The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2305

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!

00:00:12.000 Let's go!

00:00:14.000 How are you, fella?

00:00:15.000 Good to see you.

00:00:16.000 Dude, you're fucking dripping with diamonds, sir.

00:00:19.000 What's going on?

00:00:19.000 The road's been good to you.

00:00:20.000 Look at you.

00:00:21.000 I'm just so empty inside.

00:00:23.000 This fills the hole for like...

00:00:26.000 Like, it's like, you know, you go buy, you're like, oh, and then you get home and go, I hate my life.

00:00:30.000 I hate my insides and no spirituality.

00:00:34.000 But I get to look at my just emptiness on, you know.

00:00:38.000 Dripping with wrapper diamonds.

00:00:39.000 I've ran out of, I've ran out of shit to buy.

00:00:44.000 So, like, there's nothing.

00:00:46.000 What kind of car are you driving?

00:00:47.000 A Lexus IS350.

00:00:49.000 Oh, those are fun.

00:00:50.000 It's nice.

00:00:50.000 That's a good car.

00:00:51.000 Bulletproof. Never, never going to break.

00:00:53.000 And it's so fast.

00:00:55.000 Yeah. You know, it's...

00:00:56.000 But this is how fucked it.

00:00:58.000 Okay, so the two...

00:01:00.000 Okay, I had the Lexus 350, right?

00:01:03.000 Right. Or whatever.

00:01:04.000 And I had it for seven months, maybe.

00:01:07.000 I went in to get it serviced, and I was kind of depressed, so I bought a different car.

00:01:15.000 I said, this is fucked up.

00:01:18.000 So I bought the...

00:01:20.000 IS 350.

00:01:21.000 I had the other car for seven fucking months.

00:01:23.000 I go, you know what?

00:01:24.000 That one looks cool.

00:01:25.000 So I bought that.

00:01:27.000 And then I went in to get it, that service.

00:01:31.000 And it was the exact same car a year later.

00:01:34.000 But I liked the newer color.

00:01:36.000 The newer gray.

00:01:38.000 That gray, that whatever weird gray.

00:01:41.000 Like a slate gray?

00:01:41.000 Yeah. It looks good, I said.

00:01:44.000 You know what, fuck.

00:01:45.000 Give me this car.

00:01:46.000 So I traded.

00:01:47.000 Do you keep swapping them out?

00:01:48.000 Yeah. They must love you.

00:01:49.000 Yeah, they fuck.

00:01:50.000 I'm such a mooch.

00:01:51.000 On one year of my wife's birthday, I bought myself a new car on her birthday.

00:01:57.000 I bought a BMW on her birthday with happy birthday.

00:02:01.000 We could drive around in this.

00:02:03.000 Oh my God.

00:02:04.000 That probably played off well.

00:02:05.000 Ah, fuck.

00:02:09.000 I buy her cars.

00:02:11.000 So, you know.

00:02:15.000 I get bored easy.

00:02:16.000 I get bored easy.

00:02:17.000 And it's because of, you know, in life, in life, really, like, I see some of my friends doing arenas, doing this, doing that.

00:02:29.000 But I have enough.

00:02:30.000 I really have enough.

00:02:33.000 But it's not enough.

00:02:35.000 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:02:36.000 Does that make sense?

00:02:37.000 Yeah. I think for my career, not for my personal life.

00:02:43.000 My personal life, I got three fucking great daughters, three grandkids, another one on the way.

00:02:49.000 My seven-year-old is going to go to college, has pick of all kinds of schools, you know.

00:02:56.000 Good schools.

00:02:57.000 I fucking...

00:02:58.000 In 11th grade, I raised my hand and go to the bathroom, and I never came back.

00:03:02.000 I just walked out.

00:03:03.000 Like, I'm a fucking idiot.

00:03:05.000 You know, my past.

00:03:07.000 And my kids all grew up...

00:03:08.000 Okay, the old one married a black guy, but he's light-skinned.

00:03:11.000 But anyhow, the prettiest baby on the planet.

00:03:16.000 So, I have enough.

00:03:18.000 But when it comes to career as a comic, and you know...

00:03:23.000 Just one more fucking thing.

00:03:27.000 Just one more thing.

00:03:28.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:03:29.000 I do know what you're saying.

00:03:31.000 I don't know.

00:03:32.000 I don't know what it is.

00:03:34.000 You know, I've had specials.

00:03:36.000 Not Netflix, but it's always...

00:03:37.000 It's like I'm always doing the other club.

00:03:40.000 Right. You know what I'm saying?

00:03:42.000 I'm always...

00:03:43.000 And I'm very blessed and I love what I've achieved in this business, but it seems like it's always like...

00:03:53.000 Okay, I got a special on Amazon now.

00:03:57.000 But it's not...

00:03:58.000 It wasn't...

00:04:00.000 Amazon didn't buy it.

00:04:01.000 We placed it on that.

00:04:03.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:04:04.000 So it's always...

00:04:05.000 There's always one little thing.

00:04:07.000 When every pilot my wife and I have had together, or I've had, gets this close to getting picked up.

00:04:13.000 You know?

00:04:14.000 I've heard...

00:04:15.000 Some of the no's I've heard...

00:04:17.000 They almost sounded like yeses.

00:04:19.000 They were such good no's.

00:04:20.000 I walked out and go, that was the best no today.

00:04:23.000 That fucking no almost felt like a yes.

00:04:26.000 So, in this business...

00:04:28.000 Do you think you put something in your mind to make all these things kind of fall short?

00:04:33.000 Have you ever thought of that?

00:04:34.000 Well, that's what my wife says.

00:04:36.000 Yeah. Do you ever thought that maybe the way you interface with the world is like your expectations are tempered?

00:04:44.000 Like in a way where you almost want to fail because it's more comforting that it happened again rather than this new thing of success, which is going to force you to really focus and work harder to get more success.

00:04:57.000 And it's a lot of pressure.

00:04:59.000 And then you think about all the times you fucked up before and you don't want to hear no again.

00:05:05.000 You don't want to hear it, but you feel like it's coming and you almost make it come.

00:05:10.000 Well, I get that.

00:05:11.000 In life growing up, From my childhood through drug addiction, I became comfortable being uncomfortable.

00:05:21.000 That was my life.

00:05:22.000 Right. Comfortable being in the skids.

00:05:25.000 Yeah, this was what I was used to.

00:05:28.000 In this business, I don't really ever set myself up for failure.

00:05:35.000 I mean, I produce.

00:05:37.000 I come up with albums.

00:05:38.000 I'm always coming up with new material.

00:05:41.000 And I got seven albums.

00:05:43.000 I'll probably make an eighth album, which is a pretty...

00:05:45.000 It's a lot for a career, I would imagine.

00:05:49.000 Yeah, it's great.

00:05:50.000 I don't go into clubs and drink.

00:05:53.000 I don't hit on waitresses.

00:05:57.000 So I don't know.

00:05:59.000 But my wife says the exact same thing you're saying.

00:06:02.000 My wife said to me once...

00:06:04.000 She said, because I had this power of thinking, like, when I think really hard, it comes to me shit, right?

00:06:11.000 And my wife goes, if you think you deserve a million dollars, you'll get a million dollars.

00:06:20.000 And I said, God gives you what you need, not what you want.

00:06:25.000 And then she said, do you think Chelsea Handler needed a TV show?

00:06:29.000 So she kind of, like, debunked my whole need, you know, and want thing.

00:06:37.000 If you believe in some kind of power greater than you, I'm not religious by any fucking...

00:06:46.000 But shit comes to me.

00:06:49.000 I don't think I fucking...

00:06:55.000 I don't screw things up like, you know, in meetings or when we do pilots or whatever.

00:07:00.000 I do what I'm supposed to do, so I don't know.

00:07:03.000 I mean, in comedy, yeah, for years I might have been a little aggressive on stage or, you know, a little whatever.

00:07:13.000 You know, I think everything now, especially now with clubs or whatever, it's all numbers.

00:07:21.000 They don't give a fuck.

00:07:22.000 If you light the waitstaff on fire, if you sold out the room, oh great, you were fabulous.

00:07:28.000 I was working catch years ago, I was at catch, and Bill Hicks, okay, so David Brenner's on stage, and they love David Brenner.

00:07:39.000 He's killing, killing.

00:07:41.000 It was during the peak of David Brenner.

00:07:44.000 He gets off, Bill Hicks goes up, and he says, Growing up as a kid, I would see Robert Klein and David Brenner, and I figured if they could do it, I could do it.

00:07:56.000 That was his opening show.

00:07:58.000 So, now he's doing his bit about Nancy Reagan, skinny, whatever, and calling her the Antichrist.

00:08:05.000 I mean, people are running out the door.

00:08:07.000 They're running out the door.

00:08:09.000 And then he gets off stage.

00:08:12.000 And he says to me, he goes, what went wrong?

00:08:15.000 But I swear to God, he goes, what was wrong?

00:08:19.000 Was he serious?

00:08:19.000 Yes. Or was he joking around?

00:08:20.000 No, he was, whatever, he was Bill Hicks.

00:08:23.000 I don't know.

00:08:24.000 It's hard to tell with him.

00:08:26.000 But anyhow, the manager or booker, now after I said to him, you can come and do a spot here anytime you want, because he was Bill Hicks.

00:08:37.000 Do you see what I'm saying?

00:08:38.000 He was Bill Hicks.

00:08:39.000 I worked with him in Texas.

00:08:42.000 It's when I first started.

00:08:44.000 And I'm watching him, you know.

00:08:48.000 And we'll get back on track.

00:08:49.000 I'm sorry to go off on these things.

00:08:51.000 Don't go wherever you want to go.

00:08:52.000 So we're working in Texas.

00:08:55.000 He just breaks up.

00:08:57.000 His girlfriend breaks up with him at the time.

00:08:59.000 It's a true story.

00:09:00.000 So he goes, where can you get a hooker?

00:09:04.000 A prostitute and a cab driver.

00:09:06.000 I like how you had to clarify.

00:09:07.000 Yeah, I know.

00:09:09.000 There's a lot of these young kids now that listen, okay?

00:09:13.000 A prostitute, okay?

00:09:16.000 So a cab driver takes them to one house because they would take you to the...

00:09:21.000 And I go with him.

00:09:24.000 He goes, take a ride.

00:09:25.000 So then we go to one house.

00:09:27.000 She knocks on the door.

00:09:29.000 And she opens the door and goes, you're a cop, and slammed the door on him.

00:09:33.000 Slammed the door on his face.

00:09:38.000 He looks like a cop.

00:09:40.000 Then he went, but he also, the next place the cab driver took him, she opened the door and goes, you're too young, and slammed the door on him.

00:09:47.000 Oh my god.

00:09:48.000 The next night, he did 10 minutes or whatever on how he can't get...

00:09:54.000 Can't pick up a prostitute in Lubbock, Texas.

00:09:57.000 I go, I'll never be this funny as long as I fucking live.

00:10:02.000 I've watched people going, amazing.

00:10:06.000 Then I was running then with Bastille.

00:10:11.000 That's when I was running with Bastille.

00:10:12.000 Frankie Bastille?

00:10:14.000 I'll tell you a good story.

00:10:15.000 I think I told you this story.

00:10:16.000 I've told this story and it's been told, but I don't know if I told it years ago when I did this.

00:10:22.000 And then I'll get back to it.

00:10:23.000 I'm not self-sabotaging.

00:10:27.000 That's what you were getting to in my head.

00:10:29.000 Am I self-sabotaging?

00:10:30.000 No, not self-sabotaging.

00:10:33.000 I don't think it's a self-sabotage thing.

00:10:34.000 It's not understanding the energy that you're putting out there and being accustomed to a certain result.

00:10:41.000 If you're accustomed to missing your playing pool, you're accustomed to missing the nine ball, you're going to miss that fucking nine ball every time.

00:10:48.000 Well, it happens in golf, too.

00:10:49.000 Yeah, I'm sure.

00:10:50.000 Same thing.

00:10:51.000 You gotta reset the way you think about things.

00:10:55.000 And if there's something that's eating away at you, that bothers you, that occupies your thoughts, you have to figure out what that is and clean that up.

00:11:06.000 That's a big part of the problem with a lot of people.

00:11:08.000 A lot of the problem with a lot of people is maybe they don't like something about themselves, they don't like what they've done, they don't like choices they've made, and that's in your head all the time.

00:11:21.000 The lack of clarity, the lack of peace is in your head all the time.

00:11:27.000 This is not an easy thing I'm saying.

00:11:29.000 I'm not saying this is like, okay, here's the real formula.

00:11:31.000 Just go out, follow these three steps, and you're going to be rich and famous.

00:11:35.000 It's not that.

00:11:37.000 It's just that success generally happens when you've got as many pieces as possible in order correctly.

00:11:46.000 And failure generally happens when you're overwhelmed by too many things that are not working right.

00:11:55.000 And your attention and your focus is on them.

00:12:00.000 You're divided.

00:12:01.000 You know, a lot of times you see it's like a terrible relationship.

00:12:04.000 I've known a lot of really talented people that sabotage themselves with a terrible relationship.

00:12:09.000 And they think somehow or another that...

00:12:12.000 This is just how relationships are, and they're terrible in that relationship.

00:12:17.000 And then they can never be who they could be.

00:12:22.000 They can never reach their full potential because they're always burdened down by these fucking squabbles they're having with their girlfriend or their boyfriend.

00:12:29.000 That's also, too, a God thing where you think, I could fix this person or I could change him.

00:12:36.000 No one can change him.

00:12:37.000 That's Brian Callen.

00:12:38.000 Crying out his whole life, I would tell him,"Get out now." I would meet his girlfriend, I'd be like,"Get out now." I met one girl that he dated, I literally, within five seconds of saying hello to her, I'd go,"Come here." I pulled him aside.

00:12:51.000 Cut to, okay?

00:12:52.000 He doesn't listen.

00:12:54.000 Later that night, she's drinking wine, she's fucking hamburger.

00:12:58.000 It's a disaster.

00:12:58.000 She winds up living with him, eventually figures it out, gets rid of her.

00:13:02.000 A couple years later, he's walking down the street on Sunset, and she's street walking.

00:13:07.000 No. Yes.

00:13:08.000 Girl he was living with at one point in time.

00:13:09.000 This is Brian Callen.

00:13:11.000 He felt abandoned when he was young.

00:13:14.000 And so he...

00:13:15.000 I believe I'm speaking for him.

00:13:17.000 And so he's a sweet guy.

00:13:19.000 And he tries to reach out and fix people.

00:13:22.000 Well, here's my Brian Callen story.

00:13:24.000 It's very funny.

00:13:25.000 I was middling for him at Caroline's.

00:13:30.000 Which will never happen again.

00:13:32.000 Because Caroline's is close.

00:13:35.000 I'm middling for him.

00:13:36.000 So I get off stage and I'm single.

00:13:39.000 This fucking smoking hot girl comes up to me and she goes, come on, let's leave.

00:13:46.000 Right? I go, I gotta sell my DVDs or CDs.

00:13:54.000 I have to sell my DVDs or CDs after the show.

00:13:58.000 I'm sitting there selling CDs and I see Brian walk out with her right past me up the stairs.

00:14:05.000 I fucked up.

00:14:06.000 But maybe I didn't.

00:14:07.000 Who knows?

00:14:08.000 Well, you definitely didn't because Bonnie's awesome.

00:14:10.000 No, I wasn't.

00:14:11.000 It worked out for you in the long run.

00:14:13.000 But it's, yeah, you definitely should have left with her.

00:14:16.000 No, I shouldn't have because that in life is where I was supposed to be at that time when I was there.

00:14:23.000 Oh, okay.

00:14:24.000 I see what you're saying.

00:14:25.000 You know what I mean?

00:14:25.000 No, you're correct.

00:14:26.000 Anything could happen.

00:14:27.000 What if she's a nightmare and then you miss out on whatever, $400, $500 you would have made selling DVDs?

00:14:33.000 Oh, I didn't make that much.

00:14:35.000 I never know.

00:14:36.000 $100? Even $100.

00:14:39.000 Now you're going to a nice restaurant.

00:14:41.000 Who knows?

00:14:42.000 Who knows?

00:14:43.000 You know, it's this whole negative thing with my...

00:14:48.000 And this isn't ego by any stretch when I say stuff like this.

00:14:58.000 And I've, and my wife, I know I've earned respect from my peers.

00:15:04.000 I know it.

00:15:05.000 You definitely have.

00:15:06.000 From white to black comics.

00:15:09.000 Black comics that most white comics don't even know.

00:15:12.000 You know what I mean?

00:15:13.000 Well, you did a lot of those rooms back in the day.

00:15:15.000 Yeah, and all those TV shows.

00:15:17.000 I did them all.

00:15:18.000 Yep. You know.

00:15:20.000 Please, I started black comedy.

00:15:22.000 So, okay.

00:15:24.000 You can only hold a white man down so long.

00:15:27.000 So, and like, I think in life, I'm more about respect than accomplishment.

00:15:37.000 You see what I'm saying?

00:15:38.000 So you're more about the respect from your peers.

00:15:40.000 Not only my peers, the industry too, though.

00:15:43.000 The industry doesn't know.

00:15:45.000 Like, say some club owner.

00:15:46.000 Let's say a club owner.

00:15:48.000 They're not sitting in the room watching your shows.

00:15:51.000 All they care about are the fucking numbers that come in.

00:15:54.000 I had a club owner once, I said to him, and you're lucky, you're way out of that, but I'm in that.

00:16:01.000 So I said to a club owner once, he goes, I said, look, I'm as funny as I've ever been right now in life.

00:16:06.000 He goes, that doesn't fucking matter.

00:16:08.000 What does that matter?

00:16:09.000 And it's all a quick fix.

00:16:11.000 Right, they just want to sell tickets.

00:16:12.000 Sell tickets.

00:16:13.000 And I get it.

00:16:14.000 They've got to keep the doors open.

00:16:15.000 But that's the weird marriage between the club owner and the comic.

00:16:19.000 You know, I used to tell comics, you know, we're not...

00:16:23.000 Every comic feels like they're battling it with club owners.

00:16:27.000 Like the club owner's never giving them enough money.

00:16:29.000 The club owner's fucking them over.

00:16:30.000 Lied about it being sold out.

00:16:32.000 It was definitely sold out.

00:16:33.000 I want my bonus.

00:16:34.000 That kind of shit.

00:16:34.000 Yeah. You don't want to be a club owner.

00:16:36.000 You don't.

00:16:37.000 I mean, I give that advice, then I became one.

00:16:41.000 But just by necessity.

00:16:42.000 But I was like, this is an important relationship.

00:16:45.000 You gotta be nice to them, and so they respect you.

00:16:48.000 Because everybody in the beginning, you feel like you're ignored by them.

00:16:52.000 But it's a weird thing, because they're just in the business of comedy.

00:16:58.000 Unless you get like Brian Dorfman in Zanies, he really loves comedy.

00:17:02.000 There's a few Wendy from Comedy Works in Denver.

00:17:05.000 I'll turn my Wendy story in a few years for me.

00:17:06.000 I love Wendy.

00:17:07.000 Better be a good story.

00:17:08.000 You'll like it.

00:17:09.000 Okay, but my point is it's like...

00:17:11.000 Well, Corey in Rhode Island's one of the best fucking nicest guys on the planet.

00:17:16.000 Rhode Island's?

00:17:17.000 Yeah. What's that one?

00:17:18.000 Comedy Connection.

00:17:19.000 Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

00:17:21.000 Mark and Rochester.

00:17:24.000 James and Governors.

00:17:26.000 The Comedy Connection in Rhode Island's weird because you're in a bank.

00:17:28.000 I know.

00:17:29.000 It's so strange.

00:17:30.000 They turn a bank into a comedy club.

00:17:31.000 That's how bad the market's doing.

00:17:34.000 Well, that was in the 80s when he did that.

00:17:36.000 That was when I was a kid.

00:17:37.000 He fixed the whole thing up, the whole camera system.

00:17:40.000 It's a great club.

00:17:41.000 It was always a great club.

00:17:42.000 Plus, there's not a lot in Rhode Island, so when you go there, people are so happy to see you.

00:17:50.000 And I'm not bad-mouthing her.

00:17:52.000 I don't know her like this.

00:17:53.000 So, I worked a club twice.

00:17:57.000 And the second time I worked there was Halloween weekend.

00:18:01.000 I mean, there was a guy in the audience in blackface.

00:18:04.000 Whatever. Really?

00:18:06.000 This was, I don't know, 10, 15 years ago.

00:18:09.000 10, 15 years ago?

00:18:10.000 10 years ago.

00:18:11.000 But wait a second.

00:18:13.000 So, she...

00:18:14.000 She wasn't even there the week.

00:18:17.000 She tells my manager, I did a lot of crowd work, whatever.

00:18:21.000 So anyhow, I'm working at Syracuse Funny Bone, and my middle, very funny guy, I think he passed away, he was an older guy, really great joke writer.

00:18:36.000 He's from Denver.

00:18:37.000 He goes, oh, I do a podcast with Wendy.

00:18:39.000 And he sees that I'm closing, and he goes, I'll talk to her.

00:18:44.000 So I email Wendy.

00:18:45.000 And I go, hey, listen, why don't we start from scratch?

00:18:49.000 Let bygones be bygones.

00:18:51.000 Start over.

00:18:52.000 Whatever. You know, I'd love to come back in.

00:18:56.000 And she doesn't get back to me.

00:18:58.000 So I write, by your lack of response, it looks like you want to move forward.

00:19:03.000 Here are some available dates.

00:19:05.000 Right? And she doesn't get back to me again.

00:19:11.000 Shocker. And I write, can I bring my own metal?

00:19:16.000 What do I care?

00:19:18.000 It's funny.

00:19:18.000 I'm trying to be funny.

00:19:19.000 So she was just upset that you did crowd work?

00:19:21.000 That's it?

00:19:21.000 No, the numbers were low, probably.

00:19:23.000 It was Halloween weekend.

00:19:25.000 But listen, I work enough.

00:19:27.000 And, you know, I'm saying, I'm not bad-mouthing any of these people.

00:19:31.000 Because you bad-mouth, you're the one who looks bad.

00:19:33.000 I'm not bad-mouthing them.

00:19:35.000 She's got a business to run.

00:19:37.000 Whatever she's got to do, just like any of them.

00:19:39.000 They have a business to run.

00:19:41.000 If this is who they're going to bring in to keep their doors open, I'll always find fucking work.

00:19:45.000 I don't care.

00:19:46.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:19:47.000 Yes. So, and industry-wise, I mean, now it's a whole...

00:19:51.000 Look, my wife is killing it because she's a writer and a comic.

00:19:55.000 And, you know, she's writing movies.

00:19:58.000 She's punching on movies.

00:19:59.000 She wrote for the Golden Globes.

00:20:00.000 You know, she has different outlets.

00:20:05.000 No. No, that's cool.

00:20:08.000 Ask yourself this.

00:20:09.000 Who has access to your medical history?

00:20:12.000 In theory, it's just you and your doctor.

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00:21:42.000 God, when I quit cigars, I quit cigars because I was scared I was going to start smoking.

00:21:48.000 You probably would.

00:21:48.000 I probably would because it would lead, you know.

00:21:51.000 Yeah, you're puffing on tobacco.

00:21:52.000 Yeah. You're going to want to inhale it.

00:21:53.000 That's why, you know, I can't even put a dick in my mouth because I'm scared.

00:21:57.000 I understand.

00:21:57.000 You know that.

00:21:58.000 So, you know, she has different outlets as a stand-up.

00:22:04.000 I'm just a stand-up.

00:22:05.000 I'm a club comic.

00:22:07.000 I love, you know, I do theaters, I do whatever, but I love doing, I really like doing clubs.

00:22:13.000 So it sounds like you're doing exactly what you want to do.

00:22:15.000 Yes. So what the fuck's the problem?

00:22:17.000 I don't think there is a problem, but I said just one more thing to put it over the top.

00:22:22.000 Do you know what I mean?

00:22:23.000 One more.

00:22:25.000 You're never totally satisfied, Rich Voss.

00:22:26.000 Well, that's a good point, yes.

00:22:29.000 I'm an addict, you know, so look, here's my fucking...

00:22:34.000 Here's how fucked up I am.

00:22:35.000 How fucked up are you?

00:22:36.000 I'm going to tell you right now, Sam.

00:22:38.000 Because you glitter and diamonds.

00:22:41.000 And this is not in the...

00:22:43.000 In the morning, I drink my coffee.

00:22:45.000 I sit at the table.

00:22:47.000 Sounds like me.

00:22:47.000 And I put a bird feeder.

00:22:49.000 And I watch the birds feed.

00:22:52.000 And it's very relaxing.

00:22:53.000 Watching them all come and feed.

00:22:55.000 It's very relaxing.

00:22:59.000 Now... I have seven bird feeders around my property because I figured, well, this will be seven times more relaxing.

00:23:06.000 No, now you've got bird chaos.

00:23:08.000 No, but they're all over.

00:23:09.000 I mean, I got ones that I, with a video camera, I could see who's coming, the squirrel.

00:23:14.000 I don't care if the squirrel eats the, you know, but it's my addictive personality.

00:23:20.000 Right. Where...

00:23:21.000 You always want more.

00:23:22.000 A little more.

00:23:23.000 Yeah, just a little more.

00:23:24.000 A little more.

00:23:25.000 Different color.

00:23:25.000 Same car.

00:23:26.000 One more ring.

00:23:28.000 One more ring.

00:23:29.000 I took two off.

00:23:32.000 You know, so it's...

00:23:33.000 And I work on myself.

00:23:36.000 I go to meetings two, three a week.

00:23:39.000 You know, I...

00:23:41.000 Still after all these years?

00:23:42.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:23:43.000 Do you still feel the pull after all these years?

00:23:45.000 No, I haven't got gambling to fall back on.

00:23:48.000 What are you gambling on?

00:23:50.000 What am I gambling on?

00:23:51.000 Well, I mean, once in a while, I'll play on my phone at night slots.

00:23:58.000 Oh, boy.

00:24:00.000 Yeah, I did real well.

00:24:01.000 You made money?

00:24:02.000 Yeah, last year.

00:24:04.000 I gotta say, slots on your phone sounds like the dumbest fucking idea.

00:24:08.000 Because there is no way it's not fixed.

00:24:11.000 At least a slot machine is random.

00:24:15.000 Well, slots in the casino is the biggest sucker bet on the planet.

00:24:19.000 I'll play craps.

00:24:20.000 If I'm gonna play...

00:24:21.000 If I'm going to gamble on a machine, I'm going to play craps like a man.

00:24:24.000 You know what drives me fucking crazy when I hear that?

00:24:27.000 Someone hits the slots and they won't give out.

00:24:29.000 They won't give the money.

00:24:30.000 Because there was an error with the machine.

00:24:32.000 That's bullshit.

