The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #211 - Ari Shaffir (Part 1)

00:00:01.000 Are we starting now?

00:00:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:00:03.000 When was I going to fucking tweet it? 0.98

00:00:04.000 Oh. 0.99

00:00:05.000 Here we go. 0.85

00:00:08.000 The Joe Rogan Experience is sponsored by Fleshlight, the number one sex toy for men.

00:00:13.000 If you go to Joe Rogan's website, you can click on the link on the right side and put the code ROGAN in to save yourself.

00:00:22.000 How much, Joe?

00:00:23.000 15% off, Brian. 1.00

00:00:24.000 It's the number one sex toy for a reason, because when you fuck it, it feels way better than anything. 1.00

00:00:30.000 Any product you can buy. 0.99

00:00:32.000 I have tested every single thing out.

00:00:35.000 Japanese toys, things made in Africa out of cantaloupes.

00:00:41.000 I mean, I've tested everything.

00:00:43.000 It's produce-based sex toys mostly in the South Africa regions.

00:00:48.000 But the flashlight's always the number one.

00:00:51.000 It's the best.

00:00:52.000 They really, it's a genius invention. 0.98

00:00:54.000 I mean, it doesn't get the credit that it deserves because everybody's so embarrassed about the idea of fucking something. 0.99

00:01:00.000 It's dirty. 0.99

00:01:00.000 That's a problem. 0.99

00:01:00.000 It's dirty. 0.99

00:01:01.000 But it's an amazing product.

00:01:02.000 I mean, as far as like really effective products, I mean, it really does what is advertised. 0.99

00:01:08.000 It feels like a great vagina. 1.00

00:01:10.000 Not just a good vagina, a great vagina. 1.00

00:01:13.000 And if you like soak it in warm water before you fuck it, it actually feels like a human body. 1.00

00:01:19.000 It expands? 1.00

00:01:20.000 No, it warms like a human body does.

00:01:22.000 It feels like a human body.

00:01:25.000 I did one of those sleeps the other day where you wake up and you're just completely like, oh, I don't have to do anything.

00:01:30.000 So I'm just going to lay here and just kind of stretch out a little.

00:01:33.000 And then I saw the fleshlight on my nightstand. 1.00

00:01:35.000 I'm like, oh, I'm ready to go deep with this shit. 1.00

00:01:38.000 It was clean. 1.00

00:01:39.000 It had never been used before.

00:01:41.000 It was one of these new ones.

00:01:42.000 And I got this lotion.

00:01:44.000 It was great.

00:01:45.000 Every time I think I'll just do it in the morning and then I'll go back to bed, for some reason that morning nut fills me with energy.

00:01:52.000 And then I'm like, alright, time to start the day.

00:01:54.000 That pee boner where you actually bypass the pee and still come before you even go pee? 0.62

00:02:00.000 That's amazing.

00:02:01.000 That's a talent right there.

00:02:02.000 Those nighttime boners are so important in hotel rooms to go to bed.

00:02:06.000 Beat off right before you go to bed.

00:02:08.000 Like in the hotel room sometimes when you're on the road, you know, you have a hard time sleeping.

00:02:12.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:02:13.000 That's one of those nighttime masturbation sessions. 0.99

00:02:15.000 Here's my worst times when I'm on the road. 0.98

00:02:17.000 When a flashlight would come in handy.

00:02:19.000 And I know I'm going to only sit for two hours and have to go to radio, and I'd like to beat off into a sock, but I want to reuse that sock just for morning radio.

00:02:27.000 I don't want to use a fresh sock for it.

00:02:30.000 I feel like we're stepping on fortune cookie.

00:02:34.000 You can't bring the flashlight with you, though.

00:02:36.000 That's the delight.

00:02:37.000 Why not?

00:02:37.000 There's something about traveling with you.

00:02:39.000 It's like, man, you're admitting that you can't even go away for a couple days without beating off.

00:02:45.000 It takes such a blatant admission.

00:02:47.000 Just committing to it?

00:02:48.000 Yeah, so much so that you're not worried about being stopped at the airport and searched for sex tours.

00:02:53.000 They should have a travel flashlight.

00:02:55.000 Dude, you don't even know what happened.

00:02:56.000 You know Veronica Ricci? 0.86

00:02:58.000 She went to Israel last week.

00:03:03.000 What?

00:03:04.000 She just went there by herself.

00:03:05.000 What?

00:03:06.000 And they thought she was a spy, and so they went through her luggage for like four days.

00:03:11.000 And she didn't have luggage for four days, and they were like asking her, because I guess they thought she was like a terrorist of some sort.

00:03:18.000 Because there's no other girls her age that are not Jewish visiting Israel right now, I guess.

00:03:25.000 And so she had to buy all new clothes. 0.98

00:03:29.000 And then she said it was pretty fucking dirty and scary. 0.96

00:03:32.000 There's people with machine guns everywhere. 0.99

00:03:34.000 There are people with machine guns everywhere.

00:03:36.000 And a lot of people played oboes.

00:03:37.000 And she's like, dude, when you see machine guns and oboes getting played everywhere.

00:03:41.000 So just because she came there by herself, they thought that she was a terrorist.

00:03:45.000 No, no, no.

00:03:46.000 They're just really good at searching everybody.

00:03:47.000 And, well, she also bought her ticket, like, you know, last minute.

00:03:50.000 Like, she just wanted to go to Israel.

00:03:52.000 Let's get through these commercials so we can talk about this.

00:03:54.000 We have to say these commercials for us, Dan.

00:03:56.000 So if you bring a flashlight to Israel, be careful. 0.98

00:03:58.000 But other than that, go nuts.

00:04:00.000 We're also sponsored by Onnit.com.

00:04:02.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Makers of Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune, and New Mood. 0.76

00:04:08.000 What are these?

00:04:08.000 Most of them are what's called nootropics.

00:04:10.000 And what nootropics are is they're supplements that are designed to enhance the way your brain functions.

00:04:15.000 It's a very...

00:04:17.000 Controversial issue.

00:04:19.000 So Google it.

00:04:19.000 Check it out.

00:04:20.000 I've been using nootropics long before I ever started hawking them.

00:04:25.000 I was using Bill Romanowski stuff called Neuro One.

00:04:29.000 That's when I first got introduced to the world of nootropics.

00:04:33.000 And I've had very good results with them.

00:04:35.000 I like them.

00:04:36.000 But I believe in all kinds of vitamins. 1.00

00:04:38.000 I believe in eating healthy too, you stinky bitches. 1.00

00:04:41.000 Go to Onnit.com, check it out. 0.99

00:04:42.000 The supplements, all of them, when you order 30 pills, there is a 100% money-back guarantee.

00:04:47.000 You don't have to return the product. 0.99

00:04:49.000 You just have to say, this sucks. 0.93

00:04:50.000 Nobody is trying to rip you off. 0.97

00:04:52.000 Everything that we sell is the highest quality Possible.

00:04:56.000 The highest quality available.

00:04:58.000 And the best mixtures that we know.

00:05:00.000 The most important thing for us is that no one feels like they got ripped off.

00:05:06.000 So we make sure that there's a 100% money back guarantee on all first orders.

00:05:12.000 Did anybody ever do that?

00:05:13.000 Yeah.

00:05:14.000 Yeah, people take it out.

00:05:15.000 They get their money back.

00:05:16.000 You know, some people, first of all, I don't know how everybody's body works.

00:05:20.000 Everybody's body works different.

00:05:21.000 I could never claim that something that's effective for me is effective for you.

00:05:25.000 There's things that other people are allergic to that I'm not.

00:05:28.000 There's a lot of weirdness when it comes to bodies.

00:05:32.000 I don't know how your brain works.

00:05:33.000 Maybe your brain works better than mine all the time anyway.

00:05:35.000 Maybe some people need nootropics and some people are like those kids that can look out a window of an airplane and then draw everything they saw in exact proportion.

00:05:44.000 You ever seen that kid?

00:05:45.000 How does that kid do that?

00:05:46.000 I don't know.

00:05:47.000 Maybe his brain is just working in that function, in that regard, at so much higher RPMs than mine can ever achieve, ever.

00:05:55.000 I don't know.

00:05:56.000 But I know for me, nootropics are effective.

00:05:59.000 They are for a lot of my friends that take them.

00:06:01.000 Mayhem believes in them.

00:06:03.000 He told me the first time I ever gave them to him, he goes, I knew it was legit when I was fucking people up in video games. 0.70

00:06:08.000 Really?

00:06:08.000 He goes, my video game synapses were just on fire.

00:06:11.000 Really?

00:06:11.000 Yeah, because you're minus.

00:06:13.000 Video games are fucking, there's a lot of shit going on in your brain. 1.00

00:06:17.000 Like, people think that video games are vegging out. 1.00

00:06:19.000 Bullshit, man. 1.00

00:06:20.000 That's military training. 1.00

00:06:21.000 Yeah, it's when you're playing a really intense game of Counter-Strike or something like that.

00:06:25.000 I never got into that game, because I was really into more one-on-one games. 0.98

00:06:29.000 But there was a lot of dudes who would play Counter-Strike, and these motherfuckers were literally virtually going to war. 0.98

00:06:35.000 They'd have a LAN together, and they'd all be screaming out instructions at each other. 0.96

00:06:38.000 They'd all have headphones on, and they'd be playing some dudes on the other side of the room.

00:06:42.000 A lot of stimulus.

00:06:43.000 They were at war. 1.00

00:06:44.000 There was a lot of shit going on. 1.00

00:06:45.000 They had that kid who got a concussion in football and then killed himself like a day later. 1.00

00:06:50.000 They said he shouldn't have done anything that would stimulate his brain too much, but he's playing video games all day.

00:06:54.000 And they're like, absolutely do not do that.

00:06:56.000 Do not do video games in concerts.

00:06:58.000 You need to rest your brain for a little while.

00:07:00.000 Yeah, video games are really intensely exciting for the brain in a lot of weird areas.

00:07:08.000 You know, I mean, they get you, like, you're really at war.

00:07:11.000 This digital war is going on, you know?

00:07:13.000 Especially the live, one-on-one internet battles. 0.94

00:07:16.000 When I first found out that you could actually play a game with someone live, one-on-one, on the internet, I thought that was the coolest fucking thing I'd ever heard of.

00:07:26.000 I didn't know anything about pings, so the first time I did it, I'd, like, log on to servers in, like, Sweden. 0.97

00:07:31.000 I was like, yeah, I'm going to play some guy from fucking Sweden. 0.87

00:07:33.000 You play someone from Sweden. 0.99

00:07:34.000 Yeah.

00:07:35.000 That is pretty cool.

00:07:36.000 You can just find a person.

00:07:36.000 You have, like, this huge lag time.

00:07:38.000 Like, you're...

00:07:38.000 People are disappearing in front of you.

00:07:40.000 You're shooting rockets.

00:07:41.000 You're not getting all the packets from the game because they're so far away.

00:07:44.000 So you would have a big ping time to them.

00:07:46.000 We had Ethernet in college.

00:07:48.000 Everyone's connected to Carmageddon.

00:07:51.000 And in between levels, whoever won that race, we'd all just pour out into the halls and start mocking each other while they were loading up the next level.

00:07:58.000 It was super fun.

00:07:59.000 Oh, that's awesome.

00:08:00.000 Yeah.

00:08:01.000 There's nothing like what video games can do as far as that sort of a sense of a team game, almost like a team chess match.

00:08:09.000 There's nothing like video games.

00:08:11.000 I mean, chess is a brilliant game.

00:08:13.000 It's an amazing game for strategy.

00:08:16.000 You can stay up.

00:08:16.000 That's how stimulating it is.

00:08:16.000 You can stay up for like 25 straight hours to play video games.

00:08:19.000 Yeah, you don't get tired.

00:08:20.000 You want to keep going.

00:08:21.000 You're tired at 2 a.m.

00:08:22.000 and you go to sleep at 8 a.m.

00:08:23.000 You get away from the game and your hands are shaking.

00:08:26.000 Your whole body's pulsating with adrenaline.

00:08:29.000 Yeah, dude, we used to have these Quake land matches where we would all get together and we would have death matches where we would either have team matches where it would be our team and we'd go against other teams.

00:08:40.000 That was always real fun.

00:08:41.000 Or we would just fuck each other up. 0.99

00:08:43.000 We would just have melees where anybody was against everybody and we'd just run into a room and everybody would fucking kill everybody until there was one last man standing. 0.98

00:08:50.000 We should talk about this on the podcast. 0.91

00:08:52.000 We should!

00:08:53.000 Is this not part of it?

00:08:54.000 No. 0.99

00:08:55.000 God damn it. 0.99

00:08:56.000 It is and it isn't. 0.99

00:08:57.000 Most people will get this part.

00:09:00.000 Yeah, we have to make our commercials really commercials.

00:09:03.000 Eventually we're going to have to shorten these pictures.

00:09:04.000 No, just join in with them.

00:09:06.000 Because this stuff doesn't get put on, I don't think, Sirius Radio.

00:09:09.000 Oh, it doesn't?

00:09:10.000 No.

00:09:10.000 Okay, onit.com.

00:09:12.000 You know what to do, bitch. 1.00

00:09:12.000 Oh, really? 1.00

00:09:13.000 Enter in the code name Rogan, save 10%.

00:09:15.000 Alright cue the music.

00:09:16.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:09:17.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:09:22.000 Pajot Rogan experience.

00:09:24.000 Train by day!

00:09:25.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night!

00:09:27.000 All day!

00:09:32.000 What did you do that time?

00:09:33.000 Did you slow it by half?

00:09:35.000 The crafty devil.

00:09:37.000 It's DJ Redvan! 0.98

00:09:42.000 We've been talking for like 10-15 minutes about how fucking awesome video games can be. 0.77

00:09:47.000 And so the serious stuff starts right now? 0.96

00:09:49.000 Yes.

00:09:50.000 Wow.

00:09:51.000 Sort of.

00:09:52.000 They can do whenever they want it, really.

00:09:53.000 We should just record the commercials.

00:09:56.000 Maybe.

00:09:56.000 Maybe not.

00:09:57.000 People like it like this.

00:09:59.000 Some people don't.

00:10:00.000 It gives people reason to listen.

00:10:02.000 It's a conversation more than anything.

00:10:06.000 I don't know.

00:10:07.000 I think it's more effective.

00:10:09.000 I've been listening to us on Sirius Radio so much lately that it changes my whole look of how I do this part of the podcast, I think.

00:10:16.000 It seems really legit when you're just driving around and you just flip a radio station. 0.99

00:10:21.000 You're like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:10:22.000 That's me. 1.00

00:10:23.000 And you hear yourself.

00:10:24.000 The radio still is like, wow.

00:10:26.000 It's still, there's, yeah.

00:10:27.000 Well, it's also, the idea of the radio is it's people that don't necessarily want to hear you.

00:10:31.000 So you want to be like a little better for them.

00:10:33.000 You know, the people that already like you, like your podcast fans, you already got them. 0.91

00:10:37.000 But if you're on Sirius and, you know, and they click on and you're stumbling through your words and sounding like a retard. 0.98

00:10:44.000 It's like, what? 0.64

00:10:45.000 Who is this? 1.00

00:10:45.000 Yeah, what the fuck? 1.00

00:10:46.000 The Fear Factor guy has a radio show? 1.00

00:10:48.000 He's saying, I'm too much!

00:10:50.000 He's saying, you know, every other thing, you know? 0.99

00:10:52.000 You know, I fucking hate that I say, you know. 0.97

00:10:55.000 Do you? 0.99

00:10:55.000 Is that the one thing you catch by yourself? 0.99

00:10:57.000 God damn, I've been watching that lately. 0.97

00:10:58.000 You know, when I watched MC Chris was on your podcast, very nice guy, MC Chris, and this is not a criticism of him, but it made me realize it about myself, that he says, you know, a lot. 1.00

00:11:08.000 And I'm like, God damn, bitch, you do too. 1.00

00:11:10.000 That's what I said to myself. 1.00

00:11:11.000 I'm like, you say, you know, all the time.

00:11:13.000 Yeah, when you see it in somebody else, you can see it in yourself.

00:11:15.000 It's like a trickery for um.

00:11:19.000 You're pretending you're saying um, but you're saying it with two words.

00:11:24.000 No, it's not you know. 1.00

00:11:27.000 It's um, you fuck. 1.00

00:11:28.000 You're saying um. 1.00

00:11:29.000 What do I say a lot?

00:11:30.000 You say you know, too.

00:11:31.000 A lot of us do.

00:11:32.000 I think it's one of those things that one of us starts doing, and then we all start doing it.

00:11:36.000 Everyone just starts doing it.

00:11:37.000 Ari, do you know something I say a lot?

00:11:39.000 I think like, maybe.

00:11:41.000 Yes, you are a big like.

00:11:42.000 Yes, you say like a lot.

00:11:43.000 A lot of girls say like a lot.

00:11:45.000 Because that's my way of saying, like, here, I'll give you a different example.

00:11:50.000 Yeah, well, it's good when it works, when that is what you say.

00:11:54.000 But if it's just like...

00:11:55.000 You know, this like, so I'm like, and he's like, and there's like, I'm like, are you serious?

00:12:00.000 Like, is this like, I'm sure, like, whoa.

00:12:04.000 Like, you know what I mean?

00:12:06.000 I'm like, I don't get it.

00:12:08.000 In the future, somehow, we're not gonna talk.

00:12:11.000 We're gonna have our phone talk for us.

00:12:13.000 You said something really interesting the other day that I've been really thinking of, and it was a very valid point.

00:12:17.000 You were saying that that's what autism is.

00:12:20.000 That's what people that are emotionless, and that's what eventually, if we're all going to be connected digitally, there really won't be a need for emotions anymore.

00:12:29.000 It's like that might be the next stage.

00:12:31.000 A lot of people have speculated that what some of the autism spectrum disorders are is the human body possibly making a change.

00:12:41.000 Getting ready for some new development?

00:12:43.000 I don't know.

00:12:44.000 It could be a lot of different things.

00:12:46.000 They say there's environmental factors, like a lot of people say that it's toxins.

00:12:51.000 There's been arguments about vaccinations, all sorts of different things.

00:12:54.000 But the idea is that they don't know what it is, or maybe it's that it's just being diagnosed more.

00:12:59.000 There's arguments both ways.

00:13:00.000 But something's happening, and there's a lot of kids that are experiencing this sort of a disassociated behavior.

00:13:06.000 You know, and it's super unfortunate, but it might be representing, according to people way smarter than me, so I don't even know exactly what they're meaning by this, but they're saying that it might be representing a next stage in the development of human beings.

00:13:24.000 And that as a result of all of our technological connection with each other and being able to text and send pictures and do everything sort of virtually to each other that slowly the human body is having less and less of a need of the extreme sort of emotional interaction that has sort of gotten us to where we are today.

00:13:52.000 I get addicted to the computer and the phone.

00:13:56.000 Yeah.

00:13:57.000 It takes me two hours to just start taking a shower.

00:14:00.000 I'm like, let me just check this again on Facebook and then Twitter.

00:14:03.000 It's something unhealthy.

00:14:04.000 There's something going on with it.

00:14:06.000 There's something fascinating about it.

00:14:08.000 It is just like what we were talking about earlier about video games.

00:14:11.000 We were saying that video games are so stimulating, like you never get tired.

00:14:15.000 Is it just the light?

00:14:15.000 Is that a lot of it?

00:14:17.000 Maybe it's something.

00:14:18.000 The visuals.

00:14:20.000 You know, like really cool graphics.

00:14:21.000 It's the challenge.

00:14:22.000 People do want to get challenged.

00:14:24.000 It's like a game.

00:14:24.000 It's like anything.

00:14:25.000 Well, it's also replacing all those instincts that are in our DNA that sort of got us to where we are today.

00:14:32.000 You know, I've been watching this...

00:14:34.000 Just sit still.

00:14:34.000 What's that?

00:14:35.000 To sit still and just look at things?

00:14:37.000 Yeah.

00:14:37.000 And move your wrist?

00:14:38.000 Yeah, that's... 0.95

00:14:39.000 I mean, that's replacing going out and killing animals.

00:14:43.000 That's replacing fighting off the enemy.

00:14:45.000 That's replacing, you know, swimming to safety because your boat breaks a hole in it.

00:14:50.000 You know what I mean?

00:14:51.000 I mean, this is... 0.99

00:14:52.000 The world that we're living in, it's not filled with all these needs for violent explosions and running away from danger and all the shit that the body's programmed for. 0.96

00:15:01.000 So instead, it's slowly... 0.93

00:15:04.000 Entering to some sort of a symbiotic relationship with machines, and as it enters into this relationship with machines, it becomes less and less emotional.

00:15:13.000 It's less and less interactive with humans, less and less dependent on that, and perhaps one day, ultimately, not dependent at all.

00:15:20.000 Because one day, ultimately, if you expand on how far, how much of a connection we have with computers now, and how this didn't even exist at all just a hundred years ago, no electronics, no nothing a hundred years ago, Think of it.

00:15:33.000 It's not outside the realm of possibility to envision some sort of a permanent interaction that humans are going to have with some sort of electronic environment.

00:15:43.000 Like claws that would come out to hold your phone when you're typing on it.

00:15:46.000 Something where, you know, you're much more interactive virtually than you ever are physically. 0.99

00:15:52.000 And that you will eventually become a part of a fucking system. 0.98

00:15:57.000 Like, you'll become an emotional part. 1.00

00:15:59.000 Integrated.

00:15:59.000 Integrated, yeah.

00:16:00.000 A Borg. 0.75

00:16:00.000 Yep, a Borg, for real. 0.75

00:16:02.000 Nuts, right?

00:16:03.000 Super possible.

00:16:04.000 Super possible.

00:16:05.000 That sounds like a way more evolved state. 0.51

00:16:07.000 Well, you've got to think, I mean, we're hanging on to these goddamn emotions, these things that make us fly planes into buildings, and these things that make us want to, you know, jack other people, and I was reading CNN today, and that guy in, I believe it's Liberia?

00:16:22.000 Charles Taylor? 0.95

00:16:23.000 Yeah, he got convicted. 0.99

00:16:25.000 Yeah, they were saying, send a message to the other tyrants, I ain't going to send shit for a message. 0.99

00:16:29.000 Yeah, how is that? 0.99

00:16:30.000 By the time you're even close to getting overthrown, you've already done enough shit to get tried for. 0.79

00:16:35.000 Yeah, I never even heard of this Charles Taylor guy. 1.00

00:16:38.000 Oh, he's one of the worst.

00:16:39.000 He just didn't have a good name.

00:16:40.000 That was his only problem.

00:16:42.000 Isn't that amazing?

00:16:43.000 Yep. 0.98

00:16:43.000 He snuck through being Charles Taylor and just fucked that country up. 0.98

00:16:48.000 Fucked up Liberia. 1.00

00:16:49.000 Civil War for years. 0.98

00:16:51.000 What did he do?

00:16:51.000 What was his exact crime?

00:16:53.000 I don't know.

00:16:53.000 Probably killing people.

00:16:55.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:16:57.000 Probably killing people.

00:16:58.000 Maybe he jaywalked back and forth like a billion times in a row.

00:17:01.000 Was his name Charles Taylor?

00:17:03.000 Uh-huh.

00:17:04.000 Yeah.

00:17:05.000 My friend Jesse, I have a few friends from there, from Liberia, from college.

00:17:09.000 They were just saying it just ruined everything.

00:17:11.000 The infrastructure was just ruined by the Civil War.

00:17:13.000 Ugh.

00:17:15.000 The whole story of Liberia is so crazy, and we've mentioned this before, but if you haven't heard the episode, please go and check out Vice Guide to Liberia.

00:17:24.000 You want to see what's up with Liberia. 0.95

00:17:26.000 Holy shit, was that fascinating. 0.99

00:17:29.000 He went? 1.00

00:17:29.000 Yeah, he went. 1.00

00:17:30.000 Shane went.

00:17:31.000 They're trying to get tourism back.

00:17:32.000 Oh my god, dude.

00:17:34.000 You've got to see this guy's...

00:17:36.000 Video.

00:17:37.000 Vice Guide to Liberia is one of the best pieces of online journalism I've ever seen.

00:17:43.000 Ever.

00:17:43.000 They went into Liberia.

00:17:45.000 They explained everything.

00:17:46.000 They showed these brothels where it's like a dollar or something like that or 25 cents. 1.00

00:17:51.000 I mean, something ridiculous. 0.57

00:17:52.000 I mean, it shows how scary it is there. 1.00

00:17:56.000 They talked to that general butt-naked guy, the guy who was telling them about how they would kill the enemy's babies and eat their flesh. 0.99

00:18:04.000 He's telling them this. 0.99

00:18:05.000 I mean, he's talking about how we would kill the flesh and eat the flesh of the innocent child that would make us invincible. 0.78

00:18:12.000 And he would fight naked. 0.94

00:18:13.000 He called them general butt naked because he would go to war naked. 0.99

00:18:16.000 He would shoot people while he was naked. 0.97

00:18:17.000 Yeah, he's responsible for the deaths of thousands and thousands of people, personally.

00:18:21.000 Absolutely responsible.

00:18:22.000 And he became a Christian.

00:18:25.000 And when he became a Christian, they forgave him. 0.95

00:18:28.000 What?

00:18:28.000 Yes, he's a preacher.

00:18:29.000 And they forgave him for all of his murders because he found the Lord.

00:18:34.000 Wow, it's the Christianity teachers, right? 0.80

00:18:35.000 It's a crazy story.

00:18:37.000 Wash it clean if you're sorry for it.

00:18:39.000 Yeah, but I mean the fact that he was able to kill and eat babies and they don't even want him in jail. 0.97

00:18:44.000 Yeah, he would kill and eat innocent children. 0.92

00:18:47.000 Because he had a change of heart soon enough. 0.94

00:18:49.000 Yeah, he found the Lord.

00:18:50.000 Well, if it's just for rehab, then he's already rehabbed.

00:18:54.000 Yeah, I guess he's out.

00:18:56.000 He's good.

00:18:57.000 He feels bad.

00:18:58.000 He feels totally bad for eating all those babies.

00:19:00.000 I don't think it was because he was hungry.

00:19:03.000 He only did it because he wanted to be invincible.

00:19:06.000 To be invincible, you had to do something unbelievably heinous.

00:19:10.000 In times of war, you had to be willing to eat the enemy's children.

00:19:15.000 You get their energy?

00:19:16.000 I don't know.

00:19:16.000 Well, you're committing so far to terror and horror that you would probably be, I mean, the berserker mentality that they must have had to be able to do that to innocent children.

00:19:27.000 I mean, just to be completely inhuman like that.

00:19:30.000 And then the fact that this guy, all he has to do is just learn about some old stuff and learn about Jesus and find the Word of God.

00:19:38.000 And everyone's like, all right, we're going to let you go, dude.

00:19:44.000 I know you feel bad.

00:19:45.000 You're a priest now.

00:19:47.000 I mean, what are you...

00:19:48.000 I mean, that is a crazy place to live. 1.00

00:19:50.000 Is there one of those priests that he can't have sex with women or he can? 1.00

00:19:52.000 Oh yeah, he can fuck. 1.00

00:19:53.000 Okay. 1.00

00:19:55.000 Most priests are allowed, right?

00:19:57.000 Yeah.

00:19:58.000 Half and half?

00:19:59.000 No, most priests aren't, I think, right?

00:20:01.000 Are not allowed?

00:20:02.000 Yeah, that's what it is in Catholicism.

00:20:06.000 It's nothing.

00:20:07.000 Catholicism, I know, is the one. 0.82

00:20:09.000 Yeah, Catholicism is nothing. 1.00

00:20:10.000 You're not allowed to fuck anybody. 1.00

00:20:12.000 No fucking. 1.00

00:20:13.000 Done. 1.00

00:20:13.000 Period. 1.00

00:20:14.000 But I think that's the only one that requires you to be completely celibate, right?

00:20:19.000 Yeah.

00:20:19.000 Oh yeah, other ones just so you have to be married.

00:20:22.000 Monks aren't, right? 1.00

00:20:24.000 Buddhist monks are not supposed to fuck. 1.00

00:20:26.000 That makes sense though. 1.00

00:20:27.000 They go without talking too, right?

00:20:29.000 They had this interview with the Dalai Lama recently.

00:20:33.000 It's funny that everybody's listening to this dude.

00:20:36.000 It was a real weird thing.

00:20:38.000 They asked him about women.

00:20:40.000 He's like, yeah, sometimes I'm attracted to women, but then I think, oh, it's so much work and I can't do this.

00:20:46.000 Dalai Lama says that?

00:20:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:20:48.000 I love his Twitter.

00:20:49.000 I always check out his photos.

00:20:51.000 Yeah, he really is a cool guy, I think.

00:20:54.000 Really?

00:20:55.000 Yeah.

00:20:55.000 That's cool.

00:20:56.000 I think so.

00:20:57.000 He's all positive.

00:20:59.000 Dalai Lama?

00:21:00.000 I mean, his argument about being in relationships, he's like...

00:21:03.000 Oh, I can't.

00:21:04.000 It's too much trouble.

00:21:05.000 There's a lot of trouble.

00:21:06.000 I mean, he's right in a lot of ways. 0.89

00:21:09.000 So he has sex, though.

00:21:10.000 He would go have a relationship.

00:21:12.000 I don't think he ever has.

00:21:13.000 I think that's the point.

00:21:14.000 Who's the Dalai Lama?

00:21:15.000 Where did he come from?

00:21:16.000 I think he was born the Dalai Lama.

00:21:18.000 Oh.

00:21:18.000 Yeah, it's one of those things where you're sort of...

00:21:21.000 I think he's like the 16th or something like that. 0.96

00:21:24.000 What it is is beyond ridiculous. 0.58

00:21:27.000 Oh, it's not. 0.98

00:21:28.000 He's just a dude.

00:21:29.000 I was thinking it was Gandhi.

00:21:30.000 He's a dude that's been like, oh, Gandhi's a completely different guy from the Dalai Lama.

00:21:33.000 Yes.

00:21:34.000 They should have met, though.

00:21:35.000 I know.

00:21:36.000 They would probably be friends, yeah.

00:21:38.000 They didn't?

00:21:39.000 Do we know that they didn't?

00:21:40.000 I wish they did.

00:21:41.000 Well, the Dalai Lama looks like he's old enough to have known Gandhi.

00:21:44.000 How old was Gandhi?

00:21:44.000 If there's a lot of Dalai Lamas, then there might have been one when he was around.

00:21:47.000 I'm sure they were friends.

00:21:48.000 When was Gandhi around?

00:21:50.000 40s, 20s, 50s, 60s?

00:21:52.000 I mean, in the 1900s, I think.

00:21:54.000 Did you see Adam or Jimmy Kimolko do the president's thing?

00:21:59.000 Yeah, what did he exactly say?

00:22:01.000 Can you pull it up?

00:22:02.000 Oh, dude, that was...

00:22:03.000 He said a bunch of stuff.

00:22:03.000 Pull up the part about marijuana.

00:22:05.000 Yeah, that's what I mean.

00:22:06.000 Oh, yeah, that's so good.

00:22:07.000 He started if it was okay.

00:22:08.000 He started strong, then it went a little slow for a while, and then by the time I got to the marijuana, I was, like, tuned out already.

00:22:13.000 Oh, really?

00:22:13.000 Yeah, it was, like, everything was just skirting over my head.

00:22:16.000 And then he ended strong.

00:22:17.000 No, it was just an uncomfortable situation.

00:22:20.000 He asked, like, how many people here have not smoked pot?

00:22:22.000 Yeah.

00:22:23.000 And then, like, maybe a quarter of the crowd raised their hand.

00:22:25.000 And then I think he made his point from there.

00:22:27.000 Yeah, it's... 1.00

00:22:28.000 Play the shit out of it. 0.99

00:22:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:22:31.000 Beautiful.

00:22:33.000 No, this is the whole thing.

00:22:34.000 Yeah, I know.

00:22:35.000 I can find it.

00:22:36.000 Oh, I bet you can. 1.00

00:22:37.000 You're a fucking animal. 1.00

00:22:38.000 I'll watch you find it. 1.00

00:22:40.000 Not only for a sense of... ...the jackass. 0.96

00:22:44.000 Which, no offense, sir, but I think you got the wrong West. 0.97

00:22:49.000 I think you meant Alan.

00:22:51.000 This is the boring part.

00:22:52.000 I don't know any of these guys.

00:22:56.000 George Clooney just hanging.

00:22:58.000 Members of the media, politicians, corporate executives, advertisers, lobbyists, and celebrities.

00:23:03.000 Everything that is wrong with America is here in this room tonight.

00:23:08.000 Unfortunately, the Speaker of the House, John Bain, was on my glass, I think, from last year.

00:23:12.000 Nancy Pelosi believes in lipstick the same way she believes in government. 1.00

00:23:15.000 Too much is never enough.

00:23:19.000 This was so, so far.

00:23:20.000 That's how he was discovered.

00:23:22.000 Some people say Mitt Romney won't be elected president because he's...

00:23:25.000 What are you doing, Brian?

00:23:27.000 Let it play.

00:23:28.000 Let it play a little bit.

00:23:34.000 In the end, Rick Santorum may not have won the nomination, but he succeeded in getting his message out, not just to Americans, but to people all aflat the world.

00:23:46.000 Ron Paul is still in there.

00:23:48.000 He's still sticking with it. 0.99

00:23:49.000 to me ron paul looks like the guy who gets unhooded at the end of every scooby-doo episode it's great to see the gingriches here tonight because i guess that means the check cleared Oh, shit. 0.98

00:24:07.000 He's broke. 0.99

00:24:08.000 Nude, I have a question. 0.98

00:24:09.000 How can you be against gay marriage when you yourself are the son of two gay parents? 0.96

00:24:13.000 The Michelin Man and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

00:24:18.000 I don't understand politicians who are against gay marriage.

00:24:20.000 I don't understand anyone who's against gay marriage.

00:24:22.000 And when you really think about it, aren't all marriages kind of gay? 0.78

00:24:25.000 I mean, as a man when you get married, essentially what you're saying is, I will never touch another woman as long as I live. 1.00

00:24:34.000 Now let's put jewelry on each other and dance. 0.98

00:24:39.000 Not that it's any of my business, Mr. Gingrich, but why are you waiting until Tuesday to drop out of this?

