The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2145 - Colin Quinn

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:13.000 Hello, Joe.

00:00:15.000 Joe, that was fun last night.

00:00:16.000 Let me just start by saying what a fun time at the club.

00:00:20.000 The green room and everything else.

00:00:22.000 And here's what I was talking to the head of security at the club.

00:00:25.000 Here's what I love about the club.

00:00:26.000 I worked at the club.

00:00:27.000 I had a great weekend a couple of months ago.

00:00:31.000 Is they keep the audience in line.

00:00:35.000 Nobody's heckling without getting booted.

00:00:38.000 Is that not the most important thing in comedy that nobody talks about?

00:00:41.000 It's very important.

00:00:42.000 It's unbelievable.

00:00:44.000 And unfortunately, there's so many crowd work clips that get put out on Instagram.

00:00:51.000 People are now thinking that they want to be a part of the show.

00:00:55.000 And so I see people much more often chiming in and yelling things out and they think they're going to be a part of things.

00:01:02.000 Yeah.

00:01:02.000 And even when you go, when you try to be nice on the first line, you go, that was okay, sir.

00:01:08.000 Then they try again.

00:01:09.000 You're like, listen, you...

00:01:09.000 Oh my God.

00:01:10.000 But that's what I love about your club.

00:01:12.000 Everybody there just has the energy like, we're going to tell you right now, another word, you're out.

00:01:16.000 That's how it should be.

00:01:18.000 Yeah.

00:01:18.000 Because as you know, there's no...

00:01:20.000 Nobody heckles once.

00:01:22.000 Right.

00:01:23.000 Nobody's ever heckled once.

00:01:24.000 Nobody heckles sober either.

00:01:26.000 And nobody heckles sober.

00:01:27.000 And they just like to start trouble.

00:01:29.000 And the green one was fun.

00:01:30.000 And even though I didn't go on, I also didn't go on because you have to understand the language.

00:01:35.000 Where I was like, you want to go on?

00:01:36.000 I go, I don't really want to go on.

00:01:38.000 You go, that's cool.

00:01:38.000 But really, then you're supposed to say...

00:01:41.000 The crowd really wants you to go.

00:01:42.000 And I'm like, Joe, I don't want to bump anybody.

00:01:45.000 No, you wouldn't be bumping anybody.

00:01:47.000 We'll just cut Tony's time down.

00:01:49.000 Joe, I don't want to be that guy. 0.97

00:01:51.000 You're like, don't be ridiculous. 0.99

00:01:52.000 Oh, I have to dance with you. 0.99

00:01:53.000 Go on.

00:01:54.000 I didn't know you wanted to dance.

00:01:55.000 You want to dance tonight?

00:01:57.000 No, I got to leave.

00:01:58.000 I'm going to Seattle tonight. 1.00

00:01:59.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:02:00.000 I got to go. 1.00

00:02:01.000 I would love to, yeah.

00:02:02.000 Are you performing tonight in Seattle?

00:02:04.000 No, no.

00:02:05.000 Maybe I can change my flight.

00:02:07.000 Well, let's see.

00:02:07.000 Maybe I can change it.

00:02:08.000 Move it around.

00:02:09.000 There's plenty of flights out of Austin.

00:02:11.000 It's a wonderful hub.

00:02:12.000 It is.

00:02:13.000 It's great.

00:02:14.000 It keeps booming every time I see it.

00:02:15.000 Last time I see it, it was COVID. Yeah, I don't think it's going to get too much bigger.

00:02:18.000 I think we've reached peak.

00:02:19.000 You think so?

00:02:20.000 Yeah, I think it's about it.

00:02:20.000 You think Shane Gillis was the last citizen they allowed in?

00:02:23.000 No, there's a few more coming.

00:02:25.000 Joe DeRosa just got a place here.

00:02:27.000 He did?

00:02:27.000 Yeah, and Joey Diaz is getting a place here.

00:02:29.000 I can't believe the two Joe D's are going to be here. 0.95

00:02:32.000 Let's go.

00:02:33.000 That's great.

00:02:34.000 Joe Diaz and Joe DeRosa is a fierce combination.

00:02:36.000 I know, but I spoke to Joe DeRosa yesterday.

00:02:38.000 I deliberately didn't go to the chicken place because of Joe DeRosa.

00:02:41.000 Really?

00:02:42.000 Why?

00:02:42.000 Because when he recommended it, it just bugged me.

00:02:46.000 His confidence when he goes, you gotta try this chicken place.

00:02:49.000 It's Gus's fried chicken, and it's phenomenal.

00:02:53.000 I just don't like that Joe has positioned himself as the new gastronomic expert in comedy.

00:02:58.000 Right, because he owns a sub shop.

00:03:00.000 By the way, it's a good sub shop, though.

00:03:01.000 I heard it's amazing. 0.99

00:03:02.000 It's fucking great. 0.99

00:03:03.000 I'm embarrassed. 1.00

00:03:04.000 It's fucking great. 0.97

00:03:04.000 He brought some over when they were doing Moon Tower. 0.97

00:03:06.000 He was in town.

00:03:07.000 He brought some subs over. 0.99

00:03:09.000 They were fucking tremendous. 0.98

00:03:11.000 He's got a great place. 0.99

00:03:13.000 Yeah.

00:03:14.000 I always look at the Instagram photos.

00:03:15.000 I'm like, oh my god, it looks so good.

00:03:17.000 They said the bread's amazing.

00:03:18.000 Everything's amazing.

00:03:19.000 The food's amazing.

00:03:20.000 He makes a great sub.

00:03:22.000 Obviously, it's a labor of love.

00:03:24.000 He's a professional comic.

00:03:25.000 It's a side thing.

00:03:27.000 He's like, I like sandwiches.

00:03:28.000 Let's make a sandwich shop.

00:03:30.000 He knocked it out of the park.

00:03:31.000 Everybody who goes are big subs.

00:03:33.000 Yeah.

00:03:33.000 Not expensive.

00:03:34.000 The name Joey Roses is good.

00:03:36.000 Yes, it's great.

00:03:37.000 It's great.

00:03:38.000 It's anger-producing in some ways.

00:03:39.000 In a lot of ways for you.

00:03:41.000 You have a thing with him, I think.

00:03:42.000 With Joe?

00:03:43.000 Yeah.

00:03:44.000 I try to have a thing with everybody.

00:03:45.000 That's my thing, Joe.

00:03:47.000 I'd like to have a thing with you.

00:03:48.000 If you had studied straight karate and wanted to MMA, maybe I could have a thing with you.

00:03:53.000 But let's face it, you don't play games.

00:03:55.000 I do play games.

00:03:55.000 You're not to be taken lightly.

00:03:57.000 No, I don't.

00:04:00.000 But... 0.85

00:04:03.000 What about, uh, yeah, the, um, yeah, before I came down here, I was, because in New York, it's so funny, we were in the green room last night, all I want to do is bust balls with everybody. 0.91

00:04:13.000 Yeah.

00:04:13.000 Like, that's the, that's what I live for.

00:04:15.000 It's fun.

00:04:16.000 You know?

00:04:17.000 And, uh, when you see Shane Gillis in there, Shane Gillis is just that guy, he's so big, I just want you to, I want you to make, I want you to lock him in a, in a basement, and just feed him like red meat, and make him train MMA for like two years, and just eat mescaline and red meat.

00:04:33.000 I just become a stone-cold killer.

00:04:35.000 Wow. 0.91

00:04:36.000 That's my dream.

00:04:37.000 I've got him working out.

00:04:38.000 Yeah, I know.

00:04:39.000 Yeah.

00:04:39.000 He looked sore yesterday.

00:04:40.000 He said he really looked out.

00:04:41.000 We did two hard days this week.

00:04:43.000 Well, look how big he is. 1.00

00:04:44.000 He's a big fuck. 1.00

00:04:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:45.000 Big old football player kid.

00:04:46.000 If I was as big as him, I wouldn't be a comic.

00:04:48.000 No?

00:04:49.000 I'd be an animal.

00:04:51.000 I'd be working security at the club. 1.00

00:04:52.000 Telling people, shut up. 0.87

00:04:54.000 Tony's trying to do something up there. 0.95

00:04:59.000 Comedy's like, it's got an anger to it, don't you think?

00:05:02.000 A little bit.

00:05:02.000 Yeah, it's got to.

00:05:03.000 Well, there's just so much resistance.

00:05:05.000 It's so difficult to get through.

00:05:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:05:07.000 There's a lot of fucking running up that river. 0.99

00:05:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:05:14.000 What about, yeah, even the way we talk to each other.

00:05:17.000 Like, I'm at the cellar the other night, so here's what happened.

00:05:20.000 So I'm just sitting there.

00:05:21.000 Keith is there.

00:05:22.000 Norton's there.

00:05:23.000 So I just give the waitress, first of all, I'm like the Sinatra of tipping.

00:05:28.000 I didn't want to bring this up, but now I'm bringing it up because this is part of the story.

00:05:30.000 So I tip them, but I always put it there because I'm trying not to flash how much I tip.

00:05:36.000 Right.

00:05:36.000 So I'm trying to do it like that.

00:05:38.000 So Norton goes, ugh, you're tipping. 0.60

00:05:41.000 You're not part of the rat pack. 0.57

00:05:43.000 They just start trashing me for 10 minutes. 1.00

00:05:46.000 Meanwhile, what I should have said was I'm only doing that so you cheap bastards don't look bad. 1.00

00:05:51.000 You know? 0.99

00:05:52.000 I understand.

00:05:53.000 Yeah.

00:05:54.000 This is a daily thing.

00:05:55.000 I enjoy tipping myself.

00:05:56.000 Yeah, I could see you're a high roller.

00:05:58.000 It's like a little love bomb.

00:05:59.000 Give a little love bomb to people. 0.98

00:06:00.000 Yes!

00:06:00.000 An extra few dollars and it makes their whole day.

00:06:03.000 Yeah, you don't even feel it.

00:06:04.000 It makes people happy.

00:06:05.000 I always try to tell my cheap friends.

00:06:07.000 I'm like, you gotta get over that.

00:06:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:06:08.000 Fuck that 15%. 1.00

00:06:10.000 What are you doing? 1.00

00:06:10.000 I agree. 1.00

00:06:11.000 There's a lot of chislers. 1.00

00:06:12.000 Yeah, don't be a chiseler. 0.98

00:06:13.000 And they think of excuses.

00:06:15.000 Yeah.

00:06:15.000 Like, oh, you see that attitude she gave me?

00:06:18.000 Yeah. 0.70

00:06:20.000 Yeah, I give people big tips and they give me shitty service.

00:06:24.000 I just want everybody to be happy.

00:06:26.000 Yeah.

00:06:27.000 You can give them a little happiness and maybe they'll be nicer to the next people and use the butterfly effect.

00:06:33.000 Well, it's certainly not working for the planet right now, let's face it.

00:06:36.000 Eh, we're alright.

00:06:38.000 I think the problem is we're inundated with bad news constantly.

00:06:42.000 Yeah.

00:06:43.000 That's the real problem.

00:06:44.000 And then, you know, there's also like the problems in cities.

00:06:48.000 Yeah.

00:06:49.000 Well, everywhere.

00:06:50.000 I mean, you know, I just did a special, by the way, about...

00:06:53.000 It's releasing tomorrow.

00:06:55.000 It's about...

00:06:56.000 I did it in front of a psychiatrist's convention.

00:06:59.000 Did you really?

00:07:00.000 Yeah.

00:07:01.000 Yeah.

00:07:01.000 Wow.

00:07:02.000 I just did it.

00:07:02.000 And so I found...

00:07:04.000 I sought out a psychiatrist's convention and went there and said, hey, would you guys let me go on and just shoot my special in front of you?

00:07:11.000 And they said, sure.

00:07:12.000 So I did a whole thing.

00:07:14.000 Then they analyzed me afterwards, and it was funny.

00:07:16.000 What room was it at?

00:07:18.000 It was a ballroom, like one of those conventions.

00:07:20.000 It was like a Washington, D.C., some hotel off the beaten path where they were just having a convention.

00:07:26.000 And they did not plan on you being there?

00:07:28.000 No.

00:07:28.000 And so you knew they were going to be there at that time, and you coordinated with them, set up cameras, the whole deal.

00:07:35.000 Did you inform them before, like the psychiatrist beforehand, they were going to be a part of a comedy special?

00:07:40.000 Well, they were welcome to come to the show or not.

00:07:43.000 But yeah, we told them before, you know, if you come, you might be on film.

00:07:46.000 But yeah, they didn't have to show up.

00:07:47.000 Obviously, half of them probably showed up.

00:07:50.000 That's a great idea.

00:07:52.000 Yeah, I thought it was because it's about the world, how we're having a psychotic break.

00:07:56.000 We're talking about the planet.

00:07:58.000 So it was kind of fun for me because, you know, it was interesting for that angle, you know, the whole special is built around it.

00:08:05.000 It's so much more discussed.

00:08:07.000 The bad news is so much more discussed.

00:08:10.000 People's problems are so much more discussed.

00:08:12.000 Having problems is so much more a thing that people love to talk about now.

00:08:16.000 It makes you more interesting.

00:08:18.000 It gives you something to talk about.

00:08:20.000 And it's just so pervasive.

00:08:22.000 And I think social media has just broken people's brains.

00:08:26.000 Social media started as a fun aunt's kitchen where everybody was being positive and saying like, hey, you know, dance between the raindrops. 1.00

00:08:35.000 And then suddenly somebody was like, shut up, bitch, you fat bitch. 1.00

00:08:39.000 Fuck you and the raindrops. 1.00

00:08:40.000 And it just unleashed all of us. 1.00

00:08:42.000 That's what I say.

00:08:43.000 It's like it unleashed that part of people.

00:08:46.000 And here's the other thing, which I think you'll be interested in.

00:08:49.000 It's the first time in history you can threaten people and curse them out and not have to run or have a physical confrontation.

00:08:56.000 So fight or flight instinct is going to be eliminated from our genetics in two generations.

00:09:01.000 Yeah.

00:09:02.000 Not just that, but also you don't feel bad.

00:09:05.000 Like if you say something shitty to someone, you see the look on their face, even if you feel like you should have done it, when you're alone at night, you might be like, I didn't have to do that.

00:09:14.000 Why did I do that? 1.00

00:09:15.000 What a fucking asshole I am. 1.00

00:09:17.000 I gotta apologize. 1.00

00:09:19.000 And then you'll see him the next day, like, I was out of line.

00:09:21.000 I'm sorry. 0.99

00:09:22.000 I was dealing with a lot of shit. 0.98

00:09:24.000 You know, my mom, my sister, my this, my that. 0.98

00:09:27.000 I'm sorry.

00:09:28.000 I'm sorry.

00:09:29.000 There's none of that.

00:09:30.000 No.

00:09:30.000 You don't even know these people, too.

00:09:32.000 You don't have to say...

00:09:33.000 You can't... 1.00

00:09:33.000 Just say the most evil, mean shit, vicious shit, look through their pictures, look at you, you fat fuck, and your fucking toothless smile. 1.00

00:09:42.000 And they used to have gossip magazines, like if celebrities in the 1950s. 1.00

00:09:47.000 That's when they started to realize people love to read bad, scandalous stuff.

00:09:51.000 But now you get to respond.

00:09:53.000 You're like the writer and the reader of the gossip magazine.

00:09:56.000 You know what I do enjoy, though?

00:09:57.000 When people don't understand how it works, and they'll post something and just get smashed in the comments, and then they'll start going back and forth with people in the comments like, what are you doing?

00:10:08.000 What are you doing?

00:10:09.000 Oh, yeah.

00:10:11.000 Well, one of the biggest problems is people, this is one of many of them, trying to be funny.

00:10:19.000 They've always thought they were kind of funny.

00:10:23.000 And then they go in and try to be funny.

00:10:25.000 And they get away with a couple because they have two people that go, hey, that was good.

00:10:28.000 They start to think, I'm funny.

00:10:30.000 And then they get in there and people just start destroying them for trying to be funny.

00:10:34.000 Because they're not used to the heckling that we're used to.

00:10:36.000 We got trained out of all our hack habits.

00:10:40.000 Comedy trains you.

00:10:41.000 The audience trains you.

00:10:43.000 And being around the comics.

00:10:45.000 And being around other comics.

00:10:46.000 It regulates you. 0.99

00:10:46.000 What the fuck was that joke? 0.99

00:10:48.000 It regulates you. 1.00

00:10:49.000 Yeah, it does.

00:10:50.000 It does.

00:10:51.000 Yeah, you get feedback.

00:10:52.000 Yeah.

00:10:53.000 Feedback's important.

00:10:54.000 Positive and negative.

00:10:55.000 It's a whole other level.

00:10:57.000 Who gets more feedback than comics?

00:10:59.000 We get real live feedback from hundreds of people every night.

00:11:03.000 Every night.

00:11:03.000 You got feedback last night.

00:11:05.000 Just last night.

00:11:06.000 Hundreds of people.

00:11:06.000 You can't live in a theoretical world of like, I think this is funny.

00:11:09.000 I think this is good.

00:11:11.000 You're getting feedback.

00:11:14.000 Yeah.

00:11:15.000 It's fun though.

00:11:16.000 Don't you still enjoy it?

00:11:16.000 It's the best.

00:11:17.000 It's the only honest reaction you could get in today.

00:11:22.000 There's nothing virtual about it.

00:11:24.000 The most honest form of entertainment because...

00:11:27.000 You write it.

00:11:28.000 You perform it.

00:11:29.000 You produce it.

00:11:31.000 You edit it.

00:11:32.000 I was saying how easy doing sitcoms was when I first started doing sitcoms.

00:11:37.000 I go, they're great writers.

00:11:38.000 They write you great jokes.

00:11:40.000 You don't even have to work hard.

00:11:42.000 And I was talking about how bad my acts suffered during those days.

00:11:45.000 Because when I was first on a sitcom in 94, we were working like 12 hours a day on news radio.

00:11:50.000 It was long, long, long days.

00:11:52.000 So by the end of the day, I'm exhausted.

00:11:54.000 So if I did go up, it was just the same old material, just rehab.

00:11:58.000 I wasn't connected to it anymore.

00:11:59.000 I was like flat, you know?

00:12:01.000 And because when they're writing for you, it's so much easier.

00:12:06.000 Like the jokes are already there.

00:12:08.000 All you have to do is like add your little sauce to them.

00:12:10.000 It's great.

00:12:11.000 Flare them up a little bit.

00:12:13.000 I know.

00:12:13.000 I get so jealous of the idea of, like, the old days comedians would just have writers.

00:12:18.000 Oh, yeah.

00:12:18.000 Like, what do you got for me?

00:12:20.000 We gotta go out and think of this stuff.

00:12:21.000 A few people still do that, right?

00:12:23.000 Yeah, I'm sure they do.

00:12:23.000 A few guys do.

00:12:24.000 Like, I know, obviously, the guys who host talk shows do.

00:12:27.000 Yeah.

00:12:28.000 You know, you can't write a new monologue every day.

00:12:30.000 You'd be out of your mind.

00:12:31.000 I did on Tough Crowd.

00:12:32.000 You wrote that every day?

00:12:33.000 No, I'm not saying most of them didn't bomb, but I did write them all myself. 1.00

00:12:37.000 No shit. 0.99

00:12:38.000 When I went to see you on Tough Crowd, the best part of it was you warming up the crowd. 0.99

00:12:42.000 I was like, why don't they show this?

00:12:44.000 This is funnier than the rest of the whole show.

00:12:47.000 It was so good.

00:12:48.000 Thanks.

00:12:49.000 It was so good.

00:12:49.000 It was fun.

00:12:50.000 And that crowd was crazy.

00:12:52.000 They would come like a lot.

00:12:53.000 Well, I was living in California at the time, and I just, like, sometimes I forget.

00:12:57.000 Sometimes, you know, sometimes you haven't seen a guy in a while, and you're like, God damn, I forgot how funny Kyle is.

00:13:02.000 Right, right, right.

00:13:03.000 You know, you just, you need to see it.

00:13:04.000 You need to see them live.

00:13:05.000 You do.

00:13:06.000 You need to go out and see it.

00:13:07.000 Yeah.

00:13:07.000 Just get in your head.

00:13:09.000 It's the best thing.

00:13:10.000 I mean, I've been doing it for so long, but I still love it.

00:13:13.000 I love it.

00:13:14.000 I love crowds.

00:13:15.000 I love watching it.

00:13:16.000 I love doing it.

00:13:17.000 I love it.

00:13:17.000 It's so much fun.

00:13:18.000 And what's fun about it, too, is you can't...

00:13:22.000 It's like working out.

00:13:24.000 If you don't do it, you just get flabby and out of shape.

00:13:27.000 Yeah.

00:13:28.000 That's it.

00:13:28.000 No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

00:13:30.000 When I take time off, I go on vacation for like 10 days, I'll have one really good set when I come back because I'm enthusiastic. 0.76

00:13:36.000 And then the second set is like a little fucking shaky. 0.67

00:13:39.000 I'm like, what's going on with this set? 0.97

00:13:40.000 And that's what's great.

00:13:41.000 That's a horror, but that's the best part about it.

00:13:43.000 It's just reality.

00:13:44.000 Everybody that steps away from it too long, they talk in this term where it's like, oh, you got to do it with reality.

00:13:50.000 I'm mediocre when I get on stage.

00:13:52.000 I'm going to be mediocre tonight.

00:13:54.000 Even though I don't want to be.

00:13:56.000 And I'm like, hey, I really figured this out.

00:13:58.000 And guess what?

00:13:58.000 I didn't figure it out.

00:13:59.000 And the crowd just lets you know.

00:14:01.000 That's the beauty.

00:14:01.000 How much time did you take off during COVID? I did a few shows.

00:14:06.000 I mean, I did some shows that were like on...

00:14:08.000 I did remote shows, which I loved remote comedy.

00:14:11.000 Really?

00:14:11.000 I loved it.

00:14:12.000 Like Zoom comedy? 0.97

00:14:13.000 Zoom comedy.

00:14:14.000 You loved it?

00:14:15.000 I loved it.

00:14:15.000 You're the only guy I've talked to.

00:14:17.000 Everybody else said it was hell.

00:14:18.000 Because I just read.

00:14:20.000 They think I'm looking at them.

00:14:22.000 I'm reading my act.

00:14:24.000 So any new material was memorized immediately.

00:14:27.000 Oh! 0.60

00:14:28.000 It's great.

00:14:29.000 Every new joke.

00:14:30.000 Maybe she got a teleprompter. 0.78

00:14:31.000 What's that?

00:14:31.000 Maybe she got a teleprompter.

00:14:32.000 I've tried teleprompters, yeah.

00:14:34.000 Yeah?

00:14:34.000 I wish I could bring them all the time, yeah.

00:14:36.000 You tried it on stage?

00:14:37.000 I love teleprompters. 1.00

00:14:39.000 No shit. 1.00

00:14:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:41.000 No, it's a good way to make sure you remember your shit. 1.00

00:14:43.000 Yes! 1.00

00:14:44.000 Teleprompter's the greatest. 1.00

00:14:45.000 Because the worst feeling is when you get back to the green room and you're like, Fuck! 1.00

00:14:48.000 That tagline! 1.00

00:14:49.000 I forgot the tagline.

00:14:51.000 Yeah, or even the intro line.

00:14:53.000 So you're like, of course it bombed.

00:14:54.000 I didn't even explain what I was going to talk about.

00:14:56.000 Yeah.

00:14:57.000 I love it.

00:14:58.000 Yeah, teleprompter's great.

00:15:00.000 But I've used teleprompters on shows when I did like one-man shows in New York.

00:15:06.000 You can't memorize the teleprompter.

00:15:08.000 You get lazy, mentally lazy.

00:15:10.000 Then you go on the road and you're like...

00:15:12.000 You'd think you'd say it every night.

00:15:15.000 You'd memorize it.

00:15:16.000 You can't.

00:15:16.000 It's an interesting psychological thing.

00:15:18.000 I know some guys who lay out sheets of paper on the floor on the stage with bullet points.

00:15:25.000 I've tried that, yeah.

00:15:27.000 It doesn't really work that well.

00:15:28.000 It's weird.

00:15:29.000 The lights are weird.

00:15:30.000 Yeah, but you can't even see them.

00:15:33.000 Do you go on stage with glasses on?

00:15:35.000 No.

00:15:36.000 That would help.

00:15:37.000 This is one of the first times I've been glasses in public.

00:15:40.000 Really?

00:15:41.000 Well, I wanted people to take me seriously during the interview.

00:15:44.000 It's kind of a vibe.

00:15:46.000 It's a vibe.

00:15:47.000 It's hot on chicks. 1.00

00:15:49.000 Yes, I agree.

00:15:51.000 A girl who doesn't see that good, for whatever reason.

00:15:55.000 For whatever reason.

00:15:56.000 They just seem smarter.

00:15:57.000 Hey, for whatever reason.

00:15:59.000 Yeah, there's something intense.

00:16:00.000 That only became in the 70s.

00:16:01.000 That became like a phase.

00:16:02.000 Really?

00:16:03.000 Suddenly girls with glasses. 1.00

00:16:04.000 Girls with glasses are hotter? 1.00

00:16:05.000 Yeah, they had the whole new glasses.

00:16:07.000 I'll tell you, certain people just look great in sunglasses.

00:16:10.000 The first person I noticed as a kid, one of your idols, Bruce Lee, I go, that guy looks badass in sunglasses.

00:16:15.000 Oh, yeah.

00:16:16.000 And he had like, they weren't completely dark.

00:16:19.000 They were like mixed. 0.99

00:16:19.000 I was like, that looks cool. 0.99

00:16:21.000 Yeah, he was a cool motherfucker. 1.00

00:16:23.000 He was a cool motherfucker. 1.00

00:16:25.000 Yeah, that dude changed the world. 1.00

00:16:27.000 Unbelievable.

00:16:28.000 Nobody thought about doing karate before Bruce Lee.

00:16:31.000 Nobody cared.

00:16:32.000 Well, even when he was on the Green Hornet, I'm old enough, I was there for the Green Hornet days, and you're like, yeah, that's kind of cool, but you didn't think about it.

00:16:38.000 But the minute those movies came out, we all saw them when they first came out.

00:16:42.000 I saw Chinese Connection, it was called Fists of Fury. 0.99

00:16:45.000 They changed the titles now, but it was Chinese Connection, was the first one, then Fists of Fury, and then Enter the Dragon.

00:16:51.000 Yeah.

00:16:51.000 Those are the three big ones.

00:16:52.000 And it was the first time we ever saw somebody with abs.

00:16:55.000 Yeah.

00:16:56.000 Yes!

00:16:57.000 They're like, whoa!

00:16:57.000 Yes!

00:16:58.000 How cool does that look?

00:16:59.000 Yes!

00:17:00.000 How cool does it look to be ripped?

00:17:01.000 Yeah.

00:17:01.000 Look at that.

00:17:02.000 Look at that.

00:17:03.000 Come on.

00:17:03.000 I mean, I hate to say it, but my profile pic when I was 19, I basically have the same physique.

00:17:08.000 I don't care what anyone says.

00:17:09.000 He kind of looks like a twink today, though.

00:17:11.000 Yeah, he does.

00:17:12.000 If you compare them.

00:17:12.000 Well, because nobody lifted weights in those days, you know.

00:17:16.000 But he was the king. 1.00

00:17:18.000 Look at the abs on that motherfucker. 1.00

00:17:19.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:17:20.000 Today he'd be accused of having fake abs.

00:17:23.000 Yeah.

00:17:24.000 Yeah, he's a badass.