00:24:33.000 I've heard that many times.

00:24:34.000 Like, fuck your error.

00:24:36.000 Give that guy his money.

00:24:38.000 This is what I won last year on slots.

00:24:41.000 Let me see this.

00:24:43.000 Really? Yeah.

00:24:44.000 Really? Yeah.

00:24:45.000 Let's do that.

00:24:46.000 Two jackpots.

00:24:47.000 Wow. But now I keep playing, think I'll get more.

00:24:50.000 Think I'll hit the big one.

00:24:51.000 Yeah, well, that's how they get you.

00:24:53.000 Yeah. I mean, okay.

00:24:55.000 I have a friend who's very wealthy and is a fucking degenerate gamble.

00:25:00.000 Dana White?

00:25:01.000 Oh, yeah.

00:25:01.000 Oh, I see the videos.

00:25:04.000 Degenerate. He's a nut.

00:25:05.000 I was just reading an article about Hunter Campbell, who's a financial officer, was trying to talk to him, just saying, you're killing me.

00:25:13.000 Why are you doing this?

00:25:14.000 He loves it.

00:25:15.000 Loves that.

00:25:17.000 There's shit that goes off in your head.

00:25:20.000 Even when you lose, you're like, I mean, I...

00:25:26.000 Makes you feel like you're alive.

00:25:28.000 Something's happening.

00:25:29.000 I was in Vegas, and I walked to the table with 300 bucks, crap table.

00:25:35.000 And it's me, and the whole table is...

00:25:38.000 I mean, I held the dice for...

00:25:42.000 Almost an hour.

00:25:43.000 300, I turn into 5,000.

00:25:45.000 The table's going nuts.

00:25:47.000 I'm winning everybody formula and diapers at the table.

00:25:50.000 They're fucking yelling, cat with a hat.

00:25:53.000 And it's just such a, you know, and then for the rest of the week, I didn't gamble again because I go, I can't follow that.

00:26:00.000 I'm not going to be able to do that again.

00:26:02.000 So it's not like I'm obsessed with it.

00:26:07.000 Numbers I am kind of, but...

00:26:10.000 You know, I've been to casinos and worked for three, four days and not even played.

00:26:14.000 But when I do, it's like my wife and I were in Canada and we went to a casino.

00:26:22.000 I go, well, let me go back to the hotel and put my credit cards and money there.

00:26:29.000 And she goes, you can't go into a casino with all your money and credit cards.

00:26:34.000 I go, how does she ask that question?

00:26:37.000 She knows you.

00:26:37.000 Yeah, I know.

00:26:38.000 She should know you can't.

00:26:39.000 She's fucking with you.

00:26:40.000 She knows you can't.

00:26:42.000 She should say good for you.

00:26:44.000 That's a good point.

00:26:45.000 She should say good for you.

00:26:46.000 That's smart.

00:26:47.000 But she didn't know me when I was an addict.

00:26:49.000 Oh. She never saw me when I was out there.

00:26:52.000 Yeah, but I...

00:26:52.000 Well, I guess I did.

00:26:54.000 I knew you when you were an addict.

00:26:55.000 Yeah. But you cleaned up nice.

00:26:58.000 You really did.

00:26:59.000 You figured it out well.

00:27:00.000 You really did.

00:27:02.000 So she should know that.

00:27:04.000 Yeah. Not to go to the casino.

00:27:05.000 A little bit more supportive.

00:27:07.000 That's what I'm trying to say.

00:27:08.000 How about that, Bonnie?

00:27:09.000 You know what?

00:27:09.000 That's what I'm trying to say.

00:27:13.000 You guys are one of the funniest couples of all time, though.

00:27:15.000 Thank you.

00:27:16.000 There's like a few, like Christina Pazitzky and Tom Segura, Natasha Leggero, Moshe Kasher.

00:27:22.000 There's a few, like, you know, people say, like, comics shouldn't date comics.

00:27:25.000 Well, I don't know about that, because sometimes it fucking works really well.

00:27:30.000 What am I going to do?

00:27:31.000 Come home to a dentist?

00:27:32.000 You know, for me.

00:27:35.000 You know, we really come together when we find the same enemy and the same person we could trash.

00:27:42.000 Yeah. You know, or we talk comedy.

00:27:44.000 We make each other laugh.

00:27:45.000 Yeah, we fight and have all the fucking, you know, we're a married couple.

00:27:50.000 And you're comics.

00:27:51.000 Yeah. So you're talking shit.

00:27:54.000 Well, to be a male comic, you gotta be fucked up.

00:27:58.000 To be a female comic, that's a whole other level of fucking up.

00:28:02.000 Because, you know, they go on the road, they gotta worry about...

00:28:06.000 Everything. They gotta worry about fans.

00:28:08.000 Yeah, they gotta worry about fans attacking them.

00:28:10.000 Where they're staying, what it's like.

00:28:13.000 Getting stalked.

00:28:14.000 Oh, yeah, it's horrible.

00:28:15.000 And thank you for saying we're funny.

00:28:16.000 You guys are very funny.

00:28:19.000 I was using it as an example, because comics will say all the time, don't date comics.

00:28:24.000 And I'm like, I don't know about that.

00:28:28.000 I don't know about that, because I don't think you should never date blah.

00:28:34.000 Although I stopped dating Italians when I was 21. Oh, yeah?

00:28:37.000 Yeah, the last one swung at me.

00:28:39.000 I was like, I'm done.

00:28:41.000 Well, I only date...

00:28:42.000 As she was swinging, I was like, I can't believe she's swinging at me.

00:28:45.000 That's hilarious.

00:28:45.000 Like, while this was happening, her arm was pulling back.

00:28:48.000 It was coming towards my face like, I can't fucking believe this is happening.

00:28:52.000 Well, I only date...

00:28:54.000 Irish. Like, I can't afford a Jew broad, so I went fucking Irish.

00:29:00.000 I'd rather go to fucking Marshalls than Barneys.

00:29:04.000 Well, also, the thing about Jewish women, the stereotype, is that they're very controlling.

00:29:12.000 It's like how the mom is.

00:29:15.000 It's like you take that role of the mom of the house, then your wife becomes your mom.

00:29:20.000 That's the stereotype.

00:29:21.000 I'm not saying it's always that way.

00:29:24.000 A little naggy.

00:29:26.000 A little naggy.

00:29:27.000 Yeah. And I mean, look, fucking Bonnie grew up on a farm killing chickens.

00:29:31.000 Perfect. She's good for when the revelation comes.

00:29:36.000 And not only that, I have running water.

00:29:40.000 You know, they had a fucking, they slept on the floor.

00:29:42.000 She grew up like I did, poor.

00:29:44.000 And we started dating.

00:29:46.000 I mean, I was already in the business for I don't know how many years.

00:29:50.000 It's like, they say, don't date comics.

00:29:52.000 Yeah, well, if you're a new comic, and they're a new comic, it's going to be competition the whole time.

00:29:59.000 It's going to be jealousy.

00:30:00.000 But I was already established, and she was established.

00:30:03.000 Yeah, but it doesn't have to be.

00:30:05.000 It doesn't have to be.

00:30:06.000 It could be.

00:30:07.000 But these hard, fast rules, they don't work.

00:30:10.000 It all completely depends on the individual.

00:30:13.000 I mean, how different are comics?

00:30:15.000 Like, how different are you to Shane Gillis?

00:30:17.000 How different am I to Ari Shaffir?

00:30:19.000 Like, we're all different.

00:30:20.000 Even though we're all real good friends, we're all...

00:30:23.000 There's no hard rules.

00:30:25.000 No. I luckily came up with one of the strongest crews in New York.

00:30:34.000 Oh, you came up with an amazing crew.

00:30:36.000 Patrice? Patrice, Norton, Billy, Bobby, Colin, you know, Kevin Hart.

00:30:45.000 It was an amazing crew.

00:30:46.000 You know, our crew.

00:30:48.000 Bro, I knew you back when you had Jerry Curls.

00:30:51.000 You knew me when I was doing Robin Gibbons bits.

00:30:56.000 That's right.

00:30:57.000 It was the 80s.

00:30:58.000 You don't remember.

00:30:59.000 You might remember.

00:31:00.000 We were working a one-nighter in Seaside, New Jersey.

00:31:04.000 It was my ex-wife.

00:31:06.000 And me, you, and her took a walk to the boardwalk.

00:31:09.000 We were in Seaside, right on the boardwalk.

00:31:12.000 And it was just me, you, and her.

00:31:13.000 I think you just came down from Boston.

00:31:16.000 And I don't think you were living in New York.

00:31:18.000 I think you were just doing some shows, some one-nighters and shit.

00:31:22.000 And we did a one-nighter.

00:31:25.000 Okay, I probably first...

00:31:27.000 It had to be...

00:31:28.000 I got 39 years with her.

00:31:31.000 Probably like...

00:31:32.000 38 years ago.

00:31:34.000 Oh, that doesn't even make sense, because I've been doing comedy for 30, let me see, 87, 37 years.

00:31:41.000 Okay, so then, okay, I was with Bonnie, so, I mean, Kelly, so I had, you're right, I had.

00:31:48.000 That had to be like 1990 then.

00:31:49.000 Yeah, I had like four years clean.

00:31:51.000 90 was when I first started coming to New York.

00:31:55.000 Okay. You were already clean?

00:31:56.000 Yeah, and I was already married.

00:31:59.000 So yeah, I had five years clean.

00:32:01.000 So it was maybe like 34 years ago, or 35. So yeah, we're working a one-nighter, and I remember walking up the street, me, you, and Bonnie, to the boardwalk.

00:32:18.000 I mean, Kelly.

00:32:19.000 To the boardwalk.

00:32:20.000 To the boardwalk, and it was just some one-nighter.

00:32:23.000 And then, I don't know if we ever...

00:32:25.000 Worked again together.

00:32:26.000 Oh, well, Dangerfields.

00:32:28.000 We did some stuff.

00:32:28.000 We did Caroline's together, too.

00:32:30.000 I remember doing Caroline's with you.

00:32:31.000 Oh, we did a lot of Dangerfields shows together.

00:32:34.000 Yeah. Did we ever do prom shows together?

00:32:35.000 Yes! Oh, Jesus!

00:32:40.000 Viva should know what prom shows are.

00:32:43.000 So, New York has a very weird thing where they take kids from, like, Staten Island and Brooklyn, and they bring them in in fucking buses.

00:32:52.000 To Dangerfields, and the show would run from like 7 p.m. till 5 in the morning.

00:32:58.000 No break.

00:32:59.000 No break.

00:33:00.000 Just you would go one show, and you'd get paid by the show.

00:33:03.000 It was good money.

00:33:04.000 I forget what it was, but it was like, you get paid by, like you can make a couple grand in a night if you did the whole night.

00:33:09.000 So you would do stand-up from 7 p.m. till like 5 a.m.

00:33:13.000 But sometimes some of the shows were the same, some of the same crowd.

00:33:18.000 Most of the shows.

00:33:19.000 Yeah. They didn't move the people out.

00:33:22.000 They just pushed new kids in.

00:33:23.000 And they wanted you to do the same joke so that the kids would leave.

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00:35:05.000 So we were...

00:35:09.000 Doing proms at Dangerfields.

00:35:11.000 And this is all young kids, you know, getting ready to go to college.

00:35:15.000 And Ronnie goes on.

00:35:17.000 He walks on stage in a robe, drunk.

00:35:21.000 He's not doing comedy.

00:35:23.000 He's talking about his divorce or death.

00:35:28.000 And all these kids are just, they're all looking at him like the jury from My Cousin Vinny.

00:35:35.000 When they were looking at the stuttering lawyer, their eyes were just going, what is going on with this man?

00:35:42.000 And he just, it was the most depressing.

00:35:45.000 And then I think Brian Regan had to follow him.

00:35:49.000 And the fact, I mean, if you look at your career and some of mine and Brian Regan, we were doing prom shows.

00:35:56.000 Yeah. I did, I did a, there was a contest at Rascals and I think the winner got to do comedy on a plane.

00:36:10.000 That was back when they smoked on place.

00:36:12.000 Yeah, and I think John Stort was one of the contestants.

00:36:16.000 Like, I remember doing, I remember doing, or else it was a Johnny Walker competition.

00:36:22.000 I was there, it was like me, John Stort, Jim Gaffigan, you know, to do some Johnny Walker tour.

00:36:31.000 I don't fucking know whatever the contest was, but it was all these contests.

00:36:35.000 But you would see, look, I worked.

00:36:39.000 Fucking clubs.

00:36:40.000 I was working one club once, and after the show, it was in Scranton, PA at a Holiday Inn, me and another comic.

00:36:50.000 After the show, the owner brings us in the back room and pulls out a gigantic bag of Coke and says, do you want Coke or money?

00:36:58.000 And I took the Coke.

00:37:00.000 And the guy who took the money is Adam Sandler, and look where he is, and look where I am.

00:37:06.000 Adam Sandler took the money and he opened up.

00:37:10.000 He was a guitar comic and he opened up.

00:37:13.000 That was a Nick's Comedy Stop thing, Coker Money.

00:37:15.000 Oh yeah, I worked there.

00:37:16.000 In Boston?

00:37:17.000 Did they offer you Coker Money back then?

00:37:19.000 And I was getting high because when I first started comedy, somehow they...

00:37:23.000 What was his name?

00:37:26.000 Dominic and Jackie Gateman or something, they liked me for some reason.

00:37:30.000 I stunk, but they would give me spots at Nick's, and I would get either money or...

00:37:35.000 But I would buy Coke from Mike, the drug dealer that the Colombians killed.

00:37:39.000 He was their Coke dealer up there.

00:37:42.000 I would stay behind the connection at the Milner Hotel, which was all prostitutes and drug addicts, right?

00:37:50.000 And, you know, I would go up there, and Nick's was...

00:37:53.000 Giving me shows upstairs, downstairs.

00:37:55.000 So the one time, the last time I was up in Boston, I did Springfield Mass and Westfield Mass.

00:38:03.000 252 Elm and some other Norm LaFoe shit.

00:38:08.000 Norm LaFoe, Western Massachusetts.

00:38:10.000 So then I went to Nick's.

00:38:13.000 I go, I'm not spending my money on drugs.

00:38:16.000 I'm coming home with fucking money, right?

00:38:20.000 So I'm working this place called Plums in Worcester.

00:38:23.000 And this waitress, oh, fucking smoking hot.

00:38:28.000 After the show, because I did some coke bits.

00:38:31.000 She goes, you do coke?

00:38:32.000 I go, yeah.

00:38:34.000 I go, do you know where I can get any coke?

00:38:41.000 And we couldn't get any coke in Boston.

00:38:43.000 We drove from Boston.

00:38:45.000 I went back to New York.

00:38:48.000 Bought a bunch of...

00:38:49.000 Crack. We got a hotel, smoked all night.

00:38:53.000 We had sex, this and that.

00:38:55.000 And it was Saturday night.

00:38:58.000 And I'm 40 minutes from home.

00:39:01.000 And I have one more show in Boston on a Sunday.

00:39:04.000 And I have to drive her all the way back to Boston.

00:39:08.000 No money left.

00:39:10.000 Maybe $10 or $20.

00:39:11.000 Just enough.

00:39:13.000 To get back to Boston.

00:39:15.000 Luggage in a fucking paper bag.

00:39:18.000 We stop on the way up in Hartford.

00:39:22.000 We try to buy coke or heroin and we got ripped off.

00:39:26.000 She's crying because she's going to lose her job.

00:39:31.000 Fucking blood started pouring out of my nose as we're driving.

00:39:34.000 Just pouring out.

00:39:35.000 I swear to God.

00:39:40.000 Well. And then she goes, my sister wants an ounce of Coke.

00:39:46.000 So I was going to set her up and rip her off.

00:39:49.000 Oh, boy.

00:39:51.000 You know, get a free ounce of Coke.

00:39:53.000 Well, anyhow, two weeks later, I end up in rehab.

00:39:58.000 That was my bottom.

00:40:00.000 That fucking trip to Boston.

00:40:01.000 I end up in rehab.

00:40:03.000 And about a year or two later, I'm working Fort Lauderdale.

00:40:08.000 And her sister's there.

00:40:09.000 With her boyfriend, who's the size of a fucking house.

00:40:13.000 So if I did rip her off, I would have gotten fucking the shit killed, beaten out of me.

00:40:19.000 You know, what are the odds?

00:40:21.000 So that last trip to Boston, and I spent all the money I wasn't going to spend, but this girl was fucking hot, you know.

00:40:28.000 Then I came out of rehab, and I think I had like a month or two months clean, and I'm working on Daytona Beach.

00:40:40.000 This fucking wait, where?

00:40:42.000 I don't know.

00:40:42.000 I was, I had bad teeth, fucking jerry curl.

00:40:46.000 And my wife says this.

00:40:47.000 She saw videos of me from Ralph's and she goes, you're such a mess, but you had so much confidence.

00:40:53.000 And girls like confidence, right?

00:40:56.000 Because I would be on stage, fucking rotten teeth and fucking grease dripping out of my hair.

00:41:01.000 So I had a fucking mess.

00:41:03.000 I looked like a fucking rat.

00:41:05.000 And this hot waitress in Daytona.

00:41:08.000 We go back to her place, and I'm making out with her, and something tastes funny.

00:41:13.000 I go, what?

00:41:14.000 And she pulls out a bag of Coke, and I had like a month clean, two months.

00:41:18.000 I go, I can't do that.

00:41:19.000 I gotta get out of here.

00:41:20.000 I mean, I fucked her, but then I left real quick, you know.

00:41:25.000 You know, and it was scary.

00:41:26.000 So you never bounced back?

00:41:27.000 You never went back to drugs?

00:41:28.000 No, no.

00:41:29.000 That's amazing.

00:41:30.000 39 years ago.

00:41:31.000 That's incredible.

00:41:32.000 You have one fall off, and you're like, I'm done.

00:41:35.000 Well, I mean, here's, for me now, And, you know, as the years accumulated, you know, I was working, I was saving money, I was buying.

00:41:46.000 You know, if I went and got high now, this watch alone would kill me.

00:41:50.000 I could pawn this watch.

00:41:52.000 Right. It would be enough money for me to die.

00:41:54.000 Right. You know, money I've hidden around the house.

00:41:57.000 You know, no one's going to find it.

00:42:00.000 Don't even think, hey, we're going to go to Voss's house and find his money.

00:42:04.000 This shit is fucking hidden well.

00:42:07.000 So go fuck yourselves.

00:42:09.000 So anyhow, I'll die.

00:42:13.000 Look, for a year, and I got to get back on track, I stopped eating, not keto, but cut back on carbs, sugar.

00:42:25.000 I did real well for a year.

00:42:27.000 I mean, I was fucking ripping up again.

00:42:30.000 And from my age, and it's harder, my daughter comes upstairs and goes, oh, I made homemade chocolate chip cookies.

00:42:37.000 I go, oh, give me one.

00:42:39.000 Well, the seventh cookie I had to throw in the garbage.

00:42:42.000 The seventh, I go, I can't, I gotta stop.

00:42:45.000 So that's how my fucking mind is.

00:42:46.000 There's no one time.

00:42:50.000 What the fuck?

00:42:50.000 I play golf and guys are drinking a beer.

00:42:53.000 I go, what the fuck are you doing?

00:42:54.000 We like to taste.

00:42:55.000 Fuck off.

00:42:55.000 Gatorade tastes good.

00:42:56.000 You drink to get drunk.

00:42:57.000 What are you drinking a beer?

00:42:59.000 You know?

00:43:00.000 And it's just...

00:43:01.000 And then on stage, if I go, I quit.

00:43:03.000 Somebody goes, quit it.

00:43:04.000 Shut the fuck up.

00:43:05.000 You're here having wine coolers, bitch.

00:43:08.000 Sell your mother's car to get high.

00:43:09.000 Go fuck yourself.

00:43:10.000 Wow. You don't know anything about getting high.

00:43:12.000 You're fighting when people aren't even here.

00:43:13.000 I know.

00:43:14.000 I'm just telling you.

00:43:15.000 This is strange.

00:43:20.000 You're in the shower arguing with these guys.

00:43:22.000 Do you know how many fucking arguments I've had?

00:43:25.000 I thought you were going to bring in your whole pro-Palestinian crew that I was going to fight today.

00:43:31.000 Which I have stuff printed out.

00:43:32.000 We'll read later.

00:43:35.000 We'll read later.

00:43:36.000 But that's so funny.

00:43:39.000 You don't ever lay in bed or have arguments with people that you've never had.

00:43:46.000 I did when I was young.

00:43:48.000 Yeah, I figured that out when I was younger.

00:43:50.000 This is stupid.

00:43:52.000 And when the impulse comes, which it does, I go, this is stupid.

00:43:56.000 I talk to myself.

00:43:57.000 I just coach myself.

00:43:59.000 You've got to have another voice in your head.

00:44:02.000 Most people have one voice in their head, and that voice is like, we should go get high, or we should do this.

00:44:07.000 You have to have a second voice.

00:44:09.000 And the second voice is like, what advice would I give me?

00:44:12.000 And the advice I'd give me is like, you're wasting your time arguing in the shower with someone who doesn't even...

00:44:17.000 They don't even know you're arguing with them.

00:44:19.000 I know, it's true.

00:44:19.000 You're not even there.

00:44:20.000 You're like replaying it out in your head so you could have had a better thing to say to them.

00:44:25.000 They say they're living rent-free in your head.

00:44:27.000 Yes, that's what it is.

00:44:29.000 Yeah, I don't allow anybody in my head.

00:44:31.000 No, I had the second voice.

00:44:33.000 I do, and I'm not religious by any, but I'll say, you know, God, get me off.

00:44:39.000 You know, what should I do?

00:44:40.000 What's my purpose?

00:44:41.000 Or what can I do?

00:44:43.000 In life, you know, look, my main purpose in life, besides being, my main purpose is staying sober, because if I don't, I'm dead easily, and everything I throw away.

00:44:55.000 Then my family, obviously, you know, and my career, you know.

00:45:02.000 All the shit I put about Israel, this and that, that's, my life is comedy.

00:45:07.000 But I think in life, if you're not part of the...

00:45:12.000 Like I said, solution you're part of the problem with what's going on in this world, mainly in this country, the anti-Semitism in this country.

00:45:20.000 The anti-Semitism in this country is weird because it popped up like it was hiding.

00:45:24.000 You know, after October 7th, it popped up like it was hiding.

00:45:27.000 Like, what?

00:45:29.000 Has this been here the whole time?

00:45:30.000 It was weird.

00:45:31.000 And I think there's a lot of it on Twitter in these places that I think is not human beings.

00:45:41.000 And that inspires human beings to get bold.

00:45:44.000 I think there's a lot of it that's bots.

00:45:47.000 There's a lot of it that's bots.

00:45:48.000 I see these...

00:45:49.000 When someone says something outrageous on Twitter, I'll go to the account and see what they're doing.

00:45:56.000 And sometimes I go, oh, this isn't a person.

00:45:59.000 You can figure it out after a couple of pages.

00:46:02.000 This is not an actual person.

00:46:03.000 This is a person that jumps onto every...

00:46:06.000 Controversial subject and says something insightful.

00:46:10.000 They do it over and over again.

00:46:11.000 And you see it with abortion.

00:46:12.000 You see it with immigration.

00:46:13.000 You see it with voting.

00:46:15.000 You see it with the rigged elections.

00:46:17.000 There was an FBI analyst who took a look at Twitter before the purchase and he said, I think it's as much as 80% bots.

00:46:27.000 I think we're getting played as a civilization, back and forth.

00:46:32.000 I think so many people are vulnerable to following a narrative.

00:46:38.000 And I've said this, and I believe in free speech.

00:46:46.000 When we talked about this, you didn't agree with it.

00:46:49.000 I didn't agree with free speech?

00:46:50.000 No, no, no.

00:46:51.000 What I said about the internet, that some people in life use that platform.

00:46:57.000 Shouldn't have a platform in life because they're nuts.

00:47:01.000 They're nuts.

00:47:02.000 Like if you had somebody in the audience that's nuts, you're going to take them out.

00:47:07.000 You're going to get rid of them.

00:47:08.000 Right, but that's the difference between an audience and the internet is you don't have to engage with the nuts.

00:47:13.000 Okay, but there's people that are following these nuts.

00:47:16.000 Okay, you take whatever's going on in the Middle East, whatever side you're on.

00:47:24.000 Israel, Palestine, whatever.

00:47:29.000 Why are college campuses letting this happen on campus where Jews can't go to class, where they're being harassed, where they feel threatened?

00:47:43.000 Well, a lot of that stuff is funded.

00:47:45.000 Yeah, it's funded by Qatar or whatever.

00:47:47.000 Or whatever.

00:47:48.000 Whoever is doing it, most certainly there's funding and organization involved.

00:47:54.000 These aren't organic protests that just pop up.

00:47:56.000 No, of course.

00:47:57.000 Everybody wants to think they are because some people join organically.

00:48:00.000 They hop in, but it's not.

00:48:02.000 These are all being organized.

00:48:04.000 Of course.

00:48:04.000 Including the anti-Elon protests, including the end-to-oligarchy rallies that they have.

00:48:12.000 The O.C. and Bernie Sanders.

00:48:13.000 All this shit is getting funded and astroturfed and they're bussing people in.

00:48:18.000 They're manufacturing a movement.

00:48:20.000 Of course.

00:48:21.000 I mean, listen.

00:48:23.000 They didn't all go out and buy the same tents.

00:48:26.000 And there's, I don't know how many that are getting funded and then they bring in, you know, it's just like...

00:48:34.000 The tents are crazy.

00:48:36.000 We're going to camp out for Palestine.

00:48:38.000 It's just like, you know...

00:48:42.000 I don't want to get into the 80s and foreclosures on farms.

00:48:48.000 Farm aid?

00:48:49.000 Well, when banks were foreclosing on farms, Jews were going, look, the Jews are foreclosing on our farm to Jewish bankers.

00:48:59.000 And they weren't even the bankers doing it.

00:49:00.000 It was the Wasp bankers.

00:49:02.000 Jews barely worked at Chase Manhattan in the early 80s or 70s.

00:49:06.000 But they blamed the Jews.

00:49:07.000 But they blamed because it's easy to go after.

00:49:10.000 You know, so throughout the Midwest or the South, it's easier to build up hatred or a group to go after a smaller group going, hey, these people are closing on your farms.

00:49:25.000 These are the people that are doing it.

00:49:27.000 And these people don't have the knowledge and the hate just grows and grows from generation to generation.

00:49:33.000 Does that make sense?

00:49:34.000 Yes. So, you know, same with, you know, the...

00:49:38.000 Look, I got shit I printed out.

00:49:41.000 I'll show it later, maybe.

00:49:43.000 I don't know.

