The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2097 - Jeff Dye

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!

00:00:12.000 Hey, Jeff Dunn.

00:00:13.000 How you doing, fellas?

00:00:14.000 Thanks for having me, man.

00:00:15.000 My pleasure, brother.

00:00:16.000 I'm a big fan, so...

00:00:17.000 You were very funny last night.

00:00:18.000 It was fun.

00:00:18.000 Oh, thanks.

00:00:18.000 It was fun to see it.

00:00:19.000 I was telling them before you got here that, like, it's very rare that I got a little nerves.

00:00:27.000 Yeah, that club's weird.

00:00:29.000 And so when I came out, I was like, yeah, this is a big deal.

00:00:33.000 It's been a while since I've had some nerves, and I was coming out there going, oh, it took me like about 30, 40 long seconds to really dial in and go, all right.

00:00:40.000 I was kind of having it out of my head going, Joe's watching, and I hope this goes well, you know, because it's such a beautiful club.

00:00:46.000 The bar's high.

00:00:47.000 Yeah.

00:00:48.000 Oh, that whole crowd's going, oh, we're going to see everybody, Tom Segura, Joe Rogan. 0.95

00:00:52.000 You follow Brian Simpson, too, who's really fucking on fire right now. 0.86

00:00:57.000 It was just very, very... 0.91

00:00:59.000 It was just cool.

00:01:00.000 It was cool to be in there.

00:01:01.000 You got a torch?

00:01:01.000 Yeah, there's one right there.

00:01:03.000 Oh, that's a torch too?

00:01:04.000 Look at you.

00:01:05.000 You got all the gadgets.

00:01:07.000 Shout out to Foundation Cigars.

00:01:09.000 They actually made us some Comedy Mothership logo cigars.

00:01:15.000 They're really good.

00:01:16.000 Is it out?

00:01:17.000 Yeah, here.

00:01:18.000 Try this one.

00:01:18.000 Sorry.

00:01:21.000 It might be almost out of juice.

00:01:24.000 Got it.

00:01:25.000 But, um...

00:01:26.000 Yeah, I get it.

00:01:27.000 I was nervous when I first did stand-up there, too.

00:01:30.000 Yeah, it's like that.

00:01:31.000 It was my first set there.

00:01:32.000 It was weird.

00:01:33.000 I was like, are we really doing this?

00:01:35.000 Yeah, it's in your dad.

00:01:36.000 Your daddy there.

00:01:37.000 We were talking about this for two years.

00:01:39.000 Yeah.

00:01:39.000 And then all of a sudden, we were doing it?

00:01:40.000 Like, we were all shitting our pants. 1.00

00:01:42.000 Every one of us backstage was like, fuck. 1.00

00:01:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:01:45.000 It's such a cool place.

00:01:46.000 But the thing is, like, we had been doing so much stand-up.

00:01:49.000 Yeah, yeah, your whole life.

00:01:50.000 To get weirded out by this one set for some reason.

00:01:53.000 It's special.

00:01:53.000 Yeah, it felt like the audience was like that too.

00:01:56.000 They felt a little weirded out too.

00:01:57.000 They were like, wow, this is real.

00:01:59.000 They got to be there at the very first show.

00:02:01.000 I used to feel like that at the store a bit.

00:02:04.000 I would literally crush at the Laugh Factory 25 minutes before I walked over to the comedy store and then I was like, I hope Adam sees this.

00:02:13.000 For whatever reason, the store has...

00:02:15.000 I think every comic has some sort of weird issues with the comedy store.

00:02:19.000 For sure.

00:02:20.000 All different things, but I don't know how or why.

00:02:22.000 Dude, when I was a kid, when I was 21, when I first started doing stand-up, people would talk about the Comedy Store like it was Mecca.

00:02:31.000 Like you had to make your pilgrimage.

00:02:33.000 This was where Richard Pryor came from.

00:02:36.000 This is where Sam Kinison came from.

00:02:38.000 It was Mecca.

00:02:39.000 Yeah.

00:02:40.000 And you only heard about...

00:02:42.000 You know, like, this is the spot.

00:02:44.000 There was no other one place you had to go.

00:02:46.000 Like, you could go to Catch.

00:02:48.000 You could go to Catch a Rising Star, which is in New York.

00:02:51.000 You could go, which is a great club.

00:02:52.000 You could go to the Improv and Melrose.

00:02:55.000 That was a great club.

00:02:56.000 It's all great.

00:02:57.000 The store.

00:02:57.000 The store was Mecca.

00:02:59.000 Yeah.

00:02:59.000 And when you got past there...

00:03:01.000 Dude, I was already on a television show when I got past.

00:03:04.000 And when getting on a television show was cool, it was cool to be on TV. Like, wow, I can't believe I'm on TV. This is nuts.

00:03:12.000 But the real thing for me was when Mitzi passed me.

00:03:16.000 I was like, oh my god, I think I'm a real comedian.

00:03:20.000 I'm a real professional.

00:03:22.000 In the beginning, the few years, you feel like such a fraud.

00:03:28.000 Any stage time.

00:03:29.000 Yeah, you're learning it as you go.

00:03:32.000 You're not really sure if you're going to make it. 1.00

00:03:35.000 Some of your jokes suck. 0.98

00:03:37.000 Now and then, though, you get one that pops. 0.99

00:03:39.000 You're like, God, I need more of those.

00:03:41.000 I need more like that one.

00:03:43.000 That's why so many comics go edgy or dirty soon.

00:03:45.000 Of course.

00:03:46.000 Because they're like, at least a reaction's better than bombing.

00:03:49.000 Exactly.

00:03:49.000 I'd rather that than silence.

00:03:51.000 And there's always some subjects that just have built-in laughs.

00:03:54.000 There's some subjects that you pretty much can't fuck it up.

00:03:58.000 It's a topic that people like to laugh just at the top.

00:04:02.000 I feel like every comic when you start, tell me if you found this to be true.

00:04:06.000 Of course, they all start with the, I know what I look like, or I look like, that you hear that version of that.

00:04:12.000 Right.

00:04:13.000 Or they come up with some sort of song lyrics.

00:04:17.000 Because songs are poems.

00:04:19.000 Yeah.

00:04:19.000 And they're metaphors.

00:04:20.000 So for whatever reason, every comic is like, I was listening to this song the other day.

00:04:24.000 Yeah.

00:04:24.000 And the lyrics, you're like, yeah, because it's a metaphor.

00:04:27.000 And you're going to take the most literal route on this writing to make yourself sound smarter than the artist.

00:04:33.000 But it's like... 0.65

00:04:33.000 It's kind of like, trying to get to you and that monkey. 0.65

00:04:37.000 And you're like, he's trying to get to a monkey?

00:04:39.000 And you're like, no, that's the radio edit of booty. 1.00

00:04:43.000 You know, they can't say trying to get to you and that pussy or booty or whatever. 1.00

00:04:46.000 The real lyric is a thing. 0.99

00:04:49.000 Well, it's just pop culture, too, right?

00:04:51.000 So you really, you're terrified to talk about something that people don't know about.

00:04:56.000 You don't want to have to explain something while you're, because then you have to get their full attention.

00:05:01.000 It's not an immediate, like if you wanted to bring up LeBron James, you say the name LeBron James, everybody knows who LeBron James is.

00:05:08.000 It's an instantaneous reference.

00:05:10.000 Absolutely.

00:05:11.000 But if you want to talk about some weird sect of the Christian church that you grew up in, you're like, what?

00:05:15.000 What? 1.00

00:05:17.000 That's a fucking black belt joke. 1.00

00:05:20.000 You're not there yet. 1.00

00:05:21.000 You're not ready for an esoteric subject.

00:05:25.000 You're not ready for any weirdness.

00:05:26.000 I had a comic tell me the other night.

00:05:28.000 We did this corporate event.

00:05:29.000 I don't want to say his name, because, you know.

00:05:31.000 But he's just new.

00:05:32.000 That's all.

00:05:32.000 He's not guilty of being unfunny.

00:05:34.000 He's not guilty of being a bad guy.

00:05:35.000 He's just guilty of being new.

00:05:37.000 Yeah, like we all were.

00:05:38.000 And he goes, what do you think about this joke?

00:05:39.000 And it's this wildly insensitive joke about the Bible and Mary.

00:05:44.000 And it's a gross oversimplification, but it's also just latently disrespectful.

00:05:49.000 And that's okay.

00:05:50.000 You know, Louis wants to do that joke.

00:05:51.000 You want to do that joke.

00:05:52.000 Some people want to limp in on that subject.

00:05:54.000 You can do it.

00:05:55.000 And I go, you can't.

00:05:58.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:05:59.000 He's looking at me like, what do you mean I can't?

00:06:01.000 I go, no.

00:06:02.000 You're not ready for that.

00:06:02.000 Two months in, you're trying to tackle that?

00:06:04.000 It's not going to work.

00:06:05.000 You're doing an abortion joke in your first five minutes? 1.00

00:06:08.000 Settle down.

00:06:09.000 These people have no idea who you are, and you're like, it's not going to work.

00:06:12.000 Leave that to Bill Burr.

00:06:14.000 Leave the abortion joke to Bill Burr.

00:06:16.000 Maybe not month one, bud.

00:06:17.000 You don't have any idea what you sound like.

00:06:20.000 You don't have any idea how other people are perceiving you.

00:06:23.000 It's chaos up there.

00:06:24.000 It doesn't seem like it should be.

00:06:26.000 I feel like we understand it more than most people, which is why so many people think they can do it.

00:06:32.000 But even we kind of barely understand it.

00:06:35.000 Like, I understand how I do it, but there's a lot of guys, I see them like, I don't know what you're doing, but it's hilarious.

00:06:42.000 Harlan Williams.

00:06:43.000 I love Harlan.

00:06:43.000 Harlan Williams.

00:06:44.000 He's so silly. 1.00

00:06:45.000 He's so silly. 1.00

00:06:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:06:47.000 When you watch him on stage, like, if you wrote that out.

00:06:50.000 Oh, yeah.

00:06:51.000 It would not make any sense.

00:06:52.000 Sir, can you please look away?

00:06:53.000 I'm trying to perform up here. 0.99

00:06:54.000 I'm fucking dying. 0.99

00:06:56.000 He was on Kill Tony and he brought a checkbook and started just writing checks to people for like a million dollars and it just became this running gag. 0.99

00:07:06.000 It was hilarious.

00:07:07.000 He had Jeff Ross roast a roast.

00:07:10.000 He pulled out a roast, and he put two little googly eyes on it, and he goes, I want you to roast this roast!

00:07:15.000 And that's only Harlan can do that.

00:07:18.000 Only Harlan. 1.00

00:07:18.000 If anyone else did that, I'd be like, get this dog shit out of here. 1.00

00:07:21.000 But Harlan Williams, it's perfectly his voice. 1.00

00:07:23.000 I've known that guy for probably 25, 26 years.

00:07:27.000 He's always been super cool.

00:07:29.000 No one hates Harlan Williams.

00:07:31.000 No one.

00:07:32.000 You will never meet anybody who doesn't like Harlan Williams.

00:07:34.000 He isn't like, but is exactly like Norm Macdonald, where he's got his own thing.

00:07:40.000 His own thing.

00:07:41.000 And they're both Canadian, and they're not similar, but they're both these unique, one-of-a-kind men.

00:07:47.000 Yeah, he doesn't vary.

00:07:48.000 Yeah.

00:07:49.000 He's always that guy.

00:07:50.000 He's always like this super sweet guy.

00:07:52.000 That guy offstage, onstage.

00:07:54.000 Hey, fella! 1.00

00:07:56.000 What a great club!

00:07:57.000 You pumpkin pie haircut freak! 0.90

00:07:59.000 He improv'd that on the movie Dumb and Dumber to Jim Carrey.

00:08:03.000 And it stays in the script.

00:08:04.000 That's how...

00:08:05.000 Yeah, no, that's Harlan.

00:08:06.000 He's such a fun guy.

00:08:08.000 But, like, I don't know how he does it.

00:08:09.000 Imagine being Harlan's comedy coach.

00:08:11.000 Like, I don't know what to tell you.

00:08:12.000 Yeah, just do you, dude.

00:08:13.000 Yeah, I don't know how to tell you.

00:08:14.000 William Montgomery's another one.

00:08:15.000 Have you seen William?

00:08:16.000 He's a young guy from Austin.

00:08:18.000 He was in L.A. for a while, then he came out here.

00:08:21.000 His comedy is so...

00:08:22.000 I wish I could, like, do one of his bits, but I don't want to give up some of his material.

00:08:25.000 Oh, you got a kid that works at Mothership who I'm obsessed with.

00:08:29.000 And I don't know if he'll be a star.

00:08:30.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:08:30.000 I've never been able to predict any of this shit. 1.00

00:08:32.000 Which one? 0.99

00:08:32.000 If you'd have asked me if I'd have thought a lot of these people that became stars are stars. 0.99

00:08:35.000 I'm not a good read of this.

00:08:37.000 But I do know a brilliant comic when I see one, a Casey Rocket.

00:08:40.000 Oh yeah, he's very funny.

00:08:42.000 Well, here's the difference.

00:08:44.000 For me, here's the difference, is when you watch me, you go, oh, I know who Jeff's inspired by.

00:08:50.000 You know, he likes Patrice, he likes Norm, he likes these truth-tellers, and he loves The Simpsons.

00:08:54.000 And if you know that formula when you watch me, you go, that's what this guy liked.

00:08:58.000 That's what he watched, you know?

00:09:00.000 Um...

00:09:01.000 No one's doing what Casey Rockett's doing. 1.00

00:09:03.000 No.

00:09:04.000 So at least it's different enough that you, like, whether you love it or hate it, you go, I've never seen it before.

00:09:10.000 Well, even if you, well, first of all, you should appreciate that, but then also appreciate that whatever he's doing, it's funny right now, and he's gonna get better.

00:09:18.000 Yeah.

00:09:18.000 I love it.

00:09:19.000 It's gonna get even more better.

00:09:21.000 I watched him, and I don't know if you'll like me saying this, he didn't do too great on the show that I watched, and I'm in the back going, whatever that is, sign me up.

00:09:28.000 I'll watch that.

00:09:29.000 He varies, but he does well a lot.

00:09:32.000 He does well a lot.

00:09:33.000 He's got real potential.

00:09:34.000 He's a funny dude.

00:09:35.000 He did like six minutes on Jimmy Carter.

00:09:38.000 Kid's in his 20s, and he's doing Jimmy Carter jokes.

00:09:41.000 And I'm in the back on, no one's gonna...

00:09:43.000 Because, you know, it was like a bar show in Manhattan Beach, and they want some race hustling jokes or whatever.

00:09:49.000 Oh, yeah, if you're doing a bar show in Manhattan Beach, that's...

00:09:52.000 Boy, that's hit or miss.

00:09:54.000 It is hit or miss, yeah, for sure.

00:09:55.000 Boy, those are good for, like, just stress testing the vehicle, though.

00:09:59.000 And who cares?

00:10:00.000 If the joke doesn't work, you can, you know...

00:10:03.000 I watched you last night for...

00:10:07.000 Probably 30 minutes of the hour that you did.

00:10:09.000 It seems like you're having a lot of fun.

00:10:11.000 I'm having a lot of fun.

00:10:12.000 Is this new, or is this a...

00:10:14.000 I mean, I've seen you a bunch of times, but I mean, like, it's been a few years, I think, since I got to see you on stage.

00:10:19.000 And you seem like you're having so much fun.

00:10:22.000 I'm having a good time.

00:10:23.000 That's inspiring to watch.

00:10:24.000 Yeah, well, first of all, you know, I'm in a place where I can do whatever I want, so I'm doing as much stand-up as I want.

00:10:31.000 And I'm doing it specifically just to make the stand-up better.

00:10:35.000 Like, that's how I think about it.

00:10:37.000 All I'm doing is, like, I treat it like, well, what is the most important thing of it?

00:10:41.000 The most important thing is the show.

00:10:43.000 Like, try in some way to, like, always tweak it.

00:10:49.000 Always make it better.

00:10:50.000 Figure out what you're doing.

00:10:51.000 Add a thing.

00:10:51.000 And to have all this opportunity for stage time at the club, I basically set up a residency in my home city.

00:10:57.000 Yeah.

00:10:57.000 It's perfect.

00:10:58.000 It's pretty sweet.

00:10:58.000 It was fun to watch.

00:10:59.000 It's fun, dude.

00:11:00.000 It's fun.

00:11:01.000 I like seeing that more than I like seeing a lot of things in our business.

00:11:06.000 I love it.

00:11:08.000 I like comedy so much.

00:11:09.000 I do too.

00:11:10.000 I went on the road with this guy named Kermit Apeo from Washington State.

00:11:17.000 Yeah, a road dog and a really talented guy.

00:11:19.000 He won Seattle International Comedy Competition, which when I first started comedy, that was a huge deal to us up in Seattle.

00:11:24.000 And he brought me on the road.

00:11:26.000 I was terrible.

00:11:26.000 I was a terrible open-miker that got some laughs.

00:11:29.000 I was a king of the open-mikers in Seattle. 0.98

00:11:31.000 And so he brings me on the road to open for him.

00:11:33.000 And he goes, you know, the only reason I'm bringing you on the road is you make me like stand-up comedy again.

00:11:38.000 You're so excited about it, and the way you don't shut up about it, and you wanna tell jokes, and you wanna write jokes, or you tell me, like, hey, last night after that bit, have you thought about adding this?

00:11:47.000 And, like, you make me remember that I like it.

00:11:50.000 And I do feel like, and I've been doing comedy since 2005, I do feel a little bit of that, where I'm looking for someone to...

00:11:59.000 I loved being in that green room and hanging.

00:12:02.000 I love this.

00:12:03.000 I love the stand-up part, but that's really fun.

00:12:06.000 I don't want to just perform and go home.

00:12:07.000 I want it to be in the comedy.

00:12:09.000 Yeah.

00:12:10.000 I don't know.

00:12:11.000 I like that part of it.

00:12:11.000 Yeah, we feed off each other.

00:12:13.000 That's the reason why I created the club.

00:12:16.000 We were already performing out here.

00:12:18.000 We started performing out here in November of 2020, indoors.

00:12:23.000 And it was sketchy.

00:12:26.000 There was a feeling of sketchiness.

00:12:29.000 I remember we got really high one time, and I went on stage.

00:12:32.000 I was like, this is so not safe.

00:12:34.000 It's like the middle of COVID. And they have indoor shows packed.

00:12:40.000 The social distancing had sucked my dick. 0.99

00:12:42.000 There was no social distancing. 1.00

00:12:44.000 It was just packed.

00:12:45.000 Everybody was just going out like they were going out.

00:12:47.000 I love that.

00:12:48.000 How many of you guys have had COVID? Like fucking half the crowd already had it. 0.99

00:12:51.000 And we're fine. 0.99

00:12:52.000 Yeah, it was wild times, but what we needed was a home base.

00:12:58.000 And I was like, this place that we're at, the Vulcan, which is a really fun place to play, and a really fun place to see stand-up.

00:13:04.000 It's a real fun room.

00:13:05.000 But I wanted to do it where we had full control of it.

00:13:12.000 It was just comics.

00:13:14.000 We have a group of humans that are really good at an art form, and I say, what do you think we should do?

00:13:22.000 And everybody's suggestion got in there.

00:13:24.000 The reason why the ceiling is the height that it is, because I took Louie.

00:13:27.000 And Louie went and looked around, and he goes, can you lower the ceiling?

00:13:30.000 And I said, I think we can.

00:13:32.000 Can we lower the ceiling?

00:13:33.000 And I brought over the construction guys.

00:13:34.000 I'm like, what can we do?

00:13:35.000 And like, yeah, we can get it down three more feet.

00:13:37.000 He's like, get it down as low as you can get it.

00:13:39.000 We just wanted to make sure that we could see from the balcony.

00:13:42.000 That was the critical thing.

00:13:43.000 Like, make sure the ceiling didn't impede the view from the balcony.

00:13:46.000 So we got to right where it doesn't.

00:13:48.000 And then it really tightened the room up.

00:13:50.000 But he also told me... 0.98

00:13:52.000 Because comics like to hear that sound of echo, but that sucks. 0.99

00:13:55.000 It sucks for the sound.

00:13:57.000 You want the sound to be as clean as possible.

00:14:01.000 You should make everything almost like a sound studio.

00:14:03.000 Have you done the old Ice House?

00:14:04.000 Yeah, I love the old.

00:14:05.000 No one bombs there.

00:14:06.000 All that hardwood that pops.

00:14:07.000 The comedy pops there.

00:14:09.000 It's also great crowds out there, too.

00:14:12.000 But the structure of the building adds to the sound.

00:14:16.000 But you don't really necessarily want that.

00:14:19.000 You really want the actual laughs and everybody to hear everything you're saying.

00:14:25.000 Clearly.

00:14:26.000 Wait, do you think there was a problem with the ice house in the old way?

00:14:28.000 Like the way it was too easy and popped?

00:14:30.000 It wasn't a problem because it was a really small room.

00:14:33.000 But it would have been a problem in a slightly larger room.

00:14:37.000 It gets slightly larger and those echoes get weird.

00:14:40.000 They get weird in corners.

00:14:41.000 That's one of the things about the Vulcan.

00:14:43.000 I've had friends come to the show.

00:14:45.000 And they would go, we couldn't hear right where we were.

00:14:48.000 We had to move.

00:14:49.000 I go, what was the matter?

00:14:50.000 Everything was echoing.

00:14:51.000 I was like, oh, no, really?

00:14:53.000 So I guess there was like, you know how sound works and hard surfaces and corners.

00:14:58.000 If you're in like the back of, you know, a little corner area and sounds coming from a speaker pointed a specific direction, it's probably not set up for comedy is what I'm trying to say.

00:15:07.000 So we decided to just set it up.

00:15:08.000 From the jump.

00:15:10.000 It's great.

00:15:11.000 Like the best way we could, you know, the whole tunnel system, the whole, there's an elevator.

00:15:17.000 It's perfect.

00:15:17.000 It's literally, you've made, it's a masterpiece.

00:15:20.000 So when we opened it, it was nerve-wracking.

00:15:23.000 It was like, what are we doing?

00:15:24.000 Me and my buddy Brant, this was literally last weekend.

00:15:28.000 I think it was last weekend.

00:15:30.000 We're playing a club, and the club's great.

00:15:32.000 I don't want to name it because I'm about to say something that's not great about the acoustics. 0.96

00:15:35.000 But he gets on stage, he's crushing, and he's doing all these little bullshit savers, you know? 0.93

00:15:40.000 Like, well, that did better last week. 0.98

00:15:41.000 You know those little things you say after a joke does bad?

00:15:44.000 And the crowd's looking around going, what is he talking about?

00:15:46.000 So then he does another joke, and then he's like, alright, you guys don't like...

00:15:49.000 And he keeps narrating, but like, Brant, you're crushing, but I can't talk to him, he's on stage. 0.98

00:15:55.000 And so then I get on stage, and I'm like, fucking tough crowd, man. 0.98

00:16:00.000 What's going on here? 0.99

00:16:01.000 Oh, you can't hear them.

00:16:03.000 Couldn't hear.

00:16:03.000 I thought I was doing bad, and Brant's like, that was amazing.

00:16:08.000 And then Brant was doing amazing, and he thought he was doing bad up there.

00:16:11.000 So we came up with a cymbal for the next shows.

00:16:15.000 How far was the audience from you that you couldn't hear?

00:16:19.000 We heard laughs.

00:16:20.000 But we just don't, we're used to a sound as a comedian of what killing is.

00:16:25.000 So, you know, we get laughs on every sentence.

00:16:28.000 Doesn't mean you're killing.

00:16:29.000 And so we were just saying this.

00:16:30.000 So me and Brian came with like a code.

00:16:32.000 We're like, alright, this means don't worry about it.

00:16:33.000 You're doing good. 0.90

00:16:34.000 And if it is that the joke sucks or the bit sucks, we'll do this. 0.81

00:16:38.000 Like, hey, it's you. 0.98

00:16:39.000 It's you that is...

00:16:41.000 But you need to know, is it me or is it the crowd?

00:16:45.000 You got like a line coach.

00:16:47.000 Yeah.

00:16:49.000 But it's because that sound is so important.

00:16:52.000 If you think you're doing bad, and the crowd doesn't think you are, or vice versa, that's a problem.

00:16:58.000 Bro, did you watch any of the Zoom comedy people tried to do?

00:17:00.000 Joe, I was one of the Zoom people. 0.95

00:17:02.000 No!

00:17:04.000 I had to, dude.

00:17:05.000 I had to.

00:17:06.000 Hey, I would have done it.

00:17:07.000 I would have done it.

00:17:08.000 I had one corporate event that was like $10,000 corporate that was supposed to be in a theater.

00:17:13.000 And then they're like, well, we can't now because COVID. So I'm thinking, I just don't give that money or they're going to have to reschedule for another time.

00:17:18.000 And they go, but we can do it on Zoom.

00:17:20.000 And I was like, well, that's 10 grand.

00:17:22.000 And I would do it.

00:17:23.000 It was terrible.

00:17:23.000 So you did a corporate gig on Zoom.

00:17:26.000 Yes, and I couldn't hear them because their things aren't on.

00:17:29.000 It's a bunch of people.

00:17:30.000 Oh my god.

00:17:31.000 Dude, it was a nightmare, Joe.

00:17:33.000 Also, I gotta say it's really nice for me to be here because during COVID, I was like enemy number one in Los Angeles in a lot of ways.

00:17:41.000 Really?

00:17:42.000 I'd have people at my house. 0.99

00:17:43.000 I was like, I'm not doing this shit. 0.99

00:17:44.000 I was like the only guy who was actually putting on his story like, I'm not doing this. 0.99

00:17:49.000 I'd go to coffee shops.

00:17:52.000 I'd wear a mask when I'd be one of those guys.

00:17:55.000 I'd wear the mask in the store, but then I'm gonna drink my coffee.

00:17:58.000 I'm gonna drink it through a mask.

00:18:00.000 So there were comics who are now cool with me again, but at the time were like, can you believe Jeff Dye is just not taking this serious?

00:18:10.000 I wish I lived in a place like this or Florida or something during that lockdown.

00:18:14.000 Well, I kind of saw what was going on In the beginning, but I was hoping that we would come out of it and it really would just be a couple weeks and everything would be back to normal.

00:18:26.000 But when it got to a month and there was no talk at all about reopening, and then there was talk about it might be six months, it got real weird.

00:18:35.000 And then there was the George Floyd riots.

00:18:37.000 And then there was the lines outside the gun stores.

