The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2187

00:00:14.000 I'm so happy to be here, buddy.

00:00:17.000 Thanks.

00:00:17.000 I'm happy to have you here.

00:00:18.000 I was excited to see you.

00:00:21.000 We know each other a long time, and I was excited to come to Austin, of course.

00:00:27.000 We were just talking about how Zookeeper was 14 years ago.

00:00:30.000 That's shocking.

00:00:31.000 How?

00:00:33.000 How?

00:00:34.000 I know.

00:00:35.000 I hate that.

00:00:36.000 Time just fucking flies by, man.

00:00:37.000 It's terrible.

00:00:38.000 It's terrible.

00:00:39.000 That was a fun time, though.

00:00:41.000 KJ was so excited.

00:00:43.000 That was very fun.

00:00:44.000 That was very fun.

00:00:46.000 You and KJ was sussy.

00:00:48.000 Yeah.

00:00:49.000 That's how you guys...

00:00:51.000 I've known Kevin for 30-something years.

00:00:54.000 I've known him forever.

00:00:56.000 It's funny because even your stand-up, I watched your stand-up the other night, you guys remind me of each other.

00:01:01.000 There's something, you take your time on stage, you set it up, you say your shit, and you live in it.

00:01:10.000 It's not the same, but you can tell you guys are buddies.

00:01:13.000 There's something about it.

00:01:16.000 Everybody feels like, I would hang out with that guy.

00:01:20.000 It's cool.

00:01:21.000 But did you and KJ start stand-up together?

00:01:24.000 Well, we didn't start together exactly.

00:01:26.000 I started in Boston, he started in New York, but I met him when I was like, I guess, two years in.

00:01:32.000 About two years in.

00:01:33.000 Where?

00:01:34.000 Where did you guys meet?

00:01:35.000 In New York.

00:01:35.000 At the Strip or something?

00:01:37.000 I think we met at Eastside.

00:01:39.000 Eastside?

00:01:40.000 I don't think I did that.

00:01:40.000 That's downtown?

00:01:41.000 No.

00:01:42.000 Eastside Comedy Club was on Long Island.

00:01:44.000 Oh, oh, oh, yeah!

00:01:45.000 That, I used to go there.

00:01:46.000 That was in, like, Huntington?

00:01:48.000 Huntington.

00:01:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:01:49.000 That was a great club.

00:01:50.000 That was Richie Manervini's place.

00:01:52.000 That's right.

00:01:52.000 That's Manervini.

00:01:53.000 Now, that's a funny bastard.

00:01:55.000 Yeah, he's a funny dude.

00:01:56.000 I, first, one of the first comedy clubs I watched, I think I saw Carol Leifer at the Eastside Comedy Club.

00:02:05.000 My sister lived in Huntington.

00:02:07.000 And she said, do you want to go see a, it wasn't my first, but it was like, First couple.

00:02:14.000 She said, do you want to see a comedian?

00:02:16.000 There's a club around here.

00:02:17.000 I said, yeah, yeah.

00:02:18.000 And I sat in the back.

00:02:19.000 I think I might have been like 15 or something.

00:02:23.000 16. And I saw Carol Leifer kill for like an hour, I think.

00:02:29.000 That was exciting.

00:02:30.000 That club was rocking.

00:02:32.000 Yeah, it's gone though, right?

00:02:34.000 Are there good clubs on Long Island now?

00:02:36.000 Like, what's that?

00:02:37.000 Oh, jeez, man.

00:02:38.000 I don't know what's happening.

00:02:38.000 There was always Governors that always existed.

00:02:41.000 Yes.

00:02:42.000 I remember there was a few bars that were comedy clubs that I used to do there.

00:02:48.000 I just don't remember the names right now.

00:02:50.000 But back in the day, when I was young, I would go out to the island.

00:02:53.000 Governors, I don't think I got on there much.

00:02:55.000 Maybe a couple times when I was young.

00:02:57.000 That was kind of a rocking club.

00:02:59.000 Oh, yeah.

00:02:59.000 Steve-O. Do you remember Steve-O? No.

00:03:03.000 I know Steve-O, the jackass guy.

00:03:06.000 No, there was another guy, Steve-O, who was a funny comic.

00:03:09.000 And John Mulroney, you remember Mulroney?

00:03:11.000 Sure, yeah.

00:03:12.000 I remember.

00:03:12.000 He was kind of huge out there.

00:03:15.000 He used to be a cop, right?

00:03:16.000 I think so.

00:03:17.000 Yeah.

00:03:17.000 I think so.

00:03:18.000 He was...

00:03:18.000 I remember Mulroney was by far...

00:03:21.000 Him and Kevin Meany were the two guys you didn't want to go after.

00:03:24.000 I remember Mulroney would just destroy a room.

00:03:28.000 He was so loose and would...

00:03:30.000 Dominate the room and then they bring you up and you're like, oh goodness gracious.

00:03:34.000 I saw Kevin Meany once at Catch a Rising Star in Cambridge.

00:03:40.000 And it was insanity.

00:03:43.000 He was at his peak, absolute peak.

00:03:45.000 I wasn't even thinking about doing comedy then.

00:03:48.000 I was just a comedy fan.

00:03:49.000 I went with a friend of mine from high school.

00:03:51.000 I think we were both like 18. And we went and we saw...

00:03:55.000 Him just fucking destroy for an hour to the point where I got out of there.

00:04:00.000 It was like I had an ab workout.

00:04:01.000 I was in pain.

00:04:02.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:04:03.000 I was like, Jesus Christ.

00:04:04.000 Yes, I know.

00:04:05.000 He was so in the groove.

00:04:07.000 Like, everything he did was funny.

00:04:10.000 Man, and I've never in my life killed as hard as Kevin Maney.

00:04:13.000 I mean, there's nobody who can kill...

00:04:16.000 I remember me and Rock would be on the side at Catch a Rising Star watching Meanie do whatever he did.

00:04:24.000 And you were just like, yeah, I don't think I can get laughs that loud.

00:04:28.000 It fucking blew out the room every time.

00:04:30.000 He was on fire.

00:04:31.000 He was on fire.

00:04:31.000 But it was weird.

00:04:33.000 It's like, it didn't sustain.

00:04:36.000 Later in his career, for whatever reason, it just...

00:04:42.000 Whatever he had for those few years, like in the 80s and the early 90s, it didn't keep going for some strange reason.

00:04:51.000 He kept doing stand-up, but something was missing.

00:04:54.000 I don't know what it was.

00:04:56.000 I know he killed on The Tonight Show with Carson.

00:04:59.000 I'm sure he went and destroyed and did it all.

00:05:01.000 I don't know what he wanted.

00:05:03.000 I don't know what the next thing he wanted.

00:05:05.000 I just remember.

00:05:05.000 Didn't he do a TV show, Uncle Buck?

00:05:07.000 Yeah, but that was not that good.

00:05:11.000 You know, that was the John Candy movie that they turned into a television show.

00:05:15.000 And I think, you know, there was always the thing that he was in the closet and then he came out of the closet and then it was kind of like right before he died.

00:05:22.000 I'll tell you, I did a Boston Club Comedy Connection when I was 17. I ate it.

00:05:29.000 I came off stage.

00:05:30.000 I mean, I bombed and my dad was there watching.

00:05:33.000 It was a terrible feeling.

00:05:34.000 And even the MC, who I don't remember, when I came off stage, after eating it, I'm walking.

00:05:43.000 You know that awful feeling of walking through the crowd and they're all looking at you like, Jesus, dude.

00:05:48.000 And then the fucking MC stopped me.

00:05:51.000 He goes, Adam, Adam!

00:05:52.000 And I turn around, you know, with your head spinning and shit.

00:05:54.000 I look at the guy, he goes...

00:05:56.000 Class clown?

00:05:57.000 And I go, I nod my head like, yes.

00:05:59.000 He goes, maybe stick with that place.

00:06:02.000 Laughing.

00:06:03.000 So I go, okay.

00:06:04.000 You know, I fucking walked off.

00:06:05.000 And then I went into the dressing room because I wanted to hide.

00:06:09.000 And Meanie, funny kid, said some nice shit to me.

00:06:14.000 I always remembered, oh, that came to me.

00:06:16.000 Fucking good dude, man.

00:06:17.000 He was lifting me up.

00:06:19.000 Yeah, some encouragement from a real comedian when you're just starting out can go a long way.

00:06:24.000 Yeah, man.

00:06:25.000 Because in the beginning, it's so shaky.

00:06:27.000 You don't know if it's going to work out.

00:06:28.000 Like, what am I doing?

00:06:29.000 Oh, you go home at night head-spinning.

00:06:32.000 What am I doing to myself?

00:06:33.000 Why am I doing this?

00:06:34.000 Yes, yes.

00:06:35.000 It's fucking insane.

00:06:36.000 It truly is the sickest feeling.

00:06:39.000 And then there's the days or nights you go on stage and you're shit.

00:06:43.000 You're not doing good.

00:06:44.000 You're eating it, but you have a confidence.

00:06:46.000 And you're like, I'm pretty good at this, even though I'm fucking eating it.

00:06:49.000 Right.

00:06:50.000 I feel pretty good right now.

00:06:52.000 You feel like this is, I'm going to figure this out.

00:06:55.000 Right, exactly.

00:06:55.000 I'm going to figure it out.

00:06:56.000 Yeah.

00:06:57.000 Your movies kept my family sane through the beginning of the pandemic.

00:07:01.000 We went on an Adam Sandler run where we watched basically every, the only one we didn't watch is Little Nicky.

00:07:08.000 Yeah.

00:07:09.000 We didn't, for whatever reason, we never got to that one.

00:07:11.000 Because we watched other ones, like, I watched the Zoey, I might have just seen the Zoey ant 20 times.

00:07:16.000 Wow.

00:07:16.000 I fucking love that movie.

00:07:18.000 Thank you, yeah, yeah.

00:07:19.000 Such a funny movie.

00:07:20.000 Why didn't you ever do a second one?

00:07:22.000 That's fucking always talked about it.

00:07:24.000 I mean, dude.

00:07:26.000 It's a no-brainer.

00:07:27.000 It would be a little tough sell now.

00:07:28.000 Right now, right now.

00:07:30.000 We'd have to wait a minute.

00:07:32.000 Put that one on the shelf for a little bit.

00:07:35.000 We had to put that one on the shelf a bunch of times when we were about to do it because shit would go on.

00:07:40.000 We'd be like, maybe it's a tough time to do it right now.

00:07:42.000 And then we just...

00:07:42.000 We got it.

00:07:44.000 We did it.

00:07:45.000 The intention was good to try to say, let's try to get some peace out there.

00:07:49.000 But...

00:07:51.000 And then another part of it is I'll never fucking be in that shape again.

00:07:54.000 I don't think I could ever do that.

00:07:56.000 You can hire a trainer.

00:07:58.000 I know, but I can't stick with it, buddy.

00:08:00.000 You are doing great.

00:08:02.000 How the fuck are you eating so good and hitting it so hard?

00:08:05.000 I'm like, you know, I used to fucking take working out so serious when I was in maybe up to like 25, 26. And now I can't fucking do it.

00:08:15.000 I play hoop.

00:08:17.000 Then I eat, and every time I'm eating, I'm going, what are you doing, man?

00:08:21.000 You don't need to do this.

00:08:23.000 I can't stop.

00:08:24.000 Just got a little bit of thickness all over.

00:08:28.000 Yeah, it's something that's just...

00:08:29.000 You have to stay on the horse.

00:08:33.000 You can't back off at all.

00:08:35.000 Especially as you get older, you back off at all.

00:08:38.000 You just start, what is this?

00:08:39.000 You start feeling this thing.

00:08:40.000 Oh, my God.

00:08:40.000 I know I have a new...

00:08:41.000 What is this?

00:08:42.000 What is this?

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00:10:03.000 Well, you fucking walk in now and I go, Jesus, that'd be fun to look like that.

00:10:07.000 I always fucking wanted to be...

00:10:10.000 I had no shit.

00:10:13.000 When I was 18 to 23, I hit it so hard.

00:10:17.000 I never looked like you.

00:10:18.000 I never was jacked.

00:10:18.000 You looked good during the Zohan.

00:10:20.000 Pretty good.

00:10:21.000 Really good.

00:10:22.000 Pretty fucking good for me.

00:10:23.000 That was as good as I can get.

00:10:25.000 And I naturally had a little something going on when I was real, like the college years, but now it's fucking rough.

00:10:33.000 My kids go, what?

00:10:34.000 My daughter, one daughter, Sadie's always saying, Dad, get the training from the Zohan.

00:10:40.000 Why would you ever give that up?

00:10:41.000 Why did you stop?

00:10:42.000 I was like, ah, it's a lot of work.

00:10:44.000 Yeah, but didn't you like the way you felt?

00:10:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:47.000 Well, you should do that.

00:10:48.000 Get that feeling back and stuff like that.

00:10:50.000 But I just can't jump in there.

00:10:51.000 Well, she sounds like a good coach.

00:10:52.000 She's good.

00:10:53.000 Yeah, she's good motivator.

00:10:55.000 Saying the right stuff.

00:10:57.000 She's right.

00:10:57.000 Everything she says, I have a thought where I don't promise her.

00:11:03.000 I go, let me think about that.

00:11:04.000 That's a good idea.

00:11:05.000 The whole thing is just not overdoing it in the beginning.

00:11:08.000 Starting slow, where it's maintainable, and then slowly build up.

00:11:13.000 That's the key.

00:11:14.000 So you give yourself new goals?

00:11:16.000 Well, I never stop, but I mean, when you get started.

00:11:20.000 Yeah.

00:11:20.000 And the thing is, people try to go too hard, like, oh my god, I'm out of shape.

00:11:23.000 I'm going to run fucking ten miles, and I'm going to lift weights, and I'm going to do...

00:11:27.000 Then you're too tired.

00:11:28.000 And then you're so fucking sore in the morning, like, I can't keep this up.

00:11:31.000 The whole key is just give your body enough where it's pushing it, but it's not exhausted.

00:11:38.000 You're not breaking your body down.

00:11:40.000 You're just strengthening it slowly.

00:11:43.000 You gotta get sick the same way, or you gotta get better the same way you got sick.

00:11:47.000 Right?

00:11:48.000 You got sick over time.

00:11:50.000 Over time, eating food and fucking up.

00:11:52.000 And then you've got to get better that way.

00:11:55.000 Over time, slowly start to morph your body back into a good condition.

00:11:59.000 That's good.

00:12:00.000 I like that.

00:12:01.000 Everybody tries to go too hard.

00:12:02.000 They try to go too crazy.

00:12:03.000 They do something unsustainable.

00:12:04.000 You get excited to get it going again.

00:12:07.000 You get injured.

00:12:08.000 You break yourself down.

00:12:09.000 You hurt your knees.

00:12:10.000 You hurt your back.

00:12:10.000 It's like it's too much.

00:12:11.000 Yes, yes.

00:12:11.000 Tear or something.

00:12:12.000 Yeah, the key is just not do too much.

00:12:14.000 Just do enough and just cut back on you.

00:12:17.000 Say, I'm going to only have two cheat days a week.

00:12:19.000 Two days a week, I'm going to eat whatever the fuck I want.

00:12:21.000 Five days a week, I'm going to eat clean.

00:12:22.000 And then break it down to six days a week, I'm going to eat clean.

00:12:25.000 And one day a week, I'm going to fuck off.

00:12:27.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:12:28.000 If you can go one day a week just fucking off, you can get a lot done.

00:12:31.000 That's amazing.

00:12:32.000 The fuck-off day is from start to finish, you can do whatever the hell you want.

00:12:36.000 Do whatever the fuck you want.

00:12:36.000 One day.

00:12:37.000 And then the other days, the good days, do you eat a breakfast and all that shit?

00:12:43.000 Yeah, sure.

00:12:44.000 Yeah.

00:12:45.000 I skip breakfast lately.

00:12:46.000 That's my new move the last year.

00:12:49.000 Like intermittent fasting?

00:12:50.000 I guess so, but I'm supposed to fucking lock in on eight hours or six hours, and I always...

00:12:56.000 Say I do one to nine, say, then around fucking ten, I go, let me have some grapes.

00:13:03.000 And then I go, I think I'm not supposed to have grapes.

00:13:04.000 And then I go, a few grapes.

00:13:06.000 And then it opens up to some other shit.

00:13:08.000 Grapes aren't the problem.

00:13:11.000 The grapes lead to some bad shit.

00:13:13.000 The grapes lead to waffles.

00:13:14.000 Fucking skinny cow.

00:13:15.000 That's a new thing.

00:13:16.000 Skinny cow ice cream sandwiches in the house started a little problem for me.

00:13:20.000 What are skinny cow?

00:13:21.000 They're supposed to be a little better for you because the calories aren't awful.

00:13:25.000 I think it's like 130. So I go, 130. Usually they're fucking like 330. So then I eat two of them.

00:13:33.000 I go, it's still under that 330. Then I go, if I have a third, it's still under threes.

00:13:38.000 So I eat a third, and then I fucking go, I gotta stop, man.

00:13:42.000 Yeah.

00:13:42.000 If you really want to be serious about taking, just hire somebody.

00:13:45.000 You got money.

00:13:46.000 I got the best guy, the guy who did me for the Zohan, and I love him.

00:13:51.000 It's just, I see him, and I love him so much that I go, let's keep this a friendship.

00:13:57.000 I don't want to.

00:13:58.000 I play so much basketball, though.

00:14:00.000 That keeps me okay.

00:14:02.000 It doesn't want me to take my, I don't want to take my shirt off, but I don't.

00:14:05.000 How often do you play?

00:14:06.000 Maybe.

00:14:08.000 Four or five a week where I get out there and run.

00:14:12.000 That's great.

00:14:12.000 That's pretty good.

00:14:13.000 That's very good.

00:14:15.000 That's a key if you could do something that you really enjoy doing.

00:14:18.000 Yes.

00:14:19.000 Something that keeps you active that you enjoy.

00:14:23.000 That makes it so much easier because you're playing a game.

00:14:26.000 So you're getting fit, but you're in the middle of a game that you really like.

00:14:29.000 Exciting.

00:14:29.000 You don't hate that at all.

00:14:31.000 I think that's the only thing I got.

00:14:34.000 You fight.

00:14:35.000 That's fucking fun, right?

00:14:37.000 Martial arts are fun.

00:14:40.000 KJ always...

00:14:42.000 I never even thought.

00:14:43.000 One time, KJ, we left a hotel.

00:14:46.000 I think he just came from fighting with one of the guys who were teaching him some shit.

00:14:51.000 And he was so riled up from it, he put me in some fucking crazy hole out of nowhere.

00:14:56.000 We were going to dinner.

00:14:58.000 All of a sudden, he came at me.

00:14:59.000 I was like, holy shit.

00:15:00.000 And he fucking grabbed me, twisted me around, had me in some weird hole.

00:15:03.000 I said, oh, okay.

00:15:04.000 He's just letting me know he can destroy me.

00:15:07.000 But...

00:15:09.000 But I remember just going, yeah, that's fucking something I should get into, man.

00:15:13.000 But I just can't.

00:15:13.000 I'm not flexible at all.

00:15:14.000 You're very flexible.

00:15:15.000 Yeah.

00:15:16.000 That helps.

00:15:17.000 Well, I started stretching before I hit puberty.

00:15:19.000 That's the big thing.

00:15:21.000 Or during puberty, really.

00:15:22.000 So it's like while your body's thickening, you're stretching.

00:15:26.000 Keeping it loose.

00:15:27.000 That makes a giant difference.

00:15:28.000 By the way, KJ, being flexible is very odd.

00:15:33.000 He can put the hands on.

00:15:34.000 Yeah.

00:15:34.000 He's fucking weird.

00:15:35.000 He's a very athletic guy.

00:15:37.000 He just eats like a fucking army.

00:15:39.000 He does get excited.

00:15:42.000 I sometimes, when we were young, I'd say, tell me your McDonald's order.

00:15:47.000 And he'd be like, okay, three quarter counters, three Big Macs.

00:15:51.000 Whatever the fuck it was.

00:15:52.000 Oh, he goes hard.

00:15:53.000 His McDonald's order is insane.

00:15:55.000 Kevin, go hard.

00:15:56.000 But he also, when he was on the podcast, he told me he fasted once.

00:15:59.000 For how many days did he fast for?

00:16:01.000 Yes!

00:16:01.000 60-something-er!

00:16:02.000 60. Yeah, some insane amount of days.

00:16:04.000 It was like 40 days or something?

00:16:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:16:06.000 Mania.

00:16:07.000 Something insane.

00:16:07.000 And then I think he ate a sandwich and it really hurt.

00:16:11.000 I'm sure.

00:16:12.000 You're so much probably like, what the fuck is going on?

00:16:14.000 Oh my god!

00:16:15.000 He's a madman with that fasting.

00:16:17.000 Yeah, well he's an intense dude.

00:16:20.000 He's just intense with eating, too.

00:16:22.000 But if you ever watch him hit the mitts, you ever watch him hit pads, he can fucking strike.

00:16:27.000 Yes, I know.

00:16:28.000 It's kind of shocking.

00:16:29.000 People that don't know him, you see him crack mitts and you're like, Jesus Christ.

00:16:34.000 Holy shit, he's fucking legit.

00:16:37.000 And he can roll around good, too.

00:16:39.000 Oh, yeah.

00:16:39.000 When he was getting ready for Here Comes the Boom.

00:16:41.000 Yeah.

00:16:42.000 Like, you know, when he was training with Mark Della Grotte?

00:16:44.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:16:45.000 Goddamn, dude.

00:16:45.000 He was cracking those parts.

00:16:47.000 I know.

00:16:48.000 I know.

00:16:48.000 He did let me know in that one thing he did to me.

00:16:52.000 You know who did that to me, too?

00:16:53.000 Farley.

00:16:54.000 Farley, we were in the hallway at Saturday Night Live out of nowhere.

00:16:58.000 Oh, no!

00:16:58.000 We were at a fucking hotel.

00:17:00.000 And he came at me real fast, grabbed me, put me in some shit.

00:17:05.000 Pulled hard.

00:17:06.000 I felt every part of my body crack.

00:17:08.000 And then Farley laughed.

00:17:10.000 And just like with Kevin, they kind of looked at you like, I could fuck you up if I wanted to.

00:17:15.000 Farley was a big dude, too.

00:17:16.000 He was a big boy.

00:17:17.000 He was like maybe 5'8".

00:17:20.000 But he was like 5'8 wide, too.

00:17:22.000 He was wide.

00:17:23.000 Yeah.

00:17:24.000 Fucking athlete, though.

00:17:25.000 Moved nice.

00:17:25.000 Well, when he moved around on stage, you know, when he moved around on SNL, he was fucking...

00:17:30.000 That was part of the thing, is he was so explosive.

00:17:32.000 Oh, yeah, man.

00:17:33.000 Like, part of the funny in him was this fucking insane!

00:17:36.000 Yes, yes.

00:17:36.000 He had this explosion inside of him that could get out.

00:17:40.000 I only met him once.

00:17:41.000 You did meet him?

00:17:42.000 Yeah, I met him on the set of news radio, and he was in the middle, the throes of addiction.

00:17:47.000 So he was gray like wet cardboard.

00:17:52.000 It was weird.

00:17:53.000 It was weird being around him.

00:17:55.000 He just looked sweaty.

00:17:56.000 He's like, hey, how you doing?

00:17:57.000 I was like, hey, what's up?

00:17:58.000 Was he there to see Phil?

00:17:59.000 He was there to see Andy Dick.

00:18:01.000 He and Andy Dick were hanging out, and I think they were both off the rails.

00:18:04.000 They were having fun.

00:18:04.000 They were having a good time.

00:18:06.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:18:07.000 Fucking, that sucks.

00:18:08.000 I hate it.

00:18:09.000 Well, he was, yeah, it's horrible.

00:18:11.000 That was a good time of life, though, huh?

00:18:12.000 That news radio shit?

00:18:13.000 Oh, yeah.

00:18:14.000 That was a lot of fun.

00:18:15.000 It was Spade and Phil.

00:18:19.000 No, Spade wasn't on that.

00:18:20.000 Spade was on that other show, Just Shoot Me.

00:18:22.000 He was on Just Shoot Me, but I thought he did a couple of things.

00:18:24.000 I think he did.

