The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2296 - Big Jay Oakerson

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast.

00:00:02.000 Check it out.

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00:00:09.000 Big J What's happening?

00:00:18.000 Hell yeah.

00:00:19.000 You went with the three nose rings now.

00:00:20.000 You're getting crazy.

00:00:21.000 Yeah, it's getting carried away.

00:00:23.000 I went to go.

00:00:24.000 I had a cold and I think I blew my nose one of them out.

00:00:27.000 So then I went to go get it re-put back in, and I was like, throw another one in there while you're at it.

00:00:31.000 Fuck it.

00:00:32.000 It's me fighting age, I think.

00:00:34.000 Is that what it is?

00:00:35.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:00:35.000 There's something weird when you're fighting age.

00:00:37.000 Like, you know you're doing it, but you can't help it.

00:00:40.000 Oh, yeah.

00:00:41.000 Absolutely. Like, when people make fun of me, just the way I dress or whatever, coloring my hair, my piercings, and they're always like, is it going to change at some point?

00:00:49.000 And I am hitting an age where I'm like, I can't just do a hard shift one day, but it is funny to think, like, I can't see myself at 65. With painted nails.

00:00:58.000 Doing some of the stuff.

00:00:59.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:00:59.000 I don't know.

00:01:01.000 Why not?

00:01:01.000 Who gives a shit?

00:01:03.000 You can, but it's also like, I feel if I saw it, I'd have a million and one jokes about it.

00:01:07.000 Right. But still, at the end of the day, you're like, you know, I'd walk out and go, oh, I forgot my pocket scarf.

00:01:12.000 I gotta go back upstairs.

00:01:16.000 I forgot my accoutrements.

00:01:17.000 As long as you're still funny, you can pull it off.

00:01:19.000 But when you're bombing with red hair and three nose rings, it becomes an issue.

00:01:25.000 That is true.

00:01:25.000 As long as you stay funny.

00:01:26.000 That's why I think when I first started, I tried to blend in whatever I was.

00:01:29.000 I started in that black circuit, so I had so much fubu shit on.

00:01:32.000 Oh, there you go.

00:01:33.000 And just like, yeah, jerseys and stuff, so I definitely played it up.

00:01:37.000 The funniest was having a big silver chain with a cross, and I'm Jewish.

00:01:42.000 But I just really was like, I think they'll like me more if I have a cross.

00:01:44.000 When I first started, I thought you had a dress like those guys on Evening at the Improv.

00:01:47.000 So I got a blazer and I rolled the sleeves up.

00:01:50.000 And I had like a wacky t-shirt that I wore.

00:01:53.000 The costume?

00:01:54.000 Yeah, the costume.

00:01:55.000 You have a button on your blazer.

00:01:57.000 Some wacky button.

00:01:58.000 I watched all those shows growing up, Evening at the Improv, Caroline's Comedy Hour.

00:02:01.000 The evolution of comedy is insane.

00:02:05.000 It's pretty insane.

00:02:06.000 Yeah. The evolution of...

00:02:07.000 Just like the fact that these guys...

00:02:08.000 I've watched...

00:02:10.000 We'll always laugh and go back to Bill Kirshenbauer.

00:02:13.000 Do you know that?

00:02:13.000 That was the guy.

00:02:14.000 I don't remember him.

00:02:15.000 He was the coach on a sitcom.

00:02:17.000 He got a sitcom called Just the Ten of Us where he had like eight kids or something.

00:02:21.000 He was like a coach.

00:02:22.000 It was a spinoff show of some sort, but he was just like a zany comic.

00:02:26.000 He would go on stage and he was just loud and weird.

00:02:29.000 Yeah. Oh, yeah.

00:02:31.000 I remember him.

00:02:31.000 But these were the guys who made the rounds.

00:02:33.000 Right. Monologists.

00:02:36.000 Yeah. Well, it's almost like their act just got them to a sitcom.

00:02:40.000 Like, that was a real strategy back then.

00:02:42.000 You had an act that could get you to a sitcom.

00:02:45.000 That's all everybody wanted.

00:02:46.000 When I did New Faces at Montreal, my manager at the time, terrible, just gave me...

00:02:53.000 I mean, he was just pushing the old advice.

00:02:56.000 He was like, don't be yourself at all.

00:02:59.000 Like, write a set that's gonna be what's your sitcom, basically, and dress...

00:03:05.000 You know, a certain kind.

00:03:06.000 I would dress, like, for stage.

00:03:08.000 I don't know what I was...

00:03:09.000 I didn't know how to, like, what he meant in nice clothes, so I had, like, black loafers and straight-leg, like, dark blue dungarees.

00:03:17.000 And, like, a short-sleeved button-down shirt.

00:03:20.000 I'm just picturing you in black loafers on.

00:03:22.000 And a short-sleeved, like, blue button-down shirt.

00:03:27.000 It looked ridiculous.

00:03:28.000 And it was so dramatic.

00:03:30.000 It's also funny, too, doing it as long as I have now.

00:03:32.000 27 years, I think, I'm doing it.

00:03:34.000 Like, the hilarious, like, fake emotion you put into things.

00:03:38.000 I remember having...

00:03:39.000 My daughter was a baby when I did New Faces.

00:03:41.000 And talking to the picture backstage before I went on stage.

00:03:45.000 Like, alright, we're gonna go do it.

00:03:46.000 And then had a mediocre set.

00:03:48.000 And all I got from New Faces was, like, a MTV2 talking head one-off.

00:03:52.000 Like, what were they thinking?

00:03:54.000 What were they wearing?

00:03:55.000 MTV2 Presents.

00:03:56.000 You remember those things?

00:03:57.000 Where you would just start talking shit about people?

00:03:59.000 That's it.

00:04:00.000 Yeah, and they would just clip it up?

00:04:01.000 They took a...

00:04:02.000 They wouldn't...

00:04:03.000 I did a couple of them.

00:04:05.000 They didn't air most of it.

00:04:07.000 And the one I always remember, because when I would go back to MTV for anything, they would always be like, we still passed the segment around of you doing that.

00:04:15.000 What were they thinking?

00:04:15.000 Yeah. And it was Fiona Apple on an award show years ago to accept her award.

00:04:21.000 She got there and started quoting.

00:04:22.000 She's like, the great Maya Angelou or something.

00:04:24.000 And I was like, Maya Angelou?

00:04:26.000 I was like, what is she talking about Maya Angelou for?

00:04:28.000 Look, we all loved her as Wheezy Jefferson, and I enjoy her pancake syrup. 0.69

00:04:33.000 And then they were like, yo, you can't call Maya Angelou Aunt Jemima.

00:04:38.000 I'm like, but I'm kidding.

00:04:39.000 But I'm kidding, though.

00:04:40.000 I know who Maya Angelou is.

00:04:41.000 Wasn't it funny that they took Aunt Jemima off of Aunt Jemima?

00:04:45.000 But that was an actual lady who was an entrepreneur? 1.00

00:04:48.000 Yeah, and they just could get rid of it because no one's paying attention to why.

00:04:51.000 No, they just decided that Aunt Jemima was racist. 1.00

00:04:57.000 Uncle Ben?

00:04:57.000 But that's true, right?

00:04:59.000 I mean, this is not a TikTok myth, is it?

00:05:01.000 Make sure that's true.

00:05:03.000 I might have got fooled by TikTok.

00:05:05.000 I should say reels, because I'm not really on TikTok.

00:05:09.000 Whether or not Aunt Jemima was a real entrepreneur, I'm pretty sure it's true. 0.85

00:05:15.000 I think it's based on a real woman.

00:05:17.000 And I think she just was like an awesome cook and put together some fucking pancakes. 1.00

00:05:24.000 Some cray pancakes?

00:05:24.000 Yeah, there's a lady.

00:05:25.000 Nancy Green, it says.

00:05:27.000 Oh, so her name wasn't Jemima?

00:05:29.000 Right there.

00:05:30.000 That's the real lady? 1.00

00:05:31.000 I mean, this is the first ads, I guess.

00:05:33.000 You could tell me that's...

00:05:34.000 Oh, boy.

00:05:35.000 Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up.

00:05:36.000 That looks like racist propaganda.

00:05:38.000 Look at this.

00:05:40.000 Eyes in town, honey.

00:05:43.000 Okay. All arguments are out the window.

00:05:47.000 Eyes in town, honey?

00:05:48.000 Okay, unless you are an actual black person saying that, you can't write that down. 0.93

00:05:54.000 Like, you know that was some fucking egghead advertising executive to put that together.

00:06:01.000 And then the poor guy at the printing press had to keep double-checking.

00:06:04.000 He was like, are you sure we're going to do this?

00:06:06.000 I, apostrophe S?

00:06:09.000 Yes, it's how they speak.

00:06:12.000 Oh, I don't know, man.

00:06:13.000 Oh, bro.

00:06:15.000 I don't want to get involved in this.

00:06:17.000 Damn, that was a crazy picture.

00:06:19.000 I just went to a...

00:06:20.000 That's so crazy.

00:06:21.000 I was looking at an art gallery in Philly recently that had a Dr. Seuss exhibit at it, and I forgot that Dr. Seuss had all those crazy racist drawings and stuff.

00:06:30.000 Right. What were they?

00:06:32.000 What were they?

00:06:33.000 It was just a hunter with a savage with giant lips and stuff like that.

00:06:39.000 That's right.

00:06:40.000 You know what's the most crazy racist shit that caught me off guard?

00:06:43.000 It was R. Crumb.

00:06:45.000 Yeah, you know our crumb the like 70s sort of psychedelic comic book guy He was very popular when I was a kid living in San Francisco and then when I was an artist And I was like I used to love his stuff cuz like god this guy's so weird and then I saw some of the like the super racist ones and you like What the fuck it really is the explanation is like yeah, it's a different time He had some just weird shit, man.

00:07:15.000 Like, riding on giant women. 1.00

00:07:16.000 You ever see the documentary they did on him?

00:07:19.000 No, but I know what it is.

00:07:20.000 Yeah. No, I've never seen it.

00:07:21.000 It's very interesting.

00:07:23.000 It's like, because his brother is super weird, and his mother is super weird.

00:07:29.000 And, you know, here's this guy, like, wearing a tie, and he's a real pervert, and he's, like, openly a pervert, but, like, a brilliant artist.

00:07:36.000 That's great, yeah.

00:07:37.000 Really fascinating.

00:07:38.000 I've heard of it before.

00:07:39.000 It is amazing, though.

00:07:40.000 I went to a...

00:07:42.000 A musician, a musician's house for New Year's Eve when I first moved to New York, so 20-some years ago.

00:07:49.000 And he just invited me and Kurt Metzger.

00:07:51.000 And we went to his apartment, and it was covered in, like, Sambo paintings.

00:07:57.000 Oh, jeez.

00:07:59.000 There was, like, black people at the party.

00:08:00.000 It was just like, yeah, it's art.

00:08:02.000 And I'm like, I don't know if I'd cover my house in something.

00:08:05.000 I'd have to explain every one of them to people.

00:08:07.000 I go, no, no, no, no, no.

00:08:10.000 Yeah, you have a lot of choices.

00:08:12.000 You can have puppies, flowers.

00:08:14.000 It's so funny when someone makes strong decisions if they change their ways.

00:08:19.000 I used to drive strippers to bachelor parties to be the bouncer with zero skills to handle that whatsoever. 0.76

00:08:27.000 I took the job as a fat kid that wanted to see naked girls for free. 0.99

00:08:30.000 And I ended up at a bachelor party with two brothers.

00:08:33.000 It was one of the brothers thing, and he was covered in swastika tattoos and all kinds of crazy shit.

00:08:39.000 And the strippers were not both white, for sure.

00:08:42.000 But there's also black people at this party and stuff like that.

00:08:45.000 And I don't know the explanation these guys have to give, but I talked to one of their black friends and was like, hey, is it weird to ask, but these guys are all covered in swastika and racist tattoos.

00:08:57.000 And they were like, oh yeah, they just got caught up in some bullshit when they were teenagers.

00:09:00.000 They're good dudes.

00:09:01.000 Like, wow.

00:09:03.000 And they're still wearing short-sleeved shirts, huh?

00:09:04.000 That seems strange.

00:09:05.000 You think these guys would be wearing Terrell Owens body suits to cover that up?

00:09:10.000 It's like one of the arguments why you shouldn't be able to get a tattoo until you're 25. Is that when the brain's fully formed?

00:09:15.000 Yeah, when you're a boy.

00:09:17.000 Women mature younger, but when you're a boy, your brain is fully formed at 25, when you're able to make solid decisions. 0.99

00:09:23.000 What decisions do girls make for tattoos that are that great? 1.00

00:09:26.000 Very few swastikas.

00:09:27.000 Very few swastikas.

00:09:28.000 What are the numbers of swastikas on girls versus on dudes?

00:09:31.000 If we could Google that, please.

00:09:35.000 What percentage?

00:09:37.000 I think it's just that one girl, the character that Firuza Balk played in American History X. I just read a thing recently.

00:09:44.000 This made me laugh so hard.

00:09:46.000 You know this movie, American History X?

00:09:47.000 Yes, I remember that movie.

00:09:48.000 That movie was crazy.

00:09:49.000 Great movie.

00:09:50.000 Crazy movie.

00:09:51.000 Ending is such a question mark on it.

00:09:54.000 Right. And if you recall, he goes to prison.

00:09:57.000 He reforms himself.

00:09:58.000 He comes out.

00:09:59.000 He tries to get his brother out of that mindset of being a white supremacist.

00:10:04.000 And then he succeeds, basically, in telling him the story of what happened to him in jail.

00:10:09.000 And then the next day, he walks his brother to school.

00:10:11.000 His brother gets killed by a black kid, shoots him in the chest, and he dies, and then he goes in to save him.

00:10:17.000 Or he goes in there and just cries, screaming, like, what have I done?

00:10:20.000 You know, his brother's dead now.

00:10:21.000 And then they end the movie.

00:10:23.000 The director, who apparently was a lunatic, him and Edward Norton fought the whole time over how the movie should go.

00:10:29.000 But the director's ending he wanted to do was after the brother gets shot by the black kid, they were going to show Edward Norton in the mirror. 0.65

00:10:38.000 And then with the big swastika tattoo on him, and then he was going to smirk in the mirror and walk off.

00:10:42.000 I was like, they should have played Back in Black after that.

00:10:47.000 He's back, and he's racister than ever.

00:10:50.000 I was almost going to get it removed.

00:10:54.000 Just imagine being...

00:10:55.000 Smiling at him.

00:10:56.000 Imagine having a Schwarzenegger movie ending to American History X. That is so crazy that he wanted to do that.

00:11:03.000 I mean, not the song, but they should have played the song.

00:11:06.000 Yeah, the image of smirking.

00:11:07.000 The song would have been...

00:11:09.000 Everybody would have been so mad.

00:11:10.000 Can you imagine if you cheesed it up just at the end?

00:11:13.000 Like, you have this brilliant movie, and at the end, just total cheeseball, curveball ending.

00:11:18.000 Oh, man.

00:11:18.000 I remember taking a date to go see...

00:11:22.000 It was a girl I lost my virginity to, who was a little bit older than me, and a very hippy-dippy girl. 0.92

00:11:28.000 And we went to go see...

00:11:30.000 Oh, what the fuck?

00:11:32.000 Was the movie was a John Singleton movie No, no, no, no was the one on the school campus Why am I blanking on it?

00:11:42.000 Omar Epps was in it Tyra Banks was it it Michael Rappaport was great in it higher learning Absolutely, I took this girl see higher learning and the movie is great at the end of the movie Michael Rappaport Goes crazy becomes he gets roped into being a white supremacist With the skinhead group on campus.

00:12:01.000 Never seen that.

00:12:01.000 These guys were, I mean, like, hardcore on-campus skinheads.

00:12:06.000 But they still got loans.

00:12:09.000 It's a science fiction movie.

00:12:10.000 They're like, white power. 0.94

00:12:11.000 All right.

00:12:12.000 I got social studies in a few minutes.

00:12:15.000 On campus.

00:12:16.000 I gotta go.

00:12:16.000 Oh, my God.

00:12:17.000 Hey, can you finish nailing these crosses together?

00:12:19.000 What year is this?

00:12:21.000 95. That's so crazy.

00:12:22.000 Yeah, right when I graduated high school.

00:12:24.000 And I take her to see this movie, and it said, the movie is...

00:12:27.000 Michael Rappaport joins the skinhead group.

00:12:32.000 Black people on this campus.

00:12:33.000 A lot of things.

00:12:34.000 There's a black party going on.

00:12:35.000 I think a white kid tried to rape a girl.

00:12:39.000 Christy Swanson.

00:12:41.000 And then all the black guys go to help and beat up the kid who raped her.

00:12:45.000 And then the cops, of course, come and get mad at the black people and save the rapist.

00:12:49.000 Then Michael Rappaport goes nuts.

00:12:51.000 Goes on top of the school and starts picking off black people. 0.94

00:12:55.000 In a 90-minute arc.

00:12:57.000 Oh, yeah.

00:12:58.000 Starts picking off black people. 1.00

00:13:00.000 One of them kills Omar Epps' girlfriend, Tyra Banks.

00:13:04.000 Oh, God.

00:13:04.000 And then he gets into a fight.

00:13:06.000 Omar Epps and him get into a fist fight.

00:13:09.000 And then the cops break it up, start beating the shit out of Omar Epps.

00:13:12.000 And then Michael Rappaport pulls a gun out on the cops when they're trying to stop him.

00:13:17.000 And I know the scene's trying to be like they're trying to keep the situation calm so nothing more crazy happens.

00:13:21.000 But they're going like, it's okay, son.

00:13:24.000 Everything's going to be okay.

00:13:26.000 We're okay.

00:13:26.000 You know, while he's holding the gun, and then I think Michael Rappaport kills himself, is how that ends.

00:13:32.000 And then, at the end, there's a concert happening, and they just put the word, unlearn, across the screen.

00:13:38.000 And you can just hear black people in the audience go, what the fuck?

00:13:43.000 And I was like, yo, let's go.

00:13:45.000 Let's go.

00:13:46.000 And she was like, what?

00:13:47.000 And I was like, no, no, no, let's go.

00:13:49.000 Do not let these credits start.

00:13:50.000 Let's get in the car.

00:13:51.000 And I mean, I don't know how bad it got out there, but it was...

00:13:54.000 A lot of yelling.

00:13:56.000 It was an inflammatory movie.

00:13:58.000 There was no point in a movie where a white person got their due. 0.90

00:14:02.000 It was always like, a white person fucks over black people, and then the cops are like, you're fine.

00:14:08.000 Hey, shit happens, man.

00:14:10.000 You can make a movie like that before the internet.

00:14:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:14:13.000 You know?

00:14:15.000 Yeah, because there wouldn't be a million signature proof that this shouldn't be a thing or whatever.

00:14:21.000 Well, it was also preposterous.

00:14:25.000 Patently preposterous.

00:14:26.000 Just to argue it?

00:14:27.000 Well, if you're pretending there's a white power group on a college campus, how about ever?

00:14:32.000 Ever? Like, this is crazy.

00:14:33.000 Like, you found the one, that's what you used to study.

00:14:36.000 The one college that has a white power group in it.

00:14:38.000 And, like, open.

00:14:39.000 Openly. Openly.

00:14:40.000 What? Walking around, tattoos out.

00:14:43.000 And all the cops are openly racist.

00:14:45.000 Like, not just, like, there's a racist cop, just like there's a racist fucking postman.

00:14:50.000 You know, there's racist everything.

00:14:51.000 There's a racist dentist out there somewhere. 0.95

00:14:53.000 Yeah, but no, they make it, like, at today's meetings, like, alright, let's round up some blacks, make sure these whites are okay. 0.98

00:14:59.000 So crazy.

00:15:00.000 So crazy.

00:15:01.000 You could make a movie like that.

00:15:02.000 I think you'd still be that kind of inflammatory.

00:15:04.000 They'd go for it.

00:15:05.000 I just watched that Adolescence thing, which I thought was...

00:15:09.000 What is Adolescence?

00:15:10.000 It's this, uh, it's a four-part...

00:15:13.000 Like, miniseries on Netflix?

00:15:14.000 It's British.

00:15:16.000 I'm, like, I watch things so open-minded and just looking to be entertained that I miss messages a lot.

00:15:22.000 But by the third episode, I realized, it's about a little boy gets immediately accused of, until it starts, of killing a classmate.

00:15:31.000 And he's getting arrested.

00:15:32.000 Each episode is one shot to make it like a play.

00:15:35.000 And the acting is unbelievable.

00:15:38.000 But what it whittles down to, it's apparently from the videos I watched beyond, like this show explained, because I look at all those, and it was like an anti-toxic masculinity message.

00:15:51.000 And the idea was just like, the kids watched porn, and his dad's a tough guy, so that's why he thought he can kill a woman, or why he can kill a girl.

00:16:01.000 Wow. And they shout out, and again, I don't know a lot of this guy's stuff other than...

00:16:06.000 The basic idea, but they shout out Andrew Tate.

00:16:08.000 And when I heard that name, I was like, oh, that's what this is.

00:16:11.000 But here's the thing.

00:16:11.000 There is...

00:16:13.000 That could be a real guy.

00:16:15.000 Like, that's less preposterous than the white power group on campus. 0.58

00:16:18.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, no doubt.

00:16:19.000 There's kids that get radicalized.

00:16:21.000 They get an evil parent who, you know, fucking...

00:16:24.000 They didn't really make it that dad was evil.

00:16:26.000 They were making it more like the porn and, like, the idea that, like, mom should be in line and cooking.

00:16:32.000 There's guys who grow up without a mom.

00:16:34.000 Those guys can definitely, if they have a shitty dad and no mom, those guys could definitely be, and if you have a psycho in your DNA.

00:16:41.000 I had too much mom.

00:16:43.000 No, you didn't.

00:16:44.000 No, you had the perfect amount to make you.

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00:17:41.000 I had my little dad, lots of mom, just tendencies.

00:17:45.000 My step-pop, man, he swooped in.

00:17:47.000 And save my ass from really being as twirly as possible without being into cocks. 1.00

00:17:57.000 I mean, I was right there prying for the take and I'm sitting there laying on my tummy as a kid watching Falcon Crest in Dallas with my mom.

00:18:09.000 That's what I know Lorenzo Lama's from.

00:18:11.000 Falcon Crest, not Renegade like everybody else.

00:18:14.000 Was Renegade the one where he was the karate guy?

00:18:16.000 He was the karate guy, but he was a bounty hunter.

00:18:21.000 That's right.

00:18:22.000 On a motorcycle.

00:18:23.000 But wasn't he like a karate guy, too?

00:18:25.000 Oh, yeah.

00:18:25.000 I'm not making that up.

00:18:26.000 Well, no, no.

00:18:27.000 He would fight his fights with karate.

00:18:28.000 That guy was so beautiful.

00:18:30.000 He was gorgeous.

00:18:31.000 So handsome.

00:18:32.000 I know.

00:18:32.000 It really is the sadness of a guy that handsome because he got a girl that was smoking hot.

00:18:37.000 And then, what's it, Shauna Sand?

00:18:39.000 Look at him.

00:18:41.000 Yeah. Look at her hand. 0.86

00:18:42.000 I think he married Shauna Sand.

00:18:44.000 Was it a Playboy girl? 0.96

00:18:45.000 And then they break up and she gets crazy surgery.

00:18:47.000 She looks like a lunatic. 1.00

00:18:49.000 She starts doing porn.

00:18:50.000 Oh no.

00:18:53.000 And he still looks pretty great.

00:18:57.000 He's had a ton of fucking series, those weird series that you like flip through in the middle of the night like he's a motorcycle detective or something.

00:19:04.000 It's like there's a bunch of those.

00:19:06.000 How many series?

00:19:07.000 He's one of those guys that like always has a series.

00:19:09.000 I mean, the alliteration of the name, he was handsome, it was all kind of perfect.

00:19:13.000 Does he have the hair anymore?

00:19:15.000 Does he keep the long hair?

00:19:16.000 No, there's no way.

00:19:17.000 Because he's still rocking like Fabio still rocks it.

00:19:20.000 He's not letting go.

00:19:20.000 Damn. Respect.

00:19:22.000 No, see, he's got short hair.

00:19:23.000 Look at him.

00:19:24.000 Even older with white hair.

00:19:25.000 Handsome as fuck.

00:19:26.000 I mean, comparatively, too, if you look at the ex that was like his holy shit wife... 1.00

00:19:31.000 She fell apart.

00:19:32.000 They all fall apart.

00:19:34.000 That surgery is a crazy way to go because you can't see what you look like.

00:19:38.000 It's like anorexics or bodybuilders.

00:19:40.000 You get dysmorphia.

00:19:42.000 Your brain starts playing tricks on you, and you think your lips aren't big enough, and your tits aren't big enough, and your face is, you know, like there's some skin on the side of your ears.

00:19:50.000 You can pull it back, and you tuck this and pull that, and my ass would stick out more if they put the implants in, and that would probably get me a better guy.

00:19:58.000 I'd get a fat ass. 1.00

00:19:59.000 I always say I crowdsource it.

00:20:01.000 If the audience will pay for it, I'll get a fat ass. 1.00

00:20:03.000 Let's find out what they do, because I'm bewildered.

00:20:06.000 So I know that there's an operation where they take fat out of other parts of your body and they stuff it in your ass, and your ass looks like a bag of cheese. 0.89

00:20:15.000 There's bad ones.

00:20:16.000 Maybe there's good ones.

00:20:17.000 Maybe there's good ones.

00:20:17.000 Maybe I'm being judgmental.

00:20:18.000 There's probably a doctor out there.

00:20:19.000 Hey, I do it under the surface of the fat so that there's always a smooth area on top.

00:20:24.000 Some wizard with a BMW.

00:20:27.000 But at this point, there are good breast implants. 0.68

00:20:29.000 At this point, there are.

00:20:30.000 They exist.

00:20:31.000 Yes, they feel real.

00:20:32.000 But also, they look real and they don't have like the...

00:20:35.000 Where you have like the, you know, you see rib cage between them?

00:20:38.000 Yes, but here's the thing.

00:20:39.000 You are putting something that's similar to breast tissue where breast tissue would be.

00:20:46.000 So with this, your butt is a muscle, you know?

00:20:51.000 It's like muscle and fat.

00:20:53.000 A male?

00:20:54.000 Why'd you say male, Jamie?

00:20:55.000 He's a male.

00:20:56.000 How dare you?

00:20:56.000 What do you mean?

00:20:57.000 Can expect to retain anywhere from 60 to 80% of the fat that is initially transferred into the butt.

00:21:02.000 I like, when they say butt like that, I really think they're, you know...

00:21:06.000 Professional. You're talking about surgery.

00:21:09.000 Into the glutes?

00:21:10.000 You're calling butt surgery?

00:21:11.000 Yeah. What kind of a fucking doctor?

00:21:13.000 Let me see your diploma.

00:21:14.000 Now you're going to want to be gentle when you take a shit for the next three weeks.

00:21:17.000 The rest will be reabsorbed by the body over time.

00:21:20.000 The results you see immediately after surgery and in the weeks following are not permanent.

00:21:23.000 Around 90 days post-op, your butt will finally stabilize into its new shape and size.

00:21:32.000 The procedure itself is semi-permanent as opposed to permanent.

00:21:35.000 As your body responds to natural aging process and normal weight fluctuations, so too will your buttocks.

00:21:40.000 Depending on the precautions you take during your recovery and the lifespan you maintain in the time following, your BBL may last several years to even decades.

00:21:49.000 I saw a dude at the mall the other day with a BBL.

00:21:51.000 For sure?

00:21:52.000 100%. No way it's real.

00:21:53.000 Gay? Yeah. 0.88

00:21:55.000 Super. How dare you ask that?

00:21:58.000 Imagine if it wasn't a gay guy. 0.97

00:21:59.000 Imagine if straight guys start getting BBLs.

00:22:01.000 It has to exist.

00:22:03.000 It has to.

00:22:04.000 There's definitely a guy.

00:22:05.000 It's probably a whole website dedicated to normalizing straight guy BBLs.

00:22:10.000 Daddy makeover.

00:22:13.000 Just lift weights, you fucking pussy. 1.00

00:22:17.000 Just go to the gym and do the work.

00:22:20.000 Shut your mouth and stop it with your BBL. 1.00

00:22:22.000 And listen, I'll put it out there again.

00:22:23.000 Unless the crowd pays for it, I will get a fat ass. 0.99

00:22:27.000 Here's the thing.

