The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2312 - Jeremy Renner

00:00:13.000 What's happening, man?

00:00:14.000 What's going on?

00:00:15.000 It's great to see you.

00:00:16.000 Yeah, good to be seen.

00:00:19.000 Boy, what a journey you've been on.

00:00:20.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:00:22.000 I started listening to your audio book.

00:00:24.000 It was giving me anxiety.

00:00:26.000 It gets better, right?

00:00:28.000 It takes a minute, but there's a relief for the reader.

00:00:32.000 Well, the relief is seeing you healthy, walking around.

00:00:35.000 Well, the relief is also, you kind of know the end of the story, right?

00:00:38.000 Yes.

00:00:38.000 Before you go into it.

00:00:39.000 Right.

00:00:40.000 So then you can really kind of dive into the actual detailed narrative that I put out.

00:00:45.000 Yeah.

00:00:45.000 There's no other way to do it.

00:00:47.000 But yeah, it's tough for a minute.

00:00:49.000 It's like, wow, my sister, it took her a while to read, and anybody that was kind of involved in the incident takes a minute.

00:00:55.000 It took me a long time to kind of get through it, right?

00:00:59.000 It's anxious for me too.

00:01:02.000 So how long was the actual recovery?

00:01:05.000 Because you don't even walk with a limp.

00:01:07.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:01:10.000 Some things are pretty miraculous.

00:01:12.000 Some things can be explained.

00:01:13.000 And I tried to figure it out as I was writing the book.

00:01:16.000 A lot of people ask questions.

00:01:17.000 I ask myself questions.

00:01:20.000 Some things were on my own will.

00:01:22.000 Some things were otherworldly of some sort.

00:01:26.000 But, yeah, I was given, you know, I was supposed to walk with a limp because pretty much a lot of titanium.

00:01:32.000 And then it was certainly not running.

00:01:34.000 And I'm doing far beyond all those things.

00:01:37.000 Don't know exactly why.

00:01:39.000 I can pontificate on why, you know.

00:01:42.000 What do you think of it?

00:01:43.000 I think it's...

00:01:45.000 Will is a really special thing.

00:01:49.000 And the love and fuel to fuel your will, I had in spades.

00:01:57.000 I feel like I could pretty much do anything if I set my mind to it.

00:02:02.000 When it was my essential part of my life, my recovery, was a 24-hour day job.

00:02:07.000 When typically I do many, many other things, right, as we all do in our lives, but when all my focus, like even parenting, was out the window until I can get better.

00:02:16.000 So I had to do that first.

00:02:19.000 So that being the central part of every thought, every fiber, every cell in my body was geared towards a one-way street of recovery. 0.95

00:02:27.000 Oh, I'm getting fucking better.

00:02:30.000 So I just got better. 0.98

00:02:32.000 What's the alternative?

00:02:34.000 I was brought back somehow, someway.

00:02:38.000 And it would be a disservice to not do all the things I'm supposed to be doing and want to be doing.

00:02:46.000 So it just took a lot of effort.

00:02:48.000 And it looked a lot of support.

00:02:50.000 Heck, dude, I mean, there's hundreds of people involved in helping me not die again.

00:02:57.000 But at the end of the day, the recovery, as you know, everybody's injured in some sort of way.

00:03:04.000 It's a lonely road.

00:03:05.000 It's only you.

00:03:06.000 No matter how much help you have or PT you have, if your tendons go, whatever the heck happens, you still have to put in the work every day and endure the pain and manage the pain and mitigate it.

00:03:17.000 It can be quite lonely, but I always found that my daughter and my family, as I see their faces, when I get better, I could stand up, let's say, or not pee in a jar.

00:03:29.000 I could get in a wheelchair.

00:03:31.000 Any sort of milestone, I'd see their faces get a little bit less horrified, even relieved, even quite joyful even.

00:03:37.000 So as much damage as I did to my family and their hearts, me getting better can...

00:03:45.000 Can relieve them of that burden.

00:03:47.000 So it was an easy one-way road to recover.

00:03:50.000 And that's why I recovered fast.

00:03:52.000 And I attribute it to my love for my family.

00:03:55.000 Wow.

00:03:55.000 So let's bring it back to the day of the accident.

00:04:00.000 When exactly was it?

00:04:02.000 It was New Year's Day.

00:04:04.000 New Year's Day.

00:04:05.000 New Year's Day, 2023.

00:04:06.000 Yeah.

00:04:07.000 And I host my family at my house up there, like 25 people.

00:04:13.000 Every post-Christmas to New Year's all the time.

00:04:16.000 Family, friends, whoever, just kind of come up and we can celebrate the holidays together.

00:04:20.000 Go skiing, all these type of things.

00:04:21.000 But we had a big kind of snowmageddon type snow event that, you know, shut down the mountain that I live on at the top of Lake Tahoe at about 8,000 feet elevation.

00:04:31.000 And we got just tons and tons of snow.

00:04:33.000 But it happens often.

00:04:35.000 Maybe not that intense of a storm.

00:04:37.000 But so much so where we were cut off from anywhere else.

00:04:40.000 We were snowed in.

00:04:41.000 Fine.

00:04:42.000 I'm prepared for that stuff.

00:04:44.000 Three days without power.

00:04:46.000 Prepared for it.

00:04:47.000 It's fine.

00:04:47.000 We can have fun.

00:04:48.000 It's actually a relief.

00:04:49.000 All the cell phones go off.

00:04:51.000 All the iPads go away and computers and everybody's just playing card games with headlamps on.

00:04:56.000 I mean, it's a riot.

00:04:57.000 So we had a good time.

00:04:59.000 You know, the food supply was still good.

00:05:00.000 But, you know, it's New Year's Day and we're getting a break in the weather.

00:05:03.000 So I decided I needed to clear the roads and see, come out for air, essentially.

00:05:09.000 And in doing so, that's when the accident sort of transpired.

00:05:12.000 And it's more of a routine type of thing to have a half-mile-long driveway up there.

00:05:18.000 And I have to maintain it myself, so I have a snowcat and a bunch of other snow removal type equipment.

00:05:24.000 There was a bunch of vehicles, snowmobiles even, things that got stuck in the driveway because it was a lot of extra snow.

00:05:30.000 And some of it was very light, and then it got very icy and hard, so you're sinking down like three or four feet into it.

00:05:35.000 And it was a hot mess, so I had to...

00:05:37.000 Try to dig all that stuff out using the snowcat, pulling this stuff out.

00:05:40.000 This thing, a snowcat, to describe it in words is pretty difficult, but it's like a tank.

00:05:46.000 It's probably, I don't know, 12 feet wide.

00:05:50.000 The tracks on each side, so it spins like a tank, like a skid steer.

00:05:54.000 There it is.

00:05:54.000 Yeah, there we go.

00:05:55.000 That's a small, tiny version of one.

00:05:58.000 But yeah, it's something kind of like Star Wars, you know.

00:06:01.000 But this minor or metal track is more like that one right there.

00:06:04.000 Oh, you got one like that?

00:06:05.000 That's it.

00:06:06.000 It's exactly like the one I have.

00:06:07.000 So, it's about like 16,000 pounds or so.

00:06:10.000 And it's very nimble on the snow.

00:06:15.000 Just to see it physically, put it back up, to see it physically and to know that that's what ran over your leg?

00:06:21.000 Oh, my whole body.

00:06:22.000 Oh, God.

00:06:23.000 Yeah.

00:06:25.000 So, you have to step on the tracks, you see, to get into the cab to operate it.

00:06:30.000 So, stepping on the tracks is a normal thing to do.

00:06:33.000 You just don't do it while you're operating it, right?

00:06:36.000 You run the thing, you drive it, and it's just easy.

00:06:38.000 It's a thumb, go forward, reverse, and you're neutral, and that's it.

00:06:42.000 It's really easy to operate.

00:06:44.000 But the accident happened because you have to get in and out off on those tracks, and I...

00:06:50.000 It hit the thumb thing and it threw me off and I was going towards my nephew so I had to jump back on and try to stop it from killing him because it was going to crush him between the truck and that big blade that I have.

00:07:01.000 You see that thing?

00:07:01.000 Yeah.

00:07:02.000 It's a few thousand pounds.

00:07:03.000 That thing's gnarly.

00:07:05.000 So my instinct was to jump back on it and try to stop it.

00:07:09.000 Obviously it didn't work out.

00:07:11.000 And it got ran over and there you go.

00:07:15.000 How much of your body did it run over?

00:07:16.000 The entire, all of it.

00:07:18.000 Oh my god.

00:07:19.000 If the tracks were here to jump in the cab, I leapt up and over to try to grab onto it and got sucked under the whole thing.

00:07:28.000 So the whole length of it just kind of...

00:07:30.000 So there's like a set of wheels that turn these tracks, you see?

00:07:34.000 And there's like six wheels.

00:07:36.000 So it undulates.

00:07:38.000 The first one was the worst, like the pressure and the skull crush and all that stuff.

00:07:42.000 And then it releases because of the undulation of the tire and the track.

00:07:47.000 And you're awake for that.

00:07:48.000 By the sixth undulation, just like, alright, alright, just kind of finish already.

00:07:52.000 And you're just like...

00:07:54.000 It's like you're drowning and being struck by lightning and bleeding out.

00:08:01.000 All the things all at once, man.

00:08:02.000 It's like an immense pressure and a movable object.

00:08:07.000 My skull kind of lost out but still survived.

00:08:11.000 Your skull kind of run over.

00:08:14.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:16.000 It's like, you know, Yeah, it's everything.

00:08:19.000 It's 38 broken bones and eyeballs out.

00:08:22.000 Oh my god.

00:08:24.000 Shout out to medical science. 0.95

00:08:26.000 I know, right?

00:08:27.000 And yeah, I mean, all the doctors were like, dude, I don't know how your eye's still operating or still working, but I think because I was on ice, because I did see it, I'm like, well, maybe I'm going to put this eye on ice and just kind of rolled into it.

00:08:42.000 I saw my eye with my other eye, right?

00:08:44.000 And I'm like, I'm going to be able to keep that thing, because I'm on like...

00:08:47.000 An icy asphalt driveway that's off of my driveway, right, at the top of the road.

00:08:52.000 So it wasn't really great for impact of getting ran over.

00:08:55.000 I wish I was on a snowpack.

00:08:56.000 It would have been maybe a little bit easier.

00:08:58.000 It would push me into snow, right?

00:08:59.000 But it wasn't.

00:09:00.000 So I just kind of rolled onto it, just like maybe I could kind of put the eye on ice until I could figure out how to breathe.

00:09:06.000 Oh, my God.

00:09:07.000 You know, I had to sort of laugh at it because it's weird to sort of think about that, you know?

00:09:14.000 Wow.

00:09:17.000 So 38 bones?

00:09:19.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:09:21.000 Yeah, it was like a lot of ribs and all my spiral fractures and my legs, all my joints were broken, all my ankles, my lees, none of my spine.

00:09:31.000 And I only got a laceration of my liver from one of the ribs breaking in a couple spots and I went down and kind of stabbed it.

00:09:38.000 But it didn't really mess it up too bad, so that's okay.

00:09:41.000 But all my organs, my brain.

00:09:45.000 I don't think there's any brain damage.

00:09:50.000 I'll use an excuse later, I guess.

00:09:53.000 Yeah, and my spine.

00:09:55.000 That's the miracle.

00:09:56.000 It's like, how did I break 14 ribs, right?

00:09:59.000 And I cracked my skull and every arm and leg and finger and thing, but my spine was spared.

00:10:05.000 Oh, my God.

00:10:06.000 And all my organs were spared in my brain.

00:10:08.000 So, like, it's kind of almost no harm, no foul at the end of the day, even though there's...

00:10:13.000 You know, probably 20% titanium in my body at this point.

00:10:16.000 So how many pieces of titanium were in you?

00:10:20.000 Well, the guy that invented this procedure worked at the hospital in Reno because there's a lot of crushing injuries that happened because of the ski resorts and mines that are in the area.

00:10:30.000 So I got really lucky to get this doctor.

00:10:32.000 But it took four doctors to get to this guy.

00:10:35.000 So says my family.

00:10:36.000 I was out in a coma.

00:10:39.000 But once they found this guy who was on vacation, the mayor of Reno actually called him and said, you've got to get back and help my friend out.

00:10:46.000 And so he rushed out and he's just like, this is what he does for a living.

00:10:49.000 He's like, oh, this is easy.

00:10:50.000 I can't wait to do this for this guy.

00:10:52.000 So it relieved on my family.

00:10:53.000 They were such relief because they were like, oh, he's going to lose his eye.

00:10:56.000 We're going to cut off his leg.

00:10:57.000 I mean, all this kind of tragic sort of prognosis, whatever you want to call it, right? 0.76

00:11:02.000 So this guy comes in.

00:11:03.000 No, no, it's fine.

00:11:03.000 We're going to hammer this thing in.

00:11:04.000 We're going to do this.

00:11:05.000 We're going to do his faceplate.

00:11:06.000 We're going to do this.

00:11:08.000 And just lucky that the orbital bone that broke and the cheekbone that broke, they only wanted to do that because my face as an actor made me want to save my cheekbone, I guess.

00:11:19.000 Not that I cared about it, but...

00:11:21.000 But yeah, he fixed up all my ribs and they used like this mesh and he has this sort of weird...

00:11:28.000 Way to kind of handle, if you fix one or two of the ribs that are all broken, the rest will kind of fall into place.

00:11:33.000 The body's pretty miraculous.

00:11:35.000 Just give it a little direction and then it heals on itself and it'll grow the bone.

00:11:40.000 So it's not as much titanium in my ribs as one might think for all those breaks.

00:11:45.000 It's only...

00:11:48.000 It looks like rebar, right?

00:11:50.000 You get a scan.

00:11:51.000 A lot of my body is like...

00:11:53.000 Do you have an x-ray of your body?

00:11:55.000 Yeah, somewhere.

00:11:55.000 Is it online anywhere?

00:11:57.000 Well, we can see it?

00:11:59.000 I don't know.

00:11:59.000 Do you have it on your phone or anything?

00:12:00.000 No, I don't think so.

00:12:01.000 I could ask my sister for it.

00:12:03.000 She's been showing everybody that thing.

00:12:07.000 It's pretty remedial looking, you know?

00:12:11.000 It looks like, you know, like I had a hammer.

00:12:15.000 And a 2x4 and some nails.

00:12:17.000 That's what this looks like.

00:12:19.000 Why is there a nail and two screws?

00:12:22.000 It's carpentry 101.

00:12:25.000 There's nothing like...

00:12:27.000 I think the guy that...

00:12:28.000 I had screws in my skull and my jaw because that broke in three spots.

00:12:33.000 And the guy took it out.

00:12:34.000 It's something that he got from Home Depot.

00:12:36.000 Literally, it's like some...

00:12:39.000 It just took it out.

00:12:40.000 I'm like, dude, it's squeaking like it's in wood.

00:12:43.000 Did he numb it or something?

00:12:45.000 I almost knocked this guy out.

00:12:49.000 It was just like...

00:12:50.000 It was unbelievable.

00:12:53.000 Unbelievable.

00:12:54.000 And I was always kind of half in the bag mentally.

00:12:58.000 It takes so much mental to deal with pain management.

00:13:07.000 And it's emotionally exhausting to deal with so many different things in your body.

00:13:13.000 So I'm always kind of half paying attention to things.

00:13:18.000 I'm much sharper mentally now because I don't have to mitigate so much inflammation, pain, and all the time.

00:13:25.000 So I can kind of be here and laugh with you.

00:13:27.000 But back then when this guy was...

00:13:29.000 I almost talked to this guy so hard, dude.

00:13:33.000 But yeah, I was really happy to...

00:13:37.000 It was a great milestone for me to get these screws out of my skull.

00:13:40.000 Jesus.

00:13:41.000 But that was worse than getting ran over by the snowcat, dude.

00:13:46.000 Really?

00:13:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:48.000 In terms of pain or just discomfort?

00:13:50.000 Well, no.

00:13:51.000 It wasn't so much the pain.

00:13:52.000 It's the haunting images of feeling my gums wrap around this screw and it's pulling out.

00:14:01.000 It's a lot longer than I thought it was.

00:14:03.000 And then there's three more to go.

00:14:06.000 It was more the visual is, in my mind, kind of what makes it terrible.

00:14:13.000 Because I'm a pretty visual guy.

00:14:15.000 So I don't think anything hurts me so much in a physical way.

00:14:20.000 But the visual is a pretty haunting image.

00:14:23.000 And the sounds, dude.

00:14:25.000 It vibrates your skull as he's taking it out.

00:14:28.000 And it's like...

00:14:30.000 This is what horror films are made of.

00:14:34.000 It's like a saw or something.

00:14:35.000 Is that the only thing that they had to take out?

00:14:38.000 Is the screws that were in your head?

00:14:39.000 Or did they take them out of your body as well?

00:14:41.000 No, they have to leave those in for the most part because why risk infection and open you up for something?

00:14:49.000 Yeah, so all the rest of the stuff stays in until those screws come loose.

00:14:54.000 At some point, they will.

00:14:56.000 They start backing out, right?

00:14:57.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:14:58.000 You'd think you'd put in a locking screw.

00:14:59.000 Right?

00:15:01.000 I've had friends that have had broken arms and starts poking out of the bone.

00:15:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:05.000 And they have to get another operation and get it removed.

00:15:08.000 Yeah.

00:15:09.000 So how many different plates do you have?

00:15:13.000 I think I got – it's only a couple in my face and they went in like underneath my cheek, a plate for my orbital socket and then for the cheekbone.

00:15:23.000 They put I think a plate or two over there to hold that bone in place. 0.86

00:15:26.000 Do you feel it?

00:15:30.000 I feel the lack of feeling in it.

00:15:36.000 It's still numbness to this whole side because they had to cut all these nerve endings to get in through your mouth.

00:15:43.000 So even this side of my face is slightly a little numb-ish.

00:15:49.000 And the rest of them, how much do you feel in all your different bones and joints and all the different things that got repaired?

00:15:59.000 Yeah, there's lots of scar tissue to work through all the time.

00:16:04.000 What's great is it's not any one spot.

00:16:06.000 It moves around.

00:16:08.000 Even if you're not injured, it's like if you just twist your leg wrong and then it goes up into your hip and then it's in your shoulder.

00:16:15.000 It moves around.

00:16:15.000 Your body kind of moves it around.

00:16:18.000 So you just kind of stay on top of it and there's always something to work through in your body.

00:16:24.000 And it's just, you know, look, I already have to do it anyway.

00:16:26.000 I'm 54. I'm going to have to take care of my health and I just have to make it a very central part of my life.

00:16:32.000 And so now do you have full range of motion, full mobility, everything is back to normal?

00:16:38.000 I don't know what normal is, you know.

00:16:42.000 I'm going to be, you know, I feel like I'm maybe 110% just because spiritually and mentally I'm so much better.

00:16:51.000 I got so many gifts from dying and coming back.

00:16:54.000 That, yeah, I'm 150%.

00:16:56.000 My body will always be, look, my body's aging, so I have to fight against age.

00:17:01.000 Well, recovery is age-reversing.

00:17:04.000 It's the same stuff that people are doing just to reverse age.

00:17:07.000 I just do it just because it's my recovery, and I have to for the rest of my life, just to prevent inflammation and discomfort and swelling, things like that.

00:17:15.000 So, when you have so many broken bones and so many broken joints, what is the recovery like?

00:17:22.000 Like, how do they even get you moving again?

00:17:25.000 Day by day.

00:17:26.000 Day by day.

00:17:27.000 Yeah, instantly.

