The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2176 - Chad Daniels

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:03.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!

00:00:12.000 Hello, Chad.

00:00:13.000 Hi.

00:00:13.000 What's happening, man?

00:00:14.000 Nothing much.

00:00:14.000 Nice to meet you in person.

00:00:15.000 Yeah, likewise.

00:00:16.000 We were already chatting about how Google is totally listening to me.

00:00:21.000 Right.

00:00:22.000 Confirmed, 100%.

00:00:23.000 Because your Google News Feed is always, like, stuff that you're interested in, pretty much.

00:00:29.000 Yep.

00:00:29.000 But I was having a conversation with my wife about purses, and she was explaining to me that certain purses, like, you can't just buy the purse.

00:00:35.000 You have to develop a relationship with a store owner.

00:00:38.000 Like, what?

00:00:39.000 I don't get that.

00:00:40.000 You think if you're trying to sell stuff, you'd want to sell it right when they came in.

00:00:43.000 Exactly.

00:00:44.000 I don't get it.

00:00:45.000 But, like, there's a thing that certain, like, posh people really love, and it's exclusivity.

00:00:50.000 Sure.

00:00:51.000 They love it.

00:00:51.000 I'm the only one that can get this watch.

00:00:53.000 I'm the only one that can get this fucking purse or whatever it is. 0.99

00:00:55.000 So anyway... 0.99

00:00:57.000 All of a sudden, Google starts showing me purse things.

00:01:01.000 They start showing me all this stuff about purses.

00:01:03.000 I didn't look anything up about purses.

00:01:07.000 I just had a conversation with the phone set at the dinner table.

00:01:09.000 That's crazy.

00:01:11.000 Yeah, it happens all the time.

00:01:12.000 It ends up in your feed.

00:01:13.000 You're like, oh, my forearms are too small.

00:01:15.000 Next thing you know, you got these flexi deals and the Gorilla Grip deal thingy that spins around.

00:01:20.000 There's no doubt it happens.

00:01:22.000 There's 100% no doubt it happens.

00:01:24.000 Because that is the only explanation for that showing up.

00:01:27.000 Because generally, it's always the same stuff.

00:01:29.000 Same kind of things that I'm interested in.

00:01:32.000 Stuff that I click on.

00:01:33.000 UFOs, MMA, you know, some new car, something.

00:01:36.000 It's like, it makes sense.

00:01:37.000 And I'm like, why are they showing me three different articles about purses? 0.98

00:01:41.000 What the fuck is going on? 1.00

00:01:43.000 You fucking creeps. 1.00

00:01:45.000 Ew. 1.00

00:01:47.000 Ew.

00:01:48.000 Is that legal?

00:01:50.000 How does that work?

00:01:51.000 Do you have to sign off on that on the app?

00:01:53.000 Like, if you're using the Google News app, are you signing off on that?

00:01:55.000 There are multiple ways that you may have opted in to something that's allowing that to happen, yeah.

00:02:01.000 Jesus.

00:02:02.000 I haven't read any of those things.

00:02:04.000 Nobody reads those things.

00:02:04.000 I scroll to the bottom, hit the thing.

00:02:06.000 If you read them, you're a psycho. 0.97

00:02:08.000 If you're sitting there reading those things- How long would it take you? 0.99

00:02:10.000 Forever.

00:02:11.000 Yeah.

00:02:11.000 Like, how big is the Apple one?

00:02:13.000 It's three full scrolls.

00:02:16.000 Yeah.

00:02:17.000 Apple's pretty good about stuff.

00:02:19.000 I think they're probably the best about that because they're the first company that actually stepped in and said, we're going to stop companies from being able to share your information.

00:02:30.000 They're the first.

00:02:32.000 What exactly did they do, Jamie?

00:02:35.000 They made some sort of a big deal.

00:02:37.000 It was an advertising move and a lot of people got pissed off at them for it.

00:02:42.000 It might have been the ability to opt out.

00:02:44.000 I think they might have given you the option to opt out on the settings of the iOS for the first time.

00:02:50.000 I'll check.

00:02:50.000 Something like that.

00:02:51.000 I think you're right.

00:02:52.000 Something like that.

00:02:53.000 But a bunch of people are like, this is going to affect our advertising.

00:02:56.000 But yeah, you guys are stealing money.

00:02:58.000 Stop doing that.

00:02:59.000 I spend my mornings going through my emails unsubscribing to stuff.

00:03:04.000 It's just too much.

00:03:05.000 There's companies.

00:03:06.000 One of our ads.

00:03:08.000 Which one is that?

00:03:09.000 They'll go out and find the subscriptions.

00:03:12.000 Which one is that?

00:03:14.000 Jamie will find it.

00:03:15.000 Oh, like they go find it and let you know what you're subscribed to?

00:03:19.000 And you're like, oh, National Geographic?

00:03:20.000 Still?

00:03:21.000 You know, whatever it is.

00:03:22.000 Oh, God.

00:03:23.000 I am leaking money.

00:03:24.000 I'm sure.

00:03:25.000 Apparently everybody is.

00:03:27.000 It's just you get so accustomed to subscribing.

00:03:29.000 Like, oh, that'll be easy.

00:03:31.000 I'll get the cereal every month. 1.00

00:03:32.000 Yeah, no shit. 0.99

00:03:33.000 I'm five years into a lot of week-long subscriptions, free subscriptions. 0.99

00:03:37.000 Yeah.

00:03:38.000 Well, that was how they used to get you.

00:03:39.000 How old are you?

00:03:40.000 49. Okay, you might be old enough to remember.

00:03:43.000 I'm 56. Do you remember those Columbia Record House deals?

00:03:46.000 Oh, hell yeah.

00:03:47.000 Nobody paid for that! 0.89

00:03:49.000 How did they make any money?

00:03:51.000 I still have collection coming in.

00:03:53.000 Everybody does.

00:03:54.000 I feel like that was a way that they made artists seem more popular than they were.

00:04:00.000 I think that was part of their deals.

00:04:02.000 They could say they sold, you know, millions and millions of records.

00:04:06.000 I also think it was probably a way that they could rip artists off Because they could say, we lost all this money on Columbia.

00:04:13.000 They could factor it in and say, I know it seems like you sold a million copies, but actually 400,000 of them are Columbia, and nobody's paid for them.

00:04:24.000 The MC Hammer clause.

00:04:25.000 Is that what it was?

00:04:26.000 I don't know, but he's that guy.

00:04:28.000 Did that happen to him?

00:04:29.000 I know that his record deal screwed him over, had it filed for bankruptcy, all that stuff.

00:04:34.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

00:04:36.000 He went full MC Hammer, too.

00:04:38.000 He went crazy.

00:04:39.000 Like, he was, like, getting some house built.

00:04:41.000 I remember it was, like, the most extravagant house.

00:04:43.000 He had, like, this super expensive marble that was being brought in, and, you know, and then they just, I guess they pulled the rug out from under him. 1.00

00:04:50.000 Yeah, those dirty bastards. 0.99

00:04:53.000 I don't know the whole story behind the MC Hammer thing, but they for sure... 1.00

00:05:00.000 Don't want to pay you all that money.

00:05:02.000 Oh, no way.

00:05:03.000 If you look at royalties for comics, it's.00, like, 15 zeros, and then one cent.

00:05:11.000 Oh, yeah, you get nothing.

00:05:12.000 For audio, for comedy audio, you get nothing.

00:05:15.000 You get nothing.

00:05:16.000 It's always been like that, though.

00:05:19.000 Especially comedy albums. 0.98

00:05:20.000 After, like, 1980, who fucking bought comedy albums? 0.94

00:05:24.000 I mean, I don't know, but it's like... 0.96

00:05:27.000 Plus the lawsuit.

00:05:28.000 You know about the lawsuit?

00:05:29.000 Which one?

00:05:30.000 They had to take a bunch of people off of Pandora and Spotify and everything because of the lawsuit that they went...

00:05:36.000 They were trying to get writer and performance credits.

00:05:40.000 Who was trying to get it?

00:05:42.000 Just a company.

00:05:43.000 It was...

00:05:44.000 I can't remember what it's called.

00:05:47.000 Jamie can find it.

00:05:48.000 Okay.

00:05:48.000 So, what else were you finding?

00:05:51.000 Experian was the company that does the subscription.

00:05:52.000 Okay, Experian.

00:05:53.000 That's good to do.

00:05:54.000 Yeah, so they'll find your subscriptions and they'll yank them.

00:05:56.000 So...

00:05:57.000 What is the company that's doing this?

00:05:58.000 So you had all these royalties coming in, and then all of a sudden, there was a bunch of estates, like the Robin Williams estate, I think maybe George Carlin.

00:06:08.000 They were like, hey, we should be getting more money for this, because it's 50-50 split.

00:06:13.000 But songwriters are getting a writer credit and a performance credit.

00:06:17.000 And so they wanted comics to do that.

00:06:19.000 But that doesn't really make sense because comedians are like, I'm not using your bits.

00:06:25.000 Right.

00:06:26.000 And so you wouldn't get a writing credit for my performance.

00:06:28.000 Right.

00:06:28.000 So it was strange.

00:06:29.000 And so then Pandora was like, fuck this. 0.99

00:06:32.000 We're pulling everything down and pulled a bunch of guys off, including myself. 0.99

00:06:36.000 Right.

00:06:37.000 I still don't totally understand.

00:06:38.000 So, who wanted the credit, like when you say writer and then performer credit?

00:06:42.000 Was that to the comics, so the comics would get paid twice?

00:06:45.000 Yeah.

00:06:45.000 Okay, so instead of like an artist that didn't write their song, the comics are like, no, we deserve to get paid twice because we created the entire content.

00:06:52.000 Exactly.

00:06:53.000 And Pandora was like, no, we can't do that?

00:06:55.000 Right, because the writers, I mean, like when you're singing a song and someone else wrote it, that makes sense.

00:07:00.000 Right, right, right.

00:07:00.000 But no one's doing anybody's bits.

00:07:02.000 Right.

00:07:03.000 So, like, I can't sit up here and do a Hedberg bit.

00:07:05.000 And if you are, you probably bought them from them, you know?

00:07:09.000 Yeah, so there was some sort of agreement.

00:07:11.000 Yeah.

00:07:11.000 I bought a heckle line once from a buddy of mine back in Boston.

00:07:17.000 It's such a dumb line. 0.98

00:07:18.000 Brian Fraser, the comedian. 0.99

00:07:20.000 The joke was, to someone in the audience that's heckling you, like, this is my impression of God when he made you. 1.00

00:07:27.000 Okay, just a dash of cunt. 1.00

00:07:29.000 Oh, no, the cap fell off! 1.00

00:07:32.000 Too much cunt! 1.00

00:07:35.000 How much did you pay for it? 1.00

00:07:36.000 I don't remember.

00:07:38.000 I think it was $500.

00:07:40.000 I don't remember.

00:07:42.000 But it was such a great line.

00:07:43.000 I was like, dude, that's a hilarious line.

00:07:45.000 He's like, I'll never use it.

00:07:46.000 I go, sell it to me. 1.00

00:07:47.000 I'll fucking use it. 0.99

00:07:48.000 But, you know, I was like a year into comedy. 0.99

00:07:51.000 I was like, you know, when you're a year into comedy, anything that works, it's like you have tools.

00:07:56.000 You have just like a toolbox and anything that works.

00:07:58.000 They're so precious.

00:07:59.000 And you're so scared to write new ones.

00:08:01.000 Ah!

00:08:02.000 Ah!

00:08:02.000 Yeah, you start to freak out, and then you're like, oh, this come-and-go gas station bit always works.

00:08:07.000 Right.

00:08:08.000 So you fall back on that. 0.99

00:08:10.000 Right, and even that sucks.

00:08:13.000 The problem is when you're starting out, you say things in a very specific way, and that might not be the best way to say that bit, but that's the way you're kind of stuck saying it.

00:08:22.000 Yeah.

00:08:23.000 That is a problem with bits.

00:08:25.000 Even today, I'm working on a new one, and I'm like, I don't know about this.

00:08:30.000 I feel like there's another way to say this, and I'm just banking on the way that I've been saying it over and over and over again, and maybe I should just abandon it and let it sit there for a bit and come back to it.

00:08:40.000 So I didn't work summers for a long time.

00:08:42.000 I have two kids.

00:08:43.000 And when they were in high school, I'd always be home during the summer.

00:08:47.000 And I found that in September, I would always be able to fix bits a little bit better because I let them sit.

00:08:55.000 I almost forgot about them.

00:08:56.000 You know how it starts.

00:08:57.000 And then your brain is like, I have to get to this point, but I can't remember how I got there.

00:09:01.000 And so then you start to put it together a little differently.

00:09:03.000 They're probably working in the back of your head subconsciously, too, because even though you're not doing comedy for three months, you're still probably thinking, in three months I'm going to do comedy.

00:09:12.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:09:13.000 So it's probably like working in the background.

00:09:15.000 Most likely.

00:09:16.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:09:17.000 That's what they say sleeping on it is all about.

00:09:20.000 Yeah, like if you're the piano piece, if you can't figure it out, you play it before you go to bed a bunch of times, and then all of a sudden the next morning you wake up and you're like, fiddle-a-doo.

00:09:27.000 There's been a few times where I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, and I realized how to fix a joke.

00:09:33.000 Yeah, it's just like all of a sudden you're like, oh, that's it.

00:09:36.000 That's it.

00:09:37.000 It just needed one more little ingredient.

00:09:39.000 It is a fun eureka moment when you fix a bit.

00:09:41.000 Dude, what is it?

00:09:43.000 Where is it coming from?

00:09:44.000 Like where is the joy coming from?

00:09:46.000 No, where is the ideas coming from? 0.99

00:09:48.000 Where the fuck are they coming from? 0.98

00:09:49.000 I think they do sit. 1.00

00:09:50.000 I think there's a part back there that's just constantly going and we don't hear about it. 0.98

00:09:54.000 And then when it's done, they're like, get it to the fucking front.

00:09:57.000 Yeah, but even the creation of an idea is so mysterious.

00:10:02.000 I mean, that's why people invoke the concept of the muse.

00:10:05.000 You know, that's the Steven Pressfield, he like swears by it.

00:10:08.000 The War of Art book is all about the muse, about summoning the muse when you write.

00:10:13.000 There's something weird going on, I'll tell you that, because it seems like they just like enter into your head like a photon, like some shit from space, just doot, all of a sudden it's in there, and like, oh, that was an idea.

00:10:24.000 And even though it's your idea, like I take credit for writing, like I'll take credit for fixing jokes, I'll take credit for like going up, but I always feel like I can't really take credit for the original idea.

00:10:35.000 The original idea is almost like this little gift.

00:10:38.000 Absolutely.

00:10:39.000 You know? 0.97

00:10:39.000 Like, you see something, or somebody's doing something, and you go, oh shit, and that sparks something, and you just go, alright, I gotta write this down. 0.97

00:10:46.000 Sometimes you just say it out of nowhere. 0.99

00:10:48.000 You just say it.

00:10:48.000 Like, you don't even know why you're saying it.

00:10:50.000 You're just saying it.

00:10:52.000 Yeah.

00:10:52.000 And it's like, you didn't even think that much.

00:10:55.000 It just came out.

00:10:57.000 Yeah, there's times on stage where you're just all of a sudden riffing a bit and you hit them with something and they start clapping. 0.90

00:11:04.000 You're like, oh god damn, thank god I'm recording this. 0.69

00:11:06.000 Oh yeah, sometimes. 0.96

00:11:07.000 Sometimes that's the best part of the bit. 0.99

00:11:09.000 And you're like, what the fuck is going on?

00:11:11.000 Like, how is that the best part of the bit? 0.99

00:11:12.000 It's almost like you're playing chess in your head and you are seven steps ahead but you don't even know it.

00:11:17.000 Right. 0.99

00:11:18.000 It's a weird fucking art form. 1.00

00:11:20.000 Weird art form. 0.99

00:11:21.000 It's one of the only art forms where almost everybody writes their own stuff.

00:11:25.000 Like, if you think about musicians, there's a lot of musicians who write their own music, and they're kind of revered, right?

00:11:32.000 Musicians, when you go to see a musician, like a singer-songwriter, and they write their own stuff, and you sit there, and you're like, wow, this person crafted this in their mind, and practiced it alone, and You know, there's something, like, magical about that.

00:11:44.000 But you can go see, like, a really talented singer that has writers that write for them.

00:11:49.000 And they're great, too, but you don't feel the same, you know?

00:11:52.000 No, because you feel like you're good at playing the guitar, you have a great voice, you're good at making someone else's work.

00:11:58.000 Like, I used to audition for stuff. 0.99

00:12:00.000 I am fucking toilet at auditioning. 0.99

00:12:03.000 It's the truth. 0.99

00:12:03.000 I go in there and it's somebody else's words and you can hear the people in front of you. 0.99

00:12:07.000 They're getting huge laughs.

00:12:09.000 I go in there and nothing.

00:12:10.000 I don't know.

00:12:11.000 I don't think I'd be a good singer of someone else's song.

00:12:14.000 I think I'd have to write it.

00:12:15.000 I never wanted to be an actor.

00:12:18.000 I had zero acting, no wishes, no dreams, no aspirations.

00:12:23.000 Zero.

00:12:24.000 I just wanted to be a comic.

00:12:25.000 And then I got a development deal from doing MTV. Okay.

00:12:29.000 And then because of this development deal, I wound up being on a sitcom.

00:12:32.000 So my point is I did two auditions ever.

00:12:36.000 One was for a show called Hardball.

00:12:38.000 I got that show.

00:12:39.000 And that show got canceled.

00:12:40.000 And another one was for a show called Newsradio.

00:12:42.000 And I got that show.

00:12:44.000 And that was the only two that I had ever done.

00:12:46.000 Good for you.

00:12:46.000 It was the nuttiest thing of all time.

00:12:48.000 People would get so mad at me. 1.00

00:12:50.000 I'm like, look, I just stepped in shit. 1.00

00:12:51.000 I got super lucky. 1.00

00:12:53.000 Yeah.

00:12:53.000 They were looking for a cocky baseball player for this show on Fox.

00:12:58.000 And I went in and they met me and they're like, oh, this is the guy.

00:13:01.000 And then I did this show where I played a mentally challenged conspiracy theorist maintenance guy at a radio station.

00:13:11.000 That was perfect, too.

00:13:13.000 Yeah, I was like, I got these.

00:13:15.000 They always sent me in for these auditions where it was like, I was 30-something years old, and it would be 22 good-looking. 0.97

00:13:23.000 And you're like, what the fuck am I doing here? 0.95

00:13:24.000 I went in one time, and it was like an Abercrombie and Fitch shoot. 0.99

00:13:27.000 Oh, God.

00:13:28.000 And so I go in, and I'm looking around.

00:13:30.000 Everyone's a foot taller than me, chiseled jawline.

00:13:33.000 They're just agents will throw anything at the wall.

00:13:37.000 I definitely did a bunch of auditions after those shows that I didn't wind up getting, like for movies and stuff like that.

00:13:42.000 They're always so weird.

00:13:44.000 You're in a room with someone and then, you know, you have to improvise sometimes.

00:13:49.000 They ask you to improvise.

00:13:51.000 Like, look, this is neat.

00:13:52.000 One time I went in for the reading and the PA was his kid.

00:13:56.000 It's not the kid's fault.

00:13:58.000 But he's reading the script. 0.88

00:13:59.000 He's terrible.

00:14:00.000 And you're supposed to be reacting, and he's barely getting the sentence right.

00:14:05.000 And then you're supposed to have this realistic reaction to this.

00:14:10.000 And then they were like, I want you...

00:14:12.000 This is what the guy said.

00:14:13.000 He goes, I want you to get...

00:14:15.000 You're very excited.

00:14:16.000 Your friend is getting married.

00:14:17.000 You're very excited.

00:14:18.000 I want you to write down a piece of paper.

00:14:20.000 Get married.

00:14:22.000 You're trying to talk him into getting married.

00:14:24.000 And I'm going to go, so you want me to do this with this guy? 0.99

00:14:27.000 I go, look, if you want to bring in an actor, and me and an actor can fuck around. 0.98

00:14:31.000 I go, he's barely getting through these conversations. 0.99

00:14:34.000 This is silly.

00:14:35.000 And then I was like, I don't want to be an actor. 0.72

00:14:36.000 I realized, why am I even here?

00:14:38.000 I don't want to do this. 0.97

00:14:39.000 Let me get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:14:40.000 Nowhere in real life would somebody go, I'm thinking about getting married. 1.00

00:14:45.000 And your response is, you gotta get married.

00:14:47.000 I mean, it's crazy. 1.00

00:14:48.000 Yeah, it was a dumb script. 1.00

00:14:50.000 The movie was terrible. 0.99

00:14:51.000 But a friend of mine was in it.

00:14:52.000 And I was like, yeah, it would be fun to do a movie with him.

00:14:55.000 But going on the audition, I'm like, what am I doing?

00:14:57.000 It was just one of those movies.

00:14:59.000 It was written for fake people.

00:15:01.000 It was written in some weird way for people that don't exist.

00:15:06.000 I was like, you're trying so hard to make people talk and think this way.

00:15:11.000 These aren't real people.

00:15:12.000 Yeah.

00:15:12.000 This is bizarre.

00:15:14.000 Like every person in this movie is totally disingenuous.

00:15:18.000 Like every word that you wrote for them is not like anything people ever say. 1.00

00:15:22.000 This movie sucks. 1.00

00:15:24.000 It fucking sucks. 1.00

00:15:25.000 And it looks like you wrote it on Adderall and you're just trying to make some money. 1.00

00:15:29.000 And why am I here?

00:15:30.000 Yeah.

00:15:31.000 Have you seen the show Suits?

00:15:33.000 I have not. 0.96

00:15:33.000 Okay, so they have this really weird cadence where they'll say, and I'm not going to goddamn do it. 0.96

00:15:39.000 They use goddamn in front of stuff, but it's every character. 0.95

00:15:42.000 Oh, God. 0.97

00:15:43.000 And so you're like, how did all these people meet?

00:15:45.000 Is it from the 20s or something?

00:15:47.000 No, it's like...

00:15:48.000 It's current?

00:15:49.000 Yeah, I think it's still on.

00:15:50.000 I think it just had a thing come on.

00:15:52.000 Oh, that's bad writing.

00:15:53.000 Or a bunch of people that are really easily influenced, you know?

00:15:57.000 That's where accents come from. 0.98

00:15:58.000 Like one fucking dude probably talked a certain way and everybody's like, that guy sounds cool. 0.99

00:16:03.000 I'm a adult like this too. 0.99

00:16:04.000 I was reading that some people have a thing in their head where when they're talking to someone with an accent, to make that person feel more comfortable, they start to speak in the accent without even knowing.

00:16:16.000 Oh yeah, for sure.

00:16:17.000 Yeah, definitely.

00:16:20.000 Yeah, I mean when I was a kid, I would switch accents like when I moved to new places.

00:16:25.000 I realized I only lived in Boston for like six years and I was 19 and I was on television for this thing that I did and I heard myself on TV and I was like, ew!

00:16:36.000 Ew! 0.98

00:16:37.000 I had no idea my accent was so strong.

00:16:39.000 It's like, yuck!

00:16:40.000 Oh, Boston accent?

00:16:41.000 Yeah, it was terrible.

00:16:41.000 Oh, interesting.

00:16:42.000 So I killed it, for the most part, until I get a couple of drinks in me.

00:16:45.000 Yeah, that's the same with me.

00:16:46.000 You put whiskey in me and I get a little Canadian. 0.99

00:16:48.000 Yeah, especially if I'm around my friends in Boston, where I'll talk shit to each other. 1.00

00:16:53.000 Those guys talk shit. 1.00

00:16:54.000 Yeah, you fucking cocksucker. 1.00

00:16:56.000 Yeah, the best place to do stand-up because to develop there like you're you are that treadmill is going you gotta hop on you gotta move get moving Everybody's moving nobody in the audience has any attention span. 1.00

00:17:08.000 They don't want to hear you dilly-dally and Pontificate up there. 0.98

00:17:12.000 They want fucking jokes Hammer me. 0.99

00:17:15.000 I got to go to work tomorrow. 1.00

00:17:16.000 Yeah, they're all tired.

00:17:17.000 I love doing comedy in Boston Blue collar.

00:17:20.000 It's not even necessarily blue collar because there's a lot of white collar people that come to the shows too.

00:17:25.000 It's just like work ethic. 0.97

00:17:27.000 When you have to shovel your car out of snow every fucking year, you have work ethic. 0.98

00:17:31.000 You can't get up at 8 o'clock to be at work at 9. No, you have to get up at 7 because you've got an hour of shoveling to do. 0.99

00:17:38.000 Yeah, defrost the windshield. 1.00

00:17:40.000 Yeah, you've got to do all that shit. 0.99

00:17:41.000 You've got to start the car up, let it run, heat the inside to defrost the windshield, get the fucking scraper. 1.00

00:17:48.000 And then you're out there on a fucking skating rink. 0.97

00:17:51.000 Your street's a skating rink, so you have to drive five miles an hour, and you have to make sure that you hit the brakes way before the car in front of you, or you're going to cause a pileup. 0.99

00:17:59.000 I saw so many pileups, man.

00:18:02.000 I grew up in Minnesota.

00:18:04.000 I lived in Minnesota my whole life.

00:18:06.000 It's just nonstop.

00:18:07.000 I think Minnesota's the number one state where people die in deer accidents.

00:18:12.000 Is that the number one?

00:18:13.000 Getting shot, you mean?

00:18:14.000 No, no, no.

00:18:15.000 Deer on the road.

00:18:16.000 Oh, yeah, I would think that.

00:18:18.000 I would think that.

00:18:19.000 It's either Michigan or Minnesota.

00:18:20.000 I forget which one.

00:18:22.000 But those places, you grow up in a place like that, man, you develop some resilience.

00:18:28.000 Those are different human beings. 1.00

00:18:30.000 You grow up in fucking Florida. 1.00

00:18:32.000 The only thing you have to worry about, the sky becomes an angry god every couple of years. 1.00

00:18:35.000 Yeah.

00:18:37.000 Pennsylvania!

00:18:37.000 Oh, wow.

00:18:39.000 Interesting. 1.00

00:18:39.000 Damn. 1.00

00:18:40.000 1 in 38 chance of hitting an animal. 1.00

00:18:44.000 So you drive for two months, you're gonna hit one in West Virginia.

00:18:48.000 Pennsylvania is 1 in 59. That's still high.

00:18:51.000 But 1 in 38 is crazy.

00:18:56.000 Yeah, that's a lot. 1.00

00:18:56.000 1 in 38 means every month you're hitting a fucking deer. 1.00

00:19:00.000 That is so crazy. 1.00

00:19:02.000 That is so crazy.

00:19:04.000 It doesn't mean that.

00:19:05.000 It means overall the time of your life. 1.00

00:19:08.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:19:08.000 1 in 38. But that's a lot. 1.00

00:19:11.000 I've never hit a deer.

00:19:12.000 It's probably stupid to put out into the universe, but I've never hit one.

00:19:15.000 I've never hit one either. 0.94

00:19:16.000 I did hit a squirrel once.

00:19:17.000 I felt so bad.

00:19:18.000 Little guy was moving left and juking left and right, not sure. 1.00

00:19:22.000 And I'm like, come on, fucker. 1.00

00:19:24.000 Don't do this. 1.00

00:19:25.000 And he did it.

00:19:26.000 And I felt the thump.

00:19:27.000 I'm like, oh no.

00:19:28.000 And I look back and I see his little legs kicking.

