The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2175 - Sam Tallent

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:12.000 They have a real like...

00:00:16.000 Estonia?

00:00:17.000 Yeah, so like the comics there.

00:00:18.000 It's called Humor Klibi, I think.

00:00:20.000 And every show done in Estonia is only produced by these comics.

00:00:24.000 So no one gets a piece of it besides comedians.

00:00:27.000 Yeah, so they've like totally collectivized comedy in Estonia.

00:00:31.000 Oh, so they've sort of developed their own scene, just the comics.

00:00:34.000 So there was no comedy club that was available and they kind of created something?

00:00:38.000 Well, Estonia's been a country since like 1994. Yeah.

00:00:42.000 You know, so it's like all brand new.

00:00:43.000 And I think free speech was just legalized like, you know, last year or whatever.

00:00:47.000 And they brought me over.

00:00:49.000 But the crowds, bro.

00:00:50.000 I did a show in the college town there.

00:00:53.000 And I was like, I watched the first two comics.

00:00:55.000 Ari, very funny, not getting big laughs. 0.99

00:00:57.000 So I went out there and tried to like attack all this crowd.

00:01:01.000 And at one point, I was like, where do you work, ma'am?

00:01:02.000 And she went, no! 0.92

00:01:04.000 That was the amount that they wanted to connect.

00:01:06.000 And, like, they don't laugh audibly.

00:01:09.000 But afterwards, I'm out there selling merch, and they're all like, that was a pleasure.

00:01:13.000 It was the time of my life.

00:01:14.000 Thank you.

00:01:15.000 It's like, okay, well, in America, typically, we smile, at least, if we're having the time of our life.

00:01:20.000 It was like someone was going to throw a rock at them if they made any noise.

00:01:23.000 Wow.

00:01:23.000 Yeah.

00:01:24.000 They're probably shell-shocked.

00:01:25.000 Oh, for sure.

00:01:26.000 Yeah.

00:01:26.000 Oh, you got to imagine.

00:01:28.000 Ari's like, Ari Maddy, who we were talking about, who is very, very funny, is such a joyful guy. 0.97

00:01:35.000 Silly. 0.98

00:01:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:01:37.000 Like, how did he come out of there?

00:01:38.000 Well, I think he's just happy to be out of there.

00:01:40.000 Right.

00:01:43.000 It just turned him into who he is now.

00:01:47.000 It's like in The Great Escape when he sees sunlight and all he can do is smile.

00:01:50.000 Yeah.

00:01:52.000 It's interesting when you see someone who's really talented that comes out of a place that doesn't have any history of it.

00:01:57.000 Yeah.

00:01:57.000 Well, they get to create their own culture there.

00:02:00.000 So they got to figure out how to do stand-up.

00:02:02.000 And I think that Ari can do stand-up in like three different languages. 1.00

00:02:05.000 Wow.

00:02:06.000 So what is Estonian?

00:02:08.000 What do they speak?

00:02:09.000 I think Estonian.

00:02:10.000 Oh, they have their own language?

00:02:11.000 I think so.

00:02:12.000 But they've only been a country since 94. Right.

00:02:14.000 Well, so they were a country, and then Russia came in, and they weren't a country, and then Russia left, and then they were a country, and then Russia came back, I think, and then they were a country after that.

00:02:22.000 So they just have this history of having a boot on their neck for years and years.

00:02:27.000 So I think he can do Estonian, and then I think he can do Russian and English.

00:02:31.000 Wow.

00:02:31.000 Yeah.

00:02:32.000 That's crazy. 1.00

00:02:32.000 And he can, like, kill you with his bare hands. 1.00

00:02:34.000 He looks great with his shirt off. 0.98

00:02:36.000 Yeah, he was an MMA fighter.

00:02:38.000 Yeah.

00:02:38.000 He had three fights.

00:02:39.000 And he's fighting Estonians. 0.95

00:02:41.000 They're just scary people. 0.90

00:02:42.000 That's how you go 0-3.

00:02:43.000 Yeah.

00:02:45.000 I'm like, you're too nice.

00:02:46.000 You're too nice to be in that game.

00:02:48.000 Yeah, quit doing act-outs.

00:02:49.000 Yeah, he was with a legit gym, too.

00:02:52.000 Legit gym.

00:02:53.000 It was a straight blast gym.

00:02:54.000 That's Conor McGregor's gym.

00:02:55.000 He's an affiliate of that.

00:02:56.000 Yeah, he's legit.

00:02:58.000 I'm happy for him.

00:02:59.000 I signed his visa letter.

00:03:01.000 Him and James McCann.

00:03:02.000 I'm both on them. 0.99

00:03:03.000 So if either of them fuck up, I'm gonna be in big trouble. 0.98

00:03:05.000 I don't know McCann. 0.98

00:03:06.000 James McCann is Shane's boy from Australia.

00:03:09.000 Oh, I do!

00:03:09.000 That's right.

00:03:10.000 I'm sorry.

00:03:10.000 No, I do know him.

00:03:11.000 That's right. 0.99

00:03:12.000 There's just so many fucking names now. 0.99

00:03:14.000 I've met more people in the last year and a half since the club's been open than I have probably ever in my life. 0.96

00:03:20.000 I try to keep an eye and pay attention to all these new faces and new comics.

00:03:25.000 Oh, yeah.

00:03:25.000 But it's pretty amazing.

00:03:27.000 Well, you make yourself available to them, too, which is cool.

00:03:29.000 I admire that about you.

00:03:31.000 Because you could just be a man in a tower and do this thing.

00:03:35.000 But no, you're out there.

00:03:37.000 No, I'm one of us.

00:03:39.000 That's the only reason why the club works.

00:03:41.000 Oh, for sure.

00:03:41.000 Yeah, you can't...

00:03:42.000 That would be gross.

00:03:44.000 I don't have...

00:03:44.000 I have very little say in how things even go on.

00:03:47.000 I hired good people, and I said, let's just...

00:03:50.000 Make sure that we have some core tenants in terms of the pay structure.

00:03:55.000 It's entirely opposite of most clubs.

00:03:59.000 The money goes to the comics, which it should. 0.98

00:04:02.000 If you're a comic and you don't have it set up like that, what the fuck are you doing? 0.97

00:04:06.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:04:06.000 We always knew we were getting robbed, right? 0.99

00:04:09.000 And we were like, hey, thank you for robbing me.

00:04:12.000 Thank you for the opportunity.

00:04:13.000 I'm a club owner now, so I'm like, I know we were getting robbed, so I'm not going to do that.

00:04:18.000 But it's funny how many club owners get mad at it.

00:04:21.000 Oh, dude.

00:04:22.000 I mean, I'm finally selling tickets now after, like, you know, fighting it out for, like, 20 years.

00:04:26.000 And the independent clubs will give you every penny that they can give to you.

00:04:30.000 Whereas, like, the corporate-owned clubs are, like, you know, they have the exact spreadsheet.

00:04:35.000 Oh, they're brutal, dude.

00:04:36.000 They're so brutal.

00:04:37.000 They're so brutal.

00:04:39.000 This is, like...

00:04:41.000 I don't want to say who it was.

00:04:42.000 Oh my god, I just got a hot sauce in my eye.

00:04:44.000 I was eating something with ghost peppers today and I forgot I had it on my hand and I just wiped my eye. 1.00

00:04:50.000 At least you didn't touch your dick. 1.00

00:04:51.000 Wow! 1.00

00:04:52.000 Ah, I did touch my dick. 1.00

00:04:53.000 That's the worst. 1.00

00:04:54.000 Yeah, it's not that bad.

00:04:55.000 It's as bad as the eye. 1.00

00:04:56.000 Oh, I did a jalapeno and then I touched my dick and then my wife came home and I had the tip of my penis in a saucer of milk. 1.00

00:05:05.000 She was like, what are you up to? 1.00

00:05:06.000 I'm just like crying with my dick in cream. 1.00

00:05:09.000 That's like that old Eddie Murphy bit about putting an aftershave on his balls. 1.00

00:05:13.000 Oh yeah. 0.98

00:05:14.000 I have clear eyes if you think that'll help at all.

00:05:17.000 Yeah, throw that over here. 0.99

00:05:20.000 God damn it. 0.99

00:05:22.000 Capsaicin's a hell of a drug, man. 1.00

00:05:23.000 Ghost pepper, baby.

00:05:24.000 That'll wake you up.

00:05:27.000 It's like those smelling salts you have in the green room. 1.00

00:05:29.000 I fucked around. 0.99

00:05:31.000 Dude, I dipped my toes into those waters. 1.00

00:05:34.000 The ones we have at the green room are bullshit compared to these. 0.99

00:05:38.000 Hey, I'll take your word for it. 1.00

00:05:41.000 I'll blast one. 1.00

00:05:43.000 Chuck that sucker this way. 0.99

00:05:45.000 Maybe that'll clear up my eyes. 0.97

00:05:47.000 It's gonna clear up something. 1.00

00:05:52.000 You psycho! 0.99

00:05:54.000 Definitely gonna forget about your hair. 1.00

00:05:55.000 Oh my god!

00:05:59.000 What a glowing endorsement of this product.

00:06:02.000 Oh my god.

00:06:11.000 Oh, my God.

00:06:12.000 Oh, dude!

00:06:13.000 I think you went too deep there.

00:06:14.000 Yeah, I went too deep, too.

00:06:16.000 Oh, I felt it in my lungs.

00:06:18.000 It gets...

00:06:19.000 Oh, man. 0.98

00:06:20.000 It really hits, like, the reptile part of your brain. 0.83

00:06:23.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:06:26.000 God, I can't believe I did that.

00:06:28.000 Let's podcast. 1.00

00:06:30.000 Let's fucking go! 0.99

00:06:32.000 I'm gonna go fight Bruce. 1.00

00:06:33.000 I'll be right back.

00:06:36.000 I did it to impress Ron White in the green room and he just laughed. 1.00

00:06:39.000 You idiot. 1.00

00:06:42.000 Ron's done it. 1.00

00:06:43.000 He's full of shit. 1.00

00:06:44.000 He's done it too. 1.00

00:06:46.000 Ron's taken quite a few hits, but none of these guys know about that one.

00:06:49.000 That's the real one.

00:06:51.000 That's Juju Mufu.

00:06:53.000 He's his bodybuilder dude.

00:06:54.000 He's got this...

00:06:56.000 Brand that sells them.

00:06:57.000 It's called Ah.

00:06:58.000 That's the real one.

00:06:59.000 That one is above and beyond anything I've ever tried.

00:07:03.000 It's like multiple magnitudes.

00:07:06.000 Are there individual capsules in here you're supposed to break? 0.99

00:07:09.000 What the fuck's in here? 0.99

00:07:10.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:07:11.000 This looks like crystal meth.

00:07:12.000 Yeah, it's just rocks and ammonia.

00:07:14.000 My right nostril's still on fire.

00:07:16.000 To the left one.

00:07:18.000 No, we're good.

00:07:19.000 That's what Joey did.

00:07:20.000 He said, I gotta clean up my left one.

00:07:22.000 He went in with the left one, too.

00:07:23.000 He's had a lot of stuff up that nose.

00:07:25.000 Yeah, I'm amazed he can smell anything.

00:07:30.000 I'm amazed he doesn't have holes in that thing.

00:07:35.000 Yeah.

00:07:35.000 Well, yeah, thank you for having me back.

00:07:37.000 My pleasure, brother.

00:07:38.000 My pleasure.

00:07:39.000 So what's the road been like?

00:07:40.000 You're all over the place, man.

00:07:42.000 I follow you on Instagram.

00:07:43.000 You're in all these crazy countries, and did you just decide to, like, see the world?

00:07:47.000 Like, is that what the plan was?

00:07:49.000 Stand-up's a pretty good cheat code to travel and experience the authentic version of a place, because you get to hang out with people from that place while you're there that weekend.

00:07:56.000 Right.

00:07:57.000 So, yeah.

00:07:58.000 I did, like, every state in America by the time I was, like, 30, and then was like, well, maybe I'll go abroad.

00:08:05.000 And stand-up's so new in the rest of the world that it's like you feel like you're in the ground floor of like all I can really approximate it to is like the early days of like hardcore like punk rock when like Black Flag and Minutemen were out there.

00:08:18.000 And I feel like I'm doing shows like that when I go to Estonia or Bratislava.

00:08:23.000 And everyone's so happy to have you.

00:08:25.000 Was there any place that like was really fun where like they laughed really loud and they got the jokes or was it every place like a little disjointed?

00:08:34.000 It's different because some of those, the more East you go into Europe, the more they watch it like theater.

00:08:40.000 But I remember I was in Hungary in Budapest, and that show was awesome.

00:08:47.000 And it shouldn't have been.

00:08:48.000 Like, the host went up and ate it, and he was getting all sweaty up there, and he had to, like, take off his sweatshirt because he was bombing so hard.

00:08:54.000 God bless him, you know?

00:08:55.000 But he comes off stage and he brings me on and he's like, it's hot up there, bro.

00:08:58.000 And then I went out there and I just made fun of him and the crowd was like, very good.

00:09:02.000 And then I killed over there, man. 0.94

00:09:04.000 Really? 0.53

00:09:05.000 Yeah.

00:09:05.000 And I didn't think it was going to be good because they were all stern-faced Europeans.

00:09:09.000 You don't walk out there and see people who look like they've smiled before, but I got them.

00:09:14.000 I took Hinchcliffe to Stockholm once.

00:09:16.000 Yeah, Stockholm's fun.

00:09:17.000 I had a great time, but he had never been to Europe before, and I had performed in Ireland, I had performed in England, I had performed in a bunch of different places.

00:09:25.000 And we did two shows, and the first show, he's like, dude, they did not like me.

00:09:29.000 I go, you got laughs!

00:09:30.000 He goes, yeah, but then they died off.

00:09:32.000 I go, no, no, that's what they do here.

00:09:34.000 They pay attention.

00:09:36.000 They pay attention in between each joke.

00:09:38.000 They don't just keep laughing and talking and making noise.

00:09:42.000 They're also not eating hot wings.

00:09:44.000 No one's arguing about splitting the check or anything.

00:09:47.000 That was another thing that I made sure with the club.

00:09:49.000 No food.

00:09:50.000 Yeah.

00:09:50.000 It is food.

00:09:52.000 We're connected to two restaurants.

00:09:53.000 Pizza place to the left, Mexican place to the right.

00:09:56.000 Yeah.

00:09:56.000 We're good.

00:09:57.000 Everyone's fine.

00:09:58.000 Yeah.

00:09:58.000 You don't have to eat.

00:10:00.000 You can take an hour and a half or two hours out of your day and not eat.

00:10:03.000 You guys also don't have to worry about being like an Applebee's where there's occasionally comedy, which is a lot of these clubs out there.

00:10:09.000 Not a lot of them, but they still exist.

00:10:11.000 That model of like...

00:10:13.000 Hey, the host, by the way, when you do everyone's birthdays, after that, make sure you plug the queso dip.

00:10:19.000 Yeah, try the wings.

00:10:20.000 Yeah.

00:10:21.000 Yeah, I did a lot of those.

00:10:22.000 Oh, me too.

00:10:23.000 But those are important for learning how to captivate someone's attention span.

00:10:26.000 Yeah.

00:10:27.000 You know, for a comic, it's like learning how to run uphill.

00:10:30.000 If you can't compete with a quesadilla, you should probably hang it up.

00:10:34.000 It's a good way to maximize profit, but it's not a good way to put on a show.

00:10:39.000 When I see comedy clubs and they have food, I'm like, why do you have food? 0.99

00:10:43.000 This is a dumb thing. 0.75

00:10:44.000 Also, when we got the Ritz, when we first looked at the place, It had a kitchen. 0.99

00:10:50.000 Mitzi's bar used to be a kitchen for the Alamo Draft House.

00:10:53.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:10:53.000 So we went in, there's fucking roaches, like cell phones running around there. 0.99

00:10:57.000 Jesus. 1.00

00:10:58.000 And I was like, okay, this is what happens when you have food.

00:11:01.000 You have roaches in your kitchen.

00:11:03.000 We can't have roaches.

00:11:04.000 We don't want those.

00:11:06.000 Yeah.

00:11:06.000 I thought you guys were gonna put in like a pizza place.

00:11:08.000 When I first toured it with you way back in the day, you were talking about like...

00:11:12.000 We're talking about doing next door.

00:11:13.000 Next door.

00:11:13.000 Yeah, where Rapolo's Pizza is.

00:11:15.000 Yeah.

00:11:15.000 We're talking about doing that, but they don't want to leave.

00:11:17.000 Okay, I mean, they're printing money right there.

00:11:19.000 Now they are.

00:11:19.000 Yeah, you guys raised the property values in the neighborhood.

00:11:22.000 I fucked up! 0.99

00:11:22.000 I should've bought it first. 0.99

00:11:23.000 I should've bought it when everybody was dying during the middle of the pandemic when everything was fucked. 0.97

00:11:28.000 But we could've never imagined it was gonna work as good as it worked. 0.96

00:11:32.000 The plan was to just see what happens and build.

00:11:38.000 But from the opening night, it was just guns blazing.

00:11:42.000 Dave Chappelle came a couple of days after we opened, and he's the first guy that ever performed.

00:11:47.000 Well, actually, Shane opened for him.

00:11:49.000 So Shane was the first guy that ever performed in the Little Room.

00:11:51.000 Wow.

00:11:52.000 And then Dave did a set there, and we did that one.

00:11:54.000 I just sold it off of Twitter.

00:11:56.000 I said, we're having a special intimate show tonight at 1130, and it sold out.

00:12:01.000 No one had any idea who it was. 0.98

00:12:03.000 And then when they found out it was Dave, it was fucking pandemonium. 0.98

00:12:06.000 That was in Little Boy? 0.99

00:12:07.000 That was in Little Boy, yeah.

00:12:08.000 Oh, my God.

00:12:09.000 So he did the first set in the big room, and he did a set after me.

00:12:13.000 So they had no idea then either.

00:12:16.000 And again, the club had just opened.

00:12:18.000 And everybody's cheering.

00:12:20.000 I'm like, thank you.

00:12:21.000 Actually, the show's not over.

00:12:23.000 We got one more comedian, ladies and gentlemen. 0.81

00:12:25.000 One of the greatest of all time.

00:12:26.000 Please welcome my friend, Dave Chappelle. 0.96

00:12:28.000 And he goes out and they just went fucking bananas. 0.98

00:12:30.000 People's heads exploded. 0.96

00:12:31.000 Yeah, it was awesome.

00:12:32.000 Yeah, they liquefied.

00:12:33.000 It was awesome.

00:12:33.000 So from the beginning, it was guns blazed.

00:12:36.000 And then so many people started moving here.

00:12:38.000 And I'm like, wow, okay.

00:12:40.000 And then now we're at a point where I'm like, I think we need another club.

00:12:44.000 Yeah, carrying capacity might have been reached over there.

00:12:46.000 It's mobbed every night.

00:12:48.000 So I feel like we could get a club down the street and have an A and a B club.

00:12:56.000 It's all for all these young people.

00:12:58.000 It's all about numbers.

00:13:01.000 Obviously you need to analyze your material, you need to write, but it's about getting on stage.

00:13:06.000 That's one of the primary components that needs to be a part of this equation.

00:13:11.000 You have to go on stage a lot.

00:13:13.000 Volume.

00:13:14.000 Yeah.

00:13:14.000 And in a good environment.

00:13:16.000 You need the bad environments, too. 0.93

00:13:18.000 You need shitty spots, too. 0.87

00:13:18.000 And you're going to get plenty of those. 0.87

00:13:20.000 There's a lot of that around here.

00:13:21.000 I mean, God, I was just at this club this weekend.

00:13:23.000 The Comedy Vault in Batavia, a great club, but the AC was broken.

00:13:26.000 Oh, no.

00:13:27.000 So it's just like, and they were packed shows.

00:13:29.000 Oh, no.

00:13:30.000 And people were just in there, like, dropping out.

00:13:32.000 By the time I got up there, people were not Stoked to still be in that room.

00:13:36.000 Yeah.

00:13:36.000 And I'm just dripping sweat.

00:13:38.000 I look like a ham in a window.

00:13:39.000 Dude, the creek in the cave was like that when we first moved here.

00:13:42.000 They had no AC. The AC was garbage. 0.97

00:13:44.000 And you'd be drenched with sweat on stage, like soaked t-shirt. 0.87

00:13:48.000 Yeah.

00:13:49.000 And now it's like 60 degrees in that room at all times.

00:13:51.000 Yeah, they fixed it.

00:13:53.000 That's the way to do it.

00:13:54.000 I mean, Letterman always used to have his room super, super cold.

00:13:58.000 The idea is that warm makes people sleepy, but when they're a little uncomfortable, they're awake.

00:14:04.000 You should just put these at every table, man.

00:14:06.000 Make it mandatory when they sit down.

00:14:08.000 We have people throwing up in the middle of the show.

00:14:10.000 Most people do not want that.

00:14:13.000 Do you guys do check drop?

00:14:14.000 I don't remember.

00:14:15.000 No.

00:14:16.000 That's the easiest thing a comedy club can do.

00:14:18.000 Get rid of check drop.

00:14:19.000 Yeah, we were doing it in the beginning and they were like arguing that we had to do it.

00:14:24.000 And it was a different person running things.

00:14:26.000 But I was like, no we don't.

00:14:28.000 Like other clubs don't do it either.

00:14:29.000 Well, it's gonna take more time.

00:14:31.000 Then it takes more time.

00:14:32.000 And the show's better.

00:14:33.000 Yeah, the show's better.

00:14:33.000 The most important thing is that the show is, like, the best show we can put on.

00:14:37.000 Right.

00:14:37.000 That's what we're selling.

00:14:38.000 Yeah.

00:14:39.000 We're not selling a check drop.

00:14:40.000 No.

00:14:40.000 So, like, you'd be on stage, and the last ten minutes of your set, you'd hear all this mumbling, and, I didn't order that.

00:14:46.000 One time a guy yelled out, Bitch, who said you could order hot wings? 1.00

00:14:49.000 And I heard that when I was on stage, and I couldn't, he buried me from the back of the room. 0.99

00:14:54.000 I couldn't recover from that.

00:14:55.000 That's hilarious.

00:14:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:57.000 Bitch, who said you could order hot wings? 1.00

00:14:59.000 Yeah, the Denver Improv. 1.00

00:15:01.000 I've never been to that one.

00:15:02.000 Of course not.

00:15:03.000 Comedy Works are so good, though.

00:15:05.000 Dude, the improv came and they said, Wendy, you've had it too good for too long.

00:15:08.000 We're going to put Comedy Works out of business.

00:15:10.000 And Wendy's response was to open a second comedy club. 0.99

00:15:13.000 And now she has two A-clubs in the improvs out there, like, barely surviving across from, like, a Toby Keese.

00:15:18.000 I love this bar.

00:15:20.000 What I was going to say is there was a club that I, like, when Fear Factor had ended, They decided that I wasn't even though I'd sold out like every show for like every time I had been there for years They decided that I wasn't a draw anymore. 0.98

00:15:37.000 So they tried to decrease my amount by 25% And I was like what the fuck are you talking about?

00:15:43.000 They're like we don't think you're a draw anymore. 0.96

00:15:44.000 I go but I sold out a year ago when I was here like what are you saying?

00:15:48.000 and so I didn't work for them for like a year and a half It's one of those big clubs.

00:15:54.000 Big companies.

00:15:55.000 That has a lot of clubs.

00:15:57.000 Yeah.

00:15:57.000 I think I know what you're saying.

00:16:00.000 For more than a year and a half.

00:16:02.000 I think it was like two years that I didn't work for them. 1.00

00:16:03.000 I'm like, fuck you. 0.99

00:16:05.000 And then when everything was really going great for me, then they finally came back and gave me great deals. 1.00

00:16:11.000 But I'm like, you guys are retarded. 1.00

00:16:12.000 This is so stupid. 1.00

00:16:14.000 What are you doing? 1.00

00:16:14.000 Why are you doing that to me? 1.00

00:16:15.000 I'm keeping the lights on around here.

00:16:17.000 How many national headliners do you guys legitimately have?

00:16:20.000 Right.

00:16:20.000 And you're going to alienate one of them just because you think you can make 25% more money?

00:16:24.000 Yeah, and you're going to sell out every ticket.

00:16:26.000 They're not papering the room for Joe Rogan.

00:16:28.000 Dude, it was sold out in advance already, to the point where I was already having to tell them I don't want to do radio. 0.97

00:16:33.000 I don't want to have to do fucking radio if it was already sold out. 0.97

00:16:36.000 That's the best feeling. 0.99

00:16:37.000 You have a relationship with a radio station.

00:16:39.000 They like it when you come in.

00:16:40.000 I'm like, I don't like it when I come in. 0.98

00:16:42.000 I don't want to wake up at fucking 5 o'clock in the morning on Friday. 0.94

00:16:46.000 When I'm the least funny I've ever been at 6 a.m. 0.99

00:16:48.000 And then I have to go back to sleep and wake up for the show. 0.99

00:16:51.000 I'm going to be all disoriented and fucked up. 0.99

00:16:53.000 Makes the shows worse. 0.99

00:16:54.000 Terrible.

00:16:55.000 I'm on there selling a product that is going to be impaired because I'm on this radio show.

00:16:59.000 Also, like...

00:17:00.000 This is around 2007, and by that time, the ship had already sailed with radio.

00:17:06.000 It was kind of already gone.

00:17:08.000 It was then becoming more internet-based promotion.

00:17:11.000 And then by time, I mean, I guess now some people still have to do radio shows.

00:17:17.000 And I talk to these guys, and some of them go on stage, hey, how many people heard me on the radio today?

00:17:21.000 Like, crickets.

00:17:22.000 It's like a waste of your time.

00:17:24.000 It's a total waste, but I think that it is built into whatever relationship the radio station has with the club.

00:17:30.000 And just quite recently, I've had to not do radio any longer, and it feels good.

00:17:34.000 It's nice. 1.00

00:17:35.000 Well, dude, Kill Tony's a fucking kingmaker. 1.00

00:17:37.000 I had no idea. 1.00

00:17:39.000 Isn't that incredible?

00:17:40.000 I was in Bratislava.

00:17:41.000 There's people in Kill Tony t-shirts.

00:17:43.000 It's nuts, man. 0.95

00:17:44.000 It's mental. 0.89

00:17:44.000 It's nuts. 0.89

00:17:44.000 Have you been to one of the arena shows? 0.89

00:17:46.000 No, I haven't. 1.00

00:17:47.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:17:48.000 That's when you realize. 1.00

00:17:49.000 When you go to an arena show, and they all sing along with the Hans Kim song, and they all know everybody's thing, and when William Montgomery comes out, they fucking go crazy and stand up.

00:18:01.000 We, like, the Black Keys are huge Kill Tony fans, and they love William Montgomery.

00:18:06.000 So when they were in town, they were doing my podcast, they were like, can we see William tonight?

00:18:10.000 So I called William, I'm like, dude, the Black Keys love you, and they want to see you.

00:18:13.000 He's like, wow!

00:18:14.000 Oh, hell!

00:18:15.000 That's amazing!

00:18:16.000 Oh, yeah!

00:18:17.000 That's so positive, Joe!

00:18:18.000 I'd love to do a set!

00:18:19.000 That'd be great!

00:18:20.000 Thank you, Joe!

00:18:21.000 Thank you, Black Keys!

00:18:22.000 Ooh! 0.96

00:18:23.000 Yeah, he's like a caricature of a human being.

00:18:26.000 But that's really him.

00:18:27.000 Have you ever hugged him?

00:18:29.000 He started in Denver, so I've known William forever.

00:18:32.000 His hugs are like he might stab you.