00:17:27.000 As soon as I got home from the hospital, yeah, PT there and working to just move, keep things moving.

00:17:37.000 You have to.

00:17:38.000 Otherwise, you lose it.

00:17:40.000 You'll lock up or you lose it.

00:17:41.000 Seeing you walk around today in the studio, I would have no idea.

00:17:44.000 Yeah.

00:17:45.000 You look totally normal.

00:17:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:47.000 It's great.

00:17:48.000 It takes a lot of work.

00:17:49.000 And it's still working.

00:17:51.000 I was having to stretch in your studio, you know.

00:17:53.000 I have to move quite a bit so I don't lock up.

00:17:58.000 After a good night's sleep, it's like, eh, you could be a little stiff in the morning.

00:18:01.000 And I have to do some stretches and things like that.

00:18:04.000 But I think if I didn't get in the accident in 54, I'd probably have to do it anyway.

00:18:08.000 Right.

00:18:08.000 So it feels good to have to force the stretching, I think.

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00:19:30.000 And so just day by day, so you're completely bedridden initially, and how long does it take before you can sit up?

00:19:39.000 I don't know.

00:19:42.000 I don't know.

00:19:43.000 It's pretty – it moved pretty quick.

00:19:46.000 Randomly with the punctured lung and all this broke, the shoulder, the collarbone dislocation, all this stuff, that healed pretty quickly.

00:19:53.000 But that doesn't require gravity and force under your legs, like your legs have to take, right?

00:20:00.000 So that took a little bit longer in the legs, both ankles, right?

00:20:03.000 Those are under trauma and plates in those.

00:20:06.000 You know, this is all a pipe, essentially, a piece of rebar in my whole lower leg.

00:20:11.000 So that took a little bit longer.

00:20:13.000 But the ribs, ironically, it was only painful for, I feel like, a couple weeks.

00:20:18.000 I also had these, like, plastic suitcases for my lungs because I had to let it bleed out and this stuff was going in.

00:20:24.000 I don't know what goop was in that thing, but I had to carry those things around for a while.

00:20:28.000 Once I got rid of those, I was kind of sitting up a bit more, and I felt good once I was kind of sitting up.

00:20:35.000 But there's still, as you can imagine, so much trauma, so many places.

00:20:39.000 But I think the longest was really getting up to stand up, to walk, to get all your joints to work properly again, to relearn to walk, relearn to move because you really kind of have to.

00:20:52.000 There's a lot of atrophy, as you can imagine, that happens.

00:20:54.000 But I was standing up and moving around.

00:20:59.000 I got into a chair probably by February after like three weeks.

00:21:04.000 Wow.

00:21:06.000 And the more I can move, the faster you heal.

00:21:08.000 You're getting more blood flow.

00:21:10.000 You're getting your body to work better.

00:21:13.000 Help with my attitude and will to get out and sit up.

00:21:17.000 You know, all the things.

00:21:18.000 Each of these things are like milestones.

00:21:19.000 And I would just like, yeah!

00:21:20.000 And then move forward to the next thing and set a goal for myself.

00:21:23.000 Even if it was just like to sit up and turn.

00:21:27.000 I didn't have to set such big goals.

00:21:29.000 To reach too far.

00:21:30.000 To keep my confidence high.

00:21:32.000 Because I keep reaching these goals and just kept going and going and going.

00:21:35.000 And I find myself, again, it's 24 hours a day.

00:21:38.000 So what do I have to do today?

00:21:39.000 Well, I don't even have to ask.

00:21:40.000 It's got to get better.

00:21:42.000 And, you know, it just kept going.

00:21:44.000 And whatever thing, and there's so many things to attack to get better, it's like I never got bored.

00:21:49.000 I just had all these bands and stuff.

00:21:51.000 I remember being in a wheelchair and I'd wrap around like this desk and I'd be like a leg press.

00:21:56.000 You know, all these interesting ways to try to strengthen my body and get better.

00:22:02.000 Whatever wasn't, you know, anything that would work, I would do it.

00:22:06.000 I'd say no to nothing, say yes to everything, and let's try it.

00:22:09.000 Let's do it.

00:22:11.000 Took in everything.

00:22:12.000 Took in everything.

00:22:13.000 You know, they say that is one of the more difficult things with stroke victims, is the will to do the exercises to force yourself to recover.

00:22:25.000 Yeah.

00:22:25.000 Because so many people just, they have never done that before.

00:22:29.000 They've never pushed themselves before.

00:22:31.000 They don't, and there's this tendency to just kind of give up.

00:22:35.000 Some people have.

00:22:36.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:22:37.000 It's part of the reason why I wrote the book because it's a lonely place where people are struggling in recovery and when it's a lifetime recovery too.

00:22:46.000 I hope they can find something they can grab onto.

00:22:49.000 Like if this guy can get overcome this, I can get out of my own way here and maybe think of it a little differently.

00:22:57.000 The only thing we have control of ever in life and perpetuity is our perspective.

00:23:03.000 I could easily just go be victimized and cry about it and my career is over.

00:23:09.000 It's not even part of the narrative.

00:23:13.000 It's not even in the conversation.

00:23:14.000 It's like I'm getting better every day for the rest of my life.

00:23:17.000 That's it.

00:23:19.000 There's only one way to go.

00:23:21.000 What's the alternative, Joe?

00:23:22.000 What is the alternative?

00:23:23.000 I keep saying that to me.

00:23:25.000 What's the alternative?

00:23:25.000 I'm not going to stumble around through life.

00:23:28.000 I wasn't brought back here just to suffer.

00:23:31.000 That's not happening.

00:23:32.000 I'd say unplug the machine.

00:23:33.000 I'm done.

00:23:34.000 I'm out of here.

00:23:35.000 It's way better than being dead.

00:23:36.000 You know what I mean?

00:23:37.000 I'm not going to come back and just waddle and limp my way through life.

00:23:41.000 It's not going to happen.

00:23:42.000 What's crazy is if you didn't approach it like that, you probably wouldn't be able to walk.

00:23:47.000 Correct.

00:23:48.000 Yeah, because there have been a lot of people that have been gravely injured that never come back.

00:23:52.000 Yeah.

00:23:53.000 Yeah.

00:23:53.000 You have to push it, right?

00:23:54.000 Anything that's in your life for excellence, you have to obsess at it and risk everything for it.

00:24:02.000 You have to, or it's not going to happen.

00:24:04.000 No one's going to do it for you.

00:24:06.000 But what else are you going to do?

00:24:08.000 Yeah.

00:24:09.000 You know what I mean?

00:24:09.000 Again, like I said, what's the alternative?

00:24:11.000 Yeah, this sucks, but like, so does a cold plunge, and so does this, and so does that, and so does that.

00:24:15.000 You've got to really test. 0.66

00:24:16.000 We've got to test our bodies, our limits, to really have real growth, and especially in recovery.

00:24:21.000 You have to.

00:24:22.000 What else are you going to do, man?

00:24:24.000 You're going to take pills?

00:24:25.000 Right.

00:24:26.000 That was, again, one of the harder things, worse than the accident as well, is getting off OxyContin.

00:24:31.000 And I got off pretty quickly.

00:24:32.000 That's gnarly stuff, man.

00:24:34.000 I'm glad it was there for the pain for me, but I wanted to get off it as soon as possible because it's highly, highly addictive.

00:24:43.000 And coming off that stuff was gnarly.

00:24:45.000 It's so hard, and you have a really strong will, and some people don't.

00:24:50.000 I know.

00:24:50.000 And they put all people on that stuff.

00:24:52.000 That's crazy, dude.

00:24:55.000 Ironically, I was supposed to be doing a movie about...

00:25:00.000 The Sacra family.

00:25:02.000 Wow.

00:25:03.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:25:05.000 But it was supposed to happen literally that April or just that spring.

00:25:10.000 Obviously, that got canceled because I had to take Oxycontin to kind of get by.

00:25:15.000 But then I had to get off that stuff real quick.

00:25:18.000 It was really interesting, too, how people treated that.

00:25:21.000 You know, everyone, like, it was monitoring counting the pills.

00:25:24.000 It was a half a thing or this or that.

00:25:26.000 Everyone was on it.

00:25:27.000 Like, dude, what?

00:25:28.000 You treat me like I'm some sort of drug addict.

00:25:30.000 Don't give me this stuff.

00:25:31.000 I don't want it.

00:25:32.000 Jesus Christ, it's terrible.

00:25:33.000 But it's pretty powerful, powerful stuff.

00:25:36.000 And I don't ever blame sort of the drug.

00:25:38.000 I just think sort of how...

00:25:41.000 Maybe it's free to use and it's even supported in school systems.

00:25:45.000 That family kind of got away with a lot of stuff to promote that stuff.

00:25:49.000 To put it mildly.

00:25:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:25:51.000 It's a whole other...

00:25:52.000 You've seen Peter Berg's thing on Netflix, Painkiller?

00:25:55.000 Have you seen that?

00:25:57.000 It's a docudrama documentary.

00:26:00.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:26:01.000 Matthew Broderick.

00:26:02.000 Yep, yep.

00:26:03.000 It's gnarly, man.

00:26:04.000 Gnarly.

00:26:05.000 Yeah, that's an evil family.

00:26:07.000 Yeah.

00:26:07.000 What they did to people and just support the idea that, you know, hey, you could just be on this and you don't have any pain.

00:26:14.000 Don't worry about it.

00:26:15.000 And it's not even addictive.

00:26:18.000 Just...

00:26:18.000 Yeah, it's the knowing part and then...

00:26:21.000 Yeah.

00:26:21.000 Then double-downing and selling, really getting it out there.

00:26:24.000 And promoting it as a thing that you could be on forever.

00:26:28.000 Yeah.

00:26:28.000 Which is just insane.

00:26:29.000 Yeah.

00:26:30.000 So you're on it, and how long did you have to be on it for?

00:26:35.000 I, again, always working to get off of it.

00:26:39.000 And I think maybe it was around, if I got home on January 13th, Friday the 13th.

00:26:50.000 I think it was probably less than a month, probably like beginning of February, because I had all my molars and stuff got pushed in, so my mouth's a hot mess, my jaw's broken.

00:27:01.000 But I'd have night terrors, as you would, being awake through that trauma.

00:27:06.000 And I bit down, and the tooth was just in a certain spot and just cracked my molar.

00:27:10.000 And it goes down to the nerve and that.

00:27:13.000 I'm like, oh, I feel that pain.

00:27:15.000 But I'm on all this OxyContin.

00:27:17.000 I don't feel it. 1.00

00:27:18.000 Hmm, maybe I don't need to be on that shit. 0.99

00:27:21.000 So I had to go get that emergency extraction and get a post put in on my back molar. 0.99

00:27:26.000 And I said, well, I'll take it one more time just for the tooth pain or whatever even what the dentist gave me.

00:27:33.000 I think I took the dentist stuff, whatever that was.

00:27:36.000 And cold turkey off OxyContin and Gabby Penton.

00:27:40.000 Ooh, cold turkey.

00:27:41.000 Yeah, I didn't know.

00:27:43.000 You didn't know how hard it would be?

00:27:45.000 Oh no.

00:27:47.000 Did they tell you to tape it?

00:27:50.000 I don't really listen to the doctors.

00:27:52.000 I don't listen to the doctors, man.

00:27:55.000 So I started crying for about three and a half days straight.

00:28:01.000 Even during my PT, I'm just like, not that I'm even sad, but full crocodile tears.

00:28:05.000 Just tears.

00:28:06.000 Tears.

00:28:07.000 24 hours a day.

00:28:08.000 Just going.

00:28:10.000 I couldn't stop crying.

00:28:11.000 And I was shivering.

00:28:13.000 So this is all just withdrawal?

00:28:15.000 Withdrawal, yeah.

00:28:16.000 I wasn't thinking anything other than, like, why am I crying?

00:28:19.000 I didn't know it was withdrawal.

00:28:22.000 Because my mind's not there.

00:28:24.000 My mind's in recovery and getting off this stuff and focusing on holding my body up.

00:28:31.000 It takes just a lot of mental acuity to...

00:28:34.000 Just exist, right?

00:28:35.000 So I wasn't thinking that, yeah, of course.

00:28:37.000 I look back on it.

00:28:38.000 I was like, yeah, of course. 1.00

00:28:38.000 I'm coming off fucking heroin. 1.00

00:28:41.000 Jesus. 1.00

00:28:43.000 So, yeah.

00:28:43.000 And so I call my sister and I'm like, I don't know why I'm crying.

00:28:47.000 I can't stop crying.

00:28:48.000 She's like, well, let's call it.

00:28:49.000 I had these different doctors that we'd Zoom call with when I was at home.

00:28:54.000 And so we called the pain management doctor.

00:28:56.000 And she's like, look.

00:28:57.000 I told him, he's like, what are you doing?

00:28:58.000 You've got to taper off that.

00:28:59.000 It takes like two weeks at least.

00:29:01.000 You can't just cold turkey.

00:29:03.000 It's no wonder you're feeling all cold and all this stuff because that's all nerve stuff.

00:29:06.000 So I started feeling gravity.

00:29:09.000 I started feeling temperature.

00:29:10.000 I started feeling everything.

00:29:12.000 It was like on fire, right?

00:29:16.000 Why did you make the decision to go cold turkey?

00:29:18.000 Because I didn't want...

00:29:19.000 I don't like the feeling of being on pain meds.

00:29:22.000 I don't like, you know, I want to have my mind.

00:29:25.000 I mean, I was always using the humor to find my sobriety.

00:29:28.000 If I could land a joke, that means I'm reading the room and I'm hitting the timing right, whatever it is, you know, right?

00:29:34.000 So I wanted my, I needed my mind.

00:29:37.000 I needed my wit.

00:29:38.000 I needed my will to recover.

00:29:40.000 I needed sleep and I needed my brain.

00:29:42.000 And the drugs kind of numb my brain.

00:29:45.000 As they would, right?

00:29:47.000 As they'd numb your whole body.

00:29:48.000 So I just wanted off of them.

00:29:49.000 And I don't like how I feel.

00:29:51.000 You feel muddy.

00:29:53.000 And I just didn't like the feeling.

00:29:56.000 You know, it came with a price, but I got the okay to take a little fiber of Oxy to sleep on if you needed to mitigate some pain, just so I could sleep.

00:30:05.000 I'm like, okay, maybe I'll do that if it happens.

00:30:08.000 And I did once or twice or three times, maybe after that moment.

00:30:11.000 But I got through it.

00:30:12.000 And I got off it.

00:30:13.000 But I got off it because I cracked that tooth.

00:30:16.000 And that, I felt pain.

00:30:18.000 Like, that is like, that's not going to let me sleep at all.

00:30:20.000 It's a heartbeat in my brain.

00:30:22.000 My face is just like throbbing, right, as you would for anybody.

00:30:26.000 So I said like, oh, then I don't need to take the pain meds.

00:30:29.000 So that was my excuse to get off the pain meds.

00:30:31.000 Right.

00:30:32.000 Because if you're feeling pain and you're on the pain meds. 0.99

00:30:34.000 Yeah, I would have been on that shit much longer if I didn't crack that tooth. 0.99

00:30:37.000 Wow. 0.99

00:30:38.000 Because I wouldn't have the will to say like, oh, it's...

00:30:40.000 Get off this stuff, right?

00:30:42.000 But it took that.

00:30:43.000 I'm like, okay, well, I don't need it.

00:30:45.000 I had knee surgery in 93 and they gave me something.

00:30:50.000 It was either Percocet or Vicodin.

00:30:51.000 I don't remember what it was.

00:30:53.000 And I took it one time.

00:30:54.000 And I felt so bad. 0.98

00:30:56.000 I felt so stupid. 0.98

00:30:58.000 I remember being in my apartment in New York just feeling so dumb and just thinking I'd rather be in pain. 0.99

00:31:03.000 And so one day. 0.83

00:31:05.000 I took it one day and I'm like, that's it.

00:31:07.000 I'm done.

00:31:07.000 Yeah.

00:31:08.000 And then I sold it.

00:31:09.000 I sold my pills to this guy Jeff at the pool hall. 0.95

00:31:13.000 It's a dirtbag. 0.96

00:31:14.000 It was this dirtbag guy that I used to hang out with at the pool hall. 0.91

00:31:17.000 He had a bandana and long hair.

00:31:19.000 He was a hippie.

00:31:20.000 He always sold drugs.

00:31:21.000 And I sold them to him.

00:31:25.000 He's like, I'll take it.

00:31:26.000 What do you got?

00:31:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:31:27.000 What do you got?

00:31:27.000 And then I had surgery again.

00:31:30.000 I've had a bunch of different surgeries for jujitsu injuries, martial arts injuries.

00:31:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:31:35.000 Second time I had surgery on my knee, I had a knee reconstruction again on my other knee in 2003, and I didn't dig anything.

00:31:44.000 I'm just like, I don't want nothing.

00:31:46.000 I'm just going to deal with it, and it was okay.

00:31:49.000 Yeah, maybe anti-inflammatory or something.

00:31:51.000 I didn't even take that stuff, because I don't think that's good for you either.

00:31:55.000 Yeah.

00:31:56.000 You know, I mean, you're going to be in pain.

00:32:00.000 No matter what.

00:32:01.000 It's just going to dull it a little bit.

00:32:03.000 I'd rather feel it all.

00:32:04.000 I agree.

00:32:05.000 Accustomed to it and deal with it.

00:32:08.000 Yeah.

00:32:08.000 That was like back when I, even when I had my wisdom teeth pulled out when I was like 20 or something.

00:32:14.000 You know, that's pretty gnarly surgery, right?

00:32:16.000 And they give you like, it was a codeine or something.

00:32:18.000 You know, I just puked on that and said, no way.

00:32:21.000 Took one pill and I...

00:32:22.000 Never took, didn't sell it to anybody.

00:32:24.000 Isn't it astonishing that some people like it?

00:32:26.000 Yeah!

00:32:27.000 People party on it and they'll go drinking, like two Vikings and all that stuff.

00:32:30.000 I just, it's just the opposite for me.

00:32:32.000 I just can't.

00:32:33.000 It's just, my body doesn't agree with it.

00:32:34.000 Yeah.

00:32:35.000 I just, and I'm glad I don't like it.

00:32:38.000 I had a friend of mine who was a musician and he would write all his music on Vikings.

00:32:44.000 And I was like, what?

00:32:46.000 How do you do that, man? 0.99

00:32:47.000 Like, I took it, whatever it was that I took, I can't remember which one it was, but I felt like a moron. 0.99

00:32:53.000 I just felt like I had, like, 20% of my brain. 0.98

00:32:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:32:57.000 And it was just this dull, like, wet cotton stuffed in my head.

00:33:01.000 Yeah.

00:33:02.000 But, I mean, I guess maybe it's just, like, different biology.

00:33:05.000 Maybe different people react to it differently.

00:33:07.000 For sure.

00:33:08.000 Yeah.

00:33:08.000 It wasn't for me.

00:33:09.000 Yeah, I agree.

00:33:10.000 So, how long did it take for the withdrawal to subside?

00:33:15.000 By the time I got to the Zoom with the pain management doctor, he said, well, don't do that.

00:33:24.000 You should taper off.

00:33:25.000 Well, I'm already off it now.

00:33:28.000 I've come off the crying train.

00:33:32.000 Especially because he also made sense of it for me.

00:33:35.000 It's like day four by the time I talked to him.

00:33:39.000 It just helped me make sense of why I was feeling the way I was feeling.

00:33:44.000 It felt like a setback.

00:33:46.000 Right.

00:33:46.000 You know, because there are setbacks in recovery, but this felt like a real setback.