00:17:26.000 Bruce Lee gold medal sunglasses.

00:17:27.000 Oh, you can buy them.

00:17:29.000 Oh.

00:17:30.000 Yeah, but I don't think those are the ones I'm thinking about.

00:17:32.000 No?

00:17:33.000 That one in that photo looks pretty fucking cool.

00:17:35.000 No, it wasn't these. 0.72

00:17:35.000 It was some other look where he just was casually wearing sunglasses. 0.72

00:17:38.000 What a cool dude.

00:17:40.000 Yeah, he was a badass.

00:17:41.000 He was a real superstar.

00:17:42.000 He just was a star.

00:17:44.000 Yeah.

00:17:45.000 Yeah, transcended.

00:17:47.000 Yeah.

00:17:48.000 And it also was happening during that weird time, the weird time in life in the 70s.

00:17:53.000 After Vietnam was really winding down, it was almost done.

00:17:57.000 Now we're back to 1968. Yeah, we're right there right now.

00:18:00.000 We're in 1968 right now.

00:18:01.000 We're waiting for Kent State to jump off. 0.99

00:18:02.000 You seen these fucking protests that are happening in colleges? 1.00

00:18:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:05.000 First of all, these kids are all wearing masks. 1.00

00:18:10.000 They're outside, they're protesting, and they're all wearing masks.

00:18:13.000 I say that it's like the Democrats' MAGA hat.

00:18:16.000 That's what the mask is.

00:18:18.000 Isn't it?

00:18:19.000 Nice.

00:18:19.000 You're letting everybody know.

00:18:21.000 You're letting everybody know that you're a part of the Klan. 0.80

00:18:23.000 That you're on the good side.

00:18:25.000 Yeah.

00:18:25.000 I'm masking.

00:18:26.000 I'm masking for your safety.

00:18:28.000 Yeah.

00:18:28.000 They're just bizarre human beings coming out of colleges today.

00:18:32.000 Fully brainwashed. 0.53

00:18:33.000 Yeah.

00:18:33.000 Well, I say it this way.

00:18:36.000 It's...

00:18:37.000 Let's say 20% of them are just...

00:18:42.000 20% of them are...

00:18:44.000 Our kids that were raised to hate the West, everything in the West is bad, they're brainwashed, which is really the whole curriculum is 20% of that, then I'd say...

00:18:58.000 20% are the kids that feel like they want to be like when I was in college.

00:19:11.000 Remember, this is happening during finals week, so 20% are finals protesters.

00:19:16.000 If somebody came up to me when I was in college and said, Next week is finals.

00:19:20.000 You know you're going to fail.

00:19:22.000 How about this?

00:19:23.000 We're going to give you some money from this...

00:19:27.000 George Soros founder is a Venmo thing.

00:19:29.000 We're going to give you money.

00:19:30.000 You stand outside and you block the other...

00:19:33.000 Not only do you not have to take your finals, you're going to block the kids that are going to make you look bad and pass their finals.

00:19:38.000 You're going to block them from coming to class.

00:19:40.000 I would have said, give me the scarf.

00:19:43.000 I'll put it on right now.

00:19:45.000 Then you got 20% kids are going to be, they're like the ones that appear pressured by their roommates.

00:19:51.000 Because if you're roommates with people in college, they know your schedule.

00:19:55.000 So they go, hey, we're going to go protest genocide.

00:19:58.000 You can't say, I was going to go to the bar.

00:20:03.000 So half these kids are like, goddammit, now I gotta go out to the protest or I look bad in front of all my roommates.

00:20:09.000 Have you ever seen, when they get interviewed, Constantine Kissin from Trigonometry?

00:20:13.000 He went to the protest and he was just asking them, like, the river to the sea, what does that mean to you?

00:20:19.000 Like, asking questions?

00:20:20.000 Yeah.

00:20:21.000 What do you think should happen?

00:20:23.000 What do you think the history of Palestine is?

00:20:27.000 Yeah, and now they're literally praying.

00:20:31.000 They're praying to Mecca now.

00:20:33.000 Did you see all the footage of them?

00:20:34.000 They're bowing.

00:20:35.000 It's like, I am objectively going to put a fatwa on my mother.

00:20:38.000 I just want to come out publicly and say it.

00:20:40.000 China, Russia, you guys won.

00:20:43.000 You won.

00:20:44.000 You got our kids.

00:20:45.000 You got the kids.

00:20:46.000 You got a lot of them.

00:20:47.000 You got more of them than you didn't get.

00:20:49.000 No, they don't want them.

00:20:51.000 Listen, China, they're teaching kids computer engineering.

00:20:55.000 Law schools are teaching state-sanctioned violence in Shakespeare sonnets.

00:21:01.000 Guys with fake eyelashes reading to toddlers.

00:21:03.000 Yeah, that's what it is.

00:21:05.000 That's what TikTok is.

00:21:06.000 Our TikTok's a disaster.

00:21:07.000 Yeah, they're smart.

00:21:08.000 I mean, they got us.

00:21:09.000 They got us.

00:21:09.000 They won.

00:21:10.000 They won the ideological battle.

00:21:12.000 They've destroyed our universities.

00:21:13.000 They've destroyed our faith in the system.

00:21:15.000 But they didn't.

00:21:15.000 We did.

00:21:16.000 Yeah, but they did.

00:21:17.000 They infiltrated the universities.

00:21:19.000 It happened way before that, in my opinion.

00:21:21.000 When did it happen?

00:21:22.000 They just went like this.

00:21:23.000 All they had to do was go like this.

00:21:25.000 You ever see Yuri Bezmenov talk about it?

00:21:27.000 He's a defector from the KGB. He talked about it in a famous interview from 1984. We talk about it way too much, so I'm sorry if you're hearing this again, folks.

00:21:35.000 But he basically laid out exactly what was going to happen to America in 1964. And he was saying...

00:21:41.000 64?

00:21:41.000 Yep.

00:21:41.000 Excuse me, 1984. He was saying that Marxism and Leninist ideas have been...

00:21:47.000 They've infiltrated all the universities with these ideas.

00:21:50.000 They're teaching the children. 0.99

00:21:51.000 And you have, like, two generations from now, you're going to be fucked. 0.99

00:21:54.000 Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying. 0.99

00:21:55.000 It started long before any of this China... 0.96

00:21:58.000 He didn't say they did it.

00:22:00.000 He said Russia did it.

00:22:01.000 He said Russia was doing it.

00:22:02.000 They're actively subverting our education system.

00:22:06.000 But I feel like the idea of this kind of thing started long before, you know, before...

00:22:13.000 I mean, it's been around a long time because people are like, hey, it sounds fair.

00:22:16.000 Like, equality sounds fair.

00:22:18.000 Right.

00:22:19.000 So then they slowly started bringing it in and people...

00:22:23.000 The general narrative is, if you say, if I say to you right now, if you say anywhere, I think America's a great country, people go, oh my god, do you hear this psychopath? 1.00

00:22:32.000 What an idiot. 1.00

00:22:33.000 You're a Nazi. 1.00

00:22:33.000 He's the dumbest person I've ever met. 1.00

00:22:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:22:35.000 So I'm saying, if you start from the premise that America is evil, which is basically the premise today, and everything we do is based on oppression and violence, then anybody that goes against that,

00:22:50.000 there's something evil about them.

00:22:52.000 Yes.

00:22:55.000 So I don't think that was Russia and China doing that.

00:22:56.000 I think that was us doing it.

00:22:58.000 I think Russia and China influenced it.

00:23:00.000 Particularly Russia.

00:23:01.000 I think they just agreed. 1.00

00:23:03.000 Well, useful idiots and all that stuff they used to talk about. 1.00

00:23:05.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:05.000 Yeah, but I think they didn't... 1.00

00:23:06.000 I didn't think they had far to go.

00:23:08.000 I don't think you could do it unless people wanted to go along with that.

00:23:12.000 Well, it's also a situation where your universities are almost entirely dedicated towards one ideology.

00:23:18.000 That's right.

00:23:19.000 You don't have any...

00:23:20.000 Look, there's clearly over history, regardless of what you think about right-wing people, clearly over history there have been brilliant conservative people.

00:23:29.000 And to not address that and to not have those people talk and to only allow liberal people to talk or progressive people to talk, you're going to get a distorted worldview.

00:23:38.000 And that's what these kids are getting.

00:23:40.000 Well, I mean, even just the fact that Russia and China didn't force them to stop people from speaking at these places.

00:23:47.000 You know what I mean?

00:23:48.000 That's what's been going on for whatever amount of years.

00:23:50.000 And you're like me.

00:23:52.000 You're not some right-wing guy.

00:23:54.000 You know what I mean?

00:23:55.000 But you've been pushed into a category...

00:23:58.000 That people are saying you're this kind of guy because they're so far to the left and so stringent ideologically that if you fluctuate, you're out of the loop.

00:24:09.000 And that's a cult.

00:24:11.000 It is a cult.

00:24:12.000 But isn't it...

00:24:12.000 I mean, it's one of the beauties...

00:24:15.000 One of the beautiful things about America is the amount of freedom we have of expression.

00:24:18.000 And when you have that, and you have 330 million people, you're gonna have a certain percentage of people that are just off the rails.

00:24:26.000 Insane.

00:24:26.000 And if those people are rabid about it and excited about it, a lot of people find that attractive.

00:24:31.000 Just like a lot of people find Islam attractive. 1.00

00:24:33.000 And they don't just find it attractive because of the discipline and the tenets and all the different things that seem to resonate with some people.

00:24:39.000 They find it attractive because those people are all in.

00:24:42.000 And you want to be in a group that's all in.

00:24:44.000 Like if I leave, they'll kill me. 0.67

00:24:45.000 They'll kill you if you leave, but you can join. 0.98

00:24:47.000 You can join, they'll take you in as a brother.

00:24:49.000 Ooh, I want to join.

00:24:50.000 And then people just, it becomes attractive to them. 1.00

00:24:53.000 Because moderates are considered pussy. 1.00

00:24:55.000 I talk about this all the time. 1.00

00:24:57.000 Moderates are considered, all you can see is a bland guy in Dockers with his goddamn, you know, with his dad bod, and nobody's interested in moderates. 0.98

00:25:07.000 Fence sitters. 0.98

00:25:08.000 Fence sitters.

00:25:09.000 I say, even in Superman, you've got Lois Lane.

00:25:14.000 She sees Clark Kent, nice guy.

00:25:16.000 He's like, hey, Lois, want to have dinner?

00:25:17.000 She's like, yeah, just dinner, Clark.

00:25:19.000 No, all right, I'm sorry. 0.99

00:25:20.000 And then Superman, who shows up two hours a week, who's an extremist, just breaks shit, and she's like, oh, Superman, oh. 0.99

00:25:26.000 Hey? 0.99

00:25:27.000 So I'm saying our whole culture is built around extremists.

00:25:31.000 Right.

00:25:32.000 Like, the hero in the movie walks away after blowing up a hydroelectric...

00:25:36.000 He's never the guy that troubleshoots the hydroelectric dam.

00:25:39.000 That should be the hero in every movie.

00:25:41.000 Imagine being Clark Kent and you got a deal with this lady just constantly talking up Superman. 1.00

00:25:47.000 Ah.

00:25:47.000 And talking down to you.

00:25:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:25:49.000 And you're like, bitch, you don't know shit. 1.00

00:25:51.000 Yes. 1.00

00:25:52.000 And you just got to sit there and take it because you just can't spill the beans. 1.00

00:25:55.000 You want to say, hey, fucking dummy. 1.00

00:25:57.000 You want to just take the glass off. 1.00

00:25:59.000 Well, you stupid. 1.00

00:26:00.000 I'm the same guy, but just wearing glasses. 1.00

00:26:02.000 I tricked you with glasses.

00:26:04.000 I catfished you. 1.00

00:26:05.000 You didn't notice that I built like a fucking linebacker? 1.00

00:26:08.000 You didn't notice that I look like a giant super person? 1.00

00:26:11.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:26:12.000 Oh, I just have glasses on, so now I'm a loser.

00:26:14.000 Well, because she never slept with them. 0.78

00:26:15.000 That's why she didn't notice.

00:26:16.000 Right.

00:26:17.000 Because she was like, Clark, lay off.

00:26:19.000 You'd think Clark would show off every now and then, like pick something up you shouldn't be able to pick up.

00:26:24.000 Yeah, but she didn't.

00:26:25.000 Oh, I didn't know.

00:26:25.000 Clark's an incel.

00:26:26.000 Yeah, he is an incel. 0.73

00:26:28.000 An angry incel.

00:26:29.000 A handsome, angry, football quarterback looking incel.

00:26:33.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:34.000 He's an incel.

00:26:35.000 Just to the glasses!

00:26:36.000 Isn't it funny?

00:26:37.000 Like, that was the only disguise he had was glasses. 1.00

00:26:40.000 It's the dumbest fucking disguise in all of comic books. 1.00

00:26:43.000 At least Batman. 1.00

00:26:44.000 Like, maybe he had a weird face.

00:26:45.000 Like, if he had, like, a cleft palate, you're like, hey, buddy. 0.99

00:26:48.000 I fucking, I know who you are. 0.94

00:26:50.000 But no, you know, you just see the little face part, and the rest of the face is covered, like, okay. 0.99

00:26:56.000 Hides his voice, I'm Batman.

00:26:58.000 Okay, okay, maybe.

00:26:59.000 But Superman? 1.00

00:27:01.000 It's fucking stupid. 1.00

00:27:02.000 It is stupid. 1.00

00:27:04.000 But speaking of Bruce Lee, the Green Hornet had a mask, but then Kato... 0.99

00:27:10.000 Was Bruce Lee. 0.99

00:27:12.000 We didn't realize, by the way, here's a stupid sitcom I'm watching as a little kid. 0.98

00:27:15.000 We didn't realize there's a lifetime legend playing the sidekick. 0.98

00:27:20.000 How many times has that happened in life?

00:27:23.000 But even then, he wore this little chauffeur's outfit, if I remember correctly.

00:27:27.000 Bruce Lee was like the sidekick.

00:27:31.000 Yeah.

00:27:31.000 But even then, you could see a stalker.

00:27:34.000 Like, even as the sidekick, the two scenes, you're like, this guy's a badass.

00:27:38.000 I was like five years old, six years old.

00:27:39.000 I'm like, look at this.

00:27:41.000 You know, he was supposed to be in that TV show Kung Fu.

00:27:44.000 Really?

00:27:45.000 Yeah, it was supposed to be about him.

00:27:46.000 It wasn't supposed to be David Carradine.

00:27:47.000 And why did he say no?

00:27:49.000 They didn't want to have a Chinese guy on TV. That's insane. 1.00

00:27:52.000 Isn't that wild?

00:27:52.000 And they picked David Carradine.

00:27:53.000 Yeah, but it worked.

00:27:55.000 The crazy thing with David Carradine is that it worked.

00:27:57.000 Yeah.

00:27:58.000 It worked.

00:27:58.000 That show worked.

00:27:59.000 I loved that show.

00:28:00.000 I used to love that show.

00:28:02.000 Yeah, it was a great show.

00:28:03.000 Because every episode, there was...

00:28:06.000 Although, let's face it, when you really look at it, it was kind of a woke show.

00:28:10.000 A little bit.

00:28:11.000 Every week, it was intolerance, and then David Carradine would come and save the day.

00:28:16.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:28:16.000 He kicked some ass. 1.00

00:28:17.000 He always had to use violence, though. 1.00

00:28:18.000 But he wasn't that great of a martial arts guy. 0.85

00:28:20.000 Oh, he was terrible. 0.96

00:28:21.000 It was nonsense. 0.98

00:28:22.000 It was totally unbelievable.

00:28:23.000 But the way he was doing it was like, if you didn't know any better, you're like, oh, yeah, he's got magic.

00:28:28.000 But if Bruce Lee had done that, he would have broke, not the internet, but he would have broke TV wide open.

00:28:33.000 Oh, yeah.

00:28:34.000 That would have been the best show of all time.

00:28:36.000 If he started wheel kicking people and jumping side kicking people in the face, he'd be like, whoa.

00:28:40.000 It would have changed everything.

00:28:41.000 But the movies changed everything.

00:28:43.000 I mean, he broke through just because he was undeniable.

00:28:46.000 Oh, yeah.

00:28:47.000 But that was supposed to be him on that television show.

00:28:50.000 I'll tell you, all the karate studios.

00:28:52.000 Jerome Mackie.

00:28:53.000 These were big karate guys back when I was a kid, like karate teachers.

00:28:58.000 He opened thousands of karate studios around the country.

00:29:02.000 Bruce Lee alone.

00:29:03.000 Absolutely.

00:29:04.000 It became a thing.

00:29:06.000 Bruce Lee and then Chuck Norris was how I got into martial arts.

00:29:09.000 Yeah, Chuck Norris fighting him.

00:29:10.000 Jean-Claude Van Damme, watching those movies.

00:29:12.000 How about this name?

00:29:13.000 Bill Wallace, you ever hear of him?

00:29:15.000 Yeah, Superfoot.

00:29:17.000 Yeah, he was a great kickboxer.

00:29:18.000 And there was a guy named Joe Lewis.

00:29:20.000 Yeah, Joe Lewis.

00:29:21.000 Heavyweight champion.

00:29:22.000 Not in boxing, but in kickboxing.

00:29:24.000 That's right.

00:29:24.000 Yeah, white guy.

00:29:25.000 Yeah.

00:29:26.000 Yeah.

00:29:26.000 There was a bunch of...

00:29:27.000 And Jim Kelly was a great fighter.

00:29:28.000 He was in the Bruce Lee movies, too.

00:29:30.000 Did you ever do karate, or did you just follow it?

00:29:32.000 I... I mean, I did a couple of classes, but I was...

00:29:36.000 It's crazy that you know about all those guys like Joe Lewis.

00:29:38.000 How about Benny Urquidez?

00:29:40.000 Benny the Jet?

00:29:41.000 Benny the Jet, of course.

00:29:42.000 Yeah!

00:29:43.000 Well, because I always tell this, but when I was a kid, the trains were so dangerous in New York.

00:29:48.000 Like, I mean, it was...

00:29:49.000 This is nothing now compared to when I was growing up.

00:29:52.000 But what I would do is, instead of taking karate...

00:29:56.000 I used to buy karate magazine and I'd stand on the train with my legs splayed like this and stand and read my karate magazine.

00:30:04.000 Good move.

00:30:05.000 Who's going to read a karate magazine unless it's a karate?

00:30:08.000 Then I ran into Owen.

00:30:10.000 Do you know Owen Smith is a comedian?

00:30:11.000 Yes.

00:30:12.000 From Baltimore.

00:30:13.000 I somehow mentioned that story one night to him and he goes, I took you one better.

00:30:19.000 He goes, I bought a karate trophy and I used to walk around the streets holding my karate trophy.

00:30:29.000 That's hilarious.

00:30:30.000 So while you were studying martial arts, seriously, just remember there was a whole bunch of lazy pricks that bought magazines and trophies just so we were like stolen valor of martial arts.

00:30:40.000 People find a workaround.

00:30:42.000 There's a lot of dudes walked around with kung fu outfits on.

00:30:45.000 Yeah!

00:30:46.000 Yes!

00:30:47.000 With the slippers, the whole black kung fu outfit, the white collar. 0.73

00:30:52.000 Absolutely!

00:30:53.000 To this day, they still do. 1.00

00:30:55.000 And to this day, I'm still like, oh, I don't know how to fuck with that guy. 1.00

00:30:57.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:30:58.000 I used to go watch them practice in the park, and they were faking martial arts.

00:31:03.000 It was made-up stuff.

00:31:04.000 They were doing made-up things.

00:31:05.000 What do you mean?

00:31:06.000 The moves are nonsense.

00:31:08.000 It was made-up.

00:31:09.000 And you knew they were paid off?

00:31:10.000 A hundred percent.

00:31:11.000 Yeah, a hundred percent.

00:31:12.000 They were doing stuff that just, there's no history of this.

00:31:16.000 Like, I don't study kung fu, but I understand it.

00:31:20.000 I know it.

00:31:21.000 I know what it looks like.

00:31:21.000 I've watched it.

00:31:22.000 Thousands of videos on it.

00:31:24.000 I've seen classes.

00:31:25.000 I know what kung fu is.

00:31:27.000 You're not doing kung fu. 1.00

00:31:28.000 You're fucking, you're doing some shit you think looks like kung fu. 1.00

00:31:31.000 And you're telling people that you're a master, and you're practicing in the park, and you've got a bunch of other dumb people that are following you. 1.00

00:31:36.000 And there's a lot of that out there. 0.86

00:31:38.000 Before the UFC came around, there was a lot of fake martial arts.

00:31:42.000 Guys who pretended they had some touch of death.

00:31:44.000 And their students were hypnotized.

00:31:46.000 They were in a cult.

00:31:47.000 They would touch their students.

00:31:49.000 Their students would fall to the ground.

00:31:50.000 They're still out there.

00:31:52.000 Absolutely.

00:31:53.000 There's an Instagram page, McDojo Life.

00:31:56.000 McDojo Life just highlights all these fake martial artists.

00:31:59.000 Because McDojo is like those strip mall places that open up Christ, which some of them are really good.

00:32:05.000 Yeah.

00:32:05.000 It depends on the teacher.

00:32:07.000 But this idea of like a death touch that people had like some secret powers.

00:32:13.000 It's the dream, yeah.

00:32:14.000 Yeah.

00:32:14.000 I told you, I took six judo lessons as a little kid.

00:32:17.000 I should say, before the martial arts craze, and I really wish I would have stuck with judo.

00:32:21.000 But in those days...

00:32:23.000 There was no, like, panic.

00:32:25.000 So you walk out a class with the worst headache of all time.

00:32:29.000 Oh, you're getting brain damage.

00:32:30.000 Yeah, you're getting brain damage.

00:32:31.000 You're getting brain damage in regular judo.

00:32:34.000 100%.

00:32:36.000 Judo's badass, though.

00:32:36.000 You get brain damage.

00:32:37.000 It's amazing.

00:32:38.000 It's amazing martial art.

00:32:39.000 But you get brain damage from Ryan Najetsky.

00:32:42.000 You do?

00:32:43.000 Yeah, my friend Mark Gordon, he specializes in traumatic brain injuries.

00:32:46.000 He's a doctor and he works with a lot of veterans, football players, fighters and stuff.

00:32:51.000 He's like, everything that hits your head is bad.

00:32:53.000 Like soccer.

00:32:54.000 Guys get CTE. Chronic traumatic encephalopathy.

00:32:58.000 The things that boxers get and football players get and MMA fighters get.

00:33:01.000 Soccer players get it from hitting it with their head.

00:33:04.000 But how do you get it from a jet ski?

00:33:06.000 The bouncing.

00:33:08.000 Just the bouncing.

00:33:09.000 Then how come they tell you you're supposed to go on those, uh, gymnastic, uh, whatever that's called.

00:33:13.000 They said it's healthy.

00:33:14.000 Trampolines?

00:33:15.000 Yeah, trampoline. 0.95

00:33:16.000 Yeah, I don't think it's jolting, because that's kind of like catching you and lifting you up and catching you and lifting you up.

00:33:23.000 That's a different thing than boom, boom, boom!

00:33:26.000 It's the heavy-duty shaking, head-banging.

00:33:29.000 Like Angus from ACDC? Gotta have brain damage. 0.77

00:33:32.000 Yes.

00:33:33.000 There's no way he doesn't.

00:33:34.000 Shaking your brain.

00:33:34.000 There's no way he doesn't.

00:33:35.000 That dude has to be...

00:33:38.000 Gone!

00:33:38.000 But who the hell goes on a jet ski more than like once a year?

00:33:41.000 Let's think about that.

00:33:43.000 Some jet ski people that really love them.

00:33:45.000 Jet skis are fun.

00:33:46.000 Yeah, I have a jet ski.

00:33:46.000 I love it.

00:33:47.000 It's fun.

00:33:48.000 But if you bounce around on waves, you're getting brain damage.

00:33:50.000 That's how delicate the brain is.

00:33:53.000 The brain is not meant to be jostled around.

00:33:55.000 And guys get concussions from getting hit in the chest.

00:33:58.000 If you get hit in the chest, your head snaps back and you get a concussion.

00:34:02.000 It happens all the time.

00:34:04.000 You don't have to get hit in the head to get a concussion.

00:34:08.000 Well, yeah.

00:34:09.000 Yeah, but that's why it's a good thing I stopped judo because every day you'd have a horrible headache.

00:34:14.000 I was a little kid.

00:34:15.000 Also, these guys crashed.

00:34:16.000 Oh, my God.

00:34:18.000 Well, that's different.

00:34:19.000 That's ski jumping.

00:34:20.000 I know, but this is what the article on skiing was bringing up.

00:34:23.000 Oh, my God.

00:34:23.000 That's insane.

00:34:24.000 That dude hit hard.

00:34:25.000 How hard they hit. 0.96

00:34:26.000 Oh, must be nuts.

00:34:29.000 So this is a water skiing tournament?

00:34:31.000 Is that what that is?

00:34:31.000 That's what that was, yeah.

00:34:32.000 This is like an article about water skiers getting CTE. Oh, yeah.

00:34:36.000 Have to.

00:34:37.000 No doubt.

00:34:37.000 No doubt they have it.

00:34:38.000 No doubt.

00:34:39.000 I bet dolphins have CTE. I bet they don't.

00:34:42.000 I bet they glide right into that water column. 0.92

00:34:44.000 Everybody always says how smart they are.

00:34:45.000 I'm like, yeah, they seem really intelligent sometimes.

00:34:48.000 You're dismissing the intelligence of dolphins?

00:34:50.000 Yeah, when anybody bounces a beach ball on their nose, and that's there.

00:34:53.000 They're the valedictorian of the animal kingdom.

00:34:55.000 That's enough for me.

00:34:56.000 I think you have to do that if you're trapped in that swimming pool if you want to get fed.

00:34:59.000 I think you'd put that beach ball on your nose, too.

00:35:02.000 That's the problem.

00:35:03.000 The problem is we're so evil, we'll take intelligent things and lock them in a swimming pool if we can't understand their language.

00:35:08.000 Like, what?

00:35:09.000 What?

00:35:10.000 I don't know what you're saying.

00:35:11.000 Do you want a fish or not? 1.00

00:35:15.000 Here's the ball, motherfucker. 1.00

00:35:18.000 That's what it is. 1.00

00:35:19.000 Out in the wild, though, they're awesome.

00:35:21.000 They play with you.

00:35:22.000 They come hang out.

00:35:23.000 They go by your boat.

00:35:24.000 They jump and they literally want you to see them.

00:35:28.000 They play with people.

00:35:29.000 You can swim with them.

00:35:30.000 They'll save you from sharks.

00:35:32.000 Oh, I've seen that.

00:35:33.000 They'll fight the sharks off.

00:35:34.000 I saw a video.

00:35:35.000 They save people from sharks.

00:35:36.000 It's pretty cool.

00:35:36.000 All the time.

00:35:37.000 They have a cerebral cortex that's 40% larger than a human being.

00:35:41.000 What?

00:35:42.000 Yeah, 40%.

00:35:45.000 They have dialects.

00:35:46.000 They have different dialects.

00:35:47.000 You talk like you're from New York.

00:35:49.000 I have a little bit of Boston, a little bit of California. 1.00

00:35:52.000 They're all fucked up. 0.99

00:35:53.000 They can tell from dolphins, listening to their vocal patterns, where they're from. 1.00

00:35:59.000 Now, wait a minute.