00:22:28.000 I think there's other ways to do it.

00:22:30.000 This was my question because I know there's an implant as well.

00:22:33.000 Yeah. So there's butt implants, which is kind of even crazier because then you're taking the risk of having something, a foreign object in your ass where everyone's scared to get cancer.

00:22:44.000 Like, if you're scared to get cancer, what's the place you're scared to get the cancer the most?

00:22:47.000 Ass cancer.

00:22:48.000 You don't have to shit in a bag.

00:22:50.000 You know?

00:22:51.000 So, like, you're thinking about these plastic things that you've inserted into the muscle tissue surrounding you.

00:22:57.000 What kind of inflammation is going to be caused by that?

00:22:59.000 What about the plastic leaching into your body as you're in the sauna?

00:23:04.000 What the fuck are you doing?

00:23:06.000 Yeah. It's a weird thing.

00:23:07.000 You know, I can't believe they still have perfected dick surgery?

00:23:12.000 Dick lengthening? 0.99

00:23:14.000 They're getting surgery, but what's crazy is there are procedures, and people get them.

00:23:18.000 I couldn't imagine getting a procedure that's been done like under a thousand times.

00:23:24.000 You didn't want to be the first tonsillectomy, and that's like routine.

00:23:29.000 Isn't it kind of shocking that no one's figured out a way to make a bigger dick?

00:23:32.000 It's kind of shocking.

00:23:34.000 It is shocking.

00:23:35.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:23:35.000 I'm surprised that hasn't been a thing.

00:23:36.000 There's the butt enlargement.

00:23:40.000 Intramuscular buttock implants.

00:23:41.000 So now when they say buttock, I feel a little more comfortable.

00:23:44.000 Yeah. I feel like these are real pros.

00:23:46.000 So you're going to take those plastic...

00:23:47.000 What are those things made out of, Jamie?

00:23:49.000 Let's find out.

00:23:49.000 I'm going to tell you what, those ones are dirty.

00:23:51.000 They pulled them out of a butt. 0.77

00:23:53.000 Oh, they took them out.

00:23:53.000 He's a detransitioner.

00:23:56.000 Okay, so what does it say?

00:23:58.000 Butt augmentation is most commonly performed by fat injections, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

00:24:05.000 While men can do, like women, synthetic fillers and fat injections, they often are less tolerant of the procedures that require multiple treatments and whose effects are more modest.

00:24:26.000 Interesting. They're often smaller and flatter buttocks, are more resistant to augmentation efforts, with stronger intergluteal muscles and a thinner subcutaneous fat layer.

00:24:38.000 So he's saying, I can do it to dudes, but it's not gonna come out good.

00:24:41.000 Isn't it crazy that the only real endgame of this, because like, what's the benefit in your life?

00:24:48.000 More dick.

00:24:49.000 But it's like money.

00:24:50.000 It's like, ultimately it's like finding someone who's gonna like your weird body more.

00:24:54.000 You think it's money for dudes?

00:24:55.000 It's like, oh, for dudes.

00:24:56.000 Yeah, these are dudes.

00:24:57.000 That's a dude.

00:24:58.000 Oh, that's just gay, probably. 1.00

00:25:00.000 Gay as fuck. 1.00

00:25:01.000 Or maybe the guy was also crowdsourced and maybe they paid for it.

00:25:04.000 Maybe it's just, yeah.

00:25:07.000 Solid, ultra-soft, silicon buttock implants of 400cc were placed and a layered muscle and incision closure done.

00:25:16.000 No drains were used.

00:25:18.000 His long-term results showed good improvement.

00:25:20.000 Scroll up, please.

00:25:21.000 His buttock size and shape is even probably better in that regard than I thought could occur.

00:25:28.000 Ew. It looks fake.

00:25:31.000 Like there's a lump.

00:25:32.000 There's a lump where you have a tumor in your ass, sir.

00:25:35.000 Like look, there's like a little ridge where all of a sudden the implant is.

00:25:38.000 That's so weird that I'm staring at this guy's butt so long.

00:25:40.000 I just don't think it's the same guy.

00:25:42.000 It's the same guy.

00:25:43.000 I trust these people.

00:25:45.000 Why would the internet lie?

00:25:46.000 They're buttock people.

00:25:47.000 Why would the internet lie?

00:25:48.000 They wouldn't lie.

00:25:49.000 But the penis surgeries are like nutty things from like cutting a tendon.

00:25:55.000 Yeah, to make it just poke out a little more.

00:25:57.000 And then there's other ones where they thicken it up.

00:25:59.000 They get in there with a mesh and thicken it up.

00:26:02.000 Nice sauce.

00:26:04.000 When I was heavier even, I went to, I got a consultation, free consultation at a plastic surgeon.

00:26:10.000 I was like, I bet I'm fine with my hard dick, but I hate my soft hang sometimes.

00:26:18.000 And I was like, I bet if I got my gun sucked out, liposuctioned, it'll make it look bigger, soft, particularly.

00:26:29.000 And I'm like, so I went to the consultation.

00:26:31.000 It was a male doctor, so you're like, okay.

00:26:34.000 I mean, I knew he was going to have to look, ultimately, at one point.

00:26:37.000 But this guy takes me to the mirror.

00:26:40.000 He goes, all right, drop your pants.

00:26:42.000 I drop my pants, and I also have Dr. Dick, you know, like it's like I'm also a guy, so I'm like shit, and you can't like I didn't want to try to like fluff it up.

00:26:50.000 Yeah, fluff it before he walks in, it's weird too.

00:26:51.000 Just put a rubber band around your balls.

00:26:54.000 So I, um, he fucking comes in and he's like, drop your pants, and he goes, walk over to this mirror, which I was like, oh god, don't make me do this, and I stand in front of the mirror, and he goes, On either side of my dick with his hands, and he goes, right now it looks like this, and I can make it look.

00:27:16.000 And he just pushes my fat back and goes, like this.

00:27:20.000 And I was like, his dick is just inches from your face.

00:27:22.000 I was like, uh-huh.

00:27:24.000 And then I pulled my pants up like a victim and left the office and never even thought about it again.

00:27:29.000 That was crazy.

00:27:30.000 That's a weird look.

00:27:32.000 Just getting in there.

00:27:34.000 And then here.

00:27:34.000 I'm gonna move my face six inches from your dick, but don't worry.

00:27:39.000 I went to school.

00:27:41.000 A doctor looking up at you?

00:27:43.000 Do you like that?

00:27:44.000 I have a diploma.

00:27:45.000 You see the framed diploma?

00:27:46.000 This is fine.

00:27:47.000 This is fine.

00:27:49.000 This is a safe space.

00:27:50.000 What does your dick taste like?

00:27:51.000 I wonder.

00:27:52.000 Oh, man.

00:27:53.000 There's no way he doesn't go out and talk to those hot-ass nurses about my little wiener. 0.51

00:27:56.000 Yeah, definitely.

00:27:57.000 Oh, my God.

00:27:59.000 It smelled like cheese.

00:28:00.000 I don't know.

00:28:01.000 At this point, they expose so many people.

00:28:02.000 Do you believe anybody's genuine goodness anymore?

00:28:05.000 It's hard to believe.

00:28:06.000 You know, I went down a deep dive looking at doctors who use their own sperm in fertility clinics.

00:28:13.000 I was researching this one case.

00:28:16.000 I was just...

00:28:17.000 You know, I just wanted to find out, like, God, how'd this guy do?

00:28:20.000 How'd they catch him?

00:28:20.000 What happened?

00:28:21.000 Then I found there's, like, hundreds of cases.

00:28:23.000 Oh, yeah.

00:28:24.000 There's hundreds of cases.

00:28:26.000 There's hundreds of cases of doctors doing this.

00:28:28.000 There's doctors using their own sperm, and then people finding out on 23andMe, because it's just, like, fucking everybody in the neighborhood's related.

00:28:35.000 It's just their kink?

00:28:37.000 Just to, like, jerk off in the vials?

00:28:38.000 It's just such a crazy thing.

00:28:41.000 There's so many fucking psychos out there.

00:28:44.000 What are you going to giggle at while you're injecting a girl with your jizz? 0.99

00:28:48.000 I had this guy on yesterday that spent 25 years as an undercover FBI guy that infiltrated biker gangs and neo-Nazis.

00:28:58.000 Bro. You talk to a guy like that and you start really wondering, where's the good in the world?

00:29:05.000 How many creeps are there?

00:29:07.000 Like, how many really fucking psychotic people are out there organizing right now in the world?

00:29:13.000 That's a wild thing to go with, like, different groups undercover, though, too.

00:29:16.000 If they ever overlap someday.

00:29:18.000 Like, and you go, hey, you were a skinhead two months ago.

00:29:22.000 When'd you become a biker?

00:29:23.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:29:24.000 And this guy is...

00:29:26.000 Look at him.

00:29:27.000 I'm gonna show you a picture of him.

00:29:28.000 Just a big fucking giant dude with a goatee and pulled back hair and tattoos all over his arms.

00:29:34.000 So he like blended right in with all these psychos.

00:29:37.000 Thank God.

00:29:38.000 I used to have a...

00:29:39.000 When I was young, I had a joke about the concept of like with the hookers where you have to... 1.00

00:29:44.000 They go, well, if you ask them if they're a cop, they'll tell you.

00:29:48.000 They tell you, they have to tell you.

00:29:49.000 Or it's entrapment.

00:29:50.000 And I was like, then what the fuck is undercover work?

00:29:53.000 You guys are doing like five years?

00:29:55.000 With the mob.

00:29:56.000 And then one day they go, hey, you know, I never even asked you.

00:29:59.000 This is stupid, but are you a cop?

00:30:00.000 Like, shit, man, yeah.

00:30:02.000 I think that was like...

00:30:03.000 You were at my kids' christening.

00:30:04.000 I know, man.

00:30:06.000 You never asked.

00:30:07.000 I swore at this point I thought you were never going to ask.

00:30:09.000 I think that was like a dumb thing they made up for TV shows.

00:30:12.000 You know?

00:30:12.000 And then everybody thought it was real.

00:30:14.000 It was like some dumb plot point.

00:30:16.000 Are you a cop?

00:30:17.000 No. Yeah, of course you could say no.

00:30:20.000 Right, because the good guy who was the cop always had to be honest.

00:30:23.000 Yeah. He was never lying.

00:30:25.000 He was telling me about he had to do cocaine with these people.

00:30:29.000 They had to beat people up.

00:30:30.000 And he's like, if shit went down, man, I had to be a part of it.

00:30:33.000 The prostitutes things they would do on cops were always, they'd get in the car and they'd be like, are you a cop? 1.00

00:30:38.000 And you'd go, come on.

00:30:39.000 Do I look like a cop?

00:30:40.000 Bro, this guy got busted wearing a wire and got away with it.

00:30:44.000 Really? They didn't find the wire.

00:30:46.000 No shit.

00:30:46.000 They came that close.

00:30:47.000 He said they were inches away.

00:30:49.000 They were rubbing his clothes, like checking all his clothes.

00:30:51.000 He said they were inches away, but he was like arguing with them.

00:30:54.000 I can't fucking believe you guys, like that kind of shit.

00:30:57.000 After I mysteriously showed up three weeks ago, and now I'm working my way through the ranks.

00:31:03.000 Now you're going to start patting me down.

00:31:04.000 All right.

00:31:05.000 And I'm helping you run guns and drugs to Mexico. 0.99

00:31:08.000 Guys, I bought donuts yesterday morning.

00:31:10.000 I'm that guy.

00:31:11.000 I am your brother.

00:31:13.000 I'm the dude.

00:31:15.000 And meanwhile, they all go to jail.

00:31:16.000 Eventually. From him, they were right.

00:31:19.000 Also, when they do Undercover, it still seems like when they would go home at night still, come out of their biker clothes.

00:31:26.000 How was it, hon?

00:31:27.000 Like, these guys are animals.

00:31:28.000 I hope one of them didn't happen to follow me home.

00:31:31.000 Well, he was not doing things that were anywhere near his home.

00:31:35.000 He would go away for long stretches at a time and go back and forth, and he had all these reasons for doing so, different businesses that he did that he was involved with.

00:31:43.000 Did he ever, like, find himself...

00:31:45.000 You kind of hang with somebody that much time, and they think you're their friend.

00:31:48.000 Do they ever get sympathy for them?

00:31:50.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely.

00:31:51.000 That's one of the more fascinating parts about it.

00:31:53.000 It was like, this guy that he had to put in jail, that guy was like my friend.

00:31:58.000 He's like, we finished each other's sentences.

00:32:00.000 We were just like each other, other than the fact that he was a criminal, and I was an FBI agent.

00:32:04.000 And I was like, do you think that you could have gone down that road if you had the wrong life?

00:32:08.000 It's like, abso-fucking-lutely, man.

00:32:10.000 Abso-fucking-lutely.

00:32:11.000 All of us could have.

00:32:12.000 I go, that's what I think, too.

00:32:14.000 I think.

00:32:15.000 That's what happened to Michael Rapaport in Higher Learning.

00:32:17.000 He got in with the wrong crowd.

00:32:19.000 He was a regular guy with good intentions.

00:32:21.000 The next thing you know, he's shooting women.

00:32:24.000 Super normal in a 90-minute arc of a film.

00:32:26.000 It was so much, so fast.

00:32:29.000 How does he cheat?

00:32:30.000 Unless he's the star of the film where they follow him every step of the way.

00:32:34.000 He was a clockwork orange for black people. 1.00

00:32:36.000 Oh, boy.

00:32:38.000 For 90 minutes, you just bleh.

00:32:39.000 Yeah. Michael Rapaport is this kid that is hilarious.

00:32:44.000 It's when the cops have him at the end and they're like, son, everything's gonna be fine.

00:32:49.000 You're white. 0.95

00:32:49.000 Oh my god. 0.95

00:32:51.000 Oh my god.

00:32:53.000 Rappaport does a really good job of complaining about things.

00:32:56.000 He's always got something that he's fucking screaming and yelling about.

00:33:00.000 He's pretty hyped about Israel, it seems.

00:33:02.000 It seems like it, yeah.

00:33:03.000 I've only seemed hyped about two things.

00:33:04.000 Israel and Ari.

00:33:10.000 It's the only two things I've ever hyped about Michael Rappaport.

00:33:14.000 And also, I think the rising of the black race also, I think, pissed him off the scenes in that scene. 1.00

00:33:20.000 In that scene, but to his credit, that was the 90s.

00:33:23.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:33:23.000 Nobody knew better back then.

00:33:25.000 Well, that's so funny for him also.

00:33:26.000 If you remember his first big role, great movie called Zebrahead.

00:33:30.000 Oh, yeah.

00:33:32.000 And he was like, because that was more of his thing.

00:33:35.000 He's more of like a wigger kid. 1.00

00:33:37.000 He was in Do the Right Thing, too, right?

00:33:38.000 Was he in Do the Right Thing?

00:33:39.000 I don't know.

00:33:40.000 I don't know if he was in that.

00:33:41.000 True Romance, for sure, that was great.

00:33:43.000 When it comes to college basketball and March mania, one thing is for sure.

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00:35:06.000 Do the right thing with Spike Lee's first big hit, right?

00:35:09.000 I think he was in that.

00:35:11.000 May have been.

00:35:12.000 Was he in it, Jamie?

00:35:13.000 I didn't watch a lot of Spike Lee.

00:35:15.000 Oh, he had some bangers in the early days.

00:35:17.000 Mo' Better Blues made me feel lazy.

00:35:19.000 Because I remember Denzel Washington would practice every day.

00:35:23.000 You know, like he was an artist.

00:35:24.000 He would practice every day.

00:35:25.000 And his girl was trying to fuck. 1.00

00:35:27.000 And he was like, no, no, no, I have to practice.

00:35:29.000 And I was like, wow, I wish I was like him.

00:35:32.000 I wish I would have practiced more than pussy. 1.00

00:35:34.000 I would think about that as a comic.

00:35:35.000 Even when I was a professional comic in the early days, I didn't spend my whole day writing.

00:35:39.000 I was fucking off, playing pool, and hanging out with my friends.

00:35:43.000 You might be thinking of True Romance.

00:35:45.000 He was in that.

00:35:46.000 No, no.

00:35:47.000 I thought it was a...

00:35:48.000 Sorry, do the right thing.

00:35:50.000 His first movie was in 92. Oh, really?

00:35:53.000 Interesting. You're thinking of Danny Aiello.

00:35:56.000 I don't know who I'm thinking of.

00:35:57.000 Who am I thinking of?

00:35:58.000 Go to Do The Right Thing cast.

00:36:02.000 Turturro? Maybe I'm thinking of Turturro.

00:36:04.000 That is probably who you're thinking of, actually.

00:36:06.000 That is who I'm thinking of.

00:36:07.000 It's hard to see in that picture, but when he was younger.

00:36:09.000 That's crazy, because he's younger.

00:36:10.000 I mean, Michael's a lot younger.

00:36:13.000 But Zebrahead, yeah, he was like his whole thing. 1.00

00:36:16.000 He's like a hip-hop guy.

00:36:17.000 That's right.

00:36:18.000 So it's so funny that he plays this major role.

00:36:22.000 As like a white, fucking white supremacist.

00:36:26.000 Gotta take what you can get, you know?

00:36:28.000 It's acting, bro.

00:36:29.000 It is acting.

00:36:29.000 You think Robert De Niro really was a psycho in Taxi Driver?

00:36:32.000 No. No?

00:36:33.000 Maybe. Go watch that movie again.

00:36:35.000 You know, it's funny, the building I lived in in New York on 57th Street is the old taxi depot that they shot Taxi Driver in.

00:36:46.000 Really? And they keep downstairs, like where the gym and stuff is, they have the sign still.

00:36:51.000 They keep the original signs for the parking lot.

00:36:54.000 That was a good movie.

00:36:55.000 That was a fucking great movie.

00:36:57.000 And if Robert De Niro just never gave a political speech, I would think about him that way.

00:37:02.000 You can't make a movie like that with a budget anymore.

00:37:05.000 Every movie with balls, it has to be an indie flick.

00:37:09.000 100%, yeah.

00:37:09.000 Or you have to be some beyond reproach.

00:37:12.000 Director that they just let do whatever they wanted.

00:37:15.000 Like a Tarantino.

00:37:16.000 There's no way Once Upon a Time in Hollywood went through some sort of executive focus group.

00:37:22.000 There's no fucking way.

00:37:23.000 He's killing women, smashing their head on a mantle. 0.97

00:37:27.000 Spoiler alert.

00:37:28.000 I mean, dogs are eating dicks. 1.00

00:37:30.000 What a brilliant ending, though.

00:37:32.000 Oh, that movie's great.

00:37:34.000 It's so good.

00:37:35.000 It's so good.

00:37:36.000 I love that movie.

00:37:36.000 I don't know if I've seen that final scene where they flip history.

00:37:42.000 I've never had an audience in a movie theater, like, communally laugh like that since the Jackass movies.

00:37:46.000 Right, right.

00:37:47.000 The Jackass 2. It was a cheering moment, too.

00:37:50.000 That was a fucking great movie.

00:37:52.000 He's got all bangers.

00:37:53.000 He's the only guy that I could say, as a, well, there's a few others that you probably could put in that argument, that have zero movies where I'm like, eh.

00:38:01.000 Oh, that have no, like, everything's good?

00:38:03.000 Tarantino? There's not one that I can think of that wasn't fucking awesome.

00:38:07.000 I love David Lynch, but he's made some crap.

00:38:11.000 I liked a movie that you have to try to figure out, but when you can't figure it out, and other people can't figure it out, you're like, this is just a hunk of shit there.

00:38:17.000 Right. You can't be so artistic that nothing makes sense.

00:38:21.000 James Cameron's done some fucking bangers.

00:38:23.000 Do you watch, like, I've gone through on the road and watched, like, the 25 most disturbing movies of all time.

00:38:30.000 No, I don't like being disturbed that much.

00:38:32.000 Do you?

00:38:32.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:38:34.000 I mean, I just kind of see how far people will go in a movie.

00:38:37.000 I mean, Serbian film's the most notorious.

00:38:40.000 Yeah, there's some fucking psycho movies.

00:38:42.000 Like, who's that one, that evil clown that kills everybody and doesn't talk?

00:38:46.000 The Terrifier?

00:38:47.000 Oh, Terrifier, yeah, yeah.

00:38:48.000 Bro, these movies are fucked up.

00:38:51.000 Yeah, but they can't be on purpose.

00:38:53.000 Like, they're so over-the-top, like, violence, that it's silly.

00:38:56.000 There was a whole category of film.

00:38:57.000 I was really into horror movies when I was young, and there was a whole category of films that were just gore films.

00:39:03.000 Yeah. They were called gore.

00:39:05.000 It was so those guys would chop women up with an axe and pull their guts out and rub them all over their face. 0.92

00:39:10.000 Like, fuck!

00:39:11.000 They also had excessive nudity in them.

00:39:14.000 Those were the horror boxes at the video store that were bigger than everything else.

00:39:20.000 Like those, like I Spit on Your Grave, movies like that.

00:39:23.000 The box was way bigger, so you really had to walk up like a piece of shit.

00:39:27.000 I'm gonna watch this rape revenge movie with my other teenage friends. 0.98

00:39:30.000 Thank you.

00:39:32.000 Nothing like a good slasher rape revenge movie. 0.92

00:39:35.000 Yeah, there's so many.

00:39:36.000 Revenge movies are the fucking best.

00:39:37.000 Why is that?

00:39:38.000 We're so dumb.

00:39:39.000 We like to just sit there and watch this guy kick everybody's ass.

00:39:42.000 Yeah, fuck him up.

00:39:43.000 Yeah, it's Robocop.

00:39:44.000 I love it.

00:39:45.000 It's the fantasy.

00:39:46.000 Did you ever see Sisu?

00:39:48.000 No. I think it's my favorite.

00:39:50.000 It's next to John Wick.

00:39:51.000 It's probably right up there with John Wick as my favorite revenge movie of all time.

00:39:55.000 It's about a guy, and the whole movie has no English in it.

00:39:58.000 It's in World War II.

00:40:00.000 Is it Finland?

00:40:01.000 I think so.

00:40:02.000 And this dude is a soldier who retired from the war and became a gold miner and made a little score and was trying to get to the town with his score and he runs with the Nazis.

00:40:16.000 And it's so fun.

00:40:19.000 It's so fun.

00:40:20.000 Because you could tell this guy does not want to do this.

00:40:26.000 But he's gotta kill everybody.

00:40:29.000 And they all get cocky with him.

00:40:31.000 What do you think the mindset is?

00:40:33.000 He got gold!

00:40:37.000 Nice. So it turns out this guy was like famous in the war for being impossible to kill.

00:40:45.000 He has scars all over his body.

00:40:48.000 He's like the absolute worst guy.

00:40:51.000 And they found him.

00:40:53.000 And he kills everybody.

00:40:54.000 Spoiler alert.

00:40:55.000 And it's fucking great.

00:40:56.000 It's just fun.

00:40:58.000 What do you think the mindset is behind like a Liam Neeson who, I mean, there's a movie comes out almost bi-monthly of him getting revenge for something.

00:41:08.000 Hey, it's a living.

00:41:11.000 It's better than community theater.

00:41:13.000 Bruce Willis at the end started doing that.

00:41:15.000 Did he?

00:41:16.000 Yeah, just movies that were just like two words or something.

00:41:18.000 Well, I think he was suffering from that illness for quite a while.

00:41:23.000 You know what it is?

00:41:24.000 It's called aphasia.

00:41:25.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:41:25.000 It's dementia, right?

00:41:26.000 It's not good.

00:41:27.000 Yeah, it's bad.

00:41:29.000 It's real bad.

00:41:30.000 I don't know what causes it, whether it's genetic or what have you, but people, they slip away.

00:41:35.000 And he might have, you know, towards the end.

00:41:37.000 I mean, he just goes, this guy.

00:41:41.000 Yeah, he's got a lot of them.

00:41:42.000 They're all him with a gun.

00:41:44.000 Like, it's all him with a gun.

00:41:45.000 And here's the thing, that him with a gun shit started later in his life.

00:41:49.000 Yeah. That's what's crazy.

00:41:51.000 He became like a guy who fucks people up in his 60s.

00:41:54.000 Yeah, he was Oscar Schindler.

00:41:55.000 Like, how old is he now?

00:41:56.000 How old is he now?

00:41:57.000 He's 72 and he's fucking people up in movies.

00:42:01.000 Oscar Schindler.

00:42:02.000 Schindler's List.

00:42:03.000 Bro, when you're 72, it's hard to get out of bed.

00:42:05.000 You know, you're like, oh.

00:42:07.000 When I saw Schindler's List, it made me think of, now I give the prices of everything an amount of Jews I could have saved. 0.91

00:42:13.000 Like, how much is this TV?

00:42:15.000 Is it about 12 Jews?

00:42:17.000 It's, um, what was that you just pulled up, Jamie, that you were showing me?

00:42:20.000 They're remaking the Naked Gun.

00:42:21.000 They are?

00:42:22.000 With Liam Neeson?

00:42:23.000 I guess.

00:42:23.000 I don't know.

00:42:24.000 Well, there's a few movies that people have gotten, a few AI things passed through, and everyone takes as real.

00:42:30.000 Like, I've seen it.

00:42:31.000 Oh, right.

00:42:32.000 I believe those every day.

00:42:34.000 Yeah, I saw Keanu Reeves' Dracula, and I was like, really?

00:42:38.000 We write in like Keanu Reeves is gonna be Dracula now?

00:42:41.000 That's crazy because he was in the Dracula movie back in the day and he was Dracula's girlfriend's boyfriend.

00:42:46.000 They always get me with like a Rob Zombie's remaking something you love.

00:42:51.000 They're always listening.

00:42:54.000 Have you had him on?

00:42:55.000 Yeah, he was a cool guy to talk to.

00:42:57.000 I toured with him.

00:42:59.000 I've met him a handful of times.

00:43:00.000 He's good friends with Tom Papa.

00:43:02.000 We've been introduced in that regard and whenever I see him it's the blank of like Nope.

00:43:07.000 I went on stage right before him the entire tour, and he has no recollection.

00:43:14.000 One time, this is a great story, we had tickets to go, or passes to go see Rob Zombie's, I think it was the Halloween, the original Halloween remake he did.

00:43:26.000 Oh, yeah.

00:43:27.000 And comedian Julian McCullough had these passes, four of us.

00:43:31.000 It was going to be me, Nate Bargazzi, I'm trying to remember, Dave Smith.

00:43:37.000 Yeah, it was Dave Smith and Julia McCullough.

00:43:40.000 And I'd auditioned for a TV show the morning of that.

00:43:44.000 And it was the first audition I ever did that it went well, went really well.

00:43:49.000 And I got it.

00:43:50.000 I got the part, the show I was on for two years called Z-Rock.

00:43:54.000 But they go, this is how much acting is not my passion.

00:43:57.000 They go, we need you to come back in at like four for a table read we're going to do.

00:44:03.000 And all I thought was, I was like, shit, that Rob Zombie movie starts at like 6 o'clock.

00:44:08.000 I was like, how long are we going to be here for?

00:44:10.000 They're like, it's only been an hour or so when we get back here.

00:44:14.000 And it was going, it was running late when we got back there.

00:44:16.000 So I told Nate Bargazzi to go, I'm like, hey, go down there and get in line, you know, to make sure we get into this thing.

00:44:24.000 I don't know if they're overselling it or not.

00:44:26.000 And he goes, alright, so I get out of this thing and I'm rushing down, we're walking to this movie theater.

00:44:31.000 And I call Nate.

00:44:32.000 This is so defeating.

00:44:34.000 I go, hey, you're down there.

00:44:35.000 He goes, I don't know if I'm at the right theater.

00:44:38.000 And I went, what do you mean?

00:44:39.000 He goes, I mean, there's a big line for something.

00:44:42.000 And I was like, go get in that line, Nate.

00:44:46.000 And he was like, oh, that's it?

00:44:47.000 So we get there.

00:44:49.000 We're so far back in line, there's no way we're getting into this movie.

00:44:52.000 And I'm like, shit, Julian's very handsome.

00:44:54.000 So we sent him up to kind of schmooze the girl up front.

00:44:57.000 No dice.

00:44:58.000 And then I see Rob Zombie walk into...

00:45:01.000 The diner next door.

00:45:03.000 And I go, this might be our chance.

00:45:05.000 We just are loosely connected.