00:19:31.000 But you know what?

00:19:34.000 Vultures have to eat, too. 0.54

00:19:35.000 That's what that's all about, you know?

00:19:38.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:19:39.000 That's a weird thing, too, when you see a dead animal and you're like, aww.

00:19:43.000 And then you come back like 20 minutes later and you see these monsters hovering over it, devouring it.

00:19:47.000 Just gone. 0.96

00:19:48.000 They're so gross.

00:19:50.000 Pulling everything out.

00:19:51.000 Oh.

00:19:52.000 Have you ever seen a Tibetan sky funeral?

00:19:54.000 Uh-uh, bro.

00:19:56.000 In Tibet, I don't know which religion, I don't know what they're practicing, but they have this ritual called the Tibetan Sky Funeral.

00:20:04.000 And instead of burying people, what they do is they chop them up and they feed them to vultures.

00:20:10.000 Yeah, and this graphic video of this online because it's like this big ritual. 0.88

00:20:16.000 So this graphic video of these dudes with these like giant cutting boards and fucking cleavers hacking up people and there's a swarm of vultures all around them.

00:20:27.000 So they're hacking up body parts and then these vultures are just devouring these human beings. 0.98

00:20:33.000 And we think it's gross, right?

00:20:36.000 But isn't it grosser that you waste the body?

00:20:40.000 Dump it, yeah.

00:20:41.000 What is this, Jamie?

00:20:41.000 A video of it.

00:20:42.000 Oh, it's a video of it.

00:20:43.000 That guy looked a little too cute to be there.

00:20:45.000 I was like, what are you doing there, fella?

00:20:46.000 I thought it was a movie.

00:20:47.000 So look at these.

00:20:48.000 Look at all these vultures.

00:20:49.000 Jesus.

00:20:49.000 This is like when pelicans follow a fishing boat.

00:20:51.000 Oh, they 100% know what's going on because they've been doing it all the time.

00:20:57.000 This is a tourist attraction in some part of China.

00:21:01.000 Jesus Christ.

00:21:05.000 Tourist attraction.

00:21:06.000 Oh, there they go.

00:21:07.000 So then I'm going to show you hacking the guy up.

00:21:08.000 Forget it.

00:21:09.000 But there's plenty of other videos that are more documentary style that show very graphic images of...

00:21:18.000 This person just hacking apart this bottom.

00:21:21.000 How big?

00:21:21.000 How big do they cut the pieces?

00:21:23.000 Just like chunks.

00:21:24.000 And the vultures, they're all...

00:21:25.000 You saw how they are.

00:21:26.000 They're like piranha.

00:21:27.000 They're all just on it.

00:21:28.000 And they just devour everything.

00:21:30.000 They devour the bones.

00:21:31.000 They devour everything.

00:21:32.000 Isn't that better?

00:21:33.000 Though, I mean, look, nobody wants their loved one to be reduced to meat, you know, but is it better that you're taking your loved one and you're pumping them filled with some toxic chemical that makes it so that they'll never, never rot? 0.99

00:21:46.000 You can exhume them years later and find fentanyl traces and shit. 0.71

00:21:51.000 If you believe in something else, like something's going on afterlife-wise, I mean, the soul's gone anyways. 0.98

00:21:57.000 It's the vessel that you're putting in the ground or letting vultures eat.

00:22:00.000 And if you believe that this person was murdered, do a better job now.

00:22:04.000 How much time do you need?

00:22:07.000 You know, do it and film it and get all your...

00:22:10.000 I guess maybe.

00:22:12.000 Remember that HBO show, Autopsy?

00:22:15.000 Do you ever remember that show?

00:22:16.000 There's a great show by this guy dr. Michael badden and dr. Michael bad would always catch like Husbands that poison their wives secretly or wives that have poisoned all their husbands and people that kill people like in secret sneaky ways and gotten away with it And then he gets on the case and he finds it's like really crazy crazy examples one of them was this one guy and After his wife had died, 0.68

00:22:40.000 I don't even know if it was his wife, it was maybe his girlfriend, but he kept buying cases of perfume and no one could figure out why this guy was doing this, but he left his wife in the bed and never reported that she was dead and kept fucking her and put like a mask on her and then eventually put like some artificial vagina down there and the perfume, 0.89

00:23:04.000 he was pouring perfume on her to mask the decay And so eventually, finally, they caught him, but they got these images of what used to be his wife with, like, a mask on the face, and there was clothes on what's left of this body, 0.98

00:23:20.000 and then there's this, like, tube where the vagina is, and this fucking psycho was banging her corpse and, like, passing out from the smell and just... 1.00

00:23:31.000 Cases of perfume. 0.99

00:23:33.000 This dude was just pouring perfume all over her corpse.

00:23:35.000 I feel like I could solve that crime.

00:23:37.000 You have to be in the room.

00:23:39.000 I mean, you have to be like in the neighborhood or something.

00:23:41.000 Have you ever smelled a body?

00:23:42.000 Uh-uh.

00:23:43.000 When I was a kid, the apartment that we lived in in New Jersey, this guy died on one of the floors.

00:23:50.000 And the smell is insane.

00:23:53.000 It's so specific.

00:23:55.000 It's so different.

00:23:57.000 A rotting human body apparently has a very unique odor.

00:24:00.000 And like the coroners and the guys they called in, like when there's a smell, they know what it is right away.

00:24:06.000 They go, that's a person.

00:24:08.000 It's different than a dog.

00:24:10.000 I was going to say mice die in my garage and I can't go in there for two days. 0.99

00:24:14.000 I mean, it sucks.

00:24:15.000 So a person's got to leave. 0.95

00:24:15.000 Oh my God. 0.95

00:24:16.000 It was horrible.

00:24:17.000 The whole hallway, you couldn't specify like where it was coming from.

00:24:21.000 It was like a skunk.

00:24:22.000 You know, it was everywhere.

00:24:24.000 The whole hallway just reeked this, like...

00:24:26.000 It was just like the universe letting you know, get out of there.

00:24:31.000 Get out of New Jersey, man.

00:24:33.000 It's giving you this smell.

00:24:35.000 Not just New Jersey, I mean that hallway.

00:24:37.000 Sure.

00:24:37.000 It's giving you the smell of death.

00:24:39.000 It's a very specific smell.

00:24:41.000 Do you know how the guy died?

00:24:42.000 I don't remember.

00:24:43.000 I was a little kid.

00:24:43.000 Oh.

00:24:44.000 I think I was five at the time.

00:24:45.000 But I'll never forget that smell.

00:24:47.000 I was like, whoa!

00:24:49.000 Because he was in there for a while, you know, some loner. 1.00

00:24:53.000 And he just fucking one day kicked the bucket. 0.99

00:24:55.000 It took a while for anybody to figure it out, and they figured it out because of the smell. 0.99

00:24:59.000 And then how long did it take him to get him out of there?

00:25:01.000 I don't remember.

00:25:02.000 I was too little.

00:25:03.000 I don't remember.

00:25:04.000 But it was a very, very specific smell.

00:25:08.000 It was gross.

00:25:09.000 But it is weird what we do.

00:25:11.000 It's weird that...

00:25:12.000 Joey Diaz was trying to lay this out to me. 1.00

00:25:14.000 He's like, Joe Rogan, it's a fucking scam. 1.00

00:25:15.000 This is the scam. 1.00

00:25:16.000 Even if you want to get cremated, they gotta embalm you first. 0.95

00:25:19.000 They gotta embalm you first. 1.00

00:25:20.000 Then you're gonna buy an urn.

00:25:22.000 They got you.

00:25:23.000 They got you for 10, 14, 15 grand every time.

00:25:26.000 They're gonna tell you your grandfather wants a beautiful coffin. 1.00

00:25:29.000 He's fucking dead. 1.00

00:25:30.000 What are we doing? 1.00

00:25:31.000 It's like this weird thing that everybody does where you have to get your person embalmed and then you get them made up.

00:25:39.000 Yeah.

00:25:39.000 Which is the creepiest.

00:25:41.000 My daughter has a friend who her boyfriend's sister died and she's getting into makeup and hair for a living and they asked her to do the makeup and hair of the dead sister.

00:25:52.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:25:53.000 Why the fuck would you? 1.00

00:25:54.000 Like someone has to sign up for that. 0.99

00:25:56.000 Yeah, that has to be your very specific job.

00:25:59.000 That's not regular makeup.

00:26:00.000 Yeah, it's not like you go into, you know, like a Great Clips or something and ask somebody like, hey, my grandpa died.

00:26:06.000 Can you come help?

00:26:07.000 Bro, that might haunt you for the rest of your life, especially if you know the person.

00:26:10.000 Absolutely.

00:26:11.000 I'd like a Viking funeral. 0.51

00:26:13.000 Viking funeral's dope. 0.75

00:26:15.000 But a Viking funeral, again, you're kind of wasting the body. 0.87

00:26:18.000 If you just put it in the ground, that's what it's supposed to be.

00:26:20.000 You're supposed to go back to nature.

00:26:22.000 I guess a Viking funeral, eventually, you get back into the system. 0.62

00:26:26.000 You're just taking the long run.

00:26:27.000 You turn back into carbon again.

00:26:30.000 This is going to take so much time.

00:26:32.000 But you're going right into microbes.

00:26:35.000 And essentially, what's inside of you starts eating you first, if I'm not mistaken.

00:26:39.000 I think all the bacteria in your body, you start breaking down from that stuff.

00:26:43.000 I think a lot of weird things happen.

00:26:45.000 But then the stuff on the outside figures out you're dead.

00:26:47.000 And then the soil starts devouring you.

00:26:49.000 Going for it.

00:26:50.000 Have you seen the people that get put into trees?

00:26:52.000 Yeah.

00:26:53.000 That's wild.

00:26:54.000 That makes sense.

00:26:55.000 Makes sense.

00:26:56.000 Or like a diamond.

00:26:57.000 Yeah.

00:26:57.000 They get pressed down.

00:26:58.000 But trees definitely live well off of fertilizer when it comes from dead animals.

00:27:04.000 Yeah, they eat what's there.

00:27:06.000 They take it in, suck it up.

00:27:07.000 Which is what fertilizer is. 0.99

00:27:09.000 Which is why our food sucks. 0.97

00:27:11.000 Because we give them fake food. 0.57

00:27:13.000 We basically feed our processed food processed food.

00:27:18.000 Right? 0.96

00:27:18.000 Because nitrogen is what, you know, we take nitrogen and a bunch of other bullshit chemicals and we pour it on this dead topsoil so that these poor corn can survive. 0.96

00:27:28.000 And then we eat the corn and there's like no nourishment. 0.91

00:27:30.000 And they're like, what are we doing?

00:27:32.000 Yeah.

00:27:32.000 I remember in third grade, they taught us about crop rotation.

00:27:35.000 And you're driving by these fields, and you're like, this has been fucking corn since I was in third grade. 0.95

00:27:39.000 There's no way you can rotate. 0.98

00:27:40.000 Yeah.

00:27:41.000 That's what they're all doing in the regenerative farms.

00:27:44.000 In regenerative farms, they move everything around.

00:27:46.000 That's how you're supposed to do it.

00:27:47.000 That's how everyone's done it from the beginning of time.

00:27:49.000 What is that?

00:27:51.000 Mushrooms that eat your body? 0.75

00:27:53.000 Whoa.

00:27:53.000 To suit you where to get buried in and you turn into mushrooms.

00:27:57.000 But they're going to embalm you, man!

00:27:59.000 Unless you live in a place that lets you opt out of that.

00:28:04.000 Unless this is for another country.

00:28:05.000 What are the laws in America?

00:28:07.000 Let's find out what the laws are.

00:28:09.000 When you die, do they have to embalm you?

00:28:12.000 Because this is what Joey was saying.

00:28:13.000 But that might have been very specific.

00:28:15.000 It might be regional, you know?

00:28:16.000 It might be like certain cities.

00:28:18.000 They embalm you before you go into a cooker?

00:28:20.000 Yeah, that's what he was saying.

00:28:22.000 Oh, I didn't know that.

00:28:23.000 I thought you just went in.

00:28:24.000 It's not required by law.

00:28:25.000 Not required?

00:28:26.000 But they probably talk you into it then.

00:28:27.000 That's probably what it is.

00:28:28.000 It says, in fact, the FTC funeral law forbids any funeral home from stating the contrary.

00:28:34.000 Interesting.

00:28:34.000 That's because they've done it.

00:28:36.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:28:37.000 All they're trying to do is shame you, make you feel bad.

00:28:39.000 Listen, you have to embalm them before you cremate them.

00:28:42.000 Your grandfather came in here earlier and told us he wanted to be embalmed.

00:28:46.000 Is it necessary?

00:28:47.000 According to federal law, it's forbidden to declare that embalming can entirely stop the process of decomposition.

00:28:52.000 But that's different.

00:28:55.000 Well, that's probably why, I guess, though.

00:28:56.000 Right.

00:28:57.000 It's entirely forbidden to declare that embalm...

00:28:59.000 But is it...

00:29:03.000 Is it mandatory?

00:29:04.000 Do that.

00:29:05.000 Is embalming mandatory?

00:29:07.000 It's not required by federal law in the United States.

00:29:10.000 And no funeral homes can claim that it is.

00:29:12.000 That's interesting.

00:29:13.000 However, there are some circumstances where embalming may be required.

00:29:17.000 State law.

00:29:18.000 Okay.

00:29:18.000 Some states require embalming if the body's not refrigerated or is held in transit for more than 24 hours.

00:29:23.000 Other states require embalming if the death was caused by a contagious disease or if the remains are being transported between states.

00:29:30.000 So, funeral homes will require embalming.

00:29:32.000 If the family chooses a service with the...

00:29:34.000 Okay, that's probably...

00:29:35.000 Visitation open casket, that makes sense.

00:29:38.000 Cemeteries may require embalming if the remains are being entombed in a mausoleum.

00:29:43.000 Ew.

00:29:45.000 Yeah, that's a lot.

00:29:46.000 Embalming can help their loved ones, see their loved ones for the last time.

00:29:50.000 You know what?

00:29:51.000 I have only been to one funeral where I saw one of my loved ones, it was my grandfather, and I was like, he is not there.

00:29:57.000 Like, whatever they left there, that is just not, that's not my grandpa.

00:30:01.000 He's gone.

00:30:01.000 Yeah, when they go, oh, he looks so natural.

00:30:03.000 Well, he wasn't fucking orange when I knew him. 1.00

00:30:05.000 Fuck no. 1.00

00:30:06.000 Uh-uh. 1.00

00:30:06.000 No. 1.00

00:30:07.000 He does not look natural.

00:30:08.000 He looks weird.

00:30:09.000 Yeah.

00:30:09.000 There's like a part of you that knows that whatever a person is in their soul, whatever a soul is, It's off.

00:30:16.000 Yeah, that's gone.

00:30:17.000 It's off.

00:30:17.000 Yeah, it's gone.

00:30:18.000 And it's weird.

00:30:19.000 It's a weird feeling that you get when you're on a dead body.

00:30:21.000 It's like, mm.

00:30:22.000 Especially one that you knew so well.

00:30:24.000 Oh, yeah.

00:30:26.000 It's a wake-up call, you know, because you just realize, like, oh, my God.

00:30:30.000 Like, this comes for everyone.

00:30:32.000 One day, everyone in your life is going to go like that.

00:30:35.000 And if you're lucky, you're going to see it.

00:30:37.000 Is that what the luck is?

00:30:38.000 You know, if you live long enough.

00:30:40.000 I was switching phone numbers the other day.

00:30:43.000 And I was going over my phone, my contact list, and there's so many people in there that are dead.

00:30:49.000 I kept pulling out people that were dead.

00:30:51.000 I was like, oh, he's gone.

00:30:52.000 He's gone.

00:30:53.000 It was crazy.

00:30:54.000 How long has it been since you switched last time?

00:30:56.000 Well, it's just, I got a bunch of old numbers, you know, from dudes that I haven't talked to in forever.

00:31:00.000 You know, when you have an iPhone, you just keep getting a new number.

00:31:05.000 Somehow or another, all the numbers come with you.

00:31:08.000 There were so many of my friends that are dead.

00:31:10.000 It's so sobering, you know? 1.00

00:31:13.000 When you just start counting the numbers, like, oh, fuck, Norm Macdonald. 1.00

00:31:16.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:31:17.000 And you just go through all of it, and you're like, fuck. 1.00

00:31:20.000 Fuck, he's gone, too. 1.00

00:31:22.000 You know? 1.00

00:31:23.000 Yeah.

00:31:23.000 I'm getting to the age where that's about to start happening, I think.

00:31:27.000 It happens, you know?

00:31:29.000 And sometimes it happens, and you do not see it coming, and it hits you like a train, especially when they take their own life.

00:31:34.000 You're like, what?

00:31:35.000 Yeah.

00:31:36.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:31:39.000 And then there's always that guilt of like, fuck, maybe if I talk to him. 1.00

00:31:42.000 Maybe if I had one conversation. 1.00

00:31:46.000 Or maybe that's just your ego.

00:31:48.000 Yeah, because I think once you're over that line, I don't think there's a lot of pulling it back.

00:31:54.000 Perhaps, but I think every circumstance is different.

00:31:57.000 Yeah, I guess there's that one dude that used to live by a bridge, and he would go out and talk guys off the ledge, and so, I mean, I guess maybe that is.

00:32:06.000 There was one guy that jumped, and he lived.

00:32:09.000 He's one of the rare guys that lived, and he said as he jumped, he'd realize what a horrible mistake he made, and he wanted to take it back, but he couldn't. 0.98

00:32:15.000 And he lived, but he was all fucked up, but lived a happier life. 0.93

00:32:19.000 Like, was thankful that he was alive, which is kind of crazy. 0.98

00:32:22.000 Yeah, I used to bartend and this dude would come in and he was missing his jaw.

00:32:26.000 He's talking to 200 people off the ledge.

00:32:28.000 Yeah, that's amazing.

00:32:29.000 Highway Patrol officer.

00:32:30.000 I bet that guy's a smooth talker.

00:32:32.000 I have a buddy who jumped off that bridge. 1.00

00:32:36.000 No shit? 1.00

00:32:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:32:40.000 Tony Anagoni, who's a professional pool player.

00:32:44.000 Good dude.

00:32:46.000 I hadn't talked to him in a while.

00:32:48.000 I hadn't talked to him in a couple of years.

00:32:50.000 And then I saw it in the news. 1.00

00:32:51.000 I was like, fuck. 1.00

00:32:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:32:54.000 Yeah, it's one of those things, man, where it's just like...

00:32:56.000 When it happens, you just get jolted.

00:32:59.000 Especially the suicide ones.

00:33:00.000 It's like, what?

00:33:02.000 Yeah, when you had no clue.

00:33:04.000 Because, like, you think about that person when you're all having fun together.

00:33:06.000 You think about that person when you're sitting around laughing, cracking jokes.

00:33:11.000 Especially if it's the life of the party that does it.

00:33:14.000 Right.

00:33:14.000 I could have picked 10 other guys besides you.

00:33:18.000 Imagine Robin Williams.

00:33:20.000 Imagine watching Robin Williams on any... 0.99

00:33:22.000 Did you ever see that commercial where he's doing a commercial and he won't stop fucking around? 0.99

00:33:25.000 I don't think so. 0.99

00:33:26.000 And the director's trying to get him to stop fucking around. 0.99

00:33:29.000 He's like, will not stop fucking around. 1.00

00:33:30.000 I love that. 1.00

00:33:31.000 He's doing the different characters and shit. 0.98

00:33:34.000 He's like, okay, Robin, can we focus now? 0.99

00:33:36.000 And Robin's just fucking going off. 0.99

00:33:38.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:33:38.000 That guy you would never imagine could ever be sad. 0.98

00:33:42.000 You know?

00:33:42.000 I was an extra in a movie with him, Billy Crystal, and Louise Dreyfus.

00:33:47.000 And two people were sick.

00:33:49.000 They went back to their trailers, and I was interviewing him, and he did it as Mrs. Doubtfire. 0.97

00:33:53.000 And it was fucking awesome, man. 0.95

00:33:56.000 Everybody was losing it. 0.97

00:33:57.000 Play it, Jamie.

00:33:58.000 Let me see it.

00:34:02.000 I said to him, I said, Frank...

00:34:04.000 It's already great.

00:34:07.000 Look, his back is to the camera.

00:34:10.000 Look, he's a different guy.

00:34:10.000 Robin, just do the line so we can get out.

00:34:14.000 Everything.

00:34:15.000 For me, this place is fabulous.

00:34:18.000 I want to do the line for you.

00:34:19.000 Robin, the line is the introduction.

00:34:21.000 Just the one line that you've got to do, okay, please?

00:34:23.000 Yes, sir.

00:34:24.000 Okay?

00:34:26.000 Foul ball, a male hygiene spray. 0.81

00:34:28.000 You know, sometimes below the waterline you could reek.

00:34:32.000 That's why I need new foul ball. 0.94

00:34:34.000 Something to part-bearer thing.

00:34:36.000 I had it upside down.

00:34:38.000 Sorry!

00:34:38.000 This is fabulous.

00:34:40.000 I couldn't believe it.

00:34:40.000 Probably this can's too cold.

00:34:42.000 Would you do the line now, just to introduce the one line, okay?

00:34:46.000 Yes.

00:34:48.000 Hello.

00:34:48.000 I'm Salton Heston.

00:34:50.000 You know, I have very few Jewish friends, if any.

00:34:53.000 But I'd like to say, won't you please help support the United Goyim College Fund?

00:34:59.000 Help learn a child to eat hot dogs this year, mayonnaise and corned beefs.

00:35:02.000 Can we get another actor in, please?

00:35:04.000 Howard, give me a chance, please.

00:35:05.000 I need this.

00:35:06.000 He's gonna say!

00:35:10.000 You're not gonna do it.

00:35:12.000 I'm gonna cut camera.

00:35:13.000 You gotta do it online now.

00:35:14.000 Just...

00:35:14.000 All right?

00:35:15.000 Can we hear it, please?

00:35:16.000 Okay.

00:35:20.000 You know, what I would have loved to have seen, actually, is if they could have combined and dropped off funeral and the Olympics and had him in the bobsled run.

00:35:31.000 All right, I'm ready, Harb.

00:35:32.000 All right, can we get it now?

00:35:34.000 Yes, sir, I think we can.

00:35:35.000 Do you want me to hold the cue card?

00:35:36.000 No.

00:35:37.000 Yeah, I can.

00:35:37.000 Okay.

00:35:37.000 The one that says, now we're doing commercial.

00:35:40.000 Okay.

00:35:41.000 Storm, Storm, that's a German name, isn't it?

00:35:44.000 Storm. 0.88

00:35:45.000 You sound like a dog.

00:35:47.000 I love that old Storm.

00:35:48.000 Come here, boy.

00:35:49.000 Hey, off the leg. 0.70

00:35:50.000 We're ready now.

00:35:51.000 Here we go.

00:35:54.000 I'm ready to say that line hard because I love you.

00:35:56.000 I love you for the man that you are.

00:35:58.000 An incredible man.

00:35:59.000 More than just one night.

00:36:00.000 A man who can, I don't know, make you realize, ouch. 1.00

00:36:04.000 Who are you?

00:36:05.000 I'm ready now.

00:36:06.000 Okay.

00:36:06.000 You're ready.

00:36:07.000 Thank you, Mr. Williams.

00:36:08.000 Thank you, Howard.

00:36:10.000 Yes, Howard Storm is now directing Comer...

00:36:15.000 Commercials.

00:36:15.000 Again, I can get it this time.

00:36:17.000 Yeah, once more.

00:36:19.000 Hi. 0.99

00:36:20.000 I'm Jack Nicholson, and you know, Howard Storm is directing goddamn commercials. 0.97

00:36:26.000 It's incredible that he can find a camera small enough to work with, but God bless him for trying. 0.98

00:36:32.000 His first commercial was Billy Barty on a footstool.

00:36:35.000 God, I love the fact that the man takes chances.

00:36:39.000 Thank you.

00:36:40.000 Thank you.

00:36:40.000 And cut.

00:36:42.000 Yeah.

00:36:44.000 He just wasn't gonna do it. 1.00

00:36:48.000 He's a maniac. 0.99

00:36:50.000 Ah, that's incredible. 0.83

00:36:51.000 He was an odd dude, for sure.

00:36:53.000 People get mad when you bring up the joke-thieving allegations with that guy, but that's just what it was.

00:37:00.000 That went on for over 13 minutes.

00:37:01.000 That's hilarious.

00:37:02.000 Two and a half minutes of it.

00:37:03.000 Yeah, people think that you're not supposed to talk about that part, but that was part of him.

00:37:08.000 Yeah, you have to talk about everything.

00:37:09.000 The guy still was great.

00:37:10.000 He was still great.

00:37:10.000 He was very odd.

00:37:13.000 I wonder if his brain worked so quickly that sometimes it was out before he knew it.

00:37:18.000 Perhaps.

00:37:18.000 You know, you could excuse someone for a lot of things.

00:37:21.000 You don't, I don't know how his brain worked.

00:37:23.000 Obviously, he had like mental problems, which wound up, there was a lot of physical problems that wound up contributing to his suicide.

00:37:29.000 But depression was part of that too.

00:37:32.000 But, it's like, you have to also put it in context.

00:37:37.000 There wasn't anybody like him back then.

00:37:39.000 There was Jonathan Winters who he took inspiration from who a lot of people forgot about.

00:37:44.000 Jonathan Winters was like really weird like that.

00:37:46.000 He would do really weird crazy stuff and act like just like different characters and just wouldn't be there and just would hold on to it and people would like panic and they wouldn't know what to do.

00:37:57.000 So I think he took a lot of inspiration from Jonathan Winters who's an amazing talent too.

00:38:02.000 But Robin was like very unique.

00:38:04.000 It was really nobody like him. 0.98

00:38:06.000 And he could act his ass off, man. 0.95

00:38:08.000 Like, good morning, Vietnam. 0.92

00:38:10.000 Like, he was good in movies, too.

00:38:12.000 Yeah, I like good new hunting.

00:38:14.000 Yeah, man.

00:38:15.000 Yeah, and serious roles.

00:38:17.000 How about that 24-hour photo?

00:38:19.000 Did you ever see that?

00:38:19.000 Yes.

00:38:20.000 Bro.

00:38:21.000 Creepy.

00:38:22.000 Yeah, he played a good psycho.

00:38:24.000 It was very, very good.

00:38:25.000 But, like, you would never imagine a guy like that would hit the rocks where he'd wind up killing himself.

00:38:31.000 You're like, no way.

00:38:33.000 Then you start to wonder, like, ah, was the comedian part of him the show and the 24-hour photo was the real deal?

00:38:40.000 I doubt the 24-hour photo was the real deal.

00:38:43.000 I think the real deal was like a deeply depressed person that the reason why they were so good at getting people entertained is because they needed so much more than the average person just to hit like a baseline.

00:38:54.000 Yeah.

00:38:54.000 You know, I think when people are super depressed and then they use comedy as like a way to just like a drug to just get them like Richard Jenny apparently was only happy when he's killing and And then when he got off stage, he was depressed.

00:39:07.000 Oh, God.

00:39:08.000 He's another guy that wound up killing himself.

00:39:09.000 That's like an hour a day.

00:39:11.000 Yep.

00:39:11.000 That you're happy.

00:39:12.000 Yep. 0.91

00:39:12.000 And he was like the most miserable guy guaranteed. 0.91

00:39:15.000 Like when I would do morning radio, I would always ask the guy, the driver's like, who's the worst guy you have to drive around?

