The Joe Rogan Experience - September 24, 2024


Joe Rogan Experience #2205 - Legion of Skanks


Episode Stats

Length

3 hours and 6 minutes

Words per Minute

208.89801

Word Count

39,050

Sentence Count

3,715

Misogynist Sentences

202


Summary

In this episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, Joe talks about getting lost in the middle of the night in a blizzard in Austin, Texas, and how he and his friends managed to get back to civilization in time to make it to the other side. Joe also talks about the time he got stuck in the snow on a plane and the hero pilot who was able to get it back to the ground and make it through the worst weather in the history of the airline industry. Joe is a comedian, actor, writer, and podcaster from Los Angeles, California. He's been in the entertainment industry for a long time and is a great friend of mine. I really enjoyed this episode and I hope you do too! Joe's not a hero, he's just a guy who does his job and does it the best he can. Thank you for listening and supporting the pod, Joe. I appreciate it greatly. -Jon Sorrentino and the crew at Ground Zero, the podcast that makes it possible for us to do what we do. Thank you so much for making this podcast possible. We appreciate you, we really appreciate you. -Jon and the team at GroundZero, thank you for being a rockstar in this episode, and we look forward to seeing you in the next one! -JOE ROGAN PODCAST, THE JOKER Experience, by day, by night, all day, and all day! Joe Rogans Podcast by night! -Jon Rogan - Jon Rogan Podcast by day - by night Check it out! Jon talks about his life, the weather, and what it's like in the cold, the snow, and the weirdest things he's done in the winter, and why he loves it, and his thoughts on life, and much more! -Joes podcast by night - by day... , by night. Jon s podcast by day! - by night... by night? Joes podcast by day all day. , all day Joes Podcast All day, Joes By night, by the whole day, all night, and by night Joes by night!! - Joes' podcast? - all day - the whole thing? , Joes is Joes Pod by day and night! by the night - by nite joes pod .