00:18:25.000 Yeah, he definitely did.

00:18:26.000 But, you know...

00:18:28.000 A lot of people did, you know?

00:18:29.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:18:30.000 Was that your first big thing to lock into?

00:18:34.000 Yeah, that was the first big thing.

00:18:35.000 I did a small sitcom that nobody watched before that called Hardball.

00:18:39.000 Hardball, what was it about?

00:18:41.000 It was a baseball show on Fox.

00:18:43.000 Yeah, I think I remember that.

00:18:43.000 Like five or six episodes.

00:18:45.000 What were you on that?

00:18:46.000 I was a baseball player.

00:18:47.000 Oh, you played baseball?

00:18:48.000 I did in high school.

00:18:50.000 Oh, yeah?

00:18:50.000 A little bit, until I started doing martial arts.

00:18:52.000 Right, right, right.

00:18:52.000 Then I gave up all sports.

00:18:53.000 Gotcha.

00:18:54.000 Gotcha.

00:18:55.000 That's cool, man.

00:18:56.000 Want me to tell you, my martial arts, it's not that big of a deal, but I grew up in Manchester, New Hampshire.

00:19:03.000 And a lot of guys were tough, you know, fought and shit.

00:19:07.000 Fights would happen.

00:19:08.000 And then I had the idea.

00:19:09.000 I drove by downtown.

00:19:11.000 I saw this guy's, I can't remember his name, Mick something.

00:19:14.000 And I fucking saw kickboxing.

00:19:16.000 I was like, let me take kickboxing just in case I can fuck somebody up because it'd be fun to have that secret weapon of kickboxing and, you know, all of a sudden be able to kick someone in the face.

00:19:28.000 That'd be great.

00:19:28.000 And so I talked my buddy into it.

00:19:31.000 Or maybe he talked me into it, but I think, anyways, we both go, and fucking like 15 guys in there from school, already doing it, already advanced, and I was like, all this did was make me realize these guys can kick the shit out of me.

00:19:47.000 I thought guys I could take.

00:19:48.000 I was going, oh fuck, that guy can crush me too?

00:19:50.000 I had no idea.

00:19:52.000 But I'm never flexible, so I think I quit after like four or five sessions.

00:19:57.000 Flexibility is something that everybody can gain.

00:20:00.000 It's just you just have to go through the process.

00:20:03.000 Flexibility is not something like, you know, there's like certain amount of explosiveness and athleticism that some people just don't possess and it would take a long time to get there.

00:20:12.000 But flexibility is something that you just have to work at.

00:20:14.000 I've seen very inflexible people become flexible.

00:20:17.000 Yeah?

00:20:18.000 Yeah.

00:20:19.000 Just by doing it every day?

00:20:21.000 Doing it every day and just sticking to a routine.

00:20:24.000 You just gotta force yourself past the pain.

00:20:27.000 I'm just nervous.

00:20:28.000 My hamstrings are gonna pop this whole fucking tight.

00:20:31.000 You know what you should get?

00:20:32.000 You ever see one of those things where it's like a strap and you put your foot into it and you pull back up?

00:20:38.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:20:39.000 Those things are great.

00:20:39.000 Yeah, I know.

00:20:40.000 I just take a yoga class.

00:20:42.000 Yeah, I know.

00:20:43.000 I know.

00:20:43.000 Go to Hot Yoga.

00:20:44.000 That's a cheat code.

00:20:44.000 No, that's a good one.

00:20:45.000 It gets real hot in there and you get a lot looser.

00:20:48.000 Yeah, that's good.

00:20:49.000 That's good.

00:20:50.000 My wife's good at that shit.

00:20:53.000 My daughters do it.

00:20:54.000 I just fucking...

00:20:55.000 It hurts my lower back and my hamstrings so much that I end up just going, alright, I get up and do a fake water break and just stare at them.

00:21:07.000 So how was working on this special?

00:21:08.000 I saw you in Vegas.

00:21:09.000 I know you did.

00:21:11.000 It was very funny, man.

00:21:12.000 Thank you, buddy.

00:21:12.000 Very funny.

00:21:12.000 I really enjoyed it.

00:21:13.000 I appreciate it, man.

00:21:15.000 I had a great time making this special.

00:21:19.000 I have a great time on the road.

00:21:21.000 I can't believe it.

00:21:22.000 You know, I fucking quit doing stand-up for, you know, like 20 years or something.

00:21:27.000 What made you want to get back?

00:21:29.000 I think I was doing grown-ups and...

00:21:32.000 Rock and Spade and Schneider and KJ were always talking about, next weekend I'm going to Niagara Falls, and I'd be like, these guys are all fucking having fun on the road.

00:21:43.000 And then I think Apatow was doing Carnegie Hall, he was hosting something, and he said, Do you want to do some stand-up again?

00:21:56.000 And I just go, yeah, yeah, let me do that.

00:21:59.000 And I did it just to make sure that I fucking put together 15 minutes or something.

00:22:05.000 That got me back into it.

00:22:07.000 And did you just piece it together by doing small sets, or how did you write it out?

00:22:14.000 I think maybe I did a couple of improvs or something.

00:22:20.000 Maybe I went to the improv a couple times, but mostly...

00:22:24.000 From doing Letterman.

00:22:26.000 I used to do Letterman and do two segments.

00:22:30.000 So I'd fucking sit down with my buddies, write jokes, and just go out there with jokes and kind of trusted that, yeah, that's a good joke.

00:22:37.000 And I think I started doing that with stand-up, too.

00:22:40.000 Just going, ah, this is pretty good.

00:22:42.000 Let me just do it.

00:22:43.000 And then, like, when did you start booking gigs?

00:22:47.000 Same shit.

00:22:47.000 I called the guy, this great guy whose daughter was going to school with mine.

00:22:53.000 He would talk about booking acts and shit.

00:22:55.000 I said, I was thinking of doing stand-up again.

00:22:57.000 You want to book me some shows?

00:22:58.000 And then he just booked like a 10-city tour for me.

00:23:02.000 And I said, all right, I better fucking put an hour together.

00:23:05.000 Wow.

00:23:05.000 So how did you put the hour together?

00:23:07.000 Did you go to the improv?

00:23:09.000 Did you go to the store?

00:23:10.000 Where'd you go?

00:23:11.000 A couple times at the store, improv, I would drive out of town, you know, the valley, maybe an hour.

00:23:18.000 Like the ha-ha?

00:23:19.000 That kind of shit, yes, yes.

00:23:21.000 Anybody.

00:23:22.000 Flappers.

00:23:23.000 Exactly, flappers.

00:23:24.000 Flappers is a good spot to try shit out.

00:23:26.000 Yeah, I just did a bunch of, maybe I went down to the Comedy and Magic Club, is that still wrong?

00:23:32.000 Yes, I did, I did.

00:23:33.000 For sure, Hermosa Beach, that's a great club.

00:23:35.000 Yes, exactly, except I remember growing up, I would always see Leno and Joe...

00:23:41.000 Is it Joe?

00:23:44.000 Is it Brogan?

00:23:45.000 What was it?

00:23:46.000 Jimmy Brogan?

00:23:47.000 Jimmy Brogan.

00:23:48.000 Yeah, the booker.

00:23:49.000 Yeah, but he did stand-up as well.

00:23:51.000 He did stand-up, and they were so clean, and they would fucking annihilate.

00:23:54.000 And I always felt self-conscious in that place for how filthy I was.

00:23:58.000 And I'd be like, these people don't want to see this.

00:24:00.000 Well, the Comedy Magic Club is like the cleanest club in the country.

00:24:03.000 Right, right?

00:24:04.000 Yeah.

00:24:05.000 And Jimmy Miller used to book it.

00:24:07.000 Did he?

00:24:08.000 I think so.

00:24:08.000 Okay.

00:24:09.000 Yeah.

00:24:10.000 Apatow used to always go there.

00:24:12.000 Yeah.

00:24:13.000 That's a great little club.

00:24:14.000 That's a good club.

00:24:15.000 So I forced myself to get a good album.

00:24:17.000 Now I got it.

00:24:18.000 I mean, when I was on the road the last tour, I have so much shit that steps on other shit, so I can't really do it all.

00:24:28.000 Right.

00:24:29.000 Because if I already said this, so this joke doesn't make any sense now.

00:24:33.000 But I was fucking doing two-hour shows, and it wasn't that big of a deal.

00:24:37.000 Wow.

00:24:37.000 Can you believe that?

00:24:38.000 Yeah.

00:24:39.000 Because I remember struggling to do an hour of my whole stand-up life.

00:24:42.000 I'd be like, Mike.

00:24:43.000 God, how fucking...

00:24:44.000 The crowd's so bored with me now.

00:24:46.000 I can't come up with new moves, you know?

00:24:48.000 But now, got enough shit.

00:24:51.000 Keep them rocking.

00:24:52.000 So how long have you been steady doing stand-up again now?

00:24:55.000 I think like seven years.

00:24:56.000 Wow.

00:24:57.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:24:57.000 It must feel good, though, right?

00:24:58.000 It's nice, man.

00:24:59.000 To get back into like a real flow, like a real headliner flow again.

00:25:03.000 100%, yes.

00:25:03.000 Oh, yeah, I missed this.

00:25:05.000 I did miss it.

00:25:06.000 I didn't even know I missed it.

00:25:07.000 It's the most fun.

00:25:08.000 Absolutely.

00:25:09.000 You fucking were loose.

00:25:11.000 You set yourself up to do a live fucking special.

00:25:15.000 I don't think I could handle that, man.

00:25:17.000 My head be spinning way too much, man.

00:25:19.000 But I had to over-prepare.

00:25:21.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:25:22.000 But you didn't have any pauses.

00:25:25.000 You were just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

00:25:26.000 How long were you doing that set?

00:25:28.000 Well, I did...

00:25:30.000 Well, you know, because I have my own club that helps a lot, right?

00:25:33.000 So I was doing two shows a night, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

00:25:38.000 So I was doing six hours of stand-up a week, which is a lot.

00:25:41.000 And then I was doing podcasts and all the other UFC stuff that I do.

00:25:46.000 It's a lot of work.

00:25:47.000 Right.

00:25:48.000 That got to be too much.

00:25:49.000 So then I knocked it down to three sets a week.

00:25:52.000 Three headliner sets a week.

00:25:53.000 And then I would do a bunch of short sets.

00:25:56.000 You know, that Bottom of the Barrel show that I told you that my friend Brian Simpson hosts.

00:26:00.000 That show's the best.

00:26:01.000 It's like a premise factory.

00:26:02.000 Because you have this whiskey barrel on stage.

00:26:04.000 It's filled with notes from the crowd.

00:26:06.000 It's all just different ridiculous ideas for premises.

00:26:09.000 And you reach your hand in.

00:26:10.000 You pull one out.

00:26:11.000 And it says, you know, frogs are gay.

00:26:14.000 Like, whatever it is.

00:26:15.000 And you just start...

00:26:16.000 Ranting right about and you try to come up with bits and you know every now and then one you get one or two Every set that you write it down like this could be something that's amazing And a couple of them made it onto the special that's incredible because it's like they it's a premise factory Absolutely,

00:26:34.000 so I had I had a lot of it's I was getting ready to do a special in I was gonna do one in August of 2020 But then, you know, obviously in March, everything shut down, and I didn't do stand-up for eight months, and it was just...

00:26:47.000 And then I thought about it, and I was like, you know what?

00:26:49.000 I just feel like just working on my material now.

00:26:52.000 I just feel like just working on stand-up and not even thinking about the special.

00:26:56.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:26:56.000 That's a great feeling.

00:26:57.000 I was just enjoying working at the club, and then there's so many good guys at the club.

00:27:04.000 It was just such a fucking hot spot.

00:27:07.000 There's so many people.

00:27:08.000 There's Shane Gillis and Mark Norman and Ari Shafir and fucking Bryan Simpson and Tony Hinchcliffe.

00:27:14.000 It's just like every night was just Murderer's Row.

00:27:16.000 Right, yeah, yeah.

00:27:17.000 And we were all just cooking together.

00:27:18.000 That's big.

00:27:19.000 And then when Netflix said they want to do a live special with me, at first I was like, fuck that.

00:27:23.000 I don't want to do that.

00:27:24.000 And I said no.

00:27:25.000 I told my manager.

00:27:26.000 I was like, no.

00:27:27.000 I called her on the phone.

00:27:28.000 I was like, what?

00:27:28.000 I don't want to do that.

00:27:29.000 And then I was driving home.

00:27:31.000 I'm like, why are you scared to do that, you fucking pussy?

00:27:32.000 And I was like, as I was driving home, I was like thinking.

00:27:35.000 And then when I got home, I called her back.

00:27:36.000 I go, don't say no yet.

00:27:37.000 I go, let me think about it.

00:27:38.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:39.000 I've had those feelings, yeah.

00:27:40.000 And then the next day I said, alright, I'm gonna do it.

00:27:42.000 And she's like, you sure?

00:27:43.000 I go, yeah, yeah.

00:27:44.000 I'm gonna do it because I'm scared of it.

00:27:46.000 That's ballsy, man.

00:27:47.000 I was fucking terrified of it.

00:27:48.000 Of course.

00:27:49.000 I'm scared thinking about doing it.

00:27:51.000 I would never fucking do it.

00:27:53.000 But you killed it.

00:27:55.000 You killed it.

00:27:56.000 You were loose.

00:27:56.000 You were rolling.

00:27:57.000 You crushed.

00:27:58.000 Well, I did that set in order for three weeks straight.

00:28:02.000 Right.

00:28:02.000 So I had it locked in for three weeks.

00:28:04.000 I didn't do any, which I always fuck around.

00:28:07.000 There was no fucking around.

00:28:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:28:09.000 No deviation for three weeks.

00:28:11.000 You were steady.

00:28:12.000 Exactly.

00:28:12.000 I also wrote all the bits out by hand.

00:28:15.000 I wrote them all out.

00:28:16.000 Even the ones I already knew.

00:28:17.000 I wrote them all out.

00:28:18.000 I wrote all the transitions out.

00:28:19.000 I listened to recordings.

00:28:20.000 I watched videos.

00:28:21.000 That's big, yeah.

00:28:22.000 I beat myself into the ground.

00:28:24.000 That's good.

00:28:24.000 Overprepared.

00:28:25.000 Right, right, right.

00:28:26.000 So when I got up there, there was no, what is next?

00:28:29.000 What is next?

00:28:29.000 There was no thought about- You didn't have a beat sheet somewhere just in case you got lost?

00:28:34.000 No, no, no.

00:28:34.000 That's fucking balls.

00:28:36.000 I would never be able to do that.

00:28:37.000 But I wanted to treat it like a regular show.

00:28:39.000 If I had a regular show, I wouldn't have a cheat sheet.

00:28:41.000 Well, I fucking- I never did when I was young, but now I need fucking a word.

00:28:46.000 I need to look somewhere and see the word.

00:28:47.000 What do you like, put like index cards on the stage?

00:28:50.000 No, on a monitor.

00:28:51.000 I just look down and go, you know, it says like, you know, just one word.

00:28:56.000 Popcorn.

00:28:56.000 Popcorn and then I'm ready.

00:28:57.000 Because my head goes to space.

00:28:59.000 I get spacey as I got older.

00:29:00.000 When I was young, I was prepared and ba-ba-ba-boom and I did my shit.

00:29:06.000 But I think it helps me kind of relax a little bit, just knowing that if I'm lost, I look down and see a word and go, yeah, yeah, yeah, do that next.

00:29:14.000 Bill Maher brings one of them conductor's fucking things on stage.

00:29:19.000 You know how they have the music?

00:29:23.000 He has that, and he just has his ideas written out on that, so he can just look down at it.

00:29:27.000 I get addicted to that a little too much.

00:29:31.000 Largo.

00:29:32.000 In L.A., I go up there.

00:29:34.000 Flanny runs that place, and he lets me go on and try shit out.

00:29:40.000 And I have a music stand, and I'll be at work all day working on movies.

00:29:45.000 And then, like, ten minutes left to go, I go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:29:48.000 Let me fucking...

00:29:48.000 I got a couple of guys in the office who help write jokes with me.

00:29:51.000 And I go, let me try this, this, and this.

00:29:53.000 And I just put the sheet down, go on stage, try shit out.

00:29:58.000 Trying new shit out, nothing better than a new joke.

00:30:00.000 Yeah, it's very exciting.

00:30:02.000 That's the best, if it's working.

00:30:03.000 It usually does work, too.

00:30:05.000 Well, you're enthusiastic about it, and if you really have thought about it and prepared for it, it's like a new thing for you.

00:30:13.000 So it's an exciting new toy.

00:30:15.000 Oh, yeah, yes, yes.

00:30:16.000 You can't wait to get to that or open with it or whatever the fuck it is.

00:30:19.000 When you do movies, do you just come up with a premise first?

00:30:24.000 Like, when you decide to do a film, like if you decide to do Happy Gilmore, how do you make your movies?

00:30:30.000 How do you start?

00:30:31.000 I mean, that was...

00:30:33.000 Just lucky premise.

00:30:35.000 Billy Madison, I remember.

00:30:38.000 I thought, oh, this could be great.

00:30:40.000 A guy who...

00:30:41.000 A grown-up who does elementary school again.

00:30:44.000 And that's a great idea of being...

00:30:47.000 I get to be goofy, get to bully these little kids, then all of a sudden connect with these kids and have fun growing up again.

00:30:54.000 So...

00:30:54.000 But part of my head was like, well, Rodney did back to school already.

00:30:58.000 So everyone's going to say, I just ripped off back to school.

00:31:00.000 Rodney went back to college.

00:31:02.000 How the fuck do we kind of do it a step away from that?

00:31:06.000 And I call my buddy Herlihy, who I went to college with, and he writes all the movies with me.

00:31:13.000 He's just a great, funny man, and I've written almost everything with him.

00:31:19.000 And if he goes, ooh, that's good, then we usually go from there and we try to fill it out after that.

00:31:26.000 Same thing with Happy Gilmore, Wedding Singer, Bobby Boucher, all that shit.

00:31:30.000 We were just like...

00:31:31.000 Came up with a couple of lines of what we thought was an interesting idea and then see if we can fill it out.

00:31:40.000 It's so funny because your films get loved by the public and hated by critics.

00:31:46.000 It's so hilarious.

00:31:47.000 Whatever the Rotten Tomatoes critic score is for your films means zero.

00:31:54.000 It means nothing.

00:31:56.000 Only the audience is what counts.

00:31:58.000 That's all we thought about, yeah.

00:32:00.000 Because your films are all so fun and so silly and so, in my opinion, so underappreciated.

00:32:07.000 Thank you, man.

00:32:07.000 Because, like, this is one of the things I thought about during COVID. Like, we watched it every night.

00:32:12.000 We watched, like, every film that you made while everything was locked down.

00:32:16.000 Amazing.

00:32:17.000 I love that.

00:32:18.000 Thank you.

00:32:18.000 Yeah, and my fucking...

00:32:21.000 I don't know, man.

00:32:22.000 We lucked out.

00:32:23.000 We worked our asses off like you're working your ass off now.

00:32:27.000 This is...

00:32:29.000 Took it very serious.

00:32:31.000 But you caught like a silly groove.

00:32:33.000 Yes, yes.

00:32:33.000 I don't think anybody else has that silly groove like you do.

00:32:36.000 You caught that groove with so many movies, man.

00:32:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:32:40.000 I mean, when I first started, Jim Carrey was crushing, Stiller, Mike Myers.

00:32:50.000 A lot of goofy movies were getting made, and I certainly fucking loved doing them.

00:32:55.000 I loved being on set.

00:32:57.000 Making those kind of movies.

00:32:59.000 I love fucking editing that shit.

00:33:01.000 Thinking about kids laughing.

00:33:03.000 I always loved that.

00:33:04.000 Thinking of college kids throwing a tape in, sitting down, watching together.

00:33:09.000 That was on our mind when we did it.

00:33:12.000 When you first started out, did you want to be a comic?

00:33:15.000 Did you want to be a stand-up comic?

00:33:16.000 Or did you always think that you wanted to do films?

00:33:19.000 I think I wanted to get into the movies.

00:33:21.000 I was fucking nuts.

00:33:24.000 Cocky as shit in my own weird way.

00:33:27.000 I think a big thing that happened to me was I told my friends in high school I was gonna be fucking big.

00:33:36.000 So you had to?

00:33:36.000 I had to do it.

00:33:37.000 I told the boys, I was like, it's gonna be fucking great.

00:33:41.000 And then when I would check in with them, I remember being on payphones, calling after even eating it at Catch a Rising Star.

00:33:47.000 I'd call them, I fucking did good tonight.

00:33:49.000 Bob was like, yeah.

00:33:50.000 I go, yeah.

00:33:50.000 I said, what'd you say?

00:33:51.000 I said, this joke fucking killed.

00:33:53.000 Meanwhile, I fucking ate it every time.

00:33:55.000 So you're faking it until you made it.

00:33:57.000 But I dug a hole for myself.

00:33:59.000 I'm doing great.

00:34:01.000 Robin Williams said I was fantastic.

00:34:03.000 Robin Williams, I remember one night saw me eat it, and I was just like, oh man, I ate it in front of Robin Williams.

00:34:07.000 But I changed the story of like, yeah, he liked that shit.

00:34:12.000 There's something that could be very valuable about being delusional and being young.

00:34:17.000 Yes, very delusional.

00:34:19.000 So stupid, man.

00:34:20.000 I did this thing once.

00:34:22.000 Do you know Owen Smith?

00:34:25.000 Who the hell is that?

00:34:26.000 Hilarious, hilarious comedian in LA. He had this, he's one of the best comics alive, but he spends a lot of time writing and doing shows, unfortunately.

00:34:36.000 I'm sure I know.

00:34:36.000 Which I think he should be headlining arenas.

00:34:39.000 He was just at my club a few months back, I saw him.

00:34:41.000 Fuck, he's a monster.

00:34:43.000 The point is, Owen had this show that he was doing for a while.

00:34:46.000 Where you'd find your oldest notebooks and sit down with them and go over your oldest jokes.

00:34:52.000 And it was so bad.

00:34:54.000 It was like a 1991 joke book.

00:34:58.000 I keep them all.

00:35:00.000 And we were reading and I was like, it's so bad.

00:35:03.000 I hadn't built-in heckler lines that I wrote that were terrible.

00:35:09.000 And this guy was saying this to me.

00:35:13.000 That's so funny, man.

00:35:14.000 If I had to go back there and give myself advice, I would say, you gotta quit.

00:35:17.000 You're terrible at this.

00:35:18.000 Oh my god.

00:35:19.000 Don't do this.

00:35:20.000 What are you doing, man?

00:35:21.000 Yeah, don't do this.

00:35:21.000 You sound atrocious.

00:35:23.000 You're not gonna make it.

00:35:23.000 You don't have it.

00:35:24.000 Same thing.

00:35:25.000 There's no way.

00:35:25.000 But I fucking thought I was fucking phenomenal.

00:35:28.000 But I would look at the crowd not laughing, going, these fucking...

00:35:32.000 Are these guys fucking nuts?

00:35:33.000 They don't see how great this shit is?

00:35:35.000 But when I... It's almost like I was with my fucking giant afro, and my father would be at the table and be like...

00:35:42.000 You need a haircut.

00:35:43.000 I'd be like, what are you talking about, man?

00:35:44.000 He'd be like, you think you look good?

00:35:46.000 I'd be like, I look great.

00:35:47.000 He'd be like, you don't, just so you know.

00:35:49.000 You don't look great.

00:35:50.000 I'd be like, you are so off on that thing.

00:35:53.000 It's funny, delusional thinking can sometimes carry you to the, like, once you develop some skill, delusional is like a little guardian that keeps you protected while you actually develop talent.

00:36:07.000 And that goes away, because I'm more nervous now.

00:36:10.000 Well, I had that fucking fear as a comedian.

00:36:14.000 My head would spin.

00:36:16.000 Colin Quinn, he had a club, the Paper Moon.

00:36:20.000 Was the Paper Moon around when you were growing up?

00:36:23.000 It was like the Boston Comedy Club.

00:36:27.000 Like a small place like that?

00:36:28.000 I think Paper Moon became the Boston Comedy Club.

00:36:30.000 Oh, the same club?