00:39:20.000 And they always would say Richard Jennings.

00:39:22.000 So he hated it.

00:39:23.000 He didn't want to be there.

00:39:24.000 Didn't want to talk to anybody. 0.98

00:39:25.000 He was miserable. 0.99

00:39:26.000 He was so fucking funny. 0.99

00:39:27.000 Dude is weird. 0.97

00:39:29.000 He wanted to be a movie star, apparently.

00:39:31.000 So back then in the 1980s and 90s, like what the thing was, was you would graduate into movies, like a Jim Carrey, or into TV like a Seinfeld and you have your own show.

00:39:44.000 But everybody really wanted movies.

00:39:45.000 That was the thing.

00:39:46.000 And he never got any of those.

00:39:48.000 He was only in like one movie.

00:39:50.000 He was in The Mask with Jim Carrey.

00:39:52.000 Okay.

00:39:52.000 He had a show on the UPN called Platypus Man.

00:39:56.000 I remember that.

00:39:56.000 It was terrible.

00:39:58.000 But his stand-up was brilliant.

00:39:59.000 His stand-up was incredible.

00:40:01.000 He was so good.

00:40:02.000 We all would just be in awe of him.

00:40:04.000 I remember him doing a bit at the Comedy Works in Montreal.

00:40:09.000 This little tiny room in Montreal.

00:40:10.000 This great room run by this amazing guy named Jimbo.

00:40:13.000 Chimbo was the best.

00:40:15.000 And this room is only like a 90-seat room.

00:40:17.000 And it was during the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival.

00:40:21.000 And Richard Jenney went up and he did a bit about buying a Corvette.

00:40:24.000 Like, what an unrelatable premise.

00:40:27.000 What a premise where you're like, how do you get anything out of this?

00:40:32.000 And was murdering.

00:40:34.000 Just murdering.

00:40:35.000 I can't remember what he said, but I was crying laughing.

00:40:38.000 We were crying laughing.

00:40:39.000 It was so funny.

00:40:40.000 And there were so many punchlines in there.

00:40:43.000 His sense of irony, his sarcasm, the way he would hit the punchlines, the writing.

00:40:48.000 It's like all day he prepared for these sets and then he would just go into a darkness and just get ready to do it again.

00:40:55.000 That's brutal.

00:40:56.000 Horrible.

00:40:57.000 I knew his girlfriend.

00:40:59.000 His girlfriend was a comic, too.

00:41:01.000 One of his girlfriends at the time.

00:41:02.000 I don't think she was the girl that was his girlfriend at the time that he killed himself.

00:41:06.000 But she was a comic at the store, and she would just tell me, you know, it's just like, the guy's so brilliant, but he's like so eaten up.

00:41:13.000 Yeah, some people can't find balance.

00:41:15.000 Ugh! 0.99

00:41:16.000 It sucks, man. 0.83

00:41:17.000 When they're that good, you just want to hug them. 0.89

00:41:19.000 Just come on, man.

00:41:20.000 Keep it together, dude.

00:41:21.000 You just want to go.

00:41:22.000 Just enjoy the rest of it.

00:41:23.000 I've told this story before, so I apologize to anybody that's heard it.

00:41:26.000 But he went to the East Side Comedy Club in Huntington Beach.

00:41:31.000 It was on Long Island.

00:41:34.000 East Huntington?

00:41:34.000 I forget where it was.

00:41:35.000 But Eastside Comedy Club is a great comedy club on Long Island.

00:41:38.000 And I went there on a Sunday, and I talked to the guy that was the emcee all weekend, and he was depressed.

00:41:43.000 And I said, why are you depressed?

00:41:44.000 He goes, Richard Jenney did a different hour every show. 1.00

00:41:47.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:41:47.000 He did four different hours and killed. 1.00

00:41:51.000 He goes, I'm up there.

00:41:52.000 He goes, I have 20 minutes that I'm opening with, and I can barely get through them. 0.99

00:41:56.000 They suck. 0.99

00:41:57.000 And then I'm bringing on this genius who does a different hour every fucking show. 1.00

00:42:02.000 And he goes, it makes you want to quit comedy. 0.99

00:42:03.000 I think he might have quit comedy.

00:42:05.000 Because I never heard from him.

00:42:07.000 I really think that might have done him in.

00:42:10.000 Like, I think he was around for like a year or two after that, but I think that was it.

00:42:13.000 That is tough to watch though.

00:42:14.000 When you're working with a master and you're not even close to it yet.

00:42:18.000 It's like those dudes who fought Mike Tyson in the early days.

00:42:20.000 Like, you never saw them again.

00:42:21.000 Yeah.

00:42:23.000 I've been late for a show twice in my life, and both times it was from watching Mike Tyson's greatest hits.

00:42:29.000 Oh, wow.

00:42:30.000 They will drive you crazy.

00:42:31.000 There was a time in 1986, whatever it was, when he lost to Buster Douglas, when there's never been a heavyweight like him.

00:42:39.000 I think he was the greatest of all time.

00:42:40.000 I think he was the greatest of all time for a short period of time.

00:42:42.000 But I think you have to look at a fighter in particular.

00:42:45.000 They can't keep it up forever.

00:42:46.000 It's too crazy.

00:42:47.000 They only have a few years in this high revolution, high rev, redline prime. 1.00

00:42:54.000 And that's what I try to judge them on.

00:42:56.000 People judge fighters on longevity, like Sugar Ray Robinson.

00:43:00.000 The best example of all time is Bernard Hopkins.

00:43:04.000 Bernard Hopkins was a world champion when he was 49 years old.

00:43:09.000 Crazy. 0.85

00:43:10.000 Crazy. 0.94

00:43:11.000 That's my age. 0.96

00:43:12.000 Crazy. 0.95

00:43:13.000 And fucking up guys that were 20 years younger than him with ease. 0.99

00:43:17.000 You know? 0.98

00:43:18.000 That's wild.

00:43:19.000 I mean, he was a master.

00:43:21.000 Just a masterful boxer who had incredible discipline and never lost focus and never got out of shape and never ate bad food.

00:43:28.000 Never processed anything.

00:43:30.000 Wow. 0.99

00:43:31.000 He always ate, like, clean, organic food, drank water, no booze, fuck you, you know, up in the morning, always running, always calisthenics, always was shredded, never gained weight in between fights, even today. 0.99

00:43:42.000 I had him on the podcast today, like, a couple months ago. 0.99

00:43:46.000 How many months ago?

00:43:46.000 Six months ago?

00:43:47.000 Maybe a little longer.

00:43:50.000 Something like that.

00:43:51.000 Even now.

00:43:52.000 Guy's like in his 50s. 0.99

00:43:54.000 He's fucking shredded. 0.99

00:43:55.000 I don't have to. 0.99

00:43:55.000 Ready to go. 0.99

00:43:56.000 You don't have to!

00:43:57.000 You're a comedian!

00:43:58.000 I need the processed food sometimes.

00:44:01.000 Sometimes you need a little comfort, you know?

00:44:03.000 What do you think it was about Tyson?

00:44:04.000 Do you think it was his...

00:44:05.000 I always equate it to his legs and his coil.

00:44:09.000 There was a lot of factors.

00:44:11.000 A lot of factors.

00:44:13.000 First of all, there was his upbringing, right?

00:44:16.000 So, he had a horrible, horrible upbringing.

00:44:18.000 Okay.

00:44:19.000 Just crime and violence in the worst neighborhood in Brooklyn.

00:44:23.000 He lived in Bed-Stuy, right?

00:44:25.000 So, Brownsville, I think, originally, in Bed-Stuy.

00:44:29.000 Terrible neighborhoods.

00:44:30.000 Real bad.

00:44:31.000 You know, a lot of crime, a lot of violence.

00:44:33.000 And then at 13 years of age, he gets adopted by this guy, Customato, who's one of the greatest boxing minds of all time.

00:44:42.000 And he's also a hypnotist.

00:44:44.000 So from age 13 on, he's hypnotizing Mike and telling Mike he's the greatest of all time.

00:44:51.000 He's the greatest of all time.

00:44:53.000 He's going to be the greatest heavyweight the world has ever seen.

00:44:55.000 And then on top of it, you have crazy genetics.

00:44:59.000 Mike, I had Teddy Allison.

00:45:01.000 He told me that when Mike was 13, he was knocking out grown men.

00:45:04.000 And they wouldn't believe he was 13. He'd bring them to boxing tournaments.

00:45:07.000 They're like, how old is that kid?

00:45:07.000 He goes, 13. He goes, he's fucking 16. He goes, okay, he's 16. He put him in with the 16-year-olds.

00:45:13.000 He'd knock the 16-year-olds out. 0.55

00:45:14.000 Yeah, he was a freak.

00:45:16.000 So you have that sometimes, you know, you have kids that just have extraordinary genes and then you have this perfect storm of a very intelligent person who is deeply neglected as a child and then adopted by a genius.

00:45:31.000 Not just a boxing genius, but a genius in terms of psychology and life and philosophy, and he understood war, and he was a war historian, and he was a boxing historian, and he was also managed by this guy Jim Jeffries, or Jim Jacobs rather, excuse me.

00:45:45.000 Jim Jacobs had Jim Jeffries tapes, or James Jeffries.

00:45:51.000 Jack Johnson and Jack Dempsey.

00:45:54.000 He had all the film footage of fighters, some of the greatest boxers of all time.

00:46:00.000 Willie Pep, Floyd Patterson.

00:46:03.000 He had all this old footage on reels.

00:46:06.000 And he was like the biggest collector of old boxing footage.

00:46:10.000 And Mike was being managed by him.

00:46:12.000 So Mike would sit there all day and watch Jack Dempsey fight, watch Jack Johnson fight, watch Stanley Greb, watch these old, old killers.

00:46:22.000 You know, these guys that existed, you know, decades ago and no one gets a chance to see them.

00:46:28.000 Because, you know, we're talking about 1980. You don't even have VHS tapes, right?

00:46:34.000 When did they come along?

00:46:35.000 They were like 82 or something like that, right?

00:46:37.000 So he's getting, like, this is happening to him in the 70s, like late 70s.

00:46:42.000 Like, let's make sense of this.

00:46:44.000 So he's 58, he's a year older than me, and so how old was he when he was 13?

00:46:50.000 What year was it when he was 13, rather?

00:46:54.000 So he was born in 66. I've been 79. 79. Okay.

00:46:59.000 No VHS. So the only way you can see these things is if they put them on television, which they might, but then you have to watch it while it's on TV. You can't rewatch it again.

00:47:09.000 There's no way to record anything.

00:47:11.000 Or...

00:47:12.000 You know Jim Jacobs.

00:47:14.000 Jim Jacobs who also did the commentary in a lot of those.

00:47:18.000 If you watch a lot of those old films, they're black and white and there's no sound.

00:47:22.000 And they like put in sound later and Jim Jacobs does the commentary.

00:47:26.000 I know his voice.

00:47:28.000 And he was a genius, too. 0.99

00:47:30.000 And they had this incredible convergence of all these things that created Mike Tyson in, like, 1986, where people were like, holy shit! 0.99

00:47:40.000 When he would walk out there with no bathrobe and just fucking... 0.99

00:47:43.000 He was a perfect creation of the universe. 0.99

00:47:47.000 Like, the universe, all the factors that would come into play that make something super special.

00:47:52.000 All came in in his, I mean, to be a boxing champion, it could not have had a better convergence of mind, talent, background, and then the people that were influencing him.

00:48:04.000 Yeah, he was wild.

00:48:06.000 Yeah, he's being trained by Teddy Atlas when he's a little kid.

00:48:08.000 Isn't it illegal to hypnotize a child?

00:48:12.000 That's a good question.

00:48:14.000 I would think there's got to be something.

00:48:16.000 That's a good question.

00:48:17.000 Depends.

00:48:17.000 I mean, one of your kid thinks they're possessed.

00:48:20.000 That might be a good thing to hypnotize them.

00:48:22.000 You think kid is like, what's your dad?

00:48:26.000 I have words for you. 1.00

00:48:28.000 Like, oh, Billy, what the fuck is wrong with you, man? 0.99

00:48:30.000 I'm sorry I left you alone. 0.99

00:48:31.000 I had to work.

00:48:31.000 I had two jobs.

00:48:32.000 I had to pay the bills.

00:48:34.000 Billy's bouncing off the walls at home and he thinks he's possessed.

00:48:36.000 Freaking out.

00:48:37.000 You're like, watch the spoon.

00:48:38.000 Yeah, it might be good to hypnotize that kid. 0.80

00:48:40.000 But yeah, I would think hypnotizing anybody before they were aware of what the fuck that means But I don't think hypnotizing is what people think it is either. 0.92

00:48:53.000 I've only been hypnotized once, so I can't speak to what the total potential of what someone can do with hypnosis is.

00:49:02.000 But you're aware of what's going on.

00:49:03.000 It's not like you're going to take your clothes off and blow the sky.

00:49:06.000 It doesn't make any sense.

00:49:08.000 You're just in a different state of consciousness.

00:49:11.000 And it's almost like you're allowed to look at things for what they really are versus all this noise that's around most of the ideas in your head.

00:49:19.000 Where you're blaming other people when you should probably blame yourself when, you know, you were lazy and that's why it went bad and it wasn't like someone else's fault and all that stuff that keeps people on the wrong track, that keeps people drinking too much and gambling too much,

00:49:35.000 all those weird things that are going on in your head, like, you'll get past that and you'll see you. 0.91

00:49:41.000 And you see you for a brief amount of time, and you kind of analyze what it is that's fucking with you. 0.77

00:49:47.000 And then someone who's like a good performance psychologist can implant ideas, like help you implant ideas in your mind of how you're going to approach things from now on.

00:49:58.000 How are you going to look at things from now on?

00:49:59.000 I know a lot of fighters use them.

00:50:01.000 A lot of fighters use.

00:50:03.000 Hypnotists and performance coaches.

00:50:04.000 The guy who did it to me is my friend Vinny Shorman, and he does it to a lot of fighters.

00:50:09.000 He hypnotizes a lot of fighters.

00:50:10.000 And what does he put in there then?

00:50:12.000 I think it depends.

00:50:14.000 I think it's different for each fighter.

00:50:16.000 It's like what they need.

00:50:17.000 Yeah.

00:50:17.000 What they're missing.

00:50:18.000 I mean, some fighters, there's a thing that happens with some fighters in the midst of a chaotic fight.

00:50:25.000 They will forget about the game plan and they will just go on instinct and start throwing down and they wind up getting knocked out or something goes bad.

00:50:33.000 They panic.

00:50:35.000 I want to say panic, but they don't think straight.

00:50:39.000 That's the best way to say it.

00:50:40.000 They're still fighting.

00:50:41.000 It's chaos. 0.99

00:50:42.000 But you're letting that lizard brain take over. 0.97

00:50:44.000 And you're not sticking to the game plan.

00:50:46.000 The really good fighters know how, even in these chaotic scrambles, to keep things technical.

00:50:53.000 Don't do anything that's going to get you caught.

00:50:56.000 It looks nutty when you're watching it on television.

00:50:59.000 But if you're watching a tactician like a Max Holloway or a San Hagen or Sean O'Malley, these fighters are very tactical.

00:51:09.000 Everything they're doing is to elicit a reaction from you and then they have counters based on how you do things and then they start downloading how you're moving and reacting to things and then they'll start plotting and moving.

00:51:21.000 Anderson Silva was the very best at that. 0.98

00:51:23.000 He would take the first round and he would just be kind of like moving with you and moving with you and then towards the end of the round he started fucking you up.

00:51:30.000 He was just downloading Anderson in his prime. 0.93

00:51:34.000 You know, I had never seen anything like him.

00:51:36.000 He was in his prime.

00:51:37.000 He was just downloading people's movements. 1.00

00:51:39.000 And do you think those other fighters could see it in his eyes and they're like, oh, fuck. 1.00

00:51:43.000 Now he knows. 0.99

00:51:44.000 Yeah, when he was at the top, for sure, everyone was terrified of him.

00:51:47.000 The one thing that they did find out, though, he had a flaw.

00:51:50.000 And the flaw was, if you didn't attack him, he didn't attack you. 1.00

00:51:55.000 He wasn't willing to take stupid chances, especially with big punchers. 0.99

00:51:59.000 There's this guy Patrick Cote, and Patrick Cote was a big puncher, like one-punch KO guy. 0.99

00:52:04.000 And they had the worst fight. 0.96

00:52:06.000 It was a boring-ass fight. 0.54

00:52:07.000 And then Patrick, unfortunately, threw a kick and blew out his knee. 0.74

00:52:11.000 It was like the worst ending of a fight ever.

00:52:12.000 His knee exploded.

00:52:14.000 Just not getting hit?

00:52:15.000 Just kind of twisted?

00:52:16.000 Yeah, not getting hit at all.

00:52:17.000 He just went to throw a kick and his knee was in a weird position and it just blew apart.

00:52:21.000 And he's like, God!

00:52:22.000 And it falls down.

00:52:23.000 That's happened before.

00:52:24.000 It happened to Tom Aspinall recently.

00:52:26.000 Threw a kick, knee fell apart.

00:52:28.000 Didn't even happen.

00:52:28.000 It wasn't happening where someone did something to him.

00:52:31.000 He just threw a kick and his knee fell apart.

00:52:32.000 I'd rather watch a guy get knocked unconscious than have that huge response to a part of their body blowing up.

00:52:39.000 The knee's a bad one, but the worst is a shin break.

00:52:42.000 That's the very, very worst.

00:52:44.000 Or an arm break.

00:52:45.000 A forearm break or a shin break.

00:52:46.000 Those are very hard to watch.

00:52:48.000 Those are the hardest I've ever... 0.99

00:52:49.000 I've seen four leg breaks in person, and they're fucking horrific, man. 0.99

00:52:54.000 They are fucking horrific. 0.99

00:52:56.000 They hurt your soul. 1.00

00:52:57.000 Oh, you got one?

00:52:58.000 This is the worst one.

00:52:59.000 Oh, that's Patrick right there.

00:53:01.000 So watch how he does this.

00:53:02.000 Look, it's so crazy.

00:53:03.000 They're moving around, and he... 0.97

00:53:07.000 He goes like he's gonna throw a kick, and he just fucking moved weird. 0.98

00:53:11.000 That's it. 0.98

00:53:12.000 Out of nowhere.

00:53:13.000 Out of nowhere.

00:53:14.000 His knee just exploded.

00:53:16.000 Blew out his ACL. Taurus meniscus.

00:53:18.000 Crazy.

00:53:19.000 And that's a tough dude, so for him to have that reaction? 0.86

00:53:22.000 The toughest. 0.86

00:53:23.000 He was an animal. 1.00

00:53:23.000 Patrick Cote was a fucking animal. 1.00

00:53:25.000 But the fight was kind of boring because he was so dangerous. 1.00

00:53:29.000 So Anderson couldn't, he couldn't lead, right?

00:53:32.000 Because if you lead, you worry about being countered. 0.96

00:53:34.000 So Anderson was not just really fucking good, but also really smart. 0.96

00:53:41.000 He just knew when he could hit you and he knew when you could hit him and he would take his time. 0.93

00:53:47.000 But again, Once he got you figured out, as the fight went on, if he made the fight boring, it was also a strategy.

00:53:57.000 Because then you would be anxious, and you would maybe do something to try to pick up the pace, and he would crack you. 0.98

00:54:02.000 He's an old veteran, so he's just standing around going, I don't give a fuck about booze. 0.97

00:54:06.000 Just move around here. 0.96

00:54:09.000 He did that with another guy, a Brazilian guy, Talos Leites.

00:54:12.000 Kind of the same thing. 1.00

00:54:13.000 Boring ass fight. 0.99

00:54:15.000 But a dangerous fighter. 1.00

00:54:16.000 And a really dangerous guy on the ground.

00:54:18.000 Talos Leites was a nasty jiu-jitsu black belt.

00:54:20.000 And so he was like, we ain't going to the ground. 0.99

00:54:22.000 I was fucking staying on the outside. 0.95

00:54:24.000 Just kind of barely win every round. 1.00

00:54:27.000 But if you do something stupid, I'll fuck you up. 1.00

00:54:29.000 And nobody did anything stupid. 1.00

00:54:31.000 That's wild to know all that shit. 1.00

00:54:32.000 Well, he was just so smart that he didn't care if people were booing. 1.00

00:54:35.000 And then the UFC would get mad at him.

00:54:37.000 They'd get mad at him because those performances, even though he's the greatest of all time, at the time he was for sure, in my eyes, he's still in the conversation.

00:54:44.000 During his time period when he was running shit, still in my book, if not the greatest, one of the greatest of all time, for sure.

00:54:52.000 He's in the conversation, whatever that, the conversation's so subjective, and I change my opinion on it all the time. 0.99

00:54:57.000 But during that time period, he didn't give a fuck if people were booing. 0.99

00:55:01.000 He didn't care. 0.98

00:55:02.000 So the UFC would get mad at him.

00:55:04.000 But I was always of the mind that he's doing the 100% correct thing.

00:55:08.000 He's the best fighter.

00:55:10.000 And to fight the best, you gotta know when to attack and when not to attack.

00:55:14.000 And sometimes you don't attack at all.

00:55:17.000 Sometimes, if he does something out of character and forces it, that was not his style. 1.00

00:55:21.000 So for him to engage in a style that's not his style, then that's stupid. 0.99

00:55:27.000 The smart thing is to fight to the best of your abilities. 0.98

00:55:29.000 And unfortunately, some of those fights were not fun.

00:55:32.000 But you also get the Vitor Belfort fight from the same guy.

00:55:35.000 You know, you get the Okami fight, you get the Forrest Griffin fight, you get all those insane knockouts, those highlight reel knockouts.

00:55:45.000 He was a monster, man.

00:55:46.000 In his prime, he was a monster. 0.99

00:55:48.000 But if you can take the booze and the other guy can't... 0.94

00:55:51.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:55:51.000 Well, it was also like he wasn't gonna do anything stupid until he did. 0.99

00:55:54.000 And then he did, and he got knocked out by Chris Weidman because he was doing something stupid. 0.99

00:55:57.000 That's literally what his demise was, was the thing that kept him so invincible his whole career. 0.97

00:56:03.000 He would stay composed.

00:56:04.000 No matter what happened, he'd just stay composed.

00:56:07.000 He always knew when to attack, when not to attack, when to attack, when not to attack.

00:56:11.000 He was just a genius.

00:56:13.000 There's guys that for a while, whatever those years are, you can't beat them.

00:56:19.000 No one's gonna beat them for these years.

00:56:21.000 And that's just because of his strategy watching you move He was also so good at being the champion, right?

00:56:29.000 There's a thing about performing in front of so many people with such high stakes, and if you've never experienced that before, the first time you ever fight for a championship fight, it's so crazy.

00:56:42.000 You see it in guys' faces sometimes.

00:56:44.000 You see the weight of it on them. 1.00

00:56:45.000 They're like, fuck, this is so heavy. 0.99

00:56:49.000 There's so much anxiety. 1.00

00:56:50.000 You just can't wait to get in there and get it.

00:56:52.000 And once it gets going, Then you're fine.

00:56:55.000 Then you're just going on instincts.

00:56:56.000 Then you're going on training, and then you're fighting.

00:56:58.000 But it's the buildup and the thinking and the anticipation and the anxiety.

00:57:02.000 He's used to that.

00:57:04.000 He's done that 13 times.

00:57:06.000 He defended the middleweight title, I believe, more than anyone ever.

00:57:10.000 Is that true?

00:57:11.000 I believe he did.

00:57:12.000 That's why Gene Hackman measured the hoop in Hoosiers.

00:57:15.000 Let them know, like, you've been here.

00:57:17.000 This is it. 1.00

00:57:17.000 Same fuck. 1.00

00:57:18.000 It's 10 feet. 1.00

00:57:18.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:19.000 It's the same thing everywhere.

00:57:20.000 Yeah.

00:57:21.000 But the thing is, it's like that anxiety of performing in the moment, and that's what a sports psychologist does.

00:57:28.000 That's where a sports psychiatrist comes in.

00:57:30.000 That's where a sports hypnotist, rather, comes in.

00:57:33.000 Psychiatrists, too, but they give you drugs.

00:57:35.000 You can't take those when you're fighting.

00:57:37.000 Some guys have tried.

00:57:39.000 I knew a guy who got kicked off a card because he was on Adderall.

00:57:43.000 And they were like, you can't take Adderall and fight.

00:57:45.000 He's like, I need it for my ADD. Like, fuck, shut up. 1.00

00:57:48.000 Shut up, bro. 1.00

00:57:48.000 You're on speed. 1.00

00:57:52.000 It's tough though, man.

00:57:52.000 Sports can mess you up.

00:57:54.000 Oh, 100%.

00:57:55.000 I come home from golf for the last three years miserable, right? 1.00

00:58:00.000 Calling myself a dumb fuck, calling myself a piece of shit loser. 1.00

00:58:03.000 And then my girlfriend goes, hey, why don't you just pretend you're talking to eight-year-old you. 1.00

00:58:09.000 And I tried that shit for a round. 1.00

00:58:11.000 I had the greatest round of my life. 1.00

00:58:13.000 Yeah, you could do it. 1.00

00:58:16.000 You just have to, that part of being a man in particular, like, you fucking idiot! 1.00

00:58:22.000 You know, like, you make a mistake. 1.00

00:58:23.000 You gotta avoid that.

00:58:24.000 It does you zero good.

00:58:25.000 There's a gym teacher with real short shorts in my head.

00:58:29.000 That is the voice in my head, dude. 1.00

00:58:31.000 Just like, you fucking idiot. 1.00

00:58:32.000 I'm guilty of that sometimes when I play pool. 1.00

00:58:35.000 I'll talk shit to myself. 0.99

00:58:36.000 This is great. 1.00

00:58:36.000 Charles Barkley's one of us. 1.00

00:58:37.000 What does he do?

00:58:38.000 What does he do?

00:58:44.000 Did you hear how fast that was?

00:58:48.000 I mean, he almost not even hit the ball before he said it.

00:58:51.000 That's amazing.

00:58:53.000 Oh my god, that's hilarious.

00:58:54.000 And then the girls taking the video laugh at the end. 0.52

00:58:56.000 It's so good.

00:58:58.000 That's hilarious.

00:59:00.000 Yeah, that does not help you.

00:59:02.000 But also, there's a thing about a guy like a Charles Barkley, or a guy like you, it's like you don't really have the time to dedicate to a thing like golf to really get great at it.

00:59:12.000 It's the same thing as playing pool.

00:59:14.000 The great pool players, they play eight hours a day.

00:59:17.000 Eight hours a day.

00:59:18.000 If you want to play like a Shane Van Boning level, you want to play like a Fedor Gorst level, you have to play eight hours a day.

00:59:26.000 They play eight hours a day. 0.99

00:59:28.000 They don't fuck around. 0.99

00:59:30.000 They're so in the groove all the time that if you're like a casual player, you just can't find that groove. 0.99

00:59:38.000 And they don't want to ever let that groove go.

00:59:40.000 They're in that groove all day long.

00:59:41.000 All day long.

00:59:42.000 They wake up in the morning and they start thinking about running balls.

00:59:45.000 They start thinking about putting English on balls. 1.00

00:59:47.000 If you want to play golf like a really great golfer, those fucking guys play every day. 1.00

00:59:54.000 They have coaches. 1.00

00:59:55.000 There's just no way.

00:59:56.000 They analyze footage.

00:59:58.000 Look at Tiger Woods.

00:59:59.000 Tiger Woods started playing when he was how old?

01:00:02.000 Three, maybe?

01:00:02.000 Two?