00:24:44.000 Just do it now.

00:24:44.000 It's time to mid or get off the pot.

00:24:48.000 The election process has changed a lot over the last 10 years.

00:24:51.000 As you know, the president finally gave in...

00:24:53.000 This is the bad part.

00:24:53.000 This is terrible.

00:24:54.000 The short-changing of it.

00:24:55.000 But you know what?

00:24:56.000 You know what's really good is there's an Olive Garden joke in it.

00:24:59.000 Did you hear that?

00:25:01.000 No.

00:25:02.000 See if we can get to the pot part.

00:25:04.000 Put it on mute until everybody raised our hands.

00:25:06.000 Just watch for it.

00:25:07.000 Supercommittees are to committees.

00:25:09.000 What super cuts is to cuts.

00:25:10.000 This isn't it.

00:25:11.000 TV in 2000.

00:25:12.000 The list of Madison.

00:25:13.000 Let's take a quick poll.

00:25:18.000 He's so good at this, man.

00:25:20.000 Raise your hand if you've never smoked pot.

00:25:24.000 There you go.

00:25:26.000 Look at Brit Hume.

00:25:27.000 He's high right now.

00:25:30.000 He's on his fourth almond macaroon.

00:25:33.000 Mr. President, I hope you don't think I'm out of line here, but marijuana is something that real people care about, and the fact that you believe Speaker Boehner, when he tells you he still has control of his party, leads me to believe that you must be smoking some crazy great weed yourself.

00:25:47.000 Woody Harrelson just woke up.

00:25:51.000 As we know now, last year at this dinner, President Obama had his team on the way to kill Osama Bin Laden.

00:25:56.000 Is that it?

00:25:57.000 Yeah.

00:25:57.000 He's so good at that, man.

00:25:59.000 That guy is, uh, he's, in my opinion, I think he's the best talk show host alive.

00:26:04.000 Yeah, he's pretty fun. 0.70

00:26:05.000 He's the best at, like, weaving between, like, this sort of a subtle, you know he's fucking around, like, way of talking. 0.82

00:26:13.000 Yeah.

00:26:14.000 With, like, being, like, a very, but a very professional, expressive announcer.

00:26:20.000 It's like, He's so good at it, man.

00:26:22.000 I've got a few times to watch because Barris does a warm-up, so I'll just stand on the side.

00:26:26.000 I don't think he gets the credit he deserves.

00:26:27.000 I think Jimmy Kimmel's the best talk show host in the country.

00:26:30.000 The other ones are all done, right?

00:26:32.000 I still love Letterman because to me, Letterman is just a staple.

00:26:37.000 I'll watch the one great interview that he'll do once a year.

00:26:44.000 He's got so much history.

00:26:48.000 Letterman is so good.

00:26:49.000 He's so quick.

00:26:50.000 Yeah.

00:26:51.000 He's been around for so long.

00:26:52.000 And I think Jon Stewart too.

00:26:53.000 I don't watch him anymore.

00:26:54.000 Jon Stewart is so committed to politics and that political show that I don't watch it as much maybe as I would if it was just like if Jon Stewart had his own show instead of just The Daily Show.

00:27:04.000 But I think he's also one of the best.

00:27:06.000 Magic goes on there all the time now.

00:27:08.000 Yeah, Al Magical is like one of the...

00:27:10.000 What do they have him?

00:27:13.000 Correspondents.

00:27:14.000 Correspondents, yeah. 1.00

00:27:15.000 Al Magical is the shit. 1.00

00:27:16.000 Yeah, he is. 1.00

00:27:17.000 He's such a great guy.

00:27:18.000 Yeah, that guy is the best, too.

00:27:21.000 I mean, I think he's the best at political stuff, for sure. 0.88

00:27:24.000 I think Colbert, that fucking tongue-in-cheek thing he does, it's like, how does he keep this going? 0.95

00:27:28.000 That's more a character to me. 0.98

00:27:29.000 I know, but I don't understand how he keeps it going, to take the opposite approach, the opposite side, in order to mock that opposite side. 0.99

00:27:36.000 He must be smart as fuck. 1.00

00:27:37.000 He must be smart as fuck. 1.00

00:27:38.000 Yeah, I'm sure he is. 0.99

00:27:40.000 We're talking about the airplanes landing in Israel.

00:27:43.000 What's that?

00:27:44.000 We're talking about his wife getting pulled over in Israel.

00:27:48.000 Oh, Brian's girl.

00:27:49.000 Yeah.

00:27:50.000 You said wife. 0.99

00:27:51.000 You scared the shit out of me. 0.97

00:27:53.000 I'm like, Brian, what'd you do? 0.98

00:27:54.000 I got married.

00:27:55.000 Oh.

00:27:56.000 Dude, you, your girl that you were seeing, went to Israel by herself, you were saying?

00:28:03.000 Yeah, she decided she wanted to... 0.98

00:28:05.000 She does that. 0.98

00:28:06.000 She likes to travel.

00:28:07.000 So she wanted to go to a yoga retreat in Israel, which is one of these places that you go to just relax.

00:28:14.000 It's kind of like a...

00:28:15.000 Yeah, but it's a place you can live there also if you help out there.

00:28:19.000 It's like, I guess, a temple.

00:28:21.000 Rancho Relaxo.

00:28:22.000 Right.

00:28:23.000 What's it called?

00:28:23.000 Rancho Relaxo.

00:28:24.000 Something like that.

00:28:25.000 That's from The Simpsons.

00:28:26.000 I forget the name of it.

00:28:27.000 Some Jewish name.

00:28:27.000 It's called Rancho Relaxo from that one.

00:28:29.000 Okay.

00:28:29.000 What Jewish?

00:28:30.000 Oh, like with the mud in a lot?

00:28:33.000 Yeah.

00:28:33.000 The Dead Sea?

00:28:34.000 Yeah, what's it called?

00:28:35.000 The Dead Sea?

00:28:35.000 No.

00:28:37.000 It's some company that's there.

00:28:39.000 I don't know.

00:28:39.000 So anyway, she goes to Israel for some crazy yoga retreat.

00:28:42.000 And so because she bought her ticket last second and because she was going by herself, I guess she's not Jewish. 0.78

00:28:50.000 And I guess it's at a time of war, kind of.

00:28:53.000 It's kind of war-y right now.

00:28:55.000 Yeah.

00:28:55.000 War-y.

00:28:55.000 Always.

00:28:56.000 And, like, so they took her luggage for, like, three or four days, and she had to buy all new clothes, and they thought she was, you know, got questioned up and down, you know, and I guess they really thought that she was some kind of, like, you know, terrorist thing.

00:29:11.000 There was a girl who was a Jewish photographer, and she was over in Israel, and she was taking pictures.

00:29:16.000 Any Libras?

00:29:16.000 No, of artwork, like Palestinian graffiti.

00:29:21.000 And since she had a photo of it on her laptop, the guys at Israel, their version of TSA, they shot her laptop.

00:29:31.000 What?

00:29:31.000 They shot it?

00:29:32.000 They fucking shot it, and they gave it back to her. 1.00

00:29:34.000 They blew a hole in her laptop. 1.00

00:29:36.000 Put a bullet through it.

00:29:36.000 Yeah.

00:29:37.000 Can they just take out the hard drive and go, all right, here's your laptop back?

00:29:40.000 No.

00:29:41.000 Where do they shoot it? 0.85

00:29:43.000 They shot it in the back.

00:29:44.000 She heard, ba-bang! 0.98

00:29:45.000 And then the guy comes out and gives her a laptop, and it's got a bullet hole in it.

00:29:49.000 It's crazy.

00:29:50.000 It's just...

00:29:50.000 It's really weird.

00:29:51.000 Well, I think he's trying to let her know, like...

00:29:53.000 You know, I don't think he knew that she was a journalist.

00:29:57.000 I think he probably thought she was someone that was seeing this and she was taking pictures of it like she thought it was funny or cool or whatever.

00:30:06.000 For whatever disrespectful reason, this chick had it on her laptop in his eyes. 1.00

00:30:09.000 And he was like, oh, really?

00:30:10.000 Yeah.

00:30:11.000 You like looking at that? 0.99

00:30:12.000 You like looking at someone talking shit about us? 1.00

00:30:14.000 So he fucking... 1.00

00:30:15.000 So he just randomly looked at it, saw Palestinian graffiti, and shot it? 1.00

00:30:18.000 No, he checked all her stuff.

00:30:19.000 And as he's checking her laptop, he went through all of her photographs.

00:30:22.000 And as he's going through her photographs, he saw this anti-Semitic graffiti that she had photographs of. 0.99

00:30:28.000 So he closes it, pushes it aside, and fucking shoots it. 0.99

00:30:31.000 Wow. 1.00

00:30:32.000 Yeah.

00:30:33.000 Pretty intense.

00:30:34.000 I just know how she travels, though. 0.92

00:30:37.000 I know that she probably had at least 20 to 30 different vibrators or dildos or sex toys in there. 1.00

00:30:42.000 So I wonder if they thought all that shit was some kind of weapon. 1.00

00:30:45.000 So I could just imagine all these Jewish guys with these big vibrators just like, I think it's okay. 1.00

00:30:50.000 It's not the Orthodox Jews that are watching people. 0.99

00:30:53.000 No, they search everybody there.

00:30:55.000 There's such a massive difference between Jews in America and Jews in Israel.

00:30:59.000 There's really, it's like...

00:31:00.000 They have those Hasidic ones there, too, that are the same.

00:31:02.000 Those are the same?

00:31:03.000 Yeah, Hasidics and Hasidics. 1.00

00:31:05.000 She said she went right to the beach, and it was just dirty and scary.

00:31:09.000 And then she went to a couple of the places, and it was just really freaky, because there was people walking around with machine guns.

00:31:16.000 And then she said there was a lot of gay people in one of the cities, because I guess that's just a new thing there. 0.79

00:31:22.000 Gays is a new thing? 1.00

00:31:23.000 Gay people go there, I guess.

00:31:24.000 It was a big city. 0.94

00:31:25.000 Tel Aviv is a gigantic city.

00:31:26.000 Yes, yeah.

00:31:27.000 That's where she landed?

00:31:27.000 Tel Aviv?

00:31:28.000 I think so.

00:31:28.000 The beaches are not dangerous, by the way.

00:31:30.000 People with machine guns are army people that are there all the time.

00:31:33.000 It's cool to get used to.

00:31:35.000 It takes some time to get used to.

00:31:36.000 How long did you live in Israel for?

00:31:38.000 Two years, two and a half years.

00:31:39.000 Two and a half years.

00:31:40.000 That's crazy.

00:31:40.000 What was it like for you?

00:31:41.000 It was great.

00:31:42.000 It was amazing.

00:31:43.000 It's such a beautiful country.

00:31:44.000 And Jerusalem's all built out of stone, pretty much. 0.66

00:31:47.000 I mean, old Jerusalem.

00:31:49.000 And everywhere, it's just like, yeah, things are great.

00:31:51.000 Everybody sort of knows each other a little bit.

00:31:54.000 Not like completely, but they're all...

00:31:56.000 I mean, until recently, you get hitchhiked everywhere.

00:31:58.000 Really?

00:31:59.000 Yeah.

00:31:59.000 In between places, you just tell...

00:32:01.000 Completely different now, though, right?

00:32:02.000 Yeah, the Intifada's changed things.

00:32:05.000 What is the Intifada?

00:32:06.000 The uprising.

00:32:07.000 The Palestinian uprising.

00:32:09.000 That's what they call it?

00:32:10.000 The Intifada?

00:32:11.000 Yeah, that's what they call it.

00:32:13.000 Wow.

00:32:14.000 What is the issue?

00:32:15.000 Giving up land?

00:32:16.000 What's the actual issue?

00:32:18.000 The actual issue is Palestinians started, and their chief tenet was, we want to drive the Israelis into the sea. 0.99

00:32:24.000 And they're never going to give up on that.

00:32:26.000 That was in their books.

00:32:27.000 That's what they wanted.

00:32:28.000 Drive them into the sea?

00:32:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:32:30.000 We will never rest until all the Israelis are driven into the oceans. 1.00

00:32:33.000 That's what they want.

00:32:34.000 So in the meantime, you have to figure out a way to appease enough of them to give them the right amount of land and let the other ones not keep going to war with them.

00:32:41.000 So when you say that it's in their book, is it in one of their religious books?

00:32:45.000 No, the PLO when they started, that was one of their...

00:32:48.000 Palestinian Liberation Organization. 0.99

00:32:49.000 And that was linked to a lot of terrorist shit in the 1970s, right? 0.99

00:32:53.000 Wasn't it? 0.99

00:32:53.000 The Munich, what's it called? 0.99

00:32:55.000 Yeah, the killings at the Olympic Games, right?

00:33:00.000 So what's the other side say?

00:33:01.000 What's their story?

00:33:02.000 If you talk to Sam Tripoli, what would he say?

00:33:05.000 Sam would say that he's Armenian and quit downplaying his struggle for the struggle of the Palestinians. 0.98

00:33:12.000 He goes, no one ever fucking respects the Armenians. 0.99

00:33:15.000 The Turks wiped them out. 0.99

00:33:16.000 It was the Turks. 0.99

00:33:16.000 It's true. 0.99

00:33:16.000 The Armenian genocide, I didn't even hear about it until Manny Gamburian. 0.99

00:33:20.000 I was doing a fight.

00:33:21.000 He told you about it?

00:33:22.000 It was the anniversary of the Armenian genocide.

00:33:26.000 I'm honest.

00:33:27.000 I just didn't know about it.

00:33:29.000 I'm ignorant to it.

00:33:30.000 It was because only one million people died.

00:33:32.000 People were like, nah, get another word. 0.78

00:33:34.000 It's fucking incredible that there's been so many horrible things like that that have happened in the history of the world, rather. 0.90

00:33:41.000 You know, that this Armenian genocide could be something that I wasn't aware of. 0.99

00:33:45.000 Armenians hate Turks. 0.98

00:33:47.000 They hate them. 0.95

00:33:48.000 Well, when I was a kid, there was a kid that I used to train with who was, he was Turkish and they hated the Greeks.

00:33:57.000 Yeah.

00:33:57.000 Like Greeks and Turkish hated each other.

00:33:59.000 Really?

00:34:00.000 Yeah.

00:34:01.000 Wow.

00:34:02.000 No, Pakistan and India hates each other.

00:34:05.000 Kibbutz. 0.99

00:34:05.000 I always thought it was so ridiculous. 0.99

00:34:07.000 It was like, really? 0.98

00:34:09.000 Turks and Greeks? 0.92

00:34:10.000 Really?

00:34:10.000 But in his eyes, man, it was like a serious conversation.

00:34:15.000 He was a smart kid, too.

00:34:16.000 Yeah, people get nationalistic.

00:34:17.000 I saw that Vlade Divac documentary about him and wherever he was from going to war, you know, internal strife.

00:34:24.000 Maybe Czechoslovakia or Hungary.

00:34:26.000 And his teammates were like all abandoned him because he wanted like unity and they wanted to break off.

00:34:31.000 And there was all these like...

00:34:32.000 People there that were like 25, 26, like waving the break-off flags and getting really passionate. 0.98

00:34:38.000 I'm like, well, I've never been into shit like that. 0.84

00:34:41.000 We were all just like video games or whatever else there was. 0.98

00:34:43.000 I can't imagine caring about politics enough.

00:34:47.000 You would if you were there.

00:34:48.000 Yeah.

00:34:48.000 But what if the East Coast was trying to break off and there was this nationalistic feel for the East Coast and we're different than them?

00:34:54.000 Would you get caught up in it when you were little?

00:34:55.000 No.

00:34:56.000 If you lived in that environment, it's likely you would.

00:34:59.000 I guess so.

00:35:00.000 It's like being a Yankee fan.

00:35:01.000 It's so easy to imitate your atmosphere.

00:35:03.000 It's so easy to get sucked up in the wave of your atmosphere.

00:35:06.000 It's just so weird when you think about how much human behavior can vary from spot to spot.

00:35:12.000 We have no strife in SoCal.

00:35:13.000 Yeah, no dealing with the weather.

00:35:16.000 Our only problems are so many of us, and we need a lot of food.

00:35:20.000 Yeah, no war ever sees us.

00:35:22.000 Weed, food, food.

00:35:23.000 Yeah, your perspective here.

00:35:25.000 That's why someone like Paris Hilton can be so offensive to people in other parts of the world.

00:35:30.000 Someone who's just shallowly trying to attract attention to herself for no reason at all.

00:35:35.000 And when it's successful, it angers you.

00:35:37.000 It's like, why is this even projected in front of me in a time where people are just dying all over the place?

00:35:43.000 Is that why people are so angry at Paris Hilton?

00:35:45.000 Sure, that's one of the reasons, because it's just so vapid.

00:35:48.000 Because the idea behind wanting to be famous only for being famous is so vapid.

00:35:52.000 But there's enough other people who are into it.

00:35:55.000 That's why they keep it on, like that and the Kardashians.

00:35:57.000 The issue is, it opened up a whole new category of human being.

00:36:01.000 And that category of human being is the famous professional celebrity.

00:36:05.000 For no reason, celebrity.

00:36:08.000 The person who sneaks through the net and creates a whole new genre.

00:36:12.000 Essentially, Kim Kardashian is a reality celebrity. 0.99

00:36:15.000 But she's a hugely successful media personality, and she did it from being just a person who fucked a guy in a video. 1.00

00:36:23.000 I mean, the whole thing is really like... 0.98

00:36:25.000 And her dad was a lawyer.

00:36:27.000 Yeah.

00:36:27.000 Not only that, a famous lawyer.

00:36:29.000 Incredible lawyer.

00:36:29.000 A famous lawyer who got O.J. Simpson off.

00:36:31.000 But the whole thing behind it is that...

00:36:35.000 It's this weird desire to get attention for no reason other than that you want attention.

00:36:42.000 Not offering anything.

00:36:44.000 You just want people to look at you.

00:36:45.000 You're not trying to sing.

00:36:46.000 You just want people to follow you around.

00:36:48.000 A lot of people want that, but only some people get it.

00:36:50.000 I know, but it's so specific.

00:36:52.000 It must be so hard to arrange.

00:36:54.000 You're not trying to do anything.

00:36:57.000 I want to be famous.

00:36:58.000 What do you do?

00:36:58.000 I don't do anything.

00:37:00.000 But then people keep watching, so then you feel entitled.

00:37:01.000 You're like, well, I do great stuff.

00:37:02.000 Like, what?

00:37:03.000 What are these great things you do? 1.00

00:37:04.000 Well, she fucked on video. 1.00

00:37:06.000 I mean, really, that was the catalyst. 0.99

00:37:07.000 That's what started it all off.

00:37:08.000 So did Paris Hilton.

00:37:09.000 They both did the same thing. 0.99

00:37:10.000 They both fucked on video, and that got them in the spotlight. 0.99

00:37:13.000 They got them more in the spotlight. 0.99

00:37:15.000 But it's amazing, man.

00:37:16.000 It is really an amazing trick.

00:37:18.000 It's fascinating.

00:37:19.000 It launched Paris Hilton from just a model to all those reality shows. 0.99

00:37:23.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:37:25.000 But Kim Kardashian as far eclipsed Paris Hilton, which is even more fantastic.

00:37:29.000 Because Paris Hilton now does interviews and they ask her, are you worried that your popularity might be waning?

00:37:35.000 And she got up and left and got pissed. 1.00

00:37:37.000 Really?

00:37:37.000 Yeah, told her publicist.

00:37:38.000 Because she's done nothing to deserve it, so why would it go away?

00:37:41.000 Because I've still done nothing.

00:37:42.000 So how could it go away?

00:37:44.000 She's not thinking nearly as clearly as you.

00:37:46.000 She's thinking, why would it?

00:37:48.000 I'm still awesome.

00:37:50.000 She's better than Kardashian for me.

00:37:52.000 She's probably a fine person. 0.58

00:37:54.000 No, she is probably not a fine person.

00:37:57.000 Why not?

00:37:58.000 She's self-entitled.

00:37:59.000 There's no way she's probably a fine person. 1.00

00:38:01.000 I bet if she was sucking your cock, I think you'd have different... 1.00

00:38:03.000 I bet she'd be great at sucking dick. 1.00

00:38:05.000 I bet if you were hanging out with her, and maybe she's a little crazy, and she grew up weird, but... 1.00

00:38:11.000 Maybe she's a kind person. 1.00

00:38:12.000 I would give her a chance because I'd want that blowjob. 1.00

00:38:14.000 I think that'd be a real possibility. 0.99

00:38:15.000 I wouldn't be mean right away, but there's no way she's helping your life.

00:38:19.000 I wish she was enriching your life in any way.

00:38:22.000 That's maybe a 5% chance.

00:38:24.000 Maybe get her high on mushrooms and straighten her out, dude. 1.00

00:38:26.000 Maybe it's you.

00:38:27.000 Maybe it's Ari who can straighten the whole thing out. 1.00

00:38:29.000 Who better than the founder of Shroomfest?

00:38:31.000 That's right.

00:38:32.000 Can we do our own talk at Shroomfest?

00:38:33.000 Sure.

00:38:33.000 We've got a date now.

00:38:34.000 July 21st, 22nd, and 23rd.

00:38:37.000 Yeah, and by the way, ladies and gentlemen, you don't have to go anywhere for Stroomfest.

00:38:40.000 Yeah, Stroomfest comes to you.

00:38:41.000 The beautiful thing is Stroomfest is a trip.

00:38:44.000 And, oh, don't do it if it's illegal where you live.

00:38:46.000 We're talking shiitake, guys.

00:38:47.000 Oh, yeah, whatever.

00:38:48.000 Yeah, don't do it if it's illegal where you live. 0.80

00:38:50.000 We don't want you doing anything silly and going to jail.

00:38:52.000 You know what I heard?

00:38:52.000 In Amsterdam, they made them illegal because some kids jumped out of a building or something.

00:38:58.000 Yeah, that's like that Bill Hicks joke.

00:38:59.000 What?

00:39:00.000 Young man on acid.

00:39:01.000 Thought he could fly.

00:39:02.000 Jumped off the roof.

00:39:03.000 What a tragedy.

00:39:04.000 He goes, what a tragedy. 1.00

00:39:05.000 What a dick. 1.00

00:39:06.000 If he thought he could fly, why don't he start off on the ground first? 1.00

00:39:09.000 That's right.

00:39:09.000 Why don't they all get a top story?

00:39:11.000 He goes, oh, we lost a moron. 1.00

00:39:13.000 The world got a little lighter. 1.00

00:39:15.000 That's a Hicks joke?

00:39:16.000 Yeah.

00:39:17.000 Oh, that's funny.

00:39:18.000 J-R-U like a Hicks joke. 1.00

00:39:19.000 See?

00:39:20.000 It's one of his best.

00:39:21.000 Yeah.

00:39:21.000 No, I would have to hear him say it.

00:39:23.000 He also had this, you never hear a positive drugstore in the news.

00:39:27.000 I don't want to butcher this because I don't want to paraphrase it.

00:39:30.000 But this young man on acid, you know, and it was a beautiful, positive message that he learned from acid.

00:39:36.000 He had a bunch of great, great drug jokes.

00:39:38.000 Yeah.

00:39:40.000 It's just weird that he quit drugs so young and then died so young. 0.99

00:39:43.000 The human body is so fucking, for some folks, so fragile. 0.97

00:39:48.000 I've been reading about these people that get these weird fibers growing out of their skin. 0.99

00:39:56.000 Have you heard of this?

00:39:57.000 Yeah.

00:39:57.000 What is it?

00:39:58.000 What is that shit called again? 1.00

00:39:59.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:39:59.000 It's disgusting. 1.00

00:40:00.000 I was introduced to it on, there was like one of those conspiracy theory shows, like those Jesse Ventura conspiracy theory shows.

00:40:07.000 Yeah.

00:40:08.000 And they were talking about...

00:40:10.000 Chemtrails.

00:40:10.000 It was Chemtrails.

00:40:11.000 Yeah, something to do with Chemtrails.

00:40:12.000 More jellings.

00:40:13.000 Hold on a second.

00:40:14.000 Let me pull this up. 1.00

00:40:15.000 And this one certain town in like California, like a lot of them have this shit. 0.99

00:40:18.000 And then what, people start growing fibers out of their skin? 1.00

00:40:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:40:20.000 It sounds like such X-Files shit. 1.00

00:40:21.000 It totally sounds like complete horse shit. 1.00

00:40:24.000 But the pictures are really bizarre, man. 1.00

00:40:29.000 There's like actual fiber that's coming out of their skin.

00:40:33.000 Like, look, Ari, come here, check this out.

00:40:37.000 For the audio listeners to describe it.

00:40:39.000 This is something of fiber that they pulled out of someone's skin that had this more gelance.

00:40:45.000 I mean, yeah, it looks like a sweater's growing inside of you.

00:40:49.000 It looks like a mosquito down in that picture.

00:40:50.000 Yeah, well that picture is pretty extreme.

00:40:53.000 That thing that goes around? 0.99

00:40:55.000 Yeah, I mean, what a fucking weird disease, man. 0.99

00:40:59.000 And no one knows what the hell that is. 0.99

00:41:02.000 I mean, these people, some of them have gloves on, and they have these fucking hairs that are growing all over their body. 0.98

00:41:09.000 It's a relatively new problem that seems to be growing in leaps and bounds throughout the U.S., even in other countries. 0.96

00:41:14.000 Although condition Morgellons possibly dates back to the 1600s, it's only been since 2002 that it's become a modern-day concern.

00:41:21.000 It probably has something to do with the Internet.

00:41:24.000 Wow.

00:41:25.000 Wow.

00:41:25.000 Like Wi-Fi signals.

00:41:26.000 Dude, we're growing wires.

00:41:28.000 Could you imagine if that was really what it is?

00:41:30.000 We're growing antennas.

00:41:31.000 Jesus Christ.

00:41:32.000 You know how crazy that would be?

00:41:34.000 That's the next stage of development?

00:41:35.000 Autism and antennas.

00:41:36.000 And different people are moving different things.

00:41:38.000 We can't keep thinking that we're going to stay the way we are.

00:41:41.000 I know, but is this supposed to happen so slowly that you would never in one lifetime notice any change?

00:41:46.000 How do we know that?

00:41:48.000 You know, there's been a lot of discrepancies about how long it takes.

00:41:51.000 There's a lot of arguments and disagreements about how long it takes for an entity to evolve.

00:41:56.000 But one of the things they know is the Congo.

00:41:59.000 The Congo is kind of a crazy place where it used to be grasslands.

00:42:03.000 And then a rainforest essentially grew there really rapidly and over a period of 2,000 years became a dense, massive rainforest where it used to be grasslands.

00:42:14.000 So all these grasslands animals got trapped in the jungle and had to evolve.

00:42:19.000 They had to change.

00:42:20.000 And one of them, there's an antelope thing called a diker.

00:42:24.000 And how much time was this? 0.99

00:42:25.000 It fucking swims. 0.99

00:42:26.000 How much time is this? 1.00

00:42:27.000 Less than 2,000 years.

00:42:28.000 It swims underwater and eats fish.

00:42:32.000 Really?

00:42:32.000 Yeah.

00:42:33.000 What was it?

00:42:33.000 It's in the Ancelot family.

00:42:35.000 Like a reindeer?

00:42:35.000 I think it's called a diker.

00:42:37.000 Wow.

00:42:37.000 Yeah.

00:42:38.000 It actually swims underwater and fucking eats fish. 0.99

00:42:40.000 It can swim underwater for 100 yards. 1.00

00:42:42.000 Whoa.

00:42:44.000 Where'd that come from?

00:42:45.000 I'll tell you why.

00:42:45.000 They had to figure out how to survive.

00:42:48.000 Let's say you grow a third eye, let's just say.

00:42:50.000 Somebody had to be the first pure person, as it slowly develops, to see through that eye.

00:42:55.000 Somebody's going to be the first guy to have that.

00:42:57.000 If something like that would mutate and happen and become a successful transition, yeah, someone would have to be the first.

00:43:02.000 Or at least have the first stubs of it.

00:43:06.000 Some people are born with a little stub of a tail.

00:43:08.000 Pigtail.

00:43:09.000 What is that?

00:43:10.000 It's a pigtail.

00:43:10.000 But how come chimps don't have tails?

00:43:12.000 And we're supposed to be related to chimps.

00:43:14.000 Do chimps ever get...

00:43:15.000 Are they ever born with little tails?

00:43:16.000 Most of us don't have it, though.

00:43:18.000 No, very few of us have it.

00:43:19.000 I wonder if it's just a normal deformity, just a normal slip of...

00:43:23.000 If it's your brother's foot.

00:43:24.000 Can anybody move it?

00:43:26.000 Can anybody control it?

00:43:27.000 Like wag your tail?

00:43:27.000 Yeah.

00:43:27.000 That would be fucked.

00:43:28.000 Imagine if you were a person, you could wag your tail. 1.00

00:43:30.000 Actually, it was a cat tail.

00:43:31.000 Would you even want to take it off?

00:43:33.000 It's a cat tail, Jim.

00:43:34.000 Yeah, you'd probably find some weird pride out of it, but it's like it's not...

00:43:37.000 What if you had awesome bouts because of it?

00:43:39.000 Oh. 0.99

00:43:40.000 You know, what if you could do that Flying Wallenda shit, like, no problem, because you've got a cat. 1.00

00:43:45.000 Just because of that? 1.00

00:43:45.000 You know, cats have the most ridiculous balance, man. 1.00

00:43:48.000 I've tried to push cats off of, like, banisters. 1.00

00:43:51.000 I'm like, get off that banister, bitch. 1.00

00:43:52.000 And the cat's like, oh, not that easy. 1.00

00:43:53.000 All the way off, like a weeble wobble, then right back up.

00:43:55.000 Yeah, it slides sideways on a banister.

00:43:58.000 Did you see that video of the chimp versus the cat UFC match?

00:44:03.000 No.

00:44:03.000 Oh, it's badass.

00:44:05.000 Google it sometime.

00:44:06.000 It's great.

00:44:07.000 It's a little monkey and a cat fighting.

00:44:09.000 Are they really fighting or are they playing?

00:44:10.000 They're playing, but the cats have really good jiu-jitsu.

00:44:14.000 Oh, they grab around.

00:44:16.000 Cats are, you know, we're just comfortable with them because they're really tiny.

00:44:20.000 They're all feral in Israel.

00:44:23.000 All cats?

00:44:24.000 Yeah, they brought them in. 0.99

00:44:25.000 Yeah, nobody has them as pets because they're so fucking disgusting. 0.99

00:44:27.000 They brought them in to hunt the rats. 0.99

00:44:30.000 And they just took them over?

00:44:31.000 Yeah, then they had no natural enemies. 1.00

00:44:33.000 You guys should kill them off because I bet you got toxoplasma like a motherfucker. 1.00

00:44:36.000 They're all out. 1.00

00:44:37.000 They're just out.

00:44:38.000 They're dead by the side of the road.

00:44:39.000 They're just everywhere.

00:44:40.000 They're like a problem.

00:44:43.000 Yeah, I don't like feral cats.

00:44:45.000 They're tough, too.

00:44:45.000 They're tough.

00:44:45.000 Mean, man.

00:44:46.000 Yeah.

00:44:47.000 Feral cats are little monsters.

00:44:48.000 Get away. 1.00

00:44:49.000 Yeah, they'll fuck you up, dude. 1.00

00:44:50.000 And they'll jump at you, too. 1.00

00:44:53.000 If you corner a feral cat, man, be fucking... 0.99

00:44:55.000 I don't think I've ever seen one. 1.00

00:44:57.000 Or maybe I just thought it was just a normal cat that was just crazy.

00:45:00.000 Well, feral cats are just wild cats.

00:45:02.000 It's an amazing difference, the way they behave.

00:45:04.000 Like farm cats?

00:45:05.000 Are you talking about farm cats?

00:45:06.000 Sure, farm cats can be feral, too. 0.99

00:45:08.000 Farm cats are just retarded. 0.99

00:45:09.000 They get straight up on walls, feel so high. 0.93

00:45:13.000 Like, how are you going to get up there?

00:45:14.000 Yeah.

00:45:15.000 Feral cats are...

00:45:16.000 I had a feral kitten, and they only will connect themselves to one or two people.

00:45:21.000 Really?

00:45:22.000 Yeah.

00:45:22.000 They really hate people.

00:45:23.000 I was the only person that this cat could, like, trust enough to pick up.

00:45:27.000 Like the horse is enough to pick up?

00:45:28.000 I could never...

00:45:28.000 If something was wrong with him, I could never bring him to a vet.

00:45:31.000 You couldn't...

00:45:31.000 No one could take care of him but me.

00:45:33.000 No one could even hold him but me.

00:45:35.000 And I got him because a friend of mine, she was living in this apartment building, and her and her boyfriend found them underneath the house.

00:45:42.000 They found, like, a...

00:45:43.000 A whole litter of kittens.

00:45:45.000 And apparently the mother had died or something like that.

00:45:47.000 It was a wild cat and she gave birth.

00:45:49.000 So they captured all the kittens.

00:45:51.000 And then they started trying to find homes for them.

00:45:54.000 And I said, oh, that's such a crazy story.

00:45:55.000 I've got to take home.

00:45:56.000 So I took it and I had to stay in a room with it for two days.

00:46:01.000 Because it was so crazy and so nuts.

00:46:04.000 To get it comfortable with me, I had to be next to it for two days.

00:46:07.000 So I just put a room in my house, my guest room.

00:46:11.000 I put a litter box in there, put his cat food in there, and put a couple notebooks and some books.

00:46:17.000 Notebooks? 0.99

00:46:18.000 Yeah, so I can write shit down. 1.00

00:46:19.000 And then I'll do some reading and just hang out with this fucking cat for a couple days. 0.99

00:46:24.000 To get it comfortable with you. 0.99

00:46:25.000 Yeah, so that's what I did for two days.

00:46:26.000 Every time I'd go near... 0.99

00:46:29.000 He would fucking climb up the curtains, climb up the curtains and go fucking crazy. 0.99

00:46:35.000 And I'd go, calm down little buddy, calm down, calm down. 0.99

00:46:38.000 And then I'd touch him and then he would start purring and purring, like really loud.

