Comedian Joe Rogan stopped by the comedy club The Alamo Draft House in San Francisco to do a stand-up set and talk about what it's like to be a comedian on the road. He also talks about how he almost got into a car accident on the way to the gig and how he managed to get back to his hotel before it was all over. Joe also tells the story of how he accidentally got lost in the middle of the night on a road trip with his then-fiancee and ended up getting into a fight with a woman who was driving him home from the gig. And he talks about the time he almost killed a woman in a car crash on the street in front of a strip club. It's a good one, and it's a funny one. Cheers, sir. Cheers. Check it out! The Joe Rogans Experience is a podcast by day, a comedy club by night, all day. All day, all night. Enjoy, Cheers! -Joe Rogan Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Cover art by Ian Dorsch. Artwork by Jeff Kaale. Thank you for listening to this episode of the podcast. Please rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast, and spread the word to your friends about this podcast. and/or share it on your socials! If you like it, share it with a friend, and/tweet us on your friends and tell us what you think about it on Insta or tell a friend about it! or tell us about it's awesomeness! and what a good time you're listening to it on it's funny, we'll be hearing it on the pod? <3 - Thank you! :) -Jon Sorrentino. -Tune in next week! --Jon Soriano Jon Soriano, -J.J. & Ben Bergman and Ben Bergstrom @ . Thanks, Jon Mccartell & Ben Merts Ben Maffez And we'll send you a review of this episode on this episode! Jon & Ben Jansen Tom Mertz Jake McElmore John Rocha
00:00:41.000I mean, it's one of those things like you create something with this intention and you kind of hope that it'll work out good, but that place almost sort of made itself.
00:02:26.000It hurt me as a young comic because Joe List would always shit on me because we did a road gig, I want to say almost 15 years ago together, where I got us the gig, it was co-headlining, But it was a casino run and the thing was like, you have to split the driving.
00:02:40.000It was like 30 hours of driving total.
00:02:42.000So he's like, can you split the driving with me?
00:06:16.000I think the second time I did my own tour bus, so I was really pumped to be on the road and I saw that and I was like, I'm a piece of shit.
00:08:18.000Assassinations, it looks just like that.
00:08:20.000And when they organize assassinations, one of the things they like to do is have some fucking loser kill the president, and then they kill the fucking loser, and...
00:09:49.000I mean, that's that's how they he had a rangefinder Okay, so the kid was walking around the the whole perimeter of the area with a rangefinder which is Instantaneously if your secret service you see someone the rangefinder walking 150 yards where the president is you tackle that fucking guy and You don't let that guy get on a ladder.
00:11:30.000I mean, if I was the CIA, let's not even say CIA. Let's say if I was some shadowy intelligence agency that did these undercover operations that are a little sketchy.
00:11:48.000If you've got a plan, you want to do something, you get some guy that's basically got nothing going on in life, and then you mentor him, become friends with him.
00:11:56.000Maybe that guy's dad is an alcoholic who beats him.
00:13:25.000Because everybody wants it to be binary, right?
00:13:28.000They want it to be one or zero, yes or no, Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, or he was just a patsy.
00:13:34.000But that guy clearly was also doing something with intelligence agencies, because he was able to go back and forth to Russia, he learned Russian, he married a Russian woman, came back to America, And he was also living very well when he was over there.
00:13:49.000He was spending money that, like, you're not making this on whatever per diem horse shit you're making over there.
00:14:36.000But like if you read, I was reading a Putin book and literally every chapter just ends with a guy, like the light going out in his hallway and getting shot in the face.
00:14:44.000And I'm like, this seems like a pretty fucked up rise to power, you know?
00:14:56.000She's, I think, either on trial or going to prison for saying something anti-military in Russia, which I'm like, alright, maybe, you know what, know your audience.
00:15:28.000But also, how much access to medicine does that guy have?
00:15:32.000I mean, if there's a way to cure something, that guy, they're going to get it to him.
00:15:36.000And you have to think that Russia is not captured by the pharmaceutical industrial complex, so he probably has access to all of the off-book medicines that the FDA won't approve, and they'll try all this stuff that's like...
00:18:46.000You just have to think about it that way, and most people don't.
00:18:49.000But also think about it, it's like a compounded benefit, because you get the benefit of that, but then you also get the mental benefits.
00:18:55.000Like, if I'm not feeling good, if I'm a little out of it in my own head, a good solid workout, I get out of there, I'm like, everything's fine.
00:19:19.000That's what kept us alive for hundreds of thousands of years before we had agriculture and we organized cities and we developed the stockpiles of food where you didn't have to work as hard.
00:19:29.000And then everything just shriveled away.