00:45:07.000 And, you know, maybe I can get him to remember.

00:45:10.000 And we go in there.

00:45:11.000 It's my best interaction with him ever.

00:45:13.000 I go up, I go, hey, Rob.

00:45:15.000 I go, Jay Oakerson.

00:45:16.000 I go, we met through Tom Papa before.

00:45:18.000 And he's like, oh, yeah.

00:45:19.000 And he shoots this shit with us for like five minutes.

00:45:22.000 And then I go, well, anyway, man, I'm really excited for the movie.

00:45:25.000 I hope we get in.

00:45:26.000 You know, we're like super far back in line.

00:45:28.000 He goes, you'll be fine.

00:45:30.000 Oh, no.

00:45:32.000 And we did not get in.

00:45:33.000 We rode a hot subway home together staring at Nate.

00:45:35.000 Oh, no.

00:45:36.000 You'll be fine.

00:45:37.000 Yeah, he goes, nah, you'll be fine.

00:45:39.000 You'll be fine as I'm not going to help you.

00:45:41.000 Yeah, it really wasn't.

00:45:42.000 Flat out, he goes, this has been great, but leave me alone now.

00:45:45.000 The thing about it, though, is, like, does he save tickets?

00:45:49.000 Like, does he have a block of tickets saved?

00:45:51.000 For sure.

00:45:53.000 For sure.

00:45:56.000 Not for the guy at the diner, though.

00:45:58.000 There's some people you just don't resonate with in the world, I think.

00:46:01.000 I don't know.

00:46:02.000 Dave Chappelle's another one.

00:46:03.000 Dave Chappelle I've met over the last 25 years a dozen times.

00:46:08.000 I did some punch-ups on season one of Chappelle's show.

00:46:12.000 He bumped me and Kurt Metzger off a weekend in the thing, but we were there, and we hung out with him there, and every time I see him still, it's...

00:46:21.000 Completely unfamiliar.

00:46:22.000 Chris Rock, same thing.

00:46:24.000 I do not make an impression with these people.

00:46:25.000 That's so weird!

00:46:26.000 I also shut down around celebrity.

00:46:28.000 Oh, maybe that's it.

00:46:29.000 So I can't inject my personality out of the gates in a situation where I'm intimidated by some...

00:46:38.000 Where I go, not intimidated, but I go, man, I really want them to like me.

00:46:42.000 Isn't that weird?

00:46:43.000 Because you know so many famous people.

00:46:45.000 But... You know what I mean by wanting to, not like me, but I go, if I try to be funny and I whiff, this sucks.

00:46:53.000 You just feel nervous.

00:46:54.000 Right, so I'm like, I could just lay low and not take the risk of being not funny by accident.

00:47:01.000 That's hilarious.

00:47:03.000 It's hard to feel like...

00:47:03.000 There's no one who intimidates you anymore?

00:47:05.000 I mean, the people you have in here and just strike a conversation with is unbelievable.

00:47:08.000 No, people don't intimidate me anymore.

00:47:10.000 They inspire me.

00:47:11.000 Some people are fascinating.

00:47:13.000 They inspire me.

00:47:14.000 Every time I have like a...

00:47:15.000 Big guests coming in that I don't know on me and Bobby Kelly on the radio show.

00:47:19.000 And someone's coming in.

00:47:20.000 I get like...

00:47:21.000 When they're like, alright, we're gonna go get them now.

00:47:22.000 I'm always like, wait.

00:47:23.000 Alright, wait.

00:47:24.000 Okay, go get them.

00:47:25.000 Because I'm like, shit.

00:47:26.000 What do we even start with?

00:47:27.000 I used to be like that on Opie and Anthony.

00:47:30.000 Yeah? Yeah, when I'd go on Opie and Anthony and they'd have famous guests there, I'd be like, holy shit.

00:47:34.000 You know?

00:47:34.000 That's this guy.

00:47:36.000 Holy shit.

00:47:36.000 That's that guy.

00:47:37.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:47:38.000 That's weird.

00:47:38.000 The first time I went there, I got bumped back to the couch for Ace Freely.

00:47:42.000 There's a part of you who's like, this sucks, but wow, it's Ace Freely.

00:47:45.000 I met Ace Freely when I was a little kid.

00:47:47.000 Really? Yeah, my uncle was an artist, and he was working for this advertising agency in New York City where they made album covers.

00:47:58.000 So they made album covers for Kiss.

00:48:00.000 So my uncle was one of the artists that made the album covers for a lot of the Kiss albums.

00:48:04.000 No shit.

00:48:05.000 Yeah, so I was in his office hanging out with him during the day.

00:48:08.000 I was probably...

00:48:10.000 8 or something like that.

00:48:12.000 I was fucking young, man.

00:48:13.000 And maybe I was a little older than that.

00:48:15.000 I can't remember.

00:48:16.000 It's hard to remember.

00:48:17.000 But I was a little kid.

00:48:18.000 It was pre-high school.

00:48:19.000 And this guy walks in with long hair, looks weird.

00:48:24.000 Just like a weird dude.

00:48:25.000 And he made some weird noise.

00:48:27.000 It was real strange.

00:48:30.000 And then everybody goes, hey, Ace.

00:48:32.000 Hey, Ace.

00:48:33.000 And I was like, what?

00:48:35.000 That's Ace Frehley with no makeup on?

00:48:38.000 This is crazy.

00:48:39.000 You look old?

00:48:40.000 And he signed a napkin for me.

00:48:43.000 Do you have it?

00:48:44.000 Yeah. Well, no, I don't think I have it anymore.

00:48:45.000 Maybe my mom might have it.

00:48:46.000 I'll ask her.

00:48:47.000 I doubt it.

00:48:48.000 It got lost somewhere.

00:48:50.000 But it was the craziest thing.

00:48:52.000 I was like, wow, that's the famous guy with no makeup.

00:48:54.000 Because everywhere they went, people were, paparazzi were always trying to catch them.

00:48:58.000 You know, like Gene Simmons would wear like a bandit's mask.

00:49:01.000 And they were always trying to catch them without their makeup on.

00:49:04.000 Has a celebrity ever let you down?

00:49:05.000 Like when you met them?

00:49:07.000 Not really.

00:49:08.000 No? Honestly, no.

00:49:10.000 No, there's not like, no, no.

00:49:12.000 I've always worried about that.

00:49:13.000 Marilyn Manson was always somebody I wanted to meet.

00:49:15.000 And then when he went through all his shit, did not want to meet.

00:49:18.000 So I was like, stay away.

00:49:19.000 But then I want to like, I very much would like him.

00:49:21.000 I think he's such an interesting character.

00:49:23.000 But like, I'm such a fan since I was a kid that I'm like, this could only let me down somehow.

00:49:28.000 I met him.

00:49:29.000 He's very interesting.

00:49:30.000 He's an artist.

00:49:31.000 Yeah. Yeah, he's a, you know.

00:49:34.000 If you think of some of the songs he's made, like Beautiful People, you don't make that unless you're out of your fucking mind.

00:49:40.000 Like, that's part of the package.

00:49:43.000 You want brilliant, fucking wild music, you gotta get a dude who's out of his fucking mind.

00:49:48.000 Do you have any theories on why people can't, like, classic, amazing bands can't make a classic again?

00:49:55.000 Comedians can still write their best joke, and it will be accepted.

00:50:00.000 Everyone's looking for that.

00:50:01.000 What's the new thing?

00:50:03.000 If Guns N' Roses got everybody back together again and sat in the room for three months, they can't make Welcome to the Jungle again.

00:50:09.000 They're not the same guys.

00:50:10.000 You know, that's part of the problem.

00:50:12.000 And then also part of the problem is I went to see Guns N' Roses in Athens.

00:50:15.000 I saw them in Greece.

00:50:16.000 It was just a total coincidence.

00:50:18.000 I was there with my family and I ran into Axl Rose at a restaurant.

00:50:23.000 This is more recent?

00:50:23.000 Real recent.

00:50:24.000 Okay. Last summer.

00:50:26.000 Yeah, like last summer?

00:50:27.000 The summer before last?

00:50:28.000 Summer before last, I guess.

00:50:29.000 And, you know, it's one of those weird moments.

00:50:31.000 I'm like, God, I hope he knows who I am.

00:50:33.000 You know what I mean?

00:50:34.000 I'm going to go say hi.

00:50:35.000 I'm going to be a dick.

00:50:36.000 And this is after my friend tried to say hi to him, and he got shooed away.

00:50:40.000 So I went over to his table, and he was like, well, hey, man, what's up?

00:50:44.000 I'm like, whew.

00:50:45.000 I go, really nice to meet you.

00:50:46.000 I'm a huge fan of this night because we're doing a concert here tomorrow night.

00:50:48.000 You want to see him?

00:50:49.000 I'm like, fuck yeah.

00:50:50.000 And so my whole family went to see Guns N' Roses.

00:50:52.000 We were backstage watching.

00:50:53.000 It was amazing.

00:50:54.000 Three-hour performance.

00:50:55.000 These guys are in their 60s.

00:50:56.000 They're fucking rocking hard.

00:50:58.000 I saw them on the new tour.

00:50:59.000 Three hours.

00:50:59.000 But the thing is, they have so many hits.

00:51:02.000 If you want them to do all the songs you love, it's going to take a long time.

00:51:07.000 And if they're going to add new songs...

00:51:09.000 Isn't it crazy, too, that it's essentially four albums?

00:51:12.000 Crazy. All of that from four albums.

00:51:14.000 Bangers! Yeah.

00:51:16.000 They did great.

00:51:17.000 I was pretty impressed with, I mean, again, the age.

00:51:21.000 Dude, Welcome to the Jungle to this day.

00:51:23.000 I'll hear that song and go, God damn, that was a fucking good song.

00:51:26.000 I took my parents to see it in Madison Square Garden, and it was such a weird...

00:51:31.000 I got so strange.

00:51:32.000 The things I get emotional about are ridiculous.

00:51:34.000 I got teary-eyed emotional when it starts Welcome to the Jungle.

00:51:37.000 They start playing the riff.

00:51:39.000 And I got immediately teary-eyed because it just took me back immediately to a time.

00:51:44.000 It was like a time travel.

00:51:45.000 And I was like, holy shit, I'm like 11, 12 years old and got this album.

00:51:49.000 And my mom was like, what is that shit, you know?

00:51:51.000 And now my mom's like here with me watching them as a classic rock band.

00:51:55.000 What year did Welcome to the Jungle come out?

00:51:58.000 87, I want to say.

00:52:00.000 86. I remember being right out of high school at the gym.

00:52:05.000 Lifting weights.

00:52:07.000 The first time I heard it, they were, you know, at the gym, everybody would just play what's on the radio.

00:52:11.000 You know, WCOZ.

00:52:14.000 And we were listening to the, I think it was WBCN, The Rock of Boston.

00:52:19.000 Appetite for Destruction, 87. Yep, so that was two years out of high school.

00:52:23.000 And I was like, wow, listen to this.

00:52:27.000 Do you know the first time I heard it, and kind of backwards tracked it from there, I think it came out, pretty sure it came out first.

00:52:34.000 Was the movie Deadpool.

00:52:36.000 Oh, yeah.

00:52:37.000 Or the Deadpool, Clint Eastwood.

00:52:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:39.000 And the scene was pre-famous Jim Carrey plays a rock star junkie, and they're shooting his music video, and the song they're using is Welcome to the Jungle.

00:52:50.000 Really? Yeah.

00:52:51.000 You can see it's a pretty popular scene.

00:52:52.000 If you look that up, the Deadpool.

00:52:56.000 The Deadpool, Jim Carrey.

00:52:57.000 When did Motley Crue come out with Kickstart My Heart?

00:53:01.000 That's probably 86. That was my favorite workout song of all time.

00:53:08.000 Look at that!

00:53:10.000 Jim Carrey.

00:53:10.000 That's Jim Carrey?

00:53:11.000 Isn't it funny?

00:53:12.000 Even though he's not being funny at all, he's still, it's like his movements are so Jim Carrey.

00:53:21.000 Like again, you don't get to be Jim Carrey unless you're out of your fucking mind.

00:53:26.000 No, no, he's showing that now too.

00:53:27.000 You don't get to be that guy.

00:53:30.000 You don't get to be...

00:53:31.000 Fire Marshal Bill, unless you're out of your fucking mind.

00:53:34.000 I'll make a lot of concession for someone's process, but when I watch that documentary about him doing the Andy Kaufman movie, and him coming into the makeup thing every day, and really screaming and bothering the shit of everybody, you see Judd Hirsch's face in the documentary like, That's plenty.

00:53:52.000 You have to get into your mode or whatever, but come on.

00:53:55.000 Apparently he would go nutty if he fucked a scene up and smashed things.

00:53:59.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:53:59.000 And it's like, That was not his personality when he was talking out of his ass cheeks.

00:54:04.000 You know what I mean?

00:54:05.000 Or when he was doing Vanilla Ice in Living Color.

00:54:08.000 You know what I mean?

00:54:09.000 What's that personality shift where you become a guy who's kind of rude to interviewers and stuff like that?

00:54:14.000 It's strange.

00:54:15.000 Well, I think when you're trying to get into a character, there's a thing that some of these guys do where they are just that guy the whole time.

00:54:23.000 Who was it that played Lincoln?

00:54:28.000 Daniel Day-Lewis.

00:54:29.000 Daniel Day-Lewis, right?

00:54:30.000 Yeah. So when Daniel Day-Lewis was playing Lincoln, he was apparently Lincoln.

00:54:33.000 Yeah, they said all day.

00:54:35.000 All day long, all the time.

00:54:36.000 Yeah. So if you're playing Andy Kaufman...

00:54:38.000 You shouldn't let him eat modern foods then.

00:54:40.000 That's catering. 0.56

00:54:41.000 Right. Here's your mutton, Mr. Lincoln.

00:54:44.000 Right, you gotta go full old school.

00:54:46.000 Shit. In a hole in the ground, sir.

00:54:48.000 We're having Chilean sea bass.

00:54:50.000 You, a bowl of gruel.

00:54:52.000 Some deer jerky.

00:54:54.000 Yeah, like...

00:54:56.000 And no teeth, no toothbrushes.

00:54:58.000 Yeah. We haven't figured out toothbrushes yet.

00:55:00.000 When did they figure out toothbrushes? 0.99

00:55:02.000 That's a good question.

00:55:03.000 Like, when did people start brushing their nasty fucking teeth?

00:55:06.000 Oh, that's something.

00:55:06.000 Can you imagine what breath smelled like in, like, the 1500s?

00:55:09.000 My producer brings it up all the time, because he watches a lot of, like, period piece shows like that, and even, like, the, uh...

00:55:16.000 Like Peaky Blinders.

00:55:17.000 What do their apples smell like?

00:55:18.000 Like those old shows, they always have like attractive people in these, like the Deadwood times.

00:55:22.000 Right, right, right.

00:55:23.000 Like Deadwood, and then the girl, you know, she'll like lift her skirt up and you're like, God, I bet it smells like a fucking murky dungeon down there. 0.55

00:55:29.000 And then when she bathes, and then there's no shower, so they have to just bathe in it and just hope that whatever's in there washes to the surface.

00:55:36.000 What did people smell like back then?

00:55:38.000 I mean, it's like prostitutes. 1.00

00:55:40.000 It's like, what's the best they could do?

00:55:42.000 By the way, they probably smelled better than the people living in the cities.

00:55:45.000 The people living in the cities were all just using public outhouses.

00:55:50.000 The cities were filled with shit from horses.

00:55:53.000 It's like, oh.

00:55:54.000 Coming home and kissing your wife at the end of the day is just a... 0.66

00:55:56.000 You're tracking shit everywhere.

00:55:59.000 And so is your dog, and so are your cats.

00:56:01.000 Everyone's tracking shit all over your house, all over your tables.

00:56:04.000 There's shit everywhere.

00:56:06.000 Yeah, just wooden floors with dirt all over them.

00:56:08.000 Oh, shit.

00:56:08.000 And just little scabs of shit everywhere.

00:56:12.000 There's just shit everywhere you go, and everyone has smallpox.

00:56:17.000 That's why, yeah, no one kidding.

00:56:20.000 Your husband died, you have to marry his brother. 0.99

00:56:22.000 That's why anybody talking about the good old days, shut your stupid mouth.

00:56:26.000 This is the good old days.

00:56:28.000 With basic hygiene?

00:56:29.000 Yeah, books and medicine and shit.

00:56:30.000 What the fuck are you talking about?

00:56:32.000 Oh, I wish I lived back in the 1600s when I died if I broke my ankle.

00:56:36.000 No, but if I could have picked a...

00:56:40.000 Again, it's so hard because moving backwards, like, well, I would take all the technology of now, of course.

00:56:45.000 Well, you can't go anywhere.

00:56:47.000 Then you can't make it like a hybrid deal.

00:56:49.000 No, no, it's not a hybrid deal.

00:56:50.000 But if I was saying, if I have to just let go of that and see what the most fun time would have been to be like a teenager in 20s, 70s, I think.

00:56:59.000 Well, um...

00:57:00.000 Just listen to Ambrosia.

00:57:01.000 Fucking, you could wear a silk shirt on ironically.

00:57:04.000 We were all real confused.

00:57:05.000 If you were chubby, no one even cared.

00:57:07.000 Chubby guys got buzzy in the 70s if he had a beard.

00:57:09.000 Did they?

00:57:10.000 As long as you had a beard and some long hair.

00:57:11.000 And you knew how to get cocaine.

00:57:12.000 Yeah. And if you knew how to get cocaine.

00:57:14.000 I'd grow a long pinky nail so people wouldn't know my house was the party spot.

00:57:19.000 Yeah, that used to be a thing.

00:57:20.000 You see a guy with a long pinky.

00:57:22.000 That long pinky nail was like, oh, that guy parties. 0.89

00:57:24.000 That was like when there was a bad guy in the movie, he had a long pinky.

00:57:27.000 A long pinky nail.

00:57:28.000 Yeah. Which is so gross.

00:57:29.000 That's so disgusting.

00:57:32.000 That's how bad people want cocaine.

00:57:34.000 They'll snort it off some dude's stinky fucking fingernail. 1.00

00:57:38.000 Oh, yeah.

00:57:39.000 I went to a...

00:57:40.000 I did a gig opening for Bobby Slayton years ago at the West Palm Improv, the old West Palm Improv.

00:57:48.000 That was a great room.

00:57:49.000 Yeah, the wide, shallow one.

00:57:50.000 Yeah, that was a great room.

00:57:51.000 And I forget the name.

00:57:53.000 Joey something was the guy who hosted.

00:57:55.000 But he was like local legend, this guy.

00:58:00.000 And he brought us back to his head.

00:58:03.000 He took us to the strip club, and it was like everyone... 0.85

00:58:06.000 Knew him kind of thing.

00:58:07.000 Yeah. And then brought girls back to his house.

00:58:09.000 And I am always impressed with the level of, like, a person who carries their morbid obesity with, like, a not-give-a-shit.

00:58:18.000 And also have no care that the girls are gonna suck his dick or fuck him because he's got coke. 1.00

00:58:26.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:58:27.000 Like, I'm bad at the, like, fuck-me-for-something thing.

00:58:30.000 But this guy, we went back to his house.

00:58:33.000 I mean...

00:58:34.000 His underwear and like a robe open.

00:58:36.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:58:37.000 With all these girls around, just giving him coke and shit. 0.83

00:58:39.000 It was wild.

00:58:39.000 But he had a cabana in the back of his house.

00:58:41.000 But the most interesting thing about him that I found out was the next day he wanted to take me somewhere to eat.

00:58:47.000 So he picked me up and he was a narcoleptic.

00:58:50.000 And every time there was a red light, he'd fall asleep and snore.

00:58:55.000 And he's driving?

00:58:55.000 Not just fall asleep, snore.

00:58:57.000 And he's driving?

00:58:57.000 Yeah, and you have to acknowledge it.

00:58:58.000 You gotta go like, hey man.

00:59:00.000 Oh my god.

00:59:01.000 Oh my god.

00:59:02.000 Hey, you okay?

00:59:02.000 And you just never acknowledge it.

00:59:03.000 You go, yeah, yeah, I'm good.

00:59:04.000 And you just go, and as soon as you hit a red light.

00:59:07.000 Like, loud, aggressive snoring.

00:59:09.000 Now, is he an actual narcoleptic, or does he have severe sleep apnea?

00:59:13.000 Because if he's a big fat guy, he's probably never rested.

00:59:16.000 Eyes closed, head goes from the shoulder.

00:59:18.000 Out cold, instantly.

00:59:19.000 Instantly. What is narcolepsy from?

00:59:23.000 Like, do, like, healthy people have narcolepsy?

00:59:26.000 Like, is there any athletes that have narcolepsy?

00:59:28.000 They said Ron Jeremy was the person who had it, and...

00:59:30.000 He's another guy who's big and fat.

00:59:32.000 That's the thing, I wonder.

00:59:33.000 He came to the cellar one time with the Dennis Hoff guy, which, uh, yeah.

00:59:38.000 That was a guy of the people, like, quote-unquote celebrities who would come in that I could never pay, like, homage to and have, like, the thing that I didn't want to meet was, like, a Dennis Hoff.

00:59:47.000 The pimp of the bunny house.

00:59:48.000 Yeah, I don't know why it was so celebrated.

00:59:50.000 I know it's, like, it's legal, but, like...

00:59:52.000 You still don't see his personality as kind of skeevy as shit?

00:59:55.000 Well, there was a weird time where, for whatever reason, they were kind of celebrating pimps and prostitutes.

01:00:03.000 Like, do you remember Pimps Up, Hoes Down? 1.00

01:00:05.000 Sure. Yeah, I mean, that was like a famous documentary.

01:00:08.000 Mr. White Folks. 0.77

01:00:08.000 Mr. White Folks, yeah. 0.77

01:00:10.000 He was the best.

01:00:11.000 Yeah, I watched all those.

01:00:13.000 But they were like celebrated.

01:00:15.000 And then there was American Pimp.

01:00:17.000 Remember that film?

01:00:18.000 Yeah. Yeah.

01:00:19.000 It was weird.

01:00:21.000 That was like the small window of pro-sexuality and go be whores, girls, and then it immediately became Me Too. 0.72

01:00:30.000 That happened immediately.

01:00:31.000 It was weird, though, because it was the exploiters of those women.

01:00:34.000 It wasn't like it's okay to be a prostitute.

01:00:37.000 It was, it's cool to be the man who exploits all these women and gets them to go be prostitutes for them. 0.78

01:00:43.000 I think it took 20-some years for people to realize that Joe Francis was a terrible guy.

01:00:46.000 You know what I mean?

01:00:47.000 He was celebrated as hell.

01:00:48.000 I just heard a...

01:00:49.000 Howard Stern clip the other day where he had Joe Francis on.

01:00:52.000 I'm sure if he asked him about Joe Francis now, he'd be like, what a terrible piece of shit.

01:00:56.000 But when Girls Gone Wild was a thing, everyone was just like, who cares how it gets done?

01:01:01.000 Yeah, that's crazy, right?

01:01:02.000 Like, Girls Gone Wild.

01:01:03.000 That's how, when the internet wasn't around, you could buy tapes of drunk girls at the bar flashing their boobs. 1.00

01:01:09.000 And you'd pay for it.

01:01:11.000 You'd pay for it.

01:01:12.000 And it had, like, a production value.

01:01:14.000 Oh, you'd pay for it, and then you were part of a subscription service that...

01:01:19.000 Is that what it was?

01:01:20.000 Yeah, and then every month it would be like, girls going wild, girls on campus too, and girls covered in bubbles.

01:01:26.000 Was it one of those things where they'd trick you into subscribing?

01:01:28.000 Yeah. It's Columbia House.

01:01:30.000 Oh, Columbia House for titties.

01:01:32.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:01:33.000 Crazy. Oh, I've ruined...

01:01:35.000 Columbia House and me have ruined the credit of my...

01:01:39.000 All my pets in my life.

01:01:40.000 Did they get in your credit?

01:01:42.000 Columbia House got in your credit?

01:01:43.000 No, no, no.

01:01:43.000 I'm saying you send the penny and you put your cat's name down and then they just send you 10 CDs.

01:01:49.000 But it doesn't ever really affect your credit.

01:01:50.000 What was the checks and balances on that?

01:01:52.000 None. I always thought that that was a fluff-up scheme for the record business where they could say they sold more records than they did.

01:01:58.000 That's possible.

01:01:59.000 That's actually not a bad move.

01:02:00.000 Kind of a good move if you want to get a gold record or a platinum record.

01:02:03.000 Sell as many as you can.

01:02:05.000 When it went up to a dollar, send a dollar.

01:02:07.000 Is where it stopped.

01:02:09.000 Enough, guys.

01:02:10.000 I'm willing to give you a penny.

01:02:11.000 Yeah, to me, a dollar really was like, no, I just usually tape a penny to a postcard.

01:02:16.000 But what a concept, too.

01:02:18.000 Tape penny here, it said.

01:02:19.000 It was the dumbest concept ever.

01:02:20.000 You give them one penny, and if you give them one penny, they give you a bunch of CDs, and you're supposed to give them money.

01:02:27.000 You're like, what?

01:02:28.000 You get to pick them.

01:02:29.000 Oh, yeah.

01:02:29.000 You pick your first tip.

01:02:30.000 ACDC. It was my taking, it was my, before I had a...

01:02:35.000 Porn magazines readily available to go into a bathroom or anywhere where there was a bathroom where I felt I could quietly look at porn magazines.

01:02:42.000 It was the TV guide.

01:02:44.000 Take the TV guide in the bathroom, do the crossword puzzle, and then pick my 10 CDs for a penny.

01:02:48.000 Because it was always an insert on the TV guide.

01:02:50.000 That's right.

01:02:51.000 It was the postcard.

01:02:52.000 Yep. Tape penny here.

01:02:53.000 And you send it in and all of a sudden you get cassette tapes are in the mail.

01:02:57.000 Oh, boy.

01:02:58.000 Yeah. Oh, boy.

01:02:59.000 It was so great.

01:03:00.000 But isn't it a smart move on their part?

01:03:02.000 Because it probably introduced people to a lot of music.

01:03:05.000 Because if you think about it, you're only listening to the radio.

01:03:08.000 The radio is only playing what they play, and they can only play so many songs, right?

01:03:11.000 And if it's a hit, they're going to play that hit over and over again.

01:03:14.000 You're going to hear this, and there's Rolling Stones, there's Led Zeppelin.

01:03:18.000 You know, you don't have a lot of time for other music.

01:03:21.000 No. So this is a good way, even if you're giving it away to people, which mostly are.

01:03:25.000 Like, what percentage, let's find this out.

01:03:27.000 What percentage of people actually paid for their Columbia record and tapes?

01:03:32.000 I think adults would definitely end up paying for it, because I think the deal was, you're giving them your address.

01:03:37.000 Right. So whatever the fake name you put down, they're billing.

01:03:39.000 I don't remember them chasing me at all.

01:03:41.000 I didn't feel it.

01:03:42.000 But what they would do, though, is send you more.

01:03:46.000 I'd get a CD every month that I wasn't picking.

01:03:50.000 It reached its peak in 1994.

01:03:51.000 It accounted for 15.1% of all CD sales.

01:03:55.000 Yeah. It had 10 million members.

01:03:57.000 You became a member of a club.

01:03:58.000 That was kind of what was happening.

01:03:59.000 Right. What percentage people paid them?

01:04:03.000 Well, I mean, it doesn't say it on here.

01:04:05.000 But if you think about just that, that's almost like more radio.

01:04:10.000 You're putting the song on the radio for free.

01:04:12.000 You're sending out these cassettes.

01:04:13.000 Even if people don't pay, that music's getting out there.

01:04:16.000 They're gonna maybe buy another Rolling Stones record or tickets to see the Rolling Stones.

01:04:22.000 But people didn't complain about being part of Columbia House, I don't feel like, but it's like, remember when, you know, I was like Metallica getting furious about...

01:04:30.000 Like LimeWire and Napster and those things.

01:04:33.000 But it's like, it is sort of the same thing.

01:04:35.000 Like, you're sacrificed.

01:04:36.000 But it wasn't for them.

01:04:37.000 But they came from a time, though, where the money was from the recording.

01:04:40.000 Yeah, but it wasn't taking away from the money of the recording because you couldn't, you know, like, it wasn't that many people doing it.

01:04:47.000 When it became something you could just download onto your computer, that got weird.

01:04:51.000 Sure. And then record sales dropped off a cliff.

