Comedian Joe Rogan joins Jemele to discuss his early days on the stand-up circuit, growing up in a Jewish household, and how he got his start in comedy. He also talks about what it's like dressing up as a professional football player, and what it was like growing up with three nose rings.
00:00:41.000Absolutely. Like, when people make fun of me, just the way I dress or whatever, coloring my hair, my piercings, and they're always like, is it going to change at some point?
00:00:49.000And I am hitting an age where I'm like, I can't just do a hard shift one day, but it is funny to think, like, I can't see myself at 65. With painted nails.
00:04:07.000And the one I always remember, because when I would go back to MTV for anything, they would always be like, we still passed the segment around of you doing that.
00:06:21.000I was looking at an art gallery in Philly recently that had a Dr. Seuss exhibit at it, and I forgot that Dr. Seuss had all those crazy racist drawings and stuff.
00:06:45.000Yeah, you know our crumb the like 70s sort of psychedelic comic book guy He was very popular when I was a kid living in San Francisco and then when I was an artist And I was like I used to love his stuff cuz like god this guy's so weird and then I saw some of the like the super racist ones and you like What the fuck it really is the explanation is like yeah, it's a different time He had some just weird shit, man.
00:07:23.000It's like, because his brother is super weird, and his mother is super weird.
00:07:29.000And, you know, here's this guy, like, wearing a tie, and he's a real pervert, and he's, like, openly a pervert, but, like, a brilliant artist.
00:08:14.000It's so funny when someone makes strong decisions if they change their ways.
00:08:19.000I used to drive strippers to bachelor parties to be the bouncer with zero skills to handle that whatsoever.
00:08:27.000I took the job as a fat kid that wanted to see naked girls for free.
00:08:30.000And I ended up at a bachelor party with two brothers.
00:08:33.000It was one of the brothers thing, and he was covered in swastika tattoos and all kinds of crazy shit.
00:08:39.000And the strippers were not both white, for sure.
00:08:42.000But there's also black people at this party and stuff like that.
00:08:45.000And I don't know the explanation these guys have to give, but I talked to one of their black friends and was like, hey, is it weird to ask, but these guys are all covered in swastika and racist tattoos.
00:08:57.000And they were like, oh yeah, they just got caught up in some bullshit when they were teenagers.
00:10:23.000The director, who apparently was a lunatic, him and Edward Norton fought the whole time over how the movie should go.
00:10:29.000But the director's ending he wanted to do was after the brother gets shot by the black kid, they were going to show Edward Norton in the mirror.
00:10:38.000And then with the big swastika tattoo on him, and then he was going to smirk in the mirror and walk off.
00:10:42.000I was like, they should have played Back in Black after that.
00:10:47.000He's back, and he's racister than ever.
00:11:32.000Was the movie was a John Singleton movie No, no, no, no was the one on the school campus Why am I blanking on it?
00:11:42.000Omar Epps was in it Tyra Banks was it it Michael Rappaport was great in it higher learning Absolutely, I took this girl see higher learning and the movie is great at the end of the movie Michael Rappaport Goes crazy becomes he gets roped into being a white supremacist With the skinhead group on campus.
00:15:38.000But what it whittles down to, it's apparently from the videos I watched beyond, like this show explained, because I look at all those, and it was like an anti-toxic masculinity message.
00:15:51.000And the idea was just like, the kids watched porn, and his dad's a tough guy, so that's why he thought he can kill a woman, or why he can kill a girl.
00:16:01.000Wow. And they shout out, and again, I don't know a lot of this guy's stuff other than...
00:16:06.000The basic idea, but they shout out Andrew Tate.
00:16:08.000And when I heard that name, I was like, oh, that's what this is.
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00:17:41.000I had my little dad, lots of mom, just tendencies.
00:17:47.000And save my ass from really being as twirly as possible without being into cocks.
00:17:57.000I mean, I was right there prying for the take and I'm sitting there laying on my tummy as a kid watching Falcon Crest in Dallas with my mom.
00:18:09.000That's what I know Lorenzo Lama's from.
00:18:11.000Falcon Crest, not Renegade like everybody else.
00:18:14.000Was Renegade the one where he was the karate guy?
00:18:16.000He was the karate guy, but he was a bounty hunter.
00:18:57.000He's had a ton of fucking series, those weird series that you like flip through in the middle of the night like he's a motorcycle detective or something.
00:19:42.000Your brain starts playing tricks on you, and you think your lips aren't big enough, and your tits aren't big enough, and your face is, you know, like there's some skin on the side of your ears.
00:19:50.000You can pull it back, and you tuck this and pull that, and my ass would stick out more if they put the implants in, and that would probably get me a better guy.
00:20:01.000If the audience will pay for it, I'll get a fat ass.
00:20:03.000Let's find out what they do, because I'm bewildered.
00:20:06.000So I know that there's an operation where they take fat out of other parts of your body and they stuff it in your ass, and your ass looks like a bag of cheese.
00:21:14.000Now you're going to want to be gentle when you take a shit for the next three weeks.
00:21:17.000The rest will be reabsorbed by the body over time.
00:21:20.000The results you see immediately after surgery and in the weeks following are not permanent.
00:21:23.000Around 90 days post-op, your butt will finally stabilize into its new shape and size.
00:21:32.000The procedure itself is semi-permanent as opposed to permanent.
00:21:35.000As your body responds to natural aging process and normal weight fluctuations, so too will your buttocks.
00:21:40.000Depending on the precautions you take during your recovery and the lifespan you maintain in the time following, your BBL may last several years to even decades.
