The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2098

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:12.000 Boys.

00:00:13.000 Yes.

00:00:14.000 Salute.

00:00:15.000 Hey.

00:00:15.000 Bud Light came all the way back.

00:00:17.000 They came all the way back.

00:00:20.000 Matt, you ain't responsible.

00:00:22.000 I can't.

00:00:23.000 Are you a non-drinker now?

00:00:26.000 No, I drink.

00:00:26.000 I just unfortunately have a bad tummy.

00:00:29.000 Can't have gluten.

00:00:30.000 Oh, yeah.

00:00:31.000 I've had it since I was like 21. Is it a Crohn's thing?

00:00:34.000 No, it's like celiac.

00:00:35.000 If I have it, I won't die.

00:00:37.000 I'll just start burping every...

00:00:38.000 Celiacs is rough, man.

00:00:40.000 I have a buddy who didn't know he had it until...

00:00:43.000 I think he was like 25 or something like that.

00:00:46.000 Yeah.

00:00:47.000 It's about when you got it, right?

00:00:48.000 21, yeah.

00:00:49.000 Well, he probably had it his whole life.

00:00:52.000 It just felt like shit.

00:00:54.000 Yeah, maybe I have it.

00:00:56.000 We might all have it.

00:00:57.000 Terrible.

00:00:58.000 We might all have it.

00:00:58.000 You can put down 18 of these.

00:01:00.000 There's no way you can have it.

00:01:01.000 Responsibly.

00:01:02.000 Responsibly.

00:01:03.000 There's no way you're not driving.

00:01:04.000 True.

00:01:05.000 For some reason, you can do it, though.

00:01:07.000 I don't understand.

00:01:07.000 I've never seen anybody consume beer the way you can.

00:01:10.000 I can drink beer.

00:01:11.000 But you just stay at a level, a communication level.

00:01:15.000 Well, there's no shots.

00:01:17.000 You know what I mean?

00:01:18.000 Usually the guys, you start drinking like that, you're like, alright, what's the next thing?

00:01:22.000 Right.

00:01:23.000 Shots.

00:01:23.000 That ends your night.

00:01:24.000 Yeah, there's a corner I turn where I'm like, oh no.

00:01:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:01:30.000 Oh, yeah, I get to that corner.

00:01:31.000 Really concentrating on my liver.

00:01:33.000 Come on, boys.

00:01:35.000 Pump it out.

00:01:37.000 Turning that corner.

00:01:38.000 Bud Light came all the way back.

00:01:39.000 UFC, Shane Gillis.

00:01:41.000 Let's go.

00:01:42.000 Let's go.

00:01:42.000 Let's fucking go.

00:01:43.000 For the bros now.

00:01:44.000 I mean, that's a good move.

00:01:45.000 Like, that guy that we met, the CEO, he's got it together.

00:01:49.000 He gets it.

00:01:50.000 He gets it.

00:01:51.000 I thought you were the CEO now.

00:01:53.000 Just in commercials.

00:01:55.000 I knew you guys were going to fucking make fun of me.

00:01:58.000 I'm so happy.

00:02:00.000 It wouldn't happen without this.

00:02:02.000 Listen, I'm so happy.

00:02:03.000 I'm so happy.

00:02:04.000 It just made so much sense.

00:02:06.000 You never let them go.

00:02:07.000 You never bailed on them.

00:02:09.000 In the heart of all the craziness, he never bailed.

00:02:11.000 Kid Rock's fuckin' shootin' cases out of his ranch.

00:02:14.000 That turncoat.

00:02:14.000 That's your nemesis, that's your nemesis now.

00:02:16.000 I have to fight Bobby next time I go to Nashville.

00:02:18.000 You should have a duel, a classic duel.

00:02:20.000 I think it was an important moment in culture where people realized, like, You know, there's consequences for certain things.

00:02:27.000 Some people, like a guy like Kid Rock, can shoot your brand.

00:02:31.000 You've got real problems with that demographic.

00:02:34.000 Who would have guessed?

00:02:35.000 Who would have fucking ever thought that was gonna happen?

00:02:38.000 I mean, just seeing Kid Rock do that, people must have been like, oh, fuck.

00:02:41.000 You think they watched it in like a boardroom like, guys, we gotta talk about this.

00:02:44.000 That lady who was...

00:02:45.000 Maybe.

00:02:46.000 The lady who was in charge, the one lady who made that one video.

00:02:50.000 Let's move on.

00:02:51.000 Hell yeah.

00:02:52.000 Yeah.

00:02:53.000 Hell yeah.

00:02:54.000 Wow, I didn't see that coming.

00:02:56.000 Thanks, fellas.

00:02:57.000 I think we've beaten that fucking horse into a pulp.

00:03:00.000 It's a meaty jelly on the ground now.

00:03:03.000 Yeah.

00:03:03.000 It's been awesome.

00:03:04.000 Yeah, it's awesome.

00:03:05.000 I'm so happy.

00:03:07.000 They're smart, man.

00:03:08.000 They did a smart thing.

00:03:09.000 And they did a smart thing with the UFC, too.

00:03:11.000 It's perfect.

00:03:11.000 Yeah.

00:03:12.000 It's perfect.

00:03:12.000 Yeah.

00:03:13.000 They should make the fighters drink a beer before every fight.

00:03:16.000 Yeah, I don't think that'd be too much of it.

00:03:18.000 You know how they have monster cans?

00:03:22.000 That probably won't happen, though, but why not?

00:03:25.000 Why can't you?

00:03:27.000 All you have to do is put Bud Light on the bottle.

00:03:29.000 It's not like they're drinking fucking Monster during the fight.

00:03:31.000 That's what I was saying.

00:03:32.000 Are they going to say it's bad for you to have a Bud Light after a fight?

00:03:35.000 That's crazy.

00:03:36.000 You just got punched in the head 185 times.

00:03:39.000 After the fight, yeah.

00:03:40.000 I don't think that's a tough sell.

00:03:41.000 I think those guys are cracking beers after.

00:03:44.000 Yeah, like the Sean Strickland-Drickus-Duplessy fight, those guys deserve beer.

00:03:49.000 They deserve a lot of beer after that fight.

00:03:51.000 Use them as ice packs, too, like a cold one.

00:03:53.000 Yeah, it's like, oh, it feels good.

00:03:56.000 Done that.

00:03:59.000 You know what I've never had used on me is that end swell.

00:04:02.000 They take that piece of hard steel and they push all the swelling away from your eyes so you can see better.

00:04:09.000 Oh man, where does it go?

00:04:11.000 They just push off to the side of your head.

00:04:13.000 It's just to clear your vision so you can go out there and get punched again.

00:04:17.000 Yeah, you ever see that?

00:04:18.000 That press?

00:04:18.000 No, I didn't know what that was.

00:04:20.000 That was like Tyson-Buster Douglas.

00:04:21.000 They didn't have one.

00:04:23.000 They didn't bring it.

00:04:24.000 They thought Tyson was gonna fuck up Buster Douglas that bad.

00:04:26.000 Well, he had a bad corner.

00:04:28.000 See, Tyson's downfall is largely related to many things.

00:04:33.000 Everybody falls.

00:04:34.000 They just get too big.

00:04:35.000 It's too unmanageable.

00:04:37.000 But also, Costamato died, and then he left Kevin Rooney.

00:04:41.000 And so now he's with these guys that were just like around.

00:04:45.000 And there's trainers, and it's like, he's Tyson, so he can beat everybody, anybody.

00:04:49.000 Anyway, but then he gets to this one dude in Buster Douglas who's really prepared.

00:04:54.000 His mom just died.

00:04:55.000 And he was always like that super talented guy.

00:04:59.000 Like, look how bad his eye was.

00:05:00.000 Look how bad his eye was.

00:05:01.000 And they didn't have an N-12.

00:05:03.000 They had a glove.

00:05:03.000 They filled a rubber glove with ice.

00:05:05.000 Yeah, so stupid.

00:05:07.000 I mean, you need to push on that and push it to the side.

00:05:10.000 And Tyson still almost won.

00:05:12.000 He still almost won.

00:05:13.000 He still dropped.

00:05:13.000 Yeah, that was a questionable ten count on that.

00:05:15.000 It was a questionable ten count.

00:05:17.000 It was definitely.

00:05:17.000 But there's a few of those out there in the sport.

00:05:19.000 The sport should operate on a time.

00:05:22.000 Like a digital timer should go off the moment someone touches the ground.

00:05:25.000 That's how it should go.

00:05:26.000 Because if you're a guy and maybe you like this guy more.

00:05:31.000 The fighters and the referees, they know each other.

00:05:34.000 I'm around these guys all the time in MMA. You get to be friends with them.

00:05:40.000 I'm friends with these guys.

00:05:41.000 Damn, so there's no official clock.

00:05:43.000 It's just the ref is in their head.

00:05:44.000 That's great.

00:05:44.000 Well, in MMA, obviously this will count.

00:05:47.000 But in boxing, I'm sure it's kind of a similar situation where they all know each other.

00:05:51.000 Like, hey, what's up?

00:05:52.000 What's going on?

00:05:52.000 How you doing?

00:05:53.000 Dude, I used to ref kids basketball when I was in high school.

00:05:56.000 And as soon as a kid talked shit to me, in my head, I was like, your team's losing.

00:05:59.000 I'm going to do everything in my power.

00:06:01.000 As soon as they're like, are you serious?

00:06:03.000 If a parent spoke up, I'm like, you just lost this game for your son.

00:06:07.000 Congratulations.

00:06:07.000 Yeah, like, way to go, dickhead.

00:06:08.000 And now just the whole time.

00:06:10.000 You're just high as fuck coaching kids basketball.

00:06:13.000 I'll get like 15 bucks a game.

00:06:14.000 Some parents are insufferable.

00:06:15.000 Dude, it's insane.

00:06:16.000 They're so insufferable.

00:06:18.000 You see it in combat sports, too.

00:06:20.000 You see it, like, some parents are just so crazy.

00:06:23.000 Yeah.

00:06:23.000 And they think, they almost want to hit the other kid that fought their kid.

00:06:27.000 Like, hey, this is the deal.

00:06:28.000 That makes sense, though.

00:06:29.000 It doesn't make sense.

00:06:30.000 No, no, I'm saying, like, you see your kid getting hit.

00:06:33.000 It's not like a sport, like a football or something.

00:06:36.000 Yeah.

00:06:36.000 There's like an instinct to be like, I gotta go beat that kid's ass.

00:06:39.000 Oh, for sure.

00:06:39.000 But you, you know, everybody knows what's going on here.

00:06:42.000 This is like, it's very important you don't violate that.

00:06:46.000 Especially with kids and adults, and it's like...

00:06:50.000 You're allowing another child to possibly knock your kid unconscious.

00:06:55.000 And that's the agreement you're making.

00:06:56.000 And you're trying to have your kid is trying to knock that kid unconscious.

00:07:00.000 Yeah.

00:07:01.000 Yeah, it is what it is.

00:07:02.000 It's intense, man.

00:07:03.000 When I used to coach kids, I used to take kids to fights, like young teenagers, take them to fights.

00:07:09.000 And sometimes their parents would just be fucking freaking out.

00:07:15.000 I'm so used to seeing people get kicked in the face.

00:07:18.000 To me, it's normal.

00:07:19.000 I don't have any kids.

00:07:19.000 I'm 21. And I'm like, okay, how do I talk to these parents and get them to relax and understand this is the agreement that's been made here.

00:07:27.000 You can't freak out.

00:07:29.000 Yeah, you're gonna freak your kid out.

00:07:31.000 Yeah, you're gonna freak your kid out.

00:07:32.000 You're putting too much pressure on your kid.

00:07:34.000 Like, Helio Gracie used to give his children toys and presents if they lost.

00:07:41.000 That's kind of cool.

00:07:41.000 Yeah.

00:07:42.000 He just wanted them to get better.

00:07:45.000 And he's like, the fear of competition, the fear of losing is so overwhelming.

00:07:50.000 He would do everything he could to mitigate it.

00:07:52.000 And so instead of him getting fucking angry and hyped up, he would hug them and give them toys and give them things if they lost.

00:08:00.000 That's really nice.

00:08:01.000 That's kind of a good way to go about it.

00:08:02.000 Because even like basketball and football, like I've seen parents like spazz, dude.

00:08:07.000 Yeah, because if you think about it, the kid's going to try to win anyway.

00:08:10.000 He's not going to try to get his ass kicked for a G.I. Joe.

00:08:14.000 He's going to try to win anyway, so if he wins, he gets the win, and if he loses, he gets a fucking toy.

00:08:20.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:08:20.000 I had to bet once, my dad, if I scored three baskets in a game, I'd be able to rent Mortal Kombat.

00:08:26.000 My whole team was trying to get me, my friends were trying to get me the ball.

00:08:30.000 I sucked, dude.

00:08:32.000 Six points?

00:08:33.000 Yeah, needed six points.

00:08:34.000 Jumping six in a Summer League game is not easy.

00:08:36.000 No, it was young.

00:08:37.000 We were young, dude.

00:08:37.000 It was tough.

00:08:39.000 There was a wrestling match that was recently, this video went viral, because this kid, these two guys are wrestling, and it looks like this kid doesn't have an arm in.

00:08:48.000 It looks like he's just on the neck, which is illegal in wrestling.

00:08:51.000 You're supposed to have an arm in, and the dad jumps in, and I think he hits the kid.

00:08:57.000 Oh, no.

00:08:57.000 Yeah, the dad, I believe, got banned for life.

00:09:02.000 Yeah, that should do it.

00:09:03.000 It's pretty crazy.

00:09:04.000 Oh, he actually jumped in and beat the dude's ass?

00:09:06.000 He thought it was WWE rules.

00:09:08.000 He thought it could interfere.

00:09:09.000 He came in with a steel chair.

00:09:10.000 I don't know what the rules are to wrestling, so I can't tell you whether or not this...

00:09:14.000 I really know very little about wrestling, so I don't know whether or not the kid was doing something that was highly illegal.

00:09:20.000 And jujitsu looks normal.

00:09:22.000 It's like, oh yeah, he got his neck.

00:09:23.000 But I guess in wrestling you can't just grab the neck.

00:09:26.000 Yeah, you have to have an R-man.

00:09:28.000 I shouldn't even be talking about this.

00:09:30.000 I honestly should know.

00:09:32.000 No, you're right.

00:09:33.000 It's the things that I should know.

00:09:35.000 You know, what the limitations of their sport are.

00:09:38.000 But I just, I'm always like, it's so silly.

00:09:39.000 I guess we can choke in wrestling.

00:09:41.000 I think you could, maybe like a classic headlock.

00:09:42.000 I don't know.

00:09:43.000 Yeah, you could hit with a fucking...

00:09:44.000 But don't you have to have an R-man, though?

00:09:46.000 Don't you have to have an R-man?

00:09:47.000 I have no clue.

00:09:47.000 I don't know any rules about wrestling at all.

00:09:49.000 I don't either.

00:09:49.000 I don't understand.

00:09:50.000 I was saying it's hard to drop six in a summer league game.

00:09:53.000 I wasn't poo-poo in your effort.

00:09:55.000 I'm like...

00:09:55.000 If I dropped six in a summer league game, I was like...

00:09:58.000 Fell down ten times.

00:10:01.000 There's a choke where you put someone completely unconscious with one arm, with just the headlock.

00:10:08.000 It's called a bulldog choke or a schoolyard choke.

00:10:11.000 They call it a schoolyard choke.

00:10:12.000 That's how Carlos Newton beat Pat Miletic for the welterweight title.

00:10:17.000 Like way, way back in the day.

00:10:18.000 It's a crazy picture because Carlos Newton is fucking short.

00:10:22.000 Is that the one you have here?

00:10:25.000 That's the scariest guy that's ever lived.

00:10:30.000 He's the scariest guy that ever lived.

00:10:32.000 That guy used to just throw people around.

00:10:34.000 There's no way that's legal.

00:10:36.000 Because you could put someone unconscious with that.

00:10:38.000 Yeah, I don't think you're allowed.

00:10:39.000 Yeah, probably not.

00:10:40.000 Jamie, what are the rules for wrestling?

00:10:42.000 Are you around to grab someone by their neck?

00:10:44.000 Can you show me the video of the kid where the dad jumps in?

00:10:48.000 I'm not sure if I found the right one.

00:10:49.000 This one I found was...

00:10:50.000 Yeah, but the one you just showed that picture again?

00:10:52.000 That's Carlos Newton when he caught Pat Melletich.

00:10:55.000 Jeez, dude.

00:10:56.000 That's the fucking big brother, dude.

00:10:57.000 Look at that arm, son.

00:10:59.000 If you had an arm like that, you'd let it sit out the window all day long.

00:11:01.000 Oh, God.

00:11:02.000 Hey, ladies.

00:11:03.000 Look at that arm.

00:11:04.000 Good Lord.

00:11:05.000 Probably so shredded.

00:11:06.000 Yeah, Carlos Newton was a sensational submission guy, too.

00:11:10.000 He also fought Matt Hughes and choked Matt Hughes unconscious, but Matt Hughes slammed him to the ground and knocked him unconscious, and Matt Hughes woke up first.

00:11:18.000 And Matt Hughes was like, I won?

00:11:20.000 What?

00:11:20.000 He didn't even know he won.

00:11:21.000 What happened was Carlos got him in a standing triangle, and Carlos is putting him out while he's standing up, and then Matt, in like a last-ditch effort, slams him to the ground as he's going out.

00:11:33.000 Wow.

00:11:33.000 It's the end of a movie.

00:11:34.000 Carlos goes out and he goes out and then Matt wakes up.

00:11:37.000 And I remember being there.

00:11:38.000 Matt was like, what?

00:11:40.000 And he won from waking up first?

00:11:42.000 He was the fucking man, dude.

00:11:43.000 Back in the day, he was the man.

00:11:45.000 Matt Hughes was like the first truly elite wrestler that learned black belt level submission skills.

00:11:53.000 What the fuck?

00:11:53.000 So they were both out.

00:11:54.000 They were both out.

00:11:56.000 And so like Matt, he doesn't know what's going on.

00:11:58.000 He sat up, so he's good.

00:12:00.000 Dude, getting slammed wearing fucking tighty-whities sucks, dude.

00:12:04.000 That sucks so bad.

00:12:05.000 It was a great fight.

00:12:08.000 Matthews was the fucking man.

00:12:09.000 Tighty-whities is a wild move, dude.

00:12:11.000 Yeah, that is pretty nuts, dude.

00:12:13.000 It is a wild move, but everybody wore them back then.

00:12:16.000 The Brazilian Vale Tudo guys, they all wore Speedos.

00:12:19.000 Because they fought like they fought on the beach.

00:12:20.000 Come on, Poha!

00:12:22.000 Yeah, pretty boys.

00:12:23.000 You got in a fight with some Brazilians on the beach.

00:12:25.000 I got robbed in Brazil on the beach.

00:12:26.000 Oh no.

00:12:27.000 Were they in their undies?

00:12:29.000 No, they were just in some trunks, respectable trunks.

00:12:31.000 But yeah, they told me not to walk home on the beach by myself late at night or early in the morning.

00:12:36.000 I was like, late at night I could see, but I was like, early in the morning, it's sunrise.

00:12:39.000 And I got robbed at knife point.

00:12:41.000 Damn, that must have been terrifying.

00:12:43.000 Getting your ass beat by a guy in a Speedo.

00:12:45.000 Yeah, it would suck.

00:12:46.000 What did you have to give up?

00:12:48.000 It's like seven bucks.

00:12:49.000 It was like seven.

00:12:50.000 I had my wallet, or I had my credit card, and then I remembered I had money in my shoe or something, and they were pissed.

00:12:56.000 I'm like, oh, here, I have this, too.

00:12:58.000 They were kind of nice about it.

00:12:59.000 Oh, that's cool.

00:13:00.000 They were like, sorry, we're really hungry.

00:13:01.000 And I was like, hey, thanks for not stabbing me, guys.

00:13:03.000 Yeah.

00:13:04.000 But I was.

00:13:05.000 I was like, you get out of your body.

00:13:06.000 When you're getting robbed, you're completely out of your body and you're just like, uh...

00:13:09.000 That is kind of a cool way to rob someone.

00:13:12.000 Sorry, we're really hungry.

00:13:14.000 Yeah, I had a phrasebook on me and my credit card.

00:13:17.000 They took out my credit card.

00:13:18.000 I'm like, yo, you guys can take this to the Mac machine and just get a bunch of money out.

00:13:21.000 And they were like, I didn't know what that was.

00:13:23.000 And then they took like seven bucks off me and they went through my phrasebook and they were laughing at stuff that I had circled.

00:13:27.000 It was like, I want you.

00:13:33.000 They're like, ah, and I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:13:35.000 It was pretty cordial, the whole experience.

00:13:38.000 Wow.

00:13:39.000 Damn.

00:13:40.000 Yeah.

00:13:40.000 That made fun of it?

00:13:41.000 That made fun of my phrasebook.

00:13:42.000 They were like, bah, they're flipping through it.

00:13:44.000 When you land in Rio, you drive through the favelas.

00:13:47.000 Yeah.

00:13:48.000 It's so scary.

00:13:48.000 And it's like, oh my god.

00:13:50.000 The level of...

00:13:52.000 You ever see City of God?

00:13:53.000 Yes.

00:13:54.000 Bro, it makes Boys in the Hood look like Sesame Street.

00:13:56.000 Yeah, it does.

00:13:57.000 That movie is crazy.

00:13:59.000 Yeah, they're just living in sheds on a hill.

00:14:01.000 What was that game you were playing?

00:14:02.000 Fallout?

00:14:03.000 Where you're like grabbing pieces of metal and that's your house.

00:14:07.000 It's crazy.

00:14:08.000 Yeah, I know a lot of people that came from there.

00:14:10.000 That's nuts, dude.

00:14:12.000 A lot of UFC fighters came from the favelas.

00:14:14.000 Dude, it's terrifying.

00:14:15.000 Yeah, it's a different level of poverty, man.

00:14:17.000 And it's a different level of scarcity.

00:14:19.000 Yeah.

00:14:19.000 No opportunity, nothing, violence, guns.

00:14:23.000 Yeah, they come.

00:14:24.000 The kids are like, when I was walking around there, I was like 21, but they'll come grab your leg and like hold on to your leg and like, por favor.

00:14:31.000 Just like, dude, here's...

00:14:32.000 Yeah, movie rules.

00:14:33.000 That's City of God.

00:14:33.000 Such a good movie.

00:14:34.000 Movie's so crazy.

00:14:36.000 And apparently really accurate.

00:14:38.000 It really is like what it's like.

00:14:41.000 Damn, that was Roger Ebert days.

00:14:43.000 Yeah.

00:14:45.000 Yeah, when I was there, this Swedish guy went to the favela with another guy to buy coke, and I was like, like, you want to come?

00:14:51.000 I was like, no, thank you.

00:14:53.000 Fuck all that.

00:14:53.000 He got back.

00:14:54.000 He looked kind of Brazilian a little bit, luckily, but I was like, bro, I'm not going with you to go there.

00:14:58.000 Yeah, there's levels.

00:15:00.000 Yeah.

00:15:01.000 There's levels in this world.

00:15:02.000 Yeah, that's scary.

00:15:04.000 Being that poor is scary.

00:15:05.000 But it was nice.

00:15:05.000 I was there.

00:15:06.000 It's like Monopoly money.

00:15:08.000 If it's not your currency, I was out there just doling that stuff out.

00:15:11.000 You love our currency.

00:15:12.000 I do.

00:15:12.000 We were in Australia.

00:15:13.000 Dude, we were in Australia and Matt was like, this is U.S. I tried to pay $20 in U.S. money and they were like, we don't take that.

00:15:20.000 I'm like, come on, man.

00:15:21.000 Come on, man.

00:15:21.000 This is 10 times your money.

00:15:23.000 It's like, dude, this is American.

00:15:25.000 I was treated like I was in Honduras.

00:15:27.000 I was like, yo, here's the 20 bucks.

00:15:28.000 They're like, well, we can't take this.

00:15:30.000 I'm like, no, they'll give you that.

00:15:31.000 That's good money.

00:15:32.000 Some money, they have clear little holes in them, and there's little holograms in it.

00:15:38.000 It's all bullshit, dude.

00:15:38.000 It's fake.

00:15:39.000 American money is the only thing that matters.

00:15:41.000 Isn't it wild, though, that no one's figured out how to completely, accurately recreate money?

00:15:46.000 It's just pieces of paper.

00:15:47.000 They had to really stay ahead of the curve.

00:15:49.000 For the counterfeiters, the technology increased.

00:15:52.000 Yeah, true.

00:15:52.000 All the printers.

00:15:54.000 That was a major problem when this country was starting.

00:15:56.000 It was an easy thing to do.

00:15:58.000 It was punishable by death, wasn't it?

00:15:59.000 Yeah.

00:16:00.000 They used to fuck you up for that.

00:16:01.000 I remember the first time I ever saw a fake $20 bill.

00:16:04.000 I was like, oh wow, this is weird.

00:16:07.000 It's weird.

00:16:08.000 It feels wrong.

00:16:10.000 I don't think you can buy the paper, that's the thing.

00:16:12.000 Isn't that wild?

00:16:13.000 Money is a specific paper, but people bleach bills, and then you can print.

00:16:17.000 You can get the real paper, bleach the bill, and print tens on a one.

00:16:21.000 And you can do that and you can sell bundles of them to people.

00:16:24.000 Oh, no kidding.

00:16:26.000 Yeah.

00:16:26.000 That's what they do?

00:16:27.000 That's what I've heard, yeah.

00:16:28.000 Are you involved in this?

00:16:29.000 No, I just...

00:16:30.000 That's what I've heard.

00:16:30.000 Matt, how long have you been doing this?

00:16:32.000 How long have you been counting?

00:16:32.000 No, I just...

00:16:33.000 I've heard...

00:16:34.000 There's bad...

00:16:35.000 Bad money goes around.

00:16:36.000 People sell it in, like, big chunks.

00:16:38.000 And you can get it in, like...

00:16:39.000 It just seems like if they can make fake Rolexes, how the fuck can they not make fake?

00:16:44.000 Like, you know they have the light they shine on the dollar bills now?

00:16:47.000 Because, like, things embedded in them and stuff?

00:16:49.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:16:50.000 I think the people who are counterfeiting, though, aren't just kind of like...

00:16:53.000 I don't know.

00:16:55.000 You'd have to be so advanced technologically to, like, do that.

00:16:57.000 And if you're able to make money, you could probably do all kinds of other stuff.

00:17:00.000 Yeah, but that's the case with a lot of things that are illegal.

00:17:03.000 It's like there's some industrious people that just go the wrong way in life, but they're really fucking smart.

00:17:09.000 That's true.

00:17:09.000 I think I had some fake mushrooms recently.

00:17:11.000 Oh, there you go.

00:17:13.000 Oh, yeah.

00:17:13.000 Officials say man sued Mr. Clean Magic Erasers while he used, rather, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers to transform $1 bills into hundreds.

00:17:22.000 Magic Erasers?

00:17:24.000 So he erased it and then reprinted over it?

00:17:26.000 Yeah.

00:17:27.000 You're supposed to clean your wall with.

00:17:29.000 And that way you can get, you have the good paper, but then I guess that's why you have those strips, because then you can hold up a strip and be like, that's not a $10 bill, this is a $1 bill.

00:17:36.000 That's a lot of work, man.

00:17:38.000 I wonder how much money you made.

00:17:39.000 You go to jail forever, son.

00:17:42.000 It's the Secret Service.

00:17:43.000 The Secret Service looks into this stuff.

00:17:45.000 Speaking of which, what did they arrest Killer Mike for?

00:17:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:17:48.000 That is one of the most ridiculous.

00:17:49.000 They don't arrest anybody in L.A. You got people literally doing meth in front of people's houses and tents.

00:17:54.000 What did he do?

00:17:55.000 And Killer Mike gets arrested after he wins...

00:17:58.000 Three grams.

00:17:58.000 Yeah.

00:17:59.000 What did he do?

00:18:01.000 Well, of course, the online conspiracy theory is that he criticized Joe Biden.

00:18:05.000 Really?

00:18:06.000 That's the online conspiracy.

00:18:08.000 Of course.

00:18:08.000 I like that.

00:18:09.000 That's a great conspiracy.

00:18:10.000 That is.

00:18:10.000 It's a fun conspiracy.

00:18:12.000 Who the fuck would arrest Killer Mike?

00:18:15.000 What is this misdemeanor?

00:18:16.000 What did he do?

00:18:16.000 Did he have a license plate missing or something?

00:18:18.000 What the fuck did he do that they're...

00:18:21.000 They didn't release Killer Mike to him.

00:18:23.000 They didn't release a charge?

00:18:24.000 We're gonna find out.

00:18:25.000 Killer Mike, I guarantee you didn't do it.

00:18:27.000 Killer Mike?

00:18:27.000 Yeah.

00:18:28.000 You think he did something?

00:18:30.000 He's such a good guy.

00:18:31.000 Killer Mike.

00:18:32.000 As brilliant as he is, that is the name of like a crazy thug.

00:18:36.000 That's not the name of a guy who's like a philosopher.

00:18:39.000 Killer Mike is like a...

00:18:41.000 Killer Mike's not even a creative name.

00:18:43.000 It's like a name that's like the dumb guy in the neighborhood.

00:18:46.000 You're like, oh, that's Killer Mike.

00:18:47.000 The fuck away from that guy.

00:18:50.000 This is an hour ago.

00:18:52.000 He said nothing happened, but this is the official report.

00:18:55.000 He says a physical altercation happened.

00:18:58.000 Oh, okay.

00:19:00.000 And he was then released on a misdemeanor battery and then released on zero bail.

00:19:03.000 Oh, he bitch slapped somebody.

00:19:04.000 Yeah.

00:19:05.000 That kind of rules.

00:19:06.000 That's awesome.

00:19:07.000 But again, in Los Angeles, there's people that are literally pulling knives on sheriffs and being out of jail that day.

00:19:14.000 Yeah.

00:19:14.000 He did what Will Smith did at the award.

00:19:18.000 Literally.

00:19:18.000 At the award.

00:19:18.000 Right.

00:19:19.000 In front of the whole world.

00:19:20.000 And he gets arrested.

00:19:22.000 Yeah, that's bizarre.

00:19:23.000 So, you think it's like post-Will Smith, they've changed the rules?

00:19:25.000 Maybe, maybe, yeah.

00:19:27.000 Whenever celebrities smack each other, you have to step in right away.

00:19:30.000 Might be a new task force for that.

00:19:32.000 Well, it depends on who he smacked, you know?

00:19:34.000 True, that's the question, yeah.

00:19:35.000 Right, if it's somebody we want him to smack, you know, now I'm really irritated.

00:19:39.000 You know, if he smacked Taylor Swift, that would be a real issue.

00:19:42.000 Yeah, you don't put your hands on our queens.

00:19:44.000 Not after last night.

00:19:46.000 Didn't she do well last night?

00:19:48.000 I saw the news.

00:19:48.000 She did a lot in the Grammys.

00:19:50.000 Things are going well for Taylor Swift.

00:19:51.000 I find it so fascinating how many people, for whatever reason, are opposed to it.

00:19:58.000 They don't like that she's so popular.

00:20:00.000 I don't understand it.

00:20:02.000 It's normal.

00:20:02.000 It's normal human behavior.

00:20:04.000 She's ruining the game of football now.

00:20:05.000 I can't watch it.

00:20:07.000 That's the new thing.

00:20:08.000 She has ruined the game of football.

00:20:10.000 I can't even watch it anymore.

00:20:12.000 Because it cuts to her once or twice.

00:20:15.000 During the game, and I see her and I go, motherfucker.

00:20:17.000 Why do you care?

00:20:18.000 No, I don't at all.

00:20:20.000 It's crazy.

00:20:22.000 Although, I will say this.

00:20:23.000 When they're playing against you, when it's your team, and then the camera cuts to Taylor Swift, that's when it builds.

00:20:29.000 You go, that...

00:20:30.000 That makes sense, though.

00:20:32.000 If you have a billionaire just laughing in your face while your team's losing...

00:20:35.000 And their team's incredible.

00:20:36.000 The Chiefs are incredible.

00:20:37.000 And then it cuts to her up there in a box.

00:20:40.000 They were in, like, Buffalo.

00:20:41.000 Everyone's outside freezing.

00:20:43.000 It cuts to them, like...

00:20:45.000 Oh, they're in a perfect heated box?

00:20:47.000 Yeah, I get it.

00:20:47.000 I understand the hatred.

00:20:49.000 I feel like, out of respect, if you're going to see a Buffalo game in January, you should be outside.

00:20:54.000 You've got to get out there.

00:20:54.000 You've got to be in the snow.

00:20:56.000 Out of respect for the players, you'll feel it more.

00:20:58.000 Yeah.

00:20:59.000 Yeah, just bundle up, bitch.

00:21:00.000 Wear some muffins.

00:21:02.000 Fucking mittens and shit.

00:21:03.000 They were giving fans like $20 an hour to go shovel the stadium.

00:21:08.000 Yeah, I saw that.

00:21:09.000 It's incredible.

00:21:10.000 That was a crazy move.

00:21:11.000 That was crazy.

00:21:12.000 I can't believe they did that.

00:21:13.000 I can't believe no one died.

00:21:14.000 They could have easily died.

00:21:15.000 Just drinking and shoveling for $20 an hour.

00:21:18.000 Yeah, my friend Tommy just blacked out behind the wheel of his car shoveling.

00:21:23.000 He crashed his car and fucked himself up.

00:21:26.000 I just laughed at my friend!

00:21:29.000 Snow shovelers and plow truck drivers get so fucked up.

00:21:33.000 When we were in high school, we used to get hired by landscapers in the winter to shovel and they would just feed us beer and weed.

00:21:38.000 We used to get people fucked up and stay up all night in a shovel condom and they give you like 20 bucks an hour and you're just like...

00:21:44.000 What the fuck?

00:21:45.000 When I lived in Boston, we would always, whenever it snowed, me and my friends would go out to places and go, you guys want us to do your thing?

00:21:51.000 We'd negotiate a deal.

00:21:53.000 Do the driveway.

00:21:54.000 This driveway's 30. This driveway's 40. Depending on how big it is.

00:21:57.000 And some of them, you get fucked.

00:21:59.000 Like, some of them, you don't realize the snow's wet.

00:22:01.000 And it's a long-ass driveway.

00:22:02.000 You're an hour and a half in.

00:22:04.000 You're only a quarter way there.

00:22:05.000 You're like, oh, we fucked up, dude.

00:22:07.000 You're underpriced this one.

00:22:09.000 My friend owned a landscaping company and I didn't have a job.

00:22:11.000 I was living with my girlfriend at the time.

00:22:13.000 She was a teacher.

00:22:14.000 I was literally playing Xbox.

00:22:16.000 She was like, you gotta turn it around.

00:22:18.000 I was like, I'm gonna do comedy.

00:22:20.000 She was like, you're doing open mics at the Harrisburg Comedy Zone.

00:22:22.000 I was like, trust me.

00:22:23.000 How old are you?

00:22:24.000 I was probably 25. Four.

00:22:26.000 Oh my god.

00:22:27.000 And then my friend owned a landscaping company, I had zero dollars.

00:22:30.000 I was not working at all.

00:22:31.000 And he was like, come help us shovel.

00:22:33.000 I was like, alright, nice.

00:22:34.000 I was there for ten minutes.

00:22:36.000 Put the shovel down.

00:22:37.000 I was like, bro, I'm going back home.

00:22:39.000 It's grueling.

00:22:40.000 Yeah, I quit immediately.

00:22:41.000 You're out all night, too.

00:22:43.000 Yeah.

00:22:43.000 But you put your beers in the snow.

00:22:46.000 It's kind of nice.

00:22:47.000 That is nice.

00:22:48.000 Oh boy.

00:22:49.000 Just blasted, lifting chunks of snow everywhere.

00:22:52.000 I think I was like four beers in and I was like, I'll just go drink more inside.

00:22:55.000 True.

00:22:56.000 Why the fuck am I out here?

00:22:58.000 I kind of feel bad for kids who grew up without snow.

00:23:01.000 Yeah.

00:23:02.000 That's a fucking pivotal moment in youth.

00:23:04.000 A snow day?

00:23:06.000 Snow days, and then just hanging out with your friends in the snow, and then the quiet.

00:23:11.000 Everything's quiet.

00:23:13.000 When it snows out, it's like you're in a movie.

00:23:16.000 You're outside, it's like...

00:23:17.000 Sorry, my IQ's worn out.

00:23:19.000 It's the best.

00:23:19.000 Nothing.

00:23:19.000 No sound at all.

00:23:22.000 You guys know you got nothing to do?

00:23:25.000 LaMare fell yesterday.

00:23:27.000 I was like, but you couldn't hear him fall.

00:23:29.000 He fell behind us.

00:23:31.000 We were walking into the creek in the cave and he slipped.

00:23:33.000 And I was like, damn, he fell like snow.

00:23:35.000 Like, it was dead silent.

00:23:37.000 We didn't hear him fall.

00:23:39.000 He didn't make a noise.

00:23:40.000 Oh, we got the security footage.

00:23:43.000 I immediately got the security footage.

00:23:45.000 Look at him.

00:23:50.000 You gotta get the other angle.

00:23:52.000 That was fairly graceful.

00:23:53.000 Yeah, I mean he lay there.

00:23:55.000 It seems like there's steps there.

00:23:56.000 Did he fall on steps?

00:23:57.000 He jumped over the curb and he stepped on the bottom of that pole.

00:24:00.000 Oh boy.

00:24:01.000 Boy, it doesn't take a lot to trip in.

00:24:03.000 No.

00:24:04.000 Look at that.

00:24:05.000 Bro, he just goes down.

00:24:07.000 He does go down.

00:24:07.000 You're sitting like snow off of a roof.

00:24:08.000 He couldn't hear a single thing.

00:24:09.000 Bro, he would suck at judo.

00:24:11.000 Don't tell him that, bro.

00:24:12.000 They'd just be tripping him all day long.

00:24:15.000 He prides himself on being nimble, so this is like a real...

00:24:18.000 No, he doesn't.

00:24:19.000 He was very sad about this.

00:24:20.000 Come on, really?

00:24:21.000 Yeah.

00:24:21.000 I mean, everything was nimble before he fell, though.

00:24:24.000 He did like a little hop, like anime jump.

00:24:26.000 Oh my god, you have two angles.

00:24:29.000 Jamie, do you have that wrestling match where that dad attacks the kid?

00:24:32.000 Again, I don't know if I have the right one.

00:24:34.000 Oh, dude.

00:24:36.000 Anyway, Snow Days rule.

00:24:38.000 Yeah, they're nice.