00:36:00.000 But they can't decipher it yet, but they're hoping they can do that through AI. First of all, if you don't have a routine about dolphins' accents, you're crazy. 0.86

00:36:08.000 I'll steal it if you don't do it.

00:36:10.000 I had a bit about dolphins, about taking a true story accent.

00:36:13.000 It's a true story.

00:36:14.000 I got on very high edibles with my daughter when we went fishing, and these dolphins came by the boats, and they were jumping up in the air, and then I had this crazy thought that what if the concept of me, like we think,

00:36:29.000 when you think of yourself as, you know, when you refer to yourself me, you're thinking of yourself living in this world With these genes and this city and this street, but the thought of me, like, what if me to me is the same as me to a dolphin?

00:36:44.000 And then I thought, like, what if that's the same with all human beings?

00:36:47.000 Everybody's just experiencing life through different biological circumstances, different life experiences, but what if me is the same in every single human being, just dealing with different problems?

00:37:00.000 No, what does that mean?

00:37:01.000 I don't even understand what you're saying.

00:37:02.000 What I'm saying is that when you think of yourself, when you think Colin Quinn, like when you think like, oh, I'm looking at the world, this is me.

00:37:09.000 Right.

00:37:10.000 That energy of what me is, this is how high I was.

00:37:13.000 I was on like 200 milligrams of pot edible on a boat in the middle of the ocean in Hawaii.

00:37:19.000 Just amazing experience.

00:37:20.000 Yeah.

00:37:20.000 But I was thinking, when the dolphins would jump up, they would look at you.

00:37:24.000 They'd look you in the eye, and you'd see that they're intelligent.

00:37:27.000 And I was thinking, what if I lived his life, I would be him.

00:37:32.000 And what if he lived my life, he would be me.

00:37:34.000 And what I think of as me is just me stumbling into a bunch of experiences with very particular genetics, Particular life lessons that I'm carrying around, and I think that's me.

00:37:46.000 But if the energy of me, the very core of it, is exactly the same in everybody.

00:37:51.000 We're just experiencing life through different circumstances, but it's the same thing.

00:37:55.000 That's God.

00:37:56.000 Yeah.

00:37:57.000 What about when I was thinking about the whole martial arts thing, too, was when you think about dolphins fighting sharks or saving people from sharks, that's almost a martial art, too.

00:38:11.000 Oh, yeah.

00:38:11.000 Well, did you ever see what killer whales do to sharks?

00:38:13.000 No.

00:38:13.000 Ooh!

00:38:14.000 There's this video of this mother killer whale.

00:38:16.000 But they're big.

00:38:16.000 It doesn't count.

00:38:17.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:38:17.000 They fuck everybody up. 0.99

00:38:18.000 There's this video of this. 0.98

00:38:19.000 By the way, they save people, too.

00:38:21.000 And the only time they've ever killed people is in swimming pools.

00:38:24.000 They save people all the time.

00:38:25.000 Killer whales save people that fall in the water.

00:38:27.000 They save them.

00:38:27.000 They eat everything.

00:38:28.000 They kill dolphins.

00:38:29.000 They kill whales.

00:38:30.000 They kill everybody, but they don't kill people.

00:38:32.000 We kill them, but they don't kill us.

00:38:35.000 It's the only time they've ever killed people on record. 1.00

00:38:37.000 I mean, there's probably been a few circumstances where people were cunts. 0.97

00:38:40.000 Yeah, got what was coming to them. 1.00

00:38:43.000 Yeah, some asshole tried to harpoon their sister or something. 0.99

00:38:45.000 I'm sure that happened, but the point is that killer whales don't actively target people when it would be really fucking easy to do. 1.00

00:38:54.000 So check this, this killer whale fucks this shark up. 0.98

00:38:56.000 So she's out there with her, look at this, BOOM! Wow! 0.92

00:39:01.000 She's out there with her cubs, and she just puts the fucking clamp down on this great white. 1.00

00:39:06.000 It's pretty wild. 0.99

00:39:08.000 But it also makes you realize how big killer sharks are.

00:39:11.000 Or killer whales, rather.

00:39:12.000 Killer whales, yeah.

00:39:13.000 Look at that.

00:39:13.000 Boom!

00:39:15.000 Yeah.

00:39:16.000 I mean...

00:39:17.000 I just saw something the other day of a killer whale around a boat.

00:39:20.000 Some little boat.

00:39:21.000 And it was just...

00:39:23.000 You can tell the guy's like, oh god, it's over for me.

00:39:25.000 And then the whale didn't bother him, like you said. 0.99

00:39:28.000 They generally don't fuck with you. 0.99

00:39:30.000 And I think you can kind of talk to them. 0.99

00:39:33.000 I think they understand.

00:39:35.000 If you're like, hey!

00:39:37.000 You're cool.

00:39:38.000 If you're polishing up a big metal spear with a rope on the end of it, then they might get a little angry. 0.99

00:39:44.000 They'll probably fuck you up. 0.98

00:39:47.000 I bet if there have been people dying, because- is this the guy? 1.00

00:39:51.000 Look at that little boat.

00:39:53.000 Oh, he got bumped.

00:40:01.000 You guys getting this?

00:40:03.000 Yes.

00:40:04.000 Let's get out of here.

00:40:06.000 By the way, but that was a gentle bump.

00:40:08.000 That was nothing.

00:40:09.000 No, this was something else.

00:40:10.000 But how about that?

00:40:11.000 Is that not the battle cry of today?

00:40:13.000 You guys getting this?

00:40:14.000 Yes, it is!

00:40:16.000 That's the most important thing anyone can say.

00:40:18.000 The gram.

00:40:18.000 We gotta get it on the gram.

00:40:20.000 You guys getting this?

00:40:21.000 Do you even have Instagram?

00:40:22.000 Yeah.

00:40:23.000 You do?

00:40:23.000 Sure.

00:40:24.000 Do you make reels?

00:40:25.000 Do you ever make reels positive?

00:40:26.000 Hey guys, you can really do it.

00:40:27.000 Push through it.

00:40:28.000 Well, ironically, as you know, I've been doing that for years.

00:40:33.000 I'm kind of a soccer mom on social media just to infuriate people.

00:40:37.000 That's my whole game.

00:40:40.000 But I do, you know, I've been doing this series called Block by Block on YouTube, which is with this guy, a homeless pimp, you know him, Mike Lavin.

00:40:49.000 I didn't know you were doing this.

00:40:50.000 Yeah, I know.

00:40:51.000 I have a bunch of episodes where I interview you.

00:40:53.000 It's my little, you know, like the thing I care the most about doing it, which is...

00:40:59.000 I interview people from different neighborhoods in New York that I know over the years and then just get them to tell stories about their neighborhoods.

00:41:07.000 So I was talking to my friend from Hell's Kitchen, Mike Spillane.

00:41:09.000 So this is it?

00:41:10.000 I didn't even know this was out there.

00:41:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:41:13.000 This is my Steve Kelly.

00:41:14.000 One problem with really great comics, and I include you in there, is that you guys are terrible at promoting things.

00:41:19.000 Yeah.

00:41:22.000 I know.

00:41:22.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:41:23.000 Yeah.

00:41:23.000 But it's also why the stuff you put out is so great because you're only thinking about the stuff.

00:41:28.000 You're not thinking about promoting the stuff, which is a totally different animal.

00:41:32.000 And we wouldn't know where...

00:41:33.000 We would only come here.

00:41:34.000 Where else would we go?

00:41:35.000 We don't know.

00:41:36.000 Well, doing it yourself, like doing your own promotion or like letting people, you know, like getting...

00:41:40.000 But I... So I interviewed this one guy, Mike Spillane from Hell's Kitchen, and they're...

00:41:46.000 Famous family over there.

00:41:47.000 He's telling all the stories of the old.

00:41:48.000 But one of the stories which you will like was him and my friend Robert who died and his cousin.

00:41:53.000 They were in a bar.

00:41:55.000 It's like 1980s.

00:41:57.000 And Midtown.

00:41:58.000 So Hell's Kitchen is connected to the theater and all the Madison Square Garden.

00:42:03.000 So they're in a bar.

00:42:04.000 Some guy starts with Mike Spillane.

00:42:06.000 He hits him.

00:42:07.000 The guy's friend grabs him around his neck.

00:42:09.000 It's Andre the Giant.

00:42:10.000 Oh, my God.

00:42:11.000 They're in a fight with Andre the Giant.

00:42:13.000 Oh, my God. 0.99

00:42:14.000 And he picks him up and flings him, and it's like a whole famous story of them fighting and getting their ass kicked by Andre the Giant. 0.98

00:42:20.000 Oh, my God. 0.88

00:42:20.000 And then the cops come and grab them outside and arrest them. 0.88

00:42:23.000 And the cop walks in, finds out what happened, sees Andre, and just walks out and laughs and goes, let him go.

00:42:27.000 Don't worry about it.

00:42:30.000 So, like, just finding different stories of different neighborhoods.

00:42:33.000 That's my little thing for, you know.

00:42:35.000 That's back in the day before Instagram, where people were in snitches.

00:42:38.000 Exactly right.

00:42:39.000 So, that's all.

00:42:40.000 I'm just talking to these people and finding out all the great stories.

00:42:42.000 If that happened today, Andre would be all over the news.

00:42:45.000 People would be angry at him.

00:42:46.000 Oh, my God.

00:42:47.000 Everybody would have an opinion on all of it.

00:42:48.000 Oh, yeah.

00:42:49.000 And when this guy was telling the story, I go, so people must have been buying you drinks for months.

00:42:54.000 He goes, at Hell's Kitchen that time, two weeks, and then there was some new story happening.

00:42:58.000 Yeah.

00:42:59.000 Because that wasn't even the story of the month.

00:43:01.000 What a great name for a neighborhood.

00:43:03.000 Hell's Kitchen, yeah.

00:43:04.000 What a great name.

00:43:05.000 Oh, yeah.

00:43:05.000 I mean, you kind of have to act crazy if you're there.

00:43:08.000 And they did, yeah.

00:43:09.000 If you're going to move to Hell's Kitchen, that's a very specific mindset.

00:43:13.000 Well, now, of course, it's different, but it was the most...

00:43:16.000 Just imagine a neighborhood in the middle of Times Square, when Times Square was taxi driver, so they had to deal with all of that.

00:43:24.000 The theaters, so all the stagehands were there.

00:43:27.000 All the Teamsters were there. 0.87

00:43:29.000 It was a combination of everything, all the music studios, Lincoln Center on one side, and in the middle is all these crazy Irish guys and Puerto Ricans. 1.00

00:43:38.000 Yeah.

00:43:40.000 And so much music and so much stuff came out of that area.

00:43:43.000 It's crazy.

00:43:45.000 It really is, when you really think about it.

00:43:47.000 It's a really wild, wild...

00:43:48.000 The center of the universe, they used to call it.

00:43:51.000 And for how long?

00:43:51.000 Like 20 years?

00:43:53.000 Uh, like 50, 60. 50, 60?

00:43:55.000 Yeah.

00:43:55.000 Really?

00:43:56.000 It was that hot for that many years?

00:43:59.000 Well, hot in what way?

00:44:01.000 I mean, it's Times Square.

00:44:01.000 The interesting aspect of it.

00:44:03.000 The interesting aspect, I bet, was 40, 50 years.

00:44:06.000 I would say from 1950 to 2000. What killed it?

00:44:11.000 Giuliani?

00:44:12.000 No, it just became...

00:44:13.000 Well, it became Times Square.

00:44:15.000 You're talking about Times Square?

00:44:16.000 Times Square became gentrified.

00:44:17.000 Giuliani, yeah, gentrified it.

00:44:19.000 And people started to...

00:44:20.000 Corporatize is a better word, right?

00:44:21.000 Feel safe.

00:44:22.000 Yeah.

00:44:23.000 It's like it became Applebee's.

00:44:24.000 But it did.

00:44:25.000 It's disappointing, but at the same time, it was Sodom and Gomorrah.

00:44:28.000 It was very bad.

00:44:29.000 It was very bad when I first went there.

00:44:31.000 I was living in Boston.

00:44:32.000 I came to New York for a karate tournament, ironically, in like 82, 83, I think.

00:44:39.000 So I was in high school, so probably 83. And I was like, this is nuts.

00:44:43.000 Like, this place is fucking nuts. 1.00

00:44:45.000 It was nuts. 1.00

00:44:46.000 It was nuts. 1.00

00:44:47.000 It was like all peep shows and pimps and hookers. 1.00

00:44:51.000 Yes. 0.98

00:44:51.000 And just, it looked black and white. 0.98

00:44:53.000 Like, even though it was like in color, like everything looked black and white.

00:44:58.000 It looked dirty and seedy and there was just junkies on the street.

00:45:03.000 Yep.

00:45:03.000 And people with like long coats and people yelling at people.

00:45:07.000 Yep. 0.85

00:45:07.000 And you're like, yo, this place is nuts. 0.85

00:45:09.000 Times Square was a place that everybody avoided.

00:45:11.000 That's right.

00:45:12.000 Somehow or another, Times Square became a tourist trap.

00:45:15.000 Well, because of Giuliani.

00:45:16.000 Giuliani cleaned up the peep show.

00:45:17.000 There was a law, I guess, where you couldn't have...

00:45:20.000 You had to have like 30% legitimate in your peep show.

00:45:24.000 There was some law that happened where they got rid of all the peep shows.

00:45:26.000 30% legitimate?

00:45:27.000 What does that mean?

00:45:28.000 30% like a regular store.

00:45:31.000 Like, you couldn't just have all porn.

00:45:33.000 Some obscure lore.

00:45:34.000 I don't know what it was.

00:45:34.000 Sells Joey DeRosa sandwiches.

00:45:36.000 But that's big of what they did do.

00:45:38.000 They had to have a legitimate thing and then the porn in the back or something. 0.99

00:45:41.000 Oh, God.

00:45:42.000 And that was in the mid-90s, and then it got cleaned.

00:45:44.000 Well, they used to have the XXX movie theaters.

00:45:47.000 That's right.

00:45:48.000 You want to talk about the lowest class of human being that you could possibly encounter in public?

00:45:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:45:53.000 Guys going to jerk off in a room with other guys jerking off, watching a movie. 1.00

00:45:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:00.000 Of course. 0.99

00:46:01.000 The most degenerate humans available. 0.97

00:46:04.000 And it was in Times Square, too. 0.93

00:46:06.000 It was all over the place.

00:46:08.000 No, no.

00:46:08.000 The whole country had those.

00:46:10.000 Oh, yeah.

00:46:10.000 Every city had...

00:46:11.000 Times Square just had 50 of them.

00:46:13.000 Well, the craziest story...

00:46:14.000 Everybody else had one.

00:46:15.000 The craziest story is Deep Throat.

00:46:17.000 Because Deep Throat, they were trying to turn it into...

00:46:19.000 So the country was so naive back then.

00:46:22.000 And porn...

00:46:23.000 You didn't have VCRs, so you didn't... 0.97

00:46:26.000 The idea of a porn addiction seemed ridiculous to people.

00:46:29.000 So what they did with Deep Throat is they made a cinematic movie that was a porn film, and all these stars went to go see it.

00:46:37.000 Like Johnny Carson was there, in line, they were interviewing them, where they're going to see a porn film.

00:46:43.000 Yeah.

00:46:44.000 That's only like 1970-something.

00:46:46.000 72 or something like that.

00:46:48.000 And couples would go all over the country and go to these sleazy theaters and watch Deep Throat.

00:46:55.000 Wild.

00:46:56.000 They weren't even sleazy theaters.

00:46:58.000 These were regular theaters that show Deep Throat.

00:47:00.000 Yeah.

00:47:01.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:47:02.000 People are so...

00:47:03.000 That's so interesting. 0.84

00:47:05.000 You think about how much porn...

00:47:07.000 Like right now, porn is what percentage of the internet, Jamie?

00:47:10.000 Is it 30-something percent?

00:47:12.000 Yeah...

00:47:13.000 It's like 30-something percent of all internet traffic, all of it, all of the world, is porn.

00:47:18.000 That's crazy.

00:47:19.000 It didn't even exist before Deep Throat.

00:47:22.000 No.

00:47:22.000 You had stag films that you would hear about.

00:47:25.000 Yeah, my brother-in-law, he was getting married.

00:47:28.000 Yes!

00:47:28.000 Went to the stag party and they showed a movie.

00:47:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:47:32.000 Grainy movie of this sad heroin addict fucking these guys. 1.00

00:47:36.000 That's right. 1.00

00:47:38.000 That was gross.

00:47:39.000 Who ever thought that would be on your phone? 0.60

00:47:41.000 The Mafia.

00:47:42.000 I know.

00:47:43.000 Exactly.

00:47:44.000 But it's so funny because I remember Deep Throat was the big breakthrough.

00:47:48.000 First it was the devil and Miss Jones. 0.99

00:47:50.000 I was like 11 or 12. And I remember we laughed.

00:47:52.000 We didn't know what we were laughing at.

00:47:54.000 And then next thing you know we're like 19, 18, 19. We're going up Times Square point.

00:47:59.000 And, you know, we're right there.

00:48:01.000 You just take the train, you're right there.

00:48:02.000 And, but it was so psychotic that, and I actually knew, I knew a girl that ended up going into, like, working in those Times Square booths. 0.75

00:48:12.000 And I'm sure a lot of people did, but it was really crazy to me that she was doing that, you know?

00:48:16.000 Wow.

00:48:16.000 That is crazy.

00:48:17.000 That's a commitment.

00:48:19.000 Yeah.

00:48:19.000 I mean, there's still boots and guys...

00:48:22.000 Get out of that lifestyle.

00:48:23.000 Oof.

00:48:23.000 There's a judge in New York made it a $3 million fine for showing Deep Throat in a theater.

00:48:29.000 Wow!

00:48:29.000 It still exists.

00:48:30.000 It's never been overturned, apparently.

00:48:32.000 Wow!

00:48:33.000 Whenever this article was written.

00:48:34.000 Well, this is in 93, but...

00:48:35.000 Wow!

00:48:36.000 Wow!

00:48:38.000 Movies and television have completely changed our outlook on the human form.

00:48:42.000 So he was 71 at the time when he was talking about this.

00:48:48.000 And so this is on the eve of his retirement in 91. So he's probably in his 50s when that happened.

00:48:53.000 So he'd grown his whole life, been a grown adult, and never had any interaction with porn.

00:48:58.000 And then he sees people going to see it in a theater. 0.99

00:49:01.000 He's probably like, what the fuck is going on? 0.99

00:49:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:49:04.000 This is crazy. 1.00

00:49:05.000 You guys are watching people suck dicks. 1.00

00:49:07.000 With your friends. 1.00

00:49:08.000 Yeah.

00:49:08.000 Like, this is weird.

00:49:09.000 Yeah.

00:49:10.000 Yeah.

00:49:10.000 It was totally legitimate for a couple of years.

00:49:13.000 I don't know when it turned, but I remember when I went to college, they showed Deep Throat or one of these, Debbie Dubs Dallas, one of these porn movies in, like, the Student Union.

00:49:23.000 What?

00:49:23.000 And guys and girls all went to see it.

00:49:25.000 No way.

00:49:26.000 Yeah.

00:49:26.000 It was totally, you know what I mean?

00:49:28.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:49:30.000 And there were a couple of girls that were like, this is anti-women. 1.00

00:49:32.000 And we're like, oh, relax.

00:49:33.000 Why are you making a big deal?

00:49:34.000 Like, we're like, oh, we're crazy.

00:49:36.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:49:38.000 It's crazy.

00:49:39.000 And people just go.

00:49:41.000 They showed it like a whole week.

00:49:42.000 I'll tell you another one.

00:49:43.000 What?

00:49:44.000 A week?

00:49:45.000 Yeah, like every night because so many people want to go see.

00:49:47.000 I'll tell you another one.

00:49:49.000 One of the guest speakers talking about college gigs, Harry Reams.

00:49:54.000 Was one of the guest speakers. 0.98

00:49:56.000 The porn star. 1.00

00:49:57.000 Porn star. 0.99

00:49:58.000 Famous, like, 1980s porn star. 0.98

00:50:00.000 70s, yeah. 0.51

00:50:01.000 70s?

00:50:01.000 Yeah, the big mustache.

00:50:02.000 70s mustache.

00:50:03.000 Did he grow on to be, like, a giant real estate guy?

00:50:06.000 Maybe, but...

00:50:06.000 Killed it in real estate.

00:50:07.000 I'd like to talk to him someday because this girl I knew, I still remember her name, but I'll leave it out, and she drove him.

00:50:14.000 She goes, yeah, I drove him back to the train station, and I was like, you don't need to drive him to the train station.

00:50:21.000 You can walk there.

00:50:22.000 She drove and I want to know what happened.

00:50:24.000 I want the full story after that.

00:50:25.000 She's not going to give it to you.

00:50:26.000 She lied to me. 0.99

00:50:26.000 She goes, nothing happened. 0.99

00:50:27.000 She got turned on. 1.00

00:50:29.000 She got turned on by seeing that guy's dick. 1.00

00:50:32.000 She got turned on and decided to speak to her. 1.00

00:50:34.000 Also, it wasn't forbidden back then.

00:50:37.000 This is so hard for people to imagine.

00:50:39.000 Because today, if you're watching porn on your phone and someone catches you, you've got deep shame.

00:50:45.000 Yes. 0.98

00:50:46.000 Oh, you caught me watching porn. 0.93

00:50:47.000 Right. 0.95

00:50:47.000 Porn is a thing that people are ashamed that they consume. 0.95

00:50:51.000 But back then, that was not the case.

00:50:53.000 It was innocent.

00:50:54.000 In the weirdest sense.

00:50:56.000 Yes, it was.

00:50:56.000 People just didn't get it.

00:50:57.000 They didn't get it.

00:50:59.000 No.

00:50:59.000 Like, when I was a kid, VCRs were invented.

00:51:02.000 And one of the first things when they invented VCRs is they start making dirty movies and putting them on VCRs.

00:51:08.000 That's right.

00:51:08.000 And the porn industry just explodes.

00:51:10.000 That's right.

00:51:11.000 It's all from people watching at home. 0.99

00:51:12.000 And you'd have to go through these fucking saloon doors, remember? 0.99

00:51:16.000 Or you'd push the beads aside. 0.99

00:51:17.000 Yes!

00:51:18.000 There was always something you had to do.

00:51:19.000 Yes.

00:51:19.000 You couldn't just go to the porn section.

00:51:21.000 You had to let everybody know, hey, you fucking pervert, make some noise, rattle those beads. 1.00

00:51:27.000 That's right. 1.00

00:51:27.000 And then you'd walk in there and no one was looking at anybody. 1.00

00:51:30.000 Everybody was like- That's right.

00:51:31.000 Everyone was embarrassed that they're in there with other people.

00:51:33.000 Maybe your neighbors.

00:51:34.000 That's right. 0.99

00:51:35.000 See, Bob's over there looking at the fucking hardcore section. 0.99

00:51:38.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:51:39.000 Right.

00:51:39.000 That's what it was.

00:51:40.000 People were like, I'll be in the porn, but that section is for perverts. 0.99

00:51:45.000 That was the thing.

00:51:46.000 Yeah, and it became a thing where people weren't embarrassed by it.

00:51:52.000 It was weird.

00:51:53.000 And then slowly over time, it became embarrassing.

00:51:56.000 I think when it became an addiction thing, I think clearly when the internet came around and people had instantaneous access to it.

00:52:05.000 Well, it's funny because as much as sex became more like... 0.99

00:52:10.000 I remember in comedy, we all had bits on jerking off to porn. 0.99

00:52:14.000 In the 80s. 1.00

00:52:15.000 Right.

00:52:15.000 It was a new thing.

00:52:17.000 Which is hard to imagine for people to do.

00:52:19.000 Nobody gave a damn.

00:52:20.000 I mean, is that weird? 0.97

00:52:21.000 We all just talked about, hey, you ever seen porn?

00:52:24.000 Because it was new, like you said.

00:52:25.000 And then suddenly people stopped talking about that.

00:52:29.000 Because it was shameful.

00:52:30.000 I don't know what the...

00:52:31.000 I guess it was...

00:52:32.000 It's the addiction.

00:52:33.000 Yeah, I guess so.

00:52:34.000 When you're ashamed of something, you shouldn't be doing that something.

00:52:37.000 Almost always.

00:52:37.000 Right.

00:52:38.000 But you have to lie about the thing you're...

00:52:39.000 Right.

00:52:40.000 You know, like I had a friend and he was always trying to lose weight.

00:52:44.000 And one time we said, hey, meet us at this bar.

00:52:47.000 It's Ralphie Mae, I'll just say it.

00:52:49.000 Yeah.

00:52:49.000 Because he's not with us anymore.

00:52:50.000 I love Ralphie.

00:52:51.000 Great guy.

00:52:52.000 He was awesome.

00:52:53.000 Great, great guy. 0.99

00:52:53.000 And Ralphie was like, it was like an hour and a half later, like, where the fuck is Ralphie? 0.99

00:52:57.000 Like, when's he coming here? 0.97

00:52:58.000 And then finally he pulls up and the back of his car was just filled with fast food stuff.

00:53:05.000 Yeah.

00:53:07.000 And he had like some story about why he couldn't make it.

00:53:09.000 He went to a drive-thru.

00:53:11.000 He had to.

00:53:11.000 He went to a drive-thru and he bought bags of food and he just stuffed himself.

00:53:16.000 Yeah.

00:53:16.000 And he probably felt shitty about it and didn't want to talk about it.

00:53:19.000 Sure.

00:53:20.000 That's addiction.

00:53:21.000 That's addiction.

00:53:22.000 Absolutely.

00:53:22.000 If you're watching porn on your phone all the time, you're like, do you watch porn on your phone?

00:53:26.000 Like, no, I don't watch that.

00:53:28.000 Right.

00:53:28.000 It's because you're addicted.

00:53:29.000 Right.

00:53:29.000 You're ashamed.

00:53:30.000 Sure.

00:53:30.000 You're ashamed.

00:53:31.000 But like you said, 30% is crazy. 0.98

00:53:34.000 Crazy.

00:53:34.000 Is that what the number is?

00:53:35.000 Do we find out what the amount of traffic?

00:53:37.000 About 30%.

00:53:37.000 I'm looking to like the golden age of porn at an 84, it says.

00:53:40.000 The golden age.

00:53:42.000 That's what this thing called.

00:53:42.000 And I'll tell you why.

00:53:43.000 AIDS. Well, this VCR is also, so it stopped being...

00:53:47.000 You didn't have to go to the movie theater to see it.

00:53:48.000 You could watch it at home.

00:53:49.000 Well, that was a great...

00:53:51.000 Oh, 84 is when the VCR came out?

00:53:53.000 Mm-hmm.

00:53:54.000 Wow!

00:53:55.000 So that makes sense, because I was in high school.

00:53:58.000 That makes sense.

00:53:59.000 There was a great scene in Boogie Nights when Burt Reynolds is so disgusted that he has to do amateur porn, remember?

00:54:07.000 Like he used to be a filmmaker.

00:54:09.000 Oh, right.

00:54:09.000 And then suddenly they're in the limo and he's going, okay, do that.

00:54:12.000 And then remember he was so horrified by it all.

00:54:16.000 I forgot.

00:54:17.000 I forgot that movie.

00:54:18.000 That was a great movie.

00:54:19.000 Great movie.

00:54:20.000 And they said Burt Reynolds, you know, the Director and all these people said Burt Reynolds was so horrible.

00:54:27.000 He was so brilliant in it.

00:54:28.000 He didn't want to be in it from day one.

00:54:30.000 He hated everything about it.

00:54:31.000 Really?