00:21:49.000I saw a dude at the mall the other day with a BBL.
00:22:30.000This was my question because I know there's an implant as well.
00:22:33.000Yeah. So there's butt implants, which is kind of even crazier because then you're taking the risk of having something, a foreign object in your ass where everyone's scared to get cancer.
00:22:44.000Like, if you're scared to get cancer, what's the place you're scared to get the cancer the most?
00:23:58.000Butt augmentation is most commonly performed by fat injections, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:24:05.000While men can do, like women, synthetic fillers and fat injections, they often are less tolerant of the procedures that require multiple treatments and whose effects are more modest.
00:24:26.000Interesting. They're often smaller and flatter buttocks, are more resistant to augmentation efforts, with stronger intergluteal muscles and a thinner subcutaneous fat layer.
00:24:38.000So he's saying, I can do it to dudes, but it's not gonna come out good.
00:24:41.000Isn't it crazy that the only real endgame of this, because like, what's the benefit in your life?
00:26:42.000I drop my pants, and I also have Dr. Dick, you know, like it's like I'm also a guy, so I'm like shit, and you can't like I didn't want to try to like fluff it up.
00:26:50.000Yeah, fluff it before he walks in, it's weird too.
00:26:51.000Just put a rubber band around your balls.
00:26:54.000So I, um, he fucking comes in and he's like, drop your pants, and he goes, walk over to this mirror, which I was like, oh god, don't make me do this, and I stand in front of the mirror, and he goes, On either side of my dick with his hands, and he goes, right now it looks like this, and I can make it look.
00:27:16.000And he just pushes my fat back and goes, like this.
00:27:20.000And I was like, his dick is just inches from your face.
00:28:26.000There's hundreds of cases of doctors doing this.
00:28:28.000There's doctors using their own sperm, and then people finding out on 23andMe, because it's just, like, fucking everybody in the neighborhood's related.
00:31:28.000I hope one of them didn't happen to follow me home.
00:31:31.000Well, he was not doing things that were anywhere near his home.
00:31:35.000He would go away for long stretches at a time and go back and forth, and he had all these reasons for doing so, different businesses that he did that he was involved with.
00:37:53.000He's the only guy that I could say, as a, well, there's a few others that you probably could put in that argument, that have zero movies where I'm like, eh.
00:38:01.000Oh, that have no, like, everything's good?
00:38:03.000Tarantino? There's not one that I can think of that wasn't fucking awesome.
00:38:07.000I love David Lynch, but he's made some crap.
00:38:11.000I liked a movie that you have to try to figure out, but when you can't figure it out, and other people can't figure it out, you're like, this is just a hunk of shit there.
00:38:17.000Right. You can't be so artistic that nothing makes sense.
00:38:21.000James Cameron's done some fucking bangers.
00:38:23.000Do you watch, like, I've gone through on the road and watched, like, the 25 most disturbing movies of all time.
00:38:30.000No, I don't like being disturbed that much.
00:40:02.000And this dude is a soldier who retired from the war and became a gold miner and made a little score and was trying to get to the town with his score and he runs with the Nazis.
00:40:58.000What do you think the mindset is behind like a Liam Neeson who, I mean, there's a movie comes out almost bi-monthly of him getting revenge for something.
00:43:02.000We've been introduced in that regard and whenever I see him it's the blank of like Nope.
00:43:07.000I went on stage right before him the entire tour, and he has no recollection.
00:43:14.000One time, this is a great story, we had tickets to go, or passes to go see Rob Zombie's, I think it was the Halloween, the original Halloween remake he did.
00:46:03.000Dave Chappelle I've met over the last 25 years a dozen times.
00:46:08.000I did some punch-ups on season one of Chappelle's show.
00:46:12.000He bumped me and Kurt Metzger off a weekend in the thing, but we were there, and we hung out with him there, and every time I see him still, it's...
00:52:39.000And the scene was pre-famous Jim Carrey plays a rock star junkie, and they're shooting his music video, and the song they're using is Welcome to the Jungle.
00:53:31.000Fire Marshal Bill, unless you're out of your fucking mind.
00:53:34.000I'll make a lot of concession for someone's process, but when I watch that documentary about him doing the Andy Kaufman movie, and him coming into the makeup thing every day, and really screaming and bothering the shit of everybody, you see Judd Hirsch's face in the documentary like, That's plenty.
00:53:52.000You have to get into your mode or whatever, but come on.
00:53:55.000Apparently he would go nutty if he fucked a scene up and smashed things.
00:54:15.000Well, I think when you're trying to get into a character, there's a thing that some of these guys do where they are just that guy the whole time.
00:55:23.000Like Deadwood, and then the girl, you know, she'll like lift her skirt up and you're like, God, I bet it smells like a fucking murky dungeon down there.
00:55:29.000And then when she bathes, and then there's no shower, so they have to just bathe in it and just hope that whatever's in there washes to the surface.
00:56:50.000But if I was saying, if I have to just let go of that and see what the most fun time would have been to be like a teenager in 20s, 70s, I think.
00:59:33.000He came to the cellar one time with the Dennis Hoff guy, which, uh, yeah.
00:59:38.000That was a guy of the people, like, quote-unquote celebrities who would come in that I could never pay, like, homage to and have, like, the thing that I didn't want to meet was, like, a Dennis Hoff.
01:02:30.000ACDC. It was my taking, it was my, before I had a...
01:02:35.000Porn magazines readily available to go into a bathroom or anywhere where there was a bathroom where I felt I could quietly look at porn magazines.