00:18:40.000 And I was like, okay, I see where this is going. 0.98

00:18:44.000 I'm getting the fuck out of here.

00:18:46.000 So I came out here in May of 2020. That's when I first started looking. 0.55

00:18:51.000 Found a house.

00:18:52.000 Moved in August.

00:18:53.000 So that quick.

00:18:54.000 In August of 2020, I'm like, see ya.

00:18:56.000 And it was in the middle of my Spotify deal.

00:18:58.000 The beginning, excuse me.

00:19:00.000 Not even the middle.

00:19:01.000 Spotify deal hadn't even started.

00:19:02.000 It started from out here.

00:19:04.000 It was weird. 0.99

00:19:04.000 They were like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99

00:19:06.000 As from us, going, what do you mean he's moving? 1.00

00:19:10.000 Also, you're a weed guy.

00:19:11.000 We're going Texas?

00:19:12.000 He's going to go to Texas with the weed?

00:19:14.000 Well, apparently it's decriminalized here in Austin.

00:19:17.000 Praise Jesus.

00:19:19.000 Then I heard that Ken Paxton is trying to sue the city of Austin, who I've met is a very nice gentleman.

00:19:26.000 Ken, how dare you?

00:19:28.000 What's he suing it for?

00:19:29.000 I don't know.

00:19:30.000 I think it has something to do with the marijuana laws.

00:19:33.000 Listen...

00:19:35.000 Maybe it has something to do with something other politically, like they sue you for this so you refund the police. 0.97

00:19:41.000 I don't know how all that shit works, but there's a lot of weirdness when it comes to that. 0.89

00:19:45.000 Ken Paxson sues Texas cities, including Austin, for decriminalizing weed. 0.99

00:19:50.000 Dude.

00:19:51.000 But why, Ken? 1.00

00:19:52.000 This is stupid, Ken. 1.00

00:19:53.000 Don't get involved in this. 1.00

00:19:55.000 This is a dumb perspective. 0.99

00:19:57.000 The whole law is dumb, and it was based on fraud from the very beginning. 0.99

00:20:02.000 If you look at the history of why marijuana is illegal, it goes back to William Randolph Hearst and Harry Anslinger. 0.98

00:20:10.000 They conspired.

00:20:11.000 That's the reason why they made movies like Reefer Madness. 1.00

00:20:15.000 They wrote all these stories in the newspaper about marijuana and how marijuana was causing blacks and Mexicans to rape white ladies. 0.99

00:20:24.000 Which turned out not to be true. 1.00

00:20:26.000 They made this shit up. 0.99

00:20:28.000 Well, you know, you can find instances. 1.00

00:20:30.000 There's a lot of people. 0.98

00:20:31.000 But the point is that they made all this shit up just so they could stop hemp because they had come up with a new method of processing hemp fiber. 0.98

00:20:42.000 There was a new machine that was invented called a decorticator. 0.99

00:20:45.000 And the decorticator allowed them to economically effectively process hemp without using slave labor.

00:20:51.000 See, when they stopped using slaves and then when they started picking cotton, people moved from hemp to cotton.

00:20:58.000 But cotton sucks compared to hemp.

00:21:00.000 Hemp is a way better cloth. 0.95

00:21:02.000 It's way more durable.

00:21:03.000 It's like, my friend Todd says it's like an alien plant.

00:21:07.000 Because it is like an alien plant.

00:21:09.000 There's nothing like it.

00:21:10.000 You could use its fiber to make clothes.

00:21:14.000 It's the best clothes on earth. 0.99

00:21:16.000 Like the most durable, like I have a hemp jujitsu gi, that fucking thing never rips. 0.99

00:21:21.000 When I get caught in gis, these motherfuckers, like after like a few months of hard rolling, this thing start getting loose. 0.99

00:21:29.000 And they start ripping. 0.99

00:21:30.000 And you know, if you had a gi for a year or two years, it's probably got a ripper tuning in already.

00:21:35.000 The hemp keys don't rip.

00:21:36.000 You can take hemp paper, and you can barely tear it.

00:21:40.000 Really?

00:21:41.000 It's weird.

00:21:42.000 I've never known less about a subject than hemp or any of this stuff.

00:21:46.000 I got fascinated because my friend Todd McCormick had a hemp stalk on his table, his desk table.

00:21:52.000 And he goes, pick this up.

00:21:53.000 And I pick it up, and it feels like there's nothing there.

00:21:56.000 It's like styrofoam.

00:21:57.000 But it's hard, like oak.

00:22:00.000 Yeah, it's interesting. 0.99

00:22:02.000 It's a fucking weird plant. 0.99

00:22:03.000 You can make houses with it. 0.99

00:22:05.000 They use something called hempcrete.

00:22:08.000 And it's hemp and it's mixed together with some sort of a solvent or something that solidifies it.

00:22:13.000 And it's way more durable than wood.

00:22:15.000 A living house.

00:22:16.000 It's stronger than concrete.

00:22:17.000 It's crazy.

00:22:18.000 It's wild.

00:22:19.000 It's a crazy plant, dude.

00:22:21.000 And the fact that it's illegal because it makes people happy and makes food taste better. 1.00

00:22:26.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:22:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:22:28.000 Just shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:22:29.000 It's stupid. 1.00

00:22:31.000 It doesn't kill anybody. 1.00

00:22:32.000 Alcohol's killing people every day of the week.

00:22:35.000 They're dying of liver poisoning.

00:22:37.000 Everyone's dying of opiates.

00:22:39.000 Fentanyl's killing everybody.

00:22:40.000 Weed kills nobody.

00:22:43.000 I've always said the best way to get killed by weed is you take a 35-pound bag of it and drop it on your head from a CIA drug plane.

00:22:51.000 That's how people die from it.

00:22:53.000 That's how you die from weed. 1.00

00:22:55.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:22:56.000 I had a buddy who was flying, he was driving from Boston, Randy Valerio. 1.00

00:23:00.000 He was driving from Boston with marijuana products.

00:23:03.000 But it was medicine in Boston, you know?

00:23:05.000 And he's driving, he's moving to LA to live.

00:23:07.000 And as he's driving through Texas, he gets pulled over.

00:23:10.000 So it's legal in Boston, and it's legal in LA, and it's considered medicine in these two places.

00:23:15.000 But if he takes his medicine through Texas, Yeah, you can't.

00:23:18.000 Felony charges.

00:23:19.000 Yeah, it's Schedule 1. It's a real drug.

00:23:22.000 It's crazy. 1.00

00:23:23.000 Well, it's a dumb thing, man. 1.00

00:23:25.000 Like, this is not a dumb country. 0.99

00:23:26.000 We're super educated now. 0.67

00:23:28.000 We have amazing access to information.

00:23:31.000 This is not 1930. This is not a confusing time.

00:23:35.000 This is a time where we know exactly what things do.

00:23:39.000 Now, This is also important to say.

00:23:41.000 Some people should not smoke weed.

00:23:43.000 Some people should not eat weed.

00:23:45.000 Some people should not do any psychedelics at all. 0.96

00:23:48.000 Some people have mental health problems already.

00:23:51.000 Some people are prone to schizophrenia. 1.00

00:23:53.000 And I've seen people fucking snap from weed. 1.00

00:23:57.000 Really? 0.99

00:23:57.000 Yes! 0.99

00:23:58.000 I've not seen that.

00:23:59.000 I think it's important to talk about.

00:24:01.000 Look, it's just not me.

00:24:02.000 But I've seen people, like Alex Berenson wrote this book called Tell Your Children, and it's all about, there's like a certain percentage of people that take high dose THC that experience psychotic states.

00:24:15.000 There's this lady in LA who stabbed her boyfriend 108 times off one hit. 0.64

00:24:21.000 He gave her some crazy, super potent weed. 0.98

00:24:23.000 She went wacky, stabbed him 108 times, and the fucked up part is she only got two years probation. 0.98

00:24:31.000 Yeah, that's wild. 0.99

00:24:32.000 Two years probation.

00:24:33.000 That's a whole different problem.

00:24:34.000 That's a different problem.

00:24:35.000 That's a crazy problem.

00:24:36.000 We were just like, imagine if it was a dude.

00:24:38.000 Oh, God.

00:24:38.000 And his excuse was, I got high.

00:24:40.000 Hey, you're getting weed.

00:24:42.000 I was high. 0.99

00:24:42.000 I had to stab her 108 times. 0.99

00:24:43.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:24:45.000 You're in jail forever. 1.00

00:24:46.000 Women complain about all these social issues, but you know where women crush us? 1.00

00:24:49.000 Courts?

00:24:50.000 Yeah.

00:24:50.000 Dude, in the courtroom, there's no bigger privilege than being a woman.

00:24:54.000 And by the way, no one, no one gives a fuck if your wife beats you up. 1.00

00:24:58.000 Oh, at all. 0.99

00:24:59.000 At all.

00:24:59.000 A baseball player in the 90s, Chuck Finley, got beat up by his wife, and he's like, I don't want to hit her back.

00:25:04.000 I'm a big guy, you know?

00:25:05.000 So he just called the cops.

00:25:07.000 He just takes it.

00:25:07.000 Yeah, he took it.

00:25:08.000 He just called the cops.

00:25:08.000 But then if you read all the people commenting, like, oh, come on, dude.

00:25:12.000 You can't...

00:25:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:25:14.000 Just let her hit you, dude. 1.00

00:25:15.000 Just block. 0.93

00:25:16.000 Yeah, block. 0.63

00:25:17.000 The problem is you should never be around anyone who wants to hit you, whether it's a friend or whether it's a girlfriend.

00:25:23.000 You should never be around a person that wants to strike you.

00:25:26.000 At all.

00:25:27.000 At all.

00:25:27.000 That's just the rules.

00:25:28.000 It's like we all have...

00:25:31.000 We all sometimes are angry, but you don't express yourself that way.

00:25:35.000 Right. 1.00

00:25:36.000 It's stupid. 1.00

00:25:37.000 You know my favorite Joe Rogan moment? 1.00

00:25:38.000 One of?

00:25:39.000 What?

00:25:40.000 Everybody references your podcast.

00:25:42.000 People reference the UFC. They reference your comedy.

00:25:46.000 On Fear Factor, when that guy...

00:25:49.000 You don't get to hit people to that girl. 1.00

00:25:52.000 Oh, yeah.

00:25:52.000 And then he tried to defend his wife's honor.

00:25:54.000 You go, no, no, no.

00:25:55.000 If you guys want to hit each other at home, you can do whatever you want.

00:25:58.000 But you don't get to hit people just because you're upset.

00:26:01.000 And then he tried to come to you, and you grabbed him.

00:26:04.000 And everyone realized real quick.

00:26:05.000 I mean, maybe at that time it wasn't public knowledge how trained you were at fighting and stuff.

00:26:10.000 All I did was grab his neck.

00:26:11.000 Yeah, but you shut it down quick.

00:26:13.000 No TV host has ever shut down a conflict that fast.

00:26:18.000 Well, that guy they'd warned me about.

00:26:20.000 Oh, really?

00:26:20.000 He had a history of violence, and he had done some violent things on some other reality shows.

00:26:26.000 Dude, it was amazing.

00:26:27.000 They were like, fire the security on the show.

00:26:29.000 Joe's got this.

00:26:29.000 There was no security.

00:26:30.000 That was part of the problem.

00:26:32.000 That was around maniacs.

00:26:33.000 That was a big show.

00:26:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:26:35.000 There was zero security.

00:26:36.000 There was zero security. 0.96

00:26:38.000 There was me and a bunch of random maniacs that were trying to eat bull dicks and jump off buildings. 0.63

00:26:43.000 We don't need security. 0.92

00:26:44.000 And some of them were super sketchy.

00:26:46.000 That guy was...

00:26:47.000 He maybe could have hit me.

00:26:50.000 He was thinking about hitting me.

00:26:52.000 When he got in his face, his body was so tense and he got so close to me.

00:26:57.000 The thing about, people have to realize about getting punched, this is very important to know, sucker punching works because your reaction time is far slower than action time.

00:27:10.000 Action time is very fast.

00:27:12.000 It's probably five to ten times faster than reaction time.

00:27:17.000 So if I go like that and I hit you, by the time you register that I've turned my shoulders and that my fist is heading in your direction, You're hit, and you're going to get knocked out.

00:27:28.000 You're going to be unready for it. 0.54

00:27:30.000 Your jaw's going to slide back.

00:27:32.000 Your head's going to snap sideways because you're not resisting it.

00:27:36.000 Your brain's going to wash around inside your head, and you're going out, unless you're a tank. 1.00

00:27:40.000 You're a big fucking Samoan dude. 1.00

00:27:42.000 And then he's going to look at you and go, mate, what a fucking terrible thing you've done. 1.00

00:27:46.000 And then he's going to eat you. 1.00

00:27:48.000 Joe Rogan says, sucker punch. 0.99

00:27:50.000 That's what I got from that. 0.77

00:27:52.000 I got a sucker punch if I'm gonna win.

00:27:54.000 Well, just sucker punching is something that people do.

00:27:58.000 So if someone gets that close to you, even a trained fighter has to be prepared for a sucker punch.

00:28:03.000 Didn't it kill Houdini?

00:28:04.000 No, no, he got punched in the stomach.

00:28:07.000 He had a gag that he would do where he would let people punch him.

00:28:10.000 But I think there was something else wrong with him, too. 1.00

00:28:13.000 He was doing a lot of weird shit. 0.98

00:28:16.000 I know, I'm jumping around a lot. 0.99

00:28:18.000 Yeah, he had appendicitis.

00:28:22.000 Isn't that kind of funny?

00:28:24.000 We just get up there and do jokes.

00:28:25.000 But a magician will do a trick and then be like, also, someone come punch me!

00:28:32.000 That's not a magic trick.

00:28:33.000 That sounds like something a frat guy, like a big Samoan guy would say. 0.98

00:28:37.000 Someone punch me. 0.94

00:28:38.000 But there's like no magic to it that will really work. 0.57

00:28:41.000 Like if someone says, kick me, there is no magic that's gonna save you. 0.98

00:28:46.000 That's so silly. 0.98

00:28:47.000 There's no magic. 1.00

00:28:47.000 You can't tighten up your abs and let me kick you. 1.00

00:28:50.000 This is my magic trick. 0.92

00:28:51.000 You're gonna get really injured.

00:28:53.000 You think you punch good? 0.69

00:28:54.000 I'm a magician. 1.00

00:28:55.000 That's so stupid. 1.00

00:28:58.000 Fabricadabra! 1.00

00:28:59.000 Francis Ngato will put liver punching you. 0.97

00:29:02.000 Fabricadabra! 1.00

00:29:03.000 David Blaine will do that. 0.83

00:29:03.000 He'll do seven things that you're like, this guy's a witch or a warlock or something. 0.83

00:29:06.000 But then he'll be like, and now I'm going to live in a box above New York City for a month.

00:29:11.000 And you're like, don't do that.

00:29:12.000 That's not magic.

00:29:13.000 He made me stab him with an ice pick. 0.99

00:29:15.000 I stabbed his arm with an ice pick. 0.98

00:29:17.000 I went through his arm to the other side with an ice pick. 0.56

00:29:20.000 Yeah, I saw that.

00:29:20.000 He did that to Ricky Gervais or something, and Ricky Gervais is just like, why?

00:29:24.000 That's the best answer to most magic.

00:29:26.000 Why?

00:29:26.000 This is the answer to the Houdini thing.

00:29:28.000 It says, on Friday morning, October 22nd, in his dressing room at the Princess Theatre in Montreal, he was punched hard in the stomach by an excitable McGill student, Jay Gordon Whitehead, who wanted to test the theory that Houdini was capable of withstanding hard blows to the abdomen.

00:29:43.000 A week later, Houdini was dead.

00:29:46.000 Excitable.

00:29:47.000 Is that really what killed him or was it appendicitis?

00:29:51.000 Did you say it was appendicitis, Jamie, that you read that?

00:29:57.000 Great headshot. 0.98

00:29:58.000 Maybe you can rupture someone's appendix with a punch. 0.98

00:30:01.000 Oh, so that's how it happened.

00:30:03.000 Which is the inflammation of the odominal wall.

00:30:04.000 His appendix was removed, but the poison from the ruptured appendix was already in his bloodstream.

00:30:09.000 Jeez.

00:30:10.000 Maybe, I mean, it makes sense.

00:30:12.000 I know guys lose their spleens from really bad accidents.

00:30:17.000 You can, you know, if your body gets damaged, they could remove your spleen.

00:30:22.000 It might be like it fucks your appendix up, too.

00:30:24.000 I mean, it makes sense if something's hitting it.

00:30:26.000 These UFC guys, I mean, the blows they take for this kind of stuff.

00:30:31.000 Dude.

00:30:33.000 You get too accustomed to it.

00:30:35.000 It's so normal for me to see guys fight.

00:30:40.000 It's weird.

00:30:41.000 It's real weird.

00:30:42.000 Like I'm super accustomed to it.

00:30:44.000 But it really is shocking.

00:30:45.000 It is.

00:30:46.000 If you just step back and watch like a real high-level fight, the impact.

00:30:50.000 It's terrifying.

00:30:50.000 Shocking.

00:30:51.000 If it was dogs, it'd be illegal.

00:30:54.000 Like, you watch UFC fight, you go, you know, we couldn't do this, if this was dogs.

00:30:57.000 Like, I can't believe, I can't believe what, and there's people gathering around, people, I'm gamblers, you know, and you're just going, I don't think that this should be allowed, but they do it.

00:31:09.000 I know, it's wild.

00:31:10.000 When, every now and again, I mean, it always, I'm always aware of how dangerous it is for the fighters, and how wild it is to see, and But every now and then someone would get really injured. 0.99

00:31:25.000 And when I'm like, oh shit. 0.95

00:31:27.000 Like when Chris Weidman broke his leg. 1.00

00:31:29.000 I was like, oh shit. 0.99

00:31:30.000 Or when Anderson Silva broke his leg. 0.99

00:31:31.000 That's the one I'm thinking of.

00:31:32.000 He had that clean break on his shin.

00:31:34.000 They both had it.

00:31:35.000 This is the craziest thing.

00:31:36.000 It's only happened four times in the UFC. And two times have been with Chris Weidman.

00:31:40.000 Oh really?

00:31:41.000 Crazy!

00:31:41.000 I don't know who that guy is.

00:31:43.000 I don't watch a lot, but I saw the silver one and I go, eugh!

00:31:46.000 He was striking him and he broke his leg.

00:31:48.000 That's the one I saw a lot.

00:31:50.000 Weidman was UFC middleweight champion at the time.

00:31:53.000 That's Weidman, and he was defending his title against Anderson, who he beat in the first fight.

00:31:57.000 And then Anderson just threw that.

00:31:59.000 So gross. 0.97

00:32:00.000 Oh, so disgusting, dude. 0.98

00:32:01.000 And he had hurt it on a check earlier. 0.98

00:32:03.000 Boom! 0.99

00:32:04.000 Yeah, it just gave out.

00:32:06.000 Chris said that he checked it earlier, and he thinks that it'd hurt.

00:32:10.000 Like, check means when Anderson throws a kick, you lift up your leg and you try to get it where his shin hits the top of your, like, right below your knee.

00:32:20.000 Because that's, like, indestructible.

00:32:22.000 Oh, okay.

00:32:22.000 So it's like, what's the weakest point?

00:32:24.000 The middle of your shin, if it hits that top area of the knee, that top area is not giving.

00:32:31.000 Yeah.

00:32:31.000 Because it's also, it's like, you can take a shot like that pretty hard, but in the middle of the shin, you got all that crazy leverage, and down there where Anderson broke his, think of how thin that is compared to the bones at the top.

00:32:45.000 So something had to give.

00:32:46.000 It happens all the time.

00:32:47.000 Well, not all the time, but...

00:32:49.000 You see it?

00:32:49.000 It's happening a lot more now because so much stuff is filmed.

00:32:54.000 I've seen a dozen of them at least.

00:32:56.000 It does happen.

00:32:57.000 I used to work at this moving company.

00:32:58.000 It used to be super rare.

00:32:59.000 And, you know, when you work at a place like a moving company or like, you know, any of these kind of jobs where they just hire criminals.

00:33:06.000 People with criminal records are like, you want to make 20 bucks an hour?

00:33:08.000 Just load up this big rig with frozen groceries.

00:33:11.000 I've had a lot of those jobs when I was young because I didn't go to college.

00:33:15.000 You could tell me if this is real or not, but it's an unreliable source, but this guy's a guy who used to be in the Marine Corps, and they used to tell us, you know, you're gonna get punched. 0.54

00:33:24.000 You wanna get hit in the face, you wanna get hit right here.

00:33:27.000 And we always picked the face. 0.98

00:33:29.000 Does that make fight sense?

00:33:31.000 Or is this guy just trying to be cool at the warehouse? 0.99

00:33:35.000 I don't think he knows what the fuck he's talking about. 0.99

00:33:36.000 Okay, fair enough. 0.99

00:33:37.000 That's what I'm saying, these guys were like...

00:33:38.000 Yeah, I take it in the gut all day long over the face.

00:33:41.000 Really?

00:33:41.000 Yeah, but the thing about the face is it puts you out.

00:33:43.000 If someone's gonna just hit you, if you know you're gonna get hit and you get to choose where you get hit, you take it in the stomach and you prepare for it.

00:33:51.000 It's still gonna suck, but you could take a few. 0.60

00:33:54.000 If you get punched in the face by the right guy... 0.99

00:33:57.000 He told us that.

00:33:58.000 It blew our mind.

00:33:59.000 I don't think he knows what he's talking about.

00:34:00.000 I think he was trying to be a tough guy.

00:34:02.000 It depends.

00:34:03.000 If someone hits you in the liver, like if you get someone who's really good, you know?

00:34:09.000 Like Ryan Garcia, he's got this nasty liver punch. 0.58

00:34:12.000 Oh God, he hits people, they just blap! 0.89

00:34:15.000 You know, like Canelo Alvarez has a wicked liver punch.

00:34:18.000 When you have that shot, it's like a left hook that's kind of almost partially an uppercut.

00:34:24.000 You know, instead of coming, it's like a body left hook and they'll slam it right here.

00:34:29.000 Right here with the ribcages and the livers right below it. 0.89

00:34:32.000 Oh my goodness.

00:34:34.000 It's the worst feeling.

00:34:35.000 You get like electrocuted.

00:34:37.000 Your whole body shuts off.

00:34:39.000 It's so crazy.

00:34:40.000 It's like a kill switch.

00:34:40.000 It is a kill switch.

00:34:41.000 It really is.

00:34:42.000 And some guys are masterful at hitting that kill switch.

00:34:46.000 You know the sad part about this is, Joe?

00:34:47.000 What?

00:34:48.000 What?

00:34:48.000 It's been 30 years, probably?

00:34:50.000 25 years I've been telling that story?

00:34:52.000 I heard if you had to pick between the face and the thing, you'd take the face.

00:34:57.000 No, no, no.

00:34:58.000 Don't let somebody punch in the face.

00:35:00.000 Yeah, you go unconscious.

00:35:01.000 You lose your vision.

00:35:02.000 Yeah, you want to be able to see.

00:35:04.000 You'll recover from a body shot.

00:35:06.000 You might not recover from getting punched in the face. 0.80

00:35:09.000 Yeah, there's a lot of buttons in your face.

00:35:10.000 Like, you've seen slap fighting.

00:35:11.000 They get slapped unconscious.

00:35:13.000 Just a slap.

00:35:14.000 And they're ready for it.

00:35:16.000 And they're like professional slappers. 1.00

00:35:18.000 Are you shocked that's a sport?

00:35:19.000 Yes!

00:35:20.000 That comes up on my Instagram things, and I'm going, what are we doing?

00:35:23.000 Yeah, and the UFC owns it, so I'm like, okay.

00:35:26.000 And there's like big guys that like, you know, they look like my neighbor, Rick, you know, who are just like, now they're pro athletes. 0.98

00:35:32.000 I do have to admit though, I watch those fucking clips. 1.00

00:35:35.000 I'm one of those idiots. 1.00

00:35:36.000 The pro athletes. 1.00

00:35:39.000 He's putting chalk on his hands.

00:35:40.000 He's got rubber bands.

00:35:42.000 He looks terrible.

00:35:43.000 He's training it.

00:35:43.000 He looks like he's at my dive bar, the chimney sweep, just going, all right.

00:35:46.000 One of the dudes, they were like, what are you going to do with the money? 0.96

00:35:49.000 I'm going to get my wife some new titties. 1.00

00:35:50.000 Yeah, that's a good answer, though.

00:35:52.000 What's the best answer you've heard?

00:35:54.000 That's the best answer.

00:35:54.000 You interview all these guys after that.

00:35:56.000 What's the best one?

00:35:56.000 What's your favorite?

00:35:57.000 I never ask what they're going to do with their money.

00:35:59.000 I know, but what's a thing you heard afterwards where you're like, oh, I like that kind of...

00:36:03.000 Oh, Derrick Lewis. 0.99

00:36:06.000 My balls was hot. 0.98

00:36:07.000 It has to be number one. 0.98

00:36:08.000 It has to be number one.

00:36:09.000 Derrick Lewis just beats this dude and then takes his pants off.

00:36:13.000 And he's standing in the octagon with no pants on.

00:36:17.000 And I'm interviewing him.

00:36:18.000 I'm like, Derrick, congratulations.

00:36:19.000 Why'd you take your pants off? 0.99

00:36:20.000 He goes, my balls was hot. 1.00

00:36:21.000 I go, I understand, sir. 0.99

00:36:24.000 Derrick Lewis, Derrick, why'd you take your pants off? 0.99

00:36:26.000 My balls was hot. 0.99

00:36:28.000 I understand. 0.98

00:36:29.000 I understand.

00:36:32.000 We weren't ready for that one.

00:36:33.000 Jarek is the man.

00:36:34.000 I was ready for it.

00:36:35.000 It's so funny.

00:36:36.000 I mean, my job there is just kind of, you know, I'm not in any way a comedian when I'm interviewing fighters.

00:36:41.000 That's a completely different role.

00:36:43.000 I never try to make anything funny, ever.

00:36:45.000 My job there is just to get out of them the best expression that they can give.

00:36:51.000 They're the star.

00:36:52.000 That's it.

00:36:52.000 It's just me trying to get it out of them.

00:36:55.000 That's all it is.

00:36:56.000 Always.

00:36:56.000 So, like, I've never, like...

00:36:58.000 Connors is pretty good, too.

00:36:59.000 Yeah.

00:37:00.000 Oh, Connors is amazing.

00:37:01.000 No, go for...