01:04:54.000 So they were right in the...

01:04:56.000 Oh, no, no, for sure.

01:04:56.000 But they were wrong that you can stop it.

01:04:58.000 Like, you couldn't stop it.

01:04:59.000 Right. Once, like, they were trying to, like, put fingers into a broken dam.

01:05:04.000 There's no way.

01:05:05.000 Like, you gotta get the buck out of the way.

01:05:06.000 Like, you can't...

01:05:07.000 Once it's on the internet, when things are on the internet, you can't say it's stealing to download it to your fans.

01:05:12.000 You can't do anything.

01:05:13.000 You just gotta realize, oh, the world just changed.

01:05:15.000 The people that stand off for a while, too, like, was it Maynard?

01:05:19.000 Did not want to go on a...

01:05:21.000 Apple Music or Spotify or anything forever.

01:05:23.000 I think Garth Brooks didn't either, right?

01:05:26.000 Kid Rock didn't for a long time.

01:05:28.000 And then a lot of them would try to go and, like, I'm going to do my own Apple Music.

01:05:32.000 Jay-Z did that, right?

01:05:34.000 Yeah, Tidal.

01:05:35.000 Did that work?

01:05:37.000 You know, it's interesting.

01:05:38.000 When I talked to Kevin Hart in Montreal some years back and he was buying up things for the LOL Network.

01:05:50.000 That he was starting, which was like, I guess, an internet network.

01:05:53.000 And they made all this news because when he did the pitch show where they were pitching ideas for his network, he apparently in the room bought like four or five of them.

01:06:04.000 And when I saw him that night, I was like, are these five shows you saw today?

01:06:08.000 They're like definite shows.

01:06:09.000 And he was like, no, but it gets you press.

01:06:11.000 You know what I mean?

01:06:12.000 And he was telling me kind of like the whole thing of it.

01:06:14.000 He goes, but the idea of he was saying he was doing with that, I'm like, are you going to run a network now?

01:06:17.000 And he was like, no, you want to build it.

01:06:19.000 Until it becomes competitive, and then another company comes along and goes, can we give you money just to go away?

01:06:25.000 Is the idea, you know?

01:06:26.000 So the idea is that he wants Netflix to buy LOL or something like that.

01:06:31.000 Probably a good business move, but I don't...

01:06:33.000 Do you think like that?

01:06:33.000 No, absolutely.

01:06:33.000 Do you think like that?

01:06:34.000 No, I have no business acumen whatsoever.

01:06:37.000 Yeah, that's a weird business acumen to have.

01:06:39.000 But I'm also...

01:06:40.000 But probably effective.

01:06:42.000 I'm... You know blown away by, you know, I watch you when you talk to Bert sometimes about that, about his like employment of so many people.

01:06:50.000 Yeah. And everything like, which is great.

01:06:53.000 He's got a great thing over there, but like production company, I feel like the, when you get a lot of money sometimes.

01:07:00.000 Which is impressive that you haven't done this it's like you want to do almost like too much like well now I'm a producer of things and now it's like this or other businesses you want to like Start that are outside of comedy like is that what your thing was always like it was never mind like to be like a business owner or anything or some kind of like You know, where I have products or something.

01:07:18.000 I think what happens is once guys realize the amount of money that they can make, they want to just make more.

01:07:25.000 Sure. And it just becomes a numbers thing.

01:07:27.000 You see it and you're like, oh my god, I can't believe I'm making this much money, but if I did this, then I'd make even more.

01:07:32.000 But I'd rather give a friend some capital to do their special than...

01:07:38.000 Unless I was taking a job and I'm going to direct this and see if I can do that.

01:07:42.000 But just like the idea of...

01:07:45.000 I have to take a meeting for a sketch show that wants to be on my network today.

01:07:50.000 I'm like, I don't know.

01:07:51.000 You only have so much bandwidth.

01:07:53.000 Sure. And this is what I think people fail to think about.

01:07:57.000 You require time to do everything.

01:08:01.000 Your time is limited.

01:08:03.000 You really have to think.

01:08:04.000 Oh, I could fit it in.

01:08:05.000 Oh, I could do this.

01:08:06.000 Oh, I could do that.

01:08:07.000 Sure you can.

01:08:08.000 But then there's no you time at all, and then you're running on fumes.

01:08:11.000 And when there's no you time and you're running on fumes, you're not the best version of yourself.

01:08:15.000 So you've got to know where you're at.

01:08:17.000 You've got to know where you're at in terms of your sanity.

01:08:21.000 Like, if you're working...

01:08:23.000 All the time, five different jobs constantly, and you're never home.

01:08:27.000 You sleep till fucking seven in the morning, and then you're up gone all day and fucking going, going, going, going, going, going, going. 0.94

01:08:35.000 You don't have alone time.

01:08:37.000 If you don't have alone time, you don't even know how you feel about things.

01:08:40.000 But you also get used to odd things.

01:08:42.000 Like my alone time I look at is like the hotel, like the hotel room, just watching the bullshit that I want to watch on YouTube and doing it like that.

01:08:50.000 It is strange.

01:08:51.000 When I think I want to be off and stationary for a while, I feel like there's a day here and there where it's morning till night.

01:08:59.000 I just have nothing I have to do.

01:09:00.000 It's rare.

01:09:01.000 But when it happens that day, I tend to not be in a great mood.

01:09:04.000 Really? I don't know why.

01:09:05.000 Well, it's because what you do, you love.

01:09:07.000 And it's fun.

01:09:08.000 That's the thing.

01:09:09.000 Like, if you're doing something all day long and it's just like business stuff and it's just for money and it's not something you love, that's a different vibe, right?

01:09:16.000 That's like a hustle vibe.

01:09:18.000 I'm going to get these numbers up and get this going and I'm a fucking, I'm a worker and I'm a grinder and I'm going to show you because look, I got this now and then I got that now.

01:09:26.000 See, I'm grinding.

01:09:27.000 But as if it's a virtue.

01:09:29.000 I always try to say this is a very important thing that people need to hear.

01:09:34.000 Just because it's hard to do doesn't mean it's good to do.

01:09:37.000 There's a lot of things that are hard to do that you don't necessarily want to do.

01:09:41.000 I don't want to climb Mount Everest.

01:09:43.000 It's hard to do.

01:09:44.000 But it doesn't mean it's good to do.

01:09:45.000 It might be good to do for you because you need to prove to yourself that you can do this extremely difficult thing.

01:09:51.000 But people are dead.

01:09:52.000 There's a bunch of dead bodies up there.

01:09:54.000 That's not a good thing to do.

01:09:55.000 To me, in my opinion.

01:09:57.000 There's a lot of stuff like that in life.

01:09:59.000 And just because you can do things, I'll show everybody that I work harder than everybody else.

01:10:03.000 Maybe you shouldn't.

01:10:05.000 Sure. Like, you need balance.

01:10:08.000 You need balance in this life.

01:10:10.000 And that's hard to get once you start.

01:10:12.000 When you start making money, the big fear is, what if it all goes away?

01:10:16.000 100%. And you start clutching.

01:10:17.000 You start having famine instincts.

01:10:20.000 You're like, oh my god, what if it all goes away?

01:10:22.000 So then you start doing things that you think will ensure that it doesn't go away.

01:10:26.000 Well, it's that feeling that you feel like you're running a scam.

01:10:28.000 Yes. Because also it's something, especially with stand-up.

01:10:33.000 Putting a price on things is so strange when you're like, well, I've done it more than anything, I've done it for free.

01:10:39.000 Then, second most, I've done it for pennies.

01:10:44.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:10:45.000 It's interesting to be like, well, I've done the same job for $50 that I've done for $100,000.

01:10:51.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:10:53.000 It's a strange place to be.

01:10:55.000 And you do feel like, well, what's it going to take until...

01:10:59.000 I'm back to, like, you know, hey, you want to come do $100?

01:11:01.000 I still get affected.

01:11:03.000 And it's just Young Comics being Young Comics.

01:11:04.000 I don't mind it.

01:11:05.000 But, like, as long as I've been doing it, I know they just want you to come do their show, but they're like, hey, man, I do a Tuesdays at the, you know, at the stand at 6 p.m.

01:11:15.000 Like, Levy can throw you $100 and stuff like that.

01:11:18.000 And you're like, why do you think I'm going to come?

01:11:20.000 And why are you naming the money?

01:11:23.000 Like, if you just asked me to do the show, I'd be less hurt if you were like, I got $100 for you, too.

01:11:27.000 Like, great.

01:11:28.000 That feels weird.

01:11:30.000 They're kids.

01:11:30.000 Right. And when you're a kid, $100 is real.

01:11:33.000 So it's real to him.

01:11:35.000 Oh, shit.

01:11:35.000 Things I've done for $100.

01:11:37.000 Yeah. So it's like real money.

01:11:39.000 It's like, oh, $100 gig in town?

01:11:41.000 Great. Yeah.

01:11:42.000 And so he doesn't know any better yet.

01:11:43.000 No, no, for sure.

01:11:44.000 And like I said, I'm not insulted that they want you on the show.

01:11:47.000 That's great.

01:11:48.000 It's just the idea that you're like, $100 isn't going to sell me, dude.

01:11:52.000 Don't say that.

01:11:53.000 Well, I think he's just letting you know he'll give you something.

01:11:57.000 Sure. Oh, great.

01:11:58.000 I'll go down there.

01:11:59.000 I never write back.

01:12:00.000 I mean, that would be...

01:12:01.000 I'm not like that with Young Comics, though, at all.

01:12:03.000 I'm so bad at, like...

01:12:05.000 It's the tough time I have with Kill Tony.

01:12:07.000 I love doing it.

01:12:08.000 And I always have a great time.

01:12:09.000 But, like, the initial, like, just going at somebody.

01:12:13.000 Especially if I want to come out of the gates and make fun of them.

01:12:15.000 I almost have to have the look over of, like...

01:12:17.000 I'm just fucking around.

01:12:19.000 I know it's so difficult what you're doing right now.

01:12:21.000 A minute of comedy under the stress of how big that show is now.

01:12:24.000 And for some of them, it's the first time they've ever gone on stage.

01:12:28.000 There were some guys, the first time they ever went on stage, they went on stage in Madison Square Garden.

01:12:32.000 Yeah, that's fucking crazy.

01:12:37.000 16,000 people and they followed Dice.

01:12:40.000 What are you talking about?

01:12:42.000 Look at your phone for notes.

01:12:44.000 Hang on, Madison Square Garden.

01:12:46.000 You barely can get to the one minute mark.

01:12:48.000 What you practice in the mirror is just, everything's falling apart.

01:12:52.000 Oh yeah, the running out of time, that was the funniest.

01:12:55.000 Like, well, this is three minutes of material, or 30 seconds if it doesn't go the way I think.

01:12:59.000 Cricket, cricket, Jesus, panic.

01:13:01.000 Isn't that the biggest, to me, I felt like the biggest milestone in comedy, the action of it, I mean, was not being afraid of quiet.

01:13:11.000 Like, the crowd being dead silent.

01:13:13.000 Even if I said something that I thought was funny, and they're still dead silent, and that not being, like, frazzling.

01:13:18.000 Right. I don't get shaken by that.

01:13:20.000 That's confidence from a lot of big sets.

01:13:23.000 A lot of sets where he killed, so you're like, I know I'm good.

01:13:26.000 That's what it is.

01:13:27.000 It has to believe the thing.

01:13:27.000 It's like, I haven't, it's also like, I haven't conveyed it right then.

01:13:32.000 Yeah. Like, it's me, probably, but, like, they're not just getting what I'm thinking.

01:13:35.000 If they just saw my thoughts right now, they'd get how funny this is.

01:13:39.000 Well, here's the thing, too.

01:13:41.000 You know, you're going to run into a jazz crowd every now and then.

01:13:45.000 You know?

01:13:46.000 Sure. Like, when you go to see music, you go to see a band.

01:13:50.000 You go to see rock and roll.

01:13:51.000 You go to whatever club you're going to go.

01:13:53.000 You go to the whiskey.

01:13:53.000 It's a rock band.

01:13:54.000 We know we're going to go see this blues guy.

01:13:56.000 We're going to go see a country guy.

01:13:58.000 You go see comedy, you could get...

01:14:02.000 Taylor Swift.

01:14:03.000 You can get ACDC.

01:14:04.000 You can get anything.

01:14:05.000 You can get all kinds of shit.

01:14:06.000 You can get the Pixies.

01:14:07.000 You can get all kinds of shit when you go see comedy.

01:14:09.000 There's so many different styles.

01:14:11.000 To call it one thing is kind of weird.

01:14:13.000 And you could be a rock and roll guy and you're on stage in front of a jazz crowd.

01:14:18.000 Oh, yeah.

01:14:18.000 And they don't want your bullshit.

01:14:19.000 They don't like how loud you're being.

01:14:21.000 Why are you moving so much?

01:14:23.000 We're here to snicker.

01:14:24.000 You know, I stopped putting it at one point for the small room at the stands.

01:14:30.000 When I was in town for the weekends, because, and this is no fault of theirs, I know they're just booking me because I'm home and they want me on the shows that I can do, but they would put those shows, they would book the TikTok celebrity girls, like girl comics, that were brand new in comedy, but drew the audience.

01:14:51.000 And they're also young enough in comedy that they're posting their spots.

01:14:55.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:14:56.000 If you want to see my schedule, it's like, here.

01:14:59.000 So the room's filling up for them.

01:15:00.000 And I'd go up, I mean, the second I'd get on stage, you'd see the face and groans of like, just like, a man's gonna come, what, lay it out now?

01:15:10.000 And I would even try to play with that idea, do you know what I mean?

01:15:14.000 Like, explain what's going on in the room.

01:15:15.000 And they would just, and then my last one ever doing up there, there was an Asian girl in the front row that I was fucking with, like, going back and forth with her. 1.00

01:15:26.000 But she was great.

01:15:27.000 She was, like, into it.

01:15:28.000 She was laughing, and she was busting balls back a little bit, which was fine.

01:15:31.000 You know, she was kind of, like, playing around with it.

01:15:34.000 And then I see another girl, you know, 22 years old or whatever, 23, going into her phone.

01:15:40.000 And I was like, oh, I lost you already.

01:15:42.000 I go, I lost you.

01:15:43.000 And she goes, uh, maybe it has something to do with the Asian girl thing. 0.98

01:15:48.000 And I was like, what?

01:15:49.000 He goes, you called her Asian girl.

01:15:51.000 I was like, wait, but she's fine.

01:15:53.000 I go, are you, you're getting upset?

01:15:56.000 On her behalf, and she's fine?

01:15:58.000 And she was like, yeah?

01:16:00.000 And I was like, that's retarded. 0.97

01:16:02.000 And then a lady in the back of the room stood up, lady, a girl, and literally clutched her jacket together and went, you just said the R word!

01:16:10.000 And I went, the manager was in the room, and I was like, take me off the schedule for the rest of this weekend up here.

01:16:15.000 I go, I'm not even mad at this crowd.

01:16:17.000 I'm like, you have to give this crowd what they want.

01:16:20.000 If you put on a three-week open mic gay comic up here right now, he'd murder. 1.00

01:16:25.000 Like, read the room of what you're booking.

01:16:27.000 You know what I mean?

01:16:28.000 It's like, you have to see what's happening.

01:16:29.000 It's like, you're putting me up there.

01:16:30.000 This isn't fun for me.

01:16:31.000 And it's not fair to them.

01:16:33.000 They've been sold a show that's not what I do.

01:16:36.000 Right. So I don't have any kind of gripe on that.

01:16:38.000 I'm just like, don't put me on those shows.

01:16:39.000 Yeah, you shouldn't be on that show.

01:16:41.000 You're fucking up.

01:16:42.000 Your audience is actually going to like the club less because they think I'm the piece of shit that's always here.

01:16:48.000 But then there's another argument where you've got to kind of do...

01:16:51.000 All kinds of crowds.

01:16:53.000 Of course.

01:16:53.000 Because if you only do your own crowd.

01:16:55.000 Like, one of the things that happens to guys is they start doing theaters, and they do real well, and then they bring a lame opening act, and then they're only playing to their crowd.

01:17:04.000 Oh, yeah.

01:17:04.000 And you see the drop-off.

01:17:06.000 You see this, like, weird creativity drop-off.

01:17:08.000 You see the weird impact.

01:17:09.000 They're not killing as hard.

01:17:10.000 Everything's a little fake and forced.

01:17:13.000 Pretty noticeable and normal.

01:17:15.000 It's like normal.

01:17:16.000 It happens a lot.

01:17:17.000 If you're not doing clubs...

01:17:19.000 Well, I was gonna say, if you're in theaters, you're removed from the audience.

01:17:21.000 You gotta mix it up.

01:17:22.000 You have to be doing little rooms sometimes.

01:17:24.000 I think it's like, if you're an athlete, you have to lift weights.

01:17:27.000 You know what I mean?

01:17:28.000 I think there's something to that.

01:17:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:17:30.000 I like to go do crowds that aren't my crowds.

01:17:34.000 Plenty, you know what I mean?

01:17:36.000 But I mean, just different sizes too, right?

01:17:38.000 Oh yeah, without a doubt.

01:17:39.000 Yeah, sometimes like one of the great things about the store was like you could come in there on an off night, like a Tuesday night, and do like a 1 a.m. set.

01:17:48.000 And when you're doing a 1 a.m. set, there's like 25 fucking people in the room.

01:17:52.000 And you just like, you get to, and they've seen everything.

01:17:56.000 They've seen five hours of fucking stand-up.

01:17:58.000 They came from Kansas.

01:17:59.000 They've seen five hours of comedy, and most of the audience is gone.

01:18:02.000 It's a shame.

01:18:04.000 From a comics perspective, I mean, from a business perspective, it's great.

01:18:07.000 But, like, the Comedy Cellar, like, it's funny for people to not even know anymore or remember.

01:18:12.000 There was a time when I got into the Comedy Cellar.

01:18:14.000 There was still, when you went on at 2 o'clock in the morning, there could be 15 people in the audience.

01:18:18.000 Right. Now it's show lets people out, another show, another show.

01:18:22.000 So it's like it's always sold out and packed.

01:18:25.000 But, like, there was something, too, that was kind of like, that was the training ground.

01:18:28.000 I go up after Dave Attell almost every night of the week.

01:18:31.000 In front of 15 people was like, that was great training.

01:18:35.000 You do need that for sure.

01:18:36.000 And I still need that.

01:18:37.000 It's not so much that.

01:18:39.000 I said take me out of that room because it's always this audience.

01:18:43.000 And it's just like, you're putting them through a thing they don't need to be put through.

01:18:48.000 Downstairs isn't my audience either.

01:18:50.000 I'm just like, just put me in the room where it's not been sold as this one thing.

01:18:54.000 Well, that's the problem with some clubs that have restrictions on what you could say on the stage.

01:19:00.000 No, no, no.

01:19:01.000 You just can't book this guy.

01:19:03.000 There's a club.

01:19:04.000 Where is it?

01:19:05.000 Is it in Portland or Seattle?

01:19:07.000 There's some club that these guys got to, Duncan got to, and he sent me a photo of a list of all the things that you can't talk about.

01:19:15.000 At this club, we don't tolerate racism, sexism, transphobia.

01:19:20.000 I wonder if it's the one that...

01:19:22.000 I don't know what it is.

01:19:24.000 We probably don't even need to say the name.

01:19:26.000 I don't know the name of the place, but there was a...

01:19:29.000 But just don't book people.

01:19:30.000 Know what the fuck they do, and don't book anybody that's not you.

01:19:35.000 If you have a specific crowd you're trying to cater to, that's your prerogative.

01:19:40.000 No problem with that.

01:19:42.000 Just book the comedians that fit.

01:19:44.000 Don't have a list of shit someone can't say once they get there.

01:19:48.000 That's crazy.

01:19:49.000 Also, assume that if you're booking somebody, though, that you'd have to put those rules for it's like you have to like I always like that thing it's like trust the comic to be like a professional not that they'll always come through in that regard but like You know, you can put me on stage anywhere and assume it's not gonna end with me being like, fuck you, fuck you with the audience.

01:20:07.000 You know what I mean?

01:20:07.000 Like, we'll get out of it.

01:20:09.000 Right, you'll have fun.

01:20:10.000 Relatively pleasant.

01:20:10.000 Well, you're a guy that's very flexible on stage, which is just a huge benefit.

01:20:14.000 You can always fuck around with people and engage with the crowd.

01:20:18.000 Like, you're so good at it.

01:20:19.000 You're one of the best in the business at it, for sure.

01:20:22.000 Oh, thank you.

01:20:22.000 You're really good at it.

01:20:23.000 But it's also fun and jovial.

01:20:25.000 You know how to tie it all together.

01:20:26.000 That's a giant skill if you're doing a bunch of different kinds of rooms.

01:20:30.000 In different kinds of places.

01:20:32.000 But when a club owner or someone says that you can't breach certain topics, because that's what you're saying.

01:20:38.000 If you're saying we don't tolerate racism, listen, I don't either.

01:20:43.000 But that's not what jokes are.

01:20:44.000 And there's a way to Touch on race that a super ultra-sensitive person would say is racism, and another person who's more objective would say, no, this is just making fun of the differences we all have and how crazy it is that we would think that anyone is superior to the others.

01:21:02.000 There's ways to do that.

01:21:03.000 And to say that, you know, that's racism, we don't tolerate racism, like, well, what do you call it?

01:21:09.000 So you can't just define hate speech because that's your definition.

01:21:15.000 You force me.

01:21:16.000 To go with your definition?

01:21:18.000 Yeah, it can't be opinion-based.

01:21:20.000 It can't.

01:21:20.000 So you just gotta let people speak freely, and then you decide who you book or don't book, but know what the fuck they do.

01:21:27.000 That's part of your job.

01:21:29.000 Part of your job, as someone who books a fucking theater, is, okay, if you have the theater, you own the theater, you don't want anybody performing that doesn't meet your expectations, that's great.

01:21:40.000 One of the funniest things is, I'm always blown away by...

01:21:44.000 Is the people in the audience who are hating the show, which is fine.

01:21:49.000 That happens.

01:21:50.000 You know, some people come and they didn't know what they were coming or getting into.

01:21:52.000 Girlfriends get dragged.

01:21:54.000 Podcast fan.

01:21:55.000 Which I also tend to, like, take their side.

01:21:57.000 If I see that happening, I try to do that.

01:21:59.000 I'm like, why do you make you come?

01:22:00.000 You know, why do you put you through this kind of thing?

01:22:02.000 Is how I will usually approach that.

01:22:05.000 But when you see those faces, when they, if someone like that gets shitty, I'm always surprised how...

01:22:12.000 Aggressive they are when they realize that they're the the minority, right? 0.93

01:22:17.000 I mean, it's like I don't know because you're you suck and you're not funny It's such a funny thing to shift how much you can make that person an enemy of the room by just going She's saying all of you are stupid as shit Because you're laughing at it.

01:22:29.000 Then just they'll hate her for you Well, there's always gonna be a you suck and you're not funny person in the world Yeah, well, that's a skill you have to get that poor girl that poor girl in a That had the video of her skitsing out on the guy in the audience.

01:22:42.000 Oh, yeah.

01:22:44.000 That was unfortunate.

01:22:46.000 People piled on on her, which was actually fucked up.

01:22:49.000 She was getting a death threat.

01:22:50.000 Why would you death threaten someone who had a bad time on stage?

01:22:53.000 It seems weird.

01:22:54.000 But again, that's the situation of getting an audience before you're ready to handle all situations.

01:23:02.000 Because the thing about that was the heckle on that video is...

01:23:07.000 I mean, heckling 101 like the thing you should be able to handle is someone going, you're not funny.

01:23:12.000 I'm funny.

01:23:13.000 You want me to tell the joke?

01:23:15.000 Like, give me the microphone.

01:23:16.000 This is all like, I said, these are the lobs they throw you at a pitching practice, you know, the batting practice to fucking do crowd work.

01:23:22.000 It's day one of karate class.

01:23:23.000 Yeah, it's like, they're saying you suck and you're not funny.

01:23:25.000 Like, come on.

01:23:26.000 You know, right away, you could see him.

01:23:28.000 He's right in the front.

01:23:29.000 Like, you could pick him apart visually or ask him a few questions, make him look dumb.

01:23:33.000 There's just ways to, but...

01:23:35.000 She wasn't composed because she was leaning into that with like, well, I got this whole crowd behind me, but it just looks like a lunatic.

01:23:41.000 When she put it out to the world, everyone's like, you're crazy.

01:23:45.000 She put it out herself?

01:23:46.000 Yes. That's the only reason I thought it was fair to talk about it at all.

01:23:49.000 Yeah. Well, you know.

01:23:51.000 If it was someone filming her and being like, look at this.

01:23:54.000 Dumb bitch or something I would be I don't know if I would have went at it because I'd be like if I talked about it I would be like it's fucked up that somebody did that like you're posting her fucking although that said I mean I've watched Pablo Francisco fall off stage 7,000 times What's that? 1.00

01:24:10.000 What's that sir?

01:24:11.000 What's that said?

01:24:12.000 Yeah, I've seen that too poor Pablo Funny dude though funny motherfucker Yeah, man the thing about that girl is like She ran into all of the fuck you, you're not funny people in the world. 1.00

01:24:26.000 See, if you have a crowd of 200 people and you got one fuck you, you're not funny girl, that's one thing.

01:24:31.000 But if you scale that out to the entire internet, that is so many fuck you, you're not funny people.

01:24:38.000 And those are the ones who are going to comment.

01:24:39.000 You know, there's plenty of people that saw that video, like you and me, who were like, oh, God.

01:24:45.000 But you didn't comment.

01:24:47.000 No. So who's commenting?

01:24:49.000 The fuck you, you're not funny people.

01:24:51.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:24:51.000 When there's 30 million people seeing a video, you're going to get 13,000 plus fuck you, you're not funny people who post constantly.

01:24:59.000 They're always going to post 10, 15 times.

01:25:01.000 They're going to be arguing with people in the comments, telling you how you should kill yourself.

01:25:05.000 You've got to hide.

01:25:07.000 And most people don't.

01:25:08.000 Most people go online and they read all the things.

01:25:10.000 Like, oh my god, what are they saying about me?

01:25:12.000 You've got to just get offline.

01:25:14.000 Well, then there was another...

01:25:16.000 I think an Asian girl doing an open mic who they had a video of her like throwing shit around and smashing stuff. 1.00

01:25:21.000 Well, she's fighting the patriarchy. 1.00

01:25:23.000 It's true.

01:25:23.000 So let her lash out.

01:25:24.000 But just, I almost wonder, remember that was the fear.

01:25:27.000 They were like, people try to create viral moments so heckling will become, like people go to comedy clubs like, I'm going to heckle and make a moment.

01:25:34.000 Yeah. It's also a thing about like comics that are just trying to find a, like a lose their shit moment on stage also.

01:25:40.000 Oh, wow.

01:25:41.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:25:42.000 You think so?

01:25:43.000 Yeah, not even for a thing, not trying to not keep it funny, but like, let me go at somebody, like really hard, you know what I mean?

01:25:50.000 Yeah, well, some people are just socially retarded, and they think they're really good at it, and they're just not. 0.99

01:25:55.000 They're not really good at communicating, they think they are, and then they're screaming at the fucking, fucking...

01:26:00.000 Fake anger is hilarious.

01:26:03.000 Yeah, fake anger is the best.

01:26:04.000 Especially when it's a joke that's been told for like 10 years, and you're like, you can't be pissed about this anymore.

01:26:08.000 You know what the craziest viral moment was ever in comedy?

01:26:11.000 Heather McDonald making jokes about vaccines and then blacking out.

01:26:16.000 Blacking out and banging her head.

01:26:18.000 I only say this because she's okay.

01:26:19.000 But I think she cracked her skull.

01:26:21.000 I think she fractured her skull.

01:26:22.000 I mean, her head fucking bounces off that hard stage. 1.00

01:26:25.000 And it looked to the audience like this was like a pratfall.

01:26:28.000 Oh, yeah.

01:26:28.000 This is a part of the bit.

01:26:30.000 The timing was so good that it looked like a bit.

01:26:33.000 Yeah. That she was talking about.

01:26:35.000 And then they were like, oh.

01:26:37.000 Oh, my God.

01:26:38.000 She really did just black out.

01:26:40.000 Yeah, they almost laugh for a second.

01:26:41.000 Like, okay, Heather.

01:26:42.000 That's plenty.

01:26:43.000 That's good.