00:49:43.000 Listen, I'm a comic, but you see what I post sometimes.

00:49:48.000 I post some shit, and I'm not anti...

00:49:55.000 I'm not anti...

00:49:56.000 You're pro-Israel.

00:49:57.000 I'm just pro-Israel.

00:49:58.000 You're pro-Jew.

00:49:59.000 I'm pro-Jew in this country.

00:50:01.000 And I'm not religious by any stretch.

00:50:03.000 I don't fucking...

00:50:04.000 I think it's a holiday now.

00:50:06.000 It's Passover or something.

00:50:08.000 I don't fucking know.

00:50:08.000 I'm not religious.

00:50:09.000 My cousins were.

00:50:10.000 My family wasn't black.

00:50:11.000 You think about it as a people.

00:50:13.000 I think about it as, yes, as a people.

00:50:15.000 You know, if what was happening in this world to black people or gay people, these colleges would put an end to it.

00:50:23.000 It would stop.

00:50:24.000 If people were ripping down posters of hostages, of black hostages or gay hostages when that was happening...

00:50:33.000 It wouldn't happen.

00:50:35.000 Yeah, that was crazy.

00:50:36.000 That was crazy where people were upset that people wanted people to bring the hostages home.

00:50:41.000 Like, these hostages, some of them were aid workers.

00:50:44.000 Some of them were people that, like, lived there so they could help people in Gaza.

00:50:48.000 The whole thing is so crazy.

00:50:50.000 But I wonder, like, how did they get turned that way?

00:50:54.000 Or were they, like what I said, like they were in hiding?

00:50:59.000 As a person who's not a Jew, I would hear about all the anti-Semitism.

00:51:03.000 Like, yeah, there's always going to be some.

00:51:04.000 But maybe everyone's exaggerating.

00:51:06.000 But then when this, after October 7th, it was just like, oh, Jesus.

00:51:11.000 It's fucking everywhere.

00:51:13.000 What's your background?

00:51:14.000 Italian. Italian.

00:51:16.000 Yeah, mostly.

00:51:16.000 One quarter Irish.

00:51:17.000 Okay. If every surrounding country was attacked in Italy, you're going to fight back.

00:51:25.000 By any means necessary.

00:51:27.000 I 100% get it.

00:51:29.000 Can I show you some pictures?

00:51:30.000 Okay. Now, we don't have to do it.

00:51:31.000 We can talk.

00:51:32.000 I don't know.

00:51:33.000 I've got to do a little of it.

00:51:35.000 A little.

00:51:35.000 Whatever you want.

00:51:36.000 I don't care.

00:51:37.000 Do whatever you want.

00:51:38.000 I'm joking around.

00:51:39.000 But yeah, no, I understand.

00:51:40.000 And I think that's also one of the things that people like.

00:51:44.000 My wife should keep away.

00:51:45.000 Go ahead.

00:51:45.000 When people get angry about Jews is because they think that Jews always stick together.

00:51:49.000 And they like Jews above all else.

00:51:51.000 And then it's like, fuck those people.

00:51:53.000 You know, there's like that walled garden approach, you know.

00:51:58.000 What do you got there?

00:51:59.000 You got a manila envelope like you're in fucking court.

00:52:01.000 Look at this.

00:52:02.000 What do you got?

00:52:04.000 Charts? Did you bring graphs?

00:52:06.000 What's that first page?

00:52:07.000 Is that a photo of Israel?

00:52:09.000 What is it?

00:52:09.000 You got a map?

00:52:10.000 You brought maps?

00:52:12.000 He brought maps for me.

00:52:15.000 This is the dumbest shit I've ever seen from you.

00:52:18.000 Look at the dot.

00:52:19.000 Look at the size of Israel.

00:52:21.000 Yeah, it's very small.

00:52:22.000 Look at who they're surrounded by.

00:52:23.000 Yeah, they're surrounded by a bunch of Muslims.

00:52:26.000 Not a good spot to be if you're a Jew.

00:52:29.000 They should have probably moved to a different spot.

00:52:32.000 It's like, you know, you know what I mean?

00:52:34.000 No, I've got other better stuff.

00:52:35.000 I just start off with the weaker stuff.

00:52:37.000 If you're a black guy and you move into a KKK neighborhood, that's like, you're going to have problems.

00:52:43.000 Yeah, I mean, so...

00:52:44.000 It is kind of crazy.

00:52:45.000 Wouldn't you think...

00:52:47.000 By any means necessary, they're gonna do what they fucking have to do to survive.

00:52:53.000 Yes. I totally think they would, and I understand that aspect of it.

00:52:57.000 Is that your fault?

00:52:58.000 Yeah, I gotta turn it off.

00:52:58.000 Sorry. My wife.

00:53:01.000 I don't know how she got my number.

00:53:03.000 Start the car.

00:53:05.000 It is crazy when you look at the map.

00:53:07.000 It's not just that they're surrounded, but they're surrounded by everyone.

00:53:12.000 It's all enormous countries.

00:53:14.000 I mean...

00:53:15.000 All the way up.

00:53:16.000 It's interesting.

00:53:17.000 You go down Saudi Arabia, the end of it, you forget.

00:53:19.000 Oh, it's Ethiopia's right there.

00:53:21.000 And then, I mean, Turkey hates Israel.

00:53:24.000 Fucking Iran, you know, they're being attacked by four or five different nations at once.

00:53:30.000 And everybody's going, well, you know...

00:53:33.000 They're committing genocide.

00:53:35.000 First of all, those numbers are coming from Hamas.

00:53:41.000 Where do you think those numbers are coming from?

00:53:43.000 Okay, but the drone footage isn't coming from Hamas.

00:53:46.000 The drone footage is real.

00:53:47.000 If you cover Gaza with a drone, there's nothing left.

00:53:51.000 It's pretty nuts.

00:53:53.000 Well, I bet you if they released the hostages October 10th, none of this shit would have happened.

00:54:00.000 That's true.

00:54:00.000 None of this shit would have happened.

00:54:02.000 During the Clinton administration, Arafat was in the White House probably six or seven times.

00:54:10.000 The head of the CIA, during the Clinton administration, visited the White House twice.

00:54:16.000 Arafat, six or seven times.

00:54:18.000 And they offered a two-state solution.

00:54:21.000 That would have been Clinton's legacy.

00:54:24.000 To have peace in the two states.

00:54:27.000 But Arafat kept turning it down because Arafat's a terrorist.

00:54:31.000 And if he does that, what purpose does he serve?

00:54:35.000 What purpose?

00:54:36.000 Is it that simple?

00:54:38.000 Well, to me it is because I'm not the smartest.

00:54:42.000 That's part of the problem.

00:54:44.000 Part of the problem with Israel and Palestine.

00:54:46.000 And I've sat down and thought about this conflict.

00:54:48.000 Not that I'm an expert either.

00:54:50.000 But it's almost insurmountable.

00:54:53.000 And then now, after October 7th, with all the bombings, when they leveled Gaza, it's like, how do you fix this?

00:55:01.000 It's like, there's no...

00:55:03.000 You've created whatever the numbers are, whether it's 70,000 people or 20,000 people that have been killed that are innocents.

00:55:12.000 You've created so many more potential terrorists because so many of the children of those people and the brothers and sisters and relatives of those people.

00:55:22.000 So it's like reinforced this desire to fight against Israel.

00:55:29.000 But we...

00:55:30.000 You know, and you could squash that.

00:55:32.000 You could just keep pounding them down until there's nothing left, which is what it seems that they're doing.

00:55:38.000 But... And I understand it from a tactical perspective, I guess.

00:55:43.000 Do we have that animosity and hatred from Japan towards us where we dropped, you know, killed 350,000 people?

00:55:55.000 Well, they did for a while.

00:55:57.000 They certainly did for a long while.

00:55:59.000 I had friends who'd go to Japan in the 70s and they said you could feel the hatred.

00:56:03.000 Yeah, but now it's 55 years later.

00:56:06.000 Yeah, they're not like that at all now.

00:56:08.000 But it's a totally, completely different generation.

00:56:10.000 So you think future generations will think about Israel the same way we think about Japan?

00:56:16.000 Or Japan thinks about us?

00:56:18.000 No, because future generations in the Middle East, this has been going since day one, since the Six-Day War, since the Yom Kippur War, since day one they've been being attacked.

00:56:31.000 So there's never...

00:56:33.000 Well, it's also before Israel was founded, you got to go back to how they were being persecuted in Europe.

00:56:40.000 It was in session.

00:56:41.000 There's this guy, Daryl Cooper, is a lightning rod for controversy, unfortunately, but he's got an amazing podcast.

00:56:48.000 He's got this series called Fear and Loathing in the New Jerusalem.

00:56:51.000 And it starts out with the Jews being persecuted in Europe.

00:56:55.000 And he takes you through what it would have been like for those people and the gangs of people roaming down the streets, raping women.

00:57:03.000 Beating men to death in the streets.

00:57:05.000 And it's so crazy because it's real.

00:57:08.000 It happened.

00:57:09.000 And it was these people's neighbors.

00:57:11.000 And, you know, this was why they got so many people to move to Israel in the first place.

00:57:18.000 Yeah. Because when they said, look, we're setting up a state for just for Jews from all these Eastern European Jews are like, OK, we're in.

00:57:27.000 And they moved.

00:57:27.000 I mean, you know, and then.

00:57:29.000 And they've also been there since Christ.

00:57:32.000 I mean, they've been in Israel.

00:57:34.000 Even before that, right?

00:57:35.000 A couple weeks.

00:57:38.000 But I think it predates.

00:57:41.000 Doesn't it predate Jesus?

00:57:42.000 Yeah. I mean, I'm not a historian.

00:57:45.000 This isn't my whole life.

00:57:46.000 Let's find out.

00:57:46.000 Let's find out since we can.

00:57:48.000 What is the earliest...

00:57:51.000 When did Jews first settle the land that's now known as Israel?

00:57:56.000 It was Judea back then, right?

00:57:58.000 What was it called?

00:58:00.000 What was it initially called?

00:58:01.000 Miami. But also, this is like, you know, this is one of the reasons why this area is so contentious is because Christians really believe that when Jesus comes back, that's where he's going to come.

00:58:15.000 He's coming back to Jerusalem.

00:58:16.000 He's going to come back to Jerusalem like, are you fucking sure?

00:58:19.000 But here's another thing, too.

00:58:21.000 And I'm not, listen.

00:58:24.000 I'm not going to be that guy.

00:58:25.000 Oh, I had a Muslim.

00:58:26.000 There we go.

00:58:27.000 Jews have been a history in the land of Israel.

00:58:29.000 Their presence dating back to the second millennial BCE.

00:58:33.000 Okay. Settling in the area around 1,250 BCE.

00:58:39.000 So that predates Jesus by 1,250 years.

00:58:44.000 It's funny they call it before current era.

00:58:46.000 Like current era is not 2,000 years ago.

00:58:49.000 Just say before Jesus, you motherfuckers.

00:58:51.000 That's what I say.

00:58:52.000 Second millennial BCE, the Israelites, considered to be the ancestors of the Jewish people, emerged as an outgrowth of the southern Canaanites.

00:58:59.000 The Israelites entered Canaan in 1250 BCE, settling the hill country in the south.

00:59:05.000 10th century BCE, two Israelite kingdoms, northern kingdom of Israel and the southern kingdom of Judea, emerged.

00:59:12.000 Of Judah, rather, emerged.

00:59:14.000 The Kingdom of Israel was conquered by the Neo-Assyrian Empire in 722 BCE.

00:59:20.000 And in 586 BCE, the Kingdom of Judah was conquered by the Neo-Babylonian Empire.

00:59:26.000 538 BCE, the Persian Cyrus the Great ended the Babylonian exile and the Jews returned to their homeland.

00:59:34.000 So they've been there since 538 BCE, started in 1250 BCE.

00:59:39.000 So they were there before anybody.

00:59:41.000 Yeah. The Romans destroyed the second temple of Jerusalem in 70, current era, leading to the Jewish dysphoria.

00:59:49.000 Wow. Crazy fucking history of controversy in that one place.

00:59:54.000 48, the state of Israel was established.

00:59:55.000 Many Holocaust survivors welcomed it as a homeland.

00:59:58.000 Yeah, in 48. And since then, they've been at war.

01:00:02.000 And so they started settling.

01:00:03.000 Another wave of Jews started coming in 1904.

01:00:06.000 From 1904 to 1914.

01:00:09.000 So... Yeah.

01:00:12.000 538 BCE.

01:00:14.000 Yeah, but the problem is, we're Palestinians there, and they don't even have a country.

01:00:19.000 If you've got people that are right next to you that don't even have a country, what do they do if they're ruled by Hamas?

01:00:27.000 How do they fight back?

01:00:29.000 They are protesting in the streets now.

01:00:31.000 They are against Hamas.

01:00:32.000 Yeah, they get executed.

01:00:34.000 Did you just see that?

01:00:35.000 Yes. The big protest?

01:00:36.000 I just saw that.

01:00:37.000 Thousands and thousands of courageous people protesting in the street.

01:00:41.000 It's... They're like, we don't want any more of this.

01:00:43.000 Stop. Well, look what happened.

01:00:45.000 They got...

01:00:46.000 I mean, Kus of Israel's help got Assad out of Syria.

01:00:52.000 Now the rebels took over, but Assad killed...

01:00:55.000 Almost 500,000 of his own people tortured 100,000.

01:00:59.000 I mean, those are the numbers I read.

01:01:01.000 I don't know if they're exact, but he's gone.

01:01:04.000 There's a lot of controversy about Assad in Syria.

01:01:05.000 There's a lot of controversy about what actually happened and why we were backing the rebels.

01:01:13.000 We essentially backed ISIS, which is crazy.

01:01:18.000 We backed Al-Qaeda, which is just nuts.

01:01:21.000 But he was more dangerous.

01:01:24.000 In Syria.

01:01:26.000 According to Iran.

01:01:29.000 Well, also according to Israel, because Israel weakened Iran's military after they were attacked by Iran, who was supplying Assad with weapons.

01:01:41.000 You know what's really fucked?

01:01:42.000 Before Iran became a religious state, women were, like, wearing miniskirts.

01:01:48.000 They were hot.

01:01:50.000 There was freedom everywhere.

01:01:52.000 People were chilling.

01:01:54.000 It seemed almost like Europe.

01:01:56.000 Probably like a resort, vacation.

01:01:59.000 They were beautiful.

01:02:00.000 Oh, they were gorgeous women.

01:02:02.000 Persian women of incredible genes.

01:02:04.000 It's like you look at these photos.

01:02:07.000 See if you can find some photos of Iran early 1970s.

01:02:11.000 I was seeing some things on it this morning, actually, on the way over here.

01:02:15.000 Or before I left my house, I was seeing this.

01:02:18.000 It's so hard to imagine that a place that had a democratically elected leader was kind of almost European.

01:02:29.000 And then now, now it's just a full religious state.

01:02:34.000 And anybody who protests against the government gets assassinated.

01:02:38.000 They assassinated an Olympic gold medalist wrestler because he was...

01:02:43.000 Perceived to be protesting.

01:02:45.000 I don't even know if he actually protested.

01:02:46.000 It was like some things that you post online.

01:02:48.000 Like if women take off their headscarves, they can get killed.

01:02:52.000 It's crazy that a country can fall like that.

01:02:55.000 I don't get where gays or women or whatever are backing.

01:03:01.000 They're basically backing Hamas.

01:03:04.000 Yeah. I don't get it.

01:03:06.000 They're retarded.

01:03:07.000 I don't get it.

01:03:08.000 Because they just do the new thing.

01:03:09.000 What's the new thing?

01:03:10.000 Is it climate change?

01:03:11.000 Why am I yelling?

01:03:12.000 Climate change?

01:03:13.000 Okay, climate change!

01:03:14.000 Do Black Lives Matter?

01:03:15.000 Okay, Black Lives Matter!

01:03:17.000 It's all it is.

01:03:18.000 There's a lot of people out there that are just retarded, and those are the people that you see getting bust into these rallies, and there's just a lot of dopes that you can get to agree with almost anything.

01:03:27.000 And there's gay people for Hamas, believe it or not.

01:03:30.000 Trans people for Hamas.

01:03:32.000 It's fucking...

01:03:34.000 I know.

01:03:36.000 Blacks for the Klan.

01:03:37.000 It's hard to tell how many of them are real because there's a few people that troll online and they'll pretend, you know, I'm a trans woman, but I'm also a Muslim.

01:03:46.000 Like, okay.

01:03:46.000 They will throw you off a fucking roof, bitch.

01:03:49.000 No, there's none left.

01:03:51.000 There's no roofs left.

01:03:52.000 There's a couple of high points.

01:03:54.000 It's just hard to get to them.

01:03:56.000 Obviously, as a comic, I believe in the First Amendment.

01:04:01.000 I say shit that...

01:04:02.000 You can't cancel me.

01:04:04.000 Anyhow, I believe, and maybe I'm wrong and maybe you disagree.

01:04:08.000 I want to see your opinion.

01:04:10.000 Look at this.

01:04:11.000 Iran for the 1970s.

01:04:13.000 Look, girls in miniskirts looking hot.

01:04:15.000 That looks like...

01:04:17.000 Europe. Look at this.

01:04:18.000 Girls sitting in front of a car.

01:04:20.000 Cute little outfit on.

01:04:21.000 She'd be fucking killed doing that now.

01:04:23.000 Yeah. Look at the beaches in Iran in the 1970s.

01:04:26.000 Isn't that fucking crazy?

01:04:27.000 No litter.

01:04:28.000 Look at these.

01:04:28.000 God damn it.

01:04:29.000 Look at the tits on that one.

01:04:30.000 Hot. One lady, though, that was the future.

01:04:33.000 The future's in the lower right corner, covered up like Yoda.

01:04:37.000 It's crazy.

01:04:38.000 It's crazy.

01:04:39.000 That's what happened to that place.

01:04:41.000 Like, look at these people all hanging out, being free.

01:04:44.000 1979 is when it all went to shit.

01:04:47.000 And they call it the revolution, but...

01:04:49.000 I think it was U.S.-backed, son.

01:04:53.000 Okay, what's your opinion?

01:04:54.000 It's my opinion.

01:04:58.000 Free speech.

01:04:59.000 Protest all you want at colleges.

01:05:02.000 Protest wherever.

01:05:04.000 But take off the masks.

01:05:07.000 I think you should take off the masks, period.

01:05:08.000 I don't believe in a society where people walk around with their faces covered.

01:05:13.000 I think it's too dangerous.

01:05:15.000 It's a public safety issue.

01:05:17.000 It's too hard to identify criminals.

01:05:19.000 It's too hard to identify someone who commits a crime.

01:05:22.000 During the Vietnam protests, there was never a mask.

01:05:26.000 Those people were proud.

01:05:27.000 To protest against the Vietnam War.

01:05:30.000 But there also wasn't facial recognition.

01:05:32.000 Software and cameras in the sky.

01:05:34.000 It was like, you know, there's a lot of configurations.

01:05:36.000 That's true.

01:05:37.000 That's true.

01:05:37.000 But now they're hiding and they're committing, to me, some crimes on campus, I think.

01:05:47.000 Well, they're certainly doing a lot of things they shouldn't be allowed to do, like disrupting classes and screaming at professors.

01:05:53.000 And it's organized.

01:05:55.000 Yeah, it's organized.

01:05:56.000 And people join in because...

01:05:59.000 They want to be a part of the group.

01:06:01.000 And there's a lot of people in this world.

01:06:03.000 There's leaders and there's followers.

01:06:06.000 And there's a lot of followers.

01:06:07.000 More followers than leaders.

01:06:08.000 Yes, than leaders in the world.

01:06:10.000 So we'll get off of this because I know we're kind of...

01:06:13.000 You want your map back?

01:06:15.000 No, I have other things in there.

01:06:16.000 I have other good points in there.

01:06:19.000 It is a good point though, but it's like when you have people that are...

01:06:24.000 Bitter enemies like this.

01:06:25.000 These kind of conflicts take thousands of years to work through.

01:06:28.000 And in the case of Israel, it is thousands of years old.

01:06:34.000 It's... Look, how are they going to win anything through the UN when there's 22, 23 Arab countries in the UN and Israel?

01:06:46.000 So everything is going to be voted against.

01:06:48.000 Yeah. Israel.

01:06:50.000 They're 22, 23 fucking Arab.

01:06:55.000 Like I said, I can't solve or whatever.

01:06:59.000 Is it unfair?

01:07:03.000 Is it whatever?

01:07:06.000 My concern is what's going on in this country.

01:07:09.000 That's my main concern.

01:07:10.000 My daughter's going to college.

01:07:11.000 I don't want her to go to a college where she feels scared to go to class.

01:07:18.000 Where she feels threatened.

01:07:21.000 Just to be who she is.

01:07:23.000 Tell her to go to college in Texas.

01:07:24.000 Yeah, I know.

01:07:25.000 I wanted to go to, you know.

01:07:29.000 They have concealed carry on college campuses here.

01:07:32.000 You know, it's so...

01:07:34.000 Yeah, this is a different place.

01:07:36.000 It's a different time.

01:07:37.000 This is what America, like, is supposed to be in a lot of ways.

01:07:41.000 You know, it's supposed to be a lot more free.

01:07:42.000 Less laws.

01:07:45.000 But, you know, there's a lot of laws here that are kind of crazy.

01:07:48.000 You know, the abortion thing, the six-week thing.

01:07:51.000 Most women don't even know they're pregnant that quickly.

01:07:54.000 I think if a woman...

01:07:56.000 If a woman?

01:07:57.000 If a lady, a woman...

01:07:59.000 Okay, I told you I walked out in 11th grade.

01:08:02.000 If a lady, I think, does all her chores, I think once a week she should be able to wear slacks.

01:08:12.000 Abortion to me...

01:08:15.000 It's not really...

01:08:17.000 I think a man...

01:08:18.000 I could be wrong.

01:08:19.000 If you're married or you live with your spouse, the male might have, what, 20%, 25% of the decision, maybe 30%.

01:08:29.000 But some single guy probably never had a girlfriend, never lived with a girl.

01:08:34.000 Shut the fuck up.

01:08:36.000 Shut the fuck up.

01:08:37.000 You know what?

01:08:38.000 You just want to be part of something.

01:08:40.000 Well, people love controlling people, though.

01:08:42.000 They really do.

01:08:43.000 Which is why...

01:08:44.000 You know, those climate protests drove me fucking crazy where they would protest for climate change by blocking the highway.

01:08:51.000 Those fucking idiots.

01:08:52.000 All they want to do is control people.

01:08:54.000 That's what they want to do.

01:08:55.000 You're not changing anyone's mind.

01:08:57.000 No, not at all.

01:08:58.000 Holding a flag in the middle of the highway.

01:09:00.000 You're just pissing people off.

01:09:02.000 But you're controlling people by stopping traffic.

01:09:04.000 And that's what people like to do.

01:09:05.000 They like to control people.

01:09:07.000 And they don't know if somebody's...

01:09:10.000 Giving birth or somebody has to get to the hospital or for anything.

01:09:14.000 It's all self-centered.

01:09:17.000 I'm more important than you.

01:09:21.000 Don't paint on somebody with a fur.

01:09:23.000 They should turn around and fucking...

01:09:25.000 Beat the daylights out of them.

01:09:27.000 Or these fucking climate people walking into the Reich Museum or the Van Gogh and throwing paint on a fucking...

01:09:35.000 Or gluing yourself to the wall.

01:09:36.000 Yeah, what the...

01:09:37.000 It's crazy.

01:09:38.000 You see what they did at the Porsche dealership?

01:09:41.000 They glued themselves to the floor and the Porsche dealership, they just shut the lights off and left them in there.

01:09:46.000 Really? Yeah, fuck you.

01:09:48.000 They came back the next day.

01:09:50.000 They glued their hands to the floor.

01:09:51.000 They thought they were going to stop everything and they were like, okay, good.

01:09:54.000 We'll just shut the doors.

01:09:55.000 Shut the doors, leave them in there to shit themselves.

01:09:57.000 Good! Porsches are nice cars.

01:10:00.000 Why would they attack Porsches?

01:10:01.000 They're only doing it because they know it'll get attention.

01:10:04.000 That's all it is.

01:10:04.000 It's usually a bunch of very privileged rich kids, white kids, that come from a family that has a lot of wealth and to rebel against their parents or probably fucking investment bankers or something.

01:10:16.000 They decide they're going to fight climate change, man.

01:10:20.000 They don't even understand what they're fighting.

01:10:22.000 They don't understand the science.

01:10:24.000 They don't.

01:10:25.000 It's complex.

01:10:26.000 It's multilateralism.

01:10:27.000 And there's a lot of propaganda that's attached to what they call the green agenda.

01:10:32.000 Because the green agenda, like all things that are big and public, is profitable.

01:10:37.000 They have a bunch of companies that if they can get these laws pushed forward, they can have industries that emerge and their industry can benefit from all these laws.

01:10:48.000 And so they'll fund protests.

01:10:50.000 They'll get people to do things.

01:10:52.000 But it's all 4D chess.

01:10:54.000 There's all these multiple layers of things happening.

01:10:57.000 And then there's the inconvenient actual climate data that the Washington Post printed that showed that over the last 50 million years, we're in a decline.

01:11:06.000 The Earth is in a cooling period.

01:11:10.000 You probably know this, but for people who don't, there's never been a static temperature on Earth.

01:11:14.000 It's always gone up and down wildly.

01:11:17.000 It's unpredictable.

01:11:18.000 It has multiple factors.

01:11:22.000 Carbon is probably one of them.

01:11:25.000 But it's not the big one.

01:11:27.000 It's not all of it.

01:11:28.000 There's solar activity that you can't control at all.

01:11:32.000 Solar flares happen, and some of them happen.

01:11:34.000 They've happened in the early 1800s.

01:11:36.000 They blew out all the fucking Morse code systems.

01:11:39.000 There was a big solar flare in the 1800s.

01:11:45.000 Let's see if you can find that.

01:11:48.000 They could blow out the power grid.

01:11:50.000 Easy. Kill all the satellites.

01:11:51.000 Easy. What carbon is is food for plants.

01:11:56.000 It's the dumbest fucking thing to protest against.

01:11:59.000 Pollution is a giant issue.

01:12:01.000 Yeah, do we have an impact on the weather?

01:12:04.000 I'm sure we do.

01:12:04.000 We have an impact on fucking everything.

01:12:06.000 But CO2, net zero, all this shit, this is nonsense.

01:12:12.000 Carrington event.

01:12:14.000 Most intense geomagnetic storm recorded history peaking on...

01:12:18.000 1 to 2 September 1859, during a solar cycle tent, created strong auroral displays that reported globally and caused sparking and even fires in telegraph stations.

01:12:31.000 The geomagnetic storm was most likely the result of a coronal mass ejection from the sun colliding with Earth's magnetosphere.