01:00:03.000 In the womb, arguably?

01:00:04.000 Yeah.

01:00:04.000 Yeah, and was coached by his father from the time he was a child.

01:00:09.000 Played constantly.

01:00:11.000 Greatest of all time.

01:00:12.000 I mean, you can get in the groove for a little bit, and that's what keeps you going back, but you're not going to stay in the groove.

01:00:17.000 You're not going to stay in the groove.

01:00:18.000 No.

01:00:18.000 To me, it's maddening for me with Poole.

01:00:21.000 Because if I have a night off and I can play for like five, six hours, like around four hours in, I start really getting the groove.

01:00:28.000 I start feeling it.

01:00:29.000 But it's like inconsistent.

01:00:30.000 It comes and goes.

01:00:31.000 But if you play with a great player and you watch them do it, they just never get out of the groove.

01:00:34.000 They're always there.

01:00:35.000 They very rarely miss.

01:00:37.000 They very rarely miss position.

01:00:39.000 Their cue ball's perfect.

01:00:41.000 It's always moving exactly where they want it to go.

01:00:42.000 And if it's not, they play safe.

01:00:44.000 And you watch and you're just like, what?

01:00:47.000 This is a feel of the movement of the balls that's only possible if you're so finely tuned to it that you're playing every day.

01:00:57.000 This guy, Fedor, he just won the World Championships.

01:01:00.000 He's a friend of mine.

01:01:01.000 He's been on the podcast before.

01:01:03.000 We were having a conversation on the phone about Q's because he had switched.

01:01:08.000 He was with this company Q-Tech and then he switched this company White Carbon.

01:01:11.000 And it was months ago.

01:01:14.000 And I was saying, we were talking about, you know, different approaches he uses and different equipment.

01:01:19.000 He's like, I'm still adjusting to this Q. I go, really? 0.73

01:01:22.000 I go, have you had it for like how long now?

01:01:23.000 He's like four months.

01:01:24.000 He goes, well, he goes, I'm pretty much there.

01:01:26.000 He goes, but I'm about three or four percent off.

01:01:30.000 3 or 4% off.

01:01:32.000 3 or 4% off. 1.00

01:01:34.000 This guy's a fucking robot. 0.99

01:01:36.000 His understanding of where he should be versus where he is, he wants to know exactly how much pressure to apply on that cue to make that ball dance exactly the way. 1.00

01:01:49.000 He's like, it's a little off.

01:01:50.000 He knows it's a little off.

01:01:52.000 I did it just right, but it went there instead of there.

01:01:57.000 3%.

01:01:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:01:58.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:01:59.000 You ever left the stage and just screamed a hundred fucking percent into the green room? 1.00

01:02:03.000 I'm off a hundred percent! 0.99

01:02:06.000 Every now and then you catch a groove and you are in a hundred percent.

01:02:09.000 And those moments are the weirdest.

01:02:11.000 You're like, why can't I do this all the time?

01:02:13.000 Why can't I just have so much fun with the jokes all the time?

01:02:17.000 Sometimes you're having so much fun saying the material, it makes everything so much better.

01:02:21.000 And you're like, why don't I do this all the time?

01:02:24.000 And it just feels like every single thing you say is gonna be awesome.

01:02:28.000 And the more you do it, the more you're there.

01:02:30.000 So if you have a Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, like if you're doing a real week in a place, by the time Saturday rolls around, you're a wizard.

01:02:39.000 You're a wizard. 0.99

01:02:40.000 You got those bits tied up in a fucking basement. 1.00

01:02:44.000 You're in control of the situation. 1.00

01:02:46.000 Just thinking about what you're going to eat after the show and still killing.

01:02:49.000 Yeah, you're in the flow.

01:02:50.000 You're in that flow state.

01:02:51.000 And that's when you come up with new stuff.

01:02:53.000 That's the best way to come up with new stuff.

01:02:55.000 Because you just feel funny.

01:02:56.000 You feel where the funny is.

01:02:57.000 It's like, I know that vibe.

01:02:58.000 I caught that vibe.

01:02:59.000 I know where that vibe is.

01:03:00.000 I can ride that vibe.

01:03:02.000 And that's those golf guys. 1.00

01:03:04.000 So if you're not doing that every day, you're going to get out there and fucking, fucking loser! 1.00

01:03:08.000 You fucking idiot! 1.00

01:03:09.000 You fat fuck! 1.00

01:03:10.000 You talk to yourself! 1.00

01:03:12.000 Just like Charles Barkley!

01:03:14.000 It's unavoidable!

01:03:15.000 Yeah.

01:03:16.000 Do you ever play snooker?

01:03:17.000 I know.

01:03:17.000 I have not played.

01:03:18.000 I've seen people play it. 0.98

01:03:19.000 I've fucked around on a snooker table. 0.93

01:03:21.000 I've never played a game of snooker, but it's very difficult. 0.98

01:03:23.000 It's hard.

01:03:24.000 A lot of snooker players are super successful in pool.

01:03:27.000 No pool players.

01:03:28.000 Maybe Alex Pagulion.

01:03:30.000 He can play everything.

01:03:31.000 He's a world champion in every discipline.

01:03:34.000 He's a world champion in eight ball, nine ball, ten ball.

01:03:36.000 He's one of the greats of all times.

01:03:38.000 One of the Filipinos, too, which, for whatever reason, Filipinos are the best pool players on Earth.

01:03:43.000 There's guys driving taxi cabs in the Philippines that can win pool tournaments in America.

01:03:51.000 They come over here.

01:03:52.000 Everywhere you go, there's pool tables.

01:03:55.000 It's one of the most popular games.

01:03:59.000 In the whole island chain.

01:04:02.000 It's huge over there.

01:04:04.000 But that guy, he's like an elite professional snooker player as well as an elite professional pool player.

01:04:10.000 But he's super rare.

01:04:12.000 He's like John Mora.

01:04:12.000 There's a couple other guys that can play really good snooker.

01:04:15.000 We came up playing snooker in northern Minnesota.

01:04:18.000 That's a tough game, man.

01:04:19.000 Yeah, you'd go in and these guys are just like, they take it so fucking seriously.

01:04:22.000 If you lose them a dollar.

01:04:24.000 I mean, these were old, old men. 0.91

01:04:26.000 And if you lose them a dollar, forget it, you're out.

01:04:28.000 I remember they always used to say, so a two ball was worth money.

01:04:33.000 So you'd have to make a cherry, it's called, a red ball first, and then you had to make a number ball.

01:04:38.000 And then he would always go, if he'd missed the two ball, he'd go, they never do.

01:04:41.000 Or he'd go, yeah, you bet, if he'd made it.

01:04:44.000 And so we went to this guy's funeral, and we had a buddy with me, and he had a flask with him.

01:04:49.000 And they were talking, and he stands up and raises the flask, and he goes, they never do!

01:04:54.000 And then all his old buddies had flasks with him, and they raise and go, yeah, you bet! 0.98

01:04:58.000 It was the fucking greatest funeral I've ever been to. 0.94

01:05:00.000 That's awesome. 0.99

01:05:02.000 Well, I bet snooker pool, snooker halls.

01:05:05.000 What would you call them?

01:05:06.000 What do they call snooker halls?

01:05:08.000 Where people play snooker?

01:05:09.000 We just played at the spot.

01:05:09.000 I don't know.

01:05:10.000 It was like a little restaurant that had tables in back.

01:05:14.000 Oh, okay.

01:05:14.000 And they were all snooker tables?

01:05:16.000 We had two pool tables and then two snooker tables.

01:05:18.000 Oh, okay.

01:05:19.000 Because places where they just play snooker, do they call them a snooker hall?

01:05:23.000 Probably.

01:05:23.000 Is that what they're called?

01:05:24.000 Snooker club.

01:05:25.000 Snooker club.

01:05:27.000 The term pool actually comes from gambling.

01:05:29.000 Pool is not the game.

01:05:31.000 The game is pocket billiards.

01:05:32.000 Pool is what's called, they would pool their money together and gamble.

01:05:35.000 That's the name that was attributed to it.

01:05:38.000 Yeah.

01:05:39.000 It was really a gambling game, 100%.

01:05:41.000 But snooker players come over to America, snooker players come over to America and rob people in pool.

01:05:47.000 They play really good. 0.99

01:05:49.000 Because they're used to those little holes, and also these big ass holes. 1.00

01:05:52.000 It's just getting used to the ball moving different. 0.98

01:05:56.000 Because their balls are so small, they don't put a lot of side English on them, and they don't do weird stuff with them. 0.98

01:06:01.000 American cue balls are larger, and the billiard balls are larger, so they do a lot of shit with them. 0.98

01:06:06.000 They throw balls into the side pocket with English and do weird things. 0.97

01:06:10.000 So they have to learn all that stuff, and then they learn how to break hard.

01:06:13.000 Once they do that, their technique is so flawless.

01:06:16.000 Yeah, spot on, because they're going just straight shots.

01:06:18.000 And they have academies that teach people how to play.

01:06:21.000 There's a few really good teachers in this country, but there's no national system where you have a university that you go to to learn how to play snooker.

01:06:31.000 They have that.

01:06:33.000 At one point in time, there was real money in snooker in the UK. Like real money.

01:06:39.000 Like those guys were millionaires.

01:06:40.000 What?

01:06:41.000 Yeah.

01:06:42.000 Yeah.

01:06:43.000 The guys I was playing with were not millionaires.

01:06:45.000 Well, you were playing with the guys in Canada or Michigan, right?

01:06:47.000 Minnesota.

01:06:48.000 Minnesota.

01:06:48.000 Yeah.

01:06:49.000 All that cold stuff's the same to me.

01:06:53.000 But in the UK, yeah, there was...

01:06:55.000 Snooker was huge on television.

01:06:58.000 I remember going over there for a gig a long time ago and turning on the TV. I'm like, whoa, they got Snooker on like regular TV. This is nuts.

01:07:04.000 Oh, wow.

01:07:05.000 Yeah.

01:07:06.000 Watching these matches because, you know, you're stuck in a hotel room before your show.

01:07:09.000 So you're just watching.

01:07:10.000 What do you guys watch?

01:07:11.000 And they're all watching Snooker.

01:07:14.000 But for whatever reason, I think it died off.

01:07:17.000 I don't think it's that popular anymore.

01:07:20.000 I don't think you could find a snooker table in the town I grew up in anymore.

01:07:23.000 Hmm.

01:07:25.000 Yeah.

01:07:25.000 Places closed, they get rid of them because all the old guys that played died off.

01:07:29.000 Well, the game that really died off was Three Cushion Billiards.

01:07:33.000 Three Cushion Billiards was the real game back in the day.

01:07:37.000 What's that?

01:07:37.000 It's a game with no pockets.

01:07:40.000 And the game, it was also a very big gambling game where people would gamble a lot of money.

01:07:45.000 Like gentlemen would gamble a lot of money playing Three Cushion.

01:07:49.000 And Three Cushion, you can't find that anywhere anymore.

01:07:51.000 It's still in some countries.

01:07:53.000 I think Korea has a big Three Cushion scene and Belgium.

01:07:57.000 There's a guy from Belgium that does really well.

01:07:58.000 Three Cushion, some European countries still use it.

01:08:00.000 Is that the one that has like the score up on a wire above the table where you move it with your cue?

01:08:05.000 Yeah.

01:08:06.000 They do that with pool, too.

01:08:07.000 Okay.

01:08:08.000 That's just a score line. 0.99

01:08:09.000 But what Three Cushion Billiards is, is this giant-ass table that has no pockets, and you have three balls.

01:08:16.000 And it's usually two white balls and a red ball, or two red balls and a white ball.

01:08:21.000 And see, right here, they do yellow sometimes, too, now.

01:08:25.000 So this guy has to hit a ball and then it has to go three cushions and then hit the second ball.

01:08:32.000 So it's all about understanding angles.

01:08:34.000 See if you can find a video of someone doing it. 0.99

01:08:36.000 It's fucking boring! 0.99

01:08:41.000 See, this is the game. 0.99

01:08:43.000 So he's got to hit a ball, and then it's got to go three cushions and hit another ball.

01:08:46.000 But what it really does is if you learn this game, it teaches you how billiard balls move around a table, so it really helps you play better position for pocket billiards, and it helps you learn how to play safe better and how to kick at balls better.

01:09:02.000 That's pretty wild that he's hitting that ball, though.

01:09:04.000 This guy's obviously a wizard.

01:09:06.000 This is really hard to do.

01:09:08.000 So it is really a thinking person's game. 0.94

01:09:12.000 The problem that I have with it is I want to see balls go away.

01:09:17.000 I don't want to see them sticking around. 0.98

01:09:19.000 If I make a point, I want you to go bye-bye.

01:09:22.000 I don't want to see you.

01:09:25.000 The fun with me is that guy, Bloomdahl.

01:09:28.000 He's one of the greatest of all time.

01:09:30.000 World champion.

01:09:31.000 I think I said his name wrong.

01:09:33.000 Because I only watched a few matches ever.

01:09:36.000 I'm ADD to the max.

01:09:37.000 I watch like 10 minutes.

01:09:39.000 I'm like, why is the ball still there? 0.99

01:09:41.000 This game sucks. 0.88

01:09:42.000 Yeah, the elimination process is the best part of Poole, I think. 0.99

01:09:44.000 Exactly.

01:09:45.000 I like watching someone run out.

01:09:46.000 And then making a ball is so, like, the last ball.

01:09:50.000 Like, if it's a hard shot, like, oh my god, is he gonna make it?

01:09:52.000 Is he gonna make it?

01:09:53.000 You know, there's a lot.

01:09:53.000 And then when it goes away, like, yay!

01:09:55.000 It's satisfying.

01:09:56.000 I don't want to see it bounce around and stick around.

01:09:59.000 But I've seen people play snooker at a very high level, and it's wild to watch.

01:10:06.000 You know, you watch someone just run out and snooker, and you're just like, Jesus Christ.

01:10:11.000 Like, you have to be so precise.

01:10:14.000 The table's huge. 0.99

01:10:15.000 Yeah, tiny pockets, little balls. 0.98

01:10:17.000 Yeah, it's crazy. 0.97

01:10:19.000 It's a super difficult game.

01:10:21.000 But that's, you know, for whatever reason, that never caught on over here.

01:10:25.000 It's like soccer.

01:10:26.000 For whatever reason, never caught on over here.

01:10:28.000 Just in pockets, yeah.

01:10:30.000 Yeah, I don't know why, like, some things never...

01:10:33.000 I have a friend of mine, my friend Eddie, owns the local soccer professional team out here, and he gave me some insight on that.

01:10:40.000 He goes, they never take a break.

01:10:42.000 He's like, football, baseball, you get commercial breaks.

01:10:45.000 So commercials get stuffed in.

01:10:46.000 Soccer never stops.

01:10:48.000 It's like they play on the clock, and the clock keeps going, and every match is going to be X amount of minutes long, and that's that.

01:10:54.000 There's no room for commercials.

01:10:56.000 I was like, oh, that makes sense. 0.99

01:10:58.000 Because if you go watch professional soccer live, it's fucking exciting as shit. 0.99

01:11:03.000 Yeah, everybody's freaking out. 0.99

01:11:04.000 And you appreciate the athleticism that you have to have, the cardio that you have to have to be running back and forth and back and forth and sprinting and sideways and, you know, ducking and dodging and... 0.99

01:11:17.000 Fucking kicking balls at crazy angles. 0.99

01:11:19.000 It's a wild-ass sport. 0.99

01:11:21.000 Yeah, they're very good.

01:11:22.000 I mean, you look at those guys and you go, well, there's not a 10% body fat person on this field.

01:11:26.000 Not one.

01:11:27.000 No excess fat.

01:11:28.000 They all have, like, fairly small upper bodies and just jacked legs.

01:11:33.000 And these guys are sprinting constantly.

01:11:35.000 They have no wasted motion.

01:11:36.000 At the elite levels, like the Lionel Messi level, like, there's no wasted motion.

01:11:41.000 Those guys are just freak athletes.

01:11:44.000 My kids both played soccer, junior and senior year, and it was great because I don't know anything about it, and it's the only sport I wouldn't yell at. 0.94

01:11:51.000 Because I didn't want people to go, that's fucking wrong, dude. 0.97

01:11:54.000 So I just sit there and keep my mouth shut. 0.99

01:11:57.000 Bro, some parents are brutal.

01:11:58.000 Oh, it's so tough.

01:12:00.000 I watched a guy after a hockey game.

01:12:03.000 This kid just, I mean, he scored probably, I don't know, six goals or something.

01:12:07.000 This little tiny kid, this is 14U. And this dad, he's yelling at this kid.

01:12:12.000 I'm walking out, and he's right by the locker room.

01:12:15.000 And I go, hey man.

01:12:16.000 I pulled the guy aside, and I go, come on.

01:12:18.000 Kid, what's going on here?

01:12:20.000 I thought he was a dad.

01:12:21.000 It wasn't the dad. 1.00

01:12:22.000 It was the goalie's dad yelling at the kid that scored on him, calling him a fucking fancy pants and all this other shit. 0.99

01:12:29.000 And I was like, bro, he's a kid. 0.99

01:12:31.000 What are you doing?

01:12:32.000 Oh, no.

01:12:33.000 Yeah, but parents go way too over the top.

01:12:35.000 Oh, no. 0.99

01:12:37.000 Yelling at an ump is one thing, but yelling at a kid because he scored on your kid, that's ridiculous. 0.98

01:12:47.000 I've seen guys get knocked out in front of their screaming moms. 1.00

01:12:50.000 Their moms are screaming, kick his ass, kick his ass, this guy fucking sucks, this guy's a pussy. 1.00

01:12:57.000 Lights out? 1.00

01:12:58.000 Yeah, in front of their mom.

01:12:59.000 While their mom's screaming obscenities. 0.99

01:13:04.000 It's hard to swallow.

01:13:05.000 Hard to swallow. 0.99

01:13:07.000 Mom, you probably distracted the fuck out of your son, first of all. 1.00

01:13:10.000 Imagine hearing your mom screaming all that shit, and you're like, shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:13:14.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:13:15.000 I didn't like my mom yelling, you got him, honey, when I was pitching. 1.00

01:13:19.000 Oh, God. 0.99

01:13:20.000 That kind of shit, where you're like, I am working on it. 1.00

01:13:23.000 Don't do this, lady. 1.00

01:13:24.000 I know this is not for you.

01:13:26.000 This is for me.

01:13:27.000 Okay, you're supposed to clap when things go well.

01:13:29.000 Yeah.

01:13:30.000 And that's it. 0.99

01:13:31.000 Don't be fucking yelling out instructions. 1.00

01:13:33.000 You got them, honey. 1.00

01:13:34.000 Like, you didn't think you had them until your mom yelled it out.

01:13:37.000 Like, oh, I got them?

01:13:38.000 Okay.

01:13:38.000 Thank you, mother.

01:13:39.000 No, I got it.

01:13:40.000 Thank you so much.

01:13:41.000 Especially people that have never competed in a sport before. 0.87

01:13:43.000 You don't know how fucking distracting that is? 0.97

01:13:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:13:46.000 Like, shut your hole, lady. 1.00

01:13:47.000 And she had competed in sports. 0.98

01:13:49.000 That's the problem.

01:13:50.000 Oh, no!

01:13:50.000 So she loved it.

01:13:51.000 Yeah, that'd be like her being on the beam and I'm like, jump higher.

01:13:54.000 It's also I think people back then in those days, like when she grew up, they didn't know any better.

01:14:00.000 Like people didn't know what you're supposed to do and not supposed to do.

01:14:03.000 People hit their kids.

01:14:04.000 Oh, yeah.

01:14:05.000 They're kids. 1.00

01:14:06.000 They all yelled at their kids, called them fucking idiots. 1.00

01:14:09.000 Everybody did that. 1.00

01:14:10.000 We were animals.

01:14:12.000 If you grew up, and your parents grew up in the 1940s and 50s, you were an animal.

01:14:18.000 They were animals, because they were raised by people who grew up in the Depression.

01:14:23.000 And those people were animals, and their parents fought in World War I. These are barbarians. 0.97

01:14:30.000 And so it's like so many generations of softness have led us to where we are now. 1.00

01:14:35.000 But if you, you know, if you're our parents, you're exposed to all that shit. 0.99

01:14:41.000 Well, my dad, his dad took off and his mom went into like a mental institution because of it. 0.99

01:14:46.000 So he got raised by his grandparents.

01:14:48.000 So that's like a generation back.

01:14:50.000 Oh God. 0.98

01:14:51.000 And so when my mom and dad would discipline me, I was like, why are you doing this and you're fucking doing, you're terrifying me. 0.99

01:14:57.000 Oh boy. 0.99

01:14:58.000 Yeah.

01:14:58.000 It was interesting.

01:14:59.000 Oof.

01:15:00.000 Jesus Christ.

01:15:01.000 That's a lot.

01:15:03.000 That's a lot to manage. 1.00

01:15:04.000 Imagine being the grandparents like, fuck. 1.00

01:15:06.000 I know. 1.00

01:15:07.000 We thought we were done.

01:15:08.000 We thought we were done.

01:15:09.000 Exactly.

01:15:09.000 Guy wanted to go play golf.

01:15:12.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:15:13.000 Now I gotta take care of another kid. 1.00

01:15:15.000 And this one's mad.

01:15:17.000 Yeah.

01:15:17.000 Because they got abandoned.

01:15:19.000 They have all these issues now.

01:15:20.000 They're confused.

01:15:21.000 I gave my dad a lot of leeway.

01:15:23.000 A lot.

01:15:24.000 Just because of that.

01:15:25.000 He stole my identity when I was in high school and ruined my credit.

01:15:28.000 No!

01:15:28.000 Yeah.

01:15:29.000 And I was like, I got raised by his fucking grandparents. 1.00

01:15:32.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:15:32.000 Oh, no. 1.00

01:15:33.000 Yeah. 0.94

01:15:34.000 Imagine dad being just like a straight up criminal.

01:15:37.000 You're like, dad.

01:15:38.000 Oh, I don't have to imagine.

01:15:40.000 My dad stole a car.

01:15:41.000 Straight up criminal?

01:15:42.000 Oh, God, yeah.

01:15:42.000 Wow.

01:15:43.000 Absolutely.

01:15:43.000 He helped me.

01:15:44.000 He had me help him steal a car.

01:15:46.000 I guess he has to maybe stole your identity.

01:15:47.000 What am I thinking?

01:15:48.000 He's only going to do it once?

01:15:49.000 Only to his kid?

01:15:50.000 Yeah.

01:15:50.000 I got a rental car once because my car was in the shop.

01:15:53.000 He took the keys, made a copy of the keys, and then when I brought that rental car back, had me drive him there, and I didn't know it, he stole the car and then drove to Las Vegas because the cops were looking for him for writing bad checks. 1.00

01:16:08.000 I mean, what the fuck, man? 1.00

01:16:10.000 Holy shit, dude. 1.00

01:16:11.000 How do you not become a comedian? 1.00

01:16:13.000 Yeah, I know.

01:16:13.000 Totally makes sense.

01:16:14.000 You can't be ticking away at an office job. 1.00

01:16:17.000 Yeah, just typing like, rat motherfucker. 1.00

01:16:19.000 You will go crazy. 1.00

01:16:20.000 Yeah.

01:16:21.000 Yeah, you'll barely keep it together.

01:16:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:16:23.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:16:25.000 Yeah, pretty wild. 1.00

01:16:26.000 I called, when I went to college, I called to get a phone line, and they were like, I don't think so.

01:16:31.000 Wow.

01:16:31.000 You owe us thousands of dollars.

01:16:33.000 Because he had stolen your identity?

01:16:34.000 Oh my god.

01:16:35.000 Did you try to explain it to them?

01:16:37.000 My mom had to write a letter to everybody that said that I lived with her the whole time.

01:16:41.000 Wow.

01:16:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:16:43.000 Holy shit, dude. 1.00

01:16:44.000 You couldn't get a phone line. 1.00

01:16:48.000 Listen, he fucking stole another identity. 0.99

01:16:50.000 It was a kid that he graduated high school with who died in a motorcycle accident. 0.99

01:16:56.000 Oh my god.

01:16:56.000 My dad called his parents and said, hey, you guys have some benefits coming.

01:17:00.000 I just need his social security number.

01:17:02.000 Oh my god.

01:17:03.000 And then became that dude.

01:17:05.000 And then signed up Columbia Record Club.

01:17:07.000 Get all of Jimi Hendrix's greatest hits.

01:17:13.000 Yeah, it was wild living with him. 1.00

01:17:15.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:17:15.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:17:19.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:17:21.000 Wow. 1.00

01:17:23.000 When you were in high school, what did you think you were going to be?

01:17:28.000 I don't know, maybe a teacher or a lawyer or something.

01:17:30.000 And when did the comedy bug get you?

01:17:32.000 Way early.

01:17:33.000 I mean, I wanted to do comedy forever.

01:17:35.000 I just lived in a town where there wasn't comedy.

01:17:37.000 Oh, so it was like a thing in the back of your head?

01:17:39.000 Yeah.

01:17:40.000 I mean, way, way back in the day, I watched my grandpa listen to records and just start laughing.

01:17:45.000 And I'm like, oh, I want to do that.

01:17:47.000 Wow.

01:17:49.000 Yeah, I remember my first exposure to comedy was probably, the actual stand-up comedy was probably Bill Cosby, or Bill Cosby record.

01:17:58.000 Because my parents had a Bill Cosby record, and they had Cheech and Chong, and I think they might have had a George Carlin one too, because everyone had records back then, because there was nothing on TV, and so you'd sit around and you'd listen to records.

01:18:11.000 You know, so we listened to Cheech and Chong when I was a little kid.

01:18:15.000 I was probably like eight or nine or something like that.

01:18:17.000 I was like, this is so funny.

01:18:19.000 And then when I was in high school, I got a hold of some Richard Pryor cassettes.

01:18:24.000 And me and my girlfriend were in my bedroom just howling, laughing at Richard Pryor.

01:18:28.000 Like, this is so crazy.

01:18:30.000 What he's saying is so crazy.

01:18:32.000 Because this is like, at the time, we're talking, I was in high school in 81, so this was probably like 83, something like that.

01:18:39.000 And so, in 1983, Richard Pryor was the king.

01:18:44.000 This was like when he was doing Live at the Sunset Strip.

01:18:48.000 Oh, wow.

01:18:48.000 My parents took me to see that.

01:18:50.000 I think I was 15 years old.

01:18:53.000 And we were in the movie theater, and I'll never forget this, because this is the first time I'd ever experienced anything like this.

01:18:58.000 I'd never seen someone do stand-up comedy for a long time.

01:19:02.000 I had only seen, like, a guy do some jokes on The Tonight Show.

01:19:06.000 You know, like a real, like, cut-and-dry, set-up punchline, five-minute, all right, that was terrific, come sit on the couch.

01:19:13.000 And the comic would sit there, and I would tell you about the zoo.

01:19:16.000 You know, and so that was my exposure to comedy.

01:19:18.000 But in the theater, I remember, I'll never forget this, sitting in the theater, watching Live on the Sunset Trip, and looking at the audience, and people were moving around.

01:19:28.000 I remember this guy was holding his stomach, and he was slapping the chair, and his wife was slapping him.

01:19:34.000 They were just going, oh my god!

01:19:36.000 Oh my god!

01:19:37.000 It was so funny, and I remember thinking, I've never seen anything this funny.

01:19:41.000 Like, all the funny movies that I love, they were never this funny.

01:19:45.000 No.

01:19:45.000 All this guy's doing is talking.

01:19:46.000 And to get humans to react like that?