00:24:39.000 Is this the right one that you saw?

00:24:40.000 I don't believe so.

00:24:41.000 Let me see this one.

00:24:41.000 I think it probably had, but no.

00:24:43.000 Damn!

00:24:44.000 Jesus Christ!

00:24:45.000 Oh my God.

00:24:46.000 See, that's what I'm talking about.

00:24:47.000 Look at this fucking guy.

00:24:48.000 He dumped him.

00:24:49.000 Oh, let me see that mugshot.

00:24:51.000 Oh, he threw the kid down on his head.

00:24:55.000 Oh, shit.

00:24:56.000 Wow.

00:24:58.000 Show the mugshot again?

00:24:59.000 That was a good one.

00:25:02.000 I wouldn't have expected that guy to move like that.

00:25:05.000 Yeah, he moved.

00:25:06.000 That guy's nimble.

00:25:07.000 He's got a kid.

00:25:08.000 How much of that do you think is protection of the kid versus like...

00:25:11.000 100%.

00:25:12.000 You think it's all protection?

00:25:13.000 Yeah, he got dumped on his head.

00:25:15.000 See, watch how the kid goes down.

00:25:17.000 The kid goes down head first.

00:25:18.000 It's like a tombstone.

00:25:19.000 See how the ref touches his head?

00:25:21.000 Because he's freaked out?

00:25:22.000 That's a bad landing.

00:25:24.000 Like, you could break your neck like that.

00:25:26.000 You definitely can get a concussion.

00:25:27.000 You might have had a concussion.

00:25:28.000 Goddamn.

00:25:29.000 It's fucked up.

00:25:30.000 That's how Corellin used to beat guys.

00:25:33.000 Corellin used to literally hoist guys up and pound them into the ground.

00:25:38.000 Just pound them over and over and over again.

00:25:41.000 Jesus Christ.

00:25:43.000 It's an illegal move, but that's just a comment.

00:25:45.000 I think it is an illegal move.

00:25:48.000 But also, like, when you're lifting people up and throwing them and they're resisting, wild shit happens.

00:25:52.000 Yeah.

00:25:53.000 But, you know, it does seem like he piledrived him on his head.

00:25:56.000 He seemed like he should have known in the middle of that move that you're not going to...

00:26:00.000 You were talking about a choke or something?

00:26:02.000 Yeah.

00:26:02.000 The kid was apparently doing an illegal choke and the dad jumped in.

00:26:07.000 It's also in that kid's defense.

00:26:09.000 If you have someone up in the air in a wrestling match, it's hard not to slam them in the ground.

00:26:11.000 Anytime you pick anybody up, it's like, oh, I'm going to slam you on the ground as hard as I can.

00:26:15.000 Well, I'm sure there's different rules in young amateur wrestling versus what they would do in the Olympics, but Corellon used to just pile drive people.

00:26:22.000 He just hoists them up, and he was a freak.

00:26:26.000 Dude, there's nothing worse than, like, the only experience I have is, like, football.

00:26:30.000 So it's, like, first play of the game, like, the guy against you just fucks you up.

00:26:34.000 And you're like, damn, this is gonna be...

00:26:35.000 Yeah.

00:26:36.000 It's a long game, dude.

00:26:38.000 I'm gonna get fucked up for two hours.

00:26:40.000 Yeah.

00:26:41.000 Like, wrestling, if a dude slammed you right away, you'd be like, alright.

00:26:43.000 They slam you.

00:26:44.000 What do you fucking call this thing?

00:26:45.000 And in MMA, they start punching you in the face while you're recovering from being slammed.

00:26:51.000 You know?

00:26:51.000 I was looking for it.

00:26:52.000 There's a D'Arche choke pulled off in a wrestling match.

00:26:55.000 Yes, I think that is legit because it's one arm in.

00:26:59.000 I think that's the rule.

00:27:01.000 Oh, we put him out.

00:27:02.000 Damn!

00:27:02.000 Oh, shit.

00:27:03.000 Damn, and he hit him with the fucking...

00:27:04.000 Matt Hughes choked out Ricardo Almeida with a wrestling move where he had a head and arm, like, from the front.

00:27:13.000 And he just, he has such a squeeze that he gripped the head and arm and just put him out.

00:27:17.000 The anaconda squares.

00:27:18.000 And you're just cutting off their carotid, aren't you?

00:27:20.000 Yeah, you're cutting it all off.

00:27:22.000 Oh, God.

00:27:23.000 With Matt.

00:27:24.000 That fucking tank.

00:27:26.000 When he was the welterweight champ, dude, he was a tank.

00:27:29.000 Yeah, that shit sucks, man.

00:27:30.000 And for him to grab your arm and your head together like this, which is basically what he had, he had him on the side with his arm and head together and just squeezed it so hard he went out.

00:27:38.000 I was just watching.

00:27:39.000 Who's the Mongolian guy?

00:27:42.000 Uzbekistani or Kazakhstan?

00:27:45.000 Fuck.

00:27:46.000 He got a standing fucking...

00:27:48.000 Oh, yeah, Rokmanov.

00:27:49.000 Yeah.

00:27:50.000 Shavka.

00:27:51.000 Yeah, he's a beast.

00:27:52.000 I think that's what you're talking about.

00:27:53.000 He had a little brother headlock.

00:27:54.000 Yeah, see how the dad jumps in?

00:27:55.000 Yeah.

00:27:56.000 So the kid's on his back, and he rolls him over, and it looks like the kid's got a choke, but I can't tell if he's got an arm in it.

00:28:04.000 Damn.

00:28:04.000 He does have an arm in.

00:28:06.000 He does have an arm in.

00:28:07.000 He did have an arm in.

00:28:08.000 He's like, my bad, my bad, that's my bad.

00:28:11.000 Yeah, he's banned for life.

00:28:12.000 That is it.

00:28:13.000 He's banned for life.

00:28:14.000 Now, I don't know what the rules are, but it does look like the kid has an arm in.

00:28:18.000 He has an arm in.

00:28:19.000 See as they roll over?

00:28:20.000 See how his arm is under the arm?

00:28:24.000 Look at that fucking walrus ref, dude.

00:28:27.000 Yeah, man.

00:28:27.000 Poor guy.

00:28:28.000 No, he looks like, yeah, diabetes.

00:28:32.000 That is a weird situation.

00:28:37.000 But, you know, dads fucking lose their cool.

00:28:39.000 Yeah, well, there's also, like, when you're watching your kid, wrestling and combat's different, but, like, if you're watching your kid suck at, like, basketball or football, then you're, like, taking that personally, because that kid's supposed to, like, carry you on.

00:28:51.000 Yeah, this is your legacy.

00:28:52.000 It's also like that at the fucking dog park.

00:28:55.000 Oh my god.

00:28:56.000 If your dogs are playing and a dog loses, people jump in.

00:28:58.000 Yeah.

00:28:58.000 My sister jumped in.

00:29:00.000 Yeah.

00:29:01.000 Her dog was losing and she like jumped into the mud.

00:29:04.000 I've punched dogs at dog parks.

00:29:05.000 I've had a dog grab my dog by the neck and I just...

00:29:08.000 Some people bring aggressive dogs to dog parks.

00:29:11.000 It's just not wise.

00:29:12.000 I didn't know.

00:29:13.000 I didn't know what they were.

00:29:14.000 When my dog was a puppy, I used to bring him to dog parks.

00:29:19.000 He started fighting with dogs.

00:29:20.000 He liked it too much.

00:29:21.000 I'm like, no more.

00:29:22.000 I brought Nikita to dog parks and those things are nasty.

00:29:27.000 You can't discourage that either.

00:29:28.000 It's a weird thing.

00:29:29.000 The dog fighting thing, unless you're a professional trainer and you're with that dog all the time, Like, you gotta be with that dog, and you gotta really do a really good job, if it's an aggressive dog, of getting them around, socializing them with other dogs, because they just fucking dominate each other.

00:29:46.000 Yeah.

00:29:46.000 It's just natural with dogs.

00:29:48.000 Yeah, they do.

00:29:49.000 They bow up on each other.

00:29:50.000 Bow up.

00:29:51.000 They start growling like, God damn it.

00:29:53.000 Everyone has a different tolerance threshold, too, because you go to the dog park, some people want them to get a little rough, and some people are like, not at all rough.

00:30:00.000 Exactly.

00:30:01.000 Well, if you're a woman and you got a poodle, you know, what the fuck?

00:30:04.000 Don't bring that thing around.

00:30:05.000 Poodles are working breed.

00:30:08.000 A big poodle.

00:30:09.000 A real big one.

00:30:09.000 A big poodle, yeah.

00:30:10.000 Those things are nasty.

00:30:10.000 What are they doing?

00:30:11.000 They're big.

00:30:12.000 A big poodle.

00:30:12.000 What do they work on?

00:30:13.000 Bird hunting, probably.

00:30:15.000 Poodles?

00:30:15.000 Yeah, poodles are bird hunters.

00:30:17.000 Is that what they are?

00:30:17.000 I'm pretty sure.

00:30:18.000 A big poodle.

00:30:19.000 Not a little...

00:30:19.000 You're like a little toy.

00:30:21.000 Yeah.

00:30:22.000 I've heard they're actually good watchdogs, the big poodles.

00:30:24.000 Dude, I'm telling you, the big poodles are not...

00:30:25.000 Everything the French do is so good.

00:30:27.000 I was a dog walker, dude.

00:30:28.000 Every single thing, dude.

00:30:29.000 Imagine being like an aristocrat with a poodle.

00:30:31.000 Dude, they're sexual dogs, too.

00:30:33.000 Everything the French do is sexual.

00:30:35.000 Poodles are very sexual.

00:30:36.000 I used to dog walk, and I had a big black poodle I walked, and he tried to fuck me the whole time.

00:30:40.000 That was you, dude.

00:30:41.000 You were just looking at him like a good poodle.

00:30:43.000 Poodle originated in Germany in the Middle Ages.

00:30:46.000 A dog similar to today's standard poodle, the poodle's Germany's water dog, just as England had the English water spaniel, French had the barbet, and Ireland had the Irish water spaniel.

00:30:56.000 And the Netherlands, the Westerhund, among the evidence used to support this theory is the Germanic name for the breed Poodle or Pudel in German, which is derived from the low German word Poodlen,

00:31:13.000 meaning to splash, water dog.

00:31:16.000 Numerous works by...

00:31:17.000 It makes sense that they have that hair.

00:31:18.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:31:20.000 It says right there, ancestors were widely used by water followers to both retrieve shot game and to recover lost arrows and bolts that had missed their mark.

00:31:28.000 Wow, they chased down...

00:31:29.000 How high were you when you hit the poodle Wikipedia?

00:31:34.000 You were like, yo, they're poodles of water dogs.

00:31:38.000 They were surprising me.

00:31:39.000 I kept seeing them in the wild and they kept surprising me.

00:31:41.000 I'm like, dude, these guys are not bullsies.

00:31:43.000 Yeah, they fly, dude.

00:31:43.000 They're athletic canines.

00:31:44.000 They're motherfuckers, dude.

00:31:46.000 But then you start doing this bullshit to them.

00:31:48.000 That's a mockery, dude.

00:31:49.000 I hate that, man.

00:31:50.000 Why do they do that?

00:31:51.000 That's what women want to do to us, dude.

00:31:53.000 That's what they want to do to us.

00:31:54.000 That's what they're doing to us right now.

00:31:57.000 They are doing it.

00:31:58.000 That's what they want to do to us.

00:32:00.000 We're getting away with it.

00:32:01.000 No, man.

00:32:01.000 We've got to be pooting.

00:32:02.000 There's a bunch of scared guys and Andrew Tate.

00:32:06.000 There's only one man left, dude.

00:32:08.000 It's Tate.

00:32:12.000 He's a Muslim now.

00:32:13.000 Only Tate can save us, bro.

00:32:15.000 I know, man.

00:32:16.000 Top G. He is the top G. Out of jail.

00:32:19.000 Yeah, he's doing supercar reviews on YouTube.

00:32:22.000 It's hilarious.

00:32:23.000 That's tight.

00:32:24.000 And I don't think it's under the name Andrew Tate, but it is him.

00:32:28.000 Yeah?

00:32:28.000 You know, probably because they would ban him from YouTube.

00:32:31.000 Right away.

00:32:31.000 Oh, shit.

00:32:32.000 He can't get onto anything, yeah.

00:32:33.000 Yeah, but it's him.

00:32:34.000 Why are they baring him?

00:32:35.000 He reviewed a Maserati.

00:32:37.000 It was a pretty funny review.

00:32:38.000 Why are they banning him?

00:32:39.000 Let me tell you about the Matrix, my friend.

00:32:42.000 Why are they banning that guy?

00:32:43.000 He seems fine.

00:32:44.000 I mean, in Romania, he's under allegations of a rape charge.

00:32:49.000 Sexual trafficking.

00:32:51.000 Yeah, and if you...

00:32:52.000 Trafficking's weird, too, because if you, like...

00:32:55.000 If I trick you into crossing state lines and then you get plowed, I've trafficked you.

00:32:59.000 But if I'm like, you're about to get plowed, and you get in my car and you get plowed, you're fine.

00:33:05.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:33:05.000 Yeah.

00:33:06.000 I've been tricked across state lines.

00:33:09.000 Okay, so he does have one.

00:33:12.000 It says the Cobra Mind.

00:33:13.000 Yeah, it's his channel probably.

00:33:15.000 Okay, so there was another channel.

00:33:16.000 Maybe they were appropriating his content.

00:33:18.000 Maybe that's what it is.

00:33:19.000 Likely.

00:33:19.000 Most likely, yeah.

00:33:22.000 He's the most Googled man in the world.

00:33:24.000 It's funny to have a cobra's mind.

00:33:25.000 Is there a dumb fucking animal?

00:33:28.000 I know, right?

00:33:29.000 But he's a smart-ass dude, man.

00:33:31.000 Regardless of what he thinks about some of the things he said about women, the fucking intelligence of that, the whole thing that he did with getting people to TikTok his stuff and go viral.

00:33:44.000 Yeah, he was fucking a genius at that.

00:33:47.000 Yeah, my 12-year-old was asking me about him.

00:33:49.000 Really?

00:33:50.000 Yeah.

00:33:51.000 What'd you say?

00:33:51.000 You said, that's the top G, baby.

00:33:53.000 Well, I mean, I said what I know about him.

00:33:56.000 I said he was a legit kickboxer.

00:33:58.000 I knew him as a kickboxer before I ever knew him.

00:34:00.000 Oh, wait, I didn't know he was like...

00:34:01.000 Oh, he was legit.

00:34:02.000 Oh, really?

00:34:02.000 Yeah, he's a legit kickboxer.

00:34:04.000 Very good kickboxer.

00:34:06.000 Yeah, he fought on Infusion a bunch of times.

00:34:09.000 Infusion was a kickboxing card from...

00:34:14.000 God, I'm not sure where.

00:34:15.000 I think it's from the UK. Sorry.

00:34:17.000 Thanks, man.

00:34:18.000 My friend Vinnie Shorman used to do commentary for it.

00:34:22.000 He was nice.

00:34:24.000 Yeah, he was a good fighter.

00:34:25.000 Solid fighter.

00:34:26.000 Really good fighter.

00:34:26.000 I'm sorry, do you have a tissue, man?

00:34:28.000 My allergies are going crazy.

00:34:29.000 Yeah, my allergies picked up today.

00:34:31.000 Going crazy.

00:34:31.000 Sorry about that.

00:34:32.000 We're finding out the negative parts of living here in Austin.

00:34:36.000 See your fever, baby.

00:34:37.000 That's what they call it.

00:34:38.000 It's already January.

00:34:39.000 I mean, this is...

00:34:40.000 It's already been going on, yeah.

00:34:42.000 How long does this go?

00:34:44.000 Depends on who gets it.

00:34:45.000 I get it bad, dude.

00:34:47.000 Do you?

00:34:47.000 Yeah.

00:34:48.000 I don't get it at all.

00:34:49.000 Well, you're Top G. You're Top G. Yeah, everybody keeps telling me, one day you're going to get it.

00:34:56.000 I'm like, okay.

00:34:57.000 Nah, you won't get it, man.

00:34:58.000 Fuck that.

00:34:58.000 I did one year though.

00:35:00.000 I had my throat was really sore.

00:35:02.000 I was like, this is weird.

00:35:03.000 What'd you do?

00:35:04.000 Lasted a long time.

00:35:05.000 So nothing!

00:35:06.000 Allergies can make you like sick.

00:35:08.000 You didn't know it.

00:35:08.000 And it comes back.

00:35:09.000 Yeah, that's what got me.

00:35:10.000 Yeah, you feel like you have a cold.

00:35:12.000 So I think I did have a reaction one year to one particular thing that was in the air.

00:35:18.000 Yeah.

00:35:18.000 Where I was like, what the fuck is going on?

00:35:19.000 This is a weird cold.

00:35:21.000 Because it didn't feel like I was sick.

00:35:22.000 It doesn't go away.

00:35:23.000 Also, it was a while.

00:35:24.000 It was a couple of weeks.

00:35:25.000 Jamie's dog stuck his tongue in my mouth, so maybe I'm allergic to dog saliva.

00:35:29.000 You sure?

00:35:29.000 Maybe.

00:35:30.000 Oh, damn, you're allergic to Carl.

00:35:32.000 How could you be allergic to Carl?

00:35:33.000 I might be allergic to bulldogs.

00:35:34.000 Oh, are you allergic to dogs?

00:35:35.000 No, not at all.

00:35:36.000 But I've never had one put his tongue in my mouth, so I never...

00:35:39.000 Your eyes are closing.

00:35:39.000 Yeah, but your eyes are...

00:35:40.000 You've got an allergic reaction?

00:35:42.000 Yeah, his dog...

00:35:42.000 Are you sure you're not allergic to dogs?

00:35:44.000 I think I might be now.

00:35:45.000 Do you have a dog?

00:35:46.000 Yeah, I have two.

00:35:47.000 But they've never put their tongue in my mouth.

00:35:49.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:35:49.000 Like cat allergies.

00:35:50.000 You were making out with Carl.

00:35:53.000 I was, right?

00:35:54.000 Check out his face.

00:35:55.000 I'm having an allergic fucking reaction.

00:35:56.000 Look at Matt's face.

00:35:58.000 It'll go away.

00:35:58.000 I'm also on steroids to get my voice back.

00:36:00.000 So my body's all fucked up.

00:36:01.000 Oh, you're on Roy's and you kiss the dog?

00:36:03.000 Yeah, dude.

00:36:04.000 You're fine, dude.

00:36:05.000 The show has to go on.

00:36:07.000 My eye is just sorry.

00:36:08.000 I'm so sorry to make this all about me, dude.

00:36:11.000 I just freaked out.

00:36:13.000 You're on steroids to get your voice back?

00:36:15.000 I lost my voice, yeah.

00:36:17.000 For how long?

00:36:18.000 I've been losing it.

00:36:19.000 I've been doing shows and I lose it every show.

00:36:21.000 So then I took the prednisone all weekend because I literally had zero voice.

00:36:26.000 Maybe there's a better way to talk.

00:36:29.000 Have you ever gone to, like, a vocal coach?

00:36:30.000 No.

00:36:31.000 Because, you know, Be Real from Cypress Hill?

00:36:34.000 Yeah.

00:36:34.000 He told me he went to a vocal coach.

00:36:35.000 I might go.

00:36:36.000 Because, you know, he's got that...

00:36:37.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:36:39.000 He's got that very specific style.

00:36:40.000 He learned how to, like, use his...

00:36:42.000 So he didn't burn his voice out.

00:36:44.000 I also sing in my car at full blast.

00:36:46.000 I've got to stop doing that.

00:36:47.000 I've got to stop doing that.

00:36:50.000 That's what it is.

00:36:50.000 What are you singing?

00:36:51.000 It's like living on a prayer.

00:36:52.000 You're nice to sing it.

00:36:53.000 I can't help it.

00:36:54.000 What?

00:36:55.000 Amazing!

00:36:56.000 I can't help it.

00:36:57.000 We might have watched it here when Matt sang at the holiday party at the mothership.

00:37:01.000 Oh, yeah.

00:37:01.000 Yeah.

00:37:03.000 What did you sing?

00:37:03.000 I forget.

00:37:04.000 Unchained Melody.

00:37:06.000 We watched from the balcony.

00:37:08.000 It was incredible.

00:37:09.000 Me and my wife were fighting and then we both had karaoke songs come up and I'm like, we don't have time for this, let's go sing our karaoke.

00:37:16.000 Then we made up.

00:37:17.000 It was nice.

00:37:17.000 That's hilarious.

00:37:19.000 Made up with karaoke.

00:37:21.000 Your eyes seem like they're getting better.

00:37:23.000 They are.

00:37:23.000 It's going to happen to me.

00:37:24.000 I think it's the dog.

00:37:26.000 You just probably...

00:37:27.000 It's always in your...

00:37:28.000 You had to blow your nose.

00:37:29.000 I did.

00:37:30.000 It was someone who was in my nose.

00:37:30.000 You got a kennel cough.

00:37:33.000 That's a new dog, dude.

00:37:34.000 You got a fucking weird dog disease.

00:37:36.000 My body will fight it off.

00:37:37.000 Hopefully.

00:37:38.000 My body will fight it off.

00:37:39.000 So far, it's losing.

00:37:40.000 No, this is a healthy immune response.

00:37:42.000 This is a healthy immune response.

00:37:43.000 So what kind of steroids does it put you on for your throat?

00:37:45.000 Pregnizone.

00:37:46.000 Oh, okay.

00:37:47.000 Yeah.

00:37:47.000 Makes you feel weird, man.

00:37:48.000 A friend of mine had that for gout.

00:37:50.000 He had gout.

00:37:51.000 Pregnizone's like a wonder drug.

00:37:52.000 Yeah, it works for poison ivy.

00:37:54.000 Pretty tight, yeah.

00:37:55.000 So did it fix it?

00:37:56.000 Yeah, I mean, yeah.

00:37:57.000 I couldn't talk.

00:37:58.000 Like, I had no voice.

00:38:00.000 And it powered me through my last three shows, so I was like...

00:38:02.000 Were you trying to use your voice in the car singing even though you had no voice?

00:38:07.000 Were you pushing it?

00:38:07.000 A little bit.

00:38:08.000 I did it today.

00:38:09.000 Oh, no!

00:38:10.000 You did it today?

00:38:10.000 What'd you sing today?

00:38:11.000 I did a couple bars, dude.

00:38:13.000 What'd you sing?

00:38:15.000 What'd you sing, dude?

00:38:16.000 Everybody's talking by...

00:38:18.000 Harry Nielsen.

00:38:21.000 Oh, boy.

00:38:22.000 I know.

00:38:22.000 I'm such a dickhead.

00:38:23.000 I can't, I can't help it.

00:38:25.000 I can't help it.

00:38:26.000 It hits me right in the soul, dude.

00:38:27.000 I'm like, I gotta get it out.

00:38:28.000 You gotta sing.

00:38:29.000 I have to sing.

00:38:30.000 Do you ever go like Axl Rose?

00:38:31.000 Do you ever really fuck your voice up?

00:38:33.000 No, I'll fuck my voice.

00:38:33.000 You try to hit those notes.

00:38:35.000 That's not in my register.

00:38:36.000 Axl Rose.

00:38:37.000 Welcome to the jungle!

00:38:38.000 I can't do the screams.

00:38:39.000 That'll fuck your voice up, man.

00:38:42.000 That'll fuck your voice up, man.

00:38:44.000 Yeah, but you know, it is what it is.

00:38:45.000 It'll come back eventually.

00:38:46.000 I've had this problem for like three weeks straight.

00:38:50.000 Dude, don't.

00:38:51.000 Dude, Jamie.

00:38:52.000 People can't talk in there.

00:38:56.000 Matt, bless us.

00:38:57.000 Can you hear me?

00:39:00.000 Only the echoes of my mind.

00:39:03.000 Dude, I'm going to lose my voice.

00:39:04.000 Let's go, Matt.

00:39:07.000 People stopping staring.

00:39:11.000 I can't see their faces.

00:39:14.000 Dude, what are you doing?

00:39:15.000 Hold me the shadows of their eyes.

00:39:18.000 Alright, I'm done.

00:39:19.000 You've changed since you kissed that dog, dude.

00:39:21.000 You're singing?

00:39:22.000 I'm a singer now.

00:39:23.000 Dude, you know the thing T-Pain did where he went on stage and just carried over?

00:39:26.000 I might do that.

00:39:28.000 At the end of the show, you should sing.

00:39:29.000 T-Pain did his own songs, too.

00:39:32.000 He did a live performance where he had a full band behind him, did his own songs, and then just covered a bunch of songs, and then put them out on Instagram.

00:39:39.000 I'm like, dude, I might just start becoming a professional singer.

00:39:42.000 Fuck that.

00:39:44.000 You should sing at the end of your show.

00:39:46.000 People would love that.

00:39:47.000 That's a good idea, dude.

00:39:48.000 There was a guy named Barry Dunn.

00:39:50.000 Fuck, good call.

00:39:51.000 There was a guy named Barry Diamond.

00:39:52.000 He used to perform at the Comedy Store.

00:39:54.000 And a funny comic.

00:39:56.000 He was in that movie Bachelor Party with Tom Hanks.

00:40:00.000 Oh, nice.

00:40:01.000 So anyway, he would open up his set by singing Walking in Memphis.

00:40:05.000 Really?

00:40:06.000 And you didn't know what was going on.

00:40:07.000 He did the whole song.

00:40:08.000 That's funny.

00:40:08.000 Dude, Walking in Memphis.

00:40:09.000 Because he had a great voice.

00:40:10.000 So he'd be singing it, and then he would go into his act.

00:40:15.000 Pretty tight.

00:40:16.000 I had to sing one time.

00:40:17.000 That's crazy.

00:40:18.000 Remember the comedy show I did?

00:40:19.000 It was a little crazy.

00:40:20.000 What?

00:40:20.000 I got booked for a private comedy show way, way, way long ago for...

00:40:24.000 It was like the American...

00:40:26.000 I swear to God, I think it was like Survivor...

00:40:28.000 Not the Survivors of the Holocaust.

00:40:29.000 It was like an old Jewish thing.

00:40:30.000 Jesus.

00:40:31.000 He sang at the Survivors of the Holocaust's benefits.

00:40:33.000 It was like some sort of ancient Jewish people.

00:40:36.000 It was ancient Jewish people when I bombed so bad.

00:40:39.000 Here's Barry Diamond.

00:40:42.000 It's so nice.

00:40:43.000 This is going to be you, dude.

00:40:46.000 I'll...

00:40:46.000 Dude.

00:40:47.000 Why don't you look down?

00:40:50.000 So nice.

00:40:53.000 You gotta end with this though, this is crazy.

00:40:57.000 He's incredible.

00:40:58.000 Yeah.

00:41:04.000 I mean, how do you follow that?

00:41:06.000 In the OR. And he would just go into comedy.

00:41:08.000 But he was like real silly as a comedian.

00:41:10.000 So it was funny to watch him go from that to like silly comedy.

00:41:14.000 What was the benefit you did?

00:41:16.000 It was like some sort of old Jewish foundation.

00:41:19.000 I don't know what it was called, but I bombed.

00:41:21.000 The media?

00:41:22.000 I was standing at it.

00:41:22.000 The what?

00:41:25.000 I was standing.

00:41:26.000 The central bank.

00:41:29.000 No, I'm joking.

00:41:29.000 I'm not anti-Semitic at all.

00:41:31.000 I was standing up at a podium to do stand-up in a hotel.

00:41:36.000 I thought Jamie said that.

00:41:38.000 Jamie said that.

00:41:38.000 I can't believe Jamie said that.

00:41:39.000 Dude, I was standing up at a podium to do stand-up, and I was like 25. And I bombed so bad, I was like, you guys don't like this at all.

00:41:46.000 And they were like, no.

00:41:48.000 And I was like, what do you guys want me to do?

00:41:49.000 And like, sing us a song.

00:41:50.000 I had to just sing.

00:41:51.000 I just sang them a song for a while.

00:41:53.000 I got like 175 bucks.

00:41:55.000 Thank God.

00:41:56.000 Do you remember that bachelor party we did?

00:41:58.000 What song did you sing?

00:42:00.000 Hell is for the way you look at me, that song.

00:42:02.000 They asked for that one?

00:42:03.000 No, that was the only one I knew.

00:42:05.000 I just let them have it.

00:42:07.000 Did they like that?

00:42:08.000 They were pleased.

00:42:09.000 I can say factually those old Jews were pleased.

00:42:13.000 Tap dancing for them.

00:42:15.000 That's great.

00:42:16.000 Bombing so bad, you have to be like, alright, what's a different performance?

00:42:20.000 You guys hate this.

00:42:20.000 What other art form do you guys like?

00:42:23.000 Just think about the power of dance.

00:42:28.000 That's wild.

00:42:29.000 To change genres in the middle of it.

00:42:31.000 I had to switch it up on us.

00:42:33.000 I hate the early days.

00:42:34.000 Just switch to mime.

00:42:36.000 Just switch straight to miming.

00:42:37.000 Miming's hilarious.

00:42:39.000 I know magic.

00:42:41.000 Magic rules.

00:42:43.000 I can juggle.

00:42:43.000 You can't follow magic.

00:42:45.000 How do you follow magic?

00:42:47.000 How do you follow magic?

00:42:48.000 You know the worst kind of comedy to follow is musical comedy.

00:42:51.000 Yeah, that'd be tough.

00:42:52.000 If somebody does funny songs, you're fucking doomed.

00:42:56.000 You're doomed, son.

00:42:57.000 And it's frustrating, because a lot of times a funny song is just like an average joke, but somebody's playing a guitar with it.

00:43:02.000 There was a guy that was a legend in New England who used to do dirty jokes.

00:43:07.000 He used to be on Dr. Demento all the time.

00:43:10.000 But he used to do dirty...

00:43:11.000 God, I can't remember his name.

00:43:13.000 But he was like a famous guy who did like dirty songs.

00:43:18.000 And he would fucking sell out everywhere.

00:43:20.000 Yeah.

00:43:21.000 It's funny.

00:43:21.000 That's awesome.

00:43:22.000 And if you did a show with him, you could never go on after him.

00:43:24.000 You were doomed.

00:43:25.000 Yeah.

00:43:25.000 You were fucking doomed.

00:43:27.000 You were gonna bomb.

00:43:27.000 Can you imagine if you had to follow, like, Wheeler Walker Jr.?

00:43:30.000 Oh, my God.

00:43:31.000 Yeah.

00:43:31.000 No chance.

00:43:32.000 Yeah, because it's two things going on.

00:43:34.000 It's funny, and there's music.

00:43:35.000 And he's good.

00:43:36.000 Yeah.

00:43:36.000 Yeah, he's good.

00:43:37.000 There's funny.

00:43:38.000 There's music.

00:43:39.000 Yeah.

00:43:39.000 It's hilarious.

00:43:41.000 You could repeat it.

00:43:42.000 It's still funny.

00:43:43.000 It also, like...

00:43:45.000 Joins a crowd together differently, too.

00:43:47.000 Yeah.

00:43:47.000 If you just play music, the whole crowd kind of congeals into the same.

00:43:50.000 Totally different vibe.

00:43:50.000 You go see a good concert, it's like you're fucking in tune with everybody, you know?

00:43:54.000 A really good concert when someone's killing it.

00:43:56.000 Yeah.

00:43:57.000 And someone comes on, they're like, oh, I'm fucking jerking off.

00:43:59.000 And you're like...

00:44:00.000 You guys ever jack off?

00:44:01.000 Yeah.

00:44:02.000 Shit.

00:44:04.000 Shit!

00:44:05.000 Just straight into it.

00:44:08.000 So my girlfriend broke up with me.

00:44:10.000 My girlfriend's a bitch.

00:44:12.000 You guys jack off?

00:44:13.000 Fuck.

00:44:15.000 Fuck, I'll sing.

00:44:16.000 Anyway.

00:44:21.000 That's actually extremely funny.

00:44:24.000 To hit the eject in the middle of a comedy set, just hit the eject button and start singing.

00:44:28.000 They were visibly disproved.

00:44:31.000 They're old as hell.

00:44:33.000 The shows you do when you're starting is...

00:44:35.000 Me and him did a...

00:44:36.000 Oh, God.

00:44:37.000 They hired...

00:44:37.000 Helium hired us to do a bachelor party.

00:44:40.000 Me and Matt just stood in front of a table of, like, nothing.

00:44:44.000 We went to a restaurant with the bachelor party.

00:44:47.000 And in the middle of dinner, they were like, alright, comedy.

00:44:49.000 We stood at the head of the table.

00:44:52.000 For like 10 people.

00:44:53.000 Oh my god.

00:44:55.000 It was fucking crazy.

00:44:55.000 And it was like a sober bachelor party.

00:44:57.000 Oh no!

00:44:59.000 That's what everyone said!

00:45:00.000 We had just started doing comedy.

00:45:02.000 We were bad at comedy.

00:45:04.000 Oh no.

00:45:04.000 And I just did just material.

00:45:06.000 I went up there and did like straight 10 minutes of no mic material.

00:45:10.000 Just flatline.

00:45:11.000 I think Shane looked at me like...

00:45:15.000 I tagged you.

00:45:16.000 I was like, let's both do it.

00:45:17.000 I'll help.

00:45:17.000 I was dying, dude.

00:45:19.000 And then, yeah, you went up and just did the sensible thing of talking and figuring out what's up with them.

00:45:23.000 Yeah, I was like, this is weird.

00:45:24.000 Why are we doing this?

00:45:25.000 Why the fuck would you guys hire me and Matt to humiliate ourselves?

00:45:30.000 I did a black lady Mother's Day show in North Philly.

00:45:36.000 This guy just hired me to do comedy in front of a brunch for just, for real, like 14 black ladies for Mother's Day.

00:45:45.000 Same thing.

00:45:46.000 I just stood at the head of the table.

00:45:48.000 It was crazy.

00:45:49.000 Just died.

00:45:51.000 And they were just being very nice.

00:45:53.000 They're like, you're doing great.

00:45:54.000 That's kind of cool.

00:45:55.000 In the middle of just a Mother's Day brunch.

00:45:57.000 Would you switch stuff up at all?

00:45:59.000 Oh no.

00:46:03.000 I was like, you guys like racism?

00:46:06.000 That's all I got.

00:46:07.000 I got one pitch.

00:46:09.000 Alright, that's a ball.

00:46:12.000 Yeah, those shows are very fun, though.

00:46:14.000 They teach you something, though.

00:46:17.000 What other art forms allow you to start out like that?

00:46:20.000 Where you realize there's no real structure to this at all.

00:46:24.000 In terms of how you can make money doing it.

00:46:27.000 How do you become a professional?

00:46:29.000 I mean, look, you guys are both like legit professionals now, and you started that way.

00:46:34.000 I did too.

00:46:35.000 Yeah, that's how it starts.

00:46:36.000 I did bachelor parties with no microphones.

00:46:39.000 Really?

00:46:40.000 Yeah, I did a couple of them.

00:46:41.000 Crazy.

00:46:41.000 Yeah, they're terrible.

00:46:42.000 It's hell.

00:46:44.000 I just figured out how it worked like three years ago.

00:46:46.000 I didn't know.

00:46:46.000 I thought for real.

00:46:47.000 I was like, you'll just do it.

00:46:48.000 And then someone would be like, here's a bunch of money.

00:46:49.000 I was like, no, you have to like sell tickets.

00:46:51.000 Bro, people still do corporate gigs.

00:46:54.000 They shouldn't do corporate gigs.

00:46:56.000 I ran into Adam Sandler at the airport.

00:46:59.000 And I was like, what's up?

00:47:00.000 What are you doing?

00:47:00.000 He's like, dude, I just did the worst fucking gig of my life.

00:47:03.000 Really?

00:47:04.000 Because I popped so hard.

00:47:05.000 He's just ripping corporates?

00:47:06.000 He's so bad.

00:47:06.000 He just...

00:47:07.000 They just paid him a lot of money to do this thing.

00:47:09.000 Yeah, true.

00:47:10.000 But he was laughing about it.

00:47:11.000 He's like, oh my god, it was terrible.

00:47:14.000 I bombed this week.

00:47:17.000 I bombed in the Little Boy.

00:47:19.000 Oh no.

00:47:20.000 I bombed so badly that I had people there with me.

00:47:22.000 We were going to go do something after.

00:47:24.000 And I was like, I'm going to do one show and then we'll go.

00:47:26.000 I stayed.

00:47:27.000 I was like, I got to stay for the late show.

00:47:29.000 You have to redeem yourself?

00:47:30.000 I did so.

00:47:30.000 I sweat.

00:47:31.000 I was sweating.

00:47:33.000 I bombed so fucking bad that I was sweating.

00:47:36.000 I was like, what is happening?

00:47:38.000 I sat on the balcony with Adam Eget and like, I was like, I gotta change everything.

00:47:43.000 The Late Show was fun.

00:47:45.000 Those are fucking good for you.

00:47:46.000 They are, dude.

00:47:47.000 Some of my best moments in my comedy has been after really bad sets because then I just like really focus.

00:47:54.000 Go, God, I've been fucking up.

00:47:56.000 Something's wrong.

00:47:57.000 Obviously did something wrong.

00:47:58.000 Yeah.

00:47:59.000 I haven't done new material in a while.

00:48:01.000 I had to.

00:48:02.000 After that first show, I was like, alright, new jokes.

00:48:05.000 And it worked.

00:48:06.000 It was nice.

00:48:07.000 Oh, yeah, you did some refreshers.

00:48:10.000 Comedy is just a wild fucking thing, isn't it?

00:48:13.000 Nobody can tell you how to do it.

00:48:14.000 Nobody knows exactly how you should do it.

00:48:16.000 And it's embarrassing.

00:48:17.000 Bombs are good.

00:48:19.000 Bombs are good.

00:48:20.000 Bombing at a Mother's Day and then walking outside and it's 1pm.

00:48:24.000 That's tough.

00:48:25.000 Dude, when you walk outside and it's still sunny after you bomb, it's crazy.

00:48:29.000 And you're in North Philly.

00:48:31.000 What the fuck am I doing with my life?

00:48:34.000 And you're thinking about your future.

00:48:36.000 Yeah.

00:48:36.000 Because your future is not a given.

00:48:39.000 There's a lot of guys we started out with that are gone.

00:48:41.000 Yeah.

00:48:42.000 Oh yeah, no.

00:48:43.000 Well it's also, that's the thing about comedy is where it's like with bombing.

00:48:47.000 Like, good comics will be like, yeah, you need that.

00:48:50.000 Yeah.

00:48:50.000 So then there's guys that are just fucking bombing.

00:48:53.000 True.

00:48:53.000 And they're like, this is part of the...

00:48:55.000 All part of the process.

00:48:56.000 Yeah.

00:48:57.000 It keeps them around.

00:48:58.000 I bomb them.

00:48:59.000 I do like the dudes who bomb every fucking time.

00:49:02.000 They don't give a fuck, dude.

00:49:03.000 It's kind of tight.

00:49:04.000 I mean, it's admirable.

00:49:05.000 There's bros that bomb for 10 straight years.

00:49:07.000 Yeah, that's not good.

00:49:09.000 There's a lot of fighters like that, too.

00:49:11.000 They just always get knocked out.

00:49:13.000 Yeah, that's not good.

00:49:14.000 You should find another thing to do.

00:49:15.000 Yeah, true.

00:49:16.000 Or you're just not going to be good at anything.

00:49:17.000 That's also possible.

00:49:19.000 There's certain people that just never get good at anything.

00:49:22.000 Get their thing, yeah.

00:49:23.000 Whatever it is, no matter what it is, they just lack something.

00:49:27.000 That's fucking rough.

00:49:28.000 That's rough.

00:49:28.000 You're like, maybe I'll play video games if you just get fucking murdered.

00:49:32.000 They're really good at leaving comments on YouTube.

00:49:35.000 They actually are good at that, and I'll tell you what, those work.

00:49:38.000 Those are effective.

00:49:40.000 Yeah, those dudes will absolutely shred you.

00:49:42.000 Fuck a week up for me.

00:49:44.000 Yeah.

00:49:45.000 I try to do a thing where I'm like, I understand your feeling.

00:49:48.000 In my head, I'll be like, he's just very upset right now.

00:49:50.000 But yeah, they'll get you thinking, like, it's not a thing.

00:49:53.000 Yeah, that's a bad...

00:49:55.000 Although they're like a part of the whole YouTube ecosystem.

00:49:59.000 Or like if you catch enough bad ones, sometimes you go, maybe I can think about something.

00:50:03.000 Yeah, maybe I am an asshole.

00:50:04.000 Maybe I'll think about something.

00:50:05.000 Or, you know, I don't know, it's tough.

00:50:07.000 Because you don't want to be like, nobody can tell me shit.

00:50:10.000 But then sometimes you'll read them and you're like, I don't have to deal with this right now.

00:50:14.000 The thing is, you don't know who you're talking to.

00:50:16.000 You don't know who you're talking to.

00:50:17.000 You could be talking to the biggest fucking moron that works at 7-Eleven.

00:50:20.000 You could be talking to the biggest moron.

00:50:22.000 Of course.

00:50:23.000 And it's just like, you're like, fuck you, that's so true.

00:50:26.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:50:27.000 It's just a waste of time.

00:50:28.000 It's a total waste of time.

00:50:29.000 Just the numbers you're dealing with.

00:50:31.000 Just the sheer volume of people.

00:50:33.000 Even if you're just reasonably successful.

00:50:35.000 I mean, you don't even have to be regular.

00:50:37.000 Yeah.

00:50:37.000 I mean, you don't even have to be like a headliner.

00:50:39.000 You could be just like a middle act that has a career.

00:50:42.000 You're gonna get hate.

00:50:43.000 You can get hate.

00:50:44.000 Yeah, you'll go through, you'll read all the comments, you'll be like, I saw him, his fucking opener sucked.

00:50:50.000 Goddammit.

00:50:51.000 Dude, it's...

00:50:51.000 Whatever his name was, I hated him.

00:50:53.000 Yeah, you're always gonna get those.

00:50:55.000 Well, sometimes you can like have someone on the podcast and you just watch everyone like, fuck, that guy sucks so bad.

00:51:00.000 And you're just like, goddamn, bro, that sucks, man.

00:51:02.000 Yeah.

00:51:02.000 Yeah, if I was certain people, I would not want to read comments after their guests on podcasts.

00:51:08.000 No, man.

00:51:10.000 You can tell when it fucks with their head, too.

00:51:12.000 I think it gets everybody.

00:51:14.000 I think it gets everyone a little bit.

00:51:16.000 I think you maybe get better.

00:51:18.000 I'm better and better now.

00:51:19.000 I can take it now.

00:51:19.000 It's not as much of a shock.

00:51:21.000 But on any given day, I can read one in a minute.

00:51:22.000 That's what I think, yeah.

00:51:23.000 I'm like, I got it under control.

00:51:24.000 I'm fine.

00:51:25.000 They come up with new ones.

00:51:26.000 And then you find one, and you're like, damn.

00:51:28.000 They do come up with new ones.

00:51:29.000 You're like, I've never even thought of that before.

00:51:31.000 Fuck.

00:51:32.000 You sons of bitches.

00:51:33.000 It's part of that.

00:51:34.000 That's also part of the process, right?

00:51:36.000 Developing the ability to just not be affected by that.

00:51:39.000 It's true.

00:51:39.000 It's like snake venom.

00:51:40.000 Yeah.

00:51:40.000 You know?

00:51:41.000 Yeah.

00:51:41.000 Little doses of snake venom.

00:51:43.000 Well, because you can also get conflicting messages that are like, awesome!

00:51:46.000 You're the fucking worst piece of shit in the world, and you're like...

00:51:49.000 Wait a minute.

00:51:49.000 Yeah, you have to stop and be like, what am I? I'm probably somewhere in the middle.

00:51:54.000 Probably just an average fucking idiot.

00:51:55.000 Who's got better grammar?

00:51:57.000 Oh, the guy who likes me spells right.

00:51:59.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:51:59.000 He doesn't write your fucking comma, dude.

00:52:01.000 This guy's on the ball.

00:52:02.000 He's on the ball.

00:52:03.000 That's true, too.

00:52:03.000 If you see a lot of typos in the comments, you'd be like, dude, move on.

00:52:07.000 Go back to school, brother.

00:52:08.000 Get out of here.

00:52:09.000 You can't even spell.

00:52:11.000 What are you criticizing?

00:52:13.000 Matthew, would you please hand me a Bud Light?

00:52:15.000 Absolutely.

00:52:15.000 Responsibly.

00:52:16.000 Absolutely.

00:52:17.000 Wow.

00:52:17.000 What a fucking beer, dude.

00:52:21.000 Damn, dude.

00:52:21.000 Tell him about it.

00:52:23.000 I met the Clydesdales.

00:52:25.000 Did you really?

00:52:26.000 You had to meet horses?

00:52:27.000 I had to meet some horses.

00:52:28.000 Then I got really responsible.

00:52:31.000 It was in New Orleans.

00:52:32.000 I got extremely responsible.

00:52:33.000 Around the horses?

00:52:35.000 Around the horses?

00:52:36.000 No, and then I called my dad, and he didn't answer.

00:52:38.000 It was late.

00:52:39.000 And I was like, I met horses.

00:52:42.000 I left him like a voicemail.

00:52:44.000 I was like, Dad, it was a good time in New Orleans.

00:52:46.000 I saw horses.

00:52:47.000 I met the Clydesdales.

00:52:48.000 He's like, Jesus Christ.

00:52:50.000 Oh my God.

00:52:51.000 It's a big fucking horse, right?

00:52:53.000 It's the biggest fucking horse I've ever seen, dude.

00:52:55.000 Yeah, they're jacked.

00:52:56.000 It's head was the size of me.

00:52:58.000 They're a lot bigger than bigger horses, right?

00:53:00.000 Clydesdales?

00:53:00.000 Clydesdales, especially the Anheuser-Bosch ones, they're gigantic, dude.

00:53:04.000 Jesus Christ.

00:53:04.000 And I'll tell you, they're big everywhere, if you know what I'm talking about.

00:53:07.000 Big cock.

00:53:08.000 Oh, yeah.

00:53:09.000 Distracting.

00:53:10.000 Distracting.

00:53:10.000 There it is.

00:53:11.000 Wow, that thing is huge.

00:53:13.000 Holy shit.

00:53:15.000 Look at the size of that horse.

00:53:17.000 Dude, it's head for real is a size of...

00:53:19.000 It's huge, dude.

00:53:20.000 You're a big dude.

00:53:22.000 That's like maybe people need to recognize.

00:53:24.000 How tall are you?

00:53:25.000 I'm 6'3".

00:53:26.000 So he's 6'3".

00:53:27.000 Look how big that fucking horse is.

00:53:30.000 That horse's back is like 5'10".

00:53:34.000 That's insane.

00:53:35.000 It's crazy.

00:53:36.000 How much bigger are they than a regular horse?

00:53:38.000 Look at the top of his head.

00:53:40.000 Dude, their horseshoes, their shoes are like enormous.

00:53:43.000 A regular one's like that.

00:53:44.000 He looks so big.

00:53:46.000 Look at his head.

00:53:47.000 It's so scary.

00:53:48.000 His head looks like half of your body.

00:53:49.000 I brought Cam with me for this tour.

00:53:52.000 So it was me and Cam Patterson.

00:53:55.000 Alright, enough, Jamie.

00:53:57.000 Look at me being a fucking sellout, huh?

00:53:59.000 Uh-uh.

00:54:01.000 Please, dude.

00:54:02.000 Listen, man, you fucking love Bud Light.

00:54:05.000 Yeah, man.

00:54:05.000 Me and Cam got in there, and they were showing us the Clydesdales, and there's a lady giving us the details of all the horses, which was obviously very interesting.

00:54:12.000 It's like how much they fucking eat and everything.

00:54:14.000 Literally, as soon as we walked in, we looked at that thing's fucking junk, and immediately we're like...

00:54:19.000 I'm trying to...

00:54:21.000 For real.

00:54:23.000 I'm trying to listen to this tour guide, and I'm literally standing there like...

00:54:28.000 It's fucking dick is big.

00:54:30.000 Oh my god, look how big.

00:54:32.000 Look at the size of it compared to a regular horse.

00:54:34.000 Holy shit, dude.

00:54:35.000 Damn, dude.

00:54:36.000 Holy shit, they're so big.

00:54:38.000 That one that you showed originally, the lower left-hand corner, Jimmy.

00:54:43.000 Look at that one.

00:54:44.000 Donkey, bro.

00:54:46.000 That's crazy!

00:54:48.000 Holy fuck!

00:54:49.000 That's crazy how big that thing is!

00:54:51.000 They're always like, these horses are very gentle, they're the nicest horses, and I'm sure they are.

00:54:55.000 But when you're standing next to that thing, you're like, dude, that thing could do anything and I'm dead.

00:55:01.000 Is that a Viking horse?

00:55:02.000 Is that what the Vikings used?

00:55:04.000 What is that?

00:55:04.000 I have no idea.

00:55:05.000 Why was it so big?

00:55:07.000 I don't know, because they're a German company.

00:55:10.000 Clydesdale?

00:55:11.000 Scottish.

00:55:13.000 Why are they so big?

00:55:16.000 I'd love to know.

00:55:17.000 Yeah, I mean, like, they must have select breed them to make them that breed, right?

00:55:21.000 Yeah, what's Anheuser-Busch's horse division like?

00:55:24.000 You would think they're into, like, horse-raising and shit.

00:55:26.000 They got a ton of horses.

00:55:27.000 I don't know.

00:55:29.000 That's part of their business, is they keep horses?

00:55:31.000 Yeah, they have, like, a...

00:55:31.000 They didn't shoot any of them after everything went south?

00:55:34.000 They would never shoot the horses, dude.

00:55:36.000 I'm just wondering.

00:55:37.000 That's what happens when people go poor.

00:55:39.000 They shoot horses.

00:55:40.000 Start eating them.

00:55:41.000 How dare you.

00:55:42.000 Not my company.

00:55:43.000 They fired a lot of people.

00:55:44.000 I was wondering if they shot any horses.

00:55:46.000 Sure, just put them on a horse and smack the horse's ass.

00:55:47.000 It's a legit question.

00:55:50.000 You know, Anizer Bush own the rights to diesel engines.

00:55:55.000 Bro, I know it's funny.

00:55:57.000 It's such an expensive joke, dude.

00:56:01.000 Come on, man.

00:56:02.000 You brought Bud Light back.

00:56:04.000 The horses, yeah, they're very proud of those fucking horses, too.

00:56:07.000 Look, not to be a corporate shill, you see those Clydesdales, it's exciting.

00:56:14.000 You see them pulling the fucking Anheuser-Busch cart?

00:56:17.000 That's why they use them in commercials.

00:56:18.000 Yeah, it's a very exciting thing.

00:56:19.000 So sick.

00:56:20.000 Look at that.

00:56:22.000 Goddamn.

00:56:22.000 Didn't meet the fucking Dalmatian, though.

00:56:24.000 I was sad about that.

00:56:25.000 Bro, they didn't even look real.

00:56:27.000 They're so big, they don't look real.

00:56:29.000 Yeah, it looks pretty hot.

00:56:31.000 Fucking crazy.

00:56:31.000 Is that like a ceremony?

00:56:33.000 Is that like the ceremonial?

00:56:34.000 Yeah.

00:56:35.000 It was pretty cool.

00:56:36.000 At the end of Prohibition, they fucking rode those things right down Pennsylvania Avenue and gave the president a case of Budweiser.

00:56:41.000 Wow.

00:56:42.000 Pretty sick.

00:56:43.000 I forgot how long Prohibition was.

00:56:45.000 It was a while, dude.

00:56:46.000 It was like a decade at least.

00:56:47.000 Yeah.

00:56:48.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:56:48.000 Everyone was getting wrecked, dude.

00:56:50.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:56:51.000 No one stopped drinking at all.

00:56:52.000 Dude.

00:56:53.000 But that's one of the few things that's ever been made like that that was rescinded.

00:56:58.000 Yeah.

00:56:59.000 And Prohibition is the big lesson, too.

00:57:02.000 It's the big lesson also because of the rise of the Mafia.

00:57:05.000 Prohibition is the rise of the NASCAR. That came from it, too, though.

00:57:10.000 Did it really?

00:57:10.000 Yeah.

00:57:11.000 Those were cars that they souped up to get away from cops.

00:57:13.000 What?

00:57:14.000 Yeah.

00:57:15.000 That's the origins of NASCAR. Yeah.

00:57:17.000 What?

00:57:17.000 Moonshiner, son.

00:57:19.000 Damn.

00:57:19.000 Yeah.

00:57:21.000 It is wild to think at the end of Prohibition, they drove and gave a case of beer to the President.

00:57:27.000 Like, think if they legalized weed.

00:57:30.000 Bring Biden some weed.

00:57:31.000 And just drove Biden.

00:57:32.000 What if they give Biden weed and he just snaps out of it?

00:57:35.000 And he's like, oh boy, you know, I've just been so foggy.

00:57:39.000 But now I'm getting it.

00:57:40.000 How the fuck did they let me be President?

00:57:43.000 I don't even know where my underwear are.

00:57:45.000 What the fuck?

00:57:45.000 It's...

00:57:46.000 Yeah, it's crazy, man.

00:57:47.000 There's no way they can get it.

00:57:48.000 They can't be serious about running him again.

00:57:50.000 Oh, yeah.

00:57:51.000 He's going to be the president again.

00:57:52.000 No.

00:57:52.000 Yeah, it's going to be crazy.

00:57:53.000 He's not going to win.

00:57:54.000 They're just going to keep him on testosterone and Adderall, and people are going to vote for him no matter what.

00:57:59.000 Dude, for like...

00:58:01.000 He's fine, dude.

00:58:02.000 He's fine.

00:58:02.000 It's going to be fun.

00:58:03.000 He's the best.

00:58:03.000 So who's making that decision, though?

00:58:05.000 It's not him.

00:58:06.000 Me.

00:58:07.000 The government calls me.

00:58:08.000 They'll say, what do you think, Joe?

00:58:10.000 I'll say, yeah, run him again.

00:58:11.000 Let's see what's up.

00:58:11.000 Yeah, see how he does.

00:58:13.000 This could be, his second term could really be a landmark.

00:58:16.000 That could be, like, historic.

00:58:18.000 He's gonna really come back around.

00:58:20.000 He's gonna make improvements.

00:58:21.000 Oh, yeah.

00:58:22.000 Whatever, they're gonna get him on the right meds.

00:58:24.000 For sure, they need to get him on something.

00:58:25.000 He's gonna bounce back.

00:58:27.000 He's gonna build back better.

00:58:29.000 They should just keep him alive forever.

00:58:30.000 Start giving him, like, artificial body parts.

00:58:32.000 And he'll just be our Emperor Supreme.

00:58:37.000 I don't have any problems with anything you just said.

00:58:42.000 Like, I don't know.

00:58:43.000 I don't know what we're doing.

00:58:43.000 We need someone to inspire us, man.

00:58:46.000 Yeah.

00:58:46.000 I want an inspirational president.

00:58:47.000 I want to get pumped.

00:58:48.000 I don't have a picture of, like, my grandfather had JFK and he put him on his wall in his kitchen.

00:58:52.000 Yeah.

00:58:52.000 I have no president to, like, I'm old.

00:58:54.000 If only there was a good Kennedy out there.

00:58:56.000 Dude, that's what I'm saying.

00:58:58.000 I need to get that boy up there.

00:59:00.000 You like Bobby?

00:59:01.000 Yeah, I love him, man.

00:59:02.000 I wanted to win so fucking bad.

00:59:04.000 Doesn't look like he's gonna win.

00:59:05.000 Why?

00:59:06.000 I want him to win.

00:59:07.000 I want him to win so bad.

00:59:08.000 It's like, yeah, dude, I love the Temple Owls.

00:59:10.000 I think this year we're gonna win the national title.

00:59:13.000 He sent me this thing today.

00:59:15.000 No offense, Bobby.

00:59:16.000 On Ozempic.

00:59:17.000 Tucker Carlson had this guy who used to work for a pharmaceutical company on his show today, or the episode's out today, and a lot of it is about Ozempic, about how many people are being prescribed Ozempic.

00:59:29.000 But they're handing it out like nothing, too.

00:59:31.000 It's kind of wild.

00:59:33.000 It's kind of wild because I think it's going to be one of the most profitable drugs ever.

00:59:38.000 Do they know what's going to happen to you after you take it?

00:59:40.000 People have been taking it.

00:59:41.000 I got a feeling there's no way that works.

00:59:43.000 That's what I'm...

00:59:44.000 Dude, people have been taking it for a long time.

00:59:46.000 They're like, oh, we've used this for diabetes.

00:59:47.000 I felt that way about literally every single...

00:59:49.000 I know, dude.

00:59:50.000 Dude, SSR. People were like, you're depressed.

00:59:52.000 I was like, yeah, dude, definitely.

00:59:55.000 They're like, take this.

00:59:56.000 I'm like, no.

00:59:57.000 They're terrible.

00:59:58.000 They turned out to be awful, dude.

01:00:00.000 The withdrawal from those things are catastrophic.

01:00:03.000 People have severe bio-intestinal sort of things happen with them if they have a bad side effect.

01:00:11.000 Numb genitals.

01:00:12.000 Gastrointestinal.

01:00:13.000 Numb genitals?

01:00:14.000 You can get numb genitals too.

01:00:15.000 Brian Simpson had a real bad reaction to it.

01:00:18.000 Really?

01:00:18.000 Yeah, real bad.

01:00:19.000 That sucks.

01:00:20.000 Brian's sad.

01:00:21.000 Yeah, his stomach was just jacked.

01:00:23.000 But some people take it as no problem at all.

01:00:27.000 Yeah, but when we try to get off of them, it's like...

01:00:30.000 You have like a headache and brain zaps for like a month.

01:00:33.000 What?

01:00:34.000 What do you want one, Jamie?

01:00:35.000 Ozempic burned off my genitals.

01:00:38.000 I found pieces of charred skin in the toilet.

01:00:40.000 Maybe...

01:00:41.000 Maybe some other things are going on.

01:00:44.000 Yeah, true.

01:00:44.000 Fucking Ozempic.

01:00:46.000 Is that real?

01:00:47.000 It's on the New York Post posted it.

01:00:51.000 Dr. Maria's pussy fell off?

01:00:54.000 Oh my god, she got severe burns and charred skin on her vagina, anus, and buttocks owing to once-weekly jabs.

01:01:02.000 She's a professor of pharmacology at the University of Texas Rio Grande Valley.

01:01:11.000 Pended testimonially on her ozempic use.

01:01:14.000 So she's obviously very smart.

01:01:17.000 She said, Ozempic, toe that pussy up.

01:01:18.000 Oh my god.

01:01:20.000 She said, I checked my genitals, anus, and buttocks.

01:01:25.000 Oh, that's just Ozempic, man.

01:01:27.000 Fucking rocked my anus.

01:01:29.000 My anus fell off.

01:01:30.000 I took a shit.

01:01:30.000 My anus fell off.

01:01:32.000 God damn it.

01:01:32.000 She said some areas had charred skin.

01:01:35.000 She said it was as if she was exposed to sunlight for days.

01:01:39.000 Why is she taking those out?

01:01:41.000 Because everybody wants to be skinny, man.

01:01:44.000 She looks great.

01:01:45.000 I know a lot of people going on this stuff.

01:01:49.000 I'm not talking about this particular woman, but if you brought home a lady and she had a charred anus and vagina, You're like, what happened?

01:01:58.000 I used to be fat.

01:02:00.000 You'd go, alright.

01:02:02.000 She's thin and hot now.

01:02:04.000 Here's a picture of me when I was 250. I'm like, whoa.

01:02:07.000 How'd you do this?

01:02:10.000 My butt fell off, but things are fine.

01:02:14.000 We could do other stuff.

01:02:15.000 Yeah.

01:02:15.000 We could mouth play.

01:02:23.000 My holes fell off.

01:02:24.000 My holes rot.

01:02:25.000 My fucking holes fell off, but it's fine.

01:02:27.000 Are you into mouth play?

01:02:28.000 Mouth play?

01:02:31.000 Sorry.

01:02:31.000 Bro.

01:02:32.000 I know that's not great, but saying mouth play and hand play is so funny.

01:02:41.000 It still hurts when I have to urinate or defecate.

01:02:43.000 It often starts peeling again because of the friction, said the survivor.

01:02:48.000 They're calling her a survivor.

01:02:49.000 Her lawyer might have wrote all those.

01:02:51.000 On a very strict diet, not taking any medication at this moment in time, but this will change in a few weeks.

01:02:56.000 Rosa, I want to heal before I start again with any medication.

01:03:00.000 And due to the strict diet, my level of glucose is thankfully under control.

01:03:06.000 She still supports it, which is nice.

01:03:08.000 She still laws the injections for lowering her blood sugar.

01:03:11.000 Well, that's what it's for, right?

01:03:12.000 It's a diabetes drug.

01:03:13.000 Damn, that's fucking wild.

01:03:14.000 I think one of the side effects is like stomach paralysis or something like that.

01:03:18.000 She had all of the side effects you guys just said.

01:03:20.000 Depression, gastro problems.

01:03:23.000 I'd be depressed, yeah.

01:03:25.000 Yeah, dude, that's fucked up.

01:03:27.000 Yeah, it's a weird thing, man, because it's like, yeah, you shouldn't be obese, and I think it's something like 50% of the country, Shane, wanna speak on this?

01:03:37.000 Speak on your people?

01:03:38.000 Fuck you, Joe.

01:03:41.000 Yeah, it's rising.

01:03:43.000 It's gonna be...

01:03:43.000 Did you lose any weight doing the carnivore diet?

01:03:45.000 Yeah, the 12 days I did it, yes.

01:03:47.000 That was an easy one to fire.

01:03:50.000 Yeah, I mean, I had vicious diarrhea, so...

01:03:52.000 Shit my pants.

01:03:52.000 How was it?

01:03:53.000 I mean, me and Matt...

01:03:54.000 It was crazy.

01:03:54.000 I did it with him.

01:03:55.000 It was fucking crazy.

01:03:57.000 Astonishing, right?

01:03:57.000 The diarrhea was astonishing.

01:03:59.000 I shit my pants.

01:03:59.000 How many times?

01:04:00.000 I shit my boxers once.

01:04:01.000 I was in bed and I shit my fucking boxers.

01:04:03.000 That's when you need to eat a bowl of rice.

01:04:04.000 Yeah, dude.

01:04:05.000 You hit one diarrhea, you go, all right, I'm out.

01:04:07.000 I was taking these little Hershey Kiss stuff.

01:04:08.000 Something happens, though, after a while, your body figures it out.

01:04:10.000 Man, it was 16 days in.

01:04:12.000 It took me about two weeks.

01:04:14.000 I remember Tom Segura texted me, he said, this diarrhea is astonishing.

01:04:18.000 It is truly astonishing diarrhea.

01:04:20.000 It was water.

01:04:21.000 You won't believe the diarrhea.

01:04:22.000 I had water.

01:04:23.000 It was like black oil.

01:04:24.000 It was like oil water.

01:04:26.000 But it didn't smell as bad.

01:04:27.000 It didn't smell that bad, though.

01:04:28.000 I don't know what was going on.

01:04:29.000 There was nothing in it.

01:04:30.000 It was water.

01:04:31.000 Yeah.

01:04:32.000 Vegans would tell you it's all toxins.

01:04:34.000 Really?

01:04:34.000 Your toxins are coming out.

01:04:35.000 Oh.

01:04:36.000 Dude, I started missing big dumps.

01:04:39.000 Yeah, I think your body just...

01:04:40.000 Dumps are back on the menu, and I'll tell you what, I'm having the time of my life.

01:04:43.000 Dude, I learned I'm a bit of a size queen, dude.

01:04:45.000 I didn't like those little fucking shirts coming up.

01:04:47.000 Little pebble dumps.

01:04:48.000 Yeah, I was there bothering me.

01:04:49.000 I couldn't agree more.

01:04:50.000 You need to get a fucking large dump, dude.

01:04:53.000 You should eat a lot of kale.

01:04:54.000 Just a horse pie.

01:04:55.000 I got some kale in the fridge, right?

01:04:57.000 Yeah, have a lot of kale before you eat your food, and you'll have a big, meaty dump.

01:05:01.000 Well, that's...

01:05:01.000 I told myself, I got off that...

01:05:03.000 All roughage, you know?

01:05:03.000 Yeah.

01:05:04.000 All that roughage and fiber.

01:05:05.000 I told myself, I'm just going to eat meat and vegetables.

01:05:07.000 I got off that diet.

01:05:08.000 I picked out so hard and gained all the weight back right away.

01:05:11.000 I was totally disciplined on it.

01:05:13.000 I'm like, alright, I'll add in veggies.

01:05:14.000 I'll be good.

01:05:14.000 Day one off of it.

01:05:16.000 How did you feel when you were on it?

01:05:17.000 I felt good.

01:05:18.000 I did feel good.

01:05:19.000 I liked the keto.

01:05:19.000 I was a little lethargic the first couple days.

01:05:21.000 Yeah.

01:05:22.000 The first night we did stand-up.

01:05:24.000 Yeah, that was weird.

01:05:26.000 I'm like out of it.

01:05:26.000 Felt a little weird.

01:05:28.000 But the keto stuff, I like the feeling, but I get like weeks into it, I start feeling kind of like loopy.

01:05:32.000 But I don't think I was eating enough either.

01:05:34.000 I was like...

01:05:35.000 I also got sick of...

01:05:36.000 Yeah, you get sick of eating meat.

01:05:38.000 I get so sick of meat.

01:05:39.000 So you just don't eat.

01:05:40.000 I made a rack of ribs and looked at them, and I was like, I can't, dude.

01:05:43.000 I can't eat them.

01:05:44.000 I was so sick of meat.

01:05:45.000 That's so funny.

01:05:46.000 It was weird.

01:05:47.000 I have zero problem.

01:05:47.000 Having Lemaire...

01:05:48.000 Lemaire lives with me now.

01:05:49.000 That was not helpful for the diet.

01:05:52.000 Like 2am it'd be like, alright, I'm ordering pizza.

01:05:55.000 You motherfucker.

01:05:56.000 Yeah, dude.

01:05:57.000 I was making pancakes in my house in the morning for my kids, just looking at them like, fucking Jesus Christ.

01:06:02.000 It's so weird how the most desirable foods are all terrible for you.

01:06:06.000 I know.

01:06:07.000 They're most desirable.

01:06:08.000 Like a plate of lasagna, like smell it, you're like, ah.

01:06:12.000 Yeah.

01:06:13.000 Ah, a good pizza right out of the oven.

01:06:15.000 Like, oh, gee.

01:06:16.000 Right when you're about to take that bite and you feel that warm cheese and the sauce.

01:06:21.000 I'm going to be honest with you.

01:06:22.000 Yeah.

01:06:22.000 Me and Lemaire ate some DiGiorno last night while we were watching Cops.

01:06:25.000 How was it?

01:06:26.000 Shit rocked.

01:06:27.000 So you get the frozen shit?

01:06:29.000 We usually don't, but, you know.

01:06:31.000 What's the best frozen...

01:06:32.000 What's the one that you could cook from frozen?

01:06:34.000 DiGiorno's fucking good.

01:06:36.000 Is it?

01:06:36.000 Yes.

01:06:37.000 It was...

01:06:37.000 Especially, I mean, if you're eating DiGiorno, you're...

01:06:39.000 You're a piece of chow.

01:06:41.000 Yeah, true, true.

01:06:42.000 It's not going well.

01:06:43.000 They kill more...

01:06:44.000 Those pizzas probably kill more people from the house fires.

01:06:45.000 Dude, you ever read the fucking nutrition's on this?

01:06:48.000 From the house fires?

01:06:49.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:49.000 People get black out and put those things in the oven and pass out all the time.

01:06:52.000 Yeah.

01:06:53.000 DiGiorno by the sea.

01:06:53.000 Those things are like the leading cause of death.

01:06:55.000 They didn't leave.

01:06:56.000 They kill whole blocks of row rooms.

01:06:58.000 There's, for real, there's no, yes.

01:07:01.000 That has to happen nonsense.

01:07:03.000 How many of the people eating frozen pizzas are drunk?

01:07:06.000 What's the percentage?

01:07:07.000 If you're sober eating a frozen pizza, you're a fucking loser.

01:07:10.000 I'll be on the record for that.

01:07:12.000 It's just pedophiles eating them.

01:07:14.000 Pedophiles are sober eating frozen pizza.

01:07:19.000 If you're not kind of lit when you're eating one of those, you're a pedophile.

01:07:21.000 You gotta be high as fuck.

01:07:23.000 Have you ever tried to make your own pizza?

01:07:24.000 You ever do the pizza oven thing?

01:07:27.000 Yeah, I worked at a restaurant when we were doing that.

01:07:28.000 I'm not good at it.

01:07:30.000 But now you have a nice yard.

01:07:31.000 Like, maybe you get a little pizza oven.

01:07:32.000 Ooh, a pizza oven would be nice.

01:07:34.000 Yeah.

01:07:34.000 Guys, I'm not doing anything.

01:07:36.000 Your culinary journey is going to be amazing.

01:07:38.000 I'm playing Xbox until shows.

01:07:40.000 I can see you.

01:07:41.000 It's not that hard.

01:07:42.000 I don't buy furniture.

01:07:43.000 I can see you with a ladle of sauce.

01:07:44.000 Oh, yeah.

01:07:45.000 Throwing the fresh mozzarella.

01:07:47.000 I'm never going to change.

01:07:47.000 The basil.

01:07:48.000 Push it in there.

01:07:49.000 I've accepted who I am.

01:07:50.000 With the Bud Light, watching it cook.

01:07:53.000 Turning it.

01:07:54.000 Dude, cooking is a serious great joy of life.

01:07:56.000 Learning how to cook is a genuine great joy.

01:07:58.000 We gotta get you into making pizzas, bro.

01:08:01.000 Joe, you know that's the last thing I need.

01:08:03.000 You can use non-GMO, organic, flour.

01:08:06.000 Get some Italy flour.

01:08:08.000 Some flour straight from Italy with no fucking herbicides in it.

01:08:11.000 Nah, I'm gonna play Xbox and DoorDash Chipotle and then go to the show.

01:08:18.000 That's it.

01:08:19.000 That's my schedule every day.

01:08:21.000 That's a solid option.

01:08:22.000 Fuck, the show's in eight hours.

01:08:23.000 Fuck.

01:08:25.000 So soon.

01:08:26.000 That's cutting into all my doing nothing.

01:08:29.000 Are you ready to get back onto our workout routine?

01:08:31.000 I am.

01:08:32.000 I've been hitting you up.

01:08:33.000 I've been like, bro, I need you.

01:08:34.000 You came here once.

01:08:34.000 I need you, though.

01:08:36.000 Yeah, you need help.

01:08:36.000 I need someone to go, you have to do it.

01:08:38.000 When you tell me if you're like, I can't make it today, I'm literally, I'm waking up looking at my phone going, thank you, Scott.

01:08:44.000 I really like working out with you guys, but I also really like working out by myself.

01:08:48.000 Going nuts, yeah.

01:08:49.000 For me, it's a good time where there's nothing going on, just me doing the routine.

01:08:55.000 You've been working out?

01:08:56.000 Yeah, of course.

01:08:57.000 You motherfucker.

01:08:58.000 What are you talking about?

01:08:58.000 I always work out.

01:08:59.000 I'm not going to ever stop working out.

01:09:01.000 You've been saying I can't work out today and you're working out?

01:09:03.000 No, I said I couldn't do certain things.

01:09:05.000 I hurt my back for a little bit.

01:09:07.000 It wasn't bad though.

01:09:08.000 It was a muscle pull.

01:09:09.000 It wasn't anything to do with the spine.

01:09:11.000 I was doing this new exercise and I was doing it a little too heavy.

01:09:15.000 I tweaked something, but it was like a couple weeks later.

01:09:17.000 It was fine.

01:09:18.000 Now it's full.

01:09:19.000 I am ready to get back though.

01:09:20.000 I need it.

01:09:20.000 Yeah.

01:09:21.000 Let's go.

01:09:21.000 Okay.

01:09:22.000 Alright.

01:09:23.000 Yeah, no slackers.

01:09:25.000 Yeah, I need it.

01:09:26.000 Brian Simpson likes to leave early.

01:09:27.000 Oh, I got a meeting.

01:09:28.000 Brian Simpson always has a meeting.

01:09:31.000 He's got a meeting at 1 every fucking time.

01:09:34.000 Every fucking time we work out, he gets that one hour.

01:09:35.000 The sauna's the best, dude.

01:09:37.000 The sauna.

01:09:38.000 Dude, literally, he gets out 6...

01:09:40.000 He's like, oh, fuck my phone.

01:09:44.000 Dude, you're such a dickhead.

01:09:47.000 I gotta take a piss.

01:09:49.000 Alright, I'll take a whiz.

01:09:52.000 I'll take a whiz right now.

01:09:54.000 Go take a whiz.

01:09:54.000 Good luck.

01:09:55.000 Thank you.

01:09:58.000 I won't blow it, dude.

01:10:00.000 I'll be cool.

01:10:00.000 Don't bring up anybody in particular.

01:10:02.000 I'll be cool.

01:10:04.000 Come on, bro.

01:10:04.000 We're fine.

01:10:05.000 We're not gonna talk about horses.

01:10:08.000 Is it the panic in his face when we're talking about shooting horses?

01:10:11.000 Yeah.

01:10:16.000 They are fucking impressive, though.

01:10:17.000 They're fucking amazing, man.

01:10:18.000 I had no idea they were that.

01:10:20.000 I kind of knew, but I don't think I'd ever seen one next to a regular horse before.

01:10:23.000 I did not know they were that big, either.

01:10:25.000 They're a dwarf in regular horses.

01:10:26.000 I'm scared of horses, man.

01:10:27.000 I got bucked off of one when I was little.

01:10:29.000 Oh, no.

01:10:30.000 I grew up next to...

01:10:31.000 I was one of six, and my cousins were one of ten.

01:10:34.000 And my dad and my uncle bought a piece of land outside of Philadelphia, like...

01:10:38.000 It was like a rural area.

01:10:39.000 It got built up now.

01:10:41.000 But I grew up next to like 10...

01:10:43.000 I had 10 cousins that we'd all just like fuck around.

01:10:46.000 Behind it, there was a guy who ran land off of us.

01:10:48.000 He had horses.

01:10:49.000 So I was always like, we'd cut through the horse place to get to the woods.

01:10:52.000 And like, dude, they'll charge you and shit.

01:10:53.000 They're scary.

01:10:55.000 Yeah.

01:10:55.000 I'm still to this day terrified of them.

01:10:57.000 We used to ride him, and the one just went nuts and just bucked me off, and I was like, fuck this, dude.

01:11:02.000 I mean, I get it.

01:11:03.000 I think riding him looks awesome, but whenever you're riding an animal, like, you're on an animal, like, hanging on to an animal, is this necessary?

01:11:12.000 Yeah, and it's like, this kid, beside, like, fuck this guy, and this thing could kill me.

01:11:15.000 A friend of mine was in a trail of horses where they were going into this deep mountain elk hunt and one of the horses fell and broke its leg and they had to shoot it right then and there.

01:11:30.000 Really?

01:11:30.000 Yeah.

01:11:31.000 Oh, because they can't get it back.

01:11:32.000 They can't get it back, and they don't heal.

01:11:34.000 Really?

01:11:35.000 Yeah, they shoot horses.

01:11:37.000 Damn, I didn't know that.

01:11:37.000 When the horses break their leg, they shoot them.

01:11:39.000 Jesus.

01:11:40.000 Yeah.

01:11:40.000 I didn't know they didn't heal.

01:11:41.000 They don't heal.

01:11:43.000 Yeah, they never totally heal.

01:11:45.000 And I think there's probably...

01:11:47.000 This was quite a few years ago.

01:11:49.000 It's probably methods that they use now.

01:11:52.000 Can they heal horses?

01:11:53.000 They definitely can't run again.

01:11:55.000 Like if it's a racehorse and they break their leg, that's it.

01:11:57.000 They'll never run again.

01:11:59.000 Damn, killing horses.

01:12:00.000 Yeah, they had to shoot this horse.

01:12:02.000 My buddy was on this wilderness trail and the horse fell.

01:12:06.000 It snapped its leg.

01:12:07.000 They just blast it in the head.

01:12:09.000 Shoot it.

01:12:10.000 You even see that at the racetrack?

01:12:12.000 No, they do.

01:12:12.000 If the horse breaks his leg, they'll bring out like a tarp on the track and hide it from the crowd and just...

01:12:18.000 Inject it?

01:12:19.000 Yeah.

01:12:20.000 Whoa, that's harsh.

01:12:22.000 I mean, I don't know how often they're still doing that, but that was just what they did.

01:12:27.000 They probably do, yeah.

01:12:27.000 Yeah.

01:12:28.000 Bones suck.

01:12:29.000 They break too easy.

01:12:31.000 Yeah.

01:12:31.000 They break so easy.

01:12:33.000 They take so long to heal.

01:12:35.000 Yeah.

01:12:36.000 It's ridiculous.

01:12:36.000 Such a shit design.

01:12:37.000 That's why we have to accept the new...

01:12:40.000 when we get AI. When you're gonna get a new body.

01:12:44.000 You're gonna get some titanium frame.

01:12:45.000 That'd be sick.

01:12:46.000 When's that stuff coming?

01:12:48.000 Unlike humans, horse has heavy bones and light leg bones.

01:12:51.000 This is the way...

01:12:53.000 heavy bodies, rather, and light leg bones.

01:12:55.000 This is the way they've developed many breeds, especially the thoroughbreds.

01:12:58.000 When bones break, they may often shatter, and it's almost impossible to surgically reconstruct the fractured leg.

01:13:04.000 While humans have some large muscles and a bit of tissue below the knee that helps stabilize a broken bone, along with a cast, a horse has very little muscle and hardly any other tissue besides tendons, ligaments, blood vessels, and some nerves below the knee.

01:13:17.000 Oh, wow.

01:13:19.000 The lack of muscle and other tissue means that even in a cast, the broken bone has little to support it, and it's much harder to prevent a horse from using its broken leg to bear weight.

01:13:29.000 Wow.

01:13:30.000 Kill it.

01:13:31.000 So they have to shoot it.

01:13:32.000 Gotta kill it.

01:13:34.000 Wow.

01:13:35.000 They've figured out some stuff, but that's why.

01:13:37.000 That's been the most common way to handle it.

01:13:40.000 Compound fractures where a broken bone penetrates the skin have a much poorer prognosis and are less likely to heal successfully without complications.

01:13:48.000 Are likely to be euthanized, particularly if blood supply to the leg has been compromised.

01:13:53.000 So it says repaired.

01:13:54.000 The less complicated the fracture, the more likely the horse will recover.

01:13:58.000 Oh, so there are some that recover.

01:14:00.000 Green stick and stress fractures are incomplete fractures, and these can usually be treated successfully.

01:14:05.000 Simple fractures where there's one clean break are more likely to heal successfully than shattered bones.

01:14:11.000 Nah, you gotta kill him.

01:14:12.000 It stinks.

01:14:13.000 Gotta shoot him.

01:14:14.000 Damn, you guys bringing up euthanasia- Imagine tearing a ligament 500 years ago.

01:14:21.000 You're dead.

01:14:22.000 Yeah.

01:14:22.000 Even during the Bobby Orr days, back in those days, Bobby Orr used to work out at this gym that I worked at when I was 19. That's awesome.

01:14:31.000 And he walked in and he couldn't straighten his legs, so he had to walk with legs permanently bent.

01:14:37.000 And he would play like racquetball.

01:14:38.000 That's one of his knees.

01:14:39.000 What the fuck?

01:14:40.000 Bobby Orr, number four.

01:14:42.000 Bro, they just cut his knees all over the place.

01:14:46.000 Oh, man.

01:14:46.000 Just covered in scars.

01:14:48.000 Back then, man, the surgeries were terrible.

01:14:51.000 Yeah.

01:14:51.000 And you didn't really recover.

01:14:53.000 Yeah.

01:14:54.000 You're never really the same again.

01:14:55.000 Yeah, if you like pull your meniscus and you're like a hunter-gatherer, they'll just probably leave you.

01:15:02.000 Probably fucked.

01:15:02.000 Yeah, you just walked through it.

01:15:04.000 You just dealt with excruciating pain.

01:15:06.000 Nah, I'm fine.

01:15:06.000 Yeah, true.

01:15:07.000 Yeah, maybe that too.

01:15:08.000 You just dealt with excruciating pain forever.

01:15:11.000 Fuck, that sucks.

01:15:12.000 Yeah.

01:15:13.000 If you were lucky, if you weren't lucky, you'd get eaten by a jaguar.

01:15:17.000 Yeah, a cat.

01:15:18.000 Yeah, a cat fucking snatches you up by your neck, drags you up a tree.

01:15:23.000 Yeah, dude, that was the majority of human history was just brutal, violent death.

01:15:27.000 Well, that's why people...

01:15:28.000 All day, every day.

01:15:28.000 Little kids are scared of monsters.

01:15:30.000 Yeah.

01:15:30.000 What experience do they have with monsters?

01:15:32.000 No, they know.

01:15:33.000 That represents animals that'll eat you.

01:15:35.000 It represents wolves.

01:15:37.000 Yeah, it's instinctual.

01:15:38.000 Yeah.

01:15:39.000 Baby turtles are scared of hawks.

01:15:40.000 That's what's going to happen to us again in about four years.

01:15:43.000 What's gonna happen?

01:15:44.000 Wolves.

01:15:45.000 Wolves everywhere.

01:15:48.000 No electricity.

01:15:50.000 Small packs of people.

01:15:52.000 Isn't that gonna be kinda cool though?

01:15:53.000 Banded together, running out of bullets.

01:15:55.000 No, that's gonna blow.

01:15:55.000 I think that would be kinda tough.

01:15:56.000 Second the grid goes down, I'm fuckin'...

01:15:58.000 You have no idea how bad it's gonna be.

01:16:00.000 It's gonna be bad, but like, dude, you get your juices...

01:16:02.000 Here's the thing, you're not gonna be like...

01:16:04.000 Bored and like, what's the point?

01:16:06.000 I'm gonna kiss you.

01:16:07.000 First of all, there will be no podcast.

01:16:09.000 If the power goes out of my house, I'm going to your room.

01:16:12.000 Get in here.

01:16:13.000 I'm gonna break down that door.

01:16:14.000 I'm gonna get a generator.

01:16:15.000 You better.

01:16:16.000 I need one.

01:16:17.000 You better charge that thing, because I'm coming.

01:16:19.000 Just imagine if just...

01:16:21.000 Maybe life stays exactly the same.

01:16:23.000 They figure out a way to get us food, they figure out a way to get us gasoline, but there's no electricity.

01:16:28.000 You can drive around, but there's no electricity, no social media, no internet.

01:16:33.000 So the 80s.

01:16:34.000 Just imagine that right now.

01:16:36.000 Imagine that right now.

01:16:37.000 That'd be nice.

01:16:37.000 But the world would be in a fucking turmoil.

01:16:40.000 No one would know what to do.

01:16:41.000 Oh yeah.

01:16:42.000 What do I do?

01:16:43.000 What's real?

01:16:44.000 What's going on?

01:16:45.000 I gotta read the newspaper?

01:16:46.000 What?

01:16:47.000 Yeah.

01:16:48.000 There's no electricity, so you can't even watch TV? There's no TV at all?

01:16:52.000 We should try it for like a month.

01:16:54.000 Have like the whole country just go off for a month.

01:16:55.000 Yeah, they wouldn't even be able to do the newspaper because they don't have the machines to do the newspaper like they used to do it before the electricity.

01:17:01.000 So they wouldn't even have the newspaper.

01:17:03.000 Yeah.

01:17:03.000 Well, they're clamping down on Facebook and stuff now again, I think.

01:17:06.000 They've been trying to like get them forever.

01:17:08.000 Oh, yeah.

01:17:08.000 What are they trying to do?

01:17:09.000 Like the government's like...

01:17:11.000 I don't know if it's like a political ploy.

01:17:13.000 If I would guess, if I was the government and I was looking at social media, I would say a couple things.

01:17:18.000 One, if you're protecting people.

01:17:21.000 The thing that's valuable, no one knew was valuable.

01:17:26.000 Everybody consented to give away their information, but nobody ever thought data was a commodity.

01:17:31.000 That had never been a thing in human history.

01:17:33.000 The data was insanely valuable, and then the people who have that data now, with all that money, have this insane ability to donate.

01:17:43.000 What are you doing, Jamie?

01:17:44.000 I'm showing you what they're suing them for.

01:17:46.000 More than 40 states and districts of Columbia filed lawsuits against Meta, the parent company of Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp.

01:17:53.000 Dictionary.

01:17:54.000 Facebook and Instagram deliberately manipulate their apps in ways to addict kids and teens and have failed to keep them off despite age limits.

01:18:01.000 Here's the thing, though.

01:18:03.000 Why is it their responsibility?

01:18:05.000 Just like why is it Pornhub's responsibility to make sure that you're 18?

01:18:09.000 Yeah.

01:18:10.000 If you have a kid, it's supposed to be your responsibility to see what the kid's doing, right?

01:18:15.000 But how are you gonna...

01:18:17.000 Unless you have to use your ID every time you sign up and they have to verify your age.

01:18:21.000 They do that in Louisiana.

01:18:23.000 Do they?

01:18:23.000 Yeah, I tried to jack off in Louisiana.

01:18:26.000 Yeah.

01:18:26.000 Utah, you can't even get on.

01:18:28.000 Utah, you can't even get on.

01:18:29.000 Yeah, you can't get on the sites in Utah.

01:18:31.000 I found a site.

01:18:32.000 Well, I mean, you dig up some OG sites.

01:18:34.000 Boobs.com.

01:18:35.000 You have to dig up, like, the OG porn sites, yeah.

01:18:37.000 Yeah, I had to dig deep.

01:18:38.000 And I'll tell you what, you go to those fucking off-the-grid porn sites.

01:18:41.000 You don't use a VPN? No.

01:18:43.000 You should use a VPN. Oh, that's a good idea, actually.

01:18:45.000 Yeah, you should use one.

01:18:47.000 That's a great idea.

01:18:48.000 ExpressVPN.

01:18:49.000 Easy.

01:18:50.000 One click.

01:18:51.000 It's a sponsor.

01:18:51.000 Nice.

01:18:52.000 Easy to use.

01:18:53.000 Yeah, you can pretend you're in fucking Hawaii.

01:18:56.000 You can pretend you're anywhere you want.

01:18:57.000 Ooh, do you think I can use it to bet somewhere else, maybe?

01:19:02.000 Not just...

01:19:02.000 I don't know.

01:19:05.000 I know that people use VPNs.

01:19:08.000 I'm going to use it to bet somewhere else.

01:19:10.000 There are sponsors.

01:19:11.000 I know people have used it to collect Pokemons.

01:19:14.000 I'm going to look up all types of stuff.

01:19:16.000 To collect Pokemons?

01:19:17.000 Yeah, they've collected Pokemons in places where they weren't really there.

01:19:20.000 I know people have used VPNs to bypass countries.

01:19:25.000 Like, you know, Netflix is like United States Netflix.

01:19:27.000 You can go to UK Netflix.

01:19:29.000 You can go to Asia Netflix.

01:19:31.000 You can go to whatever you want.

01:19:32.000 That's pretty cool.

01:19:32.000 Yeah, that's pretty cool.

01:19:34.000 Fuck.

01:19:34.000 I think they're our sponsor too, actually.

01:19:36.000 Yeah.

01:19:36.000 Shit, I love them.

01:19:39.000 I'll never bet somewhere else.

01:19:43.000 That's another thing that was like impossible.

01:19:45.000 Now it's everywhere.

01:19:46.000 Betting was impossible back in the day.

01:19:47.000 Yeah.

01:19:48.000 Like fucking ten years ago.

01:19:49.000 Yeah.

01:19:50.000 My dad was a...

01:20:01.000 There was a whole MMA organization that existed before betting went down.

01:20:09.000 And I think part of their business model was betting.

01:20:13.000 It was Bodog.

01:20:14.000 They had some big fights.

01:20:16.000 They had Fedor fight for Bodog.

01:20:19.000 Jorge Masvidal fought for them.

01:20:21.000 Some big fighters.

01:20:22.000 I think Chael Sonnen fought for them.

01:20:23.000 And they had fights on a beautiful beach in Costa Rica with hot ring card girls walking around.

01:20:29.000 And they had the fights outside with world-class fighters fighting outside.

01:20:34.000 That's crazy.

01:20:35.000 And I'm pretty sure that was the business model.

01:20:39.000 It was about gambling.

01:20:42.000 That makes sense.

01:20:42.000 I saw it coming.

01:20:43.000 England had it before us.

01:20:44.000 I watched soccer and, like, soccer team's jerseys would have just, like, bet.com on it.

01:20:50.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:20:51.000 So it's coming.

01:20:52.000 There was another thing, the International Pool Tour, they had a similar situation.

01:20:56.000 They had this big, like, multi $100,000, like $300,000, $400,000 for the winners for these tournaments, which is huge for pool players.

01:21:05.000 But it was all about online gambling.

01:21:07.000 And then the online gambling, they killed that.

01:21:08.000 They put the kibosh on that.

01:21:10.000 Really?

01:21:10.000 Yeah, they fucked up everything for just telling people what they can and can't gamble on.

01:21:15.000 It's like my same feeling about this meta thing.

01:21:18.000 It's like, I get it.

01:21:20.000 Yeah, the algorithms are designed to keep you engaged, but they keep you engaged with what you're interested in.

01:21:25.000 That's the thing.

01:21:26.000 It's like they're saying they're shoving you only news from one source.

01:21:31.000 Yeah, but that's not their responsibility, I don't think.

01:21:34.000 They're not a news distributor.

01:21:36.000 If you're only into QAnon, they're going to send you fucking QAnon shit.

01:21:40.000 You're going to get a lot of QAnons.

01:21:42.000 I mean, I'm sure we've talked about it before.

01:21:44.000 Something happened with the algorithm lately.

01:21:46.000 What's going on?

01:21:47.000 I don't know.

01:21:48.000 I mean, it's...

01:21:49.000 Oh, with the violent stuff?

01:21:50.000 All this stuff.

01:21:51.000 Oh god, with that stuff.

01:21:52.000 They're just tossing it in.

01:21:53.000 I don't get it.

01:21:54.000 Instagram doesn't come to me now.

01:21:55.000 I'll start sending it to you.

01:21:56.000 Oh, I'll send it to you.

01:21:57.000 I'll put you on the one that me and Segura are on.

01:22:00.000 I don't want to see that.

01:22:01.000 Segura has done that to me like twice.

01:22:04.000 He and I do it every day.

01:22:06.000 We do it every day.

01:22:07.000 The second you see Arabic in the fucking description of the video, the caption, I'm like, I'm not.

01:22:13.000 Bro.

01:22:14.000 No.

01:22:14.000 I've seen so many people get shot.

01:22:16.000 Really?

01:22:17.000 I don't know.

01:22:17.000 Oh my god, over the last month, I've probably seen a hundred people get shot.

01:22:20.000 No bullshit.

01:22:21.000 Factory workers?

01:22:22.000 Multiple times a day.

01:22:23.000 Oh, factory workers getting crushed to death.

01:22:25.000 Horrible.

01:22:25.000 Oh, you're seeing the industrial accidents?

01:22:28.000 Oh my god.

01:22:28.000 You don't know.

01:22:29.000 Crazy industrial accidents.

01:22:30.000 Buildings falling on people.

01:22:32.000 Like, falling on them.

01:22:34.000 People sliding in a scooter under a truck, getting dragged by the truck.

01:22:40.000 Everything.

01:22:41.000 You name it.

01:22:41.000 Guys getting cut in half by trains.

01:22:44.000 Their buddies pulling the arms.

01:22:45.000 Yeah.

01:22:46.000 It's no good.

01:22:47.000 The entrails are hanging out.

01:22:48.000 Yeah.

01:22:48.000 No.

01:22:49.000 Oh, God.

01:22:50.000 There's so much.

01:22:51.000 Just like he threw his friend under the bus and he fell over and over again.

01:22:55.000 LaMare.

01:22:56.000 People are doing that.

01:22:58.000 On Instagram with horrible shit.

01:23:00.000 Last night, he was like, oh no.

01:23:03.000 As soon as I got in the club, I was like, I need security footage.

01:23:07.000 And then he was like, oh no, everyone's gonna see me fall.

01:23:09.000 And I was like, I'm doing Rogan tomorrow.

01:23:11.000 He was like, oh no!

01:23:14.000 I was like, 10 million people at least.

01:23:18.000 It adds to his charm, though.

01:23:19.000 Yeah, that's what I was telling him about.

01:23:20.000 He's the funniest guy ever.

01:23:23.000 Everybody's shit their pants and everybody's falling.

01:23:25.000 Exactly.

01:23:25.000 Yeah, I shit my pants just last week.

01:23:27.000 Really?

01:23:27.000 I thought I was gonna fart in my house.

01:23:29.000 I felt it come out wet.

01:23:30.000 I was like, you son of a bitch.

01:23:32.000 You know what, sometimes that's kind of nice, though.

01:23:33.000 You get a midday shower.

01:23:34.000 I was on my way out the door.

01:23:35.000 I was on my way to do a podcast.

01:23:39.000 Shit my pants.

01:23:40.000 Shit your fucking pants.

01:23:41.000 Goddammit.

01:23:44.000 Rinse them off in the sink.

01:23:45.000 Yeah, I'm usually good about shards.

01:23:47.000 Yeah, I guess you have to.

01:23:48.000 Yeah.

01:23:49.000 Yeah, true.

01:23:49.000 I usually can, like, sometimes I surprise myself.

01:23:51.000 I'm like, I definitely shit myself.

01:23:52.000 And I'm like, no, I didn't.

01:23:53.000 Bro, one time I was coming home from Fear Factor.

01:23:55.000 I just have a sweaty ass.

01:23:56.000 And I farted.

01:23:56.000 One time I was coming home from Fear Factor, and I just, I was fighting it.

01:24:01.000 I was fighting it.

01:24:02.000 You let it go?

01:24:03.000 There was a battle.

01:24:04.000 You let it go?

01:24:05.000 It was like, oh god, it was cramp.

01:24:08.000 And I just filled my pants.

01:24:11.000 I mean, filled.

01:24:13.000 I mean, filled.

01:24:15.000 Like, where I immediately felt it in my socks.

01:24:18.000 Like, right away.

01:24:19.000 I was like, oh, good lord.

01:24:21.000 I mean, it rocketed out of my asshole.

01:24:25.000 The underwear was about as effective as our border wall.

01:24:29.000 It went down my legs.

01:24:31.000 I felt it in the back of my legs instantly.

01:24:34.000 I was like, oh, Christ.

01:24:36.000 It was an explosion.

01:24:37.000 I was holding back as long as I could.

01:24:41.000 And you released it.

01:24:42.000 It was like hanging off of a bridge.

01:24:44.000 And you realize you can't pull yourself up.

01:24:47.000 You just let go.

01:24:47.000 You go, that's it.

01:24:48.000 Where were you?

01:24:49.000 How far from your house?

01:24:50.000 I do not remember.

01:24:51.000 I just remember being in my car and just unloading on my SUV seats.

01:24:56.000 Oh!

01:24:59.000 I had a Lexus SUV. I just filled that front seat up with shit.

01:25:05.000 How did you clean that out?

01:25:06.000 What was the process?

01:25:07.000 I took it to the car wash, bro.

01:25:09.000 I cleaned it out myself and then I brought it to the car wash to get it detailed.

01:25:13.000 I didn't tell them I shit myself.

01:25:16.000 What the fuck, dude?

01:25:22.000 The Fear Factor guy just gave us a shitty truck.

01:25:25.000 Hopefully he had leather seats, man.

01:25:26.000 Leather seats.

01:25:27.000 Oh yeah, they were leather.

01:25:28.000 That's good for dumps.

01:25:29.000 Cloth.

01:25:29.000 A lot better than cloth, bro.

01:25:30.000 It gets in that foam.

01:25:31.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:25:32.000 It never comes out.

01:25:32.000 It's over.

01:25:33.000 Do-do in your foam.

01:25:34.000 It's over.

01:25:34.000 You gotta cut that foam out.

01:25:36.000 Dude, if someone throws up in your car, it smells forever.

01:25:38.000 It's over.

01:25:38.000 You gotta burn it and say, oh, it caught on fire.

01:25:41.000 Bring it to the dealership.

01:25:42.000 I did not shit myself.

01:25:44.000 I definitely didn't shit myself, but I caught my front seat on fire.

01:25:48.000 My friend shit himself at work when we worked together and he drove home like sneakily to like change his pants.

01:25:53.000 We were like younger too.

01:25:54.000 We were in high school.

01:25:54.000 And his mom was outside and she was like, what are you doing?

01:25:57.000 He's like, I shit my pants.

01:25:59.000 And she made him get undressed and host them all outside.

01:26:03.000 Oh my god.

01:26:04.000 He was like, it's so fucking embarrassing.

01:26:06.000 Yeah, it's as embarrassing as it gets, dude.

01:26:08.000 Getting hosed by your mom because you shit your pants.

01:26:11.000 Your mom's clean after half.

01:26:13.000 Garden hose.

01:26:15.000 He was poured into the driveway.

01:26:16.000 She's getting thumb on it to make it blast.

01:26:20.000 She's getting thumb on it.

01:26:24.000 It's really focusing.

01:26:26.000 Cleaning on the...

01:26:27.000 You gotta just...

01:26:28.000 You gotta just stand there.

01:26:30.000 I know, Mom.

01:26:31.000 Hose water's fucking freezing.

01:26:34.000 It's cold.

01:26:35.000 He said he was in his driveway, saw his house, and it just lost...

01:26:39.000 He's like, I lost it, dude.

01:26:40.000 At the goal line.

01:26:42.000 At the goal line.

01:26:43.000 Breaks his leg like a Clydesdale.

01:26:45.000 Oh.

01:26:47.000 At the goal.

01:26:49.000 I mean, that is where it gets you the second you...

01:26:51.000 I wasn't even close to my house.

01:26:53.000 I drove with the windows down smelling my own shit for a solid 25 minutes.

01:26:59.000 Oh my god, dude!

01:27:03.000 What was going through your head, though?

01:27:05.000 Like, did you accept it?

01:27:06.000 Were you like, this is unacceptable?

01:27:07.000 Yeah!

01:27:07.000 I shit myself!

01:27:08.000 I'm like, what are you gonna do?

01:27:10.000 I had ruthless diarrhea, whatever the hell was going on.

01:27:13.000 Yeah, you sick?

01:27:14.000 Yeah, it must have been.

01:27:15.000 I don't remember.

01:27:16.000 All I remember is that feeling, the feeling of, like, knowing you're gonna lose.

01:27:22.000 Yeah.

01:27:22.000 I'm gonna have to tap out.

01:27:24.000 I don't know if I'm blacking out.

01:27:25.000 I feel it.

01:27:27.000 It feels so good though, dude.

01:27:29.000 That was horrible.

01:27:30.000 Just give in and be like, fuck.

01:27:32.000 If I had made it to the toilet, it would have been amazing.

01:27:35.000 Dude.

01:27:35.000 It would have been one of the greatest victories of my career.

01:27:37.000 Matt gave me a bunch of micro-dose mushrooms.

01:27:41.000 Oh, yeah.

01:27:42.000 Took more than I should, and I was just on a walk.

01:27:45.000 I was like, I'll just have a nice walk around New York.

01:27:47.000 Dude, I got like two blocks away, and I was like, my stomach just went, and I was like, dude, I sprinted home.

01:27:54.000 I sprinted up.

01:27:56.000 Tommy was downstairs and heard me run up the steps, and he was like, what the fuck was that?

01:28:00.000 I've got some great victories in my shitting career, too.

01:28:03.000 Yeah, that was one of the biggest victories I've ever had.

01:28:04.000 When you get to the ball, you're like, oh!

01:28:08.000 The key works at the front door.

01:28:09.000 You're like, yes, yes.

01:28:10.000 You keep those muscles tight until you get to the ball, and you're quivering when you're pulling your pants down.

01:28:17.000 Oh, God.

01:28:17.000 You know those when you're like, I don't know if I'm going to make it.

01:28:20.000 Your teeth get all weird.

01:28:21.000 At the buzzer.

01:28:24.000 The three-pointers in the air.

01:28:26.000 It's Dave time, dude.

01:28:27.000 I got jammed in an Uber on the way to the airport.

01:28:30.000 It was like 6 in the morning, and it just, all of a sudden on the way, I was like, oh, fuck.

01:28:35.000 And I had like 20 minutes, and I was in the lady's car, like, sitting on one ass cheek.

01:28:38.000 It was so bad.

01:28:39.000 I had to look my ass up, and I was just letting out these, like, any fart could have been anything.

01:28:44.000 And I was like, I wanted to tell her, like, I'm sorry.

01:28:46.000 I was farting in the back of her car.

01:28:47.000 I could not do it.

01:28:48.000 I had to release pressure.

01:28:49.000 And you're sitting sideways.

01:28:51.000 She looks back!

01:28:53.000 Did you say sorry?

01:28:54.000 No.

01:28:55.000 She looks back at your launching.

01:28:58.000 I was at Terminal C. You're in the sideways launch position.

01:29:00.000 I was at Terminal C, and I'm like, Terminal A's fine.

01:29:02.000 I was like, where are you going?

01:29:03.000 I was like, Terminal C, and I got there.

01:29:04.000 I'm like, Terminal A's fine.

01:29:05.000 Damn, you jumped at the airport at the...

01:29:07.000 At the entrance, where all the homeless people go in, because anyone can get in.

01:29:10.000 I made it, and I sat down.

01:29:12.000 I saw there was no toilet paper, and I went, fuck it, and I had to just let it out.

01:29:15.000 What'd you do?

01:29:16.000 And luckily, dude, I went in my school bag, and my wife gave me...

01:29:21.000 Packet of Kleenex.

01:29:22.000 I saw them put it in my bag like weeks ago.

01:29:23.000 I'm like, dude, I don't leave that fucking shit in my bag.

01:29:25.000 She threw it in my bag and I went, what an angel.

01:29:28.000 Pulled the Kleenex out, wiped my ass out.

01:29:29.000 Woman's intuition.

01:29:30.000 It was.

01:29:30.000 It's a shit-to-ish.

01:29:31.000 It's a woman's touch.

01:29:31.000 Bro, after using these robot toilets to clean your butt, I get sad when I have to just wipe it.

01:29:37.000 Because I know it's gross.

01:29:39.000 It sucks, dude.

01:29:40.000 It's gross.

01:29:41.000 You're just smearing shit all over yourself.

01:29:43.000 All the way up.

01:29:43.000 Yeah.

01:29:44.000 You're like rubbing it to the point where you look at the tissue and it's reasonable.

01:29:49.000 That's reasonable.

01:29:49.000 There you go.

01:29:50.000 Oh, fuck my ass itches.

01:29:52.000 Yeah.

01:29:53.000 The bidets are so nice.

01:29:55.000 I got to put one on.

01:29:56.000 Oh, so nice.

01:29:57.000 I bought one from my old house and I tried to connect it and the fucking water sprayed everywhere so I got to hire a professional.

01:30:02.000 Yeah, hire somebody.

01:30:02.000 Yeah, I gotta get a bidet.

01:30:03.000 It's so nice.

01:30:04.000 Dude, in the fucking bathroom in the comedy club.

01:30:07.000 Oh, yeah.

01:30:08.000 It's nice.

01:30:08.000 Dude, we didn't have one for a while.

01:30:09.000 You've been shitting in there, dude?

01:30:10.000 Yes!

01:30:10.000 You've been shitting in the one bathroom?

01:30:11.000 I shit every time I do stand.

01:30:12.000 I can't help it.

01:30:13.000 There's a button that says defecate.

01:30:15.000 You ever hit that button?

01:30:16.000 Yes, brother.

01:30:16.000 I've hit all the buttons.

01:30:17.000 Really?

01:30:17.000 That's a pipe cleaner.

01:30:18.000 I haven't dumped there, I don't think.

01:30:20.000 Bro.

01:30:20.000 Dude.

01:30:22.000 What does it say?

01:30:23.000 North America through the 1700s, people were still wiping whatever they had on hand.

01:30:27.000 Oh, yeah.

01:30:28.000 Most common things were corn cobs and sea shells.

01:30:31.000 Pause on the corn cobs.

01:30:33.000 They scraped their asshole with sea shells.

01:30:36.000 Seashells?

01:30:36.000 But by the 1800s, paper was becoming more widely available.

01:30:39.000 Yeah, magazines!

01:30:40.000 And finally, in 1857, a New Yorker named Joseph Gayety introduced the first patented toilet paper.

01:30:46.000 Boss.

01:30:47.000 Wow.

01:30:50.000 1857. So until 1857, everyone was just, the Romans cleaned it behind the sea sponges.

01:30:55.000 That's nice.

01:30:56.000 That beats the fuck out of a seashell.

01:30:58.000 Attached to a stick.

01:30:58.000 Yeah.

01:30:59.000 Yeah, a lot of places in the world keep like a dish of water.

01:31:01.000 In the Middle East, you keep a dish of water above your toilet and use one hand to like splash water on your ass.

01:31:06.000 Huh.

01:31:09.000 I think that's the move.

01:31:11.000 The move is the sponge.

01:31:12.000 If you use the sponge, then you can clean the sponge off.

01:31:15.000 You can reuse it.

01:31:16.000 It's green.

01:31:18.000 Can you throw the sponge away, Jamie?

01:31:20.000 There's a pile of sponges in the toilet.

01:31:22.000 No, no, no.

01:31:22.000 You clean your sponge, you piece of shit.

01:31:25.000 Everybody gets one sponge.

01:31:27.000 It goes with your voter ID. It's a sea sponge.

01:31:30.000 Go get another one.

01:31:31.000 You don't have to put it on the end of a spear.

01:31:33.000 You hold it in your hand like a gentleman.

01:31:34.000 They would get old, though.

01:31:36.000 It's like you're buffing.

01:31:37.000 When you're buffing your hood.

01:31:38.000 Just buff your asshole with a sea sponge.

01:31:41.000 A sponge actually, that is nice.

01:31:42.000 That seems like a good move.

01:31:43.000 A thing for your car would feel great on your ass.

01:31:45.000 I might test a sponge.

01:31:48.000 So you have a toilet, and right next to the toilet, you got like a basin, and the water's flowing.

01:31:53.000 You dunk your sponge in there, clean it out, uh-huh.

01:31:56.000 It's a nice sound, too.

01:31:57.000 It's not bad.

01:31:57.000 It's water dripping in.

01:31:59.000 Unless you just got a mess.

01:32:02.000 Chunky, thick, frozen yogurt.

01:32:05.000 You're never getting it out of sponge.

01:32:08.000 It's deep.

01:32:09.000 It's all over your ass cheeks.

01:32:11.000 You're wiping your legs.

01:32:12.000 It's all the way up your back.

01:32:13.000 It's dripping down your legs now.

01:32:16.000 What the fuck did I do?

01:32:18.000 You're used and shared by fellow butt wipers.

01:32:20.000 Oh, they were used and shared.

01:32:22.000 You don't have your own.

01:32:23.000 Of course.

01:32:23.000 Why would you have your own, Jamie?

01:32:25.000 Yeah, it's fucking Rome, dude.

01:32:27.000 Okay, so if one of the Farika visitors had intestinal worms, all the others would carry them home, too.

01:32:33.000 Without any knowledge of how diseases spread, the overall Roman toilet setup could hardly be called hygienic by modern standards yet.

01:32:39.000 You know how they told me to test kids for worms?

01:32:41.000 They said, put a piece of scotch tape on your kid's butthole while sleeping, and the worms come out of the butthole at night, and they'll get stuck in the scotch tape.

01:32:49.000 What?

01:32:49.000 Yeah, I had a doctor tell my wife this today.

01:32:51.000 Don't you have to shine a light on your kid's asshole to see the worms coming out at night?

01:32:57.000 I heard that story.

01:32:58.000 They want us to put Scotch tape on the b-hole.

01:33:00.000 Mayo Clinic says to do that too.

01:33:01.000 Press the adhesive side of a piece of transparent tape to the skin around the anus of the person you suspect as pinworms as soon as the person awakens.

01:33:09.000 The eggs stick to the tape.

01:33:10.000 When you take the tape to your appointment so the doctor can look at pinworms or eggs under a microscope.

01:33:15.000 Interesting.

01:33:16.000 Isn't that fucking crazy?

01:33:16.000 Bro, this is a crazy video of a black bear.

01:33:19.000 This black bear is walking and it's got worms.

01:33:22.000 It's got worms coming out of its butt.

01:33:24.000 Like a giant one.

01:33:25.000 Like garden noses.

01:33:27.000 Like garden noses.

01:33:29.000 Hanging out of his ass.

01:33:33.000 How crazy is that?

01:33:34.000 His face.

01:33:35.000 He's like, I know, dude.

01:33:37.000 This sucks.

01:33:38.000 This is embarrassing.

01:33:39.000 The size of those worms.

01:33:40.000 What must be going on in their gut?

01:33:42.000 Oh my god.

01:33:43.000 The worms must be getting most of the food.

01:33:45.000 Yeah.

01:33:46.000 Oh, that's so nasty.

01:33:48.000 If they're making their way all the way out through your asshole, that thick, look at that, those thick COVID vaccine-like ropes.

01:33:57.000 You know those blood clots that you find on Reddit?

01:34:01.000 That's what it looks like.

01:34:02.000 Look at that fucking length of that thing.

01:34:04.000 Look at that one, that one you just showed, Jamie?

01:34:07.000 But look at the length!

01:34:08.000 Oh my god, look at the length of that!

01:34:10.000 Look at the worms behind him!

01:34:12.000 Oh, brother, that tree's not the answer, man.

01:34:14.000 No, that's good, though, for now.

01:34:16.000 True.

01:34:17.000 Imagine having no idea what's going on in your butt.

01:34:18.000 Jamie, get that bear racking his nuts doing that.

01:34:21.000 It's pretty great.

01:34:22.000 He has no idea what's going on in his butt.

01:34:23.000 Let's change the subject from diarrhea and worms.

01:34:26.000 Bro, that's crazy.

01:34:28.000 That's terrible.

01:34:29.000 That's crazy.

01:34:29.000 It's kind of sad.

01:34:30.000 You ever see that bear get hit in the nuts?

01:34:32.000 This one?

01:34:33.000 Yeah, it's pretty wonderful.

01:34:34.000 This is great.

01:34:35.000 This is one of the greatest videos ever.

01:34:39.000 There we go.

01:34:40.000 Gear it up.

01:34:41.000 What's he doing?

01:34:42.000 Scratching his head.

01:34:43.000 Scratching, man.

01:34:45.000 God, that's got to feel fucking awesome.

01:34:51.000 Yeah, look at him.

01:34:52.000 He's just rubbing his back.

01:34:53.000 Is there any other animal that does that?

01:34:55.000 Oh, no!

01:34:58.000 Oh, he caught himself.

01:35:02.000 Look at him.

01:35:04.000 He's like, oh, my nuts.

01:35:05.000 Oh, my nuts.

01:35:07.000 Instantly just a dude.

01:35:09.000 It took like a good ten seconds to fully kick in on him.

01:35:13.000 They are absolutely the coolest animal.

01:35:15.000 Yeah.

01:35:15.000 They're the coolest.

01:35:16.000 Grizzly would kill a gorilla, dude.

01:35:19.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:35:20.000 Really?

01:35:21.000 Yeah, bro.

01:35:22.000 It's a hot take.

01:35:22.000 I'm tired of these people saying gorillas would fuck up a grizzly.

01:35:25.000 Yeah, that's crazy.

01:35:26.000 Grizzlies are fucking...

01:35:28.000 They're huge!

01:35:29.000 They run 40 miles an hour.

01:35:31.000 Well, there's different types.

01:35:33.000 What?

01:35:34.000 There's different types.

01:35:35.000 There's mountain grizzlies and then there's coastal brown bears.

01:35:39.000 Which are the same species, but they have much more access to protein.

01:35:42.000 They're just eating salmon all day.

01:35:43.000 And moose.

01:35:44.000 Those things are giant.

01:35:46.000 Damn.

01:35:46.000 Look how fast they run.

01:35:47.000 Yeah, dude.

01:35:48.000 They run so fast.

01:35:49.000 But more importantly...

01:35:51.000 Oh my god.

01:35:52.000 But believe it or not, John Donaher and Lex Friedman had a conversation about this that I saw.

01:35:57.000 It was hilarious.

01:35:57.000 About who would win.

01:35:59.000 A gorilla, a bear, a grizzly bear, or a lion.

01:36:03.000 And what he was...

01:36:04.000 Lions getting rocked.

01:36:05.000 Right?

01:36:06.000 Well...

01:36:07.000 Easy.

01:36:08.000 No, no, probably not.

01:36:11.000 Really?

01:36:11.000 Yeah, probably not.

01:36:13.000 No.

01:36:14.000 No, I'm out.

01:36:15.000 Yeah.

01:36:16.000 It's hard to say.

01:36:17.000 I'm out.

01:36:17.000 It's hard to say.

01:36:19.000 Lions are pretty big.

01:36:21.000 You know, a big male lion, a tiger would.

01:36:24.000 A big, like, Siberian, and those really enormous tigers.

01:36:27.000 I watched a sloth bear hold his own against a fucking tiger recently.

01:36:33.000 That's just a shitty, mangy, shitty bear.

01:36:36.000 Those are very aggressive bears.

01:36:38.000 A grizzly.

01:36:39.000 Sloth bears are very aggressive.

01:36:40.000 They kill a lot of people.

01:36:41.000 That was the first time I met you.

01:36:43.000 I showed you a sloth bear killing a man.

01:36:46.000 The day we met.

01:36:48.000 The first time we did an open mic together, I was like, yo, check this out.

01:36:52.000 It was the bear eating a guy.

01:36:53.000 He showed me a guy jump off a building and I was like, sick.

01:36:56.000 That was a rough one.

01:36:56.000 This is a bear versus a tiger.

01:36:58.000 This is actually very nice.

01:36:59.000 That sloth bear is defending its cub.

01:37:02.000 It's a very nice moment, dude.

01:37:04.000 Yeah, that's a small tiger.

01:37:06.000 And that soft bear gets rocked and hangs in there.

01:37:09.000 Yeah.

01:37:10.000 Damn, dude.

01:37:11.000 They're tough, dude.

01:37:12.000 They're tough.

01:37:12.000 A grizzly would go nuts on that thing.

01:37:14.000 Fuck, they're lying up.

01:37:15.000 Maybe that size tiger.

01:37:17.000 That's not a very big tiger.

01:37:18.000 It depends on how big they are.

01:37:20.000 It's just, the thing about grizzlies and lions, they're the ones that have the giant advantage because they kill shit all the time.

01:37:25.000 This is one of the things that Don Hurst said, like, Gorillas don't really kill anything.

01:37:30.000 Silverbacks have canines that are just for posturing.

01:37:33.000 They're just like for showing their fangs.

01:37:35.000 It's weird.

01:37:36.000 It's weird that they have canines because they don't kill anything.

01:37:38.000 Every other thing that has canines as big as a gorilla kills things.

01:37:41.000 They just eat vegetables.

01:37:43.000 Yeah, true.

01:37:44.000 I wonder if they ever ate meat.

01:37:45.000 Will monkeys eat meat at all?

01:37:47.000 Yeah, monkeys do.

01:37:48.000 Chimps do.

01:37:49.000 Chimps are very carnivorous.