00:19:31.000I think everybody had to do physical things.
00:19:33.000Especially cities like this, you can just get in a car and just not walk.
00:19:37.000At least in New York, I do find myself like, I walk most places.
00:19:40.000So I'm like, I'm doing something, but it's not enough, but it's something.
00:19:43.000It's better than nothing, but it's definitely not enough.
00:19:46.000No, you got to lift a little bit of weights.
00:20:30.000You know, it's just a thing that people usually concentrate on one aspect or another.
00:20:36.000If they're like really into physical fitness and really into athletic shit and training and sports...
00:20:42.000Generally, they're not as well-read on international politics and environmental issues.
00:20:49.000It's one, or either you're socially conscious, really kind of aware of the world, understand exactly what's going on in Gaza, or you know how much creatine you should take every day.
00:20:59.000You know which branch-chain amino acids are going to produce the best results, and you know what peptides are the best for healing.
00:21:05.000It's like we put things into two different boxes.
00:21:08.000Either you're really into your body, or you're really into your brain.
00:22:54.000But what I love about leaving a bar in the winter and just the cold air hitting your face and your shit face, I'm like, oh, that's just like...
00:23:02.000It's almost like getting slapped by the fucking earth.
00:27:44.000And you're like, there's nothing wrong with that guy.
00:27:46.000His stomach is completely fucked, and it all started from...
00:27:50.000You're not supposed to take antibiotics for a year.
00:27:53.000But all these meatheads are doing jujitsu in this basement in New York City, and everyone's getting staph infections, and they don't want to stop training, so they just keep taking antibiotics and keep training.
00:29:01.000Well, when you find out what most of the world makes in terms of money, you're like, You know the number, like with the 1%, if you're in the top 1% of the world?
00:30:05.000I like even the cities I think I won't like.
00:30:07.000I did a bit of my new special about Springfield, Missouri, and all the feedback I was getting was like, man, it was so nice you talked about our city without shitting on it.
00:30:15.000And I was like, yeah, I had a great time.
00:30:17.000I will have a great time in any city for a night or two.
00:30:19.000Well, I think now in particular, because of the internet, there's more aware, cool, sort of in-tune people everywhere.
00:30:28.000It used to be, like back in the 80s, when you would go do gigs on the road, You're in the middle of bumfuck Ohio.
00:32:03.000Yeah, it's just talking about how fuck these rich monsters are there, like, letting their hair down and getting crazy at this horse race derby with all their nutty hats.
00:32:12.000And, you know, the women have to wear those bizarre hats.
00:32:54.000I had a friend who was driving me, he's a very wealthy friend I have, and he was driving me in a McLaren, and he was showing off in LA, going fast, and I was like, what the fuck are you trying to kill me?
00:33:03.000He's like, dude, we were going 50. But it feels like you're going 150 in those things.
00:33:08.000Especially if someone knows how to drive.
00:34:52.000I just didn't I don't know tennis that well, but I I mean I respect the fuck at any Any sport that, like, you turn on, you're like, this is kind of great to watch.
00:35:41.000But, yeah, no, there's a story about him when he was nine, and his dad is such a fucking grifter that his dad, Jim Brown, the football player, sees him as a kid, and he's just, like, looking for a game for money at this country club, and he's like, let's...
00:35:54.000Let's play someone and everyone says no and Agassi's dad's like he'll play you for money and it's like he's fucking nine you're you're pimping out your kid for money against the best running back maybe ever and he's like no I'm not gonna play your kid for money and he's like I'll bet my house that my kid will beat you and Jim Brown's like I don't need a house how much money you want to play for and his dad goes how about 10 grand it's like they're life savings he's putting this on his son who's nine years old and And,
00:36:19.000you know, then he sees Agassi hit, the dad goes to get the money, and he's like, fuck, this kid's kind of good.
00:36:24.000And he goes, how about I just play you, you know, for fun, and then we'll decide how much.
00:36:30.000Agassi whoops his ass, like 6'3", 6'3", and he goes, I'll play for 500. Agassi whoops his ass, takes him, he's nine!
00:37:01.000If you get pushed that hard, I mean, if you get pushed that hard to be the best of the best as a child, that means you're missing everything else.
00:37:10.000If you want to be the best of the best, there's no way you're going to birthday parties.
00:37:13.000There's no way you're sitting at home and watching cartoons.
00:37:16.000No, you're going to training in the morning.
00:38:57.000So they put him through these LSD studies at Harvard, and part of the studies were humiliation.