01:26:44.000 Historians will study that video.

01:26:46.000 They might be proof of the simulation.

01:26:49.000 That video might be proof of the simulation.

01:26:51.000 Because it just doesn't make sense.

01:26:53.000 Unless God has some amazing sense of humor.

01:26:57.000 Some amazing sense of humor.

01:26:59.000 That's a good...

01:27:00.000 My favorite stage moment is still that classic.

01:27:05.000 This is before YouTube and stuff.

01:27:08.000 The Look of These Biceps guy at the Boston Comedy Club.

01:27:11.000 Did you ever see that?

01:27:12.000 I didn't see that one.

01:27:12.000 No. What happened?

01:27:13.000 It's an open mic.

01:27:15.000 He's definitely, you find out through the video, he's getting heckled by a girl who also went on stage, but she did well.

01:27:21.000 You know, she has her friends there, clearly.

01:27:23.000 And so she did well.

01:27:26.000 And this guy's just like, his comedy is all written.

01:27:29.000 He came out of the gates.

01:27:30.000 You know when you kind of fake alpha on stage right away?

01:27:34.000 Oh, no.

01:27:34.000 So he's got these jokes.

01:27:36.000 One's like a racist joke.

01:27:38.000 He tells at one point and it's just this whole personality is just he gives off a bad vibe for sure So he sucks and this girl in the audience sucks and when he can't take any more of her heckling He just goes she's somebody you can't even get a girl.

01:27:52.000 He goes you think I can't get a girl Look at these biceps and it's so it's a such a break and he means it If you look at these biceps, you'll find it pretty easily.

01:28:02.000 It's so old, but this is the old Boston Comedy Club in the village.

01:28:06.000 Oh, that's funny.

01:28:06.000 That place was great.

01:28:08.000 This guy?

01:28:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:28:10.000 Oh, he looks crazy.

01:28:11.000 I met a girl?

01:28:12.000 Look at my fucking bicep!

01:28:13.000 You think I can't meet a girl?

01:28:15.000 Oh my God.

01:28:22.000 Anyway, before I snap, I start throwing stools all over the place.

01:28:25.000 I'm gonna give you thanks to so much.

01:28:27.000 What year is that from?

01:28:28.000 It looks like the 90s.

01:28:30.000 I found it over 10 years old.

01:28:33.000 It's late 90s, early 2000s.

01:28:35.000 An Android phone from the 90s?

01:28:37.000 Actually, no, it wasn't.

01:28:38.000 It was the 2000s because it was called Comedy Village at that point still.

01:28:41.000 They changed the name.

01:28:42.000 So it was the early 2000s.

01:28:43.000 So that's the old Boston Comedy Club?

01:28:45.000 Wow. I was working in that place back when Neil Brennan was a door guy.

01:28:51.000 I became friends with Neil when he was a door guy.

01:28:54.000 It's hilarious.

01:28:56.000 Kevin was already rolling?

01:28:58.000 Kevin Brennan?

01:28:59.000 I don't know.

01:29:01.000 Kevin Brennan was, yeah, he was around then.

01:29:03.000 I think he was already doing stand-up then.

01:29:05.000 Well, Kevin was the first one.

01:29:06.000 Yeah. To do stand-up.

01:29:07.000 Oh, for sure.

01:29:08.000 Yeah, he was definitely way before Neil.

01:29:10.000 And then Neil, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:29:11.000 That place was a great club.

01:29:12.000 Oh, what a great little club that was.

01:29:14.000 The Barry Katz.

01:29:16.000 Yeah. All the clients worked there.

01:29:17.000 Were you a Barry Katz client ever?

01:29:18.000 No, never.

01:29:19.000 Steered clear?

01:29:20.000 No, I've just been with the same manager since I was an open-miker.

01:29:23.000 No shit?

01:29:24.000 Yeah. Wow.

01:29:25.000 Back in Boston.

01:29:26.000 Well, he found me in Boston.

01:29:27.000 He was a New York guy.

01:29:28.000 That's why I moved to New York.

01:29:30.000 No shit.

01:29:30.000 Yeah, I wasn't even supposed to go on stage that night.

01:29:32.000 Oh, so lucky.

01:29:33.000 Because I would have panicked.

01:29:34.000 I would have choked.

01:29:35.000 I didn't know he was in the room.

01:29:37.000 I had no idea.

01:29:38.000 So he had come...

01:29:38.000 He used to manage Bob Nelson.

01:29:40.000 Remember Bob Nelson?

01:29:41.000 Sure. Hell yeah.

01:29:42.000 So Bob Nelson...

01:29:43.000 That's a Philly guy, I believe.

01:29:44.000 He became very Christian.

01:29:46.000 And he was going to have his Bible partner, his guy, become his manager.

01:29:52.000 He had this guy that they were...

01:29:53.000 Brothers in Christ.

01:29:54.000 And so Sussman was looking for new clients, and he thought he saw everybody that he could see in New York at the time.

01:30:01.000 And so he had a good friend that was taking a trip to Boston, and so he went with him, and he said, I'm going to set up some shows at some of these comedy clubs.

01:30:11.000 So they had all the local Boston headliners, like big-name guys from the town would all perform for them.

01:30:18.000 And I was working, driving limos at the time.

01:30:21.000 And while I was driving, I would come up with some of my best ideas sometimes.

01:30:26.000 Because, you know, I didn't listen to the radio, I would just drive.

01:30:29.000 Because you couldn't listen to the radio while you had clients.

01:30:31.000 And so some of my best ideas came from just driving around.

01:30:35.000 I had this fucking idea.

01:30:36.000 I'm like, oh my god, I think this would work.

01:30:38.000 And so I called up my friend, who was the manager, and I said, hey dude, do you think I could get a guest spot tonight?

01:30:44.000 And he's like, yeah, absolutely.

01:30:46.000 So he hooks me up.

01:30:47.000 I have no idea.

01:30:48.000 I go downstairs.

01:30:49.000 This guy who becomes my manager is walking out of the room to go to another club, which is down the street, and he hears me killing.

01:30:58.000 And so he comes back downstairs, and he watches my whole set.

01:31:01.000 And I would have never done what I did.

01:31:02.000 How long did you do a comedy at this point?

01:31:05.000 Three years.

01:31:06.000 That's fast.

01:31:07.000 Yeah, three years.

01:31:09.000 But I was pretty...

01:31:12.000 I had some good sex jokes.

01:31:14.000 I had some great jokes that would kill.

01:31:16.000 And I would have never done them if he was in the room.

01:31:18.000 Because everybody had to be clean back then.

01:31:20.000 That was like, you gotta be clean, you gotta be clean.

01:31:22.000 And I was like...

01:31:23.000 You had good success in acting.

01:31:26.000 Was that your...

01:31:27.000 When you got into it, I know when I got into it, what I thought was interesting, was I started to do stand-up comedy.

01:31:33.000 It took me a long time to realize, and I love broadcasting.

01:31:35.000 I think it scratches the same itch for me.

01:31:38.000 Broadcasting is whatever.

01:31:39.000 But I never got into it to act.

01:31:41.000 Or all these different other things.

01:31:42.000 But as soon as you get into it, especially when you have a manager, you just see the industry unfold.

01:31:47.000 You see everyone's like, you don't have a commercial agent?

01:31:49.000 You've got to go out and audition for commercials.

01:31:51.000 All these things that I was like, supplementary, that I was like, instead of doing that, I'm just going to keep doing the black circuit because I make some money there.

01:31:58.000 I was getting a couple bucks, enough to survive on shows.

01:32:03.000 And then I'll just go hang out at the mainstream rooms at night and meet all the comics and get on when I can get on.

01:32:09.000 But it was never a...

01:32:11.000 It's never like I would not go so many times though.

01:32:13.000 I'm like, I don't fucking...

01:32:14.000 Yeah, I did a couple of those.

01:32:16.000 I don't want it there.

01:32:16.000 And I ended up sitting on this show for two years.

01:32:18.000 It was a great experience in hindsight, but like...

01:32:20.000 What show did you get on?

01:32:21.000 It's called Z-Rock. 0.80

01:32:22.000 It was an IFC show.

01:32:24.000 What was great about it for me was because it was the Curb Your Enthusiasm style writing.

01:32:29.000 So we got to say whatever we wanted, really.

01:32:31.000 And it was cursing, and there was no problems with that.

01:32:34.000 So it was a very fun show to do in that regard, but it just wasn't my...

01:32:38.000 Wasn't your thing?

01:32:39.000 In fact...

01:32:40.000 When I was doing it, I would still go like three of the nights a week.

01:32:45.000 We'd do five shows.

01:32:46.000 Every other night I would still go do a spot at the cellar, and she was giving me 2 a.m. spots.

01:32:51.000 And I'd have to be on set at 7 a.m., you know, 6 a.m. sometimes.

01:32:55.000 And when they would get like, you know, I would take naps in between like scenes or whatever, and they would be like, why are you going and doing like stand-up so late?

01:33:03.000 I'm like, oh, because this show will not be forever, and there is 50 people waiting to jump in my spot there.

01:33:09.000 I mean, I'm established there right now, so it's like, when this goes away, that's the thing that's still going to be there.

01:33:15.000 And so I definitely made sure, as I said, but also I didn't want to really be an actor.

01:33:19.000 Well, in the 90s, it was just a money thing.

01:33:22.000 You know, it was, everybody, there was two things that everybody wanted.

01:33:27.000 As if you were a comic.

01:33:29.000 A deal.

01:33:29.000 No, you wanted to be the head of a sitcom or you wanted to host The Tonight Show.

01:33:33.000 Those are the two things that everybody wanted.

01:33:35.000 Which is why Jay Leno...

01:33:36.000 People to this day don't understand.

01:33:37.000 Why did Jay Leno want The Tonight Show so bad that he was hiding in the closet?

01:33:41.000 You know that whole story where they were negotiating?

01:33:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:33:44.000 And they scratched and clawed and everybody was mad at him because he took it from Conan.

01:33:48.000 Remember that?

01:33:50.000 Because he went back because Conan's ratings weren't as good.

01:33:53.000 All that craziness was...

01:33:54.000 That was the golden carrot.

01:33:56.000 At the end of the stick, in our minds, everybody wanted to host The Tonight Show or you wanted to be Jerry Seinfeld.

01:34:04.000 So that was what you got.

01:34:05.000 And so these people came there and that's all the industry talked about because that's where all the money was.

01:34:10.000 That's what your agent wanted you to do.

01:34:12.000 That's where all the money was.

01:34:13.000 And everybody was just pushing you in that direction.

01:34:15.000 Yeah, that's what it is.

01:34:16.000 But it was a push in that direction.

01:34:19.000 But it's an antiquated idea that comes from the time of like...

01:34:24.000 Everyone in entertainment was like a triple threat.

01:34:26.000 I watched something a while ago that was a...

01:34:28.000 Like a Jamie Foxx.

01:34:29.000 Right, but even go back to like the Sinatras, and they said Barney Miller, Hal Linden, there's videos of him like singing on, he went on like talk shows as a singer.

01:34:40.000 Wow. Because everyone had to like dance, you were like a showman.

01:34:43.000 Right. There was no like focus in one direction.

01:34:47.000 Yeah, so the idea that you were like, I came into comedy as a mega fan of stand-up comedy.

01:34:54.000 I loved all of it.

01:34:55.000 I didn't even, like, draw lines on, you know, the people I liked more than others, and Dice was my guy for sure when I was 12, 13. I just hit him at the right time.

01:35:03.000 Yeah. That I loved that, but I was such a fan of stand-up that when I got into stand-up, I only saw, like, now I didn't know what the path was to selling out comedy clubs or theaters or anything like that, but that's all it was.

01:35:15.000 I didn't get into this, and I was like, oh, and then I'll have...

01:35:17.000 A sitcom, and then you get told right away like...

01:35:20.000 Well, what year did you come along?

01:35:21.000 What year did you come along?

01:35:23.000 I started in 90...

01:35:25.000 97. Okay.

01:35:27.000 Maybe 98. That was like the peak of the sitcom days.

01:35:31.000 That was Friends.

01:35:33.000 That was...

01:35:33.000 Everything was still on the air back then, right?

01:35:37.000 Seinfeld had...

01:35:38.000 What year did Seinfeld end?

01:35:40.000 I want to say that was like 2000...

01:35:43.000 No. 98?

01:35:44.000 Yeah, I was going to say 98. 98?

01:35:49.000 Yeah. Okay, and then there's Friends, which kept going a little while longer, right?

01:35:57.000 You know, and then there was like Caroline and the City.

01:36:00.000 There was like all these shows that everybody was like...

01:36:05.000 That was the goal.

01:36:06.000 The goal was to get on a show and everybody wanted and everybody got a network deal and they were handing out deals Where you would get like a couple hundred grand you didn't have to do anything and they never even made a show and then you get another deal next year There's a bunch of guys who were always having deals and that a lot of those people when I got in the comedy I'd see those people like chest out at the comic strip.

01:36:24.000 Oh, yeah and stuff but then but then Never heard of a good nothing.

01:36:28.000 I mean I wouldn't name names, but I mean it was just weird to see people that were like Oh, they just got their second deal with NBC, holding deal, or...

01:36:35.000 Yeah. Oh, they were convinced who was gonna go.

01:36:37.000 They would tell you, like, I got a million dollar backup deal, and this and that, so they have to do my show.

01:36:41.000 It's gonna be on the air.

01:36:42.000 You should play my brother.

01:36:43.000 And then it doesn't.

01:36:44.000 It's such a, uh...

01:36:45.000 Well, you see people getting really weird and acting like they're special before they're even famous.

01:36:51.000 Sure. Like, you didn't even get on the launching pad yet, and you're already acting like a fucking crazy person.

01:36:55.000 But also...

01:36:56.000 I saw a lot of that.

01:36:57.000 I've been doing it long enough to see people kind of go and be like, shit.

01:37:01.000 The acting thing seems to be going, and I'm gonna go to LA or something in entertainment, like, besides stand-up is going, and they focus on that for a couple years, and then nothing really pans out from it, and they didn't keep doing stand-up.

01:37:14.000 And then they come back.

01:37:15.000 And then they try again.

01:37:16.000 And then they're confused because I've never had my own sitcom, I've never had anything, but, like, one thing I never stopped doing was, like, working the whole time still.

01:37:25.000 So it's like you're building a fan base still.

01:37:27.000 And when people...

01:37:29.000 A lot of people left at a time where it was like, oh, this is where you have to start, you know, they went to go to acting when everyone was like, alright, this is its podcast times now and social media times and you have to get all these things going and you connect with the audience and stuff and keep performing and like they went away and then come back and it's hard to start again.

01:37:46.000 It's real hard.

01:37:47.000 They saw a lot of guys during the writer's strike try to do it again.

01:37:50.000 Because there's a few of those guys that are really good that are just writers.

01:37:54.000 And they become trapped in that velvet prison of getting that, you know, you make good money, you got a great health plan, you got a nice house, got a mortgage, maybe start having kids, and you're not really a comic anymore.

01:38:08.000 Now you're working on a sitcom or you're writing.

01:38:10.000 And the problem is...

01:38:13.000 You don't have a backup plan anymore because you can't just go on the road anymore because you don't have a fucking audience.

01:38:18.000 Right. So all those other guys that you came up with that kept their comedy up during that whole time, those guys can still tour.

01:38:24.000 Like, Fitzsimmons was very smart about it.

01:38:26.000 Like, Fitzsimmons did a lot of writing gigs, but he never stopped doing stand-up.

01:38:30.000 He's so funny.

01:38:31.000 Never stopped doing stand-up, and he always kept getting better.

01:38:33.000 And so, like, when writer strikes and things like that happen, Greg's fine.

01:38:37.000 Like, he sells out all over the country.

01:38:39.000 He doesn't have to worry about it, but it's because he's smart.

01:38:42.000 He saw the writing on the wall like, I'm not falling into this trap.

01:38:46.000 Well, it's a matter of what you want to do.

01:38:47.000 When you woke up in the mornings to go do news radio, were you thrilled going to work every day?

01:38:54.000 No, news radio was really fun.

01:38:56.000 It was really fun.

01:38:58.000 The cast is crazy.

01:38:59.000 It was really fun.

01:39:01.000 It was a real fun, like, environment.

01:39:03.000 We had a good time.

01:39:04.000 The writers were amazing.

01:39:06.000 It was like perfect best-case scenario for a sitcom.

01:39:10.000 And it was the second sitcom I was on.

01:39:12.000 The first one I was on was like worst-case scenario.

01:39:14.000 Not worst, but started off great.

01:39:16.000 It was on this show called Hardball with Jim Brewer.

01:39:20.000 Jim Brewer, he played one of the rival mascots, and he gets beat up.

01:39:27.000 Jim was so funny.

01:39:28.000 It was so funny.

01:39:29.000 It was a real funny pilot, and it was written by these guys who worked on Married With Children, and they worked on The Simpsons.

01:39:35.000 They were really funny writers.

01:39:36.000 Jeff Martin and Kevin Curran.

01:39:38.000 And these guys put together this really funny show, and then the networks just...

01:39:44.000 They just jizzed into the soup.

01:39:48.000 It was a mess.

01:39:49.000 They brought in a bunch of people that shouldn't have been there and the show fell apart.

01:39:54.000 But I got to watch these brilliant, really funny guys get their work just shit all over by the network and have it fall apart and become just a joke.

01:40:03.000 Could you have been roped into stopping stand-up?

01:40:07.000 Like not doing stand-up to go in the full-time?

01:40:10.000 No, no, no, no.

01:40:11.000 From sitcom to sitcom?

01:40:12.000 But one thing that I did do for sure is I neglected my stand-up for a few years.

01:40:17.000 When I was doing news radio all the time, the problem was in news radio in the early days, they were really long hours because we were trying to figure the show out and, you know, there was a lot of network notes.

01:40:29.000 Back in those days.

01:40:30.000 The network was really behind it, but it wasn't owned by NBC.

01:40:36.000 It was produced by Brillstein Grey.

01:40:38.000 You know, if you wanted to be on the good slots, right, so what Paul Sims would call, Paul Sims is the creator of news radio, would call it the shit sandwich.

01:40:46.000 So you'd have friends and married with children, and in between you'd have, like, kind of caca sitcoms.

01:40:51.000 It's like a shit sandwich.

01:40:53.000 We got in those spots occasionally, and every time we did, we were, like, number two in the country, number three or something.

01:40:58.000 But then we'd drop down to, like, number 80, because we got moved, like, nine different times over five years.

01:41:03.000 Nine times over five years.

01:41:04.000 So the show didn't really become successful until it went into syndication.

01:41:08.000 Nice. So it was one of those weird things, but I auditioned for two shows ever.

01:41:14.000 I auditioned for that Hardball show, I got that, that got cancelled, and I auditioned for NewsRadio.

01:41:18.000 That was it.

01:41:19.000 Really? It was the nuttiest thing of all time.

01:41:21.000 So I didn't want it.

01:41:23.000 It just happened.

01:41:24.000 So it wasn't something like it was my golden carrot.

01:41:27.000 My golden carrot was just I wanted to be a professional comic.

01:41:29.000 Right. And then as I was barely making money as a professional comic, barely surviving, all of a sudden they're like, we'll pay you $25,000 a week.

01:41:37.000 I was like, what do I have to do?

01:41:38.000 Are they going to act?

01:41:39.000 Okay, now I'm acting.

01:41:40.000 And I would have moved back to New York 100% if I didn't get an apartment.

01:41:44.000 So I signed a one-year lease on this apartment in North Hollywood.

01:41:47.000 And so I was staying, and I was like, oh, I've got to stay.

01:41:50.000 Because I wanted to just go back to New York and play pool.

01:41:52.000 I would hang out with my friends.

01:41:53.000 I didn't like it in LA.

01:41:55.000 It wasn't my cup of tea.

01:41:56.000 I didn't like being around actors.

01:41:57.000 And it was hard to make friends with some of the comedians.

01:41:59.000 And the comedy store was weird back then.

01:42:01.000 So I was like, I was ready to go back to New York.

01:42:03.000 And I had this fucking lease.

01:42:05.000 So I was like, I can't break the lease.

01:42:07.000 I don't have that kind of money.

01:42:07.000 I've got to keep this lease going.

01:42:09.000 So I stayed there.

01:42:10.000 And then I got news radio.

01:42:11.000 Like, right afterwards.

01:42:12.000 Which is great.

01:42:13.000 It was crazy.

01:42:14.000 That's a whirlwind for sure.

01:42:16.000 It is funny, though.

01:42:16.000 It's like...

01:42:17.000 Just that lead of that, like, that you're supposed to do.

01:42:20.000 Like, to me, it was sitting for whatever the 10th time, and watching, especially actors, like, walking back and forth, like, how serious they're taking getting there.

01:42:32.000 And I'm just, like, holding the sides barely, and I'm like, what's, like, three lines we gotta say?

01:42:37.000 Like, relax.

01:42:38.000 And I didn't book stuff, but it's also just, like, as I'm sitting there, like, I don't know if I want to be the, you know, the trident cinnamon gum.

01:42:47.000 I don't know if I care.

01:42:49.000 If you get it, it's almost like, fantastic.

01:42:51.000 You know, like, that's great, but...

01:42:53.000 If you get it, it's extra money.

01:42:54.000 Sure. But then once you get all the extra money, you don't have to really do that anymore.

01:42:58.000 And that's when you got to decide.

01:43:00.000 Like, what do you...

01:43:00.000 Like, one of the things that I had to decide after I did Fear Factor, I was like, okay, no more of that, please.

01:43:05.000 Yeah. And I did it one more time.

01:43:06.000 I did it one more time when, in 2011, Fear Factor came back for a brief amount of time, and that's when they made people drink jizz.

01:43:13.000 That's when it got canceled forever.

01:43:16.000 Until Ludacris came back and did it on MTV.

01:43:19.000 No jizz.

01:43:19.000 Then the no jizz rules.

01:43:21.000 They toned it down back then.

01:43:23.000 But it was...

01:43:24.000 There's a different thing that's happening when you're doing something just for money.

01:43:28.000 You're just like, okay, it's worth it.

01:43:29.000 It's worth it for this amount of money.

01:43:31.000 And then you've got to know what to do with that money.

01:43:35.000 You've got to plan your escape.

01:43:37.000 I used to have to like...

01:43:39.000 Like talk myself into like when I would get those we're like talking head shows I think on History Channel we did like I love they were trying to do like a spoof of I love the 80s and I love the 90s they would do like I love the 1880s I love the 1890s or whatever and they would give us like history stories and write jokes and you're gonna do talking head things and I would look at it as the burden of that next day Yeah,

01:44:01.000 I gotta wake up at 8 to go into the city and like To do this thing, it's never, I look at all the stuff and I'm like, it's network, it's history channel, so it's like, I can't really do exactly what it is I do.

01:44:12.000 And then, because I'm gonna go as close as I can to my own voice, that like, it's probably not gonna get a lot of stuff on anyway.

01:44:19.000 Yeah. But I had to really commit to myself, like, you know, there was a kid across the street from me when I lived in South Jersey for the couple years who was in a Froot Loops commercial, I said, and he said he might as well have been Brad Pitt.

01:44:33.000 You know what I mean?

01:44:33.000 To me, I was like, he's been on television.

01:44:35.000 And I'm like, I'm going to do a TV show tomorrow.

01:44:39.000 History Channel or anything.

01:44:39.000 If you told me when I was 12, 13 years old that, hey, you want to do a TV show, be on TV on the History Channel?

01:44:44.000 You'd be like, no.

01:44:45.000 TV? Is that possible?

01:44:46.000 So you have to remember that it is pretty extraordinary to have some of these opportunities.

01:44:51.000 But man.

01:44:52.000 So I try to take them in when I have them.

01:44:54.000 I was in the movie Hustlers.

01:44:56.000 As the strip club DJ.

01:44:57.000 What is Hustlers?

01:44:58.000 It's the true story of the girls at Scores, who were like the strippers that were robbing the guys.

01:45:03.000 Oh, really?

01:45:04.000 When did that movie come out?

01:45:05.000 A couple years back now, but uh, shit, maybe like seven years, six, seven years ago.

01:45:10.000 But I was the strip club DJ in that, and like I really had to go there, because I look at the, in hindsight of it, it's like, it was two 14-hour days of like nothing, so much nothing going on.

01:45:23.000 Right, you're just waiting.

01:45:24.000 Just waiting around.

01:45:25.000 And just whiffing when I had these opportunities.

01:45:28.000 But also trying to take in, I'm like, holy shit, that's Usher over there.

01:45:31.000 And that's fucking J-Lo.

01:45:32.000 As I'm sitting here like, when do you guys need me again?

01:45:36.000 It's like J-Lo's in a thong, like, you know, twerking on stage, like doing her scene.

01:45:41.000 And you're like, oh, I should really enjoy some of it.

01:45:43.000 You know what I mean?

01:45:43.000 J-Lo was on stage twerking?

01:45:45.000 Yeah, I introduced her big dance. 1.00

01:45:47.000 What year was this?

01:45:51.000 2018, maybe?

01:45:54.000 Yeah, my voice opens this scene.

01:45:57.000 Damn, is that really J-Lo?

01:45:58.000 Yeah. So this is her 10 years ago?

01:46:01.000 50 years old.

01:46:02.000 Not then she wasn't.

01:46:03.000 Yep, she was 50 on set, yeah.

01:46:05.000 Wait a minute, how old is she now? 1.00

01:46:07.000 You said this was 2000 what?

01:46:09.000 2000 when?

01:46:13.000 2019, 18. Was she really 50 back then?

01:46:17.000 Yeah. God, that's six years ago.

01:46:19.000 She's not 56. She's 19. Okay, how old is J-Lo?

01:46:25.000 So she's 56, I guess now.

01:46:27.000 Is she really?

01:46:31.000 Whoa! That's crazy.

01:46:34.000 Yeah. Bro, what is she doing?

01:46:36.000 I don't know, but she looked fantastic. 0.98

01:46:38.000 And it really shined a light on this girl's narrow Asian ass. 1.00

01:46:42.000 It really shined a light on that.

01:46:43.000 When they were choreographing them together on stage, it looked so shitty.

01:46:51.000 Yeah, she looks great.

01:46:52.000 It's incredible.

01:46:54.000 Good for her.

01:46:54.000 She seemed nice.

01:46:55.000 I tried to talk to her once and I whiffed hard.

01:46:57.000 Did you?

01:46:57.000 I just...

01:46:58.000 Did you get panicked?

01:46:59.000 I planned...

01:47:00.000 You thought you could be number six?

01:47:01.000 I planned what I was going to say.

01:47:03.000 That's what the problem was.

01:47:04.000 Oh, you did?

01:47:05.000 Yeah. How bad?

01:47:06.000 It was bad.

01:47:07.000 I said when she...

01:47:08.000 Next time she turns around, because she seems nice, she's going to like...

01:47:11.000 At some point, she's going to talk to me.

01:47:13.000 We're doing this one scene together where she hands me money. 0.60

01:47:16.000 And I say like a line.

01:47:18.000 And every time they yell cut, she'd put her robe on and turn around. 0.55

01:47:21.000 Talk to her assistant, but I'm like, she does seem nice, and she's gonna turn around and ask me some version of how you doing, and I'm gonna say, you know, I'm just living the life of a fake strip club DJ, and that's gonna make her giggle, and then we're best friends for life.

01:47:34.000 And instead of waiting for her to say anything, the next time, her eyes just crossed my eyes.

01:47:38.000 I went, living the life of a fake strip club DJ.

01:47:40.000 Like, followed her face.

01:47:42.000 And she was like, excuse me?

01:47:44.000 And I was like, oh.

01:47:45.000 And then her assistant started laughing at me. 1.00

01:47:47.000 And then I demanded to go outside to get a soda.

01:47:50.000 They were like, we'll get you a soda.

01:47:51.000 I'm like, please let me go outside and reset this moment.

01:47:53.000 I hate this.

01:47:57.000 Yeah, you can't have a diva roll her eyes at you. 1.00

01:48:00.000 That'll fuck your confidence up.

01:48:02.000 No matter who you are.

01:48:03.000 No. Jennifer Lopez rolls her eyes at you. 1.00

01:48:05.000 That would hurt so much.

01:48:06.000 How does she look so good? 0.98

01:48:08.000 I don't know, but she really did. 0.80

01:48:09.000 It's pretty extraordinary.

01:48:10.000 It's that thing, it's a person that's in a room, and you're like, oh, a celebrity's here.

01:48:14.000 I could give that off.