00:54:32.000 And to his dying day, he hated it.

00:54:35.000 He fired his agent.

00:54:37.000 He hated it and he was so brilliant in it.

00:54:39.000 Well, Burt Reynolds, I'm a huge Burt Reynolds fan.

00:54:42.000 No, the greatest.

00:54:42.000 I love that guy.

00:54:43.000 He was so fun.

00:54:44.000 He made me believe that like a handsome man could be funny.

00:54:48.000 Yeah.

00:54:48.000 I never thought handsome people were funny.

00:54:50.000 Like, the handsome guy was never cool.

00:54:51.000 The handsome guy was like cool but silent, like maybe he wins a street fight.

00:54:56.000 He saw it.

00:54:56.000 Rob Reynolds was like always smiling.

00:54:58.000 It's like, I want to hang out with that guy.

00:55:00.000 He was a party.

00:55:01.000 He'd go on The Tonight Show with that big laugh.

00:55:03.000 Yeah.

00:55:03.000 I remember he had that giant laugh.

00:55:05.000 He was the first guy that I ever really saw that was like a really handsome man that was hilarious.

00:55:10.000 And he was best friends with Dom DeLuise.

00:55:12.000 Yes!

00:55:13.000 And they'd be on...

00:55:14.000 He was incredible.

00:55:14.000 Yeah.

00:55:15.000 Well, how about when he did Jackie Gleason?

00:55:17.000 Jackie Gleason and him with Smokey and the Bandit?

00:55:20.000 What a combination!

00:55:22.000 Jackie Gleason and Burt Reynolds?

00:55:24.000 Wait, Jackie Gleason in that movie, and I'll tell you who else, because I remember when I saw Caddyshack for the first time, and I was like a young kid, and I'm like, oh, Caddyshack, my heroes are in it.

00:55:35.000 Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, all these cool guys, even Rodney.

00:55:37.000 And I go, and then they got this guy from a sitcom, Ted Knight, and then he steals the movie.

00:55:42.000 And the same thing happened with Jackie Gleason and Smokey the Bandit.

00:55:45.000 These guys stole.

00:55:47.000 They were so good.

00:55:48.000 It's unbelievable. 1.00

00:55:49.000 Jackie Gleason was the fucking man. 1.00

00:55:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:51.000 Jackie Gleason was the man. 1.00

00:55:53.000 It was unbelievable.

00:55:53.000 He did serious acting, too.

00:55:55.000 He was in The Hustler.

00:55:56.000 Oh, yeah.

00:55:56.000 He was amazing.

00:55:56.000 He was great in The Hustler.

00:55:57.000 Did you ever hear they said some reviewers, some famous, back when reviewers were famous, goes, I just, it was Laurence Olivier and him did a movie together.

00:56:04.000 He goes, I just watched a movie with the greatest living actor and Laurence Olivier.

00:56:10.000 Yeah.

00:56:10.000 Jack Eagly's just so good.

00:56:13.000 He was awesome.

00:56:14.000 Best pool player to ever be a movie star.

00:56:16.000 By far.

00:56:17.000 Yeah.

00:56:18.000 He was like a real good pool player.

00:56:19.000 Like a professional level pool player.

00:56:21.000 Oh yeah.

00:56:22.000 Yeah.

00:56:23.000 You could see even the way he played.

00:56:24.000 Yeah, in The Hustler.

00:56:25.000 He was making his own shots.

00:56:27.000 When Paul Newman would make his shots, he'd be like, this is not real.

00:56:30.000 This is nonsense.

00:56:31.000 But when Jackie Gleason did it, there's a fluidity to the way he moves around.

00:56:35.000 But now, why would you remake The Hustler?

00:56:38.000 Look, we all love Martin Scorsese.

00:56:39.000 What do you mean?

00:56:40.000 He did do it.

00:56:41.000 No, The Color of Money was a separate book.

00:56:43.000 Well, it was a sequel, but even so.

00:56:44.000 But it was the same author.

00:56:46.000 It left a bad taste in my mouth.

00:56:47.000 Really?

00:56:48.000 Yeah.

00:56:48.000 Oh, it's a great movie, too.

00:56:50.000 It's a great movie, too.

00:56:51.000 Very accurate, too.

00:56:52.000 He did the...

00:56:52.000 Remember he did the flipping the pool cue?

00:56:55.000 Mm-hmm.

00:56:56.000 That's a little nonsense.

00:56:57.000 People don't do that.

00:56:58.000 Especially not with the Balabushka. 0.97

00:57:00.000 But what he was doing in the movie, like, portraying how people hustle and move around, that was all real.

00:57:05.000 And it's by the same guy who also wrote The Queen's Gambit.

00:57:08.000 Do you ever see that show on Netflix?

00:57:10.000 Yeah, it's a great show.

00:57:11.000 Amazing show.

00:57:12.000 About that girl who's a wizard chess player?

00:57:14.000 Yeah.

00:57:15.000 Yeah.

00:57:15.000 Well, that's the same guy.

00:57:17.000 Walter Tevis, right?

00:57:18.000 Yeah.

00:57:18.000 Is that his name?

00:57:19.000 Yeah, he wrote The Hustler.

00:57:21.000 How, like, compelling is her face and her energy?

00:57:26.000 Oh, yeah.

00:57:27.000 You buy it.

00:57:27.000 All in.

00:57:28.000 Whatever.

00:57:28.000 You just buy it.

00:57:29.000 Yeah, you buy all of it.

00:57:30.000 Yeah.

00:57:31.000 You're really there with her.

00:57:32.000 She was awesome.

00:57:33.000 She's really good.

00:57:34.000 Yeah.

00:57:35.000 What was her name?

00:57:36.000 Anna Joy...

00:57:36.000 What is her name?

00:57:38.000 I'll never know.

00:57:39.000 Anna Taylor.

00:57:40.000 Anna Taylor Joy.

00:57:41.000 Beautiful girl.

00:57:41.000 I like the fact that at least he bothered...

00:57:43.000 That's one thing about Tom Cruise.

00:57:44.000 He doesn't play games.

00:57:45.000 He's in the color of money.

00:57:46.000 He learns to do, like, nunchucks.

00:57:48.000 By the way, nunchucks were big when I was a kid.

00:57:51.000 Oh, yeah.

00:57:51.000 Nunchucks just came out.

00:57:52.000 Oh, yeah.

00:57:53.000 When I was a kid.

00:57:54.000 And people would have nunchucks.

00:57:55.000 Everybody would walk around with a black eye.

00:57:56.000 Because...

00:57:57.000 Nobody knew how to use them.

00:57:58.000 You just saw it in the movie.

00:57:59.000 There was no YouTube tutorials.

00:58:01.000 And even the teachers, the martial arts teachers didn't know what they were.

00:58:04.000 Yeah.

00:58:05.000 So everybody had a black eye for like a long time.

00:58:07.000 Yeah, I banged myself in the back of the head multiple times.

00:58:09.000 Yeah, you did. 0.70

00:58:10.000 Back of my head.

00:58:11.000 Crack.

00:58:12.000 Now when you did this karate tournament in the 80s in New York, are you guys striking each other?

00:58:18.000 Yeah.

00:58:18.000 Wow.

00:58:18.000 And it's full contact?

00:58:20.000 Yeah, well the karate tournament that I went to in New York was what was called a point tournament.

00:58:24.000 Point tournaments were different than Taekwondo tournaments in that there wasn't continuous action.

00:58:29.000 You'd hit the person and they would stop and call a point.

00:58:32.000 So it's almost like this really high level game of tag.

00:58:35.000 Right.

00:58:35.000 Which wasn't really the thing that I did.

00:58:37.000 I did Taekwondo tournaments primarily, which were like continuous action, and you would win by knockout a lot of times.

00:58:43.000 Wow!

00:58:43.000 And so you're basically just trying to kick this other dude in the face or in the chest as hard as possible and stop his body from working right.

00:58:51.000 That was my objective.

00:58:53.000 It was like the Kumite.

00:58:54.000 It was like that a little bit, but in Taekwondo tournaments you couldn't punch to the face.

00:58:59.000 You could only kick to the face and kick to the body.

00:59:01.000 And then I would transition from that into kickboxing.

00:59:04.000 But it was like when I went to New York City, we were trying to do anything.

00:59:09.000 We would try anything.

00:59:10.000 There wasn't that many tournaments.

00:59:12.000 So if there was no Taekwondo tournaments, we would enter into karate tournaments.

00:59:16.000 I fought like probably.

00:59:19.000 I probably fought a hundred times.

00:59:22.000 Wow.

00:59:22.000 Yeah.

00:59:23.000 If I counted all the tournaments, because oftentimes you'd fight three or four times in a day.

00:59:29.000 No kidding.

00:59:30.000 Yeah, and my last kickboxing fight was the third fight of the day.

00:59:34.000 I had three fights in one day.

00:59:35.000 I won the first two fights and I lost the last one.

00:59:37.000 Wow.

00:59:38.000 In a day.

00:59:38.000 That's crazy.

00:59:39.000 Can you imagine?

00:59:40.000 Yeah.

00:59:40.000 It's good to be a kid, huh?

00:59:41.000 It was good to be stupid. 1.00

00:59:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:59:44.000 If I had a kid today, I'd say, hey, you're not fighting again. 1.00

00:59:48.000 You just get hit in the head over two fucking rounds. 0.99

00:59:49.000 And did you come home covered in bruises all the time and stuff? 1.00

00:59:52.000 No.

00:59:52.000 Yeah, well, I always came home from training and bruises.

00:59:55.000 Yeah, and from fighting, yeah, you get fucked up. 1.00

00:59:57.000 That's great. 1.00

00:59:58.000 I always had black eyes.

00:59:59.000 I broke my nose.

01:00:01.000 I don't know.

01:00:02.000 Probably 20 times.

01:00:04.000 That's wild.

01:00:04.000 I had to get it fixed.

01:00:05.000 Wow.

01:00:06.000 I had to get the inside of it all cleaned up and it all calcified like a wrestler's ear.

01:00:10.000 Wow.

01:00:11.000 You know wrestlers get calcium?

01:00:12.000 Yeah, of course.

01:00:13.000 You get smashed in the nose enough, what happens is the inside of your nose, all that tissue swells up and bleeds, and then it gets broken, and your septum gets twisted and blocks off, and then you get like calcium deposits inside your nose.

01:00:27.000 Sure.

01:00:27.000 Just like you get in your ears.

01:00:28.000 Like a cave.

01:00:29.000 Like rocks.

01:00:31.000 Yeah.

01:00:31.000 Well, it was horrible.

01:00:32.000 I couldn't breathe at all.

01:00:33.000 I had a very nasal voice for a long time until I got it fixed.

01:00:37.000 I was like 40 when I got it fixed.

01:00:39.000 Wow.

01:00:40.000 Yeah, because I kept breaking it.

01:00:41.000 Because I was like, I'm just going to keep breaking it.

01:00:43.000 It's like, what am I going to do?

01:00:44.000 I broke it like three times when I was on news radio.

01:00:47.000 You did?

01:00:48.000 Yeah, I was always breaking it.

01:00:50.000 Sparring or just rolling.

01:00:52.000 You accidentally get a knee to your face and then your nose is bleeding.

01:00:55.000 You're like, well, I broke it again.

01:00:57.000 And we were working out with like Benny the Jet and those guys in the valley.

01:00:59.000 I actually started it at the Jet Center when I first moved to Hollywood.

01:01:02.000 That was the first place I went to.

01:01:03.000 That's great.

01:01:04.000 It was like just two places I wanted to go to when I went to Hollywood.

01:01:06.000 I wanted to go to the Comedy Store and I wanted to go to the Jet Center in Van Nuys.

01:01:10.000 I found out about it.

01:01:11.000 I was like, it's the Jett Center.

01:01:12.000 I can't believe it's real.

01:01:13.000 And when I was there, Blinky Rodriguez, who was Benny's brother-in-law, amazing fighter too, a great, great kickboxer, he had lost, I believe, a family member to gang violence.

01:01:27.000 I don't want to say exactly who it was because I'm not sure if I remember, but I want to say a son to gang violence.

01:01:32.000 And then, if it's not that, I apologize.

01:01:35.000 So he offered free classes to gang members.

01:01:40.000 So he wanted to teach these gang members discipline, give them a sense of community, and give them structure.

01:01:49.000 Give them something.

01:01:51.000 So I was taking kickboxing classes with gangbangers.

01:01:54.000 So I'd moved from New York and I came to LA. I didn't have any friends.

01:01:58.000 And here I am in my Volkswagen Corrado pulling up to the Jet Center in Van Nuys and I'm taking kickboxing classes with gangbangers. 0.98

01:02:08.000 Like this guy had this fucking tattoo on his back, this homemade tattoo of the name of his gang. 0.97

01:02:13.000 It was like, Platos. 1.00

01:02:14.000 And then underneath it, it said, fuck the rest. 1.00

01:02:16.000 I was like, oh boy. 1.00

01:02:19.000 This is 1994. This dude's back has his gang and then fucked the rest. 0.99

01:02:24.000 I was like, yo, what am I doing? 0.99

01:02:27.000 So I had to spar with these guys.

01:02:28.000 So I was sparring with these gangbangers.

01:02:32.000 And they didn't know what they were doing, like a lot of them.

01:02:36.000 But I wouldn't hurt them.

01:02:38.000 I'm like, I'm not going to hurt this guy.

01:02:41.000 I'm just going to touch him a little bit. 0.98

01:02:43.000 I'm just going to put a foot in his face. 0.98

01:02:47.000 I'm not going to hurt him. 0.97

01:02:48.000 I do not want to get shot in the parking lot.

01:02:51.000 I do not want to get stabbed.

01:02:52.000 You cannot humiliate one of these guys.

01:02:54.000 So you just move around, be defensive with eight swing punches, just work on blocks, work on moving, footwork, touch him a little bit, but there's no going after him.

01:03:04.000 It was scary! 0.99

01:03:05.000 It was fucking scary! 1.00

01:03:06.000 These guys were murderers! 1.00

01:03:07.000 Yeah, Van Nuys was a rough area by the 90s.

01:03:10.000 Oh, it was super rough.

01:03:11.000 It was super rough.

01:03:13.000 But a lot of great kickboxers were there, too.

01:03:16.000 It was also like Pete Sugarfoot Cunningham was there, and Blinky was there teaching classes, which to me was like as a kid who grew up watching him on TV, to be in their gym. 0.98

01:03:26.000 I was like, holy shit, this is crazy. 0.53

01:03:29.000 But then, unfortunately, the earthquake fucked up the roof, and when it rained, when the rainy season came, the whole building got destroyed. 0.99

01:03:38.000 The roof was all fucked up from the earthquake. 0.76

01:03:39.000 Oh, you were there after the earthquake? 1.00

01:03:40.000 I was there right after the earthquake, and then the rain came after that, and their building was fucked. 0.78

01:03:46.000 So we eventually opened up a place in North Hollywood, and I went there for a while, but it was just Benny, and it was a smaller place. 0.68

01:03:52.000 I was in LA during the earthquake, during that 94 earthquake.

01:03:56.000 And I was staying in this like temporary housing place.

01:04:01.000 It was across from Northridge, but it was like in Westwood district.

01:04:07.000 And I wake up and I go, oh my god, I'm dreaming that my bed is flying across this entire room.

01:04:14.000 My bed flew across the room.

01:04:16.000 And it was scary, man.

01:04:18.000 I mean, my bed was fine, but buildings were collapsed all around me.

01:04:22.000 People were in the street at 5 a.m.

01:04:24.000 in their underwear.

01:04:24.000 The whole city.

01:04:25.000 The whole neighborhood, I mean.

01:04:27.000 I was only in a small earthquake.

01:04:28.000 I was in a 5.5.

01:04:30.000 And I was in my apartment in North Hollywood.

01:04:33.000 And it was like I was in a washing machine box or a refrigerator box where it just had no stability.

01:04:39.000 I was like, what?

01:04:41.000 I thought an earthquake would be like, everything's shaking.

01:04:45.000 Everything moved.

01:04:46.000 Everything moved.

01:04:47.000 It just moved side to side. 1.00

01:04:48.000 And I remember thinking, oh, shit. 1.00

01:04:51.000 Shit! 1.00

01:04:52.000 It's like having vertigo. 1.00

01:04:53.000 But I was just thinking, this is a baby one?

01:04:56.000 This is like a five?

01:04:58.000 Yeah.

01:04:58.000 So a seven is how many times greater than this?

01:05:01.000 Holy shit! 1.00

01:05:02.000 Yeah, it fucked up Northridge and Van Nuys got fucked. 1.00

01:05:06.000 That was more than any place. 0.99

01:05:07.000 Another reason why I'm glad I got out of LA in time.

01:05:09.000 I'm like, it's coming. 0.99

01:05:11.000 If you guys think you got it bad now, all the shit in the streets and all the tents, wait till an earthquake hits that mess. 0.99

01:05:19.000 Well, about two weeks ago, I was in New York, and I go, oh, what the hell was that? 0.99

01:05:25.000 Oh, yeah.

01:05:26.000 And it was an earthquake.

01:05:27.000 Yeah, earthquake in New York, which is crazy.

01:05:29.000 It was crazy.

01:05:30.000 That's so unusual.

01:05:31.000 Yeah, I never even heard about it.

01:05:33.000 So this earthquake in Van Nuys, I guess it fucked up the roof of that building, and it condemned a lot of buildings.

01:05:40.000 It destroyed that whole area.

01:05:42.000 Northbridge is right next to Van Nuys.

01:05:44.000 Yeah, the place flooded.

01:05:46.000 There's a photo of me, Jamie.

01:05:48.000 There it is.

01:05:48.000 There's a photo of me, like a black and white photo of me from a long time ago throwing punches, and it was taken at the jet center.

01:05:58.000 The original Jet Center?

01:05:59.000 Yeah.

01:06:00.000 It was like 1994. There's like this photo of me.

01:06:05.000 I went ripped.

01:06:06.000 I was young and healthy back then.

01:06:08.000 Great, right?

01:06:09.000 Yeah.

01:06:10.000 Back in the old days.

01:06:11.000 I had most of my hair.

01:06:13.000 It's crazy, right?

01:06:15.000 Yeah.

01:06:15.000 That's it.

01:06:16.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:06:17.000 That's me at the Jet Center in 1994. Shit. 1.00

01:06:22.000 You're like Sean Connery. 1.00

01:06:25.000 I don't know what's going on with my lips, but I was in the middle of throwing punches.

01:06:29.000 And you used to go there all the time, huh?

01:06:30.000 Yeah.

01:06:31.000 Yeah, and they had a photographer there one day.

01:06:32.000 And when did you pass at the comedy store?

01:06:35.000 94. You passed right away?

01:06:37.000 No, like six months.

01:06:39.000 Mitzi?

01:06:39.000 Yeah, Mitzi gave me six months.

01:06:41.000 She didn't like that I was already on a TV show.

01:06:43.000 Oh, you were already on the show?

01:06:44.000 Yeah, I was already on news radio.

01:06:46.000 She didn't like that.

01:06:46.000 Oh, that's why you went out to L.A.? Yeah, I went out to L.A. just for news radio.

01:06:50.000 I had no interest in acting.

01:06:54.000 Right, right. 0.98

01:06:54.000 I was purely being a prostitute. 0.98

01:06:57.000 I was just willing to go on. 0.97

01:06:58.000 But what a great first thing to be on.

01:07:00.000 Yeah, all I cared about was stand-up.

01:07:02.000 I just wanted to do stand-up.

01:07:02.000 Right.

01:07:04.000 And then I was like, okay, maybe this is my career now.

01:07:06.000 Okay, maybe I'm acting now.

01:07:08.000 And then all of a sudden I'm doing this stuff.

01:07:09.000 And I was like, this is weird.

01:07:11.000 I had no acting classes before I was on TV. You didn't?

01:07:14.000 No, nothing.

01:07:16.000 When I got a development deal with Disney, they made me get an acting coach.

01:07:21.000 Yeah.

01:07:21.000 So I did a couple of one-on-ones with this lady and I didn't like it.

01:07:25.000 There was a lot of weird ego stuff going on.

01:07:29.000 She also wanted to be my mom in the show. 0.99

01:07:31.000 There was a lot of weird stuff.

01:07:32.000 Oh yeah, of course.

01:07:34.000 But that world was not interesting in that world.

01:07:39.000 And I was like, this is not...

01:07:41.000 I'm just going to do my best.

01:07:43.000 I'm just going to do it the way I would do it, which is pretend.

01:07:46.000 Pretend this is actually happening. 0.99

01:07:47.000 Pretend I'm this dumb guy. 0.99

01:07:49.000 Pretend this is actually happening. 0.98

01:07:51.000 But I didn't know what I was doing.

01:07:53.000 Like, I didn't know where upstage was.

01:07:54.000 I was on television.

01:07:55.000 They're like, Joe, could you move like six inches upstage?

01:07:58.000 I'm like, which way's that?

01:08:00.000 Like, which way's upstage?

01:08:01.000 Like, it's flat.

01:08:02.000 And I didn't know that old stages used to be slanted, and upstage meant you moved backwards, which is kind of crazy.

01:08:09.000 Instead of saying, would you step back, move upstage.

01:08:12.000 Like, everybody's using these old-timey terms for a slanted stage so that the whole audience who's seated there could see everything, because they did it in front of a live crowd.

01:08:21.000 But that must have been fun doing it in front of a live crowd.

01:08:24.000 It was fun.

01:08:24.000 It was fun when you got good lines, but you didn't really get to control.

01:08:28.000 Like, the first show that I did was terrible.

01:08:29.000 It was called Hardball.

01:08:31.000 That's what I came out to LA for.

01:08:32.000 I think I remember this.

01:08:33.000 It was a baseball show.

01:08:34.000 So that got canceled, and then I got lucky that I had a development deal with NBC right after that, and I was going to do my own show, but they said, hey, we got a part on this show that we're already going to do, and we're going to recast it.

01:08:50.000 And so it was originally Ray Romano.

01:08:52.000 I know.

01:08:52.000 Yeah, so Ray got fired.

01:08:54.000 Yes.

01:08:54.000 And then they replaced it with a guy, and that guy got fired, and they replaced it with me.

01:08:57.000 Oh, they replaced it with a guy.

01:08:58.000 Which made me feel better.

01:08:59.000 Because at least I didn't take the job from Ray.

01:09:02.000 I took a job from some guy.

01:09:05.000 Even if you did, Ray obviously stunk, and he just got what he deserved.

01:09:08.000 Well, it was the best thing that happened to him, because then he went and does everything that loves Raymond.

01:09:13.000 But I love Ray, and so it was weird.

01:09:16.000 It was weird, but it was okay, because the other guy got the job first. 0.96

01:09:19.000 And then all of a sudden, I'm on this fucking show with Phil Hartman and Andy Dick and Dave Foley. 0.97

01:09:25.000 I'm like, this is crazy. 0.99

01:09:26.000 I've been acting for all of four months, ever.

01:09:30.000 I did one terrible TV show.

01:09:33.000 Two acting classes.

01:09:35.000 And how long were you doing stand-up at that time?

01:09:37.000 Six years.

01:09:38.000 Ah, so that was good.

01:09:39.000 Yeah.

01:09:40.000 In the game.

01:09:40.000 I was in the game, but I wasn't that good yet.

01:09:42.000 No, and like you said, you work with Phil Hartman.

01:09:44.000 I mean, Phil Hartman's one of the legends of all time.

01:09:47.000 He was a sweetheart, too.

01:09:48.000 What a great guy.

01:09:49.000 He was a great guy.

01:09:50.000 A genuinely interesting, weird guy.

01:09:53.000 I don't know anybody like him.

01:09:55.000 I mean, he did the...

01:09:57.000 He did the Crosby Stills Nash album art.

01:10:01.000 He's an artist.

01:10:02.000 We have one of his albums out here.

01:10:04.000 Isn't it crazy that he was an artist?

01:10:06.000 Yeah.

01:10:07.000 Oh, he's a brilliant artist.

01:10:08.000 He was also a pilot.

01:10:09.000 When I bought my house in the valley, he took me to these areas when his plane took me over to show me areas where he could move to.

01:10:18.000 Wow.

01:10:18.000 He was living in Encino, and I think I was still in Encino at the time, too, and I had had a stalker.

01:10:24.000 And so I realized, I'm like, I gotta get a little further out.

01:10:28.000 You know, it's just too, people knowing where you live thing is just too weird.

01:10:32.000 I gotta go to a place that's more secure.

01:10:34.000 And so then when I moved out to the valley, Phil took me out there on his plane to show me areas.

01:10:39.000 When you're flying over these places, you see all these trees and the hills and the mountains.

01:10:43.000 I was like, oh, this is beautiful.

01:10:45.000 I'm gonna live here and just drive in.

01:10:46.000 That's way better.

01:10:47.000 That's great.

01:10:48.000 Yeah.

01:10:48.000 And you guys were in Burbank?

01:10:50.000 We did it in a bunch of different places.

01:10:52.000 We did it at CVS Radford for a while.

01:10:54.000 That's the best location.

01:10:55.000 Sunset Gower.

01:10:56.000 We did it for the most, I think.

01:10:57.000 I love it there.

01:10:58.000 Yeah, Radford's great.

01:11:00.000 Great lot.

01:11:01.000 Jerry's Deli and everything's right nearby.

01:11:03.000 Jerry's Deli's gone.

01:11:04.000 It is?

01:11:05.000 I think it is.

01:11:06.000 All of them are gone, huh?

01:11:06.000 I think it is.

01:11:07.000 I know the one in the valley in Woodland Hills is gone.

01:11:10.000 That was a bummer, man.

01:11:12.000 That was fun.

01:11:13.000 Oh, that place was so good.

01:11:14.000 In the 90s, I was just talking about L.A. in the 90s, how you could drive around to Jeff.

01:11:21.000 Traffic was nothing.

01:11:22.000 Now you can't move.

01:11:24.000 Yeah.

01:11:27.000 Overpopulation in cities makes it way more tense.

01:11:29.000 Yeah.

01:11:30.000 People are way more tense now than they were in the 90s.

01:11:33.000 It was a way more relaxed city. 1.00

01:11:35.000 That's hard to believe because everybody in their head is like, LA's like, beep, beep, fuck you. 1.00

01:11:40.000 Everybody's doing coke and on their way to a business meeting. 1.00

01:11:42.000 Right.

01:11:43.000 Back then it was like, you could get to work in a half an hour.

01:11:46.000 It wasn't that big a deal. 1.00

01:11:48.000 Now it's a fucking... 0.99

01:11:49.000 Where I used to live in the valley, if I wanted to go to the comedy store, the comedy store is 22 miles from my house. 0.99

01:11:56.000 It would take me...

01:11:57.000 22-ish, I'm guessing.

01:11:59.000 But it would take me...

01:12:03.000 Hour, ten minutes?

01:12:04.000 Hour and ten minutes at, you know, at seven o'clock.

01:12:08.000 Now, if I try to leave at five, it's two hours.

01:12:10.000 I need two hours. 0.99

01:12:11.000 If I have a meeting in Hollywood at five, I have to leave my house by three or I'm fucked. 0.99

01:12:17.000 That's crazy! 0.99

01:12:18.000 That's two hours to go 22 miles!

01:12:21.000 And that's normal.

01:12:22.000 And that ain't even Long Island.

01:12:23.000 How about people making it into the city in the daytime?

01:12:26.000 You ever get stuck in that mess? 0.99

01:12:28.000 People coming from the island and going across the fucking bridge? 1.00

01:12:31.000 Oh, Jesus Christ! 1.00

01:12:33.000 Crazy. 0.95

01:12:34.000 You just want to jump off the bridge.

01:12:35.000 Yeah.

01:12:36.000 And guys do it every day just so they can have a lawn.

01:12:38.000 Every day.

01:12:39.000 Every day.

01:12:39.000 Just so they can have a lawn.

01:12:41.000 Yeah.

01:12:41.000 Just exhausted.

01:12:42.000 Well, it's also taxes all over, I'm sure.

01:12:44.000 Taxes, but also, you want a backyard.

01:12:46.000 I want a backyard. 0.99

01:12:47.000 And when Saturday comes along, I want to sit with a cup of coffee on my fucking porch and see a deer, maybe. 0.99

01:12:52.000 That's right. 0.99

01:12:53.000 You know? 0.99

01:12:53.000 Let me fucking relax a little bit. 0.99

01:12:56.000 Relax. 1.00

01:12:56.000 Do I really have to be a part of that fucking concrete horse shit? 1.00

01:12:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:12:59.000 Because there's something about living in the concrete horseshit that some people love. 1.00

01:13:04.000 I love it.

01:13:04.000 They love it.

01:13:05.000 I love it.

01:13:06.000 Yeah.

01:13:06.000 You love the energy, right?

01:13:08.000 Yeah.

01:13:09.000 Just the whole people around you.

01:13:10.000 Everything's happening.

01:13:11.000 I like to...

01:13:12.000 Yeah.

01:13:12.000 I'm just so used to it.

01:13:13.000 It's my whole...

01:13:14.000 Yeah.

01:13:14.000 You know what I mean?

01:13:15.000 But I liked L.A. When I lived in L.A., I loved L.A. But I lived all over L.A., but...

01:13:19.000 And I like driving, but that's the thing.

01:13:21.000 In LA, you just have to be in love with your car.

01:13:24.000 If you love your car, you love LA. If you don't love your car, you don't love LA. That's a good point.

01:13:28.000 That's a good point. 0.99

01:13:29.000 And in LA, the problem, though, if you're fucking around with, like, a Tesla with 30% power, you got 30% battery left, and it's 3pm, like, oh, buddy, you might be fucked. 0.99

01:13:43.000 You might be, like, really fucked. 0.99

01:13:46.000 Like, you might be- your car might die on this road. 1.00

01:13:49.000 You're fucked. 1.00

01:13:51.000 Yeah, you're fucked. 1.00

01:13:52.000 You gotta drive two hours? 1.00

01:13:53.000 You gotta drive to San Diego?

01:13:55.000 What?

01:13:55.000 Yeah.

01:13:56.000 You can't drive to San Diego.

01:13:56.000 No.

01:13:58.000 You're not going to make it.

01:13:59.000 It's going to be five hours.

01:14:00.000 They say all the people that commute to LA now, they don't just carpool, they apartment pool.

01:14:05.000 So they don't go home.

01:14:06.000 They go to work Monday, they stay until Friday, and then they go home.

01:14:10.000 That is so insane.

01:14:12.000 That's so insane.

01:14:12.000 They have to rent an apartment together.

01:14:14.000 I have to stop saying nice things about Austin.

01:14:18.000 Stop saying nice things about it.

01:14:19.000 Yeah, there's too many construction cranes.

01:14:21.000 Oh, I know.

01:14:22.000 It's great.

01:14:23.000 It's not just me, obviously.

01:14:24.000 I just saw it the other day.

01:14:25.000 But there's so many companies moved here.

01:14:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:27.000 There's just so much shit going on here. 1.00

01:14:29.000 So I don't want this to become like that. 0.99

01:14:31.000 Yeah.

01:14:33.000 I think there's something about Texas, though, that rebels.

01:14:36.000 That will always rebel. 0.98

01:14:37.000 And they realize how bad people fucked it up in California. 0.98

01:14:40.000 And hopefully the people that moved here realize how bad they fucked it up. 0.83

01:14:44.000 They've always had one foot out of the country, Texas. 0.95

01:14:47.000 Let's face it.

01:14:47.000 They came in...

01:14:49.000 Came in real late.

01:14:50.000 Reluctantly.

01:14:51.000 And they've been here reluctantly.

01:14:53.000 They got one foot out.

01:14:54.000 They're like, we don't need...

01:14:56.000 We'll leave.

01:14:59.000 Well, when you know about the history of this country, this land, this area, I mean, this is a brutal, brutal place.

01:15:06.000 Yeah.

01:15:06.000 You ever read The Empire of the Summer Moon?

01:15:08.000 No.

01:15:09.000 Oh my God, I get it to you.

01:15:10.000 You gotta read it.

01:15:11.000 It's incredible.

01:15:12.000 It's the history of this place.

01:15:13.000 It's the Comanche Indians and the history of the Texas Rangers.

01:15:16.000 The Comanches, yeah.

01:15:17.000 I like that.

01:15:18.000 The madness.

01:15:21.000 Yeah.

01:15:22.000 I mean, clearly, what the colonizers did, what the people moved here, what they did was horrible.

01:15:28.000 No one has ever denied that.

01:15:29.000 But if you don't know what the Comanches were doing to other Indians, if you don't know what these raiding parties would do... 0.88

01:15:38.000 Of course! 1.00

01:15:39.000 They did some of the wildest shit. 1.00

01:15:42.000 They would start a bonfire and right before they threw the guy on the bonfire, they would hold him out by his arms and legs, hack off his arms and his legs while he's still alive and throw him on the fire to watch him squirm like a worm. 1.00

01:15:58.000 Unbelievable.

01:15:59.000 They would feed people their friends.

01:16:01.000 They would cut people to pieces in front of you.

01:16:04.000 No one surrendered, ever.

01:16:07.000 You always fought to the death. 0.93

01:16:09.000 Because if you were captured, you are 100% gonna get tortured and killed. 0.72

01:16:13.000 Tortured, yeah. 1.00

01:16:13.000 Tortured and killed. 1.00

01:16:15.000 For fun.

01:16:17.000 There was no prisoners of war.

01:16:18.000 There was no honor. 1.00

01:16:19.000 There was none of this European bullshit. 1.00

01:16:21.000 They were doing it old school. 1.00

01:16:25.000 Old school.

01:16:26.000 And that was the entire country, except for the agriculture.

01:16:29.000 There's a lot of people that accepted agriculture in the southeast, and they were calmer and not war-bearing, and they weren't even riding horses a lot.

01:16:39.000 The Comanches were the horse-bearing ones. 1.00

01:16:41.000 They were the best with horses.

01:16:42.000 And they were the most fierce, and they only ate meat, so they could go for days without food, unlike some of the settlers, some of the people that were trying to make it across, and some of the people that they fought.

01:16:53.000 What about, I've been reading this book, speaking of cruelty, Jerusalem. 0.99

01:16:57.000 It's about the history of Jerusalem.

01:16:58.000 So the early sieges and the same torture techniques, but you know who gave it to me?

01:17:04.000 This guy, do you know Kevin Fitzgerald?

01:17:06.000 Yes.

01:17:07.000 Comedian, but he's a bodyguard for the Rolling Stones?

01:17:09.000 Yeah.

01:17:10.000 I just worked with him last week, and he was just, you know, he was telling me the stone stories.

01:17:17.000 He was bodyguard for 20 years for the Stones.

01:17:19.000 He tells the greatest, because he's a very intelligent guy, but he was a boxer, then became a bodyguard for the Stones, and then moved on and started doing stand-up.

01:17:29.000 He's also got doctorates in veterinary medicine.

01:17:33.000 But he started telling me, do you ever hear this one about Mick Jagger, about the people in wheelchairs?

01:17:39.000 Because, you know, you just feel like, oh, Keith was a cool guy, Mick was a...

01:17:42.000 Mick Jagger, every day, every show for 20 years, would take this guy, Kevin, put on a hoodie so nobody could recognize him, go up...

01:17:52.000 Because in those days, they put the wheelchairs in a...

01:17:54.000 If you were in a wheelchair, they wouldn't let you be with your friends. 1.00

01:17:56.000 They'd put you in a separate wheelchair section in the balcony.

01:18:00.000 Everybody in a wheelchair had to go. 1.00

01:18:01.000 Mick Jagger would go up with 8-tracks t-shirts, hand them out, never told the press, never made sure nobody knew about it except this bodyguard, and talk to all the people in wheelchairs and give them t-shirts and give them 8-tracks for 20 years.

01:18:15.000 Wow.

01:18:15.000 Isn't that cool?

01:18:16.000 That's wild.

01:18:17.000 But this guy tells a million stories.

01:18:19.000 You know, he's been bonding over 20 years.

01:18:21.000 Wow.

01:18:21.000 He's got great stories.

01:18:23.000 That's cool.

01:18:24.000 How do we get to him?

01:18:25.000 What were we just talking about?

01:18:27.000 Jerusalem and the Comanches and the torture techniques.

01:18:31.000 So this book on Jerusalem, like what...

01:18:34.000 I've thought about...

01:18:35.000 What is the name of it?

01:18:36.000 Jerusalem History or something.

01:18:39.000 I've thought about reading about it and I get anxiety.

01:18:41.000 The book?

01:18:42.000 Not that particular book, but about Israel and Palestine.

01:18:47.000 But this book goes back to the beginning.

01:18:48.000 This book is really...

01:18:50.000 I've only read the first couple of...

01:18:53.000 It's amazing.

01:18:54.000 Is it this book?

01:18:55.000 That's the one.

01:18:57.000 It's crazy!

01:18:58.000 It's a crazy place.

01:19:00.000 It's wild.

01:19:01.000 And it starts out, you're like, oh my god, it started on the most bloody...

01:19:05.000 But somehow, everybody knew it was significant even then.

01:19:08.000 Like, it was never this place that people weren't like...

01:19:11.000 They were always like, no, this is the place.

01:19:13.000 What do you think about that?

01:19:14.000 Do you think...

01:19:15.000 Does that make any sense?

01:19:17.000 What?

01:19:17.000 Is there a place that's more holy than other places?

01:19:23.000 You mean like Sedona?

01:19:24.000 Yeah, like Sedona's a good one.

01:19:27.000 That's a good one for hippies, right? 0.99

01:19:28.000 For hippies, believe Sedona's like a sacred place.

01:19:31.000 Yeah.

01:19:32.000 Well, I always feel like this.

01:19:33.000 Well, even when I was just at the gig, I was at the gig with Kevin Fitzgerald, who was in...

01:19:39.000 Where The Shining is, in Colorado, where they shot The Shining, that hotel.

01:19:43.000 Yeah.

01:19:44.000 And so they go, it's haunted. 0.99

01:19:45.000 And I'm talking to the kid that works here, and he goes, listen, he goes, I didn't believe any of this shit. 0.99

01:19:49.000 He goes, I've worked here for two years. 0.99

01:19:51.000 It's real.

01:19:52.000 He goes, Lucy, they knew the names of the ghosts.

01:19:55.000 Lucy, she's a redhead. 1.00

01:19:56.000 He goes, I opened the mirror when I'm here alone at one in the morning, because it's kind of a really out-of-the-way place, you know?

01:20:02.000 Yeah.

01:20:02.000 He goes, he starts describing all these things that happened.

01:20:05.000 You're like, oh, God.

01:20:06.000 So I do believe this place is sure.

01:20:08.000 Yeah.

01:20:09.000 I think there's something to some of it.

01:20:12.000 There has to be.

01:20:13.000 Yeah.

01:20:14.000 What is energy?

01:20:15.000 What does it mean?

01:20:15.000 Why are they willing to kill each other over one place because they think God's coming to this one place?

01:20:19.000 What do they know?

01:20:21.000 It's so important to them.

01:20:24.000 You're going to love this book, I'm sure.

01:20:26.000 Because this is exactly the point.

01:20:28.000 How about Mecca?

01:20:29.000 How many Muslims travel to Mecca, and you're absolved of your sins?

01:20:35.000 Yeah.

01:20:36.000 You go to Mecca, you make the pilgrimage, and they all go around, and they're essentially walking around a meteor. 0.91

01:20:42.000 Yeah.

01:20:43.000 It's a meteorite, right?

01:20:44.000 Is it?

01:20:44.000 Yeah.

01:20:45.000 I think that's the center.

01:20:46.000 Isn't that what it is?

01:20:47.000 The center of that box in Mecca? 0.80

01:20:51.000 I think that's what it is.

01:20:52.000 Look at that.

01:20:54.000 I mean, also, how beautiful is that?

01:20:56.000 If you go there, you probably really believe.

01:21:00.000 I mean, it probably, even if it wasn't true, would have that effect on you, just psychologically, going to this incredible location.

01:21:08.000 With all these people, with all these people, and everybody's peaceful.

01:21:11.000 And nobody's talking about Medina.

01:21:12.000 Nobody's talking about anything.

01:21:14.000 Mecca and Medina, and they always talk about Mecca.

01:21:15.000 It's like Springsteen and John Cooke.

01:21:17.000 Where's Medina?

01:21:18.000 That's the other one.

01:21:19.000 The other one?

01:21:22.000 So does it say there's a stone there?

01:21:25.000 There's a stone building.

01:21:27.000 But isn't there...

01:21:28.000 Google meteor or meteorite.

01:21:32.000 It's where the...

01:21:33.000 Yeah, it's where Mohammed first saw the thing, right? 0.90

01:21:36.000 I think there's something to the...

01:21:40.000 Okay, there it is.

01:21:43.000 Oh, there it is.

01:21:44.000 Yes!

01:21:45.000 Yeah.

01:21:47.000 Yeah.

01:21:58.000 It's crazy that they got one spot.

01:22:00.000 They'll fight over that spot. 0.96

01:22:01.000 You can't have that spot.

01:22:03.000 They do?

01:22:03.000 Oh, yeah.

01:22:05.000 Imagine if the United States wanted to put a military base on that spot.

01:22:08.000 Like, no, you've got to take away your religious spot. 0.69

01:22:10.000 It's not real.

01:22:11.000 You've got to take away your spot.

01:22:13.000 That would be a real deal breaker.

01:22:14.000 That could be a deal breaker.

01:22:15.000 Oh, there's Medina right next to it. 0.89

01:22:17.000 They should spell it different.

01:22:18.000 I keep thinking about Tyler Perry's character.

01:22:22.000 Medea?

01:22:23.000 That's Mecca, that's Medina.

01:22:24.000 And Medina was cool too?

01:22:26.000 Oh, yeah.

01:22:27.000 They always say Mecca and Medina.

01:22:28.000 Oh, really?

01:22:29.000 I only heard Mecca.

01:22:30.000 I know, because people pray to Mecca.

01:22:32.000 They don't pray to Medina.

01:22:33.000 How come?

01:22:34.000 I think you have to go to both.

01:22:35.000 So is it like...

01:22:36.000 It's a major Islamic... 1.00

01:22:38.000 They're really downgrading Medina.

01:22:40.000 I don't like this.

01:22:40.000 Yeah.

01:22:41.000 The tombs are there.

01:22:41.000 The tomb of Prophet Muhammad and other leaders are at Medina.

01:22:46.000 Mm-hmm.

01:22:48.000 Is it like Simon and Garfunkel?

01:22:52.000 Like one of them, they just...

01:22:53.000 Where's Garfunkel?

01:22:55.000 He was great!

01:22:55.000 He was like, hey, Garfunkel's great!

01:22:56.000 What happened?

01:22:57.000 He was great!

01:22:59.000 What happened?

01:23:01.000 Yeah.

01:23:03.000 Some of those things...

01:23:03.000 Indeed it's Garfunkel.

01:23:04.000 Those things happen.

01:23:05.000 Although, I'm sure they wouldn't...

01:23:06.000 Of all the people who'd be compared to him, I don't think Simon and Garfunkel are what they'd want to be compared to, if you know what I mean.

01:23:11.000 I know what you mean.

01:23:12.000 I do know what you mean.

01:23:14.000 They say, can you name somebody else, please?

01:23:17.000 But I wonder what it's so specific about that area, you know?

01:23:21.000 Yeah.

01:23:22.000 No, I think Mohammed's from there or something.

01:23:24.000 Yeah, and also the areas in Israel, these areas that are, you know, the wall.

01:23:33.000 Well, this Jerusalem book is really getting into it, and I'm like, oh, my God.

01:23:37.000 Just the early stuff that's happening.

01:23:39.000 There it is.

01:23:40.000 Okay, it's known as a site where the Prophet Muhammad received the command to change the direction of prayer to Mecca.

01:23:46.000 Oh, so that's where he learned it.

01:23:49.000 Yeah.

01:23:57.000 It's a weird time for religion, for sure.

01:24:01.000 It's also a weird time for the Jews.

01:24:03.000 Like, I've never seen more anti-Semitism, like, openly.

01:24:07.000 Public and openly than now.

01:24:11.000 Like, just regular anti-Semitism.

01:24:13.000 Not even towards these particular Israelis that are bombing Gaza.

01:24:18.000 Just across the board.

01:24:21.000 Yes.

01:24:21.000 As if some 24-year-old kid in New York is responsible for what's happening in Palestine.

01:24:27.000 Right.

01:24:28.000 Just because he has a Star of David on.

01:24:29.000 Yeah.

01:24:30.000 It's crazy.

01:24:31.000 It's crazy.

01:24:34.000 The internet has also got a group hysteria, like a mob hysteria to it.

01:24:39.000 100%.

01:24:39.000 Yeah.

01:24:39.000 And then people are just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, and get out all your things on that.

01:24:44.000 100%.

01:24:44.000 That's exactly what it is.

01:24:46.000 And it's also a bunch of people that have been bullied, and they've been marginalized, and now they're a part of a team, and then they bully other people.

01:24:53.000 Absolutely.

01:24:54.000 It's an old hurt people, hurt people thing.

01:24:56.000 It's absolutely.

01:24:58.000 Suddenly you know what it feels like to be in a gang, only you don't have to worry about physical repercussions.

01:25:05.000 Exactly.

01:25:05.000 And that's a good feeling.

01:25:07.000 Yeah.

01:25:07.000 Power.

01:25:08.000 Destroy people. 0.98

01:25:09.000 You got power. 0.96

01:25:10.000 Yeah.

01:25:11.000 Yeah.

01:25:12.000 It's wild, wild.

01:25:12.000 It's changed our psychology completely.

01:25:16.000 Or ours a little bit, but the people who grew up on it have a whole different psychology.

01:25:20.000 They have a whole different mind than we do.

01:25:22.000 Yeah, they do. 0.52

01:25:23.000 And there's also a lot of really mentally ill people that are addicted to it.

01:25:28.000 Yeah, of course.

01:25:30.000 Of course!

01:25:31.000 That's a big part of it, right?

01:25:32.000 And you watch them get more and more obsessed each day.

01:25:37.000 You watch them become more and more compulsive and more and more...

01:25:41.000 You see it up and over the years.

01:25:43.000 I've seen it with people I know.

01:25:44.000 Yeah, they fall apart.

01:25:45.000 I know quite a few people that have really fallen apart because of it.

01:25:48.000 Yeah.

01:25:50.000 Yeah.

01:25:51.000 Have you ever thought about going to the flip phone?

01:25:54.000 A flip phone?

01:25:55.000 Yeah.

01:25:56.000 I don't even know if I had a flip phone back when they came out.

01:25:58.000 Disconnect.

01:25:59.000 Like Dave Attell, he's all flip phone.

01:26:01.000 He is.

01:26:02.000 Flip phone.

01:26:03.000 Yeah.

01:26:03.000 When he texts, he had a text when he was making a text in here.

01:26:06.000 It's like...

01:26:06.000 It takes him forever.

01:26:11.000 It takes him forever to write a letter.

01:26:13.000 I like when that guy, Christopher Nolan, did you see his wife gave that speech when he won the Academy Award this year?

01:26:19.000 No.

01:26:19.000 And she gave the speech, she goes, she was the producer, I guess, of the movie, and she goes, and my husband, who doesn't have a phone, never had a phone, never had a computer, this guy does all these high-tech things, he doesn't own a computer or a phone!

01:26:33.000 Wow.

01:26:34.000 Isn't that weird?

01:26:35.000 It is weird.

01:26:36.000 Tucker Carlson doesn't have a computer either.

01:26:38.000 Wow.

01:26:39.000 Doesn't have a television.

01:26:40.000 I remember hearing in the 90s, Quentin Tarantino wrote his scripts by hand like he never used even a typewriter or computer.

01:26:49.000 And you'd think a guy like him would be into it.

01:26:51.000 Well, a lot of people like writing things by hand.

01:26:53.000 In fact, I'm pretty sure J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter by hand.

01:26:57.000 Wow.

01:26:58.000 Yeah.

01:26:59.000 Pretty sure she wrote it by hand.

01:27:01.000 See if that's true.

01:27:02.000 I think she wrote it by hand first and then typed it out later.

01:27:07.000 I mean, that's so amazing.

01:27:11.000 I also think that's how Bill Clinton wrote his autobiography, My Life.

01:27:15.000 Yeah, he wrote it.

01:27:16.000 I'm 99% sure he wrote it long.

01:27:18.000 I mean, it's crazy to me.

01:27:20.000 Yeah.

01:27:21.000 I wrote first two potters by hand.

01:27:23.000 Wow!

01:27:23.000 And typed them on a 10-year-old typewriter.

01:27:26.000 All a writer needs is talent and ink.

01:27:28.000 That's insane.

01:27:30.000 That is amazing.

01:27:31.000 That's amazing.

01:27:32.000 Hand-drawn plot map for Inception.

01:27:34.000 Wow.

01:27:36.000 That's nuts.

01:27:37.000 Get his thoughts out, you know.

01:27:38.000 That is nuts.

01:27:40.000 Wow. 1.00

01:27:40.000 What a psycho. 1.00

01:27:42.000 No computer. 1.00

01:27:45.000 That's crazy.

01:27:46.000 And this guy does like the most advanced scream.

01:27:48.000 His movies are always like...

01:27:49.000 Maybe that's why.

01:27:51.000 Maybe he realizes he has more bandwidth for concentrating on something that's really important to him and less room for nonsense.

01:27:59.000 But those things, you'd think they would give you more time for that kind of thought.

01:28:03.000 Yeah, but I think they also distract you.

01:28:05.000 There's so much distraction online.

01:28:08.000 It's so difficult to do work.

01:28:10.000 And I guess if you just choose to not engage in it at all, then you're only concentrating on work because you're not checking your favorite sites.

01:28:18.000 No.

01:28:18.000 You're not seeing what's on YouTube.

01:28:20.000 And him and J.K. Rowling both go in the magic realm.

01:28:23.000 They go into another realm, so maybe that's how they get there.

01:28:26.000 Especially J.K. She created a whole world.

01:28:29.000 She really did.

01:28:29.000 A whole world of wizards and lost kids and magic spells.

01:28:34.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:28:35.000 Great shit. 1.00

01:28:36.000 Amazing. 1.00

01:28:37.000 Yeah.

01:28:37.000 And now she's in trouble.

01:28:39.000 Oh, God.

01:28:39.000 She thinks men are men and women are women.

01:28:41.000 I mean, it's just insane that she could actually have that kind of insane opinion. 0.86

01:28:48.000 How dare.

01:28:49.000 How dare she.

01:28:50.000 How dare. 0.81

01:28:52.000 It's psychotic.

01:28:54.000 Because she's in real trouble.

01:28:55.000 Everybody's like, oh, she's not canceled?

01:28:57.000 Yeah!

01:28:57.000 I mean, she's making her money because of her books, but don't act like she's not canceled.

01:29:01.000 Well, people, she gets death threats.

01:29:03.000 It's weird.

01:29:06.000 It's a weird time.

01:29:07.000 It's weird.

01:29:08.000 The weirdest.

01:29:10.000 That's a big part of it.

01:29:11.000 People like that can all get together.

01:29:13.000 People that think that's okay can get together and act as a gang.

01:29:15.000 And everyone's so terrified of them, they just kind of let them do it.

01:29:18.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:29:18.000 And nobody stands up and says, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99

01:29:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:29:22.000 Everybody's just kind of quiet. 0.99

01:29:23.000 Even people that are on the left, they will support the people that are canceling her so that they don't get canceled.

01:29:29.000 Yeah.

01:29:30.000 You see it happen all the time.

01:29:31.000 Yep.

01:29:32.000 Instead of saying, hey, she's a wonderful person, and she has a right to her opinion, and it's a very reasonable opinion, in fact.

01:29:39.000 Yeah!

01:29:40.000 What are you saying?

01:29:42.000 It's crazy.

01:29:42.000 What are you saying?

01:29:43.000 It's terrible.

01:29:44.000 Yeah, and that's why they're so adamant about getting you to comply. 0.54

01:29:48.000 There can't be any debate on it because they know it's ridiculous, so they have to fight you with tooth and nail. 0.98

01:29:54.000 Trans women are women! 1.00

01:29:55.000 Yeah.

01:29:56.000 Okay, all of them?

01:29:57.000 Are you sure?

01:29:58.000 Are you sure all of them?

01:30:00.000 Maybe you got a few psychos in there that are pretending? 0.54

01:30:02.000 Yeah.

01:30:03.000 No?

01:30:04.000 Okay.

01:30:05.000 It's crazy.

01:30:06.000 Yeah. 0.62

01:30:07.000 And those are the ones that go after J.K. Rowling, the psychos.

01:30:10.000 Yeah.

01:30:11.000 And, you know, at least she stands up.

01:30:13.000 That lady's got courage. 1.00

01:30:15.000 She's got a lot of courage.

01:30:16.000 Yeah.

01:30:16.000 She won't stop talking about it.

01:30:18.000 I think it probably took her forever to realize, like, this isn't going away.

01:30:22.000 So this is just what it is. 1.00

01:30:23.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:30:24.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:30:25.000 The truth is the truth. 1.00

01:30:26.000 Fuck off. 1.00

01:30:28.000 Fuck off. 1.00

01:30:30.000 I had Riley Gaines on the podcast. 1.00

01:30:32.000 Oh, yeah.

01:30:33.000 The swimmer.

01:30:34.000 Yeah.

01:30:35.000 That's a crazy case.

01:30:38.000 Yeah.

01:30:39.000 You just let a guy start swimming with girls because he says he's a girl.

01:30:43.000 And when he wins, you go, well, I guess she's the best.

01:30:47.000 You're like, excuse me, I've got to clean my goggles for a second.

01:30:50.000 I think I saw something.

01:30:54.000 Can you imagine when we were kids this ever being a legitimate issue that's like national?

01:31:00.000 But it's just everybody on the sidelines is watching the pool going...

01:31:04.000 Yeah.

01:31:06.000 They should all be able to vote.

01:31:08.000 Everyone should vote at one of these things.

01:31:11.000 How many of you think that a biological male should be...

01:31:13.000 And if you say yes, and if it wins, then the biological males can complete.

01:31:17.000 That's absolutely right.

01:31:18.000 If everybody says no, no, you can't do it.

01:31:21.000 But that's the thing.

01:31:22.000 Instead of just saying, look...

01:31:24.000 We all understand trans people deserve rights.

01:31:27.000 They get abused.

01:31:28.000 We all agree.

01:31:29.000 But you can't be on the swim team with girls. 0.99

01:31:32.000 You can't fight girls. 1.00

01:31:33.000 You can't.

01:31:34.000 You just can't.

01:31:35.000 You can't play rugby against girls. 0.75

01:31:38.000 You can't even play basketball against girls.

01:31:40.000 You're too big.

01:31:41.000 Stop.

01:31:41.000 But saying that is really considered hate speech.

01:31:45.000 I know.

01:31:46.000 That's what's nuts.

01:31:47.000 But that's where it's anti-science.

01:31:49.000 Because if you just want to look at it objectively, if you didn't think of it as a man and a woman, if you just took it like an equation, if you just looked at the numbers that are on one side of this equation, if you're trying to pretend that these two numbers are equivalent, and you look at one of them and it has a much greater lung capacity,

01:32:09.000 much stronger heart, Denser bones, different hip structure, less susceptibility to ACL tears, different reaction times.

01:32:16.000 If you just looked at just the system, just a system of what it means to be a male human being and compared it to like the elite of elite female human beings, you'd go, oh, this is not an equal. 0.94

01:32:26.000 It's not equal.

01:32:28.000 It's just not equal.

01:32:29.000 And I guarantee, here's the sad part also, is I guarantee most trans people feel the same way and they can't say it. 0.88

01:32:38.000 Right, because they're not trying to compete.

01:32:40.000 Because they'll be considered sellouts if they say it in their community.

01:32:43.000 They'll be considered sellouts and they're not allowed to say their opinion.

01:32:46.000 Well, there's a rift now between a lot of gay people and trans people.

01:32:50.000 That too, yeah.

01:32:50.000 Because a lot of gay people are like, look, I'm not a girl.

01:32:53.000 I just like guys.

01:32:55.000 Yeah.

01:32:55.000 They're like, you know, don't say I'm...

01:32:58.000 And you're encouraging young boys to change their gender. 0.55

01:33:01.000 Yeah.

01:33:02.000 And they're not going to be able to come anymore. 0.65

01:33:03.000 Like, if you're encouraging them to get the operation, which is crazy because they're doing thousands of them, you'll never have an orgasm again. 1.00

01:33:10.000 They remove your penis. 1.00

01:33:11.000 It's gone. 1.00

01:33:12.000 They create a vagina. 1.00

01:33:13.000 You have to keep it dilated with a thingy stuff up there. 0.98

01:33:15.000 Yeah.

01:33:16.000 Are you sure?

01:33:17.000 Are you sure?

01:33:19.000 You know?

01:33:20.000 Yeah.

01:33:20.000 Wait till you're, you know, 35. At least.

01:33:23.000 Before you make those decisions.

01:33:24.000 Yeah.

01:33:25.000 If you're a 35-year-old guy and you want to become a girl... 0.97

01:33:28.000 God bless you.

01:33:29.000 But that's the thing.

01:33:30.000 I think a lot of trans people agree with all of this.

01:33:32.000 I think they do, too.

01:33:33.000 And they just...

01:33:34.000 They know that they're not allowed because...

01:33:36.000 They don't want to throw the baby out of the bathwater.

01:33:38.000 And it's like, there's a lot of things going on where they're like, why would I sacrifice against my community when I'm just going to get screwed by both sides on it?

01:33:46.000 That's the other thing that goes on with the internet hysteria, is that suddenly, if you deviate at all, you're out in bad standing with everybody.

01:33:55.000 Yeah.

01:33:55.000 Well, that's the problem with detransitioners.

01:33:57.000 The people that transition and have deep regret, they get attacked.

01:34:01.000 They get attacked.

01:34:02.000 It's crazy. 0.65

01:34:03.000 Yeah, and then gay people who say that they wanted to be trans when they're younger, but then they realize they're just gay when they're older, and thank God I didn't do anything. 1.00

01:34:10.000 Those people get attacked.

01:34:11.000 Yeah.

01:34:12.000 But that's a large number.

01:34:14.000 There was a study about that, about how a lot of the people that thought that they were trans when they were younger, in time, they're just gay.

01:34:23.000 Yeah.

01:34:23.000 But when there's a thing that you're told, like, oh no, you're this.

01:34:27.000 And then they give you hormones, which adjusts everything.

01:34:30.000 Literally changes the way you feel.

01:34:32.000 Sure.

01:34:32.000 And for girls to boys, it alleviates anxiety, which is a problem.

01:34:38.000 Because then you think, this is what I've always been.

01:34:40.000 Because you're taking testosterone.

01:34:43.000 Of course you're gonna feel different and now you're saying oh this is how I always was if it is how you always always were you wouldn't have to take this Exogenous hormone that's not that wouldn't be necessary if you think you're a boy just be a boy You know you might just be a gay girl right if you think you're a boy And you're you're a girl just live your life the way you want to live your life absolutely But if you start injecting things into your body when you're 14 or 15 years old, 0.78

01:35:12.000 you'll never be the same again.

01:35:14.000 No.

01:35:14.000 It's just you don't have a chance at normalcy.

01:35:17.000 It's gone.

01:35:17.000 If you change your mind and one day you decide to have children, you might not be able to.

01:35:22.000 You might have ruined your voice.

01:35:24.000 You might have changed and masculinized your features permanently forever.

01:35:27.000 And you might not have really wanted that.

01:35:30.000 You might have just had anxiety.

01:35:31.000 I mean, I started smoking cigarettes when I was 14, even though it's a different thing.

01:35:34.000 But it's the same...

01:35:35.000 They say if you start smoking before you're 18, you have the chance of dying young of lung cancer a thousand different...

01:35:43.000 Oh yeah, it's a years thing, right?

01:35:44.000 Yeah.

01:35:44.000 So how many years you smoke.

01:35:47.000 It's what year you start, too.

01:35:49.000 The crazy thing is when we were kids, people hadn't really got it in their head that smoking was killing people.

01:35:56.000 They fought that so long.

01:35:57.000 They did such a great job bullshitting people.

01:36:00.000 They did such a great job of saying, eh, it's probably not that bad for you. 0.96

01:36:04.000 Because smoking looks cool.

01:36:06.000 It does look cool.

01:36:07.000 It still looks cool.

01:36:08.000 I see those old French-Italian movies.

01:36:10.000 I'm like, oh, man, they're living. 1.00

01:36:13.000 They're fucking sitting there smoking. 1.00

01:36:16.000 Badass! 1.00

01:36:16.000 It's also the idea when you know it's bad for you that this person doesn't care that it's bad for them. 1.00

01:36:21.000 They're living for now.

01:36:23.000 Yeah, well that's true too.

01:36:25.000 That's a person in the moment just living for now. 1.00

01:36:28.000 Fuck the future. 1.00

01:36:29.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:36:30.000 I remember when I was 11, I had to go down to, I wanted to buy a 45 record. 1.00

01:36:34.000 I'm from the days, there were 45 records.

01:36:36.000 And I asked my aunt, could I have a cigarette?

01:36:38.000 Because you had to walk two avenues, and each block, three blocks and two avenues, and every block, there was a group of kids, also 11 years old, that were up at that hour, hey you, that's what you didn't want to hear.

01:36:52.000 A kid. 1.00

01:36:53.000 Like, oh, fuck! 1.00

01:36:54.000 So I said, if I have a cigarette, I'll just... 1.00

01:36:57.000 It wasn't lit.

01:36:58.000 And she gave me a cigarette, a tarry tin.

01:37:00.000 And I walked down the bar with my cigarette.

01:37:02.000 Nobody was out anyway, but...

01:37:04.000 You know, that was my move.

01:37:05.000 That and the karate mags.

01:37:07.000 Yeah, those are two good moves.

01:37:09.000 And the six judo classes.

01:37:10.000 Young kid with a cigarette. 1.00

01:37:11.000 Look at this dangerous little fucker. 1.00

01:37:12.000 He's probably got a knife. 1.00

01:37:14.000 But the karate mag, you had to really commit.

01:37:16.000 I literally had to stand on the train like this.

01:37:18.000 In a horse stance?

01:37:19.000 Yeah, and stand like this with the magazine open.

01:37:22.000 The train's moving like this, middle of the subway.

01:37:24.000 Who's gonna do that?

01:37:26.000 A karate guy.

01:37:27.000 Yeah.

01:37:30.000 Smart.

01:37:31.000 It's definitely better than putting in all that work.

01:37:34.000 You don't want to do that.

01:37:37.000 Sadly, that's really my motive, is that I'm a lazy person.

01:37:40.000 Yeah, you don't want to get hit in the head a bunch of times.

01:37:44.000 You know how many guys I know can't breathe out of their nose? 0.99

01:37:47.000 A fucking large percentage of them. 0.98

01:37:49.000 But how about Owen Smith? 0.99

01:37:50.000 He went and got the trophy.

01:37:51.000 That's even better.

01:37:52.000 That's a smart move.

01:37:53.000 So funny.

01:37:54.000 He's a funny dude, man.

01:37:55.000 Oh, funny.

01:37:56.000 He's so funny.

01:37:57.000 That's so hilarious.

01:37:59.000 Such a funny thing to do.

01:38:03.000 I knew a story about a dude who is a fake black belt. 1.00

01:38:06.000 He actually wound up killing a guy later on in life.

01:38:10.000 Wow, he wasn't that fake? 1.00

01:38:11.000 No, it's a crazy story, but the guy was just a compulsive liar, pathological liar. 0.98

01:38:17.000 And he claimed he was a black belt in some martial art, and a lot of people started getting real suspicious of him. 0.85

01:38:23.000 What he did was he made his friend drop him off in the woods and he brought a duffel bag with him and he said he was entering into a kumite, like a no rules kumite karate fight in the woods and come back and pick me up here tomorrow.

01:38:39.000 So the guy shows up the next day, and now he doesn't have the duffel bag, but now he has a trophy that's the same size as the duffel bag, and he said he won the tournament.

01:38:49.000 And so he gets in the guy's car, and the guy drives him back.

01:38:52.000 He's like, what?

01:38:55.000 Wow.

01:38:55.000 So he's telling, he just made up a karate tournament in the woods and had his friend drop him off and then had a bag that he brought with him.

01:39:03.000 He was so not clutch.

01:39:05.000 Like, brought a duffel bag.

01:39:07.000 What's in the duffel bag?

01:39:08.000 Oh, you know, whatever.

01:39:09.000 My gi, my whatever, my gi.

01:39:12.000 There's a karate tournament trophy in there.

01:39:15.000 Well, I guess you tell him, I'm the kind of guy that's like, yeah, I like that kit.

01:39:19.000 You call a compulsive liar, I call him a creative thinker.

01:39:22.000 A little credit for his martial arts.

01:39:25.000 He was apparently allegedly banging this guy's wife and Found the guy got the guy like in his karate studio and strangled the guy to death and then was seen driving around in the guy's car And eventually got arrested for it.

01:39:44.000 Now, wait a minute.

01:39:45.000 He had a karate studio?

01:39:48.000 Yeah.

01:39:48.000 Yeah, he was a fake black belt that had a martial arts studio.

01:39:52.000 Oh my god.

01:39:53.000 Yeah.

01:39:53.000 And he actually had some people that trained with him that were legit martial artists that he just didn't know.

01:39:58.000 And he was kind of just proficient enough in the bullshit and got some guys who actually knew a little bit. 0.91

01:40:07.000 Yes! 0.96

01:40:08.000 Right, he's just like, hey, do finger-tip push-ups for 20 minutes.

01:40:11.000 I could teach you how to choke a person pretty quickly.

01:40:14.000 It's not hard to teach someone how to do this with your arm and that with your arm.

01:40:17.000 It's just being able to do it to a person is very difficult.

01:40:20.000 But I could show you very quickly how to squeeze it off and you would be really effective at it.

01:40:26.000 And so that's what he did to this guy.

01:40:28.000 He strangled him to death. 0.66

01:40:31.000 He got behind him and he just choked him to death. 0.67

01:40:33.000 And then he stole his car.

01:40:36.000 I don't know what they did with the body.

01:40:38.000 I don't remember exactly what happened.

01:40:40.000 But I remember like, because we had already confronted that guy on being a fake.

01:40:45.000 My friend Eddie actually had a very uncomfortable phone conversation with him while I was with him. 1.00

01:40:50.000 Where he's like, you're full of shit, man. 1.00

01:40:52.000 Like, you're not a black belt. 1.00

01:40:54.000 There's no fucking way you're a black belt. 1.00

01:40:55.000 It's like... 0.99

01:40:56.000 Because he was telling him...

01:40:58.000 He did another thing while we were together.

01:40:59.000 Like, he went to Thailand to compete in some mixed martial arts fight.

01:41:06.000 And he had just learned this move called the Twister.

01:41:09.000 Very difficult move to pull off.

01:41:11.000 And he came back and he told Eddie that he won his fight by the Twister.

01:41:15.000 And Eddie was like, what? 1.00

01:41:18.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

01:41:19.000 Like, how did you do that? 1.00

01:41:21.000 You don't know how to do that.

01:41:22.000 Like, you're not good.

01:41:24.000 Like, he knew he had rolled with the guy.

01:41:25.000 He knew the guy was terrible.

01:41:26.000 And he was saying that, oh, I'm a black belt in Japanese jujitsu.

01:41:30.000 It's different.

01:41:31.000 Like, okay. 0.57

01:41:32.000 But he was like, no, he was incompetent. 0.75

01:41:34.000 He was like a white belt on the ground. 0.98

01:41:35.000 And so he knew when he said that he won this match, like, he didn't really go to Thailand.

01:41:40.000 Like, this is fake. 0.98

01:41:40.000 This guy's a nut. 0.98

01:41:42.000 And so... 1.00

01:41:43.000 Eddie had separated from him and then, after that, we hear this story that he killed this guy and was driving the guy's fucking Jaguar around town. 1.00

01:41:54.000 Like, holy shit. 1.00

01:41:56.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:41:56.000 Don't you think that compulsive liars, like, I feel like there's not enough research on What it is, because sometimes you'll be like, that's not true, and they look at you, and you're not embarrassing them. 0.99

01:42:10.000 Part of them believes it's true.

01:42:12.000 They're broken.

01:42:13.000 I think they're broken.

01:42:14.000 They don't care if you feel good or bad.

01:42:19.000 They just want you to buy their story.

01:42:22.000 Yeah.

01:42:22.000 Yeah, they're not really there.

01:42:24.000 They're not really connecting to you.

01:42:25.000 That's their only mission in life.

01:42:28.000 Sometimes it doesn't even benefit them, and that's the most important thing to them.

01:42:33.000 Have you read about guys who have pretended to be doctors and set up practices and operated on people?

01:42:39.000 I went to one.

01:42:40.000 The guy, I went to one in...

01:42:42.000 For real?

01:42:43.000 Yeah.

01:42:44.000 This is in the 90s.

01:42:45.000 And I'll tell you, it's all over the paper.

01:42:48.000 Dean, I forget his last name, but he's in prison right now for life.

01:42:52.000 Dean, I'll look it up later.

01:42:55.000 But anyway, somebody tells me, I had like a cyst on my arm.

01:42:59.000 So they go, oh, I know a guy that'll take it off.

01:43:01.000 He's a good dermatologist, Dean something.

01:43:04.000 Anyway, so he sets up an appointment and it's on a Saturday at a doctor's, Park Avenue.

01:43:11.000 But it's Saturday.

01:43:13.000 And I was like, oh, cool.

01:43:14.000 I'm off Saturday.

01:43:15.000 I go over to his office.

01:43:16.000 I walk in.

01:43:18.000 When I think back now, it was like nobody, no receptionist, just him.

01:43:22.000 He goes, hey, I'm just working Saturday by myself.

01:43:25.000 He goes, I let the receptionist off. 0.99

01:43:27.000 I was like, oh, cool.

01:43:28.000 I go in the office.

01:43:29.000 It's kind of dark, you know, but it's...

01:43:31.000 Doctor's office.

01:43:33.000 And I guess he worked for the doctor and he had the keys or something.

01:43:36.000 And he slices the thing off.

01:43:38.000 It kind of hurt.

01:43:39.000 It healed very badly, but it healed.

01:43:41.000 But it was not a great job.

01:43:43.000 I remember thinking, I'll never go back to that guy.

01:43:45.000 He overdid it.

01:43:47.000 The Novocaine was weird, whatever.

01:43:49.000 Anyway, like four years later, Dean Fiello.

01:43:52.000 F-A-I. I was waiting to make sure it was the right guy.

01:43:55.000 That's the guy.

01:43:56.000 Sheds light on botched procedure that left New York woman dead nearly 20 years ago.

01:44:01.000 Oh my god.

01:44:02.000 He buried her under a concrete slab in his garage.

01:44:07.000 It's a good thing I left on my own event. 1.00

01:44:10.000 Holy shit, what a psycho. 1.00

01:44:12.000 Yeah, and he was like, really, like, he looked like, you know, he was like, well-coiffed hair and these crazy eyebrows. 1.00

01:44:18.000 Is that the guy?

01:44:19.000 Yeah.

01:44:19.000 If I knew him 20 years ago, he looked much better.

01:44:22.000 He buried her.

01:44:22.000 Oh, he got out, huh?

01:44:23.000 I don't know exactly how they were talking to him.

01:44:25.000 He got out.

01:44:27.000 No, when he was young, that picture doesn't do him justice.

01:44:30.000 Was he creepy looking?

01:44:31.000 What's that?

01:44:32.000 Was he creepy?

01:44:33.000 Yeah, you gotta see the picture of when he's young.

01:44:36.000 He looks like, not creepy, but he just looks like he would do it.

01:44:40.000 Yeah, there he is on the left.

01:44:42.000 That's Dean.

01:44:43.000 Yeah.

01:44:44.000 That's when they caught him.

01:44:45.000 Yeah.

01:44:46.000 Wow.

01:44:47.000 Fake doctor Dean Fiello feared something would go wrong.

01:44:51.000 Yeah, I went to him.

01:44:52.000 Do you think?

01:44:52.000 Did he have any medical history?

01:44:57.000 He must have worked for an office because he had the keys to the doctor's office.

01:45:00.000 He must have been like a receptionist. 0.99

01:45:02.000 He was just a crazy person. 0.94

01:45:03.000 He was a receptionist or something, yeah.

01:45:05.000 And what year was this where he was doing all this stuff?

01:45:07.000 He was from Madison, New Jersey.

01:45:08.000 Most likely to succeed by his classmates.

01:45:11.000 Wow.

01:45:13.000 Wow.

01:45:14.000 He worked in construction before being imploded at a day spa, became skilled at hair removal.

01:45:21.000 1996, he began his own practice, skin ovations from an office on Park Avenue.

01:45:26.000 The blood vessel removal, tattoo removal, and this...

01:45:30.000 He's selling himself short.

01:45:32.000 He also removed moles.

01:45:37.000 Wow.

01:45:37.000 That must have been the office.

01:45:39.000 Park Avenue on 73rd.

01:45:41.000 So how did she die?

01:45:42.000 How did this lady die? 0.99

01:45:45.000 He had completed the same procedure on Cruise over a dozen times before without her experiencing an allergic reaction to lidocaine.

01:45:53.000 Oh, he was not licensed to perform this procedure.

01:45:56.000 Admitted doing at least 14 times on Cruise alone.

01:46:02.000 We're good to go. 1.00

01:46:19.000 Jesus Christ, what a crazy person. 0.95

01:46:36.000 Fiello later called a doctor he knew personally to explain his version of what happened to Cruz. 0.96

01:46:40.000 According to Vanity Fair reporter Brian Burrow, the doctor told him to either call 911 or rush Cruz to a hospital emergency room.

01:46:47.000 Instead of helping Cruz, Fiello shoved Cruz's body into a black suitcase.

01:47:06.000 I think?

01:47:18.000 Cruz's wallet and purse were discovered by Fiello's housemate inside a black gym bag placed under a rafter in the unfinished ceiling of the garage in August 2003, just one month after Fiello was kicked out.

01:47:31.000 He later admitted in June 2003, nearly three months after Cruz was killed, that he had buried Cruz's body underneath the garage before pouring cement right before a sale of the house was closed.

01:47:44.000 Boy.

01:47:45.000 Boy, and see what I said?

01:47:47.000 The numbing agent didn't work. 1.00

01:47:49.000 Meanwhile, that doctor just kept his fucking mouth shut, huh? 1.00

01:47:51.000 The doctor he called? 1.00

01:47:52.000 Yeah.

01:47:53.000 That doctor never told nobody.

01:47:55.000 Yeah.

01:47:55.000 That's kind of creepy.

01:47:56.000 That's really creepy.

01:47:57.000 The doctor never goes, hey man, whatever happened to that lady? 0.99

01:48:01.000 Yeah.

01:48:02.000 He didn't even ask.

01:48:03.000 So, like, nobody even knew.

01:48:05.000 And all of a sudden, she was... 1.00

01:48:06.000 If that moron didn't leave that gym bag behind, he might have gotten away with it. 1.00

01:48:10.000 He probably would have. 1.00

01:48:11.000 I'd be going to him today.

01:48:13.000 I mean, in 2003, how good were they at ketchup people?

01:48:16.000 Yeah.

01:48:17.000 Not as good, right?

01:48:17.000 No.

01:48:19.000 But isn't that funny?

01:48:19.000 When I just said the numbing agent didn't work, and that's...

01:48:23.000 He obviously tried to...

01:48:26.000 Oh, God.

01:48:27.000 Okay, in the aftermath of the call between mutual friend—oh, the mutual friend and Fiello.

01:48:31.000 Oh, he did rat him out.

01:48:32.000 They both realized Fiello lied when he stated he got the woman to medical help and that she was fine.

01:48:39.000 Bach searched the house.

01:48:40.000 Now, Fiello wasn't there, and while looking in the garage, recalled Fiello using concrete just before moving out.

01:48:47.000 Batch remembered how uncharacteristically secretive he was about the project and his overreaction when Bach walked in on him pouring concrete.

01:48:57.000 According to New York State Detective Lieutenant T.J. Mulroney, Bach's information gave us the break in the investigation we were hoping for.

01:49:06.000 That was his ex-boyfriend.

01:49:08.000 Oh.

01:49:10.000 Brian Ford received a tip from Fiello's ex-boyfriend, Greg Bach.

01:49:14.000 Okay.

01:49:15.000 So that's who Bach is.

01:49:17.000 Maria Cruz's body was recovered from the property, now occupied by new homeowners.

01:49:21.000 Boy, can they get their money back? 0.99

01:49:23.000 I don't want to fucking live in that house. 0.99

01:49:26.000 This lady was underneath the garage. 1.00

01:49:27.000 You're parking your Honda over a dead lady. 0.89

01:49:29.000 Yeah.

01:49:30.000 For months.

01:49:31.000 Well, think of how many people don't know that this happened in their whole life.

01:49:33.000 Yeah.

01:49:34.000 A lot.

01:49:35.000 Yeah.

01:49:36.000 Yeah.

01:49:37.000 Dun, dun, dun.

01:49:38.000 Anyway, so that was my guy, yeah. 1.00

01:49:40.000 He was a compulsive liar. 0.56

01:49:42.000 Did you ever read Murder Machine? 1.00

01:49:43.000 Sure.

01:49:44.000 Yeah.

01:49:46.000 Yeah.

01:49:47.000 Those guys were something, huh?

01:49:48.000 Yeah.

01:49:49.000 Joey Diaz turned me on to that.

01:49:51.000 That book scared the shit out of me. 0.74

01:49:53.000 About Roy DeMeo.

01:49:53.000 Meanwhile, my friends that grew up around there, when they were little kids, they were telling me they used to throw snowballs at the old man's bar, that bar.

01:50:00.000 They're like, ah, ha, ha, they throw snowballs at the old man's drink in there.

01:50:04.000 Meanwhile, they were just slaughtering people in that place. 1.00

01:50:06.000 Yeah, they're throwing little 12-year-old kids like, ah, the old bastards, you know? 1.00

01:50:11.000 Pfft. 1.00

01:50:14.000 They're throwing mafia snowballs.

01:50:16.000 Is the mafia still a thing?

01:50:19.000 I mean, I don't think it's...

01:50:20.000 I mean, it's still a thing, but I don't think it's nothing.

01:50:23.000 I mean, when you think about how important the mafia was...

01:50:27.000 In the 50s and 60s and 70s, even the 80s, but it's insane how much power they had.

01:50:34.000 Vegas.

01:50:35.000 I mean, they probably killed Kennedy.

01:50:36.000 I mean, it had something to do with it, but even if they didn't, they had so much power over so many industries.

01:50:44.000 It was insane. 0.99

01:50:45.000 Well, you've got to remember, Kennedy fucked them over. 1.00

01:50:48.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:50:48.000 Because they got him in. 0.99

01:50:50.000 Yeah, they helped get him in.

01:50:51.000 They helped him win.

01:50:52.000 But they say that.

01:50:53.000 But how much?

01:50:54.000 So they got him Chicago.

01:50:55.000 You know what I mean?

01:50:56.000 It's a lot.

01:50:56.000 Yeah, I guess so.

01:50:58.000 But I mean, yeah.

01:50:59.000 And then he turned on them.

01:51:01.000 Well, he let Robert turn on them, yeah?

01:51:02.000 Yeah.

01:51:03.000 Robert turned on them.

01:51:04.000 Not good.

01:51:05.000 But here's the weird thing.

01:51:06.000 Didn't Robert turn on them in the 50s?

01:51:09.000 I feel like that was before Kennedy was president.

01:51:11.000 But maybe he promised to lay off and then he didn't.

01:51:14.000 Really?

01:51:14.000 Yeah.

01:51:15.000 But I guess that's why I would love to...

01:51:18.000 That's the one thing I'd like to see before I die.

01:51:20.000 I'm sure everybody would.

01:51:21.000 I want those Kennedy papers.

01:51:22.000 I want those papers.

01:51:24.000 Did you hear what Trump had said about them?

01:51:26.000 What, that you don't want to see them or something?

01:51:28.000 Yeah, he said if they showed you what they showed me, you wouldn't release it either.

01:51:34.000 But what does that mean?

01:51:35.000 He said he's going to release him.

01:51:37.000 That means they threatened him.

01:51:40.000 Probably means they threatened him.

01:51:41.000 What else could it mean?

01:51:43.000 Because you wouldn't want to release it either.

01:51:44.000 It's like, what?

01:51:45.000 What's going to happen?

01:51:46.000 It's 60 years later.

01:51:48.000 What could it be?

01:51:48.000 It could destroy the CIA. Yeah.

01:51:51.000 That's what I mean.

01:51:52.000 That's why he won't release it.

01:51:54.000 That if you were the president and they told you that, what would you do?

01:51:57.000 You go, well, you know what?

01:51:58.000 The public deserves to know. 0.55

01:51:59.000 Let's destroy the CIA. Or do you say, you know what?

01:52:02.000 We're going to hide this and you're going to give the CIA even more power.

01:52:05.000 But I'm saying, here's the thing.

01:52:07.000 People who killed the president.

01:52:08.000 Whatever this was, 2019, right?

01:52:10.000 Yeah.

01:52:10.000 What you would do is you would say, this CIA was nothing like today's CIA. That was back in 1963. You know what I mean?

01:52:19.000 That's all you would say.

01:52:20.000 You would say, that was the terrible time in our history.

01:52:23.000 And thank God, there's been several changes.

01:52:26.000 You know what I mean?

01:52:26.000 I just don't know if people would accept that.

01:52:29.000 Except that the CIA has changed?

01:52:32.000 Yeah, I don't think they would.

01:52:33.000 I think it would open up scrutiny that would be almost impossible for them to do their job the way they do it right now.

01:52:39.000 They just changed the name of the organization.

01:52:42.000 Immigration.

01:52:43.000 INS became ICE, became ASI. You know what I mean?

01:52:46.000 Changed the name of the CIA? How dare you?

01:52:48.000 Yeah.

01:52:48.000 What are you, a communist?

01:52:49.000 Changed it to...

01:52:51.000 It's a Central Intelligence Agency.

01:52:54.000 I know.

01:52:54.000 I never liked that name anyway.

01:52:56.000 It's stupid. 1.00

01:52:57.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:52:58.000 There's got to be a better name.

01:53:00.000 What do you propose?

01:53:03.000 The United States over... 0.55

01:53:10.000 Well, let's think of something like, you know, like the...

01:53:14.000 Overlords?

01:53:15.000 How about the...

01:53:17.000 That's what they are.

01:53:19.000 Information overlords.

01:53:20.000 Let's just cut to the chase.

01:53:22.000 The information overlords.

01:53:24.000 We decide what gets out.

01:53:25.000 We find out what's happening.

01:53:26.000 How about the American Shadow Boys? 0.58

01:53:29.000 Ooh, I like it.

01:53:31.000 Shadow Boys.

01:53:31.000 Sounds like a cool band.

01:53:33.000 Yeah, that's like a cool bluegrass band.

01:53:36.000 The Shadow Boys.

01:53:38.000 Sixth Street.

01:53:38.000 Like some dude with a banjo.

01:53:40.000 Sixth Street.

01:53:41.000 Yeah, that sounds like a good band.

01:53:44.000 The Shadow Boys, I like that.

01:53:46.000 I'm good at band names.

01:53:47.000 Are you?

01:53:48.000 Give me another one.

01:53:49.000 I tried to make my nephew back 20 years ago.

01:53:51.000 He was trying to be a band.

01:53:52.000 I said, call yourselves the you-know-whats.

01:53:56.000 Because that was one of my favorite jokes.

01:53:57.000 You ever hear that parrot joke?

01:54:00.000 You ever hear that parrot joke about that?

01:54:01.000 What's the parrot joke?

01:54:02.000 The guy buys the parrot and he goes, you don't want to buy this parrot. 0.94

01:54:04.000 He's got a filthy mouth. 0.93

01:54:06.000 And he goes, ah, I can handle it. 0.98

01:54:08.000 Parrot comes home and the parrot goes, hey, mister, mister.

01:54:09.000 He goes, what? 1.00

01:54:10.000 He goes, go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:54:12.000 The guy goes, don't talk to me. 1.00

01:54:13.000 That smacks the cage. 0.97

01:54:14.000 The parrot beats up the parrot.

01:54:16.000 He goes, I'm not the guy to play with like that.

01:54:18.000 Next day he comes home.

01:54:20.000 Parrot goes, hey, mister, mister. 0.74

01:54:21.000 He goes, what? 1.00

01:54:21.000 He goes, go fuck yourself. 1.00

01:54:23.000 He goes, you piece... 1.00

01:54:24.000 He almost drowns the parrot. 1.00

01:54:26.000 He goes, next time you tell me to go fuck myself, I'm going to kill you. 1.00

01:54:29.000 I promise you, I'm going to kill you. 1.00

01:54:31.000 Next day he shows up after work. 0.99

01:54:34.000 Parrot goes, hey, Mr. Davis.

01:54:35.000 He goes, what?

01:54:36.000 Parrot goes, you know what?

01:54:44.000 I forgot that joke.

01:54:45.000 That's a good one.

01:54:47.000 That's a good one.

01:54:49.000 That's what they used to do in the old days.

01:54:51.000 Catskill guys, they just go up there and tell jokes. 1.00

01:54:54.000 There's still guys that do that shit. 1.00

01:54:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:54:57.000 I hate to say it. 0.98

01:54:59.000 And I always get jealous because I'm always like, God damn it. 0.98

01:55:02.000 They work every time. 0.98

01:55:04.000 Right.

01:55:04.000 They're great jokes.

01:55:05.000 Yeah.

01:55:05.000 All those old jokes, people are like, oh, that's an old joke.

01:55:08.000 It's like, yeah, and they're great jokes.

01:55:10.000 Yeah.

01:55:10.000 But, you know, we would never do it.

01:55:12.000 We would never lower ourselves.

01:55:13.000 The weird thing about great jokes is who wrote them?

01:55:17.000 Where did they come from?

01:55:20.000 I tried to get...

01:55:21.000 I used to live in the same building with Jackie Mauntling, the joke man.

01:55:24.000 Jackie the joke man.

01:55:25.000 So one time I go, Jackie.

01:55:27.000 He says, well, this is like 15 years ago.

01:55:28.000 I go, we're going to do a documentary.

01:55:30.000 We're going to find out all the jokes, where they come from, who wrote them.

01:55:34.000 I said, because you must know a lot of this because he knows every joke ever written, you know.

01:55:38.000 So I go, you must know some of this.

01:55:41.000 He goes, no, I don't.

01:55:41.000 I go, what?

01:55:43.000 He goes, I don't know any of those.

01:55:45.000 I go, you...

01:55:46.000 You know all these jokes.

01:55:47.000 Your whole life is built on it.

01:55:48.000 You didn't bother to try to find it.

01:55:50.000 He goes, I have no idea where they came from.

01:55:51.000 So even he doesn't know.

01:55:52.000 I don't think anybody knows.

01:55:54.000 Isn't that crazy?

01:55:56.000 Isn't that weird?

01:55:57.000 Some of these jokes are amazing and nobody knows.

01:56:01.000 Nobody knows where any of them came from.

01:56:04.000 It's weird.

01:56:05.000 It's weird.

01:56:06.000 And some of them are great.

01:56:08.000 Where do they come from?

01:56:09.000 And that's also, we have that with memes now.

01:56:12.000 And some memes, you know who did it, because they put like a watermark on it, and they post it on their site.

01:56:18.000 Some memes, you get in a text message chain.

01:56:21.000 Someone just sends you something, you're like, and then you send it to your friends, and they're like, and nobody knows where it came from. 0.89

01:56:29.000 And some of them are some of the funniest fucking things I've ever seen online. 0.94

01:56:33.000 Really funny. 0.99

01:56:34.000 Really funny.

01:56:35.000 Yeah.

01:56:35.000 Where does it all come from?

01:56:37.000 Well, you're getting, now especially, especially with memes, you're getting the input of millions of people.

01:56:45.000 And there's so many people out there that could have been comics.

01:56:48.000 Yeah.

01:56:57.000 Yeah.

01:57:06.000 And that's how they're doing comedy.

01:57:08.000 They're getting that out in this way.

01:57:10.000 And when you're sourcing from millions and millions and millions of people, like we're doing currently, probably more, probably billions of English-speaking people that are contributing to the meme pool of the world.

01:57:21.000 Because you have all these other countries with millions of people.

01:57:23.000 It's probably a billion-plus people that are doing that.

01:57:26.000 And they're all online.

01:57:29.000 And out of those, you're going to get a few thousand hilarious people that have never done stand-up and could be a Dave Attell.

01:57:37.000 They just never did it.

01:57:38.000 Right.

01:57:38.000 That's right.

01:57:39.000 Yeah, I mean, those minds exist.

01:57:41.000 Oh, I used to have a few friends that were really funny.

01:57:43.000 We had this friend Al.

01:57:44.000 Our friend Al worked in an ambulance.

01:57:47.000 He would come home every night.

01:57:49.000 And remember, he would have an experience every night because he's in an ambulance.

01:57:53.000 Right.

01:57:53.000 He would come back and tell us stories.

01:57:56.000 And people would be, the next day, and we'd be crying.

01:58:00.000 Because every night, the way he told, he was a funny guy.

01:58:03.000 Yeah.

01:58:03.000 And he would just talk about all the abuse he took as this driver.

01:58:06.000 So I pull up, and he was that kind of guy.

01:58:09.000 Like you said, he could have been a great comic.

01:58:11.000 Yeah, there's a lot of guys like that.

01:58:12.000 The funniest guy I ever knew who wasn't a comic was a guy I worked for.

01:58:18.000 He was a private investigator.

01:58:20.000 His name was Dave Dolan.

01:58:21.000 He used to call himself Dynamite Dickless Dave Dolan.

01:58:24.000 He'd leave messages on my voicemail.

01:58:26.000 I still have a phone number that I haven't gotten rid of.

01:58:29.000 I have this phone because it has a voicemail on it from him before he died.

01:58:33.000 And he was a private investigator.

01:58:35.000 He lost his license, drunk driving.

01:58:37.000 And so he needed someone to be his driver.

01:58:40.000 So he put an ad in the newspaper for Private Investigator's Apprentice.

01:58:44.000 I was like, oh, I'll try that.

01:58:46.000 I needed some other kind of a job to just sustain myself.

01:58:49.000 I was trying to make a living doing stand-up.

01:58:51.000 And so I drove this guy around for six months until he got his license back.

01:58:54.000 And we did a lot of private investigative work.

01:58:57.000 Oh my god, he was hilarious.

01:58:59.000 He was so funny.

01:59:00.000 He was so funny about everything.

01:59:02.000 He was always funny.

01:59:03.000 He was just on.

01:59:04.000 He was everybody he talked to, they just start smiling the moment they start talking to this guy.

01:59:09.000 He was a charming dude. 0.99

01:59:10.000 He was smart as shit. 0.99

01:59:12.000 He was just very, very funny. 0.99

01:59:14.000 And he was, I would be crying.

01:59:16.000 And I remember telling my girlfriend at the time, I came back, and we went out to dinner that night, and we were eating, and I was like, I'm not anywhere near as funny as this guy.

01:59:25.000 And he doesn't even want to be a comedian.

01:59:26.000 No!

01:59:27.000 Because I was an open-miker at the time.

01:59:29.000 I was just starting.

01:59:30.000 They're just funny.

01:59:31.000 He was just funny. 0.99

01:59:33.000 I mean, just the fucking guy had a funny take on everything. 0.99

01:59:36.000 And he was a drunk, but he quit drinking like that. 0.99

01:59:40.000 Never went back to it, never fell off the wagon, was getting hammered every night, and then went to nothing, and still had the sensibility of a hilarious guy at the bar.

01:59:50.000 He still act like a drunk, but he was stone cold sober.

01:59:54.000 He had no filter.

01:59:56.000 Dick Dolan.

01:59:57.000 Dynamite Dave Dolan.

01:59:58.000 Al Cantor, same thing.

02:00:00.000 Funniest just would come out and just roll.

02:00:03.000 20 new minutes a day.

02:00:06.000 It always makes me think about that Billy Joel song, you know?

02:00:08.000 I'm sure that I could be a movie star if I could get out of this place.

02:00:11.000 Right.

02:00:11.000 Sing us a song of the piano man.

02:00:14.000 I mean, there's a lot of people out there that just never tried it, never went for it, never tried to do something.

02:00:20.000 And there's a million things to get in the way, you know?

02:00:23.000 Have you ever heard of Forrester's Syndrome?

02:00:25.000 No.

02:00:25.000 I was looking up the origin of knock-dock jokes, and this popped up in this article that said, in Europe, incessant wordplay became treated as a psychological condition.

02:00:34.000 Oh my god, Jamie's gotta go to a hospital.

02:00:36.000 Manic punning.

02:00:37.000 People that were compulsively punning.

02:00:40.000 Well, that's Tony Hinchcliffe.

02:00:41.000 Tony Hinchcliffe would 100% get locked up.

02:00:44.000 Compulsive punning in inappropriate jokes was known as Forrester Syndrome in the 1920s or 30s.

02:00:49.000 I guess that's back when people needed to go to work.

02:00:53.000 There was only work.

02:00:54.000 Joking just got in the way of things.

02:00:59.000 In 1929, Austrian psychoanalyst A.A. Brill was exploring a malady termed Witzelstucht.

02:01:07.000 How do you say that?

02:01:08.000 Yeah, that sounds good.

02:01:10.000 Witzelschacht. 0.55

02:01:11.000 An addiction to wisecracks.

02:01:13.000 According to Psychology Today, German neurologist Alfred Forster identified manic punning in what eventually became known as Forster Syndrome.

02:01:23.000 Wow.

02:01:25.000 And then I guess people got tired of it and they lumped knock-knock jokes in there.

02:01:29.000 It was like in the radio in the 30s, people were like knock-knock jokes were everywhere.

02:01:33.000 By the way, would this not be a great movie?

02:01:36.000 Yeah, it would be a great movie.

02:01:38.000 Okay, so we all agree basically that the first real stand-up in terms of the way we do it was Lenny.

02:01:46.000 Right.

02:01:46.000 Lenny Bruce.

02:01:47.000 Yes.

02:01:47.000 He was the first.

02:01:48.000 So he was the first guy to just talk about stuff.

02:01:52.000 Game change.

02:01:52.000 Yeah.

02:01:53.000 Just talk about stuff and make it funny instead of just have like a series of jokes that anybody could tell.

02:01:58.000 Well, not anybody, but right.

02:02:00.000 Yeah.

02:02:01.000 Yeah.

02:02:01.000 But you know, like Catskill guys.

02:02:03.000 Yes.

02:02:04.000 So many of them were just joke tellers.

02:02:05.000 Yeah.

02:02:06.000 No, he was a game changer.

02:02:08.000 Yeah.

02:02:09.000 Who have you seen live?

02:02:11.000 Who did you get a chance to see live?

02:02:12.000 Did you see Pryor live?

02:02:13.000 No.

02:02:14.000 Never?

02:02:14.000 I had Carlin on Tough Crowd.

02:02:18.000 Oh, really?

02:02:19.000 That was fun.

02:02:20.000 Oh, wow.

02:02:22.000 That must have been awesome.

02:02:23.000 That was really awesome.

02:02:24.000 My whole, all my family.

02:02:28.000 My family never really, you know, come to shows.

02:02:30.000 I'm from New York, so my cousins, everybody, they've been to my shows over the years, but, you know, this is already a hundred years.

02:02:36.000 They're not going to come.

02:02:38.000 I forget how I knew, but I told them.

02:02:41.000 The whole stands, there was 40 or 50 of my family.

02:02:45.000 My cousins, my uncles, my aunts.

02:02:47.000 He was calling for Irish people of a certain...

02:02:51.000 That routine he did was like...

02:02:54.000 It's the first time I saw comedy have that power to...

02:02:58.000 They would just listen to it and just laugh over the Catholic school experience that traumatized them.

02:03:04.000 And this guy did 13 minutes explaining it.

02:03:08.000 That's all the bit was, 13 minutes, and it changed their whole lives.

02:03:11.000 And so they all showed up.

02:03:13.000 And it was just a really powerful...

02:03:16.000 Said hi.

02:03:17.000 He understood.

02:03:19.000 He went out there and was like, hey, how you doing to them?

02:03:21.000 It was really interesting.

02:03:22.000 Look at little skinny Jim.

02:03:24.000 Yep.

02:03:24.000 Little young, baby-faced Colin Quinn.

02:03:26.000 Jim demanded to be on that show, by the way.

02:03:28.000 Oh, yeah.

02:03:29.000 He loves Colin.

02:03:30.000 Oh, yeah.

02:03:30.000 Look at Nick DiPaolo.

02:03:31.000 Oh, yeah.

02:03:32.000 Young and handsome.

02:03:33.000 Oh, yeah.

02:03:33.000 Greg Giraldo.

02:03:34.000 Wow.

02:03:35.000 That was a great show.

02:03:36.000 Did you think you'd ever redo that show?

02:03:38.000 Would you ever want to?

02:03:39.000 No, we talked about this last time.

02:03:40.000 I feel like it was what it was at the time, and it's just...

02:03:44.000 But you were so good as a host.

02:03:45.000 Thanks, thanks.

02:03:46.000 Have you thought about doing something like that, where you host something with comics?

02:03:50.000 Well, when I did this cop show on YouTube, it was basically like a law and order show, and I started having comedians on, and I was planning on making it like I would have Jim on, but it would...

02:04:02.000 The plot would involve insulting him and like attacking him.

02:04:05.000 And then Bobby Kelly came on and he's dressed as sister, like a villain.

02:04:10.000 And he's like complaining about me putting him in this, you know, women's outfit and Keith Robinson.

02:04:15.000 So it became sort of like, that's what I would do.

02:04:18.000 But I mean, I ran out of money.

02:04:21.000 But I mean, but that's, I did a bunch of those cop show type things.

02:04:24.000 I think Tough Crowd, in a lot of ways, was the beginning of podcasting.

02:04:29.000 Yeah.

02:04:30.000 I think a combination of the Opie and Anthony show and tough crowd.

02:04:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:04:34.000 Because those are the first places where comics got together and just talked shit. 0.99

02:04:38.000 And be themselves. 0.99

02:04:39.000 And talked shit to each other and were riffing and laughing at each other and having a good time together. 0.99

02:04:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:04:45.000 And you saw the camaraderie, which you didn't really see that with comedians. 0.99

02:04:50.000 You saw them on stage by themselves telling their routine.

02:04:53.000 You never saw them sitting down together like that.

02:04:55.000 No.

02:04:56.000 No. 0.95

02:04:56.000 Yeah, it was definitely an interesting thing, but I thought I would do it in that form, the cop shit thing, because that was more, you could still do it, and you could make fun of the culture at the same time. 0.95

02:05:07.000 It was another way of doing it, but anyway, I did that for a while, but, you know.

02:05:11.000 But that show was groundbreaking.

02:05:13.000 Because you guys would cover cultural issues, current news events, things that were happening.

02:05:21.000 You get all these comics, have a take on things.

02:05:23.000 And then trash somebody's personal life too in the middle of it.

02:05:27.000 And there's clips on Instagram.

02:05:30.000 There's one channel that has all tough crowd clips.

02:05:33.000 And you go and watch it and you go, oh my god, these guys would be in so much trouble today.

02:05:37.000 Oh, we'd be gone!

02:05:39.000 Even back then we got in trouble!

02:05:41.000 I know, but it's just crazy.

02:05:43.000 I mean, we're talking like Tough Crowd ended 2000 what?

02:05:46.000 2004. 2004. 20 years.

02:05:49.000 Wow.

02:05:50.000 20 years ago.

02:05:51.000 Isn't that crazy?

02:05:52.000 That's 20 years ago.

02:05:53.000 Oh, God.

02:05:54.000 Boy.

02:05:55.000 It makes no sense. 0.99

02:05:56.000 Time is just a motherfucker, isn't it? 1.00

02:05:58.000 It's ridiculous. 1.00

02:05:59.000 It's so quick. 0.99

02:06:00.000 It's terrible.

02:06:01.000 It's so long and yet so quick.

02:06:03.000 Yeah.

02:06:04.000 So much experience and yet it just all happened just a little while ago.

02:06:08.000 Jesus.

02:06:08.000 But so long ago.

02:06:10.000 20 years is a long, long time.

02:06:13.000 It's insane to me.

02:06:15.000 It feels like it was yesterday.

02:06:18.000 It feels like it never happened.

02:06:19.000 It feels like both.

02:06:20.000 It feels like it was just recent and like it never occurred.

02:06:24.000 It's a movie I watched.

02:06:26.000 Right.

02:06:27.000 Like if you watch it, you won't even remember what you said.

02:06:29.000 And you think about Giraldo and Patrice.

02:06:31.000 These guys are long gone, you know.

02:06:33.000 Want to hear a crazy Giraldo story?

02:06:34.000 Sure.

02:06:34.000 This is really weird.

02:06:35.000 I went to a movie recently and I'm leaving the movie theater and I went into the bathroom and as I'm leaving the bathroom, this guy walks in and he recognizes me.

02:06:48.000 And he said, hey, what's up?

02:06:50.000 And I go, what's up?

02:06:52.000 And I thought it was Greg Giraldo for like one second.

02:06:57.000 Because he was taller, but he looked exactly like a young Giraldo.

02:07:02.000 And my brain...

02:07:04.000 I didn't expect to see him, and so I open the door, and this guy's there, and he says what's up to me, and I think he recognized me because it's like, you know, Greg's dead.

02:07:12.000 That's crazy.

02:07:13.000 And this isn't Greg.

02:07:14.000 Like, this is crazy.

02:07:15.000 And I'm like, hey, what's up, man?

02:07:16.000 How you doing?

02:07:16.000 Nice to meet you.

02:07:17.000 And so I recover, and I walk out, and then I'm like, oh my god, I tell my wife, I said, I just thought I saw a dead friend of mine.

02:07:25.000 For one second, I thought it was him.

02:07:27.000 I know it sounds crazy.

02:07:28.000 But I was so happy to see him for that one second.

02:07:31.000 Yes!

02:07:32.000 It's like a dream, yeah.

02:07:33.000 It was horrible, but it was great.

02:07:35.000 It was great.

02:07:35.000 For that one second, it was great.

02:07:37.000 Yeah.

02:07:37.000 Because I was like, Greg!

02:07:38.000 Yeah.

02:07:39.000 But it wasn't him.

02:07:40.000 And they're going forever.

02:07:41.000 He was on the same set as me when I was doing news radio.

02:07:47.000 So we were doing news radio at one of the buildings, and his building was right next door when he was doing his sitcom.

02:07:54.000 That's right. 0.90

02:07:54.000 So we would always hang out together in the parking lot and talk shit and watch Joey Lawrence get into his car. 0.90

02:08:00.000 I mean, that's just great, right? 0.99

02:08:02.000 Of course.

02:08:03.000 Yeah, he had a sitcom there, too.

02:08:05.000 Yeah, they had a big scandal recently, some Chama-less thing, right? 1.00

02:08:08.000 What?

02:08:09.000 Who did?

02:08:09.000 The Lawrence Brothers.

02:08:10.000 Really?

02:08:11.000 I thought I said something.

02:08:12.000 For real?

02:08:14.000 I didn't hear about that.

02:08:15.000 Yeah, I think they were involved in that, maybe.

02:08:17.000 What is it?

02:08:18.000 I don't know, because there's also a lawsuit about one of the things.

02:08:20.000 I don't know if it's...

02:08:21.000 I'm sorry.

02:08:22.000 There's a lawsuit about one of those now, and I don't know.

02:08:23.000 Google that.

02:08:24.000 I haven't heard that story at all, but he would play his own music in his car.

02:08:28.000 Oh, Joey.

02:08:30.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:08:31.000 Yeah.

02:08:31.000 Play his own music.

02:08:32.000 Rockin' out.

02:08:33.000 Must've been fun.

02:08:34.000 Be a beautiful, handsome 19-year-old with a sitcom.

02:08:36.000 He's probably like 19, 20 years old.

02:08:38.000 Yeah.

02:08:39.000 Probably that older than that.

02:08:40.000 Just playing his own music in his car.

02:08:42.000 I was like, look at this guy.

02:08:44.000 I love it when you run into another comedian when you're involved with non-comedy things.

02:08:50.000 Yes.

02:08:51.000 Matthew Lawrence.

02:08:52.000 That's what it was.

02:08:52.000 My agency fired me after I refused to take my clothes off for an award-winning director.

02:08:56.000 Right.

02:08:57.000 Whoa.

02:08:59.000 Whoa.

02:09:01.000 So they were involved in the victim side of it.

02:09:04.000 Yes, he was supposed to be like a superhero movie or one of these things.

02:09:07.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

02:09:10.000 It's creepy when you find out how much of that stuff is real.

02:09:13.000 Yeah, it is.

02:09:14.000 You know, the more they unveil, the more stories come out.

02:09:17.000 Unbelievable.

02:09:18.000 Kids, Nickelodeon, like the Nickelodeon guy.

02:09:20.000 Nice, the Nickelodeon thing.

02:09:21.000 I was watching that.

02:09:22.000 Doesn't it make sense, though? 0.99

02:09:22.000 Like, if you were a fucking creep, you'd want to work with kids. 0.99

02:09:26.000 There's been many times in my life where I've been propositioned to get a huge role, Lawrence says in the podcast. 0.98

02:09:30.000 I lost my agency because I went to the hotel room where the actor alleges a prominent director showed up in his robe, asked me to take my clothes off, said he needed to take Polaroids of me, And said, if I did X, Y, and Z, I would be the next Marvel character. 0.99

02:09:44.000 Holy fuck. 0.99

02:09:47.000 Yo. 1.00

02:09:48.000 If he's telling the truth.

02:09:49.000 Yo.

02:09:50.000 Yeah.

02:09:51.000 You know who else was on the set?

02:09:52.000 Lenny Clark.

02:09:53.000 Oh, he was?

02:09:54.000 Yeah, Lenny Clark was on that show with... 0.99

02:09:56.000 What the fuck was his name? 0.99

02:09:59.000 He played a judge. 1.00

02:10:02.000 He used to be on the...

02:10:02.000 Harry Anderson?

02:10:05.000 Goddammit, he had a show. 0.98

02:10:08.000 The show was his name.

02:10:10.000 John Larroquette.

02:10:11.000 Yes, the John Larroquette Show.

02:10:13.000 Pull up the cast of the John Larroquette Show.

02:10:17.000 Did you ever hear that story about Lenny Clark?

02:10:19.000 When he first got a sitcom in the 80s?

02:10:22.000 I saw him out there in 91, whatever it was.

02:10:25.000 There it is.

02:10:26.000 Look at Lenny.

02:10:27.000 So I knew Lenny because the second time I ever got paid to do stand-up, I opened for Lenny.

02:10:33.000 And Lenny's like, kid, you're hilarious!

02:10:36.000 He gave me all this great advice. 0.99

02:10:37.000 I was like, holy shit, Lenny Clark from HBO? He said I'm funny. 0.99

02:10:41.000 He laughed at me.

02:10:41.000 Like, this was amazing.

02:10:42.000 And so years later, it was like five, six years later, Lenny and I are working on sitcoms on the same lot.

02:10:49.000 Just right next to each other.

02:10:50.000 But the story is when he got his own sitcom, Lenny, back in like 91. And he went to the bank and he says, I went to the bank.

02:11:00.000 I think he told me the story.

02:11:01.000 Maybe I heard it on a show.

02:11:03.000 But he goes, and they go, well, Mr. Clark, you can't buy this house.

02:11:07.000 We need this collateral.

02:11:08.000 He goes, here's my collateral.

02:11:09.000 He showed him a TV guide.

02:11:10.000 He was on the cover.

02:11:12.000 In the cover of TV Guide back when that was like a thing.

02:11:15.000 He got robbed.

02:11:16.000 He did?

02:11:17.000 Yeah, his agent.

02:11:18.000 He was a part of, I think it was the Star Agency.

02:11:22.000 I don't believe that.

02:11:22.000 An agent robbing?

02:11:23.000 No.

02:11:23.000 I know, crazy.

02:11:23.000 But I think this one person got like Jerry Seinfeld.

02:11:27.000 Wait!

02:11:27.000 I knew those guys, of course.

02:11:29.000 You know that story?

02:11:30.000 Spotlight.

02:11:31.000 Yes, that's it.

02:11:32.000 Yeah, not Star.

02:11:33.000 Spotlight.

02:11:34.000 Spotlight, yeah. 1.00

02:11:35.000 They fucked everybody. 1.00

02:11:36.000 Oh yeah, they were. 1.00

02:11:38.000 They stole millions of dollars, right?

02:11:39.000 Whatever happened with all that?

02:11:42.000 I don't know, but I think they were very connected in certain areas.

02:11:46.000 Yeah.

02:11:47.000 From what I heard.

02:11:47.000 Yeah.

02:11:49.000 So nothing happened.

02:11:50.000 Not good.

02:11:51.000 Nothing happened. 0.99

02:11:52.000 Damn. 1.00

02:11:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:11:53.000 Got robbed.

02:11:54.000 Yeah.

02:11:54.000 A lot of people lost money.

02:11:56.000 It was like a Bernie Madoff type deal almost.

02:11:58.000 That's right.

02:11:59.000 For comedy, yeah.

02:12:00.000 Mm-hmm.

02:12:01.000 Yeah, I mean, it's...

02:12:03.000 We'll handle your money, Colin.

02:12:04.000 Don't worry about it, Colin.

02:12:05.000 We'll handle your money. 1.00

02:12:06.000 I mean, and we were so stupid. 1.00

02:12:08.000 And I remember Brett Butler telling me, look at these assholes. 1.00

02:12:11.000 Talking about Spotlight. 1.00

02:12:12.000 These guys come in here.

02:12:13.000 They're here to rob us.

02:12:14.000 And I go, that's...

02:12:15.000 I was thinking, like, what do you have to...

02:12:16.000 They're our friends.

02:12:18.000 We see them every night at the club.

02:12:19.000 Why would you think they're here to rob?

02:12:21.000 They're doing business.

02:12:22.000 They take that percentage.

02:12:23.000 That's what I was thinking. 1.00

02:12:23.000 Meanwhile, six months later, I'm like, oh, shit. 1.00

02:12:26.000 They came right in. 0.99

02:12:27.000 They come to the...

02:12:29.000 Because that's what's so great when people are robbing you.

02:12:32.000 They're coming in friendly.

02:12:35.000 They're hanging out with you as friends.

02:12:37.000 They're going to the diner. 1.00

02:12:39.000 They're bringing all that human being shit. 1.00

02:12:42.000 And then they fucking rob you the whole time. 1.00

02:12:44.000 They're sociopaths. 1.00

02:12:45.000 Yes! 1.00

02:12:46.000 Sociopaths are amongst us. 1.00

02:12:47.000 They're sociopaths. 0.99

02:12:48.000 They do exist. 0.67

02:12:50.000 They do, and many of them are successful in business. 0.98

02:12:53.000 Well, we talked about them last night, like joke thief sociopaths. 0.64

02:12:55.000 There's a bunch of them, too. 0.83

02:12:56.000 Yes, that's right. 1.00

02:12:57.000 They're sociopaths. 0.99

02:12:58.000 That's what it is. 0.97

02:12:58.000 That's how they can do that. 0.97

02:13:00.000 Well, they disassociate themselves from what they're doing. 0.99

02:13:05.000 The same thing with those pathological liars. 0.98

02:13:08.000 Like, that guy Dean, he didn't think he was going to kill her. 0.98

02:13:10.000 He's, like, helping her.

02:13:11.000 Like, they're not thinking...

02:13:13.000 I mean, they know they have to cover it up.

02:13:14.000 Same with joke thieves.

02:13:15.000 They think they're...

02:13:16.000 They don't think they're joke thieves.

02:13:18.000 They're like, no, no, I'm inspired.

02:13:21.000 Or they think everybody does it, or they think everybody's influence.

02:13:25.000 What was the story with the spotlight?

02:13:27.000 Can you find that?

02:13:28.000 What did they do?

02:13:30.000 How did they steal the money?

02:13:31.000 I don't even think it became a thing.

02:13:33.000 I think it was just we knew about it.

02:13:35.000 I bet it's not even an article.

02:13:37.000 So they were connected?

02:13:38.000 Is that what the deal is?

02:13:39.000 That was the word, and it seemed like, when I look back, I'm like, oh, yeah, that makes sense.

02:13:45.000 Shady.

02:13:46.000 Like, they were just, you know.

02:13:47.000 So much shady in the entertainment business.

02:13:50.000 I know them all, yeah.

02:13:50.000 I see them all the time.

02:13:51.000 Yeah.

02:13:52.000 And they were just, yeah. 1.00

02:13:54.000 Shady motherfuckers. 1.00

02:13:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:13:56.000 Hanging out with you.

02:13:57.000 And I remember the leader, I don't remember his name, but he looked just like, remember that movie Angel Heart, when De Niro plays Louis Cipher, Lucifer?

02:14:05.000 Mm-hmm.

02:14:05.000 He looked like him.

02:14:06.000 Yeah.

02:14:08.000 You ever hear that Zach Bryan song, Damn Cold Vampires? 0.94

02:14:13.000 No. 1.00

02:14:14.000 It's a great fucking song. 1.00

02:14:15.000 It's about that. 1.00

02:14:16.000 It's a great song.

02:14:16.000 It's about the industry.

02:14:17.000 It's Cold Damn Vampires is the name, but he says these damn cold vampires is the song. 0.99

02:14:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:14:23.000 It's trying to build an empire off the things that they can take.

02:14:26.000 Yeah.

02:14:27.000 Yeah.

02:14:28.000 It's all it is.

02:14:29.000 They're building an empire off of other people's work.

02:14:31.000 All they're doing is just...

02:14:32.000 And comedians are the...

02:14:33.000 I guess other people are, but comedians are really the easiest because...

02:14:37.000 We're not business people.

02:14:38.000 We don't have a business mind.

02:14:40.000 Right, right.

02:14:41.000 So it's like, they look around, they go, and they probably think to themselves like, hey, if they want, like any thief thinks, if it was that important to them, they wouldn't leave it out there.

02:14:53.000 So just take it.

02:14:54.000 They didn't ask about the check, you take it.

02:14:56.000 Right.

02:14:57.000 Because we get sidetracked and we all have like some kind of...

02:14:59.000 Well, if you're in a corrupt business, and everybody else is corrupt too, and in show business in the early days, it was all corrupt.

02:15:05.000 It was all mob run, and everybody was in cahoots.

02:15:10.000 Everybody was robbing, yeah.

02:15:12.000 Oh my god, I mean...

02:15:13.000 Yeah.

02:15:15.000 It's crazy.

02:15:16.000 Wild business.

02:15:17.000 Yeah.

02:15:18.000 But yeah, so we were on that.

02:15:21.000 So the Greg Giraldo thing was like, Greg and I would just hang out in the parking lot all the time.

02:15:26.000 I knew him in New York, but I really got to know him on the set.

02:15:30.000 Great guy.

02:15:30.000 Some guys, when they die, you just go...

02:15:33.000 No.

02:15:35.000 Just no, no, no, no.

02:15:37.000 Not that one.

02:15:38.000 Yeah.

02:15:39.000 No, I know.

02:15:40.000 I know.

02:15:41.000 And he was...

02:15:42.000 Yeah, I mean, I'd see him every night for years, and he was a great guy.

02:15:46.000 Yeah.

02:15:47.000 Did you know Brody?

02:15:48.000 Yeah.

02:15:49.000 Brody Stevens?

02:15:50.000 I knew Brody when he worked at the cellar.

02:15:51.000 He used to be the barker at the cellar when we had to drag people in the cellar.

02:15:55.000 He was the barker.

02:15:56.000 He'd be great at that.

02:15:57.000 He was great at it.

02:15:58.000 Yeah.

02:16:00.000 Yeah, he was a good dude, too.

02:16:01.000 He was another one.

02:16:02.000 When he went, I was like, no.

02:16:05.000 Just no.

02:16:07.000 I know.

02:16:08.000 Just no.

02:16:08.000 What did he die of?

02:16:09.000 Suicide.

02:16:10.000 Oh, no.

02:16:11.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:16:13.000 Oh, my God.

02:16:15.000 That's one where you just go, maybe if you saw him the night before, gave him Give him a hug and tell him how funny he was and how much you love him.

02:16:22.000 Maybe it would have helped a little.

02:16:23.000 You know, you always think things after the fact.

02:16:26.000 But he had gone through some episodes where he would go off his medication and he'd get a little crazy and then he'd get back on.

02:16:33.000 And then every now and then he'd just catch that groove and he'd be on stage and he would be on fire.

02:16:39.000 I remember one time I was at the Improv and it was a late, late show.

02:16:42.000 It was like a 10 p.m.

02:16:44.000 show.

02:16:44.000 I think my spot was like 1130. So I do my spot and the show's over.

02:16:48.000 There's fucking 80 people in the crowd. 0.99

02:16:50.000 It's one of them deals. 0.99

02:16:51.000 And then Brody is going to close the show.

02:16:53.000 And they introduce Brody.

02:16:54.000 Brody takes his shirt off and he's swinging it around overhead with music.

02:17:00.000 Like they're playing music.

02:17:01.000 He's swinging around and walking through the crowd.

02:17:04.000 He's like...

02:17:04.000 Energy!

02:17:06.000 Positive energy!

02:17:08.000 Swinging his shirt around, and he goes on stage, and he starts playing drums on the stool, and everybody's going crazy, and then he goes into his material, 818 till I die, and everybody's dying.

02:17:21.000 I mean, he just took over the room, and I remember saying, like, he does so many of these late night sets that he just comes on with his big energy, and he just recharges the whole room.

02:17:33.000 Everybody loved Brody.

02:17:34.000 That's the kind of, yeah, that's like, well, that's that same Chris Farley thing where they would just come in and change the energy, right?

02:17:39.000 Change the energy of the room.

02:17:40.000 The whole energy was just like, whoa!

02:17:42.000 And it's like, you can't pull it off unless you're them.

02:17:46.000 Like, if you say, I'm going to be that guy, and you try it, after like 30 seconds, you just fade.

02:17:51.000 Yes.

02:17:52.000 They just, it brought more out in that.

02:17:54.000 They're just organically that way, you know?

02:17:56.000 Exactly.

02:17:57.000 Yeah.

02:17:58.000 Like you said about Dickless Dave.

02:18:00.000 Yeah.

02:18:00.000 Same thing.

02:18:01.000 He comes in, people start smiling.

02:18:03.000 Yeah.

02:18:03.000 Totally could have been a comic.

02:18:05.000 Yeah.

02:18:06.000 Yeah, it's interesting how few people go down the path, you know?

02:18:10.000 It's just such a weird...

02:18:13.000 If you're going to really...

02:18:14.000 If you want to be successful in life, it's not a good road.

02:18:20.000 No.

02:18:21.000 It's so...

02:18:23.000 There's so many...

02:18:24.000 Weird obstacles to it that it's crazy.

02:18:27.000 And you really have to get hardened.

02:18:29.000 It's like every other business I'm sure you're successful.

02:18:32.000 A little bit of your innocence about humor has to die, too.

02:18:38.000 Because you have to really...

02:18:39.000 It's a business for you, too.

02:18:41.000 And as much as we love it, and I love watching comedians and being a comedian, and I love watching comedians doing their bits and working it out, it's still...

02:18:50.000 You have to really be tough.

02:18:52.000 You have to be tough to be a comedian. 1.00

02:18:54.000 Something in you has to be able to tolerate a lot of shit. 1.00

02:18:57.000 Yes. 1.00

02:18:58.000 That's for sure.

02:18:58.000 Yeah.

02:18:59.000 You gotta be able to tolerate bombing, tolerate bad nights.

02:19:03.000 Bombing.

02:19:04.000 Everything.

02:19:05.000 If you can tolerate bombing, that's people's biggest fear.

02:19:08.000 Yeah, you can tolerate a lot in life.

02:19:10.000 That's people's biggest fear.

02:19:11.000 And we've literally had to stare in the face of a bomb bomb.

02:19:15.000 Boy, times that anybody can imagine.

02:19:17.000 I mean, it's literally been over a hundred times in my life where I've had people hating my guts.

02:19:25.000 Over a hundred times.

02:19:26.000 A whole group of people.

02:19:27.000 Everyone's worst fear.

02:19:29.000 Yeah.

02:19:29.000 What year did you start?

02:19:31.000 84. Wow.

02:19:32.000 So you were in the boom boom.

02:19:34.000 I came in 88, which is like a little after the boom.

02:19:36.000 Yes.

02:19:37.000 The boom was kind of like dying off when I started.

02:19:39.000 That's right.

02:19:39.000 But that boom in 84 must have been bananas.

02:19:42.000 Well, for me, I was new, so we didn't even think of it.

02:19:44.000 We just thought, oh, this is how life is, you know?

02:19:46.000 Right.

02:19:47.000 And suddenly, like...

02:19:48.000 Two years in, you're making money, not a lot of money.

02:19:51.000 It wasn't like Boston.

02:19:52.000 I always say, last time, Mike Clark paid real money and all the guys were robbing us.

02:19:58.000 But yeah, it was such an exciting...

02:20:01.000 I mean, just imagine, I tell people, I'm a comedian, they go, what?

02:20:06.000 You're a comedian?

02:20:08.000 What?

02:20:09.000 Like, it would just blow people's minds that you were in comedy.

02:20:13.000 And then, you know, a few years later, people were like, oh, my cousin's a comedian, so-and-so.

02:20:16.000 Yeah.

02:20:17.000 But at the time, it was blowing people's minds.

02:20:19.000 Did they have open mics when you started?

02:20:21.000 Oh, yeah.

02:20:22.000 That's the only way we'd get on.

02:20:23.000 Yeah.

02:20:23.000 How many...

02:20:24.000 Where'd you go?

02:20:25.000 Where was the first place?

02:20:26.000 The Paper Moon.

02:20:27.000 It was a place called the Paper Moon.

02:20:28.000 Eddie Brill was running this place called the Paper Moon.

02:20:30.000 Eddie Brill!

02:20:30.000 Yeah.

02:20:31.000 So Paper Moon, we started working out there.

02:20:33.000 I started working out there, you know, and weaseled my way into it and started working out.

02:20:38.000 And I would bring crowds.

02:20:39.000 Where was the Paper Moon?

02:20:40.000 I was a good bringer.

02:20:41.000 Yeah?

02:20:42.000 I'd bring all my friends because I grew up in New York.

02:20:44.000 Right.

02:20:44.000 So my friends would show up, you know?

02:20:46.000 Where was the Paper Moon?

02:20:47.000 It's where the Boston Comedy Club became.

02:20:49.000 Oh.

02:20:51.000 Downstairs.

02:20:51.000 Oh, downstairs.

02:20:53.000 It was really cool.

02:20:55.000 Boston Comic Club was a great spot.

02:20:57.000 We were so innocent.

02:20:58.000 Yeah.

02:20:59.000 We just thought, you know, we had a sound guy and we're like, hey, we're going to do film.

02:21:04.000 We tried to do films and we just so innocent.

02:21:06.000 Everybody's so innocent when you start, you know?

02:21:09.000 I'd never want to do it again, but I'm glad I did it.

02:21:12.000 Yeah.

02:21:13.000 Imagine starting something like that from scratch.

02:21:16.000 Imagine at your age trying a new thing like that.

02:21:18.000 Yeah, people do do that.

02:21:19.000 It's crazy.

02:21:20.000 Like how do you have the energy?

02:21:21.000 I guess it's their dream.

02:21:23.000 What you said is exactly right.

02:21:26.000 The energy to sustain all those drives to bomb for bad money.

02:21:33.000 And then, like you said, you had a day job.

02:21:35.000 I had a day job too.

02:21:36.000 You had to make it because you didn't have any options.

02:21:39.000 Yeah.

02:21:39.000 The only way you were going to make it is if you had options.

02:21:42.000 My friends that all kept a full-time job and didn't give up on that job never made it as a comic.

02:21:48.000 I don't know one who kept the full-time job and then got to a certain point in time where they could retire from the job and then maintain the same level of comedy as their peers.

02:21:57.000 Yeah.

02:21:57.000 No one did.

02:21:58.000 But a lot of people didn't make it.

02:22:00.000 And they were funny.

02:22:01.000 Yeah.

02:22:02.000 But they just...

02:22:03.000 There's so many layers.

02:22:06.000 I guess every job is like this, but we just know it from comedy.

02:22:10.000 Well, it's just interesting talking to someone like you that I've known for so many years.

02:22:14.000 I mean, I think I first met you 30 years ago.

02:22:16.000 Yeah.

02:22:16.000 So it's like we've known each other for so long.

02:22:19.000 You need to think about how wild this ride we're on is.

02:22:22.000 Yeah.

02:22:23.000 You know?

02:22:24.000 I mean...

02:22:25.000 It's crazy.

02:22:26.000 It's crazy.

02:22:27.000 It really is.

02:22:28.000 And what's crazy what you're doing that I think is really interesting is like you're still doing stand-up, but you've also decided to do these one-man shows.

02:22:36.000 Right. 0.98

02:22:37.000 And they're fucking amazing. 0.96

02:22:39.000 Thanks. 0.85

02:22:39.000 And are you, do you plan these, like how do you, when you decide to make one, Like, the most recent one. 0.85

02:22:46.000 Like, how do you...

02:22:47.000 Do you have a theme in mind when you sit down?

02:22:50.000 Well, what happened with this thing I just did was I had a theme in mind and it just wasn't going the way I wanted.

02:22:55.000 So then I said...

02:22:57.000 I saw these psychiatrists and I go, oh, that's my theme.

02:22:59.000 I want to do it in front of psychiatrists.

02:23:02.000 So then the theme...

02:23:03.000 The show was built around psychology and how we've cracked up as a society based on social media and everything else.

02:23:11.000 Two psychiatrists.

02:23:14.000 So I'm performing to them, but they set the theme.

02:23:16.000 They made the theme exist by me thinking about performing for them.

02:23:21.000 So when you first set out to write this set, you decided you were going to do it in front of psychiatrists?

02:23:27.000 No, I tried to do something else and it wasn't working.

02:23:31.000 And then the theme was going to be, I don't know what the theme was going to be, like small talk at one point.

02:23:35.000 Then social media.

02:23:37.000 And then I happened to accidentally do a show with four psychiatrists who were in the audience together.

02:23:41.000 So I go, I kept referencing back to them.

02:23:44.000 And then suddenly I was like, that's what I want to do, a show in front of psychiatrists.

02:23:48.000 So how far into the creation of the set were you?

02:23:51.000 I mean, probably 50%.

02:23:54.000 Wow.

02:23:55.000 But it all connects to psychiatry because it's all psychological.

02:23:58.000 That's amazing.

02:23:59.000 Yeah.

02:24:00.000 That's amazing.

02:24:01.000 And the ones you've done before.

02:24:04.000 Yeah.

02:24:04.000 Those with them, yeah.

02:24:06.000 And do you, like, how do you do it?

02:24:08.000 Do you sit down and just write it all out on a computer?

02:24:11.000 No, I go out, like, the Constitution show is a perfect example.

02:24:15.000 I went every night to the Creaking Cave in Long Island City, and Rebecca directed it.

02:24:22.000 So every night I go, because I was like, I want to do a show about the Constitution, because I was, everybody loves the Constitution on every side of every issue.

02:24:29.000 Everybody's like, Constitution's a great document.

02:24:31.000 So I just wanted to do a whole show on the Constitution, because I was like, yeah, why is it great?

02:24:35.000 And so I just would work it out of Creek and Cave all the time.

02:24:38.000 Just in front of four people, seven people.

02:24:42.000 Rebecca will tell you, ten people.

02:24:44.000 I never did it in front of more than twelve people probably.

02:24:47.000 Wow.

02:24:50.000 Eventually it became the show, you know.

02:24:51.000 So you just didn't announce that you were doing it?

02:24:53.000 You just kind of show up and do it?

02:24:55.000 I announced it.

02:24:55.000 People just didn't show up for it.

02:24:57.000 Really?

02:24:58.000 No way.

02:24:59.000 I've never been a giant drawer.

02:25:02.000 I'm really a comics comic.

02:25:03.000 If the whole world was comedians, I'd be the biggest.

02:25:06.000 I'd be selling that stadium.

02:25:07.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:25:08.000 Dude, you're one of the best comics alive.

02:25:09.000 Thanks.

02:25:10.000 You really are.

02:25:10.000 But I'm only for comedians.

02:25:11.000 I'm trying to talk you into staying tonight.

02:25:13.000 I didn't really know that I needed to coax you last night.

02:25:15.000 I just didn't want to bother you.

02:25:16.000 No, I was just being like...

02:25:18.000 I would have coaxed you.

02:25:19.000 Now I know.

02:25:19.000 I'm going to coax you from now on.

02:25:20.000 I was being the guy that's like...

02:25:21.000 Now you're in trouble.

02:25:22.000 I don't care if you're tired, if you just ate.

02:25:24.000 You're going on stage now.

02:25:25.000 Now I know the game.

02:25:26.000 I didn't know the game.

02:25:27.000 I thought you just wanted to hang out.

02:25:29.000 Because I do that.

02:25:30.000 I didn't want to bump people.

02:25:31.000 When I come to clubs, a lot of times I just want to hang out.

02:25:33.000 I just didn't want to bump people.

02:25:35.000 I don't know.

02:25:35.000 There was no bumping.

02:25:36.000 I know, but I thought Ron Maywee was coming.

02:25:38.000 I thought he was coming in.

02:25:38.000 I didn't want to be like the guy to jump in.

02:25:40.000 Come tonight.

02:25:41.000 Maybe.

02:25:41.000 If I can change my flight.

02:25:43.000 Let's see if I can change it.

02:25:43.000 We'll change it.

02:25:44.000 We'll get a guy.

02:25:44.000 May be tough.

02:25:45.000 We'll change it.

02:25:45.000 What?

02:25:47.000 Where are you going again?

02:25:48.000 Seattle.

02:25:49.000 Everybody's going to Seattle.

02:25:50.000 Yeah, that's true.

02:25:51.000 They get free needles.

02:25:52.000 It's a good spot.

02:25:53.000 And if you get the right time, they might take over the whole seedy block.

02:25:57.000 You get to be a part of that.

02:25:58.000 They did again in Portland.

02:25:59.000 Did they do it recently?

02:26:00.000 Yeah.

02:26:01.000 Another one?

02:26:01.000 Portland just did another one.

02:26:02.000 They took over something.

02:26:03.000 It's all over the news today.

02:26:05.000 Aw.

02:26:05.000 Didn't get the love that one place did.

02:26:08.000 What did they call it again, Jamie?

02:26:10.000 The Zone?

02:26:13.000 Yeah, something like that.

02:26:14.000 Something Zone.

02:26:15.000 Chaff? 0.96

02:26:16.000 Chaff? 0.96

02:26:16.000 Chad. 0.96

02:26:17.000 Chad.

02:26:18.000 No.

02:26:18.000 Chaz.

02:26:19.000 Chaz. 0.90

02:26:20.000 Yeah.

02:26:20.000 C-H-A-Z? Yeah, like Chaz Bono.

02:26:23.000 Yeah.

02:26:23.000 That's what it was.

02:26:24.000 It was like the Chaz. 1.00

02:26:25.000 Yeah.

02:26:26.000 That's it.

02:26:27.000 Capitol Hill occupied protest.

02:26:29.000 It's probably where the club is.

02:26:30.000 Autonomous Zone.

02:26:32.000 Autonomous Zone. 0.99

02:26:33.000 Remember the fucking mayor got on TV and said, maybe it's a summer of love? 0.99

02:26:36.000 Like, okay, baby. 1.00

02:26:38.000 What?

02:26:38.000 And then they booed him.

02:26:39.000 Was he the one they booed off?

02:26:40.000 It was a girl.

02:26:40.000 It was a lady.

02:26:41.000 And then the guy from Portland was trying to join in.

02:26:43.000 Oh, yeah.

02:26:44.000 They lit his house on fire. 1.00

02:26:45.000 They fucking... 1.00

02:26:47.000 They said, you have to resign. 1.00

02:26:48.000 Everybody has to resign.

02:26:49.000 This is a comedy.

02:26:50.000 Yeah.

02:26:50.000 Because he tried to go along with them.

02:26:52.000 And then he's like, you know what? 1.00

02:26:52.000 This is bullshit. 1.00

02:26:53.000 We need cops. 1.00

02:26:54.000 Right.

02:26:55.000 Like, yeah.

02:26:55.000 Oh.

02:26:56.000 Yeah.

02:26:56.000 Oh.

02:26:57.000 Now you know.

02:26:57.000 You didn't know before.

02:26:59.000 You needed cops. 1.00

02:26:59.000 And you're the fucking mayor. 1.00

02:27:01.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:27:02.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:27:04.000 Not good, kids. 1.00

02:27:05.000 Well, we'll see.

02:27:06.000 If I can change my flight, I'll come back. 1.00

02:27:07.000 Change your fucking flight. 1.00

02:27:09.000 God damn it, Colin Quinn. 1.00

02:27:11.000 What's up, Austin? 0.99

02:27:11.000 I got to practice. 0.99

02:27:12.000 Oh, there it is.

02:27:14.000 2024 cycle.

02:27:16.000 Yeah.

02:27:17.000 This is amazing.

02:27:19.000 Yeah.

02:27:20.000 This is amazing.

02:27:21.000 I love the set, too. 0.95

02:27:22.000 It's fucking perfect. 0.96

02:27:23.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:27:25.000 You know those gigs?

02:27:27.000 They have the band.

02:27:27.000 Yes.

02:27:28.000 Oh, man.

02:27:29.000 You know?

02:27:30.000 What is this on?

02:27:31.000 Is this on Netflix?

02:27:32.000 YouTube.

02:27:33.000 YouTube.

02:27:33.000 Beautiful.

02:27:34.000 And it's out right now.

02:27:36.000 Yeah.

02:27:36.000 It says, what is it called, Colin Quinn?

02:27:38.000 Our time is up.

02:27:39.000 Our time is up.

02:27:40.000 You know how therapists always go, our time is up.

02:27:41.000 Bam.

02:27:42.000 Beautiful.

02:27:43.000 That's hilarious.

02:27:43.000 Do you think that was a good name or should I have called it?

02:27:45.000 No, I was going to call it 50 minute hour.

02:27:47.000 They say that about therapy too.

02:27:48.000 That's not bad.

02:27:49.000 This guy's a therapist, you believe it?

02:27:51.000 Yeah, is that guy a therapist?

02:27:52.000 These guys are all therapists.

02:27:53.000 Really?

02:27:54.000 Yeah.

02:27:55.000 I don't know why I have to blur out my sneakers.

02:27:57.000 Why do they blur out your sneakers?

02:27:58.000 Is it a brand?

02:28:00.000 For real?

02:28:00.000 I don't know.

02:28:01.000 Who blurred it out?

02:28:02.000 You saw that too, right?

02:28:03.000 Yeah, who blurred it out? 0.98

02:28:04.000 That's ridiculous. 0.81

02:28:05.000 It looks like something's blurred out. 0.90

02:28:07.000 It's not a sneakers, it's something at that part of the stage.

02:28:09.000 Oh, maybe it's the lighting or something.

02:28:11.000 That's weird.

02:28:12.000 Makes it more weird to blur it out.

02:28:14.000 That's weird.

02:28:15.000 Ah, maybe it'll be good. 1.00

02:28:17.000 Colin Quinn, you're the fucking man. 1.00

02:28:18.000 No, it's actually not. 1.00

02:28:19.000 Yeah, it is the light.

02:28:20.000 It's the way the light is shining on the speaker.

02:28:24.000 Oh, it's not blurred.

02:28:25.000 Oh, it looks like it's blurred.

02:28:26.000 It's just the box.

02:28:27.000 It's just the monitor.

02:28:29.000 Thanks.

02:28:30.000 Well, I'll probably see you tonight.

02:28:32.000 Hopefully.

02:28:32.000 Please come.

02:28:33.000 If you guys can do it, I'll do it.

02:28:35.000 We'll make it happen.

02:28:36.000 We'll make it happen.

02:28:36.000 Maybe.

02:28:37.000 Tell everybody where they can find everything.

02:28:41.000 YouTube.

02:28:41.000 You can find me on YouTube.

02:28:43.000 That's it.

02:28:43.000 ColinQuinn.com or YouTube.

02:28:45.000 And what is your Instagram?

02:28:48.000 I am Colin Quinn.

02:28:49.000 Okay.

02:28:50.000 Beautiful.

02:28:50.000 Thank you, brother.

02:28:51.000 Appreciate you.

02:28:51.000 Thank you.

02:28:52.000 Fun.

02:28:52.000 Very fun.

02:28:53.000 Always.

02:28:53.000 Bye.

02:28:54.000 Thanks.

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 03, 2024

Joe Rogan Experience #2145 - Colin Quinn

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Summary

Transcript