00:37:02.000 Look what's next for me, Joe.

00:37:06.000 I'm gonna get that second bell. 0.98

00:37:07.000 Where the f*** is it? 0.95

00:37:09.000 Oh, yeah, I remember this. 0.99

00:37:10.000 I remember this, yeah.

00:37:12.000 And he was right.

00:37:13.000 Oh, yeah.

00:37:16.000 I'm sure you'll get your second bell.

00:37:18.000 But listen.

00:37:19.000 I've spent a lot of time, Joe.

00:37:22.000 Slating everybody in the company.

00:37:25.000 Backstage, I'm starting to fight off everybody.

00:37:27.000 I've ridiculed everyone on the roster.

00:37:31.000 I just want to say from the bottom of me heart, I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody.

00:37:39.000 Legendary.

00:37:41.000 There it is.

00:37:49.000 That was pretty solid.

00:37:50.000 Yeah, because that was what he envisioned.

00:37:52.000 He envisioned him standing there with those two belts.

00:37:55.000 And he made it happen.

00:37:57.000 He really did it. 1.00

00:37:58.000 Like, there's something to that fucking Oprah horse shit. 1.00

00:38:02.000 No, it works. 1.00

00:38:02.000 Of like manifesting things. 1.00

00:38:04.000 The universe, yeah.

00:38:04.000 The secret, you know, something to that.

00:38:06.000 There's something to it, but it's not guaranteed.

00:38:08.000 Yeah.

00:38:09.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:38:11.000 But believing it works.

00:38:12.000 Yeah.

00:38:13.000 There's something to it.

00:38:15.000 There's something weird to it.

00:38:16.000 You carry yourself in a different way.

00:38:17.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:38:18.000 I've noticed that just with getting off the bottle, just my comedy's gotten better.

00:38:23.000 Things like that.

00:38:24.000 But it's just me knowing, oh, I'm in my right mind now.

00:38:27.000 Yes.

00:38:28.000 I got something now to prove kind of thing. 0.99

00:38:31.000 Not to make Conor Greger about myself, but there is a thing about getting your shit together. 0.97

00:38:35.000 Yeah, seeing it and making it happen. 0.98

00:38:38.000 You know?

00:38:39.000 Like, there's something to that.

00:38:40.000 It's not, again, it's not guaranteed.

00:38:42.000 It's like it's a part of the equation.

00:38:45.000 This is what I like to think about.

00:38:46.000 It's not like you live in a land of only fate.

00:38:50.000 It's not like you can just make things happen with your mind and random things don't happen to people.

00:38:56.000 It's all those things.

00:38:58.000 Random things do happen to people.

00:38:59.000 Some people are more fortunate to people.

00:39:01.000 A lot of it is luck.

00:39:02.000 A lot of this whole thing is luck.

00:39:03.000 The energy you put out there in the world probably has an effect on the life that you live.

00:39:08.000 And if you really truly believe that you can do something and you go for it, People applaud it.

00:39:15.000 They love it.

00:39:16.000 They love to watch it.

00:39:17.000 They love to see it.

00:39:18.000 And when you make it, it gives everybody else hope that they can do it.

00:39:22.000 100%.

00:39:23.000 That's the reason I like basketball, like Jordan.

00:39:26.000 We saw someone accomplish something and we go, hey, they did that thing.

00:39:31.000 What could be my thing?

00:39:32.000 Yeah, there's part of just seeing someone who is the best at anything or just extraordinary at anything. 0.99

00:39:41.000 It makes you realize that people can do wild shit, man. 0.97

00:39:45.000 And it might not be the people that you're around. 0.99

00:39:47.000 It might not be the people that you surround yourself with.

00:39:49.000 But just knowing that those other people are out there in the world, you know that there's a higher bar to set.

00:39:56.000 You could do it in whatever field you're doing.

00:40:00.000 You watch a Mike Tyson fight from the 1980s.

00:40:02.000 Just the idea that someone could be that guy was so crazy.

00:40:06.000 It made you think that you could get better at everything you do.

00:40:10.000 Well, and it's not like Tyson had some silver spoon.

00:40:12.000 The opposite.

00:40:13.000 Yeah, so you go, look at him.

00:40:15.000 Yeah, the opposite.

00:40:17.000 I'm sure you know everything about Tyson.

00:40:19.000 I'm not going to tell you anything you don't know, but I love they did that documentary where he's like, he's being so sweet about his coach, and he's going, I'm nothing. 0.99

00:40:26.000 I'm like a piece of shit, you know? 1.00

00:40:28.000 And they let me live in their house, and he's teaching me boxing, and they're being so nice to me, and these white people, and they're letting me sleep with them in the house, and they're feeding me, and I'm thinking, I'm going to rob these motherfuckers. 1.00

00:40:41.000 His instinct was still like, they didn't lock the house up. 0.99

00:40:44.000 I just love his mentality.

00:40:48.000 They took a straight kid guarding pigeons from his buddies, and he could be that.

00:40:56.000 I'm never going to be a boxer, but I could go, maybe I could do something great.

00:41:00.000 Do you ever see the movie The Color of Money?

00:41:02.000 It's Tom Cruise and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and she plays his girlfriend. 0.98

00:41:07.000 She's so fucking hot. 1.00

00:41:08.000 She's so young and hot. 0.99

00:41:09.000 It's with Paul Newman.

00:41:10.000 I hate watching movies that are older but with hot chicks. 1.00

00:41:13.000 Oh, she was so hot back then.

00:41:14.000 Because now I know that they're not alive no more.

00:41:16.000 I think she's still alive.

00:41:17.000 Well.

00:41:18.000 But anyway, point is she's an amazing actress too and she played his girlfriend and she was talking to Paul Newman and she had this chain around her neck.

00:41:31.000 And Paul Newman was like, where'd you get it?

00:41:34.000 And she's like, oh, it came from Vincent.

00:41:36.000 It was Vincent's mom.

00:41:38.000 It was Vincent's mom's.

00:41:40.000 And then he goes, did he give it to you?

00:41:43.000 She goes, no.

00:41:44.000 When I was with my ex-boyfriend, we stole it from his house.

00:41:48.000 So she was still wearing Tom Cruise's mom's chain that she stole from his house while they were dating.

00:41:57.000 It's insane.

00:41:58.000 But it was cool.

00:41:59.000 It was like, whoa.

00:42:00.000 Just to know there's vipers like that out there.

00:42:03.000 Yeah, we can all be the viper.

00:42:06.000 It's in us.

00:42:07.000 Tom Cruise plays this genius pool player that's probably autistic. 0.98

00:42:10.000 And this is the girlfriend. 0.98

00:42:13.000 The girlfriend is just like a total hustler. 1.00

00:42:17.000 Just controlling him, steering him, you know, completely in control of Vincent. 0.95

00:42:24.000 And if she leaves the room, he panics.

00:42:26.000 It's really wild.

00:42:28.000 I feel like I know some women like that. 1.00

00:42:30.000 Oh, yeah.

00:42:31.000 They're the fun ones.

00:42:33.000 This is Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. 1.00

00:42:37.000 It's a great fucking movie. 0.99

00:42:39.000 You know, I watched, I'm gonna slaughter the name, but I was at Terry Bradshaw's house on Christmas and he likes these old movies. 0.99

00:42:45.000 So he puts in like, it's something like I'll see you in St. Louis or meet me in St. Louis or something.

00:42:51.000 It's an older movie.

00:42:52.000 And I'm there, I got like, you know, some cigars and we're just watching.

00:42:55.000 He falls asleep.

00:42:56.000 I'm watching this movie.

00:42:57.000 This kind of goes back to what I was saying.

00:42:58.000 I like to watch old films with beautiful women like that. 1.00

00:43:00.000 Because Judy Garland's on the screen, and she's just so pretty and sweet and nice.

00:43:05.000 I'm falling for Judy Garland in the movie. 0.52

00:43:08.000 Oh, she's beautiful.

00:43:09.000 I was like, I'm gonna look her up, you know, see what she's...

00:43:12.000 And I was like, I'm about 40 years late, and she's just going, oh, yeah. 0.98

00:43:17.000 But that's how dumb I am. 0.89

00:43:19.000 I'm getting a crush on a woman that's been gone for 30 years and also didn't age great. 1.00

00:43:24.000 Well, don't you ever imagine living life back then?

00:43:28.000 It's like living with children.

00:43:31.000 Oh, for sure.

00:43:31.000 Like, people back then were like, culturally, they were like children.

00:43:34.000 But it's kind of sweet.

00:43:35.000 Yeah, kind of sweet.

00:43:36.000 I know it's a mushrooms idea.

00:43:38.000 I'm a big mushroom guy, but like, I always, I don't know how, when you do new mushrooms, When I do Mushrooms, I'm with my friends.

00:43:47.000 We're usually in the woods, camping or something.

00:43:49.000 I don't like to go to concerts.

00:43:50.000 I don't want to be on Mushrooms.

00:43:52.000 Too much randomness.

00:43:54.000 Yeah, I can't do that.

00:43:55.000 Noise.

00:43:55.000 I don't want to hear a guy I don't know well.

00:43:57.000 I want to be around some people I love.

00:43:58.000 I want to be around.

00:44:00.000 But I was thinking about like...

00:44:02.000 In the old days, we'd ride our horses, and we'd have a little picture of our lady back home, and we'd clean up the horses, and we'd make some food, and we'd whatever, and we'd go, I wonder what's going on out there?

00:44:13.000 What do you think's going on out there?

00:44:14.000 We might talk about it a little, call it a night.

00:44:16.000 We had our responsibilities, we had our little things.

00:44:19.000 You knew your girl, and you knew some girls in town, but you knew your woman that you loved and your family.

00:44:24.000 And then it's like, now I don't wonder what anyone's doing.

00:44:28.000 Can't even escape my ex-girlfriend's breakfast post.

00:44:32.000 We know there's got to be some happy medium.

00:44:35.000 Those guys knew nothing.

00:44:36.000 Kind of a sweet time.

00:44:37.000 Kind of a sweet time, but which one would you choose?

00:44:40.000 I'm only thinking I want that because I got now.

00:44:43.000 Yeah, it's nonsense.

00:44:44.000 It's like, what do you want to do? 1.00

00:44:45.000 Go back to being a chimp and throw shit at each other? 1.00

00:44:47.000 Maybe. 1.00

00:44:47.000 Because they were probably like, what are these people going to live in houses? 1.00

00:44:50.000 Yeah, but maybe.

00:44:51.000 You know, that was one of the things that Genghis Khan... 0.96

00:44:54.000 You'd crush it as a chimp, Joe. 1.00

00:44:55.000 I don't know if you know that. 0.96

00:44:56.000 You'd get to be Joe Rogan of the chimps, I'm pretty sure.

00:44:59.000 When Genghis Khan, like, one of his titles was He Who Rules and All...

00:45:05.000 It was like something about felt houses.

00:45:08.000 So they had such disdain for people who lived in houses. 0.84

00:45:14.000 Look at them, fat cats with their houses.

00:45:16.000 Yeah, they all lived in tents.

00:45:17.000 They lived in felt tents.

00:45:19.000 So they never had houses. 1.00

00:45:21.000 They thought you were a pussy if you lived in a house. 1.00

00:45:24.000 Yeah, you're too protected. 1.00

00:45:26.000 Yeah.

00:45:27.000 And you think about how horrific the Mongol Empire was and what they did. 0.98

00:45:32.000 The Mongols killed somewhere around 50 to 70 million people during Genghis Khan's life.

00:45:38.000 They reduced the population of the planet by 10%.

00:45:42.000 They changed the carbon footprint, dude.

00:45:44.000 I think Hitler gets too much credit.

00:45:46.000 That's the one everyone knows.

00:45:47.000 Everyone wants to reference Hitler.

00:45:49.000 Nobody's talking about Napoleon or...

00:45:50.000 What about what Stalin did?

00:45:52.000 Mussolini or Stalin or even the Mongol... 0.74

00:45:55.000 Like, you know what I'm saying?

00:45:56.000 Like, those ones don't get enough kind of like...

00:45:58.000 You know, like...

00:45:59.000 I used to have a joke about it.

00:46:01.000 Like, that you could be a pirate for Halloween.

00:46:03.000 Like, you know how crazy it is? 1.00

00:46:05.000 Like, pirates are some of the most fucking evil creatures that ever existed. 1.00

00:46:09.000 They're the most famous rapists. 1.00

00:46:11.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:46:11.000 That's what... 0.96

00:46:12.000 You go, what do pirates do?

00:46:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:46:13.000 Rape and pillage. 0.99

00:46:14.000 Rape and murder. 1.00

00:46:14.000 Rape is the first thing... 1.00

00:46:16.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:46:17.000 You should be able to be...

00:46:18.000 It's synonymous with the title. 0.94

00:46:20.000 It's like priest child molester. 0.79

00:46:21.000 You think about it. 0.99

00:46:22.000 Don't cancel the white girl with the Indian headdress at Halloween. 0.99

00:46:25.000 You should be canceling the pirates.

00:46:27.000 That was not a fair comparison. 0.99

00:46:29.000 There's way more pirates raped than priests. 1.00

00:46:31.000 Probably all pirates raped. 0.99

00:46:33.000 Oh, for sure. 1.00

00:46:34.000 Priests that are pedophiles, it's probably only one out of a thousand.

00:46:37.000 What are you gonna do? 0.93

00:46:39.000 Romance them?

00:46:39.000 You're only in town for a couple days, Joe.

00:46:41.000 I gotta get this stuff, I gotta bang somebody, and I gotta get on the boat.

00:46:45.000 Yeah.

00:46:46.000 I don't have time to take her out to dinner.

00:46:48.000 Well, they just took over things and killed everybody.

00:46:50.000 That's what they did.

00:46:51.000 So do you think you'd prefer the old times?

00:46:55.000 No, no, [...

00:46:58.000 I'm a realist.

00:46:59.000 The old times were horrific.

00:47:00.000 You died from everything.

00:47:02.000 You'd have been a man of that time.

00:47:04.000 Yeah, for as long as I lived, there's no way I'd be like this at 56. I would be already murdered.

00:47:09.000 That's true.

00:47:10.000 Somebody would have.

00:47:11.000 Somebody would have got me.

00:47:12.000 I would have been zigging when I should have zagged.

00:47:14.000 I would have caught an arrow. 0.99

00:47:15.000 Somebody would have fucked me up. 0.99

00:47:16.000 You know why? 0.99

00:47:17.000 Because I'm a talker.

00:47:18.000 Yeah.

00:47:18.000 I wouldn't have been the fight challenge guy.

00:47:21.000 That doesn't always work, man.

00:47:22.000 Sometimes they just cut off one of your hands.

00:47:24.000 Oh, for sure.

00:47:25.000 There'd be some props. 0.95

00:47:26.000 After you talk too much, just cut off one of your hands. 1.00

00:47:28.000 Not even kill you yet. 1.00

00:47:29.000 Shut that guy up. 1.00

00:47:30.000 That's what they say. 1.00

00:47:31.000 Cut off your hand.

00:47:32.000 Just to let you know, like, bro, this is so serious. 0.97

00:47:35.000 Well, like when I watch the cowboy movies, right?

00:47:37.000 I really love cowboy stuff.

00:47:38.000 When I watch those, I don't identify with the lead cowboy.

00:47:41.000 I don't identify with the gunslinger.

00:47:44.000 You know what I identify with?

00:47:45.000 When they go into the saloon and the guy's like, boys, what do you have?

00:47:47.000 And he's like wiping down a glass.

00:47:49.000 What are you guys at?

00:47:50.000 Pour the whiskey for you guys? 0.99

00:47:52.000 And then when you guys start fucking shooting, I think I'd be that guy. 0.99

00:47:55.000 And they'd be like, I like Jeff's bar, you know, that he's got... 0.99

00:47:58.000 You want to swing by and see Jeff?

00:48:00.000 He's always got a little joke for you, and he's got the whiskey in the glass.

00:48:04.000 I identify with that guy, and that guy's life's not great.

00:48:06.000 No.

00:48:07.000 But I think I could do that.

00:48:08.000 I think I'd survive that way.

00:48:09.000 That's a good way to be.

00:48:10.000 That's the best job in Old West, is the bartender guy.

00:48:14.000 As long as nobody breaks a bottle over your head.

00:48:16.000 I got no problems with anybody.

00:48:17.000 You guys start fine and go, hey, I'll clean it up when you guys leave. 0.99

00:48:19.000 Your problem being a bartender in the old west is you're a little too fucking handsome. 0.98

00:48:23.000 Would that affect me? 0.99

00:48:24.000 That would be an issue. 1.00

00:48:25.000 Yeah, the girls would be talking to you and then the guys would want to kill you. 1.00

00:48:29.000 Did you ever work the road road?

00:48:31.000 I don't know much about your comedy career before you were very successful.

00:48:34.000 Yeah, I did the road.

00:48:35.000 So I have a joke that I put in my act whenever I'm in a small town.

00:48:38.000 It's just in Norfolk.

00:48:38.000 And I was like, I'm looking for a Norfolk experience.

00:48:40.000 You guys know what it's like.

00:48:42.000 A beautiful girl will flirt with me. 1.00

00:48:44.000 Her big boyfriend will beat the shit out of me. 1.00

00:48:47.000 And then I'll get out of here. 0.99

00:48:49.000 That's every small town.

00:48:50.000 That's how it works.

00:48:52.000 Some girl, she's hot, but she's got tattoos and a zanny problem. 1.00

00:48:56.000 And then some girl's like, you were talking.

00:48:58.000 I was like, she's talking to me.

00:48:59.000 So maybe that would happen.

00:49:00.000 Well, there's girls that likes to stick their pitbulls on men. 1.00

00:49:05.000 That's what it is. 0.59

00:49:06.000 One of those chicks. 1.00

00:49:06.000 And they have a boyfriend who's a pitbull. 1.00

00:49:07.000 Yeah.

00:49:08.000 And they get excited by their man.

00:49:10.000 Fight for me.

00:49:11.000 Dude, that's real.

00:49:12.000 Yeah.

00:49:13.000 Those girls get you into trouble. 1.00

00:49:15.000 There was a girl that, the best sexual chemistry I've ever had with a woman.

00:49:18.000 And I hate cliches.

00:49:19.000 I told you this last night.

00:49:20.000 I don't like anything I've heard before. 1.00

00:49:22.000 So you know the old stupid, like, the crazy ones are the best sexually. 1.00

00:49:26.000 I mean, you know. 1.00

00:49:27.000 That's cliche sucks. 0.98

00:49:28.000 I know. 0.99

00:49:28.000 There's nice girls that are freaks. 0.99

00:49:30.000 They're really good at that.

00:49:31.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:49:32.000 So, but this girl, I hate to say it, you know, she was easily the best sexual chemistry ever.

00:49:36.000 But she broke into my house. 0.99

00:49:38.000 And she, you know, and she also would climb the gate in, like, a Vegas dress. 1.00

00:49:42.000 You know, I mean, she was the best sexually, but, like, she was a psycho. 1.00

00:49:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:49:46.000 A crazy person. 1.00

00:49:48.000 My friend Tony says that, uh, exotic and neurotic. 0.99

00:49:51.000 Are closely related.

00:49:52.000 Or not, you know, psychotic rather. 0.65

00:49:55.000 Psychotic and... 0.99

00:49:56.000 Jesus Christ.

00:49:58.000 What happened to my voice?

00:49:59.000 Psychotic and erotic, right?

00:50:01.000 They're completely interconnected.

00:50:03.000 They flirt with that line, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:50:04.000 They're in there together.

00:50:05.000 Tony Zara, shout out to Tony.

00:50:07.000 Yeah, I'm like, he's dead right. 0.88

00:50:08.000 There's something about the energy that someone would have that's so unique and so aggressive sexually, like some girl who's just behaving like a complete nympho, psycho, and you're like, oh my god, this is wild. 0.54

00:50:23.000 And when you're a young guy- Wild is sexy, yeah, yeah.

00:50:25.000 You're free.

00:50:26.000 I can't believe this is how...

00:50:27.000 But you don't have good preservation instincts because you wouldn't be friends with a guy like that.

00:50:32.000 Right. 1.00

00:50:32.000 That's a crazy person. 1.00

00:50:33.000 Yeah, but we talked about it. 0.99

00:50:35.000 We like crazy people.

00:50:36.000 Yeah.

00:50:36.000 They're fun.

00:50:37.000 They're fun. 0.56

00:50:37.000 Crazy people are fun. 0.56

00:50:38.000 A lot of my friends are legitimately crazy. 0.83

00:50:41.000 It's a problem, but it's fun. 0.56

00:50:41.000 Yeah. 0.56

00:50:42.000 It makes things, it's like, how much can you control the crazy?

00:50:45.000 It's like, do you have a Ferrari?

00:50:47.000 Yeah.

00:50:47.000 That Ferrari has 700 horsepower.

00:50:49.000 Do you know how to drive that?

00:50:50.000 Like, how much can you control that crazy? 0.97

00:50:52.000 Because occasionally you're going to fucking spin out around the corners. 0.97

00:50:55.000 One of my best friends is a crazy person who, I love him, but he, you know, I can't tell you how often there's some situation where I go, hey, bud. 0.98

00:51:04.000 Right.

00:51:04.000 You know, we can't do that again at a comedy club, you know?

00:51:06.000 Yes.

00:51:07.000 But he is the guy that I promise you, probably my only friend, who if I went to his house and goes, hey, something bad happened.

00:51:14.000 We got to get rid of this body.

00:51:15.000 He would just be like, all right, let's do this.

00:51:18.000 And I mean, he really would.

00:51:20.000 And that's scary a little.

00:51:22.000 Yeah, it is.

00:51:23.000 But that's the kind of humans you want.

00:51:24.000 Because all these rules that we have are all just created by humans.

00:51:27.000 We've agreed to them as if they're unbreakable doctrine.

00:51:31.000 Listen to me and listen very carefully.

00:51:34.000 If the power goes out for too long. 0.99

00:51:37.000 All those rules are bullshit, and that guy who will bury a body for you is the kind of person you want on your team. 0.99

00:51:45.000 100%. 0.99

00:51:45.000 Also, if the power goes out, I'm probably gonna show up to your place. 0.99

00:51:49.000 I got a spot for you.

00:51:50.000 Be in the gym.

00:51:51.000 Yeah.

00:51:51.000 Go, can I just be in your gym?

00:51:53.000 I've thought about literally setting up a ranch out here, just specifically for if things go sideways.

00:51:59.000 I think you're pretty set up.

00:52:02.000 This place is safe.

00:52:03.000 It's not that safe.

00:52:04.000 Dude, if things go sideways, it's not safe anywhere.

00:52:08.000 We have to understand that this society that we have that stays civil and beautiful and equitable and we have all this change that's happening in the world, this is only possible if you can get goods and services to people and if people have access to information.

00:52:25.000 It is not hard to shut that off.

00:52:27.000 If the power went out in this country, if someone attacked the grid and just destroyed our power grid and destroyed our satellites, if there was a coordinated effort by multiple superpowers to just destroy our satellites, destroy our grid,

00:52:43.000 we would be in chaos quickly.

00:52:46.000 Pretty fast, yeah, yeah.

00:52:47.000 Quickly.

00:52:48.000 Very quickly.

00:52:49.000 And then, if it lasts too long and there's some sort of a hostile military takeover of the country...

00:52:58.000 You're living in a totally different world than the one you live in now.

00:53:00.000 Now you live in China, and you never thought that was possible. 1.00

00:53:05.000 You thought that, you know, you would be able to just exist here and demand universal basic income, and you would have all these ideas in your head about the border wall is racist, and this and that.

00:53:18.000 And then all of a sudden, you live in a world that's unrecognizable.

00:53:25.000 And that's just an example of what could happen if someone acts, if a human being does something which is very similar to what other human beings are doing right now all over the world.

00:53:35.000 What's happening right now in Ukraine, what's happening right now in Israel, that is human beings launching bombs at people they've never met.

00:53:44.000 That's happening for sure. 1.00

00:53:46.000 The idea that that is not gonna happen here is just stupid. 1.00

00:53:51.000 It's stupid. 1.00

00:53:52.000 If you're living in Gaza right now, Think about that reality. 1.00

00:53:57.000 Think about the reality of where you used to sleep at night is now rubble.

00:54:02.000 Everything around it is rubble.

00:54:04.000 If you're lucky, and you can see that because you're alive.

00:54:07.000 Yeah, but some women have to deal with cat calling, Joe. 1.00

00:54:11.000 Listen, it's always good to move forward. 0.96

00:54:14.000 Like, it's always good to call out bullshit, but at a certain point in time, you need perspective. 0.98

00:54:18.000 You know? 1.00

00:54:19.000 Don't clean your bathroom while your fucking house is on fire. 1.00

00:54:22.000 You know? 1.00

00:54:23.000 Figure out what the fuck we need to do to make sure we don't blow ourselves up. 0.99

00:54:29.000 And that's just if humans act. 0.97

00:54:32.000 The real thing is stuff from somewhere else.

00:54:35.000 The real thing is asteroids.

00:54:37.000 That's the real one, kids.

00:54:40.000 If you look at the moon, that's us.

00:54:43.000 The moon is pelted, pelted by asteroids.

00:54:47.000 There's craters everywhere.

00:54:50.000 You look at every other planet that we could see, they all get hit.

00:54:54.000 You look at the surface of our planet, There's craters everywhere.

00:54:57.000 Everywhere. 1.00

00:54:59.000 This fucking place gets hit a lot. 0.99

00:55:01.000 I don't like to think about space for those reasons. 1.00

00:55:06.000 Nobody likes to think about it.

00:55:07.000 Well, because I can't control anything but me, right?

00:55:10.000 And so if I can't even control the people in my...

00:55:13.000 You know, the governor.

00:55:16.000 Can't even control that guy.

00:55:19.000 Space just seems so big.

00:55:21.000 Going like, oh, an astronaut.

00:55:22.000 What are you going to do?

00:55:24.000 What's the plan for an asteroid?

00:55:26.000 There's no plan right now.

00:55:27.000 I think they've got some theories of how to do something, but last time I spoke to someone who's an expert on the subject, he said it was about 10 years away from them being able to actually Successfully divert asteroids.

00:55:39.000 And then also, you've got to spot them all.

00:55:41.000 Some of them are coming from behind the sun, and apparently the way the gravity of the sun works, because it's so massive, it distorts the view of things that are coming from behind it.

00:55:51.000 Yeah, the asteroid goes, how about a sucker punch?

00:55:53.000 You know, just a little sucker punch to Earth.

00:55:55.000 They won't be ready.

00:55:56.000 That's what it is.

00:55:58.000 Bro, have you ever looked at the size of our sun in comparison to Earth?

00:56:02.000 Yeah.

00:56:03.000 And then looked at other suns in comparison to our sun, the biggest suns that are out there.

00:56:08.000 I didn't know there was other suns.

00:56:09.000 That's where I'm at, educationally.

00:56:11.000 I didn't even know there was other suns.

00:56:13.000 Well, stars.

00:56:13.000 Other stars.

00:56:14.000 Stars are suns, basically.

00:56:16.000 But the really big ones are bigger in proportion to when you see Earth and the sun.

00:56:24.000 When they see the sun and it, they're bigger than that.

00:56:26.000 These things are so big.

00:56:29.000 I hate Neil deGrasse Tyson or whatever that guy's name is. 1.00

00:56:33.000 I hate you. 1.00

00:56:34.000 You suck. 1.00

00:56:34.000 In my opinion, I think you're a bozo. 1.00

00:56:36.000 But he did say a really interesting thing once where he was talking about aliens.

00:56:39.000 It might have been to you.

00:56:40.000 Why do you hate them?

00:56:42.000 Uh...

00:56:43.000 Well, he said this thing, I'll get to that in a second.

00:56:45.000 He said, he goes, he's talking about life on other planets, and he goes, saying that there isn't life, you know, other than us, is like taking a thimble of ocean water and going, look, there's no whales.

00:56:58.000 There's no whales in here.

00:57:00.000 And it's really like, that's a great analogy.

00:57:03.000 Like, of course there's life out there.

00:57:05.000 Yeah, most likely there's life.

00:57:07.000 So this is just showing the relative sizes.

00:57:10.000 Oh my gosh.

00:57:11.000 So you go all the way from Earth to the Sun, and now Sirius A, and then look at this one.

00:57:18.000 Look at Polux. 0.98

00:57:19.000 And look at this one, Arcturus.

00:57:21.000 Now look how much bigger they are than the Earth.

00:57:23.000 Look at this one.

00:57:26.000 Look at that one.

00:57:27.000 Aldura.

00:57:27.000 Where's this guy?

00:57:28.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:57:29.000 Wait.

00:57:30.000 Just wait. 1.00

00:57:31.000 Look at this motherfucker. 1.00

00:57:32.000 What's that? 1.00

00:57:33.000 Is that God?

00:57:34.000 That's a blue hypergiant star called Pistol Star.

00:57:37.000 One's just called God.

00:57:38.000 Bro, no, look.

00:57:38.000 It keeps going, dude.

00:57:40.000 What is this one?

00:57:40.000 No, these are the stars.

00:57:42.000 This is how crazy the universe is.

00:57:45.000 Look at that one.

00:57:46.000 Stevenson.

00:57:47.000 No, no, no, no.

00:57:48.000 We're not done.

00:57:48.000 Look at the size.

00:57:50.000 No, no, no, no.

00:57:50.000 Bro, look at the size of a black hole.

00:57:56.000 Supermassive black hole.

00:57:57.000 Look at the size of this one.

00:58:00.000 This is blowing my mind.

00:58:01.000 Bro, there's black holes out there that are the size of galaxies.

00:58:04.000 Joe, if we were on mushrooms right now, I would be quiet for about four minutes after this, just going, okay, can you give me four minutes to just look at your roof for a second?

00:58:14.000 For sure.

00:58:14.000 That's insane.

00:58:16.000 Dude.

00:58:17.000 Look at the size of these galaxies, too.

00:58:20.000 220 light-years across.

00:58:22.000 1,862 light-years across.

00:58:25.000 Look at this one.

00:58:26.000 54,000 light-years across.

00:58:29.000 There's us.

00:58:30.000 105. Milky Way.

00:58:33.000 Do you ever been to a place where you can really see the stars at night?

00:58:37.000 Yeah, that's one of my favorite things about being like...

00:58:39.000 Camping?

00:58:40.000 Camping out in the...

00:58:41.000 Just how dark and beautiful it is.

00:58:44.000 It's really beautiful.

00:58:45.000 It's wild, right?

00:58:46.000 When you go, that's up there all the time?

00:58:48.000 Do you think aliens...

00:58:49.000 Do you think aliens are looking at us going...

00:58:52.000 This guy's, he's all losing his mind over a slam dunk.

00:58:56.000 You know, he's going like, they're all, everyone on this planet is going, that guy slam dunks the best.

00:59:03.000 When you look at the world like, the universe like that, and you go, all these earthlings are wearing the same shirt as that guy that dunks the best.

00:59:13.000 Not the guy that survives the best, not the guy that can feed the most or is the most noble.

00:59:19.000 We're all losing our mind about the guy that made the most three-pointers.

00:59:24.000 Well, I think it all has to do with war.

00:59:27.000 That's what I think.

00:59:28.000 How so?

00:59:29.000 I think the desire to be good at competitive athletics The roots of it are all in war.

00:59:36.000 It all started in war.

00:59:38.000 That's what I think.

00:59:39.000 And I think that that instinct to dominate and to get better at one-on-one competition or team competition all started from tactics and strategies in war.

00:59:54.000 And that desire, that human reward system is still in our heads.

01:00:00.000 And we know that we don't want to do that anymore.

01:00:02.000 So we have to find other ways of doing it.

01:00:04.000 A little game.

01:00:04.000 Yeah.

01:00:05.000 So I think the aliens would realize, like, oh, their human reward system got hijacked for something that doesn't even matter.

01:00:12.000 Right.

01:00:12.000 Like, I play pool, right?

01:00:14.000 I love pool. 0.99

01:00:15.000 And when I play it, it's like, if you watch it, it's like, why do you give a fuck if the ball goes in the hole? 0.99

01:00:20.000 Well, it's the goal. 1.00

01:00:20.000 That's so stupid. 1.00

01:00:21.000 Right. 1.00

01:00:21.000 But it's... 1.00

01:00:22.000 This coordinated mind effort thing that ignites that part of the brain that wants you to be good at war.

01:00:33.000 That's why we love competition.

01:00:35.000 It's like a built-in reward system in our mind.

01:00:40.000 And then also, if we're a society that's constantly looking to innovate, we're constantly looking for people that are Pushing the boundaries of whatever they do, whether it's music, whatever they do, comedy, pushing the boundary, like someone who's at the front of the line just out there chasing it,

01:00:56.000 because that sort of applies to society as a whole.

01:01:01.000 So if someone's doing that in a very public sphere, like playing in the NFL, it excites the energy of the people to do more things.

01:01:11.000 I think it's like a tribal reward system that's in our head, too.

01:01:15.000 Like a little mini...

01:01:16.000 Yeah.

01:01:17.000 So I think the aliens would recognize that.

01:01:18.000 I hope.

01:01:19.000 I think they would say this is probably a normal progression of, you know, territorial apes, then territorial apes with nuclear weapons, and then territorial apes that eventually evolve and then go out into the stars.

01:01:31.000 That's probably, it's probably how it always has to happen.

01:01:34.000 Neither one of them died, and that one's better.

01:01:36.000 Because I don't think with competition, I don't think you ever get the kind of innovation that you have today.

01:01:43.000 Or that you've probably had in the past.

01:01:44.000 I don't think you build the pyramids without competition.

01:01:48.000 There's something about that aspect of the human spirit that we want to compete, we want to win.

01:01:55.000 That fuels us in a way that people are embarrassed by, I think, sometimes.

01:02:01.000 It's one of the things they hate about Trump.

01:02:03.000 We're winning.

01:02:03.000 We're always gonna win.

01:02:05.000 We're winners. 0.98

01:02:06.000 They're losers. 0.95

01:02:07.000 I like that about him. 1.00

01:02:07.000 They're all losers. 1.00

01:02:08.000 If you read his book, I don't read any books. 1.00

01:02:11.000 I listen to books.

01:02:12.000 Yeah, I listen to books mostly.

01:02:13.000 I listen to about 10,000 books a year.

01:02:17.000 That's what I'm doing.

01:02:19.000 Joe, I'm reading...

01:02:21.000 Ten books a day.

01:02:21.000 I heard there's another guy who does that, too.

01:02:23.000 Oh, yeah?

01:02:24.000 Kindred spirit to me.

01:02:25.000 So I listen to one book probably every week and a half.

01:02:30.000 Because Audible, you can crank them out.

01:02:31.000 I'll be playing video games or driving or on an airplane or something.

01:02:35.000 So I just listen to a lot of books.

01:02:36.000 And I'm trying to think why I brought that up.

01:02:39.000 What were you saying before the book?

01:02:41.000 Trump winning.

01:02:41.000 Oh, yeah, Trump's book.

01:02:43.000 Thank you, Jim.

01:02:45.000 The Art of the Deal.

01:02:46.000 He's always talked like that.

01:02:47.000 Even before he was a president.

01:02:49.000 So if you know that that's just kind of how he is, you'd have totally understood that that's how real estate guys talk.

01:02:54.000 My building's the best and it's the biggest.

01:02:57.000 They go, it's not the biggest.

01:02:58.000 They go, it's the best hotel.

01:02:59.000 That's how he is.

01:03:00.000 So once you know that it isn't like...

01:03:03.000 He's lying or anything.

01:03:04.000 That's how the man is.

01:03:06.000 Also, he comes from a different era.

01:03:08.000 And by the way, he was celebrated forever.

01:03:11.000 Forever.

01:03:12.000 And then they turned him into a monster for the presidential campaign. 0.95

01:03:15.000 Before that, oh, he turned himself into a monster. 0.78

01:03:18.000 Initially.

01:03:19.000 Because he was claiming that Obama was from Kenya.

01:03:22.000 That was a tough hill to die on, too.

01:03:25.000 Here's my take. 1.00

01:03:26.000 Who gives a fuck what patch of dirt you're born on? 1.00

01:03:29.000 Are we trying to pretend that he was some embedded... 0.99

01:03:32.000 It was a strange one, that one.

01:03:34.000 Yeah, was he like an embedded enemy operative that was going to ruin the country?

01:03:36.000 Because I'm not an Obama guy by any means, but I remember being like, I don't care where it is.

01:03:39.000 It's a weird thing to care about.

01:03:41.000 Like, why do you care?

01:03:42.000 Especially Obama.

01:03:43.000 I mean, Trump was a lifelong Democrat.

01:03:46.000 Like, most of his life he was a Democrat.

01:03:48.000 Which is a weird thing to care that this one guy who's...

01:03:53.000 Listen, put policy aside.

01:03:55.000 I've said this a thousand times, I'll say it again.

01:03:56.000 That's the best president we've ever had.

01:03:58.000 He's the best representation of what we would hope we would want the world to see of America.

01:04:04.000 Very highly educated, well-spoken, even-keeled, emotionally balanced, brilliant man.

01:04:11.000 Not too black!

01:04:13.000 But also pulled himself up from hard times, single mother, very likable, very charismatic.

01:04:19.000 So all those things...

01:04:21.000 And you care what patch of dirt he was born on.

01:04:24.000 You should really care.

01:04:26.000 What are the policies?

01:04:28.000 What's good?

01:04:28.000 What's bad?

01:04:29.000 What's good for business?

01:04:30.000 What's bad for business?

01:04:31.000 What's good for the world order, the economy?

01:04:34.000 What's good for international relations?

01:04:36.000 That's what you should be king of!

01:04:37.000 Why do you care about what he's born?

01:04:38.000 And that's the adverse problem with Trump, is that nobody's looking at the policies.

01:04:41.000 They're just going unlikable, talks from the hip.

01:04:45.000 And so it's the reverse problem.

01:04:47.000 We have a guy who I think...

01:04:48.000 I like Trump for being America first, and I like that he's honest and unapologetic about the way he talks about other people.

01:04:55.000 Like, if you don't like a guy, you don't like a guy.

01:04:57.000 But he's so unlikable that that's what works against him.

01:05:01.000 The media also, you've got to realize that for all these years, all these years, they were pushing this... 1.00

01:05:08.000 Bullshit about this Russia collusion. 0.95

01:05:10.000 They were talking about the Steele dossier, this fake thing that the Clinton campaign funded. 1.00

01:05:17.000 They were doing all these things to demonize him.

01:05:21.000 At the same time, they were lying about the Hunter Biden laptop. 1.00

01:05:25.000 It's just you got spoon-fed some bullshit, unfortunately. 1.00

01:05:29.000 And on top of that, he's an easy guy to hate. 1.00

01:05:32.000 So it's both of those things.

01:05:33.000 He doesn't try to be.

01:05:34.000 He never played the game.

01:05:35.000 Yeah, he's definitely got some stretches of the truth.

01:05:40.000 You know if I was Joe Rogan, you know who I try to hang out with all the time is?

01:05:43.000 Who?

01:05:43.000 George W. Bush.

01:05:45.000 Oh, right.

01:05:45.000 I think he'd be a cool guy to hang out with.

01:05:47.000 He might be depressed.

01:05:48.000 He might be just painting, thinking about all those people that died.

01:05:51.000 Yes, exactly.

01:05:52.000 I like to think that he's playing catch.

01:05:55.000 Thinking about a million dead Iraqis.

01:06:00.000 That's one of those ones, dude.

01:06:02.000 If I was president while the Iraq was responsible for that, and I was still alive, I'd be like, check please. 0.99

01:06:10.000 I don't want this fucking vibe on me. 0.98

01:06:13.000 There's no way you're having good days. 1.00

01:06:14.000 If you're a conscionable person, look, we know that weapons of mass destruction shit was bullshit. 1.00

01:06:22.000 We know it now. 1.00

01:06:23.000 It's universally accepted.

01:06:26.000 That's why that war was started. 0.91

01:06:28.000 For sure.

01:06:29.000 And Obama, I mean, he's got a lot of deaths on his...

01:06:32.000 A lot of drones.

01:06:33.000 Yeah, a lot of drones.

01:06:34.000 A different type of... 0.99

01:06:35.000 Ramped up that fucking sky robot. 0.99

01:06:38.000 He went for the record. 0.99

01:06:39.000 The sky robots with missiles are the scariest, dude.

01:06:42.000 I know.

01:06:42.000 Every Sam Tripoli tweet that I see is of, you know, some robot chasing a soldier and then touching the soldier and blowing.

01:06:50.000 You imagine in Yemen...

01:06:51.000 Like a video game.

01:06:52.000 Imagine being in Yemen and you're on your way to a wedding.

01:06:55.000 And there's a whole line of you driving towards this wedding, and you're like, what are the odds we get nuked from the sky?

01:07:03.000 Pretty good.

01:07:04.000 Pretty good odds.

01:07:05.000 That's gotta be scary.

01:07:08.000 To be in a line of cars headed somewhere in Yemen.

01:07:12.000 I just meant George W. seems cool, you know, with the baseball and the cigars and the beers.

01:07:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:07:17.000 I don't want to think about that part of it.

01:07:18.000 Your cousin's a terrorist, and he happens to be in the third car back.

01:07:22.000 Can't do that.

01:07:23.000 He's just here for the wedding.

01:07:24.000 Yeah.

01:07:24.000 Don't let the cousin come!

01:07:26.000 He's got metadata!

01:07:27.000 You should stay home, Andre.

01:07:29.000 You know, because that's what they did with some of those drone attacks.

01:07:32.000 They attack metadata.

01:07:33.000 I know.

01:07:34.000 I don't know what metadata is.

01:07:37.000 This is what it is.

01:07:37.000 So if you are texting from a cell phone, if you're calling from a cell phone, they can locate that cell phone.

01:07:43.000 They can triangulate the area where that cell phone is.

01:07:47.000 There's been times where they just send a missile to that cell phone.

01:07:51.000 To that cell phone.

01:07:51.000 Oh my god.

01:07:52.000 He's in a cafe?

01:07:53.000 You could be, that cell phone, your baby could be sitting in the crib playing a game on your phone.

01:07:58.000 Like legitimately.

01:07:59.000 And the number of people that are Just innocent civilians versus the number of targets that get killed by drones is off the charts.

01:08:09.000 You don't even know what your dad does for a living.

01:08:11.000 You don't even know how he's making money.

01:08:14.000 You're a baby.

01:08:15.000 You're like watching a YouTube video.

01:08:17.000 Oh my gosh. 0.97

01:08:17.000 You get hit with a missile. 0.97

01:08:19.000 This is why America's great, is that...

01:08:22.000 I don't, you know, we have the luxury of, at least I do, I have the luxury of not thinking about that all day.

01:08:29.000 Yeah, you know the people that think about it are the drone operators.

01:08:32.000 They go through a very bizarre state of PTSD, apparently.

01:08:37.000 See if you can find anything on that, because I was reading something about that, like that's a weird PTSD that the drone operators get.

01:08:43.000 To be separated from it?

01:08:44.000 It's like playing Call of Duty all day, but you're really killing people?

01:08:47.000 Yeah, people are really done.

01:08:49.000 You're watching it on a screen.

01:08:50.000 I don't think he would want me to say his name.

01:08:53.000 I won't say his name.

01:08:55.000 But he was like, I met this guy for...

01:08:59.000 I'm pretty good at making friends pretty quick.

01:09:01.000 I'm just chatting him up at the bar in San Diego.

01:09:04.000 Military guy.

01:09:04.000 He's all jacked.

01:09:05.000 He just seems like a cool guy.

01:09:07.000 He's like, oh, I know your comedy, man.

01:09:08.000 You're friends with Josh and blah, blah, blah.

01:09:10.000 So I just chop it up with him.

01:09:11.000 I'm probably talking to this guy for minimum five minutes.

01:09:14.000 And I go, what do you do, man?

01:09:15.000 He's like, oh, I'm in the military.

01:09:16.000 And I was like, you know, San Diego.

01:09:18.000 So I go, oh, thanks for your service.

01:09:19.000 I do the whole thing.

01:09:20.000 I go, you want to see?

01:09:22.000 I was like, yeah, I didn't think anything of it.

01:09:24.000 He pulls up on his phone a drone attack that he did, and it looks like a video game.

01:09:32.000 That's the only context I have of what a video game would look like.

01:09:35.000 And there's a guy here, a guy here, a guy here, and he gets the one guy.

01:09:39.000 The two guys run away, and then a dog was right next to that guy.

01:09:42.000 The dog's fine, too.

01:09:43.000 And he was gone.

01:09:44.000 See that?

01:09:44.000 Got that guy, and...

01:09:46.000 Even the dog lived.

01:09:47.000 And those two guys next to him, I got him.

01:09:49.000 But I've never seen anything like this in my life.

01:09:52.000 And I look at this guy and I go, wait, wait, that guy's dead now.

01:09:55.000 He goes, yeah, that was, I did that.

01:09:57.000 Like, literally, like, last week.

01:09:59.000 And he's showing it to me on his phone.

01:10:01.000 He's got, like, a saved file to a stranger that he met five minutes ago.

01:10:05.000 I don't think that's legal.

01:10:07.000 Really?

01:10:07.000 I bet that footage is, like, highly classified.

01:10:10.000 Really? 1.00

01:10:10.000 Yeah, I bet you can get really fucked up. 1.00

01:10:12.000 Well, it's good I didn't say his name, huh? 0.99

01:10:13.000 The conclusion of a study on it done in 2021, and right here it says, uh, because if they admit psychological issues, they're gonna probably- they could lose their job.

01:10:23.000 Oh.

01:10:23.000 So there's not a lot of known- It's like the concussion thing in the NFL. Yeah, like they're saying in this whole study, they know there is something here, but because it's really hard to study and it's all secret.

01:10:35.000 I mean, I think it has to be a thing.

01:10:37.000 There's no way you could be able to launch missiles out of a robot in the sky and accidentally kill 80% civilians.

01:10:44.000 And feel nothing, yeah.

01:10:45.000 Yeah.

01:10:45.000 What is the actual numbers of civilians killed in drone strikes?

01:10:50.000 I know we've done this before, but I can never remember.

01:10:52.000 But it's kind of nuts.

01:10:54.000 It's not like it's 50-50.

01:10:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:10:56.000 Yeah, that'd be great.

01:10:58.000 50-50 is like negotiable.

01:11:00.000 About half, you know?

01:11:00.000 You know, the guy's a really bad guy.

01:11:02.000 He's gonna kill a million people with a nuclear bomb. 1.00

01:11:04.000 We could bomb his apartment building and kill a few unfortunate folks that happen to be in the vicinity, but we have to get them. 1.00

01:11:10.000 That's why it's good to be a comedian. 1.00

01:11:12.000 Oh my god.

01:11:13.000 The decisions I have to make.

01:11:15.000 So much better.

01:11:15.000 Yeah.

01:11:16.000 It's so much better.

01:11:18.000 But also just the thinking about, you know, because the guy that I'm referencing, he didn't make those decisions.

01:11:25.000 He's been trained to do that.

01:11:27.000 Someone else has to make that decision.

01:11:29.000 I just don't think he's supposed to show people that video.

01:11:31.000 I don't think you're even supposed to have that video. 0.95

01:11:33.000 I haven't shut the fuck up about it since it happened.

01:11:35.000 That was like four years ago, five years ago. 0.94

01:11:37.000 I was gone.

01:11:37.000 I just couldn't believe it.

01:11:39.000 It's what? 0.99

01:11:39.000 It's fucking nuts. 0.99

01:11:41.000 Yeah, there's so many of those videos now. 0.99

01:11:42.000 You can see so much war footage now.

01:11:45.000 How do you see all this stuff?

01:11:46.000 I remember a long time ago, they showed you two girls, one cup.

01:11:49.000 I thought it was Red Band, yeah.

01:11:51.000 But your reaction was like, man, this is nothing.

01:11:53.000 I've seen...

01:11:53.000 And then what you referenced, we all, as fans, go, what is he talking about?

01:11:58.000 And then we find that stuff, we're going, holy shit. 0.99

01:12:01.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:12:01.000 But what is the... 0.94

01:12:03.000 I don't even know what the dark web is.

01:12:04.000 Well, you don't have to go...

01:12:06.000 I don't do that.

01:12:07.000 Oh.

01:12:07.000 Just on Instagram alone.

01:12:09.000 Now?

01:12:10.000 Yeah, Instagram's bananas now.

01:12:12.000 But back then, you knew where stuff was.

01:12:16.000 Okay, hold on a second.

01:12:18.000 U.S. airstrikes killed at least 22,000 civilians since 9-11.

01:12:22.000 So that's the number of people that were killed.

01:12:26.000 But what's the percentage?

01:12:28.000 Because there was a crazy percentage of casualties that were not...

01:12:33.000 You know, they're just civilians.

01:12:36.000 Oh, no!

01:12:37.000 Right, but I'm saying, what is the percentage?

01:12:38.000 There was a percentage number.

01:12:40.000 Something nuts, like over 80% civilian deaths.

01:12:43.000 You'd think it'd be like 400, right?

01:12:45.000 You go, oops, 400. Not, oops, 22,000.

01:12:49.000 The death this year was during Trump, 2017, when at least 4,931 civilians were likely killed, the vast majority in coalition bombings of Iraq and Syria.

01:13:00.000 Jesus.

01:13:00.000 However, going by maximum estimates, 2017 emerges as the worst year for civilians with up to 19,623 killed, almost all in the bombing campaign against ISIS. Death toll from US airstrikes,

01:13:17.000 387,000 civilians who are believed to have been killed by all parties during the War on Terror.

01:13:25.000 Wow.

01:13:26.000 I take it back.

01:13:27.000 I get why the aliens go, oh, I get why he likes the guy that dunks.

01:13:31.000 Yeah.

01:13:33.000 That guy did way better than this.

01:13:36.000 Yeah.

01:13:36.000 Unfortunately, no one can imagine a world without that stuff.

01:13:39.000 That's what's crazy.

01:13:40.000 If you said to people, what are the odds there will be no war in five years? 0.99

01:13:44.000 Everyone's going to say, fucking zero. 0.99

01:13:46.000 Okay, here it is. 0.99

01:13:47.000 Suggest that civilians make up between 7.27% and 15.47% of the deaths in U.S. drone strikes in Pakistan.

01:13:56.000 Hmm.

01:13:57.000 This doesn't include just those three places.

01:13:59.000 It doesn't include Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran.

01:14:02.000 Hmm.

01:14:02.000 I've heard it like way skewed in the other direction.

01:14:05.000 I'm also under the assumption that this data isn't going to be most prevalent in a search.

01:14:12.000 Right.

01:14:12.000 But it seems like there's got to be somebody who compiled that.

01:14:16.000 I'm looking, but I still like getting lost in different websites that are old from 2014 when people were talking about this a lot more.

01:14:28.000 And there's nothing just like saying the number right up front.

01:14:33.000 It's a crazy way to kill people.

01:14:37.000 It really is.

01:14:40.000 Ultimately, we're probably going to look at this the way we look at cannonballs.

01:14:45.000 You know? 0.98

01:14:46.000 Like, cannonballs now are ridiculous. 0.68

01:14:48.000 Because we have missiles. 0.93

01:14:49.000 Why would you use a cannonball when I could just- Can you get a ball wrecking through them?

01:14:52.000 We have hypersonic missiles.

01:14:53.000 Hypersonic missiles are a real thing that human beings have created.

01:14:56.000 They can change direction in the air.

01:14:58.000 That's amazing. 0.98

01:14:59.000 You can't figure out where the fuck they're going, and by the time you do, they've already hit. 0.99

01:15:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:15:03.000 They go faster than the speed of sound. 0.99

01:15:05.000 Imagine a cannonball coming at you.

01:15:06.000 You go, he's still using this?

01:15:08.000 What is this?

01:15:09.000 Yeah, so, Murphy misfired claim that 8 out of 10 US drones missed their target.

01:15:14.000 8 out of 10?

01:15:14.000 They're saying that this is not the correct quote.

01:15:17.000 He fucked up by saying that. 0.97

01:15:19.000 It's not accurate. 0.99

01:15:20.000 I'm glad they made it the headline, you know.

01:15:24.000 That's good for guys like me.

01:15:26.000 Yeah.

01:15:29.000 Either way.

01:15:30.000 Civilian death toll is calculated between...

01:15:32.000 So here's the other problem, too, that I've been told.

01:15:35.000 The problem is a lot of times when they get their death numbers, they're getting them from the ground.

01:15:40.000 They're getting them from people on the ground, and whether it's ISIS or whoever, will exaggerate the amount of civilian deaths.

01:15:47.000 Okay, and so to make it look terrible that I mean this is one of the reasons why you know like Hamas does things in hospitals Yeah, you know, they just killed those guys in hospitals the other day So don't they live under the hospitals and stuff or like that's where the base is supposedly I don't know enough to comment on that But I do know that that's what they've always said these guys operate in places where you can't bomb like hospitals Yeah,

01:16:09.000 it turns out that was true in this case they killed these three guys in a hospital That was true over a five month period in Afghanistan over a decade ago.

01:16:17.000 Wow.

01:16:18.000 That 8 out of 10. 8 out of 10. So what did he get in trouble for saying it for?

01:16:23.000 So what were you mad at Neil deGrasse Tyson for?

01:16:27.000 I'm not mad at him.

01:16:28.000 I'm annoyed that a man of science...

01:16:30.000 Would say things like, you know, I like to get my information from smart people.

01:16:35.000 I like to think that a guy like him, who's very smart, would say a smart thing that has no emotions linked to it.

01:16:43.000 You know, like you like to think like, give me the facts, you know, give me some stuff.

01:16:46.000 Which he does with a lot of things.

01:16:47.000 Yeah.

01:16:48.000 Yeah.

01:16:48.000 Used to really like him a lot.

01:16:50.000 And then you'll say something like, you know, someone will say, well, like, biologically, we have a male and a female has chromosomes, different chromosomes than a man.

01:16:58.000 You can look at the bones of a man and the bones of a female. 0.79

01:17:00.000 And despite what's going on in your emotions and in your soul or spirit or whatever we want to label it, if we're just talking about the biological makeup of something, we can put them into two categories.

01:17:12.000 Yes.

01:17:13.000 Forget what your spirit is or your essence or how you feel.

01:17:16.000 If we're just looking at the meat and bones and cells and chromosomes of something, we can make biological arguments that there is a male and a female.

01:17:26.000 And then his argument goes, why do you care?

01:17:29.000 What do you mean, why do I care?

01:17:31.000 You're the man of science.

01:17:33.000 You should tell me.

01:17:34.000 That should be your argument, is that if we're just looking at biology and not the spirit of someone or whatever, the feelings.

01:17:41.000 And instead his argument is, why do you care?

01:17:44.000 I care.

01:17:45.000 I want you to tell people facts about things scientifically, not just go, what does it matter?

01:17:50.000 You go, well, when you go on about the cosmos, people don't go, why do you care?

01:17:55.000 We care.

01:17:56.000 Like, that's not a good scientific argument for things.

01:17:59.000 And he's really jumped ship on science, as a science guy.

01:18:04.000 Yeah, it's bizarre, but it's a mind virus.

01:18:07.000 And it's a mind virus that demands compliance. 0.98

01:18:11.000 You have to comply to this ridiculous new ideology.

01:18:16.000 And a part of that, and this is where it really annoyed me about his argument, was that that should apply somehow to sports.

01:18:23.000 Oh, yeah.

01:18:23.000 And this is where this is going.

01:18:25.000 This is why it's so crazy.

01:18:26.000 That is absolutely insane.

01:18:28.000 That's absolutely insane. 0.89

01:18:29.000 This is not saying that people shouldn't be allowed to be transgender. 0.57

01:18:32.000 Of course they should.

01:18:33.000 You're allowed to do whatever you want to do.

01:18:34.000 We can treat them nice, but then also have facts.

01:18:36.000 But you cannot just say you're a woman and compete with women in sports. 0.73

01:18:41.000 And if you support that, scientifically, that is untenable.

01:18:45.000 Just scientifically, with the amount of data that we have about the differences between males and females in sports, The gap is so wide that you're going to have your outliers, your extraordinary females, and your weak men, and they're going to kind of cross over.

01:18:59.000 They love to use those examples.

01:19:00.000 Yeah, but those examples aren't valid because if you take a biological male of normal athletic ability competing against a biological female...

01:19:10.000 Who is elite of elite.

01:19:12.000 The biological male has massive advantages, especially in things like combat sports.

01:19:17.000 So they just passed a thing allowing biological males to identify as females and box females.

01:19:24.000 That's crazy to me.

01:19:26.000 And I don't know what parameters they have.

01:19:29.000 You can't just be making weight. 0.98

01:19:31.000 Because if it's just making weight, like, holy shit, are you testing testosterone levels? 0.98

01:19:36.000 Are you making sure? 0.98

01:19:38.000 Because what are you doing?

01:19:39.000 What are you doing?

01:19:40.000 There's a reason it's separated.

01:19:42.000 It's so crazy to let them do this because there are people that are legitimately transgender and they, again, should be able to do whatever they want to do. 1.00

01:19:51.000 But there's also people that are out of their fucking mind. 0.99

01:19:54.000 Be reasonable. 0.99

01:19:55.000 That's all it is.

01:19:56.000 And there's people that literally, if you allow them to pretend to be a woman and beat women up, they will do it. 0.94

01:20:02.000 Yep.

01:20:03.000 Well, it's funny.

01:20:03.000 I use Brendan Schaub.

01:20:05.000 In the bit, I'm doing it on my special, The Last Cowboy in LA. I have a bit where I talk about Fallon Fox, right?

01:20:12.000 Because I used to be one of these guys.

01:20:14.000 I'm a comedian.

01:20:15.000 I want everyone to laugh. 0.95

01:20:16.000 I want to be the clown. 0.77

01:20:18.000 People go, they say, I saw the clown, it made me happy. 0.71

01:20:20.000 Going to work tomorrow, happy, you know?

01:20:22.000 So I used to be one of these guys that goes, I don't, you know, I don't know, ask someone else.

01:20:26.000 That used to be me, from Seattle, going, hey, I don't know, I don't know.

01:20:30.000 And they say, can you believe they're letting a woman fight in UFC? She's a biological male who... 1.00

01:20:36.000 It wasn't in the UFC. It was in a smaller organization.

01:20:39.000 And then I say to myself, hey, I don't have no opinions.

01:20:42.000 But then you watch it, and it's like the one girl in the corner, I'm D'Amica.

01:20:46.000 And then they go, versus Fallon Foxx.

01:20:50.000 And I was like, oh, maybe I have some opinions.

01:20:53.000 Wait, they're gonna let them fight?

01:20:55.000 Yeah.

01:20:55.000 That's when you start going, maybe I do have some...

01:20:57.000 And you saw the fight.

01:20:58.000 And I go, alright, I formed a few opinions about this subject.

01:21:01.000 It looked like domestic violence. 0.96

01:21:03.000 It was crazy.

01:21:03.000 You like that?

01:21:04.000 We don't like it. 1.00

01:21:05.000 And then you hear the voice, and you're like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:21:07.000 But you can't watch that and then still be like a tepid guy who's like... 0.99

01:21:11.000 Oh, you know, I don't really have an opinion on this.

01:21:14.000 Let them do what they want.

01:21:15.000 Back then, Neil deGrasse Tyson wasn't chiming in like this.

01:21:19.000 Ever.

01:21:19.000 No.

01:21:19.000 He got caught up in that same silly mind virus.

01:21:24.000 Look, it doesn't mean you're not a compassionate person that recognizes that there's a whole wide variety of human beings that feel different than you. 0.90

01:21:33.000 Sure.

01:21:33.000 And we should be open-minded to that, for sure.

01:21:35.000 But you should also protect women.

01:21:37.000 You should protect women's sports and protect women that are forced to, in high school, in college, and even in some professional sports, forced to compete against people that have significant physical advantages. 0.99

01:21:50.000 And I bet a lot of those people are out of their fucking minds. 0.99

01:21:54.000 How about tell me what percentage of them have mental issues? 1.00

01:21:57.000 Right.

01:21:58.000 What percentage of these people that are doing this have mental issues?

01:22:00.000 It's probably a lot, and you're allowing them to get all this credit and all this extra love.

01:22:05.000 Yeah.

01:22:05.000 Because people lean in.

01:22:08.000 You've seen comics lean into their audience and become a different person because they develop a certain audience and they're kind of like, oh, I'm going to lean into that.

01:22:17.000 People lean into everything.

01:22:18.000 Right.

01:22:19.000 They'll lean in to being a woman. 1.00

01:22:21.000 You know, they just decide.

01:22:23.000 They're like, look at all the love I get from being a woman.

01:22:26.000 You put the lipstick on, oh girl, you look so good.

01:22:28.000 Thank you, baby.

01:22:29.000 Yas queen. 0.99

01:22:30.000 And then you're all cosplaying.

01:22:31.000 And they lean into it.

01:22:33.000 And there's also legit trans people.

01:22:35.000 There's legit people that really should be a woman. 1.00

01:22:38.000 Nature just fucked you. 1.00

01:22:39.000 You got a shithand of cards. 1.00

01:22:41.000 Or got all jumbled up or whatever it was.

01:22:44.000 And you go, why do you care?

01:22:45.000 Well, I'll tell you what.

01:22:47.000 If I had a daughter that's trying to get a swimming scholarship, like, then you care.

01:22:52.000 Then you care.

01:22:53.000 You start to say, well, I'd like someone smart and famous and someone who could be on a thing like this to maybe say these things instead of just going, well, why would you care?

01:23:01.000 Some people care.

01:23:02.000 There's people that care about these subjects.

01:23:05.000 Ari sent me this karate fight the other day.

01:23:08.000 I'm already in.

01:23:09.000 Between this guy and a girl.

01:23:10.000 And it's so quick and so violent.

01:23:13.000 It's so disturbing.

01:23:14.000 It's so disturbing that someone let this happen in the first place. 0.98

01:23:18.000 And I think they're both black belts. 0.50

01:23:20.000 Okay.

01:23:20.000 And this guy manhandles this lady so quickly and so awfully.

01:23:25.000 If you can't find it, I'll find it.

01:23:27.000 You want me to send it to you?

01:23:28.000 Let me see.

01:23:30.000 They're both wearing white karate geese and they're standing apart from each other.

01:23:34.000 Oh, here it is.

01:23:35.000 Look at this.

01:23:36.000 Oh! 0.60

01:23:37.000 That first one was...

01:23:38.000 Bro, this is like...

01:23:39.000 What's that last one? 1.00

01:23:40.000 He's a dick. 1.00

01:23:41.000 He's a dick. 1.00

01:23:42.000 What was the leg thing she's doing here? 1.00

01:23:43.000 She's tapping.

01:23:44.000 She's just tapping.

01:23:45.000 Yeah, but that last part... 1.00

01:23:46.000 And then he just bitch slaps her to the ground. 1.00

01:23:49.000 That's the difference between males and females when it comes especially to combat sports. 1.00

01:23:53.000 It's not fair.

01:23:55.000 There's not a world where that's fair.

01:23:57.000 Not a world.

01:23:58.000 And if you do think that this is fine, you know, make a men versus women NFL. Let's just do that. 0.99

01:24:06.000 Let's do it.

01:24:08.000 The men would win 60 years in a row.

01:24:11.000 We'd be like, we won the championship again.

01:24:12.000 The field would just be covered of broken women. 1.00

01:24:14.000 Like, I broke my finger.

01:24:15.000 I'm waiting for trans men or trans women in the WNBA. When that starts, yeah. 0.88

01:24:21.000 Bro, that all of a sudden would be an exciting game.

01:24:24.000 I'd watch.

01:24:25.000 Yeah, we got dunks now.

01:24:26.000 Not just that, but you got freaks.

01:24:29.000 It's a wild freak show.

01:24:31.000 And you know what it is?

01:24:32.000 Seven foot dudes with lipstick on.

01:24:35.000 Even if there was a woman who was so good at women's basketball that she could compete in the NBA, I would say don't let her do it. 1.00

01:24:43.000 Well, you're gonna get knocked around.

01:24:45.000 Yeah, because it's also like, well, that's not what we're doing here.

01:24:47.000 Right.

01:24:48.000 Otherwise, then the men could go play with you because they're good enough. 0.96

01:24:51.000 Did you see this...

01:24:53.000 I think he's a professor somewhere in Canada.

01:24:55.000 He's a 50-year-old man who identifies as a teenage girl.

01:24:58.000 And so he's competing with teenage girls in swimming.

01:25:01.000 I've not seen this.

01:25:02.000 And they let him change in the same changing room as the teenage girls.

01:25:06.000 See, these are the things that matter. 1.00

01:25:08.000 So they let this 50-year-old man whip his cock out. 1.00

01:25:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:25:12.000 And be naked.

01:25:14.000 That's wild. 0.66

01:25:15.000 In the presence of teenage girls.

01:25:17.000 So they apparently they like put curtains up to try to shield it.

01:25:20.000 50 year old trans swimmer shared locker room while competing against teens.

01:25:24.000 The girls were terrified. 1.00

01:25:26.000 And look at that crazy fuck. 1.00

01:25:27.000 Yeah, this is... 1.00

01:25:29.000 This is so nuts that anybody would allow that.

01:25:32.000 Someone might be listening to this and go, oh, come on.

01:25:35.000 This is like an isolate.

01:25:36.000 Yeah, but even if it happens once, don't you think that's too much?

01:25:39.000 This is just like the Fallon Fox thing.

01:25:41.000 When that happened, I was outraged. 0.99

01:25:43.000 I was like, this is ridiculous. 0.99

01:25:44.000 That's a guy. 0.98

01:25:45.000 And people got so mad at me.

01:25:46.000 And I was like, this is a wild thing to get mad at.

01:25:49.000 I'm not getting mad at someone for being trans.

01:25:53.000 Right.

01:25:53.000 I'm getting mad at someone for lying and not saying they were trans for two fights.

01:25:58.000 Yeah.

01:25:59.000 Look, if you're a trans woman and a biological female agrees to fight you, I feel the same way that I feel when someone's going to ride a bull. 1.00

01:26:09.000 Like, I wouldn't recommend it, but if you want to do it, I support your right to do whatever the fuck you want to do. 0.97

01:26:14.000 There's a woman who fought in the UFC, Ashley Evans-Smith, and she actually beat Fallon Fox.

01:26:20.000 She beat her. 1.00

01:26:21.000 She mounted her and pounded on her, but she's a really good fighter and she made it to the UFC. Where she lost to Raquel Pennington, who is the current UFC Bantamweight Champion. 0.92

01:26:29.000 So she's a legit fighter. 1.00

01:26:31.000 But it starts with that.

01:26:34.000 And if it keeps going, if you can really...

01:26:38.000 There's enough people that promote this term, minor attracted person.

01:26:42.000 That term is so crazy to me.

01:26:46.000 It almost feels like a 4chan troll that just went amok and just like free bleeding.

01:26:52.000 You know, free bleeding was a 4chan troll.

01:26:55.000 I think it was, right?

01:26:57.000 Didn't it start off as a 4chan troll? 1.00

01:26:58.000 So they decided to pretend that real feminism is just letting your vagina just leak blood into your pants and it's proudly showing off your sweatpants. 1.00

01:27:07.000 Unsanitary. 1.00

01:27:07.000 It's ridiculous. 1.00

01:27:09.000 And some women started doing it! 1.00

01:27:10.000 That's crazy.

01:27:10.000 And some women started doing it.

01:27:11.000 But now imagine me going, why do you care, Joe?

01:27:14.000 Yeah.

01:27:15.000 Oh, so a 50-year-old's change in front of a 16-year-old in this...

01:27:18.000 Why do you care?

01:27:19.000 Why do you care?

01:27:20.000 I think we should care.

01:27:22.000 Yeah.

01:27:22.000 If it happens even one time.

01:27:24.000 Let's say it doesn't become this bigger social issue.

01:27:28.000 It shouldn't happen once.

01:27:29.000 Well, this is the question.

01:27:32.000 Do pedophiles exist?

01:27:35.000 100%.

01:27:36.000 Yes.

01:27:37.000 Do perverts and sex offenders exist?

01:27:42.000 Yes.

01:27:42.000 They exist.

01:27:43.000 These are real things that we know are in the human race.

01:27:45.000 Yeah.

01:27:46.000 If the possibility of someone that Is one of those things.

01:27:53.000 Yeah.

01:27:54.000 And all they have to do is say they're a woman. 0.95

01:27:56.000 They have access to dishonesty.

01:27:58.000 You had a Willy Wonka golden ticket to go wherever you want.

01:28:02.000 You just have to say you're a woman. 0.91

01:28:03.000 You don't think that a serial pedophile would do that?

01:28:09.000 If all of a sudden he can say it, he can just say I'm a woman.

01:28:13.000 Did you see the guy who won the LPGA tournament stop?

01:28:18.000 It's not an LPGA. Whatever it is.

01:28:20.000 Yeah, I mean, it's...

01:28:20.000 Oh, sorry.

01:28:21.000 Women's golf.

01:28:22.000 Yeah, it sort of matters, but that's also...

01:28:23.000 I was just reading about it.

01:28:25.000 So this dude just decides he's a woman.

01:28:28.000 Puts his skirt on. 0.62

01:28:29.000 It's happening a lot lately.

01:28:30.000 Doesn't change his appearance at all.

01:28:31.000 And just murders this woman's golf. 0.99

01:28:34.000 He didn't change anything?

01:28:36.000 No, no, no.

01:28:36.000 I said he did a reassignment surgery.

01:28:38.000 He had it?

01:28:39.000 Yeah.

01:28:39.000 Oh, okay.

01:28:42.000 Well, at least she's hot, you know? 1.00

01:28:45.000 Haley Davidson.

01:28:45.000 So you have to go through the surgery.

01:28:48.000 Wait a minute, is that the same one?

01:28:49.000 Yeah.

01:28:50.000 Let me see.

01:28:51.000 This story went back to 2022. I didn't know that it's been going on for a little while.

01:28:54.000 I thought the one just happened.

01:28:56.000 This one just happened.

01:28:57.000 Oh, this one just happened.

01:28:58.000 It's an LPGA qualifying event.

01:29:00.000 Oh, okay.

01:29:00.000 That's when they add the LPGA to the headline, it makes more news than when you say NNXT. That's why you shouldn't believe everything you see on Instagram Reels.

01:29:08.000 Yeah, that's where I'm guilty.

01:29:12.000 I'll hear a guy tell me a thing in a warehouse 20 years ago, and I'm going, is that true?

01:29:16.000 Exactly.

01:29:16.000 It always happens.

01:29:18.000 So, is this the first transgender woman to win golf tournament? 0.57

01:29:23.000 I believe so.

01:29:24.000 To win an event, yeah.

01:29:26.000 And then what happens, though, by winning this event, she earns an opportunity to play more, which could lead to an LPGA qualifying spot. 0.74

01:29:36.000 Yeah.

01:29:37.000 She did win money. 1.00

01:29:38.000 Let me see.

01:29:39.000 Yeah, that's the person.

01:29:40.000 Yeah, man.

01:29:41.000 There she is, huh?

01:29:42.000 Wild.

01:29:44.000 Let's see her next to some other gals. 1.00

01:29:47.000 There you go.

01:29:49.000 The claim also is that by after having all of the surgeries and stuff, lost 15 miles an hour on club head speed, which is...

01:29:59.000 A lot?

01:30:00.000 You could gain that back, I guess, but I don't know.

01:30:02.000 Yeah, well, that sounds like a lot, but also I bet...

01:30:04.000 Jamie, why do you care?

01:30:05.000 But don't you think it's still probably faster than the women's? 0.99

01:30:08.000 Yeah, so the average for a man, it was saying, is about 115 on the PGA Tour, and the average LPGA is about 95. And it doesn't say where they were before or after.

01:30:18.000 Also, is that what he said, or was that what was measured?

01:30:20.000 This is just average in general.

01:30:23.000 It's not, you know, it's just right here.

01:30:24.000 You definitely lose something.

01:30:26.000 If you're on estrogen, and you have your testes removed, hee hee.

01:30:32.000 Claims.

01:30:33.000 She lost 15 miles per hour.

01:30:35.000 Her own math. 0.99

01:30:37.000 You're not going to say, I have a fucking huge advantage. 0.99

01:30:39.000 I've been a dude my whole life. 0.98

01:30:40.000 Yeah, you're not going to say that.

01:30:41.000 They love to do that.

01:30:42.000 Oh my god, I've lost 15 miles an hour.

01:30:44.000 I'm basically a woman now.

01:30:46.000 Don't worry about it.

01:30:47.000 I won the tournament just because I'm awesome.

01:30:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:30:50.000 Courage.

01:30:51.000 What I lack in head club speed, I gained in bravery.

01:30:55.000 Yeah, and not having wide hips. 0.96

01:30:57.000 There's a lot of things with hips like the shape of hips you don't generate the same amount of power like women kickers There's such a vast difference between a woman kicker and a man kicker. 1.00

01:31:08.000 It's kind of stunning And I wonder if a lot of that has to do with the shape of the hips.

01:31:14.000 Because if you get a woman who is like 135 pounds and ever hit a bag, and then you have a man who's 135 pounds and hit the bag, the difference is so stark. 0.53

01:31:27.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:28.000 You're like, this is crazy because your legs are carrying around all day long.

01:31:31.000 Right. 1.00

01:31:31.000 But there's a lot of other shit going on. 1.00

01:31:33.000 There's tendon strength. 0.99

01:31:34.000 There's bone density.

01:31:35.000 There's the shape of the hips, I'm sure, too.

01:31:38.000 But it's also like there's also something that happens to the human body when it evolves or it develops, rather, with testosterone.

01:31:46.000 Like, you're going to be stronger forever.

01:31:50.000 You're never gonna go back to what it would be like if you had been born a woman. 0.99

01:31:55.000 It's like taking steroids for 20 years, hardcore, that literally turn you into a guy.

01:32:00.000 And be like, I have no advantage.

01:32:02.000 I'm done.

01:32:02.000 I'm not taking steroids anymore.

01:32:03.000 We're the same.

01:32:04.000 That's crazy.

01:32:05.000 You were cheating your whole life. 1.00

01:32:06.000 If you got caught doing that in the UFC, You're fucking banned. 1.00

01:32:11.000 You're banned for two years. 0.99

01:32:12.000 And if you get caught again, I think you're banned for six years.

01:32:14.000 It's something wild like that. 0.97

01:32:16.000 So if you're just like taking testosterone your whole life, your whole life, and all these other women are, you know, just fucking being normal and cheerleading and going to parties, you're competing against them. 0.99

01:32:28.000 That's insane. 0.98

01:32:29.000 I know a girl who's a professional foosball player, Kelsey Cook, the comedian, Chad Daniels' girlfriend.

01:32:34.000 I don't know why I said that, but anyways, I love them.

01:32:37.000 And she's talking about foosball.

01:32:40.000 I find it interesting because I don't know anything about foosball.

01:32:42.000 And I go, oh, this is probably one of those sports where the men can play with the women because it's foosball. 0.90

01:32:47.000 And she goes, I hate that I'm admitting this to you because she knows I'm a guy, a man's guy.

01:32:53.000 And she goes, men have an advantage in foosball.

01:32:56.000 And I go, even foosball?

01:32:57.000 And she goes, yes, because it's like that torque of a man's arm versus a woman's arm.

01:33:03.000 Even the arm.

01:33:05.000 She goes, the men can hit it harder, the spin rate. 0.68

01:33:09.000 So even something as what we might think is a frivolous kind of thing like foosball, even that, there is just so much of a difference.

01:33:17.000 How about chess?

01:33:18.000 Men have an advantage in chess.

01:33:20.000 Really?

01:33:21.000 I did not know that.

01:33:22.000 Yeah.

01:33:23.000 How?

01:33:24.000 I don't know.

01:33:24.000 Yeah, that's interesting.

01:33:26.000 I don't know, but for whatever reason, maybe it's more men do it.

01:33:29.000 I don't know what it is.

01:33:29.000 Maybe it's the mind, the way the mind works.

01:33:31.000 It's different.

01:33:32.000 The competitive mind.

01:33:33.000 Yeah.

01:33:36.000 Men have a large and consistent advantage over women in spatial ability of which chess relies to a large extent. 0.91

01:33:44.000 And this is a difference in average, not just at the high end.

01:33:47.000 The male advantage is present pre-puberty, is present across cultures and time.

01:33:54.000 Another one is pool.

01:33:56.000 The best professional female pool players never win male tour events. 0.95

01:34:00.000 Interesting.

01:34:01.000 They're allowed to enter them.

01:34:02.000 Men can't enter women's events, but there's certain major events that women enter all the time, but they never win them.

01:34:09.000 Well, a smart man would say, why do you care?

01:34:13.000 Why do you care who's better?

01:34:14.000 Because it's a statistic and it's a sport I care about.

01:34:16.000 It's important.

01:34:16.000 I think it's interesting.

01:34:17.000 Look, there's a lot of women that are really good and they can beat a lot of men. 1.00

01:34:21.000 They beat a lot of men.

01:34:22.000 But when they get to the very top, like when you're playing through a pool bracket...

01:34:27.000 You know, say if there's a hundred or so professionals that are in this tournament, they're playing in this double elimination bracket.

01:34:33.000 So you lose once, go to the one-loss side, you lose there, you're out of the tournament.

01:34:36.000 So you're running against killer after killer because there's a hundred professionals there.

01:34:41.000 And there's a high likelihood that someone gets a bunch of good rolls, you scratch on the break, a bunch of things happen, a person runs out a lot, and you lose, you know, seven-nothing to some person, and that person happens to be a chick.

01:34:55.000 That's totally possible.

01:34:56.000 You could lose to a woman. 1.00

01:34:57.000 But over the course of the tournament, that luck will wear out, and the elite male players will beat the elite female player.

01:35:06.000 It's weird.

01:35:06.000 I didn't know you were so into pool.

01:35:07.000 Where do you play pool?

01:35:08.000 I play here.

01:35:08.000 Like you personally.

01:35:09.000 Oh, you play.

01:35:10.000 I have tables here, but also, you know, I'll go places where I can play.

01:35:13.000 I play at Amsterdam Billiards when I'm in New York City.

01:35:15.000 Hmm.

01:35:15.000 Yeah, I'll go to pool halls.

01:35:17.000 Yeah, that's such a bar game.

01:35:20.000 It is a bar game, but the type I play is like tournament professional style pool.

01:35:27.000 It's a different kind of pool.

01:35:29.000 It's not like eight ball.

01:35:30.000 I play mostly nine ball and ten ball, and it's a rotation game.

01:35:34.000 I have not, but it looks very difficult. 0.98

01:35:37.000 It's fucking huge. 0.99

01:35:38.000 That table's gigantic, and the balls are little, and the holes are little. 1.00

01:35:40.000 And it's confusing.

01:35:42.000 Yeah, I don't understand it.

01:35:43.000 We were in Thailand.

01:35:43.000 We were like, let's play pool.

01:35:44.000 We walked over there.

01:35:45.000 We're like, this is a different table here.

01:35:47.000 Yeah, I don't even know what to do.

01:35:48.000 I don't even know how it works.

01:35:49.000 I like watching it, though.

01:35:50.000 It's cool when they're really good at it, because I know how hard it must be to be doing that.

01:35:54.000 They used to make a shit ton of money.

01:35:57.000 But there was one guy over there that was a big top guy that got busted fixing a game.

01:36:02.000 How?

01:36:03.000 They caught him on camera.

01:36:04.000 They got a hidden camera.

01:36:06.000 See if you can find that story.

01:36:08.000 Because he was like a top dog.

01:36:10.000 Just put the ball in with his hand?

01:36:11.000 Well, you just miss.

01:36:12.000 Oh, I see.

01:36:13.000 Yeah, it's not hard to do at all.

01:36:14.000 Wait, what do you mean?

01:36:14.000 So that doesn't- You could fix a pool match.

01:36:16.000 So say if I'm a gangster and you're a killer pool player and you're gonna play some guy.

01:36:22.000 And I was like, Jeff Dye, I got a proposition for you.

01:36:25.000 I'm going to give you $100,000 to blow this game.

01:36:29.000 So you're the favorite in the game.

01:36:30.000 So maybe there's a lot of people gambling.

01:36:33.000 I'd be good at losing.

01:36:34.000 Yeah, you lose on purpose.

01:36:35.000 That's how it works.

01:36:36.000 You can lose on purpose.

01:36:37.000 So is this the story?

01:36:39.000 I thought that was when he was fixing it to win.

01:36:42.000 Dennis Taylor is caught cheating.

01:36:43.000 No, it's not him.

01:36:45.000 What did he do?

01:36:49.000 I wonder how he got caught cheating.

01:36:54.000 He just literally added a ball.

01:37:00.000 That's hilarious.

01:37:03.000 Are you allowed to climb on the table?

01:37:05.000 Look at this guy.

01:37:06.000 And he touched the...

01:37:07.000 Look at his goofy glasses.

01:37:08.000 Are you allowed to climb on the table?

01:37:10.000 This might have been a celebrity match, I feel like.

01:37:12.000 Oh, it looks like they're all laughing.

01:37:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:37:15.000 No, it's not that.

01:37:15.000 It was like a bribery scheme.

01:37:18.000 He was caught fixing snooker games, and it became a criminal investigation.

01:37:23.000 Because there's so many people that gamble on snooker.

01:37:26.000 Sure.

01:37:26.000 Ten people charged, that kind of thing?

01:37:28.000 Yeah, that's probably it.

01:37:29.000 Match fixing scandal?

01:37:30.000 Yeah.

01:37:31.000 How long ago was this?

01:37:32.000 Last year.

01:37:33.000 Oh, no, this is a new one.

01:37:35.000 Ten Chinese players.

01:37:37.000 Oh, wow. 0.99

01:37:38.000 Listen, pool players are dirty. 1.00

01:37:40.000 They're dirty people. 1.00

01:37:41.000 Not all of them, but a lot of them. 1.00

01:37:43.000 It's a game where dudes will dump you. 1.00

01:37:46.000 You have to have a really good relationship with your backers, and you've got to spread money around if you win.

01:37:52.000 You've got to make sure that people don't dump on you.

01:37:54.000 Because if there's a lot of gambling involved, like say if you and I were in a match, and we're two top players, And you've got a bunch of people that are coming from fucking Cincinnati and Kansas City and Chicago.

01:38:06.000 They're coming to watch this match and there might be a half a million dollars on the side.

01:38:11.000 Sure.

01:38:12.000 It might be more.

01:38:12.000 It happens all the time with top plays.

01:38:14.000 John Higgins, that's the guy.

01:38:16.000 Banned for six months but cleared of match-fixing.

01:38:19.000 Not guilty.

01:38:21.000 Tough to prove, maybe?

01:38:23.000 Isn't it weird that gambling is so prevalent in sports now?

01:38:26.000 What did he say though?

01:38:27.000 He said something, like they were talking to him about fixing the game.

01:38:30.000 There was a recording, right?

01:38:33.000 I'll look into this, yeah.

01:38:34.000 He was also like a very beloved player.

01:38:38.000 Interesting.

01:38:39.000 But the point is that like, you know, that can- Undercover reporter discussed the possibility of throwing frames?

01:38:46.000 Yeah.

01:38:47.000 Okay.

01:38:47.000 Mooney discussed the possibility of throwing frames, which is like fixing a game, like missing, with the undercover reporter.

01:38:54.000 The news of the world's Mazur Mahmood Hmm. 0.99

01:39:18.000 Hmm.

01:39:20.000 Hmm.

01:39:39.000 It is fascinating.

01:39:41.000 There were some lies.

01:39:42.000 How...

01:39:44.000 Latent gambling is now. 0.99

01:39:46.000 Where it's like, I'm not that I'm not like an old man or anything, but I, you know, they used to act like nobody was gambling on football or basketball.

01:39:53.000 And now they'll just have the spreads right up on the screen.

01:39:57.000 They're just like, here's the betting lines.

01:39:59.000 DraftKings.

01:39:59.000 I mean, it's pretty, like, it's like weed, I guess.

01:40:03.000 Like the way the government's like, we're just gonna get in on this.

01:40:05.000 Yeah.

01:40:05.000 Well, that's the right way to do it, especially in America.

01:40:09.000 Look, gambling's dangerous.

01:40:11.000 It's dangerous. 0.99

01:40:12.000 I've seen people go fucking crazy gambling. 0.99

01:40:15.000 I know people who are gambling addicts. 1.00

01:40:16.000 It scares the shit out of me.

01:40:18.000 But I think it should be legal, just like I think weed should be legal, and I think alcohol should be legal. 0.99

01:40:22.000 I think you should be able to be responsible with your own decisions and make your own choices and get your fucking shit together. 0.99

01:40:28.000 The problem is not gambling. 1.00

01:40:30.000 The problem is gambling addicts. 0.99

01:40:32.000 Because I can go and gamble, and I'm smart about knowing that this is very addictive, and I do it, and I'll get the fuck out of here. 0.72

01:40:39.000 And it was kind of fun, and then I live my life. 0.96

01:40:41.000 You're not going to lose your house.

01:40:43.000 But I know people that gamble constantly.

01:40:45.000 I know some guys, yeah.

01:40:47.000 Constantly. 0.97

01:40:48.000 Dana White's a maniac. 0.99

01:40:50.000 Really? 0.98

01:40:50.000 But Dana's not going to lose his house either, so it's like he can... 0.98

01:40:53.000 Hey man, he even gambles.

01:40:56.000 I like guys like that.

01:40:57.000 We went to visit him at the Red Rocks Casino, and at one point in time he was down $600,000 playing blackjack.

01:41:05.000 That's insane.

01:41:05.000 And he wasn't even nervous.

01:41:06.000 Really?

01:41:07.000 He wasn't even sweating it.

01:41:07.000 Wait, he was gambling on blackjack?

01:41:09.000 That's a weird thing.

01:41:10.000 That shows you might have a problem.

01:41:11.000 My buddy Josh, I go, I think you have a gambling problem.

01:41:13.000 He goes, no, I don't, dude.

01:41:14.000 I go, you just bet four grand on women's, you know, Utah State college best, just because it's on. 1.00

01:41:21.000 And he's like, yeah, I think you got a point.

01:41:23.000 Maybe I do have a problem.

01:41:24.000 I was like, if you're betting on this, you don't even know if these girls are good. 0.99

01:41:27.000 But that makes watching a game so much better, too.

01:41:31.000 Yeah, yeah, for sure.

01:41:31.000 If you could just be reasonable about it, you know, if you bet on a game, just bet, you know, whatever you can afford.

01:41:37.000 If it's a hundred bucks, bet a hundred bucks.

01:41:39.000 It's gonna make it more exciting.

01:41:41.000 For sure, yeah. 1.00

01:41:41.000 Come on, you fuckers! 1.00

01:41:43.000 Come on, you fuckers! 1.00

01:41:45.000 I'll pay a little to care. 1.00

01:41:46.000 Yes!

01:41:47.000 You care so much more.

01:41:49.000 If you have a steak in it...

01:41:51.000 You're down to a nose, son.

01:41:52.000 You want another one?

01:41:53.000 Yeah, I'll have another one. 0.85

01:41:54.000 I crush it.

01:41:55.000 That's a little too down to the wire.

01:41:57.000 A little too close to my nose.

01:41:58.000 Thanks, brother. 0.98

01:41:59.000 The trimmers are on the back of that sucker. 0.79

01:42:01.000 You ever, uh, I tried to buy a Terry Bradshaw, like, I was like, you know, he's a guy like you.

01:42:06.000 I brought you cigars because I don't, I figure, you know, just a man-to-man, I want to get you something nice.

01:42:10.000 Thank you.

01:42:11.000 Appreciate that.

01:42:11.000 It's not like I thought you'd see the cigars and go, oh, what is that?

01:42:15.000 You know, just bring you something.

01:42:16.000 You know, it's nice.

01:42:17.000 It's what gentlemen do.

01:42:18.000 Yes, thank you.

01:42:18.000 So for, uh, I go to Terry Bradshaw's house, one of these things, and I was like, I wanted to get him something for Father's Day, so I got him, like, these nice cutters, you know.

01:42:28.000 A few hundred bucks for these cutters.

01:42:30.000 It's like, what's the nicest cutters for cigars?

01:42:32.000 And he's like, thanks, man.

01:42:34.000 He reads the card.

01:42:35.000 Thanks, bub.

01:42:36.000 Love you.

01:42:36.000 And then I go to...

01:42:37.000 Later on, I'm at the ranch.

01:42:39.000 He's got this huge humidor.

01:42:40.000 40 of those cutters just laying around.

01:42:43.000 He's got the nicest of everything.

01:42:45.000 I've never seen nothing like this.

01:42:47.000 This is wild.

01:42:48.000 Yeah, that's a Calibri.

01:42:49.000 It has a little cutter on the back.

01:42:50.000 It's nice.

01:42:51.000 Multi-purpose.

01:42:52.000 You can't fly with this, though.

01:42:53.000 No, you can't, right?

01:42:55.000 They probably wouldn't let you.

01:42:56.000 I've lost a lot of torches at airports.

01:42:58.000 Oh, you can't fly with a regular torch?

01:42:59.000 Yeah.

01:42:59.000 That's hilarious.

01:43:00.000 Yeah, just that.

01:43:01.000 You can't...

01:43:02.000 What's the difference between that and a regular lighter?

01:43:04.000 No idea.

01:43:05.000 You got the wrong side.

01:43:06.000 Can you fly with...

01:43:07.000 No, I got it.

01:43:08.000 Oh, you were about to light the side you cut.

01:43:10.000 Oh, you're right.

01:43:11.000 I was, right?

01:43:11.000 I just cut it too deep.

01:43:14.000 Yeah, why can you fly with a regular lighter and you can't fly with a torch?

01:43:18.000 Can you fly with a regular lighter?

01:43:19.000 Can you?

01:43:20.000 Yeah.

01:43:21.000 I think so.

01:43:22.000 Yeah, Jamie says yes.

01:43:23.000 I don't think Jamie knows.

01:43:24.000 I don't work at the TSA, but I've never heard of anyone getting stopped for it.

01:43:28.000 You know what used to drive me crazy?

01:43:29.000 You know what used to drive me crazy?

01:43:31.000 You can't bring a pool cue.

01:43:33.000 Is it out?

01:43:34.000 Here.

01:43:34.000 It might be out of gas.

01:43:36.000 Thanks.

01:43:37.000 You can't bring a pool cue on a flight, but you can bring a skateboard.

01:43:41.000 I didn't know you couldn't bring a pool cue.

01:43:42.000 No, no, it's a weapon.

01:43:44.000 Did not know that.

01:43:44.000 I was like, did you know how easy you kill someone on a skateboard?

01:43:47.000 Mm-hmm.

01:43:48.000 Skateboard's heavier. 1.00

01:43:49.000 You could fuck somebody up with a skateboard. 0.99

01:43:52.000 You can bring two lighters. 1.00

01:43:53.000 Aha! 0.94

01:43:54.000 Zippo lighters without fuel.

01:43:56.000 Don't check them.

01:43:58.000 Disposable and Zippo lighters without fuel are allowed in checked bags.

01:44:02.000 Oh, checked bags.

01:44:04.000 Yeah.

01:44:04.000 Lighters with fuel are prohibited in checked bags unless they adhere to the Department of Transportation's exemption, which allows up to two fueled lighters if properly enclosed in a DOT-approved case.

01:44:15.000 You have to put your fucking lighters in a bomb case. 0.99

01:44:18.000 Just doing that. 1.00

01:44:19.000 How often are lighters going off randomly?

01:44:21.000 It's like a dollar.

01:44:22.000 When did...

01:44:23.000 When was the last time a Bic lighter just randomly lit on fire? 0.98

01:44:26.000 Fucking never. 0.97

01:44:27.000 More Teslas blow up on fire than lighters. 0.99

01:44:31.000 Yeah, I've never heard a single instance.

01:44:34.000 Well, but I don't think you can carry it on.

01:44:37.000 Maybe that's all I know.

01:44:38.000 I don't check bags.

01:44:39.000 I remember it used to be the case.

01:44:42.000 I just thought they'd relax that. 1.00

01:44:43.000 The fucking shoe thing is so stupid. 1.00

01:44:46.000 I can't believe they're still doing that. 1.00

01:44:47.000 One dickhead tries to blow his shoes up. 0.99

01:44:50.000 One guy. 0.97

01:44:51.000 I was laughing about, this is an old current event, but when it was a new thing that we had to take our shoes off for TSA, like after 9-11, George Bush was like, even I will be going through TSA checkpoints for Air Force One.

01:45:04.000 I was like, no!

01:45:05.000 Not you. 1.00

01:45:06.000 Fucking liar. 1.00

01:45:07.000 We should be able to trust you. 1.00

01:45:08.000 That's a lie.

01:45:09.000 Yeah, he was going, even me.

01:45:10.000 No, you won't.

01:45:11.000 That's so crazy.

01:45:12.000 If I can't trust the president on Air Force One.

01:45:15.000 Imagine that you have to have the president checked because he might be a terrorist secretly. 0.99

01:45:20.000 That was just the visual of it was ridiculous. 1.00

01:45:23.000 Checking his dick. 1.00

01:45:24.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:45:24.000 Do you see the ones that they scan your whole body where you see your hog and everything? 1.00

01:45:29.000 No. 1.00

01:45:29.000 There's some that the TSA people can literally see the size of your dick. 1.00

01:45:33.000 I don't think they use them anymore. 0.99

01:45:34.000 How do I get the job of just being there, you know?

01:45:36.000 Just want to see the people.

01:45:38.000 See if you can find that.

01:45:40.000 Because they show the images of what it looks like for a human. 1.00

01:45:43.000 So you don't see their face, but you see their dick. 1.00

01:45:45.000 Oh, wow. 1.00

01:45:45.000 How crazy is that? 1.00

01:45:46.000 I got to see a Bill Burr bit in real life.

01:45:49.000 Look at that.

01:45:50.000 Oh, yeah, that is weird. 1.00

01:45:52.000 See the man's dick? 1.00

01:45:52.000 Yeah, that's me, actually. 1.00

01:45:53.000 Crazy.

01:45:53.000 Yeah, that's weird.

01:45:54.000 Crazy.

01:45:55.000 So, I was at LAX. This is years ago, and it's when the big scan, the thing went around your body.

01:46:02.000 And I see Bill, and he's at CSA, and I've known him for, I've known of him, and he's known of me since, like, 2008, because he played Giggles Comic Club in Seattle when I was, like, a young comic.

01:46:13.000 I go, hey, Bill.

01:46:14.000 He's like, hey, Jeff.

01:46:15.000 And he's, like, clearly irritable.

01:46:17.000 And he's like, he's just waiting at the side, and I'm going through the thing, and a guy comes over to him, he goes, hey, if I could just get you to stand over here next to the machine, because he's refusing the big scan around thing.

01:46:26.000 Yeah.

01:46:27.000 And he's like, he's like, yeah, no, I know you don't want to do the machine, but just stand. 0.99

01:46:30.000 He goes, what kind of defeats the purpose to go stand by the fucking machine? 0.95

01:46:33.000 You know, like, he's like, that's the machine I don't want to be in, now you want me to stand by it? 0.98

01:46:37.000 But I got to watch the whole thing happen, I'm kind of like, this is like a Bill Burr bit in real life.

01:46:42.000 Getting to watch it happen.

01:46:43.000 I'm sure he's gonna talk about this like on stage.

01:46:45.000 It was kind of fun to like just kind of see a bit formulate.

01:46:49.000 Yeah, Ari used to do that too. 1.00

01:46:51.000 He made them all check him down.

01:46:53.000 He'd refuse it?

01:46:54.000 Yeah, he would not go through the machine.

01:46:57.000 I mean, I don't think it's great for you.

01:46:58.000 It's not.

01:46:59.000 It can't be.

01:47:00.000 And we fly all the time.

01:47:01.000 It can't be good for you, right?

01:47:03.000 If you're doing it three or four times a week...

01:47:05.000 I think the radio one is different.

01:47:07.000 The one they do now is not an x-ray.

01:47:10.000 I don't know what it used to be.

01:47:12.000 What did it used to be?

01:47:14.000 Like, what was the original ones?

01:47:15.000 Metal.

01:47:16.000 The thing about those kind of things is they really don't know how bad they are for you until it's too late.

01:47:22.000 Sure.

01:47:22.000 Yeah, we won't know.

01:47:23.000 Until ten years down the line, you realize, like, oh, that stuff kills you.

01:47:26.000 Well, cigarettes was like, you know, doctors would be like, oh, it calms your nerves.

01:47:30.000 What's a millimeter wave?

01:47:30.000 I've never really heard that.

01:47:32.000 Millimeter wave body scanner was developed at the Pacific Northwest National Laboratory.

01:47:38.000 So what's the dangers?

01:47:41.000 Privacy concerns.

01:47:42.000 That's because it can see your painter.

01:47:45.000 Here we go.

01:48:05.000 In the electromagnetic spectrum.

01:48:07.000 As such, millimeter wave radiation is non-ionizing and incapable of causing cancers by radiolytic DNA-bound cleavage.

01:48:18.000 Due to the shallow penetration depth of millimeter waves into tissue, typically less than one millimeter, acute biological effects of irradiation are localized in the epidermal and dermal layers and manifest primarily as thermal effects.

01:48:32.000 There's no clear evidence to date Of harmful effects of the vaccine.

01:48:37.000 I'm sorry.

01:48:37.000 I mean other than those caused by localized heating and ensuing chemical changes.

01:48:46.000 Yeah.

01:48:47.000 Maybe.

01:48:47.000 Ain't that a funny one?

01:48:48.000 Maybe.

01:48:50.000 Yeah.

01:48:51.000 Maybe.

01:48:52.000 Hopefully.

01:48:53.000 Hopefully it doesn't hurt you.

01:48:54.000 Yeah.

01:48:55.000 Sounds like they think it doesn't.

01:48:56.000 But what did they used to use?

01:48:58.000 A lot of words.

01:48:58.000 What was the original one?

01:48:59.000 What were the original TSA radiation machines?

01:49:02.000 I mean, I think it was just a metal detector, right?

01:49:04.000 I mean, they were just like...

01:49:05.000 Bro, have you ever seen the hands of the x-ray technicians from back in the day?

01:49:10.000 No.

01:49:11.000 Just from operating it?

01:49:12.000 No.

01:49:13.000 Yeah, the women who used to run it. 1.00

01:49:15.000 So back then, when you were an x-ray technician, you would have to test the x-ray to make sure it's calibrated, make sure it's working right.

01:49:24.000 So the way they would do it, they would x-ray their own hand.

01:49:26.000 Oh my gosh.

01:49:27.000 Yeah, with no...

01:49:28.000 And then over time...

01:49:29.000 They did it a lot.

01:49:31.000 Yeah.

01:49:31.000 They did it a lot.

01:49:32.000 They got little...

01:49:33.000 So their fingernails are falling off.

01:49:35.000 Like, look at that.

01:49:35.000 Oh my gosh.

01:49:36.000 Yeah.

01:49:37.000 Hand of an x-ray technician at the Royal London Hospital showing damage of radiation exposure.

01:49:42.000 So this is from 1900. Why does it say...

01:49:45.000 Oh, I see.

01:49:45.000 Bro, they didn't know any better.

01:49:47.000 Right.

01:49:48.000 That'll be us someday with something.

01:49:50.000 Cell phones or...

01:49:51.000 Have you ever seen those ladies that used to put loom on watches? 1.00

01:49:59.000 Uh, no.

01:50:02.000 Cyanide is used for that, right?

01:50:03.000 No, no, no, no.

01:50:04.000 It's radioactive.

01:50:06.000 I think it's radium, right?

01:50:09.000 No, they're called the radium girls.

01:50:10.000 Yeah.

01:50:11.000 They sound hot.

01:50:12.000 They use it in tubes.

01:50:14.000 So what happened was these women, they would lick their paintbrush. 1.00

01:50:19.000 You know, because you lick your paintbrush sometimes.

01:50:21.000 And they would lick their paintbrush to try to form a better tip so they could do it better.

01:50:26.000 And every time they did it, they got radium in their mouth.

01:50:30.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:50:30.000 And they would get horrible cancers, and they're fucking, you know, a lot of them died. 0.99

01:50:35.000 Like, see that image of that lady where her jaw was rotted off? 0.99

01:50:38.000 Oh yeah!

01:50:38.000 Yeah, that's from radium.

01:50:40.000 Girls who licked radioactive paint. 0.98

01:50:42.000 You just remind me of the funniest thing I've ever seen on morning television.

01:50:46.000 What?

01:50:46.000 So, you know, when you have to play a comedy club, sometimes they...

01:50:50.000 This reminds me of it.

01:50:52.000 Okay.

01:50:53.000 Like, you know, in the mornings, they make you do these morning televisions sometimes to go promote.

01:50:57.000 No, it never brings anyone to the club.

01:50:59.000 Right.

01:50:59.000 And morning TV is so corny.

01:51:01.000 Everything they say is like...

01:51:03.000 They're like, we got funny guy Jeff Dye here, and then you say something really vanilla, and they're like, whoa!

01:51:08.000 They're always so easy to offend the morning show people. 0.99

01:51:13.000 It sucks. 0.95

01:51:14.000 It's a terrible thing we have to do. 0.98

01:51:17.000 I'm waiting.

01:51:17.000 I'm hungover.

01:51:18.000 I've got sunglasses. 1.00

01:51:19.000 I'm just like, I can't believe I have to do this stupid show. 1.00

01:51:21.000 And they cut to a thing. 1.00

01:51:22.000 So I'm watching on the TV what the morning thing is.

01:51:24.000 It's in San Francisco, and they cut to these art vendors that are out on the side of the thing.

01:51:29.000 And she's like, I'm here with a local San Francisco artist, blah, blah, blah.

01:51:32.000 He's a glassblower, and he's got all of his glassblowing things behind him.

01:51:36.000 It's the funniest thing I've ever seen on morning television.

01:51:38.000 Lady goes, she goes, isn't it true that glassblowing is really hard on your lungs, and it's hard on your vision, and it's very dangerous.

01:51:44.000 It takes years off of your life.

01:51:46.000 And this guy, without missing a beat, he goes, yeah, but to die...

01:51:49.000 A little sooner to put my art into the world is worth it.

01:51:53.000 I was like, wow, that's beautiful, right?

01:51:55.000 That's like really beautiful.

01:51:56.000 And then she goes, what do you make?

01:51:58.000 He's like, mostly bongs and dildos. 1.00

01:52:01.000 And she's like, back to you in the studio!

01:52:03.000 It was the funniest.

01:52:05.000 Like, he went from being profound to just dropping.

01:52:08.000 His art form is bongs and dildos. 0.99

01:52:11.000 But just the idea of saying that, to die sooner, that's hilarious.

01:52:16.000 Yeah, it was a beautiful one-two punch of, like, yeah, just have my heart in the world.

01:52:20.000 Bongs and dildos. 0.98

01:52:21.000 Yeah, that's like a dude from a movie.

01:52:26.000 Like, so you probably heard something like that in a movie.

01:52:28.000 It's like, it's too profound.

01:52:30.000 I was thinking these poor girls, they're going, yeah, but you know, I painted a lot of clocks.

01:52:33.000 Yeah, no one told them either.

01:52:35.000 I think that radium, that loom on clocks and watches, it was like, nobody had ever done that before.

01:52:41.000 Was it like glow-in-the-dark or something?

01:52:43.000 Yeah, glow-in-the-dark.

01:52:44.000 They do it now in glass tubes, so like, if you get a tactical watch that's like, um, A good example is Marathon.

01:52:52.000 Marathon makes these military-grade tactical watches that are super durable, and they have radium tubes in it.

01:52:59.000 So no matter what time of night it is, pitch blackness, you look down at that watch, and it doesn't have to be glowing in the dark.

01:53:06.000 It just glows.

01:53:07.000 It's lit up.

01:53:08.000 So like loom on a regular watch, like when it has loom painted into it, what happens is when you're in the sunlight and in the flashlights and studio lighting and whatever, fluorescent lighting, it charges that paint.

01:53:24.000 And so then when you go in the dark, then it glows.

01:53:26.000 And it glows for like a little while, like a few hours maybe.

01:53:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:29.000 This shit never goes out. 1.00

01:53:30.000 But it's these little glass tubes. 1.00

01:53:33.000 So you can find like a marathon watch.

01:53:36.000 I think it's radium.

01:53:37.000 Radium. 1.00

01:53:37.000 I think it's that same radioactive shit. 1.00

01:53:39.000 It's just in a gas form that's encased in a tube. 0.99

01:53:42.000 And I think it has a half-life of 20 years.

01:53:45.000 So I think it glows for 20 years on your wrist.

01:53:49.000 It's pretty sweet.

01:53:49.000 No wonder it's jacking up their chins and noses and stuff.

01:53:53.000 Oh dude, it has to wreak havoc if you're licking that thing every day. 0.99

01:53:57.000 Like, that is just some fucking nuclear space dust. 0.99

01:54:00.000 One of the articles I was just reading about it said that they liked it so much, they were also painting it on their face, fingernails. 0.99

01:54:05.000 Oh, gosh. 0.99

01:54:06.000 God damn it. 0.99

01:54:07.000 Yeah, they're like, I get free radium at work. 1.00

01:54:09.000 Oh, I don't need dye makeup anymore, and their fucking eyes run out of their head. 1.00

01:54:12.000 Isn't it funny? 0.99

01:54:13.000 I have so much radium, I made it eyeliner.

01:54:16.000 Show me a Marathon Watch.

01:54:17.000 I was just trying to find it.

01:54:19.000 I couldn't find that.

01:54:20.000 Marathon Divers Watch Loom.

01:54:23.000 Marathon Watch.

01:54:24.000 Just write Divers Watch Loom.

01:54:27.000 You have a big watch, I noticed, last night.

01:54:29.000 This is just a digital watch.

01:54:33.000 So that's what it looks like.

01:54:34.000 And then we see it at nighttime, that's what it looks like.

01:54:37.000 So it's always lit. 0.98

01:54:38.000 It's pretty fucking dope, actually. 0.98

01:54:40.000 I don't think I've owned one, but I've seen that for sure. 0.99

01:54:44.000 It's just, I love those things.

01:54:46.000 I love watches.

01:54:47.000 And there's another company called Ball.

01:54:49.000 B-A-L-L. They make way cooler looking watches.

01:54:53.000 The Marathon watch is like, tactical, military-style watch, but ball watches, they make these killer dress watches.

01:55:00.000 But that's all got the loom, too.

01:55:03.000 So that looks like that.

01:55:04.000 That looks great.

01:55:05.000 Oh, yeah.

01:55:06.000 And it's a dope watch.

01:55:07.000 Yeah.

01:55:07.000 Like, look how cool that looks.

01:55:09.000 Ooh.

01:55:09.000 And it's also radioactive.

01:55:11.000 But apparently it's completely, it's encased.

01:55:15.000 You have no fear of it hurting you.

01:55:17.000 And if it breaks, it just dissipates in the atmosphere.

01:55:20.000 If it breaks, you lick it a bunch.

01:55:21.000 Just sniff it.

01:55:22.000 Just sniff it and get superpowers.

01:55:23.000 Hey, my tongue's glowing.

01:55:24.000 Yeah, I can see through walls.

01:55:25.000 I know things now.

01:55:27.000 Free radio.

01:55:28.000 You were telling me you were a Bigfoot guy?

01:55:29.000 Big Bigfoot guy.

01:55:30.000 Tell me about this.

01:55:31.000 Here's the problem.

01:55:31.000 Well, you grew up in an area.

01:55:34.000 Yeah.

01:55:34.000 You're in the Pacific Northwest.

01:55:36.000 Yeah.

01:55:36.000 That's Bigfoot country.

01:55:37.000 That is.

01:55:38.000 I think that's the only reason I'm so into it.

01:55:39.000 Yeah.

01:55:40.000 Also, here's the thing you gotta know about talking about me.

01:55:42.000 It's not ever funny, and it's just something I like so much that it ends up me giving you the same arguments you've heard a billion times.

01:55:50.000 Yes.

01:55:50.000 Oh, it's Gigantopithecus, came over the Asian plane, it's a bipedal hominid, it's just, you know.

01:55:56.000 And then at the end, and everyone of my friends has experienced it, Harlan Williams just experienced it when I was on his podcast.

01:56:02.000 Anytime I talk about Bigfoot, it ends up with me just going...

01:56:06.000 Please, Joe, can you just say it's maybe a possibility?

01:56:09.000 Like, that's what it always ends up being.

01:56:11.000 Yeah.

01:56:12.000 You said it's...

01:56:13.000 I remember you one time going, there's nothing out there.

01:56:16.000 Didn't you say that about Bigfoot?

01:56:18.000 Hunters don't see it. 0.87

01:56:19.000 That's why I don't believe in it.

01:56:20.000 Some hunters do.

01:56:21.000 No, not many.

01:56:23.000 People that see it are usually loggers, hunters, natives, people that are out in the woods.

01:56:27.000 There's another problem.

01:56:28.000 Another problem is dusk.

01:56:30.000 You see things at dusk or at dawn.

01:56:32.000 It's very confusing.

01:56:33.000 Bears walk on two legs all the time.

01:56:36.000 I have personally watched bears walk on two legs, and if I didn't know any better, and if it was a dark environment, like it was dusk, like you barely can see, I would think it's Bigfoot.

01:56:49.000 Right.

01:56:50.000 Yeah.

01:56:50.000 But I do think Bigfoot existed.

01:56:53.000 There's some insane number of Native American words For Bigfoot.

01:56:59.000 Sasquatch is just one of them.

01:57:00.000 There's a bunch of them.

01:57:02.000 There's a bunch of Native American words for this one animal that's fake, but all the other words they have are for real animals.

01:57:09.000 They don't have a bunch of dragons.

01:57:11.000 They don't have like mythical creatures in Native American mythology, but they do have this one giant man thing.

01:57:20.000 That definitely existed.

01:57:21.000 At some point.

01:57:22.000 At 100%, Gigantopithecus was a real animal.

01:57:26.000 It was 8 to 10 feet tall, bipedal hominid.

01:57:29.000 It was a huge gorilla-looking primate that died off somewhere around 100,000 years ago, but they don't know really for sure.

01:57:38.000 100,000?

01:57:38.000 Yeah, but they don't know for sure.

01:57:39.000 The thing about it is it's like...

01:57:41.000 If you only find fossils from 100,000 years ago, you could assume that this animal at least lived then.

01:57:49.000 But you don't know when it went extinct.

01:57:51.000 You might find some new fossil like 10 years from now, they might find some new site, and wait a minute, these are 20,000 years old, or these are 30,000 years old, or these are 50,000 years old.

01:58:02.000 But either way, anatomically identical human beings have been around for 500,000 plus years, maybe even more.

01:58:09.000 So, or similar human beings.

01:58:11.000 So then we definitely interacted with them.

01:58:13.000 Yeah.

01:58:14.000 Or they were around when we were around.

01:58:16.000 I think they're still around.

01:58:17.000 I think there's hundreds, maybe thousands of them.

01:58:20.000 That's what I believe.

01:58:21.000 I think they're in caves or something.

01:58:23.000 Or maybe it's...

01:58:25.000 You know what the problem with that is?

01:58:26.000 What?

01:58:26.000 They're too big.

01:58:28.000 The amount of food that they would need to eat?

01:58:31.000 Yeah.

01:58:31.000 You'd have to be grazing all day long.

01:58:33.000 See, if you're Bigfoot...

01:58:36.000 Posted in the Journal of Zoology this month.

01:58:39.000 If it's there, could it be a bear?

01:58:41.000 They're saying it's black bear, American black bear.

01:58:43.000 Yeah, American black bear that stands up.

01:58:44.000 But even little kids would know the difference between a monkey and a bear.

01:58:48.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

01:58:49.000 First of all, let me tell you something.

01:58:51.000 If you're in the woods, and you're in a heightened state, because you're looking around, you don't know what's out there, it's all thick woods, it's weird.

01:58:58.000 Woods are weird.

01:58:59.000 Yeah.

01:58:59.000 And you see something, you could trick your brain.

01:59:01.000 I saw a squirrel, and for like two or three seconds, I thought it was a wolf.

01:59:05.000 Really?

01:59:06.000 Yeah.

01:59:07.000 That's a wolf?

01:59:07.000 That's real between ears.

01:59:08.000 I'm seeing something moving in between thick trees, and I see gray fur.

01:59:13.000 I'm like, oh my god, is that a wolf?

01:59:15.000 Yeah.

01:59:15.000 Because there's wolves out there.

01:59:16.000 Right.

01:59:16.000 I'm in Canada.

01:59:17.000 I'm like, oh. 1.00

01:59:18.000 It's a fucking squirrel. 1.00

01:59:19.000 What the fuck is wrong with me? 1.00

01:59:21.000 What the fuck is wrong with me? 1.00

01:59:22.000 Shoot it! 1.00

01:59:23.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:59:23.000 It's like people see what they want to see. 1.00

01:59:26.000 Yeah.

01:59:26.000 And the problem is you get something into someone's head, a mythological thing, whether it's a UFO or whether it's Bigfoot.

01:59:33.000 I think the world is way more slippery than we like to think.

01:59:40.000 And I think there's states of consciousness that people can achieve during high anxiety levels, definitely during the use of psychedelic drugs, sometimes during weird states in their life, like near-death experiences, loss of a loved one, extreme emotion, a lot going on,

01:59:56.000 a lot of anxiety and fear, like you would have if you were in the woods, and then you see a light across the sky.

02:00:03.000 It might have been just a meteorite.

02:00:04.000 Right.

02:00:05.000 But you're in the wrong headspace to see that meteorite. 1.00

02:00:08.000 And you just fucking... 1.00

02:00:09.000 You just freak. 1.00

02:00:11.000 You just freak.

02:00:12.000 And maybe for a brief moment, you can see something that's been there all along.

02:00:15.000 You know how defeated I am right now?

02:00:17.000 I just want you to tell me, like, dude, there's some crazy stuff out there.

02:00:22.000 I've interviewed a lot of Bigfoot people.

02:00:25.000 I had one joke I used to do about Bigfoot.

02:00:27.000 Here's what you don't find when you go looking for Bigfoot. 0.97

02:00:30.000 Black people. 0.99

02:00:31.000 You're more likely to find Bigfoot than you are black people looking for Bigfoot. 1.00

02:00:35.000 It's a bunch of unfuckable white guys out camping. 1.00

02:00:38.000 That is a thing. 1.00

02:00:39.000 It's a community of people that want to believe something that there's zero evidence for, and they're fucking locked in.

02:00:44.000 Yeah, they're hitting a tree with a stick, going like, we're gonna wait for a knockback, and it's different Bigfoot researchers hitting a different tree, talking back to them. 0.83

02:00:52.000 Yeah, it's like if you go to public land elk hunting, there's a bunch of people elk calling.

02:00:56.000 You think, oh, they're an elk.

02:00:57.000 It's a dude.

02:00:57.000 It's another guy.

02:00:59.000 Two men doing elk calls.

02:01:01.000 Exactly.

02:01:01.000 To each other.

02:01:01.000 That literally happens.

02:01:03.000 I bet.

02:01:03.000 It does, 100%.

02:01:04.000 It's one of those things where I wish it was real.

02:01:08.000 Me too.

02:01:08.000 I wish it was real.

02:01:09.000 Bobcat Goldway believes.

02:01:10.000 Yeah, he loves it.

02:01:11.000 He's all in.

02:01:12.000 Did you ever watch Willow Creek?

02:01:13.000 I did, and it pissed me off because at the end, it turns out to be...

02:01:16.000 I'm going to spoil Willow Creek, but at the end, it's just a bunch of hillbillies out there killing. 0.58

02:01:21.000 And blaming it on Bigfoot, basically.

02:01:23.000 Wait a minute, which one are you talking about?

02:01:25.000 Bobcat Goldthwait's movie?

02:01:26.000 I think that's what the end is.

02:01:28.000 It's just some crazy people that live in the woods.

02:01:30.000 It's not really a Bigfoot.

02:01:31.000 Is that true?

02:01:32.000 I think that's the end of Willow Creek.

02:01:34.000 I don't remember how it ends.

02:01:36.000 Because they kind of have this one kind of like Blair Witch-like shot.

02:01:39.000 And it's just a bunch of, you know, mountain people.

02:01:42.000 Which is the scariest thing you'll find in the woods.

02:01:44.000 People.

02:01:45.000 Well, that's that...

02:01:46.000 People that want to be off that grid.

02:01:47.000 There's that documentary Sasquatch.

02:01:49.000 Did you ever see that?

02:01:50.000 It's like a documentary series.

02:01:51.000 Yeah, and it turns out just to be the cartel.

02:01:53.000 Yeah.

02:01:53.000 Oh, not the cartel, but like weed people.

02:01:55.000 Weed people killing other... 0.60

02:01:57.000 Blaming it on a Bigfoot, framing it to look like a Bigfoot's out there.

02:02:00.000 Yeah.

02:02:01.000 Yeah, they killed somebody.

02:02:03.000 Apparently, when marijuana was...

02:02:07.000 You know, when they were growing it up there, these hippies started arming themselves.

02:02:12.000 Yeah.

02:02:12.000 You know, and then they had rival gang wars with people that would come in and try to steal their crop.

02:02:17.000 Sure.

02:02:17.000 So they start shooting at each other, killing each other.

02:02:19.000 Yeah.

02:02:19.000 That's what that's all about.

02:02:20.000 Or also like, you know, some cute girl that's like, oh, I'm gonna clip weed all summer and make five grand and hang out with other potheads who, like, you don't realize how terrible that job is. 1.00

02:02:30.000 Well, you're involved in an illegal business, and the cartels in that business.

02:02:35.000 Like, I had a friend who found a cartel grow operation on a ranch.

02:02:40.000 Yeah, they were...

02:02:41.000 Scary.

02:02:41.000 He works on a ranch in California, and he was doing his thing out in the ranch, and he found some water piping.

02:02:48.000 And he followed the water piping, and it was pretty considerable distance.

02:02:55.000 And they found this grow-op.

02:02:56.000 So this guy had diverted water, or many guys.

02:03:00.000 They didn't see the humans.

02:03:01.000 They did it. 1.00

02:03:02.000 They took their shit, and then they never caught the guys, I don't think. 1.00

02:03:05.000 But they would set up these camps in, like, they would go to, like, national forests. 1.00

02:03:11.000 Apparently it's big in northern California, where they go deep, deep, deep in the woods.

02:03:15.000 They backpack in, and then they have a massive grow-op.

02:03:19.000 On public land, and they just get it till the time it's, you know, ready to harvest, and then they get out of there.

02:03:26.000 But if someone interrupts that, if they get in the middle of that, they'll kill them.

02:03:31.000 Like, these are cartel guys.

02:03:32.000 So, my friend John Norris, he's been on the podcast before, he was a game warden.

02:03:38.000 And he found a creek that had been redirected, and he thought, like, maybe a farmer had did this.

02:03:43.000 Like, what's going on?

02:03:44.000 Maybe someone put an illegal dam on this.

02:03:46.000 They follow it, and they find this crazy grow-op with the cartel and guns.

02:03:53.000 So he winds up, instead of just being a game warden, now all of a sudden he's got a tactical team with attack dogs.

02:04:00.000 Crazy.

02:04:01.000 And they're running in fully armed with flak jackets on, having gunfights with the cartel in the woods over weed. 0.67

02:04:08.000 Yeah.

02:04:10.000 I will say that that's like the most frustrating part about the Bigfoot subject is you got guys like who really like, oh, I think an ape could, like a pod of apes could like live out here and this thing.

02:04:21.000 And so you'll start to, guys like me will be like, yeah, this makes good sense.

02:04:24.000 And then they'll get like a Native American to talk about it. 0.97

02:04:27.000 And he'll be like, it's the magic man of the woods.

02:04:29.000 And you're like, no.

02:04:30.000 And they're like, he disappears.

02:04:32.000 He flies.

02:04:33.000 He can stop the rain.

02:04:34.000 And you go, this is...

02:04:35.000 Gosh dang it.

02:04:36.000 We were making real good ground here.

02:04:37.000 Making arguments for it to be an ape.

02:04:40.000 I think the Native Americans are right. 0.98

02:04:43.000 I think that's what it is.

02:04:45.000 Some sort of paranormal woods thing?

02:04:46.000 Yeah.

02:04:47.000 I do.

02:04:48.000 I think it's like...

02:04:52.000 Listen, let's imagine that states of consciousness can interface with other things that are around us all the time that we don't necessarily see.

02:05:01.000 Now, we know that's true if you take psychedelics, and we know that psychedelics are produced in the brain.

02:05:07.000 I can imagine a moment Where you are in such a state that you could see something that you would not be able to see under normal conditions.

02:05:17.000 It's not outside the realm of possibility.

02:05:19.000 I'm not married to it, but it's not outside the realm of possibility.

02:05:22.000 Now, if that is what we're seeing with UFOs, if what we're seeing is our future, if what we're seeing with those beings is the eventual shape that human beings will take, As evolution progresses, we become these genderless, 0.91

02:05:38.000 little spindly things with giant heads, flying spaceships with our minds.

02:05:43.000 That kind of makes sense to me.

02:05:45.000 If that makes sense, Why wouldn't I be able to also see what we used to be, or what we could have been, or what other things used to live with us?

02:05:54.000 And maybe it's almost like a ghost, almost like a memory that you can access of a different timeline, a different dimension, where this thing does exist.

02:06:06.000 And that's why it's so elusive and it comes and goes, because it's not a real material thing.

02:06:12.000 It's a construct of the human psyche.

02:06:15.000 But these people that are seeing it, like they might even literally be seeing footprints.

02:06:19.000 It might literally leave footprints.

02:06:21.000 It might exist for brief moments.

02:06:24.000 Makes sense?

02:06:24.000 Passing in and out of this dimension kind of thing?

02:06:26.000 There's so many wacky stories about it.

02:06:28.000 So then you have to apply the wacky stories to human psychology and say, okay, people are in a heightened state.

02:06:32.000 They're in the woods.

02:06:33.000 They're alone.

02:06:33.000 They're nervous.

02:06:34.000 There's cats out there and fucking bears. 1.00

02:06:36.000 Ah! 1.00

02:06:37.000 So you're kind of freaking out already.

02:06:39.000 You're in this like weird mind state already where it seems like more things are possible out there because there's no one to help you.

02:06:48.000 Right.

02:06:48.000 There's no city.

02:06:49.000 There's no hospital.

02:06:51.000 Can't call the cops on a Bigfoot. 1.00

02:06:52.000 You got no fucking cell phone signal, and you're out there alone. 0.99

02:06:55.000 Like, there's so many possibilities. 1.00

02:06:57.000 It's terrifying.

02:06:58.000 And that, to me, makes sense.

02:07:02.000 Like, if there's a mindset that could be achieved, it's a mind state to be achieved, where you interact with things that aren't there all the time, like UFOs, that would be when it would happen.

02:07:11.000 Right.

02:07:12.000 Well, there's tons of interesting stories that you'll just read about a thing just walking behind the tree.

02:07:18.000 But if it was a massive 10-foot thing, you'd probably be able to see it come out on the other side of that tree.

02:07:26.000 And you see a lot of those kind of...

02:07:28.000 I read a lot of those kind of stories and I'm like, I don't know the heck that...

02:07:31.000 Yeah, it could be that, but it could also be black bears.

02:07:35.000 It could be that you're just seeing things because they're freaking out.

02:07:37.000 Yeah.

02:07:38.000 Bears freak you out, man. 1.00

02:07:39.000 You see a bear in the wild, it freaks you out.

02:07:41.000 And if you see a bear in between trees, you can just convince yourself that it's something, and then your brain plays tricks on you. 0.99

02:07:47.000 The memory is a slippery bitch. 0.99

02:07:49.000 Yeah, I know. 0.99

02:07:50.000 Especially under heightened circumstances like that, like in the woods.

02:07:53.000 Your memory's weird.

02:07:54.000 And it's more exciting to believe that it's real, so that's what you wanna...

02:07:58.000 You know, that's my biggest...

02:08:00.000 I think what I'm holding onto so much is that, like, I think it's so boring if we just know all the stuff on our planet.

02:08:05.000 I don't think we do.

02:08:06.000 But that's my point.

02:08:07.000 It's way more exciting to think, yeah, there's Bigfoots, and there's...

02:08:10.000 Yeah, pterodactyls is one of my favorites.

02:08:12.000 Wolf, Wolfman, or Dogman, or Mothman, or any of these kind of, like, exciting things.

02:08:18.000 I want to believe that.

02:08:20.000 Well, you know about that Hobbit man that they found on that island of Flores? 1.00

02:08:24.000 No.

02:08:25.000 No?

02:08:25.000 A Hobbit man.

02:08:26.000 Yeah, this is a good one for you.

02:08:29.000 This is a thing that absolutely lived alongside people. 0.99

02:08:32.000 And I think they don't know the timeline of this fucker either. 0.97

02:08:36.000 But they think it might have been as recently as like 50,000, 30,000 years ago. 0.99

02:08:40.000 And they were little tiny people.

02:08:42.000 Three foot tall, like almost like ape-like creatures.

02:08:46.000 That's what they look like.

02:08:47.000 Oh yeah, see?

02:08:47.000 Like a little baby Bigfoot.

02:08:48.000 Yeah, like little hobbits, man.

02:08:51.000 And they lived on this island.

02:08:52.000 And they were like a different branch of the human chain.

02:08:56.000 Look at that.

02:08:56.000 That lived alongside homo sapiens.

02:08:58.000 Yes, you see that.

02:08:59.000 You just think you see a juvenile Bigfoot or something.

02:09:02.000 Yeah.

02:09:02.000 Well, there's people that have cited these things in other parts of the world still to this day.

02:09:07.000 They still claim that they exist.

02:09:08.000 You seen that video recently where, um...

02:09:12.000 These guys, I'm gonna make up a place, but it's some place like, but not necessarily Thailand, and they're on these motorcycles, and this little man comes out with like a spear, and then they chase it into the high grass.

02:09:22.000 But it runs across the road, right?

02:09:24.000 Doesn't it run across the road?

02:09:24.000 Well, it has a spear because it's kind of startled by their motorcycles, and then they're going, wow, wow, and they kind of chase it down this little trail, but then this is it.

02:09:31.000 This is it, right?

02:09:31.000 Yeah, this little guy, like a tiny person, and then it runs into the grass, and they lose it.

02:09:39.000 But it's a tiny little guy.

02:09:40.000 Yeah.

02:09:41.000 And he's got some sort of spear.

02:09:43.000 Do you see a spear?

02:09:45.000 You'll see it in the very beginning before, because one guy gets off his bike in the very beginning.

02:09:50.000 When it first comes out, it has a little spear.

02:09:53.000 Maybe even before this.

02:09:56.000 So they're riding the bike.

02:09:58.000 This video replays itself a lot.

02:10:00.000 Oh, sorry.

02:10:00.000 It's like on loop.

02:10:01.000 Oh, okay.

02:10:02.000 Oh, okay.

02:10:02.000 Yeah, so this is where they chase him into the grass.

02:10:05.000 This is when they lose him.

02:10:06.000 They pop around looking for it.

02:10:08.000 So they see him again?

02:10:09.000 No, no.

02:10:10.000 This is where they...

02:10:10.000 When they first stumble upon him, he has like a...

02:10:14.000 Right here.

02:10:14.000 There you go.

02:10:14.000 He's holding something.

02:10:15.000 There was something.

02:10:16.000 I mean, whether I get...

02:10:17.000 If this is a real video, it definitely looks like there's something in the sand right here.

02:10:21.000 Yeah, he's like dragging something.

02:10:22.000 Jamie, does that look real to you?

02:10:25.000 You're good at this.

02:10:27.000 Let me see it.

02:10:28.000 Let it play again.

02:10:30.000 First cynicism goes, no, that's not real.

02:10:40.000 And that guy dumps because he's like, what the hell?

02:10:43.000 First instinct says this is someone in that side of the world playing around with computer graphics and they just shrunk a person.

02:10:51.000 But that's just being cynical.

02:10:53.000 Right.

02:10:53.000 And that seems the most likely scenario.

02:10:57.000 I would like to hear their voices.

02:10:59.000 Are they speaking in English?

02:11:01.000 There's no sound, it doesn't seem like.

02:11:02.000 Yeah.

02:11:03.000 On this one, probably.

02:11:04.000 I feel like we have heard it before, but...

02:11:05.000 It just sounds like a lot of motorcycles.

02:11:07.000 It's like, because they're all on motorcycles.

02:11:10.000 It's like a 12-year-old GoPro video, so it's not the best.

02:11:12.000 See, the thing about that is fascinating, because you're dealing with insane jungle, like insane, dense terrain.

02:11:20.000 Where the Oren Pendek is, where do they think that thing exists?

02:11:24.000 It was like Vietnam and some other area.

02:11:27.000 But if the island of Flores had these creatures on them, Like the idea that there would be just a small population of them that still existed, that seems to me to be more likely than Bigfoot.

02:11:40.000 Yeah.

02:11:41.000 Because that one gets seen a lot.

02:11:43.000 And that looks, the lighting on it is so strange to me.

02:11:46.000 Yeah, it looks weird.

02:11:47.000 It looks unnatural.

02:11:48.000 It definitely looks weird.

02:11:49.000 Well, but they could doctor up a thumbnail. 0.89

02:11:51.000 Sure, sure, sure, sure.

02:11:52.000 Yeah, yeah, definitely.

02:11:53.000 Because I watch these Sir Spooks.

02:11:55.000 It looks like Groot.

02:11:55.000 It looks like a version of Groot.

02:11:57.000 Right, but everything looks blurry there. 1.00

02:11:58.000 The motorcycle looks like shit. 1.00

02:11:59.000 Everything looks fucked up. 0.99

02:12:00.000 And on all these videos like this, when you try to get a shit to click on it, they doctor the thumbnail up so that you'll click on it. 0.99

02:12:07.000 Yeah, yeah, they jazz up. 0.92

02:12:08.000 That looks jazzed up, right?

02:12:10.000 Right.

02:12:10.000 But that's the...

02:12:11.000 So it was Indonesia.

02:12:12.000 Yeah, so that's where they claim to have cited this thing. 1.00

02:12:16.000 But, most likely it's bullshit. 0.97

02:12:19.000 You know, so many people have cell phones. 0.98

02:12:22.000 So many people have cell phones, the idea that no one's filmed one yet, but for sure we know it did exist.

02:12:28.000 And how long ago did the Homo floresiensis, how long ago did that one live?

02:12:37.000 They used to think it was much more recent.

02:12:39.000 I think they were thinking at one point in time it was only 10,000 years ago.

02:12:42.000 But I think they think it's quite a bit older than that now.

02:12:47.000 50,000.

02:12:48.000 So here it goes.

02:12:51.000 Okay, so initially thought to be only 12,000 years ago.

02:12:55.000 However, more extensive stratigraphic and chronological work has been pushed dating of the most recent evidence of its existence back to 50,000 years ago.

02:13:06.000 So that's the most recent evidence, 50,000 years ago.

02:13:09.000 And homo floriensis skeletal materials now dated from 60,000 to 100,000 years ago.

02:13:16.000 Stone tools recovered alongside the skeletal remains were from archaeological horizons ranging from 50,000 to 190,000 years ago.

02:13:24.000 That's for the stone tools. 0.85

02:13:26.000 Yeah.

02:13:27.000 How about this?

02:13:28.000 They found quite a few of them.

02:13:29.000 You're out shooting these Elks, right, with your bow and arrow, right? 0.71

02:13:33.000 And let's say you see, well, you see a Bigfoot.

02:13:34.000 Yeah.

02:13:35.000 You go, hey, I had this psycho comedian on the podcast who believes in Bigfoot. 0.95

02:13:41.000 And you're going, holy crap, there it is. 0.99

02:13:44.000 You shooting that thing? 0.99

02:13:45.000 No.

02:13:45.000 No?

02:13:46.000 No, no, no, no.

02:13:47.000 No, no, no.

02:13:48.000 Why would I do that?

02:13:49.000 Because then you proved that it's...

02:13:51.000 Because now, if you try to tell the story, people are like, Joe, you saw a bear.

02:13:55.000 So what?

02:13:56.000 Your sanity.

02:13:57.000 I'll be fine.

02:13:59.000 You don't shoot it? 1.00

02:14:00.000 No fucking way. 1.00

02:14:02.000 No fucking way. 1.00

02:14:03.000 Why would you shoot? 1.00

02:14:04.000 Would you kill it? 1.00

02:14:05.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:14:05.000 I'll kill it quick, dude. 1.00

02:14:09.000 What if you only wounded it? 1.00

02:14:10.000 That's the problem. 1.00

02:14:11.000 I think the more likely it's going to go, you piece of shit, and break it off. 1.00

02:14:14.000 If it is a... 1.00

02:14:16.000 No, it'd have to be a mythical creature to take a good shot with an arrow. 1.00

02:14:19.000 I'd try to kill it. 1.00

02:14:21.000 Shoot that sucker. 1.00

02:14:22.000 And then tell everybody. 1.00

02:14:23.000 Like, you guys all said I was wrong.

02:14:25.000 Four-cut broadhead.

02:14:26.000 Yeah, look at this.

02:14:27.000 Look at his face.

02:14:28.000 I bring it right here.

02:14:29.000 That's what I do.

02:14:30.000 I text you.

02:14:31.000 I say I got something I want to show you on the podcast. 1.00

02:14:33.000 Put his big stupid head here. 1.00

02:14:35.000 Dude, did you see that guy who killed his dad and said his dad was a traitor and then like put his dad's head on the table? 1.00

02:14:42.000 No. 0.51

02:14:43.000 Oh my god.

02:14:44.000 Was this in America?

02:14:45.000 Yeah.

02:14:45.000 You know, you're kidding.

02:14:46.000 Some fucking crazy psycho militia type dude. 1.00

02:14:50.000 This guy. 1.00

02:14:50.000 And he looks so out of his mind. 1.00

02:14:52.000 What is he smiling about?

02:14:52.000 You want to see the video?

02:14:53.000 Yeah.

02:14:53.000 I think they took the video down, but I saved it.

02:14:56.000 I'm going to send it to you, Jamie.

02:14:58.000 I'll just send you the clip where the guy cuts or shows the head.

02:15:01.000 Oh my goodness.

02:15:04.000 So...

02:15:04.000 Is the video available?

02:15:07.000 I just sent it to you.

02:15:09.000 It's disturbing.

02:15:10.000 Don't show it on camera.

02:15:11.000 But I just want you to see... 0.99

02:15:12.000 And give me some volume so you can see how casual this fucking guy is about having this guy's head... 0.98

02:15:22.000 This is the head of Mike Moon, a federal employee of over 20 years, and my father. 0.99

02:15:29.000 Yikes.

02:15:32.000 No, no, no.

02:15:34.000 I want to listen to that.

02:15:34.000 That's why I wanted to tell you.

02:15:44.000 This is a guy who just beheaded his dad. 1.00

02:15:51.000 Okay, kill it. 1.00

02:15:53.000 I mean, that might be like a Manchurian candidate tank thing. 0.99

02:15:56.000 China might have like... 0.97

02:15:58.000 Hypnotize that dude. 1.00

02:15:59.000 Like that guy looks out of his fucking mind. 1.00

02:16:01.000 Yeah, and he wrote out a little thing. 1.00

02:16:03.000 He might be on like a new trial medication.

02:16:06.000 He typed up his little speech.

02:16:07.000 What he's gonna say.

02:16:09.000 I'll use all these buzzwords and then I'll show the head.

02:16:12.000 Like that's the fourth take or something.

02:16:15.000 His doctor prescribed a new medication called murderous militia.

02:16:19.000 Killed his head.

02:16:21.000 He held it up like I'm holding one of these little... 0.99

02:16:24.000 Like a fish.

02:16:25.000 See this?

02:16:26.000 This is Gary.

02:16:27.000 It's like, this is the brisket we're going to cook.

02:16:29.000 Here's before I trim it.

02:16:30.000 That's wild.

02:16:31.000 This is dad's head in a plastic bag.

02:16:34.000 That's so crazy.

02:16:36.000 The thing is, like, how calm he is.

02:16:37.000 Right.

02:16:38.000 When he's reading his manifesto and talking about, this is my dad, he was a traitor, puts it down, then just goes right back to work. 1.00

02:16:43.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

02:16:44.000 Yeah, that is insane. 1.00

02:16:45.000 That was interesting to...

02:16:47.000 Because, like, I'll read a thing, like, this soccer player came out and beheaded a referee or something like that, and it's always in some sort of place, you know?

02:16:56.000 You don't think that it's in, like, Ohio.

02:16:58.000 Like...

02:16:59.000 That was like a normal bedroom, like you see people Zoom call from.

02:17:03.000 What is that guy's background?

02:17:06.000 They got him, right?

02:17:07.000 He's alive, right?

02:17:08.000 That was the mugshot we were looking at.

02:17:09.000 That was the mugshot.

02:17:10.000 Jesus Christ.

02:17:11.000 He didn't even fight the cops and try to go down with the ship.

02:17:14.000 What a crazy world.

02:17:16.000 Larged with at least abuse of a corpse amongst other crimes.

02:17:21.000 At least abuse of a corpse.

02:17:22.000 Amongst other crimes.

02:17:24.000 Yeah, I think so.

02:17:24.000 No, my dad was already dead.

02:17:26.000 He just cut his head off.

02:17:28.000 Imagine if that turns out to be the case.

02:17:29.000 Dad died and said, you know what?

02:17:30.000 I'm going to get some street cred. 1.00

02:17:31.000 I'm going to hack his head off and said I killed him and he's a traitor. 1.00

02:17:35.000 That's possible. 1.00

02:17:36.000 Weirdest stolen valor ever.

02:17:38.000 It's the strangest.

02:17:40.000 One time I saw a fist fight in Seattle, Washington at this bar.

02:17:44.000 And this kid just jumped up.

02:17:46.000 Got this big guy. 0.93

02:17:47.000 Sucker punch. 0.99

02:17:48.000 Knocks him out. 0.99

02:17:49.000 And then fleed.

02:17:50.000 Because he realized, oh, I'm going to get in trouble.

02:17:51.000 Or maybe someone's going to beat me up.

02:17:53.000 And he ran from the cops.

02:17:54.000 But we all saw the fight.

02:17:55.000 So the police were like, would you recognize him if you saw him?

02:17:57.000 I go, yeah, I'd recognize him.

02:17:58.000 So they put me in the back of the cop car.

02:18:00.000 They were going to drive me around to see if I could spot him.

02:18:02.000 But I figured, because I'm in the back of the cop car.

02:18:04.000 You know, I look like I'm a badass.

02:18:07.000 Whenever we'd drive by girls, I'd put my hands like this and I'd be like kissing at the window. 0.99

02:18:13.000 And they're like, oh, that guy's nuts! 0.99

02:18:15.000 Handsome outlaw. 0.99

02:18:16.000 Stole the valor of the fight kid.

02:18:19.000 That's a good move.

02:18:20.000 What a weird...

02:18:21.000 That shook me a little bit.

02:18:22.000 What is that guy's background, Jamie?

02:18:24.000 He also, so they found, the wife called it in, he then drove a hundred miles and broke into a Fort Indiantown Gap base and stole a gun to Pennsylvania National Guard headquarters.

02:18:37.000 He was found with a gun, but he didn't resist arrest. 0.99

02:18:40.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:18:40.000 I wonder if this guy, like, do you think he didn't, before that, there was just like, he's just a guy. 0.99

02:18:46.000 And then he's like, well, cut the head off. 0.74

02:18:47.000 Now it's time to... 0.99

02:18:48.000 Right?

02:18:48.000 Do you think there was things leading up to that?

02:18:50.000 Or is that just...

02:18:51.000 That's the...

02:18:51.000 I would imagine there were signs.

02:18:53.000 Right.

02:18:54.000 2016, his college roommate said he thought the government was out to get him.

02:18:57.000 Oh, paranoid schizophrenia.

02:18:59.000 What do you think the rule is on...

02:19:01.000 Or maybe they were out to get him.

02:19:02.000 Or maybe they did Manchuria in Canada.

02:19:04.000 They were looking at him for a while.

02:19:05.000 When I first heard the story, the FBI was looking at him.

02:19:07.000 They were looking at him.

02:19:08.000 Yeah, we're looking at him.

02:19:09.000 Yeah, we're just taking a...

02:19:10.000 We're observing him.

02:19:11.000 Maybe it's like some new MKUltra project.

02:19:14.000 I will say the signs thing, so let's say this kid does this, right?

02:19:18.000 And then people go, oh, we looked at his...

02:19:20.000 They always do that with serial killers. 0.55

02:19:21.000 They'll say, look, we looked at his Facebook and there were signs and no one did anything about it.

02:19:25.000 Right.

02:19:26.000 It's because people don't want to believe that that's possible.

02:19:29.000 Well, also, you don't want to look for it everywhere.

02:19:31.000 Maybe the guy's just having a rough week.

02:19:33.000 Right. 1.00

02:19:34.000 Maybe he's not going to climb on top of a fucking church tower with a rifle. 0.99

02:19:38.000 There's a guy who I got banned from the improv in Hollywood. 0.97

02:19:42.000 And it's because while he was sitting there, he's a lower level comic, so he's not like past...

02:19:47.000 It's not like he would be working at the improv.

02:19:49.000 But he hangs out at the improv because he wants to be a successful comedian.

02:19:53.000 Excuse me.

02:19:55.000 I don't know.

02:19:56.000 I could chalk it up to alcohol.

02:19:58.000 I could chalk it up to whatever these excuses are.

02:20:00.000 But what he was saying was so problematic.

02:20:03.000 The way he was like, you know what?

02:20:06.000 It's coming.

02:20:07.000 The day is coming.

02:20:08.000 And I'll tell you what.

02:20:10.000 I've killed before. 0.96

02:20:12.000 One of these military guys.

02:20:13.000 Used to be a military guy.

02:20:14.000 And he goes, he's kind of taunting me a little bit.

02:20:17.000 Because I went and I was just on the lineup.

02:20:19.000 So I'm one of the comedians that he thinks.

02:20:22.000 And he goes, you know, and guys like you are worth extra points.

02:20:26.000 And I was like, what does that mean?

02:20:27.000 And my manager was sitting there listening to it.

02:20:29.000 I go, are you threatening me?

02:20:30.000 I don't understand what you're doing.

02:20:32.000 Because I just want to be friends with everyone.

02:20:34.000 Just trying to break bread.

02:20:35.000 And he's like, he's like, no, you guys will all see.

02:20:38.000 You guys will all see, dude.

02:20:39.000 It's all, he's doing this kind of like cryptic, I took it as like, this is a sign.

02:20:44.000 Yeah.

02:20:45.000 So I told the Hollywood, the next day I called, and I said, hey, you know, maybe you don't have a guy that's bragging about how he's going to shoot up everybody eventually.

02:20:53.000 Because you always hear these signs and go, why didn't I do anything?

02:20:55.000 Well, the thing about comedy is mental ill people sign up for open mics. 0.94

02:20:59.000 Yep. 0.51

02:21:00.000 All the time.

02:21:00.000 So I got him banned, and then the girl bartender who works there, who's a great woman, she's really great, she's like, I can't believe you did that.

02:21:07.000 He would never hurt a fly.

02:21:09.000 I know him really well.

02:21:10.000 I go, yeah, but you might be enabling a guy like this until he pops.

02:21:15.000 Yeah.

02:21:16.000 Like, we always say, like, why didn't you say anything?

02:21:18.000 You know, like, there's signs there.

02:21:20.000 Yeah.

02:21:20.000 I saw the signs and I told.

02:21:22.000 Whereas, like, she's, to this day, she's like, I just can't believe you got it.

02:21:25.000 Like, he might not have any other place to go, and he comes here.

02:21:29.000 Oh my god, he comes and ruins this place? 1.00

02:21:30.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

02:21:30.000 Yeah, you don't want him doing that. 0.99

02:21:31.000 I was like, I was fine with telling on him, and you can't talk like that.

02:21:35.000 Even if you're never gonna do anything.

02:21:36.000 Was he funny?

02:21:36.000 No.

02:21:37.000 Oh, well, there you go.

02:21:38.000 Doesn't bother me.

02:21:41.000 Probably wasn't going to work out anyway.

02:21:42.000 That's probably why he was upset with you.

02:21:44.000 Actually, he said that to me.

02:21:46.000 He goes, I bet you made everybody laugh.

02:21:48.000 Yeah, that's kind of the idea.

02:21:50.000 He goes, I don't even care if they laugh. 0.98

02:21:52.000 I don't give a shit about any of that. 0.99

02:21:54.000 And I was like, that's the whole point. 0.99

02:21:56.000 Like he was romanticizing about being the guy who doesn't need the crowd to like him.

02:22:02.000 And I was like, well, but that is the job.

02:22:04.000 I want them to laugh.

02:22:06.000 You're in the entertainment business.

02:22:08.000 It makes no sense.

02:22:10.000 He thinks he's better, more cerebral, because he doesn't get laughs.

02:22:14.000 That's what people do when they don't have an option.

02:22:16.000 That's the only way they can find any kind of status. 0.99

02:22:20.000 Their status is that they don't give a fuck. 0.99

02:22:22.000 It's so tired. 1.00

02:22:24.000 So stupid. 1.00

02:22:25.000 Of course you give a fuck. 1.00

02:22:26.000 Also, we don't need people that don't give fucks. 1.00

02:22:29.000 We want you to give some fucks. 1.00

02:22:31.000 It's not... 1.00

02:22:32.000 Powerful to not give a fuck. 1.00

02:22:34.000 It's stupid. 1.00

02:22:35.000 It's lazy, yeah. 1.00

02:22:35.000 Yeah, it's stupid. 1.00

02:22:36.000 It's immature. 1.00

02:22:37.000 It's like what babies do.

02:22:39.000 Yeah, you're trying to do something.

02:22:40.000 You're involved.

02:22:42.000 You're at the place of where it gets performed.

02:22:44.000 You're involved.

02:22:45.000 You're involved. 1.00

02:22:46.000 You just suck at it. 0.99

02:22:47.000 And so you're trying to find some way to sort of make you the more, you know, whatever. 0.99

02:22:55.000 Virtuous.

02:22:56.000 More someone who's like cooler.

02:22:58.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:22:58.000 And that's all in a need to be like, we talked about a guy last night that's like, He would treat people terribly, but then when you'd hear him talk about people that he liked, he would say, like, he was a real jerk to me. 0.98

02:23:12.000 You're like, yeah, see how that made you feel? 0.96

02:23:14.000 That's what you do to people like you think that that, you know, it makes no sense.

02:23:19.000 Well, people are just trapped in their own head. 1.00

02:23:21.000 Silly. 0.99

02:23:22.000 So many people are not aware of how other people are perceiving them. 1.00

02:23:25.000 They're trapped in their own head.

02:23:27.000 And they just know what they want.

02:23:28.000 And they get upset if other people are getting things.

02:23:30.000 It's just so toxic.

02:23:32.000 It's so bad for you.

02:23:33.000 But I think you can learn that at a pretty young age.

02:23:37.000 Yeah, you should learn that.

02:23:38.000 Do you know how you feel when people are nice to you?

02:23:41.000 That's how they're going to feel if you're nice.

02:23:43.000 It's such a child, like kindergarten lesson.

02:23:46.000 And these are grown people that you have to go, you should treat people good.

02:23:50.000 That's kind of the idea.

02:23:51.000 Hey man, they're artists.

02:23:53.000 They're artists.

02:23:54.000 They're artists, man.

02:23:58.000 That's so good.

02:23:59.000 You can't be an artist.

02:24:00.000 You're too handsome.

02:24:01.000 Yeah, you should want them at all to not like you. 0.90

02:24:04.000 You should be depressed.

02:24:05.000 How can we not be depressed?

02:24:06.000 No way to live!

02:24:08.000 It's no way to live.

02:24:10.000 It isn't any way to live.

02:24:11.000 Yeah.

02:24:11.000 That is a powerful statement to just be like, people go, how you doing?

02:24:14.000 I'm happy.

02:24:15.000 And they go, what?

02:24:16.000 Yeah.

02:24:16.000 What do you mean you're happy?

02:24:17.000 Well, that's the really annoying thing about this perception of comedians that we're not supposed to be happy. 1.00

02:24:21.000 So dumb. 0.99

02:24:22.000 Like, says who? 1.00

02:24:23.000 Right.

02:24:23.000 We literally make people happy for a living.

02:24:25.000 You shouldn't be enjoying yourself.

02:24:26.000 Like, last night hanging around the green room.

02:24:28.000 That, to me, is like ultimate playground.

02:24:31.000 Right. 0.99

02:24:31.000 Everyone's just having fun and laughing and we're just talking shit and having a good time. 0.99

02:24:37.000 And the idea that that wouldn't make you happy and then you go on stage and then people laugh, that doesn't make you happy? 0.98

02:24:44.000 You know what's better?

02:24:45.000 It's a lot better than pouring concrete for 10 hours.

02:24:49.000 You're at work and we're having fun and talking.

02:24:53.000 Yeah, I think that's why podcasts are so huge, by the way.

02:24:56.000 Sure.

02:24:57.000 Because it's the green room hang.

02:24:59.000 Yes.

02:25:00.000 Holding court, telling stories.

02:25:02.000 Get in on it.

02:25:02.000 They listen to it.

02:25:03.000 Yeah.

02:25:04.000 And then they get inspired to kind of have those kind of conversations with their friends.

02:25:07.000 Sure. 0.98

02:25:08.000 If you're not around anybody interesting, it sucks. 0.99

02:25:11.000 It sucks. 1.00

02:25:12.000 100%. 1.00

02:25:12.000 It's like a kind of... 1.00

02:25:14.000 It's like a social starvation.

02:25:17.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:25:17.000 Part of you just fucking withers. 0.99

02:25:20.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:25:20.000 Part of you that likes to have a good time and have fun with cool people. 0.98

02:25:24.000 Yeah, and it's also like...

02:25:26.000 I love the idea that if I say something to my comedy buddies, they know me well enough to go, he's a comedian.

02:25:33.000 He's trying to be funny.

02:25:35.000 Dude, I say a lot of stinkers.

02:25:36.000 There's going to be, in the comments, oh, you see Jeff trying to make Joe laugh right there.

02:25:40.000 But Joe knows, I'm just trying to make you laugh.

02:25:42.000 Listen, we had no conversation at all about what we were going to talk about.

02:25:46.000 Every podcast is like this.

02:25:47.000 We just sit down and have a good time.

02:25:49.000 Some of them are gonna...

02:25:50.000 You take some swings.

02:25:51.000 Yeah.

02:25:51.000 Yeah, that's kind of how it goes.

02:25:53.000 Some are going foul ball.

02:25:53.000 Also, I might say something horrific.

02:25:55.000 Yeah, it happens.

02:25:56.000 And you go, yeah, that's what Jeff was just talking.

02:25:58.000 That's what talking is.

02:25:59.000 Yeah, especially talking and thinking in public out loud.

02:26:03.000 Yeah.

02:26:04.000 Yeah.

02:26:04.000 You bounce it off each other.

02:26:05.000 That's what you're doing.

02:26:05.000 I remember one time I said something terrible at a woman that was just walking by the car, you know, to my guy friends who aren't comics.

02:26:11.000 We were pretty, like, junior college age. 0.99

02:26:14.000 And my friends were like, what the fuck, dude? 0.99

02:26:16.000 And I was like, I don't know. 0.99

02:26:17.000 I thought it'd be funny.

02:26:19.000 And they just totally didn't get it, and it was really horrific.

02:26:23.000 You tried!

02:26:24.000 Yeah, I tried, but I think about that moment a lot now that I'm with comics and I'm in these circles because they would just go, yeah, I know exactly what he's trying to do.

02:26:31.000 I did one of those jokes five minutes ago.

02:26:34.000 It's like the open mic-er trying the abortion joke.

02:26:36.000 Like, hey, you're not good enough for this yet.

02:26:40.000 Swing, yeah.

02:26:40.000 You gotta learn, and one of the ways you learn is by swinging and missing.

02:26:44.000 That's why a lot of comics will say, and I don't, again, won't name names, but they'll be like, I just went in there, I did my set, and I got the fuck out of there.

02:26:51.000 Barry Katz used to tell comics to do that. 0.94

02:26:53.000 Don't hang around.

02:26:54.000 You don't want to be in these circles, you know?

02:26:56.000 And it's like, well, one, that's how you make friends.

02:26:59.000 Yeah.

02:27:00.000 When I love friends.

02:27:01.000 And they're the friends that are gonna most relate to your life.

02:27:04.000 Yeah, we're doing the same stuff.

02:27:05.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:27:06.000 And we're cut from the same cloth.

02:27:08.000 It's our only group.

02:27:09.000 Yeah.

02:27:09.000 Right?

02:27:10.000 And that's why those comics, if I were to name their names, they don't do podcasts, and they don't go because they've never done the hang part.

02:27:18.000 Right.

02:27:18.000 They've only done the jokes and the Judy Carter comedy bible of, like, you write this thing.

02:27:24.000 So it's like, this job isn't about going up there and then leave.

02:27:27.000 It's about the community of stand-up comedy.

02:27:29.000 It's about both.

02:27:31.000 And part of the enjoyment is the camaraderie.

02:27:33.000 That's part of the enjoyment.

02:27:34.000 Why would you want less enjoyment?

02:27:36.000 Yeah, makes no sense.

02:27:37.000 Also, like, that socially, they're the most fun people to hang out with, for me.

02:27:42.000 So, like, why would you want to deny yourself of the most fun people to hang out with socially?

02:27:46.000 That's why it's a...

02:27:48.000 I have to keep going to these meetings and stuff for booze.

02:27:53.000 Yeah, for the drinking.

02:27:54.000 And I just sit in there going, I gotta listen to these hacks.

02:27:57.000 I know some of the funniest people in the world. 1.00

02:27:59.000 This guy's telling me some stupid stories. 1.00

02:28:01.000 I'm just listening to stories. 1.00

02:28:02.000 I'm so judgmental of people's stories.

02:28:04.000 Get in, get out.

02:28:06.000 There's no punchline here.

02:28:07.000 What's the point of this story?

02:28:09.000 And he's like, the guy's just gotta...

02:28:12.000 He's just trying to...

02:28:13.000 He has to share or whatever.

02:28:15.000 But then a lot of people go up in front of those things and they learn how to do stand-up because they tell funny stories.

02:28:21.000 You know who doesn't tell funny stories, Joe?

02:28:23.000 Who?

02:28:23.000 The Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

02:28:26.000 Talk about a buzzkill, you know?

02:28:28.000 These gals. 1.00

02:28:29.000 I'm just watching them going, oh, Jesus.

02:28:31.000 Yeah, you don't want to be on those conversations.

02:28:33.000 Bad storytelling.

02:28:34.000 Those are bad stories.

02:28:35.000 Yeah, but it is.

02:28:37.000 It's just like, I've become such a snob about the company, because I get to be around such funny people.

02:28:43.000 Yeah.

02:28:44.000 You know, that it's like, now I'm having to listen to, you know, a girl I like, friend, talk about, you know, shopping that day or something.

02:28:51.000 I'm being irritable about it, like, ugh.

02:28:53.000 That's brutal.

02:28:54.000 Assault on your attention span.

02:28:56.000 Yeah.

02:28:56.000 I'm just going, I can't hear this.

02:28:57.000 Well, you just got to filter those people out of your life.

02:28:59.000 Yeah, I try.

02:29:00.000 Yeah, as much as you can.

02:29:01.000 Yeah.

02:29:02.000 Keep your circle tight, Jeff.

02:29:03.000 Sometimes you have to be around them.

02:29:05.000 Keep your circle tight.

02:29:05.000 Yeah.

02:29:06.000 Well, listen, man, it's been very fun getting to know you, hanging out with you.

02:29:09.000 Last night was really fun.

02:29:10.000 You were very funny on stage.

02:29:12.000 It was a cool hang in the green room.

02:29:13.000 Yeah.

02:29:14.000 It was great.

02:29:14.000 I enjoyed talking to you, man.

02:29:16.000 So tell everybody, social media, where they can find you, websites.

02:29:20.000 Yeah, so all my dates will be on jeffdye.com.

02:29:24.000 I literally work every weekend all over.

02:29:26.000 So I'm coming to Charlotte, Norfolk, San Antonio, Dallas, Jacksonville, Orlando, Raleigh.

02:29:30.000 Never come off the road.

02:29:30.000 Every weekend.

02:29:31.000 Always on the road.

02:29:31.000 I love it.

02:29:31.000 If I could do stand-up every night, five times a night, that's what I want.

02:29:35.000 So that's all at jeffdye.com.

02:29:36.000 I love it.

02:29:36.000 And then I have a few podcasts.

02:29:38.000 One's called Wrestling with Freddie, where me and Freddie Prince Jr. talk about wrestling once a week.

02:29:44.000 Pro wrestling?

02:29:45.000 It's like UFC, but choreographed, you know?

02:29:46.000 Pro wrestling?

02:29:47.000 Yeah, pro wrestling.

02:29:48.000 And then I have one called Everybody's Got a Price.

02:29:50.000 Me and Josh Nelson, we just play a simple game with our guest, like, how much to eat the hottest pepper in the world.

02:29:56.000 And then the people that listen can say, I'd pay Joe Rogan whatever.

02:30:01.000 They make a pot of money, and then we film you doing whatever the thing is.

02:30:05.000 Oh, wow.

02:30:05.000 And a guest like you, who would be like, I would never do that.

02:30:08.000 I have money.

02:30:09.000 You can then say...

02:30:11.000 I'll put this much in to watch someone do it.

02:30:13.000 But anyways, so that's called Everybody's Got a Price, me and Josh Nelson, and then I have a podcast called Jeff Dye's Friendship.

02:30:18.000 Oh, dude, you run three podcasts simultaneously?

02:30:21.000 Wow, I like it.

02:30:22.000 It's fun.

02:30:23.000 Go for it.

02:30:24.000 Yeah, it's fun.

02:30:25.000 I like it.

02:30:26.000 Beautiful.

02:30:27.000 Alright, thank you very much.

02:30:27.000 Thanks for having me.

02:30:28.000 It was a lot of fun.

02:30:28.000 Appreciate you.

02:30:29.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 02, 2024

Joe Rogan Experience #2097 - Jeff Dye

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