01:19:48.000 It was crazy.

01:19:49.000 It was so wild.

01:19:50.000 It was like, all he's doing is talking.

01:19:51.000 How is he doing this?

01:19:53.000 Yeah.

01:19:53.000 I remember the first comedy I ever saw was this guy Wild Bill Bauer out of Minnesota.

01:19:58.000 And I'll never forget this joke.

01:19:59.000 He goes, I called my boss the other day and I told him I can't come in because I'm sick.

01:20:04.000 And he says, how sick are you? 0.99

01:20:05.000 And I said, well, I'm fucking my sister. 1.00

01:20:08.000 And I still laugh about it. 1.00

01:20:10.000 I mean, it's like the funniest shit in the world. 0.99

01:20:12.000 That's a great joke. 0.99

01:20:13.000 It's such a great joke.

01:20:14.000 That's a great joke.

01:20:15.000 And that was my introduction.

01:20:16.000 So people, same thing.

01:20:17.000 People are freaking out.

01:20:18.000 Oh, it was great.

01:20:18.000 Couldn't that guy string a bunch together?

01:20:20.000 Yeah.

01:20:20.000 How good was he?

01:20:21.000 Yeah, he was real good.

01:20:22.000 If you can write a joke like that, unless you're a one-hit wonder.

01:20:26.000 No, he wasn't.

01:20:27.000 That seems like a crazy hit, to be that good of a joke, to be a one-hit wonder.

01:20:31.000 So that guy's got a bunch of them.

01:20:33.000 Some of those guys that are real good like that, for whatever reason, people never find out about them.

01:20:38.000 No, he just stayed in Minnesota.

01:20:39.000 He ended up booking tours for other guys and stuff like that.

01:20:43.000 There was a guy named Bob Woods who was a legend on Long Island.

01:20:46.000 He was this big guy.

01:20:48.000 This big, like, jolly guy.

01:20:50.000 And he was hilarious.

01:20:52.000 And he was a legend in Long Island.

01:20:54.000 And to this day, I'm upset that I never got a chance to see him live.

01:20:57.000 Because all the comics from that day, they always tell me, Bob Woods, Bob Woods.

01:21:02.000 This is like the early 80s.

01:21:03.000 So I think when I came along, I don't think I got to New York until 90. 90 or 91. And I think he'd already stopped.

01:21:11.000 This is Bob Woods.

01:21:12.000 He was a character, man.

01:21:14.000 Give me some volume.

01:21:16.000 Let me introduce myself.

01:21:18.000 Here I am, Mr. Cholesterol.

01:21:21.000 The Incredible Bulk.

01:21:23.000 Hungry Jack.

01:21:25.000 A man called Horse.

01:21:27.000 Sir Lunch-A-Lot. 0.98

01:21:30.000 Chef Boy, are you fat?

01:21:33.000 Pizza on Earth, goodwill towards manicotti, rebel without a waistline, strawberry fields for breakfast, Lord of the Ringdings, the Earl of Sandwich, the Prince of Wales,

01:21:49.000 and the Little House on the Prairie all rolled into one.

01:21:54.000 What can I tell you, folks?

01:21:59.000 What can I tell you? 1.00

01:22:00.000 I'm a fat fucking guy! 1.00

01:22:04.000 Boom, boom, bring some food to my room so we can eat it all night, keep the Brioche in sight. 1.00

01:22:11.000 And I woke up this morning, I got myself a ham hock!

01:22:18.000 Let me clear some things up for you right away.

01:22:22.000 Yeah, because I hope it's going to get better.

01:22:24.000 No, I wasn't the Rip Taylor balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

01:22:31.000 No, I'm not one of the Moondogs from WrestleMania.

01:22:35.000 No, I'm not Dusty Rhodes.

01:22:37.000 No, I'm not going to pay a lot for that muffler.

01:22:42.000 No, I'm not Boog Powell as a Rastafarian.

01:22:46.000 No, I wasn't making a list and checking it twice last December.

01:22:51.000 No, I haven't buttoned this jacket since I bought it.

01:23:03.000 No, I'm not baby-heeled Star Trek episode.

01:23:07.000 No, I'm not Tip O'Neil as the Michelin Man.

01:23:10.000 No, I'm not Norm from Cheers if it was set in California. 0.99

01:23:16.000 No, it's not a fucking wig, okay? 0.98

01:23:19.000 This is my real hair. 0.99

01:23:21.000 Really?

01:23:22.000 It's all on the shampoo.

01:23:24.000 Some people shampoo with prel.

01:23:26.000 Some people use head and shoulders.

01:23:28.000 I just get out the dippity-doo and the mop and glow.

01:23:33.000 But look, I read minds, alright? 1.00

01:23:36.000 Call me Kreskin for this shit. 1.00

01:23:39.000 I'm getting a reading for this girl. 1.00

01:23:44.000 She's thinking if I fall, she's fucking dead. 1.00

01:23:48.000 Lot of fat jokes. 1.00

01:23:49.000 He's better than this.

01:23:51.000 This is like some things he did on TV. This is like him recording a set for television.

01:23:57.000 It looks like...

01:23:58.000 Was it 88?

01:24:01.000 Yeah.

01:24:03.000 That wasn't the best set.

01:24:05.000 He had an insane Jackie Gleason impression.

01:24:07.000 Insane.

01:24:09.000 And I think, you know, he inspired a lot of comedians.

01:24:13.000 A lot of comedians in Long Island.

01:24:15.000 That just wasn't the best set of his. 0.99

01:24:17.000 Yeah, but I mean, guy's a writer, holy shit. 0.99

01:24:20.000 Oh, you bang him out, man. 0.99

01:24:21.000 But again, it's like, the world was different then.

01:24:23.000 You gotta also think, stand-up comedy, let's just put it to perspective.

01:24:28.000 1988 was 36 years ago.

01:24:32.000 36 years before that, there was no stand-up comedy.

01:24:35.000 Wow.

01:24:36.000 Yeah.

01:24:37.000 So you have to think about it, right?

01:24:39.000 So if you went back to 19, you know, 1950?

01:24:44.000 Let's go to 50. What the fuck is there? 0.99

01:24:46.000 What's the stand-up comedy? 1.00

01:24:48.000 It's nonsense. 0.98

01:24:49.000 It's guys and the cat skills that are telling two Jews walking to a bar jokes. 0.98

01:24:53.000 It's not real comedy.

01:24:54.000 And then Lenny Bruce comes along in the 60s, and then everything changes.

01:24:59.000 Then you get Mort Sahl.

01:25:00.000 You get...

01:25:01.000 Joan Rivers?

01:25:02.000 Yeah, eventually.

01:25:03.000 They come later.

01:25:04.000 Okay.

01:25:05.000 They all come later, and Carlin comes later, and Prior comes later.

01:25:09.000 They're all inspired by Lenny Bruce.

01:25:11.000 Lenny Bruce is really like the germ.

01:25:13.000 He was really like the center of it all.

01:25:15.000 Like, from him, all things come.

01:25:17.000 Like, that guy's the real godfather of comedy.

01:25:19.000 The kind of comedy that we do, where you talk about stuff.

01:25:21.000 Right.

01:25:22.000 Like, everybody was just telling jokes back then.

01:25:25.000 They were just being jokey joke guy.

01:25:27.000 And then, you know, there's Don Rickles, who's like the insult guys, insulting people.

01:25:32.000 That was always very funny.

01:25:33.000 But nobody was doing, like, social commentary.

01:25:35.000 Nobody was, like, making funny points about things that go on in society until Lenny came around.

01:25:40.000 Yeah.

01:25:41.000 Working against the machine a little bit.

01:25:42.000 Getting arrested left and right, dude.

01:25:45.000 That's pretty sweet.

01:25:45.000 Pretty wild.

01:25:47.000 You really think about it?

01:25:48.000 In my office, I have a photograph of him getting arrested.

01:25:51.000 I mean, I don't think you can get arrested for comedy anymore, right?

01:25:54.000 Oh, you definitely could try.

01:25:56.000 You can in Canada.

01:25:57.000 Challenge accepted.

01:25:58.000 In Canada, you can get sued.

01:25:59.000 I had a guy on the podcast that got sued and lost.

01:26:03.000 He got fined because there was a few different things.

01:26:07.000 This guy had made a joke about a kid who was...

01:26:13.000 Mike Ward, thank you.

01:26:15.000 He had made a joke about a kid that they had done some benefit for, a really sick kid, and the kid was still alive a few years later.

01:26:23.000 You know, some kind of a joke about, like, can I get my money back?

01:26:27.000 Like, is this kid really sick?

01:26:28.000 Like, something along those lines. 0.99

01:26:29.000 I might have fucked it up. 0.93

01:26:30.000 I think I butchered it. 0.94

01:26:31.000 But anyway, the point is, it was just a joke, and they sued him, and they won.

01:26:35.000 Like, he got charged, and he lost.

01:26:37.000 Who sued him?

01:26:39.000 The parents?

01:26:39.000 I think they fined him.

01:26:41.000 I think it was one of those things where, see, let's find out what the specifics of it are. 0.75

01:26:46.000 Because there was another one in, I believe, Vancouver, where a comedian was getting heckled by these lesbians. 1.00

01:26:53.000 And then he starts making fun of them for being lesbians, saying a bunch of really rude things.

01:26:57.000 And that guy got fined, too. 0.78

01:26:59.000 Like a large number.

01:27:01.000 Interesting.

01:27:02.000 Yeah.

01:27:03.000 Canada does not have freedom of speech.

01:27:05.000 It's not the same as the United States. 0.89

01:27:07.000 It doesn't have a First Amendment.

01:27:08.000 They have hate crime laws.

01:27:10.000 So they have weird stuff.

01:27:11.000 This is why Jordan Peterson, way back in 2016, was telling them, you cannot have compelled speech laws.

01:27:21.000 Canadian who mocked disabled child singer did not breach limits of free speech.

01:27:27.000 That's not Mike Ward though.

01:27:29.000 Case pitted Quebec comedian Mike Ward against former child singer. 0.71

01:27:32.000 Oh, that must be the child singer that's sick.

01:27:36.000 Did not breach limits of free speech.

01:27:39.000 So it went to the Supreme Court.

01:27:40.000 So this is 2021. When did we have him on?

01:27:42.000 It was definitely way before that because it wasn't in Texas.

01:27:46.000 So he must have finally won.

01:27:49.000 Under the 5-4 split decision.

01:27:51.000 Wow. 1.00

01:27:53.000 Four people said fuck him. 1.00

01:27:54.000 Fuck your joke. 1.00

01:27:56.000 The top court ruled Friday while comedian Mike Ward's act ridiculed Jeremy Gabriel, a young man with Treacher Collins Syndrome. 1.00

01:28:04.000 He was chosen as a target not because of his disability, but because of his fame, which is true.

01:28:19.000 See folks, this is what happens when you try to be too nice.

01:28:22.000 You can't be too nice.

01:28:24.000 You can't go that far.

01:28:25.000 You gotta let people say things that are offensive.

01:28:28.000 If you don't, then the only way to enforce that is totalitarianism.

01:28:32.000 You start locking people in jail.

01:28:33.000 I know you want people to be a better person.

01:28:35.000 They should be encouraged to be better people, but you can't do that.

01:28:38.000 You can't fucking force people to say things or not say things.

01:28:41.000 I think it came on after this happened in 2016. Right. 0.98

01:28:45.000 35,000?

01:28:46.000 Yeah, he's ordered to pay 35,000 in moral and punitive damages.

01:28:50.000 But that's not as much as the guy in Vancouver.

01:28:53.000 The guy in Vancouver, I think, if memory serves me, I think it was a lot more money.

01:28:59.000 The guy in Vancouver, there was two lesbians heckling him at a show. 0.97

01:29:06.000 Okay, I might have thought it was $225,000 or something. 1.00

01:29:10.000 Either way, fuck you. 1.00

01:29:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:29:12.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:29:13.000 I was in Calgary one time. 1.00

01:29:14.000 I was talking about the queen.

01:29:16.000 Oh. 1.00

01:29:17.000 And then the emcee came up and he goes, ah, fuck these Americans. 1.00

01:29:20.000 They come here. 1.00

01:29:21.000 They think we have a queen.

01:29:22.000 Learn about the country you're coming to. 1.00

01:29:23.000 And I was like, oh, shit. 1.00

01:29:24.000 I thought you had a queen. 1.00

01:29:25.000 So I went to the public library.

01:29:26.000 Did all this research and there is a queen because there was a treaty and so she acts as the queen.

01:29:33.000 So the next day I went up and he came up to bring me off stage and I go, hey man, just stay here for a sec.

01:29:38.000 And I read the treaty and I go, just so you know, I'm an American, but you do have a queen.

01:29:44.000 And then I took a $20 bill out and licked it and stuck it to his forehead. 1.00

01:29:48.000 And I go, she's on your fucking money, man. 1.00

01:29:50.000 I just like, what a dick. 1.00

01:29:53.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

01:29:53.000 Well, some comedians are dicks. 1.00

01:29:55.000 And no lawsuit. 0.99

01:29:57.000 That's awesome.

01:29:58.000 Yeah.

01:29:59.000 Well, you were right.

01:30:00.000 How are they going to sue you for being right? 1.00

01:30:01.000 Fucking idiots. 1.00

01:30:03.000 But it's like that thing of like you try to set up society where you prevent people from being mean. 1.00

01:30:12.000 But the problem is people are going to be mean.

01:30:14.000 And the only way to prevent people from being mean is to really ostracize people who are mean and then have everybody else learn from that and like learn from the way you talk about these people that are mean.

01:30:25.000 And then we all kind of grow together.

01:30:27.000 You can't have laws that enforce your opinion of what someone can or cannot be allowed to say, because then you never get that guy's joke. 0.99

01:30:36.000 Your friend, sick, because I'm fucking my sister. 0.99

01:30:39.000 You don't get that. 1.00

01:30:40.000 You don't get that joke, because that's illegal.

01:30:42.000 So, like, then you don't get funsies, because that's just funsies. 0.98

01:30:46.000 He didn't really fuck anybody. 0.98

01:30:47.000 It's a joke. 0.99

01:30:48.000 You know, Bob Marley didn't shoot any sheriffs.

01:30:50.000 It's just fun.

01:30:52.000 It's a fun thing to say.

01:30:53.000 Yeah.

01:30:54.000 When I was in seventh grade, if you talked in the history class, they made you take a pacifier and sit there like you were a baby.

01:31:01.000 Oh, that's hilarious. 0.94

01:31:02.000 Because they were like, I told you to shut up, now you have to suck on this pacifier. 1.00

01:31:05.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:31:05.000 And there's no fucking way you'd be able to do that now. 1.00

01:31:07.000 But guess what? 0.99

01:31:08.000 Everybody shut up that had the pacifier. 1.00

01:31:10.000 I got paddled. 0.78

01:31:11.000 I got paddled in Florida.

01:31:13.000 I got in a fight with this kid, Preston Banks.

01:31:15.000 Me and this kid, we got in a scrap.

01:31:17.000 And we both got brought to the principal's office and we got paddled. 1.00

01:31:21.000 Well, they whacked me in the ass with a fucking cricket racket. 1.00

01:31:25.000 They had this fucking thing. 1.00

01:31:27.000 They slap you one shot in the ass, and then they send you home. 1.00

01:31:30.000 You're like, whoa, I got hit. 1.00

01:31:32.000 You can't do that today.

01:31:34.000 Oh, there's no chance.

01:31:35.000 By the way, we never fought again, and we became friends after that.

01:31:37.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:31:38.000 It's like these kids now can take a chair from the back of the room, throw it at the teacher when he's not looking, and that teacher just has to sit there and take it. 1.00

01:31:46.000 Well, yeah, especially when you get into high school things get very very dangerous very very very dangerous because people are starting to get strong and They're aggressive and these men these young men have testosterone for the first time in their life So all of a sudden you're 13 and then boom the factory opens Yahoo and you start growing you got a mustache now now you're 14 and 15 and then you get this fucking loser teacher and This teacher's talking shit, 1.00

01:32:11.000 and you want to fuck this teacher up. 0.99

01:32:13.000 And you know if you do, you'd be a hero for the rest of the class. 1.00

01:32:15.000 You'd be a legend for all your boys. 1.00

01:32:17.000 If this teacher's talking shit, you just grab his tie and box him in the face. 1.00

01:32:21.000 Guys hit teachers. 1.00

01:32:22.000 There's so many videos of people.

01:32:24.000 Oh, all the time.

01:32:24.000 So many online videos of poor teachers getting beaten up by their students.

01:32:28.000 And it's always the guys that fucked first. 0.99

01:32:30.000 That would take the lead on that. 0.99

01:32:32.000 I always felt it was those guys. 0.50

01:32:34.000 The rest of us waiting to have sex, we were just sitting in our chairs.

01:32:37.000 You're not ready to fight. 0.98

01:32:38.000 Especially the teacher.

01:32:40.000 Or women that beat the teachers up. 1.00

01:32:42.000 Those are horrible. 0.98

01:32:43.000 Horrible.

01:32:44.000 Because those are slow beatings.

01:32:46.000 Not much gets done.

01:32:48.000 It's like a lot of hair pulling.

01:32:50.000 It's like watching a tall guy fall.

01:32:51.000 Shitty punches to the face.

01:32:53.000 You're just trapped there. 0.93

01:32:54.000 And nobody's helping you.

01:32:55.000 And everyone's screaming and cheering.

01:32:57.000 That's great.

01:32:59.000 They're all filming it.

01:33:00.000 And then we wonder, why does nobody want to be a teacher? 0.97

01:33:02.000 Why does the education system sucks? 0.97

01:33:04.000 Why? 0.99

01:33:05.000 Why, why, why? 1.00

01:33:05.000 Well, because you fucking... 1.00

01:33:07.000 The whole thing sucks. 1.00

01:33:08.000 Like, you can't even... 0.99

01:33:09.000 You couldn't even just fix the schools.

01:33:12.000 You gotta start from a foundational level in the bad neighborhoods.

01:33:15.000 Like, you have to, like, somehow or another help people get the fuck out of this place of total, complete despair.

01:33:21.000 And the fact that these places of total, complete despair have existed in the same location for decade after decade after decade.

01:33:28.000 And you want these kids to do better?

01:33:30.000 Like, how?

01:33:31.000 How?

01:33:31.000 All they've done is see it repeated over and over and over.

01:33:34.000 Think about your dad.

01:33:35.000 Like, how did that happen?

01:33:36.000 That didn't happen.

01:33:36.000 I choose not to think about my dad, Joe.

01:33:38.000 Thank you.

01:33:39.000 But if you were your dad's dad, that would have never happened.

01:33:42.000 You know?

01:33:43.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:33:44.000 Like, you know, we have the good fortune of understanding the mistakes of those who came before us.

01:33:52.000 And even, like, I mean, even thinking about, we can't even put our mind in what it must be like to be a kid that grows up in the south side of Chicago in 2024 where you're seeing people shot every weekend.

01:34:09.000 You can't put yourself into that.

01:34:11.000 So to expect that child to come out of that environment and then go to Yale and be fine with everything.

01:34:18.000 Be fine when he's heard bullets.

01:34:20.000 Whizzed by his head.

01:34:21.000 He's seen his friends get shot in the street.

01:34:23.000 He's seen drive-bys.

01:34:24.000 He's seen all that.

01:34:25.000 He's seen drug dealers rapping in the streets holding guns and smoking weed in front of everybody and street takeovers.

01:34:32.000 Have you seen that from the time you were a child?

01:34:34.000 How?

01:34:35.000 How are you going to escape that?

01:34:36.000 Right, because even if you do escape it, sometimes some part of you misses it and thinks now you're not being normal.

01:34:42.000 Right.

01:34:42.000 It's like when guys come back from the Middle East, and they're like, I want to go back there.

01:34:46.000 It's like, why the fuck would you want to go back there? 0.97

01:34:48.000 But it's because that's their new normal. 0.99

01:34:49.000 That's what they miss it.

01:34:50.000 It's not just that.

01:34:51.000 It's also alive.

01:34:53.000 It's alive.

01:34:54.000 Like, if you're gangbanging like that, you're alive.

01:34:57.000 There's a lot going on.

01:34:59.000 Sure.

01:34:59.000 You know, you go from that to working in and out.

01:35:01.000 Yeah.

01:35:01.000 You're like, what is this?

01:35:02.000 I'd rather be in jail.

01:35:04.000 You know? 0.98

01:35:04.000 Guys would rather get shot. 0.98

01:35:05.000 They really would. 0.99

01:35:06.000 In some places and some people.

01:35:09.000 They would rather be living the life.

01:35:10.000 Because at least that life, there's...

01:35:12.000 One of the things that comes out of gangs and bad neighborhoods is a brotherhood and a camaraderie that doesn't exist in their home.

01:35:20.000 So they don't have any real love in the home, but the love they have with the people that they would literally kill people for.

01:35:27.000 And they're all together, and they're making money together, and they're partying together.

01:35:30.000 They're having a good time together, driving cars together.

01:35:33.000 This is way better than whatever they grew up with. 1.00

01:35:36.000 It's like Band of Brothers shit. 1.00

01:35:37.000 Yeah, it's exciting. 1.00

01:35:38.000 They're literally in a war.

01:35:40.000 But they're in a war in an American city, which is crazy.

01:35:45.000 But if you look at the death toll of people killed...

01:35:50.000 In Afghanistan during the height of the war, it's comparable to the people killed in South Side of Chicago.

01:35:56.000 I would imagine the people in the South Side of Chicago, more people get killed.

01:36:00.000 I think what happens in war, of course, is, depending upon the war, of course, but sometimes there's large amounts of debt, like in Gaza, if you can call it a war.

01:36:09.000 Like, there's large amounts of deaths, and large amounts in one day, right?

01:36:13.000 Which, in gang violence, you get it over the weekend.

01:36:16.000 You know, this guy got shot, that guy got shot, it's cumulative.

01:36:19.000 But I bet it's close.

01:36:21.000 And I believe it's higher.

01:36:23.000 I believe the death toll for the South Side of Chicago is as high or higher than Afghanistan at the height of the war.

01:36:30.000 That's wild.

01:36:31.000 Wild.

01:36:32.000 And then if somebody dies in Mexico, there's a tourism alert.

01:36:35.000 Oh, yeah.

01:36:36.000 Where you're not supposed to go.

01:36:37.000 Well, it's the way they die in Mexico. 0.97

01:36:43.000 The old Sicilian necktie.

01:36:44.000 I've seen some videos.

01:36:46.000 There was a dude who used to be a doorman at the improv, and one day I was just walking in the club like, what's up?

01:36:54.000 He goes, you want to see this cartel video?

01:36:56.000 And I go, what is it? 1.00

01:36:57.000 And it was a dude who was tied up, tied up in his arms and his legs in all positions, and a pit bull was eating his dick. 0.99

01:37:05.000 I was like, yo, I do not need to see this before I go on stage. 0.99

01:37:09.000 Like, this is horrific. 1.00

01:37:10.000 This huge pit bull was just clamped down this guy's dick, and he's just writhing back and forth in agony while this dog eats him alive. 1.00

01:37:19.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:37:20.000 Great peanut butter commercial.

01:37:22.000 I don't think they use peanut butter.

01:37:23.000 I don't think they have to.

01:37:24.000 These dogs are literally trained to eat people. 0.99

01:37:26.000 Which is fucking terrifying. 0.99

01:37:29.000 Is there a place that shows statistics about gang violence? 0.99

01:37:33.000 I need to know more about what deaths are you talking about in Afghanistan?

01:37:37.000 Okay, let's say this.

01:37:38.000 Because it's like everyone is a lot.

01:37:40.000 They way outnumber the Chicago deaths.

01:37:44.000 The weekends are all total?

01:37:46.000 2023, there was 621 deaths in Chicago.

01:37:49.000 Mm-hmm.

01:37:51.000 And 2021, I see for Afghanistan, 5,200 civilians were killed.

01:37:57.000 But is that when we pulled out?

01:37:59.000 Yeah, that's different.

01:38:02.000 8,800 were killed the year before, 8,600 the year before that.

01:38:05.000 Oh, okay.

01:38:06.000 So it's always more.

01:38:07.000 It's always more for Afghanistan. 1.00

01:38:09.000 The year we pulled out was horrific.

01:38:10.000 Soldiers, though, if you just do Western soldiers, it's a very similar number.

01:38:15.000 I think that's what it was.

01:38:16.000 That's not civilians.

01:38:17.000 Okay, so it's people in Afghanistan that are killed.

01:38:22.000 All told.

01:38:22.000 So Western soldiers, it's comparable.

01:38:24.000 That must be what I read.

01:38:25.000 But still, even thinking about an American city, not even an American city, the south side of an American city.

01:38:31.000 A major metropolitan city. 1.00

01:38:33.000 Versus a fucking war-torn country. 1.00

01:38:35.000 Right. 1.00

01:38:35.000 It's a country that, I mean, it's a city, rather, that Frank Sinatra wrote a song about. 1.00

01:38:40.000 It was his kind of town.

01:38:43.000 Right?

01:38:44.000 Right.

01:38:45.000 My kind of town, Chicago.

01:38:48.000 Have you heard AI convert Frank Sinatra into Eminem?

01:38:54.000 So Frank Sinatra is singing Lose Yourself.

01:38:57.000 Oh my god.

01:38:58.000 It's perfect.

01:38:59.000 Does it sound amazing?

01:39:00.000 It's amazing.

01:39:01.000 Yeah.

01:39:01.000 It's amazing.

01:39:02.000 Have you heard it, Jamie?

01:39:03.000 Yeah.

01:39:04.000 You don't think it's amazing?

01:39:04.000 Look at his face.

01:39:05.000 Look at his face.

01:39:06.000 I'm super cynical on all the AI stuff.

01:39:07.000 Look at his face.

01:39:07.000 Yeah, he rolled his eyes.

01:39:09.000 It sounds cool, but when would you ever want to...

01:39:11.000 Are you going to choose to listen to that any day?

01:39:13.000 I was doing a loop in my house all day long today.

01:39:16.000 It's a cool experiment often, but it's never really good.

01:39:21.000 No, you're right.

01:39:22.000 It's interesting, though.

01:39:23.000 To me, it's fascinating how competent it is.

01:39:27.000 Here it is.

01:39:28.000 Listen.

01:39:28.000 Look at how good this is.

01:39:29.000 I hope this is the right one.

01:39:32.000 This is actually not what we thought that was.

01:39:35.000 What do you mean?

01:39:35.000 That was a cover by someone singing.

01:39:39.000 Who is that?

01:39:40.000 It says the guy's name right here.

01:39:42.000 Oh, it's not AI? No, that was like a lounge singer, yeah.

01:39:44.000 Oh, he's great.

01:39:45.000 Keep him going.

01:39:46.000 Who is this guy?

01:39:47.000 Is it that guy that covers all of the songs?

01:39:49.000 Well, so that's Richard Cheese.

01:39:51.000 Yeah, that's who I was thinking.

01:39:52.000 Do we have a problem here with like sound stuff? 0.99

01:39:54.000 YouTube shit? 0.99

01:39:55.000 Is that what this is? 1.00

01:39:56.000 We can't play that?

01:39:58.000 That?

01:39:59.000 I don't know if anyone's got the rights to that.

01:40:01.000 Well, let's cut that out just so we don't get in trouble and just say who the guy is.

01:40:05.000 We'll cut that out.

01:40:05.000 We'll edit that out so we don't get in trouble.

01:40:07.000 Who's the guy?

01:40:07.000 I don't know that we would.

