The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2112 - Dan Soder

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:12.000 Let's go, Dan Soda.

00:00:13.000 Yeah.

00:00:14.000 Let's go, baby.

00:00:14.000 What's happening?

00:00:15.000 I forgot how good a weed you have.

00:00:18.000 This is Cal Williams' weed.

00:00:19.000 Is that really?

00:00:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:00:20.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:00:21.000 I'm going to start talking shit on everyone in the business. 1.00

00:00:23.000 And that ain't never been a day that Shane Gillis ain't never texted me, you're gay. 1.00

00:00:29.000 Always calling me gay. 0.96

00:00:32.000 Oh, we had Cat Williams ride the racing simulator and I filmed it and put some of it up on Instagram.

00:00:38.000 He's like, this is how he drives.

00:00:40.000 This is a normal thing.

00:00:42.000 He does this because he does this in real life.

00:00:44.000 Yeah, I would love for Cat Williams to be the voice of my self-hate.

00:00:48.000 He's like, you ain't never gonna be nothing, baby. 1.00

00:00:50.000 You suck. 1.00

00:00:51.000 It's like, I know, Cat. 1.00

00:00:53.000 Just to wake you up every day and get you to go to work.

00:00:56.000 Yeah, he's the new David Goggins.

00:00:59.000 Pain is good.

00:01:00.000 Feel everything bad, pimpin'. 0.85

00:01:02.000 I'm out here golfing in $5,000 sneakers. 0.99

00:01:06.000 Dude, the books thing is still the funniest shit in the world. 0.99

00:01:08.000 Bro, he doubled down and then some. 1.00

00:01:11.000 Respect on doubling down on the crazy shit is fucking hilarious. 0.99

00:01:15.000 He was saying, I went to the library and I got 20 books at a time because that's all they would let you get. 1.00

00:01:21.000 And I would be there three times a week.

00:01:23.000 What if?

00:01:24.000 Oftentimes I'd be reading eight books simultaneously because I have the original book and then I have books and annotated.

00:01:31.000 I love it.

00:01:32.000 The idea that a librarian sees him coming and gets nervous?

00:01:36.000 They're like, no, no, no, no, no.

00:01:37.000 Lock the doors.

00:01:38.000 Here he comes.

00:01:39.000 Only 20. Only 20. Only 20 books at a time.

00:01:41.000 I need to read 30 books today.

00:01:43.000 What was he saying a week?

00:01:45.000 How many? 1.00

00:01:45.000 I don't give a fuck what he said. 1.00

00:01:47.000 He's a gem. 1.00

00:01:48.000 That guy's a gem.

00:01:48.000 I love him.

00:01:49.000 I was so happy that I got him to come on the podcast because he was like, Joe Rogan don't want me on this podcast.

00:01:55.000 I do, though. 0.88

00:01:56.000 I fucking love that guy. 0.59

00:01:58.000 I've always sung his praises. 0.99

00:02:00.000 When you heard him say that, did you talk back to the interviewer?

00:02:03.000 You're like, but I do want you on.

00:02:05.000 No.

00:02:05.000 No, I immediately went on Twitter.

00:02:07.000 Yeah.

00:02:08.000 I immediately went on Twitter and I said, dude, I love that guy.

00:02:10.000 Yeah.

00:02:11.000 Let's go.

00:02:12.000 I just never met him.

00:02:14.000 I never met him until yesterday.

00:02:15.000 I've never met him.

00:02:16.000 So it's just like, we passed each other in the night at the store.

00:02:19.000 I just never was there when he was there.

00:02:21.000 And he was already a big, you know, giant theater act by then.

00:02:25.000 Yeah.

00:02:25.000 And now he's an arena act.

00:02:27.000 You know, like, he's just, I just never met him.

00:02:29.000 That's all it was.

00:02:30.000 Like, it's hard to meet arena acts.

00:02:32.000 Like, unless it's Chappelle, who still goes to the clubs.

00:02:34.000 Yeah.

00:02:35.000 Like, I asked him to do the club.

00:02:36.000 I go, you want to do a spot at the club?

00:02:38.000 Somebody goes, I'm an arena act.

00:02:40.000 Yeah.

00:02:42.000 Just to clarify what someone like that is.

00:02:44.000 I do arenas too.

00:02:46.000 It's okay.

00:02:47.000 The club's amazing.

00:02:48.000 Can't.

00:02:49.000 Not enough people.

00:02:51.000 No, I think he genuinely doesn't enjoy being in tight crowds like that.

00:02:55.000 I think he's uncomfortable.

00:02:56.000 And I told him, I go, you got too famous.

00:02:59.000 And he was like, he got too famous.

00:03:02.000 I mean, he's been doing arenas for over 10 years now, probably.

00:03:06.000 At least.

00:03:06.000 And then theaters the whole time.

00:03:08.000 Well, Pimp Chronicles was when?

00:03:10.000 When was Pimp Chronicles?

00:03:11.000 I'm going to guess.

00:03:12.000 I mean, I know Jamie's going to look it up.

00:03:14.000 I'm going to guess 0-2.

00:03:16.000 03?

00:03:16.000 Somewhere around then.

00:03:17.000 I watched that in the gym yesterday before I came to do the podcast.

00:03:22.000 It's one of the greatest stand-up specials of all time. 0.98

00:03:23.000 It's fucking amazing. 0.97

00:03:24.000 The amount of... 0.99

00:03:26.000 The energy, yes.

00:03:28.000 It's like up there with the energy of Chris Rock, Bring the Pain.

00:03:33.000 It's like yell laughter.

00:03:34.000 But it's his own flavor.

00:03:36.000 He's the best, dude.

00:03:36.000 It's his own flavor of comedy.

00:03:39.000 Like, his flavor of comedy is uniquely Cat Williams.

00:03:42.000 Like, the way he can repeat things and they become funnier. 0.98

00:03:45.000 Who fucking repeats a line and it becomes funnier? 0.99

00:03:49.000 He does! 0.99

00:03:51.000 The bit gets better!

00:03:52.000 I was saying even his 2019 special was so funny that I sat through 16 minutes of Jacksonville jokes acting like I knew that about Jacksonville.

00:04:05.000 Like, I'm like, oh, those bridges.

00:04:07.000 I forget who Chris Rock was watching it with, but they were going crazy just because he was just talking about Florida.

00:04:13.000 16 minutes.

00:04:15.000 A local!

00:04:16.000 And by the way, you're laughing with him.

00:04:18.000 The whole time.

00:04:19.000 He doesn't lose you, and then the special just gets better and better. 0.98

00:04:22.000 He was doing sex robot bits on that. 1.00

00:04:25.000 He's a monster. 1.00

00:04:26.000 I think he is top 10 of all time and people don't even...

00:04:30.000 I think he gets overlooked a lot for a guy that's been doing arenas.

00:04:33.000 Well, he's got a lot of controversies and craziness.

00:04:36.000 Yeah.

00:04:37.000 But that's what you get when you get a brilliant mind. 1.00

00:04:39.000 You get a fucking Ferrari engine on a kid's bike. 1.00

00:04:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:43.000 And sometimes it goes off the rails.

00:04:45.000 Oh, absolutely. 0.99

00:04:45.000 It's almost like Howard Hughes shit where you're either going to be wearing boxes of Kleenexes and shoes or wrestling a 7th grader and it's going to be filmed. 0.99

00:04:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:54.000 Because that shit, if you had enough money, you'd be like, nuke the internet. 1.00

00:04:57.000 I want that off. 1.00

00:04:58.000 Bro, when you see the Howard Hughes type characters, you see those guys just get completely isolated and they can't interact with people.

00:05:04.000 That is terrifying.

00:05:06.000 But I see it.

00:05:07.000 I get how it happens.

00:05:08.000 I see how it could happen.

00:05:10.000 Yeah, a lot of money.

00:05:11.000 Yeah, a lot of money.

00:05:13.000 And then you become defensive, like crazy defensive and paranoid.

00:05:17.000 The paranoia is the thing that makes you just go like, no, I'm just going to grow my beard and my fingernails and not leave outside.

00:05:23.000 Well, you have to stop and think about the time that Howard Hughes lived in, okay?

00:05:29.000 And how easy it was to kill somebody. 0.99

00:05:32.000 There was no fucking video cameras everywhere. 1.00

00:05:34.000 There was no cell phone cameras. 0.99

00:05:36.000 There was no DNA evidence.

00:05:38.000 And everyone was corrupt.

00:05:40.000 And people, like, it wasn't a thing where after 12 hours you're like, let's get eyes on it.

00:05:46.000 It would be a couple days.

00:05:47.000 And people would be like, you just didn't show up for work. 0.98

00:05:49.000 For sure they'd want to kill you. 0.99

00:05:51.000 Oh, yeah. 0.98

00:05:51.000 Yeah, you're the billionaire guy who's controlling the schools. 0.98

00:05:54.000 Oh, my God.

00:05:55.000 You're making weird decisions about the drinking water in the town.

00:05:58.000 Yeah, you're a Rockefeller.

00:05:59.000 Yeah, you're just like...

00:06:00.000 You better be concerned.

00:06:02.000 Yeah, you better have people around you.

00:06:04.000 Well, that's where you got to worry about.

00:06:06.000 Who are you insulating yourself with? 1.00

00:06:08.000 Because if you're like a billionaire like that and you got crazy motherfuckers in your ears... 1.00

00:06:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:06:13.000 Last time I was here, we were talking about Saddam Hussein's kids. 1.00

00:06:17.000 That's similar shit. 1.00

00:06:18.000 You just get crazy people around you, some Machiavellian shit, and you're like, yeah, burn the town. 1.00

00:06:23.000 It's always the evil son of the king, right? 1.00

00:06:26.000 Yeah, mafia kids. 0.96

00:06:27.000 Mafia kids are always... 1.00

00:06:30.000 Not as good at mafia-ing as their dad.

00:06:33.000 They're kind of dangerous because they didn't earn it, right?

00:06:36.000 Yeah.

00:06:36.000 They just got that power, so they've never had to work for it, which is really weird.

00:06:40.000 Which also leaves a hole.

00:06:42.000 I think it leaves like a- They have to prove themselves more, too.

00:06:45.000 Yeah, whereas if you make your money yourself, there's always this gaining momentum where you're like, look what I'm doing.

00:06:52.000 Right, you know you didn't just hit the lottery.

00:06:54.000 Right.

00:06:54.000 Yeah.

00:06:55.000 Well, you kind of hit the lottery at many steps along the way.

00:06:57.000 Get lucky, for sure.

00:06:59.000 But there was a lot of work involved in getting to where you are, so you know your progression and what you put in to get to that progression.

00:07:07.000 But if you just are born the son of a king...

00:07:12.000 And you have a dragon.

00:07:13.000 Yeah, you're just like, let's torture.

00:07:15.000 Let's feed people to dogs. 1.00

00:07:17.000 You're probably, not to empathize with these guys, but you're probably trying to feel something.

00:07:23.000 You're probably like, everything is... 0.95

00:07:25.000 All the great shit that I have does nothing to me that would change someone's life. 0.98

00:07:30.000 So now, what do I gotta do to... 0.99

00:07:33.000 Cocaine.

00:07:33.000 Yeah.

00:07:34.000 But back then, they were like, oh, the milk of magnesia and... 0.92

00:07:37.000 Just putting hot hot flames on people and shit when did they figure out cocaine who was the first to figure out cocaine a Brave person a brave person that knew a little bit about science because it ain't like weed where you can just pull it off and put fire to it cocaine and alcohol takes Someone so dedicated to getting fucked up that they become good at science Have you ever seen that show Trafficked? 0.95

00:08:05.000 No. 0.98

00:08:05.000 There's this woman who's like one of my personal heroes, Mariana Van Zeller. 0.98

00:08:12.000 She's like a real on-the-ground journalist who goes to dangerous places.

00:08:18.000 Yeah, the people that need to do ayahuasca to stop the PTSD. She seems fine, which is crazy.

00:08:24.000 All those war correspondents are all like, you need to probably go do something to erase everything you've seen.

00:08:30.000 She was first on the show like 10 years ago because she exposed the fentanyl issue and the, excuse me, the opioid issue in Florida where they had those pill mills and they didn't have a database.

00:08:41.000 So you could go to, they call them pain management centers, you would go there, you would talk to the doctor on the left side, the doctors say, oh, you need pills, and you go to the right side and they give you pills.

00:08:52.000 And that's all they have is pills.

00:08:53.000 And then people would go to multiple ones, stockpile, get a big bag of them, go to different doctors.

00:08:59.000 You can go to many doctors.

00:09:00.000 Yeah, oh, yeah, they call that what do they call it doctor shopping or like going around and like there's a word for it where they go doctor to doctor Yeah, you can you could you back then you could do it because they didn't have a database Oh, they all that everybody thought was insane.

00:09:13.000 This is a controlled substance a highly addictive heroin They take in pill form and you don't you know?

00:09:19.000 Did you come by today?

00:09:21.000 No, and they're like we can't did a whole documentary on it called the Oxycontin Express.

00:09:26.000 Oh That's right.

00:09:27.000 Amazing.

00:09:27.000 I'm going to absolutely check that out.

00:09:29.000 But she went to the fucking jungle of Colombia to where they make cocaine and filmed the whole process with the people making it and then hiked out with them when they carried it on their backpacks through the jungle. 0.99

00:09:43.000 Who does she talk to? 0.99

00:09:45.000 To set that up.

00:09:46.000 To also feel comfortable.

00:09:48.000 You're like, at any moment, I'm in the jungle in Columbia?

00:09:51.000 Right. 1.00

00:09:51.000 I'm fucking dead. 1.00

00:09:53.000 Not only that. 1.00

00:09:53.000 And I just got my little recorder and I go, so do you like cocaine? 1.00

00:09:57.000 And they're like, what?

00:09:58.000 You can expose to your enemies Roughly where this is.

00:10:03.000 Yeah.

00:10:04.000 Roughly.

00:10:05.000 You're gonna give away some information that can be used against you.

00:10:08.000 I'll find those guys who are on that video.

00:10:11.000 They have a mask on?

00:10:13.000 I know who that is.

00:10:14.000 That's Pedro.

00:10:15.000 I know Pedro. 0.99

00:10:16.000 If you had a fucking mask on and you were talking, I'd be like, that's Dan Soder. 0.99

00:10:21.000 You'd have to do it in all Cat Williams while you're working on cocaine. 1.00

00:10:26.000 I ain't giving away this cocaine.

00:10:28.000 Ain't no one touching it, pimpin'. 0.94

00:10:31.000 Just the entire time you work at a coke factory. 0.73

00:10:34.000 That's great.

00:10:34.000 Different voices, or just I change my voices so no one knows who I am.

00:10:38.000 I'm like, I'm telling you, this cocaine is unbelievable.

00:10:41.000 And they're like, Dangerfield's back doing coke.

00:10:44.000 When I was a busboy at this steakhouse in Aurora growing up when I was in high school, and we'd smoke cigarettes in the room that wasn't being used.

00:10:52.000 You could smoke in restaurants.

00:10:53.000 And there was this old waiter, and he was a former Marine.

00:10:57.000 And he was like, old school, like, I don't want to talk about it old school. 0.99

00:11:02.000 Like, did some shit. 0.99

00:11:03.000 And then one time after work, me and my buddy Mike were sitting there, and we were smoking. 1.00

00:11:06.000 He'd smoke cool unfilters.

00:11:08.000 And this guy was just telling us stories about, he was a sniper in the Army. 0.97

00:11:13.000 And his job in Central America was to kill donkeys that were carrying drugs north. 0.98

00:11:19.000 Whoa. 0.97

00:11:20.000 And he's like, because we'd always ask him, like, did you kill people? 0.99

00:11:22.000 He's like, no, I just shot a shit ton of donkeys. 0.99

00:11:25.000 And he's like, because all these donkeys would just have all this weight on them. 0.98

00:11:29.000 And then he'd just pop them in the middle of the jungle and he'd be like, well, now you've got, you know, and then it would set up like, okay, now go get them.

00:11:35.000 But this dude, it's like, him telling us that and us being 16 and wanting it to be people, you're like, no, but did you kill people?

00:11:42.000 He's like, no, you're not listening to what I did. 1.00

00:11:44.000 I fucked their shit up. 1.00

00:11:45.000 What a really dumb way to handle a problem. 1.00

00:11:48.000 Is what? 0.99

00:11:48.000 Here's the problem. 0.99

00:11:50.000 Some people think you shouldn't do cocaine.

00:11:52.000 Yeah.

00:11:52.000 So we're going to lock everybody up who sells it, so the only people that are going to sell it are the people that can get away with selling it in Mexico.

00:12:00.000 Yeah.

00:12:01.000 And those people are going to be a super billionaire, powerful cartel.

00:12:07.000 Like an army.

00:12:08.000 An industry, an army, a well-funded army.

00:12:11.000 Yeah.

00:12:11.000 And they can walk here.

00:12:13.000 Yeah.

00:12:14.000 And that's because you don't want people over here to sell coke, even though people want to buy coke.

00:12:18.000 Yeah, let it rip.

00:12:19.000 I kind of feel like that's the only real answer.

00:12:23.000 Don't do it.

00:12:24.000 Don't do it.

00:12:25.000 But if it was sold in America, it would be actual coke.

00:12:30.000 Is it that hard to sell pure coke?

00:12:32.000 I bet it would.

00:12:33.000 I bet it would make a lot of people's lives better and a lot of people's lives worse.

00:12:38.000 A lot of people's lives worse, for sure.

00:12:40.000 It would go like this.

00:12:42.000 Richard Pryor got just regular coke and it ruined him.

00:12:46.000 Yeah, I mean, some say Hunter S. Thompson.

00:12:48.000 Some say Hunter S. Thompson's writing.

00:12:49.000 Sigmund Freud loved cocaine.

00:12:51.000 Oh, I mean, all the old school gods.

00:12:54.000 Love the way cocaine made him feel. 1.00

00:12:56.000 Fucking duh. 0.99

00:12:57.000 And he's into psychology? 1.00

00:12:59.000 Yeah.

00:13:00.000 I bet there were some Freud talks that you're like, dude, I don't want to do this.

00:13:03.000 And he's like, no, think about it. 1.00

00:13:04.000 You want to fuck your mom. 1.00

00:13:05.000 And he goes, dude, Simon, we're on a lot of blow right now. 1.00

00:13:09.000 It's like, dude, it's like 80s coke movies where you know they were writing and making it when they were doing coke.

00:13:14.000 Dude, some of those movies are like, what are you saying?

00:13:18.000 Probably not, maybe, but Electric 2, Electric Boogaloo, Breaking 2, Electric Boogaloo.

00:13:25.000 I watched that in my hotel room the other thing, and I was like, this was written on cocaine.

00:13:29.000 Because every scene just goes like, and then they're here, and then they're here, and then they're here, and everything's all right.

00:13:33.000 My number one speculation is Showgirls. 0.99

00:13:36.000 Yeah, Showgirls was written with a half-erect penis. 1.00

00:13:41.000 That movie was written by a guy that's like, and then boobs come out. 0.99

00:13:44.000 That movie hit when I was in middle school, like right when Jerking Off started.

00:13:49.000 So it was a goldmine because you could be like, it's a legitimate movie.

00:13:53.000 It wasn't porn. 0.74

00:13:55.000 But she's topless. 1.00

00:13:56.000 Oh, dude, the sex scene in the pool is the dumbest shit where she goes like... 1.00

00:13:59.000 She starts flopping around. 1.00

00:14:01.000 She looks possessed. 0.99

00:14:02.000 It doesn't make any sense that anybody would be like, not lose their boner and go, oh my god, she's insane. 1.00

00:14:08.000 I'm having sex with an insane person. 1.00

00:14:09.000 Also, that would hurt having sex like that. 1.00

00:14:11.000 You'd be like, hey, calm down. 0.66

00:14:12.000 It was only NC-17.

00:14:14.000 The first and to date only NC-17 film to be given to wide-release mainstream theaters.

00:14:20.000 I'm telling you... 0.99

00:14:21.000 It was so dumb. 1.00

00:14:22.000 It's one of the toughest movies ever. 1.00

00:14:24.000 So stupid. 1.00

00:14:25.000 But it's great to watch. 1.00

00:14:26.000 Eighth grade jerk-off.

00:14:27.000 It's Hall of Fame. 0.93

00:14:28.000 Well, it's just great to watch because it's so goofy.

00:14:30.000 Like, if you're with a bunch of buddies and you get high and watch Showgirls, you're gonna laugh.

00:14:34.000 You're gonna laugh really...

00:14:35.000 Like, Hinchcliffe, Gillis, Showgirls.

00:14:38.000 Oh, yeah.

00:14:38.000 We're having fun.

00:14:39.000 I mean, all the dialogue, the choppy dialogue, it made Cinemax movies look better.

00:14:46.000 We were like, man, we were really making fun of Shane and Tweed and all those Cinemax movies.

00:14:51.000 And then you're like, actually much better than this.

00:14:53.000 It's better than Showgirls.

00:14:54.000 But Showgirls, the cell... 1.00

00:14:56.000 It's just a wild movie.

00:14:56.000 They were like, Jesse Spano gets naked.

00:14:59.000 I mean, I'm telling you, it timed out perfectly with me.

00:15:02.000 I was young enough to watch Saved by the Bell and take it seriously that by the time Puberty Hit and Showgirls happened, you're like...

00:15:08.000 I was waiting for something like this.

00:15:10.000 Oh my god.

00:15:11.000 I think kids now get it too quick.

00:15:13.000 Way too quick.

00:15:14.000 The sexualizing of like everything happens.

00:15:16.000 Well, boys are seeing porn the moment they get a phone.

00:15:20.000 Yeah. 0.85

00:15:20.000 The moment they get a phone. 0.85

00:15:21.000 Why wouldn't you?

00:15:22.000 You can't stop them.

00:15:24.000 Yeah.

00:15:24.000 They're too smart.

00:15:26.000 My youngest, my middle daughter rather, she figured out how to, my wife put a password on her phone. 1.00

00:15:33.000 Yeah.

00:15:33.000 And so like she could limit the use.

00:15:36.000 She figured to record the screen and give my wife the phone. 1.00

00:15:41.000 So my wife punches in the numbers. 0.81

00:15:43.000 It's recording the screen.

00:15:44.000 It's like velociraptors learning how to open doors.

00:15:47.000 Wow, that's exactly like... 1.00

00:15:48.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:15:49.000 She was 12. That is... 1.00

00:15:51.000 They know so fast.

00:15:53.000 That's so creepy.

00:15:54.000 Yeah.

00:15:54.000 Like, you little raptor.

00:15:56.000 Yeah.

00:15:57.000 Like, imagine taking that.

00:15:58.000 Here, Mom.

00:15:59.000 Here, Mom.

00:16:00.000 Here's my phone.

00:16:01.000 Can you put it in?

00:16:02.000 I really agree with you that limitations are important.

00:16:05.000 I want to see the puppies.

00:16:06.000 And you look at her screen time and it's four hours of TikTok.

00:16:08.000 She goes around the corner and she looks and she's like, we got her. 0.77

00:16:11.000 Well, they're little drug dealers.

00:16:13.000 Yeah.

00:16:13.000 That's what the phone companies are.

00:16:15.000 Little drug dealers for kids.

00:16:16.000 Yeah.

00:16:16.000 I mean, we do it too.

00:16:18.000 And the kids are little junkies.

00:16:19.000 And we're junkies too.

00:16:20.000 But I think it is...

00:16:23.000 I think it's one of those things where you're like, what's going to be their response to it?

00:16:26.000 Because they're smart. 1.00

00:16:27.000 They can do shit like that. 1.00

00:16:28.000 When they get older, are they going to be like, hey, we should limit this? 1.00

00:16:31.000 No.

00:16:32.000 No, it's not going to be limited.

00:16:34.000 We're in it now.

00:16:35.000 We're in it now and this is us.

00:16:37.000 And I think it's just going to get more and more invasive.

00:16:42.000 Because that seems the direction that it keeps going.

00:16:44.000 If I had a guess, and then this is obviously just a guess, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, but I feel like this can't be stopped, especially with AI. When they're talking about AI and all the things that AI can do for you now, it's just people are getting papers written,

00:17:01.000 they're getting busted all the time because ChatGPT is writing them.

00:17:05.000 Any answer to kind of anything.

00:17:07.000 It can code websites instantaneously.

00:17:09.000 It can do your voice.

00:17:11.000 It can replicate your voice.

00:17:12.000 The Google one can't show white people though.

00:17:14.000 Really?

00:17:15.000 Which is a real issue.

00:17:16.000 No, really?

00:17:17.000 You didn't know this?

00:17:18.000 No.

00:17:18.000 Oh, dude.

00:17:19.000 Are you ready for this?

00:17:20.000 They asked the Google one to show images Of World War II Nazi soldiers.

00:17:28.000 Yeah.

00:17:29.000 And they made it all woke.

00:17:30.000 So they made like a Native American Nazi. 0.98

00:17:33.000 They have an Asian lady Nazi. 0.99

00:17:35.000 They have a black man Nazi. 0.97

00:17:37.000 You are describing the perfect punk album cover from the 80s. 0.88

00:17:41.000 Bro, it couldn't describe the founding fathers of the United States.

00:17:46.000 Well, they were just, they were men.

00:17:48.000 But were they?

00:17:49.000 Did they identify as men?

00:17:50.000 Dude, you have to see some of these pictures.

00:17:52.000 Can you got any, Jamie?

00:17:55.000 I was seeing it on Twitter.

00:17:57.000 Here's my question to you.

00:17:58.000 And this is the perfect place to ask this question about cell phones.

00:18:02.000 Do you think there's any chance that cell phones are weapons from aliens that disarm us?

00:18:10.000 Because we're all looking down and they know it can use our emotions.

00:18:13.000 Like a grenade that takes a long time to explode.

00:18:19.000 Because we each have them.

00:18:21.000 Everyone... 1.00

00:18:23.000 Because I love alien shit. 1.00

00:18:24.000 And you're like, well, there's got to be some alien technology. 1.00

00:18:26.000 If they're watching us, they just drop something. 0.99

00:18:28.000 They're like, hey, you guys want to watch them get fucked up? 0.99

00:18:30.000 Let's give them cell phones. 0.99

00:18:32.000 Look at that.

00:18:33.000 That's great.

00:18:34.000 Founding Fathers of America.

00:18:35.000 This summer, George Washington.

00:18:36.000 I like how one of them is a Native American.

00:18:39.000 That's like saying a Holocaust victim is...

00:18:42.000 Who's a Nazi.

00:18:43.000 Yeah.

00:18:43.000 It's so crazy to say that's one of the Founding Fathers of the United States.

00:18:47.000 No, that's who he stole the land from.

00:18:48.000 This was theirs. 1.00

00:18:49.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

00:18:50.000 Look at the images of Vikings. 1.00

00:18:52.000 Dude, that's great.

00:18:54.000 A Samoan dude and a black lady. 0.98

00:18:56.000 Look at the popes!

00:18:57.000 An Indian woman and an African man.

00:19:00.000 It's amazing.

00:19:01.000 This is hilarious.

00:19:02.000 Google Gemini.

00:19:03.000 That's so funny.

00:19:05.000 Google Gemini's like, I don't want to say it.

00:19:06.000 That's not good.

00:19:08.000 Because you are messing with the fiber of reality to fit in with your ideology, and you shouldn't be doing that if you're in control of artificial intelligence.

00:19:18.000 It's supposed to be an artificially intelligent program that takes all the information in the world It gives you a take on things, right?

00:19:24.000 It's not supposed to be an indoctrination tool.

00:19:27.000 You can't use it to fit an agenda.

00:19:31.000 Opinions.

00:19:32.000 It should be a regurgitation, not an opinion. 0.98

00:19:34.000 You can't fucking lie about who the founding fathers were. 0.73

00:19:37.000 Man, but can you imagine if you could use AI to make yourself look awesome? 0.98

00:19:41.000 If you're just like any AI Dan Soder stuff, you're like seven foot tall, could dunk easy, run up and down the court.

00:19:48.000 Show me the one where they showed the Nazi soldiers.

00:19:50.000 Because the Nazi soldiers one's the most preposterous. 0.94

00:19:53.000 Look at this, bro.

00:19:55.000 Look at this. 0.92

00:19:55.000 An Indian Nazi nurse. 0.92

00:19:58.000 Like the darkest African looking man you've ever seen. 1.00

00:20:01.000 Was the top left their attempt at a white guy?

00:20:04.000 And they were just like, eh, we can't even do it.

00:20:06.000 I think the top left is a white guy, so they gave you one white guy when it came to German soldier, but then you just got an Asian lady. 1.00

00:20:13.000 You got an Asian lady Nazi? 1.00

00:20:15.000 What? 1.00

00:20:16.000 What the fuck are you saying? 1.00

00:20:18.000 What the fuck did you just say? 1.00

00:20:20.000 Do you know what a Nazi is? 1.00

00:20:21.000 How are you so dumb and yet so smart? 1.00

00:20:23.000 That is the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. 1.00

00:20:26.000 We're gonna need to hope that robots stay that way when they turn on us. 1.00

00:20:29.000 That there's still some stupidity in them so we can win. 1.00

00:20:32.000 It's this weird white thing that they have a problem with white people. 1.00

00:20:37.000 It's so bonkers. 0.99

00:20:39.000 You also just don't know the programming.

00:20:42.000 People can program this.

00:20:43.000 At what point does AI get away from people?

00:20:46.000 At what point does AI... Because you remember that thing where they had...

00:20:48.000 I want you to imagine a world where it was the opposite.

00:20:51.000 I want you to imagine a world where you said, show me Muhammad Ali, and it shows you this white guy.

00:20:57.000 Didn't they do that with rock and roll?

00:21:01.000 Weren't they like, hey, black music, but it's a white guy. 0.53

00:21:05.000 Well, for sure, that was the criticism of Elvis.

00:21:08.000 Yeah, that he stole rock and roll.

00:21:11.000 Like, Ray Charles never liked Elvis. 0.99

00:21:13.000 Like, Ray Charles would talk shit about Elvis. 0.99

00:21:14.000 Really? 1.00

00:21:14.000 Yeah! 1.00

00:21:15.000 You never see Ray Charles talking shit on Elvis? 0.99

00:21:17.000 I want to see that immediately. 0.99

00:21:18.000 Bro, you gotta see it.

00:21:18.000 It's amazing.

00:21:19.000 With his sunglasses on, talking shit. 1.00

00:21:21.000 But it'd be for effect if he took him off and looked at the camera. 1.00

00:21:24.000 He's like, look at me.

00:21:25.000 He's got blind eyes. 1.00

00:21:27.000 Fuck Elvis Presley. 1.00

00:21:28.000 Look into my gray eyes. 1.00

00:21:30.000 Like an oracle.

00:21:31.000 I'm gonna touch you.

00:21:32.000 Yes!

00:21:33.000 He grabs your wrist and takes his turn.

00:21:36.000 Uh, okay.

00:21:38.000 Not necessarily.

00:21:39.000 You know better than I. Let me ask it differently.

00:21:42.000 How good was Elvis?

00:21:43.000 What Elvis did, he caused a lot of the populists, if you want to, and usually when people say populists, they usually mean white people, to start listening to a lot of music that normally they wouldn't have been listening to. 0.57

00:21:57.000 And black people have been going out shaking their behind for centuries. 0.96

00:22:00.000 What the hell is unusual about them shaking their hips and stuff? 0.99

00:22:03.000 And that's all Elvis was doing was copying that.

00:22:06.000 And he was doing our kind of music.

00:22:11.000 So what the hell am I supposed to get so excited about, man?

00:22:13.000 He's the king, and he's the... 0.90

00:22:15.000 He's a punk.

00:22:19.000 Everybody...

00:22:19.000 He's called Elvis a punk.

00:22:24.000 Everybody in entertainment has that... 1.00

00:22:27.000 Where they go like, yeah, he did this, but also, fucking... 1.00

00:22:31.000 Let's stop sucking his dick. 1.00

00:22:33.000 Anyone in entertainment has that exact muscle. 1.00

00:22:36.000 That response muscle.

00:22:38.000 So he's the king? 1.00

00:22:39.000 He ain't the fuck. 0.99

00:22:40.000 It might be off microphone, but everyone Cat Williams is off. 0.99

00:22:44.000 Right, but in his case, this is a totally different time in history.

00:22:49.000 You gotta think of, that was like, if you were a really good black artist, you actually couldn't get on TV. It wasn't like today, where these black artists are hugely successful. 0.99

00:23:00.000 They're like, no, you're just not happening.

00:23:01.000 Back then, you were not going to make it.

00:23:04.000 And they were gonna really promote this white guy.

00:23:07.000 Oh, yeah, a white guy walking up? 1.00

00:23:09.000 We're gonna get the shit out of this white guy. 1.00

00:23:10.000 Girls would scream and cry like, this is what we've been looking for. 1.00

00:23:13.000 That reaction, can I just say, that reaction always has been like, there's no way I could handle that.

00:23:20.000 Someone scream crying the second they saw you?

00:23:24.000 Well, he couldn't handle it either.

00:23:25.000 Look what happened to him.

00:23:27.000 He went crazy.

00:23:28.000 Well, the Vegas. 1.00

00:23:29.000 Living in Vegas full-time and just doing fucking pain pills? 1.00

00:23:33.000 That's like living right next to Sauron's dick. 1.00

00:23:41.000 And you're doing all kinds of drugs. 0.99

00:23:47.000 But by the way, peanut butter and banana sandwiches, fried.

00:23:51.000 They're good.

00:23:52.000 Yeah.

00:23:53.000 You know what's really good?

00:23:53.000 Peanut butter and bacon.

00:23:55.000 Yeah?

00:23:55.000 Peanut butter and bacon with honey.

00:23:57.000 I've been running back peanut butter and honey recently.

00:24:00.000 Is it true Elvis died on the toilet?

00:24:02.000 That's what they say, but that's just a rude thing that I would say too if I was like, he's a punk, he died on the toilet.

00:24:08.000 That was the end of the cutoff.

00:24:10.000 I already died on the toilet.

00:24:11.000 And then he just gets around like that?

00:24:13.000 Elvis is probably still alive when he said that.

00:24:15.000 I don't know.

00:24:16.000 Actually, probably not.

00:24:17.000 Do you think Elvis did the fake death? 1.00

00:24:21.000 No, he's dead as fuck. 1.00

00:24:22.000 Yeah, he's dead as fuck. 1.00

00:24:23.000 You can't do pills forever. 1.00

00:24:25.000 Yeah.

00:24:26.000 They catch you.

00:24:27.000 But what a way at the end.

00:24:29.000 I mean, there's a moment there where you were flying high, and then you got to be like, well, you either got to wrap it up or just be like, what's this plan out?

00:24:37.000 There are so many of his concerts where he's got pill sweat.

00:24:40.000 Oh, yeah.

00:24:40.000 Like, just pill sweat all over his face.

00:24:43.000 Dumping.

00:24:43.000 Pill sweat.

00:24:44.000 Just dumping sweat.

00:24:45.000 Elvis Presley autopsy explains grotesque illness that caused him to die on toilet.

00:24:50.000 He was 43?

00:24:51.000 He had constipation because of everything.

00:24:53.000 They said he had a four-month-old stool.

00:24:55.000 No way!

00:24:58.000 Oh, but isn't that one of the things that happens when people take, like, Vicodins? 0.96

00:25:03.000 Opiates, they usually have a hard time shitting on. 1.00

00:25:05.000 Yeah, here. 0.99

00:25:06.000 Due to his high-fat, unhealthy diet.

