The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #224 - Brian Redban

00:00:01.000 the joe rogan experience podcast is brought to you by the fleshless A lot of people are like, what the fuck is that?

00:00:17.000 You leave your Ustream on and then it just comes on to that. 0.99

00:00:20.000 The fuck did I do, man? 0.99

00:00:23.000 The Joe Rogan Experience is brought to you by The Fleshlight. 0.99

00:00:27.000 And if you go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, You will save yourself a lot of money.

00:00:35.000 We found out, 15% to be exact, we found out that the Joe Rogan experienced listeners who call into the fleshlight are much more likely to buy them, the people that click on the website, much more likely to buy them than the average listener.

00:00:52.000 Yeah.

00:00:53.000 Many, many, many times, which is kind of crazy, but maybe sad. 1.00

00:00:57.000 Maybe we're all a bunch of fucking twisted perverts. 1.00

00:00:59.000 Yeah, your listeners are all pervs. 1.00

00:01:03.000 For sure.

00:01:04.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net, there's also a link for AlphaBrain.

00:01:10.000 What's AlphaBrain, Joe?

00:01:11.000 Oh, do you have any?

00:01:12.000 Yeah, I do.

00:01:13.000 I just need more.

00:01:16.000 I've now become you, Joe.

00:01:18.000 Since you gave me that last bottle, I begin it every morning.

00:01:21.000 All the issues that people started having about sensitivity, we've eradicated them.

00:01:27.000 I was one of them.

00:01:28.000 But it still has the same kick to it. 0.98

00:01:31.000 You have to go to onnit.com for all the information because I'm not a fucking scientist and I'm a little stoned. 0.94

00:01:37.000 But on it is O-N-N-I-T and what AlphaBrain is is a nootropic. 0.93

00:01:42.000 It is a cognitive enhancing supplement. 1.00

00:01:44.000 You know, it's a very slippery slope when you start advertising shit. 0.99

00:01:49.000 You know, when you start selling things and people know that the words that are coming out of your mouth are designed to make money. 1.00

00:01:55.000 And so they just assume that you'll be full of shit. 1.00

00:01:57.000 Like, I can't tell you how many fucking assholes I've had to deal with online that say that, oh, it's a fucking placebo. 1.00

00:02:03.000 You're ripping people off for a placebo. 1.00

00:02:06.000 It is absolutely not a placebo.

00:02:10.000 There's no way nootropics would get to this point through the scientific community, through the supplement community.

00:02:19.000 There's no way.

00:02:21.000 These are not placebos.

00:02:23.000 They use them on Alzheimer's patients.

00:02:26.000 There's a considerable amount of both anecdotal evidence, research, and more research is being done, and particularly by us.

00:02:34.000 We're running it right now.

00:02:36.000 We're running some double-blind placebo study.

00:02:39.000 It takes months to do these things, and I don't want to talk too much about it until after it's over.

00:02:43.000 But if the results are bad, I'll tell you.

00:02:46.000 Do not worry.

00:02:47.000 If the results are good, I'll tell you.

00:02:48.000 Don't worry.

00:02:50.000 I believe in supplements.

00:02:51.000 I've always used them.

00:02:53.000 I take every day.

00:02:54.000 I take fish oil.

00:02:55.000 I take chelated minerals.

00:02:57.000 I take multivitamins.

00:02:58.000 When I don't, I don't feel as good.

00:03:00.000 I don't have as much energy.

00:03:02.000 When my diet sucks, I don't feel as good either.

00:03:04.000 When I'm not eating healthy, I don't feel as good.

00:03:06.000 I believe it's very important to take care of this body, to take care of this vehicle. 0.85

00:03:11.000 It doesn't mean, you know, that you have to fucking be a vegan and you can't ever have cheat days and eat ice cream. 1.00

00:03:18.000 That's bullshit. 0.98

00:03:19.000 I just think the majority of the food that goes into your body should be healthy. 1.00

00:03:23.000 The majority.

00:03:24.000 If you want to have a burger one day... 1.00

00:03:26.000 Have a fucking burger, man. 1.00

00:03:27.000 What are you going to live forever? 1.00

00:03:28.000 But the majority of your food should be healthy.

00:03:32.000 And on top of that, I am a big fan of supplementation.

00:03:37.000 There's a thing that I was talking about.

00:03:39.000 Sleduline.

00:03:40.000 Is this some new compound that's supposed to also...

00:03:43.000 It's some new one.

00:03:45.000 I just took it today for the very first time.

00:03:47.000 So I'll tell you what it does.

00:03:49.000 If it makes me feel any different.

00:03:51.000 I just took it like an hour ago.

00:03:52.000 So I'm not even sure when it kicks in. 0.99

00:03:54.000 I wish there should be, though, somebody that regulates all of these to make sure that you should be able to take what you're taking and alpha brain, you know, like mixing that kind of shit. 0.86

00:04:05.000 Well, with vitamins, you don't have to worry about that shit, but what you can worry about is when you get into, like, compounded drugs and... 0.93

00:04:12.000 And SSRIs, like the issue that a lot of people have had with taking NuMood, which is another supplement we have, which is a 5-HTP supplement. 0.96

00:04:21.000 And 5-HTP, there are issues that people have that are taking antidepressants.

00:04:26.000 So if you're taking an antidepressant, essentially it's giving you a bunch of dopamine, a bunch of serotonin, rather.

00:04:32.000 And it's giving it to you, like the antidepressants are, you're getting it from the antidepressants, and you're also getting it from the 5-HTP. Which is really, basically, a natural antidepressant.

00:04:44.000 I mean, the word antidepressant, I mean, what is really going on?

00:04:47.000 Well, what's really going on is when you're depressed, your serotonin is down.

00:04:50.000 It doesn't necessarily mean that your life is any different, but now, all of a sudden, you're enjoying it.

00:04:56.000 And there's a big debate on that, you know? 0.70

00:04:58.000 There's a big debate on whether that's smart and whether or not A lot of people are taking antidepressants and fucking with their brain chemistry when what is really going on is they're in a shit stage of their life and if they can learn by these bad feelings and learn by the lessons they could possibly move to a better place in life where you know you eliminate all these things that are making you feel bad improve upon all these areas that you have real problems with and then you won't have these bad feelings all the time you won't be quote unquote depressed but I know people that have had fucked up 0.99

00:05:28.000 lives man That have used antidepressants and gotten themselves back on track and then weaned themselves off of it and are really happy today. 0.65

00:05:35.000 I have a friend that for, you know, he was on the verge of committing suicide, he said.

00:05:40.000 He was super, super depressed, terrible life, terrible childhood, you know, very abusive childhood. 0.99

00:05:45.000 But when he got on antidepressants, he got his shit together. 0.99

00:05:49.000 And then once he got his shit together, he met his wife, he fell in love, he started a business, became very successful with his business, then slowly weaned himself off the antidepressants. 0.99

00:05:59.000 And now he's very happy. 0.99

00:06:00.000 And he's convinced that his state of mind was directly related, his depression was directly related to how shit his life was. 0.99

00:06:08.000 But antidepressants saved his life. 0.97

00:06:10.000 You know, if everybody's story was like that, I wouldn't even be remotely skeptical. 0.99

00:06:14.000 You know, I would say, hey, you know, obviously this is a great thing, but human beings, we're some slothy fucking slovenly cunts. 0.99

00:06:22.000 And if we find just any excuse to take a pill, oh, I need a Xanax. 0.99

00:06:26.000 I can't deal.

00:06:28.000 There's a lot of that going on.

00:06:29.000 I'm with some trim spa.

00:06:30.000 That'll help me out.

00:06:31.000 I'm so glad I need trim spa.

00:06:34.000 I still have a bottle of trim spot. 1.00

00:06:35.000 That shit will kill you. 1.00

00:06:36.000 No, it won't. 1.00

00:06:37.000 Really?

00:06:37.000 That's not Fen-Fen, right?

00:06:38.000 No, I don't know what it is.

00:06:39.000 It's not like...

00:06:40.000 Rip fuel.

00:06:41.000 Rip fuel will kill you. 1.00

00:06:42.000 I used to do rip fuel.

00:06:44.000 In high school.

00:06:45.000 It won't kill everybody. 1.00

00:06:46.000 It only kills pussies. 1.00

00:06:48.000 But it will kill you. 1.00

00:06:49.000 If you're crazy. 0.99

00:06:50.000 I don't know why I used to do that, though. 0.83

00:06:51.000 I think it was like...

00:06:52.000 Speed?

00:06:52.000 Yeah.

00:06:53.000 Speed.

00:06:54.000 It is speed.

00:06:55.000 Just like caffeine is speed.

00:06:56.000 Caffeine is speed.

00:06:58.000 What is speed?

00:06:59.000 Speed is a nickname for things that are accelerants. 0.98

00:07:02.000 Things that fucking fire your heart rate through the roof. 1.00

00:07:05.000 That shit's terrible to do jujitsu on. 1.00

00:07:07.000 I did jujitsu on it once. 1.00

00:07:08.000 I almost had a heart attack.

00:07:09.000 Because it was like being on crank.

00:07:12.000 Your heart is already pounding too hard.

00:07:14.000 And jujitsu is all about maintaining your heart rate.

00:07:17.000 It's all about keeping a pace going and not wearing out.

00:07:21.000 If you just try to sprint real quick, then you're going to get tired, and then the guy's going to choke you.

00:07:25.000 It's all about... 1.00

00:07:26.000 And then the rip fuel is the worst for that shit. 1.00

00:07:29.000 It's terrible for your cardio. 1.00

00:07:31.000 I remember the bottle.

00:07:32.000 I can see the logo.

00:07:33.000 It's not legal, right?

00:07:34.000 They got rid of it, right?

00:07:35.000 They might have changed the formula.

00:07:36.000 Because I feel like I've seen it recently.

00:07:39.000 My point about all this alpha brain, all this supplement stuff, is anything that I'm telling you about is something that I use and I believe in.

00:07:46.000 That's it.

00:07:47.000 I don't need to do this.

00:07:48.000 I don't need to sell these things.

00:07:49.000 I'm selling these things because they're legit, because I support them, because I use them, I get the benefits from them, I believe in them, and then, after all that, we make money from them.

00:07:59.000 We make it as fair as possible.

00:08:01.000 I'm trying to rip off no one.

00:08:03.000 I want everyone to feel like they had a good interaction.

00:08:06.000 So the way it works is when you buy your first order of 30 pills, if you don't like it, you get 100% of your money back.

00:08:13.000 You don't have to send the pills back.

00:08:14.000 You don't have to send the bottle back. 0.99

00:08:16.000 You don't have to do shit. 1.00

00:08:17.000 You just say, this sucks. 1.00

00:08:17.000 Give me my money back. 1.00

00:08:19.000 That's how much we believe that you will like it and you will want to keep using it.

00:08:23.000 There's nothing better in this life than doing your best to improve your quality of thinking and the quality of thinking that you have.

00:08:33.000 When you've done your best and you're taking care of your body and you improve your quality of thinking, you make better choices.

00:08:38.000 When you make better choices and you think about things better, your life becomes better.

00:08:43.000 I think there's no more important thing In this life than maintaining a quality of thinking.

00:08:50.000 And that's what I use Alphabrain for.

00:08:52.000 And that's why I endorse it. 0.99

00:08:54.000 That's why I take three of these bitches before every podcast. 1.00

00:08:57.000 You did three? 0.99

00:08:58.000 Mm-hmm.

00:08:58.000 How many do you check?

00:08:59.000 Two.

00:09:00.000 Yeah, I take four and it gave me a jitter.

00:09:02.000 Yeah.

00:09:03.000 Well, the last one I used to take three, but then I started getting a slight headache.

00:09:09.000 Four was like I had a shaky hand when I was playing pool.

00:09:12.000 Yeah.

00:09:13.000 I just think, you know, if you were playing football or something crazy, I think four would be great.

00:09:18.000 But, you know, the thing that I've been getting into lately is the shroom tech.

00:09:23.000 The cordyceps mushrooms supplement, dude, is 100% legit.

00:09:27.000 I had way more energy than I deserved last night.

00:09:30.000 I was the last guy on the mat.

00:09:31.000 I'm never the last guy on the mat. 1.00

00:09:33.000 But I took five of those fucking things. 0.99

00:09:35.000 It says take four, but I took five. 0.99

00:09:37.000 I took five right before class.

00:09:38.000 It was awesome.

00:09:39.000 We're going to overdose.

00:09:41.000 It's just mushrooms.

00:09:42.000 It's just mushrooms and B12. And B12 you don't overdose on.

00:09:45.000 You piss it all out.

00:09:46.000 But man, it's amazing how you can affect your energy levels by nutrients.

00:09:51.000 Really amazing. 0.99

00:09:53.000 Like I said, I've eaten like shit for a few days. 0.98

00:09:55.000 And especially as I get older, I really feel it much more now than when I was 20. When I was 20, I felt like I could eat a cheeseburger and then go work out. 0.99

00:10:03.000 And it wouldn't even hardly bother me that much.

00:10:05.000 But now, every little thing has to be in order for my body to feel smelly.

00:10:12.000 Anyway, go to Onnit.com. 1.00

00:10:14.000 Check out all that shit. 0.99

00:10:16.000 Check out all the different supplements that are available. 1.00

00:10:18.000 I stand by them.

00:10:19.000 We've got kettlebells coming out.

00:10:21.000 They'll be coming out very soon.

00:10:23.000 I definitely want to get some of those.

00:10:24.000 Yeah.

00:10:25.000 I think they're already up on the website.

00:10:27.000 We're just trying to figure out the pricing and the shipping. 0.98

00:10:29.000 It's very fucking expensive to ship cannonballs. 0.97

00:10:32.000 Those are like cannonballs with handles. 0.98

00:10:34.000 That's why whatever makes it heavy should be something that you could just buy at a grocery store.

00:10:39.000 Yeah, but no one's going to do that.

00:10:40.000 I wouldn't.

00:10:42.000 What if it was something like, oh yeah, it's just a bunch of pepper.

00:10:47.000 Be the lightest kettlebell of all time.

00:10:51.000 Pepper. 1.00

00:10:51.000 That's the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard. 1.00

00:10:53.000 They have some that you fill up with water. 1.00

00:10:55.000 But again, you can't make it heavy enough.

00:10:57.000 You know, if I want a 50-pound kettlebell to train with.

00:10:59.000 I have a bowling ball bag that I bring on the road with me.

00:11:02.000 If I want to bring them on the road.

00:11:03.000 Because all I have to do is bring one.

00:11:05.000 I don't need a gym anywhere.

00:11:06.000 If I bring one 50-pound kettlebell, I got one workout that I do with a 35-pound kettlebell. 0.97

00:11:12.000 It's fucking awesome, man. 0.95

00:11:13.000 It's a brutal workout. 0.98

00:11:15.000 And it's a 35-pound kettlebell.

00:11:17.000 Yeah, I need to get them.

00:11:18.000 I always see them at Target and I always want to buy one.

00:11:20.000 I've just been using my Pekingese instead.

00:11:22.000 Dude, you know what you need to do for real?

00:11:23.000 You need to just take up something, like spinning.

00:11:27.000 I don't have time for it.

00:11:28.000 Dude, do any...

00:11:29.000 You got...

00:11:29.000 Make some time.

00:11:31.000 There's people that work full-time jobs and train for the Olympics, man.

00:11:34.000 You got time.

00:11:35.000 I'm too busy.

00:11:36.000 Son, get realistic.

00:11:38.000 If you really wanted to do something, you would join a gym.

00:11:40.000 Join a gym and go to some classes.

00:11:45.000 Go to a hardcore class where you enjoy it, somebody else is making you do it, and then it's over.

00:11:51.000 You're doing it with everybody else in the class.

00:11:53.000 It's a really easy way to get a good workout in.

00:11:56.000 Yeah.

00:11:57.000 I know a friend that's going to a yoga class, so I'm waiting until she graduates so I can be her first person.

00:12:02.000 Why don't you just go to yoga?

00:12:04.000 Because I don't want to do it in front of other people.

00:12:06.000 I want my own private yoga instructor in my bedroom or something.

00:12:09.000 You should go to yoga class and meet some chicks. 1.00

00:12:11.000 That's embarrassing. 1.00

00:12:12.000 Yoga bitches, son. 1.00

00:12:13.000 Yoga people are embarrassing. 1.00

00:12:15.000 They fart all the time. 0.95

00:12:16.000 There's too many uncomfortable moments in yoga.

00:12:19.000 Well, what's really uncomfortable is when you talk to them and they bring up like crystals and energy and that's where yoga crosses the line.

00:12:25.000 It crosses the line into fuckery when you start worshiping rocks and the energy that come off these rocks and you start, you know, sacred this and sacred that. 0.99

00:12:35.000 Unless you're fucking around and you say sacred. 0.99

00:12:38.000 You know, you have to be fucking around. 1.00

00:12:40.000 Or talking about, like, war or something like that. 0.99

00:12:43.000 That's it.

00:12:44.000 That's the end of the commercial.

00:12:45.000 Go to JoeRogan.net.

00:12:47.000 Use the code name ROGAN. Click on the link for Alphabrain.

00:12:50.000 Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself 10% off.

00:12:52.000 Alright, you dirty bitches. 1.00

00:12:56.000 Joe Rogan Podcast. 1.00

00:12:57.000 Check it out.

00:12:58.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:13:00.000 Train by day.

00:13:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.

00:13:03.000 All day.

00:13:08.000 Powerful internets.

00:13:10.000 I gotta wear this t-shirt that I got from these kids in Canada.

00:13:15.000 Blue Gorilla Radio.

00:13:18.000 It's out in the hallway.

00:13:19.000 I'll go get it.

00:13:20.000 I just did this show in Edmonton. 1.00

00:13:23.000 Man, these fucking shows... 0.99

00:13:26.000 There's many times where we're doing these shows and hanging out after these shows where I'm like... 1.00

00:13:32.000 This feels like some sort of a weird dream or something.

00:13:34.000 This doesn't seem realistic.

00:13:39.000 When you're just sitting around, and it's just you and me, and this is how this all started.

00:13:45.000 It's you and me and a laptop.

00:13:47.000 Just sitting around. 0.99

00:13:47.000 And then you think of the fucking numbers of people now that tune into this thing. 0.99

00:13:53.000 It's very surreal because to us, we're still in the same spot. 0.98

00:13:57.000 We're still doing the same thing. 0.99

00:13:59.000 We're still sitting in my fucking hoarder's office. 0.99

00:14:03.000 This is turning into hoarder's office. 1.00

00:14:05.000 This is like Don Barris' bathroom.

00:14:07.000 I gotta throw almost everything out.

00:14:11.000 A lot of it is gifts, though, from people that...

00:14:14.000 Yeah, you have a lot of cool swag here, man.

00:14:15.000 And a lot of Apple products that are unopened.

00:14:19.000 Just the big one.

00:14:20.000 What's happening over there?

00:14:21.000 You got a bag over there with an Apple something.

00:14:25.000 Some stuff in there.

00:14:27.000 It's fun here.

00:14:28.000 Well, my hard drive crashed, so I had to get a new hard drive.

00:14:30.000 Yeah.

00:14:31.000 So I had to get a new iMac. 0.99

00:14:33.000 My shit's been acting... 1.00

00:14:33.000 All my Macs have been acting really fucked up lately. 1.00

00:14:36.000 And there's two things that are really... 0.95

00:14:38.000 What?

00:14:39.000 It's a government, man.

00:14:40.000 Well, one is iPhone has a problem that no one has been talking about, I haven't seen, where the text messages are disappearing right in front of your eyes.

00:14:49.000 Like, go sit there, open it up, and suddenly the text message just disappears.

00:14:51.000 Well, I told you, you sent me a photo, and the photo vanished.

00:14:55.000 Right.

00:14:55.000 I looked down, and I saw the preview of the photo, and I said, oh.

00:14:59.000 And then I went back to my thing.

00:15:00.000 I was in the middle of playing pool, so I didn't look at it.

00:15:03.000 Right.

00:15:03.000 Then when I went back to look at it later, it was gone.

00:15:05.000 Yep. 0.99

00:15:05.000 That shit's been happening to me more and more and I don't hear anybody else talking about it. 0.99

00:15:10.000 It's the government. 1.00

00:15:10.000 The government's stealing our text messages. 1.00

00:15:12.000 Our text messages.

00:15:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:15:13.000 They're gonna find out how fucking boring we really are. 0.99

00:15:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:15:16.000 Talk a lot of shit. 1.00

00:15:17.000 Talk a lot of shit on the podcast. 1.00

00:15:19.000 Occasionally smoke pot. 1.00

00:15:20.000 Ooh.

00:15:22.000 Dangerous.

00:15:22.000 And the second thing is the flash on Safari and Chrome and everything has been really horrible lately to the point where it's been freezing up my computer until I move the cursor down to the toolbar and then for some reason I don't have to click on anything.

00:15:35.000 I just move the cursor down to the bottom and it unfreeze everything.

00:15:39.000 And it's really weird.

00:15:40.000 I don't...

00:15:41.000 It's...

00:15:42.000 Hmm.

00:15:42.000 Do you think that's a memory issue?

00:15:44.000 Is that...

00:15:44.000 No, it's the government, Joe.

00:15:45.000 The government, man.

00:15:46.000 Government's in Flash?

00:15:48.000 Yeah, government's in Flash.

00:15:49.000 What are they going to learn from Flash?

00:15:50.000 They could learn a lot from Flash, right?

00:15:51.000 Because I guess a lot of those probably pornos that are online are Flash, aren't they?

00:15:56.000 Yeah, a lot of them are still Flash.

00:15:58.000 But a lot of them have been switching over to HTML5, which seems to be a decent...

00:16:01.000 That's so you can watch them on iPads.

00:16:03.000 Yeah.

00:16:04.000 Once they realized that people were going to iPads...

00:16:06.000 Right.

00:16:07.000 It's amazing.

00:16:08.000 They should figure that out by now, right?

00:16:10.000 Yeah.

00:16:10.000 It's amazing how porn just evaporated before our eyes as far as like as an industry.

00:16:18.000 My next door neighbor's a porn guy was my next door neighbor years ago down the street.

00:16:24.000 And I think they just repossessed his house or something like that. 0.96

00:16:28.000 It's These guys were high on the hog.

00:16:34.000 I know dudes who are in the porn business who are making millions and millions of dollars.

00:16:38.000 They had incredible cars.

00:16:40.000 They had these beautiful houses.

00:16:42.000 These guys were making fuckloads of money selling DVDs.

00:16:45.000 Well, the internet just took the wheels out from under them. 0.65

00:16:49.000 Like, completely.

00:16:50.000 And that's an industry that's like, nobody talks about that.

00:16:54.000 Because there's some hidden sort of moral...

00:17:00.000 Like, judgment that you pass on porn. 1.00

00:17:03.000 It's like, fuck them. 1.00

00:17:04.000 They didn't deserve it. 1.00

00:17:05.000 They didn't deserve the money they were making.

00:17:07.000 You know, they deserved it.

00:17:08.000 They got it on the back of exploited women, and they, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:17:12.000 For whatever reason, we make a distinction.

00:17:15.000 It's legal, and it's a business, but it doesn't need to be bailed out as much as cars do. 0.97

00:17:22.000 Car companies, like, we can't lose Chevy, but if we lost vivid pictures, who gives a fuck? 0.98

00:17:27.000 But then the hypocritical aspect of it is... 0.98

00:17:30.000 This is a billion dollar industry. 0.68

00:17:34.000 Everybody's using it.

00:17:35.000 To pretend that everybody's not using it is insanity.

00:17:39.000 The amount of people that are online that are looking at porn, it's something crazy.

00:17:43.000 It's something like porn is 40% of everything online.

00:17:46.000 Something nutty like that. 1.00

00:17:47.000 I pulled that right out of my ass. 0.99

00:17:50.000 I think I might have read that, but I can't keep track of all these numbers. 1.00

00:17:54.000 You stop and think about that number. 1.00

00:17:56.000 That's a lot of goddamn people. 0.99

00:17:58.000 And everyone's pretending this industry doesn't need to be saved. 1.00

00:18:02.000 They couldn't get any respect. 0.99

00:18:04.000 If they wanted to try to get a bailout for the government because the economy went south, the government would be like, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.98

00:18:12.000 What are you going to do, man? 0.99

00:18:13.000 What are you going to do with no porn?

00:18:14.000 How are you going to get by?

00:18:15.000 I think it's like everything.

00:18:17.000 Porn is now not making money because now the access to being able to do porn is so much easier.

00:18:24.000 Radio station DJs aren't making as much money and they're failing because now podcasting has been able to reach easily.

00:18:30.000 You can do it at your own house now and have your own radio show and that's just like TV. That's like every single thing ever now because everything's now more diluted.

00:18:38.000 You're more It's more accurate to what you want to see.

00:18:41.000 I want to see a band that says two people are dead and the drummer's still alive.

00:18:46.000 It's probably out there on the internet if that's your fetish, if that's your thing, if that's your music choice.

00:18:51.000 Where before it was kind of like whatever you were pumped or whatever was available at the CD shop.

00:18:56.000 Right, right.

00:18:57.000 And whatever you were sold on the local radio station.

00:19:00.000 So money's just more scattered now. 1.00

00:19:01.000 Like porn is easier now because like me, I can now watch some girl that's a waitress in fucking Indiana, you know, put a dildo in her ass for free. 1.00

00:19:10.000 You know, I'm going to watch that. 1.00

00:19:12.000 I'm going to spend my fucking, I've never spent money on porn in my life. 1.00

00:19:14.000 Now I'm fucking spending $20 a month. 1.00

00:19:17.000 Sending it to her. 0.99

00:19:18.000 And that's what a lot of these porn websites used to charge.

00:19:21.000 $20 a month.

00:19:22.000 So you go to webcam sites? 1.00

00:19:25.000 Fucking webcam sites. 1.00

00:19:26.000 These are real people. 1.00

00:19:27.000 These are real fucking people. 1.00

00:19:29.000 She's like blue collar even in your jerking off. 1.00

00:19:31.000 You're like mid-America. 0.99

00:19:34.000 You don't even like them that hot, right? 1.00

00:19:35.000 I like normal looking fucking girls. 1.00

00:19:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:39.000 Hot, normal girls. 0.93

00:19:41.000 Six, but she's got a nice smile.

00:19:44.000 But once in a while, I'll click on the Africa checkbox on the very bottom.

00:19:48.000 On Lottie's website, you can choose what countries you want to see.

00:19:51.000 And so I'll just see a bunch of African women sitting around and going, hey! 1.00

00:19:55.000 There are a lot of lesbian African fat women, I've noticed. 1.00

00:19:59.000 Wow, they just probably get tired of dudes raping them. 1.00

00:20:02.000 They just go lesbo. 1.00

00:20:03.000 Yeah.

00:20:03.000 Wow, African.

00:20:05.000 What are they, are they jerking off with gourds or anything crazy like that? 1.00

00:20:07.000 No, they're pretty basic. 0.91

00:20:10.000 And it's funny, like, the vibrators into the different countries, how they look, like, the ones that they were using really did seem like antiques, you know, like wooden or, you know, something like that.

00:20:21.000 Then you click on Asia, and all those girls, they're either Vietnam, where they're using bamboo sticks and stuff like that, or they're actually Japanese, where they have these high-tech vibrators. 1.00

00:20:34.000 Ones you've never seen before that look like fucking dolphins with hats on. 0.98

00:20:38.000 It's crazy. 1.00

00:20:38.000 Wow. 1.00

00:20:40.000 How many different webcam shows have you watched?