00:36:31.000 Yes, I think it was downstairs.

00:36:33.000 Oh, no shit.

00:36:34.000 So fucking Colin liked me.

00:36:36.000 He used to get me on stage.

00:36:37.000 I was going to college around there.

00:36:40.000 And I, all day long, would be practicing on the elevator in my dorm.

00:36:44.000 I'd be going ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, saying the shit.

00:36:47.000 Right when Con would bring me up, my fucking head would spin.

00:36:50.000 I'd forget where I was, not making any sense.

00:36:53.000 I would say two jokes, and then I'd be like, oh my god, I don't know what's coming next.

00:36:57.000 And I had that going for a while, but I still would go home at night and go, fucking, I'm going to be so fucking good at this.

00:37:04.000 I don't know what it was.

00:37:06.000 Psycho.

00:37:07.000 Psycho.

00:37:07.000 It's youthful delusion.

00:37:09.000 Yeah, and it's also your central lobe is not fully formed yet.

00:37:12.000 You don't even understand the world.

00:37:14.000 You're a little meat puppet.

00:37:16.000 My god, yeah.

00:37:17.000 Yeah, but that's how you make it.

00:37:19.000 That's how you make it in kind of everything.

00:37:21.000 Like, you're delusional, you know?

00:37:23.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:37:24.000 If you really believe in yourself, that counts for a lot.

00:37:27.000 Up to a point.

00:37:29.000 Because there's people that still believe in themselves.

00:37:31.000 They've been doing open mics for 20 years.

00:37:33.000 Nobody's stepped in to say, hey, this is never going to happen.

00:37:37.000 You have to have a spark.

00:37:39.000 There's got to be a little something in there, and then you can build that little something into something special.

00:37:44.000 That's right.

00:37:45.000 Same thing in sports, guys who keep going and keep trying out and keep doing something, but some people break through.

00:37:55.000 It's interesting, man.

00:37:57.000 I definitely had an amazing time as a youngster.

00:38:00.000 I had a couple of people that I locked in with.

00:38:03.000 We were buddies.

00:38:04.000 We all had that same thing of like, I'm good, I'm good, even though it wasn't that good yet.

00:38:10.000 Yeah, I came up with Greg Fitzsimmons.

00:38:14.000 Greg and I, we're both confused and wondering if we're ever going to make it.

00:38:20.000 We do a lot of road gigs together, and we were hoping.

00:38:23.000 But the whole idea was only just to one day you'd be a professional.

00:38:29.000 That was the goal.

00:38:30.000 Not really have any kind of a career career, but just like One day to make a living telling jokes.

00:38:37.000 That was the dream.

00:38:38.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:39.000 You couldn't even imagine.

00:38:40.000 I would see guys that were actual pros when I had a bunch of day jobs doing construction.

00:38:45.000 Oh, you did?

00:38:46.000 Driving limos.

00:38:47.000 Oh, yeah, I did everything.

00:38:48.000 Oh, gotcha.

00:38:48.000 And so then I would do these nighttime gigs and I'd meet the real pros.

00:38:52.000 The guys who just made a living doing comedy.

00:38:54.000 I'm like, what must that be?

00:38:55.000 Yes, they saunter in at 9 o'clock at night.

00:38:58.000 Oh my god.

00:38:58.000 Yeah, they've been playing golf all day, laughing.

00:39:01.000 The Kevin Knox's and all those guys.

00:39:03.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:39:04.000 And they were like heroes.

00:39:06.000 Of course.

00:39:07.000 You actually made it.

00:39:08.000 The fucking badasses.

00:39:09.000 Outside of the system completely.

00:39:12.000 All you do is tell jokes.

00:39:14.000 And people love you and they come to see you.

00:39:16.000 And the same jokes.

00:39:17.000 A lot of the guys, they were just like, that's my act.

00:39:19.000 Oh, in Boston?

00:39:21.000 Yeah.

00:39:21.000 They never did television.

00:39:23.000 Yeah, right, right.

00:39:24.000 And people wanted to go see those same jokes again, which is crazy.

00:39:27.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:39:28.000 Like Steve Sweeney?

00:39:29.000 Did you ever see Sweeney when he was in his prime?

00:39:30.000 Absolute best, biggest destruction, too.

00:39:33.000 Oh, my God.

00:39:34.000 Steve Sweeney in his prime would light up a room, and with Boston accent and Boston material, you couldn't follow him.

00:39:43.000 No, no.

00:39:43.000 He was a monster.

00:39:45.000 I think he went on the very first night I went on at Stitches.

00:39:49.000 That was the first place my brother brought me to Stitches.

00:39:53.000 He was going to BU. He got me one of those five minute open mics.

00:39:57.000 That was the first place I ever did too.

00:39:58.000 Stitches?

00:39:59.000 Yeah.

00:39:59.000 Wow, man.

00:40:00.000 How'd you do?

00:40:03.000 Yeah, I ate it.

00:40:04.000 I got a couple of chuckles.

00:40:06.000 You did.

00:40:06.000 It was like enough to where I was like, maybe.

00:40:08.000 How old were you?

00:40:08.000 21. 21, yeah.

00:40:10.000 I was like, maybe.

00:40:11.000 Maybe something.

00:40:12.000 And the second time I got some laughs.

00:40:14.000 That's incredible.

00:40:14.000 The second time I was less nervous.

00:40:16.000 Wow.

00:40:17.000 And I had a little tape recorder that I brought with me and I recorded it.

00:40:22.000 Oh, man.

00:40:23.000 Yeah.

00:40:23.000 How about that humiliation of the silence on the recorder?

00:40:26.000 Oh, it was terrible.

00:40:27.000 But it also made me realize what was wrong.

00:40:30.000 Because I was studying it kind of the way I study martial arts.

00:40:35.000 You'd watch films of fights, and then I would go, oh, there was a little bit of a timing problem there, and I could have done this, I could have done that.

00:40:44.000 And so with my second time I did stand-up, I had the humiliation of listening to the first cassette.

00:40:51.000 So I listened to that, and I was like, let me tie Tighten this up, and maybe this could be a little better.

00:40:56.000 Oh my god, tightening it up.

00:40:57.000 Right a little more there.

00:40:58.000 But I got some laughs the second time, which was like crazy.

00:41:01.000 I was like, wow, I might be able to do this.

00:41:03.000 Shit, man.

00:41:03.000 Both at Stitches?

00:41:04.000 Yeah.

00:41:05.000 And then I think I bombed the third time, and that was the first real bomb.

00:41:09.000 And I was like, a punch in the face.

00:41:11.000 Fucking shit.

00:41:12.000 Yes.

00:41:13.000 But every time I bombed, I feel like it taught me something, and then I would get better.

00:41:18.000 Fucking, I ate it last year!

00:41:21.000 Last summer, I went up to the comic strip and fucking ate it for ten straight minutes.

00:41:27.000 And I went, oh shit, I forgot about that.

00:41:30.000 What about that punch in the face?

00:41:32.000 That is a roughy.

00:41:32.000 I ran into you at the airport, and you were telling me you just did some fucking horrific corporate event.

00:41:37.000 I ate it there, too!

00:41:39.000 Oh, that was...

00:41:41.000 I mean, if I listened to the tape, I'd say, you were okay, but...

00:41:45.000 Oh, it's humiliating.

00:41:47.000 Yeah.

00:41:48.000 You had just gotten done with it when I ran into you.

00:41:51.000 So I was shell-shocked.

00:41:52.000 I remember seeing you and your wife.

00:41:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:41:55.000 I had that fucking glazed look.

00:41:57.000 Those corporate gigs are so...

00:41:58.000 Ron White just ate at one recently.

00:42:01.000 He goes, I don't know why the fuck I agreed to do that.

00:42:03.000 I know!

00:42:04.000 I never did it!

00:42:05.000 I said no, and they said more, and I said no, and then they came up with a number.

00:42:09.000 I was like, alright.

00:42:10.000 Holy shit, buddy.

00:42:11.000 Same fucking story for me.

00:42:13.000 Those are deaf.

00:42:14.000 I don't think I... Those things are death because the people that are there, they're working with all these people, so they're all kind of tight.

00:42:22.000 Yeah, they got shit going on.

00:42:24.000 Yeah.

00:42:24.000 And they're not really thinking about the comedy show.

00:42:27.000 They're thinking about, this is like a social environment with all the people.

00:42:30.000 They're working their way up the corporate ladder, and they're concentrating on all their shit.

00:42:35.000 And also, they can't laugh at anything inappropriate.

00:42:37.000 Oh, that's true, yeah.

00:42:38.000 I saw Mike over there laughing at all those sexist jokes.

00:42:41.000 Mike's a real piece of shit.

00:42:43.000 Yeah, that's true, man.

00:42:44.000 That's good.

00:42:45.000 I swear to God, I felt bad for them.

00:42:48.000 I was like, Jesus, they paid me so much.

00:42:50.000 I fucking feel terrible.

00:42:52.000 I didn't kill for them, but it happened.

00:42:55.000 Yeah, Hinchcliffe just did one recently too.

00:42:57.000 He said the same thing.

00:42:58.000 I'm like, that's why I don't do those.

00:42:59.000 Do comedy where people come to see comedy, and that's it.

00:43:03.000 Don't get hired for a birthday party.

00:43:05.000 Get the fuck out of here with that.

00:43:07.000 The only fucking reason I did it was Paul McCartney did it the year before, so...

00:43:13.000 They go, well, they don't do this much.

00:43:14.000 I went, Paul McCartney!

00:43:15.000 Well, fuck!

00:43:16.000 I'm doing that shit!

00:43:17.000 Yeah, but Paul McCartney can just play his songs.

00:43:20.000 I know, man.

00:43:21.000 You know, and, like, his songs are great.

00:43:23.000 They're classics.

00:43:24.000 He's not gonna miss.

00:43:25.000 He's just gonna play the...

00:43:26.000 And if they don't respond, that's on them.

00:43:28.000 Yeah, it's like, you know?

00:43:29.000 You fucking nuts!

00:43:30.000 He just did Band on the Run.

00:43:32.000 Shit!

00:43:32.000 What the fuck is wrong with you people?

00:43:33.000 I know, man, that's good.

00:43:35.000 Yeah, you know, like, musicians, they can always just get into their songs.

00:43:38.000 Oh, shocking.

00:43:39.000 They don't need your response.

00:43:40.000 They can close their eyes, they don't need nothing.

00:43:41.000 Yeah, they don't need you.

00:43:42.000 They don't need you.

00:43:44.000 We're fucking looking at everybody.

00:43:45.000 That fucking dude's not loving it.

00:43:47.000 God damn it.

00:43:47.000 We rely so much on other people's response.

00:43:51.000 But the moments I don't, those are the ones I was saying to you, Joe, and I've eaten it before but still felt I did good.

00:44:00.000 Because I fucking remained kind of confident.

00:44:03.000 Right.

00:44:03.000 And believing in my shit, still.

00:44:05.000 But the ones where I look out, I see them hating me, and I go, yeah, why am I here, man?

00:44:12.000 That's a bad feeling.

00:44:13.000 It's a terrible feeling.

00:44:14.000 I say bombing on stage is like sucking a thousand dicks in front of your mother.

00:44:18.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:44:19.000 But the problem is, it's probably worse than that, because somewhere out there, there's probably a guy who wouldn't mind sucking a thousand dicks in front of his mom.

00:44:25.000 Yeah.

00:44:25.000 You know, he'd be like, look at me, mom.

00:44:27.000 Look at you, bitch.

00:44:28.000 You made me.

00:44:29.000 You made me.

00:44:31.000 99!

00:44:32.000 Let's go!

00:44:33.000 My mother would 100% at the end say, you could have done it better.

00:44:37.000 Yeah.

00:44:38.000 You could have sucked him hard.

00:44:40.000 Why did you stop on that one man?

00:44:42.000 He wanted to explode in your face and you, you stop!

00:44:47.000 I feel bad.

00:44:48.000 You should call him and tell him you'll suck his dick.

00:44:52.000 But yeah, I'm with you, buddy.

00:44:54.000 Yeah, stand-up.

00:44:55.000 Stand-up's the best.

00:44:56.000 It's a crazy thing, and no one can teach you how to do it either.

00:44:59.000 You have to figure it out yourself, because your way of doing it is different than my way of doing it.

00:45:03.000 My way is different than Kevin's way.

00:45:05.000 Kevin's way is different than fucking Seinfeld's way.

00:45:08.000 Everybody's got a different way of doing it.

00:45:10.000 Absolutely.

00:45:10.000 And nobody can teach you how to do it.

00:45:12.000 You can learn some things from watching other people.

00:45:16.000 You can learn some things.

00:45:17.000 Oh man, yeah.

00:45:19.000 How about when somebody fucking great watches you and says, hey, you know what you could say here, and gives you a great line, and you're like, oh my god.

00:45:26.000 God, thank you.

00:45:27.000 No, that's huge.

00:45:28.000 What a feeling.

00:45:28.000 You just made my okay thing into a fucking one I'm excited to do.

00:45:32.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:45:34.000 There's been a couple of bits that I've had that I got a tag from a friend and it's just like pops it up.

00:45:38.000 Oh, you're like, how did I ever do it without that fucking line?

00:45:41.000 Yeah.

00:45:41.000 Sometimes like a fresh eye, you know?

00:45:43.000 That's one of the things that I always admired about how Chris Rock used to do it.

00:45:47.000 Because Chris Rock would go on stage, he'd work his stuff out, and then he'd have a bunch of guys that he would hire to sit in the back of the room and kind of workshop with him.

00:45:55.000 I do similar stuff.

00:45:57.000 Very smart.

00:45:58.000 I have these young guys who are fucking way funnier at writing than me.

00:46:02.000 Only because...

00:46:04.000 I'm fucking tired.

00:46:05.000 I'm tired.

00:46:06.000 I walk into the office and I'm like, I thought of this funny thing last night.

00:46:10.000 Maybe something there.

00:46:11.000 I'll say it to them.

00:46:12.000 And they'll go, oh yeah.

00:46:13.000 And I'll fucking write something interesting.

00:46:15.000 And we come up with something together eventually.

00:46:17.000 Well, you're used to collaborating when you do films, right?

00:46:21.000 Yes, yes.

00:46:22.000 I always do that.

00:46:23.000 Always got a bunch of guys that helped me out throughout the whole movie.

00:46:26.000 Yeah.

00:46:26.000 That's such a good process.

00:46:29.000 Yes.

00:46:29.000 Because, you know, one mind is great, but a bunch of minds together in different perspectives.

00:46:35.000 People are going to see things from an angle that you're not going to see.

00:46:37.000 Yes, that's exciting.

00:46:39.000 Same shit.

00:46:40.000 Same shit.

00:46:40.000 Somebody comes up with a great thing to do in a scene, or a line, or maybe you can be doing this at the same time, an action, whatever the fuck it is.

00:46:49.000 I mean, me and Herlihy, when we write these things, we think a lot.

00:46:54.000 What it's going to look like, what's going on in a scene, what the jokes are, that kind of shit.

00:47:00.000 But on the day, you're definitely having a couple of buddies around making it better is the way to go.

00:47:06.000 Well, you always have a very tight ship, too.

00:47:09.000 Doing Zookeeper with you and talking with Kevin, you work with the same people pretty much every film.

00:47:16.000 Yeah.

00:47:17.000 Which is really huge.

00:47:18.000 Yeah, that's good.

00:47:19.000 Because you have a very family environment.

00:47:22.000 It's always family.

00:47:23.000 Everybody's fun.

00:47:25.000 Everybody likes working together.

00:47:27.000 No one's an asshole.

00:47:28.000 It's an easy gig in that sense.

00:47:31.000 You know you're going to come to work with people.

00:47:33.000 Walking comfortable.

00:47:34.000 Yeah.

00:47:34.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:47:35.000 Everybody's having fun.

00:47:37.000 Kevin's got that going.

00:47:39.000 You got that going?

00:47:39.000 Yeah, you have to have that.

00:47:41.000 That's gigantic.

00:47:42.000 You got a lot of great stand-up friends, alright?

00:47:45.000 Yeah.

00:47:46.000 When you do the road, you just bring your guys with you.

00:47:49.000 How many of you go up on stage when you take gigs on the road?

00:47:53.000 If I do a gig, I bring usually one guy who's a beginner, and then two guys who are headliners.

00:47:59.000 And how much time does everybody do?

00:48:02.000 It depends.

00:48:03.000 Like, when I did the live special, I brought this kid, Ari Matty, who's hilarious.

00:48:09.000 Yeah.

00:48:09.000 Ari did 10 minutes.

00:48:10.000 Well, he did 15 minutes the first night, but on the live night, he did 10 minutes.

00:48:14.000 So 10 minutes to warm the crowd up, and then he brings on Ron White.

00:48:17.000 Ron White murdered for 15, and then he brings on Tony.

00:48:20.000 Tony murders for 15, and then I go on after that.

00:48:23.000 You're fucking tough to do that to yourself, put on big, heavy hitters, because that can...

00:48:31.000 Yeah, but as long as you're having fun, it doesn't because the audience is having a good time.

00:48:36.000 My philosophy is I don't want bad comedians going in front of me.

00:48:41.000 I want people to kill so that when I go on stage, everyone's having a great time.

00:48:45.000 They don't ever feel like, oh, they made that one guy for 20 minutes.

00:48:48.000 Oh, my God, when was he going to get off stage?

00:48:50.000 Because there's some comedians that like to do that.

00:48:52.000 They like to bring in terrible acts so they look like a hero.

00:48:54.000 No, that's bad.

00:48:55.000 That's bad.

00:48:56.000 It's bad for the audience.

00:48:58.000 It's bad for your own brain.

00:48:59.000 You're getting lazy doing that.

00:49:01.000 You're getting lazy.

00:49:01.000 It's a soft way to approach it.

00:49:03.000 So when I do shows at the club, sometimes I'm going on stage an hour and a half into the show.

00:49:09.000 And it's like Bryan Simpson, Shane Gillis, Mark Norman.

00:49:14.000 It's like killer after killer are going up.

00:49:16.000 And then I'm going up late.

00:49:17.000 It's like running with weights on.

00:49:19.000 You've got to come out of the gate hot.

00:49:23.000 Dude, when I first came back to stand-up, I was bringing all my buddies with me.

00:49:30.000 And they were killing so hard.

00:49:32.000 It was good crowds, so everybody would stay up, you know?

00:49:36.000 Everyone's like, I know, I was gonna do 15, let me do 25. And so by the time I got up there, I was following like six or seven guys murdering, and it was fucking two hours in, and then I was supposed to do an hour and a half of that, I'd be like...

00:49:52.000 Shit, I gotta figure this out, man.

00:49:53.000 I'm not kidding.

00:49:54.000 That's too much.

00:49:55.000 That's too much.

00:49:56.000 You wear the audience out.

00:49:57.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:49:58.000 I feel like when a show gets over two hours, two and a half hours, it's like...

00:50:03.000 I don't want to see a three-hour movie.

00:50:05.000 No, no.

00:50:06.000 If I'm going to watch a three-hour movie, I'm going to be at home.

00:50:09.000 Okay?

00:50:10.000 Where I can pause.

00:50:11.000 Yeah.

00:50:11.000 If I have to take a leak.

00:50:12.000 Go eat.

00:50:12.000 Go have some popcorn.

00:50:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:50:15.000 For three hours sitting in some auditorium somewhere watching a show...

00:50:19.000 That's a lot.

00:50:20.000 It's got to be a...

00:50:21.000 The hangar of a show, where you're so engaged, where you walk out and you're like, wow.

00:50:26.000 How about that feeling when you know, holy shit, this arena, I'm losing them for about five minutes.

00:50:31.000 Let me fucking get them back.

00:50:33.000 How about that, when you see people who started the show off with like, yeah, and then they're kind of like tuned out going, What is happening right now?

00:50:43.000 People only have a certain amount of attention span.

00:50:46.000 That's why I admire bands that still...

00:50:48.000 I saw Guns N' Roses and Grease, and they do three hours.

00:50:53.000 New shit?

00:50:54.000 No!

00:50:55.000 All the classics.

00:50:56.000 All the classics.

00:50:57.000 Welcome to the jungle, sweet child of mine.

00:51:00.000 But they fucking go hard for three hours.

00:51:03.000 Those guys are 100 years old.

00:51:05.000 They're still killing it.

00:51:06.000 And he's singing three hours.

00:51:07.000 Axl's ripping it for three hours?

00:51:09.000 Yes.

00:51:10.000 Same with the Stones.

00:51:11.000 I saw the Stones a couple years ago at CODA, the Circuit of the Americas here in town.

00:51:15.000 And it was insane.

00:51:17.000 Mick Jagger's a thousand years old.

00:51:19.000 And he's still fucking moving on.

00:51:22.000 Button your lip, baby!

00:51:25.000 He's still fucking dancing and all that energy.

00:51:29.000 It's funny, they do like...

00:51:30.000 Stones do two a week or something.

00:51:32.000 That's a really funny shit because when we go on the road it's like five or six...

00:51:36.000 That's the way to do it, though, when you're 80. Yes, yes, yes.

00:51:39.000 You know, you need recovery.

00:51:40.000 Yes, yes, yes.

00:51:40.000 And also, Mick Jagger works out every single day.

00:51:44.000 He has two trailers filled with gym equipment.

00:51:47.000 Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:51:48.000 Two of the trailers, when they travel with the Stones, is just Mick Jagger's gym equipment.

00:51:52.000 What a fucking stud, a light little body.

00:51:54.000 That guy looks like he weighs 120 or something.

00:51:56.000 Luke's like 120. He's ripped still.

00:51:58.000 80 years old.

00:51:59.000 He's got a six-pack.

00:52:00.000 Got the many arms ready.

00:52:02.000 Yeah.

00:52:02.000 Fucking ready to go.

00:52:03.000 And still has his pipes.

00:52:05.000 Still can sing.

00:52:06.000 Oh, yeah.

00:52:07.000 And Keith Richard could still play.

00:52:09.000 It was incredible.

00:52:10.000 Watching them live, I couldn't even believe they were there.

00:52:13.000 It was one of those things where I felt like I was on drugs.

00:52:17.000 I was like, am I really seeing the Rolling Stones?

00:52:19.000 Are they actually there?

00:52:20.000 I could throw a rock, and I could hit Mick Jagger with a rock.

00:52:23.000 He's right there.

00:52:24.000 Oh, my goodness.

00:52:24.000 Yes, I know.

00:52:25.000 And then how exciting when Keith and Ron look at each other and laugh.

00:52:28.000 Yeah.

00:52:29.000 They laugh together.

00:52:30.000 Fuck, that was incredible.

00:52:31.000 They're still enjoying it.

00:52:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:33.000 And when we were kids, there were no old rock stars.

00:52:37.000 Right, yeah, yeah, that's right.

00:52:38.000 Right?

00:52:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:52:40.000 Elvis was already dead.

00:52:42.000 Right, yeah, yeah.

00:52:43.000 You know, he died in the 70s, right?

00:52:45.000 So he was already dead.

00:52:47.000 And so when we were kids, we thought of rock stars as like Van Halen, young, wild people on stage jumping around.

00:52:54.000 That's a young man's game.

00:52:56.000 No one ever anticipated 80-year-old rock stars singing rock and roll in their 80s.

00:53:01.000 No doubt.

00:53:02.000 By the way, I heard David Lee on your show.

00:53:04.000 Yeah, he's been on a couple times.

00:53:06.000 Man, I mean, that band, to me, when I was in high school, I think I was in ninth grade the first time I fucking heard them.

00:53:13.000 I was into Sabbath.

00:53:14.000 My brother got me into Sabbath.

00:53:16.000 And then I heard I was walking up to a fucking party.

00:53:19.000 It was like one of my first house keg parties, and Van Halen was blaring over somebody's pioneer system, and it was fucking, like, ain't talking about love or some shit.

00:53:31.000 I remember just going, this is the greatest shit I've ever heard.

00:53:34.000 Oh yeah, they were the kings in the 80s, dude.

00:53:37.000 They were the kings.

00:53:37.000 When I was in high school, Everybody knew how to make that Van Halen logo on your notebook.

00:53:42.000 Yeah, the notebook.

00:53:43.000 It was either VH, Queen, Zeppelin, ACDC. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:48.000 They were the kings.

00:53:50.000 They were the kings.

00:53:51.000 But, you know, we never thought they'd be still doing it.

00:53:55.000 No, that's right.

00:53:56.000 And then you'd see Van Halen the last few years live and you'd fucking be still as excited.

00:54:03.000 He still looks smooth as shit.

00:54:04.000 I saw it with David Lee Roth maybe four or five years ago.

00:54:08.000 He's such a character, man.

00:54:11.000 He doesn't have a phone.

00:54:13.000 He doesn't even keep money on him.

00:54:16.000 I went to dinner with him and he has a lady that drops him off with me.

00:54:21.000 She's like his handler.

00:54:23.000 I have her number.

00:54:25.000 She has my number.

00:54:26.000 She's like, call me if anything goes wrong.

00:54:29.000 You're hanging out with David Lee Roth, having dinner with him.

00:54:32.000 I love him talking about fighting with you because you loved him throwing those crazy roundhouse kicks.

00:54:39.000 Oh yeah, he was a real martial artist.

00:54:41.000 He used to train with Benny Orquidez.

00:54:43.000 That's right, yeah.

00:54:45.000 He used to do those things on stage where he'd do a jumping split kick in the middle of the air.

00:54:50.000 Unbelievable.

00:54:50.000 Yeah, look at him.

00:54:51.000 Yeah.

00:54:52.000 He's a real athlete, man.

00:54:53.000 Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

00:54:54.000 He's a stud.

00:54:55.000 Fucking sweet dick on him right there.

00:54:58.000 Look at that guy.

00:55:00.000 Picture where he's got his pants hanging down.

00:55:02.000 Yeah, just enough to show a little hip bone.

00:55:05.000 What is that?

00:55:05.000 Showing some dick root.

00:55:09.000 He's a character, man.

00:55:10.000 Still to this day, he's out to lunch, man.

00:55:12.000 He'll say some interesting shit.

00:55:14.000 He's smart, knows his shit.

00:55:16.000 Whatever he's into, he's deep into it.

00:55:18.000 That guy moved to Japan to train kendo, which is a sword fighting art.

00:55:23.000 Right, right, right.

00:55:24.000 Just him and his dog lived in an apartment in Japan for like years.

00:55:29.000 Man.

00:55:29.000 Just training kendo.

00:55:31.000 I fucking...

00:55:32.000 Anytime you heard that they weren't getting along, you were just like, hey, what?

00:55:36.000 Yeah.

00:55:37.000 Fucking...

00:55:38.000 You know how that goes, though.

00:55:40.000 Anytime it would four fucking people too much, it's going to go wrong.

00:55:44.000 Yeah.

00:55:44.000 Especially those egos and the bands and then girlfriends don't like that guy.

00:55:51.000 Right, right.

00:55:52.000 Yeah, that shit happens.

00:55:53.000 It's like Valerie Bertinelli apparently didn't get along with David Lee Roth.

00:55:57.000 Oh, okay.

00:55:58.000 Yeah, that's going to be painful.

00:56:01.000 That's how it goes.

00:56:03.000 It's hard for bands to stick together, you know?

00:56:05.000 I think that's way harder.

00:56:07.000 I remember you two would always, in interviews, talk about how cool it is that they're still a rock band together.

00:56:14.000 Yeah.

00:56:14.000 The four of them loving each other.

00:56:16.000 If you can get a band that enjoys each other's company, that's a fucking tremendous, tremendous asset.

00:56:21.000 Because so many bands, like, I was just reading today that Pete Townsend doesn't talk to the rest of the guys in The Who.

00:56:29.000 He doesn't talk to Roger Daltrey.

00:56:31.000 They don't talk to each other.

00:56:32.000 Like, how?

00:56:33.000 That's funny, man.

00:56:34.000 I just saw them.

00:56:35.000 I just saw The Who had a benefit, and they fucking destroyed it.

00:56:39.000 It was Daltrey's benefit.

00:56:40.000 And he brought The Who on there, and I think...

00:56:44.000 The drummer was maybe Ringo's Kid.

00:56:48.000 It's either Ringo's Kid or John Bonham's Kid.

00:56:51.000 Anyways, it was great.

00:56:53.000 But Pete and Roger were funny as shit, ragging on each other and saying quick little insults and it was like massive laughs like a comedian.

00:57:03.000 But then they'd fucking have those hits that just take your whole body over and it was great.

00:57:08.000 Yeah, I don't know where they stand now or why they stand that way, but I was just reading an article this morning.

00:57:13.000 Yeah, oh yeah?

00:57:14.000 That they don't talk to each other.

00:57:15.000 Makes sense.

00:57:16.000 These guys, like I remember hearing Sabbath on tour would fucking all show up in different planes.

00:57:21.000 I don't know if any of it's true, but you're like, fucking Tony Ioni and Ozzy don't fucking hang out the whole time?

00:57:29.000 Well, there's always a problem in a band where the lead singer becomes the number one guy, and everybody else is kind of secondary.

00:57:35.000 Yeah, yeah, that's gonna make you piss.

00:57:37.000 The band's called Van Halen, but the main guy's David Lee Roth.

00:57:40.000 Right, right, right.

00:57:41.000 That's the guy everybody wants.

00:57:42.000 Ain't talking about love!

00:57:45.000 Oh my god, hot for teacher?

00:57:47.000 He was the man!

00:57:48.000 And so I could see how egos and feathers would get ruffled, and then the girlfriend on the side would be like, you know, the band's named Van Halen.

00:57:55.000 It's not Van Halen.

00:57:56.000 It'll be rough.

00:57:56.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:57:58.000 Yeah, definitely.

00:57:59.000 Fuck that guy.

00:58:00.000 Fuck that guy and then you gotta stand behind it.

00:58:02.000 He's got all the groupies.

00:58:04.000 Yeah, man.

00:58:05.000 But they had some...

00:58:07.000 Him and Eddie both had the different people who were talking about who's the greatest.

00:58:14.000 It'd be like David Lee.

00:58:16.000 Roth was just the smoothest and funniest and fucking...

00:58:20.000 One of the greatest frontmen of all time.

00:58:21.000 For sure.

00:58:22.000 He was like a stand-up.

00:58:23.000 Just dominated the crowd.

00:58:25.000 I think there was some tape going around with...

00:58:28.000 I remember some shit just like, that's okay, man, because after the show I'm gonna fuck your girlfriend.

00:58:34.000 I don't know, maybe that was David Lee Roth or somebody else, but as a kid you were like, oh my god, fucking what, that was the coolest shit ever.

00:58:41.000 But then I remember Eddie Van Halen When Jump came out the video and seeing him smile and throw down that fucking lead and he was just like, is that the coolest fuck on the planet?

00:58:52.000 With like overalls.

00:58:53.000 Oh yeah.

00:58:54.000 No shirt overalls.

00:58:55.000 I went with the fucking no shirt overalls move one time.

00:58:58.000 Really?

00:58:59.000 On stage?

00:59:00.000 Didn't get the respect.

00:59:01.000 Not as a stand-up, but I thought I was gonna get more respect.

00:59:05.000 But I was on stage.

00:59:07.000 At a battle of the bands, I used to sing and play guitar in a band.

00:59:13.000 I think my mom tie-dyed my overalls and shit, and I was like, I'm going to do it.

00:59:18.000 I'm going.

00:59:18.000 And I showed up, and people were making too much eye contact with me, not wanting to look down at the fucking overalls.

00:59:27.000 It's a bold choice.

00:59:28.000 It was one I couldn't make now.

00:59:30.000 One of the funniest choices is what...

00:59:35.000 If you look back at the metal days, you look back at all the guys who dressed up like gay bikers.

00:59:44.000 Right, right, right.

00:59:45.000 From Judas Priest.

00:59:46.000 It's Rob Halford who tricked everybody into dressing like a gay biker.

00:59:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:59:51.000 Because he was gay.

00:59:51.000 I loved it, yes.

00:59:52.000 So he's like leather pants and the fucking leather biker helmet on and a vest with no shirt on underneath.

00:59:58.000 And all these guys started dressing like that.

01:00:00.000 And they didn't even understand that they had been tricked into dressing like a gay biker.

01:00:04.000 Yeah, yeah, I love that, man.

01:00:06.000 That's a great woman.

01:00:07.000 He was so cool.

01:00:08.000 I saw them at fucking Radio City with Iron Maiden.

01:00:11.000 Really?

01:00:12.000 That was a biggie.

01:00:13.000 Wow.

01:00:14.000 I was up in the balcony screaming, screaming, I want to dress like you.

01:00:17.000 Yeah.

01:00:20.000 Yeah, look at him, man.

01:00:22.000 I mean, come on, dude.

01:00:23.000 Fucking the Hellion.

01:00:27.000 They were nasty.

01:00:28.000 They were nasty.

01:00:29.000 That's the tough looking guy.

01:00:31.000 You got another thing coming.

01:00:32.000 Look at him there with his fucking crazy outfits.

01:00:36.000 It's just so funny, all the different styles of bands that existed.

01:00:40.000 Oh man, I had fucking pleather pants.

01:00:43.000 I wore fake leather pants for a bit.

01:00:45.000 I didn't know my body wasn't great.

01:00:49.000 So I was like, you throw that shit on, you look like a rock star.

01:00:51.000 Then I'd fucking see the pictures that my mom took of me after I looked back and be like, how the fuck did you let me out wearing that shit?

01:00:59.000 It never fit just right.

01:01:01.000 I never had the body for...

01:01:02.000 Like, I would walk into a clothing store growing up.

01:01:05.000 There was a place...

01:01:06.000 You know Sarah Silverman, the comedian?

01:01:09.000 Sure, yeah, I know Sarah.

01:01:10.000 She grew up in the same town as me, and her parents had a store called Junior Dib, I believe, and it was downtown.

01:01:19.000 They sold Levi jeans and all that shit, and I remember...

01:01:24.000 Just going, okay, I'm going to get some cool-ass Levi's, go to school, look like a badass.

01:01:28.000 And I remember when I saw a three-way mirror, I was like, these aren't fitting me like I thought.

01:01:35.000 I don't look as cool in my Levi's as I thought I was.

01:01:39.000 You had an idea of your image.

01:01:41.000 I saw other people wearing that shit going, all right, I'm going to dress like that guy.

01:01:45.000 But it didn't reflect the same when I had it on.

01:01:48.000 Again, youthful delusion.

01:01:50.000 Delusion, yeah.

01:01:51.000 Did you want to be in a band before you wanted to be a comic?

01:01:55.000 Mm-hmm.

01:01:56.000 Wanted that for sure.

01:01:58.000 What kind of music did you guys sing?

01:01:59.000 We did a lot of Aerosmith, a lot of Van Halen, a lot of Sabbath, Zeppelin.

01:02:05.000 Aerosmith just canceled their tour.

01:02:06.000 I know, I know.

01:02:07.000 I guess Steven Tyler, you know, he had that neck injury where he fell and broke one of the bones in his neck.

01:02:14.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:02:14.000 And apparently he just can't sing.

01:02:17.000 He can't open his mouth to sing.

01:02:18.000 Well, they were planning on doing a thing with the Black Crows.

01:02:22.000 Oh, wow.

01:02:23.000 Yeah.

01:02:24.000 And they just, for whatever reason, you know, decided to put the tour out and get going.

01:02:30.000 And then he started and he was like, I can't do it anymore.

01:02:33.000 That is painful.

01:02:34.000 Yeah.

01:02:35.000 Because the guy's whole life was that.

01:02:37.000 And by the way...

01:02:39.000 Did you like Aerosmith growing up?

01:02:41.000 Loved them.

01:02:42.000 They were the bad boys that every tune was nasty.

01:02:46.000 Oh, yeah.

01:02:46.000 That shit was the nastiest.

01:02:48.000 Push that microphone up to your face.

01:02:49.000 Sorry, bro.

01:02:50.000 No worries.

01:02:51.000 I loved...

01:02:53.000 My band played literally like 10 Aerosmith tunes.

01:02:57.000 We'd always fucking play kind of cool ones.

01:02:59.000 Not the massive hits, but the...

01:03:02.000 Whatever, the Mama Kins and the Walking the Dog and kind of cool shit like that.

01:03:07.000 Well, we both grew up in New England and they were the kings.

01:03:09.000 They were the kings of New England.

01:03:10.000 They were the kings.

01:03:11.000 Yes, yes.

01:03:12.000 They were the fucking band.

01:03:13.000 W-A-A-F. Look at that.

01:03:15.000 Yeah, A-A-F. Fuck yeah.

01:03:17.000 Joe Perry, yeah.

01:03:17.000 BCN. Yeah, BCN, A-A-F. What was the kind of alternative?

01:03:23.000 He was the fucking man.

01:03:24.000 Could hit every fucking...

01:03:25.000 How about the fact that I read something that...

01:03:28.000 Yeah, he's a cool bastard.

01:03:30.000 And I met him and they're all great guys.

01:03:32.000 Joe Perry, he's a great guy too.

01:03:33.000 Fucking best.

01:03:34.000 That's a New England accent too on Joe Perry.

01:03:36.000 Oh yeah.

01:03:37.000 It's funny to hear the boys talk.

01:03:39.000 I think somebody lived in New Hampshire.

01:03:41.000 Maybe Steven Tyler lived in New Hampshire because that's where I grew up and they definitely owned New Hampshire.

01:03:49.000 Well, they were the kings of Boston.

01:03:51.000 They were fucking gigantic.

01:03:53.000 I remember the controversy when they did that song with Run DMC when they did Walk This Way.

01:03:59.000 What the fuck?

01:03:59.000 I know.

01:04:00.000 Everybody was like, what's going on?

01:04:02.000 That don't make no sense, I know.

01:04:03.000 Meanwhile, that's a fucking...

01:04:05.000 That was a great song.

01:04:06.000 When fucking Aerosmith came back, they became the Kings again.

01:04:10.000 Exactly.

01:04:11.000 That was their big comeback song.

01:04:13.000 They're kind of faded for a while.

01:04:15.000 And then Walk This Way came along and young people started getting into them again.

01:04:19.000 Absolutely, yeah.

01:04:20.000 It's funny how bands get generational.

01:04:24.000 Right?

01:04:25.000 Even though they're great, like, ah, that's the people that listened in the 70s.

01:04:29.000 Fuck those people.

01:04:30.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:04:31.000 You know, now we listen to this.

01:04:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:04:33.000 And then all it takes is one thing.

01:04:34.000 And then people start going through the catalog.

01:04:36.000 Jesus Christ.

01:04:37.000 Holy shit.

01:04:38.000 These guys are incredible.

01:04:39.000 I was doing, uh, fuck, who the fuck was I listening?

01:04:42.000 I play a lot of the old shit for my kids.

01:04:45.000 And then all of a sudden you just go, wow, they had so many...

01:04:48.000 Bangers!

01:04:49.000 Bangers, yeah.

01:04:50.000 Yeah, especially the young drug-taking days.

01:04:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:04:54.000 The wild Aerosmith days.

01:04:57.000 The first three albums kind of shit.

01:04:58.000 Like Zeppelin, too, yeah.

01:05:00.000 Oh, yeah.

01:05:01.000 Yeah.

01:05:02.000 I mean, it's a different world.

01:05:04.000 Yeah.

01:05:05.000 Every comic wants to be a rock star, and I think most rock stars want to be comics.

01:05:09.000 Yeah, there's some of that, too.

01:05:11.000 There's something about the freedom of comedy that they appreciate.

01:05:14.000 Yes.

01:05:15.000 You don't have a band.

01:05:15.000 You don't need anybody.

01:05:17.000 All you need is a microphone.

01:05:18.000 You don't have sound guys.

01:05:20.000 You don't have anybody.

01:05:21.000 Can you believe that?

01:05:22.000 Yeah.

01:05:22.000 That's my biggest mistake, is I fucking use music in my act, so I gotta...

01:05:28.000 My piano player, Dan Bula, he's the best.

01:05:31.000 I love having him being together on the road, looking back, and we laugh together.

01:05:36.000 That's the greatest part.

01:05:37.000 But back in the day when I just had a mic and didn't have to show up with shit, that really makes it like easier.

01:05:45.000 Oh, it's amazing.

01:05:45.000 Yeah.

01:05:46.000 You know, when I would do these big places like the TD Garden, one of the things that would strike me is like, we're just showing up.

01:05:54.000 There's no trucks.

01:05:55.000 There's no van.

01:05:55.000 It's just a stage.

01:05:57.000 Right.

01:05:57.000 And me and three of my buddies, and that's it.

01:06:00.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:06:01.000 And 16,000 people.

01:06:02.000 But bands play here, and they have fucking trucks and shit.

01:06:05.000 I know.

01:06:05.000 All these people have to break down the stage.

01:06:08.000 They're there.

01:06:08.000 All the fucking pyrotechnics and all the crazy shit these guys have.

01:06:13.000 Right, right.

01:06:14.000 I know.

01:06:15.000 I know.

01:06:15.000 We're cool.

01:06:16.000 We're cool.

01:06:16.000 We did good.

01:06:18.000 Chose the right career.

01:06:19.000 For us.

01:06:20.000 For us.

01:06:21.000 Yeah.

01:06:21.000 Until you watch a rock band, you go, eh, they're kicking our ass, man.

01:06:25.000 It's definitely something different.

01:06:27.000 I mean, rock is kind of like a drug.

01:06:29.000 There's something about going to see a band that's really good.

01:06:32.000 It's like the music hits your body.

01:06:36.000 Yeah, it overwhelms you.

01:06:37.000 Yeah, like a drug.

01:06:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:06:39.000 For sure.

01:06:40.000 The right tune fucks you up.

01:06:42.000 So I agree.

01:06:44.000 Who were some of your first concerts as a...

01:06:47.000 The first concert I saw was Jay Giles' band.

01:06:50.000 You did?

01:06:50.000 Yeah.

01:06:51.000 With Peter Wolfe and fucking...

01:06:53.000 That's as cool as it gets.

01:06:54.000 Yeah, back in the centerfold days.

01:06:56.000 Aerosmith and Jay Giles can battle for the kings of Boston back then.

01:07:00.000 Jay Giles was the fucking man when I was in high school.

01:07:03.000 Yeah.

01:07:04.000 See him.

01:07:04.000 I saw George Thorogood.

01:07:06.000 There you go.

01:07:06.000 Johnny Winter.

01:07:07.000 Yeah, I saw a bunch of bands.

01:07:09.000 Where did you see them?

01:07:10.000 I don't remember.

01:07:11.000 I wish I could remember.

01:07:12.000 I used to go to Worcester...

01:07:15.000 Sure, Worcester Coliseum.

01:07:17.000 Centrum, yeah.

01:07:17.000 Yeah, is that what it was?

01:07:19.000 The Centrum?

01:07:19.000 Yeah, I think so, yeah.

01:07:20.000 Then I got a job when I was 19. I worked at Great Woods.

01:07:24.000 You did?

01:07:25.000 Yeah.

01:07:25.000 Fuck and I played there, what a feeling that was.

01:07:28.000 Yeah.

01:07:28.000 Because we saw so many shows growing up.

01:07:30.000 I saw a lot of comics there too.

01:07:32.000 I saw some comics there when I got paid, and then some comics there I paid to see them.

01:07:37.000 Right.

01:07:38.000 Like I saw Kinnison there, I paid to see Kinnison.

01:07:40.000 You did?

01:07:40.000 That's cool, man.

01:07:41.000 Yeah.

01:07:42.000 I saw Cosby there, I saw Rodney there when I was working.

01:07:47.000 Rodney was backstage naked with a bathrobe on.

01:07:51.000 Yeah, yeah, that's a big Rodney.

01:07:52.000 That was the Rodney days, the bathrobe days.

01:07:55.000 Okay, baby, yeah.

01:07:56.000 He would go on stage with a bathrobe just to make him feel comfortable.

01:07:59.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:07:59.000 He just was completely naked with a bathrobe on and just murdering.

01:08:05.000 Oh, the best, the best.

01:08:06.000 And this was before I'd even thought about doing stand-up.

01:08:08.000 I was 19. Fuck, man.

01:08:10.000 But I got to see...

01:08:11.000 You saw Kinnison.

01:08:13.000 Kinnison always dressed badass.

01:08:15.000 Yes.

01:08:15.000 Like a rock star.

01:08:16.000 Yeah.

01:08:16.000 He fucking had the big long leather coat on and a beret.

01:08:19.000 Yeah.

01:08:20.000 I doubted it.

01:08:21.000 That was just after I'd heard about Kinnison, too.

01:08:23.000 Yeah.

01:08:23.000 I had heard about Kinnison from a girl that I was working with.

01:08:27.000 I was working at, besides doing security guard work, I was working at the Boston Athletic Club in South Boston.

01:08:33.000 Wow, yeah.

01:08:34.000 That's still there, right?

01:08:35.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:08:36.000 I think they got a fucking basketball court there.

01:08:38.000 Yeah, they got basketball.

01:08:39.000 There was a lot of racquetball there.

01:08:41.000 I met Bobby Orr there.

01:08:42.000 You did?

01:08:43.000 That's cool.

01:08:44.000 I had to help Bobby Orr because Bobby Orr had had like fucking 150 knee surgeries, right?

01:08:49.000 His knees were destroyed.

01:08:50.000 And you'd have to help him get on the Versaclimber machine.

01:08:53.000 Oh my goodness.

01:08:54.000 Because Bobby's knees didn't bend.

01:08:55.000 Bobby's knees bended like this much.

01:08:57.000 He had like 12 inches of movement in his knees.

01:09:01.000 And so you'd have to kind of help him get on the Versaclimber machine.

01:09:05.000 Wow.

01:09:06.000 I mean, one of the greatest athletes of all time, you watch him play racquetball, and he would just kind of fall over.

01:09:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:09:10.000 Because, you know, back then...

01:09:12.000 They put it all out there, yeah, yeah.

01:09:14.000 Also, the knee surgeries back then were archaic.

01:09:17.000 Right.

01:09:17.000 They were so primitive.

01:09:18.000 Wow, man.

01:09:18.000 They just used staples and fucking screws.

01:09:21.000 Oh, man.

01:09:21.000 They didn't know what they were doing.

01:09:22.000 You see, a certain age, you see different scars on guys.

01:09:25.000 Oh, his knees, that's Bobby's knees.

01:09:28.000 His knees were destroyed.

01:09:29.000 That sucks, man.

01:09:31.000 Man, what a hero.

01:09:32.000 What a stud.

01:09:32.000 Always loved him.

01:09:33.000 He had 20 knee surgeries.

01:09:35.000 Fucking insane.

01:09:36.000 Was that your team, the Bruins?

01:09:38.000 I didn't really watch sports.

01:09:39.000 Oh, yeah?

01:09:40.000 You didn't?

01:09:40.000 No.

01:09:41.000 Once I got into martial arts, I really didn't care about any sports.

01:09:43.000 That's pretty cool, man, that you didn't because I know that's the biggest sport town.

01:09:49.000 Oh, it was a huge sport town.

01:09:50.000 Everybody called me a pussy because I didn't know anything about football, basketball, baseball.

01:09:54.000 I didn't care.

01:09:55.000 Yeah.

01:09:56.000 That's pretty good that you had your own thought process going.

01:09:58.000 I would join right in with trying to make the other kids like me, dropping something.

01:10:03.000 Well, when I was 15, I just became obsessed with martial arts.

01:10:07.000 That's great.

01:10:08.000 And I didn't care about anything else.

01:10:09.000 I literally didn't care about anything else.

01:10:11.000 I'd watch basketball.

01:10:12.000 I'd be like, this is nonsense.

01:10:13.000 Who cares if that ball goes in that hole?

01:10:15.000 Fucking cool, man.

01:10:16.000 That doesn't mean anything to me.

01:10:17.000 My dad always told me to do that shit.

01:10:19.000 He'd be like, do martial arts, do martial arts.

01:10:21.000 And like I said, I went to this guy's black cat.

01:10:24.000 I wish I knew his name.

01:10:26.000 And I did that.

01:10:27.000 And then I think a little earlier in life I tried it out.

01:10:30.000 But just my body, man, I wasn't meant for it.

01:10:33.000 It's not for everybody.

01:10:35.000 It's good, though.

01:10:36.000 It's like everything in life.

01:10:37.000 Things that are not for you.

01:10:39.000 You just gotta find the thing that is for you.

01:10:41.000 Yeah, I found a few, and that's all I do.

01:10:45.000 Hoop, comedy, that's it.

01:10:47.000 Perfect.

01:10:47.000 That's all you need for a happy life.

01:10:49.000 Yeah, I guess so.

01:10:50.000 So this girl I used to work with, she was like a volleyball player, and she was really hilarious.

01:10:54.000 And she was working at the front desk, and she was like, oh my god, I saw this guy.

01:10:57.000 This was 1986, is when Kinison had his HBO special.

01:11:01.000 And she told me about it.

01:11:02.000 She's like, there's this guy, and his name is Sam Kinison.

01:11:05.000 And you know that bit he did about homosexual necrophiliacs paying money to spend a few hours undisturbed with the freshest male corpses?

01:11:14.000 Remember that bit?

01:11:15.000 I kind of...

01:11:15.000 So she told me about this bit.

01:11:18.000 We're hanging out in the parking lot of the Boston Athletic Club.

01:11:21.000 And this girl is lying down on her stomach on the ground.

01:11:25.000 And she's like, oh, oh!

01:11:27.000 My life keeps fucking in the ass even after you're dead!

01:11:30.000 It never ends!

01:11:31.000 And I was laughing so hard.

01:11:33.000 Wow, yeah.

01:11:33.000 And I remember, like, this girl, just her doing Kinnison's bit made me go to the video store to get a VHS of Kinnison's special.

01:11:42.000 Because the first time I saw it, it came out on video.

01:11:45.000 And then I watched it, I was like, oh my god.

01:11:47.000 And that was like the first seed in my head where I was like, okay, this is comedy too?

01:11:52.000 Because I didn't know that was comedy.

01:11:53.000 I thought comedy was something I really liked, but it was so different than me.

01:11:57.000 It was nothing that I would ever do.

01:12:00.000 It was just different.

01:12:01.000 It was like, I didn't see myself that way.

01:12:03.000 But I saw that guy, I'm like, that guy's a fucking animal.

01:12:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:12:06.000 He was tough as shit.

01:12:07.000 This is a different kind of comedy.

01:12:09.000 And that was like the first seeds in my head that I had of doing comedy.

01:12:13.000 Yeah, that's amazing.

01:12:14.000 And then I got to see him live at Greatwoods.

01:12:17.000 But I saw Bon Jovi there.

01:12:19.000 I saw, fuck, I saw everybody.

01:12:20.000 I quit the night Neil Young was there, and they had a riot.

01:12:25.000 Really?

01:12:26.000 Yeah.

01:12:26.000 In New England, huh?

01:12:27.000 Well, the lawn, you know how Mansfield, Great Woods has that lawn out there?

01:12:33.000 Well, it was cold out, and people were starting fires on the lawn.

01:12:37.000 And so they were, like, starting these little bonfires, and, you know, we had to break up the fires.

01:12:42.000 And then brawls started breaking out.

01:12:44.000 And I always knew that...

01:12:47.000 This job was like, you know, what did you get paid, like $20 an hour?

01:12:50.000 I'm not going to fight somebody for $20 an hour.

01:12:52.000 This is crazy.

01:12:53.000 So I always carried a hoodie with me.

01:12:55.000 And so I had my security shirt.

01:12:56.000 And then as soon as shit would go south, I put the hoodie on, like, I'm out of here.

01:13:00.000 And that's what I did.

01:13:01.000 That night, I quit.

01:13:02.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:13:03.000 I quit the night.

01:13:04.000 That's funny, man.

01:13:05.000 Yeah.

01:13:06.000 Fuck.

01:13:07.000 20 bucks to get in a full-on brawl.

01:13:10.000 Yeah, there was brawls breaking out left and right.

01:13:12.000 The first night I was there, I watched one of the security guys beat this guy with a walkie-talkie.

01:13:18.000 And I was like, Jesus, what did I sign up for?

01:13:20.000 It was a crazy job.

01:13:21.000 Because some guy had stole one of the golf carts.

01:13:24.000 And there was this dude named Alley Cat, who was the head of security there.

01:13:28.000 Uh-huh.

01:13:28.000 And Alley Cat tackled this guy, and he's beating him in the head with a walkie-talkie.

01:13:34.000 Wow, man.

01:13:34.000 And I was like, whoa.

01:13:36.000 Okay, what did I sign up for?

01:13:38.000 Did you get in fights after you learned your shit?

01:13:42.000 No.

01:13:43.000 No?

01:13:43.000 That's cool.

01:13:44.000 No.

01:13:45.000 And I avoided them all.

01:13:46.000 That's amazing.

01:13:46.000 I'm not interested in fights.

01:13:48.000 I would like fights where they were planned.

01:13:51.000 Like meeting a guy in football?

01:13:52.000 No, like tournaments and stuff.

01:13:54.000 Yeah, that's cool.

01:13:55.000 Kickboxing matches.

01:13:56.000 I do a lot of those, but those to me made sense.

01:13:59.000 Fighting on the street, it's like, no.

01:14:01.000 People have guns.

01:14:02.000 People have knives.

01:14:03.000 This is fucking stupid.

01:14:05.000 I was always...

01:14:06.000 Nervous.

01:14:07.000 I never felt like...

01:14:09.000 You get in a fight with someone and someone hits you in the back of the head with a bat.

01:14:12.000 Also, if you fight someone, that's never the end.

01:14:16.000 They're going to go get their cousins.

01:14:18.000 They're going to get their brother.

01:14:19.000 They're going to try to find you when you're alone.

01:14:21.000 That's true.

01:14:22.000 You don't want that kind of problem in your life.

01:14:23.000 Just move on.

01:14:24.000 Oh, it's so easy to just take whatever they're throwing at you that's supposed to start the fight, just being going, yeah, okay, that makes sense.

01:14:33.000 You're right.

01:14:34.000 I am a piece of shit.

01:14:36.000 I'm going to get out of here now.

01:14:37.000 Well, it all means nothing.

01:14:39.000 It only means something to you if you believe them.

01:14:42.000 Yes, yes.

01:14:42.000 If someone says you're a pussy, you're like, okay.

01:14:45.000 What does that mean?

01:14:46.000 This doesn't mean anything.

01:14:47.000 You're just saying words.

01:14:49.000 Until you try to hit me, this is nonsense.

01:14:51.000 It's like, oh, you have a bad opinion of me?

01:14:53.000 Oh, that's okay.

01:14:54.000 I don't really care.

01:14:56.000 And also, I was tired all the time because I was training like six, seven days a week.

01:15:01.000 So I was like, I don't want to be involved in this stupid shit.

01:15:04.000 Right, yeah.

01:15:04.000 I already worked out today.

01:15:05.000 I can't fight you.

01:15:06.000 Also, I was very aware of the consequences of violence.

01:15:09.000 By the time I was 21 years old, I'd probably seen 40 or 50 people get knocked unconscious.

01:15:15.000 Right.

01:15:16.000 At least.

01:15:17.000 What a terrible sight that is.

01:15:18.000 Probably a lot more than that.

01:15:20.000 I've seen so many people snore, you know, just on the ground twitching and snoring.

01:15:24.000 I'd seen so much of that.

01:15:26.000 I grew up with that.

01:15:28.000 So it's like, to me, I was like, I don't want none of that in my life.

01:15:31.000 I don't want to have anything to do with this, especially outside of fighting.

01:15:35.000 Yeah.

01:15:35.000 Concrete floors and shit.

01:15:37.000 Head hitting the ground.

01:15:39.000 KJ worked with a guy in Long Island when KJ was a bouncer, and this guy killed a guy.

01:15:45.000 He punched a guy, the guy fell, hit his head, and died.

01:15:49.000 Now the guy has to go to jail.

01:15:50.000 Now you're working as a bouncer, just like I was working, as a security guard in Great Woods.

01:15:56.000 You could have got in a fight, hit someone, and now you're in jail.

01:15:59.000 And you're like, for what?

01:16:01.000 Holy shit, man.

01:16:03.000 That's so cool you worked at Greatwoods, though.

01:16:05.000 That's like, what a destination to go to and see so many great fucking bands.

01:16:10.000 You know, it's funny, you said Kinnison.

01:16:12.000 I used to be on MTV when I was young, and we'd go to Daytona Beach.

01:16:18.000 You were on remote control, right?

01:16:19.000 I was on remote control.

01:16:20.000 That's right.

01:16:21.000 Quinn.

01:16:21.000 Quinn got me on there.

01:16:22.000 And it was the best.

01:16:24.000 But we went to spring break, Daytona Beach, and Kinison was at the height.

01:16:30.000 And I went to...

01:16:32.000 It was the first guy I saw at an arena.

01:16:34.000 Kinison and some other bad boys.

01:16:37.000 Some guys, I forget their names.

01:16:39.000 Probably Carl LeBeau.

01:16:40.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:16:40.000 Carl LeBeau, right?

01:16:41.000 And a couple other guys.

01:16:42.000 They're all kind of really funny, tough bastards.

01:16:45.000 The outlaws of comedy.

01:16:46.000 That's it.

01:16:46.000 That's right.

01:16:47.000 That's what it was.

01:16:48.000 And I saw Kinison destroy.

01:16:51.000 And it was like...

01:16:54.000 I saw Rodney at a theater in Florida where it felt like fucking...

01:16:58.000 Holy shit, this is a rock show because it was bam, bam, bam.

01:17:03.000 Rodney.

01:17:03.000 Rapid fire like a machine gun.

01:17:05.000 The best Rodney would crush for like eight minutes and then go, I know a lot of fucking jokes, baby.

01:17:11.000 And they go, ah!

01:17:13.000 You know, that was so cool, man.

01:17:14.000 But Kinison, too, just took over.

01:17:17.000 I saw him in the moment.

01:17:19.000 It was amazing.

01:17:20.000 Yeah, I got to see Kinison decline, too.

01:17:24.000 I got to see the decline, because I saw him a couple of times live, and the last time I saw him live, it was in New Hampshire, and there was not that many people there.

01:17:32.000 I drove to this theater with this girl that I was dating.

01:17:36.000 I was probably 20 at the time.

01:17:39.000 Again, it was before I did comedy.

01:17:40.000 And he was just, it was already like boozing heavy.

01:17:45.000 Yeah.

01:17:45.000 And it wasn't as good.

01:17:47.000 Right.

01:17:48.000 Because he peaked in 86. I feel like the Kinnison from 86 is probably one of the greatest comedians that ever lived, if not the best.

01:17:56.000 He was a monster.

01:17:57.000 He was a monster.

01:17:59.000 Yeah.

01:18:00.000 I was doing blow and drinking and hanging out with rock stars and just partying.

01:18:06.000 His brother wrote about it.

01:18:08.000 Did you ever read his brother's book, Brother Sam?

01:18:11.000 His brother Bill.

01:18:12.000 It's a great book.

01:18:13.000 It's a great book.

01:18:14.000 If you're a fan of stand-up, I tell anybody, go buy that book because it's a great book.

01:18:18.000 And Bill said that you could see the drop-off in Sam's material because he just stopped writing.

01:18:25.000 He wasn't hungry anymore.

01:18:26.000 He had made it.

01:18:28.000 Because there's this hunger inside of him to make it as a comedian and that's what led him to be outrageous and do all those jokes about the starving kids in Africa and all these different jokes he did that were just so outrageous and that preacher's voice and that fucking powerful delivery.

01:18:46.000 But then when he made it, man...

01:18:48.000 He got real fat and just drinking every night.

01:18:51.000 Yeah, he was slower.

01:18:52.000 Started wearing the bandana days, the rock star days.

01:18:55.000 It just dropped off.

01:18:57.000 It wasn't the same.

01:18:57.000 It was like a caricature of Kinnison.

01:18:59.000 That's funny.

01:19:00.000 It just happens.

01:19:01.000 It happens when you're drinking or doing whatever the fuck it was.

01:19:04.000 I got a lot of coke.

01:19:06.000 Yeah, sure.

01:19:06.000 I think that's the one that really drains people.

01:19:08.000 Well, that makes you not think straight.

01:19:10.000 You're definitely all over the place.

01:19:12.000 You can't stay steady with a thought.

01:19:15.000 Yeah.

01:19:16.000 But I remember I met him a couple times.

01:19:19.000 Pauly, sure, was very tight with him.

01:19:21.000 And I knew Pauline.

01:19:23.000 I hung out with Kenison a couple times, but I saw him at the improv.

01:19:29.000 The last time I saw him, he was so sweet.

01:19:34.000 He was so nice to me.

01:19:36.000 And he remembered that we hung a little bit.

01:19:38.000 I was a young fucking dummy, and he was nice to me.

01:19:41.000 And he had that kind of glaze, had a few too many in the eyes, but he was just...

01:19:50.000 He definitely was...

01:19:51.000 When he walked into the fucking improv that night, every comedian was like, well, holy shit, there he is, the fucking man.

01:19:58.000 You know?

01:19:59.000 It was cool.

01:19:59.000 He changed comedy.

01:20:01.000 He really did, because there was no comedy like that before Kennison came around.

01:20:04.000 He was a different kind of comedy.

01:20:06.000 It was like, all of a sudden, comedy was like, you could yell.

01:20:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:20:11.000 Oh my God, that was the biggest.

01:20:14.000 He was just a force.

01:20:15.000 And the preacher's voice, that thing that he had, where he had that charisma of being this tent revival preacher.

01:20:22.000 Yes, yes.

01:20:23.000 Everybody would talk quiet.

01:20:27.000 Oh my god, and he was a legend at the store You know when I got to the store goes through these eras right and when I got to the store it was 94 and the Kinison era had Ended he died and then there was this big drop-off like the store was kind of vacant when I got there in 94 it was weird like the shows would be half empty and Yeah,

01:20:49.000 yeah, they were having problems for a bit.

01:20:51.000 But they all had these stories.

01:20:53.000 All the guys like Harris, Pete, and the guys that were still around, they all had these stories about when Kinnison was there.

01:20:58.000 He would perform at midnight, and around 1130, all these rock stars would start showing up, and movie stars, and they would all go there to see Kinnison.

01:21:07.000 So he had the midnight spot.

01:21:10.000 Fucking cool.

01:21:11.000 And they would all go, and I remember thinking, imagine people coming to the comedy store just to see you.

01:21:16.000 That must be so insane.

01:21:17.000 That's fucking cool as fuck.

01:21:19.000 Oh, it was the coolest because it was all just word of mouth.

01:21:22.000 Yeah, man.

01:21:23.000 This is like 84-ish.

01:21:24.000 Before he popped, everybody just knew about him.

01:21:29.000 Rock, rock.

01:21:30.000 I remember Chris was in Vegas, and I went to see him with Nicholson and Jim Brooks.

01:21:40.000 Wow.

01:21:40.000 And we were sitting there, and fucking Nicholson was laughing his ass off.

01:21:45.000 And I had that thought you just had.

01:21:47.000 I was just going, fucking rock is so cool.

01:21:50.000 Right.

01:21:50.000 That people fucking fly.

01:21:52.000 Right.

01:21:53.000 An hour, like, where is he?

01:21:54.000 Let me go see him.

01:21:55.000 They sit back and laugh, and I fucking just go, shit, Rock, you really are a fucking stud, man.

01:22:00.000 Oh, yeah, the Bring the Pain days, Bigger and Blacker and Bring the Pain, two of the greatest specials of all time.

01:22:05.000 Unbelievable.

01:22:06.000 Of all time.

01:22:06.000 Flawless.

01:22:07.000 Flawless.

01:22:08.000 Yeah, yeah, he's a badass.

01:22:09.000 I talked to Rock yesterday.

01:22:12.000 Just for like 10 minutes or something, and we got really excited about stand-up again.

01:22:17.000 I go, you're right?

01:22:18.000 And he goes, I kind of am.

01:22:20.000 Like, he can't stop.

01:22:21.000 When he was doing his tour, he was like, I need a break, blah, blah, blah.

01:22:25.000 He just did like a fucking year on the road or some shit.

01:22:28.000 And then he's right back to like, got some ideas.

01:22:32.000 Yeah, I think that's a good way to do it.

01:22:34.000 Take a little break and just refresh your mind so you're not running stale.

01:22:38.000 Of course.

01:22:38.000 Because he did a live special too.

01:22:40.000 His live special was, fuck, I loved it.

01:22:42.000 Yeah, and it was also like the build-up because of getting slapped by Will Smith and all that crazy shit.

01:22:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:22:48.000 I think that was like the best thing that ever happened to him.

01:22:51.000 Because then he became like wild again.

01:22:54.000 Like his stand-up was like outrageous.

01:22:56.000 It was like the rock of old.

01:22:58.000 That night was like watching a fucking Super Bowl.

01:23:02.000 You were just like...

01:23:03.000 What?

01:23:03.000 It's a live event?

01:23:04.000 Holy fuck!

01:23:05.000 What the fuck?

01:23:06.000 And then he was a badass and I think he had some white shit on and he looked cool as fuck and you were waiting for him to talk about it and then he got to it and he got fucking excited.

01:23:16.000 Well, he didn't talk about it for a while.

01:23:18.000 Yeah, right.

01:23:19.000 Like, he would tell people, if you think I'm gonna talk about it, I'm not.

01:23:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:23:23.000 He wanted to be ready, and he wanted to really think about what he was gonna say and how to say it.

01:23:27.000 That's because of where we are in life, where anything you say is fucking on the internet the next day.

01:23:32.000 So he's like, I gotta be careful and not blow this shit up.

01:23:35.000 Also, they would ruin the bits.

01:23:37.000 Yeah.

01:23:37.000 Because people would just tell the bits, and it wasn't even ready yet.

01:23:40.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:23:41.000 Because if you have a life-changing event, like getting slapped at the Oscars in this most preposterous scenario.

01:23:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:23:48.000 The whole thing was preposterous.

01:23:49.000 I think for him it was also a wake-up call like, hey, these motherfuckers don't really care about me.

01:23:54.000 In that moment, yeah.

01:23:56.000 They didn't protect me.

01:23:57.000 Nobody stopped it.

01:23:58.000 He went back and sat down, and then he got an award afterwards.

01:24:01.000 He got a standing ovation.

01:24:02.000 What the fuck is going on here?

01:24:04.000 It was fucking weird.

01:24:06.000 Yeah, because you always want to be that guy who's hosting the Oscars and who's starring in the big movies, and that's what everybody wanted.

01:24:15.000 Everybody wanted to be the big movie star.

01:24:17.000 But then you realize, like, well, these people are fuckers, you know?

01:24:20.000 Like, what did you do?

01:24:22.000 How did you set this up?

01:24:23.000 How come nobody tackled him?

01:24:25.000 That was a fucking weird moment.

01:24:27.000 Oh, the weirdest.

01:24:29.000 Yeah.

01:24:29.000 It's like a guy just showing his ass like you just pulled your pants down and showed the world your ass like why did you do that?

01:24:36.000 He probably does he probably wakes up in the middle of the night going why did I do that?

01:24:41.000 The whole thing was sucks.

01:24:42.000 Beyond.

01:24:44.000 It was almost like a guy who doesn't know how normal people act thinking this is what you're supposed to do go smack that guy.

01:24:52.000 It became fucking just Just went to a place that he couldn't get out of.

01:25:00.000 Yeah.

01:25:00.000 And started it.

01:25:01.000 And still there.

01:25:02.000 He's still there.

01:25:03.000 In everybody's mind, when you see Will Smith, oh, he slapped Chris Rock.

01:25:06.000 That's like, I mean, not I Am Legend, not Muhammad Ali, not insanely good movies.

01:25:13.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:25:14.000 He's an incredible actor.

01:25:15.000 Absolutely, yes.

01:25:15.000 He's been in so many banger movies.

01:25:17.000 He's a fucking blockbuster movie star.

01:25:20.000 And people see him, they go, oh, he slapped Chris Rock.

01:25:22.000 Fuck that guy.

01:25:22.000 Fucking sucks.

01:25:23.000 God damn it.

01:25:24.000 Terrible.

01:25:25.000 It sucks, man.

01:25:26.000 Fucking, yeah, it follows you around.

01:25:28.000 It sucks.

01:25:29.000 But my man, Rock, and the Kinesens, and that shit, when you spread it, that happens like once every fucking eight years or something where somebody becomes this shit.

01:25:44.000 Yeah.

01:25:44.000 Every now and then, someone pops through and it elevates all of us.

01:25:48.000 Yes.

01:25:48.000 Everybody that gets to see it, they go, oh my god, I want to be better.

01:25:51.000 I want to write more.

01:25:52.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:25:52.000 When I used to see Chris at the store, whenever Chris would come in and he'd do a set, I'd watch and I'd be like, oh my god.

01:25:59.000 I remember one time I was fucking in the back of the room and this comic...

01:26:02.000 He stood in front while I was watching Chris.

01:26:05.000 He's like, dude, I gotta get on your podcast.

01:26:07.000 I'm like, you gotta get the fuck away from me.

01:26:09.000 I'm watching Chris Rock.

01:26:10.000 Why aren't you watching Chris Rock?

01:26:12.000 He's one of the greats, and he's on stage right now, and you're talking to me.

01:26:16.000 Holy shit.

01:26:17.000 Get the fuck out of here.

01:26:18.000 That's so funny, man.

01:26:18.000 That guy's never been on my podcast to this day.

01:26:20.000 I'm like, get out of here.

01:26:22.000 You ruined the moment.

01:26:23.000 Get the fuck out of here.

01:26:25.000 Dude, Rock is...

01:26:27.000 Never wasted a fucking minute on stage.

01:26:30.000 Always trying to shit out.

01:26:32.000 Either notebook or just trying to remember or whatever.

01:26:36.000 Never fucking got tense with the crowd.

01:26:39.000 Just like, they're not liking this, but I'm liking it, so I'm gonna keep going.

01:26:43.000 Well, he would do this thing where he would go on stage and he would just have raw premises.

01:26:48.000 And he was so comfortable with total silence.

01:26:51.000 Yes, yes, yes.

01:26:52.000 Where it wasn't going well, and then he would catch fire and then start killing.

01:26:57.000 Yeah, man.

01:26:58.000 And then they're like, oh, it is Chris Rock.

01:27:00.000 And then it would go right back.

01:27:01.000 He was using them as a sounding board.

01:27:03.000 And he would tell them, I'm practicing.

01:27:06.000 I remember one time he went on, somebody fucking killed.

01:27:10.000 And he went on, and the first thing he said, hold on, relax, it ain't gonna be that funny.

01:27:15.000 They told him, it's not gonna be that funny.

01:27:18.000 I'm working on some shit.

01:27:19.000 But that's how you develop a monster hour.

01:27:22.000 You have to start off with building a structure and get a foundation.

01:27:27.000 Even your first night of the tour, by the last night, you go, now that's my act now.

01:27:33.000 The friends who saw you the first two nights, you're like...

01:27:36.000 Fuck, I wish you would have seen me fucking...

01:27:38.000 Right.

01:27:38.000 A couple weeks later, I figured out that bit.

01:27:41.000 Yeah, you don't want anybody to see you when you're doing a workout set.

01:27:44.000 Like, get the fuck out of here.

01:27:45.000 Oh, man.

01:27:46.000 This is a workout set.

01:27:47.000 This could be terrible.

01:27:49.000 This could end badly.

01:27:50.000 Especially when a buddy sees you eating it.

01:27:51.000 Yeah, like that.

01:27:52.000 What a feeling.

01:27:53.000 Yeah.

01:27:53.000 There's no dismount here.

01:27:55.000 Yeah.

01:27:56.000 Yeah, it's interesting how those guys, like a guy like Rock or Kinison or Louie or anybody who's just like really killing it.

01:28:05.000 Yeah.

01:28:05.000 It elevates everybody around you.

01:28:07.000 Yeah, man.

01:28:08.000 Everybody gets a little better because of that, because you get inspired.

01:28:12.000 I fucking agree.

01:28:12.000 I think...

01:28:14.000 Rock was on stage and just killed one time.

01:28:17.000 And I remember Jon Stewart, who was probably 24 at the time.

01:28:21.000 I think I was like 18 or 20 or whatever our age difference is.

01:28:25.000 Jon Stewart goes, I don't want to.

01:28:27.000 I quit.

01:28:28.000 I don't want to.

01:28:29.000 He's just like, God damn, that's good, man.

01:28:31.000 Well, you know, that's what Eric Clapton said when he saw Jimi Hendrix.

01:28:34.000 Yeah.

01:28:35.000 He saw Jimi Hendrix, he's like, what am I doing?

01:28:37.000 What the fuck am I doing?

01:28:39.000 Why am I even doing this?

01:28:39.000 You feel like a phony after you see you got great shit.

01:28:41.000 Yeah.

01:28:42.000 Well, especially a guy like Hendrix that comes along and is doing something completely different than everybody else.

01:28:48.000 Oh, yeah, man.

01:28:48.000 Everybody else is playing guitar.

01:28:50.000 They're all great.

01:28:51.000 And then all of a sudden this guy comes on.

01:28:53.000 Oh, my goodness.

01:28:54.000 I know.

01:28:56.000 Oh, that was a nasty one.

01:28:58.000 When I work with Phil Hartman, He told me a story.

01:29:01.000 When he was 18 years old, he worked at the Whiskey.

01:29:05.000 And his job was, they had those stage monitors, and sometimes the stage monitors, the artist would accidentally kick them and they would go into the crowd.

01:29:14.000 So his job was this, because they were, you ever been to the Whiskey?

01:29:18.000 Yeah, sure.

01:29:19.000 Small stage, right?

01:29:20.000 Not that big.

01:29:21.000 And so, when he would, he'd have to stand there, like, to be prepared to, like, catch the speaker.

01:29:28.000 Uh-huh.

01:29:28.000 And Hendrix was right there.

01:29:31.000 Like, where you are to me, Hendrix was.

01:29:34.000 And he was 18 years old.

01:29:35.000 And he's like, dude, it was insane.

01:29:38.000 That's so funny, man.

01:29:39.000 Because Phil could play a little guitar, too.

01:29:41.000 But he was watching.

01:29:41.000 He's like, I'm watching literally the greatest guitarist of all time.

01:29:45.000 And he's three feet away from me.

01:29:47.000 That's fucking cool, man.

01:29:48.000 Insane.

01:29:49.000 And Phil did all the Alden covers and shit.

01:29:52.000 I have one of them out here.

01:29:53.000 One of them framed.

01:29:55.000 One of his album covers.

01:29:57.000 He's a great artist.

01:29:58.000 He was a very interesting guy.

01:30:01.000 He could do so many different things.

01:30:04.000 He studied so he made me feel like such a fraud because he would study his lines and he would have like little post-it tabs Well different colored ones for different scenes and you have notes and all these different things and he he would like prepare for me prepare in the mirror I was like no he was the pro for sure such a pro with everything I know man Like,

01:30:26.000 when we were doing the show, he was getting his pilot's license.

01:30:29.000 So, like, every day, in between scenes, he'd be, like, reading these pilot's manuals.

01:30:34.000 He was just, like, so dedicated to something.

01:30:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:30:39.000 I lived in the same apartment building when I was on SNL as Phil.

01:30:43.000 Oh, wow.

01:30:43.000 So I'd see him, and we'd go up on the elevators together and talk about shit.

01:30:47.000 I was, you know, of course, he was older, so you were just excited that he'd be talking to you.

01:30:51.000 Yeah.

01:30:51.000 He was a cool motherfucker, yeah.

01:30:53.000 I remember the first day on the set of news radio, like I couldn't even believe he was really there.

01:30:58.000 Yes.

01:30:58.000 I was like looking over across the table, you know, doing the table read, and I'm like, how did I get on this fucking show?

01:31:03.000 I had zero acting.

01:31:06.000 Like, I did this one.

01:31:06.000 How'd you get it?

01:31:09.000 The craziest story.

01:31:10.000 The whole thing's crazy.

01:31:11.000 I did MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour, right?

01:31:13.000 Right.

01:31:14.000 You do like, whatever, five, seven minutes, whatever that is.

01:31:16.000 Who was the host?

01:31:16.000 Joiner?

01:31:17.000 Yeah, Mario Joyner.

01:31:18.000 So I did MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour.

01:31:21.000 I got a development deal out of nowhere for MTV. That's big.

01:31:25.000 MTV was offering me a development deal, and then my manager started saying it was very little money.

01:31:30.000 It was like 500 bucks, and they were going to lock me up for like three years.

01:31:33.000 It was crazy low money.

01:31:35.000 It was so stupid.

01:31:36.000 But you would join me.

01:31:37.000 But I was like thinking about doing it.

01:31:38.000 You want me?

01:31:38.000 Let's do it.

01:31:39.000 I was thinking about doing it because this is like after Remote Control and they'd made Dennis Leary famous.

01:31:43.000 Yes.

01:31:44.000 They had decided they were going to lock people up to deals now because Leary got famous off that and then he took off and then kind of went away from MTV. I see.

01:31:50.000 So they had decided that they were going to lock up talent.

01:31:54.000 So if I did this pilot, if the pilot got picked up, I would have been there.

01:31:58.000 So my manager said, He said, I have an idea.

01:32:01.000 And so he decided to send my MTV tape out to all these studios and say, this guy's about to sign a development deal for MTV, locked up, but he's still available.

01:32:13.000 So then I started getting all these phones.

01:32:14.000 People would call my apartment.

01:32:16.000 I was at home like, hello?

01:32:17.000 And they're like, hi, this is Boba Bob from Universal.

01:32:20.000 We want to get you on a plane right now to Los Angeles.

01:32:22.000 I was like, what?

01:32:23.000 So I called my manager, I called Sussie, and I was like, hey dude, these fucking people are calling my apartment.

01:32:28.000 He goes, don't answer your phone.

01:32:29.000 He goes, go to the pool hall, don't answer the phone, and he goes, just leave it all to me.

01:32:34.000 And so within like three weeks, I had this crazy deal for like $150,000, which is the most money I'd ever even heard of in my life.

01:32:41.000 And all of a sudden, I was in Hollywood.

01:32:43.000 Like, out of nowhere.

01:32:45.000 So what was the deal with like CBS? It was with Disney.

01:32:48.000 Oh, wow.

01:32:49.000 Which is crazy, because I was...

01:32:50.000 Filthy!

01:32:51.000 Right, yeah, yeah.

01:32:51.000 And all of a sudden I have a deal with Disney, and I'm on this Fox sitcom.

01:32:56.000 And so I had to get acting lessons, so I took a few acting lessons.

01:33:00.000 I hated it.

01:33:01.000 I was like, this is gross.

01:33:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:33:03.000 But I knew how to just pretend.

01:33:06.000 I'm like, I pretend on stage.

01:33:07.000 I'll just pretend.

01:33:08.000 Like, sitcom acting is pretty easy.

01:33:09.000 Right.

01:33:10.000 And so all of a sudden I'm on this sitcom, it gets canceled, and I'm like, oh, I was thinking about moving back to New York, but I was like, I hated L.A. I hated being around actors.

01:33:18.000 You couldn't joke around with them.

01:33:20.000 They were all so sensitive.

01:33:21.000 Everyone was on pills.

01:33:22.000 They were all on antidepressants.

01:33:24.000 I was like, get me out of here.

01:33:25.000 I can't deal with it.

01:33:26.000 I want to go back to comics.

01:33:27.000 And so I was ready to move back to New York, but I had got this fucking apartment.

01:33:31.000 I thought that the sitcom was going to go.

01:33:33.000 So I got a lease on this beautiful apartment in North Hollywood.

01:33:36.000 I had a loft and a pool table.

01:33:37.000 I thought I was balling.

01:33:39.000 You know, I was making like 20 grand a week.

01:33:41.000 I was like, this is amazing.

01:33:42.000 That's fucking big, yeah.

01:33:42.000 It's crazy!

01:33:43.000 I was like, I'm rich!

01:33:45.000 So I got this apartment.

01:33:46.000 I'm like, wow, I have this apartment.

01:33:47.000 I can't just leave the apartment.

01:33:48.000 What the fuck do I do?

01:33:50.000 And so then I got another development deal.

01:33:52.000 Jeez.

01:33:52.000 So I'd gone on two auditions in my entire life.

01:33:56.000 One of them was Hardball, got that show.

01:33:58.000 The other one was NewsRadio.

01:33:59.000 I got that show.

01:34:00.000 That's fucking crazy.

01:34:01.000 It made no sense.

01:34:02.000 Made no sense.

01:34:03.000 And all of a sudden, I'm sitting there.

01:34:05.000 And I'm sitting across from Phil Hartman.

01:34:07.000 I'm like, this is crazy.

01:34:08.000 That's a biggie.

01:34:09.000 I had full imposter syndrome.

01:34:12.000 And that show fucking kept going for a while.

01:34:13.000 Newsradio was big.

01:34:15.000 No, it wasn't.

01:34:15.000 It wasn't?

01:34:16.000 I thought it was...

01:34:17.000 Isn't that Brillstein Grey?

01:34:18.000 Yeah.

01:34:18.000 It wasn't big until after it was canceled.

01:34:21.000 Oh, I see.

01:34:21.000 And then it went into syndication.

01:34:22.000 How many years did it?

01:34:23.000 Five years.

01:34:24.000 That's pretty good.

01:34:25.000 Yeah, but it became really big in syndication.

01:34:28.000 I see, I see.

01:34:29.000 I think we did five years.

01:34:31.000 We did like 98 shows.

01:34:33.000 Who else was on?

01:34:34.000 I forget.

01:34:35.000 Maura Tierney.

01:34:36.000 Right, right, right.

01:34:37.000 Dave Foley, amazing.

01:34:38.000 That's right.

01:34:39.000 Andy Dick.

01:34:39.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:34:40.000 And that's how I met Farley, through Andy.

01:34:41.000 And then Candy Alexander, she was awesome.

01:34:44.000 Vicky Lewis, he was awesome.

01:34:45.000 Stephen Root, amazing.

01:34:46.000 All right.

01:34:47.000 So it was a great cast.

01:34:48.000 I felt like a fraud.

01:34:50.000 I was like, all these people have background in theater and background in films and movies and TV shows.

01:34:56.000 And I was just like, this is a dirty comedian.

01:34:58.000 Film made everybody feel that way.

01:35:00.000 Everybody was kind of like, well, he's the next level.

01:35:03.000 Oh, he was the next level.

01:35:04.000 And he was so good.

01:35:06.000 Him and Stephen Root was so good, too.

01:35:07.000 He was the only one that wasn't even himself.

01:35:09.000 Everybody else was just being a version of him.

01:35:11.000 Well, Stephen Root, he was a different human.

01:35:16.000 He was a sweet, normal guy, and then he would play Jimmy James, and he would just fall into this character.

01:35:21.000 Yes, yes, yes.

01:35:23.000 Just like when he was in Office Space.

01:35:24.000 Yeah, unbelievable.

01:35:25.000 Yeah.

01:35:26.000 Now he's worshipped too, yeah.

01:35:28.000 Bizarre being on that show.

01:35:30.000 Because I was 26, 27 when I was on the show.

01:35:34.000 Making big money, wow.

01:35:35.000 But it was also confusing.

01:35:37.000 That's funny.

01:35:37.000 I felt like such an imposter.

01:35:39.000 I was like, someone's going to figure out that I don't belong here.

01:35:41.000 That's funny you felt like that.

01:35:41.000 And then I'm going to have to go get a job.

01:35:43.000 That's nice though.

01:35:44.000 That's a good person to be feeling like that.

01:35:47.000 I think I was a cocky fuck who was like, yeah baby, they figured it out.

01:35:51.000 I'm here.

01:35:53.000 But I literally didn't get shit growing up.

01:35:55.000 I auditioned for shit and never got, nobody liked me.

01:35:58.000 Really?

01:35:59.000 Every audition, they were just like, I would talk to my agent after and be like, you know, nervously asking what they say, you know?

01:36:07.000 And then they'd have to be, well, did you read the sides before?

01:36:13.000 I'd be like, what do you mean?

01:36:14.000 That's what they said?

01:36:15.000 Of course I read the sides.

01:36:16.000 They were like, I thought you didn't know it that way.

01:36:18.000 I go, what are I thought I knew it real well.

01:36:21.000 They didn't like it.

01:36:22.000 They would use words to kind of be gentle with me, but just say, you're not ready yet.

01:36:29.000 Well...

01:36:30.000 It's funny how you have confidence when you're young, and you really do think that you're ready.

01:36:35.000 Like, I remember thinking that, like, at open mic nights.

01:36:39.000 Like, you'd see someone on stage, and they were bomb, like, God, I wish I could go up there.

01:36:42.000 Oh, that was terrible.

01:36:43.000 How about a bomb, too?

01:36:44.000 Yeah, of course, yes.

01:36:46.000 Or watching another actor, and you go, when you were young, and you'd see someone your age on a show, and you'd be like, I could fucking crush that shit.

01:36:55.000 And then you realize, looking back, oh, that guy was pretty fucking good.

01:36:58.000 Yeah.

01:36:59.000 Well, NewsRadio was fortunate because I got to play a more retarded version of myself.

01:37:04.000 It was basically into a lot of conspiracy theories and weird and delusional.

01:37:11.000 It was like a version of me.

01:37:13.000 So the writers were very smart.

01:37:15.000 Did they know that?

01:37:15.000 Yeah, they figured me out.

01:37:16.000 They figured me out after a while and started writing stuff in.

01:37:19.000 That's funny.

01:37:20.000 You know, I would talk to them about fucking UFO projects that were top secret shit.

01:37:25.000 And then they'd put all that kind of stuff in the script.

01:37:27.000 That's cool.

01:37:28.000 Because I was into stupid things.

01:37:29.000 It was fascinating.

01:37:30.000 You got into that shit real young.

01:37:32.000 Oh, yeah.

01:37:32.000 Yeah.

01:37:34.000 Alone in your head, or you had somebody who brought it up to you and you started going with that?

01:37:40.000 Well, with conspiracies, a friend of mine who was in a band gave me a book once on the road, and it was a book called Best Evidence by this guy, David Lifton.

01:37:49.000 It's all about the Kennedy assassination.

01:37:51.000 He's like, you've got to read this.

01:37:52.000 The government killed Kennedy.

01:37:53.000 I was like, what?

01:37:55.000 I remember reading this book, going, what the fuck?

01:37:58.000 I read this book.

01:37:59.000 It was just really funny.

01:38:00.000 And I went on stage after I read it and bombed.

01:38:03.000 And I apologized to the club owner.

01:38:06.000 I was like, look, man, I'm funnier than that.

01:38:09.000 I read this fucking book.

01:38:10.000 My mind wasn't right.

01:38:11.000 And they're like, don't read it tomorrow.

01:38:12.000 I promise I'm not going to read it tomorrow.

01:38:14.000 Tomorrow night I killed.

01:38:15.000 And I killed the next night.

01:38:17.000 Because I put the book down.

01:38:18.000 I said...

01:38:19.000 You gotta be.

01:38:20.000 I didn't bomb terrible, but it was flat.

01:38:23.000 It wasn't good.

01:38:24.000 I was in a weird headspace.

01:38:25.000 I was like, Jesus Christ, they killed the president.

01:38:27.000 I was like, this is nuts.

01:38:28.000 That's funny, man.

01:38:29.000 Wow.

01:38:30.000 It fucked you up.

01:38:31.000 It fucked me up, and then it got me down this conspiracy spiral.

01:38:35.000 So I started questioning things.

01:38:36.000 It's like, what else don't I know?

01:38:38.000 Wow.

01:38:38.000 And I started reading about all kinds of different things that I didn't know.

01:38:41.000 That's fucking amazing, man.

01:38:42.000 I read this book called The Strange Death of Vince Foster.

01:38:45.000 I saw a Vince Foster, a guy who worked with Clinton, who got murdered.

01:38:49.000 They said it was a suicide, but he had the gun in his hand.

01:38:51.000 There was less blood at the crime scene than was missing from his body.

01:38:55.000 It seemed like his body had been transported to the crime scene.

01:39:01.000 Those things will fuck you up.

01:39:03.000 Fascinating shit, yeah.

01:39:04.000 If you get involved in reading books like that, and your head gets filled with that kind of shit.

01:39:10.000 You know, Quinn was like that, too.

01:39:11.000 Quinn read a lot of shit, and he would tell me to read stuff.

01:39:15.000 I remember he knew a lot about...

01:39:18.000 Crazy mass murderers and shit.

01:39:21.000 And I would start going, what happened?

01:39:22.000 And he would tell me these things.

01:39:23.000 And I remember telling my dad some of the shit Quinn told me about.

01:39:27.000 I don't remember who.

01:39:28.000 But I'd be like, and then this guy and Ted Bundy and this and that.

01:39:31.000 And my father started getting like, is my son a fucking murderer?

01:39:34.000 Why is he talking so much about murder or so much?

01:39:37.000 Joey Diaz gave me this book called Murder Machine once, and it's about Roy DeMeo.

01:39:42.000 Do you know who Roy DeMeo was?

01:39:44.000 I'm not sure.

01:39:44.000 He was a serial killer who worked for the mob, and he would kill people.

01:39:49.000 They had a bar downstairs, and they had an apartment upstairs who would kill people, and then cut them up in the bathtub upstairs, and just killed a bunch of fucking people.

01:39:59.000 It's a horrific book.

01:40:00.000 And I remember reading that and going, Jesus, fuck it.

01:40:02.000 Just knowing that there's people like that out there in the world.

01:40:05.000 Oh my god.

01:40:06.000 And you just get in the wrong fucking place at the wrong time.

01:40:10.000 Wrong guy shows up at your house.

01:40:11.000 Oh boy.

01:40:13.000 Oh boy.

01:40:14.000 Yeah.

01:40:15.000 It was just like, those things are terrible to read before you go on stage though.

01:40:19.000 Fuck your brain up.

01:40:20.000 That's so funny that you ate it because of that book, man.

01:40:23.000 Oh, yeah.

01:40:23.000 I've eaten it a couple times because I did the wrong thing before I went on stage.

01:40:27.000 One time I had a gig in New Jersey, and it was a college, and it was a weird place to get to.

01:40:33.000 It was back in the day before navigation, so they would...

01:40:37.000 Give you the directions over the phone.

01:40:39.000 Like, go to the 405, get off this exit.

01:40:43.000 So they give me the directions.

01:40:45.000 And I get there.

01:40:46.000 I leave early because they tell me it's really hard to get to.

01:40:48.000 And I get there about a half hour early.

01:40:50.000 But it was hard to get.

01:40:51.000 I was like, Jesus Christ, this place is hard to find.

01:40:53.000 And I was working with JB Smooth.

01:40:55.000 Uh-huh, wow.

01:40:56.000 And JB was supposed to open and I was supposed to close.

01:40:59.000 And they said, JB's not here yet, so why don't you just relax in the rec room and sit down and we'll tell you when the show's going to start.

01:41:08.000 So I sit down and I'm watching this documentary on the Malibu fires.

01:41:13.000 Uh-huh.

01:41:14.000 And it's all these people who lost their family, lost their house.

01:41:18.000 This little kid walking around looking for his dog.

01:41:21.000 Rusty!

01:41:22.000 Where are you, Rusty?

01:41:23.000 Rusty!

01:41:24.000 Yelling for their dog.

01:41:25.000 Your dog's dead, right?

01:41:26.000 And there was this fireman who was just weeping and crying because the people in this community lost his house.

01:41:33.000 And then they come in the green room and they go, look, JB's not here yet, so we're going to have you open up.

01:41:36.000 And hopefully when you get off stage, he's going to go up.

01:41:38.000 I'm like, okay.

01:41:39.000 And he'll I'm fucking worried.

01:41:42.000 I'm crying.

01:41:43.000 I was literally crying watching this thing about these people losing everything in these fires.

01:41:47.000 It was horrific.

01:41:48.000 And I went on stage and just ate shit.

01:41:51.000 And then finally JB shows up and he showed up and he went on after me and murdered.

01:41:56.000 He was loose and happy and relaxed.

01:41:59.000 He came in the right mood, didn't watch that shit.

01:42:01.000 And he's a killer anyway.

01:42:02.000 He's very funny anyway.

01:42:03.000 And I remember thinking, God, you can't do that.

01:42:05.000 And I was with my girlfriend at the time and she was so disappointed in me.

01:42:09.000 Wow, but she's seen you kill before.

01:42:11.000 Yeah, she knew it was funny.

01:42:12.000 She's like, what was wrong with you?

01:42:14.000 I gotta watch that fucking thing.

01:42:15.000 I have similar...

01:42:17.000 It's not from watching something.

01:42:20.000 I have moments where I'm driving to a club and I'm in this fucking mood where I'm going, oh my god, I ain't gonna fucking destroy tonight.

01:42:28.000 I have such a...

01:42:29.000 Like the last two hours have been in the right mood.

01:42:32.000 Maybe some fucking song comes on.

01:42:35.000 I'm like, oh, fuck that.

01:42:36.000 Fucked me up a little bit, that song.

01:42:37.000 And then I walk in, then I'm in this fucking weird mood.

01:42:40.000 I'm a little down.

01:42:41.000 I get on stage.

01:42:42.000 All of a sudden, I let the crowd own me.

01:42:43.000 I'm like, what the fuck happened?

01:42:45.000 I was so ready to kill tonight, and I fucking turned into a song.

01:42:49.000 Yeah, you're in the crowd.

01:42:50.000 Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone.

01:42:55.000 That's a good one.

01:42:55.000 Oh, no!

01:42:56.000 Oh, no!

01:42:57.000 Yeah, man.

01:42:58.000 Suzanne, the plans they made put an end to you.

01:43:02.000 Oh.

01:43:03.000 Why am I here?

01:43:05.000 You get sad.

01:43:06.000 You can't get sad before you go on stage.

01:43:07.000 You gotta protect your mind.

01:43:08.000 My wife helps me out sometimes when she sees my head spinning before I go up.

01:43:13.000 She goes, they're here to see you.

01:43:15.000 They're here to see you.

01:43:16.000 They like you.

01:43:17.000 You don't have to worry so much.

01:43:18.000 I'd be like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:43:20.000 Okay, they're here for the good time.

01:43:24.000 They're not testing you.

01:43:25.000 Go have some fun with him.

01:43:27.000 I go, yeah, no, no, no, you're right, you're right.

01:43:28.000 And then I go, fuck, let me go on happy.

01:43:30.000 Because the times I go on fucked up and be like, this guy's going to like me or am I going to have to fight?

01:43:36.000 I'm like, I have fucked up over that.

01:43:39.000 That's why, to me, one of the things I've realized early on is take people on the road with you.

01:43:44.000 Because in the early days, when I was headlining, they would have a local middle act and a local opener.

01:43:50.000 And sometimes it'd be fun.

01:43:52.000 That's right.

01:43:52.000 And sometimes it'd be terrible.

01:43:53.000 Sometimes a guy would be a douchebag.

01:43:55.000 Yeah!

01:43:55.000 They'd be like, why are you fucking closing?

01:43:58.000 Exactly.

01:43:58.000 And they would step on your material.

01:44:00.000 They'd see your set first night, and then they'd cover the same subjects.

01:44:03.000 Holy shit!

01:44:04.000 They'd have to argue with them.

01:44:05.000 Forgot about that.

01:44:06.000 Hey, man, you're doing one of my fucking bits.

01:44:08.000 No, man, I've been doing that bit.

01:44:10.000 Fuck you.

01:44:11.000 There was a lot of sabotage going on.

01:44:13.000 Right.

01:44:13.000 It just wasn't fun, because then you'd be stuck in this town.

01:44:16.000 You didn't know anybody there.

01:44:17.000 Oh, yeah.

01:44:18.000 You're just watching TV, go to the movies by yourself.

01:44:20.000 In the condo, yeah, yeah.

01:44:21.000 Yeah, depressing.

01:44:22.000 Yeah.

01:44:22.000 And so I realized, if you could go on the road with funny people, you're going to have fun.

01:44:27.000 Well, yeah.

01:44:28.000 It's good for them, because they get a gig.

01:44:30.000 So I'd just have to pay the opening act, and I'd have to pay for their airfare.

01:44:34.000 And I would make less money, but I would have more fun.

01:44:36.000 I was like, more fun is more important than anything.

01:44:38.000 Absolutely.

01:44:39.000 And it's more important for the show, too.

01:44:40.000 You go up in the right frame always.

01:44:43.000 And I know that the comics in front of me are going to be really good.

01:44:45.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:44:45.000 So it's going to be a good show.

01:44:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:44:48.000 I want the audience to have fun, but I want to have fun too.