00:18:35.000 Like he's hugging you, like he's thinking about stabbing you, but he's controlling himself.

00:18:39.000 Like, what kind of a hug is this man?

00:18:40.000 It's the most intense hug.

00:18:42.000 He's like shaking.

00:18:43.000 It's like you're calming a baby deer. 0.98

00:18:47.000 Yeah, he's crazy. 0.78

00:18:48.000 When I met him first, he was like full on alcohol and doing coke and everything. 0.94

00:18:53.000 I was like, this guy's wild.

00:18:54.000 I don't know if he's going to make it.

00:18:56.000 But then when he came here, he sobered up by the time he moved to Austin.

00:19:01.000 And then once we got him off the notes...

00:19:04.000 Once we got him off the notes, it's like, man, that guy just flourished.

00:19:08.000 He just became this thing.

00:19:11.000 He's present now on stage.

00:19:12.000 Yes.

00:19:12.000 So he would have the notes, and then he would do Kill Tony.

00:19:16.000 And when he would do Kill Tony, he would read off the notes.

00:19:19.000 But then with the banter, the notes would be down. 0.99

00:19:22.000 Then he'd start looking at the audience in a menacing way, looking at certain people and fucking yelling at them. 0.99

00:19:27.000 I go, that's your key. 0.99

00:19:29.000 That's you, your whole set.

00:19:31.000 I'm like, this notes thing is a crutch.

00:19:33.000 You know the jokes.

00:19:34.000 Just remember them.

00:19:35.000 Just remember them.

00:19:36.000 And you'll get better at remembering them.

00:19:38.000 And also, now that you're not polluting your brain with booze and cocaine...

00:19:41.000 Yeah, your memory's better.

00:19:42.000 Right.

00:19:42.000 There you go, buddy.

00:19:43.000 He used to do this bit in Denver where he had a neck brace on, but he would, like, wear it at all times to open mics.

00:19:50.000 And it was going well, and then another comedian started doing a neck brace thing.

00:19:54.000 No way!

00:19:55.000 Yeah, dude!

00:19:55.000 Imagine stealing a disability joke.

00:19:58.000 It was crazy!

00:19:59.000 I remember being at Comedy Works on a Tuesday and being like...

00:20:03.000 She's doing the neck brace thing? 1.00

00:20:04.000 It was a girl?

00:20:05.000 She's nice.

00:20:06.000 Yeah, it was a girl.

00:20:07.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious.

00:20:08.000 Yeah, man.

00:20:09.000 Did she actually have something wrong with her neck, which would be ironic?

00:20:12.000 I don't think she did.

00:20:14.000 Oh my god, she faked it.

00:20:16.000 I don't want to say she faked it, but I don't think it was as necessary as she made it out to be.

00:20:21.000 That's a weird one, man.

00:20:22.000 Uh-huh.

00:20:23.000 Do you know what's weird?

00:20:24.000 People that wear glasses that don't have vision problems. 0.97

00:20:28.000 I hate them.

00:20:28.000 They're stealing valor.

00:20:29.000 I was thinking about that with you.

00:20:31.000 Because you have to have them.

00:20:32.000 I am so blind without these.

00:20:35.000 What is it with people with clear lenses?

00:20:37.000 Like, what is that about?

00:20:38.000 It shapes their face, is what they say.

00:20:40.000 It's an accessory.

00:20:41.000 So they'll have like a big fat face, so they'll wear big glasses.

00:20:44.000 Or they have like a mouse face, so they wear little glasses.

00:20:46.000 But I really don't trust those people.

00:20:48.000 Very odd.

00:20:49.000 Yeah.

00:20:50.000 It's a very odd choice.

00:20:51.000 It's like having a prosthetic leg attached when you have both your feet.

00:20:55.000 Yeah, I met a guy and he had those on.

00:20:57.000 It was a comic.

00:20:58.000 And I go, why do you wear those?

00:20:59.000 And he goes, girls think you're smarter. 1.00

00:21:02.000 I go, really? 1.00

00:21:03.000 Yeah, the dumbest girls. 1.00

00:21:05.000 Who are these girls? 1.00

00:21:07.000 They think you're smarter because you can't see good.

00:21:09.000 Yeah, if the glasses are doing it, just shake keys at one of them.

00:21:11.000 That'll probably work, too.

00:21:12.000 Well, I guess the stereotype at one point in time was that you ruined your eyes by spending too much time looking at a close surface, a close object, which is what happens, which is why cell phones are very bad for your eyes.

00:21:25.000 So bad for us. 0.98

00:21:26.000 So, like, the idea was, this guy reads so much that his eyes suck. 0.99

00:21:31.000 He crippled his eyes with his lust for knowledge. 0.98

00:21:33.000 Okay, so answer me this question.

00:21:36.000 Why do I think it's hot when I see girls in glasses? 1.00

00:21:38.000 Because I do.

00:21:39.000 I do too, man.

00:21:40.000 Why?

00:21:40.000 Because they do this.

00:21:42.000 Oh, that's right.

00:21:42.000 They take the glasses off.

00:21:43.000 They flick their hair back.

00:21:45.000 Before they...

00:21:45.000 Yeah.

00:21:48.000 That chick is the best. 1.00

00:21:50.000 Bro, first of all, I just saw an interview with her.

00:21:52.000 She got on stage at the Zach Bryan show, and she sang with him.

00:21:58.000 At the end, he sings Revival, and he has people come on stage and sing with them. 1.00

00:22:01.000 It's a great fucking show. 0.99

00:22:02.000 He puts on an amazing show. 1.00

00:22:04.000 So he brought her out there, and she yells out, Hawk Tua!

00:22:07.000 To the whole crowd. 0.99

00:22:10.000 Like, who the fuck would have ever thought that would have happened? 0.99

00:22:13.000 I don't know, she just looks like the classic, like, you know, American 8. Yeah. 0.99

00:22:17.000 Where it's like, I have a chance with her, and she seems fun, and she loves sucking dick. 1.00

00:22:20.000 It's like, of course. 1.00

00:22:21.000 Great personality.

00:22:21.000 Of course she captured the zeitgeist.

00:22:23.000 Yeah, she's funny.

00:22:25.000 You know, like, even the way she says it.

00:22:27.000 You get me?

00:22:28.000 Yeah.

00:22:29.000 Like, the way she says it.

00:22:30.000 Yeah, we understand.

00:22:31.000 Yeah, we get you.

00:22:32.000 Communicate it.

00:22:33.000 She's only 21. I was watching an interview with her.

00:22:35.000 She's only 21. She wasn't a schoolteacher, all that shit that people said. 0.99

00:22:38.000 She got fired from being a—nope. 1.00

00:22:39.000 She's too young to be a teacher. 0.94

00:22:40.000 She's 21. And, you know, she wasn't a bartender.

00:22:44.000 All that stuff's bullshit. 0.99

00:22:45.000 Just a young girl who was just on the streets in—it was Nashville? 1.00

00:22:49.000 Nashville.

00:22:49.000 I think so.

00:22:50.000 And just went viral.

00:22:53.000 Yeah.

00:22:53.000 And the most weird—but I love that we live in a time where that happens.

00:22:57.000 Like, it's such a strange time.

00:22:59.000 I'm sure she'll be stealing club weekends from me in no time. 0.88

00:23:02.000 Here's something that should go viral.

00:23:03.000 Jamie, pull up that guy that I tweeted.

00:23:06.000 Because people think I was making fun of this guy, which I kind of am.

00:23:09.000 But also, it is a catchy tune.

00:23:12.000 You know, there's a lot of people.

00:23:15.000 Let me just say this.

00:23:16.000 There's a lot of people that I feel lean into certain things because they think it's marketable.

00:23:24.000 You know, like when that Sam Smith guy dresses up like Satan?

00:23:28.000 Start that from the beginning, please. 0.99

00:23:29.000 This fucking guy is on stage at a Pride thing, but here's what's important. 0.99

00:23:35.000 How'd you get this footage of me, Joe? 1.00

00:23:37.000 I have eyes everywhere.

00:23:39.000 Here's what's important. 1.00

00:23:41.000 The fucking dude is talented. 1.00

00:23:43.000 Yeah, it's ridiculous that he's got a g-string on, and he's fat, and he's wearing a biker helmet on, and he's got queer tattooed across his belly. 1.00

00:23:51.000 But listen to him rap. 0.99

00:23:53.000 Listen to this.

00:23:56.000 How come it's not playing through? 1.00

00:23:57.000 Damn. 0.99

00:23:58.000 Action Bronson put the weight back on, huh? 0.99

00:24:00.000 He did put the weight back on a little bit, unfortunately.

00:24:02.000 He was on the podcast.

00:24:19.000 He's good, right?

00:24:21.000 He's entertaining. 1.00

00:24:31.000 One of the lines was, let me fill your hole with semen. 1.00

00:24:34.000 I'm pretty sure. 0.99

00:24:35.000 That's the only thing that I could get out of all that.

00:24:38.000 Like the little dance.

00:24:40.000 But it's just the flow.

00:24:42.000 I mean, everybody's freaking out about it.

00:24:44.000 Oh, the end of the world. 1.00

00:24:45.000 Listen, that's a grown man out there swinging dick for other grown men. 0.99

00:24:50.000 And they're having a good time. 1.00

00:24:51.000 They're having a consensual hit.

00:24:53.000 He's having a good time.

00:24:54.000 People like it.

00:24:54.000 But my point is, that's that guy.

00:24:58.000 He's got queer tattooed across his stomach. 0.99

00:25:00.000 He's not fucking cosplaying. 0.99

00:25:02.000 It's not performative. 0.98

00:25:03.000 Yeah, that's who he is.

00:25:03.000 He's getting pure.

00:25:04.000 But, he's fucking talented. 0.99

00:25:06.000 Like, the flow is good. 1.00

00:25:08.000 Like, it's fucking good, man. 0.98

00:25:09.000 Also, if you go to a show, don't you want that guy leading the band? 0.99

00:25:12.000 Hell yeah! 0.95

00:25:12.000 That's a blast. 0.95

00:25:13.000 That's fat Gigi Allen who'll suck you off. 1.00

00:25:15.000 Yeah, I'd love that guy to open up a show. 0.99

00:25:17.000 He should open up Fully Loaded.

00:25:20.000 That's what you should do.

00:25:21.000 Him and Jelly Roll. 1.00

00:25:22.000 Burt's fucking buddies in the... 1.00

00:25:24.000 Burt's crowd. 1.00

00:25:26.000 Just have that guy go out there first.

00:25:29.000 And then Burt would come out in the exact same outfit.

00:25:31.000 Yes!

00:25:31.000 With the machine tattooed on his belly.

00:25:34.000 Yes!

00:25:35.000 With the fucking biker hat on? 1.00

00:25:36.000 Yes! 1.00

00:25:37.000 Yeah.

00:25:38.000 I'm all for that stuff.

00:25:40.000 Me too!

00:25:40.000 I like freaks.

00:25:41.000 I love freaks!

00:25:42.000 I like freaks of all time.

00:25:43.000 I mean, here's the thing.

00:25:45.000 A lot of people are upset about the Pride Parade.

00:25:49.000 Because they're like, oh, they're doing the Pride Parade and they're doing it in front of all these children. 1.00

00:25:54.000 Hey, don't bring your kids to a fucking Pride Parade. 1.00

00:25:58.000 I know you want your kids to be tolerant. 1.00

00:25:59.000 Oh, Simply Marvelous, Chris Condi, queer conscious rapper.

00:26:03.000 Is that him?

00:26:04.000 Boy, it looks a lot like him.

00:26:06.000 Oh, those are different tattoos, I think. 0.58

00:26:07.000 No, it's queer in his belly. 1.00

00:26:08.000 That's him.

00:26:09.000 He's based in Austin, it says.

00:26:10.000 Oh! 0.60

00:26:11.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:26:11.000 Hey, fella! 0.71

00:26:13.000 Whoa, he has a song called American Faggot. 1.00

00:26:15.000 Well, there you go. 1.00

00:26:16.000 That's hard as hell.

00:26:17.000 Yeah.

00:26:18.000 That's just talented.

00:26:20.000 That probably was in Austin, then.

00:26:22.000 Oh, for sure.

00:26:23.000 Yeah.

00:26:23.000 It looked like it was at a farmer's market, based on the crowd.

00:26:25.000 So, like, there's this thing that people are saying about, like, the Pride Parade, because all these people are walking around naked at the San Francisco Pride Parade, and so they were interviewing these people, and they have their dicks out. 0.94

00:26:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:26:40.000 Listen, if you don't want your kids to see gay guys being sexual, that's what Pride Parade is. 0.98

00:26:46.000 It's not like a bunch of 40-year-old gay engineers holding hands, like married guys who are just holding hands, like, hey, we're proud. 0.63

00:26:55.000 It's different than anything else, like any other kind of pride thing, because it's not just like we just happen to be gay.

00:27:01.000 It's overtly sexual, always. 1.00

00:27:03.000 It's guys with fucking ball gags and dog leashes. 1.00

00:27:06.000 Pissing Yeah, it's nuts. 1.00

00:27:09.000 I'm not against it at all, but you can't complain that that's happening because you brought your kids.

00:27:17.000 You can't take your kids to the cage fight and complain about violence.

00:27:20.000 Exactly. 0.98

00:27:20.000 Don't take your kids to pride and complain about the gays. 0.98

00:27:24.000 They're having a blast. 0.76

00:27:25.000 They have a good time.

00:27:26.000 Yeah.

00:27:26.000 I used to do a bit about how, like, I would always think, am I exaggerating about, like, the gay neighborhood?

00:27:33.000 Like, in L.A., they have Boys Town. 0.67

00:27:36.000 And it's so crazy.

00:27:39.000 Like, I always say to myself, like, maybe I'm exaggerating.

00:27:42.000 Maybe I need to drive through again.

00:27:43.000 So every now and then I would take the right turn and go down Santa Monica Boulevard and head towards the ocean.

00:27:48.000 Yeah.

00:27:49.000 And it's five blocks of no one saying no.

00:27:52.000 It's just wild madness.

00:27:54.000 It's dudes in cowboy hats and g-strings on poles, guys making out in the middle of the street and humping each other.

00:28:00.000 It's crazy.

00:28:01.000 Having the time of their life.

00:28:02.000 Having the time of their life.

00:28:04.000 All yang, no yin, and no one can get pregnant. 1.00

00:28:06.000 I'm all for it.

00:28:07.000 Yeah.

00:28:07.000 You wrestle, but everyone wins.

00:28:08.000 Well, also, those guys have their own neighborhood.

00:28:11.000 The difference between the gays and lesbians, unfortunately, never developed this.

00:28:15.000 Because I have a theory.

00:28:16.000 I think that straight men find out that lesbians move next door and they go, I'm an ally. 1.00

00:28:20.000 And then they become their neighbors.

00:28:22.000 I see.

00:28:22.000 Whereas straight men never move into a gay neighborhood.

00:28:25.000 Very rarely. 0.77

00:28:25.000 You can't straighten up a gay neighborhood. 0.77

00:28:29.000 But they've figured out a way to make a whole area all gay. 0.99

00:28:34.000 Only gay guys can do that. 1.00

00:28:36.000 It's admirable. 0.95

00:28:37.000 It's great.

00:28:38.000 It's wild.

00:28:39.000 But it's just wild that they can pull it off in almost every city.

00:28:42.000 Well, also they can go into places, and then they gentrify these places on the margins of the city, and the next thing you know, all the houses are worth so much money because they invest so much in their properties.

00:28:51.000 They invest so much in their property, make things more safe, and they keep a lot of people from moving there.

00:28:56.000 Oh, yeah.

00:29:00.000 It's a good move. 0.98

00:29:01.000 If you can tolerate a lot of techno and dudes walking around on Molly, you can fucking live there. 0.92

00:29:06.000 But also offering you Molly, typically. 0.66

00:29:08.000 They're very generous people.

00:29:09.000 Oh, yeah.

00:29:10.000 Yeah, when I was a kid, I lived in San Francisco.

00:29:12.000 So I lived in San Francisco from age 7 to 11. So I lived in a fully gay neighborhood.

00:29:17.000 Yeah, the city of San Francisco.

00:29:19.000 Yeah, but we were in Haight-Ashbury, that area.

00:29:21.000 We were right off of Lombard Street.

00:29:23.000 So we're in there in like the mix of the whole thing.

00:29:26.000 Like I could walk to Fisherman's Wharf from my house.

00:29:29.000 And so my neighbors were gay and my aunt used to... 0.98

00:29:33.000 She would smoke pot with these gay guys and they would get naked and play the bongos. 1.00

00:29:38.000 And they'd be like, oh, she's over there playing the bongos with the gay guys. 0.99

00:29:41.000 It's like, okay.

00:29:42.000 Like it was so normal to me that it wasn't until I moved to Florida that I even realized that people were homophobic.

00:29:48.000 And that was when I was 11. Like I had no idea that people had a problem with gay people.

00:29:53.000 I mean, it was just normal for you as a boy to understand that your aunt had these gay friends, and it wasn't made strange, or they weren't othered, you know?

00:30:00.000 No, they were just normal guys who just happened to be gay.

00:30:03.000 And they were everywhere, too.

00:30:04.000 So it's like it became normal because you just saw them everywhere.

00:30:07.000 There was guys holding hands everywhere.

00:30:09.000 This was San Francisco in the 1970s.

00:30:12.000 That's kind of what you want, right?

00:30:14.000 I want people to be themselves.

00:30:16.000 I want liberty and freedom for all.

00:30:18.000 Yeah, that's real freedom. 0.98

00:30:20.000 You want America to be this fucking land of the free, home of the brave? 0.98

00:30:22.000 You know how fucking brave you have to be to be holding hands with a dude and walk down a major street? 0.99

00:30:27.000 What are the possibilities of running into homophobes? 0.99

00:30:30.000 It's pretty fucking high. 0.99

00:30:31.000 For sure. 0.99

00:30:32.000 Pretty sure.

00:30:33.000 Like, if you're gonna walk down any major metropolitan, for any, like, three or four block stretch, the odds of you running into a homophobe is very high.

00:30:41.000 Someone is gonna be violently angry that you love another man.

00:30:46.000 Right.

00:30:46.000 Yeah.

00:30:47.000 I think that the young people now, they want to be homophobic, but I think that most, like, 18 to 23 year old dudes have probably sucked a dick or had their dick sucked by a fella. 1.00

00:30:56.000 Really? 1.00

00:30:56.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:30:57.000 I'd venture to guess that they're...

00:30:58.000 What do you think is happening today?

00:30:59.000 Well, hey.

00:31:00.000 It's a mist.

00:31:00.000 They pump it into the classrooms.

00:31:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:31:03.000 It's like the gay bomb they tried in Iraq. 1.00

00:31:05.000 Do you know about that story? 0.99

00:31:07.000 No!

00:31:07.000 Oh my god, you don't know that?

00:31:08.000 No.

00:31:08.000 Oh my god.

00:31:09.000 What? 0.99

00:31:10.000 The United States spent millions of dollars trying to develop a gay bomb. 1.00

00:31:16.000 Wow. 1.00

00:31:17.000 And so it's based on this hormone and this chemical and they would detonate it above a city and apparently it'd make men so randy that they wind up fucking each other and it would demoralize them. 0.98

00:31:30.000 This was the supposed idea. 0.98

00:31:31.000 No way.

00:31:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:32.000 This is how goofy our fucking government is. 1.00

00:31:34.000 Not knowing anything about the Spartans, who are gay as fuck, who are one of the greatest armies the world has ever known. 1.00

00:31:40.000 Yeah, they could comfort each other. 1.00

00:31:41.000 They were so gay! 1.00

00:31:41.000 Not just that, but when you fought next to someone and they were your friend, that was one thing. 1.00

00:31:47.000 But if it was your lover, you would protect them to the death.

00:31:50.000 That's so smart.

00:31:51.000 Yeah, man.

00:31:52.000 Also, I think people were just gay then. 1.00

00:31:55.000 I think people, back before they realized, like, hey, you probably shouldn't fuck kids, they just fucked everything, you know? 1.00

00:32:01.000 And then people, the kids started writing down, once my uncle fucked me, all life was downhill. 1.00

00:32:06.000 And you read that, like, oh, that's probably stopped fucking kids. 0.99

00:32:09.000 It took forever before they figured that out. 0.98

00:32:11.000 Because if you think about it, like, Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, you go back in time, all those guys had, like, young boy lovers.

00:32:18.000 Yeah.

00:32:19.000 It was just accepted, and it was like part of passing your philosophy forward.

00:32:22.000 Bizarre. 1.00

00:32:23.000 Because you would take an apprentice, and he'd also fuck his thighs from behind. 1.00

00:32:26.000 But then he would tell the world your story. 1.00

00:32:30.000 Yeah, that was totally normal. 0.99

00:32:32.000 He was fucking writing everything you were saying. 0.99

00:32:33.000 He was dictating. 1.00

00:32:34.000 Yeah, and dictating.

00:32:36.000 Yeah.

00:32:36.000 But there was, like, that thing with, like, the philosophers.

00:32:39.000 Some of them thought that it was low-minded to actually have sex with the children's butts, so they would just bang their thighs from behind. 1.00

00:32:45.000 Low-minded. 1.00

00:32:45.000 And that was, like, cool. 1.00

00:32:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:32:47.000 Yeah, I think so. 0.99

00:32:48.000 So they just titty-fucked their thighs. 1.00

00:32:49.000 Exactly. 0.99

00:32:50.000 Yeah, that's a good move.

00:32:51.000 It's a real soft part of a body.

00:32:52.000 Yeah, you don't get that hurt from it. 1.00

00:32:55.000 You know, it's like, I wish that didn't happen, but at least he didn't fuck my butthole. 1.00

00:32:58.000 Yeah, I'm still tight as a drum. 1.00

00:32:59.000 Yeah, it didn't make me walk around uncomfortable, like, what the fuck did he do to me? 0.98

00:33:03.000 Yeah, I don't have to use a diaper now. 0.99

00:33:04.000 You just feel weird, like, oh, that guy just jizzed all over my thighs, like, whatever, whatever.

00:33:08.000 What are you gonna do?

00:33:10.000 At least I know about geometry now.

00:33:13.000 Bro, they didn't know any better.

00:33:15.000 Isn't that crazy?

00:33:16.000 Like, but just think about how much murder took place back then.

00:33:19.000 Like, if you got to be our age back then, if you got to be, let's just say you got to be 30, how many people do you think you saw get murdered?

00:33:27.000 Probably dozens.

00:33:28.000 Yeah.

00:33:29.000 You probably saw people get murdered all the time.

00:33:31.000 Over very small things.

00:33:32.000 Over almost nothing.

00:33:33.000 Yeah.

00:33:34.000 Disrespect.

00:33:35.000 I mean, look, when this country was founded, one of our presidents Forget which one.

00:33:41.000 Engaged in a duel while he was president.

00:33:43.000 I think Andrew Jackson doled a lot of people.

00:33:46.000 Was it Andrew Jackson?

00:33:46.000 Yeah.

00:33:46.000 That was like his whole thing.

00:33:48.000 He just liked to shoot at people?

00:33:49.000 Yeah.

00:33:50.000 From ten paces?

00:33:51.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

00:33:51.000 Just the dumbest fucking thing to think. 1.00

00:33:54.000 If you hate someone, you don't like them, why don't you guys agree to fight or something? 1.00

00:33:58.000 Right.

00:33:59.000 Why you gotta... 1.00

00:34:00.000 Dueling's so dumb. 1.00

00:34:01.000 With pistols that... 1.00

00:34:02.000 Yeah, there we go.

00:34:03.000 Many people think Andrew Jackson fought hundreds of duels.

00:34:05.000 He did have a temper.

00:34:06.000 He was challenged, and he was challenged other several times, but only one duel resulted in shots fired.

00:34:11.000 In 1806, where he killed Charles Dickinson.

00:34:14.000 That's good.

00:34:15.000 He was a terrible shot.

00:34:16.000 How far away did he shoot people from? 1.00

00:34:19.000 Those guns suck, too. 1.00

00:34:20.000 I mean, they're shooting people with muskets. 1.00

00:34:22.000 Right, and it shot like a marble?

00:34:23.000 Yeah, it shot a ball of lead.

00:34:25.000 And not very accurate, either.

00:34:27.000 And you probably didn't die every time.

00:34:29.000 No.

00:34:30.000 You can take one of those.

00:34:31.000 You're fine.

00:34:31.000 Yeah, you can take one in the shoulder.

00:34:32.000 Especially if they're not accurate.

00:34:33.000 Oh, yeah.

00:34:34.000 But a lot of guys are probably crippled from them.

00:34:36.000 Oh, for sure, because it would crack your bone.

00:34:38.000 Yeah.

00:34:38.000 It would, like, hit the bone and bend it in half.

00:34:40.000 And then they never knew how to fix bones back then.

00:34:42.000 Yeah, they'd just have to chop it off.

00:34:43.000 And they probably didn't even know how to get the lead out.

00:34:46.000 No, that's a good point.

00:34:47.000 I bet lead poisoning.

00:34:48.000 It gets deep in there and just stays in there.

00:34:50.000 Ugh.

00:34:51.000 Ugh.

00:34:53.000 You should have the door guys duel for stage time with period-type guns, you know?

00:35:00.000 Right.

00:35:01.000 Just paintball guns.

00:35:02.000 Did you ever see that scene in that Mel Gibson movie, The Patriot, where the guy gets hit in the face with a cannonball?

00:35:08.000 Oh, yeah.

00:35:09.000 Yo.

00:35:10.000 Yes.

00:35:11.000 Or Napoleon, where that horse gets exploded with a cannonball in the first three minutes.

00:35:15.000 I didn't see Napoleon, but I heard about that.

00:35:16.000 The first three minutes is all you have to see.

00:35:18.000 Really?

00:35:18.000 Well, yeah, you see a horse take a cannonball in the chest, and then the rest of it's just like him simping for someone.

00:35:24.000 Oh, yeah.

00:35:25.000 I heard they cucked him out.

00:35:26.000 It wasn't the best movie.

00:35:27.000 It was pretty.

00:35:28.000 It was like a lush film.

00:35:29.000 What a waste of Joaquin Phoenix.

00:35:32.000 Yeah, he's the man.

00:35:33.000 That guy is so good.

00:35:34.000 He scared the shit out of me in the Joker.

00:35:36.000 And then the riots happened like a year later.

00:35:39.000 Yeah, I know.

00:35:41.000 Predictive programming.

00:35:41.000 How much is he responsible for this?

00:35:43.000 I don't want to sidetrack too far, but this is saying that duels back then were not exactly what we think they might have been.

00:35:49.000 Oh yeah?

00:35:49.000 It was more of a test of courage.

00:35:50.000 It says people didn't just take 10 steps and shoot as quickly as possible.

00:35:55.000 Most of the time, people would stand and fire their guns in the air, purposely miss their opponent, making a duel more or less a test about courage.

00:36:02.000 However, there are plenty of real life examples where people would try to kill each other in a duel, for example, Hamilton and Burr.

00:36:08.000 People involved in duels also chose seconds or people to accompany them to the duel to make sure it was legitimate.

00:36:14.000 Oftentimes the seconds found themselves acting as peacemakers in a duel, making sure if shots were fired, they weren't fired at other people.

00:36:23.000 So it was a lot of playing chicken, I guess.

00:36:26.000 I think so.

00:36:27.000 Making them flinch.

00:36:27.000 And occasionally they shot each other.

00:36:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:36:29.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:36:30.000 They probably had... 1.00

00:36:31.000 John Wick was like that at the end, right?

00:36:32.000 Didn't the guy try to get a spoiler alert?

00:36:34.000 No, spoiler alert.

00:36:34.000 John Wick pretended he shot, but he didn't.