01:48:15.000 Right, but it's like, think of her beauty, and then that other lady that you said that did a bunch of shit to her face. 1.00

01:48:20.000 Probably the same age, right?

01:48:22.000 Oh, yeah.

01:48:23.000 Isn't that crazy?

01:48:24.000 It is crazy.

01:48:24.000 You know what's also in that movie, by the way?

01:48:26.000 A young, only one song out Lizzo, and everyone was so excited for her, and I didn't know who she was, and they were talking about the celebrities that were going to be there today, and she's playing a stripper.

01:48:38.000 And I was like, hmm, I'm wondering who it is.

01:48:40.000 And then, hours later, my next question was, I'm like, who's the big fat stripper wearing the fishnet outfit? 0.70

01:48:48.000 And they're like, that's Lizzo.

01:48:50.000 Yeah, like, that's Lizzo.

01:48:52.000 I was like, Christ almighty, are they making her do that? 0.57

01:48:56.000 And again, it's my own fat insecurity that I put out on other people.

01:49:00.000 Almost like I said that guy earlier who's like the robe open.

01:49:02.000 There's gotta be guys that want to see that.

01:49:04.000 I'm impressed with that because what I have is much more, which I always found interesting, Chris Farley, you know, this most famous thing ever is the Chippendale sketch with Patrick Swayze.

01:49:17.000 I've always thought, and I just know this from, I'm good friends with his brother and from years of reading stuff about it, like that's...

01:49:24.000 If you want to trickle back what killed him, it's essentially that.

01:49:27.000 Do you know what I mean?

01:49:27.000 It's like he hated, he was willing to do it, like I'll be the fat gross guy, but he hated it.

01:49:32.000 He didn't want everyone to think he was fat and gross.

01:49:34.000 So I have a hard time with those kind of things.

01:49:37.000 So I'm impressed also with someone who's like, ladies, you know, with their fucking fat rolls on their sides, welcome to the party. 1.00

01:49:46.000 How do you do it, man?

01:49:47.000 And Lizzo just like, fuck it, I'm wearing a thong.

01:49:50.000 Don't. You don't have to.

01:49:52.000 It's one of those things where it's like you want to celebrate people that don't care.

01:49:56.000 Like, yeah, you go.

01:49:57.000 But also, yikes.

01:49:59.000 Yeah. It's also yikes.

01:50:01.000 It's always lies, too, by the way.

01:50:02.000 She's lost 100 pounds. 0.91

01:50:03.000 Well, also, remember when she was accused of fat shaming all the girls that she worked with and making hookers eat? 1.00

01:50:10.000 Yeah, making each trip her pussy and shit. 1.00

01:50:11.000 Yeah, whatever.

01:50:13.000 Whatever was going down.

01:50:14.000 Whatever she was accused of.

01:50:15.000 I don't know if it was real.

01:50:16.000 But it's like the Chris Farley thing, I never would have imagined that he hated doing that.

01:50:21.000 Oh, yeah.

01:50:21.000 No, he loved making people laugh, but he hated that it was at the expense.

01:50:25.000 And I don't think I'm speaking at a school here.

01:50:26.000 But it never seemed like that stuff did bother him, I think.

01:50:31.000 He wanted girls to like him.

01:50:33.000 He wanted, you know what I mean?

01:50:34.000 So that's why he got big into drugs.

01:50:36.000 Are you basing this on conversations that you've had with people that know him?

01:50:40.000 Conversations, I've watched so much stuff on him.

01:50:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:50:43.000 And you could see, like, you know, they...

01:50:44.000 Again, it's people reading and stuff, but I think also from talking to his brother and stuff.

01:50:49.000 I met him once.

01:50:50.000 I met him once when he was in the throes of it.

01:50:53.000 Really? Yeah, there's a couple of people that I met where their skin looked like wet cardboard. 0.98

01:50:59.000 It was the consistency of wet, gray cardboard.

01:51:03.000 Like sweaty, gray cardboard.

01:51:06.000 So he was on the set.

01:51:09.000 Hanging out there was always like a lot of fun people that were on the set that you got to meet and He wasn't working on the show.

01:51:16.000 He was just there to hang out and so I Ran into him like during the craft service table area and he was just looked terrible and I don't know like what year did he die?

01:51:29.000 I Think late 90s also So this was around 97-ish, somewhere around then.

01:51:37.000 So news radio was 94 to 99. December, week before Christmas.

01:51:42.000 That's when he died.

01:51:43.000 33. So it might have been the year he died.

01:51:46.000 Yeah. Because he looked like hell.

01:51:49.000 He looked like he was just so sweaty and so gray.

01:51:52.000 He just looked fucked up.

01:51:55.000 One other time, there was a dude that I ran into at the improv, and he couldn't form sentences.

01:52:03.000 He had like the same gray skin and he was talking to me, but nothing made sense But he just kept talking and he could he couldn't form sentences and I was like this is the craziest thing I've ever seen It's also weird to get into that and then still be around comedy just be around public You're hanging around with people at a bar and you you you're so gacked up You can't even form a sentence.

01:52:24.000 I have a hard time with I mean I can I so I can get caught up in like the The dramatic conversation of, like, the science of comedy and, like, all the internal things and the manipulation of it.

01:52:35.000 But at the end of the day, it's so silly when, like, it's taken so seriously in some way, too.

01:52:41.000 It's not like, you know, unlike Daniel Day-Lewis, who has to be Lincoln all day, someone can go, Jay, they're calling your name on stage.

01:52:48.000 And you can go up there.

01:52:49.000 I don't have to, like, find my place.

01:52:51.000 You know what I mean?

01:52:52.000 Like, oh, I'm not even, you know.

01:52:54.000 Oh, hang on.

01:52:55.000 You know, you just go on stage and be like, shit.

01:52:57.000 I didn't know they were calling me.

01:52:58.000 Sorry, everybody.

01:52:59.000 But also, you're doing sets multiple times a night.

01:53:01.000 You're doing multiple sets a week.

01:53:03.000 You're so comfortable being on stage.

01:53:05.000 It's not like, action!

01:53:07.000 Right. You know, you're Lincoln!

01:53:09.000 Go! Yeah.

01:53:10.000 Four score and seven years ago.

01:53:13.000 You mess up a line, they gotta go, change the gate!

01:53:16.000 They gotta do a bunch of fucking things. 0.80

01:53:17.000 Yeah, and there's always someone who wants to come in and touch up your hair, and then there's fucking people moving around, and there's always so many support people, it's hard to just keep your fucking concentration.

01:53:26.000 Some people like being doted on.

01:53:28.000 Dan Soder, I've always been, he likes acting, and not even just acting, he likes the day.

01:53:35.000 He takes the day in the trailer, and he said he'll write jokes, and...

01:53:38.000 He's a happy dude.

01:53:41.000 Dan Soder seems like he's always happy.

01:53:43.000 It's hard to imagine him being even angry.

01:53:45.000 He was talking to me about somebody who ripped off one of his jokes, and even that, the way he's talking about the guy ripping off his joke and confronting him about ripping off the joke, it's still...

01:53:55.000 Pleasant. He's being silly.

01:53:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:53:57.000 He's being silly and laughing about it.

01:53:58.000 I'm like, wow.

01:53:59.000 Oh, he's the best, for sure.

01:54:01.000 Great demeanor.

01:54:02.000 So that's like a glass is always half full guy.

01:54:04.000 He's fine with doing a little acting here.

01:54:06.000 But what he wants to do is stand-up.

01:54:08.000 He's a great stand-up.

01:54:09.000 No, no, he's a great stand-up, and he does want to do stand-up.

01:54:10.000 And if he wants to make shows, he's got a lot of interest that I think will be great at all of them.

01:54:14.000 I'm just saying more like, you know, I'm losing my train of thought.

01:54:18.000 Well, you don't have to do all that other stuff.

01:54:20.000 And the thing is, back in the 90s, we all thought we had to do that other stuff.

01:54:24.000 I would have never imagined quitting a TV show just so I could do stand-up on the road.

01:54:29.000 First of all, you needed a TV show so people would come to see you.

01:54:32.000 That was a big thing.

01:54:34.000 Back then, people came to see you if you were on The Tonight Show, or if you had an HBO special, or if you had a sitcom.

01:54:41.000 That's why I was always so impressive, a person like Regan.

01:54:46.000 Yes, I was just going to bring him up.

01:54:47.000 It's like, you did it straight through comedy, man.

01:54:50.000 Just organic.

01:54:51.000 And got to theaters.

01:54:52.000 Yep, huge theaters.

01:54:53.000 It sells out instantly, just because he's so good.

01:54:56.000 You know, it's funny, the quietest, the people who are the most surprising, there's...

01:55:00.000 Huge earning comics that you've never even heard of and stuff.

01:55:04.000 I always look up, like, Shonda Pierce is a lady, just like an old lady from the South, but she's multi-millionaire, sells out, she performs at, like, churches and stuff. 0.99

01:55:17.000 Really? Yeah, but it's just stand-up, and it's just, like, the most mundane, like...

01:55:24.000 But it's not for me, obviously, but, I mean, with this...

01:55:28.000 Kind of whatever, you know, like act that you wouldn't impress anybody, she's making millions.

01:55:33.000 Christian comedy is a tough sell.

01:55:35.000 Yeah, well, but there's a market for it for sure.

01:55:38.000 There is a market for it.

01:55:38.000 I remember there was a bunch of people that went into Christian comedy.

01:55:41.000 There was like a Christian comedy tour.

01:55:44.000 Back in, like, yeah, it was terrible.

01:55:46.000 It was terrible.

01:55:47.000 To want to go to that seems boring.

01:55:49.000 Even if you were religious, like, I don't want to go watch religious comedy.

01:55:52.000 But it was like the most aw shuck stupid shit about, like, the guy's dumb and my wife always tells me I'm dumb and she's right.

01:55:58.000 It's why Nate Bargette is so impressive to me and always has been is because he's clean in that way.

01:56:03.000 You can call him a Christian comic and it doesn't matter because if you just watch the comedy, if you're not listening to all the labels being put on him, he's just brilliant.

01:56:11.000 Yeah, it's just brilliant.

01:56:12.000 More than brilliant.

01:56:14.000 Hilarious. Fucking hilarious.

01:56:15.000 Hilarious and squeaky clean.

01:56:17.000 Yeah. And you throw him on anywhere in a lineup.

01:56:19.000 Yeah. It doesn't matter.

01:56:21.000 Gary Goldman was so impressive in that way, too.

01:56:22.000 It just didn't have to be dirty.

01:56:23.000 Like, almost like subjects.

01:56:26.000 You were someone who said to write a joke about this subject.

01:56:28.000 You're like, nah, that's corny.

01:56:29.000 Well, Gaffigan's the best example.

01:56:31.000 And then they do it and kill it.

01:56:31.000 Yeah, he's great, too.

01:56:31.000 Gaffigan's been killing it forever.

01:56:33.000 Squeaky clean.

01:56:34.000 You know?

01:56:35.000 There's a market.

01:56:36.000 Like, again.

01:56:37.000 Everyone shouldn't be that.

01:56:38.000 Right. That's the Hannah Gatsby argument she made. 1.00

01:56:41.000 That's the really...

01:56:43.000 Whatever my opinions about our comedy are, are meaningless.

01:56:45.000 It was an article she did where she was like, if you're not using your comedy to move society forward in some way.

01:56:50.000 Should I say that?

01:56:51.000 Yeah. That's hilarious.

01:56:52.000 Like, you're wasting time, basically.

01:56:53.000 Like, you need to come and talk about your rape, or you're wasting time doing comedy.

01:56:57.000 And it's like, or you're not being personal.

01:56:59.000 I go, so you're saying, like, Dave Attell, Brian Regan, Carrot Top.

01:57:03.000 You're saying people just shouldn't be in comedy because they're a different...

01:57:06.000 Like faction of it than you?

01:57:07.000 That's insane.

01:57:08.000 It's insane.

01:57:09.000 And God forbid if everybody started doing Hannah Gadsby style quality, she's fucked.

01:57:14.000 She's not gonna be the best at it.

01:57:15.000 You know what I mean?

01:57:16.000 Right. It's like, why are you welcoming?

01:57:18.000 It's like, why don't you stay, keep your lane and be happy with how great it is.

01:57:20.000 Here's the other thing about comedy.

01:57:21.000 Like, you should be funny first.

01:57:25.000 If you want to do all that other stuff too, but if you want to do all that other stuff and you call it comedy, but it's not funny, like you're doing something where you're just trying to educate people, hey, you missed the whole mark of this whole thing.

01:57:39.000 And to say that that's the most important thing, the only people that would say that are people who aren't funny.

01:57:44.000 Yeah. That's it.

01:57:45.000 That's the only people that would ever think that the most important thing is to move social justice forward with your comedy.

01:57:50.000 If somebody told me I made them think on stage, I'd go, about what?

01:57:53.000 About what?

01:57:54.000 Listen, you could be as social justice-y as you want.

01:57:57.000 You could talk to your phone.

01:57:58.000 You could make long rants on reels.

01:58:00.000 You could do podcasts.

01:58:01.000 You could do whatever you want.

01:58:02.000 Talk about issues.

01:58:03.000 But when you're on stage, what you're supposed to be doing is be funny.

01:58:07.000 Now, if you can be funny with some sort of grand message that makes everybody Bill Hicks clap at you, that's great.

01:58:13.000 That's not the goal.

01:58:15.000 The goal is to just be funny.

01:58:16.000 And if that's your goal, you want to be funny with a social justice...

01:58:20.000 Great! Nothing wrong with it.

01:58:22.000 But you gotta be funny.

01:58:24.000 You can't, like, fake it and get clapped-er and think you're...

01:58:28.000 Anything I would even say with passion on stage, I could end just as easily by going, or not.

01:58:33.000 You know, or maybe I'm completely wrong.

01:58:34.000 I don't know.

01:58:35.000 Definitely. How the fuck would I know?

01:58:37.000 Remember guys would do this when they were bombing?

01:58:39.000 Hey, how about a nice round of applause for the ladies? 1.00

01:58:41.000 Give a round of applause for all the ladies in the crowd.

01:58:44.000 In the black comedy circuit, those were the funniest, how many they would give.

01:58:48.000 He goes, how about for a lady? 1.00

01:58:49.000 He goes, how about for a brother doing the right thing, staying out of jail, doing the right thing, trying to do the right thing?

01:58:53.000 Yeah, they'd get a clap.

01:58:55.000 Yes, yes.

01:58:55.000 And then it was positive energy.

01:58:57.000 The show was going your way.

01:58:59.000 But we all used some crutching.

01:59:00.000 I went, I think, so...

01:59:02.000 Not just because I was like, you know, obviously inspired by like the Dices and stuff for the comics that I like, the dirtier guys. 1.00

01:59:07.000 But I would go dirty because I found out pretty early, if you go dirty, even if you don't get the laugh because the joke wasn't good, you're going to get the groan and it was a noise.

01:59:14.000 Yeah. Because that was it to me.

01:59:16.000 Again, I said the silence was the thing.

01:59:17.000 Once it was silent, I was like, someone please save me from this.

01:59:21.000 It's going so bad.

01:59:23.000 Yeah, if you get a few...

01:59:24.000 Oh, God.

01:59:25.000 Yeah, at least you're like, ah, they're with me.

01:59:27.000 You can kind of laugh that off yourself, yeah.

01:59:29.000 And then if you're laughing genuinely, maybe people will start smiling.

01:59:34.000 Yeah, it's a fucking weird art form, dude.

01:59:36.000 But, you know, kudos to you for just doing that.

01:59:41.000 Because that's the way to do it.

01:59:42.000 And then Legion of Skanks, too.

01:59:44.000 Like, what Lewis and you guys and Dave, what you guys have done is so interesting because you did it all without ever worrying about being, like, removed from YouTube.

01:59:52.000 You know, because you did it all on his network, on Gas Digital.

01:59:56.000 I mean, he started Gas Digital essentially for Legion of Skanks, more or less.

01:59:59.000 So smart.

02:00:00.000 And it would have, like, a platform that they really can't get rid of.

02:00:02.000 Yeah, because it limits your reach a little bit.

02:00:06.000 But over time, people figure it out.

02:00:08.000 That's why Skankfest is so fucking huge.

02:00:11.000 Skankfest is nuts, dude.

02:00:12.000 It's fun.

02:00:13.000 It's nuts.

02:00:14.000 It's been great doing New Orleans this year.

02:00:15.000 I should have got in when I could have done it.

02:00:17.000 Now it seems like I don't...

02:00:19.000 There's too many people.

02:00:21.000 I'm getting anxiety.

02:00:22.000 There's a lot of people, for sure.

02:00:24.000 But it's amazing how, like...

02:00:25.000 You'd have a blast.

02:00:26.000 It's such a celebration of people just being stupid and having fun.

02:00:30.000 Absolutely, and there's no, like, you know...

02:00:32.000 No pretense.

02:00:33.000 No, and I said they all look the part, but they're such great comedy fans.

02:00:36.000 And by the way, also, I mean that in the sense that there's been so many people who have been like...

02:00:41.000 Skankfest isn't my thing.

02:00:43.000 I'm like, dude, they're gonna fucking lose their minds for you.

02:00:45.000 Yeah, you don't even know.

02:00:46.000 It's like they're comedy fans.

02:00:47.000 They're not just like our fans exclusively.

02:00:50.000 They're also fans of people that are willing to do real comedy in this fucking bizarre world where you're being told that the most important thing is for you to do social justice on stage.

02:01:00.000 Which I shouldn't say that's the world now, because it's not.

02:01:02.000 It was the world like four years ago.

02:01:04.000 Four years ago, you heard that a lot.

02:01:06.000 Oh, yeah.

02:01:07.000 And that's kind of died off.

02:01:08.000 And there was a bunch of things that killed that, but I think the real nail in the coffin, the final one, was the Tom Brady roast.

02:01:13.000 Yeah. I think that was the grand nail in the coffin of woke comedy.

02:01:18.000 Well, all you had to show people was that there was, like, if you stick with something for a minute, like, there is an audience there.

02:01:24.000 You're just listening to a bunch of lunatics screaming with nothing to do with their lives.

02:01:28.000 But if you give it a second, like...

02:01:31.000 Conversely, as much as people are writing, they're angry about this.

02:01:34.000 There's a zillion people who just like it.

02:01:35.000 Yeah, you can't cater to the people that are upset at what popular thing there is out there.

02:01:42.000 Can you imagine writing a letter to ACDC?

02:01:44.000 Like, this last record sucked.

02:01:46.000 The second song's okay, but the third song blows, and the fourth one's like...

02:01:51.000 That's the fuck you, you're not funny person in the crowd.

02:01:53.000 There's always going to be a percentage of them.

02:01:55.000 It's an unavoidable aspect of human nature.

02:01:58.000 There's a bunch of people that don't do anything, can't contribute, and want to knock down everything they see in front of them.

02:02:03.000 There's a bunch of people that were born with amazing genetics that just have this superiority over everybody that they believe is real.

02:02:09.000 Especially if you're pretty and everybody wants to fuck you and you think you could yell at anything at the guy on stage.

02:02:14.000 Maybe you hate men because your ex-boyfriend's a piece of shit and you've had a couple of cocktails and fuck him and fuck this guy.

02:02:20.000 Don't fucking say women can't do it. 1.00

02:02:24.000 Are you trying to break down your bit?

02:02:30.000 Well, that's the best.

02:02:31.000 I had a lady heckle me once where I was trying to explain. 1.00

02:02:34.000 I was doing this bit about...

02:02:35.000 I had a bit about the guy who broke into the White House.

02:02:38.000 Because this guy...

02:02:40.000 Some fucking maniac broke into the White House.

02:02:42.000 He just hopped the fence, ran across the lawn, and broke in, and there was a lady guarding the front door. 0.99

02:02:47.000 And he smacked her to the ground and just ran through.

02:02:49.000 And he got tackled by an off-duty Secret Service guy.

02:02:52.000 It was like getting a cup of coffee and sees this fucking guy running through the White House, and he tackles him.

02:02:56.000 And the joke was about a woman being a security guard at the White House. 0.96

02:03:00.000 And the joke was supposed to be, I know, because...

02:03:05.000 Guess what?

02:03:06.000 I shouldn't be a security guard at the White House.

02:03:08.000 I go, and you know how I know?

02:03:09.000 Because I met Shaquille O'Neal and his dick is where my face is.

02:03:11.000 It was like if the White House is experiencing a shack attack, I'm the wrong dude to save the world.

02:03:16.000 You know shit?

02:03:17.000 So the whole joke was about that and I couldn't get it out because this lady's like, bullshit, bullshit. 1.00

02:03:23.000 So the joke was, women can't do everything men can do because men can't do everything men can do.

02:03:28.000 That's why we have the Olympics.

02:03:30.000 There's some people that can just do shit that regular people can't do.

02:03:33.000 And one of those things is guarding the fucking White House.

02:03:36.000 Like, you should be a big fucking giant dude who's capable of extreme violence.

02:03:40.000 But this bitch wouldn't let me get this out. 1.00

02:03:42.000 She's like, and I try to explain to her, this is how the joke goes.

02:03:45.000 And then I went further into the joke, and she chimed in again.

02:03:48.000 I explained the joke, and then she was like, okay.

02:03:51.000 I'm like, yeah, I'm saying I can't do it.

02:03:53.000 I've gone hard at female cops so much. 1.00

02:03:56.000 It's so great when I meet female cops that are like... 1.00

02:03:58.000 They usually have a great sense of humor about it, quite honestly.

02:04:00.000 But I will film and send to, like, Soders, who I'll do it to. 1.00

02:04:04.000 I watch Cops still a lot, like clips of the show Cops.

02:04:08.000 And there was one I watched recently that was just about...

02:04:11.000 It's a female cop.

02:04:12.000 Whenever it's a female cop, I'm like, I get my phone ready in case I have to film this. 1.00

02:04:16.000 Because I go, it's always going to be something hilarious.

02:04:18.000 And they're always in the way somehow or something.

02:04:21.000 And they're trying to stop this guy.

02:04:23.000 You know, he's on foot, black dude. 0.96

02:04:24.000 And this lady's like, let me see your ID. 1.00

02:04:26.000 Let me see your ID right now.

02:04:28.000 And the guy's just slowly backing away, and then he just decides to go start running.

02:04:32.000 And he runs, and this girl is chasing him.

02:04:34.000 This black guy is so far away from her, it's ridiculous. 1.00

02:04:37.000 And then, just coming, zipping right past her is a dude cop who just catches the guy and tackles him.

02:04:43.000 And then the rest of the time, it's her standing over her, breathing hard.

02:04:45.000 She's like, son of a bitch got away from me. 1.00

02:04:48.000 And she's like, lady, what are you doing?

02:04:50.000 What are you doing?

02:04:51.000 I saw...

02:04:53.000 One time I was waiting outside of a doctor's office in New York and I saw a guy who was naked with his hospital gown on the floor next to him.

02:05:02.000 This isn't outside of a hospital, by the way.

02:05:04.000 It's just a doctor's office.

02:05:05.000 This guy left the hospital clearly.

02:05:06.000 He's naked.

02:05:07.000 Still has his bracelet on.

02:05:09.000 He's flapping his dick around.

02:05:10.000 So I call the cops and I go, hey, I think there's a guy who got out of a hospital here.

02:05:15.000 He's naked and he seems pretty unruly.

02:05:17.000 He's like screaming shit.

02:05:18.000 He's being kind of weird.

02:05:19.000 And they go, will you stay on the phone with us and let me know when the officers get there?

02:05:23.000 I go, sure.

02:05:24.000 And then a big NYPD van pulls up, and two tiny little ladies get out. 1.00

02:05:29.000 And I started laughing on the phone, and I'm like, yo, I don't think these ones are going to be able to handle it.

02:05:35.000 You might want to send somebody else.

02:05:36.000 And they go, why?

02:05:36.000 I go, because it's like two tiny ladies, miss.

02:05:39.000 And this guy's like, I'm going to have to get involved now, and I don't want to.

02:05:44.000 And then the guy stood up, and he's walking towards them, and the ladies are like, first of all, already touching their guns, which is like...

02:05:50.000 Again, not really necessary.

02:05:52.000 The guy's naked.

02:05:52.000 He doesn't have a weapon, but it's just they're so tiny.

02:05:54.000 Like, how many options do they have if he goes at them, right?

02:05:58.000 That's the thing.

02:05:58.000 If you're a small woman and a naked guy is coming your way and you don't know how to fight and you have a gun, you're grabbing your gun.

02:06:05.000 And the guy just went up to them and just stood about seven feet in front of them and started pissing at their feet.

02:06:11.000 And then finally, another cop car came with a guy who just, I mean, got out of the car right away, grabbed him by the arms, you know what I mean?

02:06:17.000 Put his arms behind his back and they put the...

02:06:19.000 The thing back over him, his gown back on him.

02:06:22.000 But it was just like...

02:06:22.000 The guy had to pee.

02:06:23.000 What's the problem?

02:06:23.000 He couldn't find his clothes.

02:06:25.000 But it's just so wild that I'm like, why are these two a team at all?

02:06:30.000 Yeah. I mean, I would like to say that women could do everything men can do. 0.98

02:06:35.000 But I think in that circumstance, you'd probably want a big man.

02:06:39.000 Field police work?

02:06:41.000 That's crazy.

02:06:41.000 You're dealing...

02:06:42.000 One of the scariest videos that I ever saw was this guy.

02:06:45.000 This lady pulled him over on the highway and the guy gets out and he's...

02:06:49.000 Beating the fuck out of this lady cop and his daughter, the guy who's beating the cop, his daughter is saying, Daddy, stop. 1.00

02:07:00.000 Daddy, stop. 0.99

02:07:00.000 Because he's just beating the shit out of this unconscious lady. 0.99

02:07:04.000 It's so scary.

02:07:06.000 It's so scary because there's no way she should have been in that situation.

02:07:10.000 There's no way.

02:07:11.000 A chubby female cop to boot is the funniest, too. 1.00

02:07:14.000 You're like, what is happening?

02:07:15.000 All the time.

02:07:16.000 What is the problem they're going to solve?

02:07:17.000 All the time.

02:07:18.000 But they're in the way.

02:07:20.000 I was at a casino once, and this person, who I thought, air quotes, was a woman. 0.97

02:07:28.000 And I was talking to, and she was a security guard.

02:07:30.000 Like, five foot five.

02:07:32.000 Like, shorter than me.

02:07:33.000 Security guard.

02:07:34.000 Woman. I thought.

02:07:36.000 I thought it was a woman. 0.73

02:07:37.000 And it wasn't disturbed by the fact that she was a security guard.

02:07:41.000 None of it.

02:07:42.000 But then at the end of the night...

02:07:44.000 I had been talking to these people, you know, the show was over, and I was like, well, ladies, it was really nice to meet you.

02:07:50.000 And she says, actually, I'm a man.

02:07:53.000 And she says it, like, with a woman's voice.

02:07:55.000 And I'm like, stuck.

02:07:58.000 You know, I probably had a couple cocktails, just did a show.

02:08:01.000 And I'm probably gonna go, nah.

02:08:04.000 For sure?

02:08:06.000 Like, what?

02:08:08.000 So I said, I'm sorry.

02:08:09.000 I didn't mean anything by it.

02:08:10.000 I didn't know.

02:08:11.000 I gave her a hug.

02:08:13.000 Hugged everybody on the left.

02:08:14.000 I felt proud of myself that I didn't say something.

02:08:16.000 You should have nut-checked her. 0.99

02:08:19.000 It's just like, definitely you're not, but whatever.

02:08:23.000 To think that I should have known, that's crazy.

02:08:26.000 That you identify as a man.

02:08:29.000 I had something turn on me so bad with that.

02:08:31.000 Not even a mustache.

02:08:32.000 At a diner.

02:08:35.000 It was me, Josh, Adam Meyers, and my girlfriend went to...

02:08:40.000 A concert and we went to a diner afterwards.

02:08:42.000 And where they sat us at this diner, our table, was facing the booths that are going across.

02:08:47.000 And the booth right across from where I'm staring is this cute girl and what I thought was a goth guy.

02:08:55.000 I thought it was like a goth dude who's wearing like kind of fishnet stuff and everything.

02:09:00.000 And they are making out hard.

02:09:03.000 Like going.

02:09:03.000 They're going for it.

02:09:05.000 And I'm like, you know, we're kind of like laughing it off.

02:09:08.000 Almost, at first, you know, like, alright.