Transcript

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.
00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!
00:00:12.000 Alright, bro.
00:00:13.000 Boys, good to see you.
00:00:14.000 What's happening?
00:00:15.000 What's up, Joe?
00:00:16.000 Um, you have a little adventure coming over here.
00:00:18.000 We did.
00:00:19.000 Got a little lost.
00:00:19.000 We just stopped sweating.
00:00:21.000 This one- Did Hooper dropped off at the wrong spot?
00:00:23.000 This one might be on me.
00:00:24.000 No, no.
00:00:24.000 About halfway- Hooper dropped us off at the completely right spot in his mind.
00:00:28.000 And the amount that I cursed him because we thought it was the wrong spot, I mean...
00:00:32.000 That's on me.
00:00:33.000 That's on me because I should have got you guys the car service.
00:00:35.000 We have the car service.
00:00:36.000 It takes guys all...
00:00:38.000 I figured you guys were already here.
00:00:40.000 You had transportation.
00:00:40.000 What was funny was when we were at about, I don't know, three quarters into our three quarter mile walk here...
00:00:48.000 You sent somebody over to come get us, and he pulled up in a car, and he goes, you guys are for Joe, right?
00:00:54.000 And we said, yeah, and he goes, follow me, and then just drove away in the car.
00:00:58.000 No way!
00:00:59.000 You know what?
00:01:00.000 You were too sweaty.
00:01:01.000 Yeah, that's what it was.
00:01:02.000 We just had his shirt off still.
00:01:03.000 You could see him glistening.
00:01:17.000 I was in Utah where it was like 50 degrees and I came right here to Austin.
00:01:22.000 It was like 98 when I got out of the car.
00:01:23.000 I was like yo, I forgot!
00:01:25.000 Summer doesn't end in Texas.
00:01:28.000 It lasts a long time, but it does get winter here.
00:01:31.000 And it's hilarious when the Austin people don't know what the fuck to do and it snows out.
00:01:37.000 There's no infrastructure at all.
00:01:38.000 I got stuck in Houston for maybe four or five days because they had, I mean, I want to say a light flurry, and there's a little bit of ice, but Texas doesn't have, like, you know, trucks.
00:01:47.000 No plows.
00:01:49.000 When we had the big freeze the first year I moved here, they did nothing.
00:01:52.000 They did nothing.
00:01:53.000 They just let it thaw.
00:01:56.000 I was the one flight that was able to get out one time to go to Dallas For a gig and they had like it was three inches of snow But the whole place shuts down and the thank God because the car that picked me up to drive me to the hotel that night If there was other cars in the road dude,
00:02:11.000 it would have been ping-ponging Every time he stopped the car would like turn sideways complete Because there was nobody else in the road so it didn't really matter Tell me the sketchiest feeling is not when you're in, like, Edmonton or some shit, and they have to spray that stuff on the wings.
00:02:26.000 Oh, yeah, de-icer.
00:02:27.000 The de-icer on the wings.
00:02:28.000 Oh, yeah.
00:02:28.000 You're like, yo, like, there's a real...
00:02:30.000 Because it's kind of a misty, freezing rain thing going on.
00:02:35.000 You're like, there's a real possibility, like, you know, fucking one in a thousand, one in a hundred thousand chance that those fucking things aren't going to go up.
00:02:45.000 Because they're frozen stuck, so they have to spray it.
00:02:47.000 And what would happen if those things didn't go up?
00:02:49.000 You're fucked!
00:02:49.000 Is that it?
00:02:50.000 There's no control of the plane!
00:02:51.000 I just don't...
00:02:52.000 I don't want to know anything.
00:02:53.000 I'm like, they gotta back up for that.
00:02:54.000 That's my thing.
00:02:55.000 I always...
00:02:55.000 I remember talking to...
00:02:56.000 I think it was Ben Bailey years ago, and I was like, you know, it's so funny.
00:02:59.000 The more I fly, the more I'm afraid of flying somehow.
00:03:02.000 I go, but I have to just assume...
00:03:04.000 Planes are designed that, like, if all fails, like, they're designed to kind of be able to be glided to safety.
00:03:10.000 You should look into that.
00:03:11.000 And he was like, no, if you lose all the engines, he goes, no, if you lose all the engines, it nosedives directly to the ground.
00:03:15.000 Well, that's why it was such a big deal, the miracle on the Hudson.
00:03:17.000 It was a miracle that the guy was able to land the plane when the engines went out, right?
00:03:21.000 And that's because that guy was, like, a real serious pilot.
00:03:24.000 Yeah.
00:03:24.000 That guy really knew how to fucking fly a plane.
00:03:26.000 I love the argument he's not a hero.
00:03:28.000 I love the argument that he's not.
00:03:29.000 It always makes me laugh.
00:03:30.000 They're like, he did his job.
00:03:31.000 He goes...
00:03:33.000 Sure.
00:03:33.000 Listen, if he was a trans woman from a third world country, he'd be the greatest hero of all time.
00:03:42.000 I remember when it landed, I was rooting for him to be drunk.
00:03:46.000 Like, I just wanted him to come out and be like, I fucking did it!
00:03:49.000 On coke.
00:03:50.000 I also wish there was, like, a drag queen that would do something heroic so everyone's gotta, like, praise the things of, like, you know, like, cunt lips, thunder tits.
00:03:59.000 They always got stupid names.
00:04:01.000 How weird is it that it's an argument whether or not drag queens should be reading books to kids?
00:04:09.000 What's the upside of that?
00:04:12.000 Whose idea was this?
00:04:15.000 Can we talk to the first person who came up with this idea?
00:04:18.000 You know what kids are lacking these days?
00:04:21.000 The most aggressive gays yelling at them.
00:04:24.000 Sit and listen to the story, honey.
00:04:27.000 At the very least, I've met some very nice drag queens, but at the very least, it's an odd choice that might be one that someone's out of their fucking mind chooses.
00:04:36.000 It's a possibility, right?
00:04:38.000 It's not zero.
00:04:39.000 Absolutely.
00:04:39.000 Well, I went to one...
00:04:40.000 It's almost like a...
00:04:43.000 We actually did a sketch.
00:04:44.000 We did a thing called Legion of Sketch where we performed dirty comedy to kids in a library, and that was the whole point, is that we were like, you know...
00:04:52.000 It's an adult job.
00:04:54.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:04:54.000 It's not meant for little kids.
00:04:55.000 So somebody wearing makeup, and even though it's not inherently sexual, what they're doing in that moment, it's like their whole thing is meant for a nightclub for adults.
00:05:03.000 Well, the people who defend it, they always go, I don't know, have you ever been to one?
00:05:07.000 Like, it's just a guy in a dress reading a story.
00:05:09.000 It doesn't have to be weird.
00:05:11.000 But then you're like, you know what would be even less weird?
00:05:12.000 Is a guy not in a dress reading a story.
00:05:15.000 Or just a teacher.
00:05:16.000 Yeah, just like whoever the person happens today.
00:05:18.000 So I guess the argument for it would be, this is what makes these people happy.
00:05:22.000 We should normalize the fact that they want to dress up like very flamboyant women.
00:05:27.000 We should normalize.
00:05:28.000 That's the...
00:05:29.000 If you're doing porn make people happy, you shouldn't have porn stars reading books to kids either.
00:05:33.000 Right, but if you wanted to take the other side's position, like what would you say?
00:05:37.000 You would say, hey, this is fine to do that.
00:05:39.000 It's fine to do that.
00:05:41.000 But...
00:05:42.000 It's still a biological man who's dressed up like a woman who's reading things to kids.
00:05:48.000 It's like the odds of this being 100% really rational, fascinating person that's going to read books to your kid or someone who's out of their fucking mind.
00:05:58.000 It's not like a 0% thing.
00:06:00.000 It's like something you should be kind of concerned about.
00:06:02.000 If it was a stripper reading books to a kid...
00:06:05.000 Or an ex-convict!
00:06:06.000 Yeah, you would just go like, yeah, it's just not like...
00:06:08.000 The whole thing that's interesting about it is you take this fish out of water, and I just don't think you should be experimenting with kids.
00:06:13.000 How about guys on parole for violent crimes?
00:06:16.000 How about have them read to kids?
00:06:18.000 They give them puppies now.
00:06:19.000 How about corrupt politicians?
00:06:21.000 Have them read to kids.
00:06:23.000 That I object to the most.
00:06:25.000 How about CEOs have been arrested for embezzlement?
00:06:27.000 How about them reading to kids?
00:06:28.000 How about all kinds of, like, maybe cool, maybe cool, but maybe super fucking sketchy people reading stories to kids?
00:06:36.000 You know, there's a lot we could go with a lot of them.
00:06:38.000 It's reading time with Dashaun.
00:06:39.000 M-m-m-m-m-mary.
00:06:42.000 People convicted of violent assault, but they wouldn't do it again.
00:06:45.000 It was a bad move.
00:06:46.000 I was on one of those apps to hire a babysitter recently, and it's a very weird thing.
00:06:53.000 I'd never done it before, and it's almost like a dating app.
00:06:57.000 You're swiping left and right, but it's on for babysitters for your kids.
00:07:01.000 And I will say...
00:07:02.000 And I'm on the Legion of Skanks.
00:07:04.000 I'm a comedian.
00:07:04.000 I hang out in a pretty seedy world.
00:07:06.000 But it is amazing how judgmental you get when you're just judging a person off their face over whether they're gonna watch your kids.
00:07:13.000 Oh, yeah.
00:07:14.000 Nose ring.
00:07:15.000 You'll never be more racist.
00:07:18.000 Tattoos on the face is a no-go.
00:07:20.000 It's not like being an MMA fighter.
00:07:22.000 Yeah.
00:07:23.000 It's like, you might be cool, you might be a cool person, but...
00:07:26.000 Sugar Sean O'Malley can pull it off, Post Malone can pull it off, but not the fucking babysitter.
00:07:30.000 I'm considering getting a tattoo on my face at Skankfest.
00:07:33.000 Like, how about if there was...
00:07:34.000 That's a good idea.
00:07:35.000 How about if there was guys with tattoos on their faces that wanted to read stories to kids?
00:07:39.000 Would that be cool?
00:07:40.000 Who would be cool with that?
00:07:41.000 If it was Post Malone, you'd be like, of course!
00:07:45.000 He's so cool!
00:07:46.000 Let him read the stories to kids.
00:07:48.000 That'd be really fun.
00:07:49.000 Would you be weirded out if your kids had a face tattoo teacher at all?
00:07:52.000 Yeah, I'd be weirded out.
00:07:54.000 I would not like that.
00:07:55.000 Listen, Jelly Roll is the coolest motherfucker alive.
00:07:58.000 He's got face tattoos.
00:07:59.000 There's a lot of people that do them and wish they didn't do them or do them and are happy with them and like them.
00:08:05.000 It's cool, but the possibility of you being out of your fucking mind is in there.
00:08:11.000 No, no, absolutely.
00:08:12.000 But also, I just mean, also just for the idea that, like, I'm not, like, even like I said, I don't think a teacher with face tattoos might be the best teacher, like, in the world.
00:08:21.000 I just think it's like, as a parent, you'd walk in and be like, is this motherfuckers to you?
00:08:24.000 It's possible that they could be, though.
00:08:26.000 They might be the best teacher in history.
00:08:27.000 They have to be so good in spite of it.
00:08:29.000 They have to go so far above and beyond.
00:08:32.000 If someone with a face tattoo is an excellent teacher, then let them teach.
00:08:36.000 Inmates.
00:08:37.000 But stay away from my children.
00:08:39.000 I don't have time for this.
00:08:41.000 Isn't it funny we have no problem with sleeves?
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00:09:45.000 Like, if my kid's teacher had a sleeve, I'd be like, oh, the teacher's cool.
00:09:48.000 But I think 30 years ago, they probably did.
00:09:49.000 If you showed up as a teacher 30 years ago, people are like, what the fuck?
00:09:52.000 What the fuck is this guy doing?
00:09:53.000 Okay, biker Bob, get the fuck out of my classroom.
00:09:55.000 Now it is a sign of cool.
00:09:56.000 If you see someone with a button-down shirt, and this part of the arm you see is completely done, you're like, alright.
00:10:00.000 I'm a quiet cool guy.
00:10:02.000 I think there's probably conservative America would still feel a little weird about somebody with a sleeve teaching their little girl in kindergarten.
00:10:08.000 As a representative of conservative America here.
00:10:10.000 I will say, I was at my daughter's t-ball game, and there was one of the moms, pregnant, and one of her kids is in the t-ball game, and she's in shorts and just has two leg sleeve tattoos.
00:10:22.000 Now, no judgment.
00:10:24.000 It was fine.
00:10:25.000 But there was something where I was like, it's just a little odd.
00:10:28.000 Let's go, champ.
00:10:29.000 That's our generation.
00:10:30.000 Let's go, champ.
00:10:31.000 I'm judging the town for letting a girl play t-ball.
00:10:33.000 Yeah, that's crazy.
00:10:34.000 Ah!
00:10:34.000 It is.
00:10:35.000 It's dangerous.
00:10:36.000 I'm judging you for coming out as conservative.
00:10:38.000 I now, Joe, this is my new grift.
00:10:42.000 I am now Mr. Conservative.
00:10:43.000 We gotta get Trump elected.
00:10:44.000 You've given up on this libertarian stuff.
00:10:46.000 There's no money in it.
00:10:47.000 I figured out.
00:10:48.000 There's definitely no money in it, but that's why they let it exist.
00:10:51.000 You know, if there was another legitimate party that was actually challenging to the Democrats and the Republicans, they would attack it.
00:10:57.000 They don't say a peep about the Libertarians.
00:10:59.000 Those are, in their eyes, the Libertarians are just vote stealers from the Republicans.
00:11:03.000 Yeah, they were mad when Trump came this year.
00:11:05.000 But aside from that, they don't really, they don't see us as a threat.
00:11:08.000 Yeah, no political party gets mad at the Libertarians.
00:11:12.000 They're fucking furious at the Republicans.
00:11:14.000 The Republicans are furious at the Democrats.
00:11:17.000 Nobody gives a fuck what the Libertarians say.
00:11:19.000 Including me, I agree, man.
00:11:21.000 Dave speaking at the thing was the funniest when he goes, Donald Trump's gonna come up here, and we're gonna show him that we know how to act and behave, and because we are the right party, and he went up there right away, and he was like, fuck you, you fucking I got off stage and I passed by Angela McArdle,
00:11:38.000 who's the chair of the Libertarian Party, and I walked right by her and I went, 0% chance they listen.
00:11:44.000 Now let's go watch the shit show because this is going to be ridiculous.
00:11:47.000 So how much of a shit show was it?
00:11:49.000 Oh, it was awful.
00:11:51.000 I only watched a little bit of it.
00:11:54.000 They kicked me out of backstage, because it's like a Secret Service checkpoint thing or whatever, because they're real on top of that.
00:12:01.000 Not so big on people with rifles on buildings, but they got me out of there.
00:12:06.000 And so I go out, and I come back around in the main room, and I walk into the middle of just all the people.
00:12:12.000 And one of them, at one point Trump goes, he goes, I fired Comey.
00:12:18.000 And one of the libertarians goes, because he was on to you.
00:12:22.000 And I just turned to him and I went, that's not even the right heckle.
00:12:26.000 And then the guy goes, oh, what's the right heckle?
00:12:30.000 I was like, I can't give it to you right now.
00:12:32.000 It was a wild scene.
00:12:33.000 The Comey thing was, they were alleging, first of all, that the Clinton campaign was spying on the Trump campaign, right?
00:12:43.000 Yeah, it was after that.
00:12:45.000 He was trying to blackmail him, and fucking Trump caught on to that.
00:12:48.000 Really?
00:12:49.000 So he fired him.
00:12:49.000 Yeah, for sure.
00:12:51.000 Yeah.
00:12:51.000 For sure?
00:12:53.000 Yeah.
00:12:53.000 No.
00:12:54.000 How do you know?
00:12:55.000 So, okay, so if...
00:12:56.000 Oh, here we go, guys.
00:12:58.000 Here we go.
00:12:58.000 So, you know how, like, uh...
00:13:00.000 You know, we yelled at Kurt about this.
00:13:02.000 He came in and he goes, P. Diddy definitely fucked everybody and did this and raped everyone.
00:13:08.000 And then we're like, well, how do you know?
00:13:09.000 He's like, ugh, I read.
00:13:12.000 It doesn't really mean anything.
00:13:14.000 You're always reading somebody else's numbers.
00:13:16.000 But that's what you can do in comedy is that is enough to checkmate most comedians.
00:13:21.000 He does read.
00:13:23.000 Alright.
00:13:24.000 Yeah.
00:13:25.000 Well, it's also just a funny thing to say.
00:13:27.000 Because you could also be admitting the ridiculousness of it yourself while saying, I read.
00:13:33.000 You know, because it's kind of an admission.
00:13:35.000 Like, I'm not there.
00:13:36.000 I didn't go to the freakoff.
00:13:37.000 I don't know what the fuck happened.
00:13:38.000 I went to one of these parties, and man, P. Diddy was like, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go fuck Meek Mill in the butt.
00:13:44.000 But, like, that's never going to happen.
00:13:46.000 No one comes out and says that.
00:13:47.000 So if you're looking at that...
00:13:50.000 What makes you conclude that he definitely was doing that?
00:13:55.000 Because he basically, the first time they ever met, he presented him with the Steele dossier, which had all of the, like, dirt.
00:14:03.000 That's the peepee stuff, right?
00:14:04.000 Yeah, all the peepee shit in it.
00:14:05.000 Or I shouldn't say shit.
00:14:06.000 There was no shit alleged.
00:14:07.000 Just piss.
00:14:08.000 Russian piss.
00:14:10.000 Yes.
00:14:11.000 Alleged Russian piss.
00:14:14.000 That's the aspect Jay wants to make sure.
00:14:16.000 Is that what collusion means?
00:14:19.000 Something like that.
00:14:21.000 They just play so dirty.
00:14:23.000 They play dirty like a movie.
00:14:26.000 It's pretty crazy.
00:14:29.000 It's really wild.
00:14:31.000 That was the number one fear of having these big agencies have so much power that they would never want to relinquish it.
00:14:38.000 They would never want to say, like, hey, look, we're patriots.
00:14:41.000 I think we should follow by the rule of the Constitution and let the people decide.
00:14:46.000 It's like everything else, man.
00:14:47.000 Once you start running shit, you don't want to stop.
00:14:50.000 I've seen friends of mine have way less power go to their head.
00:14:53.000 It's weird, right?
00:14:54.000 I wouldn't trust these two with power.
00:14:56.000 But it is a weird thing to watch, right?
00:14:58.000 Yes.
00:14:59.000 It's bizarre.
00:15:01.000 That's human beings, though, man.
00:15:02.000 Now, imagine that, but with no showbiz.
00:15:05.000 No showbiz.
00:15:06.000 So you get in that rush, but now the rush is controlling the world.
00:15:11.000 Yeah, it's like the way we feel about, like, crushing on stage is the way Hillary Clinton feels about crushing Libya.
00:15:17.000 We came, we saw, he died!
00:15:19.000 I fucking crushed!
00:15:21.000 Wasn't that L. Ron Hubbard, though?
00:15:22.000 L. Ron Hubbard was like, hey, this will be funny.
00:15:24.000 I'll start this and go into this, start a religion.
00:15:27.000 And then, like, years later, he said when his friends he told that to hit him up like, this is crazy, dude, you did it.
00:15:32.000 He's like, you know, you ran that scam.
00:15:35.000 And he's like, scam?
00:15:36.000 You better get your Thetan's levels checked if you're gonna say it.
00:15:38.000 He just started eating his own shit, because, like, uh...
00:15:41.000 Well, he was...
00:15:43.000 Do you know that he's the most prolific writer in human history?
00:15:46.000 Sci-fi was, yeah.
00:15:47.000 More fiction than any other human being ever.
00:15:50.000 More than Stephen King?
00:15:51.000 More than anybody.
00:15:52.000 And one Bible.
00:15:53.000 Dude, more than anybody.
00:15:53.000 And not a second draft amongst them.
00:15:57.000 Everything he wrote was nonsense.
00:16:00.000 Everything he wrote was hot nonsense.
00:16:02.000 If you read it, it's like the dumbest stories.
00:16:06.000 Do you remember the Dianetics commercials?
00:16:08.000 Do you remember the commercials with the volcano, like the lava was going on, and it just gave you like...
00:16:13.000 Like the most generalized things anyone feels, he goes, are you sometimes tired and sometimes awake?
00:16:20.000 You did it before, right, Lewis, when they had to test some time-square people?
00:16:23.000 It was just kind of cool.
00:16:25.000 I was like a dumb kid, so they were like, hey, do you want us to test your stress levels?
00:16:28.000 I was like, boy, do I! And I went over and I held these dumb things, and they're like, yup!
00:16:33.000 The words that go like that?
00:16:34.000 Yeah, they're like, you're stressed.
00:16:34.000 And I was like, I am, right?
00:16:35.000 They're like, come on inside.
00:16:37.000 They brought me into this weird thing.
00:16:38.000 They tried to sell me a book.
00:16:39.000 I don't really remember.
00:16:40.000 I did that, too.
00:16:41.000 And I did that in San Diego.
00:16:42.000 I was down there filming something, and we were in the park.
00:16:45.000 And it was at a time where a lot of people didn't know who I am, and I could sneak in.
00:16:49.000 And I sat down at this guy's table, and he gave me the e-meter, and I put my hands in the things, and he told me what it was reading.
00:16:55.000 I'm like, how does this thing function?
00:16:57.000 What is it reading off my body?
00:16:58.000 And the dude was like, ugh.
00:17:00.000 I don't want to explain.
00:17:00.000 He didn't want to really be there.
00:17:01.000 He's just a member who got roped into doing this thing.
00:17:04.000 He had zero enthusiasm about the sale.
00:17:06.000 They have the street team job for...
00:17:08.000 It's the lowest level.
00:17:09.000 It's the lowest level job you could have is having to go out and bark people into your church.
00:17:13.000 Have you guys read Lawrence Wright's book about it?
00:17:17.000 I don't think so.
00:17:18.000 It's called Going Clear.
00:17:19.000 Oh, I saw the documentary, the HBO thing.
00:17:22.000 Yeah, the documentary basically tells you all you need to hear.
00:17:26.000 Thank God.
00:17:27.000 It's such a strange religion.
00:17:30.000 But here's the thing about it, man.
00:17:33.000 This is what's weird about religions.
00:17:36.000 I'm a moron, but I occasionally have these moments where I'm like, I think I know what the fuck is going on.
00:17:42.000 If you really believe it, it benefits your life.
00:17:46.000 Even if it's hot nonsense.
00:17:49.000 Even if it's a 14-year-old kid who finds golden tablets that contain the lost work of Jesus and only he can read it because he has a magic rock.
00:17:57.000 But if you get enough of those people, they make great neighbors.
00:18:00.000 Like, it fucking works, man.
00:18:02.000 They just want their kids to go to school.
00:18:03.000 But here's my question.
00:18:04.000 Is it better to be an atheist and to be this person who just, like, objectively looks at the world and, like, none of this makes sense.
00:18:12.000 There's no way there could be a god.
00:18:13.000 I think when you die, you die.
00:18:15.000 And that guy's fucking miserable.
00:18:17.000 That guy's taking medication and all of his friends think he's annoying.
00:18:22.000 I'm a devout atheist, and you're right about all that.
00:18:27.000 You believe in a higher power?
00:18:30.000 No, I don't not believe.
00:18:33.000 That's what my girlfriend says when I ask her.
00:18:35.000 I believe there's more to the universe and more to life than we can think of through our narrow field of perception.
00:18:42.000 That's what I think.
00:18:43.000 I think there's more to human contact and interaction than just people talking to each other.
00:18:47.000 I think there's a thinly veiled reality that we live in where we express our souls to each other.
00:18:54.000 That's what I think.
00:18:55.000 And I think it's a very complicated and confusing thing that's fucked up by lies and deception and violence and war.
00:19:03.000 Well, so many of them, I think.
00:19:04.000 And it's enhanced by friendship and love and communication.
00:19:06.000 And it's weird...
00:19:08.000 There's a thing going on that's beyond just like you're born and you die.
00:19:13.000 And if that thing keeps going when the physical body stops existing, I wouldn't be surprised.
00:19:22.000 I think religion is always the funniest to dial back to, though, because all the organized stuff, you were doing the Joe Smith story, finds the tablets or the plates and everything.
00:19:32.000 Right, right, right.
00:19:32.000 Can that be more of a religion that was like, pitched by a dude to a bunch of dudes?
00:19:38.000 Well, this is a kid.
00:19:39.000 It turns out we could have a whole bunch of chicks and they always have to live next to each other.
00:19:44.000 And you, yeah, fuck one this night and then the other night.
00:19:47.000 It was like racist up until like 30 years ago.
00:19:50.000 They were like black people were like the seed of the devil or whatever.
00:19:52.000 And then they changed it.
00:19:53.000 They were like, no, no, no, they're cool now.
00:19:54.000 You can't be racist when your women are bearded.
00:19:57.000 You ever see sister wives?
00:19:58.000 It's not like you're stoked to have three of them.
00:20:01.000 Yeah, but dude, two fours is an eight.
00:20:03.000 When you know the guy who wrote it, that's when shit gets sketchy.
00:20:07.000 Yeah, there is something about when it's from thousands of years ago.
00:20:11.000 It's easy to go like, look, there was a burning bush and God spoke to this guy.
00:20:15.000 And you're like, when?
00:20:15.000 Like 5,000 years ago.
00:20:16.000 You're like, all right, fine.
00:20:17.000 But when you're just like, three Wednesdays ago, it happened.
00:20:20.000 You're like, I'm not buying that.
00:20:22.000 There's enough stories that are similar about the ancient stories of, like, apocalypses, like, the stuff about, like, the epic of Gilgamesh is real similar to Noah and the Ark.
00:20:32.000 There's enough of those stories.
00:20:34.000 Yeah, like, Jesus was, like, they keep on just re-describing him from, like, thousands of years before Jesus was around.
00:20:38.000 That story of him being the son of God and all that other stuff.
00:20:41.000 The virgin mother.
00:20:42.000 He's a black woman now.
00:20:44.000 Jesus is trans.
00:20:46.000 Jesus is a black woman.
00:20:47.000 He could have been an alien.
00:20:49.000 Jesus?
00:20:49.000 Yeah.
00:20:50.000 Sure.
00:20:51.000 That's the most Joe Rogan sentence I've ever heard.
00:20:54.000 It could have been.
00:20:54.000 Jesus could have been an alien.
00:20:55.000 If there was like someone who came here and didn't make any sense that he was born and he just existed but knew everything and was the son of God and was trying to straighten everybody out and then they kill him.
00:21:05.000 And he's like, alright, we tried.
00:21:06.000 It literally could be an alien.
00:21:09.000 I mean, if you're thinking about how long ago this is, this is thousands of years of people telling a story, right?
00:21:15.000 I mean, how long after Jesus is dead before they even write the new stuff?
00:21:20.000 Well, why does no one consider that that long ago people wrote fiction?
00:21:23.000 Hundreds of years after his death, right?
00:21:24.000 At least a hundred years after his death?
00:21:26.000 But you know what I'm saying?
00:21:27.000 Also, years ago, no one considers the idea of works of fiction.
00:21:30.000 Right.
00:21:31.000 Everything then was just written from the thing versus someone making entertainment.
00:21:35.000 There's a combination of that and then real events they're trying to document.
00:21:39.000 So both things are true.
00:21:40.000 Because they had a lot of shit going on back then.
00:21:43.000 They didn't have to write fiction.
00:21:44.000 They were getting killed by swords.
00:21:46.000 People getting lit on fire and shot with arrows.
00:21:49.000 There's not a time to be making shit up.
00:21:51.000 Yeah, it's like what happened to your brother, and it's like, I don't know, a beast got ahold of him.
00:21:54.000 It can't be all Colosseum, man.
00:21:57.000 Once in a while you gotta wind back and there's no video games.
00:22:00.000 Listen, that's life then, though.
00:22:01.000 You're not gonna write Harry Potter when you're getting slayed by the Romans.
00:22:05.000 That's why you're fighting a line.
00:22:06.000 He goes, I got the good idea of something with, like, I don't know, a magical school.
00:22:13.000 The dude can walk on water.
00:22:14.000 He walked on fucking water.
00:22:16.000 And then he put a guy's ear back on.
00:22:19.000 Ah!
00:22:20.000 Water into wine.
00:22:21.000 Come on, who's not happy with that idea?
00:22:24.000 A lot of those miracles, I am studying magic right now for my magic show at Skankfest, and I'm reading a book about magic, but a lot of those miracles that they talk about, it's theorized that they were just like magicians that were like doing tricks for people, and they would get like...
00:22:38.000 By the way, Jesus Christ would be a great name for a magician if there was no Jesus Christ.
00:22:42.000 It's got a Criss Angel ring to it.
00:22:43.000 Oh, that's a great name.
00:22:44.000 Yeah, Jesus Christ would be amazing.
00:22:45.000 Come see Jesus Christ live at the Rio.
00:22:47.000 Yeah, because it's got like a little bit of a Latin flair, because you know you could say it like Jesus.
00:22:52.000 Mexicans are the only people that I know of, or I guess Spanish people as well, where the name Jesus, it's literally Jesus.
00:23:01.000 You can name your kid Jesus.
00:23:02.000 Like, how many Muslim kids are named Muhammad?
00:23:04.000 A lot!
00:23:05.000 It was like the number one name for boys in Ireland like a couple years ago.
00:23:09.000 Muhammad?
00:23:10.000 Yeah, Muhammad.
00:23:11.000 It freaked people out.
00:23:11.000 They're like, what?
00:23:13.000 But you can't name your son, your American son, Jesus.
00:23:17.000 It's gonna raise a few eyebrows if you bring baby Jesus to the daycare.
00:23:22.000 But isn't that crazy?
00:23:24.000 I know you legally can't name your child Jesus Christ.
00:23:27.000 Oh, is that true?
00:23:28.000 Legally, you can't.
00:23:29.000 I swear to God.
00:23:30.000 Do you think the pendulum's gonna swing back to, like, there was a time...
00:23:33.000 Naming kids Jesus?
00:23:34.000 No, but naming kids...
00:23:37.000 There was no actual lines drawn on naming years and years ago, as far as race goes, so...
00:23:46.000 My grandmother's boyfriend when she died, his still name was Jerome.
00:23:49.000 Look at this.
00:23:49.000 There's old Tyrone, like white Tyrones.
00:23:51.000 Wait, dude, that just stopped one day and those became black names.
00:23:54.000 These are all names that are ruled illegal by courts within the U.S. So Bobby Green just got his name changed to King.
00:24:03.000 He got his name legally changed to King Green.
00:24:05.000 Yeah, he's going to have to take this to the Supreme Court.
00:24:07.000 Maybe not, because it said...
00:24:09.000 Go back to that, please.
00:24:12.000 But the states...
00:24:14.000 But before that, it was like showing how many states...
00:24:17.000 Does it say that?
00:24:18.000 Why can't it be 1069?
00:24:20.000 So it was just the way it was phrased in the earlier thing that you had.
00:24:24.000 Okay, here it is.
00:24:25.000 There's a handful of names that were ruled illegal by courts within the U.S. So that could be local courts.
00:24:31.000 So in some areas, it's illegal to have these names.
00:24:34.000 Not all areas.
00:24:35.000 But imagine you can't even call your kid Santa Claus.
00:24:38.000 How about Majesty?
00:24:39.000 Imagine you can't call your kid Adolf Hitler.
00:24:41.000 I'm gonna name my kid Roman numeral two.
00:24:43.000 You could only call your kid Majesty if you are an R&B singer.
00:24:47.000 Oh, those are the best.
00:24:50.000 There's so many rapper kids.
00:24:52.000 There's so many rapper kids, like Prince.
00:24:55.000 Yeah, that's fine.
00:24:56.000 Is it just that spelling, though?
00:24:58.000 Could I name my kid Messiah with an apostrophe in the middle?
00:25:00.000 Right, I bet you could.
00:25:01.000 I bet you'd change the spelling.
00:25:03.000 There you go.
00:25:03.000 Messiah needs an apostrophe.
00:25:04.000 Go back to that again.
00:25:05.000 Let me see the list.
00:25:06.000 What is the third?
00:25:08.000 You can't be the third?
00:25:10.000 You can't be the Roman numeral three?
00:25:13.000 That can't be your name?
00:25:14.000 Does that come up a lot?
00:25:15.000 Do they have to make it illegal?
00:25:17.000 Imagine all the shit that's legal.
00:25:19.000 Boss was gonna name his kid after his third album.
00:25:20.000 They'll let you in the border, but whatever you do, don't use that number three thing, that Roman three.
00:25:25.000 That's fucked up, dude.
00:25:26.000 You can't call your baby Roman number three.
00:25:28.000 But like two and four are okay?
00:25:30.000 Okay.
00:25:30.000 A North Dakota man named Michael Herbert Dangler, who was adopted, wanted to change his name to these four numbers which held philosophical and personal significance for him.
00:25:41.000 State court rejected his name change request in 1976, saying numbers can't be used, can't be names due to potential confusion.
00:25:50.000 But isn't Elon Musk's kid's name like the sounds AOL used to make?
00:25:55.000 Well, he calls his son X, but it's like a bunch of other letters, too.
00:26:02.000 Bro, imagine if you were that guy's son, but you were a moron.
00:26:06.000 That would suck.
00:26:07.000 I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger had a son that was a schlub, and then the one he didn't know he had looked just like him and was shredded and working out constantly.
00:26:16.000 Yeah, it's hilarious.
00:26:16.000 I think the other son's jacked too now.
00:26:18.000 Oh, is he?
00:26:19.000 He had to catch up to him because he was a schlubby kid.
00:26:21.000 Sometimes you just, you know, fuck dad.
00:26:24.000 I don't even want to lift weights.
00:26:25.000 If you're all Schwarzenegger, you have so much privilege, I would just never want to lift weights at that point.
00:26:31.000 I can never imagine building the foundation as a young Schwarzenegger to be like, I'm just going to work really hard now at something.
00:26:37.000 Right, because you were born inside that house.
00:26:42.000 You're half Kennedy, half Schwarzenegger, that's crazy.
00:26:44.000 Tom Hanks has a son that became another Tom, like Hanks person, you know, tucking in his polo shirts on a Sunday, and then one went full wigger.
00:26:51.000 So it's like...
00:26:52.000 There's like a thing about the way you name your kid that someone brought up the other day.
00:26:57.000 Fuck, I wish I remember who was saying this.
00:27:00.000 But there's like an actual principle to it, and I think it's based on Chet Hanks.
00:27:05.000 It's like calling him Chet.
00:27:07.000 Just sets him up to be a Chet.
00:27:08.000 Oh, it's like, yeah, you've never met Awesome.
00:27:10.000 Chaz Palminteri is the exception to the rule.
00:27:13.000 That's not what you picture when you picture a Chaz.
00:27:16.000 Well, it's in Chaz Palmer.
00:27:17.000 Is that his full name?
00:27:18.000 Is that how you say it?
00:27:19.000 Or is it a shortened version?
00:27:20.000 It's probably Charles, is what my guess would be.
00:27:21.000 There's certain names that are associated.
00:27:24.000 I have an ex-girlfriend.
00:27:25.000 I won't even say her name.
00:27:26.000 This is how crazy she is.
00:27:27.000 Every girl I've ever met with this name is a crazy bitch.
00:27:30.000 But she's so crazy that I refuse to say her name that loud.
00:27:33.000 Wow, it's like Beetlejuice.
00:27:34.000 Yeah, dude.
00:27:35.000 I saw Beetlejuice last night.
00:27:36.000 How was it?
00:27:37.000 It's fucking great.
00:27:38.000 It's fun as shit, man.
00:27:40.000 Enough nostalgia.
00:27:41.000 I heard the reviews are not good.
00:27:43.000 That's probably why you like it.
00:27:44.000 I heard the reviews were already.
00:27:45.000 I heard the crow was terrible.
00:27:46.000 I didn't hear about the reviews until after I saw it though.
00:27:49.000 I didn't know anything about it.
00:27:50.000 I just went in cold.
00:27:52.000 It was great.
00:27:52.000 That was like the female Ghostbusters.
00:27:54.000 Everyone hated it so much that I watched it on a flight.
00:27:56.000 I was like, it wasn't that bad.
00:27:57.000 It was kind of fun.
00:27:57.000 But Beetlejuice is better than that.
00:28:00.000 Beetlejuice is really good.
00:28:01.000 The female Ghostbusters was terrible.