01:04:13.000Even if people don't pay, that music's getting out there.
01:04:16.000They're gonna maybe buy another Rolling Stones record or tickets to see the Rolling Stones.
01:04:22.000But people didn't complain about being part of Columbia House, I don't feel like, but it's like, remember when, you know, I was like Metallica getting furious about...
01:04:30.000Like LimeWire and Napster and those things.
01:04:33.000But it's like, it is sort of the same thing.
01:05:38.000When I talked to Kevin Hart in Montreal some years back and he was buying up things for the LOL Network.
01:05:50.000That he was starting, which was like, I guess, an internet network.
01:05:53.000And they made all this news because when he did the pitch show where they were pitching ideas for his network, he apparently in the room bought like four or five of them.
01:06:04.000And when I saw him that night, I was like, are these five shows you saw today?
01:06:42.000I'm... You know blown away by, you know, I watch you when you talk to Bert sometimes about that, about his like employment of so many people.
01:06:50.000Yeah. And everything like, which is great.
01:06:53.000He's got a great thing over there, but like production company, I feel like the, when you get a lot of money sometimes.
01:07:00.000Which is impressive that you haven't done this it's like you want to do almost like too much like well now I'm a producer of things and now it's like this or other businesses you want to like Start that are outside of comedy like is that what your thing was always like it was never mind like to be like a business owner or anything or some kind of like You know, where I have products or something.
01:07:18.000I think what happens is once guys realize the amount of money that they can make, they want to just make more.
01:07:25.000Sure. And it just becomes a numbers thing.
01:07:27.000You see it and you're like, oh my god, I can't believe I'm making this much money, but if I did this, then I'd make even more.
01:07:32.000But I'd rather give a friend some capital to do their special than...
01:07:38.000Unless I was taking a job and I'm going to direct this and see if I can do that.
01:08:42.000Like my alone time I look at is like the hotel, like the hotel room, just watching the bullshit that I want to watch on YouTube and doing it like that.
01:09:09.000Like, if you're doing something all day long and it's just like business stuff and it's just for money and it's not something you love, that's a different vibe, right?
01:09:18.000I'm going to get these numbers up and get this going and I'm a fucking, I'm a worker and I'm a grinder and I'm going to show you because look, I got this now and then I got that now.
01:11:05.000But, like, as long as I've been doing it, I know they just want you to come do their show, but they're like, hey, man, I do a Tuesdays at the, you know, at the stand at 6 p.m.
01:11:15.000Like, Levy can throw you $100 and stuff like that.
01:11:18.000And you're like, why do you think I'm going to come?
01:14:24.000You know, I stopped putting it at one point for the small room at the stands.
01:14:30.000When I was in town for the weekends, because, and this is no fault of theirs, I know they're just booking me because I'm home and they want me on the shows that I can do, but they would put those shows, they would book the TikTok celebrity girls, like girl comics, that were brand new in comedy, but drew the audience.
01:14:51.000And they're also young enough in comedy that they're posting their spots.
01:15:00.000And I'd go up, I mean, the second I'd get on stage, you'd see the face and groans of like, just like, a man's gonna come, what, lay it out now?
01:15:10.000And I would even try to play with that idea, do you know what I mean?
01:15:14.000Like, explain what's going on in the room.
01:15:15.000And they would just, and then my last one ever doing up there, there was an Asian girl in the front row that I was fucking with, like, going back and forth with her.
01:16:02.000And then a lady in the back of the room stood up, lady, a girl, and literally clutched her jacket together and went, you just said the R word!
01:16:10.000And I went, the manager was in the room, and I was like, take me off the schedule for the rest of this weekend up here.
01:16:53.000Because if you only do your own crowd.
01:16:55.000Like, one of the things that happens to guys is they start doing theaters, and they do real well, and then they bring a lame opening act, and then they're only playing to their crowd.
01:17:39.000Yeah, sometimes like one of the great things about the store was like you could come in there on an off night, like a Tuesday night, and do like a 1 a.m. set.
01:17:48.000And when you're doing a 1 a.m. set, there's like 25 fucking people in the room.
01:17:52.000And you just like, you get to, and they've seen everything.
01:17:56.000They've seen five hours of fucking stand-up.
01:19:49.000Also, assume that if you're booking somebody, though, that you'd have to put those rules for it's like you have to like I always like that thing it's like trust the comic to be like a professional not that they'll always come through in that regard but like You know, you can put me on stage anywhere and assume it's not gonna end with me being like, fuck you, fuck you with the audience.
01:20:44.000And there's a way to Touch on race that a super ultra-sensitive person would say is racism, and another person who's more objective would say, no, this is just making fun of the differences we all have and how crazy it is that we would think that anyone is superior to the others.
01:21:29.000Part of your job, as someone who books a fucking theater, is, okay, if you have the theater, you own the theater, you don't want anybody performing that doesn't meet your expectations, that's great.
01:21:40.000One of the funniest things is, I'm always blown away by...
01:21:44.000Is the people in the audience who are hating the show, which is fine.
01:22:05.000But when you see those faces, when they, if someone like that gets shitty, I'm always surprised how...
01:22:12.000Aggressive they are when they realize that they're the the minority, right?
01:22:17.000I mean, it's like I don't know because you're you suck and you're not funny It's such a funny thing to shift how much you can make that person an enemy of the room by just going She's saying all of you are stupid as shit Because you're laughing at it.
01:22:29.000Then just they'll hate her for you Well, there's always gonna be a you suck and you're not funny person in the world Yeah, well, that's a skill you have to get that poor girl that poor girl in a That had the video of her skitsing out on the guy in the audience.
