Joe Rogan Experience #2276 - Felipe Esparza
Episode Stats
Length
2 hours and 43 minutes
Words per Minute
178.76823
Summary
Comedian Arsenio Hall stopped by the pod to reminisce about his days in the 80s and early 90s. They talked about drugs, drugs, and more drugs. It was a fun, light-hearted conversation.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
the Joe Rogan experience train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day good to see you my friend it It's been too long.
00:00:20.000
And I did the show here when you were in L.A.? Yeah.
00:00:37.000
And when I was a young comic, I would see older comics that I would see on television.
00:00:42.000
They would just come hang out at that bar or the patio.
00:00:46.000
Yeah, and you pass by and you say, oh, that's...
00:00:56.000
I used to see her at Dodger Stadium when I worked at Dodger Stadium.
00:01:01.000
And she was just, you know, like, every comic back then, just keep writing.
00:01:09.000
Who's that lady that was on Curb Your Enthusiasm?
00:01:41.000
It might have been, like, Governor's or something like that.
00:01:43.000
I do not remember, but I remember she was very nice.
00:01:46.000
She was very funny, very nice, very encouraging.
00:01:51.000
When you get to work with someone that you see on television and you're just starting out and they're nice to you, that's so valuable.
00:02:17.000
Because, like, from the 70s to the 80s, nobody knew how to dress.
00:02:29.000
I think it was when people started doing cocaine.
00:02:33.000
I think it was the 80s was Miami Vice and cocaine.
00:02:50.000
I mean, if you want an objective analysis of what happens to a society when they remove marijuana and mushrooms and then they bring in cocaine, it's like, hey, you know what?
00:03:06.000
But cocaine brought a Sam Kinison, too, though.
00:03:15.000
I think it's terrible for everybody who does it.
00:03:17.000
But I do think that there's moments of inspired creativity from all kinds of substances, especially that rock and roll cocaine that they used to get, where it was just real, pure cocaine.
00:03:31.000
It didn't have amphetamines and fentanyl in it, all kinds of other shit.
00:03:35.000
None of the stuff you buy, like, and grab and wrap with Iowa.
00:03:38.000
And I should say this as a person who's never tried cocaine.
00:03:46.000
When I was in high school, I had a buddy of mine and his cousin started selling it.
00:03:51.000
And I watched this dude kind of like shrink into himself and lost a ton of weight.
00:03:57.000
And him and his girlfriend, they had this attic apartment.
00:04:00.000
And they would just hang out and do coke and sell coke.
00:04:04.000
And it was like they got bit by a vampire, man.
00:04:11.000
Because when I started stand-up, like I started stand-up like in 94, 93 at an open mic.
00:04:23.000
So I went to a library to learn about writing, Jean Perrette, comedy writing, step by step.
00:04:29.000
Another book called How to Write Funny, Be Funny, and Make Money, Being Funny.
00:04:37.000
I mean, it had comedy clubs locations in the back, and it had booker numbers to submit your comedy.
00:04:47.000
Yeah, well, remember the Comedy USA Industry Guide?
00:04:54.000
Bro, I remember dudes used to take out full-page ads.
00:04:59.000
When a dude would take out a full-page ad in the Comedy USA industry, I'm like, wow, he's got a full-page ad.
00:05:13.000
And I remember this comedian named Shang and Dante.
00:05:19.000
Those guys had a list, like a five-page list of comedy bookers' names, knack a number to call.
00:05:28.000
And the back of the page was, shitty bookers to avoid.
00:05:33.000
And they used to send it to the comics for like 75 bucks.
00:05:42.000
That was like the boom happened in Boston when, like, Stephen Wright got on The Tonight Show.
00:05:52.000
There's a great documentary called When Stand-Up Stood Out.
00:06:06.000
I still say to this day, they're some of the best comics I've ever seen in my life.
00:06:10.000
I've seen them murder harder than anybody I've ever seen in my life.
00:06:14.000
But it was just very regional, very local, and a lot of it didn't translate nationally for some reason.
00:06:22.000
In Boston, in front of a Boston audience, is the funniest guy that's ever lived.
00:06:29.000
He would get, like, Boston accents and Boston attitudes.
00:06:41.000
And they would do that to dudes from out of town.
00:06:43.000
It was the most ruthless, cruel shit they would do at Nick's Comedy Stop.
00:06:50.000
Assassins, these local assassins, and stack them one after the other.
00:06:54.000
It would be Kenny Rogerson, Don Gavin, Steve Sweeney, and then they throw up some headliner.
00:07:01.000
And this poor headliner is used to soft acts on the road.
00:07:05.000
He's used to being known for the guy who was on television.
00:07:07.000
Hey, folks, so I'm Mike, you know, the sitcom, and they try to do stand-up, but they were getting eaten alive.
00:07:22.000
They were big, like, football player-sized, wild, crazy drinkers and partiers.
00:07:30.000
And so because there was this, like, love of comedy in Boston, they had all these comedy nights all over the place where you could make a living.
00:07:37.000
So you could be, like, a half-assed comedian like I was.
00:07:42.000
500 bucks a week, just hustling, just moving around.
00:07:47.000
So there was so many places that you could work and so many like little booking agents and like Like Western Massachusetts, you'd have to go out there.
00:07:58.000
There's these weird towns that are like liberal hideouts.
00:08:08.000
The other place, you got a B from there to pronounce it right.
00:08:20.000
2010, I was doing Last Comic Standing there, and I got there a day early, and I hung out with a Boston comic.
00:08:28.000
I think his uncle is the guy that caught that was missing in action, the Irish gangster.
00:08:39.000
I said, yeah, man, we're performing Worcester, sir.
00:08:49.000
Yeah, you don't want to say, hey, Worcestershire.
00:08:56.000
They're like, that's where the great Doug Stanhope is from.
00:09:03.000
All right, it's February, and by now, 80% of people have probably abandoned their New Year's resolutions.
00:09:10.000
Life can get crazy, and all of a sudden, you don't have the time.
00:09:13.000
But one easy habit to stick with is AG1. It's an easy, realistic habit that you can make to benefit your whole body health.
00:09:21.000
AG1 makes hard-to-get micronutrients easy to get and replaces multiple vitamins and supplements with just one scoop.
00:09:28.000
You just mix it in some cold water, take a nice moment in the morning to do your body.
00:09:34.000
It's not easy to pack this many high-quality ingredients with this much nutrient density, but AG1 makes it happen without added sugars or artificial sweeteners ever.
00:09:45.000
AG1 is a great way to invest in your health now and in the long run, which is why I've partnered with them for so long.
00:09:51.000
Try AG1 and get a free bottle of vitamin D3, K2, and five free AG1 travel packs with your first subscription at drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan.
00:10:02.000
That's a $76 value gift for free when you go to drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan.
00:10:10.000
I had a first comedy album, the one he did with Roaring or something.
00:10:15.000
Oh, the one where he did with music in the background?
00:10:19.000
There was a place like that, a Boston place, but not in a documentary, but Will Durst.
00:10:27.000
He had a room like that called the Comedy Zoo or the zoo.
00:10:33.000
And there's a comedian that came out of there that's a killer comic and he's still alive and he opens for me and he opens for Rob Schneider and Papa and he opens up for a lot of people.
00:10:52.000
But he did Letterman in 1992. And then he did it again in 2006. So he has a record for doing Letterman between 30 years.
00:11:03.000
But he's one of those comics that never left San Francisco.
00:11:07.000
There's a few of those guys that got trapped like that.
00:11:21.000
He was a guy like that, like a really solid national act, but it was so Chicago, he kind of stayed around there mostly.
00:11:29.000
But he was like, every now and then, you'd find towns like that, you had like one murderer that lived in the town.
00:11:46.000
But he lived in Phoenix, and it was somewhere in that area.
00:11:52.000
But for him, it was easier to get around the country that way, and he didn't want to be a part of it.
00:11:57.000
He was one of the first guys that I was like, oh, you could be a big-time comic and not have to leave your state.
00:12:03.000
You could get to a point where you could live in Oklahoma like Larry the Cable Guy does, probably.
00:12:08.000
He lives somewhere like Georgia or something like that?
00:12:31.000
I used to see his face when I go to El Paso comic strip.
00:12:34.000
And all the dudes you're talking about, they were all there.
00:12:37.000
Dude, I remember Josh Wolfe showed me a picture that he took when he was on stage, and they were doing...
00:12:46.000
So Larry the Cable Guy was doing like 60,000 people, and Josh Wolfe's got his camera, and he's moving around on stage.
00:12:52.000
That is the craziest fucking thing I've ever seen.
00:13:00.000
And he was another dude that got hated on for no reason, other than his success.
00:13:07.000
For some reason, everybody couldn't believe that you could say offensive things as a joke in a character all of a sudden.
00:13:17.000
And it coincidentally happened at the same time as him getting super huge.
00:13:26.000
That's crazy how they start hating the character.
00:13:37.000
Greg Gerardo, when I opened for him back in the day, back in Addison Improv, he told me that he would say the nastiest shit, that puppet.
00:13:47.000
And this lady threw shit at the puppet, but not at Otto.
00:13:52.000
Bro, we were talking about it Tuesday night in the green room.
00:13:55.000
We were talking about how that puppet was kind of possessed.
00:14:10.000
But he would get rides to gigs and say, pull over, I gotta check on George.
00:14:17.000
And he would, in the fucking side of the highway, he would pull over, pop the trunk, and check on the dummy.
00:14:36.000
The dummy was saying Puerto Rican jokes to this guy.
00:14:50.000
Whatever you got that you polished down to a point.
00:14:55.000
The Fabulous Mrs. Maisel is about a female comic growing up in the 50s on Amazon.
00:15:06.000
I thought you were saying something in Spanish.
00:15:14.000
I literally thought you were talking about a completely different show.
00:15:17.000
Do you remember the ventriloquist that did a one-minute set on her show?
00:15:21.000
Well, so like Ventriloquist, now it's like, it's one of those things like with Carrot Top, he's like so successful at props that no one does props anymore.
00:15:37.000
There was like 10 guys on a lineup of 20 guys that have props they bring with them on stage.
00:15:47.000
But it's like he owned that for whatever reason.
00:15:51.000
Because Carrot Top got so big using props, he's the only guy that still does it, that he kind of owns that.
00:15:56.000
And then with Jeff Dunham, he got so big at being a ventriloquist.
00:16:02.000
When we were kids, there was always comedy ventriloquists.
00:16:11.000
You'd get the dummy to say fucked up shit, and then you'd go, I can't believe you could say that in front of these nice people.
00:16:17.000
And then George would be like, fuck these people!
00:16:29.000
But with Otto and George, it was a little different, man.
00:16:37.000
I think Otto believed there was something about George that was different than him.
00:16:48.000
And it seemed like there was something going on with that.
00:16:53.000
Fucking fried his brain to the point where he was connecting with, you know, all kinds of energy that wasn't even there.
00:17:18.000
In a comics comic, we would all sit in the back of the room to watch when he was on stage.
00:17:25.000
That are like real genius, but they're real eccentric.
00:17:29.000
And for whatever reason, the general public doesn't find out about them.
00:17:33.000
There's not like a good vehicle, at least back then there wasn't, for them to get out to the general public.
00:17:39.000
Like today, I would say an example of that is like Brian Holtzman.
00:17:49.000
He was always the guy that at the end of the night, especially if something fucked up happened, like there was a plane crash, like someone got eaten by a lion.
00:17:57.000
That's funny because you mentioned a plane crash because I was there when he did that joke.
00:18:04.000
He said American Airlines is hiring And then he said I remember Who survived that airline And he said, fuck that.
00:18:20.000
Everybody says, how come they don't build a plane out of the black box or sit me next to the black box?
00:18:32.000
Yeah, a baby survived an airline at the flight one time and he said, I want to hold that baby.
00:18:42.000
Because if a baby survives, I'm going to survive.
00:18:48.000
My favorite one was when Susan Smith got arrested for drowning her kids.
00:18:55.000
I heard they sat that close to the TV. They didn't put away their blocks.
00:19:01.000
The fun thing about Brian is if you know him, like in real life, he's like the sweetest guy on earth.