00:28:02.000 It's fucking great, man.
00:28:04.000 It's like on par with the original movie.
00:28:07.000 It's Tim Burton at its best.
00:28:09.000 It's really good, man.
00:28:10.000 I fucking enjoyed the shit out of it.
00:28:11.000 When I heard that people didn't like it, I was like, really?
00:28:14.000 Well, I believe all the bullshit I read right away where they're like, Michael Keaton's only in it for 10 minutes.
00:28:18.000 Well, that was the point.
00:28:19.000 No, that's not true.
00:28:19.000 So they wanted to make sure that he wasn't in it anymore.
00:28:22.000 Because in the first movie, he was only in it for 13 minutes, the total, right?
00:28:25.000 Yeah.
00:28:26.000 So they were like, they didn't want to change that element, so they purposely made it so he was in it for around the same amount of time.
00:28:31.000 Yeah, all that fucking number stock is nonsense.
00:28:36.000 The movie's fun.
00:28:37.000 You don't give a shit if he's in there.
00:28:38.000 Winona Ryder's great.
00:28:40.000 Everybody's great.
00:28:40.000 It's a fucking fun movie, man.
00:28:42.000 And it's Tim Burton at his weird best.
00:28:45.000 It's very weird.
00:28:46.000 Winona Ryder's a wild one.
00:28:47.000 No one trusted Alec Baldwin on set anymore.
00:28:48.000 I met Winona Ryder on the streets in New York City when I was selling comedy club tickets right after she got arrested for shoplifting.
00:28:55.000 That was the most bizarre thing ever.
00:28:58.000 Because you could have got her.
00:29:02.000 You're like, oh my god, she has the same likes as me.
00:29:05.000 I can afford to buy you makeup, you crazy bitch.
00:29:08.000 But it's just genuinely like craziness, right?
00:29:10.000 Because she's rich.
00:29:11.000 She was a movie star at that time.
00:29:12.000 She didn't need the money.
00:29:12.000 She got the itch, dude.
00:29:13.000 I think it was a thrill thing.
00:29:15.000 I think it's for a lot of people, it's a thrill thing.
00:29:18.000 What's the last thing you stole, Joe?
00:29:19.000 I stole a candy bar when I was 13. That's the last thing?
00:29:22.000 Yeah.
00:29:22.000 I got caught.
00:29:23.000 I was so embarrassed.
00:29:25.000 What, like a security guard?
00:29:26.000 Yeah, a security guard pulled me into a back room.
00:29:29.000 I was terrified.
00:29:30.000 And I didn't even know what I was doing.
00:29:31.000 I was just doing it because I thought I could get away with it.
00:29:33.000 You know?
00:29:34.000 We were fucking young kids walking around.
00:29:37.000 Yeah, that's really the thing.
00:29:38.000 What's the worst thing you got caught stealing?
00:29:40.000 Mine was stuffing porn magazines down the front of my pants and putting my shirt over it.
00:29:49.000 Oh my god, try reselling that now.
00:29:52.000 The guy at the drugstore was baiting me to do it.
00:29:57.000 Like he couldn't wait.
00:29:59.000 He was baiting you?
00:29:59.000 Like he was leaving porn out?
00:30:01.000 No, no, no.
00:30:01.000 The porn section was in this magazine.
00:30:04.000 He tricked him!
00:30:06.000 He tricked him!
00:30:07.000 A porno mag and then he's got like a fishing rod.
00:30:14.000 Baiting is the wrong word for him.
00:30:15.000 He knew I was getting ready.
00:30:17.000 He felt that I was waiting to find my moment.
00:30:19.000 He could have stopped you before you did the climb.
00:30:20.000 He could have stopped me before I did it and said, hey, you can't be in here unless you're going to blah blah blah.
00:30:23.000 I kind of made notice.
00:30:24.000 He laid back and I was kind of like, he knows?
00:30:26.000 I'm like, I guess not.
00:30:27.000 He's just sitting there.
00:30:29.000 And then an old man spinning you around and lifting your shirt to show the half of porn magazines sticking up.
00:30:36.000 How old were you?
00:30:38.000 Just ran, like 12 maybe?
00:30:40.000 I ran so fast.
00:30:42.000 12 year old boys should not be left alone.
00:30:45.000 For their own devices.
00:30:47.000 I used to rob cars when I was 12 years old.
00:30:48.000 Me and my friends would break into cars in the ShopRite parking lot and just clear out all the change in the center console.
00:30:56.000 All it takes is one bad kid in the neighborhood that's fun.
00:30:59.000 My biggest steal wasn't even for money or anything.
00:31:03.000 I was staying at my grandmother's friend's house.
00:31:08.000 My aunt and Ed and Uncle Herb.
00:31:10.000 And Uncle Herb had a nice stack of porn magazines that I found.
00:31:14.000 There's a pattern.
00:31:15.000 There's a pattern.
00:31:16.000 No, this is funny.
00:31:16.000 Well, this is one I thought I'd get away with for no reason.
00:31:18.000 I took a bunch.
00:31:19.000 I think every one of these stories is going to end with Jay being spun around and his shirt lifted up.
00:31:24.000 This is proverbially that because I took a few of his giant stack being like, he'll never miss these.
00:31:32.000 And if he does, he's not going to think it was me.
00:31:34.000 And if he does think it's me, we're going to have this quiet code of like, what are you going to tell my mom?
00:31:39.000 I took your...
00:31:40.000 It's like so many people have to find out about your porn magazines now.
00:31:44.000 That's exactly what he did.
00:31:45.000 He didn't give a shit.
00:31:46.000 He was like, I want my porn magazines back.
00:31:48.000 And then went down the channels from my grandmom to my mom, and I was like, oh, did I grab these?
00:31:53.000 Oh, shit.
00:31:57.000 That's hilarious.
00:31:58.000 Oh, dude, that's such an embarrassing to get a phone call.
00:32:00.000 It goes, your Uncle Herb wants his...
00:32:02.000 Dude, pre-internet porn was like gold.
00:32:03.000 When you're a kid at that age, were you...
00:32:05.000 Because we had a magazine that we found in the woods, and another kid stole it from us.
00:32:09.000 Every kid.
00:32:09.000 And it was a thing.
00:32:10.000 Every kid found dirty in the woods.
00:32:13.000 Yeah, of course.
00:32:13.000 You just hope that it was wet for the right reasons.
00:32:16.000 They're always damp.
00:32:18.000 Yeah.
00:32:18.000 Yeah, then I had that one at home for a little while, and I used to live in a shitty apartment, so I had like a drop ceiling.
00:32:24.000 So I used to keep it inside of my ceiling to hide it from my mom.
00:32:28.000 And I would just, it was like literally covered in mud and Water?
00:32:32.000 Did you guys see that shit that was going down in Philadelphia yesterday, one of those street takeovers?
00:32:37.000 I saw a video, but I don't know what it is.
00:32:39.000 A cop car drives towards it and hits his lights and thinks he's gonna get them to scatter, and they just jump all over the car?
00:32:45.000 I didn't see that video.
00:32:46.000 I saw a couple of them.
00:32:47.000 It's crazy.
00:32:47.000 And what is it they're doing?
00:32:48.000 Check this out.
00:32:49.000 Look, so the cop, they've got a street takeover.
00:32:52.000 So they just decided to stay in the middle of the street and block traffic.
00:32:55.000 Oh, is it a protest?
00:32:56.000 No, I don't know what they're doing.
00:32:58.000 I think they're just getting crazy.
00:32:59.000 I don't know if they're protesting anything.
00:33:01.000 I think they're just a group of kids just decided to get crazy.
00:33:04.000 This is a United States of America.
00:33:06.000 This is like one of the...
00:33:07.000 If you saw that this was happening in Ecuador, you'd be like, yo, Ecuador's out of control, right?
00:33:12.000 But no, this is the United States of America in Philadelphia.
00:33:15.000 Watch what happens in this cop car.
00:33:17.000 Wait, what was the first?
00:33:17.000 Go back a little bit.
00:33:18.000 What was the person who spun out with, like, a person hanging off the car?
00:33:21.000 They're going crazy.
00:33:22.000 It's a street takeover.
00:33:23.000 They're doing that with their cars.
00:33:24.000 That's what they're doing.
00:33:25.000 So they block traffic, and then they spin around in circles in their cars, and they organize it.
00:33:30.000 So this cop tries to break it up, and they just fuck this cop's car up, dude.
00:33:35.000 Hundreds of kids.
00:33:37.000 Fuck.
00:33:38.000 And no one's in control of them.
00:33:40.000 Go birds.
00:33:41.000 I mean if you are in that situation and you're parked in your car in like traffic because there's like- If I'm a cop?
00:33:47.000 No, but what if you're not a cop?
00:33:48.000 I'm a cop right now.
00:33:49.000 I'm just starting to blast everybody for the windshield.
00:33:51.000 You can't shoot enough people.
00:33:52.000 There's hundreds of people.
00:33:54.000 It is so funny.
00:33:55.000 They'll get you and they'll kill you.
00:33:55.000 I can get 16 of them.
00:33:57.000 You might be able to get three of them.
00:34:00.000 The first time you see someone with authority in your life or something, Have to realize like a can't win situation is awkward.
00:34:18.000 Do you know what I mean?
00:34:19.000 Like seeing a cop have to like kind of surrender or have to give up.
00:34:22.000 My step-pop when we were younger, we were driving back.
00:34:24.000 My step-pop was like a power lifter always.
00:34:27.000 Like a big, like a tough guy to me, I always thought.
00:34:30.000 And we were driving back from the Philadelphia Zoo one day through Fairmount Park and they had shut it down for what's called the Greek Picnic, which is all the black fraternities like party in this big giant park.
00:34:42.000 I love the old Greek guy that shows up for it.
00:34:47.000 Jamie, put that video back up.
00:34:50.000 These guys were coming, and they were just walking all through the street, all these black frat dudes, and it was a traffic jam because they're in the middle of the street, and sitting on the hood of our car and stuff like that.
00:35:02.000 And my step-pop just being like, I just see him just sitting there eating it.
00:35:06.000 And, like, realizing that I was like, you know, it was almost like that, Joe, why aren't you gonna?
00:35:10.000 You know what?
00:35:11.000 You're right.
00:35:11.000 Like, this is just an unwinnable thing.
00:35:13.000 That's one of my biggest fears, that I'm gonna be with my son, and I'm gonna get chumped out by tougher men than me.
00:35:17.000 It's the most horrifying thing in the world, dude.
00:35:20.000 Look at this video, and imagine if you're a person that just was going to see your aunt, got in your car, and got stuck behind this.
00:35:27.000 You had no idea you're gonna be trapped in this kind of traffic, and they're just gonna block off the street for who knows how long.
00:35:32.000 I just have to join them to start doing fucking donuts.
00:35:35.000 Jesus Christ.
00:35:37.000 That's my car on fire.
00:35:38.000 The likelihood of one of these kids getting run over is very high.
00:35:42.000 It happens all the time.
00:35:43.000 All the time.
00:35:44.000 They get hit by cars all the time.
00:35:46.000 They go flying through the air.
00:35:47.000 It's like a dumb thing that they do.
00:35:49.000 Are these stolen cars?
00:35:50.000 Yeah, they're stolen cars.
00:35:51.000 But these guys get so close to each other that they hit each other all the time.
00:35:55.000 All the time.
00:35:57.000 People go flying through the air.
00:35:59.000 Boom!
00:36:00.000 If you're a teenager, it does look like it's a lot of fun.
00:36:03.000 Oh, look, man, if you don't have a dad, and your mom's a cunt, and she does meth, yeah, I'd be there, too.
00:36:09.000 It's a nice cut loose.
00:36:10.000 Dude, being in the middle right there, dude, imagine being in the middle right there, you'd feel like a king.
00:36:14.000 Yeah, if your dad beats you, you know, if your dad's an alcoholic who just beats the shit out of you, and the only love you get is from your friends on the streets.
00:36:21.000 Yeah, I'd be doing that too.
00:36:22.000 I was telling these guys yesterday, I saw a video where it's a guy, people filming anything now, it's a guy in Times Square who films himself going up and just talk robbing a guy.
00:36:33.000 Like, just talk.
00:36:34.000 He just goes, hey man, come here, come here.
00:36:36.000 He goes, you're doing a new documentary called I Just Got Robbed.
00:36:39.000 He's like, what?
00:36:39.000 He goes, I'm gonna need your wallet.
00:36:40.000 Don't run.
00:36:41.000 Don't be weird.
00:36:41.000 He's just like, intimidate.
00:36:43.000 The guy's name is Rob.
00:36:44.000 He's clever.
00:36:45.000 The kid's so...
00:36:46.000 Happy that he's not getting beat up, and just nervous, and happy that he's not getting beat up.
00:36:50.000 Like, he pleasantly, like, gives him everything, and it's kind of like, now go over there.
00:36:54.000 He's like, alright, man, be easy, man, be easy.
00:36:55.000 And the guy's like, alright, man, cool.
00:36:57.000 Like, he just gives him his stuff and walks away.
00:36:59.000 He gives him his stuff back?
00:37:00.000 No.
00:37:01.000 No, no, no, he robs him.
00:37:02.000 He does it on YouTube.
00:37:04.000 Yeah.
00:37:05.000 It's pretty nuts.
00:37:06.000 Is it even illegal, though?
00:37:07.000 Are you sure it's real?
00:37:09.000 It seems very, very real.
00:37:10.000 Are you sure that he doesn't give it back to him after they stop filming so that it's not a crime and it's just a stunt?
00:37:17.000 No, I think this happens all the time.
00:37:18.000 People get arrested, actually, for it.
00:37:20.000 Really?
00:37:20.000 You don't have to know how crazy you are.
00:37:22.000 There's people who film some guy holding their guns and saying, I'm about to go kill so-and-so.
00:37:26.000 This happens all the time in New York.
00:37:28.000 This happened to a former Miss New York.
00:37:30.000 She was in the park, and these two young, maybe Puerto Rican kids or black kids, they come up and be like, hey, we're trying to sell candy for our basketball team, that old scam.
00:37:38.000 And then she was like, I don't have any cash.
00:37:40.000 They were like, oh, you could send us a Zelle.
00:37:42.000 And she was like, sure.
00:37:43.000 And then they got her to give them their phone, and then they just sent themselves $2,000 on her Zelle and handed her a phone back and just ran away.
00:37:50.000 And they just couldn't get the money back.
00:37:52.000 Oh, my God.
00:37:53.000 Jesus.
00:37:53.000 Yeah.
00:37:54.000 I stopped paying attention when you said they may have been black or Puerto Rican, and you said selling candy for their football team or whatever.
00:38:01.000 I'm like, it definitely was black or Puerto Rican.
00:38:02.000 No, no, no.
00:38:03.000 I know.
00:38:03.000 I was struck they were black or Puerto Rican.
00:38:04.000 Never had a white kid try to run the old buy some M&Ms from me scam.
00:38:08.000 You gotta have laws, kids.
00:38:10.000 It's dangerous out there.
00:38:11.000 You leave people to their own devices, and you get that shit.
00:38:14.000 You get people going wild in the streets.
00:38:16.000 It's very scary to see that.
00:38:18.000 Thank God we all survived being that age, because you're just so stupid, and yet you're in the body of kind of a grown-up, and you just have, like, all this, you know, just testosterone and fucking being young and not knowing.
00:38:30.000 Like, I could so easily, if I lived in Philly, have been at one of those things.
00:38:34.000 Oh, I was a handful of decisions away from being at one of those things when I was a kid.
00:38:36.000 But does that guy, does the guy, the idiot who keeps jumping over the car and lighting the fire in the middle, is he look back like, is he 55 one day going like, oh yeah, I was a little rap scallion.
00:38:46.000 Do you think he lives to be 55?
00:38:48.000 No, probably not.
00:38:49.000 He probably dies under a donut of a souped up SUV. There's a high likelihood that young man's involved in other questionable activities.
00:38:57.000 No, maybe, but I'm saying, but there's just those guys, like, I don't know how you, like, grow up out of that that's gonna be something that really nails it.
00:39:05.000 I mean, my childhood wasn't crazy far from that.
00:39:08.000 I mean, I just wasn't with that crew, but I was doing pretty, like, rancid shit.
00:39:12.000 I was stealing and...
00:39:13.000 You guys just couldn't afford to pull that off.
00:39:17.000 You would've.
00:39:18.000 Well, it wasn't a thing.
00:39:19.000 It wasn't a thing back then.
00:39:21.000 Like, that's only been a thing for the last, like, how many years, Jamie?
00:39:24.000 As the street takeovers?
00:39:26.000 Yeah, with the internet.
00:39:26.000 To make internet videos, yeah.
00:39:27.000 15, 20, I don't know.
00:39:29.000 Honestly, maybe.
00:39:30.000 Never.
00:39:30.000 When I was a kid, there was none of that.
00:39:32.000 No one ever blocked this street and did donuts.
00:39:35.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:39:35.000 You did donuts in the school parking lot if you knew where the cops were.
00:39:39.000 They would drag race though in Philly.
00:39:41.000 They would like stop, block off streets and like drag race.
00:39:43.000 Yeah, that's true.
00:39:44.000 That's true.
00:39:45.000 That's true.
00:39:46.000 That's true.
00:39:46.000 Did you find Jamie the guy robbing?
00:39:50.000 I checked a couple places.
00:39:51.000 1980s?
00:39:52.000 Look at that.
00:39:53.000 It's Instagram, actually.
00:39:54.000 Sideshows.
00:39:55.000 They call them sideshows?
00:39:56.000 Yes.
00:39:56.000 That's how I saw it first.
00:39:57.000 It's a thing from the Bay area.
00:39:59.000 So they first occurred from the streets of Oakland during the mid-1980s.
00:40:04.000 Back in the olden days.
00:40:05.000 It does seem like a very Asian-y activity.
00:40:08.000 Yeah, I think them stealing the cars is probably more of a newer thing.
00:40:12.000 Back in the day, it was like a car show, essentially.
00:40:15.000 Right.
00:40:16.000 They were showing off their cars.
00:40:17.000 Yeah, in the 70s and 80s, they'd have the ones with the hydraulics and shit.
00:40:21.000 That would happen.
00:40:22.000 Oh, it comes from a Bay Area rapper, Richie Rich's, Sideshow.
00:40:27.000 Damn Bancroft to the light.
00:40:30.000 Let me warm it up.
00:40:31.000 I hit a donut tight.
00:40:32.000 Rap sucks.
00:40:36.000 I hit a donut-type Chevy on my side, window straight tinted.
00:40:39.000 He got hype when he saw me spinning.
00:40:42.000 Who likes this?
00:40:44.000 I do.
00:40:45.000 I like a lot of it.
00:40:46.000 It's fun.
00:40:47.000 What, rap?
00:40:48.000 Sun rap is fun.
00:40:49.000 I know.
00:40:50.000 I love tons of rap.
00:40:51.000 Whatever that was was terrible.
00:40:53.000 Also, you didn't really sell it.
00:40:55.000 If I was at an audition, I'd be like, Big J, next time.
00:40:59.000 I want you to be in the moment.
00:41:01.000 You're rapping about these things.
00:41:03.000 You really feel this.
00:41:04.000 You feel very strongly about these issues.
00:41:06.000 You're trying to lure Louis We have to rap battle this Friday at Skatefest.
00:41:11.000 I see what you're doing.
00:41:14.000 Although I have a feeling it's gonna be better than what I did, but if we find the song sideways or whatever, I bet that guy doesn't kill it.
00:41:21.000 It's all that, because that has to come from the era.
00:41:23.000 Well, it's the 90s, I guess, so it might not be mumble rap.
00:41:26.000 Right.
00:41:27.000 Some of the fucking 90s stuff still holds up, man.
00:41:30.000 Oh, yeah.
00:41:30.000 Most of it does.
00:41:31.000 Yeah.
00:41:32.000 You know what I listened to the other day?
00:41:33.000 Tim Dawg.
00:41:35.000 Tim Dogg, you remember that guy?
00:41:36.000 No, I don't think so.
00:41:37.000 He was like the first guy who went against the guys from Compton.
00:41:42.000 Was he based out of L.A.? No, he was a New York guy.
00:41:45.000 Yeah, he had a song called Fuck Compton.
00:41:50.000 I was pretty ballsy at the time.
00:41:53.000 Well, that was the worst rap beef ending ever.
00:41:57.000 NWA split up from Ice Cube, and then Dr. Dre left, and then him and his E went and did their own thing, and then that beef ended in an AIDS death.
00:42:08.000 You don't see those ones happen anymore.
00:42:09.000 Well, those beefs, they would go to actual shooting each other.
00:42:13.000 That's what's the craziest thing.
00:42:14.000 Like, never in the history of show business was there a scenario where stars were having other stars murdered.
00:42:21.000 Like, openly.
00:42:22.000 Well, it's happening now more than ever.
00:42:25.000 It's easier to become a quote-unquote star on the internet now.
00:42:30.000 So a lot of these guys are getting really popular and then getting killed like young rappers.
00:42:35.000 You know the wildest conspiracy theory about that has to do with intelligence agencies?
00:42:38.000 Oh, that the CIA made them gangster and shit like that?
00:42:42.000 That they funded it and promoted it because they wanted to fill prisons.
00:42:46.000 It's the wildest...
00:42:49.000 You want to destabilize society, and you get kids, like young kids, who are like we're talking about, dumb, stupid, real easily influenced, don't know what the fuck's going on, and you introduce them to rap music.
00:43:01.000 It will most certainly change the way they think about life.
00:43:05.000 Yeah, especially, all I'm saying, I don't know enough about that whole conspiracy and stuff, but it is crazy if you're like, if you remember the 80s and 90s, the transformation from hip-hop, from being like the KRS-One, kind of like, there were all these songs about cleaning up their streets and listening to your dad,
00:43:24.000 and like, It took this drastic turn from being very positive, pro-black kind of thing, to just all of a sudden being like, we're killing everybody, and fuck bitches.
00:43:36.000 It's so funny, because I listen to a lot of hip-hop when I work out, but I'll be listening to the most hardcore shit, and I'm just like, this is nice, let me turn up the treadmill a little bit.
00:43:44.000 But if you're in the hood, it's just inspiring you to murder people and rub banks.
00:43:49.000 My favorite workout rap is Nas because the lyrics are so good.
00:43:53.000 It gets you hyped up.
00:43:55.000 That's the thing about the 90s hip-hop.
00:43:58.000 It was so lyrically based.
00:44:00.000 You gotta listen to any beef raps.
00:44:01.000 Any beef raps are the best to work out to.
00:44:04.000 And I take no sides.
00:44:05.000 I'll listen to Biggie and Tupac.
00:44:07.000 I just want the aggression.
00:44:08.000 Fuck you, Tupac!
00:44:12.000 Remember when Ice Cube put out No Vaseline?
00:44:17.000 Bro, you do not want to get in one of those rap battles with Ice Cube.
00:44:21.000 He was so great.
00:44:22.000 For his time in rap, he was fucking incredible.
00:44:25.000 Bro, he's such a good writer.
00:44:26.000 Well, they did the song Jackin' for Beats, and that's when he made the song.
00:44:29.000 It's everybody else's.
00:44:31.000 It keeps changing to all the most popular beats, and he just does rap.
00:44:34.000 Oh, it's great.
00:44:34.000 Didn't he do a lot of the writing for NWA? I think all of it.
00:44:38.000 I think that was basically like the thing was he wrote all the songs.
00:44:41.000 I think that DOC guy probably wrote a bit too.
00:44:45.000 You know, I'm friends with Willie D from Ghetto Boys and he wrote everything.
00:44:50.000 He wrote like most of their songs.
00:44:52.000 He told me he wrote Fuck A War in 45 minutes.
00:44:56.000 We were talking about it on the podcast, and he sent me a text.
00:44:58.000 He goes, I wrote Fuck A War in 45 minutes.
00:45:00.000 I just sat down, and I was like, Motherfucker War!
00:45:03.000 Have you ever heard that song?
00:45:05.000 Yeah, I can't remember it.
00:45:05.000 Where Bushwick Bill's getting recruited?
00:45:07.000 Oh, bro, we gotta play it.
00:45:09.000 We gotta play it.
00:45:09.000 Can I tell you that one of my favorite lyrics that never stood out to me when I was younger, but always makes me laugh and my mind's playing tricks on me, is when Bushwick Bill, you know, he's a midget, and then he sings a song, he goes, this wasn't no ordinary dude.
00:45:26.000 He stood about six or seven feet.
00:45:30.000 He goes, that's the N-word I'll be seeing in my sleep!
00:45:33.000 And Coretta goes, that's not even that crazy.
00:45:36.000 Look at what Jamie just pulled up.
00:45:38.000 Jamie, the investigative journalist that he is, just pulled up that Ice Cube formed his first rap group called CIA in 1986. Oh my god.
00:45:47.000 Coincidence?
00:45:48.000 It's all right in front of his man.
00:45:50.000 Gotta connect the dots, bro.
00:45:52.000 Gotta connect the dots.
00:45:53.000 I want to say that about Puffy now, like every interview with Puffy, he's just like, just being a little bit weird, but everyone's like, it was right in front of you, bro.
00:45:59.000 He was letting us know the whole time.
00:46:02.000 When Bill Maher said the N-word on his show, and then the next week had to give his apology to Ice Cube was the funniest thing in the world.
00:46:08.000 What a weird person to have to do it.
00:46:09.000 And then he just goes, I'm really sorry, Ice Cube.
00:46:12.000 And Ice Cube's like, Well, Bill Maul, this is a good moment to teach you something.
00:46:16.000 It was so bad.
00:46:17.000 Dude, let me hear Fuck A War.
00:46:20.000 This is one of my all-time favorite war songs.
00:46:23.000 Bushwick Bill was fun, because it was like a South Park character.
00:46:27.000 Like, he could say the wildest shit, because he just looked different, and you're like, ah, let him say it.
00:46:33.000 He's a tiny guy.
00:46:34.000 Did you ever hear Everclear when he tells the whole story of making his girlfriend shoot him in the eye?
00:46:38.000 Yes.
00:46:39.000 Yes.
00:46:39.000 Crazy.
00:46:49.000 When I used to deliver newspapers, I used to listen to this.
00:46:54.000 On cassette, son.
00:47:00.000 You delivered them on a bicycle?
00:47:02.000 No, I was in a van.
00:47:03.000 I had a van.
00:47:04.000 I delivered them to my uncle.
00:47:05.000 I had a root, and I had a...
00:47:07.000 I would go with him like 2 o'clock in the morning.
00:47:09.000 Throw him out the window?
00:47:10.000 Yeah.
00:47:24.000 Dave Smith, you should go on stage to this.
00:47:27.000 I am loving it.
00:47:29.000 Oh, it's great.
00:47:29.000 Give me a little more.
00:47:31.000 That picture's crazy.
00:47:33.000 The cover of that album.
00:47:43.000 It's so funny, this was like hard in the 80s.
00:47:46.000 Yeah.
00:47:47.000 I hate you damn ho!
00:47:49.000 I know, but the flow of it doesn't seem anymore.
00:47:52.000 Yeah.
00:47:53.000 It seems bubbly.
00:47:54.000 Call me a funky sucker.
00:48:08.000 Can you imagine being a woman being abused by a black midget and he makes you shoot him in the eye?
00:48:15.000 Where's her side of that story?
00:48:17.000 That can't be her first mistake.
00:48:19.000 She's made a lot of mistakes.
00:48:20.000 That's the end of a long series of bad, bad mistakes.
00:48:22.000 You don't just get there because you won the lottery.
00:48:25.000 He takes his eye out.
00:48:26.000 You gotta do the work.
00:48:28.000 You gotta get into a position where you're fucking being forced to shoot your tiny man's eyeball out.
00:48:33.000 Hey, shoot me in the eye.
00:48:35.000 Jesus Christ.
00:48:36.000 You crazy tiny asshole.
00:48:38.000 Jesus Christ.
00:48:40.000 Willie's got some great Bushwick stories.
00:48:42.000 That was a guy that I wanted to get on the podcast, but he got sick.
00:48:45.000 Right when we were talking to his people, he apparently got sick.
00:48:49.000 Bushwick pill?
00:48:49.000 Yeah, and he wound up in the hospital.
00:48:51.000 I'm like, God damn, that would have been a good one.
00:48:54.000 How old did he die?
00:48:55.000 It was a few years back.
00:48:57.000 He wasn't that old.
00:48:58.000 He had a lot of health problems.
00:49:00.000 What year was it?
00:49:03.000 2019, he was 52. 2019. Yeah, so it was right before that.
00:49:07.000 He got sick.
00:49:09.000 52. Did you ever get Scarface?
00:49:12.000 No, I'd love to have him on.
00:49:13.000 You ever see the Tiny Desk thing he did?
00:49:16.000 Mm-mm.
00:49:16.000 Fucking incredible.
00:49:17.000 You know that Tiny Desk performance thing they do?
00:49:20.000 But Scarface did it and like slowed everything down to fit with the vibe of being in this like really tight thing.
00:49:27.000 And so it was like, you know, he's always been a great...
00:49:30.000 Give me some of this.
00:49:42.000 How does it feel, Jay?
00:49:44.000 How does it feel to be on the other end of it?
00:49:46.000 I don't like it one bit.
00:50:03.000 It's kind of strange.
00:50:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:50:06.000 Well, also, what's strange is, again, seeing...
00:50:08.000 We'll never know how corny or not an old Biggie or Tupac would have been.
00:50:15.000 It's not that he's corny, but he's just an older guy.
00:50:19.000 You know what I mean?
00:50:19.000 This guy doesn't live any kind of gangster life anymore.
00:50:20.000 You think this is corny?
00:50:22.000 No, no, no.
00:50:22.000 I'm saying that you get to see how people would become.
00:50:26.000 No, it's not corny at all, but it's much softer energy than you ever thought of Scarface in the 80s and 90s.
00:50:32.000 It does feel like it's a Scarface song that you could read one of these books to.
00:50:39.000 If you told me this was a guy who was in the roots or something, you'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:50:43.000 That makes sense.
00:50:44.000 But isn't it make more sense that he's like this now?
00:50:47.000 This is an intelligent guy that kept evolving as a human being.
00:50:50.000 100%.
00:50:50.000 And you should evolve.
00:50:51.000 Yeah, which is great.
00:50:52.000 It's way better than, like...
00:50:53.000 Jay, you're the only person that hasn't evolved since high school.
00:50:55.000 I know.
00:50:56.000 If you're Justin Bieber and you get to sing in a girl's voice when you're 80, you know, that hee, that high-pitched thing.
00:51:03.000 First time I heard him sing, I thought, wow, this girl sounds amazing.
00:51:06.000 And they go, that's Justin Bieber.
00:51:07.000 And I go, oh, what a crazy voice.
00:51:10.000 Well, bring him in here anyway.
00:51:12.000 But he was real young back then.
00:51:26.000 What am I looking at?
00:51:27.000 DJ Paul is 3-6 Mafia, right?
00:51:29.000 Yeah, 3-6 Mafia.
00:51:30.000 I just saw DJ Paul at Gathering of the Juggalos I performed at.
00:51:35.000 He was one of the people performing.
00:51:37.000 It's so funny.
00:51:37.000 Seeing the people who get what's happening there versus the performers who don't because He was up there.
00:51:44.000 He knows like he's been with that audience.
00:51:46.000 I think Tech N9ne also does that so he does all the family chants and stuff DJ Paul and he just gets that crowd gets him going, but they throw shit constantly and they're doing all kinds of crazy shit Rock Kim went up there And by Rakim, by the third song,
00:52:02.000 they were throwing shit at the stage, but they're into it, the audience, and then he just kind of stops the song and he goes, hey, I ain't about all that fuck shit throwing stuff, man, so you could throw shit and we could leave, or we could do some rap music, and the crowd was just kind of like...
00:52:15.000 Oh, they got it?
00:52:16.000 See, back in the day, when we did it 15 years ago, they were fucking savages.
00:52:22.000 So I think the gathering of the Juggalos crowd has gotten older.
00:52:25.000 They're all 40 now, so they're like, okay, if you don't want us to throw stuff, we won't.
00:52:30.000 Which is great.
00:52:31.000 I think they were a little more like, oh, this is our thing, though.
00:52:34.000 They had to have a moment where they were like, alright, it's a choice between throwing stuff or rap music.
00:52:39.000 We did it 15 years ago when we were just so young in comedy, and we didn't know what it was.
00:52:43.000 It was midnight in a tent in the woods with the Insane Clown Posse.
00:52:47.000 It was a comedy tent.
00:52:48.000 It's still that.
00:52:49.000 I know, I know.
00:52:50.000 But now they know who we are.
00:52:51.000 I mean, they had a guy, a clown pick us up in a van.
00:52:54.000 DeRosa talks about it in his, he has that joke on his special.
00:52:57.000 Yeah, Upchuck the Clown, dude.
00:52:58.000 His name's Joel.
00:52:58.000 He's a comic from Michigan.
00:52:59.000 He still runs it.
00:53:01.000 He just doesn't do it anymore.
00:53:01.000 So they pick you up in a van.
00:53:02.000 It's the scariest thing ever.
00:53:03.000 You're like, it's just pitch black in the woods in the darkness.
00:53:06.000 And when they put us up there, like, these people aren't there for comedy.
00:53:09.000 They're there for this whatever experience.
00:53:11.000 So they just start throwing, like, just cans of soda and beer and alcohol.
00:53:16.000 Oh, jeez.
00:53:16.000 Jay goes to me, he's like, dude, because I was going first.
00:53:18.000 He was like, I'm like a year in comedy.
00:53:19.000 He's like, Jay's like, just go up there and do jokes.
00:53:22.000 Don't just go up in there and smoke weed and do crowd work.
00:53:24.000 It was like me, and it was Vecchione, who's like a straight-up joke guy.
00:53:26.000 So he was like, you're going to set us up to fail if you don't do jokes.
00:53:30.000 So within 10 seconds, like a beer can whizzed past my head.
00:53:34.000 I was like, oh, is that weed?
00:53:35.000 And I smoked weed with them for five minutes.
00:53:37.000 No, Lewis had on, he put on the gas mask weed thing.
00:53:40.000 You couldn't even talk through that weed.
00:53:42.000 That was my closer.
00:53:43.000 Oh, crap.
00:53:44.000 And then I sent, and then Mike Vecchione went out.
00:53:47.000 And I was the only one that was booked on it.
00:53:49.000 I was just like, they want me to do a show, so if they were with me on another gig, I'm like, come and we'll do this one.
00:53:54.000 And you guys go on.
00:53:55.000 So Mike Vecchione goes on, and they're not paying attention to him and yelling at him.
00:54:00.000 And I remember he kind of looked at me offside of the stage.
00:54:02.000 I was like, you can wrap it up.
00:54:04.000 Like, I'll go eat the rest of this shit.
00:54:05.000 I remember one of his premises, though.
00:54:07.000 No, all I remember is the premise, because he goes...
00:54:10.000 I said that feel you know that feeling like when you're when it's going rough and you see the light Somehow you even have like another five-minute burst in you because you you know you are done So like let me see what I can do now.
00:54:21.000 It's almost like that freeing thing So I gave Vecchio and that kind of like you can wrap it up, dude And he goes uh and I almost saw his energy change and he just goes He's gonna do his last big joke or whatever and he goes uh so hey guys I had a dream last night and the crowd someone in the crowd goes Fuck your dreams!
00:54:40.000 And I don't think he finished the bit.
00:54:43.000 And then he brought me up.
00:54:45.000 And then I was supposed to do like 45, of which I did 20 maybe, because I remember saying, where they got mad at me, I asked them why there's a rap festival with no black people.
00:54:55.000 And then a black guy stood up, and he was like, how about me?
00:54:58.000 And I went, one jug-a-bro.
00:55:00.000 And then they just booed, and someone yelled, they all bleed clown.
00:55:04.000 And I just was like, can I go?
00:55:06.000 Oh, God, they all bleed clown.
00:55:08.000 You had to know how to respond to that.
00:55:09.000 Isn't it amazing, though, that you could just, if you just create a place where anybody can join, You're gonna get a group of people.
00:55:17.000 You know, whether it's the Insane Clown Posse or the Mormons.
00:55:22.000 I respect the Juggalos more than the Mormons.
00:55:25.000 I think they're similar.
00:55:27.000 They're more happy being Juggalos than they are if Juggalos didn't exist.
00:55:31.000 That should be the judge of all of it, though.
00:55:33.000 Like you said before, it's like, what does this actually do for you?
00:55:36.000 Forget whether any of it's real.
00:55:37.000 It's just like, are you happier?
00:55:39.000 Is your life better because you're a juggalo?
00:55:41.000 If you've ever listened to the Insane Clown Posse's music, it is unironically pretty awesome.
00:55:47.000 I thought I was gonna hate it, but every song, it rules, it's just about clowns killing people.
00:55:52.000 It's just hard.
00:55:53.000 It's too a great beat.
00:55:53.000 It's horror rap.
00:55:55.000 Horror rap is amazing.
00:55:57.000 I am thoroughly, I said that festival's pretty amazing, and I'm thoroughly so just always impressed.
00:56:03.000 The music is subjective to anybody, but I'm like, what they've done I think is amazing.
00:56:07.000 They're incredible.
00:56:08.000 I mean, they are...
00:56:10.000 World famous known.
00:56:11.000 They just did the VMAs.
00:56:12.000 And they're kind of the only band that's ever pulled off having like a whole festival.
00:56:19.000 Yeah.
00:56:19.000 We're the second one.
00:56:21.000 It's them and us.
00:56:22.000 Without us doing The Gathering of the Juggalos, we wouldn't have even done Skankfest.
00:56:25.000 There's so much influence from The Gathering of the Juggalos, and our audience, there's a lot of crossover.
00:56:30.000 In fact, I'll say it now because it's too late for people to even go, but our secret guest is the Insane Clown Posse on Thursday night at the kickoff party.
00:56:36.000 Oh, that's amazing.
00:56:36.000 It's going to be sick.
00:56:37.000 That's amazing.
00:56:38.000 Dude, Legion of Skanks is one of the most important things in comedy.
00:56:41.000 You guys really are.
00:56:42.000 Thank you.
00:56:43.000 You really are.
00:56:44.000 I put you guys in the same, like, there's this brackets of like, Kill Tony, Legion of Skanks.
00:56:49.000 There's a thing about having these battlegrounds where you go, no, no, no, we're gonna say what we would say if we were fucking around together.
00:56:58.000 Like, you could deal with it, or you could not deal with it, but this is how we would, the conversations we're having are exactly like green room conversations.
00:57:06.000 Well, yeah, and I feel like now, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like almost like the tide has turned in some weird way, like it's kind of coming back.
00:57:14.000 It definitely has.
00:57:14.000 There were like these big moments, I think, like when they tried to cancel you and that didn't work.
00:57:21.000 Shane getting SNL, just like big things where it's kind of like, oh, they're almost admitting, okay, we lost the great censor-comedians war.
00:57:30.000 But for those years, I think it was good to have Legion of Skanks for a lot of those comics.
00:57:36.000 It was just like, well, this is the place where you could still do whatever you want to.
00:57:39.000 Yeah, we were just opening the door a little bit to say fucked up shit, and people would come on our show.
00:57:44.000 I mean, the amount of times people would be like, dude, should I have not said that on your show after they leave?
00:57:48.000 But you guys did a wise thing, too, though, because you were subscription-based, right?
00:57:53.000 So for the longest time, if you wanted to find out what you guys were talking about, you had to subscribe.
00:57:59.000 So you had, like, loyal subscribers.
00:58:00.000 But I was always just kind of like playing on that, too, is to kind of keep ourselves a little safe from...
00:58:05.000 We have our own platform, and we put out the version on YouTube, we put it out on iTunes, but we play by the rules there.
00:58:10.000 So we edit out all the shit you can say on those platforms, and if you want to see the real version the way that we do it, you gotta go subscribe.
00:58:17.000 And honestly, with YouTube, the way they started censoring everything, it actually now, because we've been doing this for like eight years, but now more than ever, a platform that we have is more important than ever, because now YouTube is super strict with everything we do.
00:58:30.000 We have to bleep things, we have to censor things, there's certain topics we can't even put in the podcast.
00:58:34.000 It's so wild that there's only really one YouTube.
00:58:37.000 Like if you had to predict at the beginning of the internet when they first started putting videos and like those little media players you'd get with Windows, who the fuck would have ever thought there would only be one streaming site that anybody cares about?
00:58:49.000 There's a few other ones, but nobody...
00:58:51.000 Google is like the search engine, but there's a whole bunch of other ones.
00:58:57.000 Google also bought out YouTube, and it was so smart the way they did it, but yeah, you can't go to...
00:59:03.000 No offense to Rumble, When you put the podcast on Rumble, nobody watches it.
00:59:06.000 There's a few shows that have big audiences on Rumble.
00:59:10.000 They're bigger than Rumble.
00:59:12.000 Yes, that's kind of the dynamic.
00:59:15.000 Google and YouTube, which are one and the same now, it is amazing how they just became the thing for something that there's no clear reason why there should be one thing.
00:59:27.000 But nobody is like, if you say something and you go, is that true?
00:59:30.000 And I go, yeah, bing it.
00:59:31.000 The YouTube thing, though, it's like they have it so dialed in with, like, the recommendations and there's constant...
00:59:40.000 You could go down rabbit hole after rabbit hole after rabbit hole and never find the end and be endlessly entertained and it encourages you to keep looking at other stuff, keep showing you other stuff constantly.
00:59:51.000 And all the power in the universe is that algorithm now.
00:59:55.000 It's insane how much that...
00:59:57.000 A formula has this much power, and if YouTube decides we're going to push this person, they could make someone one of the most influential people in the world.
01:00:08.000 It's not even like the industry.
01:00:10.000 The industry has become tech nerds that are in charge of all these algorithms, and who knows how it works?
01:00:15.000 Who knows when they just pick and choose?
01:00:17.000 All I know is YouTube thinks I want to see Ben Shapiro a lot more than I want to see Ben Shapiro.
01:00:22.000 YouTube's like, I'm pretty sure you're going to love this guy.
01:00:24.000 What I told you yesterday, right, the guy's name I asked you about, because I just found him yesterday, was Kirk?
01:00:30.000 Charlie Kirk?
01:00:31.000 Charlie Kirk.
01:00:31.000 Yeah, he's big.
01:00:32.000 I watched him and Ben Shapiro yell at college kids.
01:00:35.000 That's the video.
01:00:36.000 That is such a weird one.
01:00:37.000 That is such a weird one when you sit down with, like, young kids that don't know what the fuck they're talking about.
01:00:42.000 They've never been on camera ever.
01:00:43.000 And you give them a microphone.
01:00:46.000 Even if they're willing to sign the release, the 19-year-olds don't know what the fuck they're saying.
01:00:52.000 One girl was getting dominated on the thing, and I was gonna say that she even says it where I do, even though I'm kind of like, lady, you sound dumb, I felt genuinely bad for her when she goes, He gave her, like, some kind of smarmy, like, you know, and she just kind of goes, uh, she's like,
01:01:07.000 well, I'm sorry, I'm nervous.
01:01:09.000 Like, I don't talk on microphone a lot, like, I think you do.
01:01:11.000 So, like, I'm so, and I was almost like, yeah, dude, like, you're getting, you're like, housing her, and when no one, she says something, and everyone's around and starts booing, and she starts kind of, like, smiling, but it's not a smile of, like, bring it on.
01:01:21.000 She's doing the smile of, like, I don't know what to do.
01:01:23.000 Like, she's, like, scary.
01:01:24.000 I've just been frozen before a lot.
01:01:26.000 It makes me feel bad.
01:01:27.000 Not only that, but then that girl now is internet famous.
01:01:30.000 Right?
01:01:31.000 So did she really understand what she was doing?
01:01:33.000 Like, did she really understand what the consequences of that are when you're 19 or whatever age she is?
01:01:38.000 Also, if you're an adult and you're arguing with a child, a 19-year-old, a 20-year-old, the goal of it, it should always be with the tone of a like, well, look, let me give you something to consider.
01:01:51.000 Like, maybe I get why you feel that way, but like, hey, maybe look at it this way.
01:01:55.000 It should never be like, I want to have the crowd go, ah!
01:01:58.000 Oh, you destroy!
01:02:00.000 It's like, what are you doing, dude?
01:02:01.000 It's almost like when you ever see a comedian who's like a kid, like a 16 or a 15-year-old kid, I just have a hard time ever really enjoying him because I'm going like, you have no idea.
01:02:11.000 You've lived absolutely no experiences.
01:02:12.000 You have no perspective on the world or anything.
01:02:15.000 Maybe you understand how to tell a joke, but it's kind of, yeah.
01:02:19.000 Oh, that's what it does.
01:02:20.000 That's what I'm making someone famous on America's Got Talent, something like that.
01:02:23.000 And you're like, what are you doing?
01:02:24.000 I became friends with Chappelle when he was 19. I saw Chappelle when he was 19. He's doing like...
01:02:28.000 And he was also savant though.
01:02:29.000 He was, but he also did a thing that was really interesting where he would do outside shows.
01:02:34.000 He would just throw a hat down and start doing stand-up on the street.
01:02:37.000 No, anywhere.
01:02:38.000 Oh, yeah?
01:02:39.000 He did it in Montreal.
01:02:39.000 He did it right in front of the Club Soda.
01:02:42.000 We did a show and then Chappelle goes outside and fucking does stand-up to people in the street.
01:02:48.000 And they all gathered round.
01:02:49.000 And he was doing stand-up in the street in Montreal.
01:02:52.000 Crushing?
01:02:52.000 Crushing.
01:02:52.000 Crushing.
01:02:54.000 And this was him at 19. Yeah.
01:02:56.000 So no, he's not famous at all.
01:02:58.000 Maybe he was a couple years older by then.
01:03:00.000 Well, 19 he got his first deal.
01:03:02.000 So this was 94, I want to say.
01:03:07.000 I did the Montreal Comedy Festival with him, and I met him in like 91, somewhere around then.
01:03:14.000 So how old was Dave in 1991?
01:03:18.000 He did Robin Hood Men in Tights when he was 19, I believe.
01:03:22.000 Dude, it was crazy.
01:03:23.000 He would do this thing where he would just do stand-up out to people.
01:03:26.000 He was 19. He would just do stand-up on the street.
01:03:29.000 It was the craziest thing you'd ever seen, man.
01:03:32.000 If anybody did that now and put it on video, we would all mock them.
01:03:37.000 He learned how to do it from Charlie Barnett, and Charlie Barnett was like a famous New York comic that got on Saturday Night Live but couldn't read.
01:03:44.000 Couldn't read, so that's how Eddie Murphy got the gig.
01:03:46.000 Yeah.
01:03:47.000 That's why he lost the gig, because he couldn't read the scripts?
01:03:50.000 Yeah, he was pretty popular.
01:03:52.000 Charlie Barnett was in DC Cab, right?
01:03:54.000 A couple things, and like...
01:03:55.000 He was a hilarious comic.
01:03:57.000 He was popping, and then, yeah, he couldn't read the cue cards, so they had to hire Eddie Murphy.
01:04:00.000 And I think he influenced Dave a lot in that, too.
01:04:04.000 That, like, he saw Charlie doing those.
01:04:05.000 Better learn how to read, Dave.
01:04:07.000 That poor guy, man, because he was super talented, supposedly.
01:04:14.000 The early influence of Tony Woods.
01:04:17.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.
01:04:19.000 But Tony Woods still is hilarious, too.
01:04:21.000 He's great.
01:04:21.000 He's doing the festival this year, right?
01:04:23.000 He was there last year.
01:04:24.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:04:25.000 He's awesome.
01:04:25.000 He did my podcast, and then we went to the Vulcan and did a show, and he murdered, man.
01:04:29.000 Oh, he's a killer, dude.
01:04:30.000 Really, really funny.
01:04:31.000 Low energy and levels.
01:04:34.000 Charismatic, though.
01:04:35.000 He's just so good at engaging with the crowd.
01:04:38.000 He's very good.
01:04:39.000 Some comedians just have that gift of luring you into their world.
01:04:44.000 Like, Nate Bargatze is very like that.
01:04:46.000 Like, when you watch him, you're just, like, you slow down, and you just kind of, like, sink into his speed.
01:04:51.000 I can't kill unless I'm yelling at the audience.
01:04:54.000 I'm screaming at the top of my lungs.
01:04:56.000 There's no two internal monologues.
01:04:58.000 But isn't that your personality?
01:05:01.000 That's more of your personality.
01:05:03.000 Imagine if you were forced to do Stephen Wright's act.
01:05:06.000 You'd be like, this is not me.
01:05:07.000 But for Stephen Wright, it's perfect.
01:05:09.000 For Stephen Wright, it's the fucking best act ever.
01:05:11.000 Well, Jay, you're very low energy.
01:05:13.000 You kind of bring them into you, but you sit down, which is like a...
01:05:16.000 That's by design, though, because...
01:05:18.000 You're lazy.
01:05:19.000 I said I watched it because I'm very lazy.
01:05:21.000 No, I watched...
01:05:22.000 Patrice like it's a it's a complete like Mimic of Patrice's things was watching him go from standing to sitting and seeing that the crowd some of the people That took him in is very like he's like looming over them and saying he's like crazy things Like being like turned off by that to seeing when he was laying back and letting them come into him He could say it like much more people like embrace that they were leaning into him and That makes sense.
01:05:47.000 And when you're a big guy, so that's what I just felt as a big presence.
01:05:49.000 I was like, I'm going to say all this kind of crazy shit.
01:05:51.000 Like, when I'm down over there, it looks like I'm pointing down at them.
01:05:54.000 Right, right.
01:05:54.000 Instead of letting them kind of like come into the stage.
01:05:56.000 That actually does make sense.
01:05:58.000 And also, they're sitting down too.
01:06:00.000 Why are you standing up?
01:06:01.000 Well, you're not moving around.
01:06:02.000 Unless you have some activity in your act.
01:06:04.000 If you've got some activity, if you've got some things you've got to act out a little bit, I get it.
01:06:08.000 When I started in the black comedy clubs, man, I was doing a straight Chris Rock pace.
01:06:13.000 Yeah.
01:06:13.000 Non-stop.
01:06:14.000 A lot of...
01:06:15.000 Direct finger point, you know what I'm talking about.
01:06:17.000 This guy know what I'm saying.
01:06:19.000 Yes, those are good.
01:06:20.000 Those juice the old act up.
01:06:22.000 Yeah, man.
01:06:24.000 It's interesting now, too, because Kill Tony's sort of a similar situation as getting interviewed by Charlie Kirk.
01:06:31.000 So these fucking dudes, for their first time ever, they do stand-up, and it's at Madison Square Garden.
01:06:37.000 Oh.
01:06:37.000 And they're just like, what the fuck?
01:06:39.000 And they go out there, and they're just frozen in the eyes of 16,000 people, and that's going to be them forever.
01:06:45.000 Everybody at work is like, look at Mikey Bauman.
01:06:47.000 Look at Mikey Bauman.
01:06:48.000 This fucking idiot thought he was funny.
01:06:50.000 And then the comments, all your neighbors.
01:06:53.000 The guy right before me just got booed.
01:06:56.000 I couldn't even hear what he got booed for.
01:06:58.000 I just know he followed a handicapped guy who gave a sweet emotional speech about being handicapable, and then he walked off.
01:07:05.000 And I said, the other guy just got out there, and they were like, Fuck this biped piece of shit.
01:07:10.000 He was like, whatever it is, dude, a show like Kill Tony, if you're good looking, it's held against you pretty quickly.
01:07:18.000 It's like, fuck you, dude, where are your burn scars?
01:07:22.000 Like the rest of Earth.
01:07:27.000 It's a microcosm.
01:07:28.000 Well, you see someone that's good-looking, and they've got a spotlight on him.
01:07:31.000 Fuck you!
01:07:33.000 It's like a natural inclination.
01:07:34.000 I think there's a subconscious thing, though.
01:07:36.000 I think we good-looking people, we want to grease the wheels for a little bit.
01:07:39.000 Good-looking people have it pretty easy in life.
01:07:41.000 In comedy, it's just a weird thing.
01:07:44.000 It's just you almost give them a little bit like...
01:07:45.000 Because humor is the weapon of the not-good-looking person to counteract this.
01:07:49.000 So you're immediately going like...
01:07:51.000 You're hot.
01:07:52.000 You don't have a fucking personality.
01:07:53.000 Get out of here.
01:07:55.000 Don't fuck yourself.
01:07:55.000 Even though there are good looking people who are hilarious and have good personalities, but generally speaking...
01:08:03.000 Generally speaking, it's not likely.
01:08:05.000 Schumer had a thing one time, she said, I saw her on stage at the Cellar once, and it was about her and her boyfriend meeting Kate Upton, and she walked away to go get something to drink, whatever, and when he came back, her husband said to Amy, she's great,
01:08:20.000 man, and she said the funniest story.
01:08:22.000 I was like, fuck you, dude.
01:08:24.000 It's like, come on, man, don't.
01:08:26.000 You learn to be funny.
01:08:28.000 People are like, dude, George Clooney, that prankster, he's the best.
01:08:33.000 That guy is the funniest dude.
01:08:34.000 You're like, he's fine at best, I'm sure.
01:08:36.000 Relax.
01:08:37.000 It's a personality trait to get laid.
01:08:39.000 We all learn to be funny when we're kids because we're not good-looking enough to get laid without it.
01:08:44.000 It's like, look, I either got to get funny or do donuts in the streets of Philadelphia.
01:08:48.000 It's easier to get funny.
01:08:49.000 I love when really good-looking actors tell you who to vote for.
01:08:55.000 They're my favorite!
01:08:56.000 They're my favorite!
01:08:58.000 These are the guys with all the wisdom, and then they're gonna tell you.
01:09:02.000 They're the same guys who told you to get vaccinated too, by the way.
01:09:06.000 Same guys.
01:09:06.000 The best was like early in it, like in March and April, when they would all take videos from their mansion and be like, we're all in this together.
01:09:14.000 I would also stay home.
01:09:17.000 $30 million in the bank.
01:09:20.000 Imagine twirling a Tom Collins with your finger on a raft.
01:09:25.000 If they look from the future, if we go into apocalyptic times, do you think they'll look back on the shutting down of the country for a year and a half as the trigger that made society begin to collapse?
01:09:36.000 I don't think they will.
01:09:37.000 They'll never acknowledge they were wrong.
01:09:39.000 We probably will.
01:09:41.000 Do you think they'll look back at this time and be like, this was the fall of Rome?
01:09:45.000 Dude, there's gonna be a lot of books written about this period in time.
01:09:48.000 I think it's the internet.
01:09:49.000 The internet is the beginning of the end for everything.
01:09:52.000 Yeah, but it's not, because the internet didn't shut the fucking country down for a year and a half.
01:09:57.000 The internet didn't do that.
01:09:58.000 That's the way they shared the ideas that quickly.
01:10:00.000 Yeah, but it's a very specific group of people who decided that was a good idea.
01:10:05.000 Nah, you wouldn't have had anyone even fighting back against it if it wasn't for the internet.
01:10:08.000 It would have all just been the CNN guys.
01:10:11.000 Without the internet, they would have pulled that off so much easier.
01:10:13.000 They would have scared the shit out of you.
01:10:15.000 They pulled it off.
01:10:16.000 Yeah, but this happened in the 1980s.
01:10:19.000 You would never know how many people died on respirators.
01:10:21.000 You would never know about any of that shit.
01:10:23.000 You wouldn't know about a goddamn thing they didn't want you to know about.
01:10:26.000 That's what's so scary about the media today.
01:10:29.000 When you hear about the Spanish flu, you're like, how do you know how many people died?
01:10:31.000 There was no internet.
01:10:32.000 There's no way.
01:10:34.000 Yeah, by the time you got your horse to the next place with the information, more people have died.
01:10:39.000 Bro, living back then, you were fucked.
01:10:41.000 If you lived in the city, the hygiene was insanely bad.
01:10:45.000 People would shit in these outhouses that were set up for the block.
01:10:49.000 There was all sorts of diseases, no food.
01:10:51.000 They never present that.
01:10:52.000 I think that always when I watch Tombstone stuff, and Kurt Russell and a girl went off into the woods to go kiss, and I'm like, I bet her armpits smell like shit.
01:11:01.000 She's gum disease.
01:11:03.000 Everybody smelled like shit.
01:11:04.000 You had a shit in a hole in the ground.
01:11:05.000 They hadn't even invented toilet paper back then.
01:11:08.000 Who knows how they even wiped their ass?
01:11:10.000 Dude, you had to be so horny in the 1600s to just power through all of that to have sex.
01:11:15.000 It's a big hairy bush.
01:11:16.000 It stinks.
01:11:17.000 I guess you'd just be like a dog.
01:11:19.000 I'm going to put my chin in your shit-covered ass cheeks and eat your disgustingly smelly, hairy pussy.
01:11:23.000 Dogs don't give a shit what anything smells like, and I guess you just get used to stuff.
01:11:28.000 I guess so.
01:11:29.000 It was probably hot, dude.
01:11:30.000 Dude, a stinky pussy was probably hot in the 1600s.
01:11:33.000 By 1880, horses in New York City deposited 4 million pounds of manure on city streets every day.
01:11:39.000 In dry weather, it would turn to fecal dust and choke pedestrians.
01:11:44.000 Vacant lots were filled with the waste.
01:11:46.000 These manure piles would rise up to 60 feet high.
01:11:51.000 Now it's called Staten Island.
01:11:52.000 60 feet high.
01:11:53.000 Dude, if you fell from 60 feet, you're dead.
01:11:56.000 Save me all that shit about carbon emissions, by the way.
01:11:59.000 We're doing great.
01:12:00.000 This is way better than what it used to be.
01:12:02.000 Oh my god, you're breathing shit air.
01:12:04.000 Everyone was sick.
01:12:06.000 I'll tell you who's right now nodding their head.
01:12:08.000 He goes, yeah, that's why I'm the guy who invented that bag that goes behind the horses' asses.
01:12:12.000 Isn't it amazing, though, that the invention of the internal combustion engine and the adoption of cars by everybody and the abandonment of driving horses literally stopped there from being shit air throughout every city street?
01:12:28.000 Shit air.
01:12:30.000 Hot summertime shit air.
01:12:33.000 I was born in Newark.
01:12:35.000 I've been there.
01:12:36.000 It's not much better smelling in Newark.
01:12:39.000 I lived there in the 1990s.
01:12:42.000 Was it bad when you lived there?
01:12:44.000 It was horrible.
01:12:44.000 I lived with my grandfather to saving up money to get an apartment.
01:12:49.000 When I first moved to New York, I didn't have enough money for an apartment.
01:12:51.000 And my grandfather lived on North 9th Street in Newark.
01:12:55.000 And he was there from the blockbusting days.
01:12:57.000 So he bought a house there like in the 1940s or 50s.
01:13:01.000 And then in the 60s, they came by and they said, black people are moving into your neighborhood.
01:13:05.000 Sell now.
01:13:06.000 And it was like a real estate scam.
01:13:08.000 And then they would try to sell to black people and just like get money out of all these houses.
01:13:12.000 And my grandfather, it was an Italian community.
01:13:14.000 My grandfather's like, I love black people.
01:13:16.000 I don't give a fuck.
01:13:17.000 Get out of here.
01:13:17.000 This is my house.
01:13:18.000 And he wasn't moving.
01:13:20.000 Your grandfather's old enough also that he's like, I was the black person five minutes ago.
01:13:24.000 Exactly.
01:13:24.000 What do you mean?
01:13:25.000 Yeah, when he moved here, he came here straight from Italy.
01:13:28.000 And he told me it was horrific.
01:13:31.000 The term WAP, I always think it was funny.
01:13:33.000 If you stay around him, he would get angry.
01:13:35.000 Someone called somebody a guinea, he would get angry.
01:13:38.000 Classic WAP behavior, am I right?
01:13:40.000 Exactly, but it's like, he was a peaceful guy, but he would just get, like, that was a terrible thing that they used to call us when we were kids.
01:13:47.000 But, you know, that's like, that's not that long ago, man.
01:13:51.000 No, that's what's really crazy.
01:13:53.000 Although, like, Basically across the country, even like California, but like all the like areas that you think of as like the hood, it's like Oakland or Compton or Newark or Crown Heights or any of the, those were all white areas up until like the 60s and then like a bunch of black people from the south came up and then all the white people left.
01:14:12.000 And they did do these scams.
01:14:16.000 A lot of it was like pushed by these real estate guys and they would like purposely fuck up a neighborhood to make money off of it.
01:14:23.000 And then there was redlining, where, like, they wouldn't sell to black people outside certain lines.
01:14:28.000 Like, that was a Baltimore issue, too.
01:14:29.000 Well, my grandmother, it was funny, the neighborhood I grew up in, like, was Jewish and black, and then down the next neighborhood was Italian.
01:14:39.000 Everyone started, it became predominantly black by the time I moved up to my grandmother.
01:14:43.000 Till like two years before she died and was in her nursing home Stayed in that house and did not scare the old people at all It didn't like as it changed around them.
01:14:51.000 It didn't scare there be literally people like On her front step like her neighbors like a bunch like teenagers like rapping with a loud stereo And she would just be like oh they're nice Like they call me Miss Jeanette and so whatever my grandma my grandma was delightfully racist I mean,
01:15:07.000 she didn't give a fuck.
01:15:09.000 My grandma Rose, in her mind, the only brown person at the table had the most racist white grandmother.
01:15:13.000 My grandma was, like, openly racist.
01:15:16.000 She didn't give a shit.
01:15:17.000 My Aunt Emory, to this day, she's a little racist.
01:15:19.000 I think the penalty of being a Puerto Rican that's racist is less than the penalty of being, like, an Irish.
01:15:23.000 No, but she was white.
01:15:23.000 No, she was Italian.
01:15:24.000 She was Italian.
01:15:25.000 I'm half Italian-Irish.
01:15:27.000 Oh, okay.
01:15:27.000 Yeah, yeah, and no, they would literally, I would be at the dinner table, and I remember one Thanksgiving, my grandma said, because I was getting picked on by white kids in the neighborhood, because it was like a white trash neighborhood, and I was the only brown kid, and my grandma was like, you know, it's not his fault that he's an N-word.
01:15:43.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:15:44.000 She was right.
01:15:46.000 It's not your fault.
01:15:47.000 You didn't choose it.
01:15:48.000 It's not my fault.
01:15:49.000 Yeah, that's what the original Good Will Hunting was.
01:15:51.000 Not you, Grandma.
01:15:51.000 Not you.
01:15:52.000 I just go hug black people with Good Will Hunting them.
01:15:55.000 That's what I call it.
01:15:56.000 It's not your fault.
01:15:57.000 It's not my fault.
01:15:58.000 It's not your fault.
01:16:00.000 Not you, Jay.
01:16:01.000 Don't you do this, Jay.
01:16:02.000 Have you guys seen that Matt Walsh movie, Am I Racist?
01:16:05.000 I haven't seen the new one.
01:16:06.000 I watched the trailer today.
01:16:07.000 What's it out on there?
01:16:08.000 It's really funny.
01:16:09.000 I've heard great things about it.
01:16:11.000 It's a top ten movie in the country right now.
01:16:14.000 Yeah.
01:16:14.000 I think it's like, what number is it?
01:16:16.000 Well, the first one was great.
01:16:17.000 Which is crazy.
01:16:17.000 Dude, it's got no press.
01:16:19.000 No press reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, but custom reviews is 99%, which is wild.
01:16:25.000 Yeah.
01:16:25.000 Like, no one will review it.
01:16:27.000 Why?
01:16:28.000 Because it's funny.
01:16:30.000 And he's not being sanctimonious.
01:16:32.000 He's not like talking down to people or preaching to them.
01:16:35.000 He's just showing how nutty all these fucking people on these struggle sessions with white people.
01:16:40.000 The other one was great.
01:16:42.000 I think it's better.
01:16:43.000 It's better than that.
01:16:44.000 Because this one's really funny.
01:16:45.000 What does a woman at certain times be like, Well, the trailer says it's a comedy.
01:16:49.000 Yeah.
01:16:49.000 He calls it a comedy.
01:16:50.000 It is a comedy.
01:16:51.000 I don't think the other one really was pushed as that.
01:16:53.000 But he's essentially doing a right-wing version of one of those Sacha Baron Cohen type shows.
01:17:00.000 He's essentially doing that.
01:17:01.000 He's sitting down with these people, and he's pretending that he is with them, and he wants to know how he could do better.
01:17:08.000 Number seven.
01:17:09.000 Number seven in the fucking country with no press, man.
01:17:12.000 It made two and a half million this weekend.
01:17:14.000 Do you know how nutty that is to have no press and have a show take off and become a top ten movie in the country?
01:17:21.000 It's pretty wild.
01:17:22.000 And no press reviews at all.
01:17:25.000 It's an interesting time, man.
01:17:27.000 It's interesting.
01:17:29.000 And it is, like, the thing that was real interesting about the first one, and I think probably is true about this, although I haven't seen it yet, is that even though he's obviously like a real right-winger, it's not like that's the movie.
01:17:40.000 Like, the movie isn't even making a right-wing argument or anything like that.
01:17:43.000 It's just like...
01:17:45.000 Letting these crazy left-wingers showcase how crazy they are.
01:17:48.000 Exactly.
01:17:49.000 Okay, you tell them.
01:17:50.000 Like, it was nuts.
01:17:51.000 He just went up to these, in the first one that I did see, he just went up to these gender experts and just kept asking them what a woman is.
01:17:59.000 It was crazy.
01:18:00.000 And they all just collapse into themselves.
01:18:02.000 Like, this is the toughest question.
01:18:04.000 The trans woman he asked outside was the best, because they were like, well, what is a woman?
01:18:08.000 And she goes, I think I want to go.
01:18:10.000 No.
01:18:11.000 They've tried to boil it down.
01:18:14.000 I think I saw somebody do this the other day to try to come up with a logical explanation.
01:18:18.000 It was something really ridiculous.
01:18:21.000 Although recognizing that there are biological differences, a woman is anybody who tells you they're a woman.
01:18:32.000 So this is like the loophole.
01:18:34.000 While recognizing that Harry probably can't get pregnant, he is now Harrietta.
01:18:38.000 And that's just it.
01:18:40.000 That's just it.
01:18:41.000 There's no conversation that can be had here.
01:18:43.000 And in some countries, they're talking about jailing people.
01:18:46.000 Was it Scotland that had something about a proposal about literally jailing people for misgendering people?
01:18:54.000 Oh, yeah, I mean that's like a big discussion always.
01:18:56.000 Yeah, but it's fucked.
01:18:57.000 But they were talking about putting people in a fucking cage.
01:18:59.000 Yeah, it's insane.
01:19:00.000 Like find out where that was.
01:19:01.000 Was that in Scotland?
01:19:02.000 It's the thing that happened in Canada, a guy got sent to jail for mischief.
01:19:07.000 He wouldn't agree to call his son or daughter or vice versa.
01:19:10.000 I mean, how many people are actually legitimately trans?
01:19:12.000 It's like 0.001% of people are actually trans.
01:19:15.000 Well, now it's way higher than that with young people because there's not...
01:19:18.000 It's not a real thing to be in trans anymore.
01:19:21.000 It's the new goth, dude.
01:19:21.000 I was three steps away from racing my cars and doing donuts, and also three steps away from becoming trans.
01:19:27.000 They're just like Moonies.
01:19:30.000 By the way, ironically, if you were Asian, you would have been better at both things.
01:19:38.000 Maybe, possibly.
01:19:38.000 You would have been a tough sale as a chick.
01:19:40.000 No, dude, I look good as a chick.
01:19:41.000 First of all, me and Dave dressed up as chicks years ago to make fun of the guys.
01:19:44.000 We fucked podcasts.
01:19:45.000 We mocked them.
01:19:46.000 We did.
01:19:46.000 We did a sketch dressing up as them, and I looked fucking good.
01:19:49.000 I'm sure you did, but there's not a lot of dudes that are going to want to climb you.
01:19:53.000 I'm telling you right now.
01:19:54.000 You're an intimidating lady.
01:19:56.000 You're a big lady, man.
01:19:57.000 You're a scary lady.
01:19:58.000 Yeah, if I decide to go to a lady, I have to date.
01:19:59.000 Claim the new Scottish law with jail people for misgendering is false.
01:20:02.000 And look, they have Elon's picture.
01:20:05.000 Why did he get brought into it?
01:20:06.000 What is the actual truth?
01:20:07.000 What is the actual truth?
01:20:08.000 If I became a woman, though, I already know what I'm fucking skinny black dudes.
01:20:12.000 Is misgendering a crime?
01:20:13.000 What does it say?
01:20:14.000 Jay, you're gonna move.
01:20:15.000 False.
01:20:15.000 According to law professors, I guess.
01:20:17.000 According to Adam Tom...
01:20:18.000 Oh, one guy.
01:20:20.000 Well, I'll trust him.
01:20:22.000 Misgendering could only be considered a hate crime if it was done in a way that a reasonable person would consider to be threatening or abusive.
01:20:29.000 Wait a minute.
01:20:30.000 That's pretty vague.
01:20:31.000 That means yes.
01:20:33.000 That doesn't mean no.
01:20:34.000 That doesn't mean it's false.
01:20:35.000 That means, if that's how you're gonna write it out, that a, in quotes, a reasonable person would consider to be threatening or abusive, who the fuck is reasonable?
01:20:44.000 How many people do you know that are reasonable?
01:20:48.000 They're gonna be able to decide whether or not you should be jailed?
01:20:50.000 Well, threatening is a little bit more concrete than abusive.
01:20:54.000 Abusive is really vague.
01:20:55.000 Like, what do you mean?
01:20:56.000 Verbally abusive?
01:20:57.000 If you're a 100-pound man and Lewis calls you a man name and you want to be called a woman's name, that could be threatening.
01:21:05.000 Right, right.
01:21:06.000 That could be threatening.
01:21:07.000 I mean, I also would have been threatening the guy, to be honest.
01:21:10.000 Why are you being a woman?
01:21:12.000 Ah, headbutt!
01:21:13.000 That's a weird thing.
01:21:15.000 Misgendering would only be considered a hate crime if it was done.
01:21:17.000 Okay, what does it say below that?
01:21:18.000 According to Adam Tompkins, a law professor and former conservative MSP, asserting that sex is a biological fact or that it is not changed just by virtue of the gender by which someone chooses to identify is not and never can be a hate crime under this legislation.
01:21:35.000 Okay, so he's saying that deadnaming someone will never be a crime.
01:21:39.000 Well, no, but see, even this is in a kind of a little bit vague way because he's saying asserting that sex is a biological fact.
01:21:46.000 So if I just say men are men and women are women, that can't be a crime.
01:21:49.000 But can calling an individual, like, could be like, no, you're not a woman, you're a man.
01:21:54.000 Could that be considered abusive or whatever?
01:21:57.000 It's all the interpretation.
01:21:58.000 Like, what is that, you know?
01:21:59.000 That's a very good point because this is just step one, right?
01:22:04.000 That's what it seems like to me.
01:22:05.000 Right, right, right.
01:22:06.000 So this is not saying, no, arguing with them, no, you're a man.
01:22:10.000 It's not changed by virtue of the gender by which someone chooses to identify is not and never can be a hate crime.
01:22:18.000 But, yeah, that is weird because, like, asserting that it's a biological fact...
01:22:25.000 What if you're arguing?
01:22:26.000 What if you're saying you're a man?
01:22:28.000 Is that harassment now?
01:22:29.000 Fuck you, I'm a woman.
01:22:30.000 You're a fucking man.
01:22:31.000 And if you're getting in one of those exchanges, what's that then?
01:22:34.000 You know what I mean?
01:22:34.000 If I call somebody an asshole, they're not literally an asshole, right?
01:22:38.000 So technically isn't it all just sort of like deciding what words have power and what words don't?
01:22:43.000 100% because if you're not swearing and this person's swearing back at you that wants to be called a woman, fuck you, you fucking cocksucker.
01:22:50.000 I am a woman.
01:22:51.000 And you're like, no, you're not.
01:22:52.000 You're a dude.
01:22:54.000 Like, you're, like, standing your ground in that situation, right?
01:22:57.000 That could also be the case.
01:22:58.000 What if you don't threaten them, but, like, if you hypothetically...
01:23:01.000 Like, if that dude was like, I am a woman, and I was like, if you were a woman, I'd slap the shit out of you right now.
01:23:06.000 But you're a man, so I'm afraid you might beat my ass.
01:23:09.000 Like, I didn't actually threaten them.
01:23:11.000 That's a good balance, because you're putting yourself in the...
01:23:13.000 You're not saying...
01:23:14.000 I beat your ass.
01:23:16.000 You're saying, I'm gonna get fucked up.
01:23:17.000 I don't know.
01:23:18.000 Do you train?
01:23:19.000 That's very well phrased.
01:23:21.000 What's to be said for feeling how you feel and also just not giving a shit?
01:23:25.000 Do you know what I'm saying?
01:23:25.000 I feel like, as I said before, I think they should not give hormones or any kind of operations to children to change their gender.
01:23:33.000 Imagine that being a radical idea.
01:23:35.000 But also, they're not making it illegal.
01:23:39.000 They're doing it.
01:23:40.000 I'm like, Well, now I want to see a five-year-old with tits.
01:23:42.000 Like, now I want to see it.
01:23:44.000 I'm against it.
01:23:45.000 I just want to go.
01:23:46.000 They already did it, so I'm going to go, let me see.
01:23:49.000 You're not even allowed to say that.
01:23:50.000 Yeah, you're not even allowed to say that.
01:23:51.000 To say what?
01:23:52.000 But it's a boy's tits.
01:23:55.000 That's the thing that's weird.
01:23:57.000 It's like, the nipple thing is odd, right?
01:23:59.000 Didn't New York City, didn't they free the nipple where you can walk around with your tits out?
01:24:02.000 I believe so, yeah.
01:24:03.000 Do you ever see it?
01:24:03.000 Yeah, once in a while.
01:24:04.000 In the park.
01:24:06.000 Is there ever a parent that you're really looking forward to seeing?
01:24:10.000 Rarely, but once in a while in a park you'll see a nice pair of tits.
01:24:13.000 Wait, just fully topless?
01:24:14.000 What's the spring called?
01:24:16.000 Barton Springs.
01:24:17.000 So tops are optional there for girls.
01:24:19.000 Oh my goodness.
01:24:19.000 I brought my son there, dude.
01:24:21.000 He was 10 years old, and I just saw him staring at this girl's tits, and it's all hot chicks.
01:24:24.000 It's all like hot Austin chicks.
01:24:26.000 Of course, they're being free.
01:24:27.000 They do ketamine.
01:24:28.000 Yay!
01:24:30.000 I remember James was just fucking keyed in on this girl's tits, and I was like, hey, what are you doing?
01:24:34.000 He was like, uh-uh.
01:24:35.000 He was like, it's natural, Dad.
01:24:36.000 Mom says the body's natural, so.
01:24:38.000 Mom says.
01:24:39.000 Mom says.
01:24:39.000 The fuck is she talking to you about?
01:24:41.000 Bro, imagine what people liked before they had clothes.
01:24:44.000 Just like chimps, just fucking every chance they could, just trees and shit.
01:24:49.000 Imagine before people figured out clothes, how wild it was.
01:24:52.000 I think we figured them out pretty early on in the game.
01:24:54.000 Close?
01:24:55.000 Yeah.
01:24:55.000 It was a leaf you put over your brain.
01:24:57.000 No, no, no.
01:24:58.000 It was millions of years of being sub-human hominids.
01:25:02.000 What I should say is I think pretty early in the game of being humans.
01:25:06.000 So whenever they trace the genetic to, like, this is when we consider you a modern homo sapien, I think one of the first things is close.
01:25:12.000 If we came out of the water, our dicks were so small, you threw something on quick.
01:25:16.000 I don't know if that's true.
01:25:17.000 I think it was all climate-based.
01:25:19.000 I think in Africa, like...
01:25:21.000 I mean, how much they probably covered their dicks?
01:25:24.000 Well, in Africa, there's still parts there.
01:25:25.000 But if you go to some places on the Amazon that are totally buck naked...
01:25:28.000 Well, in Africa, they have to cover their dicks, otherwise it's dangerous.
01:25:31.000 Eh, make a trip.
01:25:32.000 You don't need...
01:25:32.000 Just tie it back like a hair bun.
01:25:34.000 Like, they didn't need to stay warm, right?
01:25:37.000 So I think it was only when people started moving.
01:25:39.000 Yeah, you might be right about that.
01:25:40.000 I think it's a migration thing.
01:25:41.000 Because where human life evolved is the same area where, like, a lot of different primates evolved besides us.
01:25:48.000 Human beings got to Europe.
01:25:50.000 They got to Europe and they went, alright, let's cover our dicks and build some shit.
01:25:54.000 I know in the Bible they say it was like, you know, God gave us embarrassment at one point or whatever, but when did we really start getting embarrassed?
01:25:59.000 It was cold!
01:26:00.000 Who was the first guy that was like, oh, my dick is small, I don't want people to see this?
01:26:04.000 I hope we don't find out or Sebastian's not going to have anything to talk about.
01:26:07.000 Aren't you embarrassed?
01:26:10.000 I think it's as soon as we started moving to places where it was cold and then we don't see people's dicks and pussies all day long, it kind of changes your behavior.
01:26:17.000 And it probably led to us saying, listen, we need a city and we need a wall.
01:26:22.000 We need to figure out how to block all these wild motherfuckers, these bare dick motherfuckers from coming over the hills.
01:26:29.000 That's probably what happened.
01:26:31.000 Probably people started getting really shy.
01:26:32.000 Because they were covering themselves up with animal skins to stay warm.
01:26:37.000 But why was it having a small dick?
01:26:39.000 I need to get to the bottom of this.
01:26:40.000 What was the problem with having a small dick that everyone was like, you need to cover that little dick up?
01:26:45.000 Well, you know, the Romans thought that having a big dick was gross.
01:26:49.000 The big dick was a sign of a barbarian.
01:26:52.000 That's why they had little dicks on all those giant dudes.
01:26:55.000 The odds of, if you look at some of Michelangelo's statues, the odds of those guys not having a massive hog are very small.
01:27:03.000 That is, a dude built like Francis Ngannou All of those kings and all those like important people they literally commissioned them to build them like they were gods and they would build the statues bigger than the statues of gods, right?
01:27:16.000 And you would think that they would give them a big fat hog.
01:27:19.000 Just a fucking hammer.
01:27:21.000 They all have little tiny dicks.
01:27:23.000 That's just the artist's signature.
01:27:25.000 Some person, just like the same people that are tricking people into thinking your cat can be non-binary, somebody back then tricked them into thinking that big dicks are bad.
01:27:33.000 And it's probably some conniving little dick thing.
01:27:36.000 Some genius.
01:27:38.000 Some little motherfucker.
01:27:39.000 Who's a traveler from Asia?
01:27:40.000 He's like, oh, Saul.
01:27:42.000 Ew, get your big dick out of here!
01:27:43.000 Oh, look at the hog on that guy, though.
01:27:45.000 What's that one from?
01:27:47.000 Oh my god, look at his fucking dong.
01:27:51.000 Look at his dong.
01:27:52.000 And look at all the extra skin he's got at the front of his dong.
01:27:55.000 That guy must be libertarian.
01:27:56.000 It looks like a fucking hawk's face.
01:27:57.000 By the way, that's the only one that's uncircumcised of all these.
01:28:01.000 Well, once they're hard, it pops out, you know?
01:28:03.000 Look at these animals.
01:28:05.000 Jesus!
01:28:06.000 What is that from?
01:28:07.000 My bedroom.
01:28:10.000 That's what I keep my bracelets on.
01:28:12.000 But look at that one right there.
01:28:13.000 The guy has a tiny dick.
01:28:14.000 The one in the...
01:28:15.000 No.
01:28:16.000 Yeah, right there.
01:28:16.000 Look at that.
01:28:17.000 Tiny dick.
01:28:18.000 I would say average size, Joe.
01:28:20.000 For that guy's body.
01:28:21.000 Yeah, but everybody can't stay fucking boned up while they're posing for the fucking statue.
01:28:27.000 Yeah, Jesus Christ, Joe.
01:28:27.000 Leave the man alone.
01:28:28.000 It's not a bad dick.
01:28:29.000 I think it's weirder than that guy was so hard.
01:28:31.000 No, no.
01:28:32.000 That's normal.
01:28:33.000 That's normal.
01:28:34.000 That's normal.
01:28:34.000 Walking around Heil Hitler and with a jack rod.
01:28:39.000 He goes, oh, Michelangelo, Michelangelo, paint this!
01:28:43.000 Sculpt this for me.
01:28:44.000 Bro, I don't care what your excuse is.
01:28:46.000 If anybody ever gets a picture of you, Heil Hitler, go back to that picture.
01:28:49.000 With a giant hog.
01:28:51.000 The one that you just had with a guy, Heil Hitler.
01:28:53.000 His hand was upside down.
01:28:56.000 Clearly a Heil Hitler to me, bro.
01:28:58.000 Is it the one, the white one?
01:28:59.000 Yeah, that one right there.
01:29:00.000 Click on that, bro.
01:29:01.000 That's Heil Hitler.
01:29:02.000 That's not the one, though.
01:29:03.000 He's walking like an Egyptian.
01:29:04.000 That's not the one you had.
01:29:05.000 That one's freakier.
01:29:06.000 This one looks like more modern.
01:29:07.000 This guy's playing music to his dick.
01:29:08.000 That last one looked like she was wearing high heels.
01:29:10.000 What was the one you just had up, Jamie?
01:29:12.000 It is...
01:29:13.000 Oh, that one right there.
01:29:14.000 That one right there.
01:29:15.000 To the left of that.
01:29:16.000 To the left.
01:29:16.000 Right here?
01:29:17.000 No, no, no.
01:29:17.000 In the middle.
01:29:18.000 In the middle.
01:29:18.000 The gray one.
01:29:20.000 Up one row.
01:29:20.000 Up one row.
01:29:22.000 To the right.
01:29:23.000 That's it.
01:29:24.000 Bam.
01:29:25.000 Bro, that guy's Heil Hitler.
01:29:28.000 That's how it started!
01:29:29.000 It started like this, and then they flipped it over.
01:29:32.000 It's like how you turn over a punch.
01:29:33.000 That was it.
01:29:34.000 He was getting ready to give a fucking strong one.
01:29:37.000 Look, the guy's got a giant heart on.
01:29:38.000 He's very excited.
01:29:40.000 He's Nazi on the left side and gay on the right side.
01:29:43.000 I was gonna say, they really are.
01:29:44.000 They make them sort of flamboyant-y, too.
01:29:46.000 Jamie, go back to that one and give us a description.
01:29:48.000 What does that mean?
01:29:49.000 I think it's still the same guy.
01:29:51.000 I think it's a guy with a big dick.
01:29:55.000 Don Lucas.
01:29:57.000 Oh, okay.
01:29:58.000 What's his name?
01:29:59.000 Greek God of Fertility, probably.
01:30:00.000 Oh, that's right.
01:30:00.000 Let's go.
01:30:01.000 Let's go, champ.
01:30:02.000 He's the only guy with a big dick in any of that art.
01:30:04.000 There's so many different versions of him, though.
01:30:06.000 Sometimes his dick is reasonable.
01:30:09.000 You know?
01:30:09.000 Really big, but reasonable.
01:30:11.000 Well, different states.
01:30:12.000 Yeah.
01:30:13.000 Sometimes he just fucked.
01:30:14.000 Sometimes he just got out of the shower.
01:30:15.000 But like the Sieg Heil one, he looked pretty reasonable.
01:30:18.000 Right?
01:30:19.000 It was a reasonable dick.
01:30:20.000 It was a big dick.
01:30:21.000 But some of them were like, hey man, come on.
01:30:23.000 Come on.
01:30:25.000 I mean, there's no way.
01:30:26.000 I've just gotten to an age now where I just go around the locker- Oh, shit.
01:30:29.000 Jesus!
01:30:29.000 I go around the locker room, uh, completely naked now, for the first time in my life.
01:30:33.000 Like, I think it's funny.
01:30:34.000 The men's locker, right?
01:30:35.000 The men's locker room, yeah, of course.
01:30:37.000 Just checking.
01:30:37.000 Men's, women, children.
01:30:39.000 It doesn't matter.
01:30:39.000 Lewis is in there.
01:30:40.000 But I think it's so funny to just be naked amongst men.
01:30:43.000 I don't like it.
01:30:43.000 With my little dick.
01:30:44.000 It's hilarious.
01:30:45.000 It makes them uncomfortable.
01:30:46.000 I don't like it at all.
01:30:47.000 And taking a little bouncy dick walk to a shower.
01:30:51.000 Nuts.
01:30:52.000 My little bird.
01:30:53.000 Yeah.
01:30:53.000 Now, fuck that.
01:30:54.000 Did you guys hear about that Canadian guy who was 50 years old who identified as a teenage girl?
01:30:59.000 He wanted to do a swim meet with teenage girls.
01:31:03.000 It is the next step.
01:31:05.000 I believe there was like an argument.
01:31:07.000 See if it's true.
01:31:07.000 If they let him actually into the locker room.
01:31:10.000 I want to make sure that this is true.
01:31:13.000 Like a girl's locker room.
01:31:14.000 Can you imagine?
01:31:15.000 You have a teenager.
01:31:17.000 What a dream.
01:31:17.000 It's gonna do a swimming event.
01:31:19.000 Oh.
01:31:19.000 This is like attached to a school?
01:31:22.000 50 year old trans swimmer shared locker room while competing against teens.
01:31:26.000 Yeah, it's awesome.
01:31:27.000 And this is how crazy Canada's gotten.
01:31:31.000 They're just like the Moonies.
01:31:32.000 They're just like the Juggalos.
01:31:34.000 They're in a cult.
01:31:35.000 They don't realize they're in a cult.
01:31:37.000 But if you think this is a good idea, to let a 50-year-old guy who decides to identify as a woman change in a locker room with teenage girls because he identifies as a teenage girl...
01:31:48.000 You're out of your fucking mind.
01:31:49.000 Ladies, ladies.
01:31:50.000 It's just a bunch of us gals in here.
01:31:52.000 Let me be clear.
01:31:54.000 Does this person say they identify as a teenage girl?
01:31:57.000 This was a plan that I would have drummed up when I was 12 years old.
01:32:00.000 I don't think that's...
01:32:00.000 It was an event that teenage girls could be 16 and older.
01:32:04.000 I think it's just a locker.
01:32:05.000 She's going to a women's locker room in general.
01:32:07.000 Okay, 16 and older, this person's competing and is 16 and older?
01:32:11.000 So you could be any age?
01:32:13.000 Yeah.
01:32:13.000 Okay, so is there any evidence that this person identifies as a teenage girl, or is that just the internet?
01:32:20.000 That sounds like the internet, but I don't know.
01:32:24.000 Google that just in case.
01:32:25.000 I would like to know.
01:32:27.000 Because that makes it extra crazy and fun.
01:32:29.000 It does make it extra crazy and fun that people are like, okay.
01:32:34.000 It's the same way I feel about all the other things we talked about.
01:32:37.000 Like, the odds of you not being out of your fucking mind are really low.
01:32:41.000 They're really low.
01:32:42.000 Super low.
01:32:43.000 And the fact that everyone's like, yeah, inclusivity.
01:32:46.000 How?
01:32:47.000 How did we get to this Mooney point?
01:32:49.000 You should be allowed to say that some things are weird and crazy.
01:32:53.000 And that doesn't necessarily mean you have to hate them or be against them.
01:32:57.000 Comedians are weird and crazy.
01:32:58.000 We're all weird and crazy.
01:33:00.000 Okay, this is apparently, that means Wiseheart was swimming with young girls because of how fast or slow a swimmer is, not because she identifies as a young girl.
01:33:12.000 But the competition is presumably separated by gender, so there's an issue where Wiseheart is competing against females while being biologically male.
01:33:22.000 And also, I think, intact.
01:33:26.000 So which is also the weird one, right?
01:33:28.000 Like you could be a woman, but you don't even have to try that hard.
01:33:31.000 No, you don't have to do much.
01:33:33.000 Sorry, turn around real quick and hit you with my pussy on your back.
01:33:35.000 And you can go back and forth anytime you want.
01:33:37.000 You don't have to choose.
01:33:39.000 I'll call you your name if you cut your dick off.
01:33:41.000 Does anybody ever know?
01:33:42.000 If you don't cut your dick off, I'm not gonna call you.
01:33:44.000 Or maybe I will call your name, but I might fuck it up, but I think that's okay.
01:33:47.000 Either way, he's gonna check.
01:33:49.000 And we'll figure out.
01:33:50.000 We'll go from there.
01:33:52.000 It's just so nuts, man, that you're just giving this pervert pass.
01:33:55.000 That allows, because there's real trans people that are like, it's happened for all eternity.
01:34:02.000 There's something wiring, you feel female.
01:34:06.000 But there's also crazy people.
01:34:07.000 There's also real perverts.
01:34:09.000 And you're giving a pervert a Willy Wonka golden ticket.
01:34:13.000 I've gotten real good at calling people the gender they want.
01:34:17.000 If they...
01:34:18.000 Like, I still will fuck it up, but I find I'm pretty good at it.
01:34:21.000 If they look like a girl, if it's a guy transitioning to a girl, and they look like a girl, I say, I'm pretty good at all the she, but if I fuck it up, look at yourself.
01:34:31.000 That means that you...
01:34:33.000 You're not shaving enough or you haven't done whatever it is to make me call you because I'm pretty good at calling trans girls girls.
01:34:39.000 But it's also a weird thing to get stuck on because you have to agree to this thing.
01:34:45.000 And you have to agree to it.
01:34:47.000 Especially if you knew the person as one thing at one point in time and then they decided to change their name and gender and you're like...
01:34:54.000 This seems like you need a lot of attention.
01:34:56.000 What's going on here?
01:34:57.000 This is strange.
01:34:59.000 And you're getting mad if I fuck it up and call you Harry?
01:35:02.000 Well, that's the weirdest part of all of it.
01:35:04.000 You can't be mad at someone, especially if it's an honest mistake.
01:35:09.000 Thanks, ma'am!
01:35:11.000 That's what I'm saying.
01:35:12.000 The internet is such a bad place for it because everyone has such balls.
01:35:16.000 Everyone's a keyboard warrior on the internet.
01:35:17.000 Even people that are like, you know, bleeding heart liberals and people that are looking to, you know, they just, they find a place to go and have this voice.
01:35:26.000 Back in the day, if you were trans and you were like a man that was dressing up as a woman and you wanted to get mad at somebody about it, you had to get in their fucking face.
01:35:33.000 It wasn't going to happen.
01:35:34.000 And if you went to the village in New York City, they did.
01:35:37.000 They did get in your face.
01:35:38.000 They were aggressive back then.
01:35:39.000 You would get beat up in the West Village by a trans person.
01:35:41.000 Check.
01:35:41.000 Well, what's the one?
01:35:42.000 That's what I loved.
01:35:43.000 That was the GameStop video, right?
01:35:46.000 Yeah.
01:35:46.000 That was the famous one, right?
01:35:47.000 It was like, it's ma'am!
01:35:49.000 Stop calling me, sir!
01:35:50.000 And then it's like a- That's not how ma'ams talk, bro.
01:35:53.000 A GameStop nerd just going like, okay, sir.
01:35:56.000 It's like, oh!
01:35:57.000 Ah!
01:35:57.000 They start kicking over PlayStations.
01:36:00.000 See, that's the problem that women are having, is that these men who decide that they're women are now entering into these places that are just women's only, and women's events and women's things, and they're dominating like men do.
01:36:12.000 It was one of the very few points that I've had seeing that other side of it that I didn't for a long time.
01:36:19.000 So kind of recently.
01:36:20.000 It's like the argument in sports is almost like, oh, they're going to dominate and kick ass and it's basically a guy beating up a girl in this fight and all those things.
01:36:28.000 But then it was the scholarship thing.
01:36:29.000 I don't know why that never dawned on me before.
01:36:31.000 It's like, no, these girls are like, I was going to be the number one recruit out of my school.
01:36:35.000 And then this girl came in and made me look like I'm terrible because she's six foot five and, you know, 35 pounds more than me.
01:36:43.000 Yeah, it's nuts.
01:36:44.000 You're letting people cheat.
01:36:46.000 There's a reason why Title IX was invented.
01:36:49.000 It was invented so that women could be able to compete with other women.
01:36:53.000 And you can't have an exemption for that just based on feelings.
01:36:57.000 Because it's not about feelings.
01:36:59.000 It's about fairness in sports.
01:37:00.000 And the only way to make it fair is if you're an intact biological male, you have to compete against intact biological males.
01:37:08.000 You could still call yourself Debbie.
01:37:11.000 Get in aisle four, Debbie.
01:37:13.000 You're in lane four.
01:37:14.000 You're competing against Mark and Steve.
01:37:18.000 We're not children here.
01:37:20.000 We're not in a fairytale.
01:37:21.000 Is there no rational sect of the trans community?
01:37:23.000 I don't know if I've ever heard someone in the trans community come out and agree with that sentiment.
01:37:27.000 It's like, oh yes, no, we shouldn't be.
01:37:28.000 Oh, no, no, no.
01:37:29.000 Blair White.
01:37:30.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:37:30.000 Blair White.
01:37:31.000 And there's a bunch of people who are trans who basically come out and say, like, look, I know I'm not a woman.
01:37:37.000 I know I'm a man.
01:37:38.000 We shouldn't be around kids.
01:37:40.000 We shouldn't be competing in women's sports.
01:37:42.000 There's a decent amount of...
01:37:43.000 We shouldn't be around kids at all.
01:37:44.000 Blair White goes to these events where trans people...
01:37:48.000 And she gets called a Nazi and kicked out.
01:37:51.000 Yep.
01:37:52.000 Because she's the wrong side.
01:37:57.000 That was a sculpture.
01:37:59.000 No, I think she's gone through the whole thing.
01:38:05.000 It's like one day they're going to be able to manipulate chromosomes where you're not going to ever have to worry about that again.
01:38:10.000 They're going to be able to change you to a woman.
01:38:13.000 They're going to actually be able to do it.
01:38:15.000 I don't know if they're going to be able to do it to us, but somebody's lifetime in the future.
01:38:21.000 There's going to be people that are like...
01:38:22.000 What do you mean?
01:38:23.000 You know how people are like serial divorcees?
01:38:24.000 They're going to be getting married and divorced?
01:38:25.000 There's going to be people that go back and forth, man to woman, man to woman.
01:38:28.000 They're just going to be pigs.
01:38:29.000 They're just going to be dirty, greedy pigs that just want to fuck and get fucked and just...
01:38:35.000 I fucked myself last week.
01:38:38.000 Instead of saying I was a whore or like a womanizer, I was a bit of a woman in my 20s and then I did my 30s as a guy.
01:38:47.000 Yeah, some women are going to be looking for men who've only been men the whole time.
01:38:49.000 Well, that's the shit that's really weird.
01:38:51.000 You get teenagers that, like, they change and then a few years later they're like, oh yeah, it was a phase.
01:38:55.000 Of course, especially these poor girls that are getting mastectomies.
01:38:59.000 That's the real thing.
01:39:00.000 It's making a choice of goth at one point.
01:39:03.000 Imagine you had eyeliner tattooed when you were 16. The crazy thing is you don't let them get tattooed, but you will let them get gender-alternating surgery, which is just bananas.
01:39:13.000 Is that happening a lot in this country?
01:39:15.000 Gender-affirming.
01:39:15.000 Excuse me.
01:39:16.000 Gender-affirming surgery.
01:39:17.000 Not a lot.
01:39:18.000 Not a lot of surgeries under 18. There is a lot.
01:39:22.000 And when I say a lot, I think tens of thousands of the chemical shit, like the puberty blockers.
01:39:28.000 There's plenty of girls that are getting mastectomies very young.
01:39:30.000 There's photographs of them.
01:39:31.000 If you're doing that before you're an adult, you don't know what the fuck you're doing.
01:39:35.000 It's insane.
01:39:35.000 It's insane.
01:39:37.000 It's insane.
01:39:38.000 It's just nuts that people are agreeing to it just to be kind.
01:39:41.000 Look, there's also a real debate with surgeries like that about whether that should be allowed even after you're an adult.
01:39:47.000 And, like, I'm not even saying allowed.
01:39:48.000 Of course you should be allowed.
01:39:49.000 Shouldn't Steve-O be allowed to get fake tits if he wants to?
01:39:52.000 But listen, I'm not even saying allowed.
01:39:53.000 He got out of that, though.
01:39:54.000 Yeah, he got out of that.
01:39:55.000 He's not doing it.
01:39:56.000 Is he not doing it all, though?
01:39:58.000 I think he thought it was dangerous.
01:39:59.000 Yeah.
01:40:00.000 It was retarded.
01:40:01.000 Well, you also have to cut the muscle on a dude, I think.
01:40:04.000 All I'm saying is, there's...
01:40:06.000 Yeah, that's tough.
01:40:07.000 You have to go up in there.
01:40:07.000 It's got to pump out.
01:40:09.000 Yeah.
01:40:10.000 I think Steve-O made the right call.
01:40:12.000 I mean, look, it would have been a great bit.
01:40:14.000 But I think that's the only way it would have stuck out.
01:40:16.000 Because I don't think he has enough tissue in the front to give you a traditional, regular-type boob job.
01:40:21.000 All right.
01:40:22.000 I'll do it.
01:40:25.000 But my point is, like, Next man up.
01:40:27.000 If you're a grown woman and you're 40 years old, you decide to get your boobs removed, who the fuck am I to say you shouldn't be able to do that?
01:40:33.000 No, listen, look, I'm a libertarian.
01:40:35.000 I tend to agree with you.
01:40:36.000 But if there was a doctor and you asked them to just, like, remove my fully functioning left arm because I identify as a one-armed person or whatever...
01:40:46.000 And doctors were like, no, I'm unwilling to perform a surgery on you.
01:40:50.000 Well, I mean, they do jobs, they do boob jobs, they do so many elective surgeries that they already do.
01:40:55.000 Well, there's an elective preventative surgery that a lot of women do if they think they have that gene for breast cancer.
01:41:00.000 That's what Angelina Jolie did.
01:41:01.000 That's a little different.
01:41:02.000 Okay, Steve-O was supposed to level, he said, but the person in the supermarket spoke to Steve-O about the level of oppression that the trans people face in a pretty heartbreaking way, which made him realize, wow, maybe it's not all fun and games, after this he feared a stunt would seem like an exercise in celebrating violence against trans people.
01:41:21.000 And he decided to call it off.
01:41:22.000 Oh, so that's why he called it off.
01:41:24.000 I thought it was just, this is insane.
01:41:26.000 I'll tell you what, I have a feeling he was like, I don't want to do this, but then you can really get out of it by doing, making a nice speech like that's pretty great.
01:41:32.000 That would be a good move, because otherwise you're going to ruin your tits forever.
01:41:35.000 And then you'd have to go under another time to get them removed, and then you'd always have scars on your tits, and you're 50. When someone you're afraid to fight says they're going to fight you after school, and you go, Just what's that when we break the cycle of violence?
01:41:50.000 He's gonna dress up and go to a bike around I guess that was part of it.
01:41:52.000 Oh You get he thought it would get a crazy reaction out of a motorcycle riders who were checking me out before realizing who he was I would have considered to be better footage if I was to be beaten up at the motorcycle rally said you know what but the thing is like you could get fake tits put on you by Prosthetic people the same people that did like the penguin you ever see what's his name?
01:42:14.000 The handsome fella?
01:42:15.000 Colin Farrell.
01:42:16.000 The handsome fella, right?
01:42:18.000 They made him look disgusting for the penguin.
01:42:20.000 They can give you tits, bro.
01:42:21.000 You don't have to get them.
01:42:22.000 Yeah, and it'll look indistinguishable.
01:42:24.000 Yeah, and it's the same fucking stunt, Marilyn Manson.
01:42:27.000 But that's a painting, isn't it?
01:42:29.000 That was a prosthetic.
01:42:30.000 No, but it's also...
01:42:31.000 Is that something he wears?
01:42:32.000 Well, look, no cock either.
01:42:34.000 Do you know there's people that are doing that?
01:42:36.000 What?
01:42:36.000 They're just getting castrated because people want to be nulls.
01:42:39.000 They want to be nothing.
01:42:40.000 Is that a real thing?
01:42:41.000 Oh, yeah, it's a real thing.
01:42:42.000 But isn't that essentially what someone gets to surgery is doing?
01:42:44.000 Well, they're trying to get a hole.
01:42:46.000 Yeah, they want a pussy.
01:42:47.000 This is just like they become like the Unsullied from Day of Thrones.
01:42:51.000 Exactly.
01:42:51.000 They want no cock, no balls, no nothing.
01:42:53.000 How do you pee?
01:42:54.000 Let's go, champ.
01:42:55.000 You don't have to pee.
01:42:56.000 Little hole.
01:42:57.000 Piss out a little piss hole.
01:43:02.000 You know, I don't want you to do that, but if you're an American, I feel like you should have the freedom to do something stupid.
01:43:10.000 You know, I'm covered in tattoos.
01:43:11.000 You want to get your dick chopped off?
01:43:13.000 Who the fuck am I to tell you?
01:43:14.000 You're never gonna hear a thing where someone goes, you cut your dick off?
01:43:17.000 Best thing I ever did.
01:43:19.000 Probably not, but some people just don't want to be around.
01:43:21.000 Well, there was that, like, Pain Olympics thing back in the day where the guys would mutilate their cocks, and you're like, what are you- I mean, you only got one shot to slice your dick in half.
01:43:28.000 Like, that's it.
01:43:29.000 I saw plenty of those videos where guys just chop the head of their dicks off with knives.
01:43:33.000 It's insane.
01:43:37.000 I mean, how good is that orgasm?
01:43:39.000 You get it one time ever.
01:43:41.000 I don't even think they're orgasm.
01:43:42.000 They're soft.
01:43:42.000 They're not sliced into a hard dick.
01:43:44.000 They'd bleed out.
01:43:45.000 Just spray.
01:43:47.000 Just fucking spray.
01:43:48.000 All right, Joe.
01:43:49.000 Suffering in silence to the dumb conversation we're having.
01:43:52.000 Can you imagine what a terrible time to get your dick chopped off?
01:43:53.000 How good is the choking?
01:43:56.000 Guys break their dicks, they have sex, and then their dicks bend down.
01:44:00.000 Peyronie's disease.
01:44:01.000 An enthusiastic young lady might get a little bobbly on the top and let it slip a little and taint slam you.
01:44:07.000 How can they not tell?
01:44:09.000 Like Anderson Silva's shin.
01:44:11.000 How can these ladies not tell that they're at the end of the dick when they're jumping up so high?
01:44:16.000 They're having a good time, Jay.
01:44:17.000 They're having a good time.
01:44:18.000 But you know we're walking on...
01:44:20.000 I know.
01:44:20.000 I know when we're on the tightrope.
01:44:21.000 When we're walking that tightrope, the come-ups are coming up too high on her.
01:44:26.000 I've had it happen a few times, but obviously no real injury.
01:44:30.000 She might have been with that Heil Hitler dude before you.
01:44:32.000 She's used to a little bit of travel in her suspension.
01:44:35.000 She's like, no, we've got plenty of time.
01:44:37.000 She wants that raptor-type travel.
01:44:39.000 Boom, boom.
01:44:39.000 She wants some fucking...
01:44:41.000 Some lift.
01:44:42.000 You should have that thing like on the back of your car where it's like, boop, [...
01:44:46.000 You guys, we're getting close.
01:44:47.000 We're getting close here.
01:44:48.000 Just have some sort of a strapping system, you know, where you're like, like you're spotting her.
01:44:53.000 Like cinch her down.
01:44:54.000 Okay, we've got this much travel.
01:44:57.000 That's it.
01:44:57.000 Don't get crazy.
01:44:59.000 So if we're going to agree to this, you, savage, trying to break my dick.
01:45:06.000 What a terrible way to break your dick, too.
01:45:08.000 I wish my dick was big enough to break.
01:45:12.000 There's a girl out there right now and go, I could break it.
01:45:14.000 I'll break the cock.
01:45:14.000 I'll break the cock right in half.
01:45:16.000 I'll break that fucking angry little dick.
01:45:17.000 Guys, while we have a lull, can I talk to you about my new propulsion system?
01:45:20.000 Dang!
01:45:22.000 Jamie, the PowerPoint presentation, please.
01:45:27.000 It is so funny coming into this room and thinking of all the things I've watched that are made such, like, whether it be the Cat Williams thing or fucking, I mean, that was wild.
01:45:37.000 The one I just said, Terrence Howard.
01:45:40.000 Oh yeah, the Terrence Howard one's very interesting.
01:45:42.000 He's a very, very smart guy.
01:45:44.000 He just doesn't have a formal education in this stuff.
01:45:46.000 So when I had Eric Weinstein on the podcast, Eric sort of explained to him the things that he's getting wrong.
01:45:54.000 And he explained to him, you've got to stop teaching.
01:45:55.000 You've got to stop saying you're teaching people.
01:45:57.000 This is very offensive to people like myself.
01:45:59.000 He's like an actual super genius.
01:46:02.000 But they were talking about...
01:46:06.000 Crazy equations.
01:46:07.000 And he was explaining the equations to him.
01:46:09.000 And he's like, do you understand how to read this?
01:46:10.000 I was like having him go over the equation.
01:46:11.000 So it was very interesting.
01:46:12.000 So Terrence is like this super smart guy that's way smarter than anybody around him.
01:46:16.000 But then the really super smart guys who are actually super smart guys who are educated about it, they don't engage with them.
01:46:22.000 And so Eric was like, let me just talk to this dude.
01:46:25.000 I think he's one of us who's just gone astray.
01:46:27.000 Just a brilliant guy who hasn't actually gotten the correct education in this stuff.
01:46:31.000 Well, I like when he was doing a...
01:46:33.000 He goes, well then, Joe, you have to understand, because the fontougeles, it was like words that I don't think they were things.
01:46:41.000 Maybe they were.
01:46:42.000 I think some of them were things, but others, they're things that he invented.
01:46:47.000 Do you name whatever you want?
01:46:48.000 Yeah.
01:46:49.000 What is the invention of the flying...
01:46:53.000 What does he call them again?
01:46:55.000 When all those little components move together and it creates like...
01:46:58.000 He's got this...
01:46:59.000 God, why'd it sit at the tip of my tongue?
01:47:02.000 Linchpin.
01:47:03.000 So this thing that he created, it's like these...
01:47:08.000 They're like geometric shapes, and they fit into each other, and each one of them has a fan in the circle of it.
01:47:14.000 And through this thing, as a drone, it can move in any direction.
01:47:19.000 It's this very bizarre...
01:47:21.000 And Weinstein was looking at it like, this is a very legit invention.
01:47:24.000 You came up with this?
01:47:25.000 That's crazy.
01:47:26.000 See if you can find the videos of it.
01:47:28.000 And so it's also...
01:47:30.000 You could add more to it.
01:47:32.000 It's not like one single shape.
01:47:34.000 So they connect into each other and you can keep adding more and more to it and give it more power and more maneuverability.
01:47:40.000 What's the utility for it?
01:47:42.000 It's drones.
01:47:43.000 It's like you could have a drone that moves concrete bars, I mean concrete blocks.
01:47:48.000 You could have a drone that moves railroad ties and they could fly them through the air.
01:47:54.000 It's scalable.
01:47:55.000 So this is the small version of it in operation.
01:47:57.000 And it's all those things that you see, those little geometric patterns, they're all individuals.
01:48:03.000 And you can keep piling them on top of that and connect it.
01:48:06.000 And you can make them larger and smaller.
01:48:08.000 It's a fascinating idea.
01:48:11.000 And this is the dude who's in Iron Man.
01:48:14.000 Hustle and flow!
01:48:15.000 And he invented this?
01:48:17.000 And he's got like some crazy amount of patents, man.
01:48:21.000 The dude has like, what is it?
01:48:23.000 90 something patents he has?
01:48:25.000 Something crazy?
01:48:27.000 But this is all like his invention.
01:48:29.000 And no formal education?
01:48:32.000 Not to the level of like an Eric Weinstein, which is really all these people that are actually working on stuff.
01:48:40.000 Generally they have, you know, depending upon what the discipline is, they have a long education in traditional universities.
01:48:50.000 And he's kind of like a self-taught genius.
01:48:55.000 Nah.
01:48:55.000 No, dude, he is, man.
01:48:57.000 He's crazy smart.
01:48:59.000 He's just...
01:49:00.000 He's just not like...
01:49:01.000 He's got to hang out with more people like him.
01:49:03.000 You know what I mean?
01:49:04.000 He's too smart for anybody he knows.
01:49:06.000 Right.
01:49:07.000 He needs more Eric Weinstein.
01:49:09.000 They said that about Dave Smith a few years ago.
01:49:11.000 That's true.
01:49:12.000 Same thing.
01:49:13.000 Well, I was on the episode after, the first time you had him on, and the episode with him was just insane.
01:49:20.000 It was like the biggest thing on the internet, and almost 100% of the comments on my episode, the next one, were, We want more Terrence Howard!
01:49:29.000 Enough of this!
01:49:31.000 Dave, where's your not, guys?
01:49:33.000 It's fun, man.
01:49:34.000 He's fun.
01:49:35.000 Dave, can you invent an Uber to get into and get the fuck out of here?
01:49:38.000 I did.
01:49:39.000 It doesn't go to the right address, but I did invent an Uber.
01:49:43.000 Yeah, it's um it's fun.
01:49:45.000 Those things are fun.
01:49:46.000 Yeah, it's fun to hear people like come up with these wacky theories and is that like his but he has some great ideas man and one of them is the idea that all the planets are coming from like stuff that's jettisoned off the Sun and Like his theory about the creation of solar systems is very bizarre.
01:50:03.000 And it's really interesting.
01:50:05.000 He thinks that a planet gets to a certain distance after a certain amount of time from the sun where it can develop life.
01:50:11.000 And then that life evolves as quickly as it can because it's going to eventually over the next...
01:50:18.000 100 million, 200 million years.
01:50:20.000 It's going to be further and further and further out to space, and it's not going to be habitable anymore.
01:50:24.000 So you're going to have to figure out a way to make your own environment, or you're going to perish.
01:50:29.000 And every planet goes through a transitionary period.
01:50:31.000 It's called peopling.
01:50:32.000 When a planet gets to a certain distance, these hominids start figuring out things, and figuring out tools, and engines, and civilization, and agriculture, and then electronics.
01:50:42.000 And then they have to get to a point where they realize, like...
01:50:44.000 This planet keeps moving away from the sun.
01:50:46.000 We are fucked.
01:50:47.000 We have to figure out artificial environments.
01:50:49.000 We have to figure out interstellar travel.
01:50:51.000 We have to figure out how to fucking planet, populate other worlds.
01:50:54.000 So that's where we're at right now.
01:50:55.000 We're like a hundred thousand years away from it being a problem.
01:50:59.000 This is brought to us by Terrence fucking Howard.
01:51:01.000 Yeah!
01:51:02.000 But his theory about planets is fascinating because nobody really knows why planets are formed.
01:51:08.000 There's a distance from the sun.
01:51:10.000 There's a thing called Bode's Law.
01:51:11.000 You can figure out roughly by the size of one planet when another planet's going to exist, and that's where they look.
01:51:16.000 His voice is too cool to be a nerd.
01:51:18.000 That's why I think the problem, the disconnect I have is.
01:51:20.000 He's like, come on, Joe, it's simple.
01:51:23.000 Hydrogen plus nitrogen makes everything fly.
01:51:25.000 He does that thing where, especially because most of us aren't people who even think about this stuff, so then when he's saying it, like when he was saying the whole thing when he was on with you about how the periodic table shouldn't be squares, it should be circle, and he had like a really good argument for it.
01:51:38.000 And I remember just being like, that does sound really impressive.
01:51:42.000 Well, that's what the thing is then like when you see someone like Eric Weinstein go like oh, yeah He's got a good point about this.
01:51:47.000 You're like wait seriously.
01:51:49.000 He's nailing it.
01:51:50.000 All right He's fucking genius man Terrence Howard is fucking genius He's just sometimes guys are too smart for everybody around them and they just get off on the wrong track Yeah And if you're used to being the smartest guy in the room, and then all of a sudden you're talking to a guy who's,
01:52:05.000 like, spooky smart, it's, you know, it's a little unsettling.
01:52:08.000 It's like, you know, a guy who tells you he's a comic.
01:52:10.000 You know, he's telling everybody he's a comic.
01:52:12.000 Hey, Mike is a comic.
01:52:13.000 Mike works down the...
01:52:14.000 And then you meet Mike, and you're like, how long have you been doing comedy?
01:52:17.000 Well, I've done a couple open mic nights.
01:52:18.000 And you're like, oh, okay.
01:52:20.000 Okay, you're not really a comic, right?
01:52:22.000 Right.
01:52:23.000 You're not making a living.
01:52:24.000 You're not getting paid.
01:52:26.000 Well, I don't have any money for Terrence Howard and his projects.
01:52:29.000 I gave it all to Eddie Winslow from Family Matters to clean up the ocean machine he's building.
01:52:36.000 There is a kid that's cleaning up the ocean.
01:52:38.000 What's that kid's name?
01:52:39.000 Boyan Slott?
01:52:40.000 You ever seen that machine he's invented?
01:52:41.000 His name is Boyant?
01:52:42.000 Boyan.
01:52:43.000 I was going to be like, that's funny.
01:52:45.000 That's so on the news.
01:52:47.000 I never even thought of that until you said it.
01:52:49.000 That's hilarious.
01:52:50.000 I've even had him on the show.
01:52:52.000 Boyan Slott.
01:52:52.000 He was like 19 when he invented this.
01:52:54.000 He invented this gigantic skimmer that's been scooping stuff off the ocean, and then they turn the plastic into sunglasses and shit, which will eventually find their way back in the ocean.
01:53:05.000 Sure.
01:53:06.000 That's apt for a little bit at least.
01:53:08.000 They make stuff, which you'll find their way into landfills.
01:53:10.000 That's really crazy.
01:53:11.000 Dude, 19. Super fucking smart.
01:53:13.000 Like, spooky smart kid just said, this is what I want to dedicate my life to.
01:53:16.000 So if you get a video of how they do it, it's pretty wild.
01:53:19.000 But they've already cleaned up a significant amount, and they have this proposal to make and scale the thing up and make it huge, and they think they can clean up the whole garbage patch within the next decade or so.
01:53:31.000 It's incredible.
01:53:32.000 It's nuts, but it's nuts that the fucking thing existed, and plastic's only been around for, like, how long?
01:53:37.000 A hundred years?
01:53:38.000 Yeah.
01:53:38.000 And we already have a Texas-sized chunk of it sitting in the middle of the fucking ocean.
01:53:43.000 People are great.
01:53:44.000 We're the best.
01:53:45.000 I know.
01:53:46.000 People also make things that young and get this kind of thing.
01:53:48.000 I feel like their later-in-life lash out is what ends up being crazy.
01:53:52.000 Oh, yeah.
01:53:52.000 It's going to be all coke and hookers.
01:53:54.000 Yeah, they gave up all their fun stuff, so then it's just too wild afterwards.
01:53:57.000 Right.
01:53:57.000 He's going to get all that eco-pussy, too.
01:53:59.000 Oh, yeah.
01:54:00.000 Once you shave those bitches down, there's usually something hot under there.
01:54:03.000 It's usually the kind of gals that are willing to throw paint on statues and glue themselves to the floor, you know?
01:54:12.000 No more oil.
01:54:13.000 So this is just all sitting in the ocean.
01:54:15.000 Yeah, so he scoops all this stuff out with each run of this, and this is just, you know, one haul.
01:54:20.000 And they just continue to do this, and then they crane it and pack it and turn it into different objects and stuff, and you can buy that stuff.
01:54:29.000 That's fine.
01:54:30.000 It's a good thing.
01:54:31.000 Is 3D printing better for the environment?
01:54:33.000 And he becomes a cokehead partier a little bit later, or he dies, like a whale ate him while he was helping clean up the thing.
01:54:43.000 I was watching this thing on Singapore and how well Singapore recycles.
01:54:47.000 It's incredible.
01:54:48.000 Singapore takes all of their garbage, they pick it up like multiple times, they have this insane facility where they sort it out, they find out what's plastic, what's this, what's that.
01:54:59.000 They use the plastic and they figure out some way to use it to To make power, to generate power by burning it, and they have this insane filtration system that stops it from polluting the air, and then they take it and they grind a lot of this stuff down,
01:55:15.000 and they use it to make roads with it, and they recycle everything.
01:55:19.000 Isn't our recycling bullshit?
01:55:21.000 Bullshit!
01:55:21.000 Bullshit!
01:55:21.000 I remember reading about this years ago, that our recycling is all just bullshit.
01:55:24.000 And it pisses me off.
01:55:24.000 Every time I put stuff into my recycling, it makes me so angry, because I read that like 10% of it gets actually recycled.
01:55:30.000 Yeah, we thought we were good people.
01:55:32.000 We're just getting scammed.
01:55:33.000 He's getting scammed to buy a fucking blue dumpster.
01:55:36.000 What is the point of it though?
01:55:38.000 What is the whole scam?
01:55:39.000 I don't understand why you do it.
01:55:41.000 It's too expensive to convert.
01:55:43.000 There was one rich guy sitting on a bunch of blue garbage cans.
01:55:47.000 See if he can find something on how Singapore does it.
01:55:50.000 I know I saved it, if you want me to find it.
01:55:52.000 You're saying they do a good job?
01:55:54.000 Incredible!
01:55:54.000 They fucking recycle everything.
01:55:57.000 They have this insanely efficient way of taking the plastic and re-utilizing it and using it to fill streets and pave roads and build things.
01:56:08.000 They're using all of it.
01:56:10.000 Whereas we're just fucking sticking it in the ground.
01:56:13.000 Somebody else will figure it out.
01:56:14.000 We'll cover it up with dirt.
01:56:15.000 Singapore looks like it's made of Legos.
01:56:18.000 It's just plastic everywhere.
01:56:20.000 It's pretty nuts, man.
01:56:21.000 No, it's pretty beautiful.
01:56:21.000 They also polluted the ocean with that plane.
01:56:24.000 Yeah, that's right.
01:56:27.000 Yeah, human beings are fucking weird.
01:56:29.000 We are weird.
01:56:30.000 Do you remember how much you used to litter back in the day?
01:56:33.000 In the 90s?
01:56:34.000 Dude, I would fucking...
01:56:35.000 Anytime I had a Coca-Cola cup, I'd just throw it right out the window.
01:56:38.000 I don't give a shit.
01:56:41.000 Full bag of trash is on the highway side.
01:56:44.000 So it used to be a big problem.
01:56:46.000 So they used to have a big trash problem, apparently.
01:56:48.000 And that's what led them to this insane, like, super efficient version of recycling.
01:56:53.000 And super thorough.
01:56:56.000 Pretty interesting shit, man.
01:56:57.000 Waste generated.
01:56:58.000 Oh, we're making a lot of waste.
01:56:59.000 Yeah, we make plenty of waste, son.
01:57:01.000 That's what America does, motherfucker.
01:57:02.000 If you don't like it, you can move to China.
01:57:05.000 Yeah.
01:57:05.000 We must leave the world.
01:57:07.000 Yeah, so they take it and they burn it, and that burning it is what powers electricity.
01:57:13.000 It's really insanely efficient.
01:57:15.000 And then again, they use it for all kinds of stuff, but the point is they utilize all the trash, and that's what we're supposed to be doing.
01:57:21.000 But there's a bunch of knuckleheads, the same knuckleheads that are in charge of the homeless, and the homelessness just keeps growing, and we need more funds to deal with this issue that we can't deal with.
01:57:32.000 It's the same fucking thing.
01:57:35.000 If you had private companies that were incentivized to collect all the plastic and they could take that plastic and use it for all kinds of things...
01:57:45.000 That's right.
01:57:45.000 All you gotta do is set up the incentives and human beings figure it out.
01:57:48.000 All you gotta do is go, if you solve this problem you can become a billionaire.
01:57:52.000 And then some genius will figure it out to become a billionaire.
01:57:55.000 Isn't that interesting?
01:57:55.000 We're not willing to give the private sector access to garbage so much So much that we'll let them pretend they're recycling and just stick stuff in the ground that's plastic because it's not cost effective to turn it into things.
01:58:11.000 Can sanitation be one of the last mafia run businesses?
01:58:15.000 Well, it's run by a section of the government, right?
01:58:17.000 But it's like, if you were competing against Singapore, you would lose.
01:58:22.000 Okay?
01:58:23.000 If like one city was run by Singapore, like Chicago was run by Singapore, but Detroit was run by people who do it right now.
01:58:31.000 And you had to figure out which way is better for the city, which way looks better, which way is more efficient, which way actually creates less overall waste because you just recycle it and reuse it, and it actually works as an asset and a commodity.
01:58:45.000 Wouldn't that be better?
01:58:47.000 If somebody could do it, you could do it.
01:58:50.000 But the problem is there's no fucking incentives.
01:58:52.000 There's probably so much infrastructure within all of these.
01:58:54.000 It's just been however many years that we've been having this system of sanitation that it's like to try to change that in any sort of abrupt way is insane.
01:59:03.000 What do you even do?
01:59:04.000 I remember there was a landfill near my house.
01:59:05.000 We would ride our bikes down to the train tracks and find the landfill, and it was just piles and piles and piles of garbage.
01:59:12.000 It's basically the modern version of what it was like to live in a city with horses shitting in the streets.
01:59:16.000 Yeah.
01:59:17.000 It's like a mild version of it.
01:59:18.000 Which wasn't like much thought put into like the down-the-road times.
01:59:21.000 Now it's just weird.
01:59:23.000 Not only that, it gets into the water.
01:59:25.000 You know, when you just dump a bunch of shit on the ground like that, you know, you're allowed to have a place where you just fill it in.
01:59:30.000 What about the water that's running under that?
01:59:33.000 Like, what happens there?
01:59:35.000 Liquid death.
01:59:35.000 Yeah.
01:59:36.000 This is heavy metal water.
01:59:39.000 It becomes liquid death water.
01:59:43.000 Yeah, there's like so much fucked up and how we do things and not course correcting.
01:59:48.000 But I mean is it so with the recycling thing is it just designed to fine us for not recycling and create more revenue streams?
01:59:55.000 I think initially they had this idea that that's what they were gonna do that they were gonna recycle things and they do recycle bottles and they do recycle cans because it's cost-effective.
02:00:03.000 The problem with plastic it's not cost-effective to recycle so 90% of it or something in the range of that gets thrown in the ground they just put it in the dirt and Which is the fucking worst.
02:00:14.000 Like, why are you making me separate garbage?
02:00:18.000 Can I just put plastic?
02:00:19.000 Can we just admit?
02:00:20.000 And I'll just put plastic bottles in the garbage now?
02:00:21.000 Because that's what I've been doing.
02:00:22.000 I kind of gave up.
02:00:23.000 I gave up on your little bullshit charade.
02:00:25.000 I'm not going to be a part of this if I know you're not doing it.
02:00:27.000 Well, I see there's like a rule follow for a while.
02:00:30.000 People, it's so funny, I just kind of see the results, but I don't know what the actual fight is.
02:00:35.000 Sometimes in New York, there's plastic bags everywhere, and then one time they'll tell you, he goes, no, they're completely illegal now, plastic.
02:00:43.000 And then a month later, there is plastic bags.
02:00:46.000 In New York, well, during the pandemic, they made that law maybe six months before the pandemic, and they were like, no more plastic bags, only paper.
02:00:56.000 And then the pandemic hit, and they were like, all right, we need to figure out priorities here.
02:01:00.000 And then they started using plastic bags again.
02:01:01.000 But in New Jersey, when I go to ShopRite, I have to pay for new reusable bags every time.
02:01:07.000 They no longer give even paper.
02:01:09.000 What a hot scam.
02:01:11.000 They're good for lighting fires, the paper ones.
02:01:14.000 Want to start a little fire in your fireplace?
02:01:16.000 Crumple up some paper bags, stick it under there.
02:01:20.000 It is like at the airport, they'll do that with the big paper bags, and they charge you for the paper bags.
02:01:27.000 Like, bags were always free.
02:01:29.000 Do you know what I'm saying?
02:01:29.000 I existed for 30 years on this planet of bags being free.
02:01:32.000 I think it just makes you think about it like every time.
02:01:34.000 One out of every hundred people remember to bring their own shopping bags.
02:01:37.000 What type of fucking nerd brings their own shopping bags?
02:01:41.000 You're a fucking dork.
02:01:44.000 Paper bags are good, man, but they kill trees.
02:01:47.000 I said to my girlfriend to the store when she's been like, oh, let's go.
02:01:50.000 Well, wait, I'm going to run back to the apartment.
02:01:52.000 I forgot to get the bags.
02:01:53.000 We're going to buy a new bag.
02:01:54.000 I'm not.
02:01:57.000 You know what the biggest scam going is?
02:01:59.000 The paper bag industry.
02:02:01.000 Because they should all be hemp paper bags.
02:02:03.000 If they were all hemp paper bags, they would be a hundred times better.
02:02:08.000 They'd be so much stronger.
02:02:09.000 You wouldn't have to chop down a tree to do it.
02:02:11.000 You'd chop down a stalk of a plant that doesn't even make weed.
02:02:14.000 They have them where there's no THC in them at all, and you make gigantic fucking chunks of this paper that's almost indestructible.
02:02:25.000 It's so different, you can barely tear it.
02:02:27.000 Is it cheaper?
02:02:28.000 No.
02:02:29.000 Sure it would be cheaper, if you had the infrastructure, because you could re...
02:02:33.000 Like, say if you have an acre of trees and you chop them down, it's gonna be fucking years before you can chop down the new ones that you plant afterwards.
02:02:41.000 It takes forever for them to grow.
02:02:42.000 But hemp, you can redo it every fucking few months.
02:02:46.000 That shit grows like a weed.
02:02:48.000 Wasn't it a big part of why weed was made illegal, because they didn't want the competition from hemp or something like that?
02:02:53.000 A hundred percent.
02:02:54.000 A hundred percent.
02:02:54.000 It was William Randolph Hearst.
02:02:56.000 Right.
02:02:56.000 He was the Reefer Madness guy along with Harry Anslinger.
02:03:00.000 They demonized it as a commodity.
02:03:02.000 If we had true freedom in terms of use the best plants to do stuff, that would be one of the number one – forget about the weed argument.
02:03:10.000 The number one thing is hemp.
02:03:11.000 It's so much better paper.
02:03:15.000 It's really strong in a weird way.
02:03:18.000 If you have a piece of hemp paper, you're like, what the fuck, man?
02:03:20.000 But hemp's legal now, right?
02:03:24.000 It's been suppressed for so fucking long that the infrastructure is not really available to compete with like regular paper.
02:03:31.000 Or to compete with, I mean they're making hemp clothes.
02:03:34.000 It's sort of an oddity.
02:03:36.000 That was always like a hempy thing.
02:03:37.000 Like if you could find like even before it was legal.
02:03:40.000 Woody Harrelson was real big on hemp for a long time.
02:03:42.000 He was.
02:03:42.000 It's way better.
02:03:43.000 There's a company called Datsusara, they make hemp geese.
02:03:47.000 They're the best geese, man.
02:03:48.000 They don't rip.
02:03:49.000 Cotton geese rip.
02:03:51.000 These hemp geese are like indestructible.
02:03:53.000 The only thing that gives out on them is the threads give out.
02:03:56.000 I feel like you don't want to get caught in a hemp gi choke, though.
02:03:59.000 I'd much rather just like a regular gi than a hemp gi.
02:04:01.000 Like, dude, I forgot to tag.
02:04:03.000 The only gis that rip are old ones, man.
02:04:06.000 A regular gi will fuck you up.
02:04:08.000 I read a thing about spider silk earlier today, as we're talking about materials.
02:04:14.000 Apparently spider silk is one of the most strong...
02:04:16.000 They make actual clothing and garments out of it.
02:04:21.000 I believe that because you get caught in one string of it and it's like on you for five minutes.
02:04:26.000 You can't get it off you.
02:04:28.000 Imagine if that was as thick as a power line.
02:04:32.000 It's one-fifth as thick as a human hair or one-tenth as thick as a human hair.
02:04:36.000 There was a team of guys who spent five years milking spiders, but they were using...
02:04:44.000 They were getting the silk out of these spiders, and they made this big fucking gown with it.
02:04:49.000 You know, there's a thing they're trying to do.
02:04:52.000 Okay, they're saying the human side.
02:04:54.000 Silk is used to make bulletproof clothing.
02:04:55.000 There's a thing they're trying to do now, though, where they're trying to make human skin.
02:05:01.000 And you know how they can kind of splice genetics together?
02:05:04.000 They want to make human skin that is made with this gene for this spider silk.
02:05:11.000 See if you can find that.
02:05:13.000 This is how you end up in a superhero movie, man.
02:05:15.000 This is the plot of Blood Proof 2, remember?
02:05:18.000 Human skin.
02:05:20.000 Right now it's theoretical, but if you think about what they're going to be able to do medically just in the next decade or two, especially with the AI stuff that's coming off.
02:05:28.000 Oh, that's the scary shit.
02:05:29.000 It's the scary shit.
02:05:30.000 As soon as they start integrating humans with that stuff, they're going to come up with all sorts of solutions to all sorts of problems.
02:05:36.000 And one of them is going to be non-bulletproof skin.
02:05:39.000 Instead of stopping crime, we're going to just make everybody mandatory just so you get vaccinated.
02:05:43.000 Everybody's going to have to get bulletproof skin.
02:05:45.000 So we don't have to worry about gun violence anymore.
02:05:47.000 It doesn't work anymore.
02:05:48.000 We're just shooting each other in the head like Wolverine.
02:05:50.000 We're going to evolve through technology.
02:05:52.000 We can't afford bulletproof skin.
02:05:54.000 We're going to all look like turtles.
02:05:56.000 We're all like ninja turtles in the future.
02:06:00.000 We're all gonna be like covered with armor.
02:06:04.000 And it'll be just wild kingdom out there in the streets.
02:06:07.000 Every day is a fucking street takeover.
02:06:09.000 Philadelphia, yeah.
02:06:10.000 Philadelphia street takeover.
02:06:11.000 Maybe that's how we get out of this.
02:06:13.000 You know, like humans had to figure out opposable thumbs to be able to throw spears.
02:06:17.000 Maybe at one point in time we have to just grow armor.
02:06:20.000 We're not gonna fix this problem of violence.
02:06:22.000 It would be pretty badass.
02:06:24.000 Just have you especially if you're the first human with it like if you get to be the first one who's got armor like for real how the fuck did a turtle become a turtle?
02:06:33.000 How long did that take?
02:06:35.000 And what the fuck?
02:06:36.000 I'm guessing a lot.
02:06:36.000 I think it was a rat found him in the sewers Let's see I've won him at a carnival But think of all the animals that are so vulnerable, and this one motherfucker goes, you know what?
02:06:47.000 I got an idea.
02:06:49.000 And somehow or another, over the course of who knows how many fucking million years, it becomes a goddamn turtle.
02:06:54.000 And it's such a good design that it hasn't changed in forever.
02:06:57.000 You ever see the videos of alligators and crocodiles just fucking smashing through turtles like a cookie?
02:07:03.000 Saltwater Crocs, just crushing them up like they're nothing.
02:07:06.000 Oh, really?
02:07:06.000 Yeah.
02:07:06.000 Oh, it's so disgusting.
02:07:08.000 It's brutal.
02:07:08.000 Yeah, see if you can find a video of it.
02:07:10.000 So the Bulletproof Skin was a story from 2012. Yeah.
02:07:12.000 It was a project with an artist.
02:07:15.000 I don't know that they were actually ever trying to do this.
02:07:17.000 That's a fucking CIA cover.
02:07:18.000 I couldn't find anything.
02:07:20.000 I couldn't find anything new.
02:07:21.000 They're going to cover Jason Bourne with Bulletproof Skin first, and they're going to say, Jesus Christ, that's Jason Bourne with Bulletproof Skin.
02:07:30.000 Oh, Genghis Khan wanted it.
02:07:32.000 Of course he wanted it.
02:07:40.000 Interesting.
02:07:44.000 Wow.
02:07:45.000 So the silk was so strong that the arrows would just go into your skin and you wouldn't get hit.
02:07:51.000 It's like a Kevlar.
02:07:52.000 So you'd still get fucked up, but you wouldn't get full penetration.
02:07:56.000 It wouldn't penetrate.
02:07:59.000 Wow.
02:08:01.000 Silk.
02:08:02.000 That's crazy.
02:08:03.000 I'm gonna buy you a silk shirt and shoot you with an arrow.
02:08:05.000 Damn.
02:08:07.000 Those arrows sucked.
02:08:10.000 Those broadheads sucked.
02:08:12.000 Yeah, Joe Rogan could fucking shoot somebody with a silk shirt on.
02:08:15.000 You could not do that today.
02:08:17.000 Yeah, there's a different...
02:08:17.000 I don't know what kind of silk they had, but a modern-day broadhead?
02:08:20.000 Those things are horrifying.
02:08:22.000 Well, I don't understand it, but it can't just be like a silk t-shirt.
02:08:24.000 They had to have some type of thick silk, even for arrows back then.
02:08:28.000 Yeah, it must have been really thick.
02:08:30.000 Because they were powerful bows too, especially the Mongols.
02:08:33.000 The Mongols had these insane bows that took like 160 pounds to draw back.
02:08:37.000 And they were famous for like, when they looked at their skeletons, their bones, the one side of their body was like deformed.
02:08:45.000 Because they were pulling with the right arm their whole life.
02:08:48.000 Their whole spine and everything.
02:08:51.000 They have giant bones in their shoulders and arms.
02:08:54.000 Their whole body developed to pull this fucking insane bow back.
02:08:58.000 So that kind of a bow has crazy power behind it.
02:09:02.000 With this bullshit homemade arrow and these fucking whatever kind of heads they were using back then.
02:09:06.000 Dude, that would suck to put all that effort into pulling the bow and then Silk takes it out.
02:09:11.000 I did that for nothing.
02:09:12.000 I got beat by Silk.
02:09:14.000 I wonder if it would work with their bows.
02:09:16.000 I wonder if that was just for the enemy's bows.
02:09:18.000 Because the Mongols were...
02:09:20.000 They were so advanced militarily.
02:09:22.000 Which is really bizarre.
02:09:24.000 That this one dude's group who likes to live in tents decide to literally take over the fucking world and would have done it.
02:09:32.000 Got pretty close.
02:09:33.000 Yeah.
02:09:33.000 They killed 10% of the people on the fucking planet during his lifetime.
02:09:37.000 All people like that always have weird facial hair.
02:09:39.000 There is, however, little historical basis to this...
02:09:41.000 What is it?
02:09:41.000 The silk shirt claim?
02:09:43.000 Oh, okay.
02:09:44.000 You'd like the Earth to claim the Mongols wore a silk shirt.
02:09:46.000 Bring it up!
02:09:47.000 This is bullshit.
02:09:47.000 Hey, Jamie, can you stop making us look like assholes at every chance?
02:09:51.000 Pretty odd thing that tells me I was wrong from front to back.
02:09:53.000 There is, however, little historical basis.
02:09:56.000 No primary source can be found containing the statement.
02:09:58.000 The earliest mention of it in relation to the Mongols comes from Michael Proudin's 1934 The Shingis Khan Der Sturm Aus Eisen Proudin, did I get that right?
02:10:11.000 Eager to give Mongols every technological edge over their foes, appears to have assumed the Mongols as a warrior race, would only have worn silk for military purposes.
02:10:20.000 But is there any historical depictions of silk stopping arrows?
02:10:26.000 See if you can find that.
02:10:28.000 Maybe the Mongols didn't do it, or maybe it was like a theory.
02:10:31.000 The AI from Google says that they wore silk underclothes to help prevent blood loss from arrows, and that they had armor that was sewn together with silk, but there was some sort of plates.
02:10:41.000 That makes much more sense.
02:10:42.000 So it's like, yeah, under the armor with silk.
02:10:44.000 Just like the samurai outfits.
02:10:48.000 They have these plates, and they have the mesh under the plates so they can move around.
02:10:52.000 We have one of those samurai outfits out there.
02:10:54.000 It's a real one.
02:10:55.000 From the 1800s.
02:10:56.000 Really?
02:10:57.000 It's freaky.
02:10:57.000 It's freaky to think these dudes...
02:10:59.000 Joe had to use this time machine to go get it.
02:11:01.000 You can buy them.
02:11:02.000 It took a long time.
02:11:02.000 On it actually got for me as a gift.
02:11:05.000 It's like a pain in the ass to get it over here.
02:11:07.000 I'd imagine that's a tough thing to buy, yeah.
02:11:09.000 It's a weird thing.
02:11:10.000 It's a museum box.
02:11:11.000 We talked about doing...
02:11:12.000 So they do these medieval fights.
02:11:14.000 It's almost like MMA in medieval gear.
02:11:16.000 We talked about doing it at Skank Fest, but to ship the armor...
02:11:20.000 To Vegas from wherever they were, it would be so expensive.
02:11:24.000 It would make more sense to drive it out in a van, just like with a team of people.
02:11:28.000 You've seen those Russian videos where those guys beat the fuck out of each other with swords?
02:11:31.000 Yeah, that's what it is, yeah.
02:11:32.000 Dude, don't do that, Lewis.
02:11:34.000 I can't believe I have to tell you don't do that.
02:11:36.000 Please don't do that.
02:11:36.000 You got armor, dude.
02:11:37.000 Yeah.
02:11:37.000 And I got a sword!
02:11:39.000 Bro, you're gonna get hit in the head with a sword, you're gonna forget all your jokes.
02:11:41.000 No, it's alright.
02:11:43.000 Start fresh.
02:11:45.000 Imagine how much a sword weighs.
02:11:46.000 No, I got him a spider silk hat.
02:11:48.000 He's fine.
02:11:49.000 Ha ha ha!
02:11:50.000 Even if you have that helmet on, imagine how much I fucking sword weighs and it's hit you in the head.
02:11:54.000 Well, the armor is like 120 pounds, 130 pounds.
02:11:57.000 How much would you need around your head to let someone hit you in the head with a sword?
02:12:01.000 I'd need a lot more than that.
02:12:02.000 Yeah, more than that.
02:12:03.000 A lot more than that.
02:12:04.000 Oh, that'd be fun, though.
02:12:05.000 Bro, you get a shield to the head.
02:12:08.000 You're getting C, T, motherfucking E. You can pretend that you're protected.
02:12:12.000 You are not protected from that rattle, son.
02:12:14.000 Jesus Christ!
02:12:15.000 Lewis!
02:12:16.000 Do you still remember your jokes?
02:12:17.000 Look at the dents in that guy's helmet.
02:12:19.000 Where he's got hit in the head with a fucking sword.
02:12:21.000 M1 Medieval.
02:12:22.000 This fucking rules.
02:12:24.000 And they're doing it live for what I would describe as not that many people.
02:12:27.000 Yeah, 45 people in the crowd.
02:12:29.000 Well, I know, but if I went to this, I would go home and I'd go, I can't believe there's only 45 people in this thing.
02:12:33.000 This is the coolest thing I've ever seen.
02:12:34.000 Do you want to have a giant turkey leg and a giant goblet?
02:12:37.000 Gosh, they got everything.
02:12:38.000 Renaissance fair.
02:12:40.000 They got the dart game where you can win the animal.
02:12:42.000 I'm going back.
02:12:44.000 Look at this.
02:12:44.000 He's on top of him.
02:12:46.000 Beating him with his shield.
02:12:47.000 Oh my god.
02:12:48.000 This is a weapon.
02:12:49.000 He's beating him with his weapon.
02:12:51.000 That's insane, man.
02:12:53.000 That knight had really good top control.
02:12:59.000 That kind of weight dropping down on your head with that big ass fucking shield.
02:13:05.000 And look at this virgin, he's gonna take his helmet off.
02:13:07.000 Hello, hi guys!
02:13:09.000 Thank you everybody!
02:13:10.000 You also have to take into account- It's been a pleasure performing for you.
02:13:12.000 You gotta take into account the weight of all that armor on his arm and how much more that's driving down the impact of it.
02:13:19.000 Right, right, right.
02:13:19.000 Just coming down?
02:13:20.000 Yeah, all that weight, because it's all covered in steel, and then he has this big-ass fucking shield and steel gloves on.
02:13:26.000 And he's coming down on your head with that, over and over and over again.
02:13:29.000 You think that's a terrible idea?
02:13:30.000 That's more dangerous than MMA? Yeah.
02:13:31.000 Yeah?
02:13:31.000 Yeah, man.
02:13:32.000 That guy, Mike, got real fucked up.
02:13:35.000 Like a different kind of, like a cracked skull type fucked up.
02:13:37.000 They fed him to a dragon afterwards.
02:13:39.000 I mean, that seems like that could kill somebody.
02:13:43.000 That doesn't seem like, even with armor on, I don't believe that you can be okay from getting hit like that in the head.
02:13:48.000 Well, also, all the shit from the NFL is like, the helmet doesn't really matter, because when it's cracking against your head and you're rattling around, it's still not great.
02:13:58.000 How good could that helmet be where you would let a dude with a shield and an iron fucking sleeve on slam down on your head over and over and over again?
02:14:07.000 That could crack your skull.
02:14:08.000 I'd rather do that than slapbox with an MMA person.
02:14:14.000 Yeah, dude.
02:14:15.000 Well, there's no way that's good for you.
02:14:17.000 I would do that over power slap any day of the week.
02:14:19.000 Oh, yeah.
02:14:20.000 Would you?
02:14:20.000 Oh my god, look at these guys have fucking axes, man.
02:14:24.000 This is what I want to do.
02:14:25.000 This is so insane.
02:14:26.000 This is so fucking insane.
02:14:28.000 Lewis, let's me and you fight this game with spears.
02:14:30.000 Let's go, dude.
02:14:31.000 I gotta run to the bathroom.
02:14:33.000 Don't do this, you two.
02:14:34.000 And I do want to watch a full pay-per-view of this now.
02:14:37.000 It does look great.
02:14:38.000 This does rule.
02:14:38.000 Here's the thing.
02:14:39.000 If you allow these guys to have no armor, dudes would sign up.
02:14:42.000 If you decided you're going to have a full sword fight version of this with no armor, guys would show up with a fucking bikini on, ready to slice you up.
02:14:53.000 If we decided one day, if some crazy country, some fucking warlord, dictator type dude decided to have actual sword fights with no armor on, dudes would do it.
02:15:04.000 There's enough psychotic men out there that will sign up for that.
02:15:07.000 They'll just jump into something.
02:15:08.000 Yeah, for sure.
02:15:09.000 Back in the day, we used to watch felony fights, dude.
02:15:11.000 Oh, yeah.
02:15:12.000 And those guys, they would give the two guys nunchucks.
02:15:15.000 They'd just beat the shit out of each other in a parking lot.
02:15:16.000 And just two fucking Mexican guys wailing on each other.
02:15:19.000 I remember this Mexican dude, fuck this white dude up.
02:15:22.000 And he was a good boxer.
02:15:24.000 And he cracked him and knocked him out.
02:15:25.000 And then when he got him on the ground, he kept dropping knees on his unconscious head.
02:15:29.000 Oh, and he was like, you know that one?
02:15:29.000 Yeah, when he was breathing like crazy, it was really brutal.
02:15:32.000 It was horrible.
02:15:32.000 It was horrible.
02:15:33.000 They're like, ah!
02:15:34.000 Yeah, the sound like seizing up and shit.
02:15:36.000 I was listening to Howard Stern the other day It was an old one where they were talking the people that were good old days the PA the people that were trying to get on Like that the one-way trip to Mars they were gonna try to do it was from years like 2012 and they said it wasn't gonna go until 2020 some which I don't think it ever end up happening But like like there was they said it was thousands of people We're trying to get on that mission.
02:16:01.000 One-way trip to die on Mars.
02:16:03.000 Yeah, thousands.
02:16:04.000 Oh, to die.
02:16:04.000 Yeah.
02:16:05.000 It had to be whittled down.
02:16:06.000 By the way, it's being whittled down to like 16 people, so it was not a lot of people.
02:16:10.000 But they were like, oh yeah, you had to go through.
02:16:12.000 And it's like, how many doctors and all kinds?
02:16:15.000 It's pretty crazy, like how much people are willing to do some shit like that.
02:16:17.000 Nutty people, bro.
02:16:18.000 There's a lot of people out there that want to end it.
02:16:20.000 Just like this guy that want to be null.
02:16:21.000 They said for sure you, they said, well not for sure, but they said, odds are you definitely will never make it to Mars.
02:16:28.000 And if you get there, you're probably going to die in route.
02:16:33.000 You're always going to have people that want to sign up for that kind of stuff.
02:16:37.000 Whatever the thing is.
02:16:38.000 Remember back in the day, there was a big thing in New York in the 90s.
02:16:41.000 There were bug chasers.
02:16:42.000 It was like a sect of the gay community that was trying to get AIDS. Oh, yeah.
02:16:46.000 Yeah, absolutely.
02:16:47.000 There's a great series on Netflix right now called The Terror.
02:16:52.000 And it's about these guys that try to cross the ice paths.
02:16:56.000 In, like, the 1800s, and they never make it.
02:16:59.000 Spoiler alert.
02:17:02.000 It gets fucking dark, dude.
02:17:04.000 It gets dark.
02:17:05.000 These dudes just got stranded on a boat with other guys, and of course they started eating each other.
02:17:09.000 The real story.
02:17:10.000 It's based on a real story.
02:17:12.000 These gentlemen actually did do this, and they didn't find their body.
02:17:14.000 They didn't find anything until, like, years and years later, they went and they found clear evidence of, like, people getting cut up.
02:17:20.000 What was the time period?
02:17:22.000 1800s.
02:17:23.000 They just thought they were slick and they're gonna make it across and it was a particularly cold winter and the ice never thawed in that area and they just got stuck there.
02:17:32.000 They just got stuck and then the ice developed all around them and they were there for years.
02:17:36.000 I mean, that's like a thing of survival, which I understand, but you see people that go to like, what's the big thing?
02:17:41.000 Fish concert and start to meet each other.
02:17:44.000 Who's new snacks?
02:17:47.000 What's the mountain?
02:17:49.000 Like the tallest one, the hardest one to climb?
02:17:51.000 Everest?
02:17:51.000 Yeah, Everest.
02:17:52.000 You see those videos of like the bodies that are like, the bodies are now markers.
02:17:56.000 Like you get to a certain, they name a guy like Jim.
02:17:58.000 It's like, that's Jim.
02:17:59.000 He's when you're at however many feet high.
02:18:01.000 And there's no way to get their bodies back down, so they just stay there frozen.
02:18:05.000 You have to leave him there.
02:18:06.000 No one can retrieve him and stay alive.
02:18:09.000 It's too dangerous.
02:18:10.000 That's wild.
02:18:11.000 It's fucking nuts, man.
02:18:12.000 You can find, like, one of the first guys that ever died up there.
02:18:15.000 It's all white.
02:18:17.000 It looks like a statue.
02:18:18.000 And he's face down.
02:18:19.000 Face down on the rock, frozen.
02:18:21.000 And they don't touch the, uh...
02:18:23.000 See if you can find the image.
02:18:24.000 The image is...
02:18:24.000 I mean, somebody must...
02:18:25.000 Haunting, because it's there for anybody to see.
02:18:27.000 There isn't one person who can climb it who can, like, uh...
02:18:29.000 No.
02:18:29.000 No, I'm saying one person that can climb it that can, like, that's done, like, something shitty to the stuff up there.
02:18:34.000 Yeah, making the suck of a dick.
02:18:35.000 Like, kick the head off.
02:18:36.000 Yeah.
02:18:37.000 You know when you were kids, you'd take, like, the reindeer on people's lawns and put them in different positions?
02:18:41.000 Yes.
02:18:41.000 Look at this.
02:18:42.000 This guy's dead.
02:18:43.000 But there's one we...
02:18:44.000 That one in the lower left-hand corner, Jamie.
02:18:46.000 Jesus.
02:18:46.000 Lower left-hand corner.
02:18:47.000 That one.
02:18:47.000 That's the one.
02:18:48.000 Look at that.
02:18:49.000 Wow.
02:18:49.000 Ugh.
02:18:50.000 Bro, imagine walking past that and go, yeah, that guy's a pussy.
02:18:55.000 I'm gonna fucking make it up there, and I'm gonna come back down, I'm gonna jerk off on his back!
02:19:03.000 With a fucking Chicago Bulls hat on.
02:19:05.000 So he's completely frozen.
02:19:06.000 Yeah, he's frozen.
02:19:08.000 He's dead forever.
02:19:10.000 He's been dead for a long time.
02:19:11.000 Look, that guy's got old-ass clothes on that have been just slowly worn away by time.
02:19:16.000 It's amazing.
02:19:17.000 There's a regular picture from the 70s.
02:19:18.000 But this is what happens.
02:19:19.000 People die like you'll be in a group.
02:19:21.000 And somebody dies and you go, well, guys, we have to leave him.
02:19:23.000 And you're like, what?
02:19:25.000 That's my cousin.
02:19:25.000 You have to leave them while they're dying.
02:19:27.000 Or you could die.
02:19:28.000 You can't help them.
02:19:29.000 You have to just go.
02:19:31.000 And they're just going to die a slow death.
02:19:33.000 Look at these guys got trapped.
02:19:34.000 I can't believe how many people agree to do death sentences, but then there's something like the submersible thing that was just like, everyone was like cheersing champagne, like this is the best, and then it just ends immediately.
02:19:45.000 Oh, they saved that guy.
02:19:46.000 Look how he got trapped.
02:19:47.000 Oh my god.
02:19:48.000 Imagine getting trapped like that and that's it?
02:19:50.000 You just slowly die like that?
02:19:52.000 Wishing you could just get shot in the head and not have to slowly die?
02:19:56.000 That's so insane.
02:19:57.000 It's all so insane.
02:19:58.000 And it's just to get to the top so you got there.
02:20:01.000 I mean, how exhilarating?
02:20:03.000 It has to be so...
02:20:05.000 I bet it's not that great.
02:20:06.000 Well, it's probably you realize you could do something very difficult, which a lot of people have a desire to do, and it's also a bragging right for a lot of dickheads.
02:20:14.000 There's a lot of dickheads, I want to tell you.
02:20:16.000 I've been in Nepal.
02:20:17.000 I went up to Everest.
02:20:18.000 I really helped the community.
02:20:20.000 There's a lot of people that just do it for street cred.
02:20:22.000 I wrote an acoustic guitar song up there.
02:20:24.000 It's pretty gay.
02:20:25.000 Some people, they just want to fucking challenge themselves, though, in some insane way where they might die.
02:20:29.000 I think it's when you don't have kids.
02:20:30.000 Any of those things, like skydiving, I always wanted to skydive, and I'm terrified of heights, but as soon as I had a kid, I was like, I'm not jumping out of a plane.
02:20:38.000 I'm the same unnecessary risk, and I said now as my daughter's older, too, having that thing where it's like, now she'd have to be like...
02:20:45.000 What happened to your dad?
02:20:46.000 His chute didn't open.
02:20:48.000 Yeah, exactly.
02:20:49.000 Motorcycle.
02:20:50.000 It was raining, and he turned on his motorcycle a little too fast.
02:20:53.000 I was going to get a motorcycle license.
02:20:55.000 I was sitting in traffic, and I was just watching motorcycles zip between me, and I was like, dude, I've got to get a motorcycle.
02:21:01.000 And it was maybe the fifth time that I crashed my car in 2022 that I was like, this is going to be the death of me.
02:21:06.000 Lewis had a moment where he was like, I don't think I should do armored fighting or get a motorcycle.
02:21:11.000 Maybe neither of these are good ideas.
02:21:13.000 Gentlemen, I have to trust you because I have to pee.
02:21:15.000 So keep chatting amongst yourselves.
02:21:16.000 Don't fuck up my show.
02:21:18.000 Don't get me in trouble.
02:21:20.000 You're leaving the number one show in the world being left in the hands of the Legion of Skanks.
02:21:25.000 What could possibly go wrong?
02:21:26.000 Let's take calls.
02:21:27.000 Jamie, open the phone lines.
02:21:30.000 What if it just turns out there's been phone lines the entire time?
02:21:33.000 People have been waiting to get on the Joe Rogan Experience.
02:21:36.000 Jim on three says you've got some new ideas for the show.
02:21:39.000 But it's all way behind.
02:21:41.000 It's all a guy who's like, I want to say something to Brian Redman.
02:21:44.000 You're years late, sir.
02:21:47.000 Yes, I've been on hold for 17 years.
02:21:51.000 This is going well, guys.
02:21:52.000 What do you guys think?
02:21:53.000 I think he's going pretty well so far.
02:21:54.000 Does he like us?
02:21:55.000 And when I say us, I mean you two.
02:21:56.000 I think this Joe fellow has a future in broadcasting.
02:21:58.000 Oh, yeah, he's doing all right.
02:22:00.000 He's doing all right.
02:22:01.000 I'll give him some notes, but...
02:22:02.000 Man, I'll tell you what, though.
02:22:05.000 His...
02:22:06.000 His on-air stuff, his accoutrement to the table is very different than ours.
02:22:12.000 It's cooler than ours.
02:22:13.000 We just have a racist bear.
02:22:14.000 We have a racist bear.
02:22:15.000 I like to think we're getting there.
02:22:17.000 Yeah.
02:22:17.000 We are.
02:22:18.000 But no one's ever made us art out of drums or stuff like that.
02:22:21.000 Yeah, this is all really cool stuff.
02:22:23.000 This is an actual dinosaur head.
02:22:27.000 It's a real skull.
02:22:28.000 Yeah, he was like, dude, this is actually a real UFO? We actually went to Mars and found a miniature UFO. Oh, isn't this like a Tyrannosaurus windpipe or something?
02:22:36.000 I don't even think I'm wrong about that.
02:22:37.000 I think it's something like that.
02:22:39.000 Jamie, is that what we're looking at?
02:22:40.000 There might be a walrus dick up there somewhere.
02:22:42.000 It does kind of look like a walrus dick now that you mention it.
02:22:45.000 That was pulled out of the permafrost in Alaska.
02:22:49.000 This was?
02:22:49.000 Yeah, see how it's shaved or saw in there?
02:22:52.000 No one knows why.
02:22:54.000 It's all flat like that.
02:22:56.000 That's the talk.
02:22:58.000 Dude, if I steal the thing from the permafrost?
02:23:00.000 Everybody take a little thing.
02:23:02.000 Dave, take a commemorative coin.
02:23:04.000 I'm gonna take Dice's cigarette.
02:23:06.000 Nah, I don't need to steal anything.
02:23:07.000 I'll be back.
02:23:08.000 Maybe we should leave something.
02:23:09.000 Yeah, Dave.
02:23:11.000 Dave, we really dumb you down for this show, huh?
02:23:13.000 Oh, we're having fun, boys.
02:23:15.000 I don't think so.
02:23:16.000 Jamie was telling us about this unfrozen walrus dick or something.
02:23:20.000 Yeah, it's a bone.
02:23:24.000 That's not...
02:23:24.000 Oh, no, it's not.
02:23:25.000 We actually have a walrus...
02:23:26.000 What is it?
02:23:27.000 What kind of bone is it?
02:23:28.000 What kind of bone is it?
02:23:30.000 The walrus dick bone.
02:23:31.000 The walrus dick bone.
02:23:32.000 Where is that?
02:23:33.000 Is that in the other studio?
02:23:34.000 If it's not up there, it's in the other one.
02:23:36.000 We got a walrus stick bone.
02:23:37.000 Is it not very big?
02:23:38.000 It's very small.
02:23:38.000 It's fucking huge.
02:23:39.000 It's giant.
02:23:40.000 Wait, do walrus sticks actually have bones?
02:23:42.000 Yeah.
02:23:43.000 What is it called?
02:23:43.000 A proboscis?
02:23:44.000 What is it called?
02:23:45.000 Something like that?
02:23:47.000 Isn't that a nose?
02:23:48.000 Isn't it proboscis, a nose?
02:23:50.000 Can't slow down this podcast with dumb questions like that.
02:23:53.000 It's called a baculum.
02:23:54.000 It's a bone.
02:23:54.000 That's it.
02:23:56.000 That's what they look like.
02:23:57.000 They're giant.
02:23:58.000 And that's an actual walrus's cock.
02:24:00.000 Yeah.
02:24:00.000 That's why they're always hailing Hitler.
02:24:03.000 Big fadsy.
02:24:05.000 Yeah, it's actually a bone.
02:24:06.000 Because nature doesn't have time for your hard-ons.
02:24:08.000 You get a bone.
02:24:10.000 With us, it's like two complicated, raised kids, like, you gotta be really into this.
02:24:14.000 I want you to be, like, in the mood.
02:24:15.000 Yeah.
02:24:16.000 Fully committed.
02:24:16.000 Wait, do dogs have bones?
02:24:18.000 Yeah, the dogs have bones.
02:24:19.000 No.
02:24:19.000 Yeah, they do.
02:24:21.000 Yeah, dogs have bones.
02:24:22.000 Are you fucking with me right now, Joe?
02:24:24.000 I think cats have bones.
02:24:26.000 I don't know if dogs have bones.
02:24:28.000 Don't they all have bones?
02:24:29.000 Isn't a Loch Ness Monster actually like a whale flipping upside down and his cock coming out of the water?
02:24:33.000 I've heard that.
02:24:34.000 The Loch Ness Monster photo, the famous one, is fake as fuck.
02:24:38.000 But they said it's actually, if you see a whale flipping over on its back and its dick comes out, it's what it looks like.
02:24:43.000 They said it probably much could have been that.
02:24:45.000 Nah, it's horse shit.
02:24:46.000 Or it's a sturgeon, probably a sturgeon.
02:24:49.000 Canine baculum.
02:24:50.000 Yeah, I guess they have dog dicks.
02:24:51.000 Dogs have a bone in their penis.
02:24:53.000 So they have the same thing, baculum.
02:24:55.000 It doesn't taste like it has a bone in it.
02:25:00.000 I think it's only us.
02:25:01.000 I think the chimps and the primates are the only ones that God doesn't trust.
02:25:05.000 You can't have a bone.
02:25:06.000 You just use it all day long.
02:25:08.000 You never build houses.
02:25:09.000 God made the right call on that one.
02:25:11.000 You don't want to give us a bone.
02:25:12.000 It's too easy for us to fuck, so the bone dies off.
02:25:15.000 That's probably what happened.
02:25:16.000 Because it's too easy.
02:25:18.000 Because if we just bred, like, we're already overpopulated.
02:25:20.000 Not really, but, I mean, if you wanted to look at us compared to any other animal, the balance is way off.
02:25:26.000 There's way more of us than there are of them.
02:25:28.000 We're everywhere.
02:25:29.000 We're on every fucking part of the country.
02:25:30.000 Every part of the world.
02:25:31.000 Some primates do have one.
02:25:33.000 Which ones?
02:25:34.000 It's not us.
02:25:35.000 Ah, we got robbed.
02:25:36.000 The cool ones?
02:25:38.000 It says gorilla and chimpanzees.
02:25:40.000 The baculum with the dog's penis.
02:25:42.000 Did you watch that thing yet?
02:25:43.000 The chimp crazy on HBO? I loved it.
02:25:46.000 Did you say gorillas have them?
02:25:48.000 Gorillas of the bone!
02:25:49.000 So that's exactly what happened.
02:25:50.000 You do not want to get fucked by a gorilla.
02:25:53.000 We developed agriculture in cities, and the bone went away.
02:25:56.000 Because then we would just fuck all day.
02:25:57.000 We would never figure out cities.
02:25:59.000 Well, it said chimps have them, which are supposed to be our closest...
02:26:02.000 No houses.
02:26:03.000 No phones, right?
02:26:04.000 Where's their cell phone?
02:26:05.000 In order to get a cell phone, you gotta lose the bone.
02:26:07.000 Constantly jerking off and throwing shit at each other.
02:26:09.000 It's like whatever the common ancestor of us and chimps is, that was the split.
02:26:13.000 They were like, look, we're gonna go in this direction where we build civilization.
02:26:16.000 And the chimps were like, we're gonna keep our dick bones.
02:26:18.000 So good luck.
02:26:19.000 That's exactly what happened.
02:26:21.000 They had a conversation about it.
02:26:23.000 They're like, I get it.
02:26:24.000 I understand why you want to do it.
02:26:26.000 The female has one?
02:26:27.000 She has a bone in her clitoris.
02:26:29.000 Damn.
02:26:30.000 Imagine how hard she comes.
02:26:32.000 Wait, there's a clit bone?
02:26:33.000 Yeah, buddy.
02:26:34.000 It's connected to the clippy bone.
02:26:35.000 Well, it probably has to be because all animals that are mammals, they start off as female anyway.
02:26:41.000 Right.
02:26:41.000 Like the same process, I think, for primates in that.
02:26:45.000 Right?
02:26:45.000 That's why boy dogs have nipples.
02:26:46.000 So you're saying me and Lewis' penises aren't done yet?
02:26:48.000 We haven't grown into them.
02:26:49.000 There is definitely a market for grinding down dick bones and fucking putting them in your drinks or something, like energy drinks.
02:26:55.000 In China, it's probably right up there with tiger bones.
02:26:57.000 I guarantee it.
02:26:58.000 I guarantee it that they grind dick bones down in certain cultures.
02:27:02.000 Well, in certain cultures, they will want to drink rhino tea because it's naughty.
02:27:08.000 You know?
02:27:09.000 They know rhinos are an endangered species, but they cut their fucking horns off just to make tea.
02:27:14.000 And it's supposed to make your dick hard.
02:27:16.000 For real!
02:27:17.000 It's like a fucking...
02:27:18.000 It's so crazy.
02:27:19.000 It's because it's naughty.
02:27:21.000 I'm a naughty boy.
02:27:22.000 I'm going to serve you some...
02:27:23.000 You know, imagine you go over a guy's house like, what a fucking house.
02:27:26.000 Look at this guy.
02:27:26.000 You want some fucking rhino horn tea?
02:27:29.000 Wow, you've got the real shit.
02:27:30.000 Dude, you want a fucking dodo bird?
02:27:32.000 That guy's got a raccoon dick around his neck.
02:27:34.000 They sell them on Amazon.
02:27:35.000 They sell them?
02:27:35.000 Oh, I need one.
02:27:37.000 That is awesome.
02:27:38.000 I was looking at that going, yeah, I need a raccoon bone dick.
02:27:43.000 Yeah, but you don't want a raccoon one.
02:27:44.000 You want a fucking, like, a big ol' wolf.
02:27:46.000 Yeah, a wolf dick.
02:27:49.000 A bear dick?
02:27:50.000 With a nice open shirt.
02:27:51.000 That's what happened.
02:27:52.000 We were like, I don't need the dick bone.
02:27:54.000 I want to figure out space travel.
02:27:56.000 You can't figure out space travel if you have that dick bone.
02:27:58.000 Can this thing go away a little bit?
02:28:00.000 Once they develop the bulletproof skin, the next thing is going to be a reemergence of the dick bone.
02:28:05.000 Dick bone starts coming back.
02:28:06.000 You know who's going to fight against it, Viagra.
02:28:08.000 They're going to be like, fuck you, earn it.
02:28:09.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:28:11.000 You know?
02:28:13.000 You'd put a lot of stuff, bulletproof skin, because this thing goes all the way up the ladder.
02:28:17.000 You've got to follow the money.
02:28:18.000 It's going to be a bulletproof dick bone for sure.
02:28:20.000 If you're going to put a dick bone in there, why make it a regular bone?
02:28:22.000 It's like one that can't break if a girl gets crazy.
02:28:24.000 The CEO of Viagra, as this podcast is out, is in a room somewhere going, they're talking about it on the Joe Rogan Experience, alright?
02:28:30.000 This threatens our entire business model.
02:28:32.000 Once AI goes live, it's going to be one of the first things we fix.
02:28:38.000 Bring back the dick bone.
02:28:42.000 We've already devolved enough.
02:28:43.000 We realize there's like a limit.
02:28:45.000 You get to the end of the road and civilization has to collapse and start over again.
02:28:48.000 But in the meantime, we're gonna need that dick bone back.
02:28:50.000 That might be the thing that drives the collapse.
02:28:54.000 Yeah.
02:28:54.000 Once you get the dick bone, there's no more need for civilization.
02:28:57.000 No, I think civilization collapses and then the re-emergence of the dick bone becomes a necessity because you have to fuck very quickly because you're getting eaten by animals.
02:29:04.000 Okay.
02:29:05.000 Alright, I get it.
02:29:06.000 Yeah, and so there's madness, cannibal gangs in the streets.
02:29:10.000 Fucking block takeovers times a million.
02:29:13.000 Juggalos.
02:29:14.000 Here we go.
02:29:14.000 We're all back.
02:29:15.000 We're right back here.
02:29:16.000 And you're gonna need a dick bone.
02:29:17.000 Because you have 13 seconds to impregnate your wife.
02:29:20.000 And then hope that neither one of you gets eaten on the way to the lake.
02:29:26.000 You're like, that was my third wife, by the way, so I'll have a fourth one soon.
02:29:30.000 Bro.
02:29:31.000 Is this the skull of a Wendigo?
02:29:33.000 An evil mythical forest creature?
02:29:35.000 No, it's a mule deer.
02:29:36.000 It's a mule deer.
02:29:37.000 It's just a regular deer.
02:29:38.000 Did you kill that one?
02:29:38.000 Yeah, it was the first animal I ever killed.
02:29:39.000 They told us you killed the crocodile that's out there.
02:29:42.000 It's an alligator.
02:29:44.000 Sorry.
02:29:44.000 Yeah.
02:29:45.000 Sorry, Joe.
02:29:46.000 That's like, that's misgendering.
02:29:47.000 I just watched Joe actually get mad at me.
02:29:49.000 No, no, no, I didn't, but crocodiles are, like, that's a bigger accomplishment.
02:29:53.000 That's a scarier animal.
02:29:54.000 Way scarier.
02:29:54.000 That is a huge alligator.
02:29:56.000 It's a big-ass alligator.
02:29:56.000 That is a massive beast.
02:29:58.000 It's a big-ass alligator.
02:29:59.000 Wait, the crocodile is scarier than the alligator?
02:30:01.000 Oh, yeah.
02:30:01.000 Way scarier.
02:30:03.000 And what is it that makes them scarier?
02:30:05.000 They're way bigger, way more aggressive.
02:30:06.000 Jay, some of us are here to learn.
02:30:07.000 We look stupid now because of that dumb-ass question, dude.
02:30:10.000 They're fucking terrifying, man.
02:30:12.000 You know, they found a bunch of them in the Everglades in Florida.
02:30:16.000 You know, the same assholes that let loose their fucking pythons.
02:30:20.000 A bunch of them have let loose some giant Nile crocodiles.
02:30:24.000 Oh, is it the guy that was, he's riding like the fan boat through it and then all of a sudden like the ground is more...
02:30:29.000 Oh, that's a different one.
02:30:30.000 I think that's in Costa Rica.
02:30:32.000 I think that video.
02:30:33.000 I don't think that video is in America.
02:30:35.000 It might actually be a different kind of crocodile.
02:30:38.000 It might be in the Amazon.
02:30:39.000 I don't believe that's America.
02:30:41.000 But the ones in America, the ones they're spotting, they have like a kill on sight order for them in the Everglades.
02:30:47.000 Because if you have a fucking population of breeding Nile crocodiles in the Everglades, it's over.
02:30:54.000 It's fuck your golf.
02:30:55.000 Like, they're hunting people.
02:30:56.000 Kill on sight's a funny thing.
02:30:57.000 If you're unarmed, you just see what out there, they go, wow.
02:31:00.000 Government said, I gotta kill this thing on sight.
02:31:02.000 Like, let's go, motherfucker.
02:31:03.000 How do you kill an alligator?
02:31:04.000 You have to shoot it.
02:31:05.000 How many to date have they killed in the Everglades?
02:31:10.000 Because they've spotted, it's more than four, I think.
02:31:15.000 So the problem is they don't look through much of the Everglades.
02:31:18.000 It's too crazy.
02:31:19.000 It's so thick.
02:31:20.000 The whole middle of Florida is, like, Florida's the dick of the country, and that dick is infested with monster soup.
02:31:28.000 It's just pythons!
02:31:31.000 Pythons and fucking crocodiles and alligators everywhere, and there's no mammals left.
02:31:36.000 Like, 90% of the mammals in the Everglades are gone.
02:31:38.000 The crocodiles just fuck them all?
02:31:40.000 No, the pythons.
02:31:41.000 The pythons have killed everything.
02:31:42.000 Pythons have killed everything.
02:31:44.000 That's just like very recent, right?
02:31:46.000 Bythons are killing alligators.
02:31:48.000 They eat alligators.
02:31:49.000 Jesus.
02:31:50.000 American crocs, it says when I look it up.
02:31:53.000 No, no, no.
02:31:54.000 Nile crocodiles in Everglades, for sure.
02:31:56.000 I was watching a news thing.
02:31:59.000 Nile crocs in...
02:31:59.000 Yeah, there it is.
02:32:00.000 Wow.
02:32:01.000 That's something on Reddit.
02:32:02.000 Yeah.
02:32:04.000 Ten years ago.
02:32:05.000 Ten years ago, someone caught a...
02:32:06.000 There's been more than one, though.
02:32:09.000 I think there's been four different ones that they've caught.
02:32:13.000 I don't know how my algorithm got this, but it was like if you ever get attacked by, it must have been a crocodile, maybe it was an alligator, but they told you what to do.
02:32:20.000 You ain't doing shit.
02:32:21.000 Can I guess?
02:32:21.000 You punch it in the nose and put it through its frame like Apollo Creed.
02:32:24.000 By the way, step one is always stay calm.
02:32:27.000 Yeah, no.
02:32:28.000 First thing you want to do.
02:32:28.000 Do I play it?
02:32:29.000 Do I ask Vic?
02:32:30.000 What do I do?
02:32:31.000 You gotta roll with it, because it's gonna try to roll you, right?
02:32:34.000 And then, if you have an opportunity, play dead, because then it'll think you're dead.
02:32:37.000 Or it said, punch it in his nose, which is the funniest thing.
02:32:41.000 I was right.
02:32:41.000 I would say tickle it.
02:32:43.000 All of it's hilarious.
02:32:44.000 You ain't doing shit.
02:32:45.000 Try tickling it in different places.
02:32:46.000 You ain't doing shit.
02:32:47.000 My friend Jim Shockey.
02:32:48.000 You don't know that, Joe.
02:32:49.000 I might be able to tickle a fucking alligator.
02:32:51.000 My friend Jim Shockey got sent to Africa to hunt them because they were killing these people in this village.
02:32:56.000 Everybody in the village was like missing a hand.
02:32:58.000 They all had like bites taken out of them.
02:33:00.000 These crocodiles were like targeting these people like they were food.
02:33:02.000 And so they brought in this professional hunter, this guy who's a friend of mine, Jim Shockey, and he went to Africa and shot these crocodiles.
02:33:09.000 While he was there, one of the ladies got taken.
02:33:12.000 One of the ladies was washing clothes in the river and they just fucking snatched out.
02:33:17.000 Maybe don't wash clothes in the river.
02:33:19.000 But this is how crazy it is.
02:33:20.000 They develop like a system where they stick logs in the ground in like this circular area because they think the crocodiles can't come through it.
02:33:27.000 But I think the crocodiles are figuring out how to go on the ground when everyone's sleeping and slip right into that and wait.
02:33:34.000 Don't lions do that shit in Africa, too?
02:33:37.000 Like, they really hunt humans, right?
02:33:38.000 They'll really, like, plan it out and shit.
02:33:41.000 Did you ever see that Val Kilmer movie?
02:33:42.000 They have people whistles.
02:33:43.000 They go, sup, dude!
02:33:46.000 Sup, dude!
02:33:48.000 No, it'd be like, who wants some pussy?
02:33:51.000 Who wants some pussy?
02:33:53.000 I got wild pussy in the woods!
02:33:55.000 Are you guys hearing that?
02:33:56.000 I'm gonna go check this out real quick.
02:33:58.000 I'll be right back.
02:33:58.000 Good morning!
02:34:00.000 I'm horny!
02:34:01.000 I wanna suck your dick!
02:34:03.000 Why doesn't the alien, the predator, like the guy who comes down and fucks people up, why doesn't he hunt us that way?
02:34:07.000 With calls?
02:34:08.000 Wouldn't that be more exciting for him?
02:34:09.000 Instead of just running people down and fucking taking their heads?
02:34:12.000 Hey, mercenary!
02:34:13.000 Hey, mercenary!
02:34:14.000 You literally hunt animals by getting them horny first?
02:34:17.000 Trick them into going on a wellness retreat.
02:34:22.000 Set it up like a deer blind, like a wellness retreat.
02:34:24.000 Yeah, dude, if you're a duck, you think you're about to get laid and you fucking just get blasted in the head?
02:34:30.000 Well, they think it's a safe place to land.
02:34:32.000 It's even more despicable.
02:34:33.000 They take rubber ducks and they put them everywhere.
02:34:35.000 Like, oh, it's a party!
02:34:36.000 Duck party!
02:34:37.000 Everybody's happy!
02:34:38.000 And then you come in and just imagine being a duck and just getting blasted out of the sky.
02:34:43.000 Like, how?
02:34:44.000 Yeah, that sucks.
02:34:44.000 I thought I had to worry about dogs and things like that.
02:34:48.000 I didn't think I'd worry about getting blasted out of the fucking sky.
02:34:50.000 Doug is delicious, though.
02:34:52.000 It is.
02:34:53.000 It's a delicious meat, yeah.
02:34:53.000 And it's probably fun to blast them out of the sky.
02:34:55.000 I haven't done that particular activity, but I bet it's a good time.
02:34:58.000 Just fucking pop the hatch.
02:35:00.000 Boom, boom, boom!
02:35:01.000 And then you cook them up that night.
02:35:03.000 Nice!
02:35:03.000 Yeah, it's gotta be a lot of fun.
02:35:04.000 But you gotta be careful you don't eat buckshot.
02:35:07.000 That's a real issue.
02:35:08.000 Because you don't always get all the little BBs.
02:35:11.000 Because a shotgun, you shoot it up there, it's a scatter.
02:35:13.000 That's how you can shoot birds.
02:35:14.000 Not for the migrants, dude.
02:35:15.000 They just grab them, break their neck, and cook them up.
02:35:17.000 That's the better way to do it, really.
02:35:19.000 Yeah, no buckshot needed.
02:35:21.000 Get those bitch-ass domesticated ducks that are subject to grabbing.
02:35:26.000 Those park ducks.
02:35:27.000 They don't know any better yet.
02:35:30.000 Oh, yeah.
02:35:30.000 I assume you can't just eat, like, lake duck.
02:35:33.000 You could.
02:35:34.000 Can you?
02:35:34.000 Yeah, you could.
02:35:34.000 I mean, I'm sure you could eat, but I'm saying, is that, like, is there any kind of good?
02:35:37.000 It doesn't taste good.
02:35:37.000 When I go to the, when I get beef king duck, is that the same duck that you just see in, like, Central Park?
02:35:42.000 There's different kinds of ducks.
02:35:44.000 Some ducks are called diver ducks, and those are the least appetizing because diver ducks go all the way down to the bottom of where the ground is, the bottom of the lake, and they eat all the algae and all the bullshit and anything that's down there.
02:36:00.000 They eat anything.
02:36:00.000 They eat dead fish and all kinds of rotten things, and the idea is that they're not very tasty.
02:36:05.000 But the other ducks, there's like mallards and different ducks that people hunt.
02:36:10.000 They don't dive.
02:36:12.000 You know, they eat things that are like on the surface.
02:36:15.000 They don't go down and eat the muck.
02:36:16.000 But I've had Diver Duck that was really well prepared by a chef.
02:36:19.000 This guy owns Dai Due in town.
02:36:23.000 It's an amazing restaurant.
02:36:24.000 And he cooked it fantastic.
02:36:27.000 It was awesome.
02:36:28.000 And this is the ones who eat all the bad shit, but it still tastes good?
02:36:32.000 Yeah, you could still do it right.
02:36:33.000 It's just an involved process.
02:36:36.000 He brined them and did a bunch of different things and marinated them, but ultimately you can't eat them.
02:36:43.000 But I think a regular duck, the kind that are sitting on the pond, you could snatch one of those up.
02:36:47.000 I bet it would be just like a regular duck that you would shoot out of the sky.
02:36:51.000 It's just a duck.
02:36:52.000 Well, fellas, we know what we're doing after this.
02:36:55.000 I mean, if you came from a country where there's no food, and all of a sudden they flew you into Ohio, I'm like, why are we all here?
02:37:04.000 And no one tells you not to eat the ducks.
02:37:06.000 There's just ducks there.
02:37:07.000 None of that.
02:37:08.000 Maybe you don't even speak English.
02:37:09.000 So there's all these signs saying, don't kill the ducks.
02:37:11.000 And you say, oh, look, ducks.
02:37:13.000 Kill ducks.
02:37:15.000 Kill ducks.
02:37:16.000 Wouldn't you automatically grab a duck if you came from a place where there was no food?
02:37:20.000 Oh, yeah.
02:37:21.000 No, I'm not blaming the Haitians.
02:37:22.000 Pekin duck is the most popular duck to eat.
02:37:25.000 Pekin duck meat is known for its mild, satisfying flavor, easily adapts to a number of cuisines.
02:37:29.000 There's a lighter flesh and milder flavor.
02:37:31.000 Is it not Pekin?
02:37:32.000 This is a duck.
02:37:33.000 It says Pekin.
02:37:35.000 Peking is a type, but this is like domestic ducks.
02:37:39.000 That's what they're showing here.
02:37:40.000 So, like, if you buy duck in a restaurant, you're not really buying wild duck.
02:37:43.000 You're buying a domesticated duck.
02:37:46.000 But there's wild ducks that taste really good, and there's wild ducks that are a little funky.
02:37:51.000 And those are the ones that they call diver ducks.
02:37:55.000 Yeah, there's like fish.
02:37:56.000 I went fishing in Puerto Rico.
02:37:57.000 We went deep sea fishing.
02:37:58.000 And there's like certain fish that like they eat, or I guess the bigger the fish were, like they eat like all the algae and stuff off the reef.
02:38:06.000 And I guess if the fish was really big, you had to like throw it back because you can get like really sick.
02:38:11.000 I think it's the toxins from the fish they eat.
02:38:13.000 They eat stuff off the reef.
02:38:15.000 Oh, right.
02:38:15.000 You're right about that, actually.
02:38:16.000 Yes.
02:38:16.000 Yeah.
02:38:17.000 We caught some barracuda, and they're like, in this area, you can keep them, but if you catch them over there, you can't keep them.
02:38:22.000 You can't eat them.
02:38:23.000 It's weird.
02:38:25.000 And especially with big game species, because there's ones that they just won't eat.
02:38:30.000 It's too risky.
02:38:31.000 It's pretty wacky.
02:38:32.000 We went fishing on a perch tour this summer, and they caught a fish.
02:38:36.000 I thought he was going to gut the fish right there on the boat, but what he was doing was when you pull them up very fast, they get the bends.
02:38:47.000 So it looks so violent, but they're actually saving the fish.
02:38:50.000 They're going to throw them back, and they just...
02:38:52.000 Stab them almost underneath the thing and it just lets the air out and they're able to lose.
02:38:56.000 Fish get the bends?
02:38:57.000 No.
02:38:58.000 Really?
02:38:58.000 The pressure that their body has to be under when they're like 500 feet underwater is insane.
02:39:05.000 And so when they go to the top, their organs come out through their mouth.
02:39:07.000 It's crazy.
02:39:08.000 It's all filled up so he just let the air out of a balloon and then the fish start moving again and he throw them back.
02:39:14.000 I cooked a lobster once and you're supposed to put the knife into the back of its head.
02:39:18.000 You're not supposed to just boil it, but I couldn't do it.
02:39:20.000 I was like, there's no way.
02:39:21.000 That's what it looks like.
02:39:22.000 The guy's eyeballs pop out and his tongue pops out.
02:39:25.000 I've seen that happen.
02:39:25.000 Looks kind of like Ari.
02:39:26.000 It's very bizarre.
02:39:28.000 A lot like Ari.
02:39:29.000 It looks like a wacky, like a card you'd get at Spencer's.
02:39:33.000 Isn't there a fish called a Jewfish?
02:39:36.000 There is, right?
02:39:37.000 That's gefilte fish.
02:39:40.000 But that's, uh, I mean, imagine what that does to your body, going from 500 feet down in the fucking ocean to pulling up to the top.
02:39:48.000 Yeah.
02:39:48.000 And it just pops out.
02:39:49.000 Yeah, that doesn't sound fun.
02:39:51.000 Why isn't that not the case?
02:39:53.000 That's probably exactly what would happen if you went to the moon and took your helmet off.
02:39:57.000 Well, we've never really gone.
02:39:58.000 That's what Total Recall said happens on Mars.
02:40:03.000 Jewfish.
02:40:04.000 There you go.
02:40:05.000 Overpopulation.
02:40:05.000 There we go.
02:40:06.000 Well, can you pull up the Hitlerfish, please?
02:40:09.000 It's a Goliath?
02:40:10.000 That's what it is?
02:40:11.000 Only one fish can get to the bottom of this problem.
02:40:15.000 Do they have a disproportionate control of the fish media?
02:40:17.000 I'm just wondering.
02:40:19.000 A Jewfish is a Goliath grouper?
02:40:22.000 When I popped it into Google, it says Atlantic Goliath grouper.
02:40:25.000 Whoa!
02:40:26.000 Let me see that, motherfucker.
02:40:28.000 Well, hello.
02:40:29.000 I'm here for your rent money.
02:40:30.000 Jesus Christ.
02:40:31.000 Look at that picture with the diver.
02:40:32.000 Give me your rent money.
02:40:33.000 Look at that picture with the diver.
02:40:35.000 That's fucking insane.
02:40:36.000 Wow.
02:40:36.000 That's like a largemouth bass that could eat a person.
02:40:38.000 If I saw that, I would think that I was about to be murdered.
02:40:41.000 I would not be comfortable with that thing being right next to me.
02:40:44.000 That's a giant predator.
02:40:44.000 I would think that I shrunk.
02:40:46.000 Am I inside of a small fish tank?
02:40:49.000 Bro, if you were a little kid, if you were a four-year-old kid and you went diving, free diving near that, there's a real likelihood that thing swallows you.
02:40:59.000 800 pounds.
02:41:00.000 800 pounds.
02:41:01.000 Oh yeah, do you fish eat your baby?
02:41:03.000 Let's spread that rumor.
02:41:04.000 You ever seen largemouth bass take out a duckling?
02:41:08.000 No, but I want to now.
02:41:09.000 They take them out.
02:41:10.000 They take out birds.
02:41:12.000 There's a guy that was developing a lure.
02:41:15.000 There's a giant pike called a muskie.
02:41:18.000 They're notoriously hard to catch, and they're enormous, like real ancient fish.
02:41:23.000 It looks like a monster.
02:41:24.000 And they're hard to catch.
02:41:26.000 They call them like the fish of 10,000 casts.
02:41:29.000 And so this guy developed a lure for them that's a duck.
02:41:32.000 It's a little ducky moving across the water.
02:41:35.000 It's very effective because this muskie is like the fuck-up ducks.
02:41:40.000 They're huge, dude.
02:41:41.000 They're like this big.
02:41:42.000 Have you ever seen one?
02:41:43.000 No, I don't think so.
02:41:44.000 Pull up a photo.
02:41:44.000 It's like they've got one right here.
02:41:46.000 Oh, there it is.
02:41:47.000 No, that's a largemouth bass.
02:41:48.000 But Google muskie.
02:41:53.000 Just Google giant muskie.
02:41:59.000 That's them.
02:41:59.000 Wow.
02:42:00.000 Look at that thing.