01:23:16.000This is all like, I said, these are the lobs they throw you at a pitching practice, you know, the batting practice to fucking do crowd work.
01:23:51.000If it was someone filming her and being like, look at this.
01:23:54.000Dumb bitch or something I would be I don't know if I would have went at it because I'd be like if I talked about it I would be like it's fucked up that somebody did that like you're posting her fucking although that said I mean I've watched Pablo Francisco fall off stage 7,000 times What's that?
01:24:12.000Yeah, I've seen that too poor Pablo Funny dude though funny motherfucker Yeah, man the thing about that girl is like She ran into all of the fuck you, you're not funny people in the world.
01:24:26.000See, if you have a crowd of 200 people and you got one fuck you, you're not funny girl, that's one thing.
01:24:31.000But if you scale that out to the entire internet, that is so many fuck you, you're not funny people.
01:24:38.000And those are the ones who are going to comment.
01:24:39.000You know, there's plenty of people that saw that video, like you and me, who were like, oh, God.
01:25:24.000But just, I almost wonder, remember that was the fear.
01:25:27.000They were like, people try to create viral moments so heckling will become, like people go to comedy clubs like, I'm going to heckle and make a moment.
01:25:34.000Yeah. It's also a thing about like comics that are just trying to find a, like a lose their shit moment on stage also.
01:27:38.000He tells at one point and it's just this whole personality is just he gives off a bad vibe for sure So he sucks and this girl in the audience sucks and when he can't take any more of her heckling He just goes she's somebody you can't even get a girl.
01:27:52.000He goes you think I can't get a girl Look at these biceps and it's so it's a such a break and he means it If you look at these biceps, you'll find it pretty easily.
01:28:02.000It's so old, but this is the old Boston Comedy Club in the village.
01:29:54.000And so Sussman was looking for new clients, and he thought he saw everybody that he could see in New York at the time.
01:30:01.000And so he had a good friend that was taking a trip to Boston, and so he went with him, and he said, I'm going to set up some shows at some of these comedy clubs.
01:30:11.000So they had all the local Boston headliners, like big-name guys from the town would all perform for them.
01:30:18.000And I was working, driving limos at the time.
01:30:21.000And while I was driving, I would come up with some of my best ideas sometimes.
01:30:26.000Because, you know, I didn't listen to the radio, I would just drive.
01:30:29.000Because you couldn't listen to the radio while you had clients.
01:30:31.000And so some of my best ideas came from just driving around.
01:31:42.000But as soon as you get into it, especially when you have a manager, you just see the industry unfold.
01:31:47.000You see everyone's like, you don't have a commercial agent?
01:31:49.000You've got to go out and audition for commercials.
01:31:51.000All these things that I was like, supplementary, that I was like, instead of doing that, I'm just going to keep doing the black circuit because I make some money there.
01:31:58.000I was getting a couple bucks, enough to survive on shows.
01:32:03.000And then I'll just go hang out at the mainstream rooms at night and meet all the comics and get on when I can get on.
01:32:46.000Every other night I would still go do a spot at the cellar, and she was giving me 2 a.m. spots.
01:32:51.000And I'd have to be on set at 7 a.m., you know, 6 a.m. sometimes.
01:32:55.000And when they would get like, you know, I would take naps in between like scenes or whatever, and they would be like, why are you going and doing like stand-up so late?
01:33:03.000I'm like, oh, because this show will not be forever, and there is 50 people waiting to jump in my spot there.
01:33:09.000I mean, I'm established there right now, so it's like, when this goes away, that's the thing that's still going to be there.
01:33:15.000And so I definitely made sure, as I said, but also I didn't want to really be an actor.
01:33:19.000Well, in the 90s, it was just a money thing.
01:33:22.000You know, it was, everybody, there was two things that everybody wanted.
01:34:29.000Right, but even go back to like the Sinatras, and they said Barney Miller, Hal Linden, there's videos of him like singing on, he went on like talk shows as a singer.
01:34:40.000Wow. Because everyone had to like dance, you were like a showman.
01:34:43.000Right. There was no like focus in one direction.
01:34:47.000Yeah, so the idea that you were like, I came into comedy as a mega fan of stand-up comedy.
01:34:55.000I didn't even, like, draw lines on, you know, the people I liked more than others, and Dice was my guy for sure when I was 12, 13. I just hit him at the right time.
01:35:03.000Yeah. That I loved that, but I was such a fan of stand-up that when I got into stand-up, I only saw, like, now I didn't know what the path was to selling out comedy clubs or theaters or anything like that, but that's all it was.
01:35:15.000I didn't get into this, and I was like, oh, and then I'll have...
01:35:17.000A sitcom, and then you get told right away like...
01:36:06.000The goal was to get on a show and everybody wanted and everybody got a network deal and they were handing out deals Where you would get like a couple hundred grand you didn't have to do anything and they never even made a show and then you get another deal next year There's a bunch of guys who were always having deals and that a lot of those people when I got in the comedy I'd see those people like chest out at the comic strip.
01:36:24.000Oh, yeah and stuff but then but then Never heard of a good nothing.
01:36:28.000I mean I wouldn't name names, but I mean it was just weird to see people that were like Oh, they just got their second deal with NBC, holding deal, or...
01:36:35.000Yeah. Oh, they were convinced who was gonna go.
01:36:37.000They would tell you, like, I got a million dollar backup deal, and this and that, so they have to do my show.
01:36:57.000I've been doing it long enough to see people kind of go and be like, shit.