00:19:07.000
He's such a sweetheart of a guy, like super friendly to everybody, loves everybody.
00:19:16.000
And then he gets on stage and it's like he becomes like his version of George.
00:19:31.000
Because we were doing the Latino Laugh Festival.
00:19:34.000
And he was the only non-Latino on the show, him and Darren Carter.
00:19:42.000
Johnny Sanchez pronounces his name like an American and somebody yelled out, it's Sanchez, fucker!
00:19:53.000
And then somebody said, no, it's Sanchez with five A's.
00:19:59.000
He got heckled for saying his name in a non-Mexican way?
00:20:07.000
And Brian Holtzman goes up there and he said, He goes, this is not a comedy show.
00:20:14.000
I go, Border Patrol's gonna come in here and take care of everybody.
00:20:17.000
But this is after we were doing this taping, the taping Mencia shows up, does a guest spot on our taping, and goes long, really long.
00:20:39.000
So then that's when Barry Holstein goes up and murders it.
00:20:43.000
He goes, man, I gotta figure out how to, how to, this immigration problem, man.
00:20:46.000
We got a bunch of U-Haul trucks, U-Haul trucks.
00:21:08.000
But it's also like he's playing this bizarre, psychotic character that only comes out when he's on stage.
00:21:25.000
Because, like I was saying, there's not a path for those guys.
00:21:35.000
He belonged at the store, and now he's found a crowd at the Mothership.
00:21:40.000
His shows at the Mothership, they're all sold out.
00:21:44.000
People come to see him, and he didn't have a path before.
00:21:56.000
If anybody is way funnier in the room, it's Brian Holtzman.
00:22:00.000
The discomfort, the weirdness, and the way he works around it when you're in the room is so fun.
00:22:12.000
It's really like he channels this fucking character.
00:22:18.000
He should be Brian Holtzman, the super nice guy, and then whatever the fuck his name is when he's on stage.
00:22:31.000
Someone has one of the lineups that they got from Jeff Scott on the lineup.
00:22:37.000
It's got everybody's name and then, you know, 15 minutes and then it says Fat Baby.
00:22:53.000
I was bummed out one time because, you know, you have to go back and forth, back and forth until they make you a regular.
00:23:03.000
And one time, Jay Masada, he told me, I don't see you making it, man, for another six to eight years.
00:23:09.000
And then when I finally got last coming standing, I looked at him and said, Jamie, your advice was full of shit.
00:23:22.000
You know, you get bummed out, like you realize you put in all this work and it's like, you know, you can't be a regular here.
00:23:30.000
I talked to Brad Williams, and he said, fuck that advice, bro.
00:23:38.000
He said, he told me that I should get all the little people I can find in Hollywood.
00:23:44.000
All the little midges, all the little persons, and bring them to the Laugh Factory.
00:23:49.000
And Jamie said, you can have the biggest little person show in all of Hollywood.
00:23:57.000
So then I thought I was not feeling so bad after that.
00:24:00.000
Then I talked to Alonzo Bowden and he told Alonzo Bowden that he should put on shoulder pads and be a football comic.
00:24:12.000
So Joe, after hearing that, I didn't want to cry anymore.
00:24:21.000
I think he was giving this advice to Todd Parker, who was telling him, it was either Todd Parker or Robbie Prince, two guys that I knew from Boston.
00:24:31.000
One of them was telling him, I think it's Todd, you've got to be Generation X guy.
00:24:39.000
So from Generation X, this is how I see the world, buddy.
00:24:47.000
He was like, that's the worst advice I've ever heard in my life.
00:24:57.000
But no one knows how to do it other than you, and you've got to figure it out.
00:25:04.000
Like, who would have told Mitch Hedberg, wear sunglasses and sometimes turn your back to the crowd?
00:25:11.000
Mitch Hedberg would be killing with his back to the crowd high on heroin.
00:25:24.000
I didn't know him well, but I knew him enough that it was a bummer.
00:25:33.000
Filming something, and we found out that he had gangrene.
00:25:40.000
You're like, yo, gangrene fucking kills people.
00:25:55.000
I did heroin one time, but I didn't show it up.
00:26:01.000
Dude, it doesn't seem like anybody has a great old time with the rest of their life once they start doing heroin.
00:26:09.000
I think there's probably moments of brilliance that have come out of heroin, though.
00:26:14.000
I definitely do when I think about 1960s music.
00:26:18.000
I think heroin and LSD affected a lot of rock and roll in the 1960s.
00:26:33.000
Like, everybody always, it always ruins everything.
00:26:37.000
Everybody, like, put Morrison, 27, Hendrix, 27. Although there is a wild conspiracy about Hendrix.
00:26:49.000
The conspiracy, there was one of his bodyguards, right?
00:26:57.000
I think he died of his asphyxiation from throwing up, you know, which is one thing that can happen to people that are doing drugs.
00:27:05.000
But the bodyguard, I believe this, don't hold me to this, but I believe the story was Hendrix was going to leave his manager.
00:27:18.000
And his manager was making a lot of money with Hendrix.
00:27:24.000
He's got the rights to the Hendrix catalog and he kills Hendrix.
00:27:30.000
So the thing that's compelling about this is shortly after this, his girlfriend committed suicide, air quotes, by being thrown off a roof.
00:27:40.000
So they got rid of Hendrix and they got rid of his girlfriend, if that's what really happened.
00:27:45.000
So he was the benefactor, allegedly, of the guitarist's $2 million life insurance policy.
00:27:55.000
Okay, worth around $1.2 million in 1970. According to Wright, Jeffrey told him about the crime in 1971, a year after the 27-year-old Hendricks was found dead in a London hotel.
00:28:08.000
Wright claims the manager said, you understand, don't you?
00:28:14.000
We went round to his hotel room, got a handful of pills, stuffed them into his mouth, then poured a few bottles of red wine deep into his windpipe.
00:28:24.000
Hendricks was found dead at the Samarkand Hotel on 18th of September 1970. The cause of death was recorded as barbiturate intoxication and inhalation of vomit.
00:28:37.000
I can still hear the conversation Wright wrote of Jeffrey's confession.
00:28:42.000
See the man I'd known for so much of my life, his face pale, hand clutching at his glass in sudden rage.
00:28:49.000
Hendricks' manager died in a plane crash in 73. So this guy's dead that supposedly did this.
00:29:01.000
If there was a lot of money to be made, scary people moved in, and it became a real problem.
00:29:08.000
Gangsters own a lot of stuff that a lot of people wouldn't want to own, like a gay club.
00:29:22.000
People like to throw around all these red flags, you know, things someone says or does that you don't like, which is fine.
00:29:28.000
But instead of focusing on the negative all the time, why don't we focus on the positive?
00:29:34.000
If you're looking for a romantic partner, think about what traits you like to see in a person.
00:29:39.000
If you like to work out and stay in shape, you might want to find someone who's also health conscious.
00:29:43.000
Or if you like to travel, you probably want to find someone who's just as adventurous.
00:29:49.000
Now, once you're in a relationship, it's a whole different ballgame, and things aren't always going to be perfect.
00:29:57.000
Therapy is an excellent way to work through any problems, even the small ones.
00:30:00.000
Like, say you and a loved one have been fighting a lot lately, but you still really want to make things work.
00:30:07.000
It can help you identify the problem and teach you positive ways to address it.
00:30:11.000
If you're new to therapy or want to try something different, BetterHelp is a great place to start.
00:30:17.000
It's convenient and affordable since everything is done online.
00:30:21.000
It's already helped over 5 million people worldwide connect with a credentialed therapist.
00:30:30.000
Visit BetterHelp.com to get 10% off your first month.
00:30:43.000
But if you want to talk about something like that, would a manager kill a client for a life insurance policy back then?
00:31:01.000
And I asked my mom, how come you don't like fucking Elvis?
00:31:04.000
Oh, because Elvis said that I'd rather have kids with dogs than a Mexican woman.
00:31:14.000
Then I found out later on when I went in a rabbit hole, it was a colonel.
00:31:21.000
Because he wanted to keep him in America and not tour anywhere.
00:31:29.000
By the way, that Tom Hanks performance is fucking fantastic.
00:31:34.000
In that Elvis movie, where he plays the Colonel?
00:31:36.000
You know, when you see it, you appreciate how a guy can really become a different person.
00:31:42.000
He becomes this creepy manager guy, this manipulative, gambling, creepy manager guy.
00:31:55.000
But you really got a sense of the relationship that Elvis had with this dude.
00:32:02.000
There's famous, and then there's Elvis famous in the 1960s, and you don't even understand what that means.
00:32:14.000
Imagine walking into a room, you just go, you want to kiss?
00:32:18.000
Just imagine just trying to navigate life as a human being, and you're literally the most desired person.
00:32:30.000
People scream and they cheer and they run at you.
00:32:34.000
And there's never been someone like that before.
00:32:36.000
Because this is the first time you've seen a guy on television.
00:32:48.000
You never had a pop star on TV shaking his hips like he's fucking?
00:32:55.000
I think they did something where they were upset at him because they didn't know he was going to do it.
00:33:01.000
I think it was like, I think he was actually going to get fined in some places.
00:33:05.000
Like, you weren't allowed to shake your hips like that.
00:33:12.000
This is one video or picture of Elvis that I like, besides the one you have here.
00:33:19.000
He's playing outside, an outside event, and he's wearing all black, and he's fucking young as hell, and the pompadour looking good, the blue eyes are shiny, and he's like, bro.
00:33:34.000
So he's like this one guy that becomes way more famous than any entertainer ever.
00:33:40.000
And then he's got an evil manager, and then he's doing pills, and then he's just living in paranoia, and the whole world don't make any sense.
00:33:51.000
You have no one around you that's like you, no one around you that can understand you, and you're being protected by some guy who's, like, siphoning money from you.
00:34:02.000
Like, he'll do, like, a two-hour show and then leave, go do another two-hour show somewhere else?
00:34:07.000
Well, I think he got into a financial bind, right?
00:34:16.000
Bro, the Vegas residency is probably convenient because you don't have to go anywhere.
00:34:24.000
Like, Carrot Top seems to like it, but I don't think I could do that.
00:34:28.000
Bro, if you're a musician, though, like Elvis, it's great.
00:34:40.000
I lose my mind being in the same place seven days a week, 14 shows.
00:34:45.000
The people that live outside of Vegas love it, though.
00:34:47.000
If you live in Henderson or some of those places, they're very, very nice places.
00:34:52.000
But you're still connected to this place where people go to get psychotic.
00:35:19.000
People go there specifically like, we're gonna go to Vegas!
00:35:23.000
It's like, it's in the title of the state means craziness.
00:35:28.000
Every day, probably like 50,000 people show up.
00:35:33.000
And then you got rodeos coming into town and UFC fights coming into town and fucking concerts.
00:35:48.000
So this is Ed Sullivan Show, 1956. This is the first time his hips show up on the screen?
00:36:02.000
After this aired, they said they wouldn't air him from the waist down anymore.
00:36:13.000
Look, his big old dick keeps slapping at his jacket.
00:36:20.000
Look at that jacket popping up and down from his big old Elvis dick.
00:36:53.000
These are the two case studies in people that got too famous.
00:36:57.000
But sometimes I wonder, man, how would I handle that much success at that early age?
00:37:09.000
I would've been sitting with a big fucking cold sore.
00:37:18.000
Mine was like that little mountain guy on The Price is Right.
00:37:32.000
Hanging around at El Compadre's too long with Joey Diaz.
00:37:38.000
64 years ago today, more than 60 million people watched Elvis Presley perform on The Ed Sullivan Show.
00:37:49.000
And that's why losing control of that is so devastating to mainstream media.
00:37:56.000
When I was a kid, there was three channels, dude.
00:38:02.000
And then all of a sudden there was Fox, and we were crazy.
00:38:06.000
You had local channels too, though, in your neighborhood?
00:38:19.000
You have to realize how nuts the world was when everything you watched on television was just television.
00:38:33.000
You got The Simpsons, Married with Children came on that channel.
00:38:38.000
In Living Color, changed the whole feeling of what a channel was.
00:38:43.000
It's crazy that Fox is now connected to conservative Republicans reporting the news.