00:46:42.000 He went from abject fear and terror to purring so loudly or so happy that I'm actually taking care of him.

00:46:49.000 He didn't know what's going on.

00:46:50.000 He doesn't know why this big giant pink thing.

00:46:52.000 He turned it out pretty much.

00:46:54.000 Well, I had to turn him into my buddy.

00:46:56.000 Yeah.

00:46:56.000 But I was the only one that could touch him.

00:46:58.000 Everyone else would be so skittish around.

00:47:00.000 And even me, if I'd come up to him, I had to take him to the vet once, and this was a really bad time, man. 0.98

00:47:06.000 It was fucking bad. 0.98

00:47:07.000 This cat jacked my arm. 0.99

00:47:08.000 I had to throw a towel over him and tackle him. 0.96

00:47:12.000 Really?

00:47:12.000 Yeah.

00:47:13.000 He was fighting, man.

00:47:14.000 He was fighting.

00:47:15.000 And then I brought him to the vet, and I told him, I go, listen, man, this cat is feral.

00:47:20.000 Like, don't worry, we've had 25 years here.

00:47:23.000 I gave them that cat.

00:47:24.000 And they said, well, you weren't kidding when you said he was feral.

00:47:28.000 I go, yeah, it's a feral cat, man.

00:47:29.000 Yeah, it wasn't kidding.

00:47:30.000 He goes, that cat is the craziest cat we've ever had in here.

00:47:32.000 I go, yeah, that's a wild cat. 0.84

00:47:34.000 Big, black, crazy cat.

00:47:36.000 Did anybody tell me what my dad did in the army with the kittens?

00:47:39.000 What?

00:47:40.000 They had to make him raise.

00:47:42.000 I wonder if Will Ferrell...

00:47:43.000 Hold on, you gotta listen to the story.

00:47:46.000 They made him raise.

00:47:46.000 My dad was in special...

00:47:47.000 What was it called?

00:47:51.000 Special Forces?

00:47:51.000 Yeah, back then.

00:47:54.000 And what they do is they make you learn how to take care of things, just so you can know how to care for your other GIs or whatever. 0.99

00:48:02.000 So they give you a kitten, just like they give you that egg to care for in middle school.

00:48:07.000 They give you a kitten, you've got to raise it for two weeks or a month.

00:48:11.000 I forget.

00:48:12.000 And you've got to make sure nothing goes wrong with it.

00:48:13.000 If something goes wrong with it, if it gets sick, you're in trouble.

00:48:16.000 In addition to running all your laps and doing everything and doing all your regular chores.

00:48:20.000 And at the end of two weeks, you have to present this healthy kitten.

00:48:23.000 And then once you present a healthy kitten, they go, okay, now snap its neck.

00:48:26.000 And they make you snap its neck right there so they can shut you off and turn you into a machine.

00:48:32.000 Wow. 1.00

00:48:33.000 After you've cared for it for two weeks, kill it with your bare hands. 1.00

00:48:37.000 Not even, like, give it up for adoption. 1.00

00:48:39.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:48:41.000 What was the story in the Bible where God was telling someone to kill his son? 1.00

00:48:47.000 Abraham.

00:48:47.000 What was the story behind that?

00:48:49.000 It was a test. 0.66

00:48:50.000 To kill Isaac. 1.00

00:48:52.000 To kill Isaac. 0.99

00:48:53.000 And it was... 0.82

00:48:54.000 Was it not his firstborn?

00:48:56.000 Was Isaac his firstborn?

00:49:00.000 And then...

00:49:01.000 This is when the split-off happened between the Arabs and the Jews.

00:49:04.000 It was right then.

00:49:05.000 Really?

00:49:05.000 Yeah.

00:49:05.000 Why?

00:49:06.000 Because Isaac's brother was technically the firstborn, so he should have gotten the birthright, and the Jews say that he didn't.

00:49:15.000 It went to Isaac and then Jacob.

00:49:18.000 Okay, so God said to Abraham, I want you to kill Isaac.

00:49:21.000 Yeah, so he takes him to this mountain.

00:49:23.000 His son.

00:49:23.000 Yeah, take your son.

00:49:24.000 He takes him to this mountain, puts him up on an altar.

00:49:28.000 Yeah, and then he goes to raise a knife over his head.

00:49:34.000 And God sent a sign.

00:49:37.000 He sent a ram, which is a normal thing you sacrifice. 0.77

00:49:40.000 He sent a ram right then.

00:49:43.000 And that was a sign.

00:49:44.000 Even though rams were indigenous to that area at the time, it was definitely a sign from God. 0.99

00:49:48.000 Some retard God who couldn't fucking get his full words out. 1.00

00:49:52.000 So he just had to ram. 1.00

00:49:53.000 And that obviously means don't kill your son. 1.00

00:49:55.000 Kill this ram instead and then blow the horn once or twice a year. 1.00

00:49:58.000 Because that's so obvious. 1.00

00:49:59.000 That's what it means.

00:50:00.000 Because he couldn't have just said, hey, don't kill your son.

00:50:03.000 And that's a good enough sign.

00:50:05.000 He had to send a ram to walk by. 1.00

00:50:07.000 You're so crazy. 1.00

00:50:09.000 Such stupid idiot shit once you realize, once you get older. 1.00

00:50:12.000 Imagine if you were a little kid and you got sent to Israel to study this 10-12 hours a day like I already did. 1.00

00:50:17.000 I mean, you'd probably be pretty passionate about it.

00:50:19.000 How are we supposed to take that for granted?

00:50:20.000 He sent a sign.

00:50:21.000 It was a ram walked by.

00:50:22.000 Oh, yeah.

00:50:23.000 That's a sign, obviously. 0.95

00:50:24.000 How crazy was he that he was about to kill his kid? 1.00

00:50:26.000 Kill his son. 1.00

00:50:27.000 Because God wanted him to. 0.99

00:50:29.000 And then the issue became like, while we were still religious, the issue became like, well, why would God command that?

00:50:32.000 Why would that be a test for him?

00:50:34.000 Why would you do it?

00:50:35.000 You knew if he was able to.

00:50:38.000 If there was a test, you're God.

00:50:39.000 You knew he was going to be able to.

00:50:41.000 Why wouldn't you just say, okay, good, you're up for it?

00:50:43.000 You would know more than anybody about how much of what you read when you were reading the Talmud, how much of what you read had been translated several times?

00:50:56.000 How many times had it been translated before it got to when you're reading in modern-day Hebrew?

00:51:01.000 How many times has it been transferred to get to that?

00:51:04.000 No.

00:51:04.000 Well, the Torah is written exactly the same as it always was.

00:51:08.000 Always?

00:51:08.000 Yeah.

00:51:08.000 So you read it in ancient Hebrew?

00:51:10.000 Yeah, even with the same shapes of the letters.

00:51:12.000 Is it the Old Testament that's different?

00:51:15.000 Yeah, and then the Talmud, that was handed down like orally for a while.

00:51:19.000 And they were afraid it was going to get lost because of some dispersion, so they wrote it down.

00:51:23.000 The oldest versions of the Bible are the ancient Hebrew versions, except for the Dead Sea Scrolls, which is not technically considered the Bible, even though some of the stories are similar.

00:51:30.000 Yeah, I'm not 100% on those.

00:51:32.000 So they said that the oldest versions were in ancient Hebrew, that the real problem was when they translated it to Greek and Latin, they said that they only knew like three quarters of the words in ancient Hebrew.

00:51:45.000 Yeah, the specific meanings to words, they don't know all those because some of those words didn't make it to modern Hebrew and they don't really have a good lineage to say like where was this exact word.

00:51:55.000 Like if I said, let's just say gently or lovingly, They could mean the same thing in certain times.

00:52:01.000 I gently said whatever.

00:52:03.000 I lovingly said.

00:52:04.000 It's similar.

00:52:04.000 But there's differences.

00:52:05.000 And that's why we have two different words.

00:52:07.000 When was this transition between ancient Hebrew and modern Hebrew?

00:52:10.000 Probably during the dispersion.

00:52:12.000 We got cast out to all different.

00:52:13.000 That's when we got white Jews and black Jews after that.

00:52:17.000 What year was that?

00:52:20.000 I don't know.

00:52:21.000 And so Israel or the Jews, the modern Jews, they kept the certain modern version of Hebrew.

00:52:28.000 Yeah, it was like 4,000 years ago, probably something like that.

00:52:30.000 But you guys also have numbers, which...

00:52:32.000 No, they brought it back.

00:52:33.000 They brought it back?

00:52:34.000 They brought it back ancient Hebrew?

00:52:35.000 Well, sort of a modern Hebrew, I guess, but they just sort of made it. 1.00

00:52:38.000 When they decided, like, what should our language be?

00:52:40.000 And they're like, let's bring Hebrew. 1.00

00:52:41.000 It was a dead language.

00:52:42.000 Oh, it was a dead language.

00:52:43.000 Yeah, and Ben-Gurion and all those people said...

00:52:46.000 When was this?

00:52:48.000 1948, 47. Holy shit! 1.00

00:52:50.000 Hebrew was a dead language in 1948? 0.99

00:52:52.000 Yeah, nobody was speaking it.

00:52:53.000 Wow, that's crazy.

00:52:54.000 Nobody was speaking it.

00:52:55.000 And there's some people that treat it as holy.

00:52:58.000 It's a little much.

00:52:59.000 But they treat it as holy and they won't speak it.

00:53:00.000 They'll only speak Yiddish during the week.

00:53:02.000 And then Shabbat, boom.

00:53:04.000 That's when you hit them with the Hebrew. 0.99

00:53:05.000 And what is Yiddish?

00:53:06.000 What's the difference between Yiddish and Hebrew?

00:53:07.000 Yiddish is a sort of weird bastardized mixture. 1.00

00:53:09.000 It's like Southern talk, Creole.

00:53:11.000 It's like not quite English.

00:53:12.000 This is a mixture of Hebrew and like Germanic mixed with whatever country you're from.

00:53:16.000 When you hear like Yiddish chicks talk, does it get you hard? 1.00

00:53:19.000 There's no such thing as Yiddish chicks. 1.00

00:53:20.000 No, because anyone talks that's old.

00:53:22.000 Oh really?

00:53:23.000 That's only old talk?

00:53:24.000 Old and Jewish, yeah. 0.93

00:53:25.000 Nobody talks like that anymore.

00:53:27.000 How much is different in that and modern Hebrew?

00:53:31.000 Yiddish? 0.89

00:53:31.000 It's mostly German. 0.89

00:53:33.000 So do most kids understand it?

00:53:38.000 Like Israeli kids? 1.00

00:53:39.000 I think more German kids get it better.

00:53:41.000 Really?

00:53:42.000 Yeah.

00:53:42.000 Wow.

00:53:44.000 Yeah.

00:53:45.000 God, it's so incredible when you stop and think about how many different languages there are.

00:53:49.000 Oh yeah, and they all developed somewhat similarly. 0.98

00:53:51.000 And how long was it before they actually started writing shit down? 0.94

00:53:54.000 How long did they have language before they actually wrote things down? 0.98

00:53:58.000 Yeah.

00:53:58.000 Because I've read- Maybe a while before they put signs to it.

00:54:01.000 Probably tens of thousands of years.

00:54:02.000 Then it didn't happen the other way.

00:54:03.000 Yeah, I don't know how long the first written language was, but I don't believe it was more than 10,000 years ago.

00:54:10.000 Yeah.

00:54:11.000 Which is really like nothing.

00:54:13.000 It's kind of crazy.

00:54:14.000 It kind of hurts your head when you stop and think about it.

00:54:17.000 That's as long as we've been able to communicate without being there?

00:54:20.000 Trying to put your head around that.

00:54:23.000 This is what I would always use as an example if I was in a crowd.

00:54:27.000 Say if I was doing a comedy show and there was 100 people in the audience.

00:54:30.000 I would say...

00:54:32.000 What you guys represent, if you lived your lives birth to death, it's just a little room, a little tiny group of people, of a hundred people, but what you represent in terms of potential life...

00:54:41.000 One person lived his whole life, the next person was born.

00:54:43.000 Exactly.

00:54:43.000 If they lived their lives birth to death to the max, which is like a hundred years, which is the most anybody ever lives, they represent 10,000 years.

00:54:51.000 Yeah, and that's as long as...

00:54:53.000 That's incredible.

00:54:54.000 That's as long as we know about human beings.

00:54:56.000 Wow.

00:54:57.000 But like 4,000 years ago when we got the Bible around then.

00:54:59.000 That's right, right?

00:55:00.000 Yeah.

00:55:00.000 100 people.

00:55:01.000 That's when not everyone was like Bedouins.

00:55:02.000 And we lived 100 years.

00:55:03.000 Isn't that 10,000?

00:55:05.000 100 people living 100 years?

00:55:06.000 Yeah.

00:55:07.000 100 people living 10 is 1,000.

00:55:09.000 Yeah, 10,000.

00:55:09.000 Yeah.

00:55:11.000 That's incredible, man.

00:55:12.000 Stop and think about that.

00:55:13.000 10,000 years ago.

00:55:14.000 And it's just a little tiny room full of people living their lives birth to death represents the distance between us of today and nothing written.

00:55:24.000 I have three math jokes.

00:55:26.000 Yours is way better than all three of those.

00:55:28.000 Three what jokes?

00:55:29.000 Math jokes.

00:55:30.000 I call them math jokes where there's numbers involved so they actually have to think before they laugh. 0.99

00:55:34.000 That's not really a math joke, but it's a what the fuck thinking thing. 0.98

00:55:38.000 If you want to check his math, it takes you a second. 0.98

00:55:41.000 I've been really getting into Game of Thrones.

00:55:44.000 Really?

00:55:45.000 It's good?

00:55:45.000 It's amazing.

00:55:46.000 It's the best show I've ever watched. 1.00

00:55:48.000 I watched the whole, but it's like, I love that kind of shit. 1.00

00:55:51.000 I love that Conan the Barbarian type swords and sorcery type shit. 1.00

00:55:56.000 I love that stuff. 0.99

00:55:57.000 I love it. 0.90

00:55:58.000 So I'm enjoying the fuck out of it.

00:56:00.000 But it's making me think, I mean, although obviously this is a work of, you know, fantasy fiction, it makes me think of what it must have been like, you know, if you had to live like these people lived. 0.75

00:56:10.000 You know, with swords on horses.

00:56:11.000 I mean, there was a time where people actually lived like that.

00:56:15.000 That is how they hunted.

00:56:16.000 They used bows and arrows.

00:56:17.000 They did live in these houses.

00:56:18.000 They did have castles, and they did have armies, and they did have moats.

00:56:22.000 I mean, these are all realistic, you know, realistic It's hard to wrap your head around how short of a distance it is between that time when people lived like in the Robin Hood days and today.

00:56:44.000 It's like nothing.

00:56:45.000 You know what would be cool though?

00:56:46.000 It would still be cool having like, hey, I got these new silver horseshoes.

00:56:50.000 Have you seen these things?

00:56:51.000 Silver horseshoes?

00:56:53.000 It's a different color.

00:56:53.000 Even though you lived back in those days, people were still making new things up, but the things were different.

00:56:59.000 They'd make up a new thing every 140 years.

00:57:02.000 Then one new thing would come.

00:57:04.000 Yeah, I'm sure there was little things here and there though, just like everything.

00:57:07.000 Yeah, I'm sure there was a few interventions.

00:57:09.000 That was so lame!

00:57:10.000 Like, when they got Chinese finger traps, they were blown away by that! 0.97

00:57:13.000 It was a party favor.

00:57:14.000 I bet the blacksmith back then was like the apple.

00:57:17.000 Like, he would come in the community, look at this thing I made.

00:57:19.000 You know, this is a new nail for your face.

00:57:21.000 Well, they were artisans.

00:57:21.000 That's something that's really getting lost.

00:57:23.000 You know, we talked about that when Aubrey was on here last, we talked about that Musashi documentary.

00:57:30.000 What about things getting lost?

00:57:31.000 No, it was, they showed how they used to make samurai swords, and there's a few people alive that still make them that way today.

00:57:37.000 Yeah.

00:57:37.000 It's crazy.

00:57:39.000 I mean, you have to be the ultimate craftsman. 0.99

00:57:42.000 I mean, if you and I were left alone to figure it out on our own for a million years, we'd never figure out how to make a fucking samurai sword. 0.97

00:57:50.000 The way they do it is so incredible. 0.98

00:57:52.000 They hammer it down, then they fold it over, and then they hammer it down.

00:57:55.000 They keep flattening it and hammering it and flattening it and hammering it until it becomes this intense steel that you can just fucking slice through bamboo.

00:58:05.000 It's really amazing watching the artisan work, the craftsmanship, and the knowledge passed down through generations and generations of how to make a sword.

00:58:16.000 You know, when you stop and think about it, it's like, how many people are out there in the world today that know how to make anything even remotely like that?

00:58:24.000 Everything we're buying that's manufactured is manufactured in some sort of a factory. 0.93

00:58:28.000 And if you're going to buy a sword, this is a big machine that's going to cut it and make it with a computer and a laser and shit. 0.91

00:58:34.000 There's not going to be some Japanese dude in flip-flops with wooden bottom shoes. 1.00

00:58:39.000 Melting rocks.

00:58:41.000 It's wild to watch, man.

00:58:43.000 It's wild to watch what people...

00:58:45.000 Used to have to do to make something.

00:58:48.000 It really makes you appreciate how ridiculously easy it is to live to it.

00:58:54.000 People are like, I like it better the other way.

00:58:55.000 I'm like, why?

00:58:57.000 How do you make metal?

00:58:59.000 You just melt rocks, right?

00:59:01.000 Or something like that?

00:59:01.000 Yeah, you have to have...

00:59:02.000 It's in the rocks.

00:59:03.000 To make steel, you have to add things to it, too.

00:59:06.000 It's not just iron.

00:59:08.000 No, to make steel, I think you have to...

00:59:09.000 We should actually look that up.

00:59:11.000 Back in the Disney, what did they do?

00:59:14.000 They just took some rocks and...

00:59:15.000 Well, they had to heat things up.

00:59:17.000 They had to heat them up.

00:59:18.000 They had to mine the metal.

00:59:20.000 They had to heat it up.

00:59:22.000 There's big ore.

00:59:22.000 Is there pockets of metal in the ground?

00:59:24.000 They have to add stuff to the steel.

00:59:27.000 They have to add stuff to iron. 0.99

00:59:29.000 It's an alloy, technically, it says, according to Wikipedia.

00:59:32.000 Made by combining iron and another element, usually carbon.

00:59:37.000 And when carbon is used, its content in the steel is between 0.2% and 2.1% by weight, dependent upon the grade.

00:59:44.000 Who figured that out?

00:59:45.000 I don't know.

00:59:46.000 I don't know.

00:59:47.000 That was given to us. 1.00

00:59:48.000 So I guess they had to add shit. 0.99

00:59:50.000 Someone else was like, why don't you add carbon? 1.00

00:59:53.000 The first guy was like, what are you talking about?

00:59:54.000 I mean, that's been around for a long-ass time, too.

00:59:57.000 So who was the first person that somebody told somebody?

01:00:00.000 That doesn't seem like that makes sense.

01:00:01.000 That's alien technology. 1.00

01:00:01.000 You know what the craziest shit in the world is? 1.00

01:00:03.000 What? 1.00

01:00:04.000 Steel cable. 0.99

01:00:05.000 Who would have ever found some metal in the ground and thought for a second that someone is going to take this shit and have so much of it that they're going to have a fucking 5,000 foot long cable made of steel and they're going to use that to suspend giant beams that weigh several hundred tons over an ocean. 0.99

01:00:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:00:30.000 Are you looking like steel cable?

01:00:32.000 Steel cable is crazy. 1.00

01:00:34.000 Someone figured out how to take metal, pull it out of the ground, and stretch that shit. 1.00

01:00:40.000 It's hard! 1.00

01:00:41.000 It's hard! 1.00

01:00:42.000 How the fuck are you... 0.99

01:00:43.000 How is it moving around? 0.99

01:00:45.000 How are you making cables out of this?

01:00:46.000 What did you do?

01:00:48.000 They figured out how to not just make it, but make it so it's big enough to pull boats.

01:00:53.000 You can have giant, huge ones that are wider around than your body is.

01:00:58.000 And that's a cable.

01:00:59.000 We just said, take it for granted.

01:01:00.000 Well, I'm going to just get a cable and put a winch on the front of my Jeep in case I get stuck out there while I'm four-wheeling. 0.82

01:01:07.000 You know, people, they have winches and shit so they can pull cars out.

01:01:09.000 They like to be the cool guy who can pull you out of a ditch. 0.97

01:01:11.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:01:12.000 Is that steel cable?

01:01:13.000 If you're driving in the mud. 1.00

01:01:13.000 Yeah, that's fucking steel cable. 1.00

01:01:15.000 That winch is steel cable, man. 1.00

01:01:16.000 If you get caught up in that, it's just going to snap your arm off.

01:01:18.000 Oh my god, yeah. 0.58

01:01:19.000 It'll rip your body apart. 1.00

01:01:21.000 Steel cable, they can pick up trees with that shit. 1.00

01:01:23.000 You can put a winch on. 0.99

01:01:24.000 It depends on the power of the winch.

01:01:27.000 But if it's a good winch, you can pull hundreds of pounds.

01:01:29.000 That's why black guys like it so much.

01:01:31.000 I always hear them taking it from buildings. 0.96

01:01:34.000 Stealing cables?

01:01:35.000 Oh yeah, that's the little cable.

01:01:36.000 Stealing. 1.00

01:01:37.000 You silly bitch. 1.00

01:01:39.000 No, steel cable. 1.00

01:01:41.000 Like, you don't pay for it, Brian.

01:01:43.000 Oh.

01:01:44.000 Not like steel cables.

01:01:48.000 Think about the first guy who invented wires.

01:01:50.000 Who figured out how to stretch out some metal so far?

01:01:52.000 Think about the real heroes.

01:01:53.000 Like the first guy to actually steal cable. 0.94

01:01:55.000 Somebody fucking figure that out and then share that information with people. 0.98

01:01:58.000 That was easy. 0.99

01:01:58.000 I remember I used to have... 0.99

01:01:59.000 Everybody did.

01:02:00.000 Who figured that out though?

01:02:01.000 There was a guy that lived in the neighborhood that would leave up a thing when satellite dishes first came out.

01:02:07.000 He would leave up like on telephone poles.

01:02:11.000 This is how gangster it was in 1993. He'd leave up a phone number and it would say, you know, fix your satellite box to catch any channel.

01:02:20.000 And so you would give this guy your card and then he would come back and bring the card back to you and it was doctored.

01:02:28.000 And the card could get everything.

01:02:30.000 It got every pay-per-view movie, every porn, everything that happened it would get, but it would never work.

01:02:36.000 Really?

01:02:37.000 It would work for like a day. 0.95

01:02:38.000 I know those things work where they said they would send a signal to fuck it up. 0.99

01:02:41.000 Yeah, they crush it. 0.96

01:02:42.000 And then it just got to a silly point where I think me and my roommate were like, why are we doing this? 0.99

01:02:48.000 Let's just pay for this fucking thing. 0.99

01:02:49.000 We didn't want this stuff. 1.00

01:02:50.000 So we can actually have a TV on. 1.00

01:02:52.000 This is so stupid. 1.00

01:02:53.000 I saw it at the barbershop in Atlanta. 1.00

01:02:58.000 The guys had hacked their Apple TV, and it had every single channel, HBO, every movie that was in the theaters.

01:03:07.000 It was just like, watch now, watch now.

01:03:10.000 And it was set up so cool.

01:03:12.000 I forgot all about it, but whatever it is, you can live off of just that.

01:03:17.000 It had streaming channels.

01:03:18.000 It had Ustream channel.

01:03:19.000 It had...

01:03:20.000 It had everything you could possibly want.

01:03:22.000 New movies in theaters.

01:03:24.000 It was weird.

01:03:25.000 Oh, I got a disturbing story for you.

01:03:27.000 Uh-oh.

01:03:28.000 Remember we went to Vancouver?

01:03:29.000 Yes.

01:03:30.000 And we went to visit that pot shop?

01:03:33.000 Yes.

01:03:34.000 But they couldn't sell it to us because we were out of state.

01:03:38.000 But somebody hooked us up anyway.

01:03:39.000 He got fired for that.

01:03:40.000 For hooking us up?

01:03:41.000 Yeah.

01:03:42.000 Oh, man.

01:03:42.000 I got fired because he shouldn't have hooked us up.

01:03:46.000 Really?

01:03:46.000 Yeah.

01:03:47.000 It's so bad, right?

01:03:48.000 He was like, no, I can't help it.

01:03:49.000 But then he went outside and just gave us some.

01:03:51.000 Yeah, he couldn't sell us any, so he gave us some.

01:03:54.000 And you gave him tickets to the UFC after that? 0.99

01:03:56.000 Yeah, what the fuck? 0.99

01:03:57.000 That guy got fired. 1.00

01:03:57.000 I was like, oh, this is the right way to handle it. 1.00

01:03:59.000 Probably bragged too much about the tickets for the UFC. They were like, I don't know.

01:04:05.000 That sucks, though.

01:04:06.000 Sorry to hear about that, buddy. 0.89

01:04:07.000 I was like, aw.

01:04:08.000 I was like, that's real, really bad for you.

01:04:11.000 Someday it's going to be easy to go anywhere and be able to buy weed just like you can go anywhere and buy a beer.

01:04:16.000 How it should be. 1.00

01:04:17.000 You should be a fucking taxpaying grown adult who walks in there and acts like a gentleman and picks up whatever the fuck you need. 1.00

01:04:24.000 Whether you'd like to buy a bottle of wine to go with dinner or whether you'd like to get an eighth of weed because you and your chick are going to watch movies and fuck. 1.00

01:04:32.000 How about that? 1.00

01:04:33.000 Is that okay?

01:04:33.000 Am I allowed to do that?

01:04:34.000 You fucking controlling douchebags. 1.00

01:04:36.000 You should be a behind-the-counter purchase. 1.00

01:04:38.000 Jesus.

01:04:38.000 You have to go there with the key.

01:04:39.000 Yeah, it should be super easy.

01:04:40.000 Here's your ID. Can I see your ID? Okay, you're 21. Here's your weed, Mr. Shafir.

01:04:44.000 Take it easy.

01:04:45.000 21. Nonsense.

01:04:47.000 Silly bitch. 1.00

01:04:48.000 No. 1.00

01:04:49.000 No?

01:04:49.000 Not for weed.

01:04:50.000 It has to be 21?

01:04:51.000 No.

01:04:52.000 I think it should be four.

01:04:53.000 Yeah.

01:04:54.000 We should be able to get them high really young.

01:04:55.000 I took half an Adderall today.

01:04:57.000 This is like the second time I've ever done Adderall before.

01:04:59.000 First of all, okay.

01:05:00.000 This is the first time that I feel like it...

01:05:03.000 It's like a sativa.

01:05:04.000 I think if you are a fan of Adderall, if you got a really good sativa, it would be pretty similar.

01:05:11.000 Wow, really?

01:05:12.000 I think so.

01:05:12.000 No, it makes your body all jacked up and moving.

01:05:14.000 It's similar in some way.

01:05:16.000 But here's the deal, Brian.

01:05:17.000 When you say half an Adderall, you have to understand there are different values for different pills.

01:05:22.000 Half of a 5 milligram Adderall is far different than the 40 that you might have split in half.

01:05:28.000 By the way, powerful Ari Shafir t-shirts.

01:05:30.000 Yeah, these are awesome.

01:05:31.000 Watching on YouTube.

01:05:32.000 You guys didn't have to wear them while I was here.

01:05:34.000 I like his tongue.

01:05:35.000 Look at his tongue.

01:05:36.000 It's got some stuff on it.

01:05:37.000 Where can anybody buy these, dude?

01:05:38.000 These are actually really cool.

01:05:39.000 I'm going to have them online in like a week or two, but right now at my live dates...

01:05:42.000 Nice.

01:05:43.000 I love it, Ari.

01:05:44.000 Pester Ari on Twitter, A-R-I-S-H-A-F-F-I-R, to make sure that he comes strong and corrects with the t-shirts.

01:05:52.000 He's got LSD and ecstasy on his tongue, and there's the pink elephants on parade.

01:05:56.000 Beautiful.

01:05:57.000 It's actually a shirt I would wear. 1.00

01:05:58.000 There's a hot bitch on your head. 1.00

01:05:59.000 I like it. 1.00

01:06:00.000 Hot naked black chick with a mushroom leaf right next to her. 1.00

01:06:02.000 There's only one place I can't wear this shirt, though. 0.99

01:06:04.000 Academy clubs would be kind of weird. 1.00

01:06:06.000 Just wear it, bitch. 1.00

01:06:07.000 Don't be scared. 1.00

01:06:08.000 I'll wear it.

01:06:09.000 I'll wear this on stage.

01:06:10.000 If I knew that you had this, I would have wore this for my special.

01:06:13.000 What?

01:06:14.000 Really?

01:06:14.000 Yeah.

01:06:14.000 How about that?

01:06:14.000 That would be a cool shirt.

01:06:15.000 I would have totally wore this for my special.

01:06:17.000 How about this?

01:06:18.000 I'll wear this for my next special.

01:06:20.000 I'm committing to it.

01:06:21.000 Right now, they'll be gone.

01:06:22.000 This is a 2012 shirt.

01:06:23.000 I want to have a different sports shirt over here.

01:06:24.000 What are you talking about?

01:06:25.000 I'm going to wear this next year.

01:06:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:27.000 My goal now after doing Atlanta is to try to do another one in a year.

01:06:31.000 Yeah, let's talk about that.

01:06:32.000 That's what I've been trying to do.

01:06:34.000 Let's hear some new jokes of yours, like some notes of yours right now.

01:06:37.000 Oh, I can't tell you.

01:06:38.000 It could be weird to see it.

01:06:42.000 Here's the thing that really helped me.

01:06:43.000 When you're thinking in terms of this, Tom Segura asked Bill Burr about it.

01:06:46.000 And he broke it down to what an hour is.

01:06:48.000 And he goes, that's five minutes a month.

01:06:50.000 So if you get pretty much any new month that you're like, am I five minutes ahead of where I was?

01:06:55.000 And just time it that way.

01:06:56.000 And just keep a pace for yourself.

01:06:57.000 Where you're either ahead of pace or behind pace.

01:06:59.000 I had five new minutes the first time on stage. 0.98

01:07:01.000 Because there was a bunch of shit that I had written that I... The last couple of months, I hadn't committed to any new stuff. 0.92

01:07:08.000 I was just trying to completely tighten the old stuff.

01:07:10.000 Except this circumcision bit that just came out of nowhere.

01:07:13.000 I couldn't stop it.

01:07:14.000 I had to put it on. 0.99

01:07:15.000 It just fit in with all this other shit I had to. 0.76

01:07:17.000 But other than that, all my writing that I had from all that time is all bankrolled. 0.85

01:07:22.000 So I just have to go over the writing. 0.99

01:07:24.000 You know, the fucking... 1.00

01:07:26.000 Oh, right, right. 1.00

01:07:27.000 The nuttiness.

01:07:28.000 I just have to go over the nuttiness.

01:07:29.000 Go back to your notes so you didn't want to explore it because you're like, I've got stuff right now.

01:07:31.000 Exactly.

01:07:32.000 Oh, cool.

01:07:32.000 So since I did still keep writing, there's a lot of ideas.

01:07:36.000 I just have to sort of set them up.

01:07:38.000 But this will make yourself go through them.

01:07:40.000 Did you end up doing the baby bee?

01:07:41.000 No, no, I didn't do that one.

01:07:43.000 No, that's two specials of that joke.

01:07:45.000 That's going to be like...

01:07:47.000 No, no, no.

01:07:47.000 I had a thought.

01:07:48.000 I had a thought.

01:07:48.000 Here's what you do.

01:07:49.000 What?

01:07:49.000 YouTube video.

01:07:50.000 Just release that YouTube video.

01:07:52.000 I should.

01:07:52.000 Get it out there on your own YouTube account.

01:07:54.000 Yeah, hire some actors.

01:07:55.000 I mean, that bit is three or four years old and so ready to go and be done.

01:08:00.000 Have Don Barris be the baby.

01:08:01.000 Yeah.

01:08:02.000 I'm so immature with my sense of humor that I have so many jokes about someone getting blown.

01:08:07.000 Just use that to promote the special when you have it.

01:08:10.000 Here's one free. 0.99

01:08:11.000 The next time you go to a big club, just tape it, Brian, fucking tape it from the back. 0.99

01:08:14.000 Maybe. 0.99

01:08:15.000 Get a close-up of them and get a faraway shot of them and cut those together.

01:08:18.000 I'll go behind you.

01:08:20.000 Whoa.

01:08:20.000 No, not behind.

01:08:21.000 What?

01:08:22.000 Why are you nodding so enthusiastically?

01:08:25.000 Adderall.

01:08:26.000 But it was the Atlanta thing.

01:08:28.000 It went great, right?

01:08:29.000 Couldn't have gone any better, man.

01:08:30.000 These crowds are completely different crowds.

01:08:32.000 The crowds that we're getting now are 100% podcast fans.

01:08:36.000 And it's like hanging out and doing a show in front of our friends.

01:08:40.000 It's like a bunch of friends that we don't know that And the other people who come just to come for shows, they're like, oh, this is a really fun thing.

01:08:45.000 Dude, they're so overwhelmingly nice.

01:08:49.000 It's crazy.

01:08:50.000 I don't know how we did it.

01:08:51.000 I don't know what exactly the combination was to create that.

01:08:56.000 But that's very unusual.

01:08:58.000 It's very unusual when you talk to people that work at clubs and people that work at theaters.

01:09:01.000 They go, your crowd is the nicest crowd we've ever seen ever.

01:09:04.000 Oh, yeah, they're pretty cool.

01:09:04.000 No one's even close.