01:37:01.000The acting thing seems to be going, and I'm gonna go to LA or something in entertainment, like, besides stand-up is going, and they focus on that for a couple years, and then nothing really pans out from it, and they didn't keep doing stand-up.
01:37:16.000And then they're confused because I've never had my own sitcom, I've never had anything, but, like, one thing I never stopped doing was, like, working the whole time still.
01:37:25.000So it's like you're building a fan base still.
01:37:29.000A lot of people left at a time where it was like, oh, this is where you have to start, you know, they went to go to acting when everyone was like, alright, this is its podcast times now and social media times and you have to get all these things going and you connect with the audience and stuff and keep performing and like they went away and then come back and it's hard to start again.
01:37:47.000They saw a lot of guys during the writer's strike try to do it again.
01:37:50.000Because there's a few of those guys that are really good that are just writers.
01:37:54.000And they become trapped in that velvet prison of getting that, you know, you make good money, you got a great health plan, you got a nice house, got a mortgage, maybe start having kids, and you're not really a comic anymore.
01:38:08.000Now you're working on a sitcom or you're writing.
01:39:49.000They brought in a bunch of people that shouldn't have been there and the show fell apart.
01:39:54.000But I got to watch these brilliant, really funny guys get their work just shit all over by the network and have it fall apart and become just a joke.
01:40:03.000Could you have been roped into stopping stand-up?
01:40:07.000Like not doing stand-up to go in the full-time?
01:40:12.000But one thing that I did do for sure is I neglected my stand-up for a few years.
01:40:17.000When I was doing news radio all the time, the problem was in news radio in the early days, they were really long hours because we were trying to figure the show out and, you know, there was a lot of network notes.
01:40:38.000You know, if you wanted to be on the good slots, right, so what Paul Sims would call, Paul Sims is the creator of news radio, would call it the shit sandwich.
01:40:46.000So you'd have friends and married with children, and in between you'd have, like, kind of caca sitcoms.
01:41:24.000So it wasn't something like it was my golden carrot.
01:41:27.000My golden carrot was just I wanted to be a professional comic.
01:41:29.000Right. And then as I was barely making money as a professional comic, barely surviving, all of a sudden they're like, we'll pay you $25,000 a week.
01:42:17.000Just that lead of that, like, that you're supposed to do.
01:42:20.000Like, to me, it was sitting for whatever the 10th time, and watching, especially actors, like, walking back and forth, like, how serious they're taking getting there.
01:42:32.000And I'm just, like, holding the sides barely, and I'm like, what's, like, three lines we gotta say?
01:42:38.000And I didn't book stuff, but it's also just, like, as I'm sitting there, like, I don't know if I want to be the, you know, the trident cinnamon gum.
01:43:39.000Like talk myself into like when I would get those we're like talking head shows I think on History Channel we did like I love they were trying to do like a spoof of I love the 80s and I love the 90s they would do like I love the 1880s I love the 1890s or whatever and they would give us like history stories and write jokes and you're gonna do talking head things and I would look at it as the burden of that next day Yeah,
01:44:01.000I gotta wake up at 8 to go into the city and like To do this thing, it's never, I look at all the stuff and I'm like, it's network, it's history channel, so it's like, I can't really do exactly what it is I do.
01:44:12.000And then, because I'm gonna go as close as I can to my own voice, that like, it's probably not gonna get a lot of stuff on anyway.
01:44:19.000Yeah. But I had to really commit to myself, like, you know, there was a kid across the street from me when I lived in South Jersey for the couple years who was in a Froot Loops commercial, I said, and he said he might as well have been Brad Pitt.
01:45:05.000A couple years back now, but uh, shit, maybe like seven years, six, seven years ago.
01:45:10.000But I was the strip club DJ in that, and like I really had to go there, because I look at the, in hindsight of it, it's like, it was two 14-hour days of like nothing, so much nothing going on.
01:47:18.000And every time they yell cut, she'd put her robe on and turn around.
01:47:21.000Talk to her assistant, but I'm like, she does seem nice, and she's gonna turn around and ask me some version of how you doing, and I'm gonna say, you know, I'm just living the life of a fake strip club DJ, and that's gonna make her giggle, and then we're best friends for life.
01:47:34.000And instead of waiting for her to say anything, the next time, her eyes just crossed my eyes.
01:47:38.000I went, living the life of a fake strip club DJ.
01:48:24.000You know what's also in that movie, by the way?
01:48:26.000A young, only one song out Lizzo, and everyone was so excited for her, and I didn't know who she was, and they were talking about the celebrities that were going to be there today, and she's playing a stripper.
01:48:38.000And I was like, hmm, I'm wondering who it is.
01:48:40.000And then, hours later, my next question was, I'm like, who's the big fat stripper wearing the fishnet outfit?
01:48:52.000I was like, Christ almighty, are they making her do that?
01:48:56.000And again, it's my own fat insecurity that I put out on other people.
01:49:00.000Almost like I said that guy earlier who's like the robe open.
01:49:02.000There's gotta be guys that want to see that.
01:49:04.000I'm impressed with that because what I have is much more, which I always found interesting, Chris Farley, you know, this most famous thing ever is the Chippendale sketch with Patrick Swayze.
01:49:17.000I've always thought, and I just know this from, I'm good friends with his brother and from years of reading stuff about it, like that's...
01:49:24.000If you want to trickle back what killed him, it's essentially that.
01:51:09.000Hanging out there was always like a lot of fun people that were on the set that you got to meet and He wasn't working on the show.
01:51:16.000He was just there to hang out and so I Ran into him like during the craft service table area and he was just looked terrible and I don't know like what year did he die?