01:12:39.000 So if we have some of those in the future...

01:12:44.000 It could do anything.

01:12:45.000 Let's see, a geomagnetic storm of this magnitude occurring today has the potential to cause widespread electrical disruptions, blackouts, and damage to the electrical power grid.

01:12:54.000 We've got real problems.

01:12:56.000 Real problems.

01:12:57.000 And you're not going to solve it with electric cars.

01:12:59.000 You're just not.

01:13:00.000 You're not going to solve it with windmills.

01:13:02.000 No. Look, if you drive...

01:13:06.000 Up the Jersey Turnpike or anywhere.

01:13:08.000 And the factories and the lights and all the smoke and all that shit.

01:13:13.000 Just everything.

01:13:15.000 All right?

01:13:17.000 Me turning off my light bulb is not going to make a fucking difference compared...

01:13:22.000 Particularly when you look at the emissions that come from China.

01:13:25.000 Yes. China is an enormous, enormous contributor to carbon emissions.

01:13:30.000 And not just carbon emissions, but pollutants, particulates.

01:13:33.000 They're not stopping.

01:13:34.000 They built 200 new coal plants.

01:13:38.000 You know, they're not going to stop.

01:13:40.000 No matter what we do, they're going to do what's best for China financially, period.

01:13:43.000 End of discussion.

01:13:45.000 All these conversations they're having about net zero.

01:13:48.000 Go fuck yourself.

01:13:49.000 You're not going to stop that.

01:13:51.000 Okay, and this is what...

01:13:53.000 They're looking out for their best interests.

01:13:56.000 That's what they're doing.

01:13:57.000 Just like every other fucking country is basically doing is survival.

01:14:04.000 And that's my point with Israel.

01:14:06.000 They're looking out for what's going to keep us from being extinguished off this fucking planet.

01:14:14.000 And, you know, whatever it takes.

01:14:16.000 That's what the Jews, and I'm getting back on this because you lost me on all that shit.

01:14:22.000 What the Jews need is a Malcolm X of Jews.

01:14:26.000 Oh boy.

01:14:28.000 Look, Malcolm X was great.

01:14:30.000 He didn't say go after the white man.

01:14:34.000 He said do what we have to do.

01:14:37.000 Why don't you do that?

01:14:38.000 Why don't you be the Malcolm X for the Jews?

01:14:40.000 Maybe that's your calling.

01:14:41.000 My vocabulary.

01:14:46.000 You know what I mean?

01:14:47.000 There's no way to...

01:14:48.000 Tighten that up a little bit?

01:14:50.000 I could a little, a little with Bonnie's help.

01:14:52.000 I fired my manager two weeks ago and I had her write it out for me because I knew I would have said something fucked up and mean.

01:14:59.000 Oh, that's smart.

01:15:00.000 And another thing, I go, hey listen, you know, seven years, it's time to move on and I hope we can still be friends.

01:15:10.000 And he went, definitely.

01:15:11.000 Not like, are you sure?

01:15:13.000 Maybe we could work this out.

01:15:15.000 It's like when you fucking leave a girl.

01:15:16.000 She's like, great.

01:15:17.000 Okay. Wait, whoa.

01:15:19.000 Come on, I added something.

01:15:21.000 Fight for me.

01:15:22.000 So, yeah, I would love to speak in colleges or maybe that's...

01:15:31.000 Let it cool down.

01:15:33.000 Give it a year or so.

01:15:34.000 Give it a year.

01:15:36.000 I probably wouldn't be able to get to the auditorium.

01:15:40.000 Trump said the wildest shit about Gaza.

01:15:42.000 We're going to turn it into the Mediterranean of the Middle East.

01:15:45.000 What? We're going to take it.

01:15:48.000 But he keeps saying, and I don't follow...

01:15:52.000 You know, if you don't release the hostages, there's hell to pay.

01:15:57.000 Well, what has hell...

01:15:59.000 What has he done to help release the hostages?

01:16:04.000 I mean, now they're being attacked by fucking Yemen.

01:16:07.000 You know, I mean, what...

01:16:10.000 I don't know.

01:16:13.000 Release the fucking hostages, and then maybe things...

01:16:15.000 How many hostages are left now?

01:16:17.000 What is it, 70?

01:16:20.000 I don't know, because they keep dropping it.

01:16:22.000 You know, four hostages for a thousand prisoners or whatever.

01:16:26.000 Is that what they're doing?

01:16:28.000 Whatever. It's a trade-off.

01:16:29.000 How many prisoners?

01:16:30.000 They got to give them for a hostage.

01:16:32.000 And, you know, this would have never went on in this country.

01:16:36.000 We would not have put up for it.

01:16:37.000 I mean, we did with Carter with the Iranian hostages.

01:16:42.000 Yeah, 200.

01:16:44.000 They were there for what?

01:16:45.000 Two years?

01:16:46.000 Well, they kept him there until Reagan was in office.

01:16:49.000 Yeah. They kept him there until after the election.

01:16:53.000 That was part of the deal.

01:16:54.000 Yeah. Part of the deal was you release these folks after Reagan takes over so that Carter can get credit for it.

01:17:00.000 Yeah. I'm sure.

01:17:01.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:17:02.000 That was written.

01:17:03.000 Imagine you're in there and you're like, Jesus Christ, I've got to be in here for four more months so this guy gets credit.

01:17:10.000 It's fucking crazy.

01:17:12.000 Well, did you hear?

01:17:13.000 I didn't see it.

01:17:14.000 I only read what?

01:17:16.000 These reporters and journalists, what she said on 60 Minutes, do you think the hostages didn't feed you because they ran out of food?

01:17:25.000 Oh, that Hamas didn't feed the hostages?

01:17:27.000 Yeah, Leslie Stahl said that in an interview.

01:17:29.000 Did she really say that?

01:17:30.000 In an interview, look it up.

01:17:31.000 She said that to one of the hostages.

01:17:33.000 Do you think they didn't...

01:17:34.000 And don't quote me because this is what I read.

01:17:37.000 I don't want to get sued by Leslie, whoever.

01:17:39.000 But I think she said what I read.

01:17:42.000 Do you think the...

01:17:44.000 The captors didn't feed you because they ran out of food.

01:17:47.000 That's a crazy thing to say to someone who's a hostage.

01:17:50.000 Yeah, I mean...

01:17:50.000 That's crazy.

01:17:51.000 On fucking 60 Minutes, a journalist, how do you say something like that?

01:17:56.000 That's a crazy thing to say.

01:17:57.000 But they're bad.

01:17:58.000 The problem with these 60 Minutes journalists is the same problem with what they did with the Kamala Harris interview where they took a bumbling answer and edited it out and put an answer that she gave to something else in its place to make it look like she gave succinct, clear-cut answers.

01:18:14.000 It's not really journalism.

01:18:17.000 They're not doing journalism.

01:18:19.000 That's not a question you say to a hostage.

01:18:21.000 When you're talking to a hostage, you want to find out what the experience was like in as compassionate a way as you can to talk to this person who's been through hell.

01:18:34.000 You don't ask them, do you ever think that maybe they didn't feed you because they didn't have any food themselves?

01:18:40.000 Well, here you go.

01:18:42.000 Look at what their face looks like and look at the sunken in faces of the starving to death hostages.

01:18:47.000 Well, obviously they didn't give them any food, so shut up.

01:18:51.000 You can't watch their news.

01:18:55.000 You can't because you're going to go.

01:18:56.000 It's not news anymore.

01:18:57.000 No, it's clickbait and it's fucking.

01:19:00.000 It's a business and it's a shitty business.

01:19:02.000 It's not good at doing what it does and it's all bought and paid for by pharmaceutical drug ads and it's just not the news.

01:19:10.000 It's not.

01:19:12.000 You get some information that you can learn, but it's not like the unbiased, this is what happened, this is what caused it, this is what's being done now.

01:19:22.000 It's not that.

01:19:23.000 It's like halfway, they're kind of almost activists.

01:19:26.000 I had an argument with somebody close to me, because I go on Gutfeld, I try to go on once a month, like I said, and she says, oh, you're pro-Trump.

01:19:41.000 I go, I'm not pro anything or anti anything.

01:19:45.000 I go, I go on.

01:19:47.000 Where else is a comic going to sit for an hour?

01:19:50.000 Try to be funny.

01:19:51.000 On TV?

01:19:52.000 Yeah, on TV.

01:19:52.000 For an hour.

01:19:53.000 There's not much left.

01:19:54.000 And it's definitely not going to be on the left because they're not going to let me say the things that I get away on the Gutfeld show.

01:20:01.000 And it's a great show.

01:20:02.000 I mean, it's...

01:20:03.000 If you say something funny, they laugh.

01:20:05.000 It's, to me, the closest to tough crowd.

01:20:07.000 Right. To me.

01:20:08.000 I see what you're saying.

01:20:09.000 Not quite, but I know what you're saying.

01:20:10.000 Not quite, but it's, I mean, it's fun.

01:20:13.000 And it gets whatever views.

01:20:17.000 And I said to this person, you worked with the pharmaceutical companies for 30 years, and you're going to tell me.

01:20:24.000 Did they really?

01:20:25.000 Yeah. And you're going to go on your high horse about me doing a show that's going to help my career and build numbers.

01:20:32.000 And, well, it's not the same.

01:20:34.000 No. It's worse.

01:20:36.000 It's way worse.

01:20:37.000 It's way worse.

01:20:38.000 The pharmaceutical drug companies are responsible for who knows how many deaths and injuries.

01:20:43.000 Yeah, they do good, too.

01:20:44.000 Absolutely. Some pharmaceutical drugs are great, but you can't be on your high horse.

01:20:49.000 You work for them.

01:20:49.000 That's crazy.

01:20:51.000 In any other business, they'd be in jail.

01:20:54.000 They'd be in fucking jail.

01:20:57.000 If you lied about what your product does and it kills a bunch of people, you're in jail.

01:21:02.000 Can we talk about one of the reasons I'm here?

01:21:05.000 I don't know if you remember this.

01:21:07.000 I hope you do.

01:21:09.000 I had this torn rotator cuff.

01:21:12.000 And you said, come down.

01:21:13.000 Yeah, we're going to get you some stem cells.

01:21:15.000 Now... What's the BPC?

01:21:18.000 BPC-157.

01:21:19.000 Is that better?

01:21:20.000 Which is better for?

01:21:22.000 The stem cells or the BPC?

01:21:24.000 There's no one better.

01:21:25.000 They're all very good.

01:21:26.000 BPC-157 is called Body Protection Compound 157.

01:21:30.000 It's a peptide that helps heal soft tissue damage.

01:21:33.000 So do stem cells.

01:21:35.000 All those different things are good.

01:21:36.000 Because I'm not getting my...

01:21:39.000 Shoulders operate on.

01:21:40.000 It's like a six-month...

01:21:42.000 It's rough.

01:21:43.000 And it doesn't always work.

01:21:45.000 So what exactly is wrong with your shoulder?

01:21:47.000 Well, this is a torn rotator cuff right here.

01:21:49.000 I even brought the disc, the x-ray.

01:21:52.000 Oh, great.

01:21:53.000 Did you do any exercises for it?

01:21:55.000 Did you do any rehabs for it?

01:21:56.000 Not yet, because I was waiting to do this to see where this took me and how I would go from there.

01:22:03.000 But exercises are always good, like bands, like band work, where you do these kind of things.

01:22:08.000 You keep a towel pressed to your body so you hold it in place and do these rotations with bands.

01:22:15.000 All those things are good just to keep everything strong anyway.

01:22:18.000 Do you do any of that stuff?

01:22:20.000 Not those yet.

01:22:21.000 I tried.

01:22:23.000 You ever hang from a chin-up bar?

01:22:24.000 You ever do this?

01:22:25.000 No, for a torn rotator?

01:22:26.000 Yeah, just to strengthen and to release some pressure in your shoulders.

01:22:32.000 Oh, really?

01:22:33.000 No, I couldn't.

01:22:33.000 It's good for shoulder health in general to hang from a chin-up bar.

01:22:37.000 And if you can't hang, what you do is, like, get on a box or something that brings you to the height of the bar and just hang a little.

01:22:44.000 Just get some weight on it until you can hang fully.

01:22:48.000 I mean, look, I can...

01:22:49.000 I could still play golf.

01:22:51.000 I could swing like this.

01:22:52.000 That's good.

01:22:52.000 So they're totally fucked.

01:22:54.000 Okay. So when I went to the doctor...

01:22:56.000 There's a lot of things you can do.

01:22:58.000 Rehabilitation things you can do that'll help you.

01:23:00.000 Here's the only thing, and I could be wrong.

01:23:02.000 You'll know.

01:23:04.000 When they said, you know, rehab to build up the muscle.

01:23:09.000 But I'm...

01:23:10.000 67, how much more muscle am I building up?

01:23:14.000 If you're 167, you can build muscle.

01:23:15.000 That's a silly way to look at it.

01:23:16.000 Oh, really?

01:23:17.000 Okay. 100%, if you're alive, that means your body's recovering.

01:23:22.000 Yeah. So that means your body's generating tissue.

01:23:24.000 That means you can build muscle.

01:23:25.000 Okay? If you can go play golf, you can build muscle.

01:23:28.000 Yes. 100%.

01:23:29.000 If you're 80 fucking years old and a woman, you can build muscle.

01:23:32.000 I mean, I work out still.

01:23:34.000 I just certain exercises I can't do.

01:23:36.000 Yeah, just you need to do...

01:23:38.000 Exercises that rehabilitate your shoulder.

01:23:40.000 Yeah. You can't just expect it to get better on its own.

01:23:43.000 You're going to have to put it through some work to strengthen the muscles around it.

01:23:46.000 Well, I'm going to, like I said, after I do this...

01:23:49.000 When are you leaving?

01:23:50.000 When are you flying out?

01:23:51.000 Wednesday. Okay, great.

01:23:52.000 So we'll get you in tomorrow morning.

01:23:53.000 No worries.

01:23:54.000 Cool. Get you in the waist well, and we'll set it up.

01:23:57.000 Did I bring the show to a dead hole with my map?

01:23:59.000 No! I thought it was a good conversation.

01:24:02.000 Yeah, it's good.

01:24:03.000 It's a good map.

01:24:04.000 You know, I got more stuff.

01:24:05.000 I don't want to imagine.

01:24:07.000 Listen, I printed out a bunch of stuff.

01:24:09.000 I don't want to go back and have my fucking dumb Jew friends going, hey, you didn't bring anything up.

01:24:13.000 Oh, is that what they do?

01:24:14.000 Yes. Well, stop talking to them.

01:24:19.000 Then my wife, don't say anything stupid.

01:24:22.000 Is that what she said?

01:24:23.000 Sorry, Bonnie.

01:24:28.000 You know, be funny.

01:24:29.000 I was pretty funny.

01:24:32.000 Listen, I'm a good interview.

01:24:35.000 You're fine.

01:24:36.000 You're doing fine.

01:24:36.000 You know what the best, not your best, what a great show would be?

01:24:43.000 What? Me, Colin, and Norton in here.

01:24:46.000 Oh, that'd be phenomenal.

01:24:47.000 That'd be phenomenal.

01:24:49.000 Just like, tough crowd.

01:24:50.000 Yeah. You probably couldn't do it today unless you did it on the internet.

01:24:54.000 But you could still do it on the internet.

01:24:55.000 Like, Colin should really bring it back.

01:24:57.000 I know.

01:24:57.000 There's plenty of guys that could still do it.

01:24:59.000 Like, Norton would be fucking phenomenal at it.

01:25:01.000 We just did Norton's podcast.

01:25:03.000 Me, Colin, and Norton.

01:25:04.000 Whatever podcast.

01:25:06.000 He's got 12 of them.

01:25:08.000 And it was...

01:25:09.000 One of the most funniest things when it comes out you'll ever hear.

01:25:12.000 Us three together, it's like a fucking...

01:25:14.000 You get back in the old groove again, you know?

01:25:16.000 Yeah, because we're just there to have fun.

01:25:20.000 We're there to have fun.

01:25:22.000 Tough Crowd and Opie and Anthony were huge for comedy.

01:25:26.000 Huge. Because Opie and Anthony, one of the things that they did that was brilliant is they just let us just go wild.

01:25:32.000 Just be ourselves.

01:25:33.000 They didn't really try to control it at all.

01:25:36.000 You know, Anthony would jump in with some funny shit, but the whole show was like, bring on a bunch of comics, have him talk a bunch of shit, give him the reins.

01:25:45.000 I mean, I was in there one day, Anthony was eating a piece of cake, I walked by him and smacked it out of his hand.

01:25:54.000 He laughed as hard as anybody on the planet, because...

01:26:03.000 The times we had in there.

01:26:05.000 I was on there with...

01:26:08.000 Were you with me when they brought in Marion Barry?

01:26:11.000 No. You weren't there?

01:26:14.000 You weren't there?

01:26:15.000 Marion Barry?

01:26:16.000 Marion Barry, the fucking...

01:26:17.000 The mayor.

01:26:18.000 The mayor of Washington, D.C. They got arrested for smoking crack.

01:26:21.000 No, you were in there with him?

01:26:22.000 Yes. Oh, that had to be a blast.

01:26:24.000 We grabbed him.

01:26:25.000 We grabbed him.

01:26:25.000 I thought you were in there.

01:26:26.000 Norton was in there for sure.

01:26:27.000 He was next door doing something and doing another interview.

01:26:32.000 And he was in the hallway.

01:26:34.000 And I think Opie said, Marion Barry's in the hallway right now.

01:26:37.000 I'm like, let's go get him.

01:26:39.000 And we got him.

01:26:40.000 We brought him in.

01:26:41.000 And I started asking him about crack.

01:26:43.000 He was like, well, nobody knows what was in that pipe.

01:26:45.000 I'm like, well, you know.

01:26:46.000 You know.

01:26:47.000 You fucking know.

01:26:48.000 What were you smoking that wasn't crack?

01:26:50.000 That's almost crazier.

01:26:51.000 You know, oh, really?

01:26:53.000 You smoked tobacco out of a glass pipe?

01:26:55.000 One of my favorites is when he was running for re-election, which he eventually won after he got out of jail.

01:27:01.000 They ask these people, do you have a problem with the fact that the mayor used to smoke crack?

01:27:05.000 They interviewed this guy in the street.

01:27:06.000 He goes, oh, everybody has to smoke a little crack every now and then.

01:27:09.000 I was like, oh, this conversation's over.

01:27:11.000 This conversation's over.

01:27:15.000 I remember the times, and I was in there one time, Pete Rose, Bobby Kelly, Ricky Gervais, right?

01:27:27.000 And fucking Pete Rose called me.

01:27:29.000 He goes, you look like some rat-faced soccer player.

01:27:34.000 Whatever he said, it was very funny.

01:27:36.000 Whatever Pete Rose said was very fucking funny.

01:27:39.000 So I walk over to Bobby.

01:27:42.000 Then I walk past Bobby.

01:27:43.000 And I walk past Pete Rose.

01:27:46.000 And I sit down.

01:27:47.000 And Pete Rose says, why are you out of breath?

01:27:50.000 I go, because I had to walk around you two.

01:27:53.000 You fat fucks.

01:27:55.000 Right? But you could say anything you wanted on that show, and it didn't...

01:28:04.000 Yeah, because I never went on it until it went to XM.

01:28:08.000 I was never on it when they were on Terrestrial Radio, when they got kicked off Terrestrial Radio, and then they got on XM.

01:28:15.000 And when they were on XM, it was wild.

01:28:17.000 It was like the first time.

01:28:19.000 It was like Howard, when Howard got on XM, or Sirius, I guess, at first.

01:28:23.000 Before they merged and then the ONA show was on XM like this is fucking crazy.

01:28:30.000 This is crazy.

01:28:30.000 This is basically green room talk.

01:28:34.000 Green room talk for the whole world.

01:28:36.000 Well, okay, so I brought Patrice into ONA.

01:28:40.000 Did you really?

01:28:40.000 Yeah, I brought him in.

01:28:41.000 Wow. He fucking smashed me the day I walked him in.

01:28:45.000 Because we went through the back.

01:28:47.000 We went through this way.

01:28:48.000 Now he goes, what do you think?

01:28:49.000 This is good, fellas.

01:28:50.000 You walked me through the back.

01:28:51.000 You couldn't take me through the front door.

01:28:54.000 So he became a fixture on it.

01:28:57.000 So one day we're in fucking O&A.

01:28:59.000 And I'm driving this little Porsche Boxster.

01:29:02.000 He's driving this big Escalade.

01:29:05.000 Because he's a fucking buffet molester.

01:29:08.000 And he's in this.

01:29:09.000 So he's saying, he's trashing one of my Rolexes going, you're a fucking selfish douchebag driving a Porsche.

01:29:17.000 To me.

01:29:19.000 So you can't have people.

01:29:20.000 And I'm not thinking, well, maybe if you didn't eat fucking pound cake or whatever, you wouldn't eat a big S. But he's beat me down bad.

01:29:30.000 I mean, fucking killing me.

01:29:32.000 I'm speechless.

01:29:33.000 Right? Speechless.

01:29:35.000 He's fucking just pounding me.

01:29:38.000 And I walk out of there.

01:29:39.000 So the next day or two days later, I go online.

01:29:43.000 And he's trashing my car.

01:29:45.000 I look at the price of my car, new, and the price of his car.

01:29:49.000 And I send it to him.

01:29:50.000 I go, look, my shitty car costs more than your car, new.

01:29:55.000 And he calls me and goes, you're still thinking about this?

01:30:01.000 He goes, really?

01:30:02.000 You're thinking about it right now.

01:30:03.000 Still, to this day, you're arguing with him.

01:30:06.000 No, I'm not.

01:30:06.000 I could have.

01:30:07.000 I should have.

01:30:12.000 I would drive him home.

01:30:16.000 One night I was driving him back to Jersey City.

01:30:19.000 And I go to the bathroom.

01:30:21.000 And we're walking up to his house.

01:30:23.000 And he says, oh, man, I don't have a manager.

01:30:26.000 An agent.

01:30:29.000 Nothing's going on.

01:30:30.000 I go, I can't get work.

01:30:32.000 I don't have an agent either.

01:30:35.000 Nothing. And we just both started cracking up and walking.

01:30:38.000 It was the funniest thing.

01:30:41.000 We were reading for the head of a sitcom for ABC, me and Patrice.

01:30:47.000 We were going to be the leads of this sitcom.

01:30:50.000 So we go into the head of casting at Marcy Phillips.

01:30:57.000 He doesn't want to be there, and I can't act.

01:31:01.000 So, basically, I'm not a good, at the time.

01:31:05.000 So, he won't take his face out of the fucking copy.

01:31:10.000 And I'm trying to read with him the scene, and he won't look at me.

01:31:14.000 And Marcy Phillips is yelling at me, going, what are you doing?

01:31:18.000 I go, this fucking guy won't connect with me.

01:31:21.000 How can I act with somebody that won't look at me?

01:31:23.000 And she goes, can you two please leave?

01:31:26.000 We laughed.

01:31:27.000 All the way down the hallway.

01:31:29.000 We laughed.

01:31:30.000 We just got kicked out of an audition as the leads of sitcom, and we just cracked up all the way.

01:31:38.000 Because it just, to us, was the funniest.

01:31:41.000 Being funny in the moment.

01:31:43.000 The idea of you getting a sitcom was so unlikely.

01:31:45.000 It was always all so unlikely that when it failed, like if you went on an audition and it fucked up, you're like, eh.

01:31:51.000 It wasn't going to happen anyway.

01:31:52.000 You never thought this is going to be it.

01:31:54.000 Never once.

01:31:55.000 No. Never.

01:31:56.000 Never. I walked out of an audition once.

01:32:00.000 I just got back from Aspen.

01:32:02.000 I had a lot of heat in Aspen, but this is when my anxiety...

01:32:06.000 I've had anxiety my whole life.

01:32:10.000 21... I was hospitalized for anxiety and they didn't know what it was.

01:32:13.000 They thought you were just nuts and gave you Thorzine and Haldol and you shuffled around like a crazy man.

01:32:20.000 So explain to me what it feels like.

01:32:22.000 What is this anxiety?

01:32:24.000 When I had it bad, well I felt so disconnected that even when I talked it felt like an echo almost.

01:32:35.000 Like I was outside of myself.

01:32:38.000 Like, if I look in the mirror, I'm going, who am I looking at?

01:32:41.000 It was just so disconnected.

01:32:44.000 And you were 21?

01:32:45.000 Yeah, 21. Smoking pot and stuff.

01:32:48.000 Oh, well, that's it.

01:32:49.000 Well, some of it was probably, where am I going in life?

01:32:53.000 What am I doing?

01:32:54.000 And you're getting high.

01:32:55.000 And I'm getting high.

01:32:55.000 Which is like, ooh!

01:32:57.000 If you're freaking out and you get high, ooh!

01:32:59.000 Do you have to pee right now?

01:33:01.000 No, why do you?

01:33:02.000 Because you said you have to go to the bathroom.

01:33:03.000 You were talking about your story then.

01:33:05.000 Okay. Because I was like preparing to like cut it off and let you go to the bathroom.

01:33:09.000 No, no, no.

01:33:10.000 This is the best day of my life.

01:33:12.000 Except for the fucking map.

01:33:14.000 The map turned out great.

01:33:16.000 It turned out a little conversation.

01:33:19.000 I had to talk.

01:33:22.000 It's Monday.

01:33:25.000 Thursday. The Thursday ones are so much better.

01:33:27.000 I'm Monday.

01:33:29.000 So my anxiety.

01:33:33.000 Wait, what did it feel like?

01:33:36.000 When you say it overwhelmed you to the point you had to go to the hospital, was your heart beating?

01:33:41.000 I didn't know what was going on.

01:33:44.000 It turned into panic or whatever.

01:33:46.000 I was so fucked up.

01:33:49.000 I was selling meat and seafood out of a car, out of a truck, some businesses back then.

01:33:58.000 I went into this therapist.

01:34:00.000 Help me.

01:34:01.000 I'll give you some free steaks and seafood.

01:34:03.000 And I was just out of my fucking mind.

01:34:06.000 And I get anxiety talking about it.

01:34:08.000 It really gives you a little anxiety.

01:34:10.000 So my friends go, let's take him to Florida.

01:34:12.000 He needs a vacation.

01:34:13.000 We drove to Florida.

01:34:14.000 I was there for a day.

01:34:15.000 I said, I got to get the fuck out of here.

01:34:18.000 Take me home.

01:34:19.000 And we drove there and drove back.

01:34:21.000 Then I checked into the hospital.

01:34:25.000 The fifth floor, basically, for fucking cuckoos.

01:34:30.000 Because they really didn't know what anxiety was back then.

01:34:34.000 Isn't that crazy?

01:34:35.000 Because that's not that long ago in human history.

01:34:37.000 Well, I mean, it was 40-something years ago.

01:34:40.000 But isn't it nuts?

01:34:40.000 Just like in the last 40 years, how much they've learned.

01:34:44.000 Well, yeah, but also, too, it's easier to say that person's nuts, give him Thorazine, Hal, whatever antipsychotic drugs there are.

01:34:54.000 And I swear to God, you know, my day was...

01:34:59.000 And then I would shuffle.

01:35:02.000 I would shuffle around the floor with this girl.

01:35:07.000 I mean, this one girl.

01:35:09.000 We shuffled.

01:35:10.000 My friends came up to see me, and I'm like, I can't see you today.

01:35:14.000 We're going for a walk.

01:35:16.000 You know, I was like one fluid acoustic.

01:35:18.000 I was fucking out of my mind.

01:35:20.000 So... That could have been you for the rest of your life.

01:35:22.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:35:24.000 So, I know.

01:35:26.000 Well... Because I did do acid in my day, and people sometimes do that shit and never come back.

01:35:32.000 Never come back.

01:35:33.000 And I saw that on Dragnet.

01:35:36.000 It's in real life.

01:35:37.000 Yeah, it is real life.

01:35:38.000 Stern's talked about that.

01:35:39.000 He did a big dose of acid once, and he was fucked up for a long time.

01:35:42.000 It'll fuck you up.

01:35:43.000 There's a guy from Pink Floyd that disappeared.

01:35:45.000 I hope it's fucking Roger Waters.

01:35:47.000 No. How dare you?

01:35:49.000 How dare I?

01:35:50.000 How dare you?

01:35:52.000 What's his name again?

01:35:54.000 Shine on You Crazy Diamond?

01:35:56.000 Oh, you mean he did ass injuries?

01:35:58.000 Yeah. It's not just one person.

01:36:01.000 There's been a lot of people that had an acid trip and just never came back.

01:36:06.000 Yeah, my brother did it when we were doing it.

01:36:08.000 He was real young, and he was having a bad trip, and I had to babysit him the whole day.

01:36:13.000 Yeah, it's fucking scary.

01:36:15.000 Yeah, that's it.

01:36:17.000 David Gilmour.

01:36:19.000 Written by David Gilmour.

01:36:21.000 But it's not, it's about, who was it about?

01:36:24.000 Sid Barrett, that's right.

01:36:25.000 Sid Barrett.

01:36:26.000 Did acid.

01:36:27.000 Went crazy.

01:36:28.000 See? Right there.

01:36:29.000 Departed from the ban in 1968 after dealing with the mental health problems and substance abuse.

01:36:34.000 The story is he never came back.

01:36:36.000 It's crazy.

01:36:38.000 That drug is so uncontrollable.

01:36:41.000 Well, also, what's the dose?

01:36:44.000 An effective dose is a droplet on your tongue.

01:36:47.000 Which is crazy.

01:36:48.000 Well, we were doing blotter or windowpane, four-way windowpane.

01:36:53.000 Who's making that?

01:36:53.000 They're not making it in the same labs where they're making Tylenol.

01:36:56.000 They're making it in some fucking Grateful Deadhead's basement.

01:37:00.000 Oh, too much goes into that drop.

01:37:03.000 So, I got out of the hospital and for years, I don't know however long it took, it passed.

01:37:13.000 Life started getting better, whatever.

01:37:17.000 Then, and I would get anxiety.

01:37:19.000 It would come and go.

01:37:21.000 But back then, I didn't know what it was.

01:37:23.000 It turned into panic.

01:37:26.000 So then when I was 40, I would watch my kids.

01:37:31.000 After I got divorced, I would have my kids every day.

01:37:34.000 I would work nights, and I'd watch my, I guess, four- and six-year-old.

01:37:41.000 My wife would either drop them off, or I would pick them up.

01:37:46.000 Then drop them off.

01:37:46.000 I would have them in the days.

01:37:48.000 My day was my kids.

01:37:49.000 Whatever. Go to the park.

01:37:52.000 Do this.

01:37:52.000 Do that.

01:37:53.000 Just watch my kids.

01:37:54.000 So then they went off to school full time.

01:38:02.000 First grade.

01:38:04.000 So now I'm at 40 years old living in some fucking third floor apartment.

01:38:12.000 Divorced from my first wife.

01:38:14.000 Bouncing off of fucking walls again.

01:38:17.000 I mean, fucking 40 years old.

01:38:19.000 No purpose.

01:38:20.000 No, just, I'm going, I gotta quit comedy.

01:38:23.000 I gotta go into the psych ward.

01:38:24.000 I'm fucked up.

01:38:26.000 This is fucked up.

01:38:27.000 So I found this therapist who was also, and I was already sober.

01:38:33.000 I found this therapist that was in recovery, and he basically brought me back, you know, some medication.

01:38:43.000 Through his partner who was a psychiatrist.

01:38:46.000 He was a therapist.

01:38:47.000 Great. I could talk.

01:38:48.000 I could say anything to him.

01:38:50.000 Whatever, you know.

01:38:52.000 And then it just got better.

01:38:57.000 And then I realized and worked knowing whatever anxiety I feel, it'll pass.

01:39:06.000 Nothing lasts forever.

01:39:08.000 It'll pass.

01:39:10.000 Like, I had a little anxiety.

01:39:11.000 For the last week, thinking about this, I go, what, you know?

01:39:14.000 Really? A little bit, because, and we're friends, and I've done podcasts, and Bonnie goes, shut up and be funny.

01:39:21.000 Be whatever.

01:39:22.000 You know, a million things went through my fucking head.

01:39:26.000 Because, I mean, shit, you've had fucking Trump on, Elon Musk, you know what I mean?

01:39:30.000 And that's my low self-esteem, because, of course, I should be doing everything in my mind.

01:39:37.000 Do you see what I'm saying?

01:39:38.000 Does that make sense?

01:39:39.000 But, Even when I did Tough Crowd, I was on 30 times.

01:39:45.000 Every episode, I had anxiety until it started.

01:39:48.000 Every special or everything I've ever done, anxiety for the first second, I walk out, boom, gone.

01:39:56.000 All right?

01:39:57.000 Well, that's because you care.

01:39:58.000 I mean, what you're calling anxiety is just nerves.

01:40:02.000 Yeah. If you're doing something that's difficult or something that's important to you, you're going to have nerves.

01:40:08.000 It's normal.

01:40:10.000 It's healthy.

01:40:11.000 That shows you're challenging yourself, which is one of the most important things you can do in life to stay vibrant.

01:40:19.000 You have to challenge yourself.

01:40:21.000 When I did the Trump, when we roasted Trump, this was a fryer's roast, right?

01:40:28.000 It's when they broke away from Commie Central, right?

01:40:32.000 They broke away.

01:40:34.000 So, it's at Hilton in New York, 2,000 people.

01:40:40.000 Anybody that meant anything in New York, from club owners, agents, managers, celebrities, they were all there.

01:40:48.000 So the first act goes up, this guy, Stewie Stone, old-time Catskill comic.

01:40:54.000 He kills like no one I've ever seen kill on a roast.

01:40:59.000 Fuck you, Trump.

01:41:00.000 Fuck your casinos.

01:41:01.000 Fuck you.

01:41:02.000 Just fucking slaughtered.

01:41:05.000 Right? And I'm sitting on the dais.

01:41:07.000 I'm sitting next to Isaac Hayes.

01:41:10.000 Opie and Anthony are there.

01:41:11.000 My father, his wife, Bonnie, before I married her.

01:41:15.000 And he, I go, I'm going to end my career.

01:41:20.000 I go, I'm going to end my career.

01:41:24.000 Okay. Then Susie Essman goes up.

01:41:28.000 Slaughters. Slaughters.

01:41:31.000 I guess.

01:41:32.000 Amorose wrote her some funny jokes, and she's great at roasts.

01:41:36.000 And I was ready to sneak off the fucking, just leave.

01:41:40.000 I go, it might be better if I leave than go up.

01:41:44.000 Well, then Belzer went up.

01:41:48.000 Took a little wind out of the room.

01:41:50.000 Took a little, you know.

01:41:52.000 So, Regis Philman was the host.

01:41:57.000 It was...

01:41:59.000 Three weeks after Rodney Dangerfield died.

01:42:02.000 Three weeks.

01:42:04.000 They introduced me.

01:42:06.000 I go, big hand for Regis.

01:42:10.000 Originally, they asked Rodney to host, but he said he'd rather be dead.

01:42:15.000 Three weeks left, right?

01:42:20.000 Zero. Almost zero, right?

01:42:23.000 Really? Right.

01:42:24.000 I go, don't fuck with me.

01:42:26.000 I'll bring Belzer back.

01:42:29.000 And then Al Sharpton was sitting on the dais.

01:42:33.000 I can't believe I said this, but back then it was okay.

01:42:36.000 He wasn't roasting, but he was on the dais.

01:42:39.000 And that's when he was running for president.

01:42:42.000 And I said, the only way you'll get on the White House property is with a lantern in your hand.

01:42:48.000 I said to him, so fuck him, I didn't care.

01:42:50.000 And then I got him back.

01:42:52.000 Three of the jokes that I said.

01:42:55.000 We're the ones that were printed in the newspapers.

01:42:59.000 You know, the one I did, I go Trump.

01:43:01.000 The reason Trump puts his names on his buildings is so the banks know which ones to take back.

01:43:06.000 And that was 20 years ago.

01:43:08.000 But it was the most terrifying moment.

01:43:13.000 Next to doing Dev Jam as the first white guy was one of the most terrifying moments in my...

01:43:20.000 I mean, I'm going to end my career.

01:43:22.000 But Dev Jam...

01:43:24.000 You know, Def Jam was on for five years.

01:43:27.000 The number one show on HBO.

01:43:30.000 I go, okay, we're going to use a white guy.

01:43:32.000 It's me.

01:43:33.000 Right? So now I got white comics.

01:43:35.000 You better be funny.

01:43:36.000 I have black...

01:43:37.000 White comics are saying that to you?

01:43:39.000 You got to represent us?

01:43:40.000 Yeah. Really?

01:43:41.000 Which ones?

01:43:43.000 I want to know who they are.

01:43:44.000 This was 20 years ago.

01:43:46.000 The white comics that were doing black rooms back then.

01:43:48.000 Oh, I see.

01:43:49.000 You know what I mean?

01:43:50.000 Then there was black comics.

01:43:51.000 Man, I'm doing it and they're not.

01:43:53.000 You know what I mean?

01:43:55.000 So they're taping in New York five nights.

01:43:59.000 This is funny.

01:44:00.000 Five nights.

01:44:01.000 Was that when they were filming in Harlem?

01:44:04.000 It was...

01:44:05.000 I don't know.

01:44:06.000 It was in New York five nights at some theater.

01:44:09.000 And it was the year...

01:44:11.000 I did it the fifth year when they had a different guest host every night.

01:44:15.000 Like Martin Lawrence wasn't one night, one show Chris Rock, Chappelle, Jamie Foxx, and Steve, what's his name?

01:44:24.000 Harvey. Harvey was my host, you know.

01:44:27.000 So, I'm going every night.

01:44:30.000 I mean, I went one night, and it was just so funny.

01:44:34.000 Like, Guy Torrey would come out and do the warm-up.

01:44:39.000 And he would say, listen, this is not the Apollo.

01:44:42.000 There's no fucking booing here.

01:44:44.000 This is HBO.

01:44:45.000 We don't boo, right?

01:44:47.000 This is a whole other level.

01:44:49.000 We don't want to hear any booing.

01:44:52.000 So this comic comes out.

01:44:55.000 He walks out.

01:44:56.000 And with a black audience, if you're wearing the wrong sneakers, you're in trouble.

01:45:00.000 Believe me.

01:45:01.000 I used to do a lot of these.

01:45:02.000 You know, he comes out in like Reeboks.

01:45:04.000 He's wearing an all-gold suit.

01:45:07.000 And his first joke in New York is, I just want to say I'm not from New York.

01:45:12.000 I'm from Canada, right?

01:45:15.000 Oh, no.

01:45:16.000 He's bombing so bad.

01:45:18.000 And when a black audience can't boo you, all you heard in the room was, mm, mm, mm, mm.

01:45:29.000 Child, mm.

01:45:31.000 It was brutal.

01:45:34.000 So, I'm like...

01:45:36.000 Now, they're taped five nights, two shows a night.

01:45:41.000 I'm on the last night, second show, and I go second to last.

01:45:48.000 Now, all the comics that were still in town, that were the celebrity hosts, were at the taping.

01:45:56.000 I'm going, this is one of the scariest moments of my life.

01:46:00.000 I mean...

01:46:00.000 You know, no white guy.

01:46:02.000 Steve Harvey brings me out.

01:46:04.000 He goes, well, our next act is something we haven't seen or special, whatever.

01:46:10.000 And Russell made me wear his clothing.

01:46:13.000 I got fat farm on and these baggy pants, you know.

01:46:18.000 And I look back on it because it was 25 years.

01:46:23.000 It would be different.

01:46:25.000 I pandered a lot.

01:46:28.000 You know what I mean?

01:46:29.000 I did grow up in that neighborhood, but I'm out like this.

01:46:33.000 And it worked out, luckily.

01:46:37.000 But I look back and go, I would never do that now from 25 years ago.

01:46:44.000 The pandering and just talking like I'm fucking from the hood and shit.

01:46:52.000 And I had a good set.

01:46:54.000 It worked out.

01:46:56.000 But it was the second scariest moment in my career.

01:47:00.000 But listen to what you just said.

01:47:02.000 Both scariest moments of your career worked out great.

01:47:04.000 Yes. They always, yeah.

01:47:06.000 So, wouldn't that eventually build some confidence?

01:47:09.000 Oh, I have confidence.

01:47:11.000 Okay. It doesn't sound like it.

01:47:12.000 Oh, no.

01:47:13.000 I'm just telling you scary moments.

01:47:15.000 Listen, you always got to question yourself in this business because you want to get better.

01:47:23.000 You want to...

01:47:26.000 And you just, I don't know.

01:47:29.000 I question myself.

01:47:30.000 I go, I have, not again, not an ego.

01:47:36.000 I have a reputation to live up to of the stuff I've done in this business.

01:47:41.000 So I come out and people are going, look, Bobby and Keith, we were at the cellar one night.

01:47:52.000 I go, I got a spot at the underground.

01:47:56.000 They go, we're going to come over and watch you bomb.

01:47:58.000 That sounds like Keith.

01:48:00.000 Keith and Bobby, right?

01:48:02.000 So, so, Nikki Glaser's on.

01:48:08.000 Killing. Killing.

01:48:09.000 Not the cleanest, but funny.

01:48:11.000 I don't give a fuck what somebody does.

01:48:13.000 She's funny, and she was killing.

01:48:16.000 So, I went on.

01:48:18.000 And my first two jokes, I had, they killed.

01:48:24.000 And I go, see, Bobby, see, Keith, I can follow anybody, right?

01:48:29.000 Right. Well, then, I didn't know this.

01:48:31.000 They went into the back corners of the room, and after every joke, they would go, oh, oh.

01:48:42.000 And they had the whole audience turn on me going, what's going on?

01:48:48.000 I would say a joke that might have been a little edgy, and they would go, oh, real loud.

01:48:54.000 And so the whole audience is going, what's this guy doing up there?

01:49:00.000 They're groaning him.

01:49:02.000 One table goes, what's going on here?

01:49:05.000 And I'm fucking bombing now because these two fucking jamokes are in the back of the room going, oh my god.

01:49:13.000 It's so fucking funny, Bobby and Keith.

01:49:20.000 Well, that was the culture.

01:49:22.000 The culture of comic culture was like constant busting balls.

01:49:26.000 Constant busting balls.

01:49:28.000 Somebody would go on stage and we would all go downstairs and sit in like the front row and watch.

01:49:36.000 There's nothing worse you could do for a comic than your friends sit in the front row and stare at you.

01:49:41.000 You're like, what are you doing, man?

01:49:43.000 When Kevin Hart was leaving New York to go to fucking L.A., he threw himself a little go-away fucking show at Boston Comedy Club.

01:49:51.000 You remember Boston Comedy Club?

01:49:53.000 Sure. So he's on stage pontificating, doing whatever.

01:49:58.000 And I don't know why, but me, Keith, and Patrice were in the back of the room.

01:50:03.000 And there was like 10 phone books back there.

01:50:07.000 And he's up, and we started throwing phone books at him.

01:50:10.000 Phone books?

01:50:11.000 Yeah, they were just in the club from, I guess they were delivered there, all these phone, and we're throwing phone books at Kevin Hart.

01:50:18.000 And he says, on interview, he goes, I knew I was accepted when they were throwing phone books at me.

01:50:26.000 I knew I was part of the crew, you know.

01:50:29.000 But we were just heaving phone books out of, like, fucking three assholes in the back of the room, I mean.

01:50:37.000 And we would just...

01:50:38.000 It was just fun.

01:50:40.000 It was probably the most fun I've had in comedy when we would just stand out.

01:50:48.000 Me, Patrice, Keith, and Norton.

01:50:53.000 Till three and four in the morning in front of Boston just trashing each other.

01:50:58.000 Just talking shit.

01:50:59.000 Yeah. Just, you can't replicate that.

01:51:04.000 It can't happen again.

01:51:06.000 It was just so funny.

01:51:07.000 Keith is, he's fun if you see him around, you know, or Norton or Bobby, but it was so much fun.

01:51:15.000 I heard Keith is killing it now, even with his strokes.

01:51:20.000 His special, we were at the tape and the fact that he didn't win an Emmy, it was so fucking good, his special.

01:51:29.000 He painted a picture when he was taught.

01:51:32.000 You could see everything he was saying.

01:51:35.000 Him in the hospital, him with a stroke.

01:51:38.000 It was so good.

01:51:39.000 I walked out of there going, this is the best thing I've ever seen.

01:51:43.000 It was so good.

01:51:45.000 He was so good.

01:51:49.000 I don't know why he didn't...

01:51:51.000 I mean, it's...

01:51:51.000 Who gives a fuck about the Emmys?

01:51:53.000 Fuck off.

01:51:55.000 Everybody knows how good it was.

01:51:57.000 All those fucking awards...

01:51:58.000 Award shows for art, to me, are some of the most ridiculous things.

01:52:01.000 Really? How many fucking albums...

01:52:04.000 Oh, I don't even want to say her name, but...

01:52:06.000 They don't know.

01:52:07.000 They don't know funny.

01:52:09.000 It doesn't matter.

01:52:09.000 You're right.

01:52:10.000 It doesn't.

01:52:10.000 It's just an industry way that they can celebrate each other, and then they put on a show, and the show generates money, and they make a bunch of money from the show, and then it becomes a thing they hold over your head.

01:52:20.000 Maybe you can win a Grammy.

01:52:21.000 Maybe you can win an Emmy.

01:52:22.000 Maybe you can win this.

01:52:23.000 You've got to be a part of the club.

01:52:25.000 Like, look what happened to Chris.

01:52:26.000 He wanted to be a part of that group, doing the Oscars, and he gets smacked by Will Smith.

01:52:32.000 They don't arrest him, and then 10 minutes later, or whatever it was, Will Smith's on stage receiving the Academy Award, and they give him a standing ovation.

01:52:39.000 It's fucking insanity.

01:52:42.000 It's Hollywood.

01:52:43.000 That shows you what these people are.

01:52:45.000 To want their love and their respect is pointless.

01:52:50.000 It's so true.

01:52:51.000 They don't even know what they like.

01:52:52.000 They like whatever everybody tells them to like.

01:52:54.000 They don't understand what their support...

01:52:56.000 It's just a bunch of people wanting to be a part of the group that's the in-group.

01:53:02.000 Like, what do we have to do?

01:53:03.000 What do I have to say?

01:53:03.000 What do I have to agree with?

01:53:04.000 That's all it is.

01:53:06.000 Years ago...

01:53:08.000 And it's true.

01:53:09.000 If that was Chappelle, he wouldn't have smacked Chappelle.

01:53:11.000 Because Chappelle's a little cut, a little bigger.

01:53:14.000 Well, I don't know.

01:53:15.000 The whole thing was crazy.

01:53:16.000 That poor guy.

01:53:17.000 One move.

01:53:18.000 He does one move.

01:53:19.000 Now everybody remembers nothing but that forever.

01:53:22.000 But what?

01:53:22.000 Fuck I Am Legend.

01:53:23.000 Fuck Ali.

01:53:24.000 All those different things he did that were awesome.

01:53:26.000 Nobody cares anymore.

01:53:27.000 He's like, that's the guy that smacked Chris.

01:53:29.000 Every day he's got to wake up in the morning and go, fuck.

01:53:32.000 That one thing.

01:53:34.000 Fuck. If he hadn't done that, if he just ate it, and by the way, not even bad jokes.

01:53:39.000 Nothing. G.I. Jane, like that's the most fucking, that was a powerful movie.

01:53:43.000 It was a great movie.

01:53:44.000 Yeah. About a strong woman.

01:53:45.000 Like it's not even really an insult.

01:53:47.000 It was just silly to smack a guy like that and then that's your thing forever.

01:53:52.000 People are going to remember that?

01:53:53.000 Yeah. Crazy.

01:53:55.000 Yeah. Crazy blunders, you know?

01:53:57.000 And that probably comes from not having anxiety, by the way.

01:54:01.000 That comes from having too much confidence.

01:54:03.000 Confidence. Too much.

01:54:04.000 Too much.

01:54:05.000 Too much of a belief in yourself.

01:54:07.000 Too much of a belief.

01:54:08.000 Yes. In your own importance.

01:54:10.000 That you can interrupt this entire enormous award show.

01:54:14.000 The biggest award show in the industry.

01:54:15.000 That you're set up to receive a fucking Academy Award in about an hour.

01:54:20.000 Or whatever it was.

01:54:21.000 You're going to go up there and smack a guy on TV?

01:54:24.000 Why would you do that?

01:54:25.000 Because he doesn't have that anxiety.

01:54:27.000 So your anxiety shields you from doing something like that.

01:54:30.000 Yeah, the fear and the insecurity sometimes is good.

01:54:36.000 Sometimes it's good for you.

01:54:38.000 The lack of insecurity can be the worst thing.

01:54:41.000 If you're too cocky, it's...

01:54:44.000 Yeah, they say be humble.

01:54:46.000 Be humble, you know.

01:54:49.000 And I thought Chris handled it as well.

01:54:53.000 Let's see, what can he do?

01:54:54.000 What can he do other than run off the stage?

01:54:57.000 Yeah. Which he probably should have just walked off after he got smacked.

01:55:01.000 He tried to keep going.

01:55:03.000 Yeah, he's...

01:55:03.000 I worked with him on both Oscars he hosted.

01:55:08.000 And he is the nicest guy on the planet.

01:55:11.000 I guess if you're...

01:55:12.000 I don't know.

01:55:13.000 Just from working with him, you know.

01:55:16.000 Yeah, he's a very nice guy.

01:55:16.000 He's a nice guy.

01:55:18.000 Also, he's harmless.

01:55:20.000 Like, you can't smack a harmless person.

01:55:22.000 That's crazy.

01:55:23.000 Yes, I'll tell you what.

01:55:24.000 If that was Tony, there would have been a fight.

01:55:26.000 If that was Tony Rock, there would have been a fight.

01:55:29.000 Oh, yeah.

01:55:30.000 Oh, yeah.

01:55:31.000 Well, Tony went off on stage, like, right afterwards about it.

01:55:34.000 Yeah. Tony's a different dude.

01:55:37.000 But Chris, like, is, like, almost if it was anybody but Chris, you know?

01:55:41.000 I mean, you can't do that to anybody else.

01:55:43.000 It's crazy.

01:55:44.000 If you did it to Kevin Hart, Kevin Hart would crack him.

01:55:46.000 The whole thing is crazy.

01:55:47.000 It was crazy.

01:55:48.000 It didn't make any sense.

01:55:50.000 It's like the guy's in some sort of a very bizarre relationship with his wife.

01:55:55.000 And, you know, whatever internal conflicts they have just manifested itself in a terrible decision that he made.

01:56:03.000 If he would have said that about my wife, I would have smacked her and said, laugh.

01:56:10.000 It's funny.

01:56:12.000 Come on.

01:56:13.000 But, you know, not being able to take a joke is one of the worst qualities that people can have.

01:56:19.000 Do you take yourself so seriously when someone says something funny, you can't laugh as well?

01:56:25.000 That's crazy.

01:56:26.000 You're missing out on laughs.

01:56:27.000 You're missing out on your own joy.

01:56:32.000 Like, you should have joy about someone making fun of you, and you're great at that.

01:56:36.000 You're great at that.

01:56:36.000 It's one of the best things about you on ONA, is that when they would crack on you, you would laugh.

01:56:41.000 It's so...

01:56:42.000 They were good jokes.

01:56:44.000 They were funny.

01:56:45.000 They were on time.

01:56:46.000 And if I was, at times, lucky enough to come back with something, then I would.

01:56:50.000 If not, then I sucked.

01:56:51.000 The last time I did Kill Tony a couple weeks ago, and I told a joke, and Tony goes, that's the oldest joke in history.

01:57:00.000 And I go, yeah, I wrote it.

01:57:03.000 Okay, so shut the fuck up.

01:57:05.000 But it was a great episode because...

01:57:11.000 He fucked with me and I took it.

01:57:13.000 Well, Kill Tony's one of the only places left where that kind of fucking with people is like openly encouraged.

01:57:19.000 That kind of fucking with people is like, I mean, and Tony's the best roaster on the fucking planet.

01:57:23.000 He's quick.

01:57:24.000 He's like Norton.

01:57:26.000 He's so quick, you think he, just like Norton.

01:57:28.000 He's so quick, you think he wrote it in advance.

01:57:31.000 Yeah, he's quick.

01:57:32.000 And it's off the cuff.

01:57:33.000 He does it all the time.

01:57:34.000 He does it in the green room.

01:57:35.000 He does it everywhere he goes.

01:57:36.000 Well, but here's the thing, too.

01:57:38.000 He's done that show for, what, 10 years or more?

01:57:40.000 Yes. He's built that muscle in his head where, boom.

01:57:44.000 Yep, yep.

01:57:48.000 Automatic that something's going to come back.

01:57:50.000 Well, when you host a show like that, too, you understand the rhythm of the show, the beats of it.

01:57:54.000 And he's so good at letting other people shine.

01:57:58.000 He's really good at...

01:58:00.000 He wants you to do well.

01:58:01.000 He doesn't feel upstaged if Shane comes on as Trump or when Kyle was doing...

01:58:07.000 Kyle did RFK Jr., and he also did Elon Musk.

01:58:12.000 Who, Kyle Dunnegan?

01:58:13.000 Yes. Yeah, he's so good.

01:58:14.000 Fucking brilliant.

01:58:15.000 That guy is...

01:58:17.000 Fucking brilliant.

01:58:18.000 He's so good.

01:58:18.000 He's so funny.

01:58:19.000 He is so fucking funny.

01:58:21.000 Yeah. And then you had Adam Ray, who did Dr. Phil, which was fucking amazing, and Biden.

01:58:26.000 It's crazy.

01:58:27.000 The show's so good.

01:58:28.000 I did Kill Tony twice with Adam Ray, and he's fun to be with.

01:58:33.000 One, they love him.

01:58:34.000 Yeah. They love him.

01:58:37.000 But... He laughs and gives you your due, too.

01:58:40.000 I've done radio with Gervais.

01:58:42.000 Gervais is a big laugher.

01:58:43.000 If you say something funny, he'll laugh and crack up.

01:58:47.000 You know what I mean?

01:58:48.000 And you've got to have that.

01:58:52.000 If it's funny, they don't get jealous or get mad and go, I'm going to outdo that.

01:58:58.000 They laugh.

01:58:59.000 Well, the people that do suck.

01:59:01.000 No one who does that is any good.

01:59:02.000 What's that?

01:59:03.000 No one who does that is any good.

01:59:04.000 No. No one who's like, oh, I gotta do better than him.

01:59:06.000 Yeah, it's stupid.

01:59:08.000 You're missing out on the whole thing.

01:59:09.000 That's not what we're doing.

01:59:10.000 It's a show.

01:59:11.000 It's a show.

01:59:13.000 It's whatever.

01:59:14.000 Hey, I gotta piss.

01:59:15.000 Let's come back.

01:59:15.000 We'll come right back.

01:59:16.000 So, I heard...

01:59:18.000 You heard...

01:59:20.000 The stem cell...

01:59:23.000 I can't do stuff for a couple weeks.

01:59:27.000 You can do things.

01:59:28.000 Golf? Yeah.

01:59:29.000 For sure.

01:59:30.000 With a stem cell?

01:59:31.000 Yes, of course.

01:59:32.000 If it gets shot into me Wednesday, what's tomorrow?

01:59:36.000 Tuesday. I could play golf Thursday.

01:59:38.000 Yes. What about the BPC?

01:59:40.000 Yes. Oh, really?

01:59:42.000 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:59:43.000 You just can't lift heavy weights for a while.

01:59:44.000 Oh, I'm not going to lift heavy weights.

01:59:46.000 That's all it is.

01:59:47.000 Just don't tear it apart while it's building back up.

01:59:49.000 That's the whole idea.

01:59:50.000 Don't aggravate it.

01:59:51.000 Does that hurt when you do that?

01:59:53.000 No. Then don't worry about it.

01:59:55.000 Not really.

01:59:55.000 You'll be fine.

01:59:56.000 A little.

01:59:56.000 No. Well, you should be doing rehabilitation.

01:59:58.000 You should have already.

01:59:59.000 I'm looking at your shoulders right now.

02:00:00.000 They fall apart on their own.

02:00:02.000 You've got to exercise.

02:00:04.000 If you're having injuries with your shoulders and the muscles around them and people are telling you to strengthen them, you should listen to those people.

02:00:10.000 They're right.

02:00:10.000 Well, no.

02:00:11.000 Listen, I went to physical therapy for my back and it's working.

02:00:17.000 So why wouldn't you do it for your shoulder?

02:00:19.000 Because I was waiting to do this shit first.

02:00:21.000 That would help.

02:00:22.000 All of it would help.

02:00:23.000 The more muscles you have around your shoulder, the better it is.

02:00:27.000 It was only two or three weeks ago we said go to physical therapy.

02:00:30.000 I go, well, he wanted to cut my shoulder.

02:00:32.000 I said, I'm not cutting it.

02:00:33.000 I'm going to try the BPC and the stem cells.

02:00:37.000 You can definitely heal soft tissue injuries without surgery.

02:00:40.000 The real issue is when tendons are separated and they need to be put back in place and reconnected.

02:00:47.000 That's the real issue.

02:00:48.000 Well, a lot of people tour.

02:00:50.000 Rotator cups.

02:00:50.000 Oh, yeah.

02:00:51.000 Tear rotator cups.

02:00:52.000 Yeah, I had a torn rotator cup.

02:00:53.000 I think I did it.

02:00:55.000 I was doing upright rows with 50-pound kettlebells, and I think that was too heavy or too much.

02:01:03.000 So you got a trainer, Rich.

02:01:04.000 Huh? Get a trainer.

02:01:07.000 I'm doing all right.

02:01:09.000 I mean, I know how to work out.

02:01:11.000 Obviously, you need some help.

02:01:13.000 Nothing wrong with a little bit of help.

02:01:18.000 Look, do you want to get better or not?

02:01:19.000 Yes. Okay, get a professional.

02:01:21.000 You're saying get a trainer for my shoulder or for my hold?

02:01:24.000 For your shoulder for everything, for all of it.

02:01:26.000 So someone show you how to do it right so you're not hurting yourself.

02:01:28.000 Well, I think I'm doing triceps and biceps right.

02:01:33.000 I know I am.

02:01:34.000 I'm doing lats right.

02:01:35.000 Show me the guns.

02:01:37.000 Well, they're not.

02:01:38.000 Then how do you think you're doing them right?

02:01:39.000 They're not bad.

02:01:40.000 That's ridiculous.

02:01:41.000 What, small?

02:01:42.000 It's tiny.

02:01:42.000 Oh, listen.

02:01:44.000 It's there.

02:01:45.000 I mean, I can see it.

02:01:46.000 It's hard.

02:01:47.000 Is it?

02:01:48.000 My chest is nice.

02:01:50.000 You want me to do my chest?

02:01:51.000 Do you want to see my chest?

02:01:53.000 No, I'm good.

02:01:53.000 I'll take my chest out.

02:01:54.000 No, no, no.

02:01:55.000 There's no reason to do that.

02:01:56.000 My lats and traps are good.

02:01:58.000 Okay. Look, for almost 68, I think I look better than most people I went to school with.

02:02:07.000 That's good.

02:02:08.000 I think...

02:02:08.000 Look, I work out all the time, but I maintain.

02:02:14.000 Okay. I maintain it.

02:02:16.000 I feel like a therapist.

02:02:17.000 I feel like I'm helping you through your life.

02:02:18.000 You are helping me.

02:02:19.000 From the moment you got in here.

02:02:20.000 You are helping.

02:02:21.000 I feel like I'm helping to guide you.

02:02:22.000 No, get a fucking professional that knows how to work out and build yourself back up to the point where you're not having these kind of injuries.

02:02:30.000 Yeah, and rehabilitate it correctly.

02:02:32.000 When they tell you to do physical therapy on your shoulder, fucking do it.

02:02:35.000 I'm gonna do it!

02:02:36.000 If you waited three weeks, you're 68. You only have a few years left.

02:02:41.000 Fix it.

02:02:41.000 So then what the fuck?

02:02:42.000 I only have a few years, so...

02:02:44.000 Well, do it.

02:02:45.000 You want a few years left in fucking working order.

02:02:50.000 Fucking listen, Bonnie.

02:02:52.000 I mean...

02:02:53.000 You should listen to Bonnie.

02:02:57.000 You're right.

02:02:58.000 I'm gonna fucking...

02:02:59.000 Do you think...

02:03:04.000 I'm never going to get my arms bigger than that.

02:03:06.000 That's ridiculous.

02:03:07.000 Of course you could.

02:03:07.000 At 68, you get your arms bigger.

02:03:10.000 Yeah, 100%.

02:03:10.000 Yeah. The reason why your arms exist at all is because your tissue is regenerating.

02:03:16.000 Your tissue is...

02:03:17.000 You're healing and you're getting better.

02:03:19.000 Yeah. You 100% can get stronger.

02:03:22.000 100%. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

02:03:26.000 You would get stronger.

02:03:27.000 I have nice lats and nice chest.

02:03:30.000 You could be 87 and still get stronger.

02:03:32.000 As long as you're alive, you can get stronger.

02:03:35.000 Because if your heart beats, if your hormones work, if you can move around, that means your body can repair itself.

02:03:42.000 Well, I won't do...

02:03:44.000 What is it that gets you hard?

02:03:49.000 Viagra? No, no.

02:03:51.000 Cialis? No, not the drug that makes you...

02:03:57.000 Testosterone? Yeah, testosterone.

02:04:00.000 What's it called?

02:04:01.000 Testosterone. You won't do that?

02:04:03.000 Well, because it makes it, it leads to prostate cancer.

02:04:09.000 No, it doesn't.

02:04:09.000 That's what my doctor told me.

02:04:10.000 Your doctor's wrong.

02:04:11.000 He died.

02:04:12.000 It's incorrectly.

02:04:13.000 Your doctor's an idiot.

02:04:14.000 He died two years ago.

02:04:16.000 What hope do I have?

02:04:17.000 He doesn't know the real studies.

02:04:18.000 There's a guy named Brigham Bueller who runs ways to well who could explain the flaws in that study that showed that it gave people prostate cancer.

02:04:27.000 Look, people get prostate cancer.

02:04:29.000 Testosterone's not giving you prostate cancer.

02:04:31.000 It's like across the board, the same percentage of people that take testosterone or don't take testosterone get prostate cancer.

02:04:38.000 There's probably a ton of variables.

02:04:42.000 It has to do with diet.

02:04:43.000 A lot of cancer has to do with diet.

02:04:45.000 Fuel of cancer is sugar.

02:04:47.000 Do you eat a lot of sugar?

02:04:49.000 I stopped for a year.

02:04:50.000 I'm going to get back on.

02:04:53.000 I eat pretty fucking good.

02:04:55.000 For the last month and a half, I haven't.

02:04:58.000 For a year.

02:05:00.000 Yeah. There's environmental factors.

02:05:02.000 There's genetic factors.

02:05:03.000 There's a lot of different things.

02:05:04.000 But, you know, if you want to take care of yourself, testosterone will actually make your body heal better.

02:05:10.000 You'll feel better.

02:05:10.000 You'll have more energy.

02:05:12.000 Your immune system will function better.

02:05:14.000 Everything will work better.

02:05:15.000 You should have your hormones balanced.

02:05:17.000 We live in a time where you can get a full blood panel and find out where your nutrient levels are.

02:05:23.000 And if you do it with a good doctor, what they'll do is they'll adjust your diet and your nutrients first and then see in a couple months what your levels are then and then find out how much are you sleeping.

02:05:34.000 Are you sleeping right?

02:05:35.000 Well, there's a problem there because then your body's not recovering.

02:05:38.000 So you've got to figure out a way to adjust something in your life to make you sleep better.

02:05:44.000 And then after that, once they get everything all worked into its optimum range, you're doing all the right things, they go, what are your levels now?

02:05:52.000 Okay, well, add a little.

02:05:53.000 Add a little bit of testosterone.

02:05:56.000 Peptides that'll increase your body's ability to promote growth hormone.

02:05:59.000 There's stuff like samoralin that makes your body produce more growth hormone so your body repairs itself better like when you're younger.

02:06:06.000 There's all rigorous science behind all this stuff.

02:06:10.000 I'll get Brigham to explain it to you.

02:06:12.000 He'll do a much better job than me.

02:06:13.000 Who's that you got tomorrow?

02:06:14.000 He's the guy who owns WasteWell.

02:06:15.000 He's been on the podcast.

02:06:17.000 He's testified in front of Congress.

02:06:19.000 I'll bring the disc.

02:06:21.000 Bring the maps too.

02:06:22.000 He'll love the maps.

02:06:23.000 Let me tell you something about these maps.

02:06:25.000 These maps?

02:06:25.000 I printed this shit out.

02:06:27.000 I see.

02:06:28.000 Looks like your printer needs ink.

02:06:32.000 Pretty dull.

02:06:33.000 Listen to me.

02:06:34.000 Fix your eyes.

02:06:35.000 My eyes work pretty good.

02:06:37.000 You want to see some other statistics I got?

02:06:40.000 Oh. What else you got?

02:06:41.000 No, I don't want to get into this.

02:06:42.000 Please don't.

02:06:42.000 Did you see those girls land today?

02:06:44.000 The Blue Origin?

02:06:45.000 They shot that metal dick up into space?

02:06:47.000 Yeah. People were mad they wouldn't let the ladies drive.

02:06:51.000 Katy Perry and someone else.

02:06:51.000 Katy Perry, Lauren Sanchez, Jeff Bezos' wife.

02:06:55.000 If that thing blew up and if Jeff Bezos' wife blew up with it...

02:07:00.000 Twitter thinks that the capsule is too clean.

02:07:03.000 They don't think it was real.

02:07:04.000 Obviously. Of course, Twitter doesn't think space is real.

02:07:08.000 There's a whole community out there.

02:07:09.000 Hashtag space is fake.

02:07:12.000 Oh, yeah.

02:07:13.000 There's really retarded people who think the earth is flat and that there's a firmament.

02:07:17.000 Look at that.

02:07:19.000 They think birds aren't real.

02:07:21.000 Did they land?

02:07:22.000 Is it over?

02:07:23.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:07:23.000 They did it?

02:07:24.000 Yay! How'd they land?

02:07:25.000 In the ocean?

02:07:26.000 Not in the desert.

02:07:27.000 How long did they go for?

02:07:28.000 Parachutes. They land with parachutes?

02:07:30.000 So the thing lands with a parachute?

02:07:32.000 I'll show you a video.

02:07:33.000 Oh, yeah.

02:07:34.000 Let me see.

02:07:34.000 I want to see the video.

02:07:35.000 Oh, that's them in the middle of the desert?

02:07:37.000 Wow. One second.

02:07:38.000 It looks different than that.

02:07:40.000 That has to be crazy.

02:07:41.000 Would you do that, Rich?

02:07:43.000 Would you go to space?

02:07:46.000 Probably not.

02:07:47.000 You think you'd get anxiety if you went to space?

02:07:49.000 I don't even like Ferris wheels.

02:07:52.000 Well, those two things are very different.

02:07:55.000 Is that it?

02:07:56.000 You know what?

02:07:58.000 Let's see the landing.

02:08:02.000 How long do they go for?

02:08:05.000 Very soft, soft landing.

02:08:08.000 Look at this.

02:08:08.000 Here it is.

02:08:09.000 Imagine, from space, and the only thing we got to land you is a parachute.

02:08:14.000 Like one of the oldest technologies.

02:08:17.000 Wow. You can hear them in there.

02:08:20.000 Blue eyes.

02:08:20.000 Screaming. Wow.

02:08:24.000 How long?

02:08:25.000 How long were they up there?

02:08:26.000 I don't know.

02:08:28.000 Not long.

02:08:29.000 Isn't it funny that they screamed?

02:08:30.000 Do you think the men would scream like that?

02:08:32.000 Would you and I scream like that if we landed?

02:08:34.000 Well, I don't know about you, but I know me.

02:08:36.000 Look at that one.

02:08:37.000 Look at that go back.

02:08:38.000 The one below it.

02:08:44.000 I'll tell you what I'll never do is clap when a pilot lands.

02:08:47.000 You don't do that?

02:08:48.000 That's his fucking job.

02:08:50.000 It's true.

02:08:51.000 What if it's a female pilot?

02:08:54.000 I wouldn't have got on the plane.

02:08:56.000 No. There was a bunch of them in a row where I was like, Jesus Christ.

02:09:03.000 The Delta one in Canada where it flipped upside down?

02:09:06.000 Yeah, can you imagine?

02:09:07.000 The lady just started landing planes recently.

02:09:09.000 Like, yeah, take that one out on the icy runway.

02:09:11.000 Here's $30,000.

02:09:12.000 No, I'll wait for the lawsuit.

02:09:14.000 Blue Origin declined to say how much the flight cost or who paid for it.

02:09:17.000 The trip came two months before Sanchez and Bezos to marry in Venice.

02:09:20.000 Oh, they're going to marry in Venice in two months.

02:09:23.000 Oh, they haven't married yet.

02:09:24.000 Oh, okay.

02:09:25.000 I thought they were married.

02:09:26.000 That's hilarious.

02:09:27.000 They're going to do it in Venice.

02:09:28.000 Oh, how beautiful and romantic.

02:09:31.000 Wow. Yeah, you can't tell people how much it costs because then there's gonna be retards like,"That money could have housed so many houseless, so many unhoused could have benefited.

02:09:45.000 How many poor people?" These fucking retards are like,"If Elon Musk gave a million dollars to everyone on earth, he'd have money left over." There's all these mathematicians out there that are fucking constantly want to comment on other people's money.

02:09:59.000 How convenient!

02:10:01.000 And those people would fuck up that money, too.

02:10:04.000 It's all the rich people are the problem.

02:10:07.000 I'm rich, but I'm not as rich as the richest people, so everybody richer than me is a problem.

02:10:13.000 Fucking house, too.

02:10:14.000 All these people.

02:10:15.000 All these fucking people.

02:10:16.000 Yes, I own three homes, but I'm a United States senator.

02:10:20.000 And I'm worth millions and billions of dollars, but everyone richer than me is the problem.

02:10:25.000 It's the rich, rich, rich people.

02:10:27.000 Not the regular, regular rich.

02:10:29.000 Oh, that tour.

02:10:30.000 There's so many.

02:10:31.000 Him in AOC.

02:10:33.000 Yeah, tax the rich.

02:10:34.000 Remember she had that fucking dress she wore?

02:10:36.000 Tax the rich.

02:10:37.000 How about fuck off?

02:10:39.000 What are you going to do with the taxes?

02:10:40.000 That's the problem.

02:10:41.000 When Doge is uncovering $250 million that was spent on animal transgender studies where you're fucking chopping the dicks of mice and turning them into pussies.

02:10:51.000 Fuck off.

02:10:52.000 Fuck off with your tax the rich.

02:10:54.000 How about you fix the world without taxing the shit out of everybody?

02:10:59.000 How about...

02:10:59.000 There's other ways.

02:11:01.000 I can't even tell you what I sent the other day to the IRS.

02:11:05.000 It's just fucking...

02:11:06.000 And I'm, you know, just a regular fucking...

02:11:10.000 You know, so much money.

02:11:12.000 Well, they were complaining about Elon.

02:11:13.000 Elon doesn't pay taxes.

02:11:15.000 Elon paid more taxes last year than any human being that has ever walked the face of this nation.

02:11:25.000 That's a fact.

02:11:26.000 So shut the fuck up.

02:11:27.000 It's like, there's never, it's never enough.

02:11:30.000 And people that don't have, always look at people that do have, like, well, you could do with that money.

02:11:36.000 Well, you could do with your money, you fuckhead.

02:11:39.000 1%. In the world, do you know what it is?

02:11:41.000 If you're a 1%-er?

02:11:43.000 In the world.

02:11:43.000 You know what it is?

02:11:44.000 $34,000 a year.

02:11:46.000 No. Yes.

02:11:47.000 If you make $34,000 American dollars a year, you are in the top 1% of planet Earth.

02:11:55.000 Get the fuck out.

02:11:55.000 That's a fact.

02:11:56.000 Because you're comparing it to the rest of the planet.

02:11:59.000 All of the planet.

02:12:00.000 The whole planet.

02:12:01.000 Of course.

02:12:02.000 Most people are dirt poor.

02:12:04.000 Yes. Most people.

02:12:05.000 So all this bullshit about, well, he could do that money.

02:12:09.000 Well, you're saying that from your fucking Manhattan apartment where you're Ubering all over the place and getting fucking takeout.

02:12:15.000 Shut your mouth.

02:12:16.000 Listen, when I was in Cabo working there, it was amazing.

02:12:20.000 You drive to the airport, people are living in fucking shacks there, this and that.

02:12:25.000 It's horrible.

02:12:27.000 It's horrible, but...

02:12:30.000 Look, this sounds narcissistic.

02:12:34.000 I came from a major, major drug addict and I turned my life around.

02:12:42.000 It's all, you gotta find a way to do what you can for yourself.

02:12:46.000 I don't give a fuck where you are.

02:12:49.000 I grew up with dudes from heroin addicts to people with five kids at fucking 22 or whatever.

02:12:59.000 And a lot of people made it out of there and found a way to be successful.

02:13:04.000 Yeah, you can look at it that way.

02:13:05.000 But the point is, like, looking at people that are uber successful and telling them what they should do with their money is just the dumb shit.

02:13:12.000 And that's why they don't want to give out how much money it costs to fly this rocket ship into space.

02:13:17.000 Of course it's frivolous and gratuitous.

02:13:20.000 Of course.

02:13:20.000 It's a publicity stunt.

02:13:22.000 They had a bunch of hot ladies.

02:13:23.000 They flew them off into space, and then they landed.

02:13:25.000 Yay! Now you've been to space.

02:13:27.000 But basically, you're in space for like 10 minutes.

02:13:30.000 That's what the flight was.

02:13:31.000 It probably cost a billion dollars to fly people into space for 10 minutes.

02:13:35.000 Wow, dude.

02:13:35.000 How many fucking clubs you could have bought me?

02:13:40.000 How many golf clubs?

02:13:41.000 How many golf clubs?

02:13:42.000 That's your thing, right?

02:13:43.000 You're just a fucking inveterate golfer, right?

02:13:45.000 I love golf.

02:13:46.000 Yeah. You and Jamie.

02:13:48.000 Jamie should show you his setup back there.

02:13:50.000 Yeah. He's got a driving computer with a big screen.

02:13:53.000 I was hitting this morning into the screen.

02:13:58.000 You bring the screen with you?

02:13:59.000 I just went at the hotel.

02:14:01.000 Really? Yeah.

02:14:02.000 Oh, that's amazing.

02:14:02.000 Yeah, to Thompson.

02:14:03.000 I went down, worked out twice.

02:14:05.000 You shouldn't tell people you're staying.

02:14:06.000 No, I'm not staying there.

02:14:07.000 I walked over there.

02:14:08.000 Oh. And used our screen.

02:14:11.000 Really? Yeah.

02:14:12.000 No shit.

02:14:13.000 Yeah, I brought my clubs.

02:14:14.000 Yeah, and plus this isn't live.

02:14:17.000 You and Jamie should fucking...

02:14:18.000 Have a little driving contest.

02:14:20.000 I think Jamie...

02:14:21.000 I played with him and Tony before.

02:14:23.000 We played together?

02:14:24.000 Yeah. A couple years ago, like two years ago.

02:14:26.000 Oh, with me, you, and Tony, right?

02:14:28.000 Yep. Oh.

02:14:30.000 You won?

02:14:31.000 Yeah. How good do you play?

02:14:32.000 How good is he, Jamie?

02:14:34.000 I don't recall.

02:14:35.000 I mean, I'm not good either, so...

02:14:36.000 I shoot anywhere from 82 to I want to break a club.

02:14:41.000 I don't know what any of those numbers are.

02:14:43.000 82 is pretty good sometimes.

02:14:44.000 I've shot in the 70s.

02:14:45.000 How is it?

02:14:46.000 Pretty good?

02:14:47.000 Yeah, very good.

02:14:48.000 Pretty good?

02:14:48.000 I shot...

02:14:49.000 It's for 18 holes, but yeah.

02:14:51.000 When I was a kid, the guys who golfed all the time were the guys who weren't paying as much attention to their career.

02:14:57.000 I remember thinking a lot of these guys are kind of stagnant because they're golfing all day.

02:15:01.000 In Boston, those guys would golf all fucking day long, get hammered.

02:15:06.000 That you grew up with?

02:15:07.000 No, guys that I started out with.

02:15:10.000 The golfers.

02:15:11.000 All wound up spending so much time playing golf.

02:15:15.000 I thought it was like, wow, that's a big distraction.

02:15:18.000 You should have some activities, but golf is like...

02:15:21.000 How many hours?

02:15:22.000 Four and a half.

02:15:23.000 That's a lot of hours.

02:15:24.000 That's a lot of hours, but also, too, it makes you disconnect from all the bullshit that's going on in life.

02:15:31.000 You know, you don't have to deal with whatever, you know.

02:15:35.000 Do you golf with comics, too, so you get to talk some shit?

02:15:37.000 Oh, yeah, some comics.

02:15:38.000 Yeah, I think I'm going to golf.

02:15:40.000 If I can after I get these shots Thursday with Aaron Berg, I think I'm going to golf with him.

02:15:46.000 Yeah, you definitely can.

02:15:47.000 You can golf on Thursday, for sure.

02:15:49.000 Golfing is not going to fuck it up.

02:15:51.000 It'll be sore for a day or two after you get the injections, but you'll be fine.

02:15:55.000 We've got to clean you up, Rich Voss.

02:15:57.000 Clean up your life.

02:15:58.000 Thank you.

02:15:59.000 We're going to do it.

02:16:01.000 Check in with me.

02:16:02.000 I'll tell you what to do.

02:16:04.000 Look, I'll show you my chest.

02:16:06.000 Don't do it.

02:16:08.000 I'll show you a picture.

02:16:09.000 I don't care.

02:16:11.000 So you're saying from here on.

02:16:13.000 Yeah. You're not saying.

02:16:15.000 What are you going to impress me with your chest?

02:16:18.000 That's crazy.

02:16:19.000 Well, you say I got small arms.

02:16:21.000 I got to say, well, I got a nice kick.

02:16:23.000 Well, you're telling me they're big.

02:16:24.000 I never once said my arms.

02:16:25.000 You said they're good.

02:16:26.000 Your triceps and your biceps are good.

02:16:28.000 That's crazy.

02:16:30.000 Listen, let me explain something to you, okay?

02:16:33.000 Fucking waffle neck.

02:16:35.000 Waffle neck?

02:16:37.000 Is that bad?

02:16:38.000 No, I call my kids that.

02:16:39.000 What does waffle neck mean?

02:16:41.000 I don't know.

02:16:41.000 I call him chicken head.

02:16:44.000 Okay, you're right.

02:16:46.000 They're not big, but they're hard, and they're not flabby under here.

02:16:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:16:51.000 You're not falling apart.

02:16:52.000 I'm not some flabby.

02:16:54.000 Yeah, congratulations.

02:16:55.000 What the fuck?

02:16:57.000 You want credit for being okay?

02:16:59.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:17:00.000 That's crazy.

02:17:00.000 Whatever happened to Mr. Pull Yourself Up by Your Bootstraps, Get Your Shit Together?

02:17:04.000 What about all that talk?

02:17:07.000 You're barely doing anything.

02:17:08.000 You're like, you're okay.

02:17:10.000 I work out six days a week, I lift.

02:17:13.000 Do you?

02:17:14.000 Yes. I have a nice gym in my basement.

02:17:16.000 Do you think if I worked out with you, I'd be impressed with the effort that you put forward?

02:17:19.000 Not in the least.

02:17:22.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:17:23.000 Stop it.

02:17:25.000 I do 500 crunches.

02:17:27.000 That's amazing.

02:17:28.000 I do zero.

02:17:29.000 I don't do any crunches.

02:17:31.000 What do you do, sit-ups?

02:17:32.000 Yeah, I do a lot of different stuff.

02:17:34.000 Do you do planks?

02:17:36.000 No. I think planks are nonsense.

02:17:38.000 So do I. They're uncomfortable.

02:17:40.000 It's hard to do.

02:17:41.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:17:42.000 But I think in terms of an exercise for your core, it's kind of nonsense.

02:17:45.000 I think you should do things.

02:17:48.000 First of all, you should almost always do things that have a range of motion.

02:17:53.000 I like to do things that make my body work as a unit.

02:17:57.000 So all the ab exercises that I do, I do a lot of different things for abs.

02:18:01.000 I do reverse squats.

02:18:03.000 You know what those are?

02:18:04.000 You strap your ankles to a cable machine.

02:18:07.000 You lay on your back and you pull towards you.

02:18:11.000 Oh, I know.

02:18:11.000 I do those.

02:18:12.000 Well, I got one of those machines where I put my knees in it and I pull up to get the bottom.

02:18:20.000 Okay. Yeah, that's good.

02:18:21.000 Do you know what I'm saying?

02:18:22.000 Sure, yeah, yeah.

02:18:22.000 Those are good.

02:18:23.000 Anything where you work your whole core.

02:18:25.000 And then you've got to also do the opposite side.

02:18:27.000 Back extensions.

02:18:28.000 Yeah, I do that.

02:18:29.000 I do it on that thing I showed you.

02:18:31.000 That machine you were showing me.

02:18:32.000 Yeah. I'll do back.

02:18:34.000 Because, and I got to lose another 10 pounds again.

02:18:38.000 I gained it back.

02:18:39.000 But it comes and goes.

02:18:42.000 And because I have lower disc problems and, you know, I'm getting sciatica.

02:18:49.000 So whenever I lose weight, I'm in much better shape.

02:18:52.000 Yeah, I could tell by when we got on that stretching machine, the decks.

02:18:56.000 Yeah. Your body doesn't go all the way down.

02:18:58.000 It's tight.

02:18:59.000 Your lower back is very tight.

02:19:01.000 Oh, I'll go in there right now and go all the way down.

02:19:03.000 I was just doing it.

02:19:05.000 No, I'm saying there's tension.

02:19:07.000 Yeah, of course.

02:19:07.000 You see how my body hinges?

02:19:09.000 Yeah. My body just hinges.

02:19:10.000 It just goes down there.

02:19:11.000 There's no tension.

02:19:12.000 Yours is like...

02:19:13.000 You stop like right there.

02:19:14.000 You probably could go all the way down, but your body doesn't want to.

02:19:17.000 The point is there's tension in your lower back.

02:19:19.000 Well, I've never used that machine, too.

02:19:21.000 It was my first time.

02:19:22.000 Stop with excuses.

02:19:23.000 Do you stretch?

02:19:24.000 No. On stage, if they need me to do an extra 20. If they go to stretch.

02:19:30.000 I've done it two hours.

02:19:32.000 If D.L. Eugly and I'm middling and he's coming four hours late.

02:19:37.000 Back in the day, I was working the Caroline's and I was opening for DL.

02:19:42.000 And, you know, I'm doing all my good stuff up front.

02:19:45.000 Oh, no.

02:19:46.000 And then they have to stretch.

02:19:47.000 And they go stretch.

02:19:48.000 I'm going...

02:19:49.000 What am I going to do now?

02:19:50.000 He wasn't there yet?

02:19:51.000 No, he wasn't.

02:19:51.000 Oh, that's the worst feeling in the world.

02:19:53.000 Walking in with his...

02:19:54.000 You get all your best material, and they're telling you to stretch, like, I don't know, and you're just scouring your brain.

02:19:59.000 You're scouring your brain.

02:20:00.000 Well, luckily for you, you could work the crowd.

02:20:02.000 Yeah. So, I...

02:20:04.000 Now, what was the question?

02:20:06.000 Am I doing...

02:20:07.000 Do I stretch?

02:20:08.000 Yeah. Yeah, I do for my back.

02:20:11.000 I have this extra...

02:20:13.000 I lie down.

02:20:14.000 Yeah. And I pull this back like that.

02:20:17.000 Okay. That's good for my lower back.

02:20:18.000 Sure. You know what that is?

02:20:19.000 Do I know what it is?

02:20:21.000 Do you know what I'm talking about?

02:20:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:20:22.000 I know what you're doing.

02:20:23.000 That's my lower back.

02:20:24.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:20:24.000 Just crossing your legs and leaning forward.

02:20:26.000 Yeah. And I pull it back.

02:20:27.000 Right. Okay.

02:20:28.000 And then when I'm doing sit-up, crunches, I'll do it either on that machine.

02:20:33.000 Or I'll pull my legs this way, too.

02:20:36.000 So I'm getting my lower.

02:20:38.000 Watch you move.

02:20:39.000 I'm like, oh my God.

02:20:41.000 First of all, I know the crew you have come in here, a lot of them.

02:20:44.000 None of them work out at all.

02:20:46.000 A lot of them do.

02:20:47.000 Who doesn't work out at all?

02:20:48.000 Name one.

02:20:52.000 No, I don't want to.

02:20:53.000 Name a guy.

02:20:55.000 Ari. Ari doesn't work out at all.

02:20:57.000 Okay, there's one.

02:20:58.000 That's true.

02:20:59.000 Mark Norman.

02:21:00.000 I don't know if Norman works out.

02:21:02.000 Mark Norman definitely works out.

02:21:04.000 Oh, he does?

02:21:04.000 He runs.

02:21:05.000 He can do a lot of pull-ups and sit-ups.

02:21:06.000 From audiences.

02:21:10.000 You know what I like talking to Mark?

02:21:12.000 He loves comedy.

02:21:14.000 Oh, he loves it.

02:21:14.000 And he knows the history of it.

02:21:16.000 But he knows the history of it.

02:21:18.000 Oh, yeah.

02:21:18.000 Like, you'll talk to comics now and go, oh, Steve Landisberg was funny.

02:21:24.000 Who was that?

02:21:25.000 Look at him.

02:21:26.000 Come on, man.

02:21:26.000 Of course he works out.

02:21:27.000 Oh, shit.

02:21:27.000 He's ripped.

02:21:28.000 He's ripped.

02:21:29.000 I don't like that.

02:21:29.000 How dare you?

02:21:30.000 Now you feel bad.

02:21:31.000 Now I feel bad.

02:21:33.000 It hurts me to see that.

02:21:35.000 Are you kidding me?

02:21:36.000 You're talking shit and he looks great.

02:21:37.000 Oh, fuck.

02:21:38.000 You're talking shit.

02:21:39.000 He looks like a male model.

02:21:40.000 Show me that again, Jamie.

02:21:41.000 He's not holding up a newspaper.

02:21:43.000 We don't know when that was shot.

02:21:44.000 Who cares when it was shot?

02:21:45.000 You never looked like that.

02:21:46.000 Show me that again.

02:21:47.000 What are you going to do?

02:21:48.000 Take your clothes off?

02:21:49.000 No, I'm going to take a picture.

02:21:51.000 He looks fucking good there.

02:21:52.000 Yeah, he does.

02:21:53.000 He looks good.

02:21:54.000 So does his wife.

02:21:55.000 God damn it.

02:21:56.000 Look at that right there.

02:21:57.000 He's got boxing gloves on and an iPhone.

02:21:59.000 He's in shape, man.

02:22:01.000 You're incorrect.

02:22:02.000 Alright, relax.

02:22:03.000 You feel bad, right?

02:22:04.000 No, I don't.

02:22:05.000 Shane works out.

02:22:06.000 He's here all the time.

02:22:07.000 This is not working out.

02:22:09.000 We work out.

02:22:09.000 Shane works out?

02:22:10.000 Yeah, he comes in and uses the gym.

02:22:12.000 We work out together.

02:22:14.000 We put your glasses so you can find your abs.

02:22:15.000 Hold on.

02:22:19.000 Let me find.

02:22:20.000 You're in there somewhere.

02:22:21.000 Hey, baby.

02:22:24.000 Showing you somewhere.

02:22:25.000 All right.

02:22:27.000 You are looking for your glasses.

02:22:28.000 Are you going to find a photo of you looking good?

02:22:31.000 Forget about that.

02:22:32.000 That's the past.

02:22:32.000 Let's concentrate on now.

02:22:34.000 Put away the cookies.

02:22:36.000 Put away the sugar.

02:22:38.000 Listen to your doctor.

02:22:39.000 He tells you to rehab your shoulder.

02:22:40.000 Get yourself in shape.

02:22:43.000 Can't believe we're doing this.

02:22:44.000 People are listening.

02:22:45.000 They can't see this.

02:22:46.000 They couldn't see the picture of him either.

02:22:49.000 Yeah, but I mean this, you being on your phone here looking for a photo of back in the day when you looked reasonable.

02:22:54.000 This was recently.

02:22:56.000 How long ago?

02:22:57.000 What happened?

02:22:58.000 What happened?

02:23:00.000 Oh, fuck.

02:23:02.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:23:04.000 Look at you.

02:23:05.000 They look good there.

02:23:06.000 There you go.

02:23:06.000 Oh, not bad.

02:23:07.000 Okay. You look pretty good right there.

02:23:09.000 What happened?

02:23:11.000 It's not that bad now.

02:23:12.000 How long ago was this?

02:23:13.000 2018. Oh, that's pretty recent.

02:23:16.000 That's pretty recent.

02:23:17.000 Yeah. Pre-pandemic.

02:23:18.000 A lot of people fell apart during the pandemic.

02:23:20.000 That's what happened.

02:23:21.000 And then I came back on track for a year.

02:23:24.000 A whole year.

02:23:25.000 And then it fell apart again.

02:23:26.000 And then since January, when I was in Canada.

02:23:28.000 Oh, Canada did you?

02:23:30.000 Canada fucked me up.

02:23:31.000 They got you with communism.

02:23:32.000 They got you with communism.

02:23:38.000 They made you eat poutines.

02:23:40.000 Oh, that shit is good.

02:23:42.000 Oh, it's so good.

02:23:43.000 Late night, late night poutine.

02:23:45.000 It's just pure heart attack.

02:23:47.000 Yeah, they have different delis in Canada.

02:23:49.000 Like, we used to go to Montreal, they call it smoked meat.

02:23:53.000 Yeah. It's basically like going to Cantor's, right?

02:23:56.000 Or going to Katz in New York.

02:23:58.000 I've been to a couple of those smoked meat.

02:23:59.000 Oh, phenomenal.

02:24:01.000 But, you know, I heard, and I don't know if it's true, and I...

02:24:04.000 If you eat too much smoked meat, you can get stomach cancer from that, from all that smoked meat.

02:24:11.000 Who fucking told you that?

02:24:12.000 This guy with stomach cancer.

02:24:14.000 No? Not true?

02:24:16.000 Smoked meat is not what it is.

02:24:18.000 There is some connection between burnt meat, like the carbon in burnt meat and cancer.

02:24:24.000 I think it's colorectal cancer.

02:24:27.000 But I do not know how robust those studies are.

02:24:31.000 I mean, people have been cooking over fire forever.

02:24:34.000 I just don't, I don't buy it.

02:24:36.000 There's a lot of bullshit involved in these studies that tell you that this causes cancer, that causes cancer.

02:24:42.000 Here's what 100% causes cancer: herbicides, pesticides, chemicals, forever chemicals that are in your fucking food.

02:24:49.000 That paper cup that you're drinking out of when you drink hot liquids out of a paper cup.

02:24:54.000 We got to throw those fucking paper cups we have.

02:24:56.000 Have you seen what Paul Saladino did when he dissolved a Starbucks cup and shows you what's really at the base of it?

02:25:02.000 It's basically a condom.

02:25:04.000 See if you can find Paul Saladino's video.

02:25:06.000 Wait, you got all those paper cups.

02:25:07.000 I'll take them all.

02:25:08.000 I know.

02:25:08.000 I saw them today.

02:25:09.000 I poured my coffee in this.

02:25:11.000 We're going to get rid of all our paper cups.

02:25:13.000 I'll take them.

02:25:13.000 Paper cups for hot liquids are fucking stupid.

02:25:15.000 Really? Because the lining of those paper cups is plastic.

02:25:19.000 So you're basically pouring hot liquid into plastic, which is the worst.

02:25:23.000 Okay. See, he shows.

02:25:25.000 So he's dissolving the paper cup, and that's what's inside of it.

02:25:28.000 So you think you're drinking out of a paper cup, but it's not really paper.

02:25:33.000 It's plastic.

02:25:35.000 There's a plastic lining, and that's the only reason why those coffee cups from Starbucks hold paper.

02:25:41.000 So hot water to plastic.

02:25:43.000 Give me some volume on this.

02:25:46.000 Chemicals, PFAs, anything in that plastic is leaching into your coffee drink.

02:25:52.000 So do not think you're getting a paper cup.

02:25:54.000 You are getting a plastic cup and you are putting hot water into it.

02:25:57.000 That's a horrible, horrible idea.

02:25:58.000 Look at that.

02:25:59.000 Looks like a condom.

02:26:00.000 What's the solution?

02:26:01.000 Glass jar, get your coffee in a glass jar or a stainless steel mug.

02:26:05.000 Simple solution, don't expose hot liquids to plastic like this.

02:26:07.000 Horrible idea for your hormones, horrible for your body.

02:26:10.000 Send this to somebody you know who drinks hot coffee out of paper cups like this and needs to get them out of glass or stainless steel.

02:26:16.000 Yeah, there you go.

02:26:17.000 My wife, she won't drink out.

02:26:19.000 She knows all this shit.

02:26:20.000 Good. She's a reader.

02:26:21.000 You should listen to Bonnie.

02:26:22.000 I try to.

02:26:23.000 She... Meditate.

02:26:25.000 She's really good.

02:26:27.000 She's smart.

02:26:28.000 Which is weird.

02:26:28.000 Super smart.

02:26:29.000 The two of you guys together, that it works.

02:26:31.000 It's crazy.

02:26:32.000 It's like, you know what I need?

02:26:34.000 Here's the deal.

02:26:36.000 What month?

02:26:36.000 What are we at?

02:26:37.000 April. April.

02:26:39.000 April. 15th.

02:26:41.000 14th? 14th?

02:26:42.000 April 14th.

02:26:43.000 So let's go April 14th, May, June 30th.

02:26:49.000 I'm back here at the club on my birthday.

02:26:51.000 Okay. So you're going to look good.

02:26:53.000 I'll look.

02:26:55.000 I'm going to go to June 30th.

02:26:56.000 We'll take a picture.

02:26:57.000 I'll put it on my Instagram.

02:26:58.000 Take your shirt off.

02:26:58.000 Flex. Not now.

02:27:01.000 No. June 30th.

02:27:02.000 I'm giving you time.

02:27:03.000 I want to give you a goal.

02:27:05.000 June 30th.

02:27:05.000 Is that enough time?

02:27:06.000 Sure. Absolutely.

02:27:08.000 Two months?

02:27:09.000 Yes. In two months you can lose 20 pounds of fat and look great.

02:27:14.000 Yeah. Because eat healthy.

02:27:16.000 Just get on a very low-carbohydrate diet.

02:27:19.000 That's what I did.

02:27:20.000 I'm not doing keto.

02:27:21.000 I'm not gay, but I went...

02:27:22.000 Keto's gay?

02:27:24.000 A little.

02:27:25.000 When I try to cut carbs, let me tell you something.

02:27:28.000 It was easier for me to quit crack than it was carbs.

02:27:33.000 Really? Well, I never gave anybody a handjob for a Kaiser roll.

02:27:38.000 So, part of my act, folks, he's killing.

02:27:43.000 June 30th, the week I'm here.

02:27:45.000 Right. I don't know how much bigger my arms will be.

02:27:51.000 You don't have to get bigger.

02:27:51.000 I'll just be more cut up.

02:27:53.000 Get you look good.

02:27:53.000 But I think I look okay.

02:27:55.000 Well, we're going to get you a blood panel tomorrow, too.

02:27:57.000 They'll find out where your hormone levels are at.

02:27:58.000 Find out what the fuck is wrong with you.

02:28:00.000 What do you mean?

02:28:01.000 All that shit.

02:28:02.000 Blood panel.

02:28:02.000 They'll draw blood.

02:28:03.000 They'll draw blood and then send it to a lab.

02:28:05.000 They're not going to tell me I have cancer.

02:28:07.000 They could if you want to know.

02:28:09.000 No. You don't want to know.

02:28:10.000 I already had blood tests at my doctor's office.

02:28:12.000 Did your doctor do a comprehensive cancer scan?

02:28:17.000 Did prostate?

02:28:19.000 No. Just looked in your asshole.

02:28:20.000 That's all they did.

02:28:21.000 No, with the blood.

02:28:22.000 And looked at my sugar levels.

02:28:24.000 They can do this incredibly comprehensive blood panel.

02:28:28.000 They dig a lot of blood out, and then they send it to a lab, and they find out whether or not you have any.

02:28:32.000 I have zero cancer.

02:28:33.000 I was super happy.

02:28:34.000 Because when they did it, I was like, ooh, I have the same feeling.

02:28:36.000 I don't know if I want to know this.

02:28:38.000 It's just waiting for fucking...

02:28:41.000 Start thinking about it and start mind-fucking yourself laying in bed at night.

02:28:44.000 Like, what if I have it right now?

02:28:45.000 What if I find out tomorrow and I have four weeks to live?

02:28:48.000 It's fucking too much anxiety.

02:28:50.000 When I went back in the day, everybody, like, went for the AIDS test after you got clean.

02:28:57.000 Oh, I remember that.

02:28:58.000 I remember my first AIDS test.

02:28:59.000 So I got my AIDS test.

02:29:00.000 I was so scared.

02:29:01.000 Okay, this is true.

02:29:02.000 My doctor, whenever I went to my doctor and took any test, he would call me and say, everything's fine.

02:29:10.000 There were calls, everything's fine.

02:29:12.000 So I took an AIDS test.

02:29:14.000 The doctor didn't call you.

02:29:15.000 And I get a call from the doctor.

02:29:17.000 And he said, can you come in tomorrow?

02:29:20.000 I'm going, what do you mean come in tomorrow?

02:29:23.000 My heart dropped because he would have said everything's fine.

02:29:25.000 I go, what do you mean?

02:29:26.000 Why do you want me to come in tomorrow?

02:29:28.000 He goes, your tooth came in.

02:29:32.000 It was my dentist, but I heard a doctor.

02:29:35.000 I thought it was my real doctor telling me I have fucking AIDS.

02:29:39.000 Because everybody took that test in the 80s.

02:29:42.000 When I first got insurance, I had to get an AIDS test in the 90s.

02:29:46.000 And I remember the doctor, I said, boy, I'm fucking real nervous about this.

02:29:49.000 And the doctor said, are you gay?

02:29:51.000 I said, no.

02:29:52.000 He goes, do you do drugs?

02:29:53.000 I go, no.

02:29:53.000 He goes, don't worry about it.

02:29:54.000 You don't have it.

02:29:55.000 I go, really?

02:29:56.000 He goes, yeah.

02:29:57.000 I go, what about the fucking news?

02:29:59.000 Yeah. The news is freaking me out where I'm scared to touch fucking doorknobs.

02:30:04.000 Like, how come the news is saying that everybody's going to get it?

02:30:07.000 He says, listen, no one's getting it other than gay people and people who are intervening as drug users.

02:30:14.000 Well, people on my block were dropping.

02:30:15.000 We went to see Pee Wee in a hospital, and all the nurses were wearing masks.

02:30:22.000 So we go, I think he has that thing.

02:30:24.000 Nobody even knew what the fuck to, you know.

02:30:26.000 Yeah, they thought it was contagious.

02:30:27.000 By the way, that was Fauci, too.

02:30:29.000 Back then?

02:30:30.000 Yeah. Who's responsible for all that?

02:30:33.000 Fauci was responsible for people freaking out about AIDS.

02:30:36.000 Fauci was on TV back in the 80s telling people that children could possibly catch it from people.

02:30:41.000 Yes. Wow.

02:30:43.000 Yeah. Do you know the Dallas Buyers Club?

02:30:44.000 Where they were limiting the medication that gay people could take?

02:30:48.000 That was about Fauci.

02:30:50.000 He was responsible for that.

02:30:52.000 He was the one who pushed AZT on people back then.

02:30:56.000 AZT was that chemotherapy medication that was killing people quicker than the cancer was.

02:31:00.000 They stopped using it on cancer and they repurposed it and started using it on people that had AIDS.

02:31:05.000 And it didn't help you.

02:31:06.000 And it kills you dead.

02:31:07.000 They were giving it to people that didn't even have any fucking symptoms.

02:31:10.000 They had HIV.

02:31:11.000 They had no symptoms.

02:31:12.000 They'd given them AZT.

02:31:13.000 They were dying in months.

02:31:15.000 It was the only time ever in medical history where they were telling you to take a chemotherapy drug indefinitely.

02:31:21.000 Every time you take chemotherapy, the idea is that it gets your body close to death but kills off the cancer.

02:31:29.000 They were telling you to keep taking it.

02:31:31.000 Just keep taking it.

02:31:32.000 It's nuts.

02:31:33.000 What they did is madness.

02:31:34.000 If you read Robert Kennedy's book, The Real Anthony Fauci, it's all about that.

02:31:38.000 And the beginning of it is all about the AIDS crisis and all the different things that they did that mirrors exactly what they did during the COVID crisis.

02:31:44.000 So what drugs are they using now?

02:31:47.000 They started using protease inhibitors and that really helped.

02:31:50.000 The whole AIDS thing is very complex.

02:31:52.000 It's very complex because the vast majority of the people that got AIDS were heavy drug users.

02:31:58.000 Heavy drug users or gay guys who are experienced.

02:32:01.000 You know, a lot of different sexual partners.

02:32:04.000 But it was because of blood being transferred.

02:32:06.000 Yeah, that's part of it, but it's also part of it you're destroying your immune system with fucking drugs.

02:32:11.000 These guys were taking amyl nitrate and crystal meth and partying and not sleeping, just crushing their immune system.

02:32:18.000 Plus sharing needles with the blood going for them.

02:32:20.000 Yep, that too.

02:32:21.000 And then they would get them on medication that would definitely kill them.

02:32:24.000 And then it was a crisis.

02:32:25.000 And then, you know, everybody was running around scared.

02:32:27.000 And I was scared too until I talked to my doctor.

02:32:30.000 He just looked me in the eyes.

02:32:32.000 But no one could say that back then.

02:32:34.000 So this is like 90...

02:32:36.000 91 maybe?

02:32:39.000 Maybe 91?

02:32:40.000 92? 88. And my doctor was like, don't worry about it.

02:32:44.000 I was like, what about the news, man?

02:32:47.000 I remember talking to this guy.

02:32:48.000 He was a young guy.

02:32:49.000 I was like, why is the news telling me...

02:32:51.000 He goes, heterosexuals aren't getting this.

02:32:54.000 Unless you're an intravenous drug user, don't worry about it.

02:32:56.000 I only checked because I shot dope like...

02:32:59.000 Maybe three times.

02:33:01.000 What was it like?

02:33:02.000 I didn't like it.

02:33:04.000 I was more of a...

02:33:06.000 What did Shooting Dope do feel like?

02:33:10.000 Just down.

02:33:12.000 I did it with Bastille.

02:33:15.000 He was a major one.

02:33:18.000 He was funny, though.

02:33:20.000 Frankie was funny.

02:33:21.000 I remember seeing him for the first time when I was an open-miker in 88. And he was just a wild dude.

02:33:28.000 He was like one of the first guys I ever saw with tattoos.

02:33:30.000 All these tattoos, and they're like, he does heroin.

02:33:32.000 Everybody would tell you.

02:33:33.000 Oh, really?

02:33:34.000 It was heroin.

02:33:35.000 When someone did heroin back then, it was crazy.

02:33:37.000 Like, what?

02:33:38.000 He does heroin?

02:33:39.000 Now, think about how many people are hooked on opiates.

02:33:42.000 Back then, it was super rare.

02:33:44.000 Well, the difference between heroin and freebase, you can function on heroin.

02:33:49.000 There's functioning heroin addicts for years.

02:33:52.000 Yeah. Do it.

02:33:54.000 You can't function on Freebase or Coke.

02:33:56.000 You've got to keep having it.

02:33:58.000 I had a buddy of mine who was a longshoreman, and he would tell me that this guy he would work with, and not just one guy, but one guy that he was working with, that he was a friend, on his lunch break, get a bag of heroin, shoot it up in his car, sit there for half an hour, and then go back to work.

02:34:10.000 Yeah. Crazy.

02:34:12.000 You can't do that with Freebase.

02:34:14.000 It's nonstop.

02:34:15.000 You've got to keep it.

02:34:16.000 Oh, I imagine.

02:34:16.000 Was that your thing, Freebasing?

02:34:18.000 Yeah, Freebase.

02:34:19.000 How old were you when you first Freebased?

02:34:22.000 Well, I...

02:34:23.000 When I first got high, I was 15. You know, pot.

02:34:26.000 I led my way up to the gateway drug.

02:34:29.000 Yeah, coke.

02:34:31.000 So snorting coke.

02:34:33.000 I snorted coke probably when I started when I was 18 or 19, right?

02:34:38.000 And then when you worked to crack?

02:34:40.000 Crack, probably 25 to 28. Do you remember the first time you did it?

02:34:45.000 I think it was with my cousin.

02:34:47.000 Yeah, it was like...

02:34:48.000 I go, this is good.

02:34:51.000 I mean, I guess.

02:34:52.000 I'll tell you what.

02:34:53.000 I got so many of them.

02:34:55.000 So, my friend, I was on the road.

02:35:00.000 I came back.

02:35:01.000 He goes, look, I'm going to buy an eighth of Coke.

02:35:04.000 Cut it into five halves.

02:35:06.000 Five half grams.

02:35:07.000 Okay. And we'll do two half grams and I'll sell the other three.

02:35:16.000 I know where this is going.

02:35:17.000 Well, we did one or two.

02:35:20.000 And then he went to sleep.

02:35:24.000 So, this is fucked up.

02:35:28.000 I found where he hid it.

02:35:31.000 Oh. He didn't hide it as good as you hide your money?

02:35:34.000 No. I went in and I would steal one at a time.

02:35:39.000 I drove to the convenience store.

02:35:42.000 I cooked it with ammonia, right?

02:35:44.000 Ammonia? Yeah, clear ammonia.

02:35:46.000 Wait a minute, you actually cooked the coke and turned it into crack?

02:35:49.000 Yeah. Why would you do that?

02:35:51.000 Is it better that way?

02:35:52.000 Oh, that's how you get free-based crack.

02:35:54.000 You've got to process it.

02:35:56.000 You could do it with baking soda.

02:35:58.000 You could do it in a boil it.

02:36:00.000 Who taught you how to do this?

02:36:02.000 Are you a chemist?

02:36:03.000 No, it's a crack addict.

02:36:05.000 Other crack addicts were giving you the recipe?

02:36:08.000 No, I learned it.

02:36:10.000 There's three ways to do it.

02:36:12.000 Or four with ether, which you could blow up your house.

02:36:17.000 I would steal a half a gram from them.

02:36:19.000 I would go to the convenience store.

02:36:21.000 I'd cook it, smoke it, and pour out the ammonia.

02:36:25.000 I said, I can't do it.

02:36:26.000 How do you do it?

02:36:28.000 I don't want to help.

02:36:30.000 You put it in...

02:36:31.000 It's the internet.

02:36:32.000 ChatGPT will tell you to make...

02:36:34.000 Ask ChatGPT right now.

02:36:35.000 I'll tell you.

02:36:36.000 How do you take cocaine and turn it into freebase?

02:36:38.000 You put it in a teaspoon and you light it and it turns into a rock.

02:36:43.000 Okay. And then you squeeze it.

02:36:45.000 And then you smoke that rock.

02:36:46.000 You squeeze and try to get the ammonia out as much as you can in the rock.

02:36:50.000 So I would pull...

02:36:52.000 I would get the ammonia, steal a half a gram from him, go to the...

02:36:58.000 Bright early in the morning.

02:37:00.000 Come back, cook it, pour the ammonia out well.

02:37:06.000 ChatTB2, the chemistry behind it, how it's made.

02:37:08.000 For educational purposes only, not intended to encourage illegal activity.

02:37:11.000 Baking soda, I said.

02:37:13.000 You could do it.

02:37:13.000 Cocaine hydrochloride powder with baking soda and water.

02:37:17.000 Sometimes ammonia is used instead of baking soda, but baking soda is more common for crack.

02:37:21.000 Heat the mixture.

02:37:22.000 As it's heated, the cocaine bases separate from the hydrochloride and form solid rocks that float to the top.

02:37:28.000 Cool and dry.

02:37:29.000 This is like a recipe.

02:37:30.000 Solid pieces.

02:37:31.000 The crack rocks are cooled and hardened, then dry.

02:37:35.000 So, I emptied out the first bottle.

02:37:39.000 Then there was two or three more half grams.

02:37:42.000 I went and stole another one.

02:37:44.000 Went back to the convenience store.

02:37:46.000 Bought more ammonia.

02:37:48.000 After the fourth trip to the convenience store, I go, hey, listen, I got a cleaning business.

02:37:52.000 We need a lot of ammonia.

02:37:54.000 Well, I smoked all his coke.

02:37:56.000 And all of a sudden, I hear somebody yell.

02:38:00.000 Fuck! He woke up and saw his coke was gone.

02:38:03.000 How many hours had passed?

02:38:04.000 Probably four.

02:38:06.000 How many trips to the convenience store?

02:38:07.000 Four. And I was just drinking straight vodka, right?

02:38:11.000 Whoa. And I'm walking home.

02:38:15.000 Now I'm $250 in debt.

02:38:18.000 And it was towards the end of my career.

02:38:21.000 As a crack addict?

02:38:22.000 As a drug addict, yeah.

02:38:24.000 I like how you call it a career.

02:38:25.000 It was a crack career.

02:38:27.000 Well, I think I told this story years ago, but I'll tell it.

02:38:31.000 And he doesn't care because he told it in his book.

02:38:34.000 So me and Frankie are doing a one-nighter.

02:38:37.000 And back then, I had the car.

02:38:41.000 You would pick up an act at the Improv and then go do the one-nighter in Jersey.

02:38:45.000 Right. So we pick up this comic, little white guy, whatever.

02:38:51.000 We go do our one-nighter, and we're supposed to drop him off at the Improv.

02:38:56.000 And I go, hold on, I gotta make a stop.

02:38:59.000 And we go up to Spanish Harlem.

02:39:01.000 He goes, what are you doing?

02:39:03.000 I go, my sister lives here.

02:39:04.000 She's not doing well.

02:39:06.000 There's people chasing people with knives up and down the street.

02:39:11.000 And I go up and buy crack, freebase, right?

02:39:15.000 And the kid's like, get me home.

02:39:18.000 Take me back to the improv.

02:39:19.000 What the fuck is going on?

02:39:21.000 Right. Well, relax.

02:39:23.000 So now we go down to the Lower East Side and Frankie gets heroin.

02:39:28.000 And the kid...

02:39:29.000 Now Frankie's in the back seat tying up, shooting heroin.

02:39:33.000 While you're driving?

02:39:34.000 Well, I'm driving.

02:39:35.000 He's in the back shooting.

02:39:36.000 Oh, my God.

02:39:37.000 And the kid is fucking scared to death.

02:39:42.000 He was a little white kid.

02:39:43.000 He wanted to be Jerry Seinfeld.

02:39:45.000 It was David Spade.

02:39:47.000 Was it really?

02:39:48.000 Oh my god.

02:39:49.000 That's hilarious.

02:39:51.000 He was a little white kid from Arizona.

02:39:52.000 Do you remember when he first started?

02:39:54.000 He tells the story in his book and I apologize to him.

02:39:57.000 He goes, oh don't worry, it's a good story.

02:39:59.000 Right? But we kept him hostage as I'm smoking crack and Frankie's banging dope in the car.

02:40:06.000 Oh my god.

02:40:06.000 I heard an Otto and George story once.

02:40:09.000 He's working at a club in Jersey.

02:40:12.000 I don't need to name the club.

02:40:13.000 And he leaves The club with the owner's daughter, and they're headed into New York, and there's another guy driving the car.

02:40:21.000 He stops off at Washington Square Park, picks up a bag of crack, and starts smoking it in the car.

02:40:29.000 And the girl freaks out, and he says, the classic line, he goes, what?

02:40:34.000 I thought the broad wanted a party.

02:40:39.000 I just did a documentary about him.

02:40:41.000 They interviewed me.

02:40:42.000 They're doing a documentary on Otto and George.

02:40:44.000 Well, we did a lot of those shows, those prom shows with Otto and George.

02:40:49.000 Oh, he was...

02:40:49.000 Genius. Yeah, but I'd drive with him to a gig and he would go, do you know what George thought of today?

02:40:58.000 What? You fucking psychopath.

02:41:01.000 You're George.

02:41:01.000 Well, he would make people pull over so he could go check on George.

02:41:04.000 George is in the trunk.

02:41:07.000 He would pull over and check on George.

02:41:09.000 I think there's something to that.

02:41:11.000 I think that dummy had a mind of its own.

02:41:14.000 And he might have been he had some weird personality disorder where he put a personality to that dummy.

02:41:20.000 But that dummy, when that dummy would say things, you knew it was George.

02:41:25.000 Yeah. Like, it didn't even feel like it was Otto.

02:41:28.000 It felt like George had his own thoughts on things.

02:41:31.000 I worked with Van Troel, of course, once.

02:41:33.000 And I go into his room on the road, and he's...

02:41:36.000 Putting away the dummy's clothes in another dresser drawer than his.

02:41:41.000 He's like putting away the clothes of the dummy.

02:41:43.000 Folding the clothes?

02:41:44.000 Yes, of his dummy.

02:41:46.000 Here's a bit I kind of want to do.

02:41:50.000 You know, back in the day, you know, when there was bank robbers, outlaws, they would wear a handkerchief and go rob a bank.

02:41:59.000 Well, I want to be the outlaw ventriloquist where I go up with a little dummy and put a handkerchief.

02:42:05.000 This way they can't see my lips move, but I could say I'm the outlaw ventriloquist.

02:42:10.000 And I could do a whole five minutes.

02:42:14.000 And everybody's going, he must be great.

02:42:16.000 I can't see his lips move.

02:42:17.000 That's good, but you're supposed to talk too.

02:42:20.000 Part of the fun of being a ventriloquist, Otto would say, I can't believe you're saying that, George.

02:42:27.000 Shut the fuck up!

02:42:28.000 The eyebrows would pop up and you'd get crazy.

02:42:31.000 It's the banter back and forth.

02:42:32.000 I'll talk behind the mask.

02:42:34.000 I'm not going to do it.

02:42:36.000 Terrible idea.

02:42:37.000 So I threw it out.

02:42:40.000 How come there's no ventriloquist on this planet?

02:42:43.000 That gets along with their dummies.

02:42:45.000 Well, there's not even very many ventriloquist acts anymore.

02:42:48.000 There used to be a bunch of ventriloquist acts.

02:42:50.000 There was Willie Tyler and Lester, who was in L.A. There was a few.

02:42:54.000 There was Vincent Antoneau and George from Long Island.

02:42:57.000 You know what I think it was?

02:42:58.000 It's like when one guy becomes really big, like Jeff Dunham.

02:43:01.000 He became the man when it came to ventriloquist.

02:43:03.000 And then he's so popular that nobody touches it anymore.

02:43:07.000 Sort of like Carrot Top did that to prop acts.

02:43:09.000 Yeah. Like prop acts used to be...

02:43:11.000 Remember when we started out?

02:43:12.000 The fucking WID.

02:43:13.000 Did you ever work with the WID?

02:43:14.000 He's great!

02:43:15.000 Yeah, he pulled it in fucking diaper, I mean, laundry basket shoots with fucking props.

02:43:22.000 Oh, he had so much shit.

02:43:23.000 Yeah, he had like a whole trunk full of stuff that he would have to carry to the club.

02:43:27.000 But they don't have them anymore because Carrot Top became so famous as a prop act that everybody's like,"Oh, that's a Carrot Top thing." They just abandoned it.

02:43:35.000 Like musical acts.

02:43:36.000 There's no fucking musical acts anymore.

02:43:39.000 They're on ships.

02:43:41.000 Gary Delano was a musical act.

02:43:43.000 But guys who've been around for a long time.

02:43:45.000 They're legacy acts.

02:43:46.000 There's no upcoming people right now that are musical comedians.

02:43:49.000 Well, there's no magicians.

02:43:50.000 Farentino was a magician.

02:43:52.000 There was a couple of magic acts.

02:43:55.000 Like when I did one-nighters, there was jugglers, juggling Jack Scherzi.

02:44:02.000 A couple magic acts.

02:44:04.000 There's a few magic acts still that work in California because of the Comedy Magic Club.

02:44:08.000 Oh, okay.

02:44:08.000 Hermosa Beach.

02:44:09.000 He used to have it where you'd have a magician mixed in with the comedy.

02:44:13.000 Last time I worked there.

02:44:14.000 When I started working there, I was like...

02:44:16.000 Do you ever remember Chips Cooney where he did the fake magic act?

02:44:20.000 No. It was really funny.

02:44:22.000 He would just do stupid stuff.

02:44:24.000 Lenny Schultz was a prop actor.

02:44:26.000 He was a prop actor.

02:44:26.000 Remember Crazy Lenny?

02:44:27.000 He just died.

02:44:28.000 Like about a month ago, three weeks ago.

02:44:31.000 More pigs, Lenny.

02:44:32.000 There were more pigs, and he was just...

02:44:34.000 He was so ridiculous.

02:44:35.000 He was nuts.

02:44:36.000 He was so funny, though.

02:44:37.000 And the nicest guy in the world.

02:44:39.000 Yeah, I remember he pulled out a Smokey the Bear doll, and he's like, only you can prevent forest fires.

02:44:44.000 He was like, shut the fuck up!

02:44:46.000 And he punched the bear.

02:44:47.000 It was so ridiculous.

02:44:49.000 And then he'd move on to something else like it never happened.

02:44:51.000 It's like, it was what?

02:44:52.000 He would kill.

02:44:54.000 Kill. And it made no sense.

02:44:56.000 No sense.

02:44:57.000 It was just maniacal.

02:44:58.000 It was just crazy.

02:44:59.000 With his crazy face and crazy eyes.

02:45:01.000 But it was really funny.

02:45:02.000 Like Caratop.

02:45:04.000 He's a good prop act.

02:45:06.000 If you like prop acts, he's the best prop act.

02:45:09.000 I mean, Rip Taylor didn't like him, but, you know, Rip Taylor's from how many fucking years ago?

02:45:15.000 Rip Taylor?

02:45:16.000 Yeah, remember the gay...

02:45:17.000 Oh, with the mustache?

02:45:18.000 Yeah, and throw this...

02:45:19.000 Yeah, the glitter and stuff.

02:45:21.000 How come he didn't like Carrot Top?

02:45:22.000 Because Carrot Top was getting real famous at the time.

02:45:25.000 He's a hater.

02:45:25.000 And Rip Taylor was...

02:45:26.000 He's a hater.

02:45:27.000 Yeah, was...

02:45:28.000 The prop act.

02:45:29.000 But it's like most comics today are just comics.

02:45:31.000 They just do stand-up.

02:45:33.000 There's very little, like, all the variety stuff is gone.

02:45:36.000 Well, Frankie Pace was a prop act.

02:45:38.000 He killed.

02:45:39.000 Yeah, he killed.

02:45:40.000 Killed. You're right.

02:45:42.000 There was more variety in the one-nighters and the clubs.

02:45:48.000 Oh, yeah.

02:45:49.000 Well, in the 80s, comedy was anything.

02:45:52.000 There was no definition of it back then.

02:45:55.000 Like, guys had, like, pieces of paper they'd bring on stage and hold up signs.

02:45:59.000 There was all kinds of weird shit.

02:46:01.000 Now it's just people talking.

02:46:02.000 Oh, the guy from Boston, I work with him.

02:46:04.000 He was so angry.

02:46:05.000 We did a one-nighter.

02:46:06.000 He said, fuck this at a pool hall.

02:46:09.000 Bob something.

02:46:11.000 He had paper signs he would pull up and do a thing on signs or whatever.

02:46:17.000 He was just from Boston.

02:46:20.000 Well, there was the guy from the Blue Collar tour, Bill Engvall.

02:46:24.000 Yeah. He had signs.

02:46:25.000 Did he?

02:46:26.000 Yeah. None of them said quit?

02:46:29.000 I don't know.

02:46:30.000 What? I, uh...

02:46:36.000 What do you call it?

02:46:38.000 What's his name?

02:46:39.000 Kills on stage.

02:46:41.000 Josh Adam Meyers.

02:46:43.000 Yeah. He does...

02:46:43.000 Kills! Well, he does that goddamn comedy jam where he does music, too.

02:46:48.000 But that's a little different.

02:46:49.000 But we had him on our show, Would You Bang Him?

02:46:52.000 Me and Bonnie do the show.

02:46:53.000 It's fucking...

02:46:54.000 You know the show we do?

02:46:55.000 No. What we do is...

02:46:57.000 Bonnie and I host it.

02:47:00.000 And we have, like, five comics.

02:47:02.000 And they do, like, eight or ten minutes apiece.

02:47:05.000 Then we have three female judges and a gay judge.

02:47:10.000 And after the set, they discuss whether they would fuck him or not.

02:47:14.000 Oh, interesting.

02:47:15.000 And the gay judge is always the funniest.

02:47:17.000 He's always the funniest.

02:47:18.000 But some of these female judges are just so funny, you know.

02:47:23.000 So he came out.

02:47:24.000 We did it a couple...

02:47:25.000 We do it at a lot of festivals.

02:47:27.000 And we did it in New York.

02:47:30.000 And Josh Adam Myers came out.

02:47:31.000 And he sang the whole time.

02:47:33.000 Just fucking...

02:47:36.000 All over the stage, I'm going, he's got to close every show in a comedy club because nobody's following that.

02:47:43.000 There's no way at the cellar that you're going to go up after that.

02:47:48.000 And what he does is great.

02:47:50.000 What he does is...

02:47:51.000 Yeah, if you were on the road and you had a middle act and the middle act was brought to you by the club, like they assigned a middle act and the middle act was doing music, you were fucked.

02:48:01.000 You were fucked.

02:48:02.000 Oh, yeah.

02:48:03.000 Okay, fucking guitar act.

02:48:05.000 I worked Vegas once following a guy with a guitar, and he's fucking closing with Springsteen and a bandana on his head.

02:48:13.000 I'm going, what the fuck?

02:48:15.000 It's a totally different thing.

02:48:17.000 But it's weird that that's not more popular, because it used to be so effective.

02:48:21.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:48:21.000 It's like, why isn't there more of those acts like that out there?

02:48:26.000 Because it was so effective.

02:48:27.000 Well, some of them...

02:48:28.000 Got older and went to cruise ships that do guitar.

02:48:30.000 I know, but why didn't the younger ones?

02:48:32.000 How come no younger ones emerged?

02:48:34.000 That's what's weird.

02:48:35.000 It is kind of weird.

02:48:37.000 No impressionists either.

02:48:38.000 Very few.

02:48:39.000 That do impressions.

02:48:40.000 Yeah, very few.

02:48:42.000 And everyone that...

02:48:43.000 They would turn around, fix their hair, and then do their...

02:48:45.000 They always turned around.

02:48:47.000 Right, right, right.

02:48:48.000 Imagine if Jack Nicholson...

02:48:52.000 I'd be scared to turn around and the audience left.

02:48:55.000 But they turn around.

02:48:57.000 There was so many...

02:48:58.000 Jeff DeHart.

02:48:59.000 He did Rod Sterling perfectly.

02:49:03.000 It is interesting.

02:49:04.000 There's not a lot of just impressionists, right?

02:49:08.000 Yeah, Danny Stone, Randy Credico.

02:49:13.000 Yeah. Frank Caliendo does.

02:49:15.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:49:16.000 He's like the only one.

02:49:17.000 You don't really see him in clubs.

02:49:19.000 I don't know if he's still in clubs.

02:49:20.000 He does a lot.

02:49:22.000 I think he does his theater, mostly.

02:49:24.000 Yeah, he was on the Virus Tour, on the Opie and Anthony Tour.

02:49:27.000 Yeah, I did it with him.

02:49:29.000 Yeah. Oh, you did the Virus Tour?

02:49:31.000 Yeah, I did one of them.

02:49:32.000 I hosted every show.

02:49:33.000 Yeah, I did one of them in Vegas.

02:49:34.000 Oh, yeah.

02:49:35.000 Yeah, the Vegas one.

02:49:36.000 That was the last time I saw Patrice.

02:49:39.000 Wow. Yeah.

02:49:40.000 We're doing the benefit.

02:49:43.000 I host it every year and Billy closes it.

02:49:45.000 We're doing it, I think, in May this year.

02:49:48.000 Oh, yeah?

02:49:49.000 Yeah. Okay, so it's next month.

02:49:50.000 Do you know the dates?

02:49:51.000 Yeah, I'll tell you right now.

02:49:52.000 Tell everybody so they can go buy tickets.

02:49:55.000 Bust out those glasses, Grandpa.

02:49:56.000 These are dollar store glasses, okay?

02:49:59.000 Why do you buy them at the dollar store?

02:50:01.000 Because my good ones are at the hotel.

02:50:02.000 I don't want to lose them.

02:50:03.000 Oh, you don't want to waste them.

02:50:04.000 I don't want to lose them.

02:50:05.000 Yeah, I mean...

02:50:07.000 I would have worn the good ones on Theo's podcast.

02:50:10.000 Jesus Christ, I'm looking at your face when you turn sideways so I can see how much magnification you got.

02:50:15.000 What are those?

02:50:16.000 How many X you got?

02:50:17.000 250. That's it?

02:50:19.000 Yeah. Oh, okay.

02:50:21.000 It looks like I'm seeing double the size of your fucking...

02:50:23.000 It looks like you got stung by a bee.

02:50:25.000 Listen to me.

02:50:28.000 Listen to me.

02:50:32.000 So it's already sold out?

02:50:34.000 So people can't buy tickets?

02:50:35.000 I'm sure.

02:50:36.000 It sells out every year.

02:50:37.000 It is beautiful that you guys do that every year.

02:50:40.000 The Patrice benefit.

02:50:41.000 Yeah. It's very cool.

02:50:42.000 You talk about a guy that touched so many people because he was so brilliant.

02:50:46.000 How could it be on a Sunday?

02:50:48.000 The Patrice benefit.

02:50:49.000 It says May 18th in my calendar.

02:50:51.000 Maybe because Billy's doing 12 Angry Men.

02:50:55.000 He's playing every fucking character.

02:50:58.000 No, he's in Gary Glang Ross.

02:51:00.000 Oh, is he?

02:51:01.000 Yeah. Is he coffee for closers?

02:51:04.000 Is he that guy?

02:51:05.000 I don't know.

02:51:05.000 Go see it.

02:51:08.000 I'd rather fucking walk through Lebanon wearing a fucking yarmulke.

02:51:13.000 Go see that fucking angry hack.

02:51:18.000 Fuck off, Billy.

02:51:19.000 Shut the fuck up.

02:51:20.000 Send me your stupid pro-Palestinian bullshit.

02:51:23.000 Shut up.

02:51:23.000 Oh, does he have a lot of pro-Palestinian stuff?

02:51:25.000 Oh, we fight all the time online.

02:51:26.000 He sends it to you?

02:51:27.000 Well, on text.

02:51:29.000 Really? We go back and forth.

02:51:30.000 You and Bill Burr go back and forth about Palestine?

02:51:33.000 For real?

02:51:33.000 Yeah, sometimes, yeah.

02:51:34.000 Wow. Yeah.

02:51:36.000 But, you know, look, I'm friends with him for years.

02:51:38.000 Of course.

02:51:39.000 I mean, forever.

02:51:40.000 Yeah. Fucking Billy, you know.

02:51:42.000 Fucking... When comedians get political and to the point where they distance themselves with people that don't agree with them, that to me is hilarious.

02:51:51.000 Hilarious in how stupid it is.

02:51:53.000 Like, what are you doing?

02:51:55.000 Yeah. What are you doing?

02:51:56.000 Like, this is where you're going to fucking draw the line on some shit that barely affects your personal life?

02:52:03.000 I've not...

02:52:06.000 Any of my friends that are like that, I'm still friends with them.

02:52:10.000 I don't agree with a lot of the shit and they're stupid.

02:52:14.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:52:15.000 One or two people I think say really vile stuff and I just mute them.

02:52:21.000 I don't deal with them.

02:52:22.000 They're not friend friends.

02:52:24.000 Right. I mean, shit, me and Norton don't agree on everything.

02:52:29.000 How can you?

02:52:31.000 How can you agree on everything?

02:52:32.000 His wife is so much hotter than my wife.

02:52:36.000 She's got a better dick.

02:52:37.000 She was the best man at his wedding.

02:52:43.000 Norton is so quick and funny.

02:52:47.000 He was the best man at my wedding.

02:52:49.000 He's so fucking funny.

02:52:50.000 He's great on Kill Tony.

02:52:52.000 He's one of the best guests.

02:52:55.000 You know who else is fucking...

02:52:57.000 Colin is so funny.

02:52:58.000 He's so quick.

02:53:00.000 Colin's amazing.

02:53:01.000 There's a bunch of guys, and I think I put you in there too, that just never really promoted themselves on social media.

02:53:08.000 So it's like, you're really good, but even Attell.

02:53:12.000 Attell, for the level of comedy that he is, he should be selling out stadiums every night.

02:53:18.000 But he just doesn't promote himself at all.

02:53:21.000 All he does is just, like, all of his following is just word of mouth.

02:53:25.000 Yeah. And other comics saying how great he is.

02:53:27.000 And, like, people who have seen him before, they've come to see him again.

02:53:30.000 Well, he says, one of my videos now is up to almost 5 million views.

02:53:35.000 Is that good?

02:53:36.000 Yeah, that's good.

02:53:37.000 That's good.

02:53:37.000 It's really funny.

02:53:38.000 I believe it.

02:53:40.000 I believe you're funny.

02:53:41.000 If you want to play it, I will.

02:53:42.000 No, we don't have to do that.

02:53:43.000 Let's wrap this up.

02:53:45.000 So, you're going to be at the Mothership.

02:53:47.000 What are the dates again?

02:53:48.000 June what?

02:53:49.000 June, I think, 27th, 28th, and 28th.

02:53:52.000 I do it every week on my birthday.

02:53:54.000 Take pictures of you with your shirt off.

02:53:57.000 So prepare for that.

02:53:59.000 Get ready.

02:54:00.000 Get yourself in shape.

02:54:02.000 Tomorrow I'm going to bring you to Waste Well.

02:54:04.000 Get you on the peptides and get your blood work and find out what the fuck's going on with your shoulder and shoot you up with stem cells.

02:54:10.000 I do have a special on Amazon called Rich Voss Anonymous.

02:54:15.000 It's pretty funny.

02:54:16.000 Why is it called anonymous?

02:54:17.000 Because I taped it at an NA convention.

02:54:19.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:54:20.000 And the backdrop.

02:54:22.000 Bonnie directed the beginning.

02:54:23.000 The backdrop is fucking so cool.

02:54:25.000 There it is.

02:54:26.000 Look at you.

02:54:26.000 It's false anonymous.

02:54:28.000 You look good there.

02:54:29.000 Where's the trailer?

02:54:29.000 Dangerous man.

02:54:30.000 You look dangerous.

02:54:31.000 Can you play the trailer?

02:54:32.000 No, we're not going to play the trailer.

02:54:33.000 Okay, good.

02:54:34.000 We're going to leave.

02:54:35.000 I'm going to wrap this up.

02:54:36.000 We don't need to play a trailer.

02:54:38.000 You're funny.

02:54:38.000 I was doing it for you.

02:54:40.000 No. I don't care about me.

02:54:41.000 For you, I'm going to not do it.

02:54:42.000 It's better.

02:54:43.000 What are you doing?

02:54:43.000 I'm not listening.

02:54:44.000 Listen.

02:54:49.000 I've done this podcast three times and this is the most fun I had.

02:54:55.000 It was fun.

02:54:56.000 We had a good time.

02:54:56.000 I had a good time.

02:54:58.000 Come to the club tomorrow too.

02:54:59.000 We'll hang out.

02:55:01.000 You got any sets tomorrow?

02:55:02.000 No. Alright, come to the club.

02:55:03.000 Do bottom of the barrel, too.

02:55:04.000 What's that?

02:55:05.000 There's a whiskey barrel on stage with notes in it from the audience.

02:55:08.000 You pull them out and you just riff.

02:55:10.000 Oh, really?

02:55:11.000 Yeah, you'll love it.

02:55:12.000 It's so much fun.

02:55:12.000 It's like a premise factory.

02:55:13.000 So what am I going to do about this thing tomorrow?

02:55:16.000 As soon as we wrap.

02:55:17.000 I'll set it up as soon as we get done here.

02:55:19.000 This was fun.

02:55:20.000 Thank you for having me.

02:55:21.000 Rich Voss, ladies and gentlemen.

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 15, 2025

Joe Rogan Experience #2305 - Rich Vos

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