01:09:05.000 They're good tippers. 0.96

01:09:06.000 They're good, they're generous, and they were fucking so pumped for the show, dude. 0.98

01:09:10.000 It was nuts. 0.97

01:09:11.000 I was so comfortable. 0.99

01:09:12.000 It was the only time I've ever done a special where I didn't feel at all like, oh shit, I'm filming right now. 0.98

01:09:17.000 Really? 0.97

01:09:17.000 I was completely in the groove. 0.97

01:09:20.000 I had done so much stand-up leading up to that, too.

01:09:22.000 You just felt comfortable.

01:09:24.000 Yeah, I did all my work, and then on top of that, the crowd was amazing.

01:09:27.000 But now it's that the big challenge is to now to create a whole new hour.

01:09:32.000 So I have to really sit down and I have all these scattered notes.

01:09:36.000 I'm going to have to do some organizing.

01:09:38.000 Ice House, Ice House, Ice House.

01:09:38.000 Yeah, we're going to have to do some Ice House shows.

01:09:40.000 Do you want to do Wednesday?

01:09:41.000 Can we do Wednesday?

01:09:42.000 See if we can do Wednesday.

01:09:44.000 Do you think we can?

01:09:45.000 Probably not.

01:09:46.000 If we can, let's do it.

01:09:47.000 This is what Louis said too, after you do the first year, when you start the same process again the next year and it seems as daunting as it does right now, you'll be like, oh no, I know this leads to a new hour of material.

01:09:55.000 Yeah.

01:09:56.000 So it's okay, I can do this.

01:09:57.000 It's like bench pressing to get bigger.

01:09:59.000 Well, I know that writing to me is just like doing rounds on the bag or doing minutes on an elliptical machine.

01:10:07.000 You build endurance.

01:10:08.000 You build like a groove.

01:10:10.000 And right now, I'm in good writing shape.

01:10:13.000 I feel like when I write a lot, I get in good writing shape.

01:10:16.000 Yeah, it's a muscle.

01:10:16.000 Yeah, and I think it comes out better the more you use it.

01:10:22.000 And it comes out, your editing skills on the fly get better.

01:10:25.000 Better writing now than you were five years ago, ten years ago.

01:10:28.000 Of course, no doubt.

01:10:28.000 You've been doing a lot, yeah.

01:10:29.000 I'm so happy that I, you know, I always wondered what would happen as I got older, like if my stand-up would start to suck one day.

01:10:35.000 You know, I always worried about that.

01:10:37.000 I always worried about, like, hitting a peak and then not being good anymore.

01:10:41.000 It seems like there's a plateau you can get.

01:10:42.000 It's kind of like a pool where you can play to stand-up later into your years.

01:10:47.000 It's not like a 40-year-old retirement moment.

01:10:48.000 Well, I think it has to do with your physical health, too. 0.96

01:10:51.000 If you get depressed and you feel like shit, I bet your comedy is going to start to not be as fun and not be as good. 0.93

01:10:56.000 I think part of the commitment to your craft... 0.98

01:10:58.000 Stand-up does all the time.

01:10:59.000 Well, he's a different kind of stand-up. 0.91

01:11:01.000 Stand-up's comedy almost depends on him being miserable. 0.93

01:11:04.000 I think almost every comic I know seems like they're depressed and miserable. 0.91

01:11:09.000 There are a lot that are.

01:11:10.000 They don't have to be.

01:11:11.000 It's not necessary, but that can fuel you.

01:11:13.000 It can fuel you to go up there and get that charge where I know in times in my life where I wasn't happy, I would go on stage and kill.

01:11:20.000 I'd at least feel like I could do something.

01:11:21.000 Rage against something.

01:11:22.000 I'd at least feel like I'm capable of something.

01:11:25.000 If I could go on stage, if I'm feeling like a loser, I'm feeling depressed, and I'd go on stage and get a bunch of people to laugh, I'll just be like, okay, I'm not bad at this.

01:11:33.000 I did a good job at this.

01:11:34.000 Yeah.

01:11:35.000 I can feel a little better now.

01:11:36.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:11:37.000 It gives you a little pick-me-up.

01:11:38.000 Short term.

01:11:39.000 So they all gave you a standing ovation before you even went on stage.

01:11:41.000 Yeah, it was nuts.

01:11:42.000 It couldn't have been better.

01:11:43.000 The place was insane.

01:11:44.000 It couldn't not have been better.

01:11:46.000 And there was a lot of traffic because there were some crazy basketball games going on at the same time.

01:11:50.000 And we got stuck.

01:11:53.000 It was really hard for everybody to get there.

01:11:55.000 So the show didn't even start for like a half an hour late.

01:11:58.000 So everybody was building up. 0.99

01:11:59.000 So when the lights went off and when I came on the microphone to introduce Joey, they went fucking crazy.

01:12:06.000 And it was so funny because my manager and Shandra and Jeff, they're the best. 0.93

01:12:12.000 I've been with Jeff since I was an open-miker, essentially.

01:12:15.000 He came and found me in Boston where I was a scrub.

01:12:18.000 And I think that one of the main reasons why I've been successful is that I don't have to think about the business stuff.

01:12:23.000 I just let him think about it.

01:12:24.000 Oh, yeah.

01:12:25.000 And I just do my comedy.

01:12:26.000 I don't have to worry about it because he's the best.

01:12:29.000 But they were like, let's have you introduced offstage.

01:12:34.000 Like, just say your name clean and you come out alone.

01:12:37.000 I'm like, Joey's got to bring me up.

01:12:39.000 Plus your fans will want to see that too.

01:12:41.000 That five seconds.

01:12:42.000 Yeah, Joey has to bring me up.

01:12:45.000 That's voodoo. 0.99

01:12:46.000 You're like, okay, thank you for the suggestion.

01:12:47.000 We're not going to do that.

01:12:48.000 I appreciate your input.

01:12:49.000 But they were like, well, let's just try it once.

01:12:52.000 I'm like, no, Joey's got to bring me up.

01:12:53.000 It doesn't have to make sense.

01:12:56.000 Yeah, you're not going to talk about it.

01:12:58.000 He's brought me up in every special for the past...

01:13:00.000 Really?

01:13:01.000 Yeah.

01:13:01.000 Eight, nine years, whatever it's been.

01:13:03.000 So you couldn't do it in Canada, right?

01:13:05.000 Yeah, Duncan and I tried to do a chant at the beginning of one of the specials, but it didn't work at all.

01:13:08.000 It's so hilarious.

01:13:11.000 Yeah.

01:13:11.000 Everyone's sitting there like, what are they doing?

01:13:14.000 What are they doing?

01:13:15.000 We were way too baked before we came up with that idea.

01:13:18.000 We thought we could get the whole crowd to om along, and we got like maybe 30 people.

01:13:22.000 Yeah.

01:13:22.000 And then everyone's like, what's happening?

01:13:24.000 What are you doing?

01:13:25.000 They're waiting for the punchline that never was. 1.00

01:13:27.000 That shit is such a trip. 1.00

01:13:28.000 The second show, Joe turned to me and goes, do you want to go up and do five minutes? 1.00

01:13:33.000 And we just got done smoking a joint and I was stoned out in my mind.

01:13:38.000 I got to go up and it was pretty cool, but it was so hard to judge that many people.

01:13:43.000 Like you said, 30 people was doing it and it seemed like that's 30 out of a million. 0.95

01:13:49.000 I don't want to say your material, dude, but that one joke you have is fucking funny. 0.97

01:13:53.000 He's got one joke. 0.89

01:13:56.000 I can't say anything.

01:13:57.000 It'll give away a bit. 0.93

01:13:58.000 It's one joke that's one of them where I go, damn, I wish I thought that one up.

01:14:02.000 You know, when you hear somebody say something, it's just like... 0.91

01:14:05.000 It fires open a door.

01:14:06.000 It's such a fun one to play with.

01:14:08.000 There's so much to do with it.

01:14:09.000 To watch over a thousand people laugh at that was really fun.

01:14:12.000 It's fun to watch someone go up that's never been in front of that big of a crowd.

01:14:16.000 But they all were really friendly.

01:14:18.000 When you went on stage, they gave you a huge round of applause.

01:14:20.000 I knew you probably had it.

01:14:21.000 So that had made you feel like they were happy to see you.

01:14:25.000 It's going to be so much better.

01:14:26.000 It is so much better, the feeling you get when you're like, oh cool, you guys already know me. 0.99

01:14:30.000 Nobody takes more internet shit than Brian. 0.99

01:14:33.000 Nobody takes more. 1.00

01:14:34.000 You have more haters and more irrational, angry people.

01:14:38.000 You love it though, right?

01:14:39.000 A certain part of you loves it.

01:14:40.000 No, I hate it.

01:14:41.000 No, no, no.

01:14:41.000 It's not uncomfortable.

01:14:42.000 And then there's always some weird sort of analysis of Brian and I's relationship.

01:14:49.000 Look, Brian and I are very different, but obviously we like each other.

01:14:54.000 I've never had a job for more than 10 years.

01:14:57.000 It's a long time.

01:14:58.000 It's a long time.

01:14:59.000 We're working together.

01:15:00.000 But we like each other.

01:15:02.000 I mean, we like each other a lot.

01:15:04.000 I mean, I would say love, but it sounds gay, because he's right next to me.

01:15:06.000 But of course I love him.

01:15:07.000 But the reason why we keep doing this is because it works well.

01:15:13.000 Don't you see? 1.00

01:15:14.000 Yeah, he says ridiculous shit. 1.00

01:15:15.000 Yeah, he thinks so. 1.00

01:15:16.000 But you say also some things that I don't think of.

01:15:19.000 You come at things from a weird perspective sometimes. 0.99

01:15:24.000 But for whatever reason, people get angry at shit. 0.98

01:15:29.000 All you have to do is say one thing, you'll interject one thing, and it'll derail a conversation. 0.99

01:15:35.000 Sometimes it works, and sometimes you derail something, and it becomes really funny, and sometimes it doesn't.

01:15:39.000 Who knows?

01:15:40.000 You never know until you try.

01:15:41.000 That's what people don't understand that they're listening. 0.97

01:15:43.000 But they'll get so fucking angry at you! 0.95

01:15:46.000 And you're like, dude, get up and go out. 0.96

01:15:48.000 There's a conversation going on somewhere, and you're listening in.

01:15:51.000 That's it.

01:15:52.000 That's all that's happening here. 0.99

01:15:53.000 There's no reason to get fucking spastic, angry, fucking violent mad. 1.00

01:15:57.000 Like, relax. 1.00

01:15:59.000 That's just internet angry. 1.00

01:15:59.000 This motherfucker! 1.00

01:16:01.000 If he interrupts one more time, I'm gonna kick him in his cunt! 1.00

01:16:03.000 That's the only way they've expressed, like, ugh. 1.00

01:16:05.000 That's all they're trying to express.

01:16:07.000 That's the only way they can do that online.

01:16:08.000 All they feel is, ugh.

01:16:10.000 And they have to say that. 1.00

01:16:11.000 I'm going to kill you. 0.99

01:16:12.000 I appreciate criticism. 1.00

01:16:13.000 I really do.

01:16:14.000 And it sounds like I don't, because I just get mad and block people when they say cunty things on Twitter or whatever.

01:16:20.000 But I'm not going to argue with you, man.

01:16:21.000 If you can't communicate with me like a normal human being, if you can't communicate with me like you would, if you just...

01:16:26.000 I don't care who I ever met. 1.00

01:16:29.000 If I had to have a conversation with Adolf Hitler, if I had to go back in time and have a conversation with Adolf Hitler, I wouldn't start calling him a cunt and say crazy stupid shit to him, even though I know he's a piece of shit. 1.00

01:16:45.000 Where's that going to help you? 1.00

01:16:46.000 It's not going to help me at all.

01:16:47.000 I already know what he is.

01:16:48.000 I want to base all of my interactions with someone on how they interact with me.

01:16:52.000 I want to know about their past. 0.98

01:16:54.000 I want to know you're dealing with a criminal or whatever the fuck you're dealing with, but... 0.97

01:16:58.000 You should be as courteous as possible to someone. 0.99

01:17:02.000 Heffron always gets upset when people write in shitty things.

01:17:05.000 I'm like, Heffron, why do you care? 0.99

01:17:06.000 That's just some shitty person. 0.99

01:17:07.000 Who cares? 1.00

01:17:08.000 That's just a screaming baby. 1.00

01:17:10.000 What are you worried about?

01:17:11.000 Yeah, I see people go back and forth and fight with people on Twitter.

01:17:15.000 I'm like, whoa, really? 1.00

01:17:16.000 Yeah, if someone's like, fuck you, you fucking cunt. 1.00

01:17:17.000 You're like, oh. 1.00

01:17:18.000 Dana White goes off.

01:17:19.000 Dana White has like multiple day dudes with Jews. 0.99

01:17:22.000 Really?

01:17:22.000 He can't do that.

01:17:23.000 There's no point.

01:17:23.000 What are you going to prove to them that they're wrong?

01:17:26.000 Has that ever happened in the history of Twitter that you prove to someone that they're wrong?

01:17:30.000 Dana actually enjoys it, though.

01:17:31.000 Really?

01:17:32.000 He really does. 1.00

01:17:32.000 He's crazy. 1.00

01:17:33.000 He's from Boston. 0.99

01:17:33.000 He still likes to fight. 0.99

01:17:34.000 He still needs it.

01:17:35.000 He enjoys it.

01:17:36.000 He's good at it. 1.00

01:17:37.000 He goes to their fucking pictures and makes fun of them. 0.99

01:17:40.000 Specific information. 1.00

01:17:41.000 Yeah, it's funny, man.

01:17:44.000 It's funny.

01:17:44.000 He gets into it.

01:17:45.000 But he does it all with a big smile on his face.

01:17:47.000 I've watched him do it. 1.00

01:17:49.000 Obviously, Dana White is successful as fuck. 1.00

01:17:51.000 He's not really worried about what some twatty 15-year-old kid from the middle of nowhere on Twitter is saying about him. 1.00

01:17:57.000 I like that word.

01:17:57.000 He thinks it's fun.

01:17:59.000 Twatty is a good word.

01:18:00.000 Twatty.

01:18:02.000 It's a sweet word.

01:18:03.000 And by the way, the people that came to Joe's show, I want you to come to my show May 12th.

01:18:07.000 Where's your show?

01:18:08.000 Denver.

01:18:08.000 Oh, I'm sorry, Denver.

01:18:09.000 Yeah, the Comedy Works.

01:18:10.000 Oh, well, that's a totally different place in the world.

01:18:12.000 Well, my show was in Atlanta.

01:18:14.000 Your fans, your people came. 0.98

01:18:16.000 That's a shitty segue right there, son. 0.94

01:18:17.000 You sort of rethought that. 0.92

01:18:18.000 I realized we just jumped off the subject, and I was like, oh, as we're talking about the special, I'll say that.

01:18:21.000 Do you think Will Ferrell, when he brings his cats to a shelter that he has had many times, they accidentally killed a cat?

01:18:31.000 What?

01:18:31.000 Will Ferrell brings his cats to shelters?

01:18:33.000 Like if he goes out of town and he takes it to a shelter?

01:18:35.000 He brings his cat to a shelter?

01:18:36.000 No, I mean, like if he did, do you think he would constantly have dead cats?

01:18:40.000 Why?

01:18:40.000 Because it would be like, Ferrell, you know, his last name would mix things up, some paperwork or something.

01:18:46.000 Oh, you fucking silly bitch. 1.00

01:18:48.000 I just get done defending you and you come with that. 1.00

01:18:53.000 These are like notes, Brian.

01:18:55.000 That's what it is.

01:18:55.000 These are notes that you should write down then revisit later and work on the wording.

01:18:59.000 I'm incredibly disappointed with you.

01:19:00.000 I threw that in on purpose just because of Ari's throwing. 1.00

01:19:03.000 I'm incredibly disappointed with you, Brian.

01:19:05.000 I set you up nice for the rest of the show.

01:19:07.000 You could have walked away a hero.

01:19:08.000 But no. 1.00

01:19:09.000 No, this guy's right now, this motherfucker, I swear, if I find your red band, red band, I'm going to spit right in your fucking stupid t-shirt. 1.00

01:19:18.000 Ha ha ha. 1.00

01:19:19.000 Fuck you, man. 1.00

01:19:20.000 You ruined my fucking show, man. 1.00

01:19:22.000 I fell off the elliptical. 1.00

01:19:24.000 We got really high this time.

01:19:26.000 Yeah, we got way too high.

01:19:27.000 This Adderall high thing is totally different.

01:19:29.000 Yeah, you're on a different thing.

01:19:30.000 Trenta iced coffee on top of that.

01:19:31.000 Jesus, son.

01:19:32.000 I don't think you're supposed to mix Adderall with caffeine like that.

01:19:35.000 Losing weight?

01:19:36.000 No.

01:19:37.000 It's a weight loss thing.

01:19:38.000 Is that what you're doing it for?

01:19:39.000 No, I'm just trying to be focused right now.

01:19:40.000 Oh.

01:19:41.000 Yeah, you're so busy, man.

01:19:43.000 Shipping stickers right now is at a third full time.

01:19:45.000 Let me see that fill.

01:19:46.000 I want to see if that's a 40 milligram or not.

01:19:49.000 That is the craziest... 0.99

01:19:50.000 You know, by the way, guys, maybe you shouldn't be passing this shit around in front of a camera. 0.99

01:19:54.000 Hey, remember what our friend at Ustream told us? 0.99

01:19:57.000 Well...

01:19:57.000 We'll show you after this.

01:19:58.000 I got a prescription, Rory.

01:19:59.000 It's just a baggie.

01:20:00.000 All right.

01:20:01.000 Dude, it could be implied as some sort of...

01:20:03.000 Well, it's made by pharmaceutical companies and it makes people happy.

01:20:06.000 I know somebody who has a full-time prescription.

01:20:09.000 He takes it every day.

01:20:09.000 People who have severe ADD, they take it to calm them down instead of hype them up.

01:20:13.000 I don't feel calm.

01:20:14.000 No, you're getting a totally different reaction than they are.

01:20:18.000 That's why no medical doctor would prescribe it to you.

01:20:20.000 I feel like I'm coming down from a coke buzz.

01:20:23.000 When did you take it?

01:20:26.000 Four hours ago?

01:20:27.000 You've got plenty of time.

01:20:28.000 You've got plenty of time.

01:20:30.000 How long is it left?

01:20:31.000 You're not coming down.

01:20:31.000 Sometimes 9, 10, 12 hours.

01:20:33.000 Whoa, Jesus Christ.

01:20:34.000 Two more podcasts tonight, so that's perfect.

01:20:38.000 Wow.

01:20:38.000 Dude, that's a...

01:20:39.000 Are you sure that it's healthy to take that stuff?

01:20:42.000 It's not like salad or kale.

01:20:44.000 No, it's drugs.

01:20:44.000 It's totally not healthy.

01:20:47.000 But it's just drugs.

01:20:49.000 Is it dangerous?

01:20:50.000 No.

01:20:50.000 Yeah, a little bit.

01:20:51.000 I'm sure you can overdose on it if you take too much.

01:20:53.000 I took half a pill, though.

01:20:54.000 Would you quit saying half a pill?

01:20:56.000 I just told you that's such a huge difference.

01:20:59.000 You should stop saying that.

01:21:02.000 You should find out how much you're taking.

01:21:04.000 One 5-milligram pill.

01:21:05.000 It's the same as half a 10-milligram pill.

01:21:09.000 Brian, that might be horse dosage.

01:21:11.000 There was a 4 written on it.

01:21:13.000 I've never even heard of that.

01:21:14.000 Brian, you have the strongest ones available.

01:21:16.000 And you took a half.

01:21:18.000 I've heard of a 10 and a 20. You're cracked out right now, son.

01:21:21.000 Just suck my dick. 1.00

01:21:23.000 Whoa, easy. 1.00

01:21:23.000 Just give me a taste. 1.00

01:21:25.000 This will come down from Adderall.

01:21:26.000 Is there a way to get...

01:21:27.000 I think you crush.

01:21:29.000 You just...

01:21:30.000 Is there anything you can take in order to come down?

01:21:33.000 Yeah, more Adderall.

01:21:33.000 More Adderall help you?

01:21:34.000 Yeah, that's what you do.

01:21:35.000 Lighter dosage.

01:21:36.000 At the end of the day, though, my friend who's on it all the time said that sometimes if he has to do something late at night, like a late night show, it's badly timed.

01:21:45.000 Because he takes his stuff at a certain time every day.

01:21:47.000 So if there's a late night show, it fucks him up.

01:21:51.000 If I take one of those five-hour energies...

01:21:53.000 No, Nut doesn't get too hyper.

01:21:54.000 He's done.

01:21:55.000 By the time the late night show rolls around, he's over.

01:21:58.000 He's tired.

01:21:58.000 But he can't take it too late because they won't be able to sleep that night.

01:22:01.000 Exactamundo.

01:22:02.000 Medicated.

01:22:04.000 Medicated to the gills.

01:22:07.000 We live in a strange world.

01:22:08.000 I heard about a new drug.

01:22:09.000 What is it?

01:22:09.000 A cop told me in Austin.

01:22:12.000 Wow.

01:22:13.000 Crocodile.

01:22:13.000 Oh, that's a drug from Russia.

01:22:17.000 Yeah.

01:22:17.000 A lot of guys that were hooked on heroin are taking it.

01:22:20.000 It makes their skin rot.

01:22:22.000 It makes your skin rot.

01:22:23.000 It's where you can see the bone through your skin.

01:22:25.000 I heard about that.

01:22:25.000 Have you seen it?

01:22:26.000 They call it something else, like Meow Meow or something like that.

01:22:28.000 Maybe.

01:22:29.000 I don't know.

01:22:29.000 It's called Crocodile, though.

01:22:31.000 Crocodile, yeah.

01:22:32.000 Oh, is that what it is?

01:22:33.000 Yeah, horrifying. 0.98

01:22:34.000 Yeah, and they said it takes about two years to kill you, so it'll be plenty of time. 0.98

01:22:37.000 You're going to be like, just a little worse, just a little worse. 0.92

01:22:39.000 It must feel amazing.

01:22:40.000 It must.

01:22:40.000 That's what I asked the cop who told me about it.

01:22:42.000 I was like, how does it feel?

01:22:44.000 Like, awesome, right?

01:22:45.000 I mean, it's making people have, like, rotten holes in their body where they're shooting it in.

01:22:51.000 I mean, it's really crazy to look at.

01:22:53.000 When you look at the images...

01:22:54.000 It just rots away your skin.

01:22:55.000 Have we talked about this on this podcast?

01:22:56.000 No, we never have.

01:22:57.000 Who would take this?

01:22:58.000 I don't know.

01:22:59.000 People are so strange, man. 1.00

01:23:01.000 Hey, man, I got this good shit. 1.00

01:23:03.000 It makes your skin fall off. 1.00

01:23:05.000 Well, that's not the effect that they want.

01:23:07.000 That's something I'll tell you about. 0.99

01:23:09.000 People are so crazy, bro. 1.00

01:23:11.000 They're so crazy. 1.00

01:23:12.000 It's just such a weird animal.

01:23:15.000 You also have to know how much to take and stuff?

01:23:17.000 Yeah.

01:23:17.000 Well, how about none?

01:23:18.000 That's a good move.

01:23:19.000 My friend told me he took mushrooms in Amsterdam and he didn't like them.

01:23:22.000 And I was like, oh, well, how much did you take?

01:23:23.000 Where'd you take them?

01:23:24.000 He goes, I took 20 grams.

01:23:25.000 And I went to the...

01:23:26.000 I was like, what?!

01:23:27.000 Well, that's why. 0.99

01:23:28.000 That's like drinking a fucking bottle of tequila and saying, I don't like booze. 1.00

01:23:32.000 20 grams? 1.00

01:23:33.000 Yeah.

01:23:34.000 That's insane.

01:23:35.000 How many grams is in a pound?

01:23:38.000 In a pound?

01:23:38.000 I don't know.

01:23:39.000 An ounce?

01:23:40.000 He's like, oh, that's different.

01:23:42.000 I don't know.

01:23:42.000 What?

01:23:43.000 How many in a pound?

01:23:44.000 Yeah.

01:23:44.000 It's at, what, two and a half ounces, I think?

01:23:46.000 Two and a half ounces in a pound?

01:23:48.000 Maybe I'm totally wrong.

01:23:49.000 I don't know how many grams in a...

01:23:50.000 20 grams would be about an ounce.

01:23:53.000 Would that be right?

01:23:54.000 One pound equals 453 grams.

01:23:58.000 Okay, so we took 20 grams.

01:24:00.000 Nowhere near a pound.

01:24:01.000 Yeah, nowhere near it.

01:24:02.000 But still, way too much.

01:24:03.000 Imagine if you ate a pound of mushrooms.

01:24:05.000 Oh my god.

01:24:06.000 What would kill you? 0.51

01:24:07.000 What's the element?

01:24:08.000 I wonder.

01:24:08.000 Let's find out.

01:24:09.000 You might...

01:24:10.000 You might die from eating the same thing of any one food.

01:24:12.000 I think the one time that I took it where I think I overdosed, I think it came out to about a quarter and an eighth.

01:24:22.000 A quarter.

01:24:23.000 So what is that?

01:24:23.000 A quarter and an eighth.

01:24:25.000 One sixteenth, one eighth, two eighths, three eighths.

01:24:28.000 Three eighths.

01:24:29.000 Jesus, you threw me off with that.

01:24:30.000 Three eighths.

01:24:31.000 Yeah, you took three eighths.

01:24:32.000 Yeah, that's a lot.

01:24:33.000 What kind of mushrooms do you remember?

01:24:34.000 I don't know.

01:24:35.000 They're the ones that look like fake, like Mario Brother mushrooms.

01:24:38.000 Like the stems were really big and the caps were like ridiculously fake looking. 0.59

01:24:43.000 280 milligrams per kilogram for a rat.

01:24:47.000 What?

01:24:48.000 Would kill a rat? 0.91

01:24:49.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:24:49.000 200 what? 0.97

01:24:50.000 280 milligrams per kilogram.

01:24:53.000 Like I don't know how many kilos a rat is.

01:24:55.000 So how many kilos am I? Well, the problem with all this LD50 for rats is there's a lot of shit that kills animals that doesn't kill us. 0.99

01:25:02.000 Yes, but there are also a lot of things that kill both rats and us. 0.99

01:25:06.000 And there's also a lot of things that can't kill rats but does kill us.

01:25:10.000 Like living in sewers? 1.00

01:25:12.000 Well, they're fucking disgusting, these cunts. 1.00

01:25:14.000 They eat feces? 1.00

01:25:15.000 They're really disgusting. 0.99

01:25:16.000 They eat each other. 0.97

01:25:18.000 I've told this story before. 1.00

01:25:19.000 I killed a big-ass rat in my fucking garage in Encino. 1.00

01:25:22.000 Killed it with a trap, and I was late at night. 1.00

01:25:24.000 I was like, I heard a snap go off while I was writing.

01:25:26.000 And I went out, I'll get it tomorrow.

01:25:28.000 I got up in the morning, and there was nothing but skin.

01:25:31.000 A little bit of skin and a tail. 1.00

01:25:33.000 They ate that fucking rat. 1.00

01:25:35.000 We had a rat that chewed through his tail in order to get out. 1.00

01:25:39.000 Of a trap. 1.00

01:25:41.000 Yeah, this rat was a big fucking rat, too, man. 1.00

01:25:43.000 They had some big hill rats up there. 1.00

01:25:45.000 In the Hollywood Hills, they got a real problem.

01:25:48.000 In New York, they're everywhere.

01:25:50.000 Yeah, some dude was...

01:25:51.000 Would you rather have mice or rats?

01:25:53.000 Mice.

01:25:53.000 Oh, mice by a long shot.

01:25:55.000 A billion times.

01:25:55.000 The one guy that we had on the show, the hoarder guy.

01:25:57.000 Willard?

01:25:58.000 What's his face?

01:25:59.000 I can't think of his name right now.

01:26:01.000 Oh, Matt.

01:26:02.000 Matt. 0.85

01:26:02.000 He said that he would rather have rats. 0.85

01:26:04.000 Why?

01:26:04.000 I heard him on Nick Opie and Anthony yesterday.

01:26:06.000 A friend of mine lived in the Hollywood Hills, or rather his friend lived in the Hollywood Hills, and he had a dope house with a theater, but when they were watching the movies, he goes, when the movie comes on, he goes, put your feet up, because sometimes rats run across the floor.

01:26:19.000 And he's like, what?

01:26:20.000 That would make it a way worse movie.

01:26:22.000 He goes, if you live in the hills, there's just no way to avoid them.

01:26:25.000 What? 1.00

01:26:25.000 Could you imagine there's no way to avoid rats in your fucking house? 1.00

01:26:29.000 It's like ants. 1.00

01:26:30.000 That's crazy, though.

01:26:31.000 It's little animals.

01:26:31.000 It's so much worse than ants.

01:26:33.000 Wow.

01:26:34.000 Wow.

01:26:34.000 Have you seen Nutrias?

01:26:36.000 Have you ever seen those things?

01:26:36.000 Oh yeah, those giant rats in the south.

01:26:39.000 Dave Attell went Nutria hunting once.

01:26:41.000 Yeah, that's how I found out about it.

01:26:43.000 Yeah, that's how I found out about it too.

01:26:45.000 That was that show, Insomniac.

01:26:48.000 Well, I was watching some show on one of those outdoor channels.

01:26:53.000 I was hunting, and the dude's a chef.

01:26:56.000 I think it's called Dead Meat or something like that.

01:26:58.000 That's the name of the show.

01:26:59.000 And he would go and he'll shoot all kinds of weird things and cook them, like all kinds of weird animals.

01:27:06.000 And so they cooked nutria.

01:27:07.000 They shot these nutrias.

01:27:08.000 But there's a bounty on nutrias.

01:27:10.000 For every nutria you kill, they give you five bucks.

01:27:13.000 Wow, really?

01:27:14.000 Yeah.

01:27:14.000 I'd be able to make a living that way.

01:27:15.000 Yeah, if you have a seven-inch tail, you know, they're big, man.

01:27:19.000 There's a lot of them, too.

01:27:20.000 And do they attack people, or they're just super- No, no, no.

01:27:22.000 They're vegetarians. 1.00

01:27:23.000 We just kill them. 1.00

01:27:24.000 The problem is they're destroying the wetlands. 1.00

01:27:27.000 Their rate of erosion caused by nutrias- Where do they come from?

01:27:32.000 Some insane amount.

01:27:33.000 It was like, they came from another country. 1.00

01:27:35.000 It's like 350 yards or 350 acres a day.

01:27:40.000 They were eroding.

01:27:42.000 These animals were eroding.

01:27:43.000 An insane amount of ground they can cover in a day.

01:27:47.000 And they're just jacking all these wetlands. 0.70

01:27:50.000 And so since they started this bounty on them, the show said that they had dropped it down to 50 acres a day. 0.88

01:27:55.000 But they're still fucking things up. 0.59

01:27:57.000 I mean, it's like... 0.93

01:27:58.000 There's a lot to lose in one day.

01:28:01.000 Every day, they're just jacking all these wetlands.

01:28:04.000 They just kill all the vegetation.

01:28:06.000 All these swampy, crazy areas, they just kill all the vegetation.

01:28:10.000 They're huge. 1.00

01:28:11.000 The fucking thing was like a dog, man. 1.00

01:28:13.000 And this dude, they went out and they shot him in like an hour's time. 1.00

01:28:16.000 They shot like six or seven of them.

01:28:18.000 And they throw him in the boat and they took him back and cooked him.

01:28:21.000 It was really weird, man.

01:28:22.000 It was funny how everybody was repulsed by it.

01:28:24.000 Everybody that they told that it was a nutria, they were like, ooh. 0.65

01:28:27.000 But if you tell someone you got a pig, what is it?

01:28:30.000 Oh, it's bacon. 0.99

01:28:31.000 It's like we came up with cool names for shit that's not the animal itself, like beef. 0.99

01:28:36.000 Beef is cow. 1.00

01:28:38.000 Venison.

01:28:39.000 Venison is a deer.

01:28:41.000 You know what I mean?

01:28:41.000 They would have to come.

01:28:42.000 You can't just say you're going to eat rat.

01:28:44.000 You can say, I'm going to eat chicken.

01:28:45.000 Yeah.

01:28:46.000 Chicken is true. 0.94

01:28:47.000 Chicken is only chicken.

01:28:48.000 Yeah.

01:28:49.000 But pork is like bacon.

01:28:52.000 It's ham.

01:28:53.000 You could have a couple different names for it. 0.98

01:28:58.000 Bacon's so fucking good. 0.98

01:28:59.000 Why is it so good? 1.00

01:29:00.000 Have you been to Denny's when they had that bacon shit? 0.99

01:29:03.000 The fat and the crispy meat. 0.99

01:29:05.000 It's just so delicious.

01:29:06.000 Bacon milkshakes.

01:29:08.000 Yeah, it's so delicious that, I mean, this has been talked to death by comedians, but the idea of, it's become sort of almost like a hacky joke.

01:29:15.000 Put bacon on anything?

01:29:15.000 Yeah, put bacon on any kind of food and it makes it better.

01:29:17.000 It does.

01:29:18.000 Yeah.

01:29:19.000 Chocolate and bacon's good.

01:29:20.000 Have you ever had that together?

01:29:20.000 That's okay.

01:29:21.000 I had that affair once.

01:29:22.000 Yeah, I've had that.

01:29:23.000 It's okay.

01:29:23.000 You put a little salt on it.

01:29:24.000 You know what's amazing, man?

01:29:26.000 Salted caramel.

01:29:27.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:29:28.000 Ooh, that shit's good. 1.00

01:29:30.000 That's a weird... 1.00

01:29:31.000 Yeah, salted caramel ice cream. 0.99

01:29:33.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:29:33.000 I know what you're talking about. 0.99

01:29:34.000 There's a place in Denver, too.

01:29:36.000 I forget the name of it, but they have amazing salted caramel ice cream.

01:29:39.000 Sounds amazing. 0.97

01:29:40.000 And Denver is where Ari Shafir is going to be next week, recording his fucking powerfuls. 0.97

01:29:43.000 You see, that's a segue, son. 0.99

01:29:46.000 Here's the deal.

01:29:46.000 I just want to say, I'm there the 10th through the 12th of May.

01:29:48.000 But I want the cool people, like all these people listening.