00:20:43.000 Oh, I do it every night.

00:20:45.000 It's my new Twitter, man. 0.95

00:20:46.000 Every time I want to masturbate now, I go to MyFreeCams, and I have no connection with these guys. 0.78

00:20:51.000 It's my favorite. 0.99

00:20:52.000 MyFreeCams, I fucking love it. 0.96

00:20:54.000 I follow about five different people on it.

00:20:56.000 How does it go if you go to MyFreeCams?

00:20:59.000 Well, one, it's the worst design website ever, and I don't know who owns it.

00:21:04.000 If they ever listen to this, really spend the money on your website. 1.00

00:21:07.000 That shit's so fucking crazy. 1.00

00:21:09.000 But you just get this checkerboard of cameras. 1.00

00:21:13.000 And you just scroll down.

00:21:14.000 You choose what options you want.

00:21:16.000 You click on one of them.

00:21:17.000 And then it's usually free.

00:21:18.000 And what you do is just hang out in this chat room.

00:21:20.000 I'm looking at it now.

00:21:21.000 It's just a bunch of photos of girls. 1.00

00:21:24.000 Their ass is sticking out. 1.00

00:21:26.000 These can't all be real girls. 1.00

00:21:27.000 Yep, those are all.

00:21:29.000 Oh, no.

00:21:29.000 Go to, like, home or what's online right now.

00:21:34.000 What's online right now?

00:21:35.000 Just click on my free camera right now.

00:21:36.000 Okay.

00:21:38.000 That's who's online.

00:21:39.000 Yeah, these are girls that are online. 1.00

00:21:40.000 Models online.

00:21:41.000 Yeah, these are girls that are online. 1.00

00:21:42.000 And then when you...

00:21:43.000 You just go to them?

00:21:44.000 Yeah, you go to them.

00:21:45.000 And when you log in, then it shows little previews of them.

00:21:48.000 And so every time you log in, you just see a bunch of previews. 0.92

00:21:50.000 Oh, this girl's just playing with her titties. 1.00

00:21:52.000 Yeah, she's just playing with her titties. 1.00

00:21:54.000 Wow, this is bizarre. 0.96

00:21:56.000 Bizarre.

00:21:56.000 And the thing is, is you'd never have to spend money there.

00:21:59.000 You know, ever.

00:22:00.000 But...

00:22:02.000 This is so strange.

00:22:03.000 One of my, also one of my favorite things to do is, what you do is you put 20 bucks in at a time, you get kind of like points, you know?

00:22:09.000 Yeah.

00:22:09.000 And so, my favorite thing to do is you can also spy on like private shows like these girls are doing with other people, you know?

00:22:15.000 And it costs more, but you kind of jump in real quick and you're just like, what's going on in this creepy room?

00:22:21.000 Like, what's this guy making this girl do?

00:22:23.000 You know what I mean?

00:22:24.000 How can you spy on private rooms?

00:22:26.000 It will say that the show's private and then underneath it, it says, spy on private show.

00:22:31.000 What?

00:22:32.000 Yeah, so you could just sit there and... 1.00

00:22:33.000 That shit's ridiculous. 1.00

00:22:35.000 That's not private then. 1.00

00:22:36.000 Yeah, but if you know it going in, you know, you're like, all right, whatever.

00:22:39.000 Because it's a lot of money.

00:22:40.000 Like, I'll do it like 10 seconds time.

00:22:42.000 Like, right when I know I'm about to come, okay, I'll find a private show real quick.

00:22:45.000 I'm like, okay, now, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:22:47.000 And it's a little bit hotter, yeah.

00:22:50.000 But I don't understand how they can sell it as private. 0.97

00:22:53.000 They're liars.

00:22:54.000 You could be 100% private, or you could be like this mid-private. 0.93

00:22:59.000 What?

00:22:59.000 And so the mid-privates are what most people do, because if it's 100% private, it costs more for the person to do the private show.

00:23:05.000 Oh, okay.

00:23:05.000 So you can't...

00:23:06.000 So there's some...

00:23:07.000 People want to get really freaky, they're going to go 100% private.

00:23:10.000 100% private.

00:23:11.000 Or just go online.

00:23:12.000 Yeah.

00:23:13.000 Take advantage of your area.

00:23:15.000 He probably doesn't get few. 1.00

00:23:16.000 I'll jerk off to a couple of those girls. 1.00

00:23:18.000 Old ladies? 1.00

00:23:18.000 Yeah, just because you don't see it every day. 1.00

00:23:20.000 It's like looking at a girl's ankle in the 1700s.

00:23:22.000 You don't see it. 0.99

00:23:24.000 There's old ladies or there's really old black fat ladies. 1.00

00:23:28.000 That kind of turns me on once in a while. 0.98

00:23:31.000 It's because you don't see that. 0.98

00:23:32.000 You don't masturbate to that every day. 1.00

00:23:33.000 Some of these bitches are just, they just sit there and do nothing. 1.00

00:23:39.000 Those big giant tetars. 0.99

00:23:41.000 Yeah, but that's what's cool is when you create an account, you can see it refreshes all these avatars.

00:23:46.000 You can see who's doing what.

00:23:48.000 Like, you're like, oh, I'm clicking on the girl with the dildo in her eyes. 0.95

00:23:50.000 She muted everybody.

00:23:51.000 Yeah.

00:23:52.000 How dare she?

00:23:53.000 Yeah, because that's the way you have to create an account because you can't chat until you actually put some tokens in your account.

00:23:58.000 Yeah, I'm not doing any chatting.

00:24:00.000 Well, just trust me, you will.

00:24:02.000 When you chat, what do you talk to these girls about? 1.00

00:24:04.000 I usually just say, I want to take you to Olive Garden and things like that.

00:24:08.000 And it makes them laugh every time.

00:24:10.000 They're like, you want to take me to Olive Garden?

00:24:12.000 They all love the Olive Garden.

00:24:13.000 Well, one of these days you're going to be doing this to a girl who knows the show. 0.99

00:24:16.000 Oh, it's already happened.

00:24:18.000 Dude, dude.

00:24:18.000 You tell her who you are?

00:24:19.000 Because I've talked about this website before. 0.97

00:24:21.000 I'll say like Olive Garden and people would be like, that's God for Life bitches and stuff like that. 1.00

00:24:25.000 Oh shit, that's hilarious. 1.00

00:24:26.000 Dude, a lot of our listeners are already on this shit. 1.00

00:24:28.000 There's a lot of these girls that are really hot. 1.00

00:24:30.000 I can't believe this.

00:24:31.000 This is so crazy.

00:24:32.000 It's like peering into this world of hot girls that are taking off their clothes and they're just sitting around here. 1.00

00:24:39.000 The window's really small, though.

00:24:41.000 Does it expand?

00:24:42.000 Oh, you expand it.

00:24:43.000 There's those five dots on the right side of the webcam.

00:24:45.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

00:24:45.000 You just drag that shit. 1.00

00:24:47.000 Do whatever you want. 1.00

00:24:48.000 Do some screen camera.

00:24:49.000 No, never mind.

00:24:50.000 Wow.

00:24:51.000 Screen camera.

00:24:52.000 Oh, that's right.

00:24:52.000 Don't say that.

00:24:54.000 Because then they know.

00:24:55.000 Then they'll fix it.

00:24:56.000 Aw, sweetie, why are you smoking?

00:24:58.000 That bums me out.

00:24:59.000 A lot of marijuana use.

00:25:01.000 Marijuana use doesn't bum me out, man.

00:25:03.000 But when I see a chick with a cigarette, I'm like, sweet. 0.99

00:25:05.000 There's this black girl, I wish I could remember her name on it, and she never really shows her face too much, but she has a hot body, and she always has this huge fucking dildo just suction cupped onto the coffee table, and the camera's always just her butt just teasing it, like she's just gonna take the whole thing, but she talks like... 1.00

00:25:24.000 Oh my god, I'm such a bad little girl, daddy. 0.99

00:25:28.000 Do you want to take this, daddy?

00:25:30.000 And it's like the creepiest thing.

00:25:31.000 Do you know how they have those previews?

00:25:34.000 Like if you click on some porn sites, they have like a preview.

00:25:37.000 You have to watch their commercial for their cam site before they show you their actual porn.

00:25:42.000 Yeah.

00:25:42.000 They had, you know, you get different ones every time.

00:25:45.000 I don't know who is editing these fucking things, but one of them was this chick. 1.00

00:25:50.000 She was at least, like, I would say 35, 40 pounds overweight. 1.00

00:25:55.000 She was black as coal, and the bottom of her feet were in front of the camera. 1.00

00:26:00.000 So the bottom of her feet, which were really pink, It was like an odd pink. 1.00

00:26:04.000 And her feet are like bucking in front of the camera while she is fucking the shit out of her black, black pussy with this dildo. 1.00

00:26:13.000 It could not have been a least sexual thing. 1.00

00:26:16.000 It was like grunting and shit. 1.00

00:26:20.000 I guess it was sexual if that's what you're into. 1.00

00:26:22.000 But for me, it was like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:26:25.000 I would put my boner away. 1.00

00:26:27.000 You made me watch that for a minute?

00:26:29.000 Yeah.

00:26:29.000 It's like, what are you trying to do?

00:26:31.000 Who's looking at that and going, yeah, she'll fuck me. 1.00

00:26:34.000 There's certain girls where you go, she'll fuck you. 1.00

00:26:37.000 You look at the guys they fuck on film and the things that people do to them. 1.00

00:26:41.000 Girls that drink a glass of cum or guys pull their lids open and shoot loads in their eyes. 1.00

00:26:47.000 That girl will fuck you. 1.00

00:26:48.000 That poor kid doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. 1.00

00:26:51.000 She's a little fuck zombie. 1.00

00:26:53.000 On my free cam, just try to search for this name, Apple Bottom Teen. 1.00

00:26:57.000 That's the black chick, and if she's online, just turn up your speakers and fucking sit back and enjoy life. 1.00

00:27:04.000 I can't watch this and do a show at the same time. 1.00

00:27:07.000 It'd be too distracting. 0.90

00:27:08.000 Do you want a blanket for your boner, dude?

00:27:10.000 Here.

00:27:14.000 Joe's been sitting here watching the stream. 0.64

00:27:16.000 What if your jacket makes my boner bigger?

00:27:18.000 Hey, I've been sitting on it and it's warm.

00:27:19.000 It might feel good.

00:27:20.000 Oh, I bet it would.

00:27:24.000 So, what is the profit?

00:27:26.000 How do they make profit from this site?

00:27:29.000 The girls get a fraction of whatever money is donated to them. 0.99

00:27:32.000 And I don't think it's very good.

00:27:34.000 I'm sure there's other websites that are a lot better, like MyFreeCamps that does not pay the girls as good as a lot of the other websites.

00:27:40.000 Oh, really? 1.00

00:27:40.000 Wow, this bitch's name is FuckMeHard. 1.00

00:27:43.000 Really? 1.00

00:27:44.000 Yeah.

00:27:44.000 If you find Apple Bottom Team, dude, you're going to love it.

00:27:47.000 Some bitches just leave their camera and leave the room. 1.00

00:27:50.000 That shit is rude. 1.00

00:27:52.000 Oh, there's a lot of that, too. 1.00

00:27:54.000 Fuck me hard. 1.00

00:27:55.000 How dare you fuck me hard, 69? 1.00

00:27:57.000 You just need to see in your fucking computer desk. 1.00

00:27:59.000 How dare you? 1.00

00:28:01.000 They just get lazy.

00:28:03.000 They probably live their whole day in front of the webcam just trying to collect money.

00:28:07.000 Wow, what a weird way for chicks to get attention. 1.00

00:28:10.000 And some of them really fucking love it, I bet. 0.97

00:28:14.000 They love that every time they log on, there's thousands of guys waiting to beat off to them. 0.97

00:28:18.000 You know?

00:28:19.000 That's got to be kind of a trip. 0.99

00:28:22.000 And I bet if a lot of chicks have shit jobs and they start doing this and raking in the cash... 1.00

00:28:26.000 That's what I'm saying. 0.99

00:28:27.000 You know how...

00:28:28.000 I mean, just like doing podcasting from your house.

00:28:31.000 How easy is it that you can just now have a job that you can do from your house?

00:28:34.000 And that's what these girls are doing. 1.00

00:28:36.000 They're like, why do I want to be a waitress at Chili's when I can fucking make twice as much at home just fucking showing my butthole? 1.00

00:28:42.000 Yeah, isn't it? 1.00

00:28:43.000 What a crazy roll of the dice it is for a girl to be born hot. 1.00

00:28:46.000 Such a powerful fucking roll of the dice. 0.99

00:28:49.000 Because it's really all you need for a lot of these girls. 0.99

00:28:52.000 I mean, all they need is just to have the right bone structure and the right dimensions and the right look and boom, everybody.

00:29:02.000 I mean, it's just like hitting the lottery. 0.92

00:29:05.000 I guess it sort of is for a dude too, but a dude's still gotta go out and fucking make something happen. 0.99

00:29:12.000 You can't be a loser and look like that. 0.99

00:29:13.000 There's no losers that look like... 0.99

00:29:16.000 What's her name?

00:29:18.000 Christy Canyon. 0.98

00:29:19.000 Remember that porn star? 1.00

00:29:21.000 There's no losers that look like that. 1.00

00:29:22.000 Even though she was a porn star. 1.00

00:29:24.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.98

00:29:25.000 Right.

00:29:25.000 But she was so hot.

00:29:27.000 She was the best example I could put out. 1.00

00:29:29.000 What the fuck is her name? 1.00

00:29:33.000 Oh, Cindy Crawford. 1.00

00:29:35.000 It's impossible to be a loser if you look like Cindy Crawford. 0.99

00:29:38.000 You really can't be a loser. 0.99

00:29:39.000 She's just too hot. 1.00

00:29:40.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:29:42.000 You could be a guy and you could be the male equivalent to Cindy Crawford, bone structure-wise, handsome-wise, and still wind up fucking broken alone. 0.99

00:29:52.000 Easily. 0.99

00:29:53.000 You know? 0.71

00:29:54.000 You're not going to be a loser if you look that good.

00:29:57.000 She's just too hot. 1.00

00:29:59.000 This society values it so much, somehow or another some wealthy man will find his way into her life and marry her away. 0.52

00:30:05.000 But for a dude? 1.00

00:30:07.000 Shit. 1.00

00:30:08.000 Shit. 1.00

00:30:08.000 You know, it's not worth as much. 1.00

00:30:11.000 It's not as much of a roll of the dice for a guy to be born good looking.

00:30:15.000 For a girl, if that's all you're trying to get done in this life, not saying that that's all every woman's trying to get done, ladies. 1.00

00:30:22.000 Don't get crazy.

00:30:24.000 Don't get angry at me.

00:30:26.000 That's not what I'm saying.

00:30:27.000 If that's all you're capable of, that's not what I'm saying. 0.98

00:30:30.000 But I'm saying, it's a fucking big deal. 0.98

00:30:32.000 It's a big deal to be hot. 0.98

00:30:34.000 Yeah, but you know, a lot of these girls in these rooms are not even hot at all, but that even makes it hotter because this girl looks like somebody that would never do this and she's doing it. 1.00

00:30:44.000 That's hot. 1.00

00:30:45.000 I love this shit, man. 1.00

00:30:47.000 I've never been more addicted to porn ever in my life, even when I was 18. How long did this start off? 1.00

00:30:53.000 When did this start happening?

00:30:54.000 I don't know, man.

00:30:55.000 I think I've always, like, Anthony, from Opie and Anthony, there used to be this website that I used to be addicted to that he's always talking about.

00:31:05.000 I forget the name of it.

00:31:06.000 It was a webcam website.

00:31:07.000 PalTalk.

00:31:08.000 PalTalk. 0.97

00:31:09.000 I used to pay for a membership for PalTalk, and one of the best things is while the show used to go on, these girls that were fans of Opie and Anthony would just be sitting there shoving vibrators in their butt, and all of us would be watching. 1.00

00:31:20.000 Even while they're doing a radio show, everyone would be watching that shit also. 0.97

00:31:25.000 Didn't you show me that once at the tattoo place? 0.99

00:31:28.000 Yeah, you were showing me.

00:31:29.000 We were at the tattoo place.

00:31:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:31:31.000 I broadcasted when you were getting your tattoo.

00:31:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:31:35.000 And PalTalk.

00:31:36.000 On PalTalk.

00:31:36.000 And then you were showing me, look at this girl.

00:31:37.000 What the fuck is she doing? 1.00

00:31:38.000 Just regular girls, finger-banging themselves. 1.00

00:31:44.000 The girl had two fingers in her butthole. 1.00

00:31:47.000 And you're like, whoa! 1.00

00:31:49.000 Jesus!

00:31:50.000 That was one of our first broadcasts, you know, doing that and doing green rooms.

00:31:55.000 But I remember sitting there just with my laptop just pointing at you. 0.99

00:31:59.000 How many texts a day do you get to say, death squad, bitches? 1.00

00:32:01.000 Twitters? 1.00

00:32:02.000 Twitters.

00:32:03.000 Yeah.

00:32:04.000 I said texts.

00:32:05.000 I meant, yeah, Twitters, Facebook messages.

00:32:07.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:32:07.000 It's funny how that all came out of some fucking silly meeting at the Opie and Anthony show. 0.98

00:32:14.000 A dumb thing to name yourselves. 1.00

00:32:16.000 Death Squad. 1.00

00:32:17.000 But because somebody else named us, we're allowed to keep it.

00:32:20.000 Have you heard the band, Death Squad?

00:32:22.000 There's a couple bands called Death Squad.

00:32:25.000 Really?

00:32:25.000 There's a song called Red Band, which is actually pretty good to listen to.

00:32:31.000 B-A-N or B-A-N-D? R-A-D-B-A-N. I think it's either the artist's name Red Band or the song is called Red Band.

00:32:38.000 It's from Medina or something.

00:32:39.000 What year did it come out?

00:32:41.000 A year ago, two years ago.

00:32:43.000 I wonder if he's a fan.

00:32:46.000 I don't know.

00:32:46.000 Podcast fan.

00:32:47.000 Maybe he likes you.

00:32:49.000 It's weird.

00:32:50.000 Do you ever want to sing again?

00:32:53.000 Because you had that hit song.

00:32:56.000 I think somebody should dubstep that song.

00:32:59.000 I really did have a song.

00:33:01.000 It was only a hit in one town, though.

00:33:03.000 Tempe?

00:33:04.000 Phoenix, yeah.

00:33:05.000 Tempe in Phoenix, Arizona.

00:33:06.000 For whatever reason, there was these guys, Tim and Mark? 1.00

00:33:10.000 Shit. 0.99

00:33:11.000 Why is it always so hard to remember? 1.00

00:33:14.000 I'm pretty sure it's Tim and Mark.

00:33:18.000 Three.

00:33:19.000 They were great guys.

00:33:20.000 And they had a radio station down there.

00:33:23.000 And they played it.

00:33:25.000 And they were one of the few people that ever played it.

00:33:27.000 And for whatever reason, it took off in one town.

00:33:31.000 I sold way more records in Phoenix than I did anywhere else.

00:33:34.000 It became one of the reasons why I filmed my 2005 special in Phoenix.

00:33:39.000 Because I just had a bigger draw there than almost anywhere.

00:33:42.000 It was real weird.

00:33:43.000 And when I started doing stand-up, people were like, do the song. 0.99

00:33:46.000 I can't fucking sing. 0.97

00:33:47.000 I only did that song because it was broken up into choruses. 0.99

00:33:54.000 We could splice it all together.

00:33:55.000 It was all done on a computer with...

00:34:00.000 What is it called?

00:34:01.000 It's Pro Tools.

00:34:02.000 You know how they do it and move everything around?

00:34:04.000 So it was like, if I just did it by myself, then I'd have to practice and actually start singing it.

00:34:10.000 I just want to do it for fun.

00:34:12.000 And the idea was Warner Brothers' executive idea.

00:34:15.000 His idea was if I came up with a song, then they could play something on the radio and it would help sell the CD. So the song was about voodoo pussy. 1.00

00:34:24.000 The song was called Voodoo Poonanny. 0.99

00:34:26.000 You can probably find it.

00:34:28.000 It's probably not even on iTunes.

00:34:29.000 Because I don't think that CD is on iTunes.

00:34:32.000 I'm gonna get it put on iTunes.

00:34:33.000 It's my first CD from 1999. Warner Brothers was bought out by Disney in the middle of my time there.

00:34:42.000 Warner Brothers Records.

00:34:43.000 Yeah, Warner Brothers Records.

00:34:45.000 I think it was Disney. 1.00

00:34:46.000 They went like super family values and my CD was dirty as fuck. 1.00

00:34:51.000 My CD started out with two guys fucking each other in the basement. 0.99

00:34:54.000 One of the most amazing, I'm sure everyone's heard it, but it was one of the most amazing skits ever.

00:34:58.000 It's one of my favorite things I've ever done because I knew that I could never do it anywhere else. 0.66

00:35:03.000 I was like, I want to write something that's so fucked up And it can't be on stage. 0.89

00:35:09.000 I can't do it on stage because I'd act it out. 0.98

00:35:11.000 It wouldn't be as funny.

00:35:12.000 You want to do it visually?

00:35:14.000 No, I don't want to actually see it.

00:35:16.000 It's better to actually just hear this. 0.93

00:35:19.000 And what it is is these two guys who are gay, but they try to pretend that they're not gay. 0.97

00:35:24.000 They just really like lifting weights. 1.00

00:35:26.000 And it always winds up them fucking each other. 1.00

00:35:29.000 And always like, you got a fucking great ass. 1.00

00:35:31.000 It's round and muscular. 1.00

00:35:33.000 Really?

00:35:34.000 Yeah.

00:35:35.000 Dude, I bet. 1.00

00:35:36.000 I don't even think I can get my cock in your ass. 1.00

00:35:39.000 Aw, come on! 1.00

00:35:40.000 And it became, you know, just this thing.

00:35:43.000 You know, me and Brian Callen did it.

00:35:46.000 Brian Callen's other voice in it.

00:35:48.000 And, um... 0.99

00:35:50.000 The fuck is her name? 1.00

00:35:51.000 God damn it. 1.00

00:35:52.000 Kelly Kirsten. 0.99

00:35:53.000 Kelly Kirsten, yes.

00:35:54.000 Kelly Kirsten.

00:35:55.000 For real.

00:35:55.000 I know.

00:35:56.000 Yeah.

00:35:57.000 But you'd say that name all the time.

00:35:59.000 Kelly Kirsten.

00:36:00.000 But you'd say it as Joey Diaz.

00:36:01.000 Yeah, that was like an Olive Garden between me and Joey Diaz.

00:36:03.000 Yeah, Kelly played my mom. 0.94

00:36:05.000 Our mom.

00:36:06.000 Mine and Brian's mom.

00:36:08.000 That's so funny.

00:36:10.000 And Ginger Lynn introduced Voodoo Panani on the CD. And I got to do a thing with her the other day.

00:36:19.000 I did Dave's Old Porn with her. 0.96

00:36:21.000 Dave's Old Porn is... 0.99

00:36:22.000 First of all, Dave Attell is so fucking funny, man. 0.98

00:36:26.000 He's just one of those guys that's like... 0.96

00:36:27.000 And he works hard, man. 0.99

00:36:29.000 In between takes, they got notes and notebooks and shit. 0.98

00:36:32.000 And they're going over scenes. 0.94

00:36:33.000 And what's a good scene?

00:36:35.000 And what about this and that?

00:36:36.000 And...

00:36:37.000 And then you sit there and you watch these porns and then you do like Mystery Science Theater.

00:36:44.000 Remember that show? 0.67

00:36:45.000 You've seen Dave's old porn. 0.99

00:36:46.000 For those who haven't seen it, you're sitting on a couch with Dave and you're just kind of clowning on porn. 0.91

00:36:51.000 And you realize the difference between porn then and now. 0.90

00:36:56.000 So much more hair.

00:36:58.000 So much more hair.

00:36:59.000 So much more hair and it was like they were all sexy. 0.87

00:37:04.000 The real boob look back then was one of my favorite things, because they all had really nice, big, natural boobs. 1.00

00:37:11.000 Or small natural boobs. 0.99

00:37:13.000 They all kind of hung a little. 0.92

00:37:14.000 It was nice. 0.96

00:37:17.000 Ginger Lynn had small boobs, but they were really nice. 1.00

00:37:20.000 They weren't small. 0.96

00:37:21.000 I would say gingers were more medium than small, but yeah.

00:37:25.000 And it seems like bigger areolas were more popular back then.

00:37:28.000 Or lately, maybe girls' areolas have been shrinking for some reason. 1.00

00:37:31.000 Maybe it's nature.

00:37:32.000 Cell phones.

00:37:33.000 Could be.

00:37:34.000 Radiation that kills the bees.

00:37:37.000 It's just strange watching.

00:37:39.000 We were talking about whether or not society has changed or whether or not people have just got more access to it now. 0.99

00:37:48.000 We see it more because of Twitter, but people have always been fucked up. 0.99

00:37:50.000 And I say that porn is probably the best evidence that society's gotten more fucked up. 0.99

00:37:55.000 Because there was very little dark porn back then. 0.99

00:37:59.000 There wasn't even any slapping. 0.99

00:38:02.000 There was no dick slapping. 0.99

00:38:03.000 And there was no pulling in the hair and shooting loads up their nose and stuff like that. 1.00

00:38:09.000 They do mean, angry shit now. 0.99

00:38:13.000 And there's something hot about slobber all over your face and streaked mascara. 1.00

00:38:21.000 Asa Akira, man, her latest DVD is one of my favorites.

00:38:25.000 I forget the guy.

00:38:26.000 I think his name's Rocco or something like that. 1.00

00:38:28.000 Fucking just fucking manhandling, like dragging her by the hair. 1.00

00:38:32.000 Whoa. 1.00

00:38:32.000 She's just gagging. 1.00

00:38:34.000 He's just fucking... 1.00

00:38:35.000 Oh, Nacho something. 1.00

00:38:36.000 Nacho, yeah, Nacho.

00:38:37.000 That dude's awesome. 1.00

00:38:39.000 I like the way he fucks. 0.99

00:38:40.000 I don't think I have any... 0.99

00:38:42.000 I don't give a shit about porn guys much. 0.97

00:38:44.000 I don't ever look out for one, but that... 0.98

00:38:47.000 Every time I see him in a movie, he's cool.

00:38:51.000 He's a cool actor.

00:38:52.000 He seems to be very violent with the girls.

00:38:54.000 He's great.

00:38:55.000 Dragging around by their hair doesn't seem to be a nice thing to do. 1.00

00:38:58.000 Somebody that you want to fuck. 1.00

00:38:59.000 Do you think some girls like that? 1.00

00:39:01.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:39:02.000 I never thought so, but yeah. 1.00

00:39:04.000 Wow.

00:39:05.000 They definitely do.

00:39:05.000 I know girls like being choked.

00:39:07.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:39:09.000 Veronica was going to need to slap me, or slap her. 1.00

00:39:12.000 Yeah? 1.00

00:39:12.000 She always was like, slap me in the face! 1.00

00:39:13.000 I'm like, no! 1.00

00:39:14.000 Whoa, don't say that, because then you put it online, you fucking... 1.00

00:39:16.000 She does bondage videos. 1.00

00:39:19.000 Yeah, that's dark, dude. 0.83

00:39:21.000 You don't want me to slap you.