01:40:08.000 I don't even know the rules. 1.00

01:40:11.000 They always fuck us, man. 1.00

01:40:13.000 They fuck us. 1.00

01:40:14.000 From playing a song and they come after you? 1.00

01:40:16.000 Oh, yeah.

01:40:16.000 Ben Dunhill.

01:40:17.000 What is his name?

01:40:18.000 Ben Dunhill.

01:40:19.000 Ben Dunhill. 0.99

01:40:20.000 Damn, that's good. 0.99

01:40:21.000 Yeah, it was really good. 0.99

01:40:22.000 So I saw a YouTube reel or an Instagram reel.

01:40:25.000 So there is, but as I said, I just chose the wrong one is all.

01:40:28.000 When I clicked.

01:40:29.000 Oh! 0.60

01:40:30.000 Well, that one was really good.

01:40:32.000 Okay, this is the thing that I saw.

01:40:34.000 That's the same thing.

01:40:35.000 Same guy.

01:40:36.000 That's the cover.

01:40:37.000 Okay, so it's not.

01:40:38.000 They got tricked. 1.00

01:40:39.000 Damn, Ben. 1.00

01:40:40.000 You're so good. 1.00

01:40:42.000 Let me hear this.

01:40:43.000 So what Chad brought up, though, is this guy from, like, early Napster days, Richard Cheese in the Lounge Against the Machine.

01:40:49.000 That guy rules.

01:40:50.000 Yeah, I remember that guy.

01:40:51.000 And he was doing these lounge versions of, like, Rage Against the Machine.

01:40:54.000 Right, right, right.

01:40:55.000 Prodigy and all sorts of funny things.

01:40:56.000 The thing about that guy is, though, he sounded exactly like Sinatra.

01:41:01.000 Yeah, this Ben Dunhill guy.

01:41:02.000 I mean, that sounded like an AI Sinatra.

01:41:05.000 That's why it tricked that guy on the video that I saw.

01:41:09.000 Wow, how good is that dude?

01:41:10.000 Thank you for catching that.

01:41:11.000 There's a lot of people online that are willing to repost anything and just say, this is what this is.

01:41:16.000 They get so much money for engagement farming, is what it's called.

01:41:19.000 Yeah, I was reading something about that.

01:41:21.000 I was reading something about, someone was talking about how they make money on Instagram.

01:41:27.000 And they're making thousands of dollars a month on Instagram with engagement.

01:41:31.000 And that's why they post so much.

01:41:32.000 Someone said, why do you post so much?

01:41:34.000 He's like, I make money.

01:41:35.000 This is like a business for me.

01:41:37.000 And I'm like, what?

01:41:39.000 How much money can you make on Instagram?

01:41:42.000 Also, if you'd be doing TikTok and YouTube too, you'd be making thousands of dollars for about an hour of work a day.

01:41:48.000 Yeah, why would you rather regular work? 0.99

01:41:50.000 Yeah, no shit. 0.95

01:41:51.000 I have people that will go through one of my albums, and then they'll actually make it into a sketch where they play all of the parts, me, my children, whatever it is that I'm talking about. 0.99

01:42:01.000 And then they put that out and tag me in it, and it's like, I don't know, they make money off of it.

01:42:06.000 That's wild.

01:42:08.000 And then I try to post something and they say there's a copyright infringement. 0.99

01:42:11.000 It's like, that's fucking mine. 0.99

01:42:14.000 Yeah, the legalese shit, it all gets real weird. 1.00

01:42:18.000 It's just like, I get it. 0.98

01:42:21.000 But there's a lot of people making money off of other people's stuff, too.

01:42:24.000 So I get that, why that would piss you off, that someone's taking your stuff.

01:42:27.000 I saw a discussion today, I think Marquez Brownlee was bringing it up, that...

01:42:32.000 We're good to go.

01:42:53.000 Well, there's so many blog posts that are clearly either made by AI or by foreign people that don't totally understand English because the way they phrase things is goofy and they do like celebrity news. 0.91

01:43:03.000 Like sometimes you get suckered into clicking on a link, like you read like a legitimate story and then underneath it is a sponsored link.

01:43:09.000 Why is John Travolta homeless?

01:43:11.000 Like what?

01:43:12.000 John Travolta's homeless?

01:43:15.000 You got me.

01:43:16.000 You got me. 0.95

01:43:17.000 And then you get sucked in.

01:43:18.000 Like the 10 people that have aged the worst over the last 20 years.

01:43:22.000 I'll click on that every time.

01:43:23.000 What's going on here?

01:43:24.000 What is happening here?

01:43:26.000 People who lie about plastic surgery and you go and look at that.

01:43:28.000 Oh my goodness. 1.00

01:43:29.000 You're a fucking liar. 1.00

01:43:30.000 And then you get sucked in. 1.00

01:43:31.000 And it's like next, next, next, next.

01:43:33.000 So each one you click, they get a new click.

01:43:36.000 It's not all on one page.

01:43:39.000 It's in multiple pages.

01:43:40.000 There's multiple hits.

01:43:42.000 And then they're getting the ad revenue off of that.

01:43:44.000 We had a guy back in the day that went to jail because he rigged something so that every time you went to his website, if you afterwards bought something from Amazon, it would credit his account.

01:43:58.000 Like you went through his website, his website link to get Amazon.

01:44:02.000 So he'd get like a percentage?

01:44:05.000 In your computer or something.

01:44:07.000 I don't know exactly how.

01:44:08.000 I don't want to say how it went.

01:44:09.000 But this guy went to jail because he was making money that really wasn't his money.

01:44:14.000 So instead of someone saying, hey, I don't know if they still do this, but the way it used to do it, they would say, hey, if you want to support this podcast, use our Amazon link.

01:44:24.000 On our website, and we get a cutback from Amazon every time you use it.

01:44:28.000 And so they would do it as a way to support, and then it would also, it would probably facilitate some impulse purchases that maybe you would never make before.

01:44:37.000 Like you go, oh, this guy's got a great podcast.

01:44:39.000 I'm going to help him out by going to Amazon.

01:44:41.000 Oh, I can use socks.

01:44:42.000 And then you start buying things off of Amazon.

01:44:45.000 It's so easy.

01:44:47.000 And then, you know, so this guy would do that.

01:44:50.000 If you would go to that Amazon, even if you didn't buy anything, he would put a cookie in your computer.

01:44:55.000 So next time you went to Amazon. 0.99

01:44:56.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:44:57.000 He was saying, like, oh, he went through my website. 1.00

01:44:59.000 Well, they do that now with, like...

01:45:01.000 If they go to my website or they go to your videos, stuff like that, and then they can send ads out to people that have similar click patterns. 0.98

01:45:10.000 Like all that shit. 0.99

01:45:11.000 That just blows my mind. 1.00

01:45:13.000 Yeah, I was reading a thing today that was saying, don't have an Amazon Alexa in your bedroom.

01:45:18.000 Whoa.

01:45:19.000 Are we talking dirty to each other?

01:45:20.000 Amazon Alexa is listening. 0.60

01:45:22.000 You're trying to watch porn, you're just listening to your cell phone.

01:45:25.000 It's the only way it works.

01:45:26.000 It has to listen.

01:45:27.000 Do you use one of those?

01:45:28.000 No.

01:45:29.000 No.

01:45:30.000 No way.

01:45:31.000 Dude.

01:45:32.000 I always assume my phone's listening to me, too.

01:45:34.000 Always.

01:45:35.000 And now I know it is.

01:45:36.000 For sure.

01:45:37.000 At least with...

01:45:38.000 I think that's one of those things.

01:45:40.000 We don't know that when you buy that, you've already agreed to having a microphone around you all the time.

01:45:46.000 Yeah.

01:45:47.000 And you don't think about it.

01:45:48.000 You just think, oh, what a convenience.

01:45:50.000 I just ask Alexa and she'll play music for me and Alexa will turn the lights down. 0.93

01:45:54.000 Alexa will do all these things. 1.00

01:45:55.000 What a great thing to have.

01:45:56.000 Sometimes I'll just yell, Alexa, make my daughter stop talking to me. 1.00

01:45:59.000 And she's like, we have an Alexa now?

01:46:00.000 It's like, no, just please take the hint. 0.99

01:46:03.000 Well, if you talk shit to Siri, Siri gets upset. 0.99

01:46:05.000 If you get rude with Siri, Siri will go, there's no reason to talk like that. 0.99

01:46:09.000 Why are you talking to me?

01:46:10.000 Siri has like...

01:46:12.000 We're maybe a month away from that being implemented completely on your iPhone, right?

01:46:17.000 Isn't the new iPhone 18, iOS 18, doesn't that have a much more advanced Siri that'll have conversations with you?

01:46:25.000 We'll find out when we get to use it, that's for sure.

01:46:27.000 Well, you could use it right now, right?

01:46:28.000 Can't use the beta if you wanted to, if you wanted to get crazy?

01:46:30.000 I would not assume that it works perfectly, but it might.

01:46:35.000 I bet by the time they're letting people try the beta, it's probably pretty good.

01:46:38.000 I think Marcus Brownlee just released a video.

01:46:42.000 Where he was examining iOS 18, the pros and cons of it, the things that it can do.

01:46:47.000 It can make text messages with a satellite now.

01:46:51.000 So if you're in a place that has no service, you can send out a text message via satellite.

01:46:55.000 Not just an SOS, but you can send a specific text to people.

01:46:59.000 It can also make people very lonely, because you're going to be talking to this robot.

01:47:02.000 Yeah, that's going to get weird.

01:47:03.000 It's like the movie Her.

01:47:05.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:06.000 Yeah, that's 100% going to happen.

01:47:08.000 And by the way, Scarlett Johansson, she sued, was it, which one was it, ChatGPG?

01:47:14.000 Yeah, or was it Gemini?

01:47:16.000 I don't know if she actually went through with it, but yeah, she was, OpenAI, the company.

01:47:19.000 Okay, so they were asking her if they could use her voice, and she said no, and they used a voice that's exactly like her voice.

01:47:28.000 Oh.

01:47:29.000 Not exactly.

01:47:29.000 Pretty close.

01:47:30.000 Close enough.

01:47:31.000 Close enough where she decided she was going to sue. 1.00

01:47:34.000 Is it her shit from, like, other clips? 0.99

01:47:36.000 Well, it's her from, no. 1.00

01:47:37.000 It's another person.

01:47:38.000 Okay.

01:47:39.000 But her contention is they got a person to sound like her.

01:47:42.000 Mm-hmm.

01:47:42.000 Which people have sued for before, right?

01:47:44.000 Like, didn't Kim Kardashian sue because they had a Kim Kardashian lookalike did a commercial when Kim wouldn't do it?

01:47:51.000 Oh, interesting. 0.99

01:47:52.000 Yeah, so if, like, you won't do something, they can get someone who looks super similar to you to do it, and then they'll go, fuck you, I'm suing you. 0.98

01:47:59.000 People were sending me a car commercial for a while that I had to listen to it twice because I thought it was me. 0.99

01:48:04.000 Oh, wow.

01:48:05.000 And they didn't even ask me the first time.

01:48:07.000 Oh, wow.

01:48:08.000 I mean, they weren't trying to use my voice at all.

01:48:11.000 But they used someone who sounded so much like you.

01:48:14.000 It was crazy.

01:48:14.000 A lot of people thought, like, hey, man, congrats on that commercial.

01:48:17.000 And I was like, what's that now?

01:48:19.000 Yeah, the Scarlett Johansson thing, we played it.

01:48:22.000 Now that I'm thinking about it, when we played it here, it was different because she was the voice of her, right?

01:48:29.000 So she was the voice that Joaquin Phoenix falls in love with.

01:48:32.000 But the clip that we played, it was her like bedtime talking, you know, like he was laying in bed and I think she had like more of a raspy time to go to sleep voice.

01:48:42.000 Whereas in, you know, the regular ChatGPT implementation is like Scarlett at the office.

01:48:47.000 Okay.

01:48:48.000 Did you ever see that movie where she becomes a god?

01:48:51.000 What's it called?

01:48:52.000 Do you remember?

01:48:53.000 Lucy.

01:48:54.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:48:54.000 Yeah, I've seen that.

01:48:55.000 Wild fucking movie, man. 0.99

01:48:57.000 That's a fun movie, man. 1.00

01:48:58.000 She is one of those actresses where if I see her on the picture of the movie, I'll watch it. 1.00

01:49:03.000 She's compelling.

01:49:04.000 Yeah.

01:49:04.000 She was great in this movie, Under the Skin.

01:49:07.000 It was an indie sci-fi film and she played an alien.

01:49:11.000 She played this alien that seduced men and drowned them in another dimension. 1.00

01:49:16.000 It's very hard to describe exactly how it did, but she was naked walking to them and they were just slowly drowning.

01:49:21.000 It was a crazy movie, like a really weird movie, but she's an alien.

01:49:25.000 She comes from another planet and she's really hot and she seduces these men. 1.00

01:49:30.000 Under the skin.

01:49:32.000 Yeah.

01:49:32.000 I will be...

01:49:33.000 This is...

01:49:34.000 It's a crazy movie.

01:49:34.000 I will be watching that.

01:49:37.000 So I don't know if the alien did that to her and then it became her.

01:49:41.000 I don't remember how it worked.

01:49:43.000 Or she just assumed that...

01:49:45.000 It was really good, though.

01:49:46.000 Very original.

01:49:47.000 Like, original movie.

01:49:48.000 Like, you watch, like, ooh.

01:49:50.000 But again, hot.

01:49:54.000 Like...

01:49:55.000 Like, ruin your life hot.

01:49:57.000 Yeah.

01:49:58.000 Like, change your plans.

01:49:59.000 Move to another state hot.

01:50:01.000 You know?

01:50:02.000 There's certain women that they lock eyes with you. 1.00

01:50:04.000 You're in real trouble.

01:50:06.000 Oh, man.

01:50:06.000 That happened to me.

01:50:07.000 I got her to move to Minnesota.

01:50:09.000 Oh.

01:50:10.000 That was pretty sick.

01:50:11.000 That is pretty sick.

01:50:12.000 Yeah.

01:50:12.000 And she's still there.

01:50:13.000 Congratulations.

01:50:14.000 Thanks.

01:50:14.000 Thank you.

01:50:15.000 Yeah, sometimes it works.

01:50:16.000 You never know.

01:50:17.000 But the thing is, like, if she's an alien, and she really just wants to drown you in another dimension... 0.99

01:50:22.000 I'd fucking let her. 0.98

01:50:23.000 You might have to. 0.99

01:50:24.000 Yeah.

01:50:24.000 You might.

01:50:25.000 I mean, what, are you gonna live forever?

01:50:27.000 No.

01:50:27.000 You're not.

01:50:28.000 Yeah, sure not.

01:50:29.000 At least you go out in a very unconventional and pretty amazing way.

01:50:33.000 People are gonna be talking about that forever, if they know, if they ever find out about it.

01:50:37.000 Vultures can't find me if I'm way under an interdimensional water system.

01:50:41.000 What do you think is going on with all this UFO talk?

01:50:43.000 Think it's all nonsense?

01:50:44.000 I don't even know about it.

01:50:45.000 You don't pay attention at all?

01:50:46.000 Not really.

01:50:47.000 Wow.

01:50:47.000 Because if they want to come get me, let's go.

01:50:50.000 When you see all this disclosure talk on television, they're talking to Congress, you don't pay attention to any of that shit? 0.99

01:50:57.000 Not really. 0.99

01:50:57.000 Good for you. 0.99

01:50:57.000 I wait until the end. 0.99

01:50:59.000 Good for you.

01:50:59.000 Right.

01:51:00.000 It's like I tell my kids all the time, don't borrow worry from around the bend. 0.98

01:51:04.000 It's like, if you're going to have to worry about it, you're going to have to fucking worry about it. 0.82

01:51:07.000 Yeah, I'm not necessarily worried about the alien thing. 0.68

01:51:11.000 I'm more interested.

01:51:12.000 Sure.

01:51:13.000 I'm like, what is this? 0.99

01:51:14.000 What the fuck is going on? 1.00

01:51:15.000 You know? 1.00

01:51:17.000 How much of this is nonsense?

01:51:18.000 It's not 0%.

01:51:19.000 So, okay.

01:51:21.000 How much of it is real?

01:51:22.000 So you do think that people are coming down?

01:51:25.000 Or other...

01:51:27.000 I think it's highly likely that the universe is way stranger than we think it is.

01:51:34.000 Way stranger.

01:51:36.000 And I don't even know if it's as conventional as a thing gets in a ship and flies here from another place.

01:51:43.000 I think it might be interdimensional traveling.

01:51:47.000 It might be something that's...

01:51:49.000 I've always been here.

01:51:50.000 There's that thought because there's so many instances of things like what we think of that are in like the Bhagavad Gita and these ancient texts that are thousands and thousands of years old and they're talking about things that fly in the sky, flying chariots, flying things that have gods in them.

01:52:08.000 What is that?

01:52:09.000 What's that all about?

01:52:10.000 Comets?

01:52:11.000 Shooting stars?

01:52:12.000 Could be.

01:52:13.000 For sure some of them probably, right?

01:52:15.000 Some of these things that people see streaking across the sky, they see something extraordinary, it lights up the sky, and then mythology gets attached to that, right?

01:52:23.000 And then people, you know, ten years from now tell that story.

01:52:27.000 And then other people tell the story that's told to them by the people that were there, and then that gets a little twisted up like a game of telephone.

01:52:33.000 There's some of that too.

01:52:34.000 But then there's also uniformity.

01:52:36.000 There's uniformity to the descriptions of the movements of the ships and what these things do and why they're interested in us and what they say.

01:52:46.000 It gets very weird.

01:52:47.000 It gets very weird to the point it's like, okay, if this is a mass illusion, if this is a creation of the mind, like Carl Jung thought it was a creation of the mind, thought it was some sort of an illusion that people conjure up in their mind, but it's just like a common illusion.

01:53:03.000 It's just like it's there in the human psyche.

01:53:06.000 Yeah.

01:53:06.000 But then there's also like physical evidence of these things.

01:53:09.000 The physical evidence is when things get real weird.

01:53:12.000 Because they're like, if you're telling the truth, then this isn't totally an illusion.

01:53:16.000 Or maybe it's all those things. 0.98

01:53:18.000 Maybe it's total bullshit, lies, people with myths that make up myths about comets and natural disasters and all kinds of other stuff, and also interdimensional beings. 0.99

01:53:31.000 Occasionally. 0.99

01:53:32.000 And then also things that have always been here.

01:53:35.000 Occasionally.

01:53:36.000 And then also things from another planet.

01:53:38.000 Occasionally.

01:53:38.000 I mean, all things are, it's not binary, right?

01:53:41.000 It's not either UFOs or bullshit or, you know, they're real. 0.89

01:53:45.000 100%. 0.96

01:53:46.000 It's like, it might be all those things.

01:53:49.000 Everything combined.

01:53:50.000 That's what I think a lot of people struggle with is it can be yes and yes.

01:53:54.000 Yeah.

01:53:55.000 It doesn't have to be yes and no.

01:53:56.000 Yeah, there could be a lot of things going on simultaneously, and we're concentrating on one.

01:54:01.000 Some of them I 100% am convinced are government drones that work on some incredibly sophisticated propulsion system that probably doesn't have a person in it, but they probably can move at fantastic speeds using some new novel propulsion system that they don't want to release to the public.

01:54:24.000 Sure.

01:54:40.000 I think they try them out on the troops, just like they try out vaccines in the troops, just like they try out burn pits.

01:54:46.000 You know, they didn't test burn pits to make sure that people weren't going to get sick if they're just breathing in toxic fumes from all the garbage from thousands of troops.

01:54:54.000 No, they just did it.

01:54:55.000 You know, I think they probably do the same thing with everything. 0.99

01:54:57.000 They just try shit out. 0.95

01:54:58.000 Yeah, I also wonder if you hear something, if it makes you think it. 0.98

01:55:01.000 Like when I watched Blair Witch Project.

01:55:03.000 Oh, yeah.

01:55:04.000 I went into...

01:55:05.000 It was dark when I got home.

01:55:06.000 It was light when I left.

01:55:08.000 And dark when I got home.

01:55:09.000 And I sprinted. 0.98

01:55:10.000 And all of a sudden, you think you're seeing fucking people in the corner turned around and you go, well, that can't be right. 0.98

01:55:15.000 Right. 0.99

01:55:16.000 Yeah.

01:55:16.000 So once it's in your head, maybe you keep seeing it.

01:55:19.000 Definitely.

01:55:20.000 Sure.

01:55:21.000 Yeah, things in the woods, things you see in the woods.

01:55:24.000 That's probably what Bigfoot is.

01:55:26.000 Gets in your head.

01:55:27.000 I would think, yeah. 1.00

01:55:28.000 You go looking for that fucking giant hairy man. 1.00

01:55:30.000 Yeah, you see a tree kind of bend with the wind and you're like, what the fuck was that? 1.00

01:55:34.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:55:35.000 The thing about Bigfoot that's really interesting, though, is that Native Americans have a bunch of different names for them.

01:55:41.000 There's a lot of names for them, and they don't really have a lot of fake animals.

01:55:46.000 It's not a common trait in North American culture, in any Native American culture, rather, to worship a bunch of different things or to talk about a bunch of different things that aren't real.

01:55:57.000 Like, mostly they were talking about real things and then spirits, right?

01:56:01.000 Like, they would talk about the different spirits of the sky and spirits of the sun and nature.

01:56:06.000 They're essentially talking about Mother Earth and God and Gaia and nature.

01:56:09.000 But they didn't have, like, fake animals.

01:56:12.000 They did have Bigfoot.

01:56:14.000 There's a lot of Bigfoot that makes you go, I think at one point in time it was real.

01:56:21.000 I think at one point in time.

01:56:22.000 You think there were a bunch of them?

01:56:23.000 Yeah.

01:56:24.000 Well, they know there was a real thing, right?

01:56:26.000 They know there's a thing called Gigantopithecus.

01:56:28.000 And Gigantopithecus existed alongside human beings, for sure, 100%. 0.86

01:56:33.000 And it was a bipedal hominid that was between 8 and 10 feet tall.

01:56:37.000 And it was like in the orangutan genus.

01:56:40.000 And this thing was discovered in the 19...

01:56:44.000 I want to say 1920s or 1930s in an apothecary shop in China.

01:56:51.000 An anthropologist was there and he found these massive primate teeth.

01:56:54.000 And he instantly knew that they didn't belong to a gorilla.

01:56:57.000 They didn't belong to any known primate.

01:56:59.000 And he's like, where'd you get these?

01:57:01.000 And so they took him to the site and they started digging.

01:57:03.000 They found jaw bones that indicated that it was bipedal.

01:57:06.000 Something about the position of the jaw that indicated this thing stood up on two legs.

01:57:10.000 But by the size of it, and then they found some other bones.

01:57:13.000 I think they have a very incomplete skeleton of these things.

01:57:18.000 But they know that it was a real animal, and they know that it existed as recently as I believe it was 100,000 years ago for sure.

01:57:27.000 But it could be way more, way more current.

01:57:30.000 There's just no bones available.

01:57:32.000 So then you think that thing was real, stories got passed on, and then people started seeing it?

01:57:36.000 Mm-hmm.

01:57:37.000 Okay.

01:57:37.000 Yeah, probably.

01:57:38.000 I could get behind that.

01:57:39.000 Yeah.

01:57:40.000 Also, where it existed makes sense because if you think about the sightings, the sightings are all in the Pacific Northwest, right?

01:57:47.000 The Pacific Northwest, if you follow that up past Alaska, which also has a lot of sightings, then you go across the Bering Land Bridge, right?

01:57:55.000 And Asia was where this thing existed. 0.81

01:57:57.000 It kind of makes sense.

01:57:58.000 And then the more they find out about people in North America, they used to think that all people came across the Bering Land Bridge.

01:58:06.000 They don't think that anymore.

01:58:07.000 There's so much evidence of people that were here 25,000 years ago.

01:58:12.000 There's footprints in the ground, like in mud, that they've now carbon dated to more than 20-plus thousand years old.

01:58:21.000 And so that's just what we have, right?

01:58:23.000 That's just the footprint that we got lucky and got from 20. Who's to say that there's not people that were here 50,000 years ago, 100,000 years ago?

01:58:30.000 So now you've got Bigfoot's reel.

01:58:32.000 Because if those people really were alive, and while those people were alive...

01:58:37.000 So if you go back...

01:58:38.000 Just go back 20,000, right?

01:58:40.000 If you go back 20,000 years ago, you're dealing with North American lions, which were the biggest lions on Earth, bigger than African lions.

01:58:47.000 You have saber-toothed tigers.

01:58:48.000 You have giant sloths.

01:58:50.000 You have...

01:58:51.000 All these enormous animals that don't exist here anymore.

01:58:55.000 And this was all in North America alongside people.

01:58:59.000 It just kind of makes sense that you would have a Bigfoot.

01:59:02.000 You'd have a Gigantopithecus.

01:59:04.000 At least a few of them, especially up there.

01:59:07.000 Up there, where it's thickly dense forest. 1.00

01:59:11.000 Seems like if you're a big fucking plant-eating shithead, that's where you would live. 1.00

01:59:16.000 You would live there. 1.00

01:59:18.000 It just totally makes sense that they probably existed just like all these other things.

01:59:23.000 You know, they don't find a whole lot, unless they're in the tar pits, they don't find a whole lot of, like, saber-toothed tigers.

01:59:30.000 They don't find a whole lot of things that existed before 25,000, 35,000 years ago, except dinosaurs, of course.

01:59:37.000 So who knows?

01:59:38.000 Oh, man. 0.99

01:59:39.000 I would love if the afterlife, you were just there for an hour, hooked you up to a fucking cord, put everything that happened in there so you know, and then that's out. 0.99

01:59:48.000 Lights out. 0.99

01:59:49.000 What would you do?

01:59:49.000 If you had a chance to get that cord hooked in and see an hour of any point in the history of the Earth, what would you go to?

01:59:58.000 Oh, well, I was saying all of it within an hour.

02:00:01.000 Just to get the download. 0.98

02:00:03.000 Yeah, like when Keanu Reeves knows kung fu and shit. 0.97

02:00:06.000 Yeah, that would be fun. 0.88

02:00:08.000 But if you could go and see one point in history, in the history of Earth, where would you go?

02:00:15.000 I think I'd probably...

02:00:17.000 Oh, that's a great question.

02:00:22.000 I mean, this is going to be lame, but I'd like to...

02:00:25.000 World War II. That's not lame at all.

02:00:27.000 I'd like to see the genesis of it all and then throughout.

02:00:34.000 And all the hidden conversations that were taking place.

02:00:37.000 You remember the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan?

02:00:40.000 Oh my god, yeah.

02:00:41.000 That was the first opening scene.

02:00:43.000 That was the first scene of a war that made me think this is probably what it was like back then for those guys.

02:00:49.000 Yeah.

02:00:50.000 I didn't say one word.

02:00:51.000 I went to a matinee and I didn't say another word until I woke up the next day.

02:00:55.000 Bro, it was so heavy.

02:00:57.000 Brutal.

02:00:57.000 It was so brutal and so graphic and so intense.

02:01:01.000 When that fucking guy doesn't kill the German at the end, I mean, furious. 1.00

02:01:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:01:08.000 Like breathing with my shoulders. 1.00

02:01:11.000 Crazy fucking movie, man. 1.00

02:01:12.000 And only a tiny fraction of how crazy it really was. 1.00

02:01:19.000 I'm sure.