01:44:50.000 So then it was a party.

01:44:52.000 Then I'd be on the road with Joey Diaz, and we'd be having a party everywhere we go.

01:44:56.000 Yeah, he's funny.

01:44:57.000 We'd be just having fun.

01:44:58.000 And it became family.

01:44:59.000 It was like, wherever we were, it didn't matter if we were in Ohio or New Jersey.

01:45:04.000 It was us.

01:45:05.000 We were laughing.

01:45:06.000 Daytime's fun.

01:45:08.000 Have dinner together, then go fucking do your shit.

01:45:10.000 Then stay up all night.

01:45:11.000 Yeah, I know.

01:45:12.000 But Joey was such a wild card.

01:45:14.000 This is back in the Joey, the cocaine days.

01:45:17.000 This is Coco, Joey, Coco.

01:45:19.000 Yeah, so I used to, I brought a second opening act in case Joey didn't show up.

01:45:23.000 Wow.

01:45:24.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:45:25.000 That makes some sense.

01:45:26.000 Because sometimes, I didn't want to tell him he couldn't do the gigs.

01:45:29.000 Hey, you're not reliable.

01:45:30.000 Yeah.

01:45:30.000 Because I loved him.

01:45:31.000 Of course.

01:45:32.000 I'm like, the times that he's there are so magic.

01:45:34.000 Sure.

01:45:34.000 I want to make sure that he knows he's always got a gig.

01:45:37.000 What a fucking funny one.

01:45:37.000 So I'd book him, and then sometimes I'd book him, and we'd do Friday and Saturday.

01:45:41.000 Yeah.

01:45:42.000 And then I'd call him on Sunday.

01:45:43.000 I'd go, hey, the show's seven o'clock.

01:45:44.000 I'm going back home.

01:45:45.000 Like, what are you talking about?

01:45:46.000 You know, I don't do Sundays.

01:45:47.000 What are you talking about?

01:45:48.000 You don't do Sundays.

01:45:49.000 I told you, Joe Rogan, I don't do Sundays.

01:45:51.000 Oh, my.

01:45:52.000 You never told me you don't do Sundays.

01:45:53.000 You're springing that on me, man.

01:45:54.000 We have a show in an hour.

01:45:55.000 I told you.

01:45:55.000 And so having a third opening act or a second opening act would be perfect.

01:46:00.000 And you'd say you've got to do longer.

01:46:00.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:46:01.000 Well, it would be like, I'd bring Ari.

01:46:02.000 So if it was me and Ari Shafir, it's like, okay, Ari does 25 minutes, and then I'll do an hour and 15 or whatever, and we've got a great show.

01:46:10.000 Yeah, man.

01:46:10.000 And if Joey shows up, okay, now we've got a three-man show.

01:46:13.000 Funny, man.

01:46:13.000 Perfect.

01:46:14.000 I love that.

01:46:14.000 So I... I scheduled it just so we'd always have some sort of a failsafe.

01:46:20.000 It's fucking way more fun.

01:46:22.000 When I go out with the gang, good lord, we have a good time now.

01:46:26.000 Yeah, you're having fun.

01:46:27.000 It's fucking...

01:46:28.000 And you write shit.

01:46:29.000 Yes.

01:46:29.000 Because you want to make them laugh.

01:46:31.000 Exactly.

01:46:31.000 Instead of doing the same fucking shit over and over, you're just like, hey, I'm going to try some new shit out tonight, and then your buddies come out and watch you, and it's exciting.

01:46:39.000 And you watch them and you got a tag for them and you're having a good time.

01:46:43.000 You're having a good time.

01:46:46.000 Everyone's having a good time.

01:46:48.000 Which to me was like way more important than making X amount of thousand dollars more.

01:46:52.000 I'd rather give them that money and then We all have fun.

01:46:57.000 That, to me, was the best way of it.

01:47:14.000 And they would have the best time together.

01:47:15.000 They'd fucking think I suck, but it was fine.

01:47:19.000 I was just getting to be with the guys who were like 25. I was 17, 18. They were 25, shooting the shit, you know, getting into trouble, but going on stage and destroying.

01:47:29.000 And then you'd see them fucking hanging in the hotels and shit and always having the best night, and I'd be like, yeah, that seems like the way to...

01:47:37.000 I was on my own still.

01:47:38.000 They would kind of be like, that fucking Adam guy, you know.

01:47:41.000 He'll take us home, but I didn't think he was that funny.

01:47:45.000 But fucking learn from seeing these superstar guys on the road.

01:47:50.000 Fucking have fun.

01:47:51.000 Isn't it funny how sometimes those guys always think of you as that guy?

01:47:55.000 The relationships are the same.

01:47:57.000 Exactly.

01:47:58.000 They're still like, hey, what's up?

01:47:59.000 I know you fucking went on.

01:48:01.000 I remember when you sucked.

01:48:02.000 Yes, exactly.

01:48:03.000 And you talk back to them.

01:48:06.000 I still let them own me, these guys.

01:48:09.000 I'm like, alright, you did see me suck.

01:48:12.000 You're right.

01:48:12.000 Well, that's why you have to get out of your town, because they always remember you as an open-miker.

01:48:17.000 Hell yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:48:18.000 Like, I didn't get any, like, headlining gigs in Boston.

01:48:22.000 Wow, where did you play?

01:48:24.000 You played Stitches?

01:48:25.000 Stitches, Nick's Comedy Stop, Connection.

01:48:27.000 Connection, what a room.

01:48:28.000 It was a great room.

01:48:29.000 Fucking incredible.

01:48:30.000 The little one, the little one was the best.

01:48:33.000 That tight, low ceiling.

01:48:34.000 Yeah, yeah, low ceiling.

01:48:35.000 That's the one I ate.

01:48:36.000 150 seats.

01:48:37.000 Yeah, it was packed.

01:48:39.000 Stuffed in there, bumper to bumper.

01:48:40.000 It was packed.

01:48:41.000 It was amazing.

01:48:43.000 Play It Again Sam's, was that it?

01:48:44.000 Oh, yeah.

01:48:45.000 Yeah, I did Play It Again Sam's.

01:48:47.000 That place was great.

01:48:48.000 What was the one that was a Chinese restaurant?

01:48:50.000 Kowloon in Saugus.

01:48:51.000 In Saugus, right.

01:48:52.000 Yeah, went in the Ding Ho was the beginning.

01:48:54.000 Ding Ho.

01:48:55.000 Yeah, I wasn't there for that one.

01:48:56.000 Oh, I think that's the one I did.

01:48:57.000 That place went under a few years before I started.

01:49:00.000 Uh-huh.

01:49:00.000 You know, so when I came around, I had missed, like, the heyday of Boston comedy.

01:49:05.000 It was, like, 84. And I came around in 88. That's when I started.

01:49:09.000 Gotcha.

01:49:09.000 So they would always talk about the ding-ho, and there was all these killers, like Lenny Clark, all these guys from the ding-ho.

01:49:15.000 Didn't fuck with Lenny Clark.

01:49:16.000 A lot of Tony V. Tony V. Some of these guys, you just couldn't fucking...

01:49:20.000 You just would watch them and go, how the fuck...

01:49:22.000 How can I kill like that?

01:49:24.000 Well, those guys had, as you said, they had the same act for like 15 years.

01:49:28.000 And that act was like hammered down like a samurai sword.

01:49:32.000 It was so tight.

01:49:33.000 Like Don Gavin, so tight.

01:49:36.000 You'd see his act like, Jesus Christ, this guy would murder.

01:49:40.000 Fucking Tommy Sledge.

01:49:41.000 Do you remember how he pretended to be a private eye?

01:49:46.000 I backed off.

01:49:47.000 I moved on.

01:49:48.000 He was funny as shit.

01:49:49.000 Some of those guys and some of those ladies, man, they murdered.

01:49:56.000 Did you ever see that documentary, When Stand Up Stood Out?

01:49:59.000 No.

01:50:00.000 Fran Salamita made this great documentary about the heyday of Boston comedy called When Stand Up Stood Out.

01:50:05.000 And it was all about the transition between these guys being these local comics that were as good as anyone in the world, and then Stephen Wright becomes famous.

01:50:15.000 Wow.

01:50:16.000 And then Stephen Wright gets on The Tonight Show.

01:50:18.000 He becomes this world...

01:50:20.000 Was it Letterman or The Tonight Show that he first did?

01:50:21.000 I forget what it was, but he became huge.

01:50:24.000 And then they're all...

01:50:26.000 Now everyone's like scrambling.

01:50:28.000 Like, what did we do?

01:50:29.000 We didn't have an act that translated outside of Boston.

01:50:32.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:50:34.000 Back then, it was very Boston.

01:50:36.000 Very, very local.

01:50:37.000 Stephen Wright definitely, in my high school, holy shit, everybody knew every...

01:50:42.000 It was like Rodney.

01:50:42.000 He was like right after Rodney.

01:50:44.000 You'd repeat his jokes.

01:50:45.000 You couldn't believe it.

01:50:46.000 And everyone was like, he's fucking so smart.

01:50:49.000 I used to work at a fire hydrant factory.

01:50:53.000 You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

01:50:55.000 Yeah.

01:50:56.000 Unbelievable.

01:50:57.000 Ridiculous.

01:50:57.000 I think I tried to write like him in the beginning.

01:51:00.000 I think I, as a stand-up, did like 10 different guys.

01:51:04.000 I didn't know who I wanted.

01:51:05.000 Right.

01:51:05.000 I didn't know what was right.

01:51:06.000 I was doing, like, Bobcat kind of shit.

01:51:08.000 I'd do a character.

01:51:10.000 I didn't know what the fuck, but Stephen Wright, we'd always, me and my buddy, we'd kind of try to write in that vein of a little weird and make you think, and what a cool joke.

01:51:20.000 I don't fucking know.

01:51:21.000 But I also remember all those guys got popped by the IRS. Stand-ups?

01:51:26.000 Yeah, they all got popped.

01:51:27.000 Because none of them were paying taxes.

01:51:29.000 They were all getting paid cash.

01:51:30.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:51:31.000 And so they all got in trouble.

01:51:33.000 I remember working at Nick's Comedy Stomp.

01:51:34.000 They offered you could get paid in cash or in coke.

01:51:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:51:39.000 I remember those days.

01:51:40.000 That's how wild those days were.

01:51:42.000 And so these guys were just animals.

01:51:45.000 They were all getting paid cash.

01:51:46.000 They were drinking and partying every night.

01:51:48.000 And they were headlining.

01:51:50.000 And there's one time during the heyday where Nick's Comedy Stop had three rooms running simultaneously.

01:51:54.000 And they'd have two shows a night in each room.

01:51:58.000 So these guys would do six sets.

01:52:00.000 Amazing.

01:52:00.000 And they were making bank.

01:52:02.000 And they all had a deal.

01:52:03.000 The way Nix had them set up where they were Nix Comics exclusives.

01:52:08.000 So they would just work for Nix.

01:52:10.000 But they gave you so much work, you didn't want to branch out.

01:52:15.000 They booked the road too, right?

01:52:16.000 Dave's had a few road gigs.

01:52:17.000 I remember Bill Downs.

01:52:19.000 Oh yeah, connection.

01:52:20.000 He used to book me on the road, too.

01:52:22.000 I worked for a private investigator when I was starting out, when I was an open-miker, and this private investigator was Bill Downs' cousin.

01:52:30.000 I didn't find out about it until after I started working for him.

01:52:33.000 And to this day, one of the funniest guys I've ever met in my life, just never did stand-up.

01:52:38.000 His name was Dick Dolan.

01:52:40.000 Dave Dolan, rather.

01:52:41.000 He called himself Dynamite Dickless Dave Dolan.

01:52:45.000 Dickless Dave.

01:52:46.000 He was fucking hilarious.

01:52:48.000 I have a phone that I... He died a couple years back, but I have a phone that I saved.

01:52:53.000 And I'll never get rid of it because it's got a voicemail on that phone from him where he called me up.

01:52:59.000 It was like, I did a gig in Boston.

01:53:00.000 I hung out with him.

01:53:01.000 I was like, hey, Joe.

01:53:02.000 He was just a Boston character.

01:53:05.000 Just a hilarious dude.

01:53:07.000 And he was cousins with Bill Downs.

01:53:10.000 Funny, man.

01:53:11.000 Bill Downs, what a guy.

01:53:13.000 That guy used to book me all the time.

01:53:15.000 Even when I would do bad, he'd be like, I heard it didn't go that good.

01:53:19.000 I'd be like, yeah.

01:53:20.000 And in my head, I'm like, okay, it's over.

01:53:22.000 Big guy.

01:53:23.000 He'd call you big guy.

01:53:24.000 Hey, big guy.

01:53:25.000 I heard it didn't go that good, big guy.

01:53:27.000 Yeah, right, right, right.

01:53:28.000 Yes, I know.

01:53:29.000 But then he'd fucking get me another gig.

01:53:32.000 Oh, yeah.

01:53:32.000 In Quincy.

01:53:33.000 There was some place in Quincy.

01:53:34.000 I forget the name of that.

01:53:36.000 The Naughty Pine.

01:53:37.000 Did you ever work for Dick Daugherty?

01:53:39.000 I don't think so.

01:53:41.000 You never did Dick Daugherty's Comedy Huts?

01:53:43.000 I don't think so.

01:53:44.000 Dick Daugherty was the godfather.

01:53:45.000 He called himself the godfather of Boston comedy.

01:53:47.000 Oh, okay.

01:53:47.000 He had a bunch of terrible games in the world.

01:53:49.000 Was that like 88 on?

01:53:51.000 Yeah, 88 on.

01:53:52.000 I fucking was in the scene in Boston more from 84 to 88. Okay, so you were in the heyday.

01:53:59.000 So you got there like right...

01:54:01.000 I got there and it was huge.

01:54:03.000 I wasn't great.

01:54:04.000 But then, buddy, all of a sudden, I got on Saturday Night Live, I don't know, 89 or something.

01:54:11.000 And those same guys would come see me.

01:54:16.000 All of a sudden, I got big into colleges.

01:54:18.000 And I was doing these fucking giant shows back then, and it was unbelievable.

01:54:23.000 You know, 2,000, 3,000, 5,000 seats.

01:54:27.000 And the guys that I used to eat it in front of would come do the gigs with me, and they'd watch me, and they'd be like, that fucking loser's killing now?

01:54:38.000 The fuck did that happen?

01:54:40.000 It's again the thing when they see you in the beginning, they never respect you.

01:54:43.000 Right, right.

01:54:44.000 They remember you sucking.

01:54:46.000 Yeah, they were right.

01:54:47.000 They were right back then.

01:54:49.000 Yeah.

01:54:49.000 But it's hard for people to accept that you grew.

01:54:53.000 Yeah.

01:54:53.000 Which is weird.

01:54:54.000 That's true.

01:54:55.000 That's true.

01:54:56.000 It's like some fucking pro athletes.

01:54:59.000 It's like Jordan fucking wasn't the man for a while.

01:55:03.000 Right.

01:55:03.000 He got cut from his high school team, right?

01:55:05.000 Exactly.

01:55:06.000 That shit's gonna happen in every profession.

01:55:11.000 You just gotta figure out what you're...

01:55:14.000 You just gotta practice.

01:55:15.000 Did you always want to be on SNL? No!

01:55:18.000 Or was it something that came out?

01:55:19.000 I didn't even know.

01:55:21.000 It wasn't the thought.

01:55:22.000 I wanted to be a movie star.

01:55:23.000 I was cocky and telling my friends in college, I'm going to be a fucking movie star.

01:55:28.000 They'd be like, why?

01:55:29.000 Why would you be a movie star?

01:55:30.000 Look at you.

01:55:32.000 I'd be like, you don't get it, man.

01:55:33.000 I'm fucking...

01:55:34.000 And I thought I was good looking, too.

01:55:36.000 I thought I was good looking.

01:55:37.000 Like, now I go, how the fuck did I think?

01:55:39.000 Like, I know I'm normal looking, but I thought there was something fucking attractive about me that people are going to be like, that's a fucking stud right there.

01:55:46.000 And, um...

01:55:47.000 No, I... Then, I think, um...

01:55:51.000 I was doing stand-up.

01:55:53.000 Dennis Miller said good shit about me to SNL people.

01:55:58.000 And then Sandy Wernick was my manager, and he knew all of them, and they got me an audition.

01:56:04.000 And then I did it, and then they hired me, asked me to be a writer, and I remember saying to Herlihy, who knew more about SNL. I didn't watch SNL that much.

01:56:14.000 I was kind of lost.

01:56:15.000 They were like, it's really good.

01:56:17.000 Dana Carvey's incredible.

01:56:19.000 I go, yeah, yeah, he's great.

01:56:21.000 He's great.

01:56:22.000 And I was like, but I kind of want to get in the movies.

01:56:25.000 And my buddies were like, you should do SNL if there's that choice, you know?

01:56:30.000 So you were thinking about not doing it?

01:56:32.000 Well, I wasn't sure.

01:56:33.000 Wasn't sure.

01:56:34.000 I was kind of like, let's see, let's see.

01:56:36.000 I'm not a writer, so why am I going to become a writer?

01:56:39.000 It doesn't make any sense.

01:56:40.000 I'm not even that fucking good at that.

01:56:42.000 What was the audition like?

01:56:43.000 What did you have to do?

01:56:44.000 I did stand-up in Chicago Improv.

01:56:46.000 It was me, Rock, Dana Gould, and a couple other guys.

01:56:50.000 And I did decent, and the SNL people thought I wrote some funny shit.

01:56:56.000 Lauren thought I wrote some funny shit.

01:56:57.000 Robert Smigel thought I... I had some shit and then I got on.

01:57:01.000 Wow.

01:57:02.000 And Spade was on.

01:57:03.000 How old were you?

01:57:04.000 I was 23. Whoa.

01:57:06.000 Yes, that was big.

01:57:07.000 That's nuts.

01:57:08.000 That's as cool as it gets, yes.

01:57:10.000 What is that feeling like?

01:57:12.000 It was, uh, all of a sudden it became like you were in a rock band because I had, you know, Farley got on and fuckin' Rock and Spade and- and we would walk down the street and Schneider and Norm and we all- Tim Meadows, we were just always together.

01:57:28.000 So there was this crazy band confidence.

01:57:32.000 Wow.

01:57:32.000 You know, if anyone talks shit about the show, we were at a restaurant, like, it wasn't that good this Saturday, we were just like, shut the fuck up, man.

01:57:39.000 Like, we were fuckin' ready.

01:57:42.000 Because there were so many of us, you know?

01:57:44.000 It was like, but then when you were alone and somebody says, I saw you, you're kind of like, huh, yeah?

01:57:50.000 You know, there's something cool about having a bunch of guys with you.

01:57:52.000 Oh, yeah, with confidence.

01:57:54.000 Yeah, you got a team.

01:57:56.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:57:57.000 23. What was it like, like...

01:58:00.000 When it was popping, because you were on a great era of SNL, too.

01:58:06.000 Look at that fucking cast.

01:58:08.000 Yes, yes.

01:58:09.000 Hartman, Tim Metz.

01:58:10.000 Look at that fucking cast.

01:58:12.000 Oh, fucking everybody.

01:58:13.000 Look how young Spade looks and rock.

01:58:15.000 Oh, my God.

01:58:16.000 Cute, yeah.

01:58:16.000 Al Franken.

01:58:17.000 Jesus Christ.

01:58:18.000 Look at that cast.

01:58:19.000 That's when he was in the cast that year.

01:58:21.000 Wow.

01:58:21.000 Nealon, everybody loved him.

01:58:23.000 Everybody loved, and Ellen Cleghorn I knew from the comic strip.

01:58:26.000 Wow.

01:58:27.000 And Melanie and Julia.

01:58:29.000 All cool.

01:58:30.000 All cool.

01:58:31.000 Very tight.

01:58:32.000 But we all love Nealon.

01:58:34.000 Every comedian loves Nealon.

01:58:36.000 Everybody liked the way he dropped jokes in and fucking smooth as hell.

01:58:42.000 Isn't it crazy looking at yourself back then?

01:58:44.000 I fucking don't know what I was thinking.

01:58:46.000 Spade sent me a fucking skit we did, like, six months ago, and I was like, this is the first time this ever happened, Spade.

01:58:53.000 I don't fucking remember that one ounce.

01:58:55.000 I didn't even know what that thing was about.

01:58:57.000 I don't remember what it was, but I go, I didn't remember saying any of those words.

01:59:00.000 I didn't know what the jokes were.

01:59:02.000 I didn't know what the fucking ending was.

01:59:03.000 And he's like, you don't?

01:59:04.000 I said, I don't fucking remember that one you did.

01:59:06.000 He goes, I sort of did.

01:59:08.000 But it was weird.

01:59:09.000 That's how I know I've been doing this so fucking long, this shit.

01:59:12.000 I know I've been doing this shit long when somebody comes up to me, a big, famous motherfucker, and we go, hey, man.

01:59:19.000 I go, hey, nice to meet you.

01:59:20.000 And he's like, nice to meet you.

01:59:21.000 We met.

01:59:22.000 And I'm like, I fucking didn't remember meeting you.

01:59:24.000 What the fuck happened?

01:59:25.000 Well, your brain gets overwhelmed with people.

01:59:28.000 Yeah.

01:59:28.000 You know that number, Dunbar's number?

01:59:30.000 Do you know what that is?

01:59:31.000 No.

01:59:32.000 Dunbar's number is a principle that you can only keep like 150 people in your head at any given time, and then there's some people that you can keep kind of like in a distance, like acquaintances, but there's like a tight group of a small number, and then as it branches out, It gets to like 150. Everything after that is very sketchy.

01:59:50.000 Wow.

01:59:50.000 And when you're famous, you're constantly meeting people, which is very unusual for human beings.

01:59:56.000 That's right.

01:59:56.000 Yeah, there you go.

01:59:57.000 Also very unusual that they know you, but you don't know them.

02:00:00.000 Right.

02:00:00.000 So there's this weird thing.

02:00:01.000 Yeah.

02:00:02.000 But you go, nice to meet you.

02:00:03.000 Like, we met.

02:00:03.000 Yeah.

02:00:04.000 Like, oh.

02:00:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:00:04.000 I forgot.

02:00:05.000 Yes, yes.

02:00:06.000 It's not like I don't like you.

02:00:07.000 It's not like I don't care.

02:00:08.000 I'm not mean.

02:00:09.000 I got hit with a bunch of them today, yeah.

02:00:10.000 Yeah, your brain's overwhelmed with people.

02:00:13.000 Right.

02:00:14.000 There's no room.

02:00:15.000 Right.

02:00:15.000 You don't have room.

02:00:15.000 Right.

02:00:16.000 Remember the old phones where you can only keep like a hundred contacts?

02:00:20.000 That's all the phone.

02:00:21.000 It had like one fucking little tiny hard drive.

02:00:25.000 And once you got over a certain, nobody keeps a hundred people on your phone.

02:00:29.000 That's funny.

02:00:30.000 And that's all it could take.

02:00:31.000 And that's how your brain is.

02:00:33.000 Your brain doesn't have room for all these people.

02:00:35.000 Yeah.

02:00:36.000 So it's not even your fault.

02:00:37.000 It's like your brain's not designed to be famous.

02:00:39.000 No one's brain is designed.

02:00:41.000 Never thought of it like that.

02:00:42.000 That's what it is.

02:00:42.000 That's great.

02:00:43.000 And then when you've done so many things, like as many things as you have, it's just normal that you're going to forget.

02:00:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:00:50.000 When the pandemic was going on, my kids found out about news radio.

02:00:54.000 They didn't know about news, because I don't talk about- You don't talk about your shit, yeah.

02:00:59.000 They're not impressed by me.

02:01:01.000 My kids diss me all the time.

02:01:03.000 They're always cracking jokes with me.

02:01:05.000 It's fun.

02:01:06.000 We talk a lot of shit, but it's fun.

02:01:08.000 But, you know, they watched me on news radio, and I watched one of the scenes, and I was like, I don't even remember this at all.

02:01:14.000 Oh, you had that too, right.

02:01:15.000 Oh, yeah, I didn't remember it at all.

02:01:16.000 Don't remember being there, don't remember that room.

02:01:20.000 Occasionally.

02:01:21.000 I'll remember like four or five episodes.

