In this episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, the boys talk about testosterone and all the things you should and shouldn t be taking it. They also talk about some of the weird things they do with their bodies to make sure they are getting the most out of it.
00:00:30.000I guess also, yes, it'll eat your bones, they say.
00:00:34.000I'm real big on taking this stuff and then not really following up with like, you know what I mean?
00:00:40.000I just started doing testosterone from a company that's like, you know, it's above board taking it, but like, they're like, you should make sure you monitor your blood all the time.
00:00:49.000And I'm like, yeah, we'll get to that at some point.
00:06:20.000And someone asked Ralph about it on something, and his response, I think, is what made it very popular.
00:06:25.000I think he was just saying, because he doesn't like me, because one of those comments goes like, And I think that just, you know, you can show any picture of George Lopez bugging his eyes out and make that hilarious.
00:06:55.000I get on a flight and I'll be on Twitter for fucking hours just tweeting at people for no reason.
00:07:00.000No, but I mean like particular, like a person you could put a face to, like a comic.
00:07:04.000Not that I haven't had a problem with somebody before.
00:07:09.000But I mean like I don't know it's I have a hard time like sleeping on like I'm gonna run this person every night and we hate each other It's been a while.
00:07:14.000I mean I I'm not it's just not that serious There's nobody in the world that I hate like there's literally no even people that hate me.
00:07:25.000Oh my god So the guy my father was stabbed to death when I was four years old and then years later I got out of prison I was like let me try to get this guy on my podcast and interview him How interesting would that be?
00:07:36.000But he was already dead Yeah, dude, that would have been insane.
00:07:40.000Yeah, cuz I didn't I wasn't like it was a kid Like showing up at this young guy's house who you stabbed his dad you're gonna be alone together that guy's gonna kill you That's what I would think I was an old man.
00:07:56.000I couldn't defend myself I don't think it was that old he was 17 when he killed my father So he was only 13 years older than me, so he'd be like 60 now, I guess Yeah, but this is like a decade ago that I was gonna do it.
00:08:08.000That guy's a convicted murderer, dude.
00:09:16.000It seems like this is like an advanced stage of the video game right now, where like they're lighting cop cars on fire in LA and throwing bricks off of overpass.
00:09:24.000Dude, it does seem fun to order a Waymo and light it on fire.
00:11:09.000I was gonna rent one once, and they gave me the keys, and I was like, this is gonna be fun, and then I remembered you have to charge it.
00:11:14.000I was like, I gotta drive to fucking Rhode Island right now.
00:11:17.000I was like, I'm gonna have to stop halfway there and charge the car for a while.
00:11:20.000I think you can get there, it's just then you have to charge it.
00:11:22.000No, I don't think we wouldn't have made it.
00:11:24.000No, it's like the real mileage is different than the mileage it says.
00:11:28.000So it really should say, like, percentage of battery, but they want you to, like, estimate the mileage, but it's all dependent upon how fast you're going.
00:11:35.000Like, if you're accelerating a lot, if you're moving around, if you stop and go traffic, like, who knows what the real mileage is?
00:11:42.000If you're on, like, say if you get stuck in a crazy traffic jam for, like, four hours, like some explosion somewhere, like, and you supposedly have 200 miles on your car.
00:15:21.000I did a, uh, when I was on tour with the band years ago, Korn did a Jägermeister music tour.
00:15:26.000They always had the Jäger girls would hang out, and I was on the Jägermeister production bus on this tour, so the girls would all come on there.
00:15:34.000They would come and hang out and drink for free on the bus.
00:15:36.000And, you know, tour buses, you're not allowed to shit on a tour bus.
00:15:39.000And only one of the Yeager girls asked if she could use the bathroom.
00:15:43.000It was just in the time we were there.
00:17:55.000I saw a thing about Trump saying that they were going to genetically engineer raptors and have the fucking troops ride them to protect the border.
00:19:43.000To try their newest clinically-backed formula, AG1 Next Gen. You'll also get a bunch of other free stuff, like a bottle of D3, K2, and five of the upgraded travel packs with your first subscription.
00:19:55.000Just go to drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan.
00:20:00.000One scoop a day, your body will thank you.
00:20:02.000Again, that's drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan.
00:20:15.000I sent you one at one point where it's just like, I was like, I know this is not Joe glazing this fucking weird company for a 10-minute read.
00:20:25.000I was like, they really got him to do this, huh?
00:20:34.000I told a racist street joke on Legion of Skanks 10 years ago, and me saying the N-word has been used in so many memes and little videos.
00:20:44.000But it's so funny because black people react to it, and it's such a funny street joke that they can't deny it.
00:20:49.000It's like an undeniably funny thing, so it's always black people trying to not laugh, and they say it, and I'm like, pfft, that's pretty good.
00:21:56.000It's happening all across the country.
00:21:58.000Yeah, like criminals and rapists and, you know, obviously, but then they go to like a college campus and there's some kid about to graduate.