00:39:03.000And like to see how he responds to like severe humiliation So they should just scientists like look at this fucking pussy I don't remember what they did like how they did it, but it was like coordinated organized humiliation and just Psychological warfare just to see what kind of response it has in this fragile now We know yeah,
00:39:21.000we know we know so then he goes to Berkeley becomes a professor and Saves up his money just so the woods live in the woods and kill everybody's making technology and Yeah, what a fucking weird guy.
00:39:55.000But in the documentary, his brother talks about, say if he asked a girl on a date and the girl said no, he would just write the most evil, vicious letters to her and harass her.
00:40:05.000He was a crazy person before the LSD studies.
00:40:08.000And then the LSD studies, they just cracked him.
00:40:13.000No, I remember there was a story about him, like, he made, like, a little, like, he used his intellect, he made some kind of, like, firecracker to show off to a girl in high school, and she was, like, freaked out by it.
00:40:24.000And I'm like, holy shit, what a defining moment for a guy who becomes pure evil and uses explosives.
00:41:40.000Oh, he fell from the window of his Manhattan hotel room in 1953, died on the sidewalk in his undershirt and shorts at about 2 a.m., The official verdict was suicide, but a second autopsy raised questions, although not proof of a possible homicide.
00:41:53.000Olsen's family and many others have been searching for answers in a hall of mirrors.
00:41:57.000Dude, I had a woman jumped out the window in front of me once, splat, like 10 feet in front of me in Manhattan.
00:43:27.000But I remember I called my friend's mom, who was like a major narcissist after this, and I just wanted to talk to someone because my parents weren't home.
00:43:35.000And I was like trying to tell him, and the mom just like picked up the phone and talked about herself for like 20 minutes straight.
00:44:08.000That's a very specific kind of person.
00:44:12.000You know, it's hard to make a real, a total narcissist like your friend's mom, who you just tell them about someone jumping off of a fucking roof in front of you and almost killing you and splattering in front of you, and they don't even care?
00:44:23.000I think she just didn't know what to say.
00:44:26.000I don't think it was malicious, the way she's like, oh, I'm sorry.
00:44:29.000I don't think she meant bad, but I think she just wasn't equipped to give me anything.
00:44:34.000Some people aren't equipped to have real conversations.
00:44:40.000But if you find someone who's really fucked up, like if you were a part of a secret program, you would probably kind of want to be going to visit schools to see if you could find someone who's on the edge.
00:45:05.000Let's just say, if you wanted to set up a scenario, we're gonna have someone assassinate the president.
00:45:10.000You get some guy whose life is a fucking complete and total disaster.
00:45:14.000You either hypnotize him, or you mentor him, you give him psychiatric drugs, you do a bunch of things, you get him to do it, and you know that once he gets on top of that roof and shoots the president, everyone's gonna shoot him.
00:46:06.000The country, like, I believe, and I, part of being maybe an entertainer is like, I get to see a unified crowd.
00:46:14.000That's part of the beauty of being able to tour as a comic is like, I get to see a room of people laughing together and I always hate when comics are like going out of their way to divide a room.
00:47:10.000There should not be a place for assassinating people.
00:47:13.000There also should be no place for you using so much hyperbolic statements that you're saying that your opponent, if they win, it's the death of democracy.
00:47:23.000Because they kept saying that over and over again.
00:49:24.000No, it says, well, it's hard to say what he's saying there, because it could be saying the son was missing with his rifle, but it could be saying the son was missing with his son's rifle.
00:50:53.000Well, certain people have certain genetic, like, people are different, right?
00:50:58.000Like, there's certain people where certain genes impact them differently.
00:51:03.000Like, for instance, the reason why some black people get sickle cell anemia is because their family has a history, their ancestors have a history Of protection against malaria.
00:51:15.000So because they've survived malaria, somehow or another that gene manifests itself in sickle cell anemia, right?
00:51:23.000And like people from certain parts of the world have genes that are more associated with alcoholism or have genes that are more associated with certain...
00:51:31.000So if they could find like a particular vulnerability that you may have or that certain races may have even, you can create a bioweapon specifically, and this is all theoretical of course, but specifically to target an individual person.
00:51:48.000But don't they kind of already know if that's your tendency, what race you are?
00:52:06.000But for the biological thing, I think it's like...
00:52:10.000There's very specific things like you're different than me and and I'm different than Jamie and there could be a Certain biological weapon that only targets Jamie's DNA and they can use it on him See if they could find out whatever the fuck that is now Because they're they're talking about this in terms of like the vulnerability of selling our entire DNA database Because apparently if you signed up for one of those,
00:52:37.000it's either DNA.com or Ancestry.com or 23andMe.
00:52:41.000One of those sold their whole database.