00:33:50.000 Like I couldn't grab of why – and I'm pretty in tune with like my body and my emotions and my everything.

00:33:57.000 And I just couldn't grab why I was – when it's so obvious.

00:34:02.000 Yeah.

00:34:04.000 But then, you know, I don't – I'm not the one really administering this stuff.

00:34:07.000 My mom just gave me the pill and doing peptide injections for me and, you know.

00:34:12.000 Rebirthing me, you know?

00:34:13.000 Taking care of me.

00:34:14.000 What peptides were you on?

00:34:16.000 Oh, man.

00:34:17.000 If I look back, I don't know.

00:34:18.000 I was getting three ml, so three loads.

00:34:21.000 And they were all mixed up, as you would.

00:34:26.000 Probably a lot of the same ones that I'm on now that I continue.

00:34:29.000 And I rotate in and out of different ones.

00:34:30.000 BPC-157.

00:34:31.000 BPC-157.

00:34:32.000 TB-500.

00:34:33.000 Yeah, all those.

00:34:35.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:34:35.000 AOD and MOTC.

00:34:37.000 And I have to do a lot of blood work.

00:34:39.000 My hemoglobin was a 2. Whoa.

00:34:43.000 Yeah.

00:34:43.000 That was what it was going back to work.

00:34:45.000 Whoa.

00:34:46.000 Back to Mayor Kingstown. 0.97

00:34:47.000 Crazy. 0.90

00:34:48.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:34:49.000 It's like the blood of a dead man, essentially.

00:34:51.000 I just got no energy.

00:34:52.000 So then I started really working with all my blood panels.

00:34:57.000 Big, giant, wide, 16-vile blood panels.

00:35:00.000 And that started to be my new course of recovery, of a cellular way, in a blood way.

00:35:08.000 And that's where I really started to get strong.

00:35:11.000 I was moving around.

00:35:13.000 I was mobile.

00:35:13.000 All the bones are healed.

00:35:15.000 By this time, it's like a year's gone by, but now I started working on cellular and blood health, and that's when I got to, like, my skin started to look great, you know, because your blood tells you what your body's producing and not producing, right?

00:35:27.000 So that was a great report card or barometer of where I was at, why I'm not, you know, where my mitochondrial levels are at, anything was at.

00:35:36.000 So it was really, really great.

00:35:38.000 Part of my recovery.

00:35:39.000 And that's what I'll continue to do and still continue to do today.

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00:37:13.000 Did you use a hyperbaric chamber?

00:37:15.000 Oh, yeah.

00:37:15.000 That must have helped.

00:37:17.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:37:17.000 What it did for me, it's not something, I don't think there's many things in my recovery that you do that feel good.

00:37:23.000 It just doesn't make you feel as shitty.

00:37:25.000 Right.

00:37:27.000 It's like you're building a mountain one layer of pain at a time.

00:37:31.000 Yeah.

00:37:32.000 But hyperbaric is great.

00:37:34.000 It helps with lactic acid when you're working out.

00:37:36.000 All the oxygen you put in your body is a great necessity.

00:37:41.000 Again, they're one of those things that are even age-reversing.

00:37:43.000 It's also disease-preventative.

00:37:45.000 It's amazing, this thing.

00:37:47.000 And I got one that was...

00:37:49.000 You can sit in and do multiple things.

00:37:51.000 I can't just sit there for an hour and a half in the chamber and, like, I'll go crazy.

00:37:57.000 I have a busy brain, you know.

00:37:59.000 And so I get a computer or whatever, email, whatever I can do to kind of continue to do it, to make it a part of my life.

00:38:04.000 Oh, that's cool.

00:38:05.000 Yeah.

00:38:05.000 And then I go into, like, a red light bed, a high-powered red light infrared bed.

00:38:09.000 Then it moves all that oxygen through my body even more so and gets deeper into the tissue.

00:38:14.000 Amazing.

00:38:14.000 Yeah, I use both of those things.

00:38:16.000 Yeah, those are huge parts of my life.

00:38:17.000 Yeah, but I would imagine for something like what you went through, it's imperative.

00:38:22.000 Yeah, yeah, for tissue recovery, and oh man, huge, huge, huge.

00:38:26.000 Faster for repair.

00:38:27.000 And so from, so a year later, you're walking around.

00:38:32.000 Yeah, I was walking by, my daughter's birthday was March 28th, so...

00:38:38.000 I guess a few months later, I was walking, but it was assisted, very assisted, weak walking with cane or a walker.

00:38:45.000 So that had to be amazing.

00:38:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:38:48.000 And then I was, by the summertime, I stopped doing recovery.

00:38:53.000 The intense 24-hour day recovery.

00:38:55.000 I would do like a 12-hour day recovery and then go walk in the sand in Lake Tahoe.

00:38:59.000 Lake Tahoe is the world's biggest cold plunge.

00:39:02.000 It's a freezing-ass lake.

00:39:03.000 So I just go dip my legs in that lake, walk in the sand.

00:39:06.000 It's great for instability in your ankles, your joints, your hips.

00:39:09.000 And I would just do that kind of stuff.

00:39:11.000 Even ride a jet ski.

00:39:12.000 I was riding a jet ski in June.

00:39:14.000 Wow.

00:39:15.000 Yeah, taking it easy.

00:39:16.000 I'm not doing anything nuts.

00:39:18.000 Just living life.

00:39:19.000 You know how good that is for your mental acuity, your spirit, your emotional body, and all that stuff.

00:39:24.000 So I was out in the sunshine getting vitamin D. I was in nature.

00:39:28.000 I was with friends.

00:39:29.000 I could do life stuff.

00:39:31.000 I'm back in life stuff.

00:39:34.000 That's a great confidence builder.

00:39:36.000 So I kept trying to do those things.

00:39:37.000 And then, of course, I have to go back into all the recovery stuff that I always do.

00:39:42.000 But I'm just happy I can do it.

00:39:45.000 What does the cold water feel like with, like, I mean, you have a rod through your tibia.

00:39:52.000 Yeah, the cold water, that's not the issue.

00:39:54.000 It's when it's cold weather.

00:39:55.000 Yeah?

00:39:57.000 Like anybody, you're stiffer.

00:39:59.000 Your blood slows and all that stuff.

00:40:02.000 So it doesn't help.

00:40:02.000 I need circulation in my joints.

00:40:04.000 Tendons don't get a lot of blood flow.

00:40:06.000 I really got to work at...

00:40:08.000 Getting blood flow in these joints.

00:40:10.000 Otherwise, they'll stiffen.

00:40:12.000 And I'm just slower going.

00:40:14.000 Everything just feels a little bit more robotic.

00:40:17.000 But I think that's...

00:40:18.000 Before injury, it's that for anybody, right?

00:40:20.000 Also, elevation.

00:40:21.000 I mean, 8,000 feet elevation in Tahoe.

00:40:23.000 So all those things aren't really kind of helping to my recovery, but my body will respond in those...

00:40:29.000 Oxygen-depleted environments and all that stuff.

00:40:32.000 So maybe it did help.

00:40:33.000 Maybe it didn't.

00:40:34.000 I don't know.

00:40:34.000 But I did most of my initial recovery in LA.

00:40:37.000 And then when I could, I got out to Tahoe to be in my sort of happy place in nature.

00:40:42.000 Did they have to reconstruct your knees?

00:40:45.000 Did you?

00:40:45.000 No.

00:40:46.000 No.

00:40:47.000 None of that.

00:40:48.000 There was cracks in my ankles.

00:40:50.000 And my foot spun around a handful of times.

00:40:53.000 There was a spiral fracture in my leg.

00:40:56.000 So they had to...

00:40:57.000 Hit a rod down into my knee, and they had to screw it, screw it, you know, with plates and all that stuff.

00:41:02.000 So I didn't ensure I just moved those things.

00:41:05.000 So I don't know.

00:41:05.000 It wasn't full, like, reconstruction.

00:41:07.000 Like, people get a new knee or a new hip.

00:41:10.000 It was just a lot of breaks.

00:41:11.000 My pelvic broke in three spots, my hips.

00:41:14.000 You know, but you don't fix that. 1.00

00:41:16.000 They even said, you broke your asshole. 1.00

00:41:17.000 I'm like, is that what you say as a doctor? 1.00

00:41:19.000 Is that how you say it?

00:41:21.000 Come on.

00:41:25.000 That's hilarious.

00:41:26.000 I think there's another word for it.

00:41:31.000 I think he was trying to make me laugh, and I did.

00:41:35.000 And Eric makes you laugh.

00:41:37.000 He's like, you broke everything, Jeremy. 1.00

00:41:38.000 You even broke your ass. 1.00

00:41:39.000 I'm like, alright, that's great. 1.00

00:41:41.000 Wow.

00:41:42.000 Wow.

00:41:43.000 And so you've gone through the 12-hour, now you're in like this 12-hour day recovery.

00:41:51.000 Yeah, summertime, yeah.

00:41:52.000 So I gotta do like...

00:41:54.000 Just life stuff.

00:41:56.000 And that was really my first shot at allowing myself to think that there's a future and I'm not going to live a life of full-time recovery for the rest of my life.

00:42:09.000 Oh, I can actually go do some other things that I enjoy doing with people in kind of a normal way.

00:42:15.000 So I was without a cane, without anything by the time by June and summer came around.

00:42:19.000 So I'm moving around.

00:42:21.000 I'm moving around with inflammation and getting downstairs very slowly.

00:42:25.000 But as you would, as long as you're patient, as I was, as aggressive I was with my recovery, I allowed patients to also live within that aggressive attack on each joint or each inflammation or wherever it was.

00:42:38.000 I do allow patients.

00:42:42.000 Because I allow myself to push hard, hard, hard, hard.

00:42:44.000 I listen to my body. 1.00

00:42:45.000 The body says, fuck off. 1.00

00:42:46.000 I'm like, all right. 1.00

00:42:46.000 I'll chill out for a second and then keep going. 1.00

00:42:50.000 But I got to live life and that was so rewarding to my spirit and my confidence, which you need in those kind of dire times.

00:43:01.000 And I keep going.

00:43:03.000 And then, like I said, when we got to getting back to work because I got so ready.

00:43:08.000 Maybe I'm down to like four hours a day of recovery by the end of that first year.

00:43:12.000 I'm like, I'm gonna go back to work.

00:43:13.000 I need to get back out into the world and use life as my recovery and still only spend four hours a day on hyperbaric chamber, red light, whatever the heck I could do to...

00:43:25.000 I mix it all up.

00:43:26.000 It's a bunch of different stuff.

00:43:28.000 A lot of heat, a lot of vibration.

00:43:30.000 Power plate stuff.

00:43:31.000 That was really great for numbing the nerve endings, my back of my knees, back of my ankles, that kind of stuff.

00:43:37.000 I don't know if you ever used that stuff.

00:43:38.000 No.

00:43:39.000 What are you doing?

00:43:40.000 I used to have this thing.

00:43:42.000 God, what was it called?

00:43:43.000 It was a thing you stand on.

00:43:44.000 It's like it would shake you with different vibrations.

00:43:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:50.000 And it would slow it down.

00:43:51.000 It would make it fast.

00:43:52.000 It's like that.

00:43:53.000 And that really was great for numbing the back of my knees.

00:43:56.000 That would really still ache.

00:43:58.000 Back of my ankles.

00:43:59.000 So it's not quite so sensitive.

00:44:02.000 I don't know if it floods the nerve endings with blood or whatever the heck it does, but it just kind of numbs it out.

00:44:07.000 I can go to sleep on it.

00:44:08.000 It's great.

00:44:09.000 It's beautiful.

00:44:09.000 I used to have one of those at my house in LA.

00:44:11.000 I don't even remember what it's called now.

00:44:12.000 It was just some machine.

00:44:14.000 It had a bunch of different programs.

00:44:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:44:16.000 It's power plate.

00:44:17.000 It's probably a power plate.

00:44:18.000 Well, power plate, I think, is the one that you work out on.

00:44:20.000 You can.

00:44:21.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:44:21.000 This one was a little different.

00:44:23.000 This one would just shake you at a bunch of different frequencies.

00:44:28.000 Oh, interesting.

00:44:28.000 You would stand on it, and it was supposed to just do a bunch of stuff for your hormones and endocrine system and all sorts of different stuff just by the vibration.

00:44:40.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:44:41.000 Yeah, it helps me a lot.

00:44:43.000 Interesting.

00:44:43.000 For sure.

00:44:46.000 Oh, you're doing sauna and stuff like that as well?

00:44:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:44:49.000 I usually use just the red light bed.

00:44:52.000 It's shaped like a coffin or a Channing bed one.

00:44:58.000 It's just as effective, I think, as you're going to the sauna.

00:45:01.000 It doesn't take too long to heat up or anything.

00:45:03.000 You just get in that thing and cook.

00:45:05.000 It's amazing.

00:45:06.000 And it's amazing that even like an LED light like that or infrared light could warm you up so much, but it's intense.

00:45:12.000 I love it.

00:45:13.000 And then after a while, do you start lifting weights?

00:45:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:45:16.000 I started training as soon as I got the—when I started doing blood work because my hormone, my testosterone was at 200.

00:45:25.000 My hemoglobin was at 2. Everything was— Your body's just wrecked.

00:45:29.000 Oh, it's wrecked.

00:45:30.000 And I'm going back to work.

00:45:32.000 So I had to attack why I was falling asleep during workouts that I'm trying to do or whatever.

00:45:38.000 They only scheduled me to leave me six hours a day on set.

00:45:41.000 Because, you know, I fell asleep in the middle of a scene.

00:45:44.000 Oh, my God. 0.99

00:45:44.000 They're like, who's going to wake that fucker up? 0.99

00:45:50.000 Oh, man. 0.99

00:45:50.000 So, yeah, so I had to really work on that. 0.99

00:45:52.000 And once I got, I think it was really the testosterone.

00:45:55.000 Once I got that level to like 700, 800 constantly, then I had more energy.

00:46:00.000 And that allowed me more energy in the gym.

00:46:02.000 And once I had that, that got me more energy.

00:46:04.000 So it just started feeding upon itself.

00:46:06.000 I was doing blood panels every week.

00:46:09.000 And I just saw progress, progress, progress and then I just started lifting and I had so much energy and I felt better.

00:46:16.000 The more I lifted and moved and stretched and it just kept compiling just like most things in life and it got easier like most things.

00:46:25.000 Oxygen chamber, that's better when you compile on it.

00:46:27.000 Same with red light stuff.

00:46:28.000 No one time at anything is going to do anything, but if you do it often enough and make it a central part of your life, it's like, oh, I was on fire.

00:46:35.000 It's great.

00:46:36.000 I started running.

00:46:37.000 You can run now.

00:46:38.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:46:39.000 Wow.

00:46:39.000 For distance?

00:46:41.000 Yeah, I mean, I don't know where I'm running to.

00:46:43.000 I was never a distance guy.

00:46:44.000 I was always a sprinter, right?

00:46:45.000 I was a sprinter from high school and college.

00:46:50.000 Does it hurt when you run?

00:46:52.000 It feels like...

00:46:57.000 If you've ever been in a car, you're on the freeway and it has a misalignment or it's a little shaky, or you've got a flat tire, it feels like I've got four flat tires when I'm running.

00:47:07.000 It looks great.

00:47:08.000 It looks like, oh, this guy has no problem with this guy.

00:47:10.000 Just boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. 0.99

00:47:11.000 And it feels like the wheels are going to fall off.

00:47:14.000 Wow.

00:47:15.000 Mentally or something.

00:47:16.000 It just feels like it's...

00:47:17.000 Because it's a lot of pressure to put on all these joints, right?

00:47:24.000 I haven't sprinted really much in a while.

00:47:28.000 I haven't really worked on that.

00:47:29.000 I've been working on other things, you know, blood and cells and that kind of stuff.

00:47:33.000 So, I mean, sprinting is not, you know, what am I doing?

00:47:36.000 What am I going to do?

00:47:37.000 Sprint?

00:47:39.000 54, for God's sakes.

00:47:41.000 Maybe, like, for, you know, because you do stunts in movies and maybe at some point I'll have to sprint.

00:47:47.000 I don't know.

00:47:48.000 Or maybe not. 1.00

00:47:49.000 Maybe just don't do that shit, you know? 1.00

00:47:51.000 Yeah, well, maybe you can, though. 1.00

00:47:54.000 Sure I can.

00:47:54.000 I think you can.

00:47:55.000 I already have.

00:47:57.000 Believe it.

00:47:57.000 I just don't know if I want to make that a central part of the acting experience.

00:48:02.000 Well, that would be an absolutely phenomenal turnaround to go from where you were to going back to action films.

00:48:09.000 Yeah, yeah, to go play Hawkeye or something.

00:48:11.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:48:12.000 Or Bourne Identity.

00:48:13.000 Yeah, that's tough.

00:48:15.000 That would be a tough one.

00:48:16.000 That was in excellent shape for that one.

00:48:19.000 That would be a challenge.

00:48:20.000 Yeah, I would imagine.

00:48:22.000 I don't know.

00:48:23.000 Do I want to tax my body?

00:48:25.000 I don't know.

00:48:26.000 Probably should.

00:48:27.000 Is it taxing your body or is it strengthening your body?

00:48:29.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:48:30.000 I don't know.

00:48:30.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:48:31.000 How many miles can you get on this stuff, right?

00:48:34.000 On titanium.

00:48:36.000 I think it's forever.

00:48:37.000 I think it's permanent.

00:48:39.000 I mean, everything you have just reinforces the recovery of the bones, right?

00:48:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:48:45.000 And then you just have a plate there that just keeps the bones in order.

00:48:49.000 Yep.

00:48:50.000 I mean, all the titanium in my body is useless at this point.

00:48:53.000 It did its job, and the bone's grown.

00:48:57.000 So it just stays there now.

00:49:00.000 Is there an argument that the titanium hinders you at all?

00:49:05.000 Well, I mean, it is foreign metal in your body.

00:49:10.000 It's not rejecting it, but there is a point where it could.

00:49:14.000 You know, just like allergies.

00:49:16.000 You don't get allergies sometimes for 40 years in your life and all of a sudden I'm allergic to down.

00:49:20.000 It could reject it.

00:49:21.000 Who knows?

00:49:21.000 You never know.

00:49:24.000 I'll cross that bridge.

00:49:26.000 I'm worrying about today.

00:49:27.000 I'm here with you. 1.00

00:49:27.000 I'll worry about that shit later. 1.00

00:49:29.000 It's just so impressive. 1.00

00:49:30.000 Yeah, it really is.

00:49:31.000 It really is amazing.

00:49:32.000 Yeah.

00:49:34.000 Because at any other time in history, you're dead.

00:49:36.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:49:37.000 Any other time in history.

00:49:38.000 Oh, yeah. 0.91

00:49:38.000 20 years ago, you're dead. 0.91

00:49:39.000 Connor.

00:49:40.000 Yeah.

00:49:40.000 You're a Connor.

00:49:41.000 20 years ago.

00:49:42.000 It's insane, right?

00:49:43.000 It's amazing.

00:49:44.000 What a great blessing to have all those people, even the EMTs and all the people that were there, the life-saving stuff that did all the stuff that they had to do, man.

00:49:54.000 There's so much...

00:49:55.000 And I'm really known in that community, especially in the EMTs and all that sort of stuff.

00:50:00.000 I have a lot of firefighter friends and all that stuff, so it's just like a...

00:50:03.000 You're just getting a little extra juice and love from these people.

00:50:07.000 I knew...

00:50:09.000 One of my best friends is a firefighter in that area, Jesse, and he's just retired.

