The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2188 - Adam Ray

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.

00:00:13.000 What's up, baby?

00:00:14.000 Joe Rogan.

00:00:14.000 Good to see you, brother.

00:00:15.000 Dude, thanks for having me, man.

00:00:16.000 My pleasure. 0.99

00:00:17.000 This is a fucking pleasure. 0.99

00:00:18.000 How fun was this weekend, man? 0.99

00:00:19.000 It was insane.

00:00:20.000 It was not since Cher was at the garden.

00:00:22.000 Has there been so much pandemonium?

00:00:24.000 Bro, when Brian Holtz was screaming about Billy Joel.

00:00:28.000 I love you going right to that, because I was like, how long are we going to wait until we talk about Holtzman isolating the room?

00:00:33.000 He was amazing.

00:00:34.000 He was amazing.

00:00:36.000 Seeing him at the Comedy Store, which we've seen him many times, and then at the Mothership now, seeing him in an arena like that go full-on Holtzman is a real treat.

00:00:46.000 16,000 people, and he went just like he's in the OR. He opened with Fuck Billy Joel. 0.98

00:00:50.000 And then he's like, I don't care if you're famous here! 1.00

00:00:52.000 It's your daughter! 1.00

00:00:53.000 Fuck him! 1.00

00:00:54.000 We get it! 1.00

00:00:54.000 You play the fucking piano! 1.00

00:00:56.000 I mean, yeah, it was wild. 1.00

00:00:57.000 It was amazing.

00:00:58.000 The surprises on that show, I want to hear from your vantage point real quick, from obviously doing arenas for a while now. 0.99

00:01:05.000 A show like that, getting to see you for a moment before you walked out backstage and you were just like, it was cool to see you looking at it like, what the fuck? 0.98

00:01:14.000 This is wild. 0.98

00:01:15.000 I was blown away.

00:01:16.000 First of all, I have seen Kill Tony evolve from the very beginning.

00:01:20.000 Yeah.

00:01:20.000 So I saw some of the earliest episodes in the belly room.

00:01:24.000 But you were telling me, Tony came to you and was like, will you do my show?

00:01:27.000 I got this new. 0.98

00:01:28.000 And you were just like, yeah, fucking, all right, I'll put Buddy out. 0.99

00:01:30.000 And then you have no idea what it was. 0.99

00:01:32.000 No.

00:01:32.000 When I first did it, I was like, okay, let's have some fun.

00:01:35.000 I think I first did it, he brought up, I might have first did it at the Ice House.

00:01:39.000 They used to do it at the Ice House in the Little Room.

00:01:41.000 Yeah.

00:01:41.000 So that was probably one of the first ones that I did.

00:01:43.000 And I did a bunch in the belly room, and then it moved to the main room, and then it...

00:01:48.000 Moved to Texas when everything shut down.

00:01:50.000 They were trying to do it in the main room for a while with no audience.

00:01:53.000 They did quite a few episodes with zero audience.

00:01:56.000 It's just a story of persistence.

00:01:59.000 That's what I keep telling you on comics.

00:02:01.000 The consistency is so overlooked in this business.

00:02:04.000 And Tony just...

00:02:05.000 Believed in it, and also kept finding ways to evolve it. 0.96

00:02:09.000 And the more people, you guys coming on, and then you'd see Saget come on, and more and more people started to go, oh, something different to fuck around with, right? 0.95

00:02:17.000 Yeah, and he just got better at it, too. 0.97

00:02:19.000 Yeah, that's a good point.

00:02:20.000 I mean, he's a...

00:02:21.000 He's a wizard at hosting that show.

00:02:24.000 Yeah.

00:02:24.000 He's managing all these moving parts.

00:02:28.000 He knows when to bring people in.

00:02:30.000 He knows how to work the panel.

00:02:32.000 He knows how to let you go, let somebody else go.

00:02:36.000 It's a dance, man.

00:02:38.000 And the dude is the best at it. 0.99

00:02:40.000 He's the fucking best at it. 0.99

00:02:41.000 So for me, walking out there and seeing that crowd, I was like, this is insane. 0.99

00:02:47.000 And to see the black keys on stage.

00:02:49.000 And Jelly Roll.

00:02:51.000 Yeah.

00:02:51.000 Jelly Rolls sing in New York?

00:02:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:02:53.000 Like, what the fuck is happening, man? 1.00

00:02:56.000 This is crazy! 1.00

00:02:57.000 Yeah.

00:02:58.000 The pops that everybody got, like, all the surprises were so cool.

00:03:01.000 Oh my god, when Joey Diaz went on stage, it was the loudest I've ever heard an audience cheer for any human being ever in my life.

00:03:06.000 I thought he was gonna be so, you know, taken aback by the roar that he was legit going to run for president. 0.97

00:03:13.000 Because he came out and he was like, you cocksuckers back here, I came to the circus. 1.00

00:03:17.000 By the way, he came in so hot and rode that high and got in like three or four bangers. 0.94

00:03:22.000 And I saw Tony at the airport last night and he was like, I didn't even hear what he said.

00:03:25.000 And I go, dude, he said something about like, I played here, I was on quaaludes, they put me in a handicapped section. 0.98

00:03:30.000 And then I fucking came to the circus. 0.99

00:03:32.000 It was a different circus where there was no net, the clowns fell, they just fucking swept them out of the way. 0.99

00:03:36.000 Bro, he went off. 0.98

00:03:37.000 That was awesome, man.

00:03:38.000 He went off.

00:03:39.000 It was classic.

00:03:39.000 And you've never seen me do Dr. Phil probably live, right?

00:03:42.000 No, I don't think I have.

00:03:43.000 How was that?

00:03:44.000 I think I might have saw it once at the mothership.

00:03:48.000 How many did you do at the mothership?

00:03:49.000 I've only done it on Kill Tony twice, and then I did two Phil shows on a Sunday there, but you were gone.

00:03:53.000 That's right.

00:03:54.000 Okay, that's right.

00:03:55.000 No, so that was the first time I ever saw you do it on stage.

00:03:57.000 Yeah.

00:03:58.000 And I know Dr. Phil.

00:04:00.000 I know him well.

00:04:00.000 He's been on the podcast a bunch of times.

00:04:01.000 Yes, I know.

00:04:01.000 Good friends with his son.

00:04:02.000 Yeah.

00:04:03.000 So...

00:04:04.000 So what is that like then?

00:04:05.000 You nail it!

00:04:06.000 Thanks, man.

00:04:07.000 It's gotta be weird for him.

00:04:09.000 It's gotta be weird for him.

00:04:10.000 This guy is doing a comedic version of him and it's like the most popular guest on Kill Tony. 0.99

00:04:15.000 What the fuck, dude? 0.99

00:04:16.000 Of all the... 1.00

00:04:17.000 I mean, dude.

00:04:19.000 It's a great guest, dude.

00:04:20.000 It's a great guest. 1.00

00:04:21.000 And, you know, the fucking... 1.00

00:04:23.000 That's not the best image because there you can kind of see that you got that thing on your head. 1.00

00:04:27.000 Yeah, the ball cap, yeah.

00:04:28.000 But you can't tap while you're on stage. 1.00

00:04:30.000 It's fucking... 1.00

00:04:30.000 Fucking incredible. 1.00

00:04:31.000 It's wild, right? 0.99

00:04:32.000 It's so funny, dude.

00:04:34.000 You have that character.

00:04:35.000 That character is like...

00:04:36.000 It's still got the abrasiveness of talk show Phil, right?

00:04:39.000 Like busting chops. 0.98

00:04:40.000 That's why it makes sense when I'm doing these roast jokes.

00:04:43.000 Right.

00:04:43.000 You're like, yeah, it doesn't seem...

00:04:45.000 Because even for me, I didn't know...

00:04:47.000 I didn't watch a whole season of Phil episodes.

00:04:49.000 It was during COVID. My wife and I were just stoned and drunk and watching bullshit. 0.99

00:04:53.000 And then we'd see these Phil reruns. 0.98

00:04:55.000 And I was just laughing because these kids would come on and they're like, you know, my mom tried to...

00:04:59.000 Tell me I can't smoke weed. 1.00

00:05:00.000 He's like, well, maybe you should shut your fucking little twat mouth. 1.00

00:05:03.000 He wouldn't say that. 1.00

00:05:03.000 Right, right, right. 1.00

00:05:04.000 In a version, he was just like, well, maybe you need to look in the mirror and see that you aren't exactly perfect.

00:05:09.000 And he just was real abrasive, but in a funny way.

00:05:12.000 And it's a funny type of character to do this with.

00:05:16.000 Because everyone has some idea of who Phil is.

00:05:19.000 But he's not so known that you're like, how do I know this isn't who he is, right?

00:05:24.000 Right.

00:05:24.000 Right, right, right.

00:05:25.000 And making him...

00:05:27.000 I'm not defaming him either. 0.99

00:05:28.000 I'm not up there saying silly shit that's racist or whatever. 0.99

00:05:31.000 No, no, no. 0.99

00:05:32.000 It's all goof.

00:05:33.000 It's very funny.

00:05:33.000 And I think he picks up on that.

00:05:34.000 Oh, he's a great guy.

00:05:36.000 I'm sure he does.

00:05:37.000 I'm sure he's flattered.

00:05:38.000 Well, his publicists are trying to get him to come on my show, which would break the internet.

00:05:42.000 Because what I want to do at the store or wherever...

00:05:44.000 Because now we're doing these theater...

00:05:45.000 I'm doing The Beacon in November and the Miller Theater in Philly in October.

00:05:50.000 You just got there in the Grammar Just got done the Gramercy, yeah.

00:05:52.000 But all these Phil theater tours is what we're doing now, like theater shows.

00:05:54.000 Wow.

00:05:55.000 We're gonna do the ACL Live here next year and Majestic and Celebrity Theater in Arizona.

00:06:00.000 Do you have to pay him?

00:06:01.000 No. 0.99

00:06:02.000 I mean, I fucking... 0.98

00:06:03.000 Where's my... 0.98

00:06:04.000 Hey, Phil, are you still cool with this cam right here?

00:06:07.000 Hey, Doc.

00:06:08.000 But so when he comes on, I'm like, dude, it'll break the internet when...

00:06:11.000 Because, you know, there's a whole intro video and then, you know, please give it for Dr. Phil.

00:06:13.000 And so I'm thinking, instead of me coming out, he walks out.

00:06:16.000 And people just go nuts.

00:06:17.000 And then maybe after 20, 30 seconds, I come out, shake hands. 0.99

00:06:20.000 Well, it's also an opportunity for him to shit on you for having the biggest thing of your career imitating him. 0.98

00:06:26.000 Yeah, dude. 0.98

00:06:27.000 Well, that's what he said when he gave me guest of the year last year.

00:06:29.000 It was amazing.

00:06:30.000 Yeah, you finally figure out a way to be famous, pretending to be someone other than yourself.

00:06:33.000 Yeah.

00:06:35.000 And you know what though?

00:06:35.000 Isn't it though a great, like as much as it like is so fun and so fun, and I want to say this about with Tony too, his openness to go, I am always expanding, not only comp, you know, I want to be involved in exploring, expanding comedy, but the Kill Tony show for Tony to,

00:06:51.000 for me to go, Tony, I think Phil on Kill Tony would be fun.

00:06:54.000 He's an advice guy.

00:06:56.000 You were giving advice to comics, but for Tony to be like, fuck yeah, let's add more characters is really awesome. 0.94

00:07:02.000 No, Tony takes a lot of risks, and he likes to fly off the seat of his pants. 0.90

00:07:06.000 He likes a little bit of chaos on the show.

00:07:07.000 Like, twice I showed up with people, and I just brought them on stage.

00:07:12.000 One time it was Post Malone, and the other time it was Tucker Carlson.

00:07:15.000 Oh, I saw that.

00:07:16.000 Wait, that was impromptu?

00:07:18.000 Totally impromptu.

00:07:19.000 They had no idea they were going to do it until they did it.

00:07:22.000 When I got there with Post, I was like, You gotta come to the club.

00:07:27.000 Let's go hang out.

00:07:28.000 We were having just a great time. 0.98

00:07:29.000 I fucking love that guy. 0.93

00:07:30.000 He's such a nice guy. 0.96

00:07:32.000 Yeah, he really is.

00:07:32.000 He's so nice to everybody.

00:07:34.000 He's nice to everybody at the bar, downstairs, all the staff.

00:07:38.000 He's just so normal, man.

00:07:39.000 He just hangs with you.

00:07:41.000 He can just hang with you.

00:07:43.000 And so, anyway, we were just hanging out.

00:07:45.000 So, you know, we're like, let's go to the club.

00:07:48.000 And so we get to the club, and Tony was there.

00:07:51.000 I think we went to dinner.

00:07:52.000 Did we go to dinner?

00:07:53.000 Yeah, we went to dinner.

00:07:54.000 And then after dinner, did you go to Eddie V's?

00:07:56.000 Yes. 1.00

00:07:57.000 Eddie V's is the shit. 1.00

00:07:59.000 Eddie V's is the best. 1.00

00:07:59.000 So we leave there, and I go, let's go check out the club, and it was Kill Tony. 1.00

00:08:04.000 You've got to see the show that they're doing.

00:08:06.000 It's called Kill Tony.

00:08:06.000 It's crazy.

00:08:07.000 Oh wow, so you're introing to the show.

00:08:10.000 He has no idea.

00:08:10.000 He has no idea what's going on.

00:08:11.000 He has no idea I'm roping him into this.

00:08:14.000 So I don't even have an idea.

00:08:15.000 But Tony sends me his text, come on stage.

00:08:19.000 And I was like, alright dude, okay.

00:08:21.000 I go, come on man, we're gonna go on stage. 0.99

00:08:22.000 He's like, fuck yeah, really? 0.98

00:08:24.000 I go, yeah, come on, let's go on stage. 1.00

00:08:25.000 And he just went with it.

00:08:27.000 100% went with it. 0.99

00:08:28.000 Sat down, had a great fucking time, had some funny lines. 0.99

00:08:32.000 David Lucas, he looked like an unemployed crocodile hunter. 1.00

00:08:35.000 Oh my god.

00:08:37.000 Oh my god!

00:08:40.000 Dude, some of David's lines are so spot on.

00:08:42.000 The joke is just as good as like, what did Jeff Ross call David tell when he came out on night two at the garden?

00:08:48.000 He goes, you look like you run a, you manage a circus in Bosnia or something?

00:08:53.000 Something like that, yeah.

00:08:55.000 Lucas said that I looked like, because I was wearing that crazy fur coat and the glasses, he goes, you look like my 11th grade teacher that you catch outside of school.

00:09:07.000 Dude, I called Dave once.

00:09:08.000 I go, alright, Hootie and the Bloated Fish.

00:09:12.000 Yeah, dude.

00:09:13.000 Dave, that's another part of the show, too, where it's like there's now been so many established parts that people look forward to, which makes an arena show so exciting for the fans because they're like, wow, I'm going to see surprises and bucket pulls.

00:09:26.000 You have so many elements that are spontaneous, right?

00:09:29.000 David saying those things was spontaneous in front of 16,000 people and crushing.

00:09:34.000 Yeah.

00:09:34.000 He's the best at that.

00:09:36.000 Him and Tony, back and forth. 0.99

00:09:37.000 I told them they should do a podcast with just David Lucas and Tony talking shit to each other. 0.99

00:09:42.000 Because there's compilations on the internet that are like a fucking hour long of just David and Tony just shitting and laughing while they're shitting at each other. 0.99

00:09:50.000 It's the best light-hearted, shitting-on people I've ever seen from two wizards at it. 0.99

00:09:56.000 Like, they're casting spells at each other. 0.97

00:09:58.000 Yeah, and fearless.

00:09:59.000 But an underlying respect to where...

00:10:02.000 And that's what's really cool.

00:10:03.000 Yeah, so that there's no personal offense ever taken.

00:10:05.000 No, no, no.

00:10:06.000 They love each other.

00:10:07.000 Had you ever seen...

00:10:08.000 You watched, I'm sure, some clips of Shane and I before, like, after we did that show with the Mothership.

00:10:13.000 Yes, I saw a lot of clips from that show.

00:10:15.000 Oh, my God.

00:10:15.000 That show has, like...

00:10:17.000 What is the number up to now, that episode?

00:10:19.000 That would be 16 million, dude.

00:10:19.000 That's so crazy.

00:10:20.000 Isn't that fucking nuts? 0.99

00:10:21.000 Dude, we were in... 0.99

00:10:22.000 It was a Friday, and Tony calls me.

00:10:24.000 I was doing Kill Tony, but he goes, change of plans, need you to come Sunday.

00:10:27.000 Bring your makeup gals. 1.00

00:10:29.000 Shane's sticking around doing Trump. 1.00

00:10:30.000 And I go, holy shit. 0.99

00:10:32.000 So in my head, I'm like, this will be fun. 0.99

00:10:34.000 You never still know how anything's going to be received, right?

00:10:37.000 But I'm just like, I don't know, man. 0.88

00:10:38.000 Shane's as popular and fucking likable and funny as it gets. 0.86

00:10:42.000 And he's only done Trump on his sketch show and on SNL. And I feel like I'll be able to figure out a Biden to whatever. 0.93

00:10:48.000 But I know that Shane's down to play.

00:10:50.000 So I knew that it was going to be like, we're in the back, dude, we're in the makeup chairs.

00:10:54.000 And I'm shuffling around and Shane's like, what are you doing for the face?

00:10:56.000 And I'm like, I kind of got to get the... 0.99

00:10:58.000 You know the half smile going in like that and then and then I was shuffling around and I did the face a few times he started laughing and then at one point I just look in the mirror and he's just going We locked eyes and we started laughing I go what the fuck are we doing dude? 0.98

00:11:11.000 He's the best Trump of all time. 0.96

00:11:12.000 Yeah.

00:11:13.000 His Trump is impossible.

00:11:14.000 Bro he was so in the pocket and which is why we like made each other break a few times when we when we did the mothership because it was like I can't believe we're doing this for two hours Yeah, it's incredible.

00:11:27.000 But to run it back in the garden was like, I think, the move too.

00:11:30.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:11:31.000 It was awesome.

00:11:32.000 It was amazing.

00:11:33.000 The whole thing was amazing.

00:11:34.000 Yeah.

00:11:35.000 It was incredible.

00:11:35.000 Do you love...

00:11:36.000 To me, it's just, it seems surreal.

00:11:39.000 I know.

00:11:40.000 Like, just standing there, taking it all in.

00:11:42.000 It's like, what is going on?

00:11:43.000 And how many people want to come in, for Joey to come in, for Harlan to come in?

00:11:47.000 Yeah.

00:11:47.000 Schultz flew in, I think, from vacay just to be there for that...

00:11:50.000 No, he was supposed to be, yeah, he definitely flew in, but he was supposed to be at the beginning, but there was a bunch of flights that got delayed.

00:11:56.000 He still made it.

00:11:57.000 But still, what a cool pop.

00:11:58.000 Him coming out mid-show.

00:11:59.000 Incredible.

00:12:00.000 It was just so fun, man.

00:12:01.000 Just so ultimately fun.

00:12:03.000 Just really just a great celebration.

00:12:06.000 You know, a celebration of the success of the show and of comedy.

00:12:10.000 Just fun, raw comedy.

00:12:12.000 Totally, dude.

00:12:13.000 Do you after you know all years of doing this do things like that? 0.91

00:12:17.000 I don't know like mean a little more to like be able to beat to see that like something like that live or is it like does it give you I don't know a little more juice for just comedy in general to know that like We're in a cool time where shit like that is possible and happening.

00:12:31.000 I guess dude, we're in an amazing time It's an amazing time for stand-up If you're funny and you're trying to have fun and just go out there and be silly, people are looking for that right now, man.

00:12:44.000 And they're looking for something that rebels against this mind virus.

00:12:49.000 It's telling you how to think and behave.

00:12:52.000 We don't like it. 1.00

00:12:53.000 Like, shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:12:55.000 You're not compassionate and also controlling. 1.00

00:12:57.000 That's not possible. 1.00

00:12:58.000 This fucking scolding Shrill fucking stupidity that you hear from people telling you how you have to think and behave. 1.00

00:13:09.000 That these things are not up for debate. 1.00

00:13:11.000 These are like existential threats to humanity and civilization.

00:13:15.000 They aren't up for debate. 1.00

00:13:16.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:13:17.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:13:18.000 I'm getting more and more just cognitive of like... 0.99

00:13:24.000 Just jokes, like I get more and more bummed that people get really offended by certain things.

00:13:28.000 You just gotta stop paying attention.

00:13:30.000 The key is like...

00:13:31.000 It's just jokes, like no one's really, especially at our level, like people making those jokes, it's like, because it sounded funny and it like was a, you know, I don't know.

00:13:39.000 You know, to each his own and everything's subjective.

00:13:41.000 Yeah, but this is what's going on, dude.

00:13:44.000 There's always going to be people that wouldn't enjoy it.

00:13:47.000 But they get to see it now.

00:13:50.000 Whereas before, people just found out what you did.

00:13:53.000 You went to a club.

00:13:55.000 You know, if you liked the guy, you liked the guy.

00:13:57.000 You saw the guy on TV. You went to go see him live.

00:13:59.000 And that was it.

00:14:00.000 Now you're getting exposed to people that would never go see you live. 1.00

00:14:05.000 Oh, And they just want to talk so much shit. 0.99

00:14:07.000 But that is just because you're getting exposed to more people. 0.99

00:14:11.000 So there's pros and cons.

00:14:12.000 The pros is, the show gets 16 million views.

00:14:16.000 That's insane.

00:14:17.000 Like, what does an average Jimmy Fallon show get?

00:14:22.000 Let's find out what that is.

00:14:24.000 Like, what's the amount of people?

00:14:25.000 Maybe in the mills, probably.

00:14:26.000 Let's find out.

00:14:27.000 I don't even know.

00:14:28.000 I don't even know.

00:14:29.000 But he's probably the most popular of the late night guys, right?

00:14:32.000 So what does he get?

00:14:36.000 I think Jimmy Kimmel quit, right?

00:14:37.000 Did he quit?

00:14:38.000 No, he's still going.

00:14:39.000 Oh.

00:14:39.000 Yeah.

00:14:40.000 I thought he was gonna quit.

00:14:40.000 Is he gonna quit?

00:14:41.000 I just saw Jeff Goldblum hosting the other night.

00:14:43.000 I think he's on vacation, maybe.

00:14:45.000 I would get to a point where I'd be like, when can I do a podcast?

00:14:48.000 Did you ever get asked to do that?

00:14:49.000 No!

00:14:51.000 You doing a song with somebody?

00:14:53.000 The whole reason why I started a podcast is no one would ever give me money for a radio show.

00:14:57.000 Not even a radio show.

00:14:59.000 I was thinking about that. 1.00

00:15:01.000 I remember when Opie and Anthony got taken off the air Because they brought on a homeless guy who said some wild shit about Condoleezza Rice, like wanting to rape her or something fucking awful. 0.98

00:15:17.000 I like that this guy was like, at least in the NOAA enough to know who was like in the government. 0.99

00:15:21.000 Yeah, but he was just a crazy homeless guy. 0.83

00:15:24.000 Right. 0.67

00:15:24.000 And Opie and Anthony was a wild show. 0.67

00:15:27.000 I mean, those motherfuckers, especially when they got on XM, they could say whatever the fuck they wanted. 1.00

00:15:33.000 Were they definitely at the precipice of things getting a little edgier, radio-wise? 1.00

00:15:39.000 So an average gets 1,720,000 views.

00:15:46.000 That's for Jimmy Kimmel.

00:15:48.000 So he's number one.

00:15:50.000 Oh, okay.

00:15:51.000 Fallon is 1.4.

00:15:53.000 Colbert is in the lead with 2.5 million.

00:15:57.000 So out of those people...

00:15:59.000 How many of them are tuning in because it's just on TV? Sure.

00:16:04.000 There's a thing that people do.

00:16:06.000 It's 11 o'clock, what's on?

00:16:07.000 You know, especially boomers. 0.71

00:16:09.000 They're locked in. 1.00

00:16:10.000 That's what they've done their whole fucking life. 1.00

00:16:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:16:12.000 See what's on TV. Oh, at 8 o'clock, Colbert's on. 1.00

00:16:15.000 And they just watch a show.

00:16:16.000 Yeah, those are the same people that believe the news.

00:16:20.000 Which is ironic.

00:16:21.000 Did you see what happened with Colbert's audience?

00:16:23.000 No.

00:16:23.000 So, Caitlin Collins from CNN is on and see if I retweeted it.

00:16:29.000 It's fucking hilarious. 0.77

00:16:31.000 Constantine from Trigonometry tweeted it and I retweeted it. 0.98

00:16:35.000 I was like, this is crazy.

00:16:37.000 I just want you to see it before I describe it.

00:16:40.000 But it is, it's the audience laughing.

00:16:46.000 CNN being honest.

00:16:48.000 Watch this.

00:16:48.000 This is crazy.

00:16:50.000 What's up, bro?

00:16:51.000 Trying to get to Twitter to stop loading.

00:16:52.000 Oh, this is the government.

00:16:53.000 They're attacking Twitter because of the Elon Musk thing.

00:16:56.000 Guaranteed.

00:16:57.000 Let's just call it that.

00:16:58.000 Start it from the beginning and go big screen because this is so preposterous.

00:17:04.000 Trump has kind of been thrown on his heels by this, and he's not really sure how to go after Vice President Harris.

00:17:10.000 He knew his attack lines on President Biden.

00:17:13.000 He really has struggled with how to go after someone who's 20 years younger than him, who is a different gender, a different race.

00:17:20.000 It's kind of been this moment where he has not been able to coalesce around a single attack line.

00:17:37.000 Bro.

00:17:39.000 Wow.

00:17:39.000 Bro.

00:17:40.000 Wow.

00:17:40.000 Bro.

00:17:41.000 How crazy is that? 1.00

00:17:42.000 The audience is like, shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:17:44.000 That is hilarious. 1.00

00:17:46.000 They thought he was being a joker.

00:17:48.000 They thought that was a joke.

00:17:50.000 That's how crazy this world has gotten. 0.99

00:17:52.000 Where fucking CNN being unbiased is a joke to people in the audience. 0.99

00:17:58.000 That's so crazy. 0.99

00:17:59.000 And why?

00:18:01.000 What got accomplished?

00:18:03.000 If you were running a business, what did you accomplish by doing things that way?

00:18:08.000 You've ruined your business. 1.00

00:18:10.000 Because now people think you're full of shit. 1.00

00:18:12.000 And you could have just been actual, just straightforward journalist and been beyond reproach and probably got away with, you wouldn't have got as much money. 1.00

00:18:24.000 When they got as much money, you gotta get those ads in.

00:18:28.000 Do you think that's what they teach to in journal?

00:18:30.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:18:31.000 At some point, like, when do you figure out when you're in journalism school or whatever that, like, there is, uh, there's probably obviously a handful of people, more than that, that want to stay, like, You know, authentic and true and really...

00:18:42.000 There's a lot of those, man.

00:18:43.000 And then at some point you just, what, get an offer to go somewhere or somebody above you goes, dude, you gotta get that story out like, you know, I don't know, and you're trying to get a name for yourself like any sort of sports pundit, right?

00:18:54.000 Sometimes they say wacky shit just to get their name out there, but...

00:18:57.000 Well, it's good for the business, right? 0.99

00:18:59.000 So if they write a thing that says, you know, hey, everybody used to like Trump.

00:19:04.000 You ever seen videos of Trump on The View with Barbara Walters back when they liked him?

00:19:09.000 You ever seen that?

00:19:10.000 Yes, but I can't remember what you're referring to.

00:19:12.000 You should see it, because it's bonkers.

00:19:14.000 It's literally bonkers.

00:19:15.000 It's going around.

00:19:16.000 See if you can find it.

00:19:17.000 Like Barbara, he's just being...

00:19:19.000 Dude, it's nuts.

00:19:20.000 It's like literally nuts. 0.98

00:19:21.000 Like Sean Connery saying you can hit women nuts? 0.97

00:19:23.000 No, no, no. 0.98

00:19:23.000 They love him. 0.98

00:19:25.000 They love him.

00:19:25.000 Everyone loves him.

00:19:26.000 Trump won The View.

00:19:27.000 Whoopi loves him.

00:19:27.000 Wow.

00:19:28.000 Yeah.

00:19:28.000 Barbara Walters loves him.

00:19:29.000 Everyone loved him.

00:19:31.000 Everybody was friendly.

00:19:33.000 Everybody was like, they were considerate.

00:19:35.000 They were talking nicely to each other.

00:19:37.000 There was no attacks.

00:19:38.000 It was a wonderful conversation.

00:19:40.000 Whoopi, I love your hair.

00:19:41.000 What do you wash it with?

00:19:42.000 Syrup?

00:19:43.000 And they just laughed.

00:19:43.000 Have you found it?

00:19:45.000 It's going around.

00:19:48.000 Somebody posted.

00:19:49.000 Bro, that's wild.

00:19:50.000 I can't remember who posted it on Twitter, but I was like, this is crazy.

00:19:56.000 Watching it is just bananas.

00:19:58.000 Do you think they've seen what Shane and I have done at all?

00:20:01.000 Do you think they've seen people in there?

00:20:03.000 Trump for sure has.

00:20:04.000 Yeah, this is it.

00:20:05.000 Watch this.

00:20:05.000 This is bonkers.

00:20:06.000 Go full screen.

00:20:07.000 This is literally bonkers.

00:20:13.000 My friend.

00:20:21.000 My friend.

00:20:22.000 Watch this.

00:20:23.000 Just watch this.

00:20:23.000 This is nuts.

00:20:24.000 We're in an alternative universe.

00:20:26.000 Okay?

00:20:26.000 Because this is not that long ago.

00:20:30.000 Go standing O. Bro, watch this.

00:20:34.000 Just watch how this goes.

00:20:35.000 Watch this.

00:20:37.000 So she's a Republican.

00:20:38.000 That's easy.

00:20:39.000 Yep.

00:20:39.000 But everybody else.

00:20:40.000 Joy can't wait to get a hug in.

00:20:42.000 Yeah, everyone's hugging.

00:20:43.000 Look at this.

00:20:44.000 Look at this.

00:20:45.000 Kisses, hugs, kisses to Whoopi.

00:20:47.000 Everybody hugs and kisses.

00:20:49.000 Even Joy Behar hugs and kisses.

00:20:52.000 See?

00:20:52.000 Now, watch this.

00:20:53.000 So, I'm going to take you at your word that you have not decided yet when you're going to run, but you're thinking about it, and you've expressed some of your views, which are controversial, and in many ways, yeah, but I'll...

00:21:06.000 Not to her.

00:21:06.000 Well, not to her.

00:21:07.000 Okay, you're a Republican.

00:21:09.000 But let's say that you do decide in the spring, right?

00:21:33.000 Getting laughs right away.

00:21:38.000 I think the country is doing so badly, they want somebody that's going to help it.

00:21:42.000 I think the country has never been in a position like it is right now.

00:21:46.000 It's being ripped off by every nation, every intelligent nation in the world, whether it's China, they're taking our jobs, they're making all our product, and then they loan us back the money we pay them interest. 0.96

00:21:57.000 That is crazy.

00:21:57.000 Whether it's OPEC. That's crazy.

00:21:59.000 OPEC, which is out of the field day right now.

00:22:01.000 How about the Arab League?

00:22:04.000 They say, we want you to go in and attack Libya.

00:22:27.000 The audience cheers.

00:22:31.000 When we have France, France leading the charge, okay? 0.52

00:22:34.000 France, this is our new leader.

00:22:36.000 By the way, they led for about two hours.

00:22:38.000 After that, nobody's seen them.

00:22:39.000 I don't know if you know that.

00:22:41.000 Let me just ask a follow-up question to that.

00:22:47.000 Let's say you run.

00:22:48.000 You've given a lot of thought for this.

00:22:50.000 Who would you like as your vice president, possibly Sarah Palin? 0.99

00:22:53.000 Well, I think it's far too early even to discuss that.

00:22:55.000 I'm going to make a decision sometime prior to June.

00:22:58.000 I'm thinking about it very strongly.

00:22:59.000 I think I'd do a really good job.

00:23:01.000 I think I'd protect this country like it's not being protected.

00:23:04.000 Now, it's funny.

00:23:05.000 So many of the things I say, now politicians are saying, hey, that's right.

00:23:10.000 Why aren't they paying us?

00:23:12.000 If you look at North Korea, South Korea, we're protecting South Korea.

00:23:15.000 They're making a fortune.

00:23:16.000 Let's call it hundreds of billions of dollars of profit on us.

00:23:20.000 We have 25,000 soldiers over there protecting them.

00:23:22.000 They don't pay us.

00:23:23.000 Why are they paying us?

00:23:24.000 You'd be treating us like a business.

00:23:25.000 No, no.

00:23:25.000 A business with heart.

00:23:27.000 Believe me.

00:23:28.000 There's a lot of heart.

00:23:30.000 It's a business, but it's also a business with art.

00:23:33.000 We will destroy this country.

00:23:34.000 It won't be a war if the economics of this country keep going the way they're going.

00:23:39.000 We're not going to have a country.

00:23:39.000 You're kind of a social liberal, Donald.

00:23:41.000 You know, you're a social liberal.

00:23:43.000 Could you actually get the base to vote for you in the primary?

00:23:46.000 Well, every poll is saying that I'm the one that does the best.

00:23:49.000 You know, they're doing polls.

00:23:50.000 Do you actually have a higher approval rating than Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty, John Boehner?

00:23:56.000 Let's just pause and think.

00:23:59.000 He's very poised, he's listening.

00:24:01.000 But just grasp the 180. That the media has taken on him since he decided to be president.

00:24:08.000 When you see the machine go after a guy, we've never seen the machine go after someone as bold-faced.

00:24:17.000 You know, the prosecutions, the Russiagate stuff on television every night, all of it.

00:24:22.000 And then to see just a few years ago, they loved him.

00:24:27.000 Yeah.

00:24:28.000 You know, he was a Democrat, I think, until like 2000 and something.

00:24:32.000 2008, maybe?

00:24:33.000 Something crazy like that.

00:24:34.000 And Clinton, I think they were all pals, right? 0.98

00:24:35.000 There's pictures of them at Dave and Buster's and shit, just playing skeeball. 0.97

00:24:40.000 I think he said that he had to pay them to come to a wedding. 0.98

00:24:43.000 Like, they have a price if you pay them to come to a wedding.

00:24:47.000 A pay-to-play as a spectator?

00:24:48.000 It's an accusation.

00:24:50.000 It's a Trump accusation.

00:24:51.000 See, the thing about, it's like, Apparently he said that he was in a helicopter with Willie Brown, but it wasn't Willie Brown, it was Joe Brown, it was a different Brown.

00:25:01.000 And so, now Willie Brown is saying, that's not true.

00:25:07.000 Donald Trump says his money drew Hillary Clinton to his wedding.

00:25:11.000 She had no choice because I gave it to a foundation.

00:25:17.000 Is that what I just said, is that true?

00:25:24.000 Yeah, the Willie Brown thing, Joe Brown thing.

00:25:26.000 I think that was like a mistake he made.

00:25:29.000 And then people are like, he's old, she's young. 0.99

00:25:31.000 Like, have you fucking seen her mistakes? 0.99

00:25:34.000 This is crazy. 1.00

00:25:35.000 The gaslighting is nuts. 0.99

00:25:37.000 It's the same gaslighting they did to turn Trump into a monster.

00:25:40.000 Now they're doing that same gaslighting to turn her into our future, our hope.

00:25:45.000 And it's working.

00:25:46.000 It's crazy to watch.

00:25:48.000 It's crazy to watch.

00:25:50.000 Is it crazy to, like, I mean, I don't know, do you think it's only gonna get, like, 20 years from now?

00:25:55.000 Because the upswing, I guess, of just all social media and media in general, and then also you're taking the people that are, you know, involved, like, it's the perfect mesh of crazy and crazier, right?

00:26:07.000 So this says, former Trump executive disputes his claim that Willie Brown was on board, right?

00:26:13.000 This is a woman said, Barbara Rez, the Trump organization's former executive vice president of construction development said, former state senator Nate Holden was on the plane, not Brown.

00:26:23.000 Was that the same exact helicopter thing?

00:26:26.000 So it was a helicopter crash, is that what it was?

00:26:29.000 So no Brown was on there, not Willie or Joe?

00:26:37.000 He's been on tons of helicopters.

00:26:38.000 It's all the...

00:26:39.000 You know what she was saying?

00:26:40.000 You know what she was saying?

00:26:42.000 Like, he doesn't have an attack strategy.

00:26:44.000 That's...

00:26:45.000 I don't think...

00:26:46.000 You know, this is what I was trying to say when everybody got mad at me.

00:26:48.000 What I liked about JFK Jr. Or RFK Jr., excuse me.

00:26:54.000 Robert F. Kennedy is a guy who just goes after issues.

00:26:59.000 He goes after actions.

00:27:00.000 He talks about things.

00:27:02.000 Trump has, like, always in the past, like, attacked...

00:27:06.000 He's like, attack people, attack people.

00:27:08.000 And it's just, in this case, I feel like, I don't know if what they're doing right now, the way they're elevating, I don't know if she's ever going to debate him.

00:27:21.000 They locked one in, I think, September 10th.

00:27:24.000 What is that going to be like when she's off-grid, off-paper?

00:27:27.000 I don't know.

00:27:28.000 Off-script.

00:27:29.000 Wild.

00:27:30.000 Just completely able to say whatever she wants to say.

00:27:33.000 If we get one of those...

00:27:35.000 You kind of got to match Trump a little bit with his fearless...

00:27:38.000 Nobody has risen to the level of his...

00:27:44.000 I'm just going to interrupt and combat everything you say.

00:27:47.000 You have to go toe to toe and be in the ring.

00:27:50.000 You can't be there and kind of just...

00:27:52.000 Yeah, 100%.

00:27:53.000 But I do have to say that that one speech that she gave, right after they decided that she was going to be the nominee, that one speech where she said, if you're going to say something, why don't you say it to my face?

00:28:03.000 It was...

00:28:04.000 Great timing. 1.00

00:28:05.000 It's middle school recess shit. 1.00

00:28:07.000 It wasn't just that, man. 1.00

00:28:08.000 The way that she delivered it was very clear.

00:28:11.000 It was prepared, right?

00:28:13.000 And so that means she's coachable, which is very important if you want to be a president.

00:28:19.000 You've got to be coachable.

00:28:20.000 Yeah.

00:28:21.000 Oh, yeah.

00:28:22.000 So she figured out how to deliver a banger of a speech, right? 0.94

00:28:26.000 Like, play that, because it's pretty powerful.

00:28:28.000 Yeah, I think she'll have something to say back to him.

00:28:30.000 No, but this is the thing.

00:28:32.000 That's a speech.

00:28:33.000 But when you go toe-to-toe-toe, when you're just talking off the top of your head, that's where she has some issues. 0.99

00:28:39.000 Oh, yeah?

00:28:40.000 Yeah, I think people lock up when they know that everybody is criticizing every word they're saying.

00:28:46.000 And you're applying for a job as essentially the mom of the world. 1.00

00:28:50.000 Oh, wow, wow.

00:28:51.000 Or the dad of the world, you know, if he wins.

00:28:53.000 That's what you are. 1.00

00:28:54.000 You're the fucking dad of the free world, right? 1.00

00:28:57.000 What if she just does a Biden impression and goes, you're a sucker. 1.00

00:28:59.000 You're a sucker. 1.00

00:29:00.000 Just throws it right back at him. 1.00

00:29:01.000 There's so many people watching you.

00:29:03.000 Your brain just freezes up with anxiety.

00:29:05.000 But listen to this.

00:29:06.000 This is amazing.

00:29:07.000 Here's the thing!

00:29:09.000 Here's the funny thing about that.

00:29:11.000 Here's the funny thing about that.

00:29:13.000 So he won't debate, but he and his running mate sure seem to have a lot to say about me.

00:29:23.000 And by the way, don't you find some of their stuff to just be plain weird?

00:29:37.000 Well, Donald, I do hope you'll reconsider to meet me on the debate stage. 0.99

00:29:56.000 Because as the saying goes, if you've got something to say, Damn! 0.99

00:30:06.000 They knew it was coming. 0.99

00:30:07.000 She nailed it.

00:30:08.000 Yeah, she nailed that.

00:30:09.000 That alone can get you the president. 0.98

00:30:14.000 We're in an idiocracy. 0.97

00:30:16.000 That alone...

00:30:17.000 You get a couple bigger sound bites, right?

00:30:20.000 You can't say that's not outstanding.

00:30:22.000 Totally.

00:30:23.000 She just crushed it. 1.00

00:30:24.000 She crushed it. 0.92

00:30:25.000 She had the big moment...

00:30:26.000 Oh, I'm tuning in.

00:30:27.000 This is pay-per-view now.

00:30:28.000 She had the big moment and she crushed it. 0.99

00:30:29.000 And she did it without any ums or stammers, no fucking missed words. 0.99

00:30:34.000 She had a smile. 0.99

00:30:36.000 The laugh made sense.

00:30:37.000 It made sense there.

00:30:38.000 For the first time.

00:30:39.000 It was in context.

00:30:39.000 When she laughs, like sometimes she laughs like out of nerves, it seems like.

00:30:43.000 Just try to get everybody to feel lighter about the situation.

00:30:46.000 But that wasn't that one.

00:30:48.000 That was like a genuine, genuine smile and a laugh.

00:30:51.000 Crushed it!

00:30:52.000 That's a problem.

00:30:53.000 That's a problem.

00:30:54.000 And I don't think they thought she was going to be able to do that.

00:30:56.000 That's the thing. 0.99

00:30:58.000 You can fucking coach somebody, bro. 0.99

00:31:01.000 It ain't hard. 0.99

00:31:02.000 I mean, maybe she just practiced.

00:31:03.000 Who are these coaches?

00:31:04.000 Just public speakers and stuff?

00:31:05.000 Oh yeah, public speaking coaches.

00:31:07.000 Yeah, there's political speech analysts.

00:31:08.000 There's people that teach people how to teach.

00:31:11.000 What if David Lucas gets hired to give her some one-liners?

00:31:13.000 Listen! 0.98

00:31:13.000 I mean, there's a crazy world where there's shit like that where there's somebody goes, you need a couple zingers in your back pocket. 0.98

00:31:19.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:31:19.000 100%! 0.99

00:31:20.000 Because if that's not your world and your brain doesn't operate like that, Trump's does.

00:31:23.000 Trump is looking at like, you know, to make a little put down or he's just quick in that way.

00:31:28.000 Listen, he is quick in that way. 0.99

00:31:30.000 Also, it would behoove him to hire a few great comics to just tour with him and just write one-liners about all these different fucking people. 0.81

00:31:40.000 If he could remember them, I mean, I know he likes to go off his own head, but if he could remember a few Hinchcliffe bangers, if he hires Hinchcliffe to take him on the road. 0.98

00:31:50.000 Do you know how fucking insane that would be? 0.96

00:31:52.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00

00:31:53.000 Hinchcliffe riding bangers for Trump to shit on people with? 0.97

00:31:55.000 Comedy cures, and it also is like sometimes what kind of just pushes things over the top, dude. 0.98

00:32:01.000 The thing you're getting from him is you know no one is coaching him, right?

00:32:05.000 You know he's going off the cuff.

00:32:07.000 Nobody gets to tell him what to do.

00:32:09.000 When he goes out there and he tells about things, it's like he's just off the cuff.

00:32:13.000 Off the cuff.

00:32:14.000 And that's why it gets sideways sometimes.

00:32:16.000 Yeah.

00:32:17.000 You know, it gets a little fumbly sometimes.

00:32:19.000 But what I'm saying is that what she did was like a pro.

00:32:24.000 She did that like a pro. 1.00

00:32:25.000 That's where it gets dangerous.

00:32:27.000 You don't think that was calculated?

00:32:28.000 Do you think that was off the cuff?

00:32:30.000 Like just responding to what was...

00:32:31.000 No, that was a 100% planned out thing.

00:32:35.000 100% and well executed. 0.99

00:32:37.000 Like she fucking nailed it. 0.99

00:32:39.000 The problem is, that's what we're looking for. 0.99

00:32:43.000 It's not even necessarily who has the best policies for the country.

00:32:46.000 It's not necessarily who's going to make real reform, who's really going to change things and make it better for everybody, versus who looks like the kind of person who should be president, who's talking like a leader.

00:32:59.000 Who's got the whole order?

00:33:00.000 Say it to my face! 0.58

00:33:03.000 What if that becomes her catchphrase?

00:33:06.000 That's a mic drop.

00:33:06.000 You're going around to every country.

00:33:09.000 There's going to be those t-shirts.

00:33:10.000 That's your iCarumba if you're Bart Simpson.

00:33:12.000 Well, that's a bit of a problem.

00:33:13.000 She does repeat the same speeches over and over and over again in these speeches.

00:33:16.000 So they have all these compilations of her saying things in the exact same order.

00:33:20.000 You've got to mix it up.

00:33:21.000 But this is the thing that they like about Trump, is that he does not do that.

00:33:25.000 When Trump goes up there, he is more than capable of talking for an hour and a half straight, be entertaining.

00:33:33.000 He cracks on things.

00:33:34.000 He says funny things.

00:33:35.000 Like he was joking around about Biden, wandering around, not knowing where he is.

00:33:39.000 It was hilarious.

00:33:40.000 It was like he was a comic.

00:33:41.000 He was killing.

00:33:42.000 I know. 0.99

00:33:42.000 And I guarantee you, he probably had an idea in his head that he's going to shit on Biden, had an idea how he's going to do it, but that's like just being a freeballer. 0.99

00:33:51.000 You're up there freeballing. 0.98

00:33:52.000 He's the only one that can do that.

00:33:53.000 People do respond to that, too.

00:33:56.000 Everybody does, like you said, want to look at somebody and go, oh, they represent us well.

00:34:00.000 The same way like if you have an agent or manager, right?

00:34:03.000 You want them, if they're out in public, you go, oh, are they an extension of me in a certain way?

00:34:07.000 You want to see the best at it?

00:34:08.000 Clinton.

00:34:09.000 Clinton, when he was running for president the first time.

00:34:13.000 Bro, let me tell you something, dude. 1.00

00:34:16.000 He's the fucking Michael Jordan of those motherfuckers. 1.00

00:34:19.000 I can't argue with that. 1.00

00:34:20.000 Dude, old school titty grabber. 0.98

00:34:23.000 He probably called tits bazoombas. 0.98

00:34:25.000 Bro, he was an animal. 0.91

00:34:27.000 Played the sax on Arsenio.

00:34:28.000 And this guy smooth talked better than any.

00:34:32.000 And he was like, that's the president.

00:34:34.000 You hear him talk, you're like, that's our guy. 1.00

00:34:36.000 Listen to this motherfucker talk. 1.00

00:34:39.000 Let me just get a speech. 1.00

00:34:42.000 This is when he's the president.

00:34:44.000 We've never seen that.

00:34:45.000 He's the president.

00:34:45.000 He's playing saxophone.

00:34:46.000 Give me a little bit of that.

00:34:47.000 Let me hear it. 1.00

00:35:01.000 Slinging dick before the internet, son. 0.99

00:35:03.000 Up until this point, we'd seen footage of, like, Nixon playing Go Fish. 0.99

00:35:06.000 There was no cool president doing...

00:35:08.000 No, he was the coolest ever.

00:35:12.000 You know people who've lost their jobs and lost their homes?

00:35:16.000 Well, I've been governor of a small state for 12 years.

00:35:19.000 I'll tell you how it's affected me.

00:35:21.000 Every year, Congress and the president sign laws that make us do more things and gives us less money to do it with.

00:35:30.000 I see people in my state, middle class people, their taxes have gone up in Washington and their services have gone down, while the wealthy have gotten tax cuts.

00:35:40.000 I have seen what's happened in this last four years.

00:35:42.000 In my state, when people lose their jobs, there's a good chance I'll know them by their names.

00:35:46.000 When a factory closes, I know the people who ran it.

00:35:49.000 When the businesses go bankrupt, I know them.

00:35:52.000 And I've been out here for 13 months, meeting in meetings just like this, ever since October, with people like you all over America.

00:36:00.000 People that have lost their jobs, lost their livelihood, lost their health insurance.

00:36:04.000 What I want you to understand is the national debt is not the only cause of that.

00:36:08.000 It is because America has not invested in its people.

00:36:11.000 It is because we have not grown.

00:36:13.000 It is because we've had 12 years of trickle-down economics.

00:36:17.000 We've gone from 1st to 12th in the world in wages.

00:36:19.000 We've had 4 years where we produced no private sector jobs.

00:36:23.000 Most people are working harder for less money than they were making 10 years ago.

00:36:26.000 It is because we are in the grip of a failed economic theory.

00:36:30.000 And this decision you're about to make better be about what kind of economic theory you want.

00:36:35.000 Not just people saying, I'm going to go fix it, but what are we going to do?

00:36:39.000 What I think we have to do is invest in American jobs, American education, control American healthcare costs, and bring the American people together again.

00:36:46.000 Okay, stop.

00:36:47.000 If that guy runs right now, he wins.

00:36:49.000 That guy runs right now. 0.99

00:36:50.000 He fucking blows everybody out of the water. 0.99

00:36:53.000 Easy listening voice. 1.00

00:36:54.000 The Democrats come home with, like, every fucking state. 1.00

00:36:58.000 That guy wins. 1.00

00:36:59.000 Can you do that?

00:37:00.000 I don't know.

00:37:00.000 He can't jump back in, right?

00:37:02.000 No, no, he can't.

00:37:03.000 He's not the same guy anymore.

00:37:05.000 He's not the same guy anymore.

00:37:06.000 He doesn't have the energy anymore.

00:37:07.000 He's had a bunch of scandals.

00:37:09.000 That guy, if you could go back in a time machine and grab that Bill Clinton and run him today, he wins.

00:37:15.000 And it makes sense.

00:37:16.000 What if there was a younger son, Clinton, that was a spitting image of Bill and Monica Lewinsky was the running mate?

00:37:22.000 Is there ever a world or is that too in the simulation?

00:37:24.000 It's too in the simulation.

00:37:25.000 That would be too strange.

00:37:26.000 Be too strange?

00:37:27.000 Yeah.

00:37:27.000 But what if she came out and her policies were great and she had to say it to my face, but she goes, and she made jokes about like, and you know, we're going to swallow the competition.

00:37:35.000 I don't know.

00:37:38.000 Well, the problem was she didn't swallow, right?

00:37:39.000 That's how it got in the dress.

00:37:41.000 Oh, that's right.

00:37:41.000 All right.

00:37:42.000 We'll clean up all the mess.

00:37:44.000 We'll clean up every dress and mess.

00:37:45.000 I don't know.

00:37:47.000 Yeah.

00:37:48.000 Maybe she just wanted to keep it here.

00:37:49.000 Yeah, this is just a soft pitch.

00:37:50.000 I didn't say this was a great idea.

00:37:51.000 No.

00:37:52.000 I see where you're going with it, though.

00:37:55.000 It's nuts that that's what we used to get for choices.

00:37:58.000 Yeah.

00:37:58.000 Like, they made sense.

00:37:59.000 When you saw Arnold in the mix, because I feel like, at least for me, that was because I wasn't, you know, around, obviously, for the Reagan stuff, but, like, to...

00:38:08.000 The Arnold was my first taste of, like, oh, anybody can do...

00:38:13.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:38:13.000 Well, that was Ronald Reagan when he became president.

00:38:15.000 Right.

00:38:15.000 I mean, it doesn't make sense to us, but if you were someone who grew up during that time when he was a movie star, it's like, you know, Dennis Quaid being the president.

00:38:23.000 Yeah.

00:38:24.000 Yeah.

00:38:25.000 And he's playing Reagan.

00:38:26.000 Oh, yeah.

00:38:27.000 Same gal that did his makeup does my Phil stuff. 0.99

00:38:29.000 Oh, that's wild. 0.95

00:38:29.000 She's a goat, Jen Aspinall. 0.95

00:38:31.000 It's just like... 0.75

00:38:33.000 You know, the world has gotten real weird, man.

00:38:36.000 It's real weird when we know what the trick is.

00:38:39.000 Everybody's talking about the trick.

00:38:40.000 I mean, there's all these videos of Kamala off script.

00:38:43.000 She doesn't talk nearly as clearly.

00:38:46.000 But if you could just keep her on that script and focus, everything else, now you're still running the show.

00:38:53.000 You're still running the show just like you were for the last four years.

00:38:55.000 Because, like, no one even talks about Biden anymore.

00:38:58.000 Like literally, you don't even care that he's still the president for quite a few months.

00:39:03.000 Yeah.

00:39:04.000 Yeah, it's August, kids.

00:39:06.000 September, October, November, December.

00:39:08.000 No president.

00:39:09.000 No president.

00:39:10.000 And also, how bad does he deteriorate between now and then?

00:39:14.000 Because clearly that man is at the end of a long road.

00:39:19.000 The presidency took its toll on him, I think.

00:39:21.000 It takes its toll on everybody, but particularly on him.

00:39:24.000 Also, although Trump just kind of...

00:39:27.000 He seemed fine.

00:39:28.000 Yeah.

00:39:29.000 He seemed fine.

00:39:30.000 Four years didn't age him at all.

00:39:31.000 Yeah, wild.

00:39:32.000 Wild.

00:39:33.000 The dude's just water off the duck's back.

00:39:35.000 Well, you look at LeBron. 1.00

00:39:36.000 He's fucking playing 20-plus years. 0.99

00:39:38.000 Some people just got a little extra juice to... 1.00

00:39:41.000 Yeah, but LeBron spends millions of dollars on his body.

00:39:45.000 He's never been out of shape.

00:39:47.000 You know, he's constantly...

00:39:48.000 Oh, Trump and LeBron don't spend the same amount of money on their bodies?

00:39:50.000 A little different.

00:39:50.000 Yeah, okay.

00:39:51.000 You really can't compare the two.

00:39:53.000 Also, it's not like the NBA ages you like that. 0.99

00:39:57.000 No, it's the stress of knowing you could start a fucking nuclear war. 0.99

00:40:01.000 The economy rides on you. 0.99

00:40:03.000 Why would you want that stress?

00:40:04.000 Even running for president seems like the craziest thing to...

00:40:08.000 Even just the campaigning.

00:40:09.000 You see when people drop out after...

00:40:11.000 Four, five, six, seven, eight months.

00:40:13.000 I'm like, God, what do you do now?

00:40:15.000 Like, is that withdrawal or even that come down? 0.99

00:40:17.000 It's like a shroom come down where you're like, fuck, now you're questioning everything because you're like, you put everything into it, but then is there a weird like, fuck, I didn't have enough to even get close? 0.99

00:40:26.000 Or do you just go, all right, I gave it a shot and it wasn't my time. 0.99

00:40:30.000 I mean, it depends entirely on the individual.

00:40:33.000 I think it's just people just getting fed up that want to throw their self into that crazy race, but that thing is nuts.

00:40:40.000 You never had any of that, right?

00:40:41.000 No.

00:40:41.000 Like, through any part of your, once you even like, yeah, that's wild.

00:40:45.000 That's a different type of, there's a, wanting to be on stage and make people laugh, because my buddy of mine said this to me just about, you know, as we were talking about, Actors, whoever, running for president.

00:40:56.000 And he was like, oh, it'd be great if there was a comedian that ran.

00:40:58.000 And I'm like, yeah, but that's not our...

00:41:00.000 Al Franken probably could have run.

00:41:02.000 He probably could have run.

00:41:03.000 And he probably could have won.

00:41:05.000 He's a really interesting guy. 1.00

00:41:07.000 He just got fucked. 1.00

00:41:09.000 Yeah, there was a picture. 0.99

00:41:12.000 He was trying to be funny and it wasn't funny.

00:41:14.000 Wrong place, wrong time, wrong hands, wrong boobs. 1.00

00:41:17.000 Trying to be a comedian, trying to be funny.

00:41:19.000 You know.

00:41:20.000 Oh, wait, real quick, I just had a thought.

00:41:22.000 When Dice came out and did his, because I wanted to, that, first of all, talking to him about being back in the garden, you're just saying just being funny or whatever, and watching him do his Hickory Dickory joke at the garden again was wild, dude.

00:41:35.000 Yeah.

00:41:36.000 And hearing him talk about being back there was so...

00:41:39.000 There's so many small things in between the entire Garden experience that I was like, I want to not ever forget this because seeing him even just be there, I was like, that's crazy.

00:41:48.000 Well, Dice was kind of on the outs with the comedy community.

00:41:52.000 It was... 0.99

00:41:54.000 To me, it was the dumbest thing I'd ever seen. 0.99

00:41:56.000 It was real weird. 0.98

00:41:58.000 Because he did MTV, and he got banned for life from MTV for telling jokes.

00:42:04.000 I forget what the jokes were.

00:42:05.000 You're in the Pauly area, or no?

00:42:07.000 Yeah, it was kind of around that time.

00:42:09.000 Maybe a little after Pauly was off of MTV. But he had these jokes.

00:42:16.000 I forget even what he was joking about.

00:42:18.000 Like, tampons or something! 0.98

00:42:22.000 I don't even know what the fuck he was joking around about. 0.99

00:42:25.000 That was perfect. 0.98

00:42:26.000 But it was Andrew Dice Clay.

00:42:29.000 You asked the dirtiest comedian of all time to do a set.

00:42:33.000 Yeah.

00:42:34.000 And then you got mad when he does the kind of jokes that Andrew Dice Clay does.

00:42:39.000 Right. 1.00

00:42:39.000 Do you even fucking watch his shit? 1.00

00:42:41.000 No, they probably didn't. 1.00

00:42:42.000 Do you ever watch Dice Rules?

00:42:43.000 They heard he was popular, and they just were like, get the guy who everyone's watching. 0.98

00:42:46.000 I don't know what the fuck they thought. 0.97

00:42:48.000 If they thought he was going to do something different because he was on MTV, I don't know what they thought. 0.99

00:42:52.000 But anyway, they banned him for life.

00:42:54.000 And there was a lot of comedians that came out against him.

00:42:57.000 A lot of comedians said that they thought his act was sexist and racist and Yeah, it was.

00:43:03.000 But it was a character.

00:43:07.000 There's a man, his name is Andrew Silverstein, and there's this character, Andrew Dice Clay. 1.00

00:43:12.000 And the whole idea is that some stupid people like him. 1.00

00:43:16.000 Stupid people like a lot of things. 1.00

00:43:17.000 But smart people like him, too. 1.00

00:43:19.000 Totally.

00:43:19.000 Because it's jokes.

00:43:21.000 He's being hilarious. 1.00

00:43:23.000 Saying the most ridiculous shit. 1.00

00:43:25.000 And for whatever fucking reason, he was on the outs. 1.00

00:43:28.000 He wasn't respected by a lot of comedians. 0.99

00:43:30.000 It was real weird.

00:43:31.000 It was disrespected.

00:43:32.000 And I was like...

00:43:34.000 I get it if you don't like that kind of comedy, but it's like, who are you to decide what's good?

00:43:40.000 Like, I don't think that way, but I think it's funny when people say things that way.

00:43:44.000 Yeah.

00:43:44.000 Like, I'm not really mad at Billy Joel.

00:43:46.000 I think he's awesome.

00:43:47.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:43:47.000 But when Holtzman was shitting on Billy Joel, I loved it. 0.98

00:43:50.000 Couldn't get enough, yeah. 0.99

00:43:50.000 It was amazing. 0.99

00:43:51.000 It was funny. 0.84

00:43:52.000 Also, nobody shits on Billy Joel, so it was like... 0.97

00:43:54.000 Yeah. 0.91

00:43:54.000 That's also why it's funny. 0.91

00:43:55.000 Like, every... 0.98

00:43:56.000 You gotta hit him and hug him, dude. 1.00

00:43:57.000 Everybody has to be fucked with. 1.00

00:43:59.000 I'm sorry. 0.99

00:44:00.000 You know, and there's loving degrees.

00:44:01.000 Obviously, like, you know, somebody's...

00:44:03.000 I don't know.

00:44:04.000 Again, like, jokes, there's...

00:44:06.000 I mean, some of the jokes I've had with friends who have been really bad hospital bedridden, and, like, that's changed their entire outlook on stuff.

00:44:14.000 Like, you know, like...

00:44:15.000 You gotta be able to joke around about stuff.

00:44:17.000 Yeah, dude.

00:44:18.000 It's a real superpower.

00:44:19.000 It's really... 0.98

00:44:20.000 I mean, even from some of this Phil stuff, which is so silly, dude. 0.56

00:44:24.000 Some of these messages I get are wild about people.

00:44:27.000 This kid I met in Jersey was in the Stress Factory.

00:44:30.000 You ever do this Stress Factory?

00:44:30.000 Sure.

00:44:31.000 Yeah, sure.

00:44:32.000 So I'm doing these shows, and this kid comes up and he's like, my mom has cancer, has four months to live, we've been watching, your Phil stuff is all that she wants to watch, and it makes her smile, so that's our thing now.

00:44:42.000 And he starts bawling, and I got all choked up, and it was like, just more and more of that happened in the last few years, and not just of that stuff, just...

00:44:50.000 Dude, comedy's medicine.

00:44:51.000 It's wild, Joe.

00:44:52.000 It's medicine, it really is.

00:44:53.000 It's medicine for people.

00:44:55.000 Because I think we get so, and I know I'm guilty of this, like a lot of us, when you're getting going, you're so, you're thinking, you know, yeah, about the show and making people laugh and I'm present and I'm afterwards chatting with people and taking it in.

00:45:08.000 But those, now that we have this opportunity to receive messages like that or hear it live in the face like that, it's wild.

00:45:15.000 No, it's amazing.

00:45:16.000 It really is amazing.

00:45:17.000 And it makes me so even more...

00:45:18.000 Lucky to like be a part of and you look at something like Kill Tony it's like and be having to be global there's people in probably Beirut they're having a shit day that like saw fucking Hans Kim and they're like dude I always want to see Hans Kim in the garden or whatever their dream was you know well yeah it's it's it really is like a kind of medicine it is for me for sure if someone makes me laugh I feel way better When did you start getting love like that?

00:45:38.000 What I wanted to say, though, before I forgot, because Dice is embraced now by this class of comedians to this group of comedians that are coming out.

00:45:51.000 Dice was one of my heroes when I was 19 years old.

00:45:54.000 I mean, I was laughing so hard.

00:45:57.000 I was in my car in front of my house with this girl I was dating.

00:46:00.000 I was 19. We were listening to Dice on a cassette.

00:46:03.000 We were just sitting in the front seat of my car, just laughing.

00:46:07.000 It was so funny.

00:46:08.000 I couldn't believe how funny it was.

00:46:10.000 And it was just listening to it on a cassette, you know?

00:46:13.000 And then as I became, you know, a comedian, a headliner, and traveled on TV, all this stuff, and I became friends with Dice.

00:46:21.000 And then I realized some comedians don't like Dice.

00:46:23.000 I was like, this doesn't even make sense to me.

00:46:26.000 Like, what are you guys talking about?

00:46:28.000 Like, the guy does legitimate performance art on the street.

00:46:32.000 He does, for no money, he plans it out, he strategizes, and he makes these videos of him stumbling into people and telling them, you wanted the picture?

00:46:44.000 You wanted the picture with me? 1.00

00:46:46.000 They have no idea who the fuck he is. 1.00

00:46:48.000 And it's genius. 0.99

00:46:50.000 It's genius performance art.

00:46:52.000 The guy does not get the credit that he deserves. 1.00

00:46:55.000 He's silly, too. 0.99

00:46:56.000 He's a great guy. 0.98

00:46:57.000 Just for whatever reason, there was this weird time period where comedians hated him.

00:47:02.000 And I don't understand that.

00:47:03.000 It doesn't make any sense to me.

00:47:05.000 I think he got too big, too.

00:47:06.000 Because he was the first guy to ever sell out arenas.

00:47:09.000 He was the first guy that was doing those...

00:47:12.000 Like, he did Madison Square Garden multiple nights sold out.

00:47:15.000 He does everything.

00:47:16.000 He did Nassau Coliseum.

00:47:17.000 So it was a classic, got so big people just want to kick him off the mountain?

00:47:20.000 I think there's a little bit of that for sure because there's no comedians before him that was doing arenas.

00:47:25.000 And he was doing a different thing because he was doing this thing where everybody knew the jokes and they wanted to say it with him. 0.99

00:47:33.000 What's in the bowl, bitch? 1.00

00:47:36.000 And the fucking thousands of people. 1.00

00:47:39.000 It's like a rock band. 1.00

00:47:41.000 You're seeing a band play your favorite song.

00:47:43.000 So he had the rhymes, man.

00:47:45.000 The rhymes, you could not go wrong with those rhymes. 0.99

00:47:48.000 And, you know, he's dressed in a fucking giant glittery biker outfit. 1.00

00:47:52.000 It's fucking crazy. 1.00

00:47:54.000 I do not like a little bit of that. 0.99

00:47:55.000 It's fun.

00:47:56.000 It's like there's all kinds of comedy.

00:47:58.000 You can love that and still love Patton Oswalt.

00:48:00.000 I think he's funny too.

00:48:01.000 It's like all kinds of stuff is funny, man.

00:48:04.000 Duncan Trussell's hilarious.

00:48:05.000 Everybody's different.

00:48:06.000 It's okay.

00:48:07.000 But it's just this class of comedians gets that.

00:48:12.000 This group of comedians gets just be funny. 0.99

00:48:15.000 It's all bullshit unless you're funny. 0.99

00:48:17.000 And another fun thing about Keltony is that it's like, you know, the audience that has cultivated, it's putting, you know, having dice on like that is like, people who may or may not have fully been educated on Andrew will now be like, oh, fuck, and then go back and do a deep dive. 0.99

00:48:32.000 Well, a lot of these kids have no idea he even existed. 0.96

00:48:34.000 Yeah, that's wild.

00:48:35.000 Okay, because they're 20. Yeah.

00:48:37.000 You know, they're 20 years old.

00:48:38.000 Yeah, they don't see guys' TikTok clips.

00:48:39.000 They were born in 2004, son.

00:48:41.000 You know?

00:48:43.000 That is crazy!

00:48:44.000 You already had navigation in your car, and those kids were born. 1.00

00:48:48.000 Yeah, and so they don't know what the fuck is going on. 0.99

00:48:51.000 Who's that guy? 0.99

00:48:51.000 Why is everybody clapping? 0.99

00:48:53.000 And you've got to become a comedy historian.

00:48:54.000 And you've got to go, oh, Dice rules.

00:48:56.000 And then listen to The Day the Laughter Died.

00:48:59.000 You want to be a real Dice fan?

00:49:00.000 You listen to The Day the Laughter Died.

00:49:03.000 It's two hours long.

00:49:04.000 Oh my god.

00:49:05.000 Okay?

00:49:06.000 Rick Rubin produced it.

00:49:07.000 It's two hours long of him just popping into Dangerfields with no material and bombing.

00:49:14.000 What?

00:49:15.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:49:16.000 On purpose.

00:49:17.000 In the height of his stardom.

00:49:19.000 Okay?

00:49:20.000 This guy's selling out arenas, and he decides to do a two-disc special of him bombing on purpose.

00:49:31.000 On purpose.

00:49:32.000 I love that.

00:49:32.000 I mean no material, dude.

00:49:34.000 No material.

00:49:36.000 Bombed on purpose or bombed?

00:49:37.000 Bombed on purpose.

00:49:38.000 Look, if he wanted to, he could have done his act.

00:49:40.000 And he would have crushed.

00:49:41.000 They would have been, oh my god, it's dice.

00:49:42.000 He decides to bomb on purpose.

00:49:46.000 Dude, it's the craziest thing.

00:49:48.000 Yeah.

00:49:48.000 Because the kind of ego you have to have to be able to bomb on purpose on a CD and then put it out.

00:49:55.000 No internet, by the way. 0.95

00:49:56.000 This is all in his crazy head, right?

00:49:59.000 This is not a thing you do because you want to impress people on Reddit.

00:50:02.000 This is a wild thing he did as an artist.

00:50:06.000 It really is a wild artist move. 0.59

00:50:08.000 And this is where I think he doesn't get enough credit because everybody thinks, oh, he's just the dirty guy. 0.94

00:50:12.000 He's the guy who tells racist jokes. 0.90

00:50:14.000 It's like, no, [...

00:50:16.000 Innovative. 1.00

00:50:17.000 Pay attention to what this fucking crazy person's doing. 1.00

00:50:19.000 And the thing he does now, he's not trying to get people to, like, know who he is. 1.00

00:50:24.000 He's just making the most uncomfortable video. 1.00

00:50:27.000 And the people who are fans of it are like, he's a fucking maniac. 1.00

00:50:30.000 He's just walking up to this crazy Chinese lady. 1.00

00:50:33.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:50:35.000 They don't know what the fuck to do. 0.99

00:50:37.000 And he's big, and he's imposing. 0.99

00:50:39.000 He's got these crazy sunglasses on. 0.99

00:50:41.000 He looks like he might be an insane person. 0.98

00:50:42.000 Totally. 0.61

00:50:43.000 You're worried about your safety.

00:50:44.000 Yeah.

00:50:44.000 Yeah!

00:50:46.000 It's hilarious.

00:50:47.000 He's a genius.

00:50:49.000 It's inspiring to see somebody like that that doesn't lose their zest for the funny.

00:50:55.000 Like even in the green room at the garden, he was doing videos with everybody and he came up and he goes, Phil, do a video for me where I come up and you go, hey, I'm talking to my fans.

00:51:03.000 And I go, what?

00:51:04.000 He goes, no, no, but in character.

00:51:06.000 Right now you're Adam.

00:51:07.000 Do Phil.

00:51:07.000 So then he comes up and he goes, hey, Doc.

00:51:09.000 And I go, Andrew, I'm talking to my friends. 1.00

00:51:11.000 Will you fuck off? 1.00

00:51:11.000 And he goes, Jesus fucking Christ, this guy. 1.00

00:51:14.000 And then And then he puts it back and he goes, I thought I liked this guy. 0.99

00:51:17.000 And then he goes over to Sal and does a little video. 0.99

00:51:20.000 And yeah, he just was like, one the fuck around, man. 0.90

00:51:23.000 And that's what the backstage vibe should be, you know? 0.97

00:51:26.000 Dude, he used to do these little sketches at the store.

00:51:29.000 And he would do it with a VHS handheld camera.

00:51:32.000 And he'd do sketches at the store.

00:51:33.000 And I asked him one night, I go, what are you doing these for?

00:51:35.000 He goes, for?

00:51:38.000 It's like, what am I doing it for?

00:51:40.000 Great answer.

00:51:40.000 It wasn't even like, I'll put it together someday.

00:51:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:51:44.000 He was just having fun.

00:51:45.000 Yeah.

00:51:46.000 Just having fun.

00:51:47.000 Oh, the first time he brought me up in the OR at the store, Jeff Scott was over there on the keys, and he goes, Jeff, who we got next?

00:51:53.000 And I'd met him maybe three times, but didn't expect him whatever, but he goes, and Jeff goes, Adam Ray.

00:51:58.000 And he goes, oh, I love this guy.

00:52:00.000 And, you know, we didn't know each other.

00:52:02.000 And he goes...

00:52:02.000 This guy, you've seen him here, you've seen him there.

00:52:04.000 Keep it going for my friend, Alan Gray.

00:52:07.000 And then I get up and he goes, sorry, I had to write it like to me.

00:52:12.000 And I just laughed and I was like, yeah.

00:52:16.000 I would love when he would go on stage in the OR and there'd be like 10 people in the crowd. 1.00

00:52:21.000 And he would just fuck with them. 1.00

00:52:23.000 What a treat to get to see that. 1.00

00:52:24.000 Look at this fucking guy. 1.00

00:52:25.000 Look at this fucking guy with his pants. 1.00

00:52:28.000 It looks like he got attacked by a fucking mountain lion. 1.00

00:52:32.000 How much did you pay for those pants, you fucking moron? 1.00

00:52:36.000 I would call it Mean Dice. 1.00

00:52:38.000 That was my favorite Dice to watch in the OR when he'd do Mean Dice.

00:52:42.000 People love it too.

00:52:43.000 They're like, Dice is roasting me? 0.99

00:52:44.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:52:45.000 They were dying. 1.00

00:52:46.000 It was funny.

00:52:48.000 It sounds mean when I'm saying it, but Mean Dice was hilarious.

00:52:51.000 He's been to the mothership, yeah?

00:52:52.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just happy I was always just would you freak me out to become his friend because I Is that one for you?

00:53:05.000 That's just crazy that as far as like in the business really like I was young man I was friends with him in my 20s Wow, and I was standing in the back of the car He's the reason why I started going on the road because I was standing in the back of the comedy stories like you should do the road and And I said, why?

00:53:20.000 I was like, I'm here at the store.

00:53:21.000 He goes, yeah, I know, but you know what? 1.00

00:53:23.000 You don't want to be attached to Hollywood and these fucking jerk-offs. 0.99

00:53:25.000 He's like, you can make all the money that you need on the road. 1.00

00:53:29.000 He goes, you get an audience.

00:53:31.000 He goes, you're a funny guy.

00:53:32.000 You should do the road.

00:53:33.000 And I was like, I should do the road.

00:53:34.000 So I started doing the road. 0.97

00:53:36.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

00:53:37.000 He just opened you up to the idea. 1.00

00:53:39.000 100%.

00:53:39.000 For years, I was mostly just doing the store.

00:53:43.000 And I would do the Laugh Factory, and I'd do the improv.

00:53:45.000 And I was just doing Hollywood sets.

00:53:49.000 And occasionally I would do something else where it was a long set, but it was a little awkward because I was mostly doing 15-minute sets, you know?

00:53:56.000 And so then I started headlining again.

00:53:58.000 I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, you have to do this.

00:54:00.000 You have to do hours.

00:54:01.000 You have to do like four hours on a weekend.

00:54:04.000 Two on Friday, two on Saturday.

00:54:06.000 But the problem was I always had one foot in and one foot out.

00:54:10.000 Because one foot in, I was always working on television.

00:54:13.000 So that was most of my day.

00:54:15.000 Most of my day on news radio was working on the TV show.

00:54:19.000 It dampens your enthusiasm for doing the thing that got you to the dance.

00:54:25.000 I was on a set of news radio once and the producer said to me, why are you still doing stand-up?

00:54:29.000 You're an actor now.

00:54:30.000 I was like, oh, no. 1.00

00:54:31.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:54:32.000 I was just like, this whole cycle of needing people to pick you for something, I was like, yuck! 1.00

00:54:37.000 Get me out of this!

00:54:38.000 Yeah, why are you deciding what I should, you know, be to people?

00:54:42.000 And it was at that same time where Dice told me, you should do the road.

00:54:44.000 Wow.

00:54:45.000 It was the same time.

00:54:46.000 So it was like a fortuitous convergence of this guy that I couldn't believe I was friends with.

00:54:52.000 It was just weird to me.

00:54:53.000 Would those news radio days be so long that sometimes you wouldn't want to go up and do a spot?

00:54:57.000 Or was it pretty conducive?

00:54:57.000 Yeah, but I still did it.

00:54:58.000 I always did it.

00:54:58.000 I never canceled.

00:54:59.000 I always did it.

00:55:00.000 Even though I was exhausted.

00:55:01.000 It was your reward too, right?

00:55:02.000 You were looking forward to it like, I can get through the day so I can get on stage almost.

00:55:05.000 It was a little bit of that, but it was also, those were my people.

00:55:07.000 You know, the comedians were my people.

00:55:09.000 I had to be around the freaks.

00:55:10.000 I had to be around the weirdos, the Holtzmans. 1.00

00:55:13.000 I became friends with Holtzman in 94. Wow.

00:55:16.000 Yeah, so I had to be around those guys.

00:55:18.000 Those are my compatriots.

00:55:20.000 It is wild how quickly you find that out that you are in the right spot.

00:55:23.000 I remember when I first started going around the store in, what, 2000?

00:55:26.000 I started staying up in 2007, so I was right around there, and just going open mics and waiting for four hours, and Tommy telling me I'm going up, and then not going up, and then being like, And he's like, well, maybe come back tomorrow.

00:55:35.000 But being around, even if I didn't go up, I was around for four hours, and I didn't just sit and wait.

00:55:41.000 I milled around, and that's where I met Tony and all these guys that you're like, oh, cool, you're doing this too.

00:55:47.000 And the connecting over that is an immediate bond that's just like, Once you kind of lock eyes with someone, they're like, oh, you're trying to do this too?

00:55:54.000 Unspoken respect.

00:55:55.000 And then also like, oh, cool.

00:55:57.000 Somebody that like, oh, we both didn't go up.

00:56:00.000 Or you got up.

00:56:00.000 Oh, cool.

00:56:01.000 Yeah, well, dude, next time maybe do this.

00:56:03.000 And then, oh, where are you going now?

00:56:04.000 You know, it's late. 0.96

00:56:05.000 Like, I'm fucking, I'm jazzed from watching four hours of comedy and not going up. 0.98

00:56:08.000 And I feel like it's sad if I just go to bed. 0.97

00:56:10.000 So, oh, well, let's go fucking play video games and smoke weed and just talk about our experience of that night. 0.95

00:56:16.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:56:17.000 There are wild times that you don't appreciate at the moment because you're worried.

00:56:22.000 You don't know if the future is ever going to be real.

00:56:25.000 You don't know if you're ever going to be a real comedian, you know, because you want to do it.

00:56:29.000 You're obsessed with it, but it's hard to even get on stage.

00:56:32.000 It's hard to even take the first steps towards the dream.

00:56:36.000 So it's like even though it's an amazing time and you're going to look back on it so fondly forever, At the time, it's crazy.

00:56:44.000 At the time, you just don't know.

00:56:45.000 And that not knowing and not being able to control your destiny as a young person is one of the most terrifying and paralyzing feelings.

00:56:54.000 Because you don't know if it's going to happen in whatever you're trying to do.

00:56:58.000 You're a fog of...

00:57:01.000 Hope and dreams.

00:57:04.000 I don't know.

00:57:05.000 I don't know.

00:57:05.000 I can't see the future.

00:57:06.000 I don't know if it's ever going to work out.

00:57:08.000 The uncertainty that is a constant cloud over your head.

00:57:11.000 But also the appropriate amount of delusion and enthusiasm for wanting to make it, right?

00:57:17.000 Or make it.

00:57:17.000 I mean, just wanting to be able to work in this world.

00:57:21.000 Well, I was very fortunate that I'm a very determined person because I was terrible when I started.

00:57:26.000 Yeah, I mean occasionally I had some good jokes, but I was bad at putting it together, but I didn't know how to write.

00:57:32.000 I didn't know.

00:57:32.000 I just knew like what I liked and I knew that I could make people laugh in inappropriate ways.

00:57:39.000 I just couldn't figure out how to get that.

00:57:41.000 Were you comfy on stage?

00:57:42.000 No.

00:57:43.000 It took a while.

00:57:44.000 It took a while for me to be comfortable on stage.

00:57:45.000 It was just so crazy.

00:57:46.000 I was so nervous about it.

00:57:47.000 But I had fought like a hundred times.

00:57:50.000 It's just so weird that like getting kicked in the head didn't make me as nervous as talking to people.

00:57:55.000 That's so wild to me.

00:57:56.000 It's so crazy.

00:57:57.000 There was a lot of fear that came with the fighting that didn't come with stand-up like all throughout the day.

00:58:01.000 Like, you'd have massive anxiety all throughout the day, on sparring days.

00:58:06.000 You'd have massive anxiety when you're going to a tournament.

00:58:08.000 And that's when I became funny, because I would make everybody laugh when we were all freaking out. 0.78

00:58:12.000 Because we were, like, on a bus, driving to New York together to go get kicked in the face.

00:58:17.000 Trying to laugh.

00:58:18.000 I would just make jokes because it's very likely that one of us might get knocked unconscious.

00:58:23.000 I'd seen a few of my friends get knocked unconscious and it's a terrifying feeling.

00:58:29.000 I saw a friend of mine get axe kicked in the face and he was really never the same guy again after that.

00:58:37.000 He was a really good fighter and we went up to Canada and he fought this guy named Jersey Long.

00:58:43.000 And Jersey Long was this national champion from Canada who was nasty.

00:58:48.000 He was nasty.

00:58:49.000 And he caught my friend in the head with an axe kick and KO'd him.

00:58:52.000 And I didn't think my friend should have been fighting him.

00:58:54.000 I didn't think my friend was good enough at that point and experienced enough.

00:58:57.000 He was good.

00:58:58.000 He was very talented.

00:58:59.000 But he didn't have enough experience on a national level.

00:59:01.000 And this guy was at the peak of his form. 0.99

00:59:04.000 And he fucking caught him so hard. 0.99

00:59:06.000 And it was so horrible watching him crumple and go unconscious. 1.00

00:59:10.000 And I was like, God damn. 0.99

00:59:14.000 It was one of the worst KOs I'd ever seen live from a friend getting KO'd. 1.00

00:59:18.000 I was like, God damn. 0.97

00:59:19.000 Did that make you really just reevaluate everything at that point? 0.99

00:59:21.000 Oh, it made me a bunch of times, made me reevaluate.

00:59:24.000 KOing people made me reevaluate it.

00:59:26.000 Watching people snoring on the ground and knowing that could have easily been you.

00:59:31.000 Easily could have been you.

00:59:33.000 Easily.

00:59:34.000 You know?

00:59:35.000 Easily.

00:59:36.000 There was definitely guys that could have knocked me into the shadow realm.

00:59:39.000 They just didn't.

00:59:40.000 I just got lucky.

00:59:42.000 I got lucky and I never really got knocked out until my last kickboxing fight.

00:59:45.000 I'd get TKO and I was still conscious.

00:59:47.000 I was okay.

00:59:48.000 I got rocked.

00:59:49.000 I got hit with a left hook and dropped.

00:59:51.000 My legs just disappeared.

00:59:52.000 My legs just went, weep, go away.

00:59:54.000 What's that like?

00:59:55.000 It's weird.

00:59:55.000 It never happened before.

00:59:56.000 I'd been rocked before in the gym, but I'd never been dropped where I was really exhausted.

01:00:01.000 It was my third fight of the night, too.

01:00:03.000 Because even that's a crapshoot, right?

01:00:04.000 Like when you're getting kicked in the head, you go down or whatever it is that knocks you out.

01:00:09.000 It's still, right?

01:00:10.000 There's always the, oh, a couple centimeters to the left and that would have actually...

01:00:13.000 This guy caught me perfect on the jaw and I think I had my mouth open because I think I was tired.

01:00:17.000 Because it was, like I said, it was the third fight of the day.

01:00:20.000 And I remember being exhausted because I would get sick a lot of times before fights because I would get nervous.

01:00:26.000 So I'd get real nervous and then your immune system drops.

01:00:28.000 Wow.

01:00:28.000 Because you're freaking out all the time.

01:00:30.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:00:30.000 Yeah, and also you're cutting weight. 1.00

01:00:32.000 I'd be cutting my calories down because I was trying to compete in a different weight class.

01:00:36.000 But those nerves don't enter in the comedy.

01:00:38.000 Like before your live special, which I told you a couple days ago, but it was awesome.

01:00:41.000 Thanks, thank you.

01:00:42.000 And also I'm just...

01:00:44.000 I love doing it different, man. 0.99

01:00:46.000 When Harlan Williams did a fucking special outdoors in front of animals, I was like, fuck yeah. 0.99

01:00:51.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

01:00:52.000 Doing something different.

01:00:52.000 But the live thing is so...

01:00:54.000 Not guaranteed, man.

01:00:55.000 You're prepped.

01:00:56.000 You're ready.

01:00:56.000 You've done live.

01:00:57.000 But like still, you're still...

01:00:59.000 It's still a new challenge, right?

01:01:02.000 I said no to it at first.

01:01:04.000 I was like, I don't want to do that. 1.00

01:01:05.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:01:06.000 We'll put you over the top. 1.00

01:01:07.000 And what were the nerves like that were... 1.00

01:01:09.000 Well, what put me over the top was I was like, why are you scared, pussy? 1.00

01:01:13.000 This is like, what do you like to do? 1.00

01:01:14.000 You like to do things that scare you. 1.00

01:01:15.000 Do this thing, you fucking bitch. 1.00

01:01:17.000 That's exactly what I thought to myself. 1.00

01:01:19.000 Because I said no.

01:01:20.000 I was on the phone with my manager and she said Netflix wants to do a live special. 0.99

01:01:23.000 I was like, fuck that. 0.99

01:01:25.000 I go, I don't want to do that. 1.00

01:01:26.000 No, no, no.

01:01:26.000 Tell them no.

01:01:27.000 Maybe I'll do a special.

01:01:28.000 But at that time, I wasn't even thinking about doing a special.

01:01:31.000 I was just working on comedy.

01:01:33.000 I was just having fun and just doing comedy. 0.97

01:01:35.000 And then being at my own club, it was fucking wonderful. 1.00

01:01:38.000 And then I was like, why are you being such a bitch? 1.00

01:01:42.000 When I said no, and then when I got home, I think, or maybe the next morning, I called her up and I said, don't tell no yet. 0.99

01:01:48.000 Let me think about it.

01:01:49.000 And then the next day I said, I'm going to do it.

01:01:51.000 Conversations with other people about it?

01:01:53.000 I didn't tell anybody.

01:01:54.000 A car pep talk or what? 1.00

01:01:55.000 No, no, just my own head was like, this is what you're supposed to do, stupid. 1.00

01:02:00.000 Just do something that scares the shit out of you, because that scares the shit out of you. 1.00

01:02:04.000 But I just realized, like, I'm having great shows.

01:02:09.000 I know that the material's tight.

01:02:11.000 It's funny.

01:02:12.000 I'm like, what am I worried about?

01:02:13.000 I'm not going to be able to...

01:02:14.000 I do it every night.

01:02:15.000 Just do it like a regular night.

01:02:16.000 And I do everything live.

01:02:18.000 I do the UFC live.

01:02:20.000 I used to do YouTube videos we used to do live.

01:02:23.000 Used to stream the podcast live.

01:02:25.000 I've done so many shows live, like, what am I worried about? 0.97

01:02:27.000 And I'm like, oh, you're worried about fucking up. 0.98

01:02:29.000 Okay, well, don't think about fucking up. 0.98

01:02:30.000 Think about doing it the best way you can do it. 0.98

01:02:33.000 And the best way I could do it was, like, to over-prepare.

01:02:36.000 So I prepared like crazy.

01:02:38.000 I was in at one point in time, I was doing six hours a week.

01:02:43.000 So I was doing three nights, two shows a night, headlining. 0.99

01:02:48.000 Goddamn. 0.98

01:02:48.000 Yeah, you're ready at that point. 0.98

01:02:49.000 After like an hour and 15 minutes of other guys killing, an hour and 15, an hour and a half sometimes.

01:02:56.000 One time it was an hour and 45 minutes because the Protect Our Parks guys were all with me. 0.99

01:03:00.000 Oh shit. 0.99

01:03:01.000 So we all went out and we were blazed. 1.00

01:03:02.000 We were all so drunk.

01:03:04.000 We were so drunk.

01:03:06.000 When we got there, we hopped out of the limo and ran upstairs.

01:03:10.000 That's awesome. 0.85

01:03:11.000 It was ridiculous.

01:03:12.000 At one point, Norman got so drunk during the podcast that he went backstage, threw up, and then went to sleep. 0.61

01:03:21.000 So you know that backstage area?

01:03:22.000 Oh yeah.

01:03:23.000 Like right behind the stage?

01:03:24.000 Real cozy.

01:03:24.000 Yeah, he was sleeping up there.

01:03:26.000 Yeah, out cold.

01:03:27.000 So he goes up and then, you know, Ari's hammered. 1.00

01:03:30.000 He goes up.

01:03:32.000 Brian Simpson was there.

01:03:34.000 Tony was there.

01:03:35.000 It was a giant, crazy show.

01:03:37.000 But all those shows, when you're going up that late, it's like running with weights on.

01:03:41.000 You've got to keep that momentum going.

01:03:42.000 You've got to keep things tight.

01:03:43.000 So all I did was just over-prepare.

01:03:45.000 I just really listened to a lot of recordings.

01:03:48.000 I watched the video from Friday night because we recorded Friday night, too.

01:03:52.000 Oh, great.

01:03:53.000 So I watched that video.

01:03:54.000 I was writing bits out that I knew, but I was writing them out word for word on a notebook over and over again.

01:04:00.000 And when you're overprepared, I'm assuming, I don't know if you riffed anything in the moment, but I feel like when you are that in the pocket, you're like, all right, now I feel comfy to shoot from the hip.

01:04:08.000 Yeah, you could just do a show, like a regular show, like how you would do it.

01:04:12.000 That's how I thought.

01:04:13.000 I'll just go, I go, I want to overprepare, but I just want to do it like a regular show.

01:04:17.000 Yeah.

01:04:18.000 But it's also a regular show in a theater, which was odd because I had only done my club for a year and a half.

01:04:23.000 I hadn't done any other venue for a whole year and a half.

01:04:26.000 Before Friday night, I had not done any other big places.

01:04:30.000 Wow.

01:04:31.000 Yeah, for a long-ass time.

01:04:33.000 I think the last time I did a big place was probably one of the arenas that I did.

01:04:39.000 And then I went to the club, and then I stayed in the club for like a year and a half.

01:04:42.000 So next special you have to be, what, blackout drunk?

01:04:46.000 Just to mix it up?

01:04:47.000 No, I think I'll do a live one again.

01:04:50.000 Yeah.

01:04:50.000 It was fun.

01:04:51.000 It was fucking terrifying, but fun. 0.97

01:04:53.000 Like, in the moment, it wasn't terrifying at all. 0.99

01:04:55.000 Yeah.

01:04:56.000 I was just in the moment and all I was doing was just concentrating on staying in the moment and enjoying myself and having a good time.

01:05:02.000 And doing it the best I can do it.

01:05:04.000 I was so prepared because I knew what my transitions were going to be.

01:05:09.000 I'd done that set in that order for like three weeks.

01:05:12.000 I was like, I was ready.

01:05:13.000 Yeah, we're going to live stream these Phil theater shows, I think.

01:05:16.000 Just taking a page out of the Kill Tony book.

01:05:19.000 Yeah, why not?

01:05:21.000 Because there's only a handful of theaters we're doing, but it's like there's people...

01:05:24.000 You know, you can reach way a bigger audience doing that.

01:05:27.000 And I mean, it's all the film shows all unscripted.

01:05:30.000 So it's like there's a little more room for, you know, something, whatever.

01:05:33.000 But I don't know.

01:05:33.000 Well, there's a lot, a lot of room for it.

01:05:35.000 But the most important thing is that's what people like.

01:05:39.000 Yes.

01:05:40.000 They like that you're going without a net.

01:05:42.000 Right.

01:05:42.000 They like it.

01:05:43.000 Yeah.

01:05:43.000 That's why they like the live Kill Tonys.

01:05:45.000 That's why they like all this stuff.

01:05:47.000 Yeah.

01:05:47.000 Anything can happen.

01:05:48.000 Yeah, look, Kill Tony at its base, the whole thing is, there's no net.

01:05:53.000 You know, it's like, you're gonna go up, some guy went up in Madison Square Garden, the first time he ever went on stage, ever.

01:05:58.000 Ever. 0.99

01:05:59.000 That's fucking so crazy, man. 0.99

01:06:01.000 Ever. 1.00

01:06:02.000 That's so crazy. 0.98

01:06:03.000 I mean, what a mindfuck that must be, to walk out in front of, and by the way, those people were harsh. 0.97

01:06:09.000 I was gonna ask you, how do you feel with a joke in? 0.97

01:06:11.000 They're like, so my mom is weird. 1.00

01:06:15.000 They're like, fuck you! 1.00

01:06:17.000 Boo! 1.00

01:06:18.000 I mean, the booze come in so quick sometimes.

01:06:20.000 Also, they're drunk, okay?

01:06:22.000 There's people out there, they've been ready for this show all day.

01:06:26.000 They've been day drinking. 0.99

01:06:26.000 They probably went to a pub, got fucked up. 0.99

01:06:29.000 Oh, in New York, yeah. 0.97

01:06:29.000 Yeah, they're walking, and then they walked into this most iconic arena, their favorite show. 0.97

01:06:35.000 It's live.

01:06:36.000 There's 16,000 people. 1.00

01:06:37.000 They're fucked up! 1.00

01:06:38.000 Let's go, Tony! 1.00

01:06:39.000 And then some guys on stage, and it's not that good.

01:06:42.000 You're like, boo!

01:06:43.000 It's normal.

01:06:44.000 I paid for this, yeah.

01:06:45.000 Especially in New York.

01:06:46.000 Especially in New York.

01:06:48.000 I know.

01:06:48.000 They're not polite.

01:06:49.000 If it's going south, they're going to let you know.

01:06:52.000 But that's part of the fun.

01:06:54.000 Because when it goes great, they let you know, too.

01:06:56.000 They're great laughers. 0.99

01:06:57.000 Goddamn, when they were laughing, they were laughing hard. 0.99

01:06:59.000 It was a fun show. 0.99

01:07:01.000 It was really fun.

01:07:02.000 But it's that...

01:07:04.000 Weirdness of like it could go sideways.

01:07:06.000 It could be awesome, but it's always gonna be funny. 0.97

01:07:09.000 Yeah, and so and then you got the regulars like William Montgomery is a goddamn national treasure. 0.87

01:07:14.000 I can't get enough of him. 0.94

01:07:16.000 I love him to death.

01:07:17.000 Me too, man.

01:07:18.000 He's so funny, dude He's so fucking funny and he gives it he's so I love to when people are just so he's such a kind guy But he's so like he just commits fully dude, and he's just always in the pocket and he's always and That's a tough thing, too, is going on, like,

01:07:33.000 I've only been on his long panel, or a five, ten minute bit, and it's like, to go on for a minute, and then, however long the interview part is, he's just always, he always delivers, I guess, which is, um...

01:07:44.000 He's a character, right?

01:07:47.000 He's this maniacal character, and you can get away with so much as that maniacal character.

01:07:52.000 I met his, uh, he's got two brothers, but I met one, and he goes, hi, my name's Vance, and he goes, I'm William's brother, and I was like, of course you are!

01:07:59.000 Like, he just had all the William, like, really just a very intense, like, good to see you.

01:08:04.000 You ever notice how William hugs you?

01:08:05.000 Oh, yeah.

01:08:05.000 He hugs you like he might be stabbing you.

01:08:07.000 He hugs you like a Trump handshake.

01:08:09.000 Like, he pulls you in and then it's really...

01:08:11.000 It's weird.

01:08:11.000 Like, he's stabbing you, actually.

01:08:12.000 Very tense.

01:08:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:08:14.000 Like, he might want to stab you. 0.99

01:08:15.000 What is that? 0.99

01:08:15.000 That's just a... 0.99

01:08:15.000 I don't know what it is. 0.99

01:08:16.000 I'm trying to relax him on it.

01:08:19.000 For several years now.

01:08:21.000 He just hugs you and you're like, am I in trouble?

01:08:23.000 Am I in danger here? 0.99

01:08:25.000 What the fuck is happening here? 0.99

01:08:27.000 Are we jumping out of a plane? 1.00

01:08:28.000 Why are you holding onto me so tight?

01:08:29.000 What a writing exercise that show is.

01:08:31.000 To have to come up with a whole new minute every week, that's bananas.

01:08:36.000 It's a bananas experience.

01:08:38.000 I mean, it's such a crazy job.

01:08:40.000 And to do it live, in front of a crowd, and then have it on YouTube, and if you bomb, it's on YouTube forever. 1.00

01:08:46.000 It's like, that's the ballsiest shit you can do, man. 0.99

01:08:49.000 Let me ask you this. 1.00

01:08:50.000 Would you ever go on...

01:08:51.000 Like, now that there have been...

01:08:53.000 You know, I've gone on as a few characters.

01:08:54.000 Shane going on doing Trump.

01:08:55.000 If there was ever a pitch to you from Tony or whoever, because you're a good actor, man.

01:08:59.000 And would there ever be a world if somebody was like, dude, Joe, let's get you up in some...

01:09:03.000 If I had an impression that was really good...

01:09:05.000 Like a bucket pole that was like a wild person, not even like a long panel thing, but like a...

01:09:09.000 Yeah, I would do that.

01:09:10.000 Like a fake person, you know what I'm saying?

01:09:11.000 It would have to be a person that I could actually do an impression of.

01:09:14.000 Okay.

01:09:14.000 Because I'm not that good.

01:09:15.000 I only have a few.

01:09:16.000 Like, I can do Dice and I can do Joey.

01:09:19.000 But it's only a few.

01:09:21.000 But what about an original?

01:09:23.000 There's a guy named Earl Strickland.

01:09:24.000 This is my best impression.

01:09:26.000 My best impression is a professional pool player.

01:09:29.000 Let's go.

01:09:30.000 For real.

01:09:30.000 His voice or just the way he is?

01:09:32.000 No, there's a video of me doing an impression of him.

01:09:34.000 I sound exactly like him.

01:09:36.000 Awesome.

01:09:36.000 And I say the crazy, he's a genius.

01:09:39.000 Genius pool, one of the greatest pool players of all time. 0.99

01:09:41.000 But like all people that are incredible at what they do, they're nuts. 0.98

01:09:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:09:45.000 Almost all people that are really, really good at things are out of their fucking mind. 1.00

01:09:49.000 And he's out of his fucking mind. 1.00

01:09:50.000 And he's famous for things like he puts ankle weights on his wrists when he plays and tapes up his fingertips and puts shooting goggles on. 1.00

01:09:59.000 Meanwhile, he's one of the greatest pool players that's ever lived. 0.79

01:10:01.000 So he has all these gadgets and shit he does, but I do this impression to him. 0.87

01:10:05.000 Play it for me, because you've got to hear him talk. 0.97

01:10:09.000 That's my buddy Justin.

01:10:11.000 How are you doing tonight? 0.93

01:10:12.000 Pool is a beautiful game played by ugly people.

01:10:15.000 Okay, first of all, how are you going to play pool if you're not properly equipped? 0.56

01:10:20.000 Where's your beekeepers out there? 0.99

01:10:22.000 You don't have no ass weights. 1.00

01:10:24.000 I don't see you in waders. 0.98

01:10:26.000 What are you doing?

01:10:33.000 Wow, dude.

01:10:33.000 You've got to listen to the guy.

01:10:34.000 Doesn't even sound like you.

01:10:35.000 If that guy was famous, yeah, I could do a whole tour as him.

01:10:40.000 Oh, my God.

01:10:41.000 That's your next chapter, dude.

01:10:42.000 I could do a tour of pool halls.

01:10:44.000 Oh, my God.

01:10:45.000 Meet and greets with that guy.

01:10:46.000 But that's the only one I could do that good.

01:10:48.000 Well, here's the thing.

01:10:49.000 Even that voice, I'm like, dude, that's a Kill Tony guy.

01:10:53.000 You see that guy come on?

01:10:55.000 Right.

01:10:55.000 This is him.

01:11:00.000 Bro, you nailed it.

01:11:02.000 I know how to do his voice.

01:11:06.000 Oh, Joe. 0.99

01:11:06.000 It's played by a bunch of ugly people. 0.99

01:11:12.000 The Stache? 1.00

01:11:13.000 Bro.

01:11:13.000 Yeah, he's a wizard.

01:11:14.000 Now, is he so famous that a biopic is in the works if something happened?

01:11:20.000 They could do a biopic with Earl Strickland, and I could play Earl Strickland.

01:11:23.000 I can't play as good as Earl Strickland and not built like Earl Strickland, but I could definitely do an Earl Strickland impression.

01:11:29.000 Oh my god, dude.

01:11:30.000 He'd be so mad at me.

01:11:32.000 You met him, yeah?

01:11:33.000 Yeah, I met him.

01:11:34.000 He was happy when I met him.

01:11:36.000 I ran into him and he was like, why are you picking on me?

01:11:39.000 I'm a giant fan.

01:11:40.000 It's the only way I could do an impression of you that good.

01:11:43.000 I'm a huge fan.

01:11:44.000 And we became friendly.

01:11:46.000 But then I tried to get him on the podcast and he doesn't want to come on.

01:11:49.000 He's mad at me for something.

01:11:51.000 Doing his voice.

01:11:52.000 He did a podcast saying that he turned me down.

01:11:56.000 He didn't want to do my podcast.

01:11:58.000 I'm only a fan.

01:11:59.000 I only joke it around because I think you're awesome.

01:12:04.000 Is Poole your...

01:12:05.000 Man, how do I ask this question?

01:12:07.000 Not vice.

01:12:08.000 Number one, like, if you had the ideal day, like, a joint, a show, you know, maybe post-show for however long and you're hanging.

01:12:16.000 Obviously, I know you like your dinners and whatnot, but, like, is pool your true, like, you're in your happy place zen?

01:12:21.000 Well, it's just, to me, it's like a game that's also a mind cleanser.

01:12:25.000 So there's certain things...

01:12:26.000 And the social aspect of it, right?

01:12:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:12:28.000 Social aspect.

01:12:29.000 Well, if you're hanging around a pool hall, for sure.

01:12:30.000 Yeah.

01:12:31.000 Also, it's like pool players are also obsessed with it, the way you're obsessed with it, so you can talk about stuff that you can't talk about with other people, like tip millimeter sizes and carbon fiber shafts and shit.

01:12:42.000 Nobody wants to talk about that.

01:12:44.000 But the pool players can't wait to talk about it.

01:12:46.000 So you're talking about these weird aspects, very particular aspects of this game.

01:12:50.000 But while you're doing it, when you're just trying to concentrate on running out, just trying to concentrate on putting that cue ball, perfect for the next ball, perfect for the next, you're thinking three balls ahead, You're plotting your lines, and there's no room for anything else.

01:13:05.000 There's no room for, oh, I forgot to call that guy back.

01:13:08.000 Oh, I gotta do this.

01:13:10.000 Oh, I gotta do that.

01:13:11.000 Oh, I didn't do this today.

01:13:12.000 There's no room.

01:13:13.000 While you're shooting, it's a mind cleanser.

01:13:15.000 So all the things, should I do this?

01:13:17.000 Should I do that?

01:13:17.000 All that goes away.

01:13:18.000 Yeah.

01:13:18.000 And it just cleans your mind up because it requires all of you to make a hard shot, especially on tight pockets, a long shot on tight pockets.

01:13:26.000 It requires all of you to stay in line, have your stroking arm follow through smooth, have the proper grip on the cue where you're not gripping it too tight.

01:13:36.000 You're cradling it like a little baby bird.

01:13:39.000 Like a little baby bird in your hand.

01:13:42.000 And you're just letting that cue weight and the acceleration from your arm push through that ball.

01:13:47.000 And you want to watch that spin as it collides with the other ball and moves perfectly to the next ball.

01:13:53.000 That requires all of you.

01:13:55.000 So while you're doing that, it cleans your head out.

01:13:58.000 Dude, Strickland, you're just making me realize, is like Bob Ross for pool.

01:14:01.000 The way that you described all that, I was like, dude, that all made sense.

01:14:04.000 You just basically broke down pool in the most beautiful way.

01:14:06.000 And it really is, there's so much finesse, there's so much strategy, there's athleticism involved.

01:14:11.000 There's a little bit of body control.

01:14:14.000 I wouldn't call it athleticism, but you have to have execution.

01:14:17.000 You have to be able to execute the shots.

01:14:19.000 And that requires a finesse that's learned over thousands and thousands and thousands of shots.

01:14:25.000 I thought I was going to be a pro pool player at one point.

01:14:27.000 Really?

01:14:28.000 My mom was a single mom, four jobs, ran an assisted living homes, you know, activities.

01:14:35.000 That was one of the jobs, like bringing in, you know, our school choirs, and then just coming up with games for them. 0.98

01:14:40.000 And so I'd go there for a lot of times after school, and there was a guy that was like, I don't know, the fucking janitor? 0.96

01:14:45.000 Who knows if this guy even worked there? 0.97

01:14:47.000 But all of a sudden, I'd always be upstairs with him playing pool.

01:14:49.000 And my sister.

01:14:50.000 And, uh...

01:14:51.000 And he just, like, was so good and would, like, show us trick shots, and I got so into it.

01:14:56.000 It was one of those things you got so into for, like, three, four years, and then, I don't know, girls. 0.63

01:15:00.000 Yeah, but if you got someone who's good that showed you how to do it right, that's huge.

01:15:04.000 I always think back, every now, not always, but think back to, like, oh, man, what if I, like, had really made that a thing?

01:15:10.000 Because, I mean, who knows where I was, but all I know is I was playing, like, anything as a kid, right?

01:15:15.000 I was playing all the time.

01:15:17.000 To where I was like, oh man, what if that was like...

01:15:20.000 That would have been crazy.

01:15:20.000 If I knew you from the pool world instead of the comedy world, that would be crazy.

01:15:24.000 I know, right?

01:15:25.000 Yeah.

01:15:25.000 But then you probably would have had this thing in your head like, I think I could do comedy.

01:15:29.000 Oh, yeah.

01:15:30.000 I think I could do it.

01:15:31.000 You know, that thing that you had in your head before you ever started doing it, like that little voice.

01:15:35.000 It's like, maybe you should do comedy.

01:15:37.000 Oh, that was me on the bus, impersonating, doing Ace Ventura scenes.

01:15:41.000 So I was a fat kid, and then I was getting teased all the time.

01:15:45.000 You got a glow-up. 1.00

01:15:46.000 Look at you, you handsome bastard. 1.00

01:15:48.000 Fat kid to a glow-up. 1.00

01:15:49.000 I'm trying to take care of myself. 0.98

01:15:51.000 You're like the guy in It 2. Remember the fat kid in It 2 comes back buff and handsome in It 2?

01:15:59.000 You don't remember?

01:16:00.000 I didn't see it.

01:16:00.000 I watched it the other day.

01:16:02.000 In It 1, the chubby kid gets cut up by the bully.

01:16:05.000 Yeah.

01:16:06.000 Remember that?

01:16:06.000 Yeah.

01:16:07.000 Then in It 2, now he's a stud.

01:16:09.000 He's got like a six-pack, beautiful man.

01:16:11.000 Like something happened.

01:16:12.000 Well, yeah.

01:16:12.000 We're still working on that, but yeah.

01:16:13.000 You gotta glow up.

01:16:15.000 I appreciate it.

01:16:15.000 Yeah, I was getting teased all the time, so it was Fat Kid, and then I started making friends laugh, and they were like, oh, you're the funny kid.

01:16:21.000 So then I was like, oh, this is making them laugh, which feels good, and then it's also changing the way they're looking at me, which I felt like a crazy superpower.

01:16:30.000 I mean, it was sixth grade, and I was just, you know...

01:16:34.000 I just was like, oh, I gotta chase this then.

01:16:36.000 So then it was...

01:16:37.000 But I was doing it naturally.

01:16:38.000 I wasn't going out of my way to do it.

01:16:40.000 It just came...

01:16:41.000 I'd watch Ace Ventura, and then I was like, oh, I wanna do that to a couple friends on the bus.

01:16:45.000 And now I'm telling stories.

01:16:47.000 And then I would prank call Seattle Sports Radio stations and record it on my first Sony and play it for friends on the bus.

01:16:53.000 And they'd be like...

01:16:53.000 Just seeing them laugh was fun.

01:16:55.000 Or prank call...

01:16:56.000 One of the first things I did was there was a girl in our class that everybody had a crush on.

01:17:00.000 Me too. 0.99

01:17:01.000 But she was like, You have bigger tits than me. 1.00

01:17:03.000 Why would I like you? 1.00

01:17:04.000 And so I called my buddy who she ended up dating and pretended to be her, as I called him, with other friends.

01:17:11.000 Kind of diabolical.

01:17:12.000 Jesus.

01:17:13.000 You could do an impression of her that's that good?

01:17:14.000 In fourth grade, yeah.

01:17:15.000 I didn't sound like this.

01:17:17.000 In fourth grade, right.

01:17:18.000 That's insane, dude.

01:17:19.000 So even back then you were doing that?

01:17:21.000 Yeah.

01:17:21.000 Impersonating teachers and whatnot, and then, yeah.

01:17:24.000 That's hilarious.

01:17:25.000 But the chasing of it was, which is why I was telling somebody this the other day, Jim Carrey, when he came through, when he was scouting for I'm Dying Up Here at the Comedy Store, and I had never met him, and he's walking through, and Adam Eget's walking him through, and, you know, that movie was so influential on me, Jim Carrey in general,

01:17:41.000 but, like, how much I was, like, you know, involving it in making people laugh.

01:17:45.000 He walks...

01:17:46.000 Was it a movie or was it a television show?

01:17:48.000 Ace Ventura?

01:17:49.000 No, no, the comedy store thing.

01:17:50.000 Oh, a television show on Showtime.

01:17:52.000 Right.

01:17:52.000 Yeah.

01:17:52.000 Okay.

01:17:53.000 So he's coming through the back bar.

01:17:55.000 I think he was going to do Roast Battle.

01:17:56.000 And I'm sitting in the back bar, or the main bar of the store.

01:17:59.000 And he walks through.

01:18:01.000 And Adam's like, Hey, Adam, it's Jim Carrey.

01:18:04.000 And I go...

01:18:07.000 And Jim goes, okay, man, and keeps walking. 0.99

01:18:09.000 I was like, and Rob, the bartender, was like, dude, you fucking, what was that? 0.97

01:18:14.000 And I was like, I couldn't, I don't know. 0.97

01:18:16.000 Couldn't communicate.

01:18:17.000 And then I put it all together, and I was like, oh, dude, like, I'm sure subconsciously in that moment, I was like, oh, dude, this guy, you know, whether it was all about it or not, like, me just telling you all this stuff about the movie and influencing me and giving me the confidence to, like, want to try to make people laugh.

01:18:32.000 He was your Jesus.

01:18:33.000 Yeah, I mean, in a weird way.

01:18:34.000 He just met Jesus.

01:18:36.000 I mean, I think so, man.

01:18:37.000 That's what it was.

01:18:37.000 Put me on the track to trying to, and now that's my life?

01:18:40.000 I don't know.

01:18:41.000 Maybe I'm getting too heady about it.

01:18:42.000 No, you're not getting too heady.

01:18:43.000 No, I appreciate what you're saying.

01:18:45.000 That's exactly what it is.

01:18:47.000 Like, he is the guy that started the spark, right?

01:18:50.000 He's the guy that inspired you.

01:18:51.000 I think so.

01:18:51.000 You doing impressions of him getting laughs is what got you down the road.

01:18:55.000 Yeah.

01:18:56.000 Yeah.

01:18:56.000 So you meeting him was a freakout.

01:18:58.000 Yeah.

01:18:58.000 He should be used to freakouts by now.

01:19:00.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:19:01.000 Like you're fucking Jim Carrey, dude. 0.99

01:19:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:19:03.000 But I bet he gets bugged out by people that don't act normal around him. 0.99

01:19:07.000 Sure.

01:19:07.000 You know what I mean?

01:19:07.000 He's probably so tired of it.

01:19:08.000 Yeah, maybe you appreciate that. 0.97

01:19:10.000 And then Adam later was like, dude, you fucking froze in front of Jim Carrey, man. 0.92

01:19:14.000 That's a great Adam. 0.98

01:19:15.000 Dude, he was right there.

01:19:16.000 I don't know.

01:19:16.000 He's probably coming back.

01:19:17.000 You saw Santino. 0.98

01:19:20.000 He hasn't been here in 30 years, and now he's definitely not coming back because you fucking stared at him weird. 0.98

01:19:25.000 Ha! 0.98

01:19:27.000 I love Adam.

01:19:28.000 Shout out.

01:19:28.000 Shout out Adam Egan.

01:19:30.000 That's a perfect Adam Egan.

01:19:32.000 But, you know, those guys, I think that being that famous for that long is like radiation poisoning.

01:19:38.000 I think so.

01:19:39.000 You know, I think you have to have a very unique constitution to live near Chernobyl.

01:19:43.000 Oh, yeah.

01:19:43.000 And I think that a guy that's that famous for that long probably goes a little insane.

01:19:48.000 Wild, yeah.

01:19:49.000 And he also, like, became insane, I think, when he was doing Andy Kaufman.

01:19:52.000 He became like Andy Kaufman for like a year.

01:19:57.000 I know.

01:19:58.000 I need to be taking a...

01:19:59.000 Like, what if that happens to me with this Phil thing?

01:20:01.000 No.

01:20:02.000 Yeah, I know.

01:20:02.000 I can separate.

01:20:03.000 You separate.

01:20:04.000 You're talking to me before you went on stage.

01:20:06.000 You weren't Phil.

01:20:07.000 You were just you. 0.99

01:20:08.000 Can you imagine, fuck, if I was just like, Joe, you excited for tonight's show? 1.00

01:20:12.000 I would understand. 1.00

01:20:13.000 I'd go, yes.

01:20:14.000 Yeah, Phil, what's up?

01:20:15.000 Tell Jay I said hi.

01:20:18.000 I should have done it.

01:20:20.000 Dude, that coat you were wearing that night, you were, I mean, it was incredible, dude.

01:20:25.000 And you looked like, with your shades and that jacket.

01:20:28.000 I just wanted to be ridiculous, because we're at Madison Square Garden.

01:20:30.000 I love it, dude.

01:20:31.000 You were adding to the show.

01:20:33.000 To me, it felt like, this is so big, I should dress preposterous.

01:20:36.000 I feel preposterous.

01:20:37.000 Can I ask where you get a jacket like that?

01:20:39.000 Nordstrom's.

01:20:40.000 Let's go!

01:20:40.000 Shout out to Nordstrom's.

01:20:41.000 Let's go!

01:20:42.000 It's not...

01:20:44.000 No animals died in the making of that jacket.

01:20:46.000 A couple Muppets, maybe.

01:20:47.000 A few seals probably choked to death on the oil that spilled out.

01:20:51.000 Yeah, I mean, is that even eco-friendly when people have, like, fake fur?

01:20:56.000 I guess they think that it causes less death, but I wonder if overall it does.

01:21:01.000 I wonder if, like, what is the amount of life lost through the petrochemical production of nylon versus...

01:21:10.000 Beaver trapping.

01:21:13.000 How many lives get lost because of the actual production of fake leathers and plastics and chemicals?

01:21:23.000 How many things go into the ocean?

01:21:26.000 How many things die because they get poisoned by the runoff?

01:21:31.000 Where are these things made?

01:21:32.000 Let's ask Siri.

01:21:33.000 Where is this stuff made?

01:21:35.000 Is this stuff made in some third world country that doesn't have any environmental regulations and they're just dumping this waste into the river, which we know has happened?

01:21:44.000 But you feel better because you're wearing a fake fur?

01:21:47.000 I'm not sure.

01:21:48.000 I know.

01:21:49.000 I'm not sure.

01:21:50.000 I think we might be better off just using real fur.

01:21:52.000 Maybe.

01:21:53.000 I bet we are.

01:21:55.000 Yeah, but it's just cruel.

01:21:56.000 The idea of killing an animal just for its skin is just cruel.

01:22:00.000 Pretty wild.

01:22:00.000 It's wild.

01:22:01.000 But I mean, we kill them for food. 0.54

01:22:03.000 It's weird to be like, there's places that are fur-free zones now.

01:22:07.000 Okay?

01:22:07.000 Right?

01:22:08.000 Like states?

01:22:09.000 Like places you can't sell furs.

01:22:11.000 I bet you could still wear them.

01:22:13.000 It is America.

01:22:14.000 Yeah.

01:22:14.000 But here's the thing.

01:22:15.000 You can't sell fur.

01:22:16.000 I think you can't sell fur in parts of Los Angeles.

01:22:20.000 See if that's true.

01:22:21.000 Sounds about right.

01:22:21.000 I think they put a ban on selling fur.

01:22:24.000 But you can still sell leather. 1.00

01:22:25.000 Do you know how fucking insane you are? 1.00

01:22:27.000 When you have animal skin on almost everything. 1.00

01:22:31.000 You have animal skin on the inside of your car.

01:22:33.000 You have animal skin on your shoes.

01:22:35.000 You have animal skin on your belt.

01:22:37.000 You have animal skin on your wallet.

01:22:38.000 You have animal skin everywhere.

01:22:40.000 If it's better, it's leather upholstered.

01:22:43.000 Yeah.

01:22:43.000 Look.

01:22:43.000 Look at this beautiful leather upholstery.

01:22:46.000 Yeah.

01:22:46.000 It's better if it has leather.

01:22:48.000 So you have animal skin everywhere.

01:22:50.000 Everywhere!

01:22:51.000 As long as there's no fuzz on it.

01:22:54.000 Fur sales are illegal in California.

01:22:57.000 In 2019, state of California became the first state to ban fur.

01:23:02.000 State's Governor Gavin Newsom signed into law AB44, which bans the sales and manufacturing of new clothing and accessories made from fur.

01:23:11.000 I get it.

01:23:12.000 I get people wanting to be kind and not kill an animal for its fur.

01:23:18.000 I totally understand where you're coming from.

01:23:21.000 But it is a little weird that we're okay with leather.

01:23:25.000 It's a little weird. 1.00

01:23:26.000 And don't ban leather, you motherfuckers. 1.00

01:23:28.000 That's not my point. 1.00

01:23:29.000 My point is, shut the fuck up and let people do whatever they want to do. 0.98

01:23:34.000 I don't think you should ban furs. 0.99

01:23:36.000 I don't want one.

01:23:38.000 I'd rather have a fake one, you know?

01:23:40.000 What do you think about the text?

01:23:41.000 Just because I feel bad.

01:23:42.000 Yeah.

01:23:42.000 But I mean, but I get it.

01:23:44.000 If I was living in a place where they couldn't, like, where did it all come from, right?

01:23:49.000 It came from, that was the only way to stay alive.

01:23:51.000 People wore big-ass fur coats because it protects you.

01:23:54.000 They don't wear fur coats.

01:23:55.000 The Inuits don't wear fur coats because it looks cool.

01:23:58.000 They want to stay alive.

01:23:59.000 Yeah, it's warmth.

01:24:00.000 Yeah, that's all it is.

01:24:01.000 It's the best way to stay alive, especially when you're getting it from these animals that you're killing.

01:24:05.000 Yeah.

01:24:05.000 Like, that's literally how you get your clothes and your food.

01:24:08.000 It's from these animals.

01:24:09.000 That's the origin of it all.

01:24:11.000 Now it's like a weird thing.

01:24:12.000 Because you're wearing it to show everyone you're a baller.

01:24:15.000 You come in in a full-length mink coat.

01:24:16.000 What's up, player?

01:24:18.000 Yeah.

01:24:18.000 Woo!

01:24:18.000 Like my ostrich hat.

01:24:20.000 Yeah, you just, you have feathers on your cap from some exotic bird that had lost its fucking life so you could look like a pimp. 0.99

01:24:26.000 And you just stroll in. 0.99

01:24:27.000 Just to go to the Clippers game in style.

01:24:29.000 Wearing gold all over your hands and fingers. 1.00

01:24:31.000 It's an alligator pussy ring. 1.00

01:24:33.000 Diamonds carved out of the ground by child labor, you know, and you're just glittering and shining. 0.99

01:24:39.000 You have to walk in like that, by the way.

01:24:41.000 Yeah, if you've got a fur coat, you have to walk in like this.

01:24:43.000 Even though the coat's doing the talking for you.

01:24:45.000 My friend Bill had one.

01:24:46.000 I put one on once.

01:24:47.000 I was like, oh my god, this thing's amazing.

01:24:49.000 We were in Aspen, and he had a mink coat.

01:24:51.000 I go, what is that?

01:24:52.000 What is that coat?

01:24:52.000 Let me try that on.

01:24:53.000 I put it on.

01:24:54.000 I was like, oh my god.

01:24:55.000 This is amazing.

01:24:56.000 It insulates you so perfectly.

01:24:59.000 Pimps made mink coats popular?

01:25:02.000 I don't know who made mink coats popular, but they're popular with rich ladies. 1.00

01:25:05.000 Rich ladies, yeah. 1.00

01:25:06.000 It's rich ladies. 1.00

01:25:08.000 I think pimps caught on.

01:25:11.000 Didn't Joe Namath famously wear a mink coat? 1.00

01:25:16.000 Baller shit! 1.00

01:25:17.000 It's baller shit! 1.00

01:25:19.000 But back then, people didn't think twice because everybody was just trying to stay alive. 1.00

01:25:22.000 They were just trying to not starve to death. 0.98

01:25:24.000 They didn't give a fuck about those animals. 0.90

01:25:27.000 And once things got soft and sweet and people started doing way better in society, it's like you don't have to worry about starving to death. 0.99

01:25:35.000 Everyone's like, hey, why are we killing these little animals for their fur?

01:25:37.000 Yeah, let them live.

01:25:38.000 What do you think about the taxidermy stuff?

01:25:40.000 Like the full-on people that have rooms with just...

01:25:42.000 I don't do that with animals I hunt because I like what's called a European mount and a European mount is the skull with the antlers on it.

01:25:52.000 Just the actual skull.

01:25:53.000 I know what it looked like.

01:25:55.000 I don't want a fake representation of it on my wall.

01:25:58.000 It's basically a doll.

01:25:59.000 First of all, the people that do it are amazing and the art of it is pretty incredible because it is an art form.

01:26:05.000 What you're doing is you're You're using this mold, right?

01:26:09.000 So you have a mold that's roughly the size of the torso of the animal that you killed.

01:26:13.000 They have a photograph of the animal that you killed.

01:26:16.000 And then they take the skin from the animal that you killed and mold it around this foam and do it so perfectly that it looks just like the animal.

01:26:25.000 They put fake eyes and they do it all up and it's got the antlers from the actual animal on it.

01:26:30.000 And they've made a fake version of this animal that you killed.

01:26:35.000 I get it.

01:26:35.000 I get it, but it's not for me.

01:26:37.000 Right.

01:26:37.000 Also, I don't know.

01:26:38.000 I feel like I would get pretty baked in my own house and have some late night freak outs at some of these things that look super...

01:26:45.000 A buddy of mine has a full house of them.

01:26:48.000 His name's Doug.

01:26:49.000 He lives in Jersey.

01:26:50.000 But he's into it for the artistic...

01:26:53.000 He says it's beautiful.

01:26:55.000 It's got this big...

01:26:57.000 Jimmy, you don't have that thing I was going to show Joe, do you?

01:26:59.000 The little trailer?

01:27:01.000 So Joe, I made this doc called Doug about my friend who was a lifeguard when he was 21 in the 70s, jumped into a pool in Jersey to save a kid who was faking drowning.

01:27:11.000 And he ended up being paralyzed from the neck down.

01:27:14.000 And his brother Brian, who was an accountant, quit doing that.

01:27:17.000 To save his brother mentally, physically, who's in the hospital, wanted to die, was like, leave me in the pool.

01:27:22.000 I don't want to live like this.

01:27:23.000 He was a college football star, you know, going to be a lawyer.

01:27:27.000 Brian not only gets him physically fit and mentally stable, you know, to a place to where he wants to live, gets him so strong that he enters the Paralympics, ends up becoming the world champ, setting all the world records, gets on the cover of a Wheaties box, travels the world with Michael Jordan, Joe Montana, Bo Jackson, speaking to people all over the world,

01:27:43.000 becomes a criminal lawyer, helps get the Disability Act going.

01:27:46.000 And so I meet Brian, who's now a physical therapist to the stars in New York.

01:27:50.000 And he goes, he's telling me about his brother.

01:27:53.000 He's like, dude, you got to meet my brother Doug. 0.99

01:27:54.000 This guy's a fucking, he's incredible. 0.99

01:27:56.000 Come to New Jersey and meet my brother. 1.00

01:27:57.000 You can hear him.

01:27:58.000 It's as good as your Strickland impression.

01:28:01.000 And so I go to Jersey and I see his place.

01:28:03.000 He shows me all these pictures and videos of him with the Pope and Christopher Reeve and Regis and Kathie Lee. 0.99

01:28:08.000 And I'm like, holy shit. 0.95

01:28:09.000 Is this doc out already? 0.69

01:28:10.000 Yeah, it's on YouTube.

01:28:11.000 And I just, it's a one minute trailer.

01:28:12.000 Let's see the trailer.

01:28:13.000 Let's see the trailer.

01:28:14.000 Thanks, brother.

01:28:15.000 So I directed it.

01:28:16.000 It's the first time.

01:28:17.000 The Doug Ayer story.

01:28:18.000 From the Wheaties cereal box to the Olympics.

01:28:21.000 It was 1978 when Doug Ayer, as a lifeguard, dove into a pool to save a drowning boy.

01:28:26.000 When I dove in, this fan kicked back and my head hit the bottom of the pool.

01:28:32.000 There's no problem.

01:28:33.000 I don't feel my legs.

01:28:34.000 I don't feel anything.

01:28:36.000 I'm screaming to the guards, come on, come on!

01:28:39.000 My life, it like ended and began right at that moment.

01:28:43.000 My brother, he goes, you're not going to get this corny arm.

01:28:46.000 He would duct tape one pound wrist weights to my hand.

01:28:50.000 They told me about wheelchair sports.

01:28:52.000 He goes out in the field, breaks the first world record, breaks the second world record, breaks the third world record.

01:29:00.000 We never thought we'd see that.

01:29:02.000 Never.

01:29:03.000 Then, I got a phone call.

01:29:05.000 Soon, his picture will be pasted on three million boxes of the stuff.

01:29:10.000 You see my brother on the face of the weed?

01:29:12.000 So cool!

01:29:13.000 Where's it go from there, you know?

01:29:15.000 Hold down, get dirty in life, and get back up again.

01:29:18.000 And that's the journey.

01:29:19.000 And you can't beat the parking.

01:29:21.000 Just remember that.

01:29:27.000 Dude, that's badass.

01:29:29.000 Crazy story.

01:29:30.000 That's a crazy story.

01:29:31.000 So I went out there and I was like, I at least got to film the interviews and their mom just passed with Brian Doug.

01:29:36.000 Because the story of the brother, you know, just being there for Doug is wild and inspiring.

01:29:41.000 And, I don't know, you know, having that amount of pictures and video to accompany any doc, I feel like is pretty imperative.

01:29:48.000 It was overwhelming, so I was like, I'm going to come out and at least interview you guys, and then it took a couple years to put it all together.

01:29:53.000 But it's on my YouTube channel, youtube.com slash adamraycomedy.

01:29:56.000 I tried to pitch it a few places, didn't really have enough juice, and then I was like, I'm just going to put it up, because I want them to, it should be out there.

01:30:04.000 A movie on that story, I mean, it's wild, Joe.

01:30:06.000 I'll text you a link, it's only 50 minutes.

01:30:08.000 So you've never did a documentary or anything like this before?

01:30:12.000 No.

01:30:12.000 First one directed, yeah.

01:30:12.000 That's crazy.

01:30:13.000 So you just got inspired because of this guy's story to put this together?

01:30:16.000 1000%.

01:30:16.000 I was like, I can't believe that your story is not more...

01:30:20.000 I'm like, how the fuck have I not heard about this? 0.54

01:30:23.000 And I've talked to a few people since who have been like, oh, I remember seeing something on the news about this. 0.99

01:30:27.000 Yeah, fuckin' a quick news, a 10 second whatever.

01:30:31.000 And Brian's such a character. 0.93

01:30:33.000 The brother, that's who I was doing the voice of.

01:30:35.000 That's a great impression.

01:30:36.000 That is right.

01:30:37.000 It might be better than my earth trickle.

01:30:40.000 Easy.

01:30:41.000 But Brian now, that's his life now.

01:30:43.000 So that's also crazy.

01:30:44.000 He dedicated his life to helping his brother and now he is to the stars in New York and whoever else.

01:30:50.000 I mean, he'll be on a... 0.98

01:30:51.000 I flew him to Vegas once when I had a major back thing and three days of aggressive stretching and fucking fixed me and on the plane he's like, there's a woman next to me and her shoulder was fucking fucked up and I fixed the shoulder! 0.99

01:31:01.000 She wasn't able to do that for fucking 40 years! 1.00

01:31:03.000 Now she can! 0.99

01:31:04.000 And he kept telling me about Doug, and I was like...

01:31:06.000 What did he do to her shoulder that let her...

01:31:08.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:31:09.000 Just fucking licked it or something. 0.99

01:31:10.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:31:10.000 He did a little... 0.99

01:31:11.000 Release?

01:31:12.000 Some kind of manual release guy?

01:31:14.000 There's a name for the type of physical therapist he is, but he says that in case people don't understand, but he's a wizard, man.

01:31:20.000 And he...

01:31:22.000 Yeah, so I was like, I need to do this.

01:31:24.000 Does he do rolfing?

01:31:25.000 Is it that kind of stuff?

01:31:26.000 What's that?

01:31:27.000 That's that really painful kind of soft tissue manipulation.

01:31:31.000 You ever had it done?

01:31:32.000 No.

01:31:32.000 It's brutal, man.

01:31:33.000 Oh, really?

01:31:33.000 I mean, that's why I say aggressive stretching.

01:31:36.000 It's really...

01:31:37.000 But he just...

01:31:38.000 A lot of unlocking things.

01:31:41.000 But there's days when I've seen him...

01:31:43.000 I stuck around New York an extra day to get worked on and, you know, I get just from flying and carrying a lot of shit here, my quads get real tight all the time and so, you know, I'm just not stretching enough, which I know I got to, but, you know, he's like, I could use two more days with you to, like, really get you, you know.

01:31:58.000 Loosen you up.

01:31:58.000 Yeah.

01:32:00.000 Yeah, I've been doing a lot of stretching lately because I had done a lot of like, especially getting ready for the special, I was working out a lot also to calm my mind.

01:32:10.000 Yeah.

01:32:11.000 And I might have overdid it a little bit.

01:32:13.000 How so?

01:32:14.000 I just was sore, man.

01:32:15.000 My back was sore.

01:32:16.000 You could feel it on stage as you were moving around?

01:32:18.000 And I decided on Saturday, no, not on stage, just mostly like when I wake up in the morning, I'm going a little too hard here.

01:32:26.000 Right.

01:32:27.000 But what it really was was I wasn't stretching enough. 0.98

01:32:30.000 And everything was just tight because I was doing a lot of like kettlebell shit, and it was just tight. 0.93

01:32:36.000 And I spent like two and a half hours on Saturday just stretching in my hotel room. 0.96

01:32:42.000 Just stretching.

01:32:43.000 That's all I did.

01:32:44.000 I just watched some YouTube videos and stretched.

01:32:46.000 And I felt a hundred percent better.

01:32:49.000 Yeah, of course you did. 1.00

01:32:50.000 And I was like, oh, you fucking idiot. 1.00

01:32:51.000 You should be doing this all the time. 1.00

01:32:53.000 I know.

01:32:54.000 I need to do long, stretch sessions like that all the time.

01:32:58.000 That's patience, man.

01:32:59.000 Two and a half hours?

01:33:00.000 Yeah, just watch YouTube. 1.00

01:33:01.000 Just put your phone down and watch some fucking documentary. 1.00

01:33:03.000 You have no excuse to not. 1.00

01:33:05.000 I know.

01:33:05.000 I tell my sis that now, too, when she's like, I need to find more time to exercise in this.

01:33:09.000 And I'm like, dude, you watch shows already after work.

01:33:12.000 Just for even 20 minutes, walk around and just space out.

01:33:17.000 Yeah.

01:33:17.000 Well, it's also if you want to exercise, like get on some kind of a cardio machine and watch a movie on an iPad.

01:33:24.000 It's a cheat code.

01:33:25.000 Yeah.

01:33:25.000 It's a cheat code.

01:33:26.000 It's how I watch anything is on the bike.

01:33:28.000 But it's the best way to distract yourself from the fact that you're exhausted.

01:33:31.000 Totally.

01:33:31.000 If you watch a good movie with headphones on and an iPad on like a stationary bike.

01:33:36.000 Oh, yeah.

01:33:38.000 Yeah.

01:33:38.000 You can enjoy the movie.

01:33:39.000 Yeah.

01:33:39.000 You actually can enjoy the movie and actually put in some serious cardio.

01:33:43.000 Yeah.

01:33:44.000 And you'll be distracted.

01:33:46.000 So you won't be thinking about the fact that you're exhausted on the bike.

01:33:49.000 You'll be thinking about, oh my God, don't go in the basement.

01:33:51.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:33:54.000 I can't fucking believe this. 0.99

01:33:55.000 This movie is insane. 1.00

01:33:56.000 This fucking movie is insane. 1.00

01:33:58.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

01:33:58.000 Especially a good thriller, you know? 1.00

01:34:01.000 Oh, yeah.

01:34:01.000 It keeps you engaged.

01:34:03.000 What's your go-to workout movie?

01:34:06.000 Can you not watch?

01:34:07.000 Are you a re-watcher?

01:34:08.000 Yes.

01:34:09.000 John Wick.

01:34:10.000 John Wick's the greatest ever workout movie.

01:34:12.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:34:13.000 Ever.

01:34:13.000 Yeah.

01:34:14.000 Yeah.

01:34:16.000 I have a confession.

01:34:17.000 Haven't seen it.

01:34:17.000 Oh my god.

01:34:19.000 It's like a girl saying she hasn't seen Barbie. 0.88

01:34:20.000 Put it up, Jamie.

01:34:22.000 It's like a girl saying she hasn't seen Barbie, really. 0.93

01:34:24.000 Right.

01:34:24.000 Oh, wow.

01:34:25.000 Yeah.

01:34:25.000 It's the most insanely violent movie of all time.

01:34:29.000 It's so insane.

01:34:29.000 It's Keanu, right?

01:34:30.000 Yeah, it's so Keanu. 0.99

01:34:31.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.93

01:34:31.000 And they've made 15. They've made four of them, I think. 0.93

01:34:35.000 Four?

01:34:35.000 Right, yeah.

01:34:36.000 I remember hearing this last one.

01:34:37.000 It was the talk of the town.

01:34:38.000 People were like...

01:34:39.000 It's a fun movie.

01:34:39.000 But it's a really good movie to work out to because it's just so crazy.

01:34:42.000 Cool.

01:34:43.000 Because so many people are getting killed.

01:34:44.000 You're just like...

01:34:45.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:34:48.000 You get in those extra reps.

01:34:50.000 You're watching people engage.

01:34:51.000 You get fired up from it.

01:34:51.000 Mortal Kombat.

01:34:52.000 Yeah.

01:34:52.000 Wow, yeah.

01:34:53.000 It's a crazy movie.

01:34:54.000 Mortal Kombat.

01:34:55.000 It's fun.

01:34:55.000 Remember when that became a game?

01:34:57.000 Oh, yeah.

01:34:58.000 Dude, I understood why my mom was like, you can't play video games. 1.00

01:35:02.000 Because I remember sitting downstairs...

01:35:04.000 I had my bar mitzvah.

01:35:05.000 She goes, I'm not buying you a video game system, but you can use some of your Jew money to buy. 1.00

01:35:09.000 She didn't say that.

01:35:09.000 She goes, you can buy some of your money from gifts to buy.

01:35:16.000 And so I bought a Super Nintendo.

01:35:17.000 And then I got, I think, a Sega.

01:35:19.000 And then Mortal Kombat.

01:35:20.000 Or my buddy had a Sega.

01:35:21.000 And we played Mortal Kombat.

01:35:23.000 And I remember just being like, what is happening right now? 0.99

01:35:26.000 We went from Street Fighter, which is throwing harukets and whatnot, and then just ripping a guy's cock off. 0.99

01:35:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:34.000 Yeah, you could kill people. 1.00

01:35:35.000 Finish him. 1.00

01:35:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:35:37.000 You pull their fucking skull out with their spine attached to it. 1.00

01:35:40.000 Pretty cool. 1.00

01:35:40.000 And then just go have it fucking Crustable right after. 1.00

01:35:43.000 And it's very addictive. 0.99

01:35:44.000 Yeah.

01:35:44.000 All those games are very addictive.

01:35:45.000 Were you ever a gamer?

01:35:46.000 Yeah.

01:35:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:35:47.000 What was your...

01:35:48.000 Quake.

01:35:48.000 But it's just because they're fun.

01:35:50.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:35:50.000 It's like they're not addictive because they suck. 0.99

01:35:53.000 They're awesome. 0.97

01:35:54.000 Yeah, dude.

01:35:54.000 They're just too awesome.

01:35:55.000 Yeah.

01:35:56.000 Like playing Quake is too awesome.

01:35:58.000 It's crazy fast-paced.

01:35:59.000 You're shooting rockets at people. 0.62

01:36:01.000 They're electrocuting you to death. 0.99

01:36:02.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:36:02.000 It's nuts. 0.98

01:36:04.000 It's such an adrenaline rush that you just don't want to stop.

01:36:07.000 You just want to go to the next game, go to the next game, keep playing, keep playing.

01:36:10.000 Next thing you know, you're exhausted, you're dehydrated, you haven't had any food in eight hours.

01:36:15.000 What's wrong with you?

01:36:16.000 And then you have to go to bed. 1.00

01:36:19.000 What the fuck is wrong with me? 0.99

01:36:20.000 Why am I still awake? 0.99

01:36:21.000 This is crazy.

01:36:22.000 I've only played...

01:36:24.000 Halo a handful of times.

01:36:25.000 My younger brother is pretty obsessed, but he's really good.

01:36:28.000 And I played it online and I was real high. 0.99

01:36:31.000 So I started to kind of get emotionally invested to where like, I'd see guys getting shot and I was like, fuck, I can't. 0.99

01:36:36.000 My heart was beating so fast. 0.99

01:36:37.000 It was too much.

01:36:38.000 Probably if I was sober, I would have been less.

01:36:39.000 You lost a comrade.

01:36:40.000 You felt real connected to it. 0.99

01:36:42.000 I was about fucked up. 0.97

01:36:43.000 Well, they have virtual reality ones now. 0.97

01:36:45.000 My friend Matt Serra, he plays these virtual reality...

01:36:48.000 With the goggles?

01:36:49.000 What's the one that Matt plays?

01:36:50.000 What is the game he plays?

01:36:52.000 That he's...

01:36:53.000 Population 1. Population 1. So it's a VR shooter.

01:36:56.000 So he's running around with VR goggles on.

01:36:59.000 So he really feels like he's in the game.

01:37:01.000 And he's like, get down! 1.00

01:37:03.000 They're shooting at each other and shit. 1.00

01:37:05.000 It's nuts! 1.00

01:37:06.000 Oh my god.

01:37:06.000 He's got goggles on.

01:37:07.000 He's like in his fucking house. 1.00

01:37:09.000 Just moving around. 1.00

01:37:11.000 Give me that security footage.

01:37:12.000 So you feel like you're in a war.

01:37:13.000 Like you're so immersed in it.

01:37:16.000 This video game is now a whole next level experience.

01:37:19.000 Yeah.

01:37:20.000 Because just in front of the computer is pretty involving.

01:37:22.000 Yeah.

01:37:23.000 You get the headphones on, especially with these computer games now have 3D sound, so you hear sound coming from there.

01:37:28.000 You know, there's guys over there!

01:37:29.000 You know, you run towards them.

01:37:31.000 You smack your wife, yeah. 0.87

01:37:32.000 I mean, yeah, that's... 1.00

01:37:33.000 Well, that's another thing about these goddamn games. 1.00

01:37:35.000 You could beat the shit out of people. 1.00

01:37:37.000 Like, there's a lot of, like, what is it? 0.99

01:37:38.000 Red Dead?

01:37:39.000 Red Dead Redemption, right? 0.99

01:37:40.000 Yeah, where you, like, take someone and fucking tie a noose to their neck and drag them behind your horse. 0.99

01:37:45.000 What? 1.00

01:37:46.000 Do wild shit. 1.00

01:37:47.000 You could drown a prostitute in the river. 1.00

01:37:49.000 You could do wild shit. 1.00

01:37:50.000 And people are like, hey, maybe you shouldn't be able to do this in a fucking game. 1.00

01:37:54.000 This is a little crazy. 0.99

01:37:55.000 Your seven-year-old shouldn't be able to see that that's possible yet. 1.00

01:37:57.000 Shouldn't be able to beat a prostitute with a shovel. 1.00

01:38:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:38:01.000 Like, what are you doing?

01:38:01.000 Maybe a super soaker.

01:38:02.000 Just hit her in the face or something. 0.98

01:38:03.000 Yeah, something lighter. 0.98

01:38:04.000 Well, it's just the whole game is chaos.

01:38:06.000 I know.

01:38:07.000 But you could do chaos to anybody.

01:38:09.000 Just like Grand Theft Auto.

01:38:10.000 You could do chaos to anybody.

01:38:12.000 First time playing that, though, and driving down Sunset and seeing the comedy store was pretty cool.

01:38:17.000 I think Grand Theft Auto, I think I've read this, they were comparing the amount of money that Grand Theft Auto has generated versus almost any other movie, game, in comparison to how it does to big Hollywood blockbusters.

01:38:34.000 How much money has Grand Theft Auto generated?

01:38:40.000 I mean, that has got to be one of the most popular games of all time.

01:38:42.000 A thousand percent.

01:38:43.000 That may be...

01:38:44.000 It's about stealing cars.

01:38:46.000 Over $8.5 billion.

01:38:49.000 Yo.

01:38:50.000 Good call, dude.

01:38:52.000 We'll be right back. 1.00

01:38:53.000 That's a fucking... 1.00

01:38:53.000 Holy shit, dude. 1.00

01:38:55.000 That's so much money. 1.00

01:38:56.000 That's so much money.

01:38:57.000 Joe, that's wild.

01:38:58.000 Thanks for pulling that stat up.

01:38:59.000 Now, do you think you deserve that amount of money? 0.93

01:39:03.000 What have you done other than show teenagers it's possible to beat, steal, and rob from a hooker? 0.98

01:39:11.000 Hold that thought. 0.97

01:39:11.000 We'll be right back. 0.97

01:39:12.000 Do you remember the guy who used to run bum fights?

01:39:15.000 Yes.

01:39:15.000 And he came on Dr. Phil as Dr. Phil.

01:39:18.000 Yes.

01:39:18.000 He shaved his head, the top of his head.

01:39:20.000 Joe, that's what we could do.

01:39:21.000 You want to come on the Dr. Phil live show and be that guy.

01:39:23.000 All we got to do is throw a stash on you. 1.00

01:39:25.000 That guy, he fucking... 1.00

01:39:27.000 Phil goes, what are you doing? 0.99

01:39:29.000 And he goes, what?

01:39:29.000 What?

01:39:30.000 He goes, what are you doing?

01:39:31.000 What are you doing?

01:39:33.000 And he's like, I'm doing what you're doing.

01:39:35.000 I'm exploiting people.

01:39:36.000 He's like, I don't like it.

01:39:37.000 Get out of here.

01:39:38.000 Get out of here.

01:39:40.000 There's Robin...

01:39:42.000 Dude just kicked him off his set.

01:39:43.000 But it was weird, right?

01:39:44.000 You knew that's what he did.

01:39:46.000 Of course.

01:39:47.000 And you invited him on the show.

01:39:48.000 Yeah.

01:39:49.000 He probably just didn't like that path of the argument.

01:39:54.000 That path is a legitimate path.

01:39:56.000 Do you think he knew?

01:39:57.000 Maybe he didn't know he was going to get into full makeup.

01:39:59.000 Because I'm sure Phil's not visiting the guest, right?

01:40:01.000 Listen.

01:40:02.000 This is not a surprise.

01:40:06.000 If you think...

01:40:08.000 If you think I exploit people, every time you bring a guest on this show, you exploit them and spread whatever problems they have to the whole world.

01:40:16.000 You think that's helping them?

01:40:17.000 Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

01:40:19.000 You can go.

01:40:24.000 You know what?

01:40:27.000 Who do you think you are, huh?

01:40:29.000 Bye.

01:40:29.000 Come on.

01:40:30.000 Huh?

01:40:30.000 No, I'm not finished talking to you.

01:40:32.000 Yeah, you are.

01:40:32.000 No, I'm not.

01:40:33.000 Yeah, you are.

01:40:34.000 Yeah, you're done.

01:40:36.000 Don't even grab a complimentary Dr. Phil hat.

01:40:39.000 Just go.

01:40:40.000 I hate me right now.

01:40:42.000 I mean, this guy, yeah.

01:40:43.000 The thing about that guy, though, is that guy, that bum fights thing was crazy. 1.00

01:40:47.000 It was wild.

01:40:48.000 That guy paid people to pull their teeth out. 1.00

01:40:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:50.000 There was some awful, awful shit. 1.00

01:40:53.000 Yeah, you want to talk about using YouTube for the wrong reason. 0.99

01:40:55.000 Well, it wasn't YouTube.

01:40:56.000 It wasn't?

01:40:57.000 No, these were cassettes.

01:40:59.000 It was like VHSs.

01:41:00.000 Maybe my first taste of Bum Fights were.

01:41:02.000 What was Bum Fights originally released on?

01:41:04.000 I don't believe it was YouTube.

01:41:06.000 I think it was pre-YouTube.

01:41:07.000 Yeah, no, it was sold for $22 a piece.

01:41:10.000 So Bum Fights, so people were either... 0.99

01:41:11.000 DVDs, I guess.

01:41:12.000 Was Bum Fights for people that couldn't get Girls Gone Wild?

01:41:16.000 Like, because those were both probably popping off. 0.97

01:41:18.000 Basically what Bum Fights was, was a lot of shit that you see already on the internet. 0.59

01:41:23.000 How many bum fights have you actually seen on the internet? 0.96

01:41:27.000 I've seen so many guys that are like on heroin fistfight in the streets of Los Angeles.

01:41:33.000 There's a shitload of videos of bums duking it out. 0.97

01:41:36.000 Their pants fall down, guy gets kicked in the head, knocked unconscious. 0.95

01:41:39.000 There's a lot of that.

01:41:41.000 That you can find.

01:41:41.000 Yeah.

01:41:42.000 I get sent it all the time by Tom Segura.

01:41:44.000 Really?

01:41:44.000 Yeah, he sends me...

01:41:45.000 Just cell phone footage?

01:41:46.000 No, the Instagram reels.

01:41:48.000 Oh, gotcha.

01:41:48.000 Oh, yeah.

01:41:48.000 Like, terrible things that you can see people just doing to each other all over there.

01:41:53.000 So the thing is, like, this guy made a living off of it, though.

01:41:56.000 And he was, like, selling these DVDs.

01:41:58.000 And I think...

01:41:59.000 We didn't want to admit that people want to see that, just like we don't want to admit people want to drown hookers in Red Dead Redemption, but they do. 1.00

01:42:05.000 They do, man.

01:42:06.000 They do want to see that.

01:42:07.000 If you let people slap each other in the face on television, people will tune in.

01:42:12.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:42:12.000 If you let people dress up like fucking medieval knights and sword fight, people will watch. 1.00

01:42:18.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:42:19.000 That is 100% a fact.

01:42:20.000 Yeah.

01:42:21.000 Back then, we didn't want to believe that.

01:42:24.000 And there was no internet.

01:42:25.000 So we didn't really understand our nature until the internet came along.

01:42:29.000 Dude, think about two girls, one cup. 0.99

01:42:30.000 Think about porn.

01:42:32.000 Think about the amount of porn that gets digested by the average American male versus that of 1950. There's a huge difference.

01:42:45.000 Guys were jerking off to underwear ads. 1.00

01:42:48.000 Guys were starving for things to jerk off to. 1.00

01:42:51.000 Yeah, they were jerking off to memory. 0.99

01:42:54.000 They had no idea.

01:42:55.000 We had a lot of solid imaginations probably in the 50s, 60s, and 70s.

01:42:59.000 That's all you needed back then.

01:42:59.000 That's a good idea in your head.

01:43:03.000 That's all you had.

01:43:04.000 That's all you had.

01:43:05.000 And then now everyone has a phone, and anyone's phone can connect to a plethora of porn sites.

01:43:13.000 I had a guy on my flight about three months ago, no joke, porn on the phone, no headphones. 0.98

01:43:19.000 Jesus heard like heard oh fuck my butt and then was just kind of like Like and then saw saw this, you know people kind of like turning people no one one to citizens arrest this guy So everyone was kind of like he probably was doing it to make people uncomfortable for sure. 0.98

01:43:33.000 Yeah Because what is the law? 0.99

01:43:35.000 And it was wild.

01:43:36.000 I mean, I was two rows behind him.

01:43:37.000 Are you allowed to do that?

01:43:38.000 Like, what's the law?

01:43:39.000 I think it's probably illegal, but...

01:43:41.000 Right, that's what I'm saying.

01:43:42.000 Yeah.

01:43:42.000 Like, you shouldn't be looking at his...

01:43:44.000 But if you can hear it.

01:43:46.000 Yeah.

01:43:46.000 Like, what is the law, right?

01:43:47.000 Yeah.

01:43:47.000 Because, like, what if you're playing a podcast that's offensive?

01:43:50.000 What if you're playing a podcast on your phone that makes me upset, but you're playing it?

01:43:55.000 I have to listen to it.

01:43:56.000 I'm getting upset.

01:43:57.000 Right.

01:43:57.000 What is the law on that?

01:43:58.000 Right.

01:43:58.000 I feel like you're allowed to do that, right?

01:44:00.000 So... 1.00

01:44:01.000 If you're allowed to say, like, fuck that guy and fuck this, but you can't say fuck my butt, it gets a little weird. 1.00

01:44:07.000 It gets a little weird. 1.00

01:44:08.000 It's his phone.

01:44:09.000 Why are you even looking at what's on his phone? 1.00

01:44:12.000 You shouldn't be a fucking... 1.00

01:44:13.000 You're two rows back. 1.00

01:44:13.000 Put your headphones on. 1.00

01:44:14.000 How about stop paying attention to his phone?

01:44:16.000 But also...

01:44:18.000 Why does he have porn on his phone and it's loud? 0.80

01:44:21.000 Is it almost like urinating in a public decency thing?

01:44:27.000 It's just like that according to the law that I'm looking up.

01:44:30.000 You can't pee in public or watch someone talk about peeing.

01:44:33.000 Right, but can you listen?

01:44:34.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:44:35.000 What is the law in listening to it?

01:44:37.000 Are you a peeping Tom if you're listening?

01:44:39.000 Defendant convicted of watching porn in a parking lot fails in constitutional challenge to public obscenity law. 1.00

01:44:44.000 Watching pornography in public serves no legitimate purposes unless you want to fucking jizz like a racehorse. 0.99

01:44:51.000 You're trying to get first class to turn things up a notch. 0.99

01:44:53.000 Doing so with one's window down and at a restaurant's busy parking lot in full view of families recklessly exposed pornography to young children.

01:45:00.000 Oh, well this is a little different.

01:45:01.000 This is like a business and he got in there with his window rolled down and he's beaten off.

01:45:06.000 He might be a little bit of a freak.

01:45:08.000 But it depends on, like, was he in the corner of the parking lot away from everybody?

01:45:12.000 Yeah.

01:45:13.000 Was he by himself?

01:45:14.000 He's like, I just gotta rub this out.

01:45:16.000 I gotta make a decision.

01:45:17.000 Right now I'm real confused.

01:45:19.000 You know, it could have been like a mental health thing.

01:45:22.000 Totally.

01:45:22.000 You know?

01:45:23.000 Like, look, I'm losing my mind here.

01:45:24.000 This thing says that public libraries can't block porn, and it's not illegal to watch it.

01:45:29.000 Wow!

01:45:30.000 No way!

01:45:31.000 That's just what this says.

01:45:32.000 That's crazy.

01:45:33.000 Look at libraries staying cool and hip. 0.96

01:45:35.000 If that's true, how many people are jerking off in San Francisco in a library right now? 0.91

01:45:39.000 Oh, I don't know. 0.88

01:45:40.000 A thousand percent of the people attending the library?

01:45:43.000 Hundreds.

01:45:43.000 Hundreds, yeah.

01:45:44.000 I would certainly recommend against doing this, one lawyer says.

01:45:48.000 But he said Missouri.

01:45:49.000 Scroll back up.

01:45:51.000 It said under Missouri statutes.

01:45:54.000 Depending on the exact circumstances, the prosecutor could file at least two different charges.

01:45:58.000 But this is Missouri.

01:45:59.000 Every state's different with that, too.

01:46:01.000 Right, but wasn't the article about San Francisco?

01:46:04.000 Or any public library?

01:46:06.000 Yeah, this is just public library.

01:46:06.000 Oh, it's any public library.

01:46:08.000 Oh, my God.

01:46:10.000 Anywhere?

01:46:11.000 I almost got arrested for taking photos, mooning a camera when we were like 21 or something.

01:46:15.000 Yo, that's how crazy San Francisco is.

01:46:18.000 He didn't even say San Francisco.

01:46:19.000 I assumed.

01:46:21.000 Wow.

01:46:21.000 I just assumed, right?

01:46:23.000 We didn't even bring...

01:46:24.000 In my head, I'm like, it has to be San Francisco.

01:46:27.000 That's so crazy.

01:46:28.000 That's how crazy San Francisco's gotten, where a story comes up, and it's almost like the Bernstein Bears.

01:46:34.000 What's that called?

01:46:35.000 Yeah.

01:46:35.000 The Bernstein...

01:46:36.000 The Mandela Effect.

01:46:37.000 The Mandela Effect, yeah.

01:46:38.000 The Bernstein Bear Effect?

01:46:40.000 Yeah, well, it's the Mandela effect because people thought that Mandela died in jail, but he didn't.

01:46:44.000 And so there's this thing where people have a whole narrative in their head.

01:46:47.000 It's like a glitch in the Matrix type thing.

01:46:48.000 I think that might apply to this because instantly I was like, oh, it happened in San Francisco.

01:46:53.000 I would have told the story.

01:46:54.000 In my head, I would have gone on, did you hear what happened in San Francisco?

01:46:57.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:46:58.000 You can watch pornography in the fucking library. 1.00

01:47:00.000 Meanwhile, it's every library. 1.00

01:47:02.000 Every library.

01:47:04.000 Is that one person making that?

01:47:06.000 The guy in the parking lot was in New Jersey.

01:47:08.000 Of course he is. 0.98

01:47:11.000 If you had to guess, what state's going to produce the most parking lot jerkers? 0.97

01:47:17.000 New Jersey is on the top of the list. 0.97

01:47:18.000 Did you hear that story about the guy?

01:47:19.000 It was maybe a few years ago.

01:47:20.000 It might have actually been during COVID when everyone was doing big work zooms.

01:47:23.000 They were doing what?

01:47:25.000 Work zooms.

01:47:26.000 Work zooms.

01:47:27.000 And he stayed on.

01:47:29.000 He didn't turn his computer or sound off.

01:47:30.000 It was one of those things where you log on for the Zoom.

01:47:32.000 You know, the boss is like, all right, guys, everyone's here, blah, blah, blah.

01:47:35.000 And then you can just turn your screen off, but he didn't turn his off.

01:47:37.000 Dude, one guy? 0.90

01:47:39.000 There's fucking hundreds of guys got caught. 0.98

01:47:40.000 I have a bit about it. 0.98

01:47:42.000 Hundreds of guys got caught doing that.

01:47:44.000 That was that Jeffrey Toobin guy, the CNN guy.

01:47:47.000 Yeah, that's, I guess, a famous one.

01:47:48.000 But it was like a lot of guys.

01:47:50.000 That's a wrap, right?

01:47:51.000 You're fired.

01:47:52.000 He's back.

01:47:53.000 The tubing guy's back.

01:47:54.000 But let's say it was like a Jamba Juice conference and you're on Zoom and you get like...

01:47:58.000 Yeah, likely it's a wrap.

01:47:58.000 It's a wrap.

01:47:59.000 But if you're a rapper, no big deal at all.

01:48:01.000 Whoops, I didn't know the camera was on, sorry.

01:48:04.000 Sorry, yeah.

01:48:04.000 Sorry, y'all.

01:48:05.000 Also, you're welcome for getting to see some beautiful...

01:48:07.000 I don't think no one tells you you're welcome if you're getting caught doing that.

01:48:12.000 But it's one of those things where it's just like...

01:48:14.000 Here's an article from the UK where it says it's debatable whether porn use is even illegal.

01:48:19.000 It should be.

01:48:20.000 The best hope for prosecution currently looks to be an offense against public decency, but what an archaic notion that sounds now.

01:48:30.000 Isn't that weird?

01:48:30.000 When was this written?

01:48:32.000 If the government wants to retrieve any credibility from this debacle, it could order a legal review.

01:48:37.000 Can old laws be repurposed or is new legislation required?

01:48:40.000 That's interesting because like when all these laws are put in place, they probably never anticipated porn on the internet.

01:48:46.000 No.

01:48:47.000 Especially the way it is now.

01:48:48.000 Great point.

01:48:49.000 You know, we talk about businesses that never got bailed out.

01:48:53.000 Oh, yeah.

01:48:54.000 Imagine if I told you there was a business, and this business is going to eat up about 30 plus percent of all the internet traffic.

01:49:05.000 And this business is used by some ungodly percentage of men, way more than it takes to elect a president, right?

01:49:12.000 What does it take to elect a president?

01:49:14.000 51 percent.

01:49:15.000 Way more than 51 percent guys have used pornography.

01:49:18.000 But yet, when that business stopped making money because DVD sales went away, nobody talked about a bailout of the porn. 1.00

01:49:24.000 Just shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:49:25.000 Bail out banks or bail out this business and that business and, you know, too big to fail, but not the porn business. 1.00

01:49:33.000 Everybody's like, I don't even know what you're talking about.

01:49:35.000 Is it still real?

01:49:36.000 I don't even know they were making porn anymore.

01:49:38.000 I mean, I don't even watch it.

01:49:39.000 Did you see the Ashley Madison duck?

01:49:42.000 What is that?

01:49:42.000 Ashley Madison was...

01:49:44.000 Oh, is that the dating site?

01:49:45.000 Yeah, the site where people could have affairs.

01:49:47.000 Oh, that's right.

01:49:49.000 Joe, it is a wild...

01:49:50.000 It's...

01:49:51.000 Oh, they got doxxed, right?

01:49:53.000 Didn't something happen?

01:49:54.000 Yeah, they got hacked.

01:49:55.000 Yeah.

01:49:55.000 And so basically, people signed up to have a...

01:49:59.000 Wild folk.

01:50:01.000 Just a whole website full of wild folk.

01:50:03.000 Oh, man.

01:50:03.000 Just a bunch of risk takers.

01:50:05.000 Just a bunch of people.

01:50:06.000 Just a lot of people doubling down.

01:50:08.000 Yeah, running away from their husband.

01:50:09.000 Hit me on 20s.

01:50:10.000 Two o'clock in the afternoon.

01:50:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:50:12.000 Fucking wild folk. 1.00

01:50:12.000 Meet me at the subway. 1.00

01:50:13.000 Yeah, next to the KFC. Let's get wild. 0.94

01:50:15.000 Wear that Mike Pence mask.

01:50:18.000 Maybe that guy was in the parking lot getting ready for one of them.

01:50:21.000 It was wild, dude.

01:50:22.000 Warming up.

01:50:23.000 Yeah.

01:50:24.000 And then they interviewed a couple couples that were all about...

01:50:26.000 that were doing it together.

01:50:28.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:50:30.000 Swingers?

01:50:30.000 Yeah.

01:50:31.000 Swingers are weird.

01:50:32.000 They have a missing fuse.

01:50:33.000 It's like there's something in them that's different.

01:50:35.000 I met a few swingers through Brad Williams.

01:50:38.000 Of course.

01:50:39.000 Because swingers and little people know each other. 1.00

01:50:41.000 Oh, really?

01:50:42.000 There's a direct...

01:50:42.000 Yeah, there's a...

01:50:43.000 Interesting.

01:50:44.000 Yeah, they have the same...

01:50:45.000 Agents?

01:50:46.000 Yeah.

01:50:48.000 I met my first through Brad. 0.60

01:50:50.000 Porn stars, swingers, and other little people through Brad.

01:50:54.000 And comedians. 0.98

01:50:55.000 But these swingers were wild, dude.

01:50:58.000 I'm coming from a small town in North Seattle.

01:51:02.000 I didn't even know...

01:51:04.000 It's not somebody that's just in my zeitgeist I'd never met, and so just talking to them so normally was just wild.

01:51:10.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:51:11.000 I did these gigs in...

01:51:12.000 God, I can't remember what state it was.

01:51:14.000 Somewhere in the south.

01:51:15.000 It might have been Nashville.

01:51:16.000 So I did this gig with Ari, and we had this guy drive us He picks us up at the airport, takes us to the hotel, and then he's driving us to the gig, and everything's normal.

01:51:31.000 And then eventually, at the end of the weekend, he's driving us to the airport.

01:51:35.000 And when the guy's driving us to the airport, he opens up about his swinger life out of nowhere. 1.00

01:51:40.000 He's like, you guys ever swing?

01:51:41.000 We have a swinging club in town.

01:51:45.000 And we're like, swing?

01:51:46.000 Like, what do you mean?

01:51:47.000 He's like, you know, like we wife swap and the like.

01:51:50.000 He goes, I've been doing it for a while.

01:51:52.000 I go, you like swinging?

01:51:53.000 He goes, well, yeah, I love it.

01:51:55.000 Yeah, we swing. 1.00

01:51:56.000 You know, my wife fucks with her. 1.00

01:51:58.000 I get to decide, though. 1.00

01:51:59.000 You know, like if he's too good looking or he's too buff, I get to decide.

01:52:04.000 I don't like that guy. 1.00

01:52:06.000 She can't fuck that guy. 1.00

01:52:08.000 And they make, like, decisions like that. 1.00

01:52:10.000 Oh, my God.

01:52:11.000 And this guy just opened up to us out of nowhere, by the way.

01:52:14.000 What preceded that conversation?

01:52:15.000 Nothing.

01:52:16.000 Nothing. 1.00

01:52:16.000 Like fucking zero. 1.00

01:52:17.000 It's hot today, huh? 0.99

01:52:18.000 Speaking of hot.

01:52:18.000 I like swinging.

01:52:19.000 You guys like swinging?

01:52:20.000 Like what? 1.00

01:52:20.000 Out of nowhere, this dude's just chatting it up about the guys he lets his wife fuck. 1.00

01:52:26.000 It was crazy. 1.00

01:52:27.000 That's wild.

01:52:27.000 But he was one of them dudes that like had a ponytail, but it was also bald.

01:52:31.000 Like the whole thing was a mess.

01:52:32.000 Of course.

01:52:33.000 It was chaos.

01:52:33.000 He was a human, just example.

01:52:36.000 If you bring up swinging unprovoked, you have a ponytail.

01:52:39.000 He was a bizarre character.

01:52:41.000 But it was just...

01:52:42.000 I've only met a few groups of people that are really into that.

01:52:46.000 And one of them was in...

01:52:47.000 I was doing the improv in Tampa.

01:52:51.000 I did that once.

01:52:52.000 Fun gig.

01:52:53.000 Yeah.

01:52:53.000 Fun gig.

01:52:54.000 Big room.

01:52:55.000 And then this foursome of people were like, we're swingers.

01:52:58.000 We have a swinger convention. 0.98

01:53:00.000 I'm like, get the fuck out of here with this thing. 0.99

01:53:02.000 They look like people that would be swingers. 0.99

01:53:05.000 Just a mess.

01:53:07.000 Just a mess.

01:53:08.000 Tampa is the swinger capital of the US. That's it. 1.00

01:53:13.000 No joke, I had a guy come up to me and propositioned me in Kansas City to...

01:53:18.000 This is when I was featuring for Harland at the Kansas City Improv.

01:53:21.000 And he goes, man, it's funny. 1.00

01:53:23.000 He's like, you want to fuck my wife? 1.00

01:53:26.000 And I was like, whoa. 1.00

01:53:27.000 Had it ever been proposed like that.

01:53:29.000 Then she comes over, what are you guys talking about?

01:53:31.000 I go, oh, he's trying to say he wants us to do something.

01:53:34.000 And he, whatever. 1.00

01:53:35.000 She goes, what the fuck? 1.00

01:53:36.000 Had no clue that that was even... 1.00

01:53:38.000 I was like, oh, he said...

01:53:40.000 And then it was just super weird.

01:53:41.000 She's like... 1.00

01:53:42.000 Daryl, what the fuck? 1.00

01:53:43.000 Why would you, like, I'm crazy, but what the fuck? 1.00

01:53:45.000 I would never do that. 1.00

01:53:46.000 And I'm like, oh, this guy must just be going around doing that.

01:53:49.000 Oh, that's his thrill.

01:53:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:53:50.000 He wants someone to fuck his wife. 1.00

01:53:51.000 Or maybe he wanted me to say yeah, and then, like, beat you up. 1.00

01:53:54.000 Yeah.

01:53:55.000 Could be.

01:53:55.000 Could be a trap.

01:53:56.000 It was fucking wild. 0.99

01:53:57.000 Could be sent in a trap. 1.00

01:53:59.000 Yeah.

01:54:00.000 Who knows?

01:54:01.000 Who knows?

01:54:01.000 But it's just...

01:54:02.000 That's a weird culture.

01:54:04.000 But, you know, whatever.

01:54:06.000 Not hurting anybody.

01:54:07.000 Dude, exactly. 1.00

01:54:07.000 Go fuck each other. 1.00

01:54:08.000 They have clubs where they go and there's like a house filled with people fucking each other. 1.00

01:54:14.000 One of my friends, maybe it was Callan, Told me he got- Went to a little bang-bang party? 0.71

01:54:20.000 It was like in the 90s or something like that.

01:54:22.000 Of course it was. 0.96

01:54:23.000 Told me that he went to one of those and walked in and people were fucking all over the place. 0.92

01:54:27.000 Those are things where you like drop your keys in the bowl or you put your phone like- No, that's like a party that they would like throw their keys in the bowl and then the guy would reach in and pull out one of the women's keys. 1.00

01:54:36.000 The woman would reach in and pull out one of the guys keys and you figured out who you're going home with. 1.00

01:54:40.000 Wow.

01:54:41.000 Yeah.

01:54:42.000 And they just swap.

01:54:43.000 Swap wives. 1.00

01:54:44.000 Dude.

01:54:45.000 I mean, then that became a show.

01:54:46.000 Yeah.

01:54:47.000 Was that a wife swapping with the show? 0.97

01:54:48.000 Yeah.

01:54:48.000 Of course it was.

01:54:49.000 I wonder if it's real, though. 0.98

01:54:50.000 You know, those shows, they fuck around a lot with those shows. 0.98

01:54:53.000 They manipulate reality. 0.98

01:54:54.000 I remembered and found this recently.

01:54:56.000 It's a commercial from Ohio, where I'm from.

01:54:59.000 Sun Bubble Hot Tubs.

01:55:00.000 A hot tub place.

01:55:01.000 Oh, rent a private room.

01:55:03.000 Jamie, I love you for pulling this up.

01:55:04.000 We had one in Seattle called Tubbs.

01:55:06.000 Bring your kids? 0.99

01:55:07.000 Well, yeah. 1.00

01:55:08.000 Kids are swimming in fucking baked jizz. 1.00

01:55:11.000 That's egg drop soup in there. 1.00

01:55:13.000 20 bucks an hour or something wild.

01:55:15.000 Oh, that's crazy.

01:55:16.000 But that's like couples.

01:55:17.000 That's a very different thing.

01:55:19.000 Bro, we had a place like this.

01:55:20.000 We had Tubbs near a comedy club near Giggles.

01:55:22.000 Do you ever play Giggles in Seattle?

01:55:24.000 No, I never did Giggles in Seattle.

01:55:26.000 I did Giggles in Saugus, Massachusetts.

01:55:28.000 Okay, cool.

01:55:29.000 It was the one comedy club, I guess, in the 90s that was thriving near the University of Washington.

01:55:35.000 And they had a place called Tubbs there.

01:55:36.000 But we also have a place called Tubbs Subs, a sandwich place.

01:55:39.000 So that's all I know about.

01:55:40.000 I'm a little fat kid thinking about sandwiches.

01:55:42.000 And my friend's dad would leave soccer practice.

01:55:44.000 I'd scored on my own team. 1.00

01:55:45.000 He called me a fucking idiot. 1.00

01:55:47.000 That was a wrap for me in soccer. 1.00

01:55:49.000 And so we're driving by, and he's like, and I see Tubbs.

01:55:51.000 I'm like, oh, Tubbs!

01:55:52.000 I'm like, we should stop and get some food, you know?

01:55:54.000 We just lost.

01:55:55.000 I scored on my own team.

01:55:56.000 Some sandwiches sounds good.

01:55:57.000 And he's like, oh, that's not...

01:55:58.000 They don't do sandwiches there.

01:56:00.000 It was just the same name.

01:56:01.000 And I was like, oh, what happens there?

01:56:02.000 He's like, people rent hot tubs, and they go in there and just kind of hang out.

01:56:06.000 I was like, I had no clue.

01:56:07.000 What do you mean hang out?

01:56:08.000 He's like, well, they go in there, you meet somebody, you bring them in, you have some fun.

01:56:11.000 No clue. 1.00

01:56:12.000 And then like, you know, 10 years later, I'm like, oh, people just go in there just to fuck. 1.00

01:56:15.000 Like you said, just... 1.00

01:56:15.000 In a hot tub. 1.00

01:56:16.000 Yeah.

01:56:18.000 It's probably better than a hotel room.

01:56:20.000 For sure!

01:56:21.000 And it's a hot tub.

01:56:21.000 Who doesn't love a hot tub?

01:56:22.000 Yeah, people just want to go and bang it out.

01:56:25.000 Or maybe on a date and you get a wild hair, you want to go to a hot tub room?

01:56:28.000 How do you feel about hotel hot tubs?

01:56:32.000 When you're on the road...

01:56:32.000 Yeah, thank you.

01:56:33.000 What are the odds?

01:56:34.000 That's clean.

01:56:35.000 That's dangerous.

01:56:36.000 I know, dude.

01:56:37.000 That's literally...

01:56:38.000 You know a guy got Legionnaire's disease from a hot tub in LA? What is that disease?

01:56:43.000 Oh, it's like a disease that's like archaic.

01:56:46.000 It's like one of those old world diseases that's not supposed to be around anymore. 0.99

01:56:50.000 And this guy got it from a fucking hot tub. 0.99

01:56:53.000 See if you can find that article. 1.00

01:56:55.000 I'm pretty sure it was California that it happened.

01:56:57.000 Yeah, they never cleaned those things.

01:56:58.000 My memory's a little foggy on where it was.

01:57:00.000 But maybe I'm thinking everything crazy is in California today.

01:57:03.000 You know?

01:57:03.000 I assume that other story was from San Francisco.

01:57:06.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:57:06.000 But this guy, he got in a stanky-ass hot tub, and he got Legionnaire's disease and fucking died. 0.99

01:57:12.000 You can die from it? 1.00

01:57:13.000 Bro, he died.

01:57:14.000 Yeah, he died.

01:57:16.000 Do you have it?

01:57:17.000 Because if not, I saved the article. 0.96

01:57:20.000 I definitely saved it on my phone because I was like, this is the craziest fucking story of all time. 0.96

01:57:24.000 Just going to relax. 0.98

01:57:25.000 So, this is in 2023. California spas believed to be the source of an outbreak of Legionnaire's disease.

01:57:31.000 Oh, God.

01:57:31.000 That caused the illness of multiple people and the deaths of two.

01:57:35.000 Contra Costa Health announced Monday it has been investigating Zen Day Spa in Contra Costa, California since August.

01:57:43.000 How about you step in?

01:57:47.000 How about don't investigate? 0.99

01:57:49.000 Just fucking test the water. 1.00

01:57:50.000 That's so crazy. 0.99

01:57:52.000 Wow, one dead, 11 sick in a Legionnaire's Disease outbreak in Napa.

01:57:54.000 Oh my god!

01:57:56.000 It's a hot tub disease. 0.96

01:57:58.000 Yeah, that's gotta be a rapper.

01:58:00.000 A man who died of Legionnaire's disease from Bay Area Spa was celebrating his birthday.

01:58:04.000 Oh, God, dude!

01:58:05.000 A hot tub birthday gone wrong.

01:58:07.000 Sigh.

01:58:09.000 It's your birthday.

01:58:09.000 I want to take you to the hot...

01:58:11.000 He had a Groupon.

01:58:11.000 Oh my god.

01:58:12.000 So did all the other people that jizzed in that pond.

01:58:15.000 That's what's so disgusting. 1.00

01:58:17.000 It's probably just a combination of jizz meets shit. 1.00

01:58:19.000 It just becomes this monster virus that kills people that are trying to celebrate their birthday. 1.00

01:58:25.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:58:26.000 Yeah, bring your kids. 1.00

01:58:27.000 Bring your kids to the spa.

01:58:29.000 Catch Legionnaire's disease.

01:58:31.000 What is that?

01:58:33.000 I wouldn't have a health permit.

01:58:34.000 Oh, why should they?

01:58:35.000 It's only a spa where you're naked in a tub of water.

01:58:38.000 Why would they have a health permit?

01:58:39.000 Why would they even check?

01:58:40.000 Yeah, a hot tub is a wild invention.

01:58:42.000 I mean, even a public hot tub is just such a wild idea.

01:58:44.000 Like, what are you doing?

01:58:46.000 Water that gets hot like that is so perfect for bacteria.

01:58:50.000 It's so wonderful.

01:58:51.000 If you don't have the right amount of poison in there, which is what it is, when you're pouring chlorine in there, you're just killing everything that's alive.

01:58:58.000 Severe pneumonia.

01:58:59.000 Oh, wow.

01:59:00.000 It's a severe form of pneumonia, lung inflammation, usually caused by infection.

01:59:04.000 It's caused by a bacterium known as Legionnaire.

01:59:07.000 Why did they name it Legionnaire's disease?

01:59:09.000 Let's Google that. 0.99

01:59:10.000 Because it sounds like some shit that happened in the old world. 0.99

01:59:13.000 It does. 0.99

01:59:14.000 There's a bunch of diseases that are starting to emerge in the homeless community in Los Angeles that are ancient diseases. 0.98

01:59:23.000 No shit from what? 0.98

01:59:24.000 I think they got typhus. 1.00

01:59:25.000 Just from being disgusting.

01:59:27.000 The American Legion State Convention in Philadelphia. 0.95

01:59:31.000 What?

01:59:32.000 Okay, it's commonly known as Legionellosis, which is a generic term for respiratory infection caused by the Legionella bacteria.

01:59:43.000 This disease is named after a deadly outbreak of pneumonia in 1976 that occurred during people attending the American Legion's state convention in Philadelphia.

01:59:52.000 Legionella sounds like Coachella for people that have swallowed a lot of hot tub cum. 0.99

01:59:57.000 So that's why they named it Legionnaire's disease?

02:00:00.000 Because it happened during that, that was the outbreak?

02:00:04.000 Oh man.

02:00:05.000 Wow.

02:00:06.000 Wow.

02:00:07.000 Yeah, no thanks.

02:00:08.000 What is the American Legion?

02:00:10.000 What's that?

02:00:11.000 What's the convention of the American Legion?

02:00:13.000 Do you know what that is?

02:00:14.000 Led to the name of the Legionnaires disease.

02:00:16.000 No clue.

02:00:16.000 Right.

02:00:17.000 But what is the American Legion?

02:00:18.000 The Veterans Association.

02:00:21.000 Wartime veterans.

02:00:22.000 Oh my god.

02:00:23.000 Aimed advocating patriotism. 0.99

02:00:24.000 So they're wartime veterans and they die from a fucking disease and then they name it after the Legion. 1.00

02:00:31.000 Wow. 1.00

02:00:32.000 Which is like really bad for business.

02:00:34.000 Yeah.

02:00:34.000 They're really bad for business.

02:00:35.000 They shouldn't have done that to them.

02:00:36.000 Don't call it Legionnaire's Disease. 1.00

02:00:38.000 Don't name it after us, you fucking assholes. 1.00

02:00:40.000 Call it some fucking weird Latin name and come up with some spooky monkey pox type definition. 1.00

02:00:46.000 Don't call it... 0.99

02:00:47.000 Don't name it after us.

02:00:49.000 Imagine somebody caught pneumonia and they called it mothershipitis.

02:00:52.000 And they got people dying from mothershipitis. 1.00

02:00:55.000 Like, hey, you fuckheads. 1.00

02:00:55.000 Yeah, you'd be pissed. 1.00

02:00:56.000 Don't do that.

02:00:57.000 It just happened to be there.

02:00:59.000 It's not the Legionnaires.

02:01:00.000 It's not the Legion Center that was the problem.

02:01:03.000 No.

02:01:03.000 They didn't do anything wrong.

02:01:04.000 No.

02:01:05.000 But they probably had some dudes that were coming back from Thailand, you know what I'm saying?

02:01:08.000 1000%.

02:01:08.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:01:09.000 Where does herpes get his name?

02:01:10.000 Old dudes that come back from Thailand. 1.00

02:01:11.000 Oh yeah, with everything.

02:01:13.000 They go over there for like four months of the year, come back looking like, who knows?

02:01:17.000 Who knows?

02:01:18.000 Who knows?

02:01:19.000 You're looking around real quick.

02:01:22.000 There was a meme that I saw today of this older man.

02:01:28.000 He's in his 60s.

02:01:30.000 And he's holding hands with two hot Asian girls.

02:01:34.000 And he was saying something about, like, when I cash my VA check and I disappear, don't worry about me.

02:01:44.000 Cool.

02:01:44.000 Because I'll be in some strange country where there's rampant sex trafficking.

02:01:49.000 Oh my god, I know, right?

02:01:52.000 By the way, I thought you were going to bring up the 91-year-old who just died and who was married to a 42-year-old.

02:01:57.000 What are you talking about?

02:01:58.000 91-year-old billionaire I just saw today that died.

02:02:00.000 Well, it's true love.

02:02:01.000 That's what's important. 1.00

02:02:02.000 She's probably hot as fuck. 1.00

02:02:03.000 She's probably super, super hot as fuck. 1.00

02:02:05.000 She was way into him. 1.00

02:02:07.000 Let's see what he and she looked like.

02:02:08.000 He had a great personality.

02:02:10.000 That gives me hope for the future.

02:02:12.000 If everything goes sideways, you know, like, you should be, men should be happy because that's even possible that you can trick.

02:02:18.000 There you go.

02:02:19.000 Look at that.

02:02:20.000 Totally looks like they would love each other in real life.

02:02:22.000 Looks like Mr. Bean's dad.

02:02:23.000 Yeah.

02:02:24.000 She looks like she should be married to a farmer. 1.00

02:02:26.000 Some big old buff farmer.

02:02:28.000 How does she even meet this, well, I mean, I guess, yeah.

02:02:30.000 Probably some billionaire dating site.

02:02:31.000 Yeah.

02:02:33.000 He gained fame through high-profile dates.

02:02:35.000 Just weeks after marrying his sixth wife, she died.

02:02:37.000 Yeah, she got a pillow over that dude. 1.00

02:02:40.000 You think?

02:02:41.000 No.

02:02:42.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:02:42.000 No.

02:02:43.000 But if you're a woman and, you know, you're 40 and this guy's nice and he's worth fucking $30 billion you want to marry, you're like, let's go. 0.97

02:02:52.000 Let's go. 0.99

02:02:53.000 Let's fucking go. 0.99

02:02:53.000 I know. 0.99

02:02:54.000 I can deal with you.

02:02:56.000 Maybe she likes him.

02:02:57.000 Maybe she even likes him. 0.99

02:02:58.000 Maybe she also likes being super fucking rich. 1.00

02:03:00.000 Totally. 0.99

02:03:00.000 Why not? 0.99

02:03:01.000 She might like that a little bit more.

02:03:02.000 Yeah, like people were always about, remember Anna Nicole Smith?

02:03:05.000 Yeah.

02:03:06.000 J. Howard Marshall?

02:03:07.000 Yeah.

02:03:07.000 And people were like, they knew what it was, but guess what?

02:03:10.000 He knew what it was too.

02:03:11.000 Totally.

02:03:11.000 He was having a good time.

02:03:14.000 It was caused by a tough bike workout.

02:03:16.000 Oh, wow.

02:03:18.000 He was rushed to the hospital with crippling back pain.

02:03:23.000 It was a ruptured heart valve.

02:03:25.000 Wow.

02:03:25.000 He blew his heart out.

02:03:27.000 Probably thinking about fucking her. 1.00

02:03:29.000 1000%. 1.00

02:03:29.000 Yeah, he was like, oh yeah. 1.00

02:03:30.000 I'm gonna give it to her tonight.

02:03:32.000 49 year age difference.

02:03:34.000 So what?

02:03:34.000 Let it go.

02:03:35.000 Ooh, look at that one right there. 0.54

02:03:36.000 Is that her?

02:03:38.000 Oh, the previous one? 0.99

02:03:39.000 Damn, let me see that one. 0.99

02:03:40.000 That one's even more preposterous. 0.99

02:03:42.000 No, scroll up so I can see.

02:03:44.000 Oh, this guy's been doing it forever.

02:03:46.000 That's the most preposterous one.

02:03:47.000 That's perfect.

02:03:48.000 That's what I like to see.

02:03:49.000 It does give me hope.

02:03:50.000 I like to see that. 0.99

02:03:51.000 Yeah, because you can be disgusting. 0.52

02:03:52.000 Also, it gives me hope that it, like, I don't know how old he was, 80, 90, but like... 0.95

02:03:56.000 Bam! 0.98

02:03:57.000 That's what I'm talking about.

02:03:58.000 Wow.

02:04:00.000 Even Betty White, before she passed, was saying how she was like, I think at 99 maybe, there was some article I read, and she was just talking about, like, still banging it out.

02:04:08.000 Wow.

02:04:08.000 Yeah, dude.

02:04:09.000 Wild. 1.00

02:04:09.000 Those old ladies don't give a fuck. 1.00

02:04:11.000 Oh, no. 1.00

02:04:12.000 They're not worried about your approval anymore.

02:04:15.000 Dude, that's... 1.00

02:04:16.000 She'll tell you who she fucked. 1.00

02:04:19.000 Was that guy who owns the Raiders? 1.00

02:04:21.000 He's got like a really hot 24-year-old girlfriend.

02:04:24.000 Oh, yeah.

02:04:24.000 He's got that crazy Moe haircut.

02:04:26.000 Yeah, dude.

02:04:27.000 That guy's a character.

02:04:29.000 He truly looks like a Nickelodeon cartoon character.

02:04:32.000 Is he having a baby?

02:04:33.000 Is that what's going on?

02:04:35.000 I don't know.

02:04:37.000 And Bill Belichick's got a young girl.

02:04:39.000 I mean, Pacino's got... 1.00

02:04:40.000 Fuck, dude. 1.00

02:04:41.000 Pacino's a dad at 92 or whatever. 1.00

02:04:43.000 Sounds normal.

02:04:44.000 Sounds totally normal.

02:04:45.000 Seems like it's going to work out.

02:04:46.000 What?

02:04:49.000 It's so, yeah.

02:04:51.000 I think Pacino wanted to take a paternity test too to make sure it was his.

02:04:55.000 He's like, what?

02:04:55.000 I'm shooting live rounds?

02:04:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:04:57.000 At fucking 90 years old? 1.00

02:04:59.000 That's wild. 1.00

02:04:59.000 How is that possible? 1.00

02:05:00.000 Yeah, it can't be.

02:05:00.000 But it is.

02:05:01.000 Yep.

02:05:02.000 That's the crazy thing about men.

02:05:04.000 Men can keep having babies when they're geriatrics, but women, like nature says, that's a wrap. 1.00

02:05:08.000 They get to a certain age, they're going through menopause, and that's a wrap.

02:05:12.000 But the dudes can just keep impregnating gals. 1.00

02:05:14.000 Look at that.

02:05:15.000 Bam, son!

02:05:16.000 What's up?

02:05:17.000 He looks like he...

02:05:18.000 Bam! 0.98

02:05:20.000 Yeah.

02:05:20.000 Bam!

02:05:21.000 Yeah.

02:05:22.000 Wow.

02:05:22.000 Mystery woman.

02:05:23.000 Oh, she's a mystery woman. 0.79

02:05:25.000 She's a mystery.

02:05:25.000 She's hot.

02:05:26.000 That's not a mystery.

02:05:28.000 Congratulations, sir.

02:05:29.000 Good for him.

02:05:29.000 Yeah, you did it.

02:05:30.000 There's a fun thing about that.

02:05:31.000 You won the people lottery.

02:05:32.000 But when you see it the other way, you get creeped out.

02:05:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:05:34.000 Like, if you saw Betty White with, like, Thor, you'd be like, what the fuck? 0.99

02:05:38.000 What's going on there? 0.99

02:05:39.000 Yeah.

02:05:39.000 That's kind of gross.

02:05:40.000 Yeah.

02:05:40.000 Why are you doing that to that old lady?

02:05:42.000 Yeah.

02:05:43.000 Yeah, you'd be worried about Betty White. 1.00

02:05:45.000 Yeah, are you having sex with her the way you would have sex with a young lady? 1.00

02:05:48.000 Because that's disturbing. 1.00

02:05:49.000 Yeah, that's tough.

02:05:49.000 What are you doing to her?

02:05:50.000 Can she even take that kind of abuse? 1.00

02:05:52.000 Maybe she could. 0.76

02:05:53.000 Jesus.

02:05:54.000 Maybe she wanted it. 0.99

02:05:55.000 Maybe she's just one of them old-school ladies, immigrant ladies with strong bones. 1.00

02:05:59.000 Oh, God.

02:06:00.000 Stiff spines.

02:06:03.000 Harlan used to do a joke. 0.97

02:06:04.000 When I opened for Harlan, he would do a joke where he'd go, he'd take somebody's tortilla chip out of the front row, and he'd go, here's my impression of a 75-year-old woman having sex. 0.80

02:06:14.000 And then he would just crinkle the chip into the mic, and it was like, it sounded exactly like everything breaking.

02:06:20.000 Yeah, it sounds wrong, right? 0.99

02:06:22.000 But like an old guy, like having sex with a hot young lady, like, go pops! 0.99

02:06:27.000 Kind of a cool way to go out, too. 1.00

02:06:29.000 Yeah, sure.

02:06:30.000 I guess.

02:06:32.000 Yeah.

02:06:32.000 Actually, yeah, maybe not.

02:06:34.000 Then I guess everyone's looking at you like, oh, you couldn't keep it together enough.

02:06:38.000 Oh, this is the one.

02:06:40.000 Oh, it's wildly untrue.

02:06:44.000 Well, of course it is. 1.00

02:06:44.000 People love saying silly shit that's not true. 1.00

02:06:48.000 Hopkins is pictured sitting next to Davis in December 2022, fueling rumors that two were romantically involved, but they're not. 0.98

02:06:55.000 But we're hoping.

02:06:56.000 We're hoping that he can get a gal like that. 1.00

02:06:58.000 That's what it is, right?

02:06:59.000 You're hoping.

02:07:00.000 You're not going, oh my god.

02:07:02.000 Because he's so old that he's passed the creepy into the novelty.

02:07:07.000 So there's a creepy firm.

02:07:09.000 The creepy version is a guy who's in his 60s is dating a girl who's 20. That seems creepy.

02:07:17.000 But if a guy's in his 70s and he's dating a girl who's 20, it's like, okay. 0.98

02:07:21.000 It's so ridiculous. 0.87

02:07:23.000 A little more acceptable. 0.99

02:07:26.000 It is what it is.

02:07:27.000 I know.

02:07:27.000 You know?

02:07:28.000 It is what it is.

02:07:28.000 You know what it is.

02:07:29.000 I know what it is.

02:07:30.000 Everyone knows what it is.

02:07:31.000 Stop acting like you don't know what it is.

02:07:32.000 He probably knows what it is, too.

02:07:33.000 He knows exactly what it is.

02:07:34.000 Maybe he lies to himself.

02:07:35.000 That's fine.

02:07:36.000 We all know what it is.

02:07:37.000 That's his deal.

02:07:37.000 So when it's 60 and 20 or 50 and 20, we feel like that person is probably taking advantage of that 20 year old.

02:07:44.000 Potentially.

02:07:45.000 Potentially.

02:07:45.000 Yeah.

02:07:46.000 Maybe not.

02:07:47.000 Maybe she's a really mature 20. Sure.

02:07:48.000 That could be.

02:07:49.000 Possibly.

02:07:50.000 Family loves this guy.

02:07:51.000 I can deal with that.

02:07:52.000 But there's a weirdness if it's like a 60 year old guy on a 20. That makes me creeped out.

02:07:58.000 Oh my god.

02:07:58.000 That's too old.

02:07:59.000 Oh yeah.

02:08:00.000 But if it's a...

02:08:02.000 70-year-old guy and a 20-year-old, you're like, eh, it's okay.

02:08:06.000 Dude, my buddy went to school and there was a 45-year-old dating a 20-year-old in college.

02:08:11.000 That felt very weird.

02:08:13.000 But it wouldn't be weird if it was a 20-year-old guy.

02:08:15.000 This is my problem with it all.

02:08:17.000 Like, a 20-year-old, let's assume that men and women are equal, right?

02:08:22.000 A 20-year-old man and a 45-year-old lady is great.

02:08:27.000 Like, no problem.

02:08:28.000 Like, look at her.

02:08:28.000 She's got a hot young guy.

02:08:30.000 Like, no one cares at all.

02:08:31.000 At all.

02:08:32.000 It would be weird, but not weird where you would think, oh, that lady's a creep. 1.00

02:08:36.000 No.

02:08:37.000 Right?

02:08:37.000 No.

02:08:38.000 But like a 49-year-old guy and a 20-year-old girl, you're like, hmm.

02:08:42.000 I mean, maybe.

02:08:43.000 Same thing with the teachers.

02:08:44.000 Look, I'm not one to tell people what to do.

02:08:46.000 No.

02:08:46.000 But if it was the other way around, like Cher.

02:08:49.000 Cher is what?

02:08:50.000 How old is Cher now?

02:08:51.000 Don't ask a lady her age, Adam. 1.00

02:08:54.000 How old is she? 0.98

02:08:54.000 She's 77. Wow, I was going to say 80. He's 37. Wow. 0.98

02:08:58.000 Okay.

02:08:58.000 But listen, that doesn't bother me at all.

02:09:01.000 Right?

02:09:01.000 That is what it is, too.

02:09:02.000 It is what it is.

02:09:03.000 You know what it is.

02:09:05.000 You know what it is.

02:09:06.000 You know what it is, man.

02:09:07.000 I know what it is.

02:09:08.000 She knows what it is.

02:09:08.000 Everyone knows what it is.

02:09:09.000 We all know what it is.

02:09:09.000 We all know it.

02:09:10.000 And we're fine with it.

02:09:11.000 And we're fine with it.

02:09:12.000 But it's just...

02:09:12.000 You can still go about your day and eat pizza.

02:09:14.000 Let them live their life.

02:09:15.000 So, like, a 49-year-old lady and a 91-year-old guy?

02:09:18.000 Like, fine.

02:09:18.000 Let me ask you this.

02:09:19.000 When you heard about Mary Kay Letourneau, that happened in Seattle, where I'm from. 0.99

02:09:22.000 And that was the first teacher that, like, was fucking around with a kid. 0.99

02:09:25.000 That was... 0.99

02:09:26.000 I mean, that age gap was, like, I think 35 and 12. But also...

02:09:29.000 She... 1.00

02:09:30.000 Listen.

02:09:30.000 She's the first teacher to get caught.

02:09:32.000 There it is. 1.00

02:09:33.000 Yeah, there's freaks all over this fucking planet. 1.00

02:09:37.000 Wow. 1.00

02:09:38.000 Freaks. 1.00

02:09:38.000 There's women that are just as crazy as... 1.00

02:09:40.000 Did you see this? 1.00

02:09:40.000 Katie was charming. 1.00

02:09:41.000 Some men are crazy and some women are crazy. 0.99

02:09:44.000 And some women are crazy and they have great features. 1.00

02:09:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:46.000 And they're just nuts. 1.00

02:09:48.000 And they want to blow the whole football team. 1.00

02:09:50.000 And they don't give a fuck who tells who, what, who cares. 0.99

02:09:53.000 They got into teaching for that reason. 1.00

02:09:54.000 Well, who knows why they got into teaching, but they're crazy people. 0.99

02:09:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:57.000 And then some people just have no impulse control and they want to get teenagers drunk and maybe they want to relive their high school and freak these young boys out and suck their cocks. 1.00

02:10:06.000 Wow. 1.00

02:10:06.000 Suck their cocks in front of their friends. 1.00

02:10:10.000 Can't believe it's happening. 1.00

02:10:10.000 Can you imagine seeing that? 1.00

02:10:12.000 The math teacher's got her tits out and she's blowing you. 1.00

02:10:14.000 You're like, what am I seeing? 1.00

02:10:15.000 How is this even real?

02:10:16.000 I don't know what I would do.

02:10:17.000 Bro, and they're always in Florida.

02:10:19.000 How many of them, like if I hear a story like that, like I think of another story, it's San Francisco.

02:10:24.000 You're exactly right. 1.00

02:10:24.000 If it's a teacher fucking her students, I go, oh, probably Florida. 1.00

02:10:27.000 Some hot blonde with big tits. 1.00

02:10:29.000 Tampa teacher took the pickleball team. 0.99

02:10:31.000 Oh, Jacksonville?

02:10:32.000 No, Tampa, yeah.

02:10:33.000 The Swinger State.

02:10:34.000 The Swinger State.

02:10:35.000 It's just something in the water out there.

02:10:36.000 It is.

02:10:37.000 It's probably alligator farts.

02:10:38.000 They're fearless.

02:10:38.000 Turned everybody confused.

02:10:39.000 Yeah.

02:10:39.000 Some methane in the air from alligators fart and it's got everybody high.

02:10:44.000 They are fearless down there.

02:10:45.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:10:47.000 Hurricane warnings, they don't give a fuck. 0.99

02:10:48.000 Well, they do give a fuck, but there's not much he can do. 1.00

02:10:51.000 If you choose to live down there, that is the fucking gamble you play. 0.99

02:10:54.000 But don't you ever see those stories when there are like a thousand mile an hour winds coming through and then some guy's just like, I ain't going anywhere. 0.99

02:10:59.000 I built this house.

02:11:01.000 Yeah, he's ready to die.

02:11:02.000 Some people are just ready to check it out. 0.50

02:11:03.000 That's what it is.

02:11:04.000 And if God's going to take him out by flattening their house on top of him, they're like, I'm not leaving.

02:11:08.000 I don't want to go anywhere.

02:11:09.000 Kind of respect that.

02:11:10.000 Yeah, maybe their car doesn't have any gas.

02:11:12.000 They don't have any money for gas.

02:11:13.000 You know, if you're going to drive away from a hurricane, you are going to have bumper-to-bumper traffic for a day.

02:11:20.000 You ever been in that?

02:11:21.000 You ever seen it?

02:11:21.000 Oh, yeah.

02:11:22.000 Did you?

02:11:23.000 You ever get stuck in one of those?

02:11:24.000 Oh, yeah.

02:11:25.000 Oh, yeah.

02:11:25.000 Like just a big pile-up for hours?

02:11:27.000 No, like a hurricane.

02:11:28.000 Oh, a hurricane. 1.00

02:11:29.000 Oh, shit, no. 0.99

02:11:29.000 It's a unique pile-up because the whole state's trying to leave. 0.99

02:11:33.000 Like, the highways are not set up where everybody can leave.

02:11:37.000 The highways are set up for normal stuff.

02:11:39.000 So you're better...

02:11:40.000 Normal stuff is, you're going there, but I'm going there.

02:11:43.000 We're not all going there.

02:11:45.000 So if everyone's going there...

02:11:46.000 Wow, dude, we might need to spark that back up.

02:11:48.000 You gotta think about that.

02:11:49.000 Normal traffic is we're all going all over the place.

02:11:52.000 I gotta go to the east.

02:11:53.000 You gotta go to the west.

02:11:54.000 That's fine.

02:11:55.000 We could have multiple cars going there.

02:11:56.000 Rarely is everybody going.

02:11:58.000 All going that way.

02:12:00.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:12:00.000 That's fucked. 1.00

02:12:02.000 That is so fucked. 1.00

02:12:04.000 Look at this, dude. 1.00

02:12:04.000 This is what it's like. 1.00

02:12:05.000 56 hours on the road to escape from Hurricane Irma.

02:12:08.000 56 hours.

02:12:09.000 That's what that looks like.

02:12:10.000 That's why you don't live there. 1.00

02:12:12.000 You don't live there unless you have a fucking private jet or a helicopter that can get you the fuck out of there, because if you get stuck in that shit... 1.00

02:12:20.000 You're arguably less safe, right? 1.00

02:12:22.000 Or I don't know.

02:12:23.000 It depends on when you leave, okay?

02:12:25.000 Because the thing about the modern storm, the way the meteorologists and the way they're able to predict the paths of these things, they're pretty good. 0.63

02:12:33.000 They're pretty fucking accurate.

02:12:34.000 And they see them coming pretty far away. 0.96

02:12:37.000 So you get a couple of days.

02:12:39.000 But that's 56 hours. 0.99

02:12:41.000 56 fucking hours. 0.99

02:12:42.000 That's what it looks like. 0.99

02:12:43.000 So nothing is set up for that, dude.

02:12:46.000 Nothing is set up where...

02:12:48.000 See, they have both lanes on both sides going this way.

02:12:51.000 No one's going the other way.

02:12:52.000 You notice that?

02:12:53.000 So they change the lanes.

02:12:55.000 So instead of on the right lane, people going forward and this one, they're going back.

02:12:59.000 Nope. 0.99

02:12:59.000 Everyone's going the same fucking way. 0.99

02:13:01.000 That's wild. 1.00

02:13:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:13:02.000 Yeah, no amount of podcasts can get you through that drive or road head.

02:13:05.000 Nothing, but you might not have the money for the gas.

02:13:08.000 Right, okay.

02:13:09.000 Like, you're gonna run out of gas.

02:13:10.000 This is what's keeping you stationary.

02:13:11.000 You're gonna have to pull over and get gas.

02:13:12.000 You better hope they have gas, because a lot of times they run out of gas.

02:13:15.000 Yeah.

02:13:15.000 In a lot of places they run out of gas when there's hurricanes.

02:13:18.000 So you have to have a full tank.

02:13:19.000 You have to make sure your car's not a gas guzzler.

02:13:21.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:13:22.000 You're gonna have to shut it off, maybe, because you're stuck in the middle of this fucking road and it's not going anywhere, because there's 10 million people on the same road. 0.97

02:13:31.000 That's a mindset that people don't take into consideration when they think about living in places like that. 0.98

02:13:36.000 You have to take into consideration the fact that everyone has to go in one direction.

02:13:40.000 Not good. 1.00

02:13:41.000 Florida is shaped like a dick, right? 1.00

02:13:43.000 So it's a narrow-ass bullshit state, and everybody's going towards the north. 1.00

02:13:47.000 That's what's scary about LA, too, even with these last few earthquakes happening. 0.99

02:13:50.000 I'm like, oh, man, dude.

02:13:52.000 We're just not set up in a leave town with ease.

02:13:56.000 Oh, no, no.

02:13:57.000 LA's not set up like that at all.

02:13:58.000 For example, Texas 146, which travels through Liberty County, dumped 600,000 people into a county with only 70,000 residents.

02:14:05.000 Oh, that makes sense.

02:14:06.000 Dude, you know how insane that is?

02:14:08.000 600,000 people in a place that only has 70,000 residents.

02:14:12.000 That's crazy.

02:14:14.000 Thousands of people ran out of gas, their cars overheated from all the inching along, causing many to stop and sleep along the highway.

02:14:20.000 There even reports of price gouging by convenience store owners inundated with customers.

02:14:26.000 Crazy.

02:14:27.000 The death of 24 Bel Air nursing home residents who died when their chartered bus caught fire and exploded at about 6.45 a.m.

02:14:36.000 Oh, my God.

02:14:37.000 Clogging interstate.

02:14:38.000 Traffic clogging interstate.

02:14:39.000 So the car overheat and caught fire.

02:14:40.000 Yeah, so that's happening just with the influx of people, right?

02:14:43.000 There's just cars popping off. 0.85

02:14:44.000 Dude, when you've got to get the fuck away from a hurricane, that is...

02:14:48.000 Have you been in one? 0.99

02:14:49.000 Or any sort of tornado?

02:14:50.000 Not like that.

02:14:51.000 No, nothing like that.

02:14:52.000 Any desire to...

02:14:53.000 Hurricanes that had made it all the way, like Gloria, made it all the way to Boston when I was a kid.

02:14:59.000 That was a...

02:15:01.000 Did you have to go in a shelter and all that?

02:15:03.000 No, it wasn't that scary.

02:15:05.000 By the time it got all the way up to Boston, it was nothing like the tropical ones. 0.98

02:15:09.000 The ones where you're catching them hot off the ocean, and you're getting those fucking Florida Keys, those fucking Miami ones. 0.99

02:15:17.000 Bro, those are bananas. 1.00

02:15:19.000 Take you down.

02:15:20.000 I was in a rainstorm once in Miami where the whole highway had a stop.

02:15:25.000 Whole highway stopped.

02:15:26.000 Because you couldn't see anything. 1.00

02:15:26.000 You couldn't see a goddamn thing. 1.00

02:15:28.000 The whole highway stopped. 0.99

02:15:29.000 It's wild how long people don't drive still, too, with you when you just can't see.

02:15:32.000 No, no one was driving.

02:15:33.000 Okay, at this point.

02:15:33.000 It was so bad, no one was driving.

02:15:36.000 I was doing a gig in Miami.

02:15:37.000 Eddie Bravo was doing a jiu-jitsu seminar in Miami.

02:15:40.000 I was doing a gig in West Palm.

02:15:42.000 That's what it was.

02:15:43.000 And I had to go down and travel to Miami with him.

02:15:45.000 We had to stop on the highway.

02:15:46.000 Stop dead.

02:15:47.000 The whole highway.

02:15:48.000 Oh, my God.

02:15:49.000 It was white.

02:15:50.000 You couldn't see anything. 1.00

02:15:51.000 That's like apocalypse shit. 0.99

02:15:52.000 For how long? 0.99

02:15:53.000 That wasn't that long because they just dumps and then it goes away in a few minutes and it becomes passable where it's just raining now.

02:16:00.000 It's not so insane that no one can see.

02:16:02.000 But you've never seen that before if you've never been in like a tropical place.

02:16:06.000 That was a normal rainstorm.

02:16:08.000 That wasn't like a hurricane warning. 0.98

02:16:10.000 They just get so bananas you can't fucking see a car in front of you. 0.93

02:16:14.000 You can't see anything. 1.00

02:16:16.000 That's so fucking nuts. 0.99

02:16:17.000 Yeah, dude. 0.99

02:16:17.000 I had to go in a shelter once, a tornado, my grandparents and mom from Oklahoma, and when they were living there, we went into the shelter. 0.99

02:16:24.000 Tornado people, like, we were down there with people that were just like, we might have to live down here.

02:16:28.000 This could be the new, like, it was my grandparents, a few of their friends, and people that were just like, went to the shelter, and I'm fucking 10, surrounded by true doomsday guys that were just like, this is where we live now. 0.98

02:16:40.000 Like, you might need to, and you look like you're the fattest kid here, young Adam, so we might need to be chomping on those beef jerky titties. 0.98

02:16:47.000 It was wild. 0.92

02:16:48.000 But even just the idea that we're running away from this was wild.

02:16:54.000 Because Seattle, we didn't have any of that growing up.

02:16:55.000 We just had torrential rain and whatnot.

02:16:57.000 One time when we were at the Nashville airport, we had to go into the tornado shelter.

02:17:00.000 There was tornadoes in Nashville.

02:17:02.000 But nothing happened.

02:17:03.000 We got lucky.

02:17:05.000 That's the craziest one.

02:17:06.000 The craziest one is tornadoes.

02:17:08.000 Because you can't even predict those.

02:17:10.000 Those just show up.

02:17:12.000 You see Twister?

02:17:13.000 No, I didn't.

02:17:14.000 I saw the old one.

02:17:15.000 I didn't see the new one.

02:17:16.000 I heard the new one's good.

02:17:17.000 It's wild.

02:17:17.000 Is it good?

02:17:18.000 It's awesome.

02:17:19.000 The effects are wild, dude.

02:17:21.000 What they can do now is compared to the old Twister.

02:17:24.000 Oh my God.

02:17:25.000 Dude, yeah.

02:17:25.000 You believed Helen Hunt was in danger.

02:17:27.000 Right.

02:17:27.000 We were very concerned for Helen Hunt.

02:17:29.000 Damn. 0.99

02:17:29.000 And now you're... 0.99

02:17:30.000 I thought about going to one of those theaters.

02:17:33.000 I want to know how you feel about this.

02:17:34.000 The ones that shake the seats. 1.00

02:17:35.000 Fuck that. 1.00

02:17:36.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:17:36.000 No, thanks. 1.00

02:17:37.000 Fuck that with all these people freaking out around me. 1.00

02:17:40.000 If I had to go to see a fucking horror movie and the seat is shaking, people would start screaming. 1.00

02:17:46.000 No thanks. 1.00

02:17:47.000 It's too real. 1.00

02:17:47.000 Too much of a mindfuck. 1.00

02:17:49.000 Maybe in some movies it would be cool. 0.87

02:17:51.000 Well, when I worked at Universal Studios, they had a Shrek 4D. And so when Donkey would sneeze, you'd get blown with snot and stuff.

02:18:00.000 People like that, but that's a theme park.

02:18:01.000 I hosted the Fear Factor live show at Universal for a little bit.

02:18:05.000 That's hilarious.

02:18:06.000 And it was not anything close to your show, but you'd have to make people think the first stunt was like, these guys are going to be hanging on to these bike handlebars 30 feet in the air, and there's a platform below them, and when the platform drops out...

02:18:20.000 You hear the sound effect.

02:18:20.000 They gotta hang on, but they're attached to a bungee cord, so there's no real danger of all of it.

02:18:25.000 And then it was, the only real thing that was kind of close to the show was the eating of stuff.

02:18:30.000 It was like, we have this picture of sour milk and beaver clits and just all this. 0.99

02:18:35.000 It was just crazy shit, and one guy projectile vomited on me, and I said, what the fuck, into the mic in front of 1,500 kids, and I got suspended for a week because I cursed in front of kids. 1.00

02:18:44.000 Well, you threw up in your mouth. 1.00

02:18:46.000 Yeah, dude.

02:18:47.000 What do you want?

02:18:48.000 Perfection?

02:18:48.000 You got a Fear Factor show.

02:18:50.000 Dude. 0.99

02:18:50.000 Ridiculous. 0.99

02:18:51.000 Yeah, it was wild. 0.97

02:18:51.000 That's hilarious, though, that you hosted that. 0.97

02:18:52.000 It was nuts, dude.

02:18:53.000 I mean, it was very...

02:18:54.000 I mean, dude, the show was...

02:18:55.000 You, me, and Ludacris.

02:18:56.000 Yeah, dude, it's a small club. 1.00

02:18:59.000 Marry, fuck, kill. 1.00

02:19:00.000 That is... 1.00

02:19:01.000 Did you ever go to Universal when you were there with the kids?

02:19:04.000 Sure, yeah.

02:19:05.000 I probably saw you.

02:19:06.000 I was Wolverine there for three years.

02:19:08.000 I did.

02:19:08.000 You know what I used to love at Universal?

02:19:10.000 The zombie place.

02:19:12.000 Oh my god, it was awesome. 1.00

02:19:13.000 The fucking... 1.00

02:19:14.000 What am I thinking? 1.00

02:19:15.000 The Walking Dead.

02:19:16.000 The Walking Dead thing.

02:19:16.000 Oh yeah, the maze that they would have.

02:19:18.000 Yeah.

02:19:18.000 That's fun.

02:19:18.000 It's incredible.

02:19:19.000 That's fun.

02:19:19.000 Yeah.

02:19:20.000 That's pretty scary.

02:19:20.000 We had, during Halloween Horror Nights, before they put a clamp down on it, but I dressed up as Scarface Zombie, so I was Pacino Zombie.

02:19:26.000 So I'm just chasing people around, scaring them. 0.99

02:19:30.000 Oh shit, dude. 0.99

02:19:32.000 Is that you as Wolverine? 1.00

02:19:33.000 That's me, dude, for about four years.

02:19:35.000 That's hilarious.

02:19:36.000 Yeah.

02:19:37.000 It's scaring the shit out of people.

02:19:38.000 Universal has a great Waterworld thing, too.

02:19:41.000 Like, Waterworld, the movie, it was not that good.

02:19:43.000 No.

02:19:43.000 But Waterworld, the, like, show.

02:19:46.000 The show's the best part. 0.97

02:19:46.000 It's fucking great. 0.97

02:19:47.000 Oh, yeah, dude. 0.99

02:19:48.000 It's better than the actual Waterworld.

02:19:50.000 Right?

02:19:50.000 Isn't it crazy that they banked on a movie that turned out to be a tremendous flop.

02:19:55.000 That's insane.

02:19:56.000 And they put together a theme show for a movie that was a tremendous flop.

02:20:01.000 Yeah.

02:20:01.000 But the theme show is so good that people still come to see it about a movie that no one cares about.

02:20:07.000 Bro, it's wild.

02:20:08.000 They spent so much money.

02:20:10.000 Millions of dollars.

02:20:11.000 Maybe billions.

02:20:12.000 One of those things where...

02:20:13.000 It sounded like...

02:20:15.000 It just didn't work out.

02:20:17.000 It didn't work.

02:20:18.000 The pitch sound must have been like...

02:20:20.000 It's like Last of the Mohicans on water.

02:20:24.000 And the guy from Field of Dreams and Tin Cup.

02:20:26.000 I like a jet ski.

02:20:30.000 Dude, there were days when you'd see people, dude, some of my universal days where I'd see a guy dressed as Spongebob.

02:20:35.000 I mean, I was a 1940s cop, was the best job I had there, because I wasn't from anything.

02:20:39.000 I'd improvise as Wolverine and do bits, and my boss was like, Wolverine's not funny. 0.93

02:20:43.000 Stop doing fucking stand-up, because I'm doing open mics at this time. 0.95

02:20:45.000 So I'm a 1940s cop walking around, can make fun of people, do whatever. 0.99

02:20:49.000 And at one point, I picked up a squirt gun that was on a kiosk.

02:20:53.000 It was like 120 out. 0.66

02:20:54.000 And I'm just shooting people with it and doing all these bits. 0.99

02:20:56.000 And Japanese tourists would walk by and I'd shoot this one guy in the back. 1.00

02:20:58.000 And then all these people would watch me and I'd be like, act like I didn't know what was happening.

02:21:02.000 And my boss pulls me over and she goes... 0.99

02:21:04.000 What are you doing?

02:21:05.000 This is 1940s New York.

02:21:06.000 This part of the park.

02:21:07.000 There's a New York people out of the window.

02:21:09.000 There's a cabbie.

02:21:10.000 You're supposed to be making people think this is 1940s New York.

02:21:12.000 And I go, Jenna, with all due respect, a trolley just drove by with Fievel, Curious George, and SpongeBob SquarePants blasting the song, ooh-ee-ooh-ah-ah, ching-chang, walla-walla-bing-bang. 0.85

02:21:23.000 And I was like, I'm not a history buff, but I'm pretty sure that song wasn't also a part of the 40s.

02:21:27.000 And she's like, it's your job to make people think that this is 1940s New York. 0.98

02:21:31.000 And I was like, fuck, I gotta get out of here. 1.00

02:21:33.000 Jesus, it's your job to make people retarded? 1.00

02:21:37.000 What does that mean?

02:21:38.000 And I was like, if people were walking out thinking that I didn't make them think that this is, then they shouldn't be in the park in the first place. 0.97

02:21:43.000 That's ridiculous. 0.93

02:21:44.000 That's funny. 0.97

02:21:45.000 That's like people that go to those fairs, those renaissance fairs, and then some people break character, and then the other people try to talk to them in character.

02:21:53.000 You ever see that happen?

02:21:54.000 Oh yeah.

02:21:55.000 Oh, it's hilarious.

02:21:56.000 Oh, yeah.

02:21:56.000 I broke character all the time.

02:21:57.000 Dude, Dave Matthews came in one time with his family.

02:21:59.000 I'm in full 1940s cop and he's like, is there any way I can get a beer?

02:22:03.000 And I was like, yeah, come with me.

02:22:04.000 There's one Irish pub down here.

02:22:05.000 I'll take you to it.

02:22:06.000 And I'd just seen him the night before. 0.98

02:22:07.000 I go, dude, you guys fucking crushed it last night. 1.00

02:22:09.000 And he goes, oh shit. 1.00

02:22:11.000 He goes, can you break character? 1.00

02:22:12.000 I go, dude, I don't want to be here. 1.00

02:22:13.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99

02:22:14.000 And then I went and he offered to get me a shot of this bar and I was like, dude. 1.00

02:22:18.000 You ruined the experience for him.

02:22:19.000 Yeah.

02:22:20.000 You ruined it for Dave Matthews.

02:22:21.000 He was like, he's breaking character. 1.00

02:22:23.000 This is bullshit. 1.00

02:22:24.000 I wanted to get the cop thing. 1.00

02:22:26.000 I paid for the cop thing.

02:22:28.000 I paid for the cop thing. 1.00

02:22:29.000 This is bullshit. 1.00

02:22:30.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00

02:22:30.000 Dave Matthews. 1.00

02:22:31.000 That's funny. 0.99

02:22:32.000 Cool as fuck. 0.95

02:22:33.000 That whole Universal Rides thing, the best thing is the Harry Potter thing. 0.99

02:22:37.000 A thousand percent. 0.99

02:22:38.000 That fucking roller coaster with the dragons. 1.00

02:22:40.000 Oh, yeah, dude. 1.00

02:22:40.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

02:22:41.000 It's incredible.

02:22:42.000 It's really good.

02:22:42.000 You don't get sick from those?

02:22:43.000 No.

02:22:43.000 Yeah.

02:22:44.000 No, I'm lucky.

02:22:45.000 I don't have the motion sickness thing.

02:22:46.000 The motion sickness thing is a weird one.

02:22:48.000 You can't read in a car. 1.00

02:22:52.000 Dremamine is your fucking cocaine. 1.00

02:22:54.000 You can throw up from reading in a car, which is real weird. 1.00

02:22:57.000 Your brain gets so confused.

02:22:58.000 Like, why am I looking at something that's stationary when I know my body's in motion?

02:23:02.000 I know.

02:23:02.000 It doesn't make sense.

02:23:03.000 Your body does not like it.

02:23:04.000 Yeah.

02:23:04.000 At all.

02:23:06.000 And your body's like, you must be sick. 1.00

02:23:09.000 You have to tell it, I'm not sick, bitch. 1.00

02:23:11.000 I'm looking at my phone. 0.99

02:23:12.000 I know.

02:23:12.000 You know?

02:23:13.000 Yeah.

02:23:13.000 I tried to read a book once in a car, and I was fighting off the nausea.

02:23:18.000 I was like, don't be a pussy. 1.00

02:23:19.000 And then I was like, oh my god, you can't fight it anymore. 1.00

02:23:21.000 It was like...

02:23:22.000 Just happened.

02:23:23.000 Yeah.

02:23:24.000 No, I held it in.

02:23:25.000 Oh, you did?

02:23:25.000 But I was like...

02:23:27.000 You know where it comes up in your throat and you have to swallow it back down and it burns your throat?

02:23:33.000 You know those feelings?

02:23:34.000 That was right there.

02:23:35.000 I had a kid have to do that in science class.

02:23:36.000 He had chew, 8th grade, and the teacher found him.

02:23:38.000 Mr. Moore caught Joe Antonsich, RIP, and he had a big thing of chew in his mouth.

02:23:43.000 And Mr. Moore goes, Mr. Antonsich?

02:23:45.000 He looked like David the Gnome.

02:23:46.000 Huge beard.

02:23:47.000 You couldn't see his eyes barely.

02:23:48.000 His beard came up to here. 0.99

02:23:49.000 Big fucking fro. 1.00

02:23:52.000 And he goes, Mr. Antonsich, I see that chew in your mouth. 1.00

02:23:55.000 And he was like, I don't know what you're talking about.

02:23:56.000 He goes, Swallow.

02:23:57.000 Made him swallow it, dude. 0.70

02:23:59.000 Puked.

02:24:00.000 Right after.

02:24:00.000 That's crazy.

02:24:01.000 Wish that story was better.

02:24:02.000 I'd be mad at that teacher. 1.00

02:24:04.000 You can't make my kid swallow chew, you fucking idiot. 1.00

02:24:06.000 This was in fucking 1995, dude. 1.00

02:24:08.000 That's really bad for you. 1.00

02:24:09.000 Really bad for you. 1.00

02:24:10.000 Mr. Morgan didn't give a fuck. 1.00

02:24:11.000 Poison, Mr. Morgan, you piece of shit. 1.00

02:24:14.000 How about you shave your stupid fucking face, too, you cocksucker. 1.00

02:24:17.000 You could tell this guy. 1.00

02:24:18.000 I mean, he was a tiny little, like, science guy that you could tell, like, I don't know. 0.99

02:24:22.000 He didn't give a fuck. 0.99

02:24:22.000 He was gonna... 0.99

02:24:23.000 Well, they don't like kids fucking around. 1.00

02:24:26.000 I get it, but kids are going to fuck around. 1.00

02:24:29.000 You've got to be a little bit more even-keeled. 1.00

02:24:31.000 Can't make kids swallow tobacco, you fucking idiot. 1.00

02:24:34.000 It's pretty wild now that I'm saying it out loud. 1.00

02:24:35.000 It's crazy.

02:24:36.000 Well, when I was in school, they used to paddle you.

02:24:38.000 When I lived in Florida. 1.00

02:24:39.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

02:24:40.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

02:24:40.000 You get in a fight, they paddle you. 0.99

02:24:43.000 They'd whack you in the ass with a piece of wood. 1.00

02:24:45.000 In front of people? 1.00

02:24:46.000 No.

02:24:46.000 It was just the principal.

02:24:48.000 The principal would paddle you.

02:24:49.000 Jesus.

02:24:50.000 That wasn't like a weird fetish?

02:24:51.000 It was just like...

02:24:51.000 No!

02:24:52.000 It's punishment.

02:24:52.000 You did something wrong.

02:24:53.000 You got whacked. 0.99

02:24:55.000 I got whacked. 0.99

02:24:56.000 Did you get whacked?

02:24:57.000 No, I'm not really as a kid.

02:24:58.000 Yeah.

02:24:59.000 Not much.

02:25:00.000 Yeah.

02:25:00.000 Nothing like where I got hurt.

02:25:01.000 Yeah.

02:25:02.000 You know, just like a little tap on the head.

02:25:03.000 Yeah, of course.

02:25:04.000 Nothing serious.

02:25:05.000 A little spoon to the back.

02:25:06.000 Nothing crazy.

02:25:06.000 A little slap.

02:25:07.000 My sister threw a high heel shoe at my back once during a fight. 1.00

02:25:09.000 Oh my God. 0.99

02:25:10.000 Yeah, that fucking hit me right in the back. 0.99

02:25:12.000 I went down. 1.00

02:25:12.000 It's a piece of wood. 1.00

02:25:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:25:14.000 It's a goddamn deadly weapon. 1.00

02:25:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:25:15.000 Then she locked me in the garage. 1.00

02:25:16.000 Then I got out.

02:25:17.000 Jesus.

02:25:17.000 Locked her in the garage.

02:25:18.000 Jesus. 1.00

02:25:18.000 And then she made fun of me for being a fat kid and having bigger tits than our mom. 1.00

02:25:22.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:25:23.000 And she was adopted, so I go, you mean my mom? 1.00

02:25:25.000 And fucking, dude. 1.00

02:25:26.000 Mic drop, but also. 1.00

02:25:27.000 Yeah, that one.

02:25:28.000 That one. 1.00

02:25:29.000 Yeah, that was fucking. 0.98

02:25:30.000 I said, Natalie, I'm so sorry, even to this day. 0.99

02:25:33.000 Yeah, that was wild.

02:25:34.000 That's to the bone.

02:25:35.000 Yeah, she's crushing it now.

02:25:36.000 Yikes.

02:25:36.000 Isn't that deep?

02:25:37.000 As a fucking, dude, 10 years old? 0.99

02:25:39.000 Well, kids aren't fucking mean because they don't understand what it's going to do to someone. 1.00

02:25:43.000 That's why bullies in school are so dangerous. 0.99

02:25:45.000 Because you could ruin someone's life for no fucking reason other than you can. 0.99

02:25:48.000 You see kids ganging up on kids for no reason other than you can. 0.98

02:25:53.000 You're going to ruin that kid's experience for the rest of their life.

02:25:57.000 Because some kids, they get bullied in high school and they never recover.

02:26:00.000 They become like recluses. 0.99

02:26:02.000 They hide.

02:26:03.000 They always associate people with pain.

02:26:06.000 It becomes a real problem. 1.00

02:26:08.000 Gun's a real fucking problem. 0.98

02:26:10.000 Yeah, the kids that would tease me for weight stuff, like, I try, you know, as I got a little older, I'd try to give benefit of the doubt and be like, oh, they didn't know any better, they're just fucking kids, but like, and thank God I found a way to maybe, you know, get around it, but like... 0.99

02:26:22.000 Kids can be so mean. 0.74

02:26:23.000 They can be mean, they don't even know they're doing it.

02:26:24.000 They don't even know, man.

02:26:25.000 They're just doing it because they're experienced.

02:26:27.000 Louis C.K. had a whole bit about it.

02:26:29.000 I forget how it went, but it was essentially about his...

02:26:34.000 Well, he's dead on right.

02:26:35.000 It's like they know that they can do this thing, so they do it.

02:26:38.000 And it's like throwing a rock in a window.

02:26:40.000 It's like they can, so they do it.

02:26:42.000 And young kids don't think about consequences.

02:26:44.000 No.

02:26:44.000 They're little animals.

02:26:45.000 They're not fully developed yet.

02:26:47.000 Yeah, I know. 0.99

02:26:47.000 And so they're mean, but the problem is when they're mean to, like, if you're mean to a 14-year-old that's just coming into ninth grade, you might fuck them up forever. 0.99

02:26:55.000 Yeah, dude. 0.99

02:26:55.000 Forever. 0.99

02:26:56.000 Yeah. 0.84

02:26:56.000 Especially if you're like 16 or 17, you're a big older bully and you're picking on some 14-year-old kid, like, whoa! 0.84

02:27:03.000 Yeah.

02:27:03.000 I know so many people that just got destroyed from their experience in high school.

02:27:07.000 Just destroyed their confidence.

02:27:09.000 Didn't recover?

02:27:10.000 Well, it alters the course of your life.

02:27:11.000 Oh, wow, yeah. 1.00

02:27:12.000 You're always thinking you're a loser. 0.99

02:27:14.000 So it kills your confidence to try anything. 0.98

02:27:16.000 Yeah.

02:27:17.000 Kills your confidence to meet people.

02:27:19.000 Yeah.

02:27:19.000 You know, you're afraid of interactions.

02:27:21.000 You're always hearkening back to that, yeah.

02:27:23.000 I mean, that's why parents, you know, old school parents will tell you and some boy bullies you. 1.00

02:27:27.000 You go back to school and you punch that kid right in the fucking face. 1.00

02:27:30.000 Like, imagine sending your kid to school and telling them that. 1.00

02:27:33.000 Like, go punch that bully in the face. 1.00

02:27:34.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

02:27:36.000 I know my mom used to tell me, she's like, go tell the teacher or call me and I'll call the parents. 1.00

02:27:40.000 I'm like, that's the fucking last thing I want to do. 0.86

02:27:42.000 At least I'm like savvy enough to like not... 0.93

02:27:44.000 You're not gonna be there all the time.

02:27:46.000 Yeah.

02:27:46.000 So I'm gonna have to go to school and I'm gonna have to deal with this guy.

02:27:49.000 If you intervene, you're not gonna intervene every day.

02:27:52.000 Yeah.

02:27:53.000 So what's gonna happen?

02:27:54.000 He's just gonna remember that you intervened the next time he sees me?

02:27:57.000 No, he's gonna put me in a locker.

02:27:58.000 You know, it's gonna be a real problem.

02:28:00.000 I ran for vice president in the fifth grade, and my mom helped me write my speech.

02:28:04.000 She was reminding me of this.

02:28:05.000 And I go, big kid again.

02:28:07.000 And I was running on the platform of, if you vote for me, we'll have ice cream every day.

02:28:12.000 My mom helped me write this, and I was like, I think I'm okay.

02:28:14.000 And then she was like, put this.

02:28:15.000 And she goes, say, if you vote for me, I promise we'll have ice cream at LFP every day.

02:28:21.000 Not...

02:28:22.000 Joe, I did that in front of the whole school.

02:28:24.000 Oh, no.

02:28:25.000 Crickets.

02:28:25.000 One teacher in the back.

02:28:27.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

02:28:28.000 Your mom told you to say that? 1.00

02:28:29.000 Oh, mom.

02:28:31.000 Terrible idea.

02:28:32.000 What a roll the dice.

02:28:35.000 Don't listen to your mom.

02:28:36.000 Also, kind of applaud the confidence to open mic night in front of the school.

02:28:42.000 It's also when Not was still kind of in.

02:28:44.000 So you think that was like the first joke you ever cracked publicly?

02:28:47.000 It might have been.

02:28:48.000 Probably has to be.

02:28:49.000 It probably has to be.

02:28:50.000 Right?

02:28:50.000 I mean, when did you ever address a group of people?

02:28:53.000 No, never.

02:28:54.000 Never?

02:28:54.000 Never.

02:28:54.000 Right?

02:28:55.000 So first time ever.

02:28:56.000 In front of the whole school.

02:28:56.000 First bad joke.

02:28:57.000 Crickets.

02:28:58.000 Right out of the bat. 0.98

02:28:59.000 Maybe a couple kids that were like, dude, this guy's fucking onto something. 0.95

02:29:02.000 Well, some kids just like it when there's a little bit of chaos. 0.95

02:29:04.000 Like, yeah. 1.00

02:29:06.000 Say something stupid. 1.00

02:29:08.000 Give me something to think about other than my miserable existence. 1.00

02:29:13.000 Dude, yeah.

02:29:13.000 Yeah, which is a lot of people.

02:29:15.000 That's a lot of online activity.

02:29:17.000 Like, people just looking for someone to fail so they go like, yeah!

02:29:22.000 Love it!

02:29:23.000 I don't read the comments right now.

02:29:26.000 I'm trying not to.

02:29:27.000 Right now?

02:29:27.000 When did you start doing that?

02:29:29.000 Maybe a couple years ago.

02:29:30.000 Oh, good for you.

02:29:31.000 I was reading both, and then it was just like, I'd love to live in, like, the...

02:29:36.000 Present?

02:29:36.000 Yeah.

02:29:37.000 I know how I think it.

02:29:38.000 It felt good in the moment.

02:29:39.000 Why would I want to take away...

02:29:41.000 Anything from that.

02:29:42.000 I don't know.

02:29:43.000 It's an unnatural way of human beings interacting with each other.

02:29:46.000 It's not good for you.

02:29:47.000 Sometimes I look at stuff just to go like, oh, did they...

02:29:49.000 Like when Shane and I did the Trump-Biden thing, I was like, I want to see if people are digging it.

02:29:53.000 You read a few nice things and then it's like you just have to have self-discipline to go.

02:29:58.000 But listen, you know it's good.

02:30:00.000 You know that's good.

02:30:01.000 It killed.

02:30:02.000 You guys doing Biden and Trump and going back and forth with each other, it was magic.

02:30:08.000 It was hilarious.

02:30:09.000 Thanks, man.

02:30:10.000 You know what it is.

02:30:11.000 What a wild thing to have as far as SNL does these political things. 0.79

02:30:15.000 They're like, what, 8 to 12 minutes?

02:30:16.000 Two hours of it?

02:30:18.000 That's a wild...

02:30:19.000 They can't even come close.

02:30:20.000 They can't even come close.

02:30:21.000 First of all, it's not possible for them to come close.

02:30:23.000 They can't come close in the subject matter.

02:30:25.000 And they don't have Shane.

02:30:26.000 Shane is the greatest Trump that's ever existed.

02:30:29.000 Shane should be writing for Trump.

02:30:31.000 He should be writing for Trump.

02:30:32.000 If Trump was smart, he would hire Shane and Tony Hinchcliffe to write for him.

02:30:37.000 Because Shane could show him how to do it.

02:30:38.000 This is how?

02:30:39.000 This is how you say the joke?

02:30:41.000 When he came out and was doing the dance and the low clapping, I don't know if you saw this too, the way he was drinking his Bud Lights with two little...

02:30:50.000 Fully in character.

02:30:51.000 Fully in character.

02:30:51.000 Yeah.

02:30:52.000 I mean, for real, he could show Trump how to deliver the lines.

02:30:55.000 Dude, when we were, the first time we did it, because Shane and I only maybe seen each other and chatted about 10 times at clubs prior to that first time.

02:31:02.000 So this is really, this is another thing I love about comedy.

02:31:05.000 It's like we got to really kick it like this past weekend a lot and chum it up and like just get to know each other more because we were thrust into this thing kind of together, you know?

02:31:14.000 And during the first time with the mothership, I lean over in character and I go, I go, hey Shane, you realize this is the most we've ever talked to each other? 0.99

02:31:20.000 And then the character goes, Joe, shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:31:24.000 And I start fucking biting my lip. 1.00

02:31:26.000 It's so funny, dude. 0.99

02:31:28.000 Yeah, it's a fun time for comedy and a fun time for politics if you're a comedian.

02:31:34.000 For the rest of the world, it's like, whew.

02:31:36.000 I said that when Joe Biden was operating the country, it felt to me like how I feel when my Tesla is on autopilot.

02:31:43.000 I'm like, yikes, does this really work?

02:31:45.000 Oh, yeah.

02:31:46.000 You know, it's like, Jesus.

02:31:47.000 Oh, yeah.

02:31:47.000 What's happening there?

02:31:49.000 And now, seeing you as Joe Biden, you're way more coherent than the actual Joe Biden, which is so nuts.

02:31:56.000 Some zingers, yeah.

02:31:58.000 Lots of balance you have to find.

02:32:00.000 People were like, dude, just mumble and stumble and you'll be fine.

02:32:03.000 I'm like, I'm still there to be funny.

02:32:05.000 But you figured out how to do it in character, too, which is fun.

02:32:09.000 Because you have that thing where you can do the bumbling, and it's actually funny.

02:32:13.000 Like, on purpose bumbling.

02:32:16.000 You know?

02:32:17.000 Because sometimes he just bails.

02:32:19.000 Yeah.

02:32:19.000 He just bails on what he's saying.

02:32:21.000 Totally.

02:32:21.000 And he just, you know, we gotta...

02:32:22.000 We beat Medicaid.

02:32:27.000 Yeah.

02:32:27.000 That's what I said on the first.

02:32:28.000 I go, we beat Medicaid, Megatron, we took down the Transformers.

02:32:31.000 Yeah.

02:32:31.000 And even when I got there with the Tell, I go, we got David Tell, Dave Chappelle, we got Adele up here, come on!

02:32:37.000 How long did you do the character before you did it on Kildoni? 0.99

02:32:40.000 Did you fuck around with it? 0.99

02:32:41.000 Bro, no. 1.00

02:32:41.000 I'd done a couple voices in my act talking about the debate, maybe. 1.00

02:32:46.000 So that was the first time doing it.

02:32:48.000 That's crazy.

02:32:49.000 Jeremiah Watkins and I did a bunch of, during COVID, lost Phil episodes.

02:32:53.000 And that's kind of how I started to find whatever my version of it was that.

02:32:56.000 But this was just a first...

02:32:58.000 Have you met him?

02:32:59.000 Who?

02:32:59.000 Dr. Phil.

02:33:00.000 No.

02:33:01.000 That's hilarious.

02:33:02.000 But I think he's going to come on my show at the store in the fall.

02:33:04.000 How are you going to feel when you meet him? 0.99

02:33:06.000 I'll probably start jerking off. 0.99

02:33:07.000 Are you going to handle it better than you handled Jim Carrey? 1.00

02:33:10.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

02:33:11.000 I think so. 1.00

02:33:12.000 I hope so.

02:33:12.000 I hope so, for your sake.

02:33:14.000 I hope so.

02:33:14.000 I think it'll be awesome.

02:33:15.000 I hope he doesn't get tense.

02:33:16.000 Yeah, what if he just is that...

02:33:18.000 Honestly, when they were playing the...

02:33:20.000 I need to be in charge of what you're allowed to say.

02:33:23.000 Because you might be saying things...

02:33:26.000 You know, he might get to...

02:33:27.000 I thought he was going to come out at Madison Square Garden when they played that video montage when they put me in the Kill Tony Hall of Fame. 0.95

02:33:32.000 I thought he was going to come out behind me and, I don't know, fucking stab me in the back and go, we won't be right back. 0.97

02:33:38.000 That would have been funny. 1.00

02:33:39.000 Just take me down. 0.68

02:33:40.000 Yeah, he's...

02:33:41.000 I think he'll be...

02:33:42.000 I want him to come out on my show at the Comedy Store and when they announce Dr. Phil, he comes out instead.

02:33:47.000 And then everybody goes nuts.

02:33:48.000 And then I come out, we shake hands and chat for about 20, 30. Well, Kill Tony's so big now, I could see him coming out.

02:33:54.000 Especially now, because he's got that...

02:33:56.000 He's got a network and a book.

02:33:57.000 Yeah, he's got some stuff to sell.

02:33:59.000 Dude, I plug his book on every episode of the show.

02:34:02.000 People buy books now, Joe, and bring them to my club dates and have me sign and do a thing.

02:34:06.000 Tiffany Haddish was on one of the shows, and I go, Tiff, this guy's got a question for you. 0.96

02:34:10.000 And he's like, Tiffany, I can't stop drinking, but I can't stop jerking off. 0.99

02:34:15.000 And she goes, you gotta stop jerking off. 1.00

02:34:16.000 She goes, you're gonna go blind. 1.00

02:34:17.000 You jerk off too much, you're going to go blind. 1.00

02:34:19.000 I go, I actually talk about that in my book, We've Got Issues. 1.00

02:34:21.000 I go, chapter 25, if you come too much, you're going to lose your ability to see the world.

02:34:25.000 So I'm finding ways to plug the book.

02:34:28.000 That'll keep him happy.

02:34:30.000 That'll definitely sell some books.

02:34:30.000 I think that's kind of not a bad move, right?

02:34:32.000 No, it's a very good move.

02:34:33.000 Solid move.

02:34:34.000 Good move on your part.

02:34:35.000 And it's a fun bit.

02:34:36.000 And it's like people now, I don't know.

02:34:38.000 No, it's definitely fun.

02:34:39.000 But what would happen if you said stop doing it?

02:34:42.000 Stop doing it.

02:34:42.000 And it was fun.

02:34:43.000 It was a fun run.

02:34:45.000 I'd keep throwing it.

02:34:47.000 Okay, you heard it here first.

02:34:48.000 I think we're going to have to go to court for this one.

02:34:51.000 Come on, bro.

02:34:52.000 Let it go.

02:34:52.000 I mean, it's parody, and it's always...

02:34:55.000 So I don't think there's a real...

02:34:57.000 It would have to...

02:34:57.000 I mean, it'd be a cease and desist of some sort, right?

02:35:00.000 Well, parody is an interesting thing, right?

02:35:02.000 Because people are really worried about parody now with AI. Because there's a lot of parody now with AI. Oh, yeah.

02:35:07.000 There was this one Kamala Harris thing that was going around where she never said any of these things.

02:35:13.000 There's the original speech that she gives, and there's this ridiculous version of the worst thing that a person... 0.96

02:35:20.000 Oh, God. 0.55

02:35:22.000 Yeah, and it's AI. And it's like, yeah, that's one of them weird ones.

02:35:27.000 That's a weird one.

02:35:29.000 Because if you could do that, then you could have people saying all kinds of things.

02:35:32.000 If that's okay to take a famous person who's the vice president of the United States... 0.77

02:35:38.000 Have her say a bunch of shit that she didn't really say Because it's parody like you can kind of get a little slippery with that like you can get like subtle parody Yeah, or it's like you barely know that she's not saying those things.

02:35:51.000 Yeah, and then it becomes like people believe it's real It's pretty obvious though right the videos of these not always man. 0.99

02:35:57.000 They're getting good They're getting really good.

02:35:59.000 They're getting really good.

02:36:00.000 They're getting close enough that they could trick a lot of people. 0.98

02:36:03.000 And I think the best version of it now is pretty fucking tight, man. 0.92

02:36:07.000 The vocal stuff is pretty wild. 0.97

02:36:09.000 It's all wild.

02:36:10.000 They can take your voice and have you say almost anything. 0.96

02:36:13.000 And if they do a good job with it and manipulate it and tweak it, like the intonations, God, they get it so goddamn close. 0.97

02:36:21.000 Scary.

02:36:22.000 There's still a little part of you that listens to it and goes, this seems a little fake.

02:36:25.000 Yeah.

02:36:25.000 But I always wonder if, like, if I didn't know that it definitely wasn't real, I wonder if it would feel fake to me.

02:36:31.000 Yeah.

02:36:32.000 You know?

02:36:33.000 Yeah.

02:36:34.000 I don't know.

02:36:34.000 I feel like, yeah.

02:36:35.000 I don't know.

02:36:36.000 They said we're gonna have flying cars about now and it's not happening, so maybe AI won't be as scary as...

02:36:40.000 They do have flying cars.

02:36:42.000 Yeah, but like a part of society.

02:36:44.000 Yeah, they're not common, but they would help in the hurricane place as long as you don't catch them winds.

02:36:49.000 I remember when Dallas had Uber helicopters for about two months.

02:36:51.000 Bro, could you imagine if Florida had flying cars and hurricanes in the middle of the hurricanes?

02:36:56.000 You know there'd be a bunch of those same kind of dudes that shoot out their window at people in road rage.

02:37:00.000 They would be flying in winds that they shouldn't be flying in and crashing into the whole highway in a burst of flames and killing everybody.

02:37:08.000 And it would be on YouTube Reels the next day.

02:37:11.000 Florida is the guinea pig of states for all the stuff that's...

02:37:14.000 Well, it's a state that was essentially founded...

02:37:18.000 Okay, there's two findings, right?

02:37:20.000 There's the original.

02:37:20.000 The Spaniards landed in Florida first.

02:37:23.000 The first city was in Florida, in this country, right?

02:37:26.000 So you have, like, the colonizers, the first original colonizers land in Florida. 0.99

02:37:31.000 Then, you know, all the fucking... 0.99

02:37:34.000 Prisoners that Castro releases, he gets them out and puts them on fucking boats and sends them to Miami. 0.99

02:37:41.000 And then you have the crazy cocaine days in the 1980s. 0.97

02:37:45.000 And then you have an economy that has, there was more, at least at one point in time, find out if this is true still, there's more banks per capita in Miami.

02:37:54.000 Yeah.

02:37:55.000 Like, for a city than anywhere else in the country.

02:37:56.000 Wow.

02:37:56.000 Because it was all money laundering.

02:37:58.000 People were just, like, they were moving money around with cocaine.

02:38:01.000 And people were making millions of dollars and putting it in trash bags and digging holes in their backyard.

02:38:06.000 You ever see Cocaine Cowboys?

02:38:08.000 No. 0.99

02:38:08.000 Fucking incredible. 0.99

02:38:10.000 Fucking incredible documentary. 0.99

02:38:12.000 About everything you're talking about? 1.00

02:38:14.000 Yes.

02:38:14.000 It's all about cocaine in Miami.

02:38:16.000 At one point in time, one graduating class, the Miami Police Academy, every single one of them either went to jail for corruption or was murdered. 1.00

02:38:25.000 My god the entire class it was just cocaine Everyone was out of their fucking minds.

02:38:32.000 They're all on it and they're all committing crimes on it And they're all making millions of dollars and they're all going to nightclubs at Scarface it's Scarface was based on that my god Brian De Palma scars face written by Was Oliver Stone right didn't Oliver Stone write it sounds right it is right For how long? 0.87

02:38:50.000 How long was this time?

02:38:51.000 A couple years or what?

02:38:52.000 Like a decade. 1.00

02:38:53.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:38:53.000 More. 1.00

02:38:54.000 Maybe more than a decade. 1.00

02:38:55.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:38:55.000 Maybe 20 years. 0.99

02:38:56.000 I had a buddy who was an ophthalmologist who did his residency at a university in Miami during the cocaine days.

02:39:04.000 He said, dude, it was nuts.

02:39:07.000 It was nuts. 1.00

02:39:08.000 Gunshot wounds, stab wounds, people with things up their asses. 0.99

02:39:13.000 So many people got brought into the emergency room with things they stuffed up their ass while they were coked up. 0.99

02:39:19.000 I didn't know that was a side effect. 0.99

02:39:20.000 Army soldiers.

02:39:21.000 I thought it was like stories with no ending.

02:39:23.000 No, no, no. 0.99

02:39:23.000 Like light bulbs, the ones that are shaped like pine cones, stuff light bulbs up their asses. 0.99

02:39:27.000 Like people were doing all kinds of wild shit and being brought into the emergency room. 0.99

02:39:31.000 I thought Coke was just supposed to be like, you take the party up a notch and there's more fun. 0.97

02:39:35.000 Well, it depends on where you're starting from. 0.99

02:39:38.000 You're like, hey man, in some places, something to blow up the ass was how... 1.00

02:39:43.000 Those fucking swingers in Tampa are already on the 29th floor. 1.00

02:39:47.000 It's not much of an elevator to get them to the roof. 1.00

02:39:51.000 These fucking people are out of their minds. 1.00

02:39:53.000 And the whole town was founded by cocaine. 1.00

02:39:59.000 And it still has that feel, this party feel to that city still.

02:40:03.000 I'm sure cocaine's still an issue there, but I mean, it's not the whole thing now.

02:40:08.000 But it's like, that's a frivolous area.

02:40:10.000 I always say if you want to starve to death, open a bookstore in Miami.

02:40:14.000 No one's got no patience.

02:40:15.000 You know you're reading there?

02:40:17.000 You're reading. 0.99

02:40:18.000 What the fuck up? 0.99

02:40:19.000 We're out here stunting. 0.99

02:40:21.000 Pot hasn't had a similar type, I don't know.

02:40:25.000 Effect on the town?

02:40:26.000 Yeah.

02:40:27.000 Not really, right?

02:40:28.000 Maybe pot and LSD was San Francisco in the 70s and the 60s.

02:40:32.000 But like, not really, you know?

02:40:35.000 But people weren't putting stuff up their butts and whatever.

02:40:37.000 No!

02:40:38.000 Well, that's reefer madness stuff.

02:40:39.000 That's the opposite of what you would do if you were high. 0.99

02:40:41.000 You'd take that toy soldier and you'd go, if I put this in my ass, what if I get stuck? 0.99

02:40:45.000 You'd start freaking out. 0.99

02:40:46.000 What if I have to go to the hospital? 1.00

02:40:47.000 It's stuck in my ass. 1.00

02:40:48.000 I'm not doing it. 1.00

02:40:49.000 When you're on coke, you're like, get up there, soldier! 1.00

02:40:51.000 Do your fucking duty for- Where there's a will, there's a way! 1.00

02:40:53.000 Are you a deserter? 1.00

02:40:56.000 What did you sign up for to protect you? 1.00

02:40:59.000 Piece of shit. 1.00

02:41:01.000 You're coked up out of your mind. 1.00

02:41:03.000 I did one of Joey Diaz's Death Stars the last time I did his pod when he was in LA. Yeah, he would do that, do you?

02:41:08.000 That might be the highest I've ever been.

02:41:12.000 Uncomfortable, very dangerous, bad for people's psyche.

02:41:15.000 I was good for about 20 minutes, and then don't remember what happened after that.

02:41:18.000 Yeah, he takes people, he throws them into the darkest pits of their soul.

02:41:22.000 Thank God he just talked, like, I was so, I got quiet, I remember I looked over at Lee at one point, and I was just like...

02:41:26.000 I don't know if I can say anything else.

02:41:28.000 Lee's probably asleep.

02:41:29.000 Yeah, he was.

02:41:29.000 Lee was probably asleep standing up.

02:41:31.000 Joe would finish the story and go, and then, and we got here, and then, let me tell you something, man.

02:41:35.000 There's one time we were in poker.

02:41:36.000 And I was like, when he got real low like that, I was like, okay, I think this, I got another 10 minutes to be quiet.

02:41:41.000 Right.

02:41:41.000 Because of another story.

02:41:42.000 Try to catch your brain.

02:41:43.000 Totally.

02:41:43.000 Catch, wow, dude.

02:41:44.000 What a great way to put it.

02:41:45.000 Yeah.

02:41:46.000 Catch it.

02:41:46.000 Where is it?

02:41:46.000 Where's my fucking brain?

02:41:47.000 Get over here. 1.00

02:41:48.000 You know how to think.

02:41:49.000 Yeah.

02:41:50.000 Oh, God, he was, I'd never been so paranoid.

02:41:52.000 Breathe.

02:41:52.000 Just breathe.

02:41:53.000 The amount of times I told myself to breathe was crazy.

02:41:56.000 Terrifying.

02:41:57.000 The old days of the Church of What's Happening Now is all just Joey doing edibles.

02:42:02.000 Insane amounts of edibles and just being obliterated.

02:42:07.000 With Lee Syatt, there's so many episodes where his eyes are closed and he's just rocking back and forth.

02:42:13.000 He's hallucinating. 0.99

02:42:14.000 He's watching neon cartoons fuck behind his eyelids. 1.00

02:42:18.000 I remember he gave him another Death Star when he was like, eat another one, Lee. 0.99

02:42:22.000 And he was like, He woke up to eat it, and then he, I mean, it was, yeah, it was wild.

02:42:27.000 But it was like, you know, I wanted to be, I wanted to participate.

02:42:30.000 Oh, yeah, you have to.

02:42:31.000 How do you not?

02:42:31.000 You have to.

02:42:32.000 Yeah.

02:42:32.000 If you're doing Joey's show, you have to be on the same wavelength, otherwise it'd be rude.

02:42:36.000 But I was, yeah, totally.

02:42:37.000 Imagine being a sober person, listening to that conversation, like, what are you saying?

02:42:40.000 Look at Lee!

02:42:41.000 Look at Lee!

02:42:42.000 Look at Lee!

02:42:45.000 Yeah, dude.

02:42:46.000 He's in another dimension right now.

02:42:48.000 Oh, God.

02:42:48.000 He's literally in another dimension.

02:42:50.000 He's gone.

02:42:52.000 He's gone.

02:42:52.000 Eyes in the back of your head.

02:42:53.000 He's passed over.

02:42:54.000 Always smiling, so he was on some sort of a journey.

02:42:57.000 Well, listen, he's on the Church of What's Happening Now with Joey Diaz having a great time.

02:43:00.000 I know. 0.98

02:43:01.000 Which is when you want to be that fucked up on edibles. 0.97

02:43:03.000 You're around nice people, having a wonderful time. 0.94

02:43:05.000 By the way, another stamp in the comedy zeitgeist or the history books of like, I feel very fortunate to have been in a time where I got to be around that and then beyond, you know what I'm saying?

02:43:16.000 I mean, obviously you guys have been homies forever, but like, Yeah, that's like, you know, that was a staple in time. 0.56

02:43:22.000 Well, also, it doesn't exist anymore.

02:43:23.000 Like, people forgot.

02:43:24.000 I keep trying to tell him to bring back to church, and I'm trying to get him and Lee together again to do...

02:43:30.000 Oh, cool.

02:43:30.000 I think they're talking about it, and Lee was out here when he was out here.

02:43:34.000 Goddamn, those two together were so fun.

02:43:36.000 It's just, Joey Diaz like that was so funny. 0.53

02:43:39.000 He's just so Joey Diaz. 1.00

02:43:42.000 And if you know him, you love him, like on the July 4th one, when he was like screaming, you're a fucking American! 1.00

02:43:50.000 It's like in the background music. 0.99

02:43:55.000 The Joey Diaz State of the Union.

02:43:57.000 It's incredible.

02:43:58.000 Those are also some of the wildest nights at the store that I will never forget in the OR of seeing a lineup that's just, you know, Tom, Bill, you, Joey.

02:44:07.000 Like, you bringing up Joey or Joey bringing up you is a half hour that I don't think I'll ever forget, dude.

02:44:13.000 That's so wild.

02:44:15.000 And I know you get that now with the mothership of what you guys are doing here and what you've created.

02:44:20.000 But man, like, seeing it for the first time of it, of me seeing it, is what I'm, I guess, getting at.

02:44:25.000 Of being, and getting to a point to where it was like, open mics at the store, then did phones for a few years, and then being a regular, then just being around, and being around enough to be comfortable to stick around and sit in a bucket seat and watch that transition happen, was wild, dude. 0.96

02:44:39.000 The fucking, the pops and the roars, and then you sitting down and watching him was so fucking cool, you know? 0.94

02:44:46.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:44:46.000 That's other stuff that is not... 1.00

02:44:49.000 You have to just be around to see that.

02:44:51.000 It was a different time, too.

02:44:53.000 You could do that then, and you could hang out in the back, and you didn't get bothered.

02:44:58.000 That was an interesting time of the store, because it was so heavy.

02:45:04.000 There were so many killers.

02:45:05.000 There was so many people there. 0.99

02:45:07.000 It was such a magnet for crazy people, too.

02:45:11.000 So there's this energy in that place that was so different.

02:45:14.000 Yeah.

02:45:14.000 You know, that's also because it's like Ciro's nightclub and people were killed there.

02:45:18.000 Oh, really?

02:45:19.000 Bugsy Siegel.

02:45:19.000 You don't know all those stories?

02:45:20.000 Oh, my God.

02:45:21.000 Bugsy Siegel owned it.

02:45:22.000 I just knew it was a nightclub.

02:45:23.000 That's about as far as my...

02:45:24.000 A mob-run nightclub. 1.00

02:45:26.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:45:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:45:27.000 Of course it was. 1.00

02:45:27.000 I'm sure you've talked to people that have seen ghosts there, right? 1.00

02:45:30.000 Oh, yeah.

02:45:30.000 Yeah.

02:45:31.000 How many other places where people have seen ghosts?

02:45:33.000 I know.

02:45:33.000 That's like the most ghostiest of ghost places in LA. Yeah.

02:45:36.000 When you talk to those fucking ghost freaks. 1.00

02:45:39.000 Oh, really? 1.00

02:45:40.000 It's been featured on?

02:45:41.000 Yeah, man.

02:45:41.000 There's a bunch of stories about the comedy store being haunted.

02:45:45.000 Yeah, I know multiple people that have seen Ghosts there.

02:45:48.000 Carla Bow used to have a crazy story about sleeping on the stage, and something grabbed his leg and dragged him to the end of the stage, and then he heard a bunch of chairs clink and the door slammed, and there was no one in the room.

02:46:01.000 He was asleep on the stage.

02:46:03.000 He got kicked out of his apartment.

02:46:04.000 He's had a fight with his girlfriend. 1.00

02:46:06.000 Fuck you, I'm gonna make it. 1.00

02:46:07.000 You know, that kind of shit. 1.00

02:46:08.000 He's young. 1.00

02:46:09.000 And he was working as a doorman for the store, so he had a key. 0.98

02:46:12.000 He goes in and he says, I'm gonna sleep on the stage because I'm gonna fucking make it in comedy. 0.84

02:46:16.000 And then he's on stage and he hears a noise, like a chair's clinking. 0.90

02:46:20.000 He's like, hello?

02:46:22.000 Hey, it's me, Carl.

02:46:24.000 I'm here.

02:46:25.000 I got kicked out of my place, so I'm just sleeping on the stage.

02:46:29.000 Hey, who's there?

02:46:30.000 And he hears, like, a sound again.

02:46:31.000 He doesn't see anything.

02:46:33.000 And then all of a sudden, a hand grabs his leg and drags him, like, six feet, and then lets go.

02:46:38.000 Oh, my God. 0.97

02:46:39.000 Dude, that's fucking terrifying. 0.99

02:46:40.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:46:41.000 I mean, maybe he lied.

02:46:42.000 Yeah.

02:46:43.000 But it's an amazing story.

02:46:44.000 The way he would tell- I want to believe.

02:46:46.000 I want to believe.

02:46:46.000 I want to believe, too.

02:46:47.000 I've never heard anybody get touched by a ghost, though.

02:46:49.000 It might have been one of his friends.

02:46:50.000 He might have been blackout drunk.

02:46:52.000 One of his friends was like, Carl's sleeping on the stage. 1.00

02:46:54.000 Let's fuck with him. 1.00

02:46:55.000 And they probably never told him. 1.00

02:46:56.000 They probably forgot they did it, because they did it acid and fucking a pile of coke. 0.99

02:47:00.000 That sounds more believable. 0.99

02:47:01.000 Yeah, because he was a part of Kinnison's crew.

02:47:03.000 Right.

02:47:03.000 Right?

02:47:03.000 So, like, Marc Maron said that when he partied with Kinnison so hard that he had voices in his head for a year.

02:47:10.000 A year.

02:47:12.000 After he got back.

02:47:13.000 He left.

02:47:14.000 Went to Boston after he was hanging out in Los Angeles.

02:47:17.000 And he had voices in his head for like a year.

02:47:19.000 Saying what?

02:47:20.000 I don't know.

02:47:21.000 Not good things, I'm sure.

02:47:23.000 They're never good voices.

02:47:24.000 Start a podcast in your garage.

02:47:26.000 That took years to happen.

02:47:28.000 This is like the 90s.

02:47:29.000 This is like, not even, this is the 80s. 0.99

02:47:32.000 That's fucking wild. 0.92

02:47:32.000 This is like, when I met him, it was 88. So these are leftover residual voices from... 0.92

02:47:38.000 They did so many drugs.

02:47:41.000 They did so much coke that he like had voices in his head.

02:47:46.000 It's probably a breakdown of the natural neurochemistry. 1.00

02:47:51.000 You're fucking with your brain somewhat. 1.00

02:47:53.000 100%. 1.00

02:47:53.000 You're robbing your brain of its ability to produce dopamine. 1.00

02:47:57.000 You destroy all your serotonin levels. 1.00

02:48:00.000 You fuck with everything. 1.00

02:48:02.000 When you go that hard with coke and then you have to get off, those guys get wrecked. 1.00

02:48:07.000 I've met people that are getting off coke and they are wrecked.

02:48:12.000 Like, it's just empty, and they're so drained. 1.00

02:48:16.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

02:48:17.000 It just fucks you up. 1.00

02:48:20.000 And it makes you want to do more coke. 0.99

02:48:21.000 Get back on the horse.

02:48:23.000 Hear the dog.

02:48:23.000 And we're back.

02:48:24.000 And we're back.

02:48:26.000 Yeah, I'd see it, and I'm like, oh my god, that's a demon.

02:48:29.000 That's a demon in powdered form.

02:48:31.000 It's not around as much anymore at clubs, I don't think.

02:48:33.000 Of course it is.

02:48:33.000 Oh, really?

02:48:34.000 Yeah, it's around all over the place.

02:48:35.000 The problem is now it's got fentanyl in it. 1.00

02:48:37.000 Yeah, fuck that. 1.00

02:48:37.000 Now it could kill you. 1.00

02:48:38.000 Fuck that, dude. 1.00

02:48:38.000 And people are still doing it. 1.00

02:48:39.000 That's how nutty Coke is.

02:48:41.000 They're gonna roll the dice.

02:48:42.000 Isn't that crazy? 1.00

02:48:43.000 You get some shit that's not from the cartel. 1.00

02:48:44.000 That's fucking wild. 1.00

02:48:45.000 I don't even take... 0.98

02:48:47.000 People are bringing me weed now all the time, which I appreciate, but I, I mean...

02:48:51.000 Well, they found weed with fentanyl.

02:48:52.000 Yeah, I know.

02:48:53.000 And it's also like, one kid had a bag.

02:48:55.000 It was at Comedy Castle in Royal Oak.

02:48:58.000 And I walk in the bathroom and he pulls out this little bag and he goes, bro, I brought you something.

02:49:01.000 And it's just a bag of shake.

02:49:03.000 And I go, oh man, thanks, bro.

02:49:05.000 I'm just trying to be polite.

02:49:06.000 I go, thanks, man.

02:49:06.000 He goes, there's more where that came from.

02:49:08.000 I go, can I be honest?

02:49:09.000 This looks like it just fell out of your pocket.

02:49:10.000 He's like, yeah, but I brought you the bag.

02:49:12.000 And I was like, the gesture's sweet, but I just feel like this is not the move.

02:49:16.000 If it was a nice joint, maybe in a tube and stuff, he's like, okay, you're a Hollywood guy, huh?

02:49:20.000 I'm like, that has nothing to do with it.

02:49:21.000 It's just a bag that was stuffed in your cargo pants.

02:49:23.000 Of shake.

02:49:24.000 Yeah, of shake.

02:49:26.000 Maybe a little fentanyl.

02:49:27.000 You can't roll the dice on that.

02:49:29.000 Yeah, you can't today.

02:49:31.000 You know, there's places that are trying to outlaw fentanyl tests, which is insane.

02:49:37.000 Who's doing that?

02:49:38.000 Where is that happening?

02:49:40.000 Is that a Texas thing?

02:49:41.000 Where's that happening, where they're outlawing the fentanyl tests?

02:49:45.000 And I think the concern is that it would encourage people to do drugs or sell drugs, and that maybe the thing that's going to discourage them is the fact that people are dying from it, which is an insane way to think.

02:49:56.000 Let's just prevent people from dying first.

02:49:59.000 I guess the fear is that it would make people feel like it's safe to do coke again.

02:50:03.000 Center for Disease Control and Prevention and most public health agencies endorse distributing fentanyl test strips to people who use drugs.

02:50:10.000 The practice is illegal in 42 states and the District of Columbia.

02:50:15.000 Wow!

02:50:15.000 Oh my God, that feels like way too many places.

02:50:18.000 That's insane.

02:50:18.000 I thought it was like a state.

02:50:21.000 I thought it was like a Florida thing.

02:50:23.000 Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, North Dakota, and Texas.

02:50:26.000 They are now allowed in every state except Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, North Dakota, and Texas.

02:50:34.000 That's nuts, Texas.

02:50:36.000 And it's an easy way to save lives.

02:50:37.000 Jesus Christ, that's insane.

02:50:40.000 Bummer.

02:50:40.000 Why does Texas have it illegal?

02:50:42.000 Why are fentanyl strips illegal in Texas?

02:50:44.000 Texas is one of the few states where fentanyl strips are still illegal and considered drug partenalia.

02:50:49.000 One argument that has been made against the test strips and other harm reduction practices is that they may encourage people to do drugs or continue doing drugs. 0.99

02:50:56.000 So let's just kill them. 1.00

02:50:58.000 Let's just kill them. 1.00

02:50:59.000 Let's let your kids die because they made a mistake because they're 16 and someone gave them some coke and they wanted to be a cool kid. 1.00

02:51:05.000 That's insane. 1.00

02:51:07.000 That's insane.

02:51:08.000 Yeah, we don't want to encourage kids to do drugs.

02:51:10.000 Correct.

02:51:10.000 And you know the way to do that?

02:51:12.000 Is to have positive role models who aren't doing coke.

02:51:15.000 That's the best way to do it.

02:51:17.000 The best way is, you know, your favorite country music singer doesn't do coke.

02:51:21.000 You know, like, maybe that.

02:51:22.000 Maybe your favorite athlete doesn't do coke.

02:51:24.000 And he tells you, listen, I don't do coke.

02:51:25.000 You shouldn't do coke. 1.00

02:51:27.000 It's fucking scary. 1.00

02:51:29.000 What the fuck, dude? 1.00

02:51:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:51:31.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:51:32.000 That is wild. 1.00

02:51:33.000 It's crazy that you would have a test strip and make it illegal.

02:51:36.000 You could save lives.

02:51:38.000 That's the only way you should look at that.

02:51:40.000 You're gonna save lives.

02:51:41.000 They're already doing something illegal.

02:51:43.000 You know, you're not encouraging or discouraging.

02:51:45.000 If it was not killing people, probably the same exact amount of people would be doing coke.

02:51:50.000 I can't believe that we got rid of, what was it, Jamie?

02:51:52.000 Sunbubble?

02:51:52.000 What was the place that you put up?

02:51:53.000 The hot tub, the cum tub place?

02:51:56.000 We got rid of those, but we can't get fentanyl strips approved?

02:51:59.000 Crazy.

02:51:59.000 Well, also, the real elephant in the room is, why is it a problem?

02:52:04.000 Why are these drugs tainted?

02:52:07.000 And it's because they're illegal.

02:52:08.000 That's the problem.

02:52:09.000 And the problem is we don't want to make them legal because we don't want to encourage drug use.

02:52:13.000 I get that too. 0.98

02:52:14.000 But the thing is, the only way you're going to make it safer for human beings to do these stupid things and live is if you make it legal. 0.92

02:52:24.000 It shouldn't be legal in terms of like I mean, it should be legal, but it shouldn't be something that someone can profit off of. 0.90

02:52:35.000 It shouldn't be something that someone can sell to people.

02:52:38.000 Maybe the best way to do it would be to make drugs free and legal.

02:52:43.000 Sure. 0.97

02:52:44.000 Like, if I catch you selling coke, death penalty.

02:52:48.000 But if you want to give away coke, if you want to make coke and give it away, it's totally illegal.

02:52:52.000 If you want to make your own cocaine or a pharmaceutical drug company makes cocaine, they can sell that cocaine for exactly what it costs to make it and nothing more.

02:52:59.000 Okay.

02:53:00.000 So no one's going to make it.

02:53:01.000 Yeah.

02:53:01.000 But then the drug...

02:53:02.000 Well, then... 1.00

02:53:03.000 Then you will have a supply problem, and then you'll have, eh, my idea sucks. 0.98

02:53:08.000 I bailed on it.

02:53:09.000 It was adorable to watch you go through it.

02:53:10.000 I bailed on it, because I was like, no, because then people just, they'll make it, and they'll suddenly get the fentanyl problem, all back over again.

02:53:16.000 You've got to allow pharmaceutical drug companies to profit, otherwise they have no incentive to make it. 0.96

02:53:21.000 Then they're going to tell you, they're going to have fucking ads like, CNN brought to you by cocaine. 0.99

02:53:26.000 That's going to be the Anderson Cooper show brought to you by crack. 0.99

02:53:29.000 The Cocaine News Network.

02:53:30.000 Yeah, that's what it'll be.

02:53:31.000 Anderson Cooper just coked out.

02:53:33.000 It'll become like pharmaceutical drug companies sponsor those shows now, right?

02:53:37.000 It'll be cocaine sponsors. 0.99

02:53:38.000 I would watch a full news network that was just, everyone's fucked up. 0.99

02:53:42.000 Responsible use of cocaine. 0.99

02:53:43.000 Just a little, woo, before you talk about the weather.

02:53:45.000 Wow.

02:53:46.000 I'm here to talk about the weather.

02:53:46.000 If you're going to have any segment of the news...

02:53:49.000 It's going to fucking rain! 0.99

02:53:50.000 Woo! 0.99

02:53:51.000 You better got two coats on today, baby! 0.99

02:53:54.000 You better get that fucking car gassed up because you're going to be in 56 hours of traffic. 0.99

02:53:57.000 Let's go! 1.00

02:53:58.000 It's going to be hot.

02:53:59.000 Let's go.

02:53:59.000 I'm not even going anywhere.

02:54:00.000 I'm going to ride this motherfucker out in the basement. 1.00

02:54:04.000 Meanwhile, your basement gets flooded. 1.00

02:54:07.000 Some of those places get flooded.

02:54:09.000 I was watching the last hurricane.

02:54:10.000 This whole community is underwater.

02:54:13.000 Did you see any of that, Jamie?

02:54:14.000 There's a community in Florida and it was not even in the flood zone.

02:54:18.000 And they're all underwater.

02:54:19.000 Their houses are underwater.

02:54:20.000 Everything's underwater.

02:54:21.000 No thanks.

02:54:22.000 Yeah, not good, dude.

02:54:24.000 Not good at all.

02:54:25.000 You're living in a place where the sky becomes an angry monster and could snuff out life.

02:54:30.000 Have you scuba dived?

02:54:32.000 No. 1.00

02:54:34.000 Fuck all that. 1.00

02:54:35.000 No thanks, I know. 1.00

02:54:35.000 There's sharks out there. 1.00

02:54:37.000 My wife is like, we don't know, I think 73% of the ocean.

02:54:40.000 She's just like, what? 0.60

02:54:40.000 I think it's 90. Yeah, it's gotta be. 0.60

02:54:42.000 I think it's 90. Every day there's a new fish or dolphin or whale and you're like, I just saw this video of, I think it was a swordfish coming out and like flying across the, whatever, did he pop down to the water?

02:54:52.000 I was like, I didn't know they could fucking jump like that. 0.91

02:54:54.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:54:55.000 No thanks, dude.

02:54:56.000 This kid was on my podcast recently.

02:54:58.000 Bob Gimlin is his YouTube channel.

02:55:02.000 He had a very interesting point.

02:55:03.000 He said he thinks that, and this is coming from someone else who observed this, he thinks that sharks are attacking people not even to eat them.

02:55:11.000 They're attacking people because they don't want them there because they're getting in the way of the seals and all the things they eat.

02:55:16.000 That's why they're killing people.

02:55:17.000 They don't want you in their water.

02:55:19.000 And I was like, oh my god, that makes sense.

02:55:21.000 A thousand percent.

02:55:22.000 I haven't even thought about it.

02:55:23.000 What are we doing there? 1.00

02:55:23.000 I want to think of them as these fucking thoughtless killing machines that are just biting everything. 1.00

02:55:28.000 Imagine just walking into a stranger's house, opening the door, just opening their fridge. 1.00

02:55:32.000 You guys might as well make some tater tots?

02:55:34.000 That's what we're doing in the ocean. 0.99

02:55:35.000 There's a video of a kid in Hawaii who's on a small paddleboard, fishing off a paddleboard, and a fucking tiger shark bites the paddleboard. 0.97

02:55:44.000 Have you ever seen that video? 0.99

02:55:45.000 No.

02:55:46.000 It's terrifying.

02:55:48.000 But it is, I mean, if you wanted to think about it, look, the kid's out there fishing.

02:55:52.000 Yeah.

02:55:52.000 So he's stealing fish from the sharks.

02:55:54.000 Sorry, yeah.

02:55:55.000 Like, the shark knows that that's not a fish.

02:55:58.000 Oh, God, is this it?

02:55:58.000 Watch this, dude.

02:55:59.000 Watch this.

02:55:59.000 This is crazy.

02:56:03.000 So he's out there fishing.

02:56:04.000 Look at this.

02:56:07.000 Bro.

02:56:07.000 Tiger shark!

02:56:09.000 Tiger shark ran me.

02:56:11.000 No, no.

02:56:12.000 Bit you, bro.

02:56:13.000 Rammed me, yeah.

02:56:14.000 That thing bit him.

02:56:15.000 Watch this.

02:56:15.000 Oh!

02:56:17.000 Look at that.

02:56:19.000 It bit the boat, man.

02:56:22.000 It bit the boat.

02:56:23.000 Yeah, dude, you're taking food out of its mouth.

02:56:25.000 And its family's mouth. 1.00

02:56:26.000 Again, you walk into a stranger's house, you take the meatloaf sandwich out of your kid's mouth, your dad's going to punch you in the face.

02:56:31.000 He knows for sure that's not a fish.

02:56:33.000 Shark attack seems like maybe the worst way to...

02:56:37.000 I mean, die for sure, but like...

02:56:38.000 It's a horrible way to die. 0.93

02:56:39.000 Oh, man.

02:56:41.000 First of all, you can't get away, and they move real fast, and you can't move at all.

02:56:45.000 It's not even like a bear on the ground.

02:56:46.000 You feel like maybe you can run?

02:56:48.000 Maybe?

02:56:48.000 Run up a tree?

02:56:49.000 Maybe?

02:56:49.000 I just saw this video with an alligator attack, where it's like, if it bites your leg, you're supposed to roll with it, and then play dead, and then you, like...

02:56:56.000 The playing dead thing, always, to me, I'm like, you're not that good of an actor. 0.99

02:56:59.000 Good luck keeping it together while a thing is clamped onto your fucking leg. 1.00

02:57:02.000 Dude, I don't even think Pacino could fake dead in front of a gator. 1.00

02:57:05.000 I think they're gonna be like, dude...

02:57:06.000 It's gonna keep you underwater until it knows for sure, so you have to not move.

02:57:10.000 Yeah, you're not likely that.

02:57:11.000 Are you that zen to reduce your panic around a gator attack?

02:57:15.000 Nobody is.

02:57:16.000 Nobody is.

02:57:17.000 Yeah, but a shark, dude.

02:57:18.000 That just feels...

02:57:19.000 All of them are awful. 0.99

02:57:20.000 They say punch him? 0.89

02:57:21.000 Who's got enough wherewithal or just, you know, in the moment...

02:57:24.000 Who survived that's punched a shark while it was wrapped around their torso?

02:57:28.000 I don't know, dude.

02:57:28.000 Who survived?

02:57:29.000 Maybe Tom Bergeron.

02:57:30.000 They're just going to rip you in half, man.

02:57:32.000 You're done. 0.65

02:57:33.000 The bite force is insane.

02:57:34.000 It's got filled with knives.

02:57:36.000 Go to your happy place.

02:57:37.000 You know...

02:57:39.000 Imagine the last moment of your life, you're looking down at your entrails and no legs.

02:57:44.000 And that's it.

02:57:45.000 That's the end.

02:57:46.000 Wow.

02:57:46.000 This is the end.

02:57:47.000 How long do you think you get to look at that before?

02:57:49.000 A few seconds.

02:57:49.000 You get a few seconds.

02:57:51.000 What is that thing biting? 1.00

02:57:56.000 It's just a killing machine.

02:57:58.000 But it does make sense.

02:58:00.000 And now that I see that video of the shark biting the boat, that totally makes sense.

02:58:05.000 Taking his snacks.

02:58:06.000 Yeah, because I used to think that it was, oh, just they'll bite anything.

02:58:08.000 No, they're mad that you're there. 1.00

02:58:10.000 Get out of here, bitch. 1.00

02:58:11.000 Because they're pretty smart, right? 1.00

02:58:12.000 I don't think so.

02:58:14.000 Well, they're ancient.

02:58:16.000 Most of these really ancient things that haven't changed at all since the dawn of time, they're not that smart because they're just about killing.

02:58:25.000 If you think about how old sharks are, I think sharks are older than trees.

02:58:30.000 Yeah.

02:58:31.000 I think sharks predate trees on Earth.

02:58:34.000 See if that's true.

02:58:35.000 I'm 99% sure it's true.

02:58:37.000 I talk about that in my book, We've Got Issues.

02:58:39.000 Sharks are older than trees.

02:58:40.000 450 million years old.

02:58:42.000 Wow.

02:58:43.000 This tree is 350 million years old.

02:58:46.000 So there was sharks for a hundred million years before there were ever trees. 0.99

02:58:50.000 That's fucking wild, dude. 0.99

02:58:52.000 Wild. 0.99

02:58:53.000 And they're out there in the water, and you want a scuba dive, Adam Ray?

02:58:56.000 No, I'm good, man. 0.99

02:58:57.000 What the fuck is wrong with you, bro? 0.99

02:58:58.000 I'll go to Sunbubble with Jamie. 1.00

02:58:59.000 They're gonna see you down there with your stupid gear, and then you're like, you fucking cocksucker, you're ruining my fishing. 1.00

02:59:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:59:05.000 Yeah.

02:59:06.000 No, thank you, sir.

02:59:08.000 I'm not interested.

02:59:10.000 Glad we're on the same page.

02:59:11.000 What's that?

02:59:12.000 A depiction of that shark?

02:59:13.000 Oh my god, what kind of shark is that?

02:59:15.000 A little bandsaw in its mouth.

02:59:16.000 Is that the early sharks?

02:59:19.000 Heliocoprion?

02:59:19.000 That's what its mouth looked like?

02:59:20.000 A 240 million year old fish.

02:59:23.000 Jesus Christ.

02:59:26.000 You ever see that movie The Meg?

02:59:29.000 Oh yeah. 1.00

02:59:29.000 One of the dumbest movies that's ever been made. 1.00

02:59:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:59:32.000 It's so dumb. 0.99

02:59:33.000 Like, while you're watching it, like, what have you done to me? 1.00

02:59:36.000 Dude.

02:59:36.000 And even Statham was just like...

02:59:38.000 We're gonna see what's down there.

02:59:40.000 No, you don't, Jason. 1.00

02:59:41.000 Go back to fucking the Italian Job 2. Biting the window. 1.00

02:59:46.000 It crashes through the window. 0.99

02:59:48.000 Giant 50-foot shark, whatever the fuck it was. 0.98

02:59:51.000 What about Open Water? 0.99

02:59:52.000 Was that the name of that one?

02:59:53.000 Where it was just all shot, found footage?

02:59:54.000 Yeah, that was a good one, though.

02:59:56.000 It was good because it was realistic. 0.97

02:59:58.000 The Meg 2 is even dumber. 0.96

03:00:00.000 It's even dumber than the Meg 1. But they're fun. 0.89

03:00:03.000 It's fun dumb. 0.99

03:00:04.000 Those are good popcorn movies from time to time. 0.99

03:00:06.000 Enjoyable.

03:00:07.000 You know that's not really happening.

03:00:08.000 Imagine.

03:00:09.000 It's like a Megalodon down there.

03:00:10.000 But there could be.

03:00:11.000 That's what everybody thinks.

03:00:12.000 Maybe that's what took the rich guys in the submarine that went down there.

03:00:16.000 Do you think something big got them?

03:00:17.000 No.

03:00:18.000 Yeah.

03:00:18.000 Incompetence.

03:00:19.000 Yeah.

03:00:21.000 Human folly.

03:00:22.000 I think that gets more people than sharks.

03:00:24.000 You know?

03:00:24.000 That's a big one.

03:00:25.000 I do like the idea that the further down, like all the way down there, there's something...

03:00:29.000 Like where the Titanic really... 0.94

03:00:30.000 At the fucking very bottom is something that's living down there that's just... 0.98

03:00:34.000 You can't even comprehend. 0.99

03:00:35.000 That's never even trying to come up.

03:00:37.000 But if you go all the way down there like they did, or you make it down for whatever...

03:00:41.000 I saw Will Smith in some video where he went down with some people for some Discovery show.

03:00:46.000 Like really down there to where it was like...

03:00:48.000 They shouldn't be down there.

03:00:49.000 What are you doing? 1.00

03:00:50.000 Get the fuck out of there. 0.98

03:00:51.000 Even these astronauts are going to space that are stuck until February. 0.99

03:00:54.000 They're stuck.

03:00:55.000 Joe, why...

03:00:56.000 If they can get them in February.

03:00:57.000 Why are we still going?

03:00:59.000 Is down here not good enough?

03:01:00.000 Yeah, but it's also if they can get them in February. 0.95

03:01:03.000 Are you fucking serious? 0.93

03:01:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:01:05.000 What if that doesn't work?

03:01:06.000 What if something goes wrong with that?

03:01:07.000 Something went wrong, which is why they can't get them.

03:01:10.000 Guess what?

03:01:10.000 Things go wrong.

03:01:11.000 And you might not have rockets available that can do it.

03:01:14.000 You might not have a shuttle available that can get them. 0.99

03:01:16.000 You might not be able to fucking... 0.99

03:01:17.000 You might have, like, some sort of problems in your software. 0.99

03:01:20.000 Who fucking knows, man? 0.93

03:01:22.000 Dude, that's... 0.99

03:01:23.000 So scary.

03:01:24.000 Terrifying.

03:01:25.000 And they have to either be saved by another, I guess, SpaceX.

03:01:28.000 Make friends with the Russians.

03:01:30.000 Have the Russians bring them home. 1.00

03:01:31.000 There you go.

03:01:31.000 I bet they can get them.

03:01:32.000 Wouldn't that be funny?

03:01:33.000 That's a nice slap in the face.

03:01:34.000 Yeah, dude.

03:01:35.000 Putin says, I'll do you a favor.

03:01:37.000 Nice Putin.

03:01:37.000 Go get your friends.

03:01:38.000 Okay.

03:01:39.000 Just put them nice.

03:01:40.000 You'll be nice with me.

03:01:42.000 I'll be nice with you.

03:01:43.000 Go get your friends.

03:01:44.000 We'll give you Brittany Griner. 1.00

03:01:46.000 We'll bring back your astronauts.

03:01:50.000 There was a sound that was recorded once by underwater microphones that was a biological sound that was louder than anything that any animal had ever made before.

03:02:02.000 And they don't know what it is.

03:02:04.000 See if you can find that. 0.96

03:02:06.000 I mean, it might not be this, but remember the other day, the humpback whales or whatever make a fucking crazy sound? 0.96

03:02:11.000 Oh yeah, they make crazy sounds. 0.58

03:02:12.000 But I don't think they, they think they took that into account and this is different.

03:02:16.000 This, they don't know what it is and they never found it again.

03:02:18.000 But whatever this thing is, it sounded biological.

03:02:22.000 Oh God.

03:02:23.000 Like it was a biological sound.

03:02:24.000 It wasn't a geological sound.

03:02:26.000 It wasn't like a sound the earth makes or, you know, a little underwater earthquake.

03:02:29.000 There's something about the sound that they determined it to be biological.

03:02:34.000 Which is like, what?

03:02:35.000 What are you talking about? 0.99

03:02:36.000 Is there fucking Godzilla down there? 0.99

03:02:37.000 Just now finding out about this? 0.99

03:02:39.000 Something called the Bloop?

03:02:40.000 Yeah, that's it.

03:02:41.000 That's it.

03:02:41.000 Doesn't sound very scary.

03:02:42.000 What is it?

03:02:43.000 19 what?

03:02:43.000 1997. We'll put up the details of it so I can read it.

03:02:46.000 Do you have an article on it?

03:02:48.000 I'm just making sure it was written.

03:02:49.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:02:49.000 I don't know what this sound was, they don't know what the fuck it was. 0.99

03:02:52.000 And 1997, National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration recorded a mysterious underwater sound that lasted for one minute and was detected by hydrophones 5,000 miles apart. 0.93

03:03:05.000 The sound was named the Bloop and came from a location off the coast of Chile.

03:03:09.000 The Bloop captured people's imagination and led to theories about what it could be, such as the call of a dinosaur, an undiscovered sea creature, or a giant squid.

03:03:17.000 In 2005, NOAA scientists discovered that sound was actually caused by an iceberg breaking away from the Atlantic Glacier. 0.99

03:03:26.000 What the fuck, dude? 0.98

03:03:27.000 I didn't even know. 1.00

03:03:28.000 So they solved it. 1.00

03:03:30.000 I was hoping it was a fucking monster. 1.00

03:03:32.000 That was the only one? 1.00

03:03:33.000 There wasn't one?

03:03:34.000 So that's what it was.

03:03:35.000 So it was probably one of those things where they had talked about it for so long that it stuck in my head that it was a biological thing.

03:03:40.000 I still have hope.

03:03:41.000 I just found an article in 2017 talking about it where they said they don't know what it was.

03:03:45.000 Oh, okay.

03:03:46.000 So this is someone trying to cover up for Godzilla.

03:03:49.000 That's what that is. 1.00

03:03:50.000 That's some state-sponsored CNN-type bullshit where they're trying to cover up for the fact there's a goddamn bloop. 0.99

03:03:55.000 You were reading the AI overview, so maybe it made up the answer. 1.00

03:03:58.000 Oh, AI, you piece of shit. 1.00

03:03:59.000 You fucking lied. 1.00

03:04:00.000 That's probably what it is. 1.00

03:04:01.000 You know, AI lies.

03:04:02.000 What?

03:04:03.000 Yeah, it's a thing called hallucinations.

03:04:04.000 If AI does not have an answer to something, it will come up with an answer.

03:04:08.000 And then that could be searched from the web, right?

03:04:11.000 So it could be some blog somewhere where some guy made up something about it was an iceberg that caused that sound.

03:04:16.000 And AI will spit that back out. 0.99

03:04:18.000 It's a thing that AI does when it doesn't know the answer to something.

03:04:22.000 Apparently, they call it hallucinations.

03:04:23.000 This is coming from AI scientists who told me this.

03:04:25.000 I don't want AI to have hallucinations.

03:04:27.000 They don't even know how it works, dude.

03:04:29.000 They don't even know exactly why it's doing what it's doing.

03:04:31.000 They don't know how it's being creative.

03:04:36.000 What?

03:04:37.000 Why don't you see those things, too, about some of these robots?

03:04:39.000 What was that thing?

03:04:40.000 It was like...

03:04:40.000 I don't know.

03:04:43.000 Having them have feelings or any sort of...

03:04:46.000 They're not gonna have feelings.

03:04:47.000 That's even scarier.

03:04:48.000 They're gonna be able to think really clearly, without any emotions, no remorse, no morals, no ethics, no worrying if people like them, no reading the comments. 0.99

03:04:57.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

03:05:00.000 They're fucking robots, man. 1.00

03:05:02.000 That's my fear about aliens. 1.00

03:05:04.000 My fear is that that's what aliens are.

03:05:07.000 They've already bypassed the human body and all of our primate systems.

03:05:13.000 Oh, yeah.

03:05:13.000 They've bypassed all that.

03:05:14.000 They're all gone.

03:05:16.000 That's all gone.

03:05:16.000 Do you think they listen to our podcast?

03:05:18.000 Yes, 100%.

03:05:18.000 They're listening right now.

03:05:20.000 They love it.

03:05:20.000 What up, guys?

03:05:21.000 It's fun for them because they don't get to think stupid anymore. 1.00

03:05:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

03:05:24.000 You know, because everything's clear.

03:05:25.000 Right.

03:05:25.000 It's like, you know, it's like you want a little bit of chaos and they don't have any chaos left.

03:05:29.000 I think that's why they visit us.

03:05:31.000 That's why, like in my special, I said that I think aliens look at us the same way we look at Waffle House fights.

03:05:35.000 Yeah.

03:05:37.000 Oh, yeah, that's right, dude. 0.99

03:05:38.000 He's just like, what the fuck is going on over here? 0.98

03:05:40.000 What if the aliens love Danny DeVito? 0.99

03:05:42.000 What if their favorite actor is like...

03:05:44.000 They love Despicable Me.

03:05:45.000 They like Gru.

03:05:46.000 Yeah, they love him.

03:05:47.000 We love Gru.

03:05:48.000 Yeah, maybe that's it. 0.98

03:05:50.000 I mean, who fucking knows? 1.00

03:05:52.000 But if these lying AI cocksuckers... 1.00

03:05:55.000 Do we find out about that 2017 thing? 0.98

03:05:57.000 Yeah, I found another thing in 2024. I said the same thing about the iceberg.

03:06:00.000 Okay.

03:06:00.000 So it might be real.

03:06:01.000 Might have just been an article.

03:06:02.000 They were putting it in the headlines.

03:06:03.000 People would watch their video.

03:06:05.000 Oh, right.

03:06:06.000 Probably.

03:06:07.000 And what year was it when they recorded that sound?

03:06:09.000 It was recorded in 97. Yeah.

03:06:11.000 See, anything back in those days, you barely had the internet in 97. Yeah.

03:06:18.000 I don't know facts together.

03:06:19.000 How do you know what you're talking about?

03:06:20.000 Yeah.

03:06:21.000 Anything pre-internet, I don't believe you.

03:06:23.000 It could be a biological sound.

03:06:25.000 It could be a dude that just ends into dinosaurs.

03:06:27.000 Sure. 0.99

03:06:27.000 But there's probably some shit down there we haven't discovered. 0.99

03:06:30.000 I think so. 0.99

03:06:31.000 They always find new fish.

03:06:33.000 There was a bunch that washed ashore during a tsunami. 0.99

03:06:36.000 They were like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

03:06:37.000 Was that in Thailand? 1.00

03:06:38.000 Where there was a gang of them that washed ashore in a tsunami?

03:06:42.000 These undiscovered deep sea creatures. 0.78

03:06:45.000 Crazy, blind things that live in a place where there's absolutely no light.

03:06:48.000 They can pop up and show up here. 0.95

03:06:50.000 I don't think we need to go down and try to find them.

03:06:52.000 Yeah, wait for our storm.

03:06:53.000 Yeah, wait for the storm to come through, man.

03:06:55.000 Don't go down there.

03:06:55.000 Don't wash up.

03:06:57.000 That was in Oregon. 1.00

03:06:58.000 Look at that fucking thing. 1.00

03:06:59.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

03:07:00.000 I'm going out of my way to find that. 1.00

03:07:02.000 Fuck off. 1.00

03:07:03.000 That's some kind of an anglerfish. 1.00

03:07:05.000 Oh my god.

03:07:06.000 Which is one of the craziest inventions in nature.

03:07:09.000 That nature invented a fish that has a fishing rod off of its nose.

03:07:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:07:13.000 Like, how does that even happen? 1.00

03:07:14.000 Look at that fucking thing. 1.00

03:07:15.000 Is that real? 1.00

03:07:16.000 Come on, that can't be real.

03:07:18.000 Oh my god.

03:07:18.000 Is that real?

03:07:19.000 Well, I know this one above it is not, but I don't know what the fuck that is. 1.00

03:07:22.000 See, the thing is with AI, man, you could think something's real and they just fuck with you. 0.99

03:07:27.000 And this is in the New York Post? 0.99

03:07:29.000 They might have got them.

03:07:29.000 2017. Jesus.

03:07:31.000 We'll go pre-AI. But wait a minute.

03:07:33.000 They probably did a sample of that thing. 0.88

03:07:35.000 What is it?

03:07:37.000 Let's find out what it is.

03:07:38.000 I bet they figured it out.

03:07:40.000 Look at it.

03:07:42.000 Hmm.

03:07:42.000 Could be a fang-tooth snake eel or garden or conjure eel.

03:07:48.000 All three species occur off Texas and have large fang-like teeth.

03:07:51.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

03:07:52.000 Imagine if we lived in the ocean.

03:07:54.000 Show me the picture of that again.

03:07:55.000 Imagine if we lived in the ocean.

03:07:57.000 You gotta deal with that.

03:07:58.000 I'm surprised Pixar, they did Finding Nemo, but they should do something that's highlighting all these lost creatures.

03:08:04.000 There's gotta be an underwater lost city where you can see the...

03:08:07.000 Yeah, mermaids versus monsters.

03:08:09.000 They should.

03:08:09.000 Why don't they do that?

03:08:11.000 Fang-toothed snake. 1.00

03:08:12.000 Jesus, look at that fucking thing. 1.00

03:08:14.000 Mermaids aren't real, right? 1.00

03:08:15.000 I hope so.

03:08:17.000 I hope they're real.

03:08:18.000 I know, me too. 1.00

03:08:19.000 It's one of those things where I'm like, I don't fuck, like, who the fuck knows, dude? 1.00

03:08:22.000 But isn't it like the ultimate trap? 1.00

03:08:23.000 Probably not, but... 1.00

03:08:23.000 A beautiful girl, and she has no vagina. 1.00

03:08:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:08:26.000 She's just fish. 1.00

03:08:28.000 She's a fish. 1.00

03:08:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:08:28.000 Like, fish don't have sex. 1.00

03:08:30.000 What are you supposed to do there? 0.93

03:08:30.000 The part where you have sex with doesn't exist. 0.93

03:08:32.000 It's all just...

03:08:33.000 Yeah.

03:08:33.000 Fish lay their eggs.

03:08:34.000 So how are you going to lure any guy into the ocean?

03:08:35.000 You ever seen how old fish breed?

03:08:38.000 The female lays their eggs, and the guys just jizz all over it. 0.99

03:08:41.000 We used to catch rainbow trout when I lived in Boston, and we'd go to this lake and catch rainbows, and they would be jizzing when you pull them out of the lake.

03:08:50.000 Because it would be the time where they're spawning, and they're making baits.

03:08:54.000 And you're allowed to fish for them, at least back then you were.

03:08:57.000 And you're pulling them out as they're jizzing.

03:08:59.000 As you're holding it, you're like...

03:09:00.000 There's nutting all over the place, trying to get their last loads out before you fillet them.

03:09:06.000 Wouldn't you? 0.99

03:09:08.000 If a bear's about to eat you, wouldn't you just try to fucking empty the tank? 0.98

03:09:10.000 Well, I guess no one's probably ever touched him before. 0.98

03:09:12.000 It's probably really exciting.

03:09:13.000 There you go.

03:09:14.000 It's the first time to go around.

03:09:15.000 Oh my god.

03:09:15.000 Like, imagine you just, like, blue-balled all day long.

03:09:18.000 You're so blue-balled that you just jizz in the ocean. 1.00

03:09:21.000 Yeah. 0.74

03:09:21.000 On the floor. 0.74

03:09:22.000 Yeah.

03:09:22.000 All they have to do is run a finger by you, and you're like...

03:09:24.000 A gust of wind.

03:09:27.000 You know?

03:09:28.000 Have you ever seen where your dog is humping a leg?

03:09:31.000 Oh, yeah.

03:09:31.000 And the dog is just like, they start humping the air.

03:09:34.000 Yeah, dude.

03:09:35.000 They're committed.

03:09:35.000 Now imagine a fish.

03:09:36.000 You grab them right when they're in that peak.

03:09:38.000 In the perfect spot.

03:09:39.000 Peak rut.

03:09:40.000 Just squirt all over the place. 1.00

03:09:43.000 Have you ever seen a fish do that?

03:09:44.000 No.

03:09:44.000 Yeah, with rainbow trout, they would do it all the time.

03:09:47.000 We'd catch them, they'd be jizzing.

03:09:48.000 Good for them.

03:09:49.000 What a life.

03:09:50.000 It's a bad death, though. 0.99

03:09:52.000 Come and then die? 1.00

03:09:53.000 You failed. 1.00

03:09:54.000 Yeah.

03:09:54.000 You failed.

03:09:55.000 Yeah.

03:09:55.000 You jizzed all over the inside of a boat.

03:09:56.000 The opposite of what you're supposed to do.

03:09:58.000 Not good.

03:09:59.000 Not good.

03:10:00.000 But, yeah, so if that is a mermaid, like, what the hell?

03:10:03.000 What are you saying?

03:10:04.000 That's why the Little Mermaid, I mean, she only... 1.00

03:10:06.000 Eric was only into her because she came out of the water and had some human features.

03:10:11.000 Exactly.

03:10:12.000 And lost her voice. 1.00

03:10:13.000 Like, what the fuck are you? 1.00

03:10:14.000 Maybe that's why he was into her. 1.00

03:10:15.000 He was like, dude, I've been dating all these... 1.00

03:10:16.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

03:10:18.000 These girls that just talk too much, and then he's like, wow, I met a girl that just doesn't even want to... 1.00

03:10:21.000 Super hot, can't talk, but if she does talk, you can't have sex with her because she doesn't have a vagina anymore. 1.00

03:10:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

03:10:26.000 Take your pick. 1.00

03:10:29.000 Honey, you gotta use sign language.

03:10:32.000 Wow.

03:10:33.000 Alright, Adam Ray, let's wrap this up.

03:10:35.000 John, I appreciate you.

03:10:35.000 Tell everybody, my pleasure.

03:10:36.000 I appreciate you too.

03:10:37.000 One more time, the name of the documentary.

03:10:39.000 The name of the documentary is called Doug.

03:10:40.000 It's on my YouTube channel where you get all the Dr. Phil Live specials.

03:10:43.000 Dr. Phil Live Tour, it's all adamraycomedy.com.

03:10:46.000 We've got October 25th in Philly, October 26th in D.C., the Beacon Theater.

03:10:50.000 Go ahead.

03:10:51.000 In November 15th.

03:10:52.000 Celebrity Theater, December 6th.

03:10:54.000 San Diego Civic Theater, December 7th.

03:10:56.000 All that at AdamRayComedy.com.

03:10:57.000 My special is like and subscribe.

03:10:59.000 It's on YouTube, on my YouTube channel, dot com slash AdamRayComedy.

03:11:03.000 And then all my tour dates at AdamRayComedy.com.

03:11:05.000 Got Columbus Funny Bone coming up.

03:11:07.000 The Buckhead Theater in Atlanta.

03:11:08.000 Pittsburgh Improv this weekend, if this is out in time.

03:11:12.000 Hilarity's in Cleveland.

03:11:14.000 All at AdamRayComedy.com.

03:11:16.000 Website.

03:11:16.000 AdamRayComedy.com.

03:11:17.000 Okay.

03:11:17.000 And one more time, Dr. Phil's book.

03:11:19.000 Dr. Phil...

03:11:20.000 We've got issues.

03:11:21.000 We've got issues.

03:11:22.000 We've all got issues, but we've all got solutions, okay? 1.00

03:11:25.000 You could fuck a mermaid with your eyes closed, but does that mean you're going to make it in time for breakfast? 0.99

03:11:30.000 This is what Dr. Phil's going to use to say you can't be him anymore. 1.00

03:11:34.000 He's going to say, that's enough, you son of a bitch. 1.00

03:11:36.000 I would never say that. 1.00

03:11:38.000 What did you do to my reputation, you son of a bitch? 1.00

03:11:41.000 All right, thanks, brother. 1.00

03:11:42.000 I appreciate you.

03:11:43.000 All right, bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - August 14, 2024

Joe Rogan Experience #2188 - Adam Ray

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Summary

Transcript