02:42:02.000 Fucking things are crazy.
02:42:03.000 And they're super predators.
02:42:05.000 They take out ducks and all kinds of things.
02:42:08.000 And if you want to catch them, you have to have a big ass lure.
02:42:12.000 Look at that.
02:42:12.000 Look at the size of their fucking mouth.
02:42:14.000 It's just covered in teeth like a barracuda.
02:42:16.000 Is there a video of one of these things, like, eating a duck?
02:42:19.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.
02:42:20.000 If you have the catch, you have to dress like Antifa?
02:42:22.000 Yeah.
02:42:23.000 Well, you're freezing your dick off.
02:42:25.000 Those guys are cold as fuck.
02:42:26.000 Jews won't replace us!
02:42:27.000 Can you hit it with a bike lock?
02:42:29.000 You gotta catch those motherfuckers in some cold-ass water, just like Northern Pike.
02:42:33.000 Jew fish will not replace us.
02:42:34.000 Look at this.
02:42:35.000 Giant muskie eats a duck.
02:42:36.000 Here it goes.
02:42:41.000 What an asshole, you dick.
02:42:43.000 Fake this out, cocksucker.
02:42:45.000 Oh, I thought that was it.
02:42:46.000 That was solid, though.
02:42:47.000 Muskie!
02:42:48.000 It was a solid bit.
02:42:51.000 Okay.
02:42:51.000 Muskie eats duck.
02:42:52.000 Gotta sit through a gnat.
02:42:53.000 Okay.
02:42:54.000 Is this a duck lure?
02:42:56.000 Yeah.
02:42:57.000 Unless he's got a duck with a hook through it, that monster.
02:43:01.000 Isn't that fucked up?
02:43:02.000 Like, you hate mice, you kill mice with a mousetrap, but if you went fishing with a mice and a hook, people would...
02:43:07.000 Oh, you piece of shit.
02:43:09.000 What is wrong with you?
02:43:10.000 Well, you do live bait, right?
02:43:12.000 You put it right through their eyes?
02:43:12.000 Right, but if you did that to a mouse, everybody would get very upset with you.
02:43:16.000 Not me.
02:43:16.000 You piece of shit.
02:43:17.000 Isn't that crazy?
02:43:18.000 Like, you kill them with a spring.
02:43:19.000 Whack!
02:43:19.000 And everybody's like, oh yeah, mousetrap?
02:43:21.000 Good job.
02:43:22.000 And it's not like that's a humane way to kill them.
02:43:23.000 You can torture a mouse for a while.
02:43:25.000 You kill them with a glue trap.
02:43:25.000 I got lost on a YouTube journey once with a guy who made homemade mousetraps, and he would create little systems to drown mice and rats in buckets.
02:43:33.000 It was great.
02:43:34.000 Oh yeah, they get sent to a bucket.
02:43:37.000 Was that it?
02:43:38.000 That's crazy.
02:43:39.000 That was a little bit crazy.
02:43:41.000 That's New York, right?
02:43:41.000 Yeah.
02:43:42.000 His system of mice and rats and it just catches them and puts them in the buckets to drown.
02:43:46.000 And then at the end of the month he just has like a buckets of mice and it's so crazy.
02:43:51.000 You guys see that Netflix documentary, Rats?
02:43:53.000 No.
02:43:54.000 It's all about rats in New York City, rats all over the country, rats all over the world.
02:43:59.000 It's fucking horrible.
02:44:00.000 I think the biomass of rats in New York City is equal or greater to the biomass of human beings.
02:44:06.000 There are so many rats in New York City, dude.
02:44:08.000 Do you know how nuts that is?
02:44:10.000 Think about how many people are walking on the street and think about the idea that the number of rats is greater.
02:44:16.000 Do you know that rats eat cockroaches and cockroaches eat rat shit?
02:44:20.000 Do you know how horrible the entire underneath New York City is?
02:44:24.000 This is a bullshit estimate.
02:44:27.000 This is an estimate that there are approximately 3 million rats in New York City, which is close to a third of the city's human population.
02:44:33.000 It's a 50% increase from a decade ago.
02:44:35.000 This is the AI overview.
02:44:36.000 Although we do have a rat czar now, so maybe she's doing her shit.
02:44:39.000 I think the documentary was saying that there...
02:44:43.000 Here it is right here.
02:44:45.000 There are 8.2 million humans, average mass of 70 kilograms, about 2 million rats.
02:44:50.000 That is not true.
02:44:52.000 Who knows how many?
02:44:53.000 One said there's 2 million, one said there's 3 million.
02:44:57.000 What's going to be not safe for work?
02:44:58.000 A girl saying it with her pussy?
02:45:01.000 It got deleted?
02:45:02.000 Oh.
02:45:03.000 There's no good measurement of how many rats there are.
02:45:06.000 Yeah, there's not like a guy going down there who's like, everybody hold still, 14, 15, how would you possibly know?
02:45:12.000 You cannot.
02:45:13.000 They're just justifying their job, just like the people in the Homeless Commission.
02:45:16.000 There's no fucking way you can tell me how many rats there are in New York City.
02:45:21.000 No, there's no fucking one.
02:45:22.000 I parked my car once.
02:45:23.000 It was back in the day when you had to use cell phones, or pay phones, rather.
02:45:26.000 And I was pumping gas.
02:45:28.000 It was in the Bronx.
02:45:29.000 And I went over to this pay phone, and I'm on the pay phone, and I'm watching rats jump onto the wheel of my car, jump into the engine bay, jump all around it.
02:45:38.000 They were coming out of the sewer and jumping on the car.
02:45:42.000 I was two minutes on the phone going, what the fuck?
02:45:45.000 I didn't realize until I lived in the city what a problem that is.
02:45:48.000 Rats will go inside you.
02:45:49.000 If you leave your car, like, sitting for days at a time, rats will get inside and, like, chew, like, wires and fucking, like, fuck your car.
02:45:55.000 It's crazy.
02:45:56.000 So it says for over a hundred years nearly everyone has believed New York is about eight million rats.
02:46:00.000 A ratio of one human to one rat.
02:46:02.000 The theory began in the 1900s when author and rat expert W.R. Boulter hypothesized that in England there was a ratio of one human to one rat.
02:46:11.000 However, Auerbach points out that the hypothesis was erroneously applied to New York City and is widely quoted to this day.
02:46:17.000 Any expert has debunked.
02:46:19.000 You know what?
02:46:19.000 I lost a lot of faith in experts over the last few years.
02:46:22.000 I'd like to see some fucking data.
02:46:24.000 You know, it's actually 36 humans to one rat.
02:46:27.000 I don't know about that.
02:46:28.000 I don't think you know that.
02:46:30.000 I don't think you know.
02:46:31.000 I mean, under the grounds, like, how do you possibly know?
02:46:34.000 The entire subway systems are full of fucking rats.
02:46:36.000 Didn't it say, after that, Jamie, someone said it's one-to-one?
02:46:39.000 What did it say?
02:46:40.000 It said in 1950, the New York City Health Department went back to one-to-one.
02:46:43.000 Okay.
02:46:44.000 That's probably more accurate.
02:46:45.000 And it's probably even worse now.
02:46:47.000 There's no fucking way you know.
02:46:48.000 The whole, the tunnels, it's all filled.
02:46:51.000 Rats are everywhere.
02:46:52.000 In the city, and we all lived in the city for years and years, but Jay still does, but every now and then, there'll just be a block where there's construction or something like that, like there's something open in the ground, and sometimes you just have to walk through it, and you just have to stomp your way through it because there's just rats everywhere.
02:47:10.000 It's the fucking worst, dude.
02:47:11.000 It feels like your skin is like, oh, dude, it's awful.
02:47:14.000 I've never seen it with rats before, but I found out what it was after, but...
02:47:18.000 Talking about a first-time New York thing happening was, uh, I was just outside smoking a cigarette on my stoop when I was in the East Village, and all of a sudden I was like, hmm, that's weird.
02:47:29.000 Three roaches walking by in the daylight for like, that's kind of weird.
02:47:33.000 You don't see that a lot.
02:47:34.000 Just like, you know, it's like three different times, three different roaches.
02:47:36.000 I'm like, that's pretty strange.
02:47:38.000 And then several more, and then I'm telling you, uh, and I'm telling you, within five minutes, Falling off the buildings.
02:47:48.000 Our superintendent came out and he was like, what's going on?
02:47:50.000 And then we saw him landing on his shoulder.
02:47:53.000 He was freaking out.
02:47:53.000 And then we went inside, came out a couple hours later, and there was thousands of them dead on the street.
02:47:58.000 And I go, what happened?
02:47:59.000 He goes, oh, that's what they do in New York.
02:48:01.000 Whenever they bomb a building for...
02:48:06.000 Like roaches, it just shoots them to other buildings.
02:48:09.000 So that's what it was.
02:48:10.000 He goes, oh, one building, they're probably trying to sell a building, so they bombed it for roaches, and it just sends tens of thousands of them out onto the streets.
02:48:18.000 Probably millions.
02:48:19.000 I mean, when I was saying you couldn't take a step and not be stepping on the carcasses of 50 of them, but they just...
02:48:26.000 Were they like the water bugs, the big ones?
02:48:29.000 That's the ones Jay's talking about.
02:48:32.000 They're the most disgusting creature in the world, those water bugs in New York City.
02:48:35.000 That's what we used to call them growing up.
02:48:37.000 Oh, ew, it's crawling, and then all of a sudden it just takes flight and comes at you.
02:48:40.000 And it's like one month a year that they actually fly, but when they do, man, they just become the grossest thing.
02:48:47.000 If you want to live in a big city, that's just part of the program.
02:48:51.000 Can't get rid of them.
02:48:51.000 Can't get rid of the rats either.
02:48:52.000 It's not like anyone's incompetent.
02:48:54.000 It's too deep.
02:48:55.000 You would have to move out.
02:48:56.000 It's our job to go.
02:48:58.000 Let the rats have it.
02:48:59.000 Yeah, you'd have to move out and then nuke it from space.
02:49:03.000 I live out in the country now, and there's all types of animals that I don't love that are around, but nothing's gross like that.
02:49:10.000 Like, it's like, there's like a bobcat that we've caught on our camera a few times.
02:49:14.000 I'm like, I don't really want that thing around.
02:49:16.000 They're kind of cool, though.
02:49:17.000 Yeah, it's cool.
02:49:18.000 It's not, like, disgusting.
02:49:19.000 There's some gross animals.
02:49:20.000 I live a little closer to the city in Jersey.
02:49:23.000 I get some gross animals, too.
02:49:24.000 We have those...
02:49:25.000 Yeah, you're one of them.
02:49:26.000 Yeah, Puerto Regans, you know.
02:49:27.000 What are the things that was, like, a big problem in New York last summer?
02:49:32.000 Black Lives Matter riots.
02:49:33.000 The bugs?
02:49:34.000 Yeah.
02:49:34.000 Oh, they're still there.
02:49:35.000 Lanternflies.
02:49:36.000 They're back this year.
02:49:36.000 Lanternflies.
02:49:37.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.
02:49:38.000 Lanternflies.
02:49:38.000 What are those?
02:49:39.000 Invasive.
02:49:40.000 So it came over in a...
02:49:41.000 So in 2020, in the summer of 2020...
02:49:43.000 Illegal immigrant flies.
02:49:45.000 They're being funded by the UN. I'll tell you that much.
02:49:47.000 They were brought over.
02:49:48.000 They were doing work on the High Line.
02:49:50.000 But I know they said, in the summer of 2020, we started seeing these little bugs we had never seen before, and they said, you're supposed to kill it.
02:49:56.000 They're almost kind of pretty when you see them.
02:49:58.000 They said you're supposed to kill it if you see it.
02:49:59.000 And immediately we were like, I don't work for you, government.
02:50:01.000 I'm not going around killing your bugs.
02:50:02.000 And then by the next summer, there was like ten times as many.
02:50:06.000 And the next summer, there were like ten times as many.
02:50:08.000 They would land on you.
02:50:08.000 They look like moths with like a red underbelly or something.
02:50:11.000 Kind of.
02:50:11.000 Yeah, they're like a little red.
02:50:13.000 They're almost kind of pretty looking until there's a bunch of them and they kind of fly on you.
02:50:16.000 At first when I saw them, I thought they were like beautiful little butterflies.
02:50:19.000 And I was like, oh, they're nice.
02:50:20.000 And then I heard that they were a problem.
02:50:21.000 And then they skeeved me out like roaches immediately.
02:50:23.000 They fuck up plants.
02:50:24.000 But they came over.
02:50:26.000 The High Line in New York was doing something.
02:50:28.000 They brought in plants from China.
02:50:30.000 And they came in years ago.
02:50:31.000 Is that why?
02:50:32.000 Yeah.
02:50:32.000 So they came in through the docks and these plants from China.
02:50:35.000 And now it's just, they are there.
02:50:37.000 And it's crazy.
02:50:39.000 It's about a month, month and a half.
02:50:41.000 They are a, like, the roof of my building- You can probably pull that up, Jamie, like New York City lanternflies?
02:50:46.000 You can't go on the roof of my building, like, there's, same thing, like, tens of thousands of them all over there.
02:50:51.000 There was a lady up there one time, I walked up there, covered in them like fucking Candyman.
02:50:55.000 Jesus Christ!
02:50:57.000 They were coming out of her mouth?
02:50:57.000 It was crazy, she was accepting it, I was like, oh, God!
02:51:00.000 She was accepting it?
02:51:01.000 But they're evolving, too, in the fact that the first year that I was aware of them, the first year I was aware of them, you could step on them, and they didn't really do much.
02:51:09.000 Now they fly and they run around.
02:51:11.000 They'll be in doorways all over the place.
02:51:13.000 If you have no screen on your window, if you open a window, there will be a hundred of them in a room.
02:51:18.000 Oh my god, that's so disgusting.
02:51:19.000 It was only like this for like two weeks last summer, but there were two weeks where my yard was unusable.
02:51:25.000 You just could not go out.
02:51:27.000 It's about a month.
02:51:27.000 One of the ones that come up every however many years, they come up out of the ground.
02:51:31.000 Locusts.
02:51:32.000 Cicadas.
02:51:33.000 Cicadas.
02:51:33.000 Cicadas.
02:51:34.000 That's in Jersey as well.
02:51:35.000 Cicadas are cool, though.
02:51:36.000 They make cool sounds.
02:51:37.000 They make really cool sounds, except you find they're like carcasses, like the hollowed out carcasses of their bodies all over the place.
02:51:42.000 But they're not trying to run through your bathroom.
02:51:44.000 No.
02:51:44.000 No, and these things are...
02:51:46.000 What did that lady say?
02:51:47.000 They're killing all plants and stuff, too.
02:51:49.000 So it's really bad, but they're like...
02:51:51.000 If you read one article, it's like, here's New York's five-year plan to get rid of the lanternflies, and the next article's like, no, they're just here.
02:51:59.000 Like, this is gonna be a month every year.
02:52:00.000 And they came from where?
02:52:01.000 China.
02:52:01.000 Wow.
02:52:02.000 China got us twice.
02:52:03.000 And they land on you.
02:52:03.000 They're not afraid.
02:52:04.000 That's it.
02:52:05.000 Two strikes, China.
02:52:06.000 Don't you try this shit again.
02:52:07.000 They're not afraid of you either.
02:52:08.000 Do they land right on your face, on your head, on your body?
02:52:11.000 Oh, great.
02:52:12.000 Did they come over in some sort of a cargo ship or something?
02:52:15.000 Yeah, I think...
02:52:16.000 It was in plants that they were bringing.
02:52:18.000 I'm pretty sure Fauci made them.
02:52:20.000 Wow.
02:52:21.000 They're pretty cool looking.
02:52:23.000 Maybe they can vaccinate us that way.
02:52:27.000 Genetically engineer mosquitoes to run around vaccinating people.
02:52:32.000 They would do this thing.
02:52:33.000 In my old place, we used to like, we'd have like, there's like a sliding glass door, and we'd have just like the screen open.
02:52:40.000 And it was like, in the weeks where it was bad, every 10 minutes you'd look over there, and there's like four of them on there.
02:52:46.000 And then you'd hit the screen, and they kind of fly off, but then they just fly right back.
02:52:50.000 And if you like left the room and came back, you'd come back and there's 50 of them.
02:52:53.000 It's just gross.
02:52:55.000 Yeah, it's not fun.
02:52:56.000 I'm a real chick when it comes to bugs and creepy things.
02:52:59.000 You're normal.
02:53:00.000 People who like bugs are weird.
02:53:02.000 They are weird.
02:53:02.000 People keep bugs in their house.
02:53:04.000 Like, look, it's a tarantula.
02:53:06.000 I'm gonna feed it a mouse.
02:53:07.000 You're a fucking psychopath.
02:53:09.000 What the fuck is wrong with you?
02:53:10.000 Anything icky is not my thing.
02:53:12.000 So I went home with a girl years ago from a diner.
02:53:14.000 Turns out she was a tarantula.
02:53:15.000 She was a tarantula.
02:53:16.000 No, it was weird pets and the final straw where I left.
02:53:20.000 We didn't hook up because when she was like, oh, you got to let my albino rat crawl on you.
02:53:25.000 And I was like, I'm just going to go.
02:53:26.000 This is not worth it.
02:53:28.000 I had a buddy who hooked up with this girl and she had a crocodile monitor.
02:53:31.000 She had a crocodile monitor in her house.
02:53:33.000 It's a pet.
02:53:34.000 You can keep it as a pet.
02:53:35.000 Wait, what is it?
02:53:36.000 It's a crocodile monitor.
02:53:37.000 It's the creepiest looking lizard that you could buy from an exotic pet store.
02:53:41.000 You could buy them.
02:53:42.000 You could have that.
02:53:43.000 This girl apparently had that.
02:53:46.000 He was like, yo, red flag.
02:53:48.000 Yeah, the girl lost my opportunity to have an iguana that I hated.
02:53:52.000 This lady thought she was on Games of Thrones.
02:53:53.000 She had her own dragon.
02:53:55.000 You said you watched that chimp crazy thing.
02:53:57.000 It's lonely old women who can throw heartfelt emotion into anything in the world.
02:54:03.000 Yeah, women are caregivers.
02:54:05.000 A lot of women are at least.
02:54:06.000 They get chimps?
02:54:07.000 They wanted to keep these chimps and raise them.
02:54:09.000 This lady, this fucking chimp, attacked her friend, tore her face off.
02:54:12.000 Oh, is that the 911 call?
02:54:14.000 Yeah, one of them.
02:54:15.000 The documentary's not about that lady, but they talk about that situation.
02:54:18.000 Oh my god, that one is horrifying.
02:54:19.000 The point is, that lady got a chimp after that.
02:54:22.000 Another one.
02:54:22.000 She missed having her chimp.
02:54:24.000 They're cool.
02:54:24.000 It got murdered.
02:54:25.000 I went to the Doc Annals place down in Myrtle Beach with my son.
02:54:30.000 It was in the Tiger King documentary.
02:54:33.000 But they didn't just have tigers.
02:54:34.000 They had the baby tigers, which was awesome.
02:54:36.000 But they had chimps that came out.
02:54:38.000 It was a really, really cool experience.
02:54:40.000 Hutus.
02:54:41.000 They had some Hutus.
02:54:42.000 Super educational.
02:54:44.000 Yeah.
02:54:45.000 No, it was definitely they were torturing these animals, but it was definitely worth the $500 I spent to get in.
02:54:49.000 Nice.
02:54:50.000 They castrate those chimps, too.
02:54:52.000 Most of them.
02:54:53.000 That one in Connecticut, though, they didn't.
02:54:55.000 The mind-blowing thing was that...
02:54:57.000 Is that part of why he, like...
02:54:58.000 Oh, yeah.
02:54:59.000 Yeah, they're way more aggressive.
02:55:01.000 They're not castrate.
02:55:02.000 I had the guys on.
02:55:02.000 The guys who made the documentary.
02:55:04.000 Oh.
02:55:04.000 Or the show.
02:55:05.000 He, uh, that chimp crazy thing, it's...
02:55:07.000 I was blown away, actually, by how much stuff...
02:55:10.000 I mean, like, she made them weirdly self-sufficient on something.
02:55:13.000 When she throw them...
02:55:15.000 I got McNuggets.
02:55:16.000 It wasn't he open the McNuggets then they throw him she goes oh and here's your sauce like a sweet like a sweet and sour sauce and the monkey knows how to go like like rip the lid off and like dink.
02:55:26.000 It's pretty wacky.
02:55:27.000 They weren't dipping it though.
02:55:28.000 I kept asking them like did they dip?
02:55:30.000 Like why didn't you show that they dipped?
02:55:32.000 Like, they just drank that stuff.
02:55:34.000 Oh, yeah.
02:55:35.000 Because there's a weird line there.
02:55:36.000 It's like, if they dip, you're almost like, maybe they deserve rights.
02:55:39.000 I don't know.
02:55:40.000 Like, if you go, I'm not going to have a dry nugget.
02:55:44.000 Crack sodas and drink them.
02:55:45.000 Yep.
02:55:46.000 They don't just, like, bite the top off of a soda thing.
02:55:48.000 They listen to things, too.
02:55:50.000 She could say, grab that paper, and he'll grab the paper and give it back to her.
02:55:52.000 Give her the garbage when she give them McNuggets and shit.
02:55:54.000 But she has to keep them in a cage.
02:55:56.000 Because he's a male.
02:55:57.000 He's a grown male.
02:55:58.000 And they'll just go crazy and just rip your face off.
02:56:00.000 And there's nothing you can do about it.
02:56:02.000 They were giving them Kool-Aid at Doc Antle's place.
02:56:05.000 They were chugging the Kool-Aid, these chimps.
02:56:08.000 They were fucking...
02:56:09.000 They loved it.
02:56:10.000 And they were really scared, dude.
02:56:11.000 They came down and they were like...
02:56:13.000 You weren't at all, but I just thought you were about to make a really racist joke.
02:56:17.000 No, no.
02:56:17.000 I'm being real.
02:56:18.000 I'm 100%.
02:56:19.000 They love Kool-Aid.
02:56:20.000 You're like, easy, Lewis.
02:56:20.000 Come on, man.
02:56:22.000 No, but like they came down and they were just so like kind of like walking around us.
02:56:26.000 They were full so they were like six feet tall.
02:56:27.000 It was fucking dude.
02:56:29.000 That's terrifying.
02:56:29.000 Yeah, they were full-grown chimps.
02:56:31.000 They were full-grown chimps and they they just felt at any moment that they could just lose their shit and just take over.
02:56:36.000 If they just wanted to at any moment they could just attack you then that's what you ever see that one where the guy was like with his bear.
02:56:42.000 He had a trained bear.
02:56:43.000 He had this guy stand still and the guy's just standing still and the bear just decides to rip his neck off just out of nowhere.
02:56:53.000 Yeah, but that's a different one.
02:56:55.000 That's a different one.
02:56:56.000 This is different.
02:56:58.000 This is a guy who's just standing there, and it's a bear that was in a bunch of movies.
02:57:02.000 It was a bear that was like a trained bear, and this bear out of nowhere just decides to rip this guy's throat apart.
02:57:07.000 What kind of bear?
02:57:07.000 A grizzly.
02:57:08.000 Okay, those are the...
02:57:09.000 Because what do I got in Jersey by me?
02:57:11.000 It's the Black Bears.
02:57:12.000 Black Bears.
02:57:13.000 They still kill people.
02:57:14.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:57:14.000 They also look good.
02:57:15.000 They killed a kid at Rutgers.
02:57:17.000 It is so funny.
02:57:18.000 When someone has to scream, though, like the name they give, like chimpanzees and stuff, like, Mr. Mittens!
02:57:25.000 Please, God, stop it!
02:57:28.000 He's biting her fingers off.
02:57:30.000 It's a funny thing because especially little kids, all of their stories and shows, it's all nature personified and things like that.
02:57:40.000 I remember my daughter when she was three asking me why bugs are running away from her.
02:57:48.000 She's like, why is the spider running away or whatever it is?
02:57:50.000 Because you're white, honey.
02:57:51.000 Yeah.
02:57:52.000 He's like, well, you know, he thinks you're gonna kill it because you might actually kill it.
02:57:56.000 But then you almost...
02:57:56.000 Bears, especially the young ones, look so fucking cute.
02:58:00.000 You just look at them and you're like, oh my god.
02:58:02.000 If you see a bear cub, you're dead already.
02:58:04.000 Tiger cubs look cute.
02:58:05.000 It's nature's dirty trick.
02:58:06.000 It is the awful thing of it.
02:58:08.000 That's the problem with, like, they said about, like, having chimpanzees as pets is, like, for a while, it's totally fine.
02:58:15.000 And then one day, it's just not.
02:58:16.000 And that one that ripped the lady's face off, did you see, like, that video?
02:58:20.000 They show a video of, like...
02:58:22.000 They should have known this was going to happen because a kid one time picked up a shoe off the floor that the monkey wanted, and then he goes over and he's coming after him.
02:58:31.000 It looks a little aggressive, but he's not that big, so it doesn't look that scary.
02:58:34.000 But then when he just makes a move to grab at the shirt and whatever, and you see the kid almost falls over, and he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
02:58:40.000 And they have to all kind of...
02:58:41.000 Jump in front of the monkey, like, over something he's unaware.
02:58:44.000 The guy doesn't even know what he did wrong.
02:58:45.000 He just grabbed the shoe off the floor, and the monkey wanted that shoe and didn't know how to tell him.
02:58:48.000 And he just decided to beat the fuck out of the little kid.
02:58:51.000 And it doesn't seem to be anything wrong with it.
02:58:53.000 Right?
02:58:54.000 That's what they do.
02:58:54.000 Yeah, they bite your fingers off.
02:58:56.000 Yeah, they tear your genitals off so you can't procreate anymore.
02:58:59.000 They'll bite your feet off.
02:59:01.000 Yeah, really.
02:59:02.000 Crazy shit.
02:59:03.000 Don't keep them as pets.
02:59:04.000 You know what they don't do?
02:59:04.000 They don't kill people.
02:59:05.000 Isn't that crazy?
02:59:06.000 They just maim you.
02:59:07.000 Just rip you apart.
02:59:08.000 That's what's really nuts.
02:59:09.000 They don't?
02:59:10.000 They won't kill you, though?
02:59:11.000 They don't kill people.
02:59:12.000 There's very few instances of chimpanzees killing people.
02:59:15.000 These guys are saying they kill people as far as little kids get snatched up in Africa.
02:59:20.000 If you're a child, like a baby, and you're near aggressive, hungry chimpanzees, and you leave the kid alone, they'll steal your kid.
02:59:26.000 That's wild.
02:59:26.000 There's been instances of them stealing kids.
02:59:29.000 Well, they eat monkeys all the time.
02:59:31.000 That I've seen videos of, which is insane.
02:59:34.000 I think I saw you playing it on the show.
02:59:37.000 Chimps eating monkeys.
02:59:37.000 Chimps eating monkeys is like dark.
02:59:39.000 The way they do it.
02:59:41.000 They didn't know they did it until Attenborough went into the woods.
02:59:44.000 And he started filming.
02:59:45.000 And then he got this footage of these chimps setting up an ambush on these monkeys.
02:59:49.000 And they rip them apart while they're alive.
02:59:51.000 Yeah, they torture them to death.
02:59:53.000 So he's like, got them alive and he's just eating them.
02:59:55.000 Fucking dick first.
02:59:56.000 Just pulling chunks of meat off of them.
02:59:59.000 And they're ripping arms off and handing it to their friends.
03:00:01.000 But it's just because we're so related to them, it's so much more gruesome.
03:00:05.000 But did I watch Nature is Metal?
03:00:06.000 It's a great follow on Instagram.
03:00:08.000 Did I watch a fucking lion eat a baby out of an antelope's stomach and just swallow it like a pill?
03:00:15.000 You're like, oh, that's awesome.
03:00:16.000 Horrible.
03:00:17.000 Komodo dragons are the scariest.
03:00:18.000 They just swallow everything whole.
03:00:20.000 Take a whole goat and just...
03:00:21.000 Fucking hooves.
03:00:23.000 Yeah, dude.
03:00:25.000 All four legs are hanging out of the mouth still.
03:00:27.000 And no animals have, there's not a lot of emotion in the faces of those, especially lizards.
03:00:32.000 So they eat a whole goat and then they're just like, on the next thing.
03:00:36.000 No highs, no lows.
03:00:37.000 Especially when you see a bird.
03:00:39.000 Dude, you just ate a fucking goat!
03:00:41.000 Dude, watching a bird eat a mammal is just one of the weird...
03:00:44.000 It just doesn't look like it should happen.
03:00:46.000 So it'll just be like a bird or like...
03:00:47.000 It'll be like a seabird.
03:00:48.000 It'll be like a seagull and it'll pick up a squirrel and just...
03:00:50.000 Rats.
03:00:51.000 They kill rats all the time.
03:00:52.000 They eat them.
03:00:53.000 Swallow them whole.
03:00:54.000 There's crazy videos of seagulls swallowing rats whole.
03:00:56.000 Alright, we gotta bring the seagulls into Manhattan.
03:00:59.000 We'll figure out the seagull problem next.
03:01:03.000 Seagulls are gonna eat your cat.
03:01:04.000 They're gonna eat everything.
03:01:05.000 Once they run out of rats, but they won't.
03:01:08.000 But that's one of the reasons why the Hollywood Hills aren't filled with rats.
03:01:11.000 It's because of coyotes.
03:01:13.000 Right.
03:01:13.000 The more coyotes there are, the less rats.
03:01:15.000 We, one time in, I think actually it was the last time that we all did your show together.
03:01:23.000 The three of us did it.
03:01:24.000 And it was back when you were in LA, and I was staying in some Airbnb out in the hills.
03:01:30.000 And me and my wife heard, we were literally sleeping at night, and we heard, I believe, coyotes attacking a dog.
03:01:39.000 Right.
03:01:39.000 And it was like the saddest thing to hear.
03:01:42.000 Because you hear them like come up and then it's like 30 seconds of a dog like...
03:01:48.000 And my wife loves dogs.
03:01:50.000 She was like crying.
03:01:51.000 And she's like, we have to do something.
03:01:53.000 And I was like, we will be doing nothing but letting this happen.
03:01:56.000 You can't do it.
03:01:57.000 It's already too late.
03:01:58.000 Yeah, it's pitch black outside.
03:01:59.000 I was going to go out there with a lantern.
03:02:01.000 Pussy.
03:02:02.000 What a pussy.
03:02:04.000 They usually don't kill people.
03:02:05.000 The last time a coyote killed a person on record was a Canadian folk singer.
03:02:11.000 She lived in a part of Canada where the coyotes had started eating moose.
03:02:15.000 Because they were running out of things to eat, and they realized that if they bite on moose's legs, especially young mooses, they could take them out, and then they could eat them and kill them.
03:02:23.000 So they were accustomed to going after things larger than them.
03:02:26.000 So they started to learn.
03:02:28.000 And they killed this lady.
03:02:29.000 Wow.
03:02:29.000 And we know female folk singers.
03:02:31.000 They are big.
03:02:32.000 I don't know if she was big.
03:02:34.000 I don't think she was, in fact.
03:02:35.000 I think she was pretty small.
03:02:36.000 It might have been an honest mistake.
03:02:37.000 They thought it was a moose.
03:02:39.000 We're used to this.
03:02:40.000 And that's how much folk music sucks.
03:02:42.000 Or they don't give a fuck about you.
03:02:45.000 That's more likely.
03:02:46.000 You live in a place where there's actual bears.
03:02:48.000 New Jersey's so bad that the mayor ran on a platform of having bears, the bear hunting be removed.
03:02:55.000 And then once he was in office, he was like, fuck that, start hunting them again.
03:02:58.000 Because there's so many human bear interact.
03:03:00.000 New Jersey has more bears per capita than anywhere in the lower 48. Really?
03:03:05.000 Yeah, New Jersey.
03:03:06.000 New Jersey's got a lot of bears, yeah.
03:03:07.000 We've got a lot of crazy wildlife.
03:03:08.000 A lot of mountains, that's why.
03:03:09.000 People forget about the Ramapo Mountains.
03:03:13.000 It gets rural as shit.
03:03:15.000 Rural as shit, man.
03:03:17.000 Jersey's called the Garden State, but everyone, when they think of Jersey, they think of Newark and Camden.
03:03:22.000 Or Jersey Shore became so big that when you say Jersey now, you're imagining the dyed hair and the fucking fist bumping guys.
03:03:28.000 But most of New Jersey is not anything like that.
03:03:30.000 It's just...
03:03:31.000 Mountains and woods.
03:03:33.000 A lot of mountain people.
03:03:35.000 Yeah, there's like rednecks in New Jersey.
03:03:37.000 Oh, yeah.
03:03:38.000 Have you ever seen the movie Out of the Furnace?
03:03:40.000 It explores that whole thing.
03:03:41.000 It was Christian Bale, Casey Affleck, Willem Dafoe.
03:03:44.000 Oh, really?
03:03:45.000 And Woody Harrelson played the character of those mountain people, just meth trade, cousin fucking.
03:03:53.000 It's really like they make it a weird place.
03:03:56.000 Was that in Pennsylvania or in Jersey?
03:03:58.000 No, it's Jersey.
03:04:00.000 It's actually...
03:04:01.000 On the border of Maramapo Mountains, I think, yeah.
03:04:04.000 Jim Miller, a UFC fighter, lives in New Jersey in the woods.
03:04:08.000 Yep.
03:04:08.000 He lives in Sparta, New Jersey.
03:04:10.000 That's crazy.
03:04:12.000 It's crazy.
03:04:13.000 Sparta.
03:04:14.000 Everybody thinks Smog Stacks.
03:04:16.000 Yeah.
03:04:17.000 They think it's the smell.
03:04:18.000 Well, it's the same way people think of Pennsylvania.
03:04:20.000 They think of Philly and Pittsburgh and shit.
03:04:22.000 But most of Pennsylvania, they're not producing Jay Oakerson's out there.
03:04:27.000 They're making like...
03:04:28.000 It's you, but you just went in the lumberjack direction.
03:04:31.000 It's me with a dad that stuck around and really told me how the world worked.
03:04:35.000 That's where the world gets dark, right?
03:04:36.000 You get born into a spot where there's fucking no way out of here.
03:04:41.000 You get stuck in the coal mines of West Virginia and you're like, shit.
03:04:46.000 Like, how do I get out of here?
03:04:48.000 Because if you live in a big city, people are dreaming and shit.
03:04:51.000 If you're in the middle of nowhere, it's like...
03:04:54.000 Well, even if you're in the suburb of a big city, if you're in kind of nowhere, but there's a half-hour bus to a city where something's I remember talking to Jeff Dice, who's a really brilliant dude.
03:05:07.000 He was Ron Paul's chief of staff for years.
03:05:11.000 So where Ron Paul is, it's like two hours south of Houston.
03:05:15.000 Lake Jackson, I think, was the name of his district.
03:05:17.000 And he was telling me, he was like, dude, there's nothing here.
03:05:20.000 If you're a kid coming up here, it's like, I don't know, we got an Arby's.
03:05:26.000 And that's where so many of those kids joined the military.
03:05:29.000 Because that's like the only thing you could do.
03:05:31.000 Or Juggalo.
03:05:34.000 There's one other option, oft-overlooked option, become a juggalo.
03:05:39.000 Or join a cult.
03:05:41.000 Join a court.
03:05:42.000 You know, that's how you get someone into a cult.
03:05:44.000 It's the best option available.
03:05:45.000 You know, like, hey, can you guys travel?
03:05:48.000 Can I be a missionary?
03:05:49.000 I'm gonna go to Brazil.
03:05:50.000 Fuck it.
03:05:52.000 He doesn't stop.
03:05:53.000 I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette.
03:05:54.000 Let's wrap this up.
03:05:55.000 My eyes are gonna pop out.
03:05:56.000 We're like three and a half hours in.
03:05:58.000 Boys, it was a lot of fun.
03:05:59.000 Dude, you're the man, Joe.
03:06:01.000 Good times.
03:06:01.000 Thank you.
03:06:02.000 I really believe what I said about Skankfest.
03:06:04.000 It's very important.
03:06:06.000 You guys are doing it.
03:06:06.000 It's very important.
03:06:07.000 I know it seems like fun.
03:06:08.000 It is fun, I'm sure.
03:06:09.000 Very fun.
03:06:10.000 You need things out there that are...
03:06:13.000 Genuinely open and free and pushing the boundaries of comedy.
03:06:17.000 And Skankfest is a great place for that.
03:06:19.000 So it's important.
03:06:20.000 I appreciate you guys.
03:06:22.000 Thank you so much.
03:06:23.000 And there's a live stream event.
03:06:24.000 Lewis, tell everybody about this.
03:06:26.000 You still get passes for Sunday, I believe.
03:06:29.000 There might be a handful of Fridays left, but we're live streaming it as well.
03:06:32.000 If you guys can't be there live in Las Vegas this weekend, September 27th or 29th, just go to skankfest.com.
03:06:36.000 There's a bunch of events you could actually watch live as we stream them.
03:06:39.000 And yeah, we're just pumped.
03:06:41.000 Thank you.
03:06:41.000 Get your liver detox pills ready, you fucking animals.
03:06:44.000 Everyone's going to party like we've never done before.
03:06:47.000 Lifosomal glutathione.
03:06:49.000 Get that.
03:06:50.000 You're going to need that.
03:06:51.000 All right.
03:06:51.000 Gentlemen, I appreciate you.
03:06:53.000 Always fun.
03:06:53.000 Good times.
03:06:54.000 You're the man, Joe.
03:06:55.000 You're the man.
03:06:55.000 Bye.