00:38:49.000
But it's like Fox, when we were kids, was married with children.
00:38:57.000
There was a bunch of fun shows that were on Fox.
00:39:03.000
Yeah, but In Living Color, to this day, I say, is one of...
00:39:09.000
Like, Saturday Night Live always gets it for longevity, because it's crazy.
00:39:14.000
ACTV. But for, like, pure funny, for me, it's like In Living Color and Chappelle's show.
00:39:20.000
And I feel like you don't get Chappelle's show unless you have In Living Color first.
00:39:27.000
I feel like In Living Color broke open the door for chaotic sketches that were, like, really funny, man.
00:39:39.000
In living color that if you tried to do like in the height of wokeness like three or four years ago, bro, they would fucking call for your censorship.
00:39:50.000
Especially when Damon Wayans and David Languier were doing men on film.
00:39:54.000
There's an episode where fucking the camera falls.
00:39:59.000
Yeah, the camera falls on Damon Wayans and he becomes heterosexual all of a sudden.
00:40:31.000
Dude, this show was wildly offensive, but so funny.
00:40:38.000
Even Fire Marshal Bill, bro, you're making fun of a fire victim.
00:41:06.000
When you find out that she's a trans person and the dick comes out and everybody starts throwing up.
00:41:26.000
So even if she had a dick, there's a lot of guys who'd be like, listen, nobody needs to know about that dick.
00:41:36.000
I just looked at it and went, wow, that's a big-ass skin tag you got right there.
00:41:44.000
Yeah, all those shows, like, I mean, what are the other great sketch shows?
00:41:52.000
Mad TV. There were some bangers on Mad TV. But it's another show that's like...
00:42:02.000
You know, I was a Kids in the Hall fan, but I didn't really start watching it, like, really get into it until after I'd met Dave.
00:42:11.000
Like, I didn't know much about Kids in the Hall.
00:42:15.000
I knew everybody said it was funny, but I don't think I'd ever even watched a sketch.
00:42:18.000
And then I became friends with Dave doing news radio.
00:42:24.000
I was like, oh, that guy had a very unique, or still does, have a very, very unique sense of humor.
00:42:30.000
He rewrote, like, I don't know what percentage, 40% of, like, the lines on news radio, like, on the set.
00:42:39.000
And he was always, like, coming up with a better way to do something.
00:42:48.000
That's a totally different thing, man, when you're making sketches.
00:42:51.000
To be able to do that and do a lot of really funny scenarios that are unique, that's a very...
00:42:59.000
It's hard to write the stand-up because we want to end it, huh?
00:43:03.000
Well, it's a totally different way of thinking.
00:43:08.000
That, to this day, the problem with that show is it's got this amazing core fan base, but...
00:43:16.000
It's way funnier than the amount of people that have seen it.
00:43:21.000
It's way funnier, which is crazy because Shane Gillis is one of the biggest comics in the world.
00:43:30.000
But yet, people don't realize how good Gillian Keyes is.
00:43:34.000
There's the one where they do the OnlyFans dad.
00:43:36.000
It's one of the hardest I've ever laughed in my fucking life.
00:43:42.000
It's so funny and so crazy, and because no one's telling them what to do, they're just doing what's funny.
00:43:50.000
There were so many fucking nannies around everybody, telling everybody what you can and can't say, and so many subjects you can and can't cover.
00:43:58.000
You gotta stay out of the way, just like the managers in the early days.
00:44:05.000
Braids, bro, with beads, and you talk about the beads when you're on stage.
00:44:12.000
I remember one time, bro, they told me to wear a suit, and I wear it, and I saw Joe Diaz wearing a suit, and I said, bro, you look ridiculous, huh?
00:44:25.000
Suits are a weird move, but they're sometimes fun.
00:44:32.000
Do you feel like you're going to change your posture?
00:44:35.000
No, you just feel like more of a motherfucking professional.
00:44:45.000
The kind, like, modern suits, you can move in them.
00:44:48.000
Like, they have, like, stretch to them, which is different than, you know, when I was a kid and I thought of suits, I thought of, like, you're handcuffed.
00:44:56.000
Like, you can't kick someone with fucking suit pants on.
00:45:10.000
Especially if you're a bigger person, you know if you lift weights or something like that if you have muscles The everything's gonna be constricted and tight and all fucked up.
00:45:19.000
It's not gonna fit good So suits now if you get a good one like I got mine made by David August They do them for the UFC and yeah, I've had to make a bunch of suits for me.
00:45:28.000
They're they're amazing They do it to your actual shape.
00:45:32.000
I mean, I don't make fun of the other guys, but you're you're announcing You know you're a big muscle guy, but it doesn't look like you're coming out of that suit when you wear it looks real good on you Yeah, it's because they make it to your shape.
00:45:56.000
You know, a lot of those dudes are bigger than me anyway.
00:46:00.000
There's a certain size that you get, like if you put the rock in a suit, it still looks ridiculous.
00:46:04.000
It's like, what the fuck are you made out of, dude?
00:46:07.000
First time I met him backstage at the UFC, and he had cowboy boots on, right?
00:46:16.000
Like when you meet him in real life, you're like, what the fuck are you?
00:46:30.000
We all fucking lifted weights together, hung out, got in the sauna, Shane Gillis.
00:46:35.000
We were all just chilling with The Rock, working out with him.
00:46:51.000
I was in the airplane at the Delta, and I saw Jason Mamoa.
00:47:09.000
And then I didn't know that we were sitting almost close together on the airplane.
00:47:16.000
And then I felt like I creeped them out again, man.
00:47:19.000
And then my wife was recording him, bro, recording him.
00:47:30.000
I met him in a Whole Foods parking lot in Woodland Hills.
00:47:32.000
I was going to pick up some groceries, and he was there too.
00:47:37.000
I think that was before he did Conan, which I still say to this day, the movie's not good.
00:47:44.000
Like, the Conan movie, it kind of falls apart, but...
00:47:47.000
The way it looked was amazing, and he played Conan, and he's the perfect Conan.
00:47:51.000
Like, that's what Conan would have looked like.
00:47:55.000
No disrespect to Arnold, because he looked amazing.
00:47:57.000
But it's like Conan was just a big giant warrior.
00:48:00.000
And when he played that guy, what was the guy he played on Game of Thrones?
00:48:12.000
Someone needs to do a good Conan the Barbarian movie.
00:48:20.000
It's this super depressed dude in like the 1930s.
00:48:48.000
That's a guy throwing a sword around his whole life and fighting off dragons.
00:49:01.000
I mean, the guy's still capable of playing this character.
00:49:09.000
Quentin, if you're hearing me, please read the books.
00:49:12.000
Quentin Tarantino doing Conan would be the most epic thing of all time.
00:49:20.000
If he was into it, he would have to be into it.
00:49:32.000
It'll be like the ending of the movie in the beginning and confuse us.
00:49:37.000
The books are great, man, because it's all from the mind of this tortured, depressed dude who winds up killing himself.
00:49:45.000
It'll be the first time that you see a Conan movie with everybody saying the N-word over and over.
00:49:53.000
I think if you want to do it right, they'll make one up.
00:49:56.000
I think if they really wanted to do it right, they should probably do it the way Mel Gibson did Apocalypto.
00:50:06.000
Hearing the people say it, and the same thing he did with The Passion of the Christ.
00:50:14.000
Like, they spoke in the language, so you were transmitted exactly how these people were sent.
00:50:27.000
It is a blockbuster movie that is a wild action-adventure movie.
00:50:35.000
There's something about being sucked into hearing the actual language of the people that would be doing this that's so much better than...
00:50:41.000
Because whenever they do Game of Thrones or something like that in another country, all of a sudden everybody has an English accent.
00:50:49.000
Instead of talking like an American, you can't talk like us because that would just throw people off.
00:50:53.000
So you have to have some sort of a proper way of speaking.
00:51:02.000
But the Latin accent, the whatever Latin language.
00:51:12.000
You don't even know what the language is, but you're fucking scared.
00:51:15.000
You can't have the devil going, hey, you fucking piece of shit.
00:51:34.000
His voice that was so easy to make fun of, and he fucking murdered everybody.
00:51:38.000
It was almost like he was begging you to make fun of his voice.
00:51:52.000
You're like, to someone that doesn't know you personally, you're like, try me.
00:51:59.000
If I didn't know you and I saw you walking down the street and you're not Joe Rogan, I'd be like, okay, man, this guy's a good fight.
00:52:12.000
But you've been friendly since day one, though.
00:52:15.000
I was talking to the driver, Rebel, about when you gave me that solo pipe.
00:52:24.000
And then you say you started using it because of butane.
00:52:29.000
And I remember I was telling you that the reason it's called solo pipe is because you're supposed to use it by yourself.
00:52:36.000
But I remember I told everybody you gave it to me and everybody wanted to hit it.
00:52:40.000
And by the time I got it back, it was fucking hot.
00:52:46.000
I think if you're smoking a cigar, butane is the way to go.
00:52:51.000
You burn the end of it, but you don't want to keep doing it.
00:52:54.000
I feel like a certain amount of this is a chemical, no matter what.
00:53:01.000
You really should probably have matches if you're going to smoke a cigar.
00:53:08.000
And I think if you're like a super cigar nerd, they do it even further.
00:53:11.000
They take cedar and they light cedar strips and they use that to light their cigar.
00:53:22.000
They light little strips of wood and they light from pure wood, then they light their cigar.
00:53:45.000
Yeah, so these guys, they take little cedar strips and they light them on fire and they light their cigar from the cedar strips.
00:53:52.000
So this way you're not getting any of the butane fumes.
00:54:06.000
We're probably going to find out that every time you burn a lighter near you, you inhale like 10 times more than you're ever supposed to in your life.
00:54:18.000
We'll probably find something like that out someday.
00:54:26.000
Fire that quickly means you've got some funky gases that you're burning.
00:54:37.000
Because I remember we're lighting a match and you get the ugly-ass fuel.
00:54:58.000
Because I think there's some things in some scented candles that you're not supposed to inhale.
00:55:04.000
And when you're a person that likes to have candles, and who doesn't?
00:55:11.000
Like candlelight dinner with a bunch of friends?
00:55:18.000
It says it's the ones that are made from paraffin.
00:55:20.000
The ones that are made from paraffin are the problem.
00:55:23.000
It's a cheap byproduct primarily sourced from the refinement of petroleum.
00:55:29.000
Paraffin is the most used candle wax worldwide, according to the National Candle Association, the major trade association representing U.S. candle manufacturers and their suppliers.
00:55:42.000
However, few studies on candle emissions or their potential effects on human health exist, and conclusions from the research are mixed.
00:55:51.000
There is no overall conclusion that paraffin candles either will or won't harm your health, says pulmonologist Dr. Sobia Farouk, a clinical assistant professor at the Cleveland Clinic Lerner College of Medicine.
00:56:06.000
But the risk may also depend on various factors including candle type and quality How often and how long you're burning it the airflow in the space where you're burning it your health status and more well These you either is not good for you or Or it's fine.
00:56:24.000
And it seems to me like there's a little gaslighting going on here.
00:56:26.000
Like, how could it be good for you to have petroleum burning in your house?
00:56:30.000
I want you to show me a study that's, like, measure the fucking air in the room when you have three candles.
00:56:38.000
Measure the air in the room when you have four candles.
00:56:41.000
Tell me when I'm gonna get lung cancer from this shit.
00:56:48.000
Benzene, a known carcinogen, is another VOC released by paraffin candles.
00:56:55.000
Hawk added, long-term exposure to this chemical has been linked to blood disorders such as leukemia.
00:57:01.000
When inhaled, benzene can also be a respiratory irritant.
00:57:22.000
I hope all those candles that I've got in a massage parlor were safe.
00:57:27.000
Candles made from soy wax, beeswax, or stearin.
00:57:31.000
Coconut oil or animal fats are often considered healthier, but anything that is burned emits harmful particulates or chemicals, Evan said.
00:57:40.000
So these candles also release VOCs into the air.
00:57:43.000
It's just that paraffin wax is usually more polluting, according to...
00:57:48.000
The risk of toxic emissions is greater when candles are scented or dyed, which is another reason why paraffin-free candles aren't immediately in the clear.