02:01:19.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:01:21.000 They did the existence of like being there and seeing it happen and being a part of it. 1.00

02:01:27.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

02:01:28.000 And then they had to come back and they had to actually live lives. 1.00

02:01:31.000 Yeah.

02:01:31.000 And no coaching, right?

02:01:33.000 You just come back what they call shell-shocked back then.

02:01:36.000 I don't even want to see this, dude.

02:01:37.000 Yeah, this is wild.

02:01:38.000 I don't want to see this.

02:01:41.000 Speaking of which, how about that president?

02:01:44.000 How about that Trump fella? 0.77

02:01:46.000 How crazy is this?

02:01:48.000 If there's ever been a real indication that we're in a simulation, it's like this season of USA is the craziest season that's ever existed. 0.98

02:02:02.000 There's so many twists and turns, so many plots, so many villains, So many incompetent, bumbling fools that you're like, there's no way that lady's a heartbeat away from the president. 1.00

02:02:14.000 There's no way. 0.99

02:02:16.000 There's no way someone is not telling her to stop saying that same thing over and over again.

02:02:21.000 What can be unburdened by what has been?

02:02:24.000 He just says it over and over and over again.

02:02:26.000 This isn't real.

02:02:27.000 This is writing.

02:02:29.000 Someone wrote this.

02:02:30.000 It seems like a script.

02:02:32.000 When a president that is giving a speech gets shot in the ear and then stands up and goes full John Bender at the end of Breakfast Club.

02:02:40.000 Bro, he pumps his fist in the air.

02:02:42.000 That was a crazy issue.

02:02:43.000 And says, fight, fight, fight. 1.00

02:02:45.000 And when the fucking guy who's the photographer is a wizard... 0.98

02:02:50.000 That guy who got that photograph, find out his name, because this guy's an award-winning photographer. 0.99

02:02:54.000 With the flag above it?

02:02:55.000 Yes.

02:02:56.000 And the angle that he got it, like where he was standing when he took the photo.

02:03:00.000 It's one of the most iconic photos of all time.

02:03:03.000 He had a GoPro on while he was doing it.

02:03:06.000 Wow.

02:03:06.000 You can watch him move in position of take it.

02:03:10.000 Wow.

02:03:11.000 That's nuts, man.

02:03:12.000 That's nuts. 1.00

02:03:14.000 So you could see as the bullets start flying, this fucking dude doesn't even duck. 1.00

02:03:19.000 He's still got his camera out. 0.99

02:03:20.000 He's right behind Trump and he's just got his camera out. 0.75

02:03:23.000 That is so gangster.

02:03:25.000 I mean, you want to talk about getting the shot no matter what?

02:03:28.000 He's running around.

02:03:29.000 There could be bullets flying his way.

02:03:32.000 I would think you're holding up something black in your hand that's pointed at the president. 1.00

02:03:36.000 You fucking should get shot. 1.00

02:03:43.000 I mean, the Trump story is right out of a movie. 1.00

02:03:49.000 And I'm hoping it's not a Stephen King movie.

02:03:53.000 This came out while we've been recording.

02:03:55.000 Secret Service ramped up security after receiving intel of Iranian plot to assassinate Trump.

02:03:59.000 No known connection to shooting.

02:04:01.000 Oh, they ramped that up, and so they ignored the roof 150 yards away? 1.00

02:04:05.000 Yeah, there's so many things where you just go, what the fuck? 1.00

02:04:09.000 What the fuck, dude? 1.00

02:04:10.000 All of it. 1.00

02:04:11.000 All of it.

02:04:12.000 And there's so much of it that seems fake, like the female Secret Service agent that can't holster her weapon.

02:04:19.000 Have you seen this?

02:04:19.000 She's moving around all erratically, and she tries to holster her weapon.

02:04:22.000 She can't get it in there, and she can't figure out how to put it in there.

02:04:24.000 And she stops for a minute, and then she tries back to do it again.

02:04:28.000 It looks so fake.

02:04:31.000 Is she an actress? 0.89

02:04:31.000 No, it looks like an actress, though. 0.89

02:04:33.000 It looks like if you were gonna have a bumbling person in a movie, like almost like a Comedy of Errors or a Coen Brothers movie about an assassination attempt on a president.

02:04:45.000 You have this lady, like here, watch what her gun is. 1.00

02:04:48.000 Look, look, she gets her gun out, she tried to put it in there, she couldn't do it, and she's thinking about putting it back in there.

02:04:54.000 She finally gets it in there.

02:04:57.000 Like, the whole thing.

02:04:57.000 It's like, look at her.

02:04:58.000 Look at her fumbling around. 0.99

02:04:59.000 The whole thing is crazy.

02:05:00.000 The erratic movements.

02:05:02.000 No one knows exactly what to do.

02:05:03.000 It seems fake.

02:05:05.000 Yeah, that's an audition I could nail.

02:05:07.000 Yeah, it seems like...

02:05:08.000 Okay, now you're panicking. 1.00

02:05:10.000 You don't know what the fuck is going on. 0.99

02:05:12.000 You really shouldn't be here. 1.00

02:05:13.000 Go.

02:05:14.000 You're like, where do I put my gun?

02:05:18.000 You want Secret Service cool, calm, collected, high ready with the gun, scanning the area, looking left and right.

02:05:25.000 You want them swift, decisive movements. 0.98

02:05:28.000 You don't want to see any of this fucking squirrely, trying to put the gun back in. 0.99

02:05:31.000 It seems big. 0.99

02:05:33.000 When you see the Reagan shot, it is just a bunch of people moving as well.

02:05:37.000 They dive on them.

02:05:38.000 Bang, dive on them. 1.00

02:05:40.000 This seemed, it almost seems like as this simulation gets further and further along, it gets more and more insane.

02:05:50.000 Yeah, look at this.

02:05:52.000 Yeah, they dive.

02:05:53.000 Immediately, they got him.

02:05:54.000 Immediately.

02:05:56.000 They get his gun immediately.

02:06:00.000 And Reagan survives.

02:06:02.000 Yeah.

02:06:03.000 Which is also crazy. 0.99

02:06:05.000 The Trump one is just so nuts, too. 1.00

02:06:07.000 Like, if he turns his head at the last second, and the bullet grazes his ears, if he didn't, it hits the back of his head, and he's dead, and then we fall into chaos, and who knows what the fuck happens? 1.00

02:06:17.000 Big chaos. 0.99

02:06:18.000 And then people think that the Biden administration had Trump killed, and... 0.98

02:06:22.000 And then there's these questions like how the fuck does this 20-year-old kid climb on that roof 150 yards away and no one sees him? 0.98

02:06:29.000 Well that one guy was pointing at him the whole time. 0.99

02:06:31.000 Yes.

02:06:32.000 He's like pointing to...

02:06:33.000 Yes.

02:06:33.000 He's like he's right there.

02:06:34.000 And they're yelling he's got a gun.

02:06:36.000 There's a guy in the prone position on a roof 150 yards away from the former president.

02:06:42.000 The whole thing's nuts.

02:06:44.000 The whole thing stinks of either incompetence, or a design or We're in the Matrix. 1.00

02:06:54.000 This is a fucking fake movie. 1.00

02:06:57.000 It seems like almost... 1.00

02:06:58.000 To watch this, the most bombastic and manly of presidents, for lack of a better term, to see him with these two female bumbling Secret Service agents, especially the one, 0.96

02:07:14.000 to see that, to see everything happen the way it is, to see that they knew this guy was on the roof, to hear that that guy had pointed his rifle before that at a cop...

02:07:23.000 So the cop engaged him, he pointed the ride bill, and the cop ran away.

02:07:26.000 The guy climbed the roof with a ladder.

02:07:28.000 You can see the ladder.

02:07:29.000 The whole thing is bananas.

02:07:32.000 He's 20 years old, and then you find out he was in a BlackRock commercial?

02:07:36.000 You're like, is this the Black Mirror?

02:07:40.000 Like, tell me what's going on.

02:07:41.000 Is this real?

02:07:43.000 Is this real?

02:07:44.000 And then Trump goes golfing with a bandage on his ear the next day?

02:07:47.000 Yeah.

02:07:47.000 And then the putt, when he made the putt.

02:07:49.000 Jesus Christ.

02:07:50.000 Did you hear his quote?

02:07:51.000 No.

02:07:51.000 He said, uh, that's the difference between me and the shooter.

02:07:53.000 I don't miss.

02:07:56.000 This isn't a real person!

02:07:57.000 And then now you have people flooding from the left being like, all right.

02:08:02.000 Yeah.

02:08:02.000 That's a good quote.

02:08:03.000 I'll do this.

02:08:04.000 There's people that are like, okay, he won.

02:08:06.000 Like, they've just given in.

02:08:07.000 They're not even going to try to run anybody other than Biden now.

02:08:10.000 They were trying to get Biden out.

02:08:11.000 And now I think they've abandoned that.

02:08:13.000 Well, I don't.

02:08:14.000 I wonder if they're doing the old, like, you know, train the boxer as a southpaw.

02:08:20.000 I read that golf story, too.

02:08:22.000 This is not the first time. 1.00

02:08:23.000 There's a lot of golf accounts that put out fake shit. 0.99

02:08:25.000 Oh. 1.00

02:08:27.000 Jamie, stop ruining our dreams.

02:08:29.000 I just want to add it. 1.00

02:08:30.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

02:08:31.000 That was not seemingly real. 1.00

02:08:33.000 Jamie plays a lot of golf, and he gets very touchy when it comes to golf, and he calls bullshit. 0.97

02:08:38.000 That's fair. 0.68

02:08:38.000 It just came from a Reddit post that people screenshotted. 0.68

02:08:41.000 There was no pictures, no nothing else. 0.97

02:08:43.000 Oh, well, touche, young troll. 0.98

02:08:45.000 Touche. 0.97

02:08:46.000 It happens a lot. 1.00

02:08:47.000 You got your fucking story mentioned on the podcast. 1.00

02:08:49.000 That's me. 1.00

02:08:50.000 You sons of bitches. 1.00

02:08:51.000 You can get me very easily. 1.00

02:08:53.000 I did read that, too.

02:08:55.000 The whole thing's so wild.

02:08:56.000 There's video of the kid in the BlackRock commercial, and you're like, what?

02:09:01.000 And there's the video of a kid, like, they're saying he's getting bullied in high school, but it doesn't seem like he's being bullied. 0.97

02:09:08.000 It seems like everyone's having fun, because he's talking about how he has a 10-inch penis, and they're just filming each other. 0.97

02:09:14.000 It looks like they're having fun. 1.00

02:09:15.000 And you're looking like, how is it, two years later, this guy tries to kill Trump?

02:09:20.000 Like, what happened?

02:09:21.000 And then you find out he was a registered Republican?

02:09:24.000 Like, what? 0.99

02:09:25.000 You know high school, those 10-inch dick guys always getting bullied. 0.99

02:09:30.000 Always getting bullied. 0.99

02:09:31.000 He was saying it funny.

02:09:32.000 It was like he's trying to be funny.

02:09:33.000 You know? 1.00

02:09:34.000 He's saying, yeah, I got a 10-inch penis. 1.00

02:09:36.000 I mean, he wasn't saying, like, I definitely have a 10-inch dick. 1.00

02:09:38.000 It was like he's... 0.99

02:09:39.000 It didn't seem like he was being bullied.

02:09:41.000 I mean, obviously I saw one clip. 0.95

02:09:42.000 Who knows what the fuck the full context of it is, but... 0.94

02:09:44.000 Right. 0.96

02:09:46.000 20?

02:09:47.000 20 years old?

02:09:48.000 And he's got this idea, and he pulls it off?

02:09:51.000 He actually gets a shot off and nicks him? 0.95

02:09:53.000 And then they kill him?

02:09:55.000 Like, you're seeing this 20-year-old kid, his life is over.

02:09:57.000 Like, somehow or another, he talked himself into trying to assassinate the president as a lone gunman in Pennsylvania, got on top of a roof, either through sheer incompetence, Or for some other reason, he actually gets a shot off, and the president just moves his head at the right time? 1.00

02:10:17.000 The whole thing is, if it was in a movie, I'd be like, shut the fuck up! 0.99

02:10:21.000 That'll make you believe in God. 0.99

02:10:22.000 That's when God's up there when he's going like, I don't want to talk to this guy yet.

02:10:26.000 He's a lot.

02:10:27.000 I don't want him up here yet.

02:10:28.000 I'm the greatest angel.

02:10:30.000 Or maybe he wants him here to expose how crazy our political system really is.

02:10:36.000 Because the only way we find out how coordinated everything is, whether you're a Trump fan or not, even if you hate Trump, put that aside for a second and just look at how much coordination there is in the media to go after him.

02:10:52.000 And it exposes like this thing where you have to step back and go, wait a minute, hold on a second.

02:11:00.000 What's really going on?

02:11:02.000 Whether you hate that guy or not, hate him. 0.99

02:11:04.000 Hate him. 1.00

02:11:05.000 Think he's a crook. 1.00

02:11:06.000 Hate him. 1.00

02:11:06.000 Think he's a liar. 1.00

02:11:07.000 Hate him. 0.98

02:11:08.000 Don't you think it's weird that they're all in lockstep with the way they talk about him, even with things that aren't true?

02:11:16.000 Like, especially the Russia collusion hoax that they all talked about for years and years.

02:11:19.000 I thought it was real.

02:11:21.000 I thought, like, he colluded with Russia, and that was, like, the crazy thing about him winning the presidency.

02:11:26.000 Oh my god, he worked with Russia. 0.98

02:11:27.000 Maybe Russia has something on him.

02:11:28.000 He kept hearing about it, right? 1.00

02:11:30.000 That was just bullshit. 0.98

02:11:31.000 And they went through that for years and years, and then you start going, okay, What else is coordinated where everybody is saying something? 1.00

02:11:40.000 How about the Nord Stream pipeline?

02:11:42.000 Seymour Hersh says, we blew it up.

02:11:44.000 Esteemed journalist says, no matter what they say, I'm telling you, this was our doing.

02:11:48.000 We blew this up.

02:11:49.000 This wasn't some other country.

02:11:51.000 This wasn't Russia. 0.74

02:11:52.000 They wouldn't blow up their own pipeline.

02:11:54.000 We blew it up. 1.00

02:11:55.000 But every newspaper is like, this is bullshit. 1.00

02:11:59.000 This is impossible. 1.00

02:12:00.000 It could not happen.

02:12:01.000 This was Russian disinformation.

02:12:04.000 Russian disinformation.

02:12:05.000 You can hear it about every story.

02:12:07.000 It's so hard to understand.

02:12:09.000 What is the motivation to getting these stories out?

02:12:13.000 Are these narratives created by the real government that runs everything and then tells the news organizations that are in business with them what to say and what to do?

02:12:22.000 Who knows?

02:12:23.000 That's why it gets spooky.

02:12:25.000 You're voting for a guy who isn't doing much when he gets there.

02:12:29.000 I mean, there's a lot of people around that are making these things. 0.99

02:12:32.000 And I will tell you, I still believe some of the Russian shit. 1.00

02:12:35.000 Because you've heard me fucking misquote the golf thing. 1.00

02:12:37.000 I mean, I still believe a lot of shit I hear. 0.99

02:12:39.000 Oh, I do all the time. 1.00

02:12:40.000 They get me all the time. 0.99

02:12:42.000 There's so many stories that I'm sure are bullshit that I've parroted. 1.00

02:12:45.000 But if Trump wouldn't play the political game, if he wouldn't put the people on the Supreme Court, I know it's his job when he's in there, but if he wouldn't do any of that shit, he's definitely the come out on stage and be like, waving papers, you guys aren't gonna fucking believe this! 0.99

02:13:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:13:00.000 And tell everybody everything. 0.99

02:13:02.000 He is if he wasn't doing that other stuff.

02:13:04.000 But the only way he gets any support is if he does that other stuff, too.

02:13:07.000 Like, you've got to understand about Trump.

02:13:08.000 He was a lifelong Democrat.

02:13:11.000 Yeah.

02:13:11.000 Lifelong.

02:13:12.000 Which is so weird.

02:13:14.000 Wasn't it when he was starting to run for president, wasn't he still?

02:13:18.000 Like, wasn't he when he started talking about it?

02:13:20.000 I believe so.

02:13:20.000 He was still a Democrat, right?

02:13:21.000 Yes, I believe so.

02:13:22.000 Well, he had a very close relationship to the Clintons to the point where he paid them to come to his wedding.

02:13:28.000 Or his daughter's wedding, or one of those things.

02:13:30.000 Like, you would pay them, and they would come to weddings and events, and he would go to events.

02:13:35.000 You know, that was, like, the famous thing that was at the White House Correspondence Center.

02:13:41.000 Do you remember that? 0.72

02:13:41.000 The White House Press Correspondence Dinner was always supposed to be this thing where comedians would do it, and they would, like, Michelle Wolfe did it one year, fucking crushed it. 0.72

02:13:50.000 I remember. 0.94

02:13:50.000 She crushed it. 0.94

02:13:51.000 So hard.

02:13:52.000 And they would go up, and they would, Trump was, by the way, the first guy to not do it.

02:13:57.000 Like, you never making fun of me? 0.99

02:13:58.000 Which is kind of a pussy move. 1.00

02:14:00.000 But every other president got roasted. 0.98

02:14:03.000 And one time, during the White House press correspondence thing, Obama went on stage and he roasted Trump.

02:14:12.000 And one of the lines he said to Trump, he said, I'm one thing that you'll never be, which is the President of the United States.

02:14:17.000 Because this is when Trump was trying to claim that Obama's from Kenya.

02:14:20.000 Do you remember that?

02:14:21.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

02:14:22.000 The birther stuff, which is wild.

02:14:25.000 That stuff was wild.

02:14:26.000 You know, he was like saying he knows for sure that Obama came from Kenya, and then there's people that were like examining photoshops of the birth certificate.

02:14:36.000 It was a crazy conspiracy. 0.99

02:14:39.000 And that was, you know, he was roasting Trump in the audience, and you could see Trump in his head going, okay, I'm gonna fucking run now. 0.98

02:14:46.000 Like, that might have been the thing that got him to run. 0.99

02:14:49.000 Like, legitimately, that's how crazy that guy is. 0.99

02:14:52.000 That one moment where Obama was talking shit to him might be the reason why Trump was like, uh-huh. 1.00

02:14:58.000 I'll fucking show you. 1.00

02:15:00.000 Because you do not want that fucking guy on your bad side. 0.99

02:15:04.000 Well, this is the first time I've ever meant this, but thanks, Obama. 0.99

02:15:08.000 Whoops!

02:15:12.000 What a crazy turn of...

02:15:14.000 Again, seems like it's written.

02:15:16.000 Seems like a script.

02:15:18.000 Seems like a simulation. 1.00

02:15:20.000 Yeah, that shit really does. 1.00

02:15:21.000 It really does. 1.00

02:15:22.000 So much of it really does.

02:15:24.000 So much of life really feels like a simulation.

02:15:26.000 And the thing about this Trump stuff and just all of the stuff that's happening with social media and AI. The guy who's at the helm...

02:15:38.000 Of one of the biggest social media networks in the world is Elon Musk Elon Musk said that the odds of us not being in the simulation are in the billions He believes wholeheartedly that we're in a simulation See if you can find him saying that because it's such a nutty quote Because when someone says that you go.

02:16:02.000 Oh, yeah, maybe but when Elon Musk says that and he says it Definitively.

02:16:07.000 He says it like with pure confidence, and he's no hyperbole.

02:16:12.000 He's just stating it like this is something I've analyzed.

02:16:14.000 This is something I've thought about for a long time.

02:16:17.000 Yeah, but he also made that Cybertruck.

02:16:19.000 Do you like it or not?

02:16:21.000 It looks like you can't be penetrated with a bullet.

02:16:25.000 You can be penetrated with a bullet and they're fun to drive.

02:16:27.000 You ever driven one?

02:16:28.000 I've driven a Tesla normal, but this is different.

02:16:32.000 Same thing.

02:16:33.000 It defies time.

02:16:35.000 It doesn't make sense.

02:16:36.000 It goes so fast for something that's so big.

02:16:39.000 And it's bulletproof.

02:16:40.000 It's like, it's crazy.

02:16:41.000 But it's the kind of thing that you would make if you're that guy. 0.99

02:16:45.000 Like, let's make a fucking steel truck that's bulletproof. 0.99

02:16:50.000 Simulation. 0.99

02:16:51.000 Here it is.

02:16:52.000 Do you entertain that?

02:16:56.000 Well, the argument for the simulation, I think, is quite strong because if you assume any improvement at all over time, any improvement, 1%, 0.1%, just extend the time frame, make it a thousand years,

02:17:12.000 a million years, the universe is 13.8 billion years old.

02:17:17.000 Civilization, if you count it, if you're very generous, civilization is maybe seven or eight thousand years old, if you count it from the first writing.

02:17:26.000 This is nothing.

02:17:28.000 This is nothing.

02:17:31.000 So, if you assume any rate of improvement at all, then games will be indistinguishable from reality.

02:17:44.000 Before civilization will end, one of those two things will occur.

02:17:51.000 Therefore, we are most likely in a simulation.

02:17:53.000 So this is on my podcast, he said that, but then there was another interview where he was being questioned, like, what are the odds?

02:18:01.000 And he said the odds of us not being in a simulation are in the billions.

02:18:07.000 He firmly believes it.

02:18:08.000 But it might be what the universe is, which we were talking about how the universe is stranger.

02:18:13.000 I think the universe is stranger than we think it is.

02:18:15.000 That might be why.

02:18:17.000 It might be because it's not totally real or nothing is totally real.

02:18:21.000 The idea of totally real is not real.

02:18:23.000 Like, our concept of things being real is, even if you, like, look at quantum physics, right, which I'm definitely gonna butcher, but there's the observer effect.

02:18:32.000 There's this thing that they do where they look at things on a quantum level, and when you're looking at them and measuring them, they have a different reaction.

02:18:39.000 There's something that's going on where we're interacting with matter.

02:18:44.000 Where it doesn't make any sense.

02:18:47.000 If you get down to the lowest levels of understandable reality, you get into subatomic particles, and then you have spooky action at a distance where these things are somehow or another, they're connected in vast spaces,

02:19:05.000 but they interact with each other instantaneously.

02:19:09.000 And if you take photons, and photons are quantumly entangled, they figured out how to take some sort of a super sophisticated image of photons that are quantum entangled.

02:19:18.000 They look like a yin and a yang.

02:19:20.000 Like, exactly.

02:19:21.000 It's the wildest thing.

02:19:22.000 You see it, and you're like, what?

02:19:25.000 Jamie will find it.

02:19:26.000 Is it that golden ratio thing?

02:19:28.000 Is it part of that?

02:19:29.000 The golden ratio is different.

02:19:30.000 The golden ratio is like...

02:19:34.000 There's things like the Fibonacci sequence.

02:19:36.000 There's mathematical ratios that exist in all of nature.

02:19:39.000 This is quantum entanglement.

02:19:42.000 This is like two photons that are quantumly entangled.

02:19:46.000 And when they get this super sophisticated imaging of this thing, it looks like a yin and yang.

02:19:52.000 Exactly.

02:19:54.000 That's pretty sweet.

02:19:55.000 Jamie will find it.

02:19:55.000 So do we all, you think we all have a different assimilation?

02:20:00.000 Like, this is what I'm seeing, but in someone else's simulation, I'm very poor, I'm living somewhere else, I'm doing this?

02:20:08.000 Probably all things are happening simultaneously.

02:20:11.000 And you're just in this one right now.

02:20:13.000 And I'm not even sure if you're in the same one that you were in yesterday.

02:20:16.000 That's where it gets weird. 0.97

02:20:18.000 I think when you go to bed, like, who the fuck knows what happens? 0.99

02:20:21.000 You're closing your eyes and disappearing. 0.98

02:20:22.000 Who is to say that you are coming back in the exact same place?

02:20:26.000 You might have been born today.

02:20:28.000 Your whole life, everything that exists, might have been a creation that did not exist 12 hours ago.

02:20:34.000 You might have woken up.

02:20:36.000 Here it is.

02:20:37.000 Look at that.

02:20:39.000 That is pretty insane. 0.99

02:20:41.000 Fucking insane. 0.99

02:20:42.000 It looks exactly like a yin and a yang. 0.99

02:20:48.000 Duality and harmony.

02:20:50.000 That's the Chinese symbol for duality and harmony and that is literally quantum entangled photons.

02:20:57.000 There are so many things like that.

02:20:59.000 In sacred geometry and when they're looking at all this, like the smallest things they can measure, you're getting to magic. 0.99

02:21:08.000 Subatomic particles are fucking magic. 0.97

02:21:11.000 What are they doing? 0.99

02:21:12.000 They're in a superposition? 0.99

02:21:13.000 What the fuck does that mean? 0.97

02:21:14.000 Well, they're moving and they're still at the same time. 0.98

02:21:17.000 Like, what are you even saying?

02:21:19.000 What does that mean?

02:21:19.000 They blink in and out of existence.

02:21:21.000 They go away.

02:21:22.000 They come back.

02:21:23.000 They move around. 1.00

02:21:24.000 You don't know where the fuck they went. 0.99

02:21:25.000 Like, what is this? 0.99

02:21:25.000 It's magic. 0.99

02:21:27.000 It's basically something that can't exist anywhere else other than in the quantum state.

02:21:31.000 But that's like the base of everything.

02:21:34.000 Like everything you touch is nothing.

02:21:36.000 There's nothing there.

02:21:37.000 It's mostly nothing.

02:21:38.000 And yet it's oak tables.

02:21:43.000 We might be misunderstanding what happened here a little.

02:21:47.000 How so?

02:21:48.000 We went over that with...

02:21:48.000 Who did we go over that with?

02:21:49.000 I know, but it says that they...

02:21:51.000 I'm rereading it again.

02:21:52.000 We went over it with Eric Weinstein, didn't we?

02:21:55.000 It says so that yin-yang was programmed into it.

02:21:59.000 Recovering enough information to recreate a yin-yang symbol programmed into the photon-generating apparatus.

02:22:06.000 Applying tricks of holography, the researchers were able to read positional information into interference of two separated light waves, recovering enough information to recreate a yin-yang symbol programmed into the photon-generating apparatus.

02:22:22.000 Yeah, but I don't think they're saying they programmed that into it.

02:22:25.000 If you see what they're saying, the researchers were able to read positional information in the interference of two separated light waves, recovering enough information to recreate a yin-yang symbol programmed into the photon-generating apparatus.

02:22:41.000 I think they're saying that they're recreating this symbol based on what's happening.

02:22:47.000 I don't think they're saying they program it to look like that.

02:22:52.000 My guess is that they're doing that so they knew what they were looking for.

02:22:56.000 It says, as simple as the yin-yang looks, in this single static image represents a significant leap in measuring numerous quantum states in a short time.

02:23:04.000 Don't you think that Eric Weinstein would have picked up on that if that's what it was saying?

02:23:10.000 Go back to what it just said there, because I wanted to read the next...

02:23:13.000 Where were you?

02:23:16.000 No.

02:23:17.000 No, a little lower.

02:23:19.000 This is it.

02:23:19.000 This method is exponentially faster than previous techniques, requiring only minutes or seconds instead of days.

02:23:25.000 What?

02:23:25.000 Importantly, the detection time is not influenced by the symmetry's complexity.

02:23:29.000 A solution to the long-standing scalability challenge in projective tomography. 0.98

02:23:35.000 Okay, we're too dumb.

02:23:37.000 It looks like they were looking at them and then figured out how to map them by what they were looking at and then could program it, right? 0.91

02:23:43.000 Isn't quantum all sorts of directions, not just XY? It's a flat image, you know, and it's like all the dimensions, so it's in super space and up and down and left and right.