02:09:11.000 I guess, like, they're going...

02:09:12.000 But then it starts getting, like, there.

02:09:14.000 Like, she's, like, getting in a position, the girl, the only girl, I thought, when, like, the goth guy, he's rubbing, like, her pussy over the pants, and she's, like, writhing around and stuff. 0.99

02:09:25.000 And this is going on.

02:09:26.000 Then they stop.

02:09:27.000 In a diner?

02:09:27.000 Yeah. Then they stop.

02:09:29.000 Then they start again.

02:09:30.000 It's at a point where I go, laughingly, though, too, I kind of go, alright, come on.

02:09:35.000 And they're like, they have like an, oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with you thing?

02:09:39.000 Now there's people, they're in a booth, and we're the only people who see them.

02:09:42.000 We're facing them.

02:09:44.000 These booths are other people, but they're just not paying attention to what's going on there.

02:09:48.000 I'm just having to look at it, and I'm like, alright.

02:09:50.000 And they're like, what's the problem?

02:09:52.000 And I'm still just kind of laughingly going like, I get it, but like, you know, I'm doing like a, guys, I'm like, you're fucking at the table.

02:09:58.000 I mean, like, it's crazy.

02:09:59.000 We're in a diner.

02:10:00.000 And then it's getting shitty about it, and then I'm just like, I don't know what the problem is.

02:10:05.000 I'm like that's crazy what you're doing and everything and I'm like we're not wrong here and then she was and then she goes would you have a problem if we were a straight couple and I was like I thought that was I thought that was a guy as I didn't know it wasn't a straight couple and then Whatever it all kind of calms down and then our food's coming Which is weird we still have to sit there and I go yeah I'm gonna go outside and smoke a cigarette and like regroup here a little bit biggest mistake I ever made because I went outside and I'm this is like a big glass front restaurant

02:10:35.000 you know diner and I'm smoking right outside the diner and I'm watching the narrative get created in the room without me being in the room like the people behind and the staff coming up and being like the we're sorry things People have to still act like that people still act like that today and when I go back in the E I mean we are Pariahs I just feel like and then the host guy Uh, who like, you know, seats everybody as gay, and he's side-eye.

02:11:02.000 It's just, it was so uncomfortable, and I was like...

02:11:05.000 How'd you explain yourself?

02:11:05.000 We didn't do anything.

02:11:07.000 No, there was nothing to explain.

02:11:08.000 He just went to kind of awkwardly give us our food, and I'm like, you guys are mad somehow at me.

02:11:11.000 How much spit do you think you ate?

02:11:13.000 Oh, so much.

02:11:14.000 So much spit.

02:11:15.000 It was shitty food.

02:11:16.000 Then I told that story on my radio show.

02:11:18.000 It was funny, and somebody, like, messaged, like, the Yelp or whatever of the thing, and they were like...

02:11:23.000 That guy was being transphobic, and this is a welcoming restaurant who allows anybody in.

02:11:29.000 It's like, how is this the narrative of what happened?

02:11:32.000 They got you.

02:11:33.000 They got me.

02:11:33.000 They got you.

02:11:34.000 Completely created around me.

02:11:35.000 I wouldn't have cared if it was trans. 1.00

02:11:37.000 I thought it was a straight couple fucking in a diner booth that I wanted to stop. 1.00

02:11:41.000 Yeah, people are good at spinning a tail. 0.99

02:11:43.000 And by the way, I said it's always the in-betweens, too.

02:11:45.000 In full disclosure, if the guy had what I thought was the guy...

02:11:51.000 Had that girl's like shorts to the side, and I was watching him finger, I wouldn't have said a word. 0.54

02:11:56.000 I would just sit there and just drank it all in.

02:11:57.000 Interesting. It was just- It wasn't going hard enough.

02:12:00.000 It wasn't soft enough or hard enough.

02:12:04.000 It was Goldilocks right in the middle, and I don't want to see you guys dry hump while I'm eating.

02:12:09.000 Either finger, where we can all see, or fucking take it down the road. 0.64

02:12:13.000 It's hilarious that they put that.

02:12:15.000 Put transphobia on it.

02:12:16.000 I mean, the whole diner when we went back in was like, these intolerant people go, I don't care if that's a girl.

02:12:22.000 It means nothing to me.

02:12:23.000 They didn't see it.

02:12:25.000 Also, maybe if they announced there was a girl out of the gates, I might have not said anything either.

02:12:31.000 Just two chicks going at it. 1.00

02:12:32.000 I'm like, look at these two wild motherfuckers. 1.00

02:12:34.000 Right, you just thought it was crazy that it was a dude doing that.

02:12:36.000 Yeah. That's funny.

02:12:38.000 Isn't that funny?

02:12:39.000 That's weird.

02:12:41.000 It's weird how we look at that.

02:12:42.000 Oh, yeah, but I said you get wrapped up in a thing, and you're like, you're transphobic.

02:12:45.000 That has nothing to do with any of this.

02:12:47.000 It's a problem, because that label, you can just slap on someone when you're talking about, like, male athletes that identify as women competing in girl sports.

02:12:56.000 Like, that's not transphobic.

02:12:58.000 That's just, we're talking about something crazy.

02:13:00.000 Can I be trans-weirdic? 1.00

02:13:01.000 Is that a term?

02:13:02.000 Just be like, I think that's weird that, uh...

02:13:05.000 That there's a 6'7 woman beating up an actual woman in a ring? 1.00

02:13:10.000 There was some lady who was just arguing that there's no biological difference between men and women. 1.00

02:13:17.000 Nice. I'm going to send you this, Jamie, because it's so kooky.

02:13:20.000 You're like, come on.

02:13:20.000 Doctor Who.

02:13:21.000 You can't really think that this is true.

02:13:23.000 This is...

02:13:24.000 No biological difference?

02:13:26.000 There's no difference between men and women's strength. 0.97

02:13:29.000 Pennsylvania state senator said there's no biological advantage for men in women's sports or disadvantage for women in men's sports.

02:13:38.000 That's a woman? 1.00

02:13:39.000 A woman said this.

02:13:40.000 This is so crazy.

02:13:41.000 I just sent it to you, Jamie.

02:13:42.000 It's so kooky.

02:13:43.000 You're like, come on.

02:13:44.000 I know you want to believe this, but if you're going to be on TV saying things, it has to make some kind of fucking sense.

02:13:51.000 Female bodies are just as strong, fast, and capable as male bodies. 1.00

02:13:57.000 I want all girls to know that there are elected officials like me who would never underestimate your ability to beat a boy at their own sport because that's what the premise of this bill assumes that female bodies are less than male bodies for what reason other than political gain are we spending time and taxpayer dollars on a completely made-up issue so female bodies are 1.00

02:14:25.000 That's so crazy!

02:14:28.000 She just got caught up in the woke...

02:14:32.000 Bullshit. She lives in an echo chamber, probably. 0.98

02:14:34.000 All the people around her are all either in academia or in some sort of left-wing fucking ideology.

02:14:40.000 And they really believe that.

02:14:42.000 And they believe that you should say that.

02:14:44.000 Because if you're not saying that, you're saying women are less than men.

02:14:48.000 That's not what anybody's saying.

02:14:49.000 Strength and speed and athleticism is not all of life.

02:14:53.000 Well, you made the point.

02:14:54.000 There's men that are less than men in different areas.

02:14:56.000 Yeah. Of course.

02:14:57.000 They're called coders.

02:14:58.000 They're out there.

02:14:59.000 They're incels.

02:15:00.000 They're online.

02:15:00.000 They're making apps.

02:15:02.000 There's a lot of different roles for people.

02:15:04.000 It doesn't make you a man just because you can run faster than everybody else.

02:15:08.000 But to say that men can't run faster than women is just, you're denying statistics.

02:15:13.000 And science and all the information that we have gathered forever.

02:15:16.000 We have so much data.

02:15:18.000 High school 15-year-old boys beat the women's soccer team.

02:15:23.000 The professional team.

02:15:25.000 So shut the fuck up. 1.00

02:15:27.000 This is stupid to say.

02:15:28.000 This is stupid to say.

02:15:30.000 It's not transphobic, homophobic.

02:15:33.000 It's not gender-phobic.

02:15:35.000 It's not misogynistic.

02:15:36.000 It's just a fact of physical nature.

02:15:38.000 Also, if you hit the pinnacle, the fight's over.

02:15:41.000 Do you know what I mean?

02:15:42.000 If you go, like, women's sports is highly attended.

02:15:44.000 It's given the same amount of TV time as men's sport and everything.

02:15:47.000 And it's like, yeah, not enough.

02:15:49.000 Not really.

02:15:50.000 Like, now I want to be in men's sports also.

02:15:52.000 Well, that's the craziest one.

02:15:53.000 When the WNBA players want as much money as the NBA players. 1.00

02:15:57.000 The NBA actually generates extreme amounts of revenue.

02:16:01.000 Somebody wrote a joke about it.

02:16:02.000 The WNBA wanted what their just pay was, and so they owe $400 million. 1.00

02:16:09.000 Because that's really what...

02:16:10.000 How it balances out.

02:16:12.000 It's like a losing...

02:16:12.000 It's never been profitable.

02:16:14.000 Do you know with those things, but again, it's like you're helping the one to hurt the many in so many things, too.

02:16:22.000 It's just like that video Shane showed me this years ago.

02:16:25.000 The blind kid playing football.

02:16:27.000 It's like a little boy playing Pop Warner football and he's blind.

02:16:30.000 And I'm like, who's this for?

02:16:33.000 Where is your dad?

02:16:35.000 Why is he letting you do that?

02:16:36.000 Who is this for?

02:16:37.000 Is it Daredevil?

02:16:37.000 And the kid gives a speech.

02:16:39.000 In the video, he gives a speech and he goes, he goes, a lot of people say blind people can't play football.

02:16:45.000 And you're like, yeah, everybody.

02:16:48.000 And you've never seen this video?

02:16:49.000 No. This is maybe my favorite video on the internet.

02:16:51.000 Blind football, Jamie, if you could.

02:16:54.000 This is, it's a 30-second video.

02:16:56.000 The song they pick for this is the greatest thing in the world.

02:17:03.000 So here's the thing about the WNBA. 1.00

02:17:05.000 If you love the WNBA, that's great.

02:17:07.000 There's a certain amount of people that love the WNBA.

02:17:09.000 It's great that women have an avenue for professional sports. 1.00

02:17:13.000 But you only get paid as much as people are willing to go to see you.

02:17:17.000 And if they're not willing to go to see you, I'm sorry.

02:17:19.000 Because they want to see dunks.

02:17:20.000 This kid's blind.

02:17:22.000 It's that kind of confidence that continues to amaze people who watch Dylan play.

02:17:27.000 Oh, this is so crazy.

02:17:29.000 Blind. Oh, this is so crazy.

02:17:31.000 I can't see, and a lot of people think that a blind person can't play football.

02:17:36.000 But this courageous youngster has proven those people wrong.

02:17:42.000 What the fuck is going on?

02:17:46.000 I mean, you can't play football by smell.

02:17:51.000 It's impossible.

02:17:52.000 But again, what you're actually doing is making this game not fun for anybody else out there.

02:17:57.000 Right. You can't hit the blind kid.

02:17:59.000 No one's going to hit the blanket, and if you do, you're a dick.

02:18:01.000 You're just running around, so you have one less player, for real.

02:18:04.000 It's just like your team has decided to be on a handicap so you can get on the news.

02:18:08.000 We used to play basketball on a story every Wednesday, and Nate Bargazzi one time brought his friend Nick Novicki, who's a little person, comedian, and he brought him, and we were like, oh, he's going to play?

02:18:20.000 Like, alright, I guess.

02:18:22.000 And we let him play, and every time he'd get the ball, the defense would lay off him and let him shoot.

02:18:27.000 And he'd make it or miss it, but it was what it was.

02:18:30.000 And then he started, when everyone would lay off on defense, instead of shooting the ball, he'd try to run in and do a layup, and we're letting him.

02:18:38.000 Until eventually Nate Bargazzi, of all people, goes over and just cleaned his shot right into the projects.

02:18:43.000 He just sent him away.

02:18:44.000 He's like, we can't just let this happen the whole time.

02:18:48.000 It becomes not fun for everybody.

02:18:52.000 When I was a kid, I remember very few stories, but there was a handful of the girl that fought to get on the men's football team.

02:18:59.000 Football's such a violent sport that to let girls play it, they have to put them in lingerie. 1.00

02:19:03.000 The lingerie football league is the only visible women playing football sport.

02:19:09.000 I don't know, but I wanted to start taking bets on it.

02:19:11.000 That was a thing, right?

02:19:12.000 At one point in time?

02:19:14.000 Oh yeah, and they hit hard.

02:19:16.000 Never saw roller derby.

02:19:17.000 There's also buns in basketball where they have morbidly obese black chicks wear thongs and play basketball. 1.00

02:19:23.000 I haven't seen that.

02:19:23.000 Oh. But roller derby is like a really hardcore lesbian type activity, right?

02:19:29.000 Oh, yeah.

02:19:29.000 I would imagine.

02:19:30.000 I would assume, yeah, yeah.

02:19:31.000 Like really hardcore dyke bar girls with fucking weird tattoos. 1.00

02:19:36.000 And there's some element of wrestling to it also.

02:19:39.000 It's like not fully real.

02:19:40.000 Very aggressive.

02:19:42.000 They slam into each other.

02:19:43.000 They get fucking crazy.

02:19:45.000 Lingerie football, if you look up lingerie football's biggest hits, it's nuts.

02:19:49.000 This is not lingerie, but I saw they made a deal for something to air on ESPN2 this year.

02:19:53.000 This is like a women's tackle football league championship game from last year.

02:19:56.000 Wait a minute.

02:19:57.000 These are chicks? 0.96

02:19:57.000 Yeah. Come on. 0.96

02:19:58.000 Go back.

02:19:59.000 That was a hell of a play.

02:20:01.000 Whoa. That's nuts.

02:20:03.000 30, 40-yard pass.

02:20:04.000 Caught it.

02:20:05.000 What? Oh, my God.

02:20:06.000 That's crazy.

02:20:09.000 Dude, they look pretty good.

02:20:10.000 Yeah. This looks better than WNBA. 0.83

02:20:12.000 Maybe they found it.

02:20:14.000 Maybe women's tackle football is what's up. 1.00

02:20:16.000 Because you're going to see a lot of tackles.

02:20:18.000 Oh, yeah.

02:20:19.000 Yeah, I don't know if they get jacked up like they do in the NFL or anything.

02:20:22.000 Well, they have to.

02:20:23.000 They're running into each other.

02:20:25.000 Well, here's what's funny about this.

02:20:27.000 These hits are pretty good, but they're wearing actual football pads.

02:20:30.000 Lingerie football's biggest hits are they're wearing...

02:20:32.000 Bikinis. Yeah, they're wearing shoulder pads and lingerie. 1.00

02:20:35.000 They look like the fucking, like the Legion of Doom.

02:20:37.000 They fucking used to come out.

02:20:38.000 Oh, this is it?

02:20:39.000 Dude, they whale each other. 0.98

02:20:41.000 Do they really?

02:20:42.000 I mean, it's crazy.

02:20:44.000 And titties never come out.

02:20:46.000 That's great.

02:20:47.000 They must have the thing strapped down.

02:20:48.000 That's... Ouch!

02:20:49.000 Ouch! It's like these pileups are crazy.

02:20:51.000 How much staph infection is coming out of these fucking things?

02:20:54.000 I've seen a lot of staff.

02:20:56.000 I've seen a lot of staff happen in the future, these ladies. 0.99

02:20:59.000 I mean, they blast each other into the sides.

02:21:01.000 You're going to get scratched up bad.

02:21:03.000 You're going to get staffed for sure.

02:21:05.000 But I will say, the fact you get 22 girls on a field who are not fighting the idea of like, oh, so we just got to dress like sluts to play football. 0.89

02:21:15.000 They just go, yeah, we're just like sluts to play football. 1.00

02:21:17.000 Fuck it.

02:21:18.000 Why are they shamed?

02:21:21.000 If you find buns in basketball. 0.80

02:21:23.000 We should buy a franchise, dude.

02:21:24.000 I'll go Havsies with you.

02:21:25.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

02:21:28.000 Oh my God.

02:21:29.000 There's a couple of BBLs in there.

02:21:30.000 Actually, see if you can find the Benzen basketball leg break.

02:21:33.000 There's a girl who fucking... 1.00

02:21:34.000 She has a Paul George-like fucking leg break. 0.83

02:21:37.000 Because she's just fat and she falls under the weight of her dribbling. 1.00

02:21:40.000 How bad is it?

02:21:43.000 It's pretty gnarly.

02:21:44.000 It's not the worst I've ever seen.

02:21:46.000 It's not Tom Segura's arm bad, but it's close.

02:21:48.000 That was bad.

02:21:49.000 That was so bad.

02:21:50.000 It's because when he pulls it back and it's flopped.

02:21:52.000 It's the Anderson Silva retracting the flopped leg.

02:21:56.000 You know, his arm still is fucked.

02:21:58.000 Tom's? Yeah, still not 100%.

02:22:00.000 Oh, I'd have to assume.

02:22:01.000 His grip is still fucked up.

02:22:02.000 He had a bunch of nerve surgeries and shit.

02:22:04.000 Yeah, that was gnarly.

02:22:05.000 Dude. Imagine if anyone was playing defense.

02:22:09.000 Just going for a layup.

02:22:12.000 It just pops.

02:22:13.000 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

02:22:16.000 Oh, God!

02:22:20.000 It just snaps.

02:22:22.000 For buns and basketball, of all things.

02:22:25.000 Oh, it just snapped.

02:22:27.000 Oh, my God.

02:22:28.000 Hey, I can tell it's going to rain tomorrow.

02:22:30.000 How do you know that?

02:22:31.000 Old buns and basketball injury.

02:22:33.000 Bro, those are bad injuries.

02:22:35.000 The femurs are a real bad one because you got to get blood flow to it.

02:22:39.000 Sometimes it takes a long time.

02:22:40.000 Sometimes it doesn't fully heal.

02:22:42.000 Yeah. I know a couple will be a little broken femurs.

02:22:45.000 That's the most painful one.

02:22:47.000 Yeah, I know a dude, Frank Mir, he was UFC champion.

02:22:50.000 He got hit by a car when he was on his motorcycle, and he got thrown through the air.

02:22:55.000 And he was a giant fucking dude.

02:22:57.000 He came back, too.

02:22:58.000 It took a long time, but he was really back-back.

02:23:01.000 It took well over a year and a half, two years, before he was really performing at the same level.

02:23:07.000 I mean, you'd have to ask him.

02:23:08.000 Then he came out and fought Brock, right?

02:23:09.000 He was the right of way.

02:23:10.000 Yep, he fought Brock, he knee-barred him.

02:23:12.000 Yeah, that was all after the accident.

02:23:14.000 Yeah. Man, UFC really has straightened out your belief in other people from other sports saying, like, I can come do mixed martial arts.

02:23:23.000 Very few could ever pull it off.

02:23:24.000 But Brock pulled it off.

02:23:26.000 I mean, the funniest one for me was, again, just that blind belief I had in Kimbo Slice.

02:23:33.000 I don't know why I didn't think that Roy Nelson would just hold him on the ground and mush his face until a referee was like, hey, leave him alone.

02:23:40.000 That's crazy.

02:23:42.000 He's a tough motherfucker, obviously.

02:23:43.000 If he was fighting just stand-up only, he's very dangerous.

02:23:46.000 If bare-knuckle boxing was around back then, he would have been a huge star of bare-knuckle boxing.

02:23:52.000 He would have fucked a lot of people up bare-knuckle boxing.

02:23:55.000 But once you add in the wrestling, and Kimbo had a bunch of knee injuries from football, you can't really grapple at full capacity with knee injuries and learn grappling at 35 or however old he was.

02:24:10.000 But, dude, kudos to that guy for having the courage to actually just get into the UFC Ultimate Fighter.

02:24:17.000 That's crazy.

02:24:18.000 With very little grappling against...

02:24:20.000 Roy Nelson was a jiu-jitsu black belt.

02:24:21.000 Henzo Gracie black belt.

02:24:23.000 Like, Roy Nelson's fucking legit on the ground.

02:24:26.000 He was great.

02:24:26.000 Big country.

02:24:27.000 He was so fun.

02:24:28.000 He was so heavy, too.

02:24:29.000 Big old belly.

02:24:30.000 He knows how to hold people down.

02:24:31.000 And he was like, he would shut up Burger King.

02:24:33.000 He'd go to Burger King after the fights and stuff.

02:24:34.000 He also could fucking...

02:24:36.000 Punch, dude.

02:24:37.000 That guy could punch.

02:24:39.000 He had some of the craziest one-punch knockouts ever.

02:24:41.000 Does that career amount to, like, is he sitting on money now, like a guy like that?

02:24:47.000 I don't know.

02:24:48.000 I haven't talked to Roy in forever.

02:24:49.000 I don't know.

02:24:50.000 He wound up fighting for a bunch of different organizations when he left the UFC.

02:24:55.000 I think he fought for Bellator.

02:24:57.000 But that guy has some crazy highlights.

02:25:00.000 He knocked out Schaub one shot.

02:25:02.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

02:25:03.000 He knocked out a lot of people, dude.

02:25:05.000 He'd connect on people.

02:25:06.000 They would go night-night.

02:25:07.000 It was nuts, man.

02:25:09.000 He knocked out Mitrione.

02:25:10.000 He knocked out a lot of fucking big, tough dudes.

02:25:13.000 When anybody comes to show up, I'm always like, it's not even the wins he's had more than I'm like, this guy's not afraid of you.

02:25:21.000 He's been punched by the best.

02:25:23.000 I promise you, whatever you think he thinks you can do to him, it's not as bad as that.

02:25:27.000 He's been beaten up by world champions.

02:25:29.000 And he's knocked out world champions.

02:25:30.000 He knocked out Mirko Krokop.

02:25:32.000 Which was crazy.

02:25:33.000 Like, Mirko Kropkopp, back in the day, was the fucking man.

02:25:37.000 Sure. He was like the first elite kickboxer to really excel in MMA.

02:25:42.000 He was the first guy to show all these other strikers that you don't even know what you're talking about.

02:25:46.000 When he started fighting in pride, it was like, this is another level.

02:25:50.000 He would kick...

02:25:51.000 People in the body and you would see like there's a photo of him Keith kicking Heath Herig and his fucking shin is halfway into his ribcage It's so nasty when you look at the photo of it You just go the amount of power that that guy could generate in his kicks like there was nobody like that before him and kickboxing or in MMA rather I felt so bad the first that first UFC coming back during a quarantine It was so important to everybody.

02:26:18.000 I don't know if it was the first one or the second one that came out, but that was when I was like, man, you've got to really pick your timing on when you're going to shout out what you're dedicating a fight to.

02:26:27.000 Because there's that poor guy.

02:26:28.000 He lost his stepdaughter, and then he came out wearing the shirt of the stepdaughter who passed away.

02:26:34.000 And it was all dedicated to her.

02:26:36.000 I mean, you can see, as Alistair Overeem beat him into submission with punches, the referee was even kind of going like...

02:26:43.000 Come on, man, please try to fight back.

02:26:46.000 I said at the end, Alistair Overeem should have been like, it's okay, everybody.

02:26:49.000 I was also fighting for his stepdaughter.

02:26:52.000 I'm like, yay!

02:26:54.000 Yeah, it's tough.

02:26:55.000 I mean, but to shout that out, like, before, yeah, it's crazy.

02:26:58.000 It's a lot of weight on YouTube.

02:26:59.000 Those are great YouTube compilations.

02:27:01.000 The cocky fighter comes in the ring to lose.

02:27:04.000 Oh, there's always, like, the guy pushes the guy at the weigh-ins and starts shit at the weigh-ins and gets knocked unconscious.

02:27:08.000 There was one, a guy came in the UFC cage.

02:27:11.000 I forget who it was, but the way he entered the ring, he did a thing where he hung on the outside of the cage and swung into the ring and did some crazy move.

02:27:19.000 It was an immediate knockout.

02:27:21.000 It was like a 30-seconder.

02:27:23.000 Well, it's like you planning to talk to J-Lo.

02:27:26.000 You just gotta let things happen.

02:27:28.000 You can't plan things out.

02:27:30.000 The inauthenticity of your planning will come to haunt you.

02:27:34.000 Yeah. Also, the shit you talk through life is also in broadcasting.

02:27:38.000 As you start to get guests, it starts to haunt you.

02:27:40.000 It's like the thing, like, Howard Stern had to make a gazillion apologies, I assume, by the time the guest he got on, because we've done it.

02:27:46.000 Man, we fucked up so bad.

02:27:48.000 We came in one day, we saw Bret Michaels in the Fishbowl.

02:27:51.000 It was when me and Soda were doing the show still.

02:27:52.000 The Fishbowl?

02:27:53.000 What's the Fishbowl?

02:27:53.000 Of SiriusXM, it's like there's a studio that you could see into right in the front there where they'll do performances and stuff.

02:28:00.000 Oh, okay.

02:28:00.000 And we were up in the Fishbowl one time, we saw Bret Michaels when we came in talking to somebody.

02:28:07.000 And then we go on air, and almost like for the bit, we're like...

02:28:09.000 How do we never get offered these guys?

02:28:10.000 There's always celebrities here and they weren't even brought to us as we can get them.

02:28:13.000 It's so fucking crazy.

02:28:15.000 And I go, right now as we speak, Bret Michaels is out there and we said something about his bandana being attached to his hair.

02:28:23.000 And I think Soder said they lower his bandana hair onto him like Darth Vader.

02:28:28.000 He just sits there and they lower it on.

02:28:30.000 And then they come back and they go, he said he's willing to come in.

02:28:34.000 Oh no!

02:28:35.000 Then he comes in and he's lovely.

02:28:37.000 This guy was making Future promises with us of what stuff he wants to do with us and hang out and come be a part of his summer festival and broadcast from there because he loves us so much.

02:28:48.000 But his manager was listening the whole time and he said as soon as he left the studio, they went, those guys are not your friends.

02:28:54.000 And you're like, ah, shit.

02:28:56.000 Fuck. Shit.

02:28:57.000 He's got to understand.

02:28:58.000 They didn't know you.

02:29:00.000 That's what it is.

02:29:01.000 No, they know you.

02:29:01.000 They're talking shit.

02:29:02.000 It's natural.

02:29:02.000 Corey Feldman hates my guts and it's like...

02:29:04.000 What'd you do?

02:29:05.000 Well, I've never non-stopped talking about him.

02:29:07.000 I've seen the videos.

02:29:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:29:09.000 We've never stopped going.

02:29:10.000 Oh, yeah.

02:29:10.000 Do you hate on his dancing?

02:29:11.000 Yeah. Maybe it's getting better.

02:29:13.000 We're not even hating on it at all.

02:29:14.000 I love it.

02:29:15.000 I want to do nothing different.

02:29:18.000 And I wish they tried.

02:29:19.000 He tried to have us not allowed at his show, and he opened for Limp Bizkit.

02:29:23.000 Not allowed?

02:29:23.000 Yeah, and this head of security was a fan.

02:29:25.000 He came over to me and Bobby Kelly, and he was like, yeah, he goes, he was asking if you guys were coming.

02:29:30.000 I said yes.

02:29:31.000 Then he asked if he could not let you in, and I was like, well, they're not.

02:29:35.000 Doing anything, not threatening you or anything.

02:29:37.000 They're coming to watch a show.

02:29:38.000 And he was like, well, can I at least know where they're sitting at?

02:29:40.000 And he goes, it'll be wherever the most excited people are.

02:29:43.000 And son of a bitch, where are we?

02:29:45.000 I mean, we were a sprout of grass on a dirt field of people.

02:29:48.000 I mean, we were the only ones.

02:29:50.000 We were hyped.

02:29:50.000 I know all the words.

02:29:51.000 He's the best.

02:29:53.000 But that was the genius of Howard Stern that I fucked up when I started getting into broadcasting.

02:30:00.000 I broadcasted always like it was going to be me talking to a friend or friends.

02:30:04.000 Shooting the shit.

02:30:05.000 Right. Not that you're going to come across these people.

02:30:06.000 So I would have played more what Howard Stern was always great at.

02:30:09.000 It's like, take the lunatic, but he's always going to be like, no, you're great.

02:30:13.000 Dude, you're the best.

02:30:14.000 And let the world make the joke.