00:57:56.000
This is because artificial fragrances have VOCs, including phthalates, which have been linked to learning and behavior problems, obesity, impaired development of the reproductive systems and more.
00:58:08.000
Evan said the unscented candle in the 2015 research also caused concerning concentrations of toxins, but had the lowest amount compared with its scented counterparts.
00:58:24.000
Oh, the National Candle Association maintains that candles are safe for use in the home, a spokesperson said in a statement.
00:58:34.000
First of all, you can't totally say anything's safe.
00:58:38.000
Because I was dating a girl once and she burnt her fucking house down with candles.
00:58:52.000
And it lit the side of her fucking bedroom hall.
00:59:08.000
You could definitely do something stupid with it.
00:59:17.000
They're bad for your body, but they're fucking safe.
00:59:21.000
I'll let you burn them to make s'mores with a lighter and a fork.
00:59:25.000
You know what's supposed to be really bad for you?
00:59:28.000
Paper straws have those forever chemicals in them.
00:59:32.000
Otherwise, we'll have to cut this out without getting sued by the paper straw industry.
00:59:40.000
Everybody knows that paper straws came around because everybody saw that video of that turtle with that straw in its nose.
00:59:46.000
That's the only reason why we started looking at paper straws different than everything else, right?
00:59:57.000
Plastic straws came about because of that video of that turtle with the plastic straw in his nose, right?
01:00:08.000
New studies found that 90% of paper straws tested contained forever chemicals.
01:00:19.000
So even plastic straws have those fucking chemicals in them.
01:00:22.000
But it's even worse for you to use paper straws.
01:00:25.000
Paper straws assessed by researchers at University of Antwerp, Belgium, were found to contain more forever chemicals per polyfluoralkyl.
01:00:46.000
What it's basically saying is that even straws, 75% of plastic straws have tested that they contain forever chemicals.
01:01:03.000
A metal straw and a Stanley and then fall on your face.
01:01:18.000
Just because you fall with a straw doesn't mean you're an idiot.
01:01:24.000
Got to be aware that that's basically a metal shank that's going to go right through your face if you trip.
01:01:31.000
You got to carry that thing if you're clumsy, like as if you're carrying a knife.
01:01:38.000
Don't catch your body with it if you fall down and then stab yourself in the face.
01:01:42.000
You wouldn't let your baby hold that while you're holding it.
01:01:50.000
Clumsy people should really know they're clumsy and be super careful with what they're carrying.
01:01:57.000
I was outside over there going, I was holding that baseball.
01:02:00.000
And I'm holding that baseball and I'm looking at the werewolf and I'm thinking, I'm looking at my wife.
01:02:06.000
I bet you I could throw a knuckleball and make it right in the fucking werewolf's mouth.
01:02:18.000
And even if you could hit it, what does that prove?
01:02:30.000
No, I was good at playing streetball with a tennis ball.
01:02:46.000
I Wikipedia'd the other day to learn how to play because they're having a stickball tournament in New York last week when I was there.
01:02:58.000
Other veterans that used to play stickball in New York showed up to play.
01:03:04.000
But I never knew the game because in LA we play over the line.
01:03:15.000
That looks like a guy who plays really good stickball.
01:03:23.000
When I lived in Jamaica Plain, which is a little place outside of Boston, we played that.
01:03:32.000
People get mad at you, hit their car with a tennis ball.
01:03:36.000
But kids are just always looking for something to do back then.
01:03:39.000
I used to play crazy games growing up, bro, that I'm pretty sure kids don't play that anymore.
01:03:44.000
I used to play this game called Huevos, which is called Eggs.
01:03:47.000
We used to put a bunch of holes on the floor with your name on it, and then somebody would throw a tennis ball.
01:03:54.000
And wherever the ball lands in that hole, that person has to grab that ball and fuck somebody up in the back before they make it to the wall.
01:04:03.000
And that person you hit has to grab that ball and then hit people on the way back before they get to the other side of the wall.
01:04:10.000
And if you miss everybody, you get an egg on your little hole.
01:04:14.000
And once you get four of them, we all take turns fucking you up with a tennis ball while you're just standing there like this.
01:04:41.000
It's a handball court, a wall, and you throw a ball.
01:04:47.000
But if you miss it, everybody starts fucking you up.
01:05:02.000
Everybody stands by the wall and you throw the ball against the wall and you try to catch it.
01:05:06.000
And if you miss, they fucking jump you until you get to the wall with the ball.
01:05:24.000
Can have as many as can be accommodated by the playing area.
01:05:28.000
But this is funny when they take a game like this and they break it down.
01:05:36.000
So if you fucked up, you'd have to stay on the wall.
01:05:43.000
Until the player touches the wall, they are open to be pegged, struck hard with a thrown ball by the player who caught it.
01:05:49.000
If a player comes into contact with the ball but fails to catch it, they are also open to be pegged.
01:05:57.000
It's a tough word to use, but that's what it is.
01:05:59.000
Getting hit by a tennis ball is a good thing to get hit by, though, right?
01:06:06.000
There's always this asshole kid that didn't like that kid that was going to get hit, and he'll put that fucking ball in a shitload of water and mud.
01:06:17.000
Oh, also, remember, if that person that's supposed to get hit by the ball runs home, we'll fucking chase him home or beat him up in front of his mom.
01:06:32.000
Yes, that's why the internet is important, YouTube.
01:06:41.000
People just at home scrolling instead of out gangbanging.
01:06:46.000
You know, I mean, everybody gets addicted to it.
01:06:50.000
If you just don't go out and do terrible things because you're just scrolling and staring at your TikTok.
01:07:00.000
You know, there's been, like, famous people that have been caught shoplifting.
01:07:19.000
I was just hanging around with a bunch of bad kids and we would do that.
01:07:26.000
And I think we probably did it two or three times and I got caught.
01:07:45.000
And I'm like, I'm all high looking at the donut.
01:07:50.000
Joey Diaz used to swipe lighters from 7-Eleven just to stay sharp.
01:08:06.000
I saw him do that while he's talking to the guy and he put his knickers.
01:08:10.000
Yeah, he's got some hand movements to distract you.
01:08:13.000
I think that was a gay man that road commies would do, bro, on the way to a gig who could shoplift the most shit out of the gas station.
01:08:33.000
Those times when you're on the road and all you're eating is garbage.
01:08:37.000
You gotta buy a grilled cheese there and put pork rinds in there from the package.
01:08:41.000
You gotta take a chance with the bean and cheese burrito that you microwave.
01:08:51.000
Every now and then, you've got good food at a gas station.
01:08:56.000
Sometimes you go to a gas station, and it's like a gas station, but it's also like a taco spot.
01:09:02.000
You're like, damn, that looks like a legit fucking cheeseburger.
01:09:29.000
Yeah, you need a Yeti cooler and a Traeger grill.
01:09:34.000
They're making a Disney Buc-ee's and it's going to have rides.
01:09:37.000
You know, there's a lawsuit going on with Buc-ee's.
01:09:40.000
They're claiming that these people copied their logo.
01:09:44.000
No, there's another spot that has another kind of an animal.
01:09:50.000
Wherever that is, they knock off all sorts of stores.
01:10:19.000
And there's a fake In-N-Out in California, too.
01:10:23.000
Yeah, it's called Easy Takeout, and I think they used to be...
01:10:31.000
Same burgers, but they just added a breakfast burger.
01:10:42.000
Lucky's, but this is what the lawsuit is about.
01:11:02.000
A month ago, two months ago, Bucky's taking legal action against Mexican competition.
01:11:06.000
It's the one thing that came up by, like, I was looking a little further.
01:11:48.000
They could, you know, get together, a little franchise.
01:12:06.000
Could you imagine if, like, the owners, whoever owns the...
01:12:16.000
So it's just they're saying it's because it's got a smiling animal.
01:12:26.000
I can't think that you could own the idea of having any kind of cute animal as a part of your logo.
01:12:35.000
I don't understand copyright law, but doesn't that seem like a little ridiculous to you?
01:12:40.000
What if it's a cat and you make it kitties and you have a cute little cat?
01:12:46.000
Are you telling me that I can't make a business called kitties?
01:12:50.000
That depends where you're doing business at and how much of a copyright you have.
01:12:56.000
Did you have an international copyright, which is really tough?
01:12:58.000
Right, but is that a copyright infringement if you have kitties?
01:13:03.000
Imagine someone has a copyright to the ability...
01:13:11.000
But imagine if somebody has a copyright to just owning the ability to use a cartoon character in your logo.
01:13:47.000
Anything that you put cartoon on it with Laurel and Hardy's face.
01:13:54.000
Imagine showing somebody that had no idea about American culture at all.
01:13:58.000
Going back, and you show them Laurel Hardy, and then right after, you show them Chappelle's show when Dave plays the blind white supremacist that's black.
01:14:15.000
This is what comedy started out as, and this is comedy later.
01:14:33.000
Eddie Cantor was the first comedian to do radio.
01:14:36.000
And he was, because I have a history for Fools podcast, so I learned about the history of stand-up comedy.
01:14:44.000
Plus, I read that, I watched the documentary, but he was one of the first guys, but he was very clean, bro.
01:14:59.000
He was getting paid $500 for five minute shows on radio.
01:15:10.000
He was the first guy to have a radio comedy show.
01:15:19.000
some vaudeville nonsense the dumb ones know how to make love Yeah.
01:15:41.000
That sounds like something Theo would say on stage.
01:15:47.000
He'll be on the radio, bro, talking, and then he'll pinch the chicks.
01:15:53.000
Yeah, and then, like, they wouldn't say nothing.
01:15:55.000
Then finally a woman said something, Mr. Cantor!
01:16:02.000
Well, gotta remember, like, people back then were basically barbarians.
01:16:11.000
Back then, for a stand-up comedian, like, when I found out was...
01:16:22.000
And you don't get paid, and they'll call the cops.
01:16:24.000
You have three vagrants walking around downtown, and then you're three comedians walking around town with no hotel, no pay, and they're gonna pick you up for being a hobo now.
01:16:42.000
Well, I think there's probably still a lot of shit games like that out there for a lot of guys that are coming up.
01:16:52.000
Well, comedy is more accessible because of YouTube and everything.
01:17:04.000
Yeah, I have a special right now on Netflix, Raging Fool.
01:17:08.000
We shot it at the Crest Theater in Sacramento, two shows.
01:17:16.000
We shot it with our own money, and we paid everybody, and then we sold it to Netflix.
01:17:28.000
Yes, because of Raging Bull, because of Raging Fool.
01:17:34.000
Because I was watching that movie, Raging Bull, and I was thinking that when Jake LaMotta had nothing left to do in his life, he had nothing how to make money, he said, you know what?
01:17:49.000
He had nothing else to do with his life, so he figured out, I'm going to do stand-up comedy.
01:17:54.000
Because that was the last thing, and for us, it was like the first thing.
01:17:58.000
Well, that happens with actors sometimes, too, when their careers kind of dwindle, they start doing stand-up.
01:18:17.000
Yeah, because that guy lived down in Arizona, where Stanhope lived.
01:18:22.000
Yeah, he's got photos of him hanging out over his house and shit.
01:18:43.000
Like, he looked like an animal when he was Jake LaMotta, like the younger Jake LaMotta.
01:18:53.000
He was so scary because he was just out of his fucking mind and so dangerous.
01:18:59.000
I mean, the movie is real close to how that guy was, Jake LaMotta, when he was in his prime.
01:19:10.000
And he goes, he don't like his hands because they're not big, I guess.
01:19:24.000
And back then, there was a lot of people like that.
01:19:27.000
This is, you got to go back and put your mind into what it must have been like to be Jake LaMotta growing up and like what?
01:19:52.000
Madison Square Garden, 1942. So you gotta imagine.
01:19:56.000
You gotta just put your mind into the type of people that lived back then.
01:20:10.000
Organized crime was the rule of the law in all the Italian communities, the Irish communities.
01:20:21.000
It's like, you ever watch that movie Gangs of New York?
01:20:32.000
Roughly pretty accurate the way life was back then.
01:20:36.000
Some of those gangsters that were in that movie were actually real people.
01:20:40.000
Like that woman in that movie, I think you talked about it, the one who had to collect ears and put them in a jar.