02:23:53.000 Well, how much can they see of a photon, right?

02:23:57.000 Like, what is a photo?

02:23:58.000 Okay, let's look at this.

02:23:59.000 Give me an image.

02:24:00.000 Google image of a photon. 0.99

02:24:02.000 Let's see what the fuck they can see. 0.99

02:24:06.000 I mean, all this stuff is... 1.00

02:24:08.000 How about neutrinos?

02:24:08.000 They're passing through the Earth, like, passing through us right now from space.

02:24:13.000 I felt that.

02:24:14.000 What?

02:24:15.000 Like, what is this?

02:24:16.000 Is that what it looks like?

02:24:17.000 I don't know.

02:24:18.000 What is that?

02:24:19.000 Left shapes are photons?

02:24:22.000 This one looks crazier than that one.

02:24:22.000 Bro, look at that.

02:24:25.000 Hologram of a single photon.

02:24:27.000 What?

02:24:29.000 Just that alone.

02:24:30.000 Okay, if that is the... 1.00

02:24:31.000 That's the fucking... 0.99

02:24:33.000 That's at the bottom. 1.00

02:24:34.000 You keep looking in the ingredients.

02:24:47.000 That's a lot of words. 0.99

02:25:02.000 Yeah, I don't know what the fuck I just said. 0.99

02:25:03.000 That's the problem. 1.00

02:25:04.000 We're too dumb. 1.00

02:25:05.000 We're too uneducated to really understand what the fuck they're saying. 1.00

02:25:08.000 That's why they can trick you. 0.99

02:25:10.000 Yeah.

02:25:11.000 Yeah, man.

02:25:12.000 It's all about Jesus.

02:25:14.000 Jesus is the base of it all.

02:25:15.000 There's a lot of people that believe that.

02:25:17.000 Maybe in their world.

02:25:20.000 Here's where it gets really screwy.

02:25:21.000 Maybe if you believe in Jesus, it's real.

02:25:26.000 Maybe that's what religion is really all about.

02:25:28.000 Maybe the thing is not, oh, I can prove that there's no God.

02:25:33.000 Maybe if you believe there's a God, there's a God.

02:25:38.000 That's how weird the simulation might be.

02:25:41.000 Well, I think it's a brilliant move because if you believe there's a God, you're never going to know you're wrong.

02:25:47.000 Right.

02:25:47.000 Because it's like Ghost of Dark.

02:25:49.000 Also, Jordan Peterson, he has this very interesting perspective on this.

02:25:54.000 He says, I won't tell you whether or not I believe in a God, but I act as if God is real.

02:25:59.000 And if you act as if God is real, you will have a better life.

02:26:03.000 Which is almost like that thing of the muse, right?

02:26:06.000 Like, is the muse a real thing that gives you ideas?

02:26:09.000 I don't know.

02:26:10.000 But I do know that if I sit in front of my computer on a regular basis and I dedicate myself to writing, ideas come to me.

02:26:18.000 Yeah.

02:26:19.000 And I don't know if that's just, like, I don't know if creativity is like endurance.

02:26:24.000 I don't know if it's like a physical quality that you possess because of work.

02:26:28.000 I don't know.

02:26:29.000 To me, God is like year-round Santa.

02:26:32.000 It's like, go to sleep, be nice, he's keeping a list.

02:26:36.000 Yeah, that God.

02:26:37.000 That kind of God.

02:26:38.000 But what about the universe's God?

02:26:42.000 There's some creative force that absolutely exists, and it's called the universe.

02:26:47.000 It literally makes all the stars.

02:26:49.000 It literally makes black holes.

02:26:51.000 It literally makes carbon-based life forms in Goldilocks zones on planets like ours.

02:26:56.000 It makes it.

02:26:57.000 The universe made us.

02:26:59.000 So if you wanted to find evidence of a god...

02:27:03.000 The universe is God.

02:27:04.000 It makes sense that it would be God.

02:27:07.000 It is everything.

02:27:08.000 We wanted to be a person.

02:27:10.000 We wanted to be, like, a guy with rules.

02:27:13.000 But there are some kind of rules, right?

02:27:16.000 As human beings, when we interact with each other incorrectly, we feel bad.

02:27:20.000 When we interact with each other correctly, we get things done together, we spread love, we spread joy, we spread happiness, and that's a lot of the tenets of religion are preaching that.

02:27:32.000 So it's almost like there's some guidelines that these people who had figured some whisper of what God is out and they wrote it down on these animal skins and they locked them up in a fucking clay pot in Qumran and they found them and deciphered them and that's what it is,

02:27:49.000 right?

02:27:49.000 That's what the Dead Sea Scrolls are.

02:27:52.000 Whatever that is, is then literally interpreted, and it's interpreted by zealots, and it's interpreted by people that use it to control people's behavior, and it's interpreted in a manner that controls large populations and And forces people to be subjugated.

02:28:14.000 Like that is the whole reason why the revolution, when Martin Luther created a phonetic version of the Bible and others were doing it at the same time as well or similar time periods, people were freaking out because now the Bible was available to people that didn't read Latin.

02:28:29.000 So now the Bible is available in German.

02:28:31.000 And then guys like Martin Luther were saying, interpret the Bible as you will. 0.99

02:28:35.000 And the priest was like, no, you fucking don't. 1.00

02:28:37.000 We'll fucking kill you, dude. 1.00

02:28:39.000 They're like, you're ruining our whole gig. 1.00

02:28:41.000 Because their whole gig was they were the power.

02:28:43.000 They were the purveyors of control. 0.99

02:28:45.000 The fucking Pope ran the biggest army in the world at one point in time. 1.00

02:28:49.000 The Pope was running Europe. 1.00

02:28:51.000 Well, Martin Luther, he got caught in a storm and then prayed to God.

02:28:54.000 He goes, if you get me out of this, I'll do this.

02:28:56.000 I'll start Lutheranism.

02:28:58.000 Oh.

02:28:59.000 And that's the ultimate, I'll quit drinking.

02:29:02.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:29:03.000 It's like, I promise if you make me stop puking.

02:29:06.000 Wow.

02:29:08.000 So that's how that, I mean.

02:29:09.000 Yeah, man.

02:29:10.000 I think at the base of it all, there's a story.

02:29:13.000 There's something that happened.

02:29:14.000 There's too many similarities.

02:29:17.000 And even, I always say this, sorry if you heard it, but the people that, like, when you, in the Bible, in the beginning there was light. 0.92

02:29:24.000 What the fuck is the Big Bang? 0.97

02:29:26.000 That is the Big Bang. 0.99

02:29:28.000 So maybe they kind of understood some things, but they talked about it.

02:29:34.000 It was an oral tradition for a thousand years before it was even written down some of these stories.

02:29:40.000 And some of these stories have origins where they're super similar in other religions, super similar catastrophe tales, super similar, like there's Noah's Ark, which is real similar to the Epic of Gilgamesh, which is real, like Thor is real similar to Jesus.

02:29:56.000 It's like, A lot of, like, real, like, what really happened?

02:30:01.000 And if it's the beginning and it's light, maybe it's birth.

02:30:04.000 Maybe it's the beginning of somebody's life.

02:30:05.000 Could be that, too.

02:30:06.000 Sure.

02:30:07.000 Could be that, too.

02:30:08.000 But I find myself at the end of a drive, like, I used to have to drive three hours to the airport back and forth for 17 years.

02:30:15.000 Jesus.

02:30:15.000 And I'd get home at dusk, and deer are everywhere, and I'd just go, no, thank you.

02:30:20.000 I don't believe in God, but I'd just go, no, thank you.

02:30:22.000 Like, I don't want to hit one.

02:30:23.000 And then I'd get home, and I would.

02:30:25.000 I'd go, ah, universe, thank you.

02:30:27.000 I mean, there's got to be something.

02:30:29.000 If you're nice to somebody, niceness comes back. 1.00

02:30:32.000 If you're a dick in traffic, it almost seems like all the shitty drivers at once, their fucking beeper goes off and they hit the road. 0.99

02:30:40.000 But if you're decent in traffic, it seems to open up a little bit, for me anyways. 1.00

02:30:45.000 That's what I've noticed.

02:30:46.000 Depending on where you live. 1.00

02:30:47.000 You live in LA, you're fucked. 1.00

02:30:48.000 No matter what, you're fucked. 1.00

02:30:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:30:50.000 I think there's something to that.

02:30:52.000 But then there's also babies that get killed in drive-bys, right?

02:30:55.000 Yeah, that's where it gets real confusing.

02:30:58.000 So I don't think it necessarily really makes sense.

02:31:03.000 I think it kind of makes sense, and then it doesn't.

02:31:07.000 Just like the UFO thing, and just like everything about human beings, I think there's a lot going on simultaneously.

02:31:14.000 That's why I want that hour-long plug-in.

02:31:16.000 I don't want eternal life.

02:31:18.000 You know how long that is?

02:31:19.000 I mean, come on.

02:31:20.000 I just want...

02:31:20.000 You might have it no matter what.

02:31:21.000 I just want to know and then that's it.

02:31:23.000 If you're living a new life every time you wake up, you might get eternal life whether you like it or not.

02:31:29.000 That's what some people believe.

02:31:31.000 They believe that...

02:31:32.000 There's some religions that believe you will do this life over and over and over again until you get it right.

02:31:38.000 Well, I've got some work to do.

02:31:39.000 We all do!

02:31:42.000 But guess what?

02:31:43.000 If you get it all right, you're not going to get stand-up comedy.

02:31:47.000 You know, that's the problem.

02:31:48.000 We are almost dooming ourselves to repeat over and over and over again.

02:31:51.000 Because to do our job correctly, you have to step out of line.

02:31:55.000 And you've got to crack a few eggs to make an omelet.

02:32:02.000 Yeah, comedy is pretty...

02:32:04.000 Who's the...

02:32:05.000 Jeff Dunham?

02:32:06.000 Do you remember him?

02:32:07.000 Yeah, sure.

02:32:07.000 So I was opening for him in Miami, and I just remember this because this is my ultimate egg-cracking.

02:32:14.000 The crowd hated me for 30 minutes.

02:32:17.000 And so at the end of it all, I took my shoe off, and I put my sock on my hand, and I go, is this what you guys wanted?

02:32:23.000 And I started doing that. 0.99

02:32:25.000 Fucking boo! 0.99

02:32:26.000 And then Dunham comes back and he goes, this isn't going to work this week. 0.99

02:32:30.000 And I was like, I didn't think so. 0.99

02:32:31.000 I'm sorry, but fuck. 0.99

02:32:32.000 I was just so pissed. 0.99

02:32:34.000 Oh, that's funny.

02:32:35.000 That's funny.

02:32:36.000 You mocked the people that wanted the puppet.

02:32:39.000 They were not through.

02:32:42.000 That happens, though, if you bring somebody on the road, you know, and you're a big act, like a puppet act, like a very specific kind of act.

02:32:48.000 Like, they're like, they don't want to hear, like, your observations about your relationship. 0.87

02:32:51.000 Shut up. 0.99

02:32:52.000 No. 1.00

02:32:52.000 I used to open for John Panette, and I was in really good shape, and people fucking hated me. 1.00

02:32:57.000 Ah! 0.89

02:32:58.000 I mean, they used to have to pull seats out of his rooms.

02:33:01.000 Like, if it was a 380 cap, they'd have to bring it down to 350 to make room...

02:33:05.000 For him to move through the aisle.

02:33:06.000 Well, for his fans.

02:33:08.000 Oh, God.

02:33:09.000 Right.

02:33:09.000 Because they would bring him full cheesecakes from the Cheesecake Factory.

02:33:12.000 Oh, my God.

02:33:14.000 Yeah, they were really killing him.

02:33:17.000 He was funny, man.

02:33:19.000 When I started in 1988, he was an established professional. 0.96

02:33:23.000 And I remember I saw him one night at Nick's Comedy Stop and he was fucking killing. 0.90

02:33:28.000 He had this bit about going to a Chinese buffet. 0.94

02:33:31.000 You know that bit?

02:33:32.000 You've been here for an hour.

02:33:33.000 Yes.

02:33:35.000 It was such a good bit, and he would crush. 0.81

02:33:39.000 He was one of those guys, too, that he had the advantage of looking funny, because he was just such a round, big, smiley, jolly, fat guy.

02:33:46.000 You smiled when you saw him, like, this guy's gonna be fun.

02:33:49.000 He's the most generous guy I ever met.

02:33:51.000 Really?

02:33:51.000 I had two kids.

02:33:53.000 Living in Minnesota, and he goes, I like you, so I'm going to match what the club pays you, and I'm going to pay for part of your plane ticket.

02:34:02.000 And I don't think I would have been able to keep doing comedy without him.

02:34:05.000 Oh, that's very sweet.

02:34:07.000 And now if you look up that Chinese bit... 1.00

02:34:09.000 They've cut...

02:34:10.000 You know how for clips you have to cut laughter?

02:34:12.000 He just looks really racist.

02:34:14.000 Because they've cut all the laughter out.

02:34:16.000 Oh no!

02:34:17.000 So it's just him like doing the accent.

02:34:19.000 Why did they cut the laughter out?

02:34:20.000 I think to make it the right time or something.

02:34:22.000 I don't know.

02:34:23.000 But it's brutal.

02:34:24.000 Don't do that.

02:34:24.000 It's Don't do that.

02:34:27.000 Oh, no.

02:34:28.000 Because that bit used to kill.

02:34:30.000 Oh, my God, it'd kill.

02:34:31.000 Yeah, I saw him do that bit in Boston. 0.98

02:34:33.000 I was like, oh, my God, he's a monster.

02:34:35.000 And when you see something like that when you are, you know, 21, you'd be doing comedy for four months, you're like, what?

02:34:40.000 Yeah.

02:34:41.000 But there were so many guys like that in Boston at that time that were just murderers.

02:34:46.000 They were so fast paced.

02:34:49.000 And their punchlines would be bang, bang, bang.

02:34:51.000 They had so much energy on stage.

02:34:52.000 It was a crazy time.

02:34:54.000 Like you were saying, you have to in Boston.

02:34:56.000 Because people don't want that down time.

02:34:58.000 Yeah, but I think that's the case with all cold environments.

02:35:02.000 Like I said, New York was a lot like that. 1.00

02:35:04.000 Places where people are fucking dealing with some shit. 1.00

02:35:07.000 They don't have time for your nonsense. 1.00

02:35:08.000 You can't be out there. 0.92

02:35:10.000 Although you can do a lot of that now in New York.

02:35:12.000 You can get away with a lot of nonsense in the right rooms.

02:35:15.000 Yeah, I think so.

02:35:16.000 They want nonsense.

02:35:17.000 They want you to sit and pontificate for a minute before you actually say something else.

02:35:22.000 Yeah, they want you to put social justice ahead of your laughter.

02:35:27.000 I have to do that?

02:35:29.000 What if I just tell jokes?

02:35:31.000 Why would I just say things I think are funny?

02:35:32.000 Is that okay, too?

02:35:33.000 Do you have to me what I'm saying?

02:35:34.000 Yeah, instead, how about don't laugh when you don't think it's funny?

02:35:38.000 Yeah.

02:35:38.000 Don't throw a fit.

02:35:39.000 Just don't laugh, and I'll know.

02:35:40.000 And then laugh when it is.

02:35:42.000 Some guys have to find their audience, and then once they find their audience, then the people go for them for that kind of comedy.

02:35:50.000 Like, that was the case with Mitch Hedberg.

02:35:51.000 That's the case right now with William Montgomery.

02:35:54.000 Like, William Montgomery, I don't know if you know him.

02:35:56.000 Oh, can I tell you?

02:35:57.000 Yeah. 0.92

02:35:58.000 I did kill Tony last night for the first time. 0.99

02:36:00.000 I didn't know anything about this guy, and he just fucking screamed in my face. 0.99

02:36:04.000 I thought he was going to punch me in the face. 0.99

02:36:06.000 So I'm sitting there watching this guy and I'm just like, there's cameras on me.

02:36:11.000 What happens if he hits me?

02:36:12.000 I'm just going to have to sit here. 0.97

02:36:12.000 So you thought he was a real maniac. 0.97

02:36:14.000 Oh, I thought he was insane. 0.96

02:36:15.000 Oh, he's so funny.

02:36:16.000 When you see him do stand-up, you get it.

02:36:19.000 And then when people become a fan of his, because he's got a huge following now because he killed Tony, and then when you go see him live, like the Black Keys came and they did my podcast and they were going to come to the club afterwards and they said, dude, can William Montgomery come?

02:36:32.000 Is he going to be on stage?

02:36:33.000 I go, I'll make sure he's there.

02:36:33.000 I'll call him up.

02:36:34.000 So he wasn't even scheduled to be on the show.

02:36:36.000 I called him, I go, William!

02:36:37.000 Black Keys want to see you. 1.00

02:36:38.000 So he went up there with full confidence in front of a crowd who knew who he was, and he fucking murders. 0.99

02:36:45.000 But I used to see him years ago, and people just didn't know what to make of him. 0.99

02:36:49.000 He was just starting out, and he was so crazy. 0.73

02:36:52.000 He seemed so unhinged.

02:36:54.000 But then offstage, like, super nice guy.

02:36:56.000 Like, hey, man, yeah.

02:36:57.000 Did you meet him offstage?

02:36:57.000 Yeah, he came over.

02:36:59.000 Hey, nice to meet ya. 0.99

02:36:59.000 And I was like, are you fucking with me right now? 0.99

02:37:01.000 Because I go, you're screaming at me in there and now you're like the nicest person. 0.99

02:37:05.000 He's a sweetheart.

02:37:06.000 Super, super, super nice guy.

02:37:07.000 Yeah, he seemed to be nice.

02:37:08.000 But that's the kind of guy that has to find his audience.

02:37:11.000 Yeah, and you mentioned Hedberg.

02:37:12.000 I mean, you watched the old clips? 1.00

02:37:14.000 He used to eat shit, man. 1.00

02:37:16.000 He ate shit a lot. 1.00

02:37:17.000 There was a famous story about a club that booked him and the guy before him It was like this really high-energy guy. 1.00

02:37:24.000 I think the guy actually did like a backflip on stage like something nutty like to close his set out and like super high energy that was the middle act and it was like a lot of hack bullshit and then Hedberg went on after him it was bombing and so he got fucked over like they gave him the middle pay even though he's headlining and they made the other guy headline and He's like,

02:37:44.000 I got a contract. 1.00

02:37:45.000 They're like, fuck you, you bombed. 1.00

02:37:47.000 It was like a big, it was like a war with other comedians. 1.00

02:37:50.000 Stan Hope chimed in. 0.99

02:37:51.000 It was like a lot of shit going on. 0.99

02:37:53.000 But that was a guy that once he found, once people knew who, they would go to see him and he would murder. 1.00

02:38:00.000 Yeah.

02:38:01.000 All non sequiturs, which always killed me.

02:38:04.000 Yeah.

02:38:04.000 It's like, I was like, how does he even remember all of them?

02:38:06.000 No shit. 0.99

02:38:07.000 I started in Minneapolis. 1.00

02:38:08.000 Turned out heroin.

02:38:09.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.98

02:38:09.000 It's fucking really good at helping you remember everything, I guess. 0.98

02:38:12.000 I started in Minneapolis, went to Grand Forks, North Dakota to do audition for this house MC spot. 0.97

02:38:19.000 And Hedberg, it was right after he did Montreal and got his big deal.

02:38:24.000 So I got to watch him the first time he's coming off that deal.

02:38:28.000 Confident, in his prime.

02:38:30.000 I mean, nobody killed harder.

02:38:31.000 He was so good.

02:38:32.000 But he was also so unique and you wanted to see that kind of comedy from him.

02:38:37.000 You know, he put you into this mindset like...

02:38:40.000 Someone asked me if I wanted a frozen banana.

02:38:42.000 I said, no, but I want a regular banana later, so yes.

02:38:47.000 It was just such a weird cadence. 0.85

02:38:51.000 Just such a silly, unique cadence. 0.92

02:38:54.000 Had to find this audience. 0.88

02:38:55.000 Yeah, and you knew when he was in town a couple weeks before you?

02:38:58.000 Because all the young guys in that town would be laughing like him, talking like him a little bit.

02:39:03.000 Oh, yeah.

02:39:04.000 David tells the worst with that.

02:39:06.000 Yeah.

02:39:06.000 People start talking like a towel.

02:39:09.000 It becomes so contagious because he's so good and he's so infectious.

02:39:15.000 It's like whatever he's doing is like you're infected with his cadence, his timing, especially when you're young, when you're starting out.

02:39:24.000 Hedberg got so famous and I was so young and impressionable that we were out eating one time and he has a joke about, you know what my friend said?

02:39:33.000 You know what I like?

02:39:34.000 Mashed potatoes.

02:39:35.000 Come on, man.

02:39:35.000 You got to give me time to guess.

02:39:37.000 That was a joke.

02:39:38.000 And I was the mashed potatoes guy. 1.00

02:39:40.000 And I used it as a fucking intro. 0.99

02:39:44.000 Because everybody knew who Hedberg was. 0.98

02:39:45.000 So when I didn't have any credits, I was like, hey, I'm part of his act.

02:39:49.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:39:51.000 That's hilarious.

02:39:52.000 That's you.

02:39:52.000 That's funny.

02:39:54.000 Yeah.

02:39:55.000 He's another one we lost.

02:39:56.000 Yep.

02:39:58.000 That's been a long time, too.

02:39:59.000 It doesn't even seem like it.

02:40:00.000 That's the one thing about losing comics, is you can see them still online.

02:40:04.000 You can watch them and all this shit, so they're kind of there forever.

02:40:06.000 I see Norm clips every day. 0.98

02:40:08.000 Yeah.

02:40:08.000 Every day.

02:40:09.000 Some new funny Norm clip.

02:40:11.000 Yeah.

02:40:12.000 I just saw a Norm clip when he was on SNL about Madonna having a baby. 0.99

02:40:16.000 And he goes, Madonna just had a baby, seven pounds, six ounces, which makes it the fourth largest object to pass through her vagina. 1.00

02:40:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:40:27.000 He was just fucking fearless, man. 0.98

02:40:30.000 Yeah, he was a wild fella. 0.99

02:40:31.000 He was a wild fella.

02:40:33.000 Such a fun guy.

02:40:35.000 Yeah.

02:40:36.000 And the way he died was pretty gangster.

02:40:38.000 Had cancer, didn't tell anybody.

02:40:39.000 Yep. 0.99

02:40:40.000 Just went up to Canada to die. 1.00

02:40:41.000 Yep. 0.99

02:40:41.000 So, yeah. 0.99

02:40:42.000 Yeah, going into the woods.

02:40:43.000 Didn't tell anybody.

02:40:45.000 It was just crazy.

02:40:46.000 Even his best friends.

02:40:47.000 Like, I'm friends with his literal best friend.

02:40:50.000 Didn't know.

02:40:50.000 Didn't know until it was over.

02:40:52.000 Yep.

02:40:52.000 They were making plans.

02:40:54.000 Making plans to do stuff.

02:40:55.000 Yeah.

02:40:57.000 Well, I suppose he didn't know how long, probably.

02:40:59.000 I guess.

02:40:59.000 Yeah.

02:41:01.000 I believe he had pancreatic cancer, which is a really, really rough one.

02:41:05.000 Is that the one he had?

02:41:05.000 I have no idea.

02:41:07.000 It kills a lot of people.

02:41:09.000 I think they just found something with a protein that causes it.

02:41:12.000 So they're talking like it's the big killer.

02:41:16.000 And so they're talking maybe they figured one of them out.

02:41:19.000 Yeah, I saw that.

02:41:19.000 I hope that's true.

02:41:21.000 Leukemia.

02:41:22.000 Oh, it was Hicks.

02:41:23.000 Hicks had pancreatic cancer.

02:41:25.000 Yeah.

02:41:26.000 That's a rough one.

02:41:28.000 Yeah.

02:41:29.000 He's another one.

02:41:30.000 Imagine if that guy was still alive.

02:41:31.000 I mean, he died.

02:41:32.000 He's like 35. Something like that.

02:41:34.000 He was young.

02:41:34.000 Yeah.

02:41:35.000 And he had such a body of work.

02:41:37.000 I don't even think he was 35. And you go see...

02:41:39.000 And now I'm thinking about it.

02:41:40.000 I think Hicks was like 32 or 33 when he died.

02:41:43.000 That's unbelievable.

02:41:44.000 I think about what I was doing when I was 32. 32. Good God.

02:41:47.000 Nuts.

02:41:48.000 Nuts.

02:41:49.000 And it changed everybody's comedy.

02:41:51.000 Everybody's like, Jesus.

02:41:52.000 They all wanted to be like Hicks.

02:41:53.000 So much so that the back green room of the Punchline Atlanta, Georgia, somebody wrote in the green room, quit trying to be Hicks.

02:42:01.000 It's like, every time I'd go there, like, yes.

02:42:04.000 So many people wanted to be like him.

02:42:06.000 Even Richard Jenny said that to me.

02:42:08.000 He saw him and he said, every time I see him, I'm like, God, I should be doing more stuff like that.

02:42:13.000 It was so profound for the time.

02:42:16.000 To have a guy talking like that, the way he's explaining things as well as making them funny, it was so different.

02:42:22.000 But if you're Richard Jenney and you want to be in movies, being Bill Hicks isn't the way to get there.

02:42:27.000 Nah.

02:42:27.000 You know, it's just that thing that hits you when you watch someone.

02:42:30.000 You're like, fuck. 0.99

02:42:31.000 You know, that feeling like, God, I want to be doing that kind of stuff. 1.00

02:42:34.000 But he wasn't that guy. 0.79

02:42:36.000 He was just a silly joke after joke after joke guy, which was amazing. 0.85

02:42:41.000 But for whatever reason, we put so much weight on profundity. 0.93

02:42:46.000 Well, yeah, people that are making a point, socially relevant.

02:42:48.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

02:42:49.000 You know, you think, I don't want to tell these fucking stories anymore. 0.99

02:42:52.000 Right. 0.98

02:42:52.000 Especially if you can do it, you can make a point, and it's very funny. 0.98

02:42:56.000 Yeah.

02:42:57.000 It's an undeniable...

02:42:58.000 Burr's great at that.

02:42:59.000 Makes an undeniable point that's very funny.

02:43:02.000 Oh.

02:43:02.000 Yeah, that's the fun part.

02:43:04.000 Trying to figure it out.

02:43:05.000 Yeah, the fun part.

02:43:08.000 Well, listen, man, it's been great to get to know you, talk to you.

02:43:10.000 Well, thanks for having me in.

02:43:11.000 My pleasure.

02:43:12.000 I appreciate it.

02:43:12.000 It's a lot of fun.

02:43:13.000 Tell everybody where they can get a hold of you, your social media, website, everything you got coming up.

02:43:17.000 Social media is ThatChadDaniels on most spots, and then ChadDaniels.com for tour dates, and then special on Netflix called Empty Nester.

02:43:28.000 Beautiful.

02:43:29.000 Check it out.

02:43:29.000 It's out now.

02:43:30.000 It's out today while we're recording.

02:43:32.000 Oh, Beautiful.

02:43:32.000 Beautiful.

02:43:33.000 You want to come down to the club tonight?

02:43:35.000 Do a set?

02:43:35.000 I would love to.

02:43:36.000 All right, let's go.

02:43:36.000 Okay, cool.

02:43:37.000 Let's go.

02:43:37.000 All right.

02:43:38.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - July 17, 2024

Joe Rogan Experience #2176 - Chad Daniels

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