00:52:45.000By the way, you get the alerts where they're like, we found another family member for you.
00:53:09.000But then sometimes you feel like you're talking to a chick who just knows your astrological sign, and I'm just dumb, and I'm like, yeah, I guess I am.
00:53:14.000But there's certain things like- I guess I am cheerful.
00:53:22.000Some people don't like- What does it say, Jim?
00:53:23.000It's potentially hypothetical, but this is what people inside the government have said about it.
00:53:27.000That's what it is, where you can actually take someone's DNA, their medical profile, and you can target a biological weapon that will kill that person, or take them off the battlefield and make them inoperable.
00:53:39.000You can't have a discussion about this without talking about the privacy and commercial data and the protection of commercial data because expectations of privacy have degraded over the last 20 years.
00:53:48.000People will rapidly spit into a cup and send it to 23andMe and get really interesting data about their background and guess what?
00:53:55.000Their DNA is now owned by a private company.
00:53:57.000It can be sold off with very little intellectual property protection or privacy protection and we don't have legal and regulatory regimes that deal with that.
00:54:06.000The data is actually going to be procured and collected by our adversaries for the development of these systems.
00:58:53.000When he was going under for a big operation, he was like, fuck, I might not make it, and if I don't have my mind, I don't want to be alive.
00:59:34.000You remember the scene with, I think about the scene because it's been ripped off so much, but when they're getting, it's like Burt Young is so funny in that movie too, but when they're getting drunk at the bar, it's like young Robert Downey Jr. who's like hilarious in it too, and they're bringing them pictures, bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until someone passes out,
01:00:58.000He'd go on stage balls-ass naked with a bathrobe on and slippers and just murder.
01:01:04.000So he went through this phase of his career towards the end where he would go on stage in a bathrobe and he's just balls naked with a bathrobe on.
01:02:30.000I'm still a pro I met him at the laugh factory like many many years later after I'd seen him when I was a you know security guard I was a just Just moved to Hollywood like 94 and he was there and he was still doing like a little bit of stand-up and he showed up and And I met him there with his wife.
01:05:04.000I still remember his intro for Bill Hicks on that special where he goes, This next comic, he's so far ahead of his time, his parents haven't even met yet.
01:06:35.000There's young comics at the cellar, like Maddie Wiener is a fucking killer.
01:06:38.000Like, she's a young comic who's, you know, there's like Ethan Simmons Patterson, Daniel Simonson, they're like young fucking killers at the cellar, and you're like, oh fuck, I used to be the guy who would go up and kill, and now I'm like, fuck, I gotta turn over jokes.
01:06:52.000And then they're going to become like, you know, it's all good for the culture, you know?
01:06:57.000It's good for the culture and it's good for us.
01:06:59.000It's good for you selfishly to be generous because those people that are coming up, the better they do, the more it's going to fuel you and you're going to do better.
01:12:14.000The hazing is probably good because it weeds out the people that aren't going to have the gumption to push forward and get through bad sets.
01:12:40.000So it's just like there's an adversarial relationship.
01:12:43.000You feel like they're fucking you on the money or they're lying about it being sold out or whatever it is where you're not getting what you deserve.
01:12:51.000Once you become undeniable, then they have to pay you, right?
01:12:54.000But The thing is, it's like there's a separation between the people that do it and the business, and that's where all the friction comes from.
01:13:03.000In my club, there's no separation from the people that do it and the business, because the people that do it own it.
01:14:16.000That's because the people that own that business aren't comedians.
01:14:18.000But it's funny that that's the best way to make a business, is to make a business where you just do it the best way to express the art form.
01:15:16.000This is something I always talk about with, like, Gaffigan, you know, all those, like, New York guys would be like, you gotta tour, you gotta...
01:18:18.000But then when you're struggling a little bit, you're like, this is fucking, this is comedy.
01:18:22.000Yeah, and then when you struggle, and then you come up with a new punchline, a new tagline, I just added a new tag to one of my bits that makes me laugh, and it just came out of the blue.
01:22:24.000I remember Jamie Kilstein went after me for a fucking rape joke in like 2013. I had a fucking rape joke that like I got torn to shreds for by these like fake, you know, feminist things.
01:25:14.000But it just shows you the disingenuous approach of things, and also that the people that are involved in this sort of attacking people, they're not enlightened, for lack of a better term, not saying that I am.
01:25:23.000But their level of compassion is not for everybody.
01:25:29.000It's only for people that agree with them.
01:26:06.000I think it's for the most part over, and I think we're mostly laughing about it now.
01:26:09.000But now you see it with the Tenacious D guy, and now it's predominantly the left that goes after people, but now it's kind of, this was the right, where they're celebrating the Kyle Gass thing.
01:26:20.000I'm like, hey man, it's either all okay or none of it.
01:26:23.000It's the South Park guys, either all okay or none's okay.
01:26:25.000The guy said something on stage because he's signaling to all his liberal followers and he's trying to be cool.
01:26:32.000And he probably had no idea that that was going to get out to the rest of the world.
01:26:35.000He thought he was just saying it to his crowd.
01:26:37.000And he didn't understand because he's like 60 years old.
01:28:41.000I was like, I want to see you do more comedy, dude.
01:28:42.000I know you want to do your own stunts and you're like, fuck, you have a death wish and it's badass and stuff, but I want to see Tom Cruise in a comedy.
01:30:29.000I just wrote him an email being like, man, I miss shows like this and I miss the representation of New York and I love how you make New York disgusting and ugly but also kind of beautiful and a mess and against you at all times.
01:30:45.000There's a scene in that show where he...
01:30:49.000You know what I'm talking about with the flight?
01:30:50.000He misses the flight, and the woman's just typing in.
01:30:53.000He's like, what happened to the flight?
01:32:37.000He gave me a great tag once about King Kong's wife giving him shit.
01:32:41.000I had a joke where I said, it's a joke that I did in the joke, in the movie The Joker, I say, I did a million jokes for that movie, and this is the one they used, but I said, you know, men and women look at sex differently.
01:32:53.000Men look at it like, women look at sex like buying a car.
01:32:57.000You're like, can I see myself in this long term?
01:33:08.000And Louie goes, you should add, uh, handicapped, hope no one sees this.
01:33:13.000I had a handicapped line, but his, hope no one sees this hit harder, and I was like, there we go.
01:33:19.000It just worked, hope no one sees this is so much more fucked up and funny.
01:33:23.000I had a handicapped line, but it worked, but this one then killed, and I was like, he's good.
01:33:28.000And I never, I don't really normally take tags, but when it's Louie, you're kind of like, let me try it, and then it was too good to not tell.
01:33:54.000It's always great when you find those, too.
01:33:56.000When you've got the beginning of a joke, and it's kind of doing okay in the early days of the joke, you just start trotting it out, you're fucking with it and working, and you're like, God, there's something there.
01:34:04.000And then you find the next thing, and boom, you open up a new door.
01:34:06.000Now you have a whole new door that is attached to the premise that has a bunch of new angles you can take.
01:35:01.000Once you think you're awesome, you're fucking done.
01:35:05.000I had a set once where I switched the order of things on the spot for some strange reason.
01:35:12.000I decided to try it this way, and it worked great.
01:35:15.000But I realized as I was into the set that I missed a giant part of one of the bits because I switched it around and it didn't fit anymore and I couldn't add it anywhere else.
01:36:12.000You've got to get them to trust the way you think about things.
01:36:15.000So I love late night sets still, even though they're like so, I mean, but I like, not even that many comics do them anymore, but when you watch an old one and you're like, oh, a guy had, you had to open on this joke for a reason.
01:36:24.000Like, there's this comic in New York, Nick Griffin, who's like, he was like the master of the Letterman sets, I thought.
01:36:28.000His Letterman's, they're like 11 Letterman's, they're all flawless, you know?
01:37:11.000And starting off with a great joke is so important for opening acts.
01:37:15.000I always tell that for guys on the road, like if they've never done a big theater before and they're coming with me, I'm like, listen, go out there, say hi to them, don't rush.
01:39:32.000When you see them coming, you know, I came home from the comedy store and it was like one o'clock in the morning and me and my wife were looking out the window at the fire coming over the hill.
01:40:52.000Those fucking people, they don't get nearly the credit that they deserve.
01:40:55.000So I was talking to this guy and he was telling me, he goes, dude, one day, he goes, it's just going to be the right wind and fire's going to start in the right place and it's going to burn through LA all the way to the ocean and there's not a fucking thing we can do about it.
01:41:14.000He goes, but if the wind hits the wrong way, it's just going to burn straight through LA and there's not going to be a thing we can do about it.
01:41:22.000You're talking about like thousands of acres that are burning simultaneously with like 40 mile an hour winds.
01:41:28.000And the wind's just blowing embers through the air, and those embers are landing on roofs, and those houses are going up, and they're landing on bushes, and those bushes are going up, and everything's dry.
01:41:38.000And once it happens, it happens in a way where it's so spread out that there's nothing they can do.