02:30:17.000 Right. Instead, I go at it, but I was like, man, I would have loved to just have Corey Feldman come in bi-monthly to do it.

02:30:23.000 Hey, you got a new song?

02:30:24.000 Play it, dude.

02:30:24.000 I'll bite my fucking finger while I...

02:30:29.000 Poor Corey.

02:30:30.000 The thing about Corey that really does bother me, like legitimately.

02:30:33.000 We're so happy.

02:30:35.000 Oh, this is him?

02:30:36.000 Let me hear this.

02:30:37.000 Yeah. Yeah.

02:30:48.000 He yells at his band.

02:30:50.000 It's such a weird...

02:30:52.000 The guitar solo.

02:30:58.000 He doesn't know how to play the guitar.

02:30:59.000 That's so crazy.

02:31:00.000 But he just does a solo.

02:31:01.000 How can you do a guitar solo if you don't know how to play a guitar?

02:31:04.000 Does he actually not know how to play a guitar?

02:31:06.000 Like, do you know how to play?

02:31:07.000 No. No, no, but you don't have to know how to play to know he does not know how to play.

02:31:11.000 I could do what he's doing, for sure.

02:31:13.000 But then, here's what he did.

02:31:15.000 I don't know what the trickleback is, but I said, after that was going viral, the guitar, I was like, why doesn't this guy just come out and say, like, if he's kind of like, no, I get it.

02:31:25.000 I get the joke, too.

02:31:26.000 Like then it kind of puts people in there and stops them in their tracks and then he kind of did that he came because of course It's the worst guitar solo ever of course.

02:31:34.000 That's why I'm doing it like it's funny and it's like now and Fred Durst came out to watch him do it to prove he was doing it because we're spreads Durst is smart like Howard Stern He makes him think he's his friend, but he's a way bigger enemy than I could ever be to him Because he's going like dude go make an ass of yourself in front of all these people He's a young star guy that grew up to become a man, and they're all weird.

02:32:00.000 There's no way you could be a star at six years old and come out normal.

02:32:04.000 You don't have a normal life.

02:32:05.000 It's impossible.

02:32:06.000 Is there nobody?

02:32:07.000 I don't think there's one.

02:32:09.000 Everyone that I've met, I mean, there's some really talented people like Miley Cyrus and people that were childhood stars that are cool to talk to, but they struggle.

02:32:16.000 It's a struggle.

02:32:17.000 All of them struggle.

02:32:18.000 Everybody struggles.

02:32:19.000 Like, Punky Brewster's probably fine right now.

02:32:21.000 I don't know.

02:32:22.000 I don't even know what that is.

02:32:23.000 Punky Brewster?

02:32:23.000 You don't remember that show?

02:32:24.000 I don't remember.

02:32:25.000 So, Leo Moon Fry, she had the biggest titties when we were kids. 0.97

02:32:27.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

02:32:28.000 She made a great documentary a few years back.

02:32:30.000 No, that's right.

02:32:30.000 But then she became, like, a mom and got out of the business.

02:32:33.000 Yeah, you can do that.

02:32:35.000 But if you want to still...

02:32:36.000 Oh, you're saying if you're still clamoring for the fame.

02:32:38.000 Yeah. But I don't know how many people came out of the fame as a young person and were fine.

02:32:45.000 But the people that stay...

02:32:47.000 And keep doing it, they're not fine.

02:32:49.000 Most of them.

02:32:50.000 I mean, maybe there's a few.

02:32:51.000 I'm not saying it's impossible to do, but I'm saying the challenge of becoming a normal person with a normal view of the world when you're getting doted on when you're six and you're the moneymaker in the house when you're a little kid, like your parents stop working to manage you, like that kind of shit.

02:33:09.000 Like those Carter kids.

02:33:11.000 I mean, that Aaron Carter kid was...

02:33:14.000 Lost. He's doing gay porn at the end. 0.79

02:33:16.000 Not gay porn, but gay cam stuff. 0.53

02:33:19.000 Oh, really?

02:33:20.000 Yeah. Just whacking off on camera with face tattoos.

02:33:23.000 Didn't he have a boxing match against Lamar Odom?

02:33:26.000 He's supposed to.

02:33:26.000 I don't know if it ever ended up happening.

02:33:27.000 I think they did.

02:33:28.000 I think they did.

02:33:29.000 And it's so crazy, because he's this skinny guy with not a muscle on his body, and Lamar Odom used to play for the WNBA.

02:33:37.000 Isn't that true?

02:33:38.000 Yes. They did have it, yeah.

02:33:39.000 It did happen?

02:33:40.000 Yeah, Lamar just beats the brakes off him.

02:33:42.000 I mean, you have to assume.

02:33:43.000 He's a former professional athlete.

02:33:46.000 The fact that, and Chuck Liddell is the fucking, look at the size difference.

02:33:49.000 This is so crazy.

02:33:51.000 Look at him.

02:33:51.000 He's trying to punch him.

02:33:52.000 Aaron Carter, he's letting him hit him.

02:33:55.000 He just kind of, he touches him once.

02:33:59.000 He's like letting him hit him.

02:34:01.000 Oh, man.

02:34:02.000 It's sad to watch.

02:34:04.000 It's almost like, it looked like, oh, there you hit him with the left hand.

02:34:07.000 What's really sad about it, Oh, it's horrible.

02:34:10.000 It's not just people watching you fight that wigs me out so much.

02:34:14.000 It's that there's something that knowing how to fight and the form of what you're doing looking any kind of good.

02:34:20.000 Especially if you're street fights, I mean, when they devolve into, like, you know, like, men swinging like this, you're like, oh, man, we really all suck at the end of the day at this.

02:34:29.000 Like, it's so hard to keep, like, a...

02:34:31.000 A fighter's composure on a street fight.

02:34:33.000 Oh, especially if shit's going down.

02:34:34.000 Yeah, unless you do it all the time.

02:34:35.000 I remember watching these two guys fight in front of the comedy store.

02:34:39.000 And it was across the street when the House of Blues was over there.

02:34:43.000 So it was right in front in the parking lot.

02:34:45.000 These guys start yelling at each other and blah, blah, blah.

02:34:47.000 And they get out like almost in traffic.

02:34:50.000 They're like on the sidewalk, like right where the street tumbles out.

02:34:53.000 And I see these two guys facing off and I see the white guy.

02:34:58.000 There's like a white guy and this looks like an out of shape.

02:35:04.000 African-American fella and the white guy starts swinging with almost like with his eyes closed and then the bus goes in between them so I can't see them and then as the bus goes back the white guy's out cold flat on his back spread eagle and The black guy's already running away He's out cold. 0.78

02:35:26.000 They were just squabbling in front and I don't remember how it was.

02:35:30.000 I just remember this.

02:35:31.000 I remember this, and then the bus, and then out cold.

02:35:36.000 Do you have to deal with, uh, because I mean, I know from, like, when Lewis was working with Biz Bing and stuff, and he'd go to Vegas, uh, he'd be like, they were all surprised at how many drunk guys at the casino try to, like, give him shit.

02:35:46.000 Oh, there's a bunch of idiots out there. 0.84

02:35:47.000 I was like, do people come to you all the time?

02:35:49.000 It's like...

02:35:50.000 You know karate for real, dude?

02:35:52.000 No. If you hang out with enough drunks long enough, someone will.

02:35:57.000 Just avoid those areas.

02:35:59.000 It's just drunk people.

02:36:00.000 But if you're one of them and you're hanging out and you're drinking with people, yeah, there's people who used to get stupid with Chuck Liddell when Chuck Liddell was the light heavyweight champion.

02:36:07.000 He was the scariest fucking human on the planet.

02:36:09.000 And people would get stupid with him.

02:36:11.000 They're on coke.

02:36:11.000 They don't know what they're doing.

02:36:13.000 They're out of their fucking minds.

02:36:15.000 People are gacked up, fucked up.

02:36:17.000 They're crazy anyway.

02:36:19.000 They're schizophrenic.

02:36:21.000 There's so many nuts out there in this world.

02:36:23.000 The most thing about fighting, too, is endurance.

02:36:25.000 That's what most people don't have in any kind of fight.

02:36:28.000 If it's not over in 30 seconds, everyone's holding each other.

02:36:31.000 One of my favorite things I watch, I watch a lot of body cam crime shit on YouTube.

02:36:37.000 And there's one.

02:36:38.000 It's a Key West.

02:36:39.000 It's a couple.

02:36:41.000 The guy's hammered.

02:36:43.000 He's got money, for sure, this guy.

02:36:46.000 He's just trying to pay his bill with a library card or something, where he doesn't know what's going on.

02:36:51.000 And he's barking at the staff, and then someone on the staff pushes his face, and then breaks into this melee, but it's 50-something-year-old white people getting into a fight, and one guy gets him in a side headlock, useless, and then they both sort of fall down, the husband and this guy who intervenes.

02:37:10.000 And the guy who intervenes eventually puts his, like, legs, you know, puts in his hooks, basically.

02:37:16.000 But does nothing.

02:37:19.000 Doesn't choke the guy out.

02:37:20.000 They're just kind of sitting there, two old, exhausted guys.

02:37:23.000 Ten minutes later, at least, they get up and they kind of have, like, the you're a pussy, you're a pussy kind of thing. 0.99

02:37:29.000 And they leave.

02:37:30.000 Then it cuts back to the cops outside and they want to talk to the guy who intervened.

02:37:34.000 Not mad at him, they just want to get his side of the story, what happened.

02:37:37.000 And this guy...

02:37:38.000 It's just an old man, and the cops are questioning him, and they start to lose their patience because he just wants to keep telling his hero story.

02:37:45.000 He just watched what happened.

02:37:46.000 It's just two old men holding each other on the ground.

02:37:48.000 He goes, guy came out of nowhere and punched me, and I grew up doing this shit, man.

02:37:53.000 So, you know, I told the guy, I go, you got two ways this can go tonight, man.

02:37:58.000 Oh, no!

02:37:58.000 He goes, you could knock it off or I could beat the fuck out of you.

02:38:03.000 He's telling this to the cops?

02:38:06.000 Yeah, you might be able to find it.

02:38:07.000 We're very classy.

02:38:09.000 Body cam, we're very classy people.

02:38:13.000 Maybe, hopefully you could find it.

02:38:15.000 But when he's telling the cop, then he goes...

02:38:17.000 He's like, I told him I could beat the fuck out of you.

02:38:19.000 He goes, alright, so then you were able to subdue him?

02:38:22.000 He's like, yeah.

02:38:23.000 He goes...

02:38:24.000 I took him down, and I'm like, he goes, I don't want a problem with you.

02:38:27.000 And I go, you want no parts of what I'm about to bring to you, my man.

02:38:32.000 And none of this happened.

02:38:33.000 You just watched the video where you just grabbed him, they flopped on the ground, and laid there exhausted for ten minutes while the lady screams. 1.00

02:38:41.000 It's nothing.

02:38:42.000 And it's just like, just a guy talking with that belief.

02:38:45.000 Yep. So this is the video.

02:38:47.000 Let me see some action.

02:38:48.000 So that's just them getting on the ground.

02:38:51.000 Give me some volume.

02:38:53.000 Will we get in trouble?

02:38:54.000 Will we lose the YouTube rights?

02:38:57.000 What happens?

02:38:58.000 Okay, don't give me any volume then.

02:39:02.000 So that's them.

02:39:04.000 Yeah, they just stay there and eventually get up and have the hands on each other.

02:39:09.000 Yeah, they're up.

02:39:13.000 No, wait.

02:39:13.000 No, no, no.

02:39:14.000 It's right after the video.

02:39:15.000 But we're not going to be able to play it.

02:39:17.000 Oh, you can't play the audio?

02:39:18.000 No, they'll fucking get us on YouTube.

02:39:21.000 If you're commenting on it, it's commentary.

02:39:24.000 Are you allowed to?

02:39:26.000 It's this guy.

02:39:42.000 I was probably the first guy.

02:39:44.000 These guys fucked with the waitresses. 0.98

02:39:46.000 Dude, what are you doing?

02:39:47.000 The guy fucking punched me.

02:39:48.000 I said, dude, you don't want to get into this with me.

02:39:51.000 I grew up doing this shit.

02:39:54.000 I said, don't do it.

02:39:55.000 I drug him to the ground.

02:39:56.000 I said, you got two options.

02:39:58.000 Either stop or I'm going to beat the living fuck out of you. 1.00

02:40:01.000 Okay. So I said, that's how it's going to go.

02:40:03.000 And he said, I want a problem with you.

02:40:04.000 I said, you want nothing to do with what I'm going to bring to you.

02:40:10.000 And then, oh yeah, no, it's right there.

02:40:13.000 And then he goes, there's only one more thing where the cop cuts him off.

02:40:17.000 Yeah, right there.

02:40:21.000 The cop cuts him off.

02:40:22.000 He doesn't want to hear what he says anymore.

02:40:23.000 He goes, so you were able to get him on the ground.

02:40:24.000 He goes, got him on the ground.

02:40:26.000 And I said to him, he goes, you had him on the ground.

02:40:28.000 Stop telling us you're...

02:40:29.000 I mean, the way this guy speaks, it's like...

02:40:31.000 The Bushido Code states that if the weapon is drawn, it must taste blood before put away.

02:40:37.000 This is hilarious.

02:40:37.000 White people fighting.

02:40:38.000 That's what this is.

02:40:39.000 It's hilarious.

02:40:40.000 And it goes nowhere.

02:40:42.000 No one's going on the ground.

02:40:43.000 What's going on?

02:40:43.000 This is a lie.

02:40:45.000 Oh, now they're on the ground.

02:40:47.000 But he's like, I drug him on the ground.

02:40:48.000 Really? The husband drags him on the ground, technically.

02:40:51.000 Yeah, it's a disaster.

02:40:53.000 But tell us, my friend Justin Silver used to have my favorite joke about that kind of personality, though.

02:40:58.000 He's like, he's like, I'm a liar.

02:40:59.000 I lie about everything.

02:41:00.000 And he was like, I'm the guy who gets into a situation with somebody in the street, and then I don't do anything, and then I go home, shadowbox, and call my friends and tell them all the things that I wish I did, like it actually happened.

02:41:13.000 And his line was, if I did all the things I told my friends I did, my name would be Indiana Bon Jovi Balboa.

02:41:20.000 When you're a kid, and you have a situation like that happen, the rest of the day, you play it in your head like, what I should have said.

02:41:29.000 Oh, man, yeah.

02:41:30.000 Oh, I wish I had another chance.

02:41:31.000 I would have said, well, fuck you, because this and that.

02:41:34.000 Oh, it's the worst, and when it goes away, yeah.

02:41:36.000 Those internal dialogue things, like, for the rest of the day, what should I have said?

02:41:39.000 And you, like, plot it out and plan and scheme.

02:41:42.000 I'll find him again one day.

02:41:44.000 One day, I'm gonna tell him.

02:41:45.000 I'll find that asshole.

02:41:46.000 I've done dumb things, though, where it's like, I don't even know.

02:41:50.000 No real trained preparation for any of these situations.

02:41:54.000 I always had a car.

02:41:57.000 And when you're younger and have a car, it's destroying you financially, usually.

02:42:01.000 Like how much it costs to have a car.

02:42:03.000 So it means a lot to you.

02:42:05.000 No matter how shitty it is.

02:42:06.000 When people would fucking hit my car, New York's a big thing with that.

02:42:09.000 You stop short.

02:42:10.000 And a pedestrian just like, you know, slaps the front of your car or something.

02:42:13.000 Dude, to this day.

02:42:14.000 I would get irate by that.

02:42:15.000 To this day, I think about one guy.

02:42:17.000 I had a little Honda CRX.

02:42:19.000 And I was driving in New York.

02:42:21.000 And I was making my way into this intersection.

02:42:22.000 And I got stuck in between lights.

02:42:24.000 And then people started walking.

02:42:26.000 And I tried to find, like, some space where I could not be in the intersection.

02:42:30.000 And there was a nice gap.

02:42:32.000 And so this guy wasn't close to the car.

02:42:34.000 So I started moving forward.

02:42:36.000 And he whacks my fucking car with a briefcase.

02:42:40.000 And I was like, I'm gonna pull over.

02:42:42.000 I'm gonna put this guy in the hospital.

02:42:44.000 This crazy, wild thought, like, I'm gonna pull over and I'm just gonna go smash this dude.

02:42:49.000 And I said, no, just drive, just drive, just drive.

02:42:52.000 And like, for years, I would think about that guy.

02:42:56.000 For years, this arrogant cocksucker hitting my car with a fucking briefcase. 1.00

02:43:02.000 It's what unites me and Lewis.

02:43:05.000 We both have a crazy need for justice.

02:43:08.000 It's why I like those stupid revenge movies.

02:43:12.000 It's justice.

02:43:13.000 So it's that.

02:43:13.000 It's the thing.

02:43:13.000 It's like the guy who did that thing, I have like a, I bet he won't do that anymore.

02:43:18.000 I bet he won't do that anymore after I've sorted this situation out.

02:43:21.000 But I mean, it's so dumb.

02:43:23.000 It's so dumb.

02:43:24.000 It's a dude thing too.

02:43:25.000 Getting out of the car.

02:43:27.000 I mean, one time so early when I was coming to New York, what became my ex-wife.

02:43:33.000 We were just dating at the time in a car, driving a Saturn.

02:43:37.000 Guy trying to impress two girls he's with that he goes by, just like slaps the front of the car.

02:43:42.000 And then they walk into Washington Square Park.

02:43:47.000 And I, like, I'm just stewing in it.

02:43:50.000 Like I bark some shit out the window.

02:43:51.000 No, no, no.

02:43:52.000 For seconds.

02:43:54.000 I'm stewing in it.

02:43:55.000 And then I pull over with my new girlfriend.

02:43:57.000 I go, wait here.

02:43:59.000 And she goes, what?

02:44:00.000 And then I begin to...

02:44:02.000 Run after this guy into the park.

02:44:04.000 What I'm not thinking about is as I'm running, when I finally find this guy on the other side of Washington Square Park, I turn around.

02:44:11.000 Dude, he could have pushed me over with a feather.

02:44:12.000 I was like, what's up, motherfucker?

02:44:15.000 You want to fucking slap your scars?

02:44:17.000 And luckily, I just scared him with my size, I guess, ultimately or something, because he didn't do anything.

02:44:23.000 But I was like, as soon as I got there and spun this guy around, I'm like, I'm done.

02:44:26.000 I'm so exhausted from running.

02:44:27.000 I never run.

02:44:29.000 I sprinted to find him without thinking that I'm giving all my energy to that run.

02:44:32.000 And I'm like...

02:44:33.000 You need like a half hour to recover.

02:44:35.000 He just fucking hit my car, man.

02:44:36.000 And he was luckily apologetic and like, whoa, dude, I don't want any trouble.

02:44:40.000 You're like, it's fucking ain't right.

02:44:42.000 It's fucking ain't right, you don't want any trouble.

02:44:46.000 I took ten extra minutes walking back to the car, leaving my girlfriend in the car, because I didn't want her to see how heavy I was breathing.

02:44:54.000 I had to get it all back together and just come back to the car and be like...

02:44:58.000 Scared that pussy. 1.00

02:45:01.000 Such a dumb thing to do.

02:45:03.000 Because you could do it to the wrong guy.

02:45:05.000 Of course, my instincts are terrible on it, because I do.

02:45:07.000 I don't get out thinking like...

02:45:08.000 And then as soon as someone pulled out a gun, I'd be like, none of this was worth it.

02:45:12.000 Guy just slapped my car.

02:45:13.000 Every now and then you'll see someone do something stupid, and the person they're doing it to actually knows how to fight.

02:45:18.000 Those are very satisfying.

02:45:19.000 So satisfying.

02:45:20.000 Yeah. There's one with cops. 0.69

02:45:23.000 Check the Terrence McKinney.

02:45:25.000 The UFC fighter?

02:45:26.000 Sure. Put it up on his Instagram page today.

02:45:29.000 So this cop tries a shitty double leg on this guy, and the guy knew how to fight, and the guy sprawls, and the cop tries to hit him, and the guy cracks him, and the guy tries to tell him, hey, stop.

02:45:39.000 And then the cop, watch this.

02:45:40.000 Like, look at the cop.

02:45:41.000 Shoots a shitty double. 0.75

02:45:42.000 Nice sprawl.

02:45:43.000 Look at this.

02:45:44.000 Pushes him off.

02:45:45.000 He's got him in a headlock.

02:45:46.000 Let's him go.

02:45:47.000 Cop punches.

02:45:48.000 Bam! Drops him with one shot. 0.99

02:45:50.000 Hits him a couple more times.

02:45:52.000 Hits him again.

02:45:53.000 Rocks him.

02:45:54.000 The cop is getting rocked.

02:45:56.000 Jesus Christ.

02:45:58.000 And the guy wasn't doing anything.

02:45:59.000 He was just arguing with the cops.

02:46:02.000 I don't know if that was a cop.

02:46:03.000 Is that a cop?

02:46:04.000 It's some kind of like security.

02:46:05.000 Some security, something.

02:46:06.000 He's got a badge.

02:46:07.000 And he's wearing white gloves, too.

02:46:09.000 White gloves.

02:46:09.000 The gloves are...

02:46:10.000 He gets his dukes up.

02:46:14.000 Like both of them, he had some training, but he massively overestimated his ability.

02:46:18.000 Like, look at this shitty double leg.

02:46:19.000 Show me that shitty double leg again. 1.00

02:46:21.000 Watch this shitty double leg.

02:46:22.000 Look at that.

02:46:23.000 Terrible. No drive at all.

02:46:25.000 Scared of the concrete, so he's trying to double leg without his knees going to the ground.

02:46:29.000 He doesn't want to really drive forward.

02:46:31.000 There's a great video of a very in-shape cop, and he's going at it with a teenager who's really talking shit.

02:46:38.000 And he's like a wiggery kid doing like a, yo, man, take off that badge. 1.00

02:46:42.000 You know what's up?

02:46:43.000 Take off that badge.

02:46:44.000 Take off the vest, boy.

02:46:44.000 You know what's up?

02:46:45.000 And he just keeps going to him.

02:46:46.000 And the cops eventually like, hey, you keep balling up your fists, man.

02:46:50.000 Like, what are you doing?

02:46:50.000 Just relax.

02:46:51.000 Like, I'm just, what are you doing here?

02:46:52.000 I'm just seeing who everybody is, you know?

02:46:54.000 He's like, yeah, you know what's up, pussy. 1.00

02:46:56.000 Take that vest.

02:46:57.000 And when he gets in his face one time, he just grabs him by the shoulders, puts his foot behind him.

02:47:01.000 I mean, places him on the concrete.

02:47:03.000 And how fast the kid's like.

02:47:04.000 Oh, okay.

02:47:06.000 Whoa, we got a little nuts back there, huh?

02:47:07.000 I saw that one.

02:47:09.000 Yeah, those are fun.

02:47:10.000 And fat women getting tasered. 1.00

02:47:11.000 That's my other favorite thing.

02:47:12.000 I bet that young man was under 25. Oh, no doubt.

02:47:15.000 His brain was mush.

02:47:16.000 No doubt.

02:47:17.000 But it is funny when they have to come back and they go, I was being crazy back there.

02:47:21.000 That's why they send those young boys out to war. 0.81

02:47:23.000 Because they're all fucking piss and vinegar?

02:47:25.000 All piss and vinegar with a non-fully deformed brain. 0.99

02:47:28.000 Yeah. Not fully formed brain.

02:47:30.000 They just fucking take that gun and here's some meth! 0.92

02:47:33.000 Let's fucking go!

02:47:34.000 There was a guy in the audience last night.

02:47:35.000 We did story wars at Mothership, and there was a guy in the front who wears a brace around his body.

02:47:39.000 We asked him why.

02:47:41.000 He was stabbed in Afghanistan, hand-to-hand combat.

02:47:44.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:47:45.000 It was a gunfight, and it ended up being hand-to-hand combat.

02:47:48.000 He said he knocked the guy down, didn't confirm that he was out.

02:47:52.000 And then when he took his attention away, the guy reached up and stabbed him.

02:47:56.000 Right in the fucking chest, basically.

02:47:57.000 Pretty wild.

02:47:59.000 And we were like, and we're looking at this guy, we go, in Afghanistan, he was 18. He was 18. Wow.

02:48:07.000 I think he said the 16-year-old, the kid who stabbed him, was 16. Jesus Christ.

02:48:14.000 Such a wild thing.

02:48:15.000 It's intense.

02:48:16.000 It's a little too intense.

02:48:17.000 Don't get in fights, kids.

02:48:18.000 That's our message, right?

02:48:19.000 If you can avoid it.

02:48:20.000 Absolutely. I've avoided all of them.

02:48:22.000 I tried to...

02:48:23.000 I got into a thing, a road rage thing, where I knocked a guy out.

02:48:27.000 He wasn't very big, and I basically got out of the car, and he was right away, didn't want to do anything, and I mushed his face.

02:48:35.000 He was drunk, and I kept mushing his face until he would throw a drunken punch, and then I hit him, and I caught him.

02:48:40.000 Only time I'm in a fight in my life where I caught him, first shot, and he literally, like, folded on the ground, and then I got in my car, drove away with my current girlfriend, Christine, and when we...

02:48:51.000 We got, like, a few blocks away, my, you know, my adrenaline started going down, and I was like, and so, jokingly, almost, I just look at her, and I kissed my bicep, like, one shot, and she goes, uh, she goes, she was, like, really pissed.

02:49:05.000 Like, she didn't think it was funny or anything, and I was like, but it wasn't even, like, kind of hot that I just knocked that guy out with one shot, and she was like, no, like, what if you killed him?

02:49:14.000 Like, his head bounced off the ground.

02:49:16.000 Like, what, it's all for what?

02:49:16.000 And I was like...

02:49:17.000 That is a great point, I guess.

02:49:19.000 It's a real good point.

02:49:19.000 I'm like, what a great fucking point.

02:49:21.000 Because I'm walking away from that like, hey, I didn't even get touched, and I got Sweet Beautiful Justice, you know, the way I'm always searching for.

02:49:27.000 And she was like, no, what if he killed him?

02:49:29.000 And I'm like, yeah, there is a point there for sure.

02:49:31.000 I often think about that with that guy in front of the comedy store.

02:49:34.000 What if you'd kill somebody?

02:49:35.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.

02:49:36.000 Yeah, you never punch somebody in the face on the concrete if you can.

02:49:39.000 Like a good trained fighter probably punching the body.

02:49:42.000 Yeah. Just because they don't want to go to jail forever.

02:49:44.000 One of Kevin James' friends went to jail for like seven years.

02:49:48.000 He was a bouncer at a nightclub in Long Island.

02:49:51.000 Knocked a guy out, the guy falls, hits his head, dies.

02:49:54.000 Happens. Yeah, but didn't Harry Houdini get killed from a gut shot?

02:49:57.000 Something like that.

02:49:57.000 Yeah, like a punch to the stomach, he died days later.

02:50:00.000 Yeah. Because like an organ busted.

02:50:03.000 You never think about that.

02:50:04.000 You want to give everything you got to a face punch, and then you're like, boy, I sure hope I don't blind him forever.

02:50:09.000 These are all things that could happen.

02:50:10.000 All things that could happen.

02:50:11.000 Alright, Jay, I love you to death.

02:50:13.000 Let's wrap this bitch up. 1.00

02:50:14.000 Can I plug up?

02:50:15.000 Yeah, please do.

02:50:16.000 My first half of Double Crowdwork special.

02:50:18.000 Let's go!

02:50:19.000 Them is currently out.

02:50:20.000 Second half, they.

02:50:21.000 It's coming up 420.

02:50:23.000 All done at the Denver Comedy Works.

02:50:27.000 We're almost at a million.

02:50:28.000 One of the best fucking clubs on earth.

02:50:30.000 That club rules.

02:50:31.000 That club is so great.

02:50:32.000 It's so good.

02:50:33.000 Well, you guys do the same thing.

02:50:34.000 Everyone's Facing Forward and Yonderbegs.

02:50:36.000 Oh, yeah.

02:50:36.000 I thought about that when I was designing my club.

02:50:38.000 I was almost going to do the seats like she has them when they're all locked down.

02:50:41.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:50:41.000 Wendy's the best.

02:50:42.000 Shout out to Wendy. 0.97

02:50:43.000 We love her.

02:50:44.000 All right.

02:50:44.000 Thank you, brother.

02:50:45.000 Thank you.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 28, 2025

Joe Rogan Experience #2296 - Big Jay Oakerson

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript