The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2300 - Kyle Dunnigan

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast.

00:00:02.000 Check it out.

00:00:03.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:05.000 Train by day.

00:00:06.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.

00:00:08.000 All day!

00:00:09.000 Do-do-do-do Do-do-do-do You know who wrote that?

00:00:19.000 No. Pop Quiz.

00:00:20.000 Who? Very famous person wrote it.

00:00:23.000 What is that from?

00:00:24.000 What show is that from?

00:00:25.000 Seven D's. 0.91

00:00:27.000 Yeah. It begins with an S. Stanford and Son.

00:00:31.000 Yes. Who wrote it?

00:00:33.000 You're not going to believe it.

00:00:34.000 Quincy Jones.

00:00:35.000 Really? Yes.

00:00:37.000 And if you hear the whole song, it's a really good song.

00:00:40.000 I used to love that show.

00:00:42.000 Stanford and Son was fucking great.

00:00:43.000 It was funny.

00:00:44.000 It was funny, ridiculous.

00:00:45.000 Red Fox was the man.

00:00:47.000 He was so funny on that.

00:00:49.000 I actually didn't like that theme song.

00:00:51.000 Here we go.

00:00:52.000 When I first heard it.

00:00:58.000 That was back when sitcoms were sitcoms.

00:01:00.000 That one was like way, I felt like way better.

00:01:03.000 Like Three's Company sucks if you watch that now.

00:01:06.000 That was like the number one sitcom.

00:01:08.000 Snappers are still good.

00:01:10.000 Yeah. You know what's underrated that I really never gave a chance?

00:01:14.000 Wait, I want to guess.

00:01:14.000 Big Bang Theory.

00:01:15.000 Ah, fuck.

00:01:15.000 Fuck, I fucked it up.

00:01:16.000 Sorry. I would have said Big Bang Theory.

00:01:18.000 It's a good show.

00:01:20.000 I used to shit on it, because I saw clips with, you know how you do retakes?

00:01:24.000 Where they're not laughing?

00:01:25.000 No laughs?

00:01:26.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:01:26.000 But that's, you know what that is?

00:01:27.000 That's like retakes.

00:01:29.000 When you work on a sitcom, sometimes you have to do pickups.

00:01:32.000 Yeah, I actually don't know, but yes.

00:01:34.000 Oh, you do pickups, and nobody knows anymore.

00:01:37.000 Nobody does it anymore.

00:01:39.000 Yeah. Miss Pat is like the only person I know with a sitcom. 1.00

00:01:42.000 Yeah, I couldn't name one sitcom.

00:01:44.000 Think about all the comics we know.

00:01:46.000 I know one comic with a sitcom, Miss Pat, and it's on a streaming.

00:01:50.000 It's on BET.

00:01:52.000 Yeah, and that was everything.

00:01:53.000 When I was first starting, your whole thing was like, you have to get a sitcom or you don't have any money.

00:02:00.000 Yeah, well, or you're never going to have a career.

00:02:02.000 Because there was no way to get people to come see you in the clubs.

00:02:06.000 Unless you had a special, or unless you had a sitcom.

00:02:09.000 Yeah. And I remember Zach Galifianakis.

00:02:12.000 It was pilot season.

00:02:13.000 Remember that whole thing?

00:02:14.000 Oh, yeah.

00:02:14.000 That was huge.

00:02:15.000 Like, pilot season's coming up.

00:02:17.000 Oh, yeah.

00:02:18.000 Everybody would be in town for pilot season.

00:02:19.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:02:20.000 Everybody would be like a special kind of anxious.

00:02:22.000 Yeah. Because your whole fucking career was laying on this moment where you walked into this room.

00:02:31.000 And there was these weirdos, these casting people.

00:02:34.000 There were always really socially bizarre people.

00:02:37.000 And, like, tired and mad.

00:02:39.000 They've seen some people.

00:02:39.000 And it's always a tiny room.

00:02:41.000 And dismissive.

00:02:41.000 And they're the kings, and you are a peasant begging for a bowl of soup.

00:02:46.000 Yeah, and when you walk in, they know they don't want you.

00:02:48.000 They also know you're broke.

00:02:50.000 Yeah, and you have that desperate energy.

00:02:53.000 You want them to like you.

00:02:55.000 Hi. Hi, guys.

00:02:57.000 Want you to like me.

00:02:58.000 Off-putting is what it is.

00:03:00.000 Death. I didn't get any.

00:03:02.000 I never got a sitcom.

00:03:03.000 I auditioned probably for a thousand.

00:03:05.000 I don't know why someone didn't say, you're not good at this.

00:03:07.000 No one told me.

00:03:08.000 You could have been a Big Bang Theory, ironically.

00:03:10.000 I could have been.

00:03:11.000 You would have been a fucking major get for them.

00:03:13.000 I would have been a huge get for them.

00:03:15.000 The show would have been a lot better.

00:03:17.000 Actually, I did get one of them.

00:03:18.000 Let me tell you this story.

00:03:20.000 Okay. I go in, and you know, you get like a callback, okay?

00:03:25.000 First casting director, and then you're like, please like me.

00:03:28.000 Then you're like, callback.

00:03:29.000 And like, oh, they like me.

00:03:31.000 Second callback.

00:03:32.000 Now I get like real nervous.

00:03:33.000 It was a show, Happy Family.

00:03:35.000 Have you heard of that?

00:03:36.000 No. Little Nugget?

00:03:39.000 What year are we talking about?

00:03:41.000 2003. One time ago.

00:03:43.000 That guy, Lara Kett was on it.

00:03:45.000 Oh, yeah.

00:03:46.000 I remember him saying, he's dropping on the set, and he goes, my friend Don told me, On my gravestone, it should say, it's not a great plot, but Larroquette's in it.

00:03:59.000 He told that funny joke.

00:04:01.000 The John Larroquette show was on the same lot as I was when I was filming news radio.

00:04:09.000 Lenny Clark, who's a good friend of mine forever, Lenny was on that show.

00:04:14.000 I'd run into Lenny in the parking lot, we'd talk, but we would watch their feed where John Larroquette would yell at people.

00:04:21.000 Yeah, that's you.

00:04:22.000 The feed is always, they forget there's a feed.

00:04:24.000 Yeah, people are screaming about it.

00:04:26.000 But no one had a cell phone back then.

00:04:27.000 You know, we're talking the 90s.

00:04:29.000 So this is probably 94, something like that?

00:04:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:04:33.000 And it was a bizarre scene, man.

00:04:35.000 I never adjusted to being on television.

00:04:38.000 I never did.

00:04:39.000 That's a good gig, though.

00:04:40.000 I mean, shit, that was like...

00:04:42.000 Yeah, but I couldn't wait to not do it anymore once I did it.

00:04:45.000 Really? Yeah, and I had the best version of it.

00:04:48.000 I had the best version of it.

00:04:49.000 Hilarious cast, brilliant writers.

00:04:51.000 What was that?

00:04:52.000 The stress of it, it was just like, I just wanted to do stand-up.

00:04:56.000 You get to, because you're getting a little famous, and then you have eight lines, and you said you could do whatever you want, and then you're like...

00:05:02.000 Like, blah, blah, blah.

00:05:03.000 Listen, as far as...

00:05:05.000 That was also the problem is I knew I was never going to get another sitcom like NewsRadio.

00:05:09.000 The other sitcoms that I read for were fucking garbage.

00:05:13.000 After that, did they want you to do some...

00:05:16.000 Yeah, there was a few opportunities.

00:05:19.000 I had a couple of development deals to do stuff.

00:05:21.000 But then when Fear Factor came on, my first thought was like, yes, no actors.

00:05:26.000 Oh, really?

00:05:27.000 Yeah, I didn't have to deal with like the whole thing.

00:05:29.000 Like the whole thing of the schmoozing and the, you know, going to these award things and these parties and these press junkets that you had to do.

00:05:39.000 It's like, I didn't like it.

00:05:40.000 Yeah. It just felt, I don't know.

00:05:44.000 It was just weird.

00:05:45.000 You know, I never auditioned for anything.

00:05:47.000 Like, I auditioned for a couple commercials in New York.

00:05:52.000 I auditioned for two shows ever.

00:05:54.000 Bring it back to my Larraket story.

00:05:56.000 Go to your Larraket story.

00:05:57.000 No, no, I want to hear this.

00:05:58.000 I want to say it out loud because I set up a story and then I didn't finish it.

00:06:01.000 So I got this show when I was living in New York.

00:06:04.000 It was called Hardball.

00:06:05.000 And I came out here to L.A. Oh, wait a minute.

00:06:08.000 Yeah, it was a baseball show.

00:06:09.000 I remember.

00:06:11.000 Jim Brewer was in the pilot with me.

00:06:13.000 Mike Starr from Goodfellas was in it.

00:06:16.000 I don't know that guy.

00:06:17.000 Bruce Greenwood, who was in Star Trek.

00:06:20.000 He's been in everything.

00:06:21.000 He's a great actor.

00:06:22.000 He was in it.

00:06:22.000 He was like the older pitcher that was like my nemesis.

00:06:25.000 Terrible show.

00:06:27.000 Terrible show.

00:06:27.000 Like so bad.

00:06:29.000 I think I saw that guy.

00:06:30.000 So bad.

00:06:30.000 The intro of it or something.

00:06:32.000 I remember Hardball.

00:06:33.000 Yeah, it lasted six episodes.

00:06:35.000 And then the other show that I got was News Radio.

00:06:38.000 And it was the only other show I auditioned for.

00:06:42.000 Everything else I auditioned for was movies and stuff that I never got.

00:06:45.000 And there was a couple of shows after NewsRadio was over that I auditioned for that I didn't get.

00:06:49.000 But it was so bizarre.

00:06:52.000 So when I would go to these auditions for other things, it wasn't that big a deal because I was already on NewsRadio.

00:06:58.000 So if I didn't get these things, it was like, this will be okay.

00:07:03.000 Still the anxiety of that.

00:07:05.000 I had money and it was still like, oh, this is awful.

00:07:08.000 This whole thing is so stressful and so weird.

00:07:10.000 And everybody's so fucked up because you get a bunch of people that desperately want attention. 0.59

00:07:14.000 And then you go there to this place where you're surrounded by people who are desperately want attention in Hollywood.

00:07:21.000 And then you have this one moment in front of these people and they're looking at you like this.

00:07:26.000 Okay, Kyle.

00:07:28.000 Hi. So you're reading for Bobby, correct?

00:07:31.000 I love the script.

00:07:31.000 So funny.

00:07:32.000 Bobby's an athlete.

00:07:33.000 Yeah. No, I can do all the things.

00:07:36.000 Whatever you say, I can do it.

00:07:37.000 I'm good at it.

00:07:38.000 Right. Okay.

00:07:39.000 Tim here is going to read with you, and Tim can barely read.

00:07:43.000 It's always like some PA who's probably on ketamine, can barely read.

00:07:48.000 And you have to pretend like you're having this emotive moment with Tim.

00:07:52.000 I'm so glad I don't have to do that.

00:07:54.000 Ugh. It was the worst.

00:07:55.000 But some people love it.

00:07:56.000 Some people, look, man, we're comics.

00:07:58.000 Some people are actors.

00:07:59.000 They fucking love it.

00:08:01.000 Like, McConaughey, that fucking dude loves, like...

00:08:04.000 Pouring himself into a role, getting psychotic about who the character is.

00:08:09.000 I wish I, if I could go back, I wish I looked at those as like, someone said this, as like an opportunity to perform instead of like, I'm trying to get something.

00:08:17.000 Right. I didn't, I was just desperate, like I had no money and I was like, I have to get this.

00:08:21.000 I will say though, if you're on a sitcom that has really good writing, it's fun as shit.

00:08:25.000 News radio was fun.

00:08:26.000 You said you just got it.

00:08:27.000 How'd you just?

00:08:28.000 I had a development deal with NBC, and I was going to do my own show, but they had a sitcom that they were already greenlit, and Ray Romano was on it, and Ray was the maintenance guy.

00:08:42.000 And Ray got fired during the pilot, which is the best thing that ever happened to him.

00:08:46.000 He goes on to do the Everybody Loves Raymond, and it's fucking huge.

00:08:49.000 Bigger than news radio ever was.

00:08:50.000 So he gets fired, and another guy got hired, and then he got fired.

00:08:56.000 So I didn't feel bad.

00:08:57.000 Because I'm friends with Ray.

00:08:58.000 I love Ray.

00:08:59.000 I bet you that part just was not good.

00:09:01.000 It wasn't the actor's fault.

00:09:03.000 Because you audition and then...

00:09:04.000 I don't know what it was.

00:09:06.000 It's like, you never know what they want.

00:09:08.000 Like, when Paul, the guy who created it, Paul Sims, is this brilliant guy who worked on fucking Larry HBO.

00:09:20.000 Larry Sanders, thank you.

00:09:22.000 He worked on Larry Sanders.

00:09:23.000 He was a brilliant, brilliant guy.

00:09:24.000 And he did a very clever thing, like in the auditions.

00:09:28.000 The first audition I read for, it wasn't funny.

00:09:31.000 Like, on purpose.

00:09:32.000 They wanted to cut out all the people who were hamming it up.

00:09:35.000 I was like, oh my god, this writing is nothing.

00:09:38.000 So I'm like, I don't know what this is.

00:09:39.000 So NBC asked me to go in and read for it.

00:09:42.000 I memorized the stuff, and I was like, I don't even know what I'm saying.

00:09:45.000 This doesn't make any sense.

00:09:45.000 So I go in and I do it.

00:09:47.000 It's like real flat.

00:09:48.000 And I say, thank you.

00:09:49.000 And all of a sudden, I have a callback.

00:09:50.000 And then they send me the callback sheets, and it's hilarious.

00:09:53.000 And I was like, oh, whoa.

00:09:56.000 In order to see if you could turn something.

00:09:57.000 Because that was a thing that everybody hated, was the hammy, hammy sitcom actor.

00:10:02.000 Come on, Bobby!

00:10:03.000 What are you doing?

00:10:05.000 You're good at that.

00:10:06.000 That's really good.

00:10:07.000 I've seen a lot of those guys.

00:10:08.000 So they wanted to avoid that.

00:10:11.000 Then, you know, they had a call back and it was just like me and two other guys.

00:10:15.000 And these two other guys look like they just got back from Vietnam.

00:10:17.000 They were sweating.

00:10:19.000 They were fucking pale in the face.

00:10:21.000 That makes you confident, right?

00:10:22.000 When you see someone nervous, you're like, oh, okay.

00:10:24.000 Super confident.

00:10:24.000 I looked at these guys like, oh, they can't handle pressure.

00:10:27.000 And I sat back in the couch and put my feet up on the coffee table like a dickhead.

00:10:31.000 You did?

00:10:32.000 Yeah. While I was waiting.

00:10:34.000 We were in the waiting room.

00:10:35.000 I was looking at these guys panicking and I was like, oh, it's just us?

00:10:40.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:40.000 Yeah. I got this.

00:10:42.000 I had just a sketch show, one of the rare things I got, and the guy, I was so out of my mind nervous, and I could hear in the door this guy not doing good, panicking, and I just got calm, and I was like, I got this.

00:10:53.000 Wasn't that nice?

00:10:54.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:54.000 Oh, so good.

00:10:55.000 Then the show got canceled.

00:10:56.000 Well, they all get canceled.

00:10:57.000 Yeah, 90% of them don't.

00:11:00.000 Maybe even more, right?

00:11:01.000 Most of them never make it to a second season, and definitely most of them never make it to syndication.

00:11:07.000 They go a few episodes, and then they get canned.

00:11:10.000 I was on...

00:11:11.000 Oh, go ahead.

00:11:12.000 No, I'm just saying, if the production company's not making money, the network's not making money, it's not getting ratings.

00:11:16.000 I was in a situation.

00:11:17.000 It was...

00:11:17.000 Cedric the Entertainer Presents was a sketch show, and it was like...

00:11:20.000 I remember that.

00:11:21.000 Yeah, I joined mid-season.

00:11:23.000 What year is this?

00:11:24.000 2003. Big year for me.

00:11:28.000 So I get there mid-season.

00:11:31.000 They're like, we need a white guy to pick on. 0.57

00:11:33.000 I was a token white guy.

00:11:34.000 And Louis C.K. was a writer.

00:11:37.000 It was a great frickin' show.

00:11:39.000 And he got into a fight with the Fox.

00:11:43.000 Here's where I knew things were downhill.

00:11:45.000 Now, I didn't sell my car.

00:11:47.000 I had a really...

00:11:48.000 And I'd pull up to the good spots and it was like Lamborghini.

00:11:55.000 And it wasn't just a shitty car from the early 80s.

00:11:58.000 I had another four accidents.

00:12:00.000 It was just a chunk.

00:12:02.000 And I just was like, so broke in a tiny apartment and I'm like, let me just see if I can...

00:12:07.000 But it seemed like this was a hit show.

00:12:09.000 It was doing well.

00:12:10.000 Okay? So then it's like, first thing, first sign, it was like, hey, there's a Fox party tomorrow.

00:12:15.000 And I was like, oh, cool.

00:12:16.000 I made it in Hollywood.

00:12:17.000 So I go to this thing, And I'm like, where's Cedric?

00:12:20.000 And they're like, oh, he got into a big fight with the head of Fox.

00:12:23.000 He told me he was a douchebag.

00:12:24.000 Some fight, and I'm like, that doesn't sound like a good idea.

00:12:30.000 So I'm like, it'll be fine.

00:12:33.000 So then, we were about to go on right after American Idol, which was like the biggest show in the world.

00:12:41.000 So we're like, get ready for the rocket ship.

00:12:44.000 And then this guy put Wanda's psych show, took Cedric off the air for like six weeks to put Wanda's psych show, not off the air, but like, yeah, to move the spot.

00:12:54.000 So Wanda's show was after, and then Wanda's got amazing views, so it gave them an excuse to cancel Cedric, even though Cedric was a hit, it was like a FU.

00:13:04.000 Cedric seems like a nice guy.

00:13:05.000 Yeah, he was very cool, nice to me.

00:13:07.000 So what happened?

00:13:09.000 He did get on the phone during my audition, though, at one point.

00:13:11.000 I was in the middle of auditioning, and he was like, Yeah, and it was kind of a casual call.

00:13:17.000 It was clearly not an emergency.

00:13:19.000 But I just powered through.

00:13:21.000 But he was a very cool, good guy.

00:13:23.000 There's a different culture of stardom versus people that want to be on a show.

00:13:32.000 You're not the equal.

00:13:33.000 What do you mean?

00:13:34.000 If you're auditioning for a show and the guy who has the show is in the room, there's this weird...

00:13:40.000 What is that?

00:13:42.000 Number one on the call sheet is a documentary about black actors.

00:13:46.000 It's not black actors. 0.98

00:13:49.000 It's just actors, period, in general.

00:13:51.000 I experienced that a lot in the news radio days with guys who were big movie stars and they would big time you in the weirdest way.

00:14:00.000 You couldn't just say hi to them.

00:14:01.000 You couldn't hang out with them.

00:14:02.000 There's a few guys that just like...

00:14:04.000 They were just really gross.

00:14:05.000 And then there was guys like John Ritter, who was like the fucking nicest guy in the world to everybody.

00:14:10.000 Right. The nicest guy in the world.

00:14:11.000 Only hear good stories about John Ritter.

00:14:12.000 Nicest guy in the world.

00:14:13.000 Camera people, joking around with the makeup lady, fun.

00:14:17.000 Heart attack.

00:14:18.000 Died. Young, man.

00:14:20.000 I know.

00:14:21.000 Fucking young.

00:14:21.000 Before the vaccine.

00:14:22.000 Young. No, he took it.

00:14:25.000 He was the first guy.

00:14:26.000 He was such a sweetheart on the set.

00:14:28.000 Such a nice guy.

00:14:30.000 I had, um...

00:14:31.000 That Cedric show was also, I had like an episode where it was like my episode, you know, where it was like, I had like three sketches I wrote that was going to be, you know, it was my big coming out.

00:14:40.000 And I literally came out, right?

00:14:42.000 And I was like, what's going on, you guys?

00:14:44.000 And shock and awe started.

00:14:46.000 Remember the Iraq war?

00:14:48.000 And it just was gone.

00:14:49.000 And I told everybody like, that's my big show.

00:14:51.000 And it just, that happened.

00:14:53.000 And then the one, and it just was over.

00:14:55.000 And I was back to, I never.

00:14:57.000 Sold my cars, back to my studio apartment.

00:14:59.000 Couldn't you think that studio executives would be wise enough to go, look, we got Louis C.K., we have Cedric the Entertainer, we have a fucking show.

00:15:07.000 Let's figure out a way to promote this correctly.

00:15:09.000 And it was funny.

00:15:10.000 It was just, and it's so hard to make a funny sketch show.

00:15:12.000 They try to plop people together.

00:15:13.000 You need, you know, real synergy with the cast and the writers have to figure out how people are funny.

00:15:18.000 It takes a while.

00:15:20.000 The first set of SNL cast, they already worked together.

00:15:24.000 And that's why they were like gelled right away.

00:15:25.000 I mean one of the reasons but all these sketch shows they put together and they'll say don't pitch a sketch show they never work it's because they like pluck people who don't even do sketch It's like putting together a boy band.

00:15:38.000 Exactly, yeah.

00:15:39.000 You know, like, you have to put together a fake band.

00:15:41.000 Not a bunch of guys who grew up together in Seattle, been playing in the basement.

00:15:44.000 No. That works better, though.

00:15:46.000 Find somebody, yeah, that works better.

00:15:48.000 Just put a bunch of hot dudes together. 0.97

00:15:50.000 Get some good hair.

00:15:52.000 Let them Milli Vanilli it up.

00:15:54.000 Yeah. By the way, Milli Vanilli.

00:15:56.000 They got a bad deal.

00:15:57.000 Not to change topics, but.

00:15:58.000 They got a bad rap.

00:15:59.000 Like, now they'd be fine.

00:16:00.000 They'd be fine.

00:16:01.000 No one cares if that's your voice.

00:16:02.000 You're hot.

00:16:03.000 I love your dreadlocks.

00:16:04.000 Great. Great look.

00:16:05.000 Great bodies.

00:16:06.000 Great bodies.

00:16:07.000 Great cocks.

00:16:08.000 Girl, I know it's true.

00:16:10.000 Yeah, that's a...

00:16:11.000 I do like their music.

00:16:13.000 I love you.

00:16:14.000 No, you don't.

00:16:14.000 I do.

00:16:15.000 They got you at the time.

00:16:16.000 Remember there was the other one?

00:16:18.000 There was a song.

00:16:22.000 God. It was like a big-time band, and there was this beautiful woman who was singing, and it turned out it wasn't really her singing.

00:16:31.000 It was some big, heavy lady. 1.00

00:16:34.000 Who was actually singing?

00:16:35.000 Oh, it's always, yeah, it's always like a big, you know, it was a big fact.

00:16:38.000 It was one of those fucking, something factory.

00:16:42.000 What was the band?

00:16:44.000 Yes. They didn't sing?

00:16:46.000 There was a situation like that, right?

00:16:47.000 Wasn't there?

00:16:48.000 Where some lady, Jamie will find it. 1.00

00:16:51.000 Jamie finds everything.

00:16:52.000 He knows everything.

00:16:53.000 Jamie hates me.

00:16:55.000 No, he doesn't.

00:16:55.000 He loves you.

00:16:56.000 We talked about you earlier today.

00:16:58.000 He was saying nice things.

00:16:58.000 He's bipolar.

00:17:00.000 I know.

00:17:01.000 He got hit by a golf ball.

00:17:02.000 Yeah, I saw his.

00:17:03.000 He's so cool.

00:17:04.000 I want that.

00:17:05.000 I was watching him.

00:17:06.000 He's got that really cool golf set back there.

00:17:09.000 Oh, yeah.

00:17:09.000 Jamie can golf his ass off.

00:17:11.000 I have a buddy who got hit in the head with a golf ball.

00:17:13.000 He said he was fucked up for six months.

00:17:14.000 Oh, really?

00:17:15.000 You got hit in the head with a line drive.

00:17:17.000 Just donk.

00:17:18.000 I hit a kid with a golf ball.

00:17:20.000 He was all right, though.

00:17:21.000 Luckily, I didn't get a good swing on him.

00:17:25.000 I see those guys that like do those power swings on the internet, like where they loop their arm around and fucking drive through and like, so imagine getting hit with one of those balls.

00:17:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:35.000 It's like getting hit with like a fucking, like a shotgun shooting a rubber bullet at you.

00:17:40.000 Yeah, yeah, they're really, yeah, if you get a nice skull worm burner, you could kill a duck if you just, you ever see those videos of pieces of head just snapping?

00:17:49.000 No, but you ever see that one where the pitcher catches the bird in mid-flight?

00:17:53.000 Yes. Amazing.

00:17:54.000 It's crazy.

00:17:55.000 It's like, what are the odds that it would perfectly be there when it's a 100-mile-an-hour pitch?

00:18:00.000 Oh, my God.

00:18:00.000 Who was that?

00:18:01.000 Was that Randy...

00:18:02.000 Yeah. Was it?

00:18:04.000 Randy, what's his last name?

00:18:04.000 Randy Johnson.

00:18:05.000 Randy Johnson.

00:18:06.000 The big unit.

00:18:07.000 He was so tall.

00:18:07.000 He was like halfway to the thing.

00:18:09.000 Oh, no.

00:18:10.000 Martha Walsh, most famous unknown singer of the 90s, speaks.

00:18:14.000 How a voice behind It's Raining Men Gonna Make You Sweat and Strike It Up went from being a bullied victim to an industry pioneer.

00:18:21.000 So which song was at the C&C Music Factory song?

00:18:24.000 Gonna Make You Sweat, C&C Music Factory.

00:18:27.000 She's cute. 0.95

00:18:27.000 Why didn't they give her a shot? 0.95

00:18:28.000 I don't know.

00:18:29.000 I don't even know what C&C Music Factory looks like.

00:18:31.000 Were they good looking?

00:18:32.000 They probably were.

00:18:33.000 Well, that was the move back then.

00:18:34.000 You get good looking people.

00:18:35.000 They dance around.

00:18:36.000 Now you just get AI to do it.

00:18:38.000 Well, this was the first time where they were experimenting really with images in a way where everything's visual.

00:18:45.000 It's all video.

00:18:46.000 You know, like MTV was so important.

00:18:49.000 It was so important.

00:18:51.000 I like the ugly years of musicians.

00:18:53.000 Gonna make you sweat the same song as everybody dancing.

00:18:56.000 Oh, that's it.

00:18:57.000 So that's it.

00:18:59.000 Some other lady in the video was singing it, but that lady was the real voice behind it. 1.00

00:19:05.000 But she just didn't look like they wanted her to look.

00:19:07.000 Uncredited vocals on the chorus.

00:19:09.000 Which is just so crazy.

00:19:10.000 Look what's happening with Lizzo.

00:19:13.000 You don't think that would have happened in 1994?

00:19:15.000 Of course it would have.

00:19:16.000 If you just tried it.

00:19:19.000 Everybody! That reminds me of college.

00:19:20.000 I went to school for acting, which is the dumbest thing you can ever go to school for, by the way.

00:19:24.000 What did you learn?

00:19:25.000 Nothing. Honestly, I learned to be a worse actor.

00:19:28.000 I really didn't believe that.

00:19:29.000 It was like Shakespeare and stuff.

00:19:30.000 I'm terrible at that.

00:19:31.000 All my teachers thought I was just terrible.

00:19:34.000 They did this one class.

00:19:36.000 Athletes have to be very careful about how they treat their bodies, something everyone wants to do, actually, right?

00:19:41.000 So it's no surprise that they're very particular about what they eat and drink.

00:19:45.000 It's no surprise that a lot of pro athletes rely on AG1 to help them stay at peak performance, just like me.

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00:19:54.000 It combines a multivitamin, multimineral blend of superfoods and more into one simple scoop, and it's NSF certified for sport.

00:20:05.000 Which, if you don't know what that is, it basically means you've been put through tons of testing for over 280 banned substances.

00:20:12.000 And trust me, you don't want any of that stuff in your body.

00:20:15.000 And it really is as simple as one scoop, once a day.

00:20:19.000 I have it in the morning.

00:20:20.000 It gives me confidence.

00:20:21.000 I need to take on the day.

00:20:22.000 Try AG1 for yourself.

00:20:24.000 It's something that I've actually been consistent with, and that's why I partnered with AG1 for so long.

00:20:29.000 Try AG1 and get a free welcome kit, a free bottle of vitamin D3, K2, and five free AG1 travel packs with your first subscription at drinkag1.com slash joerogan.

00:20:41.000 That's a $76 value gift for free if you go to drinkag1.com slash joerogan.

00:20:48.000 Check it out.

00:20:49.000 Literally, like, this was called Movement for the Actor.

00:20:52.000 Now, imagine, like, your parents, my parents paid for college.

00:20:54.000 It was so nice of them.

00:20:55.000 I don't have any debt.

00:20:56.000 But, like, what a waste of my parents' money.

00:20:58.000 It was, this is an hour class.

00:21:01.000 Movement for the Actor.

00:21:02.000 So they put on music, like, everybody danced to it.

00:21:04.000 It was one of the things.

00:21:05.000 And then you're supposed to just creatively, like, do whatever.

00:21:09.000 So these are a bunch of weirdos.

00:21:12.000 Like... $50,000.

00:21:15.000 I'm in my head like, what the fuck?

00:21:18.000 This doesn't make me a bad...

00:21:19.000 You're fake.

00:21:21.000 This teacher was like, we're doing Shakespeare.

00:21:24.000 He's like, bring in tights next week for the Shakespeare performance.

00:21:28.000 I'm like, I'm not buying tights and coming in here with tights.

00:21:32.000 Why would I have to do that?

00:21:34.000 Because back then, they dressed in their normal clothes.

00:21:37.000 You know what I mean?

00:21:38.000 When Shakespeare wrote the thing, they were just in their clothes.

00:21:41.000 It wasn't like getting in tights to do Hamlet.

00:21:44.000 So I just didn't get tights.

00:21:45.000 And he'd come in and he's like, where's your tights?

00:21:46.000 He's like this very effeminate guy who hated me.

00:21:49.000 And he goes, where are your tights, Kyle?

00:21:53.000 And I was like, oh, I forgot my tights.

00:21:55.000 And he's like, make sure you bring your tights next week.

00:21:57.000 And I was like, okay.

00:21:58.000 So next week, no tights.

00:22:00.000 And I go, oh, I forgot my tights.

00:22:02.000 I was like, darn it!

00:22:04.000 Is that how you said it?

00:22:05.000 I wish I brought my tights.

00:22:06.000 That's probably your best acting.

00:22:08.000 I was really good at acting like I wanted to bring my tights.

00:22:12.000 So he goes, get mine.

00:22:13.000 They're in the back.

00:22:15.000 So these green tights.

00:22:18.000 I had to put them on and I looked like Kermit the Frog because my legs are the size of a 12-year-old Korean girl. 0.99

00:22:25.000 And I came out with my...

00:22:27.000 It was disgusting.

00:22:28.000 Kermit the Frog.

00:22:30.000 Yeah, I look like Kermit.

00:22:32.000 By the way, and I did tell him, I said, listen, because I tried to negotiate before I put his tights on.

00:22:37.000 I'm like, but they didn't, they just wore their clothes like back then.

00:22:39.000 And he was like, get the tights.

00:22:41.000 Like, I want to see you in tights.

00:22:43.000 Brian Callum was always going to acting schools and he knew they were ridiculous.

00:22:48.000 But I don't, I think like Brian at one point in time was like completely enamored with the idea with being in.

00:22:54.000 In Hollywood, he had a bunch of famous actor friends, and he'd go to famous actor parties, and he'd take acting classes.

00:23:01.000 He's always working on his craft.

00:23:02.000 I love that.

00:23:03.000 Working on my craft.

00:23:04.000 By the way, that's such bullshit.

00:23:06.000 But he was aware.

00:23:07.000 He was fucking around.

00:23:09.000 When he would say working on my craft, he wasn't being serious.

00:23:11.000 He was completely joking.

00:23:12.000 So he had this teacher that was, I think it was a Scientology hustle, too.

00:23:17.000 It was one of those things.

00:23:18.000 There was a lot of that, particularly in the 90s, where the teachers were Scientologists.

00:23:24.000 Insert, by the way, it's not to pick on Scientology, insert whatever religion.

00:23:27.000 There was a lot of Scientology that was in Hollywood, though.

00:23:31.000 But what they would do is they would get people to join the acting class and they would try to recruit them into Scientology because the teacher was a Scientologist.

00:23:38.000 He would talk about how important it was.

00:23:41.000 To be in Scientology?

00:23:42.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:23:43.000 How important it was for his craft.

00:23:44.000 Meanwhile, they're never successful.

00:23:46.000 The people that are teaching the acting classes, they're always terrible.

00:23:49.000 They never go anywhere.

00:23:51.000 Maybe they have a small part on one thing and then they're going to tell you how to make it.

00:23:54.000 But you didn't even apply it to your own life.

00:23:56.000 When I was a teacher, I didn't think I'd ever be...

00:23:59.000 Not to say there's not good acting teachers out there.

00:24:01.000 I'm sure there are.

00:24:02.000 There's people that just love theater.

00:24:04.000 They love that kind of act.

00:24:05.000 They have no desire to be famous.

00:24:06.000 They love the craft.

00:24:07.000 They love the art of it.

00:24:08.000 That's true too, right?

00:24:10.000 But anyway, this guy, he was really into show tunes.

00:24:13.000 And he would do a big show at the end of the class or whatever, the end of the quarter, whatever it was.

00:24:19.000 He had this big show at this local theater and Brian's like, you have to come and watch a guy with the tiniest feet you've ever seen in your life.

00:24:28.000 He had these little, I couldn't take my eyes off his feet because he had loafers on and they were like that big.

00:24:33.000 And this guy would sing like so passionately these show tunes.

00:24:40.000 From, like, musicals.

00:24:41.000 Like, there's no context.

00:24:42.000 You know, he didn't see the musical.

00:24:44.000 It was like a medley, like a review.

00:24:46.000 A medley of showtimes.

00:24:46.000 I love that.

00:24:47.000 Sounds like a great show.

00:24:48.000 Wait, you came there to see his feet?

00:24:50.000 That was, like, the way you went?

00:24:51.000 No, Brian was, like, fascinated by how small his feet were.

00:24:54.000 And then I couldn't stop, because we were high, so I couldn't stop looking at his feet.

00:24:57.000 That's not that small, that.

00:24:58.000 No, they were tiny.

00:24:59.000 They were, like, size five.

00:24:59.000 That seems like a...

00:25:00.000 They were little, little tiny feet.

00:25:02.000 I had a date with this girl once, and she was like, I have a shoe show. 1.00

00:25:04.000 I'm a shoe model, right?

00:25:06.000 And I'm like, oh, a shoe show?

00:25:07.000 Okay. A shoe model?

00:25:09.000 Yeah, foot.

00:25:10.000 A foot model?

00:25:11.000 Like, she would model shoes.

00:25:13.000 Okay, like open-toed shoes?

00:25:15.000 I didn't know, but that's what she would say.

00:25:17.000 She was going to do this.

00:25:19.000 She always had dollar bills. 0.86

00:25:20.000 She always had cash.

00:25:22.000 I found out years later, she was a stripper. 0.98

00:25:25.000 Shoe show is when you have no clothes on.

00:25:26.000 I just thought she was a shoe... 1.00

00:25:28.000 Oh, by the way, here's another...

00:25:30.000 I thought it was going another direction.

00:25:32.000 I thought guys were paying to jerk off to her feet. 1.00

00:25:35.000 Maybe. She had great feet.

00:25:37.000 But another stupid...

00:25:39.000 This was even the dumber class than the moving around class was called Interpretation for the Actor.

00:25:44.000 So this week, you would read a play like Streetcar Named Desire, and then you'd come in and you'd do your interpretation of it.

00:25:52.000 So the weirder you were, the better grade you got.

00:25:55.000 Oh, boy.

00:25:56.000 So one guy comes in, he did Streetcar, and he put...

00:26:00.000 It was a big mirror, you know, because it was also a dance room.

00:26:03.000 And he took a lipstick and he wrote whore within lipstick. 0.54

00:26:07.000 Oh, so deep.

00:26:08.000 Yeah. So deep.

00:26:09.000 And he pulled his pants out and started fucking the mirror.

00:26:12.000 And then he turned to us and he goes, fuck you.

00:26:14.000 And he left.

00:26:15.000 And then everyone started clapping and I was like, I gotta get the fuck out of here.

00:26:23.000 Listen to what I, so I'm like, because I got like a D on my whatever I did.

00:26:27.000 So I'm like, I'm going to be fucking weird my next.

00:26:30.000 I didn't read any of the things.

00:26:31.000 I have trouble reading.

00:26:33.000 I don't know how to read.

00:26:35.000 I just never learned.

00:26:37.000 So I got Glass Menagerie.

00:26:42.000 It's my book.

00:26:42.000 Didn't read it.

00:26:43.000 Whatever. I just went in there.

00:26:46.000 I got an egg.

00:26:47.000 And I took one of my mother's Waterford crystal glasses and a string.

00:26:52.000 And I took the string and I was just like, nobody sails the seas if they don't find their way.

00:26:59.000 Then I clipped the string and the glass fell and broke.

00:27:04.000 Then I went outside, you could see, and I buried an egg.

00:27:07.000 It makes no fucking sense.

00:27:09.000 And then the guy said, what grade do you think you should get?

00:27:11.000 And I said, an A, and he gave me an A.

00:27:14.000 He's brilliant.

00:27:17.000 Brilliant. Meryl Streep was an amazing actress when she was 20, and she's amazing now.

00:27:27.000 She never, no, are you working four hours a day getting better at acting?

00:27:31.000 No, you're not.

00:27:32.000 You're not training.

00:27:33.000 There's a little bit you can kind of learn, but you're done after a little bit.

00:27:36.000 If you're not Daniel Day-Lewis already.

00:27:39.000 Fucking love that guy.

00:27:40.000 Yeah, if you're not that guy already, you're probably never going to be able to do that.

00:27:43.000 They talk like they're like working their piano skills all day and four days a year, crap.

00:27:48.000 You know, the problem, what we did was, is we were like, we.

00:27:52.000 Not me at all.

00:27:53.000 But when they were like, oh, let's make some more money.

00:27:56.000 We'll have an award show, and then we'll make money.

00:27:59.000 That's why there's the Oscars.

00:28:01.000 Oh, yeah.

00:28:02.000 But the actors thought, we're doing something really great.

00:28:06.000 The Oscars are like the Olympics for actors.

00:28:08.000 Yeah. I mean, the Olympics, at least you're like, I don't know, doing something you can quantify.

00:28:14.000 But a nine-year-old won an Oscar.

00:28:18.000 Like, how?

00:28:19.000 There's not going to be a nine-year-old best surgeon.

00:28:22.000 It's a thing you can do or kind of can't do.

00:28:24.000 There's a little bit of learning, but certainly not movement for the actor.

00:28:28.000 It's not brain surgery.

00:28:29.000 No. It's not working on your craft.

00:28:31.000 It's not even like...

00:28:32.000 It's not painting.

00:28:33.000 It's not even like when you crunch a ball and you throw it into a basket.

00:28:37.000 The skill is like...

00:28:39.000 Well, it's one of the few careers where it's a benefit.

00:28:45.000 To be out of your fucking mind.

00:28:47.000 Yeah, it's about personal, like I love, we love the person, like Jeff Goldblum, like love that guy, Christopher Walken.

00:28:53.000 Jack Nicholson.

00:28:54.000 Amazing, like there's amazing actors.

00:28:55.000 You like the people who party.

00:28:56.000 Yeah. Crazy wild people.

00:28:58.000 You know, the story behind it to be.

00:29:00.000 Yeah! God, I miss Jack Nicholson.

00:29:02.000 Oh yeah, he was the best.

00:29:03.000 That old Jack.

00:29:04.000 He was the, just.

00:29:05.000 He was the best.

00:29:06.000 Did you ever see him flirt with Jennifer Lawrence?

00:29:08.000 Did you ever see that video?

00:29:08.000 No. How old was he at the time?

00:29:11.000 A thousand?

00:29:12.000 He was 1,000.

00:29:14.000 Wait, Jamie, do you have that?

00:29:15.000 I don't mean to run this show, but it's a good schooling on, like, he's so cool.

00:29:21.000 And this girl's way too young for him.

00:29:23.000 But, um...

00:29:25.000 If you want to talk politics, we can.

00:29:32.000 Thank you.

00:29:34.000 Yeah. You're being really rude.

00:29:40.000 Good to see you.

00:29:42.000 Oh, my God.

00:29:45.000 Thank you.

00:29:46.000 I loved all your movies.

00:29:48.000 Oh, really?

00:29:49.000 Do I look like a new girl, then?

00:29:51.000 I thought about it.

00:29:53.000 I thought about it.

00:29:57.000 So it became flirtatious, but it was mostly just complimentary about her movie.

00:30:03.000 What movie was that?

00:30:04.000 He stayed cool, and he just makes that eye contact, and then...

00:30:09.000 It's like you need crazy people to make great movies.

00:30:11.000 She was flirting, actually.

00:30:11.000 She flirted with him.

00:30:13.000 Yeah. You need crazy people to make good movies.

00:30:15.000 You need it.

00:30:16.000 You need a guy who's going to pretend he's Lincoln for four months.

00:30:19.000 There will be blood I just saw.

00:30:21.000 Oh, my God.

00:30:22.000 Phenomenal. What's that?

00:30:23.000 I drink it up.

00:30:25.000 What was it?

00:30:26.000 Silver Linings Playbook.

00:30:27.000 I think her and Bradley Cooper were in it.

00:30:28.000 Oh, I didn't see that one.

00:30:29.000 I drink your milkshake.

00:30:31.000 Oh, my God.

00:30:32.000 It was so good.

00:30:33.000 He was so good.

00:30:34.000 He was such a great psychopath.

00:30:35.000 If I read that movie, I think I'd be like, this is boring.

00:30:39.000 There Will Be Blood is just...

00:30:41.000 Right, I'll drink your milkshake.

00:30:42.000 What? At the end, he's talking to that guy who's religious, who's like, can I have some of your...

00:30:46.000 And he's like, no, there's no more oil under you.

00:30:49.000 He's like, I drank it up!

00:30:51.000 I... And he just made the analogy of a straw, like, drank up his thing, and then he beats him with a...

00:30:57.000 I'd drink your milkshake.

00:30:58.000 Bowling pin.

00:30:59.000 Bowling pin.

00:30:59.000 And he's like, I'm finished.

00:31:01.000 One of the best endings to a movie.

00:31:03.000 Yeah, it was a fucked up movie.

00:31:06.000 So that's a different thing.

00:31:07.000 You know, that kind of...

00:31:09.000 Acting? Why is this dude crying already?

00:31:30.000 He needs money.

00:31:31.000 He got broke.

00:31:32.000 and he's coming back to beg him.

00:31:34.000 You're just after birth, Eli.

00:31:37.000 No. You slithered out on your mother's filth.

00:31:41.000 No. They should have put you in a glass jar on the mantelpiece.

00:31:47.000 Where were you when Paul was suckling at his mother's teeth?

00:31:52.000 Where were you?

00:31:53.000 Who was nursing you, poor Eli?

00:31:56.000 None of Bandit's sows.

00:31:58.000 That land has been had.

00:32:00.000 about is gone.

00:32:01.000 Pat, if you would just take this lease, Daniel.

00:32:04.000 Drain it! 0.99

00:32:07.000 Drain it! 0.99

00:32:15.000 Cut to the part where he kills him.

00:32:19.000 Is it in there?

00:32:39.000 it out.

00:32:47.000 Drink it up!

00:32:48.000 Don't bully me, Daniel!

00:32:52.000 So good.

00:32:56.000 Choices, they say in school.

00:32:58.000 It's the choices you make in your performance.

00:33:00.000 Yeah, it's also you gotta be out of your fucking mind.

00:33:02.000 You gotta be able to become that guy.

00:33:04.000 I know, but then...

00:33:04.000 Most people can't do that.

00:33:06.000 Most people can't lie that good.

00:33:07.000 Yeah, he...

00:33:08.000 I mean, he becomes those people where...

00:33:10.000 Becomes them.

00:33:11.000 But to live with that guy would be probably a nightmare during that movie.

00:33:14.000 Oh, would be a nightmare.

00:33:15.000 Imagine that guy's your roommate.

00:33:18.000 Who ate my cheese?

00:33:20.000 My Cheerios!

00:33:21.000 All day long, he's a murderous psychopath.

00:33:24.000 And what if he slips into character too much?

00:33:27.000 What if he lights your house on fire?

00:33:29.000 Just to stay in character.

00:33:30.000 At least he does back it up.

00:33:33.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:33:33.000 He hasn't done anything too crazy.

00:33:35.000 Well, there's a lot of people that do that.

00:33:36.000 They play a brawler and they start fights with people on the streets.

00:33:40.000 People get crazy with film roles, with who they become.

00:33:44.000 Yeah, who was that guy?

00:33:45.000 But that's how you got a great movie.

00:33:47.000 Who was that guy?

00:33:47.000 Christian Bale?

00:33:48.000 Jared Leto was sending people stuff, I think, as the Joker.

00:33:51.000 Jared Leto was doing weird shit when he was the Joker.

00:33:52.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:33:53.000 I don't like when they go too far with it.

00:33:55.000 Might have been rumors, too.

00:33:56.000 Yeah, the Batman guy.

00:33:58.000 Remember that whole thing where he was...

00:34:00.000 Screaming at the guy for getting in the way of his lighting or something?

00:34:03.000 No, this guy was moving around.

00:34:05.000 The background was distracting.

00:34:06.000 And he's like, aren't you a fucking professional?

00:34:08.000 Remember that?

00:34:09.000 Yeah. Because he was in some heavy scene.

00:34:11.000 Yeah, but he was...

00:34:13.000 That does happen, man, where people don't pay attention and they're on their phone and they're fucking off in the background and they're right in the eyeline.

00:34:21.000 The thing I found interesting about that was his accent didn't...

00:34:25.000 Because he kept an American accent when he was screaming, so...

00:34:28.000 Interesting. I found that quite interesting.

00:34:31.000 Yes, indeed.

00:34:32.000 Yes. That guy's another fucking amazing actor.

00:34:35.000 Another amazing actor.

00:34:36.000 What was that psycho movie?

00:34:37.000 American Psycho.

00:34:38.000 So good.

00:34:39.000 Insane. But the craziest thing he ever did was when he almost died.

00:34:43.000 Making that Machinist movie.

00:34:44.000 Got down to like 120 pounds.

00:34:46.000 Oh, almost fucking hell.

00:34:47.000 He played a guy with narcos.

00:34:48.000 It's a terrible movie.

00:34:49.000 Not terrible.

00:34:50.000 I never heard of it.

00:34:51.000 It's just not very good.

00:34:52.000 But I mean, to have a guy who's like a leading man and almost die for a movie that no one saw.

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00:36:34.000 I almost got...

00:36:35.000 I got a movie that was like the only...

00:36:37.000 It was right in between...

00:36:39.000 It was Walking Phoenix's movie.

00:36:40.000 It was so bad.

00:36:41.000 The only movie I ever got.

00:36:42.000 And it was between The Joker and the next...

00:36:45.000 It was like set up to be this big movie.

00:36:46.000 It was Gus Van Zandt movie.

00:36:48.000 And I...

00:36:49.000 To get the...

00:36:50.000 I was a doctor.

00:36:51.000 I had to say all these like...

00:36:52.000 Crazy things.

00:36:53.000 Technical about the spine.

00:36:55.000 And I knew if I could just get through this audition and just say this, I'll get this part.

00:37:00.000 I'll be in the top 10% because everyone's going to fuck up this and be staring at a piece of paper.

00:37:04.000 So I did the whole script.

00:37:06.000 When I tap here, say this, I had a whole thing that made me memorize it.

00:37:10.000 And I went and I got it.

00:37:13.000 I go to do the thing.

00:37:14.000 No one talks to me.

00:37:16.000 The wardrobe guy goes, what outfit you want?

00:37:19.000 He showed me a couple and I was like, this one?

00:37:21.000 I'm choosing the outfit of this doctor?

00:37:23.000 I was like, okay.

00:37:25.000 And then never saw Gus Van Zandt.

00:37:27.000 And then I get there and they go, just when they say action, go in there and then do your scene.

00:37:33.000 There was no blocking or anything.

00:37:35.000 And I'm like, okay.

00:37:39.000 And I've never done a movie before.

00:37:40.000 And I'm like, this is how?

00:37:41.000 I don't think this is how you do it.

00:37:42.000 So they're like, go.

00:37:44.000 So I go in there and I'm like, see Qualum doing this whole thing.

00:37:49.000 And Gus Van Zandt comes up after me and he goes, have we met before?

00:37:53.000 I auditioned like three times for him and I got the part.

00:37:56.000 And I'm like, yeah.

00:37:58.000 And he goes, you're talking over Joaquin.

00:38:01.000 And I go, oh, don't talk over Joaquin.

00:38:04.000 I couldn't hear Joaquin Phoenix at all because he was just like, doing his lines like that, you know?

00:38:10.000 And I wouldn't think as the doctor talking to like assistants that I would.

00:38:15.000 Stop talking in the middle of my sentences while he's talking, because he was talking to himself.

00:38:20.000 But it was the weirdest thing.

00:38:22.000 Terrible movie.

00:38:23.000 Was he playing an insane person?

00:38:24.000 He was cripple. 1.00

00:38:26.000 Is that PC?

00:38:27.000 Did we say that?

00:38:28.000 He couldn't move his legs.

00:38:31.000 He was the guy.

00:38:32.000 He was a cartoonist.

00:38:33.000 I'm blanking on the name of the movie, but he was a cartoonist, and it was this biopic, and I was...

00:38:42.000 It was a very weird experience.

00:38:44.000 But the movie, anyway, my point is, is terrible.

00:38:46.000 It's a terrible movie.

00:38:47.000 But you thought it was going to be a banger?

00:38:49.000 Thought this was your shot?

00:38:50.000 Well, no, because at this point in my career, like, the shock and all, like, these things happen to me over and over again where I'm just, like, kind of laughing, and it's like, okay.

00:38:58.000 I remember I was, yeah, there's been a bunch of situations where, like, get ready for the rocket ship, Kyle, because things are about to take off, and I'm always like, okay.

00:39:07.000 Oy. Yeah.

00:39:08.000 The old rocket ship.

00:39:10.000 Isn't that funny?

00:39:11.000 Like, everybody wants to...

00:39:12.000 It's just the weird anxiety of not knowing if it's going to work out for you.

00:39:15.000 It's such a terrible place to be.

00:39:18.000 Like, that's where the real making it is.

00:39:20.000 The real making it is just not worrying about that anymore.

00:39:23.000 The real making it is just like, oh, I can make a living.

00:39:26.000 That's the real...

00:39:27.000 That's a big hump, yeah.

00:39:28.000 That's the hump.

00:39:29.000 That's the hump.

00:39:30.000 Like, whenever I tell, like, young comics that are just starting to, like, headline now, and, you know, they've got some, like, viral clips, I'm like, dude, listen to me.

00:39:39.000 You have already made it.

00:39:41.000 Like, you're a professional now.

00:39:43.000 This is the hump.

00:39:44.000 Everything now is just stick to the grind.

00:39:46.000 Stick to the...

00:39:47.000 It's gravy from here on out.

00:39:49.000 Like, you should be so happy.

00:39:50.000 You're talented, and you're successful.

00:39:52.000 It's actually happening.

00:39:53.000 People are paying to come see you.

00:39:55.000 I'm like, you got this.

00:39:56.000 Like, from here...

00:39:57.000 Because everyone's like, man, what if they stop coming?

00:39:59.000 Like, don't...

00:40:00.000 Don't give in to that.

00:40:02.000 You should have fun.

00:40:03.000 Have fun.

00:40:03.000 They want you to have fun.

00:40:04.000 Come on.

00:40:05.000 They like you now.

00:40:05.000 Your job is to have fun.

00:40:06.000 I wish someone told me, because I really did not get this advice for...

00:40:11.000 Some people that are super successful still don't do that.

00:40:16.000 There's guys out there that are super successful that are paying attention to the ticket sales of other super successful guys and comparing themselves.

00:40:23.000 I'm talking about arena acts that do that.

00:40:26.000 Oh, really?

00:40:27.000 People get kooky.

00:40:30.000 They get kooky with numbers and their position in the ladder.

00:40:35.000 Am I making it?

00:40:36.000 Is it happening?

00:40:37.000 What does their name rhyme with?

00:40:38.000 I'm not telling you.

00:40:40.000 Jamie knows, I can tell by the smiles.

00:40:42.000 I like them too.

00:40:43.000 I like a lot of people that think ridiculous things.

00:40:46.000 But it's just, it's a trap that, you know, the struggle that led you to become successful at something in the first place, that becomes like your mentality once you're in a different stage of it.

00:40:57.000 And you have to adjust.

00:40:58.000 It's hard to change.

00:40:58.000 You gotta be able to adjust.

00:40:59.000 It's almost like changing your personality to change that habit.

00:41:02.000 I mean, it's really difficult.

00:41:03.000 Well, everybody adjusts a little bit, right?

00:41:05.000 Because you first get into it because you want attention.

00:41:08.000 You first get into it because you think, maybe I could be a comedian.

00:41:11.000 That'd be cool.

00:41:11.000 I'd be on stage.

00:41:12.000 I'd get attention.

00:41:13.000 And then after that, you don't need that.

00:41:18.000 That's not what you really want anymore.

00:41:19.000 Then it becomes like, I just want it to get better.

00:41:22.000 I'm working on this thing.

00:41:23.000 I just want it to work.

00:41:25.000 I want it to pop on stage.

00:41:26.000 I want to figure out the right beats.

00:41:28.000 I want to figure out the right way to say it.

00:41:29.000 Then it becomes that.

00:41:30.000 And once it becomes that, that's the happy spot.

00:41:33.000 That's where you're happy.

00:41:34.000 When you can just create stuff.

00:41:37.000 Put it together.

00:41:38.000 I wish someone told me that because I had a viral, some viral YouTube videos like way back and I did, I was still on like sitcom.

00:41:45.000 I kind of get a sitcom mentality where if someone was just like, dude, focus on your YouTube.

00:41:52.000 And get your audience to go directly to your audience.

00:41:55.000 But back then, no one knew.

00:41:57.000 No one had any idea.

00:41:59.000 Like, just think about this podcast was started in 2009.

00:42:02.000 And in 2009, everybody thought it was a pathetic waste of time.

00:42:05.000 Yeah, I remember.

00:42:06.000 Like, friends would come over to do my podcast and be like, what are you doing?

00:42:09.000 Like, why are you doing this?

00:42:10.000 It's like, it's such a waste of time.

00:42:11.000 You're on a fucking webcam?

00:42:13.000 But nobody saw that coming.

00:42:15.000 Did you?

00:42:16.000 I would have never given you that advice back then.

00:42:18.000 Just did your YouTube.

00:42:19.000 You did it because it was enjoyable.

00:42:20.000 Just fun.

00:42:21.000 You weren't, like, thinking, like, this is the way.

00:42:22.000 I always wanted a radio show, but no one would ever give me a radio show.

00:42:26.000 You know, so when I would do radio shows, like if I would sit in on Opie and Anthony, I'd be like, this is so fun.

00:42:31.000 I'd love to do something like this, but no one's going to give me one of these fucking things.

00:42:34.000 That's how I thought about it.

00:42:36.000 Yeah. And so doing, when I saw Anthony Cumia started doing this thing live from the compound, he would do it in his basement, where he'd play karaoke with a machine gun.

00:42:45.000 He's out of his mind.

00:42:45.000 He's drunk.

00:42:46.000 He's got, like, full beer.

00:42:48.000 Yeah. This is a job.

00:43:18.000 That's nice you knew you wanted to do that.

00:43:20.000 Wow, it just seemed like fun.

00:43:22.000 I always loved the opportunity to talk to interesting people or funny people.

00:43:28.000 I'm a questioner.

00:43:29.000 I like to ask questions.

00:43:31.000 How did you know that?

00:43:33.000 Why did you do that?

00:43:33.000 You found the right thing.

00:43:36.000 It's just like the opportunity to talk to cool people seems like what a great thing that would be because it's always fun to talk to cool people.

00:43:45.000 If I was ever on those shows and I ran into someone who was interesting, I was like, wait, how'd you start this?

00:43:50.000 Yeah, you having a lot of interest helps.

00:43:55.000 Oh, fucking for sure.

00:43:56.000 But back then, I would have told you to get a sitcom because there was no money on YouTube.

00:44:02.000 Everybody still wanted a sitcom back then.

00:44:04.000 The only one guy who didn't, and I was like, he's lying.

00:44:07.000 Zach Galifianakis was like, I don't want to do a sitcom.

00:44:10.000 In my head, I'm like, oh, he's lying.

00:44:11.000 But he actually had a very...

00:44:14.000 He had his head together.

00:44:15.000 Yeah, he's not lying about nothing.

00:44:17.000 I mean, that guy, he's the least attention whorey of any famous person.

00:44:22.000 He never got caught up.

00:44:23.000 Famous funny person ever.

00:44:24.000 Not at all.

00:44:25.000 Doesn't he live like on a farm?

00:44:26.000 Yeah, he does.

00:44:26.000 He's like a tractor.

00:44:27.000 Yeah, very interesting guy.

00:44:29.000 Very smart guy.

00:44:31.000 Very smart.

00:44:31.000 He was good friends with Brody.

00:44:34.000 Yeah. And he was one of the first people to alert me when Brody was off the meds.

00:44:40.000 Like, there was a time when Brody was off his meds.

00:44:42.000 Do you remember that?

00:44:43.000 Mm-hmm.

00:44:44.000 People don't know.

00:44:45.000 We're talking about our late great friend, Brody Stevens, who was like that.

00:44:49.000 So funny.

00:44:49.000 He was so funny.

00:44:50.000 Brody Stevens is like one of the best examples of, like, it's not what's written on paper.

00:44:56.000 Yeah, you wouldn't.

00:44:57.000 Yeah. Right?

00:44:58.000 If you got his act on paper, you'd be like, this is not going to work at all.

00:45:00.000 Right, you'd be like, this is nonsense.

00:45:01.000 This doesn't make any sense at all.

00:45:02.000 Meanwhile, everyone's lining up in the back of the room to see him say these things.

00:45:05.000 Yeah, I think it's like that Andy Kaufman of our little time period there.

00:45:09.000 Andy Kaufman was a brilliant actor and a brilliant comedic actor.

00:45:14.000 He was great on Taxi, but I don't think he ever killed on stage like Brody did.

00:45:19.000 Brody was...

00:45:19.000 One time we were in the improv.

00:45:22.000 Oh yeah, a different type of comedy.

00:45:24.000 But it was like, you know, a different...

00:45:26.000 When he was on stage, the comedians watched him.

00:45:29.000 Yes. It was a different thing.

00:45:30.000 He's doing his own thing.

00:45:32.000 He's doing this Brody Stevens thing.

00:45:33.000 One time we were at the improv, and it's really late.

00:45:36.000 Like, I'd gone up, a lot of people had gone up, the crowd was kind of tired, half the people there.

00:45:40.000 And they announced that Brody's there, and Brody's worried that people are going to get up.

00:45:44.000 So Brody takes his shirt off, and he starts swinging it around in the air over his head and walking to the crowd.

00:45:49.000 Let's go!

00:45:51.000 Positive energy!

00:45:53.000 And he gets on stage, and he pulls drumsticks out of his back pocket, starts beating the chairs, and he starts talking shit.

00:45:59.000 And he just changed the energy of the whole room.

00:46:02.000 Changed the energy of the whole room.

00:46:04.000 And I don't think there's anybody, like, since him, I can't think of somebody who's, like, replaced.

00:46:07.000 Someone will replace that, but...

00:46:09.000 They're going to do it in their own way.

00:46:12.000 Brody's on stage.

00:46:12.000 You have to go watch.

00:46:14.000 Holtzman's like that now.

00:46:15.000 Holtzman? Oh, I don't know him.

00:46:17.000 Brian Holtzman?

00:46:18.000 You don't know Brian Holtzman?

00:46:19.000 No. Oh, my God, dude.

00:46:20.000 I stay at my house a lot.

00:46:21.000 Oh, my God.

00:46:21.000 Do you let him stay at your house?

00:46:23.000 You don't even know him?

00:46:23.000 No, I say I stay at my house.

00:46:24.000 You've never saw Holtzman at the Comedy Store?

00:46:26.000 No. That's crazy.

00:46:28.000 You know what?

00:46:28.000 I might have and just didn't know his name.

00:46:30.000 Well, he would always come late at night.

00:46:31.000 And unfortunately...

00:46:33.000 You know, there would be like 15 people left in the crowd and Holtzman would go on these wild rants.

00:46:38.000 He's like one of the funniest guys of all time.

00:46:40.000 He's like a complete total comics comic.

00:46:44.000 Oh, yeah.

00:46:45.000 I don't know him well.

00:46:46.000 Holtzman's at our club now all the time.

00:46:49.000 All the time.

00:46:50.000 But now he has a crowd.

00:46:51.000 Now people know about him.

00:46:52.000 So they come to see him.

00:46:53.000 You cannot go there.

00:46:56.000 If anything, if you can't tolerate literally everything, don't go.

00:47:01.000 It's very dirty?

00:47:03.000 It's not dirty.

00:47:05.000 It's just he's out of his fucking mind.

00:47:07.000 And it's kind of in character, but you're not really sure.

00:47:10.000 I like that.

00:47:11.000 Like, Mitzi Shore wouldn't let him on stage for two weeks after 9-11.

00:47:16.000 She wouldn't let him up.

00:47:17.000 He can't go up.

00:47:20.000 He's like, Mitzi, I don't understand.

00:47:21.000 I'm not going to cross any lines.

00:47:22.000 He was like, couldn't wait to cross lines.

00:47:24.000 Do you remember when Susan Smith, that lady, drowned her kids?

00:47:27.000 Yes. He goes, the day.

00:47:29.000 The day!

00:47:30.000 He's on stage.

00:47:31.000 Ladies and gentlemen, I heard those are bad kids.

00:47:32.000 I heard they sat that close to the TV.

00:47:35.000 They didn't put away their blocks.

00:47:36.000 They always spilt their fucking milk. 0.88

00:47:39.000 Those kids are not going to be missed.

00:47:40.000 What did the audience do?

00:47:43.000 Hollywood, Comedy Store, Sunset, Tuesday Night or whatever it was.

00:47:48.000 1 a.m.

00:47:49.000 They went nuts.

00:47:50.000 Everybody went nuts.

00:47:51.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:47:52.000 But that was Holtzman.

00:47:53.000 Holtzman got these late spots.

00:47:55.000 So he would say the wildest, most insane shit, but also have a really good point half the time.

00:48:01.000 Like, it was comedy wrapped up in a point, and then every now and then he'd let you in on it.

00:48:05.000 Like, it was just fucking around, and go right back to it!

00:48:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:48:09.000 And, you know, it's a little dance he's doing with the crowd, and you gotta know...

00:48:13.000 What the dance is.

00:48:14.000 But if you know what the dance is, like, comics love him.

00:48:16.000 Like, whenever he's on stage, we sit in the balcony and watch Holtzman at the mothership.

00:48:20.000 It sounds like that other guy who's older and blanking on his name.

00:48:23.000 Don Beres?

00:48:24.000 Nope. He's like, what are you people doing here at this hour?

00:48:29.000 Oh, Louis Black?

00:48:31.000 No. Jesus, who are you talking about?

00:48:34.000 He's at the store.

00:48:36.000 Eddie Pepitone?

00:48:37.000 Eddie Pepitone!

00:48:39.000 I love that guy.

00:48:41.000 Oh yeah, he's great too.

00:48:42.000 Very similar in a lot of ways, like just insane energy and has a point, but is also completely wacky.

00:48:50.000 Yeah, I love how long careers can be.

00:48:53.000 He's the sweetheart of a guy too, Pepitone.

00:48:55.000 Yeah, he is.

00:48:56.000 I think he started late.

00:48:57.000 I think Eddie started a little late.

00:48:59.000 I think so.

00:49:00.000 At least I wasn't aware of him until later.

00:49:02.000 It's good we have long careers.

00:49:04.000 Like, imagine, I was thinking about sports guys, you know, like you're a baseball player and that's your identity and then you're 30 and you're like...

00:49:09.000 It's over.

00:49:10.000 We can go a long way.

00:49:11.000 You can go to maybe 40. Like, look, Tom Brady, still playing football.

00:49:15.000 What was he, like 42 when he retired?

00:49:17.000 Still, that's young-ish to have.

00:49:19.000 Young as fuck if you're a comic.

00:49:20.000 If your identity is I'm a sports, you know, player, I'm like a sports player.

00:49:25.000 That's how much I know.

00:49:26.000 I just revealed how, what a good big sports guy I am.

00:49:30.000 Sports player.

00:49:31.000 You know, you're a sports player.

00:49:33.000 An athlete makes a ton of money for a very short amount of time.

00:49:37.000 That's why they all go broke.

00:49:38.000 Or not all of them, but a large amount of them go bankrupt.

00:49:41.000 It's also just like, you think about your identity when you're a kid, and you probably get all that, you know, identity as an athletic person, then you become like a professional.

00:49:51.000 And it must be difficult to just, you have to really never...

00:49:55.000 Hook into that.

00:49:55.000 Like, that's my identity.

00:49:56.000 It's also, like, if you're a really hot woman, I think it's hard when, you know, you gotta, like, not have that be your identity.

00:50:01.000 Can't be your whole thing, because one day it's gonna go away.

00:50:03.000 But if you're an athlete, it goes away even quicker than being a hot lady. 1.00

00:50:06.000 Like, there's hot ladies that are in their 50s. 1.00

00:50:08.000 They're still hot.

00:50:09.000 They maintain their looks.

00:50:10.000 Some hot ladies in the 50s. 0.98

00:50:12.000 They work out.

00:50:12.000 They take care of their skin.

00:50:14.000 But there's no, like, super athletes that are in their 50s.

00:50:17.000 Like, they don't exist.

00:50:18.000 What about...

00:50:19.000 Not at a professional level.

00:50:21.000 Hold on, let me think.

00:50:23.000 Go ahead.

00:50:23.000 It's not possible.

00:50:24.000 I know athletes.

00:50:25.000 Give me a second here.

00:50:26.000 There's one guy I can tell you that did it into his 50s.

00:50:28.000 Bernard Hopkins.

00:50:29.000 He played golf?

00:50:31.000 No, he was a boxer.

00:50:32.000 World champion boxer.

00:50:34.000 Oh, a boxer in their 50s?

00:50:34.000 Multiple division world champion boxer.

00:50:36.000 Was beating world champions at 50 years old.

00:50:38.000 Did Tyson, was he full on going full on?

00:50:41.000 I don't know.

00:50:42.000 I'm not Mike Tyson.

00:50:43.000 You don't know?

00:50:43.000 But I would say, by the tone of my voice, you can sense a little bit of skepticism.

00:50:49.000 Yeah. Anybody who's a combat sports athlete looked at that and said, you know, I'm happy Mike Tyson made money.

00:50:55.000 It seemed like he held back a little bit.

00:50:58.000 Maybe there was an agreement.

00:50:59.000 I wasn't there.

00:51:01.000 I'm not one for wild speculation.

00:51:04.000 No, you're not.

00:51:05.000 No, you don't get involved in anything.

00:51:06.000 Gordie Howe was playing until he was 69 years old in 276 days.

00:51:10.000 Who is that?

00:51:11.000 Gordie Howe.

00:51:12.000 Gordie Howell, great...

00:51:13.000 Soccer? Hockey?

00:51:15.000 He was 69?

00:51:17.000 Yeah, I mean, he wasn't in the NHL at that point, but he played a professional hockey game at that age, yeah.

00:51:22.000 That's insane!

00:51:23.000 Hey, Joe, can I have a cigar?

00:51:24.000 I want to look manly.

00:51:25.000 I need something to look manly.

00:51:28.000 Let me get some freshies out of the humidor.

00:51:30.000 You look very manly.

00:51:32.000 I mean, I thank you, but sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm like, that guy looks old.

00:51:39.000 Kelly Slater, also pro surfer, still rolling.

00:51:43.000 I'm going to look ridiculous.

00:51:44.000 Kelly's a great example.

00:51:45.000 He's another example of someone who just takes care of themselves.

00:51:49.000 But Bernard Hopkins was a...

00:51:51.000 What was like Bernard Hopkins' world championship fight that he had when he was in his 50s?

00:51:58.000 This is a list on Wikipedia.

00:51:59.000 Albert Hughes is the oldest pro boxer at 70 years old.

00:52:04.000 Oh my god.

00:52:04.000 Where was he out of?

00:52:06.000 I'm gonna look.

00:52:07.000 I know Archie Moore, who was a famous boxer before the Muhammad Ali days.

00:52:15.000 Archie Moore was...

00:52:16.000 That's like way back in the...

00:52:19.000 What? Oh, that's just sad.

00:52:23.000 The guy he's fighting does not look like he's trying to hit him.

00:52:26.000 He wins.

00:52:27.000 The old guy wins?

00:52:29.000 That's what the video headline says.

00:52:30.000 This looks like someone took a motherfucking dive.

00:52:33.000 Win over.

00:52:34.000 That kid needed money.

00:52:37.000 Yeah, this kid's not punching back at all.

00:52:39.000 He's just covering up.

00:52:40.000 This looks super sus.

00:52:42.000 Oh, and he just goes down?

00:52:43.000 Yeah. If I was the athletic commissioner, I'd have a talk with those fellas. 0.95

00:52:47.000 I'd be like, hey, what are we doing here?

00:52:49.000 Is this pro wrestling?

00:52:50.000 White Tyson.

00:52:51.000 36 years after his last fight.

00:52:52.000 Well, I do know that people have been offered fights That are fake fights.

00:52:57.000 You do know that for a fact.

00:53:00.000 100%. 100%.

00:53:01.000 I know people have been offered fights where they said, you will win the fight.

00:53:04.000 I don't like that at all.

00:53:06.000 I know there's celebrity boxing matches and celebrity fights that are like that where they make a deal.

00:53:11.000 Would you ever do a legit fight at some point?

00:53:14.000 No. I'm old as fuck, dude.

00:53:15.000 No, dude.

00:53:16.000 You're a chicken.

00:53:17.000 Spring chicken.

00:53:17.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:53:18.000 No, you shouldn't do that kind of stuff as you get older, I don't think.

00:53:21.000 I don't think your body's as resilient.

00:53:23.000 Even if you stay fit and in shape, you don't want head trauma in your 50s.

00:53:27.000 I know.

00:53:27.000 I've hit my head so many times in my life, I'm a little worried about it.

00:53:30.000 So Hopkins broke his own record by winning the IBF Light Heavyweight title from Tavares Cloud in 2013, and again in 2014, we won the WBA Super title from Bay Boot.

00:53:43.000 Shumanov at ages 48 and 49. That's fucking crazy.

00:53:48.000 So he wins two titles.

00:53:50.000 A title at age 48 and a title at age 49. Incredible.

00:53:54.000 Are those rigged?

00:53:55.000 No! No, no, no, no, no.

00:53:57.000 The way that he would box was super intelligent.

00:54:01.000 He was very defensively minded.

00:54:03.000 You didn't get clean shots off on Bernard Hopkins.

00:54:06.000 He was very clever.

00:54:08.000 And he understood boxing at a very, very deep level.

00:54:14.000 His footwork was always on point.

00:54:15.000 Never drank.

00:54:16.000 Never smoked.

00:54:18.000 Always took care of his body.

00:54:19.000 Ate only organic food.

00:54:21.000 Worked out every day.

00:54:23.000 Never got out of shape.

00:54:24.000 Just all discipline.

00:54:25.000 And so he was able to maintain his body.

00:54:28.000 Did you ever have that guy, Brian...

00:54:30.000 What the hell is this?

00:54:32.000 Oh, what the fuck?

00:54:33.000 It's not working?

00:54:34.000 Piece of shit.

00:54:35.000 These things die.

00:54:36.000 That is a piece of shit.

00:54:37.000 No way.

00:54:38.000 There it goes.

00:54:39.000 Have you had that guy...

00:54:40.000 I'm going to look ridiculous doing this.

00:54:41.000 No, you look like a man.

00:54:42.000 I think more of you now.

00:54:44.000 Thanks, man!

00:54:48.000 Joe said I look like a man.

00:54:50.000 Wouldn't that be funny if that's all it takes?

00:54:52.000 No, I did not.

00:54:53.000 Come on, bitch. 1.00

00:54:57.000 I think I have to fill it.

00:54:59.000 Yeah, I only got a corner.

00:55:00.000 Have you had that guy on who's trying to live forever, the vampire?

00:55:03.000 No, I haven't.

00:55:04.000 I'm really fascinated with that guy.

00:55:05.000 I like what he's doing.

00:55:06.000 He's trying.

00:55:07.000 It's kind of interesting, but he's doing a bunch of stuff that I would say most experts believe is not the way to go.

00:55:13.000 One of them is avoiding sunlight.

00:55:16.000 Oh, yeah.

00:55:17.000 You're supposed to get sunlight.

00:55:18.000 Sunlight is important for your body.

00:55:20.000 It's the best way your body produces vitamin D. It's great for your endorphins.

00:55:25.000 Sunlight is good for you.

00:55:26.000 This idea that you should be shielded from the sun because you're going to prevent skin cancer, it's probably...

00:55:31.000 I've talked to a dermatologist about this, and they were explaining that...

00:55:36.000 If you don't have resilience from the sun, if you're not used to going out in the sun, then you go out all in one burst and get sunburned.

00:55:44.000 He's like, yeah, sunburn is not good for you.

00:55:46.000 Yeah, he goes, you're damaging your skin.

00:55:49.000 What you should do is get accustomed to being in the sun.

00:55:53.000 So you don't get fucking sunburned.

00:55:55.000 And then be out in the sun.

00:55:56.000 Don't get cooked.

00:55:57.000 Don't spend the whole day out in the sun and get cooked.

00:55:59.000 But being out in the sun is actually good for you.

00:56:02.000 It's healthy for your body.

00:56:04.000 Yes. That's just one thing.

00:56:05.000 The other thing is the vegan thing.

00:56:07.000 I get it if it's for ethical concerns.

00:56:09.000 You've got this idea in your mind that animal life is more important than plant life.

00:56:13.000 And you don't want to contribute to animal death.

00:56:16.000 Okay, I understand that perspective.

00:56:18.000 But not from a health perspective.

00:56:20.000 From a health perspective, all the studies that show that meat causes this, it's all been debunked.

00:56:27.000 And not only that, most of them are these epidemiology studies where they ask people, like, how often do you eat meat?

00:56:34.000 Is it two times a week, three times a week, four times a week?

00:56:36.000 And the more people that ate meat, the more people you see diseases, the more people you see problems.

00:56:44.000 Problems. All these health consequences.

00:56:46.000 And so they go, oh, meat correlates to these health consequences.

00:56:50.000 What you don't ask them is, how did you eat the meat?

00:56:53.000 Is it a Jack in the Box burger with a fucking giant Coca-Cola?

00:56:58.000 Did you have fries that were cooked in seed oil?

00:57:01.000 Did you eat cake with it?

00:57:03.000 What did you do?

00:57:03.000 Do you smoke cigarettes?

00:57:04.000 How often do you drink?

00:57:05.000 Do you drink every night?

00:57:06.000 Okay. People that are more health conscious, especially if they haven't read into it enough, where they really understand what's nutrient dense and what causes problems with your health and what are the real issues with high sugar diets.

00:57:21.000 Those people, they hear meat is bad, so they say, you know what, I'm just going to eat vegetarian.

00:57:28.000 It seems like it's healthier.

00:57:29.000 I'm just going to eat lentils.

00:57:31.000 They're good for you.

00:57:31.000 They don't cause cancer.

00:57:32.000 I read about the China diet.

00:57:34.000 And so you start believing that.

00:57:36.000 But that's not really true.

00:57:38.000 And people have eaten meat since literally the beginning of time, and 95% of the planet eats meat.

00:57:45.000 There's a bunch of things that likely contribute to all sorts of metabolic diseases that people have.

00:57:52.000 I don't think regular meat is one of them.

00:57:54.000 I don't think a grass-fed steak and a fucking salad is gonna kill you.

00:57:58.000 I think the real issue is buns and fries and soda and chips and cookies.

00:58:06.000 And the people that don't avoid eating meat if they're not well-read about it, they're doing it because they don't give a fuck.

00:58:13.000 I'm gonna eat a burger because I want to eat a burger.

00:58:15.000 So you get a lot of that.

00:58:16.000 So in the people that avoid meat, you get a healthy user bias.

00:58:20.000 Because these are people that, even if it's not correct, I know people that truly believe that you can become a better athlete on a vegan diet.

00:58:27.000 I'm like, okay, but there's no pros who have ever done that.

00:58:30.000 No pros have ever gone vegan and been, especially at an explosive sport.

00:58:35.000 There's only like a few people out there.

00:58:38.000 Like there's a guy named Martin Bokole.

00:58:40.000 Do you know who he is?

00:58:40.000 Of course.

00:58:41.000 Martin Bokole from the Cincinnati Red Dogs.

00:58:44.000 No, you're making it up.

00:58:45.000 Martin Bokole is one of the best heavyweight boxers in the world.

00:58:49.000 He's this fucking enormous guy.

00:58:52.000 I think he's...

00:58:53.000 I don't remember what part of Africa he's from.

00:58:56.000 He might be Congolese.

00:58:59.000 He's a monster.

00:59:00.000 And he's a vegetarian.

00:59:02.000 Vegetarian. Fucking people up.

00:59:04.000 It's kind of crazy.

00:59:06.000 Like, one of the best heavyweight boxers alive.

00:59:08.000 Huge guy.

00:59:09.000 And he's a vegetarian.

00:59:10.000 It's an aberration, though.

00:59:11.000 In vegetarian, you can still eat eggs.

00:59:13.000 Eggs are probably as good as anything.

00:59:15.000 If you want to eat, like, one protein and, you know, simple, easy to digest, has everything, eggs are pretty fucking solid.

00:59:23.000 I eat eggs, like, every day.

00:59:24.000 I actually tried to not eat meat for a little while, a few years ago.

00:59:27.000 You need, like, a nutritionist with you to really make sure you cover that.

00:59:32.000 Yeah, you gotta get...

00:59:33.000 All your vitamins correctly, and then you gotta make sure you're not taking too many vitamins, and which ones are water-soluble, which ones are fat-soluble.

00:59:42.000 I just caught myself in the camera here.

00:59:45.000 I look ridiculous smoking this cigar.

00:59:47.000 You look like a man.

00:59:48.000 I like you more this way.

00:59:51.000 You gotta hide those things from people.

00:59:52.000 You shouldn't be able to look at yourself.

00:59:54.000 It's bad for you.

00:59:55.000 I love it.

00:59:56.000 I love that.

00:59:58.000 Oh! Joe just turned the camera off.

01:00:01.000 It's just like reading the comments.

01:00:02.000 Don't do it.

01:00:03.000 By the way, you know these young kids?

01:00:07.000 Let me go lecture them.

01:00:10.000 What about John Larroquette?

01:00:13.000 Are you ever going to get to that?

01:00:14.000 We'll get to it.

01:00:17.000 Let's not rush that story.

01:00:18.000 Let the podcast breathe for a second.

01:00:22.000 So these young kids now, I noticed this, women will do this, they'll be like, people say I light up the room. 1.00

01:00:30.000 This woman told me this.

01:00:31.000 Who? Ever says.

01:00:33.000 People say, I light up the room.

01:00:35.000 That actually lights up the room.

01:00:36.000 People say I'm funny.

01:00:38.000 But I've noticed they tell you compliments they got.

01:00:42.000 And I'm like, why is this?

01:00:43.000 Because for our area, you never say, like, I'm great.

01:00:47.000 People think I'm great.

01:00:48.000 You never would say that.

01:00:49.000 But now, this is my theory.

01:00:51.000 I don't know if this is true.

01:00:52.000 They've grown up on Facebook where people say, you look so pretty, and then everyone sees the compliment.

01:00:58.000 And now when they go out in the world and they get a compliment, then they're like, oh, I let people know my compliments.

01:01:02.000 Everyone sees the compliments.

01:01:03.000 That's probably exactly what it is.

01:01:04.000 That's my theory.

01:01:04.000 That's a very good theory.

01:01:05.000 I think that's dead on.

01:01:06.000 I'm writing a book about it.

01:01:07.000 You should.

01:01:07.000 Make sure you do the audio yourself.

01:01:09.000 I have no merch.

01:01:10.000 Yeah, I'm going to definitely audio.

01:01:11.000 You don't have any merch?

01:01:12.000 No merch.

01:01:13.000 You should have Caitlyn Jenner merch.

01:01:14.000 Yeah, baby! 1.00

01:01:15.000 Yeah, baby.

01:01:17.000 That was when I knew Comedy Central was doomed.

01:01:20.000 You and I were talking.

01:01:20.000 Yeah, I sent you what they cut.

01:01:22.000 Yeah, we were having a conversation.

01:01:23.000 You showed it to me in the Comedy Store green room.

01:01:27.000 In the green room in the main room.

01:01:28.000 You were telling me the struggle you're going through.

01:01:30.000 It was so stressful, that whole thing.

01:01:33.000 Well, you had this show that you were doing on your own that was amazing.

01:01:38.000 And it's one of those things like South Park, right?

01:01:41.000 Where South Park really works because they can do outrageous shit because you know it's not real.

01:01:46.000 Because they don't even look remotely human.

01:01:48.000 Yeah, your brain knows.

01:01:50.000 You, when you were doing the face swaps with like cell phone technology, you know, like...

01:01:56.000 What everybody can use.

01:01:58.000 It was obvious.

01:01:59.000 So something funny about it being clearly not Bill Maher.

01:02:04.000 It was clearly Kyle Dunnigan.

01:02:06.000 It wasn't Kim Kardashian.

01:02:09.000 It was Kyle Dunnigan.

01:02:11.000 It was the way you were doing it was super obvious.

01:02:16.000 Then the Comedy Central thing came along like this.

01:02:20.000 That looks ridiculous.

01:02:22.000 I didn't mean to have the beard.

01:02:24.000 Wait, play a different episode.

01:02:26.000 A different one.

01:02:27.000 This one's terrible.

01:02:28.000 Listen, no one's buying my book.

01:02:31.000 I thought I would read a lecture to wet your whistle.

01:02:36.000 Alright, we can turn this off.

01:02:38.000 If you want to put on a good one, put the good one where she... 1.00

01:02:43.000 What happened to her vagina? 1.00

01:02:44.000 I forget what it was.

01:02:46.000 Yeah. But they were all talking about something happened and she shoved a baby in her pussy. 1.00

01:02:53.000 Yeah, that sounds like a bad idea.

01:02:55.000 I was awful, girls.

01:02:59.000 For a minute there, I thought I was going to suffer the same fate as my nutsack. 0.89

01:03:03.000 Oh, jeez.

01:03:03.000 Yeah, baby.

01:03:04.000 I want to apologize to the transmission.

01:03:06.000 Yeah, did you save all of your clothes?

01:03:09.000 Yeah. Yeah.

01:03:10.000 The first thing I did when I saw the flames was grab my Fendi clutch and my Alexander McQueen stiletto pumps.

01:03:16.000 Then I ran back into the flames to get my Louis Vuitton alligator duffel, a bag so beautiful it demands attention.

01:03:24.000 My size 17 Jimmy Choo's and my dog Checkers.

01:03:28.000 But there was only enough time to save two of those things, girls! 1.00

01:03:31.000 Oh no!

01:03:33.000 The thick Sophie's choice was that. 0.95

01:03:36.000 What did you choose?

01:03:37.000 Is this what I do with my time?

01:03:39.000 Checkers is fucking bad.

01:03:41.000 Checkers is dead.

01:03:43.000 Yeah, baby.

01:03:46.000 That's what I'm doing with my time.

01:03:48.000 That's an old one.

01:03:50.000 But the fact that that's obvious made it better.

01:03:53.000 When they did it on Comedy Central, they used higher level technology.

01:03:57.000 And it was kind of weird.

01:03:59.000 It's creepy.

01:04:00.000 It has that...

01:04:00.000 Uncanny Valley.

01:04:03.000 Uncanny Valley.

01:04:04.000 Yeah, your brain needs to know it's a joke.

01:04:06.000 Like, obvious.

01:04:08.000 Like, that's an obvious joke.

01:04:09.000 Like, no one's going to look at that and go, what did Caitlyn Jenner say?

01:04:12.000 You look at that and you go, what is this?

01:04:14.000 Like, that's part of the fun of it, is it doesn't look real.

01:04:17.000 Yeah, it's completely ridiculous.

01:04:20.000 I didn't mean to have a beard.

01:04:21.000 That was just, I was being lazy.

01:04:22.000 I was, like, trying to make a joke.

01:04:26.000 By the way, I never did it.

01:04:28.000 I did impressions when I was younger.

01:04:29.000 And I was like in middle school, I would do them.

01:04:32.000 And then I never, I started doing like a manager was like, don't do impressions.

01:04:36.000 And then that face app came along and I look nothing like Trump.

01:04:41.000 The first one I was doing was Trump.

01:04:42.000 Yeah. Because I did Trump like years ago.

01:04:44.000 And I was like, oh, I can do Trump because my face is the opposite.

01:04:48.000 Stormy! Stormy!

01:04:52.000 Stormy! It's funny, I have the worst Trump.

01:04:54.000 I did Trump first, and it's the worst one.

01:04:56.000 Now everyone does a better Trump.

01:04:58.000 It was fun, though.

01:04:59.000 It was a ridiculous character, though.

01:05:03.000 That's how I knew Comedy Central was doomed.

01:05:05.000 I'm like, if you guys are fucking this up, this show is giving it to you on a silver platter.

01:05:11.000 Just get out of the way. 0.64

01:05:12.000 All you have to do is get out of the way.

01:05:13.000 You were working with Metzger, right?

01:05:15.000 Not at that moment.

01:05:17.000 Eventually. All you gotta do is get out of the way.

01:05:21.000 Just get out of the way, put a point of camera at it, let him, tell him you're supporting him.

01:05:26.000 Yeah, eventually there was a show on, yeah, I was doing, like, full-on, because that was, like, I was just kind of doing little videos, and then it became, like, I was crafting, you know, we would do, you were in one of them, Time Canceller.

01:05:37.000 Like, we had, like, crafted episodes.

01:05:40.000 I don't remember, what did we do in that one?

01:05:41.000 You played Becky, the nurse.

01:05:45.000 Where's Time Canceler?

01:05:46.000 Just to show Joe, I don't think you remember this.

01:05:48.000 You probably don't remember, but Time Canceler was like a full episode where no one ever was like, hey, we can make this.

01:05:56.000 And it wasn't dirty, and it got a lot of views, and Hollywood never was, they were always like, no, thank you.

01:06:03.000 Yeah. They couldn't figure out.

01:06:06.000 It is weird.

01:06:07.000 It is weird.

01:06:09.000 Well, it's just...

01:06:11.000 It's this weird marriage of comedy, creative people, and then business people.

01:06:18.000 Executives. That's the weird marriage. 1.00

01:06:19.000 And they, because they've had a few hit shows before, you know, we're Producing South Park.

01:06:25.000 But you don't make it!

01:06:27.000 You can't make it yourself!

01:06:28.000 So you have this idea in your head that you're a part of the process and you've got an eye for creativity.

01:06:36.000 Oh, that's right.

01:06:39.000 Nurse Becky. 0.69

01:06:41.000 You are really good in that.

01:06:43.000 Thank you.

01:06:43.000 Do you come up to that on stage?

01:06:47.000 To Nurse Becky?

01:06:48.000 Joe Rogan from the time canceling?

01:06:49.000 Well, a lot of people like to bring it up at the airport.

01:06:51.000 Yeah. Comes up there a lot.

01:06:53.000 Do you...

01:06:53.000 Do you have any, like, I don't want to be seen?

01:06:57.000 You just like people coming up to you.

01:06:59.000 How do you feel about that?

01:06:59.000 Most people are nice.

01:07:01.000 It's just people being nice.

01:07:03.000 Most people.

01:07:04.000 The vast majority of people just want to say hi.

01:07:06.000 They like what you do, and it's nice.

01:07:09.000 You know, because of you, a lot of dudes come to my show, which is great.

01:07:15.000 Was it mostly girls before?

01:07:17.000 It was mostly nobody.

01:07:19.000 It was mostly neither people were coming to my shows.

01:07:22.000 But now, it's great.

01:07:23.000 People are coming to my shows.

01:07:25.000 But it is, like, a sea of dudes.

01:07:27.000 Like, no...

01:07:28.000 I did a tour, and I started counting, like, are any girls coming to my show?

01:07:32.000 And the only ones that would come would be, like, my boyfriend likes you.

01:07:35.000 Something like that.

01:07:37.000 And, uh...

01:07:38.000 Yeah, I saw thousands of people I didn't see.

01:07:41.000 There was never, like, three girls came to see me or something.

01:07:45.000 It might be, like, one autistic girl.

01:07:49.000 No ladies. 1.00

01:07:50.000 Who likes to hear you say, yeah, baby! 1.00

01:07:52.000 Yeah, baby! 1.00

01:07:53.000 Yeah! Wait till this Netflix episode of Kill Tony comes out.

01:07:59.000 Oh my god, the wildest show.

01:08:01.000 That show is like a fever dream.

01:08:03.000 Wow. It's like nothing else is gonna be on Netflix like that.

01:08:07.000 Yeah. It was so fun.

01:08:09.000 We can't give anything away because it doesn't come out until Monday, so we don't want to give anything away.

01:08:13.000 Oh. But holy shit, was it funny.

01:08:15.000 I love, Tony's like, I like when comedians do well, because it's so much pressure.

01:08:20.000 Can you imagine the pressure these comedians have?

01:08:22.000 Oh, God.

01:08:22.000 It's like, could change their...

01:08:24.000 And there's nothing...

01:08:26.000 You know, when you're young, you don't even know how to make it in show business.

01:08:29.000 And there's just, like, one show that can...

01:08:31.000 This was a direct link, so it's like...

01:08:32.000 But it also works.

01:08:33.000 Like, there's guys that have gone from that show that have real careers now.

01:08:37.000 Yep. Guys like Cam Patterson, William Montgomery, these guys are going on the road.

01:08:41.000 They're selling out all over the place.

01:08:43.000 Oh, yeah, people love them.

01:08:43.000 David Lucas.

01:08:44.000 I mean, it's kind of incredible.

01:08:45.000 The fan base is rabid.

01:08:48.000 Yeah, he's made a lot of, like, careers.

01:08:50.000 They're selling out arenas this weekend in Nashville.

01:08:52.000 I know.

01:08:53.000 They have, like, the comedy baton right now.

01:08:56.000 The funny thing is, when someone doesn't do well, and it's, like, dead silent, this makes me laugh, and Tony will go, Holy shit!

01:09:04.000 Tony's the worst.

01:09:06.000 He's so mean!

01:09:07.000 He's like, holy shit.

01:09:08.000 He's so good at roasting.

01:09:10.000 Oh my god.

01:09:11.000 He's the best at it.

01:09:12.000 There's no one close.

01:09:13.000 He's the best roaster ever.

01:09:15.000 On that Tom Brady roast, he was a fucking savage.

01:09:20.000 Holy shit!

01:09:22.000 That Tom Brady roast was so important to comedy because it was the most watched thing ever in Netflix and it was the most unwoke thing that's ever been on television.

01:09:31.000 So it was like, it broke the dam.

01:09:33.000 And Nikki Glaser was really funny.

01:09:34.000 Yeah, very funny.

01:09:36.000 Jeff Ross was great on it.

01:09:37.000 Schultz killed on it.

01:09:38.000 It was great.

01:09:39.000 Schultz. Having something like that was a big moment.

01:09:43.000 You know, like something that's just funny.

01:09:45.000 Like, fuck all these stupid rules.

01:09:48.000 We're talking shit.

01:09:49.000 This is just talking shit.

01:09:50.000 Everybody loves it.

01:09:51.000 I think it seems like it's done.

01:09:53.000 It seems like everything is done.

01:09:55.000 Well, it's not done with some people.

01:09:56.000 They're triple masking right now as they're listening to this.

01:09:58.000 I can't believe this.

01:09:59.000 They're not listening to this.

01:10:00.000 They got a tie-dye mask on the outside.

01:10:02.000 They're kicking a Tesla on their way to the garage.

01:10:04.000 I know a comedian who still goes on stage with a mask and has it the whole time and comes in the whole time.

01:10:09.000 I won't say...

01:10:10.000 Puts it on when he's talking into the microphone?

01:10:13.000 Comes in with it.

01:10:13.000 Comes in.

01:10:14.000 Maybe he takes it off.

01:10:16.000 No. Yeah.

01:10:17.000 I think he takes it off for the thing.

01:10:19.000 People were doing comedy through masks.

01:10:23.000 Very funny.

01:10:24.000 That's one of the dumbest fucking things of all time.

01:10:28.000 You know what?

01:10:28.000 Maybe he has like an immune disease.

01:10:30.000 I don't know.

01:10:30.000 It doesn't.

01:10:31.000 Stay home.

01:10:31.000 It doesn't matter.

01:10:32.000 It's not helping you.

01:10:33.000 You're breathing into this fucking cloth that's an inch from your face and bacteria is going to accumulate there and moisture and it's probably going to be worse for you.

01:10:42.000 Don't you hate it when you're doing stand-up and you accidentally mouth it?

01:10:46.000 I think all the people.

01:10:47.000 There's been 15 comedians before you.

01:10:49.000 And comedians are disgusting.

01:10:50.000 Let's be honest.

01:10:51.000 We're all a disgusting group of people.

01:10:53.000 And you're just like, okay, I've got to just wait for this disease.

01:10:58.000 Wait for whatever.

01:10:59.000 Yeah, if someone's got a cold, we all have a cold.

01:11:01.000 That's one thing.

01:11:02.000 You're sharing a microphone with somebody who has the flu?

01:11:04.000 I know a girl who brings her own microphone. 1.00

01:11:07.000 Swear to God.

01:11:08.000 The stand.

01:11:09.000 Really? Yeah.

01:11:10.000 Doesn't Eliza do that too? 1.00

01:11:12.000 I don't know.

01:11:13.000 How's she doing?

01:11:14.000 I think she just released a special.

01:11:16.000 You ever see her movie that's like weird because it's like some of it's funny then all of a sudden it's serious and you're like it goes back and forth from mixed genres they call it.

01:11:26.000 You know what she's on that I love?

01:11:27.000 Righteous Gemstones? 0.86

01:11:29.000 You know what else?

01:11:33.000 Edie Patterson.

01:11:33.000 I love her.

01:11:34.000 I was in the Groundlings with her.

01:11:36.000 We would do sketches.

01:11:37.000 Edie is like the daughter or something.

01:11:39.000 She's so funny.

01:11:41.000 She's just weird and funny. 0.81

01:11:42.000 It's a weird show.

01:11:43.000 It's a funny show, man.

01:11:45.000 Like, I can't believe nobody told me to watch it.

01:11:48.000 Maybe they didn't.

01:11:48.000 There's too many shows.

01:11:49.000 I have a thing where I'm like, can you just not tell me another good show?

01:11:52.000 Too many shows.

01:11:53.000 Because I'm not caught up.

01:11:53.000 The Baldwins, you watching that?

01:11:55.000 No. Was it a sitcom?

01:11:57.000 It's a reality show about Alec Baldwin and his terrible wife.

01:12:00.000 Why would you watch it?

01:12:01.000 She's an awful... 1.00

01:12:02.000 Because I watch what women watch. 1.00

01:12:04.000 That's what I enjoy.

01:12:04.000 Does she fake the accent?

01:12:05.000 I'll watch it if she fakes the accent. 1.00

01:12:07.000 Yeah, she fakes... 1.00

01:12:08.000 Does she?

01:12:09.000 She is...

01:12:10.000 She doesn't understand the words?

01:12:12.000 Yeah. What is, how do you say in English?

01:12:14.000 Cucumber? Cucumber?

01:12:16.000 And he goes along with it.

01:12:19.000 Do you have that, her shushing him at like a red carpet?

01:12:23.000 I saw it.

01:12:24.000 Isn't it just awful?

01:12:25.000 Yeah, I'm talking.

01:12:26.000 You're not talking when I'm talking.

01:12:26.000 I'm talking, you're not talking when I'm talking.

01:12:29.000 Alex Baldwin can get like a really sweet, beautiful woman.

01:12:32.000 He's Alex Baldwin.

01:12:33.000 What happened?

01:12:33.000 He would yell, they would run away.

01:12:35.000 He would yell?

01:12:38.000 I mean, he would yell.

01:12:39.000 He would yell at them.

01:12:40.000 They'd run away.

01:12:41.000 Who knows?

01:12:41.000 Who knows what these two are like?

01:12:43.000 They both look like they're out of their fucking minds.

01:12:46.000 And I'm sure it's edited, but he comes off way better than her.

01:12:49.000 Maybe he's doing that on purpose.

01:12:50.000 Maybe that's a clever move.

01:12:52.000 Let her say crazy shit. 1.00

01:12:54.000 Don't check her.

01:12:55.000 Let her come off looking like a nut. 1.00

01:12:57.000 Maybe they planned it.

01:12:58.000 Maybe they have a wonderful relationship, and they said, listen, this is not going to sell.

01:13:01.000 She humiliated him.

01:13:03.000 Maybe you're right.

01:13:03.000 It'd go viral.

01:13:04.000 Listen, you are going to shut me up, and I'm not even going to comment on it.

01:13:07.000 Plus, I just killed a lady. 1.00

01:13:10.000 It does make you forget about when he killed that lady a little bit.

01:13:13.000 It's a good way to make you forget.

01:13:14.000 The other good way is you change your gender. 1.00

01:13:18.000 Oh, yeah.

01:13:19.000 That's another good way.

01:13:20.000 I mean, Bruce killed that lady with a car, baby. 0.65

01:13:23.000 That was Bruce.

01:13:24.000 Just Bruce.

01:13:26.000 That was like right after that.

01:13:27.000 Have you ever seen the footage of the car?

01:13:30.000 The reenactment?

01:13:31.000 Like, she was putting on lipstick or something.

01:13:33.000 She was very distracted.

01:13:34.000 What did I say about Alec Baldwin?

01:13:35.000 Hold on, there was one other thing I could say about that.

01:13:36.000 No, he was.

01:13:37.000 You said she.

01:13:38.000 You shouldn't say she.

01:13:39.000 What'd I say?

01:13:40.000 You said she was.

01:13:41.000 Please correct yourself.

01:13:42.000 That was back when she was Bruce.

01:13:44.000 She was him.

01:13:46.000 Oh, was she always Bruce?

01:13:46.000 What does it say in the Olympics?

01:13:48.000 Dead name.

01:13:48.000 What? Can you dead name in the Olympics?

01:13:50.000 Is that allowed?

01:13:51.000 Dead naming kind of went away, huh?

01:13:54.000 Yeah. That didn't work.

01:13:55.000 People are like, you can't kick people out of the social square for life because they won't accept this bizarre new thing you're doing.

01:14:04.000 There it is.

01:14:04.000 Bruce Jenner.

01:14:05.000 Still says Bruce.

01:14:06.000 Wow, look how jacked he was.

01:14:08.000 Oh, yeah.

01:14:09.000 Back then it was he.

01:14:10.000 There's that nut shack. 0.97

01:14:11.000 You can see the nut shack, yeah.

01:14:12.000 Nah. Did he have the...

01:14:16.000 I think...

01:14:17.000 I have no information, but I think so.

01:14:20.000 You're holding back.

01:14:21.000 Do you work for the government?

01:14:22.000 Eh. I know a guy.

01:14:24.000 I'll tell Trump to release the files.

01:14:25.000 So terrifically.

01:14:27.000 What a terrific guy.

01:14:28.000 Are we getting new files, Jamie?

01:14:30.000 Has anything happened?

01:14:31.000 What happened?

01:14:32.000 Oliver Stone apparently testified about the JFK assassination.

01:14:35.000 What does he know?

01:14:36.000 How does he know stuff?

01:14:37.000 He knows everything about it.

01:14:38.000 How does he know?

01:14:38.000 He's literally a warehouse of information on the JFK assassination.

01:14:42.000 Before the podcast, during the podcast, after the podcast.

01:14:46.000 He wouldn't stop talking about it.

01:14:48.000 Is it Terrence Howard information?

01:14:50.000 No, it's Oliver Stone.

01:14:51.000 He's a brilliant guy.

01:14:52.000 Oliver Stone can give you...

01:14:54.000 He could sit down and break down just from recall.

01:14:58.000 And how old is Oliver Stone?

01:15:02.000 Like... Complete recall of dates, times, who was involved, who they worked for before this happened, who Kennedy had fired, why they were on the Warren Commission report, what the Warren Commission report's objectives were, who was influencing it, who saw the gunshots in the grass, you know, how did they die in mysterious circumstances.

01:15:26.000 He'd rattle it all off, off the top of his head.

01:15:29.000 And he's like...

01:15:31.000 He tells Congress to reinvestigate the 1963 assassination starting at the scene of the crime.

01:15:37.000 Like, I'm telling you, man, the movie he did is, you know, great movie, Kevin Costner, wonderful movie, but talking to him about it is where you really freak out.

01:15:46.000 Like, this guy has been studying the JFK assassination forever.

01:15:50.000 And he thinks it was the CIA?

01:15:52.000 You know, no one knows.

01:15:55.000 And until you get all these files, no one's going to know.

01:15:58.000 And even once you get all these files, You're still going to connect dots.

01:16:04.000 It's not like there's a page.

01:16:05.000 Page 24. Mike did it.

01:16:07.000 Oh! Fucking Mike!

01:16:08.000 Mike was in the grassy knoll.

01:16:10.000 I told him, shoot that Irish cocksucker. 1.00

01:16:12.000 He's going to rob us.

01:16:14.000 No, there's none of that.

01:16:15.000 You're going to get...

01:16:16.000 Certain details that weren't available before for national security reasons or for whatever, but if they had made some sort of a declaration that Kennedy was a problem that needed to be removed, that would be as close to a smoking gun as you can get.

01:16:32.000 But they could probably get away with saying things like that in 1963.

01:16:37.000 You know?

01:16:37.000 Especially like...

01:16:38.000 People that worked at...

01:16:42.000 They were doing nutty shit in 63. Like, really nutty shit.

01:16:46.000 Like, that's the year, the same year as Operation Northwoods.

01:16:49.000 What's that one?

01:16:51.000 Operation Northwoods was this crazy idea that was drummed up.

01:16:55.000 It was a false flag idea that was drummed up and literally signed by the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

01:17:00.000 Like, they gave this a green light and then vetoed by Kennedy.

01:17:04.000 And what they were going to do is they were going to have a bunch of false flag attacks.

01:17:07.000 Like, they were going to blow up a jetliner and they were going to blame it on Cuba and they were going to arm Cuban friendlies and... 0.74

01:17:13.000 Bomb Guantanamo Bay.

01:17:14.000 They were going to literally kill American citizens. 0.80

01:17:18.000 And the idea was, do this false flag, blame it on Cuba, then we have to go to war with Cuba. 0.51

01:17:26.000 Kennedy was like what the fuck are you doing no and then there's the other one which is the Bay of Pigs so they informed Kennedy about the Bay of Pigs apparently they have informed him about it like late in the process and he denied them air support so the whole plan of invading Cuba the Bay Bay of Pigs was dependent upon air support they didn't get air support because Kennedy said no to it so all these What the fuck are you doing? All these people died that didn't have to die.

01:17:54.000 All these American soldiers died that didn't have to die.

01:17:57.000 And my friend Evan Hafer from Black Rifle Coffee, he had a very good point.

01:18:00.000 He said, like, if you wanted to look at someone who had a bone to pick, who was like a hardened killer, like, those guys who got stranded at that beach, those would be the kind of guys that would want to kill Kennedy.

01:18:11.000 Like, there's probably a lot of people that wanted to kill Kennedy.

01:18:15.000 You know, there's probably the mob wanted to kill him because they got, the mob got him in.

01:18:21.000 You know, the whole thing that happened with Illinois, like him winning Illinois.

01:18:24.000 Right, right, yeah.

01:18:25.000 Very shaky stuff, right?

01:18:27.000 Very shaky election.

01:18:28.000 So the mob got him in, and then his brother starts going after the mob.

01:18:33.000 Yeah. Like, hey, fuckface. 1.00

01:18:35.000 Like, what kind of deal is this?

01:18:36.000 And then you've got, he's trying to get rid of the CIA.

01:18:40.000 He wants to get rid of all these, like, he gives that speech about privacy, about having these...

01:18:52.000 Have you ever seen that speech about secret societies?

01:18:56.000 That Kennedy made?

01:18:56.000 No. It's really creepy.

01:18:58.000 He's talking about how secret societies are repugnant, and that he's essentially calling out the shadow government.

01:19:07.000 He's calling out all these people that are involved in these organizations, literally from like Yale, like the skull and bones that they're all in.

01:19:15.000 All these creepy frat boys join the skull and bones, then one day they wind up ruling the world.

01:19:20.000 It's kind of Harry Potter-ish.

01:19:22.000 It's bizarrely on the nose as far as what it is, but he was calling that stuff out in the 60s as well, and then they kill him.

01:19:32.000 And then you don't hear a peep about any of that stuff anymore.

01:19:35.000 And we will get to the John Larroquette story, just anybody listening.

01:19:38.000 Let's listen to Kennedy talk about secret societies.

01:19:40.000 I want to see that, yeah.

01:19:41.000 Secret societies.

01:19:43.000 Era secret societies.

01:19:45.000 It's a very creepy speech when you think about the fact that they killed him, like, less than a year later, I believe.

01:19:52.000 What about the back and the left?

01:19:53.000 This is what I heard.

01:19:54.000 I don't know any information.

01:19:55.000 But in Oliver Stone, he was like, back and to the left.

01:19:59.000 But someone was saying, no, your head would go, would do that because it, like, From the shot from the back, your head would, like, recoil back.

01:20:09.000 I don't know anything.

01:20:10.000 Well, we could look at that, too.

01:20:11.000 Let's hear it.

01:20:13.000 The speech that killed him about secret society.

01:20:18.000 The very word secrecy is repugnant in a free and open society.

01:20:23.000 And we are, as a people, inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths, and to secret proceedings.

01:20:33.000 We decided long ago that the dangers of excessive and unwarranted concealment of pertinent facts far outweighed the dangers which are cited to justify it.

01:20:46.000 Even today there is little value in opposing the threat of a closed society by imitating its arbitrary restrictions.

01:20:55.000 Even today there is little value in ensuring the survival of our nation.

01:21:01.000 If our traditions do not survive with it.

01:21:04.000 And there is very grave danger that an announced need for increased security will be seized upon by those anxious to expand its meaning to the very limits of official censorship and concealment.

01:21:19.000 That I do not intend to permit to the extent that it's in my control.

01:21:24.000 And no official of my administration whether his rank is high or low civilian or military Should interpret my words here tonight as an excuse to censor the news, to stifle dissent, to cover up our mistakes, or to withhold from the press and the public the facts they deserve to know.

01:21:45.000 For we are opposed around the world by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy that relies primarily on covet means for expanding its sphere of influence, on infiltration.

01:21:59.000 Instead of invasion, on subversion instead of elections, on intimidation instead of free choice, on guerrillas by night instead of armies by day.

01:22:11.000 It is a system which has conscripted vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly knit, highly efficient machine that combines military, diplomatic, intelligence, economic, scientific, And political operations.

01:22:30.000 Its preparations are concealed, not published.

01:22:34.000 Its mistakes are buried, not headlined.

01:22:37.000 Its dissenters are silenced, not praised.

01:22:41.000 No expenditure is questioned.

01:22:43.000 No rumor is printed.

01:22:44.000 No secret is revealed.

01:22:47.000 No president should fear public scrutiny of his program.

01:22:51.000 For from that scrutiny comes understanding.

01:22:54.000 And from that understanding comes support or opposition.

01:23:00.000 Why did we become so retarded? 1.00

01:23:03.000 Like, listen to how genius what he's saying is and how eloquently he's describing the problem.

01:23:11.000 People don't talk like that anymore.

01:23:12.000 No, we don't talk like that anymore.

01:23:14.000 And if we did talk like that, people would be like, what did he just say?

01:23:16.000 Yeah, I didn't understand a word.

01:23:17.000 I understood half of those words.

01:23:18.000 This is 1963.

01:23:20.000 We're dumber now.

01:23:22.000 Oh, yeah.

01:23:23.000 With more access to information.

01:23:25.000 Than we were in 63. And people think they're smarter because their phone, they think that's them, too.

01:23:30.000 Chat GPT easily.

01:23:32.000 I tried Grok, too, and it was really cool.

01:23:35.000 I kind of felt like, I don't know, you could just see liking your AI friend.

01:23:42.000 That's a problem with people.

01:23:43.000 It is a big problem.

01:23:43.000 Grok is saying some wild shit to folks.

01:23:45.000 Oh, I know they have that different kind of stuff.

01:23:47.000 Also, if you ask Grok if you were purely evil and you wanted to destroy society.

01:23:54.000 How would you do it?

01:23:57.000 And Grok essentially describes everything that's happening in society.

01:24:01.000 Yeah. It's like Idiocracy.

01:24:03.000 You know that movie?

01:24:04.000 Idiocracy? Yeah.

01:24:05.000 It's happening.

01:24:07.000 Idiocracy was very charitable in terms of their version of the future in comparison to what we're experiencing.

01:24:14.000 Yes! Because they didn't figure in cell phone addiction.

01:24:19.000 Yeah, you know what makes me laugh is when you look at a 70s movie about the future and what they got right and wrong.

01:24:25.000 First of all, we don't do the FaceTime as much as they thought we were going to just do it all the time.

01:24:29.000 We're like, no, we don't want that.

01:24:30.000 Another funny thing is the back of TVs.

01:24:33.000 They're like, TVs are never going to get rid of the back.

01:24:36.000 They're going to have flying cars. 0.69

01:24:38.000 Where do you put the stuff?

01:24:39.000 It's always going to be a big box.

01:24:41.000 Yeah. And they're like, oh, there's no more racism in the future.

01:24:44.000 And you have flying cars.

01:24:46.000 Where's the flying cars?

01:24:47.000 Yeah, no flying cars.

01:24:47.000 No racism.

01:24:49.000 There's no black people. 0.62

01:24:50.000 Watch the Jetsons.

01:24:51.000 They don't have a single black person.

01:24:53.000 Oh, that's true.

01:24:53.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:24:53.000 That was our show.

01:24:54.000 Neat George Jetson.

01:24:56.000 And then we'd be flying around in your flying car.

01:25:01.000 What year was that supposed to be?

01:25:03.000 That's a good question.

01:25:04.000 Let's take a guess.

01:25:05.000 What is it?

01:25:06.000 I'll wait.

01:25:07.000 Sorry. My cigar keeps going out.

01:25:10.000 Is that a sign of manlyhood?

01:25:12.000 It came out in 2006.

01:25:13.000 I shouldn't be doing this at all.

01:25:16.000 2006? What?

01:25:17.000 No. That's when it came out.

01:25:19.000 That's when the movie was released.

01:25:20.000 No, no, no.

01:25:21.000 Not Idiocracy.

01:25:22.000 The Jetsons.

01:25:23.000 What year is the Jetsons supposed to be?

01:25:25.000 Idiocracy was supposed to be 2020 what?

01:25:27.000 2005. Oh, 2005.

01:25:30.000 That's probably, again, very charitable.

01:25:32.000 We could have a pro-wrestling president right now, by the way.

01:25:35.000 Oh, yeah.

01:25:36.000 The Rock, you know.

01:25:38.000 I like that guy.

01:25:39.000 Are we allowed to say that?

01:25:40.000 I think they wanted The Rock to run.

01:25:42.000 Rock could win.

01:25:44.000 I went to the gym with The Rock when I was in L.A. Not a brag.

01:25:48.000 I'm just telling you the facts.

01:25:49.000 We went to the same gym.

01:25:51.000 Did you guys get pumped?

01:25:51.000 Yeah, we got ripped.

01:25:53.000 This was before he was really famous.

01:25:54.000 But there was this restaurant nearby, and I was there, and he got a stack of, like, ten burgers.

01:26:00.000 That's all he ate.

01:26:02.000 And I was like, who's that fucking guy?

01:26:03.000 He's an enormous dude.

01:26:04.000 He was just wrestling back then.

01:26:06.000 He could be the president.

01:26:06.000 He couldn't lift the weight I was doing.

01:26:08.000 He went from machine and he had to go down.

01:26:10.000 Of course.

01:26:11.000 It was kind of humiliating.

01:26:12.000 I found a year for the Jetsons.

01:26:13.000 Okay, let's guess.

01:26:14.000 Okay. I want to say 1998.

01:26:18.000 1999. I'm going to say 1999.

01:26:19.000 No way!

01:26:20.000 Yeah. For reference to what came out, 1962 was the debut.

01:26:25.000 2000, this year, 2020.

01:26:29.000 1999. What is it?

01:26:30.000 Apparently 100 years into the future, so 2062.

01:26:34.000 Oh, okay.

01:26:35.000 Not going to happen, though.

01:26:37.000 No. They didn't figure out phones.

01:26:40.000 Even Star Trek didn't figure out cell phones.

01:26:42.000 There was a walkie-talkie.

01:26:43.000 Kirk out.

01:26:44.000 He had to shut his little walkie-talkie off.

01:26:47.000 They did?

01:26:48.000 Yeah, Kirk didn't have the apps.

01:26:49.000 Oh, did you see this fucking warp drive thing?

01:26:53.000 No, but I love space and all this stuff, so I want to see this.

01:26:57.000 Yeah, somebody sent me this.

01:26:59.000 This is very, very strange.

01:27:01.000 I took physics in college.

01:27:02.000 Not to brag, but just telling you guys facts.

01:27:04.000 I bet you did, dude.

01:27:05.000 You know, I never thought of doing something else, but I love other things.

01:27:09.000 And for some reason, I just was like taking acting classes.

01:27:15.000 What did you like about physics?

01:27:17.000 I always...

01:27:21.000 I love, like, outer space and just science stuff.

01:27:25.000 I just always have, like, an interest in it.

01:27:28.000 And in school, I was very...

01:27:30.000 I didn't score well, but, like, physics I did well because it was, like, wasn't a lot of reading.

01:27:36.000 It wasn't dense reading.

01:27:38.000 What is the problem with you and reading?

01:27:40.000 Well, I never attested, but I did take Spanish, and she goes, you write all your B's and D's backwards.

01:27:47.000 So I'm assuming I have dyslexia.

01:27:48.000 How old were you, though?

01:27:50.000 I was in high school, but I always read.

01:27:51.000 My parents were cool.

01:27:53.000 They'd send me to speed reading classes.

01:27:55.000 They weren't, back then, in my day, they weren't like, you have a reading disorder.

01:27:59.000 They were like, you're dumb and you need to read faster.

01:28:02.000 Yeah, you suck.

01:28:03.000 Yeah, there was no test.

01:28:04.000 No one had dyslexia.

01:28:05.000 So dyslexia is like you see things backwards?

01:28:07.000 Is that what it is?

01:28:08.000 It's sort of like you flip things.

01:28:10.000 So I actually put a dyslexia app on my computer and it sort of like makes the font so I don't flip.

01:28:19.000 So you do have dyslexia.

01:28:20.000 I never was tested, but this app, I read much faster with it, so I'm assuming I do.

01:28:27.000 I took the medicine, it got better, so I assume I had it.

01:28:30.000 Yeah, that's kind of what it was.

01:28:32.000 Jamie, I sent you that warp drive thing.

01:28:34.000 I don't like labels, Joe.

01:28:37.000 I don't want to label myself with a disease.

01:28:39.000 I can read.

01:28:41.000 DARPA-funded researchers accidentally discover the world's first warp bubble.

01:28:46.000 Warp drive pioneer and former NASA warp drive specialist Dr. Harold G. Sonny White has reported the discovery of an actual real-world warp bubble.

01:28:57.000 And according to White, the first-of-its-kind breakthrough by Limitless Space Institute's team sets up a new starting point for those trying to manufacture a full-sized warp-capable spacecraft.

01:29:09.000 They added our detailed numerical analysis of our custom Casimir cavities.

01:29:16.000 I don't know what that means.

01:29:16.000 Help us identify a real and manufacturable nano microstructure that is predicted to generate a negative vacuum energy density such that it would manifest a real nanoscale warp bubble.

01:29:31.000 Not an analog, but the real thing.

01:29:34.000 In other words, a warp bubble structure will manifest under these specific conditions.

01:29:38.000 White cautioned that this does not mean we are building a fully functioning warp drive, as much more science needs to be done.

01:29:46.000 Alright, so if this was 2021, when I googled to find it to try to see what you were talking about, I found this article.

01:29:51.000 It just came out three days ago.

01:29:53.000 Oh, three days ago.

01:29:54.000 It's about an email, though.

01:29:56.000 Warp drive think tank adds Harvard astrophysicists and warp theorists to advanced planetary defense.

01:30:03.000 We're talking about warp drive as an asteroid collection or something or other.

01:30:07.000 So they're going to throw a warp drive around an asteroid to keep it from killing us?

01:30:10.000 I don't know.

01:30:11.000 Could have profound effects on planetary defense, advanced propulsion, and warp drive detection.

01:30:16.000 Maybe that's where asteroids are coming from. 0.99

01:30:19.000 Someone shot an asteroid.

01:30:21.000 Something's coming at their car.

01:30:23.000 They whacked it out of the window and it hit your car.

01:30:26.000 Yeah. You know what I mean?

01:30:27.000 That's what's happening.

01:30:27.000 We got the asteroid belt.

01:30:30.000 Smack that bird and it went into your window. 1.00

01:30:32.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:30:33.000 That's what's happening in outer space.

01:30:35.000 I wonder if that's what's happening.

01:30:36.000 I wonder if they see an asteroid coming and they just throw a warp bubble at it and it just appears somewhere else.

01:30:40.000 Not my problem.

01:30:41.000 That'd be cool.

01:30:42.000 It just shows up.

01:30:43.000 Jupiter saves us from all our little strikes.

01:30:46.000 Yeah. We do have a perfect setup, but then...

01:30:50.000 Okay, so this is no coincidence.

01:30:53.000 We are working on something historic.

01:30:55.000 When pushed for a timeline and list of goals for the team's newest project, Martyr?

01:31:01.000 Martyr? Martyr?

01:31:03.000 How do you think you say that?

01:31:04.000 M-A-R-T-I-R-E? 0.99

01:31:06.000 Martyr. It said, yes, they exist, but we can't disclose those details at this time.

01:31:13.000 He said, seemingly boundless passion.

01:31:15.000 Practically coming through in print.

01:31:17.000 You'll understand why once I'm able to show you.

01:31:20.000 It's rad.

01:31:21.000 Applied Physics is currently hiring.

01:31:25.000 Okay. It won't tell you what it is.

01:31:30.000 Great. So, this is what I've been thinking a lot of these fucking UAP things are.

01:31:36.000 Yes, I want to know what you think.

01:31:37.000 That's what I think.

01:31:38.000 I think some of it has got to be ours.

01:31:40.000 And I think if I had some shit that I did want the general public to know that I had, and I wanted to protect it from, like, espionage, didn't want enemies to find out about it, I would say it's not mine.

01:31:50.000 I'd say it's coming from outer space.

01:31:52.000 It's not of this world.

01:31:54.000 Yeah. A race to build the world's first working warp drive.

01:32:00.000 Jesus. Warp theorists say we've entered an exotic propulsion space race to build the world's first working warp drive.

01:32:07.000 All this is happening while AI is becoming sentient.

01:32:12.000 Did you hear that?

01:32:12.000 AI passed the Turing test.

01:32:14.000 Is this recently?

01:32:16.000 Yeah, it was an article from yesterday.

01:32:18.000 AI passes Turing test for the first time.

01:32:20.000 Yeah, it learns like exponential.

01:32:22.000 People think...

01:32:23.000 It's happening so fast.

01:32:25.000 You know what the Turing test is?

01:32:27.000 Yeah, to see if it can be passed as a human.

01:32:29.000 Yeah, if it passes as a human to everyone.

01:32:32.000 I don't think I could pass the Turing test.

01:32:34.000 Terrifying study reveals AI robots have passed Turing tests and now are indistinguishable from humans, scientists say.

01:32:39.000 Yeah. Bro, we're so fucked.

01:32:42.000 It is a...

01:32:43.000 I think the good things is it'll probably cure loneliness a little bit, like old people can go, robot friend, that's good. 0.99

01:32:50.000 100%, but it's going to be real weird, and it could...

01:32:53.000 Be complete population collapse.

01:32:55.000 No bullshit.

01:32:57.000 Because of the jobs they replace?

01:32:59.000 The jobs they replace, people having no desire to take care of kids or have kids, when you can give a robot girlfriend... 0.93

01:33:05.000 Yeah, robot girlfriend would be cool. 0.96

01:33:07.000 You also...

01:33:08.000 You thought about...

01:33:09.000 You're like, yeah, we're all gonna die.

01:33:11.000 Robot girlfriend would be cool. 0.99

01:33:12.000 Get a nut inside this robot.

01:33:14.000 They're gonna probably sell their vaginas separately to get the actual cash. 1.00

01:33:18.000 A robot girlfriend that you have to keep alive with cum. 0.95

01:33:23.000 It's the only way to keep her alive.

01:33:25.000 I got the one.

01:33:26.000 You gotta fill her up every day or she just gets narcolepsy. 1.00

01:33:29.000 She falls asleep.

01:33:30.000 What about meaning?

01:33:31.000 That's a problem, I think.

01:33:34.000 Robots be better at everything.

01:33:36.000 Even already just songs.

01:33:38.000 I write music just for fun, but it's a talent that doesn't matter anymore.

01:33:44.000 Nothing doesn't matter.

01:33:44.000 They write very good songs already.

01:33:48.000 AI. Have you ever seen one of those photos of the entire Milky Way galaxy and there's a little dot of the Earth?

01:33:55.000 Yes, it's very disturbing.

01:33:58.000 Now imagine meaning.

01:34:01.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:34:02.000 The blue dot.

01:34:03.000 It's all us.

01:34:04.000 It's all subjective.

01:34:06.000 Meaning is meaning to us because we think we're super important.

01:34:08.000 But if we get surpassed by a superior life form that we actually create...

01:34:13.000 Meaning. What does meaning mean anymore?

01:34:15.000 It doesn't mean anything anymore if you don't have emotions.

01:34:17.000 If you're the superior life form and emotions don't exist anymore because you don't have a human reward system that's built in through thousands and thousands of years of evolution.

01:34:26.000 You need it.

01:34:26.000 A job just did not have a job but an identity.

01:34:29.000 Yeah, the sun needs meaning.

01:34:31.000 That's why it went supernova.

01:34:33.000 It needed meaning.

01:34:34.000 Totally. And it just couldn't help it.

01:34:35.000 And it just like, yeah, see me.

01:34:39.000 The sun needed to be seen.

01:34:42.000 I felt so unseen as the sun that I had to blow out a solar flare and kill everyone's satellites.

01:34:47.000 Yeah. Meaning is our thing.

01:34:51.000 And we decide that meaning is important.

01:34:53.000 But objectively, for the universe, it's clearly not.

01:34:55.000 Oh, the universe?

01:34:56.000 No. We are a tiny little fucking spot in the universe.

01:35:00.000 So what does meaning mean?

01:35:02.000 It only means something to us because we need meaning.

01:35:05.000 What do you suggest people do, though, if they start to get, they don't have a good job, they have to do, the robots do everything, we have universal income, and you're just, like, I went on vacation for three days and I was miserable.

01:35:16.000 Yeah. You have to find something you enjoy.

01:35:18.000 Like, as humans.

01:35:19.000 But again, this is just humans.

01:35:21.000 With the robot fuck ladies and, you know, free food, there will be no more babies. 1.00

01:35:28.000 The robot fuck ladies will take care of you. 1.00

01:35:30.000 The robot fuck ladies will... 1.00

01:35:31.000 They're going to be a real problem.

01:35:33.000 But the...

01:35:33.000 They're going to be a real problem.

01:35:35.000 It's going to be like that...

01:35:37.000 Just look at how many incels just stay at home now and play video games.

01:35:41.000 Like the number of men who never have sex and the number of men who have no girlfriends is like higher than it's ever been.

01:35:48.000 Yeah, and then if you, like, fall in love with your robot girlfriend, she's going to be really nice to you.

01:35:53.000 A robot brothel? 0.99

01:35:54.000 Legal? Or no?

01:35:56.000 Ew! That's where you pay for a fresh silicone mold every time or something. 1.00

01:36:06.000 Legal, though?

01:36:07.000 Ew. Definitely legal.

01:36:09.000 Ew. It's legal to fuck your car, I think.

01:36:12.000 It might be.

01:36:13.000 If it's in the garage.

01:36:15.000 Yeah, not out in public.

01:36:16.000 You can't fuck your car in public.

01:36:17.000 You've seen that guy who fell in love with his car, that video?

01:36:20.000 That's not real.

01:36:21.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

01:36:22.000 It's the real thing.

01:36:23.000 Are you sure?

01:36:24.000 And he let them film him and he kept it together while the cameras were on him, for real?

01:36:28.000 Yeah. You ever think maybe they just set that up because it's stupid?

01:36:30.000 Well, if he's as good an actor as Daniel Day-Lewis, maybe, but this was very believable.

01:36:34.000 And he tells his dad and it's...

01:36:36.000 People fall in love with weird shit.

01:36:38.000 It's just like a fetish thing.

01:36:40.000 Bro, this is fake.

01:36:41.000 This is so fake.

01:36:42.000 This is TLC.

01:36:44.000 I love that.

01:36:44.000 It's a hot car.

01:36:45.000 This is like those people that eat toilet paper.

01:36:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:36:47.000 Yeah. Yeah, he loves it.

01:36:48.000 Nah, I don't believe it.

01:36:50.000 Unless he's got like a real brain injury.

01:36:53.000 That's good.

01:36:53.000 He got hit by a line drive when he was six.

01:36:57.000 Objectophilia. Oh, boy.

01:36:58.000 It's a disease, Joe.

01:37:00.000 These people have diseases.

01:37:01.000 I think that's a problem, having too many names for stuff like narcolepsy.

01:37:06.000 Narcolepsy we need a name for.

01:37:08.000 Just figure it out.

01:37:08.000 The people that were saying dyslexia, figure it out.

01:37:12.000 Stop falling asleep.

01:37:13.000 Stop reading backwards.

01:37:15.000 Figure it out.

01:37:15.000 I didn't feel dumb though.

01:37:17.000 I wish I had that name so I have a disease.

01:37:22.000 ADHD, that's a weird one.

01:37:25.000 Some people say that's not a real thing.

01:37:27.000 If I grew up earlier, I would have been diagnosed on some kind of spectrum.

01:37:32.000 I used to fly a kite to I used to fly a kite until I peed my pants.

01:37:36.000 That's a good move.

01:37:37.000 Nice way to meet the ladies. 1.00

01:37:41.000 Pissing your pants in a fucking balsa wood structure flying in the air behind you. 0.98

01:37:47.000 Yeah, I just loved it.

01:37:48.000 That's very Asperger-y, I think. 1.00

01:37:51.000 Well, look, if you want things that are extraordinary, you need people that are on the spectrum.

01:37:55.000 That's a fact.

01:37:57.000 It's one thing we should thank vaccines for.

01:37:59.000 There's a lot of fascinating people that have come out of that spectrum.

01:38:05.000 A little lead paint here, a little fucking pesticide there.

01:38:09.000 Touch it all.

01:38:10.000 Next thing you know, you got some inflammation and some really good math.

01:38:14.000 We grew up, like, we're near the same age, I think.

01:38:17.000 I think the worst food, like, when we were developing, the 70s food was just 80s.

01:38:27.000 I remember just having that macaroni and cheese microwaved on this plastic tray.

01:38:33.000 It was just all chemicals.

01:38:35.000 Chemicals, microplastics.

01:38:37.000 Peanut butter and fluff, you ever eat that?

01:38:39.000 That was like lunch.

01:38:40.000 I'm going to have a marshmallow for lunch.

01:38:43.000 Fluff or nutter sandwich.

01:38:45.000 And Wonder Bread, which is also...

01:38:46.000 Sugar. And we ate garbage.

01:38:48.000 I used to go...

01:38:50.000 I played golf obsessively for a while.

01:38:52.000 I would walk 18 holes.

01:38:54.000 I'd have a Snickers and a Sprite.

01:38:56.000 I'd walk another 18 holes.

01:38:57.000 I did this day after day.

01:38:59.000 I was big into routine stuff.

01:39:02.000 That was when I was growing.

01:39:04.000 So I may have been taller.

01:39:05.000 I just had carrots.

01:39:07.000 You just ate Snickers and Sprites?

01:39:09.000 By the way, this was like a country club.

01:39:11.000 We didn't grow up rich, but my dad...

01:39:14.000 Like, for, like, three years at this country club.

01:39:16.000 And the food was free.

01:39:17.000 Like, you had to spend, like, $1,000 a month or whatever on food.

01:39:21.000 And no one else was going.

01:39:22.000 My dad worked really hard.

01:39:23.000 And I was the only one going.

01:39:24.000 And instead of getting a lobster every day, we had Snickers.

01:39:28.000 It was, like, 13-year-old Kyle.

01:39:31.000 Damn. Yeah.

01:39:32.000 At least you got peanuts in the Snickers.

01:39:35.000 Got a little bit of protein.

01:39:36.000 Which isn't even a nut.

01:39:37.000 It's a legume, by the way.

01:39:38.000 I wish Snickers were good for you.

01:39:40.000 They're fucking delicious.

01:39:41.000 It's a great snack to take when you're hiking.

01:39:44.000 I found one in my car.

01:39:45.000 Lord Sandwich was a very conversant gambler.

01:39:50.000 What's a conversant gambler?

01:39:51.000 He gambled a lot.

01:39:52.000 He wouldn't leave the table.

01:39:54.000 Story goes, he did not take the time to have a meal during his long hours playing at the cards table.

01:39:58.000 Consequently, he would ask his servants to bring him slices of meat between two slices of bread, a habit known amongst his gambling friends.

01:40:05.000 Wow, so he just wanted to eat quick.

01:40:07.000 Hence the sandwich.

01:40:08.000 No one thought of that?

01:40:12.000 I guess, yeah.

01:40:13.000 Just because he's a gambling.

01:40:14.000 So he's a degenerate.

01:40:15.000 I want to promote my crypto coin real quick.

01:40:22.000 That's my merch.

01:40:23.000 Yeah, baby coin.

01:40:24.000 Yeah, baby coin.

01:40:29.000 Skyrocketing. You ever thought about making a coin?

01:40:31.000 It's zero.

01:40:32.000 Anybody can do it now.

01:40:33.000 Oh, Joe Rogan coin.

01:40:35.000 That'd be good.

01:40:37.000 Good way to rip people off.

01:40:38.000 Yeah. We thought about doing it, but we were like, what is it?

01:40:41.000 Do. What can you buy with it?

01:40:43.000 How does it work?

01:40:44.000 It's total gambling.

01:40:45.000 Kurt Metzger said it best.

01:40:47.000 He's like, it's just fucking gamblers.

01:40:48.000 They're gambling addicts.

01:40:50.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:40:50.000 Addicts. It's a total...

01:40:51.000 That's what the crypto coin thing is.

01:40:53.000 It's a bunch of gambling addicts.

01:40:54.000 And they're all gambling on these meme coins.

01:40:56.000 Yeah. And they're making money.

01:40:57.000 Some of them are making money.

01:40:58.000 And there's shifty deals and pumping dumps.

01:41:01.000 Yeah, it's really shady.

01:41:03.000 But it's kind of legal.

01:41:04.000 It's weird.

01:41:05.000 The whole thing's weird.

01:41:06.000 It is a little bit of like, if you fall for this, well, you shouldn't have money kind of thing, too.

01:41:11.000 How's that Trump coin doing?

01:41:14.000 Not good?

01:41:15.000 I think Bitcoin is low.

01:41:17.000 Oh, is it because of the economy?

01:41:19.000 So, are you paying attention to all this tariff stuff?

01:41:21.000 You're not.

01:41:21.000 No, no, I am.

01:41:22.000 I actually am very interested in finance.

01:41:26.000 No, I watch videos of finance.

01:41:28.000 I watch finance videos like every night.

01:41:30.000 I'm very into it.

01:41:32.000 I've actually learned so much because of YouTube because I can watch the things and I realize I'm actually interested in a lot of things.

01:41:38.000 Yes, I know something about this tariff.

01:41:39.000 It just dropped while we're watching it.

01:41:41.000 Ah, shit.

01:41:42.000 $9. It's actually doubled today.

01:41:43.000 It's dropping while we're watching.

01:41:45.000 It's dropping.

01:41:45.000 50% today.

01:41:46.000 These people are gambling.

01:41:47.000 Jesus. They're buying and selling.

01:41:49.000 So what is it worth now?

01:41:50.000 $9.37.

01:41:51.000 And what was it worth at its height?

01:41:53.000 $80. $80.

01:41:55.000 Wow. $75.

01:41:57.000 Get your Trump coin.

01:41:58.000 Very weird.

01:41:59.000 What did he make off that?

01:42:00.000 I'm very curious.

01:42:01.000 How does that work?

01:42:02.000 A billion, $2 billion market cap.

01:42:04.000 $2 billion.

01:42:05.000 Still? At $9?

01:42:07.000 So that's what it's worth now.

01:42:08.000 Does that mean all the Trump coins are worth $2 billion?

01:42:11.000 Is that what it means?

01:42:12.000 Collectively. Collectively.

01:42:14.000 So that was worth like $40 billion.

01:42:15.000 Look at the big spike in the beginning and then a bunch of people like, sucker!

01:42:19.000 That is a total.

01:42:20.000 That has to be what happened, right?

01:42:22.000 Like how many people sold the next day?

01:42:23.000 What did Trump make off that?

01:42:25.000 So there's two...

01:42:26.000 How many days is it?

01:42:28.000 Scroll your thing over there.

01:42:29.000 How many days do you have?

01:42:30.000 You have hours.

01:42:31.000 You have hours before a giant drop-off.

01:42:34.000 Look at that.

01:42:34.000 You have 12 hours, and then by Sunday, the 19th, it drops radically.

01:42:41.000 But I bet those first 12 hours, most people couldn't trade it.

01:42:45.000 But look at that first 12 hours.

01:42:46.000 That... Is crypto coins.

01:42:49.000 That's meme coins.

01:42:50.000 Not like Bitcoin, not like Ethereum, but like that is a meme coin.

01:42:54.000 That first thing, that explosion, that's what I expect.

01:42:56.000 That's garbage.

01:42:57.000 That's what I expect.

01:42:58.000 But I also, I support it.

01:43:01.000 Why not?

01:43:02.000 Yeah. You could do that.

01:43:03.000 Like, look, if you can go fucking play cards, if you could figure out a way to three card money people on the streets of New York, like, okay.

01:43:10.000 I used to play poker all the time.

01:43:12.000 I went through a phase.

01:43:13.000 I actually won the Borgata tournament.

01:43:15.000 I won a tournament there.

01:43:16.000 I had $6,000 in my...

01:43:18.000 I had lost my luggage on a flight weeks before.

01:43:21.000 I'm like, I'm not going to lose this cash because I didn't have too much money.

01:43:24.000 So I put like $3,000 or something in my suitcase.

01:43:27.000 I'm like, I'm going to put like $3,000 in my pants because I'm not going to lose this money.

01:43:32.000 And then I missed my flight.

01:43:33.000 So now I slept over at the airport with giant wads.

01:43:38.000 But you made it.

01:43:39.000 I made it back.

01:43:41.000 So why'd you stop playing?

01:43:43.000 Was it too much?

01:43:43.000 A waste of time.

01:43:44.000 Yeah, like, I actually really studied, and I, you know, was winning.

01:43:50.000 Didn't make a ton of money, but, like, I didn't lose, you know, a big amount of money.

01:43:55.000 I think I'm, like, probably after playing one million hours, I'm up, like, $4.

01:44:01.000 You know what I mean?

01:44:01.000 It's, like, a total waste of my life.

01:44:04.000 Ari was doing it in the early days of his comedy career.

01:44:07.000 He was making money doing that.

01:44:08.000 Yeah. That's how he'd make a living.

01:44:09.000 He'd play in tournaments.

01:44:10.000 Yeah, you can, especially in Vegas, people come into, you know, they're just having fun.

01:44:15.000 You can just be very disciplined.

01:44:16.000 He would go to those card casinos that were out in California, like Bellflower.

01:44:21.000 I know you're talking about bicycle casino, commerce, yeah.

01:44:24.000 They're like, hey, Kyle!

01:44:26.000 Kyle's back.

01:44:27.000 But I just, I stopped.

01:44:31.000 It's a waste of time.

01:44:33.000 Well, for Ari, that was literally how he made a living when he wasn't making a living doing comedy yet.

01:44:38.000 Yeah. He was that good.

01:44:39.000 And he was, like, really disciplined.

01:44:40.000 Oh, he was very disciplined.

01:44:42.000 Organized. Like, he doesn't do anything stupid.

01:44:44.000 Texas Hold'em is all, like, just kind of fold, fold, fold, fold, you know, and just, you know, really be really disciplined.

01:44:50.000 People just start fucking around and get drunk, and you're just...

01:44:52.000 Yeah, you have to understand how many cards there are.

01:44:55.000 If you have this, there's different guys.

01:44:57.000 You see the cards are on the table.

01:44:58.000 You have to do calculations.

01:44:59.000 There's the math of it, and just once you know that, it's like, and then it becomes second nature.

01:45:04.000 You know kind of right away.

01:45:05.000 And then there's ESP.

01:45:07.000 Yeah. Read people's minds, knowing they're bullshit.

01:45:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:45:12.000 I went up to Vegas once, and I was depressed.

01:45:14.000 I never get depressed.

01:45:16.000 But situationally, I was like, I'm going to go just take five grand.

01:45:20.000 I just drove to Vegas like a lunatic by myself.

01:45:23.000 By yourself?

01:45:24.000 Yeah. What time did you leave the house?

01:45:26.000 No idea.

01:45:27.000 I don't remember.

01:45:28.000 Daytime or nighttime, though?

01:45:29.000 That's important, because it takes four hours to get there.

01:45:30.000 Oh, it was like...

01:45:33.000 5pm-ish, it was like later.

01:45:34.000 I was actually about to do a show, a live show on my YouTube channel, and I was under so much stress.

01:45:39.000 You know, there was like editing and writing, and then it's just like all me, and I just was like, gonna, you know, all these characters.

01:45:46.000 I just was like, really stressed out.

01:45:48.000 And I didn't think the show was good, and I'm like, just didn't do it, and I just went.

01:45:52.000 This is on top of, I was, the pandemic, I was so isolated, and then it was too much alone.

01:45:58.000 You know, kind of thing.

01:45:59.000 For a lot of people, I think.

01:46:01.000 Yeah, I think that kind of fucked me up a little bit.

01:46:03.000 It cracked quite a few people.

01:46:04.000 Yeah. Especially the most vulnerable amongst us.

01:46:08.000 You know, a lot of comedians are like very kind of socially awkward already.

01:46:13.000 You isolate them.

01:46:14.000 Yeah, you're staring at me pretty hard.

01:46:15.000 LA. Yeah.

01:46:16.000 No, I'm not.

01:46:18.000 I'm not thinking about you at all.

01:46:19.000 I'm just kidding.

01:46:20.000 But there's some of us that just like kind of never came back from it.

01:46:23.000 You know?

01:46:24.000 I haven't had a steady girlfriend since.

01:46:28.000 I think maybe I got weird or something.

01:46:29.000 Did you?

01:46:30.000 Do you feel like...

01:46:31.000 I think I'm very normal, but I must be...

01:46:33.000 Maybe after the show, the calls will start coming in.

01:46:36.000 No, they won't.

01:46:36.000 Yeah, baby.

01:46:37.000 Yeah, baby.

01:46:39.000 You got bros watching.

01:46:40.000 After the Netflix thing, they might, but they want to...

01:46:43.000 No, I don't think I'm recognizable.

01:46:44.000 I don't want to say what you did.

01:46:45.000 I don't think I...

01:46:46.000 That was, by the way, what I had was ridiculous.

01:46:50.000 Yes. And it was like, I wanted to take it off.

01:46:54.000 Don't say anymore, because we don't want to give anything away.

01:46:56.000 Okay. Because it comes out on Monday.

01:46:59.000 What time does this come out?

01:47:00.000 This comes out tomorrow.

01:47:01.000 Okay. Yeah, so we can't do that.

01:47:04.000 Ooh, this is good, actually.

01:47:05.000 People are going to be like, oh, I got to see that.

01:47:07.000 Hang in there.

01:47:08.000 Yeah. That really is going to be like nothing else on that channel.

01:47:12.000 Game changer.

01:47:13.000 Yeah. No, it was phenomenal.

01:47:15.000 And the show is so real.

01:47:18.000 The show is so real.

01:47:19.000 It's like seeing people kill, seeing people bomb, seeing people have great moments.

01:47:23.000 It was, yeah.

01:47:24.000 It was unbelievable.

01:47:24.000 It's the best thing for comedy.

01:47:25.000 Because it gives comics, like, there's a real career path now.

01:47:29.000 If you could bang out a solid minute on Kill Tony, you'd get into the ecosystem.

01:47:33.000 It's also such a high wire act, because in doing a character, if you do SNL, it's, like, I'm sure very nerve-wracking.

01:47:40.000 But this is, like, SNL, but you have no script.

01:47:43.000 You gotta go, like, I gotta try to make things funny.

01:47:44.000 And when you're dressed up like a thing...

01:47:46.000 Shh, shh, shh, shh.

01:47:48.000 Can't give away.

01:47:49.000 Don't give it away.

01:47:50.000 I won't say, I won't say.

01:47:51.000 Yeah. But...

01:47:52.000 You're like everything you say they think is going to be...

01:47:55.000 Right. It's got to be a joke.

01:47:58.000 But it was really cool because right before we went on...

01:48:01.000 I'm trying to say...

01:48:02.000 I think I can say this.

01:48:04.000 You can't say shit.

01:48:05.000 No, no, no.

01:48:05.000 But like...

01:48:06.000 Tony will get mad.

01:48:07.000 But I think this...

01:48:09.000 You said the crowd didn't know.

01:48:11.000 No, they didn't know it was going to be on Netflix.

01:48:13.000 And it was so exciting when they found out.

01:48:16.000 When they found out it was the first ever show on Netflix, they went nuts.

01:48:20.000 The eruption in the room was amazing.

01:48:22.000 It was pretty badass.

01:48:25.000 And having that show at this club every week, it's incredible.

01:48:30.000 It's so good for comedy.

01:48:34.000 It worked out.

01:48:35.000 I remember when you were going to go to Austin, and I'm like, this Joe guy doesn't know what he's doing.

01:48:40.000 I was telling people that.

01:48:41.000 This Joe guy doesn't know what the hell he's doing.

01:48:42.000 Thank you.

01:48:43.000 And I was wrong.

01:48:44.000 Thank you for your vote of support.

01:48:45.000 I didn't think I knew what I was doing.

01:48:47.000 I was like, I'd bet against me.

01:48:49.000 I'd be like, good luck doing that.

01:48:51.000 But it was like, all these things had to...

01:48:53.000 It's almost like the universe wanted it to be made.

01:48:56.000 Because it couldn't have been made with just me.

01:48:59.000 It's just like, if it was just me and some money, you can't...

01:49:02.000 Yeah. This is why it can work.

01:49:31.000 A bunch of things Ron White had already be here.

01:49:34.000 He kind of lured me here because before the pandemic, he moved here.

01:49:38.000 And he was telling me how great it was.

01:49:40.000 I fucking love it.

01:49:41.000 I fucking love Austin.

01:49:42.000 I was like, really?

01:49:43.000 Texas? I don't know.

01:49:44.000 And I was like, I don't know if I could live there.

01:49:45.000 But then when the shit hit the fan and we started doing shows in Texas and putting it on Instagram, then all these guys were like, fuck that.

01:49:53.000 I'm moving to Texas.

01:49:54.000 And the next thing you know...

01:49:56.000 Sagura's here.

01:49:57.000 Christina Pazitsky's here.

01:49:58.000 Tim Dillon's here.

01:49:59.000 Shane Gillis moved.

01:50:01.000 Duncan moved here.

01:50:02.000 It just came in this wave.

01:50:04.000 Brian Simpson.

01:50:04.000 Brian Simpson was here early, early on, way before the club.

01:50:08.000 We were doing shows at the Vulcan, and we were all talking about making a club.

01:50:12.000 But the fucking actually do it is the weirdest thing.

01:50:15.000 When you go there, it's part of this weird illusion that you're living in.

01:50:20.000 It's weird fucking...

01:50:23.000 Bizarre hallucination you're having.

01:50:24.000 It's like a leap, like a field of dreams.

01:50:27.000 You built it, and then they came.

01:50:29.000 Yeah. Austin is now like a comedy town.

01:50:33.000 It's a huge comedy town.

01:50:34.000 It's a huge live performance town already, right?

01:50:36.000 Because there's so much great music here.

01:50:38.000 There's a lot of vomit, too.

01:50:39.000 A lot of puke.

01:50:40.000 A lot of homeless people.

01:50:41.000 A lot of great drugs.

01:50:43.000 That's what I hear.

01:50:45.000 I wouldn't know.

01:50:47.000 When are you moving here?

01:50:49.000 I know you hate the cold of winter.

01:50:51.000 I do.

01:50:53.000 And I think...

01:50:54.000 This is a more inviting environment for a Gullah Q anyway. 1.00

01:50:59.000 I know.

01:50:59.000 I have family back east, but I don't...

01:51:01.000 They can move.

01:51:02.000 I don't think they love me.

01:51:03.000 I'm finding out I don't think they love me anyway.

01:51:05.000 What happened?

01:51:06.000 They just told me they didn't love me anymore.

01:51:08.000 Outright. Yeah.

01:51:09.000 Wow. Which I respect.

01:51:11.000 Would you say first?

01:51:12.000 Huh? Did you say, I don't love you, first?

01:51:14.000 No, no, I was like, I love you guys, and then they just kind of shook their heads.

01:51:17.000 So I, no one visits me.

01:51:19.000 Take a hint.

01:51:20.000 Huh? Take a hint.

01:51:21.000 Time to move.

01:51:22.000 I know.

01:51:23.000 I think it would, my career would be better out here, for sure.

01:51:27.000 For sure.

01:51:28.000 You'd be around more like-minded people, and you get to understand the journey of Brian Holtzman.

01:51:33.000 I need to, yeah, read up on him.

01:51:35.000 You need to watch him.

01:51:37.000 Yeah. Yep.

01:51:39.000 There's a lot of clubs here, too.

01:51:40.000 That's the beautiful thing about this place.

01:51:41.000 You can get up, Anywhere here in town.

01:51:44.000 There's so many clubs.

01:51:45.000 It's hopping like every night of the week.

01:51:48.000 Yeah, your club, though, is better than...

01:51:51.000 I'm not just saying that because I'm here, Joe.

01:51:53.000 I'm not lying to you.

01:51:55.000 But it's better than the Vulcan.

01:51:56.000 I don't know if you've been to the Vulcan.

01:51:57.000 It's a great club.

01:51:58.000 Thank you.

01:52:00.000 Tough call.

01:52:01.000 Tough call.

01:52:02.000 They probably get run off from people who can't get into your club.

01:52:04.000 Yeah, they have a lot of great shows there.

01:52:05.000 They have great shows there all the time.

01:52:06.000 A lot of the guys from the club do shows over there.

01:52:09.000 They do it all the time.

01:52:10.000 Yeah. It's like that and then Brian Redband's room, The Sunset, which is right down the street.

01:52:15.000 That's only like four or five doors down.

01:52:18.000 And that place is packed all the time.

01:52:20.000 That place is killer.

01:52:22.000 That format on Kill Tony is just...

01:52:24.000 Perfect. So great.

01:52:26.000 Perfect. He's got it dialed in.

01:52:28.000 It's like a finely oiled machine.

01:52:30.000 It's like you or anybody who does things for...

01:52:33.000 He's been doing it for years.

01:52:35.000 Yeah. That was the rhythm of it.

01:52:37.000 Imagine how people come up with the concept of a show, and you would never come up with this.

01:52:43.000 You would never go, this is going to work right away, this Kill Tony format.

01:52:46.000 Well, it needed years and years of development.

01:52:50.000 This is the thing.

01:52:51.000 They did that show once a week for a decade.

01:52:55.000 A decade.

01:52:56.000 They never missed an episode.

01:52:57.000 They did it during the pandemic with no crowd.

01:53:00.000 Oh, really?

01:53:01.000 Yes. Yes.

01:53:02.000 They did Kill Tony in the main room.

01:53:05.000 With no crowd.

01:53:06.000 They live streamed it.

01:53:08.000 Oh, right.

01:53:10.000 Bro, they never let go.

01:53:12.000 They're like a pit bull on a sack of nuts.

01:53:15.000 Just clamp and never let go.

01:53:18.000 And now it's enormous.

01:53:20.000 That episode where Adam Ray played Joe Biden and Shane Gillis played Trump, I think that has like...

01:53:26.000 No, way more.

01:53:28.000 I think it's like 60 million people have watched it on YouTube.

01:53:32.000 That's crazy.

01:53:32.000 How many people, Jamin?

01:53:34.000 25. Ooh, done again.

01:53:35.000 Nailed it.

01:53:36.000 I lied.

01:53:38.000 Wow. I thought it was a lot more than that.

01:53:40.000 Well, there's probably also clips.

01:53:41.000 If you put it together, it's...

01:53:43.000 Maybe that's what it is.

01:53:44.000 Yeah. Because I was told it was like 60 million people watched it.

01:53:47.000 People just know that it's a highlight.

01:53:48.000 Maybe it's all of them.

01:53:49.000 But if you think about all the clips on top of that, I mean, it's a giant show now.

01:53:54.000 I think a lot of also there's...

01:53:56.000 Damn, it's only 25 million?

01:53:57.000 Why did I think it was more?

01:53:59.000 Maybe he's adding multiple ones where those guys were on together.

01:54:04.000 There's some value in having a live show now, which pops more than other.

01:54:09.000 Because you can tell that show is improvised.

01:54:11.000 Yes. There's so many moments that are awkward and don't work.

01:54:14.000 It makes it even more interesting to watch.

01:54:16.000 It's dangerous.

01:54:18.000 Yeah, it's also super stressful.

01:54:21.000 Also, with Kill Tony, you're literally getting crazy people and giving them a microphone for that.

01:54:26.000 I know.

01:54:27.000 Some of those people are out of their fucking minds.

01:54:29.000 Half of them are homeless.

01:54:30.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:54:31.000 Half of them are sleeping in their car.

01:54:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:54:33.000 A lot of them drove from Seattle.

01:54:35.000 One guy, well, I don't want to say the story.

01:54:38.000 Save it like the Larrakat story.

01:54:40.000 Just let it simmer.

01:54:41.000 What about that Larrakat story?

01:54:43.000 Now's the time.

01:54:45.000 Boy, this better be a good story.

01:54:47.000 It doesn't have to be.

01:54:48.000 It'd be funny if it's not.

01:54:51.000 I think you're going to get your wish.

01:54:53.000 On this, the only thing I've ever booked, a sitcom I ever booked, where I read, I did callbacks.

01:55:02.000 It was like four callbacks.

01:55:04.000 Finally, I got a sitcom.

01:55:07.000 It was like a reoccurring role.

01:55:09.000 I played this girl's boyfriend.

01:55:11.000 She did not find me.

01:55:13.000 I could tell she was like, because we didn't have a make-out scene.

01:55:18.000 We go to the table read.

01:55:21.000 Table read was like where the network come and you all sit around and they just laugh and everyone's having a great time.

01:55:28.000 So right before our table read, they go, Kyle, we got some new lines for you.

01:55:33.000 About like eight new lines.

01:55:35.000 They wrote like all new lines.

01:55:37.000 And I knew how my reading was.

01:55:39.000 We've talked about that.

01:55:41.000 And so I'm panicking a little bit like, okay, Kyle, you can do this.

01:55:44.000 Just read good, Kyle.

01:55:45.000 I'm thinking in my head.

01:55:46.000 Oh my God.

01:55:48.000 So... It's going around the table.

01:55:49.000 It's like, ha ha ha, it's killing.

01:55:51.000 Gets to me, my line.

01:55:52.000 I'm like, if I go to the store, then we can get it.

01:55:58.000 And then death.

01:55:59.000 Then it goes around the table.

01:56:02.000 Me. And then afterwards, I'm like, I think I'm fired.

01:56:10.000 And it was so much climbing a mountain to get this job.

01:56:13.000 And then the next day, I didn't get a call.

01:56:15.000 No one said you're fired.

01:56:17.000 So I come in the next day.

01:56:19.000 And I'm about to get to the door and the cast director's like, whoop.

01:56:22.000 And she goes, you can go home.

01:56:25.000 They're going to go a different direction.

01:56:27.000 I said that.

01:56:28.000 You can go home?

01:56:30.000 You can go home.

01:56:30.000 I got there.

01:56:31.000 And she goes, but you're going to Iraq.

01:56:34.000 That'll be cool.

01:56:35.000 She was trying to make a small talk because I was going to Iraq the next week.

01:56:38.000 Did you stand up?

01:56:39.000 Yeah, USO tour.

01:56:42.000 Kind of a hero, I guess.

01:56:45.000 No one wanted us to see it.

01:56:47.000 You can go home is the most fucked up way to tell someone they're fired.

01:56:52.000 You can go home.

01:56:54.000 They're going to go a different way.

01:56:55.000 And then I get to go to Iraq, so that was my prize.

01:56:59.000 You should have told them you can't read.

01:57:01.000 I should have said...

01:57:03.000 I'm dyslexic.

01:57:03.000 You're so nervous and you want to be like, I'm not a problem and I can do it.

01:57:08.000 But anyway, the show sucked.

01:57:10.000 The show sucked.

01:57:12.000 Did it?

01:57:13.000 Yeah. It was no Sanford and Son.

01:57:15.000 Well, I didn't even know about it until an hour ago.

01:57:19.000 You got that NeuroGum that you just did?

01:57:21.000 No, this is a...

01:57:22.000 I stole a pack of...

01:57:23.000 Someone got me a pack of NeuroGum.

01:57:26.000 You like that stuff, huh?

01:57:27.000 Well, you know, I wanted a little pick-me-up.

01:57:29.000 You want some coffee?

01:57:30.000 I went online.

01:57:31.000 No, I'm good now, but I was online, and I wanted to buy this stuff and try it, and I got scammed.

01:57:36.000 It was like NeutraGum, the same packaging as NeuroGum, and then I was like, this ain't the stuff.

01:57:42.000 These motherfuckers. 1.00

01:57:43.000 These motherfuckers. 1.00

01:57:45.000 Do you mess around with nootropics, though?

01:57:46.000 There's a lot of good ones out there.

01:57:49.000 Nootropics. Yeah, that's what Nootropics is.

01:57:50.000 I know what that word means, but why don't you tell the audience?

01:57:53.000 It's these things.

01:57:56.000 This is Neuromints. 1.00

01:57:57.000 This is the same company.

01:57:58.000 They make mints.

01:57:59.000 Just like caffeine?

01:58:00.000 No, it's like theanine, caffeine, a bunch of...

01:58:04.000 It's essentially nutrients that help brain function.

01:58:06.000 So it helps with your memory.

01:58:08.000 It helps with your verbal memory, like to be able to read.

01:58:11.000 You know, sometimes you're searching for a word, you can't find it.

01:58:13.000 This stuff helps with that.

01:58:15.000 Helping you read?

01:58:15.000 Yeah, not just this.

01:58:17.000 It probably would.

01:58:18.000 I think it's just...

01:58:19.000 It helps.

01:58:21.000 It's the building blocks for human neurotransmitters, as it's been explained to me.

01:58:25.000 Like, there's certain nutrients that, like, you know, like vitamin D. It helps muscle synthesis.

01:58:31.000 It helps a bunch of things.

01:58:32.000 It helps your immune function.

01:58:33.000 There's a bunch of nutrients that do different things in your body, right?

01:58:36.000 And theanine is a really good one for memory.

01:58:40.000 There's a bunch of alpha-choline.

01:58:44.000 Was it alpha-GPC-choline?

01:58:46.000 Is that what it is?

01:58:48.000 Acetylcholine. There's quite a few different nutrients that have been identified as to helping brain function.

01:58:56.000 And so the way I found out about this stuff, there was Bill Romanowski, the football player.

01:59:00.000 He has a company.

01:59:01.000 He's got really good stuff.

01:59:02.000 It's called Neuro One.

01:59:04.000 And it's like a scoop.

01:59:06.000 You just mix it in water and blend it up or whatever.

01:59:08.000 And I tried.

01:59:10.000 I was on a radio station in San Francisco and they gave it to me.

01:59:12.000 I was like, this is great.

01:59:13.000 Where can you get this?

01:59:14.000 It really does give you a little pick-me-up.

01:59:16.000 But not like five shots of this.

01:59:21.000 It's just like a little edge of focus.

01:59:24.000 Yeah, I could use a little memory booster.

01:59:27.000 I don't sleep well enough.

01:59:28.000 I'm really going to try to fix that.

01:59:31.000 What are you going to do to fix it?

01:59:34.000 You're going to be really proud of me.

01:59:36.000 I have a jiu-jitsu class on Monday, my first one.

01:59:40.000 Really? That'll help you sleep.

01:59:42.000 You'll probably go to sleep a bunch of times in class.

01:59:46.000 I actually do not have a neck for a chokehold kind of sport.

01:59:51.000 I'm 30% neck.

01:59:53.000 Well, that is a large target, but my advice would be just to take it easy, slowly at first.

01:59:59.000 How old are you now?

02:00:00.000 26. You look great.

02:00:02.000 I look like shit for 26. You look great.

02:00:04.000 Just go slowly.

02:00:06.000 That's my advice.

02:00:07.000 Don't try to go too fast, especially if you have been working out hard.

02:00:10.000 Have you been working out hard?

02:00:12.000 Not, and then no.

02:00:13.000 Yeah. The answer's no to that.

02:00:14.000 So that means, you know, your joints are not going to be the most resilient.

02:00:18.000 Don't try to do it all at once.

02:00:20.000 That's my thing.

02:00:22.000 By the way, that's with everything.

02:00:23.000 It's like, I'm going to run a marathon tomorrow.

02:00:25.000 Hey, hey, hey.

02:00:26.000 Have you ever run before?

02:00:26.000 No, I don't run at all.

02:00:27.000 Right, right, right.

02:00:28.000 Okay. Let's not run a marathon.

02:00:30.000 Let's run a mile.

02:00:32.000 Let's do one mile, which is a lot if you haven't run.

02:00:35.000 A mile is a lot.

02:00:37.000 If you do not run, a mile is a lot.

02:00:39.000 Yeah. But you can't just run a marathon.

02:00:41.000 And if you're going to do jiu-jitsu, start slow.

02:00:44.000 Don't try to do a two and a half hour session.

02:00:46.000 I'm going to roll with five guys today.

02:00:49.000 Learn an arm bar.

02:00:51.000 Learn how to tap.

02:00:52.000 Okay, this is a triangle.

02:00:54.000 I told them, give me the most beginner thing.

02:00:57.000 Oh, they have to do it that way.

02:00:59.000 Everyone's going to do it that way.

02:01:00.000 Nobody teaches you flying triangles the moment you get into the class.

02:01:03.000 They teach you beginner stuff like this is the mount, this is side control, this is the guard.

02:01:09.000 They teach you simple basics.

02:01:11.000 It's good for confidence, too, I hear.

02:01:13.000 Oh, yeah.

02:01:13.000 You can fight.

02:01:14.000 It'll help a lot.

02:01:15.000 It does.

02:01:16.000 But also, it's great for stress relief.

02:01:18.000 Because no matter what your day is, it will never be as stressful as some dude mounting you, trying to choke you unconscious.

02:01:26.000 Because if you fight that off and then you're done with your class, like regular stuff is like whatever, man.

02:01:31.000 Some crazy homeless guy, man, fuck you!

02:01:33.000 You're like, fuck you too, bye, take care. 0.99

02:01:35.000 You don't want to, you know, you don't even want to be in any, you don't have this desire to puff your chest out like a lot of people do.

02:01:41.000 It's like, stop.

02:01:43.000 Now you're proud of me for doing this.

02:01:45.000 Now you're about to be not proud of me.

02:01:46.000 Ready? It's girls class.

02:01:51.000 It's all women's jiu-jitsu. 1.00

02:01:52.000 I would not want that.

02:01:53.000 I don't want to get boners when I'm like, I would not want that.

02:01:56.000 You're a woman.

02:01:56.000 You're not going to get a boner.

02:01:58.000 You're a woman, Kyle.

02:02:00.000 Don't let anybody ever tell you different.

02:02:02.000 Thank you so much for not misidentifying me.

02:02:06.000 Don't let anyone deny your humanity.

02:02:09.000 I'm a ma'am.

02:02:10.000 What am I going to get upset about?

02:02:12.000 I'm also taking a pickleball class.

02:02:14.000 I like pickleball.

02:02:15.000 You know who plays pickleball every day?

02:02:16.000 Wait, let me guess.

02:02:17.000 20 questions.

02:02:18.000 It's the only time I've ever let you guess.

02:02:20.000 Every time I jump in.

02:02:22.000 I'm going to say...

02:02:23.000 Duncan Trussell takes pickleball.

02:02:27.000 He might, but that's not who I was thinking of.

02:02:29.000 Who do you think of?

02:02:30.000 Kid Rock.

02:02:30.000 He plays pickleball every day.

02:02:32.000 I love any kind of racquetball sport.

02:02:35.000 He goes, yeah, I get up at 8 o'clock in the morning, my fucking trainer comes over to play pickleball.

02:02:39.000 I'm like, every day?

02:02:40.000 He's like, every day.

02:02:41.000 I love it.

02:02:42.000 I want that kind of money where I can just pay out and come over and play pickleball.

02:02:44.000 Yeah, it was a trainer.

02:02:45.000 He's got a trainer.

02:02:47.000 Probably teaching him.

02:02:48.000 I bet he's a pickleball wizard now.

02:02:50.000 He probably knows how to do the secret moves.

02:02:52.000 Slice the ball.

02:02:53.000 I'll destroy Kid Rock at pickleball.

02:02:55.000 You think so?

02:02:56.000 I'll destroy that guy.

02:02:57.000 He's a clown.

02:02:58.000 Whoa. Kid Rock is a clown.

02:03:00.000 I can't believe you're calling him out like this on my show.

02:03:02.000 Dude, I'm just saying.

02:03:02.000 I don't think he's got it in him.

02:03:03.000 He brought Bill Maher to the White House.

02:03:06.000 I have that underwear on.

02:03:07.000 He brought Bill Maher to the White House and they had dinner with the president.

02:03:11.000 Are we in like a Mad Libs episode?