01:20:48.000
She had a bar where people would just have a jar full of pickled ears and noses from previous fights.
01:21:00.000
And they'll have fights in the back with a mongoose fighting a dog.
01:21:17.000
And then, you know, it's pretty commercialized in a lot of ways.
01:21:23.000
During the time of that, whenever that film was supposed to represent, was a wild, crazy, almost like Wild West type place.
01:21:31.000
We think of those kind of scenes when you think of a Wild West movie, right?
01:21:38.000
Yeah, you think of people getting stabbed and shot, but that was happening over there, too.
01:21:43.000
It's not like it never happened on the East Coast and they only did it on the West Coast.
01:21:52.000
I mean, these people had just gotten done with a fucking civil war, right?
01:21:57.000
Because back then, you got to think, 1940, you go to like the 1860s to the 1940s, that's not that much time.
01:22:14.000
And then you got more immigrants coming in on boats.
01:22:33.000
At the same time when that movie is happening, and they told him, you want a free meal?
01:22:39.000
And they give him a uniform, and their families go off to New York, and they go off to fight the South.
01:22:46.000
Just imagine coming out of the boat and somebody just hands you a gun and a piece of bread and go, go fight for America.
01:22:51.000
And I think about that, like, why are some hardcore people right there, man?
01:23:01.000
Yeah, and then people look old, older then than they do now.
01:23:06.000
Yeah, like you look at a person's photo, and you go, how old is that kid?
01:23:09.000
He looks like 70. Oh, that's a 25-year-old kid working in a coal mine.
01:23:14.000
Working in coal mines, those people all got sick.
01:23:18.000
I mean, that's environmental pollution that you're signing up for.
01:23:20.000
Like, you're gonna go breathe coal dust no matter what.
01:23:22.000
Everyone gets, they all get horrible fucking...
01:23:29.000
And then you've got people that just live around coal plants, and they're breathing that shit, and they're not even a part of that business.
01:23:41.000
Bro, there's a place that we showed a video once.
01:23:47.000
So there's like three coal plants near this city, and these people, they can wipe their windshield, and they have black soot on their fingers.
01:23:58.000
So these people are for sure breathing that shit in.
01:24:07.000
And that's a fraction of what's going on in China, bro.
01:24:11.000
Oh yeah, because when I was in Seattle, and I was waiting for the car to pass, I was going to my show, and I saw, it was like a mile train, and it was all coal.
01:24:26.000
And I asked the cop that was standing there, I go, I didn't know we still mine coal!
01:24:46.000
They say that, I don't know how much coal flies.
01:24:53.000
There was a mile train of coal coming from Minnesota on that one line.
01:25:09.000
Someone should check to see if maybe they know something we don't.
01:25:17.000
I mean, they produce so many of the things that we need, which is one of the craziest things that we all found out when everything got locked down is you couldn't get anything because so much of what you wanted was made in China.
01:25:27.000
Like, oh my god, or made in Russia or made in anywhere where they had to come in on a ship.
01:25:32.000
You know, like, that became a real fucking problem.
01:25:39.000
In comparison to what we consume, we consume way more, probably, I would guess, than any country.
01:25:52.000
I love when a comic holds out and doesn't go iPhone.
01:26:09.000
Is that the newest one or the one right before it?
01:26:23.000
Yeah, it's great at a lot of stuff, but the interesting thing is the AI. So what I like about it is...
01:26:29.000
I can go to a website, and if I open it up in the Samsung browser, and then I can say summarize.
01:26:38.000
Yeah, so if there's some thing that's taking forever for you to get to the point, because you want me to keep scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling while you show ads all over the place, that's a trap.
01:26:49.000
So it'll just tell you, oh, there's an asteroid that might hit Earth within the next, you know, fucking 60 years.
01:27:06.000
And then do that one screen, and then I circle it, and it'll find a sweater for me.
01:27:15.000
I think the new iPhone update has that as well, where you can Google search a thing, and it'll show you where to buy it.
01:27:23.000
She wanted to have it where you're watching television.
01:27:27.000
And you pause it with your finger and make a circle and then it just ships to your house.
01:27:32.000
You know when people are going to be fed up with that thing?
01:27:34.000
When, first of all, you can only buy so much shit.
01:27:45.000
You know those glasses that they wear now, those metaglasses?
01:27:52.000
Some Harvard kid figured out how to use facial recognition software with that.
01:27:56.000
So he sees you, gets a photo of you, immediately gets a Wikipedia on you or whatever the fuck is available online, sees your Instagram page, finds your address.
01:28:14.000
Yeah, it's like, hit the brakes, hit the brakes.
01:28:31.000
Sometimes when you have a guest, you go, wait a minute, he's talking about those glasses from Roddy Piper?
01:28:36.000
I think the Roddy Piper glasses, you put them on, you could see what everybody really looked like.
01:28:41.000
You could see through whatever energy field they were projecting.
01:28:44.000
There was these alien creatures that were pretending to be people.
01:28:47.000
And there's a lot of people that believe that now.
01:28:50.000
I'm less inclined to believe that, but I'm open.
01:28:56.000
I mean, if there really are people that are actually aliens that are amongst us that look like people and behave like people.
01:29:28.000
Because there's been a few fighters in the UFC, Vietnamese fighters, that have that same spelling.
01:30:07.000
So just showing how to remove your face from face search engines, which you're not going to be able to do eventually.
01:30:18.000
I'm going to walk around with a black face, green face, bro.
01:30:22.000
I had a friend of mine who came in here the other day, and he's down to a flip phone.
01:30:25.000
And his flip phone was interesting because it has Android on it.
01:30:29.000
His flip phone, you could actually get text messages on it, and you have a little tiny-ass screen on the flip phone where you can kind of clumsily type your way through a sentence.
01:30:37.000
So you don't have to do it with, like, a full keyboard like an iPhone or an earphone, but you also, it's inconvenient, so you don't text as much.
01:30:46.000
You don't go on these long-winded diatribes like a lot of people do.
01:30:51.000
The whole screen is on there, but you've got to navigate all the way around to read everything?
01:31:00.000
And then on his little tiny-ass screen is a tiny-ass keyboard about that big.
01:31:04.000
And you get in there with that tiny-ass keyboard, and you try to type a text message, and you can push send.
01:31:17.000
It can do other stuff if you absolutely fucking need it to.
01:31:23.000
I was like, man, that seems cool, but I like watching YouTube on my phone, so I don't know what to tell you.
01:31:27.000
That sounds like Larry Bubbles Brown from San Francisco.
01:31:37.000
Do they both have the original phone numbers when you first met them?
01:31:49.000
I think I still have my same phone number for the last 20 years.
01:31:59.000
Sometimes that's good, but it gets annoying sometimes.
01:32:03.000
You know, it's all in, you gotta manage your time.
01:32:13.000
The thing about a guy like you is you're headlining, you're on the road, dudes want to open up for you, you've got the Netflix special, they want to hang out with you.
01:32:24.000
Because you can't give your time away to everybody.
01:32:26.000
There's a certain amount of time you need for yourself.
01:32:28.000
If you don't have that time you need for yourself, you go off the rails.
01:32:35.000
And if you're constantly getting this and that, you're constantly interacting, you're never alone, you're never without your shit.
01:32:47.000
I get down there, I fucking stretch everything out.
01:32:50.000
When you're doing that, you can't do anything else.
01:32:52.000
You can't be scrolling on TikTok when you're stretching everything out.
01:33:00.000
And I feel like if you don't make room for that...
01:33:05.000
And I know that there's only so many people that I can entertain and help with stuff.
01:33:12.000
There's only so many people that are just, it's a transactional kind of a conversation you're having with them.
01:33:31.000
So you gotta like, Know when to change your number.
01:33:38.000
I tell you, I'm going to throw in like, my bro, I get up at 5 every day.
01:33:45.000
It's the thing that people always want to do where they want to show themselves that they have the discipline to get up.
01:34:01.000
Former Navy SEAL, who is one of the most inspirational guys I know.
01:34:06.000
And he writes books on leadership, just brilliant guy, has an excellent podcast, solid dude, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt.
01:34:15.000
And he, like, every morning he takes a photo of his watch that says 4.30 a.m.
01:34:24.000
Every morning when he's waking up, you get his shitty Iron Man.
01:34:29.000
I shouldn't say shitty because they're fucking durable as fuck.
01:34:41.000
Look, so it's every day, 4.30, his fucking watch.
01:35:00.000
I think for a comedian, you can't be that rigid.
01:35:06.000
You gotta have discipline, but you also gotta have fun.
01:35:12.000
First of all, I'm up until at least midnight almost every night.
01:35:17.000
I get, like, most of my best, like, writing done and my best ideas when everyone in the house is asleep.
01:35:22.000
So when everyone in my house is asleep and I'm up, I like that.
01:35:27.000
Everybody, I don't need, nobody needs my attention.
01:35:31.000
And I get my, I can't concentrate when people are in the house.
01:35:34.000
I feel like I should be hanging out and having fun and being with everybody.
01:35:42.000
But for me, it's like late at night is where it's at because everybody's asleep and the world feels creepy.
01:35:48.000
You know, at night the world feels kind of dangerous and fucked up and stupid.
01:35:53.000
It's like, you know, when you worry about war in the middle of the night, it's like 1 o'clock in the morning and you're in front of your computer and you're writing something on Microsoft Word and you're genuinely worried about war.
01:36:04.000
Genuinely worried that decisions that people are making in this country are going to one day come down on us with holy...
01:36:12.000
One day, just in the middle of the city, just BOOM! Some fucking thermonuclear device that levels a place four times the size of Hiroshima instantaneously.
01:36:39.000
There's funny things attached to just the way we behave.
01:36:43.000
There's nothing funny about the potential for complete annihilation of the human race.
01:36:47.000
But there is something funny about this desire that we have to keep doing the same things we've always done and hope that somehow or another we get it right this time.
01:37:01.000
We're on the verge of war all the time, and there's got to be some way to stop that other than funding more war.
01:37:15.000
When you first started doing stand-up comedy, there's been a lot of verges of real wars, huh?
01:37:40.000
The one I'm talking about is Desert Storm, which was like 1990?
01:37:54.000
Yeah, but the first invasion before we pulled out with George W. Bush in Iraq?
01:38:00.000
Iraq invaded Kuwait on August 20th, 1990. Yes, I remember that one, yes.
01:38:04.000
Okay, so when Iraq invaded Kuwait in 1990, then we went to war with Iraq, and I was living with my friend Jimmy, and we were sitting, Jimmy DeTilio, shout out to Jimmy, we were sitting in our apartment in the living room, and the war was on TV, and we were like, holy shit, man, we're at war.
01:38:29.000
Yeah, it started as Desert Shield, and then when we started going after Ham was Desert Storm.
01:38:37.000
It was 91. So Desert Shield was to protect, and Desert Storm was to destroy.
01:38:53.000
We love to arm puppet dictators and then fuck them up.
01:38:57.000
You know, it's like, you know, it's like Clint Eastwood movie.
01:39:13.000
When that guy's crying, could he kill somebody?
01:39:17.000
He goes, that's what happens when you kill a man.
01:39:21.000
You take away all he ever wanted and all he ever had.
01:39:27.000
That movie was the best Western movie, I think, ever.
01:39:34.000
That was almost like he was coming back to update it.
01:39:49.000
Unforgiven was the one where it really gave you a sense of what it must have been like living in the Wild West.
01:39:59.000
It was more updated to the movies of that era, like the Morgan Freeman character.
01:40:07.000
That's a great, like, Western movie and just a hard story, man.
01:40:11.000
I like that line when he goes in there to get those people that killed Morgan Freeman.
01:40:20.000
If he's going to decorate his place with a friend of mine.
01:40:30.000
But isn't it funny that we always want to think about that kind of shit happening out west?
01:40:33.000
We don't want to believe that that kind of same shit was happening out east.
01:40:46.000
Can you imagine if we had to do fucking stand-up in 1820?
01:40:53.000
First of all, you're getting sick everywhere because there's no sewage.
01:40:58.000
Everywhere you go, you're breathing shit fumes.