01:41:48.000It's fucking weird dude one of the worst I ever bombed ever in my career and I wasn't that good at the time either So it was easy to make me bomb but I was I had done one of those NACA one of those college things was a bad and I got I did well at the thing and I got a bunch of gigs and so I was really funny at the NACA show I killed and so I got this gig and I was headlining and JB smooth was opening and It was this weird gig in New Jersey and
01:42:18.000it was in the middle of nowhere and this is back way before Navigation so you would get a piece of paper They would say take the 405 to this take a right here go down to the you know So you have to really follow the directions and it was complicated and I remember I left real early and I still it took a long time to get there and I finally found the place and I was there but JB smooth was not there and the show was supposed to start like 20 minutes and And so I said,
01:42:51.000So I sat down and I started watching TV and there's a show on about the Malibu fires.
01:42:56.000And it is the most fucking depressing thing I've ever seen in my life.
01:43:00.000This guy who was a fireman, I think his house was actually saved, the guy that was crying.
01:43:06.000He was just weeping because his whole life he had invested and saved money to make this house and built this house and his house survived but his neighbor's house is fucked.
01:43:19.000It's so random which houses get burnt and which houses didn't.
01:43:22.000And then there was this kid who was calling for his dog So these kids walk into the street like, Rusty, where are you, Rusty?
01:43:41.000And then they come in the room and they're still like, JB is not going to be here in time, so we're just going to have you go up first, and then if he gets here, he'll go on after you.
01:46:42.000Who's getting paid $500 for one of those things?
01:46:44.000I'm just saying, so if you have, my point was, if you have $10 million in the bank, like some people I know that do these fucking things, and you get tortured for $10,000.
01:46:53.000Like Tony just did one, he got tortured for $10,000.
01:46:55.000He goes, it was the worst thing I've ever done in my life.
01:48:14.000Oh, so you're gonna do this and think you're, like, there's, like, this type of, like, liberal elitism where it's, like, there's two types of, like, older liberals.
01:48:21.000There's, like, the type that, like, is, like, an old hippie and is, like, oh, man, that was cool, you did that shit.
01:48:26.000And then there's types that look at you like...
01:49:28.000Sometimes you can just smile at the fun of the joke, but I guess I think of those crowds, and you think of those crowds, and you're like, not only do you think I'm shit, you think you're better than me, and I feel it, and that's a bummer.
01:49:40.000Well, that position of being that guy in the suit with the fucking makeup on in front of the camera speaking the truth, that's an intoxicating power position.
01:49:52.000Well, I mean, I don't know, but it must feel alright.
01:49:53.000It's an intoxicating power position for those people.
01:49:57.000They want to be that guy that is the center of the news show, and all the people are waiting for them to talk, and there's all the cameramen, and they're all pointed at him, makes him super important.
01:50:08.000There's people behind the scenes with clipboards, they're all looking at him.
01:52:09.000It wasn't that bad, but Al Sharpton was laughing?
01:52:11.000Yeah, because I told him, I was like, I bet you're a Samurl fan, just, like, playfully, and he was like, I bet I could be, yeah, and then I was like, you know, I brought up the thing about, like, uh...
01:52:22.000No, when Justin Bieber went to Anne Frank's house and in the sign-in book wrote, I think she would have been a Belieber.
01:52:27.000I'm like, that's how I feel about you and me.
01:54:11.000The last one that had me was in Salt Lake City, Utah, and they were like, they knew I'd do this, so the guy came in the green room and was like fucking with me.
01:54:20.000I'm in the green room with my friend Gary Veeder.
01:54:21.000I made him come with me because I'm like, I can't do this.
01:55:10.000But then, of course, after the segment, I'm leaving, and I'm trying to get out of there with Gary, but all the crew is stopping me, and they're grabbing me.
01:55:16.000They're trying to take selfies because they're like, we all hate him.
01:56:18.000But you need to know that those people exist and that there's a bubble and those people exist in a bubble and they all think they're right and they clap and no one disagrees with them.
01:57:30.000It was like one-on-one you do like 60 seconds or 60 seconds and I was in the finals I think I lost to Dan Soder in the championship, which is like I was happy to I love Dan So I was kind of like it's kind of fun to even be in the finals with Dan But no one was hanging with us and he's like He said something.
01:58:22.000And so we're talking about cigarettes and we get off the plane and he immediately runs into one of the shops and grabs a pack of cigarettes.
01:58:31.000And he's lighting it before he gets out the door.
01:58:35.000Out the door, he's like, I go, I thought you quit circus.
01:59:08.000And, you know, you see so many videos of him online now.
01:59:11.000Like, anytime anything comes up, there's always a Norm joke.
01:59:14.000And you kind of forget that he's dead, you know, because he's so funny.