00:39:22.000 I would be like... 1.00

00:39:23.000 I don't want to connect me beating the fuck out of you with something that's sexual. 0.99

00:39:27.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:39:28.000 That just seems like a bad idea. 1.00

00:39:30.000 I had a girl that wanted to rape me. 1.00

00:39:31.000 She wanted me to rape her, rather. 1.00

00:39:33.000 Okay. 1.00

00:39:34.000 She would tell me. 1.00

00:39:35.000 She would want to rape me too, but she would actually tell me that she wants me to rape her. 1.00

00:39:39.000 She wants to fight me off. 1.00

00:39:41.000 I'm like, come on.

00:39:42.000 That's not something you want to connect with sexuality with a dude.

00:39:46.000 My sister always wanted me to do that.

00:39:48.000 What?

00:39:49.000 Jesus, Brian.

00:39:51.000 Don't you think that...

00:39:52.000 Wouldn't that be awful? 1.00

00:39:54.000 Comper and rape me. 1.00

00:39:56.000 No! 1.00

00:39:56.000 That's a taboo subject because rape itself obviously is a deplorable act. 1.00

00:40:02.000 But the fact remains that there are girls that get turned on by that deplorable act. 1.00

00:40:07.000 There's girls that have these fantasies of finding themselves in the wrong place and the wrong time and a fucking pack of wild thugs come out with 14-inch cocks and just force her to suck their dicks while one guy bangs her from behind. 1.00

00:40:21.000 There's girls who have fantasies. 1.00

00:40:23.000 Like, they're really scared, but they would really be excited.

00:40:26.000 And they probably finger themselves thinking about that.

00:40:28.000 And, you know, they don't ever risk their actual physical well-being in life by putting themselves in a situation where that could happen.

00:40:34.000 But the fact is, they could do that at any time.

00:40:38.000 Girls can just drive around to a group of guys at any time and get out and go, hey, boys, what's going on? 0.68

00:40:44.000 Let's not talk about this.

00:40:45.000 And the guys will be like, hey, what's up?

00:40:47.000 Come on over here. 1.00

00:40:48.000 You want to suck my cock? 1.00

00:40:50.000 Yeah, I'd love to. 1.00

00:40:52.000 It's not hard for a girl to find a cock to suck. 1.00

00:40:54.000 We shouldn't talk about it. 1.00

00:40:55.000 Once they figure that shit out... 0.99

00:40:57.000 What do you mean once they figure it out? 1.00

00:40:58.000 They're just gonna wander around your dick? 1.00

00:40:59.000 You don't think they know it already? 1.00

00:41:01.000 Please, dude.

00:41:02.000 Girls know it already. 1.00

00:41:03.000 You don't think they know it already?

00:41:05.000 They know it.

00:41:05.000 Of course.

00:41:06.000 They have massive knowledge of their power.

00:41:09.000 Women have power like a superhero. 1.00

00:41:11.000 A hot girl in a bikini or a hot girl in a miniskirt walking through a mall.

00:41:17.000 Every guy stops and you just immediately go, oh, there is one.

00:41:22.000 Why? 0.90

00:41:23.000 Because you know that if you were alone naked with her and she was blowing you, it would be outstanding. 1.00

00:41:29.000 It would be such a great feeling to have that beautiful face sucking your cock. 1.00

00:41:34.000 75% chance, right? 1.00

00:41:36.000 75% chance that that girl does not give a good blowjob. 1.00

00:41:41.000 No, that's not true at all. 1.00

00:41:43.000 I think more girls suck at blowjobs than are good at it. 1.00

00:41:49.000 You're dating the wrong girls, son. 1.00

00:41:51.000 It's very rare that you find a bad blowjob. 1.00

00:41:53.000 It's hard to find a bad blowjob. 0.98

00:41:54.000 If a girl's enthusiastic, just like if you're enthusiastic about her, if you're both turned on, she's going to give you a good head. 1.00

00:42:03.000 Like, you're gonna eat her pussy good. 1.00

00:42:04.000 Like, when you eat a girl's pussy, aren't you trying to, like... 1.00

00:42:07.000 You want her to feel as good as you can make her feel. 1.00

00:42:10.000 That is the 100% goal.

00:42:12.000 That's a woman's goal, too, when she's blowing you. 1.00

00:42:15.000 You just...

00:42:15.000 No, but I think maybe I'm more sensitive to teeth or something.

00:42:19.000 Maybe just getting some lazy bitches that are chewing on your dick. 1.00

00:42:24.000 That would suck. 1.00

00:42:25.000 Have you ever had a girl do that, though? 0.99

00:42:27.000 Bite it?

00:42:28.000 Yeah.

00:42:28.000 No.

00:42:29.000 Not, like, mad at me or anything.

00:42:30.000 No.

00:42:31.000 Yeah.

00:42:31.000 I always feel like, you know, especially back in the day when you did a lot of drugs and stuff, I always thought these girls were just gonna snap out of it and forget what they're doing and start biting it.

00:42:40.000 A masculine flashback and chomp down on your ball bag. 0.97

00:42:45.000 Some guy recently got bit on the balls by, I think it was a cop got bit on the balls by a convict. 1.00

00:42:54.000 Guy wouldn't let go of his balls either. 0.99

00:42:56.000 He was biting them through the pants like they had the guy let go. 1.00

00:43:00.000 Think of that, man.

00:43:02.000 Think of that. 1.00

00:43:03.000 Shit's happening, man. 1.00

00:43:04.000 Ouchie. 1.00

00:43:05.000 Bath salts.

00:43:06.000 We're all going to be bitten the ball soon.

00:43:08.000 Yeah, there's other people that have done bath salts that say it's no big deal. 0.99

00:43:11.000 I have a feeling that bath salts are a bunch of different fucking things. 0.96

00:43:14.000 Or it's just how your body reacts to bath salts, just like any other drug, you know? 1.00

00:43:18.000 It's just like, fucking, you have somebody that's borderline schizo and they fucking smoke weed, that person becomes fucking psychotic. 1.00

00:43:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:43:26.000 That's a real good point.

00:43:27.000 It's so true. 0.84

00:43:28.000 People say, hey man, should I do mushrooms?

00:43:31.000 I don't know you. 1.00

00:43:32.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:43:32.000 Are you crazy? 1.00

00:43:33.000 I would never tell anybody to do anything. 0.96

00:43:35.000 Although I tell everybody they should do mushrooms.

00:43:39.000 But when I say everybody, I don't mean everybody. 0.99

00:43:42.000 I just mean everybody that's not fucked up. 0.95

00:43:45.000 If you're barely holding on to reality, I don't recommend psychedelic drugs. 0.53

00:43:49.000 I don't recommend alcohol for sure. 0.99

00:43:51.000 I don't recommend anything but get your shit together. 1.00

00:43:54.000 Go to a doctor. 1.00

00:43:56.000 Find out what's wrong.

00:43:57.000 Whatever.

00:43:57.000 Whatever you gotta do.

00:43:58.000 Get your shit together. 0.99

00:43:59.000 That's more important than psychedelics. 1.00

00:44:03.000 Dude, that fucking cat helicopter shit that everyone's been fucking flooding the tweets with. 1.00

00:44:07.000 If you haven't heard about it, explain it to all the folks at home. 1.00

00:44:10.000 Somebody's...

00:44:10.000 Cat died and to remember him he liked to make helicopters or something like that and so he turned his cat into a helicopter.

00:44:19.000 He stuffed it and it made like his paws like spread out kind of like you know that's like doing a snowman in the snow and each one of them had like a helicopter fan on it and then so he sits there and flies this dead cat around and at first I watched it and I was horrified and then I was like This is the coolest thing in the whole entire world.

00:44:38.000 I hope this catches on, because I could just imagine a bunch of cats, helicopters flying in the sky, and that would be cool if it became popular.

00:44:45.000 Al-Qaeda's going to attack.

00:44:47.000 Yeah.

00:44:47.000 But if there was cats everywhere in the sky at all times, it could be going down sunset, and everyone had their old dead cats.

00:44:53.000 That'd be cool.

00:44:54.000 There'd be tons of cats everywhere. 0.98

00:44:55.000 This really is crazy. 0.99

00:44:57.000 But then I was thinking, what if it crashes, and then its fucking nose falls off because it hits concrete or something? 0.99

00:45:03.000 That would be disturbing. 0.99

00:45:04.000 So now I think it's creepy.

00:45:06.000 Well, you just gotta need to put a helmet on him. 0.99

00:45:08.000 Yeah, but then you can't see his little fucking cat face. 0.99

00:45:10.000 That's the funniest face ever. 0.99

00:45:11.000 You put a large plexiglass dome over his head like he's a space cat.

00:45:17.000 Even better.

00:45:18.000 So now he's wearing a space suit.

00:45:20.000 His head is...

00:45:22.000 That's actually pretty cool.

00:45:23.000 That's actually awesome. 0.98

00:45:24.000 Or actually get the clear film companies that do the iPad clear films to make a clear armor, like have an armor for your cat where it's just some kind of crystallized shit. 0.97

00:45:33.000 That's awesome. 0.94

00:45:34.000 That is awesome.

00:45:36.000 Did you hear that there's another drone attack that killed some top Al-Qaeda guy?

00:45:42.000 Yeah, wasn't it Persian?

00:45:43.000 Was it Persian?

00:45:44.000 Or was it Siamese cat?

00:45:49.000 Can you imagine if the army starts really using cat weapons?

00:45:53.000 That'd be awesome. 0.51

00:45:54.000 Can you imagine if there was a country where they used flying pigs because Muslims would be terrified of pigs flying through the air? 0.94

00:46:03.000 Only if you go to war with India. 0.98

00:46:07.000 Yeah, they killed some dude in Pakistan.

00:46:10.000 That's what it is. 1.00

00:46:10.000 That's kind of fucked up, man, that we're not really in Pakistan, but Pakistan is the place where we try out all of our newest shit. 1.00

00:46:17.000 Right. 0.99

00:46:17.000 Why is that? 0.99

00:46:18.000 Because we can get away with it.

00:46:19.000 We must have some sort of a weird deal with the government, or the government won't say anything.

00:46:24.000 We're sending spaceships into their air.

00:46:27.000 I mean, we're sending some science fiction things that we're controlling from halfway around the world with a remote control, and they're launching missiles.

00:46:36.000 I mean, it's really crazy that they're allowed to do that. 0.99

00:46:39.000 Look, I'm 100% in support in getting rid of bad guys and taking all the terrorists out and all that happy horse shit, the legit terrorists. 0.99

00:46:47.000 But this is a crazy little precedent to set that you're allowing spaceships to fly around and launch missiles. 1.00

00:46:55.000 Hellfire, bunker buster fucking missiles at these people. 0.99

00:46:59.000 They're called hellfire. 1.00

00:47:01.000 They're allowed to spray rockets from the sky and blow you out of the road.

00:47:08.000 You're just wandering along.

00:47:09.000 You don't even know they're there. 1.00

00:47:11.000 They're like a mile away and a rocket comes and fucking you disappear. 1.00

00:47:15.000 That's amazing. 1.00

00:47:16.000 Yeah.

00:47:16.000 It's amazing that that's how we're doing war right now in Pakistan.

00:47:19.000 The peak of the technological war right now is going on right there, and very few people are even aware of it.

00:47:25.000 You just hear, drone attack.

00:47:28.000 That's what you hear on the radio, or drone attack on CNN. But you don't really stop and think about what the fuck that means. 0.99

00:47:36.000 There's a remote-controlled flying object that launches missiles at people, and they're watching a camera through it, We're halfway around the world, pressing buttons and launching these things. 0.97

00:47:47.000 It's incredible.

00:47:48.000 The technology is just, it's amazing what they can do now. 0.99

00:47:52.000 Then that one that crashed in Iran, there was another moment where life feels like a fake movie, where they fucking captured our shit and Obama goes to the news and talks about it. 0.99

00:48:03.000 Well, we've asked for it back. 0.99

00:48:05.000 That's what he said.

00:48:06.000 We've asked for it back.

00:48:08.000 Hey, you know that thing that we were flying around and we might have just shot rockets at you from the sky?

00:48:13.000 Yeah, can you give that to us so we can do that again?

00:48:17.000 That's weird.

00:48:19.000 They asked for it back. 0.99

00:48:21.000 Could you imagine if Iran had some shit flying around over here taking pictures of us? 0.99

00:48:26.000 Something that's got the capability of shooting missiles? 1.00

00:48:28.000 That's crazy.

00:48:29.000 But it didn't have any missiles on it though, right?

00:48:32.000 No, that one didn't.

00:48:33.000 I can see that.

00:48:34.000 I wonder how far they can go.

00:48:36.000 I wonder how far they can fly.

00:48:38.000 Super far, probably.

00:48:38.000 I bet some of them are solar-powered, right?

00:48:40.000 Probably.

00:48:41.000 They must have at least something solar.

00:48:43.000 Have you seen that Fisker, the new solar-powered automobile?

00:48:47.000 It's not solar-powered.

00:48:50.000 It's only partially solar-powered.

00:48:51.000 The stereo and things along those lines.

00:48:55.000 The roof is a series of solar panels.

00:48:58.000 Yes, I have seen that. 0.99

00:48:59.000 It's a fucking beautiful car, man. 1.00

00:49:01.000 Take a look at my mind. 1.00

00:49:03.000 It's like they finally got it right because these shitty ass fucking Priuses and these disgusting things. 1.00

00:49:09.000 Oh, by the way, number nine. 1.00

00:49:10.000 Ninth person I've ever seen throw a fucking cigarette out the window of their Prius. 1.00

00:49:16.000 You twats. 1.00

00:49:17.000 I'm watching all you hypocrite cunts. 1.00

00:49:20.000 It's just such a... 1.00

00:49:21.000 I know some people do it for economy.

00:49:23.000 I understand that it's not just... 0.99

00:49:25.000 But I like to think that they're green and they're just hypocrites. 1.00

00:49:27.000 Yeah, I mean, I would buy one. 0.72

00:49:29.000 It would just be because I don't feel like spending $90 every time I fill my tank up. 0.99

00:49:33.000 Yeah, well, this is a beautiful fucking car, man. 0.99

00:49:37.000 This Fisker. 0.99

00:49:38.000 Look at this thing, man.

00:49:39.000 Take a peek at that. 1.00

00:49:40.000 Look at that shit. 1.00

00:49:42.000 It's amazing, man. 1.00

00:49:43.000 I was going to say, recalled?

00:49:44.000 Yep, they recalled them.

00:49:45.000 It's already been recalled.

00:49:46.000 They already recalled them.

00:49:47.000 There was a fire-prone hose clamp.

00:49:51.000 This was a while ago.

00:49:54.000 Oh, no, it wasn't.

00:49:55.000 It's today.

00:49:56.000 That's crazy.

00:49:58.000 Recall.

00:49:58.000 Realize partly cloudy days.

00:50:00.000 We'll be stranded.

00:50:01.000 But it's a January 5th.

00:50:02.000 It's June 5th. 0.99

00:50:04.000 Yeah, it's a fucking beautiful car, though. 0.99

00:50:06.000 They're so slow, though. 0.98

00:50:08.000 I'm just so used to the pep of a car that's quick. 0.96

00:50:13.000 I don't drive like an asshole, but I do love the engineering, the responsiveness of a well-engineered car. 0.95

00:50:21.000 Pirate Dice was at a comedy store last night. 0.99

00:50:24.000 Yeah, he's going pirate now, right?

00:50:26.000 Dice Clay wears a pirate patch.

00:50:28.000 He gets discounts at stores, is what people say he says.

00:50:33.000 Because he says he's handicapped now?

00:50:34.000 He says he's a vet.

00:50:36.000 And if they don't have a vet, then he gets a senior discount.

00:50:39.000 That's what he's been telling people.

00:50:41.000 Are you serious?

00:50:42.000 I think that's what he's been saying.

00:50:43.000 Or no, handicap discount.

00:50:45.000 How hilarious is his idea?

00:50:47.000 I only take 10 shirts.

00:50:49.000 And then let the bidding begin.

00:50:51.000 Oh! 0.60

00:50:52.000 But he had his car there.

00:50:53.000 He had a...

00:50:54.000 What's the Charger?

00:50:55.000 Not the Charger, but what's the one?

00:50:57.000 Challenger.

00:50:58.000 I think it was.

00:50:58.000 Buick?

00:50:59.000 No, they're Dodge.

00:51:00.000 Dodge.

00:51:01.000 Yeah.

00:51:02.000 Buick.

00:51:02.000 Hemi.

00:51:03.000 His car was amazing, man.

00:51:04.000 It made me want to get rid of them.

00:51:05.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:51:06.000 Those are sick.

00:51:06.000 How much are those?

00:51:07.000 They're not that bad, right?

00:51:09.000 They're not that much, man.

00:51:09.000 No.

00:51:09.000 I think fully loaded, they're like 40 grand.

00:51:11.000 Oh, wow.

00:51:12.000 And they're beautiful.

00:51:13.000 That shape is just so iconic, the Challenger shape.

00:51:17.000 It's just like, you know what it's like?

00:51:18.000 It's like my old Barracuda, but it's not going to leave you stranded every couple days.

00:51:22.000 Right.

00:51:22.000 Those old cars, man, they look so badass, but the design involved in them, it's so crude.

00:51:32.000 Like drum brakes, they're so crude.

00:51:36.000 Like you hit the brakes, it's like, and they barely stop the car.

00:51:41.000 It takes forever.

00:51:42.000 Now they have cars like the new Porsche, the 991, which is the new 911. The new Porsche 911 that just came out can stop from, I think it's 60 miles an hour to zero in less than 100 feet.

00:51:56.000 That's like crazy.

00:51:58.000 They do it in 96 feet.

00:52:00.000 Wow.

00:52:00.000 The new Corvette can do that too.

00:52:02.000 Less than 100 feet from 60 to zero. 1.00

00:52:06.000 The old days, that shit would take you a mile. 0.99

00:52:08.000 It was 60 miles an hour. 1.00

00:52:09.000 Ah!

00:52:10.000 Not a mile, but if you're locked up, it takes a long-ass time to stop the car. 0.97

00:52:15.000 Now it's anti-lock brakes and traction control and all the new shit that you can do now. 0.99

00:52:22.000 The old cars are retarded. 1.00

00:52:24.000 They're just useless to have.

00:52:25.000 Unless you're just a hobbyist who loves the idea of this old mechanical thing that you're switching the gears and all that.

00:52:31.000 There's a lot of people that really do enjoy that.

00:52:33.000 But what the Challenger's done is they've gotten most of that old look and put it into a new car.

00:52:41.000 They figured out how to keep that shape.

00:52:44.000 It's not a good shape for handling.

00:52:46.000 It's terrible.

00:52:47.000 The design is not smart.

00:52:50.000 And it's like a big, heavy car, too. 0.99

00:52:52.000 So they're not that good around corners and shit like that. 0.87

00:52:55.000 Not like a Corvette or not like a car that's designed to do that. 0.61

00:52:59.000 But, you know, for regular driving, they're great.

00:53:02.000 Aubrey has one of those.

00:53:03.000 Yeah.

00:53:04.000 So does Tom Green. 0.99

00:53:05.000 I was either thinking about selling my car because my car gets horrible gas mileage and getting something like that because I'm about to pay off my car finally and I'm like, oh, I finally own this piece of shit. 0.99

00:53:13.000 Right. 1.00

00:53:13.000 It's not a piece of shit. 1.00

00:53:14.000 It's a great car. 0.99

00:53:15.000 But, and get something like that, or just get a really shitty small car, like something like one of those little baby Fiats, or you know, like the teeny little cheap cars.

00:53:24.000 Well, dude, if you wanted to get a Mustang, if you wanted to trade your Ford in, because maybe Ford would give you a good deal.

00:53:30.000 Oh yeah, I never thought about it.

00:53:31.000 Ford on Ford.

00:53:32.000 Yeah, the Mustang, the Boss 302, is not expensive.

00:53:36.000 It's not expensive at all. 0.98

00:53:38.000 Yeah, the new Mustang Boss 302, I think, is like $35,000, and they fucking fly. 0.96

00:53:46.000 And the new Mustang GT, just the GT, the GT is a fucking really good car, man. 0.98

00:53:54.000 The GT is 400 plus horsepower just for the Mustang GT. And it's a little bit crude in its design. 0.90

00:54:03.000 It has a live axle, which means the back end sort of bumps around a little bit, but it's a really fun car to drive.

00:54:10.000 Why would they do that?

00:54:12.000 Why would they do what?

00:54:13.000 Live axle?

00:54:14.000 Well, it helps drag racing.

00:54:16.000 It helps keep the power down.

00:54:18.000 I mean, it's not that bad.

00:54:20.000 What it is, is it's an older way of designing suspensions, but they made the best out of it.

00:54:27.000 It handles well.

00:54:28.000 I mean, it doesn't handle as good as a car with independent rear suspension, but the Mustang 302, the Boss 302, it laps racetracks faster than that Audi R8. You know that Audi space-looking car that Everlast has?

00:54:46.000 You know that thing?

00:54:47.000 The Laguna Seca Boss Mustang can lap racetracks quicker than that, which is pretty amazing.

00:54:57.000 They only have, I think it's only 400 and something horsepower.

00:55:03.000 Yeah, but it's a dope car.

00:55:06.000 It's like one of the best bargain cars.

00:55:09.000 I think it's, you know, if you wanted to get a bargain for performance, you can only go American. 1.00

00:55:17.000 There's no real bargains in as far as foreign cars for performance.

00:55:21.000 Yeah.

00:55:22.000 Like, American cars like...

00:55:23.000 Hyundai's are not bad.

00:55:25.000 Hyundai's?

00:55:26.000 What, the little sports car thing they have?

00:55:29.000 But you don't get that kind of performance.

00:55:31.000 You don't get 400 plus horsepower like you get in a Mustang.

00:55:34.000 You know, you're just not going to get that.

00:55:38.000 You're not going to get that kind of oomph, you know? 0.95

00:55:41.000 It's like, if you want a fast car that's a foreign car, there's a few Japanese cars that are pretty quick, you know, like the 370Zs, pretty quick, but they can't fuck with this Mustang.

00:55:54.000 But then you've got to get to big money like the Nissan GT-R, which is like $100,000. 0.99

00:56:01.000 Then shit gets crazy. 0.65

00:56:02.000 Because then the Japanese have one of the best production cars. 0.99

00:56:06.000 One of the fastest, best handling cars in the world.

00:56:08.000 But you have to get right to there before you get that kind of performance.

00:56:13.000 I went to Universal Studios for my first time the other day.

00:56:17.000 Oh, did you really?

00:56:17.000 Yeah.

00:56:18.000 And it's funny because I went on the first one I went on was the Terminator 2 ride, which, you know, it's been a while since that movie came out.

00:56:26.000 Right.

00:56:26.000 And I never, I almost freaked out because they make you get in this.

00:56:30.000 Have you been on that ride before?

00:56:32.000 No.

00:56:32.000 They make you get in this huge room, and I have no idea if this is a roller coaster.

00:56:37.000 Oh yeah, I did go in that.

00:56:38.000 Yeah, I did go in that.

00:56:39.000 Sorry, yeah.

00:56:39.000 And then you're sitting there with all these people, and the door is shut, and you're just like, alright, this is where the gas comes out, and we all get murdered.

00:56:47.000 And we couldn't leave.

00:56:48.000 And then suddenly there was just this bad actor acting job where, like, this lady comes out and I'm like, hi, welcome to whatever.

00:56:55.000 You know, we are here in the future. 0.99

00:56:57.000 Anyways, all her shit, all her computers behind her since the ride is so old. 0.98

00:57:02.000 Like, it used to look like it was supposed to be the future, but now looks really sad and depressing like a garage sale, like monitor. 0.99

00:57:09.000 Oh, that's funny.

00:57:10.000 And it's totally outdated.

00:57:12.000 And then she's like, before we go into the next room, I want you to look at this.

00:57:16.000 And it's a video that I'm guessing when the movie came out, which was what, 93 or something?

00:57:21.000 Something, yeah.

00:57:22.000 That all these things seemed really futuristic. 0.98

00:57:25.000 But now, half the shit that they showed, you could do on your iPhone. 0.98

00:57:29.000 And it was so weird. 0.98

00:57:30.000 Like, imagine in the future, your grandmother's far away and you want to talk to her.

00:57:34.000 How about talking to her on your wall?

00:57:36.000 You know, and you're like, yeah, I could do that on my phone now.

00:57:39.000 You know, and everything.

00:57:40.000 It was like, imagine being able to control, like a doctor can sit somewhere else and control an operation far away.

00:57:49.000 You can do that now.

00:57:50.000 You know, doctors are doing that now.

00:57:52.000 And it's weird. 0.99

00:57:53.000 Like, all this shit was so... 0.99

00:57:55.000 Perfect. 1.00

00:57:56.000 Do doctors do remote control operations?

00:57:58.000 Yeah, I think it's at the very beginning stages, but there has been successful operations where they've done that from remote locations and stuff like that, using advanced computers and robots.

00:58:09.000 Wow, that scares the shit out of me.

00:58:11.000 That's scary. 0.95

00:58:12.000 Somebody opened you up and remote control operating on you?

00:58:17.000 Yeah.

00:58:17.000 So then I was really scared, though, because I was really figuring out how...

00:58:23.000 Shitty this ride was I'm like damn this, you know, why does Universal have this but then you go into the next room and you watch this really old 3d movie and the 3d was really good, you know Right for its age and then there's this one point where there's also live actors mixed in like like in the theater so like like this guy would come out in a like a motorcycle and then like He had like a shotgun and he'll shoot somebody like a real like like that like holy shit that you could hear it sound like a gunshot and And then he'll like disappear off 0.88

00:58:53.000 the stage and it looks like he goes back into the 3D movie. 1.00

00:58:55.000 Shit like that. 0.99

00:58:56.000 So it was kind of interesting. 0.99

00:58:57.000 And then they have two more 3D screens that go around you.

00:59:01.000 And this is an old ride.

00:59:03.000 So everyone's probably like, yeah, dude, welcome to 93. But the 3D was coming out at all sides.

00:59:08.000 It was really awesome.

00:59:09.000 And I guess there's a new Transformers ride there that just takes that to the whole next level.

00:59:15.000 Wasn't there a Spider-Man one that did that too?

00:59:18.000 I don't know.

00:59:18.000 Was that in Orlando?

00:59:19.000 I think that's in Orlando.

00:59:20.000 I don't know.

00:59:21.000 And then there was the Simpsons ride where you... 0.65

00:59:25.000 It was a virtual roller coaster where, you know, it's one of those things where the whole thing moves, but you go into this, like, fucking dome where the whole dome is a movie, and it's really trippy. 0.90

00:59:35.000 If I want to do shrooms and do that, because I think I'll die and go to heaven. 0.99

00:59:39.000 Because you go into this huge room, and you're like, holy shit! 0.99

00:59:43.000 And then you feel like you're going through this roller coaster. 0.97

00:59:45.000 There's parts where, like, Maggie... 0.52

00:59:47.000 A huge maggie will try to grab your roller coaster and they spray baby powder smell. 1.00

00:59:54.000 So you start smelling baby powder and you're like, it's fucking badass. 0.95

00:59:58.000 Is it scary? 0.98

00:59:59.000 Like for a little kid?

01:00:01.000 Because a four year old do that? 0.98

01:00:03.000 You know, I was scared, but I was thinking of other things because I was like, holy shit, is this one of those elevator drop rides where you drop? 0.99

01:00:10.000 Because I thought I was going to freak out. 0.64

01:00:12.000 It is weird how they can pull that effect off while just showing you a screen and then moving things around.

01:00:17.000 It works.

01:00:18.000 And I wasn't even stoned. 0.99

01:00:19.000 If I was stoned, I would fucking be... 0.99

01:00:21.000 We should go sometime, man. 0.99

01:00:23.000 I got a season pass now.

01:00:24.000 It's only $20 more.

01:00:26.000 What was the big one that they had?

01:00:27.000 They had that one famous one there.

01:00:29.000 Was it Jurassic Park?

01:00:30.000 They have Jurassic Park, I think.

01:00:33.000 Wait.

01:00:34.000 Did they have Jurassic?

01:00:35.000 No, I parked at Jurassic Park.

01:00:37.000 Yes, they must have had Jurassic Park.

01:00:37.000 Yeah, I feel like there's a Jurassic Park ride, right?

01:00:40.000 No, but they have a Waterworld one still there, which was fucking creepy. 0.99

01:00:44.000 Who wants to see a shitty... 1.00

01:00:45.000 A Universal? 0.99

01:00:46.000 Yeah.

01:00:47.000 Oh, that is the Jurassic Park one.

01:00:49.000 There's a water scene in it.

01:00:51.000 You're in like a log...

01:00:52.000 No, the movie Waterworld.

01:00:53.000 Oh, Waterworld?

01:00:54.000 The movie Waterworld? 0.99

01:00:56.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.98

01:00:57.000 Yeah, it was still there. 0.98

01:00:58.000 They have a King Kong one.

01:00:59.000 That's the one.

01:01:00.000 And the Jaws one is the one that you...

01:01:01.000 King Kong is pretty new.

01:01:03.000 Oh, is it?

01:01:04.000 Yeah.

01:01:04.000 It's within the last couple years.

01:01:06.000 Oh, they redid it.

01:01:07.000 Yeah, it's the new King Kong from like four years ago or five years ago.

01:01:11.000 Yeah.

01:01:11.000 I didn't go to it.

01:01:12.000 I only went to those two because I went on a Sunday.

01:01:15.000 How many King Kongs have there been?

01:01:17.000 There was the original one, which is... 0.93

01:01:20.000 Fucking awesome to watch today. 0.93

01:01:21.000 You ever watch it today? 0.96

01:01:23.000 The original one?

01:01:23.000 Yeah.

01:01:24.000 Yeah.

01:01:24.000 The one in 1984 was my favorite one.

01:01:27.000 I think it was 1984. That was my favorite one.

01:01:29.000 That was the Dino De Laurentiis one.

01:01:31.000 Yeah.

01:01:31.000 With Jessica Lange.

01:01:32.000 Yeah.

01:01:33.000 I liked that one back in the day.

01:01:34.000 I haven't seen it since.

01:01:35.000 Yeah, that was a trip. 0.99

01:01:36.000 And Jessica Lange played a broad that was just ditzy enough to fall in love with a fucking giant gorilla. 1.00

01:01:42.000 Right. 0.99

01:01:43.000 You know, she was just ditzy enough where you could buy it and believe it. 0.99

01:01:49.000 The latest one was fucking incredible, man. 0.99

01:01:53.000 The latest one. 0.99

01:01:54.000 When you go back and you see the newest King Kong compared to the oldest King Kong...

01:01:58.000 The oldest one is like, wow, what a window into a different world.

01:02:02.000 You ever see, is it called Metropolis?

01:02:05.000 Mm-hmm.

01:02:06.000 That old, really, really old sci-fi movie?

01:02:09.000 Yeah.

01:02:09.000 Wow, it's incredible what they thought the future was going to be like.

01:02:12.000 The style of that movie was so amazing. 0.93

01:02:14.000 Well, even like the old Alien, like, I'm fucking psyched. 0.60

01:02:17.000 Prometheus is coming out this weekend. 0.99

01:02:18.000 But if you watch the original Alien, you know, when they were on that spaceship, what a bunch of whack-ass fucking fake equipment they had. 0.98

01:02:27.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:02:27.000 Everything was all lights and shit, and the monitors, these shitty little green tint monitors. 0.99

01:02:33.000 Because essentially this is before the user interface, the graphic user interface that we think of as computers today. 0.98

01:02:41.000 Everybody thinks of a Mac or a PC and clicking on things.

01:02:44.000 There was no clicking on anything back then.

01:02:47.000 What people don't understand is the first computers when the movie Alien came out, they were like, it was all just like green print on a screen. 0.99

01:02:55.000 You weren't downloading anything, bitch! 1.00

01:02:58.000 You know, it was like 1979 or something, right? 0.99

01:03:00.000 There was no downloading.

01:03:02.000 There were just these weird things that sat around in laboratories.

01:03:05.000 So they never predicted, you know, like not even remotely what the future was going to hold.

01:03:12.000 They didn't see that even.

01:03:13.000 They didn't see anything coming.

01:03:15.000 They didn't even see a little. 0.78

01:03:17.000 It's kind of fucking crazy when you stop and think about what a big difference the graphic user interface has played. 0.65

01:03:22.000 The ability to click on things. 0.98

01:03:24.000 Just when you look at a smartphone, like I was looking at that big, giant-ass Note.

01:03:30.000 I love that thing.

01:03:31.000 I got a Note.

01:03:32.000 New iPhone.

01:03:33.000 Have you seen the new pictures of the new iPhone?

01:03:35.000 No.

01:03:36.000 It's pretty much the same, but the whole thing's almost all screen.

01:03:41.000 Really?

01:03:41.000 Yeah.

01:03:42.000 But it is not bigger?

01:03:44.000 No, but the screen is, like if you look at your iPhone now, it doesn't take even, you know, like what, 75% of the phone?

01:03:50.000 Right.

01:03:50.000 But now it's most of the phone?

01:03:51.000 It's all, like from wall to wall, up and down.

01:03:53.000 Well, that's gonna be nice.

01:03:55.000 I mean, the Note is cool because it's a small tablet and I think, I'm pretty sure, my money is all on that Apple is releasing a smaller version of the iPad that will kind of compete with the Note because they're gonna use it also as a remote control for their new TV. That will come out soon.

01:04:12.000 Really?

01:04:12.000 So that will take over that.

01:04:15.000 But I don't think the note as a phone is... 0.99

01:04:17.000 I think it's the dumbest thing ever. 0.95

01:04:19.000 I saw this person use it and have you ever seen them hold it up? 0.99

01:04:22.000 It looks like they're gonna break their hand.

01:04:24.000 You can watch the tumors grow in their brain as they're holding it up to their head. 1.00

01:04:29.000 The fucking thing is enormous. 1.00

01:04:31.000 But it looks beautiful though, man. 1.00

01:04:33.000 It's fucking... 0.99

01:04:34.000 I tell you what, man. 0.99

01:04:35.000 I got this new iPad, the latest one with the Verizon service on it.

01:04:40.000 That makes a huge difference because it's my first iPad with the service on it.

01:04:45.000 But the hotspot feature is faster than my high-speed business class internet at Death Squad.

01:04:52.000 That's incredible.

01:04:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:04:53.000 But you only get to use a little bit of it before they fuck you in the ass. 1.00

01:04:56.000 You know what? 1.00

01:04:57.000 You would think that, but I used it pretty hardcore.

01:05:00.000 And you don't really know, unless you're downloading movies.

01:05:02.000 I downloaded one movie and I got an email from them.

01:05:05.000 Yeah, well, that's the one thing. 0.96

01:05:06.000 But that's ridiculous. 0.76

01:05:07.000 But everything else... 0.99

01:05:08.000 That's ridiculous.

01:05:09.000 If you have an iPad... 0.91

01:05:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:05:10.000 And you download one movie, and they're like, oh, you're fucked. 1.00

01:05:13.000 You're like, what do you mean I'm fucked? 0.99

01:05:14.000 That's the whole thing. 0.97

01:05:15.000 Because if everyone downloaded one movie all the time, then there's not that much internet.

01:05:21.000 They need to fix that. 0.85

01:05:22.000 That's ridiculous.

01:05:24.000 When you use mobile internet, it's offensive how much it costs. 0.63

01:05:29.000 They just need to expand Wi-Fi so it hits everybody, so we have Wi-Fi everywhere, not cell phone network everywhere.

01:05:34.000 And then every bee's going to be dead. 0.99

01:05:36.000 We could put fucking hotspots on all the helicopter cats. 0.99

01:05:40.000 You know, in Aspen, it's free Wi-Fi for the whole city. 1.00

01:05:43.000 People just sit out there in the middle of nowhere and just fucking...

01:05:46.000 I bet this website's probably blocked. 0.96

01:05:49.000 JoeRogan.net.

01:05:49.000 Oh, yeah.

01:05:50.000 I think they did block.

01:05:51.000 They've tried that in a lot of cities.

01:05:53.000 There's a lot of cities that do that.

01:05:54.000 I was happy when I couldn't get to my website from Dubai. 0.99

01:05:56.000 I was like, look at that, bitch. 1.00

01:05:59.000 I'm too dangerous. 1.00

01:06:00.000 Too dangerous for your Wi-Fi.

01:06:04.000 Yeah.

01:06:04.000 There's a good argument for that, but we don't know what the fuck is happening with all these different wire signals in the air.

01:06:10.000 People can say nothing, we're adapting to them, but there's something going on, man. 0.74

01:06:16.000 Nipples are shrinking.

01:06:17.000 When you can send...

01:06:18.000 Yeah, no aerials.

01:06:20.000 When you can send images and ones and zeros, and you send them through the air, and there's something else that picks them up and receives them...

01:06:30.000 That's a crazy thing.

01:06:32.000 You're sending a signal and the signal is just in the air?

01:06:36.000 It makes no sense.

01:06:37.000 Is that hitting me?

01:06:39.000 Is it all over me?

01:06:40.000 When someone's like Wi-Fi and like crazy near you, are you getting pelted by like random information as it makes its way from the internet somehow or another into their computer?

01:06:51.000 Where's it going from?

01:06:53.000 Is it passing through your dimension at all? 0.70

01:06:55.000 I mean, that is like some interdimensional fucking transportation of, I mean, the physical object of a piece of paper that you print and you turn, you know, into a photograph that you just got from the internet.

01:07:07.000 I mean, that is a way where something physical just gets created and it wasn't there before. 0.96

01:07:14.000 Sent to you and printed up.

01:07:16.000 Like, that is, that's a crazy thing, man.

01:07:18.000 It's really crazy that we can just do that.

01:07:20.000 And we just don't even think about the fact there's television signals and radio signals and internet signals and cell phone signals and all these different signals going around.

01:07:28.000 And I don't know if they're affecting us.

01:07:30.000 I have no idea.

01:07:31.000 It might be that we would all feel a little bit better if we didn't have them.

01:07:36.000 Yeah, it would be interesting.

01:07:37.000 Too bad there's not really any place in the world that you can probably not have complete zero signals. 0.96

01:07:45.000 You have to go somewhere that really sucks. 0.91

01:07:47.000 Like Alaska. 1.00

01:07:48.000 Antarctica or some shit. 0.99

01:07:49.000 From Antarctica, I mean. 0.97

01:07:49.000 Yeah, Alaska has cell phones. 0.97

01:07:51.000 No, I meant Antarctica.

01:07:53.000 But they would still probably have some kind of signal, I would bet, up there.

01:07:56.000 Like, at least satellite or something.

01:07:58.000 Maybe.

01:07:59.000 Maybe.

01:07:59.000 But satellite doesn't work everywhere.

01:08:01.000 It depends on where the satellite's, where you can receive it.

01:08:04.000 Like, I don't think you can get XM radio in Hawaii.

01:08:08.000 Really?

01:08:08.000 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

01:08:10.000 I rented a car there once and I was trying to listen to Opie and Anthony.

01:08:14.000 I rented a Cadillac and I was looking for the satellite button.

01:08:17.000 I pressed the satellite button and there was nothing going on. 0.99

01:08:20.000 And I was like, you know, I don't think this shit works here. 0.97

01:08:22.000 I forgot to look it up though. 0.99

01:08:24.000 But I don't think it does.

01:08:26.000 But I'm not sure.

01:08:27.000 But you can always get it online.

01:08:28.000 Right.

01:08:29.000 Which is what everybody's going to do eventually anyway.

01:08:32.000 They're going to be selling radios that come with your car that connect to the internet and allow you to download podcasts.

01:08:40.000 If you have a Ford, you already have Stitcher.

01:08:44.000 The new Fords have that Stitcher app built in. 0.98

01:08:47.000 Fucking mad, man. 0.97

01:08:48.000 I want that so bad. 1.00

01:08:50.000 That's the thing I hate.

01:08:51.000 I hope if anyone that designs these Fords and these awesome new cars with these new stereos that have these apps like Stitcher, it's called Sync for Ford. 0.99

01:09:00.000 I have that, but there's no way to upgrade it so I can get that shit. 0.97

01:09:05.000 And that's not fair. 0.99

01:09:06.000 What do you mean?

01:09:07.000 You go and get it if you buy a new car?

01:09:09.000 Yeah.

01:09:10.000 Ford's been releasing their hardware in series.

01:09:13.000 So you have sync version 1, 2, 3. It's not like an iPhone where you can upgrade it.

01:09:21.000 You can't do that.

01:09:21.000 And it really makes me mad because I can't...

01:09:24.000 What am I going to tear out the stereo?

01:09:25.000 Yeah, that's whack.

01:09:26.000 The computer in your car should be interchangeable and upgradable.

01:09:30.000 It should be like something you pull out and put a new one in.

01:09:33.000 They're just being cheap and they're telling their software developers to move on to the next stuff and just abandoning.

01:09:39.000 That's almost a leak.

01:09:40.000 It should be illegal because my car is like a 2008. I haven't been able to update it in three years.

01:09:48.000 Yeah, that is kind of fucked. 0.98

01:09:49.000 It's like a planned obsolescence. 1.00

01:09:51.000 I mean, it really is.

01:09:52.000 The fact that the computer itself isn't upgradable.

01:09:55.000 How long do you expect people to keep that car?

01:09:58.000 Because when you really think about all the different laws, what is it, Moore's Law for computers?

01:10:03.000 Right.

01:10:04.000 You stop and think about how quickly computers become obsolete.

01:10:07.000 Right.

01:10:07.000 Yeah, like imagine having a classic Corvette and it had a black and white television in it.

01:10:11.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00

01:10:13.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:10:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:14.000 Well, those knuckleheads, though, that like those really classic cars, they want like classic hubcaps. 1.00

01:10:20.000 They want everything. 1.00

01:10:21.000 They want to time travel so they can go back in high school and fuck their 15-year-old girlfriend. 1.00

01:10:25.000 Oh, I see him all the time, man. 1.00

01:10:26.000 Living in Burbank, that's like that big boy there.

01:10:29.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:10:29.000 Every week, fucking Leno, driving around in a fucking fire truck, waving at you like he's the Pope. 1.00

01:10:34.000 Fucking, Burbank's the creepiest place ever. 1.00

01:10:36.000 How weird is it Jay waves at everybody? 0.99

01:10:38.000 Oh, he's the nicest guy, dude.

01:10:40.000 He's the nicest guy ever.

01:10:40.000 I see him all the time, like walking the streets and talking to people.

01:10:44.000 Hey, how are you? 0.89

01:10:45.000 They were shitting all over him on the radio today on Stern. 0.96

01:10:48.000 Really? 0.98

01:10:49.000 Him and Joan Rivers.

01:10:50.000 Oh yeah, I haven't heard the rest of that.

01:10:52.000 Joan Rivers is pretty funny.

01:10:53.000 She's ruthless, man. 0.99

01:10:54.000 She's still fucking slinging heat. 1.00

01:10:56.000 Joan Rivers is still going to war with chicks. 1.00

01:10:58.000 It's hilarious, man.

01:11:00.000 She's still struggling.

01:11:01.000 She's still fighting. 0.52

01:11:02.000 She's like 79-something years old, and she still does stand-up.

01:11:06.000 She's still obsessed with work.

01:11:07.000 Have you ever met Jenny McCarthy?

01:11:10.000 Yeah, I met her once. 0.96

01:11:12.000 She was really nice, and I stopped doing a joke about her.

01:11:16.000 What was it?

01:11:17.000 I had a joke that I heard that Jenny McCarthy was going to get her breast implants taken out. 1.00

01:11:22.000 I said it's like Tiger Woods chopping his fucking arms off. 0.99

01:11:25.000 Dude, that's not bad. 0.99

01:11:26.000 Why don't you put them back in and make them bigger and no talking?

01:11:31.000 She was on Howard Stern yesterday, and I forgot about her, you know, because she married Jim Carrey, and you're just kind of like, right, she's dead to me.

01:11:38.000 Did she marry Jim Carrey?

01:11:39.000 I think they just dated.

01:11:40.000 Oh, maybe.

01:11:41.000 I thought they married.

01:11:43.000 But now they're separated, and she was on Howard Stern just talking about how much... 1.00

01:11:47.000 I mean, she's a dirty girl, and she was talking about how much she masturbates, how much she needs cock... 1.00

01:11:51.000 That shit. 1.00

01:11:52.000 And then you go online, you're like, what's she look like now? 1.00

01:11:54.000 And you go to her Twitter, and you're like, holy shit, she's still fucking hot as hell. 0.99

01:11:58.000 And she's a nympho, and she lives in the valley somewhere. 0.99

01:12:01.000 So what are you saying, dude?

01:12:02.000 I need to find out what she does.

01:12:04.000 Dude, she wants a podcast now.

01:12:06.000 Do you think you could get with that?

01:12:08.000 Jenny McCarthy?

01:12:09.000 Do you think you could pull that off?

01:12:10.000 I don't think so, but...

01:12:12.000 But you never know.

01:12:13.000 I don't think you could pull off half the girls you've pulled off already, right?

01:12:17.000 True.

01:12:17.000 Yeah, so why not her?

01:12:19.000 Why not just make a complete fantasy land?

01:12:22.000 Why not just go full-on Coen Brothers movie?

01:12:25.000 Well, my mission was Lindsay Lohan.

01:12:26.000 I thought that would be a bigger mission.

01:12:28.000 That's harder, I think. 0.99

01:12:30.000 Please, I know guys that fucked her. 1.00

01:12:32.000 I don't know anybody that's fucked Jenny McCarthy. 1.00

01:12:34.000 True. 0.97

01:12:34.000 You know Jim Carrey. 0.97

01:12:35.000 I don't know that guy.

01:12:37.000 Do you know him?

01:12:38.000 No?

01:12:38.000 I thought maybe you knew him from the Comedy Store today.

01:12:40.000 No, I've never met him.

01:12:42.000 He kind of stopped doing stand-up a long time ago.

01:12:44.000 Some of those guys, it's interesting.

01:12:46.000 Stand-up gets them to the dance, and then once they get to the dance, then they just become an actor.

01:12:50.000 A lot of dudes do that. 0.97

01:12:53.000 Did you ever do Comedy Store shit with Marc Maron? 0.95

01:12:57.000 Were you there at that same time period as him? 0.94

01:12:59.000 No, he was there a long time ago.

01:13:01.000 He was really young and he was there with Kinison. 0.97

01:13:04.000 He was a dork guy. 0.85

01:13:05.000 Kinison was alive. 0.97

01:13:06.000 Yeah, by the time I got into stand-up, Kinison only had a couple years of life left.

01:13:11.000 He died when I lived in New York.

01:13:14.000 So I think it was probably 90, I want to say 92 that Kinnison died somewhere along those lines.

01:13:22.000 So I still hadn't made my way out to LA yet.

01:13:25.000 And Marin got in deep with Kinnison when he was a kid.

01:13:30.000 He was hanging around with them and he got to see the crazy dark coke years. 1.00

01:13:37.000 He got to see the chaos and all that shit. 1.00

01:13:40.000 That story about Kinison fathering Carla Bow's wife's child is just so fucked up. 1.00

01:13:48.000 So fucked up, man. 1.00

01:13:50.000 He thought that it was his daughter for the longest time. 1.00

01:13:53.000 Then a DNA test reveals it was Sam Kinison's kid. 1.00

01:13:56.000 You just think of his wife just laying there and letting fat Sam climb on top of her and shoot his loads inside of her and go, what kind of a fucking friendship did they have? 0.99

01:14:07.000 What kind of a world were they living in? 1.00

01:14:10.000 What kind of decadence and depravity, what kind of Hollywood chaos was going on?

01:14:16.000 Where Kinison was just banging his friend's best friend, opening act, wife on the side, and shooting loads into her. 1.00

01:14:25.000 It amazes me that dude got a lot of fucking pussy. 1.00

01:14:29.000 He was on the Howard Stern calling and he had four girls in his bed. 1.00

01:14:32.000 You're amazed at that. 1.00

01:14:33.000 But yet you're not amazed when you get pussy. 1.00

01:14:35.000 No! 1.00

01:14:37.000 Well, that's one at a time.

01:14:39.000 I don't know.

01:14:40.000 Sam Kinison was a big guy.

01:14:42.000 I don't know.

01:14:43.000 Not very attractive, really.

01:14:45.000 I never thought Kinison was...

01:14:48.000 I guess he was bigger than I thought he was.

01:14:50.000 Back in the day, I never thought he was a big comic.

01:14:53.000 Oh, you mean big like Physically?

01:14:55.000 Or you mean big notoriety?

01:14:57.000 Notoriety.

01:14:57.000 It was huge.

01:14:58.000 Yeah.

01:14:58.000 See, I didn't see that because I was into the comedy scene and I only knew what I saw on TV. And I always thought the big guys were like Robin Williams and Eddie Murphy.

01:15:05.000 Yeah, it was big too.

01:15:06.000 They were all big.

01:15:07.000 But Kennison was huge, dude.

01:15:09.000 I found out about Kennison in 86...

01:15:12.000 And all my friends knew about Kinnison.

01:15:14.000 Everybody knew Kinnison.

01:15:15.000 When I went to see Kinnison live, I brought a bunch of my friends. 0.93

01:15:19.000 Everybody was fucking psyched to see Kinnison live. 0.86

01:15:22.000 We saw Kinnison live. 0.98

01:15:25.000 I saw Carlin live before I ever did stand-up.

01:15:28.000 I got to see Carlin live.

01:15:30.000 I got to see Carlin bomb.

01:15:32.000 Really? 1.00

01:15:33.000 He ate shit. 1.00

01:15:35.000 It did not work out. 1.00

01:15:37.000 It wasn't good.

01:15:39.000 He got to this weird stage in his life in the late 80s.

01:15:45.000 This is before I had done comedy.

01:15:47.000 Maybe I had done an open mic night.

01:15:50.000 Maybe one or something like that.

01:15:51.000 But it was me and my roommates.

01:15:55.000 And we were out in New Hampshire.

01:15:58.000 We saw him at a casino up there.

01:16:02.000 And they do shows there.

01:16:04.000 And that was the place where everybody would go up from Boston during the summer.

01:16:07.000 We'd all go up to this casino.

01:16:10.000 Was it Hampton Beach?

01:16:12.000 I think that's it.

01:16:13.000 I don't remember. 0.98

01:16:14.000 Anyway, we were all there and George Carlin had this weird thing that he was doing where he just had like a notepad and he was just reading off, fuck this and fuck that. 0.99

01:16:28.000 It was like this whole, and fuck Israel and fuck this and fuck, like the whole bit was like, it wasn't really working. 0.98

01:16:35.000 You know, it was weird. 1.00

01:16:37.000 It was like there was all this energy and there was all this You know, push into it.

01:16:41.000 And it was fascinating for me to watch because I was like, this is George Carlin.

01:16:45.000 I mean, George Carlin is like an all-time great comic.

01:16:50.000 But at this point in his life, it wasn't working out. 1.00

01:16:53.000 That night, I don't know what it was, but my friend looked over at me and goes, this guy fucking sucks. 1.00

01:16:59.000 And I was like, wow. 0.99

01:17:00.000 I couldn't even say anything because I had dragged them there.

01:17:02.000 They weren't comedians.

01:17:03.000 I had dragged them to go see George Carlin.

01:17:05.000 And he was eating it.

01:17:07.000 It was weird.

01:17:08.000 And I, you know, I stopped listening to him for like a year or two.

01:17:12.000 And then I bought, he had like, warning, explicit lyrics, I think was one of his CDs, which was great.

01:17:20.000 And I was like, whew, he got it back.

01:17:22.000 It was almost like, you know, he just had a bad, he did so much stand up.

01:17:26.000 Everyone has a bad set.

01:17:28.000 It wasn't just a bad set.

01:17:29.000 It was a bad set.

01:17:32.000 Not that night, but set out.

01:17:34.000 The way it was written.

01:17:35.000 He went through a period of I don't know how many decades where he made a new hour every year. 0.98

01:17:43.000 So, because of that, he was so fucking prolific. 0.95

01:17:47.000 He would essentially write a whole new monologue, a long monologue, every year. 0.96

01:17:54.000 And to do that and still have something to say after all those years, you're going to hit some stumbling blocks along the way.

01:18:01.000 I mean, you're going to have some awkward moments.

01:18:04.000 You know, like if you... 0.98

01:18:06.000 If you go to see Louis C.K., this is very possible that Louis is working on new shit right now. 0.99

01:18:10.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:18:11.000 He's always got new shit. 0.99

01:18:13.000 If you do that, it's so hard to maintain the quality. 0.99

01:18:17.000 It's so hard, you know, to...

01:18:19.000 Every year, a new hour? 1.00

01:18:21.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:18:22.000 Goddamn! 1.00

01:18:23.000 You wonder how many... 0.97

01:18:24.000 You would have to start doing things, like, specifically to write material.

01:18:29.000 Like, go to Universal Studios.

01:18:31.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:18:32.000 Yeah, go to...

01:18:33.000 You know, you're gonna go somewhere.

01:18:34.000 I try to do it once a week now. 1.00

01:18:35.000 Just do stupid shit like that. 1.00

01:18:36.000 Just to get material? 1.00

01:18:38.000 Absolutely.

01:18:38.000 Really?

01:18:38.000 Yeah.

01:18:39.000 It's kind of cool because it makes you do more things.

01:18:41.000 And it's a two-edged sword because you still enjoy it. 0.99

01:18:44.000 It's like you're going to do some cool shit. 0.97

01:18:46.000 Well, what have you done that you didn't like doing? 1.00

01:18:49.000 Fuck, what was that recently? 0.99

01:18:51.000 There was something recently that I did. 1.00

01:18:53.000 Oh, well, no, that was still fun. 0.98

01:18:55.000 Going to that black strip club. 0.92

01:18:57.000 No, I can't think of... 0.96

01:18:59.000 There was something I did recently that was really boring.

01:19:01.000 I can't even think of what it was.

01:19:02.000 But I remember thinking, like, well, that was...

01:19:05.000 Oh! 0.98

01:19:06.000 Doing mushrooms in a shitty hotel in Venice. 0.99

01:19:10.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:19:11.000 Yeah.

01:19:12.000 That was horrible.

01:19:13.000 That's not a good move.

01:19:14.000 But I still got kind of material from it.

01:19:16.000 Kind of, I guess.

01:19:18.000 What kind of material did you get?

01:19:20.000 It's just like on stuff I haven't really tried out too much.

01:19:25.000 About how bad the situation is.

01:19:26.000 You can tell you're in a bad area where everywhere you look there's evidence.

01:19:31.000 Right.

01:19:31.000 Stuff like that.

01:19:32.000 There's just all these tags that kind of build up.

01:19:35.000 Trying to make into sets.

01:19:37.000 But, I don't know, things like that.

01:19:39.000 I've been doing more.

01:19:40.000 I've never done that, but usually once a week I try to do something crazy.

01:19:44.000 Like, I want to go to Magic Castle.

01:19:46.000 I've never been.

01:19:47.000 Yeah, I've never been, but I want to go there and just get drunk.

01:19:50.000 My friend Zach at Jiu Jitsu was a magician.

01:19:53.000 Oh, really?

01:19:53.000 Yeah.

01:19:54.000 He's always invited me to go there, but you know what?

01:19:55.000 You have to wear a jacket and a tie.

01:19:57.000 I know.

01:19:57.000 And there's always creepy actors there that I heard.

01:20:01.000 Every time you go, there's somebody weird there.

01:20:02.000 You're like, why is that person here?

01:20:04.000 Like who?

01:20:05.000 Like some guy from the 80s?

01:20:06.000 No, not even that. 0.98

01:20:07.000 Like, shit, what's his name? 0.99

01:20:09.000 I don't want to say, but I don't know what his name is. 0.99

01:20:13.000 But it's somebody you're like, wow, really?

01:20:14.000 That guy's here?

01:20:16.000 I saw that Stephen Baldwin is suing Kevin Costner.

01:20:21.000 Kevin Costner has, apparently, he owns a piece of some company that makes a machine that takes oil out of water, which is pretty surreal.

01:20:31.000 It doesn't make sense.

01:20:32.000 During the Exxon spill, or that last big spill, he donated or something.

01:20:36.000 Yeah.

01:20:37.000 Pretty crazy.

01:20:38.000 Yeah.

01:20:38.000 When you stop and think that somehow or another Kevin Costner is a part of this.

01:20:42.000 I don't know how he got to be a part.

01:20:43.000 I don't know what the story behind it is.

01:20:44.000 Waterworld, bro.

01:20:45.000 It might have been.

01:20:46.000 I bet they paid him a fuckload of money for Waterworld. 0.56

01:20:49.000 I mean, Waterworld, it wasn't like...

01:20:51.000 It was one of the biggest budget movies of all time at that time.

01:20:54.000 And it lost the most, I guess.

01:20:58.000 I don't know if it lost the most, but it lost a shitload. 0.99

01:21:01.000 You should look that shit up, find out if it does. 0.99

01:21:03.000 But I remember when it came out, I was like, God, what a fucking crazy idea. 1.00

01:21:07.000 This movie sucks. 0.99

01:21:09.000 I never watched the whole thing. 1.00

01:21:11.000 Who the fuck thought they could film a whole movie on the water? 1.00

01:21:13.000 That's so hard to do, just to get your shit out there, get your goddamn equipment out there in the water. 1.00

01:21:19.000 Everything's getting wet and fucked up. 1.00

01:21:21.000 You're dropping your camera in the water all the time. 1.00

01:21:24.000 It's so stupid, and the premise sucks anyway. 1.00

01:21:27.000 Oh, everything's water now? 1.00

01:21:29.000 I could kind of see that, though, in the future.

01:21:33.000 Earthquakes, everything fell into the ocean or something like that.

01:21:37.000 There would be way more sharks.

01:21:38.000 If that was the case, there'd be way more sharks.

01:21:42.000 Everybody would be jacking sharks and all sorts of things. 0.99

01:21:47.000 Grabbing people, pulling them under, starfish and shit, octopuses. 1.00

01:21:54.000 Octopuses. 1.00

01:21:54.000 Grabbing them, dragging them underwater. 1.00

01:21:57.000 There'd be a lot of that, because people would, we'd be like little bobbers everywhere.

01:22:01.000 Wow, Kevin Costner was on the set of that movie, 157 days, working six days a week for a movie. 0.92

01:22:07.000 That's a long ass time. 0.95

01:22:08.000 For a movie that sucked, a big fat bag of Wildly considered to be one of the biggest box office bombs of all times. 0.96

01:22:16.000 Although it grossed $255 million from a $175 million budget, this does not factor in marketing and distribution charges or percentage of the gross that theaters keep, which is up to 45%.

01:22:29.000 The film came to be nicknamed Kevin's Gate after Heaven's Gate and Fishtar after Ishtar, two mega bombs.

01:22:38.000 Yeah, Ishtar was a huge bomb.

01:22:39.000 I never saw that either.

01:22:40.000 Did you ever watch that?

01:22:41.000 Yeah, I think I watched part of it when I was a kid, but I don't remember.

01:22:45.000 It was Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman. 0.96

01:22:48.000 I don't even know what the fuck it was about. 0.98

01:22:51.000 And what was the other one that they said was a big bomb? 0.98

01:22:53.000 The other one I've never even heard of, but it was called Heaven's Gate.

01:22:59.000 Yeah, I think that was a Warren Beatty movie too.

01:23:02.000 Was that a Warren Beatty movie?

01:23:03.000 No, that's Chris Christopherson, Christopher Walken, and John Hurt.

01:23:09.000 Actually got a 6.5 on IMDB. Huh, but just bummed.

01:23:14.000 It has a pretty cool cover or poster.

01:23:17.000 Never saw it.

01:23:18.000 But Ishtar, I remember Ishtar was a bomb.

01:23:21.000 And it was not just a bomb, but everybody talked about what a bomb it was.

01:23:25.000 So it became a massive bomb.

01:23:27.000 Like, oh my god, have you seen Ishtar? 1.00

01:23:29.000 What a piece of shit. 1.00

01:23:30.000 Like, they didn't even see it, and they were just saying it was a piece of shit. 1.00

01:23:32.000 Yeah, I remember when I was a kid, I used Ishtar as a reference to something cheap or shitty. 0.99

01:23:36.000 Like, you know, like I would say things where, that's like Ishtar.

01:23:40.000 Oh, really?

01:23:41.000 Yeah, like that was...

01:23:42.000 Meanwhile, it's like super expensive.

01:23:44.000 Probably because they had to pay Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty, right?

01:23:47.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:23:48.000 Yeah, I wonder how much Kevin Costner made for 157 days on that piece of shit movie. 1.00

01:23:53.000 Yeah, right. 0.99

01:23:54.000 We had some guys from Fear Factor stunt guys that worked on that and they were saying it was hell.

01:23:59.000 It sounds like it. 0.93

01:24:00.000 Yeah, it sounds pretty ridiculous. 0.91

01:24:02.000 Just the idea behind it, man. 1.00

01:24:04.000 You're gonna make a fucking movie where everything's floating. 1.00

01:24:06.000 Stop it, you silly bitch. 1.00

01:24:09.000 The best one, though, wasn't even that. 1.00

01:24:11.000 The best one was The Postman.

01:24:13.000 Did you ever see that?

01:24:15.000 No, I never watched it.

01:24:16.000 It was in Horses, right?

01:24:17.000 It was like him on horses. 1.00

01:24:19.000 It was in the future, after the shit hits the fan. 1.00

01:24:22.000 Kevin Costner is a fucking hero because he delivers letters to people. 1.00

01:24:26.000 He's The Postman. 0.99

01:24:27.000 Oh my god, dude.

01:24:29.000 It's so bad, you can't believe it's real.

01:24:32.000 And the acting is so bad.

01:24:34.000 The acting is like...

01:24:36.000 ABC after-school special acting.

01:24:39.000 Like, there's no way it seems real. 0.99

01:24:42.000 It's like, shut up, mom! 0.99

01:24:44.000 Get out of my room! 1.00

01:24:45.000 Like, it just does not seem...

01:24:47.000 There's nothing realistic about it at all. 1.00

01:24:49.000 And the premise is dog shit. 1.00

01:24:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:24:53.000 Did you hear about fucking THQ and EA? Yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:24:57.000 That's crazy.

01:24:58.000 Yeah, the UFC is going to make their new video game with EA. And apparently, THQ bought it.

01:25:04.000 Or EA bought it from THQ. You know, I feel bad.

01:25:07.000 THQ shut down the developer.

01:25:10.000 They did it.

01:25:10.000 Shut down their office.

01:25:12.000 Yesterday, my E3 just closed down.

01:25:15.000 And they didn't have a booth at this year's E3 because I was originally, because I'm going to E3 tomorrow and I wanted to talk to them about UFC and all that crap.

01:25:23.000 And they were like, we don't have a booth.

01:25:24.000 We're meeting at a hotel.

01:25:25.000 And I'm like, whoa, someone's going down.

01:25:28.000 But then...

01:25:28.000 Yeah, I think, you know, THQ did a really good job with that game.

01:25:32.000 And THQ, I thought, you know, with Saints Row, I mean, Saints Row just released a map pack that Ryan Keighley, who does, you know, podcasts with me, she's in the new map pack.

01:25:42.000 So they're actually combining video games with Penthouse now, which I thought was cool.

01:25:45.000 That is smart.

01:25:46.000 Yeah.

01:25:47.000 But I think they're losing a lot of money, man.

01:25:50.000 The UFC game was the only game, apparently, that was making good money.

01:25:54.000 Do you know yet?

01:25:55.000 Are you going to be doing the EA games of this yet?

01:25:58.000 I'm sure I'll probably do it. 0.79

01:26:01.000 It's a pain in the dick, but it's worth it in the long run. 0.95

01:26:05.000 The finished product, they're very thorough. 0.99

01:26:09.000 We did so much commentary.

01:26:11.000 You don't get too much repeat words.

01:26:14.000 Like, there's all sorts of different versions of, you know, things that you do and, like, transitions, like arm bar to knee bar, transition from the triangle to the arm bar, like, all that different kind of stuff.

01:26:26.000 Like, we voice them all individually, you know, so it's...

01:26:29.000 There's so many moves you can do.

01:26:32.000 It's really kind of crazy that you look at that thing, that remote control, and you're supposed to be able to figure that out down here and up there and left and push this and push that. 0.99

01:26:43.000 It's a fucking... 0.99

01:26:45.000 It's not that... 1.00

01:26:46.000 You've got to take a lot of time to figure out all the moves that your guy is capable of doing because there's so much shit. 0.96

01:26:53.000 There's so many different submissions and punches and kicks and... 0.99

01:26:57.000 And to know what button is doing what at the exact same moment is fucking hard, man. 0.75

01:27:02.000 There's a lot involved. 0.59

01:27:04.000 Well, now that it's with EA, you need to hold out for more money because they are the big pimps of the video game industry. 0.98

01:27:10.000 Thanks for saying that on the internet where they hear exactly what my fucking plans are now. 1.00

01:27:15.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

01:27:17.000 That's cool, though, because EA does make the best sports games. 1.00

01:27:21.000 EA gets a lot of shit for being the monopoly, like buying out and killing all the small companies and shit like that. 0.99

01:27:28.000 But EA, they do make some fucking kick-ass games, like Tiger Woods Golf, fucking Madden Football. 1.00

01:27:35.000 They own some of the biggest franchises. 0.98

01:27:39.000 I think it's way better for UFC, the video game, in the future, I think.

01:27:44.000 Well, Dana's very excited about it.

01:27:46.000 When he told me about it, he was saying that these guys are the best and they're going to make the best game.

01:27:49.000 It's funny because EA had recently said they were going to have a new MMA game.

01:27:53.000 Right.

01:27:53.000 And, you know, no one knew that it was going to be the UFC. Yeah.

01:27:56.000 But everybody was like, oh, it's probably going to be EA MMA 2. Right.

01:28:00.000 The second version of it.

01:28:01.000 Because they had an EA MMA game with like Fator and...

01:28:04.000 Yeah, I wonder if they're going to use that engine or if they're going to buy out the THQ engine or start to create a new engine.

01:28:10.000 Because that would be interesting if...

01:28:11.000 That's a good point.

01:28:12.000 It might just be a re-stripped MMA game, I wonder. 0.98

01:28:16.000 The EA MMA looked decent, but man, a lot of the fucking fighters did not look like the real fighter. 0.96

01:28:22.000 I think they rushed that game. 0.99

01:28:24.000 They were like, oh shit, we gotta release a game now. 0.99

01:28:27.000 Really? 0.99

01:28:27.000 I think they saw when UFC, all the heat from UFC. Those guys fucking work. 0.99

01:28:35.000 That's the one thing that it really puts in perspective when you hang out with a guy like Cliffy B. You go to the Epic Games studio, like when we went down there, or if you go to THQ and you see the hours that we put in the video game, pretty minuscule. 0.99

01:28:47.000 I mean, I could complain at like six hours of sitting there going, he's rocked!

01:28:51.000 But the reality is that's not a hard job. 0.99

01:28:54.000 But these fucking guys are working long hours every day. 0.99

01:28:58.000 And then, when things don't go well, they just get laid off. 1.00

01:29:03.000 Are we back? 0.84

01:29:04.000 Jesus Christ, ladies and gentlemen, the technology here is just ridiculous. 0.53

01:29:10.000 We had an issue here at the Rogan compound with, at one point in time, the router kept fucking up and I would have to reboot it twice a day.

01:29:23.000 So today we replaced everything and yet the same thing happened.

01:29:27.000 Really?

01:29:27.000 Twice a day?

01:29:28.000 Yeah, sometimes.

01:29:29.000 Sometimes I would have to reboot it twice a day. 1.00

01:29:31.000 Damn, that sucks. 0.99

01:29:32.000 Well, the router was shitting out, so I replaced the router today, and it shit out. 1.00

01:29:37.000 You mean the router they give you, you had replaced? 0.84

01:29:40.000 No, because my house has a system, and there's Ethernet jacks all throughout the house, so you can get online anywhere.

01:29:48.000 When I bought this house, wireless wasn't that big.

01:29:52.000 and then now we set it up wired but so there's in the garage is like a big box that has all this these wires going into it and this giant big ass router that runs everything it's unnecessarily complicated but that's the way you want to have it if you have a house that has you know if you want Ethernet ports in your house you kind of have to have it they all the wires have to go to some why don't you just do wireless you can but it wasn't won't work for the whole house You

01:30:22.000 can get those little repeaters everywhere throughout your house.

01:30:25.000 Yeah, I've never tried that.

01:30:26.000 We have different stations.

01:30:28.000 We have stations throughout the house.

01:30:30.000 I want to make sure that it's a strong signal, too.

01:30:32.000 There's nothing more annoying than a fleeting wireless signal.

01:30:37.000 You've got to sit on the corner of the couch if you want to get it.

01:30:39.000 Like, what? 1.00

01:30:40.000 Get the fuck out of here and fix that shit. 1.00

01:30:42.000 You should just have Time Warner on one side of your house. 1.00

01:30:46.000 You-verse on the other side of your house.

01:30:47.000 I have all of them, so whenever one's down, you'd be like, alright, let's just go into this side of the house and use something else.

01:30:53.000 Or you could test them all out at the same time, see which one's the best. 0.99

01:30:56.000 Yeah, that sounds like a huge pain in the ass. 0.99

01:30:58.000 That sounds like something you would do if you had too much free time. 0.99

01:31:02.000 I would do that, though.

01:31:03.000 I finally get Verizon out here.

01:31:05.000 I get Verizon internet out here too.

01:31:07.000 Fios or whatever it's called?

01:31:08.000 No, I mean on your phone.

01:31:10.000 Oh, right.

01:31:11.000 It works.

01:31:11.000 Verizon updated it for the longest time out here.

01:31:14.000 I couldn't answer a phone call on Verizon.

01:31:16.000 But now I can.

01:31:17.000 Especially if I'm outside.

01:31:18.000 If I'm outside, I'll get confident. 1.00

01:31:19.000 I'll answer the fucking phone. 1.00

01:31:21.000 Damn. 1.00

01:31:21.000 I don't give a fuck, dude. 1.00

01:31:23.000 AT&T has two bars right now. 1.00

01:31:25.000 Yeah, it's good for texting, but for phones, it's pretty ridiculous.

01:31:31.000 Have you heard this thing?

01:31:32.000 I mean, it's on Infowars.com, I think.

01:31:36.000 So it might not be real. 0.94

01:31:39.000 Not that Infowars is all horseshit, but they get a little crazy sometimes.

01:31:42.000 It says 5 million farmers are suing Monsanto for $7.7 billion. 0.75

01:31:49.000 That's pretty incredible.

01:31:53.000 5 million farmers, $7.7 billion.

01:31:58.000 Which is like what they make in a month, probably. 1.00

01:32:01.000 But that's a lot of fucking people. 0.99

01:32:04.000 That's chicken scratch. 1.00

01:32:06.000 Yeah, they say that a farmer commits suicide because of Monsanto on some fucking ridiculous rate. 0.97

01:32:20.000 I'm trying to find it here in the articles, because there was something crazy, like every 30 seconds a farmer commits suicide. 0.96

01:32:26.000 17,683 Indian farmers just in 2009 committed suicide.

01:32:33.000 Whoa! 1.00

01:32:35.000 That shit's ridiculous. 1.00

01:32:37.000 So they're all suing for as much as 6.2 billion euros, 7.7 billion dollars. 1.00

01:32:44.000 I don't even think this is in America this is going on.

01:32:49.000 Oh, suicide every 30 minutes.

01:32:51.000 Wow, that is what it is.

01:32:53.000 It's probably really hard to find red chickens.

01:32:56.000 It's not chickens, it's the seeds, man.

01:32:59.000 They're trying to patent animals, but right now it's mostly seeds that they're selling.

01:33:06.000 They're Terminator seeds.

01:33:08.000 They're only good for a certain amount, and then they don't make seeds that work. 0.97

01:33:12.000 It's really kind of crazy that anybody's ever let them make these fucking horrible, distorted versions of life in the first place. 1.00

01:33:20.000 Fucking creeps. 0.99

01:33:21.000 Did you hear this thing about Pentagon suspects? 1.00

01:33:25.000 Some people in the Pentagon apparently downloaded porn.

01:33:30.000 One, two, three, go. 0.70

01:33:32.000 Some people in the Pentagon that were working there download kiddie porn.

01:33:38.000 It's for research, bro. 0.90

01:33:40.000 Yeah.

01:33:41.000 And there's some investigation, but they won't turn over the records because they say it would compromise national security.

01:33:49.000 So the Pentagon is allowed, the only people in the world, apparently, that are allowed to watch kiddie porn because they can download it and, look, we know what we're doing.

01:33:58.000 Trust us.

01:33:58.000 This is all about the United States government and keeping the peace.

01:34:02.000 And the security of our fine nation. 0.98

01:34:05.000 Can you imagine watching kids get fucked by adults as a part of the security of your fine nation? 0.99

01:34:10.000 And you can't tell... 0.99

01:34:12.000 Why can't you say it's part of a research project where this guy downloaded it or that...

01:34:17.000 You know what they're doing, I bet? 1.00

01:34:20.000 I bet they have some sick fuck that's a child molester. 1.00

01:34:24.000 And they'll give him a little child porn if he gives them a little information. 1.00

01:34:30.000 Yeah.

01:34:31.000 You know, I wonder if child porn is going down lately because of the...

01:34:36.000 Are there trends in child porn?

01:34:38.000 Well, yeah.

01:34:38.000 I mean, you know, like the...

01:34:40.000 Nowadays that the school...

01:34:41.000 I mean, the old thing went with schoolgirls, Japanese schoolgirls. 1.00

01:34:44.000 Okay, wait a minute.

01:34:45.000 This is way crazier than I thought.

01:34:47.000 The Pentagon checked on...

01:34:49.000 Whoa.

01:34:50.000 Pentagon employees suspected of viewing child pornography...

01:34:55.000 What?

01:34:56.000 Okay, this is crazy.

01:34:58.000 In 2006, the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency, which conducts internet pornography investigations, produced a list of 5,200 Pentagon employees suspected of viewing child pornography.

01:35:13.000 5,200 employees.

01:35:18.000 Wow.

01:35:19.000 How many employees are there?

01:35:20.000 I don't know.

01:35:20.000 That's incredible.

01:35:21.000 I wouldn't even thought there were that much.

01:35:23.000 Wait, what website is this?

01:35:25.000 This website that I'm reading right here, boston.com.

01:35:29.000 This is not a conspiracy website at all.

01:35:31.000 This is a real website.

01:35:33.000 Right.

01:35:35.000 The suspected of viewing child pornography and asked the Pentagon to review it, but the Pentagon checked only two-thirds of the names, unearthing roughly 300 defense and intelligence employees who allegedly had viewed child pornography on their work or home computers.

01:35:51.000 The defense investigators failed to check an additional 1,700 names on the list.

01:35:56.000 Defense officials have revealed in correspondence with Senator Charles Grassley, Republican of Iowa.

01:36:03.000 Probably they found out that their systems were hacked, and all these employees didn't look at child porn, and then halfway through searching all of them, they're like, no, we just got hacked.

01:36:12.000 That could be it, and they could not want to bring that up because they don't want to admit they got hacked.

01:36:18.000 Exactly.

01:36:18.000 Very possible.

01:36:20.000 And it was probably some famous goat-seed two-year-old.

01:36:25.000 Pick, you know? 1.00

01:36:26.000 It was probably something stupid like that. 1.00

01:36:27.000 Yeah, that is kind of a crazy number. 1.00

01:36:29.000 Yeah, that seems like every employee.

01:36:31.000 Yeah.

01:36:31.000 Guys, I doubt...

01:36:32.000 I mean, how many employees is there?

01:36:33.000 But, I mean, 5,000 seems pretty big.

01:36:35.000 Well, let's find out how many employees are in the Pentagon.

01:36:39.000 That's a really good point that probably these knuckleheads didn't even think of.

01:36:44.000 Yeah.

01:36:47.000 Well...

01:36:50.000 We have a show tomorrow.

01:36:51.000 Oh yeah, we have a show tomorrow at the Ice House and Friday at the Ice House.

01:36:54.000 Both in the Little Room, so don't sleep.

01:36:58.000 It'll sell out quick.

01:36:59.000 It's only like 85 seats.

01:37:03.000 The Pentagon.

01:37:04.000 How many people? 1.00

01:37:04.000 Come on, bitch. 1.00

01:37:07.000 What? 1.00

01:37:07.000 How many employees? 1.00

01:37:08.000 24,000.

01:37:10.000 24,000.

01:37:11.000 So that's, what is it, 10%?

01:37:13.000 How many?

01:37:13.000 What did we say?

01:37:14.000 5,000.

01:37:15.000 So that's saying one-fifth of the employees are addicted to child points. 1.00

01:37:19.000 So that's, yeah, that's stupid. 1.00

01:37:21.000 It wasn't even 2,400. 1.00

01:37:22.000 You're right, it was 5,000. 0.99

01:37:23.000 Fucking Boston, why don't you talk to Burbank. 1.00

01:37:26.000 That's pretty ridiculous. 1.00

01:37:28.000 I wonder if that is the truth. 0.98

01:37:30.000 I wonder if you nailed it.

01:37:31.000 It's absolutely what it is, and that's why the Pentagon didn't say anything about it.

01:37:34.000 They just realized that they got hacked.

01:37:36.000 Or... 1.00

01:37:36.000 Imagine if the government is just infiltrated by kid fuckers. 1.00

01:37:40.000 And it's just like the Vatican. 1.00

01:37:44.000 Kid fuckers galore. 1.00

01:37:45.000 If you had to imagine how many people in the Vatican got busted for kid fucking. 1.00

01:37:49.000 How many of them... 1.00

01:37:51.000 Okay, look at it. 0.99

01:37:52.000 Vatican child porn. 0.99

01:37:56.000 I mean, there's gotta be something. 0.99

01:37:57.000 There's some scandal. 0.98

01:37:58.000 You can write Vatican child porn and you know you're gonna get some. 0.99

01:38:01.000 There you go! 1.00

01:38:02.000 Vatican fucking Canadian bishop convicted for child pornography. 1.00

01:38:08.000 Boom! 1.00

01:38:08.000 How easy. 1.00

01:38:10.000 So simple.

01:38:13.000 Isn't that amazing that you know that you can look that up?

01:38:15.000 It's so weird. 0.85

01:38:16.000 You can just look up Vatican child porn and there's something. 0.98

01:38:20.000 Some Canadian bishop, they got rid of him. 0.97

01:38:24.000 They booted him out. 0.99

01:38:25.000 So it wasn't that, you know, the Vatican had child porn. 0.98

01:38:31.000 It was that they got rid of a guy who had child porn. 0.90

01:38:34.000 But then there was the whole issue of the guy who was the actual Pope himself, Ratzinger. 1.00

01:38:42.000 Ratzinger, Pope Benedict, whatever the fuck he was. 0.98

01:38:44.000 When he was a bishop or whatever silly name they like to give themselves, whatever the hell he was, he was in charge of following up on cases of child molestation. 0.99

01:38:56.000 And it's clear, clear evidence that he...

01:38:59.000 And he tried to divert the investigation and really slacked off on it and then got rid of the guy.

01:39:09.000 Aided in getting rid of the guy who they were going after.

01:39:13.000 They had all sorts of little things they would do.

01:39:15.000 A guy would get busted banging kids and they would just move him to another place.

01:39:19.000 Like, that's been the standard protocol of the Catholic Church for the longest time.

01:39:23.000 Whenever someone, a cardinal, gets caught and gets in trouble, they just move them to some other place.

01:39:28.000 It's really bizarre, man.

01:39:30.000 It makes you really wonder what it's all about.

01:39:32.000 It makes you really wonder if at the top branch of the Catholic Church, when they're all alone... 1.00

01:39:39.000 Are they just all kid fuckers? 1.00

01:39:41.000 They all bring like a bag and they're all around in a big circle and they empty the bag of their child and it comes out. 1.00

01:39:47.000 Oh god. 0.97

01:39:48.000 What if it's something really fucked up? 0.99

01:39:50.000 Like they kidnap one child a month. 0.96

01:39:52.000 What did you hear about the child that was missing from the...

01:39:55.000 I'll pull up.

01:39:58.000 Child... 1.00

01:39:58.000 Sex... 1.00

01:40:01.000 And then now you are in the Pentagon list. 0.86

01:40:04.000 Wasn't there was a...

01:40:05.000 Okay, here's a child sex investigation.

01:40:08.000 Yeah, this is it. 0.98

01:40:09.000 There was a story where a former bishop said that a girl who turned up missing was taken by the Vatican and they used her as a sex slave and killed her. 0.96

01:40:22.000 Oh my god. 0.97

01:40:23.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:40:25.000 That's so fucking crazy. 0.99

01:40:26.000 Yeah, pretty fucking strange, man. 1.00

01:40:28.000 Religions are fucking crazy. 1.00

01:40:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:34.000 Whenever they look at these things and these probes, they find out how many different reverends were fucked up. 0.97

01:40:40.000 The church previously insisted the crimes of the late Reverend Maciel, M-A-C-I-E-L, were his alone. 0.99

01:40:50.000 He was long held up as a model by Pope John Paul II, despite credible accusations later proven that he raped and molested his seminarians.

01:40:59.000 The Legion of Christ had over 900 priests. 0.76

01:41:03.000 Wow, Jesus Christ, this guy.

01:41:05.000 I don't even want to hear this.

01:41:07.000 He died in 2008. A year later, the Orthodox Order confessed that he had fathered three children with two different women and that he had abused his seminarians.

01:41:19.000 There's an arrogance that a lot of these dudes have when they become priests that they feel like everybody kisses their ass. 0.99

01:41:26.000 Have you ever been to a church? 1.00

01:41:26.000 Have you ever been to a Catholic church? 1.00

01:41:28.000 No.

01:41:28.000 Well, I mean, I've been to one, but I didn't go to one.

01:41:31.000 You know what I mean? 0.90

01:41:31.000 Catholic church is very creepy. 0.90

01:41:33.000 Yeah. 0.86

01:41:33.000 It's very strict. 0.86

01:41:36.000 If you giggle in a Catholic church, they'll smack you in your fucking head. 1.00

01:41:39.000 Fuck that noise. 1.00

01:41:40.000 They don't want kids to be kids in a Catholic church. 1.00

01:41:42.000 It's scary.

01:41:43.000 You go to Baptist churches and everybody's laughing and giggling and little babies are crying.

01:41:48.000 They'll smack a baby in a Catholic church. 0.99

01:41:50.000 Nobody wants little kids crying out in a Catholic church. 0.99

01:41:55.000 It's like a harsh environment, and the priests are, yes, Father, Father, everyone's talking to them, Father, and everyone's real nervous to be around them.

01:42:04.000 Especially the old ones, they have this arrogance about them, which is really strange. 1.00

01:42:09.000 You're just some creepy old queer in a fucking weird outfit. 1.00

01:42:13.000 You can't come out of the closet, and you're You know, spouting off nonsense and everybody's kissing your ass. 1.00

01:42:18.000 So you've gotten confused and you really do believe that you're above everyone else. 1.00

01:42:23.000 Like, they have a weird fucking sense of entitlement. 0.98

01:42:26.000 It's very strange talking to a lot of priests. 0.99

01:42:29.000 Obviously not all of them.

01:42:30.000 A lot of priests.

01:42:31.000 But the one who gave the eulogy for my grandmother's funeral is a perfect example of that.

01:42:37.000 He was, first of all, he had gin blossoms all over his face. 1.00

01:42:40.000 This poor fuck. 1.00

01:42:41.000 You know when they get those broken blood vessels when they get hammered all the time? 1.00

01:42:45.000 Right. 1.00

01:42:45.000 I mean, it's a shit life, man. 1.00

01:42:47.000 Right. 1.00

01:42:47.000 You know, so this fucking dude, his whole face, he was an obvious drunk. 1.00

01:42:51.000 And then, so was the one who married my sister. 1.00

01:42:53.000 Same thing.

01:42:54.000 Gin blossoms all over his face.

01:42:56.000 They look like a mess.

01:42:57.000 They call those Kreischers. 0.96

01:42:58.000 Kreischers? 0.98

01:42:58.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:42:59.000 What, does Burt have those?

01:43:00.000 No, Burt doesn't have those.

01:43:01.000 He gets red now.

01:43:02.000 That's for like old dudes who are like on death's door. 1.00

01:43:06.000 But anyway, my grandmother's name was Josephine.

01:43:09.000 And as they're doing the eulogy, he keeps calling her Geraldine.

01:43:12.000 He calls her Geraldine like three times.

01:43:14.000 And someone steps up and goes, it's Josephine. 0.91

01:43:17.000 Her name was Josephine.

01:43:19.000 And so he just, without missing a beat, Josephine, he doesn't say, my apologies.

01:43:26.000 I mean, this is a bunch of people who are sad because, you know, their mom has died. 0.99

01:43:31.000 And these fucks, you know, this guy's giving, he's just complaining. 0.99

01:43:34.000 Completely phoning this in. 1.00

01:43:36.000 So when he's saying Geraldine, Geraldine, they correct him.

01:43:38.000 Instead of saying, I'm sorry, you know, I made a mistake.

01:43:41.000 Her name was Josephine, not Geraldine.

01:43:44.000 It's my apologies.

01:43:45.000 Instead of that, he just changed it.

01:43:48.000 Geraldine, we here.

01:43:49.000 Anna, Geraldine, who died.

01:43:52.000 Not Geraldine, it's Josephine.

01:43:53.000 Josephine, who died.

01:43:54.000 It's just like phoning it in.

01:43:56.000 Wow.

01:43:56.000 He just said, like, the words and the order, no emotion behind it, no nothing.

01:44:02.000 Good night, everybody.

01:44:03.000 Take it easy.

01:44:04.000 I'm gonna go drink. 1.00

01:44:06.000 No pussy. 1.00

01:44:07.000 No fun. 1.00

01:44:08.000 No riverboat gambling.

01:44:10.000 Just little children's mouths.

01:44:13.000 Suppression. 1.00

01:44:14.000 I wonder how many of them are gay and how many of them are just miserable. 1.00

01:44:16.000 How many of them want to fuck kids? 1.00

01:44:18.000 How many of them want to just shoot themselves in the head? 1.00

01:44:20.000 What are the actual numbers?

01:44:21.000 And I'm sure a few of them are happy.

01:44:23.000 Don't get crazy, Twitter. 1.00

01:44:25.000 That's the thing that people get fucking most angry at me about, is shitting on religion. 1.00

01:44:30.000 Which I think is so hilarious, because I'm only shitting on specific acts that you could attribute them to religion. 1.00

01:44:35.000 But these are human beings that are fucking kids. 0.99

01:44:38.000 Growing up, that religion also makes me... 1.00

01:44:41.000 See, I don't see religion as bad...

01:44:44.000 Because I grew up Lutheran, which is like, I guess, you know, we had a Starbucks and stuff in our church.

01:44:49.000 Lutheran?

01:44:50.000 A Starbucks?

01:44:50.000 Yeah.

01:44:51.000 You had a Starbucks in your church?

01:44:52.000 Well, it was a coffee place like a Starbucks.

01:44:54.000 Really?

01:44:54.000 Yeah, I mean, it was, you know, a lot different than...

01:44:57.000 It's like a social thing, a happy thing.

01:44:58.000 Yeah, it was good.

01:44:59.000 It was positive. 0.99

01:45:00.000 It was like, it was more relaxing and shit like that. 1.00

01:45:04.000 There's none of that shit in the Catholic Church. 1.00

01:45:05.000 Yeah, it wasn't too intense. 1.00

01:45:08.000 Catholic Church is all about guilt. 1.00

01:45:09.000 If you look at, like, if you think about the churches that are involved with the most fucked up accusations, the Catholic Church is at the top of that list. 1.00

01:45:19.000 The top. 0.99

01:45:21.000 And they're also the most suppressive.

01:45:23.000 The most suppressive, the most...

01:45:25.000 Just fill your head with guilt.

01:45:27.000 Guilt and anxiety and suffering and the feeling rather that you are a failure and that you are inadequate and that you will never measure up and you're a sinner in the eyes of God.

01:45:40.000 Didn't have any of that.

01:45:41.000 Oh, Scott, it was horrible.

01:45:43.000 First grade I did a full year of Catholic school and we went to church when I was like six or seven and we went to church on a regular basis all the time and it was hellacious.

01:45:52.000 It was disgusting.

01:45:54.000 It was all like terrible. 1.00

01:45:56.000 All you could think of is every day before school, I'd be like, fuck, I can't believe I have to go to this place. 1.00

01:46:02.000 Just this torturous place to drop off your children where they just glang onto your fucking neck and suck off all your happiness. 1.00

01:46:10.000 Just suck it out of you like a vampire, man. 1.00

01:46:13.000 Really weird. 0.99

01:46:15.000 I remember, I really clearly remember being in the middle of class while the teacher was doing something crazy and they were talking about something crazy. 0.98

01:46:24.000 I was like, you guys are nuts! 0.98

01:46:26.000 Like, how are you even saying this? 1.00

01:46:27.000 Like, listen to what's coming out of your mouth. 0.99

01:46:29.000 This is complete nonsense. 1.00

01:46:32.000 Like, what the fuck are we doing here? 0.99

01:46:35.000 That's kind of weird. 0.99

01:46:36.000 You almost got some kind of weird...

01:46:38.000 I don't know, like some kind of...

01:46:40.000 It's like not being molested, but as a child you were exposed to something that's probably not positive at all as an adult. 1.00

01:46:49.000 Mental molestation and a huge percentage of Catholics go through that shit. 0.99

01:46:53.000 I mean, I've talked to kids who went to Catholic school who didn't have a bad time, but most of them, a good percentage of them, had a gruesome experience. 1.00

01:47:01.000 With the soul sapping, they just suck the life out of you. 1.00

01:47:05.000 And that's why the Catholics are so crazy. 1.00

01:47:08.000 They bounce back. 0.99

01:47:09.000 You know, you can't suppress people.

01:47:10.000 You know, we've talked about this before, that Catholic school girls, girls that like Jenny McCarthy, perfect example.

01:47:16.000 You're talking about how horny she was? 1.00

01:47:17.000 She went to an all-girls Catholic school, man. 1.00

01:47:20.000 All girls Catholic schools produce the best sluts. 1.00

01:47:23.000 Really? 0.99

01:47:24.000 Oh yeah. 0.99

01:47:25.000 They're all fucking locked away. 1.00

01:47:27.000 They have to sprint for Dick as soon as the light turns green. 1.00

01:47:30.000 They don't get to see Dick all day at school and flirt around with them and make friends with them and pass notes in class. 1.00

01:47:36.000 No, all day it's this boiling pot of pussy. 1.00

01:47:39.000 This big boiling mass of estrogen and female hormones and then the light turns green and they run out the door and just dive on a cock like a patriotic soldier on a grenade. 1.00

01:47:53.000 They can't wait to get some dick in them. 1.00

01:47:55.000 This poor fucking girl that I dated in high school, her and her sister were both the biggest pigs. 1.00

01:48:01.000 And they both went to Catholic school. 1.00

01:48:04.000 And then there was another one who was like a prude who went to public school.

01:48:07.000 It was really weird.

01:48:09.000 It was like, for some reason, one of them, they started her off in public school and they just kept her in.

01:48:15.000 But her sister, they had a little money. 0.99

01:48:18.000 Her sister was a couple years younger.

01:48:20.000 So they said, well, we're doing a little better now.

01:48:22.000 We're going to try to put her through Catholic school.

01:48:24.000 And that girl was the girl I dated. 0.95

01:48:26.000 And oh my God, she was a freak. 1.00

01:48:29.000 She was a fucking freak. 1.00

01:48:32.000 She would fuck anybody. 1.00

01:48:34.000 Anybody who tried to fuck her, she would fuck them. 1.00

01:48:36.000 Shoot, this bitch was crazy, man. 1.00

01:48:39.000 I told you, she was a girl where my friend was fingering her in front of my house when I got up in the morning to deliver newspapers. 1.00

01:48:46.000 They were still up from the night before partying, and they're parked in front of my fucking house. 0.99

01:48:52.000 And I slammed my hand on the hood. 0.99

01:48:55.000 I don't remember what I said, something half-witty, but I was like, Jesus Christ.

01:48:59.000 All my expectations for relationships were shattered by my first two girlfriends right away. 1.00

01:49:05.000 Because one of them was a complete slut that could not just leave a dick alone. 1.00

01:49:10.000 A dick was like a kitten with a ball of yarn. 1.00

01:49:13.000 You can't roll a ball of yarn in front of a kitten. 1.00

01:49:15.000 They just fucking paws go up and they dive on that shit. 1.00

01:49:18.000 That's how she was with cock. 1.00

01:49:19.000 And then the other one was like... 0.99

01:49:21.000 Really manipulative.

01:49:22.000 The other one, like, you know, you drive an hour and a half to see her, and she's like, I'm not in the mood.

01:49:26.000 You know, she was, like, really creepy.

01:49:28.000 Like, she wanted to, you know, be the one who always decided what was on TV and always decided what music we were listening to.

01:49:35.000 Yeah, it was a weird, selfish thing. 1.00

01:49:38.000 She grew up an only child, and her mom was kind of a cunt. 1.00

01:49:41.000 And so it wasn't happy. 0.99

01:49:44.000 Her mom was, like, a big woman, and she had a bad opinion of men. 1.00

01:49:47.000 It was a lot of weirdness in that house. 0.99

01:49:50.000 So I got to see Cunty, but pretty and nice, most of the time, just Cunty behavior occasionally, and then super whore. 1.00

01:49:59.000 And so I was like, Jesus Christ, relationships are disastrous. 0.93

01:50:02.000 Right away, the first couple of years of relationships to me was like, what's the point in this? 0.97

01:50:07.000 Not that I was any fucking prize back then either. 0.98

01:50:09.000 I mean, I was completely crazy. 0.97

01:50:11.000 But it's funny how you can have a couple crazy relationships while you're young, and it completely shapes you.

01:50:19.000 That's where you form your opinions of what relationships are like.

01:50:24.000 I've had some relationships as an older man when I got to be in my late 20s and 30. Really nice people.

01:50:35.000 You enjoyed being around them.

01:50:37.000 I didn't even think that was possible when I lived in Boston. 1.00

01:50:40.000 I thought, you know, based on my own personal experience, I was like, this is just some shit you gotta do to get some pussy, and then run away from them as quick as you can. 1.00

01:50:49.000 Go find your friends. 1.00

01:50:50.000 You know, that was my take on it.

01:50:55.000 Plus, if you're trying to do anything else while you're a kid, you don't really have the time for a real relationship.

01:51:01.000 You know, if you're going to high school and you're trying to pursue something, like if you're pursuing a sport or trying to be in a band or anything you're trying to do where you're throwing all of your possible energy at that, your amount of time that you have for relationships is...

01:51:16.000 It's pretty small.

01:51:17.000 I feel that way right now, almost.

01:51:18.000 I was watching that old movie, Howard Stern, Private Parts, and he, in that movie, had a part with his old wife, Beth, where Beth was like...

01:51:27.000 That's not his old wife. 0.96

01:51:28.000 His new wife is Beth.

01:51:29.000 Or what's his old...

01:51:30.000 The girl that he dated before?

01:51:32.000 I don't remember.

01:51:33.000 Allison.

01:51:34.000 Yeah, so Allison was like... 1.00

01:51:35.000 That's creepy that I know that.

01:51:36.000 Yeah, we know his whole...

01:51:38.000 But Allison was like saying, like, yeah, I never have time.

01:51:40.000 You only, you know, have time for your radio show and blah, blah, blah, and everything's... 0.95

01:51:44.000 And I'm thinking, like, shit, you know, that's the same how I feel right now, because I'm putting everything in one basket with doing podcasting and all that crap. 0.98

01:51:52.000 Why do you do that? 0.99

01:51:53.000 Listen, man, you're doing really well now, and you went on the road with Joey Diaz and did stand-up and had a great fucking time. 0.99

01:51:59.000 It's like a little baby. 0.99

01:52:00.000 It's like a little baby.

01:52:01.000 It's like a little project that I'm watching grow and blossom.

01:52:05.000 Nothing wrong with that.

01:52:05.000 And, you know, especially it's interesting when I have people, like, take over.

01:52:09.000 And then I come in the room and I'm like, oh shit, look, the camera's not even on that person. 0.99

01:52:16.000 It's shit like that where it's like... 0.99

01:52:17.000 But the people you haven't taken over are stoned out of their mind. 0.99

01:52:20.000 These are friends that are just helping me out.

01:52:22.000 But that's a good example of where I'm like, I feel like I have to have some kind of quality control.

01:52:31.000 Because that's a little baby that I created.

01:52:34.000 It's like...

01:52:34.000 I totally understand that.

01:52:36.000 I totally understand where you're coming from.

01:52:37.000 I just think you could get there easier for you with less of them.

01:52:42.000 I have.

01:52:43.000 I've been cutting a lot.

01:52:44.000 Good.

01:52:45.000 Good.

01:52:46.000 But on the other hand, we've been doing three Joe Rogan podcasts and two Ice House shows now, so it's like I'm even working harder now.

01:52:51.000 Yeah.

01:52:52.000 Dude, we're killing it, though.

01:52:54.000 I feel too much of an obligation to all those people that we're meeting.

01:52:57.000 Right. 0.99

01:52:58.000 It sounds goofy, and it's really hard to talk about without sounding like you're crazy or you're an egomaniac. 0.95

01:53:06.000 But I feel like this is something bigger than all of us. 0.84

01:53:12.000 I feel like we're the ones who are responsible for broadcasting it, and we're the voices on the podcast. 0.99

01:53:20.000 But this podcast is resonating with so many fucking people. 0.86

01:53:25.000 So many people come to the shows, and it's not just, hey, we really like the show. 0.99

01:53:29.000 It's, you changed my life.

01:53:31.000 It's, this show changed my life.

01:53:32.000 This guy came up to me the other day in Edmonton, and he was telling me how he's much nicer to people now, and he takes the time to tip more and be nicer, and it's changed his whole way of life.

01:53:42.000 He says, I'm more successful now.

01:53:45.000 He goes, I feel better now.

01:53:46.000 I'm happier now.

01:53:47.000 He goes, I never thought that being nicer to people on purpose and then tipping...

01:53:52.000 Like, being nice and generous would make me feel so much better.

01:53:55.000 Yeah.

01:53:55.000 There's been a lot of that, and people are like, dude, you really did save my life.

01:53:58.000 Like, I was in that point in my life where I wanted to kill myself, and you guys really have, like, shook me out of that.

01:54:03.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:54:04.000 Look, I've had moments in my life when I haven't been happy, when I've felt like shit. 0.92

01:54:08.000 And then I have now where I could not be happier. 0.89

01:54:12.000 And when I look at my life...

01:54:14.000 What has changed physically in my body?

01:54:16.000 Well, actually, I've gotten older, so thinking about my past and my history of martial arts and all that, my body should be a mess.

01:54:24.000 I should be in pain all the time.

01:54:26.000 I shouldn't feel better and more happy and vibrant today than before.

01:54:32.000 So why do I? Well, one of the reasons why is because I don't have any negative shit in my life anymore. 0.96

01:54:36.000 I don't have any bad people in my life. 0.95

01:54:38.000 I don't have a bad job.

01:54:39.000 I don't have any negative things.

01:54:40.000 I don't have any things that I'm trying to avoid.

01:54:43.000 And when you don't have anything you're trying to avoid, you have happiness.

01:54:47.000 And it takes a while for people to recognize that there's a direct correlation between your state of mind and your state of existence. 0.98

01:54:55.000 And if you get both of them in line, you get both of them in line, you can have a good fucking life. 0.97

01:55:01.000 You don't have to be rich. 1.00

01:55:02.000 Rich is bullshit. 1.00

01:55:03.000 That's not what's important. 1.00

01:55:04.000 You know what you have to do?

01:55:05.000 You have to have enough money so you don't have to worry.

01:55:07.000 Have enough money so that you can feed yourself, so that you can take care of your family.

01:55:11.000 That's what you need.

01:55:12.000 When you get crazy and you want stacks of money, that's just another form of obsession. 1.00

01:55:18.000 You might as well just be jerking off until you put blisters on your dick. 1.00

01:55:22.000 The key to all this shit is balance. 1.00

01:55:25.000 The key to the whole thing is balance, and it's a constant struggle. 0.99

01:55:29.000 If I slip for a couple weeks, if I don't go in the tank for a couple weeks, if I don't write for a couple weeks, I can go a week without working out.

01:55:38.000 Anytime I do anything where I throw off the balance and I don't do the work that I'm supposed to put in, I feel the difference.

01:55:45.000 I feel less capable when I sit down and write again.

01:55:51.000 I feel less vibrant when I train.

01:55:55.000 I don't feel as good when I go on stage.

01:55:57.000 But that's something I don't hardly ever take a week off of stand-up anymore.

01:56:03.000 I can't. 0.95

01:56:04.000 Even one week, I have to go up and kill it. 1.00

01:56:09.000 I have to go up and throw my new shit out there. 1.00

01:56:13.000 I have to go up and record it and go back and listen to it. 0.98

01:56:15.000 If I don't do that, I feel like I'm wasting something.

01:56:19.000 I feel like I feel like I've been gifted with an incredible opportunity, an incredible moment in time, an incredibly fortunate and fortuitous roll of the dice.

01:56:32.000 And I feel like it's an insult to the gods if you enjoy that, but then you neglect it and you let it rot away when you got it right there.

01:56:41.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.98

01:56:43.000 It's like when I get on stage now, when I'm at my best, And, you know, and I'm killing and people came to see the show and they come out to the show and they say, oh my god, my stomach hurt and it was the funniest shit I ever saw. 0.82

01:56:56.000 Thank you so much. 0.73

01:56:56.000 We had the greatest time. 0.73

01:56:58.000 You know what?

01:56:59.000 One of the things I'm thinking, thank god they had a great time.

01:57:01.000 That's good.

01:57:02.000 Boy, I'm so happy.

01:57:03.000 The next thing I'm thinking is, I gotta keep doing this.

01:57:06.000 Like, I have an obligation.

01:57:08.000 It takes a long time to reach a state of proficiency at something.

01:57:14.000 It takes an even longer time to develop an audience.

01:57:17.000 It takes an even longer time to actually get a message out there that might change the way people think.

01:57:24.000 When you combine all of them together, that's when I say that I think it's bigger than all of us.

01:57:29.000 I feel like it's a...

01:57:31.000 It's something that started and I gotta keep going.

01:57:34.000 There's no way.

01:57:35.000 People say, don't ever stop the podcast.

01:57:36.000 I don't think I can.

01:57:38.000 I don't think it's legal.

01:57:39.000 I don't think the laws of the universe wouldn't allow it.

01:57:42.000 That sounds pretentious, but for real, that's the 100% honest way how I feel about the whole situation. 0.98

01:57:49.000 I feel like we lit a spark and we started something and now we're like the keepers of the flame and everybody adds to this fucking thing. 0.97

01:57:58.000 It's like... 0.97

01:57:58.000 People are constantly tweeting things and sending things and offering suggestions and coming to shows and being enthusiastic and pumping. 0.97

01:58:08.000 You remember when you came to Atlanta when I filmed my special Atlanta? 0.98

01:58:12.000 What the fuck was that like? 0.96

01:58:14.000 Wandering around with all those people, thousands and thousands of people, everybody's friendly, everybody's happy. 0.99

01:58:20.000 There's a very specific vibe to all these shows.

01:58:24.000 And it's something that me and Ari were talking about when we were up in Canada.

01:58:27.000 He goes, wow, the crowd up there was great.

01:58:29.000 And I was like, they were awesome, man. 1.00

01:58:31.000 But when was the last time we had a shit crowd? 0.99

01:58:33.000 It's not happening anymore. 0.99

01:58:35.000 It's like you're getting the same type of people everywhere you go.

01:58:39.000 Do you ever worry about getting a DUI? Sure.

01:58:44.000 That's why I don't drink.

01:58:45.000 No, I know, but just for the point that, like, you can't, is that true that you cannot go to Canada after you have a DUI? Yes.

01:58:52.000 Can you imagine that, though? 0.98

01:58:53.000 Like, for you, yeah, that would be like, hey, no more fucking, you know, that just, you just got a huge job cut or salary cut. 0.99

01:59:01.000 That would suck. 0.98

01:59:02.000 You would have to hire a lawyer to try to get you in, and then you'd have to probably make some restitution. 0.98

01:59:07.000 But they just don't want any douchebags up there. 1.00

01:59:09.000 That's insane. 0.98

01:59:09.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:59:10.000 Yeah, it's insane, but I understand it. 0.84

01:59:12.000 Canada is so fucking nice. 0.94

01:59:14.000 People are so nice up there. 0.99

01:59:16.000 They're insanely inflammatory with their niceness.

01:59:21.000 It's like, Jesus, what are you, real?

01:59:24.000 Slow down.

01:59:24.000 Turn this down.

01:59:25.000 What's going on?

01:59:26.000 You don't even realize it.

01:59:28.000 When you're around, especially big city Americans, it's so rare that you find really outgoing, friendly people.

01:59:39.000 And then you go to somewhere like Calgary or something like that, and everyone's friendly!

01:59:43.000 You go to Vancouver.

01:59:44.000 Everyone's friendly.

01:59:45.000 You know?

01:59:46.000 I mean, a friend of mine was talking about that in a bar.

01:59:48.000 They were doing stand-up in Vancouver.

01:59:51.000 And they were at a bar.

01:59:52.000 And girls were like, hey, where are you from? 0.72

01:59:54.000 And they're like, what?

01:59:55.000 You're talking to us?

01:59:56.000 What's going on?

01:59:56.000 What are you doing?

01:59:57.000 He goes, we thought it was a trick. 0.98

01:59:58.000 Like, there were hookers or something. 1.00

02:00:00.000 Like, girls are just saying hi. 0.98

02:00:01.000 Coming up and saying hi.

02:00:02.000 Girls in America don't do that. 1.00

02:00:04.000 That's rare as fuck. 1.00

02:00:05.000 They're nicer up there, man. 1.00

02:00:06.000 They don't have that conqueror mentality.

02:00:08.000 They don't have this, uh, America! 1.00

02:00:12.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

02:00:14.000 When you're from the best, and you can talk all the shit you want about other empires, but they can all suck America's dick. 1.00

02:00:21.000 There's never been anything like America. 1.00

02:00:24.000 We're lucky, I guess, you want to look at it that way, that we're born here in this crazy machine.

02:00:33.000 But if you look at empires, like the Roman Empire, the Persian Empire, any empires that tried to conquer the world, nobody did nothing like what we're doing.

02:00:43.000 And we're denying that we're an empire.

02:00:45.000 We're right in the middle of it, military presence in over 100 different countries.

02:00:50.000 And we're like, we're just trying to be nice. 0.98

02:00:53.000 When you have that kind of a country and there's so much military power and the whole world kind of like – Think about how many assholes just act like douchebags because their team wins. 1.00

02:01:05.000 You know, like when the Lakers win the championships and dudes are driving down the street, we're number one, bitch! 1.00

02:01:10.000 We're number one, bitch! 1.00

02:01:12.000 And you don't even know the Lakers are playing. 1.00

02:01:14.000 You're like, what the fuck is going on with these people? 0.99

02:01:15.000 They're number one for what? 0.99

02:01:16.000 What happened?

02:01:17.000 Well, they choose the Lakers.

02:01:20.000 They live in LA, so they're number one now.

02:01:23.000 That's what a lot of people are about America being a military power. 0.99

02:01:27.000 There's a lot of fuckheads in this country that act like extra cocky because we're this giant military power. 0.99

02:01:34.000 As if they have anything to do with it. 1.00

02:01:36.000 We're number one, bitch! 1.00

02:01:38.000 We got the bombs, bitch! 1.00

02:01:41.000 I saw Backdraft last night. 1.00

02:01:43.000 Remember that movie?

02:01:43.000 No, you didn't.

02:01:44.000 With Kurt Russell?

02:01:45.000 Yeah, and remember how paranoid you were to open your front door for two weeks? 0.99

02:01:50.000 The whole movie was about fucking Backdrafts. 0.97

02:01:53.000 I remember just sitting there touching my door real quick and spitting on it. 0.99

02:01:57.000 They made a movie about fire going through doorways.

02:02:01.000 Really fast. 0.99

02:02:02.000 Who gives a shit about backdrafts now is what I'm saying. 0.98

02:02:04.000 He's like, I never think about backdrafts. 0.98

02:02:06.000 Yeah, when does that come up?

02:02:08.000 When was your last backdraft? 0.98

02:02:10.000 Fire's scary as fuck, though, man. 0.96

02:02:12.000 It's weird that we got this thing that we control, and we don't even think about it. 0.97

02:02:16.000 It's just, you know, you light it.

02:02:17.000 You know, you can buy it anywhere you go.

02:02:18.000 Think about how irresponsible people are, and then think about the fact that we got fire in our pocket.

02:02:24.000 Yeah, we got fire in our pocket.

02:02:25.000 It's amazing there's not way more fires than there are.

02:02:29.000 I know.

02:02:30.000 Look at this.

02:02:30.000 Fire.

02:02:31.000 We're just sitting around here talking.

02:02:32.000 I got fire.

02:02:34.000 That's crazy.

02:02:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:35.000 We're so stupid. 1.00

02:02:36.000 That can burn a whole city down. 1.00

02:02:39.000 Think how fucking stupid we are in the fact that you could go to a corner drugstore. 1.00

02:02:42.000 Give me ten of those. 1.00

02:02:43.000 Just get ten of them.

02:02:44.000 Go to the liquor store.

02:02:45.000 Give me some lighter fluid.

02:02:46.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:02:47.000 And you can just light shit on fire everywhere. 0.99

02:02:49.000 It's amazing when you really think about the potential for damage with all the shit that we have, how little things actually get damaged. 0.99

02:02:57.000 You know, especially with fire. 0.98

02:02:59.000 Yeah.

02:03:01.000 Have you ever been in a big fire?

02:03:03.000 Were you around when the big brush fires?

02:03:07.000 Did you see any of that?

02:03:08.000 Yeah, I've been here when I lived in Calabasas when I first moved out here.

02:03:12.000 Oh, that's right.

02:03:12.000 Did you ever get evacuated?

02:03:14.000 I remember we were on the road.

02:03:16.000 I think the Real Men of Comedy Tour or something like that.

02:03:19.000 Yeah.

02:03:19.000 The fire was there and my ex-fiancee at the time had to pack up her whole entire apartment because she got evacuated.

02:03:25.000 Yeah, that's right.

02:03:26.000 That's right.

02:03:27.000 I thought it was so bad.

02:03:28.000 I was like, She's just like, where do I go?

02:03:30.000 I have no idea. 0.99

02:03:31.000 I know, that's scary as fuck, man. 0.98

02:03:34.000 I've been evacuated twice. 0.99

02:03:36.000 And where I used to live in Colorado, that burnt down too.

02:03:39.000 Not the house, but that area burnt down too.

02:03:41.000 They lost like Something like hundreds and hundreds of houses.

02:03:45.000 Some insane amount of acreage, too.

02:03:48.000 Got burnt down. 0.99

02:03:49.000 The reality is, once those motherfuckers get started, especially out here, it's so dry out here. 1.00

02:03:55.000 When's all that shit start? 1.00

02:03:56.000 Like right now? 1.00

02:03:57.000 It starts right now.

02:03:57.000 June 1st is the time where we have to have brush clearance.

02:04:00.000 So you're supposed to clear out all the dead shit in the brush. 0.99

02:04:04.000 And, you know, people get fined for that. 0.99

02:04:05.000 It's a big deal. 1.00

02:04:07.000 Because some asshole who doesn't take care of his lawn... 0.99

02:04:09.000 You know, and you let the brush pile up and all of a sudden you've got a really dangerous situation if anything flies and lands on it. 1.00

02:04:17.000 That's what fucks them up.

02:04:18.000 Is these fires, they start and the embers float through the air.

02:04:22.000 And then the embers will land on some dry grass and poof!

02:04:25.000 There's a new fire.

02:04:26.000 And that's the epicenter of a new fire. 1.00

02:04:29.000 And it's just fucking the wind takes that bitch and carries those flames. 1.00

02:04:32.000 And that lights a tree on fire. 0.99

02:04:34.000 And the embers from that fly up and that catches some other area.

02:04:37.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:04:37.000 That's a fucking pain in the ass, man. 1.00

02:04:40.000 It's hard. 1.00

02:04:41.000 They got to circle them and drop water on them and shit. 0.98

02:04:44.000 Have you ever seen them scoop down and get the water? 0.97

02:04:47.000 Yeah, because when there was fires in Burbank, because I also experienced one in Burbank, there was a fire at the Hollywood Mountain two years ago or a year ago.

02:04:55.000 And I guess there's a big water scoop for helicopters on the top of the mountain there.

02:04:58.000 They just sat there and watched them scoop out of a big pool, like a swimming pool almost.

02:05:03.000 When I first came here, there was a big fire in the Hollywood Hills. 0.82

02:05:06.000 It's a fucking really nice area of the Hollywood Hills, and we were watching it from the Virgin Megastore. 0.62

02:05:11.000 There was that little area out front where Wolfgang Puck's... 0.87

02:05:15.000 I don't know if it still is there, but it used to be there.

02:05:17.000 We were sitting there watching these helicopters drop fire on this building.

02:05:22.000 And I just kept thinking, what a strange world we live in where we take something like fire for granted.

02:05:27.000 And here it is, just eating its way through the earth.

02:05:30.000 This energy source.

02:05:31.000 And everybody's freaking out and dropping things on it and trying to stop it.

02:05:35.000 Really inadequate.

02:05:36.000 Really ineffective. 1.00

02:05:37.000 Like, it takes a long time to put out a fucking fire. 1.00

02:05:40.000 They're trying, but they have these giant fucking planes. 0.99

02:05:43.000 They have to go down, scoop up the water, fly over, and poof! 0.99

02:05:47.000 It's like they shoot a little tiny water load on the fire, and then right back to it. 0.98

02:05:51.000 It takes a long fucking time to actually put the fire out. 0.98

02:05:55.000 And most likely some houses are going to get jacked and there's nothing they can do about it. 0.97

02:05:58.000 And all those houses inside of them have electricity. 0.99

02:06:02.000 This other crazy power thing that we totally take for granted is fucking pulsating energy through the wires of the house that powers your internet and powers your fucking lights. 1.00

02:06:13.000 And our life would suck tremendous cock if we didn't have it. 1.00

02:06:19.000 Or it might be completely amazing. 1.00

02:06:21.000 How would it be amazing?

02:06:22.000 Because it would be really quiet.

02:06:23.000 Nothing would be fresh. 0.92

02:06:24.000 More people would have sex. 0.92

02:06:26.000 Hard to get healthy meat. 0.99

02:06:28.000 You have to kill things that day. 1.00

02:06:30.000 That's annoying as fuck. 1.00

02:06:31.000 Imagine if you have to kill fish and animals that day. 1.00

02:06:35.000 That's the only way.

02:06:35.000 Your whole life would be about hunting and gathering.

02:06:37.000 Once you cut out the electricity, it's really difficult to store things.

02:06:41.000 You know, it's hard.

02:06:43.000 You gotta go with cattle, and then you gotta make sure if you kill it, you eat all of it, so you have to...

02:06:48.000 Calculate.

02:06:48.000 How many people are here?

02:06:49.000 Who's working?

02:06:50.000 We're going to make sure everybody's doing their part to get a piece of this animal. 1.00

02:06:53.000 We're going to kill another one tomorrow. 0.95

02:06:55.000 And how long if you lived in a place like California and it was the summertime? 0.99

02:07:01.000 How long does an animal last once you kill it?

02:07:04.000 I'd probably give it 24 hours.

02:07:06.000 You really think?

02:07:07.000 24 hours?

02:07:08.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:07:09.000 I think it would be rotten as fuck in 24 hours, man. 0.99

02:07:12.000 Maybe not. 0.99

02:07:12.000 But in this heat, when it's like 90 degrees outside, I gotta think that animal's gonna be a mess. 0.99

02:07:17.000 Well, if you wrap it up in cum or a leaf or something like that. 0.99

02:07:21.000 Cum? 0.79

02:07:22.000 Is cum the new preservative that you're using? 0.96

02:07:25.000 Well, I tried cumin.

02:07:27.000 It didn't work. 0.99

02:07:28.000 So I was like, let's just try cum. 0.99

02:07:29.000 It sounds like it. 0.99

02:07:31.000 Is Koeman even a preservative?

02:07:33.000 No.

02:07:33.000 It's a spice.

02:07:34.000 That joke didn't make sense. 1.00

02:07:35.000 What the fuck are you saying? 0.99

02:07:37.000 So, tomorrow night, we are live at the Ice House at 8.30. 0.99

02:07:43.000 And who's on the lineup so far?

02:07:46.000 We got Brody Stevens, John Scheiser, Tony Hinchcliffe, Randy Litke, John Scheidemeyers. 0.91

02:07:52.000 Tony's fucking funny, man. 0.95

02:07:53.000 That kid's got some great jokes. 0.99

02:07:55.000 He's really good, man.

02:07:56.000 He's a really good writer.

02:07:58.000 Yeah, he made me laugh.

02:07:59.000 Jeffrey Ross hired him for a reason.

02:08:02.000 How dare he?

02:08:03.000 How dare he try to pretend he wrote those jokes?

02:08:06.000 Yeah, guys, when they're writing, when they're doing, like, roasts and shit like that, that's when, you know, there's a lot of comics that make a good living just doing writing and punch-up, stuff like that.

02:08:17.000 You know what's weird is that I don't even realize this, but, like, two of my good friends, Pete and Tony, who both help us out almost every Ice House Chronicles, they're both from Ohio, and they're like, it's weird that I'm almost, I feel like I'm, like, getting pushed toward them.

02:08:31.000 Yeah, because of the Ohio, they both kind of grew up the same.

02:08:34.000 You all have stunted emotional development.

02:08:37.000 It's amazing.

02:08:38.000 You can all be children forever together.

02:08:42.000 Yeah, it is a weird thing how you sort of like where you grew up.

02:08:47.000 That's sort of how you...

02:08:48.000 You like hanging out with Boston people.

02:08:50.000 You hang out with all these Boston comics.

02:08:52.000 Speaking of which, Bill Burr is doing the podcast next Thursday.

02:08:55.000 Sweet! 0.95

02:08:55.000 So make sure you get up on your RSS feed knowledge. 0.95

02:09:00.000 Right.

02:09:01.000 I love Bill Burr.

02:09:02.000 I love Bill Burr too.

02:09:03.000 I wonder if he's still mad at Stitcher.

02:09:05.000 I doubt it.

02:09:06.000 Have they all given up on that yet?

02:09:08.000 I think they've all come back to Stitcher, or a lot of them have been coming back to Stitcher because they're realizing...

02:09:13.000 Is Carolla on Stitcher?

02:09:14.000 Yeah, he's always been on Stitcher.

02:09:16.000 He's been a Stitcher darling for a long time.

02:09:18.000 But he does his commercials.

02:09:19.000 He does them live, and he does them in the moment.

02:09:23.000 He'll break for commercial in the middle of his podcast, or at several points.

02:09:27.000 Yeah, he does a radio format.

02:09:30.000 So does Toad Hop.

02:09:31.000 So he doesn't have to, like, they don't need to, like, splice in ads on him.

02:09:36.000 You know, his ads get out there no matter what.

02:09:39.000 If Stitcher takes the feed and sends it, his ads get out there.

02:09:42.000 So it's not like Sirius, for example, where our show, when it goes to Sirius, they cut out the fleshlight ad.

02:09:50.000 That's so weird.

02:09:50.000 Every time I hear that, it's so weird.

02:09:53.000 Strange.

02:09:53.000 I'll get, because I'll always have it on either, you know, Stern or OpenAnthene channel.

02:09:56.000 I'll turn on my car and just hear myself talking about it. 0.66

02:09:58.000 It confuses the fuck out of me. 0.92

02:09:59.000 Like, whoa!

02:10:00.000 Yeah, it's weird when you don't expect to hear yourself and you hear yourself.

02:10:04.000 That's really weird.

02:10:05.000 I'm like, that guy sounds like me.

02:10:06.000 Wait, that is me. 1.00

02:10:08.000 Do you sound like an idiot? 1.00

02:10:09.000 Do you listen to yourself and get mad? 1.00

02:10:11.000 The old ones I did.

02:10:16.000 What's changed about you?

02:10:17.000 How have you gotten better at podcasting? 1.00

02:10:20.000 Because I'm not trying to just be as goofy and stupid as possible anymore. 0.99

02:10:24.000 When you do that, it's almost like a girl that's at a party and no one's paying attention to her, so you'll do something nutty. 0.99

02:10:34.000 I was acting like how I act drunk and hanging out with my friends instead of just being like, oh, people are listening to me.

02:10:40.000 I actually talked.

02:10:41.000 You know what I mean?

02:10:42.000 Right.

02:10:43.000 Well, then you had to hear that.

02:10:44.000 Oh, here's something weird that happened to me last night I wanted to talk about.

02:10:48.000 It's kind of the same way. 0.91

02:10:49.000 I had this weird thing happen to me the last two days where I have been giggly and silly and fucking really high energy and really happy.

02:11:01.000 Giggly happy like I was running around poking people with straws last night like a little kid and then and then it just went away and I came back to normal and I was like What was that all about like it almost felt like there was some kind of government up in me It was a way to tune into your frequency It was weird, though, because it was like, have I been going through, like, a long-time depression and that was just, like, a bump out of it, you know, or something like that? 0.71

02:11:27.000 Or have I been, like, you know, lacking something in my head or diet or something like that, and I just had whatever had, like, a normalcy for a while? 0.53

02:11:36.000 Because I felt like I was like, wow, if I felt like this every day, I would fucking... 0.80

02:11:40.000 Love life, you know, like crazy. 0.95

02:11:41.000 You should feel like that every day.

02:11:43.000 Yeah, I guess so, but like how do you even explain that like you can't like rewind like hey can you look at my database?

02:11:49.000 Tell me what was going on there.

02:11:51.000 Well a lot of it is.

02:11:52.000 Yeah, it could have been a lot of different things all at once, but it was unnecessary and came out of nowhere.

02:11:57.000 I mean, but that's probably good.

02:11:58.000 Yeah, it was great, but I don't feel like that right now.

02:12:03.000 You can't always feel like that.

02:12:05.000 It's almost like you want good feelings to just come to you instead of you want to earn them.

02:12:09.000 I haven't felt that in how long. 0.98

02:12:12.000 It was one of those things like, holy shit, man, this is crazy. 0.92

02:12:14.000 I feel like I'm on ecstasy right now for no reason. 0.96

02:12:17.000 You haven't felt like that in a while?

02:12:18.000 I mean, it was weird.

02:12:20.000 It was just, like, it happened last night, and I was just, like, silly and giggly for no reason.

02:12:24.000 Like, I was sober, and I was just running around being crazy.

02:12:29.000 Huh.

02:12:29.000 It was great.

02:12:31.000 So, uh, I'm setting up this new studio, by the by.

02:12:34.000 We're, uh, working on everything right now, so I'm starting, uh...

02:12:37.000 Pricing out equipment and getting everything ready in place.

02:12:42.000 I was going to have a raw cement floor, but I realized that sound-wise...

02:12:46.000 Sound-wise, that would be good.

02:12:47.000 So I'm going to go with...

02:12:49.000 Go with rubber.

02:12:50.000 Rubber?

02:12:50.000 Rubber floor, you know, like where you have in a gym, locker room or something like that.

02:12:54.000 Really?

02:12:54.000 Is that good?

02:12:54.000 That should be fun.

02:12:55.000 It'd be comfortable.

02:12:56.000 It'd be great for sound.

02:12:58.000 Maybe. 1.00

02:12:59.000 I got that shit in my gym. 1.00

02:13:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:13:02.000 That I drop weights on. 1.00

02:13:03.000 Right.

02:13:04.000 That might not be a bad idea. 0.98

02:13:05.000 That way if we drop some phones and shit, they won't get broken. 0.97

02:13:07.000 Right. 0.96

02:13:07.000 I was actually thinking of going with office carpeting. 0.96

02:13:12.000 But that rubber floor might be better.

02:13:14.000 Recycled tire floor. 0.99

02:13:15.000 Although it's a cunt to clean. 0.99

02:13:17.000 Really? 1.00

02:13:18.000 Yeah.

02:13:18.000 It's not fun to clean.

02:13:19.000 So don't be jizzing on my fucking rubber floor. 0.99

02:13:23.000 What about like a floor that they use in like a jiu-jitsu gym, like a racquetball? 0.99

02:13:30.000 Racquetball's hard, hardwood floors.

02:13:32.000 And that's a real echo-y room, a racquetball room.

02:13:35.000 What you want is soft things, where the carpet absorbs And you want to put stuff on the walls, like Corolla's joint.

02:13:42.000 He's got these big cloth ace broadcasting banners that are framed and they absorb.

02:13:51.000 They're framed and it's screen printed or silkscreened onto the cloth and then it's framed.

02:13:58.000 So it's his banner in several different places and that absorbs...

02:14:03.000 But it might actually be cool just to have...

02:14:05.000 I like those soundproof little cone things, you know what I'm saying?

02:14:12.000 Those panels with individual little cones in them, like hundreds of cones.

02:14:16.000 Yeah, egg cartons, exactly. 1.00

02:14:18.000 Put that shit on the wall. 0.99

02:14:20.000 But I'm trying to find, and this is where people out in the Twitterverse can help me. 1.00

02:14:24.000 I'm trying to find what's the best office chairs.

02:14:27.000 These are kind of cool.

02:14:28.000 I like these.

02:14:29.000 These are alright.

02:14:29.000 But when I sit back on them, sometimes...

02:14:31.000 You gotta get those net ones, though, if you want to get the best ones.

02:14:33.000 Are those the best ones? 0.99

02:14:34.000 Those fucking thousand dollar net ones. 0.99

02:14:35.000 Oh, the Ermin, Mailer... 1.00

02:14:36.000 How dare they? 1.00

02:14:38.000 Who the fuck... 1.00

02:14:38.000 How dare they hack the mainframe? 1.00

02:14:40.000 I had to turn it back on because our phone went off.

02:14:43.000 Excuse me, our internet went off.

02:14:45.000 No, I got rid of that feature.

02:14:46.000 Hold on.

02:14:47.000 That's a good feature.

02:14:50.000 Um...

02:14:52.000 This is a super old school podcast.

02:14:54.000 We've had internet connection problems.

02:14:55.000 We've had old phone calls.

02:14:58.000 Yeah, that's as old school as we can get.

02:15:00.000 I just need to talk about Trailer Vixen.

02:15:03.000 Oh, how dare you?

02:15:04.000 How dare you?

02:15:05.000 Can't you let it go, son? 1.00

02:15:07.000 The way you should look at that relationship is that there's no way you should be able to fuck a girl like that in real life. 1.00

02:15:13.000 I have no problems with her. 0.99

02:15:14.000 She's fine.

02:15:15.000 Okay, good.

02:15:16.000 Beautiful.

02:15:16.000 So whatever craziness, you gotta say to yourself, why, of course there was craziness.

02:15:22.000 She was fucking me. 1.00

02:15:23.000 How could she not be crazy? 1.00

02:15:26.000 You gotta look at it that way. 0.94

02:15:27.000 My notes make girls go crazy. 0.93

02:15:29.000 Yeah, you sent her crazy. 1.00

02:15:31.000 And she has to be crazy to be fucking you in the first place. 1.00

02:15:34.000 That's right. 1.00

02:15:35.000 She should be fucking some giant supermodel dude, right? 1.00

02:15:37.000 Crazy. 1.00

02:15:38.000 I can't do websites that good.

02:15:40.000 Is that what it is?

02:15:41.000 How dare you?

02:15:42.000 You're going inside.

02:15:43.000 Inside knowledge for folks at home.

02:15:45.000 This is, again, just like the old podcast.

02:15:46.000 That's just a joke.

02:15:47.000 We were pretending that no one was listening. 0.99

02:15:49.000 That was a fucking million people going, oh, Brian. 0.98

02:15:53.000 We've got to get those oh, Brian t-shirts made. 0.98

02:15:54.000 We keep promising those.

02:15:56.000 Yes.

02:15:58.000 So anybody who has any insight as to what's the best, most comfortable chairs, within reason, I guess probably those gravity chairs from Relax the Back.

02:16:08.000 Those would be kind of dope.

02:16:09.000 You should get all massage chairs from Spencer Gifts.

02:16:12.000 But they make too much noise.

02:16:14.000 You'd be in the middle of a podcast.

02:16:18.000 They'd probably make them say...

02:16:19.000 No, they're not quiet.

02:16:22.000 I mean, they're fairly quiet.

02:16:23.000 What if we get those water massagers where you lay in and your head just sticks out? 1.00

02:16:27.000 That's loud as fuck. 1.00

02:16:27.000 Those things are ridiculous. 1.00

02:16:28.000 You have to have an engine that pushes all that water around, doesn't it? 0.93

02:16:31.000 Like a pump.

02:16:32.000 I don't know.

02:16:32.000 I've never got one of those.

02:16:33.000 It must be. 0.99

02:16:34.000 It must be loud as fuck. 1.00

02:16:35.000 How could it not be? 0.99

02:16:36.000 It's a mechanical thing.

02:16:37.000 Something's spinning around.

02:16:38.000 A lot of movement.

02:16:39.000 You're forcing all that water through.

02:16:42.000 But I think they have some other chairs that are like these gravity chairs that lean back.

02:16:47.000 But I think they're like more than a thousand bucks each.

02:16:51.000 There's got to be something that's like a decent chair that's like comfortable.

02:16:55.000 I don't know if office chairs are the way to go.

02:16:58.000 I love these chairs.

02:16:59.000 You think they're the way to go?

02:17:00.000 These chairs are really good.

02:17:01.000 It seems like office chairs owe for the most support, right?

02:17:04.000 I think office chairs are the way to go.

02:17:06.000 I never, I mean, couches and other kind of chairs always seem like, we've tried almost everything.

02:17:11.000 You know, we started off with couch.

02:17:13.000 Yeah, I think we started off with the couch.

02:17:14.000 That was super whack.

02:17:16.000 Yeah.

02:17:17.000 Then we had some other...

02:17:18.000 Couch seems like it would work, but then it's annoying to sit on the couch.

02:17:22.000 You know what would be the best?

02:17:23.000 I mean, the ultimate best.

02:17:25.000 What's the ultimate?

02:17:26.000 We all had Lazy Boys.

02:17:27.000 That is the ultimate, right?

02:17:29.000 Dude, have you been to a Lazy Boy store? 0.99

02:17:31.000 They've done a lot of good shit with Lazy Boy. 0.96

02:17:34.000 Would that really be the best? 0.99

02:17:36.000 Yeah, we could all have Lazy Boy.

02:17:38.000 I'll have a laptop right on our lap. 1.00

02:17:40.000 Fucking on the side, we have our fucking little places for our drinks. 0.99

02:17:43.000 We could easily do that. 1.00

02:17:44.000 Dude, if we're gonna do it, might as well be most comfortable.

02:17:46.000 How much does a Lazy Boy cost?

02:17:48.000 How much?

02:17:48.000 Let's find out.

02:17:49.000 Dude, Lazy Boys start off probably around $300 even.

02:17:52.000 But, I mean, getting us some Pimp Lazy Boy.

02:17:54.000 Dude, Lazy Boy makes some good couches and everything now.

02:17:58.000 Lazy Boy, wow.

02:17:59.000 $2,584.

02:18:03.000 Go to the Lazy Boy store. 1.00

02:18:05.000 Dude, look at that shit. 1.00

02:18:06.000 No, no, not that. 1.00

02:18:07.000 That's old school Lazy Boy.

02:18:09.000 Go to, I think it's Lazy Boy.

02:18:11.000 Lazy Boy.

02:18:11.000 Yeah, I'm there.

02:18:12.000 I'm there at Lazy Boy.com.

02:18:14.000 It's L-A-Z-Boy.com.

02:18:19.000 If you just got a regular Lazy Boy, it takes you to that one or not.

02:18:23.000 Check out these recliners.

02:18:25.000 Their site's getting crushed.

02:18:28.000 I wonder if it's us.

02:18:30.000 Two people at once was too much.

02:18:32.000 Two people and everybody else online.

02:18:35.000 It was like, yeah, let me open up a separate window here and see what they got.

02:18:40.000 So these, they recline.

02:18:42.000 All these recline, right?

02:18:43.000 Yeah.

02:18:44.000 Lazy boy recliner. 1.00

02:18:46.000 Okay, how much is this bitch right here? 1.00

02:18:48.000 Let's see. 0.99

02:18:49.000 This is in cloth.

02:18:50.000 Should it be cloth or leather?

02:18:51.000 Leather, boo.

02:18:52.000 Leather, boo. 1.00

02:18:53.000 Fuck cows, right? 1.00

02:18:54.000 Fuck cow arms. 1.00

02:18:55.000 By the way, all you silly bitches on my website forum that really think that I'm... 1.00

02:19:00.000 When I say fuck all the animals, that I really want all the animals to die... 1.00

02:19:05.000 I'm talking shit, folks. 1.00

02:19:06.000 Didn't you ever talk shit? 1.00

02:19:08.000 Damn, this website sucks a bag of dicks. 1.00

02:19:11.000 It's only meant for modems. 1.00

02:19:13.000 Yeah, this website is fucking terrible. 1.00

02:19:16.000 It's terrible. 1.00

02:19:17.000 They show their stupid things, and it's like, add to my favorites. 1.00

02:19:20.000 It doesn't tell you about them. 1.00

02:19:23.000 Show me your chair, you fuckheads. 1.00

02:19:26.000 It's a sucky website, lazy boy. 1.00

02:19:28.000 Your website blows. 1.00

02:19:29.000 Dude, get off your ass and get a new website. 1.00

02:19:32.000 Fix it. 1.00

02:19:33.000 All the guys are lazy there.

02:19:37.000 They're just too comfortable to do anything. 1.00

02:19:40.000 You want to be the official chair of Death Squad West, you fuckheads. 1.00

02:19:43.000 You have to come up with something better than this. 0.99

02:19:47.000 Well, they have some good products.

02:19:49.000 They look good. 0.97

02:19:51.000 But the websites suck so hard, it's hard to look at them. 0.93

02:19:54.000 Do you think that's people listening to the podcast that are doing that? 0.98

02:19:58.000 3,000 people or so just go right to lazyboy.com at the same time.

02:20:03.000 It probably is.

02:20:08.000 I'm going to type in Pimp Lazy Boy.

02:20:11.000 Oh, you know there's one. 1.00

02:20:13.000 I want ostrich skin because ostriches are cunts. 1.00

02:20:16.000 Cunty birds. 0.99

02:20:17.000 Whoa, these are dope, dude. 0.99

02:20:19.000 My pimped out lazy boy. 0.88

02:20:20.000 Okay, I just found it. 0.83

02:20:22.000 Look at this, son.

02:20:23.000 Look at this, look at this.

02:20:24.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

02:20:24.000 Have we all got those?

02:20:25.000 Yeah, you can have like a little fucking hose just so you can smoke weed, you know, kind of on the side of that lazy boy. 0.99

02:20:30.000 Rialto Lazy Boy Double Recliner Review. 0.99

02:20:34.000 Ooh, son.

02:20:37.000 That might not be a bad idea.

02:20:39.000 Yeah, and maybe have the table where it comes...

02:20:42.000 Like, we can just, like, pull the table out or something.

02:20:44.000 It's $1,200 for the regular ones, and then $1,900 for the ones that are in leather. 0.70

02:20:51.000 And that thing looks pretty fucking sporty. 0.98

02:20:55.000 Dude, lazy boys, and maybe have... 0.98

02:20:58.000 Wouldn't that be annoying, though, after, like, a couple of hours?

02:21:02.000 Would it get annoying?

02:21:04.000 Laying down?

02:21:06.000 Awesome!

02:21:06.000 You think so?

02:21:07.000 Yeah, dude, Lazy Boys are just like this when you lay back, but just imagine more comfortable.

02:21:11.000 You have your feet up like a gentleman.

02:21:13.000 You think that that would be a good thing for podcast seats, though?

02:21:17.000 It would suck if I got five Lazy Boys and then we decided it blows.

02:21:21.000 Well...

02:21:21.000 And you can't just have one.

02:21:23.000 If it was just like me with a Lazy Boy and everybody else in a regular chair... 1.00

02:21:27.000 Fucking dick. 1.00

02:21:28.000 Invite me over to your place and sit me in a fucking Staples $50 office chair while you got some crazy, lazy boys. 1.00

02:21:35.000 If they suck, we just move to Death Squad East, or whatever it's called. 1.00

02:21:40.000 Well, this one... 0.99

02:21:42.000 This one, yeah, Death Squad East.

02:21:44.000 It's East.

02:21:45.000 This one is $450.

02:21:48.000 That's not bad.

02:21:49.000 That's a cloth one with sides to it.

02:21:52.000 Looks pretty comfortable.

02:21:53.000 I think the only thing that we might run into is people falling asleep if it gets boring. 1.00

02:21:56.000 Oh, those bitches. 1.00

02:21:57.000 They could, right? 1.00

02:21:58.000 Especially with stoners.

02:22:00.000 That could be the issue.

02:22:01.000 Yeah, dude, but I mean, just if you had to ask, would I rather sit down for three hours with your feet up and comfortable or bouncing on this office chair, you know?

02:22:11.000 Yeah, that's true.

02:22:13.000 I mean, if we wanted beds, we could get single beds.

02:22:15.000 Each have a single bed.

02:22:17.000 We could just all lay there.

02:22:18.000 Dude, that's the move. 1.00

02:22:19.000 No, you lazy bitch. 1.00

02:22:21.000 We should stand up. 1.00

02:22:22.000 Dude, we all have our own little blankets.

02:22:23.000 We bring our own pillow.

02:22:25.000 It would be like nap time where we have our little blankets.

02:22:28.000 A little blanket.

02:22:29.000 Yeah.

02:22:30.000 And each person can have their own quilt that fans make.

02:22:34.000 We can have the red band quilt.

02:22:35.000 So we can have conversations like at camp.

02:22:37.000 You're lying in bed and the lights go out.

02:22:39.000 Hey, you guys really think ghosts are real? 0.99

02:22:42.000 Or we get the one where we each have our own fucking number. 0.99

02:22:45.000 What's it? 0.99

02:22:45.000 Tempur-Pedic? 0.99

02:22:46.000 No, the blow one.

02:22:48.000 The air one. 1.00

02:22:49.000 Whatever the fuck it is. 1.00

02:22:51.000 You suck. 1.00

02:22:53.000 The one where the back goes up. 1.00

02:22:54.000 Yeah, the Tempur-Pedics are the ones, the phone, the memory phone.

02:22:57.000 That's the good stuff.

02:22:59.000 The ones that blow the air in it, like you can get it harder or softer, depending on what your number is. 1.00

02:23:04.000 Those suck. 1.00

02:23:05.000 I had one of those. 1.00

02:23:06.000 It sucks. 0.93

02:23:06.000 Well, just get one of the hospital bed ones where we can put it up and we're in a hospital room. 0.93

02:23:12.000 Dude, that would be the move.

02:23:14.000 If we all had hospital beds and we had oxygen just going pumped into us while we're all laying there talking.

02:23:20.000 Yeah.

02:23:23.000 This website is going to keep me from buying a Lazy Boy.

02:23:27.000 No, you need to go to a Lazy Boy store.

02:23:29.000 I think there's one here in Thousand Oaks or something like that.

02:23:33.000 Maybe we get some sort of a deal with Lazy Boy.

02:23:36.000 Well, if you're listening to Lazy Boy, contact us.

02:23:38.000 We'll talk about you. 1.00

02:23:38.000 We'll get you back into the fucking... 1.00

02:23:40.000 We'll blow you back up. 1.00

02:23:41.000 We'll get you in the mix.

02:23:41.000 We'll get a real website designer to call you and call at you.

02:23:46.000 This sack of shit you got going on here where you don't even... 1.00

02:23:49.000 You guys, you silly bitches, you don't even have prices. 1.00

02:23:52.000 Like, there's no prices on your website. 1.00

02:23:55.000 What kind of nonsense is that?

02:23:57.000 Store locator.

02:23:59.000 Store locator.

02:24:00.000 What? 0.99

02:24:00.000 There's a website and you can't buy shit from your website? 0.99

02:24:04.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

02:24:05.000 Oh, it's probably because of shipping. 0.62

02:24:07.000 That's so 2003. Yeah, but you can't even ship kettlebells without it being a headache.

02:24:11.000 Imagine shipping big old lazy boys.

02:24:13.000 Well, we can ship kettlebells without it being a headache. 1.00

02:24:16.000 It's just a pain in the ass. 0.99

02:24:17.000 But there's countries that cost a lot of money. 0.99

02:24:22.000 But there's companies, rather, that ship big stuff.

02:24:26.000 Yeah, like crates companies.

02:24:27.000 Yeah, like Restoration Hardware.

02:24:30.000 They send couches in the mail all the time.

02:24:32.000 Not in the mail.

02:24:33.000 Dropship.

02:24:33.000 They drive them.

02:24:34.000 I wonder if Amazon has lazy boys.

02:24:36.000 They have everything.

02:24:37.000 No, Amazon doesn't have lazy boys. 0.67

02:24:39.000 Yep, they do.

02:24:40.000 What?

02:24:41.000 From a different seller.

02:24:43.000 Let's see how much shipping is for a Lazy Boy.

02:24:47.000 Whoa.

02:24:48.000 Okay.

02:24:48.000 I found it, dude.

02:24:50.000 When you go to Amazon, look at this.

02:24:52.000 Sweat this right here.

02:24:53.000 This professional high-back leather Lazy Boy.

02:24:56.000 Look at this.

02:24:57.000 This is what we need.

02:24:59.000 Dude.

02:25:00.000 Yeah, but there's no leg support.

02:25:03.000 That's the big thing.

02:25:04.000 Oh, so we get those.

02:25:04.000 We get separate leg supports.

02:25:06.000 Well, that's not the same, man.

02:25:08.000 No? 1.00

02:25:09.000 You get a nice-ass, fat, lazy boy. 1.00

02:25:11.000 This one has a leg support. 1.00

02:25:12.000 Look at that.

02:25:15.000 That's not the same thing.

02:25:16.000 I'm talking about the one where the thing comes out of the bottom of the chair and you're pretty much laying down.

02:25:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:25:22.000 Shit's the bomb. 1.00

02:25:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:25:25.000 Lazy boy recliner is what it's called. 1.00

02:25:28.000 Yeah, you really do have to get a recliner, huh?

02:25:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:25:31.000 Yeah, you can't fuck around. 1.00

02:25:32.000 This is pretty sick, though. 1.00

02:25:33.000 This lazy boy chair.

02:25:35.000 The presidential high back swivel chair. 0.98

02:25:38.000 That looks pretty fucking sporty. 0.97

02:25:41.000 That looks cool, too. 0.96

02:25:42.000 That would be like a cool chair to have in there.

02:25:44.000 It's a thousand bucks, man.

02:25:47.000 This one's not a Lazy Boy, but if you go look at this one, it's called the Wickenburg Bonded Leather Rocker Recliner in Brown, where it's just a big old puffy Lazy Boy chair. 0.99

02:25:59.000 That looks fucking comfortable as fuck. 1.00

02:26:00.000 That looks like something you sit in before you suck a cock. 1.00

02:26:04.000 I don't even know what that means. 1.00

02:26:08.000 Which one is that?

02:26:10.000 Oh, look at this one.

02:26:12.000 Coaster Furniture Tritone Burgundy Top Grain Leather Recliner.

02:26:17.000 That right there, man.

02:26:18.000 Oh, it's only got three stars, though.

02:26:20.000 This recliner comes with AIDS. If you had Lazy Boy recliners though, do you think that it would change the overall tone of a podcast and make people too comfortable, lethargic?

02:26:37.000 Man, we keep the receipt.

02:26:39.000 Joey Diaz would fall asleep, man.

02:26:41.000 Well...

02:26:41.000 Let Joey Diaz put his feet up?

02:26:43.000 Listen, dog. 1.00

02:26:44.000 You blame all one fucking Penn and Teller thing? 1.00

02:26:47.000 Fuck Penn and Teller! 1.00

02:26:49.000 Remember how angry he got when we played Penn Jillette's rant? 1.00

02:26:52.000 What are you wasting my time here for?

02:26:54.000 Like, he was angry.

02:26:55.000 Why are you letting somebody talk besides me? 0.91

02:26:58.000 I'm the fat guy around here! 0.73

02:27:02.000 Um... 0.78

02:27:02.000 I can't find, uh... 0.78

02:27:05.000 There's some pretty good ones.

02:27:06.000 It seems like that might be an option, but we have to find a place where we can sit in one of these things.

02:27:12.000 That's funny.

02:27:12.000 It was one place, that chair I looked at, it was $900.

02:27:16.000 In this place, the same chair, lazy boy, presidential chair, $1,500.

02:27:22.000 Bed and pillows.

02:27:24.000 Bed and pillows, you think? 1.00

02:27:25.000 Just get a huge fucking bed, wall to wall. 0.99

02:27:27.000 We all lay down like hippies and we all have our own little beanbag pillows and stuff and we can bring blankets. 0.99

02:27:32.000 I don't think that's the move.

02:27:34.000 Like rave style.

02:27:35.000 I think this is the move.

02:27:37.000 I think this high back presidential office chair is the move. 0.57

02:27:41.000 That looks so sick.

02:27:43.000 How about 12 person hot tub?

02:27:45.000 Dude, but this looks so sick. 0.90

02:27:46.000 This presidential chair looks so dope.

02:27:48.000 It looks comfortable, and a whole studio filled with them, I think that's the perfect compromise.

02:27:55.000 See, that doesn't look comfortable.

02:27:56.000 Are you kidding?

02:27:57.000 That looks super uncomfortable.

02:27:58.000 It looks like one of those stiff chairs where you can't recline back.

02:28:02.000 Yeah, you can.

02:28:02.000 Yeah, it reclines.

02:28:03.000 It leans back.

02:28:05.000 No, that just rocks back.

02:28:06.000 That whole thing's connected.

02:28:07.000 Oh yeah?

02:28:08.000 Yeah.

02:28:08.000 Are you sure?

02:28:09.000 Yeah.

02:28:10.000 Oh, I see what you're saying.

02:28:11.000 It doesn't fold at the joint.

02:28:13.000 Yeah.

02:28:14.000 Yeah.

02:28:14.000 You lean back.

02:28:16.000 Lean back.

02:28:18.000 I don't know, dude.

02:28:19.000 I'm partial to this.

02:28:20.000 I need to try this out somewhere. 0.99

02:28:21.000 I think we just need one of the Silver Bullet trailers, and we pimp that motherfucker out, and then we could have the fucking studio anywhere the fuck we want. 0.99

02:28:30.000 Well, we could have a mobile studio. 0.99

02:28:31.000 It's not a bad idea to also have.

02:28:33.000 Why not just have one of that?

02:28:35.000 Well, because it's not enough space.

02:28:36.000 No.

02:28:37.000 Have you seen the big ones?

02:28:38.000 They're huge!

02:28:38.000 The silver, what are they?

02:28:40.000 The Airstream trailers.

02:28:42.000 Look at this, mother.

02:28:42.000 Look at this.

02:28:43.000 Go to Airstream.com.

02:28:45.000 We could completely give up the idea of a studio and just get a trailer. 1.00

02:28:50.000 Look at these fucking trailers. 0.99

02:28:51.000 These things are fucking amazing. 1.00

02:28:54.000 And you can have this anywhere you want to go. 0.95

02:28:57.000 Like, if you want to go to fucking San Diego, if you want to fucking I do like the idea of having something that you could bring with you, like something that you could tow with you. 0.90

02:29:07.000 But really, if we were going to do that, why would we get a studio? 0.97

02:29:11.000 We could get a studio bus.

02:29:13.000 The right way to do it is to have one of those...

02:29:16.000 Mobile home things?

02:29:18.000 Not a mobile home.

02:29:18.000 What are those called?

02:29:20.000 RVs?

02:29:21.000 Where people travel across the country in those big trucks? 1.00

02:29:23.000 Look at that motherfucker. 1.00

02:29:24.000 That's pretty dope, but it doesn't have a car part. 1.00

02:29:26.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:29:27.000 That's why we get a sweet car to add to it. 1.00

02:29:29.000 Yeah, I guess.

02:29:31.000 How big is it inside of that?

02:29:33.000 Dude, it's humongous.

02:29:34.000 They have all different sizes.

02:29:36.000 They have sizes that you could...

02:29:38.000 People live in these things.

02:29:40.000 Right, but how much does one of those cost?

02:29:42.000 Look at these floor plans. 0.97

02:29:44.000 Wow, these are pretty fucking huge. 0.99

02:29:45.000 Dude. 0.90

02:29:46.000 The dope move would be, dude, to get one of these as a travel thing, and then we go on a tour.

02:29:52.000 We start in Seattle, and we go down Seattle, San Francisco, or Seattle, Portland.

02:29:59.000 Come on. 1.00

02:30:00.000 You could fucking pimp this bitch out. 1.00

02:30:02.000 Like, look at this shit. 1.00

02:30:03.000 That could be our podcast studio. 1.00

02:30:05.000 Yeah, the whole studio.

02:30:06.000 If we gutted this whole thing out, we got it all soundproof, got it high-tech.

02:30:09.000 I know companies that actually do that.

02:30:12.000 Can you imagine, though, if you got a car accident while you're podcasting, how bad that would suck?

02:30:15.000 And who's going to drive? 1.00

02:30:16.000 All our friends are assholes. 1.00

02:30:17.000 Dude, we get your fucking driver, dude. 1.00

02:30:20.000 The guy that buys all the CDs. 1.00

02:30:22.000 Hit that guy? 0.98

02:30:23.000 Hit that guy. 1.00

02:30:24.000 Might not be a bad idea. 0.99

02:30:26.000 I mean, and we can just go anywhere. 0.99

02:30:29.000 So fuck, like, you have a show at the Hollywood Improv, you fucking park this thing right in front. 1.00

02:30:35.000 That would be pretty dope. 1.00

02:30:36.000 Yeah.

02:30:36.000 You grab people.

02:30:37.000 I mean, that's like having a studio anywhere you go.

02:30:39.000 But these things, they're towed.

02:30:41.000 What you really want is one with a steering wheel that drives.

02:30:44.000 Right.

02:30:44.000 You just get a touring coach.

02:30:45.000 The thing about this, though, is if you get towed, if you have one of those that gets towed, then you don't even talk to the guy that's driving.

02:30:53.000 He's just taking you there.

02:30:54.000 You're completely closed off in a whole other area.

02:30:57.000 So you don't have to hear him on the phone.

02:30:59.000 You have to hear him yelling and rushing.

02:31:01.000 That's what I'm talking about.

02:31:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:31:02.000 Big Yeah, big ass one. 1.00

02:31:05.000 We're looking at one that says the Mercedes-Benz one. 0.99

02:31:08.000 What's that called?

02:31:09.000 That's called an interstate touring coach by Airstream.

02:31:14.000 And they also have one called the Interstate, which looks like Airstream's on the same server as your... 1.00

02:31:19.000 That shit's huge. 1.00

02:31:21.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:31:22.000 And I mean, this shit's like a fucking house. 1.00

02:31:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:31:26.000 I need to... 1.00

02:31:26.000 Maybe I should just buy one and sell my car. 1.00

02:31:28.000 There's a smaller one.

02:31:29.000 How much are these things?

02:31:31.000 There's a smaller one you could live in, dude.

02:31:33.000 Look at that.

02:31:33.000 That's a van.

02:31:35.000 Basically, you'd be like...

02:31:36.000 You'd be the creepy van guy.

02:31:38.000 Yeah.

02:31:39.000 That's not bad, dude, because I'm only at home.

02:31:41.000 I just need to put my animals somewhere.

02:31:43.000 Maybe I could get one of those...

02:31:44.000 You don't want to live in a van.

02:31:46.000 Why not?

02:31:47.000 You're having to give up on life.

02:31:50.000 I'm never home.

02:31:52.000 I'm home just to sleep.

02:31:53.000 Well, you should get a secured apartment somewhere.

02:31:56.000 Some safe place where... 1.00

02:31:58.000 I just have too many animals for that shit. 1.00

02:32:00.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:32:00.000 You can't get apartments with a dog. 1.00

02:32:02.000 If anyone in LA wants a fucking cat, I got one for you. 1.00

02:32:07.000 It was one cat that I need to get away with. 1.00

02:32:09.000 The old one, right?

02:32:09.000 Yeah, the old one.

02:32:10.000 That's rude as fuck. 0.99

02:32:10.000 It just doesn't want to be around anybody. 0.99

02:32:13.000 Of course.

02:32:13.000 You brought a dog and another cat involved.

02:32:14.000 I know.

02:32:15.000 It hates those two.

02:32:16.000 You mixed up the cat's life. 1.00

02:32:18.000 Well, the other two are a fucking, like, buddy cop movie. 0.99

02:32:21.000 And they're cool. 0.99

02:32:22.000 Yeah, they're cool together.

02:32:23.000 They love each other.

02:32:24.000 And this one's just like, I hate you guys.

02:32:25.000 Get away from me. 0.51

02:32:26.000 It happens.

02:32:27.000 Those old cats, they don't like new cats.

02:32:28.000 I just want to make it a helicopter and be done with it.

02:32:30.000 Why?

02:32:31.000 Why?

02:32:33.000 I have one cat that's 15 and one cat that's two.

02:32:37.000 I love both of them, though.

02:32:38.000 You have good cats.

02:32:39.000 They're nice cats.

02:32:40.000 They're both cool. 0.76

02:32:41.000 But the two-year-old fucks with the 15-year-old relentlessly. 0.92

02:32:44.000 She's always... 0.99

02:32:45.000 You need to get a small dad for that cat. 0.99

02:32:48.000 A small dog will take care of it.

02:32:50.000 A small dog will buddy-buddy with the nice cat.

02:32:52.000 No. 1.00

02:32:53.000 By the way, don't ever bring your fucking dog over here because my whole family would go crazy for it. 1.00

02:32:58.000 All the girls. 1.00

02:32:58.000 Oh my god, it's so cute. 1.00

02:33:00.000 Oh my god.

02:33:00.000 I'm going to bring it over next time.

02:33:02.000 I'm going to get a nice haircut, get some bows, bring it over.

02:33:05.000 Yeah, if you did, it would be gone.

02:33:06.000 If you wanted to get rid of it, for sure.

02:33:07.000 It really would be gone.

02:33:08.000 There we go.

02:33:09.000 I could probably take it if you really want.

02:33:11.000 Yeah.

02:33:11.000 The girls would go nuts because your dog is so friendly and she's so small.

02:33:16.000 My daughters will go crazy. 1.00

02:33:17.000 How old is your dog?

02:33:18.000 A year and a half.

02:33:19.000 But it's got herpes from your ex-girlfriend, right?

02:33:21.000 No! 1.00

02:33:21.000 No, I sucked all of the herpes right out of that dog. 1.00

02:33:27.000 Cleaned a bullet out of that. 0.56

02:33:28.000 The show has deteriorated drastically ever since we came back. 0.98

02:33:33.000 Sorry about the shit going down earlier, ladies and gentlemen. 0.85

02:33:36.000 We're really going to have to fix our issues here. 0.96

02:33:39.000 But Death Squad West should be up and cracking.

02:33:44.000 I'm trying to get it done.

02:33:47.000 We're in June.

02:33:48.000 I want to get it done before July.

02:33:51.000 We're trying to figure out whether or not we're going to do a big Vegas show at the Mandalay Bay in July.

02:33:56.000 If we do do it, it will be full Death Squad, Ari and Joey, hopefully.

02:34:01.000 And Brian will come down, too.

02:34:03.000 And maybe even Doug Benson.

02:34:05.000 I think Doug's playing poker down then.

02:34:07.000 Because he just asked for tickets the other day.

02:34:10.000 Oh, I'm supposed to come down...

02:34:13.000 I'm doing Doug's podcast.

02:34:15.000 In Vegas.

02:34:15.000 I think that's the same weekend.

02:34:17.000 Let's do that and let's stay for an extra day to do Doug's shit. 0.99

02:34:20.000 Alright, we might do that. 0.99

02:34:21.000 I can't stay an extra day.

02:34:23.000 But we'll get things cracking. 0.98

02:34:25.000 Alright, let's get the fuck out of here. 1.00

02:34:26.000 Let's wrap this bitch up. 1.00

02:34:27.000 So tomorrow night, the Ice House Comedy Club, the second stage, which is only 85 seats. 0.98

02:34:34.000 If you've never been there for those shows, it's the most intimate. 0.96

02:34:37.000 And I got some new shit I'm trying to work out on. 0.87

02:34:39.000 And I'm going to do some question and answer, too, just in... 0.99

02:34:42.000 An effort to try to come up with some new shit. 0.98

02:34:45.000 This is the period of time for me where it's the most nerve-wracking and chaotic because I'm just fucking around and writing a lot. 0.99

02:34:54.000 But it's really fun. 0.82

02:34:55.000 And one of the funnest things about it is doing these Ice House shows because the crowds are so cool. 0.96

02:35:01.000 It's the perfect environment to fuck around and practice and try to stretch out. 0.92

02:35:06.000 Come up with new stuff. 0.99

02:35:07.000 And everybody's really enjoying them.

02:35:09.000 We're going to do them on a regular basis, folks.

02:35:11.000 Most likely Wednesday of every week.

02:35:13.000 And a lot of them are Friday.

02:35:15.000 I'm not going to be at all the Friday ones, but I'm going to be at most of the Wednesday ones.

02:35:19.000 And that's it. 0.98

02:35:21.000 We're rolling, bitches. 1.00

02:35:22.000 We got more coming. 0.99

02:35:25.000 Tomorrow, we're off, because you've got something going on.

02:35:29.000 I'm going to E3, but then we have the Ice House Chronicles tomorrow night.

02:35:32.000 The podcast will start at 8. The show's at 8.30, icehousecomedy.com.

02:35:36.000 Thursday is not John Anthony West.

02:35:41.000 John Anthony West has been moved to Friday.

02:35:43.000 Thursday is now Uriah Faber.

02:35:45.000 So Thursday...

02:35:46.000 Uriah has a really short schedule and he's in town and he's going to do it live. 0.77

02:35:50.000 John Anthony West is going to do it through Skype.

02:35:52.000 It's going to be our first Skype podcast.

02:35:54.000 Video and audio.

02:35:56.000 So he's going to show us pictures and tell us things.

02:35:58.000 So it'll be a little weird for the folks that are just listening, but we'll explain it as best we can.

02:36:03.000 And if you don't know who John Anthony West is, he's one of my personal heroes.

02:36:05.000 He's an Egyptologist, a fascinating, brilliant guy who is the producer of a video series called Magical Egypt, which is one of the most comprehensive video series on ancient Egypt and especially like the hidden symbolism involved in hieroglyphs which is one of the most comprehensive video series on ancient Egypt and especially like the hidden symbolism involved in hieroglyphs and the construction I mean, really amazing, amazing stuff.

02:36:32.000 I can't stress enough.

02:36:34.000 How pumped I am to talk to this guy because he's just an incredible source of information when it comes to Egypt.

02:36:41.000 The guy's been involved in studying it his entire life and he's got just some brilliant work out there.

02:36:46.000 Can't wait to talk to that dude.

02:36:48.000 So that's Uriah Faber on Thursday.

02:36:51.000 John Anthony West is going to be on Friday and I think we got someone on Saturday, dude.

02:36:57.000 Saturday?

02:36:58.000 Yeah, I think something's going on on Saturday.

02:37:01.000 May or may not be happening on Saturday.

02:37:03.000 Like, someone who couldn't do it any other day.

02:37:04.000 I'll let you know as soon as we get out of this podcast. 0.98

02:37:06.000 I'm not sure what the fuck I'm talking about here. 0.98

02:37:08.000 I don't even know what I'm saying. 0.99

02:37:10.000 That Sledgeline stuff. 0.99

02:37:11.000 I'm not sure about this.

02:37:13.000 Might be ruining me.

02:37:15.000 Sledgeline and Alpha Brain together are battling for dominance.

02:37:18.000 Thank you everybody for tuning in to the podcast.

02:37:20.000 Thanks to everybody who came to Edmonton this past weekend. 0.97

02:37:25.000 Ari and I had a great fucking time. 0.95

02:37:27.000 Like I said before, I appreciate the fuck out of it and there's not a moment where I'm taking any of this for granted. 0.99

02:37:34.000 We're going to keep this bitch rolling. 1.00

02:37:36.000 Thanks to The Fleshlight for sponsoring our podcast. 0.98

02:37:39.000 Go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for The Fleshlight, enter in the code name ROGAN, and save yourself 15% off the number one sex toy for men.

02:37:47.000 Thank you also to Onnit.com, makers of Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune, and New Mood.

02:37:54.000 We will have kettlebells and protein powder made out of hemp and raw cocoa and maca coming soon.

02:38:02.000 Got a lot of good stuff on the horizon. 0.99

02:38:04.000 And that's all for today, you dirty bitches. 1.00

02:38:08.000 So we'll see you on Thursday with Uriah Faber, and then Friday will be John Anthony West. 0.94

02:38:13.000 Today, if you're wondering if you're somewhere in the future, and you have just stumbled upon this podcast, it is June 5th, 2012. Would have been better if I said 2000 without slurring.

02:38:24.000 2012. Alright.

02:38:26.000 That's it.

02:38:27.000 Buy a Death Squad shirt.

02:38:28.000 Go buy a Death Squad shirt.

02:38:30.000 Go to DeathSquad.tv.

02:38:31.000 And we got a Mike Maxwell Death Squad shirt.

02:38:33.000 A new one that's coming out. 1.00

02:38:34.000 It's fucking dope. 1.00

02:38:35.000 It's a chimp with a gas mask on it. 1.00

02:38:37.000 It says Death Squad Department of Health and Welfare.

02:38:41.000 Love it.

02:38:43.000 Excellent.

02:38:44.000 We're also going to have those t-shirts that Maxwell made, or excuse me, those posters that Maxwell made for Chicago and Atlanta.

02:38:50.000 We're going to turn those into t-shirts because so many people have been requesting them.

02:38:53.000 And they're really cool posters, and it's available on MikeMaxwellArt.com.

02:38:58.000 Mike will also be there tomorrow night.

02:39:00.000 He's coming down to the Ice House.

02:39:02.000 So that's it, you freaks.

02:39:03.000 We love you.

02:39:05.000 We're all in this together.

02:39:07.000 All of us.

02:39:08.000 As unlikely as it seems, although it makes no sense, we are all part of something much greater than ourselves.

The Joe Rogan Experience - June 06, 2012

Joe Rogan Experience #224 - Brian Redban

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