01:29:51.000 He wants us.

01:29:53.000 And by the way, the Comedy Works, you owe it to yourself. 0.99

01:29:55.000 If you're going to see a comic like Ari, go to the best club in the fucking country. 1.00

01:29:59.000 And the Comedy Works in Denver might just be that club. 0.99

01:30:02.000 If it's not the best club, guess what?

01:30:03.000 There's no better club than the Comedy Works in Denver.

01:30:06.000 There's no better club in the planet.

01:30:09.000 There's just not.

01:30:09.000 There's the clubs that are just as good, but there's no better club.

01:30:12.000 It's on any list of, like, these are the clubs I like to play before I stop.

01:30:14.000 The Comedy Works in Denver is at the level of the best club in the country.

01:30:19.000 I don't think there's any one best club in the country because there's like Helium in Philly.

01:30:24.000 That's the same level.

01:30:25.000 It's the same level.

01:30:26.000 There's nothing bad about that club.

01:30:28.000 It's perfect.

01:30:28.000 It's one of the best clubs in the country.

01:30:30.000 In my opinion, like Helium in Philly and the Comedy Works in Denver, they're the same level of club.

01:30:36.000 I think that that place is as good as it gets.

01:30:39.000 It's the cream of the crop as far as comedy clubs go. 0.99

01:30:42.000 And Denver is the stoniest, coolest fucking city in the country. 0.98

01:30:46.000 I love Denver, man. 0.99

01:30:47.000 When are you coming back to Columbus?

01:30:49.000 Seriously.

01:30:49.000 Yeah, you know what?

01:30:50.000 I'm gonna book that. 0.95

01:30:52.000 I'm booking a bunch of shit now that I have to write a bunch of new stuff. 0.91

01:30:55.000 So when I come to Columbus, that's probably what I'll do. 0.98

01:30:56.000 I'll probably do the comedy club for a couple of days.

01:30:58.000 The Funny Bone's a good club there, but isn't it weird how that place doesn't have a green room?

01:31:02.000 Yeah, whatever.

01:31:04.000 I kind of like it.

01:31:05.000 I like when you're roughing it.

01:31:06.000 Going back to the kitchen to pull up a chair.

01:31:08.000 Yeah, I like when you have to live like that sometimes.

01:31:10.000 It's realistic.

01:31:11.000 It's good. 0.99

01:31:12.000 It's good for you when you have to be in the hallway warming up and there's fucking people walking by with drinks. 0.99

01:31:16.000 It seems stupid, but I think all that stuff, you should never get away from that. 0.99

01:31:22.000 That's a real comedy club, man. 0.99

01:31:24.000 That's where we all cut our teeth.

01:31:27.000 That's what's responsible for a lot of guys making a living.

01:31:30.000 Those kind of clubs.

01:31:31.000 Those are real places.

01:31:32.000 It's not a bad energy.

01:31:33.000 When you're there for two or three hours, it's nice to have a place to put your stuff in.

01:31:37.000 Yeah, but you know what?

01:31:38.000 Just go out and sit with the people at the bar. 0.99

01:31:40.000 Who gives a fuck? 0.99

01:31:40.000 Just go hang out with people. 0.99

01:31:41.000 That patio is so big, though.

01:31:43.000 You should just put a shed out there.

01:31:45.000 Or an Airstream.

01:31:46.000 What if you pulled up one of those trailers?

01:31:48.000 The Airstream trailer.

01:31:49.000 Yeah, that'd be badass.

01:31:50.000 But they need that patio because people can't smoke in the bars, right?

01:31:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:31:54.000 Isn't that the law?

01:31:55.000 You gotta go outside to smoke.

01:31:55.000 Isn't that the laws now?

01:31:56.000 Yeah.

01:31:57.000 Right, so you have to go outside to smoke.

01:31:59.000 Yeah, that law apparently is a big divider among the pool world.

01:32:04.000 Pool players are really upset.

01:32:06.000 Really?

01:32:06.000 Yeah, because a lot of guys, first of all, when they're gambling, they would just constantly be smoking.

01:32:10.000 Poker had the same problem.

01:32:11.000 Yeah.

01:32:12.000 They tried to get it out.

01:32:13.000 It was the last link to leave casinos was the poker area.

01:32:15.000 Yeah, I know for that breath that I just took, that was like a lot of guys, they needed that.

01:32:21.000 They needed that cigarette to calm them down while they're gambling.

01:32:24.000 I don't think they needed it.

01:32:24.000 I think they just got used to it.

01:32:25.000 I know they do.

01:32:26.000 They're resisting change.

01:32:27.000 But they're addicted.

01:32:28.000 And when they're addicted, yeah, you need it.

01:32:31.000 I've seen a lot of guys who just got really pissed off and they would start going to places that would allow smoking.

01:32:36.000 Yeah, because some guys would let you chain smoke. 0.91

01:32:37.000 So it's not like going outside.

01:32:38.000 I can't just keep going outside.

01:32:40.000 I just want to keep going.

01:32:41.000 The only way they can make that different is if you made it a private club.

01:32:45.000 I belong to a cigar club.

01:32:47.000 It's very halty-schmaltzy, me and my brother Matt.

01:32:50.000 And when we go, we can go and smoke cigars with all these people out in this place. 0.99

01:32:55.000 They have gourmet food, and we act like assholes. 0.99

01:32:57.000 Oh, that's nice. 1.00

01:32:58.000 Like bigwigs, you know? 0.99

01:32:59.000 Like you're some sort of a deal-maker.

01:33:01.000 I'm a deal-breaker!

01:33:03.000 Sell at 17. And it's kind of a crazy place because the girls are all really pretty and they're like scantily clad and they serve excellent food and there's all these rich guys out there.

01:33:12.000 You always see them like movie stars and shit. 0.97

01:33:14.000 But it's a club, you know, and you're allowed to smoke cigars at this club. 0.99

01:33:18.000 They should make a place where, you know, it's a comedy club.

01:33:20.000 Why don't they have pot rooms like this? 0.97

01:33:22.000 What's that?

01:33:23.000 Pot rooms.

01:33:24.000 That's exactly what I was going to say.

01:33:25.000 Where?

01:33:25.000 What's that one?

01:33:26.000 That one shut down because they got scared.

01:33:28.000 In Toronto.

01:33:29.000 Oh no, in Toronto, yeah.

01:33:30.000 Oh, the one here?

01:33:31.000 On Melrose.

01:33:32.000 On Melrose, they shut it down.

01:33:33.000 The back room?

01:33:34.000 They got scared?

01:33:35.000 Yeah, because when the shutdowns were starting, they were like, we don't want to take any chances.

01:33:38.000 Because people don't know how much you're allowed to get away with, so they're just guessing.

01:33:41.000 When the shutdown times are like, let's stop.

01:33:43.000 It was a hash bar.

01:33:43.000 It was so great.

01:33:44.000 It was a full hash bar.

01:33:46.000 People go there to write.

01:33:47.000 That guy came up to me a couple times when we were doing sales, and he asked me to do shows there, and I was like, you're going to jail.

01:33:53.000 Really?

01:33:54.000 Why?

01:33:55.000 If everyone's in there with a car, why does it matter?

01:33:58.000 Because there's the possibility, always, of federal intervention.

01:34:03.000 If the DEA is in town, because they're going to start cutting down...

01:34:06.000 But it was there anyway, even if they just have a regular pot room.

01:34:08.000 That was a hard room.

01:34:09.000 Yeah, but not that way.

01:34:11.000 But that's where people are going to be getting high.

01:34:13.000 Actually physically getting high.

01:34:15.000 And a lot of them, I guarantee you, are not going to be legal.

01:34:17.000 There's going to be a lot of sneaky hippies that, oh man, I didn't have the money to renew my card, man.

01:34:23.000 What's the hassle?

01:34:24.000 It should totally be legal anyway, man.

01:34:27.000 Nature gave me my license. 1.00

01:34:29.000 There's a few of those fuckers. 1.00

01:34:31.000 They're going to arrest them. 1.00

01:34:32.000 If you could be there doing a show while that goes down, You might go to jail, too.

01:34:36.000 Every time I want to wait when your car doesn't ever get renewed, let's say it ends May 1st, you're like, I'll just buy a bunch of weed April 29th, and that'll last me until June 30th.

01:34:44.000 But then you're like, what am I doing? 0.97

01:34:46.000 Well, I'm just trying to buy two months for the fucking $45 it costs. 0.97

01:34:48.000 It is beautiful that you could just go to a store and buy it. 0.98

01:34:50.000 Yeah, it really is.

01:34:52.000 I don't think that's going to go away now just because of the fact that...

01:34:55.000 We're too used to it.

01:34:55.000 We're a revolt now.

01:34:56.000 Yeah, and it has a big impact on the economy.

01:34:59.000 It's just the rest of the country really doesn't know that kind of freedom yet.

01:35:03.000 They don't know how easy it is to live like this.

01:35:06.000 It's so great.

01:35:07.000 It's great! 0.99

01:35:08.000 And people who think there's anything wrong with it, you're being silly. 0.99

01:35:12.000 It's drugs. 0.99

01:35:13.000 It's drugs.

01:35:13.000 That's not a good enough answer.

01:35:14.000 So is alcohol.

01:35:15.000 So is Adderall.

01:35:16.000 So is Adderall.

01:35:17.000 So is this coffee I'm drinking.

01:35:19.000 This is a drug.

01:35:19.000 My feeling is like, yeah, so it's a drug.

01:35:21.000 So is this Nuba ring I have in my bubble. 1.00

01:35:23.000 Do drugs.

01:35:24.000 Yeah, so what?

01:35:25.000 Do drugs all you want.

01:35:26.000 What's the difference?

01:35:27.000 These people are scared, Ari Shafir. 0.99

01:35:29.000 They're goddamn scared. 0.99

01:35:31.000 They're scared of the void. 1.00

01:35:32.000 Cigarettes have addictive nicotine in them.

01:35:34.000 And you shouldn't say like, well, just because they're doing something wrong, you should be allowed to, but like...

01:35:38.000 We are going to have to...

01:35:39.000 I was going to write this thing.

01:35:41.000 I wrote this whole thing about this Trayvon Martin thing when that kid got shot and there was all these people that were rallying one way or another.

01:35:49.000 My problem is nobody really knows what happened.

01:35:51.000 Exactly.

01:35:52.000 No one does know what happened.

01:35:53.000 But my feeling was like, man, when are we going to evolve past the point where that's even a concern?

01:36:00.000 Oh, yeah, exactly. 0.99

01:36:01.000 When are we going to evolve past the point where people are breaking into people's houses and stealing shit? 0.99

01:36:05.000 When are we going to evolve past the point where people are starting shit because they're packing a gun? 0.99

01:36:09.000 Is there ever going to come a time when that's the past? 0.96

01:36:13.000 We're not hacking each other with swords in the streets every day everywhere you live anymore.

01:36:17.000 Everything is getting radically improved.

01:36:21.000 Security and safety.

01:36:22.000 Radically improved.

01:36:23.000 Every city, all over the world.

01:36:25.000 We're animals here.

01:36:25.000 You know what they said?

01:36:27.000 They said they were in lines after the tsunami and the Japanese people were in lines waiting to get their food.

01:36:32.000 Someone said, it's so nice that you wait in lines here and it's so orderly.

01:36:35.000 And he was like, well, that's the only way it should be.

01:36:38.000 What are you talking about?

01:36:39.000 We've become such animals that we think that's great.

01:36:41.000 Well, we are a country without much history or tradition.

01:36:45.000 You know, we have a sort of a fake history and tradition.

01:36:48.000 We make a big deal out of our history.

01:36:49.000 You know, I'm American.

01:36:50.000 I know my history.

01:36:52.000 You know, what history?

01:36:53.000 A bunch of marauders.

01:36:54.000 The one of your great-great-grandfather starters? 1.00

01:36:55.000 Escapees from other countries that fucking came over here and tortured and killed all the natives. 1.00

01:37:00.000 Yeah, or you came later. 1.00

01:37:01.000 Fucked them over and... 0.98

01:37:02.000 Yeah, or you came later. 0.99

01:37:03.000 I'm proud of my history. 1.00

01:37:04.000 You're white trash. 1.00

01:37:05.000 That's not a history. 1.00

01:37:06.000 It's silly when you stop and think about, say, the history of China or the history of Japan, one country that's been in one place for thousands of years.

01:37:14.000 I mean, there's a true history to Japan, and there's a history of obedience, and there's a history of order and discipline, and the tradition of it is far stronger than it is in this country.

01:37:24.000 That's a fact.

01:37:25.000 Brian and I saw it when we went over there.

01:37:27.000 And I'm not saying that Japan is... 0.97

01:37:28.000 If I had to choose between living in Japan or living with Jamiroquai, I would say I'm going to live in Japan because I would kill that dude. 1.00

01:37:41.000 You wouldn't want to have him as a roommate. 0.99

01:37:44.000 Apparently he gets crazy.

01:37:45.000 I love his music though.

01:37:46.000 Don't get me wrong. 1.00

01:37:46.000 But apparently he gets crazy and throws punches at people and shit. 1.00

01:37:49.000 But Japan was so much more polite and orderly, and even like when we were at the... 0.99

01:37:55.000 They didn't understand us.

01:37:56.000 So when we were at the arena, once we got in and I showed them that I had a badge, they would like talk to my...

01:38:01.000 And I'd go, no, he's with me, he's with me.

01:38:05.000 They just let you go.

01:38:06.000 They just let you go.

01:38:08.000 I like that at some point where you're like, look, obviously you can lie to me if you want, but please don't do that.

01:38:12.000 I'll just check.

01:38:13.000 Yeah, there's a noticeable, and I'm not saying it's a perfect society or utopia or anything like that, but there's a noticeable leap up in impatience and a noticeable leap up in kindness and the way people interacted with people.

01:38:24.000 It was really interesting.

01:38:25.000 That's what happens when you have unfettered access to rapable Chinese women. 1.00

01:38:29.000 Is that what it is?

01:38:30.000 Yeah.

01:38:31.000 They just calm down?

01:38:32.000 They just calm down. 0.87

01:38:33.000 They go rape the inland and then go back and just be calm.

01:38:35.000 I'm going to go back to Japan soon.

01:38:38.000 I think me and Brad from Ustream are going to go.

01:38:40.000 Are you really going to go on a little vacation?

01:38:41.000 You and who?

01:38:42.000 Some guy you met online?

01:38:43.000 Yeah, they're going to get sexy.

01:38:45.000 Brad from Ustream has an office there, so he goes all the time.

01:38:48.000 So I'm thinking next time he goes, I might just go with him and just hang out.

01:38:51.000 Wow.

01:38:51.000 Yeah, well, I found it quite fascinating.

01:38:54.000 I mean, I've been to several different countries now, and it really does illuminate you.

01:38:59.000 You know, Ari and I went to Brazil recently, and we were sitting, it was like 7 o'clock in the morning, we may or may not have just smoked some weed, and we're sitting on this balcony overlooking this beach, and it's beautiful.

01:39:09.000 The sun was coming up.

01:39:10.000 The sun's coming up, and we were watching all these kids play and play soccer, and we were like, who does this in America at 7 a.m.?

01:39:18.000 Who does this?

01:39:18.000 They all just ran out there and started playing soccer and they're barefoot crossing the street.

01:39:21.000 Then these other kids got home from going out, but it was like...

01:39:24.000 They look like they're having a great time.

01:39:25.000 Yeah, they're still out where they're holding their shoes.

01:39:28.000 Everyone's just out.

01:39:29.000 I don't think Brazil is better than America or America is better than Brazil, but I know that that way of living is better than the way that most people here live.

01:39:38.000 I heard a quote recently.

01:39:40.000 I think it was Mark Twain, but Johnny Pemberton told me.

01:39:42.000 He goes, it was, comparison is a death of joy.

01:39:47.000 Wow.

01:39:47.000 It's like, who cares about better or worse?

01:39:49.000 I'll just tell you what the nice things we saw.

01:39:50.000 That's beautiful.

01:39:51.000 Yeah.

01:39:52.000 Do you know in Japan that the government pays your electricity?

01:39:55.000 They pay a lot of things. 0.97

01:39:56.000 I wonder if that's going to change now that their power plants are fucking melting into the earth. 0.74

01:40:00.000 Or maybe if they just started charging for it and they could have a better profit to make sure this doesn't happen in the future. 0.81

01:40:06.000 I wonder if that's even an issue.

01:40:07.000 Make more profit from it.

01:40:08.000 What do you mean?

01:40:08.000 What would that do?

01:40:09.000 They're fucked, Brian. 1.00

01:40:10.000 They have a real problem with those three reactors. 1.00

01:40:13.000 How would the problem have solved it?

01:40:13.000 Possibly a fourth.

01:40:15.000 How would the profits have solved the meltdown? 1.00

01:40:17.000 Well, because obviously it seems like their shit was built like retarded style. 1.00

01:40:22.000 If they had some more intelligent people going, wait a second, you should not build it so it only goes to a 7.0 magnitude quake? 1.00

01:40:33.000 They had it up to an 8.2, I believe.

01:40:35.000 But it was even larger than that.

01:40:37.000 It was like a 9. Why don't you make that shit 20? 1.00

01:40:40.000 Well, I don't think they can. 1.00

01:40:42.000 The reality is...

01:40:44.000 You're right.

01:40:44.000 Just go deeper.

01:40:46.000 Didn't we just talk about this the other day?

01:40:48.000 This is my take on the craziness of nuclear power, was that it's only been around for less than 100 years.

01:40:56.000 And think about it, 100 years, all the different huge cataclysmic disasters.

01:41:00.000 From Chernobyl to Three Mile Island to this one in Fukushima.

01:41:05.000 This is three giant, huge ones that have taken place, and it's only been in less than 100 years.

01:41:11.000 How long is nuclear power?

01:41:13.000 Thank you, sir.

01:41:13.000 How long is nuclear powerful?

01:41:15.000 C2O coconut water.

01:41:16.000 My favorite.

01:41:16.000 It's delicious.

01:41:17.000 It comes from Thailand.

01:41:19.000 It tastes so good, you think that it's got sugar in it. 1.00

01:41:21.000 And I even asked them, I go, you got sugar in this shit, bitch? 1.00

01:41:23.000 They sell it on Instagram. 1.00

01:41:23.000 - We might have just set it up. 1.00

01:41:25.000 - Yeah, sure.

01:41:26.000 - Yeah.

01:41:27.000 - That's their ad-free ads.

01:41:29.000 - Where were we before we went on the coconut round? 1.00

01:41:30.000 - The nuclear-- - Yeah, the real issue is they don't know how to shut these fucking things off. 0.99

01:41:36.000 And that's terrifying. 0.96

01:41:37.000 It's terrifying that they're willing to build something that they don't have an out clause with.

01:41:42.000 They were just hoping to keep the power on so they can keep it cooled off.

01:41:46.000 Germany wants to be without nuclear power in 20, 40 years.

01:41:49.000 I think Norway has moved towards that as well.

01:41:52.000 There's been a couple of European countries that are considering this now.

01:41:54.000 They realize, first of all, they're very small.

01:41:56.000 A lot of European countries think about the impact of one nuclear power plant or two would have had on them.

01:42:02.000 Japan is very small and they're seeing the impact of the radiation pretty far.

01:42:06.000 Isn't there some kind of... 1.00

01:42:08.000 This is another O'Brien dumb shit thing. 1.00

01:42:10.000 Isn't there some kind of metal? 1.00

01:42:12.000 Take another chance.

01:42:14.000 Isn't there some kind of metal that they can almost just coat the whole entire reactor?

01:42:17.000 It's too hot.

01:42:18.000 Like pewter.

01:42:19.000 It's too hot.

01:42:20.000 Everything's going to melt in it.

01:42:22.000 Everything's going to melt. 1.00

01:42:22.000 It's a goddamn nuclear reactor. 1.00

01:42:25.000 I don't understand nuclear science enough to comment on it, but from what I understand, they literally can't cool this thing off. 0.99

01:42:30.000 And they don't know what to do.

01:42:31.000 And they're pouring ocean water on it to try to cool off the reactors.

01:42:34.000 They've eaten through their containment.

01:42:36.000 They don't know where it's going to go as far as how much it's going to impact the soil.

01:42:39.000 They've never really had one meltdown like this before, let alone three meltdown in one area in Japan.

01:42:45.000 They've never had this.

01:42:46.000 So they've got to learn from what happened in Chernobyl. 0.96

01:42:49.000 I don't know if Chernobyl's damage was as bad as this one is, but it's pretty fucking significant.

01:42:54.000 And the scary thing, again, is that there's several of these things all over the place. 0.90

01:42:58.000 I shouldn't say several.

01:42:59.000 There's hundreds of them all over the world.

01:43:01.000 And if these reactors keep fucking up in different spots of the world, we're going to have giant areas of our world that's contaminated and dead for hundreds of thousands of years.

01:43:12.000 And that's the reality that we're operating under and living under right now. 0.87

01:43:16.000 While you and I are sitting here talking on this laptop, and our information is being passed through the internet, there's lights that are on, and you're going to get in your car and you're going to go, and electricity is going to fucking power that gas meter when you pump gas at the gas station, and there's going to be an electron. 0.99

01:43:31.000 All that shit is nuclear power, son. 0.99

01:43:33.000 All that shit is built on the back of insanity. 1.00

01:43:37.000 Our entire civilization runs on an insane idea that we're going to take and we're going to make a nuclear reaction. 1.00

01:43:44.000 We're going to make a fucking reactor. 0.95

01:43:46.000 And we're going to use this insanely hot thing to burn water and create steam. 0.98

01:43:51.000 And the steam is going to power and make electricity.

01:43:55.000 It's nuts! 0.99

01:43:56.000 It's fucking crazy! 0.99

01:43:57.000 And it's how the whole country works. 0.99

01:43:59.000 The whole country is essentially almost primarily on coal and nuclear power.

01:44:02.000 So it's either giant fires or it's...

01:44:05.000 Real stuff what?

01:44:06.000 There's a few places that have windmill fields.

01:44:09.000 And then dams, right?

01:44:10.000 Yeah, dams can generate some electricity.

01:44:12.000 But there's a lot of it that's nuclear.

01:44:14.000 A lot!

01:44:14.000 Have you ever been to that windmill fields that's right outside of Los Angeles, going up...

01:44:20.000 Oh, yeah.

01:44:20.000 The grapevine, the grapevine.

01:44:22.000 Yeah, at night, just thousands of these red dots. 0.98

01:44:25.000 I had no idea what it was, and I'm just driving going, what the fuck was that? 0.99

01:44:29.000 Holy shit, what is this? 0.99

01:44:30.000 We've done a few fear factors out there. 0.99

01:44:31.000 Oh yeah, it's cool.

01:44:32.000 And those fan things are so slim that you're like, what?

01:44:36.000 How does this do anything?

01:44:37.000 It's so small. 0.99

01:44:38.000 And again, steel cable fucking everywhere! 0.99

01:44:40.000 Wait, Brian, how does your brain work where we were on a conversation about nuclear power and stuff, and you asked about the safety of nuclear power? 0.99

01:44:48.000 How would that be an O'Brien moment?

01:44:51.000 You were completely staying on topic and not making a joke.

01:44:54.000 No, because I was talking about pouring metal on top of a whole factory.

01:44:57.000 Locking it down in a big metal box.

01:44:59.000 You know those little toys you used to buy when you were a kid, like those little pewter toys, like whatever that is, if you poured like a billion gallons of that.

01:45:06.000 Well, I think the real issue is they can't cool it down.

01:45:10.000 Ever?

01:45:11.000 It's going to take forever.

01:45:12.000 How does other nuclear plants cool down?

01:45:14.000 They use a nuclear power to cool it down?

01:45:16.000 A lot of what's going on in a nuclear power plant is keeping it stable and making sure that there's not what's called a meltdown.

01:45:24.000 I don't understand it enough to be just talking in vague terms.

01:45:27.000 But what happened with Fukushima was the earthquake and tsunami and flooding and everything fucked up their backup generator.

01:45:34.000 So they had nothing.

01:45:35.000 They had nothing to keep it powered.

01:45:37.000 So they had essentially eight hours before there was a meltdown.

01:45:40.000 So there's eight hours where they could just evacuate the area and run.

01:45:43.000 Have the cancer started yet?

01:45:44.000 I don't know, but I'm sure.

01:45:46.000 It will soon.

01:45:47.000 There's bunnies that have been born with no ears.

01:45:49.000 There's weird mutants that are starting to appear in the animal world.

01:45:52.000 Oh yeah, there's the fish.

01:45:52.000 You see the fish things?

01:45:53.000 They're just hanging out with me and Joe.

01:45:54.000 Fish are born with non-working eyes.

01:45:56.000 Oh Jesus.

01:45:56.000 What?

01:45:57.000 Just hanging out with me and Joe.

01:45:58.000 You probably have whatever we have now.

01:46:00.000 Yeah, we're going to Japan.

01:46:02.000 Like Fantastic Four.

01:46:03.000 I was going to not eat the sushi over there, but it looks so delicious.

01:46:06.000 I was like, whatever, let's let it ride.

01:46:08.000 Yeah, that lasted a half hour.

01:46:10.000 I think we were talking about how we weren't going to eat anything.

01:46:13.000 People are dying over there.

01:46:13.000 Alright, I'll just have 12. I'll just have 25 of them.

01:46:16.000 Sushi looked great and everybody looked healthy.

01:46:19.000 Cancer has no look.

01:46:21.000 We were just talking, you and I were, about Mad Cow.

01:46:24.000 They just found another episode of Mad Cow.

01:46:27.000 In SoCal.

01:46:27.000 Yeah.

01:46:28.000 They said the only reason they found it is because they had random testing.

01:46:30.000 Jesus Christ.

01:46:31.000 Didn't have the symptoms at all.

01:46:34.000 It was an irritable...

01:46:35.000 Yeah, no, but they said they act a certain way.

01:46:37.000 Dude, it's so scary.

01:46:38.000 They're feeding cows cows. 1.00

01:46:40.000 Mad cow disease comes from them taking cows and then butchering them and then grinding up their brain matter and all sorts of shit. 1.00

01:46:46.000 Whatever's left over. 0.99

01:46:47.000 And using it for a protein base that they feed to other cows. 1.00

01:46:51.000 And mix it in with the grains.

01:46:53.000 Cows aren't supposed to eat cows, by the way. 1.00

01:46:55.000 So why are they doing this?

01:46:56.000 Really?

01:46:56.000 Just to save money?

01:46:57.000 Yes, exactly.

01:46:57.000 To save money.

01:46:58.000 Because it makes more effective feed. 1.00

01:47:00.000 You can force the cows to eat that shit, and they will eat it and stay alive. 1.00

01:47:03.000 And they get all fat and fucked up. 1.00

01:47:05.000 And they get essentially what's called Jacob's Krutzfeld disease, which is the same disease that savages and cannibals in New Guinea get. 0.99

01:47:13.000 Where do they get?

01:47:14.000 The shakes?

01:47:14.000 They get this terrible neurological disorder from eating human brain.

01:47:18.000 Because you're programmed to not eat, not supposed to eat that other.

01:47:21.000 Exactly. 1.00

01:47:22.000 It's a fucking trick by nature to make sure the cannibals don't survive. 1.00

01:47:25.000 But if a lion ate human brain, he'd be fine. 1.00

01:47:27.000 No problem.

01:47:28.000 Unless the lion ate a human who had Jacob's Kreutzfeldt disease.

01:47:32.000 And then he would get that?

01:47:33.000 Because then he could get it because he could get it from what are called prions.

01:47:36.000 And that's the concern with people eating beef that came from England during a certain period of time when mad cow disease was running rampant.

01:47:43.000 The idea is that You could have possibly gotten this Jacobs-Cruzard disease.

01:47:47.000 Had people started showing symptoms of that ever?

01:47:50.000 Some people have.

01:47:50.000 Yeah, sure.

01:47:51.000 People have died from mad cow disease.

01:47:52.000 It's no joke.

01:47:53.000 And then the Prime Minister of England was trying to say, remember that?

01:47:55.000 He was trying to say it's safe now.

01:47:56.000 So he fed a burger to his daughter on TV. Jesus Christ.

01:47:59.000 This is how safe I think it is.

01:48:01.000 Eat this burger.

01:48:01.000 Jesus Christ.

01:48:02.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:48:03.000 That's Game of Thrones type shit. 1.00

01:48:05.000 Crazy asshole. 1.00

01:48:07.000 It's, you know, it's amazing that they're so greedy and stinky and disgusting that they've actually decided that there's a good way to save money. 1.00

01:48:14.000 Feed cows cows. 0.98

01:48:15.000 You know, I mean, it's just a cunty decision.

01:48:18.000 Just the worst decision. 0.99

01:48:19.000 With any company that makes that decision, the government should come in like stormtroopers and close their fucking shop down and make it a socialist place. 0.99

01:48:27.000 They should take over and feed the cows only grass. 0.99

01:48:30.000 Burger King's going to... 0.95

01:48:31.000 That's how bad I feel about it.

01:48:33.000 ...to Safe Chickens and something else by 2017. Safe Chickens?

01:48:38.000 No, not safe.

01:48:39.000 Free Range.

01:48:39.000 Free Range Chickens?

01:48:40.000 That's awesome.

01:48:41.000 So it's going to be more expensive, but...

01:48:43.000 Maybe. 0.99

01:48:44.000 Or maybe they're just like, fuck it, we'll lose a little more money. 1.00

01:48:46.000 We won't make as much. 0.99

01:48:47.000 Definitions of Free Range, I bet, are pretty sloppy.

01:48:49.000 I bet Free Range is that they're not in cages.

01:48:51.000 They're in a giant pit.

01:48:53.000 That's probably what it is.

01:48:54.000 It looks like it's moving.

01:48:56.000 Yeah, that's Free Range.

01:48:57.000 By the way, I've never gone to Diaz's house...

01:48:59.000 And look through the screen door.

01:49:01.000 The cats move all at once sometimes.

01:49:03.000 It just looks like the floor is moving.

01:49:05.000 It looks like they're migrating.

01:49:07.000 Dude, Diaz is living in a crazy environment.

01:49:09.000 They rock like birds?

01:49:10.000 Yeah, it's like 12. It's like a bunch of them.

01:49:12.000 Does he have 12 now?

01:49:13.000 I think it's something like that.

01:49:14.000 I think it's 12. I have an idea because I need to get rid of one of my cats because it just doesn't work well with my dog and the other cat hates it too.

01:49:22.000 So it's just miserable.

01:49:23.000 So I want to find like an old lady to give it to him. 0.99

01:49:25.000 But I was thinking about just like taking it over to his house and just kind of like throwing it into the mix.

01:49:30.000 Why don't you pawn it off on one of your ex-girlfriends? 1.00

01:49:32.000 They've pawned off dogs and cats on you.

01:49:35.000 Yeah, I should.

01:49:36.000 No, that's an old cat.

01:49:38.000 That's what grandmothers are for, but unfortunately all my grandmothers are dead, but I used to always give them my cat.

01:49:42.000 Here's what you gotta do, take a dictionary and just slam that skull.

01:49:46.000 Giving you their cats.

01:49:47.000 Old people need animals. 1.00

01:49:50.000 Yeah.

01:49:51.000 Companionship, right?

01:49:51.000 Yes.

01:49:52.000 I think companionship is fucking for sure. 0.99

01:49:54.000 So if anyone in Los Angeles is old and needs a companion. 0.99

01:49:57.000 Take your old cat.

01:49:57.000 If you're hot.

01:49:58.000 Shitty old cat.

01:49:59.000 First call me and then I'll see you.

01:50:00.000 How much longer is that cat going to live? 0.77

01:50:01.000 You hope it dies, right?

01:50:02.000 I think it's like six more years, I would say. 0.99

01:50:04.000 Do you come up going, are you dead?

01:50:06.000 No, you're not.

01:50:08.000 What?

01:50:08.000 Do you ever hope he dies?

01:50:10.000 I don't hope any animal dies, but it is...

01:50:13.000 Sort of.

01:50:14.000 You wouldn't be upset.

01:50:14.000 It is a miserable cat right now, and I feel really shitty for even trying to give it a happy life right now.

01:50:22.000 Why is it so miserable? 0.75

01:50:23.000 Because you've got a second cat?

01:50:25.000 Because I have a second cat and a dog, and both of them... 1.00

01:50:27.000 Fuck with it. 1.00

01:50:28.000 Those two love each other, and they're like a gang, and they're just like, fuck this other cat, you know? 1.00

01:50:33.000 And the other cat's the original one. 0.99

01:50:35.000 The original one. 1.00

01:50:36.000 And it's like, damn, bitch! 1.00

01:50:37.000 You've created a gang war in your own house. 1.00

01:50:38.000 You've got bullies.

01:50:39.000 In your own house.

01:50:41.000 Meanwhile, you're supposed to get rid of the other two.

01:50:43.000 You're supposed to get rid of the cat and the dog.

01:50:44.000 Yeah, but they pay me off.

01:50:45.000 Keep the original.

01:50:46.000 They pay you off?

01:50:46.000 They pay me off.

01:50:47.000 Really?

01:50:47.000 And what?

01:50:48.000 Kisses and attention?

01:50:49.000 Yeah.

01:50:50.000 You need that now and then ever.

01:50:51.000 One eats my poop, so he never poops in the house because he just eats it right away so he doesn't have to clean it up.

01:50:55.000 Don't ask him because it's going to be something like this.

01:51:00.000 He picks up after himself. 0.99

01:51:01.000 He shits and then eats it back up. 0.97

01:51:02.000 He never has to clean his poop up. 0.99

01:51:04.000 Does he really?

01:51:04.000 Yeah.

01:51:05.000 No, he does not. 0.99

01:51:06.000 So disgusting. 0.57

01:51:07.000 Yeah, but he never cleaned poop up off the floor. 0.66

01:51:10.000 Are you kidding?

01:51:11.000 Are you joking around right now?

01:51:12.000 I hope you are.

01:51:13.000 No, I'm not.