00:50:14.000 He got the phone call from his buddy who had to, like, stab my chest and release the pressure from the lung and da-da-da, like, on the ice.

00:50:22.000 And he's the one that says, look, dude, Jesse, Jeremy, we did the best we could, dude.

00:50:27.000 You don't want to get to the hospital.

00:50:28.000 Wow.

00:50:29.000 And that's, like, code for, like, he's gone.

00:50:31.000 He's gone.

00:50:32.000 Yeah.

00:50:33.000 But, I mean, but they were like, you know.

00:50:37.000 I talked to them all later.

00:50:38.000 I saw every nurse.

00:50:39.000 I saw every doctor. 0.99

00:50:40.000 I went by every ENT, even the pilot that flew me up there and just had to give everyone the biggest squeeze and apologize if I was a pain in the ass or whatever it was, man. 0.64

00:50:51.000 It's that reminds me of just why I'm back anyway and the only thing that you take with you is love, man. 0.51

00:50:59.000 The beginning of the audiobook is your daughter.

00:51:01.000 Yeah.

00:51:02.000 Yeah.

00:51:03.000 That was the one I had the hardest time with.

00:51:06.000 Yeah.

00:51:07.000 Yeah.

00:51:07.000 Because it's...

00:51:09.000 Can you imagine?

00:51:10.000 Yeah, I can't imagine, you know?

00:51:13.000 Dude.

00:51:17.000 Does this...

00:51:17.000 I mean, it must forever change your perspective on life because you've crossed back.

00:51:23.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:51:24.000 Well, it just made it easier. 0.88

00:51:26.000 It's ripped away all the white noise, things I gave credence to, things I gave value to are just fucking meaningless. 1.00

00:51:33.000 Bullshit. 1.00

00:51:34.000 Bullshit. 1.00

00:51:35.000 All the bullshit. 1.00

00:51:35.000 Bullshit is gone. 1.00

00:51:37.000 And I just don't. 1.00

00:51:38.000 Sadly, I'm in a spinning rock with people and capitalism and stuff.

00:51:45.000 I just don't feel like I belong.

00:51:48.000 But I do.

00:51:50.000 A lot of times I just don't feel like I fit into how things work.

00:51:59.000 Or seem to work down here.

00:52:01.000 Or I just don't do things that I don't give value to.

00:52:05.000 I only do things that are valuable in my life.

00:52:07.000 That's it.

00:52:08.000 That is it.

00:52:09.000 I do nothing else.

00:52:10.000 It is amazing how much time and energy people put into things that ultimately at the end of the life, they're not valuable.

00:52:17.000 They don't mean anything.

00:52:18.000 And they occupy most of your thinking.

00:52:20.000 That's right.

00:52:20.000 Or even your time or your career.

00:52:23.000 Right? 0.99

00:52:24.000 How many people do careers that they fucking hate? 0.99

00:52:26.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:52:27.000 Whether they're in a marriage, they just fucking despise, you know, all this stuff. 0.95

00:52:30.000 You're spending too much time doing what? 0.98

00:52:32.000 Why, why, why?

00:52:34.000 Because of fear.

00:52:35.000 Because of fear, you get trapped, and it's too difficult to get out, and, you know, they get too deep and buried into some place that they get, I don't know, paint themselves in a corner, you know?

00:52:44.000 It's quite sad, you know?

00:52:48.000 It is sad, but it's also, I mean, there's an amazing example that you can...

00:52:56.000 Shine to the rest of the world that maybe people don't have to go through what you went through to realize that most of what you're thinking about all day, especially if you're one of those people that's wrapped up in social media, most of the things you're thinking about all day are just nonsense.

00:53:13.000 Just total nonsense that's stealing your life.

00:53:17.000 One of the reasons why I wrote the book is I hope there's things that I learned and the gifts that I received from Yeah.

00:53:31.000 and struggle.

00:53:32.000 It doesn't have to be a physical struggle, but, you know, it's a certain way to think and perspective to work your way through it because it is a lonely place.

00:53:41.000 And I think there's something beautiful about the narrative of an author to a reader or even just audio, which is even more intense because you get the 911 call and it's kind of dramatic in that sense, but, like, it's pretty intimate.

00:53:54.000 I think you can really move the needle for somebody.

00:53:57.000 The more open and honest and vulnerable I am in sharing the narrative, the more I have a chance at connecting with the reader or listener.

00:54:06.000 No doubt.

00:54:07.000 The thing is about when you're in the middle of a struggle, it never seems like you're going to get out of it.

00:54:13.000 And you're trapped.

00:54:14.000 And it's so difficult for people to trust the process or to trust that it will get better.

00:54:22.000 And this is unfortunately why a lot of people end their lives because they do not think it's going to get better.

00:54:27.000 And you hear it from so many people that almost took their life or failed when they tried to take their life and now realize, oh my god, I was so wrong.

00:54:36.000 It does get better.

00:54:38.000 I am better.

00:54:39.000 Everything's better.

00:54:39.000 And I just didn't see the light.

00:54:42.000 I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

00:54:44.000 I thought there was just nothing but this feeling that I couldn't endure.

00:54:49.000 That hopelessness?

00:54:50.000 Yeah.

00:54:50.000 That weighs heavy, doesn't it?

00:54:54.000 You can't afford that.

00:54:56.000 You can't give that power.

00:54:58.000 You can't give that power.

00:54:59.000 You can't.

00:55:00.000 I think anybody can sink into that, right?

00:55:03.000 Anybody can sink into that.

00:55:04.000 Anybody can sink into that.

00:55:05.000 It's just so hard for people that have never gone through something before.

00:55:08.000 If your life has been really easy and then all of a sudden you're tasked with one of the most difficult burdens ever, overcoming the fear and the feeling of wanting to end life because you can't take it.

00:55:24.000 See, I've been there.

00:55:25.000 I mean, Jesus.

00:55:28.000 Look, I think people need to suffer.

00:55:33.000 It is an actual requirement of life.

00:55:36.000 It is the fiber, the DNA of love.

00:55:39.000 Real love and true love and perpetuity can't exist without suffering.

00:55:47.000 It's impossible.

00:55:48.000 But you don't appreciate it.

00:55:49.000 Yeah, you have to have suffering.

00:55:51.000 And suffering doesn't have to be looked at as a negative thing.

00:55:54.000 It could be looked at as a beautiful thing.

00:55:56.000 It's where real love comes out of.

00:55:58.000 Yeah.

00:55:59.000 You know, all my suffering, there was real love in there.

00:56:03.000 Everyone around me just in this recovery or in a loss I may have had from an uncle or a grandparent or whatever.

00:56:11.000 You know, there's real love that comes in that suffering.

00:56:13.000 You know, even though it can be a lonely experience.

00:56:16.000 I mean, I look at it.

00:56:18.000 That way.

00:56:18.000 And not as a negative, terrible thing.

00:56:20.000 Because it's just temporary.

00:56:22.000 And it's so counterintuitive, though.

00:56:24.000 What's that?

00:56:25.000 It's counterintuitive.

00:56:26.000 In a negative term of it, right?

00:56:27.000 But we all have to suffer, right?

00:56:29.000 I mean, it's part of the human experience, right?

00:56:32.000 It's the Joe Rogan experience.

00:56:37.000 I'm not suffering.

00:56:37.000 I'm having a great time with you.

00:56:39.000 But, you know, I don't think people welcome that or allow that to happen in their lives and let it be okay.

00:56:44.000 That the suffering that we suffer at the hard times are the building blocks to our...

00:56:49.000 To who we are.

00:56:50.000 It builds resilience.

00:56:51.000 Yeah.

00:56:52.000 It builds character.

00:56:53.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:56:53.000 It builds all those things.

00:56:54.000 Yeah.

00:56:54.000 I remember one time, I mean, this is a minor suffering in comparison, but one time I went on this hunting trip on Prince of Wales Island, which rains like 350 days a year.

00:57:05.000 And so we were up there for a week just getting drenched.

00:57:09.000 And, you know, you're camping, so you're in a tent, and you think, oh, well, I'll be dry in the tent.

00:57:13.000 You're not dry in the tent.

00:57:14.000 There's no dry.

00:57:15.000 There's no such thing as dry.

00:57:16.000 I remember I turned my headlamp on in the tent one.

00:57:19.000 Because I had to pee.

00:57:19.000 And I was going to step out of the tent to go to the bathroom in the rain.

00:57:23.000 And when I pressed the headlamp inside my tent, all I saw inside the tent was water vapor.

00:57:31.000 It was just filled with moisture.

00:57:34.000 There was just water, like droplets, all flying around inside the tent.

00:57:40.000 I'm like, oh my god.

00:57:41.000 You're never going to be dry.

00:57:43.000 There's no dry.

00:57:44.000 And, you know, it was just...

00:57:46.000 Miserable, but fun.

00:57:47.000 I was with good friends, and we had a good time.

00:57:49.000 Then I came back to LA, you know, a week later, and I remember I called my friend Steve Rinella.

00:57:55.000 I called because he's the one who took me on the trip, and I said, dude, it's sunny out, and I've never appreciated the sun like this before.

00:58:02.000 I'm at a level of happiness that I don't think I've ever felt before.

00:58:07.000 I'm just sitting outside with my eyes closed, just taking the sun.

00:58:10.000 It was wonderful.

00:58:12.000 LA is always sunny.

00:58:13.000 You get so used to it.

00:58:15.000 It's like you're a trust fund kid who can't appreciate money because you've always had it.

00:58:21.000 It doesn't mean anything to you.

00:58:22.000 But now all of a sudden just being drenched for seven days and being in that sun, I was like, ugh.

00:58:29.000 And then it made me realize, oh, you need to suffer.

00:58:32.000 Meaning to suffer, you're never going to appreciate this life.

00:58:34.000 And either you voluntarily suffer or you will suffer involuntarily because life, regular life will make you suffer.

00:58:42.000 Yeah, very true.

00:58:43.000 It seems sort of anti-human to want to do something to make yourself suffer, right?

00:58:49.000 It doesn't seem very sort of characteristics of...

00:58:52.000 We always want to take the fastest route to get somewhere.

00:58:55.000 It's just innate in kind of human nature to do that, sadly.

00:59:01.000 That leads to a life of complacency and mediocrity.

00:59:04.000 Well, if you look at life today, and if you look at society today, we have unprecedented levels of depression and unprecedented levels of anxiety and unhappiness.

00:59:15.000 Yet, it's probably the safest time ever.

00:59:19.000 And it's probably the easiest time ever. 0.99

00:59:22.000 It's so easy that poor people are fat. 0.99

00:59:25.000 That's how easy it is.

00:59:26.000 Like, that's never been the case.

00:59:28.000 All throughout history, poor people were starving.

00:59:31.000 And poor people are fat now.

00:59:34.000 Like, that's how easy it is to live, just to exist.

00:59:37.000 So, I mean, not saying that being poor is easy.

00:59:40.000 It's certainly not.

00:59:41.000 It's certainly a struggle.

00:59:42.000 But it's way easier than starving to death.

00:59:46.000 Like, this is like an unprecedented easy time. 0.97

00:59:48.000 And because of that, and because there's this narrative that people have to constantly seek comfort, to seek vacation and relaxation and retirement and all that bullshit. 0.97

01:00:00.000 And so that's in your head. 0.66

01:00:02.000 There's this softness to existence and so everything that comes your way is overwhelming.

01:00:09.000 Somebody said this once and it's like a great quote that I remember.

01:00:12.000 The worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that's ever happened to you regardless of how small that is.

01:00:19.000 So if the worst thing that's ever happened to you is like, I remember my girlfriend broke up with me when I was 18. And I was like, oh, I couldn't believe that I thought I was going to be with her forever.

01:00:29.000 I was so sad.

01:00:30.000 And then I think back, oh my god, that was the best thing that ever happened.

01:00:33.000 She was a nightmare.

01:00:34.000 But back then, I thought, I was probably a nightmare too.

01:00:38.000 But back then, I thought life was over, right?

01:00:42.000 Yeah, of course.

01:00:42.000 But you have to get through that in order to appreciate life, to really appreciate life.

01:00:48.000 We have this bizarre narrative in our head that you shouldn't suffer.

01:00:52.000 I know.

01:00:53.000 Where does that come from?

01:00:55.000 Well, because it used to be so difficult to live.

01:00:58.000 And so you would try to find a time where it wasn't difficult.

01:01:02.000 And so then it became the thing that everybody focused on.

01:01:05.000 Focused on chilling, relaxing.

01:01:07.000 And the people that I know that don't do anything and don't take any chances and don't take any risks and don't exercise and just seek comfort are the most miserable, anxiety-ridden people I know.

01:01:20.000 Pretty much dead inside, right?

01:01:21.000 Yeah.

01:01:21.000 That's complacency.

01:01:22.000 And that's the definition of complacency in my mind.

01:01:25.000 But again, it's counterintuitive, right?

01:01:26.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:01:27.000 Because you think comfort is easy.

01:01:28.000 It's relaxing.

01:01:28.000 It's nice.

01:01:29.000 Yeah.

01:01:30.000 But it's only relaxing if you've earned it.

01:01:32.000 Yeah.

01:01:33.000 Yeah.

01:01:33.000 Correct.

01:01:33.000 You've got to get through something in order to appreciate just chilling on the couch.

01:01:37.000 Yeah.

01:01:38.000 So that's why I always do – I have to fight my – I have to trick my own behavior into doing things I don't want to do all the time.

01:01:48.000 If I don't want to do it, I'm like, oh, I'm going to do it.

01:01:50.000 Don't even think about it.

01:01:50.000 Just go do it.

01:01:51.000 Right.

01:01:51.000 Because I know the lazy mind just wants to, like, oh, yeah, let me just skip the gym today or let me not do PT today or whatever the heck it is.

01:01:59.000 I don't want to get poked and prodded.

01:02:02.000 No, just do it.

01:02:03.000 Just go do it.

01:02:04.000 The thing you don't want to do is the thing you probably should be doing.

01:02:07.000 Almost always.

01:02:08.000 Yeah, and that's why I pretty much always just do that.

01:02:11.000 It gets me out of my way, out of complacency, just like laziness.

01:02:15.000 It doesn't exist because I do the opposite of what I want to do.

01:02:19.000 Well, that's why you're happy.

01:02:20.000 And that's why I'm so full of joy, dude.

01:02:23.000 I'm so happy.

01:02:24.000 I've never been happier, more connected to humans, more connected to my daughter, more connected to myself, more centered in my spirit, where I am right now, where I'll go, where I'll be, where I always am and always have been.

01:02:38.000 It's beautiful, man.

01:02:40.000 It's beautiful. 1.00

01:02:41.000 You gotta conquer your inner bitch. 1.00

01:02:43.000 You do, man. 1.00

01:02:45.000 That's what it is. 0.98

01:02:45.000 There's an inner bitch inside of everyone that's like, let's just do nothing. 0.98

01:02:50.000 You gotta go shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:02:52.000 You have to have like two minds. 1.00

01:02:54.000 Yeah, well you gotta surround yourself with others too that can inspire you too, right?

01:02:59.000 So then you do things as a, even as you and I go work out and do something, it's a lot easier than going to the gym by yourself, right?

01:03:05.000 Because we are social creatures, so let's do things that, like I'm doing, like I'm building a I have a whole rehab recovery center at my house.

01:03:14.000 Maybe I can open this to the public and make this a communal cool thing so everyone has access to this stuff.

01:03:21.000 I'm still considering doing that.

01:03:23.000 Just make it a place to be and hang so everyone can do it.

01:03:28.000 It's not just me.

01:03:30.000 Separating myself from other people.

01:03:33.000 Whatever it might be in my life.

01:03:35.000 I try to find ways to make it a communal thing so it makes it easier to...

01:03:39.000 To continue this in perpetuity.

01:03:42.000 That's another counterintuitive thing.

01:03:43.000 It's like you have to understand how important community is.

01:03:46.000 It's like a vitamin.

01:03:47.000 Yeah, big time.

01:03:48.000 It really is.

01:03:49.000 Yeah.

01:03:49.000 Well, that's a shared experience, too, that comes with that.

01:03:51.000 Negative or positive, in the tent with your friends.

01:03:54.000 And if you're alone in doing that, you have no one to share that misery with.

01:03:59.000 But at least you shared that experience with somebody.

01:04:01.000 You're like, dude, I never thought I'd love the sun so much. 0.99

01:04:04.000 Remember when we were fucking eating ass, sucking on the rainwater in that tent? 0.99

01:04:09.000 But even a negative experience can be, but it's shared. 1.00

01:04:11.000 It's still quite beautiful.

01:04:13.000 And it's a map, a milestone, a part of your life that uses barometer to change or appreciate the sun more or whatever it might be, right?

01:04:21.000 So those shared experiences, I think, are invaluable.

01:04:24.000 It's the only thing I chase in my life is that.

01:04:26.000 For people that ever want to start a fire when everything's wet, Fritos.

01:04:32.000 You know, little Fritos, little bags of Fritos?

01:04:35.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:04:35.000 Those little motherfuckers are so toxic that if you light those things, they're like little fire starters. 0.99

01:04:42.000 No way. 1.00

01:04:42.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

01:04:43.000 Fritos are crazy flammable.

01:04:46.000 They stay lit for a long-ass time because they're just soaked with oil.

01:04:50.000 Oil, yeah. 0.99

01:04:51.000 Yeah, like whatever oil, whatever horrible fucking seed oil, whatever fucking industrial lubricant those fucking things are made out of. 0.99

01:04:57.000 But when you light, they're essentially some sort of a corn byproduct and oil. 0.99

01:05:02.000 Oh, right.

01:05:02.000 Right.

01:05:02.000 And so if you light those fuckers on fire and then you get some semi-dry sticks and light them, light those.

01:05:10.000 And we started one fire one day because one day it didn't rain. 1.00

01:05:13.000 So that one day it didn't rain.

01:05:14.000 Me and my friend Brian Callen, we were determined to start a fire.

01:05:17.000 And so we just found like the driest possible.

01:05:21.000 Well, nothing was dry, but driest possible sticks and twigs and started it and then dried some logs out.

01:05:27.000 And they were hissing and steam was coming off them as we were lighting it.

01:05:31.000 Fritos.

01:05:32.000 Fritos are an amazing fire starter.

01:05:35.000 Kind of crazy.

01:05:36.000 That's crazy.

01:05:37.000 Makes you think about eating, though. 1.00

01:05:39.000 I was just going to say, I was about to eat this shit? 1.00

01:05:42.000 Which brings me to another question. 0.99

01:05:44.000 How much did you alter your diet after all this?

01:05:46.000 Because I would imagine anything that causes inflammation then becomes an issue.

01:05:51.000 Yeah, I didn't go down so much that route.

01:05:54.000 I was eating pretty good.

01:05:57.000 It didn't go into things that...

01:05:59.000 I haven't gone into that, even yet, to like, oh, what causes inflammation?

01:06:03.000 What am I eating that does that?

01:06:06.000 I haven't really gotten that far into it yet.

01:06:08.000 I'm still...

01:06:09.000 I'm sure I will.

01:06:11.000 There was a doctor who also helped me eat stuff, and I have people prepare some certain things for me, but I couldn't tell you what causes inflammation that I put in my mouth.

01:06:20.000 Could not.

01:06:21.000 I mean, maybe if I have wine, probably does.

01:06:23.000 Yeah, a little bit.

01:06:24.000 Alcohol does, for sure.

01:06:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:06:27.000 But again, I don't do – I really am good at moderating all things, all things good and bad.

01:06:35.000 So my body has a chance to sort of exist and it's not forced too many supplements, too many peptides, too many anything.

01:06:43.000 All good stuff I sort of just moderate.

01:06:46.000 So once I got my blood right – because I was like – 205 pounds.

01:06:52.000 I'd never been more than $1.65.

01:06:54.000 And it's just all this surgery weight and all this stuff, and it's hard to get off when you have your hemoglobin's 2. I just have new energy.

01:07:02.000 Also, you probably have to eat a lot, too, because your body needs calories in order to help you recover.

01:07:09.000 Proteins, too.

01:07:10.000 And also, it's difficult to eat because, again, my molars got pushed in.

01:07:12.000 It's hard to chew.

01:07:13.000 I look fine, but to chew on a steak and asparagus thing, it's tough for me to get through.

01:07:20.000 Still, to this day?

01:07:21.000 Yeah, it'll be forever.

01:07:22.000 I can't fix it.

01:07:23.000 If I start to move those molars again, they'll probably fall out.

01:07:26.000 Oh, wow.

01:07:27.000 Yeah, and I'd rather keep them and just be uncomfortable.

01:07:31.000 So they just got pushed in.

01:07:33.000 Yeah, this side.

01:07:35.000 Yeah, it's usually sort of like just like an arc to your thing.

01:07:37.000 So my bite just kind of arcs and then goes straight back.

01:07:40.000 Oh, wow.

01:07:40.000 Yeah, all these got pushed in and broke the jaw three times here.

01:07:44.000 And then just breaking the jaw, it doesn't ever really heal right.

01:07:48.000 So biting down is quite...

01:07:50.000 It's annoying. 0.71

01:07:51.000 It's full chaos in my mouth, but I don't bitch about it.

01:07:54.000 I just sort of accept what it is. 0.90

01:07:56.000 It could have been so much worse.

01:07:57.000 I have all my teeth.

01:07:59.000 I have a smile.

01:07:59.000 It's great.

01:08:00.000 I feel great.

01:08:02.000 I'm walking, I'm breathing, and I have love and joy in my life.

01:08:06.000 So who cares about what happens in my mouth, man?

01:08:08.000 Right.

01:08:09.000 You know what I mean?

01:08:10.000 Yeah.

01:08:10.000 No, it's really kind of an amazing story.

01:08:14.000 It's just amazing how these stories can be so inspirational for other people too, which is why I'm really glad you wrote your book.

01:08:22.000 Because these stories, like autobiographies, especially of people that you admire, that you've seen in movies before, it's like those struggles, they're so real.

01:08:32.000 And when someone's going through something themselves and they can turn to your book...

01:08:37.000 It can give them a lot.

01:08:38.000 It's fuel for people.

01:08:39.000 It really is.

01:08:40.000 Yeah.

01:08:40.000 For me as well.

01:08:41.000 I mean I resisted writing it because I still don't know how or why it can and will inspire people.

01:08:48.000 I can only make assumptions and I think it's so particular to the actual reader and the person.

01:08:52.000 So I can never sort of pontificate on how or why it's important or not.

01:08:56.000 But it is like it was an achievement for me to get through it word by word that I didn't want to do.

01:09:04.000 To relive it.

01:09:06.000 Because it's in my body.

01:09:07.000 I talk about it all the time.

01:09:09.000 It is a part of my narrative.

01:09:11.000 It's a part of my life.

01:09:12.000 Recovery is just my life.

01:09:14.000 And I love it.

01:09:15.000 I enjoy it.

01:09:16.000 I feel better.

01:09:17.000 I look better and all that stuff.

01:09:18.000 But the book now is a tangible sort of...

01:09:22.000 This is a great dialogue that we'll have as long as we want.

01:09:25.000 But it's just a dialogue that exists.

01:09:27.000 But now this is a tangible object with words.

01:09:30.000 The words don't change.

01:09:31.000 They stay there like a tablet.

01:09:33.000 And something kind of interesting about that is like a milestone or a tangible thing that now it exists in the world.

01:09:39.000 Right.

01:09:39.000 And psychologically that says a lot to me.

01:09:43.000 So even when I do die, that's still there so that maybe it can help somebody even when I can't.

01:09:49.000 Be there to talk with them or whatever it might be or even exist, right?

01:09:52.000 Or it'll exist long after you're gone.

01:09:54.000 Yeah, it's pretty interesting because I do movies and things like that or music.

01:09:58.000 Those are like the same thing as a conversation.

01:10:00.000 They just sort of exist in the moment.

01:10:02.000 Like, you know, it's great going to a concert, but then it's over.

01:10:05.000 Right.

01:10:05.000 And then that's it.

01:10:06.000 Well, what happened?

01:10:07.000 Well, I could tell you about the concert.

01:10:09.000 But something about something existing beyond your life is something pretty interesting.

01:10:14.000 What was the process like of writing?

01:10:16.000 Did you physically sit down and write things?

01:10:19.000 Initially, I have a ghostwriter who helped me because I've never written a book.

01:10:25.000 I've written a lot, but I've never written a book.

01:10:28.000 So I wanted to get the format right.

01:10:30.000 So we would work through this format.

01:10:32.000 It's almost like an outline.

01:10:33.000 So we'd just do interview by each of the sections of this outline that we put out.

01:10:38.000 So then we would just talk like this.

01:10:40.000 Let's talk about this thing.

01:10:41.000 Take me moment by moment.

01:10:43.000 In the accident.

01:10:44.000 I'm like, all right, let's do that.

01:10:46.000 And we'd meet every day for like two, three hours, however long I could sustain going word by word on it.

01:10:52.000 And we recorded all the things.

01:10:54.000 And I would write on my own because it would kick up new memories and start writing about the Lamaze thing.

01:10:58.000 And, oh, gosh, that came up.

01:11:00.000 And that became a whole chapter in the book about breathing, my awareness to breathing.

01:11:07.000 I hope it became so important in my life.

01:11:09.000 Anyway, so I just kept going and writing and writing and writing.

01:11:12.000 Then I would do talks to companies.

01:11:14.000 I would speak to kids at schools.

01:11:16.000 All this was part of the writing experience because you can ask me the same question, but we're in this environment.

01:11:22.000 But then if I'm with my family and I answer the same question, it's the same kind of answer but different.

01:11:29.000 So I kept learning more and more.

01:11:32.000 Data and information was stored in my brain and my heart and my spirit, and I had to unearth it and put it down into words, which I found to be the most difficult thing.

01:11:42.000 Because as we speak, like I'm doing now, it's free to speak whatever you want, but to write down the words, oh wait, there's accountability to the words because they're written.

01:11:52.000 And you have more word choice.

01:11:54.000 My brain doesn't operate as fast as I'd like to for my vocabulary.

01:11:58.000 I'd probably drop way too many F-bombs instead of really great words that I do know.

01:12:03.000 So it was nice to be able to take the time and spend the agony to really kind of express Word by word through it, you know, in a very real honest way.

01:12:16.000 It's more like a diary, a recounting diary, than it was trying to be fancy with words and overcomplicate something that's really quite so simple.

01:12:27.000 What was the process like of going over the words and deciding what to keep and what to edit out and how to format everything?

01:12:36.000 What order to talk about things in?

01:12:39.000 The order always was working for me from the beginning.

01:12:42.000 It allowed for flexibility for what would come up in conversations, in the writing.

01:12:47.000 It allowed for fluidity.

01:12:48.000 But there's a beginning, middle, and end to this.

01:12:51.000 We already knew the end.

01:12:52.000 We already knew the beginning.

01:12:54.000 And so it was the branches off of...

01:12:58.000 I didn't know I was going to talk about Lamaze in this book.

01:13:01.000 Didn't know that was a huge...

01:13:06.000 Milestone in my life.

01:13:08.000 That got me to understand what conscious breathing was and mitigate pain.

01:13:12.000 Because there's this whole thing about Lamaze.

01:13:14.000 I was taken at 12 years old.

01:13:16.000 My mom was pregnant with my sister.

01:13:18.000 And she said, put down the cleats, son.

01:13:20.000 You're not going to soccer practice.

01:13:21.000 Just grab a pillow.

01:13:21.000 You're coming with me to the class.

01:13:24.000 I'm like, what class?

01:13:25.000 It was Lamaze class at the YMCA.

01:13:28.000 And my stepdad was out driving a truck or something.

01:13:30.000 And so my mom, she also needed me not to be alone.

01:13:33.000 And she needed, you know, whatever.

01:13:36.000 So she brought me.

01:13:37.000 The oldest.

01:13:38.000 And I laid there with a pillow between her legs and teaching her how to breathe and short breaths. 0.96

01:13:42.000 And then they pulled down a screen.

01:13:43.000 Then they showed this midwife birth at home in a bathtub and squirting out water and this whole thing.

01:13:48.000 Like, what's going on?

01:13:49.000 I'm 12 years old.

01:13:53.000 I'm mortified.

01:13:54.000 I'm like, what happened?

01:13:54.000 Is that a whale breaching?

01:13:55.000 What was going on?

01:13:56.000 You know, and so that came up in just sort of me and my partner talking about it.

01:14:03.000 And he's like, dude, you don't realize that?

01:14:04.000 I'm like, yeah.

01:14:05.000 Well, this is why the book's called My Next Breath.

01:14:06.000 You know, it's all about breathing.

01:14:08.000 And breathing was such an essential part of my recovery, my essential part of my, you know, not dying.

01:14:17.000 And to get through each and every moment.

01:14:20.000 The perspective of breath.

01:14:22.000 And it is not a conscious thought.

01:14:25.000 It is, right?

01:14:26.000 It's just, it's reflexive in our body.

01:14:28.000 And when we make it a consciousness, when we invest into our breath.

01:14:33.000 What you can do with your mind with your breath, right?

01:14:36.000 It opens up.

01:14:37.000 The more you breathe, the more you get oxygen in your body.

01:14:40.000 It's just feeding all of it.

01:14:43.000 It feeds you.

01:14:44.000 It only feeds you.

01:14:45.000 People yawn, and I say the example of like, oh, you're tired.

01:14:49.000 No, you're not tired.

01:14:50.000 It's your body that you know that you need to breathe, get more oxygen in yourself, right?

01:14:54.000 So you're not tired.

01:14:55.000 You just need more O2.

01:14:57.000 That's all.

01:14:57.000 Your body's making that happen.

01:14:58.000 Isn't it fascinating that everybody breathes?

01:15:01.000 So everybody thinks, oh, breathing, what's the big deal?

01:15:04.000 It's like nothing.

01:15:06.000 Have you ever read James Nestor's Breath?

01:15:09.000 It's actually Breathe, I guess.

01:15:11.000 But it's an amazing book on breathing techniques and the history of breathing techniques and all the different things that people have achieved with breathing techniques, including holotropic breathing, which achieves psychedelic states of consciousness and all these different feats of incredible physical endurance that people have achieved through breath work.

01:15:35.000 It's a pretty amazing book.

01:15:37.000 It was a guest of mine on the podcast a few years back.

01:15:39.000 But I read his book and started really getting into it and really trying to practice different breathing exercises.

01:15:49.000 There's a bunch of breathing exercises you can use for anxiety, for overcoming very stressful situations.

01:15:55.000 But when you say that to most people, oh, breathing, they're like, oh, you're one of those guys.

01:16:00.000 You're concentrating on your breathing.

01:16:02.000 What else are you concentrating on?

01:16:03.000 Blinking?

01:16:05.000 You know what I mean?

01:16:06.000 It's like you can minimalize it.

01:16:08.000 You have a reductionist perspective where you don't think it's anything big, especially if you've never practiced it.

01:16:17.000 You know, especially with like yogic breathing, you can achieve some bizarre states of relaxation and consciousness through breathing.

01:16:25.000 Yeah, big time.

01:16:26.000 I always try, whenever I explain it to somebody, I say like when I use it.

01:16:31.000 I don't do it like on a daily basis.

01:16:33.000 I mean, maybe now I do.

01:16:37.000 But I did it for, like you said, for anxiety when I was nervous in an audition.

01:16:43.000 How do I get out of this situation?

01:16:45.000 Like, I'm not in my body.

01:16:46.000 My heart's going like this.

01:16:47.000 I'm like, I'm not.

01:16:48.000 I can't read these lines.

01:16:49.000 And I hear, like, Sean Penn in the room.

01:16:51.000 And I'm supposed to go there and be better than this guy.

01:16:53.000 I'm like, oh, I'm freaking out.

01:16:54.000 I'm sweating.

01:16:55.000 So I said, screw this.

01:16:57.000 I leave the room.

01:16:58.000 I go out of the building.

01:16:59.000 I go out into the street, like on Sunset Boulevard somewhere. 0.99

01:17:02.000 Find a tree that's rooted in this damn earth. 0.99

01:17:05.000 It might look ridiculous. 1.00

01:17:06.000 I don't care. 0.99

01:17:06.000 But the courage to go down on your knees, go... 0.99

01:17:09.000 By the route, be in this earth.

01:17:11.000 It just takes 10 deep breaths as cars are honking and da-da on Sunset Boulevard. 0.99

01:17:17.000 I don't give a shit. 0.99

01:17:18.000 I'm back in my body. 0.98

01:17:20.000 I'm back on this earth.

01:17:21.000 Here I am. 1.00

01:17:22.000 Let's fucking go. 0.99

01:17:24.000 I went back up in that room and I smashed that audition. 0.99

01:17:26.000 I don't remember if I got the role in that, but it doesn't matter.

01:17:29.000 I was back in my body.

01:17:30.000 I was back on earth, right?

01:17:32.000 It wasn't like in the state of hysteria or nervousness or that, you know, because I don't like that feeling.

01:17:37.000 So I found a way to overcome that feeling.

01:17:40.000 Some people might just live in that feeling all the time.

01:17:42.000 They might like it.

01:17:43.000 I don't know.

01:17:43.000 I don't think they like it.

01:17:45.000 I don't think anybody likes it.

01:17:46.000 I think the problem is you just get trapped in that feeling and then the moment something comes up that's very difficult Yeah, that causes you to spiral again.

01:17:55.000 You just you lose control.

01:17:57.000 Yeah, terrible.

01:17:58.000 I think it's one of the most difficult things about this whole audition process that actors go through is that there's this That's a golden carrot that's at the end of the stick. 0.99

01:18:14.000 And if you do a good job, you might be a fucking movie star. 0.98

01:18:18.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:18:19.000 Which seems impossible, right?

01:18:21.000 Right.

01:18:21.000 I mean, it must have seemed impossible before you pulled it off, right?

01:18:24.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:18:25.000 It was never like something I was ever aiming for, really.

01:18:28.000 What were you aiming for?

01:18:31.000 Truth.

01:18:32.000 In everything I was doing.

01:18:33.000 Truth?

01:18:34.000 Yeah, honesty.

01:18:35.000 How did you...

01:18:36.000 Because if I don't believe it, then how do I expect someone watching me to believe it?

01:18:40.000 I have to ensure that everything I'm doing is truthful and honest and courageous and bold and all the things.

01:18:47.000 So it was never to try to be a movie star.

01:18:49.000 I just wanted to work.

01:18:51.000 I never wanted to be famous.

01:18:52.000 How did you acquire that perspective?

01:18:54.000 Oh, I don't know.

01:18:56.000 I was clear about what I wanted.

01:18:58.000 Very clear about what I wanted.

01:18:59.000 I didn't move down to L.A. to be...

01:19:01.000 Famous.

01:19:01.000 I moved to L.A. to be in a movie, be in a movie that was big enough that I would play in Modesto, California, where I'm from, because you don't get all the movies there, right?

01:19:09.000 And being a part in that movie that I wouldn't have to tell my family, you know, I'm the guy in the red shirt waving in the background.

01:19:16.000 It's a part big enough that you would just know I'm in the movie.

01:19:18.000 And I got that, all those goals, in the first job I ever did on camera.

01:19:24.000 In this National Lampoon senior trip movie.

01:19:26.000 So then I had to recalibrate now new goals.

01:19:29.000 So I'll get myself...

01:19:30.000 And I was working enough.

01:19:32.000 So I never...

01:19:33.000 My goals were always to...

01:19:37.000 By the time I got Dahmer and Hurt Locker and all these kind of stuff, I was ready for that stuff.

01:19:43.000 But I was like 38 by that time.

01:19:44.000 I was like the new guy in town at 38. Right.

01:19:46.000 Isn't that crazy?

01:19:47.000 Yeah, I was just ready. 0.99

01:19:49.000 Hurt Locker is fucking amazing. 0.96

01:19:53.000 It's one of the most complex movies about a very bizarre psychological state. 0.98

01:20:01.000 That people acquire or that people fall into when it comes to war.

01:20:08.000 Yeah.

01:20:09.000 What was it like getting into that mindset?

01:20:12.000 It was interesting.

01:20:13.000 I got to spend, you know, I was at Fort Irwin for about a year learning how to build bombs and render them safe.

01:20:21.000 For a year?

01:20:22.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:20:23.000 Got to spend time with the guys and gals off campus, off base.

01:20:31.000 Interesting.

01:20:31.000 I love the whole experience, you know.

01:20:33.000 And then got to go shoot the movie, and that was on the Iraqi border in Jordan during the war.

01:20:39.000 And it's 135 degrees in a 100-pound bomb suit, you know.

01:20:44.000 It's not even hot anymore.

01:20:46.000 It's just sort of like you let that go.

01:20:49.000 You just are.

01:20:51.000 It's kind of a spiritual sort of place you have to go in that kind of heat.

01:20:56.000 And also you're drinking enough water.

01:20:57.000 Like, you know, how am I drinking all this water?

01:20:59.000 You're not even taking a leak and like, oh, I'm so dehydrated.

01:21:02.000 I got to be careful.

01:21:03.000 And that's, you know, yeah, pretty interesting.

01:21:07.000 Pretty interesting experience, you know.

01:21:10.000 What were the conversations like when you were talking to the people that actually did that?

01:21:15.000 Well, most of them look like, you know, Schoolteachers.

01:21:21.000 There's like one or two guys that one guy was like, kind of built like huge, big guy, brown guy.

01:21:26.000 The rest of them were like, you know, the guy I know did three tours.

01:21:29.000 He looks like he's totally out of shape.

01:21:31.000 His stomach is way bigger than his chest.

01:21:33.000 He's just kind of doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.

01:21:35.000 This guy did three tours.

01:21:36.000 This guy's no joke. 0.70

01:21:37.000 It's all mental.

01:21:38.000 It's all such a mental game because you have to be cool in those high intense situations because you're dealing with 155 explosives that'll blow this building off the block.

01:21:50.000 And the level of intensity is really interesting.

01:21:57.000 They were so comfortable around C4 and all these things.

01:22:02.000 You've got to be careful.

01:22:02.000 These blasting caps and all these things that people were getting injured all the time.

01:22:05.000 They got really uncomfortable when I took them to a bar in LA.

01:22:10.000 Why?

01:22:10.000 We were sitting at the bar and I asked.

01:22:11.000 I'm like, what's going on?

01:22:12.000 It was the big guy.

01:22:14.000 I can't remember his name.

01:22:15.000 He's like, I don't like where we're sitting.

01:22:16.000 What do you mean?

01:22:17.000 He's like, I need my back to the wall.

01:22:19.000 I need to know where the exit's at.

01:22:21.000 I'm like, interesting.

01:22:23.000 I sit like that as well.

01:22:25.000 I don't like to have...

01:22:26.000 I don't think it's a trust issue.

01:22:28.000 I just like to kind of...

01:22:28.000 I'd have my back to somewhere I know where the exit is, where the bathroom is.

01:22:32.000 I look for the most dangerous man in the room, the hottest girl in the room. 0.63

01:22:35.000 Just do like a Terminator checklist.

01:22:39.000 And that was supported by how these guys thought.

01:22:42.000 And it's that same kind of thing.

01:22:44.000 They just noticed everything.

01:22:45.000 Just data.

01:22:46.000 Okay, now I can go be here.

01:22:48.000 I assess the room.

01:22:49.000 Right.

01:22:49.000 And I feel safe.

01:22:50.000 Situational awareness.

01:22:51.000 Yeah, situational awareness.

01:22:52.000 I always had that, but, like, really doing that role and spending so much time with these crew of amazing people just heightened that for me.

01:23:02.000 I've always been a quiet and observer, and this is where I just got information.

01:23:04.000 I can tell you the color of the hinges if they match the finish on the doorknobs in places.

01:23:10.000 It's just how my brain works.

01:23:12.000 Always.

01:23:13.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:23:14.000 Well, it's awesome.

01:23:14.000 I'm a home builder and designer, so I kind of pay attention to that kind of stuff anyway.

01:23:19.000 But it sort of just kind of helps me out in life, I guess.

01:23:23.000 And so when you were preparing for Hurt Locker, was it your decision to spend a year doing this?

01:23:28.000 Well, no, it wasn't about the amount of time.

01:23:31.000 I think I was maybe to go for maybe a few months.

01:23:34.000 Catherine Bigelow, the director, just sort of introduced me and said, all right, they're ready for you out at the base if you want to go.

01:23:40.000 So I kind of went out and just kind of did it all on my own and just waiting for the movie to kind of get up and get green and go.

01:23:46.000 It just took a little bit longer.

01:23:47.000 I think we're waiting for one of the actors that was doing another job to finish and then we could start.

01:23:52.000 And then it wasn't an easy independent film to kind of get up and get rolling.

01:23:57.000 But once we did, we were rocking.

01:23:59.000 But yeah, it didn't meant to be like a year, year and a half.

01:24:02.000 She just called me and she's like, are you ready to go?

01:24:04.000 I'm like, yeah, like I'm getting deployed.

01:24:06.000 I'm like, yeah, let's go.

01:24:07.000 I'm ready.

01:24:08.000 And then I also – like we didn't even have a – like an EOD sort of tech on the shoot.

01:24:14.000 I had to be the person that – and I had to call back.

01:24:17.000 I'm like, I don't know.

01:24:18.000 This doesn't look right.

01:24:19.000 They set up these 155s and it's electrical and it should be debt cord and all these things that I learned.

01:24:25.000 But I wasn't an expert by any means.

01:24:27.000 I just wanted to make it look authentic in the movie. 0.99

01:24:29.000 So I had to call back and call me back and we took a picture of this shit. 0.99

01:24:32.000 I don't think it's right. 0.99

01:24:33.000 Oh, wow.

01:24:34.000 And yeah, so.

01:24:36.000 Well, that's fortunate that you had so much experience.

01:24:38.000 Yeah, it was great.

01:24:39.000 Because if there's anything in that movie, especially for people that actually did that, that takes you out of it.

01:24:46.000 Yeah.

01:24:48.000 And I wouldn't want to do that because we wanted to be very authentic to what we were doing.

01:24:52.000 We are still making a movie, but let's live in this world.

01:24:55.000 And look, the narrative is the characters that live in this bizarre world in a very relevant time, in this war that we're in, and also the struggles of, you know, soldier and civilian life. 0.96

01:25:08.000 And because they were civilians and now they became soldiers, they'd be put in prison for life for doing the shit they're getting paid to do now.

01:25:15.000 And that was a wonderful sort of outcome of the movie of how it bridged that sort of gap or the struggles with PTSD and coming back from this harrowing sort of existence and war. 0.92

01:25:28.000 And then coming back in like the cereal aisle.

01:25:31.000 That example of like, oh, really?

01:25:34.000 Or in the rain and you appreciate the sun.

01:25:36.000 It's just such a polar opposite.

01:25:38.000 This is my existence.

01:25:40.000 It became such a really wonderful starting point for wives to deal with their husbands that came back. 0.97

01:25:49.000 They can kind of understand a little bit of what they might have gone through just in general.

01:25:54.000 The broad strokes of how hard it is.

01:25:58.000 And then to come back and change diapers.

01:26:01.000 You know what I mean?

01:26:03.000 That became such a powerful thing in that narrative that I found after we did it and we're showing it to all the military bases.

01:26:12.000 It's always going to be a special experience in my life and I'll always be connected to a lot of soldiers because of that.

01:26:18.000 Well, it was a really well done movie.

01:26:22.000 There was a thing about that movie that made you think in a way, or made me think in a way that I don't think I ever thought before.

01:26:31.000 Like, oh, I never considered what this transition to civilian life is like after dealing with the unbelievable stress of being in a war zone, defusing bombs.

01:26:45.000 And then wanting to go back.

01:26:47.000 Yeah.

01:26:48.000 But it made you understand. 1.00

01:26:49.000 It made you understand, like, oh, fuck, he wants to go back. 1.00

01:26:53.000 Like, oh, my God. 1.00

01:26:54.000 Like, watching the movie.

01:26:56.000 When a movie can do that to you, it can take you into that psychology of the person that would be in that state and make it make sense.

01:27:05.000 Like, that was a great movie.

01:27:07.000 Yeah.

01:27:07.000 I'm just happy to be part of it.

01:27:08.000 It was more than just, you know, it wasn't just a story.

01:27:11.000 It was like you're documenting a very real condition.

01:27:14.000 Yeah.

01:27:14.000 That through art, you put words to these people's existence where they don't have anybody representing that.

01:27:24.000 Yeah.

01:27:26.000 That's why it means a lot to me.

01:27:28.000 They let me know it means a lot to them.

01:27:30.000 That's the most special thing. 0.99

01:27:31.000 Fuck the movie part of it. 0.99

01:27:33.000 It's created a dialogue for a lot of broken families and united families better. 0.99

01:27:40.000 Like you said, it's a greater understanding of that difference of soldier-civilian life.

01:27:44.000 It's a great bridge for it.

01:27:45.000 Yeah, I remember.

01:27:46.000 I'm very proud of that.

01:27:47.000 I saw it, and then I went back to the comedy store, and I said, oh, man, we saw Hurt Locker last night.

01:27:54.000 And my friend went, dude.

01:27:56.000 And I went, dude.

01:27:57.000 And that was all we had to say. 1.00

01:27:59.000 Like, fuck, man. 1.00

01:28:00.000 It was that kind of movie that's just like, oh, my God. 1.00

01:28:05.000 It just gives you anxiety.

01:28:07.000 And it also just makes you really reflect and think about what war.

01:28:15.000 Yeah, it's interesting.

01:28:39.000 How do you decide what roles to pick?

01:28:44.000 When you're at this sort of stage in your life where you're so well-known, people come to you with things, and you have to decide whether or not this project is something that resonates with you.

01:28:56.000 Well, now it's different.

01:28:58.000 The central part of my life for so long was my career.

01:29:04.000 And then my daughter came around, and then she's number one.

01:29:07.000 So then I would do the job that would...

01:29:12.000 Allow me still to be a father because I'm not going to not be a father because my job takes me away for long periods of time and I'm just not doing that in far places.

01:29:21.000 So I'm not working out of the country anymore once my daughter was born.

01:29:26.000 So I always had reach and access to my daughter as fast as I needed to be.

01:29:30.000 And then now, after the incident, it's even tightened up more and loosened up more because my daughter is now 12 and she doesn't need me.

01:29:39.000 As much, she wants her friends a little bit more.

01:29:41.000 Right, right, right.

01:29:42.000 That's a little bit lower than the totem pole.

01:29:44.000 Just temporarily, I know.

01:29:46.000 And also, I can travel.

01:29:48.000 Like, I just worked last summer on a job.

01:29:51.000 There's a movie called Knives Out.

01:29:54.000 And then I brought my whole family with me.

01:29:56.000 Knives Out was great.

01:29:57.000 Yeah, it's awesome.

01:29:58.000 Yeah, so this is going to be a really good one, too.

01:29:59.000 But I was able to bring my entire family out.

01:30:01.000 Like, 15 people came out, because a lot of them not well-traveled, and I got to see a lot of Europe.

01:30:05.000 I took my mom and my daughter to the Olympics in Paris.

01:30:08.000 Dope.

01:30:09.000 Got to spend a couple weeks in Italy.

01:30:12.000 Oh, that's cool.

01:30:12.000 Yeah, so we can do that kind of stuff now.

01:30:14.000 So I did the job essentially just to have a summer vacation with my family.

01:30:18.000 Oh, nice.

01:30:18.000 So that's kind of how I decide.

01:30:21.000 And also, I did love the character.

01:30:23.000 I did love – I mean, come on.

01:30:24.000 All that has to line in there too.

01:30:25.000 I'm not just going to do a job for a job.

01:30:27.000 But it just lined up.

01:30:28.000 But my family has to be involved.

01:30:30.000 My daughter has to be involved.

01:30:33.000 Friends have to be involved.

01:30:34.000 Otherwise, I'm not going to remove myself from all those shared experiences with people in my life just so I can go do a movie.

01:30:40.000 I don't want to do any movie that bad.

01:30:43.000 So that's my limitation.

01:30:46.000 Well, that limitation is real success too.

01:30:48.000 Do you really choose things that you're actually passionate about that fit within these parameters and allow you to live your life the way you want to?

01:30:55.000 Yeah.

01:30:56.000 And work with people that inspire me and think, you know, I'm just not going to do a job like you can't pay me.

01:31:01.000 Maybe you could put a trillion dollars in front of me.

01:31:03.000 Go do this.

01:31:03.000 You only need you for two weeks.

01:31:04.000 I'm like, eh, it doesn't fit.

01:31:06.000 It doesn't check all the boxes that have real value.

01:31:08.000 Right.

01:31:08.000 The shared experience, the joy with my daughter, my family, my friends.

01:31:12.000 And, you know, then it's just not worth it to me.

01:31:18.000 To do a job.

01:31:19.000 I don't.

01:31:20.000 Right.

01:31:21.000 You do it because you want to.

01:31:22.000 Yeah.

01:31:23.000 And that's, to me, what retirement is.

01:31:26.000 I'm doing what I want to do with who I want to do it with.

01:31:29.000 And I'm still always going to be busy and work all my life.

01:31:31.000 I'll do that.

01:31:32.000 Yeah.

01:31:32.000 Let's not retire.

01:31:33.000 Yeah.

01:31:34.000 It's just a better life.

01:31:36.000 Well, it is in my mind.

01:31:37.000 I'm a busy guy and I like to contribute.

01:31:40.000 I'm very busy doing the Renovation Foundation, right?

01:31:43.000 Which is a huge...

01:31:44.000 Big central part of my life with my family that runs this charitable foundation in my community in Lake Tahoe for foster youth and disadvantaged youth and giving them opportunities that they don't have these poor kids.

01:31:56.000 And that's great.

01:31:57.000 And I love that.

01:31:58.000 I love I get – but is that retirement?

01:32:00.000 It's going to keep me busy until I die.

01:32:03.000 It's weird that you have to frame things like career or retirement.

01:32:07.000 It's really just life, life and passions.

01:32:11.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:32:12.000 But I don't think a lot of people are doing what they want to do in their life anyway.

01:32:16.000 But yeah, I'll always work, always do the things I love to do and I'm still continuing to do the things I love to do just on my own terms.

01:32:25.000 I wouldn't be able to start this foundation if I wasn't living life on my own terms.

01:32:29.000 I am satiated beyond satiated.

01:32:32.000 I don't need anything.

01:32:34.000 I require a shared experience on this earth and that is it.

01:32:38.000 Is this more so now since the accident?

01:32:41.000 Well, it's always been that.

01:32:42.000 But there's a lot of things in the way or things I allowed to be in the way or things I put in the way.

01:32:47.000 Allowed to be in the way.

01:32:48.000 Yeah, I allowed to be in the way.

01:32:49.000 And now I do not.

01:32:51.000 I refute it.

01:32:52.000 I push it away. 0.99

01:32:53.000 I am certainly clear when I put obstacles on my own way, when I get my own way, we all do that shit too. 0.98

01:32:59.000 But so I'm just very, very, very clear. 0.95

01:33:02.000 And I keep – I oversimplify life because life is just that simple.

01:33:07.000 If we complicate it, then you're going to have an overcomplicated life and it's just not as valuable, I think.

01:33:13.000 I live both.

01:33:14.000 And the wonderful oversimplification has allowed me to, again, use the word retirement in my mind.

01:33:21.000 I'm just living a life that I want to live, that I deserve to live, that I choose to live, and not be limited or rabbit-holed or victimized by...

01:33:31.000 Society or the country I'm living in or the neighborhood I'm living in or the job I have.

01:33:37.000 I don't have any limitations because I'm making manifest everything that I have in my life.

01:33:45.000 And it feels great.

01:33:47.000 I'm the captain of the ship. 0.99

01:33:48.000 It might take a minute to turn this bitch around, right? 1.00

01:33:51.000 But I'm the captain of this damn ship. 1.00

01:33:53.000 It's called my life. 0.99

01:33:54.000 And I think everybody has the capacity to do so.

01:33:56.000 Well, that's another beautiful thing of living life by example that can inspire people.

01:34:00.000 Because that's really what people want to do.

01:34:02.000 They want to live a life where they feel like, this is great.

01:34:05.000 Like, what I'm doing is what I want to do.

01:34:07.000 They don't...

01:34:08.000 Most people, they don't live like that.

01:34:11.000 Most people...

01:34:12.000 They have this dream in the future, one day I will be able to live the way I want to, but I'm not doing it right now.

01:34:19.000 Right, right.

01:34:20.000 I think that's a trap, personally.

01:34:23.000 I think you're doing it already.

01:34:24.000 The journey is there.

01:34:25.000 There's no end result.

01:34:26.000 I know, but there's so many narratives that people adhere to.

01:34:30.000 There's so many narratives out there in culture.

01:34:33.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:34:33.000 Where they tell you, you should be doing this, and you should be doing that.

01:34:37.000 This is a concentrate on your 401k, and you're this and that.

01:34:42.000 What are your investments?

01:34:45.000 Yeah.

01:34:48.000 And at the end of the night, you need a pill to go to sleep.

01:34:51.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:34:53.000 It's even crazier now with social media and all that.

01:34:56.000 That's poison. 1.00

01:34:57.000 That's this white noise of garbage, man. 1.00

01:34:59.000 I've been off it lately for the last few weeks where I literally just check it when I'm taking a shit and that's it. 0.99

01:35:07.000 I look to see if there's anything crazy going on in the world just so I know what's happening.

01:35:12.000 But I don't ever get involved.

01:35:15.000 I don't ever... 0.93

01:35:17.000 Argue with people or post things and I just see people doing it and I'm like, you're losing your fucking mind and I've had conversations with friends and they're like, you know, you know what fucking this and that and that and this. 0.95

01:35:28.000 I'm like, why? 0.99

01:35:29.000 Why are you paying attention?

01:35:30.000 This is like, let's go outside.

01:35:32.000 Look, look at all the birds.

01:35:33.000 Yeah.

01:35:33.000 Look, it's beautiful.

01:35:34.000 Look at the clouds.

01:35:34.000 What a lovely day.

01:35:36.000 You're alive in America in 2025. 0.98

01:35:39.000 It's like a magical time to be alive and you're concentrating on some shit that literally has no effect on your life. 0.93

01:35:47.000 You're making it your primary focus. 0.99

01:35:49.000 That is the definition of madness.

01:35:52.000 Yeah, it really is.

01:35:53.000 Yeah, you're freaking out about things that aren't even here.

01:35:55.000 Yeah, well, that's where you get in your way.

01:35:57.000 You're giving that value.

01:35:58.000 You don't have to, you know?

01:35:59.000 Yeah.

01:36:01.000 But, you know, it's just like...

01:36:02.000 Perspective is a very difficult thing to earn.

01:36:06.000 It is, right?

01:36:07.000 How do we get it?

01:36:09.000 Experience?

01:36:10.000 Experience, overcoming adversity, developing character, shared experience.

01:36:16.000 That's a big part of it.

01:36:18.000 With people that you love and you really connect with.

01:36:22.000 Who you surround yourself with.

01:36:24.000 That's most of the key to life.

01:36:29.000 If you surround yourself with really great people, you're forced to become a really great person.

01:36:35.000 It's like you have to keep up with it.

01:36:37.000 This foundation, tell me how you started that.

01:36:40.000 It initially started with a show that I produced and put on Disney +, which is called Renovations.

01:36:48.000 I didn't like to see a lot of vehicles go to waste, like purpose-built vehicles, like a city bus or a fire truck and all these things.

01:36:56.000 Supposed to go long, long, long ways, but they just replace them even though they're perfectly good vehicles.

01:37:01.000 So I wanted to repurpose those and help them, help communities in need.

01:37:07.000 So it's taking, I built one to be a box truck to be a water treatment plant to give kids in villages with terrible water and be able to reverse osmosis their water and give them drinkable water at their school.

01:37:21.000 Or take a, there's a...

01:37:24.000 We took a city bus and turned it into a dance studio, a mobile dance studio for these kids in Mexico.

01:37:30.000 Just these creative sort of things.

01:37:32.000 It's kind of like Pit My Ride, but with real valuable things.

01:37:35.000 Just take these really cool purpose-built trucks and make it something really spectacular for these kids.

01:37:40.000 It's all kids-driven to give them what their needs are.

01:37:45.000 And then it just went into, I didn't want to make it about just vehicles.

01:37:49.000 When I wanted to start the foundation, it became a wonderful calling card.

01:37:52.000 And then I started the foundation, and my sister works for DCFS, which was Child Protective Services in Los Angeles County.

01:37:58.000 And one of my best girlfriends in Reno, she also works for CPS, Child Protective Services, there. 0.99

01:38:03.000 So I've been working with foster youth for many, many, many years privately.

01:38:08.000 And now I just wanted to really get invested into the community.

01:38:12.000 So I started small in northern, greater northern Nevada.

01:38:16.000 And my sister now is running it, and Shayna is running it as well with me, and the whole family has now gotten involved.

01:38:22.000 And it's been really wonderful to come back from the incident, have this be a central goal for us to celebrate our time together as a family and to give back to these kids that are in great need.

01:38:38.000 And it has been a dream of mine that I've been wanting to do for a long time and now do it publicly.

01:38:43.000 I've been doing it privately for a long time.

01:38:46.000 And to really make a big splash and make a lot of movement for these kids.

01:38:51.000 And I think it's one of the reasons why I was brought back outside of all the other things.

01:38:56.000 But I think there's something working in my favor to come back outside my family.

01:39:03.000 And I think it is my reach to kids and my ability to...

01:39:07.000 Have a great effect for them.

01:39:08.000 And it's been a couple years now and it's already been moved the mountains for kids already and will continue to do so.

01:39:15.000 This is like me breathing.

01:39:16.000 This is easy.

01:39:17.000 I love this.

01:39:18.000 This is a part of my fiber, my body.

01:39:20.000 I'm the oldest of seven in my family.

01:39:23.000 I've been changing diapers and living as the oldest.

01:39:26.000 It's sort of my birthright to be able to do.

01:39:27.000 What makes it even cooler is that I'm a Marvel superhero.

01:39:30.000 So I have like a reach and access to these kids that they didn't even listen to.

01:39:34.000 They're like, oh cool, let's go to camp with Hawkeye.

01:39:36.000 This is dope.

01:39:37.000 And they all show up with plastic sacks, right?

01:39:40.000 And this is like all their valuables in their life.

01:39:42.000 And it makes me weep, right?

01:39:44.000 And this is all they're worth.

01:39:45.000 And they show up with hefty bags.

01:39:46.000 All of them.

01:39:48.000 So we give them rollers with their names on it and a passport. 1.00

01:39:51.000 It's just like a journal and they can...

01:39:52.000 I'm going to change the narrative of this.

01:39:54.000 You're a traveler now. 0.57

01:39:56.000 You're a world traveler. 0.97

01:39:57.000 You're not carrying your trash around for all your worth in it.

01:40:01.000 Your worth is much bigger than that.

01:40:03.000 We're going to just planting seeds like that in their head and then creating community for them, creating opportunities for them, safe places for them, giving them more educated stuff.

01:40:13.000 We brought in a recording studio bus for them to touch all these instruments that they'd never have access to.

01:40:19.000 Who knows what that does?

01:40:20.000 I don't care.

01:40:21.000 Let it have access to things.

01:40:23.000 Give these kids opportunities that they deserve. 1.00

01:40:26.000 This is the future of our fucking planet. 0.99

01:40:28.000 Why aren't we giving more time and effort to that? 0.99

01:40:30.000 It's the future of our world, man.

01:40:33.000 Let's give them all the tools. 0.99

01:40:35.000 We need another Elon.

01:40:36.000 We need other super smart, amazing people, man.

01:40:39.000 We need that.

01:40:40.000 We need other leaders.

01:40:42.000 What do we give in our youth?

01:40:43.000 Especially our foster youth, man.

01:40:45.000 It's not a good look.

01:40:47.000 They've gone through a lot of struggles, these kids, man.

01:40:49.000 And they're not going to struggle, not on my dime, not on my time.

01:40:53.000 That's amazing.

01:40:54.000 So it's an easy thing for me to do.

01:40:56.000 I love, it's a great focus for me that's outside of, it's things I enjoy, right?

01:41:04.000 I still do things that I enjoy.

01:41:05.000 I just get to do it with these kids and have, they teach me so much.

01:41:09.000 I learn so much to keep me in a really youthful spirit.

01:41:15.000 It's harrowing to hear what they've been through, Joe.

01:41:19.000 I don't like to know.

01:41:20.000 My sister knows all about it.

01:41:21.000 Shana knows all about it because they get the phone calls.

01:41:24.000 They have relationships with a lot of these kids.

01:41:26.000 They know, dude, I mean, you'd probably react like I would.

01:41:31.000 You want to flip a table.

01:41:32.000 You want to hurt some people.

01:41:34.000 So I'd prefer not to know how they got touched and who did it and this kind of stuff.

01:41:39.000 I just choose to focus on let's give these kids a...

01:41:42.000 Plant some seeds of hope. 1.00

01:41:43.000 And I'm good at that shit. 1.00

01:41:45.000 That's awesome. 1.00

01:41:46.000 And I love it.

01:41:46.000 So we're on jet skiing.

01:41:48.000 They've never even been to this lake.

01:41:49.000 So whatever the heck it is, new experiences, new joy, new friends. 0.97

01:41:53.000 They're all crying at the end of this camp because they had such a good damn time. 0.87

01:41:58.000 One of them was getting adopted and she was crying because, like, I can't come back because I'm not a foster kid anymore. 0.95

01:42:02.000 I got adopted.

01:42:03.000 They're like, no, you can come back!

01:42:05.000 You know, you did good then when she didn't want to get adopted.

01:42:08.000 Like, ah, it means we're doing something right for these kids.

01:42:11.000 And we're going to continue doing it.

01:42:12.000 And we're doing it not only just as a camp, but we're doing, like, lots of programs throughout the year to keep the community of the foster youth community together.

01:42:20.000 A lot of these kids are brothers and sisters that never get to see each other because they're in separate homes, separate cities.

01:42:25.000 One's in Vegas, one's in Reno, right?

01:42:28.000 Dude, you can't do that.

01:42:29.000 You can't do that.

01:42:30.000 So we're doing our best to...

01:42:32.000 Unite community, right?

01:42:34.000 We need each other.

01:42:35.000 These kids need each other.

01:42:37.000 Even beyond, they don't need me.

01:42:39.000 They need access and reasons to be together.

01:42:42.000 So it's helping the foster parents.

01:42:44.000 It's helping the kids.

01:42:45.000 It's whatever we can do.

01:42:46.000 We're going to start building youth centers as well.

01:42:49.000 We'll be building homes as well in the future with the foundation.

01:42:52.000 But we're starting step by step, breath at a time, brick by brick, and building camps and activities and education for them.

01:43:03.000 I love it.

01:43:04.000 You can see how much I love it.

01:43:05.000 I could talk about this for days, man.

01:43:07.000 You lit up when you're talking about it.

01:43:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:43:10.000 I love it, man.

01:43:11.000 We had these camps coming up here in June and July, so I'm pumped.

01:43:15.000 Can't wait to finish this job and go back home.

01:43:19.000 That's incredible.

01:43:20.000 It's kind of shocking that it takes individuals to be inspired to do something like this because society doesn't put...

01:43:28.000 Any emphasis on this?

01:43:30.000 Well, it's like, look, states have foster programs, right?

01:43:34.000 But there's gaps in the system, man.

01:43:37.000 It's like kids are forgotten.

01:43:39.000 And then some are, you know, it's tragic.

01:43:44.000 But put a spotlight on something, put energy into something, it builds.

01:43:50.000 And I got a loud voice and a big heart.

01:43:53.000 And I'm very actionable in what I do, and that's why the foundation's growing and making the moves and paving ways for these kids.

01:44:04.000 So I'll keep doing it, man.

01:44:06.000 It's easy.

01:44:07.000 How long have you been doing this now?

01:44:10.000 Publicly, only a couple years.

01:44:12.000 It just started out.

01:44:14.000 So, you know, then it's like learning about, oh, the nonprofit stuff.

01:44:18.000 It's like, oh, man, it's like going out and asking for money.

01:44:20.000 So I don't do that.

01:44:20.000 I'll go do, like, voiceover jobs and, like, put money in the account for – I hate asking for money for foundation stuff, you know.

01:44:28.000 I'll let somebody else kind of bother that.

01:44:30.000 I do – I stay in my lane.

01:44:32.000 I work with the kids and work with the ideas and the programs and my sister and those guys in the – And the board deal with, like, you're having to raise money and all those kind of things.

01:44:42.000 It's just not my wheelhouse.

01:44:43.000 Well, unfortunately, when people hear non-profit, they always think, okay, well, where's the money really going?

01:44:48.000 Well, that's where it is.

01:44:48.000 And that's why we operate at 8%, I think.

01:44:51.000 Oh, that's great.

01:44:52.000 Yeah, nobody does that.

01:44:53.000 That's incredible.

01:44:53.000 That's the opposite of how they're usually done.

01:44:55.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:44:56.000 Yeah.

01:44:56.000 So, I mean, even if we got to, because no one takes anything except just basic operating costs.

01:45:02.000 And if we're operating at 8%, I think maybe 13%, it's like all the money is going to the kids, man.

01:45:07.000 That's incredible.

01:45:08.000 All of it.

01:45:09.000 All of it.

01:45:10.000 So I'm trying to get the bank account to be full so we only operate off the interest.

01:45:17.000 Once we're there, then we can really start to move needle for building things and doing some stuff in the future.

01:45:24.000 So I'm excited for that.

01:45:25.000 Are you going to expand this?

01:45:27.000 Yeah, it'll grow.

01:45:28.000 It'll grow.

01:45:29.000 Again, I think to keep effective for me.

01:45:36.000 I'm very, very hands-on.

01:45:41.000 And it's important for me to be the voice for the foundation and for these kids and an advocate for them.

01:45:48.000 And so Nevada is kind of the goal for maybe the next five years for sure.

01:45:55.000 And there's still a ton of kids that I have not reached and need to reach.

01:45:59.000 So I focus on that.

01:46:02.000 That's amazing.

01:46:04.000 Then there's getting these youths that age out.

01:46:08.000 They're getting back into being counselors back in the camp.

01:46:12.000 There's a great thing with UNR.

01:46:13.000 They get a free ride at the university.

01:46:18.000 And a lot of them are going back into sociology and psychology and want to go help kids and foster.

01:46:23.000 Like, this is so great.

01:46:24.000 So I want to give them opportunities to come back and help the youth.

01:46:28.000 And maybe give them guidance.

01:46:29.000 God, this is awesome.

01:46:31.000 Self-healing and cathartic in its own way.

01:46:33.000 Whatever we can do, man.

01:46:35.000 It's a wonderful, wonderful life.

01:46:40.000 It's amazing because you light up when you talk about that like nothing else we've talked about.

01:46:45.000 Yeah, yeah, man. 1.00

01:46:46.000 Yeah, it's shit, yeah. 1.00

01:46:48.000 It's everything. 1.00

01:46:50.000 Again, I'm focusing my energy on all the positive stuff, you know, because I'm too sensitive to deal with the hardships that they go through.

01:47:00.000 So let me just be a guiding light for them or someone to laugh on.

01:47:07.000 They have to sign my t-shirts, whatever they want to do.

01:47:09.000 I don't care.

01:47:10.000 I'm their playground.

01:47:12.000 I love it, man.

01:47:14.000 Again, I think it's the reason why I came back, Joe.

01:47:18.000 That's incredible.

01:47:19.000 Yeah.

01:47:19.000 You could see that it means so much to you.

01:47:22.000 Yeah.

01:47:22.000 And that's just, if you could find something like that in life, you're a winner.

01:47:26.000 Yeah.

01:47:27.000 Yeah.

01:47:28.000 I mean, just think of the amount of positive energy you put out there in the world.

01:47:32.000 Yeah, it's pretty exponential, too.

01:47:35.000 And then also how it cascades.

01:47:37.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:47:38.000 The ripple effect of that is insane.

01:47:40.000 It changed their life.

01:47:41.000 They'll change other people's lives.

01:47:42.000 Yeah.

01:47:43.000 And then it comes back.

01:47:44.000 It's pretty what you put out in the world is what you give back, you know?

01:47:48.000 Yeah.

01:47:49.000 I see it every day, and it's exponential, especially now since the incident.

01:47:54.000 The ripple effect of just...

01:47:56.000 Dude, this happened in my driveway.

01:47:58.000 It was a private experience.

01:48:00.000 I woke up, and it was a global thing.

01:48:03.000 I didn't ask for that.

01:48:04.000 I'm so kind of glad it did.

01:48:06.000 It allowed people to see me as the man I am and not the guy that slings an arrow.

01:48:11.000 Right.

01:48:12.000 You know what I mean?

01:48:14.000 It's a fake arrow because it's CGI.

01:48:16.000 Right.

01:48:18.000 You know, so I'm glad it became a big public thing.

01:48:21.000 But, you know, the ripple effect of just this narrative of the recovery is...

01:48:27.000 Like you said, it can affect a lot of people, and it's a beautiful thing.

01:48:30.000 It's a positive thing, like the foundation.

01:48:33.000 And I see it and feel it every day.

01:48:35.000 You really lead an exemplary life, my friend.

01:48:38.000 You really do.

01:48:39.000 Well, what's the alternative?

01:48:42.000 I know, but I mean, it's interesting that you have this perspective.

01:48:45.000 I'm always curious to people that have such an amazing perspective.

01:48:49.000 How did you gain it?

01:48:51.000 How did you get to this place?

01:48:54.000 Yeah, well, I mean, you have to...

01:48:56.000 I think you have the life in review, right?

01:49:00.000 Yeah.

01:49:00.000 You know, the life in review.

01:49:02.000 I think there's, I think, you know, there's birth order, right?

01:49:05.000 There's also being in the 70s in a small town where I was a latchkey kid, right?

01:49:11.000 I had a free reign.

01:49:13.000 I was seven years old and a key to the house.

01:49:16.000 I didn't have to come home until the streetlights came on.

01:49:18.000 Right, me too.

01:49:19.000 I made mistakes. 0.97

01:49:21.000 I broke windows and slingshots and stole shit and lighted up the cigarette butt and my mom's and all this stuff and I got caught and sometimes I learned and I reprimand myself. 0.96

01:49:31.000 I self-policed myself. 0.99

01:49:33.000 I was a very honest kid.

01:49:36.000 You know, there's a lot of things.

01:49:38.000 I had a bicycle and then that was like freedom.

01:49:42.000 That's where I began, like, oh, I have real freedom.

01:49:45.000 I got a fishing pole, got on my bike, and just went off into another county.

01:49:49.000 Like, that wouldn't happen today.

01:49:50.000 I would never allow my daughter to walk across the street. 0.97

01:49:55.000 I had a similar life.

01:49:57.000 I was a latchkey kid, too, and I just think the horror.

01:49:59.000 Where was this?

01:50:00.000 Well, I lived all over the place, but I lived when I was 7 to 11. I lived in San Francisco from 11 to 13. I lived in Florida from 13 till 24. I lived in Boston.

01:50:12.000 Oh, wow.

01:50:13.000 Then New York and out here.

01:50:14.000 Oh, wow.

01:50:15.000 Well, L.A., rather, and then out here the last five years.

01:50:18.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:50:19.000 So I lived all over the place.

01:50:21.000 Yeah, that's a good mix, right?

01:50:22.000 Well, the good thing about living in a bunch of different places, the bad thing is I never really developed roots.

01:50:27.000 Right.

01:50:30.000 For my own opinions.

01:50:32.000 Because I couldn't count on the opinions of all the people around me.

01:50:37.000 I didn't have a core group of friends.

01:50:40.000 So I always had to sort of see the world for what it was.

01:50:46.000 Did that make you an introvert or an extrovert or both?

01:50:49.000 I think I was an introvert initially.

01:50:52.000 I don't think I ever...

01:50:52.000 Even though I talk for a living and I'm a public figure, I'm not really an extrovert, which is really odd.

01:50:57.000 I don't really like...

01:50:58.000 Which sounds crazy for someone who gets a lot of attention.

01:51:01.000 I don't need it.

01:51:02.000 Which is probably why I get it in some strange...

01:51:06.000 I was very socially anxious when I was a kid.

01:51:10.000 I would get super nervous when I had to talk to a bank teller.

01:51:14.000 I remember one time I had to deposit money in a bank and I was like, why am I freaking out like this?

01:51:18.000 This is so weird.

01:51:20.000 But eventually overcame all that stuff and then...

01:51:26.000 Through martial arts, traveling around all throughout my youth from the time I was 15 until I was 22. So all I did was travel around the country and competing.

01:51:37.000 So I had a very bizarre life in that I didn't have the normal high school life of partying and hanging out.

01:51:46.000 No, I was flying to California to fight.

01:51:50.000 It was weird.

01:51:51.000 It was a very weird life.

01:51:55.000 You know, I still wasn't an extrovert.

01:51:59.000 Like, I didn't really learn how to talk in groups of people until I started teaching.

01:52:03.000 Until I started teaching martial arts.

01:52:05.000 And then that's how I learned how to public speak.

01:52:09.000 But I was publicly speaking about something that I was very good at.

01:52:13.000 So it was like I commanded sort of attention just because I would demonstrate to them things that I was doing.

01:52:20.000 And in demonstrating and talking, it made sense that I was able to talk.

01:52:25.000 About something you knew pretty well and you're comfortable in.

01:52:28.000 Yeah.

01:52:28.000 You know, it's like I was really good at it so I could show them.

01:52:32.000 I'm going to demonstrate something to you, and then I'd do it, and they'd be like, holy shit! 0.98

01:52:36.000 I'd be like, I'm going to show you how to do this. 0.97

01:52:38.000 And then, if you listen to me, like, I taught at Boston University when I was 19, and it was a real counter torture GPA.

01:52:46.000 It was like, pass, fail, A. And I'd say, all you have to do is show up and try, and you get an A. And if you can't show up, call me, tell me you can't make it.

01:52:56.000 And you'll be fine. 1.00

01:52:57.000 If you fuck off, I'm gonna fail you. 1.00

01:53:00.000 But if you just try, you get an A. And then it counts towards your GPA. 1.00

01:53:03.000 This is like a legit thing.

01:53:05.000 Yeah.

01:53:05.000 Like, all I want you to do is, like, this can help your life.

01:53:08.000 And I'm not thinking you're gonna go and fight and compete, but I can...

01:53:13.000 Teach you something here.

01:53:15.000 And it's difficult, but you'll get better at it.

01:53:17.000 And through getting better at it, you'll learn how to get better at other things.

01:53:20.000 The discipline.

01:53:21.000 So that's like how I got into comedy in the oddest way.

01:53:25.000 Learning how to talk to people.

01:53:27.000 Because I wasn't comfortable talking to people. 0.96

01:53:30.000 I always felt like a loser and a weirdo.

01:53:32.000 I always felt like an outcast.

01:53:34.000 So to learn how to talk publicly, like that's how I did.

01:53:41.000 But all that traveling around.

01:53:42.000 I don't know.

01:53:55.000 know from there's just some positive things that kind of come out from that right like I like I went to a different school every year of my life at least until I got to high school but I was in the same town I didn't move around a lot maybe just in the town I did divorce and all that sort of stuff our schools were full

01:54:10.000 whatever it was so I had to

01:54:12.000 Either engage with people, all brand new people, each grade, new school, new grade.

01:54:18.000 And then, you know, you're growing up.

01:54:19.000 I was more shy and I think more like you, like an introvert.

01:54:22.000 So either I was very gregarious or I just was an observer and I just watched.

01:54:27.000 So you just make choices.

01:54:29.000 And that's why I became an observer.

01:54:32.000 But with that, I don't know.

01:54:34.000 I like that part of me.

01:54:36.000 And I can be extroverted like I'm an actor and a thing, but I'm still more insular and quiet.

01:54:41.000 Yeah.

01:54:42.000 Even though the two quiet guys are yapping their jaws off for hours.

01:54:46.000 Well, I mean, it was hard, but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way because I think it made me different.

01:54:55.000 And I think there's, unfortunately, if you are in like a small town and you grow up in that town and you never leave that town, your perspective is very limited.

01:55:07.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:55:08.000 And I moved around a lot.

01:55:10.000 And I think that was very uncomfortable.

01:55:14.000 I hated it when I was a kid. 0.99

01:55:15.000 Like, fuck, we're moving again to another state. 0.99

01:55:19.000 But that made me who I am. 0.99

01:55:23.000 And again, it made me form my own opinions instead of adopting a conglomeration of opinions that everybody around me had.

01:55:30.000 You know, and I went from...

01:55:33.000 Very liberal and progressive San Francisco in the 1970s during the Vietnam War to living in Florida where it was like completely the opposite, like super conservative and kind of retarded. 1.00

01:55:44.000 And I remember just being around people like, why are they even... 0.58

01:55:48.000 Why do they even think like this?

01:55:50.000 This is crazy.

01:55:50.000 It was so strange to me to have this, like, complete juxtaposition, almost like a cultural 180.

01:55:56.000 But it also made me realize, like, wow, there's a lot of different ways to think.

01:56:00.000 There's a lot of different ways to engage with life.

01:56:03.000 Yeah.

01:56:04.000 You know?

01:56:05.000 Well, don't we, like, especially growing up, right?

01:56:07.000 Because you're saying, like, 7, 8, 13, 14, all those years, we look to our friends and friendship groups as sort of, like, kind of...

01:56:14.000 Help develop ourselves and kind of be a reflection upon ourselves.

01:56:18.000 If you don't have it, you have other things that you turn to.

01:56:23.000 Like you said, it could have been a terrible thing if you stayed in the same place and you had the same four or four dues and then how limited your life would have been to staying in San Fran.

01:56:33.000 Like you said, there's a real good positive thing to take from.

01:56:37.000 Being removed from stability, removed from, right?

01:56:40.000 That's all anxiety-inducing.

01:56:42.000 Or it could be the perspective, right?

01:56:44.000 The perspective could be, but if it's a positive perspective, you know, to lean on.

01:56:48.000 Yeah, like you said, I like how I came to the thing, and it drove you into all the things that you probably like about yourself today.

01:56:54.000 I think it's pretty interesting.

01:56:56.000 Yeah, and it also, like, I got picked on a lot.

01:57:00.000 That's what drove me into martial arts.

01:57:03.000 I hate being scared of people.

01:57:06.000 It just drove me nuts. 0.98

01:57:07.000 I didn't have friends, so a group of guys would fuck with me and I didn't know what to do. 0.99

01:57:12.000 So I was like, okay, I gotta fix this. 0.98

01:57:15.000 So I became obsessed with martial arts.

01:57:18.000 And then once I started doing that, it was like the first thing that I ever did.

01:57:20.000 I was like, hey...

01:57:22.000 I don't think I'm a loser.

01:57:23.000 I just think I never figured out how to get good at something.

01:57:26.000 And now that I'm really good at this one thing, I'm like the opposite of a loser.

01:57:29.000 And then I became obsessed with winning.

01:57:32.000 And that was like my whole life until I was like, I don't think I want to do this anymore.

01:57:36.000 And then I transitioned to other things. 0.99

01:57:41.000 Period of time wouldn't have happened if I lived in a comfortable environment where I wasn't fucked with. 0.98

01:57:47.000 Where I didn't get bullied. 0.89

01:57:49.000 I wouldn't have that desire to do something that was completely terrifying.

01:57:54.000 Because I was scared of...

01:57:56.000 Physical confrontation.

01:57:58.000 So what do I do?

01:57:59.000 Spend my whole life getting involved in, like, voluntary physical confrontation with trained fighters.

01:58:06.000 Right.

01:58:06.000 Which is way more terrifying.

01:58:08.000 Right.

01:58:08.000 The most terrifying thing.

01:58:10.000 Right.

01:58:12.000 You know, but that...

01:58:14.000 But what's the alternative? 0.99

01:58:15.000 Oh, just be scared and be bullied and beat the fuck up? 0.99

01:58:17.000 That's what I had to decide. 0.98

01:58:18.000 Yeah, take the reins.

01:58:20.000 I had to decide that.

01:58:21.000 Yeah.

01:58:21.000 I just had to make this change, you know?

01:58:24.000 Yeah.

01:58:26.000 Fortunately, it worked out.

01:58:27.000 Yeah.

01:58:28.000 It's very bizarre, the turns that life takes.

01:58:31.000 And when you look back, you're like, what if that hadn't happened?

01:58:34.000 What if I hadn't done this?

01:58:35.000 What if I hadn't turned left?

01:58:37.000 Yeah, the crossroads are so, so instrumental in who we become.

01:58:43.000 Right.

01:58:43.000 And in control of that?

01:58:45.000 Like, we're not steering any ship at that point, right?

01:58:47.000 No, so much of it is luck.

01:58:49.000 Yeah.

01:58:49.000 Or whatever it is.

01:58:50.000 Or fate.

01:58:51.000 Whatever fate means.

01:58:52.000 Yeah.

01:58:53.000 I mean, fate is kind of assumed once an outcome has been achieved.

01:58:57.000 Oh, it was fate.

01:58:58.000 Yeah, in hindsight.

01:58:59.000 Was it really?

01:59:00.000 In hindsight, you could say that.

01:59:01.000 Yeah, I'm not sure.

01:59:03.000 Say that in a moment.

01:59:04.000 Right.

01:59:04.000 I do think there's a certain power to following instincts, which I've always done for whatever reason.

01:59:12.000 You know, there's a pull that you have towards a certain direction, even if it's like massively uncomfortable.

01:59:18.000 Sometimes you have to realize like... 0.98

01:59:20.000 Okay, let's go like this is what I'm supposed to do and that that is very hard to do but once you do it a few times and then you start saying That there's a little voice in your head like that motherfuckers never let me down I'm gonna keep serving that voice whatever that voice is. 0.95

01:59:36.000 I'm gonna keep listening Even though people are like, what are you doing? 0.98

01:59:39.000 And I'm like, I'm not going to listen to you.

01:59:43.000 I hear that a lot.

01:59:46.000 I think so do a lot of people that have accomplished great things.

01:59:49.000 I don't think anybody who listens to the advice of everyone around them ever steps out of line.

01:59:55.000 I don't think you ever really try anything crazy.

01:59:59.000 Because most people aren't going to want to support you when you're trying something that seems insane.

02:00:03.000 Whether it's trying to be a movie star or whatever it is.

02:00:07.000 Trying to be a martial artist or a rock star or anything in life that's hard to do.

02:00:11.000 Most people are going to tell you don't do that.

02:00:13.000 Especially people that are conservative.

02:00:16.000 Conservative in a sense of like to do something that is going to give you a good chance of success.

02:00:22.000 Yeah.

02:00:22.000 Because the more fun things are very open-ended.

02:00:27.000 They don't really have a lot of success.

02:00:29.000 What are the numbers of people that become successful actors?

02:00:33.000 Is it like a tenth of a percent?

02:00:37.000 It's probably less than that.

02:00:39.000 If you could get a chart of how many people move to Los Angeles to try to make it in show business and how many make it, it's got to be an astronomical number.

02:00:50.000 The numbers are not good.

02:00:52.000 Insane!

02:00:53.000 Those numbers have to be insane. 1.00

02:00:56.000 But my thought was like, fuck, somebody's doing it. 1.00

02:01:00.000 Somebody did it. 0.99

02:01:01.000 Why can't I do it?

02:01:02.000 And then people would say, you know what, with the odds you're going to make it?

02:01:05.000 I don't know.

02:01:07.000 Why am I thinking about that?

02:01:08.000 It can be done.

02:01:10.000 People have done it. 0.99

02:01:12.000 But you have to be willing to just really fucking throw yourself into something and know that Especially in the beginning, there's no time to fuck off here. 0.98

02:01:25.000 If you really want to do something that's really hard to do, you've got to be all in. 0.98

02:01:31.000 Because there's too many people that are all in. 1.00

02:01:33.000 You're competing with them.

02:01:35.000 You're not competing with these half-steppers, these people that are kind of dipping in and dipping out. 1.00

02:01:39.000 They're there as an example for you to not live your life.

02:01:42.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:01:44.000 Well, isn't there kind of a selective hearing that kind of has to happen in anything for anyone?

02:01:48.000 We have to listen and really listen to engage and really listen to learn and grow.

02:01:55.000 But then we have to have selective listening to, like, how many times I was told no or I was told I was crazy or to, like, what are you doing?

02:02:01.000 Are you out of your mind?

02:02:02.000 I'm like, ooh, now I knew I'm on the right track when I hear that.

02:02:06.000 Because that's the words of a fearful person.

02:02:09.000 Those are the words uttered from someone who's scared and not courageous and a lot of stuff's in their way.

02:02:16.000 I'm on the right track when people say that.

02:02:19.000 There are those people that would try to sabotage you because they don't want you to be successful because they haven't taken a chance in their life.

02:02:25.000 So they don't want anybody who does, who's courageous.

02:02:28.000 They want you to fail.

02:02:30.000 There's people out there that want people that are courageous to fall apart because then it makes them feel better for their own choices.

02:02:36.000 That's okay.

02:02:37.000 They've got to live with that.

02:02:38.000 I don't, right?

02:02:40.000 Right, right.

02:02:40.000 They've got to swim in that.

02:02:42.000 But again, I think that those things are just like...

02:02:45.000 You need the rain to appreciate the sun.

02:02:48.000 You need to struggle to appreciate love.

02:02:51.000 They have to coexist, otherwise they don't exist.

02:02:54.000 It's like a truth and a lie. 0.95

02:02:55.000 They both have to exist, otherwise everything's just fucking true.

02:02:58.000 So you have to coexist together, otherwise you don't.

02:03:01.000 That's the hardest part of life to truly understand.

02:03:05.000 Why is there evil?

02:03:06.000 Because you need love.

02:03:08.000 You need good.

02:03:09.000 Why can't everything be love?

02:03:12.000 Well, it can't.

02:03:13.000 It can't.

02:03:13.000 There has to be evil.

02:03:15.000 There's no evil people for you to appreciate loving people.

02:03:18.000 There really has to be kind people for you to appreciate, oh, okay, life is not just all cruelty.

02:03:27.000 But you have to know that cruelty exists for you to appreciate kindness.

02:03:31.000 Weird.

02:03:33.000 Yeah.

02:03:33.000 It's a weird dance.

02:03:34.000 It's strange.

02:03:36.000 Yeah.

02:03:36.000 Like, if God is real, what a strange game he's playing.

02:03:44.000 But you can kind of, when it all works out, you see wisdom in it.

02:03:47.000 You're like, I kind of get it.

02:03:50.000 Life is not just utopia.

02:03:52.000 It's a strange mix of good and evil.

02:03:55.000 Yeah.

02:03:55.000 And love and hate and all these things that are in the way.

02:04:02.000 Those tests, man, those tests, don't they suck? 0.97

02:04:05.000 They do. 0.97

02:04:06.000 All the tests we have in our lives, and everybody has them.

02:04:08.000 Everybody.

02:04:09.000 There's nobody that's exempt from it.

02:04:10.000 No way.

02:04:11.000 How much money, how successful.

02:04:13.000 We're all susceptible to great tests and great suffering.

02:04:17.000 It's how well you overcome that suffering will determine how well you love and deeply you love in your life.

02:04:24.000 And also, the people that have overcome the most are the most fascinating and interesting and complex people.

02:04:29.000 Aren't they?

02:04:30.000 Have you ever met Amanda Knox?

02:04:32.000 Do you know who she is?

02:04:34.000 Yeah, I know she is.

02:04:35.000 She's that woman that was accused wrongly of a murder in Italy. 0.99

02:04:38.000 Yeah, I remember that.

02:04:39.000 She spent years in prison in Italy.

02:04:42.000 And she is so fascinating.

02:04:44.000 She's so strong and so interesting.

02:04:47.000 And I asked her about this.

02:04:48.000 I was like, do you ever think like you are this really unusual person with this like

02:04:56.000 cast iron integrity and character?

02:04:59.000 Would you be this person if you hadn't been wrongly accused and spent years in prison and publicly persecuted and then eventually absolved?

02:05:10.000 Like, who would you be?

02:05:12.000 I mean, would you want it any other way?

02:05:13.000 I mean, I don't.

02:05:14.000 Right. I wouldn't wish that on anybody.

02:05:16.000 Yeah. But yet here you meet her.

02:05:18.000 She's so incredible.

02:05:19.000 It's like life is very, very odd.

02:05:22.000 Yeah. And there's choices that she could have made, right?

02:05:26.000 In that.

02:05:28.000 That.

02:05:28.000 She could have been, like, resentful.

02:05:31.000 I don't know how she is, so I don't know.

02:05:32.000 She's not at all.

02:05:33.000 And she could have been valid in any kind of feeling she has about things, because that all sounds pretty shitty.

02:05:40.000 But, you know, again, what's the alternative?

02:05:44.000 You want to hold on to resentment?

02:05:46.000 Is that the life you want to live?

02:05:47.000 Because it's your choice.

02:05:50.000 Sounds like an interesting person to talk about, but, you know, is it a choice or a choice for her?

02:05:56.000 Did she feel like it was a choice?

02:05:57.000 It certainly wasn't.

02:05:59.000 Yeah.

02:05:59.000 Did she feel like that made her who she is and she's content with that?

02:06:04.000 I mean, she's certainly resigned to what it is, but she's very happy now.

02:06:11.000 Right.

02:06:11.000 But not just happy, but complex.

02:06:14.000 Like a complex...

02:06:16.000 Compassionate, charitable thinker.

02:06:17.000 What's the conversation if she's still in the joint, you know?

02:06:21.000 Oh, yeah.

02:06:21.000 I mean, she's still in the clink and there's no hope of forgetting now.

02:06:24.000 Well, she learned a lot in there, too.

02:06:26.000 Yeah, I bet.

02:06:27.000 People, like, what the terrible choices that people make, because most of the people that were in there were guilty, you know, and the terrible choices that these people make.

02:06:36.000 And, like, what happened to you when you were young?

02:06:38.000 Like, why did you become a person who murdered your husband?

02:06:41.000 Why did you become a person who, you know, robbed a bank?

02:06:44.000 Why did you – what went wrong?

02:06:47.000 You used to be a baby.

02:06:48.000 This is just something that I...

02:06:53.000 Being a parent really changed my perspective of human beings in a very profound way, in many, many profound ways.

02:07:00.000 But one of the biggest ones is I stopped looking at people as being static.

02:07:04.000 I stopped looking at, oh, Jeremy's 54. He's always been 54. That's how I know it.

02:07:08.000 Now I look at everybody like, oh, you were a baby.

02:07:10.000 You were a baby.

02:07:12.000 You know what I mean?

02:07:15.000 I love my daughters dearly, and they're very extraordinary people, but it's been fascinating to watch.

02:07:21.000 As little babies become these really complex human beings and have conversations with them and talk to them and see how they interface with life. 0.99

02:07:30.000 And then I meet people who are all fucked up and angry and fucking hateful. 1.00

02:07:36.000 I'm like, God damn, what happened? 1.00

02:07:39.000 What went wrong? 0.98

02:07:41.000 What are the things and how do you get out of this?

02:07:47.000 It's interesting.

02:07:50.000 I mean, there's so many trials and tribulations in this wonderful existence that we all share.

02:07:58.000 And I think we learn a lot through other people's, not just your own, but other people's.

02:08:04.000 Yeah, yeah, for sure.

02:08:05.000 Well, that's the hope anyway.

02:08:06.000 We can, right?

02:08:07.000 Yeah.

02:08:08.000 Well, I think a lot of people are going to learn a lot through you.

02:08:10.000 And without having to do it in a fearful way or scare tactics or, you know what I mean?

02:08:15.000 That doesn't really work.

02:08:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:08:17.000 But it's used everywhere in media and advertising and all that kind of stuff.

02:08:22.000 Right, right.

02:08:22.000 But like to do it in an honest way or it's like, I hope I still learn by talking about my experience.

02:08:30.000 I still learn by looking through the book or listening to the audio.

02:08:33.000 I'll be listening to the audio soon when I have my daughter and all my nieces and nephews around.

02:08:38.000 They're going to listen to it.

02:08:39.000 We're all going to listen to it together.

02:08:40.000 I'm not going to have them go off reading this thing.

02:08:42.000 It's too harrowing to do it alone.

02:08:44.000 But I'll be listening to it.

02:08:45.000 I'm going to learn.

02:08:46.000 And with that experience and that exchange with these beautiful young creatures, you know?

02:08:53.000 Well, you'll be learning for so long.

02:08:54.000 It's only been a couple of years, which is really crazy.

02:08:57.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:08:58.000 I'll keep trying and testing the limits of my body and my mind and my spirit and what I can pass on to others, what I can give on to others, what they give me.

02:09:09.000 I mean, it is a vibrant, high vibration that I'm living right now.

02:09:17.000 I'm so blessed to have it.

02:09:19.000 I have so much gratitude at every breath.

02:09:25.000 I almost feel like I don't have to walk anymore.

02:09:29.000 I just feel so lucky.

02:09:33.000 And I think it has to do with all the love and all the goodness.

02:09:44.000 That this world has to offer.

02:09:45.000 I think that's gotten me through.

02:09:49.000 And the attitude of it, that perspective of that.

02:09:52.000 Because it can be a very bleak, dark place.

02:09:55.000 But I choose to...

02:09:57.000 I choose love.

02:09:59.000 I choose action.

02:10:01.000 I choose...

02:10:03.000 My perspective.

02:10:06.000 It is my choice.

02:10:09.000 I've been in dark places where it wasn't quite so positive and so lovely.

02:10:13.000 It was well before the accident, you know.

02:10:16.000 It was just like, you know, just kind of grumbly and grumpy and don't want to leave my house.

02:10:20.000 And, you know, I don't want to go sign autographs.

02:10:22.000 I don't want to be around people or, you know, just kind of whatever, you know.

02:10:25.000 Not a really great, happy place, perhaps, you know, like everybody has the right to be.

02:10:30.000 But if that doesn't exist at this point, you know, I don't get any more bad days, Joe.

02:10:34.000 That's amazing.

02:10:37.000 Right? 1.00

02:10:38.000 You're like, fuck, I wanted that! 1.00

02:10:39.000 Isn't that incredible? 1.00

02:10:40.000 Well, I can gas up a snowcat before you want.

02:10:42.000 I can make it happen for you.

02:10:43.000 Isn't that incredible?

02:10:44.000 No more bad days, brother.

02:10:45.000 Right?

02:10:45.000 Wow.

02:10:46.000 It's a perspective that is mine.

02:10:48.000 And a truth and reality that is mine.

02:10:51.000 Because I have a barometer to like, yeah, I know what a bad day is actually like.

02:10:54.000 And I was tested to my limits.

02:10:56.000 And I got through it, luckily, somehow, someway.

02:10:59.000 And it's a...

02:11:02.000 It's just almost science at this point.

02:11:04.000 It's a factual that it's just not going to happen.

02:11:06.000 I can't.

02:11:06.000 No matter if I tried so hard to have a bad day, it's just not going to happen.

02:11:09.000 I can have a bad moment.

02:11:10.000 I can have frustrating times.

02:11:12.000 But I'm just not going to have a bad day.

02:11:14.000 And for the rest of my experience here on Earth.

02:11:17.000 That's amazing.

02:11:18.000 And I think that experience, this perspective that you're sharing, is contagious.

02:11:24.000 I think so too, dude.

02:11:26.000 Actually, I know so.

02:11:27.000 I know so.

02:11:28.000 Yeah, I think so too.

02:11:29.000 For a fact.

02:11:30.000 It's sort of make manifestation of what your existence is you want to be.

02:11:35.000 Yeah.

02:11:35.000 And you can do it.

02:11:36.000 Yeah.

02:11:37.000 But you got to believe it.

02:11:38.000 You got to do it.

02:11:38.000 Yeah.

02:11:39.000 Both those things.

02:11:40.000 I think that's why it's beautiful that you wrote this book.

02:11:43.000 Yeah.

02:11:44.000 My next breath.

02:11:45.000 Yes, sir.

02:11:46.000 Thank you, Jeremy.

02:11:47.000 It was awesome.

02:11:48.000 I really...

02:11:48.000 Yeah.

02:11:49.000 I really appreciate you.

02:11:50.000 Yeah.

02:11:50.000 Likewise, brother.

02:11:51.000 You make me happy, man.

02:11:53.000 You bring out a lot of good stuff in me.

02:11:55.000 You reaffirm a lot of good things in me in a really, really meaningful way, and I appreciate you.

02:12:01.000 I appreciate you, too.

02:12:02.000 Thank you.

02:12:03.000 It was a lot of fun.

02:12:04.000 Yes, sir.

02:12:04.000 Thank you.

02:12:04.000 I'll see you at the UFCs, too, man.

02:12:06.000 Absolutely.

02:12:07.000 Okay.

02:12:07.000 Go buy this book, folks.

02:12:09.000 Yes, sir.

02:12:09.000 Bye, bud.

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 29, 2025

Joe Rogan Experience #2312 - Jeremy Renner

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Summary

Transcript