01:37:51.000 Chimps are very carnivorous.

01:37:52.000 They eat a lot of meat.

01:37:53.000 They eat a lot of monkeys.

01:37:54.000 They eat monkeys.

01:37:55.000 A lot of monkeys.

01:37:55.000 Really?

01:37:56.000 They'll eat deers.

01:37:57.000 They eat monkeys.

01:37:58.000 They eat everything they can catch.

01:37:59.000 But they eat fruit.

01:38:00.000 If it's available, they eat the fruit.

01:38:01.000 But really what they want is monkeys.

01:38:03.000 That's their favorite thing to eat.

01:38:04.000 Damn.

01:38:05.000 Yeah.

01:38:05.000 They found out.

01:38:06.000 You remember Chimp Heppler?

01:38:07.000 David Attenborough.

01:38:08.000 Yeah, yeah, true.

01:38:08.000 They were, like, fucking with those things.

01:38:09.000 Well, I had the director on.

01:38:10.000 He said they didn't even show all the chimps eating monkeys.

01:38:13.000 He's like, what?

01:38:14.000 So often.

01:38:14.000 He was like, it's their favorite thing to do.

01:38:16.000 Oh.

01:38:17.000 Yeah, look at the size of that cat.

01:38:18.000 Imagine if that motherfucker walks in.

01:38:20.000 Fuck, dude.

01:38:21.000 Siberian versus Bengal tiger, as it said.

01:38:23.000 Yeah, that's a Siberian.

01:38:24.000 They look the same.

01:38:25.000 Good move.

01:38:27.000 Show the belly.

01:38:28.000 The guy's like, no thanks.

01:38:29.000 I like that guy chilling.

01:38:32.000 He's just walking around that cage like Francis Ngano.

01:38:36.000 Get the fuck out of my way.

01:38:39.000 Damn, dude.

01:38:41.000 Yeah.

01:38:42.000 So that thing against a grizzly?

01:38:44.000 I don't know.

01:38:45.000 But grizzlies are fucking insanely durable, man.

01:38:48.000 The thing about that, they're designed to fight.

01:38:50.000 A cat is not necessarily designed to fight.

01:38:52.000 They're designed to kill things.

01:38:53.000 Grizzlies fight each other all the time, and they fight for like 20 minutes.

01:38:58.000 And they tear each other apart, and they don't get hurt.

01:39:01.000 That's a good point.

01:39:02.000 Their skin is so flexible and so thick that they get just bit down on, and they're shaking each other, and then they just shake it off.

01:39:10.000 Like nothing happened.

01:39:11.000 Yeah, I'm still, I'm grizzly on this.

01:39:13.000 What's the gorilla's...

01:39:14.000 It's a good possibility.

01:39:16.000 The thing is like a cat.

01:39:17.000 Super strength?

01:39:18.000 Yeah.

01:39:18.000 Yeah, just strong as fuck.

01:39:19.000 And smart.

01:39:20.000 The gorilla's smart.

01:39:21.000 True.

01:39:22.000 But they're gonna get fucked up.

01:39:24.000 They're gonna get fucked up.

01:39:25.000 You're taking a big cat against a gorilla?

01:39:27.000 A gorilla?

01:39:28.000 No.

01:39:28.000 I'm not necessarily taking the big cat against a grizzly.

01:39:31.000 But maybe.

01:39:32.000 Because I don't think, I don't think the big cat is used to fighting.

01:39:37.000 Grizzlies fight so much.

01:39:39.000 Like, they know how to fight.

01:39:41.000 Like, I think it would know how to hold the cat down.

01:39:44.000 Those cats fight.

01:39:45.000 Yeah, but...

01:39:45.000 I think they have to fight.

01:39:47.000 Don't they kill all the...

01:39:48.000 They get killed.

01:39:49.000 They get kicked out of the fucking group.

01:39:50.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:39:51.000 But grizzlies fight, like, every year.

01:39:53.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:39:53.000 Grizzlies are out there.

01:39:54.000 They're like Tyson in their prime.

01:39:56.000 It's every two weeks.

01:39:57.000 Get in front of each other.

01:39:59.000 I've seen bears fight in the wild.

01:40:00.000 Really?

01:40:01.000 Yeah, it's wild, see.

01:40:02.000 It's wild.

01:40:03.000 These bears were going at it.

01:40:04.000 I was in Alberta.

01:40:06.000 And the way they hunt bears out there, the forest out there is like a box of Q-tips.

01:40:10.000 You can't see shit.

01:40:11.000 You can't see shit.

01:40:12.000 So the way they hunt bears, they have an enormous bear population.

01:40:16.000 It's like they're infested with black bears.

01:40:18.000 They leave bait out.

01:40:19.000 They need to eat like donuts or something sweet.

01:40:22.000 Yeah.

01:40:23.000 And then the bears come to that.

01:40:24.000 So these bears know where this one, or they leave a dead beaver.

01:40:27.000 That's another thing they leave.

01:40:28.000 So the bears know when the bait is there, and so they'll decide who gets the bait, or they'll decide that a female is hot and she's ready to have sex, and they'll fight over the female.

01:40:38.000 But I watch these two dudes just go at it.

01:40:40.000 Just...

01:40:40.000 Just go at it, like, 30 yards away from him.

01:40:44.000 Like, this is wild.

01:40:45.000 It's terrifying.

01:40:45.000 Yeah.

01:40:46.000 It's wild.

01:40:48.000 Yeah, the black bears are prevalent in the Poconos in Pennsylvania.

01:40:52.000 They're kind of sissies.

01:40:53.000 They are.

01:40:54.000 Well, I mean, they're at least like, they don't fuck with people.

01:40:57.000 They run away.

01:40:59.000 That's what they do.

01:41:00.000 Dude, my neighbor, when I was up there, the guy who stayed next to us was like, I'll walk down the driveway with him.

01:41:04.000 I'm like, dude, you're out of your fucking mind, man.

01:41:05.000 You're out of your fucking mind.

01:41:06.000 That's crazy.

01:41:07.000 Jamie, there's a video of, I think it was a black bear, getting into a dude's cabin.

01:41:11.000 Really?

01:41:11.000 And he's like, there's no, you can tell it's just a bro.

01:41:14.000 He's like, dude, I think there's something in the kitchen.

01:41:17.000 And then he's like, holy fuck, it's a bear dude, holy fuck.

01:41:19.000 Then it comes up the step, like it's...

01:41:21.000 I don't know, Jamie, find that, because I sound like a dumbass.

01:41:25.000 He killed a kid at Rutgers a few years back.

01:41:27.000 A kid got killed by a black bear?

01:41:29.000 At Rutgers.

01:41:30.000 Fuck, man.

01:41:30.000 Yeah, he was going to school at Rutgers in New Jersey.

01:41:32.000 The Stress Factory?

01:41:33.000 New Jersey, yeah, the Stress Factory.

01:41:35.000 New Jersey has the highest population of bears per capita in the country.

01:41:38.000 What?

01:41:39.000 Wow.

01:41:39.000 Yeah, New Jersey does.

01:41:40.000 New Jersey State, when the governor, who's currently in, when he was running, one of the things he was running on was stopping the bear hunt.

01:41:47.000 Chris Christie.

01:41:47.000 Because people were upset.

01:41:49.000 People were upset that people were hunting bears.

01:41:51.000 Like, the people that live in Newark and cities.

01:41:54.000 Like, what are you doing, Hackensack?

01:41:55.000 You're hunting bears.

01:41:57.000 They kept that law for two years.

01:41:59.000 And then he's like, forget it.

01:42:00.000 Start hunting bears again.

01:42:01.000 So many bear interactions with people.

01:42:03.000 They were going up so high.

01:42:04.000 They were fucking up people's garbage cans.

01:42:08.000 Yeah, they come in the Poconos.

01:42:09.000 You gotta lock your thing up.

01:42:10.000 Because they come, like, every Sunday they're coming.

01:42:13.000 I was fucking terrified of them.

01:42:15.000 My family and I, we got a house in the Poconos, and the deer are everywhere.

01:42:20.000 Everywhere.

01:42:20.000 And they are fucking disgusting.

01:42:23.000 Yeah, you gotta shoot them.

01:42:23.000 Dude, we walk outside, there's just the most mangy fucking deer you've ever seen.

01:42:28.000 Well, they also might have chronic wasting disease.

01:42:30.000 They're fucked up.

01:42:30.000 Oh, dude, that's fucked up.

01:42:31.000 My brother saw that.

01:42:32.000 They just drown themselves and stuff.

01:42:34.000 Scary.

01:42:34.000 They call it like a zombie disease.

01:42:37.000 It's a prion disease.

01:42:38.000 Look at this bear.

01:42:39.000 Awesome.

01:42:39.000 That guy's just chilling.

01:42:40.000 No idea.

01:42:41.000 Oh!

01:42:43.000 I said, what the fuck?

01:42:44.000 Dude, there's one.

01:42:45.000 There's an Asian lady taking a nap and a bear comes over and starts sniffing her face.

01:42:50.000 The thing about bears...

01:42:51.000 Sorry.

01:42:52.000 Black bears, if you get attacked by a black bear, it's more likely trying to eat you.

01:42:56.000 Oh, really?

01:42:57.000 Yeah.

01:42:57.000 If you get attacked by a grizzly bear, it's more likely you shocked it, like you came near its cubs, that kind of thing.

01:43:04.000 Or might want to eat you, too.

01:43:07.000 That's possible, too.

01:43:07.000 But with black bears, it's more likely that they're just hungry.

01:43:11.000 Fuck, dude.

01:43:14.000 Wasn't Grizzly Man there when they started to get hungry?

01:43:16.000 Isn't that what happened?

01:43:17.000 Yeah, he stayed.

01:43:18.000 He hung out.

01:43:19.000 He stayed.

01:43:19.000 They were like, don't be there during that season.

01:43:21.000 Yeah, there were bears that were so hungry they couldn't hibernate.

01:43:24.000 They didn't have enough fat to hibernate.

01:43:26.000 Fuck.

01:43:26.000 It was an old bear, and he just didn't have any food.

01:43:29.000 You know?

01:43:29.000 He got a good meal.

01:43:30.000 Yeah.

01:43:31.000 He became a bear in the end of it.

01:43:33.000 Just sniffing this lady.

01:43:35.000 That's a guy.

01:43:37.000 Dude.

01:43:37.000 Sleep.

01:43:39.000 He wakes up and sees a bear.

01:43:41.000 A bear was fucking with his shoes.

01:43:43.000 Bro.

01:43:46.000 Yeah.

01:43:47.000 You know, they're cool.

01:43:49.000 You just don't want a lot of them near you.

01:43:51.000 Yeah.

01:43:52.000 I don't want any of them.

01:43:52.000 Do you know they used to eat them and not eat deer?

01:43:55.000 They'd eat bears?

01:43:56.000 Yeah, the pioneers.

01:43:57.000 Like, when they first started establishing America, they would eat bear and they would use the deer for skins.

01:44:03.000 That's why a dollar is called a buck.

01:44:07.000 That was the amount of money you could get for one deer skin.

01:44:10.000 What?

01:44:10.000 Yeah, they didn't eat deer, which is crazy.

01:44:12.000 What's bear taste like?

01:44:13.000 It tastes good.

01:44:14.000 It's closer to beef.

01:44:15.000 That's why.

01:44:16.000 And so they were eating bear and they were just using the deer for skins.

01:44:22.000 I like to think of that, the guys that got to North America and ran into fucking grizzlies, like from Europe.

01:44:28.000 Yo.

01:44:29.000 You're like, what?

01:44:30.000 Well, Europe has a lot of brown bears.

01:44:31.000 Yeah?

01:44:31.000 Yeah.

01:44:32.000 Yeah, Russia has some of the craziest brown bears.

01:44:34.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:44:34.000 But Germany has brown bears.

01:44:36.000 I think someone could get killed by a brown bear.

01:44:39.000 Germany has brown bears?

01:44:40.000 Pretty sure.

01:44:40.000 No way.

01:44:41.000 Yeah.

01:44:41.000 Not anymore.

01:44:42.000 I don't know.

01:44:43.000 Oh, yeah.

01:44:43.000 I guess they got those forests.

01:44:45.000 There's bears in the forest in certain parts of Europe, I know for sure.

01:44:49.000 I know they have brown bears out there.

01:44:51.000 Yeah.

01:44:52.000 Lobster was like prison food when it first came.

01:44:54.000 Isn't that crazy?

01:44:55.000 Yeah, lobster, it was considered disgusting.

01:44:57.000 It was a bug they found near the boats.

01:44:59.000 They feed it to prisoners.

01:45:01.000 They would get them out of the East River and serve them to people at bars.

01:45:03.000 It was bar food.

01:45:04.000 First bear in Germany in 16 years.

01:45:06.000 Okay, yeah, there it is.

01:45:09.000 First wild bear in Germany, 170 years.

01:45:11.000 Alright, I was close.

01:45:11.000 Okay, that must have been one I read.

01:45:13.000 So are there bears in Spain?

01:45:15.000 Is that what it is?

01:45:16.000 Are there brown bears in Spain?

01:45:19.000 Oh so.

01:45:20.000 But there's definitely some...

01:45:21.000 Russia has some craziness in my brain.

01:45:24.000 What is that?

01:45:24.000 I was like, you know, you drink enough and start remembering Spanish.

01:45:28.000 I was like, oh so.

01:45:30.000 For a bear.

01:45:30.000 I think that might be a bear.

01:45:31.000 It is.

01:45:32.000 Nice.

01:45:33.000 It's actually the new vodka.

01:45:34.000 Oh, really?

01:45:36.000 Tom and Bert have a vodka.

01:45:39.000 It's called Oso?

01:45:40.000 Oh, what a great name.

01:45:42.000 Hell yeah.

01:45:43.000 Perfect.

01:45:44.000 I just saw the ad and you said Oso.

01:45:45.000 I thought you were talking about the vodka itself.

01:45:47.000 Oh.

01:45:48.000 Oso.

01:45:49.000 I thought you were talking about that dude who was the guru in Wild Wild Country.

01:45:52.000 That guy ruled.

01:45:53.000 That guy ruled.

01:45:54.000 Oh, Osho.

01:45:55.000 The people are retarded.

01:45:57.000 Dude, Osho's books are good.

01:45:58.000 For the people, by the people, of the people.

01:46:02.000 But the people are retarded.

01:46:05.000 God damn it.

01:46:06.000 For the retarded, of the retarded, by the retarded.

01:46:11.000 You're watching it, you're like, Dan, this guy's a genius.

01:46:13.000 This is, wow, this is going to be really insightful.

01:46:15.000 It's so deep.

01:46:16.000 But the people are retarded.

01:46:17.000 God damn it.

01:46:18.000 This is something I would say.

01:46:19.000 This guy's not smart.

01:46:21.000 I think he's right, man.

01:46:22.000 I think he's on it, man.

01:46:23.000 Bro.

01:46:25.000 Second language, too.

01:46:26.000 Look at him.

01:46:27.000 Such a G. Government.

01:46:31.000 Government.

01:46:32.000 By the people.

01:46:35.000 Think of being in this meeting, like...

01:46:36.000 Of the people.

01:46:38.000 Yeah.

01:46:39.000 For the people.

01:46:43.000 But the people are retarded.

01:46:49.000 That's why you look next to you and your friend's like, what?

01:46:52.000 Wait a minute, we think we might have fucking bet on the wrong guru, man.

01:46:55.000 What are you doing?

01:46:56.000 You're in full lotus, just like, what?

01:46:58.000 You're in orange sweatsuits.

01:46:59.000 Knowing that you gambled on the wrong guru, that's why I'm so glad I got out of that first building.

01:47:05.000 That first building, I bought a first building before we bought the mothership, before that spot.

01:47:10.000 I bought a place that was owned by a cult.

01:47:13.000 Really?

01:47:13.000 There's a documentary on it called Holy Hell.

01:47:16.000 Oh, Duncan told me that.

01:47:17.000 Yeah, he told me you were in like a...

01:47:19.000 Was he still kicking around?

01:47:21.000 The guy's in Hawaii now.

01:47:22.000 Yeah.

01:47:22.000 Really?

01:47:23.000 He restarted.

01:47:24.000 He's a legend though.

01:47:24.000 You told me this guy's story.

01:47:25.000 This guy fucking rules.

01:47:27.000 Guy's a legend.

01:47:27.000 So the guy was a gay porn star and a hypnotist.

01:47:32.000 True.

01:47:33.000 Dangerous combo.

01:47:34.000 Dangerous combination.

01:47:34.000 It's the ultimate combo.

01:47:35.000 And a yoga instructor.

01:47:36.000 And beautiful, beautiful man.

01:47:39.000 What?

01:47:39.000 Amazing physique, six-pack, taught yoga.

01:47:42.000 But as he got older, he got creepy.

01:47:44.000 Started getting a lot of plastic surgery, lost his physique.

01:47:48.000 And so the Cult Awareness Network, it was like right after Waco.

01:47:52.000 Cult Awareness Network, they're cracking down on all these cults, you know, because Waco pops off, right?

01:47:56.000 Those motherfuckers.

01:47:57.000 So this motherfucker says, okay, I'm going to move to Austin, and just to throw people off who might be thinking I'm running a cult, I'm going to have my followers build me a theater so that I can dance in front of them.

01:48:08.000 And that was the place that I bought.

01:48:10.000 I bought that place.

01:48:11.000 It was going to be my comedy club.

01:48:13.000 Just a gay hypnotist dancer?

01:48:15.000 Well, I found out about it from Ron White.

01:48:17.000 Ron Wright's like, you should buy that theater that was owned by the cult.

01:48:20.000 I played there once.

01:48:21.000 It's a fucking awesome, beautiful place.

01:48:23.000 I go, really?

01:48:24.000 He goes, oh, yeah.

01:48:25.000 It's a good Ron White, by the way.

01:48:28.000 It's a really good Ron White.

01:48:29.000 Every time I talk to Ron White, I'm like, I'm friends with Ron White.

01:48:33.000 It's weird.

01:48:34.000 He's the man.

01:48:35.000 He might be the coolest dude.

01:48:36.000 Possible?

01:48:37.000 He's one of the greatest humans that's ever won.

01:48:39.000 He's so funny.

01:48:40.000 I love that guy to death.

01:48:40.000 So when he was telling me to buy the building, I was like, I'm buying that building.

01:48:43.000 It's for sale?

01:48:44.000 Let's go.

01:48:44.000 And I took him on the tour, and he's like, yeah, I fucking killed right here.

01:48:51.000 So we all looked at it.

01:48:52.000 We brought in architects and everything.

01:48:54.000 I mean, we were in the planning stages.

01:48:57.000 They had like a significant issue that wasn't addressed, that had to be addressed, and I got out of it.

01:49:02.000 Yeah, it's like buying a house and they're like, it's haunted.

01:49:05.000 Well, there was a lot of issues.

01:49:07.000 First of all, the people, they were not construction people that made that place.

01:49:10.000 But then on top of that, Adam Egott, Tells me about the documentary.

01:49:15.000 I did not know about the documentary.

01:49:17.000 I just knew Ron said, yeah, a cult owned it.

01:49:20.000 I'm like, a cult.

01:49:20.000 Yeah, whatever.

01:49:21.000 Normal stuff.

01:49:22.000 Yeah.

01:49:22.000 Bunch of flower people.

01:49:23.000 They probably did yoga and grew squash.

01:49:25.000 No.

01:49:26.000 No, no, no.

01:49:27.000 There was a lot of buttfuck.

01:49:28.000 Dudes were getting applause.

01:49:29.000 They were getting hypnotized and fucked, and then they had to pay.

01:49:32.000 They had to pay for the therapy.

01:49:34.000 So he'd give them therapy, they'd have to pay 50 bucks, and then he would fuck them.

01:49:39.000 Did it work?

01:49:43.000 That's the thing about the documentary that's wild.

01:49:47.000 This guy was a legitimate hypnotist, right?

01:49:49.000 And he had these people convinced that he could give them this thing called the knowing.

01:49:53.000 And the knowing was he would like place his hands on you.

01:49:56.000 It would have to be the right time, the right moment.

01:49:58.000 But these people, to this day, were saying it's the most amazing moment of their life.

01:50:03.000 It was pure ecstasy.

01:50:04.000 They connected to God.

01:50:06.000 Like he, through the power of suggestion, when he put his hands on them, they really did experience that thing.

01:50:13.000 So he really did have that power.

01:50:16.000 He really, really actually did.

01:50:18.000 If you're a gullible person who's likely to join a cult in the first place, you're kind of a sucker, you're not skeptical, you believe this, and then you find yourself in the woods, and you're on your knees, and this guy's over you, and he puts his hands on your temples, and they would just go into full bliss.

01:50:35.000 And it's wild because it's in the movie, and it doesn't look like they're faking it.

01:50:39.000 It looks like they're having this wild, transcendent experience.

01:50:41.000 Like someone just gives them a full-on mushroom trip.

01:50:44.000 Just fucking whop!

01:50:46.000 Just hits them with a giant dose of acid.

01:50:48.000 Damn.

01:50:48.000 And they're just like...

01:50:49.000 And they talk about it afterwards.

01:50:52.000 Even they're talking shit about him.

01:50:54.000 Even afterwards.

01:50:55.000 Like 20 years later when they're talking shit about him.

01:50:57.000 They talk about him.

01:50:58.000 They believed in him so much.

01:51:00.000 He was yoked.

01:51:01.000 Yeah, he was beautiful.

01:51:03.000 He was beautiful.

01:51:04.000 He had a six-pack.

01:51:05.000 He was a yoga instructor.

01:51:06.000 See, he would give them this thing, man.

01:51:08.000 He would touch them in the head.

01:51:09.000 And by the way, some of them, he would hold it back from them.

01:51:12.000 He wouldn't give it to them.

01:51:13.000 No, no, you're not ready.

01:51:14.000 Like, no, I'm ready.

01:51:16.000 And so they'd be complaining for years.

01:51:18.000 You are not ready.

01:51:19.000 Oh, man.

01:51:20.000 Show that again.

01:51:21.000 Show that again.

01:51:22.000 No!

01:51:24.000 He's throwing fruit in people's mouths, bro.

01:51:26.000 Look at the way he's tossed it sideways.

01:51:29.000 Yeah, it's nice.

01:51:30.000 This is, by the way, this is later in life when he's getting a little creepy looking.

01:51:33.000 So he starts getting a bunch of plastic surgery and weird shit to his face and his body kind of falls apart.

01:51:39.000 But that was him dancing.

01:51:40.000 That was him dancing at the One World Theater.

01:51:42.000 What?

01:51:43.000 Which was the place that I was going to buy.

01:51:46.000 That's it.

01:51:47.000 He had them build a theater so he could dance in front of them.

01:51:50.000 I mean, can you imagine seeing that guy and not hysterically laughing?

01:51:54.000 Well, as he got older, he just started looking like real weird men.

01:51:58.000 Like, real weird.

01:51:59.000 Like, look at him.

01:52:00.000 Yeah.

01:52:01.000 But when he was young, he was beautiful.

01:52:02.000 So that's the torment of youthful beauty.

01:52:05.000 You get older, it's fucking...

01:52:07.000 You become a monster.

01:52:07.000 Yeah, but even when he was young, it'd still be...

01:52:10.000 Like, if I saw a guy like...

01:52:11.000 Throw a fruit in some guy's mouth and be like, I'm out.

01:52:14.000 I bet he started throwing the fruit later in life.

01:52:17.000 Yeah, he started getting a little confident.

01:52:17.000 I bet he got a little cocky.

01:52:19.000 Yeah.

01:52:19.000 He'd been running that call for a couple of decades.

01:52:21.000 That's an older version of the dude.

01:52:23.000 Changed his name twice.

01:52:24.000 Look at that fucking hog, though, dude.

01:52:26.000 What's this guy?

01:52:26.000 He's like a Clydesdale.

01:52:27.000 He's been stuffing in all those butts.

01:52:29.000 This guy's problem.

01:52:30.000 Look at all those hungry mouths behind him.

01:52:32.000 Oh, look at him, dude.

01:52:33.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:52:34.000 Look at the other guy.

01:52:35.000 The other guy had his mouth open, too.

01:52:36.000 The guy in the back was like, I don't wanna...

01:52:38.000 Look at the dude in the back.

01:52:39.000 He's like...

01:52:39.000 Oh, my mouth.

01:52:41.000 Oh, oh, dude.

01:52:42.000 I probably said to him, I experienced it through you.

01:52:45.000 I felt it.

01:52:46.000 The ecstasy you had of catching master's fruit.

01:52:49.000 The gay buttfuck cult, man.

01:52:50.000 That's tough, man.

01:52:51.000 Bro, so they found out because in the early 2000s...

01:52:54.000 Might be worse than Waco.

01:52:55.000 A guy left.

01:52:57.000 A guy left the cult and sent a mass email.

01:53:00.000 He's like, yo, this guy's been hypnotizing me and buttfucking me for the past 10 years.

01:53:04.000 And then everybody else in the cult.

01:53:06.000 I swear to God, he's fucking good at it.

01:53:07.000 They really didn't know how many people he was doing that to.

01:53:10.000 Yeah.

01:53:10.000 And they all started sharing information.

01:53:12.000 What?

01:53:13.000 I mean, he ran this thing for a long time.

01:53:15.000 The thing they all say, though, is in the beginning, it was great.

01:53:18.000 In the beginning of the cult, they were just having meals together.

01:53:22.000 And they were going on nature hikes.

01:53:24.000 They were doing yoga together.

01:53:26.000 Then as later, I think as he got older, he couldn't get as many guys.

01:53:30.000 So he needed to fuck them.

01:53:32.000 Yeah.

01:53:32.000 When you get gross looking, the only people that'll fuck you are the people that think you're a master.

01:53:37.000 True.

01:53:37.000 You know, when you're young and hot.

01:53:40.000 Let me tell you something, Joe.

01:53:41.000 True.

01:53:42.000 I know!

01:53:43.000 That's why I came to you.

01:53:45.000 He's out there getting it.

01:53:47.000 He probably didn't need to fuck him in the early days.

01:53:49.000 I do like the idea of being in a cult, like the moment of clarity where you're like, oh.

01:53:54.000 Oh, it's so funny.

01:53:56.000 Dude, Waco is so funny to think of a guy being in there when they're like, the feds are coming, we've got to fight them off.

01:54:01.000 And me and a guy in the meeting, like...

01:54:04.000 Oh, no.

01:54:05.000 Shit.

01:54:05.000 And if you leave, they'll shoot you.

01:54:07.000 Yeah.

01:54:07.000 If you run out that door, you're going to get shot in the back.

01:54:10.000 You've got to run out in the middle of the night.

01:54:12.000 So you've got to plan it out.

01:54:14.000 You have a fucking toothbrush and a pair of underwear taped to your leg.

01:54:18.000 You've got to figure out how to get over the barbed wire.

01:54:21.000 You've got to run out with a roll of carpet.

01:54:23.000 You throw the roll of carpet over the barbed wire.

01:54:25.000 You've got it all planned.

01:54:26.000 You hear Khrush like, where are you going, buddy?

01:54:28.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:54:29.000 And you hear, kak, kak, kak, kak.

01:54:31.000 And you feel the hot lead.

01:54:33.000 I heard a lot of those North California grow-ups.

01:54:35.000 They had that thing, Triangle of something, on Netflix.

01:54:38.000 I've heard a long time ago they were like that.

01:54:40.000 People with hippie kids would be like, I'm gonna go trim on this guy's farm, and it's like, thinking it's gonna be some cool hippie guy, but these are like country, Northern California criminals.

01:54:49.000 They're like hot young hippy chicks running out there and getting like drugged and stuff.

01:54:52.000 It's like...

01:54:53.000 Well, that's a documentary series, Sasquatch.

01:54:56.000 Really?

01:54:56.000 That was nice.

01:54:57.000 Yeah.

01:54:57.000 That was cool.

01:54:58.000 Very good documentary series.

01:55:00.000 It's about...

01:55:01.000 They attributed a murder to Bigfoot.

01:55:04.000 They said, Bigfoot goes...

01:55:06.000 That makes sense.

01:55:07.000 Tell us fucking Bigfoot, dude.

01:55:09.000 Imagine how high you have to be.

01:55:11.000 Dude, just be like, oh fuck.

01:55:13.000 Bro, Bigfoot killed that cartel guy.

01:55:15.000 Fucking Sasquatch broke in and killed all the cartel guys.

01:55:18.000 That was nuts.

01:55:19.000 So it was so remote and so lawless that guys would come in and steal people's crops.

01:55:25.000 They'd rob people and shoot people.

01:55:27.000 And so it was like, these guys started off as hippies.

01:55:29.000 And then it became a business.

01:55:31.000 That has to be how every...

01:55:33.000 Like Loch Ness Monster, Sasquatch, every single monster was definitely just a guy killing a guy.

01:55:39.000 I mean, I fucking...

01:55:40.000 This chupacabra came out of nowhere.

01:55:43.000 Back in the day, poor DNA evidence that people believed in monsters.

01:55:47.000 True, that's a good idea.

01:55:49.000 Also, if you leave someone's body in the woods, like where there's wild pigs and animals, they're gonna eat that body quick.

01:55:57.000 All you have to do is leave the body for 24 hours.

01:56:00.000 And something's eating it.

01:56:01.000 A coyote's gonna eat it.

01:56:02.000 I don't remember if we talked about this.

01:56:03.000 No, no, I haven't seen this one.

01:56:05.000 This shit was so funny.

01:56:07.000 Love has won.

01:56:08.000 The cult of Mother God.

01:56:09.000 That's one of the rare cults run by a lady, too, right?

01:56:12.000 Yeah.

01:56:12.000 Yeah, we watched some of this.

01:56:14.000 Yeah, I was.

01:56:15.000 It is so funny.

01:56:16.000 There's a dude that shows up and just dominates the cult.

01:56:20.000 A dude does?

01:56:21.000 A dude takes over?

01:56:22.000 A dude shows up and just ruins everything.

01:56:24.000 There he was.

01:56:25.000 Yeah, she was fucking like, there he is.

01:56:27.000 He was the boyfriend.

01:56:29.000 He's a meth head.

01:56:30.000 Of course.

01:56:30.000 He's a meth head?

01:56:31.000 Yeah, he's like, gets out of prison or whatever, goes to this cult.

01:56:35.000 Amazing.

01:56:36.000 He said he was out raking leaves with all the community, and he just put his rake down and was like, I run this.

01:56:42.000 Wow.

01:56:42.000 And he just immediately started dominating everybody.

01:56:44.000 Oh, no.

01:56:45.000 Making them listen to heavy metal?

01:56:46.000 Dude, he'd put heavy metal on him and be like, this is power!

01:56:49.000 I'm power.

01:56:51.000 Oh my god.

01:56:52.000 Like a dude would get to fuck this lady and then he'd be like father god.

01:56:56.000 So she had like three father gods and the meth head dude came through and just shut down.

01:57:00.000 Discovering a mummified body laying in an enshrined queen-sized bed wrapped in a sleeping bag decorated with Christmas lights.

01:57:05.000 They believed silver.

01:57:07.000 What's it called?

01:57:08.000 What type of silver?

01:57:08.000 Colloidal silver.

01:57:09.000 They were like, that's gonna solve this.

01:57:11.000 So they were just crushing this lady with silver while she was an alcoholic.

01:57:15.000 Oh my god.

01:57:16.000 And she started turning blue.

01:57:18.000 As a 19-billion-year-old deity, Carlson claimed she could cure cancer while also drinking herself into oblivion every night.

01:57:29.000 What a wild lady!

01:57:30.000 Dude, wait till you see.

01:57:31.000 What a wild lady.

01:57:32.000 Bro, I'm watching that tonight.

01:57:33.000 She's got the galactics.

01:57:34.000 She channels her deity.

01:57:37.000 I'm writing this down then.

01:57:38.000 I'm going to set a reminder to watch this.

01:57:39.000 It's so funny.

01:57:40.000 Very funny.

01:57:41.000 Mother love, right?

01:57:42.000 Love has won.

01:57:43.000 Love has won.

01:57:44.000 Love has won?

01:57:45.000 She channels her...

01:57:46.000 They're called the Galactics.

01:57:48.000 It's a collection of people that...

01:57:50.000 Who knows?

01:57:52.000 They have spaceships.

01:57:54.000 They're going to pick her up.

01:57:55.000 The Galactics are really...

01:57:56.000 It's Robin Williams and Donald Trump, who's still alive.

01:58:00.000 They love Trump, which is so funny.

01:58:02.000 They do love Trump.

01:58:03.000 She's like, anytime she gets hammered, she's like, Robin Williams is channeling himself through me.

01:58:08.000 That's why I'm being mean to everybody.

01:58:10.000 She's just doing stand-up.

01:58:11.000 No, she just gets hammered and be like, fuck you, bitch, clean up all my shit.

01:58:14.000 Then the next day be like, damn, Robin Williams was crazy last night.

01:58:17.000 I'm sorry.

01:58:19.000 That's hilarious!

01:58:20.000 Then she starts taking silver and her cult believes her so much that when she starts to be like, I don't know guys, I think the silver might be killing me.

01:58:29.000 They're like, nah, the silver's good.

01:58:30.000 You're God.

01:58:31.000 She's like, I'm not God, I'm fucking hammered.

01:58:35.000 I've been hammered for 20 years.

01:58:37.000 Is that the same stuff that made that guy turn blue?

01:58:40.000 Remember when he was on Oprah?

01:58:41.000 This is what happened.

01:58:41.000 Did she turn blue as well?

01:58:42.000 She turns blue at the end.

01:58:44.000 Oh boy.

01:58:44.000 What did she look like at the end?

01:58:46.000 That.

01:58:47.000 Oh yeah.

01:58:48.000 Oh man.

01:58:49.000 She wasn't that old, right?

01:58:51.000 She was attractive, dude.

01:58:52.000 Show her before.

01:58:53.000 She was hot.

01:58:54.000 Oh, the silver.

01:58:56.000 Wow.

01:58:57.000 Jamie's still watching this on a sneak.

01:58:59.000 Jamie, you like that meat catch.

01:59:02.000 Look at that fucking dog, dude.

01:59:04.000 You little tiny dog watching guys catch meat.

01:59:09.000 She was very pretty.

01:59:11.000 She was pretty.

01:59:12.000 Look at that one.

01:59:15.000 Is that her too?

01:59:15.000 Yeah, that's her.

01:59:16.000 LinkedIn photo.

01:59:17.000 Wow.

01:59:17.000 LinkedIn.

01:59:18.000 LinkedIn.

01:59:19.000 Glad to see your business is doing well.

01:59:21.000 Yeah, it just became a business where the money guy is hilarious in it.

01:59:24.000 So she was running it for a while until the meth head came along.

01:59:27.000 She was so hot.

01:59:28.000 McDonald's manager to cult leader.

01:59:30.000 Wow, she was a McDonald's manager.

01:59:32.000 Yeah, she did it.

01:59:32.000 Hey, you can do it in this country.

01:59:33.000 Yeah.

01:59:34.000 If you have a good idea and you really work hard, you can.

01:59:37.000 You can die from rum and silver like a pirate.

01:59:40.000 What the fuck?

01:59:45.000 Rum and silver.

01:59:46.000 Was she drinking rum?

01:59:48.000 Bro, she was crushing shit.

01:59:51.000 She's hammered the whole time and then her meth head boyfriend shows up and he rules.

01:59:55.000 He does.

01:59:55.000 Oh my god.

01:59:56.000 He dominates everyone.

01:59:58.000 All the other guys are pussies and this dude shows up.

02:00:00.000 They all still believe though.

02:00:02.000 Oh my god.

02:00:02.000 That's such a dangerous thing.

02:00:05.000 Look at that guy.

02:00:05.000 Holy shit.

02:00:08.000 Super blue.

02:00:08.000 Colloidal server turns you blue.

02:00:10.000 Wow, he was a good looking guy before that.

02:00:12.000 What the fuck?

02:00:13.000 That's literally Papa Smurf.

02:00:15.000 That is, dude.

02:00:16.000 That's so crazy.

02:00:18.000 And they can't turn that.

02:00:18.000 It looks like William.

02:00:19.000 Over a decade.

02:00:20.000 Those look like William Montgomery.

02:00:22.000 Looks a little like William, the way he's smiling.

02:00:24.000 If he was bald, that's William Montgomery.

02:00:27.000 I am going to take colloidal silver.

02:00:29.000 William Montgomery should do that for Halloween.

02:00:32.000 Dude, blue face for Halloween?

02:00:34.000 He might get tackled in the street.

02:00:37.000 That guy had it too?

02:00:40.000 Wow.

02:00:41.000 That stuff is in the Alex Jones toothpaste.

02:00:44.000 Colloidal silver?

02:00:45.000 In the Alex Jones toothpaste?

02:00:46.000 I don't want to besmirch his company.

02:00:48.000 Too late.

02:00:50.000 I think the colloidal silver was in the toothpaste.

02:00:54.000 His dad's a dentist.

02:00:56.000 Alex Jones' dad's a dentist?

02:00:58.000 Yeah, man.

02:00:58.000 You ever listen to the program?

02:00:59.000 There it is.

02:01:01.000 Super blue.

02:01:03.000 That's an interesting ad.

02:01:05.000 Zoom in on that.

02:01:06.000 I gotta piss.

02:01:07.000 I gotta piss.

02:01:09.000 Matt, you can't be by yourself.

02:01:11.000 I'll take a break.

02:01:12.000 Let's take a break.

02:01:16.000 Yes.

02:01:17.000 Yes.

02:01:18.000 So much better.

02:01:18.000 Feels good, dude.

02:01:19.000 Yeah.

02:01:20.000 It's good to pee.

02:01:21.000 What's better?

02:01:21.000 Peeing or shitting?

02:01:23.000 Really?

02:01:24.000 Yeah.

02:01:25.000 Something about a good one.

02:01:26.000 A good one versus...

02:01:27.000 I mean, think about a good whiz.

02:01:30.000 They're both pretty good.

02:01:31.000 But a dump.

02:01:32.000 When you're holding a whiz and you get it?

02:01:34.000 What it is, it's like a clitoral orgasm that's peeing real hard, and then dumping is like having a cervical orgasm.

02:01:41.000 I'm just saying, if you had to compare it to something.

02:01:43.000 Yeah, that's one of those guys like, I stub my toe, it's just like childbirth.

02:01:46.000 Wait, there's fucking cervical orgasms?

02:01:49.000 Dude, I know.

02:01:50.000 What the fuck?

02:01:51.000 You know what Nate Lemaire fucked me up on?

02:01:53.000 Our friends were, I was talking to them, and they were saying dudes are now reviewing their dick size, like the dildo that's their dick size, and reading the reviews women leave of the dildo.