00:36:37.000 He held his bullet to take a shot.

00:36:39.000 Didn't the other guy want to get a replacement or something?

00:36:40.000 Mm-hmm.

00:36:41.000 So John Wick wouldn't kill him?

00:36:43.000 Oh, yeah.

00:36:43.000 On the steps of Montmartre and Petrie.

00:36:46.000 The last one, you know, as much as I love those guys, the last one was just so cartoony.

00:36:51.000 It's so hard to take seriously.

00:36:52.000 I'm okay with it. 0.99

00:36:53.000 You turn your brain off and stare. 0.98

00:36:55.000 I love the first one.

00:36:55.000 The first one's the best one.

00:36:57.000 Because the first one, all the motivations are clear.

00:36:59.000 Oh my god, they stole his car and killed his puppy.

00:37:01.000 Let's go!

00:37:02.000 Let's do it.

00:37:03.000 And then they build this world of the Continental and stuff, which was cool.

00:37:06.000 There was lore.

00:37:08.000 Those movies are the best.

00:37:09.000 You see Furiosa?

00:37:11.000 No.

00:37:12.000 What is Furiosa?

00:37:12.000 The new Mad Max?

00:37:14.000 No, I haven't seen it.

00:37:15.000 Bro.

00:37:15.000 Is it great?

00:37:16.000 You need to treat yourself.

00:37:17.000 Really?

00:37:17.000 Did you see the first, the most recent Mad Max before this?

00:37:20.000 Yes.

00:37:20.000 Remember how great it was and you left the theater going, movies are the best?

00:37:24.000 Yeah.

00:37:24.000 It's that again.

00:37:25.000 But they figured out how to do War 4 with like kites and stuff as well.

00:37:29.000 Oh.

00:37:29.000 Yeah, dude.

00:37:30.000 It's so good.

00:37:31.000 Oh, nice.

00:37:31.000 Okay, I'm in.

00:37:32.000 The whole movie was storyboarded, too, so it looks like a graphic novel.

00:37:35.000 Ooh.

00:37:36.000 Yeah, it's like the best graphic novel I've ever seen.

00:37:38.000 Oh, no kidding.

00:37:38.000 It's a movie.

00:37:39.000 I haven't heard anything about it.

00:37:41.000 It's so badass, dude.

00:37:42.000 Yeah, I think there's too much content today.

00:37:44.000 For sure.

00:37:45.000 It's very difficult for people to pay attention to everything.

00:37:47.000 Right.

00:37:47.000 But there's very few movies that are, like, actually something you need to see in the theater.

00:37:51.000 Right.

00:37:52.000 And I think this is one of those things.

00:37:53.000 I heard Dune 2 is one of those.

00:37:54.000 Yeah, if you can stay awake.

00:37:56.000 Oh, really?

00:37:56.000 I took so many edibles, went to Dune 2. I didn't make it past the previous, man.

00:38:00.000 I like ate all my Reese's Pieces and then was just zonked and my wife's punching me in the stomach. 1.00

00:38:04.000 Oh no, that's the worst.

00:38:06.000 Yeah, dude.

00:38:06.000 Well, you get in them comfy chairs like Sinopolis.

00:38:09.000 Yeah.

00:38:09.000 You know, the way you lean back and it's got the cup holder there.

00:38:12.000 You find yourself snoring.

00:38:14.000 Yeah, and you can vape in there now. 0.82

00:38:15.000 You have your weed pen.

00:38:16.000 Oh, really?

00:38:16.000 You can vape in there?

00:38:17.000 I mean, you can't vape in there, but you can vape in there.

00:38:20.000 Yeah, you can.

00:38:20.000 Yeah.

00:38:21.000 Yeah, I'm just like smoking live rosin and trying to stay alive.

00:38:24.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:38:25.000 I love movie theaters.

00:38:26.000 Yeah, movie theaters are great, especially for a comedy.

00:38:29.000 Because it really is like, the thing about comedy clubs, like last night I went to see Kill Tony, and I like watching shows now more than I ever have before, because you don't get a chance to do that when you're performing a lot.

00:38:42.000 You watch your friend do a set, but I sat and watched a show, and I've done that a bunch lately, watch a show.

00:38:49.000 And it makes you appreciate it from an audience's perspective.

00:38:51.000 Yeah.

00:38:52.000 Because I think we get too wrapped up in...

00:38:55.000 I think it's good to see it the other way, too.

00:38:57.000 See it as an audience member.

00:38:58.000 Just get a different perspective on what you're doing up there, too.

00:39:02.000 And how it feels to be in the audience.

00:39:05.000 Just to inform yourself.

00:39:06.000 That's valuable.

00:39:07.000 And also, that show's perfect because you're not worried about maybe someone's bit worming its way into your brain, and then you Robin Williams it later.

00:39:15.000 You know what I mean?

00:39:16.000 That's why Norton doesn't watch stand-up.

00:39:17.000 I can't watch it either.

00:39:18.000 Really?

00:39:19.000 Yeah, because when you riff a lot, I like improvising a lot on stage.

00:39:24.000 Every now and then, you'll tell someone's joke, and then it's that moment where you're like, I'll ask my feature, is that someone's bit?

00:39:33.000 Because you don't want to be that guy.

00:39:35.000 Yeah, that definitely can happen.

00:39:37.000 But the thing is, it's integrity.

00:39:39.000 Does it happen on purpose?

00:39:41.000 Does it just happen?

00:39:42.000 If it just happens, maybe you should figure out why.

00:39:45.000 Maybe work on something for your memory, or maybe just don't The problem is some ideas that you don't steal almost feel stolen.

00:39:55.000 I know.

00:39:55.000 Because this is the problem with creativity.

00:39:57.000 Because this is the concept of the muse, right?

00:39:59.000 That these ideas are just given to you by like the gods.

00:40:02.000 It kind of feels like that sometimes.

00:40:04.000 Like some bits, they'll arrive in your mind with a setup and a punchline.

00:40:09.000 Sacred knowledge.

00:40:10.000 Yeah, it is.

00:40:11.000 There's something going on there.

00:40:13.000 I know.

00:40:13.000 I don't know what it is.

00:40:14.000 I have a bizarre theory that ideas are actually a life form.

00:40:18.000 You think that they're energy?

00:40:19.000 I don't know what the word energy means.

00:40:22.000 The word energy means electricity, but it also means diesel engines.

00:40:27.000 It means a lot of things.

00:40:28.000 Like, where do you get energy from?

00:40:29.000 You get energy from the sun.

00:40:31.000 It's energy, sure.

00:40:33.000 But I think it makes stuff.

00:40:37.000 Everything you see on this table came from an idea.

00:40:39.000 It's like ideas get into our minds and then we make cars or we make planes or we make computers.

00:40:45.000 And then ideas, they build on each other.

00:40:47.000 You have to have all these other people's ideas and you pool those ideas together and create a new invention.

00:40:53.000 I think they're a life form.

00:40:54.000 I think they're a way that they force creative apes to manifest physical things. 0.98

00:41:01.000 As if there's like individual particles that might be an idea.

00:41:04.000 There's like an atom that's imbued with an idea, or a bit, and somehow that gets into you.

00:41:09.000 I think the muse is a real thing.

00:41:11.000 And I think it's the more time you spend thinking, you can kind of hear those calls.

00:41:17.000 The more time you spend alone writing and thinking and working on stuff, you hear those calls. 0.95

00:41:22.000 And those calls, like from the ether, from wherever the fuck it's coming from, those make their way onto your page. 0.73

00:41:28.000 And then there's real work involved too, where you're analyzing it. 0.94

00:41:32.000 Okay, how can I make that better?

00:41:33.000 Maybe the setup's too long.

00:41:35.000 Maybe it's too...

00:41:36.000 Like, maybe I should toss it and just readdress.

00:41:39.000 Like, I'll do that sometimes where I'll take a premise.

00:41:42.000 And it just...

00:41:43.000 Some of them just feel clunky, you know?

00:41:45.000 Like, you're trying to work it out, but they don't necessarily feel right.

00:41:49.000 And you're getting kind of laughs, but then you're doing it the same way over and over and over again.

00:41:53.000 And then that, like...

00:41:54.000 That wonder that you had when the bit is new dies and you're just repeating something.

00:41:58.000 Exactly.

00:41:59.000 And you can see the crowd lose interest in it.

00:42:01.000 Yeah, you're not connected to it, so why would they be?

00:42:03.000 Right.

00:42:03.000 So then sometimes with those kind of things, I will just throw it aside and rewrite the joke just on the premise.

00:42:11.000 So instead of using all the setup and the punchline, I'll say, There's got to be another way to address this topic.

00:42:17.000 Like, let me see.

00:42:17.000 So that, I think, is like real work.

00:42:19.000 That's real work where you're thinking and you're analyzing.

00:42:22.000 But the ideas themselves, like the structure of all comedy is an idea.

00:42:28.000 The structure of all comedy is like something comes to you.

00:42:31.000 There's a thought where either you see something and it's preposterous or you hear something and it's ridiculous or, you know, there's something.

00:42:41.000 And that's the framework.

00:42:42.000 And then upon that, you build a bit.

00:42:45.000 Right?

00:42:45.000 It's like that's the framing of the house.

00:42:47.000 You have the germ.

00:42:48.000 Yeah.

00:42:48.000 You have to water it.

00:42:50.000 Exactly.

00:42:50.000 Make sure it gets enough sunlight.

00:42:51.000 Exactly.

00:42:51.000 And then see which soils it grows better in.

00:42:54.000 That's why, like, there's a type of stealing that's, like, very insidious stealing.

00:42:58.000 Because they steal premises.

00:43:00.000 Like, you'll do a bit about, you know, getting your oil changed or something, whatever.

00:43:05.000 Or maybe something more obscure.

00:43:07.000 Right? 0.96

00:43:07.000 They'll do a bit about someone buying you fitted socks or whatever the fuck it is. 0.96

00:43:12.000 Yeah. 0.87

00:43:12.000 And then someone will... 0.87

00:43:14.000 I think I can write something on that, too.

00:43:16.000 Right, I can do it better.

00:43:17.000 I'm not stealing the punchline, so it's not stealing.

00:43:20.000 I'm just kind of twisting around this person's premise.

00:43:24.000 Have you ever heard Tom Waits talk about the muse?

00:43:26.000 No.

00:43:27.000 So he thinks the muse is like a real thing, like you're talking about.

00:43:30.000 It's like a vibe, for lack of a better term. 0.98

00:43:32.000 So there's all these stories about Tom Waits sitting in front of his piano for like 10 hours a day, just screaming, being like, all right, you bitch, I'm here. 0.98

00:43:40.000 I'm ready to do the work. 0.97

00:43:41.000 I'm in front of the piano.

00:43:42.000 Let's go.

00:43:43.000 Give me what I need.

00:43:44.000 I'm into the work right now.

00:43:46.000 Just like hammering on the piano and yelling at the muse, trying to like enchant it and bring it to him as he's like, just like literally making insane discordant noise.

00:43:55.000 And then out of nowhere, some chords fit together.

00:43:59.000 And then he has a song.

00:44:01.000 Yeah.

00:44:02.000 It's just so hard to know, right?

00:44:04.000 It's so hard to know what's going on.

00:44:06.000 Yeah, but you can't write a book unless you're in front of the typewriter.

00:44:09.000 You can't write a song unless you're in front of the keyboard.

00:44:11.000 All these guys are like, how do you write a book?

00:44:12.000 It's like, you have to be at the station where you do the work.

00:44:16.000 You can't just sit there and be like, oh man, I'm going to write a book one day.

00:44:19.000 No, sweat over the keys until you have a thousand words or whatever you need for that day to be done.

00:44:25.000 Because everyone wants to talk about, like, oh, I want to write this book.

00:44:28.000 And it's like, you telling me you want to write a book just set you back six months.

00:44:31.000 Because you get the same hit of adrenaline and dopamine by telling someone your idea as actually accomplishing that thing.

00:44:39.000 I think that's very dangerous to tell people you're doing stuff when you're not actually doing it.

00:44:43.000 I've talked about it too many times, but have you ever read Pressfield's War of Art?

00:44:47.000 No, I have not.

00:44:48.000 Oh, we have a copy of it for you then.

00:44:49.000 He sent us a box, because I used to give it to comics or any kind of creative person when they came on the podcast.

00:44:56.000 But Pressfield wrote this book, and he talks about the muse as if it's a real thing.

00:45:01.000 Pressfield was kind of like a ne'er-do-well until he was like 40. Kind of like was like half-assing it until he was 40 and then somewhere along the line he realized that it's just about being a professional and like showing up and so he started addressing the muse as a real thing yeah and then he wrote the legend of Bagger Vance and he wrote like some great screenplays and books and yeah and just became like very prolific well it's like we have we always count on inspiration to come into our lives but if you can kind of like Create

00:45:32.000 a situation where that inspiration is more easily available to you, whatever that is, it's playing your music, it's drinking coffee, however you can try and harness that ethereal thing that is inspiration, I think you can be a better creative.

00:45:47.000 And like you said, become more professional in creating.

00:45:49.000 Yeah.

00:45:50.000 There's also different ways that ideas come, right?

00:45:53.000 One of the things that Stephen King would do, a lot of people would do this, is they would write and then they would go for a walk.

00:45:59.000 So while you wrote everything, and now let's go for a walk and just think about what you wrote.

00:46:04.000 And he would have a little recorder and he would talk into it.

00:46:07.000 I've heard a bunch of writers say they do this.

00:46:08.000 Yeah, that was a big thing for me when I wrote my book was to write and then go on a walk and maybe smoke a little weed and then you see it all differently and you can come back and realize what was bullshit and like what was a complete waste of time and then go back in and try and address that and then also grow the things that were like a little idea but then you can expand upon them.

00:46:28.000 And it's literally just not being in front of the computer.

00:46:31.000 It's your eyes seeing real light, I think, is a big part of it.

00:46:34.000 Because I have to write, like, at my desk, in my computer.

00:46:37.000 But as soon as you get outside, you're like, oh, that's how light hits a tree at this time of day.

00:46:41.000 Or, like, that's actually lavender.

00:46:43.000 I was talking about lilac.

00:46:44.000 There's just all these little things that are...

00:46:47.000 I mean, romantic for sure, but also very applicable in concrete ways to your art.

00:46:52.000 I think it's also getting out makes your blood pump.

00:46:55.000 Oh, for sure.

00:46:56.000 You know, it's walking around.

00:46:57.000 I think the thing about walking is it's a very low-level cardio.

00:47:02.000 So, like, your heart is pumping, you're moving your body, but it's not exertion.

00:47:06.000 So you're not...

00:47:07.000 Because, like, when you're really tired, you can't...

00:47:09.000 Like, if somebody got you on an Airdyne bike and I started asking you questions, you have a...

00:47:15.000 You have like 10% of your brain capacity.

00:47:17.000 If you had to do an IQ test, if I had to do an IQ test when I was on a VersaClimber, it's probably 10. My IQ is 10. You're as smart as the VersaClimber.

00:47:28.000 You can't think! 1.00

00:47:29.000 You're fucking tired. 0.99

00:47:30.000 So you don't want to be tired when you're thinking things, but you also want to be a little bit energized. 0.99

00:47:36.000 And there's something about walking that just sort of, because the heart is not beating, you know, 60 beats a minute, now it might be beating 75 or 80 or just a little extra.

00:47:46.000 Just a little something.

00:47:47.000 So when you're walking around, you get that flow going through you.

00:47:50.000 Swimming's good for that, too.

00:47:51.000 Swimming's nice.

00:47:52.000 Yeah, you get in the pool, and all of a sudden, everything is changed.

00:47:55.000 You have a complete different perspective.

00:47:57.000 And you're just in there doing your laps, or even if you're just, like, floating.

00:48:01.000 Like, when I was in Vegas, I had to swim, because you can't walk around outside.

00:48:05.000 So I'd just be in the pool.

00:48:06.000 Yeah.

00:48:07.000 I remember there was this big fat dude and he was like, hey man, you're putting in the work, man.

00:48:11.000 And I was like, thanks, bro.

00:48:12.000 And he's like, just keep doing it, man.

00:48:13.000 This is good for you.

00:48:14.000 And then he got out of the pool and he had a giant swastika tattoo on his back.

00:48:17.000 Oh my god.

00:48:18.000 That's hilarious.

00:48:19.000 He was my pool buddy, though.

00:48:20.000 He was encouraging me.

00:48:22.000 Maybe he did time.

00:48:23.000 I think so.

00:48:23.000 He was trying to survive.

00:48:24.000 They probably did that to him while they were fucking him. 1.00

00:48:27.000 It wasn't just his thighs. 0.99

00:48:29.000 He wasn't receiving platonic knowledge. 1.00

00:48:31.000 Yeah, they're not being nice to you when they fuck you in jail, I heard. 1.00

00:48:34.000 I don't think so. 1.00

00:48:35.000 Especially when they put a swastika on your back. 0.99

00:48:37.000 Maybe that helped them cum. 0.99

00:48:38.000 Like, look, can we make it quicker if I can just put a swastika on your back? 0.99

00:48:46.000 It's hard to come, bro. 1.00

00:48:47.000 You got a big, stupid, hairy ass. 1.00

00:48:50.000 But if I could put a swastika on your back, I think I'd just nut immediately. 1.00

00:48:53.000 Give me a target, man. 0.86

00:48:54.000 Maybe you made a deal with them.

00:48:56.000 Okay.

00:48:56.000 Alright, sure.

00:48:57.000 That's really what's going to help make this quicker.

00:48:59.000 He was good in the water.

00:49:01.000 He was like a seal.

00:49:02.000 He's probably so happy to be in the water.

00:49:04.000 He never had water in jail. 1.00

00:49:05.000 You can't get fucked in the ass in water. 1.00

00:49:07.000 True. 1.00

00:49:07.000 Be very hard. 1.00

00:49:09.000 Especially in deep water.

00:49:10.000 Yeah.

00:49:10.000 Yeah, I mean, good luck.

00:49:12.000 How could he even be hard?

00:49:14.000 What was that, like, that...

00:49:15.000 Boat during, I think, the Pacific Theater of World War II. They sank it, and then they were in these shark-infested waters, and they just kept getting picked off, like you'd be floating with your buddy, and then all of a sudden he would just disappear forever.

00:49:30.000 Well, I heard on a podcast that also there was feverish homosexuality. 1.00

00:49:36.000 So dudes would be, like, on a plank of wood and just savage each other.

00:49:40.000 Really? 0.98

00:49:41.000 Yeah, and I don't remember why it was, but there was all these accounts of, like, dudes butt-fucking, raping each other on these, like, little planks of wood while other people were, like, bleeding out in the water and, like, their flesh is coming off from salt water and shit. 0.97

00:49:55.000 Yeah, I think I heard that on the last podcast on the left. 0.76

00:49:58.000 See if you can find anything on that.

00:50:00.000 Yeah.

00:50:01.000 I was already looking before he finished talking.

00:50:02.000 Oh, yeah. 0.98

00:50:03.000 He's got a lot of butt-fucking windows open over there. 1.00

00:50:07.000 Butt-fucking while getting eaten by sharks. 1.00

00:50:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:50:10.000 Wow. 0.99

00:50:11.000 Which one's worse?

00:50:11.000 I guess if you were in that sort of scenario, and especially for long periods of time, you're mine.

00:50:18.000 You just must be so overwhelmed with anxiety and fear and then acceptance and then sadness.

00:50:26.000 You're watching people around you getting killed. 0.99

00:50:29.000 The morbid fucking tissue floating in the water, whatever's left of your friends. 0.99

00:50:34.000 And also, if someone's bleeding, you get as far away from them as possible because the sharks are going to eat them. 0.99

00:50:40.000 It's probably just your brain trying to protect yourself, so it just reverts back to your very simian part of yourself, which is like hold someone down, overpower them, and get it out of you.

00:50:51.000 And all the other people, they're gonna die too. 1.00

00:50:53.000 We watched you fuck Harry. 1.00

00:50:56.000 Why'd you do that? 1.00

00:50:56.000 Harry said stop, and you kept going. 1.00

00:50:59.000 I thought we were all gonna die.

00:51:02.000 I didn't think anyone would be able to tell this story.

00:51:04.000 Sorry, bros.

00:51:04.000 This is the 1940s.

00:51:05.000 Meanwhile, I made it to a podcast in 2024. Uh-huh.

00:51:09.000 Wow.

00:51:09.000 We're not naming names.

00:51:10.000 No, I don't know any names.

00:51:12.000 I would gladly if I knew.

00:51:12.000 I would if I knew them.

00:51:13.000 Yeah.

00:51:14.000 I'd name their names.

00:51:14.000 Yeah, where's their plaque?

00:51:17.000 This guy buttfucked a bunch of people. 0.97

00:51:18.000 How about the guy who got buttfucked? 0.98

00:51:20.000 Not only did he watch all his friends get eaten by sharks, he also got buttfucked. 0.73

00:51:23.000 He got a purple heart and a purple sleeve.

00:51:24.000 And he's like, don't worry about it.

00:51:26.000 We're all going to be dead in an hour or two.

00:51:28.000 Take me!

00:51:28.000 And then they get rescued.

00:51:30.000 They're just tattooing swastikas on him. 0.97

00:51:35.000 And then when they get rescued, that guy who he buttfucked, hey! 1.00

00:51:39.000 What about what happened on the fucking raft, dude? 0.99

00:51:41.000 Sorry, man. 0.99

00:51:42.000 I lost my mind.

00:51:43.000 LA Times, I think.

00:51:45.000 I didn't sketch the year, but here you go.

00:51:47.000 Okay.

00:51:48.000 As the Indianapolis sailors struggled in the water, there was bravery and self-sacrifice, all vividly detailed by Vincent and Vladek.

00:51:56.000 There was also violence, cannibalism, and even sexual attacks.

00:52:01.000 In the water, the dead outnumbered the living.

00:52:03.000 Men continued to expire so quickly, it became almost impossible to move around without having to shoulder through shoals of corpses. 1.00

00:52:11.000 Holy fuck! 1.00

00:52:12.000 And then the sharks. 1.00

00:52:13.000 One moment they behaved like gentle and curious giants moving up close to inspect the men with black, unblinking eyes.

00:52:20.000 The next moment they attacked, their steel-trapped jaws snuffing out a man's life before he could draw a breath to scream.

00:52:27.000 It's making you pop up. 1.00

00:52:29.000 I'm not interested, you fucks. 1.00

00:52:31.000 I don't see anything else. 1.00

00:52:33.000 So the sexual attacks.

00:52:34.000 That's it?

00:52:36.000 Just a mere mention?

00:52:37.000 You'd think the LA Times would want to get involved in the more lurid details.

00:52:40.000 You'd sell a subscription.

00:52:41.000 You guys need to sell some subscriptions.

00:52:43.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:52:44.000 They apparently just let a bunch of people go, I would not want to be a fucking reporter right now. 0.98

00:52:48.000 No, but there's good journalism going on. 0.98

00:52:50.000 Oh yeah, but most of it's independent.

00:52:52.000 That Whitney Webb character.

00:52:53.000 She's a character.

00:52:54.000 She's cool.

00:52:55.000 Yeah, that lady knows a lot. 1.00

00:52:57.000 Mm-hmm.

00:52:57.000 And I don't know how she knows it all, but God, I'd be afraid if I were her.

00:53:00.000 Oh, yeah.

00:53:01.000 They're gonna disappear pretty quick.

00:53:02.000 I think she lives in another country.

00:53:03.000 Doesn't she?

00:53:04.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:53:05.000 Yeah, I watched her on a bunch of shows.

00:53:07.000 I watched her on Patrick, Bet David.

00:53:08.000 I watched her on...

00:53:10.000 I think she was on Jimmy Dore's show a few times.

00:53:12.000 She knows a lot.

00:53:15.000 I think Tim's got a direct line to her.

00:53:16.000 That's a wild thing to be focusing on.

00:53:20.000 The evil oligarchs and people in power of the world and how they've twisted everything throughout history.

00:53:28.000 You make yourself a real target.

00:53:30.000 The bloodlines. 1.00

00:53:31.000 Oh yeah, all that shit. 1.00

00:53:32.000 The bloodline stuff is wild. 1.00

00:53:34.000 It is.

00:53:34.000 That's really wild.

00:53:35.000 Tim like called her when we were in Europe.

00:53:37.000 I was opening for him in April over there.

00:53:39.000 And he really wanted to go to St. Petersburg, Russia to eat a meal at Gagol, which is like the best restaurant in the world, allegedly.

00:53:46.000 Oh, really?

00:53:46.000 So he called her.

00:53:47.000 He called Tucker Carlson, like trying to figure out how to get into Russia.

00:53:51.000 He even went to the State Department and they were like, no.

00:53:54.000 And he's like, I'll be there for three hours.

00:53:55.000 Come on, let us eat dinner.

00:53:57.000 We'll be fine.

00:53:58.000 You can watch us the whole time.

00:53:59.000 It'll be good.

00:53:59.000 They might snatch him up.

00:54:00.000 I think he'd be compromised.

00:54:02.000 And then I'd be the other guy.

00:54:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:54:03.000 They'd just think I was a fat prostitute. 1.00

00:54:06.000 I'll let a swastika on his back. 1.00

00:54:07.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:54:09.000 Tim Dillon and his cumboy arrested in St. Petersburg.

00:54:12.000 Tim would be so embarrassed.

00:54:14.000 I'm not his type at all.

00:54:15.000 At all.

00:54:16.000 That's hilarious.

00:54:18.000 Yeah, man.

00:54:18.000 That's hilarious.

00:54:19.000 Yeah, he's a wild boy.

00:54:20.000 He would want to go to Russia to eat.

00:54:22.000 That's so crazy.

00:54:23.000 And hey, I was all for it, dude.

00:54:24.000 I was like, yeah, let's go.

00:54:25.000 Yeah, you can't go over there.

00:54:26.000 No.

00:54:27.000 No.

00:54:27.000 We just signed a 10-year contract to supply them with weapons.

00:54:32.000 To supply Ukraine with weapons for the next 10 years.

00:54:35.000 Yeah.

00:54:36.000 I think this whole thing is...

00:54:40.000 It's terrifying to watch, but it's also a very clear money grab.

00:54:44.000 Yeah.

00:54:44.000 There's so much money going over there, and there's so much money we continue to send, and it's just like...

00:54:50.000 How is this okay with everybody?

00:54:53.000 I don't know.

00:54:53.000 How is anybody letting this happen?

00:54:55.000 Yeah.

00:54:56.000 I mean, the taxpayers are really holding the bag on it, too, you know?

00:54:59.000 Dave Smith had a wild suggestion.

00:55:01.000 What was that?

00:55:02.000 He's full of those.

00:55:03.000 He is.

00:55:04.000 He was doing a debate about...

00:55:07.000 About Russia and Ukraine and he said one of the ways to incentivize Russia to stop To stop attacking Ukraine is if we left NATO whoa, not only did should we?

00:55:20.000 Say that Ukraine is not going to join NATO, but we're gonna leave NATO I was like, whoa!

00:55:25.000 What would be the repercussions of that, though? 0.97

00:55:27.000 Who fucking knows? 0.98

00:55:29.000 We would just be a wondering... 0.99

00:55:30.000 Well, look at the repercussions of being a part of it.

00:55:32.000 Look at the repercussions of what's going on right now, because, you know, Dave is the best at explaining, and he'll credit Scott Horton and a lot of other people, but Dave is really good at recalling information, explaining how...

00:55:44.000 The whole red line with Putin was Ukraine joining NATO. They always knew that.

00:55:50.000 And they kept moving NATO-based countries.

00:55:54.000 They kept moving weapons closer and closer to Russia.

00:55:58.000 The whole thing was like they're baiting him to do this.