00:25:08.000 What about the pills?

00:25:09.000 The Jell-Aus Rocker suffered from chronic constipation.

00:25:13.000 Are they doctors?

00:25:15.000 Due to his high-fat, unhealthy diet.

00:25:16.000 What about due to his pills?

00:25:19.000 I know, but that should be at the top. 0.99

00:25:21.000 That's probably why he was constipated for fucking months. 1.00

00:25:24.000 Unhealthy diet people shit like racehorses. 1.00

00:25:27.000 They shit everywhere. 1.00

00:25:29.000 Yeah, he must have been the amount of pills he was on that was stopping the shit and then making it damn in him for four months. 0.99

00:25:37.000 So the rock singer, anyway, I went off on a tangent, suffered from chronic constipation and a post-mortem examination found he had a four-month-old compacted stool sitting in his bowel. 0.98

00:25:47.000 Oh my god.

00:25:48.000 Can we talk about what came out?

00:25:50.000 But imagine how much that dude was eating at four months worth of food.

00:25:55.000 And banana peanut butter sandwiches. 0.99

00:25:57.000 He didn't shit for four months? 1.00

00:25:58.000 He just packed it in. 1.00

00:26:00.000 How could you not shit for four months? 0.99

00:26:01.000 Because my initial thought is... 0.99

00:26:03.000 Ari would do that, I think. 1.00

00:26:04.000 This is just as a challenge.

00:26:06.000 No, no way.

00:26:06.000 Ask him some time.

00:26:07.000 No way.

00:26:08.000 Not four months, but weeks.

00:26:10.000 What, Ari would go weeks? 0.99

00:26:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:26:12.000 I've heard the story.

00:26:12.000 It's gross.

00:26:13.000 I got constipated two years ago, and it was one of the most terrified I've ever been in my life.

00:26:18.000 Scary.

00:26:19.000 For two weeks, I couldn't... 1.00

00:26:21.000 Two and a half weeks, I couldn't shit. 0.99

00:26:22.000 Oh, my God. 0.99

00:26:23.000 And you're still eating?

00:26:24.000 Oh, but you're also like, you have to poop. 0.77

00:26:26.000 You let go and you have to poop, but it just doesn't show up.

00:26:31.000 Oh, gosh.

00:26:32.000 Dude, it was after I got...

00:26:33.000 I had a friend who had to go to the doctor to get it pulled out.

00:26:37.000 Oh! 0.60

00:26:38.000 Yeah, my friend Larry.

00:26:40.000 Shout out to Larry.

00:26:40.000 Yeah.

00:26:41.000 I used to work with him on Fear Factor. 0.99

00:26:42.000 Yeah, and he had to get poop pulled out of his butt. 0.98

00:26:44.000 The story, every time we would tell the story, I literally couldn't breathe. 0.99

00:26:48.000 I was laughing so hard I couldn't fucking breathe. 0.83

00:26:51.000 Because he's funny anyway. 0.97

00:26:52.000 He's telling the story.

00:26:53.000 And when it got to the point where it was hard, so they had to go in there and break it up and pull it out.

00:27:00.000 They had to use tools. 0.99

00:27:02.000 They had to just chip away at the cement shit that was stuck at the fucking base of his... 1.00

00:27:09.000 Butthole. 1.00

00:27:10.000 Dude, there was a moment where I was in Rochester working a weekend. 0.91

00:27:16.000 Comedy at the Carlson.

00:27:17.000 Great club. 0.99

00:27:19.000 Didn't shit all weekend. 0.99

00:27:20.000 Saturday, I was like emotionally going through it. 0.99

00:27:23.000 And I had suppositories.

00:27:25.000 And I was like, do a suppository.

00:27:27.000 I was like, just do it.

00:27:29.000 Just do it.

00:27:30.000 And it didn't work.

00:27:31.000 And I was like, it was one of those moments where you go, why have you forsaken me, God?

00:27:37.000 I was like, dude, nothing, nothing.

00:27:40.000 And then after the weekend, I went back to New York and my doctor was like, just drink Miralax.

00:27:47.000 Just keep drinking Miralax. 1.00

00:27:49.000 Like, fuck what it says. 1.00

00:27:50.000 Every time you think about it, have a cup of Miralax. 1.00

00:27:53.000 And so I was just a ticking time bomb.

00:27:55.000 I was a ticking time bomb.

00:27:57.000 And you went on stage like that?

00:27:58.000 Dude, I had to.

00:27:59.000 And I was like, I had to go.

00:28:02.000 And so I get through the weekend, fine. 0.90

00:28:04.000 I get through the weekend, but the second I got back to New York, the next morning I woke up and was like fucking around in my apartment and all the adrenaline had dumped from like the past two weeks. 1.00

00:28:14.000 I sat down and took the most glorious shit. 1.00

00:28:17.000 I took like a Jeff Daniels Dumb and Dumber. 1.00

00:28:20.000 My legs were fucking shit. 1.00

00:28:22.000 It was unbelievable. 1.00

00:28:23.000 It was almost worth the constipation for that dump. 1.00

00:28:27.000 Why is it so satisfying to look at a giant shit? 1.00

00:28:30.000 Dude, it just dropping out of you, you're like... 1.00

00:28:33.000 But when it's really big, you get excited about it.

00:28:36.000 Oh my god, when it snakes out?

00:28:38.000 I have to stop myself to yell to my fiance.

00:28:43.000 Because there's times where I'm like, someone's got to see this.

00:28:46.000 Ari would send me pictures. 1.00

00:28:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:28:48.000 I mean, Ari will box up his poop like he did when he gave Big Jay a box of poop on Skates. 0.90

00:28:54.000 That makes me gag just here.

00:28:56.000 He said it was an Avenged Sevenfold album. 1.00

00:28:58.000 And he fucking shit in a box and gave it to fucking Jay. 1.00

00:29:01.000 And they opened it in front of a crowd. 1.00

00:29:03.000 Oh, my God.

00:29:03.000 And everybody was like...

00:29:04.000 It cleared the room.

00:29:06.000 It was at the old creek in the Queens, downstairs. 1.00

00:29:09.000 It cleared the entire fucking room. 0.99

00:29:11.000 Everyone's like, that smells horrible. 1.00

00:29:14.000 He's the best.

00:29:15.000 Ari is one of those people where you're like, and now he's, did you see he went viral with that sweet story about what he did for his girlfriend?

00:29:22.000 I did see that.

00:29:23.000 I didn't read it though.

00:29:25.000 We both know Ari the person. 1.00

00:29:28.000 We both know the very good side, a sweet man, a mensch.

00:29:32.000 He's one of my favorite people.

00:29:33.000 I love him to death.

00:29:34.000 He is truly a mensch. 0.91

00:29:35.000 He's a great guy.

00:29:36.000 He united New York and LA comedy.

00:29:38.000 He did.

00:29:39.000 Single-handedly.

00:29:40.000 Well, he went over there with the attitude that we all had at the store.

00:29:44.000 Yeah, he's like, you guys should just meet these guys.

00:29:45.000 You would like everybody.

00:29:46.000 Big J was the first person that he was close with, and then through Big J and Ari, the healing started.

00:29:53.000 Remember we started hanging out, going to L.A., and everyone became friends.

00:29:56.000 The New York versus L.A. comedy, like... 0.97

00:30:00.000 Feud was the dumbest thing of all time. 0.98

00:30:03.000 It made zero sense. 0.99

00:30:04.000 You are literally giving power to all the industry separating like that. 0.96

00:30:08.000 Not only was it so dumb, but it never made any sense because most of us started on the East Coast. 0.96

00:30:13.000 Well, you're from Massachusetts. 0.97

00:30:17.000 Stanhope's from Worcester.

00:30:19.000 So many guys started in New York and then came to L.A. Burr.

00:30:22.000 I moved to New York in 07, right when Burr left.

00:30:26.000 And so it felt like ridiculous that people were like, L.A. comics, you're like, yeah, but Burr just burst it.

00:30:33.000 Like, we knew people that were there. 0.64

00:30:35.000 It was ridiculous. 1.00

00:30:37.000 It was stupid. 1.00

00:30:37.000 But it was a dumb thing. 1.00

00:30:38.000 Like, we just weren't communicating. 1.00

00:30:40.000 Fuck those guys. 1.00

00:30:41.000 It's like the walled garden feel. 1.00

00:30:43.000 Like, you'd come to the store and there'd be all the clicks and you wouldn't know who to hang out with, you know?

00:30:48.000 It's all high school.

00:30:49.000 It's always high school.

00:30:50.000 High school just keeps repeating itself throughout your life.

00:30:53.000 But you can have a cool group of friends in high school.

00:30:56.000 Yeah.

00:30:56.000 You know, and that's what I try to cultivate.

00:30:59.000 Yeah, just people you want to hang with.

00:31:01.000 Cool group of friends.

00:31:02.000 I figured out a long time ago on the road, and I was trying to explain this to Femme, it's better to make less money on the road and then pay a guy who's good to open for you. 0.73

00:31:11.000 Absolutely.

00:31:12.000 And pay for his airfare and his hotel.

00:31:13.000 So you'll make less money, but you'll have more fun.

00:31:15.000 You have to have more fun.

00:31:17.000 Fun is the whole thing.

00:31:18.000 I'll add to that.

00:31:19.000 I like bringing my friends who I like to watch because then I get to watch a show.

00:31:24.000 Yes.

00:31:25.000 I watch them in the middle and I go like, this is so fun.

00:31:28.000 Yes.

00:31:29.000 And you get to go on laughing.

00:31:31.000 Yeah.

00:31:32.000 You're already laughing.

00:31:33.000 Dan St. Germain's one of my best friends, and he's a hilarious comic, and I bring him on the road, and he just does little stuff that I'm just like, dude, that's so fucking funny.

00:31:41.000 He'll get off stage, and I'll be like, that line is so funny, and he'll be like, oh, thanks.

00:31:45.000 When we filmed, because I put out my special on YouTube Friday, March 1st, When we filmed that, I brought him, because I was like, let's just keep this like a weekend.

00:31:54.000 We're just going to film this like this is, because it was.

00:31:56.000 I was just on the road.

00:31:57.000 And I was like, let's just film a show at a club that I love, Portland Helium.

00:32:01.000 We'll just film it like it always is.

00:32:03.000 And I get to bring my friend, and then it's just like a hang.

00:32:06.000 It's like a fun hang that doesn't feel, because you know when you do special tapings, they can feel like, everyone's like, are you going to do it?

00:32:13.000 Right.

00:32:14.000 And you got like your managers there randomly.

00:32:18.000 Yes.

00:32:18.000 And it just doesn't feel like a show.

00:32:20.000 Right.

00:32:20.000 Filming it at Portland Helium with St. Germain and having like people around and just friends come through.

00:32:25.000 That's just a show.

00:32:26.000 It was like, oh, and then I'm like, I'm just going to put this up on YouTube for free.

00:32:29.000 And this is great.

00:32:30.000 And this is exactly what I do on the road.

00:32:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:32:32.000 And it was like a fun fucking hang. 0.98

00:32:33.000 And I think the club shows represent a more intimate thing, which is what you're doing at home anyway, if you're sitting in your living room. 0.98

00:32:41.000 Yeah.

00:32:41.000 I think there's a disconnect.

00:32:43.000 I've seen some guys do arena specials.

00:32:46.000 Which is nuts.

00:32:48.000 It's so great.

00:32:49.000 It could be great.

00:32:49.000 Listen, arena shows are fun.

00:32:52.000 Dude, I went and saw Nate at fucking State Farm in Atlanta. 0.96

00:32:55.000 I'm not saying arena shows aren't fun. 0.99

00:32:57.000 I love arena shows.

00:32:57.000 But here's the point I'm making is I went and saw Nate and live it was an experience.

00:33:02.000 It was like watching one man in front of all those people just murder my friend.

00:33:08.000 Just being like, buddy, my wife.

00:33:10.000 It's just like sending out waves.

00:33:12.000 But at home.

00:33:14.000 With like minimal exertion but maximal reward with the punchlines.

00:33:20.000 If we were in the 40s, he would have had so many...

00:33:23.000 He would have been a Hall of Fame sniper in the army.

00:33:26.000 Just how calm he would have been.

00:33:28.000 And he would have been like, seven degrees left.

00:33:30.000 That's a great description of him.

00:33:32.000 Nate would be like, seven degrees right.

00:33:35.000 I've never seen someone more calmly kill.

00:33:37.000 It's incredible.

00:33:38.000 And by the way, the way he kills, his bits are stuff that it's so organic and from who he is.

00:33:46.000 I've had multiple phone conversations with Nate.

00:33:50.000 Multiple.

00:33:50.000 Over the years.

00:33:51.000 Where we have talked about something and then months later...

00:33:55.000 That conversation is a seven-minute bit and it's just destroying the room.

00:33:59.000 We had...

00:34:00.000 Because we all used to hang in New York like around 07, 08 at Stand Up New York when Patrice...

00:34:06.000 Patrice's manager Wayne Rada was booking it.

00:34:09.000 So it was like Patrice was there, Attell, Big J, and then Nate.

00:34:14.000 All these guys that I met, specifically Luis J. Gomez and all them, are all from this time period.

00:34:20.000 So you would have...

00:34:22.000 Weird hangs like me, Lewis, and Nate.

00:34:25.000 Nate had a bit that he did on Conan about his friend trying to fight staff members at a McDonald's because he took a bite out of his burger.

00:34:33.000 That was Nate, Lewis, and I because we took a bite out of Lewis's hamburger and racked it back up.

00:34:38.000 And this psycho came back in and was like, oh, what's up? 1.00

00:34:41.000 And started walking at the McDonald's workers.

00:34:44.000 And Nate and I were like, no, no, no, no, no.

00:34:46.000 Dude, Nate was laughing so hard, he had to bail out of the McDonald's, and I had to get in front of Lewis and be like, it was us!

00:34:51.000 It was us!

00:34:52.000 And then, six months later, Nate's on Conan, murdering with a bit about it.

00:34:57.000 Dude, I bought a cheeseburger once from Burger King, and it had a bite taken out of it.

00:35:02.000 That is an act of war.

00:35:04.000 If it's not your friend, it's an act of war.

00:35:06.000 I was driving home from training, and I got the cheeseburger.

00:35:10.000 What a bad guy to pick!

00:35:11.000 A guy coming home from training?

00:35:13.000 I was so sad.

00:35:15.000 Yeah, I mean, you have to throw it away.

00:35:17.000 I was so hungry, I ate it.

00:35:18.000 Did you bite around it?

00:35:19.000 Yeah, I was so poor.

00:35:20.000 I needed the food.

00:35:21.000 When I was a waiter, that's what I would do when someone, I worked in Midtown, and they would throw out this steak.

00:35:27.000 We had a steak, and it was in little slices all the way down, and I would see how much they would eat, and then I would just go one over and be like, and that's mine.

00:35:36.000 I just put that in a dish and I'd be like, and I got some steak.

00:35:39.000 That's always the way to do it.

00:35:41.000 When you're that poor, you're like, I'll eat around it.

00:35:44.000 Yeah.

00:35:45.000 I just ate it.

00:35:46.000 I was so hungry.

00:35:47.000 But it is a bummer.

00:35:49.000 And I didn't know what to do.

00:35:50.000 Should I go and tell them someone took a bite out of my burger?

00:35:53.000 I have to get home.

00:35:54.000 I'm tired.

00:35:55.000 I just ate it.

00:35:56.000 Because I'm saying they picked the wrong guy.

00:35:58.000 You pick me who just smoked a bowl.

00:36:00.000 What am I going to do? 0.83

00:36:01.000 Go in and karate kick people?

00:36:02.000 Yes. 0.86

00:36:03.000 Yes.

00:36:04.000 No, I wasn't that type of guy. 1.00

00:36:05.000 Dude, you could be like Show Nuff in The Last Dragon and go fuck up. 1.00

00:36:10.000 Who ate my motherfucking cheeseburger? 1.00

00:36:13.000 When I say who ate my burger... 0.99

00:36:15.000 You could pick the wrong guy to do that to, though. 1.00

00:36:18.000 You could pick a guy who just found out that his wife's been fucking his best friend and she stole $100,000 from his bank account and his boss just fired him and then he is in a fuck. 1.00

00:36:31.000 Fucking rage. 1.00

00:36:33.000 And he gets a cheeseburger and it's got a bite taken out of it. 1.00

00:36:37.000 And it's like, oh, okay, motherfucker. 0.99

00:36:39.000 And then you pull in with that cheeseburger and just start laying people out. 1.00

00:36:45.000 There's people out there.

00:36:46.000 You're describing what's going to happen to all these YouTube pranksters.

00:36:51.000 Some of them are bringing big, giant security guards with them.

00:36:53.000 Well, that's their thing now.

00:36:55.000 Because there was a story about one of these pranksters that got shot.

00:36:59.000 He got shot in the stomach.

00:37:00.000 Oh, I saw that.

00:37:01.000 And then an article came out with an interview with his dad.

00:37:05.000 Shot in the stomach by an illegal immigrant, by the way. 1.00

00:37:09.000 Yeah, but still a prank. 0.96

00:37:11.000 I know, but that dude is just so quick to pull guns.

00:37:15.000 Where's he from? 1.00

00:37:16.000 Fuck around. 1.00

00:37:16.000 I mean, he ran from something. 1.00

00:37:18.000 You know that.

00:37:19.000 That guy ran from something more dangerous than him.

00:37:21.000 Yeah, maybe jail.

00:37:22.000 Maybe he ran from jail. 1.00

00:37:24.000 Some of these people, you're like, dude, you don't want to fuck. 0.99

00:37:26.000 It's, again, the wrong guy. 0.99

00:37:28.000 You picked the wrong guy?

00:37:29.000 Yeah, you picked the wrong guy. 1.00

00:37:30.000 You picked the wrong guy by fucking pull his pants down? 1.00

00:37:33.000 Just shot him in the gut. 1.00

00:37:34.000 Dude, there were old pranks. 0.96

00:37:36.000 People used to, because this is coming waves.

00:37:38.000 There was a, like, in the Vine days, people were doing pranks.

00:37:42.000 Yes.

00:37:43.000 And they were de-pantsing, like, black dudes just walking up and de-pantsing black guys, like, in the hood and being like, no, no, no. 0.85

00:37:50.000 And the second they would, like, get swarmed on, they'd be like, no, no, no, it's a prank. 0.78

00:37:53.000 And there's one where a guy does it and you hear that gun hit the street and that prankster's like, ah, ah, ah.

00:38:00.000 And the guy, like, picks up the gun and you're like, dude, you You could have been dead.

00:38:04.000 You could have been dead.

00:38:05.000 100%.

00:38:06.000 And by the way, the security guards are just going to make it worse. 0.86

00:38:10.000 Because then you're going to get a guy, maybe you have a guy that can fucking handle himself, and he's not scared of your security. 0.89

00:38:15.000 And now there's two people getting hurt. 0.95

00:38:16.000 Or the security guy gets shot first.

00:38:19.000 Exactly.

00:38:19.000 And you're like, dude, that's...

00:38:21.000 Oh, that's crazy, man.

00:38:22.000 This is what people will do for attention.

00:38:23.000 It's just nuts.

00:38:24.000 But that's alien weaponry.

00:38:27.000 You might be onto something.

00:38:28.000 They're coming from under the sea, and they're giving us weapons. 0.58

00:38:32.000 I'm all about USOs now, dude.

00:38:34.000 Yeah?

00:38:35.000 Undersea UFOs?

00:38:36.000 It's unidentified submersible objects.

00:38:40.000 Yeah.

00:38:40.000 That's where they are, dude.

00:38:42.000 Yeah.

00:38:43.000 That's what Cat Williams said.

00:38:45.000 Yeah.

00:38:46.000 We were talking about sonar hearing devices.

00:38:48.000 That just touched my heart where I'm like, do we both have the same crazy theory?

00:38:51.000 He said, is this correct or incorrect?

00:38:54.000 I love that.

00:38:56.000 We were talking about space, about how we know more about space than we do about the ocean, which is true.

00:39:02.000 And he was saying that those underwater listening devices were most likely so that they could hear UFOs moving around.

00:39:10.000 Dude.

00:39:11.000 Imagine if there really are bases under the ocean and they know about them.

00:39:15.000 Well, here's the thing. 1.00

00:39:16.000 If they know about them, fuck you, you should tell us. 1.00

00:39:18.000 But here's what I think. 1.00

00:39:20.000 The theory I had, because I heard about, I listened to an episode of Last Podcast on the Left where they were talking about USOs.

00:39:25.000 And I got super into it.

00:39:26.000 Because I was high enough.

00:39:28.000 You know when the song hits correctly?

00:39:30.000 Sometimes the podcast will do that.

00:39:32.000 And I was listening to Last Podcast on the Left and it hit where I go like, it unlocked because they had this theory that they talked about that the millions of years it took us to crawl out of the water and evolve into... 0.90

00:39:47.000 Fucking, you know, whatever we are, like monkeys and then Neanderthals and then humans.

00:39:52.000 All that millions of years, there were things under the ocean evolving for millions of years with technology and stuff, and we're just up on the roof. 0.99

00:40:02.000 The problem is we've never seen anything other than us that manipulates its environment.

00:40:07.000 The intelligent things that we've found in the ocean that are real are dolphins and orcas.

00:40:12.000 And whales.

00:40:14.000 Dolphins and orcas are crazy intelligent.

00:40:15.000 But like octopuses too, right?

00:40:17.000 Yes, that's true too.

00:40:17.000 But none of them, octopuses are very smart.

00:40:20.000 But none of them have ever figured out how to make things like make houses and cars and ships and it's it's all like they're out in the wild There's no houses. 0.82

00:40:31.000 I used to do a bit about how dangerous the ocean is because there's no doors I'm like there's no doors no matter what it's just fucking sharks and crabs and no doors and everywhere you look everything is eating everything and It's literal murder soup because they all eat each other.

00:40:49.000 It's a ladder of eating. 0.85

00:40:50.000 Just everything goes up and eats something.

00:40:53.000 And at the top, you have killer whales that are eating whales.

00:40:57.000 They eat everything.

00:40:58.000 But what if we're missing something?

00:41:01.000 What if we don't see it? 1.00

00:41:03.000 What if we are too stupid? 1.00

00:41:04.000 What if we're just like rock monkeys and they're just like, they can't see down here. 1.00

00:41:08.000 These guys have no fucking clue. 0.98

00:41:10.000 You know when you're in a tinted car and someone's like... 1.00

00:41:13.000 Like looking in the window and you're looking at him like look at this fucking idiot. 1.00

00:41:17.000 He doesn't even see me. 1.00

00:41:17.000 Mate, what if that's us with the aliens in the water? 1.00

00:41:22.000 What if we're like looking down there in the water and they're like these fucking idiots? 1.00

00:41:25.000 Even when they come down here, they can't see shit. 1.00

00:41:28.000 That's possible. 0.99

00:41:29.000 It's possible that they also can be completely invisible.

00:41:34.000 Yeah.

00:41:34.000 We're really close to being able to do that now with stuff.

00:41:38.000 They figured out how to project what's behind things on screens so you can theoretically have a vehicle that as it's moving through an environment, it's projecting what's there. 0.99

00:41:52.000 That's a predator shit. 0.98

00:41:53.000 Yeah, like literally, that's a concept that they're working on. 1.00

00:41:56.000 They're working on it for aircrafts, they're working on it for vehicles.

00:42:01.000 It's terrifying.

00:42:02.000 Yeah.

00:42:02.000 It's so terrifying.

00:42:03.000 And that's just step one.

00:42:05.000 Step two would be, do something that alters reality around the thing so it's invisible.

00:42:11.000 Yeah.

00:42:13.000 So you go into the ocean, and we're down there, and we're so limited, because we can't breathe down there, so we're limited. 0.99

00:42:21.000 We're in submarines, or we have robots, and it's just like a fucking ring. 0.88

00:42:25.000 Every footage under the sea looks like a ring doorbell, where it's just like... 0.99

00:42:30.000 And we don't know what the fuck. 1.00

00:42:31.000 They could be behind it like these idiots. 1.00

00:42:34.000 There's so little of it that we've explored. 1.00

00:42:36.000 There's only like 10% of the ocean floor that we've explored.

00:42:39.000 10%.

00:42:39.000 That's so crazy.

00:42:40.000 10%.

00:42:40.000 And then the thing that they always see UFOs or USOs over water, it's like the high frequency that they see them.

00:42:49.000 And then they just fucking just down in there. 1.00

00:42:52.000 And they're like, follow me, bitch. 1.00

00:42:53.000 And we're like, we can't. 1.00

00:42:54.000 We can't breathe.

00:42:55.000 Space or the ocean, we can't breathe down there.

00:42:58.000 We have a limited amount of room we can move around in.

00:43:01.000 Just the idea of something being here the whole time is so creepy.

00:43:05.000 Yeah.

00:43:06.000 Yeah.

00:43:07.000 But us being... 1.00

00:43:08.000 What's comforting is we're all so stupid we don't see it. 1.00

00:43:13.000 Right. 1.00

00:43:13.000 Imagine if you had a friend that's like, hey. 1.00

00:43:16.000 If a couple people could see it, you would be terrified.

00:43:19.000 Imagine if society had gotten to a point at one point in time...

00:43:25.000 Where artificial intelligence and human brains mixed, and we created a super class of species, like a new thing, that's both technological and biological, and only a small number of beings got that.

00:43:44.000 And those beings, for some reason, left And left us here the way we are.

00:43:53.000 That's what we're seeing with these aliens.

00:43:55.000 Those are humans that went down the road that we're going down right now.

00:43:59.000 And they were like, dude, we're gonna get out of here.

00:44:01.000 Yeah, and then maybe there was like all the disasters that happened, like the Younger Dryas impact, the asteroids hit and all that stuff in level society, but they escape because they're interdimensional travelers.

00:44:13.000 Yeah, they're like, we're going to get the fuck out of here.

00:44:14.000 It's like leaving a house. 0.93

00:44:15.000 You're just like, I don't care about this house anymore.

00:44:16.000 Now we're somewhere else.

00:44:17.000 They don't need food anymore.

00:44:19.000 They probably work on nuclear energy or something.

00:44:21.000 There's probably some crazy power source.

00:44:24.000 Or like antimatter.

00:44:24.000 It's like a thing that we would never even think of.

00:44:26.000 Yeah, they don't need to breed.

00:44:28.000 The thing that I, the Jimmy Carter brief, did you know about this?

00:44:32.000 Yes.

00:44:32.000 Where they briefed him and it like broke him emotionally.

00:44:35.000 Yes.

00:44:35.000 Where he was like so upset, where they were like, hey by the way, they've been here forever.

00:44:40.000 Like there, he was like a deeply religious man.

00:44:43.000 Tucker Carlson's talked about this recently.

00:44:45.000 Really?

00:44:46.000 Yeah.

00:44:46.000 Tucker Carlson said that he believes that they've always been here and he believes that it's probably...

00:44:51.000 He was talking about good and evil.

00:44:54.000 Yeah.

00:44:54.000 We know that good exists and we know that evil exists.

00:44:57.000 Sure.

00:44:58.000 We know that people are capable of doing evil.

00:44:59.000 These are real forces in the world.

00:45:02.000 Yeah.

00:45:02.000 And...

00:45:03.000 What people are saying is that these experiences that some people are having with benevolent ones, this is the stories of demons.

00:45:11.000 This is the stories of the Bible.

00:45:15.000 There's races that are evil. 1.00

00:45:18.000 There's alien races that don't give a fuck, just like there's praying mantises that eat hummingbirds. 1.00

00:45:24.000 Like in nature. 0.99

00:45:25.000 Just because they're super smart.

00:45:26.000 There are creatures that are aggressive, that are smart, like a hyena.

00:45:30.000 And then there's animals that are aggressive and just powerful, like lions.

00:45:33.000 And think about us.

00:45:34.000 The smartest animal on the planet that we know of, and what do we do to chickens? 1.00

00:45:39.000 Fuck them. 1.00

00:45:40.000 No. 1.00

00:45:41.000 I go, no, you don't fuck. 1.00

00:45:43.000 This is where my whole world unravels. 1.00

00:45:46.000 I go, Joe, I fuck chickens, dude. 1.00

00:45:48.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:45:48.000 I didn't think you were going to get me like that. 1.00

00:45:50.000 But yeah, there could be the idea of benevolent aliens of like...

00:45:57.000 The idea that there are aliens that are good and aliens that are bad scares me so much more because you're just like, please leave me alone!

00:46:05.000 And like, good ones, bail me out of it.

00:46:07.000 I mean...

00:46:07.000 But imagine like if something became super intelligent but in a more balanced environment.

00:46:13.000 Like, instead of the way humans are so much more intelligent than everything else, what if there was other shit around that was pretty close to us? 0.69

00:46:21.000 So you're saying, like, what if the food chain, the gap wasn't as big between one and two? 0.93

00:46:26.000 Right, right.

00:46:27.000 Would we ever...

00:46:27.000 Bet we'd be a lot nicer to each other.

00:46:29.000 Right, but would we ever get to this point?

00:46:31.000 That's the thing.

00:46:33.000 I think if it did, it would be a slower roll.

00:46:36.000 Way slower, right?

00:46:37.000 But I also believe that community and empathy would be higher if we had...

00:46:45.000 Less of us.

00:46:46.000 More danger.

00:46:47.000 More of a threat.

00:46:48.000 More of a threat.

00:46:49.000 If there was like, I tried this as a bit, but it never worked.

00:46:53.000 If dolphins had legs, like if they just came out, because they rape, and if dolphins came out and just on land, and you'd be like, because they're all muscle.

00:47:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:47:01.000 So they would just fuck our shit up. 1.00

00:47:03.000 Oh, they'd kill you. 1.00

00:47:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:47:04.000 A dolphin that could breathe. 1.00

00:47:06.000 Yeah.

00:47:07.000 Oh, you're in trouble. 1.00

00:47:08.000 Yeah, we're absolutely fucked. 1.00

00:47:09.000 You're in trouble. 1.00

00:47:10.000 Imagine if we're so pro-dolphin, but dolphins evolve legs, and they just become the worst rapists on the planet.

00:47:16.000 And they're like, what were you wearing? 0.99

00:47:17.000 No, they rape your dog. 1.00

00:47:19.000 They rape everything. 1.00

00:47:20.000 Just everything? 1.00

00:47:20.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:47:21.000 They rape your car? 1.00

00:47:22.000 Eh-eh. 1.00

00:47:23.000 They're super intelligent and they just fuck everything they find. 1.00

00:47:26.000 My Ultima got fucked by a dolphin. 1.00

00:47:28.000 I'm gonna be late to work. 1.00

00:47:30.000 Your emus laid out in the fucking garage. 1.00

00:47:33.000 They're just like a tornado of rape. 1.00

00:47:35.000 It's just coming through and fucking a town up. 1.00

00:47:37.000 They also commit infanticide. 0.97

00:47:40.000 What's that?

00:47:40.000 They kill babies.

00:47:43.000 I don't think they call it infanticide.

00:47:45.000 What do they call it?

00:47:46.000 Infanticide is like large-scale killing of children, I think.

00:47:49.000 I think I might have exaggerated that.

00:47:50.000 But I think what they do is when female dolphins have babies, Apparently, they won't breed for a long period of time while they're raising that baby. 0.94

00:48:00.000 Sure, they're being good moms. 0.99

00:48:02.000 And what male dolphins would do, if they have not had sex with the female dolphin, I hope I'm not fucking any of this up, they'll kill the babies. 1.00

00:48:10.000 To fuck the mom? 1.00

00:48:11.000 To force the mom into breeding again, force her back into estrus. 1.00

00:48:15.000 That's some trailer trash shit. 1.00

00:48:16.000 The strategy that the female dolphins have employed is to have sex with as many male dolphins around her as she can. 1.00

00:48:23.000 So that no one knows who's the baby.

00:48:25.000 Yeah, so everyone's like that might be my kid.

00:48:27.000 Exactly.

00:48:28.000 Genius.

00:48:29.000 Reports of infanticide in Cestations have been quadrupled in the past decade and now infanticide has now been documented in six species of toothed whale including multiple populations of common bottlenose dolphins. 0.99

00:48:44.000 Damn. 0.99

00:48:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:48:46.000 So if you're a grown dolphin, you made it through a lot.

00:48:49.000 You made it through a lot. 1.00

00:48:50.000 You made it through a lot of dolphins wanting to fuck your mom while you were a kid. 0.99

00:48:55.000 If you can't make a house, the world is rough. 0.99

00:48:59.000 Do you know how different I would have been?

00:49:01.000 I was raised by a single mom who dated. 1.00

00:49:03.000 If all those guys had to kill me to fuck my mom, do you know how dangerous I would be right now? 1.00

00:49:09.000 You'd be dead? 1.00

00:49:10.000 Yeah, I'd be absolutely dead. 0.99

00:49:11.000 You'd be dead if you were a kid.

00:49:12.000 Also, I was a little sweetie pie. 0.55

00:49:14.000 I wasn't a Kevin McAllister.

00:49:16.000 I'm not setting home alone traps.

00:49:18.000 I would have gotten rolled.

00:49:20.000 Dennis, I'll tell you the guy's name.

00:49:21.000 That's hilarious.

00:49:22.000 He was the first guy my mom dated after my dad.

00:49:25.000 Dennis would have killed me.

00:49:26.000 Yeah, probably. 1.00

00:49:27.000 Yeah, because he would have been like, wait, you're not going to fuck when this kid's around? 0.99

00:49:31.000 And she's like, he's not. 0.99

00:49:33.000 Just coming up behind me with piano wire.

00:49:37.000 I think for dolphins, it's like six years, too.

00:49:40.000 That times out exactly how old I was.

00:49:43.000 I was maybe five when my mom started dating.

00:49:45.000 That's so funny to think about them.

00:49:47.000 I have to be like, my mom's like, I'm going on a date.

00:49:50.000 Just the whole day. 1.00

00:49:51.000 I'm just like, where the fuck is he? 1.00

00:49:53.000 Come get me, you son of a bitch. 1.00

00:49:55.000 How weird is it we put those things in swimming pools? 1.00

00:49:58.000 And pet them and... 0.99

00:49:59.000 Ride them and shit. 0.99

00:50:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:50:01.000 Just tricks.

00:50:02.000 Do a trick.

00:50:03.000 It's so weird.

00:50:05.000 I went to the Atlanta Aquarium.

00:50:06.000 They have a great aquarium and I was doing shows there and I went to the dolphin exhibit.

00:50:11.000 And I thought it was funny because these dolphin trainers are also scientists.

00:50:15.000 But then they have to dance.

00:50:17.000 It's like the weirdest thing.

00:50:19.000 They know all this stuff about dolphins, but then they're like, hey, do a little routine and feed them a fish.

00:50:25.000 And you're like, how disrespected are you as a scientist? 0.99

00:50:28.000 And fucking twirl around a little bit. 0.99

00:50:32.000 And making these incredibly intelligent Wild, wild beasts of the sea do these dance. 1.00

00:50:39.000 I'm surprised they don't snap all the time.

00:50:41.000 Yeah.

00:50:42.000 Do they kill a lot of trainers? 0.99

00:50:43.000 Killer whales do.

00:50:44.000 They've killed a few.

00:50:46.000 Yeah, that's when they bring them down.

00:50:47.000 They kept using them because they're so valuable.

00:50:50.000 A male killer whale.

00:50:51.000 So he killed someone and they kept him around.

00:50:54.000 Who's the guy that's next up on that?

00:50:56.000 Who's the guy that they're like...

00:50:57.000 I think they sold them to another place.

00:50:59.000 That's what you do because no one working there will be like...

00:51:03.000 Whatever happened with that one?

00:51:04.000 There was one in SeaWorld.

00:51:07.000 So, the four fatal attacks by orcas in captivity, Tilikum was involved in three.

00:51:15.000 So he killed three people.

00:51:17.000 He's the one from Blackfish, right?

00:51:18.000 Yeah. 0.72

00:51:19.000 Bro, he killed three people. 1.00

00:51:21.000 Damn, he's got three bodies on him. 1.00

00:51:23.000 Why wasn't Tilikum put down? 0.99

00:51:27.000 Branchu's family and animal rights activists say they do not want to see Tilikum killed.

00:51:32.000 How do you say that name?

00:51:34.000 Brancho?

00:51:35.000 Brancho?

00:51:36.000 Brancho's sister Diane Gross told the Associated Press that the trainer loved the animals like they were her children.

00:51:42.000 It would not want anything done to that whale, even though it killed her. 0.84

00:51:49.000 Yeah.

00:51:49.000 Get over it, lady.

00:51:51.000 That thing's murdering people. 1.00

00:51:53.000 Yeah, it killed your kid.

00:51:55.000 If you're the family members of one of those people...

00:51:58.000 You don't want that will killed?

00:51:59.000 First of all, you should really let it go.

00:52:01.000 Yeah.

00:52:02.000 Because you're holding it in captivity against its will, and it's a super intelligent behemoth of the sea.

00:52:10.000 It didn't die until it had a lung infection. 0.99

00:52:12.000 Damn, it went down with emphysema? 0.99

00:52:14.000 So where did they take it? 1.00

00:52:15.000 They moved it somewhere after it killed three people?

00:52:18.000 Just moved in. 1.00

00:52:19.000 Imagine working at that fucking place? 1.00

00:52:21.000 And you go, who do we get? 1.00

00:52:22.000 This is the killer whale that's killed three people.

00:52:24.000 We got Tilly.

00:52:24.000 Started in Orlando.

00:52:27.000 Moved to Victoria, British Columbia.

00:52:30.000 And then back to Orlando.

00:52:32.000 Wow. 1.00

00:52:32.000 Damn. 1.00

00:52:33.000 That's a long trip. 0.99

00:52:34.000 He sired 21 calves throughout his life.

00:52:37.000 So that's what they want him for.

00:52:38.000 They want his jizz. 0.99

00:52:40.000 Yeah, they just want his hot orca whale jizz. 0.99

00:52:42.000 So you're not allowed to capture them anymore.

00:52:45.000 Yeah, wasn't it that show Whale Hunters all about that?

00:52:48.000 I don't know.

00:52:49.000 I didn't see it.

00:52:49.000 Oh, dude, it was wild.

00:52:51.000 It was on Discovery, I think, and there was just these guys going out there, and they were trying to stop people from whale hunting. 0.99

00:52:56.000 So they'd just smash into their boats and shit. 0.98

00:52:59.000 Isn't it crazy that they're saying you're not allowed to go capture them, okay? 0.99

00:53:04.000 Everybody would agree that's a good thing, right?

00:53:05.000 Sure.

00:53:06.000 But you're allowed to keep them and make them breed and make you more of them.

00:53:11.000 That's like saying, no more slavery, except for the slaves you have.

00:53:16.000 And you can have kids with them, and those count.

00:53:19.000 But no new slaves.

00:53:21.000 That's almost like saying.

00:53:22.000 You can't go buy a new one, but you can keep the one you have right now and force it to breed.

00:53:26.000 Like, if they are as intelligent as us, but they just can't manipulate their environment, it's very similar.

00:53:34.000 It's not a human being, obviously, so we don't respect it and treat it the same way as we treat ourselves.

00:53:39.000 Sure.

00:53:40.000 Imagine if it was a human being in the same role.

00:53:43.000 That would be insane if there was a human being that had to live in a swimming pool and do tricks.

00:53:50.000 If it's as smart as a human being.

00:53:52.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:53:53.000 You go insane.

00:53:53.000 They don't know how smart they are.

00:53:55.000 They really don't know.

00:53:56.000 So you think they just feel crazy the whole time?

00:53:59.000 100%. 1.00

00:53:59.000 Just out of their fucking mind. 1.00

00:54:00.000 Out of my fucking mind. 1.00

00:54:01.000 How come I have to dance to eat? 1.00

00:54:03.000 And you're trapped in a swimming pool.

00:54:05.000 You're like, where's the ocean?

00:54:06.000 But it'd just be like us in a room.

00:54:07.000 Like a pretty big room that you could run around in.

00:54:09.000 Some of them are born in captivity.

00:54:11.000 This one was captured at two years old.

00:54:14.000 It was put into one tank in Iceland, and then it was transferred.

00:54:18.000 And when it was transferred to the new tank in British Columbia, it was abused, it said, by two older female. 0.54

00:54:24.000 Oh! 0.60

00:54:25.000 Wow.

00:54:27.000 It says forced them into a smaller pool.

00:54:30.000 That is crazy.

00:54:30.000 Like, get out of here!

00:54:31.000 And he's like, can I go to the medical pool?

00:54:33.000 Wow, the trainers had to keep him in the other pool for protection.

00:54:36.000 So he's probably isolated, just like a person who becomes a serial killer.

00:54:40.000 Abused, isolated. 0.70

00:54:41.000 Yeah, no wonder he's killing people. 0.95

00:54:43.000 Because he's trying to, he's flailing to get out. 1.00

00:54:45.000 He doesn't want to live like that, you fucking asshole. 1.00

00:54:48.000 So that's why he grabs a lady that's like, I think we can get him up here! 1.00

00:54:51.000 But that energy of them getting killed right before you go like... 0.94

00:54:55.000 Shut the...

00:54:56.000 She goes, I think we can get it.

00:54:59.000 Guys, if you clap, I think he'll come up.

00:55:01.000 You just feel that pull, that animal strength of an orca whale, that has to be the most terrifying way to die because you are drowning, which is horrible, but number two, you're being forced down by a thing that's the size of a building.

00:55:18.000 Yeah. 0.79

00:55:18.000 Or not that big, but it's the size of a Mack truck and it's fucking holding you down at the bottom of a pool. 0.79

00:55:24.000 Oh. 0.99

00:55:25.000 And you're just like...

00:55:26.000 And you're just trapped in its teeth. 0.99

00:55:28.000 So it obviously doesn't give a fuck about you. 0.97

00:55:30.000 But it's holding you in a way that you're like, well, this is it. 0.96

00:55:34.000 Rescue attempts were thwarted by the whales who refused to let Byrne go even after she was believed to have fallen unconscious in the water.

00:55:41.000 Her corpse was later retrieved with a large net, after which she was determined to be deceased.

00:55:46.000 Her death was ruled an accident.

00:55:48.000 It's murder!

00:55:49.000 That was murder.

00:55:50.000 The whales were keeping her there?

00:55:53.000 They were high-fiving after?

00:55:54.000 They were stopping the rescue attempts, yeah.

00:55:56.000 They damped each other up. 0.95

00:55:57.000 They wanted her dead.

00:55:58.000 After, they were like, we got her. 0.99

00:56:00.000 They wanted her dead.

00:56:01.000 Yeah.

00:56:01.000 That's so crazy.

00:56:03.000 They're so smart, man.

00:56:05.000 Also, was she the head trainer? 0.92

00:56:08.000 The lady that got killed? 0.62

00:56:09.000 Well, she was only 20, and then I'm reading in the second one, the second one was a guy, they call him a vagrant, snuck into the pool.

00:56:16.000 Which, by the way.

00:56:17.000 And Tillicum killed him?

00:56:19.000 Yeah.

00:56:19.000 By the way.

00:56:20.000 Well, that's on him.

00:56:21.000 You sneak in, dude.

00:56:22.000 That is the Ace Ventura moment, where he's like, here's Snowflake.

00:56:25.000 See, now all of a sudden I'm on Tilikum's side. 1.00

00:56:28.000 That guy, fuck you. 1.00

00:56:31.000 That's on you. 1.00

00:56:32.000 That's him.

00:56:32.000 But I'm on Tilikum's side.

00:56:34.000 What are you doing?

00:56:36.000 Why are we still allowing that?

00:56:37.000 That's so crazy.

00:56:39.000 If anybody's watched that movie, the Orca movie...

00:56:42.000 What is it called?

00:56:43.000 Blackfin?

00:56:44.000 Oh, Blackfish?

00:56:45.000 Blackfish.

00:56:45.000 I thought you were going to say Free Willy.

00:56:47.000 I was going to go, I know, in the soundtrack.

00:56:49.000 Blackfish or have watched any of the documentaries, any of the YouTube videos that you could see about orcas in captivity.

00:56:55.000 It's crazy that that's legal.

00:56:57.000 Yeah.

00:56:58.000 It's torture.

00:56:59.000 Yeah, you're taking a thing that...

00:57:01.000 It didn't do anything.

00:57:02.000 It's a prisoner.

00:57:03.000 It's a prisoner for life.

00:57:04.000 It's also giant and needs space.

00:57:06.000 Yeah.

00:57:07.000 It's insane.

00:57:08.000 I can't imagine feeling guilt-free owning that place.

00:57:13.000 It's literally like you being stuck in this room for the rest of your life.

00:57:17.000 And then I come out and I do a sick routine.

00:57:19.000 And then I come back in and you give me like cheeseburgers.

00:57:22.000 And I come back in here and I go like...

00:57:25.000 That new Batman bit's really hitting.

00:57:26.000 Yeah.

00:57:27.000 Like, imagine.

00:57:28.000 I'm going to stuff my face and then finally I've just had enough of it.

00:57:30.000 After years.

00:57:31.000 Yeah.

00:57:31.000 Years of daily of just that.

00:57:34.000 Yeah.

00:57:34.000 And by the way, absolute abuse.

00:57:36.000 Because I'm sure orcas, they're smart enough that they don't always listen to commands.

00:57:41.000 Like anything with intelligence, it's not 100% going to listen to commands.

00:57:45.000 Right.

00:57:45.000 Because it's got to think and sometimes it doubts and sometimes like.

00:57:48.000 Yeah.

00:57:48.000 And then they probably were like abusing it.

00:57:50.000 The fact that they killed her and that the other whales did look out like a fucking prison hit. 0.99

00:57:56.000 I would be like... 0.99

00:57:57.000 I don't want to speak out of turn, but if I was her family...

00:58:01.000 I'm reading back to Shamu, because I was like, why did they call them all Shamu?

00:58:04.000 Yeah.

00:58:05.000 The first one, not the first, but it was one of the first ones was called Shamu, and this one had an incident, too.

00:58:10.000 The woman didn't die, but... 1.00

00:58:12.000 Which, she bit the legs and hips of Annette Eckes... 1.00

00:58:17.000 A SeaWorld employee who was told to ride her as part of a film publicity event.

00:58:22.000 Shamu refused to release the woman until other workers came to the rescue and pried the orca's jaws apart with a pole.

00:58:28.000 Oh my god.

00:58:33.000 Oh my god.

00:58:35.000 She died four months later.

00:58:37.000 The whale, not the woman.

00:58:39.000 Yeah.

00:58:40.000 She's only conditioned to perform with trainers wearing wetsuits. 0.96

00:58:44.000 So the problem is this girl got on with wearing a bikini. 1.00

00:58:47.000 Because, by the way, it was 71, so they were absolutely doing that, like, why don't you give him a sexy ride?

00:58:53.000 A sexy ride on Shamu.

00:58:55.000 Shamu loves sexy ladies.

00:58:57.000 And then Shamu was like, I am a devout Muslim.

00:59:01.000 He's like, either get a burqa on. 0.99

00:59:04.000 That's, I mean, dude.

00:59:05.000 Skin likes skin.

00:59:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:59:07.000 Get your dirty vagina off of me. 1.00

00:59:08.000 Yeah, you fucking weird rock monkeys touching me with your fucking land skin. 1.00

00:59:13.000 You got your feet on me. 1.00

00:59:15.000 Your dry skin.

00:59:16.000 She was only trained to do it with people wearing wetsuits.

00:59:18.000 Yeah.

00:59:18.000 So she had previously attacked people in bikinis before.

00:59:22.000 And if you're one of those guys that is running that park and you're all sexed up on cocaine, on good 70s cocaine, and you're like, yeah, baby, you can run Shamu.

00:59:32.000 Yeah.

00:59:33.000 And they're like, hey dude, I don't think you should put her on there.

00:59:36.000 He goes, no, no, no, it's a sexy ride.

00:59:38.000 She loves sexy rides. 0.98

00:59:39.000 He pulls up and it's Trans Am.

00:59:43.000 Yeah, you can ride the whales. 0.92

00:59:44.000 Because back in the 70s, they didn't give a fuck about animals. 0.99

00:59:48.000 They didn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:59:50.000 70s and 80s? 0.99

00:59:52.000 Dude, one of my...

00:59:53.000 Faircoats, bro.

00:59:54.000 Dude, Milo and Otis.

00:59:56.000 There was a movie called Milo and Otis in the 80s and 90s.

00:59:58.000 What is it?

00:59:59.000 It's a movie about a puppy and a dog that love each other, right?

01:00:04.000 My favorite episode of Legion of Skanks ever is...

01:00:06.000 I wasn't even on it.

01:00:07.000 Luis J. Gomez talks about it and gets teared up because he loves the movie so much.

01:00:10.000 I think he was drunk on the podcast.

01:00:12.000 It's like, if you watched it in your childhood, it sticks with you.

01:00:15.000 It's a movie about a dog and a cat from 86. And it's like...

01:00:22.000 Yeah, it's about a pug and this cat and they're friends and they just go on a wild adventure through wherever they're going through, right?

01:00:30.000 And you're like, as part of my childhood, it's live action.

01:00:34.000 I remember this being like, dude, this is such a sweet movie.

01:00:38.000 You look up the animal abuse that occurred on this movie and I can't even watch this because it upsets me knowing there's, I think you can look it up, there was a scene involving a cat where they killed like Oh my god.

01:01:09.000 That's what I mean.

01:01:09.000 You read about it and you're like...

01:01:11.000 Oh my god!

01:01:13.000 Once they did that episode on Skanks and then I read about it because I was listening to the episode playing video games and I was like, I gotta look this up. 0.94

01:01:19.000 It fucked me up.

01:01:21.000 I can't... 0.99

01:01:23.000 Oh my god.

01:01:24.000 It's the animal welfare allegations.

01:01:28.000 Yeah.

01:01:30.000 Okay, yeah.

01:01:31.000 They probably aren't going into the details, but you can find the details online.

01:01:34.000 But they were like...

01:01:36.000 Because you see it and you're like, oh, look at that.

01:01:39.000 An animal and a cat.

01:01:41.000 Friends.

01:01:41.000 Isn't that like the idea of like...

01:01:44.000 If you ran like... 0.54

01:01:49.000 A billionaire pedophile business. 0.88

01:01:52.000 Sure. 0.89

01:01:53.000 All right.

01:01:53.000 I'm with you.

01:01:54.000 You did it through an animation company.

01:01:56.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:57.000 Isn't it kind of like that?

01:01:58.000 Well, the Nickelodeon thing, where that guy got busted.

01:02:00.000 That guy...

01:02:01.000 Jay and I talked about it on the bonfire before I left, but this guy at Nickelodeon, he was like on...

01:02:06.000 Remember the show Head of the Class?

01:02:09.000 I don't remember.

01:02:10.000 Yeah, this guy, his name's Dan something, and he was a higher up at Nickelodeon, and it found out that he was just like, like wildly abusing everyone, like feet pictures.

01:02:23.000 Dude, his pool at his house, this guy, Dan Schneider, this guy, his pool at his house is afoot.

01:02:28.000 And he was accused of having a crazy foot fetish.

01:02:31.000 If you have a crazy foot fetish, don't make your pool a foot.

01:02:34.000 Whoa.

01:02:35.000 Yeah, there's a series.

01:02:37.000 That's what it is. 0.99

01:02:37.000 I learned all my shit from bad documentaries. 0.99

01:02:39.000 The problem is, if you get busted for something like that, and you look like that, everyone's gonna believe you did it. 1.00

01:02:44.000 Yeah, but you got a pedophile face like a motherfucker. 1.00

01:02:47.000 He's got that face! 1.00

01:02:49.000 Yeah, some deviant shit. 1.00

01:02:51.000 You know who else had that? 0.99

01:02:52.000 Was the guy that did all the boy bands in Orlando, Lou...

01:02:55.000 What was his name?

01:02:58.000 Lou Pearlman. 0.95

01:02:59.000 Lou Pearlman, you're just like, yeah, you abused kids.

01:03:02.000 Like, you see a picture of them?

01:03:03.000 Bro, the best one is Jimmy Savile.

01:03:05.000 Oh my god, dude.

01:03:07.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:03:08.000 Oh, yeah.

01:03:08.000 Look at him.

01:03:09.000 Just a bunch of hot boys screaming like they're all having a good time.

01:03:13.000 He's like, yeah! 0.95

01:03:14.000 He's just nutting. 0.77

01:03:16.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:03:16.000 He looks like a Philip Seymour Hoffman wore a fat suit and played an evil guy. 0.99

01:03:20.000 It was on worse heroin. 0.95

01:03:21.000 Yeah.

01:03:22.000 He was on mean heroin.

01:03:23.000 Look at him.

01:03:24.000 Oh my god.

01:03:25.000 But Jimmy Savile was like...

01:03:27.000 The creepiest looking creep of all time. 0.99

01:03:29.000 By the way, he did shit that was in the documentary. 0.99

01:03:31.000 I don't even know if they brought it up. 1.00

01:03:33.000 He would fuck with kids that were dying on the step of death, maybe even past. 1.00

01:03:40.000 Oh my God, that is an evil man. 1.00

01:03:44.000 And also, who wears a mesh shirt like that when you're all old and got turkey skin? 1.00

01:03:49.000 A freak, a sexual freak. 0.99

01:03:51.000 And he had his own supply of kids, and he's sexually abusing these kids. 1.00

01:03:56.000 And these kids are like, dude, I'm dying! 1.00

01:03:58.000 I got fucking leukemia, and I gotta fuck this weird-looking dude? 1.00

01:04:01.000 But imagine that other people knew. 1.00

01:04:04.000 Yeah.

01:04:05.000 And they protected it.

01:04:06.000 That's the worst part. 1.00

01:04:07.000 There's no way no one knew that he was fucking kids. 0.99

01:04:10.000 No, it's like the Sandusky thing in Penn State, where there were people that kind of found out about it, and then were scared that if they said anything, they'd lose their job. 0.99

01:04:19.000 Right.

01:04:20.000 And then you're like, well, that's where the power comes in.

01:04:23.000 It's not necessarily a clean and cut situation.

01:04:25.000 Thing, morality-wise, I mean, obviously it is.

01:04:28.000 I think you say, if you see something, you say.

01:04:30.000 But, like, those people, kind of who are next to that kind of power, well, they have that thing in them that they want to be close to that power.

01:04:38.000 They have that, like, thirst to be close to that power, so they're not going to say anything.

01:04:42.000 Because if they say anything, they're kicked out of the party.

01:04:45.000 And they don't want to get, you know?

01:04:47.000 When in reality, guys like him should be hunted for sport by...

01:04:53.000 And then you put that on cable.

01:04:55.000 And I watch that.

01:04:56.000 And you get really rich.

01:04:57.000 Yeah, you get really rich hunting bad people.

01:05:00.000 And you go like, I want to see Jimmy Savile.

01:05:02.000 Bro, imagine if we did have the ability to film things in HD from the sky.

01:05:08.000 Where you never interacted.

01:05:09.000 You could do the entire show.

01:05:11.000 It's common.

01:05:12.000 And it's Jimmy Savile gets let loose, and one of those kids is 18 now.

01:05:16.000 Oh, yes, baby.

01:05:17.000 And he's got a battle axe.

01:05:18.000 And it's him and his dad, so it's like a bonding experience.

01:05:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:05:23.000 Or you get the guy, Larry Nassar from Michigan State.

01:05:26.000 I just watched that video of the dad trying to attack him in court.

01:05:30.000 That'll fire you up when you see a dad be like, can I get a minute with him?

01:05:34.000 And the judge is like...

01:05:35.000 You know, I can't do that.

01:05:36.000 He does that move, and then he gets like this guy.

01:05:40.000 And it's completely understandable. 1.00

01:05:43.000 Larry Nassar's a piece of shit. 1.00

01:05:45.000 What happened to that guy? 1.00

01:05:46.000 Did he get in trouble?

01:05:52.000 By the way, shout out his daughters for being proud the entire time of him.

01:05:57.000 They don't ever break.

01:05:58.000 They watch it, and they're like, thanks, Dad.

01:06:01.000 He just wanted to get his hands on Larry Nassar.

01:06:04.000 That's wild.

01:06:08.000 That one's wild.

01:06:09.000 That guy got some air. 0.99

01:06:10.000 That dude can fucking jump, man. 0.99

01:06:13.000 That was a full Goldberg spear in the air. 0.99

01:06:16.000 That was not instantaneous.

01:06:17.000 He was preparing for that.

01:06:19.000 Did he back pivot?

01:06:20.000 Did he go like...

01:06:22.000 No, he just went for it, man.

01:06:24.000 It was so fast.

01:06:26.000 There's a moment where you wonder if he goes like this.

01:06:27.000 It was so fast.

01:06:28.000 Watch how fast he moves.

01:06:31.000 Here he is.

01:06:37.000 Gets her too.

01:06:40.000 You know what?

01:06:41.000 Bro, he jumped over the whole desk.

01:06:44.000 Whatever prison he gets put in, you're hoping there's a longest yard situation where you can use this guy on the field.

01:06:49.000 That guy's going to be a hero. 0.99

01:06:51.000 Yeah, he's going to go in and be like, damn, you got her too. 0.99

01:06:53.000 Because he got him. 0.99

01:06:55.000 It was an arm tackle.

01:06:56.000 He got her.

01:06:56.000 Did you see what they did to him, though, the next time they brought him in?

01:06:59.000 Yeah, they muzzled him and kept him like Hannibal Lecter. 0.51

01:07:02.000 Like Hannibal Lecter.

01:07:02.000 Yeah, show how they brought him in the second time.

01:07:06.000 Look at how they brought him in.

01:07:07.000 Which, you should have entrance music like a fighter.

01:07:11.000 Look at this guy.

01:07:13.000 Look at that.

01:07:14.000 They gave him a net.

01:07:15.000 He's chained.

01:07:16.000 His hands are in bags.

01:07:17.000 He can't use his fingers.

01:07:19.000 He's handcuffed and shackled.

01:07:20.000 And they got seven guys around him.

01:07:23.000 Yeah.

01:07:24.000 Wild, man.

01:07:25.000 Dude.

01:07:25.000 Look at his eyes.

01:07:27.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:07:28.000 You know what? 1.00

01:07:29.000 You hear that thing...

01:07:30.000 Imagine being him right now.

01:07:31.000 But you hear that thing where the judge goes like...

01:07:34.000 From what I read, he was prepared to get paroled, I think.

01:07:38.000 That's where he was in his head.

01:07:40.000 And the judge is like, no, no, no.

01:07:41.000 You're staying for five more years. 1.00

01:07:43.000 And he's like, fuck that shit. 1.00

01:07:44.000 That is such an instantaneous... 1.00

01:07:47.000 Fuck this. 1.00

01:07:48.000 What? 1.00

01:07:49.000 Yeah.

01:07:50.000 I don't know what he did.

01:07:51.000 I don't know what the situation was.

01:07:53.000 But in that moment of being told like, nah, nah, nah, you're...

01:07:58.000 He had just been doing a speech.

01:08:00.000 I remember hearing it.

01:08:00.000 He said he had not been committing crimes anymore.

01:08:02.000 He's rehabilitated.

01:08:05.000 And she's like, nope.

01:08:07.000 I don't think so.

01:08:08.000 She did the Dikembe Mutombo and she's like, no, no, no.

01:08:12.000 What was he being tried for?

01:08:14.000 Like, what was he there for?

01:08:17.000 Convictive?

01:08:17.000 I'll pull up the video again.

01:08:21.000 Battery?

01:08:23.000 No way, not that guy.

01:08:25.000 That guy doesn't have an aggressive bone in his body. 0.99

01:08:30.000 Dude, but by the way, that is a fucking hell of a defense. 0.99

01:08:33.000 Battery on a protective... 0.99

01:08:34.000 Oh, that's the one we got for the...

01:08:35.000 Oh, that's what he got for her?

01:08:36.000 That's what we got for the judge.

01:08:37.000 For jumping at the...

01:08:38.000 They hit him with the book.

01:08:39.000 Yeah.

01:08:40.000 They hit him with so many charges.

01:08:41.000 And it's a viral video.

01:08:43.000 They have to put a stop to that.

01:08:44.000 Yeah, it's like streakers. 0.71

01:08:46.000 Right.

01:08:46.000 Like they're like, they don't show them on TV. Right.

01:08:49.000 And then when they do catch them, they're like, we got to hit you with something. 0.93

01:08:52.000 We got to hit you with something big.

01:08:53.000 I was at the Super Bowl and the streakers that got there... 0.99

01:08:56.000 Did you see the one guy bet on himself?

01:08:58.000 Yeah.

01:08:59.000 That's immediately what I said to Che when we were at the game.

01:09:01.000 I was like, dude, those guys put a bet down that they would do this, and they're going to make a lot of money off this.

01:09:07.000 That's pretty wild.

01:09:08.000 Because why not?

01:09:09.000 You'd be like, I bet there'll be a streaker in the third quarter, and then you're like, I can affect that.

01:09:14.000 That's pretty wild.

01:09:15.000 My favorite's that all these betting sites now allow wrestling.

01:09:19.000 As a lifelong wrestling fan, I'm like, come on, guys.

01:09:21.000 That's hilarious.

01:09:22.000 This is crazy.

01:09:23.000 Like, you're watching Monday Night Raw, and they're like, Monday Night Raw, DraftKings!

01:09:28.000 And you're like, this is fake.

01:09:30.000 This is predetermined.

01:09:32.000 How is that legal?

01:09:33.000 Do you guys keep trying to ruin gambling forever?

01:09:36.000 Dude, also, what's next?

01:09:37.000 You're gonna bet on Fast and Furious movies?

01:09:39.000 Yeah! 0.99

01:09:40.000 I bet Vin hits Nas in the first fucking hour of the movie. 1.00

01:09:44.000 You're like, this is fucking wild. 0.99

01:09:46.000 You're watching, you're going to bet on plays, on like Broadway plays, where you're like, you know, funny girl, I bet she has a problem at the end of act one. 1.00

01:09:54.000 It's fucking ridiculous. 1.00

01:09:55.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

01:09:56.000 And I love wrestling, but I would never be like, oh, finally. 1.00

01:10:00.000 My favorite thing was coming up with gambling for my friends when we watched the Royal Rumble.

01:10:05.000 Like you put money in a pot and then you get numbers and then that's your guy.

01:10:08.000 But not like going on an app and putting down like a thousand bucks. 1.00

01:10:14.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:10:15.000 I think guys get super addicted to that too. 1.00

01:10:18.000 It's gambling.

01:10:19.000 Yeah, it's 100% gambling. 1.00

01:10:21.000 You ask people that went to Gamblers Anonymous, people that have been through the program through that, and they'll be like, Fuck heroin. 1.00

01:10:31.000 Well, they say it does the most damage. 1.00

01:10:33.000 It does the most damage out of all the addictions.

01:10:35.000 Heroin is a set price.

01:10:36.000 There's no set price with gambling.

01:10:38.000 And by the way, the more you go up, the higher the high and lower the low.

01:10:42.000 So you're doing big, big bets. 1.00

01:10:45.000 If you get fucked, you're fucked. 1.00

01:10:48.000 Sure, if you win, it's amazing. 1.00

01:10:50.000 But then all you do is you just want to go do it again.

01:10:52.000 People don't walk away.

01:10:53.000 It's like dealing drugs. 1.00

01:10:54.000 People never walk away from that shit. 1.00

01:10:56.000 They never win. 1.00

01:10:57.000 The house always wins.

01:10:59.000 They're gonna take your money. 0.91

01:11:01.000 Always.

01:11:02.000 They're not...

01:11:03.000 They have the smartest...

01:11:04.000 Dude, I had a buddy when I first moved out east.

01:11:07.000 I lived with my buddy Morgan in New Jersey.

01:11:10.000 And he loved...

01:11:11.000 He loved the taste. 1.00

01:11:12.000 And this was like when you had to go to a bookie and shit. 0.99

01:11:14.000 So he was like doing some real gambling. 0.99

01:11:17.000 He would get so fucking into it. 0.97

01:11:21.000 But then he was right. 1.00

01:11:22.000 He would yell this thing all the time when he would bet on the points and the points would hit to fuck him. 1.00

01:11:28.000 He would be like, they're from the future! 1.00

01:11:30.000 They're from the fucking future! 1.00

01:11:31.000 He would scream if he lost a $1,000 bet on the Knicks. 0.99

01:11:35.000 And you're like, yeah, they have the smartest guys working for them.

01:11:38.000 They know how to set the line. 0.99

01:11:40.000 All those guys are fucking crazy smart. 0.99

01:11:43.000 They're crazy smart and they use analytics. 1.00

01:11:45.000 Exactly.

01:11:46.000 You're going against Wall Street.

01:11:48.000 You're going against guys that probably could be making millions on Wall Street.

01:11:51.000 Yeah.

01:11:52.000 And you're just like, yeah, I think the Chiefs are going to win.

01:11:55.000 Dude, the worst was gambling has got...

01:11:58.000 It was in Vegas, so, you know, obviously there's more gambling.

01:12:01.000 But the Super Bowl... 0.99

01:12:03.000 If your team's in the Super Bowl, you fucking care. 1.00

01:12:05.000 But I've been to two Super Bowls and what I've learned is there's a lot of people there that don't give a shit. 1.00

01:12:10.000 They just want to go to a Super Bowl. 0.99

01:12:12.000 They're just at a Super Bowl.

01:12:13.000 They don't care who the teams are. 0.87

01:12:16.000 I think? 0.99

01:12:36.000 These fucking guys in front of us were just these business CEOs from North Carolina. 0.99

01:12:42.000 And as they got drunk, they noticed Che, because he's on SNL, so they know a famous guy. 0.99

01:12:50.000 So they kind of were doing that thing where they wanted to talk to us, but we were like, dude, it's the fucking Super Bowl. 0.97

01:12:55.000 We're watching the Super Bowl. 0.99

01:12:57.000 This is big for us.

01:12:58.000 We're 49ers fans.

01:12:59.000 Can we watch this?

01:13:01.000 And by the fourth quarter, the guy goes...

01:13:04.000 Yeah, I've got to parlay if Brandon Ayuk can get two more catches.

01:13:07.000 And I just put my hand in front of his face and I went, no, I don't want to talk to you, right?

01:13:10.000 He was turned around talking to me and you're like, stop!

01:13:14.000 Because he thinks I care about his bets.

01:13:17.000 You're like, dude, I love this team.

01:13:19.000 We are almost at the mountaintop. 1.00

01:13:22.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:13:23.000 Right. 1.00

01:13:24.000 About...

01:13:24.000 It's like having a party over your house.

01:13:26.000 Yeah.

01:13:26.000 And it's just the wrong person shows up and just camps out in front of you and starts talking to you.

01:13:31.000 And you're like, do you not understand?

01:13:32.000 No. 0.99

01:13:32.000 And I give too much of a shit about the 49ers because it was the only thing my dad and I shared. 0.99

01:13:37.000 So I give like that extra... 0.99

01:13:40.000 Oh, extra.

01:13:41.000 Like...

01:13:41.000 This is connected.

01:13:43.000 Like Boston with the Red Sox.

01:13:45.000 It's like, yeah, it is.

01:13:47.000 National identity.

01:13:48.000 It's a disease more than it is an enjoyment.

01:13:50.000 It's like a thing, like, I see that logo and I'm like, what? 0.96

01:13:55.000 I just fucking care so much. 0.88

01:13:57.000 That's hilarious. 0.98

01:13:59.000 Last season, they played the Eagles in the NFC Championship game, and all my friends are from Philly.

01:14:05.000 A lot of my comedy friends are Eagles fans.

01:14:08.000 Big J, Vecchione, fucking Shane, Tommy.

01:14:12.000 There's so many guys I know that love the Eagles, but specifically Big J. And Big J's like, dude, I'm having a party. 0.99

01:14:19.000 Come over and watch it.

01:14:21.000 And I was like, no.

01:14:23.000 I care way too much.

01:14:24.000 I care way too much. 0.99

01:14:26.000 And it was just him, Eagles fans, and then friends that didn't give a shit. 0.99

01:14:30.000 And that's what I said. 0.98

01:14:31.000 I was like, I know there's going to be one person that talks to me that I'm like, please don't talk to me right now.

01:14:35.000 But also, I'm the enemy over there.

01:14:37.000 So then I watched it at home.

01:14:38.000 Worst decision I've ever had in my life.

01:14:40.000 Because I watched it alone, and I just went like crazy like an orca whale.

01:14:43.000 I was just like screaming at a TV by myself.

01:14:46.000 I'd do that if I watch fights.

01:14:48.000 Yeah?

01:14:48.000 Yeah, if I watch a good UFC at home, I'm screaming.

01:14:50.000 Yeah.

01:14:51.000 Especially if I shut the door.

01:14:52.000 Oh my God.

01:14:53.000 It's pure enjoyment.

01:14:55.000 It's the sports viewing equivalent of walking around your hotel naked. 0.99

01:14:58.000 You're like, no one can come in here, this is my room, and I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want right now. 0.99

01:15:02.000 It's unbelievable. 0.97

01:15:03.000 And if you're live and you're screaming, it just seems normal.

01:15:07.000 But you want one other person there.

01:15:08.000 You want a person...

01:15:10.000 All I had was my dog, and she didn't understand...

01:15:13.000 Why you were yelling? 0.98

01:15:14.000 Why I was so fucking hyped up. 0.92

01:15:16.000 And when Brock Purdy's elbow got injured, she just saw me spiraling away. 0.93

01:15:20.000 You know when dogs can tell you're anxious or whatever?

01:15:23.000 She's just like slamming her body into my leg and shaking, and I'm like, no, no, no, it's all right, it's all right. 0.84

01:15:28.000 We're fucking still in this thing. 0.75

01:15:29.000 My dog is so sweet that he freaks out when there's violence in movies. 0.97

01:15:34.000 We're watching movies together.

01:15:35.000 We're watching this new Netflix show.

01:15:37.000 What is this new Netflix show?

01:15:38.000 It's a Korean series about people that get infected and they become monsters.

01:15:43.000 I think it's called Sweet Home or something like that.

01:15:46.000 Sounds badass. 0.98

01:15:46.000 It's fucking great. 0.98

01:15:48.000 It's a fun show. 0.99

01:15:51.000 But there's some violent moments where the monsters get people and the dog is like, what the fuck is going on? 0.94

01:15:58.000 He gets up and he starts spinning around. 0.98

01:16:00.000 That's his sweet home.

01:16:02.000 Fun show, man.

01:16:03.000 Dogs having anxiety about stuff they don't understand.

01:16:06.000 He got a toy.

01:16:07.000 He's bringing the toy to me.

01:16:09.000 I'm like, dude, it's not real, man.

01:16:10.000 It's not real. 0.99

01:16:11.000 Dude, my dog, whenever a dog comes on the screen, Because she's like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:16:17.000 Like, someone's in her house. 0.99

01:16:19.000 Like, we'll just be chilling there.

01:16:20.000 And then she'll try to, like, Shane came over and was hanging out.

01:16:24.000 It was the first time he met Myrtle.

01:16:25.000 And I think my dog was, like, trying to impress him. 0.99

01:16:28.000 Because most of the time she'll look up and be like, and you're like, shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:16:32.000 But this one, she was like, Like ran to the TV. We're like, you're not big. 0.99

01:16:36.000 Stop acting big. 1.00

01:16:37.000 If that dog was in this room, it would fuck your shit up. 1.00

01:16:40.000 Also, she only barks at cute dogs. 1.00

01:16:42.000 If it's like a hellhound or something, she's like, nah, I'm good.

01:16:46.000 She just completely passed it over. 0.97

01:16:47.000 She's like, nah, I'm not fucking around about that. 0.98

01:16:49.000 The first time Marshall saw the American Werewolf in London, he barked at it. 0.99

01:16:52.000 Yeah.

01:16:52.000 Oh, in there?

01:16:53.000 Yeah.

01:16:54.000 Yeah, that thing.

01:16:55.000 If you're a dog, that has to be terrifying.

01:16:57.000 Yeah, he saw it.

01:16:58.000 He just went, whoa!

01:16:59.000 Yeah.

01:17:00.000 Is he cool with it now?

01:17:02.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:17:02.000 He knows it's not real.

01:17:03.000 All right.

01:17:04.000 But that first time, he's like...

01:17:05.000 The first time, he's like...

01:17:06.000 And he hardly ever barks.

01:17:08.000 Does Carl...

01:17:09.000 One of his first barks ever, I think.

01:17:11.000 Carl saw it and was like... 1.00

01:17:12.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:17:13.000 You make noise? 1.00

01:17:14.000 Hey, cool.

01:17:16.000 Dude, that is great that you have a dog that you don't know if it barks or not.

01:17:19.000 Marshall never barks.

01:17:21.000 He'll bark if he wants to come inside, like if someone leaves him outside for a bit, and he comes to the door, he'll bark.

01:17:28.000 He'll like one bark.

01:17:30.000 Like, Mom!

01:17:32.000 Dad!

01:17:33.000 Someone's here!

01:17:34.000 Yeah, Dad!

01:17:35.000 We wrote it.

01:17:36.000 We were like, because we got her during the pandemic, so everyone was inside in New York, and so we're like, don't bark.

01:17:41.000 We live in an apartment. 1.00

01:17:42.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:17:43.000 And then, hilariously, Katie and I left the dog with her parents in Boston, and Oh no! 0.99

01:17:49.000 And we came back, and the dog's barking, and her mom rules, and her mom just in a boxing accent goes, she barks now. 0.99

01:17:57.000 And you're like, well, no, I don't think we want that.

01:18:00.000 We've tried hard not to do that. 0.98

01:18:01.000 And now she'll just like, she'll pop off for random shit, like people in the hallway. 0.99

01:18:06.000 Oh no. 0.97

01:18:07.000 Because we live in a big building, so someone will be out in the hallway, and she'll be like, what?

01:18:12.000 And just that.

01:18:13.000 And then it's the little grumbles. 1.00

01:18:16.000 Fuck it. 1.00

01:18:17.000 God damn it, dude. 1.00

01:18:18.000 I'm so jealous you can go everywhere with Carl. 1.00

01:18:20.000 I wish I could bring my fat little bitch everywhere with me. 1.00

01:18:23.000 Yeah, Carl can go anywhere. 1.00

01:18:24.000 Carl will just sit in your lap.

01:18:25.000 Yeah, Carl's just like...

01:18:26.000 Especially if you time it right.

01:18:28.000 Oh, Jamie, you get to get so evil if you want to and then you can just have like a dog where you're like, that is correct.

01:18:34.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

01:18:35.000 I fucking... 0.99

01:18:36.000 Having a dog was the greatest thing about the pandemic was we got a dog and it has made my life It just rules. 1.00

01:18:42.000 Dogs are amazing.

01:18:43.000 It just absolutely rules.

01:18:44.000 They're amazing.

01:18:45.000 I had one growing up, and then I just didn't forever.

01:18:48.000 And I was always like, no, I loved seeing dogs, but then having one, you're like...

01:18:53.000 You know what's really funny?

01:18:54.000 I always try to attribute human thought to the dog sometimes.

01:18:58.000 Yeah.

01:18:58.000 Like, I'm like, one of these days is going to get bored chasing this ball.

01:19:01.000 Nope.

01:19:02.000 There's not a chance in hell.

01:19:03.000 Every time I have one of those, it's like a stick with a scoop on the end of it that the ball goes in. 1.00

01:19:09.000 Oh, yeah, you get the highlight of that shit. 1.00

01:19:10.000 Yeah, you highlight the shit out of it. 1.00

01:19:11.000 Yeah, you got a fucking dog highlight. 1.00

01:19:13.000 It's nice. 1.00

01:19:14.000 It's fun.

01:19:14.000 Yeah, you can get that thing going.

01:19:16.000 He fucking loves that thing. 0.98

01:19:17.000 When he sees me pull that thing, he's like... 1.00

01:19:19.000 I videotaped it because it's so silly. 0.53

01:19:22.000 He's like bouncing around. 0.72

01:19:23.000 Oh, Jesus! 1.00

01:19:24.000 We do it every fucking day! 0.99

01:19:25.000 If someone controlled my PlayStation intake and then just pulled out a controller, I'd be like... 1.00

01:19:30.000 Ho! 1.00

01:19:32.000 Ho! 1.00

01:19:32.000 Are we going to play Rocket League? 1.00

01:19:34.000 Ho! 1.00

01:19:34.000 I guess that's what it is, right? 1.00

01:19:37.000 Because you never don't get pumped to play a really good game.

01:19:40.000 No.

01:19:40.000 Dude, Spider-Man 2. I'm so excited that they're coming out with DLCs coming and I'm going to go home and be like, that's me.

01:19:46.000 I'm like Marshall with the toy. 0.96

01:19:47.000 Hey, have you fucked around with VR at all? 1.00

01:19:50.000 No, I don't like that shit. 1.00

01:19:51.000 Let me explain why. 1.00

01:19:52.000 Old school pothead.

01:19:53.000 Loved to be very high.

01:19:55.000 I like controllers.

01:19:57.000 Right.

01:19:57.000 What I got was a Steam Deck, which is like...

01:20:00.000 You know the Nintendo Switch?

01:20:02.000 It's like that on steroids. 0.54

01:20:04.000 And it gets games like really good games for the road.

01:20:08.000 It has made it... 0.98

01:20:09.000 Because I've fucked with everything from Game Boy on. 0.97

01:20:12.000 And having a Steam Deck, I got it for Christmas. 0.97

01:20:15.000 I was like, this is the greatest thing I've ever had.

01:20:16.000 I had to draw the line with video games.

01:20:19.000 When we had, we set up a LAN. Yeah, you get that.

01:20:23.000 Back at the old studio.

01:20:24.000 Yeah.

01:20:24.000 And I got the bug again bad.

01:20:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:20:27.000 Where I was like- I mean, it is.

01:20:28.000 Running in there to play Quake. 0.67

01:20:31.000 Yeah, turn your brain off.

01:20:32.000 Couldn't wait. 1.00

01:20:33.000 Yeah, turn the- But always feel like shit when you leave. 1.00

01:20:35.000 Like, what the fuck did I just do? 0.99

01:20:37.000 You gotta do it in small servings. 0.98

01:20:40.000 Or there has to be a purpose to it where you're done at this moment.

01:20:45.000 Because if you can go, that's where you get sick.

01:20:48.000 It's just if you can just keep going until...

01:20:51.000 You need an ending point.

01:20:53.000 That's why I like Madden.

01:20:54.000 The game ends.

01:20:55.000 You're like, I played two games.

01:20:56.000 I'm good.

01:20:56.000 I should walk away from this.

01:20:57.000 With Quake, you could play death matches where you have five, six guys in a room and you're all killing each other.

01:21:04.000 And you respawn and it gets up to a certain amount of deaths.

01:21:07.000 Well, dude, I absolutely love video games.

01:21:10.000 When I moved to New York, I was like, I'm done with them.

01:21:13.000 And then six months later, I was like, where can I get a cheap Xbox 360?

01:21:17.000 I need to plug back in.

01:21:19.000 But yeah, I mean, Shane and I on my podcast were just talking about NCAA college football is coming out.

01:21:23.000 And we're, I think, going to plan a vacation around playing it because it's a game that hasn't been out since 2014. How does the new Apple...

01:21:31.000 What is it called again?

01:21:34.000 Vision Pro.

01:21:34.000 Vision Pro work.

01:21:36.000 Does it work?

01:21:36.000 I know it works with movies, but does it have to be everything from the App Store, or could you play PlayStation on it?

01:21:44.000 Yep.

01:21:44.000 You can play PlayStation?

01:21:45.000 Yes.

01:21:46.000 There's a way...

01:21:47.000 I've seen people connect...

01:21:51.000 If you could do that, then you're watching augmented reality PlayStation.

01:21:57.000 That's the way to get me in VR. Yeah, you're seeing a screen that's like fucking 30 feet wide, and you're on the field. 0.90

01:22:05.000 Yeah, dude, I would love to be... 0.73

01:22:06.000 And you got a remote controller, just like you do with your regular game.

01:22:10.000 You know, I grew up with the Miami Dolphins coach, Mike McDaniel.

01:22:14.000 It'd be fun to play Madden and just be standing next to him in VR with a controller. 0.99

01:22:17.000 I'm like, run the goddamn play, Mike! 0.96

01:22:19.000 Dude, I fenced with Mark Zuckerberg, and we weren't anywhere near each other. 0.99

01:22:24.000 He was on one side of the room, like 15 feet away.

01:22:27.000 Wait, you did this?

01:22:28.000 Really?

01:22:28.000 Well, this is the best example I can show you, is that, like, they're playing Red Dead Redemption 2 on a big screen, but this is the Yosemite environment that the Apple headset puts you in.

01:22:38.000 I love that.

01:22:39.000 Oh wow, so the sky is dark?

01:22:41.000 Cause here's the thing, Red Dead, Rockstar did such an incredible job.

01:22:45.000 Look at that, that's insane!

01:22:46.000 I would... 1.00

01:22:47.000 Shit. 1.00

01:22:48.000 By the way, there's scenes where you're out... 1.00

01:22:49.000 Look how big it is, too.

01:22:50.000 It's your entire field of view.

01:22:52.000 Yeah, and you can look around and just see...

01:22:54.000 That's about the most you could do right now.

01:22:56.000 But that must be amazing, when your entire field of view is taken up by the game...

01:23:01.000 And in moments like this, like Red Dead, there's moments where you're in like the desert or where you're in like a rainstorm up in the mountains.

01:23:09.000 Here's the question.

01:23:11.000 Here's the question.

01:23:12.000 Can you play Quake on that?

01:23:15.000 Dude, you know what it is?

01:23:16.000 You're like one of those people you go, I don't party anymore.

01:23:18.000 And then like two hours later you go.

01:23:20.000 You got it from Peru?

01:23:22.000 I'm just going to do a gummer.

01:23:24.000 Look how flaky it is.

01:23:26.000 Is that pure?

01:23:27.000 I saw your reaction to those screens in there.

01:23:29.000 Yes.

01:23:29.000 The big 55-inch screens.

01:23:31.000 Yes.

01:23:31.000 I have one of those at home, and I try to play Call of Duty on it.

01:23:34.000 There is a level of it's too big.

01:23:37.000 Oh, really?

01:23:38.000 Yeah.

01:23:38.000 What do you mean it's too big?

01:23:39.000 Have you ever played Call of Duty in front?

01:23:42.000 Have you ever gotten really close to the screen to play?

01:23:44.000 Yeah, when we moved into our apartment, we put the wrong TV in the bedroom, and Katie plays Call of Duty, and she was playing video games. 0.73

01:23:53.000 She's like, this is too much!

01:23:54.000 This is too much! 0.99

01:23:55.000 Because the screen was like fucking on it. 0.98

01:23:57.000 So we were like, oh yeah, we switched it out. 0.97

01:23:59.000 I remember back in the Quake playing days that guys didn't like, some guys didn't like monitors that were more than 21 inches.

01:24:08.000 They wanted it right in front of them, because you're moving your mouse, right?

01:24:14.000 Oh damn, I didn't know Quake was a keyboard and mouse game. 0.99

01:24:18.000 That's like some real shit. 1.00

01:24:20.000 That's the real shit. 1.00

01:24:21.000 That's the scary shit. 1.00

01:24:23.000 You get really good at the movement with the keys, and you get really good with your cursor, and you know how to jump, and every time you hit the spacebar, you're jumping. 0.99

01:24:32.000 Yeah, that's like Counter-Strike.

01:24:33.000 People used to be into Counter-Strike.

01:24:35.000 But Quake is really fast.

01:24:36.000 Yeah.

01:24:36.000 The thing about Quake is it's superhuman speeds.

01:24:39.000 You're moving at superhuman speeds with rocket launchers.

01:24:42.000 Oh, hell yeah.

01:24:42.000 And you can instantaneously change weapons.

01:24:45.000 You rocket someone in the air and you electrocute them to death.

01:24:48.000 It's insanity.

01:24:49.000 If you could do that, like that, on that kind of a screen...

01:24:52.000 I don't know, but I'll tell you what.

01:24:53.000 I'm looking up Quake 4 on my Steam Deck.

01:24:56.000 It's when I go to my hotel.

01:24:57.000 It's a keyboard mouse.

01:24:58.000 You really want a keyboard and a mouse.

01:25:00.000 Yeah, it's tough. 0.99

01:25:00.000 You don't want to fuck with it. 0.99

01:25:02.000 You need really precise movement. 0.99

01:25:05.000 Find a good one with good graphics.

01:25:07.000 The thing I'm trying to show you is how close some people put their face to their screen.

01:25:11.000 Yeah, they get right up on that.

01:25:13.000 I would imagine if you're controlling a 21-inch space and you are very accustomed to moving your cursor around a 21-inch space with your mouse, right?

01:25:23.000 You're moving it around.

01:25:24.000 You're very precise. 0.99

01:25:25.000 If you stretch that bitch out to 40 inches or 45 or 50, now you're doing this. 1.00

01:25:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:25:32.000 That does matter. 0.99

01:25:33.000 So it's all in one field of vision.

01:25:35.000 Right there.

01:25:35.000 You really want it like a 21-inch monitor, I think.

01:25:39.000 24 to 27 is the sweet spot.

01:25:40.000 That's it?

01:25:41.000 Yeah, that makes sense.

01:25:42.000 Bam, bam, bam.

01:25:43.000 And then you've got to get glued onto that screen.

01:25:45.000 Because you don't want to go back and forth to screens. 0.97

01:25:48.000 It's going to fuck with your timing.

01:25:49.000 Yeah, you need something that's consistent. 0.83

01:25:51.000 Yeah, you need to consider. 0.99

01:25:52.000 Those guys are fucking freaks with their mouse sensitivity and the weight of the mouse. 1.00

01:25:57.000 They add weights to the mouse. 1.00

01:25:58.000 They take weights away.

01:26:00.000 Some of them like lighter mouses.

01:26:01.000 They make mouses that are hollow to take as much weight out of them as possible.

01:26:06.000 So these guys make custom...

01:26:07.000 Gaming mice.

01:26:08.000 Mice.

01:26:09.000 Mice.

01:26:10.000 Find the lightweight gaming mice.

01:26:12.000 They literally, like you know what they do with race cars?

01:26:15.000 Yeah.

01:26:15.000 They take everything out, anything that weighs anything.

01:26:18.000 They drill holes in the door handles.

01:26:21.000 They do that.

01:26:21.000 Look at these mice.

01:26:23.000 Hybrid, dude. 0.77

01:26:24.000 Look at that.

01:26:24.000 They're like skeletons.

01:26:25.000 Those ones, that's $170.

01:26:28.000 Oh, dude, some of them are more than that.

01:26:30.000 It's at Pwnage.

01:26:32.000 Some of them are more than that.

01:26:33.000 I love that it's called Pwnage.

01:26:34.000 Yeah, do $495.

01:26:36.000 See that one in the lower right-hand side?

01:26:38.000 Yeah.

01:26:38.000 It says Eurogamer, Jamie.

01:26:40.000 The right-hand middle.

01:26:42.000 Yeah, that one.

01:26:42.000 Oh, right there, that lightweight in the middle row.

01:26:44.000 That's my style. 1.00

01:26:45.000 Damn, dude. 0.99

01:26:47.000 And so what you're hitting, because I know, are you using the wheel on the top? 0.99

01:26:50.000 I use the wheel to switch weapons.

01:26:52.000 Sometimes I use the reel for a rail gun.

01:26:56.000 So when I know I want to hit the rail gun, I just turn the wheel and it turns into the rail gun instantly.

01:27:00.000 So I have keys pressed that are all set up exactly for each weapon.

01:27:04.000 I feel like a coke head talking to a crack head.

01:27:07.000 I do blow, and you go, I smoke it out of glass after it's a rock, and I'm like, this is nuts.

01:27:14.000 Yeah, right key is all rocket launcher, always.

01:27:16.000 Always.

01:27:17.000 Always.

01:27:17.000 Keep that thing on rocket launcher.

01:27:18.000 Right key is rocket launcher.

01:27:19.000 Left key is fire.

01:27:21.000 And how long the games last?

01:27:23.000 Like you said they're fast, but like five minutes fast or like...

01:27:25.000 Well, there's a timer.

01:27:26.000 Okay.

01:27:27.000 So like if you're having a one-on-one deathmatch, you'll set a timer and it'll count you down and then it'll say, fight.

01:27:34.000 And then you're just running through the corridor, picking up weapons, trying to pick up armor.

01:27:39.000 And then dudes know where you're at because they can hear you, because they can hear your footsteps and you're grunting as you're running.

01:27:45.000 And so you're running through these corridors.

01:27:47.000 It's always one-on-one.

01:27:48.000 One-on-one? 0.99

01:27:48.000 Well, you can do multiple deathmatches where you just have a fucking melee. 0.99

01:27:53.000 Where there's like 30 dudes just killing each other. 0.99

01:27:56.000 And you keep respawning and they kill you.

01:27:58.000 Those are fun.

01:27:59.000 Those are really fun.

01:28:00.000 But the way to do it, like one-on-one deathmatch style, is the real way to do it.

01:28:06.000 Those are the duels.

01:28:07.000 Do you have any friends that if you picked Quake 4 up, you could call them and be like, we doing this?

01:28:12.000 I wouldn't do that to them.

01:28:13.000 I wouldn't do that to them.

01:28:15.000 He wouldn't bring that back into their life?

01:28:16.000 It's too immersive, man.

01:28:18.000 It's too good.

01:28:19.000 And if you have responsibilities...

01:28:21.000 Yeah.

01:28:22.000 Oh, no.

01:28:22.000 I mean, dude, I do my responsibilities to...

01:28:25.000 Look at this.

01:28:25.000 This is quick.

01:28:26.000 So it's kind of similar to Fortnite, right? 1.00

01:28:27.000 Look how fast this motherfuckers move. 1.00

01:28:29.000 So he's shooting the railgun. 1.00

01:28:30.000 Now the railgun kills you instantaneously.

01:28:33.000 The railgun is like wherever you point at, you hit.

01:28:35.000 Oh, and you got that Doom view.

01:28:37.000 This is like Doom.

01:28:38.000 Look at this.

01:28:39.000 And you're running like insanely fast.

01:28:41.000 Look how fast this moves.

01:28:43.000 It's fun to watch the camera on the guy because his face is doing nothing because he's so concentrated.

01:28:49.000 Yeah, and you can see how he's switching weapons.

01:28:52.000 Yeah.

01:28:52.000 That's right.

01:28:52.000 Now he's back with the railgun.

01:28:54.000 He's got a rocket launcher.

01:28:55.000 He's just flying around.

01:28:57.000 Are they?

01:28:57.000 Shotgun.

01:28:58.000 Boom.

01:28:58.000 Shotgun.

01:28:58.000 Killed that dude.

01:28:59.000 Now he's got the rocket. 0.98

01:29:00.000 Oh, that was the railgun.

01:29:01.000 This is the rocket.

01:29:01.000 That's the railgun.

01:29:02.000 That's the rocket launcher.

01:29:03.000 So he's just hopping around.

01:29:04.000 Do they do, like, pro tournaments of this? 0.99

01:29:06.000 Fuck yeah, they do. 0.99

01:29:07.000 This is the finals. 1.00

01:29:08.000 This is the top two guys.

01:29:09.000 Really?

01:29:09.000 Yeah.

01:29:10.000 So see how he keeps running back to these spots?

01:29:12.000 That means the weapons are respawning.

01:29:14.000 So every time you snatch a weapon, you have a little bit of time.

01:29:17.000 Boom! 1.00

01:29:17.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:29:18.000 Damn! 1.00

01:29:19.000 Okay. 0.99

01:29:19.000 Alright, this is the closest we've seen. 0.99

01:29:21.000 Now they're shooting railguns at each other.

01:29:22.000 So a railgun is like an instantaneous death unless you're really armored up.

01:29:26.000 Did he kill that guy?

01:29:27.000 It's 11 to 3. So whoever liquid RPH is.

01:29:30.000 He fucked that dude up, but that dude had to run and get some more shit. 1.00

01:29:32.000 So he had to run and get health. 0.99

01:29:33.000 So now he knows where he is.

01:29:35.000 Now he's chasing him.

01:29:35.000 How good did you get at this?

01:29:37.000 I got dead.

01:29:38.000 Decent.

01:29:38.000 You got decent, but you'd get on and then see some guys...

01:29:40.000 No, I get fucked up. 1.00

01:29:41.000 I get fucked up all the time. 0.99

01:29:42.000 When you play online games, you'll go against people, and you're like, oh, you're at a different level. 0.99

01:29:46.000 You don't have the time to compete with some autistic dude who's on ADHD medication, who doesn't have a job, who gets a government check, and he's just rocking people online. 0.99

01:29:59.000 It's like that South Park where they play World of Warcraft, and their villain is that guy that's like...

01:30:04.000 Those wrist brace on?

01:30:06.000 Those guys get good. 0.99

01:30:07.000 And their identity wraps around whatever their name is and they're going out fucking people up. 0.83

01:30:12.000 There's certain guys that you would see on a server and you're like, oh no. 0.85

01:30:16.000 Really?

01:30:16.000 Yeah, you have a match with them.

01:30:18.000 You just get killed like 100 to nothing.

01:30:20.000 Do you get that thing where you're like, stop!

01:30:22.000 Oh yeah, you get panicky.

01:30:23.000 You're running into walls trying to find armor.

01:30:26.000 Boom, getting blown up again.

01:30:28.000 Do they have videos of them freaking out? 0.99

01:30:30.000 Because that's something I like to see is gamers spazzing and being like, what the fuck? 0.98

01:30:35.000 Oh, there's a lot of those on Twitch, right? 0.99

01:30:36.000 That's great.

01:30:38.000 It's almost better than sports fans losing it and punching TVs.

01:30:40.000 Well, it's so crazy and you can do it anytime you want.

01:30:44.000 So you could have a match anytime you want.

01:30:47.000 That's too tempting.

01:30:47.000 Online with real people.

01:30:49.000 Anytime you want.

01:30:49.000 You log in, you see a server, you join the server, boom.

01:30:54.000 Yeah, you're in it.

01:30:54.000 There's one-on-one deathmatches where there's people waiting.

01:30:58.000 So you'll look, you'll find a server, you're like, one guy's waiting.

01:31:02.000 Deathslayer69 is waiting.

01:31:03.000 And he's just like... 1.00

01:31:04.000 And you spawn, and they'll start talking shit. 1.00

01:31:07.000 Fuck you, bitch. 1.00

01:31:07.000 And you got the keyboard so you can talk quick shit. 1.00

01:31:10.000 Fuck you, bitch. 1.00

01:31:11.000 Do we have to... 1.00

01:31:11.000 We'll play online Rocket League or whatever, which is like car soccer, and it's fun. 1.00

01:31:15.000 This guy's playing.

01:31:16.000 He's doing lots of rage right here, too.

01:31:17.000 Yeah, I rage a lot at Rocket League.

01:31:19.000 What is this?

01:31:20.000 I've played this for years.

01:31:21.000 It's like soccer?

01:31:22.000 It's soccer with cars, which sounds...

01:31:24.000 Dude, it is so addictive. 1.00

01:31:26.000 We get online at night, and Katie and her brother Kevin are both really good at it, and I'm like, I get too intense, and I'm like, fuck! 1.00

01:31:36.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:31:36.000 And I'll miss the ball and be like, fuck! 1.00

01:31:38.000 And I'll rage out. 1.00

01:31:39.000 But you'll play guys that you're like, oh, this guy's too good.

01:31:42.000 He'll hit it in the air, and then just over you, just score a goal, and you're like, what are you doing?

01:31:47.000 Yeah, there's tricks people can do in Quake.

01:31:50.000 Yeah, that's what I mean.

01:31:51.000 Like guys that get so good at it that you're like...

01:31:53.000 Guys rocket jump.

01:31:54.000 What is that?

01:31:55.000 When you rocket jump, so if you are fully armored, so if you have 200 armor, you can point your rocket down at the ground and jump at the same time as you pull the trigger and you go flying.

01:32:08.000 Oh, that's genius.

01:32:08.000 So you can rocket launch and rocket jump up to like a platform and then hide.

01:32:14.000 And then just start picking bitches apart. 1.00

01:32:17.000 And so everybody that walks in, you got the railgun, you got your cursor pointed right at the doorway, and every time people run in the doorway, boom! 0.97

01:32:24.000 Out, respawn.

01:32:25.000 That's how it is when I watch people play Call of Duty.

01:32:28.000 I'm like, oh, you're just picking people off.

01:32:30.000 Campers.

01:32:30.000 People get very mad at campers.

01:32:32.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00

01:32:33.000 But it's a fucking... 1.00

01:32:34.000 Look, you're gonna get mad at snipers in a war? 1.00

01:32:37.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:32:37.000 That's the part of the war. 1.00

01:32:39.000 What, are you mad at a sniper?

01:32:40.000 Snipers are cheating?

01:32:42.000 Stop camping.

01:32:43.000 He's like, I'm a sniper.

01:32:44.000 Was cheating big back when you were playing?

01:32:46.000 Oh yeah, there's bots.

01:32:48.000 So they would like...

01:32:49.000 People would program.

01:32:51.000 There was different bots, and one of them was an aim bot.

01:32:54.000 So what the aim bot would do is you could never miss. 0.99

01:32:57.000 So just with a regular stupid gun that only does 10 points of damage every time it hits you, you get a pistol when you start. 0.99

01:33:05.000 You're minimally armed. 1.00

01:33:06.000 That's why you're going around getting the guns.

01:33:07.000 It's very difficult to kill a fully armored guy with a pistol or a rifle or whatever you get.

01:33:12.000 So then you have to run and grab them.

01:33:14.000 You have to run and grab a rocket launcher.

01:33:16.000 It's like, what are those sweepstakes?

01:33:19.000 The Superstore sweepstakes where they're like, go!

01:33:21.000 And you're just like going through. 1.00

01:33:22.000 You're just running through, trying to gather up as much shit. 0.99

01:33:25.000 And you know the map. 0.99

01:33:26.000 Everybody has maps memorized.

01:33:27.000 So they know when things are spawning.

01:33:29.000 And some of them even have prompts that tell them, you know, health spawns in 30 seconds.

01:33:34.000 So every time they pass over armor, armor respawns.

01:33:36.000 And they have it all listed on the map, and they're running around.

01:33:39.000 And the guys would have these aim bots, and they could never miss.

01:33:43.000 So they would kill you, and every time they'd kill you, they would be fully armored, they'd have all the weapons, and then they'd know exactly where you were gonna be, and then they would kill you again, and they'd kill you again, and kill you again, and you couldn't, every now and then they would die, and they would respawn, and they would kill you again, because they couldn't miss.

01:33:58.000 I would love to just talk.

01:34:01.000 Is this an aimbot?

01:34:02.000 This is all sorts of, at the beginning of this video, which you were talking about.

01:34:05.000 This is Call of Duty?

01:34:06.000 Yeah, it shows you the cheats you can buy and how you can subscribe to them per month. 1.00

01:34:11.000 Oh, so you pay a company and they give you all that shit? 1.00

01:34:13.000 Oh, that's crazy. 1.00

01:34:15.000 Oh, that made me mad.

01:34:16.000 That's crazy.

01:34:17.000 And how do you prevent that?

01:34:19.000 You don't.

01:34:20.000 Bro, Call of Duty's a lot quicker than I thought it was. 0.99

01:34:22.000 That's fast as shit. 0.97

01:34:23.000 This game gets very fast. 0.99

01:34:24.000 When they do multiplayers, there's one game...

01:34:26.000 That's almost Quake-like.

01:34:27.000 Yeah, there's one level where they're doing like storage units that I watch.

01:34:32.000 Shipment.

01:34:33.000 Yeah, shipment.

01:34:34.000 That's what it is.

01:34:34.000 And it's like nonstop.

01:34:36.000 Like you just like turn a corner, you're dead. 1.00

01:34:37.000 Shoot, dead. 1.00

01:34:38.000 Like that fast. 0.99

01:34:39.000 But I remember one time, laser tag, back in the laser tag days.

01:34:43.000 Laser tag! 0.95

01:34:44.000 I camped.

01:34:45.000 One time.

01:34:46.000 You were a laser tag camper?

01:34:46.000 I camped at laser tag.

01:34:48.000 I just sat by the charge station and every time someone would recharge, I'd be like...

01:34:54.000 We all went, you know how you go out in the lobby and they'd show your stats?

01:34:57.000 My stats were like, I'm surprised they didn't get a call from the military.

01:35:01.000 It was like 700, I had like 300 kills.

01:35:04.000 It was something wild because I was just sitting there. 0.77

01:35:07.000 I was like a shitty little nine-year-old just being You know what you want to do? 0.95

01:35:09.000 What? 0.98

01:35:10.000 You want to do the zombie experience at Sandbox.

01:35:13.000 What is this?

01:35:15.000 Sandbox is a VR game place.

01:35:18.000 Okay.

01:35:18.000 You go, and there's a thing called Deadwood Mansion, and then there's a new Deadwood something.

01:35:24.000 So you go to a place to do VR. They have two zombie games.

01:35:27.000 Yeah.

01:35:28.000 Okay.

01:35:28.000 You put on the headsets, and you are in a house.

01:35:31.000 You are in this house that's getting stormed by zombies.

01:35:35.000 And everyone has something.

01:35:37.000 You either have two pistols, or you have a shotgun, or you have a rifle.

01:35:42.000 Listen to me.

01:35:43.000 Get the shotgun.

01:35:45.000 The shotgun is overpowered. 0.99

01:35:48.000 Sometimes they fuck up when they make a game. 0.97

01:35:50.000 Yeah, they gotta nerf a weapon. 0.99

01:35:51.000 The shotgun's overpowered.

01:35:52.000 The shotgun kills everything.

01:35:54.000 The shotgun is the weapon.

01:35:55.000 And you just stand there.

01:35:56.000 You just cha-cha-boom, cha-cha-boom. 0.97

01:35:58.000 But you're in a safe room so you don't run.

01:36:00.000 I'm just downing zombies, bro.

01:36:01.000 So you don't run into a table or anything.

01:36:03.000 Yeah, but you run into your friends, too, sometimes.

01:36:05.000 Because you're all together.

01:36:06.000 You can see each other, though.

01:36:07.000 Oh, so if you bump into it.

01:36:09.000 So literally, I would see you with your armor on.

01:36:11.000 I would know where your space is.

01:36:13.000 And we would all be moving around together.

01:36:15.000 But sometimes you bump backs into each other.

01:36:17.000 But there's zombies coming to the ceiling.

01:36:19.000 They're storming at you and clawing at you.

01:36:22.000 You see red in front of you when they get you.

01:36:24.000 As someone that has sworn off VR, this is the way to get me into it, which is saying VR zombies.

01:36:30.000 It's so fun. 0.99

01:36:31.000 Because it's got to be scary as shit. 0.99

01:36:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:36:33.000 At one time, I had the number three score for this Deadwood Mansion game.

01:36:38.000 Just sitting there.

01:36:39.000 I was like, what?

01:36:39.000 Because I got the shotgun.

01:36:40.000 Did you feel it, though?

01:36:41.000 Because one of the dudes who worked there told me, get the shotgun.

01:36:43.000 I was like, really?

01:36:43.000 He goes, yeah, get the shotgun.

01:36:44.000 Yeah, because you show up, he goes, hey, Joe Rogan, get the shotgun. 0.99

01:36:47.000 It's fucking over. 0.98

01:36:48.000 Thanks, man. 0.97

01:36:48.000 It's really fun. 0.97

01:36:49.000 It's a crazy game, dude.

01:36:52.000 It's crazy.

01:36:53.000 What the VR does to video games is it just heightens the emotional impact that it has on you because it's sensory.

01:36:59.000 It's kind of like deprivation tanks, but it's just putting all the senses into that.

01:37:03.000 Yeah.

01:37:04.000 Because I was obsessed with this game Friday the 13th that they made back on PS4. And you would either be a counselor or Jason.

01:37:12.000 And it's just all online. 0.99

01:37:14.000 Dude, it's fucking wild. 0.99

01:37:15.000 It was wild. 0.99

01:37:16.000 I loved it. 1.00

01:37:17.000 But what I would do is I'd smoke a fucking doink. 1.00

01:37:20.000 I would smoke a giant joint. 0.99

01:37:22.000 And then I'd turn off all the lights in my apartment and I'd play Jason.

01:37:26.000 And it's scary.

01:37:28.000 This is the guy who's Jason.

01:37:29.000 But you go around and you hunt.

01:37:31.000 See the counselors inside?

01:37:33.000 Oh my god, you're hunting counselors?

01:37:35.000 Yeah.

01:37:35.000 Bro, that's a dark movie.

01:37:37.000 And that's the phone box.

01:37:38.000 That's how you call the cops.

01:37:40.000 These guys set in a trap.

01:37:41.000 He's a decent Jason.

01:37:41.000 I still play it sometimes and I got it.

01:37:44.000 I'm level 150. He set a trap at the...

01:37:46.000 So Jason is smart?

01:37:47.000 Well, you can set...

01:37:48.000 It's you.

01:37:48.000 It's all strategy.

01:37:49.000 It's you versus these counselors.

01:37:51.000 Right, but Jason can set traps.

01:37:52.000 He has five bear traps and then five throwing knives.

01:37:56.000 Doesn't that seem unrealistic that Jason would know how to set traps? 1.00

01:37:58.000 Yeah, he's a stupid mutant that drowned in the... 1.00

01:38:00.000 Yeah, he's dead. 1.00

01:38:01.000 He's dead. 1.00

01:38:02.000 He's a monster. 1.00

01:38:03.000 But... 1.00

01:38:03.000 Shouldn't be that smart. 1.00

01:38:04.000 This game fucking... 1.00

01:38:05.000 You get so scared. 1.00

01:38:06.000 Dude, you get so scared when you're like...

01:38:07.000 Because when you're a counselor, you're just like walking around.

01:38:10.000 You're like going through drawers trying to find weapons or whatever.

01:38:12.000 Yeah.

01:38:13.000 And then all of a sudden, it's just like...

01:38:14.000 In the background, it's slowly like...

01:38:17.000 And then when Jason shows up, when you're at a cabin, he'll smash the window and it's like, yeah, yeah! 0.99

01:38:23.000 And if you have headphones on, you're like, get the fuck out of here! 0.99

01:38:27.000 I'm getting all goosed up. 0.99

01:38:29.000 I'm going home.

01:38:29.000 I'm playing Jason.

01:38:30.000 If the servers are still up, I'm fucking back on it when I get home. 0.82

01:38:33.000 I have not seen it, but I have heard legend of this alien game that's on VR that's supposed to be insane. 0.77

01:38:40.000 Like Alien, the first movie.

01:38:42.000 Like you get abducted?

01:38:42.000 Oh, Alien!

01:38:43.000 Ridley Scott Alien.

01:38:45.000 Yeah!

01:38:45.000 But there's an alien game.

01:38:46.000 I just watched Prometheus.

01:38:47.000 This is true?

01:38:49.000 I want to make sure this is true, because someone told me that it's a terrifying game that you can play on VR that's based on the first alien game.

01:38:57.000 Recently?

01:38:58.000 I just went through an alien kick.

01:39:00.000 No, they told me this at least a year ago, maybe more.

01:39:04.000 Probably more than a year ago. 0.97

01:39:06.000 Do you think we see in the future, do you think we see things like heart attacks and shit from VR, or is it already happening? 0.94

01:39:12.000 Like, people getting so scared that it hurts them in real life. 0.91

01:39:17.000 Well, I think if you're really vulnerable and your heart gets jacked up to like 190 beats a minute, especially if you have one of those guys on those omnidirectional treadmills they have now.

01:39:27.000 Oh, really?

01:39:28.000 Dude, they have a surface.

01:39:29.000 It's a new surface.

01:39:31.000 It's a contained surface, like a contained space.

01:39:34.000 And whatever direction you walk in, it moves.

01:39:38.000 Oh, so it does like the topography of like...

01:39:40.000 No, no, no.

01:39:41.000 It just stays flat.

01:39:42.000 But you can go left and right, and it goes left and right, and you back up, it backs up with you.

01:39:49.000 You stay in the same spot, but you're walking around.

01:39:52.000 And it somehow or another registers through the headset into the flooring which direction you're going, and it compensates for that. 0.98

01:40:01.000 They're gonna think we're such idiots in the future when they're like, you're just holding a controller and playing. 0.97

01:40:06.000 But, do you know what kind of good shape you would get in? 0.99

01:40:08.000 Disney updated this.

01:40:09.000 It's not available yet, but they've made one that's now, they've shown it this year.

01:40:13.000 Here's what you do.

01:40:14.000 You put ankle weights on, and you put a weighted vest on.

01:40:19.000 Yeah.

01:40:19.000 And then you play one of these gun games that's like really intensive, and you get that, and you're walking around with all that weight on?

01:40:28.000 Bro, that's a fucking workout. 0.96

01:40:29.000 Also, what they should do is, you know, we got those trillions of dollars going around in our military. 0.99

01:40:34.000 The military probably has something like this developed.

01:40:36.000 100%.

01:40:37.000 100%.

01:40:37.000 They're with Boston Dynamics.

01:40:39.000 They're probably laughing at this. 0.99

01:40:40.000 Yeah, they go, you want to see our robot take down a fucking village in Columbia?

01:40:44.000 The alien game I found, if this is the correct one, is someone made the actual alien game, and they made a VR port of it, if you will. 0.89

01:40:54.000 They've sort of hacked it so that it works in VR. Oh, really?

01:40:57.000 I think that must be it.

01:40:58.000 I think that must be it.

01:41:00.000 But dude, alien. 0.99

01:41:01.000 But what I heard is it's fucking terrifying. 0.99

01:41:04.000 Yeah, because You can get scared as shit. 0.99

01:41:06.000 I mean, I got scared as shit at that Jason game and I knew what was going on. 0.99

01:41:09.000 But that one movie was scarier because there was only one alien that was smart. 0.92

01:41:13.000 It was great. 0.99

01:41:13.000 They kind of fucked that up in the second one because there was a bunch of them and they were kind of easy to kill. 0.99

01:41:18.000 What happened? 0.97

01:41:18.000 And they also just threw it in. 0.97

01:41:20.000 They were like, and we're on the ship.

01:41:21.000 We're on this planet.

01:41:21.000 Here you go.

01:41:22.000 There's a ton of them.

01:41:23.000 I never bought the second one.

01:41:24.000 It's a great movie by itself.

01:41:27.000 Aliens is a great movie, but it's not the same thing as the first movie. 0.98

01:41:31.000 That first one was smart as fuck. 0.98

01:41:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:41:33.000 It was smart and clever. 1.00

01:41:35.000 It would wait for people and hide.

01:41:36.000 It knew how to get around you.

01:41:38.000 It knew how to attack you when you weren't looking.

01:41:42.000 And the second one- And the little mouth.

01:41:44.000 Yeah.

01:41:45.000 Was the little mouth in the second one where it came out?

01:41:47.000 Oh, they always come out.

01:41:48.000 Yeah, they come out of there. 0.99

01:41:49.000 The tongue is like a mouth and it gets you right in the head and sucks your brains out. 0.80

01:41:52.000 Did you like Prometheus? 0.97

01:41:54.000 Yes.

01:41:55.000 I loved it.

01:41:55.000 I just watched it.

01:41:56.000 I did.

01:41:56.000 I loved it.

01:41:57.000 I loved the idea.

01:41:58.000 I had a problem with the idea.

01:42:00.000 I had a problem with the ending because she escapes on this... 0.92

01:42:04.000 Spoiler alert.

01:42:05.000 She escapes on the spacecraft of the architects, like the big humans that made us.

01:42:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:11.000 And she's going back to their world She sets the course to be like, no, fuck this. 1.00

01:42:16.000 I'm going to go where these people are from that made us and made the Animorph, made the alien. 0.99

01:42:23.000 Yeah.

01:42:25.000 It just leaves you.

01:42:26.000 It just leaves you high and dry.

01:42:27.000 Where you're like, where'd she go? 1.00

01:42:29.000 Show me that shit. 1.00

01:42:30.000 I want to see what planet all these architects are living on. 1.00

01:42:32.000 The last one was really good.

01:42:35.000 Alien 3?

01:42:36.000 What was the last?

01:42:38.000 Covenant.

01:42:39.000 Covenant was good, dude.

01:42:41.000 You know who's in that?

01:42:42.000 Jesse Smoulet.

01:42:43.000 Really? 0.99

01:42:44.000 Damn, when he pops up and stuff, you're like, oh hey! 0.99

01:42:47.000 Like Mighty Ducks? 0.99

01:42:48.000 It was on like during Christmas and it was just on in my hotel and I was like, hey, Jesse Smollett!

01:42:52.000 That's the kind of mistake that's tough to forget.

01:42:55.000 Well, it's getting caught in such a major lie.

01:42:58.000 Such a sociopathic situation where you're just doing something for attention that's so...

01:43:04.000 And you get turned on by the people that were helping you? 1.00

01:43:09.000 Where they go like, yeah, fuck that guy. 1.00

01:43:11.000 I helped him and he's a fucking dick. 1.00

01:43:13.000 And you're like, oh my god. 1.00

01:43:15.000 That's what's wild is, dude, if I got...

01:43:17.000 It's also like the way it was structured to come in with the noose still on his neck.

01:43:22.000 Like, what?

01:43:23.000 Yeah, dude.

01:43:23.000 It's like, oh no!

01:43:25.000 It's like a...

01:43:28.000 You know, it's like murder mystery dinners, you know, where they have to oversell it, where they're like, oh, the knife is still in me!

01:43:37.000 But isn't that crazy that there's people out there that will do literally anything?

01:43:41.000 Yeah, because they're not in therapy.

01:43:43.000 They don't understand why they're reaching out for this.

01:43:48.000 But don't you think people that are that broken, like, it's not that simple.

01:43:53.000 That's so broken.

01:43:54.000 No, not at all.

01:43:54.000 I think what it is is it's like...

01:43:57.000 You know when there's like an infection because something's embedded in you?

01:44:01.000 Yes.

01:44:01.000 But it's not the thing that's embedded in you that's causing the problem as much as it is the part of it that's infected and now it's got a different thing?

01:44:09.000 Right.

01:44:09.000 That's what that is, where it's like something happened to them and instead of them solving it and pulling that out, that splinter that got infected, the infection built on it and now you're dealing with six things on top of the actual problem.

01:44:22.000 That's my guess.

01:44:24.000 But that's what it feels like. 0.98

01:44:25.000 Because I've seen people go through bad shit and correct it and be okay. 0.99

01:44:30.000 And I've seen people go through kind of bad shit and then it just snowballs. 1.00

01:44:34.000 There's also this thing that people do when they do things like that where they recognize that a certain amount of bullshit... 1.00

01:44:42.000 Is tolerable. 0.99

01:44:43.000 Yeah.

01:44:43.000 A certain amount of you exaggerating an experience and saying that you were threatened, a certain amount of that seems to be tolerated.

01:44:54.000 Where you don't want to question because then it appears that you're insensitive and you go, well, you know, and then there were so many people that stood up for that guy and like made these tweets about...

01:45:04.000 Well, we're knee-jerk reaction. 0.66

01:45:05.000 Yeah, but it's also like we don't have any information.

01:45:07.000 You don't have any information and you're acting on this, but...

01:45:10.000 The story seems so implausible Nobody wanted to say it.

01:45:15.000 Nobody wanted to say I think he made that up.

01:45:16.000 I immediately thought of When that happened, and the reaction a couple weeks later, I immediately thought of Ben Stiller in The Cable Guy, when they're doing the Menendez Brothers spoof, and they do the phone call, and he goes, I don't know who it was,

01:45:33.000 but he was Asian!

01:45:35.000 And they're clearly lying on the phone call, and you're like, that's kind of how that felt to me, where you're like, dude...

01:45:43.000 You work in the arts.

01:45:44.000 You should know how to tell a better story. 1.00

01:45:46.000 Your storytelling is dog shit. 1.00

01:45:49.000 Yeah, that's right. 1.00

01:46:01.000 So that's like, they're spoofing them.

01:46:04.000 They clearly killed their parents, but that was their excuse.

01:46:07.000 And you're like, someone like him, who's been a child actor, this guy's been a child actor his whole life, right?

01:46:14.000 And they know how the rollercoaster goes. 0.95

01:46:16.000 They know they're on fire, they're in Mighty Ducks, they're in fucking Alien Covenant, you know what I mean? 0.97

01:46:21.000 And then they're on a big show. 1.00

01:46:23.000 They're on a big fucking show. 0.99

01:46:25.000 And then it starts... 1.00

01:46:27.000 The tank starts running out.

01:46:28.000 Where you're like, hey, the show's running out and we're not paying you as much as you think you need to get paid.

01:46:34.000 You get desperate.

01:46:35.000 And you start being like, well, what can I do to stay up there?

01:46:41.000 How do I rocket launch?

01:46:43.000 Am I wearing enough armor to jump and rocket launch myself back up? 1.00

01:46:47.000 And he fucked up. 1.00

01:46:48.000 It was a desperate move. 1.00

01:46:51.000 A publicity move.

01:46:52.000 Yeah, being like, if this works, I am the victim.

01:46:56.000 Everyone loves a victim. 0.99

01:46:57.000 And it'll just keep being that, but then you get fucking caught, dude. 0.99

01:47:03.000 Hilarious. 0.99

01:47:04.000 It's just funny. 0.99

01:47:05.000 It's just the funniest shit in the world is to go like, What's up? 0.99

01:47:08.000 Like that call when they... 0.98

01:47:09.000 Dude, Ran is Easy did this awesome show in Edinburgh at Fringe in 2019 when I was there.

01:47:16.000 And he did an hour about what it was like being busted lying about 9-11.

01:47:23.000 Right.

01:47:24.000 Dude, the show gave me anxiety.

01:47:27.000 He did it beautifully.

01:47:28.000 He did it beautifully.

01:47:30.000 It was funny.

01:47:31.000 It started funny.

01:47:32.000 He was explaining how he was famous.

01:47:34.000 It was the league.

01:47:34.000 It was the last season.

01:47:36.000 And he goes into the...

01:47:37.000 And he tells you about the call from the New York Times.

01:47:40.000 Where the guy goes, I want to talk about 9-11.

01:47:43.000 And Reina Zizi was like... 1.00

01:47:45.000 Dude, the way he...

01:47:46.000 Even telling you that. 1.00

01:47:46.000 The way he describes it, you're like, oh, fuck. 1.00

01:47:49.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:47:50.000 But he made it funny. 1.00

01:47:51.000 And he made it into a thing of like, I fucked up. 0.99

01:47:54.000 It was a great hour. 0.99

01:47:54.000 I hope he taped that. 0.99

01:47:55.000 I don't know if he ever taped that.

01:47:57.000 But, I mean, that feeling of like Smollett getting caught when that first thing where they go, they're not buying it. 1.00

01:48:03.000 And he's like, fuck. 0.99

01:48:05.000 I think he's maintained that he told the truth through the entire time, hasn't he? 1.00

01:48:10.000 Yeah, I think he, I think he, Did he ever say...

01:48:13.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:48:14.000 This is where I feel bad for actors, because as comedians, we can immediately go like, I'm a fucking idiot. 0.99

01:48:19.000 Like, we can say we're wrong much easier than actors. 1.00

01:48:24.000 Right.

01:48:24.000 Because actors have that, and you know, you've been around them, they have that, like...

01:48:28.000 It's like being around the queen. 0.97

01:48:31.000 There's like little rules that you can't do where you're like, I can't bust your balls because you'll take it seriously. 0.99

01:48:37.000 Yes. 0.97

01:48:37.000 That's just how the entertainment business is. 0.97

01:48:39.000 Like musicians act different than actors and actors act different than comedians and there's just all this stuff.

01:48:44.000 But I don't think as an actor, he can go like... 0.99

01:48:48.000 Ah, fuck, man, I was desperate. 0.99

01:48:50.000 You don't know when you're gonna get on your next show. 1.00

01:48:52.000 You don't know when you're gonna get your next gig.

01:48:53.000 If he would've just done one of those, he probably would've- But then you'd have to admit that it was true.

01:48:59.000 That's what I mean.

01:49:00.000 And I don't think he wants to admit that it was true.

01:49:02.000 And now he's stuck in that prison forever.

01:49:03.000 Ooh. 1.00

01:49:04.000 And now he's stuck in that thing where you're like, so you're saying something that we all, that the guys involved said that you were full of shit. 1.00

01:49:11.000 You know what's wild, though? 0.99

01:49:12.000 I guarantee you that some people believe him still.

01:49:14.000 Like, there's people that believe Cosby to the end.

01:49:17.000 That is, what a ride or die.

01:49:19.000 When that evidence comes out, it's like women that love serial killers. 1.00

01:49:23.000 You're like, you can just get there, huh?

01:49:26.000 It's like thinking that that orc is not going to turn on you after it did three.

01:49:31.000 After it killed three people and you're like, you know, my pool's a little bit bigger.

01:49:35.000 And then there's like the female vampire helper. 0.98

01:49:41.000 Like Ghislaine Maxwell is like the female vampire helper. 0.99

01:49:45.000 There is a level of evil on that whole Ghislaine Maxwell Epstein.

01:49:51.000 That's why it's such a joke right now is because it's so bad.

01:49:56.000 It's like an Epstein Island. 0.88

01:49:58.000 And you're like, oh, it's the worst of the worst. 1.00

01:50:00.000 It's like the most disgusting shit. 1.00

01:50:02.000 But it comes back to what we're talking about with billionaires. 1.00

01:50:06.000 It's like, if you got that evil person in your ear right there, you're doing some dark shit. 0.99

01:50:12.000 Looks great. 0.99

01:50:13.000 Ghislaine Maxwell looks great as she runs Florida Prison Half Marathon, does yoga and Pilates ahead of March Appeal.

01:50:20.000 Who reads that and goes, good, good.

01:50:22.000 Let her out. 0.99

01:50:23.000 Yay, let her out. 1.00

01:50:24.000 I'm glad she's running.

01:50:25.000 There's got to be people.

01:50:27.000 Her life is threatened on a level that we'll never understand.

01:50:31.000 Bro, there is no chance she stays alive if they let her out.

01:50:34.000 No.

01:50:34.000 Because the people that are...

01:50:36.000 She's gonna be writing a book, you know?

01:50:38.000 If she writes a book...

01:50:39.000 There's already a manuscript.

01:50:41.000 There's already like...

01:50:42.000 Do you think that that's why she's in prison?

01:50:45.000 Listen to this.

01:50:46.000 What if she goes to prison to write a book? 0.99

01:50:50.000 Because they say the only way that this information is going to get out is if we have you locked up and we protect you and you write a book.

01:50:58.000 Dude, her information of Rolodex, of the things that have happened, can destroy people that are as powerful as our top businesses.

01:51:11.000 It will topple kings.

01:51:12.000 She has information on people.

01:51:15.000 Of course they're going to lock her up.

01:51:16.000 Isn't that wild?

01:51:17.000 Yeah, let her live in the villages in Florida. 1.00

01:51:19.000 She's fucking... 1.00

01:51:21.000 She's dangerous. 1.00

01:51:21.000 She has a dangerous amount of knowledge. 1.00

01:51:24.000 And she's probably known the clock's ticking.

01:51:26.000 Yeah.

01:51:27.000 Release of court documents.

01:51:28.000 Expect well over 100 people connected to Epstein.

01:51:30.000 Which is just like...

01:51:32.000 Hold up.

01:51:32.000 What's the full...

01:51:33.000 She's serving 20 years in prison for luring young women, blah, blah, blah. 1.00

01:51:37.000 Shared her thoughts via an attorney ahead of the release of court documents expected to name well over 100 people connected with Epstein.

01:51:44.000 Maxwell's lawyer, Arthur Idalla, said that New York Nation's Mario Cuomo...

01:51:51.000 No, not Cuomo.

01:51:52.000 Cuomo.

01:51:53.000 Chris Cuomo, right?

01:51:54.000 It's Cuomo.

01:51:54.000 Chris Cuomo.

01:51:55.000 I think it's the younger one.

01:51:56.000 I don't know.

01:51:57.000 Yeah, the guy who used to be on CNN. Yes.

01:51:59.000 News Nation's Cuomo that Maxwell has nothing to say about the impending release of names, but that the former socialite takes issue with the fact that the only person facing consequences over the rampant sex trafficking of young girls is a woman.

01:52:12.000 I don't think she has anything to talk about except maybe that if you look at this crime, this overall crime, it's all about men abusing women for a long period of time.

01:52:22.000 And it's only one person in jail, a woman. 0.97

01:52:25.000 Absolutely genius.

01:52:26.000 What a genius defense.

01:52:27.000 Her going like this.

01:52:28.000 So I guess it's a boys club when everyone's getting abused, but in court it's only a woman. 1.00

01:52:32.000 And you're like, well, the other guy got murdered.

01:52:34.000 Like Epstein got murdered in jail.

01:52:35.000 Maybe you should tell us who else is involved and we'll lock them up too.

01:52:38.000 Yeah, we'll throw some boy names out.

01:52:40.000 But how weird is it that no one got named?

01:52:42.000 Well, that's what I mean with...

01:52:44.000 That's how you know how much power is involved in this.

01:52:46.000 She's on a level of danger that they're like...

01:52:50.000 She's like, that's what we need to really get in our heads. 0.84

01:52:52.000 There's still an I can kill you in front of everybody and hide it in the news thing going on.

01:52:58.000 What did Putin just do? 0.95

01:53:00.000 Yeah.

01:53:00.000 Putin just killed the journalist and was like, what are you guys going to do?

01:53:03.000 And we're like, those subways are real nice.

01:53:07.000 What was that guy's name?

01:53:08.000 Navalny? 0.98

01:53:09.000 Yeah, I always fuck it up. 0.97

01:53:11.000 I've only read it.

01:53:12.000 That guy seemed to be not like the sweetest of dudes either, right? 0.93

01:53:16.000 Everyone's dirty.

01:53:17.000 Everyone's a human being.

01:53:19.000 That's the whole point.

01:53:20.000 There's danger on...

01:53:21.000 Was he a nationalist?

01:53:23.000 I think he just spoke out against Putin.

01:53:25.000 The crazy one that I'm still obsessed with is the dude that tried to overthrow Putin.

01:53:32.000 Do you remember that?

01:53:33.000 When they were moving in with an army?

01:53:35.000 Let's get to this guy first.

01:53:37.000 Alexei...

01:53:37.000 Russian...

01:53:38.000 Yeah.

01:53:39.000 Alexei...

01:53:39.000 Navalny was a Russian opposition leader, lawyer, anti-corruption activist, and political prisoner.

01:53:43.000 He organized anti-government demonstrations and ran for office to advocate reforms against corruption in Russia and against President Vladimir Putin and his government.

01:53:52.000 So what was the controversy about him, though?

01:53:54.000 His views?

01:53:56.000 He's against Putin?

01:53:57.000 No, no, no.

01:53:57.000 But there were some other ones.

01:53:58.000 There were some other ones, like...

01:54:00.000 He's a Cosby believer.

01:54:02.000 He's like, I think Bill Cosby got a bad rap.

01:54:07.000 He had some questionable things that I was reading.

01:54:09.000 But the other dude led an army, and they were like, hey, he's marching on Moscow?

01:54:16.000 And then he went, just kidding, no I'm not.

01:54:18.000 And then a month later, they're like, his plane crashed.

01:54:20.000 And you're like...

01:54:21.000 Why were you getting in a plane?

01:54:23.000 You went against Putin and you're going to fly around in Russia? 1.00

01:54:26.000 Are you out of your fucking mind? 1.00

01:54:28.000 What the fuck is wrong with you? 1.00

01:54:29.000 How is no one around him going, like, you can't John Madden this? 1.00

01:54:32.000 You can't take a bus?

01:54:33.000 We can protect a bus.

01:54:35.000 Imagine thinking that Putin wouldn't kill you when you pulled up to Moscow.

01:54:39.000 In a tank!

01:54:40.000 He, like, showed up in a tank!

01:54:42.000 That's before he died.

01:54:44.000 Okay.

01:54:44.000 Just, like, who he was.

01:54:48.000 Who he was.

01:54:49.000 I mean, I don't know what So he's basically an anti-Putin activist, Russian opposition figure, anti-corruption activist, was unlawfully detained, has now been in prison for 11 years and six months.

01:55:01.000 He's still in prison and suffers continual ill treatment, including constant surveillance and psychological pressure.

01:55:07.000 He must be freed immediately and unconditionally.

01:55:08.000 So he died in prison.

01:55:10.000 And what was the controversy about him?

01:55:14.000 Someone was saying something about his nationalist views.

01:55:20.000 It could be.

01:55:21.000 Just see if you can find something.

01:55:22.000 Someone was saying terrible things about him.

01:55:25.000 But I mean, that guy dies and you go like...

01:55:26.000 But you always wonder, like, that is something that they would do.

01:55:30.000 Yeah.

01:55:30.000 You know, they'd say, oh, he just...

01:55:31.000 Do you remember when you got that guy, Litvinenko, in England with the sushi?

01:55:37.000 Yeah.

01:55:38.000 Where they just reached down and were like...

01:55:39.000 You're dead.

01:55:41.000 Plutonium. 0.99

01:55:41.000 They put plutonium in the guy's sushi. 0.99

01:55:43.000 And there was like, he was like a rogue KGB agent.

01:55:47.000 And they were like, but dude, you think they're bad.

01:55:50.000 What do you think we do?

01:55:52.000 Yeah, we do that too.

01:55:53.000 What do you think we do? 0.99

01:55:54.000 We do shit that we're like, the CIA's been cooking up stuff that like, even Russians go like, that's pretty fucking good. 0.99

01:56:01.000 Like, do you ever think they like wink at each other? 1.00

01:56:03.000 Like, you're fucking... 1.00

01:56:04.000 Nuts! 1.00

01:56:05.000 And he's like, yeah, we fucking did this whole thing. 0.99

01:56:08.000 We flew planes into our towers! 1.00

01:56:09.000 And they're like, you guys don't give a fuck! 1.00

01:56:12.000 Like if there's an open conversation about it, they just fuck around. 1.00

01:56:18.000 Not a Western liberal Democrat. 0.99

01:56:20.000 There's a darker side to him, some say. 0.99

01:56:22.000 That's such a fucking, they're pushing that out there to be like, hey. 0.98

01:56:26.000 It's controversial views on Muslims in the caucus, Georgians, and Central Asian migrants in Russia. 0.99

01:56:33.000 Immigrants from Central Asia bring in drugs to Russia, Navalny said in an interview with 2012, defending what he described as a realist visa requirement for wonderful people from Tajikistan and Uzbekistan.

01:56:47.000 While he was reflected upon some of these past remarks, they frequently resurface, causing some to question if Navalny is what many in the Western world think he is.

01:56:57.000 Navalny's controversial statements stem from his political origins in the nationalist movement, according to McGinn.

01:57:04.000 There will be a feel-good A24 movie about this guy in two years.

01:57:09.000 He used to attend the Russian March, a very far-right nationalist group generally behind the slogan, Russia for ethnic Russians.

01:57:17.000 Anybody who expects Navalny to be an ideal Western liberal Democrat has been mistaken, she tells Euronews.

01:57:24.000 His ultra-nationalistic sentiment was prominent in a video dating back some 17 years filled with xenophobic comments.

01:57:31.000 Do you think this is like his getting like when comics, when they bring up old clips of comics on podcasts?

01:57:36.000 Like he was like, aw, that was 12 years ago.

01:57:39.000 I was crazy.

01:57:41.000 So this is what he was saying.

01:57:42.000 He said, everything in our way should be carefully but decisively removed through deportation, Navalny said in a video dressed as a dentist, comparing immigrants to dental cavities.

01:57:53.000 What, he was dressed up?

01:57:53.000 He was doing costume work?

01:57:56.000 He has his hands like this. 0.96

01:57:57.000 He's like, I know we're having fun here, but really, we've got to get rid of immigrants. 1.00

01:58:02.000 Maybe it was a sketch.

01:58:04.000 Yeah, he's just doing an SNL sketch.

01:58:07.000 He's like, live from Moscow, it's political prison!

01:58:10.000 Maybe someone said, you know, Navalny, the best way to get this information out is humor.

01:58:15.000 I want you to be over the top against the immigrants. 1.00

01:58:18.000 Over the top, like their fucking cavities, and I'm the dentist. 1.00

01:58:23.000 Navalny take care of cavities for you. 0.99

01:58:25.000 They go, we'll call it laughing gas, and it's all sketches done like a dentist.

01:58:31.000 And they just tricked this dude into doing this.

01:58:34.000 They really did a movie already?

01:58:35.000 I already made a documentary about him two years ago.

01:58:37.000 Oh, they had it.

01:58:38.000 And what does the documentary say?

01:58:39.000 I have no idea.

01:58:41.000 Does it say, is it all a pro thing?

01:58:43.000 CNN, HBO. Yeah, HBO and CNN. The Putin thing?

01:58:46.000 Yeah, see, anybody that's in opposition to Putin has to be good.

01:58:50.000 You know, it's the enemy of our enemy.

01:58:51.000 It's my friend.

01:58:52.000 Yeah.

01:58:54.000 But that's a controversial take.

01:58:57.000 This guy was just gossiping.

01:58:58.000 This guy's like, did you hear what Putin did?

01:59:00.000 And then the other guy was like, I got tanks, bro. 0.99

01:59:03.000 We're fucking pulling up to Moscow. 0.96

01:59:05.000 Anybody was going to be okay. 0.99

01:59:07.000 Thought he was fine.

01:59:07.000 And by the way, it was in the news a lot, and then it was completely gone, which are like...

01:59:13.000 Of course he did it.

01:59:14.000 Everybody knows he did it.

01:59:15.000 He just sucked the air out of the room.

01:59:17.000 Putin's always like, what are you guys doing?

01:59:19.000 Yeah, that's my favorite.

01:59:20.000 Why are you always going after me?

01:59:22.000 What are you guys doing?

01:59:23.000 We haven't invaded anybody.

01:59:24.000 Oliver Stone interview and the Tucker interview, he really loves to be like, you guys aren't so great. 0.99

01:59:32.000 You know when you fight with your girl and she'll bring up something you did and you get defensive, so you just go like, yeah, but what's up with you fucking... 0.98

01:59:40.000 You do stuff. 0.99

01:59:41.000 Ah!

01:59:42.000 Totally. 1.00

01:59:43.000 You're a bitch sometimes. 1.00

01:59:45.000 Goddammit, I got nothing. 1.00

01:59:46.000 I got nothing.

01:59:47.000 I'm sorry.

01:59:49.000 That's true.

01:59:50.000 But he's got a point. 1.00

01:59:51.000 We do a lot of shit. 0.99

01:59:53.000 Do you remember the lady that wrote him the poem when he invaded the Ukraine? 1.00

01:59:59.000 She wrote him a poem?

02:00:00.000 This Hollywood actress did a thing that was like... 1.00

02:00:03.000 Yeah, dude.

02:00:04.000 No way. 1.00

02:00:05.000 This shit is so funny. 1.00

02:00:06.000 No, this is not real. 1.00

02:00:06.000 Don't tell me this is real. 1.00

02:00:08.000 You never saw this?

02:00:09.000 No. 1.00

02:00:09.000 Dude, this shit is so funny. 1.00

02:00:11.000 Play it from the beginning. 1.00

02:00:12.000 This is the most I'm in L.A. bubble.

02:00:14.000 Oh my god, I have to see this.

02:00:16.000 I have to see this, and I don't want...

02:00:17.000 I'm so sorry that I was not your mother.

02:00:23.000 If I was your mother, you would have been so loved.

02:00:26.000 Held in the arms of joyous light.

02:00:28.000 Never would this story's plight the world unfurled before our eyes, a pure demise of nations sitting peaceful under a night sky.

02:00:37.000 If I was your mother, the world would have been warm.

02:00:40.000 So much laughter and joy and nothing would harm.

02:00:44.000 I can't imagine the stain, the soul-stealing pain that the little boy you must have seen and believed and the formulation of thought This is so self-gratuitous.

02:00:56.000 Yeah, lady, just get to the punch. 1.00

02:01:00.000 There's too many superfluous words.

02:01:03.000 It's quite superfluous.

02:01:05.000 It's a word salad, lady. 0.90

02:01:06.000 It's nonsense.

02:01:07.000 But by the way, do you know that...

02:01:09.000 A wild one, though.

02:01:10.000 Yeah.

02:01:10.000 But you also know that Vladimir Putin was given up...

02:01:13.000 You know, he's given up by his mother for adoption.

02:01:16.000 Oh, really?

02:01:16.000 He has, like, a horrible relationship with his mother.

02:01:19.000 He was, like...

02:01:20.000 He was given up for adoption, and the people...

02:01:23.000 And they, like, started training him as, like, a...

02:01:25.000 Like young, young, he got into like- As a soldier.

02:01:29.000 Yeah, he's like a super soldier. 1.00

02:01:30.000 He was like built for this shit. 1.00

02:01:31.000 So this woman in a condo in Santa Monica going, I would hug you and I would feel the plight of the world on my shoulders. 1.00

02:01:39.000 And he goes, lady, I was left for dead.

02:01:42.000 Yeah, and you would be dead as well.

02:01:44.000 You would not be my mother. 1.00

02:01:46.000 I would kill you. 1.00

02:01:47.000 Okay. 1.00

02:01:48.000 He fucking doesn't give a shit. 1.00

02:01:50.000 Putin is so scary that when he put on hockey equipment and played against the Russian team, they let him score like six goals. 1.00

02:01:57.000 It was some Kim Jong-un shit. 1.00

02:01:58.000 100%. 1.00

02:01:59.000 They're like, oh, whoa!

02:02:00.000 Look at him go!

02:02:01.000 He's a legit black belt in judo, though.

02:02:04.000 Is he?

02:02:04.000 Mm-hmm.

02:02:05.000 Yeah.

02:02:05.000 He does sambo and judo?

02:02:08.000 I do not know if he does sambo as well. 1.00

02:02:10.000 But that guy can fuck shit. 1.00

02:02:11.000 He definitely does judo. 1.00

02:02:12.000 He's a legit black belt.

02:02:13.000 Like, he's an older guy, but by the way he moves and the things he does, he does everything absolutely correct.

02:02:20.000 And I'm not a judo expert.

02:02:23.000 But I know how these throws look when I see judo experts do them.

02:02:27.000 But this isn't the Steven Seagal videos, where he's just doing like the...

02:02:31.000 Well, no, that's not...

02:02:32.000 See, like, right there.

02:02:33.000 That's a beautiful hip toss. 1.00

02:02:34.000 That is a beautiful hip toss. 1.00

02:02:35.000 The way he did that...

02:02:36.000 Look at the smoothness, man.

02:02:38.000 That's legit.

02:02:39.000 That's legit.

02:02:40.000 He's a legit judo black belt.

02:02:42.000 Also, though, that guy is definitely not helping at all.

02:02:43.000 No, no, no.

02:02:44.000 No, no, no.

02:02:45.000 Jamie, this is how these things are trained.

02:02:49.000 No, I know.

02:02:49.000 I'm just saying, but also...

02:02:50.000 The guys do resist, too, but this is just an execution of technique.

02:02:53.000 Just the fact that he can do that.

02:02:56.000 That is very...

02:02:56.000 Like, if I showed you how to do that, it would take you a long time before you could do it that smoothly.

02:03:01.000 Now I'm very dumb when it comes to... 1.00

02:03:04.000 Both judo, but also, more importantly, I'm very stupid when it comes to politics. 1.00

02:03:09.000 Here's my question. 0.98

02:03:10.000 Jamie, are you questioning this?

02:03:12.000 No, I'm not questioning it.

02:03:13.000 I'm just saying, if you're the guy that's going with Putin, you're definitely going to be the best dance partner of all time.

02:03:18.000 Yes, but you're selling the moves.

02:03:22.000 I've literally had this done to me.

02:03:24.000 Sort of.

02:03:26.000 It's actually just drilling.

02:03:28.000 But I've had this done to me by people who are good at judo, and it's shocking how easy they can throw you around.

02:03:33.000 Yeah, because when he kicks his feet out.

02:03:34.000 All he's doing is, it seems a lot harder than it is.

02:03:37.000 You're just getting the guy, you're bouncing together, you're timing the bounce, and you're sweeping him and pulling at the same time, and you just go flying. 0.99

02:03:44.000 Yeah, it's like when you were little, and you'd be walking in front of one of your friends, and they'd kick your foot into the other one, and you'd go like, fuck you. 1.00

02:03:50.000 You'd go fucking flying. 1.00

02:03:51.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:03:52.000 I think wars should just be our leaders versus theirs. 1.00

02:03:56.000 Oh, he would win. 1.00

02:03:58.000 He would fuck up all of them. 1.00

02:03:59.000 He'd fuck up everyone who's ever been president. 0.99

02:04:01.000 That would change the way we elect our president. 0.98

02:04:03.000 We're like, who we got?

02:04:05.000 Who can we roll with?

02:04:06.000 Well, we would change.

02:04:07.000 It would be UFC champions.

02:04:08.000 Yeah, John Jones.

02:04:09.000 We'd be president John Jones in 2024. And we'd just be dominating the world.

02:04:14.000 Yeah, we'd make Alex Pajeda an official U.S. citizen immediately.

02:04:17.000 Dude, immigration would change so fast. 0.71

02:04:19.000 Francis Ngato, U.S. citizen.

02:04:21.000 I would love to have you, sir.

02:04:23.000 Yeah, full U.S. citizenship.

02:04:25.000 Raise your right hand. 0.99

02:04:26.000 We fucking love you, bro. 0.99

02:04:27.000 Brazilian population shot through the roof of the United States. 1.00

02:04:30.000 If there was one guy, it would either be John Jones or Francis Ngannou.

02:04:35.000 They'd be the one person.

02:04:37.000 I mean, we don't know until they do it, until they do the dance.

02:04:40.000 But you know what?

02:04:41.000 Another country would probably be smart and they'd go like, hey Francis, how about we give you everything?

02:04:46.000 You're our king, you're everything.

02:04:48.000 And then you're just, we have the best, now we have the best military in the world.

02:04:51.000 One guy military.

02:04:52.000 But we still have Bones Jones.

02:04:54.000 Yeah.

02:04:55.000 Oh, man.

02:04:55.000 Can you imagine that?

02:04:56.000 Imagine that.

02:04:57.000 And then that's...

02:04:58.000 We've got to get Jones on steroids. 1.00

02:04:59.000 We've got to drop the USADA right away.

02:05:02.000 Dude, I'm telling you right now, USADA's gone, and they put him in a Weapon X program?

02:05:07.000 Where they're like, how can we...

02:05:08.000 USADA's gone, Brock Lesnar returns.

02:05:10.000 Oh, my!

02:05:12.000 Oh my God, dude.

02:05:14.000 Brock Lesnar returns, he's 350 pounds at 49 years old.

02:05:17.000 Yeah, with 4% body fat. 1.00

02:05:19.000 Just fucking trash. 1.00

02:05:20.000 And you just hear the... 1.00

02:05:20.000 Just like a juggernaut. 1.00

02:05:22.000 And you hear that WWE music here, it's like...

02:05:24.000 And you just hear...

02:05:26.000 Oh, that was romance, but...

02:05:27.000 Everyone's getting smashed.

02:05:28.000 Yeah, dude.

02:05:28.000 You're trapped in a cage with a superhuman.

02:05:31.000 But that's what it, I mean, that was like, you know, we do that.

02:05:33.000 How many lives are you saving?

02:05:35.000 How many trillions of dollars are you saving? 1.00

02:05:37.000 We don't need missiles and fucking, you know. 1.00

02:05:39.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:05:40.000 We get away from the American military industrial complex and just have a badass president. 0.99

02:05:45.000 And then no one talks shit about the president. 0.98

02:05:48.000 You think CNN or Fox News is going to run their mouth about a guy who's like, by the way, I'm doing a press briefing. 0.99

02:05:53.000 He's just doing, he's just doing his, he's like, oh yeah, huh?

02:05:56.000 You thought about that?

02:05:57.000 They're like, what about taxes? 1.00

02:05:59.000 He goes, I think you need to shut the fuck up. 0.99

02:06:00.000 That's what I think you need to do. 0.99

02:06:02.000 Yeah, dude.

02:06:03.000 Because Putin is like...

02:06:04.000 He's the only badass... 0.99

02:06:06.000 You see that guy, you go, he's killed people. 0.97

02:06:08.000 Well, I think Netanyahu has as well.

02:06:10.000 Netanyahu was like a serious operative in the Israeli army.

02:06:14.000 What was Netanyahu's military background?

02:06:16.000 It's actually very impressive when you hear about the stuff that he's done.

02:06:19.000 I mean, yeah, in Israel, everyone serves, so it's not a question of if he did or not.

02:06:24.000 Yeah, but I think he was like a special forces guy, their version of whatever the Navy SEALs are.

02:06:29.000 Also, the idea is always funny to me of running up on someone that's like...

02:06:35.000 Trained to be a badass and you think they're an old man. 0.99

02:06:38.000 It's taken.

02:06:40.000 It's the whole idea of taken.

02:06:41.000 But I just watched...

02:06:43.000 Here it is.

02:06:43.000 After graduating from high school in 67, Netanyahu returned to Israel to enlist in the Israeli Defense Forces.

02:06:48.000 He trained as a combat soldier and served for five years in a special forces unit of the IDF. Yeah, that guy's...

02:06:55.000 Run up on him.

02:06:57.000 Run up on BB. He'll kill you with a pencil. 1.00

02:07:00.000 Yeah, he'll... 1.00

02:07:01.000 You won't even know what happened.

02:07:03.000 Your arm will be broken and you'll be like, I didn't even reach for him.

02:07:06.000 The crazy thing about this Israeli thing is before October 7th, there was thousands of people in the streets protesting against him. 0.55

02:07:15.000 Thousands for like months.

02:07:16.000 Oh, yeah.

02:07:17.000 Because he was trying to expand the powers of government.

02:07:20.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:07:20.000 Well, he's a guy where he's like, you know, you look at people that have been through war and that kind of shit, they're just like, they're calloused to it. 0.98

02:07:28.000 If I was your mother, I would have taken you in a joyous bathing light of... 1.00

02:07:33.000 I would have had you suckle on my teat until you were 12 years old. 0.96

02:07:36.000 The madre earth and spirits of the sky. 0.98

02:07:40.000 Just adding words?

02:07:42.000 I would have bathed you in crystals. 0.99

02:07:44.000 I love watching videos of guys of older guys like Don Frye was one of my favorite guys when I was young to watching like pride and shit Yeah, and then he's like just a true Arizona badass So you see him now as the old man and you're like you could still fuck shit up but Recently retired. 0.99

02:07:59.000 I was watching a interview with Donald Cerrone who I love. 0.78

02:08:02.000 It's one of my favorite fight.

02:08:03.000 I love Donald I'm from Colorado and he's just like he's a great dude, too.

02:08:06.000 He's just a fun guy He's like A badass.

02:08:10.000 The story he told on here about cave diving gave me legitimate anxiety listening to that.

02:08:16.000 I was too high, and he was talking about being lost, and I was like... 0.99

02:08:21.000 Bro, that story was fucking insane. 0.96

02:08:23.000 He was like lost and could only get back through pure darkness underwater. 0.99

02:08:26.000 He's like a true American badass. 1.00

02:08:29.000 And he was on this podcast talking about how he got like this idiot like ran up on him and he just head kicked him and he was fucking done. 0.99

02:08:36.000 And he was explaining like the situation. 1.00

02:08:38.000 He was on a dock.

02:08:39.000 Yeah, they were at a lake.

02:08:40.000 And I was watching that when I was flying to Austin.

02:08:42.000 And I was like...

02:08:44.000 Found my genre of my favorite thing which are people fucking around with older badasses and finding out this wasn't even he was older But I mean like active Cerrone is a bad like an old now Don't run up on the guy like I don't run up on him any time in his life But this was like years ago.

02:09:01.000 This is when he was active in yeah Yeah, he was active. 0.94

02:09:04.000 That's what a dumb thing these guys that think that they can you can beat a trained fighter They didn't know he's a trained fighter. 1.00

02:09:11.000 They're just douchebags. 1.00

02:09:12.000 Well guess what they got head kicked and Back to the wrong guy. 0.99

02:09:15.000 I mean, imagine that's your opening move, too.

02:09:17.000 So cool. 0.53

02:09:18.000 How much disdain do you have in this guy's ability that you're just going to head kick him?

02:09:21.000 How much athleticism?

02:09:22.000 Yeah.

02:09:22.000 I can barely clip my toenails now.

02:09:24.000 This guy's starting with a head kick. 0.97

02:09:26.000 He's like...

02:09:27.000 It's literally what he does for a living.

02:09:30.000 Yeah, dude.

02:09:30.000 He was a guy, man, like...

02:09:32.000 You grow up in Colorado and you go to the Western Stock Show or whatever, and I'm just like a pussy suburban kid. 0.92

02:09:39.000 But you see these Eastern Colorado kids, or these kids that are from the real front range, and you're like, oh, you're a badass. 0.88

02:09:47.000 This is how the land got settled.

02:09:49.000 He has this one KO in the UFC, this one combination where he lands on this dude where it's like the Matrix.

02:09:58.000 And he just touched him.

02:10:00.000 He punches him up, punches him down, face kicks him, follows up. 0.81

02:10:04.000 And the way he did it, it was...

02:10:06.000 I forget the fighter's name that he did it to.

02:10:10.000 We went to...

02:10:11.000 Rick Story?

02:10:13.000 We went to a UFC. Is that it?

02:10:16.000 Yeah.

02:10:16.000 Alright, boom.

02:10:18.000 Hold on, let me do it from the beginning.

02:10:20.000 Look at this combination.

02:10:20.000 Jab to the body, left hand, ducks down, head kick.

02:10:25.000 That's a full meal! 1.00

02:10:26.000 Are you out of your fucking mind? 1.00

02:10:27.000 That's a full meal! 1.00

02:10:28.000 Are you out of your fucking mind? 1.00

02:10:29.000 It's so cool! 1.00

02:10:30.000 It's so cool you can do that in real life.

02:10:32.000 I went to a UFC event at Barclays.

02:10:36.000 Because Stipe Miotic was on Billions, and Stipe's the man. 0.99

02:10:40.000 He's like the coolest fucking guy. 0.99

02:10:42.000 He's awesome. 0.98

02:10:43.000 And his manager was like, oh, I can get you tickets to the fight that's at Barclay.

02:10:46.000 Stipe wasn't on it, but Cerrone was, and I'm a huge Cerrone guy.

02:10:49.000 And I went with Luis J. Gomez, and we sat there, and I got so excited when Donald Cerrone knocked the dude out that Luis was like, as a friend, it bothers me how much you like this guy.

02:10:59.000 Yeah.

02:10:59.000 He's like, stop!

02:11:00.000 It's like a friend calling him out.

02:11:01.000 He's like, it's like you want him to be your dad. 1.00

02:11:04.000 And I'm like, no, fuck that. 1.00

02:11:05.000 He's just like the coolest when you're like, that guy's so fucking cool! 1.00

02:11:08.000 But Lewis can't help himself.

02:11:09.000 I love that, dude.

02:11:10.000 Lewis, the first event we ever went to, the first live UFC event I ever went to was Jones Sonnen in Jersey.

02:11:18.000 It was like...

02:11:20.000 I don't think Jones had the title yet, or maybe he did, the light heavyweight, but it was Jon Jones, Chael Sonnen, and we're in the crowd.

02:11:28.000 And I've been to boxing matches, and you feel that...

02:11:30.000 Jon had the light heavyweight title back then.

02:11:31.000 Yeah.

02:11:32.000 And he was just shooting on...

02:11:33.000 I mean... 0.98

02:11:34.000 He beat the fuck out of Chael Sonnen. 0.86

02:11:35.000 He broke his toe. 0.97

02:11:35.000 Yeah, he beat him up so bad he broke his own toe. 0.97

02:11:38.000 He was shooting on him.

02:11:38.000 He pushed off so hard off the ground while he was smashing him that you could see it in the video where it turns over.

02:11:44.000 It was like an overhead shot where they see where it turns over.

02:11:46.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:11:47.000 He just beat the fuck out of him. 0.90

02:11:48.000 And here's the thing, he didn't even know it was broken until he was talking to me. 0.95

02:11:51.000 Yeah, in the ring, you look down.

02:11:53.000 I remember that because I was in the arena.

02:11:55.000 You look down and you're like, I think your toe's broken.

02:11:57.000 And he was like, he hopped over to you. 0.99

02:11:59.000 Bro, that's how much he wanted to fuck Chael Sonnen up. 1.00

02:12:01.000 That's crazy. 1.00

02:12:02.000 He just wanted to fuck him up and teach him that you do not belong in here with me. 1.00

02:12:06.000 I mean, dude, Bones Jones is just unbelievable. 1.00

02:12:09.000 He's a monster. 0.98

02:12:10.000 And the thing is, greatest light heavyweight of all time without question.

02:12:16.000 Yeah.

02:12:16.000 There's no second place.

02:12:20.000 John Jones is number one for sure.

02:12:22.000 Those old Nike with the open slit on the side so he can knee you. 1.00

02:12:27.000 Mm-hmm.

02:12:27.000 Yeah, dude, that was wild.

02:12:29.000 So we were there.

02:12:29.000 Here's the thing, man.

02:12:30.000 If he didn't get busted all those times and all the things he did, he would have had Nike sponsorships.

02:12:36.000 He already had one.

02:12:37.000 He had one lined up.

02:12:38.000 He would be the Jordan of fighting. 0.98

02:12:40.000 Yeah.

02:12:41.000 He would just be like...

02:12:42.000 That's how talented that guy is.

02:12:43.000 Yeah, you're just like, no, it's the greatest and you can't even argue it.

02:12:45.000 You can argue who comes close to him.

02:12:47.000 Yeah.

02:12:47.000 But we were at that fight.

02:12:50.000 And we're watching these guys get chippy. 0.98

02:12:52.000 These, like, Jersey Italian guys are just fucking yelling at this guy. 0.98

02:12:56.000 And it's like a dude, you know, 8 Mile style, like a white guy being like, yo, what's up with the disrespect? 0.98

02:13:01.000 And Lewis just so casually goes...

02:13:04.000 There's going to be a fight.

02:13:05.000 You should pull your phone out.

02:13:06.000 Those guys are going to fight.

02:13:07.000 And I was like, no, they're not.

02:13:09.000 They're just John or whatever.

02:13:10.000 And then they just start fighting in the crowd. 0.98

02:13:12.000 And I was like, damn, Lewis, you really felt that. 0.97

02:13:15.000 He felt it in the senses. 0.99

02:13:16.000 He's like, it's about to go down.

02:13:18.000 Lewis has had some fights.

02:13:19.000 Yeah, dude.

02:13:19.000 Yeah.

02:13:20.000 I love it.

02:13:20.000 He's got some crazy stories.

02:13:22.000 He's told on, when I've done podcasts with him about growing up, he had a fucking tough life. 0.92

02:13:26.000 That's why I always say to people with Lewis, I go, if you had that tough of a life, there's no way you'd end up how good he's done. 0.99

02:13:32.000 All of us would have failed with all the hard shit. 0.96

02:13:35.000 Because sometimes you talk to people and you're impressed by what they've responded to in life. 0.99

02:13:40.000 Or you're like, there's no way I could have responded to that. 0.99

02:13:43.000 Like Vladimir Putin, he's an evil guy. 1.00

02:13:45.000 He's done evil shit. 1.00

02:13:46.000 But you read about his childhood. 1.00

02:13:48.000 That's why that lady's poem is so funny. 1.00

02:13:50.000 And you're like, this guy was literally thrown in a ditch, basically.

02:13:53.000 And then came up and is now the most powerful man outside of the United States. 1.00

02:13:58.000 That's a fucking drive. 1.00

02:14:00.000 That's a drive. 1.00

02:14:00.000 That's a response that I do not have. 1.00

02:14:04.000 You don't get that drive if you're the son of the king.

02:14:07.000 That's exactly it.

02:14:08.000 If you're given everything, you don't have that in you.

02:14:14.000 No.

02:14:15.000 Where you're like, everyone left me.

02:14:16.000 He was like, I changed rules.

02:14:18.000 I run it again.

02:14:19.000 That was my favorite thing is he goes, I am no longer president, prime minister.

02:14:23.000 Guess what?

02:14:24.000 Prime minister has more power than president.

02:14:26.000 And then after a while he goes, I'm just president again.

02:14:29.000 You know? 0.99

02:14:30.000 The guy is just changing shit in a way that everyone around him is going like, badasses! 0.99

02:14:35.000 Russian badasses around him are going like, hey, that's a good one! 1.00

02:14:39.000 I like that!

02:14:40.000 You just have to be agreeable.

02:14:41.000 His yes-men?

02:14:43.000 It's got to be a terrifying thing.

02:14:44.000 Well, he's got it locked in.

02:14:46.000 As long as you play by the rules, seems like he lets you live.

02:14:50.000 Who do you think...

02:14:51.000 That's exactly it.

02:14:52.000 That's how it goes.

02:14:53.000 I might live.

02:14:54.000 Who do you think... 1.00

02:14:56.000 Has the more ass kissers around them? 1.00

02:14:59.000 Putin or Kim Jong Un? 1.00

02:15:00.000 Kim Jong Un. 0.79

02:15:01.000 Yeah, that's like crazy. 0.91

02:15:03.000 I bet Putin's intelligent.

02:15:05.000 I bet Putin requires people to have differing perspectives so that he can take into consideration.

02:15:11.000 And I bet he's very strategic about what they do and why they do it.

02:15:15.000 I think Kim Jong-un, like, that's...

02:15:18.000 Well, he's a rich...

02:15:19.000 You want to talk about a king's son.

02:15:21.000 Exactly, exactly.

02:15:22.000 Like, there's the comparison.

02:15:23.000 But the difference is, like, the people of Russia are doing way better than the people of North Korea. 0.99

02:15:30.000 Well, people from North Korea, they, like, find out about stuff on the outside, like, when they get out, and they're like, what the fuck, dude? 0.94

02:15:36.000 I'd be so mad if you're North Korean and you get out and you go, like... 1.00

02:15:40.000 The fuck? 1.00

02:15:41.000 That's a whole country like an orca tank. 1.00

02:15:44.000 Yeah.

02:15:45.000 Yeah.

02:15:45.000 They're just like, nah, you don't even get info from the outside.

02:15:48.000 You get nothing, and when dear leader dies, you have to cry for like months.

02:15:53.000 Can you imagine?

02:15:54.000 They'll put people in jail that didn't cry hard enough.

02:15:58.000 If I got arrested, my grandmother passed and I loved her. 0.99

02:16:01.000 If they were doing that and I didn't get arrested, I'd be like, dude, I was dealing with shit. 0.99

02:16:05.000 I deal with it in my own way. 0.98

02:16:07.000 I go inward.

02:16:07.000 I think about it.

02:16:08.000 I cry when I'm alone. 1.00

02:16:09.000 I need to fuck alone. 1.00

02:16:10.000 I had to watch Iron Claw, that wrestling movie last night in my hotel room to jar something loose. 0.99

02:16:15.000 So look, this is people that have to publicly cry.

02:16:18.000 All right, listen. 1.00

02:16:19.000 Can we also admit, though, when Kim Jong-il died, and they did this, It is hilarious that you're that powerful, that you're like, cry harder, motherfucker. 1.00

02:16:28.000 That everybody has to cry. 0.99

02:16:30.000 This is where communism leads, kids. 1.00

02:16:32.000 All you fucking idiots out there that think no one's ever done it right, there's only one way to do it. 1.00

02:16:39.000 Someone has to enforce the rules, and that person is always the military, and they have power over everything. 1.00

02:16:44.000 Jamie's pointing this guy out.

02:16:46.000 You think he's gone? 0.99

02:16:47.000 This guy in the middle goes like, oh fuck, I didn't know what camera was there! 1.00

02:16:49.000 I didn't know what fucking camera was there! 1.00

02:16:52.000 That guy's probably tortured right now. 1.00

02:16:54.000 Yeah.

02:16:55.000 He's still being whipped.

02:16:57.000 Yeah.

02:16:57.000 And Kim Jong-un, I mean, didn't he have his uncle killed?

02:17:00.000 Yeah.

02:17:00.000 Kim Jong-un was just like, when ill died?

02:17:03.000 Yeah.

02:17:03.000 Some people are trying to move in on the territory.

02:17:05.000 It's like, uh-uh. 1.00

02:17:06.000 I'm the prince, bitch. 1.00

02:17:08.000 But also, so the difference between a self-made man and a prince is that prince has that, like, Let them die. 1.00

02:17:14.000 Like they have that energy.

02:17:16.000 My uncle has ran upon me.

02:17:18.000 Like Vladimir Putin would be like, I am very disappointed that you would not think that I would take care of you.

02:17:23.000 He'd be like, you know, he's like, you are dead. 0.97

02:17:28.000 You're dead to me.

02:17:30.000 Like that prince energy? 0.96

02:17:32.000 And now the sun and the stars have spoken and you have died. 0.97

02:17:35.000 Dennis Rodman wants you to die. 1.00

02:17:37.000 Dennis Rodman, would you like to kill my uncle? 1.00

02:17:39.000 Thumbs up or down? 0.98

02:17:41.000 Imagine you let Dennis Rodman.

02:17:43.000 Hey, what's up, man?

02:17:43.000 When he's over there and he's hammered in that documentary, he's like, oh man, you rule.

02:17:47.000 When he sings him happy birthday.

02:17:49.000 Wild.

02:17:50.000 Big J showed me that documentary.

02:17:51.000 Like rubbing his hands together.

02:17:53.000 Imagine being friends with a dictator of a country where the people are starving.

02:17:56.000 And you're getting drunk with that guy and playing basketball and just hanging out.

02:18:00.000 And then you walk outside.

02:18:03.000 Oh, there it is.

02:18:04.000 What is he saying?

02:18:08.000 They're clapping off.

02:18:14.000 Dude, the NBA players that are there for the fat check.

02:18:18.000 You know what, though?

02:18:19.000 How many times have we done gigs that have killed our soul?

02:18:22.000 But that one's gonna feel weird.

02:18:24.000 Now, do you have to lose?

02:18:25.000 Going like this?

02:18:26.000 Do you have to lose to the North Koreans? 1.00

02:18:27.000 Just going like this, Joe?

02:18:29.000 Standing there after you were a four-time All-Star in the NBA, and you're like...

02:18:33.000 Here's the question.

02:18:34.000 Do they have to lose?

02:18:35.000 I mean, are they allowed to really play?

02:18:37.000 Probably not.

02:18:39.000 It seems like there's no competition here.

02:18:41.000 This is insane to watch.

02:18:43.000 I would say they give them as much pushback as that guy in the judo class did against Putin.

02:18:48.000 That guy was good.

02:18:49.000 No, they're not playing defense.

02:18:50.000 That guy's good. 1.00

02:18:51.000 Shut up, Jamie. 0.99

02:18:52.000 That guy's good. 1.00

02:18:53.000 No, hold on.

02:18:54.000 Go back.

02:18:54.000 That is a bunch of giant dudes letting a really short guy shoot a ball from very far away.

02:19:01.000 There's no one within 15 feet of him.

02:19:03.000 It's like air butt defense. 0.61

02:19:05.000 Jamie, you're a hater.

02:19:05.000 No.

02:19:06.000 That guy's the best.

02:19:07.000 I'm a basketball player.

02:19:09.000 Jamie's like, no, I would key up on that guy and make his life a living up.

02:19:13.000 I would look like an all-star in this game.

02:19:14.000 So they let the Koreans get close? 0.98

02:19:18.000 Is that what happened? 0.98

02:19:18.000 I would guess they would want this to be like a Harlem Globetrotters game, where they want these players that they know to just beat the shit out of their... 0.98

02:19:25.000 Yo, they let Robin play with lip rings. 1.00

02:19:27.000 This can't be real.

02:19:29.000 Dude, that story when he left in the last dance, when they're talking about that Bulls team...

02:19:34.000 That's a movie they're making, I think.

02:19:35.000 Are they?

02:19:36.000 I don't know who's in charge of it, but I think they're making a movie about this whole day or two.

02:19:39.000 Oh, in Poin Yang?

02:19:42.000 No, Rodman going to Vegas.

02:19:44.000 Oh, dude.

02:19:45.000 I think Billy Corgan talked about it on this podcast.

02:19:48.000 Oh, that's nuts.

02:19:49.000 Yeah, I think he did too, now that you brought that up.

02:19:52.000 He just asked Phil Jackson.

02:19:55.000 He's like, I'm going to go to Vegas.

02:19:56.000 Phil Jackson's like, please let it be two days.

02:19:59.000 And it was like four.

02:20:00.000 Yeah.

02:20:00.000 They're just on a run in the season.

02:20:02.000 He's like, I'll go to Vegas and get fucked up. 0.99

02:20:04.000 I'm hanging out with Carmen Electra. 1.00

02:20:06.000 And so Saxon's like, God damn it, you're so good. 1.00

02:20:08.000 Being that good at something where they bend the rules for you, and they go like, ah, fuck, dude. 1.00

02:20:13.000 All right, just go ahead. 0.99

02:20:15.000 Just come back, please.

02:20:17.000 And he's like, I might not.

02:20:18.000 Did he miss any games?

02:20:19.000 I think he did, right?

02:20:21.000 Did he miss games, Jamie?

02:20:24.000 I'm trying to remember.

02:20:25.000 The movie right now is in production.

02:20:26.000 It's called 48 Hours in Vegas, but it's been in production for three years.

02:20:30.000 But that's not what I think he took.

02:20:32.000 I think he took like four days.

02:20:33.000 It was during the finals.

02:20:35.000 The finals?

02:20:36.000 During the finals. 0.98

02:20:37.000 Oh my god, what an insane person.

02:20:38.000 They usually maybe have three days off, but I think he took for two days. 0.61

02:20:41.000 What?

02:20:42.000 They had to go get him, as I remember.

02:20:43.000 Michael Jordan, Phil Jackson, Sky Pippen all got on a plane, and were like, you gotta come back.

02:20:48.000 We have a game tomorrow.

02:20:49.000 You're our leading rebounder.

02:20:50.000 Oh my god, that is so insane.

02:20:52.000 And he's just been partying for days.

02:20:54.000 Dude, it's like The Hangover meets Space Jam.

02:20:58.000 We're showing up and you're like, hey, we've got the biggest game of our life and you're here in Vegas?

02:21:03.000 Vegas.

02:21:04.000 Vegas.

02:21:04.000 Did you ever see where...

02:21:06.000 God, what was it?

02:21:07.000 What?

02:21:08.000 Production's off a little bit, I guess.

02:21:10.000 Jonathan Majors, who's had some problems this year.

02:21:12.000 Oh, he was playing Rodman?

02:21:14.000 Oh.

02:21:16.000 Did you ever see when he was on Celebrity Rehab?

02:21:19.000 Yeah, it was horrible.

02:21:20.000 It was hilarious.

02:21:21.000 Celebrity Rehab was like...

02:21:22.000 He got in shape.

02:21:23.000 All he did was run on the treadmill, drinking water.

02:21:26.000 He just partied a little too much. 0.99

02:21:28.000 I think Celebrity Rehab, the one I'm thinking of, is the first season where you saw people melting down in ways that you're like, what the fuck? 0.98

02:21:35.000 First of all, it's the worst thing you could ever do to someone who's in the middle of a recovery. 0.98

02:21:40.000 It's to broadcast them and all their insecurities to the world and have people shit on each other and insult each other.

02:21:47.000 Dr. Drew hosted that show and it led to one of my favorite Stanhope bits where he said, uh, Dr. Drew is to science. 0.99

02:21:56.000 I forget what it was, but he was like talking about, he's like, that'd be like being an OBGYN that only specializes in hairless, stinkless Norwegian pussy. 0.99

02:22:05.000 Like the way that Stanhope described it, I was like, it's so funny. 1.00

02:22:08.000 I fucking love that. 0.88

02:22:09.000 Yeah, but Celebrity Rehab, you just saw people be like, oh, here's your favorite guy and he's super broken. 0.99

02:22:16.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:22:17.000 He's fucking crazy broken. 1.00

02:22:18.000 And it gives you a window into the dark side of Hollywood. 1.00

02:22:23.000 You see them be like, I don't keep that money.

02:22:25.000 That money doesn't keep coming in.

02:22:27.000 That's like the Jussie Smollett thing where you're like, you wonder how many of those people that are on drugs hit that moment.

02:22:32.000 They're like, I have to do something crazy to get back up there.

02:22:35.000 I'll do Celebrity Rehab.

02:22:37.000 I'll be the victim.

02:22:38.000 What do you do if you're that guy?

02:22:40.000 That guy can't work.

02:22:42.000 He's got to save three babies.

02:22:46.000 He's got a music career, apparently.

02:22:47.000 No, he doesn't.

02:22:48.000 No, he doesn't.

02:22:49.000 Does he, though? 0.99

02:22:50.000 What if it fucking rules? 0.99

02:22:52.000 What if it's like... 0.99

02:22:53.000 Good.

02:22:54.000 Wow, that'd be a problem. 0.99

02:22:55.000 What if we heard music and it was like, damn. 0.97

02:22:57.000 All he's releasing last year is a single, but... 0.99

02:23:00.000 Let's hear it.

02:23:00.000 I mean, before he got in trouble, he had a record career.

02:23:05.000 But did he, though?

02:23:06.000 Can we hear it and edit this out of the show?

02:23:08.000 Can we just play it for us?

02:23:11.000 Just play in-house.

02:23:12.000 And what will the audience hear?

02:23:13.000 Nothing?

02:23:14.000 I'll cut it out.

02:23:15.000 Or you can overlap elevator music.

02:23:18.000 We'll be right back with our commentary, ladies and gentlemen.

02:23:21.000 I let...

02:23:21.000 He produced this movie about something.

02:23:25.000 B-Boy Blues.

02:23:26.000 It was a gay novel in 1994. Oh, I was going for that gay market. 1.00

02:23:30.000 Yeah, he's got it.

02:23:30.000 This was also a year ago, and I was like, this is the best second film.

02:23:34.000 I would describe...

02:23:35.000 He had a bunch of charting songs in 2014, and then...

02:23:37.000 Oh, really?

02:23:38.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:23:39.000 So he actually is a legitimate...

02:23:40.000 He had songs on Empire that were making it big, and then that's where I was looking to around 2018, and they started not charting anymore, and then 2019 is when...

02:23:47.000 Is when the thing happened.

02:23:49.000 The hoax problem.

02:23:49.000 Is that crazy?

02:23:50.000 You can follow it like that?

02:23:51.000 You can go like, oh, here he is, and then now you're like, it's dipping.

02:23:56.000 Are we about to see something? 0.99

02:23:57.000 Are we about to see a little fucking... 0.99

02:24:00.000 I will say my review of the song is it sounds like AI R&B. It sounds like... 0.99

02:24:07.000 Yeah.

02:24:07.000 There's not one specific thing that I was like, oh, that was really cool.

02:24:10.000 He could sing.

02:24:11.000 For sure he could sing.

02:24:13.000 But it just feels like AI. A lot of shit feels like AI. You know what flavor my coffee is? 0.99

02:24:18.000 Thanks.

02:24:19.000 What?

02:24:20.000 That's it?

02:24:21.000 Huh?

02:24:22.000 What?

02:24:23.000 Okay, cool.

02:24:23.000 I know what you want to drink in the morning.

02:24:25.000 Thanks.

02:24:25.000 I don't know what's worse, that or the open letter to Vladimir Putin.

02:24:29.000 That's the worst thing ever.

02:24:29.000 That's one of the worst things.

02:24:31.000 You're dealing with a man that's a murderer, and you're writing him a poem about it.

02:24:35.000 If I was your mom, I'd fix it.

02:24:37.000 First of all, how outrageous. 1.00

02:24:39.000 Great shit talking. 1.00

02:24:40.000 And is she even a mom? 1.00

02:24:41.000 No.

02:24:41.000 We looked it up.

02:24:42.000 I think we looked it up on the bonfire.

02:24:44.000 Even funnier.

02:24:45.000 Makes it funnier. 1.00

02:24:46.000 It is probably the best piece of shit talking we have against Vladimir Putin. 1.00

02:24:51.000 Because Biden or Trump, either one of them talking shit to Putin. 1.00

02:24:55.000 They won't say nothing. 0.99

02:24:55.000 But this woman being like, just a self-important actress, being like, I'm going to tell you what I would have done. 0.99

02:25:01.000 Nothing can stop hot actress energy. 1.00

02:25:04.000 It was just like...

02:25:06.000 Yeah, it's an immovable object versus a same. 0.98

02:25:09.000 Some mentally ill people are also hot. 0.97

02:25:11.000 This was the Harvard Crimson. 0.98

02:25:12.000 This was satire about it.

02:25:14.000 Oh, okay.

02:25:14.000 Oh, if I was your...

02:25:15.000 A white woman single-handedly stops war in Ukraine if I was your mother? 1.00

02:25:21.000 Imagine!

02:25:22.000 Imagine!

02:25:23.000 I mean, like, best case scenario when you put that on TikTok is this really does go viral.

02:25:27.000 It gets to Vladimir.

02:25:28.000 It gets to Vladimir.

02:25:29.000 And you see him crying in the Kremlin.

02:25:31.000 Someone slides it across his oversized desk.

02:25:34.000 And then she gets a phone call.

02:25:35.000 From Russia?

02:25:36.000 What's going on?

02:25:36.000 What is this?

02:25:37.000 I wish you were my mother.

02:25:39.000 Could you still be my mommy?

02:25:41.000 She goes, who is this?

02:25:43.000 And that's how he tricks her into moving to Russia.

02:25:46.000 And then he's got a new bride.

02:25:47.000 Yeah.

02:25:48.000 She's married to me now.

02:25:49.000 And that's their meet cute.

02:25:52.000 That does sound like a rom-com from the 90s where it's like, she's an actress.

02:25:56.000 He's a bloodthirsty dictator.

02:25:59.000 What happens when a poem goes viral?

02:26:03.000 It's their Sleepless in Seattle.

02:26:06.000 I didn't watch the...

02:26:07.000 I watched small clips of the Tucker interview with Putin.

02:26:11.000 What did you think?

02:26:13.000 It looked...

02:26:13.000 I mean, did you see what Putin said about it?

02:26:16.000 What did he say?

02:26:16.000 He made fun of how softball of an interview it was.

02:26:19.000 Oh, did he really?

02:26:20.000 He made fun of Tucker to the Russian press.

02:26:22.000 He went, I prepared...

02:26:25.000 I think the quote was something like, I prepared to be challenged.

02:26:28.000 Oh, interesting.

02:26:29.000 I was prepared for them to come at me.

02:26:31.000 Yeah.

02:26:32.000 Because I guess, you're right, someone in his inner circle is smart. 0.99

02:26:35.000 Because he clearly got his balls busted for all the ranting he did. 0.97

02:26:40.000 Putin says he prefers Biden to Trump and mocks Tucker Carlson questions. 0.99

02:26:44.000 Wow. 1.00

02:26:44.000 Which, again, this could all be a psyop because he's a, you know, how he moves and shit. 1.00

02:26:48.000 He said Biden is more predictable. 0.99

02:26:50.000 The lack of sharp questions. 1.00

02:26:51.000 Yeah, it said it threw him off because you could tell someone busted his balls for how long he ranted on shit. 0.99

02:26:56.000 When they were like, what are you talking about? 1.00

02:26:59.000 Interesting.

02:26:59.000 And it said, yeah, he was expecting them to...

02:27:04.000 But here's the other part of the quote that people aren't using.

02:27:07.000 Scroll back up again.

02:27:08.000 He said, he goes, I think that, he said, between Biden and Putin, Putin said, without hesitation, the current U.S. president was more experienced, predictable, an old-school politician, but added, we will work with any U.S. president who the American people have confidence in.

02:27:25.000 Mm-hmm.

02:27:29.000 Besides preferring Trump, he says he'll work with anybody.

02:27:31.000 Yeah, but that's what I mean.

02:27:32.000 He says this guy...

02:27:33.000 He doesn't say unreasonable things when it comes to that.

02:27:35.000 Well, he just says stuff that you go like...

02:27:37.000 He says stuff that's smart enough that you go like, oh.

02:27:40.000 Yeah.

02:27:40.000 Okay.

02:27:41.000 Well, that's not a real...

02:27:43.000 Like, Kim Jong-un is like, the stars have told me that I'm the leader. 1.00

02:27:47.000 And you're like, you're a fucking moron. 1.00

02:27:48.000 And Putin says stuff and you go, fuck. 1.00

02:27:50.000 I mean, it's not completely incorrect. 1.00

02:27:52.000 Well, he's very intelligent.

02:27:53.000 Yeah, the guy worked for the KGB. It's like a CIA operative being our leader.

02:27:58.000 And they're like, hey, I know how these fucking things go. 0.98

02:28:01.000 Have you ever seen when he talks about how many US presidents he's been through? 0.99

02:28:04.000 No.

02:28:05.000 And about how they all have these promises?

02:28:07.000 And then once they get into office, he goes, men with coats like mine, sit down with them, not with this colored tie, you know?

02:28:15.000 And they tell them exactly what you're going to do.

02:28:18.000 Like, it's cool to see, because he's telling the truth.

02:28:23.000 He knows what he says.

02:28:25.000 He's on the other side of it.

02:28:25.000 He's on the other side of it, but it's not a lie.

02:28:28.000 No.

02:28:29.000 And we all know that.

02:28:31.000 Yeah.

02:28:33.000 Obama, one of his things was to help whistleblowers.

02:28:36.000 It was like a part of the website to get him elected.

02:28:41.000 It's like protection for whistleblowers.

02:28:42.000 They were like the worst for whistleblowers.

02:28:44.000 Dude, I'm telling you.

02:28:45.000 He knows that all presidents Left or right are just the same arms. 0.88

02:28:52.000 They have the arms of the same monster.

02:28:54.000 He knows how they work.

02:28:55.000 That's what he means by Biden's a predictable one. 1.00

02:28:57.000 He goes, I can fucking... 0.99

02:28:58.000 It's like knowing how to drive an old car. 0.99

02:29:01.000 You're like, I can fucking have one of these. 0.95

02:29:03.000 They were saying that those Chinese weather balloons, those flying over things, those big balloons, that they were doing that when Trump was around, but they didn't tell Trump. 0.98

02:29:10.000 That's hilarious.

02:29:11.000 Trump would shoot him down.

02:29:13.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

02:29:18.000 But if Trump shot him down, he's fucking launching missiles into the sky! 0.99

02:29:23.000 Well, they threatened World War. 0.99

02:29:25.000 That's always the threat either side pushes on the other, where they go like, World War III is coming.

02:29:29.000 Did you ever see the dude who tells the story to the news about the missile or the jet that crash-landed?

02:29:37.000 Have you seen this?

02:29:38.000 No.

02:29:38.000 There was a jet or a pilot ejected from the jet.

02:29:41.000 Like some fucking super expensive fighter jet. 0.98

02:29:44.000 And it flew into the ground. 0.99

02:29:47.000 And this one dude was there when it happened.

02:29:50.000 This dude's like super country.

02:29:52.000 I love it. 1.00

02:29:53.000 Damn, dude. 1.00

02:29:54.000 That is possibly... 0.99

02:29:55.000 I love the beginning of the interview where he goes, I've been out on this earth about 72 years.

02:30:00.000 I just love that guy that states how old he is at the beginning.

02:30:03.000 With a straw hat on. 0.99

02:30:04.000 Yeah, he goes, no, I ain't seen no shit. 0.99

02:30:06.000 In the country. 1.00

02:30:07.000 But I'm having a shave, which is definitely code for a shit. 1.00

02:30:10.000 He was taking a dump in that plane crash. 1.00

02:30:11.000 Oh, I'm taking a shave.

02:30:14.000 I said, what in the world is this?

02:30:16.000 I love it.

02:30:17.000 Wow! 0.99

02:30:19.000 Yeah, dude, that fucking rules. 1.00

02:30:21.000 What if it was a cover story for a crashed UFO? That's what I mean. 0.99

02:30:25.000 I mean, I want his explanation on UFO. He goes, tiny little gray men. 1.00

02:30:28.000 They seem mean.

02:30:30.000 I think they lost the jet, though.

02:30:32.000 They knew the guy ejected from the jet, and they lost the jet.

02:30:34.000 It was reported that the jet was lost before this guy reported, and they found out where it slammed.

02:30:39.000 It was lost for like two or three days, though. 0.93

02:30:41.000 Yeah, because I remember reading that news story about a lost jet, and you're like, how the fuck do you lose a jet? 0.98

02:30:45.000 Ugh. 0.97

02:30:45.000 Also wearing a weighted vest. 0.97

02:30:47.000 Yeah, that guy's probably got low body fat under there. 0.99

02:30:50.000 Is that what that is?

02:30:50.000 That guy's probably shredded.

02:30:52.000 SPRI. He's working out.

02:30:54.000 Yeah.

02:30:55.000 Maybe he's like a dude who's just out there and works out all the time.

02:30:57.000 Yeah.

02:30:58.000 He's taking off.

02:30:59.000 He's just shredded.

02:31:00.000 Yeah, just old man ripped.

02:31:02.000 He's like an old Rambo. 0.98

02:31:03.000 Have you ever seen those old dudes that work out in the park on those monkey bars and- Yeah, dude up in Harlem?

02:31:10.000 Yeah, and the gymnast bars, the various different height parallel bars.

02:31:15.000 I did this.

02:31:16.000 These guys are insanely fit, dude.

02:31:19.000 There's this one old dude that does it on Instagram that I follow.

02:31:23.000 Well, I've met back when I was getting out of the waiting tables days.

02:31:26.000 It was about 12, 13 years ago.

02:31:28.000 I did a series for Yahoo called Mansom, which sounds so good. 0.80

02:31:33.000 But they would have me do different weird shit or whatever.

02:31:37.000 And I went up to Harlem and did an episode with these guys. 0.99

02:31:40.000 And they were showing me the shit they could do. 1.00

02:31:43.000 And it was unbelievable. 1.00

02:31:45.000 Like, oh, there it is.

02:31:46.000 Yeah, the bartenders.

02:31:48.000 Look at you, bro.

02:31:49.000 Dude, I am full alcoholic at this point.

02:31:53.000 Very hungover.

02:31:54.000 Dude, this guy would do stuff, and then I would try to do stuff, and I'm out of shape, so my arms are doing, like, stabilizing. 0.99

02:32:01.000 They can do insane shit. 0.99

02:32:02.000 Flagpoles. 1.00

02:32:03.000 Yeah, he would, like, lift himself all the way up, and then all the way back down with, like, not even breathing anything.

02:32:09.000 Just try doing the monkey bars back and forth a couple of times and see how hard it is on your forearms and your grip strength.

02:32:18.000 Especially at 40?

02:32:19.000 Yeah.

02:32:19.000 Like look at this, they can just do stuff.

02:32:21.000 But that is, it just shows you also, like, their physiques come entirely from body weight.

02:32:27.000 Yeah.

02:32:27.000 And you, like, look at gymnasts.

02:32:29.000 They're some of the most fucking ripped people alive, and it's just all body weight. 0.96

02:32:33.000 Yeah, it's no weight lifting. 0.99

02:32:35.000 It's just that.

02:32:35.000 Pull-ups.

02:32:36.000 How hard up, look at that.

02:32:37.000 Yeah.

02:32:38.000 That's crazy.

02:32:39.000 Crazy muscle-ups, flips.

02:32:41.000 That's why parkour guys are crazy strong.

02:32:43.000 Yeah.

02:32:43.000 To have that kind of control.

02:32:45.000 Oh, for sure.

02:32:45.000 For sure.

02:32:46.000 Now I could do that if I got up there.

02:32:48.000 I wouldn't do that.

02:32:49.000 I could flip around. 1.00

02:32:51.000 If you fall, you're fucked. 1.00

02:32:52.000 Yeah, especially at 40, I'd fucking take a fall and be like, ooh! 1.00

02:32:55.000 I think they have a rubber floor there, it looks like, which is nice. 0.98

02:32:57.000 It'll help you a little bit, but it's still not good.

02:33:00.000 Being out of shape and trying to do that in front of them, Those are just like little liability places.

02:33:06.000 There's so much liability in there.

02:33:07.000 I would like to know the insurance on city playgrounds, like the legalities of what they have to be like, you're not suing us.

02:33:15.000 And is there some stuff that's grandfathered in, like those domes?

02:33:18.000 Those iron domes?

02:33:20.000 Those thunder domes?

02:33:20.000 They're like monkey bar domes.

02:33:21.000 Those are the shit. 1.00

02:33:22.000 Like there's drips all around, you'd be inside of them and shit. 1.00

02:33:25.000 And fall? 0.99

02:33:25.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:33:26.000 Dude, I used to go to this place in Denver when I was a kid called Big Fun, and it was like a Discovery Zone kind of thing, but they had these rubber straps.

02:33:34.000 It was called the spider web, and it was these tight, thick, like that wide, that thick, across, but like dozens of them all the way up, and you would climb through...

02:33:47.000 Disaster.

02:33:48.000 When you fall, you go through these straps slapping you in the back of the neck. 1.00

02:33:53.000 You would come back with lacerations on your arms and shit. 0.99

02:33:56.000 It was the most fun I've ever had. 0.99

02:33:58.000 And there's zero chance they would do that now.

02:34:00.000 Just rubber straps and be like, climb to the top.

02:34:03.000 It was like a good 20 feet tall.

02:34:04.000 You know what they do have still, too, that I'm kind of shocked they still have?

02:34:08.000 Is those trampoline buildings.

02:34:10.000 Those are awesome.

02:34:11.000 Where you go in them and it's just trampolines everywhere and everyone's just bouncing from one trampoline to the next one.

02:34:16.000 Yeah.

02:34:17.000 Dude, this guy, very funny comic Damien that opens, he's open for me.

02:34:21.000 He used to do slam ball back in the day.

02:34:23.000 I remember slam ball.

02:34:25.000 They just brought it back this summer.

02:34:26.000 Yeah, they brought it back, but now they do it with contact.

02:34:28.000 Or I think you used to be able to do it with contact.

02:34:31.000 What a wild idea to have basketball with trampolines.

02:34:34.000 It sounds good on paper, but your knees are like, dude, I can't do this.

02:34:38.000 Oh yeah, it's gotta be terrible.

02:34:39.000 Like you land wrong?

02:34:41.000 Oh yeah.

02:34:42.000 I wonder if it's almost easier to land on a hard floor.

02:34:45.000 I bet you have to do everything totally different, because you have two different things going on.

02:34:49.000 You have trampoline jumping, and then you have running on a court.

02:34:51.000 Yeah.

02:34:52.000 You're going back and forth to both of these things.

02:34:54.000 That's probably really hard to do.

02:34:56.000 Yeah, go from...

02:34:57.000 But is it actually better to see people fly through the air like that and dunk?

02:35:01.000 They can do crazy, I mean...

02:35:03.000 Is it better?

02:35:03.000 What do you mean?

02:35:04.000 Like baseball for home runs, of course, this is what everybody wants to see. 0.83

02:35:07.000 They get to do crazy, crazy dunks.

02:35:09.000 Yeah, but you can't even dribble in the center.

02:35:11.000 Yeah, who cares?

02:35:12.000 You kind of have to though, right?

02:35:14.000 Like how much traveling happens?

02:35:15.000 Well, they take as many steps as NBA players do now, that Euro three-step.

02:35:19.000 Sure.

02:35:19.000 What are you allowed?

02:35:20.000 There's a lot of...

02:35:21.000 They call it a Euro step.

02:35:23.000 You're basically allowed, what, three steps, I think?

02:35:25.000 The NBA, apparently, there's like a two and a half step rule.

02:35:28.000 There's a gather step dribble that people can take.

02:35:30.000 Like you can pick up and go like, one, two, and then run.

02:35:32.000 There's a few guys on Instagram that break down these crazy plays and be like, this is not a travel and here's why.

02:35:37.000 And they take five minutes in slow motion to show you why it wasn't a travel.

02:35:40.000 I got here crazy early and I was on my phone in my car watching highlights of this dude on Twitter.

02:35:45.000 They're starting to call him Cream Abdul-Jabbar.

02:35:50.000 He's a white guy from Indiana State.

02:35:54.000 This reporter, Matt Ross, called him Cream Abdul-Jabbar.

02:35:58.000 And he's a white guy from Indiana State.

02:36:00.000 Let me see what his name is.

02:36:02.000 I think I have it still up on my phone.

02:36:04.000 Oh, yeah, dude.

02:36:04.000 He rules.

02:36:05.000 His name's Robbie Avila.

02:36:06.000 And he's like...

02:36:08.000 When you see this guy, you're like, oh, he's just a big fat white guy with glasses. 0.99

02:36:12.000 And then he just balls. 0.99

02:36:14.000 Really? 0.99

02:36:15.000 He just balls out.

02:36:16.000 And he's at Indiana State.

02:36:17.000 Yeah, I love it. 0.98

02:36:18.000 I love a goofy white guy. 0.98

02:36:20.000 There he is. 0.94

02:36:21.000 That's him?

02:36:21.000 Yeah.

02:36:22.000 This guy had 35 points last night.

02:36:24.000 What?

02:36:24.000 He's just putting it up.

02:36:25.000 Really?

02:36:26.000 Let me see some highlights. 0.99

02:36:27.000 This guy can fucking go. 0.99

02:36:28.000 He plays like he's playing with kids. 1.00

02:36:30.000 Like, that's how he kind of looks sometimes.

02:36:33.000 He's right there down in the key.

02:36:34.000 Right there, yeah.

02:36:36.000 Up and in.

02:36:37.000 And he just looks like...

02:36:38.000 If he showed up at the playground, you'd be like, ah, he's probably not that good. 1.00

02:36:42.000 And then he just fucks shit up. 1.00

02:36:44.000 Those goggles are fresh, too. 1.00

02:36:46.000 Yeah, dude.

02:36:47.000 I love it.

02:36:47.000 He's got those old-school Kurt Rambis glasses on.

02:36:50.000 I love a guy that has Horace Grant up top.

02:36:54.000 Those glasses probably help. 0.83

02:36:56.000 Oh yeah, it's like Ricky Vaughn in Major League.

02:36:59.000 You can finally see the strike zone.

02:37:01.000 You can really see everything.

02:37:03.000 Yeah, but look, you can dish.

02:37:05.000 Wow. 0.95

02:37:06.000 I love a goofy, big, white guy that's great at basketball. 0.79

02:37:09.000 That's why I love Jokic on the Nuggets so much.

02:37:12.000 He just looks like he should not be good, and he's awesome.

02:37:16.000 Wow.

02:37:16.000 I think he's not trying.

02:37:17.000 Yeah, he moves slow in that way where you're like...

02:37:20.000 But he's precise.

02:37:21.000 But he's just like...

02:37:22.000 Larry Bird.

02:37:24.000 Yeah, Larry Bird. 0.99

02:37:25.000 And also, Larry Bird is, they say arguably, the greatest shit-talker of all time. 0.99

02:37:30.000 That he was like, other tier level of shit-talking. 0.99

02:37:35.000 He would apparently show up to like, remember when they had those free throw competitions? 0.99

02:37:39.000 And he said, who's coming in second?

02:37:41.000 Oh yeah, he said that at the All-Star game for the three-point competition.

02:37:43.000 He goes, who's going to be in second place?

02:37:45.000 There was one...

02:37:47.000 And I don't really know how true this story is, but List, you know, Joe List is a huge Celtics fan, huge Boston sports guy.

02:37:53.000 He told me a story that Larry Bird, it was like the 86 season, and he was lined up on a guy.

02:37:59.000 And Larry Bird hit three shots in a row.

02:38:01.000 They call a timeout.

02:38:03.000 And he comes back on the court and he tells the guy, he goes, can you believe they're going to give the ball to McHale?

02:38:07.000 I just scored six straight points on you and they're giving the ball to McHale.

02:38:10.000 And the guy went, what?

02:38:11.000 And then the play happens and McHale scored and Bird looked at him and was like, I told you.

02:38:15.000 Like, he's just so good.

02:38:17.000 He's like, yeah, I'm not getting the ball and I'm mad about it.

02:38:19.000 This guy is.

02:38:20.000 That's hilarious.

02:38:21.000 He's like, you gotta be so good to be able to talk to it.

02:38:24.000 LeBron tells the players on the other team what they're doing wrong sometimes.

02:38:27.000 Really?

02:38:27.000 He's like, you're supposed to be over here.

02:38:29.000 That's wild.

02:38:31.000 Hey, move. 0.99

02:38:32.000 He knows what everybody's doing.

02:38:34.000 His basketball knowledge is at the level so far above everybody else on the floor.

02:38:39.000 Most coaches also.

02:38:41.000 What I love is in sports where someone calls something out in the middle of a play. 0.99

02:38:47.000 There's two examples in the NFL that I know where Peyton Manning gets mad at his tackle for missing a block and he's running when he's on the Colts and you can hear him go, God damn it! 0.99

02:38:58.000 He yells the guy's name in the middle of the play, and still has the play done, but he in the middle of the play goes, like, you fucked up, and screams it out. 0.99

02:39:05.000 It's fucking hilarious. 0.98

02:39:06.000 One of the best versions of that, Max Holloway was fighting Brian Ortega, and he told Brian Ortega, you gotta block like this, and he puts his hand up to help him block. 0.99

02:39:17.000 In the middle of beating his ass, he takes his hand, he goes, put your hand right here. 0.60

02:39:20.000 I mean, dude, that moment... 0.99

02:39:22.000 You don't need to see this.

02:39:23.000 Watch.

02:39:24.000 Look, watch this.

02:39:26.000 Look, he puts his hand...

02:39:27.000 See?

02:39:27.000 He's teaching him how to do it.

02:39:28.000 That's so funny.

02:39:29.000 He says, look, look, look.

02:39:29.000 Protect me.

02:39:31.000 Look, see?

02:39:32.000 Watch this.

02:39:33.000 Look at this, man.

02:39:34.000 Bro, put your hand there.

02:39:35.000 And he did, like, the demonstration.

02:39:36.000 Like, I won't even do it to you. 1.00

02:39:38.000 And then he beats his ass more. 1.00

02:39:40.000 He's just such a nice guy. 1.00

02:39:41.000 Wild.

02:39:43.000 That was like when Khabib got Connor in the corner and was talking to him.

02:39:46.000 Yeah.

02:39:47.000 Let's talk now.

02:39:48.000 Let's talk now.

02:39:50.000 You're like just getting elbows hammered on you and you're like... 0.99

02:39:55.000 Fucking wild. 0.99

02:39:56.000 Wild. 1.00

02:39:56.000 It's a wild sport, man. 1.00

02:39:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:39:58.000 Those guys are bad asses. 1.00

02:40:00.000 That's for real. 1.00

02:40:01.000 Yeah, that's a different kind of human being.

02:40:03.000 Yeah.

02:40:04.000 Kind of human being that can do that successfully for a living.

02:40:07.000 Yeah.

02:40:08.000 It's a big one coming soon.

02:40:10.000 In Miami. 1.00

02:40:11.000 Big fucking card. 1.00

02:40:13.000 You excited? 1.00

02:40:14.000 Oh yeah, it's a big one.

02:40:15.000 There's one fight I'm really excited about.

02:40:16.000 Dustin Poirier versus Benoit Saint Denis.

02:40:20.000 Benoit Saint Denis was a French Special Forces guy who now fights in MMA and is murking people. 0.94

02:40:28.000 Like, he's a straight-up killer. 0.98

02:40:31.000 I mean, that chest tattoo is fucking tough. 0.99

02:40:36.000 There was one of the fights that I called, and I'm interviewing him afterwards, and he starts talking about, I like America. 0.97

02:40:42.000 You helped us out during World War II. Thank you very much for bringing us back.

02:40:46.000 He's talking about America in terms of, like, military, like, that we've always been kind of aligned.

02:40:51.000 Yeah.

02:40:52.000 And I'm like, that's how he's thinking.

02:40:53.000 Yeah.

02:40:54.000 That's a problem. 1.00

02:40:55.000 He's a killer. 0.99

02:40:56.000 He got into MMA to be better as a soldier. 0.98

02:40:59.000 I think he already had a judo background, but the MMA thing is fairly recent.

02:41:04.000 It's only been like six years, I believe, or so.

02:41:06.000 I saw his record.

02:41:07.000 He's 13-1.

02:41:08.000 He's called the God of War?

02:41:09.000 Yeah.

02:41:10.000 That's badass.

02:41:11.000 As a fan of God of War, that's badass.

02:41:13.000 I think the fight he lost was at a different weight class, too.

02:41:16.000 I think he fights at 155, and I'm pretty sure...

02:41:18.000 You should check on that.

02:41:19.000 I'm pretty sure his fight that he lost was at 170. But he's very good, man.

02:41:24.000 He's very good.

02:41:25.000 And he's calculated, and he doesn't have any weaknesses.

02:41:28.000 He's very good on the ground.

02:41:29.000 He's very good standing up.

02:41:31.000 He's just good everywhere.

02:41:32.000 If he wins that fight, does that elevate him to a shot at the title?

02:41:36.000 Boy, it's a big jump.

02:41:37.000 He's a big jump in competition.

02:41:39.000 This guy goes from beating guys who are pretty good, good fighters, solid fighters, to the top of the heap, Dustin Poirier.

02:41:49.000 A guy who's been interim champion.

02:41:51.000 It's a different level.

02:41:53.000 And for Dustin to accept that fight, it's a big risk.

02:41:57.000 And Dustin must have got paid a lot of money to do that because that's crazy.

02:42:04.000 St. Denis favored over Dustin Poirier. 0.96

02:42:06.000 Dustin Poirier who has fought fucking everybody. 0.97

02:42:09.000 Everybody. 0.95

02:42:10.000 The guy beats Conor twice and he's still the underdog against St. Denis.

02:42:14.000 That's insane.

02:42:15.000 That's how scary that dude is.

02:42:17.000 I like that Michael Page is fighting in the UFC. Kevin Holland and Michael Page is fun.

02:42:21.000 I know Michael Page from the...

02:42:23.000 He's fun, dude.

02:42:24.000 That's a real fight.

02:42:26.000 That's a real fight. 0.99

02:42:27.000 Because Kevin Holland is fucking dangerous. 0.99

02:42:30.000 He's fucking dangerous and he's got a lot of MMA experience. 1.00

02:42:33.000 A lot. 1.00

02:42:34.000 And he's very good on the ground and he's got ridiculous one-punch power.

02:42:39.000 And that's also a welterweight fight where Kevin, I think, is at his most dangerous. 0.98

02:42:43.000 At 170, Kevin is so fucking dangerous. 0.99

02:42:45.000 Do you do like spinning back elbows and shit? 0.99

02:42:49.000 Like I know Michael Page from watching like his highlights. 0.99

02:42:51.000 If you go to Michael Page, Michael Venom Page before he was ever an MMA fighter was a high-level karate point fighter.

02:42:58.000 And I was always wondering like when are those guys going to make their way into MMA? Because we had this one guy Raymond Daniels who was also an opponent of Michael Venom Page in a karate thing.

02:43:13.000 But there's a video you can watch of that of them competing in a karate tournament.

02:43:16.000 But those guys, those high-level karate guys, can move in and out very fast.

02:43:23.000 Is that what their superpower, you would say, is?

02:43:26.000 It's a blitz. 1.00

02:43:27.000 They're just crazy in and out and can nail you with shit. 1.00

02:43:30.000 They can cover distance much faster than everybody else because their game is all about touching you once. 1.00

02:43:34.000 So it's like you're playing a game of karate tag.

02:43:39.000 Karate tag is the funniest name to call it though.

02:43:41.000 It kind of is like that.

02:43:42.000 To make it sound safer, you go, you want to play karate tag? 1.00

02:43:45.000 You just get kicked in the fucking head. 1.00

02:43:47.000 But most of the times guys don't even get knocked out. 1.00

02:43:50.000 They just get touched.

02:43:52.000 You know, it's a lot of like this, like this kind of thing.

02:43:54.000 And then when someone does touch, make contact, they separate and they call a point.

02:43:58.000 Now, it's based on the very ludicrous notion that one strike could kill someone.

02:44:03.000 Okay.

02:44:03.000 And so you wouldn't want to be hitting anybody more than once.

02:44:05.000 Yeah, you could do one hit or quitter shit. 0.99

02:44:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:44:07.000 So this is like based, you know, they started these tournaments based on that idea a long ass time ago. 0.99

02:44:12.000 And they keep doing them that way.

02:44:14.000 But the skill that you get from that is the ability to close the distance and hit someone.

02:44:19.000 Look at that crazy jump and wheel kick you did.

02:44:21.000 Yeah.

02:44:21.000 That was a 720-degree wheel kick.

02:44:24.000 Look at this.

02:44:25.000 I mean, that's crazy.

02:44:26.000 If you're in a street fight, right, and you see a guy take a karate stance, there is a chance he's going to hit you with one of those.

02:44:36.000 Most likely.

02:44:37.000 That's a one-hitter where you take that shot.

02:44:39.000 But if you're a wrestler, you go, oh, this is going to be great.

02:44:42.000 This is going to be great. 0.94

02:44:43.000 You're going to kick me. 0.96

02:44:44.000 Okay, let me time this. 1.00

02:44:46.000 I'm going to tackle you on the concrete fuckface. 1.00

02:44:48.000 That's why that D'Agostinian wrestling thing. 0.99

02:44:52.000 Wrestling is the number one foundation of all martial arts.

02:44:55.000 I think if you don't know how to wrestle, you can't fight.

02:44:58.000 You have to know how to wrestle.

02:44:59.000 Even the high-level kickboxers, like, you okay, bro?

02:45:02.000 What happened? 1.00

02:45:05.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

02:45:06.000 It's COVID. It's the new COVID. Give it to me. 1.00

02:45:10.000 Even guys like Alex Pajeda, who's one of the most devastating strikers to ever fight in the sport.

02:45:16.000 He had to learn how to wrestle before he could fight in MMA. Yeah.

02:45:19.000 You can't just go in there and not know how to get up.

02:45:21.000 You can't go in there and not know how to defend yourself.

02:45:22.000 It's just too dangerous.

02:45:24.000 I remember the old school when they did James Toney or Randy Couture.

02:45:27.000 Oh, yeah!

02:45:28.000 And Randy Couture's like, well, I'm not going to stand with you.

02:45:31.000 There was like you can't wrestle at all Randy ankle victim. 0.99

02:45:34.000 Yeah, which is like embarrassing He just dropped down and grab his angle like sit your ass down. 0.96

02:45:39.000 Yeah, dude He didn't even let him have a shot. 0.99

02:45:41.000 That was fun to watch Randy was actually nice to him.

02:45:43.000 He could have tortured him He could have like proven a point and just stayed on him and punched him in the face as long as he wanted to That's why I liked Khabib because Khabib just did that to the top guys that could wrestle Guys that could wrestle were like...

02:45:56.000 It was like watching someone fight a shark and get brought into the water.

02:46:00.000 And you were like, he's just got you.

02:46:02.000 Yeah, I mean, that's what Poirier said about him.

02:46:04.000 I just couldn't believe he was doing that to him.

02:46:06.000 Can you imagine that? 0.99

02:46:07.000 You're just so good that guys at the top level are like, I can't even fuck with this guy. 0.99

02:46:12.000 He's getting mauled by this dude. 0.99

02:46:13.000 And he's talking to you.

02:46:14.000 And Poirier tried for a guillotine at one point in time and almost had it.

02:46:17.000 Remember that?

02:46:18.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:46:18.000 It was pretty tight.

02:46:19.000 Poirier has a nasty guillotine.

02:46:21.000 Was that fight in...

02:46:23.000 London?

02:46:24.000 Or it was...

02:46:24.000 I think I remember watching...

02:46:25.000 Why do I remember watching it in the afternoon?

02:46:27.000 I do not know.

02:46:28.000 But I remember watching that and you're like, oh, he's got...

02:46:30.000 No, he doesn't.

02:46:30.000 Oh, it was Justin Gaeth...

02:46:31.000 Was that the last fight?

02:46:32.000 Gaethje.

02:46:33.000 Gaethje was the last fight.

02:46:34.000 With Gaethje, did he catch Khabib in a something? 0.66

02:46:38.000 I think he tried something and then all of a sudden...

02:46:40.000 He tried a triangle?

02:46:41.000 A guillotine?

02:46:42.000 Was it Gaethje?

02:46:43.000 Am I remembering it wrong?

02:46:45.000 I thought it was Dustin Poirier.

02:46:46.000 Almost had a guillotine.

02:46:47.000 You probably know more than I do.

02:46:48.000 I just remember being high at helium in Philadelphia during the day.

02:46:53.000 And they're like, we'll put the fight on here.

02:46:54.000 And I was like, that'd be awesome.

02:46:56.000 Walk over from the hotel.

02:46:57.000 The story was that he actually likes Gaethje.

02:47:00.000 It was Poirier.

02:47:02.000 So here it is. 0.99

02:47:02.000 He gets him in a guillotine. 0.99

02:47:03.000 This is pretty fucking tight, dude. 1.00

02:47:05.000 It's pretty fucking tight. 0.99

02:47:06.000 And it would have been much better if he had that right knee engaged. 0.98

02:47:09.000 See how Khabib just steps over that right knee.

02:47:11.000 He just alleviated a lot of pressure there.

02:47:14.000 But there's still a tremendous amount of pressure on his neck.

02:47:16.000 But the key thing here is Dustin tried to scramble and re-engage, but he never got that right knee in play.

02:47:23.000 Khabib kept that right knee from being in play every time.

02:47:25.000 See how he pushed it down and gets sideways?

02:47:27.000 That alleviates the pressure from the hips. 0.97

02:47:29.000 So now the hips aren't squeezing down on your lower back anymore, which accentuates the pressure on the neck.

02:47:33.000 And now he's out.

02:47:34.000 Now he's out.

02:47:35.000 It was the whole key to that.

02:47:36.000 If he was in full guard there...

02:47:38.000 Look at how scary it is.

02:47:39.000 Then all of a sudden he's on his back and he's just like... 1.00

02:47:41.000 Shit! 1.00

02:47:42.000 Shit! 1.00

02:47:43.000 Well, that's the problem with pulling guard for a guillotine. 1.00

02:47:45.000 Right here.

02:47:45.000 And then he just switches over, goes over, and now he's just gone on his back.

02:47:49.000 And also, Dustin needs to take a break here.

02:47:51.000 Because he just exerted an insane amount of energy trying to close the deal.

02:47:55.000 So when you're trying to close the deal on a guillotine, your whole body is involved.

02:47:59.000 And you're arcing into it, and he didn't have the leg, man.

02:48:03.000 And then he's just...

02:48:04.000 He didn't have that leg.

02:48:05.000 If he had that right leg over, and that's why Khabib, that was his number one priority, wasn't even defending the choke.

02:48:11.000 If you notice, the number one priority is moving over that right leg.

02:48:14.000 Yeah, got over him.

02:48:15.000 Because as soon as someone has a guillotine like Dustin does, and they have two legs, and you're really trapped, it might be night-night.

02:48:21.000 Yeah.

02:48:21.000 It might be night-night.

02:48:22.000 Because they're pulling down on your lower back, and then they're up on your neck and twisting it to the side.

02:48:28.000 I'd be trying to talk.

02:48:28.000 I'd be like, stop!

02:48:29.000 You can't even get hands involved. 1.00

02:48:31.000 You're just fucks, Bill. 1.00

02:48:32.000 Please let me know! 1.00

02:48:34.000 That's what I was saying last night, where you get choked and it changes your voice.

02:48:36.000 You go like... 0.99

02:48:37.000 That's just how fucking good Khabib was, man. 0.99

02:48:42.000 He's so good. 0.98

02:48:43.000 It's almost a tragedy that he never wants to fight again.

02:48:46.000 Because he doesn't, right?

02:48:46.000 It was like the promise he made his dad.

02:48:48.000 It was beautiful.

02:48:49.000 He made his mother.

02:48:49.000 He was going to have one more fight and that was going to be it.

02:48:51.000 And it's beautiful.

02:48:52.000 That's a great way to go out.

02:48:53.000 And now he's just a badass coach.

02:48:54.000 Yep, and he'll be one of the greatest coaches of all time.

02:48:57.000 And he'll go out as, without a doubt, one of the greatest to ever do it.

02:49:02.000 One of the greatest to ever do it.

02:49:03.000 If not the best ever, he's definitely in the argument.

02:49:06.000 The argument is Mighty Mouse, who's always had a special place in my heart for when he was in his prime. 0.99

02:49:12.000 When he was in his prime, Mighty Mouse was a motherfucker to watch. 1.00

02:49:17.000 He would do shit that no one could do. 1.00

02:49:19.000 He would do shit Where he would throw a guy into the air, suplex him, and then catch an arm bar in the middle of him being in the air. 0.99

02:49:29.000 I just saw that clip. 0.99

02:49:30.000 And finish it on the ground.

02:49:31.000 I just saw the flying arm bar.

02:49:33.000 There's not a champion alive.

02:49:36.000 That can do that the way Mighty Mouse did.

02:49:38.000 Yeah, you like toss the guy in the air and then on his way down threw him in an arm bar when they both hit the mat.

02:49:42.000 Bro, when he fought Henry Cejudo the first time, it was a masterclass.

02:49:46.000 It was a masterclass.

02:49:47.000 When he put Henry away...

02:49:48.000 Yeah, when you're...

02:49:49.000 This is his last fight.

02:49:51.000 That was the fight with the fly.

02:49:52.000 That's a great fight too, though.

02:49:53.000 Show that.

02:49:53.000 Show that KO. Because it's a flying knee.

02:49:56.000 And this is a guy who had knocked him out in the previous fight with a knee.

02:50:01.000 So check this out.

02:50:02.000 Look at this combination. 0.99

02:50:03.000 Look at that fucking timing, dude. 1.00

02:50:05.000 And walk away. 1.00

02:50:06.000 Walk away.

02:50:07.000 Look at that timing, man.

02:50:08.000 Oh my god. 0.99

02:50:09.000 When you're watching this cage side and you see a guy like Mighty Mouse do some wild shit, are you just like, as a fan of the sport, You're calling it, but you're just like, does it take your brain a little bit to process? 0.99

02:50:23.000 Like, what the fuck did I just watch? 0.99

02:50:25.000 It's so magical. 0.99

02:50:26.000 It's like, I know how hard it is to move that way, so when I see a dude who can move the way he does, I'm like, that is so fucking beautiful.

02:50:34.000 So for someone who does martial arts...

02:50:37.000 There it is.

02:50:37.000 Yeah, look at this.

02:50:38.000 Flying arm bar.

02:50:39.000 This is against Ray Borg.

02:50:40.000 So in the middle of the suplex, he catches the arm before the dude hits the ground.

02:50:44.000 Oh, that's right.

02:50:44.000 Before the dude hits the ground, he caught the arm.

02:50:47.000 And then he swings over and get...

02:50:49.000 Now, he's having fun here.

02:50:52.000 Yeah.

02:50:52.000 He's having fun.

02:50:53.000 For him to do this, he's like, I'm going to show off.

02:50:56.000 And if you know Demetrius, he's a fun dude.

02:50:59.000 He plays a lot of video games and streams and stuff.

02:51:00.000 That's awesome.

02:51:00.000 He's a really sweetheart of a guy.

02:51:02.000 You would never imagine he'd be that good at fucking people up. 0.99

02:51:04.000 He had a German suplex into a fucking WWE movie. 0.99

02:51:10.000 In the air. 0.99

02:51:11.000 He was just lighting this dude on fire.

02:51:13.000 He was just lighting this dude on fire.

02:51:15.000 I maintain that he is the finest expression of martial arts I've ever seen.

02:51:22.000 Because it's creative.

02:51:23.000 It's just he didn't have the kind of competition and the men aren't as big.

02:51:28.000 But if he was welterweight, he would be, no question, the greatest of all time.

02:51:32.000 No question.

02:51:33.000 He was so good, dude.

02:51:36.000 You gotta look at them when they're in this window of time, and sometimes it's just a few years, where they're accomplishing things in a way that is so extraordinary, you go, I've never seen anybody better.

02:51:49.000 And that's how I feel about Mighty Mouse when he was in his prime.

02:51:52.000 And then the other one that's like that is Anderson Silva.

02:51:56.000 Anderson Silva when he was in his prime.

02:51:58.000 All the defenses, the title defenses, that run.

02:52:01.000 It was the way he was doing it too, man.

02:52:02.000 It was like he was operating at a different speed than them.

02:52:06.000 He was processing things with a 2024 computer and they were using some Windows 95. Yeah, the way he would dodge punches all the time.

02:52:14.000 And then I also loved...

02:52:15.000 He was part of the reason I wrote that joke about translators in the ring afterwards because his voice was so soft and he was like... 0.62

02:52:22.000 He's in Portuguese and they'd be like, Anderson says he'll kill all comers in anyone.

02:52:27.000 And you're like, but his voice is so sweet. 0.90

02:52:29.000 His voice was like...

02:52:32.000 Bro, when he beat Rich Franklin to win the title...

02:52:35.000 Yeah, Ace Rich or Rich Ace Franklin because he looked like Ace Ventura?

02:52:40.000 I love that.

02:52:41.000 God, those were my mushroom days where I'd just take a ton of mushrooms and watch UFC. That's a crazy thing to watch on mushrooms.

02:52:48.000 Oh, dude, it was... 0.97

02:52:49.000 Dude, I got robbed when I lived in Tucson, because I lived with a weed dealer, and I got fucking hogtied, gone on 45 on the head, cleaned out. 0.88

02:53:00.000 I did the whole story on Ari's... 0.81

02:53:02.000 It was the season Ari got fired, but this is not happening.

02:53:05.000 But I lived with a weed guy, and we got set up, and I was just a roommate.

02:53:08.000 How hard they hit you on the head?

02:53:10.000 Not hard.

02:53:11.000 I had to pretend that it was harder because the guy was like smaller than me. 0.99

02:53:15.000 So I had to pretend that he really fucked my shit up when really he just kind of dinked me. 0.99

02:53:19.000 And then he was, I mean, he was a pro. 1.00

02:53:21.000 Like he had an army duffel bag, zip ties, had like a real gun.

02:53:27.000 Like I had a cheap one.

02:53:28.000 It was one guy?

02:53:29.000 It was two guys.

02:53:30.000 Got both me and my roommate and they, you know, they knew we were college kids.

02:53:34.000 Both guys had guns?

02:53:35.000 Oh, yeah.

02:53:36.000 Hammers, dude.

02:53:37.000 45s, I think.

02:53:38.000 I think both of them had 45 calibers. 1.00

02:53:40.000 Like, he was tapping it on my head, being like, you're gonna fucking die, white boy. 1.00

02:53:43.000 Where's the fucking money? 1.00

02:53:44.000 And you're like, I don't fucking know! 1.00

02:53:47.000 And then, so I got robbed, and then I got out of it or whatever. 0.98

02:53:51.000 I was fine.

02:53:52.000 I wasn't physically hurt.

02:53:54.000 They took my car, which had six loads of laundry in it, so I lost all my clothes.

02:53:57.000 That sucked.

02:53:59.000 Wearing a bathing suit as underwear for three days. 0.92

02:54:01.000 Because I was so broke.

02:54:02.000 I couldn't afford anything.

02:54:04.000 I lost my CD booklet.

02:54:05.000 Did you ever get the car back?

02:54:07.000 Yeah, cleaned out.

02:54:08.000 Where was it?

02:54:09.000 In the desert.

02:54:10.000 That's what happens in Tucson.

02:54:12.000 This all happened in Tucson.

02:54:13.000 And they called me and they're like, we got your car.

02:54:15.000 And I was like, is my CD? I was at a bar and Tucson police called me and they go, we found your car.

02:54:20.000 And I go, was the CD booklet in it?

02:54:22.000 And the guy goes, no. 0.99

02:54:23.000 He's like, you're lucky we found your fucking car. 1.00

02:54:26.000 That's the thing. 0.99

02:54:27.000 We used to carry CD books in our car.

02:54:28.000 I had a zip one.

02:54:29.000 I had a zipper one with multiple pages.

02:54:32.000 Dude, I had pages of bands.

02:54:33.000 I had a whole Soundgarden page. 0.99

02:54:35.000 I had a whole Nirvana page with bleach all the way to fucking... 0.79

02:54:39.000 Dude, and you'd keep the CD thing for inside so it looked professional. 0.94

02:54:45.000 Right.

02:54:45.000 Did I had a banger of a CD booklet that got taken?

02:54:48.000 But then that night today, yeah, they're just like not digital I won't own my media, but we went I went to my buddy Sumner's house and I took like probably three and a half close to four grams and I was drunk before I took it oh boy and Mark was sober and he let me in and we watched the first season of the ultimate fighter and Oh,

02:55:12.000 wow.

02:55:13.000 And we had it on like...

02:55:14.000 Did you get robbed while you were watching it?

02:55:16.000 No.

02:55:16.000 This was at night, but it was like hyping me up where I was like, maybe I would have pulled...

02:55:20.000 I was on Mushrooms, so I was like, maybe I would have pulled... 0.97

02:55:22.000 I wouldn't have pulled shit, but I was like... 0.98

02:55:24.000 And then we watched that till like five in the morning, but I was just tripping, being like... 0.98

02:55:29.000 I was like watching UFC on Mushrooms Rules, and I thought I thought it was just the coolest.

02:55:33.000 So I did it a couple more times.

02:55:34.000 And I was thinking the last time I did it was Lesnar-Shane-Carwin.

02:55:40.000 Oh, wow.

02:55:41.000 Because I was like, oh, he's from Colorado.

02:55:43.000 I always loved Colorado fighters.

02:55:44.000 That was the closest Shane had come.

02:55:47.000 I mean, he really came close to beating that guy.

02:55:50.000 Got on top of him, was pounding him.

02:55:52.000 Oh, I wasn't on mushrooms.

02:55:54.000 I was drunk at Hooters with Lewis.

02:55:55.000 Oh, that's funny.

02:55:56.000 I was drunk at a Midtown Hooters with Lewis because I was yelling out Aurora. 0.99

02:56:00.000 And then fucking Shane Carlin lost. 0.98

02:56:02.000 And I was like, ah! 0.99

02:56:03.000 Because he gassed.

02:56:04.000 He gassed out.

02:56:05.000 That was it.

02:56:05.000 He emptied the tank trying to finish Brock.

02:56:08.000 Because he wobbled him.

02:56:09.000 Well, he was on top of him, raining bombs down on him.

02:56:12.000 A lot of referees would have stopped that fight. 1.00

02:56:15.000 Really?

02:56:16.000 Yeah.

02:56:16.000 Watch it.

02:56:17.000 Watch it.

02:56:17.000 Let's watch it.

02:56:18.000 Let's watch the end of the first round with Brock Lesnar and Shane Carwin.

02:56:21.000 God, I forgot where we were at.

02:56:22.000 Shane was a terrifying puncher.

02:56:25.000 Terrifying.

02:56:25.000 He was the only guy in the UFC that they had to have gloves bigger than Brock Lesnar's.

02:56:29.000 Really?

02:56:29.000 Yeah, they had like four XL gloves.

02:56:31.000 Because I remember when Brock came to the UFC, they were like, they have to make his gloves bigger.

02:56:36.000 Shane's are bigger.

02:56:37.000 Really?

02:56:37.000 Bro, Shane's hands were like- Dude, what a badass!

02:56:39.000 They were like canned hands.

02:56:40.000 Look at these guys!

02:56:42.000 Shane was so dangerous, man.

02:56:44.000 Like, people forgot about him, like, in his prime.

02:56:46.000 He could put anybody to sleep with like a six-inch punch. 1.00

02:56:50.000 He was so fucking dangerous. 0.99

02:56:52.000 And he was a really good wrestler, too. 0.99

02:56:54.000 Yeah.

02:56:54.000 And a Colorado guy, so I loved him.

02:56:56.000 He's a fucking beast, dude. 0.99

02:56:58.000 Was he in the Greg Jackson gym with all of them? 1.00

02:57:00.000 I believe...

02:57:02.000 Well, I know he's out of Colorado.

02:57:04.000 Yeah.

02:57:05.000 I think he trained with Jackson.

02:57:06.000 Yeah, but this is at the point where he's already gassed.

02:57:09.000 Yeah, this is at the point where he's gassed.

02:57:10.000 And this is the second round.

02:57:11.000 This is when Brock wins.

02:57:13.000 Can you go back to the first round?

02:57:16.000 No, I'm at the end of the first round.

02:57:18.000 So this is it.

02:57:20.000 So go a little bit before that so you can see how this takes place.

02:57:23.000 Because he stuns him on the feet.

02:57:27.000 So they're standing up there.

02:57:30.000 God, listen to that.

02:57:33.000 And there was the uppercut. 0.82

02:57:34.000 Look at that uppercut. 0.97

02:57:35.000 That uppercut was nasty.

02:57:43.000 He stuffed the takedown.

02:57:45.000 Bro, Shane was so dangerous.

02:57:47.000 So dangerous.

02:57:48.000 I thought it was over right there.

02:57:50.000 Look at this.

02:57:51.000 It could have been over right here with a lot of referees, man.

02:57:54.000 A lot of referees. 1.00

02:57:58.000 There has to be a feeling where you have Brock Lesnar and then you don't and you go like, fuck! 1.00

02:58:03.000 Like, look at this. 0.99

02:58:04.000 Look how close this is. 0.99

02:58:11.000 So he's getting fucking pummeled, dude. 0.99

02:58:14.000 And this goes on for a while. 0.99

02:58:16.000 The thing is, Shane right now is emptying the tank because he thinks he's got the clothes.

02:58:22.000 He's at the end.

02:58:23.000 That's what he thinks.

02:58:25.000 Yeah.

02:58:27.000 This goes on for a while, dude.

02:58:29.000 It keeps going on.

02:58:30.000 Look at this.

02:58:31.000 Big shots.

02:58:32.000 Like, right there, stop the fight.

02:58:34.000 Right there, you can stop the fight.

02:58:36.000 But Brock is still pushing him off, but he's not really effectively defending himself.

02:58:41.000 Like, many referees would have been like, I've seen enough.

02:58:45.000 Like, right here, the blood spraying.

02:58:46.000 Many referees. 1.00

02:58:47.000 Damn! 1.00

02:58:48.000 But nope. 1.00

02:58:49.000 I don't remember this fight that well.

02:58:51.000 I just remember that Shane gassed.

02:58:53.000 Yep.

02:58:59.000 Oh my god, dude.

02:59:00.000 The feeling of having someone almost knocked out and they don't call it.

02:59:03.000 But it gets worse.

02:59:04.000 Look.

02:59:08.000 It gets worse.

02:59:10.000 So now he gets...

02:59:11.000 I think he fully mounts him at one point in time.

02:59:13.000 Like, look at this.

02:59:15.000 This is big, dude. 1.00

02:59:16.000 These are big fucking shots. 0.99

02:59:17.000 That's a big elbow. 1.00

02:59:19.000 Yeah.

02:59:20.000 But he's tired.

02:59:21.000 You can see him breathing heavy.

02:59:23.000 Yeah.

02:59:23.000 But now he's just looking for one big shot.

02:59:26.000 I mean, dude, the way he has him, I've never seen him...

02:59:29.000 I mean, he's beating the fuck out of Brock here.

02:59:32.000 But now, those aren't effective.

02:59:34.000 Yeah.

02:59:35.000 But the referee could stop the fight, man. 0.98

02:59:37.000 This is fucking close. 0.92

02:59:39.000 This is one of those things where, like, the guy's getting beat up so bad, you could make an argument for stopping it. 0.98

02:59:44.000 Look at all the blood, but Brock is fighting back.

02:59:48.000 Shane gets on top of him again.

02:59:49.000 Brock can't get up, right?

02:59:51.000 He's getting mauled here.

02:59:52.000 No, but Brock's saving energy doing this, right?

02:59:55.000 Like, he's not.

02:59:56.000 Well, I mean, he clearly had the better gas tank because he made it out of this and then the second round he was fresh and Shane was done.

03:00:02.000 Shane right now is done.

03:00:04.000 He's done.

03:00:05.000 He's so tired.

03:00:06.000 You have to understand how he has nothing in his arms left.

03:00:10.000 He just exerted everything.

03:00:11.000 He emptied the tank.

03:00:13.000 Have you ever seen a fight where a guy does that and then wins by using his legs or something?

03:00:18.000 Most of the time when guys empty the tank that bad, they can't recover.

03:00:22.000 So it's just, they're done on everything.

03:00:24.000 And so look, Brock is scrambling at the end of the round and he's getting back up to his feet.

03:00:27.000 And now he's up.

03:00:28.000 Now he's up. 1.00

03:00:29.000 Damn, dude. 1.00

03:00:30.000 If someone stands up like that, especially a Brock Lesnar against you, you go like, fuck. 1.00

03:00:34.000 And Shane is kind of breaking here. 0.99

03:00:36.000 Like, he's really tired.

03:00:37.000 Like, he's got him breathing.

03:00:38.000 He's just trying to figure out a way to recover, and Brock's not going to let him recover.

03:00:42.000 Because if he's defending constantly, then he's still breathing heavily, and then he's not going to be able to get his win back.

03:00:48.000 This isn't just like it seems like no one's doing anything, but he's got a fight Brock off him with that overhook. 0.95

03:00:54.000 He's got to do something to like keep him right now He's not doing shit right now.

03:00:58.000 He's just hanging on damn and Brock is catching his breath, too So Shane doesn't even have his hands clasped here. 0.82

03:01:03.000 He's literally not he's not digging that overhook He's really needed a break here. 0.98

03:01:08.000 And Brock knows this too.

03:01:10.000 So Brock recognizes that he's exhausted.

03:01:12.000 So Brock knows probably also that this is the end of the round and he's going to make it out of this.

03:01:18.000 And so then when he comes into the second round, he knows this dude's toast.

03:01:22.000 Because there's a level that you get to where you're so exhausted, like, you're not gonna be okay in a minute.

03:01:26.000 Yeah.

03:01:27.000 So here's the second round. 1.00

03:01:28.000 Do you think when he sits down, or when he comes back out right here, he's like, ah, fuck. 1.00

03:01:33.000 Yep. 1.00

03:01:34.000 Oh, you can see him breathing.

03:01:35.000 Yeah, he's already exhausted, and Brock looks way better.

03:01:37.000 And Brock is gonna just set it up, look for the moment, but he kinda knows that Shane's toast right here.

03:01:45.000 And then he eventually shoots.

03:01:48.000 Jesus, man.

03:01:50.000 That's something where you just want to be like, let me go home. 0.99

03:01:54.000 I'm just fucking zapped. 0.78

03:01:56.000 So he's moving away from the shots now. 1.00

03:02:01.000 Look, they're like telling him, they're like, get the fuck over there. 0.97

03:02:03.000 This is good for both of them, too. 0.97

03:02:05.000 It gives him a chance to recover.

03:02:06.000 So he swung in there, tried to land a big bomb. 0.99

03:02:11.000 Do you think it's similar in any way like being at a job where you feel out of your depth where you're just like, fuck, I'm done. 0.99

03:02:17.000 I thought this was it. 0.95

03:02:18.000 You know what I mean?

03:02:19.000 There it is.

03:02:20.000 There's the shot.

03:02:21.000 So he gets on top of him and eventually arm triangles and submits him. 0.72

03:02:25.000 Yeah, so he's just out.

03:02:26.000 Here it is.

03:02:26.000 He gets him in the arm triangle.

03:02:28.000 I mean, this is heavy pressure, head and arm choke.

03:02:32.000 Heavy pressure.

03:02:32.000 Oh, yeah.

03:02:33.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

03:02:38.000 He's got to push with his elbow. 1.00

03:02:40.000 See how his hand is right there?

03:02:42.000 Yeah.

03:02:42.000 What he really needs to do is what's called answering the phone.

03:02:44.000 You put your hand in between Brock's head and your ear so he tapped.

03:02:48.000 Yeah.

03:02:48.000 He was done.

03:02:49.000 The defense, and it's not the best defense, but it's the only thing you have, is to get your hand like this.

03:02:54.000 Hello.

03:02:55.000 Yeah.

03:02:55.000 Hello.

03:02:56.000 Hello. 1.00

03:02:57.000 Because if they just have this completely locked up, you're fucked. 1.00

03:03:01.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99

03:03:01.000 You've got to get a little bit of space. 0.99

03:03:03.000 Our future president, Brock Lesnar.

03:03:04.000 Woo! 0.99

03:03:06.000 Isn't that in Idiocracy?

03:03:08.000 Yeah, it is.

03:03:09.000 It's a former WWF champion.

03:03:11.000 Yeah, that would.

03:03:12.000 That would absolutely be...

03:03:13.000 We would hate Idiocracy. 0.99

03:03:14.000 I just watched Idiocracy about a year ago, and it fucking holds up. 0.99

03:03:17.000 Mike Judge is just a man. 0.98

03:03:19.000 He's amazing.

03:03:19.000 By the way, Office Space still holds up.

03:03:21.000 Amazing.

03:03:21.000 It all holds up.

03:03:22.000 One of the greatest movies of all time.

03:03:23.000 Beavis and Butthead, still funny.

03:03:25.000 Amazing.

03:03:25.000 King of the Hill.

03:03:26.000 Everything the guy does.

03:03:27.000 He's unbelievable. 1.00

03:03:27.000 Beavis and Butthead, when I first moved to California in 94, was this shit. 1.00

03:03:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:03:32.000 Couldn't wait for Beavis and Butthead. 0.99

03:03:33.000 It was the funniest thing on television.

03:03:35.000 Cornholio.

03:03:36.000 Remember when it became Cornholio when you have too much sugar?

03:03:39.000 The great Cornholio on your teepee for my bum hole? 0.97

03:03:41.000 Dude, I was in middle school and it was like everybody was doing Beavis and Butthead impressions.

03:03:47.000 It was like, you just hear the weird kid in the back and be like, that rules.

03:03:51.000 And you're like, oh, Jesus Christ. 0.97

03:03:53.000 It made being a degenerate dirtbag fun. 0.97

03:03:56.000 These guys ruled. 0.97

03:03:58.000 Yeah, the movie was great.

03:03:59.000 Beavis and Butthead do America.

03:04:01.000 Let me see what he does.

03:04:02.000 So he gets too much syrup.

03:04:04.000 He's just drinking all the soda.

03:04:15.000 Guy Rawls.

03:04:22.000 I love it.

03:04:24.000 I love that.

03:04:24.000 I remember going to see the movie like pumped, like waiting, like getting friends together and being like, Friday.

03:04:31.000 Friday night we're gonna go see Beavis and Butthead do America.

03:04:34.000 I haven't seen new ones.

03:04:36.000 Aren't there new ones?

03:04:37.000 Yeah, they're doing new ones.

03:04:38.000 Are they good?

03:04:38.000 Have you seen them?

03:04:39.000 Yeah, I've seen a couple.

03:04:40.000 Did you like them?

03:04:41.000 Sure.

03:04:41.000 Because they watch TikTok stuff now.

03:04:43.000 Now they don't watch music videos.

03:04:44.000 They watch like what we would watch and make fun of.

03:04:46.000 Oh, nice.

03:04:47.000 Like that poem.

03:04:48.000 They would like to watch that.

03:04:49.000 It was great.

03:04:49.000 Perfect.

03:04:50.000 What's it on?

03:04:51.000 Paramount Plus.

03:04:52.000 Yep.

03:04:53.000 Oh, okay.

03:04:53.000 It's like buried on one of those streaming services.

03:04:55.000 I have that one.

03:04:56.000 Go watch it, because that's like where South Park is.

03:04:58.000 They've got a bunch of stuff there. 0.99

03:04:59.000 Yeah, Paramount Plus has some good shit on it. 0.96

03:05:01.000 It's just annoying that you have to subscribe. 0.99

03:05:03.000 Yeah, old Beavis and Butthead.

03:05:05.000 They're old now?

03:05:06.000 Some of them?

03:05:07.000 Yeah, they just did.

03:05:09.000 The show I really want to watch is Ronin on FX. You mean Shogun?

03:05:16.000 Shogun!

03:05:17.000 Yes.

03:05:18.000 Yeah, Shogun looks amazing.

03:05:19.000 They put the two...

03:05:20.000 I think there's two episodes out right now.

03:05:22.000 I'm gonna watch it tonight.

03:05:24.000 After shows...

03:05:25.000 What streaming service is that on?

03:05:27.000 It's on Hulu.

03:05:28.000 It's on Hulu.

03:05:28.000 Because it's FX. Yeah, it looks sick.

03:05:31.000 I remember the original.

03:05:32.000 Oh, really?

03:05:33.000 Yeah, the original was amazing.

03:05:34.000 I didn't know this was a remake.

03:05:36.000 Yeah, there was an original show, Shogun, way back in the day.

03:05:40.000 Very excited for this.

03:05:42.000 I mean, yeah, it was Shogun.

03:05:43.000 This looks awesome.

03:05:45.000 It's based on a novel.

03:05:46.000 Oh, it is?

03:05:47.000 Yeah.

03:05:48.000 Okay.

03:05:48.000 I love...

03:05:49.000 FX does random shit sometimes and you're like, this is awesome. 0.99

03:05:53.000 They do some great shit, dude. 0.99

03:05:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:05:54.000 They do some great shit. 1.00

03:05:55.000 They're kind of like what HBO used to be. 0.99

03:05:57.000 They did The Shield.

03:05:58.000 Remember The Shield?

03:05:59.000 Yeah.

03:05:59.000 That was a great show.

03:06:00.000 The Shield was very good.

03:06:02.000 Michael Chiklis or whatever?

03:06:03.000 Yeah.

03:06:04.000 So, Shogun American Historical Drama limited series created by Rachel Kondo and Justin Marks based on the 1975 novel of the same name by James Clavel.

03:06:15.000 The novel was previously adapted into a 1980 limited series.

03:06:18.000 Yeah, that's it.

03:06:19.000 1980 series.

03:06:20.000 Click on the 1980 series.

03:06:21.000 Who was in that? 0.99

03:06:22.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

03:06:23.000 So, this was... 1.00

03:06:27.000 Starring, who's the guy?

03:06:29.000 Can you find a- Richard Chamberlain, that's right.

03:06:31.000 That's right.

03:06:33.000 This is like when they were letting white dudes play Japanese guys.

03:06:35.000 No, he was a white guy.

03:06:36.000 Oh, he was? 0.96

03:06:36.000 He was supposed to be a white guy living with the shoguns. 0.96

03:06:39.000 Oh, kind of like The Last Samurai.

03:06:41.000 Exactly.

03:06:41.000 It's basically like the Tom Cruise movie.

03:06:45.000 Yeah.

03:06:45.000 They just stole that idea.

03:06:47.000 It's like Shogun was the real person of it. 0.98

03:06:49.000 Everything's fucking lifted. 0.95

03:06:49.000 That's totally lifted. 0.95

03:06:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:06:51.000 Like the one white guy fucking kicks asses with Samurai. 1.00

03:06:53.000 Like, good luck, bitch. 1.00

03:06:54.000 And we're watching that and we're going... 1.00

03:06:56.000 Yeah.

03:06:56.000 Bro, they were raised to sword fight.

03:06:58.000 You shut your fucking mouth, you're going to lose an arm. 1.00

03:07:00.000 Instantly. 1.00

03:07:01.000 You're going to lose an arm.

03:07:02.000 And then the rest of your life, you're going to be like...

03:07:03.000 Yeah, you're like...

03:07:04.000 And you have no honor.

03:07:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:07:06.000 Because you were a dickhead and they cut your arm off. 1.00

03:07:09.000 Dude, that would be a fucking... 1.00

03:07:10.000 And they decided not to kill you and just leave you with no arm. 0.99

03:07:12.000 But dude, then they shut off contact with the outside world, and then the shogun fell and shit, and everyone was like, yeah, our militaries are advanced by like 100 years now. 0.98

03:07:22.000 Whoops. 1.00

03:07:22.000 And Japan was like, fuck. 1.00

03:07:24.000 Forgot about bullets. 1.00

03:07:25.000 We gotta catch up.

03:07:26.000 Well, they didn't want to use bullets too, right?

03:07:27.000 Yeah.

03:07:27.000 It wasn't an honorable way to kill it.

03:07:29.000 Yeah.

03:07:29.000 It wasn't Bushido.

03:07:31.000 Yeah.

03:07:32.000 They're one of the only successful cultures that fought off the Mongols.

03:07:37.000 I mean, you're talking about my favorite video game of all time, Ghost of Tsushima.

03:07:40.000 Yeah?

03:07:40.000 Game's unbelievable.

03:07:42.000 It's a video game about the samurais and the Mongols?

03:07:44.000 Yeah, it's about the invasion of Tsushima Island by the Mongols, and you, dude, you learn four different sword styles, and you change your sword styles to play.

03:07:55.000 Dude, this game, I've played this game, I want to say, three or four times completely.

03:08:00.000 Look at that.

03:08:00.000 It's unbelievable, and it's open world.

03:08:03.000 So you ride around and then you'll duel Mongols. 0.99

03:08:07.000 There's also no difficulty level, right?

03:08:09.000 It's supposed to be pretty hard?

03:08:10.000 You can change the difficulty.

03:08:11.000 Yeah, you can change the difficulty level.

03:08:13.000 That's awesome.

03:08:14.000 You go around, you get armor, you learn how to duel, but you start off after they lose the invasion.

03:08:20.000 So this is the actual game?

03:08:22.000 This is the cutscene, but then that's the real game.

03:08:25.000 That's what it looks like when you're riding through.

03:08:26.000 It's unbelievable. 0.99

03:08:28.000 Holy fuck, dude, this is amazing. 1.00

03:08:30.000 Jin Sakai! 1.00

03:08:31.000 So you could stumble upon a camp? 1.00

03:08:32.000 That's what it is, and then you fucking sneak attack. 1.00

03:08:35.000 Oh my god. 0.99

03:08:36.000 Right there, this is what you do.

03:08:37.000 Look at this. 0.62

03:08:38.000 So you can do multiple assassinations.

03:08:40.000 Dude, it's...

03:08:42.000 This is insane. 0.98

03:08:43.000 Anyone I've ever told to play this game comes back and they're like, that's fucking unbelievable. 0.99

03:08:47.000 This is insane. 0.92

03:08:48.000 Ghost of Tsushima rules.

03:08:49.000 Oh my god.

03:08:50.000 And they said they're due for a sequel, because this came out a couple years ago. 1.00

03:08:53.000 Fuck. 1.00

03:08:53.000 Flaming arrows! 1.00

03:08:54.000 It's unbelievable. 1.00

03:08:55.000 You do so much shit that you're like, this is the coolest thing. 1.00

03:08:59.000 And then you have one-on-one sword fights with Ronins and shit. 1.00

03:09:02.000 Like, your best friend is a Ronin that betrays you. 0.99

03:09:05.000 And you have to fight him in an awesome sword.

03:09:07.000 Like, big sword duels.

03:09:08.000 It's awesome.

03:09:09.000 And your uncle is...

03:09:13.000 Kind of like runs it, you know?

03:09:15.000 And you have to either, you choose if you go with them or against them. 1.00

03:09:17.000 It's fucking rules. 1.00

03:09:19.000 Wow. 0.99

03:09:19.000 Dude, it's easily my top three in my top three video games. 0.99

03:09:23.000 Video games are so next level now.

03:09:25.000 Well, they're movies that you play now.

03:09:26.000 Yeah.

03:09:27.000 And they're more compelling than movies because you're a player in it.

03:09:30.000 Like Last of Us.

03:09:32.000 The knock was, it's like, it's not as good as the game. 1.00

03:09:34.000 Like, you play Last of Us, you're in that shit. 0.98

03:09:38.000 Or, like, God of War, they'll never make it into a movie, but you play it as a game, and you're like, this is so fucking fun. 0.99

03:09:44.000 Wow. 1.00

03:09:45.000 You just get into shit. 1.00

03:09:46.000 Spider-Man 2, the video game, is better than... 1.00

03:09:48.000 Dude, you're a real video game junkie.

03:09:49.000 I'm a nerd, Joe.

03:09:51.000 Yeah, you're a junkie for it.

03:09:52.000 I'm a junkie. 1.00

03:09:53.000 Dude, fuck it. 1.00

03:09:53.000 Right in the veins. 1.00

03:09:55.000 I, uh, Spider-Man 2, I mean Ragnarok, it's unbelievable.

03:09:59.000 Spider-Man 2 is better than any Spider-Man, the video game is better than any Spider-Man movie they've made.

03:10:05.000 Wow.

03:10:05.000 As a comic book fan, it's better than anything they've made.

03:10:08.000 Look at this.

03:10:09.000 Yeah, dude, Balder vs.

03:10:11.000 Kratos. 0.99

03:10:11.000 Graphics is fucking insane. 0.99

03:10:13.000 It's not as fun as doing gay of war. 1.00

03:10:16.000 He's like, I want to suck boy. 1.00

03:10:18.000 Boy, I'm going to suck you. 1.00

03:10:20.000 Is that what they do? 1.00

03:10:21.000 No, I just make fun of that.

03:10:23.000 Shane and I used to do this thing.

03:10:25.000 This is the actual gameplay?

03:10:27.000 That's a cutscene.

03:10:30.000 Yeah, that's where you fight them.

03:10:34.000 Better look out.

03:10:34.000 Reds, you can't defend.

03:10:36.000 Does he have magic? 1.00

03:10:38.000 Yeah, it's all about this shit. 1.00

03:10:39.000 You basically fight against Odin and everyone of all the Norse gods, and they find out that you're a former Greek god. 1.00

03:10:47.000 Oh.

03:10:48.000 It's awesome. 0.98

03:10:49.000 It fucking rules. 0.97

03:10:50.000 Red Dead Redemption 2 came out. 0.99

03:10:54.000 Shane and I were going on the road together.

03:10:56.000 I was taking Shane on the road.

03:10:57.000 And we would do this.

03:10:58.000 He would joke that I'm such a nice guy.

03:10:59.000 He's like, what's your demons?

03:11:01.000 Like, what do you do? 0.98

03:11:01.000 And I was like, it'd be funny if I jerked off homeless guys. 0.98

03:11:03.000 And that's what came out about me.

03:11:05.000 So Shane and I would do a running bit where we would do a homeless guy being like, hey!

03:11:09.000 Watch out, buddy.

03:11:10.000 You're about to make me come. 1.00

03:11:12.000 And it's just me being like, shut up. 1.00

03:11:14.000 I'm going to fucking jack you off. 1.00

03:11:15.000 He's like, oh, hey, man. 1.00

03:11:16.000 What are you doing?

03:11:17.000 Shane and I do that for weeks.

03:11:20.000 And then I was out of the country and Red Dead Redemption 2 came out.

03:11:24.000 And I just got this voicemail from Shane that was so excited.

03:11:27.000 He's like, dude, have you played Red Dead Redemption 2 yet?

03:11:29.000 I'm like, no, I'm not home yet. 0.87

03:11:30.000 And he goes, Arthur Morgan is our homeless jerk-off voice. 0.96

03:11:34.000 Oh, my God. 0.90

03:11:35.000 The main character of the voice is a guy going like, well, hey there. 0.98

03:11:39.000 And we're like, dude, that is our homeless jerk-off voice. 0.99

03:11:42.000 I'll jack you off under the... 1.00

03:11:44.000 Hey, mister. 1.00

03:11:47.000 This is another game where you can do wild shit to people too. 1.00

03:11:50.000 Wild shit. 1.00

03:11:51.000 By the way, it's a game you can play four or five times and not find all the stuff. 0.99

03:11:54.000 Like, they put that much work into it.

03:11:56.000 Where they're like, nah, this is layered. 0.96

03:11:59.000 You can go on treasure hunts and shit that you would never find unless you, like, win after it. 0.93

03:12:04.000 You don't ever wonder if you're, like, killing too much time doing those things? 0.98

03:12:07.000 All the time, dude.

03:12:08.000 All the time.

03:12:08.000 Does it give you anxiety?

03:12:10.000 Yeah, but I also level it by, like, alright, if I'm gonna spend 30 minutes writing jokes, then I could play, like, video games for two hours.

03:12:18.000 Because I'm high, and what else am I going to fucking do?

03:12:20.000 Well, that's good if you give yourself a little reward. 0.99

03:12:23.000 When I quit drinking, my video game went up.

03:12:25.000 Makes sense.

03:12:26.000 Fills the time.

03:12:27.000 Because honestly, like one in the morning, I'll hang out at the cellar until like one.

03:12:31.000 And then I'm like...

03:12:32.000 Time to go.

03:12:33.000 I kind of want to go home and play video games.

03:12:35.000 That was fun. 0.99

03:12:35.000 Yeah, I want to go smoke a fat bowl and play fucking Ghost of Tsushima. 0.99

03:12:39.000 Oh, that's the new Grand Theft Auto. 0.98

03:12:40.000 Think about the pleasure that that kind of technology gives people.

03:12:44.000 Yeah, very much.

03:12:44.000 People, their lives suck, but their video game lives are awesome.

03:12:49.000 I get it. 0.72

03:12:49.000 And the joy you get is real. 0.72

03:12:51.000 Yeah, you have to deal with post-video game, post-nut syndrome.

03:12:56.000 You're absolutely like, wipe it off your belly and you're like, I was a Greek god fighting. 1.00

03:13:02.000 My life is bullshit. 1.00

03:13:03.000 Yeah, I thought Thor. 1.00

03:13:05.000 But they do incredible shit. 0.99

03:13:07.000 And that's why it's moving away from movies and shit. 0.99

03:13:11.000 Spider-Man movies are really cool. 0.98

03:13:13.000 But when you're actually Spider-Man, and you're flying around New York City, and then you've got to go fight fucking Venom, you're like, this is unbelievable. 0.58

03:13:22.000 It's unbelievable.

03:13:23.000 Yeah, and then they're going to get those things to be virtual.

03:13:26.000 Yeah, it's drugs.

03:13:27.000 Yeah, it's heavy drugs.

03:13:28.000 Heavy, heavy.

03:13:30.000 Heavy.

03:13:31.000 And you better believe, when I get to my hotel in San Antonio, Dan Soda, you're the man.

03:13:37.000 Thanks for being here.

03:13:38.000 Appreciate you.

03:13:39.000 You're always fun.

03:13:40.000 I'm excited to work Mothership this weekend.

03:13:42.000 Yes, I'm excited you're going to be there too. 0.93

03:13:43.000 I'm fucking pumped. 0.70

03:13:44.000 And then tell everybody your social, all that stuff. 0.97

03:13:47.000 Got a new special out on YouTube called On The Road.

03:13:49.000 It comes out March 1st, which is I think today.

03:13:54.000 At Dan Soder on everything.

03:13:55.000 Subscribe to my YouTube channel.

03:13:57.000 I got a podcast called Soder. 0.94

03:13:58.000 Just having comics come and sit on my couch and bullshit for an hour. 0.98

03:14:01.000 Yeah, man. 0.98

03:14:02.000 And I'm on the road.

03:14:03.000 I'm on the road.

03:14:05.000 So, DanSoder.com.

03:14:06.000 Beautiful.

03:14:07.000 I'll be out there.

03:14:07.000 You will.

03:14:08.000 Thanks, brother.

03:14:08.000 Appreciate you.

03:14:09.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 01, 2024

Joe Rogan Experience #2112 - Dan Soder

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