02:02:02.000 Oh, I'm not coming close to that.

02:02:04.000 I'm not looking at it, dude.

02:02:05.000 You gotta talk about negative comments.

02:02:06.000 Bro.

02:02:07.000 Dude.

02:02:09.000 My brain keeps dumping it.

02:02:10.000 It comes up, and I'm like, I'm gonna do it.

02:02:12.000 I would just get one of those little fucking tiny little buzzers.

02:02:15.000 If they had an Ozempic for dick size, and it gave you a bunch of side effects.

02:02:20.000 Side effects could be cancer.

02:02:22.000 Anything.

02:02:23.000 Fired up.

02:02:24.000 Diabetes.

02:02:24.000 Turning blue.

02:02:25.000 Guys would just take diabetes medication, have a giant hog.

02:02:29.000 But if you only take you have to keep taking it like it artificially inflates the size of your dick for a limited time Yeah, you have to bang it every couple of days all day Every couple days, you gotta bang it.

02:02:42.000 It'd be so hard to not do that.

02:02:44.000 Everybody would do it.

02:02:45.000 If they do, boy, that's the holy grail.

02:02:47.000 That's what I'm talking about, man.

02:02:48.000 What the fuck are they doing?

02:02:49.000 Yeah, what are they doing?

02:02:50.000 Making all this bullshit.

02:02:51.000 Talking around fucking flu vaccines.

02:02:52.000 Fuck that, dude.

02:02:53.000 Fix my dick.

02:02:55.000 Fix it.

02:02:56.000 I need someone to fix this.

02:02:57.000 Grow it.

02:02:59.000 Because I can't.

02:03:00.000 For world peace, if everyone of the same size dong, we might enter the age of peace.

02:03:04.000 I swear to God.

02:03:05.000 Or it'd be a bunch of big dick kings.

02:03:08.000 That might be too much.

02:03:08.000 Well, in a place like China, isn't there like a giant difference between the number of men versus the number of women?

02:03:15.000 Yeah.

02:03:16.000 You'd think they would chill the fuck out.

02:03:18.000 Why would they?

02:03:19.000 Just dudes balling out.

02:03:21.000 They're getting angry.

02:03:22.000 Yeah.

02:03:23.000 Limited supply.

02:03:24.000 Oh, so there's more dudes.

02:03:26.000 There's more dudes.

02:03:26.000 Are you calling China a sausage party?

02:03:28.000 They had the one child policy.

02:03:29.000 It's a complete sausage fest.

02:03:30.000 Right, so it's just dudes.

02:03:31.000 Oh, they don't let the other...

02:03:32.000 Yeah, they can have girls.

02:03:33.000 And we're like, damn.

02:03:34.000 They have dudes.

02:03:34.000 China's killing us in math and science.

02:03:36.000 Look at this.

02:03:36.000 In 2023, there were around 720 million male inhabitants and 689 female inhabitants.

02:03:43.000 That's a big difference.

02:03:44.000 Dude, that sucks.

02:03:46.000 That sucks.

02:03:48.000 Wow, there's 1.4 billion people in China.

02:03:51.000 That's crazy.

02:03:52.000 That's so many people.

02:03:53.000 They need to knock that off.

02:03:55.000 That's so many people, bro.

02:03:57.000 What is it, 690 and 720?

02:03:59.000 Is that what it was, Jamie?

02:04:00.000 No, it's 720 and 690. Yeah, you said it.

02:04:03.000 Yeah, so that's a solid 30 million, man.

02:04:07.000 That's a lot of people.

02:04:08.000 We're getting conflicted reports about China.

02:04:10.000 True.

02:04:10.000 You think they're pumping up the numbers?

02:04:11.000 I don't know what's going on, dude.

02:04:13.000 In terms of what?

02:04:14.000 I don't know.

02:04:14.000 Are they killing us?

02:04:15.000 Are they a paper tiger?

02:04:16.000 What is it?

02:04:18.000 The thing that scares the shit out of me is if they go into Taiwan.

02:04:21.000 Yeah.

02:04:22.000 And they seem to be saying they want to go into Taiwan.

02:04:25.000 Well, dude, they're going to have a population crisis in 30 years.

02:04:28.000 Biden will shut that down.

02:04:29.000 Oh, yeah.

02:04:30.000 Yeah, he's been, thankfully...

02:04:32.000 He's on the ball.

02:04:33.000 The thing I was worried about with Trump was, you know, it was like, if Trump gets elected, World War III will happen.

02:04:41.000 And then thankfully we avoided that, you know?

02:04:45.000 And there's definitely no chance.

02:04:47.000 I know, I know.

02:04:48.000 That's my opinion.

02:04:50.000 That's true.

02:04:51.000 Isn't that funny, though, that, like, anti-war used to be the left?

02:04:54.000 Dude, they love it now.

02:04:55.000 Used to be the left.

02:04:56.000 The left was all anti-war.

02:04:57.000 The left was, we gotta stop the wars.

02:04:59.000 The left was Jimmy Carter.

02:05:00.000 The left was, you know, in the wars.

02:05:02.000 It's like, alright, you have to be mindful of, like, don't microaggress a lady at a job, and then it's like, oh, but shoot that Russian guy between his fucking eyes.

02:05:12.000 It's like, what, dude?

02:05:14.000 It's like, make sure you get their name right at Starbucks.

02:05:15.000 I saw a tweet.

02:05:17.000 Also, let's use drones to bomb Russians.

02:05:21.000 I saw a tweet where someone was saying how many people that have ARs could have sent those ARs to Ukraine to fight the Russians.

02:05:31.000 Definitely.

02:05:32.000 Do you know how many ARs?

02:05:34.000 Do you know how many guns are in America compared to the world?

02:05:36.000 But that was the point.

02:05:37.000 They were saying, you don't need an AR, you should send those guns.

02:05:40.000 Do you know what you're saying?

02:05:41.000 Yeah.

02:05:42.000 Do you realize what you're saying?

02:05:43.000 To prevent a government invasion?

02:05:44.000 Yeah.

02:05:44.000 Is that what you're saying?

02:05:45.000 So you need to give up your guns so that we're somewhere that is actually happening, they can get guns.

02:05:51.000 So that it can maybe happen here?

02:05:53.000 If no one has guns.

02:05:55.000 Dude, my dad has, like, six AR-15s.

02:05:57.000 What?

02:05:58.000 He buys them.

02:05:58.000 Anytime, like, something bad happens or, like, they're taking them away, he buys another one.

02:06:02.000 What's he gonna do?

02:06:02.000 They just stock them up.

02:06:03.000 He needs one.

02:06:04.000 Nah, dude, he's got six.

02:06:06.000 Him and his boy buy one.

02:06:06.000 Every time there's, like, a mass shooting, he's like, let's get another AR. Nice.

02:06:10.000 He's like, they're gonna take them.

02:06:11.000 So he's like, I'm trying to stock up.

02:06:13.000 So, yeah, fucking whatever.

02:06:15.000 It's like, that's his thing.

02:06:16.000 This is gonna be worth money.

02:06:17.000 He brought a gun to my show.

02:06:19.000 Yeah, I remember that.

02:06:20.000 I was filming a special and he came with a gun and a knife and the security was like, bro, you can't have the Hawk and the gun on you right now.

02:06:27.000 Jesus Christ.

02:06:29.000 Is he open carrying?

02:06:30.000 Yeah, he just kind of, no, he had it concealed.

02:06:32.000 He had it concealed.

02:06:33.000 And then he was in Philly, he's all bugged out.

02:06:35.000 He's like, oh, he used to like, him and his family.

02:06:37.000 The dads watch Fox News and they're like, we can't go into a city.

02:06:40.000 Yeah, dude.

02:06:40.000 You'll die in any city, you'll die.

02:06:42.000 They had a trash company in the 80s, too.

02:06:45.000 So they always had guns on them.

02:06:48.000 What, people stealing trash?

02:06:50.000 No, but if you have a trash yard, it was in Chester.

02:06:52.000 Chester's outside of Philadelphia, and it's like a state of emergency.

02:06:56.000 The murder rate's crazy, and they were there during the crack epidemic.

02:06:58.000 So you had a transfer station where there's money in and out of there.

02:07:01.000 So yeah, it was nonstop of coppers there, all this other stuff.

02:07:04.000 You get tackled coming in.

02:07:07.000 Wow.

02:07:08.000 It was fucked up.

02:07:09.000 Damn.

02:07:09.000 How'd they find the gun?

02:07:11.000 They didn't pat him down.

02:07:12.000 He just said, I have a gun.

02:07:13.000 I think they wanded him.

02:07:14.000 Oh, really?

02:07:15.000 Did they do that at Helium?

02:07:16.000 I think so.

02:07:17.000 Because they got him.

02:07:18.000 Really?

02:07:18.000 They wanded him at Helium?

02:07:19.000 Or they asked him?

02:07:20.000 I don't know.

02:07:21.000 They might have asked him.

02:07:22.000 They might have seen it.

02:07:22.000 They don't ask anyone to come in.

02:07:24.000 Maybe they did.

02:07:25.000 I'll have to ask him.

02:07:27.000 Because I've seen guys before with the wands.

02:07:30.000 Maybe he had the shoulder or the fucking leg holster like Clint Eastwood with straps.

02:07:34.000 He might have had La Femme Nikita.

02:07:36.000 He might have screamed it.

02:07:37.000 He might have been Tomb Raider.

02:07:40.000 I'll have to ask him.

02:07:41.000 I figure they wanted him.

02:07:42.000 Maybe they just...

02:07:43.000 He could have screamed it as soon as he walked in the door.

02:07:44.000 Oh, God, fuck it!

02:07:46.000 I'm from the suburbs!

02:07:49.000 And I got a fucking gun!

02:07:51.000 I was kind of pumped when I heard he was rolling that strap to the show.

02:07:53.000 I was like, fucking nice.

02:07:54.000 It is very nice.

02:07:57.000 It's also funny how much dads are afraid of cities.

02:08:00.000 Dude, terrified.

02:08:01.000 They hate cities.

02:08:02.000 Fox News dads.

02:08:03.000 All day they watch how terrible things are in cities.

02:08:06.000 That's their only...

02:08:07.000 My dad won't go to Harrisburg.

02:08:09.000 He's like, I'm not going over there.

02:08:10.000 When you watch those migrants jump those cops and beat their ass, and then they got out of jail with no bail right away.

02:08:18.000 That's trouble.

02:08:19.000 That is wild.

02:08:21.000 I know, but it depends what your algorithm is.

02:08:22.000 And they're Tupac in the camera.

02:08:24.000 They Tupac the camera on the way out.

02:08:26.000 I didn't see this.

02:08:27.000 Yes.

02:08:28.000 Apparently those guys have fled.

02:08:30.000 And they got released or deported?

02:08:31.000 They got released.

02:08:32.000 Oh, they're just back out.

02:08:33.000 Yeah, bro, they interviewed this one guy.

02:08:35.000 I was watching this YouTube video, what's happening in these hotels.

02:08:38.000 This one guy's been there for seven months, and he said they give him a nice hotel.

02:08:42.000 It's a nice room.

02:08:43.000 He says it's real clean.

02:08:44.000 They give him breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day, and he's an illegal immigrant.

02:08:50.000 And then there's people that are poor.

02:08:52.000 They're like, hey, What about my family?

02:08:54.000 What about me?

02:08:55.000 What about us Americans that live here, have always been here, born and raised here, and people just sneak in and you're giving them all these things you won't give us.

02:09:02.000 Why are you doing this?

02:09:03.000 This is crazy.

02:09:05.000 That's crazy.

02:09:06.000 Is it like a vote?

02:09:06.000 Are they trying to get new voters or something?

02:09:08.000 I would imagine yes.

02:09:09.000 Yeah, but they're not going to be down with it.

02:09:10.000 Have you ever met a dude from Guatemala?

02:09:12.000 They're doing it right now in New York City.

02:09:14.000 In New York City, they're allowing illegal immigrants to vote.

02:09:17.000 This is something they just...

02:09:18.000 Is that true?

02:09:19.000 Is that absolutely true?

02:09:20.000 Let's make sure, because this is a big statement.

02:09:23.000 But I'm pretty sure that was one of the things that they were trying to do.

02:09:26.000 They were trying to make it so that these people could be documented.

02:09:29.000 And this is what they keep saying.

02:09:30.000 The way to deal with the undocumented people is find a pathway for them to be documented.

02:09:35.000 Sure.

02:09:36.000 That's how we've always done it.

02:09:37.000 It's legal immigration.

02:09:39.000 Now, you might think legal immigration is too restrictive.

02:09:41.000 Okay.

02:09:42.000 But you can't just let anybody in, because terrorists are a real thing.

02:09:46.000 This is not like an imaginary, it's not like orcs.

02:09:50.000 Like, we know terrorists are real.

02:09:52.000 And they already caught that one guy, where they asked the guy, like, who are you?

02:09:55.000 He goes, you will know soon enough.

02:09:56.000 And then they find out, okay, this guy's on a terrorist watch list.

02:09:59.000 And made it into America.

02:10:00.000 What a dumbass.

02:10:01.000 They're not going to vote left though.

02:10:03.000 These people coming from like South American stuff are going to read the issues.

02:10:05.000 A lot of them will because those are the people that got them in.

02:10:08.000 Those are the people that are giving them money.

02:10:09.000 Those are the people that are giving them free food, free place to sleep.

02:10:12.000 Wouldn't you vote for those people?

02:10:14.000 Especially, all you want to do is get a fucking job.

02:10:16.000 And if you vote for these people, and these people are going to allow you to be documented, you're going to be able to get a job and then continue to get social assistance, which has been pretty remarkable.

02:10:26.000 Getting money and food and a place to live.

02:10:29.000 Why wouldn't you do that?

02:10:30.000 Yeah, but then they'll work, and they'll get on their own two feet, and they're pretty conservative.

02:10:34.000 That's when it's time to close the border.

02:10:35.000 Once you get established, you go, no one else.

02:10:38.000 Well, they don't in California.

02:10:40.000 In California, that was what changed California.

02:10:43.000 California, when Reagan was in office, Reagan created a pathway for illegal immigrants to become legal and vote.

02:10:50.000 And when he did that, the Republicans never won California again, except for Schwarzenegger.

02:10:54.000 Nah.

02:10:55.000 You know what's interesting?

02:10:57.000 You know what's interesting about how the left has turned to kind of like war hawks?

02:11:04.000 Yeah.

02:11:05.000 The right has kind of turned to your statement there about, why don't we help Americans?

02:11:11.000 Yeah.

02:11:11.000 It's like now all of a sudden the right's like pro-welfare.

02:11:14.000 Yeah.

02:11:15.000 You know what I mean?

02:11:16.000 It's like, we should be helping our people.

02:11:17.000 I know.

02:11:18.000 You know?

02:11:19.000 It's just everything's kind of...

02:11:20.000 Well, people are waking up on both sides.

02:11:23.000 But there's a lot of people that are left-wing people that are like, what the fuck is going on with all these wars?

02:11:27.000 Like, what are we doing?

02:11:28.000 Like, this is not something that we were supposed to be about.

02:11:31.000 And, you know, there's a lot of people on the left that look at what's going on in Gaza right now and they're freaking out.

02:11:35.000 Yeah.

02:11:35.000 So then there's that turmoil on the left.

02:11:37.000 Here, give me a beer.

02:11:38.000 I'd like to talk about Gaza.

02:11:41.000 I like the...

02:11:42.000 That's a quagmire.

02:11:43.000 The Gaza's a quagmire for the left.

02:11:45.000 Of course.

02:11:45.000 They're like...

02:11:46.000 It's funny that America's like, what are we doing in all these wars?

02:11:49.000 It's like, bro, do you know who we are?

02:11:51.000 Yeah, that's what we do.

02:11:51.000 It's all we've ever done.

02:11:53.000 Yeah.

02:11:53.000 Start to finish.

02:11:54.000 Yeah.

02:11:55.000 It's true.

02:11:55.000 Day one.

02:11:56.000 That's how you make a place like this.

02:11:58.000 Here's the thing I can find.

02:11:59.000 This is not from this year.

02:12:00.000 This is from 2022, but this is the only thing I can find.

02:12:02.000 Yeah, Eric Adams.

02:12:03.000 This is it.

02:12:03.000 This has to do with local elections, first of all.

02:12:07.000 Right.

02:12:07.000 And then people with green cards and the DACA. Anyone that's a DACA. Which is the dreamers, people...

02:12:13.000 Dreamers, people who are born here, right?

02:12:16.000 Parents were brought into this country illegal as children.

02:12:18.000 That's it.

02:12:19.000 Not born here, rather.

02:12:20.000 Dreamers.

02:12:21.000 So they're allowed to remain...

02:12:21.000 Yeah, no, it's great.

02:12:22.000 That does sound nice.

02:12:23.000 That's all great.

02:12:24.000 But they are allowing people that are not legal residents or that are not legal citizens to vote, right?

02:12:30.000 In New York elections.

02:12:31.000 Yeah, so that's all you need to know.

02:12:33.000 So that's the beginning.

02:12:34.000 So that's how you win the election over and over and over.

02:12:37.000 In the short term, yeah.

02:12:38.000 That's how you control local elections in New York.

02:12:40.000 Yeah, true.

02:12:41.000 I mean, it's a foolproof playbook.

02:12:43.000 You give people, like, way better treatment than you give the people you have.

02:12:47.000 That's the same thing Osho did in Wild Wild Country.

02:12:50.000 They bust in all those homeless people and let them vote, remember?

02:12:54.000 They just brought in homeless people from everywhere and said, you're going to be a part of our community.

02:12:58.000 And these people are like, finally I have a place to be.

02:13:00.000 And then once they vote, they're like, alright, get the fuck out.

02:13:02.000 Get the fuck out of here.

02:13:04.000 They kicked them all out again.

02:13:06.000 That documentary is wild.

02:13:08.000 His books are good, though.

02:13:09.000 I've read a couple of his books.

02:13:10.000 They're good.

02:13:11.000 He's a smart dude.

02:13:12.000 No, he was genius.

02:13:13.000 He really was.

02:13:13.000 He was brilliant.

02:13:14.000 But he was also, like, you know, driving, like, he had, like, 13 Bentleys and shit.

02:13:19.000 That was just a lesson for us, dude.

02:13:20.000 I mean, bro, you can't help yourself.

02:13:21.000 That was just a lesson.

02:13:22.000 You gotta get the Bentleys, dude.

02:13:23.000 Why not?

02:13:24.000 But he had so many of them.

02:13:25.000 I will say that.

02:13:26.000 Once you buy one nice car, I've been on that.

02:13:29.000 You want a second one?

02:13:29.000 I understand that.

02:13:30.000 What are you gonna get?

02:13:31.000 I don't know, but, no, I'm not gonna buy another one, but I'm excited.

02:13:33.000 You need yourself a fucking pickup truck, son.

02:13:34.000 I'm excited for my lease to run out so I can get a new one.

02:13:37.000 Yeah, switch it up.

02:13:37.000 How about a Raptor?

02:13:40.000 Strikes me as an SUV guy for sure.

02:13:43.000 A Raptor?

02:13:44.000 You ever drive one?

02:13:45.000 Yeah, but this is what I look like.

02:13:47.000 I can't have a Raptor.

02:13:48.000 How about a TRX? You can't play Xbox all day and then get in a Raptor.

02:13:51.000 Yes, you can, dude.

02:13:53.000 Dude, gamer chairs.

02:13:54.000 You definitely could.

02:13:54.000 Customize gamer chairs in the car.

02:13:57.000 Get a TRX. We'll see.

02:14:00.000 What's a TRX? It's a Ram that has 700 horsepower.

02:14:04.000 Oh, those things are wild, man.

02:14:06.000 Those things are kind of nuts.

02:14:07.000 I'll show you one.

02:14:07.000 I have one here.

02:14:08.000 Do you really?

02:14:08.000 Yeah, I'll show you.

02:14:10.000 It's pretty awesome.

02:14:10.000 I have a Hennessy one that has a thousand horsepower.

02:14:13.000 What?

02:14:13.000 Yeah, it's ridiculous.

02:14:15.000 It's America.

02:14:16.000 That is pretty sick.

02:14:17.000 Remember when we were in this fucking Tesla?

02:14:18.000 I don't.

02:14:19.000 America!

02:14:20.000 America's obviously the best.

02:14:22.000 Yeah, for real.

02:14:22.000 Yeah, I remember being that thing to drive around that Nazi-mobile.

02:14:25.000 You need a goddamn American car.

02:14:27.000 That's it, right there.

02:14:28.000 Look at that.

02:14:28.000 Fuck.

02:14:30.000 How's American cars?

02:14:31.000 Are we good at making cars now?

02:14:32.000 That thing's the shit.

02:14:34.000 I love that thing.

02:14:34.000 I love that.

02:14:35.000 I drive that all the time.

02:14:36.000 I love it.

02:14:37.000 Pickup will be nice, actually.

02:14:38.000 They're great.

02:14:39.000 Pickup trucks get wildly expensive.

02:14:41.000 Speaking of Nazi-mobiles, I went and saw a Nazi movie by myself.

02:14:47.000 Really?

02:14:48.000 Which one?

02:14:48.000 Saturday night.

02:14:50.000 Zone of Interest?

02:14:51.000 What is that?

02:14:52.000 I don't know, it's about Auschwitz.

02:14:54.000 I heard this is awesome.

02:14:56.000 It's alright.

02:14:56.000 Where they live next to the concentration camp?

02:14:59.000 Nothing happens.

02:14:59.000 It's just an ongoing, like you're uncomfortable the whole time.

02:15:01.000 But I did go see it by myself, which is a weird, because like the movie people, I saw it at Drafthouse, so you have like a waiter, and the whole time they're like, are you sh- Shane, hey, what's going on?

02:15:13.000 I was like, yeah, I'm just here watching Nazis alone.

02:15:17.000 Doing exactly what you thought I'd do on a Saturday night.

02:15:21.000 That's on brand.

02:15:22.000 It's very uncomfortable.

02:15:23.000 You watching this movie by yourself is on brand.

02:15:25.000 I enjoyed it, but it's...

02:15:27.000 Yeah, they're right next to a concentration camp.

02:15:29.000 Yeah, they're at Auschwitz.

02:15:30.000 He's the...

02:15:31.000 Oh, and they're living good?

02:15:33.000 Yeah.

02:15:33.000 Oh, wow.

02:15:35.000 Nothing happens, though.

02:15:36.000 It's just unsettling for two hours.

02:15:38.000 It's a cool idea.

02:15:39.000 Look at the building they're in.

02:15:41.000 Yeah.

02:15:43.000 Feeling you deserve the best in life.

02:15:45.000 The wildest thing that most people don't know about the Nazis is how many we brought over here.

02:15:49.000 Yeah.

02:15:50.000 Operation Paperclip.

02:15:51.000 Yeah.

02:15:52.000 Get them in here.

02:15:52.000 Isn't Venezuela one of those countries?

02:15:54.000 They have a ton of Nazis in Argentina.

02:15:56.000 They have cities in Argentina where everybody's white.

02:16:00.000 Everybody speaks German.

02:16:02.000 Argentina's entire soccer team is white dudes.

02:16:05.000 That's fucking wild.

02:16:06.000 Bro, what do you got?

02:16:08.000 I was talking to someone one time.

02:16:09.000 I guess it is far enough south that you would be white, right?

02:16:12.000 Maybe.

02:16:13.000 But also, there's a lot of Nazis went to Argentina.

02:16:17.000 Definitely.

02:16:17.000 Yeah.

02:16:18.000 I mean, Tim Kennedy had that TV show, Finding Hitler.

02:16:21.000 There's this conspiracy theory that Hitler moved to Argentina.

02:16:26.000 Really?

02:16:26.000 What is this, Jamie?

02:16:28.000 Oh, they were, uh, the ratlines were systems of escape routes for German Nazis and other fascists fleeing Europe from 1945 onward in the aftermath of World War II. These escape routes mainly led towards havens in Latin America,

02:16:44.000 particularly Argentina, but also Paraguay and Colombia, Brazil, Uruguay, Mexico, Chile, Peru, Guatemala, Ecuador, and Bolivia, as well as the United States, Canada, Australia, Spain, and Switzerland.

02:16:55.000 But a lot of them in Argentina.

02:16:57.000 And the Catholic Church helped them.

02:16:58.000 Yeah, they had this whole thing about it where they went to these towns.

02:17:04.000 They're wearing lederhosen.

02:17:06.000 Starting in 1947, some U.S. What does it say?

02:17:09.000 The rat lines are supported by clergy of the Catholic Church.

02:17:12.000 Starting in 1947, some U.S. Citation page needed.

02:17:15.000 That's not true.

02:17:16.000 Ha!

02:17:16.000 I mean, it was a humanitarian.

02:17:18.000 It actually is humanitarian.

02:17:20.000 They loved everybody.

02:17:21.000 Starting in 1947, some U.S. intelligence officers utilized existing rat lines to move certain Nazi strategists and scientists.

02:17:29.000 Yeah, like Wernher von Braun, the head of NASA. Yeah.

02:17:33.000 Full-on Nazi.

02:17:34.000 Good.

02:17:35.000 Now that he's a Nazi.

02:17:37.000 Don't hang him.

02:17:38.000 I know what you're saying.

02:17:38.000 Let's get our fucking, let's figure out space exploration.

02:17:41.000 Yeah, the juice of lemon.

02:17:42.000 Then he'll die.

02:17:42.000 Juice of lemon.

02:17:43.000 Well, they also were competing because a bunch of them went to Russia as well.

02:17:47.000 Ah, I see.

02:17:48.000 So Russia had some scientists, we had some other ones.

02:17:50.000 Yeah, they can't have all the good Nazis.

02:17:52.000 We need some of the good Nazis.

02:17:54.000 You can look past a few things if you need to get a missile quicker.

02:17:57.000 Yeah, true.

02:17:57.000 That's true.

02:17:58.000 Well, you have to.

02:17:59.000 You literally have to.

02:18:00.000 If these are the only guys that are making rockets.

02:18:02.000 Goddamn, can you imagine if they got the bomb first?

02:18:06.000 The Soviets got it?

02:18:08.000 It would be rough.

02:18:09.000 It would be negative.

02:18:10.000 We would have invaded Mexico.

02:18:12.000 And the Soviet Union would be funding us right now.

02:18:14.000 We're funding Mexico.

02:18:16.000 They made UFOs and stuff.

02:18:17.000 Oh yeah, they made flying saucers.

02:18:19.000 Yeah, see this is the type of shit I don't...

02:18:21.000 All this stuff, it's like, bro, they were struggling.

02:18:25.000 Well, they also had a deep connection to the occult.

02:18:29.000 I know, but it's like...

02:18:30.000 A lot of weird occult shit.

02:18:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:18:31.000 The Nazis.

02:18:32.000 Yeah, because they were going to kill themselves.

02:18:34.000 There was a suicide.

02:18:35.000 Well, I think there was also a lot of, like, evil sentiment.

02:18:38.000 They were trying to win, you know?

02:18:40.000 And they were trying to...

02:18:41.000 There was a lot of weird shit.

02:18:43.000 Like, I don't want to...

02:18:44.000 I don't really know much about the Nazi occult thing, but I know it's very well documented.

02:18:49.000 They're heavily into the occult.

02:18:50.000 To me, it seems a little...

02:18:52.000 I don't know.

02:18:54.000 We attribute the most evil shit ever to them.

02:18:57.000 I think they were just a really, really shitty country that was fucking everything up.

02:19:02.000 Like...

02:19:02.000 I don't know.

02:19:03.000 I don't think we need to add, like, they were Satanists.

02:19:05.000 Well, they were definitely into a cult.

02:19:07.000 I mean, there's other countries that did horrible shit, too.

02:19:09.000 Just what the Japanese did to the Chinese in the Rape of Nanking.

02:19:13.000 Yeah.

02:19:13.000 You read about some of that stuff?

02:19:14.000 Yeah.

02:19:15.000 Dude.

02:19:16.000 Yeah, I think it's just surprising to hear, like, they were doing what?

02:19:19.000 Horrific shit.

02:19:20.000 And the science experiments they would do.

02:19:22.000 They'd give people blood transfusions from various animals, and they'd cut off limbs and reattach them.

02:19:27.000 Yeah, they were trying stuff.

02:19:29.000 They were trying shit out on prisoners.

02:19:30.000 They were trying to figure it out.

02:19:31.000 No, there's a lot of scientific and medical innovation that came out of that, unfortunately.

02:19:35.000 Really?

02:19:36.000 Yeah.

02:19:37.000 What medical innovation came out of the Nazi experiments?

02:19:42.000 I think they, like, learned some things, unfortunately.

02:19:44.000 What is it?

02:19:46.000 Simon's?

02:19:46.000 What's the company?

02:19:47.000 Bayern?

02:19:48.000 Bayer?

02:19:49.000 Bayer's out there.

02:19:50.000 Oh, yeah.

02:19:51.000 Bayer did it.

02:19:51.000 Yeah, that's right.

02:19:52.000 Bayer's getting rowdy.

02:19:53.000 Yeah.

02:19:54.000 They tried some medication out on, like, 150 people.

02:19:59.000 Wasn't it, like, something like that?

02:20:00.000 They all died.

02:20:01.000 Joseph Mingle was the guy I think you're talking about.

02:20:04.000 Mangalow is doing all the time.

02:20:06.000 Yeah, he did a lot of science experiments.

02:20:07.000 He loved twins.

02:20:08.000 Oh, God.

02:20:09.000 Twins?

02:20:10.000 Twin experiments?

02:20:11.000 Yeah, he'd be like, if I fucking cut this twin's head off, how are you feeling?

02:20:15.000 Jesus Christ.

02:20:15.000 You fucking idiot.

02:20:17.000 Jesus Christ.

02:20:18.000 Dude, they didn't even know about germs.

02:20:20.000 There was the one guy who blew the whistle.

02:20:22.000 I forget the guy's name.

02:20:23.000 They were Germans.

02:20:24.000 Of course they did.

02:20:26.000 The Nazis knew about germs, but the guy who like discovered them there was a Hospital attached to where they delivered they were like a morgue and then they had where they're delivering babies So they would like put down a dead body and then just catch a baby out of a woman's vagina and like Women were all dying and he was telling the doctors like you guys got to wash There's something on those dead bodies that's getting into women's like vaginas They're all like,

02:20:49.000 dude, we're doctors.

02:20:49.000 Our hands are clean.

02:20:50.000 We're gentlemen.

02:20:52.000 And then the guy eventually went nuts, and then a few years later, they're like, oh, fuck, he was right.

02:20:57.000 Because he was washing his hands, and the mortality rate went down.

02:20:59.000 Yeah, who was that?

02:21:00.000 Fuck, I forget his name.

02:21:01.000 That was way before World War II. Way, way, way before.

02:21:04.000 Well, in World War I, Fritz Haber figured out how to make gas, to kill people with gas.

02:21:10.000 And he's the same guy who figured out how to pull nitrogen out of the air.

02:21:13.000 What?

02:21:13.000 So at the same time, this guy is being wanted for war crimes.

02:21:17.000 At the same time as being nominated for the Nobel Prize.

02:21:21.000 What?

02:21:22.000 Yeah.

02:21:23.000 Well, the Nobels are all weird, too.

02:21:26.000 They were like dynamite makers and stuff.

02:21:27.000 Yeah, because the guy...

02:21:29.000 who told...

02:21:30.000 Peter Berg told me about that.

02:21:31.000 So the guy died, and they thought he died.

02:21:34.000 There was a fake story about him dying.

02:21:35.000 And they called him, like, the Merchant of Death.

02:21:38.000 And he's like, oh, jeez, I gotta change my reputation.

02:21:40.000 So he started giving out prizes.

02:21:42.000 Oh, nice.

02:21:43.000 That's what he did.

02:21:43.000 The Nobel Prize comes from that.

02:21:45.000 He huck finned his funeral.

02:21:46.000 And they were like, this guy is a fucking asshole.

02:21:49.000 Nuh-uh.

02:21:49.000 He's like, I'm pretty nice.

02:21:51.000 He started that whole thing up.

02:21:52.000 That's crazy.

02:21:53.000 He started the Nobel Prize trying to cover his tracks.

02:21:55.000 True, yeah.

02:21:56.000 Good move.

02:21:56.000 Everyone's like, he must be the nicest, smartest scientist ever.

02:21:59.000 Nobody even knows about the whole dynamite thing anymore.

02:22:01.000 Nobody does.

02:22:02.000 It never gets brought up.

02:22:03.000 It's like, oh, the Nobel Prize.

02:22:04.000 How prestigious.

02:22:05.000 Did you ever get into the guy who invented diesel?

02:22:07.000 No.

02:22:08.000 There's a book about him.

02:22:09.000 His shit's wild, dude.

02:22:10.000 What did he do?

02:22:11.000 His name, it was like Rudolph Diesel.

02:22:12.000 He came up with the diesel engine.

02:22:14.000 And it was like, apparently it helped.

02:22:15.000 He wanted to like, make a small, reliable engine so like, people in rural areas could compete with like, cities and people could live in a farm and still like, produce stuff and not have to like, live in like, fucked up London, smoggy city.

02:22:27.000 And governments were like, yeah, we're building fucking weapons to death of these things.

02:22:30.000 And like, it turned out to be like a, it was a wild invention.

02:22:34.000 Nothing could burn stuff as efficiently before.

02:22:39.000 It would capture like 25% of the fuel.

02:22:41.000 Diesel was like 70% capture in terms of output.

02:22:45.000 It was completely revolutionary.

02:22:47.000 It was just found drowned.

02:22:49.000 Oh, they killed him.

02:22:50.000 Oh, yeah.

02:22:50.000 It was like the kid, Wilhelm, I think, was after him.

02:22:52.000 He made all these governments.

02:22:53.000 Damn, 1913. Just in time.

02:22:55.000 The Rockefellers as well.

02:22:56.000 Just in time for the worst thing ever.

02:22:58.000 He disappeared from the steamship Dresden while traveling from Antwerp, Belgium, to Harwich, England.

02:23:03.000 On October 10, a Belgian sailor aboard a northeast steamer spotted a body floating in the water.

02:23:08.000 Upon further investigation, it turned out the body was Diesel's.

02:23:11.000 There was and remains a great deal of mystery surrounding his death.

02:23:14.000 It was officially judged as suicide, but many people believed and still believe that Diesel was murdered.

02:23:18.000 Duh.

02:23:19.000 He had the Rockefellers after him, too, because they didn't want to...

02:23:22.000 I said, like, I looked at it and go, oh, it's the History Channel.

02:23:25.000 It's got to be legit.

02:23:26.000 Then I realized that's Ancient Aliens.

02:23:29.000 The History Channel is basically the Ancient Aliens network now.

02:23:32.000 Dude, I believe that.

02:23:34.000 We're done with facts.

02:23:35.000 We're done with facts.

02:23:37.000 Isn't history Finding Bigfoot?

02:23:38.000 Yeah.

02:23:39.000 Probably.

02:23:39.000 Ancient Aliens had me for a while.

02:23:41.000 Ancient Aliens carrying that network.

02:23:43.000 It's a fun show to watch.

02:23:45.000 It's constantly on.

02:23:45.000 Remember, what's his fucking name?

02:23:47.000 Action Bronson.

02:23:49.000 He would get baked.

02:23:49.000 That show was incredible.

02:23:51.000 Getting baked, watching Ancient Aliens.

02:23:53.000 That was a really great show.

02:23:55.000 That was, for real, like a genius idea.

02:23:57.000 Brilliant idea!

02:23:58.000 That's actually not.

02:23:59.000 I thought it was.

02:24:00.000 No, of course it is.

02:24:01.000 It is, but I'm saying...

02:24:02.000 It's pretty simple.

02:24:03.000 It's like, we should film this.

02:24:05.000 They were definitely getting high watching Ancient Aliens.

02:24:07.000 Yeah.

02:24:07.000 Which is just so funny.

02:24:08.000 And they were like, set up a camera.

02:24:09.000 This is incredible.

02:24:10.000 It's just such a good idea, because it requires nothing.

02:24:12.000 They would just walk around high.

02:24:13.000 Yeah, they would fuck around.

02:24:13.000 While Ancient Aliens were there.

02:24:15.000 And it's hilarious.

02:24:16.000 It's one of the better shows.

02:24:17.000 Solid show.

02:24:18.000 Should've won an Emmy.

02:24:19.000 Should've.

02:24:20.000 Fucking criminals.

02:24:22.000 True.

02:24:22.000 I bet I wasn't even nominated.

02:24:24.000 True.

02:24:25.000 Oh, you had Bronson on this.

02:24:26.000 Yeah, a couple times.

02:24:27.000 Yeah, he's awesome.

02:24:27.000 I love that dude.

02:24:29.000 I lived in Queens.

02:24:29.000 I wanted to see him.

02:24:31.000 He's a great guy.

02:24:32.000 Turns out Queens is big and you don't see everyone.

02:24:34.000 That guy fucking, you know, he turned his whole life around.

02:24:37.000 Had a kid and realized, I'm fat.

02:24:39.000 I gotta get in shape.

02:24:39.000 And now he's like super stout.

02:24:42.000 He Paul Wald.

02:24:42.000 Works out hard, man.

02:24:43.000 He works out hard.

02:24:44.000 He Paul Wald?

02:24:45.000 Paul Wald did the same thing.

02:24:46.000 Oh, he used to be big, right?

02:24:47.000 Yeah, he got in shape as well.

02:24:48.000 Yeah.

02:24:49.000 Turn his life around.

02:24:50.000 You ever thought about rocking a grill, Matt?

02:24:51.000 Oh, dude.

02:24:52.000 You've been talking about this.

02:24:53.000 You've been talking about this.

02:24:54.000 I think we get grills to protect our parks.

02:24:57.000 I think, obviously, that's the move, dude.

02:24:58.000 It'd be so hard to take him out.

02:24:59.000 It'd be really hard to talk.

02:25:00.000 I'll never take him out.

02:25:01.000 You should be just talking like this.

02:25:03.000 I wanted to play.

02:25:05.000 You ever heard guys with grills talk?

02:25:07.000 It's a rough one.

02:25:08.000 Paul Wall knows how to do it, but he's had a grill in his mouth for 30 years.

02:25:10.000 My whole life, yeah.

02:25:11.000 I want to get the fangs.

02:25:12.000 I want to get the riff-raff fangs.

02:25:14.000 It's kind of classy, bro.

02:25:16.000 If you don't pig out on the grill.

02:25:18.000 Come on, like that.

02:25:19.000 Look at that.

02:25:19.000 That is nice, man.

02:25:20.000 It's crazy how much he looks like Mike Rainey.

02:25:22.000 We need to call Johnny Dang.

02:25:25.000 That dude is always smiling.

02:25:27.000 If he's depressed, I'll be so sad.