01:41:04.000
When I watch those movies now, like Gangs of New York, I looked over and said, man, it fucking stinks out there.
01:41:15.000
Bro, it probably was so rank, they didn't have anywhere to get rid of their shit.
01:41:20.000
And I read that the little napkin that they had on the big white wig people, they had a little cankerchief, and they would just carry it, bro.
01:41:36.000
They would put it in their nose so they wouldn't have to smell like the poor people.
01:41:41.000
It was the shit in the streets because they didn't have cars, so they had horses.
01:41:50.000
One job was someone would just put down, like, a handkerchief so you could walk over it.
01:42:16.000
Imagine the people that lived back then hearing us complain about scented candles.
01:42:25.000
Poop once flowed freely in the streets of New York.
01:42:28.000
Look, that was a poop pipe that would go right down the street.
01:42:32.000
Oh man, when I was at my grandmother's house in Mexico, they still had an outhouse.
01:42:40.000
Bro, isn't it interesting because this is a terrible way to live that people insisted on doing it this way?
01:42:44.000
I was thinking the day that they figured it out, you'd be like, oh my god, what the?
01:42:47.000
But imagine, because you had to figure it out to get it to where it is now, right?
01:42:50.000
So people had to go through that to get to the Manhattan of today where it's all super sophisticated, amazing hotels, amazing restaurants.
01:43:07.000
This is for the benefit of people in the future.
01:43:12.000
Bro, you know how sick people must have been back then?
01:43:33.000
On a summer day in 1873, a cart stood on 6th Avenue in New York City filled to the brink with raw human waste.
01:43:41.000
The cart was uncovered, its contents exposed to the air and to the passersby who retched and gagged as they scurried away.
01:43:50.000
Excrement dipped off the sides of the cart and the sidewalks and gutters were smeared with the stuff.
01:43:56.000
The stench was so strong that it could be smelled Bro!
01:44:11.000
This is 1873. And you're in Italy reading books talking about the streets are made of gold.
01:44:31.000
It was a name euphemistically given to human waste because it was removed from the privies under the cloak of darkness so that polite society would be spared from confronting its own feces as the men carted the crap away, leaving a trail of stench in their wake.
01:44:46.000
Every year in cities across the country, thousands of carts brimming with excrement rattled through the night streets.
01:44:52.000
There was an antiquated solution to a modern problem.
01:44:56.000
So the people were just throwing the shit in the street.
01:45:17.000
You're getting a horse-pulled wagon filled with shit.
01:45:28.000
These future beings that no longer have war, that no longer have greed or anger, these future beings that are connected to the hive mind, they're going to look back at us like Felipe and Joe.
01:45:41.000
One of the dumping grounds was a field near the White House where a marsh of Washtonian waste putrefied under the president's nose.
01:45:50.000
This suggests that this may have been a contributing factor to President Harris's untimely death in 1841 since the White House water source was a mere seven blocks downstream.
01:46:10.000
Bro, this is why you can't trust that the experts are looking out for your health.
01:46:16.000
Somebody concocted this idea, and they never even thought about the potential for ruining all the water that people drink.
01:46:23.000
They just said, this is a good place to dump all this.
01:46:34.000
And condos back then were probably still sheep's wool, right?
01:46:39.000
I saw a movie where a woman, a guy, a woman, she was washing the contraceptive.
01:46:48.000
Right after all this white wig, guys threw it at her face.
01:46:58.000
So they didn't have, even by 1880s, two-thirds of flushing toilets still just went into a backyard cesspool?
01:47:09.000
In James McCab's 1882 account of New York Street Life, he described one man's yard in which the privy's contents drained down into a street sewer, forming a miniature loathsome Niagara of night soil.
01:47:24.000
The cascading sewage flowed right by the window so that a man sitting on a chair at the window would not have only the odor.
01:47:34.000
Also, the views of this loathsome matter circulating at his feet in the pool below.
01:47:51.000
Cholera outbreak, 1849. Yeah, I would say that is the biggest breakthrough ever in the controlling of diseases.
01:48:05.000
I was just thinking about, too, using these words dumping grounds in this time period, too, this is the same time those bones were dumped in the East River with who knows what else.
01:48:14.000
Yeah, there's not enough vaccines in the world to protect you when you're living like that.
01:48:19.000
Imagine the pharmaceutical drug companies would try to sell you if you were living like that, and they figured out...
01:48:24.000
How to counteract all the different things that you're inhaling in the air from human shit.
01:48:41.000
I'm glad you just said that about dumping bodies because this is a thing I need to send you, Jamie.
01:48:46.000
I'm so glad you brought that up because I read this.
01:48:50.000
I want to figure out what the fuck this actually means.
01:49:10.000
That being fed back to the population via fertilizer on crops?
01:49:22.000
It sounded like they were using it for fertilizer and using people for supplements somehow or another.
01:49:29.000
How they're saying you're boiling down a human body.
01:49:34.000
Also, there's no DNA. So what did you need the body for?
01:49:37.000
The whole body's DNA. Like, what are you saying?
01:49:42.000
You broke it down to chemicals, so now it's okay?
01:49:44.000
So you broke the human body, the container of a soul, down to chemicals, and you're going to pour it on your flowers, and that's okay?
01:49:59.000
Is there a video we can watch on them doing it?
01:50:28.000
And that's what they get, like little bones and pieces.
01:50:33.000
Well, I want to be cremated, but if that's an option...
01:50:37.000
Yeah, but you don't want your body being resold as fertilizer.
01:50:41.000
It's just weird to pour dead people on top of your fucking carrots so they grow better.
01:50:52.000
What are they breaking the human body down to that's valuable for them to do that?
01:51:05.000
Can you Google and see if there's other stories that say that...
01:51:14.000
Whatever it is, it seems like you're supposed to leave people alone when they're dead.
01:51:18.000
Okay, we're supposed to be different than everything else on the planet.
01:51:20.000
We love each other more than we love anything else.
01:51:23.000
You can use monkeys for experiments, but you can't use people.
01:51:25.000
Some states allow the remaining liquid with its peptides, sugars, amino acids, and captured carbon to be reclaimed and repurposed as fertilizer.
01:51:38.000
Do they have to tell you, like how do they have to tell you if you're going to buy a haunted house?
01:51:42.000
Do they have to, you know, if there's a house where someone killed his whole family in it?
01:52:04.000
Do you think they have to tell you, though, that you're buying dead people fertilizer or they just consider it chemicals at that point?
01:52:12.000
How do they get away with selling you dead people?
01:52:14.000
Because it seems like if you had the option, hey, do you want manure or dead people?
01:52:21.000
Patenton in 1888. They've been boiling people and turning them into fertilizer since the 1800s?
01:52:28.000
So we have that machine, but not no fucking sewage.
01:52:33.000
I'm trying to find out where they say that they've used it for other stuff.
01:52:36.000
But the scary thing is them saying that they use it for calcium deficiencies.
01:52:42.000
Because that means you're feeding people other people's bones so they can get a source of calcium.
01:53:05.000
So body plus 95% water, 5% alkaline, basic chemicals, either potassium hydroxide or sodium hydroxide or a combo, sterile effluent, water, salt, sugars, amino acids, peptides, bone fragments, calcium phosphate.
01:53:23.000
So they boil it down in this solution and they get out all these different things, water, salt, sugar, amino acids, peptides, and then calcium phosphate.
01:53:35.000
So if you're buying calcium and you find out it's from dead people, they should probably let you know.
01:53:42.000
You probably should have to let people know that.
01:53:47.000
You would sell a lot if you made it from dead people for sure.
01:53:50.000
Like if you had a skull and crossbones on the bottle.
01:53:54.000
But then people start looking at that like they'd look at chicken.
01:54:08.000
What if they were a fucked up person and you take a little bit of their soul inside of you and you go insane?
01:54:15.000
Well, that's got to be what's happening with the cannibals when they get that disease and they get shaky.
01:54:22.000
The prion disease that they get from eating each other.
01:54:36.000
The thing about prions is you can't even boil them.
01:54:39.000
If you cook them at like a thousand degrees, I think, for like hours, it doesn't kill them.
01:54:45.000
If you ever get invited to a restaurant, they tell you you're just a human being, would you eat it?
01:54:59.000
Decompose acrylion body that we made into chicken.
01:55:17.000
But people were being fed Soylent Green, and then this guy figures out that Soylent Green is made out of people.
01:55:24.000
And they're serving people like this fucking protein biscuit that's made out of humans.
01:55:42.000
I probably haven't seen that movie in 20 plus years.
01:55:44.000
I saw one where a guy was called a microwave massacre.
01:55:52.000
No, he cuts off her pieces and microwaves the body and makes lunches and he takes them to work every day.
01:56:03.000
It's a real movie called Microwave Massacre but probably based on a real guy.
01:56:06.000
And he would take food that he made from people he murdered and they would eat it at work and when they finally caught him everybody at work was throwing up.
01:56:16.000
I think there was a woman who You got caught eating her husband and serving him to the neighbors.
01:56:29.000
Say, I'm going to watch these motherfuckers eat my husband.
01:57:02.000
And there's another one right now that deers have.
01:57:09.000
And deers are getting it, and they froth at the mouth and drool, and their body shrivels up.
01:57:20.000
Because there's no crossover to people, but I wouldn't suggest it.
01:57:26.000
The thing is, you can test, and you can find out if your deer is okay.
01:57:30.000
Like, you can shoot them and then test them, and then you know you're good to go and you can eat the deer.
01:57:34.000
But if it tests positive, it hasn't jumped from animal to people.
01:57:45.000
Why would you take a chance of consuming an animal that literally has the plague inside of it?
01:57:56.000
A disease like that would spread like wildfire, right?
01:57:59.000
With deer, they're out in these big, giant, open areas, and yet still, it's spreading from their saliva onto leaves.
01:58:13.000
It's super fucking contagious, and it kills the shit out of them.
01:58:17.000
And if that jumps to people, that's a real problem.
01:58:22.000
Because I don't know if they have medication that combats it in deer.
01:58:27.000
I don't know what research they've done in trying to figure it out.
01:58:29.000
But I know it's such a problem that there's a lot of places where they're killing extra deer just to try to keep the populations lower so they don't interact with each other as much and so they don't catch it.
01:58:44.000
But I think chronic wasting disease has been...
01:58:53.000
But it's in a lot of white-tailed deer in America.
01:58:57.000
And apparently it's made its way into other ungulates.
01:59:03.000
And I think they might have even found it in moose.
01:59:09.000
It turns you into a fucking skeleton and you waste away.
01:59:20.000
Because they think that that's one of the ways that it's spread.
01:59:22.000
Like, there's a lot of deer farms that do a great job.
01:59:26.000
So if you wanted a property and you wanted your own...
01:59:28.000
Private hunting property, and you wanted to put a high fence up, take care of the ground, put food plots in there for the animals.
01:59:35.000
This is how you, you know, you got a thousand acres, you want to fence it all in.
01:59:37.000
Like, you could do that in Texas, and you can buy deer.
01:59:40.000
So you say, okay, I want to buy, you know, like, 20 white-tailed deer and let them loose on my property.
01:59:45.000
You know, you got this thousand-acre spot or wherever you're at.
01:59:50.000
A deer that is from a farm that's unethical, they're all going to be stacked next to each other, just like pigs.
01:59:56.000
When you watch fucking factory farming for pigs, they're going to be corralled and shitty.
02:00:01.000
Most of them don't do this, but you're always going to have people that are unethical.
02:00:05.000
And when people do things where diseases start getting spread and they kind of cover it up or lie about it because they don't want to lose money, and then they're sending deer around, there's a lot of regulations now on how you can move deer across state lines.
02:00:21.000
If you have bad deer meat, can you cover it up with a bunch of good deer meat where that bad meat disappears?
02:00:31.000
Because I remember myself cooking, and I spilled a shitload of garlic on my oatmeal, and I was making oatmeal for 15 motherfuckers in rehab.
02:00:43.000
So I just started putting more oatmeal, more oatmeal, and more milk.
02:00:49.000
But in the end, everybody was farting anyway, so they still got it.
02:01:02.000
See, what we're talking about, chronic wasting disease, that's different.
02:01:06.000
It probably wouldn't even affect the taste of the animal.
02:01:09.000
They'd probably be very lean because there's not much left of them.
02:01:12.000
Or they could have just gotten it, and they could be healthy-looking, and they still have this disease.
02:01:18.000
My fear would be about what that disease is going to do if it jumps to human beings.
02:01:24.000
And if you're consuming it, are we sure that it just goes out of your system?
02:01:31.000
Is it something that has an incubation period that maybe not now?
02:01:35.000
Maybe it will have one in five years from now, or ten years from now.
02:01:38.000
Maybe the version of chronic wasting disease, if it evolves and changes.
02:01:44.000
That's a scary fucking disease to make the jump to humans.
02:01:56.000
No, like COVID. They fucking made that shit in a lab.
02:02:05.000
Did you say like AIDS? Like AIDS. I read that somewhere.
02:02:12.000
Wasn't it like part of chemical warfare, right?
02:02:19.000
Like putting disease blankets on natives, you know, and...
02:02:25.000
Like, that's the big conspiracy theory about Lyme disease.
02:02:28.000
No, I'm sorry, the natives had influenza blankets.
02:02:34.000
But I don't know if that's even true because I don't think they really knew how diseases were spread back then.
02:02:41.000
I don't think they knew that you could just put scabs on a blanket and give people smallpox.
02:02:45.000
And if you had smallpox, are you trying to dish out smallpox?
02:02:48.000
Are you trying to catch it so you're handling it and then putting it in blankets?
02:02:52.000
It seems like an exaggerated cruelty of what happened.
02:02:56.000
And what happened was Europeans came over here.
02:02:59.000
The Native Americans had whatever you want to call them, the indigenous people.
02:03:09.000
Diseases from North Americans or from Europeans, rather, coming to North America, they wiped out everybody with disease.
02:03:16.000
It's somewhere in the neighborhood of 90% of the people that were here are gone because of disease.
02:03:22.000
So, you know, when people want to think that there's no way to prepare, like, a group of human beings that has no immunity.
02:03:40.000
You're coming in with these stinky European streets filled with shit water, right?
02:03:47.000
Everybody's got some funky Parasite, funky disease.
02:03:57.000
They probably have viruses fighting viruses inside their body.
02:04:02.000
Coughing phlegm and blood and they're drinking whiskey and they come over to...
02:04:10.000
It's probably animals biting each other and holding each other down and fucking each other.
02:04:14.000
And then they come to North America and they start slaughtering people and the...
02:04:22.000
He was like a bishop or some religious man who chronicled one of Christopher Columbus's early interactions with these people.
02:04:33.000
Cutting people's arms off if they don't bring back their weight in gold and dashing babies on rocks in front of their parents.
02:04:43.000
And those are the kind of people that brought those diseases.
02:04:51.000
A real demon horde of people who come over on a boat stinking, covered in their own shit, breathing diseases on everybody.
02:05:14.000
And he would drop mercury on his penis to cure his diseases on his penis.
02:05:31.000
He probably was on a pirate ship somewhere, met a voodoo doctor and said, hey, man.
02:05:39.000
It says, when he held prisoners for ransom, such as the governor's son during the week-long Charlestown blockade in 1718, he asked for expensive medical supplies.
02:05:50.000
This included liquid mercury, which, when injected through a urethral syringe, was a common, ineffective treatment for syphilis.
02:06:00.000
Injected through your pee hole with a fucking syringe.
02:06:07.000
Blackbeard had up to 14 wives in different ports.
02:06:30.000
They discovered it, and this emperor, when he died, was such a great emperor that he had this whole field of terracotta statues that were built that looked like warriors that are guarding him.
02:06:46.000
But the ground all around where this temple is tests for high levels of mercury.
02:06:53.000
And the ancient story is that anybody who ever dared open up this temple, open up this tomb, rather, where this emperor is buried, will drown in mercury.
02:07:04.000
I thought you were going to say they got gonorrhea.
02:07:09.000
Imagine, like, 2,000 years ago, a dude sets up a booby trap for greedy people and sets it up where he fills the entire tomb up with mercury.
02:07:20.000
How much mercury would you have to handle, and how many people would have to die from that mercury?
02:07:25.000
Because imagine, first of all, where did they even get it?
02:07:28.000
Yeah, where did they get mercury in 2,000 plus years ago?
02:07:32.000
Do you know that story about that emperor and his temple?
02:07:44.000
Yeah, that's probably a common booby track, I bet.
02:07:51.000
On top of Google, it says temple drowned in Mercury refers to the temple of Teotihuacan.
02:07:55.000
Can you say temple booby-trapped with Mercury in China?
02:08:03.000
It says it could have been a thing that they did on Earth.
02:08:10.000
So there's one that they have not entered into.
02:08:14.000
I think this is the one with the terracotta statues in front of it.
02:08:17.000
I think there's a common thing when great people died, they probably made a terracotta army for them.
02:08:53.000
I don't want to get into it, but yeah, we probably have the revenues probably come into our thing because there are people claiming it, but it's up.
02:09:02.000
A lot of the clips that I watched are from other people sharing them.
02:09:05.000
I was just saying, it's not ours, so I don't know if they've edited or not.
02:09:11.000
But anyway, the point is, there's this tomb in China that's supposedly booby-trapped with tons of liquid mercury.
02:09:18.000
But this area around it apparently tests high for mercury.
02:09:23.000
So they think that it might be a true story, and they don't want to go in there.
02:09:27.000
They don't want to fucking open up the door and die.
02:09:28.000
Which is wild that this dude set this up, if he did, 2,000-plus years ago.
02:09:33.000
I don't even remember how many thousands of years ago it was, but it was insanely impressive.
02:09:41.000
To think of something like that and it still works.
02:09:43.000
Yeah, like where do you, while Jamie's looking this up, where the fuck do you think they get mercury and how much can they get?
02:09:55.000
Throughout antiquity, remember we've talked about Cinnabar before?
02:10:03.000
Cinnabar in antiquity was the source of all mercury.
02:10:12.000
To extract, you need to roast it in air, converting the sulfur to sulfur dioxide.
02:10:17.000
While the mercury is released as vapor, it can be then condensed.
02:10:20.000
Since the mercury boils at 357 Celsius, this process needs temperatures well within.
02:10:32.000
Well, if they can make a temple like this guy had, they can cook up mercury and fill that temple.
02:10:40.000
Maybe there's going to be a way with new technology where they can pierce into the ground, where they can see into things without having to actually go in there physically.
02:10:52.000
I know they can kind of detect where they used to be agriculture and places.
02:10:56.000
This article is someone digging into, is this claim real?
02:11:03.000
So even though mercury, either as a cinnabar or as the elemental metal, has been found in tombs dating as far back as the second millennium BC, it's not clear why it was put there.
02:11:13.000
Might its toxicity have acted as a deterrent to grave looters?
02:11:18.000
The dangers of mercury fumes were not recognized until Han times.
02:11:21.000
If so, it seems, there's a lot of mercury in the burial chamber.
02:11:24.000
It's likely to be either a preservative or an anti-theft device.
02:11:29.000
So the big theory is that it's an anti-theft device, and that's why people are terrified of going in there.
02:11:37.000
Based on estimates of mercury production from the Song era and allowing for the imperfections of the earlier refinement process, he thinks the chamber might have contained at most 100 tons of the liquid metal.
02:12:28.000
Oh my god, this guy had a mercury syringe in Iraq.
02:12:33.000
And look, it's all rough looking and it's not even polished good.
02:12:40.000
If you're going to go to this island, take lots of mercury.
02:12:46.000
A pump cluster, which would have been to use pump fluid into the rectum, allowing the body to quickly absorb it.
02:13:10.000
I heard people take tampons filled with vodka and stuff them in their asshole.
02:13:16.000
I mean, they've been doing it since the days of the pirates, so it's not new.
02:13:24.000
Severe dehydration by pumping fluid in the ass.
02:13:29.000
And also a bloodletting instrument called a porringer.
02:13:33.000
I had a buddy of mine, and he did his medical residency in Miami in the 1980s during the cocaine times.
02:13:40.000
And he said, dude, that's where he did his residency show.
02:13:43.000
So it was like every day someone's coming in with something stuffed up their ass.
02:13:50.000
He found people with light bulbs, those twisty pinecone-looking light bulbs stuck up their ass.
02:13:58.000
I did a show at Lompoc State Penitentiary, and one of the guards told me, That some guy made a vibrator out of seven handballs.
02:14:18.000
Well, he didn't tie them up too good and they were all stuck in there to take them all out.
02:14:27.000
Yeah, because he didn't put enough wrapping, I guess.
02:14:29.000
So they had to go in his butt and get all those balls?
02:14:43.000
That's a hard way to go, too, because sometimes people die that way.
02:15:02.000
It's a thing called Zophilia, where people are sexually attracted to farm animals.
02:15:06.000
And so these people met up online, and they found out that you're still allowed to fuck animals in Washington State.
02:15:21.000
They bring him to the emergency room, like, what's going on?
02:15:23.000
And, you know, everyone's acting a little shifty.
02:15:27.000
And they find out these people have, like, hundreds of hours of people getting fucked by donkeys and horses and shit.
02:15:40.000
One of the first books, you know, there used to be a lot of sex books when we were kids, and they were all nasty books about sex.
02:15:48.000
The first one I ever read was about people having sex with animals.
02:15:53.000
But there were like, remember the penthouse stories or Playboy stories?
02:15:58.000
And I remember the woman telling this whole story about having sex with a horse.
02:16:10.000
There's a video, one video that got leaked online way back in the day.
02:16:15.000
And it's this dude getting railed by the horse.
02:16:18.000
And it's not even the one where he dies, apparently.
02:16:22.000
But in this video, you see the size of the horse's dick, and you see his body, and you see his ass, and you're like, there's no way.
02:16:31.000
One guy grabbed it and just pointed it in the right direction.
02:16:35.000
And the horse was one gigantic thrust of death, and the guy makes this horrible sound, and then his friend goes, too much?
02:16:48.000
And you're like, this is the sickest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life.
02:16:52.000
That guy in that video that's getting fucked by that horse was the guy who eventually dies from it.
02:17:02.000
The horse is going to, you know, I wouldn't bend over in front of him.
02:17:08.000
The media kind of says they only found out about all this because he died.
02:17:15.000
Was that his first time or was it a try with ponies first?
02:17:22.000
But there was apparently many hours of this guy getting fucked by horses.
02:17:28.000
It's not like an urban legend when people say I went to TJ and saw a donkey show.
02:17:43.000
I bet if you put it up on X. X is one of the few places where...
02:17:53.000
It wasn't illegal when they were doing it, though.
02:17:56.000
No, that's called bestiality when you have sex with an animal?
02:18:03.000
And what's the one when you have sex with dead bodies?
02:18:10.000
Yeah, you can't find an X. It's a different search result that pops up.
02:18:13.000
Oh, yeah, they probably gamed the search results now, right?
02:18:24.000
Like, since you want to talk about gangs of New York, how ugly it was.
02:18:29.000
People just fucked everything that was in front of them.
02:18:44.000
Do you want me to mute the sound when we play this?
02:19:08.000
Look at the amount of tissue we're talking about here.
02:19:40.000
The whole thing really only lasts a couple of seconds.
02:19:47.000
The movie's fascinating, because the movie is like a documentary sort of recreation of those people, and it's not like that.
02:19:54.000
You don't see things, but you just see how fucking bananas the whole story is.
02:19:58.000
The horse is known for that, or did you grab a random horse?
02:20:02.000
Because he seemed to know what he was doing, bro.
02:20:04.000
He'd probably been fucking that guy for a long time.
02:20:08.000
It killed him one day, but I think he had done it a bunch of times.
02:20:25.000
There's people out there that are out of their fucking minds.
02:20:31.000
You're getting fucked to death by a horse in a grainy video.
02:20:43.000
And I think the guy who died was an intelligent guy.
02:20:48.000
He worked at Boeing for over eight years, yeah.
02:20:49.000
Bro, he was a Boeing engineer who liked to get fucked to death by a horse.
02:21:05.000
When it goes into his body, you're just like, where's the room?
02:21:21.000
The ability to experience certain sensations after a motorcycle accident.