01:59:18.000It's weird that it's like giving him a second life.
01:59:22.000Kind of in a weird way because I think it's really unfortunate some of these guys who are brilliant like they don't get their due until obviously was huge and he was a weekend update guy did so much great stuff and movies and all that stuff but not what he deserved not what he deserved and I felt the same way about Greg Giraldo and about like Patrice I think a lot of those guys kind of didn't get the love they deserved I feel like if Patrice survived,
01:59:46.000he would be the number one podcaster in the world.
02:01:16.000Just a few years back, I want to say five, six years ago at the improv, same thing.
02:01:21.000He was starting to do stand-up again, had the camera out on stage fucking around, and that's how he would take a bit and then put words to it and pump it up and change it, but he would come up with the initial premise out of nothing.
02:02:05.000You get a sitcom and that's what everybody wanted.
02:02:07.000So even if you don't really necessarily think that's the best thing for you, like you know you can make money doing stand-up and traveling and doing the road, Those guys get tired.
02:02:15.000They don't want to do the road anymore.
02:02:53.000Well, I remember when I was on a sitcom and I heard someone was doing the improv in Irvine and they did the whole week and they made 25 grand.
02:04:12.000I was like conspiracy theorists and you know all that stupid shit, but I love when they write that shit in Yeah, well that show was really good at that They were also really good at letting people improvise like Dave Foley was like a secret producer of that show because he would rewrite entire scenes Wow like we would get the script and then we would do our we would do a run-through right so the way sitcom works is You get a script,
02:04:36.000you do a table read, and then after you get the table read, Tom Saronis, who is the director and the cast, we would all go, okay, let's put it on its legs.
02:04:44.000And so we would start the scene, and then, you know, Dave would a lot of times go, Why is Andy coming in this way?
02:04:52.000Why don't we have Andy hiding under his desk?
02:04:55.000Because we're not supposed to be talking about him.
02:04:57.000Or he's not supposed to know we're talking about him.
02:07:35.000I was pumped for the Jets when they got him, and I saw him at a Knicks game, and I was kind of like, ooh, Aaron, like, it's cool he's in the building.
02:10:30.000How fucking gross was it watching Congress spend, like, 15 days on baseball the same year as Hurricane Katrina just because you want to shake hands with Raphael Palmeiro, you fucking fanboys?
02:10:41.000Yeah, also, like, who cares if they do steroids?
02:10:43.000Like, why is Congress involved in this when we're in international conflicts?
02:10:46.000It was the crazy—because they love baseball.
02:11:36.000He was like, I'm gonna drink, I'm gonna eat like shit, I'm gonna gamble, I'm gonna fuck a million women, and I'm gonna be the best player in the game.
02:11:44.000But not just the best player in the game, the best player the game has ever seen at this point, like, by a mile.
02:11:49.000He's hitting 60 homers a year, batting like 370, and he's just living like a fucking animal.
02:13:46.000Ted Williams decorated fighter pilot because in his prime, Ted Williams has to go and he's like killing dudes in the war because he's like one of the best in the Air Force.
02:13:54.000And meanwhile, DiMaggio is doing like, he's doing like exhibition games, but he still lost his prime because like we're at war and that's what you did back then.
02:14:01.000But, like, Ted Williams had, like, 20-10 vision, so he's fucking a beast.
02:14:46.000Isn't it funny that we look at him now as like, I wish our president was like that.
02:14:51.000Meanwhile, back then, he was like this embarrassment.
02:14:53.000I always said that once you start painting, shit's gone off the rails.
02:14:57.000Well, when it's over and you start painting, you're just trying to get away the horrible memories of all the people that died unnecessarily because of your decisions.
02:15:04.000I mean, if you're George W., and you're sitting around your ranch in Texas, and no one's around, you're sitting there sipping sweet tea, thinking about a million dead Iraqis for some bullshit weapons of mass destruction that didn't even exist.
02:16:47.000Social media and people's ability to constantly berate other people and constantly engage in these squabbles online and try to get people and post bad things.
02:18:00.000So he was way better at show business.
02:18:03.000Because politics is basically a popularity contest.
02:18:06.000That was the first guy that was an actual popular person that entered into the popularity contest and actually knew how to manipulate the media.
02:18:14.000And by saying ridiculous shit all the time, whether or not it was on purpose or not, that's what got all these news organizations to start following him, and that just made him more popular.
02:20:58.000Well, that's what they're always trying to scare us about with Trump, that he's gonna do that and start World War III and kill us all.
02:21:03.000But the problem is, This administration looks like they're on the verge of starting us into World War III, and when Trump was in office, that didn't happen.
02:21:12.000And here's the thing that they need to address.