02:25:29.000 Because he's always smiling.

02:25:30.000 He's got to show you that grill.

02:25:32.000 Look at that.

02:25:32.000 He's got to show you what to do.

02:25:34.000 Come on, son.

02:25:35.000 What to do, baby.

02:25:36.000 Powwow.

02:25:37.000 Powwow.

02:25:39.000 Southern rap rules.

02:25:40.000 So fucking tight, dude.

02:25:42.000 Yeah.

02:25:42.000 He still raps, too, apparently.

02:25:44.000 Oh, yeah.

02:25:45.000 I think he's with Mexican OT and the guy we listened to on the way over here.

02:25:49.000 Really?

02:25:50.000 The plug.

02:25:50.000 Big X, the plug.

02:25:51.000 The plug.

02:25:52.000 Shit rocks.

02:25:54.000 Joe, you'd like that.

02:25:55.000 Do you think you'd wear a grill?

02:25:56.000 I would.

02:25:56.000 I swear to God, I will.

02:25:58.000 Now, obviously I'm not gonna wear it anywhere other than here.

02:26:00.000 Do you think Bud Light would have an issue with you rocking a grill?

02:26:02.000 Maybe.

02:26:03.000 I might get a phone call and I go, hey.

02:26:05.000 This is not on brand.

02:26:06.000 No, they got fucking Post Malone.

02:26:08.000 I can kind of do anything.

02:26:09.000 Oh, that's right.

02:26:10.000 They got Post Malone.

02:26:12.000 That's what I always think.

02:26:13.000 I'm like, man, maybe I shouldn't do this.

02:26:14.000 I'm like, yeah, they got Post Malone.

02:26:15.000 Yeah.

02:26:16.000 You can do whatever you want.

02:26:17.000 Yeah.

02:26:17.000 That's why they want you.

02:26:18.000 Yeah.

02:26:19.000 Wildcard.

02:26:20.000 Say, guys, let me fucking work.

02:26:24.000 I'm gonna do what I do.

02:26:25.000 I'm gonna talk about Nazis.

02:26:28.000 They go, please don't.

02:26:30.000 That was my favorite part of the Budweiser tour.

02:26:34.000 We're in there and they're like showing the labels from every year in the United States.

02:26:38.000 And then 1930 came around and it was like, perfect English, Budweiser.

02:26:43.000 It used to be like German, like, yeah, yeah.

02:26:46.000 1933, they're like, Budweiser, American Budweiser, the beer, American.

02:26:51.000 Yeah.

02:26:54.000 Anheuser Busch owned the rights to all the diesel engines in America.

02:26:57.000 But those are good Americans.

02:26:58.000 Really?

02:26:58.000 Yeah, let's go, dude.

02:26:59.000 Anheuser Busch rules.

02:27:00.000 He owns all the rights.

02:27:01.000 The guy, what is it, fucking, not, uh, Adolphus Busch, whatever, like the OG. Adolphus Busch.

02:27:07.000 Adolphus, by the way.

02:27:08.000 Adolphus, exactly.

02:27:09.000 Let's go.

02:27:10.000 Full name.

02:27:10.000 Super American.

02:27:11.000 No, that's a good American story.

02:27:13.000 He went over, he met the diesel guy, and he was like, How dare you, dude.

02:27:16.000 That's a great American story.

02:27:18.000 He would rent hotels and just rent the whole thing out and just hand everyone like $10, $10, $10.

02:27:24.000 Met up with Diesel and was like, how much do you want for the rights to this engine?

02:27:28.000 Diesel's, people would charge, it was like 800,000 francs.

02:27:31.000 He looked at Bush and was like, 2 million francs.

02:27:34.000 And he was like, no problem, player.

02:27:36.000 Wrote him the check.

02:27:37.000 And he used to break, he would write them letters.

02:27:38.000 It took forever.

02:27:39.000 It took forever to like...

02:27:42.000 It didn't work right away.

02:27:44.000 He was like, all these guys fronted him a ton of money, and it just wasn't working.

02:27:48.000 So he'd get mad letters from people being like, what is this?

02:27:52.000 And Bush would break his balls.

02:27:53.000 He'd send him letters and be like, dude, come on, man.

02:27:56.000 What the fuck?

02:27:57.000 Just fucking with him.

02:27:58.000 So funny.

02:27:59.000 He was the bro.

02:28:00.000 That reminds me of Ulysses S. Grant when he was like selling his biography.

02:28:07.000 I think he sold it to like just two guys on a train for like 10 bucks.

02:28:11.000 And Mark Twain found out about it and was like, no, you fucking loser.

02:28:16.000 Yeah.

02:28:17.000 Obviously Grant was, he was hitting the fucking Budweiser.

02:28:21.000 He was hitting the stogies in fucking liquor.

02:28:23.000 He was drinking responsibly.

02:28:24.000 He was extremely responsible.

02:28:26.000 That's one of his legends.

02:28:28.000 I think he sold his biography on like a train for like 10 bucks while he was responsible.

02:28:34.000 I mean, it's gotta be pumped.

02:28:35.000 It was his first book.

02:28:37.000 Anyone gives you anything that you write, you're like, really?

02:28:39.000 I swear to God it was Mark Twain that was like, no.

02:28:41.000 Yeah, what the fuck are you doing?

02:28:42.000 You saved America.

02:28:43.000 Why are you doing this?

02:28:44.000 Has anybody started taking down Ulysses as Grant statues yet?

02:28:47.000 They fucking better take it.

02:28:49.000 No way.

02:28:49.000 No, he was the bro.

02:28:52.000 His story...

02:28:53.000 He was good, right?

02:28:54.000 They've taken down Thomas Jefferson.

02:28:56.000 They took down T.J. Yeah, but Jefferson was...

02:28:58.000 He had him.

02:28:59.000 He was up to no good.

02:29:01.000 He had him.

02:29:02.000 Ulysses didn't have him.

02:29:04.000 Ulysses owned slaves?

02:29:05.000 No, no, hold on.

02:29:07.000 Oh, yeah, but he...

02:29:07.000 While he was dead broke at the lowest point of his life, he freed his slaves, and even his slaves were like, bro, you should...

02:29:15.000 Yeah.

02:29:15.000 What are you doing?

02:29:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:29:17.000 You can sell us.

02:29:18.000 And he was like, nah, bros.

02:29:20.000 Actually, there's no way they said that, but they were like, thank you.

02:29:24.000 So he freed them when he was poor.

02:29:26.000 While he was poor, he gave away his slave.

02:29:27.000 He came from a family that was abolitionists, and then he married into a family that had slaves.

02:29:33.000 Whoa.

02:29:34.000 Yeah.

02:29:35.000 And then he would go out and work with his slave, and people would see him and be like, what the fuck are you doing?

02:29:41.000 I don't know.

02:29:41.000 He was kind of a weirdo.

02:29:43.000 But he freed his slaves while he was poor.

02:29:45.000 Imagine there was a time where it was debatable whether or not it's cool to have slaves.

02:29:50.000 Bro.

02:29:51.000 And some people are like, no.

02:29:52.000 They like it.

02:29:53.000 Yeah, I mean, dude.

02:29:54.000 Yeah.

02:30:16.000 I thought I knew that.

02:30:18.000 We're reading over the Century Company's contract that needed to be signed before publication.

02:30:23.000 Grant was ready to pick up his pen and sign the contract when Twain asked if he could read it before any signature was made.

02:30:28.000 Twain reviewed the contract and believed the 10% royalty being offered was too low and even exploitative.

02:30:35.000 Twain tried to convince Grant that he could give him a better deal, which would provide Grant with more money.

02:30:40.000 Grant was reluctant to back out of the contract that he and the publishers had negotiated.

02:30:43.000 He believed it would be dishonorable to back out after giving his word.

02:30:47.000 Twain tried to convince Grant that he should investigate a different publisher.

02:30:50.000 For example, American Publishing Company had published many of Twain's books and the company be able to bring in more profit than the Century Company.

02:30:57.000 Grant was still resistant to the advice when Fred suggested that the contract be set aside while they investigated the facts behind Twain's advice.

02:31:05.000 Grant felt loyalty towards the Century Company because of the work that he had done with the company while he was writing his articles on the Civil War battles.

02:31:12.000 Grant did agree, however, to listen to Fred and the contract was set aside for 24 hours.

02:31:17.000 Huh.

02:31:18.000 Interesting.

02:31:21.000 Twain told Grant that by selling the book through a subscription system, the book would produce thousands of dollars in sales.

02:31:26.000 Door to door salesmen, often Civil War veterans, would promote the book and get potential readers to place an order prior to publication.

02:31:35.000 Back in the day, that was like the new mixtape.

02:31:37.000 It saved Grant.

02:31:38.000 Grant was poor, and then all those sales made him rich.

02:31:43.000 But he died right away.

02:31:45.000 Yeah, those dudes used to speak, too.

02:31:46.000 Right after he wrote it, yeah.

02:31:47.000 Oh, really?

02:31:47.000 Probably celebrated with booze.

02:31:48.000 No, no, it was the Stogies, dude.

02:31:51.000 Oh, was it?

02:31:51.000 He was always smoking a cigar.

02:31:52.000 He died, yeah.

02:31:53.000 Cancer?

02:31:53.000 Yeah.

02:31:54.000 He was smoking like 50. How much was a day?

02:31:56.000 It was like 50 a day, dude.

02:31:58.000 50?

02:31:58.000 Something like that.

02:31:59.000 25...

02:32:00.000 Definitely.

02:32:00.000 Yeah, it's a crazy number.

02:32:02.000 Sounds like Ron White.

02:32:03.000 Really?

02:32:04.000 Puts him down?

02:32:04.000 Puts him down.

02:32:05.000 Puts those little cigarillos down.

02:32:06.000 Oh, yeah.

02:32:08.000 He gets you hooked on those things.

02:32:09.000 Those cigarillos.

02:32:10.000 Yeah.

02:32:10.000 They're so easy.

02:32:12.000 Do you inhale those like cigarettes?

02:32:13.000 You can.

02:32:13.000 Are they cigars, really?

02:32:14.000 You can.

02:32:15.000 Remember Beatties?

02:32:17.000 Beatties?

02:32:17.000 Beatties were a little thing.

02:32:18.000 When we were younger, they sold them in like gas stations and they were like, I don't know, they were like cigarettes, but they looked like cigarettes, but they were smaller.

02:32:25.000 And they were the harshest fucking things in the world.

02:32:27.000 I got black and milds for a while.

02:32:30.000 Wine, wood tip, black and milds.

02:32:32.000 I was inhaling the fuck out of those.

02:32:35.000 I got so sick.

02:32:36.000 There it is.

02:32:38.000 Those things are crazy.

02:32:40.000 Get some of those in the woods when you were 10, dude.

02:32:42.000 So where are they from?

02:32:43.000 I don't know.

02:32:44.000 Maybe like in India kind of thing?

02:32:47.000 It looks like India.

02:32:48.000 Yeah.

02:32:49.000 You and your bros, you're like 10, 12 years old in the woods with some beaties, dude.

02:32:52.000 It was nice.

02:32:54.000 Health risks and how to quit.

02:32:56.000 They're not a safer alternative to traditional cigarettes.

02:32:58.000 Duh.

02:32:59.000 Yeah, no.

02:33:03.000 You can smoke these, though, as a little cigar.

02:33:09.000 Oh, that's kind of nice if you want a little short.

02:33:11.000 Yeah, that's what I like them for.

02:33:12.000 That's enough to sit down on a cigar for like half an hour.

02:33:14.000 It's kind of tight.

02:33:16.000 Yeah, you know how to a wedding where you have to pretend to like cigars?

02:33:18.000 Yeah.

02:33:19.000 And you go, God damn, I'm missing the whole wedding.

02:33:22.000 It's 45 minutes.

02:33:23.000 Shouts on, I gotta get in there.

02:33:25.000 Can't smoke a cigar with my uncles.

02:33:27.000 These guys stink.

02:33:31.000 Smoking bats.

02:33:33.000 Yeah, we went down and we smoked a couple of bats.

02:33:35.000 Smoked a couple of bats, boys.

02:33:37.000 Sober guys love smoking bats.

02:33:39.000 Oh, they do.

02:33:40.000 Because it's the one rush they can get.

02:33:41.000 Yeah.

02:33:41.000 They can handle this.

02:33:42.000 I love smoking a stogie like a man.

02:33:44.000 Big cup of coffee.

02:33:45.000 Desperate to get fucked up.

02:33:47.000 I get it.

02:33:48.000 Take a Xanax, dude.

02:33:50.000 Don't do it.

02:33:51.000 Those things are terrible, dude.

02:33:54.000 Those things are awful.

02:33:55.000 Yeah.

02:33:56.000 Did you ever hear about the new snake venom thing people are doing?

02:33:58.000 Where you're like, it's called like Kambu.

02:34:01.000 Where you go and they give, I don't know if it's like you ingest a snake venom and like your eyes puff up and you start throwing up and shitting everywhere.

02:34:08.000 Sounds fun.

02:34:09.000 You don't get high from it at all.

02:34:10.000 You just get violently sick?

02:34:11.000 But afterwards, apparently, you just feel like totally cleaned out or I don't know what it is.

02:34:16.000 Yeah, once you're not sick.

02:34:17.000 No, I swear to God.

02:34:18.000 They say like it kills yeast, like candida stuff in your body.

02:34:22.000 Who says heavy metals?

02:34:23.000 Who says that?

02:34:23.000 My brother, I don't know.

02:34:25.000 Swim?

02:34:26.000 Swim?

02:34:28.000 In certain cultures that don't have psychedelics, the rites of passage oftentimes are what's called an ordeal poison.

02:34:34.000 Oh, yeah.

02:34:34.000 Ordeal poison is like something you go through.

02:34:36.000 It's like some horrific thing that poisons you.

02:34:39.000 And then when you're over, like, thank God that's over.

02:34:41.000 You feel good because you just had a near-death experience.

02:34:43.000 That makes sense, actually.

02:34:44.000 Yeah.

02:34:45.000 It tricks your brain into thinking you're dying, probably.

02:34:48.000 You'd probably release all these amazing chemicals to make you realize you should have been a better person.

02:34:54.000 I could have been so much nicer!

02:34:56.000 Shit!

02:34:58.000 I'll tell you what, I tried an LSD microdose recently.

02:35:01.000 I like the psilocybin better, man.

02:35:03.000 The LSD microdose just is relentless.

02:35:05.000 It's constant.

02:35:07.000 It's for like six straight hours.

02:35:09.000 You feel like liquidy.

02:35:10.000 It's weird.

02:35:12.000 I don't know.

02:35:12.000 It wasn't awful, but I remember just being like, this is just never fucking ended.

02:35:16.000 They gotta just hurry up and make all that stuff legal.

02:35:18.000 They gotta, man.

02:35:19.000 Cut the shit.

02:35:20.000 They have to.

02:35:20.000 Stop buying it from people making it in bathtubs with the Grateful Dead t-shirt on.

02:35:24.000 Oh, yeah.

02:35:24.000 Every time.

02:35:25.000 So sketchy.

02:35:26.000 I got this straight from the family, bro.

02:35:27.000 I was telling Matt, I had some bathtub fucking mushrooms yesterday.

02:35:31.000 Dude, yesterday, dude.

02:35:32.000 That's another one.

02:35:33.000 No, I've never had mushrooms.

02:35:34.000 So it was like a chocolate bar.

02:35:36.000 It was like, all right.

02:35:37.000 They were like, four blocks is a gram.

02:35:40.000 Okay.

02:35:41.000 So I was like, alright.

02:35:42.000 I'll have one fucking block.

02:35:43.000 I'm fine.

02:35:44.000 I was high in 15 minutes.

02:35:46.000 It was that fast.

02:35:47.000 Dude, they have these analogs.

02:35:48.000 That's not mushrooms, dude.

02:35:48.000 They have synthetics they're making now.

02:35:50.000 Well, it's just they're not making them in the same places where they make aspirin.

02:35:55.000 Yeah, true.

02:35:56.000 Yeah, true.

02:35:57.000 Who knows who the fuck is making these things?

02:35:59.000 That's what I'm saying, dude.

02:36:00.000 Even with the weed edibles, dude, they can get gummies and get a distillate of synthetic cannabinoids and shh, shh, shh.

02:36:07.000 You're just eating like K2 or something.

02:36:09.000 Well, you're definitely...

02:36:10.000 They're not regular.

02:36:12.000 Like, you get a 200 milligram once and it's fine, and then you get a 200 milligram and you're on Pluto.

02:36:17.000 Like, this is not the same.

02:36:19.000 I don't think anybody's doing independent third-party testing of weed gummies.

02:36:23.000 No, not at all.

02:36:24.000 No, the third-party testing is watching the other guy first.

02:36:27.000 Who just ate him.

02:36:28.000 And they go, alright, he's fine.

02:36:31.000 You've never seen anybody eat gummies like Joey Diaz.

02:36:34.000 I was with him on a plane once.

02:36:35.000 He had a panic attack in the middle of the flight.

02:36:37.000 And he told me, he goes, I had a panic attack in the middle of the flight.

02:36:39.000 And he goes, but now I'm back!

02:36:40.000 And he pops two more.

02:36:42.000 250 milligrams each.

02:36:44.000 Two stars of death.

02:36:45.000 How?

02:36:47.000 He just does it.

02:36:48.000 He likes being scared.

02:36:49.000 It's fun.

02:36:50.000 When you're around him and you're scared too, it's fun.

02:36:52.000 That is kind of fun.

02:36:53.000 Really?

02:36:53.000 Yeah, it's fun.

02:36:54.000 You guys, both you guys like being scared.

02:36:55.000 No, the best is when the...

02:36:56.000 I hate it.

02:36:57.000 The weed edible, when it breaks, it's the best fucking feeling.

02:37:00.000 Yeah, when you're done?

02:37:01.000 Yeah, but it's like...

02:37:02.000 Yeah, but what's the point of that?

02:37:04.000 The release.

02:37:05.000 When you're just back to how you were earlier?

02:37:07.000 Yeah, because it's like mundane reality.

02:37:09.000 You're like, mm-hmm.

02:37:10.000 You eat weed edibles, and you're like, ah!

02:37:12.000 And then you get the release, and you're like, thank God.

02:37:14.000 Yeah, you're back.

02:37:14.000 Finally grateful for once in my pathetic, shitty life.

02:37:17.000 Yeah, it's a little reality check.

02:37:19.000 It also makes you really thankful that you're alive.

02:37:22.000 I understand that, but people are, like, I'm not, like, they're smoking weed at, like, parties.

02:37:28.000 Oh, yeah.

02:37:28.000 For sure.

02:37:29.000 I don't want to have that experience while I'm in public.

02:37:31.000 Oh, right.

02:37:32.000 And then come back, like, during the party, like...

02:37:35.000 Just hang in there, Shane.

02:37:36.000 You'll be fine.

02:37:37.000 I get high a lot.

02:37:38.000 I got high last night.

02:37:39.000 You just get high all the time.

02:37:41.000 My thing is, you're going to hang in there.

02:37:42.000 A different part of your mind where you go, like, Yeah, but what if I didn't give in to this weird thought loop, and then you don't give in to it for three seconds.

02:37:49.000 I did that, so last night, we left the comedy club, we were out at a bar.

02:37:55.000 I was like, I can't believe how strong that mushroom was.

02:37:59.000 Yeah.

02:38:00.000 I was like, I'm hungry, I haven't eaten all day.

02:38:02.000 I went, I ate a gyro in the cold by myself, by a windy bench, just like...

02:38:10.000 I literally got up from the table while we were all drinking and I was like, I gotta go outside.

02:38:14.000 I left for 45 minutes.

02:38:19.000 And then I came back.

02:38:20.000 I fought it.

02:38:20.000 I was like, while I was eating the Hero, I was like, I gotta stop.

02:38:24.000 Why am I being a pussy right now?

02:38:26.000 I'm gonna plow through this.

02:38:27.000 That's another fucking food choice.

02:38:29.000 I'm gonna drink my way out of this.

02:38:30.000 There you go.

02:38:31.000 There you go.

02:38:32.000 Adolphus was like, yes, Shane.

02:38:33.000 Adolphus was like, no.

02:38:37.000 Don't let the mushrooms consume you.

02:38:40.000 Power through it.

02:38:41.000 All right, Adolphus.

02:38:44.000 Euro's a solid choice.

02:38:45.000 That is a great...

02:38:47.000 It was big.

02:38:47.000 Also, it was very funny.

02:38:48.000 So I left the bar, and I was high on mushrooms enough to be like, how do I get food?

02:38:54.000 And then I was like, man, that's so pathetic.

02:38:56.000 I'm in a city, and I'm like...

02:38:59.000 Food.

02:38:59.000 How do you find food?

02:39:00.000 And then there was a flashing gyro light on it.

02:39:03.000 Like, it was one of those street vendors.

02:39:05.000 And I was like, oh, that's what those lights are for, is for dumbasses that are like, food, food!

02:39:10.000 Like a flashing light.

02:39:12.000 That's exactly what they're for.

02:39:13.000 Yeah, I was like, it's a bug light for a guy like me.

02:39:15.000 It's like...

02:39:17.000 It's a bug light.

02:39:19.000 It is a bug light.

02:39:19.000 It's a total bug light.

02:39:20.000 I went and got zapped, dude.

02:39:22.000 It was cold as fucking windy last night.

02:39:25.000 And then I was like, it also sucks now, people know who I am a little, so like, the next guy was like, looking at me, I'm in the cold by myself.

02:39:35.000 Bro, this is a reoccurring theme.

02:39:37.000 People at the movie theater see you by yourself.

02:39:38.000 That was rough.

02:39:39.000 Yeah, I like being by myself, but when someone sees me...

02:39:41.000 Oh, you realize that?

02:39:42.000 Now you're getting famous.

02:39:43.000 You realize that's a bit of an issue, right?

02:39:44.000 Yeah, it's uncomfortable.

02:39:45.000 I don't like it at all.

02:39:46.000 Yeah.

02:39:47.000 Go in disguise.

02:39:47.000 I hate it.

02:39:48.000 You know how hard it is for me to disguise?

02:39:52.000 Dude, people can see me from my lurched-over walk.

02:39:57.000 Sitting on a bench by myself eating a sandwich.

02:39:59.000 I just love that mustache.

02:40:01.000 That mustache is macked.

02:40:03.000 It's so nice.

02:40:04.000 Well, mushrooms now, people are really getting into the genetics of them.

02:40:07.000 Like, they're ramping the strength of those things up.

02:40:09.000 Well, there's some different strains.

02:40:11.000 Yeah, dude.

02:40:12.000 Pansyans and all that shit.

02:40:13.000 They're fucking wild, man.

02:40:15.000 And now it could be like, you can eat a gram of mushrooms, it could be a regular gram of mushrooms, or it can be eight times stronger.

02:40:22.000 So it's like...

02:40:23.000 Well, this town is filled with those psychedelic adventurer characters.

02:40:26.000 Yeah.

02:40:26.000 There's a lot of those here.

02:40:27.000 I got hit, literally, last night.

02:40:29.000 Yeah, there's a lot of those here.

02:40:30.000 I thought that was going to be an easy, nice evening.

02:40:32.000 There's synthetics, too, now.

02:40:34.000 So, like, if you're running, like, a giant op where you're selling all these, like, your grow might get fucked up.

02:40:38.000 You can order a chemical offline.

02:40:39.000 Totally legal.

02:40:40.000 You can order those offline.

02:40:42.000 All you gotta do is say, research purposes, yes.

02:40:44.000 And you can get this powder that's, like, similar to mushrooms.

02:40:47.000 You can just put that into chocolates and...

02:40:49.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:40:50.000 Is it psilocybin?

02:40:52.000 It's a psilocybin analogs, maybe, so it's close.

02:40:56.000 Oh, really?

02:40:56.000 Yeah.

02:40:57.000 Oh, yeah.

02:40:57.000 And you could put that in your stuff that you're selling people?

02:41:00.000 I'm sure you could.

02:41:00.000 Oh, God.

02:41:01.000 How dirty.

02:41:02.000 You've got to think about it.

02:41:03.000 That's the problem with it being illegal.

02:41:05.000 Exactly.

02:41:05.000 You're not buying it from Budweiser.

02:41:07.000 Anheuser-Busch sold their own mushrooms.

02:41:10.000 Mushroom light.

02:41:11.000 Let's go.

02:41:12.000 Anheuser-Busch.

02:41:13.000 Come on now.

02:41:14.000 A mushroom light.

02:41:15.000 Brother.

02:41:15.000 How good would it be?

02:41:16.000 We would be Vikings, dude.

02:41:18.000 We would be kings.

02:41:19.000 Nothing could stop us.

02:41:20.000 Maybe it would change the whole culture of the country.

02:41:22.000 Can you imagine?

02:41:23.000 If people just like ubiquitous mushroom use across the entire...

02:41:26.000 There'd be a lot to figure out.

02:41:28.000 There'd be a lot of mistakes.

02:41:29.000 Where's food?

02:41:29.000 It wouldn't be smooth.

02:41:31.000 It would take a long time.

02:41:33.000 Where's food is number one.

02:41:33.000 Food.

02:41:33.000 People would make some dope food on mushrooms.

02:41:35.000 I bet the pizza you make on mushrooms.

02:41:37.000 You're not even that hungry when you're on mushrooms.

02:41:38.000 I'm picturing you out there in your backyard with your pizza oven with your fucking ladle on mushrooms laying down the basil.

02:41:48.000 The dough would be impossible.

02:41:49.000 Oh, you buy it.

02:41:50.000 You buy it made.

02:41:52.000 You buy the dough.

02:41:53.000 Yeah, you buy the whole thing.

02:41:54.000 You buy DiGiorno.

02:41:55.000 You take mushrooms and then you buy the whole thing.

02:41:58.000 And you make La Mer make it.

02:41:59.000 Hold on.

02:42:00.000 You want to know the best part about how La Mer makes DiGiorno?

02:42:03.000 How?

02:42:03.000 He doesn't time it.

02:42:04.000 He's like, we're about three YouTube videos away.

02:42:14.000 I was like, are you sure?

02:42:19.000 This is our one DiGiorno in the house.

02:42:21.000 If this fucks up, we're fucked.

02:42:24.000 Oh my god!

02:42:27.000 Jamie, what is the best frozen pizza?

02:42:30.000 There's got to be like a fucking Mercedes of frozen pizzas.

02:42:34.000 What is it?

02:42:35.000 You can get some local ones in the cities you're at because they'll make take-and-bakes.

02:42:40.000 There's like mom's bake-at-home pizza.

02:42:42.000 That's a big change.

02:42:43.000 Oh, that's nice.

02:42:43.000 But a local one is the move.

02:42:45.000 That's the move.

02:42:46.000 You get like just the actual pizza that they serve you.

02:42:49.000 They do deep dish, yeah.

02:42:50.000 Chicago does like deep dish, all those places.

02:42:53.000 That's the move.

02:42:53.000 Take home.

02:42:54.000 That's a fucking move.

02:42:55.000 You're actually making the real pizza.

02:42:57.000 Again, you don't need pizza in your house.

02:43:01.000 That's true.

02:43:02.000 Because you're going to eat it.

02:43:03.000 You're going to eat it day one.

02:43:04.000 One night we went over Rapolo's next to the club.

02:43:07.000 We got like fucking ten giant pizzas, the big giant ones, and just gave them to everybody at the bar.

02:43:12.000 Pizza rocks.

02:43:13.000 Oh, so fast.

02:43:14.000 I knew I was eating garbage.

02:43:16.000 I knew it was terrible for me.

02:43:16.000 I loved every second of it.

02:43:18.000 And I powered through.

02:43:19.000 I was fine.

02:43:20.000 I know it's not good for me.

02:43:23.000 But it's good for me.

02:43:24.000 It's good for the soul, occasionally.

02:43:27.000 Let loose, yeah.

02:43:27.000 Good for the soul.

02:43:30.000 80-20 rule.

02:43:31.000 20% junk, 80% clean.

02:43:33.000 Matthew, can you hit me a Bud Light?

02:43:35.000 Absolutely.

02:43:36.000 You need some bullshit carbs in your life.

02:43:38.000 Yeah, it's like the snake venom, dude.

02:43:40.000 Whatever they call that thing.

02:43:41.000 Every now and then you want some bullshit carbs in your life.

02:43:44.000 You want a fucking big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.

02:43:47.000 Yes.

02:43:48.000 Give it to me.

02:43:49.000 Give me, give me, give me.

02:43:53.000 I gotta get like pulled off, dude.

02:43:55.000 Homemade spaghetti.

02:43:56.000 I gotta like pulled off the pot.

02:43:58.000 I'll put myself in a coma.

02:43:59.000 I can't stop going back.

02:44:01.000 With a good sundae sauce.

02:44:02.000 You know, when they fucking got that sauce cooking all day, just bubbling up on the stove, and the smells, and all the oils are on the top, and you gotta stir it, and you see the sausage in there, and the barjol, and meatballs.

02:44:15.000 Oh, baby.

02:44:17.000 I never, never...

02:44:18.000 Baby.

02:44:19.000 My mom cooks like a fucking moron.

02:44:24.000 We were jarred sauce.

02:44:25.000 Yeah, we were jarred sauce in the household.

02:44:27.000 My grandmother made everything from scratch.

02:44:29.000 The sauce, the pasta.

02:44:32.000 She'd be on the kitchen table with the flour and the rolling pin.

02:44:35.000 My grandma was mean.

02:44:37.000 Mine wasn't nice either.

02:44:38.000 She didn't cook anything.

02:44:40.000 Irish houses are canned sauce.

02:44:41.000 Irish houses are, yeah.

02:44:43.000 Smooth canned sauce.

02:44:44.000 That's that.

02:44:45.000 Spaghetti's cooked in five seconds and then you just ground beef.

02:44:47.000 You get wet lasagna.

02:44:49.000 The lasagna's soaking wet.

02:44:52.000 The last piece is in a puddle.

02:44:54.000 It falls apart.

02:44:55.000 Yeah.

02:44:56.000 What is this?

02:44:56.000 Our meatballs, my mom would just take hamburger meat.

02:44:59.000 You're supposed to like veal pork.

02:45:00.000 It was just a burger.

02:45:01.000 And then she would put breadcrumbs in it, too.

02:45:03.000 She was like, that's how my dad liked them.

02:45:05.000 So she would just cram like a fucking baseball-sized burger.

02:45:08.000 That's good, though.

02:45:09.000 That's good, dude.

02:45:10.000 Drop it into canned sauce.

02:45:11.000 And we were like, yes.

02:45:13.000 This shit rules.

02:45:14.000 I know I've been talking about it a lot with you.

02:45:15.000 Hamburger Helper.

02:45:16.000 Bro.

02:45:17.000 Hamburger Helper's delicious.

02:45:18.000 Yeah.

02:45:18.000 It's so good.

02:45:19.000 Fucking delicious.

02:45:19.000 I gotta have Hamburger Helper soon.

02:45:21.000 It's very good.

02:45:22.000 Maybe tonight.

02:45:23.000 Maybe me and Lamezi will...

02:45:24.000 Bro.

02:45:24.000 Have you drunk a solid chili?

02:45:26.000 Like a real chili?

02:45:27.000 Yeah, chili.

02:45:28.000 Oh, like a real one.

02:45:30.000 Oh, man.

02:45:30.000 And by the way, I like beans.

02:45:32.000 Beans rule.

02:45:33.000 Chili with beans is a good move.

02:45:34.000 What are you shaking your head at, Jamie?

02:45:36.000 Over here, they say chili doesn't have beans.

02:45:37.000 I don't fuck with beans, really, but I'll eat them in chili.

02:45:39.000 I don't fuck with beans either, but in chili, I'll eat them.

02:45:41.000 The texture, they're like powdery.

02:45:43.000 Beans rule.

02:45:44.000 With fucking peppers and the tomatoes in there.

02:45:47.000 Chili, I'll eat them in chili.

02:45:48.000 I like them in chili.

02:45:49.000 I like them in chili.

02:45:50.000 I like them in chili, but...

02:45:51.000 A solid chili?

02:45:52.000 Baked beans?

02:45:53.000 Fuck no, dude.

02:45:54.000 Oh my god, dude.

02:45:55.000 I lived off judgment.

02:45:57.000 I was eating baked beans as my only meal for several years.

02:46:01.000 You're eating like the Dennis the Menace bad guy, dude.

02:46:03.000 Probably.

02:46:04.000 With barbecue?

02:46:05.000 Like little baked beans with barbecue?

02:46:06.000 I don't fuck with beans either, man.

02:46:07.000 I'm...

02:46:08.000 Only in chili, or in soup.

02:46:10.000 I don't like beans at a Mexican place.

02:46:12.000 Matt, this is crap, what you're saying.

02:46:13.000 It's true, I don't like the powdery texture.

02:46:15.000 It's a nice texture.

02:46:17.000 What do you like, something more smooth and viscous?

02:46:20.000 Viscous.

02:46:20.000 Eww.

02:46:21.000 Salty.

02:46:21.000 I know what you like.

02:46:23.000 Like clams and stuff.

02:46:25.000 Nut.

02:46:25.000 Yeah.

02:46:26.000 Nut.

02:46:26.000 Oysters.

02:46:28.000 I love eating nut.

02:46:31.000 Yeah, I bet nut, if I was into it, I bet nut's fucking good.

02:46:35.000 Probably.

02:46:36.000 If you're really interested in it.

02:46:37.000 Yeah, especially if you get into it, you know, different, like, years, different types of dudes.

02:46:40.000 If I had one pasta, it would be linguine with white clam sauce.

02:46:43.000 That's a good one.

02:46:44.000 Done well.

02:46:45.000 Yeah.

02:46:45.000 When it's done really well.

02:46:47.000 Oh, my God.

02:46:48.000 Yeah.

02:46:48.000 It's gonna be fucking good.

02:46:49.000 Oh, it's good.

02:46:53.000 Italian food is so good.

02:46:55.000 They do a lot, right?

02:46:57.000 They do a lot.

02:46:57.000 They make cars good.

02:46:58.000 They look good.

02:46:59.000 They don't run good.

02:47:00.000 They look good.

02:47:01.000 They break a lot.

02:47:02.000 They look good.

02:47:03.000 They're good at paintings, good at sculptures, good at food.

02:47:06.000 Not good at handling a wave of an upper respiratory infection, though.

02:47:10.000 Italy got fucking crushed.

02:47:12.000 They scared the fuck out of the whole world, too.

02:47:14.000 Everybody's like, oh my god, that's coming to us?

02:47:16.000 They're all in their apartments, singing out the windows.

02:47:19.000 They got fucking annihilated.

02:47:21.000 Yelling at people to go outside?

02:47:22.000 Yeah.

02:47:22.000 They were the first to lock people down, too.

02:47:24.000 Yeah.

02:47:25.000 They were like, what the fuck is going on here?

02:47:26.000 Well, they said it was in the Fashion Week, I think.

02:47:28.000 They had people come in from China and stuff in the Fashion Week.

02:47:31.000 You've got an entire population that never has seen a vitamin.

02:47:35.000 They're drinking wine every day.

02:47:37.000 They all smoke cigarettes.

02:47:39.000 They're eating nothing but lasagna.

02:47:41.000 They're eating pasta.

02:47:42.000 By the way, they're a lot thinner than us, though.

02:47:44.000 That's what's crazy.

02:47:45.000 Yeah, it's weird.

02:47:46.000 There's such carb-heavy food over there, and they look great.

02:47:50.000 Yeah, but they don't munch like us.

02:47:52.000 Even in Spain.

02:47:53.000 I was in Spain.

02:47:53.000 Everything you eat is Mediterranean.

02:47:56.000 The portions and shit, yeah.

02:47:57.000 Yeah, they take it easy.

02:47:58.000 I was over there at the house and shit.

02:47:59.000 What do you think it is?

02:48:00.000 You think we're just gluttons?

02:48:01.000 Is that what a lot of it is?

02:48:03.000 Maybe.

02:48:04.000 On this guy that's Tucker Carlson thing, they were saying, this scientist that he had on, or this guy that he had on that used to work for the pharmacy, was saying that 10% of all food stamps, the number one thing that people buy with food stamps is soda.

02:48:18.000 Yeah, it's not a good fact.

02:48:19.000 Well, soda's so good.

02:48:21.000 It's so good.

02:48:22.000 I really don't drink it ever.

02:48:23.000 I don't either, but an ice cold Coca-Cola on ice?

02:48:26.000 Like a real Coke.

02:48:27.000 Burger, fries, Coke.

02:48:29.000 Oh, a real Coke.

02:48:30.000 Root beer.

02:48:30.000 Not a Diet Coke.

02:48:31.000 I love Diet Coke, just for the flavor.

02:48:34.000 But I feel fine when I drink a Diet Coke.

02:48:36.000 It never makes me feel weird.

02:48:37.000 When I drink a Coke, my body's like, what are you doing?

02:48:40.000 Dude, there's a lot of people who, for real, don't understand how sugar works at all.

02:48:45.000 I used to work with guys that would put 12 sugars in their coffee.

02:48:49.000 And then I'd be like, dude, you're going to get diabetes.

02:48:51.000 And they're like, it runs in my family.

02:48:53.000 If I'm going to get it, I'm going to get it.

02:48:54.000 And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.

02:48:56.000 There's two types of it, bro.

02:48:57.000 I'm like, you're going to get it.

02:48:58.000 You're going to have that.

02:48:59.000 If you put 12 sugars every day in your coffee, he's like, bro, if it comes from me, it comes from me.

02:49:03.000 I'm like, no, man.

02:49:04.000 Well, that was one of the number one reasons why people died of COVID. Findings show that number one purchased by Snap Households are soft drinks, which accounted for 5% of the dollars they spent on food.

02:49:16.000 Wow.

02:49:16.000 Okay, so this guy was saying it was 10%, but apparently this is saying that it's 5%.

02:49:21.000 It might have changed, but people drink a lot of fucking soda.

02:49:25.000 This is 2016. It said that down there.

02:49:28.000 2017. I mean, I'm sure it's more.

02:49:31.000 Look, it's so goddamn addictive.

02:49:32.000 I get it, though.

02:49:33.000 If you're on food stamps...

02:49:36.000 Let it ride, bro.

02:49:38.000 Why would I drink water right now?

02:49:40.000 You don't want to get out of there.

02:49:40.000 You don't want to be on food stamps forever.

02:49:42.000 Drink water.

02:49:43.000 It's cheaper.

02:49:44.000 You know a good way to get off food stamps?

02:49:45.000 Eat food.

02:49:46.000 What?

02:49:47.000 Get a job?

02:49:47.000 No.

02:49:48.000 What?

02:49:49.000 Ascend to the next life.

02:49:51.000 Oh, that's it?

02:49:52.000 That's the only way?

02:49:53.000 No.

02:49:54.000 Jesus.

02:49:55.000 I was on food stamps when I was drinking soda.

02:49:57.000 Call it a day.

02:49:58.000 Do you ever see when guys carry around a personal two liter?

02:50:01.000 Jesus.

02:50:02.000 Yeah, that's a wild move I've seen dudes do.

02:50:04.000 That's a crazy commitment to bad health.

02:50:06.000 Yeah, you hold it around, walk around.

02:50:08.000 Just carrying a jug of sugar water.

02:50:09.000 To be fair, it's also the top purchase of non-Snap households also.

02:50:13.000 Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

02:50:14.000 Oh, there you go.

02:50:15.000 What's his, like, milk is number one?

02:50:17.000 No, soft drinks.

02:50:18.000 Well...

02:50:19.000 Snap households, so it's more with the people that are on food stamps than it is with people who aren't.

02:50:26.000 Which is interesting.

02:50:27.000 Oh.

02:50:28.000 Quite a bit more.

02:50:28.000 Four percent to five percent.

02:50:30.000 Yeah.

02:50:31.000 More than five percent.

02:50:33.000 I think your soda's taking a hard hit, too, because a lot of people are just off it.

02:50:36.000 I don't think so.

02:50:37.000 Really?

02:50:38.000 I think it's fucking...

02:50:39.000 It's fine.

02:50:40.000 Yeah, I mean, it's...

02:50:41.000 People love it.

02:50:42.000 People love it.

02:50:43.000 People love it.

02:50:44.000 They can't help it.

02:50:45.000 They lie.

02:50:45.000 They say they don't drink it.

02:50:47.000 They're drinking it all day long.

02:50:48.000 I don't fucking touch it.

02:50:49.000 I don't drink soda at all now.

02:50:50.000 I drink Diet Coke.

02:50:51.000 I drink Diet Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper.

02:50:53.000 I'll drink those.

02:50:54.000 But you know what I really like is Zevia's.

02:50:55.000 Zevia's a guilt-free coke.

02:50:57.000 Guilt-free soda, rather.

02:50:59.000 What's it made with?

02:50:59.000 It's sweetened with stevia.

02:51:02.000 That's the only artificial sweetener I can have.

02:51:04.000 All the other ones, I'm like...

02:51:05.000 Dude, it's fucking good.

02:51:06.000 They make a cream soda.

02:51:07.000 It's fucking great.

02:51:08.000 They make a root beer.

02:51:09.000 It's fucking great.

02:51:10.000 A grape soda.

02:51:10.000 It's great.

02:51:11.000 Zevia's great.

02:51:12.000 It's really good.

02:51:13.000 Check it out.

02:51:14.000 And it's basically guilt-free.

02:51:16.000 It's just carbonated water with some stevia in it and some funky flavors.

02:51:21.000 It's not bad.

02:51:22.000 What does Zevia use for their flavors?

02:51:25.000 I drink it all the time, dude.

02:51:26.000 I'm addicted to it.

02:51:27.000 No!

02:51:28.000 Don't say that.

02:51:29.000 Son of a bitch.

02:51:30.000 The secret ingredient is cancer.

02:51:32.000 Doesn't Diet Coke fuck you up, though?

02:51:34.000 I'm sure it does, if you're a pussy.

02:51:35.000 I don't know.

02:51:36.000 Trump dog's crushing 40 a day.

02:51:40.000 He's going to be a president.

02:51:41.000 He's going to be 90. When he's 80, you don't tell him to stop drinking Diet Coke.

02:51:45.000 You say ride that fucking boat right into the rocks.

02:51:48.000 Yeah, it's so tight.

02:51:49.000 Yeah.

02:51:50.000 I like that that's the argument against Biden.

02:51:54.000 To me, obviously, there's no argument Trump's more cognitive than Joe Biden.

02:51:59.000 Yes, of course.

02:52:00.000 But it's not like he's no spring chicken.

02:52:02.000 He's going to be fucking geezed up himself.

02:52:04.000 No, if the Republicans wanted the best spokesman, it's Vivek.

02:52:07.000 Yeah, dude.

02:52:08.000 That guy's an animal.

02:52:09.000 Smooth, dude.

02:52:09.000 I was just praising him on the way here.

02:52:11.000 He's an animal.

02:52:11.000 I've been watching him on The Breakfast Club, man.

02:52:12.000 I like him.

02:52:13.000 He's so good.

02:52:13.000 He's so composed.

02:52:14.000 And he's only 38, which is what you want.

02:52:17.000 You want someone who actually has a future.

02:52:18.000 38 might be a little young.

02:52:19.000 I'm gonna leave my mark.

02:52:21.000 Bang.

02:52:22.000 You know, you don't want that.

02:52:23.000 I like him, man.

02:52:24.000 The more I watch of him, the more I like him.

02:52:26.000 I like him a lot.

02:52:27.000 I like Bobby, dude.

02:52:27.000 I like Bobby's my top choice, but Vivek is...

02:52:30.000 Vivek says a lot of very reasonable shit.

02:52:32.000 He does.

02:52:32.000 You hear his thing on abortion?

02:52:34.000 What'd he say?

02:52:34.000 If you're a man and you procreate with a woman, you're responsible financially for that baby and that woman.

02:52:41.000 His thing is to expand child support to the woman and the baby.

02:52:45.000 That would change a lot.

02:52:46.000 For 18 years.

02:52:47.000 And he was like, I think that brings both...

02:52:49.000 Wait.

02:52:50.000 What?

02:52:51.000 He was saying, if you get a lady pregnant...

02:52:52.000 You gotta pay for both of them?

02:52:53.000 Oh yeah.

02:52:54.000 Because he was like, the woman has to bear the biological...

02:52:56.000 Hold on a second.

02:52:57.000 What about how women are equal?

02:52:59.000 Yeah, Vivek's not...

02:53:00.000 Hold on a second.

02:53:02.000 Vivek's not dealing with that.

02:53:02.000 Yeah, but it's not an equal job.

02:53:04.000 There's not an equal responsibility.

02:53:05.000 It's not an equal job.

02:53:07.000 No, I like that.

02:53:07.000 You guys want to play double child support?

02:53:09.000 Is that what you guys are arguing for?

02:53:10.000 Yeah, I think you should.

02:53:11.000 Well listen, child support...

02:53:13.000 Why?

02:53:14.000 It's up to the woman's discretion how she spends it anyway, right?

02:53:17.000 Yeah.

02:53:18.000 I mean, she doesn't have to document that it's only being spent on a child.

02:53:20.000 Oh no, they can do whatever they want.

02:53:22.000 Spend on their new goddamn boyfriend.

02:53:23.000 A woman raising a child...

02:53:25.000 Yeah, you could have paid for her and the child and she's got a new boyfriend?

02:53:28.000 Well, you'll think twice?

02:53:28.000 I would punch Vivek in the fucking mouth, dude.

02:53:29.000 You'll think twice for a nuttin' in these hoes.

02:53:31.000 You'll think twice for a nuttin' in these hoes.

02:53:32.000 I'm not thinking about Vivek when I'm nuttin' in these hoes, dude.

02:53:34.000 It's Vivek.

02:53:35.000 My bad.

02:53:37.000 It's not Vivek?

02:53:39.000 What?

02:53:39.000 Vivek, like cake.

02:53:40.000 Vivek?

02:53:41.000 Vivek rhymes with cake.

02:53:42.000 Oh, nice.

02:53:43.000 Yeah, it took me a while, too.

02:53:44.000 That was Vivek.

02:53:45.000 Try Ramaswamy.

02:53:46.000 Try that one.

02:53:47.000 Ramaswamy.

02:53:47.000 I want a Hindu president so bad, too.

02:53:50.000 He would be dope.

02:53:51.000 Dude, everyone's against Hindu presidents.

02:53:53.000 I'm like, dude, we need to get some Hinduism going.

02:53:54.000 He's saying some wild shit about getting rid of the CIA and getting rid of the FBI. Like, bro.

02:54:00.000 Yeah, he's going to put you in a convertible.

02:54:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:54:07.000 Ah, shouldn't we have a roof here?

02:54:09.000 Shouldn't the car have a roof?

02:54:11.000 Nah, just get in the back.

02:54:13.000 What are all those men doing in the grassy knoll?

02:54:15.000 Ah, guys lifting up an umbrella.

02:54:17.000 That's weird.

02:54:18.000 Yeah, I like him, man.

02:54:19.000 Ah, fuck.

02:54:20.000 I mean, dude, I think the future's bright.

02:54:22.000 I think we'll get some...

02:54:23.000 Oh, that's nice to hear.

02:54:24.000 That's so optimistic.

02:54:26.000 Well, you can't bullshit really anymore.

02:54:28.000 People are going to start expecting, like, if you're a president ten years from now, at least, if you're not sitting down for a three-hour long-form, people are going to be like, fuck this guy.

02:54:35.000 That's like a Shamwell guy.

02:54:36.000 That is true.

02:54:37.000 You can't just do infomercials.

02:54:38.000 That is true.

02:54:39.000 They can sit and chop it up.

02:54:41.000 Bobby Kennedy can sit and chop it up.

02:54:43.000 It's going to start being like, I'm good.

02:54:45.000 They get mad at Bobby Kennedy.

02:54:47.000 I love that guy.

02:54:48.000 What are they mad at?

02:54:50.000 Well, it's always vaccines.

02:54:52.000 It's not that unreasonable.

02:54:54.000 There's an adjutant in them to evoke an immune response.

02:54:57.000 Adjutant evoke.

02:54:58.000 Yeah.

02:55:01.000 And it used to be mercury and sometimes it's aluminum.

02:55:04.000 I'm sick of these fucking adjutants.

02:55:06.000 It's a real thing, and it's wild how many people are not willing to even look at it as a possibility.

02:55:12.000 It's religious.

02:55:13.000 It can cause a problem with some folks.

02:55:14.000 Yeah, it became a thing.

02:55:15.000 It's a religious thing, because if you're a full scientist, your religious worldview is that we're one day going to conquer the mysteries of our existence via technological progress.

02:55:24.000 Vaccines are a big part of that, so if you're like...

02:55:27.000 They're definitely good, but maybe they're kind of fucking us up.

02:55:30.000 Well, it's like most things.

02:55:31.000 It's like most things.

02:55:32.000 They absolutely do work.

02:55:34.000 Yeah.

02:55:34.000 They absolutely do work in a lot of ways.

02:55:36.000 Dude, you can die from Tylenol.

02:55:37.000 If I took too many Tylenols, my liver will shut down.

02:55:39.000 Well, it's also different people have different responses.

02:55:41.000 You know, I can eat Brazil nuts all day long.

02:55:43.000 You give them to some people, they drop dead.

02:55:44.000 Exactly.

02:55:45.000 Yeah, I can take a Zen pick and my fucking pussy will fall off.

02:55:47.000 Yeah, your pussy rots out.

02:55:49.000 Charred pussy.

02:55:50.000 Satan pussy.

02:55:51.000 Whoa, imagine if you're religious and your fucking, your pussy starts showing like scorch signs.

02:55:55.000 Yeah.

02:55:55.000 Like it's hell.

02:55:56.000 It's hell pulling at your pussy.

02:55:57.000 Makes sense.

02:55:58.000 God, because you're too lazy to put down the churros?

02:56:04.000 Churros are good, dude.

02:56:05.000 You ever go to Disneyland?

02:56:07.000 Disneyland, you smell that churro stand?

02:56:09.000 Oh, I'm like, I'm at Disneyland, I'm getting a fucking churro.

02:56:11.000 I'm getting a churro, and I'm getting a turkey leg.

02:56:14.000 Turkey leg's nice.

02:56:15.000 Turkey leg's the bomb digger.

02:56:16.000 Turkey legs rule.

02:56:17.000 It's the best choice of food.

02:56:19.000 It's probably filled with chemicals, right?

02:56:21.000 Yeah.

02:56:21.000 But that's probably not real smoke.

02:56:23.000 Oh, dude.

02:56:23.000 They probably didn't really smoke that turkey.

02:56:25.000 That was a headless turkey, by the way, in like a fucking box.

02:56:28.000 Yeah, I was made in a bio lab in Ukraine.

02:56:31.000 It's the best choice, though.

02:56:32.000 What's up with those bio labs in Ukraine?

02:56:34.000 Do you want to feel good about your food?

02:56:35.000 Yeah, what is up with those bio labs?

02:56:36.000 I don't know.

02:56:36.000 They found bio labs there?

02:56:38.000 Oh, they found a lot of them.

02:56:38.000 Bro, what do you think we were doing over there?

02:56:40.000 True.

02:56:41.000 I mean, that's probably one of the ways I was like, guys, we got you.

02:56:43.000 We got you.

02:56:43.000 Cover your back.

02:56:44.000 Hold on.

02:56:45.000 Yeah, dude.

02:56:45.000 Settle down.

02:56:46.000 What is Burisma doing?

02:56:47.000 I don't know.

02:56:47.000 Anything.

02:56:48.000 I don't know anything.

02:56:50.000 It's all gonna come out.

02:56:51.000 I went into...

02:56:53.000 Wait, who blew up the Nord Stream pipeline?

02:56:54.000 I don't even know.

02:56:55.000 I don't know either.

02:56:56.000 There's all types of stuff I don't even know.

02:57:00.000 How the false Russia biolab story came to circulate among the U.S. far right.

02:57:04.000 Let's go.

02:57:05.000 So is it false?

02:57:06.000 Shit.

02:57:06.000 It circulated among me?

02:57:07.000 Hold on.

02:57:08.000 It was a lurid and difficult to believe claim that Ukraine was developing biological weapons with the assistance of the U.S. government.

02:57:13.000 In fact, U.S. assistance to Ukrainian biological labs has been targeted at strengthening public health measures.

02:57:20.000 Both the U.S. and Ukraine have also signed a treaty vowing to never produce or use biological weapons.

02:57:26.000 We promise.

02:57:26.000 Dude, we funded Wuhan.

02:57:27.000 But hold on a second.

02:57:28.000 No, but we promise.

02:57:30.000 But this is their saying.

02:57:31.000 U.S. assistance to Ukrainian biological labs exists.

02:57:35.000 But has been targeted at strengthening public health measures.

02:57:39.000 So they do have biological labs.

02:57:42.000 Now, by the way, there's a long history of biological warfare over there that I was on this show called Joe Rogan Questions Everything.

02:57:49.000 And one of the things that I did is I interviewed this former Soviet scientist.

02:57:52.000 And he's like, dude, we had trenches filled with anthrax.

02:57:55.000 He goes, there was all sorts of plans in place that if anything went sideways, that they were going to figure out a way to poison Americans.

02:58:02.000 I mean, it's a legitimate biological weapons tactic to develop.

02:58:08.000 But why would you, look, why would you think that if we develop nuclear weapons, we'd develop hydrogen weapons, we'd develop all these fucking supersonic missiles, we wouldn't fuck with viruses.

02:58:18.000 It's fucking bullshit.

02:58:19.000 That's crazy.

02:58:19.000 Of course they would.

02:58:20.000 We do.

02:58:21.000 100% we do.

02:58:23.000 That's what just killed, probably, that's just what killed a bunch of people.

02:58:26.000 It probably had something to do with that.

02:58:27.000 Shut down our whole entire world.

02:58:29.000 They most certainly developed that in the lab.

02:58:32.000 That has been established now.

02:58:33.000 They know, they literally know that the strain that came out.

02:58:38.000 Are you sure the guy didn't fucking eat a bat and a penguin?

02:58:41.000 A penguin!

02:58:42.000 Are you sure?

02:58:43.000 Yeah, the wet market.

02:58:45.000 It's a wet market, but it's weird because that became political.

02:58:47.000 Wet market was nice though, because then they filmed the wet market and you're like, yeah, obviously.

02:58:51.000 Right, but then the people on the left wanted to believe it came from the wet market.

02:58:57.000 Because the people on the right were saying it's the China virus.

02:59:01.000 It was a lab.

02:59:02.000 It was a lab.

02:59:03.000 No, that's a conspiracy theory.

02:59:04.000 So people argued as if their side had a win.

02:59:09.000 It has to be the wet market.

02:59:10.000 Because if it doesn't, then the fascists win.

02:59:13.000 They had this crazy connection to the source of a fucking pandemic disease.

02:59:18.000 Dude, I caught it, and I was like, this doesn't feel like anything I've ever had before.

02:59:23.000 It really wasn't that bad.

02:59:25.000 It was two days fever, but then I was just hacking up.

02:59:28.000 It wasn't even mucus.

02:59:29.000 It was like liquid.

02:59:30.000 I was like, what the fuck is this shit?

02:59:32.000 Me and my wife were both like, dude, this feels like some weird artificial something.

02:59:36.000 It felt bizarre.

02:59:37.000 Everybody said that it felt alien.

02:59:38.000 It did, dude.

02:59:39.000 Yeah, it felt alien.

02:59:40.000 I think it swirled your brain.

02:59:41.000 It was a new type of being sick.

02:59:44.000 Yeah, a new type of being sick, yeah.

02:59:46.000 Champed it, though.

02:59:47.000 Did you take vitamins or anything back then?

02:59:51.000 Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

02:59:52.000 I was taking them.

02:59:53.000 Most people that really got hit hard, they don't suck.

02:59:55.000 I was more of a vitamins guy, so I was fine.

02:59:57.000 He was drinking beer.

03:00:00.000 Beer works.

03:00:00.000 Well, no, it doesn't.

03:00:03.000 For the record.

03:00:04.000 Responsible.

03:00:05.000 No, it doesn't.

03:00:05.000 You're a spokesman now.

03:00:06.000 You've got to be careful about your claims.

03:00:07.000 I'm very responsible.

03:00:09.000 You could shit it out.

03:00:10.000 You could diarrhea it out.

03:00:11.000 It actually...

03:00:12.000 What is this, the pangolin?

03:00:13.000 Yeah, have you seen it?

03:00:14.000 Oh, that thing looks fucking delicious.

03:00:15.000 Is that that bastard that took down...

03:00:17.000 Prehistoric, man.

03:00:17.000 Look at that motherfucker.

03:00:18.000 You know they curl up in a ball?

03:00:19.000 Yeah, dude.

03:00:20.000 Yeah, it's just their armadillo.

03:00:21.000 They're armored, man.

03:00:22.000 You can't even cut that shit.

03:00:24.000 Look how cool they are.

03:00:26.000 God, that looks like it belongs a million years ago, doesn't it?

03:00:28.000 It's a good guy.

03:00:29.000 What a cool-looking animal.

03:00:31.000 Fuck, that thing's wild-looking.

03:00:32.000 Joe, what's your favorite animal?

03:00:34.000 If I had one that I'd love to look at...

03:00:36.000 I knew you'd have an answer.

03:00:37.000 If I had one I'd love to look at...

03:00:39.000 For me, it's always primates.

03:00:41.000 Always private.

03:00:42.000 I disagree.

03:00:42.000 If I could find one animal that I would see- I couldn't disagree more.

03:00:45.000 That one animal that I could go check out, it would be the Bondo ape.

03:00:49.000 Compared to a river otter?

03:00:50.000 Yeah.

03:00:52.000 These otters are cute.

03:00:53.000 You like watching the otters?

03:00:53.000 They fuck each other up.

03:00:54.000 You ever see river otter wars?

03:00:55.000 Yeah, when they fight, it's fun.

03:00:56.000 They get wars.

03:00:57.000 They have like turf wars?

03:00:57.000 A gang comes after another gang.

03:00:59.000 They fucking do that.

03:01:00.000 You ever see monkeys see magic tricks?

03:01:02.000 No.

03:01:03.000 That's fun.

03:01:03.000 Is it?

03:01:04.000 Dudes go to the zoo and do magic tricks, the monkeys go.

03:01:08.000 Really?

03:01:09.000 Dude, it's always...

03:01:10.000 The monkey acts like he's not watching.

03:01:12.000 Bro, you just stuff your snot rag right back in your pocket?

03:01:14.000 Yeah, man.

03:01:15.000 It's like a hanky, dude.

03:01:16.000 You're a man.

03:01:16.000 Handkerchief, man.

03:01:17.000 You're showing it to the monkey.

03:01:18.000 You're fully hanky.

03:01:20.000 Oh, look at the monkey, bro.

03:01:22.000 Look at the monkey.

03:01:22.000 The monkey freaked out.

03:01:23.000 Show that again, Jamie.

03:01:24.000 Show that again.

03:01:25.000 Watch this.

03:01:27.000 Check it out, dude.

03:01:28.000 What the fuck?

03:01:31.000 Every single time they go.

03:01:34.000 It's like, oh shit!

03:01:36.000 This is crazy!

03:01:38.000 That's amazing.

03:01:39.000 There it is.

03:01:41.000 Now you see it, now you don't.

03:01:42.000 Look at him, he's like, this is amazing.

03:01:44.000 Oh, that's so fucking funny.

03:01:47.000 That makes sense why I like magic so much.

03:01:49.000 Yeah, magic rules.

03:01:50.000 Yeah, it's awesome.

03:01:50.000 It is crazy.

03:01:53.000 But if there's one animal that I can go see, it's called the Bondo ape.

03:01:57.000 It's an enormous chimpanzee that lives in one specific area of the Congo.

03:02:00.000 They used to think it was mythological, but now they have tissue samples, they have skulls, they have a crested skull like a gorilla.

03:02:07.000 They nest on the ground like gorillas and they're huge.

03:02:09.000 They're like six feet tall chimpanzees.

03:02:12.000 Whoa.

03:02:12.000 Yeah, and the locals have two different types of chimps.

03:02:15.000 Look at the size of them.

03:02:16.000 Damn.

03:02:17.000 Yeah, one they call tree beaters, the other one they call lion killers.

03:02:20.000 They cut that guy's throat?

03:02:22.000 What the fuck?

03:02:22.000 They shot him.

03:02:23.000 They shot him at an airport.

03:02:24.000 Yeah.

03:02:25.000 They shot him at an airport?

03:02:26.000 Yeah.

03:02:27.000 Look at the size of them.

03:02:28.000 Oh, that looks like a gorilla to me.

03:02:29.000 Yeah, that's a big boy.

03:02:30.000 That's a gorilla.

03:02:32.000 Is that that doctor with a Bondo ape on you?

03:02:34.000 Listen, there's a guy named Carl Armand who's a Swiss wildlife photographer.

03:02:38.000 You did a magic trick?

03:02:38.000 He dedicated his life to find these things.

03:02:41.000 It's a documented animal.

03:02:43.000 They know it's a real thing now.

03:02:44.000 They have videos of them.

03:02:46.000 They're really big chimpanzees.

03:02:47.000 And they don't think necessarily it's a different species.

03:02:50.000 They think it's like a different...

03:02:51.000 Like the Clydesdales.

03:02:52.000 It's still a horse.

03:02:54.000 But it's like a crazy big horse.

03:02:55.000 But there's this one area called...

03:02:57.000 I think it's called Bili in the Congo that has this enormous chimpanzee.

03:03:02.000 Damn.

03:03:03.000 Yeah.

03:03:04.000 I would want to see that.

03:03:05.000 I don't like chimpanzees.

03:03:06.000 No?

03:03:06.000 You didn't like Chimp Nation?

03:03:08.000 I did.

03:03:08.000 Yeah, I liked it.

03:03:09.000 But there's two similar...

03:03:11.000 It's the human ears that fuck me up.

03:03:13.000 No other animal has those.

03:03:16.000 It's unset.

03:03:17.000 I don't know.

03:03:17.000 Something about them I don't love.

03:03:19.000 They have evil eyes.

03:03:20.000 Dude, you don't want to see a red panda?

03:03:22.000 Look at that arm.

03:03:22.000 The fucking size of his arm.

03:03:24.000 I would be super proud to have those arms.

03:03:26.000 Jamie, bring up red pandas.

03:03:27.000 Look at the size of his arms.

03:03:30.000 Look at his fucking build, man.

03:03:32.000 Insane.

03:03:33.000 That's funny.

03:03:33.000 I'd be stoked to be built like that.

03:03:35.000 Look at him.

03:03:36.000 Look at the size of him.

03:03:37.000 That's terrifying, dude.

03:03:38.000 I get it.

03:03:38.000 They do rule.

03:03:39.000 They are funny.

03:03:40.000 I might be dogs.

03:03:43.000 Dogs rule.

03:03:44.000 Wolves.

03:03:45.000 Wolves in the wild.

03:03:46.000 Being around wolves would be amazing.

03:03:48.000 Look at that, Red Panda.

03:03:49.000 He's such a cutie.

03:03:50.000 Come on, man.

03:03:50.000 So cute.

03:03:51.000 That is a cutie.

03:03:52.000 So cute.

03:03:53.000 Look at his little face.

03:03:54.000 Oh my goodness.

03:03:56.000 Oh my goodness.

03:03:57.000 Honey badger is fun.

03:03:59.000 Those are pretty dope.

03:03:59.000 They're fun.

03:04:00.000 Badgers are the shit.

03:04:01.000 Badgers are awesome.

03:04:02.000 Wolverines are cool.

03:04:03.000 Wolverines.

03:04:03.000 I just love that they come in and tell everybody, get the fuck out of here.

03:04:06.000 Everyone's like, what are you doing?

03:04:09.000 They attack big cats, and big cats are like...

03:04:12.000 They attack lions!

03:04:13.000 The lion's like, what the fuck are you doing?

03:04:14.000 Fuck off!

03:04:16.000 Fuck off!

03:04:16.000 Fucking kill me!

03:04:17.000 They're 30 pounds!

03:04:18.000 Fuck off!

03:04:19.000 It's the funniest animal possible.

03:04:21.000 Yeah, they are.

03:04:22.000 You fucking kill me right now, motherfucker.

03:04:24.000 Yeah, they're the most psycho animal.

03:04:25.000 For sure.

03:04:26.000 It's insane.

03:04:26.000 Yeah.

03:04:26.000 You sent me the video of them, like, going at lions.

03:04:28.000 It's like, what the fuck?

03:04:30.000 And all the lions are, like, confused.

03:04:31.000 Yeah.

03:04:32.000 They'll, like, hit it for a second.

03:04:33.000 One of them will get bit.

03:04:34.000 They'll all run.

03:04:35.000 That's so fucking funny.

03:04:37.000 Yeah.

03:04:38.000 Love it.

03:04:38.000 They're so tough.

03:04:39.000 I saw a badger once in the middle of the road and I got out to film it and started walking towards me.

03:04:43.000 I ran right back to the floor.

03:04:44.000 Hell yeah, dude.

03:04:45.000 Fuck this.

03:04:46.000 Fuck you up, dude.

03:04:48.000 Look at that badger.

03:04:49.000 Nothing.

03:04:49.000 This is nothing to me.

03:04:51.000 These jaguars are trying to kill him.

03:04:53.000 He's like, fuck off.

03:04:54.000 Leave me alone, bitch.

03:04:56.000 Fuck are you doing, bitch?

03:04:58.000 Fuck are you doing, bitch?

03:04:59.000 I'm going to bite your dick.

03:05:00.000 I'm going to bite your dick.

03:05:01.000 He's going to write for the dick.

03:05:02.000 Look, the cat's trying to kill him.

03:05:03.000 He's like, nope.

03:05:04.000 You can't kill me.

03:05:05.000 I was watching the thing on them.

03:05:06.000 I think it's like they're...

03:05:07.000 Fuck off!

03:05:08.000 Let it bite your dick.

03:05:09.000 He's going right for dicks.

03:05:11.000 He's going right at dicks.

03:05:12.000 They don't have flight.

03:05:13.000 They don't have flight.

03:05:14.000 No, it's all fight.

03:05:15.000 They just go at you.

03:05:16.000 So big animals are confused by it.

03:05:18.000 And they seem invulnerable.

03:05:20.000 Yeah, there's something about them.

03:05:22.000 Oh, and they're smart, dude.

03:05:23.000 There's one video of this guy that tried to keep one in captivity.

03:05:27.000 And it kept building stuff to escape.

03:05:30.000 And he had to cut down trees.

03:05:32.000 He had to hide everything.

03:05:33.000 Because it just kept getting out.

03:05:35.000 Remember we saw the Tasmanian devils?

03:05:37.000 They're so smart!

03:05:38.000 They're so determined.

03:05:40.000 And they just get out to run around and fight.

03:05:44.000 I gotta get out of here.

03:05:45.000 I gotta fuck something up.

03:05:46.000 Isn't it crazy that nature made that and a giraffe?

03:05:49.000 Like, nature's like, oh, everything.

03:05:51.000 All of it.

03:05:52.000 Everything.

03:05:53.000 Grasshoppers.

03:05:54.000 Let's go.

03:05:55.000 Yeah.

03:05:56.000 Frogs, birds, fuck it.

03:05:58.000 God is great, dude.

03:05:59.000 God is great.

03:06:00.000 God made all types of bullshit.

03:06:01.000 And it made people to make films of it.

03:06:04.000 It's awesome.

03:06:05.000 I bug out on all the stuff that's made.

03:06:06.000 I'm like, dude, this is crazy.

03:06:08.000 Every day.

03:06:09.000 It is crazy.

03:06:10.000 Universe, planets, bugs.

03:06:11.000 It's also when you see them fighting, you realize how goddamn vulnerable we are.

03:06:14.000 We're so weak.

03:06:16.000 Even like UFC fighters.

03:06:18.000 Our skin is made out of tissue paper.

03:06:21.000 We get cut all the time.

03:06:22.000 Dude, all of our vulnerable organs are right here.

03:06:24.000 It's all soft.

03:06:25.000 Everything's soft.

03:06:26.000 For real.

03:06:26.000 Even like the elite of the elite.

03:06:28.000 You know, like you're talking about Matt Hughes.

03:06:31.000 Even that guy.

03:06:32.000 Like against an animal.

03:06:33.000 He's just vulnerable.

03:06:35.000 Just nothing.

03:06:35.000 Honey Badger vs.

03:06:36.000 Beehive.

03:06:37.000 He doesn't give a fuck about bees.

03:06:39.000 He doesn't give a fuck.

03:06:40.000 Sting me, bitch.

03:06:40.000 Breaks the entire thing.

03:06:42.000 Sting me, bitch.

03:06:43.000 He's getting stung, dude.

03:06:44.000 He's getting stung.

03:06:45.000 He's getting stung.

03:06:45.000 He's getting mad.

03:06:47.000 He'll go right back.

03:06:48.000 Fuck it.

03:06:48.000 Ow.

03:06:49.000 He's getting stung in his eyeballs everywhere.

03:06:51.000 So good.

03:06:51.000 Honey's so good.

03:06:52.000 Look at his face.

03:06:53.000 What a little psycho eyes they have.

03:06:55.000 Yeah.

03:06:56.000 You know?

03:06:57.000 We saw Tasmanian Devils in Australia, and those things are cool as fuck, too.

03:07:00.000 Yeah, Tasmanian Devils.

03:07:01.000 Fucking rules.

03:07:02.000 Yeah, they do.

03:07:02.000 That might be the favorite thing I've ever seen in a zoo.

03:07:06.000 Yeah.

03:07:06.000 They have contagious cancer.

03:07:07.000 What?

03:07:08.000 Yeah, they have herpes?

03:07:10.000 Yeah, I thought so too.

03:07:11.000 I thought it was too, but it's the kind of cancer that they get from biting each other.

03:07:15.000 Yeah, they bite each other in the face so much, and they get these crazy face tumors from contagious cancer.

03:07:20.000 Koalas were fun.

03:07:22.000 Chalmers are tight.

03:07:23.000 Chlamydia boys.

03:07:23.000 They have chlamydia, right?

03:07:25.000 Yeah.

03:07:26.000 Everybody says that.

03:07:26.000 Every time you hold them, they're like, watch out.

03:07:28.000 They're real calm until they're hungry.

03:07:31.000 You need to keep feeding them if you want to hold onto them.

03:07:33.000 You let go, you stop feeding them for a little while, they're like, hey, motherfucker, where's the food?

03:07:37.000 And it changes what it is.

03:07:39.000 Yeah, they get nasty.

03:07:40.000 They're feeding them shit the whole time to chill them out.

03:07:42.000 Probably drug them up a little too.

03:07:44.000 Have you heard of a drop bear?

03:07:45.000 A what?

03:07:46.000 A drop bear.

03:07:46.000 What's a drop bear?

03:07:47.000 Sounds like it's awesome.

03:07:48.000 It went around the internet.

03:07:50.000 It's like mean koalas, but it turns out we're dumb Americans and don't know that it's like a meme.

03:07:55.000 It's not real.

03:07:56.000 But it looks like there's a bunch of facts about drop bears.

03:08:01.000 It's a koala with its mouth open?

03:08:03.000 Yeah, it's not real, but they made it sound real.

03:08:06.000 So they just have koalas with their mouths open?

03:08:08.000 They say they're more aggressive koalas or something?

03:08:11.000 They say they can fit their heads.

03:08:13.000 They drop from heights as high as 45 meters.

03:08:16.000 45 meters!

03:08:17.000 They fall out of the tree all the time.

03:08:21.000 Yeah, they get fucked up.

03:08:23.000 You know who doesn't get fucked up?

03:08:25.000 Squirrels.

03:08:26.000 True.

03:08:26.000 Squirrels fall from so far, dude.

03:08:29.000 They push each other out of trees when they're trying to fuck.

03:08:32.000 They push each other.

03:08:33.000 Get out of here, bitch.

03:08:34.000 Yeah, get out of here, bro.

03:08:35.000 They're really good at falling.

03:08:37.000 Jamie, can you find a video?

03:08:38.000 There's a koala that attacks a kid, and it's very funny.

03:08:40.000 Oh, no.

03:08:41.000 Well, it's just an adorable koala running up, and everyone's like, oh, nice.

03:08:44.000 It just starts going at a kid.

03:08:47.000 Yeah, they're little bears, man.

03:08:48.000 Yeah.

03:08:48.000 At the end of the day, they're little bears.

03:08:49.000 There he is.

03:08:50.000 Look at him.

03:08:50.000 Oh!

03:08:51.000 Oh!

03:08:52.000 He's just getting that kid.

03:08:53.000 Oh my god.

03:08:54.000 It's like Lilo and Stitch.

03:08:57.000 Bro, imagine that?

03:08:59.000 You're a little kid and you get attacked by that little fucker.

03:09:01.000 That'll fuck you up.

03:09:02.000 A teddy bear killed you?

03:09:03.000 Because he probably thinks you're small people or not people.

03:09:06.000 That's how dogs are sometimes.

03:09:07.000 Yeah, true.

03:09:08.000 Oh, oh!

03:09:09.000 Dogs think that small people are animals.

03:09:10.000 Dude, he runs off and so funny.

03:09:12.000 He fucks him up.

03:09:13.000 Just an adorable animal.

03:09:14.000 I would have beat the shit out of that kawala.

03:09:15.000 That guy, he handled that a lot better than the wrestling coach.

03:09:18.000 I would have fucking destroyed that kawala.

03:09:20.000 Yeah, I would've too.

03:09:21.000 Dude, how the fuck did that thing?

03:09:23.000 Stomp him.

03:09:24.000 Yeah.

03:09:24.000 Get the fuck out of here.

03:09:25.000 Guy throwing a raccoon when it attacks his dog?

03:09:28.000 Fired up.

03:09:28.000 Oh, yeah.

03:09:29.000 It's wonderful.

03:09:30.000 You ever see the one where the lady's in the backyard and the black bear is on the fence and her dogs are barking?

03:09:35.000 Yeah.

03:09:36.000 And she pushes the fucking bear off the fence?

03:09:38.000 She pushes the bear off the wall?

03:09:39.000 No.

03:09:40.000 It's like a young girl, too.

03:09:41.000 She's like 16. She's like, get the fuck out of here!

03:09:43.000 She's like so enraged trying to keep this one.

03:09:45.000 Watch this.

03:09:46.000 This lady's trying to keep her dogs alive.

03:09:48.000 So the bear comes up.

03:09:49.000 He's on the fence there on the wall there.

03:09:51.000 Oh shit.

03:09:51.000 Yeah.

03:09:52.000 So the dogs see it and they go running.

03:09:54.000 Oh with its cubs.

03:09:55.000 Oh with its cubs, no.

03:10:01.000 Oh!

03:10:03.000 Oh, that hurt.

03:10:06.000 Look at this crazy lady.

03:10:07.000 She pushes it right over the edge.

03:10:09.000 Damn.

03:10:09.000 That lady's wild.

03:10:12.000 That's a wild lady.

03:10:14.000 That's a wild lady.

03:10:15.000 That lady's got balls.

03:10:17.000 You know what's wild?

03:10:17.000 It says this is from Fox, Orlando.

03:10:19.000 There's no way that was in Florida, was it?

03:10:21.000 Of course it is.

03:10:21.000 Oh, 100%.

03:10:22.000 Oh, dude, they have a lot of bears in Florida.

03:10:24.000 Florida has a large bear population.

03:10:27.000 Yeah, someone got killed by a bear there a few years ago.

03:10:29.000 Damn, her mothering instincts kicked in with her dogs, man.

03:10:32.000 Some people don't play.

03:10:34.000 Yeah, man.

03:10:35.000 That whole crew.

03:10:36.000 All the shitty dogs ran out to fight.

03:10:38.000 She ran out to fight.

03:10:39.000 Dude, those bears.

03:10:40.000 That's the wrong answer.

03:10:41.000 Fuck.

03:10:43.000 All these losers are fighting me.

03:10:46.000 Little tiny dogs.

03:10:48.000 Yeah.

03:10:48.000 They don't fuck around.

03:10:50.000 Like, little dogs will attack.

03:10:51.000 They attack everything.

03:10:53.000 Chihuahuas, too.

03:10:53.000 It's a very bad instinct.

03:10:55.000 She's 17. Oh, wow, yeah.

03:10:57.000 She's a kid.

03:10:58.000 Gangster.

03:10:59.000 Good for her.

03:11:00.000 Boys, let's wrap this up.

03:11:01.000 Yeah, hell yeah.

03:11:02.000 Absolutely.

03:11:02.000 Matt and Chain's Secret Podcast.

03:11:03.000 Available everywhere.

03:11:05.000 Right?

03:11:05.000 Thank you, bro.

03:11:05.000 Where is it?

03:11:06.000 That's everywhere.

03:11:07.000 YouTube.

03:11:08.000 It's all over the place.

03:11:09.000 It's awesome.

03:11:10.000 It's hilarious.

03:11:11.000 Thank you, man.

03:11:11.000 Thank you so much, bro.

03:11:12.000 My pleasure.

03:11:12.000 Good to see you guys again.

03:11:13.000 You rule.

03:11:14.000 See ya.

03:11:14.000 I'll see ya.

03:11:15.000 Bye, everybody.

03:11:28.000 Thank you.

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 06, 2024

Joe Rogan Experience #2098 - Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis

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