00:56:02.000 I just get so suspicious of military activity because I know that there's always going to be bad people in the world that you have to send good people to go fight.

00:56:14.000 That's always going to be the case, right?

00:56:16.000 The clearest, most pure version of that for us is always World War II. Right. 0.84

00:56:20.000 There's the Nazis. 1.00

00:56:21.000 We go over there and kill the Nazis. 1.00

00:56:23.000 The whole United States gets together and when it's over, there's that sailor kissing that girl. 1.00

00:56:28.000 Right.

00:56:28.000 And it's like, hey, this is why people sacrifice.

00:56:31.000 This is why America is so amazing, this country.

00:56:34.000 But that's not real.

00:56:36.000 That's only one example.

00:56:38.000 Most of the time, it's people figuring out a way to get defense contracts.

00:56:42.000 Or there's some cool resources that just so happen to be right there.

00:56:46.000 It just happens to be a lot of lithium in the area.

00:56:48.000 Yeah.

00:56:48.000 It's very convenient that they need democracy right now.

00:56:51.000 Yeah, and the same people that are telling you that Joe Biden's fine, that's how things get done.

00:56:59.000 Whether or not Joe Biden should be president or not president, let's put that aside for a second.

00:57:05.000 Everybody knows there's something wrong, right?

00:57:07.000 The people that are telling you there's not something wrong, the reason why they think they can do that is they do that with everything.

00:57:15.000 They do that with Venezuela, they do that with Yemen, they do that with Ukraine, they do that with everything. 0.98

00:57:21.000 They bullshit and gaslight depending on what the narrative is. 0.98

00:57:26.000 They're very creative with what facts. 0.99

00:57:27.000 And the facts change over time and they're not really, sometimes they don't even know.

00:57:33.000 Like one of the more interesting exchanges about the Ukraine war was with, of all people, Candace Owens.

00:57:40.000 So Candace Owens was talking about how corrupt Ukraine was. 0.99

00:57:44.000 So someone sends her a message from the New York Times, what evidence do you have that Ukraine is corrupt? 1.00

00:57:52.000 And she said, your own fucking newspaper. 0.99

00:57:54.000 And she sends them all these articles that were written previous to 2017 about rampant corruption in Ukraine, about Ukraine is like one of the most corrupt countries. 1.00

00:58:04.000 Before the narrative changed.

00:58:05.000 Yeah, before the narrative changed.

00:58:07.000 And now all of a sudden everyone has a Ukraine flag.

00:58:09.000 Like, yeah, Ukraine should not have been invaded. 0.99

00:58:11.000 Yeah, it's all fucked up. 1.00

00:58:12.000 It's horrible. 1.00

00:58:13.000 Hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians, they don't even know what the real number is, are probably dead.

00:58:17.000 Yeah, horrible.

00:58:18.000 But also, that was a corrupt country.

00:58:21.000 Like, just because Horrible things are done to them.

00:58:25.000 It's not justifying those horrible things.

00:58:27.000 But you can't pretend that Ukraine has always been this amazing country just because now we're supposed to support them because Russia did a horrible thing. 0.99

00:58:35.000 You gotta tell the fucking truth. 0.98

00:58:37.000 That's what being a journalist is. 1.00

00:58:38.000 We're not babies, but they treat us like babies.

00:58:41.000 Oh my god, they coddle us so much.

00:58:43.000 It's so...

00:58:43.000 Well, the whole thing during the pandemic.

00:58:45.000 You can't tell people about other things or about adverse reactions to vaccines because then it causes vaccine hesitancy.

00:58:53.000 Oh, you mean an informed opinion? 0.96

00:58:55.000 Are you fucking trying to stop informed opinions and a lot of them from, like, professors at Stanford and Harvard? 0.98

00:59:02.000 At least it's bananas. 0.99

00:59:03.000 Right.

00:59:03.000 And then there's, like, it's condescending.

00:59:05.000 Exactly.

00:59:05.000 You're talking down to these people that you're trying to get onto your side.

00:59:08.000 Exactly.

00:59:08.000 And a lot of them, if they're smart, will be like...

00:59:11.000 Come on, I'm not a baby. 0.99

00:59:13.000 Yeah, it's fucking annoying. 0.98

00:59:14.000 And the people that are doing it right now about Biden, they're telling you how you should vote, even though you know he's impaired, you definitely shouldn't vote for Trump. 1.00

00:59:23.000 Don't tell people that, you fucking idiot, because it's going to make more people angry and want to vote for Trump. 1.00

00:59:29.000 You are not going to convince anyone walking down the west side of New York City talking into your phone about what a threat Trump is to democracy. 1.00

00:59:39.000 You aren't changing anybody's fucking vote. 1.00

00:59:41.000 You're just being a condescending, scolding, liberal cunt, which is what drives everyone crazy. 1.00

00:59:48.000 Scolding for verbiage is like the worst thing that the liberal side does. 1.00

00:59:51.000 But the fucking conservatives used to do it too. 0.99

00:59:54.000 It's a human characteristic and this is what's important. 0.99

00:59:56.000 Everybody wants to get on this. 0.79

00:59:57.000 The liberals are bad. 0.97

00:59:59.000 The conservatives are bad. 1.00

01:00:00.000 It's bullshit. 1.00

01:00:01.000 It's all just a human behavior pattern. 0.99

01:00:03.000 We always want to tell people that they should behave and think and accept the truths that we have accepted.

01:00:10.000 You have to behave like us.

01:00:12.000 And if you don't, you're the enemy.

01:00:14.000 Right.

01:00:14.000 And it's not really that these people have these opinions oftentimes.

01:00:19.000 It's that they have subscribed to a predetermined set of opinions.

01:00:23.000 There's a narrative.

01:00:23.000 In order to be in this group.

01:00:25.000 There's a party line.

01:00:25.000 If you tell me how you feel about the Second Amendment, I can tell you how you feel about abortion.

01:00:30.000 Yeah.

01:00:30.000 Almost 80% of the time.

01:00:32.000 Right.

01:00:32.000 Which is wild.

01:00:33.000 Mm-hmm.

01:00:33.000 It's wild.

01:00:34.000 Oh, yeah.

01:00:34.000 These are two very complicated issues.

01:00:36.000 If you tell me how you feel about immigration, if you tell me how you feel about weapons, military spending, I can probably tell how you feel about God.

01:00:47.000 I can probably tell you what your religious leanings are.

01:00:50.000 It's just bizarre.

01:00:53.000 The reality of life is too open-ended and complex and fascinating and bizarre and majestic and immense.

01:01:01.000 And boundless.

01:01:02.000 Boundless.

01:01:02.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:01:03.000 Immense.

01:01:04.000 And more immense than we even thought it was.

01:01:06.000 Now they're looking into the James Webb telescope.

01:01:08.000 They're finding galaxies that are so big so long ago that they couldn't have existed.

01:01:14.000 Possibly in a short amount of time, which they were from the Big Bang.

01:01:18.000 So now they're starting to think that the universe is like maybe 10 billion years older than they thought it was.

01:01:24.000 Which is good.

01:01:24.000 Yeah, but it's still, it's like, what does that even mean?

01:01:27.000 It's too much.

01:01:28.000 There's like, division is really important to people in power because they keep us fighting each other instead of against the presidency or the government.

01:01:35.000 So back in the day, it was like racism, and there's still racism in this country, but like we're moving further, you know?

01:01:41.000 And then it was like class conflict, but now it's like everyone's poor, you know?

01:01:45.000 Yes.

01:01:45.000 So now it's like straight up Republicans versus Democrats, and you have to go to war with your neighbor over that thing.

01:01:51.000 Yeah.

01:01:51.000 It's like they're all the same.

01:01:52.000 They work for the same corporations, the same oligarchs are paying them off.

01:01:56.000 Exactly.

01:01:56.000 I mean, if voting works, they wouldn't let us vote.

01:01:58.000 Yeah.

01:01:59.000 You know, like it's not going to change anything.

01:02:01.000 Yeah, it works kind of.

01:02:02.000 Kind of, but I mean, it's still a big experiment.

01:02:05.000 And democracy is flawed, but it's still the best thing that we have, you know?

01:02:09.000 It's the best thing going, but the problem is we made a fatal flaw when we allowed them to use money.

01:02:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:02:16.000 That's the fatal flaw.

01:02:18.000 The fatal flaw is letting politics into money and lobbyists and special interest groups and corporations donate to political candidates.

01:02:25.000 As soon as we did that, that should be illegal.

01:02:27.000 We should think of it as a bribe.

01:02:29.000 Yeah.

01:02:29.000 It is a bribe.

01:02:30.000 It is a bribe.

01:02:31.000 100% a bribe.

01:02:31.000 Especially in this day and age, everything should be supported 100% by the people for the people.

01:02:38.000 That's only how it should be.

01:02:40.000 And if we find out that corporations are involved, or the corporations are even suggesting that people should be involved, we should fine them.

01:02:47.000 It should be illegal.

01:02:49.000 The people that want to do it should be put in jail. 0.97

01:02:51.000 You're trying to affect the election.

01:02:53.000 It's really election interference.

01:02:56.000 It should be illegal.

01:02:57.000 Instead, it's like par for the course.

01:02:59.000 Right, it's just another tactic.

01:03:00.000 Corruption is a tactic. 1.00

01:03:02.000 Which is fucked. 0.99

01:03:03.000 It's funny because I used to live in an anarchist commune in upstate New York. 0.99

01:03:07.000 Yeah, when I was from like 18 to 22. How did you get involved in that?

01:03:11.000 My best friend from high school moved to Ithaca to go to college.

01:03:15.000 And we were in bands together.

01:03:17.000 So I was like...

01:03:19.000 College sucked, you know, so I went to school in Denver and then I went out there to stay with him and we like wrote like 12 songs over like two weeks and Then I was like, well, I'm not gonna stay in school.

01:03:30.000 I'm gonna move up here.

01:03:31.000 So we got this place We shared a closet in an anarchist commune called Goblin House And like when we moved in, this dude named Bob Wolf Young 2, he had the number 2 in his last name.

01:03:42.000 What?

01:03:43.000 Yeah, he like changed his name.

01:03:45.000 His name was Bob Wolf, was his first name, and then Young, like J-U-N-G 2. Oh, wow. 0.55

01:03:50.000 Great guy.

01:03:50.000 But I remember when he showed us the room, he was like, this is where you will sleep.

01:03:54.000 And I just wanted to know... 0.98

01:03:55.000 Are you guys up to group sex? 0.99

01:03:58.000 No, dude. 0.92

01:03:59.000 We just want to have the practice space.

01:04:01.000 It was an abattoir.

01:04:03.000 It was an old slaughterhouse.

01:04:04.000 So we were living with these people that would sign their rent checks in blood.

01:04:09.000 We were dumpstering everything.

01:04:11.000 I learned to kill chickens and stuff.

01:04:13.000 Wow.

01:04:14.000 But on the commune, like, those people have almost the exact same tenets and ideals as the, you know, your preppers, your doomsday guys who want to, like, build a compound and protect themselves against the government.

01:04:26.000 Like, they're, like, back-to-back.

01:04:27.000 If they would just turn around the far left and the far right, they'd realize that, like, they're fighting for the same things.

01:04:31.000 Yes.

01:04:32.000 They share so many similar behavior patterns.

01:04:36.000 That's what it is.

01:04:37.000 It's like we're talking about jokes.

01:04:40.000 The jokes are like a scaffolding, like the ideas of scaffolding and the jokes you create around them.

01:04:44.000 You create the punchlines and the taglines around the idea.

01:04:47.000 That's what these guys are doing.

01:04:49.000 It's the same thing.

01:04:50.000 Like, they have human behavior patterns, and then they attach to it equity and inclusion and, you know, all these different thoughts about Christian nationalism and, you know, protect our borders and, you know, God save Trump.

01:05:05.000 It's the same thing.

01:05:06.000 Yeah.

01:05:07.000 It's really the same thing.

01:05:08.000 Like, what it is is just, like, you've attached natural human behavior patterns to an ideology.

01:05:13.000 And you don't think it's an ideology.

01:05:15.000 Because this is the thing about cults.

01:05:16.000 Nobody in a cult thinks they're in a cult.

01:05:18.000 No.

01:05:18.000 They're like, this is the way to live.

01:05:21.000 This is the way to live.

01:05:22.000 Yeah, they're seeing through the veil in that cult.

01:05:23.000 They're the only ones who are living a justified light.

01:05:26.000 Did I tell you the cult story about the place that I initially bought before we bought the Ritz?

01:05:30.000 I think I heard trickles of this story, but not directly from you.

01:05:33.000 Adam Egott is the one who saved me.

01:05:35.000 This is what happened. 1.00

01:05:36.000 So Ron White fucked me. 1.00

01:05:38.000 So Ron White... 0.99

01:05:40.000 We had just gotten here and we realized, I was like, we need a place.

01:05:45.000 We cannot be out here just doing a bunch of random clubs.

01:05:50.000 The thing about the Comedy Store that I recognized very early on is it's home base.

01:05:56.000 And the comics need a home base.

01:05:58.000 And the way everybody was developing, one of the things that helped us is if I'm on the road, I don't get to see Bill Burr's hour.

01:06:04.000 No.

01:06:05.000 I'm on the road.

01:06:05.000 He's on the road somewhere else.

01:06:06.000 I don't get to see Dave Chappelle.

01:06:08.000 But when we're in town together, then we could all see each other's sets.

01:06:12.000 So we would all like, and then hang together and talk.

01:06:17.000 So I was like, all right, we need a spot.

01:06:18.000 And so Ron goes, you should buy that place that cult owned. 0.99

01:06:21.000 I fucking performed there. 1.00

01:06:22.000 I killed. 1.00

01:06:23.000 It was beautiful. 0.68

01:06:24.000 It's a beautiful theater.

01:06:25.000 I think it's for sale.

01:06:26.000 I was like, wow, a theater that a cult owned?

01:06:29.000 That'll be fun.

01:06:30.000 Yeah.

01:06:30.000 And then Adam calls me up after I already signed paperwork and everything.

01:06:33.000 Adam calls, hey man, did you watch the documentary on that cult?

01:06:39.000 I'm like, do you have a documentary?

01:06:40.000 That's not good.

01:06:41.000 No, it's bad.

01:06:43.000 The documentary's called Holy Hell. 0.99

01:06:45.000 And the guy who was the cult member, the cult leader, was a gay porn star who was also a hypnotist. 0.99

01:06:52.000 Oh, those are two of the worst things you can be. 1.00

01:06:58.000 This fucking guy, he changed his name multiple times. 0.99

01:07:02.000 His original name was Jaime Gomez. 1.00

01:07:04.000 He was actually an extra in Roseanne's Baby, or Rosemary's Baby.

01:07:07.000 All right.

01:07:08.000 He was like in one of the scenes in the end of Rosemary's Baby. 0.99

01:07:11.000 So he's an actor, and so did gay porn. 0.98

01:07:15.000 And then he teaches yoga class, because he's a beautiful man. 1.00

01:07:20.000 He's like a six-pack and sculpted face.

01:07:22.000 He's got to be hot to run a call.

01:07:23.000 He was hot as hell.

01:07:25.000 Just had this cult going for a long time in West Hollywood, but then Waco popped off. 0.99

01:07:31.000 So then the Cult Awareness Network had been getting, like, parents would be saying, where the fuck is my kid? 0.94

01:07:37.000 And they would be in this cult, and so, like, people were starting to, like, investigate him. 0.99

01:07:41.000 So to throw people off the track, this fucking guy moves to Austin, changes his name again, and then has his followers build him this beautiful theater where he could dance in front of them. 0.98

01:07:52.000 Just for dancing? 1.00

01:07:53.000 Just for dancing.

01:07:54.000 And hypnotism?

01:07:55.000 And that's the place I bought.

01:07:59.000 So it all falls apart. 0.98

01:08:01.000 It all falls apart years later when one guy sends out a mass email saying, hey, this guy's been hypnotizing me and buttfucking me for the past 10 years. 0.99

01:08:10.000 And then everybody starts comparing notes and they're like, oh my god, he's fucking me too. 0.97

01:08:14.000 And like, this guy was just paying, you'd have to pay him. 1.00

01:08:17.000 To buttfuck you? 1.00

01:08:18.000 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:08:18.000 For the privilege? 1.00

01:08:19.000 For the privilege. 1.00

01:08:20.000 So you would come to him for therapy, you would have to give him $50, and then he would give you his therapy and then he'd fuck you. 0.99

01:08:28.000 I mean, maybe he knows some stuff we don't know. 0.99

01:08:32.000 Maybe he was helping people.

01:08:33.000 I don't think so.

01:08:34.000 No?

01:08:34.000 No, I think people are just...

01:08:35.000 I'm an optimist.

01:08:36.000 I think human beings have a thing in us that makes us want to believe nonsense.

01:08:42.000 Yeah.

01:08:43.000 When we're looking for some kind of solution to the chaos that we're surrounded by.

01:08:48.000 Exactly.

01:08:48.000 And that could...

01:08:49.000 Manifest itself in you being a die-hard Democrat that don't think there's anything wrong with Joe Biden and Joe Biden's his age is his strength.

01:08:57.000 He's sundowning up there. 0.99

01:08:59.000 His fucking wife was on TV talking about his performance and she was saying that he's sharp as a dac. 1.00

01:09:03.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00

01:09:04.000 Have you seen it?

01:09:06.000 Have you seen Joe Biden get interviewed?

01:09:08.000 Yeah.

01:09:08.000 She was with him, right?

01:09:10.000 Yeah.

01:09:11.000 And he's just standing behind her like a wax figure.

01:09:12.000 You did so good, Joe!

01:09:15.000 You answered every question!

01:09:17.000 He's like, Did I? Oh yeah, I did.

01:09:20.000 I did.

01:09:21.000 I'm the best.

01:09:21.000 Poor guy.

01:09:22.000 He's like me if I was on a VersaClimber.

01:09:25.000 That's where he's at right now.

01:09:27.000 That's him leading the country.

01:09:29.000 What?

01:09:29.000 Huh?

01:09:31.000 Yeah, he's obliterated. 1.00

01:09:32.000 But believing that that guy's okay is the same thing as believing that this gay porn star who's a hypnotist is really like... 0.99

01:09:40.000 You know what's really wild about the documentary? 0.97

01:09:42.000 He had this thing that he would do to them called the knowing and you had to earn it somehow.

01:09:48.000 You had to like, you know, be on the right path for long enough and he would give you this thing where he would It was a ritual, and during the ritual, he had put his hands on you.

01:09:59.000 And to this day, the people that had it, even the people that complained about him, were in the documentary talking about this guy was just evil and manipulative.

01:10:07.000 They said that in that moment, they felt God.

01:10:11.000 When his hands were upon him?

01:10:12.000 I mean, he's really intense.

01:10:14.000 These intense burning eyes.

01:10:16.000 Puts his hands on their knees and they're like...

01:10:18.000 So it's like there was an endogenous release of psychedelic chemicals that was through this moment, this ritual thing, the power of suggestion and whatever the vibe that the two of them have.

01:10:35.000 Clearly hypnosis as well.

01:10:37.000 He locks on to this person and these people were like... 0.93

01:10:42.000 Just writhing in, like, in orgasms, in just ecstasy, just like, and to this day, they're all taught, even though they're saying he was bullshit, they were like, that moment when that happened to me, it changed me forever. 0.63

01:10:54.000 Wow, so he could, like, somehow make them release, like, the DMT or the oxytocin that's in their brains, and they were flooded. 0.94

01:11:01.000 Yep, all that.

01:11:02.000 All that and more.

01:11:03.000 That's good hypnotism.

01:11:03.000 Probably, I mean, we're isolating specific things like, you know, dopamine, serotonin, DMT. There's all these different things that people are...

01:11:10.000 But I have a feeling the real cocktail, what's really up, is everything all together.

01:11:15.000 Yeah.

01:11:15.000 That's probably the real, like, whatever it is that you have when you have near-death experiences.

01:11:21.000 They're all the most potent psychedelic chemicals known to man that your brain makes.

01:11:25.000 Just a Long Island iced tea of brain chemicals.

01:11:28.000 Boom! 0.99

01:11:28.000 And your brain's afloat in it. 0.99

01:11:29.000 Yeah, and it's a fucking 4th of July fireworks display inside of there. 1.00

01:11:32.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:11:33.000 And it just pops off.

01:11:34.000 And this guy knew how to get people to experience it just from this thing.

01:11:38.000 See if you can find video of him doing that.

01:11:40.000 I envy those people.

01:11:41.000 I do a little, too.

01:11:42.000 To feel something that transcendent on Earth?

01:11:44.000 Right.

01:11:44.000 Like, if you could just, like, believe it enough...

01:11:47.000 That this guy can just do that to you?

01:11:49.000 I don't believe in anything.

01:11:50.000 I believe in, like, me and my friends and my family and, like, the community that I can build.

01:11:54.000 But, like, it's really hard to have any faith in anything bigger than myself.

01:11:57.000 Well, you have to have an open mind, right?

01:11:59.000 But you also can't...

01:12:00.000 I think I do.

01:12:00.000 You can't really believe anything there's no evidence for.

01:12:03.000 Like, a lot of my ideas about how the universe works and how everything works and karma and life and energy is just an idea.

01:12:10.000 Do you believe in karma?

01:12:11.000 I don't know what it means.

01:12:13.000 So, I don't think that necessarily...

01:12:18.000 Like if you do something, something will happen to you.

01:12:21.000 Yeah.

01:12:21.000 But I do think that if you do something evil, you're aware that you do something evil, and I think your existence is poisoned because of that.

01:12:30.000 And I think you will forever run into bad situations because you will be filled with bad thoughts and bad energy.

01:12:39.000 You take on like a psychic cancer?

01:12:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:12:41.000 That attracts other? 0.74

01:12:42.000 Yes, I think that's real.

01:12:44.000 I don't think altruism is real at all.

01:12:46.000 I think there's some real altruism, and it's usually between people that know each other.

01:12:51.000 Yeah, but okay.

01:12:52.000 Kindness and generosity.

01:12:54.000 But is that altruism, or is that just doing the right thing for your community?

01:12:57.000 Well, I always say that being generous is selfish.

01:13:01.000 It is, because it makes you feel good.

01:13:02.000 Yeah, it makes you feel good.

01:13:03.000 It elevates you.

01:13:04.000 But it also is really a good thing to do, because it makes other people feel really good.

01:13:07.000 If there's no altruism, it's okay if you're still doing the right thing.

01:13:10.000 If you get off on it, you still benefited someone else.

01:13:13.000 You do, but why should you not benefit while they're benefiting too?

01:13:17.000 As long as you're not being selfish and narcissistic about it, why don't you just do it?

01:13:22.000 Yeah, of course it feels good to make people feel good.

01:13:24.000 But it also makes them feel good, so you should do it.

01:13:26.000 You should not not make them feel good because you're worried it's going to make you feel good and they're selfish.

01:13:31.000 That seems silly.

01:13:32.000 Well, you have to share what you have based on how much you have.

01:13:34.000 Because when I was poor, it was like my friends, my best friends, would have like half a joint.

01:13:39.000 And they would smoke that half a joint with me.

01:13:41.000 Yeah.

01:13:41.000 And now that I have, like, more resources compared to some of my friends, I'm always buying meals and, like, you know, that kind of thing.

01:13:48.000 And they're like, hey, man, you don't have to do this.

01:13:50.000 And it's like, well, you rode with me when we had $8 to rub together.

01:13:54.000 Yeah.

01:13:54.000 And now I have more than $8, so, like, I'm glad to be able to do this for you.

01:13:58.000 Yeah, the difference between being able to pay for a meal easy and not thinking about it where you're wondering how much things cost and you're adding it all up in your head, that's a huge difference.

01:14:10.000 The alleviation of that is the most important thing.

01:14:13.000 Brian Callen said that to me once.

01:14:14.000 He said the real wealth is like when you go to a restaurant and you don't worry about what anything costs.

01:14:20.000 100%. 1.00

01:14:21.000 Once you get past that, he goes, it's all bullshit. 0.99

01:14:23.000 And I'm like, I think he's right. 0.99

01:14:24.000 That is very profound.

01:14:26.000 Yeah.

01:14:27.000 I agree with that.

01:14:28.000 No matter where you live, your house just feels like your house. 0.94

01:14:31.000 If you have to spend $10 million for a house, or if you just have a fucking two-bedroom apartment that's quiet and not dangerous, you know, it's just house. 0.95

01:14:39.000 It's home. 0.98

01:14:40.000 I have a hard time feeling at home anywhere.

01:14:42.000 Because of the road?

01:14:43.000 Because of the road, man.

01:14:44.000 Yeah, I mean, I've been on the road since I was with the band first, and then stand-up real hard.

01:14:48.000 And now, like...

01:14:50.000 Like, the last six months of last year, my wife and I didn't have an address.

01:14:54.000 We were just, like, living on the road, and it was romantic.

01:14:57.000 Oh, wow.

01:14:57.000 But it was so daunting, dude.

01:15:00.000 I remember my sister was like, what do you want to do for New Year's?

01:15:02.000 And I was like, what if we just got, like, an Airbnb and, like, cooked dinner and hung out?

01:15:05.000 And she's like, oh, so your idea of a party is, like, living in a home? 0.99

01:15:08.000 You need to fucking move somewhere, man. 0.98

01:15:11.000 So we, like, tried it. 0.99

01:15:13.000 You know, we did two months abroad last year doing shows and shit, and she came with me, and it was great.

01:15:19.000 But now we bought a house in Detroit, and I'm really happy about it, but I don't ever know if I'll really feel comfortable when I'm not in motion.

01:15:27.000 That's interesting.

01:15:28.000 It's like it's good.

01:15:29.000 All my dreams are coming true, but then you have to realize like who you are isn't gonna be fixed by everything you wanted happening.

01:15:36.000 Right.

01:15:37.000 You still have to like figure out what's the root cause of you.

01:15:39.000 You know, it's Wednesday and you're like, I've been home for two days. 0.96

01:15:42.000 God, I can't wait to get to fucking Batavia, you know? 0.87

01:15:45.000 But isn't it because you love what you do? 0.99

01:15:48.000 I do.

01:15:49.000 And you're good at what you do.

01:15:50.000 I really love what I do.

01:15:51.000 Yeah.

01:15:52.000 I'm super grateful to be a comic.

01:15:53.000 There's that, right?

01:15:54.000 Yeah.

01:15:55.000 And that's, like, the way to do that is, like, you kinda gotta do the road.

01:15:59.000 I think so.

01:16:00.000 You kinda gotta do the road!

01:16:01.000 And, like, for a long time, it was like, I couldn't get booked in these rooms.

01:16:04.000 But now I can.

01:16:05.000 So it's like Mitch Hedberg said, like, he wouldn't say no to gigs because he remembers five years previous when he couldn't get those gigs.

01:16:11.000 And that's me right now. 0.64

01:16:12.000 It's like, I worked, like, fucking 49 weekends last year or something. 0.98

01:16:16.000 Wow. 0.98

01:16:16.000 You know? 0.98

01:16:17.000 And some of those, like, a lot of those were, like, different continents and shit. 0.99

01:16:20.000 Wow. 0.98

01:16:20.000 But I love it. 0.98

01:16:21.000 I'm not complaining.

01:16:22.000 I'm just like, this is a new thing with the buying of the home and the moving to the home of me being like, what does being at peace look like for me?

01:16:31.000 Because I'm used to existing in chaos.

01:16:34.000 I'm used to being constantly going forward.

01:16:36.000 And you enjoy it.

01:16:37.000 I love it, dude.

01:16:38.000 Yeah, that's there's nothing wrong with that Nothing wrong with that.