00:23:32.000It's pretty wild what's going on, but I mean I don't know like I said everybody running out of like Louis Vuitton with a bunch of like You've seen that?
00:24:01.000It's like sitting there, it's like, and the people are To the cops like why don't you do the right thing and not shoot me with a rubber bullet Well, you know what the problem is the problem is there's cops that just shoot people with rubber bullets for no reason Did you see that lady, that Australian reporter that got shot?
00:30:46.000I think it's a fun way to have information that you don't give to the rest of the world and if you're the head of a It'd be probably pretty cool to know some shit that other people don't know and not tell anybody and still go to brunch.
00:31:04.000But how are you not so consumed that you go, Hey, you want to start a new Netflix series tonight?
00:32:31.000I've only seen it twice, but I mean, I'm blown away by how much your brain can change functionality in a day, in a day's difference, being like, everything's changing.
00:32:41.000You know, they're saying things that they've never said before, and believing it, and being like, you know what I mean?
00:34:19.000I was like, My man, it's good to see you.
00:34:21.000And he goes, you know the P. Diddy thing is real, and that's why Usher, that audio of him fucking that guy was real, and he got Usher first, and that's why Usher, remember when Usher was gone for a year because he had to get his asshole sewn back together?
00:34:58.000This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.
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00:36:24.000And then after like an hour, you get back to be like, "Cool." He does it to everybody.
00:36:29.000When he came over, so we had a pool at the Airbnb we were at, and at one point I realized, they go, oh, no, he's had Bobby Kelly in the corner for a while.
00:36:36.000And then Bobby Kelly, Kirk goes inside, and Bobby swims over, and he goes, He goes, I guess Kurt told me those Jew lasers actually are pretty real.
00:37:12.000I say his day-to-day personality is genuinely I always describe Kurt.
00:37:16.000He's the first person I see that price of genius Where it's like he's so great at being funny and his mind works such a thing, but his brain when you're not talking to him Maybe even when you're talking to him is just like It's like a division sign.
00:38:07.000I think really rich guys, one thing that happens if you're really rich and people are stopping you from communicating and you get pissed off and you think, well, fuck it, I can just buy Twitter.
00:38:50.000What's keeping us at each other's throats?
00:38:52.000You're saying almost just in the basic level of someone his age doing the same action that a girl flopping on her bed on her tummy and kicking her knees up.
00:40:22.000If it's been funding the Democrat machine for this whole time, which is what guys like Mike Benz allege, it's a little over my head to really explain, but essentially we're saying that the...
00:40:35.000You want to know how many NGOs there are?
00:40:37.000There is one NGO in India for every 600 people.
00:41:21.000And he lays it out in, like, hours-long presentation and explains how it's all, what's the root of it all, and it's like, it's really spooky stuff, because you realize, like, how corrupt our society actually truly is.
00:41:33.000Do you enjoy having the burden of information?
00:43:14.000If you steal someone's stuff, and they find it 20 years later, you go, "Well, it's been mine for 20 years!" But also, I totally agree with you.
00:43:22.000But also, if you're living in Mexico, and you're a young person, and you figure out a way to sneak across the border, you get gainfully employed in the United States, you start doing well, you're involved in a business, you start raising a family, but there's no real path to citizenship, because you snuck in.
00:43:38.000But you've actually become integrated in society, and you're part of the American dream.
00:44:27.000He lived in these communities like he took me to the they had chicken fights in their communities And this dude had just roosters stacked up everywhere like there was like a hundred roosters in this guy's backyard Not my landscaper, but his friend.
00:44:40.000He took me to his friends place They would barbecue a goat and cook root and there wasn't a English-speaking sign for blocks And I was like fucking paid him more so That was not my point.
00:44:54.000My point is like completely integrated societies that are a part of LA that are fully Mexican you know and but it functions it works like going in and raiding those people and putting them in jail because They've integrated into society in an illegal way.
00:45:14.000And then it's all the people that are going, it's like, is my tax dollars?
00:45:16.000Like, guys, the amount of bullshit that our tax dollars goes to, that should be a priority over getting a fucking Mexican dad out of the country.
00:50:09.000This may or may not have been exactly how it happened, but it seems like when explorers came to North America, they contracted syphilis from the natives and then brought it back to Europe.
00:50:22.000And then a lot of people were getting syphilis.
00:51:42.000It really looks Dude, I saw a video today where this doctor was talking, and a doctor that I know And then a couple months later, like, my stomach's bothering me.
00:52:01.000And the doctor's like, oh, let's check out what's going on with your stomach.
00:52:04.000How long have you only had one kidney?
00:53:14.000It's- that's why you have to I mean what hello science catch up You can look like stealing people's kidneys you live with one kidney But how much does it affect you like data like you exercise still can you I don't know what would it do to you very good question I think you live life relatively normal.
00:53:28.000Yeah, we'll do it for loved ones It's interesting that people get kicked in the kidneys all the time But you don't really hear about too many like severe kidney injuries You know, like you hear about liver injuries, like you hear about internal bleeding from guys from body shots.
00:53:43.000Don't hear too much about kidney injuries.
00:53:45.000Dude, getting punched in the fucking liver, it's the most painful thing on the planet, dude.
00:54:12.000Bisping's like, hey, watch this, bang, I mean literally the whole gym of people cackling, laughing at me as I roll around on the floor as a man.
00:55:19.000The UFC had a 145 pound division and Amanda Nunes was the champion of it.
00:55:24.000Like, for the health of both fighters, like, that would be a good way.
00:55:27.000I mean, it really depends on if Kayla Harrison can continue to make 135 and defend the title, because I don't know who's going to beat her.
00:56:38.000You get knocked out and then some dudes doing backflips in the ring.
00:56:40.000That's the worst feeling in the world.
00:56:42.000By the way, I'm not a good enough sport for if I was knocked out and they come over and start doing that thing where they're touching my face a lot and be like, thank you for the opportunity.
00:57:19.000Because if she, you know, other than the Amanda Nunes fight, who?
00:57:23.000Well, who's gonna pay to watch her just steamroll somebody?
00:57:26.000If she can continue to make 135, if she becomes a marathon runner or something, and drops even more muscle mass and can make 135, who the fuck is gonna be able to deal with that?
00:57:35.000It was like Mike Tyson back in the day.
00:57:37.000It became a thing where they started offering you money back on the pay-per-views if he didn't last at least two rounds.
00:58:01.000But it was also fun to like, it was almost like Mike Tyson, his thing was, he was so very, That was kind of fun to watch somebody that dominant, you know, but also the crazy I think with the UFC people like they want to they want the back-and-forth thing They want to like you feel like you're getting your money's worth.
00:58:18.000I remember if they're Tyson Holyfield the ear thing Mm-hmm.
00:58:22.000I ordered that pay-per-view and I was driving around that night afterwards listen to the radio and people were like I I'm like, you just watched a guy bite another man's ear off.
01:00:40.000Is that going all in with his endorsements?
01:00:42.000I shouldn't say that because I don't really know.
01:00:44.000I just read some article that tried to break down how much he made for each pay-per-view and how much he made at the beginning of his career when he first burst onto the scene.
01:02:04.000You guys can do enough with promotion from his highlight reel.
01:02:07.000But the guy like Connor, though, that fucking guy, if he can get on the radio, if he can get on a talk show, if he can start talking shit, Dana sees dollar bills like fucking Scrooge McDuck.
01:02:19.000He starts throwing gold coins in the air.
01:03:52.000So I used in the early days of the UFC when they first started having lines in sportsbooks, I'd bet because I would see like you'd see shit like Anderson Silva is like if this isn't an 800 to one and Like, okay.
01:04:52.000they used to give the winner of the Ultimate Fighter a title shot like back in the day.
01:04:56.000It was like a crazy like just sort of like It's just more of a legitimate sport now that you can't just give, like, the winner of a reality show a title fight.
01:05:06.000America's Got Talent used to give a million-dollar prize, and then one day they just changed, like, you'd just be part of an America's Got Talent show in Vegas.
01:05:12.000Did they always give you a title fight?
01:06:47.000When I saw him dead, he looked like he might die.
01:06:50.000Have you ever gotten to talk to a fighter about the psychology of, like, once you lose, like, when you're just, like, this dominant force and once you lose, like, your whole thing changes.
01:07:16.000And it didn't seem like he hit him that hard either.
01:07:19.000It seemed like it couldn't be real that it was happening.
01:07:21.000Two fights before that was the fight, I believe, where he's hitting the guy and he tells the ref, he's like, stop the fight, and then the ref didn't, and he hit him a few more times.
01:09:47.000They turn around, they start talking shit.
01:09:49.000So then we start talking shit to them.
01:09:50.000We kind of chump the two guys and then their group of friends show up and they get wind that they just got chumped by these fucking loser comedians.
01:09:57.000They left the nerds behind and they went and got merch.
01:15:19.000There was a guy who used to work as a doorman at one of the comedy clubs, like a wannabe comedian.
01:15:27.000Hey, we're looking for someone whose brother had an affair with his wife and He just found out he goes what a coincidence my brother just said like that would be the thing they go great Come on in and we're looking for a guy who came back from Vietnam very disillusioned, you know, whatever the fuck it is They would he would just say they would just say that to him and you go great And they knew it was bullshit and he would just show up and act it they would just give him a rush so You came back from Vietnam, and what did you discover there?
01:19:07.000I don't know, but my driver had, it was in miles per hour, like his speedometer, and it was 20 miles an hour he was going, and it just feels like you're in slow motion.
01:25:31.000Well, you gotta figure, New York to LA is a six-hour flight.
01:25:34.000New York to Amsterdam is a seven-hour flight.
01:25:36.000I've done everything I did overseas, I did probably, or most things, I should say, probably a little young in comedy and intimidated myself on the situations that I've gone back.
01:25:48.000Well, it's not because you're poor, so you can't go to a nice restaurant.
01:26:15.000When you walk through the red light district, like the places where you can buy like snacks, like you know how many, dude, it's so funny, they have like, It's so for, like, dumb Americans to be like, oh, a hot dog on a pizza bun, and you fucking just eat this terrible shit.
01:27:51.000It starts off as him going over there believing he's doing something diplomatic.
01:27:55.000And then they go, all right, so you're going to go home and gather up some players and come here.
01:27:59.000And the documentary filmmaker goes, on the flight back, when they were coming back now to North Korea, he goes, oh, I noticed from the last time that Dennis has started drinking again.
01:28:10.000And he was supposed to be like, stop drinking completely.
01:29:53.000In the documentary, they show you the whole build-up to that, which is the guy's meeting without Dennis Rodman.
01:29:58.000They're like, Dennis is a little off his rocker right now, and America's turning on us.
01:30:01.000We're going to do this interview with CNN while Dennis is asleep, hungover, and we'll just do it just us, and we'll be able to explain this better, that we're just trying to be diplomatic and do something here.
01:30:11.000And then Dennis Rodman wakes up and finds out they're doing that.
01:30:14.000And he just barges on, and he just cuts a wrestling promo, and he's just slobber-filled.
01:31:22.000He also has the audience try to sing a long happy birthday to Kim Jong-un when he starts the game, and the audience doesn't know what he's singing.
01:31:29.000So they just start clapping too fast while he's singing.
01:31:34.000It's two fantastic hours of television.
01:32:52.000Well, the other side is your metabolism.
01:32:53.000When I stopped drinking, I got really just an incredible shape.
01:32:58.000And as you're getting older, even just whatever it does to my metabolism, and everybody's different, but it was a huge difference in terms of how I felt in the gym, how much I could run, how much I could lift.
01:33:48.000They're like, hey, you should get a sleep study.
01:33:50.000He goes, why did no for a fact that I die 27 times a night?
01:33:53.000Yeah, isn't there like things you could do where you see a doctor and they're going to like be able to essentially predict within a couple years of when you're actually going to die?
01:34:01.000I want to know, Joe, who's he sent Bert to where they come and they put him in that machine like Luke Skywalker on Hoth and they come out and they're like, if you never eat beans again, you'll live to 105.
01:34:24.000It's part of his thing, you know, so I feel like he feels like, I shouldn't put words in his mouth, but he's almost like, am I Bert Kreischer if I'm not getting fucked up and having fun with the fans like that?
01:34:33.000Like, if he does a show and he doesn't take his shirt off, people will boo.
01:36:24.000Sometimes there's one guy who tweets at me almost every day where he says, Luis J. Gomez has lip fillers, and he's trying to get this to be a thing, to catch on.
01:36:35.000And then every day he's trolling me, and I'm like, this fucking guy.
01:36:38.000And for maybe two years, Luis J. Gomez has lip fillers.
01:37:23.000I'd rather just meet people and if they show up, I guess they're fans.
01:37:25.000They're so sweet in person because Skankfest is like, half of them are like people who are on Reddit and trolling.
01:37:29.000And you go to Skankfest and it is just thousands of people that are like, just love.
01:37:34.000Skankfest particularly, it's like, you know, they say how many times in your life you walk by a murderer?
01:37:38.000It's like, how many times does Skankfest do I walk by, take a picture and shake hands with somebody who's like, Dude, you used to be good, but you suck dick in comedy now.
01:39:23.000A lot of that is they have a chip in their head.
01:39:25.000Well, this guy who killed his mom and Doug Stano became friends with And, you know, we were asking him kind of about what happened, and he just, you know, he gave a very compelling story, and we were saying goodbye to him.
01:39:41.000He goes, I just want to say, you know, when I was going through all that horrible stuff in the last several years that had been so difficult and terrible and my family hating me, but I still always, man, I listen to you guys and laugh, and I just want to say, That I love you guys.
01:39:59.000And I was like, well, I think I speak for the group and I say, whew.
01:40:04.000Because we all are aware of what you'll do if you feel someone is a problem.
01:41:20.000What was really neat, what was funny about that moment, was I was with Soder, Dan Soder, and I was like, I was like, you want to come outside?
01:43:22.000That was the only homework you had to do at all.
01:43:25.000And that fan was clearly going to do something about his mother and do the voice or something.
01:43:31.000And Patrice, right before he was about to do his fourth segment thing, he goes, Hey, let's see if you can do two minutes without doing your mom's accent.
01:44:40.000Also, there's a lot of fans that are just these 50-year-old truckers that are just like, we need something.
01:44:45.000Our generation was having a much harder time.
01:44:48.000It wasn't like back in the day when Howard Stern was bringing on comics, all the comics, because that was like his crew he was trying to build up.
01:48:21.000She had a couple moments where she talked about, during the Me Too movement, she was like, look, I got invited to every hotel room by every director in Hollywood.
01:48:30.000She was like, I didn't go, because I knew what the fuck they wanted.
01:48:33.000And she just kind of had a very real opinion on that whole sort of movement and what was going on.
01:48:38.000It's like, you know what's happening if you go to a hotel room?
01:55:04.000Having them make out and just keeps panning further and further backwards like five, in the middle of the movie.
01:55:08.000Five minutes of him just like hardcore making out with the chick.
01:55:11.000But I mean, when I was older, I think I would have gotten it.
01:55:14.000He had such like, he said a lot of Andy Warhol inspired stuff and reference.
01:55:17.000There was an episode of Pee-wee's Big Adventure or Pee-wee's Playhouse where he said two minutes he just put dog food in a bowl and it was just like ASMR, a close-up of a dog just eating the food.
01:55:26.000For like two straight minutes, which I would have weirded me out when I was a kid.
01:57:31.000Joe, the first time we did your podcast when you showed us all of your cool toys in your L.A. studio, I would have sucked your dick to do one of those things.
02:01:03.000There's something about him when he's cooking, too, when he's cooking, when he's, like, really on fire, it's different than everybody else.
02:01:09.000He's sweating, and, you know, his fucking hair's throwing back, and just the tone of his voice and the way he repeats punchlines.
02:01:16.000It's like, that guy gets cooking, man.
02:01:18.000He gets cooking, and you watch the crowd.
02:01:20.000They're just falling out of the chairs.
02:01:41.000He still, what's funny is he also dresses though like the old black guy who comes to play basketball, so it looks like he's not gonna be that good.
02:08:04.000Like jokes, like specifically, like I got my, on Instagram right now, they, I can't go live or advertise on Instagram for a year because I was talking about a bit that I did on my first special on Dan Soder's podcast about how I would get free cocaine in Mexico.
02:08:21.000I went up the beach and like I would get samples of cocaine.
02:08:24.000I just told the story about actually doing it and they flagged it and said we were promoting Like the sales of drugs, and I'm fucking fucked for a year now.
02:13:09.000You can get them, you know, that are many years old.
02:13:11.000It's just their batteries degrade slightly over time.
02:13:15.000So, like, if it first comes from the factory with 340 miles, you know, after, like, five, six, seven, eight years, it's probably got 280 miles or something like that, you know?
02:13:25.000So that's all, just efficiency kind of goes down?
02:13:27.000Yeah, but for driving around town, like, if you're just taking it to commute, it's easy.
02:13:31.000You just plug it in when you go to bed at night.
02:13:33.000You don't ever have to go to the gas station.
02:13:44.000I remember when I was a kid, and you remember this too, they would say, oh, Hondas are the best because you can get 200-some thousand miles at 300,000 miles.
02:13:52.000I don't think that even exists anymore that a car is supposed to say.
02:14:00.000The reason I got the Acura was because Yeah, my buddy, really, Nick Rochefort, shout out Nick Rochefort, great comic, and he was like, dude, trust me, he was like, get an Acura.
02:14:10.000He was like, it'll last 250,000 miles.
02:14:13.000I'll give it to my kid when he graduates high school.
02:14:15.000My friend Matt Farah had a Lexus with a million miles on it.
02:16:33.000So what they'll do is, like, they take an old car, like a 68 Mustang, and they put a Coyote 5.0 in it, like a modern Ford eight-cylinder Coyote engine in it.
02:17:23.000When you open up, you could have a car for a year at this point, a brand new car, and open it up and it looks brand new because it's barely engine parts.
02:19:59.000I don't know if it's Toyota or another...
02:20:05.000You look like a jerk off though if you bought the novelty car of the time anyone is still rocking a fucking one of those like Union Jack A Fiat, you'd be an asshole.
02:20:17.000Do you remember the PT Cruiser in the early 2000s, late 90s, where they were like, hey, everyone likes that ZZ Top car.
02:20:22.000Let's make a very cheap version of that.
02:21:49.000That's good though, to learn how to drive and do a driver's test on a stick.
02:21:52.000Like you really know how to drive if you're a kid.
02:21:53.000It is one of those feelings though where you're like, even my daughter, I'm like, it's a good skill to have driving stick and then she'll never be in a world where it will ever be necessary.
02:23:38.000They were the coolest cars I've ever had.
02:23:39.000I looked it up recently, and I found one for like nine grand.
02:23:41.000It looked great, and then I was going to buy it, and then a friend of mine was like, dude, you literally, to get anything fixed on that car is crazy.
02:27:19.000Yeah, well, but it was concrete when I got to the glass part my I almost fell forward because my legs stopped Like my legs stop moving like my body shut down be like no no no we're not ready for the end of the night.
02:29:33.000It was, in fact, a documentary about a...
02:29:46.000And when he landed, he was being chased by the rangers and the cops to arrest him, and he went in the water with his parachute and everything, got caught up and died.
02:30:41.000Skiing is like fucking wildly dangerous.
02:30:45.000Just sometimes I was in Park City and you're just You're just going and going and going.
02:30:53.000But there's times where I'm going to the edge, and all it takes is just a little less control, and you just fly off the edge of a thing, and you're done.
02:31:01.000How do cars not go off up in the canyons in the ballet every year, like tons of them?
02:31:40.000Oh, well, how about the fucking drive up to San Francisco if you take the coast?
02:31:45.000There's times where the left side of you is just cliff.
02:31:49.000There's, like, famous places, like, in the world, like, in just other countries where, I mean, I've been to a few countries where you're driving, there's no rail, your tires are just, like, along the edge, like, almost hanging off.
02:32:06.000Oh man, there's some wild countries where the only way to get is these fucking rows through the mountains and sometimes there's boulders that fell in the way and you gotta move the fucking landslide and hope it doesn't hit you while you're driving.
02:32:18.000It's amazing all the years of driving for comedy and how long I've driven.
02:32:40.000That actually happened to me recently.
02:32:41.000I was moving my lawn furniture because my fucking mech And I'm moving it back, and I felt my foot go into the ground, and I heard beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
02:32:53.000And these baby bunnies jumped out of a bunny's nest, which apparently they're underground.
02:33:48.000You should have glued their hands to their genitals and then hung them from something and be like, oh, another auto-asphyxiation gone wrong.
02:35:32.000Because Michael Hutchinson and David, when you think of their name, before you think of even NXS or any of the songs, you're like, oh yeah, he died.
02:35:43.000So now, they'd rather have you think they were just depressed and going through it than saying that because that's all you're going to be known for now.
02:35:58.000The world doesn't need to know he was jerking off while he killed himself.
02:36:00.000Well, you'd rather feel that it was on purpose because he was desperate and sad than he was such a weirdo that he had to jerk off and hang himself from a fucking doorknob.
02:36:09.000I heard there's a conspiracy involving the David Carradine one.
02:36:12.000I think David Carradine had run afoul with some shady characters.
02:37:16.000Sorrid details of Kill Bill Starr's sexual life began to surface as the photos generated more questions about the actress' mysterious death.
02:37:23.000That seems like you couldn't do that yourself, unless you're really, really ingenious.
02:37:27.000How do you, how do you bound, it says hands bound above his head.
02:37:52.000Yeah, there's a lot of accusations involving.
02:37:55.000He's giving his wiener the old five-finger death punch, but I mean if what are the like standards of like a Do they really want to investigate?
02:38:06.000They probably just gotta kill themselves.
02:41:46.000It was like these guys just, I think it was like the two coasts, really, was all of it.
02:41:49.000You know I mean none of the internet I think really opened it up to the rest of the country and it's like saturation Yeah, you used to be able to go to clubs and build a market So you just keep returning you turn like once a year and after a few years people come to see you like oh big J's coming He's really funny last time San Fran punchline Stress Factory or maybe two of the only clubs that really I know there's more oh the Providence comedy connection let me go there and Have enjoyed watching it be like, you know, giving me a couple hundred dollars for a weekend to change over the years.
02:42:18.000I remember I opened for you, you made $600 for the weekend as the headliner.
02:42:24.000And if you're good, and they know you're good, and they give you a chance, the people trust them, because they've got a long history of booking good comedy.
02:42:35.000I opened for Steve-O when he first started doing comedy.
02:42:39.000And I'd done DC Improv with the Tail and stuff before, and I did that weekend.
02:42:43.000I hate when you go hat in hand to places and you get bad news.
02:42:47.000I remember going to the booker there, who was someone who's so friendly to me now, and she's great, but it was so hard.
02:42:53.000I go, hey, I'd love to come back and headline, even like on an off weekend, what people don't want to do, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, whatever.
02:42:59.000And she goes, yeah, I'd love to, but you don't sell any tickets.
02:44:05.000Like, what is the path to, like, even making money?
02:44:08.000You're just doing it blindly, going, like, I hope something happens eventually.
02:44:11.000People get mad because I think there is a path now to making money very quick, and people are doing it.
02:44:16.000And so it's that, it's the Howard Stern used to shit on, it was that famous thing with him and Ari, shit on the idea of podcasts.
02:44:23.000But when people were shitty about that, I always understood his anger, at least, I don't agree with it, but I understand when he did the AM rate.
02:44:29.000Well, his anger didn't make sense because he was already super famous.
02:44:32.000No, but his argument was saying, I had to do AM shift, 2 AM to 6 AM, in this shitty town, and I had to do this, and I played music until they realized it would be better to let me talk 10 years later.
02:44:45.000It's just like, well, you could flip on a switch, and if you have an audience already, or connected to somebody who has an audience, like...
02:44:53.000Well, also the difference is we all hang out with each other and do each other's podcasts, whereas those radio guys all fucking hated each other.
02:45:20.000It could only be the one big radio guy in Philly, you know?
02:45:23.000And if Stern was coming into Philly, and if they were gonna open up like a syndication thing, he was gonna talk crazy shit on the big guy in Philly, whoever it was, or whatever city it was.
02:45:31.000I do feel it's interesting watching, I wonder if this happens with every generation.
02:45:34.000The comedy dollar gets stretched though, 'cause it is kind of funny.
02:46:00.000I'm just saying a ticket to see someone in an arena, it's before they'd be able to see everyone they loved was coming through the improv or whatever, and then a couple were doing theaters.
02:46:09.000Like, now it's like, it's a fucking night out at, like, a sporting event to go see comedy, where it's like, they might not have the money next week to go see...
02:46:19.000Well, there's some people that just don't want to spend that kind of money to go to an arena anyway, and they'd rather go see someone in a club.
02:48:57.000He had to quit that tour because everywhere he went then, they would start booing him because they'd be like, do Cleveland now.
02:49:02.000Yeah, that was like that was like this before viral videos were happening like that, right?
02:49:07.000It was such shitty grainy footage But that's when I I mean maybe my first year in comedy that happened a couple years in and you just seeing that and it's like It's such a comics moment where you're like yes, just fucking well It's a big pin.
02:49:19.000It's a big moment to have in comedy I said a few of them when you when silence doesn't scare you anymore Or just the mo just I could talk into a microphone especially for 15 minutes Under any circumstance, you know, I mean like it'll suck If it's terrible, they're already booing.
02:49:34.000Go out in the very beginning, there's no one there.
02:49:35.000But, like, I'm not afraid of the moment.
02:49:37.000That's a big thing to get over, and that's what, you know, being scared for the moment.
02:49:42.000That's why I said Duel overseas the first time.
02:49:44.000I was like, do they even understand English here in England?
02:49:47.000The first five minutes, if you're doing a headlining set that's not going well, and you're like, oh, fuck, it's going to be another hour.
02:51:08.000Yeah, but Austin's great for that as well.
02:51:10.000So what you did down here is you've cultivated like, New York and LA, they don't really, like, if you're just going on a random pop-in set at the stand or the cellar or the comedy store into some random show and they don't know who you are, you start doing fucked up shit, they get very tight.
02:51:38.000It's become like a comedy destination, kind of how people go to New Orleans for jazz.
02:51:42.000Well, this town doesn't seem to feel like it has the same responsibilities They want to let you know that you're out of line.
02:51:55.000They don't want you talking about a certain subject.
02:51:57.000Did you think there was gonna be when you opened the club did you like foresee the dissension and stuff that happens just within the scene?
02:52:03.000The people that don't work there bitching about this for this reason and the people who...
02:52:09.000And everyone goes, they got in there because of this, and I met in there because of this.
02:52:13.000They have a walled garden perspective.
02:52:15.000You see a bunch of people having a good time, and you're not involved.
02:53:42.000Where it's like, you'll get your opportunity if you fucking, if all the other comics are like, yo, this guy's funny, you should take a look at him.
02:54:15.000The advice that I would have given a young comic 15 years ago, I was a young comic at the time too, but I would be like, do not be on camera for the first decade that you do comedy.
02:55:43.000It makes the people that succeed look better.
02:55:46.000When I do Kill Tony as a panelist, I love watching somebody bomb.
02:55:50.000It's my favorite thing, because then you just trash them, you get to fucking make fun of them.
02:55:54.000I thought that's when we started doing the show.
02:55:56.000I've been a panelist on Kill Tony, I think I might have the number one amount of times, like 25 times I've been a panelist.
02:56:03.000When we started doing it back in the day in the Comedy Store, in the belly room, The most fun we would have is when somebody just had a hot one and then we would just fucking trash them.
02:57:30.000Well, this was a brilliant idea that Jay had.
02:57:32.000like our secondary tagline is the most offensive podcast on earth, and it's not, there's more offensive podcasts, but it lets people, I think that's the reason we've never gotten in trouble, is because you know exactly what you're gonna get.
02:57:43.000Why would you watch this if you don't watch the most offensive podcast?
02:57:48.000You look like an idiot if you start complaining about it.
02:57:52.000Adam Kroll had a great analogy about it when he did our show.
02:57:55.000He was like, this is why you guys get away with it.
02:57:57.000He's like, when Snoop Dogg goes to the Grammys, Snoop Dogg And nobody's like, you can't smoke back here.
03:00:23.000Last time I came in here, when you talked about it, I was like, hey, you know, there's that video going around of that girl freaking out.
03:00:27.000And I was just going like, yeah, it's just like, she wasn't ready for this moment, but I went through, didn't say the name on purpose.
03:00:33.000And there's so many videos on the internet that are like, I'm like, no, it's not what I did.
03:00:40.000Well, sometimes you say things because you're just talking, and then you realize, God, that other person's going to hear that.
03:00:45.000I did that recently, and I'd like to apologize to this guy.
03:00:48.000There's this guy named Flint Dibble, who's an archaeologist, and I said, He attacks other archaeologists like Graham Hancock and he says some terrible things, but what I did was very counterproductive.
03:00:58.000What I said was like these weak bitchy men and I named him.
03:01:35.000I got angry at this process that sometimes, like, established archaeologists are attacking these people who have legitimate ideas.
03:01:41.000but I shouldn't have done it that way.
03:01:45.000Like, archaeology is your one passion?
03:01:46.000No, it's like, I talk about a lot of different things, but I talk...
03:02:00.000It just it comes normal like fuck that idiot, you know like it comes out sure and you go Yeah, shouldn't have you know, we do that all the time you get loose you get a little too Comfortable well I tell you also that's the smart move I said that Howard Stern did years ago That I'm trying to get better at and do when you think something's ridiculous praise it And then use it, and you can show everybody without having to make fun of it.
03:02:50.000This is like, I could only be so pushy.
03:02:54.000You know, when people don't want to talk about a specific thing or want to give you an answer that you think is pretty much gaslighting you.
03:03:19.000Who was the guy years ago you had an argument with, but again, sometimes when vernacular causes the problem, I feel like at the time you were just, like, in a rhythm of saying the word bitch at the end of a sentence a lot, and you said something, you go, you're like, come on, bitch!
03:03:50.000Yeah, we said we were bullying him because we were researching information live that was countering what he was saying, and he didn't have access to it.
03:04:54.000But it's like, I actually didn't have a bad time talking to him.
03:04:57.000We had to confront him on this one thing because he accused Graham Hancock of being attached to white supremacy and this weird thing about Atlantis.
03:06:42.000And if they don't believe it, they use it as a tool.
03:06:45.000And they'll use it as a tool to dismiss you.
03:06:47.000But this is one of the things that came up during that topic, that when even archaeologists come up with a new timeline for things, where it throws the old history into a tizzy, they attack them.
03:06:59.000Graham Hancock brought up this concept of Clovis first.
03:07:03.000They used to think that the Clovis people, like 13,000 years ago, were the first people in North America.
03:07:08.000This one guy found evidence of people that lived a long time ago and they fucking ruthlessly destroyed his career.
03:07:16.000They found these footprints in White Sands, New Mexico.
03:07:18.000They're 22,000 years old of human beings.
03:07:21.000So they were probably living here even before that.
03:07:24.000But they destroy people that come up with an idea that throws their expertise into question.
03:07:30.000And that's what they're all doing with Graham Hancock.
03:07:33.000What they do is he's pointing out that there's some real evidence that perhaps there was an advanced civilization that was thousands of years older than we think civilization started at.
03:07:50.000Egypt's in Africa, you know, this all this sub-Saharan stuff where they think the Richard structure It's crazy because the area, when you zoom out, looks like it was hit with a massive flood.
03:08:02.000Like, everything looked like all water erosion.
03:08:05.000Like, it was like massive amounts of water just destroyed the landscape.
03:08:18.000And that is like the size that Atlantis is described in, in Plato's recollections of it, or Plato's stories about it.
03:08:26.000You know, there's a lot of debate about it, but the position that it's in and the weirdness of what it is makes a bunch of these ancient history guys that really believe in Atlantis, just like they really believed in Troy.
03:08:38.000They thought Troy was mythical until they found it.
03:08:42.000And then they're like, oh, geez, Troy was a real thing.
03:08:44.000So there's a lot of these people that are – And they don't want anything to be dated older than what they've established and what they've taught in lectures.
03:11:07.000Well, back then, you understand, they would have these games, and they would bring in, like, you know, they would have, like, hunts, and they would have, like, animal fights and shit like that.
03:11:15.000But it's like, back then, to see a giraffe, it looked like an alien.
03:15:38.000The winner survived and the loser died.
03:15:40.000Very rarely, and usually with special dispensation from the emperor, would there be sign miso battles, which automatically meant death for the loser, with no chance of being spared.
03:17:46.000Emperor Galenius punished a merchant who had swindled the emperor selling her glass jewels instead of authentic ones by setting him in the arena to face a ferocious lion.
03:17:56.000When the cage opened, however, a chicken walked out to the delight of the crowd.
03:18:01.000Galenius then told the herald to proclaim he practiced deceit and then had it practiced on him.
03:18:55.000As abundantly as hail, one observer noted, along with wooden balls containing tokens for prizes, food, money, or even the title to an apartment, which sometimes set off violent scuffles amongst spectators struggling to grab them.
03:19:08.000There used to be a blimp that would go around the Sixers Stadium and drop coupons for hers potato chips, and I've seen people fall off of balconies for them.
03:19:15.000It was as hot as a boiler room in the summer, humid and cold in the winter, and filled all year round with strong smells from the smoke-sweating workmen packed in the narrow corridor.