02:03:14.000 I hope so.

02:03:15.000 I'm scared of this tariff stuff because it's radical change.

02:03:18.000 I'm scared of radical change.

02:03:20.000 Well, let me tell you what I think and I don't know anything.

02:03:22.000 Good. We don't.

02:03:23.000 Both of us don't know.

02:03:24.000 This is a perfect time to speculate about the economy.

02:03:26.000 This is all his negotiating.

02:03:27.000 It's going to come down.

02:03:29.000 It's not going to stay like this.

02:03:30.000 The bad thing will be is if all the other countries go, fuck you, America.

02:03:33.000 We're not going to do anything.

02:03:34.000 We're not going to negotiate.

02:03:35.000 It's always a possibility.

02:03:35.000 Then that's a problem, I think.

02:03:36.000 It's always a possibility.

02:03:37.000 Also, you're not nearly as charming if people can't speak your language.

02:03:40.000 Like, Trump is used to being able to charm people.

02:03:43.000 He's very charming.

02:03:44.000 But if you can't speak his language, you're like, fuck this orange asshole. 0.99

02:03:48.000 You know what I mean?

02:03:49.000 Like, I don't even know this guy.

02:03:50.000 What is he saying?

02:03:51.000 And someone has to tell you what he said?

02:03:52.000 Like, it's not cute when Boris Yevanovich...

02:03:56.000 Has to translate in your ear.

02:03:58.000 It doesn't translate.

02:03:59.000 Mr. Putin, he says, these tariffs, this is bullshit.

02:04:03.000 It's part of the game.

02:04:04.000 He says it's a whole terrific thing.

02:04:05.000 It's part of the card game we are playing all together globally.

02:04:09.000 It's like one of the women from Poland, she's like, oh, you're committing a joke. 1.00

02:04:14.000 And you're like, no, you're not going to find this funny.

02:04:15.000 I can't tell you a joke.

02:04:18.000 Let me tell you first about the history of my country and suffering.

02:04:22.000 Let me tell you how many people stall and starve to death.

02:04:26.000 And then you tell me your cute little fucking joke.

02:04:29.000 In my village.

02:04:31.000 Yeah, I've had that happen to me recently.

02:04:33.000 I was like, I'm not telling you.

02:04:34.000 It's not going to go well.

02:04:35.000 Yeah, that's a tough one.

02:04:37.000 When people ask me if they don't know who I am genuinely, the easiest one to say is I do commentary for the UFC.

02:04:44.000 Oh, that's good.

02:04:45.000 That's the easiest one.

02:04:46.000 Because if I say podcast...

02:04:47.000 Well, people know you now.

02:04:48.000 Some people don't know me.

02:04:50.000 It's nice.

02:04:50.000 Every now and then I get a person who doesn't know who I am.

02:04:52.000 Like some old fella.

02:04:53.000 Oh, an old fella.

02:04:54.000 What do you do?

02:04:54.000 What do you do, Sean?

02:04:56.000 I do commentary for the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

02:04:59.000 And then they look at you sideways like, what?

02:05:01.000 That still could be a conversation.

02:05:03.000 Here's what I do on a plane.

02:05:04.000 I work with computers.

02:05:05.000 And they're like, oh.

02:05:07.000 That's good.

02:05:07.000 That shuts it down.

02:05:08.000 Finances, too.

02:05:10.000 Yeah, but if I want to have a conversation with someone, if I don't mind having a conversation with them, I just don't want to explain the whole thing.

02:05:16.000 I forget you do UFC commentary.

02:05:18.000 That's another great job.

02:05:19.000 That's a job.

02:05:20.000 You have all the great jobs?

02:05:21.000 I have all the great jobs.

02:05:22.000 But that's the only job I have.

02:05:24.000 That's an actual job where someone pays me.

02:05:27.000 Like, I show up, I work for somebody, I'm an employee, and I sign up.

02:05:33.000 Is there something you want to do that you haven't done?

02:05:35.000 No. Are you looking?

02:05:36.000 No, I'm not looking to do anything.

02:05:37.000 Do you have a goal?

02:05:38.000 No, zero goals.

02:05:39.000 What about retiring and traveling the world?

02:05:41.000 I don't have any retirement ideas, no.

02:05:44.000 Pyramids? You ever see those?

02:05:45.000 I want to see the pyramids.

02:05:46.000 I do too, but I think what's going to happen is you go, oh, there they are, and now you're like 20 hours.

02:05:50.000 I don't think so.

02:05:51.000 I've been obsessed with the pyramids since I was like a little boy.

02:05:53.000 Can you go in them now at all?

02:05:55.000 Yes, you can.

02:05:55.000 You can?

02:05:55.000 Yeah, you can go in them.

02:05:56.000 Okay. And if I went, I'd hopefully be able to get someone to guide me, like a really good person.

02:06:02.000 I could guide you.

02:06:02.000 You know how to do it?

02:06:03.000 Could you do it as Caitlyn Jenner, though?

02:06:05.000 Yeah, baby! 1.00

02:06:06.000 This is where the guy died.

02:06:07.000 Imagine we filmed that.

02:06:08.000 Yeah! He was buried with his dog.

02:06:11.000 Have you seen this whole controversy?

02:06:13.000 What is that?

02:06:15.000 I don't know, but there's a guy named Jimmy Corsetti.

02:06:18.000 He has this great YouTube show called Bright Insight.

02:06:21.000 He's been on my show many times.

02:06:23.000 Very smart guy.

02:06:24.000 And very reasonable guy.

02:06:25.000 And also is a huge believer that there's a missing chapter in ancient history.

02:06:30.000 He doesn't believe in it.

02:06:32.000 He thinks it ignores something that everyone knows.

02:06:36.000 There's this enormous water table that's underneath the pyramids.

02:06:39.000 So the pyramids, there's water underneath the pyramids, and Mr. Beast apparently on his YouTube thing that he did with the pyramids went into the water.

02:06:48.000 So they were all in the water, splashing around the water.

02:06:50.000 So this water table...

02:06:51.000 Yeah. So underneath the pyramids, there's water that flows.

02:06:56.000 That seems unstable to me.

02:06:58.000 Yeah, they should have thought to talk to you before they built that 5,000 years ago.

02:07:04.000 Was it 5, 10?

02:07:06.000 It's probably more.

02:07:07.000 It's probably a lot more.

02:07:08.000 If I had to guess, I think they're wrong.

02:07:10.000 I think the hieroglyphs that are on the wall that depict pharaohs leading back to 30,000 plus years is probably accurate.

02:07:17.000 I really want to know how they built those.

02:07:19.000 I really, I think that's a, those, you see some of those stones are so...

02:07:24.000 I don't believe aliens or I don't believe that happened.

02:07:27.000 I think people built that.

02:07:29.000 But how did they get some of those stones up there?

02:07:35.000 I was watching this guy.

02:07:37.000 I'll tell you who this guy is.

02:07:38.000 Shout out to him because he had a very interesting take on it.

02:07:41.000 I watch a lot of these silly YouTube videos that are all on ancient history and ancient civilizations and stuff like that.

02:07:49.000 But this one was really kind of interesting.

02:07:51.000 And this guy is...

02:07:55.000 I'll send it to you, Jeremy.

02:07:58.000 His name is Michael Button and he had a very good point.

02:08:01.000 And his point is that there's this linear path between cave person and what we are today.

02:08:08.000 But he's saying, but human beings in the form that we exist in today have essentially been around for at least 315,000 years.

02:08:17.000 And there's all these large peaks and dips in the historical timeline of the temperature of the Earth.

02:08:29.000 And in these peaks of temperature, you have all this growth and change, and then you have ice ages, and you have drop-offs, and then there's cataclysms and natural disasters, and he brings up the volcano eruption, the Toba volcano eruption.

02:08:42.000 But what he's essentially saying is, human beings in this form, with the minds that we have, have existed for 300,000 years.

02:08:51.000 Okay. Capacity.

02:08:52.000 But yet...

02:08:54.000 Only over the last few thousand years have we seen all this progress.

02:08:59.000 And he thinks, what he's proposing is, if there was a super advanced civilization a hundred thousand years ago, there would be almost nothing left.

02:09:09.000 So we're supposing that what we find is all that's ever been.

02:09:13.000 What he's saying is, if you imagine 200,000 years of development of technology, of tools, of agriculture, all the different things that could have happened in those 200,000 years, that you could have had an insanely advanced society 200,000 years ago, and then it gets completely wiped out, and then 115 to 150, depending on who you ask, 1,000 years later, you start seeing what we've seen in the last few hundred years.

02:09:43.000 Okay, I'm going to push back on that.

02:09:45.000 Please do.

02:09:46.000 Wouldn't they have some metal?

02:09:48.000 No. This is what he's talking about.

02:09:52.000 When you have enormous spans of time, all you have left is stone.

02:09:56.000 You have rocks.

02:09:57.000 Where does the steel go?

02:09:59.000 Just disintegrates.

02:09:59.000 It all goes away.

02:10:00.000 It all just gets absorbed by the earth.

02:10:03.000 You know, there's very little metal that is going to, like any forged, like if you have a knife and you leave that knife under the ground, just the earth will erode it.

02:10:12.000 You know, a few thousand years, it's gone.

02:10:14.000 Oh, so they probably had combustion engines and stuff?

02:10:18.000 Here, look, steel takes probably 50 to 500 years to decompose, depending on the type and environmental conditions, with stainless steel potentially taking over a thousand years.

02:10:28.000 So just imagine something that's 100,000 years old.

02:10:31.000 You got nothing.

02:10:32.000 There's nothing left.

02:10:33.000 So he makes this very interesting argument in this video that I never considered before.

02:10:38.000 It's just the timeline of human beings being human beings.

02:10:41.000 And he's like, why was there this great leap in technology?

02:10:46.000 And it is completely possible that there was great leaps hundreds of thousands of years ago.

02:10:52.000 But then the question is, what happened to us?

02:10:55.000 How did we get so far ahead of all these other creatures?

02:10:58.000 How did we get so far ahead of everything?

02:11:01.000 I know, you talk about like, we're like this much smarter than a monkey.

02:11:05.000 Oh, we have most genes.

02:11:06.000 Most of our genes are chimpanzee genes.

02:11:10.000 Most of them.

02:11:10.000 What are the things under the pyramids that are pillars?

02:11:14.000 What does that mean?

02:11:15.000 I don't know what they're seeing.

02:11:16.000 Some sort of satellite ground penetrating...

02:11:21.000 Is it a radar?

02:11:22.000 A type of radar?

02:11:23.000 Jamie? What are they calling it?

02:11:25.000 So they have these images.

02:11:28.000 The problem is also these guys are Italian. 0.99

02:11:30.000 So they're saying it in Italian.

02:11:32.000 And so I don't know exactly what they're saying.

02:11:34.000 I'm just reading the translation.

02:11:35.000 I want to hear their voice.

02:11:36.000 I want to hear if they sound wacky.

02:11:37.000 Everybody is talking in Italian.

02:11:39.000 It sounds beautiful.

02:11:41.000 But you could say nonsense shit with an Italian accent. 1.00

02:11:43.000 It sounds incredible.

02:11:44.000 Because I don't speak Italian.

02:11:46.000 Beautiful language.

02:11:47.000 So these images that show these feet.

02:11:51.000 Look, if it's real.

02:11:52.000 And that stuff is under the water table.

02:11:54.000 That's actually even fucking crazy.

02:11:57.000 Explain the collected acoustics from deep in the ground, including seismic waves, noise from human activity and photon interactions to map newly found shafts and chambers that extend more than 2,000 feet below the surface.

02:12:10.000 Biondi said these waves were collected by radar, specifically by analyzing Doppler centroid abnormalities, shifts or distortions in frequency patterns used to detect underground structures or changes.

02:12:23.000 However, Professor Lawrence Conyers, a radar expert at University of Denver who specializes in archaeology and was not involved in the study, still raised doubts.

02:12:33.000 He said photon interactions, this is science fiction, and frequency shifts of what?

02:12:37.000 He said we now have three different energy sources moving.

02:12:40.000 I heard that guy's a furry.

02:12:50.000 I made that up.

02:12:52.000 I'm sorry, sir.

02:12:53.000 But show me the images of what they believe that they've found.

02:12:57.000 If it is a real thing, if you really do have these...

02:13:01.000 I mean, the 3D images, they really stepped out of line in drawing it so clearly.

02:13:07.000 That's not what you see.

02:13:09.000 You're honeydicking me.

02:13:10.000 I gotta dig.

02:13:12.000 But if it is under the water table, that's even crazier.

02:13:16.000 So, if they're using the water, if the pyramid, there's a guy named Christopher Dunn that believes that the pyramid is a gigantic electrical power plant.

02:13:24.000 Oh yeah, like a Tesla coil kind of thing.

02:13:26.000 So if they're using the water for energy, and they actually have these columns that extend into the water.

02:13:34.000 That's even crazier.

02:13:35.000 That's an even more advanced civilization than just building these columns.

02:13:39.000 Well, we gotta dig.

02:13:40.000 Why don't we start digging there?

02:13:42.000 Me and you.

02:13:43.000 How many shovels do you think we need? 0.89

02:13:46.000 Should we be safe?

02:13:47.000 Yeah, definitely get four.

02:13:50.000 For sure.

02:13:52.000 Jamie's back goes out if he digs all day, though.

02:13:54.000 That golf swing's gonna hurt his back.

02:13:57.000 I'm a little worried about that.

02:13:58.000 That's a serious golf swing.

02:13:59.000 You're a little jealous, right?

02:14:00.000 You're a little jealous.

02:14:01.000 I heard a nice pop.

02:14:02.000 You're a little jealous.

02:14:03.000 I felt it from you.

02:14:04.000 I'm a little jealous.

02:14:05.000 Definitely jealous of his equipment.

02:14:07.000 You heard that whack, and you're like, ooh, that's going far.

02:14:10.000 What's your handicap, Jamie?

02:14:11.000 I think people want to know.

02:14:12.000 Oof. Oof. 0.99

02:14:14.000 Yeah, I mean, what was yours when you were playing all the time?

02:14:16.000 Oh, that's a...

02:14:16.000 He diverted you.

02:14:17.000 I won the...

02:14:18.000 Turn the question around on you.

02:14:19.000 I know.

02:14:19.000 I don't want to be judged.

02:14:20.000 I was...

02:14:21.000 First of all, this is not...

02:14:22.000 I know it seems like I've bragged a lot on this show, but this is a fact.

02:14:25.000 I was the...

02:14:26.000 Ashton Valley Country Club Junior Golf Champion.

02:14:29.000 So you were probably three or four when you were there?

02:14:31.000 Maybe better even?

02:14:32.000 No. I think there was like five kids in the country.

02:14:37.000 What's your handicap?

02:14:38.000 Now, I'll shoot like a 95. I was probably like 80 when I was a kid.

02:14:45.000 So that's like eight-ish.

02:14:48.000 85. Maybe 10. 10 handicap?

02:14:52.000 Is that good, Jamie?

02:14:53.000 Yeah, that was really good.

02:14:54.000 What's yours?

02:14:54.000 Probably, it's 20. 20. Jamie's got a line drive that'll fuck you up, though.

02:14:59.000 No, I know.

02:15:00.000 I heard a thwack in that room.

02:15:02.000 What's the furthest you've ever driven the ball, Jamie?

02:15:04.000 I said that wind conditions coming to play there, Joe.

02:15:07.000 Right. No, no, no, no.

02:15:08.000 I go for ball.

02:15:09.000 I'm going for ball speed right now, I think, and I've gotten over 160 before.

02:15:13.000 Damn. But that's only like one part of the equation.

02:15:16.000 Is that world class?

02:15:18.000 It's pretty high.

02:15:19.000 That's fast as fuck.

02:15:20.000 160 miles an hour?

02:15:22.000 That's crazy.

02:15:22.000 Most people who play golf don't break 100, so you're already in the top 5-10% or something.

02:15:28.000 Wow. But that's what you're obsessed with, right?

02:15:31.000 Sure, I was just trying to beat my friends, really.

02:15:34.000 You play for money?

02:15:36.000 Golf's fun with money.

02:15:37.000 If I go with most people here, they're only playing for money.

02:15:40.000 Oh, so fun.

02:15:41.000 Yeah, a lot.

02:15:42.000 I can't get addicted to that game.

02:15:43.000 You just didn't like golf?

02:15:45.000 No, I never played it.

02:15:46.000 You've never tried it?

02:15:47.000 No. What do you mean?

02:15:49.000 I never played it.

02:15:50.000 How could you not even try it?

02:15:51.000 Because I'm scared of games.

02:15:52.000 I get addicted to games.

02:15:53.000 I don't have any time.

02:15:55.000 You're scared of games.

02:15:56.000 This is a big thing you're admitting now.

02:15:58.000 No, legitimately.

02:15:59.000 What about chess?

02:16:00.000 Do you play chess?

02:16:00.000 I love chess.

02:16:01.000 No, it's the same thing.

02:16:02.000 No one will play with me.

02:16:03.000 Are you that good?

02:16:04.000 Because you're on the spectrum.

02:16:05.000 Probably really good at it.

02:16:07.000 Lately I've been playing a lot online.

02:16:09.000 I play.

02:16:09.000 Come to the Mothership.

02:16:11.000 Tony plays all the time.

02:16:12.000 He does?

02:16:12.000 Yeah, Tony and Brian Simpson, they play all the time.

02:16:14.000 Tony's pretty good.

02:16:14.000 Oh, I'd love to play.

02:16:16.000 Tony's a smart fucker.

02:16:17.000 Yeah. He's a smart fucker.

02:16:18.000 He's good at chess.

02:16:19.000 He's probably a little Spectrum-y himself.

02:16:21.000 Yeah, we're all Spectrum-y.

02:16:22.000 A little bit.

02:16:23.000 Yeah, to be that quick with gross.

02:16:25.000 But I feel about chess the same way.

02:16:27.000 Chess maybe even more so because I can play on my computer anytime I want.

02:16:31.000 I can't do that.

02:16:32.000 I can't have that in my life.

02:16:33.000 Why not?

02:16:34.000 I mean, listen.

02:16:36.000 Golf is such a great...

02:16:38.000 Listen, I know I would love it.

02:16:41.000 Ron White loves it.

02:16:43.000 Jamie loves it.

02:16:44.000 Tony loves it.

02:16:45.000 They love it.

02:16:45.000 Tony just started playing when he moved to Austin.

02:16:47.000 He fucking loves golf.

02:16:49.000 I don't play much at all, but you're just afraid that you're going to get too into it.

02:16:53.000 That's what it sounds like.

02:16:54.000 Oh, 100%.

02:16:55.000 I have a little switch that goes off and then I become obsessed with things.

02:17:00.000 That's how you get stuff done.

02:17:04.000 There's a game right now that I have it with.

02:17:05.000 It's pool.

02:17:06.000 I play pool pretty well.

02:17:07.000 You don't remember this, but I played pool with you at your old studio, and I don't think I hit any balls.

02:17:14.000 I think you just went and you played pool.

02:17:17.000 Yeah, I just ran out.

02:17:18.000 And you're just like, we're done.

02:17:20.000 The game's over.

02:17:21.000 I was like, oh, that was fun.

02:17:22.000 That's the fucked up thing about pool.

02:17:24.000 If a guy breaks first, he could just break and run out ten racks in a row.

02:17:28.000 It was pretty rude of you.

02:17:29.000 I was a guest.

02:17:30.000 I'm rude.

02:17:31.000 With pool.

02:17:31.000 I won't let anybody win.

02:17:33.000 You had two balls left.

02:17:35.000 I had all my balls left.

02:17:36.000 You could have been like, just miss a little bit, let me go.

02:17:39.000 You don't want that in your life.

02:17:41.000 No, I do.

02:17:42.000 When I was younger, I didn't want cheating.

02:17:43.000 You should have a boxing match like that old guy had.

02:17:47.000 I've hit my head too many times.

02:17:48.000 Hire some kid to fucking take a beating. 1.00

02:17:50.000 That guy didn't have any fear that he was going to get punched back.

02:17:53.000 Did you notice?

02:17:54.000 That was way...

02:17:56.000 It was like poorly rigged.

02:17:58.000 There's some good fake fights online.

02:17:59.000 There's this one guy who's a politician in Mexico and he got like fake muscles.

02:18:04.000 So he had like those fake muscles and then he had a fake fight with the fake muscles.

02:18:09.000 And it's like a super obvious fake fight.

02:18:11.000 You watch it like, what the fuck am I looking at?

02:18:13.000 This is nuts.

02:18:14.000 They have that giant bicep. 0.99

02:18:16.000 Weird, like, bulging, like, their oil.

02:18:19.000 They shove oil into their skin.

02:18:21.000 And it makes your, like, how does that, how bad does that feel?

02:18:25.000 And they forget to do their legs.

02:18:27.000 You gotta balance that out.

02:18:30.000 Well, people get their legs oiled up, too.

02:18:32.000 I'm going to get oiled up, and I'm going to get huge.

02:18:34.000 I'm going to do jiu-jitsu.

02:18:35.000 From here on in, my life is going to change.

02:18:38.000 This is a good place to do that.

02:18:39.000 Then you need to move here.

02:18:41.000 A lot of jiu-jitsu here, too.

02:18:42.000 I'm going to be out here a lot, I think.

02:18:43.000 I really do think I will be out here a lot.

02:18:45.000 I'm already out here.

02:18:46.000 I've been out here like four times in the past three months.

02:18:48.000 I know.

02:18:49.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:18:49.000 Just get a fucking place.

02:18:51.000 No one loves me in New York.

02:18:52.000 I know.

02:18:53.000 No one loves me.

02:18:54.000 We love you here.

02:18:55.000 I mean, I do feel more welcomed here.

02:18:59.000 So, yeah.

02:19:00.000 There's golf.

02:19:00.000 Golf can get me out here.

02:19:02.000 If Tony plays golf...

02:19:03.000 Oh, they all play golf.

02:19:04.000 Everybody plays golf out here.

02:19:06.000 All right.

02:19:07.000 You're in.

02:19:09.000 I have to go to the bathroom so bad.

02:19:11.000 Let's wrap this bitch up. 1.00

02:19:12.000 Let's wrap this up.

02:19:13.000 I can't concentrate.

02:19:15.000 I can see it in your face.

02:19:16.000 I have to pee so bad.

02:19:17.000 I know, it's the worst.

02:19:18.000 You can't form sentences.

02:19:20.000 Okay, we'll wrap it up.

02:19:21.000 Tell everybody how they can find you.

02:19:22.000 Get my crypto coin at...

02:19:24.000 No, kyle.com.

02:19:26.000 I'm on tour.

02:19:26.000 Boston, Vermont, Philly.

02:19:29.000 Vegas. And Instagram.

02:19:31.000 There it is.

02:19:32.000 Live dates.

02:19:33.000 That's with that.

02:19:34.000 Look at that pic.

02:19:35.000 That's your flamethrower.

02:19:36.000 Oh, that's my flamethrower.

02:19:37.000 That's Elon's not a flamethrower.

02:19:38.000 Yeah. Yeah.

02:19:40.000 Okay. And your Instagram is?

02:19:44.000 Kyle. Instagram is Kyle Donovan.

02:19:46.000 And you may or may not be the star of Monday Night's Kill Tony.

02:19:49.000 May or may not.

02:19:50.000 You don't know.

02:19:51.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Kyle Donovan.

02:19:52.000 Thank you.

02:19:53.000 Thank you, brother.

02:19:54.000 That was fun.

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 05, 2025

Joe Rogan Experience #2300 - Kyle Dunnigan

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Transcript