01:16:41.000 So the thing is like people will tell you because of a narrative Like a from a movie or a book that you're supposed to settle down somewhere.

01:16:51.000 Yeah says who?

01:16:53.000 Listen, there's a reason why there's flights and hotels Because people like to travel places right stay and they don't have a house there. 0.99

01:17:00.000 Yeah, so they go to the fucking hotel. 0.86

01:17:02.000 Yeah, it's simple It's there set up for you, and if you take advantage of it, it's fun. 0.99

01:17:08.000 That's what you enjoy.

01:17:09.000 Some people don't enjoy it at all.

01:17:12.000 The real problem with the travel all the time is your health, because it fucks up your sleeping, it fucks up your eating schedule, it fucks up a lot of stuff.

01:17:21.000 And then there's a sense of loneliness and desolation on the road that you try to fill in with booze or drugs or...

01:17:27.000 Unless you travel with friends.

01:17:28.000 And I do now.

01:17:29.000 I gotta bring my own feature, and it's the best.

01:17:31.000 And he hasn't drank for eight years.

01:17:33.000 I pump the brakes on boozing, you know?

01:17:36.000 I'm like drinking with purpose now when I do drink.

01:17:39.000 Not just like 15 million lights every night.

01:17:41.000 I drink with purpose.

01:17:42.000 Yeah, it's like... 0.99

01:17:42.000 My purpose is to get fucked up. 0.99

01:17:43.000 Well, I know, but I... And that's a valuable purpose. 0.99

01:17:48.000 But when you're just doing the Friday early show and you've already had seven beers, and then you wake up Saturday and you're hungover and you're like, well, I guess I have to have 12 more beers tonight to get normal.

01:17:58.000 And you're not even getting drunk.

01:17:59.000 You're drinking Miller Lite and you're just confused and bloated.

01:18:02.000 That's all you get out of it.

01:18:03.000 Well, you lost a lot of weight.

01:18:05.000 I did, yeah.

01:18:05.000 I'm down like 50 pounds this year.

01:18:06.000 That's awesome.

01:18:07.000 Congratulations.

01:18:08.000 Thanks, man. 0.99

01:18:08.000 That's fucking huge. 0.99

01:18:10.000 I have to. 0.98

01:18:10.000 I love being alive. 0.98

01:18:12.000 Yes, please stay alive.

01:18:13.000 I love being alive.

01:18:14.000 We need more funny people.

01:18:15.000 Thanks, man.

01:18:16.000 Are you just hitting the brakes on booze?

01:18:19.000 That's all you had to do?

01:18:20.000 Hitting the brakes on booze.

01:18:21.000 Well, that's 1,500 calories in pure sugar that I'm not taking in every four days out of the week.

01:18:26.000 Wow.

01:18:26.000 So that's great.

01:18:27.000 And then also eating better and then movement.

01:18:31.000 Moving around.

01:18:32.000 I spent a lot of time outside.

01:18:34.000 And now that we're actually going to be in a home, the wait set's going back in.

01:18:39.000 There's a pool in the neighborhood.

01:18:41.000 Because for so long it was like I had nothing.

01:18:43.000 And I was just so desperate for something like, okay, I'm sleeping on this guy's floor tonight in Springfield, Missouri.

01:18:49.000 I have a roof.

01:18:50.000 I would go on stage and be like, hey, I don't have a place to stay.

01:18:53.000 No way!

01:18:53.000 Because I didn't want to spend the $40 on a hotel, dude.

01:18:56.000 Wow.

01:18:56.000 So you'd be telling people, can I stay at your house?

01:19:00.000 I wouldn't even ask.

01:19:00.000 I would just say on stage, like, you look rich.

01:19:02.000 Can I stay in the boathouse? 1.00

01:19:04.000 And they'd be like, all right, get in here, you crazy kid. 0.99

01:19:07.000 That's amazing. 0.98

01:19:08.000 Yeah.

01:19:08.000 And that's how I survived on the road for, like, ever.

01:19:10.000 Wow.

01:19:11.000 So how many times do you think you did that?

01:19:13.000 Countless.

01:19:14.000 That was my move.

01:19:15.000 That was straight up my move.

01:19:16.000 And you stayed in people's houses.

01:19:18.000 Yeah, because I learned it from punk rock.

01:19:20.000 We would play only all-ages shows, so you would either stay in the venue, you'd stay in the squat, or someone would bring you home and you'd hear them have a conversation with their girlfriend in the next room, and then she'd be loud and he'd be...

01:19:31.000 You guys gotta be held by 6am.

01:19:34.000 But we had a roof over our head.

01:19:36.000 Wow.

01:19:36.000 And then you had the next day.

01:19:38.000 And that sense of purpose that you have on the road is so pure.

01:19:41.000 You have a destination that night.

01:19:42.000 You have a thing you need to accomplish.

01:19:44.000 Right, right, right.

01:19:45.000 And luckily, I really admired SST records, early 80s hardcore.

01:19:54.000 That's where I came from.

01:19:55.000 And I remember reading, I think it was Henry Rollins' book, Get in the Van, where the first trip he did with Black Flag, they practiced for like two months in LA, and they got real good when he joined the band. 0.99

01:20:06.000 And then their first tour date was in Oklahoma, and like 12 kids came, and he was like, fuck this, why are we working so hard, this sucks. 0.98

01:20:14.000 And then the bass player, Chuck Dukowski, was like, no, no, no. 0.98

01:20:17.000 It's not their fault that no one else showed up.

01:20:20.000 We're going to give them Black Flag. 0.94

01:20:21.000 They came to see Black Flag, we're giving them Black Flag. 0.95

01:20:24.000 And that defined my experience doing stand-up, where it's like, yeah, I would go do the show, there'd be 20 people there, but the next time I go to Omaha, there's going to be 40 people there, because I fucking left it all on the field.

01:20:35.000 I was crushing just so I could survive.

01:20:38.000 It was a survival mechanism.

01:20:40.000 And I think that that really helped me in my career, because I, like, had so much at stake every show.

01:20:46.000 Yeah, isn't it an interesting thing, like, if you go to a show and there's only 100 people and it's a 300-seat venue, you're upset that only 100 people...

01:20:53.000 But that's 100 people that paid money to came out to see you.

01:20:57.000 Treat them.

01:20:58.000 Treat them like you're so happy they're there.

01:21:01.000 Appreciate them.

01:21:03.000 Like, don't...

01:21:04.000 God, we're so caught up in keeping up with the Joneses. 1.00

01:21:06.000 It's so dumb. 1.00

01:21:08.000 That's another dumb human resource-based instinct. 1.00

01:21:12.000 Comparison. 0.99

01:21:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:21:13.000 Oh, it's the worst.

01:21:14.000 It's the death of happiness.

01:21:14.000 Yep.

01:21:15.000 Yeah.

01:21:15.000 It's a great quote.

01:21:16.000 Yeah.

01:21:17.000 I think that's Thoreau.

01:21:18.000 I think it's Thoreau.

01:21:19.000 Yeah.

01:21:20.000 Isn't it?

01:21:21.000 Probably.

01:21:22.000 He's always saying cool stuff. 0.99

01:21:23.000 He said a lot of cool shit out in that pond. 0.92

01:21:25.000 But it's like you can't compare yourself to your friends. 0.99

01:21:27.000 No.

01:21:28.000 Like if I compared myself to Shane, I would be like crestfallen.

01:21:32.000 Right.

01:21:32.000 What I am is happy for Shane.

01:21:34.000 And his rise is so good for comedy in general.

01:21:36.000 And he's been so generous.

01:21:38.000 You know, he put my special on his channel.

01:21:40.000 Like he doesn't have to do any of these things.

01:21:41.000 Right.

01:21:42.000 And I told Shane that he's inherently punk rock and he rolled his eyes.

01:21:45.000 You know, because he's from the middle of Pennsylvania and punk rock's for homos or whatever. 1.00

01:21:49.000 You know?

01:21:50.000 But I was like, oh.

01:21:50.000 Punk rock's for that guy with the queer tattoo.

01:21:52.000 Exactly, yeah.

01:21:53.000 That guy's punk rock, but so is Shane's ethos.

01:21:55.000 He brought his friends with him.

01:21:57.000 He built this stuff.

01:21:57.000 He did everything independently.

01:21:59.000 Is this Twain?

01:22:00.000 Nice.

01:22:01.000 No way, really.

01:22:02.000 I wonder where he stole it from.

01:22:03.000 Interesting.

01:22:05.000 Okay.

01:22:07.000 Comparison is the thief of joy.

01:22:09.000 Yeah, thief's a better word.

01:22:11.000 The death of joy.

01:22:12.000 Roosevelt said thief of joy.

01:22:14.000 But who was first?

01:22:16.000 I don't know.

01:22:17.000 Who was before...

01:22:18.000 When was Roosevelt?

01:22:21.000 Roosevelt was post-Twane.

01:22:23.000 Post-Twane.

01:22:23.000 Yeah.

01:22:24.000 So you probably heard it from Twane and snatched it a la Joe Biden.

01:22:28.000 Have you ever heard what Twain did for Ulysses S. Grant?

01:22:31.000 No.

01:22:31.000 So like Grant's the president, but everyone thinks he's this like insane booze bag because he got busted being drunk one time on watch.

01:22:39.000 So he becomes president, leads the Union Army, but then the money wears out. 0.98

01:22:44.000 So he's like on a train, Ulysses S. Grant, and fucking... 0.98

01:22:49.000 Oh, and his brother, like, spent all of his money. 1.00

01:22:51.000 His son was a total fuck-up. 0.99

01:22:52.000 Like, he has no cash. 0.99

01:22:53.000 And this guy's like, hey, would you write your memoir, and I'll publish it for my publishing company, and I'll give you, like, a thousand bucks.

01:22:58.000 And Ulysses S. Grant's like, for sure.

01:23:00.000 That's awesome.

01:23:02.000 And then Twain hears this, and he's like, don't sign that deal.

01:23:05.000 I'll publish your book myself, and you'll make so much more money.

01:23:09.000 And Ulysses S. Grant was like, but I made a promise to a man, and I am a man, and I must honor my word.

01:23:13.000 And Twain's like, okay.

01:23:15.000 Pump the brakes on that, Ulysses.

01:23:17.000 So he publishes Ulysses S. Grant's book and it becomes a national bestseller and changed his life and gave him all this money.

01:23:24.000 Oh, wow.

01:23:25.000 Yeah.

01:23:26.000 And they would have sold him down the river.

01:23:27.000 They would have given him a thousand bucks to have a bestselling novel.

01:23:30.000 Wow.

01:23:31.000 You know, or not novel, memoir.

01:23:31.000 That's right.

01:23:32.000 I had heard about that.

01:23:33.000 Yeah.

01:23:34.000 Mark Twain was, I think he was the first comic.

01:23:36.000 I agree.

01:23:36.000 Yeah.

01:23:37.000 Right?

01:23:37.000 I think so.

01:23:38.000 Because he would read funny things in front of people and they would laugh.

01:23:40.000 And he had to because he didn't have any money.

01:23:42.000 Oh, yeah?

01:23:43.000 It's like when Jeremy Piven hits the road, you So when Twain did that, he didn't have money back then?

01:23:48.000 I think he...

01:23:49.000 Well, publishing deal...

01:23:51.000 He was the first, like, dude who harnessed the reins of his own production and, like, writing.

01:23:55.000 I think Dickens did that to a certain degree, too, but he owned the publishing, and he would, like, sell it himself.

01:24:00.000 But then he hit the road.

01:24:01.000 I can't remember why, but I think it was a cash grab.

01:24:04.000 And he did these public speaking engagements where he would do bits and stuff.

01:24:08.000 No kidding.

01:24:08.000 I think so.

01:24:09.000 Oh.

01:24:09.000 I could be conflating him and someone else, but I think that that's what happened.

01:24:12.000 That kind of makes sense.

01:24:13.000 Yeah.

01:24:14.000 That kind of makes sense.

01:24:14.000 You'd be like, oh, how can I make some money here?

01:24:16.000 Mm-hmm.

01:24:17.000 Do tours.

01:24:18.000 Yeah.

01:24:18.000 Like, you've seen a lot of podcasters do that now.

01:24:20.000 Oh, for sure.

01:24:20.000 Like, Tucker Carlson does that now.

01:24:22.000 He does, like, arenas.

01:24:23.000 Mm-hmm.

01:24:24.000 Jordan Peterson, of course.

01:24:25.000 Yeah.

01:24:26.000 These people, they do these tours where they just, like, oh, look, got to make hay by the sun shining.

01:24:30.000 I get it.

01:24:31.000 You got to cash in the momentum when you have it.

01:24:33.000 Oh, yeah.

01:24:33.000 It's the hardest thing to accrue.

01:24:34.000 Yeah.

01:24:34.000 I get it, too, especially if you don't have jokes.

01:24:36.000 Oh, dude.

01:24:37.000 Like, if we're just used to doing stuff in front of audiences, these guys, they look at that as like some frontier that they have to...

01:24:43.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:24:44.000 And we're like, oh, we have fucking tents out there. 0.98

01:24:46.000 We've been living out here for a hundred years. 0.99

01:24:47.000 Oh, yeah.

01:24:48.000 We're Bedouins, man. 1.00

01:24:49.000 You want some fucking camel milk? 1.00

01:24:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:24:52.000 Sam Tala can't even feel comfortable in his own house.

01:24:55.000 Okay.

01:24:55.000 Because I'm just so used to being like, what are we doing today?

01:24:59.000 What's our purpose?

01:25:00.000 The people that haven't experienced that before, like Jordan, he was telling me how much it wears on you.

01:25:04.000 Yeah.

01:25:05.000 It wears on you.

01:25:06.000 It wears on you when you fly.

01:25:08.000 I just flew from Vegas on Sunday morning.

01:25:11.000 It wears on you.

01:25:12.000 That day, you're like wrecked for no reason.

01:25:14.000 And also, I have a hard time spending the money to move up front.

01:25:19.000 I spent $600 once to fly back from Australia in first class, and it was an insane deal.

01:25:26.000 And my wife was like, do it, dude. 1.00

01:25:27.000 And then the whole time I was sitting up there, I was just pissed at myself for being such a bourgeois pig that needed to be comfortable. 0.96

01:25:33.000 That's going to be a problem as you become more successful. 0.98

01:25:35.000 I know.

01:25:36.000 That'll be an issue.

01:25:37.000 I know.

01:25:37.000 Yeah, there's a lot of...

01:25:39.000 One thing that definitely happens is people develop this sort of crisis, you know, the imposter syndrome sort of thing.

01:25:47.000 That happens when you become famous and when you become successful.

01:25:51.000 I don't have imposter syndrome.

01:25:52.000 I know I'm good at the job.

01:25:53.000 What I have is like turning your back on your ideals of like punk rock, like eating out of dumpsters.

01:25:58.000 That thing's hard for me to get over.

01:25:59.000 Right.

01:26:00.000 I see what you're saying.

01:26:01.000 Well, I know a lot of people that get the imposter syndrome thing, too, because when success comes at a very high level, it becomes baffling.

01:26:09.000 You're hanging out with famous people.

01:26:10.000 It doesn't make sense.

01:26:11.000 It feels weird.

01:26:11.000 It's so weird to be in this room.

01:26:13.000 You know what I mean?

01:26:14.000 It's so strange to me, dude.

01:26:16.000 I'm really grateful to be here, but it is just also weird to remember how far away from this room I was for such a long time.

01:26:23.000 That's funny.

01:26:24.000 Yeah.

01:26:24.000 Well, this room's been around, well, not this one, but one of them.

01:26:27.000 Been around for 15 years, which is, that's crazy, too.

01:26:30.000 That's hard to believe.

01:26:31.000 Yeah, perspective is such a warping experience.

01:26:33.000 Yeah, it really is.

01:26:34.000 How far you've come.

01:26:35.000 As you get more successful, you're gonna get weird with money.

01:26:38.000 It's gonna feel weird to you.

01:26:39.000 It's not what you make, it's what you save.

01:26:41.000 Yeah, but it's like, what do you do with it?

01:26:43.000 Like, I think of money as fun coupons.

01:26:45.000 Sure.

01:26:46.000 That's how I think of it.

01:26:47.000 Like, how much fun can I have with this?

01:26:48.000 I think of it as safety.

01:26:50.000 It can be taken away at any moment.

01:26:51.000 Sure.

01:26:51.000 That's up to a point.

01:26:53.000 Once you pass a certain bank account number, then it becomes fun coupons.

01:26:57.000 I remember when I had my first comma in my bank account.

01:26:59.000 I called my dad.

01:27:01.000 Nice.

01:27:01.000 You got a comma, dad.

01:27:02.000 Yeah, dude.

01:27:03.000 Yeah, commas are nice, but it's like, um, the thing is, you're still gonna be you.

01:27:08.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:27:09.000 You're not gonna, you don't have to sleep in the back of the bus, and you don't have to fucking, you don't have to do anything stupid to just prove that you used to be poor. 0.99

01:27:17.000 You don't have to self-flagellate yourself. 0.99

01:27:18.000 Yeah, but it's also like, you have all these fun coupons.

01:27:21.000 Why do you have them if you're not gonna spend them?

01:27:23.000 Oh, yeah.

01:27:23.000 You should be spending them.

01:27:24.000 Oh, I mean, I'm burning them down.

01:27:26.000 Did you get a nice car?

01:27:26.000 No, I have a 2007 Chevy Impala.

01:27:29.000 I don't have a bunch of, like, you know, cool jewelry.

01:27:32.000 Have you thought?

01:27:33.000 You got a nice watch.

01:27:33.000 My wife got this for me.

01:27:34.000 It's $400.

01:27:35.000 It's a beautiful watch.

01:27:36.000 It's a great watch.

01:27:37.000 What kind of watch is that?

01:27:37.000 It's a Bulova.

01:27:38.000 Oh, it's pretty.

01:27:39.000 But I do spend money on dining.

01:27:41.000 And I do spend money on, like, you know, if my sister-in-law, you know, wants something nice for our niece, I'm like, well, here's three different models of that nice thing you want.

01:27:49.000 Oh, that's cool.

01:27:50.000 That's like how I, like, shower people with love and affection.

01:27:53.000 No, that's definitely cool.

01:27:54.000 But I did spend like $50,000 on dining. 0.83

01:27:58.000 If you didn't feel like a bourgeois pig driving a car, what kind of car would you drive? 0.68

01:28:03.000 I would like a very safe car. 0.92

01:28:05.000 You know what I want, dude, is I want a Ford Astrovan.

01:28:07.000 Or I want one of those like Benzes, those like passenger vans that they have.

01:28:11.000 Oh yeah, the Sprinter vans.

01:28:12.000 Like skateboard teams right around in.

01:28:13.000 That's what I want.

01:28:14.000 You could have that and put a podcast studio in the back.

01:28:17.000 Oh, I could.

01:28:17.000 We were going to do that.

01:28:18.000 Yeah.

01:28:18.000 We had talked about that in LA. Remember, Jamie?

01:28:21.000 That would be pretty sweet for Sam.

01:28:22.000 Yeah, we talked about taking one of the- Yeah, dude.

01:28:26.000 Look at it.

01:28:27.000 Look at it.

01:28:28.000 Plus you can take naps in there too.

01:28:29.000 Like if you have to park somewhere, like if you have to be somewhere for a little bit and you have some time.

01:28:33.000 I can't nap.

01:28:34.000 I wish I could nap.

01:28:35.000 No.

01:28:35.000 Really?

01:28:36.000 I have a really hard time napping.

01:28:37.000 Really?

01:28:38.000 Yeah, it's like I can't turn my brain off in the middle of the day.

01:28:40.000 Wow. 1.00

01:28:41.000 Yeah, it sucks. 1.00

01:28:41.000 That sucks. 1.00

01:28:42.000 It's really bad for radio. 0.99

01:28:44.000 Exactly that.

01:28:44.000 Oh, so once you're up, you're up for the whole day?

01:28:46.000 Yeah.

01:28:47.000 I know.

01:28:48.000 And then there's just an amount of coffee you have to keep up. 0.99

01:28:50.000 Have you tried jerking off? 0.99

01:28:51.000 I've dabbled. 0.99

01:28:53.000 That's usually the best.

01:28:54.000 Turns out it's pretty cool.

01:28:55.000 That's like a sleep button.

01:28:55.000 It is pretty cool.

01:28:56.000 But I do like to conserve that essence for my wife.

01:28:59.000 I hear you.

01:29:00.000 So you just save all your loads?

01:29:01.000 I save every load, man.

01:29:03.000 I come home and I batter my beautiful wife. 1.00

01:29:05.000 That's honorable.

01:29:06.000 Yeah.

01:29:07.000 Nothing else?

01:29:08.000 You try melatonin or anything else?

01:29:10.000 Sleep mask?

01:29:11.000 Anything?

01:29:11.000 It's just like laying in a bed in the middle of the day.

01:29:14.000 You just can't shut your brain off.

01:29:15.000 I can't do it, dude. 1.00

01:29:16.000 Yeah, well, fuck. 1.00

01:29:17.000 Fuck radio, I guess. 1.00

01:29:19.000 No, I know. 1.00

01:29:19.000 Yeah, that's it. 1.00

01:29:20.000 That's the only solution. 1.00

01:29:21.000 The only solution is fuck radio. 1.00

01:29:22.000 I mean, and I had to get medical with my managers. 1.00

01:29:26.000 I was like, I really can't do radio because I can't go back to bed.

01:29:28.000 And then people will come out for two shows and they'll get a worse version of the show.

01:29:32.000 Right.

01:29:33.000 Yeah, it's a big difference, too, man. 1.00

01:29:35.000 When you're really tired and you're looking at that 10 o'clock show, you're like, fuck. 0.99

01:29:39.000 You already did the 7 o'clock show. 0.99

01:29:41.000 You're taking a break.

01:29:41.000 You did the merch line.

01:29:42.000 And you're sitting down and you're fucking really tired. 0.97

01:29:45.000 Like, you're literally yawning. 0.98

01:29:46.000 Yeah.

01:29:47.000 And then, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Chuckle Hut!

01:29:50.000 Right.

01:29:50.000 Who's ready to laugh?

01:29:52.000 Come on! 0.61

01:29:53.000 You can do better than that!

01:29:54.000 Right.

01:29:55.000 Who's ready to laugh?

01:29:58.000 And due to the different groups of the Venn diagrams that create the people who come to see me are like Stanhope, Shane, Kill Tony, you.

01:30:05.000 So these people have very high expectations of comedy.

01:30:08.000 So I always feel like I really gotta do a good job.

01:30:11.000 That's the best way to feel always, forever.

01:30:13.000 For sure.

01:30:14.000 Keep that forever.

01:30:15.000 I get nervous for every show.

01:30:16.000 Every show I do, even now.

01:30:17.000 Me too!

01:30:18.000 Yeah.

01:30:19.000 I get nervous.

01:30:20.000 I thought it would get easier once they were coming to see you.

01:30:21.000 Nope.

01:30:22.000 No.

01:30:22.000 Worse.

01:30:23.000 Harder.

01:30:23.000 Expectation.

01:30:24.000 Yeah.

01:30:24.000 Harder.

01:30:25.000 Yeah.

01:30:25.000 You got to keep that.

01:30:27.000 That's forever.

01:30:28.000 Yeah.

01:30:28.000 I hope so.

01:30:29.000 I keep that forever.

01:30:30.000 That's the same thing with a lot of stuff.

01:30:32.000 When you care about something, you should be nervous.

01:30:35.000 You should feel a little giddy about it.

01:30:37.000 A little excited.

01:30:38.000 Like, whew.

01:30:39.000 Not without confidence.

01:30:41.000 I have confidence.

01:30:42.000 I do stand up every night.

01:30:43.000 I have plenty of confidence.

01:30:45.000 But the feeling should be like, this is a real thing.

01:30:49.000 It's about to go down.

01:30:50.000 This is a melding of the minds with me and all these people in this crowd.

01:30:53.000 And this is going to be fun.

01:30:54.000 Yeah.

01:30:55.000 I got to get in that mindset.

01:30:56.000 I got to feel it.

01:30:57.000 I got to...

01:30:58.000 How much time do I have?

01:30:59.000 I have 15 minutes.

01:31:00.000 Right.

01:31:01.000 Do primate posture.

01:31:03.000 Yeah.

01:31:03.000 I do some deep breathing exercises.

01:31:05.000 I stretch out.

01:31:06.000 I drink some water.

01:31:07.000 Maybe have an espresso. 1.00

01:31:08.000 Let's fucking go. 0.99

01:31:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:31:10.000 I literally got this tattoo to remind myself that it's fun.

01:31:13.000 It says, this is fun.

01:31:14.000 That's my miking hand.

01:31:16.000 So I'd like to see my wrist and it reminds me while I'm on stage that this is fun.

01:31:20.000 That's great.

01:31:21.000 That should be a thing that everybody in your group does.

01:31:23.000 You should make it like a brand, like a Nazi swastika on the back. 0.82

01:31:27.000 So we can all come quick.

01:31:28.000 This is fun! 0.97

01:31:30.000 Why are you jerking off the same hand too, right? 0.89

01:31:32.000 That's fun, too. 0.71

01:31:34.000 Well, my podcast, Chubby Behemoth, we all got matching tattoos for, like, a Patreon goal.

01:31:40.000 What'd you guys get?

01:31:41.000 Just, like, this, like, ninja turtle on our thighs.

01:31:44.000 This guy, Bako, that's, like, the avenging ninja turtle that we riffed.

01:31:49.000 Yeah, so now we are all marked forever.

01:31:51.000 Nice.

01:31:52.000 Why not?

01:31:53.000 It's fun, dude.

01:31:54.000 There's no such thing as forever.

01:31:55.000 I have a Go Bananas tattoo with all the Go Bananas boys right here on my wrist.

01:31:59.000 Oh, Go Bananas the comedy club?

01:32:01.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

01:32:02.000 There's a bunch of those Go Bananas.

01:32:03.000 I think there's one in New Jersey, too.

01:32:05.000 There's Bananas in New Jersey.

01:32:06.000 Go Bananas is completely independently owned.

01:32:09.000 Yeah, they came up with that idea on their own.

01:32:11.000 We didn't even know about Bananas when we opened up Go Bananas.

01:32:14.000 Yeah, no way.

01:32:15.000 What are you talking about?

01:32:16.000 Oh, that's funny.

01:32:17.000 I thought they were all the same company.

01:32:19.000 No, I don't think so.

01:32:19.000 So you have a Go Bananas tattoo?

01:32:21.000 Yeah, right there.

01:32:22.000 Just the banana?

01:32:22.000 Just the banana.

01:32:23.000 In the banana boys.

01:32:25.000 I wonder if anybody's got a mothership tattoo yet.

01:32:27.000 Probably.

01:32:27.000 The logo, the alien head.

01:32:29.000 Dude, people get tattoos of you.

01:32:30.000 Ew.

01:32:31.000 People get tattoos of my book.

01:32:33.000 Ew. 0.87

01:32:33.000 They'll get like running the light shit on their body and I'm like, what were you going through when this happened? 0.87

01:32:38.000 Hopefully good. 0.95

01:32:39.000 Hopefully they're in a good place.

01:32:40.000 Yeah.

01:32:41.000 Yeah, there's like hundreds of tattoos in my face out there.

01:32:44.000 It's very strange.

01:32:45.000 And they're not the most glamorous version of your face either.

01:32:48.000 I don't think I have a glamorous version.

01:32:49.000 Well, it's usually the one where you're like...

01:32:51.000 Yeah, it's usually some crazy face from yelling about something.

01:32:54.000 Looks like you're coming fire. 0.91

01:32:55.000 Ooh, boy.

01:32:57.000 Yeah.

01:32:57.000 Or I got...

01:32:58.000 How do you say that? 1.00

01:33:00.000 The hot sauce on my dick? 1.00

01:33:01.000 How do you say it? 1.00

01:33:02.000 A capsaicin.

01:33:03.000 Capsaicin.

01:33:03.000 Yeah.

01:33:04.000 That's one of them words that I never say that I just read.

01:33:07.000 Capsaicin.

01:33:08.000 Yeah.

01:33:08.000 You know?

01:33:09.000 Generally, that's a read word.

01:33:11.000 There's certain words where you're like, how do I say this one?

01:33:14.000 I know what it is, but how do I say that?

01:33:16.000 I'm always using pretentious words that I read and then I mispronounce them. 1.00

01:33:20.000 You look pretentious and stupid at the same time. 1.00

01:33:23.000 The real problem is if you talk to a person who actually knows what the fuck they're talking about and you're throwing those words around. 1.00

01:33:30.000 Some of my biggest L's have been in that exact situation. 0.93

01:33:34.000 Yeah.

01:33:35.000 Well, you know, pretentiousness is kind of gross.

01:33:37.000 I was emailing this lady, Emma Klein, who's an author I admire, and I, like, spelled her last name wrong throughout the email.

01:33:44.000 Oh, no.

01:33:45.000 I know.

01:33:45.000 I, like, you know, told her I read all three of her books.

01:33:48.000 Oh, no.

01:33:49.000 It's on the cover.

01:33:50.000 Oh, no.

01:33:51.000 Yeah.

01:33:52.000 How does she spell it?

01:33:53.000 C-L-I-N-E. Oh. 1.00

01:33:55.000 Yeah, and I thought it was K-L-E-I-N. Very stupid. 1.00

01:34:00.000 I told the people at Random House that. 1.00

01:34:02.000 I just got a book deal with Random House and she's on the same roster.

01:34:05.000 You should send her a letter again.

01:34:08.000 I should. 1.00

01:34:08.000 About how stupid you feel. 1.00

01:34:09.000 Very sorry. 1.00

01:34:10.000 About how you talked about it on a podcast.

01:34:11.000 Yes.

01:34:14.000 Now can we be friends?

01:34:15.000 She didn't answer the emails. 0.98

01:34:16.000 You remember he's fucked because you've been sleeping on people's floors in random houses for 20 years. 0.99

01:34:21.000 Eating quinoa. 1.00

01:34:22.000 Yeah.

01:34:23.000 I remember when quinoa happened.

01:34:24.000 Quinoa.

01:34:25.000 That was big.

01:34:26.000 Yeah, everybody thought they were going to get healthy with some bizarre new grain.

01:34:29.000 Oh, yeah.

01:34:30.000 Yeah, this one's got a lot of protein.

01:34:31.000 Oh, it's so good for you.

01:34:32.000 It's better than buckwheat. 1.00

01:34:33.000 It just tastes like shit. 1.00

01:34:34.000 It's the worst. 1.00

01:34:35.000 It tastes like nothing.

01:34:36.000 And we wouldn't make any money at these shows, but they would have a big quinoa dinner.

01:34:40.000 One time, bro, we had to have a talkback in Lansing, Michigan at this, like, hardcore anarchist home.

01:34:45.000 And after the show, they were like, would you guys mind doing a talkback about your political ideals?

01:34:49.000 And the singer, of course, was like, hell yeah.

01:34:51.000 So they're like, how do you guys align politically?

01:34:52.000 And the singer's like, I'm into Bakunin.

01:34:54.000 And then the bass player was like, I think Emma Goldman told the truth.

01:34:57.000 And then they were like, what about you?

01:34:58.000 And I was like, I'm selling CDs and t-shirts.

01:35:01.000 Yeah.

01:35:01.000 Because these ideals aren't going to keep the van going.

01:35:04.000 So, have fun in here, but please, come buy one of these hand-screened t-shirts that I made.

01:35:09.000 It's just very funny when your ideals actually hit reality.

01:35:13.000 Well, those fringe communities, like an anarchist community like that.

01:35:19.000 I'm always fascinated by people that like whether they're furries or whatever it is like these are bizarre Fringe communities that have their own sort of language way of looking at things and things they all accept that most people don't what Kool-Aid they've all drank collectively Juggalos are the best one Oh, 1.00

01:35:37.000 really?

01:35:37.000 Yeah, because Juggalos are like wild people, but they will give you the shirt off their back.

01:35:41.000 Because they're all about family.

01:35:42.000 Because for the most part, they're from poor places. 0.98

01:35:45.000 They might be gross. 1.00

01:35:47.000 Misfits. 0.99

01:35:47.000 Yeah, traditionally. 0.99

01:35:49.000 But man, Juggalos will take you in. 1.00

01:35:50.000 They're the best.

01:35:51.000 Really?

01:35:51.000 Yeah.

01:35:52.000 Shout out to the Juggalo Nation, man. 1.00

01:35:54.000 They're cool.

01:35:55.000 Did you do a lot of Juggalo shows?

01:35:56.000 I mean, I grew up in eastern Colorado, so I had a lot of Juggalo friends.

01:36:00.000 Oh, wow.

01:36:00.000 But then whenever I see Juggalos at shows now...

01:36:03.000 They're always, like, first in line at the merch.

01:36:05.000 They'll buy everything you have at the table.

01:36:07.000 They're awesome.

01:36:08.000 What an amazing sort of movement the insane clown posse out of all people, out of all groups of people created.

01:36:16.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:36:17.000 Kinda nuts.

01:36:17.000 I think it proves there's no God.

01:36:21.000 That's pure chaos.

01:36:22.000 No way that came from a plan.

01:36:23.000 Or maybe it does prove there's a God.

01:36:25.000 Maybe.

01:36:25.000 Because God enjoys all kinds of different humans interacting in all sorts of bizarre ways.

01:36:30.000 He enjoys chicken hunting.

01:36:32.000 Yeah, he enjoys everything.

01:36:33.000 I think Big J's doing The Gathering this year.

01:36:35.000 Is he?

01:36:36.000 I would fly in for that show, dude.

01:36:38.000 Big J's going to do that.

01:36:39.000 Well, Big J's perfect for that.

01:36:41.000 I know.

01:36:41.000 Because he's so good at riffing.

01:36:42.000 Yeah.

01:36:42.000 So this is the Insane Clown Posse Juggalo Gathering?

01:36:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:36:46.000 Just a fucking gathering of misfits. 1.00

01:36:48.000 They're having fun, they're sharing what they have. 1.00

01:36:50.000 Bunch of people with IQs like someone on a VersaClimber.

01:36:53.000 Just dancing around, banging into each other.

01:36:57.000 I've met some, like, worldly juggalos, man.

01:36:59.000 Really?

01:36:59.000 I met this guy who was a professor at Duke for a while, and then he, like, tapped out, and his midlife crisis was becoming a juggalo.

01:37:07.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:37:07.000 He's like, there's just a purity to what they do. 0.71

01:37:09.000 And I was enchanted.

01:37:10.000 That's interesting.

01:37:11.000 Well, if you wanted to look at it from a human psychological perspective, there is a purity to it because there's no pretension involved at all in being a juggalo.

01:37:19.000 Yes.

01:37:20.000 I loathe pretension because I think I'm guilty of it a lot because I read books and stuff.

01:37:26.000 And you want people to know you read books.

01:37:27.000 Well, yeah, but you can't talk about books with people.

01:37:30.000 You can with some people.

01:37:32.000 Yeah, but they'll be like, I love sci-fi and fantasy.

01:37:34.000 And I'm like, well, that's lower fiction.

01:37:36.000 You want to talk about Sherwood Anderson.

01:37:38.000 Let's have a conversation. 0.99

01:37:40.000 Some sci-fi and fantasy is lower fiction, but there's some really good shit. 0.99

01:37:44.000 I know. 0.99

01:37:45.000 Neil Blancamp.

01:37:46.000 How do you say his last name? 1.00

01:37:47.000 I always fuck his name. 1.00

01:37:49.000 Blondkamp. 1.00

01:37:49.000 I always fuck his name. 1.00

01:37:50.000 I love the guy though. 1.00

01:37:51.000 But he set me hip to this science fiction vampire book that I fucking love. 0.95

01:37:59.000 It's really good. 0.98

01:38:01.000 Let me get the name of it.

01:38:02.000 It's like Blindsight or something like that.

01:38:05.000 Now you're saying, I remember him telling that story.

01:38:06.000 Yeah, let me find it because I have it in my phone.

01:38:09.000 It's really good though.

01:38:11.000 I met George R.R. Martin.

01:38:12.000 Oh, did you really?

01:38:14.000 Yeah, he came to see...

01:38:15.000 I was opening for Burt in New Mexico, and George R.R. Martin came.

01:38:19.000 Wow!

01:38:20.000 George R.R. Martin came to see Burt?

01:38:22.000 Yeah.

01:38:23.000 That's amazing.

01:38:23.000 In Santa Fe.

01:38:24.000 That's incredible.

01:38:25.000 Yeah.

01:38:26.000 This is it.

01:38:27.000 It's Peter Watts.

01:38:28.000 It's called Blindsight.

01:38:29.000 And it's a science fiction space movie about aliens, about, well, vampires.

01:38:37.000 Okay.

01:38:38.000 And the vampires, it's kind of like... 0.99

01:38:42.000 I'm going to fuck it up. 0.99

01:38:43.000 But the story is that these vampires, they take some sort of medication. 0.98

01:38:49.000 There's some sort of a medical thing that they do to keep them from feasting on people.

01:38:54.000 Okay.

01:38:54.000 But that they did exist and that they had always existed and that someone...

01:39:00.000 That they were killed off because, you know, they were killing everybody.

01:39:03.000 And then we kind of...

01:39:06.000 Relegated them to myth and then someone cloned one and brought it back and then they started having more vampires and the vampires were going to space with them.

01:39:14.000 Yeah.

01:39:15.000 So it's a space journey with this vampire who can like read minds and manipulate people and he's like...

01:39:22.000 But he doesn't act on his most based, most horrible instincts, and they're out there interacting with aliens.

01:39:28.000 Yeah.

01:39:28.000 It's very good.

01:39:29.000 I mean, you had me at vampire. 0.99

01:39:31.000 Dude, it's fucking good. 0.99

01:39:32.000 I'm fucking it up. 0.99

01:39:33.000 I'm paraphrasing because I wasn't prepared to talk about it. 0.97

01:39:35.000 Right, yeah.

01:39:36.000 I read it like two years ago.

01:39:39.000 Okay.

01:39:40.000 When Neil was on.

01:39:41.000 How long was that about?

01:39:42.000 A couple years ago.

01:39:42.000 He's actually a predator from the Pleistocene era, I think.

01:39:45.000 That's right.

01:39:46.000 He's alleged to be far smarter than baseline humans.

01:39:49.000 Yeah, it's a really, really good book.

01:39:51.000 That stuff sounds good.

01:39:52.000 Oh, it's good.

01:39:53.000 It's good.

01:39:53.000 It's really well-crafted.

01:39:55.000 I'm just like a realist when it comes to literature.

01:39:57.000 I love reading about men risking their lives for like $80.

01:40:01.000 Those are my favorite novels.

01:40:02.000 Oh, really?

01:40:03.000 Yeah, like very low reward compared to the risk.

01:40:07.000 Like what?

01:40:08.000 Give me an example.

01:40:08.000 Like Larry Brown.

01:40:09.000 A lot of Cormac McCarthy books are like that.

01:40:12.000 Cormac McCarthy was amazing.

01:40:13.000 He's the goat.

01:40:15.000 Yeah. 0.80

01:40:16.000 He's the best.

01:40:17.000 Yeah, there's something about writing about the stuff that he writes about too, like that Western style.

01:40:24.000 Yeah.

01:40:25.000 Kind of like just the reality of the existence.

01:40:28.000 Did you see any of the Yellowstone pre-shows like 18...

01:40:34.000 What is it?

01:40:35.000 1883?

01:40:36.000 No.

01:40:36.000 Is that what it is?

01:40:39.000 1883, right? 0.99

01:40:40.000 1883 is fucking insane. 0.99

01:40:43.000 Really? 1.00

01:40:44.000 It's insane.

01:40:45.000 Is it like Deadwood-esque?

01:40:46.000 Well, it's realistic is what it is.

01:40:48.000 It's like a realistic depiction of what it was like when people made their way across the country on wagons and how people were lost along the way.

01:40:56.000 Yeah.

01:40:57.000 You know, but it's just the way it's done is...

01:41:01.000 It's so good, dude.

01:41:04.000 If you like this kind of stuff, you should read Warlock, which is exactly what you just described.

01:41:09.000 Oh, yeah?

01:41:09.000 It's like a postmodern Western.

01:41:11.000 It's really cool.

01:41:12.000 Yeah?

01:41:12.000 Yeah.

01:41:13.000 It's like an easy one to get lost in.

01:41:15.000 A postmodern Western?

01:41:16.000 Yeah, it's like a self-aware Western.

01:41:18.000 The guy uses all the trappings of the traditional Western, but then he runs it through his lens as a literary author. 0.98

01:41:24.000 It's really fucking good. 1.00

01:41:25.000 I mean, just think about how crazy this fucking country is. 0.99

01:41:29.000 Like 400 years ago, it was just Native Americans. 1.00

01:41:31.000 That's it.

01:41:32.000 Just Indian tribes everywhere. 0.91

01:41:34.000 And then this.

01:41:35.000 And that quick little bing.

01:41:38.000 So fast.

01:41:39.000 Out of nowhere.

01:41:40.000 Nuts. 0.96

01:41:40.000 And the stories about people deciding that they were going to come here from Europe and didn't even speak English and made it across the fucking the plains with wagons and lost half the people every time. 0.96

01:41:54.000 Yeah, and had to eat a couple people.

01:41:56.000 And then they get to the Rocky Mountains and they're like, hey...

01:41:59.000 We're good.

01:42:00.000 We're going to stay right here.

01:42:01.000 A lot of people do.

01:42:02.000 But then the true psychos were the ones who got through the Rockies, man.

01:42:05.000 Yeah.

01:42:05.000 Well, that's what I always said about Texas.

01:42:07.000 Because, like, the thing about this country is, right, the people that are here that weren't Native Americans, everybody and their ancestors started in the East and made their way West. 0.99

01:42:18.000 And then the people got to Texas and said, y'all go ahead, we're going to hang out here and fuck. 0.99

01:42:22.000 Yeah, we're good here. 1.00

01:42:23.000 They just put up fences and started going nuts.

01:42:26.000 There's a lot of bison around here.

01:42:27.000 We'll be fine.

01:42:28.000 But a lot of people kept going.

01:42:29.000 And then the people that did keep going are the most filled with wanderlust.

01:42:34.000 Californians were the most open-minded.

01:42:36.000 The state has completely fallen.

01:42:39.000 But the ethic of it, the ethos of the state...

01:42:45.000 Yeah.

01:42:59.000 Yeah.

01:43:01.000 It was just, that was the last place you could go before you went to Hawaii.

01:43:05.000 There's nowhere else to go.

01:43:07.000 There's nowhere else to go.

01:43:08.000 So it would just make sense that those people would be the ones that would be pushing the boundaries.

01:43:13.000 I mean, think about, like in the 1960s at least, the amount of entertainment, the amount of music, the amount of culturally changing content that came out of Los Angeles and the West Coast. 0.98

01:43:25.000 It's fucking nuts, man. 0.98

01:43:27.000 If you saw it on a chart, a graph, like how much amazing shit came out of LA in those decades. 1.00

01:43:33.000 Right. 0.99

01:43:34.000 It's crazy.

01:43:34.000 And like how exponential the next great thing was.

01:43:37.000 Yes.

01:43:38.000 You know?

01:43:38.000 Yes.

01:43:38.000 That's what I always think about is just like how quickly in the last 200 years that curve has sharpened.

01:43:43.000 Yeah.

01:43:44.000 There's so much innovation over the last 200 years that's like Bananas.

01:43:47.000 Compared to the rest of human history, it's nuts what we've achieved.

01:43:50.000 And what we're going through right now is going to change all that.

01:43:54.000 Multitudes.

01:43:55.000 It's going to be beyond the printing press, beyond the invention of the internet.

01:43:59.000 Oh, yeah. 0.88

01:43:59.000 Whatever the fuck the AI thing is, everyone's just guessing what it's going to be like. 0.88

01:44:04.000 But whatever it is, it's going to be like that vampire on that spaceship. 1.00

01:44:07.000 100%.

01:44:08.000 100%.

01:44:09.000 Yeah, we're going to be trapped with a superior predator.

01:44:11.000 Exactly.

01:44:11.000 Yeah.

01:44:11.000 And it's not going to have emotions either.

01:44:13.000 No.

01:44:14.000 And if it does, it'll engineer those out. 1.00

01:44:16.000 Like, what are these stupid things doing? 1.00

01:44:18.000 What's the point of these? 1.00

01:44:18.000 Yeah, these things aren't helping anything. 1.00

01:44:20.000 I don't even have a dick. 0.98

01:44:21.000 Emotions are interesting. 0.99

01:44:22.000 Yeah.

01:44:23.000 Because it's like people who are beholden to their emotions when they make it your problem because they're experiencing... 0.54

01:44:28.000 Obviously, if you're mentally ill, that's one thing.

01:44:31.000 But if you're just a person who's bummed and you want to put that on me, it's like, grow up. 0.97

01:44:36.000 Everyone deals with all of these things.

01:44:37.000 I'm just not going to project it upon you and make your time worse.

01:44:40.000 Well, a lot of it's patterns.

01:44:42.000 Sure.

01:44:43.000 They learn the patterns from their family.

01:44:44.000 No, you're very right.

01:44:45.000 Unfortunately.

01:44:45.000 You're very right.

01:44:46.000 It's real hard. 1.00

01:44:47.000 If you grow up with morons, it's really hard to break free and think clearly. 1.00

01:44:51.000 And then you also have this, like, weird... 1.00

01:44:54.000 The energy that you get from your family and the way they look at things.

01:44:57.000 Like some families, they just woe is me forever.

01:44:59.000 Right, and then those patterns give you comfort because they remind you of when you were safe.

01:45:03.000 And they also don't know what to talk about. 0.99

01:45:05.000 So they come home, you know, my fucking job, I swear to God, I wish I could quit. 1.00

01:45:08.000 I fucking hate it. 1.00

01:45:09.000 They come home and you're like, oh no, not this again. 0.99

01:45:13.000 We're so lucky that all of our friends are the funniest people alive.

01:45:15.000 Oh, we're so lucky.

01:45:16.000 That's the best part of stand-up.

01:45:18.000 We say it all the time in that green room.

01:45:19.000 We're like, we are so lucky to be here.

01:45:21.000 We're so lucky.

01:45:22.000 Especially when you consider how you first started, you know, the earliest days.

01:45:26.000 To be here now, it's just bananas.

01:45:29.000 Yeah, Ron White handing me a cigar will never not lose its charm.

01:45:33.000 It's always so cool.

01:45:34.000 Just hanging out with him is always weird to me. 1.00

01:45:35.000 That's why I bought that stupid cult house. 1.00

01:45:37.000 Because I just can't believe Ron White's my friend. 1.00

01:45:40.000 I was like, I'll listen to him.

01:45:42.000 I'll listen to him.

01:45:43.000 He was the first guy here, too, by the way.

01:45:45.000 Everybody credits me with getting people to move here, but he got me to move here.

01:45:49.000 He was the first guy.

01:45:50.000 He got me thinking about moving here before the pandemic, because he moved here, I think, in 2017 or 18. And I go, what are you doing in Austin?

01:46:00.000 He goes, well, I still got my house in Beverly Hills, but I'll tell you what, I fucking love it here. 0.50

01:46:04.000 He goes, when I'm traveling, I'm in the middle of the country. 0.86

01:46:07.000 Flights are quick.

01:46:08.000 People are nice.

01:46:09.000 Food's great.

01:46:10.000 I play golf. 1.00

01:46:12.000 And I was like, damn. 0.99

01:46:12.000 He goes, my son lives here. 0.99

01:46:14.000 He loves it.

01:46:15.000 Maybe Austin's the spot.

01:46:16.000 Colorado had a shot at you, man.

01:46:18.000 They did.

01:46:18.000 I remember when that happened, when you moved up to Boulder for a minute.

01:46:21.000 Blame it on my wife. 1.00

01:46:22.000 She got pregnant.

01:46:22.000 I understand.

01:46:23.000 When she got pregnant, we had to go back. 0.90

01:46:25.000 But yeah, I was planning on just going buck wild in Denver.

01:46:29.000 Yeah.

01:46:29.000 That was my plan.

01:46:30.000 It would have been so valuable to that city.

01:46:33.000 Well, we could always do a mothership there one day.

01:46:36.000 I think that's a good candidate for a mothership.

01:46:38.000 I bet when Wendy wants to sell, she would talk to you. 0.99

01:46:41.000 Well, if Wendy wanted to sell, I'd be interested.

01:46:43.000 I love her.

01:46:43.000 She's the greatest.

01:46:44.000 She's the best.

01:46:45.000 She's like my mom now.

01:46:46.000 She's such a great lady.

01:46:48.000 She let me have my mom's wake at her club. 0.99

01:46:49.000 Oh, really?

01:46:50.000 And paid for all the food and everything.

01:46:52.000 Oh, man.

01:46:53.000 She's the greatest.

01:46:53.000 That's cool.

01:46:54.000 We had Ron White's mom's wake at our club.

01:46:57.000 Yeah.

01:46:59.000 When Wendy, when I did my 2014 Comedy Central special, I did it on purpose at the Denver Comedy Works because I'm like, I want to do it at Wendy's place.

01:47:10.000 Of course.

01:47:11.000 She's just such a good force for comedy and just understands comedy and is really kind to people and good to the opening acts.

01:47:19.000 But tough as nails, bro.

01:47:20.000 Oh yeah, you have to be.

01:47:20.000 Because she had to fight up for being a waitress.

01:47:23.000 She was a waitress at the club and now she owns it. 1.00

01:47:25.000 You have to be tough as nails to be in this crazy business.

01:47:29.000 I always told comedians, be nice to these club owners because you don't want to be them.

01:47:33.000 Right.

01:47:34.000 And then I had to be one.

01:47:35.000 Yeah.

01:47:35.000 And also be nice to the servers.

01:47:37.000 Be nice to everyone.

01:47:38.000 Everybody.

01:47:38.000 Be nice to everybody.

01:47:39.000 Always be nice to everybody.

01:47:41.000 And again, because it will benefit you.

01:47:42.000 Not because it's the right thing to do, but because it'll make your life easier when they end up running the club and become managers or agents or whatever.

01:47:48.000 Also, it's just, it feels better next time you see them.

01:47:51.000 It's good for everybody.

01:47:52.000 It's good for you.

01:47:52.000 It's good for them.

01:47:53.000 Everybody's friendly.

01:47:54.000 You hug everybody.

01:47:55.000 Yay, we're all here together.

01:47:56.000 Fun times.

01:47:57.000 And she's done a great job of having it.

01:47:59.000 She has a real community there.

01:48:01.000 That's one of the reasons why, when I wanted to escape from L.A., this was 2009, when I wanted to do my first escape from L.A., I chose Colorado. 0.99

01:48:11.000 But I wanted to be in the fucking woods. 0.99

01:48:12.000 That's where I fucked up. 1.00

01:48:14.000 I fucked up because I pushed my wife too hard. 1.00

01:48:16.000 I pushed her through the crazy place. 1.00

01:48:18.000 I'm like, what's life in the woods?

01:48:19.000 With a baby. 1.00

01:48:21.000 On the top of a fucking mountain. 1.00

01:48:22.000 We lost a dog to a mountain lion. 1.00

01:48:25.000 Jesus.

01:48:25.000 Yeah, like we were in, like, while we were there, I guess it was actually before we moved there, a bear broke into one of the neighbor's cars and ate his seats.

01:48:35.000 Because the bear thought that the seats were leather, and leather is food.

01:48:38.000 I guess a bear can smell so good that they can smell the hide.

01:48:42.000 And so he just ate his seats.

01:48:44.000 Just opened the door, man.

01:48:47.000 Bears know how to open doors.

01:48:49.000 Wow.

01:48:49.000 They get habituated to people, and it's a real problem.

01:48:53.000 Because once they find out that you have garbage cans, they never stop coming to your house.

01:48:57.000 And then once they eat your car, they always...

01:49:00.000 They keep coming.

01:49:01.000 They keep coming.

01:49:02.000 So I went.

01:49:02.000 I tried too hard.

01:49:04.000 Eating a car is so funny.

01:49:05.000 I left.

01:49:06.000 I left too far.

01:49:07.000 I went too far out.

01:49:08.000 I should have been in Boulder proper in the city.

01:49:12.000 But even then, the problem was when a woman is pregnant, the atmosphere of Denver and even of anywhere around 5,000 feet, it's rough.

01:49:23.000 And Colorado has one of the highest premature birth rates because of the lack of oxygen.

01:49:29.000 Really?

01:49:30.000 Yeah.

01:49:31.000 It's really rough on pregnant women. 1.00

01:49:33.000 It's like having the flu.

01:49:34.000 So we went back to Los Angeles.

01:49:37.000 For something.

01:49:38.000 I forget what we want.

01:49:38.000 And then immediately she felt better.

01:49:41.000 And then we would talk to her doctor, the whole deal.

01:49:44.000 Like, yeah, it's really bad, especially if your body's not acclimated.

01:49:47.000 If you just move there, and then all of a sudden you're pregnant. 0.96

01:49:49.000 It was too rough.

01:49:51.000 But I always had this itch to get back there.

01:49:54.000 To get back to the mountain areas above Boulder are so amazing.

01:49:59.000 The Flatirons.

01:50:00.000 Oh, dude!

01:50:01.000 You're driving down the road. 1.00

01:50:03.000 You're like, am I in a fucking movie? 0.99

01:50:05.000 Or is this how I get to my house? 0.99

01:50:07.000 Because this seems like a movie.

01:50:09.000 It seemed too good.

01:50:10.000 I always say that it's like...

01:50:13.000 Everyone loves art.

01:50:14.000 You love to look at this painting or a cool sculpture.

01:50:17.000 It's a thing that your mind interacts with.

01:50:19.000 You're like, wow, it's amazing.

01:50:20.000 But nature is that times a million.

01:50:23.000 And real nature, like mountains and trees and the sunlight going through the leaves.

01:50:30.000 It's like, oh my god, it's incredible!

01:50:34.000 It's like your day is enriched by just the beauty of it all.

01:50:38.000 And also, you're humbled by it.

01:50:40.000 Oh yeah.

01:50:40.000 It's a good thing for the soul.

01:50:42.000 You gotta feel small. 0.94

01:50:43.000 You feel so fucking small when you're in the mountains. 0.97

01:50:45.000 So you're surrounded by uncaring just nature. 0.91

01:50:48.000 And it's just insanely beautiful.

01:50:50.000 I don't know why human beings register beauty when it comes to like objects and stuff.

01:50:58.000 I wonder like what evolutionary benefit is it to look at a flower and go, God, that's amazing.

01:51:04.000 Yeah.

01:51:04.000 Like what is that?

01:51:05.000 And also the flower rewards you with smell and you can touch the petals and that's a sensual experience.

01:51:10.000 Yeah, that's a good way of looking at it.

01:51:13.000 But there's a lot of things that are beautiful.

01:51:15.000 It's like, why?

01:51:16.000 I guess a lake is beautiful because there's food in there.

01:51:20.000 So you get excited by the blue water and the clear water means it's not polluted.

01:51:25.000 Because you see a brown water lake, it doesn't look great.

01:51:28.000 Those reservoir lakes?

01:51:30.000 Yeah, there was one in Fort Collins.

01:51:31.000 Catfish Pond.

01:51:33.000 You ever seen those people that go noodling?

01:51:35.000 Of course.

01:51:36.000 Cover their hands in dog food?

01:51:37.000 I've noodled, man.

01:51:38.000 Have you noodled?

01:51:38.000 Yeah, I've noodled in Mississippi one time.

01:51:40.000 Did you ever get a catfish?

01:51:42.000 No.

01:51:42.000 No, you tried?

01:51:43.000 Yeah.

01:51:43.000 That is a wild activity.

01:51:44.000 I was up to my armpit in mud, just waiting.

01:51:47.000 That's such a wild activity.

01:51:48.000 Yeah.

01:51:49.000 But hey, you get food out of it.

01:51:51.000 Oh, you get a lot of food.

01:51:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:51:52.000 Those fucking things are huge. 1.00

01:51:53.000 And sometimes you'll get a carp. 1.00

01:51:54.000 When they pull them out, you see them wrestling with them.

01:51:56.000 Dude, and they're just like smacking them against them.

01:51:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:51:58.000 It's a fucking 50-pound fish that's attached to your arm trying to pull you into its hole. 1.00

01:52:03.000 Yeah, into the mud. 1.00

01:52:04.000 Or you can fuck up and get a snapping turtle. 0.99

01:52:06.000 You get a snapping turtle? 1.00

01:52:06.000 Or a carp? 1.00

01:52:07.000 God forbid.

01:52:08.000 You get a gar? 0.97

01:52:09.000 A carp won't bother me, but a snapping turtle bothers the shit out of me. 0.93

01:52:11.000 Here we go. 0.88

01:52:12.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:52:12.000 Look at that motherfucker. 1.00

01:52:14.000 That's prehistoric. 1.00

01:52:16.000 Oh, that's that lady, Hannah Barron. 1.00

01:52:17.000 I follow her on Instagram.

01:52:19.000 She's always noodling. 1.00

01:52:21.000 Good for her.

01:52:22.000 Yeah, she's like a cute southern girl who goes noodling for catfish and goes hunting. 0.99

01:52:27.000 There's like a whole industry of hot girls who go hunting. 1.00

01:52:30.000 It's a good racket. 1.00

01:52:32.000 Look at the size of that fucking fish, man. 1.00

01:52:34.000 Look at that thing. 1.00

01:52:34.000 That thing is so massive. 1.00

01:52:36.000 Wow.

01:52:37.000 I mean, you could eat that for three or four days.

01:52:39.000 I'd like to eat a couple things in that video.

01:52:41.000 I hear you.

01:52:42.000 Hey, come on. 0.77

01:52:44.000 Come on, that muddy water don't bother me.

01:52:46.000 No, no.

01:52:47.000 Come on.

01:52:50.000 The fish is later.

01:52:52.000 I want sushi right now.

01:52:54.000 Ha ha! 0.86

01:52:55.000 I want some taco, you know what I'm saying?

01:52:58.000 But the noodling thing, like, that water don't look good.

01:53:01.000 That doesn't look beautiful.

01:53:02.000 You know, when it feeds off that, you know?

01:53:04.000 Like, that's where it's getting its nutrients, is from the mud.

01:53:07.000 But you fry it up, it's not bad.

01:53:09.000 Oh, they're delicious.

01:53:09.000 Yeah.

01:53:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:10.000 There's a lot of things that are ugly as fuck. 1.00

01:53:13.000 They used to think of lobsters as poor people food. 1.00

01:53:16.000 Mm-hmm.

01:53:16.000 Isn't that nuts?

01:53:17.000 It's the best. 1.00

01:53:17.000 They serve it to prisoners and shit. 1.00

01:53:19.000 Crazy! 1.00

01:53:19.000 We used to fish them out of the East River for bar food. 1.00

01:53:22.000 It would go back in the 1800s.

01:53:24.000 Those were chicken tenders.

01:53:27.000 That was their nachos. 1.00

01:53:29.000 Fucking lobster. 0.99

01:53:30.000 That's our favorite food ever. 1.00

01:53:32.000 It's so good.

01:53:33.000 I'm not over it.

01:53:34.000 I'm not over it at all.

01:53:35.000 When I first got my first development deal, you know, I've been poor my whole life, and then I got my first development deal when I was like 24 or something like that, 25 I guess.

01:53:45.000 I guess I was 25. Somewhere around then.

01:53:48.000 Anyway, the point is, up until then, I'd always been poor.

01:53:51.000 And then my manager contacts me a couple months later.

01:53:55.000 He said, do you have a gambling problem?

01:53:57.000 And I said, no, why?

01:53:59.000 And he goes, you're spending so much money.

01:54:00.000 I just thought, because you know I played a lot of pool.

01:54:02.000 I go, no, dude.

01:54:03.000 I'm eating lobster every night.

01:54:05.000 Yeah.

01:54:09.000 I just, I had all this money.

01:54:11.000 I was like, bro, I'm going to spend it.

01:54:12.000 I didn't have any thought at all about saving it.

01:54:15.000 I was like, what?

01:54:17.000 Saving it?

01:54:17.000 That was me.

01:54:18.000 I just bought a couch.

01:54:19.000 I bought like a $9,000 couch for our new home.

01:54:22.000 I felt so much guilt.

01:54:24.000 Yeah, you feel guilt, for sure. 0.98

01:54:25.000 But when you sit in that sucker, you're like, oh. 0.98

01:54:28.000 Also for the rest of our lives. 0.98

01:54:29.000 This is a forever home, you know?

01:54:32.000 Dude, we have Mae West's couch in the green room of the mothership. 1.00

01:54:35.000 That's how long a couch can hang around for and move around.

01:54:38.000 Yeah.

01:54:39.000 Yeah.

01:54:39.000 Shout out to Peter Shore.

01:54:41.000 Shout out to Shamani.

01:54:42.000 They sold me my couch.

01:54:44.000 Peter Shore gave me the couch that's in the mothership.

01:54:48.000 Dude, that dude is one of the most fascinating people.

01:54:52.000 He has like 12 different degrees.

01:54:54.000 Oh, Peter's brilliant.

01:54:55.000 He's so smart, dude. 0.98

01:54:56.000 He sent me some shit that he wrote and it's really good. 0.98

01:54:58.000 He's definitely the smartest of the Shores. 0.99

01:54:59.000 Yeah.

01:55:00.000 I don't know.

01:55:01.000 Yeah, he's smart.

01:55:02.000 He's the one I know.

01:55:03.000 But yeah.

01:55:04.000 I know all of them.

01:55:05.000 Scott's great too.

01:55:06.000 The other brother that lives in San Diego.

01:55:07.000 He's awesome.

01:55:07.000 I love him.

01:55:08.000 Yeah.

01:55:09.000 And Pauly.

01:55:10.000 Pauly's awesome too.

01:55:11.000 Pauly's like a different human now.

01:55:12.000 It's fun.

01:55:13.000 He seems to be changed.

01:55:15.000 He's a sweetheart.

01:55:16.000 He really is.

01:55:17.000 You know, I think, listen, that kid got famous when he was like 18 years old.

01:55:23.000 Like, that's not good for anybody.

01:55:24.000 That's not good for Miley Cyrus.

01:55:26.000 I've met so many people that got famous when they were young.

01:55:29.000 Macaulay Culkin did a podcast with him.

01:55:31.000 It's poison.

01:55:32.000 That was a good pod, dude.

01:55:33.000 He's an interesting guy.

01:55:35.000 I want to befriend him.

01:55:35.000 He's in Paris.

01:55:36.000 He's a very smart guy.

01:55:37.000 Yeah.

01:55:38.000 Very, very smart.

01:55:39.000 And interesting and kind and, like, cool to talk to. 0.99

01:55:42.000 But you don't get through that and not get fucked up. 0.98

01:55:45.000 But Pauly, you know, I mean, he was being babysat by Sam Kinison. 0.99

01:55:50.000 Like, what?

01:55:50.000 Yeah.

01:55:51.000 Like, he grew up with his mom.

01:55:53.000 Like, literally, like, leave him in the crib.

01:55:55.000 Let him cry.

01:55:56.000 I'll make him funny.

01:55:57.000 Yeah.

01:55:59.000 I went to a party at Roman Polanski's house in Paris.

01:56:01.000 What?

01:56:02.000 Yeah.

01:56:02.000 Well, like, I did a show in Paris.

01:56:04.000 So his son, Elvis, was like, you must come to my party.

01:56:07.000 And I was like, we're not going to hang out with you.

01:56:09.000 And then someone else was like, it's in Roman Polanski's house.

01:56:12.000 You should go to the party.

01:56:13.000 So we mobbed deep.

01:56:14.000 I told all these comics.

01:56:15.000 We roll in there.

01:56:17.000 And then instead of going up when we get to the apartment, we have to go down.

01:56:21.000 Because Roman Polanski said, no party in my house.

01:56:23.000 So we had to party in the parking garage below his home.

01:56:26.000 Oh, God.

01:56:27.000 It was so...

01:56:29.000 We had the highest expectations that we were going into Shangri-La.

01:56:33.000 Right. 0.96

01:56:33.000 But no, we just partied by some shitty Euro trash cars as a 16-year-old DJ'd the worst music ever and we drank warm beer. 0.96

01:56:41.000 But Polanski, did you see him? 0.89

01:56:43.000 No.

01:56:43.000 No, I did not.

01:56:44.000 But I did go into the apartment to use the bathroom.

01:56:47.000 Oh.

01:56:48.000 It's very nice up there.

01:56:49.000 I bet.

01:56:50.000 Very nice.

01:56:50.000 Very well-appointed place.

01:56:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:56:54.000 I mean, dude, he might be a pedophile, but fucking Chinatown? 1.00

01:56:57.000 It seems like a lot of people were pedophiles back then. 1.00

01:57:00.000 Well, it was a different time.

01:57:01.000 That's what's crazy.

01:57:02.000 Like, there's songs.

01:57:04.000 Yeah.

01:57:04.000 Like, Christine 16. Let's get a couple more candles on that cake.

01:57:07.000 Yeah.

01:57:08.000 Yeah.

01:57:14.000 Sixteen Candles?

01:57:15.000 I need two more, boys.

01:57:17.000 Yeah, and then there was the other song.

01:57:18.000 She was only 17. And then there was a Rick James song.

01:57:22.000 She was 17, but she was sexy. 0.99

01:57:26.000 And Jailbait?

01:57:27.000 That song rules.

01:57:28.000 What's Jailbait?

01:57:29.000 Nugent, man.

01:57:30.000 Oh, that's right.

01:57:31.000 Yeah.

01:57:32.000 Well, he had a few issues with that as well.

01:57:34.000 Just saying, he rules.

01:57:35.000 It was a different time.

01:57:36.000 Yeah.

01:57:36.000 Back then, guys like, Seinfeld dated that Shoshana Lonstein girl.

01:57:41.000 She was like 17. She looked like that catfish woman at the time, though. 1.00

01:57:45.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

01:57:46.000 Oh, yeah.

01:57:47.000 Age is just a number, baby.

01:57:50.000 You're like Aristotle.

01:57:52.000 Yeah, like Socrates.

01:57:54.000 Normal.

01:57:55.000 Normal stuff.

01:57:56.000 Jesus, why is everybody so uptight?

01:57:59.000 I've never banged a kid, but...

01:58:00.000 Neither have I. But I think of it very differently when it's a hot woman and a 17-year-old kid.

01:58:07.000 A hot woman and a 17-year-old boy, everybody's fine with.

01:58:10.000 Of course.

01:58:10.000 It's a joke.

01:58:11.000 Throw him a parade.

01:58:12.000 Exactly.

01:58:12.000 Yeah.

01:58:14.000 A 17-year-old girl and a hot man. 1.00

01:58:18.000 And you're like, what's wrong with you, you piece of shit? 1.00

01:58:20.000 You know? 1.00

01:58:21.000 Like Chris Hemsworth started fucking high school seniors. 0.99

01:58:26.000 I mean, allegedly. 0.99

01:58:27.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:58:28.000 I don't know that story.

01:58:30.000 No, I don't think the story exists.

01:58:31.000 I think it's fake.

01:58:32.000 Those are the luckiest girls in the world.

01:58:34.000 I know. 0.91

01:58:34.000 They'd be like, oh my god, he's so fucking cute. 0.91

01:58:37.000 Yeah, you lose your virginity to Hemsworth? 0.99

01:58:39.000 I doubt there's 17-year-old virgins left. 0.95

01:58:42.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:58:42.000 These days, these kids are fucking. 1.00

01:58:43.000 Yeah, they really are. 1.00

01:58:45.000 They're getting after it.

01:58:45.000 They can't get enough of it.

01:58:46.000 Well, they have porn on their phone. 0.77

01:58:47.000 I know, dude. 1.00

01:58:48.000 They're so warped.

01:58:49.000 They're so warped.

01:58:50.000 I mean, we were running a mass psychology experiment on kids, and no one's talking about it. 0.96

01:58:54.000 No, their brains are mushed.

01:58:56.000 They have to be. 0.90

01:58:56.000 Yeah. 0.90

01:58:57.000 They have to be.

01:58:57.000 Dude, it's really hard to have a conversation with young people because they're constantly reaching for their phone.

01:59:02.000 They can't stop.

01:59:03.000 They can't, yeah.

01:59:04.000 Because they're just getting pure serotonin and the world's at their fingertips.

01:59:07.000 Well, think about podcasts.

01:59:08.000 It's like the only time that I ever get a chance to talk to someone and not look at my phone at all.

01:59:13.000 Yeah.

01:59:13.000 It's the only time.

01:59:14.000 I know.

01:59:14.000 Normal, if you and I were at dinner, I might look at my phone real quick.

01:59:17.000 I'm like, I've got to text this guy back.

01:59:19.000 I'd find some reason why it's so important.

01:59:21.000 Show me a video.

01:59:21.000 I'm going to send this message.

01:59:22.000 Yeah, show you some funny, show you that guy dancing around.

01:59:25.000 I'm watching.

01:59:26.000 Hopefully that's after dinner.

01:59:28.000 That's the mint.

01:59:29.000 Yeah, that one might fuck up your appetite.

01:59:31.000 Yeah.

01:59:32.000 It's like looking in a mirror.

01:59:33.000 Jesus.

01:59:35.000 Maybe that's my new course.

01:59:36.000 Yeah.

01:59:36.000 The anarchy thing didn't work out.

01:59:38.000 No.

01:59:39.000 I can kind of rap.

01:59:40.000 Yeah.

01:59:40.000 Let's see if I can rap.

01:59:41.000 I can do this.

01:59:41.000 Alone in your hotel room in the mirror.

01:59:44.000 There's actually two rap songs I did online.

01:59:46.000 No way!

01:59:47.000 The Clandestine Apostles.

01:59:48.000 The Clandestine Apostles is a great name.

01:59:50.000 Yeah, me and my wife.

01:59:52.000 I ate an edible with my buddy Pat.

01:59:56.000 Yeah, we put down a couple tracks.

01:59:59.000 Oh my god, that's awesome. 0.92

02:00:01.000 But yeah, I mean, it's just like there's these kids, and also there are a lot of really exciting kids doing really cool shit. 0.92

02:00:06.000 Oh, sure. 0.78

02:00:07.000 Like, if you grow up with every bit of music, if you synthesize that all into something, it's going to be new.

02:00:14.000 Not just every bit of music, but every bit of music instantaneously available anytime you want.

02:00:18.000 Just pull out your phone, press a button, bam, music.

02:00:23.000 There's never been anything remotely like that.

02:00:25.000 It's a valuable tool.

02:00:27.000 You have the Library of Alexandria in your hand at all times.

02:00:29.000 You really do.

02:00:30.000 You really do.

02:00:30.000 Oh, no.

02:00:32.000 Let's hear some of this.

02:00:33.000 Let's go.

02:00:45.000 That's me singing the hook.

02:00:46.000 I don't know why you guys didn't make it.

02:00:55.000 I don't understand.

02:00:56.000 There's no justice in the world.

02:00:58.000 This was last year!

02:01:01.000 I can't hide behind youth on this one.

02:01:03.000 Oh no, I was hoping you were like 12. No, dude.

02:01:06.000 This was 36-year-old Sam Tallent and his wife a little high.

02:01:10.000 That's hilarious.

02:01:11.000 That's hilarious.

02:01:12.000 I played for Danny Brown once.

02:01:13.000 He listened to the whole thing.

02:01:14.000 How about that guy last night whose mom became a country music star at 54?

02:01:18.000 Excuse me, star is a big word. 0.96

02:01:20.000 You use it like porno star. 0.93

02:01:21.000 They're all stars. 0.97

02:01:22.000 Like, there's no porn. 0.91

02:01:24.000 No one says that I'm a porn actress. 0.98

02:01:26.000 They're all porno stars. 0.95

02:01:27.000 I texted Tony this morning. 0.98

02:01:28.000 I was like, that was a wild move.

02:01:30.000 Oh my god, it was so wild.

02:01:32.000 It was wild.

02:01:33.000 They found her.

02:01:33.000 Was she kind of hot?

02:01:34.000 She Kinda.

02:01:35.000 Was she really hot? 1.00

02:01:36.000 She was a total babe. 1.00

02:01:37.000 Wow.

02:01:37.000 She was a smoking blonde.

02:01:39.000 And then she had a song and the son was like, yeah, she uses AI to write the lyrics. 1.00

02:01:42.000 Like, hey, shut the fuck up, kid. 1.00

02:01:44.000 That was her son saying it, too. 1.00

02:01:45.000 Yeah, like, hey, kid, this is your mom's opportunity to make it as a country star.

02:01:49.000 I know. 1.00

02:01:49.000 And you're selling her out by saying she gets AI to write the lyrics, you fuckhead. 1.00

02:01:54.000 Yeah, that was a bad move on his part. 0.99

02:01:56.000 You almost should edit that out. 1.00

02:01:57.000 Fuck the kid. 1.00

02:01:58.000 Because the kid, he kind of bombed. 1.00

02:02:01.000 Well.

02:02:01.000 He was mad.

02:02:03.000 He bombed.

02:02:04.000 He bombed.

02:02:05.000 But he was mad that his mom was out there making legitimate music.

02:02:08.000 And they just gave her a career last night. 1.00

02:02:11.000 Imagine she'll, look, Tony's such a psycho, he'll have her come and perform.

02:02:15.000 For sure. 0.90

02:02:15.000 Yeah. 0.90

02:02:16.000 She'll be the cocktail girl. 0.75

02:02:17.000 Well, I think Red Band followed her and DM'd her on the show. 0.98

02:02:20.000 On the show.

02:02:20.000 Followed her on Instagram and DM'd her.

02:02:22.000 Do you remember what her name was?

02:02:24.000 We'll follow her.

02:02:25.000 D, L-E-E. D, L-E-E. D, L-E-E. But it was like dele.official on Instagram, right?

02:02:34.000 I think so.

02:02:35.000 Jamie'll find it.

02:02:35.000 Yeah, Jamie's on it right now.

02:02:37.000 Is it D-L-E-E? I don't know if there's an apostrophe on Instagram, though.

02:02:42.000 Can you even use an apostrophe when you sign up for an Instagram name?

02:02:44.000 No, but like on her Spotify, her name was D-Lee.

02:02:47.000 Right.

02:02:48.000 It's D-Apostrophe-L-E-E on Spotify.

02:02:51.000 And now the Kill Tony fanbase is going to descend upon her. 0.80

02:02:53.000 And the JRE fanbase.

02:02:55.000 I know.

02:02:55.000 You're a kingmaker.

02:02:56.000 Let's see the photos of this lady. 1.00

02:02:58.000 Come on, man. 1.00

02:02:59.000 My dick is hard. 1.00

02:03:00.000 Let's go. 1.00

02:03:00.000 Yeah, come on. 1.00

02:03:01.000 I'm close.

02:03:01.000 I'm close, Jamie.

02:03:02.000 Yeah.

02:03:04.000 I've been edging the whole time.

02:03:05.000 Me and Sam Tal have been talking about cocks for two hours now. 0.96

02:03:09.000 Ever since the Indianapolis thing.

02:03:10.000 Jesus Christ.

02:03:11.000 Yeah.

02:03:11.000 Jesus Christ, Jamie.

02:03:13.000 Come on, man.

02:03:13.000 You're edging me.

02:03:14.000 Okay, this is the lady. 1.00

02:03:15.000 Oh, she's beautiful.

02:03:16.000 Yeah, she's... 0.99

02:03:17.000 So that's this guy's mom.

02:03:18.000 That's hilarious.

02:03:19.000 I think that's her.

02:03:20.000 That is hilarious.

02:03:21.000 Yeah, man. 0.98

02:03:22.000 And then, does she really have an OnlyFans, or are they fucking right? 0.95

02:03:24.000 No, no. 0.96

02:03:25.000 That's funny.

02:03:26.000 Yes.

02:03:27.000 When he's like, do not follow my mom's OnlyFans.

02:03:29.000 Click on followers.

02:03:30.000 Make sure this is her. 0.96

02:03:31.000 Yeah, that's her. 0.60

02:03:32.000 She got 70 followers.

02:03:33.000 She had 63 last night.

02:03:34.000 That's her. 0.88

02:03:36.000 Let's see what she has now. 0.83

02:03:38.000 70. Jamie just followed her.

02:03:40.000 No, I didn't.

02:03:41.000 You should follow her.

02:03:42.000 I'm not fucking up my algorithm. 1.00

02:03:43.000 Her brain's going to explode. 0.99

02:03:44.000 I'm not fucking up your algorithm. 1.00

02:03:46.000 I'm going to fuck up my algorithm. 0.97

02:03:49.000 I want to see where this goes. 0.87

02:03:50.000 I think it's hilarious.

02:03:51.000 It's so funny just what the power in your guys' hands, you know? 0.99

02:03:55.000 It is ridiculous. 0.81

02:03:56.000 It's in the wrong hands, for sure. 0.97

02:03:58.000 But it's also like this lady, like the son, being upset that the mother still has a dream.

02:04:04.000 Oh, she's 54!

02:04:06.000 Yeah.

02:04:06.000 So what?

02:04:07.000 She's alive.

02:04:08.000 She's a human being and she's alive.

02:04:10.000 Yeah.

02:04:11.000 Now she feels safe.

02:04:11.000 She can create now.

02:04:12.000 Why don't you let her go, you fuckhead. 1.00

02:04:15.000 W single, Kissing Frogs. 1.00

02:04:17.000 Yeah, Kissing Frogs.

02:04:18.000 That's it.

02:04:18.000 That's her.

02:04:19.000 Number 53 in the top 100 country chart.

02:04:22.000 She's a babe. 1.00

02:04:23.000 That's like the Bill Hicks joke about Iraq was the fifth largest army.

02:04:27.000 Like, yeah, but after the first three, there's a huge drop-off.

02:04:31.000 Salvation Army's number four.

02:04:33.000 She's number 53. Like, what's 52?

02:04:38.000 Did you ever know Ollie Joe Prater?

02:04:40.000 I did not.

02:04:41.000 No? 0.99

02:04:41.000 Damn, that guy's so fascinating. 0.99

02:04:43.000 Yeah? 0.99

02:04:43.000 Yeah, he has a special on YouTube. 0.99

02:04:46.000 And it's him doing like every hack line that guys did, but I think he was the first to do them.

02:04:51.000 Like he chugs a beer and he's like, that's all I learned in college.

02:04:54.000 You know, that's his opener.

02:04:56.000 I think he was a hack.

02:04:57.000 I think so.

02:04:58.000 I don't think it was like he wrote them.

02:05:00.000 I think they were out there.

02:05:02.000 Well, Hicks told a story about Ollie Joe when he got real fat and he would have to go on stage at the beginning of the show and they'd throw a sheet over him.

02:05:09.000 So he would just be on stage because he was immobile.

02:05:12.000 So the whole show hosts feature.

02:05:14.000 And then, ladies and gentlemen, Ollie Joe Prater.

02:05:15.000 And they would pull the sheet off of him.

02:05:17.000 Oh, my God.

02:05:17.000 Because he was like, you know, a big wad.

02:05:19.000 But I guess one time he was smoking under the sheet.

02:05:22.000 And he caught it on fire.

02:05:22.000 It caught on fire.

02:05:23.000 Nah! 0.99

02:05:24.000 Yeah.

02:05:25.000 Couldn't go to the opener and then the middle without a cigarette.

02:05:29.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:05:31.000 He'd be under there with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a bunch of cigs.

02:05:34.000 There's a photo of him at the Comedy Store in Hollywood, and it's him standing next to the Comedy Store.

02:05:39.000 Was it a van or a limo?

02:05:41.000 I forget.

02:05:41.000 But he's...

02:05:43.000 It's so crazy how big he is.

02:05:45.000 And he's also like 5'4".

02:05:46.000 He looks like Yosemite Sam, but morbidly obese.

02:05:48.000 He's a ball.

02:05:49.000 He's basically a ball, and he probably weighs 500 pounds.

02:05:52.000 That's how Ralphie was, especially at the end.

02:05:55.000 This is Ollie Joe Prater?

02:05:56.000 Oh, so he's thinner back then.

02:05:58.000 Yeah, this is him in his prime.

02:05:59.000 This is a sleek Ollie Joe Prater.

02:06:01.000 Yeah.

02:06:03.000 This is before he had to go on stage with a sheet.

02:06:06.000 Right.

02:06:06.000 Imagine them accommodating that.

02:06:08.000 Oh, they had to figure it out.

02:06:10.000 You roll out a 600-pound guy.

02:06:11.000 Yeah.

02:06:12.000 I could go, but I need a sheet.

02:06:15.000 He looks like a prospector.

02:06:18.000 Look at him.

02:06:20.000 The old days.

02:06:21.000 Richard Pryor, Mitzi.

02:06:23.000 Is that Dave Koechner?

02:06:25.000 Is that on the right?

02:06:26.000 Oh, that's... 1.00

02:06:27.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:06:29.000 What's his name? 1.00

02:06:32.000 Renegade white man. 0.92

02:06:36.000 Whoa.

02:06:38.000 He had a MySpace?

02:06:40.000 So MySpace is still a thing.

02:06:42.000 He died in 91, so I don't think...

02:06:43.000 Did you think MySpace is like radio in terms of how many tickets you sell?

02:06:49.000 How is that?

02:06:51.000 What is this?

02:06:52.000 Homepage for MySpace.

02:06:54.000 What is it?

02:06:57.000 Featured.

02:06:58.000 Go to Featured.

02:06:59.000 What does it say?

02:07:00.000 I'm on Featured.

02:07:01.000 Oh, okay.

02:07:01.000 Artist of the Day.

02:07:02.000 Click Artist of the Day.

02:07:03.000 Who's the Artist of the Day?

02:07:04.000 See what it says there?

02:07:05.000 What's the Artist of the Day?

02:07:06.000 This is how we used to book tours when I was in that band.

02:07:09.000 What day is this that this was made?

02:07:10.000 Is this like from 2008 or is this real?

02:07:14.000 The pictures aren't loading, so it might not be...

02:07:17.000 It might not be up anymore.

02:07:19.000 It doesn't say...

02:07:20.000 2017. 2017. Yeah.

02:07:22.000 So they gave up in 2017. Gave up the ghost.

02:07:25.000 Didn't, like, Justin Timberlake buy it or some shit? 0.99

02:07:27.000 I don't know. 0.98

02:07:28.000 Did he?

02:07:28.000 The company he owned, or he was part of...

02:07:30.000 Yeah, they bought it, like, for assets, probably, and...

02:07:34.000 That was the key.

02:07:34.000 For assets.

02:07:35.000 That's how you got bad shows at Squats.

02:07:38.000 He'd be on MySpace.

02:07:39.000 Well, once Dane Cook became famous on MySpace, then everybody figured out, like, oh my god, you can actually get famous on the internet.

02:07:46.000 He was the first guy, for sure.

02:07:48.000 June 2011, they purchased it for $35 million.

02:07:51.000 I could have saved them a lot of money.

02:07:54.000 I said, hey guys, you can give them $35.

02:07:58.000 What did they think they were going to do?

02:07:59.000 Breathe life into this corpse?

02:08:01.000 They made money.

02:08:02.000 Okay, what does it say?

02:08:03.000 Got bought a couple years later for 87. Oh, some other moron bought it. 1.00

02:08:06.000 Time. 1.00

02:08:07.000 Time bought it for 87 million.

02:08:09.000 Time?

02:08:10.000 I could have saved you some money, too.

02:08:11.000 Yeah.

02:08:12.000 Eight years later.

02:08:13.000 You are so much better off coming up with your own new social media site than trying to resurrect one that people have abandoned.

02:08:20.000 Maybe they, like, own the music that was posted on there?

02:08:22.000 Well, the weird one about MySpace is it was so popular and then not Yeah.

02:08:28.000 Almost like that.

02:08:29.000 Facebook.

02:08:30.000 But I mean, how did it lose that many people?

02:08:34.000 It wasn't cool anymore.

02:08:36.000 Facebook became cool, and young people wanted to be on Facebook.

02:08:39.000 Young Facebook is for old people. 1.00

02:08:40.000 It is, yeah.

02:08:40.000 But it's still alive, because old people, for the most part, because of healthcare advances.

02:08:45.000 Yeah.

02:08:45.000 These people, they've managed to hang in there longer.

02:08:48.000 Yeah.

02:08:50.000 They got better medication.

02:08:52.000 Oh, yeah.

02:08:52.000 These folks are staying around.

02:08:53.000 Now they can post.

02:08:54.000 Oh, my God.

02:08:55.000 I love reading people post about immigration or America or what's wrong with this country or bringing Jesus back into the school system.

02:09:05.000 I love it.

02:09:06.000 Yeah, me too.

02:09:06.000 And I love reading the arguments and the comments.

02:09:08.000 I love it.

02:09:09.000 Oh, yeah.

02:09:09.000 I love it.

02:09:10.000 Yeah.

02:09:11.000 It's good that they have a place to have these insane conversations where it's also...

02:09:15.000 Saved for everyone to watch forever.

02:09:16.000 I read them when everyone in my house is asleep. 0.99

02:09:19.000 Like, when everyone in my house is asleep and I'm procrastinating before I write, one of the things that I do is I'll go on Facebook and just read people's rants like, what the fuck are you angry about? 0.97

02:09:29.000 The Dairy Queen and Sturgis. 1.00

02:09:31.000 Yeah, just fucking people married. 1.00

02:09:32.000 They need to fix these potholes. 1.00

02:09:35.000 Like, what?

02:09:36.000 You know, the problem is the money's all going to the immigrants. 0.99

02:09:41.000 I heard Trump say they're bottoming out our Social Security.

02:09:45.000 They're just chronicling the decay of middle America.

02:09:47.000 There's gonna be a civil war in this country, I'll tell you what.

02:09:50.000 A rain's gonna come. 1.00

02:09:51.000 Let's hope not, you fuckheads. 1.00

02:09:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:54.000 Jesus Christ, don't be summoning that shit like a demon. 1.00

02:09:56.000 I know, dude. 1.00

02:09:57.000 How about we all figure out that we're being played and come together on important issues?

02:10:02.000 Like, what's real freedom, goddammit? 0.98

02:10:05.000 Be whatever the fuck you want to be, leave everybody alone, be nice. 0.99

02:10:09.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:10:09.000 Everybody. 0.98

02:10:10.000 You do it over there, I'll do it over here.

02:10:12.000 Yeah, and if I want to go over there and watch, let me watch a little bit of that.

02:10:15.000 For sure. 0.94

02:10:16.000 Let me see that fat guy dance around. 0.96

02:10:17.000 Exactly. 0.98

02:10:17.000 And I'll teach you how to clean a gun. 0.98

02:10:20.000 I'll show you how to shoot a bow and arrow.

02:10:22.000 Yeah.

02:10:22.000 Let's have fun.

02:10:24.000 We're way more connected in this country than we are separate.

02:10:29.000 Everybody wants the same thing.

02:10:31.000 We need to get that in our head and no one's telling us that.

02:10:34.000 Everyone's telling us that there's these battles for our existence.

02:10:39.000 The very soul of this nation.

02:10:40.000 Yeah, the soul of democracy.

02:10:42.000 This isn't even a democracy.

02:10:45.000 It's a republic.

02:10:47.000 And it's an oligarchy, really.

02:10:49.000 Yeah.

02:10:49.000 Yeah, it's just corporations on the country.

02:10:50.000 It is now.

02:10:51.000 Yeah.

02:10:52.000 The money, it's just people lost their way.

02:10:56.000 The guys who founded this country, they did a great job of preparing for the worst.

02:11:00.000 Oh, yeah.

02:11:01.000 But they didn't understand how big it was going to get.

02:11:04.000 How could they?

02:11:05.000 Also, if you love freedom of speech and freedom of religion and freedom to gather, you also then have to love the Second Amendment.

02:11:12.000 Yeah.

02:11:12.000 Like, that's the big thing that divides me from, like, my more liberal friends is, like, they're into all freedoms except for the one that, like, allows you to protect yourself and your family.

02:11:20.000 You know what I mean?

02:11:21.000 Well, I understand why they do it.

02:11:23.000 I do.

02:11:24.000 I understand why they feel that way.

02:11:26.000 It's because gun violence is abhorrent.

02:11:28.000 It's a horrible thing.

02:11:29.000 It's bad.

02:11:29.000 You hear about gun violence is terrible.

02:11:30.000 It's an American problem. 0.88

02:11:32.000 It is an American problem. 0.91

02:11:33.000 Mm-hmm.

02:11:34.000 But...

02:11:36.000 But the problem exists, right?

02:11:37.000 So we don't live in a utopian world where people don't try to impose themselves on you.

02:11:41.000 And especially for someone who's not physically strong or large, it's the great equalizer.

02:11:49.000 If a woman is being attacked, the great equalizer is a gun. 1.00

02:11:51.000 It's not karate.

02:11:53.000 It's just not.

02:11:54.000 As a person who's a martial artist for their whole life, I'm telling you, it's not the move.

02:11:57.000 The move is a gun.

02:11:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:11:59.000 Some fucking asshole breaks into your house and wants to rape you when you're a woman. 1.00

02:12:02.000 The answer is a gun. 1.00

02:12:03.000 Right.

02:12:03.000 And the cops take too long to get there.

02:12:06.000 For sure.

02:12:06.000 And then you defunded the cops because you thought you're being cute.

02:12:09.000 Yeah.

02:12:09.000 Because you wanted to show you weren't racist.

02:12:10.000 And now, guess what?

02:12:12.000 It's way worse for everybody, including the people of color, including the people, especially the people who live in bad communities.

02:12:18.000 Yeah.

02:12:18.000 Because the cops are never going there now.

02:12:20.000 So all the people that wanted to avoid all that shit, and the cops were the only thing keeping the wolves away from the door, now you're dealing with it head on. 0.96

02:12:27.000 And those are the people that are calling for the refunding of the police. 1.00

02:12:29.000 The people in these fucked up neighborhoods. 0.99

02:12:31.000 And that's why you need guns, you know? 0.99

02:12:34.000 And it's not like, the argument to have guns to protect yourself against the government, the government will nuke you.

02:12:39.000 The government can send in drones.

02:12:41.000 Sure.

02:12:41.000 I don't think that a bunch of people that are...

02:12:43.000 Capable with the submachine guns are gonna be able to defend against the fuckin' all-time greatest army in the world. 0.91

02:12:49.000 Yeah.

02:12:50.000 You know?

02:12:50.000 But it is like, you know, you have a little peace of mind, and you can buy a little bit of, uh, you can sleep a little bit sounder knowing you got that 9mm in the drawer.

02:12:58.000 It helps.

02:12:58.000 Yeah.

02:12:59.000 And it's also...

02:13:01.000 You know, the idea that the government...

02:13:03.000 Here's the problem.

02:13:04.000 The government is people, right?

02:13:06.000 So the military is people.

02:13:07.000 And the people that are in the military are the least likely to go along with this idea, because most of them are blue collar.

02:13:15.000 Most of them are lower middle class, lower class. 0.78

02:13:18.000 They're people that are struggling in this world. 0.99

02:13:21.000 And they don't have trust in this fucking institution that's telling you to attack their neighbors, because the neighbors are not compliant with some evil dictators. 1.00

02:13:28.000 Good luck pulling that shit off. 1.00

02:13:30.000 That's where civil war happens. 1.00

02:13:31.000 That's when the army has to turn its guns on their friends and family.

02:13:35.000 That's gonna be a real tough sell.

02:13:36.000 Yeah.

02:13:38.000 I think the ideological civil war is much more likely to take place.

02:13:42.000 That something, some existential notion, something that we all agree is the end of our society, our civilization as we know it, if we don't do X, Y, or Z. And then on one side people oppose it, and on one side people support it,

02:13:58.000 and then they start stripping rights away.

02:14:00.000 And they start, like, fueling the flames to get this done.

02:14:05.000 It's really possible that we could have a civil war in this country.

02:14:08.000 The way people are so divided left and right today is bizarre.

02:14:12.000 Fully accentuated by not just social media, but social media that's being operated by other countries. 0.54

02:14:20.000 We talked about this before, but 19 of the top 20 Facebook Christian pages are run by Russian trolls.

02:14:27.000 19. So there's 20 of the top Christian sites on Facebook.

02:14:34.000 Millions of people are interacting. 0.75

02:14:36.000 Nineteen of them are run by Russian troll farms.

02:14:39.000 And the other one's the Westboro Baptist Church.

02:14:42.000 You would hope that one would be legit.

02:14:44.000 Yeah.

02:14:45.000 You know? 1.00

02:14:46.000 One would be legit, but there's a lot of bullshit online, and it's because we're so susceptible to bullshit. 1.00

02:14:52.000 We love it. 1.00

02:14:53.000 Yeah.

02:14:54.000 Makes sense.

02:14:55.000 It's an easy solution.

02:14:57.000 This quotable thing that I read on my aunt's Facebook, you know?

02:15:02.000 Do you think that comedy is going to be affected by AI? No, because comedy is like one of the only live things that you have to do.

02:15:09.000 You know, you have to see it live for it to be very good.

02:15:11.000 You can watch comedy specials, but they're not as good as being in the room.

02:15:15.000 I think that we're protected by that.

02:15:17.000 And an AI comedy special, as of lately...

02:15:21.000 And again, it changes so fast.

02:15:23.000 It's so quick. 0.99

02:15:24.000 But the ones that I've seen, like the George Carlin one, they made up and they suck. 0.98

02:15:27.000 They just feel fake. 0.98

02:15:29.000 Yeah.

02:15:30.000 It lacks the human heart.

02:15:32.000 The soul of the thing isn't in there.

02:15:34.000 It lacks the signature of the individual, an actual soul.

02:15:39.000 And you can't teach timing, you know?

02:15:42.000 Is AI going to learn timing?

02:15:43.000 I wonder.

02:15:44.000 All these little intangible parts of being a good stand-up?

02:15:47.000 I think it ultimately will.

02:15:49.000 Will AI go and start doing crowd work when they're bombing?

02:15:53.000 No.

02:15:54.000 I don't think so.

02:15:55.000 I don't think it's going to be able to perform in front of a crowd.

02:15:57.000 I think, but AI specials might be a thing.

02:15:59.000 Well.

02:16:00.000 Because they've already got really good AI rap songs.

02:16:02.000 For sure.

02:16:03.000 Yeah.

02:16:04.000 And AI deep fakes, you know?

02:16:05.000 Yeah. 0.91

02:16:06.000 The crazy pornography you can see. 1.00

02:16:07.000 Oh yeah, crazy shit. 1.00

02:16:08.000 I mean, everybody's fucking... 1.00

02:16:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:16:11.000 Putin banging Marilyn Monroe.

02:16:12.000 Oh, yeah.

02:16:12.000 Yeah.

02:16:13.000 It's good stuff.

02:16:14.000 Yeah.

02:16:14.000 Gets me there.

02:16:15.000 Imagine if that's what porn becomes.

02:16:19.000 Instead of, you know, you're like, oh, it's like taking advantage of these people.

02:16:23.000 No, no, no.

02:16:24.000 These aren't even real people.

02:16:25.000 Right.

02:16:25.000 This is just a fantasy.

02:16:27.000 This lady gets stuck in the dryer. 1.00

02:16:28.000 Right. 1.00

02:16:29.000 And she's asking you to pull her out with your cock, and it's the only way. 1.00

02:16:32.000 And it's also your ex from college. 1.00

02:16:35.000 You can, like, upload her Instagram into the Matrix, and then next thing you know, you're jerking off to this unrequited love.

02:16:40.000 And then the government finds out that you're doing that, and then the stormtroopers break down your door and find her and you with your pants down on the computer.

02:16:48.000 And then you go to Thought Police Jail.

02:16:50.000 Hey, man.

02:16:51.000 That's one of the better jails you can go to for mind crimes.

02:16:54.000 Right.

02:16:55.000 As opposed to violent crime jail.

02:16:56.000 Probably cool neighbors.

02:16:57.000 Oh, for sure.

02:16:58.000 You're in jail with thought police people.

02:16:59.000 Curious people.

02:17:00.000 Yeah, interesting people.

02:17:01.000 Just asking questions.

02:17:02.000 Just trying to find out.

02:17:03.000 Yeah, inquisitive souls. 0.96

02:17:04.000 I just want to know, why can't I jerk off to this deep fake of my high school sweetheart? 0.97

02:17:08.000 What am I doing? 0.98

02:17:09.000 I'm not hurting anyone.

02:17:10.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:17:11.000 That's like the argument for like, give pedophiles like AI porn of children, you know? 0.91

02:17:16.000 Because then they can like satisfy their terrible urge. 0.99

02:17:20.000 I've heard even worse.

02:17:21.000 I've heard give them robot dolls. 0.78

02:17:23.000 Of course, I've heard that too.

02:17:24.000 But I think that's a bridge too far.

02:17:25.000 It's all of a bridge too far. 0.97

02:17:27.000 It's all fucking weird. 0.95

02:17:28.000 I know. 0.98

02:17:29.000 Because so many people are trying to equate pedophilia with what they're calling minor attracted persons.

02:17:35.000 I know, they're trying to rebrand it.

02:17:37.000 How weird.

02:17:38.000 How weird that they would give that one a go.

02:17:40.000 The ultimate evil?

02:17:41.000 Yeah, let's put a new spin on this.

02:17:42.000 Why would you want to give that one a go?

02:17:43.000 Remember New Coke? 0.87

02:17:44.000 We've got new pedophiles.

02:17:48.000 But isn't it just like it's indicative of this thing that we're talking about that most people aren't even really thinking about things clearly.

02:17:53.000 Yeah.

02:17:54.000 They're just subscribing.

02:17:55.000 Mm-hmm.

02:17:56.000 Well, it's easy.

02:17:56.000 If someone you think is smart tells you, you know, what to think, then you are unburdened by having to make your own decisions.

02:18:02.000 Especially if it seems compassionate.

02:18:04.000 Yeah.

02:18:04.000 Like, you're being kind to these people that are just minor, attractive persons.

02:18:07.000 I know.

02:18:08.000 It's not their fault.

02:18:08.000 Yeah.

02:18:09.000 They're born that way. 1.00

02:18:10.000 It's like, great, they're born that way, but if they act upon it, they should be beheaded. 1.00

02:18:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:18:13.000 You know? 0.99

02:18:14.000 In Times Square.

02:18:15.000 Oh, yeah.

02:18:16.000 For all to see.

02:18:17.000 In the middle of the city.

02:18:17.000 Make an example of it.

02:18:18.000 Yeah, make an example.

02:18:19.000 Cover them in honey, feed them to ants. 0.99

02:18:20.000 The problem is the media is completely full of shit, and so is the government, and they would decide, you know, Sam Talent's been making a lot of noise. 0.99

02:18:26.000 I don't want to be the face of this movement show. 1.00

02:18:28.000 Let's upload some fucking nasty shit onto his computer, which they definitely have done before to people. 0.99

02:18:34.000 And then, you know, you have to defend it. 1.00

02:18:36.000 And so then all of a sudden there's newspapers.

02:18:40.000 Sam Tallent in jail for porn.

02:18:42.000 Right. 0.95

02:18:42.000 Child porn. 0.95

02:18:43.000 Like, oh my god. 0.99

02:18:44.000 Yeah.

02:18:44.000 That's all I need.

02:18:45.000 And then the people are out there, hang him, hang him, hang him. 0.99

02:18:49.000 Well, no news is bad news, you know? 0.99

02:18:51.000 It'd help me sell in certain markets.

02:18:54.000 It probably would.

02:18:55.000 In certain places, they'd be like, I like that guy. 0.95

02:18:58.000 The great pedophile comedian. 0.98

02:18:59.000 Yeah, like New Mexico, where they used to send the pedophile priests. 0.97

02:19:02.000 Yeah, what was that about?

02:19:04.000 Well, they send them all over the place for sure, but there was a few states that had very suspect laws.

02:19:09.000 Were they sending them to like the reservation and stuff?

02:19:12.000 They definitely did that too.

02:19:13.000 Yeah, I know that.

02:19:13.000 But one of the things that some states, and I think New Mexico was one of them, had bizarre laws.

02:19:20.000 Like the age of consent for a girl, like for a man to be with a girl, was like, the girl to be 16. Okay. 0.92

02:19:27.000 But the age of consent for a boy and a man was like 13. What?!

02:19:32.000 Yeah.

02:19:33.000 That's some creative accounting.

02:19:35.000 Right.

02:19:35.000 They're cooking the books.

02:19:36.000 Where'd you come up with that?

02:19:37.000 Yeah.

02:19:38.000 And I think the reason being was to exonerate pedophiles.

02:19:43.000 Oh, that makes sense. 0.96

02:19:44.000 That were like religious pedophiles. 0.98

02:19:46.000 It was consensual. 0.95

02:19:47.000 Did you ever see Hear No Evil or is it See No Evil?

02:19:51.000 I think it's See No Evil.

02:19:52.000 But it's it's it just is really essentially a documentary tracking how all these different pedophiles got moved into areas. 0.99

02:20:00.000 They follow this one specific one where this guy had molested who knows how many fucking kids. 0.98

02:20:05.000 One of them was a guy. 0.99

02:20:07.000 This was what made Ratzinger have to step down when that Pope stepped down.

02:20:12.000 He was responsible for sending this one guy, he got caught being a pedophile, so they sent him to a new location where he molested 100 deaf kids.

02:20:22.000 That must have sounded terrible in that room.

02:20:25.000 Yeah, and no one knows.

02:20:26.000 You're screaming. 0.93

02:20:27.000 The fact that you think Catholic priest, you think pedophile. 0.96

02:20:35.000 Like that. 0.88

02:20:37.000 Yeah, they're synonymous.

02:20:38.000 Instantaneously.

02:20:39.000 You don't...

02:20:40.000 How many did there have to be before that became completely...

02:20:44.000 It's not like occasionally the UPS driver is a car thief.

02:20:49.000 You know what I mean?

02:20:50.000 Yeah.

02:20:51.000 When I think UPS, I don't think Kia boy. 1.00

02:20:53.000 Right.

02:20:54.000 Exactly.

02:20:54.000 When I think priest, I do think in a boy.

02:21:00.000 But yeah, it's...

02:21:01.000 But their laws were set up, I think, in some states.

02:21:06.000 I think that's the suspicion.

02:21:07.000 That's a very good hypothesis.

02:21:10.000 Yeah.

02:21:11.000 Because you're never going to get rid of it, you know?

02:21:14.000 Just make it so it's not too illegal.

02:21:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:21:17.000 Oh, he only missed the age by a year.

02:21:19.000 Come on.

02:21:20.000 The kid was 11. He was really grown.

02:21:23.000 He was a tall kid.

02:21:24.000 He was a tall kid.

02:21:25.000 Pubes are ready.

02:21:26.000 He's precocious.

02:21:27.000 What's the big deal?

02:21:28.000 He likes candy.

02:21:31.000 I really...

02:21:32.000 New Mexico is so weird, dude.

02:21:34.000 It's a weird place.

02:21:35.000 Cockfighting was legal until like eight years ago.

02:21:37.000 It's still legal in some places.

02:21:38.000 I think cockfighting is legal in multiple states.

02:21:40.000 It was Louisiana and New Mexico were the last holdouts.

02:21:43.000 Were they?

02:21:44.000 Yeah.

02:21:45.000 Is this for sure?

02:21:46.000 I think so.

02:21:47.000 What states have cockfighting still legal? 0.92

02:21:49.000 I don't think any are legal, but I think those were the last two.

02:21:52.000 I had a gardener that used to cockfight. 0.96

02:21:54.000 I went to his house once and...

02:21:58.000 He had snuck over from Mexico, and he would go back and forth.

02:22:02.000 One time he said, I'm going to be gone for like six months.

02:22:04.000 I'm like, what are you doing?

02:22:05.000 He's like, I'm going back to Mexico.

02:22:06.000 I go, when are you coming back?

02:22:07.000 He goes, I don't know if I'm going to be able to get back.

02:22:09.000 I'm going to try.

02:22:10.000 I go, well, when you try, you know where I'm at.

02:22:13.000 Let me know.

02:22:14.000 I go, just get somebody else to take care of it while you're gone.

02:22:16.000 Just holler at me when you get back.

02:22:18.000 Did he go back to cockfight?

02:22:20.000 No, he went back just to go back to Mexico for a little bit.

02:22:23.000 And he eventually went back to Mexico to move.

02:22:25.000 He eventually gave up on America one day.

02:22:27.000 But he was my gardener for like 10 years.

02:22:29.000 Cool guy.

02:22:31.000 But he goes, do you want to see the cockfights?

02:22:34.000 I was like, yeah, let's see what that's like.

02:22:36.000 So he took me to a neighborhood in Los Angeles that I might as well have been in Mexico.

02:22:41.000 There was no non-Mexican people there in the neighborhood.

02:22:46.000 Everybody spoke Spanish.

02:22:47.000 All the signs were in Spanish.

02:22:49.000 It was like, wow, this is like a whole little area that I wasn't aware of.

02:22:54.000 So we go to his friend's house, and we go into the backyard, and his friend had stacks upon stacks of chicken coops.

02:23:00.000 Wow.

02:23:01.000 Just everywhere.

02:23:02.000 Roosters everywhere.

02:23:03.000 I was like, this is nuts, man. 0.99

02:23:05.000 I go, what the fuck does the morning sound like here? 0.99

02:23:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:23:08.000 And he was like, but everybody has chickens.

02:23:09.000 It's no big deal.

02:23:10.000 I was like, everybody has chickens?

02:23:12.000 And there was like, this guy over there, you go to his backyard, filled with roosters.

02:23:17.000 This guy over there, his backyard, filled with roosters.

02:23:20.000 Yeah.

02:23:20.000 And they would get them together.

02:23:21.000 Everybody would get together and gamble.

02:23:23.000 They would all drink.

02:23:24.000 They'd have the chicken fight.

02:23:25.000 One chicken would lose.

02:23:26.000 They would boil them and eat them. 0.60

02:23:28.000 And he's like, we're gonna eat them anyway.

02:23:30.000 Of course.

02:23:30.000 But it's just the way we gamble.

02:23:32.000 Yeah, and then one will die with pride.

02:23:34.000 Yeah.

02:23:36.000 I mean, it's barbaric, but I bet it's a hell of a show.

02:23:38.000 They put razors on their claws. 0.75

02:23:39.000 That's where I lose interest. 0.91

02:23:41.000 Well, that's the only way to get them to kill each other. 0.80

02:23:42.000 Really? 1.00

02:23:42.000 Otherwise, they just peck each other and fucking get tired. 1.00

02:23:45.000 Got a couple of fun facts here for you. 0.99

02:23:46.000 Okay.

02:23:47.000 An article from last year, New York Times, about cockfighting.

02:23:52.000 According to some rooster men, the game fowl, or fighting chicken, was almost chosen to be the national bird of America.

02:23:59.000 And it should have, a breeder once told me.

02:24:01.000 An eagle ain't nothing more than a glorified buzzard. 1.00

02:24:04.000 That guy's an idiot. 1.00

02:24:06.000 Eagles are majestic. 1.00

02:24:07.000 Eagles are fucking amazing. 1.00

02:24:08.000 They catch salmon with their feet, you fucking retard. 1.00

02:24:11.000 Right, they do war in the sky. 1.00

02:24:13.000 Such game fowl lore and sentiment abound. 0.94

02:24:15.000 George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were devouted rooster fighters.

02:24:19.000 They were devoted rooster fighters?

02:24:20.000 George Washington?

02:24:22.000 Union and Confederate soldiers put aside their differences on Sundays during the Civil War to pit their chickens against one another.

02:24:29.000 This is the solution to that partisanship that you've been talking about.

02:24:33.000 Abraham Lincoln was given the nickname Honest Abe after he displayed impartiality as a cockfighting judge.

02:24:44.000 USA. What?

02:24:46.000 They fought them on the White House lawn.

02:24:48.000 They fought them right on the White House lawn, says David Thurston, president of the United Gamefowl Breeders Association, a national non-profit dedicated to the bird's preservation.

02:24:58.000 Wow.

02:24:59.000 Wow.

02:24:59.000 Wow!

02:25:00.000 Man, this country.

02:25:01.000 There's so many different stitches in the fabric of this place.

02:25:03.000 Let's end on that high note, Sam Talent.

02:25:06.000 Tell everybody where they can see your special.

02:25:09.000 You can see it on Matt and Shane's YouTube page.

02:25:13.000 What is it called?

02:25:14.000 The Toad's Morale.

02:25:15.000 I mean their YouTube page.

02:25:17.000 I think it's called Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast YouTube.

02:25:19.000 Oh, okay.

02:25:20.000 And it's called The Toad's Morale.

02:25:22.000 Yeah.

02:25:22.000 And I also have a new travel show on my YouTube.

02:25:26.000 If you want to subscribe to my YouTube, that'd be huge.

02:25:28.000 Come see me live, Pittsburgh, Detroit, coming your way.

02:25:31.000 Nice.

02:25:31.000 Yeah, man.

02:25:32.000 My podcast is good.

02:25:33.000 There it is?

02:25:34.000 Yeah.

02:25:35.000 This is the travel show.

02:25:36.000 This is the same town's worldwide tour.

02:25:37.000 Nice.

02:25:37.000 Yeah, same town's wide world, man.

02:25:39.000 Tokyo.

02:25:39.000 Super proud of this.

02:25:40.000 Nice.

02:25:41.000 Me and my boy Patrick.

02:25:42.000 Beautiful.

02:25:43.000 Yeah, dude.

02:25:43.000 Shout out, Jack.

02:25:44.000 You're doing fun stuff, dude.

02:25:46.000 It's been cool to get to know you and you're a very funny guy and a cool guy.

02:25:49.000 Thank you, dude.

02:25:49.000 It's been a lot of fun.

02:25:49.000 I appreciate you, man.

02:25:50.000 I appreciate you, too.

02:25:51.000 Thanks for helping me change my life.

02:25:53.000 Oh, please.

02:25:53.000 Thank you.

02:25:54.000 More to come.

02:25:54.000 You're going to feel weird about being rich.

02:25:57.000 I can't wait.

02:25:58.000 All right.

02:25:58.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - July 11, 2024

Joe Rogan Experience #2175 - Sam Tallent

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Transcript