02:21:25.000
Oh, so that was the only way you could feel things?
02:21:38.000
Because we've talked about this many times, about brain injuries.
02:21:43.000
About people with brain injuries, they get very impulsive, and they do reckless things.
02:21:48.000
This guy had a motorcycle accident that fucked up the way he feels thing.
02:21:54.000
So if he got wrecked, he probably got a brain injury.
02:22:04.000
You want to get fucked to death by a wild animal.
02:22:07.000
You want to be the first guy to get buttfucked by a bear.
02:22:19.000
I've seen it happen to a bunch of dudes when they've been knocked out.
02:22:26.000
Get knocked out and the fuck out and you wake up and go, is there a horse nearby?
02:22:32.000
Well, who knows what's going on with the chemistry of your brain.
02:22:38.000
You want to see if you can suck a horse's cock.
02:22:51.000
You had that joke about up in the Playboy Mansion and you said that, what's his name?
02:22:57.000
He would have, every once in a while, a gay would pop in.
02:23:01.000
And then he goes, and then the punchline was, nah, man.
02:23:13.000
I think for some people with brain injuries, though, they get addicted to skydiving, they get addicted to gambling, they get addicted to really reckless behavior.
02:23:27.000
He fell on a motorcycle and hit his head on the curb with no helmet on.
02:23:34.000
So California didn't used to have a helmet law back then.
02:23:45.000
So he helped it, but I know that people wanted help.
02:23:51.000
It's like, yeah, you should have helmet laws because there's 18-year-old boys out there that can have motorcycles, and that's fucking crazy.
02:23:57.000
I am so glad that when I was 18, I never got a fucking motorcycle.
02:24:05.000
70 miles an hour, the helmet is like nothing, right?
02:24:11.000
If you slide, you probably just get your skin ripped from your body.
02:24:18.000
If you get really banged, you could have some screwy brainwaves after that.
02:24:31.000
You know, their brain's not working the same anymore, so they don't know who they are anymore.
02:24:38.000
You know, and they start thinking that no one wants to help them.
02:24:41.000
You start getting really angry and real negative.
02:24:49.000
All the things that you could be doing, that that's how you chose to go out.
02:25:20.000
In a dirty barn with horse jizz in your asshole.
02:25:29.000
Then the cops start questioning him, I believe.
02:25:35.000
They brought off the guy and he's got a giant hole in his asshole.
02:25:51.000
Sir, why could we see his shoes through his mouth?
02:25:58.000
That story about Jimi Hendrix still freaks me out.
02:26:02.000
I've been thinking about it the entire time we've been talking.
02:26:03.000
I go back to the idea of them just pouring pills down the greatest guitarist of all time's mouth and then just pouring jugs of wine down, holding them down, and that's how he dies.
02:26:20.000
His US manager said this story is not true just for...
02:26:43.000
But if anything happens, people always think the CIA was involved somehow.
02:26:53.000
Yeah, it's either them or it's China or it's Russia.
02:26:56.000
Who's really sending me this text telling me that I'm qualified for the $4,000 in savings?
02:27:14.000
So Ray had my fucking phone number before I moved here.
02:27:22.000
Ray must have put in that number every chance he could.
02:27:25.000
I keep getting these fucking text messages for Ray, and it's all like loans, and you qualify for this, and this is available, we're looking for someone to hire.
02:27:40.000
I don't understand how they can't stop that from happening.
02:27:46.000
You get so many of these scam things, or they get a hold of your phone number and just spam you lies.
02:27:52.000
I think you get to a certain age, 50, and I think you're gullible to these tricks now.
02:27:59.000
They send it to 22-year-olds, hey, man, you want to fix your home?
02:28:07.000
If you're dumb and you're 22 and you get something that you qualify for $4,000, oh shit, they think this is me.
02:28:17.000
There was a guy in LA that was calling women at their jobs and telling them they had won something, and he convinced them to cut their heels off their shoes.
02:28:33.000
Hey, you just won blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
02:28:34.000
All you gotta do is cut your heels off your shoes right now.
02:28:38.000
And women were doing it and he called a bunch of chicks and they all just fucked up their shoes for nothing.
02:28:51.000
Especially if it's your favorite shoes and you only have one pair.
02:28:59.000
Why aren't we so lucky we don't have to wear shoes that hurt?
02:29:08.000
I don't even like wearing things other than sneakers.
02:29:13.000
Like, you know, I got a couple pairs of these Origin boots.
02:29:38.000
That's probably why they have better pain tolerance, too.
02:29:39.000
They have to give birth, and they wear shoes that hurt all the time, so they have to deal with pain.
02:29:48.000
We're so lucky we don't have any of that stupid shit.
02:30:04.000
Let's say a lot of women wear makeup every day.
02:30:17.000
A lot of that stuff's probably not healthy for you either, right?
02:30:24.000
I mean, maybe some of it's really good for you.
02:30:31.000
For the native lipsticks, it's made out of smashed little bugs.
02:30:35.000
Yeah, that's one of the red dye things too, right?
02:30:48.000
43% of U.S. women reported wearing makeup daily or weekly, but it doesn't break out the daily portion explicitly.
02:30:57.000
Rewinding to 2019, the same source noted a higher share of women wearing makeup daily.
02:31:02.000
Gen Z, 18-24 at 30%, and Millennials, 25-34 at 35%, suggesting a decline over time.
02:31:10.000
Separate 2023, YouGov poll of 1,000 U.S. women found that 38% wear makeup at least...
02:31:17.000
A few times a week or daily with older women 65 plus being the most likely to wear it daily compared to younger groups.
02:31:24.000
They probably all wore it daily back in the day, right?
02:31:31.000
Another study from 2017 by Statista indicated 41% of U.S. women aged 30 to 59 wear makeup daily.
02:31:41.000
Yeah, there was a woman back in, I don't know, 1800 or 1900. She was the first woman to make a woman's magazine on clothing and home gardening, how to cook.
02:31:54.000
She was the first lady to put recipes in a magazine.
02:32:03.000
I don't know what the name of the magazine, but...
02:32:11.000
When I was a kid, my seventh grade teacher thought it was bad.
02:32:20.000
What are the ingredients in makeup that are toxic?
02:32:28.000
The lady with the green makeup, the Wizard of Oz, or the Tin Man.
02:32:47.000
That's why a lot of comedians back then stopped blackfacing.
02:33:00.000
I wonder if that contributes to a higher incidence of certain issues, health issues that maybe women have that use it daily.
02:33:10.000
How about the people that worked the news back then in the 450?
02:33:18.000
And what the fuck kind of makeup did they have back then?
02:33:32.000
You guys gotta wear makeup when you do the UFC fights?
02:33:38.000
I have to go in there with dudes who literally have their heads split open.
02:33:42.000
I have to interview people that are soaked in blood, and sometimes the blood is spitting out onto the microphone while I'm talking.
02:33:52.000
Like, the idea of me wearing makeup to look better while I'm out there.
02:33:56.000
While they're dealing with people that just got their face punched in is crazy.
02:34:03.000
So when they're speaking to you, like, when you get a fighter that's real bloody, like, you can, what's, um, because you're really up close to these guys.
02:34:11.000
What do you see in their eyes after a fight, like, when they're, and they're also bleeding, man?
02:34:16.000
Do you see, like, you see, like, their insensity, man?
02:34:19.000
Do you see things, like, other people don't see?
02:34:24.000
You're there in a fight right in front of them.
02:34:26.000
Yeah, I think you're probably gonna get more of a sense of how they feel after it's over.
02:34:30.000
Like there's like some historic moments where you could see that when the fighter wins, it's like it's a big fucking deal.
02:34:36.000
And one of my favorite ones was when Israel Adesanya had his second UFC fight against Alex Pereira and he knocks him down, knocks him out.
02:34:44.000
Cold, beautiful, clean right hand, then finished him on the ground, and then fires off three arrows into his body.
02:34:56.000
And then he grabs a microphone and gives one of the most inspirational speeches.
02:35:04.000
This is my favorite moment, I think, of anybody after they won a fight.
02:35:09.000
Because it's just like, this was real, in the moment.
02:35:22.000
He left hook KO'd him in kickboxing, and then he beat him down in the UFC, and then Izzy finally knocked him out.
02:35:28.000
And when he knocked him out, when he fires those arrows into his body, and then...
02:35:41.000
These moments where you reach out and you touch the world.
02:35:45.000
I hope every one of you can feel this level of happiness just one time in your life.
02:35:54.000
You will never feel this level of happiness if you don't go for something, when they knock you down, when they talk about you.
02:36:01.000
If you stay down, you will never ever get that resolve.
02:36:06.000
Fortify your mind and feel this level of happiness as you rise.
02:36:09.000
One time in your life, but I'm blessed to be able to feel this s*** again and again and again and again and again.
02:36:23.000
You hear someone saying something like that after doing something like that, that can help you all throughout your day.
02:36:37.000
If you're gonna go, go all the way or don't even try.
02:36:44.000
If you're gonna go, go all the way or don't even try, this could mean losing girlfriends, it could mean losing wives, relatives, it could be time spent in jail, lonely nights in the dark, lonely nights by yourself.
02:37:03.000
Did you ever see the movie they did on with Mickey Rourke?
02:37:12.000
That came out in 2000-something, and he plays them at a different...
02:37:48.000
You ever see one of those readings that he used to do?
02:37:53.000
He'd read from his books and people would yell and he'd fucking have hecklers and shit.
02:37:59.000
He's just a guy, just constantly drunk with profound thoughts.
02:38:04.000
When I started reading, I wanted to read books about authors that were from Los Angeles, like in the 40s and 50s.
02:38:13.000
And I said, I gotta find something that talks about Los Angeles, these streets that I live in.
02:38:22.000
And I found out that his inspiration was a guy named...
02:38:31.000
He wrote a book called Ask the Dust and The Adventures of Arturo Bandini.
02:38:44.000
John Fonte wrote books in the style of Charles Bukowski, and Charles Bukowski, when he found out about him, He helped him publish all his books again.
02:38:58.000
So that's why I know that John Fonte exists because John Bogoski, he republished all his books for him when he was dying of diabetes.
02:39:06.000
So after dusk, bro, he talks about Los Angeles during 1932, bro, when Los Angeles had a metro rail and the 1932 earthquake in Los Angeles.
02:39:31.000
This guy's an alcoholic and so is Charles Bukowski.
02:39:35.000
These are dudes that work jobs and still were authors.
02:39:38.000
Imagine going from those guys to TikTokers at BOA. Exactly.
02:39:56.000
The other guy, he started writing for Hollywood and he just disappeared.
02:40:07.000
There's a lot of talented writers who just decide to write for a company.
02:40:10.000
They just kind of like give up on the dream, do it for a job.
02:40:14.000
Did you ever get hired to be a writer and then you said, this is not for me?
02:40:17.000
I got a book deal once and I gave them the money back because they had too much input.
02:40:24.000
And then they wanted me to transcribe my stand-up.
02:40:37.000
Why would I want the worst version of what the ideas are, which is just print?
02:40:53.000
I just want to write about things that I'm thinking about.
02:40:55.000
Yeah, why would you write your whole stat list on a book?
02:40:57.000
And then I realized if I'm going to write something, I have to want to.
02:41:00.000
And it has to be something that I do because I'm controlling the entire thing.
02:41:07.000
But it's not something that I would ever want to have somebody help me out with.
02:41:14.000
Part of the reason why he didn't explode when other writers did is because his publisher was in a legal battle for an unauthorized publication of Mein Kampf.
02:41:31.000
The financial drain on the publisher hampered the distribution of Ask the Dust.
02:41:36.000
While Fent put out a short story collection, Dago Red, in 1940, more than a decade would pass before another Bandini novel.
02:42:02.000
Sitting down and actually reading a book right now.
02:42:28.000
My brother-in-law, who listens to you religiously with his daughters, Johnny O'Daniel.
02:42:47.000
I'll be in, I don't know when this airs, I'll be in Grand Rapids, Iowa, and Indianapolis, Helium.
02:42:59.000
April 5th, I'll be in San Diego with Paul Rodriguez, and April 25th, I'll be in San Diego with a bunch of comedians.