02:01:23.000 Oh, yeah, I remember that one.

02:01:24.000 That was a fun episode.

02:01:24.000 That's funny, man.

02:01:25.000 Yeah, but it's weird.

02:01:26.000 You know, your brain just doesn't have any room for it.

02:01:28.000 It's almost like it's a lie.

02:01:30.000 Like, I didn't do that.

02:01:31.000 This is a lie.

02:01:32.000 Oh, my God.

02:01:33.000 This is AI. By the way.

02:01:34.000 Not one time have I ever looked back at that shit from 30 years ago and go, whoa, was I good?

02:01:39.000 I'm always like, jeez, what the fuck were you doing?

02:01:42.000 What a fucking horrible performance there.

02:01:45.000 Well, I think that's probably a good sign.

02:01:47.000 That's a sign of a person who's not egocentric.

02:01:50.000 Right, right, right.

02:01:51.000 You kind of have a good sense of who you are.

02:01:53.000 Yeah, yes.

02:01:54.000 I hope so.

02:01:55.000 The people that think everything they did is amazing.

02:01:57.000 You ever go over to someone's house and they want you to watch something that they've done?

02:02:00.000 You're like, don't make me do this.

02:02:02.000 Oh, that's a toughie.

02:02:03.000 Don't make me do this.

02:02:03.000 Hey, gotta watch my reel.

02:02:04.000 Like, no.

02:02:05.000 No, that's a roughie.

02:02:06.000 Don't make me watch this.

02:02:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:02:09.000 You can say to me, you don't want this.

02:02:11.000 Don't do this, man.

02:02:12.000 Don't do this.

02:02:13.000 This is for the best.

02:02:14.000 Also, I'll start shitting on you.

02:02:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:02:16.000 If you play that, I'm gonna start shitting on you.

02:02:18.000 That's funny, man.

02:02:21.000 It's got to be a bizarre feeling to be 23 years old and be on an iconic television show.

02:02:27.000 Oh man, I was fucking never more excited to call home and talk to my New Hampshire buddies and be like, I mean, remember all that shit I said that was going to happen?

02:02:37.000 It's fucking happening.

02:02:38.000 I don't have to bullshit right now.

02:02:39.000 It's really going.

02:02:41.000 And then when I would get on the show, say one line, whatever, it was just like...

02:02:46.000 My parents, my family, my friends, just like, that was so, that was incredible.

02:02:52.000 You know, I would play the busboy or the delivery guy and just say half a line and it was like, holy shit, you did it.

02:02:58.000 You're on TV, man.

02:02:59.000 Wow.

02:03:00.000 My first TV show was Showtime at the Apollo.

02:03:04.000 Really?

02:03:05.000 I did that.

02:03:05.000 That was my first thing I ever did.

02:03:07.000 Wow.

02:03:07.000 And they fucking sent a limo to pick us up.

02:03:10.000 I lived in Chelsea and How old were you then?

02:03:14.000 I think I was 18 or 19. I think it was 18. Whoa!

02:03:17.000 18!

02:03:18.000 That's crazy.

02:03:19.000 Went on, and it was the second episode ever of Showtime at the Apollo.

02:03:24.000 The first was Rock, and Rock cursed so much that they didn't use his shit.

02:03:30.000 So I was like the first comedian to be on.

02:03:34.000 I fucking, I forget.

02:03:36.000 Shit, the host was a great guy.

02:03:40.000 He's in the movie.

02:03:40.000 Is this it?

02:03:41.000 Yes!

02:03:41.000 That's Melba Moore.

02:03:43.000 Absolutely.

02:03:44.000 Oh my god, yes.

02:03:46.000 This one goofy guy, terrified.

02:03:54.000 Look at that face!

02:03:56.000 Fucking young dumb.

02:03:59.000 Uh-huh.

02:04:03.000 I don't know what's happening there.

02:04:08.000 How painful is this to watch?

02:04:10.000 Hurts.

02:04:11.000 Hurts.

02:04:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:04:12.000 Hit mute.

02:04:13.000 Hit mute.

02:04:14.000 Yeah, no, I fucking...

02:04:15.000 I can't say I was very good back then, but I had some fucking confidence.

02:04:20.000 What was the first movie you did?

02:04:22.000 First movie I did was pretty awesome.

02:04:25.000 I, 22, moved out to L.A., did stand-up at the Improv.

02:04:29.000 It's probably my third time ever.

02:04:31.000 I get off stage, two or three nice youngsters, director, writers, came up to me.

02:04:39.000 Hey, that was good.

02:04:40.000 You want to be in a movie?

02:04:41.000 I said, yeah, for sure.

02:04:43.000 They were like, okay, we're going to make a movie.

02:04:45.000 We're doing a movie on a boat.

02:04:47.000 I said, okay, when?

02:04:48.000 When?

02:04:49.000 Next week we leave.

02:04:50.000 I go, okay, great.

02:04:51.000 I said, do I have a big part?

02:04:53.000 They go, well, you're the star.

02:04:54.000 I go, okay, cool.

02:04:55.000 So I go home, I tell Judd, I was with all my buddies, and Judd comes over and goes, what happened?

02:05:01.000 I said, they said I can start.

02:05:03.000 He goes, do they have a script?

02:05:05.000 I go, oh, I don't know.

02:05:06.000 I didn't even know there were scripts.

02:05:08.000 I knew nothing about it.

02:05:09.000 And then I just fucking went on a boat for six days and shot this movie.

02:05:15.000 At the time it was called the unsinkable Shaki Moskowitz, but now it's called Babes Ahoy.

02:05:20.000 And I was 22. Wow!

02:05:23.000 And you were the star of the movie?

02:05:25.000 I was Shecky.

02:05:26.000 Whoa!

02:05:27.000 I don't know how it happened.

02:05:28.000 Milton Berle was in it.

02:05:30.000 Whoa!

02:05:31.000 I had a scene with him, so I got to tell my parents I'm doing great.

02:05:34.000 What was Milton Berle like?

02:05:35.000 Very nice.

02:05:36.000 I heard he shows everybody his cock.

02:05:37.000 It was accidentally seen, if I remember, that big hog of his fell out of his shorts.

02:05:43.000 He had a monster hog.

02:05:44.000 He had a very great dick.

02:05:45.000 And apparently he would show everybody his hog.

02:05:47.000 Imagine that, getting to show your dick and being, there he is.

02:05:49.000 Look at you.

02:05:50.000 Yes.

02:05:50.000 By the way, I was in shape then.

02:05:53.000 Yeah, that's Adam.

02:05:55.000 Look at that.

02:05:56.000 Yeah, that's me!

02:05:57.000 Skinny!

02:05:59.000 Yeah, I would get shut down by a girl there.

02:06:03.000 That's when I was fucking young and happy.

02:06:06.000 22 years old.

02:06:08.000 22. Wow.

02:06:09.000 Thanks for showing that.

02:06:10.000 It's good without volume.

02:06:14.000 I don't know what happened, man.

02:06:16.000 It's painful to see your young voice.

02:06:16.000 Whenever my kids see that shit, they're like, why did you talk like that?

02:06:21.000 I go, I don't know.

02:06:22.000 I was in acting class at school, and I did a scene.

02:06:26.000 I thought I did great, and then they opened it up to the class to say shit.

02:06:31.000 One kid goes, why is he talking like that?

02:06:33.000 And in my head, I'm like, what the fuck is this guy talking about?

02:06:36.000 Why did you use that dumb voice?

02:06:37.000 I was like...

02:06:38.000 What fucking dumb boy?

02:06:39.000 But then I watch the shit back and go, oh, that kid was right, man.

02:06:42.000 Fucking pathetic.

02:06:44.000 What was the first big movie you did?

02:06:47.000 I was in Bobcat Goldthwait made a movie called Shakes the Clown.

02:06:51.000 I remember that movie.

02:06:51.000 That was a great fucking movie.

02:06:53.000 That was exciting.

02:06:53.000 Yeah, that was good.

02:06:54.000 That was the alcoholic clown movie.

02:06:56.000 Exactly.

02:06:56.000 And Bobcat was funny as shit in it.

02:06:58.000 And he made me and Blake Clark.

02:07:00.000 We were his best friends.

02:07:02.000 And that was it.

02:07:03.000 That was the big time.

02:07:04.000 Wow.

02:07:05.000 Loved it.

02:07:06.000 Shakes the Clown.

02:07:08.000 That movie doesn't get enough love.

02:07:09.000 That was big.

02:07:10.000 A lot of people liked it.

02:07:13.000 It wasn't a massive hit, but it was cool as shit.

02:07:16.000 Yeah, it was cool.

02:07:17.000 It was a crazy movie.

02:07:18.000 It was like Bobcat stretching his wings.

02:07:21.000 Is this after Police Academy?

02:07:23.000 I think he did Police Academy first, right.

02:07:26.000 Yeah.

02:07:27.000 Wow, man.

02:07:28.000 You got every fucking thing ready to go.

02:07:29.000 Julie Brown.

02:07:31.000 Downtown Julie Rowan.

02:07:32.000 Yeah.

02:07:33.000 Wow, man.

02:07:34.000 Yes, yes.

02:07:34.000 There's Bob on the ground.

02:07:35.000 Or I think it is Bobcat.

02:07:39.000 Wow.

02:07:40.000 Yeah.

02:07:41.000 And Florence Henderson was in it.

02:07:44.000 There he is.

02:07:45.000 Yeah, he knew what he was doing, Bobcat.

02:07:46.000 He knew how to direct.

02:07:47.000 I didn't even know what he was talking about back then.

02:07:49.000 He's like, I'm directing.

02:07:50.000 I was like...

02:07:50.000 Well, he directed the first episodes of The Chappelle Show.

02:07:54.000 He did?

02:07:55.000 Yeah.

02:07:55.000 I was in New York and I was walking down the street and I was doing Caroline's for the weekend.

02:08:01.000 Wow.

02:08:02.000 And I was just walking down the street and I ran into Bobcat.

02:08:04.000 And I go, hey man, what are you doing?

02:08:06.000 He goes, oh, I'm here with Dave Chappelle.

02:08:09.000 We're doing this show.

02:08:10.000 And I ran into Dave and Dave had a fake mustache on.

02:08:13.000 Uh-huh.

02:08:13.000 I go, Dave, what are you doing?

02:08:14.000 He goes, oh, hey, Joe.

02:08:15.000 You want to be on my TV show?

02:08:17.000 I was like, okay.

02:08:18.000 I only got like an hour.

02:08:20.000 He goes, we're handing out medals for the best New York boobs.

02:08:23.000 And so he gives me this box of medals, and me and him just walk around with this box of medals.

02:08:29.000 This is like...

02:08:31.000 2001-ish?

02:08:32.000 Something like that?

02:08:33.000 Wow.

02:08:34.000 So funny.

02:08:35.000 I mean, you could never do this today.

02:08:38.000 You got the best New York boobs.

02:08:40.000 Wow, look at you.

02:08:40.000 Yeah.

02:08:41.000 Fucking A. Wow, that's so funny.

02:08:44.000 And it was just completely random.

02:08:45.000 Shit, he's just like Dave Chappelle there, too.

02:08:48.000 He wasn't coming up with a new guy.

02:08:50.000 He's very sure who would.

02:08:52.000 Like, he's got his arm on her boobs.

02:08:54.000 You go to jail for that today.

02:08:56.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:08:57.000 You go to jail for that today.

02:08:58.000 Yeah.

02:08:59.000 It was just, Bobcat was directing it.

02:09:01.000 That's so funny.

02:09:02.000 Yeah, just complete random run-in to Bobcat in the middle of nowhere.

02:09:07.000 That's cool, yes.

02:09:08.000 And he was older than us, where he was like, he knew his shit.

02:09:12.000 Well, he was a guy that, like, you know, Bobcat had that crazy act early on, where...

02:09:19.000 And then he decided he didn't want to do it anymore.

02:09:21.000 Yes, yes, yes.

02:09:22.000 And then he would just do stand-up, and people were like, hey, where's Bobcat?

02:09:25.000 Yeah, right.

02:09:25.000 Fuck you!

02:09:26.000 Yeah, he fucking had, he stayed strong with quitting it.

02:09:29.000 Yeah, he had to stay strong with quitting it.

02:09:31.000 He did a show with me about a year ago.

02:09:34.000 He came out a couple times, I think, and fucking murdered!

02:09:38.000 He's a funny guy.

02:09:39.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:09:39.000 He was always a very funny stand-up.

02:09:41.000 Yeah.

02:09:41.000 But he was trapped in that character that he did, that screaming, crazy, pull-your-hair-out character.

02:09:46.000 Yes.

02:09:47.000 You know, it's like there's guys that have characters like Emo Phillips.

02:09:50.000 Wow, yeah.

02:09:51.000 I love them.

02:09:52.000 Yeah, but you can't do that when you're 80. Yes, I know.

02:09:54.000 I know, I know.

02:09:56.000 But I was trying to do that.

02:09:57.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:09:58.000 When I was young and I wasn't doing well, I was like...

02:10:00.000 I started doing a guy who was drunk on stage.

02:10:04.000 I started doing a guy who was...

02:10:05.000 Very nervous.

02:10:06.000 I don't know.

02:10:07.000 I was going for that shit, too.

02:10:09.000 Just trying to find it.

02:10:10.000 I didn't know what.

02:10:10.000 Trying to be comfortable on stage, you know?

02:10:13.000 Right.

02:10:13.000 And that's what you had going on your live show.

02:10:16.000 I was like, oh, shit.

02:10:17.000 Comfortable.

02:10:18.000 Fucking not terrified.

02:10:20.000 You sat in moments.

02:10:21.000 Not easy to do.

02:10:23.000 I was in the zone.

02:10:25.000 You were in the zone.

02:10:26.000 How about the fact that you got in the zone when there are times when you walk on that stage and these pressure moments you just go, I'm here.

02:10:34.000 I'm talking, but I'm not here right now.

02:10:36.000 Right.

02:10:36.000 My mouth is moving.

02:10:38.000 I don't know what the fuck is going on.

02:10:39.000 You didn't have that, though.

02:10:40.000 Well, I had been through a bunch of those before, so I knew never to let that happen when I was out there in the live show.

02:10:47.000 That's also why I was scared of doing it, so I just really overprepared.

02:10:51.000 That's big.

02:10:52.000 I made sure that when I got out there, I just said to myself, everything that I'm talking about, I want to be only thinking about that subject.

02:11:02.000 I'm not going to let my mind deviate or go, oh my god, this is going good.

02:11:06.000 Don't fuck this up.

02:11:07.000 Don't fuck up this segue.

02:11:09.000 Don't fuck this up.

02:11:10.000 You can't think like that.

02:11:12.000 I felt like when I'm at my best, I'm only thinking about the thing I'm talking about.

02:11:17.000 And then you lock the audience in.

02:11:19.000 I think stand-up is a form of hypnosis.

02:11:22.000 Yes.

02:11:22.000 Do you think so, too?

02:11:23.000 Absolutely.

02:11:24.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:11:24.000 I get exactly what you're saying.

02:11:26.000 You lock them in to the way you're...

02:11:28.000 When I'm seeing a guy kill on stage, I'm locked in to the way they're thinking.

02:11:33.000 I'm letting them think for me.

02:11:35.000 I'm just like, think for me.

02:11:36.000 Right.

02:11:36.000 You know, and they're like, ah!

02:11:38.000 This is so funny!

02:11:38.000 And it's like, it's a form of hypnosis.

02:11:40.000 And I said, the only way that that's going to really work is I have to just be completely dialed in.

02:11:46.000 Like, I wrote out all my bits.

02:11:48.000 I listened to recordings.

02:11:49.000 I watched videos.

02:11:50.000 I prepared for five hours the day of the show.

02:11:53.000 Wow!

02:11:54.000 Just watching videos.

02:11:55.000 I went to the gym.

02:11:56.000 In the gym, I'm listening to my set.

02:11:58.000 Listening to the old shit, yes.

02:11:59.000 Yeah, I'm just like, I want to be just dialed in.

02:12:01.000 I get like that, yeah.

02:12:03.000 100% dialed in.

02:12:04.000 Oh, that's a fucking great feeling.

02:12:06.000 Yeah.

02:12:07.000 When you go, I know all my shit, man.

02:12:09.000 Because sometimes I'll do a tour, then I'll break down for two weeks because I can't be gone too long.

02:12:15.000 And then I go, oh shit, I got a gig again Friday.

02:12:19.000 And then I listen to the shit.

02:12:21.000 Yeah.

02:12:21.000 And then I start going, oh yeah, oh yeah, fuck, fuck.

02:12:24.000 You forget tags.

02:12:25.000 Oh god.

02:12:26.000 Yeah.

02:12:26.000 But then...

02:12:27.000 That two-week break on a tour, and then you go back out, man, you're psyched to say that shit again.

02:12:32.000 Oh, yeah.

02:12:32.000 And you come up with other shit to say.

02:12:34.000 Yeah, but you do have to go over the material.

02:12:37.000 Your brain doesn't remember anymore.

02:12:39.000 No, no, no.

02:12:39.000 Your stuff just goes away.

02:12:41.000 What about you with having shit that steps on...

02:12:44.000 The hardest part of doing an hour is...

02:12:47.000 Fucking having the 10 minutes up front not hurt the fucking...

02:12:51.000 Right.

02:12:52.000 It's just so crazy.

02:12:53.000 I caught a lot of stuff.

02:12:54.000 Yeah.

02:12:55.000 But it's been six years since my last special.

02:12:58.000 Like I said, I was thinking about doing a special in August of 2020. Yeah.

02:13:01.000 Then the country shut down and then I didn't do stand-up for eight months.

02:13:04.000 And when I did do stand-up again, I remember I had to listen to old recordings.

02:13:07.000 Yeah.

02:13:08.000 Luckily, I record everything.

02:13:09.000 Yeah, that's good.

02:13:11.000 I have all my recordings on my phone, so I listen to stuff, and then I had to write things out.

02:13:15.000 But I remember the first set that I did, I did the Houston Improv, and I hadn't done stand-up in forever.

02:13:21.000 And I remember when I was on stage, I was like, ooh, this is weird.

02:13:24.000 I had never in my whole career, I got knee surgery, and from my knee surgery, I took two weeks off.

02:13:30.000 That was like the most I had ever taken off, ever.

02:13:32.000 And I think one other time, I took a month off for some reason.

02:13:35.000 I forget why.

02:13:36.000 But that was weird, too.

02:13:38.000 But that was like when I was in the middle of a bunch of other stuff.

02:13:40.000 I was just working so much.

02:13:42.000 I didn't have any time.

02:13:43.000 And then I remember that was, don't do that again, because it feels awkward to get back.

02:13:47.000 But eight months was crazy.

02:13:49.000 It was just such a bizarre feeling.

02:13:51.000 Yeah, you forget how to do it.

02:13:53.000 Yeah, but it's kind of even just two weeks.

02:13:55.000 Take two weeks and go back on stage again.

02:13:57.000 You feel weird.

02:13:57.000 Like, what am I doing?

02:13:59.000 It's all new shit to your brain again.

02:14:01.000 It's also the experience of doing it is weird.

02:14:03.000 You know how to do it, but it just feels...

02:14:05.000 It doesn't feel comfortable.

02:14:06.000 What a fucking odd feeling when you think about...

02:14:10.000 Going on stage and just going, yeah, I'm basically telling all you people, just watch me for an hour.

02:14:17.000 Right.

02:14:18.000 Just watch me.

02:14:19.000 It's worth your time.

02:14:21.000 I know you drove.

02:14:22.000 You got babysitters.

02:14:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:14:23.000 Here we go.

02:14:24.000 Yeah, you bought tickets in advance.

02:14:25.000 You planned your day out.

02:14:27.000 What a psycho of a human being to just go, let me fucking...

02:14:31.000 Come look at this.

02:14:31.000 Yeah, you have to be out of your fucking mind.

02:14:33.000 Or just really prepared.

02:14:36.000 Yeah, man.

02:14:36.000 You'd be so prepared.

02:14:37.000 My special, this one, I did probably two and a half hours of shit and had to kind of, you know, Josh Safdie and we all had to pick the right, the shit we thought was the right shit.

02:14:52.000 But I did have so much shit.

02:14:55.000 By the time I did the special, I just came off the road.

02:14:59.000 So I just had.

02:15:00.000 Where'd you record it?

02:15:01.000 A place in Glendale, a little theater.

02:15:04.000 Oh, cool.

02:15:05.000 Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt.

02:15:07.000 Can I hit it?

02:15:08.000 Can I pee for one?

02:15:09.000 Yeah, we can wrap this up.

02:15:11.000 We've done two hours and 40 minutes.

02:15:14.000 We did?

02:15:14.000 Yeah.

02:15:15.000 We've been in that long?

02:15:16.000 Yeah, we've been in that long.

02:15:17.000 It's fucking insane!

02:15:18.000 This is the setup.

02:15:19.000 Oh, that's my first Netflix.

02:15:21.000 I like the backdrop, too.

02:15:24.000 It's just normal.

02:15:25.000 Yeah, that's cool.

02:15:25.000 It's like, did you set it up like that, or is that just what it looked like back there?

02:15:30.000 That was it.

02:15:31.000 That was that theater.

02:15:32.000 I forgot the name of that theater.

02:15:33.000 It's a cool show.

02:15:33.000 So you just left it the way it looks.

02:15:35.000 Perfect.

02:15:35.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:15:36.000 That actually, that day was, you know, Paul Thomas Anderson, the great guy and a great director, he shot that shit.

02:15:44.000 How many people are there in the crowd?

02:15:46.000 Some, that one there, that's that first special I did like five, six years ago.

02:15:51.000 That, some are like big ass joints, you know, like big arena thins.

02:15:55.000 Some are like 200, 300. But the new one?

02:15:58.000 The new one was only like, I don't know, 200?

02:16:01.000 200 people?

02:16:01.000 250. Oh, wow.

02:16:03.000 It was real small.

02:16:04.000 Nice.

02:16:04.000 That's a great way to do it, too, because the people that are in the audience, there's 200 people.

02:16:10.000 So people at home, it's going to be like you're there instead of being in an arena where you feel disconnected.

02:16:15.000 You can laugh at the jokes, but you don't feel like you're there.

02:16:18.000 That's exactly what...

02:16:20.000 So Josh Safdie, he directed it.

02:16:22.000 He wanted it to feel like...

02:16:24.000 You're getting to hang out with me.

02:16:26.000 And it's kind of like just shit goes on throughout the show that wasn't supposed to happen.

02:16:34.000 And that's that.

02:16:36.000 It shows me before a show, during the show, and after the show.

02:16:40.000 And man, we had fun.

02:16:42.000 It is a great fucking vibe, that place.

02:16:43.000 That was not a comedy club.

02:16:45.000 It was just a little theater that they do.

02:16:47.000 These people bought a theater.

02:16:49.000 They put on little plays there and shit, and then Josh liked it, and they made it kind of feel like a stand-up.

02:16:56.000 That's awesome.

02:16:56.000 And when is it out?

02:16:57.000 What day?

02:16:59.000 The 27th.

02:17:00.000 August 27th, yeah.

02:17:01.000 Okay, it's a couple weeks from now.

02:17:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:17:03.000 All right, man.

02:17:03.000 Congrats on yours.

02:17:04.000 Congrats on everything, bud.

02:17:06.000 Thanks.

02:17:06.000 Congratulations to you, too.

02:17:07.000 My piss ended the whole thing.

02:17:09.000 I appreciate it.

02:17:09.000 No, it's all good.

02:17:10.000 All right, right on, man.

02:17:11.000 It's amazing you hung in this long.

02:17:13.000 Fuck.

02:17:13.000 A lot of people, an hour and a half in, they start clamping up.

02:17:15.000 That's good, man.

02:17:16.000 I just mentally said I gotta get past that pissing, man.

02:17:20.000 Well, thank you, brother.

02:17:20.000 I appreciate you.

02:17:21.000 Thanks for being here, too.

02:17:22.000 Good to see you, Joe.

02:17:22.000 Congrats.

02:17:23.000 Thank you.

02:17:23.000 Keep up all the good work.

02:17:24.000 Say hi to your family, too.

02:17:25.000 Thank you.

02:17:26.000 All right.

02:17:26.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - August 13, 2024

Joe Rogan Experience #2187 - Adam Sandler

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