02:21:13.000Everybody keeps saying, he's going to be a dictator, he's going to do that.
02:21:16.000That would be more sellable if we didn't have four years of him actually being the president and doing none of those things.
02:21:23.000I mean, the thing is, hindsight's everything, right?
02:21:25.000Like, you look back, like, people said the same thing about, like, everyone hated Eisenhower, but then you look back and you're like, these weren't bad times, you know?
02:22:15.000When that's your whole thing, the Steele dossier is your whole thing, that was really the undoing of a lot of cable news, I think.
02:22:23.000They thought they could get away with it because they have gotten away with it before, which makes you think, how many of the stories, other than the ones we know about, like the weapons of mass destruction and all the...
02:22:32.000How many of the stories were bullshit?
02:24:40.000Yeah, but most people that, you know, weren't terrified of everything, weren't reading everything that's going on in fucking Sudan and what's going on in Asia, what's going on here and there.
02:24:50.000And now it's like we're being inundated by all of the bad news, because the bad news is the stuff that really gets people captivated.
02:24:56.000So it's all the bad news of the entire world and none of the good news.
02:25:00.000It's like the most distorted version of reality ever.
02:27:21.000Sure, we make fun of people sometimes who are like, these are my pronouns, but isn't it equally kind of annoying with people who lead with their political affiliation?
02:30:39.000That's the evil of like, I think, when they bury, you are, it's a different type of censorship, but you are, you know, It's really weird because Twitter used to be the worst place for that.
02:31:10.000Twitter was the place where the FBI literally, like the whole Twitter files when Elon took over, and they had Matt Taibbi and Michael Schellenberger and all these guys like investigating.
02:31:19.000When they went into it and they were like, oh my god, the government was literally trying to stop legitimate professors at Stanford and people at Harvard and MIT from talking about their area of expertise.
02:31:34.000They were trying to label them as kooks and get them kicked off of Twitter.
02:31:56.000Everyone's changing is my thing but YouTube is like it's kind of shocking like my issue is like they keep moving the goalpost in but there's no guidebook they're not telling any of us what's not okay they're just kind of making up the rules as they go along and they ban people's accounts they don't even tell them why it's kind of your account is violated our terms of service and then that's it and then you have no recourse and you spend a lot of time and money building up these platforms and they're like sorry yep well that's it's pretty fucked up because you know especially now during the election During the election time,
02:32:26.000now they're really clamping down on that.
02:32:29.000And there's a lot of people getting shadow banned, allegedly.
02:32:32.000And then there was a thing that Elon just released where he said that European governments, they were saying that they would be willing to give them money to have certain platforms censor certain political speech.
02:32:45.000And Elon was the only one who said no.
02:33:04.000I see comics now kind of working toward the algorithm and it is bad for entertainment and for art and stuff like that.
02:33:11.000And I get annoyed when comics are just like shocking for the sake of being shocking and lazy, but I don't think they should be fucking silenced.
02:33:17.000They shouldn't be silenced, but you're always going to have people that try things that don't work out, right?
02:33:21.000Especially in an open-ended art form like comedy, where you're the writer, you're the producer, you're the editor, and you're delivering it.
02:34:30.000Isn't that crazy that, like, it's such a beautiful thing that something horrible can go wrong?
02:34:34.000I remember the first time I did your show, I took me three flights to get to a gig that I missed, and I'm like, that's like my opener in my new special, you know?
02:34:41.000It's like this long story, this hell travel day, and I'm like, this sucks, but we're very fortunate to have this outlet for that, you know?
02:34:52.000Yeah, and I think, just me, if I didn't do it, if I never did comedy again, or if I never had done it, I still would love it.
02:34:58.000It's one of my favorite things to watch, because it takes you away.
02:35:02.000It puts you in this place, and it's like a drug.
02:36:52.000There was one time I used to go through the audience to the bathroom at the Comedy Cellar, and three dudes came out at the same time all wearing glasses, and he goes, what is that, a nerd portal?
02:37:02.000To come up with that line off the cuff, I'm like, God, he's fucking good at this.
02:38:09.000But, you know, yeah, he's just like, he's as pure a comic.
02:38:13.000It's like, we're so lucky to have him in New York because he just like, and he's so good to the young comics.
02:38:19.000I see the new, he'll be like, he called me and he was like, oh, I like following this new guy because he's like, he's got good stuff and he's bringing the heat.
02:38:27.000So he's like, you know, he's aware of it.
02:38:29.000Yeah, no, he's a national treasure, like, legitimately.
02:38:34.000And I tell everybody, if you get a chance, like, go to his website if he even has one.