01:51:29.000I Think late 90s also So this was around 97-ish, somewhere around then.
01:51:37.000So news radio was 94 to 99. December, week before Christmas.
01:51:55.000One other time, there was a dude that I ran into at the improv, and he couldn't form sentences.
01:52:03.000He had like the same gray skin and he was talking to me, but nothing made sense But he just kept talking and he could he couldn't form sentences and I was like this is the craziest thing I've ever seen It's also weird to get into that and then still be around comedy just be around public You're hanging around with people at a bar and you you you're so gacked up You can't even form a sentence.
01:52:24.000I have a hard time with I mean I can I so I can get caught up in like the The dramatic conversation of, like, the science of comedy and, like, all the internal things and the manipulation of it.
01:52:35.000But at the end of the day, it's so silly when, like, it's taken so seriously in some way, too.
01:52:41.000It's not like, you know, unlike Daniel Day-Lewis, who has to be Lincoln all day, someone can go, Jay, they're calling your name on stage.
01:53:13.000You mess up a line, they gotta go, change the gate!
01:53:16.000They gotta do a bunch of fucking things.
01:53:17.000Yeah, and there's always someone who wants to come in and touch up your hair, and then there's fucking people moving around, and there's always so many support people, it's hard to just keep your fucking concentration.
01:53:41.000Dan Soder seems like he's always happy.
01:53:43.000It's hard to imagine him being even angry.
01:53:45.000He was talking to me about somebody who ripped off one of his jokes, and even that, the way he's talking about the guy ripping off his joke and confronting him about ripping off the joke, it's still...
01:54:53.000It sells out instantly, just because he's so good.
01:54:56.000You know, it's funny, the quietest, the people who are the most surprising, there's...
01:55:00.000Huge earning comics that you've never even heard of and stuff.
01:55:04.000I always look up, like, Shonda Pierce is a lady, just like an old lady from the South, but she's multi-millionaire, sells out, she performs at, like, churches and stuff.
01:55:17.000Really? Yeah, but it's just stand-up, and it's just, like, the most mundane, like...
01:55:24.000But it's not for me, obviously, but, I mean, with this...
01:55:28.000Kind of whatever, you know, like act that you wouldn't impress anybody, she's making millions.
01:55:49.000Even if you were religious, like, I don't want to go watch religious comedy.
01:55:52.000But it was like the most aw shuck stupid shit about, like, the guy's dumb and my wife always tells me I'm dumb and she's right.
01:55:58.000It's why Nate Bargette is so impressive to me and always has been is because he's clean in that way.
01:56:03.000You can call him a Christian comic and it doesn't matter because if you just watch the comedy, if you're not listening to all the labels being put on him, he's just brilliant.
01:57:25.000If you want to do all that other stuff too, but if you want to do all that other stuff and you call it comedy, but it's not funny, like you're doing something where you're just trying to educate people, hey, you missed the whole mark of this whole thing.
01:57:39.000And to say that that's the most important thing, the only people that would say that are people who aren't funny.
01:59:02.000Not just because I was like, you know, obviously inspired by like the Dices and stuff for the comics that I like, the dirtier guys.
01:59:07.000But I would go dirty because I found out pretty early, if you go dirty, even if you don't get the laugh because the joke wasn't good, you're going to get the groan and it was a noise.
01:59:44.000Like, what Lewis and you guys and Dave, what you guys have done is so interesting because you did it all without ever worrying about being, like, removed from YouTube.
01:59:52.000You know, because you did it all on his network, on Gas Digital.
01:59:56.000I mean, he started Gas Digital essentially for Legion of Skanks, more or less.
02:00:47.000They're not just like our fans exclusively.
02:00:50.000They're also fans of people that are willing to do real comedy in this fucking bizarre world where you're being told that the most important thing is for you to do social justice on stage.
02:01:00.000Which I shouldn't say that's the world now, because it's not.
02:04:53.000One time I was waiting outside of a doctor's office in New York and I saw a guy who was naked with his hospital gown on the floor next to him.
02:05:02.000This isn't outside of a hospital, by the way.
02:05:36.000I go, because it's like two tiny ladies, miss.
02:05:39.000And this guy's like, I'm going to have to get involved now, and I don't want to.
02:05:44.000And then the guy stood up, and he's walking towards them, and the ladies are like, first of all, already touching their guns, which is like...
02:05:58.000If you're a small woman and a naked guy is coming your way and you don't know how to fight and you have a gun, you're grabbing your gun.
02:06:05.000And the guy just went up to them and just stood about seven feet in front of them and started pissing at their feet.
02:06:11.000And then finally, another cop car came with a guy who just, I mean, got out of the car right away, grabbed him by the arms, you know what I mean?
02:06:17.000Put his arms behind his back and they put the...
02:06:19.000The thing back over him, his gown back on him.
02:09:12.000But then it starts getting, like, there.
02:09:14.000Like, she's, like, getting in a position, the girl, the only girl, I thought, when, like, the goth guy, he's rubbing, like, her pussy over the pants, and she's, like, writhing around and stuff.
02:09:52.000And I'm still just kind of laughingly going like, I get it, but like, you know, I'm doing like a, guys, I'm like, you're fucking at the table.
02:10:00.000And then it's getting shitty about it, and then I'm just like, I don't know what the problem is.
02:10:05.000I'm like that's crazy what you're doing and everything and I'm like we're not wrong here and then she was and then she goes would you have a problem if we were a straight couple and I was like I thought that was I thought that was a guy as I didn't know it wasn't a straight couple and then Whatever it all kind of calms down and then our food's coming Which is weird we still have to sit there and I go yeah I'm gonna go outside and smoke a cigarette and like regroup here a little bit biggest mistake I ever made because I went outside and I'm this is like a big glass front restaurant
02:10:35.000you know diner and I'm smoking right outside the diner and I'm watching the narrative get created in the room without me being in the room like the people behind and the staff coming up and being like the we're sorry things People have to still act like that people still act like that today and when I go back in the E I mean we are Pariahs I just feel like and then the host guy Uh, who like, you know, seats everybody as gay, and he's side-eye.
02:11:02.000It's just, it was so uncomfortable, and I was like...
02:12:42.000Oh, yeah, but I said you get wrapped up in a thing, and you're like, you're transphobic.
02:12:45.000That has nothing to do with any of this.
02:12:47.000It's a problem, because that label, you can just slap on someone when you're talking about, like, male athletes that identify as women competing in girl sports.
02:13:44.000I know you want to believe this, but if you're going to be on TV saying things, it has to make some kind of fucking sense.
02:13:51.000Female bodies are just as strong, fast, and capable as male bodies.
02:13:57.000I want all girls to know that there are elected officials like me who would never underestimate your ability to beat a boy at their own sport because that's what the premise of this bill assumes that female bodies are less than male bodies for what reason other than political gain are we spending time and taxpayer dollars on a completely made-up issue so female bodies are
02:17:59.000No one's going to hit the blanket, and if you do, you're a dick.
02:18:01.000You're just running around, so you have one less player, for real.
02:18:04.000It's just like your team has decided to be on a handicap so you can get on the news.
02:18:08.000We used to play basketball on a story every Wednesday, and Nate Bargazzi one time brought his friend Nick Novicki, who's a little person, comedian, and he brought him, and we were like, oh, he's going to play?
02:18:22.000And we let him play, and every time he'd get the ball, the defense would lay off him and let him shoot.
02:18:27.000And he'd make it or miss it, but it was what it was.
02:18:30.000And then he started, when everyone would lay off on defense, instead of shooting the ball, he'd try to run in and do a layup, and we're letting him.
02:18:38.000Until eventually Nate Bargazzi, of all people, goes over and just cleaned his shot right into the projects.
02:21:05.000But I will say, the fact you get 22 girls on a field who are not fighting the idea of like, oh, so we just got to dress like sluts to play football.
02:21:15.000They just go, yeah, we're just like sluts to play football.
02:23:26.000I mean, the funniest one for me was, again, just that blind belief I had in Kimbo Slice.
02:23:33.000I don't know why I didn't think that Roy Nelson would just hold him on the ground and mush his face until a referee was like, hey, leave him alone.
02:23:43.000If he was fighting just stand-up only, he's very dangerous.
02:23:46.000If bare-knuckle boxing was around back then, he would have been a huge star of bare-knuckle boxing.
02:23:52.000He would have fucked a lot of people up bare-knuckle boxing.
02:23:55.000But once you add in the wrestling, and Kimbo had a bunch of knee injuries from football, you can't really grapple at full capacity with knee injuries and learn grappling at 35 or however old he was.
02:24:10.000But, dude, kudos to that guy for having the courage to actually just get into the UFC Ultimate Fighter.
02:25:51.000People in the body and you would see like there's a photo of him Keith kicking Heath Herig and his fucking shin is halfway into his ribcage It's so nasty when you look at the photo of it You just go the amount of power that that guy could generate in his kicks like there was nobody like that before him and kickboxing or in MMA rather I felt so bad the first that first UFC coming back during a quarantine It was so important to everybody.
02:26:18.000I don't know if it was the first one or the second one that came out, but that was when I was like, man, you've got to really pick your timing on when you're going to shout out what you're dedicating a fight to.
02:27:01.000The cocky fighter comes in the ring to lose.
02:27:04.000Oh, there's always, like, the guy pushes the guy at the weigh-ins and starts shit at the weigh-ins and gets knocked unconscious.
02:27:08.000There was one, a guy came in the UFC cage.
02:27:11.000I forget who it was, but the way he entered the ring, he did a thing where he hung on the outside of the cage and swung into the ring and did some crazy move.
02:27:30.000The inauthenticity of your planning will come to haunt you.
02:27:34.000Yeah. Also, the shit you talk through life is also in broadcasting.
02:27:38.000As you start to get guests, it starts to haunt you.
02:27:40.000It's like the thing, like, Howard Stern had to make a gazillion apologies, I assume, by the time the guest he got on, because we've done it.
02:28:37.000This guy was making Future promises with us of what stuff he wants to do with us and hang out and come be a part of his summer festival and broadcast from there because he loves us so much.
02:28:48.000But his manager was listening the whole time and he said as soon as he left the studio, they went, those guys are not your friends.
02:31:15.000I don't know what the trickleback is, but I said, after that was going viral, the guitar, I was like, why doesn't this guy just come out and say, like, if he's kind of like, no, I get it.
02:31:26.000Like then it kind of puts people in there and stops them in their tracks and then he kind of did that he came because of course It's the worst guitar solo ever of course.
02:31:34.000That's why I'm doing it like it's funny and it's like now and Fred Durst came out to watch him do it to prove he was doing it because we're spreads Durst is smart like Howard Stern He makes him think he's his friend, but he's a way bigger enemy than I could ever be to him Because he's going like dude go make an ass of yourself in front of all these people He's a young star guy that grew up to become a man, and they're all weird.
02:32:00.000There's no way you could be a star at six years old and come out normal.
02:32:09.000Everyone that I've met, I mean, there's some really talented people like Miley Cyrus and people that were childhood stars that are cool to talk to, but they struggle.
02:32:51.000I'm not saying it's impossible to do, but I'm saying the challenge of becoming a normal person with a normal view of the world when you're getting doted on when you're six and you're the moneymaker in the house when you're a little kid, like your parents stop working to manage you, like that kind of shit.
02:34:04.000It's almost like, it looked like, oh, there you hit him with the left hand.
02:34:07.000What's really sad about it, Oh, it's horrible.
02:34:10.000It's not just people watching you fight that wigs me out so much.
02:34:14.000It's that there's something that knowing how to fight and the form of what you're doing looking any kind of good.
02:34:20.000Especially if you're street fights, I mean, when they devolve into, like, you know, like, men swinging like this, you're like, oh, man, we really all suck at the end of the day at this.
02:34:29.000Like, it's so hard to keep, like, a...
02:34:31.000A fighter's composure on a street fight.
02:34:35.000I remember watching these two guys fight in front of the comedy store.
02:34:39.000And it was across the street when the House of Blues was over there.
02:34:43.000So it was right in front in the parking lot.
02:34:45.000These guys start yelling at each other and blah, blah, blah.
02:34:47.000And they get out like almost in traffic.
02:34:50.000They're like on the sidewalk, like right where the street tumbles out.
02:34:53.000And I see these two guys facing off and I see the white guy.
02:34:58.000There's like a white guy and this looks like an out of shape.
02:35:04.000African-American fella and the white guy starts swinging with almost like with his eyes closed and then the bus goes in between them so I can't see them and then as the bus goes back the white guy's out cold flat on his back spread eagle and The black guy's already running away He's out cold.
02:35:26.000They were just squabbling in front and I don't remember how it was.
02:35:31.000I remember this, and then the bus, and then out cold.
02:35:36.000Do you have to deal with, uh, because I mean, I know from, like, when Lewis was working with Biz Bing and stuff, and he'd go to Vegas, uh, he'd be like, they were all surprised at how many drunk guys at the casino try to, like, give him shit.
02:35:46.000Oh, there's a bunch of idiots out there.
02:35:47.000I was like, do people come to you all the time?
02:36:00.000But if you're one of them and you're hanging out and you're drinking with people, yeah, there's people who used to get stupid with Chuck Liddell when Chuck Liddell was the light heavyweight champion.
02:36:07.000He was the scariest fucking human on the planet.
02:36:46.000He's just trying to pay his bill with a library card or something, where he doesn't know what's going on.
02:36:51.000And he's barking at the staff, and then someone on the staff pushes his face, and then breaks into this melee, but it's 50-something-year-old white people getting into a fight, and one guy gets him in a side headlock, useless, and then they both sort of fall down, the husband and this guy who intervenes.
02:37:10.000And the guy who intervenes eventually puts his, like, legs, you know, puts in his hooks, basically.
02:37:38.000It's just an old man, and the cops are questioning him, and they start to lose their patience because he just wants to keep telling his hero story.
02:38:33.000You just watched the video where you just grabbed him, they flopped on the ground, and laid there exhausted for ten minutes while the lady screams.
02:41:00.000And he was like, I'm the guy who gets into a situation with somebody in the street, and then I don't do anything, and then I go home, shadowbox, and call my friends and tell them all the things that I wish I did, like it actually happened.
02:41:13.000And his line was, if I did all the things I told my friends I did, my name would be Indiana Bon Jovi Balboa.
02:41:20.000When you're a kid, and you have a situation like that happen, the rest of the day, you play it in your head like, what I should have said.
02:44:42.000It's fucking ain't right, you don't want any trouble.
02:44:46.000I took ten extra minutes walking back to the car, leaving my girlfriend in the car, because I didn't want her to see how heavy I was breathing.
02:44:54.000I had to get it all back together and just come back to the car and be like...
02:45:26.000Sure. Put it up on his Instagram page today.
02:45:29.000So this cop tries a shitty double leg on this guy, and the guy knew how to fight, and the guy sprawls, and the cop tries to hit him, and the guy cracks him, and the guy tries to tell him, hey, stop.
02:48:23.000I got into a thing, a road rage thing, where I knocked a guy out.
02:48:27.000He wasn't very big, and I basically got out of the car, and he was right away, didn't want to do anything, and I mushed his face.
02:48:35.000He was drunk, and I kept mushing his face until he would throw a drunken punch, and then I hit him, and I caught him.
02:48:40.000Only time I'm in a fight in my life where I caught him, first shot, and he literally, like, folded on the ground, and then I got in my car, drove away with my current girlfriend, Christine, and when we...
02:48:51.000We got, like, a few blocks away, my, you know, my adrenaline started going down, and I was like, and so, jokingly, almost, I just look at her, and I kissed my bicep, like, one shot, and she goes, uh, she goes, she was, like, really pissed.
02:49:05.000Like, she didn't think it was funny or anything, and I was like, but it wasn't even, like, kind of hot that I just knocked that guy out with one shot, and she was like, no, like, what if you killed him?
02:49:14.000Like, his head bounced off the ground.
02:49:21.000Because I'm walking away from that like, hey, I didn't even get touched, and I got Sweet Beautiful Justice, you know, the way I'm always searching for.
02:49:27.000And she was like, no, what if he killed him?
02:49:29.000And I'm like, yeah, there is a point there for sure.
02:49:31.000I often think about that with that guy in front of the comedy store.