01:51:14.000 You leave that thing in and it doesn't have... 1.00

01:51:15.000 It can't shit, so it just shits on the ground. 0.99

01:51:17.000 No, it uses a poop pad. 1.00

01:51:19.000 And it eats its own shit? 1.00

01:51:20.000 Huh? 1.00

01:51:20.000 And it eats its own shit? 1.00

01:51:21.000 It loves its own shit. 1.00

01:51:23.000 Stop it. 1.00

01:51:23.000 It's a human shitipede of a dog. 1.00

01:51:26.000 It does not eat its own.

01:51:27.000 A lot?

01:51:28.000 Like all of it?

01:51:28.000 Or just lick at it?

01:51:29.000 You want to bet?

01:51:29.000 Wait, is it just lick at it?

01:51:30.000 Or is it all of it?

01:51:32.000 Every time I come down, it looks like he ate a nice cookie.

01:51:34.000 There's little crumbs of his own poop everywhere.

01:51:36.000 Oh, dude. 0.98

01:51:37.000 How is that not incredibly disgusting to you? 0.71

01:51:39.000 Because I... Hold on. 0.91

01:51:41.000 Maybe he's just shitting out of his mouth when you're not looking. 0.99

01:51:43.000 I put Listerine strips in his mouth and I... No, you don't. 0.52

01:51:47.000 I have this dog spray stuff for dog breaths.

01:51:51.000 Ari, save this conversation, please. 0.98

01:51:53.000 Are you going to do shooting fests this year?

01:51:55.000 If I can.

01:51:56.000 Allegedly?

01:51:57.000 Allegedly.

01:51:58.000 I have to find out where I am, what part of the world...

01:52:00.000 Yeah.

01:52:01.000 I made it Mondays just for comedians.

01:52:04.000 When I block out an amount of time like that, it's very selfish because I'm a father.

01:52:09.000 I can smoke pot and be functional, but I have to be real particular about where I do shrooms. 0.95

01:52:15.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:52:16.000 It's got to make it work. 0.99

01:52:18.000 I tell you, the last time I did it, man, I was convinced I'm never going to do this shit ever again. 0.98

01:52:23.000 I'm like, you know what? 0.98

01:52:24.000 Well, I've done it since I was a young person, and then I stopped for seven years.

01:52:29.000 And then I always thought in that seven-year time, I'm like, you know what?

01:52:32.000 I've done everything I needed to do with that. 1.00

01:52:34.000 That's stupid now. 0.97

01:52:36.000 But then I started dating younger girls, and then I had to re-go through all their drug experiences, and now I'm back into how I was when I was 21 again. 0.99

01:52:44.000 Well, I think it's all about the intent.

01:52:47.000 What are you trying to accomplish out of using it?

01:52:50.000 Are you trying to find something out about yourself?

01:52:52.000 Are you trying to have a spiritual journey that you go on?

01:52:54.000 Have a better concert. 0.98

01:52:55.000 Yeah, or are you just trying to play and party and get fucked up and say, I can't believe what I took. 0.99

01:53:02.000 Whoa, I took so much! 1.00

01:53:03.000 Because I think a lot of times when you do that and you don't go into a trip, you can take a mushroom trip for granted, and a mushroom trip can kick your fucking ass. 1.00

01:53:12.000 Yeah, that can be just fun, too, though. 1.00

01:53:14.000 Sure.

01:53:14.000 You can't just go to a concert or go do something.

01:53:17.000 It depends on the quantity, the quantity, food, how much food you ate, the quantity, who you're with, where your state of mind is.

01:53:24.000 You want to be with people you like.

01:53:26.000 Yeah, and you can get away with doing mushrooms, but when you do big doses like you did, you did a giant dose.

01:53:32.000 Yeah, that's a lot. 0.98

01:53:33.000 I firmly believe that you should be prepared for a fucking journey through space when you do that. 0.97

01:53:39.000 I mean, you should be someone who's been going to yoga class. 0.99

01:53:41.000 You should be someone who can sit down.

01:53:43.000 I think that's an overdose amount.

01:53:45.000 There is such thing as overdose amount, meaning your body...

01:53:48.000 Well, we just went over that with the rats.

01:53:50.000 Well, the body immediately rejects any of it, even a small amount.

01:53:54.000 It's like your body's like, no!

01:53:56.000 No!

01:53:56.000 Get this out of me!

01:53:57.000 An overdose?

01:53:58.000 Yeah, you're reacting to that stuff, to that poison.

01:54:00.000 The thing about mushrooms is it's not poison.

01:54:03.000 What's going to jack you is like, it's like saying salt is poison. 1.00

01:54:06.000 Salt isn't poison, but if you eat a pound of it, you're fucking dead. 1.00

01:54:09.000 It's a thorn. 0.98

01:54:09.000 Yeah, mushrooms are, the psychoactive ingredients in mushrooms, it mimics human neurochemistry. 0.98

01:54:16.000 That's why it's so powerful.

01:54:17.000 What mushrooms is, what psilocybin is, I don't know how to say it exactly, but something like 4-phosphoroxy-NN-dimethyltryptamine.

01:54:25.000 And NN-dimethyltryptamine is actually made by the human brain.

01:54:28.000 So it's dimethyltryptamine plus something else.

01:54:31.000 And it's some weird phosphorus something or another molecule attached to it somehow or another that makes it different.

01:54:36.000 But whatever it is, it's so close to human neurochemistry, it's not really a poison. 0.95

01:54:40.000 It's just some weird fucking side venture that you can take your mind on. 0.91

01:54:45.000 So the danger is only in like spectacular doses to actually worry about poisoning yourself. 0.99

01:54:51.000 If you take three grams, you're fine.

01:54:53.000 Yeah, you could take a lot.

01:54:55.000 I mean, I know I've heard many people that took 5 and 10 grams.

01:54:59.000 I've heard 10 grams from many different people, and they are fine. 0.99

01:55:03.000 I mean, they're scared as fuck. 0.99

01:55:05.000 And when they come out of it, I mean, they shot through the middle of the fucking rabbit hole and came back with Robert Lewis. 0.99

01:55:11.000 What was the guy's name? 0.99

01:55:12.000 That's about what you took, Brian.

01:55:13.000 10 grams.

01:55:14.000 10 grams?

01:55:14.000 It's about 10 grams, yeah.

01:55:15.000 Robert Lewis Stevenson from Looking Glass.

01:55:17.000 Yeah, is he the one who wrote Alice in Wonderland?

01:55:20.000 Let's just go with it.

01:55:21.000 It doesn't seem like Lewis Carroll though, isn't it?

01:55:23.000 Yeah, Lewis Carroll.

01:55:24.000 That's who it is.

01:55:25.000 Lewis Carroll.

01:55:26.000 Robert Louis Stevenson.

01:55:27.000 Multiply that times a million.

01:55:28.000 Battleship.

01:55:28.000 I mean, all that stuff was, that was all psychedelic inspired, I'm sure.

01:55:32.000 All of his, I mean, wasn't it supposed to be about acid?

01:55:34.000 It's supposed to be about that.

01:55:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:55:36.000 You could take enough mushrooms or you could fucking lose your mind, for sure. 1.00

01:55:40.000 But that's super, super high. 0.99

01:55:42.000 No one who's listening to this is going to take that much.

01:55:45.000 My legs did not work.

01:55:46.000 I fell to the ground.

01:55:47.000 My legs don't work, he thought, as he's walking down the street.

01:55:50.000 My legs didn't work.

01:55:51.000 No, I mean, I fell to the ground and I could not stand up.

01:55:55.000 That's not a good example for the youth of America.

01:55:57.000 No, and I don't think that's anything that people should try unless they do a shitload of research and make sure they're safe and good age.

01:56:03.000 That was 10 grams.

01:56:04.000 What's that?

01:56:05.000 That was 10 grams.

01:56:05.000 That was that?

01:56:06.000 That was when I took a quarter and an eighth, whatever that is.

01:56:10.000 We're the kids in America.

01:56:12.000 Whoa.

01:56:12.000 We're the kids in America.

01:56:14.000 Whoa.

01:56:15.000 Everybody laugh for the music.

01:56:17.000 Oh, man.

01:56:18.000 Na-na-na-na.

01:56:20.000 Na-na-na-na-na-na.

01:56:23.000 The youth of America, they deserve better than that, Brian.

01:56:28.000 You're a leader at this point.

01:56:29.000 I think you need to step up.

01:56:31.000 I'll have it on here.

01:56:32.000 Don't do it. 0.75

01:56:32.000 Stop having your legs fall apart, son. 0.75

01:56:35.000 Don't do it.

01:56:35.000 How many grams do you think you did when you had this spectacular trip?

01:56:38.000 Ten.

01:56:39.000 Quarter and eight.

01:56:40.000 That's what it comes out to.

01:56:41.000 Ten to eleven.

01:56:42.000 Ten to eleven grams.

01:56:43.000 Ten to eleven grams.

01:56:43.000 This is crazy.

01:56:44.000 What was the most memorable part of it?

01:56:47.000 My hand turning into pyramids, gold pyramids.

01:56:50.000 Wow.

01:56:50.000 Nice.

01:56:52.000 When I puked, it was all colors and it turned into trees.

01:56:56.000 Whoa.

01:56:57.000 And then it felt like there was trees going in my mouth and stuff.

01:57:02.000 Trees going into your mouth?

01:57:03.000 Wow.

01:57:04.000 The walls were made out of Legos and they were just falling down.

01:57:07.000 Wow. 0.99

01:57:08.000 It was fucking crazy. 0.98

01:57:09.000 And now what thoughts did you have while all this was going on? 0.99

01:57:13.000 Olive Garden.

01:57:13.000 I ate too much.

01:57:14.000 I poisoned.

01:57:15.000 Why aren't my legs working?

01:57:17.000 I'm puking.

01:57:18.000 Were you paranoid?

01:57:18.000 Here's what I tell freaking out.

01:57:19.000 I wasn't really paranoid.

01:57:20.000 It was more like something.

01:57:21.000 I've never had my legs never work.

01:57:23.000 I've never had body.

01:57:24.000 Like I've shroomed a hundred times plus and I've never had it where like my body wouldn't work.

01:57:29.000 So you were just so bonkered out that you literally couldn't figure out how to use things.

01:57:32.000 I guess so.

01:57:34.000 Were you laughing?

01:57:34.000 I mean I recorded myself and I talked like I was fine and I felt like I knew what was going on but it was more of like I felt like a poisoned...

01:57:44.000 What's like the best thing you ever learned from a trip?

01:57:47.000 Have you ever come out of a trip and had like, this is like a real solid revelation?

01:57:54.000 I always have revelations every single time.

01:57:58.000 Like, the last one I did, which was...

01:58:01.000 I did in a shitty hotel room, and I did a whole podcast with the other girl I did it with, and it's on Death Squad, but...

01:58:07.000 What is it called?

01:58:07.000 How do people find it?

01:58:08.000 It's just go there and type in...

01:58:11.000 It's on the front page of DeathSquad.tv, and it's like...

01:58:13.000 Right, but for now, people might be listening to this 100 years from now.

01:58:17.000 Okay, hold on.

01:58:18.000 I'll tell you in a sec while I'm telling you.

01:58:19.000 I doubt it, but...

01:58:20.000 Hopefully...

01:58:22.000 They found something cooler than iPhones or iPods.

01:58:27.000 What's her name?

01:58:28.000 I did it with my friend Pamela Walt and Amy Hawthorne, and we just went to this really, really, really, really shitty hotel in a really scary place.

01:58:37.000 What's the name of it?

01:58:38.000 Motel 6. No, I mean the podcast.

01:58:41.000 That I would advise against, by the way, is going to a place that's like a shitty environment. 0.68

01:58:45.000 Death Squad number 18. And who were the people on it?

01:58:49.000 It's just me and Pamela Walt.

01:58:52.000 It was her first time doing Mushrooms, and she just got over having cancer in her crotch. 0.78

01:59:00.000 Whoa! 0.78

01:59:00.000 She's homeless. 0.78

01:59:02.000 She goes from couch to couch.

01:59:04.000 She just has had so much...

01:59:07.000 Most of her life, she had such bad social anxiety that she would never even talk to anyone.

01:59:13.000 And then recently, she started getting better with the help of actually Adderall, believe it or not.

01:59:18.000 And so now she's actually being able to function and talk to people, which is something that she...

01:59:23.000 It's like being reborn as an adult.

01:59:25.000 So does she like the mushroom trope?

01:59:27.000 She had the most fabulous, wonderful time. 0.99

01:59:30.000 She found all these things and it was just the most ideal thing ever in a shitty, shitty, shitty situation. 0.97

01:59:38.000 It's amazing how the same stuff, the same batch of the same drug. 0.97

01:59:42.000 It's not like you got a bad batch.

01:59:43.000 Just some people have a good trip and every once in a while somebody has a bad trip.

01:59:45.000 I think a lot of it is what's going on in your head.

01:59:47.000 There's been points in times in my life where I was teetering on a bad state of mind.

01:59:54.000 But if you listen to the thing, there was a reason I was forced into this bad situation.

01:59:59.000 Because I went from being like, alright, Right.

02:00:12.000 Right.

02:00:13.000 And then immediately started realizing like wait a second. 0.99

02:00:16.000 We don't want to be here for six hours trapped in this room I need to be a babysitter because this might be really bad That's some like fear and loathing in the middle of the desert type shit. 0.99

02:00:25.000 Yeah That's funny. 0.99

02:00:26.000 It can be worried.

02:00:27.000 Dude, you should totally write about that and that should be part of your act on stage.

02:00:31.000 That's actually kind of funny.

02:00:32.000 I need to figure it out.

02:00:33.000 That's a funny idea for a bit, dude. 0.92

02:00:35.000 About getting fucked up on mushrooms in the wrong hotel. 0.90

02:00:38.000 It was bad because every time I wanted to go have a cigarette I had to go outside and one time there was this black dude that was running really fast then he hid behind a wall and he looked out and he looked right at me and I'm like, oh shit, I saw him. 0.98

02:00:48.000 And then he started running as fast as he can. 0.93

02:00:50.000 He was I'm absolutely hiding from somebody.

02:00:52.000 What neighborhood was this?

02:00:53.000 It was in this weird place in Ventura.

02:00:55.000 It was really bad.

02:00:56.000 Maybe he was on mushrooms too.

02:00:58.000 Maybe.

02:00:58.000 But I would go out and have a cigarette and I started like, I had this cell phone case that had all these little diamonds on it, kind of like these little gem cells.

02:01:06.000 Bedazzled?

02:01:06.000 Yeah, bedazzled.

02:01:07.000 And so I started like leaving them everywhere I would walk just so I would have proof if they have to find me.

02:01:14.000 I was doing breadcrumbs.

02:01:15.000 Your mind can definitely wander on a bad situation where it makes it seem way worse while you're on mushrooms.

02:01:21.000 Right.

02:01:21.000 And then there was a fire alarm outside of our door and I'm like, that's the emergency thing.

02:01:25.000 If anything happens, if we get robbed or something, I'm pulling that.

02:01:30.000 That's how scary this hotel was.

02:01:31.000 But I made myself puke, but it was too late.

02:01:34.000 I would think it would be so funny if you grabbed that and pulled it and it's silence.

02:01:37.000 I know.

02:01:38.000 It just falls off and there's drugs in it.

02:01:40.000 Puking happens sometimes, but you've got to do that within the first 30 minutes.

02:01:43.000 I tried to, and it was the only time I've never...

02:01:45.000 You're already tripping up 30 minutes in that hard?

02:01:47.000 I hadn't eaten the whole day or the night before.

02:01:49.000 I actually had my finger down my throat and never have done that successfully in my whole entire life and made myself puke it up.

02:01:56.000 I've got to pee.

02:01:57.000 And I started tripping.

02:01:58.000 How long into this was that?

02:02:00.000 About 30 minutes.

02:02:01.000 Wait, why'd you start?

02:02:01.000 If you just started tripping afterwards, why'd you make yourself throw up?

02:02:04.000 No, it was happening while I was puking.

02:02:06.000 All that stuff where you started feeling terrible and stuff was happening as you started tripping?

02:02:10.000 No, this is my latest trip when I tripped in a hotel room.

02:02:15.000 After I ate, I started noticing how bad this hotel was. 0.99

02:02:18.000 Like we opened up the sheets and there was like fucking mess shit in there and there was like a stain that was on each side of the sheets. 1.00

02:02:25.000 Oh yeah, it was a gross hotel. 0.99

02:02:26.000 And yeah, there was just people outside that were like, it was scary.

02:02:31.000 Like the cops came at one point and busted up this huge gang.

02:02:33.000 Cops aren't good to see when you're on mushrooms.

02:02:35.000 Even though they can't tell, they don't know anything, you're still like, ugh, cops, this means weird, this means bad things.

02:02:39.000 When Pam was checking into the hotel, somebody crashed through the office in their car.

02:02:44.000 Why'd you go there?

02:02:46.000 I didn't go there.

02:02:47.000 I met them there, and then I ran up to the room thinking, oh, this is cool.

02:02:51.000 And then right after I ate, because I was trying to catch up, because they were already eating.

02:02:54.000 Wait, somebody crashed through the window with their car?

02:02:56.000 When they checked in, somebody crashed their car into the office.

02:02:59.000 So, like, the wall was broken open?

02:03:00.000 Yeah.

02:03:01.000 And you're like, Dom, okay, here's my credit card information.

02:03:04.000 This should be secure.

02:03:04.000 Sounds great.

02:03:05.000 I didn't do it.

02:03:05.000 But yeah, it was a shroom of hell.

02:03:10.000 But while she was having the same exact opposite.

02:03:12.000 So it's interesting.

02:03:13.000 We just talked for like two hours about...

02:03:14.000 You can let yourself get in a bad place.

02:03:16.000 My friend took it once with a guy he's barely new and a girl he sort of liked.

02:03:20.000 And it was just one of the worst trips for him because he said he was worried about his behavior in front of certain people.

02:03:25.000 And that worrying puts you in a bad position.

02:03:27.000 Yeah, that's one of the things about ecstasy that's so cool.

02:03:30.000 You could do it with anybody.

02:03:31.000 Oh yeah, you just feel like you like everybody.

02:03:32.000 Yeah, released everything.

02:03:34.000 I still think that's the best drug in the whole entire world.

02:03:36.000 If I had to choose one drug other than weed. 0.99

02:03:39.000 Yeah, like I said, I loved the experience, but the comedown was fucking brutal. 0.99

02:03:44.000 On ecstasy? 0.99

02:03:44.000 It was brutal. 0.99

02:03:45.000 I took two pills.

02:03:46.000 I don't know what the milligrams were.

02:03:47.000 Two?

02:03:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:03:48.000 Damn. 1.00

02:03:48.000 Two's a lot. 1.00

02:03:49.000 Yeah.

02:03:49.000 The next day I was wrecked.

02:03:51.000 Yeah.

02:03:51.000 Those are all sort of the same milligrams, right?

02:03:53.000 They're just different.

02:03:54.000 I've seen a guy take nine.

02:03:56.000 Oh my god.

02:03:57.000 Nine.

02:03:57.000 I don't know.

02:03:58.000 Yeah, those are the same people that like a long time ago when people used to do acid and they'd be like, dude, I just did 12 hits of acid.

02:04:04.000 I'm like, why?

02:04:05.000 Why would you do that?

02:04:06.000 Well, there's certain dudes like James Cameron that want to go to the bottom of the ocean.

02:04:09.000 See, this guy wants to just go.

02:04:11.000 Yeah.

02:04:12.000 Some dudes just want to go to the bottom. 1.00

02:04:14.000 I saw one of the UFCs when I was in ecstasy.

02:04:17.000 And some pop pills or something.

02:04:19.000 And it was when Clay Greer was fighting. 0.98

02:04:20.000 And I got so fucking into it. 0.90

02:04:22.000 Is that the one where you... 0.98

02:04:23.000 Yeah, I was like on the floor pounding it.

02:04:25.000 Dude, this is hilarious.

02:04:26.000 We figured this out later, like years later.

02:04:28.000 We went to a UFC once and he was so emotional and like screaming on the floor.

02:04:35.000 And then he told me just like a couple months ago.

02:04:37.000 He goes, oh yeah, I never told you this, but I was on...

02:04:41.000 The best Ari UFC moment is documented.

02:04:47.000 It's when... 0.99

02:04:48.000 What the fuck is his name? 0.99

02:04:51.000 It was in Brazil. 0.99

02:04:53.000 The last one in Brazil.

02:04:54.000 Oh, God.

02:04:56.000 When Terry Edom got wheel kicked in the head by Edson Barbosa. 1.00

02:05:00.000 Edson Barbosa cracked him with this wheel kick, and as he's going down, you and Joe Silva are right there, and you put your hands on your head like, holy shit! 0.99

02:05:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:05:10.000 I think I put my hand over my mouth, like, oh no! 0.99

02:05:13.000 Like, that's so brutal.

02:05:14.000 Ari was, like, right over my right shoulder, like, where I'm sitting, like, right at the cage, and Ari's right behind me. 1.00

02:05:20.000 So if you look at, like, the animated GIFs that are on mine, you can see Ari pop up. 0.98

02:05:24.000 There's a super slow motion one I saw that was, like, really cool, just happening super slow.

02:05:29.000 I'm up before he hits the ground.

02:05:32.000 I don't care what anybody says.

02:05:33.000 That is the greatest job I have ever figured out.

02:05:36.000 I don't know how the fuck I ever got a job working for the UFC, but that is the greatest job ever. 0.96

02:05:41.000 That crowd was so crazy. 0.98

02:05:43.000 Yeah. 0.86

02:05:44.000 Nuts. 0.98

02:05:44.000 Brazil was insane. 0.98

02:05:46.000 To be able to be there, right there, ringside.

02:05:48.000 I've seen more than a thousand great fights like that.

02:05:52.000 It's really incredible.

02:05:54.000 In Brazil, you were right there with me on the stage. 0.99

02:05:57.000 18,000 people fucking screaming. 0.99

02:05:59.000 You've never seen a crowd like a Brazilian crowd, man. 1.00

02:06:02.000 Anybody who thinks that American crowds are loyal or nationalistic, you don't know what the fuck they're talking about. 0.98

02:06:07.000 We just scream USA when some guy trains in England. 0.99

02:06:10.000 We scream USA to the other one.

02:06:12.000 Yeah, we scream USA, but that's about it. 0.91

02:06:14.000 In Brazil, they scream, you're going to die. 0.99

02:06:17.000 You're going to die. 0.99

02:06:17.000 They all chant, you're going to die. 0.99

02:06:19.000 And then when Mike Pyle, Mike Pyle won his fight against this Brazilian dude.

02:06:23.000 Only non-Brazilian to win.

02:06:24.000 Yeah, against Funch. 1.00

02:06:25.000 And when he won, the fucking whole crowd is calling him a fag. 1.00

02:06:29.000 The whole crowd. 1.00

02:06:30.000 In Portuguese.

02:06:31.000 They're so...

02:06:32.000 They kept having to turn to the translator.

02:06:34.000 Like, what are they saying?

02:06:35.000 What are they saying right now?

02:06:36.000 Well, she thought they were saying a different word.

02:06:38.000 It turns out she thought they were saying Sigano, which is Junior Dos Santos' nickname. 0.99

02:06:43.000 They were saying it's like Fegano or something along those lines, which is faggot. 1.00

02:06:47.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

02:06:48.000 Yeah.

02:06:48.000 It's unfortunate that Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen aren't going to be fighting in Brazil.

02:06:52.000 Oh.

02:06:53.000 Apparently, we were going to do it at the giant soccer stadium.

02:06:56.000 It was going to be 80,000 people.

02:06:58.000 But there was a UN meeting that was going on there the two days before.

02:07:03.000 So there would have been no hotel rooms.

02:07:04.000 It would have been a nightmare.

02:07:05.000 Because you'd have to bring in 80,000 people from other parts of Brazil and the world who would want to come in and fly in to see that fight.

02:07:12.000 So it was way too nutty.

02:07:14.000 So they had decided to move it to another place.

02:07:17.000 Because it's the biggest fight available ever.

02:07:19.000 It's just the biggest fight, and it would be in the biggest city.

02:07:22.000 Yeah.

02:07:22.000 It would just be like, oh, God.

02:07:23.000 I think as far as what I've read is that they're still going to do a fight in Brazil that week, but they're locking down where that's going to be and who's going to be on that card.

02:07:32.000 Yeah.

02:07:32.000 But the Anderson Silva-Chael Sonnen match is going to be in Vegas.

02:07:36.000 Okay. 0.97

02:07:37.000 Which probably for Chael Sonnen is fucking way better, man. 0.97

02:07:41.000 Yeah. 0.95

02:07:41.000 That guy, he was in danger. 0.95

02:07:43.000 In danger.

02:07:43.000 Yeah.

02:07:44.000 I don't know. 0.95

02:07:45.000 That place was so goddamn beautiful, Brazil. 0.97

02:07:47.000 It's amazing. 0.97

02:07:48.000 What Ari and I were saying is we were up at 7 o'clock in the morning watching these kids play.

02:07:52.000 And we were like, look how great this life is.

02:07:54.000 Why don't kids in America do this?

02:07:56.000 Why isn't everybody running around and playing like this?

02:07:59.000 It looked so joyful.

02:08:01.000 There was so much fun to it.

02:08:03.000 And you knew that they probably were poor.

02:08:04.000 Isn't that what America used to be?

02:08:06.000 Or at least is it still in the Midwest and stuff where just small towns where you just get up and go play with people?

02:08:11.000 I don't know, man.

02:08:12.000 I mean, what makes a place like Brazil?

02:08:15.000 Is it just the environment?

02:08:16.000 The environment's so beautiful.

02:08:17.000 The weather's so beautiful.

02:08:18.000 They're on the ocean.

02:08:20.000 Ocean dwelling people almost always have like a certain appreciation and respect for the ocean.

02:08:26.000 Yeah.

02:08:27.000 A little appreciation for nature.

02:08:29.000 That's why beach towns are always so calm.

02:08:32.000 There's almost like a chilled, relaxed thing.

02:08:34.000 It's like, man, you're just faced with something so impossible. 0.98

02:08:38.000 You're looking out at fucking 100 trillion gallons of water, whatever the fuck the ocean is, where it's never-ending. 0.98

02:08:44.000 You don't see the end of the water. 0.99

02:08:46.000 You know it's bigger than the entire continent that you're living on.

02:08:50.000 It's so humbling.

02:08:51.000 It's just one of those things.

02:08:52.000 You look at it, it makes you chill out.

02:08:55.000 A lot of AA people, when you have to have a higher power, they make you have a higher power, but some people don't want to say God, so they can say it's like the ocean, just only more powerful than you are.

02:09:02.000 Ooh, I like that.

02:09:03.000 That sounds like a Led Zeppelin song, too.

02:09:07.000 Joey Diaz.

02:09:09.000 Joey Diaz, still number one on iTunes.

02:09:12.000 He's number one again, yeah.

02:09:14.000 Doug Benson dethroned him for a little bit.

02:09:15.000 For a day, and then just back and forth.

02:09:17.000 Well, Doug Benson is not a comedy album, it's just a podcast.

02:09:20.000 He puts his podcasts up for sale.

02:09:22.000 Oh, nice.

02:09:23.000 Yeah, a lot of guys do that.

02:09:24.000 There's a lot of controversy about that.

02:09:26.000 Some guys have like one a month that they'll have for sale.

02:09:29.000 Yeah, if it's a big giant thing, it's like whatever.

02:09:31.000 Yeah.

02:09:33.000 Wow, so he's back there.

02:09:34.000 Joey Diaz is on my podcast this week.

02:09:36.000 Really?

02:09:37.000 On the Skeptic Tank, yeah. 1.00

02:09:38.000 Joey Diaz is the shit. 1.00

02:09:39.000 Is you having fun with it? 1.00

02:09:40.000 Yeah, I am.

02:09:41.000 I like it.

02:09:42.000 Doing one a week?

02:09:43.000 Yeah.

02:09:44.000 Sometimes I'll get a couple in a week or two or three in a week if I'm going to be out of town a lot.

02:09:47.000 I'm amazed that you do it.

02:09:48.000 Yeah, me too.

02:09:49.000 If we do anything like that consistently, I'm really amazed.

02:09:52.000 Well, how about us? 0.99

02:09:53.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

02:09:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:55.000 I'm amazed we're doing it too.

02:09:56.000 What episode is this?

02:09:57.000 2-11 or something like that?

02:09:58.000 2-11.

02:09:59.000 It's crazy.

02:10:00.000 And so at any point you could just be like, I'm not going to do it anymore.

02:10:03.000 It'll just be done.

02:10:04.000 There'll be no trouble.

02:10:05.000 Yeah, it would be a problem, man.

02:10:07.000 You're not getting fired?

02:10:07.000 I think at this point in time we have a commitment.

02:10:09.000 Yeah.

02:10:10.000 Yeah, I don't think we would be able to stop.

02:10:12.000 Yeah, I think it's impossible.

02:10:14.000 There's too many people.

02:10:14.000 But it's like nothing's really pushing you on.

02:10:16.000 There's nothing real there.

02:10:17.000 Yeah, we owe people.

02:10:18.000 It's just that you desire to keep doing it.

02:10:19.000 We owe people.

02:10:20.000 For listening.

02:10:21.000 They've made our life better because they like this podcast.

02:10:24.000 And I think we owe them that.

02:10:25.000 People go to so many more comedy shows.

02:10:27.000 We're not going to stop.

02:10:29.000 Dude, I think it's in general, not just with this podcast, but in general, it started this renaissance of stand-up comedy.

02:10:33.000 I go around the country and I see the clubs, the hometown clubs.

02:10:39.000 More people are out.

02:10:40.000 People have access to this art form they've never had before.

02:10:43.000 And there's more good guys.

02:10:45.000 Yeah, and with YouTube, you can just find who your aesthetically pleasing person is.

02:10:49.000 Yeah.

02:10:50.000 You know, Max, Dice's kid, went up at the Ice House the other night, did great on the podcast, and went up and killed at the comedy show.

02:10:57.000 And I'm like, I just, I can't see enough of that.

02:11:00.000 I can't see enough of, like, this new generation coming out when they're good.

02:11:03.000 I can't see enough of that.

02:11:04.000 It's so inspiring.

02:11:06.000 It's beautiful.

02:11:06.000 And podcasts are allowing these kids to sort of get their stage.

02:11:10.000 I'm telling you, man, that's one of the reasons why the Atlanta show went so well.

02:11:13.000 I'm so used to talking in front of people.

02:11:15.000 That's got to be a lot of it, too.

02:11:16.000 I wrote down that podcasting is like cross-training for stand-up.

02:11:19.000 It really is.

02:11:20.000 Not full joke, but just training, thinking of stuff.

02:11:22.000 It's like it gets you in shape for stand-up.

02:11:24.000 Yeah, I could never have gone up on that, just doing that whatever quick set if it wasn't for a podcast. 1.00

02:11:29.000 I would have said, fuck you and shit myself. 1.00

02:11:32.000 You know, Eddie Bravo's going to do some dates with us. 1.00

02:11:34.000 He's going to emcee some shows.

02:11:35.000 Nice.

02:11:36.000 Eddie Bravo wants to go on stage.

02:11:38.000 He wants to emcee.

02:11:38.000 He wants to bring people up.

02:11:39.000 Just saying, this has got it all started.

02:11:41.000 He goes, I might try to do a joke or two here and there.

02:11:43.000 I'm like, you can do it.

02:11:44.000 I'm like, of course you can do it.

02:11:46.000 But if he doesn't want to, just like, you guys ready?

02:11:48.000 He wants to.

02:11:49.000 Encourage him.

02:11:49.000 Encourage him on Twitter, folks.

02:11:51.000 Because he can do it.

02:11:52.000 Eddie Bravo is one of the funniest dudes I've ever met in my life.

02:11:55.000 It's all about, for him, it would just be about focusing.

02:11:58.000 It would just be about him.

02:11:59.000 Finding, you know, whatever it is that he thinks is funny and focusing.

02:12:03.000 See, I know you're just scratching your beard, but it looks like you're totally shaking your head when you do that.

02:12:07.000 Oh, no, no.

02:12:08.000 No, that was me.

02:12:09.000 But I just want to straighten that out with all the internet detective.

02:12:12.000 Brian has got an itch on his face, but you don't see that because the microphone ball's in the face?

02:12:16.000 So it totally looked like you were shaking your head.

02:12:18.000 My beard is just crazy itchy.

02:12:20.000 That was definitely an itch.

02:12:22.000 Sorry.

02:12:24.000 I just started going back to jiu-jitsu again.

02:12:25.000 I took three months off.

02:12:27.000 Did you bulk up?

02:12:28.000 Did you get fat?

02:12:28.000 No, I didn't do anything.

02:12:30.000 I stayed the same weight.

02:12:31.000 I kept training.

02:12:32.000 I made sure I kept working out.

02:12:33.000 I stayed in shape.

02:12:34.000 I stayed in kettlebell shape and weightlifting shape and workout shape.

02:12:39.000 That's less in jiu-jitsu shape.

02:12:40.000 It's not as good as jiu-jitsu shape.

02:12:42.000 Jiu-jitsu shape is harder.

02:12:44.000 I found myself struggling for the first couple of classes, but not nearly as much as I'd be if I didn't do anything.

02:12:51.000 If I didn't do anything, I wouldn't be able to do it.

02:12:52.000 I literally wouldn't.

02:12:54.000 Because one of the things that I thought about while I was working out, while I took the time off, was when I was working, I was training to go back and roll.

02:13:01.000 I knew I did not want to get tired.

02:13:03.000 I did not want to get tired.

02:13:04.000 I was doing a lot of sprints.

02:13:06.000 I was doing a lot of, especially on the elliptical, I'd do these things purely for cardio purposes.

02:13:12.000 I would do maybe 10 to 15 minutes as a warm-up at a reasonable pace.

02:13:19.000 And then I would set it fairly stiff, like level 13 or maybe 15. And then I would know.

02:13:24.000 I would blitzkrieg for 30 seconds.

02:13:26.000 Just as hard as I can do it for 30 seconds.

02:13:29.000 And then kick it back and recover for 30 seconds and then do it again.

02:13:33.000 And I did it for 20 minutes.

02:13:35.000 So essentially 20 sprints.

02:13:38.000 20 mad, crazy sprints.

02:13:39.000 When I lost all that weight, that's what I used to do on the elliptical.

02:13:43.000 I would go as hard as I could for a minute and then do like three minutes of just kind of sitting there with my heart rate really high up.

02:13:50.000 It's so hard, man.

02:13:51.000 It's such a great workout. 1.00

02:13:53.000 I mean, like when someone tells you you can't get a good workout on an elliptical machine, like, bitch, you're crazy. 1.00

02:13:57.000 When I'm in hotel rooms, if I'm staying in a hotel and they say, oh, all they have is an elliptical machine, I can get a fucking ferocious cardio workout in on an elliptical machine. 0.99

02:14:06.000 You just got to use it the right way.

02:14:08.000 Yeah.

02:14:08.000 And the beautiful thing is you don't get injured on those.

02:14:10.000 You're not going to hurt your knees.

02:14:12.000 Really?

02:14:12.000 Yeah, it's no impact.

02:14:13.000 It's all circular motions.

02:14:15.000 I had an MRI today.

02:14:17.000 You did too?

02:14:17.000 Yeah.

02:14:18.000 So did Eddie Bravo.

02:14:19.000 Really?

02:14:19.000 Yeah, Eddie's got some sort of a meniscus thing.

02:14:22.000 What happened to you?

02:14:23.000 I think he said cartilage this time.

02:14:25.000 Cartilage?

02:14:26.000 Yeah, my other knee.

02:14:27.000 Your other knee.

02:14:28.000 Are you playing basketball still?

02:14:29.000 Mm-hmm.

02:14:30.000 No, no, now I'm not.

02:14:31.000 I can't.

02:14:32.000 Dude, those body weight squats, I know I showed those to you.

02:14:36.000 Those are like literally miracle workers for strengthening and tightening your knees.

02:14:41.000 Yeah.

02:14:42.000 One of the best exercises I've ever had for leg endurance and for building up the muscles around your knees.

02:14:49.000 Yeah, it's probably endurance.

02:14:50.000 I was just standing up.

02:14:51.000 I took my shoes off after basketball and I stood up and I just felt a pop and then flew it.

02:14:55.000 Well, can they fix it?

02:14:56.000 What'd they say?

02:14:57.000 He's got to see exactly what it is first.

02:14:58.000 It's the same doctor to the other one.

02:15:00.000 He's really good.

02:15:01.000 No, that's the pot doctor.

02:15:03.000 Oh, whoops.

02:15:04.000 Oh, Gettleman.

02:15:06.000 Gettleman, yeah.

02:15:08.000 I know my doctors are my doctors.

02:15:11.000 Yeah, he's a real doctor.

02:15:13.000 Yeah, he worked on my knee two times.

02:15:15.000 He fixed my right knee and he fixed the meniscus in my left knee. 0.87

02:15:19.000 He fixed my left knee when everybody else had fucked it up or the other guy had fucked it up. 0.94

02:15:23.000 The other guy, he did want to scope it and he tried to stitch it up and it just never really healed. 0.59

02:15:28.000 It was always loose.

02:15:29.000 It's amazing how when you think about it, you think like doctors know what they're doing, but like some doctors are bad.

02:15:33.000 You need doctors that work with athletes.

02:15:35.000 That's what you need.

02:15:35.000 Because one of the things that happened after I got an MRI, when I tore my meniscus, which is a really simple thing.

02:15:41.000 Meniscus is not that big of a deal.

02:15:43.000 I tore meniscus.

02:15:43.000 They just scrape it out.

02:15:43.000 They scrape the rest over.

02:15:44.000 But the doctor is sitting there telling me I need to stop doing martial arts.

02:15:48.000 By the way, I was only 30 at the time.

02:15:51.000 And the doctor is telling me you need to stop doing martial arts.

02:15:53.000 And I'm listening to her...

02:15:55.000 And I'm going, first of all, why are you telling me?

02:15:57.000 I'm not asking you for this.

02:15:58.000 And I go, I don't see where this is that big of an issue.

02:16:01.000 And she's like, you're going to continue to injure this knee.

02:16:04.000 You're telling me that it's impossible to rehabilitate a meniscus tear and get my body to a condition where I can train again?

02:16:10.000 I call shenanigans.

02:16:13.000 You say you'd rather not have that, but like, what? 1.00

02:16:16.000 Bitch, what are you talking about? 1.00

02:16:17.000 I've been stitched up together like 15 fucking times. 1.00

02:16:20.000 I know what I'm doing. 0.99

02:16:20.000 Sometimes I just don't want to deal with it. 0.99

02:16:22.000 Well, no.

02:16:23.000 No, it was something weird.

02:16:24.000 She was being my mom thing.

02:16:26.000 Do you think it's going to catch up like, say, 30 years from now?

02:16:28.000 No.

02:16:29.000 No, I have no pain, man.

02:16:31.000 See, first of all, I make sure I stretch out like crazy.

02:16:34.000 Second of all, I eat a lot of fish oil.

02:16:37.000 I take like 10,000 milligrams of fish oil a day.

02:16:39.000 I think that alone promotes healthy, strong joints.

02:16:43.000 And second of all, stretching and doing all these bodyweight exercises Really important for strengthening up the joints and tightening it.

02:16:51.000 Those bodyweight squats, you go all the way down.

02:16:54.000 Your ass touches your heel and your heel comes off the ground and you push up from there. 0.87

02:16:58.000 And when you do like hundreds of those, right at the knee is where you build all your muscle. 0.99

02:17:02.000 Like all up in here, like the cap of the quads and all around your knee.

02:17:07.000 All that builds up because it's like a really high volume.

02:17:10.000 You're doing like 200 of them.

02:17:12.000 And it really tightens and strengthens everything.

02:17:15.000 It gives you more endurance.

02:17:16.000 And it also, because the fact that your legs have done so much more work and they're stronger, you're less likely to have them buckle on you.

02:17:23.000 They're less likely to give out.

02:17:24.000 It won't be all cartilage.

02:17:25.000 It will be the other muscle taking control.

02:17:26.000 Exactly.

02:17:27.000 A lot of the reasons why people get injured is because they don't have enough physical strength to stop the injury from taking place.

02:17:34.000 Their coordination or they're exhausted. 0.97

02:17:37.000 When old people fall, they break their muscles because there's no fucking... 1.00

02:17:40.000 Exactly. 0.99

02:17:41.000 But they broke their bones because there's no muscles to guard against it.

02:17:43.000 That too.

02:17:43.000 Also, their bones get really fragile.

02:17:45.000 That's one of the things.

02:17:47.000 Osteoporosis.

02:17:48.000 If you're not lifting weights or taking care of your body in that way where you're adding...

02:17:52.000 It's really important, especially as you get older, to actually physically lift weights if you want to keep your bone density.

02:17:57.000 Really?

02:17:58.000 Bone density?

02:17:58.000 Yeah, your bone density.

02:17:59.000 Yeah, it's very important.

02:18:01.000 There's old dudes, like you can go to the gym, and there was a guy named Albert Beckles.

02:18:05.000 And I believe he was in his late 50s or 60s.

02:18:09.000 Brian, Google that guy for me, please.

02:18:11.000 Albert Beckles.

02:18:13.000 And Albert Beckles, bodybuilder.

02:18:15.000 And he was really old, man.

02:18:18.000 And I went to the gym.

02:18:20.000 There was a Gold's Gym in North Hollywood, when I lived in North Hollywood.

02:18:23.000 And I used to see him training there.

02:18:25.000 Like Charles Atlas?

02:18:26.000 He'd just be in there? 1.00

02:18:26.000 He was old as fuck, dude, and he was so old like a motherfucker. 1.00

02:18:31.000 Look at the photos of that guy. 1.00

02:18:32.000 He's got a really nice asshole. 1.00

02:18:36.000 What was the other guy's name, that old trainer? 1.00

02:18:38.000 Look at this photo of this guy.

02:18:39.000 See if you can get a nice big one.

02:18:41.000 That's him?

02:18:41.000 He's black?

02:18:43.000 That guy?

02:18:43.000 Yeah.

02:18:44.000 Dude, I mean, right there, he's probably like fucking 60 years old or something. 0.99

02:18:48.000 Really? 0.99

02:18:49.000 Yeah.

02:18:49.000 And I'm not kidding.

02:18:51.000 The guy was fucking enormous. 0.99

02:18:54.000 Just don't get a picture of his bicep. 0.99

02:18:57.000 That's his bicep.

02:18:58.000 Just click on one picture so Ari can get us. 1.00

02:19:01.000 There's a good picture of him.

02:19:02.000 He's bald and old and just swole. 0.98

02:19:06.000 Look at the body on that guy. 1.00

02:19:08.000 It's ridiculous. 1.00

02:19:09.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:19:11.000 That's the only way you can do that. 1.00

02:19:12.000 Well, steroids.

02:19:14.000 But the other way is you have to lift weights in order to keep that density up at that age.

02:19:20.000 That keeps your bones dense?

02:19:21.000 Yes.

02:19:21.000 Not your muscles.

02:19:22.000 No, your bones.

02:19:24.000 Weightlifting, especially like real heavy weight-bearing exercises like deadlifts and squats, they contribute to thicker bone density.

02:19:32.000 Wow.

02:19:32.000 Yeah, it's really important as you get older, especially because that's when your bones start to get brittle and fragile.

02:19:37.000 So guys like Albert Beckles, I bet that guy's like, look at that guy's body.

02:19:41.000 And he's in his 50s there, dude.

02:19:43.000 I mean, he was just an animal.

02:19:45.000 There's certain dudes like that.

02:19:47.000 Yeah.

02:19:47.000 By the way, steroids, but also intense workouts and intense training and focus.

02:19:54.000 You can't just give it all the steroids there because the guy still had to do the work.

02:19:58.000 Half the steroids.

02:19:58.000 Yeah, if he just took steroids only, he would still never get that big.

02:20:01.000 If he just lifted weights, how good would he get without them?

02:20:04.000 He would never be that lean either.

02:20:05.000 You have to be incredibly dedicated to get down to that level.

02:20:07.000 He's like championship bodybuilder level.

02:20:11.000 The difference between a guy like them or a guy like, say, Steve Maxwell.

02:20:14.000 Steve Maxwell is a guy who's 100% natural and he's a fitness fanatic.

02:20:18.000 And he is, I believe he's about 60 years old now.

02:20:20.000 Is that Dr. Steve?

02:20:21.000 No, no, that's Steve Graham.

02:20:23.000 Steve Maxwell is the guy who teaches me kettlebells and that.

02:20:26.000 He comes over a couple times a year, and he will go over exercise.

02:20:30.000 You powwow on body issues? 0.97

02:20:31.000 He comes and trains me for like three days and shows me all sorts of new shit, and I film it on my iPhone. 0.99

02:20:36.000 Really? 0.99

02:20:36.000 He's a master, dude. 0.99

02:20:38.000 Steve Maxwell, you can follow him on Twitter.

02:20:40.000 I don't know.

02:20:40.000 I think it's Maxwell Strength and Conditioning, Maxwell S&C. Maxwell SC maybe?

02:20:46.000 But he's a real master when it comes to training and different things that you can do to keep your body healthy as you get young.

02:20:56.000 He has a whole series, a DVD series, all on joint mobility and how important it is to stretch as you get older. 0.97

02:21:02.000 Your range of motion, especially if you're just sitting in an office, your range of motion is going to get more and more limited because you're not doing shit. 0.62

02:21:10.000 Your body's not going anywhere. 0.95

02:21:11.000 You're just sitting there all day.

02:21:12.000 So you're less able to use it.

02:21:13.000 Those yoga guys that can stretch like crazy, they always shock me. 0.98

02:21:16.000 Yeah, it's incredible.

02:21:18.000 It's because they keep doing it.

02:21:21.000 Most of the reasons why I'm still flexible at this age is because when I was 15 to the time I was 44, I never stopped stretching.

02:21:28.000 You just keep doing it.

02:21:30.000 If you keep doing it, you can keep it up. 1.00

02:21:32.000 But if you take off just like a few months, if you take off just a few months of training and don't work out and don't do shit for a few months, your body will turn to a sack of shit. 1.00

02:21:40.000 Like that. 0.99

02:21:41.000 Do you feel that when you stopped or you kept training, you kept working out?

02:21:44.000 Dude, I've never stopped.

02:21:45.000 Even when I get injured, I'll stop doing certain things.

02:21:49.000 I've been in places where they say you can't do any working out.

02:21:51.000 Like after I got my nose fixed, I couldn't do anything for a full month.

02:21:54.000 Because they were too afraid of mashing it.

02:21:55.000 Yeah, they don't want you elevating your temperature or your blood pressure rather and possibly opening up some of the sutures.

02:22:03.000 So no exercise at all for four weeks.

02:22:05.000 So for four weeks I was like, Did you just eat pizza and commit to it?

02:22:09.000 No.

02:22:09.000 I just tried to eat healthy.

02:22:11.000 But I couldn't do shit in hopes that... 0.99

02:22:13.000 I didn't want this operation to be fucked up because I was without a nose to breathe out of for most of my life and I knew how terrible it was. 0.99

02:22:20.000 But then once I did it, I was in a race to get back in shape. 0.97

02:22:23.000 Terrified to stay.

02:22:24.000 Because as you get older, man, the more you get out of shape...

02:22:26.000 You get the habit going real easily, too.

02:22:28.000 You just stay there. 1.00

02:22:29.000 Yeah, you can just become a lazy fuck. 1.00

02:22:32.000 What? 1.00

02:22:33.000 You gotta do this festival next year.

02:22:35.000 Which festival?

02:22:36.000 Moon Tower.

02:22:37.000 Moon Tower.

02:22:38.000 The Austin one.

02:22:39.000 Did you just get back from that?

02:22:40.000 Yeah.

02:22:40.000 What was it?

02:22:41.000 Everybody's got a festival, man.

02:22:43.000 Did they pay you?

02:22:44.000 Yeah.

02:22:45.000 We're gonna have a Death Squad festival.

02:22:47.000 We should.

02:22:47.000 Death Squad festival?

02:22:48.000 We're gonna have music like Honey Honey.

02:22:50.000 Ask them if they want to come.

02:22:51.000 Maybe have some Everest.

02:22:52.000 Where should we do this? 0.99

02:22:53.000 I think fucking Joshua Tree. 0.99

02:22:55.000 Really? 0.99

02:22:55.000 But then people have to drive there. 0.99

02:22:57.000 No, no, no.

02:22:57.000 In a city.

02:22:58.000 Yeah.

02:22:58.000 Why do they have to go somewhere?

02:22:59.000 Vegas.

02:23:02.000 Vegas isn't a bad idea.

02:23:05.000 Vegas is not a bad idea.

02:23:06.000 San Francisco.

02:23:07.000 But Vegas, again, costs money, man. 1.00

02:23:09.000 You gotta fly in and shit. 1.00

02:23:10.000 Texas. 1.00

02:23:10.000 Just do it for locals? 1.00

02:23:12.000 Austin, Texas.

02:23:13.000 Austin, Texas might not be a bad idea.

02:23:14.000 Somewhere where it's warm, that's all.

02:23:16.000 Austin, Texas is in the middle, too, so a lot of people can fucking drive there or fly there a lot easier.

02:23:21.000 Well, if we were going to have it, we would want to have it at a place where there would be enough hotel rooms.

02:23:25.000 Because how many people are going to come?

02:23:27.000 Let's say if we have, like, if we do a comedy show there, maybe New York.

02:23:31.000 There's Chicago.

02:23:32.000 What about Chicago?

02:23:32.000 New York's so expensive.

02:23:34.000 Yeah, look at Southwest by Southwest.

02:23:35.000 We'd do it in the same area.

02:23:37.000 All those hotels.

02:23:38.000 Austin, right.

02:23:38.000 That's South by Southwest.

02:23:39.000 Yeah, maybe we could do it six months after when South by Southwest is there so we don't compete with them at all.

02:23:44.000 I'll be there in September.

02:23:45.000 An Austin Death Squad Festival.

02:23:47.000 When is South by Southwest?

02:23:48.000 A month ago.

02:23:49.000 A month ago.

02:23:50.000 So it's, what, April?

02:23:52.000 What are you worried about competing with South by Southwest?

02:23:54.000 Well, anybody.

02:23:54.000 Oh, right.

02:23:55.000 First of all, you can't do it anywhere near them because, first of all, they're way more established.

02:23:59.000 They're going to eat up all the hotel rooms.

02:24:00.000 Oh, yeah.

02:24:01.000 I mean, if you really wanted to do...

02:24:02.000 But then you would have to, like, organize it, man.

02:24:05.000 And then you'd have to pay the bands.

02:24:06.000 Like, if you have bands performing...

02:24:07.000 You get a tour manager.

02:24:08.000 You get a tour manager.

02:24:09.000 I don't want to do that.

02:24:10.000 Yeah, you've got to hire a tour manager.

02:24:11.000 We'd have to figure out who would be...

02:24:13.000 I mean, if we're going to have a Death Squad comedy festival, we'd have to be really picky about who we let go on stage, too.

02:24:18.000 Not if it's three days.

02:24:20.000 They're going to represent us.

02:24:21.000 Not if it's three days.

02:24:22.000 We just use all the same guys we always use.

02:24:23.000 But we have like 30 people that we use all the time, just in different rotations and stuff.

02:24:28.000 We made it a big festival, and people got to plan for it.

02:24:31.000 They would want to do this.

02:24:32.000 It would be a party for us.

02:24:34.000 We don't have 30 people that are good enough to represent us.

02:24:36.000 Oh hell yeah, if you start grabbing and telling these Steve Renazzis and all these Freddie Lockhart's and be like, hey, do you want to come?

02:24:42.000 30 though?

02:24:43.000 I don't think it's 30. I'm sure it is.

02:24:45.000 Magical.

02:24:46.000 What do you think?

02:24:46.000 A little burr?

02:24:47.000 I mean, who are you talking about?

02:24:48.000 We're talking about Lil' Esther.

02:24:49.000 We're talking about all the guys.

02:24:52.000 And then you might even find that if it's a big enough thing that there's just people that want to hang out for a weekend, like a party style.

02:24:59.000 So you might get, like, maybe Greg Fitzsimmons would be like, hey, I want to come to this, you know, and shit like that.

02:25:03.000 Maybe. 0.91

02:25:04.000 He would want to get paid, as he should.

02:25:06.000 Absolutely.

02:25:06.000 We'll make it like a festival.

02:25:08.000 But then what?

02:25:08.000 You had different shows, so they'd see different people twice?

02:25:11.000 Yeah.

02:25:11.000 Yeah, I guess they would have to if they went to different shows.

02:25:14.000 It would have to be some people on certain shows.

02:25:17.000 God, it sounds like a lot of work.

02:25:18.000 But it would be kind of fun.

02:25:19.000 Maybe it's something we can think of. 0.98

02:25:21.000 Look, if the fucking Insane Clown Posse can pull something like that off, we could pull it off. 0.97

02:25:25.000 We could have Death Squad shows at a comedy festival. 0.96

02:25:27.000 You know, the best way to do it, really, would be to make it super simple and start it off simple and as easy as possible.

02:25:33.000 Try it out one year and then let it build.

02:25:36.000 Then the next year move it to Vegas.

02:25:38.000 Maybe we try it in Pasadena one year.

02:25:40.000 Maybe we try it this year in Pasadena.

02:25:42.000 Oh, that's what you do.

02:25:42.000 You do it here.

02:25:43.000 You don't have to pay for hotels for almost any comic.

02:25:46.000 Yeah.

02:25:47.000 How about that?

02:25:48.000 How about we do an ice house, continual ice house shows and we'll have like bands go up and perform at the ice house.

02:25:55.000 We'll have two shows going on at the same time at the ice house and just take over the club for like a whole week and have all of our friends come in.

02:26:01.000 Promote it so hard.

02:26:03.000 Promote the fuck out of it.

02:26:04.000 Have all of our friends come in that we, you know, all of our friends like from out of town that we know that are great comics that maybe live in Texas.

02:26:10.000 Plan to be here.

02:26:11.000 Yeah, plan to be here.

02:26:12.000 I'll bring in Stan Hope and pay for him and put him up in a hotel and give him the door, 100% of the door, and pump the show up and set it up so it's both profitable for guys and it looks like it's fun.

02:26:25.000 And the whole time, we podcast.

02:26:27.000 Yeah, whatever they pay the door, just take that.

02:26:29.000 We want to have two things set up.

02:26:30.000 One, we want to have set up something so in the podcast room at the Ice House we can see the stage.

02:26:36.000 That's step one.

02:26:37.000 Step two is we're going to broadcast the podcast to all the people waiting in line.

02:26:41.000 So while the people are waiting in line, as they're going in, we'll be doing the podcast with speakers outside in that little courtyard area.

02:26:48.000 So that will be going on.

02:26:50.000 And then we'll have shows.

02:26:51.000 We'll have bands that can go up.

02:26:53.000 At Lovett's, they made the bar room of Lovett's.

02:26:56.000 They just pull down a screen and they show what's going on on that big screen on stage.

02:27:00.000 That's not a bad idea.

02:27:01.000 They show the podcast.

02:27:01.000 You can drink and just do that.

02:27:03.000 What bar area?

02:27:03.000 Where would you do that?

02:27:04.000 Outside?

02:27:05.000 Yeah, outside.

02:27:06.000 They could do it there.

02:27:06.000 No, not the comedy store.

02:27:07.000 I mean, the ice house?

02:27:08.000 Yeah, you could do it outside in that little patio area.

02:27:11.000 Yeah.

02:27:11.000 Everybody would go to smoke anyway.

02:27:12.000 Sure.

02:27:12.000 Why not?

02:27:13.000 Put a big screen up there, right?

02:27:14.000 Dude, it almost makes you want to know if you could talk to the people that own that whole property.

02:27:19.000 Because that whole building that is owned by the same person that owns that parking lot that's right connected to it.

02:27:25.000 If we were to close that off and then make it a different stage, outside stages.

02:27:31.000 Do that in the summer.

02:27:32.000 Broadcast the podcast to the parking lot.

02:27:34.000 And just pull up your own chairs.

02:27:36.000 You need certain permits to do that, though, because you could disturb other businesses and you would disturb the neighborhood.

02:27:41.000 You would have to have permission with all those businesses.

02:27:42.000 I don't think you could do that.

02:27:45.000 They have movies in the park.

02:27:46.000 Yeah, but that's a movie.

02:27:49.000 And it's in a park.

02:27:50.000 This isn't a park.

02:27:50.000 It's a parking lot.

02:27:52.000 And it's right next to people's businesses.

02:27:54.000 They would hear it for sure.

02:27:55.000 If Honey Honey is out there jamming, people are going to hear that.

02:27:57.000 Oh, yeah.

02:27:57.000 You can't have a live band.

02:27:59.000 There's a festival that's in Columbus, Ohio that's the whole weekend called ComFest.

02:28:04.000 What it is, it's a community festival where everybody in the community gets together and volunteers time making a festival.

02:28:11.000 A lot of my friends would sit there and be the people that sell beer the whole day and they just do it for free.

02:28:17.000 There's three different stages, four different stages, and it's just music and poetry and there's girls walking around naked. 1.00

02:28:25.000 And it's just people go there with tents and pretty much just hang out at this park the whole weekend.

02:28:30.000 And I was just like, imagine if it was something like that.

02:28:33.000 Because your fan base is so like that kind of outdoorsy mushrooms nature.

02:28:40.000 They like music and Jimi Hendrix.

02:28:43.000 Well, we could eventually do it someplace like that, someplace cool.

02:28:47.000 But we'd have to make sure that there's enough accommodations for all the people that were invited to come down.

02:28:51.000 It would be tricky.

02:28:53.000 And we would also have to make sure that we could safely get all the artists there and put them up in places.

02:28:58.000 That's why starting it off in Pasadena would be super easy because everyone's local.

02:29:03.000 We could have all the local guys go up.

02:29:05.000 And people that want to come here, they can come here.

02:29:07.000 It's easy to get to Pasadena.

02:29:08.000 You can come here from all over the country.

02:29:10.000 We could set up a tent at ComFest this year.

02:29:13.000 What's ComFest?

02:29:13.000 I don't think we need to bring in people like that.

02:29:19.000 I think we advertise to our own people.

02:29:22.000 We advertise to everybody who follows me on Twitter and everybody who follows me on Facebook.

02:29:26.000 Yeah, but you give it like eight months to a year lead-up time.

02:29:29.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:29:30.000 Say like, this is the week you're going to want to make your hotel reservations for.

02:29:33.000 Dude, we could do that now and get thousands of people to come from all over the country.

02:29:36.000 I have no problem.

02:29:37.000 And just a bunch of shows throughout the week.

02:29:39.000 Believe in that.

02:29:39.000 Two shows a night, pretty much, to save the ice house.

02:29:41.000 Or if you do it in a couple locations, the ice house and somewhere else.

02:29:44.000 The ice house is a great place because, look, it's close to LAX. People can get there.

02:29:48.000 They can get rental cars.

02:29:49.000 They can stay.

02:29:50.000 It's not a far drive.

02:29:51.000 You've got a navigation system.

02:29:52.000 It's not hard to swing.

02:29:54.000 It's totally feasible.

02:29:55.000 And we have the best relationship with that club, as far as clubs around.

02:30:00.000 And there's two rooms there.

02:30:01.000 So we could have two rooms running simultaneously and just keep doing shows.

02:30:05.000 We could do like two and three shows at night.

02:30:07.000 We could have an early show. 0.99

02:30:08.000 We could have a bunch of different shit going on. 0.96

02:30:10.000 Or have a music side stage and a comedy stage. 0.99

02:30:13.000 We just have to have mad security for nutty people. 1.00

02:30:15.000 So many nutty people have been showing up at the Ice House lately.

02:30:18.000 I had a girl start screaming out she loves me during my show in La Jolla. 0.82

02:30:21.000 Did you just run up and shove it in her mouth? 1.00

02:30:23.000 No, I thought... 1.00

02:30:24.000 How much do you love me, bitch? 1.00

02:30:25.000 She wouldn't let me talk. 1.00

02:30:26.000 It was crazy.

02:30:27.000 And I was like, what's wrong with you?

02:30:28.000 You need to be quiet.

02:30:29.000 So what happened after the show?

02:30:31.000 Did you hang out with her?

02:30:31.000 No, I told her she had to leave eventually.

02:30:32.000 I was like, I understand.

02:30:33.000 She was weird.

02:30:34.000 She was on something.

02:30:35.000 Yeah, she was on I Love Ari. 1.00

02:30:37.000 I want some Jew dick. 1.00

02:30:38.000 That's right. 1.00

02:30:39.000 What's up?

02:30:39.000 She was there by herself.

02:30:41.000 Well, how did it end?

02:30:42.000 I told her she had to leave.

02:30:44.000 Oh, she was there by herself.

02:30:44.000 It's like you were disrupting too many people.

02:30:46.000 There by herself is a good sign. 0.95

02:30:49.000 Good sign of crazy.

02:30:50.000 Not always.

02:30:51.000 A lot of people come by themselves that are very nice.

02:30:53.000 But occasionally, it's a sign of crazy.

02:30:56.000 Sometimes.

02:30:57.000 Yeah, go anywhere by yourself.

02:30:58.000 It's like, what are you going to be up to right now?

02:31:00.000 Not always, you know.

02:31:01.000 Could mean you're cool.

02:31:03.000 I met some really cool people that came to shows by themselves.

02:31:05.000 Nothing wrong with it.

02:31:06.000 It's not like a hard, fast rule.

02:31:08.000 Rogue-fest?

02:31:09.000 But if you meet a girl, though, and she comes to a show by herself, that girl's a freak.

02:31:14.000 That means she's like, no, I'm just here by myself.

02:31:16.000 Just hanging out.

02:31:16.000 No responsibility.

02:31:17.000 So we would have to call this the Death Squad Festival or something like that.

02:31:24.000 Death Fest?

02:31:24.000 Death Fest.

02:31:25.000 Yeah.

02:31:26.000 We'd have to figure out what to call it. 0.99

02:31:28.000 Like the Insane Clown Posse, they call their shit the Gathering of the Juggalos. 0.99

02:31:32.000 We would not call it the Gathering of the Juggalos. 0.99

02:31:34.000 No, we couldn't call it that.

02:31:35.000 They already have that.

02:31:36.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:31:36.000 Damn it. 1.00

02:31:37.000 That would be so good in order to get people to come out. 0.99

02:31:39.000 But Death Squad is going to give people the wrong impression.

02:31:41.000 Oh, yeah.

02:31:42.000 It is.

02:31:42.000 Maybe we need to come up with a name for the festival.

02:31:44.000 Like a yearly name.

02:31:46.000 Just call it Olive Garden.

02:31:47.000 Maybe the Happy Primate Festival.

02:31:50.000 Comedy festival.

02:31:51.000 Happy primate comedy.

02:31:52.000 But it's not quite a comedy festival.

02:31:54.000 There's no primate.

02:31:54.000 We just want to have bands, too.

02:31:56.000 Oh.

02:31:57.000 And what would you get?

02:31:57.000 Just venues for the band?

02:31:59.000 How about a year of primate, stupid? 1.00

02:32:00.000 You would get some music club in Pasadena to show those shows? 1.00

02:32:04.000 No, we would do those at the Ice House, too.

02:32:06.000 That would be easy to put up.

02:32:08.000 Honey, honey, they could play at the Ice House.

02:32:11.000 Easy.

02:32:11.000 I'm sure they've had bands play in that place.

02:32:12.000 We've got to have the drums off the stage. 0.85

02:32:14.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:32:15.000 There's not much room.

02:32:17.000 Yeah.

02:32:18.000 I don't know how they would do that.

02:32:19.000 How much room is there?

02:32:20.000 Do you think there's room for a drum set?

02:32:21.000 No, not on the stage.

02:32:22.000 Absolutely not.

02:32:23.000 No way.

02:32:24.000 No?

02:32:24.000 No, absolutely not.

02:32:26.000 They would take up the entire stage.

02:32:28.000 They don't have to use drums, though.

02:32:29.000 Some of their best things they do is just him and her.

02:32:32.000 Him playing guitar and her playing banjo and violin.

02:32:35.000 They can do an acoustic set.

02:32:37.000 Yeah.

02:32:37.000 That's better anyway, man.

02:32:38.000 The acoustic shit they did on my podcast was brilliant. 0.97

02:32:41.000 Yeah, do like 15 or 20 minutes at the end or 30 minutes or 40 minutes. 0.98

02:32:44.000 She has a real voice, man.

02:32:47.000 That chick has a real voice. 1.00

02:32:48.000 That's a legitimate voice.

02:32:50.000 She doesn't need any effects or any fakery.

02:32:53.000 She really can sing.

02:32:55.000 I would do a storyteller show.

02:32:56.000 Get Kreischer and Diaz to do it.

02:32:59.000 Yeah, we could do that too.

02:33:00.000 Sure.

02:33:00.000 Yeah, that could be a part of it.

02:33:02.000 Absolutely.

02:33:02.000 That's a good idea.

02:33:04.000 Do you want different themes or different situations for that?

02:33:07.000 Yeah.

02:33:07.000 And you know what?

02:33:08.000 We should also do...

02:33:09.000 How about a show where just...

02:33:10.000 Let's ask topics.

02:33:12.000 That's exactly what I was about to say.

02:33:13.000 Question and answer.

02:33:14.000 We should do an entire show. 0.99

02:33:16.000 We did a little bit of it at the end of the show in Atlanta, but it was more like mocking people for their stupid questions and more moon landing hoax conspiracy talk. 0.99

02:33:24.000 I want to hear it from his own mouth. 0.99

02:33:26.000 This guy goes, well, I do know that we went to the moon.

02:33:29.000 I'm like, you don't know.

02:33:30.000 Stop it! 0.99

02:33:30.000 I love just saying that. 0.99

02:33:31.000 Well, I do know.

02:33:32.000 You're just saying it loud.

02:33:34.000 I'm pretty sure we went. 0.98

02:33:35.000 What does that mean, silly? 0.94

02:33:37.000 1969. You know what happened. 0.96

02:33:39.000 No matter what the argument, well, I just know.

02:33:41.000 Yeah.

02:33:41.000 So you're just saying you're just done talking then.

02:33:43.000 No one knows.

02:33:43.000 I mean, we can kind of assume most likely that happened.

02:33:46.000 I'm pretty sure Kennedy got shot in the head.

02:33:47.000 I'm 99% positive.

02:33:49.000 But I wouldn't even say I'm 100% positive for that.

02:33:51.000 Who knows? 1.00

02:33:52.000 Who the fuck knows this goddamn dark world we have. 1.00

02:33:55.000 People take that argument too far sometimes. 1.00

02:33:56.000 I'm like, well, how do you even know there was a candidate?

02:33:58.000 How do you even know that this world is real?

02:34:00.000 How do we not know that you are not living in a computer simulation?

02:34:04.000 By the way, I thought that was really hilarious.

02:34:06.000 I saw a video of you explaining to people how to download the Bone Zone, and you did it as a handicapped person.

02:34:13.000 As a handicapped person?

02:34:14.000 No, it's because I... So many people don't know how to do it?

02:34:17.000 One, Brendan Walsh was complaining that people were having a hard time finding his podcast.

02:34:21.000 Pretty much, I showed Brendan how to do it and he made a big deal about it on another podcast.

02:34:26.000 I was just like, ugh.

02:34:28.000 Come on.

02:34:28.000 Here, let me do it real slow again for you.

02:34:31.000 To show people how to...

02:34:32.000 Download.

02:34:33.000 Just that?

02:34:34.000 Yeah.

02:34:34.000 Or just...

02:34:35.000 Well, I think he wants it to be under his name.

02:34:37.000 Is that what it is?

02:34:38.000 No, he's just like, people said that they can't search Bone Zone and it comes up on iTunes.

02:34:42.000 And so I was like, well, let me show you how to do it.

02:34:44.000 Wait, but you can't show the people.

02:34:46.000 It's the people searching.

02:34:47.000 That's who you have to convince.

02:34:48.000 It's not brand new.

02:34:48.000 How many people that are in your little network get upset that you have the network as the name of their show and then their show next instead of the way everybody else has it?

02:34:57.000 I think out of, let's say, if there was 100,000 people, I think I hear it maybe two times on Twitter.

02:35:05.000 No, no, no, no.

02:35:06.000 I'm talking about the people that actually host their shows.

02:35:09.000 How many of them want to change it to their own name?

02:35:12.000 They must.

02:35:13.000 All of them.

02:35:13.000 No, I don't think so.

02:35:14.000 All of them, right?

02:35:14.000 No.

02:35:15.000 No, I would say none of them.

02:35:16.000 What?

02:35:17.000 Right now.

02:35:17.000 Come on.

02:35:18.000 Brandon Walsh doesn't want it to be in his name and then have you as the network second?

02:35:21.000 No.

02:35:22.000 I mean, look what happened to Freddie Lockhart.

02:35:24.000 When Freddie Lockhart did it, he got lost, and so he came back.

02:35:28.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

02:35:29.000 First of all, Freddie didn't, he left you.

02:35:32.000 He stopped doing it.

02:35:33.000 And when he left you, it wasn't that he was, you know, that he went under his name, and that's why people couldn't find him. 0.92

02:35:39.000 It's like he really, nobody gave a shit about it anymore.

02:35:42.000 You said you were going to find a way to have people come with their own podcast. 0.92

02:35:47.000 No, no, that's not what you're saying.

02:35:47.000 No, Freddie left because he wanted to do it on his own.

02:35:50.000 And then what I'm saying is that when he did that, no one could find his podcast anymore because no one was listening to it anymore.

02:35:55.000 Well, that's because, you know, that's only because Freddie had not...

02:35:57.000 And he said, dude...

02:35:58.000 He had not publicized it well.

02:35:59.000 He didn't do a good job of that.

02:36:00.000 Dude, we talked about it on this podcast.

02:36:01.000 We didn't know where to go.

02:36:02.000 We talked about it on podcasts.

02:36:03.000 We tweeted it.

02:36:03.000 I even retweeted him.

02:36:05.000 Tons of times.

02:36:05.000 No, it is an extra step.

02:36:07.000 That's not enough.

02:36:08.000 You consider the numbers of people that are listening to yours, but in order for him to have it go off on his own, think about that.

02:36:14.000 He was doing yours for so long, and it still hadn't developed a name where he could go on on his own.

02:36:18.000 That was the number one podcast on Death Squad.

02:36:20.000 When it left, it went to 170. But you know...

02:36:24.000 So what?

02:36:24.000 Do you not understand what I'm saying?

02:36:26.000 No.

02:36:26.000 What I'm saying is, all the time he's doing it with you, still hadn't gotten independent.

02:36:31.000 He was still attached to your name.

02:36:33.000 So it's almost like he wasted time doing a good podcast under your name and never got his name out there.

02:36:38.000 So when his name got out there on its own, it flopped because no one knew about it.

02:36:42.000 So he had been doing all this podcasting and spending all this time developing this sort of bunch of fans to follow him, and he couldn't take it with him.

02:36:51.000 Whereas if he just did it on his own, whatever he built up would have been his own.

02:36:55.000 It would have stuck with him.

02:36:56.000 They had their own name on Death Squad.

02:36:59.000 Does that make sense?

02:37:00.000 Do you know how many podcasts that there's comics out there that you've never heard of in your life?

02:37:04.000 Did you know Mark Ellis had two podcasts?

02:37:06.000 Yeah, but Mark Ellis is not a famous comedian.

02:37:08.000 You know, Freddie Lockhart, first of all, was on a television show, and he's been on our podcast many, many times, and, you know, Mark Ellis...

02:37:14.000 No, but it still would be nice if people could search for his name.

02:37:17.000 Yeah.

02:37:17.000 Well, they can.

02:37:18.000 They can search for his name.

02:37:19.000 The real thing is, like, the question is, do you do it the way Adam Carolla does it, where he has, you know, like, someone's, whatever the, like, Penn Sunday School, and then underneath that, it says Ace Broadcasting.

02:37:30.000 Oh, right.

02:37:30.000 he has it in a secondary position and he allows the the person's name of their podcast that's first yeah and he's just the production arm of it so you can build up that name yeah whereas brian the way brian does it is he has a channel and you know it's the death squad channel and then everybody else's podcast is sort of secondary to that it's the exact opposite it's collecting it it builds up the network it builds up the network as a whole instead of building up each individual as an entity on their own an individual Everyone helps each other.

02:37:59.000 If you're a big Sam Tripoli fan, you start listening to Sam Tripoli, you're going to start listening to Brennan Walsh and vice versa.

02:38:03.000 There's so many people that never knew who Brennan Walsh was until they just were like, well, I like Freddie Lockhart.

02:38:09.000 I'm going to start listening to Brennan Walsh now because they're on the same network.

02:38:13.000 Well, that's also the case of what people didn't know about until they came onto this podcast.

02:38:17.000 Yeah, but that's the same reason.

02:38:18.000 There would be people who were like, oh, I don't like, let's just say, Brendan Walsh's podcast, so they get annoyed and don't listen to the same Tripoli podcast.

02:38:25.000 Here's an example.

02:38:26.000 They get turned off by the stuff they're not into, and they're like, how much of this do I have to sit through before I do the stuff I do like?

02:38:30.000 Well, you don't listen to it.

02:38:32.000 Do you have to listen to every single one?

02:38:34.000 No, but you're just less likely to see it.

02:38:36.000 What?

02:38:36.000 You're less likely to see it.

02:38:38.000 If there's six things that are there and you're only into one of them, it's just like you're less likely to check in to see when there's updates.

02:38:43.000 Well, my only thought is that someone, if they're developing their own shit on their own, if they're doing their own show on their own, and they start, like Doug Loves Movies.

02:38:54.000 Started out on his own, kept it on his own, and at this point in time... 0.82

02:38:56.000 He does live shows that Doug Loves Movies and people come.

02:38:58.000 Yeah, he has equity that he's built up in that name and doing it on his own.

02:39:02.000 And for a lot of these other guys, they're building equity into the Death Squad name.

02:39:06.000 It's not...

02:39:07.000 That's not true.

02:39:08.000 Look at Ari Shafir. 0.53

02:39:09.000 Look at Tom Segura.

02:39:10.000 There's ways that you can do it right.

02:39:12.000 They're lucky.

02:39:13.000 People like their show and they're listening to it.

02:39:15.000 Ari is doing good on his podcast and so is Tom Segura.

02:39:18.000 So what are you trying to say?

02:39:19.000 I'm just saying...

02:39:20.000 They're independent.

02:39:20.000 They left.

02:39:21.000 I know.

02:39:21.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:39:22.000 I'm just saying that...

02:39:23.000 I don't think that it works for everyone.

02:39:27.000 And I think if Sam Tripoli wanted to move off a death squad, he can totally do it, and he would probably survive.

02:39:35.000 But I don't think that it's...

02:39:38.000 It'd be nice if there's a way to stay on death squad, but also have their own picture for their podcast or something, so you can see it's their picture.

02:39:43.000 That's all we're talking about.

02:39:46.000 You actually made a bad example, because the reason why Ari... 1.00

02:39:50.000 And Duncan, well Duncan especially, he did it completely independently on his own.

02:39:54.000 But what got them famous was being on a podcast that was famous, this one.

02:40:00.000 That's what got them.

02:40:01.000 That's 100% what made it happen.

02:40:02.000 Somebody asked me that this week.

02:40:02.000 It's not being on the desk one.

02:40:04.000 They're like, how many of your listeners, Ari, do you think are not...

02:40:07.000 I'm fans of Joe Rogan.

02:40:09.000 I was like, oh, maybe like 1%, maybe?

02:40:12.000 2%?

02:40:13.000 That's how a lot of people found me.

02:40:14.000 I don't mind it.

02:40:15.000 Which is fine.

02:40:16.000 Look, we're all sort of different but like-minded folks.

02:40:19.000 People apologize.

02:40:20.000 They're like, I'm sorry, I didn't even know you did stand up.

02:40:22.000 I didn't want to even see you before I heard it in the podcast.

02:40:24.000 I'm like, I don't care.

02:40:25.000 That means you're here because of that?

02:40:26.000 That's awesome.

02:40:26.000 The biggest thing I want to stress, though, is the reason why it's done as a group is also looking past what podcasts.

02:40:34.000 I don't really think that...

02:40:36.000 Power through numbers. 0.99

02:40:37.000 That in 20 years, podcasts are going to be fucking kicking ass or anything. 0.91

02:40:42.000 But one thing I do know that's coming up is the basic future of cable television and networks and stuff are going to more of a streaming-based, a download-based system like Netflix or iTunes. 0.96

02:40:53.000 That is true.

02:40:55.000 There's not going to be an NBC in 10 years.

02:40:57.000 That would happen independently of whether or not you made your show the first name or their show the first name.

02:41:03.000 Well, anyways, what I was saying is DeathSquad.TV to me is like, I'm kind of considering it more like a...

02:41:08.000 This is a channel.

02:41:10.000 This is more than just you're listening to a podcast at your house.

02:41:13.000 This is like a TV show network where each one of these shows are like...

02:41:17.000 It's like being on DeathSquad.TV, but it's like being on MTV. And each one of these things underneath it is a show.

02:41:26.000 And so one of the biggest things with all the people saying, you know, like, I want it to be separated into all the different things on iTunes and all that stuff...

02:41:33.000 If you don't want to just go to desklaw.tv and download what you want to listen to, we're making these show pages right now where, as an example, if you like the naughty show, it's going to have all the naughty shows and it's going to have an RSS feed, which you can do right now in any browser.

02:41:50.000 If you open up your browser and pick a search string of any kind, you can make an RSS feed.

02:41:55.000 Stop it.

02:41:55.000 No one's doing that.

02:41:56.000 Yeah, no one's making RSS feeds.

02:41:57.000 Well, anyways, I'm just saying that you can do it.

02:41:59.000 If you're freaking out about RSS feeds, you probably can easily cut and paste an RSS string.

02:42:04.000 No, most people don't know what that is.

02:42:05.000 Who's freaking out about RSS feeds?

02:42:07.000 Exactly, the 1%. 0.72

02:42:08.000 So anyways, but each one of these pages, like the Naughty Show page and stuff like that, will have all the individual shows for each person, and it's going to have, each host is going to have a PayPal A show donation.

02:42:23.000 How many of your network shows are you actually in?

02:42:26.000 Every single one of them.

02:42:27.000 Every one of them.

02:42:27.000 So that's another thing.

02:42:29.000 I produce them all.

02:42:30.000 The only ones I don't do is when, like, say, Brian Count or somebody's doing one in their hotel room.

02:42:35.000 Doesn't that drive you crazy to be in all those different podcasts?

02:42:38.000 I mean, your brain must be scattered.

02:42:39.000 No, because it's quality control for everything. 0.99

02:42:41.000 I mean, there's shows like I love Esther to death, but if I wasn't there and just put it up, I would be mad at myself for fucking letting you listen to it, and vice versa.

02:42:55.000 Sometimes there's a quality that all these people get where when Ari was on Death Squad, he sent me one file once, and it was like one person was really loud, one person was super, super quiet, and you couldn't hear it.

02:43:10.000 And I know Ari was angry at me for not wanting to put that up. 0.93

02:43:13.000 No, I was angry at you for saying, we're not putting it up before you let me listen to it.

02:43:16.000 That's all it was.

02:43:17.000 I was like, let me hear it.

02:43:18.000 I'll make my decision.

02:43:19.000 Right.

02:43:20.000 And he kept saying, no, we're not doing it.

02:43:21.000 I couldn't put it up because, honestly, I sat there for two hours trying to fix it to make it so it would be acceptable, and it wasn't.

02:43:28.000 No, that totally makes sense. 0.50

02:43:29.000 I mean, because a lot of people don't know that, yeah, I'm on these podcasts because I'm fucking producing them.

02:43:33.000 I told Callan, because after he told me his stuff was the same way, it wasn't coming through, I was like, you know you have to get microphones and cords for that, right?

02:43:41.000 And he goes, no, I didn't know that.

02:43:42.000 I was like, yeah, you've got to get microphones and cords.

02:43:43.000 I told him where to get it.

02:43:45.000 I'm like, those will be better from now on.

02:43:46.000 The only problem that I have is that we use the name DeskWad for all of us.

02:43:53.000 And if you've got a network that's DeskWad...

02:43:55.000 And then anyone that's on there, it becomes one of those people.

02:43:58.000 Not necessarily.

02:43:59.000 The real desk squad way to do it is to do Joey's podcast, Ari's podcast, Duncan's podcast, to put it on a page somewhere.

02:44:10.000 Brian, why are you defensive right now?

02:44:12.000 No one's saying anything bad.

02:44:14.000 Because that makes no sense at all.

02:44:16.000 No, it makes a lot of sense.

02:44:17.000 What I'm saying is...

02:44:18.000 It feels like it's being attacked.

02:44:21.000 Exactly.

02:44:22.000 And people on the internet think you're doing the same thing.

02:44:24.000 Because what it is...

02:44:25.000 You think I'm doing the same thing what?

02:44:26.000 Because what I'm doing is you're pretty much saying the real reason to do a podcast network, like I'm not doing a real way to do it.

02:44:34.000 Just because I'm using the word Death Squad.

02:44:36.000 I'm saying the right way to call it Death Squad, it should not just be the shows that you're in.

02:44:41.000 It should be all of us.

02:44:43.000 Death Squad is a bunch of friends, right?

02:44:45.000 All these people that I'm doing, all these shows have been on the road with you.

02:44:48.000 Sam Tripoli has been on the road with you, right?

02:44:50.000 Freddie Locker...

02:44:51.000 You're not doing people that have been on the road with me.

02:44:53.000 That's not what you're doing.

02:44:54.000 You've got a bunch of people that don't even know who these people are.

02:44:57.000 I'm talking about the host of the show, Brandon Walsh.

02:44:59.000 She used to take Brandon Walsh on the road, right?

02:45:00.000 Some of them, Brian.

02:45:01.000 So you wouldn't consider him being in the Death Squad?

02:45:02.000 Brian, some of them.

02:45:03.000 Some of them.

02:45:04.000 Some of them not.

02:45:05.000 You know that.

02:45:05.000 Jaden James?

02:45:06.000 Yeah, come on. 1.00

02:45:06.000 All that shit. 1.00

02:45:08.000 There's a bunch of them. 1.00

02:45:09.000 I don't want to name names.

02:45:09.000 I don't want to criticize anybody.

02:45:11.000 I know, but every person that's a guest on the show, I wouldn't consider him being on the Death Squad.

02:45:14.000 Would you?

02:45:15.000 What?

02:45:16.000 Like if you have a person that's on your show as a guest.

02:45:18.000 There's a big difference between having someone as a guest and having someone who you're doing a show with them.

02:45:22.000 And then you're calling it Death Squad and you're putting it on a network.

02:45:25.000 Right.

02:45:25.000 You essentially have taken over that name and used it for your own stuff.

02:45:29.000 It's your own network.

02:45:31.000 I'm not Death Squad.

02:45:32.000 You're on every one of them.

02:45:33.000 I'm not Death Squad.

02:45:33.000 All of us are Death Squad.

02:45:34.000 But you're on every one of them.

02:45:35.000 Because I produce every single show on that Death Squad, yes.

02:45:38.000 But do you not see that that is like you?

02:45:42.000 Joe, 90% of the shows, I probably talk about 10% of the time.

02:45:47.000 No, I know you don't.

02:45:47.000 It's more of the same thing if you listen to Howard Stern, if you listen to any of the shows that have producers like E-Rock or anything like that.

02:45:54.000 That's a normal thing, Joe.

02:45:55.000 Dude, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with what you're doing.

02:45:57.000 I'm not saying that at all.

02:45:59.000 I'm not criticizing you.

02:46:00.000 I'm just saying that to call it the Death Squad is kind of weird because the Death Squad is supposed to be all of us and most of the people that are in the Death Squad aren't on the Death Squad.tv site.

02:46:10.000 Okay, so if one of you other guys did something with the Death Squad name, then go for it.

02:46:15.000 I was the first one.

02:46:16.000 I was like, hey, I'm just going to make a collection of shows and call it Death Squad because Opie said it one time and it was funny.

02:46:20.000 Yeah, but it's not the people.

02:46:22.000 Do you not feel this at all?

02:46:23.000 You mean Death Squad's a little different to you.

02:46:25.000 You feel it's like the four people that was in the room.

02:46:28.000 No, I do not.

02:46:29.000 I feel it's family.

02:46:30.000 It's all the people that we're family with.

02:46:32.000 There's a lot of people that you podcast with that you're not family with.

02:46:34.000 They asked me, we're going to do this.

02:46:36.000 Hold on.

02:46:36.000 That girl's nice.

02:46:38.000 Ryan Keely, she's a very nice girl.

02:46:40.000 Dan D'Orman, very nice girl.

02:46:41.000 Those people aren't your family.

02:46:43.000 We were going to do the show.

02:46:44.000 They're friends of mine.

02:46:46.000 They're friends with you.

02:46:47.000 Okay, then they're family.

02:46:47.000 You don't think Dana's a friend?

02:46:49.000 She's a nice girl.

02:46:50.000 She's not my family.

02:46:50.000 You've had her on this podcast.

02:46:52.000 I have.

02:46:52.000 What is the question?

02:46:53.000 Brian, there's a lot of people we've had on this podcast.

02:46:55.000 But you're acting like this is like a treehouse and you're like, you're not allowed in this treehouse.

02:46:59.000 No, that's not what I'm saying.

02:47:00.000 I'm saying you're calling it Desquad when Desquad is us.

02:47:03.000 Desquad is us as friends.

02:47:04.000 Who?

02:47:04.000 Who is us?

02:47:05.000 Tagging all the people that were hanging out together in that group.

02:47:08.000 There was not the whole Desquad at that group.

02:47:10.000 Joey Diaz, Eddie Bravo.

02:47:10.000 Joey Diaz was not there when Opie called us Desquad.

02:47:13.000 So you're saying Joey Diaz?

02:47:16.000 Is Joey Diaz not one of my best friends?

02:47:18.000 Is Joey Diaz not constantly on the road with us?

02:47:20.000 Is Joey Diaz not the one who uses it more than anybody?

02:47:23.000 He was the one who actually started calling everybody Death Squad.

02:47:25.000 He was the one who ran with it.

02:47:26.000 Because he thought it was hilarious.

02:47:28.000 There's obviously some heat here then because you're really having a problem with me using the name Death Squad.

02:47:31.000 I'm not having a problem at all.

02:47:32.000 I'm just saying it would be nice if...

02:47:34.000 We were all at a radio station and both he called us something.

02:47:36.000 And we were all talking about it, and I just happened to start calling something Death Squad.

02:47:40.000 It doesn't mean that I'm like, no, he was talking about me, and it's all me, and I'm Death Squad, and that's what I mean.

02:47:44.000 I'm just saying that I used a term that we all use, and I bought a domain and started doing a podcast for it.

02:47:49.000 You started doing a podcast and started calling the shows Death Squad.

02:47:53.000 So you've essentially hijacked the name.

02:47:57.000 You've taken the name for your own network.

02:47:58.000 What name?

02:47:59.000 That name, Desquad.

02:48:00.000 You've taken it for your own network.

02:48:01.000 The name that you used to do those little videos.

02:48:04.000 I'm not saying you aren't.

02:48:05.000 I'm just saying if it really was Desquad, you would have Ari on that page.

02:48:09.000 You'd have big links to all the people that you're not profiting from as well.

02:48:13.000 If I created a podcast network and called it Powerful, are you saying that I wouldn't be allowed to do that?

02:48:20.000 It's a big difference between a whole group of people that call themselves Desquad.

02:48:23.000 We've been calling ourselves Death Squad for like almost a decade.

02:48:26.000 And then all of a sudden a podcast comes along and you call this podcast Death Squad.

02:48:29.000 I bought that domain in 2007. What does that mean, Brian?

02:48:33.000 What does that mean?

02:48:33.000 Just because you bought the domain.

02:48:34.000 Didn't we call ourselves that before you bought the domain?

02:48:37.000 Yeah.

02:48:37.000 We call ourselves a lot of things.

02:48:39.000 But does that mean I'm not allowed to say, hey, I'm going to use that as a name for a podcast network about all you guys?

02:48:44.000 I can't even believe that you don't see another side of this.

02:48:47.000 I can't believe that you don't see a little bit of a side of this.

02:48:49.000 I see what you're saying, but it's kind of funny that I've been doing it since 2007 and now you're just making it All I've said ever is that it should be, all of us included, the guys that aren't in a podcast network with you that you don't profit from.

02:49:07.000 Hold on, listen for a second.

02:49:08.000 He's not saying you've done anything specifically wrong.

02:49:10.000 You knew I was going to say that?

02:49:13.000 Brian, let him talk.

02:49:17.000 Let him talk.

02:49:18.000 He's not saying you've done anything specifically wrong.

02:49:20.000 He's saying, wouldn't it be nice to have built a page or in the future to build a page to include the people in that group to begin with?

02:49:30.000 If you're going to call something Death Squad, it should be all of us.

02:49:34.000 It should be Joey Diaz.

02:49:35.000 It should be Duncan.

02:49:36.000 It should be people that have never been in the podcast.

02:49:37.000 There we go right there.

02:49:40.000 Who gets to choose who's on it?

02:49:45.000 How about me?

02:49:46.000 How about I'll choose?

02:49:46.000 Yeah, but why?

02:49:48.000 Why are you considered Death Squad?

02:49:50.000 I'll tell you this.

02:49:51.000 Why would I be considered Death Squad?

02:49:53.000 How about because I'm going to treat it fairly?

02:49:55.000 How about because I'm going to let in people that are actually... 0.70

02:49:57.000 Tell me how I'm not.

02:49:58.000 Because there's somebody that you might want on there that I might not want on there and there might be somebody that already wants on there.

02:50:03.000 You don't think Duncan deserves to be in because you and him are having an argument?

02:50:06.000 You don't think that Duncan deserves to be a part of the Death Squad?

02:50:08.000 What is your argument?

02:50:09.000 You were trying to tell me before, but I don't like any arguments when you were...

02:50:13.000 The argument comes from Duncan getting upset at Brian when we were in Atlanta, saying that Brian doesn't pay the comedians when he charges money for the shows at the Ice House, and that he should.

02:50:23.000 Yeah, you should pay them.

02:50:23.000 But yeah, I do, and he just doesn't.

02:50:25.000 No, you only paid the MCs.

02:50:27.000 That's not true.

02:50:28.000 Okay.

02:50:29.000 Okay, again, Joe.

02:50:30.000 You should pay me.

02:50:31.000 Now, are you going to throw me under the bus, too?

02:50:32.000 Because you have no idea who I pay, right?

02:50:33.000 Okay, if you started paying people recently, this is a different thing.

02:50:36.000 I'm turning off.

02:50:37.000 Don't turn off, bro.

02:50:37.000 You can't do this.

02:50:38.000 I'm not getting into this again. 0.88

02:50:40.000 Don't raise your voice and don't get crazy.

02:50:42.000 Listen, I am not agreeing.

02:50:44.000 First of all, let me explain that Duncan shouldn't have done what he did.

02:50:47.000 Live on a podcast.

02:50:48.000 He threw me under a bus.

02:50:50.000 He cornered Brian.

02:50:50.000 And he also called me drunk, even though I had a beer and a Red Bull.

02:50:52.000 Drunk is not an insult. 0.99

02:50:53.000 So he's also just fucking sitting there. 0.99

02:50:54.000 He wasn't correct. 0.99

02:50:55.000 He was trying to diminish it.

02:50:56.000 He was trying to attack me.

02:50:58.000 I got it. 0.84

02:51:00.000 The whole thing was disgusting.

02:51:02.000 The problem what I have and what he was getting at is we were talking about Southwest by Southwest, right?

02:51:06.000 Southwest by Southwest.

02:51:07.000 He does this video where it says that Southwest by Southwest makes a shitload of money, whatever it's called, and they don't pay people to come out there because he was offered to come out there and he didn't get paid.

02:51:17.000 And so what I had brought up is that I had been hearing that it really, it's all about the venues.

02:51:24.000 Like Southwest by Southwest is like a blanket name, kind of like a death squad.

02:51:27.000 And it's into each of the venues that if they want you to come out and play their bar, that they might pay you.

02:51:35.000 But Southwest doesn't do anything except promote it as a big party.

02:51:40.000 They do advertising and promotions and stuff like that.

02:51:43.000 And then what a duck can do.

02:51:44.000 Duncan made a video saying that they don't pay anyone and they steal from comics.

02:51:48.000 So what happened is I was talking and I was explaining like, hey, I heard this and he goes, you're drunk.

02:51:51.000 And I'm like, oh, okay, this is not, you're really paraphrasing.

02:51:55.000 Obviously, obviously, obviously.

02:51:57.000 So what then it turned into that he said on a podcast, you steal from comics. 0.99

02:52:03.000 And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

02:52:05.000 He goes, you steal from comedy. 1.00

02:52:06.000 You don't pay your comics.

02:52:06.000 I'm like, well, Duncan, one, why do you think I don't pay my comics?

02:52:10.000 I do pay the MC or the host, usually which is like Tony Hinchcliffe or Will.

02:52:15.000 I give them 40 to 60 bucks. 0.73

02:52:18.000 And then I pay, usually if there's any people like Little Esther or anyone that I know that is like fucking, you know, like they don't even have gas money to get there, I'll throw them 20 to 40 bucks sometime. 0.89

02:52:29.000 And like as an example, this last one, I gave, you know, Little Esther money, I gave Mark Ellis some cash and, you know, I spread it out. 0.92

02:52:35.000 I'll tell you this.

02:52:37.000 People have been grumbling.

02:52:38.000 You've got to share that cash with people.

02:52:39.000 What have people been saying?

02:52:40.000 I'm driving out there.

02:52:41.000 There's a cover charge.

02:52:42.000 How am I not getting paid?

02:52:43.000 Who's saying this?

02:52:45.000 You don't want to say names.

02:52:46.000 People are saying it.

02:52:46.000 People are pissed.

02:52:48.000 Here's a couple reasons why.

02:52:49.000 One, because I don't get paid until the following week.

02:52:52.000 Anything I pay for that night is I have to go to an ATM, I have to take out money, and I have to fucking go, alright, how much money did I make? 0.65

02:52:58.000 Did this sell out? 0.82

02:52:59.000 You don't get paid until when?

02:53:00.000 The following week, usually.

02:53:02.000 Oh.

02:53:02.000 And so then I have to figure out how much money did I kind of make?

02:53:06.000 Did it sell out?

02:53:06.000 You just asked them right there at the door.

02:53:07.000 How much money did we bring in?

02:53:08.000 I could do that if I wasn't doing a live podcast at the same time.

02:53:11.000 But anyways, then I get taxed on all that.

02:53:15.000 So everything I make there, which is not even the door.

02:53:19.000 I don't get the full door.

02:53:20.000 I get like 60% of the door or something like that.

02:53:21.000 Then I get taxed on it.

02:53:23.000 So that pretty much cuts in half.

02:53:25.000 So what my average usually is, is about $200 to $300 I make on a show.

02:53:31.000 I usually spend about $100 giving it to Miss Elaine's comics to $150.

02:53:37.000 And the other $150 to me is like, okay, now I could either not do the show or make $150 for booking a show, advertising a show, and producing all that show.

02:53:47.000 Wait, it's $15 a ticket times $80?

02:53:49.000 It's usually $15 when Joe does it and $10 when I do it.

02:53:51.000 But I give out so many free tickets that it's usually paper.

02:53:55.000 Not when Joe does it.

02:53:56.000 I give it out when Joe does it, too.

02:53:58.000 Why?

02:53:58.000 You don't have to.

02:53:59.000 I don't have to, usually.

02:54:00.000 But usually, yeah.

02:54:04.000 That's not giving away free tickets.

02:54:05.000 This is what the comedy store does that I like.

02:54:08.000 They split the main room, just the one show, but it's nice.

02:54:11.000 The main room, half goes to the comedy store, half goes to the comedians.

02:54:14.000 Let me say something.

02:54:16.000 Here's how you avoid all this.

02:54:17.000 Don't actually do the show at all.

02:54:19.000 That's what I want to do.

02:54:21.000 This is how you avoid all this forever.

02:54:22.000 Be infallibly generous.

02:54:26.000 Be generous to the point where they can't infallibly.

02:54:30.000 Do it to the point where they can't argue against it.

02:54:32.000 Be generous to the point where you're not saying, you know, I'm going to make $150 because I feel like I deserve it.

02:54:38.000 No, no, no, you know what I want to do?

02:54:40.000 You're right.

02:54:40.000 You know what that makes me want to do?

02:54:42.000 Not do it at all. 0.99

02:54:42.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

02:54:43.000 Okay, but Brian, that's a very defensive stance, especially when you're talking to me. 0.99

02:54:48.000 And the reason that people are going to the show is because I'm headlining and I'm promoting it on my Twitter.

02:54:53.000 Obviously, it's not a bad thing, man.

02:54:56.000 Look, you should make some money.

02:54:57.000 You should make some money.

02:54:58.000 You know what?

02:54:58.000 I don't do it for money.

02:54:59.000 I don't want anything to do it for money, but I also don't want to do anything like that for free because I consider that work.

02:55:03.000 Then you're doing it for money.

02:55:05.000 If you don't want to do it for free, then you're doing it for money.

02:55:06.000 You should be paid...

02:55:07.000 I can't do it.

02:55:08.000 Then, okay, man, listen, you're sounding like a little kid.

02:55:11.000 This is craziness, because I'm not being mad at you at all.

02:55:13.000 No, but people are attacking me on podcasts.

02:55:15.000 No one here is attacking you, bro.

02:55:17.000 You and I are friends.

02:55:19.000 We're like brothers, okay?

02:55:20.000 Ari's like a brother.

02:55:21.000 We're all here together.

02:55:22.000 We're trying to talk, but you're, like, really trigger-strung.

02:55:25.000 And one of the reasons is because you feel like they're attacking you for this choice, and you're trying to defend this choice.

02:55:30.000 I am.

02:55:31.000 What I'm saying is the only reason why they even can attack you is because there is a point of view that they're expressing that may be valid.

02:55:38.000 It's the same as South by Southwest where their version is this, like, well, you should want to be here.

02:55:42.000 It's a really fun time.

02:55:43.000 And you're like, yeah, I do want to be there.

02:55:44.000 But it would also be nice if the money you're collecting for these shows in Austin would come to some of us who are doing the shows for you.

02:55:50.000 There's good in having those shows there.

02:55:52.000 I think it's good for the comedy club.

02:55:54.000 I think it's good for the... 0.99

02:55:55.000 First of all, the comedians should be getting paid directly to the comedy club so you don't have to fuck them. 0.99

02:55:58.000 You can easily do that. 0.99

02:56:00.000 You should.

02:56:01.000 That's easy.

02:56:02.000 Well, that's what I'll plan on doing.

02:56:03.000 See, honestly, to me in the past...

02:56:04.000 You can easily do that.

02:56:04.000 Have them take each of their checks.

02:56:06.000 To me in the past, honestly, it was more like, you know what? 0.63

02:56:09.000 This isn't how it should be, but right now I'm too busy to fucking sit down, renegotiate this thing that we started a long time ago.

02:56:15.000 Okay, well, that's honest. 0.73

02:56:15.000 That's very honest of you. 0.73

02:56:16.000 And I never did not...

02:56:18.000 I've never...

02:56:19.000 I'm not paid anyone on a show, meaning there was never a show where I didn't pay anybody.

02:56:23.000 Sometimes, Brian, when you get really mad at something, it's because people are right.

02:56:26.000 And it doesn't mean that you're a bad person.

02:56:28.000 It means they might have a point and you need to stand back.

02:56:31.000 This is the reason why I'm pissed off at this, or we're originally pissed off at it.

02:56:35.000 Because I first heard of one of the first things I did was Duncan did this and I did it on a live podcast.

02:56:42.000 He blindsided you.

02:56:43.000 He blindsided me. 0.84

02:56:44.000 And while, if you went to deathsquad.tv, there was a huge fucking link that I did out of the unkindness of my heart. 0.77

02:56:50.000 He didn't ask me to. 0.56

02:56:51.000 No, no, no.

02:56:51.000 But don't, don't.

02:56:51.000 To buy his poster.

02:56:53.000 Okay, hold on.

02:56:54.000 You have this tendency during an argument to bring up something else you've done nice for a person to then And somehow mean, so how dare you bring up this A argument when I've done B and C for you?

02:57:03.000 We have three minutes.

02:57:05.000 He's got a very good point.

02:57:06.000 The only reason I would say that is because in the past I've done a lot for this guy.

02:57:10.000 And instead of just talking to me and going, hey, why don't you do this or that?

02:57:13.000 And I could explain this whole thing I just did to you.

02:57:15.000 And he'd be like, oh, that kind of makes sense.

02:57:16.000 Well, we have three minutes.

02:57:18.000 We have to end this.

02:57:18.000 No, no, no.

02:57:19.000 Listen, we're going to end this part. 0.88

02:57:21.000 We're going to come back and wrap this up because this is too ridiculous.

02:57:23.000 We'll have a little part one and a part two.

02:57:25.000 So let's stop this portion of it and we'll come back with a very informal five minutes.

02:57:31.000 We'll take a little break and we'll come right back.

02:57:33.000 But we need to relax and calm this down because this is really getting crazy.

02:57:37.000 Smoking a J will help that.

02:57:38.000 I like the way you think.

02:57:40.000 So let's pause it right now.

02:57:41.000 Let's thank the Fleshlight.

02:57:43.000 Please go to JoeRogan.net, enter in the code name ROGAN, and save yourself 15% off the number one sex toy for men.

02:57:49.000 And they are our first and original sponsor here at the Joe Rogan Experience Hall. 0.97

02:57:53.000 Thank you also to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T.com, makers of Alpha Brain, New Mood, Shroom Tech, all that shit. 0.92

02:57:59.000 You know what it is. 0.95

02:58:00.000 Go check it out.

02:58:01.000 Go to onit.com.

02:58:02.000 Read up on the stuff.

02:58:03.000 There's the first 30 pills.

02:58:04.000 There's always a 100% money-back guarantee.

02:58:07.000 Use the code name ROGAN and save yourself 10%.

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 01, 2012

Joe Rogan Experience #211 - Ari Shaffir (Part 1)

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript