The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2124 - Dave Attell & Ian Fidance

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:12.000 Gentlemen, good to see you.

00:00:14.000 Joe, thanks for having us.

00:00:16.000 Thank you so much.

00:00:17.000 My pleasure.

00:00:18.000 Thanks for coming to town.

00:00:20.000 Everybody's very excited.

00:00:21.000 I'm excited, dude.

00:00:22.000 Playing the club.

00:00:23.000 Had to bring in Ian.

00:00:24.000 Super fan of the show.

00:00:26.000 Thanks, Ian.

00:00:27.000 I'm a fan of you, dude. 1.00

00:00:29.000 You're a funny motherfucker. 0.99

00:00:30.000 Thank you, bro. 1.00

00:00:30.000 It means a lot. 1.00

00:00:31.000 Appreciate it.

00:00:32.000 My pleasure.

00:00:32.000 I'm excited to be at the club, man.

00:00:34.000 It's the fucking best. 0.95

00:00:35.000 Yeah, I'm excited to have you guys. 0.97

00:00:36.000 Everybody's been pumped.

00:00:37.000 We're pumped.

00:00:38.000 It's a stroke fest.

00:00:39.000 But you know what, Joe?

00:00:40.000 I'm in town for the club to hang with you and also to promote a special.

00:00:44.000 What do you think?

00:00:45.000 Yay! 0.99

00:00:49.000 Only I bring one out every other election year.

00:00:52.000 I know.

00:00:52.000 I don't have the turnaround you have, man.

00:00:54.000 You're good.

00:00:54.000 It's okay.

00:00:55.000 When you put them out, they're fucking magic. 0.97

00:00:58.000 Skanks for the Memories is still one of my all-time favorite comedy albums. 0.99

00:01:01.000 It's a fucking classic. 0.98

00:01:02.000 It's weird when you, I'm sure you have this, where a fan comes up to you and they repeat one of your most horrific jokes, you know, like, hey man, those titties ain't... 0.99

00:01:10.000 I'm like, whoa! 0.95

00:01:12.000 Say it in a corner.

00:01:14.000 Not here.

00:01:14.000 You know what happens to me sometimes?

00:01:15.000 People bring up bits that I totally forgot.

00:01:18.000 Oh, true.

00:01:18.000 I'm like, oh my god, how does that go?

00:01:20.000 I'll have to ask them.

00:01:21.000 How does it go?

00:01:22.000 Oh yeah!

00:01:23.000 What was it on?

00:01:24.000 Yup.

00:01:25.000 That's what it is, man.

00:01:26.000 It's all a blur.

00:01:27.000 But we're old.

00:01:28.000 Yeah.

00:01:28.000 David, we're old now.

00:01:30.000 My mom's been in the hospital, right?

00:01:32.000 I went in there and people thought I was the patient.

00:01:34.000 I was sitting in the room with her and they kept coming over to me.

00:01:37.000 I'm like, her, her.

00:01:39.000 I wish it was a joke.

00:01:40.000 It's not.

00:01:44.000 I've known you for at least 30 years.

00:01:46.000 For sure.

00:01:47.000 Well, it looks better on you than on me, so that's for sure.

00:01:50.000 That's why I brought in my intern to take some of the slack up. 0.53

00:01:53.000 Wait, you guys are the same age?

00:01:56.000 I'm older than you.

00:01:57.000 I'm older than you.

00:01:57.000 How old are you?

00:01:58.000 59. I'm 56. Okay, well there you go.

00:02:01.000 See?

00:02:02.000 Three years ago I looked like that.

00:02:04.000 Now I don't know what happened.

00:02:05.000 I don't know what happened to me.

00:02:07.000 It's all about the maintenance.

00:02:09.000 Well yeah, you put the time in.

00:02:10.000 You gotta keep that maintenance up.

00:02:11.000 I saw it coming a long time ago though.

00:02:14.000 I saw it coming like in my 30s.

00:02:15.000 Yeah, but you never were like this.

00:02:17.000 I mean like you never were.

00:02:18.000 No, I never let myself go.

00:02:19.000 I never let myself go.

00:02:20.000 I'm terrified of it.

00:02:22.000 Really?

00:02:22.000 Yeah, because I've been injured before.

00:02:24.000 I've had a bunch of surgeries.

00:02:25.000 I know what it's like to have things not work good. 0.98

00:02:28.000 I'm like, oh, you've got to do everything you can to make sure the fucking wheels are still on the machine. 0.96

00:02:33.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:02:33.000 If you don't, we all know guys like Patrice. 0.98

00:02:37.000 We lost Patrice. 1.00

00:02:38.000 We all know guys who don't take care of themselves and fucking shit just starts breaking. 1.00

00:02:44.000 They just start falling apart. 1.00

00:02:45.000 I'm glad you brought up Patrice because we've lost a lot of greats.

00:02:48.000 Patrice is the one a lot of people like, you know, super fans always bring up Patrice.

00:02:53.000 What would he do in the age of Ozimpic? 1.00

00:02:55.000 What do you think?

00:02:57.000 Uh...

00:02:59.000 I don't think he would go along with it.

00:03:01.000 I could see him putting it on like a cheeseburger or something.

00:03:05.000 He just was not into it. 0.99

00:03:06.000 I don't give a fuck category. 0.99

00:03:09.000 He's not going to do it. 0.99

00:03:10.000 Brian Simpson got on it for a little while.

00:03:12.000 It was terrible for him.

00:03:13.000 Really?

00:03:13.000 He had a terrible reaction.

00:03:14.000 Wow.

00:03:15.000 And I taught those guys how to eat better. 0.99

00:03:18.000 I'm like, just stop eating all the bullshit, and you'd be amazed at how much better you feel. 1.00

00:03:22.000 What do you think is bullshit, like, in these times? 1.00

00:03:24.000 Bread and carbs. 1.00

00:03:25.000 Really?

00:03:25.000 Not all carbs.

00:03:26.000 Like, vegetables are fantastic for you.

00:03:30.000 I'm not one of those people that thinks that...

00:03:33.000 You should be on any particular diet, because I think diets are different for every person.

00:03:38.000 Some people, vegetarian, vegan, they're fine.

00:03:41.000 Some people, they fall apart. 0.99

00:03:43.000 You gotta figure out what the fuck is right for you. 0.98

00:03:45.000 But for everybody, sugar. 0.99

00:03:47.000 For everybody.

00:03:49.000 Even sweetener.

00:03:50.000 No good?

00:03:51.000 Well, like artificial sweetener. 1.00

00:03:53.000 That kills you, you're a fucking pussy. 1.00

00:03:57.000 Diet Coke takes you out. 1.00

00:03:59.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:04:00.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:04:02.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:04:03.000 I'm not flayed of xylitol. 1.00

00:04:04.000 I think that it's fucking pasta and bread for a lot of people. 0.99

00:04:09.000 I know it is for me. 0.99

00:04:10.000 I over consume calories when I eat that stuff. 0.99

00:04:14.000 Because it's so wonderful to stuff in your fat face. 0.94

00:04:19.000 Lasagna or something. 0.99

00:04:20.000 When's the last time you had a piece of cake?

00:04:23.000 I'll do it every now and then.

00:04:24.000 Once a week or something like that. 0.99

00:04:25.000 I give myself a day where I don't give a shit. 0.99

00:04:27.000 I'll eat pizza. 0.99

00:04:28.000 What is Carbo Loader?

00:04:30.000 Aren't you supposed to do a bunch of that before you do a race or you ride?

00:04:34.000 Yeah, a lot of guys do that.

00:04:37.000 You'd have to talk to endurance athletes about that, but essentially they're just taking in a lot of carbohydrates before ultramarathons and things like that.

00:04:45.000 And then they also have gels.

00:04:47.000 They have these carb gels they'll squirt in their mouth while they're running.

00:04:50.000 Yeah, they're just all about performance.

00:04:52.000 Those folks are all about just trying to squeeze out another Two or three minutes in a 100-mile race.

00:05:00.000 That's crazy.

00:05:01.000 I ride a bike in New York City, so I eat a ton of pasta and I'm riding three miles.

00:05:05.000 I'm like, I got a carbo load.

00:05:07.000 This is important. 0.99

00:05:08.000 Bud, that's a fucking workout, though. 0.99

00:05:10.000 Boy, that's so good for your health, except for the fact that you're breathing in brake dust. 0.99

00:05:14.000 I think that's the least of it in New York.

00:05:16.000 It's kind of like you're driving through a zombie horde.

00:05:22.000 You're peddling and you're also basically like, away!

00:05:26.000 I thought about wearing armor.

00:05:30.000 George of the Light Brigade.

00:05:31.000 I have used my bike chain as, like, a mace.

00:05:34.000 Oh, yeah.

00:05:35.000 He's got some great tangles, by the way.

00:05:39.000 Is it that bad down there?

00:05:41.000 Oh, yeah.

00:05:42.000 I mean, you gotta learn...

00:05:44.000 Sometimes you have to pop off Because cars will turn and they act like you don't exist.

00:05:48.000 So you gotta yell and everything.

00:05:49.000 And a lot of these guys, especially since the pandemic, because everything's food delivery, so they all go down the wrong way.

00:05:55.000 They're all buzzing around you on the side.

00:05:58.000 It's terrible.

00:05:59.000 And this guy caught me on a bad one.

00:06:01.000 I was having a bad day and he was coming at me. 1.00

00:06:03.000 I was like, wrong way, asshole. 1.00

00:06:04.000 And he came up, got in front of me, stopped, and was like, asshole, you're an asshole! 1.00

00:06:09.000 And he smacked my coffee out of my hand. 1.00

00:06:11.000 A white guy?

00:06:12.000 Yeah, it was white.

00:06:14.000 That's why I said something.

00:06:15.000 That southern drawl really gave it away.

00:06:18.000 He sounds like a really privileged guy from the suburbs.

00:06:20.000 No, if it was someone from the Bronx, I would have been like, fair enough.

00:06:24.000 Good for you, sir.

00:06:25.000 I'm wrong.

00:06:26.000 So he climbed out, smacked your coffee. 1.00

00:06:28.000 Yeah, and I spit in his face and then I went down and then he came up again and took his phone out and started to tape me and I was like, you're a fucking pussy, you fucking snitch. 1.00

00:06:40.000 And I took my chain and I was like, you want to be fucking tough? 1.00

00:06:43.000 Let's be tough! 1.00

00:06:44.000 And he was like, crazy!

00:06:45.000 And I rode away and I went, welcome to New York!

00:06:48.000 There's a whole crowd of people watching.

00:06:49.000 That's coming from the guy who just saw Ghostbusters how many times?

00:06:53.000 This guy is a Ghostbuster nut.

00:06:55.000 He's a fanatic.

00:06:56.000 He was probably coached.

00:06:58.000 If anyone gives you a hard time, you'll fim. 1.00

00:07:01.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:02.000 Fim them. 0.99

00:07:02.000 Shame them. 0.99

00:07:04.000 You don't like immigrants. 1.00

00:07:06.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:06.000 Well, no.

00:07:07.000 He was French.

00:07:08.000 That was a terrible French accent. 1.00

00:07:11.000 I didn't get that at all.

00:07:12.000 I didn't get that at all on that one.

00:07:15.000 No, no, no.

00:07:15.000 I made him sound Uzbeki, but he was French.

00:07:18.000 Yeah, but you've got to be careful fighting people from other countries. 1.00

00:07:21.000 They play by different rules.

00:07:22.000 That's true.

00:07:22.000 Oh, yeah.

00:07:22.000 Yeah.

00:07:23.000 You know, you're with a guy, you're tangling, and all of a sudden he pulls out a snake.

00:07:28.000 I got a poisonous viper on me.

00:07:31.000 You know who told me that?

00:07:32.000 This guy I knew from Malaysia.

00:07:34.000 He said, you know, in Malaysia, you know, you go to a bar, and these guys have these rings that are dipped in poison.

00:07:40.000 So, like, you know, you'd be with a guy, and all of a sudden he'll, like, on the back, like that, and they're like, ow, what was that?

00:07:45.000 Like a pinprick?

00:07:46.000 And then you're dead.

00:07:46.000 And then you're dead, like a day later.

00:07:48.000 No. 0.91

00:07:48.000 It's a Malaysian hello. 0.91

00:07:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:07:50.000 Like those spears dipped in shit in Vietnam? 1.00

00:07:53.000 Something like that. 1.00

00:07:54.000 You could probably survive the spear dipped in shit before you could survive the poison. 0.99

00:07:58.000 Yeah, but I was like, Malaysia, wow. 1.00

00:08:00.000 Tough scene over there.

00:08:04.000 Well, Ian is, you know, what was I going to say?

00:08:07.000 Like, we've been working together for a long time.

00:08:09.000 Yeah.

00:08:10.000 And he's sober, too.

00:08:11.000 You know, so I'm sorry.

00:08:12.000 This is kind of like a bore.

00:08:13.000 But, you know, the sober life on the road is not very cool.

00:08:17.000 You know, the chain smoking and the coffee.

00:08:19.000 That's pretty much it.

00:08:20.000 We go on adventures.

00:08:21.000 We do.

00:08:22.000 Daytime sober adventures.

00:08:23.000 What do you think it would be like?

00:08:25.000 Sober, no coffee, no cigarettes.

00:08:27.000 Oh, I can tell you right now. 0.88

00:08:28.000 Suicide.

00:08:30.000 My plane was delayed, and I hadn't had a coffee in 12 hours.

00:08:33.000 I got that weird headache, you know what I'm talking about?

00:08:35.000 It was like from the front all the way to the back, and I was like, that's coffee withdrawal right there.

00:08:40.000 Well, you also don't drink water.

00:08:42.000 Yeah, water is for, yeah.

00:08:43.000 You only drink coffee?

00:08:45.000 Pretty much, yeah.

00:08:46.000 Dehydration is mine.

00:08:48.000 Yeah, I'm like, here's a water, David.

00:08:50.000 Oh my God.

00:08:50.000 He just doesn't want it.

00:08:51.000 Oh my god, it's really, yeah, that's like the least you can do for your body, and I'm like, nah, I don't think so.

00:08:56.000 Well, those connecting flights are hell when you can't smoke cigarettes.

00:09:00.000 It's like an eight-hour connecting flight, then you gotta smoke in the family bathroom at the airport.

00:09:05.000 There's only one airport where you can smoke, and that's Vegas, I think.

00:09:08.000 Is that the only one that has a booth?

00:09:10.000 It has that weird, yeah, like...

00:09:12.000 That coffin room?

00:09:13.000 Yeah, that kind of...

00:09:14.000 Can you smoke in the Nashville airport, too?

00:09:16.000 I don't think so.

00:09:17.000 Bro, that is the wildest thing they ever did.

00:09:19.000 Give you a box where you can do drugs in.

00:09:22.000 Oh, yeah.

00:09:22.000 Just there's a...

00:09:23.000 Get in there.

00:09:24.000 Yeah. 0.80

00:09:24.000 Because it's gonna fuck up everybody else, so get in there so you don't fuck it up for everybody else. 0.80

00:09:28.000 Get your little cage. 0.98

00:09:28.000 Live it up. 0.98

00:09:29.000 Little rat. 1.00

00:09:29.000 Well, the crazy thing is you used to be able to smoke on the fucking plane. 1.00

00:09:32.000 Yes. 0.99

00:09:33.000 I remember it clearly when I was a kid.

00:09:36.000 Dice used to have a bit about it.

00:09:38.000 Really?

00:09:38.000 The smoking section!

00:09:40.000 We're on a fucking tube! 1.00

00:09:44.000 It's all the same air! 1.00

00:09:49.000 They had a fucking smoking section. 1.00

00:09:51.000 I tried doing that joke today. 1.00

00:09:53.000 People are like, what?

00:09:54.000 Smoking on a plane?

00:09:55.000 Even smoking jokes.

00:09:56.000 People are like, what are you talking about?

00:09:57.000 I thought smoking was back.

00:09:58.000 I thought all the scenesters, the posers are into smoking cigarettes now because vaping became too mainstream.

00:10:04.000 That's what I've heard in New York, like smoking in a restaurant, smoking in a bar somewhere.

00:10:10.000 It's kind of like a retro, kind of a look how cool I am.

00:10:14.000 Well, it's trading the moment for the future.

00:10:17.000 True, that is true.

00:10:18.000 But I was just in a hospital with old people. 1.00

00:10:20.000 There's not much future.

00:10:21.000 You want that moment.

00:10:23.000 You trade that moment for like a decay.

00:10:26.000 A certain amount of decay you're going to experience in your future.

00:10:29.000 Yeah, I'll take it.

00:10:31.000 You've got to live in the moment.

00:10:33.000 Sure, until you can't.

00:10:35.000 Well, I'm telling you, I was just around a lot of old people.

00:10:38.000 Like the woman next to my mom in the hospital, 100 years old.

00:10:42.000 No.

00:10:42.000 And she was no Betty White, by the way.

00:10:44.000 It was like, we peeked through the curtain.

00:10:47.000 It's like, hi!

00:10:48.000 And it was just like eyes over an oxygen mask glaring at us.

00:10:52.000 Like, whoa, okay, we get it.

00:10:54.000 I'll see you at the hardware store in heaven.

00:10:56.000 She was done.

00:11:00.000 She was done.

00:11:03.000 You're going to live forever.

00:11:04.000 I mean, we all know that.

00:11:05.000 That's not possible.

00:11:06.000 Come on.

00:11:06.000 No one's living forever.

00:11:07.000 But my goal is just to stay healthy.

00:11:10.000 Just keep it moving.

00:11:12.000 Keep it moving.

00:11:13.000 Make sure it moves good.

00:11:14.000 Would you eventually segue from a less strenuous workout, you know what I'm saying, like when you get older?

00:11:20.000 Not unless I have to.

00:11:21.000 Like a Tai Chi in a park?

00:11:23.000 Nothing like that?

00:11:23.000 I get to do a Tai Chi in a park.

00:11:25.000 Tai Chi in a park makes it look like you read a lot.

00:11:31.000 You know, you're like really into esoteric things.

00:11:33.000 True.

00:11:34.000 You're out there moving slow in the park, doing an ancient kung fu. 0.98

00:11:39.000 In New York, that's called methadone.

00:11:41.000 People just like in their own like world.

00:11:44.000 I used to go to this pool hall and the methadone clinic was right down the street.

00:11:49.000 And so my friend Johnny used to call them the methadonians. 0.53

00:11:52.000 They'd come in, they'd get their dose and they'd just come in and play pool and they were like...

00:11:56.000 That's the best.

00:11:57.000 For sure, they were high.

00:11:59.000 This idea that methadone is like, that's what stops you from using heroin.

00:12:03.000 Right, right.

00:12:04.000 But it also gets you high, right?

00:12:06.000 Yeah, I know guys who are addicted to methadone.

00:12:10.000 And what I was going to say, that you can take with just a pill, right?

00:12:14.000 Isn't that what that is?

00:12:14.000 You can drink it, too.

00:12:15.000 You can?

00:12:16.000 Yeah.

00:12:16.000 Wow.

00:12:18.000 And suboxone is the same thing.

00:12:20.000 I had a guy come in and explain that on the podcast once.

00:12:23.000 He actually ran a clinic at one point in time, and he was explaining how they're just getting you hooked on these other things, and these other things also get you high.

00:12:31.000 Yeah.

00:12:32.000 Yeah.

00:12:33.000 Have you done it before?

00:12:34.000 No.

00:12:34.000 Suboxone?

00:12:35.000 No, no.

00:12:36.000 But, I mean, it's just like...

00:12:37.000 I've heard mixed reviews, though.

00:12:40.000 Some people say it doesn't do that to you.

00:12:42.000 Well, I mean, it's like whatever gets you off the thing that's killing you, you know, it's like harm reduction, but eventually you've got to get off that if you want to be, like, totally sober.

00:12:49.000 My understanding is that methadone is just as bad, if not worse, for you.

00:12:54.000 Really?

00:12:54.000 I don't think it's good for you.

00:12:56.000 I mean, my cousin's on it.

00:12:57.000 She's doing great.

00:13:00.000 Well, there you go.

00:13:01.000 What more do you need?

00:13:02.000 I think Dr. Carl Hart told me. 0.99

00:13:04.000 I think that the problem with fucking any opiates is your body develops a tolerance, and then you go rush Limbaugh. 0.99

00:13:13.000 Rush was taking like 99 pills a day or something crazy. 0.99

00:13:17.000 He went deaf from it, supposedly.

00:13:19.000 Jesus Christ.

00:13:21.000 I didn't know that about him. 1.00

00:13:23.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:13:24.000 Homeboy was going hard. 1.00

00:13:26.000 He was made by him. 0.92

00:13:28.000 You know, just like, excellence in broadcasting. 0.98

00:13:30.000 I just imagined him just fucking blasted out of his mind. 0.97

00:13:34.000 90. Wandering around his house. 0.99

00:13:36.000 Yelling the most horrific things.

00:13:38.000 On opiates.

00:13:40.000 It's kind of the life. 1.00

00:13:41.000 Rubberband around his balls. 1.00

00:13:42.000 Just fucking out to lunch. 1.00

00:13:47.000 Painkillers may have caused Limbaugh's deafness. 0.99

00:13:49.000 Why?

00:13:50.000 I didn't know that.

00:13:51.000 Could a common painkiller, taken in massive quantities by the way, contributed to Rush Limbaugh's well-known hearing loss?

00:13:59.000 Research findings suggest that the radio talk show host apparent addiction to Vicodin could be the culprit behind his mysterious attack of deafness two years ago Doctors over the past several years have reported dozens of cases of Vicodin addicts who become deaf and in some cases only regain their hearing with the help of cochlear implants such as the one Received by Limbaugh.

00:14:21.000 It's pretty clear that there's an association, says Dr. Jeffrey Harris, an ear specialist at the University of California San Diego Medical School.

00:14:27.000 The ear is sensitive to drugs, and this particular association with Vicodin has become more relevant as people are getting their hands on it as a recreational drug.

00:14:36.000 How many did he take at the height of his pilliness?

00:14:40.000 Find that because I think it was really nutty.

00:14:43.000 I think he was in the 90s.

00:14:46.000 A day?

00:14:47.000 A day.

00:14:49.000 I took 90 in a week and I was flying high.

00:14:52.000 I can't imagine a day.

00:14:53.000 I believe it was Vicodin that I took once.

00:14:55.000 When I had knee surgery.

00:14:58.000 I was like, I'd rather be in pain. 1.00

00:15:00.000 I feel so stupid. 0.83

00:15:03.000 But then I had a buddy of mine who was a musician, and he said he would take it and it would really help with his creativity when he's writing songs. 0.98

00:15:10.000 Really?

00:15:10.000 Wow.

00:15:11.000 Sounds like an excuse.

00:15:13.000 But I think it's a thing.

00:15:14.000 Well, definitely a crutch, right?

00:15:16.000 But I think it's a thing where it's different for different people.

00:15:19.000 Like for Stanhope, weed is horrific.

00:15:22.000 Yeah.

00:15:22.000 No, he's not a weed guy.

00:15:23.000 He can't do it.

00:15:24.000 He's an OG drunk.

00:15:26.000 Right.

00:15:26.000 But for me, weed is like, this is wonderful.

00:15:28.000 I love it.

00:15:30.000 Everything's great.

00:15:30.000 But I just think it's...

00:15:32.000 I think the diversity of how the differences in people's chemistry is very underappreciated in terms of tolerance to food, in terms of...

00:15:45.000 How much you can exercise, what kind of diseases you're gonna get.

00:15:50.000 It's biodiversity, man.

00:15:52.000 Well, you gotta try it to find out. 0.93

00:15:53.000 Yeah, we're all fucking different. 0.98

00:15:54.000 Any one-size-fits-all, get the fuck out of here with that. 1.00

00:15:58.000 That doesn't work with people. 0.84

00:16:00.000 We're so different.

00:16:01.000 We're almost like a bunch of different species all smushed up together. 0.60

00:16:05.000 Yeah.

00:16:06.000 When I had a shoulder surgery, they gave me a pain blocker.

00:16:09.000 Have you ever had one of those?

00:16:10.000 No.

00:16:11.000 It lasts about 12 hours, and it just blocks the nerve.

00:16:15.000 Oh, I have when I had surgery.

00:16:16.000 Yeah, when I had surgery.

00:16:17.000 So I'm like, why hasn't that gotten recreational?

00:16:20.000 Because it was awesome.

00:16:21.000 I was walking around like, I don't even feel like I had surgery.

00:16:23.000 Is it an epidural where they go into your spine?

00:16:25.000 Is that what you're saying?

00:16:25.000 No, no.

00:16:26.000 They just put something on it, I think.

00:16:28.000 No, no, no.

00:16:29.000 You're right.

00:16:30.000 It was in me, and then it dissolved or something like that.

00:16:33.000 No, with an epidural, it's like a spine block.

00:16:36.000 Okay.

00:16:36.000 So they do it.

00:16:37.000 It's like if you want to be conscious.

00:16:38.000 Like I was conscious when I got my knee operated on.

00:16:40.000 So they basically paralyzed me below the waist.

00:16:43.000 Wow, that's scary.

00:16:44.000 And then it was wild.

00:16:45.000 Why would you want that?

00:16:46.000 I wanted to see it.

00:16:47.000 Because I wanted to see what the surgery looked like.

00:16:49.000 I wanted to see my knee being pulled apart and screwed in together.

00:16:53.000 Like they said I could watch it.

00:16:55.000 Couldn't you just watch it later?

00:16:56.000 No, no, no.

00:16:57.000 Well, this was 1990, whatever it was.

00:17:00.000 And so, you know, I said, what are the options?

00:17:02.000 And the doctor said, well, most people, we just put them under.

00:17:05.000 I go, but why would you not put them under?

00:17:08.000 And he said, because sometimes people want to be awake.

00:17:11.000 And I said, well, what happens if you're awake?

00:17:13.000 Like, can I watch?

00:17:14.000 And he's like, yeah.

00:17:15.000 And I go, okay, let's do that.

00:17:17.000 I want to see it.

00:17:18.000 So you could talk and everything while you were doing it?

00:17:20.000 Yeah, I could.

00:17:20.000 Wow.

00:17:21.000 And you didn't feel any panic?

00:17:23.000 Mm-mm.

00:17:24.000 No, it was interesting. 0.99

00:17:25.000 It was interesting because I didn't feel any pain, so I was watching the doctor screw it in and hammer it and fucking... 1.00

00:17:31.000 Oh, man. 0.98

00:17:32.000 I was like, woof!

00:17:33.000 Did at any point where you're like, am I dead?

00:17:35.000 No.

00:17:36.000 No.

00:17:36.000 No, the doctor was awesome.

00:17:38.000 It wasn't out of body?

00:17:39.000 No, no, no.

00:17:40.000 Because you're essentially sitting there.

00:17:43.000 I think the way I was seeing it was on a monitor, if I remember correctly.

00:17:47.000 I think they had a cotton shield in front of me, and my legs were there, and then I was looking up at a monitor, if I remember correctly.

00:17:56.000 It's a long time ago.

00:17:57.000 It's hard to remember.

00:17:58.000 And you didn't get sick.

00:17:58.000 But I do remember him manipulating my leg and moving it around.

00:18:02.000 It was fucked. 0.99

00:18:03.000 I didn't have an ACL. Wow. 1.00

00:18:05.000 And it's a pretty serious operation because they have to take a piece of your patella tendon with a chunk of bone from your shin and a chunk of bone from your kneecap and they pull that out and then they put it inside your knee and screw it in place.

00:18:20.000 Wow.

00:18:21.000 Just the sounds alone would have creeped me out.

00:18:23.000 It's crazy.

00:18:24.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:18:25.000 When you hear the bone crunching because the fucking screw is going into it, you're like, I want him to knock me out at the dentist. 0.99

00:18:33.000 I can't imagine ACL surgery. 0.99

00:18:36.000 And then afterwards he was manipulating it too.

00:18:38.000 Like afterwards, I was watching him move it around.

00:18:40.000 And what was the recovery on that?

00:18:42.000 Like how long?

00:18:42.000 It took a long time.

00:18:43.000 I'm sure.

00:18:44.000 Yeah, that's a long one because there's so much trauma going on there.

00:18:47.000 I think that took like a year before my knee felt normal.

00:18:50.000 The knee is harder than the shoulder, right?

00:18:52.000 No, the shoulder's very hard.

00:18:54.000 Very hard.

00:18:54.000 Because the shoulder moves all over the place.

00:18:57.000 Oh, okay.

00:18:57.000 This is the only thing I could find.

00:18:59.000 When he was arrested, they had over 2,000 plus painkillers in his system.

00:19:05.000 In his system or on them?

00:19:06.000 His housekeeper claims that he did over 30 oxys a day.

00:19:10.000 But that's oxys.

00:19:12.000 That's not Vicodin.

00:19:12.000 See, that's what they gave me after my surgery.

00:19:14.000 He had hydrocodone, Loracet.

00:19:16.000 Oh, he had everything!

00:19:18.000 Norcan.

00:19:18.000 He had a few things.

00:19:19.000 Oh, which hydrocodone can cause hearing loss, it says.

00:19:24.000 Wow.

00:19:24.000 Imagine, like, what a hell that is, too, when you're a guy who has headphones on for a living.

00:19:31.000 And your pill thing is so wacky.

00:19:35.000 You can't stop. 1.00

00:19:36.000 It's so wacky you can't stop, to the point where your fucking hearing goes away. 0.98

00:19:40.000 Yeah, but you're feeling so good, just with that oxy itch and everything, and then one day you can't hear. 0.99

00:19:46.000 What a nightmare.

00:19:47.000 I don't think you're feeling good, dude.

00:19:49.000 But he's probably got like five doctors to write those scripts like that because, I mean, honestly, isn't it illegal to like...

00:19:54.000 Well, he was living in Florida.

00:19:56.000 Oh, that's during the pill mill.

00:19:58.000 Yeah.

00:19:58.000 That's like the pill mill.

00:20:00.000 That's a great doc on Netflix that the guys were making all that money just selling like fake, you know, like it was just like anybody, people coming in at Kentucky, like, hey, I got a, I got a bursitis.

00:20:10.000 Okay, here you go.

00:20:11.000 That's my friend Mariana Van Zeller. 0.68

00:20:13.000 It's the Oxycontin Express. 0.91

00:20:15.000 That lady, that lady's a gangster. 1.00

00:20:18.000 But she exposed the whole thing where they don't have a database.

00:20:22.000 So you can go from one place.

00:20:23.000 They're basically pain management centers.

00:20:25.000 Do you remember those?

00:20:26.000 Yeah, it's all done now.

00:20:27.000 It's crazy.

00:20:28.000 Okay, Mr. Limbaugh and I have maintained from the start that there was no doctor shopping, and when we continue to hold this position, Mr. Black said, I love how he says that just that way.

00:20:39.000 Like, he's giving up the fact that he's playing a game.

00:20:42.000 We continue to hold this position.

00:20:46.000 You're playing a chess game!

00:20:48.000 You're literally, like, saying it in what you're saying.

00:20:50.000 There's no doctor shopping.

00:20:51.000 I don't know what you're talking about!

00:20:53.000 But maybe back, like he had to be doing this for years and years and years, right?

00:20:57.000 Yeah, if he's getting 2,000 pills, you're going doctor shopping.

00:21:00.000 Or you're buying it from a drug dealer.

00:21:02.000 It's one of those two options.

00:21:04.000 Yeah, but when you have endless money, you just buy on any doctor.

00:21:07.000 So what you do is you go to the pain management center.

00:21:11.000 You go and you say, I'm in pain.

00:21:13.000 And they go, oh, we'll write you a prescription for drugs.

00:21:15.000 And you go right next door to a pharmacy that only sells Oxycontin.

00:21:21.000 It was the Oxycontin Express.

00:21:23.000 And then they would buy them from one doctor and go to another doctor, and they would just get bags of pills, fill their trunk up, and drive to Kentucky.

00:21:30.000 Yeah, and it was off 95, so they would just go from Florida up to Philly, Delaware, New York, Baltimore.

00:21:36.000 Bro, how many cars made that trip before they started figuring out what was going on?

00:21:40.000 And the pharmaceutical drug companies knew it, so they just kept selling it.

00:21:44.000 There was some nutty statistic at one point in time.

00:21:48.000 Where Florida had like 1,000 times more people who had been dropped than anywhere else in the world. 0.99

00:21:56.000 I'm making that number up, but it was some nutty number where you're like, what in fucking God's name are you people doing? 0.97

00:22:03.000 How is that not like an anomaly? 0.98

00:22:05.000 It just shows up like this one state has an insane amount of prescription.

00:22:09.000 Like, is there some pain in that state? 1.00

00:22:11.000 Maybe we should move people out of that fucking state. 1.00

00:22:14.000 We've got the blues. 1.00

00:22:16.000 Yeah.

00:22:17.000 Kentucky.

00:22:17.000 Bluegrass.

00:22:18.000 No, but I like the parking lot.

00:22:20.000 Did you see in the documentary the most vagrant, just redneck, just basically screeching around? 1.00

00:22:27.000 And then the doctors themselves were armed because they were so afraid.

00:22:30.000 Oh, those doctors are dealing with zombies. 1.00

00:22:32.000 If somebody runs dry of money and no one wants their dick sucked, you're going to get jumped. 1.00

00:22:37.000 I mean, definitely on the way out. 1.00

00:22:39.000 It's like In-N-Out in Oakland.

00:22:41.000 I mean, it's anybody's...

00:22:43.000 Jesus Christ.

00:22:44.000 There's a book called Dreamland that talks about the pill crisis and everything and how it started with black tar heroin coming in from Naira, Mexico and everything.

00:22:54.000 And there were houses in Ohio that people would line up with stolen goods and trade chainsaws for pills.

00:23:01.000 And then they would take those goods from Home Depot and sell them back to make more money to buy pills.

00:23:06.000 Oh my God.

00:23:08.000 Like a pill economy.

00:23:09.000 I don't know what to say.

00:23:11.000 You know, there's many wars connected to that too.

00:23:14.000 The conspiracies about Vietnam always had something to do with heroin.

00:23:19.000 And the conspiracy about Afghanistan...

00:23:22.000 Oh, with the opium?

00:23:25.000 We were guarding opium fields.

00:23:27.000 We were guarding poppy fields.

00:23:30.000 The United States troops were guarding poppy fields.

00:23:33.000 And they had Geraldo Rivera go over there to gaslight America about it.

00:23:38.000 And they played it on TV. Now tell me, why are you guarding this heroin?

00:23:42.000 Well, we have to guard the heroin, otherwise the local people won't like us.

00:23:47.000 Like, oh, makes sense.

00:23:49.000 Back to you, tetan!

00:23:50.000 That they had to do it from the Taliban or something?

00:23:53.000 Yeah.

00:23:54.000 Well, that was how...

00:23:56.000 What's the truth and what's the story are two very different things. 1.00

00:24:02.000 They were fucking selling heroin! 0.99

00:24:03.000 Heroin production went up after we invaded by some fucking insane number. 1.00

00:24:09.000 And then these guys are like, we need you to guard this heroin. 0.98

00:24:13.000 Of course!

00:24:14.000 We're here to guard it! 1.00

00:24:16.000 So they send fucking soldiers over there to guard heroin. 1.00

00:24:20.000 Look at Geraldo's big fucking silly smile. 1.00

00:24:23.000 Hi, everybody! 1.00

00:24:25.000 I'm in a war!

00:24:26.000 With a big smile! 0.99

00:24:28.000 Silly this. 0.99

00:24:30.000 He's trying to... 0.98

00:24:30.000 The smile is to let everybody know that everything's fine. 0.98

00:24:34.000 This is nothing to be concerned with.

00:24:36.000 And this is right around the time when opium and Oxycontin was just flowing in the country.

00:24:41.000 But look at even the way he's performatively shaking this guy's hand in front of the camera like he hasn't met this guy before. 0.99

00:24:47.000 The whole thing is such a fucking charade. 0.99

00:24:50.000 Fighting the opium trade by guarding the heroin! 1.00

00:24:57.000 Imagine the fucking gaslighting, fighting the opium trade while guarding the heroin field so that they can make heroin. 1.00

00:25:07.000 The poppy fields only make heroin. 1.00

00:25:11.000 There's no tomatoes in there.

00:25:14.000 How are you fighting the opium trade by guarding the heroin and ensuring the production?

00:25:35.000 Hit the brakes.

00:25:39.000 The government became a drug dealer. 1.00

00:25:41.000 One fucking hundred percent. 0.99

00:25:43.000 There's no way they're doing that unless they're making some. 0.99

00:25:46.000 The alternative is pumpkins.

00:25:48.000 We thought maybe a pumpkin patch in here.

00:25:50.000 Once a year.

00:25:51.000 How about a Christmas tree farm?

00:25:53.000 I know it goes against the culture, but...

00:25:56.000 If we just tie pumpkin season right, we're going to make a killing, boys.

00:26:00.000 Now, the Vietnam thing is interesting because I know my cousin who was in Vietnam, he came back and he had a heroin problem.

00:26:05.000 But in actual Vietnam, they don't make heroin.

00:26:08.000 It's Laos, right?

00:26:09.000 Yeah.

00:26:09.000 It's the trade routes.

00:26:10.000 So there you go.

00:26:11.000 It's in that zone, that triangle.

00:26:13.000 It's controlling the area.

00:26:15.000 You know, like there's so many conspiracies about what the real reason why they lied and made up a false attack to get us to go into Vietnam, but almost always it's money.

00:26:27.000 Almost always.

00:26:29.000 There's no way they do anything like that unless someone's making money.

00:26:32.000 That's what they did then, that's what they do now.

00:26:34.000 Now, if you're making money the legal ways, you know, through like selling weaponry and doing all the stuff that we do, But then you realize that there's all this extra money being made here that you're not getting a piece of.

00:26:47.000 Right. 0.99

00:26:48.000 If there's trillions of dollars in heroin coming from a place, you're going to be like, hey, this is kind of bullshit. 1.00

00:26:53.000 I'm tired of selling you fuckers tanks. 1.00

00:26:57.000 I want a piece of this heroin money! 1.00

00:26:59.000 And that, look, this is like so well documented in our country.

00:27:03.000 That's literally what the Iran-Contra affair was about.

00:27:06.000 That's when we funded the war, the Sandinistas versus the Contras in Nicaragua.

00:27:11.000 That's Oliver North. 0.98

00:27:13.000 I mean, that's fucking Freeway Ricky Ross was selling him the coke. 0.99

00:27:16.000 Yeah, but we have to invade them because they hate our freedom. 0.99

00:27:19.000 That is important.

00:27:21.000 I'm glad you're looking at it that way, Ian, because what's really important is framing it in a way that the common person can understand. 0.99

00:27:28.000 I know this seems like tyranny to you, and there's a bunch of fucking murderous drug dealers at the helm of the wheel. 0.98

00:27:34.000 But that's not the case. 0.99

00:27:37.000 What about fentanyl?

00:27:38.000 What do you think of that?

00:27:39.000 Oh, I love it.

00:27:39.000 It's got legs.

00:27:42.000 I wish it was in and everything. 0.99

00:27:44.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:27:46.000 That's out of China, right? 1.00

00:27:47.000 Well, they need the precursors.

00:27:49.000 The precursors apparently are coming from China.

00:27:51.000 Again, China's like, listen, are they buying?

00:27:54.000 Then we're selling!

00:27:56.000 Isn't this their plan to win the 100-year war?

00:27:59.000 To get us back with opium?

00:28:00.000 They are way ahead of schedule.

00:28:03.000 Those guys are killing it. 1.00

00:28:04.000 They're fucking killing it. 1.00

00:28:05.000 They're killing it with TikTok. 1.00

00:28:06.000 I think TikTok accelerated everything.

00:28:08.000 Yeah, TikTok is the new opium.

00:28:10.000 Yeah, it really is.

00:28:12.000 It basically is.

00:28:13.000 And that's our TikTok.

00:28:14.000 Their TikTok is all like, you know, it's good.

00:28:17.000 Their TikTok is science prize, martial arts.

00:28:21.000 Yeah.

00:28:22.000 Are you a child?

00:28:23.000 Be sexy and dance.

00:28:25.000 I was like, what?

00:28:26.000 Yeah, drag queens are fun. 1.00

00:28:28.000 They must be really...

00:28:30.000 I'm a teacher. 1.00

00:28:31.000 You need to know how I fuck. 1.00

00:28:34.000 What? 1.00

00:28:34.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:28:35.000 I'm non-binary.

00:28:37.000 So you must use these pronouns.

00:28:39.000 And the kids are like, how many pronouns are there?

00:28:40.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:28:41.000 What the fuck? 0.99

00:28:43.000 I've never been to China. 1.00

00:28:45.000 I know guys who've toured through there.

00:28:46.000 I can only imagine what those shows are like.

00:28:48.000 I mean...

00:28:49.000 I guess you do it for the expats.

00:28:50.000 It's not like the locals are dying for American comedy over there. 1.00

00:28:53.000 They will fucking put you in the ground if you talk some shit over there. 1.00

00:28:58.000 Oh yeah, no. 1.00

00:28:59.000 You can't go over there and just get drunk and do comedy. 1.00

00:29:02.000 They will put you in the fucking ground. 0.99

00:29:04.000 But you know how, like, when you do, like, a town and you always make fun of the other town, like, to get those people on your side, like, hey, I'm in Pittsburgh, what about that, you know, Scranton, am I right? 1.00

00:29:13.000 Come on, they suck. 0.96

00:29:14.000 I'm kidding. 1.00

00:29:15.000 But, you know, that's the thing, like, who do they make fun of?

00:29:18.000 I guess us.

00:29:18.000 That would be really, it's just like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm coming from America with our, you know, different branches of government.

00:29:24.000 I wish we had just one guy. 0.98

00:29:27.000 You're one guy, you can get shit done. 0.99

00:29:29.000 You can really get some shit done. 0.98

00:29:31.000 Because what you do is you make sure that the businesses are on the same page as the government. 0.99

00:29:34.000 The government owns the businesses.

00:29:36.000 They're all together.

00:29:37.000 You're all part of it.

00:29:38.000 You can't make a decision without them.

00:29:40.000 That way we're all working the greater good of the country.

00:29:42.000 You're gonna make plenty of money.

00:29:44.000 We're all working the greater good of the country.

00:29:46.000 And it's a weird hybrid of communism and commerce.

00:29:51.000 That's what changed when China figured out, oh no, we need to have competition so people need to be able to make money. 1.00

00:29:56.000 Let them make money, but we'll still let them run shit. 1.00

00:29:59.000 And then I think America was like, I like what she's wearing. 1.00

00:30:05.000 She looks good.

00:30:07.000 Yeah, I want that dress.

00:30:09.000 I think it's that.

00:30:11.000 That's what I think it is. 1.00

00:30:12.000 And I think that's why they're fucking pushing for all this crazy shit today. 0.99

00:30:15.000 People think they're really trying to make the world better for people. 0.99

00:30:18.000 No, they're not. 1.00

00:30:19.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:30:20.000 They're trying to get more control out of you. 1.00

00:30:23.000 When you go overseas, do you perform a tour?

00:30:26.000 What's your favorite spot overseas?

00:30:29.000 I love the UK. I love to go over there.

00:30:32.000 I just love the people.

00:30:33.000 I just love it.

00:30:34.000 They're fun.

00:30:35.000 It's a fun place.

00:30:36.000 I love England.

00:30:36.000 I love Scotland.

00:30:39.000 How about Australia?

00:30:40.000 Have you done that?

00:30:40.000 Yeah, I've done Australia.

00:30:41.000 I love Australia.

00:30:42.000 I've never done that. 0.99

00:30:43.000 They're fun fucking people, man. 0.99

00:30:44.000 They're fun people. 1.00

00:30:45.000 You know, there's a lot of America that's a little uptight.

00:30:48.000 For sure.

00:30:49.000 And also very judgy.

00:30:51.000 A lot.

00:30:52.000 Very judgy and very uptight. 0.99

00:30:54.000 And, you know, I know there's a lot of wokeness in England, too, but, like, good old fucking regular drunk English guys are fun. 0.99

00:31:01.000 I like them. 0.98

00:31:02.000 I like drunk Irish guys. 1.00

00:31:04.000 They're fun.

00:31:05.000 Ireland is good.

00:31:06.000 Yeah, they're fun.

00:31:07.000 Young people there get it. 0.99

00:31:09.000 Young people know what the fuck is going on. 1.00

00:31:10.000 The young people today are on the internet. 0.99

00:31:13.000 And the young people today are paying attention to people that aren't lying. 0.99

00:31:16.000 And they realize, like, oh, we're getting fucked. 1.00

00:31:19.000 Yeah, you've been getting fucked. 1.00

00:31:20.000 We were getting fucked. 1.00

00:31:21.000 We didn't even know we were getting fucked. 0.98

00:31:23.000 Well, I mean, when you go overseas, that's the thing of like, you know, I say sort small, Canada, you know what I'm saying? 0.97

00:31:30.000 Like, you get it going.

00:31:32.000 But it's funny how like they get all of our references, yet they're better people.

00:31:35.000 You know that kind of thing?

00:31:36.000 Canadians?

00:31:36.000 Yeah.

00:31:37.000 No, they're not.

00:31:38.000 I think they are, no. 0.96

00:31:39.000 They're 20% less douchebags in Canada. 0.96

00:31:41.000 How many fights have you seen out of Tim Hortons?

00:31:43.000 That's what I want to know.

00:31:44.000 Exactly.

00:31:45.000 You never see a beatdown.

00:31:46.000 You never see a shooting.

00:31:47.000 I went to a strip club in Calgary, and they used the loonies and toonies, the coins, to get the strippers.

00:31:53.000 And people were like, when you go, make sure you don't warm them up with a lighter.

00:31:58.000 They don't like that.

00:31:59.000 And I'm like, what?

00:32:00.000 They're throwing...

00:32:02.000 Hot coins and strippers? 0.99

00:32:04.000 These are terrible people!

00:32:05.000 This might be what we call, like, sampling bias. 0.94

00:32:08.000 Like, the study that you took of what kind of people Canadians are at a whole was at a strip club.

00:32:14.000 Blanket statement!

00:32:16.000 And where?

00:32:16.000 Where was the strip club?

00:32:18.000 Calgary! 1.00

00:32:20.000 A strip club in a fucking cattle town, a frozen cattle town, in one of the toughest fucking places on earth to live. 1.00

00:32:28.000 I forgot it is a cattle town. 1.00

00:32:31.000 I've got some friends, my friends John and Jen, they live in Edmonton.

00:32:35.000 They live out in Alberta.

00:32:37.000 And it's so cold out there, you can take hot water and throw it in the air and it freezes before it hits the ground.

00:32:46.000 Bro, they get to 50 below, 60 below.

00:32:49.000 A week before I was there, it was negative 30. And then the week I went, it was 32 degrees.

00:32:55.000 And people were like, oh, I'm wearing shorts. 0.99

00:32:57.000 It was fucking nuts. 0.95

00:32:59.000 That's why they're so cool up there. 0.99

00:33:01.000 You have to have discipline to live. 0.99

00:33:05.000 You have to be able to shovel your car out of the fucking snow to stay alive. 1.00

00:33:11.000 To stay alive. 1.00

00:33:12.000 It makes for better people.

00:33:14.000 It makes for more resilient people.

00:33:16.000 People are better when they know how to put on snow tires.

00:33:19.000 Yeah.

00:33:20.000 But this guy in the strip club, honestly, he really, I hate to fink you out or anything, but he really, like, you know how, like, most guys go and they just kind of sit and observe?

00:33:30.000 Yeah.

00:33:30.000 He's part of the action.

00:33:31.000 He immediately runs in, throwing the dollars, spanking an ass. 1.00

00:33:34.000 I'm like, I don't know if you're allowed to do that here, dude. 1.00

00:33:36.000 I don't know, like, where you think you're allowed.

00:33:38.000 He's from Delaware, so I assume that's like a handshake.

00:33:40.000 In Delaware, it's normal. 1.00

00:33:41.000 Yeah, spanking a woman's ass. 1.00

00:33:43.000 Shout out Gold Club. 1.00

00:33:44.000 And they liked it too.

00:33:45.000 They were like, oh, finally a guy who gets us is here.

00:33:47.000 They were like into him.

00:33:48.000 They want to have fun, and most guys just sit there and like, you know.

00:33:53.000 You went up and you put a dollar like you were betting poker.

00:33:56.000 I was like, exchanging money.

00:33:58.000 I was like looking around for the cameras.

00:34:00.000 I'm like, I don't want to be observed doing this.

00:34:02.000 Jesus Christ.

00:34:03.000 But it was really definitely a, that was for Louis Katz's...

00:34:07.000 Bachelor party.

00:34:07.000 Half bachelor party.

00:34:09.000 Half.

00:34:09.000 Because I wasn't going to go to Costa Rica with them.

00:34:12.000 I'm too old for that, you know?

00:34:13.000 Yeah.

00:34:14.000 So it's like Oklahoma.

00:34:16.000 It's like, boy, this night out, the documentary, Dave Attell down there.

00:34:22.000 Costa Rica?

00:34:23.000 Costa Rica is awesome, but the bugs are gigantic.

00:34:26.000 Bro, they have crazy bugs you have never seen before.

00:34:29.000 They're like birds.

00:34:30.000 Really? 1.00

00:34:30.000 They're fucking huge! 1.00

00:34:32.000 I wouldn't be into that. 0.99

00:34:33.000 There's crocodiles there.

00:34:34.000 I went with my family and we went on a crocodile tour.

00:34:37.000 It's crazy, dude.

00:34:39.000 They're crocodiles, right?

00:34:40.000 Oh yeah, real crocodiles.

00:34:41.000 Are they in bayous?

00:34:42.000 Or are they crocodiles?

00:34:43.000 Well, it's like rivers and I don't know what you would call it.

00:34:46.000 I guess you could call it a bayou.

00:34:47.000 I think bayou is like an American term.

00:34:48.000 Isn't it a French term?

00:34:50.000 Yes, it is.

00:34:51.000 It's a French term that they use for Cajun country.

00:34:52.000 CCR term.

00:34:53.000 Yeah.

00:34:56.000 That's a jam.

00:34:58.000 But so we're in this boat, right?

00:35:00.000 And my kids are young at the time.

00:35:02.000 And I'm like, don't go near there.

00:35:03.000 Don't go near there.

00:35:03.000 Every time they go near the edge, one of them is a little daredevil.

00:35:06.000 And she likes to lean over the edge. 1.00

00:35:08.000 I'm like, come on, you fucking thrill seeker. 1.00

00:35:10.000 These are real dinosaurs, man. 0.99

00:35:12.000 And so we watch this one slide into the water.

00:35:15.000 So there's a bunch of them on the deck, on the banks, rather.

00:35:19.000 And they're sunning themselves.

00:35:21.000 And you see these...

00:35:22.000 15 feet crocodiles just sunning themselves.

00:35:25.000 This is so creepy.

00:35:26.000 And then they slide into the water.

00:35:28.000 You're like, Jesus!

00:35:31.000 They're under us!

00:35:32.000 They're in the boat!

00:35:34.000 And I'm like, this is such a bad idea.

00:35:35.000 And all my father instincts are kicking in.

00:35:37.000 I'm like, don't go near.

00:35:38.000 Don't go there.

00:35:39.000 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

00:35:40.000 You're like road rage times a hundred. 1.00

00:35:42.000 You're fucking freaking, man. 1.00

00:35:45.000 If one of them falls in, you're gonna go in, too. 1.00

00:35:47.000 You have to go in.

00:35:48.000 You have to go in.

00:35:48.000 You can't leave them.

00:35:49.000 You have to go in and you have to throw them onto the fucking boat and then you gotta figure out how to get up because the crocodile's gonna hear the splashing. 0.99

00:35:58.000 Oh, Jesus! 1.00

00:36:00.000 Wow.

00:36:00.000 It's so scary.

00:36:02.000 How about the ocean there, too?

00:36:04.000 That's another one where it's amazing, but there's a lot of sharks.

00:36:07.000 Oh, they have a lot of sharks down there?

00:36:08.000 That's what I heard.

00:36:08.000 Really?

00:36:09.000 It's a big shark thing.

00:36:10.000 Well, down in Florida, down in the Keys, they have so many bull sharks that there's a bunch of videos of guys fishing, and they're just trying to get the fish in as quick as they can because the bull sharks come along and just fuck those fish up.

00:36:24.000 Wow.

00:36:26.000 There's bull sharks everywhere down there. 0.99

00:36:28.000 So many that you're allowed to kill them and cook them. 0.82

00:36:31.000 Really? 1.00

00:36:31.000 Yes! 1.00

00:36:32.000 You can go bull shark fishing?

00:36:33.000 You can go bull shark fishing in the Keys in Florida.

00:36:36.000 What does that taste like?

00:36:37.000 How many bull sharks are you allowed to take?

00:36:40.000 I think you're allowed to take like one a year or something like that.

00:36:42.000 But people go fishing for bull sharks.

00:36:44.000 How big do they get?

00:36:45.000 And people get mad at them.

00:36:46.000 You're killing sharks! 1.00

00:36:47.000 Because of the propaganda of the fucking shark's fin soup. 1.00

00:36:51.000 Oh, right. 1.00

00:36:52.000 Because people don't understand the size of the globe.

00:36:54.000 And they think that sharks are endangered.

00:36:56.000 But not there, they're not!

00:36:58.000 No. 0.99

00:36:58.000 They might not be over there, wherever the fuck they've been killing them and taking their fins off. 0.99

00:37:02.000 But in Florida, there's a lot of them. 1.00

00:37:05.000 Does it fuck up the ecosystem, though, if they kill too many of them? 0.99

00:37:07.000 Sure, yeah. 0.91

00:37:08.000 But we're killing too many fish.

00:37:10.000 The problem is, it's not just we, the human race.

00:37:15.000 We've depleted the ocean by something around 90% of all the big fish.

00:37:21.000 And then they told us that plastic straws are the problem. 1.00

00:37:23.000 So every time I go to a coffee shop, it sucks ass. 1.00

00:37:26.000 Here it is. 0.99

00:37:27.000 Bull sharks are harvestable in Florida with a 54-inch minimum size limit and one per person per day.

00:37:33.000 Oh, not per year, per day.

00:37:34.000 That's how many they have of them.

00:37:36.000 The world record is from Stewart, Florida with 501 pounds, 92 inches.

00:37:42.000 Yikes! 1.00

00:37:42.000 The maximum size is about 13 feet with the matures at approximately 14 to 18 years of age. 1.00

00:37:49.000 She's a teenager.

00:37:50.000 Bull sharks are responsible for almost all of the different shark attacks out there.

00:37:54.000 They like to bump and bite, meaning they bump their prey and attack it while it's trying to figure out what just hit them.

00:38:00.000 Just like you, Ian.

00:38:03.000 Bump and bite. 0.66

00:38:05.000 That's a strip club strategy. 1.00

00:38:06.000 Bull shark! 0.80

00:38:08.000 They use cut stingrays for bait year-round and our heaviest rods and tackle gear.

00:38:12.000 No doubt you'll get a great show and fight if you catch a bull shark.

00:38:16.000 Would you ever go bull shark fishing?

00:38:17.000 I'm not a fishing guy, but I wish I was into that.

00:38:20.000 Like, I like all the gear they have to buy.

00:38:21.000 I like that when you go into, like, a Dick's and you see, like, that whole wall for, like, you know, the right anglers and all that kind of the lures and all that kind of...

00:38:28.000 I don't know, but I'm not into it.

00:38:29.000 But you wouldn't go?

00:38:30.000 I would go, but I'm not really...

00:38:32.000 Fishing is awesome.

00:38:33.000 This is one of the things that Jamie just pointed out.

00:38:35.000 One of the crazy things about bull sharks is they go into freshwater.

00:38:38.000 Oh, wow.

00:38:38.000 So they can go...

00:38:39.000 They've been all the way up into Illinois.

00:38:42.000 So they make... 0.91

00:38:43.000 No bullshit.

00:38:45.000 No bullshit. 0.76

00:38:45.000 They make their way up the river. 0.76

00:38:47.000 They're getting crazy.

00:38:49.000 That explains it.

00:38:51.000 Even the movie Jaws was based on a freshwater attack that was on a river in New Jersey.

00:38:55.000 That's right.

00:38:56.000 Yeah.

00:38:57.000 Near Tom's River.

00:38:58.000 They go all the way up the river into the...

00:39:00.000 How can they do that, fresh and salt? 0.93

00:39:03.000 Because they're monsters. 0.88

00:39:04.000 Wow. 1.00

00:39:05.000 They're just designed to kill. 1.00

00:39:06.000 And if they ran out of shit to kill in the salt, they ventured into the fresh. 1.00

00:39:09.000 That's amazing. 0.99

00:39:10.000 They made it all the way up into the rivers and they started killing things.

00:39:13.000 What do they look like?

00:39:14.000 They look like a shark.

00:39:15.000 Just a regular shark.

00:39:16.000 Like a great white type shark?

00:39:18.000 No.

00:39:18.000 I thought it was smaller than that.

00:39:20.000 Smaller.

00:39:20.000 They're smaller, but it's the same kind of look.

00:39:23.000 That's what a bull shark looks like.

00:39:24.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:39:26.000 Look at that terrifying fuckhead. 1.00

00:39:28.000 Jesus Christ, dude. 1.00

00:39:29.000 That's like the classic look. 0.99

00:39:31.000 Do you know how many there must be if they let you kill one a day? 0.99

00:39:36.000 Sure. 0.98

00:39:37.000 Do you know how many there must be?

00:39:38.000 Yeah, that's great news.

00:39:40.000 Yeah, but how many people are going out specifically...

00:39:43.000 To catch bull sharks?

00:39:44.000 There's videos on YouTube of guys doing it.

00:39:47.000 Yeah, they have YouTube fishing channels.

00:39:50.000 For real.

00:39:51.000 I subscribe to a couple. 0.99

00:39:53.000 There's YouTube fishing channels of these fucking dudes going down there, and they catch bull sharks. 0.99

00:39:58.000 Jamie, see if you can find bull shark fishing... 0.98

00:40:04.000 Warmer sea surface temperatures have led to a bull shark population increase, scientists say.

00:40:08.000 A green wildlife expert discusses whether people should take caution.

00:40:12.000 Yeah, they're gonna kill you. 0.99

00:40:14.000 Take a lot of fucking caution. 1.00

00:40:16.000 These fuckers are dangerous. 1.00

00:40:20.000 They're real aggressive, too. 1.00

00:40:21.000 I think them and tiger sharks.

00:40:23.000 Bull sharks I think of the most.

00:40:26.000 What does it say, Jamie?

00:40:27.000 You want bull shark video fishing?

00:40:29.000 Yeah, bull shark fishing.

00:40:30.000 I want to see the Illinois bull shark fishing scene.

00:40:33.000 The thing is, people have it in their head like, oh, you shouldn't kill sharks.

00:40:37.000 Right, but you also shouldn't let them kill people. 1.00

00:40:39.000 If you get so many fucking sharks that kill people, you've got to kill the sharks. 0.99

00:40:43.000 Yeah, but it's also like we shouldn't be eating tuna and salmon with everything that we're taking. 1.00

00:40:47.000 Eat some fucking shark, bro! 0.99

00:40:49.000 I want a shark steak, bro. 1.00

00:40:50.000 You used to be able to buy it everywhere.

00:40:52.000 Mako shark was like a normal thing that was on menus.

00:40:56.000 Growing up on Long Island, that was the big get, a mako. 1.00

00:41:00.000 Two bull sharks swam up to Mississippi River to St. Louis.

00:41:04.000 Wow.

00:41:05.000 Yeah.

00:41:06.000 See the arch.

00:41:07.000 What a nice little trip.

00:41:09.000 But that's how resilient they are.

00:41:11.000 Yes.

00:41:11.000 It starts from 1937. A fisherman's tale from 1937 sparked the researchers' interest in bull sharks upstream after two fishermen caught a five-foot, 84-pound bull shark in Alton, Illinois.

00:41:26.000 So that was in 1937. Fifty-eight years later, in 1995, a fisherman near Rush Island, Missouri, caught another bull shark.

00:41:36.000 That's fucking crazy. 0.99

00:41:37.000 What are they eating? 1.00

00:41:39.000 Everything.

00:41:40.000 Wow. 1.00

00:41:40.000 Fucking everything. 1.00

00:41:41.000 Birds, whoever's slipping. 1.00

00:41:43.000 Yes. 1.00

00:41:43.000 Whoever's slipping, bitch. 1.00

00:41:45.000 Oh, man. 0.99

00:41:46.000 Bull sharks typically live in warm water, in open salt water, but they're one of the few species that can adapt to live in freshwater environments.

00:41:53.000 Do they ever have arguments and they go after each other?

00:41:55.000 I wonder.

00:41:57.000 Sharks eat each other, yeah.

00:42:00.000 I'm sure they do.

00:42:01.000 For sure.

00:42:02.000 Well, they kill everything else.

00:42:04.000 Battlebots of the sea.

00:42:05.000 That would be great. 1.00

00:42:06.000 Fucking monsters, man. 1.00

00:42:07.000 That's awesome. 1.00

00:42:08.000 I mean, their teeth are just rows and rows of, like, duplicating teeth.

00:42:13.000 So when one falls out, another one replaces it.

00:42:16.000 This is so different from the stuff I look at at home, like when I'm like a koi pond.

00:42:20.000 Like there's something about a koi pond.

00:42:22.000 Like it calms me down.

00:42:23.000 I don't know what it is.

00:42:24.000 We love pet videos.

00:42:25.000 Walter.

00:42:26.000 Anything with parrots.

00:42:27.000 I'm always into that.

00:42:29.000 I like that too.

00:42:31.000 This is what I was thinking of doing.

00:42:33.000 You take parrots.

00:42:34.000 Like, you know, there's all these parrots that outlive their owners.

00:42:37.000 So you take them and you make like a Supreme Court of parrots.

00:42:39.000 They know all this ancient stuff because they're like old.

00:42:42.000 But like, you put little robes on them and it's like, hey, what do you guys think about?

00:42:46.000 And you say an issue and then like whatever.

00:42:48.000 It's like, okay, well, there you go.

00:42:49.000 That's what we should do.

00:42:51.000 Parrots live super old.

00:42:52.000 I know, like 70 years or something.

00:42:54.000 Really?

00:42:54.000 That's crazy.

00:42:54.000 So if you get one when you're 80, you're an asshole.

00:42:57.000 You really are so selfish. 1.00

00:43:00.000 This poor parrot, especially if you treat it well. 0.91

00:43:03.000 Can you imagine handing a parrot down to your children in the will?

00:43:06.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:43:06.000 That would suck. 0.98

00:43:08.000 That would fucking suck. 1.00

00:43:08.000 I think they can live till like 100 years old. 1.00

00:43:11.000 I'm not sure.

00:43:11.000 Like a tortoise.

00:43:12.000 They have that kind of age to them.

00:43:14.000 They really can live a long time.

00:43:16.000 There's a few animals where, like, once you get them as a pet, you know, you're there and it is for your kids.

00:43:20.000 And do they keep learning phrases?

00:43:22.000 No, I think they kind of, like, just know, like, three things.

00:43:25.000 I don't know.

00:43:27.000 Some pets, such as tortoises and parrots, may live for over 50 years.

00:43:30.000 Okay, well, I was wrong, but, you know, tortoises live, like, into their hundreds, so...

00:43:37.000 Provide documented pens for their pet parents at their wills.

00:43:41.000 Lawyers often urge pet parents.

00:43:47.000 Lawyers.

00:43:48.000 That's just lawyers weaseling in on some of that pet parent money. 0.83

00:43:53.000 Yeah.

00:43:53.000 That's a leap of faith, like, because I just did a will, like, and to my parrot, I'd like, you know, it's like, yeah, we're going to do that.

00:43:59.000 Yeah.

00:44:00.000 This parrot can't, you can talk, but he can't, you know, testify.

00:44:03.000 It says some species lived 75 to 100 years.

00:44:07.000 Oh, my God.

00:44:08.000 Wow.

00:44:08.000 You gotta go with an old-fashioned pigeon.

00:44:10.000 That's like, what, three weeks?

00:44:11.000 Like, six weeks if he's healthy?

00:44:13.000 Do you know the pigeons were all brought over here for food?

00:44:16.000 No, I didn't know that.

00:44:17.000 I thought they were from here, no?

00:44:18.000 No, they're an invasive species. 0.56

00:44:20.000 I guess they were brought over from Europe, but they were a food source.

00:44:24.000 That's what squab is.

00:44:26.000 Oh, it is?

00:44:27.000 Squab's pigeon.

00:44:29.000 Really? 0.99

00:44:29.000 Yeah, all those pigeons in New York City, 100%, you can shoot them and eat them, and they're good. 0.99

00:44:33.000 I wish we were allowed. 0.92

00:44:35.000 Good luck to that. 0.99

00:44:37.000 Just pink, pink, just shoot them, and then you just put them in a bag, take them home, and pluck them. 0.98

00:44:43.000 Literally, you could hunt wild meat in Central Park.

00:44:48.000 So when people go out, let's squab, is that what they're really talking about? 0.90

00:44:50.000 Like pigeoning?

00:44:51.000 Is that what squab is?

00:44:54.000 Whoa, squabble?

00:44:58.000 Easy Webster.

00:45:00.000 I wonder.

00:45:01.000 I mean, that kind of makes sense.

00:45:03.000 Yeah, that's a weird word.

00:45:07.000 Are we squabbling?

00:45:08.000 What are we squabbling about?

00:45:09.000 That doesn't even sound like a fight word.

00:45:10.000 No, how can you fight after hearing that?

00:45:13.000 Squabble sounds like something that happens to your ankle.

00:45:17.000 I squabbed on the way in.

00:45:20.000 What about squirrel?

00:45:22.000 That used to be like a frontiersman.

00:45:24.000 Hey, I shot some squirrel.

00:45:25.000 Oh yeah, people still eat squirrels.

00:45:27.000 They eat squirrels all throughout the South.

00:45:29.000 I have friends that eat Hunt squirrels.

00:45:31.000 Some friends of mine want to take me squirrel, raccoon, and rabbit hunting while I'm here.

00:45:35.000 Wow.

00:45:36.000 He's a good shot, by the way.

00:45:37.000 He really is good. 0.96

00:45:38.000 I would have a really hard time killing a raccoon.

00:45:40.000 I just think raccoons are so cool.

00:45:41.000 They're the cutest.

00:45:42.000 They're not just cute.

00:45:43.000 They have little hands.

00:45:45.000 They have little hands.

00:45:47.000 Have you ever seen them eat cotton candy in water and it disappears and they get so confused?

00:45:52.000 Oh, really?

00:45:52.000 Oh, it's the cutest.

00:45:53.000 That's weird.

00:45:54.000 How they eat, they pick up their food and then they run and eat it.

00:45:57.000 So they try to pick the cotton candy up and it goes away and then they're like, what?

00:46:00.000 What happened?

00:46:01.000 It's so cute.

00:46:02.000 I saw a raccoon in front of the Chelsea Hotel right next to Gotham.

00:46:07.000 That's crazy. 1.00

00:46:08.000 He's like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:46:09.000 That was weird. 1.00

00:46:10.000 This is crazy.

00:46:11.000 He's searching for it.

00:46:12.000 I lost it somewhere.

00:46:13.000 Poor little guy.

00:46:14.000 Oh, what a dirty trick to play on a raccoon. 0.90

00:46:16.000 Look at him. 1.00

00:46:17.000 He's so fucking frantic. 0.98

00:46:19.000 Oh, I found it. 0.99

00:46:20.000 It's like someone when they lost their vape.

00:46:21.000 I'll just set that down here. 1.00

00:46:22.000 What the fuck? 0.99

00:46:23.000 Where's that bull shark? 1.00

00:46:27.000 You can't escape me.

00:46:29.000 I can even do a water fountain.

00:46:33.000 Comes up to the toilet.

00:46:35.000 Remember, that was always a thing that snakes were going to be in the toilets in New York City. 0.99

00:46:38.000 I was thinking about that the other day.

00:46:40.000 Rats do that. 0.99

00:46:40.000 Like, if a rat really, like, came up and went inside of me, like, whose side would the EMTs be on? 0.99

00:46:46.000 Oh, here's one I always wanted to know if it's true.

00:46:49.000 Alligators in the sewer.

00:46:50.000 Yeah.

00:46:51.000 Is that real?

00:46:51.000 I heard that as a kid, that was a big deal.

00:46:53.000 Like, people would have pet alligators and they would release them in the sewer.

00:46:56.000 It was always in video games.

00:46:58.000 There's a movie about it, too.

00:47:00.000 It was like a horror movie in the 80s about a gator that was living down in the sewers and now he's humongous and he's going to eat somebody.

00:47:11.000 That's a cool thing.

00:47:12.000 That was a great urban myth.

00:47:14.000 But was it real?

00:47:15.000 Did they ever find alligators in the sewers?

00:47:18.000 See, they found any alligators in the New York City sewers.

00:47:20.000 Yeah, but how would they get there?

00:47:21.000 People throw them away.

00:47:24.000 Most of Florida is infested with pythons.

00:47:27.000 And a bunch of those came from people's pets.

00:47:30.000 Yeah.

00:47:30.000 Not all of them.

00:47:31.000 They used to think it was all pets, but then they found out that there was a research lab that got hit, that was filled with pythons, that got hit with a hurricane or tornado or some shit. 0.93

00:47:41.000 Sounds like a horror movie. 0.90

00:47:42.000 Yeah, and the pythons got loose.

00:47:44.000 That's a terrible death, I think.

00:47:46.000 And I think python death, oh boy.

00:47:49.000 Was he rather python or bull shark death?

00:47:51.000 And swallowed head first.

00:47:55.000 Well, Python, you could smoke while you're dying, whereas Bullshark, you're in the water, you're already kind of like, I'm fat, you know. 0.98

00:48:03.000 My man boobs are being, you know.

00:48:05.000 Anything that happens in the water is ultimately more terrifying because you can't move good in the water. 0.85

00:48:10.000 You can't get away.

00:48:11.000 Did you see that video of that guy jumping off the cruise ship and they videotape and he just disappears into the night?

00:48:16.000 Yeah.

00:48:17.000 Oh my god.

00:48:18.000 Some teen was trying to impress his friends, and he jumped off into the water.

00:48:23.000 Curran took him away, and in the video you just see a head bobbing and disappearing into the darkness.

00:48:29.000 Oh my god, what a terrible way to die. 1.00

00:48:32.000 Being an idiot, a drunk young kid. 1.00

00:48:34.000 You know what I feel sorry for? 1.00

00:48:36.000 The comic on the cruise ship, the next day he has to do a show.

00:48:40.000 I know everybody's a little down.

00:48:42.000 If it was Tony Hinchcliffe, he'd be immediately making fun of that guy. 0.99

00:48:45.000 What the fuck was wrong with that guy? 0.99

00:48:50.000 I guess he can't swim. 0.98

00:48:52.000 The conditions have led to the myths of special breeds.

00:48:56.000 The lack of sunlight creates a blind albino gator.

00:48:59.000 Wow.

00:49:00.000 But is it true?

00:49:01.000 So it started off as a myth, but there have been reports of not only sightings, but they have pulled a couple out.

00:49:07.000 But the original reports were like there was hundreds in there a year, and I think that's a myth.

00:49:10.000 Wow.

00:49:11.000 They've pulled a couple out?

00:49:13.000 How many did they pull out?

00:49:14.000 Like I said, it started off as a myth to became truth.

00:49:17.000 This is a non-profit that says they've pulled out five.

00:49:20.000 Oh, they're just little.

00:49:21.000 They've pulled out five alligators in the past two years.

00:49:26.000 That's still a lot.

00:49:26.000 That's pretty good.

00:49:27.000 And they eat the rats, right?

00:49:29.000 Oh, none from sewers, it says, though.

00:49:31.000 So this is like people that have pets.

00:49:32.000 Yeah, like in their bathtub.

00:49:33.000 That's such a weird pet, like exotic.

00:49:36.000 There's a dude who lived...

00:49:37.000 That guy.

00:49:38.000 Somewhere.

00:49:39.000 I think there's a dude who lived in Harlem.

00:49:41.000 With a tiger?

00:49:42.000 With a tiger?

00:49:42.000 Yeah.

00:49:43.000 In his apartment?

00:49:44.000 Yeah.

00:49:44.000 What?

00:49:45.000 Yeah.

00:49:45.000 Crazy.

00:49:46.000 And there's a photo of it in the window?

00:49:48.000 Yeah.

00:49:48.000 Like someone's trying to climb up the fire escape and you see a tiger in the window?

00:49:52.000 Yeah.

00:49:52.000 That's the most insane thing of all time.

00:49:54.000 That's crazy.

00:49:55.000 Because someone's got to go in and deal with that thing.

00:49:57.000 In an apartment.

00:49:58.000 Look at that.

00:49:59.000 In an apartment.

00:50:00.000 He's so angry. 0.99

00:50:02.000 Yeah, he's trying to fuck that guy up. 1.00

00:50:04.000 In an apartment. 0.97

00:50:05.000 What about the neighbors?

00:50:06.000 I mean, like, honestly.

00:50:07.000 Bro.

00:50:08.000 That's got to be tough.

00:50:09.000 How bad does that apartment smell?

00:50:11.000 Oh, for sure.

00:50:12.000 Because you're not going to stop that thing from pissing on the walls.

00:50:15.000 Right?

00:50:15.000 He's going to mark wherever he wants.

00:50:17.000 Is that a snake next to the tiger? 1.00

00:50:19.000 This guy's into exotic shit. 1.00

00:50:20.000 Coiled up? 1.00

00:50:21.000 Yeah.

00:50:22.000 That's hard to tell.

00:50:23.000 That looks like a turtle.

00:50:24.000 That's so unfair to the tiger.

00:50:26.000 Oh, no.

00:50:26.000 So rude to the tiger.

00:50:28.000 But so is the zoo, by the way.

00:50:29.000 In the Bronx.

00:50:30.000 What?

00:50:30.000 The zoo.

00:50:34.000 It's like, when are we going to move to Manhattan or something?

00:50:36.000 You know, it's like, I'm sick of being...

00:50:38.000 We're nowhere near the park.

00:50:40.000 You know the action.

00:50:42.000 There was a really good...

00:50:43.000 This owl escaped from the Central Park Zoo, and they tried to capture him, and then they couldn't.

00:50:49.000 And then they said, he'll just be fine.

00:50:51.000 He's living out there in Central Park.

00:50:52.000 He's eating rats and pigeons, and so he's helping everything.

00:50:55.000 And then he just flew into a building and died.

00:50:57.000 It was sad.

00:50:58.000 I felt so bad for him.

00:50:59.000 It's like he finally got out.

00:51:00.000 He was looking for a mate.

00:51:01.000 And then he just like...

00:51:02.000 At night, because these owls, they're night people, so it just flew into somebody's building and killed himself.

00:51:07.000 But I thought they fly good at night.

00:51:09.000 That's what I thought.

00:51:10.000 I guess not.

00:51:11.000 Because he was half owl, half seagull or something.

00:51:12.000 No, birds get really confused by glass.

00:51:15.000 Oh, yeah.

00:51:16.000 That was him, Flacco.

00:51:17.000 Flacco.

00:51:18.000 Dead.

00:51:19.000 Oh, man.

00:51:20.000 Poor Flacco.

00:51:21.000 That's great.

00:51:22.000 Flacco probably thought he was going into an opening and he hit a window.

00:51:25.000 Sure.

00:51:26.000 Oh, look at him.

00:51:27.000 But yeah, he was like escaped, you know, catch and release, bail, you know, bail reform.

00:51:31.000 You ever have that happen in your house?

00:51:33.000 You ever have that happen in your house?

00:51:35.000 You just hear, dunk!

00:51:36.000 And it's the sound of a knock on glass and you look out and you see a bird just dead.

00:51:40.000 Oh, jeez.

00:51:41.000 No.

00:51:41.000 I hear it sunk on my glass.

00:51:43.000 I live in Brooklyn.

00:51:44.000 It's just an angry teenager. 0.99

00:51:46.000 But that's like when you drive through Nebraska and all of a sudden weird shit starts hitting your windshield. 0.99

00:51:51.000 Oh, yeah. 0.98

00:51:51.000 It's like, what is that? 0.98

00:51:52.000 Is that a grasshopper?

00:51:53.000 What is that?

00:51:54.000 Oh, yeah, like huge bugs and stuff. 0.98

00:51:55.000 It's just like, for the amount of bug and the amount of shit that comes out of them, you're like, wow, that didn't make sense. 0.99

00:52:00.000 It's like a splatter. 1.00

00:52:02.000 Imagine driving through a locust storm.

00:52:03.000 Oh, that would be cool.

00:52:05.000 Oh, man.

00:52:06.000 Will they just flood the skies?

00:52:07.000 Oh, for God's sake.

00:52:08.000 You know locusts and grasshoppers are the same thing?

00:52:10.000 I didn't know that.

00:52:11.000 What?

00:52:11.000 Yeah, grasshoppers, like, turn into locusts.

00:52:14.000 There's, like, a specific thing that can happen to them.

00:52:16.000 I don't know if it's, like, a population thing.

00:52:19.000 Like caterpillars into a butterfly?

00:52:20.000 No, because it doesn't always happen.

00:52:22.000 Like, find out, like, what turns grasshoppers into locusts. 1.00

00:52:27.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:52:28.000 It's something really nutty. 0.99

00:52:29.000 Wait, if you can eat...

00:52:30.000 Look at this.

00:52:30.000 Look at this locust swarm.

00:52:32.000 Check this out.

00:52:34.000 Well, whatever they are, they use whatever bathroom they want.

00:52:37.000 Each swarm contain up to 200 million pests. 1.00

00:52:42.000 How about living creatures, you fucking piece of shit? 1.00

00:52:45.000 They're not pests. 1.00

00:52:47.000 That's a grasshopper.

00:52:49.000 Yeah, and they turn...

00:52:51.000 But just Google what it is.

00:52:53.000 Can't you eat this?

00:52:54.000 I mean, I think grasshoppers are edible.

00:52:56.000 If you can eat grasshopper and cricket, can you eat locusts?

00:52:59.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:53:00.000 So what are we crying about?

00:53:01.000 You can eat most bugs.

00:53:02.000 Open your mouth.

00:53:03.000 You can eat a lot of bugs.

00:53:05.000 Various species of short-horned grasshoppers in the family, but they have a swarming face.

00:53:10.000 So what causes them to swarm?

00:53:14.000 Locus and grasshoppers are the same in appearance, but locusts can exist in two different behavioral states.

00:53:19.000 Solitary and gregarious, whereas most grasshoppers do not.

00:53:22.000 When the population density is low, locusts behave as individuals, much like grasshoppers.

00:53:27.000 So it's a population thing.

00:53:29.000 I thought it was mating.

00:53:30.000 Why do grasshoppers turn into locusts?

00:53:32.000 The term locust is used for a grasshopper species that change morphologically and behaviorally on crowding.

00:53:40.000 Forming swarms developed from bands of immature stages called hoppers.

00:53:45.000 The change is described as density-dependent phenotypic plasticity.

00:53:51.000 Yeah.

00:53:51.000 Wow.

00:53:51.000 So it's density-dependent, so it's something about the population that causes them to go fucking nutty.

00:53:57.000 And so they look real different. 0.96

00:53:59.000 Wow.

00:53:59.000 Like, look at their color changes.

00:54:00.000 Oh, man.

00:54:01.000 Isn't that bizarre?

00:54:01.000 That one's tough on the top there.

00:54:03.000 That's so cool with the knees back there.

00:54:05.000 They've got to make a drone or something like that.

00:54:06.000 I mean, honestly.

00:54:07.000 The knees are pretty wild.

00:54:09.000 It is pretty nuts.

00:54:10.000 There's going to be a big super swarm of locusts in the Illinois, Indiana, Ohio area this year.

00:54:15.000 Oh, really?

00:54:16.000 Two, you know, like they bury themselves or they hibernate for like 20-something years.

00:54:20.000 That's a cicada, I thought.

00:54:21.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:54:22.000 I'm sorry.

00:54:23.000 Please.

00:54:23.000 It's my big thing.

00:54:25.000 The cicada brewery.

00:54:27.000 Cicadas, they eat those too. 0.98

00:54:29.000 Every 17 years or 13 years, the cicada return.

00:54:32.000 I always love that.

00:54:33.000 When they come out, it's just like they're annoying.

00:54:35.000 They're everywhere.

00:54:35.000 Shedding their skin.

00:54:37.000 They're really loud, but they eat those too.

00:54:39.000 Wow.

00:54:40.000 I know a lot of people online have videos about how to cook cicadas.

00:54:45.000 Ew.

00:54:45.000 They use like teriyaki sauce and you bake them.

00:54:48.000 Apparently they're delicious.

00:54:49.000 It's protein, right?

00:54:49.000 Trillions will be president.

00:54:51.000 Apparently it's trillions!

00:54:53.000 Trillions!

00:54:54.000 Since cicadas will emerge from Maryland to Oklahoma, Illinois to Alabama, clearly trillions of adult cicadas will be present, but not all in the same place at the same time.

00:55:04.000 Yeah, well that's...

00:55:05.000 I would hope not.

00:55:07.000 Can you imagine those trillions of those fat bugs?

00:55:10.000 That's crazy.

00:55:11.000 Imagine the border.

00:55:13.000 I think they're cool.

00:55:14.000 They sound cool.

00:55:15.000 But they're out every year, right?

00:55:17.000 In small numbers?

00:55:18.000 Is that what the deal is?

00:55:19.000 Yeah.

00:55:19.000 Are they the ones that make the noises at night?

00:55:22.000 Is that the deal?

00:55:23.000 They're out every year in small numbers and then every...

00:55:26.000 Here's the, like, it's called a brood.

00:55:29.000 Yeah.

00:55:29.000 So, like, there's different sizes of them that come out or emerge every year, I guess is what it's called.

00:55:35.000 This is what the World Economic Forum wants us to eat.

00:55:38.000 You'll eat bugs and you'll be happy.

00:55:41.000 But the thing is, you need to know that you can eat them.

00:55:44.000 You can't eat them.

00:55:45.000 They're very edible.

00:55:46.000 And my friend...

00:55:48.000 Ryan Callahan, he had like a recipe for cooking them that he talked about.

00:55:53.000 Take them, put them on a sheet, use teriyaki sauce, like a teriyaki glaze, cook them.

00:55:58.000 Apparently they're delicious.

00:55:59.000 I would try it, but I don't know if I'd...

00:56:01.000 I eat grasshoppers in Mexico.

00:56:05.000 Really?

00:56:05.000 Was it crickets?

00:56:06.000 It might have been crickets.

00:56:07.000 Do they deep fry them? 0.99

00:56:09.000 They fry them somehow.

00:56:10.000 Like pan serum? 0.76

00:56:11.000 Something like that.

00:56:12.000 I don't know, but they had a bowl of them in the room.

00:56:14.000 I think it was crickets.

00:56:16.000 And I was like, first of all, that's weird because crickets are the only bug that I don't kill.

00:56:21.000 Like, if I find a cricket, I catch them with my hand and bring them outside.

00:56:24.000 Really? 1.00

00:56:24.000 Yeah, if I find a spider, you're fucked. 1.00

00:56:26.000 Really? 1.00

00:56:26.000 Spiders are fucked. 1.00

00:56:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:56:27.000 Wow. 1.00

00:56:28.000 I'll kill you. 1.00

00:56:28.000 You bite me. 1.00

00:56:29.000 Yeah, that looks pretty good.

00:56:30.000 Once you cook it up.

00:56:32.000 They call it, uh, chapulines?

00:56:34.000 That's how you say it?

00:56:35.000 I would do that.

00:56:36.000 Dried and roasted grasshoppers, a pre-Hispanic Mexican delicacy.

00:56:40.000 They're small, most are shorter than the length of an adult pinky, and nutty in flavor.

00:56:46.000 The cooking process can add additional flavors, such as lemon, garlic, and chili.

00:56:50.000 I thought it was Southeast Asia or something.

00:56:52.000 Maybe it's grasshoppers and I thought it was crickets.

00:56:56.000 It looks like that.

00:56:58.000 Either way, grasshoppers I don't kill either.

00:57:01.000 What about like, are you like an adventure food guy or no?

00:57:05.000 Yeah, I'll try some different stuff.

00:57:06.000 You know the thing in the Philippines where it's like an egg, but it's like the fetus is already like, you know, it's not like a...

00:57:12.000 Yeah, have you had that?

00:57:13.000 We used to serve that on Fear Factor.

00:57:15.000 Oh, jeez. 0.99

00:57:15.000 And my Filipino friends are like, get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:57:17.000 I ate that easy. 1.00

00:57:19.000 Like, what are they scared to eat that for?

00:57:20.000 It's terrifying looking.

00:57:21.000 What is it?

00:57:21.000 It's basically a fertilized embryo.

00:57:26.000 It's a duck?

00:57:26.000 Is that what it is?

00:57:27.000 I have no idea what it is. 0.72

00:57:29.000 It looks disgusting.

00:57:30.000 And so you eat the egg and the embryo is developed?

00:57:31.000 Yeah, see?

00:57:32.000 There's like a thing in there.

00:57:33.000 Oh my God!

00:57:34.000 Yeah.

00:57:35.000 So people eat the whole thing.

00:57:37.000 They eat the little baby, they eat the yolk, they eat everything.

00:57:40.000 That to me is like too much.

00:57:42.000 It's rough.

00:57:42.000 Yeah, it's gotta be.

00:57:43.000 You're getting beaks in there.

00:57:45.000 Oh god!

00:57:50.000 I'm such a baby with food.

00:57:53.000 Feet, beets.

00:57:55.000 Yeah.

00:57:56.000 I don't remember if I tried that.

00:57:57.000 I don't think I did.

00:57:58.000 That sounds like a really good treat for a dog.

00:58:00.000 Like, hey, look, there's an egg and a bird in there.

00:58:03.000 Here you go, buddy.

00:58:04.000 I ate so many things on Fear Factor, I kind of forgot all the stuff I ate.

00:58:07.000 I don't think I ate one of those.

00:58:09.000 Snake, of course, right?

00:58:10.000 No, I never ate snake.

00:58:11.000 Really?

00:58:11.000 Would you eat everything that they ate to be like, I ate it, it's fine?

00:58:15.000 I would do it if I thought someone...

00:58:17.000 Someone really needed to know that you can do it.

00:58:20.000 I'll do it for no reason.

00:58:22.000 I'll do it for no reason.

00:58:23.000 I can't even win just to show you that you can do it.

00:58:24.000 You can do this.

00:58:25.000 You just do it.

00:58:26.000 Just decide you're going to do it and do it.

00:58:28.000 That's so paternal.

00:58:29.000 Well, it's just like coaching.

00:58:31.000 I'm trying to help these people. 0.99

00:58:33.000 That's a weird moment, being on TV trying to eat a dick. 0.99

00:58:41.000 What's the side? 1.00

00:58:43.000 Can I get some fries with that dick? 1.00

00:58:45.000 Fried pubes. 1.00

00:58:48.000 I don't know, man.

00:58:49.000 I think it was cool that...

00:58:50.000 In New York, there's always the new restaurant, the new hot thing to eat and stuff like that.

00:58:56.000 I'm never into that.

00:58:57.000 I'm not a food guy like that.

00:58:58.000 You're into everything, right?

00:58:59.000 I'll try anything, but I definitely am my comforts that I go back to.

00:59:04.000 Yeah, man, it's just so hard.

00:59:06.000 That's why Austin's so good.

00:59:08.000 They got great food here pretty much from the beginning.

00:59:11.000 Those food trucks are the best.

00:59:13.000 There's so many good food trucks.

00:59:15.000 Yeah, there's a lot of great options. 0.98

00:59:17.000 And there's a lot of cool shit to do here. 0.93

00:59:21.000 It's not overwhelmed. 0.90

00:59:23.000 It's like a perfect size.

00:59:25.000 And what's the...

00:59:26.000 I was going to say...

00:59:29.000 You know, we're doing the club, right?

00:59:31.000 And that 6th Street, has it settled down, or is it still, like, popping the way it is?

00:59:35.000 It's pretty crazy.

00:59:36.000 It's a crazy...

00:59:38.000 That end of it, too, is kind of the craziest end.

00:59:41.000 Yeah, it is. 0.99

00:59:41.000 It's fucking wild. 0.99

00:59:42.000 We're in the heart of it. 0.99

00:59:43.000 When you're old and you walk down that street, it's a whole different experience.

00:59:46.000 Nobody gets it.

00:59:46.000 Like, when you're an old person with, like, a mortgage, and you're walking down the street, you just see all that.

00:59:51.000 The only place I think almost is equal is San Diego.

00:59:55.000 Like, that street where the American Comedy Club is.

00:59:57.000 Because it's just nothing but, like...

00:59:59.000 Drunks, fights, just squad cars coming from every direction all the time for like two hours.

01:00:05.000 Then it's like quiet again.

01:00:06.000 But it's just like this amazing kind of like, you know, like almost like somebody said, like, you know, rung a bell. 0.95

01:00:12.000 It's like, be nuts!

01:00:13.000 Yeah, it's like a weird purge for a couple hours.

01:00:16.000 A purge, yeah.

01:00:17.000 The purge.

01:00:18.000 It is like that, unfortunately. 0.97

01:00:19.000 A bunch of barefield drunk women. 1.00

01:00:21.000 God. 0.97

01:00:22.000 It's so crazy.

01:00:23.000 But yeah, that street, man.

01:00:25.000 It's very overwhelming.

01:00:27.000 But that's a good place for comedy, both in San Diego and here.

01:00:31.000 To be around that chaos and then come inside, you're a little more used to chaos.

01:00:35.000 A little more used to some nuttiness.

01:00:38.000 Bring some pop. 1.00

01:00:39.000 You're out there waiting in line, and you're those fucking crackheads everywhere. 1.00

01:00:43.000 We have security out there to protect them. 1.00

01:00:47.000 It's It's a sketchy fucking street. 0.99

01:00:50.000 That's like the cellar now in the West Village. 0.99

01:00:52.000 Like, these people line up to go see a comedy show, and then there's just people costing them for money and singing songs in their face, and then they come in like, what the fuck just happened? 0.73

01:01:01.000 Do you feel a noticeable change in the city with the immigrant thing? 1.00

01:01:05.000 Oh.

01:01:06.000 It depends what part of the city you're in, but definitely around the Port Authority, Midtown.

01:01:10.000 You'll definitely see more of that kind of activity going on.

01:01:14.000 And that's over how much time?

01:01:16.000 I'd say the last six months, three months, something like that.

01:01:20.000 So where do you think this goes in six years?

01:01:22.000 Nowhere good.

01:01:23.000 Is it Delhi?

01:01:24.000 Is it...

01:01:26.000 I really don't know, but there definitely is a mood in that part of town.

01:01:31.000 And it's everywhere, by the way, but that's where I see it the most, where I'm like, whoa, look at the bus station here, just outside.

01:01:39.000 There's never been more mango and candy being sold on the street.

01:01:42.000 I'm a fan of both mango and candy.

01:01:44.000 Shaved ice is so much easier to get.

01:01:46.000 Yeah, but can you imagine being like 19 and living, you know, in a terrible place and you're just so poor and you're like, wait, I get to go to a place where I get away with crimes with my boys?

01:01:59.000 Let's go!

01:02:00.000 And you're just like a group of lost boys.

01:02:01.000 They just let you right out of jail when you beat up a cop on TV? Yeah, yeah.

01:02:05.000 We are such suckers. 1.00

01:02:07.000 We're such suckers as a nation to let this happen. 1.00

01:02:10.000 It's so dumb. 1.00

01:02:12.000 It's the dumbest fucking thing. 1.00

01:02:13.000 It's happening right in front of everybody's face. 1.00

01:02:15.000 What do we do?

01:02:16.000 What do we do?

01:02:17.000 And none of our elected leaders are doing anything to stop it.

01:02:21.000 Yeah, but weren't they shipping them to like Martha's Vineyard and stuff?

01:02:24.000 Did that do anything?

01:02:25.000 Well, that was Texas.

01:02:26.000 That's our guy.

01:02:27.000 Our guy's awesome.

01:02:28.000 Yeah.

01:02:28.000 He ships them.

01:02:29.000 He's like, okay, you guys want, fuck, you don't want to deal with it? 0.99

01:02:31.000 You want to let these people in? 1.00

01:02:33.000 Yeah.

01:02:33.000 You want sanctuary cities?

01:02:34.000 Good.

01:02:34.000 We'll send them to the sanctuary cities.

01:02:36.000 So just start busting people to New York.

01:02:38.000 Yeah.

01:02:38.000 Our guy is responsible for what's happening and a lot of what's happening in New York.

01:02:42.000 That's how they got up there.

01:02:43.000 Yeah, thanks.

01:02:44.000 But now the government's flying them places.

01:02:46.000 They're flying them to different cities.

01:02:47.000 You can ask where you want to go.

01:02:49.000 They give you money.

01:02:49.000 They give you a cell phone.

01:02:51.000 And the thing that's really freaking people out, especially people in poor cities in this country, is like, where's that fucking help for us? 0.80

01:02:57.000 You've got these people housed in the Roosevelt, you give them three free meals a day, plus you give them money. 0.99

01:03:02.000 And they can masturbate wherever they want. 0.99

01:03:04.000 It's amazing. 0.99

01:03:05.000 That's true.

01:03:06.000 Anywhere they want?

01:03:07.000 And for a long time.

01:03:08.000 It's happening a lot.

01:03:10.000 For a long time, especially in New York, they would look at you guys down here and go like, you know, what do you...

01:03:14.000 And then they finally got to experience it.

01:03:16.000 And it's probably...

01:03:16.000 What we experienced is probably just like one-tenth of what you guys have to do being right on the border.

01:03:21.000 Well, we're not on the border, but...

01:03:23.000 But I'm saying like Texas.

01:03:24.000 But if you're down south...

01:03:26.000 You know, if you're, like, way down there.

01:03:29.000 A border town.

01:03:29.000 Yeah, if you're in, you know, Juarez, like, right outside of Juarez, if you're, that's, you're real close.

01:03:36.000 I mean, it's coming over, and it's affecting you.

01:03:38.000 Well, it's a little wild, because I don't see many kids.

01:03:41.000 Not many families coming over. 0.99

01:03:43.000 Well, here's the thing though, for real, it's very dangerous to bring your kids through a fucking migrant stream that's walking into Mexico. 1.00

01:03:51.000 So are they coming here to work and then send money back? 0.99

01:03:54.000 Yeah, there's definitely that.

01:03:55.000 But also military-aged men from other countries, including Middle Eastern countries, Including China.

01:04:02.000 It's like, that's real, too.

01:04:04.000 And it doesn't mean that you're not compassionate for the people that are doing exactly what I would do if I was living in Ecuador and I didn't have any money, there was no job opportunities, and I knew that I could get into America and I'd get a job, and if I busted my ass, I could make it.

01:04:18.000 And they would accept me, and not only accept me, but help me and give me money.

01:04:21.000 And you hear from your friends, bro, every time you go across the border, they give you 2,200 bucks.

01:04:26.000 So there's guys on the radio, Spanish-speaking radio in San Diego, telling guys how they went back and forth four times in a month.

01:04:35.000 Yeah.

01:04:36.000 So they got eight grand in a month.

01:04:38.000 Jesus.

01:04:39.000 Yeah.

01:04:39.000 So they're living nice just by crossing back and forth and just continuing to do it.

01:04:44.000 Well, did you read the story about the guy?

01:04:45.000 I think he's from Venezuela.

01:04:47.000 I had to make a move.

01:04:48.000 He's telling people how to get over the border and then squat in houses and how you'll just get...

01:04:53.000 It's like, they won't throw you out of their house.

01:04:55.000 It's not like where we're from.

01:04:56.000 You can just get in the house and then you can stay there.

01:04:59.000 Yeah, that's just happening in Queens.

01:05:00.000 The lady got arrested for changing the locks on her own home. 1.00

01:05:04.000 That to me is crazy.

01:05:05.000 They're also saying in New York, if you're in a house for 30 days, you legally become a tenant.

01:05:10.000 If you get mail sent to the place in your name, it's yours.

01:05:13.000 That is bananas.

01:05:15.000 That is crazy.

01:05:15.000 I love this story.

01:05:16.000 I think it happened in Seattle or Portland or something.

01:05:18.000 This guy was at every march and rally, and he was like big Antifa and communism.

01:05:24.000 And he met someone there, and the guy was like, hey, can I crash with you?

01:05:27.000 And the guy was like, yeah, sure.

01:05:28.000 So he brought him and his girlfriend and stayed on the couch.

01:05:31.000 And after two weeks, the guy wouldn't let the homeowner into his own house, and he had to call the police, which is against their religion. 0.83

01:05:41.000 I don't know what to tell you. 0.99

01:05:42.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:05:44.000 Isn't that the best? 1.00

01:05:45.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious.

01:05:47.000 That's amazing.

01:05:48.000 I was talking to friends of mine.

01:05:49.000 There's like over a thousand squatter situations in Atlanta.

01:05:53.000 And they're like, well, it's only a thousand.

01:05:55.000 The population is this big.

01:05:57.000 It doesn't really matter.

01:05:57.000 I'm like, dude, ten people doing it is alarming.

01:06:01.000 A thousand is crazy. 1.00

01:06:03.000 That means they know how to do it, they know the loophole, and you need to tighten that loophole up, you fuckheads. 0.99

01:06:09.000 People are so smart, they know how to jock the system. 0.99

01:06:11.000 A hundred percent, especially criminals and fraudsters, which is the type of person who's got, I mean, you imagine, they're filming them.

01:06:18.000 This is my house.

01:06:19.000 They're filming. 0.99

01:06:20.000 They're like, I don't give a fuck, dude, this is where I live now. 0.99

01:06:22.000 And they know that you have to pay them to get out, and that's what a lot of homeowners do. 0.99

01:06:27.000 But the problem is, then another person is just going to jump in.

01:06:29.000 Well, and the eviction process is so long and you have to hire a lawyer, you have to go to court.

01:06:33.000 It's all on the homeowner.

01:06:34.000 And good luck trying to sell the place because if you're not there in the house, they'll just squat.

01:06:39.000 But they always hold up like a dirty piece of paper.

01:06:41.000 I have a lease!

01:06:42.000 And it's just like a happy face and a house behind it.

01:06:45.000 This guy was explaining how he did it.

01:06:48.000 This guy was explaining how he did it in this YouTube video.

01:06:50.000 He was saying that you get a fake lease.

01:06:53.000 So you draft up a fake lease.

01:06:56.000 You use that lease to get the power and things turn in your name.

01:06:59.000 You pay the bill.

01:07:01.000 There's a bunch of different steps that you can do that just seems to indicate that you are the legal resident.

01:07:06.000 And then they have to take you to court.

01:07:08.000 And it could be months and months before you even get a trial.

01:07:12.000 Then where do they stay, the homeowners? 1.00

01:07:14.000 They're fucked. 1.00

01:07:15.000 In a migrant hotel? 1.00

01:07:16.000 They're fucked. 1.00

01:07:16.000 It's so crazy that in the name of protecting tenants, which is important, you don't want a shitty landlord, you want to protect tenants, but in the name of protecting tenants, you're basically allowing people to steal people's houses. 1.00

01:07:28.000 For sure. 0.59

01:07:29.000 And not just one.

01:07:30.000 If Atlanta has a thousand, what is the number of people they're squatting currently, Jamie, in the United States?

01:07:36.000 I don't know how you would know that.

01:07:37.000 Try Google.

01:07:39.000 Just try Googling that. 0.72

01:07:40.000 Why don't you ask ChatGPT?

01:07:43.000 Ooh.

01:07:43.000 It's not only that they're squatting...

01:07:45.000 That's scary. 1.00

01:07:45.000 Let's see what that bitch says. 1.00

01:07:46.000 You see how they abuse the house, too. 1.00

01:07:48.000 They'll, like, smear shit on the walls. 0.99

01:07:50.000 They'll do all kinds of things in there. 0.99

01:07:52.000 Lenny Dykstra did that.

01:07:52.000 So I'm like, you really own Risky's mansion.

01:07:55.000 It says American Business in...

01:07:57.000 Oh, that's 2010. Well...

01:07:59.000 I think Lenny Dykstra did it, and it was his mansion. 0.99

01:08:02.000 Yeah, and they were like evicting him, and he's like, alright, I'm gonna take a shit on the floor. 0.98

01:08:05.000 Is that what he did? 0.98

01:08:06.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:08:07.000 And then didn't Gretzky buy the house?

01:08:09.000 He bought it from Gretzky.

01:08:10.000 Oh, he bought it from Gretzky.

01:08:10.000 It was Gretzky's house.

01:08:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:08:11.000 And then he shit all over it when they were taken away from him. 0.99

01:08:14.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:08:15.000 Not cool. 1.00

01:08:17.000 That's a different story, though.

01:08:18.000 He wasn't a squatter.

01:08:19.000 Yeah.

01:08:19.000 He just went broke.

01:08:20.000 Yeah.

01:08:21.000 That's like when you go to a friend's house, you have a party, and like that last guy who has nowhere to go, he's like, hey, man, you know, we can play a game.

01:08:27.000 It's like...

01:08:28.000 This is a different level, Your Honor.

01:08:30.000 Bro, the guys you can't get out of your parties are the worst.

01:08:33.000 Yeah.

01:08:33.000 That's the main reason why people don't want to have parties.

01:08:35.000 I don't know.

01:08:36.000 Not for me.

01:08:36.000 The one guy who won't leave.

01:08:38.000 Yeah, gotta get up early, man.

01:08:39.000 You know, that's all right.

01:08:40.000 I can barely get people to leave my podcast studio.

01:08:43.000 Especially when you get a little drunk and they just don't get the hints.

01:08:46.000 Yeah.

01:08:47.000 And you're like, you are drunk, you must leave.

01:08:50.000 Lights out.

01:08:51.000 What?

01:08:52.000 What are you doing, man? 1.00

01:08:54.000 Are you fucking... 1.00

01:08:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:08:56.000 Are you fucking tripping, bro? 1.00

01:08:57.000 Yeah, I was that guy. 1.00

01:08:58.000 Like, it's five in the morning.

01:08:59.000 Yeah.

01:09:00.000 I would just curl up on their welcome mat like a cat.

01:09:03.000 Wake up the next day.

01:09:04.000 That's what happened to that guy who had the Kansas City Chief party, and then the guys go outside, they're like, dude, can't we just hang a little bit longer?

01:09:11.000 You know, maybe it'll warm up.

01:09:12.000 He's like, no, you gotta go.

01:09:13.000 And then they all, like, get popsicles outside.

01:09:16.000 Really?

01:09:16.000 Yeah.

01:09:17.000 How many of them died?

01:09:18.000 It was like four of them, I think.

01:09:20.000 Jesus!

01:09:21.000 They found the bodies right outside.

01:09:24.000 I'm actually in such a bad hang that you end up freezing to death.

01:09:27.000 Wasn't there some controversy to that story?

01:09:30.000 They don't know.

01:09:31.000 Yeah, the story seems fishy.

01:09:34.000 There's something with, it might have been drugs, it might have just been like, you know, they died somewhere else and he put them out there.

01:09:39.000 Well, I think there was some controversy with the guy who called it in.

01:09:43.000 Like, they didn't, he didn't do it quick enough.

01:09:45.000 I forget what it was.

01:09:46.000 They were high, though.

01:09:47.000 But then people started getting suspicious.

01:09:48.000 They were very high, though.

01:09:49.000 They were very, you know, they were drunk and they were just doing powder, I bet, something like that.

01:09:54.000 Maybe oxys.

01:09:55.000 Maybe that's why they just fell asleep outside.

01:09:57.000 Okay, what does Chad GVT say?

01:09:58.000 Let's have a note.

01:09:59.000 As to my last update in January 2022, I don't have access to most recent statistics on the number of people squatting in houses in the U.S. Squatting is often a complex and unreported issue.

01:10:08.000 That's a government.

01:10:09.000 Retaining inaccurate data can be challenging due to its illegal and unauthorized nature.

01:10:14.000 You may need to consult recent studies, reports, or data from relevant organizations or government agencies.

01:10:19.000 Well, this is ChatGPT4.

01:10:22.000 ChatGPT5, it would be like, I know how to get them out. 0.92

01:10:27.000 Here's your plan. 1.00

01:10:28.000 You fucking said a robot. 0.99

01:10:30.000 I don't know the full thing in Atlanta, but the first article I pulled up said... 1.00

01:10:34.000 1,200 homes.

01:10:35.000 I was off.

01:10:36.000 They're institutional investors.

01:10:37.000 I don't know how many of them are people buying houses and never living in them, and there's vacant houses everywhere.

01:10:42.000 What?

01:10:43.000 Like Airbnbs type things.

01:10:45.000 There's a bunch of Airbnbs.

01:10:47.000 You know that kind of situation's going on right now where a bunch of...

01:10:49.000 So they, like, move into the Airbnb and just stay?

01:10:51.000 It could be.

01:10:52.000 I know that there are definitely people doing that, because this lady videotaped this woman who wouldn't leave her place. 1.00

01:10:57.000 She's like, I'm not going nowhere.

01:10:59.000 And you have to keep the lights. 1.00

01:11:00.000 She's like, you see this bitch? 1.00

01:11:00.000 This bitch is in my fucking house, and she's cooking in my fucking kitchen. 1.00

01:11:04.000 Yeah, but can't you just beat the shit out of them, and then just know you'll be out the next day? 1.00

01:11:06.000 The problem is that everyone's aware that this is an issue already by then, so now they've got their eye on you, and you can't really just say, this person is in my kitchen, they attacked me. 0.98

01:11:15.000 You know?

01:11:16.000 You'd have to fight to the death.

01:11:18.000 You have to keep the lights and the heat, all that on as the homeowner.

01:11:22.000 Because if you shut it off, that's like a big red flag.

01:11:25.000 You're not allowed to do that.

01:11:26.000 They might not even be allowed to be in the home.

01:11:29.000 I think a lot of this came in New York City from the TIL program. 0.99

01:11:33.000 Well, in the 70s with all the houses and buildings just being completely abandoned and turned to shit. 0.98

01:11:40.000 A lot of people were squatting. 0.98

01:11:42.000 That's right.

01:11:42.000 Because they were, like, homeless.

01:11:43.000 So they were like, all right, well, we have to figure this out so that we don't have all these people on the street.

01:11:47.000 You know, Tompkins Square?

01:11:48.000 And then they just didn't change it.

01:11:49.000 Yeah.

01:11:50.000 In the 80s, I remember they...

01:11:52.000 Back, I guess that was, like, a Giuliani thing, actually, where they were like, we got these squatters in these buildings, and we want them out.

01:11:58.000 You know, like, in order to repurpose the building, they had to get all these people that had already set up power and all kinds of stuff to the buildings.

01:12:05.000 So the cops would go in, and then you would just see, like, a rush of, like, skinhead-looking dudes come...

01:12:11.000 Flying out through the park, and they would, like, tussle with the cops.

01:12:14.000 It was crazy.

01:12:15.000 And it was just like, they were squatters.

01:12:16.000 They were, like, you know, street kids that were living in these buildings. 1.00

01:12:20.000 Where the fuck did they go? 0.97

01:12:22.000 Well, that's when some of the best music came out in New York City. 0.99

01:12:25.000 They were all musicians squatting together, yeah.

01:12:28.000 Probably, right?

01:12:28.000 Yeah, totally.

01:12:29.000 Agnostic Front and, you know, Bad Brains and everything, they were all squatting. 1.00

01:12:34.000 Pro Mags.

01:12:36.000 Makes you legit.

01:12:37.000 Mm-hmm.

01:12:38.000 Yeah.

01:12:39.000 Well, as a homeowner, that's one of my biggest fears.

01:12:42.000 Squatting.

01:12:42.000 I'm on the road, I come back.

01:12:44.000 Someone's in your house.

01:12:45.000 Yeah, someone's in my house.

01:12:46.000 Hello, David. 0.95

01:12:47.000 If it's New York, some lady just, they think this lady got murdered because she went into a house that was her house to clean it up and there were squatters living there and then they fucking killed her and put her in a bag. 0.99

01:12:59.000 Yep. 0.99

01:13:00.000 Jesus.

01:13:01.000 Yeah.

01:13:01.000 The cutting them up, that's the thing.

01:13:03.000 And then there's, you know, then the problem is, like, good luck catching them.

01:13:06.000 You know, they're just gonna, there's no paperwork on these people.

01:13:09.000 They're just wandering around the city.

01:13:11.000 Squatters suspected of killing a woman in a New York City apartment stuffing her body into duffel bag.

01:13:17.000 Yeah.

01:13:19.000 Victims found squatter in mother's vacant apartment.

01:13:22.000 What a horrible way to go.

01:13:24.000 According to public sources, Vattels was killed after she traveled to New York City from Spain to get the apartment ready to be occupied by a family friend.

01:13:33.000 It had been vacant for months after the death of her mother.

01:13:36.000 Police sources say Vattels didn't know when she went to the apartment that two squatters had been living there.

01:13:40.000 And when she arrived, She could be seen on surveillance video coming and going from the apartment.

01:13:46.000 Police believe the two squatters returned to the apartment after Vattel's arrived, surprised, and killed her by beating her to death.

01:13:54.000 How do these squatters fight?

01:13:55.000 Are they on Zillow? 0.99

01:13:56.000 Like, what the fuck are they doing to find these old dark places? 0.98

01:14:00.000 Someone figures out that there's an apartment that's empty. 0.99

01:14:03.000 Jeez.

01:14:04.000 Jesus Christ.

01:14:05.000 Oh my God.

01:14:07.000 Wow, what a horrible death.

01:14:08.000 Do they have the two suspects?

01:14:09.000 Two suspects went to used car dealers after the crash looking to buy a car.

01:14:13.000 They remain at large.

01:14:15.000 Jesus Christ.

01:14:16.000 So they beat her to death and they're at large.

01:14:19.000 Video stealing her Lexus from the street out in front and fleeing.

01:14:23.000 The car police said, sources said, was later involved in an accident in Pennsylvania.

01:14:28.000 Well, they'll get them when they have to charge.

01:14:30.000 When they charge the Lexus.

01:14:33.000 They don't make electric cars.

01:14:36.000 Oh, sorry.

01:14:37.000 Lexus is, Japanese is Toyota. 1.00

01:14:40.000 Toyota believes in hybrids.

01:14:42.000 Toyota has a different strategy for EVs.

01:14:46.000 Can you imagine being a vicious murderer and getting away in a Prius?

01:14:50.000 Yeah, that's the car you want to take.

01:14:53.000 People wouldn't, unless you have too many stickers on the back.

01:14:57.000 Just a bunch of co-exist stickers.

01:14:59.000 Yeah, then you're violent.

01:15:00.000 You're probably really aggressive about your insistence that everyone co-exists.

01:15:05.000 Wow.

01:15:05.000 Did you guys see that video that Edward Snowden posted that shows Israel bombing these kids?

01:15:12.000 No.

01:15:13.000 They're just walking in Gaza.

01:15:15.000 Where?

01:15:16.000 It's horrible, dude.

01:15:17.000 It's horrible because they're clearly not armed.

01:15:20.000 Snowden?

01:15:20.000 They're just walking.

01:15:22.000 The Snowden.

01:15:22.000 Yeah, Edward Snowden put it on his Twitter.

01:15:24.000 And it's these young men are just walking down the street.

01:15:31.000 He's still in Russia, right?

01:15:33.000 Yeah, he has to hide in Russia.

01:15:36.000 So, these guys are just walking down the street, and they're clearly not armed.

01:15:42.000 This is like after the bombings and everything.

01:15:44.000 These people are probably going back to see if their house is there. 0.98

01:15:47.000 Who knows what the fuck they're doing, right? 0.97

01:15:48.000 What if they thought they were squatters? 0.99

01:15:50.000 Whoa, that's a hit.

01:15:52.000 Look how quick it happens.

01:15:53.000 Boom.

01:15:56.000 So that guy in the front is running away. 0.99

01:15:58.000 He's like, oh shit. 1.00

01:15:59.000 I gotta get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:16:01.000 And so they zoom in on him.

01:16:03.000 They stop running.

01:16:05.000 They got him too?

01:16:06.000 Oh yeah.

01:16:08.000 Bro, the way they do it, I mean, there's nothing left of you.

01:16:11.000 They're literally targeting you with a missile.

01:16:13.000 You just disappear.

01:16:15.000 Look at that.

01:16:15.000 Is it a missile or is it a drone?

01:16:18.000 Well, it's a missile coming from a drone.

01:16:21.000 Probably.

01:16:21.000 I mean, it might be coming from somewhere else.

01:16:23.000 I don't know where.

01:16:24.000 I believe it's a drone, though.

01:16:26.000 Isn't that what the contention is?

01:16:28.000 Wow.

01:16:29.000 Yeah, so they have drones that can do this, which is so insane, dude.

01:16:32.000 And they're not showing you the bodies because it's just a bloody mess.

01:16:34.000 You know what's so creepy?

01:16:35.000 Have you seen those drone videos in Ukraine and Russia?

01:16:38.000 And it's really good quality, and then they drop the little bomb on the guys, and then they put Russian techno music over it.

01:16:46.000 Yeah.

01:16:47.000 And it's so creepy.

01:16:50.000 It's so creepy.

01:16:50.000 You just see guys hanging out.

01:16:52.000 And then they just explode.

01:16:54.000 Well, that's what they say now, is that they can see everything at all times, so it's really hard to use tactics where we'll sneak up on them, and then we'll go this way.

01:17:03.000 They can't do that anymore.

01:17:04.000 Those kind of tactics are old now.

01:17:07.000 Yeah, but what do you do?

01:17:08.000 Satellites are everywhere.

01:17:09.000 Satellites are everywhere.

01:17:10.000 Drones are everywhere.

01:17:11.000 They have silent drones.

01:17:13.000 If you see a drone coming, are you just like, well, I accept death.

01:17:17.000 These guys think this tarp will help them.

01:17:19.000 Put a tarp up.

01:17:24.000 What's that?

01:17:28.000 Oh, so he's already been shot?

01:17:30.000 Oh, here it is.

01:17:33.000 Oh my god, dude.

01:17:36.000 It's pretty amazing how they figured that out.

01:17:38.000 That's a hard way to go. 1.00

01:17:40.000 Just drop a bomb from a fucking drone and cook everybody. 1.00

01:17:45.000 You should be able to hear it, right? 1.00

01:17:47.000 If it's a civilian drone, because they make that loud, that buzz, and then it's pretty...

01:17:52.000 Can you shoot it down?

01:17:53.000 Yeah, they have it shoot it down. 0.98

01:17:54.000 They also have that EMT blast on it where they can basically take control or stop the signal and it'll just land.

01:18:00.000 It's like a perk in Call of Duty.

01:18:02.000 It's insane.

01:18:03.000 Yeah, but I'm sure they probably have ones that avoid that stuff.

01:18:07.000 I think they just keep getting these things better.

01:18:10.000 How silent are the drones now?

01:18:13.000 Oh, did you hear about the drones that were hovering over the base that they think are from China?

01:18:17.000 And they had been hovering over there for weeks.

01:18:19.000 I didn't read that one, but yeah, I heard.

01:18:22.000 They've updated the balloons.

01:18:24.000 It's a, whatchamacallit, what base was that again?

01:18:27.000 I'll find it.

01:18:27.000 I've got this story.

01:18:29.000 Somebody sent it to me, I saved it.

01:18:31.000 But it's a scary story, because it says for weeks.

01:18:34.000 Man, I hate to jinx it, but it's just like, you know, These things you can just buy and that the fact that, you know, luckily no people in this country have used it like the way they're using it, we're really lucky.

01:18:48.000 I mean, honestly.

01:18:48.000 Think about all the situations.

01:18:50.000 Are we lucky or is it just a matter of time?

01:18:52.000 Well, evidently whatever they're doing is like, you know, just think of like New Year's Eve, all those different like gatherings, you know, a game, you know, it could be even like a high school.

01:19:01.000 Hey Dave, how about stop giving the enemy ideas?

01:19:02.000 Oh, sorry. 1.00

01:19:03.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:19:04.000 Fuck, dude. 1.00

01:19:04.000 I'm trying to connect to our, you know, what we call it, your first responder fan base. 1.00

01:19:11.000 Your contractors and whatnot, but I'm sure that's a big, uh, keeps them up at night thinking about that stuff, you know? 0.99

01:19:17.000 Dude, that fucking video's horrible. 1.00

01:19:19.000 All those videos are horrible. 1.00

01:19:20.000 The video of those guys in Gaza is horrible.

01:19:22.000 Can we go back to sharks?

01:19:23.000 How about the...

01:19:24.000 Well, I was gonna say, the Ukrainians have those, uh, those drones now that take out the ships, you know, the sea babies, they call them. 0.99

01:19:31.000 Look at this.

01:19:31.000 Which is just...

01:19:32.000 Mysterious drones swarmed Langley Air Force Base for weeks.

01:19:36.000 For weeks.

01:19:37.000 The unidentified drones were such an issue that assets were called in from around the government, including NASA WB-57 high-altitude jet.

01:19:47.000 Wow.

01:19:48.000 So what does it say these things looked like?

01:19:51.000 Yeah.

01:19:52.000 A dragon.

01:19:55.000 The Chinese dragon drone.

01:19:57.000 That would be a dope way for China to show, to really flex. 0.98

01:20:01.000 Make a drone that looks like a dragon.

01:20:03.000 Does it say what the description of these things were?

01:20:08.000 That's the F-35. 0.99

01:20:09.000 That's what I think a lot of this alien shit is. 0.99

01:20:12.000 Yeah, that's what they're saying now, too. 0.99

01:20:14.000 A lot of it, I think, is drone technology.

01:20:17.000 They won't admit to it, but it's out there.

01:20:20.000 To protect operational security, we do not discuss impacts to operations.

01:20:25.000 The statement said, we don't discuss our specific force protection measures, but retain the right to protect the installation.

01:20:32.000 Langley continues to monitor our airspace and work with local law enforcement and other federal agencies to ensure the safety of base personnel, facilities, and assets.

01:20:42.000 Does it say...

01:20:44.000 But anything flying in our restricted airspace can pose a threat to flight safety.

01:20:59.000 Interesting.

01:21:01.000 Uncrewed aerial system.

01:21:02.000 It could also test the reaction time.

01:21:04.000 Is that a drone?

01:21:05.000 Yeah, it must be.

01:21:06.000 It must be a drone.

01:21:08.000 Because...

01:21:09.000 That means they're not saying it's a UAP. They think it's a drone.

01:21:14.000 What is the most sophisticated drone currently available?

01:21:17.000 Google most sophisticated military drone.

01:21:23.000 That we know of?

01:21:25.000 Yeah, just Google that term.

01:21:26.000 Most sophisticated military drone.

01:21:29.000 A picture of Obama pops up.

01:21:32.000 They have the ones that are like little fighters now.

01:21:37.000 They're like able to do turns that no human could take.

01:21:40.000 Do they have little ones that buzz and have like machine guns on them?

01:21:43.000 Look at this one.

01:21:44.000 Well, that one's, yeah, that's a spy.

01:21:47.000 That's cool.

01:21:48.000 That can fly for days.

01:21:50.000 Okay, so here we got Dassault Neuron.

01:21:54.000 That is cool. 1.00

01:21:55.000 Look at these fucking things. 1.00

01:21:56.000 With the propeller in the back. 1.00

01:21:58.000 Wow. 0.99

01:21:59.000 They must be loud as shit, though, no? 1.00

01:22:01.000 They have a power plant in them. 1.00

01:22:04.000 Well, I guess, I mean, it's an engine, I guess.

01:22:07.000 Yeah.

01:22:08.000 Rolls-Royce engine.

01:22:10.000 Shout out to Rolls.

01:22:11.000 Turbocharged piston engine.

01:22:13.000 That'd be loud, right?

01:22:14.000 A turbocharged...

01:22:15.000 Turbocharged piston engine?

01:22:17.000 Yeah, that'd be loud.

01:22:18.000 450 horsepower?

01:22:19.000 That's pretty fast for that little thing.

01:22:22.000 It is cool.

01:22:23.000 Yeah.

01:22:24.000 You see the ones with the Ukraine with the boats, where they're taking out the Russian Navy?

01:22:29.000 That is pretty cool how they did that.

01:22:31.000 Whoa, look at that thing. 0.92

01:22:32.000 Look at the size of that.

01:22:32.000 That's huge.

01:22:33.000 Holy shit, I didn't know they were that big. 1.00

01:22:36.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:22:38.000 Wow. 0.99

01:22:40.000 That's a crazy flying robot that can murder you. 0.99

01:22:44.000 How nutty is that? 0.96

01:22:47.000 That's one of those things where it just flies over.

01:22:50.000 Every phone call immediately saps it up.

01:22:52.000 But which one of these have missiles?

01:22:55.000 So some of these must be just spies.

01:22:57.000 That one does.

01:22:58.000 Those are the hellfires.

01:23:00.000 I think then you have to make it so it can have missiles.

01:23:03.000 I think they can probably do that to almost any of them.

01:23:05.000 Look at the little one the guy has in his hand.

01:23:10.000 Can I play too?

01:23:14.000 I'm just annoying.

01:23:18.000 Yeah, I guess they wouldn't make one that couldn't shoot a missile, right?

01:23:21.000 The little one just collects gossip. 1.00

01:23:25.000 Guess who's...

01:23:26.000 Look at that.

01:23:28.000 The missiles just sit.

01:23:29.000 Go back to that picture you just showed.

01:23:32.000 The one you just showed with the missiles in the bottom of it?

01:23:35.000 Yeah, that's the classic.

01:23:36.000 That's pretty wild. 1.00

01:23:37.000 Goddamn. 0.98

01:23:38.000 Awesome. 0.92

01:23:39.000 So it's got two missiles, and what are those two things beside the missiles?

01:23:42.000 Bombs.

01:23:43.000 Rocket missiles.

01:23:44.000 Those are different kinds.

01:23:45.000 Wow.

01:23:46.000 These can probably go really far.

01:23:47.000 They might be guns.

01:23:49.000 Might be defensive.

01:23:50.000 Maybe. 1.00

01:23:51.000 Right, to shut, like, flares and shit. 1.00

01:23:54.000 Air to ground. 0.99

01:23:54.000 Because they do that when someone's shooting a missile at them. 0.99

01:23:57.000 They'll shoot off a flare to detract the heat-seeking missile. 0.99

01:24:00.000 And these are just the ones we know about, because there's got to be some shit. 1.00

01:24:03.000 Oh, yeah, for sure. 0.99

01:24:05.000 Again, that's what I think a lot of that stuff is, that people are reporting.

01:24:08.000 Do you think?

01:24:09.000 Yeah, that's what I think.

01:24:10.000 I think a lot of these things that people are seeing that they think are UFO is just some super sophisticated propulsion system.

01:24:17.000 Some of them are really creepy though.

01:24:20.000 Like the way they hover around or fly around.

01:24:22.000 Like the one they showed like one or two from in the Middle East.

01:24:25.000 Just like it did look like it was either a UFO or a monster or some kind of like...

01:24:30.000 There's one that looks like a jellyfish but it's flying around.

01:24:33.000 It's got like stuff hanging off of it.

01:24:35.000 Like what is that?

01:24:36.000 That one's very weird because that one goes in the ocean too.

01:24:38.000 That one's scary.

01:24:40.000 It goes into the ocean and then comes back out.

01:24:43.000 Remember, I told you last time, I looked something up like this.

01:24:45.000 This thing came out in 2014. That is so cool!

01:24:47.000 It says it's a drone.

01:24:49.000 And it goes underwater.

01:24:50.000 And it goes underwater.

01:24:51.000 But I couldn't find anywhere that this thing was being sold.

01:24:54.000 It had a Kickstarter-type program.

01:24:57.000 Oh, neat.

01:24:57.000 Like 10 years ago.

01:24:59.000 But here's the problem with this, even pretending that that's real.

01:25:03.000 What's the propulsion system?

01:25:05.000 It may have not ever been real if people were questioning that.

01:25:08.000 No, I don't think it's real.

01:25:08.000 I think it's a basketball.

01:25:11.000 I think it is.

01:25:12.000 I really do.

01:25:13.000 Look at how the bottom where it's screwed down.

01:25:16.000 I think that's like a volleyball or a basketball or something.

01:25:19.000 I think that's totally fake.

01:25:20.000 Because there's no method of propulsion.

01:25:23.000 You can't just have a basketball that flies. 1.00

01:25:26.000 Liquid gravity engine, shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:25:28.000 It says sphere-shaped, no outside propellers or moving parts, but then it doesn't say how it flies. 0.99

01:25:32.000 Look at the golf ball.

01:25:33.000 There's no video of it.

01:25:34.000 Exactly.

01:25:35.000 They use a golf ball as one of them. 1.00

01:25:36.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:25:37.000 That thing's fake as fuck. 1.00

01:25:38.000 It's got one eye. 1.00

01:25:39.000 You have to have an exhaust. 0.98

01:25:42.000 Every fucking propulsion system that we know of right now has to have either a fan, like you've got to have a propeller, or you have to have an engine that shoots stuff out the back and makes you go forward. 0.98

01:25:53.000 That's it. 0.97

01:25:54.000 So these things that people keep seeing that don't operate like that, that's what makes me think the government has something.

01:25:59.000 That doesn't need a traditional combustion engine for a propulsion system.

01:26:04.000 They're not going to have it on Google.

01:26:06.000 Yeah, they're not going to tell you. 0.99

01:26:07.000 They're not going to tell you shit. 1.00

01:26:08.000 They don't have to tell you shit. 1.00

01:26:10.000 I wouldn't tell them. 0.99

01:26:11.000 I wouldn't tell the whole world what we could do. 0.96

01:26:13.000 Get the fuck out of here.

01:26:14.000 I just make it better every year to the point where it's basically a UFO. And if you just think about the unlimited amount of money that they've had, and they've been designing military vehicles and jet engines and fucking, they've been doing that for decades! 0.99

01:26:28.000 All that time, making one thing that no one knows about better and better and better and better, flying around Area 51. I bet there's a lot of those that people are seeing.

01:26:39.000 They're like, oh my god, they're real.

01:26:42.000 They're just like, yeah, aliens are real.

01:26:45.000 But it's just us testing.

01:26:47.000 And also, I think aliens are real.

01:26:49.000 I do too.

01:26:50.000 In what way?

01:26:52.000 I'm hoping they are.

01:26:53.000 I really am hoping they are real.

01:26:55.000 I really do.

01:26:56.000 He changed his tune quick.

01:26:57.000 No, I didn't ever say I didn't believe it.

01:27:00.000 I think the things he was just talking about, I'm like, some of them are secret projects, some of them are aliens.

01:27:04.000 That's what I'm hoping.

01:27:05.000 There is definitely another presence here, like in this world or whatever it is.

01:27:10.000 And that there has to be something to explain a lot of these sightings, which are not explainable.

01:27:17.000 It's real likely that both things are true.

01:27:20.000 Because it just doesn't make any sense with the universe as big as it is that there's no one else out there.

01:27:25.000 And if they do develop the ability to go way past where we are, they should be able to be invisible.

01:27:33.000 That should be easy.

01:27:34.000 They should be able to come here anytime they want.

01:27:36.000 That should be easy.

01:27:37.000 If you look at a species like ours that's this intelligent as the human species, if we got one million years more advanced, One million years more. 0.98

01:27:47.000 Who the fuck knows what we can do? 0.87

01:27:50.000 We're gonna be weird in five years from now. 0.97

01:27:53.000 Five years from now with AI, things are gonna be off the charts weird.

01:27:57.000 So imagine that just keeps going for a million years, which is really possible. 0.52

01:28:02.000 I mean, crocodiles have been around for fucking 65 million years or whatever. 0.92

01:28:06.000 It's totally possible. 0.97

01:28:07.000 Well, do you remember that cab driver in Vegas that told us that?

01:28:11.000 This guy's very UFO. He's got a lot of UFO stories, this guy.

01:28:15.000 He told us what was the portal.

01:28:17.000 One of the casinos was a portal for aliens.

01:28:19.000 Oh, it's got to be service.

01:28:20.000 He said there's a secret railway under like the MGM Grand and that...

01:28:24.000 That's where aliens are coming from, Area 51. It's like, I've never even heard of this theory.

01:28:28.000 And he was like, no, it's true.

01:28:29.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

01:28:30.000 And yeah, he had a lot of them.

01:28:32.000 He was like, there's no way 250 humans at one time would want to go to a casino.

01:28:37.000 Yeah, that was his joke at the end.

01:28:39.000 Are you joking?

01:28:40.000 Yeah.

01:28:42.000 I don't know if he was driving us or driving away from his ex-wife, but we were driving for a long time.

01:28:46.000 If I was going to be an alien, I want to abduct some people, though.

01:28:49.000 I think Vegas would be a good spot.

01:28:50.000 No one would miss them.

01:28:51.000 Not only that, they'd be so confused.

01:28:53.000 Like, I don't know.

01:28:54.000 I think someone spiked my drink.

01:28:56.000 All of a sudden, I was on an alien spaceship.

01:28:59.000 In Vegas, everything goes.

01:29:02.000 There's always a new thing to do, so that would definitely become the sphere.

01:29:07.000 Imagine if there was an abduction program.

01:29:10.000 You could actually get abducted.

01:29:12.000 Instead of abducting us and just ruining people's lives, what if we made a deal with the UFOs?

01:29:18.000 Hey, listen, you guys got it all wrong.

01:29:19.000 We're willing to get abducted.

01:29:21.000 You can take us on board and do experiments on people.

01:29:25.000 We don't care.

01:29:26.000 We're totally willing to be your guinea pig.

01:29:29.000 Influencers would try to do that.

01:29:31.000 100%! 0.99

01:29:33.000 Live streaming while you're getting your anal probe. 0.99

01:29:37.000 It's worth it! 0.99

01:29:39.000 Yeah, if they really wanted to come and abduct us, we would be more than willing to let them.

01:29:44.000 You don't really have to force us.

01:29:45.000 What if the aliens is technology, in terms of how advanced it's gotten in such a short period of time, and then the people using it are just basically drones that are using this exposed technology?

01:29:59.000 Well, it's possible that that's the future of life.

01:30:02.000 The future of life is we integrate with technology, and that's the only way, because the biological The evolutionary process is really slow, but the technological evolutionary process is really fast, like crazy fast.

01:30:16.000 Like you can have a whole new thing in a year, whereas like a whole new species, like God, how does that even happen?

01:30:24.000 You know, how does that even happen?

01:30:25.000 And then, like, when species are hybrids, they're not valuable, so, like, some of them aren't, some of them aren't, and it's like, what?

01:30:31.000 How long does it take to make a human out of a monkey?

01:30:34.000 How long does it take to make a monkey out of an amoeba?

01:30:36.000 It's too long!

01:30:38.000 They don't have that time!

01:30:38.000 It's too long!

01:30:40.000 That's too long!

01:30:41.000 But if you can integrate with technology, then you have an insane ability to adapt.

01:30:48.000 And then probably you just stop being a person.

01:30:51.000 Probably will realize that once...

01:30:53.000 I think that's already out there.

01:30:54.000 People stop being people.

01:30:55.000 It's a little bit.

01:30:56.000 We have a little bit, right?

01:30:57.000 Yeah.

01:30:58.000 You know the whole send people to Mars?

01:31:00.000 I was looking at how long it takes to get anywhere.

01:31:03.000 It takes about six days, three days to get to the moon, which is doable.

01:31:06.000 That's why the moon is the way to go.

01:31:08.000 Mars is like nine months to a year.

01:31:10.000 But then the other planets, let's say we're like in a whatever, at our current ability to travel, like Jupiter, 25 years.

01:31:18.000 And there's really nothing there except for that Io moon, whatever that is.

01:31:21.000 I hope I'm not saying it wrong.

01:31:23.000 But the fact that we're not built for outer space and yet we keep craving this whole thing, when you're right, it should be some kind of techno hybrid of a human, something that would be able to do that, you know?

01:31:34.000 Yeah, and it'll probably, if you become a machine instead of a person, you don't have to worry about being crushed by gravity, because you'll have a carbon fiber hull, and all your orgasms will happen from an app, and then you'll be able to- I volunteer.

01:31:49.000 Radiation, all that stuff, because space is a killer.

01:31:52.000 It's not built for carbon people.

01:31:54.000 If you're that thing, and you're taking 25 years to get to Jupiter, will the technology exist to make you not be bored?

01:31:59.000 What are you going to do for 25 years?

01:32:01.000 They should put you to sleep.

01:32:02.000 You're going to be playing video games the entire flight.

01:32:04.000 It's going to be amazing.

01:32:05.000 You've been preparing us for years.

01:32:07.000 Do you know how quick six months of video games would go by on your trip to Mars?

01:32:10.000 It would be so quick. 0.73

01:32:11.000 You just have a local area network set up, and you and the other astronauts just fucking geeking out all day. 1.00

01:32:17.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

01:32:18.000 They're coming for you! 1.00

01:32:19.000 Guard your flank!

01:32:20.000 Guard your flank! 1.00

01:32:22.000 You're fucking just drinking Mountain Dew and smiling. 0.99

01:32:25.000 If you knew that you didn't have any responsibilities other than playing video games, you know how quick six months could go by? 1.00

01:32:32.000 Ah, that sounds like hell, though.

01:32:33.000 You know, not for me.

01:32:34.000 You would've got all the games.

01:32:36.000 All the games.

01:32:37.000 I mean, don't you want to get up and move around?

01:32:39.000 Maybe not. 0.99

01:32:40.000 Maybe if you just put that fucking Mark Zuckerberg headset on, you can pretend you're moving around. 1.00

01:32:45.000 Is there a dick-sucking robot that I could use? 1.00

01:32:46.000 Oh, there definitely is that. 1.00

01:32:47.000 Okay, I'm in.

01:32:49.000 That's probably already here.

01:32:50.000 They already have that in China.

01:32:52.000 They're probably testing it out right now.

01:32:55.000 What is it called again?

01:32:57.000 It's a fembot or something. 0.98

01:32:58.000 It's a sex doll, but it's whatever you have to... 0.99

01:33:02.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:33:03.000 Those are coming.

01:33:04.000 Those are coming.

01:33:05.000 Have you seen that robot that cooks and sets up your kitchen for you? 1.00

01:33:09.000 The robot puts plates away and shit. 1.00

01:33:11.000 I think it's called a wife. 1.00

01:33:13.000 Ow! 1.00

01:33:16.000 You son of a bitch! 1.00

01:33:18.000 Yeah, there's a new AI-powered chat GPT robot that does simple tasks around the kitchen. 1.00

01:33:25.000 But it communicates with you like a person even says, um.

01:33:28.000 It's very weird.

01:33:29.000 Oh, like it's thinking.

01:33:30.000 It goes, um.

01:33:31.000 So, the reason why I did that is I'm putting these plates away in this rack and you'll dump garbage on the table and say, please clean that up.

01:33:41.000 Surely.

01:33:42.000 Look at this.

01:33:44.000 What? 0.85

01:33:45.000 Why you did what you just did while you pick up this trash?

01:33:52.000 On it.

01:33:53.000 So I gave you the apple because it's the only edible item I could provide you with from the table.

01:33:59.000 Oh, that is so weird.

01:34:01.000 Oh, look at that.

01:34:04.000 What?

01:34:05.000 Yeah.

01:34:06.000 Great.

01:34:06.000 It stands too.

01:34:07.000 Based on the scene right now, where do you think the dishes in front of you go next?

01:34:14.000 So it's analyzing the image.

01:34:17.000 It's slow right now.

01:34:18.000 The dishes on the table, like that plate and cup, are likely to go into the drying rack next.

01:34:23.000 Why does that sound like it's narrating This American Life?

01:34:25.000 It's got a raspy voice.

01:34:27.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:34:28.000 It's like a dude.

01:34:30.000 It is weird.

01:34:32.000 That really looks like a puppet.

01:34:33.000 It doesn't look like a robot.

01:34:35.000 No, man.

01:34:35.000 It does a lot of other things as well.

01:34:37.000 That's amazing.

01:34:38.000 That is truly amazing.

01:34:39.000 Look how it puts the dish into the drying rack. 0.90

01:34:41.000 Does it apologize if it makes a mistake? 1.00

01:34:43.000 If it breaks your dick? 1.00

01:34:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:34:45.000 Rips it right off?

01:34:46.000 I'm sorry.

01:34:47.000 I applied too much force.

01:34:48.000 My bad.

01:34:49.000 Will that eventually have like a skin covering or will it look like that?

01:34:52.000 Oh yeah, 100%.

01:34:53.000 It did pretty well.

01:34:54.000 The Apple found its new owner, the trash is gone, and the tableware is right where it belongs. 0.99

01:34:59.000 I call bullshit. 0.99

01:35:00.000 You don't see that guy's face every time he talks. 1.00

01:35:02.000 That guy is a ventriloquist.

01:35:04.000 That man is speaking for the...

01:35:06.000 What a cheap act, too. 0.58

01:35:12.000 Hey, buddy, how about you get behind the table with him?

01:35:14.000 Yeah, let's drink a glass of water. 1.00

01:35:16.000 Fucking fraud. 1.00

01:35:17.000 Show it dynamic walking. 1.00

01:35:19.000 The dynamic walking one is wild.

01:35:21.000 So this thing, by the way, it doesn't have to have that giant metal plate over its chest, but it does if it doesn't want you to kill it.

01:35:27.000 That's amazing.

01:35:28.000 It looks bulletproof. 0.94

01:35:29.000 You're going to have to shoot it in the lens.

01:35:31.000 But look at it walk around and move.

01:35:33.000 Amazing.

01:35:34.000 That's amazing.

01:35:35.000 And this is, think about like a Model T and then think about a Tesla.

01:35:39.000 Okay?

01:35:39.000 A Model T is this slow, chunky...

01:35:43.000 What a dork. 1.00

01:35:44.000 Look at him. 1.00

01:35:44.000 Look at his hips move. 1.00

01:35:46.000 Sexy.

01:35:47.000 That's crazy.

01:35:48.000 Isn't that wild?

01:35:49.000 But think about a Model T, right? 1.00

01:35:50.000 Model T is like big stupid wooden wheels. 1.00

01:35:53.000 I've seen this. 1.00

01:35:54.000 This is really nuts.

01:35:56.000 Look at that.

01:35:56.000 This is almost two years ago that it could do this.

01:35:59.000 Look how agile it is.

01:36:01.000 This is Boston Dynamics.

01:36:03.000 And so they can do all kinds of things. 0.99

01:36:06.000 They can fucking saw wood. 0.99

01:36:08.000 They can do construction. 0.99

01:36:10.000 They can hop up on boxes.

01:36:11.000 Look at this.

01:36:13.000 This is before AI, right?

01:36:15.000 Well, they had AI, but they didn't have AI available to everybody.

01:36:20.000 Because now in the future, you'd look at something like this and go like, this is probably not really happening.

01:36:24.000 This is real.

01:36:26.000 This is real.

01:36:27.000 Look how it jumps. 0.98

01:36:29.000 They programmed it to hop around gay. 0.98

01:36:30.000 That is amazing, man. 0.96

01:36:32.000 They programmed it to toss the stuff up to them.

01:36:34.000 This is so much better than a lazy dock worker.

01:36:38.000 Some guy doesn't like his job and needs a cigarette break. 1.00

01:36:40.000 This fucking thing is ready to go. 1.00

01:36:42.000 And if they figure out how to make... 1.00

01:36:44.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:36:44.000 Oh, yo, it does acrobatics. 0.71

01:36:47.000 It's a gymnast.

01:36:48.000 And if they figure out a way to make very small nuclear-powered engines, which I think they're already doing.

01:36:55.000 I think there's...

01:36:56.000 Isn't there...

01:36:57.000 Is it China that has a small nuclear-powered power plant?

01:37:01.000 Yes. 0.99

01:37:02.000 So they'll be able to make a nuclear-powered power plant that's the size of a fucking cell phone and stuff it in that thing. 0.99

01:37:08.000 It'll be able to go for 90 years. 1.00

01:37:10.000 Holy shit, like a battery, like a nuclear battery. 0.99

01:37:13.000 They already have that, where they use it to power. 0.99

01:37:15.000 They used to do it for spacecraft, but you're right.

01:37:17.000 Then it would be endless.

01:37:18.000 Nuclear battery produces power for 50 years without needing to charge.

01:37:22.000 That's crazy.

01:37:23.000 Betavolt says its battery can power mobile phones that never need to be charged and drones that can fly forever.

01:37:30.000 Forever.

01:37:31.000 Would you really want a nuclear-powered phone though?

01:37:33.000 That's the one thing. 1.00

01:37:33.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:37:34.000 You would? 1.00

01:37:35.000 Yeah, I want my balls to glow. 0.99

01:37:36.000 I'm tired of charging. 0.98

01:37:37.000 That's one of those, I don't know about that version.

01:37:39.000 I'm willing to wear like an external case to put the phone in.

01:37:43.000 It's like some sort of a shield from the...

01:37:45.000 I'm sure the government wouldn't allow these companies to sell it if it was dangerous.

01:37:49.000 So just...

01:37:50.000 No.

01:37:50.000 Let's just let it get out there and let's just let the pieces fall where they may.

01:37:54.000 True. 1.00

01:37:55.000 Don't be a pussy. 1.00

01:37:56.000 Okay. 1.00

01:37:56.000 Don't you want a robot? 1.00

01:37:57.000 Just accept.

01:37:58.000 I like the robot thing, though.

01:38:00.000 Don't you want a robot? 1.00

01:38:01.000 We're going to get robot fuck dolls for shizzy. 1.00

01:38:04.000 People are so anti-robot already. 0.99

01:38:06.000 They had the, what was that in San Francisco, the self-driving taxi.

01:38:10.000 They lit it on fire.

01:38:11.000 Oh, I've seen that!

01:38:12.000 It was basically like the Amish people.

01:38:16.000 They attacked it, they destroyed it.

01:38:18.000 Yeah, but they do that to regular taxis in San Francisco.

01:38:21.000 Again, this is a sampling bias. 0.90

01:38:23.000 You've got homeless, crazy fentanyl zombies that are just trying to smash everything. 1.00

01:38:28.000 People leave their fucking windows rolled down and their keys... 1.00

01:38:32.000 In Canada, they're telling them to leave their keys outside their foyer. 0.99

01:38:36.000 They're telling them to leave your keys near the door so that people don't have to roam through your house if they're trying to steal your car.

01:38:42.000 Really?

01:38:43.000 Home invasion.

01:38:44.000 Jesus Christ.

01:38:45.000 They said, listen, to make it easier, just leave the keys outside.

01:38:48.000 Like, what?

01:38:50.000 How about...

01:38:50.000 It's a new low.

01:38:51.000 Stop people from stealing my fucking car! 1.00

01:38:53.000 What am I paying in taxes for, you fuckheads? 1.00

01:38:56.000 It's like clean needle centers, where like, if you're gonna do the drugs, you just do it in the house. 0.99

01:38:59.000 No, no, but clean needle centers are a lot more reasonable.

01:39:01.000 I like that kind of drug.

01:39:03.000 San Francisco reverses plans to allow police robots to kill suspects.

01:39:06.000 Yeah!

01:39:06.000 You're gonna need it soon.

01:39:07.000 But this is how bad San Francisco's got.

01:39:10.000 This was a suggestion.

01:39:12.000 Yep.

01:39:12.000 They actually have a robot.

01:39:15.000 They're like, not yet.

01:39:16.000 Not yet.

01:39:16.000 Let's wait till things go really sideways.

01:39:18.000 Are they working on, like, technology for us to read thoughts?

01:39:22.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:23.000 What about, like, learning what our cats are thinking?

01:39:27.000 Let's slow down on the tech.

01:39:28.000 You don't want to know what your cats are saying.

01:39:29.000 Your cats are thinking, I wish you were small so I could eat you.

01:39:32.000 Nuh-uh.

01:39:32.000 Not my cat.

01:39:33.000 My cat's gone.

01:39:34.000 I love you.

01:39:35.000 When you die, they eat you almost immediately. 0.98

01:39:37.000 Good.

01:39:37.000 I want to be one with my cat.

01:39:39.000 Let's take a piss break, because I've got to piss too.

01:39:41.000 Let's pause this pitch right here. 1.00

01:39:43.000 What the fuck are you doing, Dave? 0.99

01:39:45.000 You're living in 1995. Exactly. 1.00

01:39:49.000 You know he sends me emails with no body and everything's in the subject?

01:39:56.000 How long is the subject?

01:39:58.000 It's so long.

01:39:59.000 I forget to return, so it's all up there.

01:40:03.000 It's the best.

01:40:04.000 How about the great sound when I'm doing it, like Morse code?

01:40:07.000 This is madness.

01:40:07.000 How long does this take for you to accomplish this?

01:40:10.000 I'm done.

01:40:11.000 Same.

01:40:13.000 So you don't have an iPhone at all anymore?

01:40:15.000 I have one too, but this is me off the grid.

01:40:17.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:40:17.000 This is my, uh, uh, when shit happens. 0.99

01:40:20.000 Right here, I'm ready to go. 0.98

01:40:21.000 So what do you use that one for?

01:40:23.000 Like, who do you text on that?

01:40:24.000 No, this one's, like, just, like, for all my texting.

01:40:27.000 The other one's for emails and stuff.

01:40:28.000 Wait a minute.

01:40:28.000 You text on that?

01:40:30.000 Yeah.

01:40:30.000 Mm-hmm.

01:40:31.000 So when I text you, you text me on that?

01:40:33.000 Yeah, I do.

01:40:33.000 Can't you feel it?

01:40:34.000 The cold?

01:40:35.000 That's why there's like 10 spaces in between words.

01:40:38.000 That is so insane.

01:40:39.000 I'm sending you a text right now.

01:40:40.000 I want to see what happens.

01:40:41.000 That is so insane.

01:40:46.000 This is good.

01:40:48.000 Oh my god.

01:40:49.000 Yeah, it comes up green.

01:40:54.000 Just wait.

01:40:55.000 Wait for the sound, Dave.

01:40:57.000 You texting or you calling?

01:40:58.000 I'm texting you.

01:40:59.000 Tell me about your upcoming weekend at the mothership.

01:41:04.000 Might take a while.

01:41:06.000 No, it doesn't have voice to text either, does it?

01:41:09.000 No.

01:41:10.000 If it did, I wouldn't do that anyhow.

01:41:12.000 Really?

01:41:13.000 I'm like super paranoid with the web and everything, so this is like...

01:41:16.000 But yet you have an iPhone.

01:41:17.000 I do, but you know, that's, whatchamacallit, bait and switch.

01:41:22.000 Okay, let's see if I get it.

01:41:24.000 Did you get it yet?

01:41:25.000 I did.

01:41:26.000 No.

01:41:27.000 Okay.

01:41:28.000 I didn't get it.

01:41:28.000 Wait, where's it going to make the sound?

01:41:29.000 Your name isn't.

01:41:30.000 They always make sounds?

01:41:32.000 Every time you text a button it makes a sound?

01:41:34.000 Yeah.

01:41:34.000 That doesn't drive you nuts?

01:41:35.000 It really annoys people too.

01:41:37.000 Yeah.

01:41:37.000 So it takes you like four presses to get an S still?

01:41:41.000 You're doing that thing?

01:41:41.000 Yeah.

01:41:42.000 You gotta really want it.

01:41:47.000 That is so nuts.

01:41:48.000 I can't even find your thing yet.

01:41:49.000 It'll take me days.

01:41:50.000 Do you remember when people started using U, like the letter U, instead of Y-O-U, because of that?

01:41:55.000 A time saver.

01:41:56.000 Just a little time saver.

01:41:58.000 It doesn't even have emojis on it.

01:42:00.000 Any emoji is now inappropriate.

01:42:02.000 He still uses emoticons, like a colon and a parenthesis.

01:42:05.000 I use those sometimes too.

01:42:06.000 For a smiley face.

01:42:07.000 Well, are you guys done with this tech beatdown?

01:42:12.000 It's like I'm a tech hoarder.

01:42:14.000 Come out of the house, buddy!

01:42:15.000 Come on, we love you!

01:42:17.000 How long have you been flip-phone?

01:42:20.000 I have one in my house which I'm sure is worth a lot of money because it has the antenna on it.

01:42:25.000 So that's like my retirement plan.

01:42:27.000 I'm going to sell that to a museum or some collector or something like that.

01:42:30.000 And I'm like, man, I can't believe we actually used to think this did something.

01:42:35.000 Yeah.

01:42:35.000 Oh, I can't really hear you.

01:42:36.000 Hold on a second.

01:42:37.000 Yeah.

01:42:38.000 Hey, now it's up.

01:42:39.000 I can hear you too clear.

01:42:41.000 Let me put it down just a little bit.

01:42:42.000 I think you probably did a little something.

01:42:44.000 Yeah, but you had one of these.

01:42:45.000 Actually, that reminds me of a story about you.

01:42:48.000 Bill Blumenreith, you know what he said to me?

01:42:51.000 He goes, you know, back in the day, one of the comics who always worked was Joe.

01:42:56.000 And you know why?

01:42:57.000 I go, why?

01:42:57.000 He goes, he had a cell phone before anybody else.

01:43:00.000 So whenever there was a fallout, I would call Joe.

01:43:03.000 Joe was there.

01:43:04.000 Joe wanted it.

01:43:05.000 And I was like, wow.

01:43:06.000 So it was like a cool story about, like, just as we went from, like, you know, calling someone on a landline to, like, a cell phone and that you were ahead of the game.

01:43:14.000 This was like 89. Easily.

01:43:16.000 I went in my car.

01:43:17.000 Easily, yeah.

01:43:18.000 Yeah.

01:43:18.000 And that's how it was for the young comics.

01:43:20.000 You know, having a car was a good thing.

01:43:23.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:43:23.000 Oh, my God.

01:43:24.000 You needed a car to get around.

01:43:25.000 If you didn't have a car, you're not getting the gigs.

01:43:28.000 If you had to have someone drive you to gigs, ugh.

01:43:31.000 Yeah, that didn't happen.

01:43:32.000 Because, like, I could get a call from Bloom, right?

01:43:34.000 Like, hey, someone just got sick.

01:43:36.000 That was it.

01:43:36.000 Yeah, that's what he's saying.

01:43:37.000 In two hours, there's a gig in New Hampshire.

01:43:40.000 Can you make it?

01:43:40.000 I'm like, I'm on my way.

01:43:41.000 That's awesome.

01:43:42.000 Yeah, because you wanted it.

01:43:43.000 Yeah, and he would tell me over the phone, okay, you're going to take the 405 North.

01:43:47.000 You'd have to, like, write it down.

01:43:48.000 So I had these pieces of paper that were like, you know, Dick's Chucklefuck and whatever the place was.

01:43:55.000 Because Dick Daugherty had a bunch of them.

01:43:57.000 Dick Daugherty had like the Comedy Hut and all these different comedies.

01:44:00.000 The Comedy Vault.

01:44:01.000 That's awesome.

01:44:02.000 That Boston scene must have been like...

01:44:04.000 Because, you know, talk about New York, like, you know, starting out.

01:44:06.000 I always felt like there was definitely more...

01:44:09.000 Rooms, more open mics and stuff like that.

01:44:11.000 But Boston, they were paying gigs if you could do them, if you could headline.

01:44:16.000 And there were so many local, great headliners that you really like swimming with sharks, basically.

01:44:21.000 There were so many guys that could just basically blow you off the stage at any minute.

01:44:27.000 And they would do it to people on purpose.

01:44:28.000 They did it to me.

01:44:29.000 I know that.

01:44:30.000 Were they at Knicks?

01:44:30.000 Really?

01:44:31.000 They would just come, like the hooky lao or something like that. 0.96

01:44:34.000 Like, you don't mind if I do a little time and it was like 40 minutes of solid, you know, every Boston thing they could throw at me.

01:44:41.000 And then I'm up there with my, like, you know, little people jokes.

01:44:46.000 To be polite.

01:44:48.000 Hey, you guys, leprechauns, nothing.

01:44:51.000 Nothing.

01:44:52.000 You know, go home!

01:44:54.000 You know, screaming at you.

01:44:56.000 They did it on purpose to people.

01:44:57.000 Oh, for sure.

01:44:58.000 And we deserved it, too, by the way.

01:45:00.000 Well, they had an attitude about the rest of the world when it came to comedy.

01:45:04.000 They felt like the best comics were in Boston, but they all stayed in Boston.

01:45:07.000 And whenever guys would come from out of town that were like headliners, like national headliners, they would roast that guy.

01:45:13.000 Oh, for sure. 1.00

01:45:14.000 They would throw him after Don Gavin and Steve Sweeney and Kevin Knox and fuck. 0.99

01:45:19.000 It was such a wake-up, but even the crowds themselves, like very, you know, you better prove it to be up there. 0.99

01:45:28.000 If you're the closer, you better be the best guy here. 0.96

01:45:30.000 Also, there were so many fucking headliners that they were just so used to a very high level of headliner. 1.00

01:45:39.000 These guys were killers. 1.00

01:45:40.000 Did you just pull out a comb to do your fucking mustache? 1.00

01:45:43.000 Yes, I was hoping you were making eye contact with Dave. 1.00

01:45:47.000 You just wanted to make sure everything's in line.

01:45:51.000 How often do you comb your mustache?

01:45:53.000 A fair amount.

01:45:57.000 Whenever I feel the need.

01:45:59.000 A fair amount.

01:46:00.000 Do you have a specific mustache comb or just use any old...

01:46:03.000 I just got one from Walgreens or whatever.

01:46:05.000 I've seen them little tiny ones.

01:46:06.000 I don't like them.

01:46:08.000 The teeth are too sharp and it hurts my little face.

01:46:11.000 That makes sense.

01:46:12.000 You get a nice soft plastic one.

01:46:13.000 Oh, yeah.

01:46:14.000 Yeah.

01:46:14.000 Old school.

01:46:15.000 You got to. 1.00

01:46:15.000 Sometimes shit gets in there, you know? 1.00

01:46:17.000 Trimmed it up today. 0.99

01:46:19.000 Don't want any loose hairs.

01:46:20.000 I get it.

01:46:21.000 I get it.

01:46:22.000 Before I was bald, I used to enjoy running a comb through my head.

01:46:25.000 It's a nice little scalp massage.

01:46:26.000 Uh-huh.

01:46:27.000 Now I'm afraid my hair will fall out so I can't do it.

01:46:30.000 Looking at the demise in your comb.

01:46:32.000 I know.

01:46:33.000 Yeah.

01:46:33.000 Oh, no.

01:46:34.000 Yep.

01:46:34.000 Oh, no.

01:46:36.000 Mm-hmm.

01:46:37.000 I started going bald when I was like 18. Really?

01:46:40.000 Crazy, yeah.

01:46:41.000 What was that like?

01:46:42.000 Lonely.

01:46:44.000 There was a kid in my high school that was going bald at 15, and everybody called him Baldy.

01:46:48.000 Oh, God.

01:46:49.000 That was his nickname, Baldy.

01:46:50.000 That's horrific.

01:46:51.000 Kids were brutal back then.

01:46:53.000 They were. 1.00

01:46:53.000 They were fucking brutal in the 80s. 1.00

01:46:56.000 They were brutal? 1.00

01:46:57.000 In the 90s and 2000s.

01:46:59.000 They're brutal right now.

01:47:00.000 Yeah.

01:47:01.000 They're beyond brutal, I think, now.

01:47:03.000 This is just heartless, what they're doing, you know?

01:47:05.000 Yeah.

01:47:06.000 That's like, I don't know, but we didn't have that web to, like, you know, everything it does.

01:47:11.000 Accentuate everything.

01:47:12.000 Yeah.

01:47:12.000 And then also, like, get the clicks.

01:47:14.000 Every time someone's getting their ass kicked, someone's filming it. 0.98

01:47:17.000 Thank God that didn't exist. 0.99

01:47:19.000 My God. 0.99

01:47:20.000 Imagine how many dick pics you'd have out there in the world. 1.00

01:47:23.000 Woof, woof. 1.00

01:47:25.000 Be in trouble.

01:47:26.000 Yeah, there's kids today.

01:47:28.000 These kids today.

01:47:30.000 Teachers and students.

01:47:31.000 Mm-hmm.

01:47:33.000 Yeah, that's wild. 1.00

01:47:34.000 Teachers always fuck students. 1.00

01:47:35.000 There was always, like, teachers fucking students. 1.00

01:47:37.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

01:47:38.000 Yeah, but we didn't find out about it until later. 0.99

01:47:40.000 Like, did you hear so-and-so used to fuck Mr. Blah Blah? 0.97

01:47:43.000 There was always the, like, very advanced senior who was banging the Spanish teacher. 0.99

01:47:49.000 Yeah.

01:47:51.000 Rolling his R's. 0.66

01:47:53.000 It's funny, that's like professors in universities.

01:47:56.000 That was kind of understood.

01:47:57.000 That was part of the gig.

01:47:58.000 That was, yeah.

01:47:59.000 That's what you did.

01:47:59.000 I used to be a teacher and they're like, never, ever be in a room with the door shut.

01:48:04.000 You leave the door open all the time and you're never alone with anyone. 0.99

01:48:07.000 I was like, yeah, this is fucking nuts. 0.99

01:48:09.000 And I see some of the shit with what teachers share on the internet with them and students. 1.00

01:48:14.000 I'm like, this is such a violation of boundaries. 0.99

01:48:16.000 It's crazy.

01:48:18.000 You know, the homeschooling seems way better now. 1.00

01:48:22.000 Well, those teachers fuck their kids, too. 1.00

01:48:25.000 Seems like a better option for everything. 1.00

01:48:28.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:48:29.000 You know, it's always like, hey, homeschool, you must be weird now. 1.00

01:48:31.000 It's like, I guess you're just being safe, you know?

01:48:33.000 Yeah.

01:48:33.000 You don't want your kid indoctrinated, either.

01:48:36.000 What do you think of college now?

01:48:37.000 Do you think it's a waste of time?

01:48:39.000 Yes.

01:48:40.000 Well, it clearly depends on what you want to do. 0.98

01:48:42.000 If you want to be a computer coder, good fucking luck. 0.97

01:48:46.000 AI's going to take over all that. 0.99

01:48:47.000 Oh, yeah.

01:48:48.000 There's so many jobs that are going to vanish over the next five years. 0.96

01:48:51.000 But it's also like, it's such a rude, cruel thing to do to an 18-year-old kid that has no fucking idea what they want to do for their lives. 0.97

01:48:57.000 Yes! 0.98

01:48:58.000 And you force them into debt.

01:49:00.000 Decide now!

01:49:01.000 And you force them into a debt that's insanely difficult to get out of.

01:49:06.000 It's way harder than just going bankrupt.

01:49:09.000 It's hard to get out of that debt. 1.00

01:49:10.000 You're fucked. 1.00

01:49:11.000 I got in trouble when I was teaching because I told all my students, I'm like, take the test to go to school, but pick up a trade. 1.00

01:49:17.000 Go to trade school and start making money.

01:49:20.000 That's like the smart thing to do.

01:49:21.000 Well, if that's what you want to do.

01:49:23.000 But, you know, it depends on what you're trying to do with your life.

01:49:25.000 If somebody wants to be a journalist, you should probably go to school.

01:49:28.000 Yeah, but if you don't know what you want to do, what should you do?

01:49:31.000 You know, I guess that's what it is.

01:49:32.000 Go out and get a job and know you can always go to college later, you know?

01:49:36.000 Yeah, but you won't.

01:49:37.000 Not when you're working.

01:49:38.000 Peer pressure.

01:49:39.000 Your family's pressure.

01:49:41.000 When you're young, you have that window where you can take wild chances from 18 to 24, 25. Once you're 25, everybody's like, hey, get your fucking shit together. 1.00

01:49:52.000 Maybe even earlier than that if you're in the Northeast. 1.00

01:49:54.000 But if you're already in a job and you're working eight hours a day, you're fucking tired.

01:50:00.000 The odds that you're going to quit that and stop making money and go to school, those aren't so high. 0.63

01:50:05.000 I think it's harder on, you know, not to be the old guy, but like this generation is taught that they're exceptional and that everything they do is like important.

01:50:15.000 Whereas I think when I was growing up, it was like, no, nothing you do is really that important and that you're also going to have to like kind of work your way up in something.

01:50:24.000 I think a lot of them see their...

01:50:26.000 Peers, like, you know, they went to college, they dropped out, they started a company.

01:50:30.000 Or, you know, they're an influencer with a million followers.

01:50:33.000 So they see success differently than we do.

01:50:35.000 And, like, for me, it was like, yeah, you got to, like, kind of work your way up.

01:50:39.000 Or, like, you know, it's really about how much you want it.

01:50:41.000 You know, that kind of thing.

01:50:42.000 Whereas now I feel like there really is no game plan.

01:50:46.000 It's really, you know, it's kind of like... 0.88

01:50:48.000 You're almost like a sucker if you kind of play the game.

01:50:51.000 Also, fame is much more attainable to regular people now than ever before. 1.00

01:50:59.000 Especially if you're willing to do stupid things like pull pranks on people. 0.60

01:51:04.000 There's so many different things that people can do now that can get them attention, and they're doing that as a source of a career. 0.99

01:51:10.000 Yeah, but as a teacher, how can you make your kids do work when they're like, no, I'm just going to be a YouTuber.

01:51:15.000 I have more followers than you. 0.99

01:51:17.000 Like, shut up. 0.98

01:51:19.000 But the whole idea of fame is like, when I was growing up, it's like, you don't want to be famous. 0.92

01:51:23.000 That's like for, you know, like, whatever.

01:51:25.000 That's not cool.

01:51:26.000 You know, you want to be, you know, something like rough.

01:51:29.000 You know, you want to be like a lumberjack or something, you know?

01:51:32.000 Yeah.

01:51:32.000 Now these kids, even at young ages, they're like, fame is where it's at.

01:51:36.000 That's where you get everything you want.

01:51:37.000 People actually listen to you, and they give you everything you want.

01:51:41.000 So it's amazing.

01:51:42.000 They've never worked a day in their life, yet they already know they don't want to work.

01:51:45.000 Dude, I saw the creepiest thing.

01:51:47.000 My friend's daughter took her phone and recorded her, five years old, and into the camera, she just kept going, don't forget to like and subscribe.

01:51:55.000 Don't forget to like and subscribe.

01:51:56.000 Watch my videos.

01:51:58.000 Don't forget to like.

01:51:59.000 And I was like, dude, that's an alien.

01:52:01.000 That kid's being trained to be an alien.

01:52:03.000 It's not the kid's choice.

01:52:04.000 And you're exposing the kid to the world.

01:52:07.000 The whole world.

01:52:08.000 It's dangerous.

01:52:09.000 It's not smart. 1.00

01:52:10.000 It's stupid. 1.00

01:52:11.000 It's irresponsible. 1.00

01:52:14.000 Well, just like that video we watched with the drone.

01:52:17.000 Psychically, we're not supposed to see that.

01:52:20.000 Well, you're definitely not supposed to see people get blown to pieces instantaneously.

01:52:22.000 Well, yeah, but even just now, like, yes, these things happen, but we shouldn't be aware of it and inundated with it every single day and every single second.

01:52:31.000 Right, but that's the only way you find out about it, to put pressure on people to stop it.

01:52:35.000 Because if it doesn't leak like Edward Snowden doesn't put it out there and a bunch of people don't retweet it and get outraged by it...

01:52:40.000 Then it doesn't put pressure on the politicians.

01:52:43.000 But is that gonna stop it?

01:52:44.000 Are they gonna stop?

01:52:45.000 Stuff like that can change things.

01:52:47.000 Stuff like that changes people's minds.

01:52:49.000 Stuff like that changes people's understanding of what's actually going on.

01:52:52.000 Because you keep hearing, oh no, it's the people that are dying, it's only Hamas uses human shields.

01:52:59.000 Well, clearly that was not a human shield.

01:53:02.000 And clearly those people weren't endangering anybody, and they didn't look like they were armed, and they just blew them apart.

01:53:07.000 Do you think the people making money off of this, like, do you think they really even care?

01:53:11.000 They're gonna keep going.

01:53:12.000 They're gonna care because the people are gonna care, because there's massive public outrage from things like this.

01:53:17.000 And the more things like this happen, the less support you get for military budgets.

01:53:24.000 And then you put pressure on the politicians that are voting for these things.

01:53:27.000 And then, you know, all that stuff works.

01:53:30.000 It really does have an impact.

01:53:32.000 Because they don't want people to be so outraged that they revolt.

01:53:37.000 They don't want people to pull a Bud Light on the whole government.

01:53:41.000 Yeah.

01:53:41.000 You know, because people are trying to figure out a way to do that.

01:53:45.000 There's a lot of people that are trying to figure out a way to like put a stop to all this shit. 0.99

01:53:48.000 So the more things like this come up, it's fuel for those people. 0.99

01:53:51.000 Yeah, but the majority of people don't digest news like we do in an endless cycle and have time to really kind of think about it.

01:54:00.000 Because I think that a lot of people I know, they're really smart people.

01:54:04.000 They just turn the news off.

01:54:06.000 They rather live in their own bubble that the news really makes them anxious and really makes them...

01:54:11.000 And I'm like, well, you've got to know what's going on in the world, right?

01:54:13.000 And then they kind of hit you with that whole thing of like...

01:54:16.000 They're telling you different, like, you know, everyone has a narrative and all that kind of story.

01:54:19.000 But I'm also like, you know, living in your own world is not the way to go either.

01:54:24.000 Because, like, when you do have to venture out of that bubble, it's terrifying, I think.

01:54:28.000 Especially, like, if you don't know what's going on.

01:54:30.000 Right.

01:54:31.000 If you don't, like, there's some new thing that's happening, some new crisis.

01:54:34.000 You don't know.

01:54:35.000 You just walk right into it.

01:54:36.000 I mean, yeah.

01:54:38.000 I'm curious.

01:54:40.000 I'd like to see all sides of something, but not to make it political or anything, I think a lot of these people just decide to, you know what, it's not for me.

01:54:48.000 I'd rather work on my own.

01:54:51.000 Some of it's mental health.

01:54:53.000 A lot of this stuff really shakes people to the core when they finally have to deal with it.

01:54:58.000 That's the reason why board games are still around, because people love the idea that you can disconnect.

01:55:03.000 From the world and like you're in like your own little world where you get to be God and here's the rules of it and stuff like that.

01:55:09.000 So, you know, there's something to that.

01:55:10.000 Puzzles, you know, that's why.

01:55:12.000 Hello?

01:55:13.000 You guys don't believe to me?

01:55:15.000 You don't believe me?

01:55:16.000 You're a shill for Milton Bradley.

01:55:18.000 Sorry.

01:55:20.000 No, for sure.

01:55:21.000 People like puzzles.

01:55:22.000 No, people want to disconnect.

01:55:24.000 That's like, we're in that business.

01:55:25.000 People want to get away from their problems, you know?

01:55:28.000 Well, yeah, and I think people deserve to.

01:55:30.000 100%.

01:55:31.000 But also, like, if you're poor and you're barely making ends meet, like, you don't have time to worry about what's going on over here.

01:55:37.000 Like, sure, you can be informed, but it's so hard to be informed and not let it take a toll on you.

01:55:42.000 Well, that's why the great luxury is the people that go...

01:55:45.000 Please don't do that.

01:55:46.000 No, I wanted to see if your message came. 0.98

01:55:49.000 I thought you were going to text somebody with that fucking goofy thing. 0.98

01:55:52.000 The great luxury of rich, privileged kids is becoming an activist. 0.99

01:55:58.000 Yeah.

01:55:58.000 That's right.

01:55:59.000 Those are the ones that are splashing paint on the Mona Lisa and gluing themselves to walls.

01:56:05.000 Those are all kids from privileged backgrounds who feel guilty.

01:56:08.000 And they have this insane view that you're just going to stop oil now.

01:56:12.000 And the way to do it is to glue yourself to the Mona Lisa.

01:56:16.000 But that's been going around since the 70s.

01:56:18.000 There was a lot of rich kids that were involved.

01:56:20.000 Of course.

01:56:21.000 It's always rich kids.

01:56:22.000 Yeah.

01:56:23.000 Because those are the kids that have the luxury of being able to go out and protest and do stuff like this.

01:56:27.000 I think it's like inherent guilt, too.

01:56:28.000 Of like, God, I feel so bad.

01:56:30.000 What can I do?

01:56:31.000 100%, especially today.

01:56:33.000 Today you're being told that just by virtue of the color of your skin, you're a colonizer.

01:56:37.000 Yeah.

01:56:37.000 You're responsible for everything.

01:56:39.000 And there's people like...

01:56:40.000 Some of these people that are in these... 0.94

01:56:42.000 Protest they haven't thought shit out at all.

01:56:44.000 So they get confronted by Influencers right and they ask them like real simple questions to get them riled up Like what do you think we should do? 0.95

01:56:52.000 We need to like give it to this country capitalism You don't understand.

01:56:56.000 We're trying to dissolve the country.

01:56:57.000 Does it get away from the capitals get away from the capital?

01:57:01.000 Yeah, dude, I saw the best thing I went to a rally or like a no a protest and It was it was during the summer of 2020 and you know everyone's like marching and everything and And I wanted to go check it out.

01:57:13.000 And this girl was wearing like an ACAB shirt and chanting like, NYPD, racist police! 1.00

01:57:22.000 And a cop was like, excuse me a minute, you can't stand here.

01:57:25.000 And she goes, oh my god, I'm so sorry.

01:57:26.000 And then shifted and then started protesting again.

01:57:30.000 She lost all her cred. 1.00

01:57:31.000 You fucking faker! 1.00

01:57:32.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:57:35.000 You sure that wasn't a skit? 1.00

01:57:37.000 That sounds like a skit.

01:57:39.000 I saw it with my own eyes.

01:57:40.000 Oh, it must be real.

01:57:41.000 Yeah!

01:57:42.000 There's no way it could be fake.

01:57:43.000 Yes!

01:57:44.000 It was not fake.

01:57:45.000 Oh, you saw it.

01:57:46.000 It was right, no, I was there, next to me.

01:57:48.000 That wasn't a crisis actor?

01:57:50.000 Because that sounds like, if I saw that one on Instagram, I'd be like, come on.

01:57:54.000 Oh, no, no, no, I was there.

01:57:55.000 Like, it happened right next to me, and I was with my buddy, and we just started laughing. 0.98

01:57:58.000 How dumb is that? 0.96

01:57:59.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:58:00.000 And then I was in Central Park for one, and I swear to God, this guy had a sign, and this super hot fucking girl went up to him and goes, can I borrow your sign? 1.00

01:58:11.000 Grabbed it, turned around, took a picture, gave it back, and left. 0.98

01:58:14.000 Yeah.

01:58:17.000 A model.

01:58:18.000 Imagine being a young guy just trying to trust anything today.

01:58:23.000 Anything. 1.00

01:58:24.000 Especially hot pussy. 1.00

01:58:27.000 Well, what about, why are you always at these protests yet you're not in them? 1.00

01:58:31.000 Is that like the guy who goes to see the fires?

01:58:33.000 Like a wannabe fireman?

01:58:36.000 I am a wannabe fireman.

01:58:38.000 I love firefighters.

01:58:39.000 Good job, guys.

01:58:40.000 Oh, you used a Halligan bar?

01:58:42.000 Good work, fellas.

01:58:43.000 You know the stats.

01:58:45.000 Oh, yeah.

01:58:45.000 I was a volunteer firefighter in high school.

01:58:47.000 I loved it.

01:58:47.000 Were you really?

01:58:48.000 In high school?

01:58:49.000 Yeah, before 9-11.

01:58:50.000 Wow.

01:58:51.000 If you're not fighting fires, it's a great gig.

01:58:53.000 What?

01:58:54.000 If you're not fighting fires, it's a great gig to be a fireman.

01:58:57.000 You don't have to fight the fires.

01:58:59.000 You don't have to risk your life and go into a burning building.

01:59:02.000 You're in the firehouse, you're watching movies, you're making dinner.

01:59:05.000 I was always in the pool room playing pool so I could slide down the pole and everybody beat me running down the stairs but I didn't care.

01:59:12.000 Yeah, I did it from like 16 or whatever to 18 and I was a junior firefighter so I wasn't allowed to fight fires in the interior.

01:59:21.000 I could just do it from the exterior. 0.96

01:59:23.000 And then we would go, we were like the bitches. 1.00

01:59:24.000 We had to go and clean everything up and clean the trucks. 0.97

01:59:27.000 And then I fought a car fire once at 2 a.m.

01:59:30.000 Because I lived close to the house and you could hear the sirens.

01:59:32.000 So I showed up and it was me and two other guys.

01:59:34.000 It was all volunteer.

01:59:35.000 And they let me fight the fire myself.

01:59:37.000 And I was so nervous I didn't strap my helmet on.

01:59:40.000 And I like popped the hood and my helmet falls off.

01:59:43.000 And I left the hose running.

01:59:44.000 It was like a Charlie Chaplin movie.

01:59:47.000 World hardest catch.

01:59:48.000 Oh, it was hard.

01:59:48.000 It was so embarrassing.

01:59:49.000 They're just in the truck laughing.

01:59:51.000 I'm like, sorry fellas!

01:59:52.000 That's one of my fears, the car fire.

01:59:54.000 I mean, that's a horrible death.

01:59:56.000 What, being in it?

01:59:56.000 Yeah.

01:59:57.000 Oh no, it was a stolen, abandoned car.

01:59:58.000 Yeah, no, being in it.

01:59:59.000 I'm talking about just watching one of the worst ones I've ever heard.

02:00:03.000 One of the worst ones I've ever heard is Northern California.

02:00:05.000 The wildfires.

02:00:07.000 It swarmed the highway.

02:00:09.000 Killed everybody in their cars.

02:00:11.000 Trapped bumper to bumper. 0.97

02:00:12.000 Can't get away.

02:00:13.000 That's like hell on earth when they have the family driving, like trying to drive to safety, and you just see all that sparks and all that kind of stuff going on. 1.00

02:00:19.000 Oh, fuck, man. 0.99

02:00:20.000 Dude, I've been evacuated three times living in California. 1.00

02:00:22.000 No shit. 0.99

02:00:23.000 Yeah, fire burned two houses in front of my house. 1.00

02:00:27.000 Yeah.

02:00:27.000 And what do you do?

02:00:28.000 Like, are you out there with a hoe? 1.00

02:00:29.000 Like, what's the move? 1.00

02:00:30.000 We got the fuck out of there. 0.99

02:00:31.000 You got out, right? 0.99

02:00:32.000 What do you grab?

02:00:34.000 Nothing.

02:00:35.000 Grab the laptop.

02:00:36.000 Grab the laptop and some clothes.

02:00:37.000 I'm like, I can get everything else. 1.00

02:00:39.000 Fuck this place. 1.00

02:00:40.000 And do they have... 1.00

02:00:41.000 Stay alive.

02:00:42.000 That's what it's like, man.

02:00:43.000 When you see it, when you see, like, everything over the horizon is fire.

02:00:48.000 Yeah.

02:00:48.000 I mean, from the left to the right, everything coming over the hills is fire.

02:00:53.000 That's crazy.

02:00:54.000 And it's just engulfing buildings.

02:00:56.000 You're seeing your neighbor's house on fire.

02:00:57.000 Jesus. 0.99

02:00:58.000 You just get the fuck out while you can. 0.97

02:01:00.000 And... 0.96

02:01:01.000 I haven't...

02:01:02.000 So they just did...

02:01:03.000 Supposedly they have enough rain now for, like, till 2025 in California.

02:01:08.000 They're saying, like, this should help, like, both the consumption and also with all that snow up in Northern California that it should, like...

02:01:16.000 Like, if there's a forest fire now, what is that?

02:01:18.000 Well, see, this doesn't matter.

02:01:20.000 Doesn't matter?

02:01:20.000 It doesn't matter.

02:01:21.000 If you have a wildfire like they had where those people died on the highway...

02:01:25.000 Those things are so big, you can't even comprehend it.

02:01:28.000 It's so hot, there's so much fire, it's literally thousands and thousands of acres around you are just engulfed in flames, and it's moving at like 20 miles an hour.

02:01:41.000 There's nothing happening that you're gonna do with water.

02:01:46.000 And the other problem with getting a lot of rainfall is you get a lot of growth.

02:01:51.000 So you get a lot of grasses, wild grasses grow, and they're very tall.

02:01:55.000 And then they dry out because it stops raining. 0.97

02:01:57.000 It always fucking does. 0.95

02:01:58.000 And everything turns brown. 0.98

02:01:59.000 And as soon as things get hot and everything turns brown and it stops raining, that's when fire season happens. 1.00

02:02:05.000 And a lot of it is fucking idiots throwing cigarettes out the window. 1.00

02:02:09.000 A lot of it is people that are camping, homeless people. 1.00

02:02:13.000 And gender reveals.

02:02:15.000 They have the fireworks at the gender reveal.

02:02:19.000 Everybody loses their house.

02:02:23.000 How about those guys, the smokejumpers, whatever, the people that do that?

02:02:26.000 That's a balls gig. 0.51

02:02:28.000 But they didn't have that in Hawaii.

02:02:29.000 They had nothing like that there.

02:02:30.000 Like when that town went up, it was all made of bamboo.

02:02:34.000 I mean, it was crazy.

02:02:35.000 Oh, you mean in Maui?

02:02:36.000 In Maui, yeah.

02:02:37.000 The Maui thing's crazy.

02:02:38.000 Because the Maui was power lines downed.

02:02:40.000 Oh, that's what it was.

02:02:41.000 And wasn't response time terrible, too?

02:02:43.000 It was non-existent.

02:02:44.000 Yeah.

02:02:45.000 They never had anything like that happen there.

02:02:47.000 Yeah, but there was also a lot of problems.

02:02:48.000 Like, the people didn't want to release the water, because, like, the water is owned, like, there's water rights, and I think the water was going to the rich neighborhoods where the golf courses are, and so there's, like, I'm trying to get the water, and then there's also, like, how the fuck do you have a place that's this windy where you still have exposed power lines?

02:03:05.000 That seems insane. 0.89

02:03:07.000 Man.

02:03:08.000 That seems insane.

02:03:08.000 Like, every time those things fall down, and you didn't clean up any of the brush around it...

02:03:12.000 Wasn't it a conspiracy that they were trying to get it out of there so they could sell the land?

02:03:15.000 Yes.

02:03:16.000 The crazy conspiracy is the direct energy weapons conspiracy.

02:03:19.000 What? 1.00

02:03:20.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:03:21.000 What is this? 1.00

02:03:22.000 Bro, the real tinfoil had to do is they'll corner you.

02:03:26.000 Like, what do you think about the direct energy weapon in Maui?

02:03:29.000 Was that like a heart attack gun for fires?

02:03:31.000 There's apparently...

02:03:32.000 The government has the ability, according to the conspiracy theorists, and maybe even some real people, of having these things that they call direct energy weapons.

02:03:43.000 So it's almost like a laser beam.

02:03:45.000 And I know that these are things that they're working on.

02:03:48.000 I know these are things that are probably top secret, because it's always been discussed.

02:03:52.000 There's been studies on how to do it.

02:03:55.000 There's been papers written on it.

02:03:57.000 So the conspiracy theory is that they lit those houses on fire on purpose with direct energy weapons.

02:04:04.000 And if you had a blue house, like with a blue ceiling, that the blue ceiling would somehow reflect against this energy weapon and stop your house from burning.

02:04:13.000 No way.

02:04:13.000 Oh, yeah.

02:04:14.000 Not only that, but they used...

02:04:15.000 Because Biden did some speech, and it is, you know...

02:04:20.000 Old kind of senile way.

02:04:21.000 He was talking about how some houses survived because they had the right roof.

02:04:25.000 And everybody's like, see?

02:04:26.000 It's the blue roof.

02:04:28.000 That's all it takes.

02:04:28.000 Yeah, so conspiracy theorists like literally painting their roofs blue to protect them from direct energy weapons.

02:04:35.000 Jamie, please Google this.

02:04:36.000 No way! 0.97

02:04:36.000 By the way, this might have been one of those things that 4chan started for a fuck, just for goofing with people, and then people ran with it. 0.97

02:04:44.000 Who knows? 1.00

02:04:44.000 Or it might be just people that are out of their fucking minds. 1.00

02:04:47.000 Can you imagine your house burning up because your wife or partner was like, no, don't paint it blue. 0.99

02:04:52.000 Operation Blue Roof.

02:04:53.000 That's a thing, but it's not part of the conspiracy thing.

02:04:57.000 What does that mean?

02:04:58.000 What is Operation Blue Roof?

02:04:59.000 Operation Blue Roof is a thing about getting people blue tarps to cover their roofs. 0.50

02:05:03.000 That's not the same thing as what...

02:05:05.000 Oh, the tent cities.

02:05:06.000 Allegedly.

02:05:07.000 Sure.

02:05:10.000 Allegedly.

02:05:10.000 Okay, social media posts sharing.

02:05:13.000 The posts typically include a video from a TikTok account that often shares clips of everyday items being burned by a handheld industrial laser in a workshop.

02:05:22.000 The clip shows a laser burning yellow, red, and green fabric while a blue swatch is unscathed, with text saying it can be programmed for different wavelengths.

02:05:32.000 Wow.

02:05:32.000 So some lasers don't work on blue ceilings, and these people think that it's the blue roof that'll protect you.

02:05:38.000 Someone said everything that's blue survived, including t-shirts.

02:05:42.000 A blue car and some blue beach umbrellas around Front Street along the waterfront were not destroyed in the inferno.

02:05:49.000 And the Blue Man Group.

02:05:50.000 They were playing in town.

02:05:52.000 They were doing a road gig.

02:05:55.000 That is really stretching it, if you ask me.

02:05:58.000 Yeah, they're going hard on this.

02:05:59.000 This is too much.

02:06:00.000 DEW stands for Direct Energy Weapons, which use technology like high-energy lasers instead of projectiles like bullets.

02:06:07.000 These videos are not evidence that they have anything to do with the wildfires.

02:06:11.000 To start with, they show...

02:06:12.000 What is the videos they're saying?

02:06:14.000 Handful of blue items in the fire's aftermath.

02:06:17.000 But other footage and photos show these were hardly the only things left standing.

02:06:23.000 But the thing about the direct energy weapon, is there videos of those things being used?

02:06:29.000 Is a direct energy weapon a real thing, like 100%?

02:06:33.000 I think it's true.

02:06:36.000 It's like what you said, lasers.

02:06:38.000 So there's videos of the U.S. government talking about direct energy weapons in very broad terms.

02:06:45.000 It's only like 15 bucks a shot.

02:06:47.000 But they don't.

02:06:48.000 It's true.

02:06:49.000 No, they were saying that this will be the best way to shoot down missiles and drones.

02:06:52.000 High energy lasers and high powered microwaves.

02:06:54.000 Boom! 0.99

02:06:54.000 So they just shot that thing? 0.99

02:06:56.000 Nice.

02:06:58.000 Almost looks like the drone video.

02:06:59.000 Nice.

02:07:00.000 So they just shot that out of the sky?

02:07:03.000 But it's coming from a boat onto a boat.

02:07:05.000 I don't know.

02:07:06.000 Oh, and so what is it?

02:07:09.000 Look at that guy just lovely typing.

02:07:11.000 Isn't it racist that he's an Asian guy? 0.96

02:07:13.000 I thought it'd be an airborne ranger.

02:07:15.000 The computer guy, we only let Asians handle our computers in the Navy.

02:07:18.000 It's a DEI. Does it show, what is that video at the bottom?

02:07:21.000 Why the US military is investing billions?

02:07:23.000 It's a 10-minute video.

02:07:25.000 And it's not right there.

02:07:26.000 Well, yeah.

02:07:26.000 I guarantee.

02:07:27.000 They're doing it because they know how to do it.

02:07:28.000 But by the time they're telling you they're investing billions, they're probably already investing billions.

02:07:33.000 Sure.

02:07:33.000 They probably figure out...

02:07:35.000 There was a video...

02:07:37.000 Video claiming...

02:07:39.000 Hold on.

02:07:40.000 They're claiming to show a directed energy weapon is actually an edited clip of an explosion in Russia.

02:07:45.000 That's not what I was trying to pull up.

02:07:46.000 Man, this stuff is...

02:07:47.000 There was a video of what looked like a laser coming out of the sky.

02:07:52.000 Yeah, I saw that.

02:07:53.000 And like during a storm or something like that.

02:07:54.000 Somebody explained that that's...

02:07:56.000 That's cell phone, video cameras, like, glitching under the intense exposure of, like, a lightning bolt.

02:08:05.000 Like, that's something that light flashes and it creates, like, a distortion in some cell phones.

02:08:11.000 I don't know if that's true, though.

02:08:14.000 So it's a natural thing.

02:08:17.000 Would that look like?

02:08:18.000 Show that again?

02:08:18.000 I don't know what I was even looking at.

02:08:20.000 That lady, that video that you just showed? 1.00

02:08:22.000 No, I know, but I'm trying to...

02:08:23.000 I don't know what the hell they're showing because I can't hear the sound.

02:08:25.000 It's showing all sorts of stuff they're talking about.

02:08:28.000 Whoa.

02:08:28.000 Just images that were going viral during it.

02:08:30.000 Some of them are real, some of them are not.

02:08:32.000 Look at her smiling.

02:08:32.000 See, like, right there, for instance.

02:08:34.000 That's a controlled burn at a Canton refinery in Ohio.

02:08:38.000 And because of that light going to the sky, someone thinks it's a laser.

02:08:41.000 Everybody thinks it's a rainbow.

02:08:43.000 Mm-hmm.

02:08:45.000 There's another one.

02:08:45.000 What is that one?

02:08:46.000 SpaceX launch.

02:08:48.000 Oh, that's interesting that people are doing that.

02:08:51.000 But that's... 1.00

02:08:52.000 Some people are out of their fucking minds. 0.99

02:08:54.000 There's a thing that happened though on Twitter too. 0.99

02:08:56.000 I feel like this doesn't get talked about sometimes.

02:08:58.000 People are trying to get engagement money because if you build up an account that can get engagement, it doesn't matter if it's good engagement, bad engagement, you just got to get the numbers.

02:09:05.000 You can start getting revenue.

02:09:07.000 So, people are reposting real old viral videos, confusing people with shitposts like this, just to build up the five million views of these fires.

02:09:16.000 But here's the real conspiracy about the fires.

02:09:18.000 Like, they haven't done any rebuilding.

02:09:20.000 Those people, they weren't allowed to have insurance inspectors go in there.

02:09:24.000 I don't know if they can now.

02:09:26.000 That people still had to pay their mortgage on those things.

02:09:29.000 Oh, jeez.

02:09:30.000 And the thing is, it's like...

02:09:32.000 If you're getting to this point where you don't have anything, and you can't rebuild your house, and you're fucked, and then they come along and offer you a payment or something, or you get foreclosed on because you haven't paid your mortgage, 0.74

02:09:47.000 and then the banks own it, and then whoever the fuck is the developer owns it, and then whatever they want to do for the better good of Maui, they build there, and then these people lose everything. 0.63

02:09:59.000 This is what's really scary about it. 0.73

02:10:00.000 The way it's being handled is not like you're handling victims of a natural disaster that's horrific and took more lives than any wildfire in the history of this country.

02:10:09.000 You're doing it like you are trying to figure out a way to take that from those people.

02:10:15.000 You're not doing it like you're trying to support those people and build it back.

02:10:19.000 You're doing it like if you know what's really going on, you're not asking for financial aid for these people to deal with their mortgages, and you're not asking for aid from the government in one of those giant Ukraine bills.

02:10:30.000 It would take five billion dollars, right?

02:10:32.000 Wasn't that what the money was?

02:10:34.000 Five billion to rebuild all those houses?

02:10:37.000 That's a drop in the bucket to what they're spending in Ukraine. 0.99

02:10:41.000 And there's no consideration at all to do something for these fucking people? 0.98

02:10:46.000 That seems like you don't want to do anything. 0.99

02:10:49.000 They declared an emergency, I know, when it happened.

02:10:53.000 That usually means they can activate all federal funds.

02:10:56.000 Those people got a one-time payment of 700 bucks.

02:10:59.000 Jesus Christ.

02:11:01.000 One-time payment.

02:11:02.000 Didn't we get more for stimulus checks?

02:11:04.000 Yeah.

02:11:04.000 That's an outrage.

02:11:05.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:11:06.000 Dude, well, fucking FEMA, when Hurricane Katrina hit, I went down to help, like, clean up and rebuild homes and stuff, and they sent us to Foley, Alabama, because they still didn't get relief from Hurricane Ivan, like, years prior. 0.99

02:11:19.000 Wow. 0.99

02:11:20.000 So there were still homes with roofs blown off from Hurricane Ivan.

02:11:24.000 Jesus.

02:11:24.000 So did they tell them we're gonna send down some high school firemen?

02:11:29.000 Don't hang up the phone.

02:11:31.000 We're sending some kids. 0.93

02:11:33.000 Don't let them go to your strip club. 1.00

02:11:34.000 They're not popular in high school, but they want to be firemen.

02:11:38.000 They have all the weekend open.

02:11:40.000 They don't have dates or friends.

02:11:42.000 Hello fellas, I'm here to help.

02:11:44.000 Hi.

02:11:45.000 Anybody got a shovel for me?

02:11:47.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.97

02:11:47.000 I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. 0.97

02:11:49.000 That's amazing. 0.96

02:11:52.000 That's what I like.

02:11:53.000 I know a guy who just took the MTA test and now he's an MTA guy.

02:11:57.000 You know, that's the guy who drives the trains in the subways.

02:12:00.000 So I'm like, I wonder what kind of training they give them now because it's more than just driving a train.

02:12:05.000 It's got to be like, you know, you got to make a choice now.

02:12:07.000 Yeah.

02:12:08.000 All right.

02:12:08.000 Do you pull to the station or do you hit the homeless man who's on the tracks?

02:12:13.000 Like, what do you do?

02:12:14.000 You know, like all kinds of hypotheticals.

02:12:16.000 Yeah.

02:12:16.000 How many times do homeless people get got down there?

02:12:19.000 There's so much going on in that station.

02:12:21.000 Not even homeless people.

02:12:23.000 How many people get pushed by homeless people?

02:12:25.000 Someone was pushed.

02:12:27.000 She had both of her feet amputated, cut right off.

02:12:30.000 The videos are the best because the people videotaping it aren't upset about the loss of human life.

02:12:35.000 They're upset because they're late to work.

02:12:37.000 They're late, yeah.

02:12:37.000 Like, I got somewhere to be.

02:12:39.000 It's so crazy.

02:12:41.000 So crazy. 0.98

02:12:42.000 The pushing people onto the tracks of things is fucking terrifying. 0.98

02:12:45.000 I think that's new, if you ask me. 0.95

02:12:47.000 That's something that's only the last couple of years.

02:12:49.000 But also it's just so scary because it's random.

02:12:51.000 At like 8am at a popular station, you know, 3.30 on the work commute.

02:12:56.000 Do you know how much that's going to ramp up with people coming in from everywhere around the world and not having any jobs that were promised to them and being angry at everybody and knowing they can get away with crime and already being a murderer?

02:13:07.000 Oh, for sure.

02:13:07.000 Already committing murder in your country and you got away with it.

02:13:10.000 Now here you are in America and you're doing fentanyl.

02:13:17.000 And multiple people that are doing the pushings have been locked up so many times in their family.

02:13:23.000 They're like, this person is sick.

02:13:25.000 We've dropped them off at a hospital and they keep getting released.

02:13:28.000 We don't know what to do.

02:13:30.000 But what can you do, really?

02:13:31.000 But what can't the government do?

02:13:33.000 How come they don't...

02:13:35.000 I mean, this is after the Reagan administration.

02:13:37.000 They let all the nutty people out the street.

02:13:39.000 Well, Geraldo Rivera was the guy who took that...

02:13:41.000 You know, he did that documentary on Creed...

02:13:43.000 What was it?

02:13:44.000 Like, it was this...

02:13:45.000 Al Capone's Vault?

02:13:46.000 No, but it was like one of those, but he went to an asylum, and he just saw people laying in their own filth and just how horrible it was, and that was the beginning of basically the defund these psychiatric hospitals, where through medication they were allowed to release them into society,

02:14:03.000 and that's where people are now like, we really could use an asylum right now.

02:14:07.000 We need to open them up and then incentivize workers with high pay to have smart people with compassion working there, not just bottom of the barrel.

02:14:15.000 That's a tough...

02:14:16.000 Yeah, that's right.

02:14:17.000 The Willowbrook.

02:14:17.000 Yeah.

02:14:18.000 This is really...

02:14:19.000 Oh, God.

02:14:19.000 Talk about something that's hard to watch.

02:14:21.000 It's this thing here, man.

02:14:22.000 Landmark Investigation of Staten Island's Willowbrook State School, an institution for the developmentally disabled.

02:14:28.000 It's terrible.

02:14:29.000 His expose forever changed the face of mental health.

02:14:31.000 Ugh.

02:14:31.000 It's my alma mater.

02:14:32.000 But that's the fucking horrible thing about people when they can get away with doing things. 0.99

02:14:37.000 When no one's like a rollover or somebody else is like breathing down their neck trying to find out what the fuck is going on. 0.99

02:14:43.000 That's institutionalized, yeah. 0.99

02:14:44.000 Ugh.

02:14:45.000 But that's what people did back then.

02:14:47.000 They put them in these places, get them off the streets, you know, and now people are looking at it going like, you know, maybe that's a good idea.

02:14:54.000 I used to work at a sober living house and one of the kids was like severely autistic and his family would just send him to different rehabs and sober living houses because he was so difficult to deal with and would just say he had a problem with marijuana.

02:15:08.000 And then the kid learned how to smoke crack from people in the houses.

02:15:12.000 Yeah.

02:15:13.000 And he ended up dying in a crack house.

02:15:15.000 It's like the saddest thing ever.

02:15:16.000 Oh, wow.

02:15:17.000 Yeah.

02:15:18.000 I don't know if that's the saddest thing ever.

02:15:20.000 What?

02:15:21.000 This poor kid.

02:15:23.000 Was that sadder than those guys getting drone bombed?

02:15:25.000 Well, it's... 1.00

02:15:26.000 Imagine being living in Gaza, you're just fucked. 1.00

02:15:28.000 You're just already fucked. 1.00

02:15:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:15:30.000 And you're just like going, oh my god, let's walk back and see if there's anything there. 1.00

02:15:34.000 Yeah, but imagine...

02:15:35.000 And the Israeli army is targeting you. 0.86

02:15:36.000 Yeah, but imagine going to a crack house thinking you're going to color with some guy and he ends up killing you.

02:15:42.000 Yeah, that's not good either.

02:15:44.000 I don't know if it's the saddest thing.

02:15:45.000 It's definitely sad.

02:15:46.000 It's parallel sad.

02:15:48.000 But the sober living house, like how does that work?

02:15:50.000 It's all sad.

02:15:51.000 Yeah.

02:15:51.000 What do you mean?

02:15:52.000 I've only seen it on that show with Dr. Drew, the sober living house.

02:15:56.000 Like, what is it like?

02:15:57.000 Have you lived in one?

02:15:58.000 Yeah.

02:15:59.000 What's it like?

02:15:59.000 Like, you have chores and, you know.

02:16:01.000 Well, I lived in a three-quarter house, an Oxford house in Delaware.

02:16:04.000 And so it was self-run.

02:16:06.000 So everyone had a role, like a comptroller, treasurer, chore coordinator, president of the house.

02:16:12.000 And we kept each other accountable.

02:16:14.000 But sober living house, like a halfway house, you have house managers and clinical assistants and everything that basically babysit you and take you.

02:16:23.000 And you have to have a job besides working there, right?

02:16:26.000 Living there, you have to have a job outside of the house.

02:16:28.000 Yeah, you help them get jobs and everything.

02:16:30.000 I like that idea.

02:16:31.000 Yeah, and then I got fired for drinking, so it didn't end well.

02:16:35.000 That's like the first rule.

02:16:38.000 You're like, oh, I didn't see that.

02:16:39.000 Yeah, I didn't read the handbook.

02:16:41.000 Oh, right.

02:16:42.000 Do they give you a warning, or is this one time?

02:16:44.000 Oh.

02:16:44.000 Out.

02:16:45.000 Out.

02:16:45.000 Yeah.

02:16:46.000 Out.

02:16:46.000 And they didn't catch me.

02:16:47.000 I came to them and was like, I fucked up. 0.99

02:16:50.000 I was on the road and I took a two-week bender and it was bad. 0.99

02:16:53.000 And I came back and got fired.

02:16:55.000 Wow.

02:16:56.000 So were you clean when you came back?

02:16:58.000 To the house?

02:16:59.000 Yeah.

02:17:00.000 Or were you still a little drunk?

02:17:02.000 No, I mean like I hadn't drank yet that day, but I left and got cocked.

02:17:08.000 So did you just stand in your, once you were fired, did you just get in your car and get reloaded in front of the house?

02:17:15.000 I love that expression.

02:17:17.000 What do you think it is?

02:17:17.000 I love that expression, I went to get cocked.

02:17:21.000 That's a great fucking drunk expression. 0.99

02:17:23.000 Oh yeah. 1.00

02:17:24.000 Getting cocked.

02:17:25.000 Yeah.

02:17:25.000 That's what, I know a guy who was in a rehab and that he told me, we were like looking out the window and he told me, he goes, you see all those cars over there?

02:17:34.000 Those are all drug dealers.

02:17:36.000 They're just waiting for some guy to go, I've had it, and they'll come out.

02:17:39.000 No way.

02:17:39.000 And they'll like immediately sell them drugs.

02:17:41.000 And it was like, it was kind of like the shark circling the shark cage.

02:17:44.000 Like it was that kind of like, they're just out there like, and I'm like, wow, that shouldn't be allowed. 1.00

02:17:48.000 You know, like I'm like an idiot, you know, you shouldn't be there. 1.00

02:17:52.000 Hey fellas, cut it out. 1.00

02:17:54.000 Man, you did your time.

02:17:55.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:17:56.000 Celebrate!

02:17:57.000 They're like, yeah, ooh, nice day.

02:18:00.000 You know, like the slither snake.

02:18:02.000 Oh, yeah.

02:18:02.000 Yeah, they don't want to lose a customer.

02:18:04.000 That's the best way to get them back, when they're vulnerable.

02:18:06.000 Oh, for sure.

02:18:07.000 Coming right out.

02:18:07.000 Well, that, dude, back to that book Dreamland, it talks about these Mexicans from Naira bringing black tar heroin to America, and how it exploded was because of their customer service.

02:18:18.000 Right?

02:18:18.000 Yeah, they had a paging system, they had cell phones, they would give addicts extra money And be like, hey, it's on the house.

02:18:26.000 You're a good customer.

02:18:27.000 And then when they didn't hear from him for a while, since they had their numbers, they'd call them, be like, how are you?

02:18:31.000 Do you want to meet up?

02:18:32.000 We have some new heroin if you want to try it out.

02:18:34.000 Yeah, man, I do.

02:18:36.000 Yeah.

02:18:36.000 I do.

02:18:37.000 You're on a tipping point, you're at home in the kitchen, bored, drinking coffee.

02:18:41.000 You caught him at the right time.

02:18:43.000 You know what, Jose?

02:18:43.000 I'll see you in five minutes.

02:18:45.000 Yeah.

02:18:45.000 Let's go.

02:18:46.000 Yeah, it was like dominoes for heroin.

02:18:49.000 Way worse.

02:18:50.000 Domino's doesn't call you.

02:18:51.000 Are you hungry, Ian?

02:18:53.000 Ian, would you like a pizza? 1.00

02:18:54.000 Fuck, I would like a pizza. 1.00

02:18:55.000 How about one on the house, Ian? 1.00

02:18:57.000 Oh, you guys are the best.

02:18:59.000 I'm a little short on funds right now.

02:19:01.000 Don't worry about it, Ian.

02:19:04.000 Pizza's your friend.

02:19:05.000 Their number one export that they would use all their money, the drug dealers, was Levi's 501 jeans, and they would bring it back to their families, and that would show everyone in Naira, like, wow, we have money now.

02:19:18.000 So they would raid these places and the closets would be stacked floor to ceiling with jeans.

02:19:24.000 Really?

02:19:25.000 With an iron crease in them.

02:19:29.000 I was always like, man, why do they do that?

02:19:32.000 It's never going to be slacks, it's jeans.

02:19:35.000 They're like, no, that's how we like it.

02:19:37.000 It was their sign of opulence.

02:19:39.000 Yeah.

02:19:39.000 A nice pair of jeans.

02:19:40.000 Well, you ever go to, like, Houston, they always have, like, that Tex-Mex cowboy bar, like, where you're not really supposed to go in there.

02:19:46.000 It's for other people.

02:19:47.000 And, like, those guys are dressed up.

02:19:48.000 You know, they got their jeans ironed.

02:19:50.000 They got the big 10-gallon on.

02:19:52.000 You know, it's like a big night out.

02:19:53.000 And I'm always like, man, good for these guys, man.

02:19:55.000 And then, of course, there's some kind of shots fired in the parking lot.

02:19:57.000 Something terrible happens.

02:19:59.000 But, you know...

02:19:59.000 You're like, they're cowboys, you know, of course.

02:20:02.000 Legit cowboys.

02:20:03.000 Yeah, you know, unforgiven here.

02:20:05.000 There's some issue, you know, some of the cows.

02:20:09.000 Something about the...

02:20:10.000 Cattle fight.

02:20:12.000 Grazing rights or something.

02:20:14.000 Those are cool towns, though.

02:20:16.000 You know, you don't get that much anymore.

02:20:19.000 Everything looks the same.

02:20:20.000 Yeah.

02:20:21.000 You know, all these towns are the same now.

02:20:23.000 There's no late night food.

02:20:25.000 No, nowhere.

02:20:26.000 Well, actually, I think this might be a...

02:20:28.000 Does New York City still have it?

02:20:29.000 Nope.

02:20:30.000 Well, we just have pizza and...

02:20:31.000 Katz's Deli's still open.

02:20:33.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:20:33.000 Yeah, but it's like $35 for a fucking pastrami. 0.99

02:20:35.000 But not all night. 0.99

02:20:36.000 If you want a fucking pastrami sandwich at four in the morning, you should be willing to pay $35. 0.99

02:20:42.000 I'd be willing to pay it, but it's not open. 1.00

02:20:44.000 It's like Vegas.

02:20:45.000 We were just in Vegas.

02:20:45.000 That has late night food, and it's pretty good.

02:20:48.000 What was that place you took?

02:20:50.000 Oh, Ping Pang Pong.

02:20:52.000 That's a real place.

02:20:53.000 The Chinese food.

02:20:54.000 It's open real late?

02:20:56.000 It's like 24 hours.

02:20:57.000 Oh, wow.

02:20:58.000 And the people who work there are angels because they look exhausted.

02:21:02.000 I mean, you're in a casino working at a Chinese food restaurant.

02:21:05.000 It's everything you would think.

02:21:06.000 But then you're like, hey, this food is really good.

02:21:08.000 I can't believe it.

02:21:09.000 The best Chinese I've ever had.

02:21:11.000 Really?

02:21:11.000 Yeah, I got their Chopsticks logo tattooed on me.

02:21:14.000 That's hilarious.

02:21:16.000 There's a restaurant inside Encore at the Wynn Hotel.

02:21:22.000 The Wynn has like a Michelin star Chinese restaurant in it.

02:21:27.000 I think it's the only restaurant, the only Chinese restaurant in the country, I think, that has a Michelin star or one of the only ones.

02:21:34.000 It's incredible.

02:21:36.000 What's that place called, Jamie?

02:21:38.000 It's incredible.

02:21:40.000 It's like, what is it called?

02:21:41.000 Wingley?

02:21:42.000 Wingley.

02:21:43.000 Yeah, or Wingley.

02:21:44.000 L-E? Yeah, I mean, they don't help us. 1.00

02:21:47.000 I sound really racist when I'm naming my favorite Chinese restaurant.

02:21:50.000 Yeah.

02:21:51.000 Chinese restaurant.

02:21:53.000 Well, first Chinese restaurant in America to earn a Michelin star.

02:21:56.000 But those are normal hours.

02:21:59.000 That's like a restaurant.

02:22:00.000 It's a real restaurant.

02:22:01.000 You have to dress nice, too.

02:22:02.000 You can't wear a cut-off...

02:22:04.000 Woke fried Maine lobster?

02:22:06.000 That sounds so good.

02:22:07.000 Woke fried, not woke.

02:22:10.000 Sorry.

02:22:11.000 Poetry slam. 0.71

02:22:13.000 We fry it in trans tears. 1.00

02:22:15.000 We ask its permission.

02:22:17.000 Take it me.

02:22:21.000 I'm impressed with Vegas.

02:22:22.000 I mean, Vegas has really turned the corner.

02:22:24.000 Oh, Vegas is a different place now.

02:22:26.000 You see it too, right?

02:22:27.000 Also, Vegas became much more about entertainment than just about gambling.

02:22:32.000 And also, the sphere is a good example of what is possible.

02:22:36.000 I'm sure that's just the beginning of it, you know?

02:22:39.000 We went to the BattleBot arena there. 0.96

02:22:41.000 Listen, when you're driving through Vegas and just the neon and all the craziness, it's fucking amazing. 0.96

02:22:46.000 It is amazing. 0.98

02:22:47.000 It's amazing.

02:22:48.000 And I did shows at Wise Guys.

02:22:50.000 It was a great club, by the way, in Vegas.

02:22:51.000 The locals came out and they were so happy to see a show.

02:22:54.000 Usually it's casino or whatever, bigger only.

02:22:58.000 Just to have a regular club there is really cool, too.

02:23:00.000 And there's a bunch, but this is off the Strip.

02:23:02.000 It's way off, so it's mostly for the locals.

02:23:04.000 So it was kind of refreshing to see the locals come out.

02:23:07.000 Is there a more jaded crowd than a Vegas crowd?

02:23:10.000 They've seen it all.

02:23:11.000 Probably not, right?

02:23:12.000 Yeah, so they were really cool.

02:23:13.000 Yeah, they were great.

02:23:13.000 And I like Vegas.

02:23:14.000 I feel like Vegas has turned the corner, man.

02:23:16.000 It's popping now.

02:23:17.000 Yeah, well, it's a place where people go to have a good time.

02:23:21.000 So when you do shows there, like doing shows, do you ever do the Mirage?

02:23:25.000 I think so, in the past, for sure.

02:23:27.000 That's that, uh, what is it?

02:23:29.000 The Terry Fedor Theater?

02:23:30.000 No, not at the end.

02:23:31.000 Yeah, he's- I think it was called that.

02:23:33.000 It was called that. 1.00

02:23:33.000 I think they changed it, but the fucking place is great. 1.00

02:23:36.000 I was there with Gillis, like, a few months back. 0.99

02:23:39.000 It's amazing. 0.99

02:23:39.000 You get in there, and you're like, holy shit, this place is incredible. 0.99

02:23:42.000 I forgot how fun it was. 0.96

02:23:44.000 And it's like, a bunch of people there to have a good time.

02:23:46.000 It's like, that's what you want.

02:23:47.000 You want people that are just like, purposely, I'm here to have a good time.

02:23:50.000 They want fun.

02:23:51.000 I'm in a town that's specifically designed to have a good time.

02:23:54.000 That's the first place I saw the axe throwing stuff.

02:23:57.000 They have new ideas.

02:23:58.000 For some reason, people will bring new ideas and they'll like Vegas.

02:24:02.000 What's the next thing that people want to do?

02:24:04.000 What do they want to try?

02:24:05.000 I think that's a good place.

02:24:07.000 If you have an idea and you want to see if people are into it, that's the place to do it.

02:24:11.000 Yeah.

02:24:11.000 So that's where you'll see a lot of these robots and stuff like that there.

02:24:15.000 They'll have some kind of robot wrestling or something. 0.97

02:24:17.000 Well, it'll be robot prostitutes. 1.00

02:24:18.000 Sure. 1.00

02:24:19.000 They'll unleash them.

02:24:20.000 That'll be the first place they do it, in Vegas. 0.57

02:24:21.000 And you know, the weed thing there, too, which is weird that their weed laws are, you can buy it, but you can't really smoke it on the street or in the hotels or anything like that.

02:24:28.000 So I don't know where people are actually smoking that weed, but that just added another layer.

02:24:32.000 Gotta go over to someone's house.

02:24:33.000 It's like an Airbnb for smoke breaks.

02:24:36.000 Just on top of the stratosphere.

02:24:38.000 You know, you gotta...

02:24:39.000 This hot box in the battle box arena.

02:24:41.000 But there is the sad of Vegas, and let's face it, there's some, like, you know, you go to old Vegas and you're, like, walking down those streets.

02:24:46.000 It's sad.

02:24:47.000 There's definitely a lot of sad in Vegas.

02:24:49.000 There's some fun to it, too, though.

02:24:50.000 It has all those museums, like, just crazy museums there.

02:24:53.000 If you're going to have gambling, you're going to have failure. 0.96

02:24:57.000 You have people who just fucking hit the rocks at 400 miles an hour. 0.97

02:25:03.000 4 a.m., you can't quit the penny slots. 0.99

02:25:05.000 People lose everything.

02:25:07.000 Have you ever seen those videos of people just peeing in their seats because they don't feel like getting up?

02:25:11.000 Nuh-uh.

02:25:12.000 Yeah, there's this girl. 1.00

02:25:13.000 She's sitting there.

02:25:15.000 There's this girl sitting there on her phone, and she's sitting at one of the slot machines. 0.96

02:25:20.000 She just pisses. 1.00

02:25:21.000 A girl or an older woman? 0.80

02:25:23.000 Yeah, a girl. 0.97

02:25:23.000 A lady. 0.97

02:25:24.000 Was she hot? 1.00

02:25:24.000 Look, she's just sitting there pissing. 1.00

02:25:26.000 She's kind of hot. 1.00

02:25:27.000 So she's on the phone. 1.00

02:25:27.000 She says, I'm just going to fucking piss. 1.00

02:25:29.000 So she's just pissing. 1.00

02:25:31.000 While she's sitting there. 0.92

02:25:32.000 But she doesn't look like a degenerate. 0.99

02:25:34.000 She just looks like drunk. 0.99

02:25:36.000 She's probably both. 0.98

02:25:37.000 She's too hot to be like a degenerate. 1.00

02:25:39.000 She's probably drunk or something. 0.99

02:25:40.000 Bro, she's just pissing on the ground in front of everybody. 1.00

02:25:43.000 Lucky ground.

02:25:44.000 And people are filming it.

02:25:46.000 And she's got like a beautiful purse, nice shoes.

02:25:49.000 That's in Vegas?

02:25:50.000 Yeah.

02:25:51.000 It doesn't really.

02:25:53.000 Wow.

02:25:53.000 What casino is that at, Jamie?

02:25:55.000 I don't know.

02:25:56.000 I'm just looking at it.

02:25:57.000 Woman pees while gambling at casinos. 0.98

02:25:59.000 She refuses to go to the bathroom so she doesn't ruin her luck. 0.86

02:26:03.000 Take the caption out of it.

02:26:04.000 Is there any chance that's not what it is?

02:26:05.000 Yeah, like what if it's coming from her bag or she put a drink in between her legs?

02:26:10.000 What a weird ad for that.

02:26:11.000 She's really turned on.

02:26:12.000 I would like to just keep believing she's peeing. 0.66

02:26:15.000 That makes it better.

02:26:16.000 That's what it looks like.

02:26:17.000 What a weird...

02:26:17.000 It definitely looks like she's peeing.

02:26:20.000 I can't get over how hot she is. 1.00

02:26:22.000 Apparently, people do do that, though.

02:26:23.000 I've talked to people.

02:26:24.000 I was expecting someone in one of those scooters.

02:26:26.000 I've seen it in other videos, but this is the one that went around viral.

02:26:28.000 Right.

02:26:29.000 That's because she's hot. 1.00

02:26:31.000 Don't they do that in Times Square?

02:26:33.000 Everywhere.

02:26:34.000 With a ball drop? 0.96

02:26:35.000 That people are peeing and shitting everywhere. 0.97

02:26:37.000 Don't people wear diapers because it's so crowded? 0.93

02:26:39.000 You're not allowed to leave once you get in that security zone. 1.00

02:26:42.000 They should all die. 1.00

02:26:44.000 What? 1.00

02:26:45.000 Sorry. 1.00

02:26:46.000 If you're wearing a diaper to go see something and you can't pee, you're useless. 0.99

02:26:51.000 Anyway, that was weird. 0.98

02:26:55.000 I'm not wearing a diaper today.

02:26:57.000 I changed my catheter.

02:26:58.000 Imagine they gave you that option that just connected you.

02:27:01.000 Would you like to be connected to the urinal?

02:27:03.000 You're like, yeah, sure, just connect me.

02:27:05.000 And they just strap you in, put you in a chair, and you just zip your dong.

02:27:08.000 Just let it hang out.

02:27:10.000 You can pee at any time.

02:27:10.000 You're in a bag.

02:27:11.000 You're in a blue, dark bag.

02:27:14.000 I hate those machines.

02:27:14.000 As long as I didn't have to sit in it, I'd do that.

02:27:17.000 Those machines suck. 1.00

02:27:18.000 I'd rather play blackjack than I was playing them with you and these dumb machines. 1.00

02:27:22.000 It's like, by the time you figure it out, you're already about $100 into these dumb games. 0.97

02:27:26.000 And then I'm like, look at all this information, and it's like, you never know if you're winning or not. 1.00

02:27:31.000 It's like, why am I hitting an idiot? 1.00

02:27:34.000 You're hitting the butt, waiting for a treat to come out. 1.00

02:27:36.000 Ding, ding, ding. 0.98

02:27:36.000 But I like the classic, and you know, it's just, I don't know how people do it. 0.98

02:27:40.000 And then every time it came around me, I started losing it.

02:27:42.000 Yeah, it was a dark cloud.

02:27:44.000 Slot revenue made up 66.3% of total gaming win.

02:27:48.000 Wow!

02:27:48.000 Penny slots generated 9.6% of total slot win with $3.15 billion, which is pennies.

02:27:55.000 That's crazy.

02:27:56.000 Which is down 12% from 2022, while slots that accept multiple denominations generated $5.9 billion, up 16.7% from last year. 0.98

02:28:07.000 So people are getting dumber. 0.86

02:28:08.000 People always have money to gamble. 1.00

02:28:10.000 They're getting dumber. 1.00

02:28:11.000 They're blowing more money on slot machines. 1.00

02:28:13.000 I'm a part of it.

02:28:15.000 What's your biggest win on a slot?

02:28:18.000 $1,100.

02:28:20.000 And how long did it take you to get that?

02:28:22.000 I was there for like an hour.

02:28:24.000 That's not bad.

02:28:24.000 If you had to guess, though, how much are you in the hole to slot machines all time?

02:28:30.000 Oh, Joe.

02:28:32.000 So much.

02:28:33.000 Well, I mean, I lost like three grand when I was in Vegas.

02:28:36.000 On slot machines?

02:28:37.000 Well, I play a little roulette, too.

02:28:40.000 I like how that's your backup game.

02:28:42.000 Roulette.

02:28:42.000 I understand this game.

02:28:43.000 I'm an idiot. 1.00

02:28:46.000 Guessing. 1.00

02:28:46.000 I'm guessing. 1.00

02:28:47.000 Last night on stage, I lost $20 betting someone on rock, paper, scissors in the front row.

02:28:51.000 I love gambling.

02:28:53.000 I'm not good at it.

02:28:54.000 Are you a sports guy, too?

02:28:56.000 No, I don't like sports.

02:28:57.000 Sports, because we really can make it.

02:28:59.000 I don't understand the over-unders and the parlays.

02:29:03.000 Yeah, but we've been to the track on the road, and that's fun.

02:29:06.000 And that's another one where it takes forever to figure it out, the trifectas and the quintelas and all those other...

02:29:13.000 Those track junkies are weird folk.

02:29:16.000 Oh, yeah.

02:29:17.000 My uncle was one of them.

02:29:18.000 He got me to pull the trigger on the start of a race once.

02:29:21.000 Oh, wow.

02:29:22.000 It's a fun date, though.

02:29:23.000 Like, if you take a girl, it's like, hey, this is kind of cool. 0.91

02:29:25.000 Like, we're the upper class.

02:29:26.000 But it's like you're surrounded by some of the saddest people who've ever lived.

02:29:29.000 You know, the people who live at the track. 1.00

02:29:31.000 The saddest shit is off-track betting. 1.00

02:29:34.000 Oh, that was so much fun. 1.00

02:29:35.000 Oh, yeah.

02:29:36.000 OTB. Yeah.

02:29:37.000 Remember that?

02:29:38.000 Oh, my God.

02:29:39.000 In New York, they had off-track betting.

02:29:41.000 Oh, Chinatown is everywhere.

02:29:42.000 Gambling junkies would go and bet on the races from the middle of nowhere.

02:29:46.000 That was the most unhealthiest place.

02:29:48.000 Like, you would walk in, it was like waves of smoke.

02:29:50.000 Yeah.

02:29:50.000 Oh, man, it was just terrible going in there.

02:29:53.000 I remember people, like, I was like, do you have a bathroom here?

02:29:57.000 I'm like, what are you talking about?

02:29:59.000 There's no bathroom here.

02:30:01.000 People would be living in it.

02:30:02.000 Yeah, come on. 0.77

02:30:04.000 They'd be taking showers in there.

02:30:07.000 Yeah, off-track betting was this guy, White Plains Charlie, that I used to hang around with.

02:30:12.000 White Plains in executive billiards in White Plains.

02:30:15.000 And he would always go to off-track betting during the day.

02:30:17.000 He'd come back complaining.

02:30:19.000 What is off-track betting?

02:30:21.000 This is before the internet where you'd put it in and you'd be able to bet on races around the country, you know?

02:30:26.000 So you're betting on horse races, but you're nowhere near the horse race. 1.00

02:30:30.000 And all these fucking psychotic gamblers. 1.00

02:30:33.000 These guys are nuts. 1.00

02:30:34.000 Look at these people. 1.00

02:30:35.000 They're all just completely addicted. 0.98

02:30:37.000 They're all shady. 0.85

02:30:38.000 Everyone's in there. 1.00

02:30:39.000 Everyone's fucked their whole life up with this addiction. 0.99

02:30:42.000 Yeah, that was my uncle, man. 0.92

02:30:43.000 And they're just donating money.

02:30:45.000 You know, I remember...

02:30:46.000 It looks like the DMV. I was gonna say, like, I remember walking past, I was like, is this like the cab authority?

02:30:51.000 Is this like where the cabbies hang out?

02:30:53.000 Look how sad these guys look.

02:30:54.000 Like, give me a click on some of the folks hanging out there.

02:30:57.000 They're great.

02:30:58.000 They just look like everything's gone wrong.

02:31:00.000 Look at that guy. 0.99

02:31:02.000 I'll fucking tell you what the government's plan is. 1.00

02:31:07.000 Yeah, they're all just junkies. 0.99

02:31:09.000 It's the name of one of the horse's government's plan. 0.82

02:31:10.000 It was a nice way to spend an afternoon.

02:31:12.000 That's how they portrayed it on the commercial.

02:31:14.000 Just a bunch of junkies.

02:31:16.000 Oh, God.

02:31:17.000 Ghost of Wagers Pass.

02:31:19.000 Still living.

02:31:20.000 Yeah, they closed all...

02:31:21.000 This is all down.

02:31:23.000 They don't have off-track betting anymore?

02:31:24.000 I don't think so.

02:31:25.000 Why did they make that illegal?

02:31:26.000 Near the Manhattan Bridge.

02:31:28.000 Do you think?

02:31:29.000 I think so.

02:31:30.000 Life-long Upper West Side.

02:31:32.000 Cider makes documentary about off-track betting.

02:31:34.000 Oh, look.

02:31:34.000 That looks classy, though.

02:31:36.000 That's a nice one.

02:31:36.000 Yeah, that's a nice one.

02:31:37.000 That's the Upper West Side.

02:31:38.000 They're betting on something besides horses there, I think.

02:31:43.000 That's like falconry or something.

02:31:45.000 Something another level of animal.

02:31:50.000 Well, there's always dog races too, right?

02:31:52.000 Yeah, I've been to those in person, and they were a lot of fun.

02:31:55.000 Really?

02:31:55.000 You know, they used to have the thing where they, this was like a rite of passage or at a state fair where they had monkeys riding dogs, and they were like, this has got to end now.

02:32:05.000 And I'm like, oh, come on, it's hilarious.

02:32:08.000 You know, and the monkeys would be like riding them around, they'd have them do a circle.

02:32:12.000 Man, that was really fun.

02:32:14.000 I think everybody had a good time.

02:32:16.000 The dog, the monkey, everybody's having a good time in that one.

02:32:18.000 I saw a video today of India, and these folks are walking down this road, and this monkey runs up behind and just dropkicks this lady. 0.87

02:32:26.000 Yeah, see?

02:32:27.000 Look at this.

02:32:29.000 Monkey riding dogs.

02:32:30.000 It's a good heat.

02:32:31.000 I got the guy in red.

02:32:32.000 I got the guy in red.

02:32:33.000 Purple's making a comeback.

02:32:35.000 Hey, stop.

02:32:35.000 Hey, what's going on?

02:32:36.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:32:37.000 We should have bet!

02:32:38.000 Oh, this is such a lame one.

02:32:40.000 But look at the dogs! 0.95

02:32:41.000 He's easily distracted.

02:32:42.000 You're taking a bow. 0.56

02:32:44.000 Do any of the monkeys rip the dogs' faces off? 0.75

02:32:47.000 That's great.

02:32:48.000 No, they know better than that. 1.00

02:32:49.000 Dogs will bite their fucking head off. 1.00

02:32:49.000 Are they friends? 1.00

02:32:51.000 Like, do they get along?

02:32:51.000 They have to be buddies.

02:32:52.000 The dogs don't seem to mind.

02:32:53.000 They have to split the purse. 1.00

02:32:55.000 The dogs probably, for the dogs, probably like being pet.

02:32:58.000 Like, yeah, he's petting me.

02:32:59.000 Aww.

02:33:00.000 He's riding me.

02:33:01.000 He's wearing a little dress.

02:33:02.000 And they don't weigh much.

02:33:04.000 Oh, that's so fun.

02:33:05.000 So these people are walking down this road in India, and this monkey runs up behind them, dropkicks this one lady, and then runs a little further, and dropkicks this little kid, and then just runs off.

02:33:15.000 Like, 100% did it on purpose.

02:33:17.000 That's great. 1.00

02:33:18.000 Fuck these people. 1.00

02:33:19.000 That's great. 1.00

02:33:20.000 He's a migrant. 0.68

02:33:21.000 What an angry.

02:33:23.000 Runs up with its back feet.

02:33:24.000 Like a dropkick, right?

02:33:26.000 Yeah, like a real pro wrestling dropkick.

02:33:28.000 Did he try to steal their purse, or was it love of the game? 0.99

02:33:30.000 No, just fucked them up. 0.99

02:33:30.000 Just the love of the game. 0.99

02:33:31.000 That's awesome. 1.00

02:33:32.000 Just dropped some bombs on these fucking fools. 1.00

02:33:34.000 That's the best. 1.00

02:33:36.000 Oh, nice one!

02:33:38.000 Oh, bro.

02:33:39.000 You've been served.

02:33:40.000 It's like, boom! 1.00

02:33:41.000 This monkey just decided to fuck this dude up. 0.99

02:33:44.000 Well, he's egging him on, though. 1.00

02:33:46.000 He's like, fuck you. 1.00

02:33:46.000 Did he give him the finger? 1.00

02:33:48.000 Oh my god!

02:33:49.000 He tried to stand his ground, but the monkey's like... 1.00

02:33:51.000 Yeah, he tried to say fuck you to the monkey. 1.00

02:33:53.000 That guy, I hate to say it. 1.00

02:33:54.000 He left his thing behind.

02:33:56.000 He's so disoriented.

02:33:57.000 Where's the monkey?

02:33:58.000 Is this outdoors or is it indoors?

02:34:00.000 The one that I saw, it was outdoors.

02:34:02.000 That's a scary attack. 1.00

02:34:04.000 They'll steal your fucking kids, man. 1.00

02:34:06.000 This is crazy. 1.00

02:34:08.000 Oh, look at those tails, man.

02:34:09.000 Oh, they're dragging the girl.

02:34:11.000 Oh, no.

02:34:12.000 Yeah.

02:34:13.000 Yeah, dude, that's sketchy. 1.00

02:34:16.000 I would not let the monkey grab my fucking kid. 1.00

02:34:18.000 No! 1.00

02:34:18.000 But then you've got to realize, like, they'll fuck you up. 1.00

02:34:21.000 Like, a little monkey will fuck you up. 1.00

02:34:22.000 They can't treat it like it's a little person. 1.00

02:34:25.000 They must think we're so stupid. 1.00

02:34:26.000 Like, they just keep feeding them. 1.00

02:34:28.000 I mean, honestly.

02:34:29.000 Well, in a lot of places, they'll take your phone.

02:34:31.000 Yes.

02:34:31.000 In order to give the phone back, you have to give them something.

02:34:35.000 That's smart.

02:34:35.000 You have to give them food.

02:34:36.000 Yep.

02:34:37.000 Can you train the monkey to steal a phone and give it to you so you can sell it?

02:34:41.000 I'm sure you can.

02:34:43.000 And that's in like, where is it where they live in like a monastery or a ruin or something like that?

02:34:49.000 They kind of control the town.

02:34:50.000 I think it's in India or Thailand or something like that where it's like just troops of monkeys, hundreds of them stop traffic and they can't do anything. 0.98

02:34:57.000 Yeah.

02:34:58.000 You can't fight them unless you're willing to go to war.

02:35:02.000 You've got to really be willing to go to war.

02:35:04.000 What's your weapon?

02:35:05.000 You've got to need machine guns.

02:35:07.000 Yeah, how would you fight the monkey army?

02:35:09.000 Yeah, they're going to swarm on you.

02:35:11.000 You've got to be able to maybe even...

02:35:13.000 Yeah, you need something where you've got multiple rounds. 1.00

02:35:17.000 No, they'll take that mace around away from you and stuff it up your ass. 1.00

02:35:22.000 They'll jump on your face and bite your nose off, and then you drop the mace, and then they beat you to death with the mace. 1.00

02:35:26.000 Like, you're fucked. 1.00

02:35:27.000 You've got to have a motorcycle helmet on, Kevlar suit. 1.00

02:35:31.000 There it is.

02:35:31.000 Yeah.

02:35:32.000 You gotta look like Tex Cobb in Raising Arizona.

02:35:34.000 Exactly.

02:35:35.000 No, but he was still vulnerable.

02:35:37.000 The skin was exposed.

02:35:38.000 You want to literally be wearing like a motorcycle riding outfit made out of Kevlar.

02:35:43.000 Oh my god, look at them!

02:35:44.000 That's like two troops of monkeys going at it.

02:35:46.000 Yeah, they're fighting.

02:35:47.000 Look at that.

02:35:48.000 Well, this was, I think, during COVID. One of the things that happened during COVID was they didn't have access to all the tourists.

02:35:53.000 So they were starving.

02:35:55.000 So they had to become dependent upon people and where people would hang out and leave food.

02:36:00.000 You're right.

02:36:00.000 Yeah.

02:36:01.000 Look at those guys. 1.00

02:36:03.000 They're probably fucking starving. 0.99

02:36:04.000 That's a nice spread, though, that they put out for them. 0.99

02:36:06.000 That is pretty sweet.

02:36:07.000 Yeah, that's good.

02:36:07.000 Sort of like...

02:36:08.000 One guy was dressed as a monkey.

02:36:10.000 I'm infiltrating.

02:36:11.000 A nice little buffet.

02:36:12.000 Look at this.

02:36:12.000 Sort of cool.

02:36:14.000 They're all different plates of food.

02:36:15.000 Like a carnival cruise.

02:36:16.000 Yeah, it's nice.

02:36:17.000 They're at the buffet.

02:36:18.000 It's like all you can eat.

02:36:19.000 Look at them. 1.00

02:36:20.000 They're fucking having a good old time. 0.99

02:36:21.000 You would think that with all this nice treatment, they wouldn't steal any babies, but they still will. 1.00

02:36:27.000 What's that?

02:36:27.000 These guys are wearing a giant mask.

02:36:29.000 They're so smart.

02:36:30.000 Oh, boy.

02:36:30.000 He's their leader.

02:36:31.000 I think that might be a statue.

02:36:33.000 Is that a statue or a dude?

02:36:35.000 Oh, yeah, that's like the god.

02:36:36.000 They're worshipped.

02:36:37.000 Yeah.

02:36:38.000 Whoa.

02:36:39.000 Oh, that looks like rats.

02:36:40.000 I know.

02:36:45.000 It's so wild what people choose to and choose not to worship.

02:36:48.000 Look, he's shaking it off.

02:36:50.000 It's like, enough for the table, boys. 1.00

02:36:53.000 Boy, what a fucking horrible life that is. 0.99

02:36:56.000 Imagine being a monkey in India and no tourists show up and you're like, you gotta be kidding. 1.00

02:37:01.000 Where's the food, man?

02:37:02.000 If they only had dogs to ride, then they could make a living.

02:37:06.000 They could really make a difference.

02:37:08.000 Do you know the story of Cobra Charmers?

02:37:11.000 No.

02:37:12.000 Cobra Charmers started because they started offering people money to kill cobras. 0.96

02:37:19.000 And so what people realized is you could breed cobras and then kill those cobras.

02:37:24.000 And so every cobra you capture and kill, they give you a little bit of money.

02:37:28.000 So they started breeding cobras.

02:37:29.000 And so then the government got wise to it and say, hey, stop.

02:37:33.000 You can't do this.

02:37:34.000 No more bounty on cobras. 0.99

02:37:35.000 And they're like, what are we gonna do with these fucking cobras? 1.00

02:37:37.000 And so they started fucking doing shows with him. 1.00

02:37:40.000 No shit! 1.00

02:37:41.000 I didn't know that. 1.00

02:37:42.000 Let's see if that's true.

02:37:44.000 Did you just tell us?

02:37:45.000 Did you make this up?

02:37:47.000 No!

02:37:47.000 Imagine if I made it up.

02:37:48.000 But I don't remember the source.

02:37:51.000 Which is often the case.

02:37:52.000 I don't remember the source of that story. 0.99

02:37:54.000 You mean we can't make these Cobras fuck anymore? 1.00

02:37:58.000 I mean, it makes sense. 1.00

02:38:00.000 People find ways.

02:38:03.000 Where are they native to?

02:38:04.000 That's India? 0.93

02:38:05.000 Like, where are the Cobras? 0.99

02:38:06.000 I believe it's India.

02:38:07.000 I mean, think about the people going back and forth from Mexico and making $8,000 a month.

02:38:11.000 Like, same kind of deal.

02:38:13.000 People find a little loophole.

02:38:15.000 Like, oh, I got an idea.

02:38:16.000 He's gonna breed Cobras. 0.96

02:38:17.000 Bro, I'm breeding Cobras.

02:38:19.000 Making the criminals.

02:38:20.000 That's another tough one.

02:38:21.000 How many guys died breeding Cobras?

02:38:24.000 Yeah.

02:38:25.000 I'm looking through the thing, but that's a pretty sneaky thing I never heard.

02:38:28.000 For safety, some North American snake charmers stitch close the mouth of the performing snakes, leaving just enough opening for the animal to be able to move its tongue in and out.

02:38:38.000 Members of the audience in that region believe the snake's ability to deliver venomous bites comes from its tongue rather than its fangs.

02:38:45.000 Snakes subjected to this practice soon die of starvation or mouth infection and must be replaced by freshly caught specimens.

02:39:10.000 Jesus Christ!

02:39:13.000 Wow, that's abuse!

02:39:14.000 Methods of dealing with the fangs include expert surgical removal of both of the fangs and replacement fangs which has been done by some Native American and African snake charmers. 0.99

02:39:26.000 Barring extraordinary measures pulled fangs are replaced within days.

02:39:30.000 Fangs may also be plugged with wax or other material.

02:39:35.000 Well, so it's like a three-chord Monty, kind of like, you're thinking the guy could really die, nothing could happen to him.

02:39:41.000 Right, but see if that's the origin of us, that they used to, Google that, like if they used to give bounties for Cobras, but people took advantage of it.

02:39:50.000 Pretty sure that's a real story.

02:39:52.000 This has the history.

02:39:53.000 It goes all the way back to ancient Egypt.

02:39:56.000 Right.

02:39:56.000 A viper.

02:39:57.000 But in India, what I'm talking about is the bounty on Cobra thing. 0.91

02:40:00.000 The real money is in being a snake dentist with all those fang removals. 1.00

02:40:05.000 I'm not saying that they invented it, but I'm saying that's where it came from, where there were so many of them, and it was associated with India.

02:40:11.000 These are people that...

02:40:12.000 Apparently he had a bunch of snakes laying around. 0.99

02:40:14.000 Like, look, we need to figure out a way to fucking diversify. 0.97

02:40:17.000 Wasn't that St. Patrick? 0.98

02:40:18.000 Didn't he chase all the snakes out of Ireland?

02:40:21.000 Wasn't he the guy?

02:40:22.000 But what are you supposed to do?

02:40:23.000 Imagine a snake living in Ireland.

02:40:25.000 It's so cold.

02:40:27.000 It's probably easy to chase him out of there.

02:40:28.000 Bring me back to India and take my teeth out. 1.00

02:40:31.000 What happens with the...

02:40:32.000 Like, were you supposed to tip that guy?

02:40:34.000 It's like a street performance.

02:40:35.000 This is in a longer article.

02:40:37.000 The first paragraph says...

02:40:38.000 Legend goes that a cobra infestigation plagued Delhi in the 1800s, so the British Raj decided to offer a cash reward for every dead cobra.

02:40:45.000 The menace briefly subsided until the plan backfired.

02:40:48.000 Savvy Indians built cobra farms so they could have a constant supply of snakes to kill and redeem for money. 1.00

02:40:54.000 Wow.

02:40:55.000 You were right.

02:40:55.000 The British eventually uncovered the scheme and ended its incentive.

02:40:59.000 With no use for the now worthless snakes, breeders released the creatures onto Delhi's streets.

02:41:04.000 Wow.

02:41:05.000 You were right, man.

02:41:06.000 So it made the problem worse.

02:41:07.000 That's right.

02:41:08.000 That's what it was.

02:41:09.000 Oh, wow. 0.89

02:41:09.000 I fucked up the story. 0.89

02:41:11.000 No, you got a lot of it, right? 0.94

02:41:12.000 Yeah, you nailed it.

02:41:13.000 The problem worse. 1.00

02:41:14.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:41:15.000 Man. 1.00

02:41:15.000 Yeah, people are gross. 1.00

02:41:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:41:18.000 They're like, fuck these cobras. 1.00

02:41:19.000 They just let them loose. 1.00

02:41:21.000 You don't see that on New York streets anymore, like performing dogs or any of that kind of stuff.

02:41:26.000 You don't see any kind of animal. 0.99

02:41:27.000 That's illegal, but you can just go shit in the curb. 0.99

02:41:29.000 Yeah, well, that's fine. 1.00

02:41:31.000 That's it.

02:41:31.000 That's a performance.

02:41:32.000 You will see somebody who's like, you know, I'm a squatter with a dog and the poor dog's there all day long, you know, just like laying next to him.

02:41:38.000 Is that?

02:41:38.000 That I always feel like.

02:41:39.000 Are those dogs drugged or are they so socialized that they're just docile?

02:41:43.000 I think that's what they're used to living like that.

02:41:45.000 You think?

02:41:46.000 Yeah, they're just used to that existence.

02:41:48.000 But you're really giving money to the dog, hoping that he'll take the money and take care of the dog, but really, we don't know what he's doing.

02:41:54.000 A homeless guy without a dog is probably like 60% less effective than a homeless guy with a dog.

02:41:59.000 That's my rough estimation.

02:42:00.000 Yeah.

02:42:01.000 You remember Norm MacDonald's joke about the homeless guy with the dog?

02:42:04.000 It's like, wow, what is the dog thinking?

02:42:07.000 This is the longest walk ever.

02:42:08.000 Are we ever going home?

02:42:11.000 Man, it's been going on for days now. 1.00

02:42:14.000 That's the fucked up thing about dogs. 0.99

02:42:16.000 They're so awesome. 1.00

02:42:16.000 They'll love you even if you're just homeless and just fucking lazy as shit and never getting anything done. 1.00

02:42:23.000 They still love you. 1.00

02:42:24.000 It's real unconditional love.

02:42:26.000 It's beautiful.

02:42:27.000 My cat does that.

02:42:29.000 Sure. 0.99

02:42:30.000 The cat will eat you when you die.

02:42:32.000 Cats have feelings.

02:42:33.000 Within seconds.

02:42:34.000 I'll be one with him, finally.

02:42:37.000 I'll be inside of him.

02:42:39.000 All right, kids. 1.00

02:42:39.000 Let's wrap this bitch up and bring it home. 1.00

02:42:42.000 Ian, very fun. 0.99

02:42:43.000 Thank you for being here.

02:42:44.000 This is a blast.

02:42:44.000 Thank you, man.

02:42:44.000 My pleasure, brother.

02:42:45.000 Thank you very much.

02:42:46.000 Yeah.

02:42:46.000 And I'm excited to see you guys this weekend.

02:42:48.000 Thank you, buddy. 1.00

02:42:49.000 So, Dave, you're the fucking man. 1.00

02:42:50.000 I love you to death. 1.00

02:42:51.000 You're one of the best of all time.

02:42:52.000 Joe, thank you for all of us for doing what you do, man.

02:42:55.000 Honestly, it was a great hang.

02:42:56.000 And the club, I can't wait to be there.

02:42:57.000 We're excited!

02:42:58.000 Okay, that's it.

02:42:59.000 Thank you.

02:43:00.000 Oh, you special?

02:43:00.000 When is it coming out?

02:43:01.000 March 26, Netflix.

02:43:03.000 Hot Crust Buns.

02:43:04.000 Yes!

02:43:05.000 Alright, bye everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 23, 2024

Joe Rogan Experience #2124 - Dave Attell & Ian Fidance

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