The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2339 - Luis J. Gomez & Big Jay Oakerson

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast.

00:00:03.000 Check it out.

00:00:03.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day.

00:00:07.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.

00:00:08.000 All day.

00:00:11.000 Thanks, sir.

00:00:12.000 Live and running.

00:00:13.000 Yeah.

00:00:14.000 The ever greater and thinner Big Jay Oakerson.

00:00:17.000 Thank you, Manjaro.

00:00:18.000 Shout out, Manjaro.

00:00:19.000 You're looking good, dude.

00:00:20.000 Big ups, Manjaro.

00:00:21.000 It's nice to see.

00:00:22.000 Thank you.

00:00:23.000 I am exercising, too.

00:00:24.000 Beautiful.

00:00:25.000 You have to, or it will just be floppy and weird and gross.

00:00:28.000 Or it'll eat your bones.

00:00:30.000 I guess also, yes, it'll eat your bones, they say.

00:00:34.000 I'm real big on taking this stuff and then not really following up with like, you know what I mean?

00:00:40.000 I just started doing testosterone from a company that's like, you know, it's above board taking it, but like, they're like, you should make sure you monitor your blood all the time.

00:00:49.000 And I'm like, yeah, we'll get to that at some point.

00:00:51.000 I'm gonna keep taking it, though.

00:00:52.000 You don't monitor your blood at all?

00:00:54.000 No, not me with any regularity, I think.

00:00:57.000 You should probably do that.

00:00:58.000 Yeah, they did it there.

00:00:58.000 I know.

00:00:59.000 Someone I know says they take testosterone and they have to, like, donate blood every month to get blood.

00:01:04.000 I've heard that before.

00:01:05.000 Because their blood's so thick.

00:01:05.000 I've heard that before.

00:01:06.000 I talked to my doctor about it.

00:01:07.000 He goes, that really doesn't make sense.

00:01:09.000 But he has heard of occasions where people had to do that.

00:01:13.000 To unthicken their blood.

00:01:14.000 Like, you have too much blood or something?

00:01:16.000 They're like, how much are you taking?

00:01:17.000 Like, what are you doing?

00:01:18.000 Are you going ham, bro?

00:01:20.000 This man's health company saw me coming down the road a mile away.

00:01:24.000 And I don't even know.

00:01:25.000 We started.

00:01:26.000 Sorry, we couldn't wait.

00:01:27.000 Why even ask me?

00:01:28.000 I gotta know.

00:01:29.000 While you were on the door, I was like, this doesn't make sense.

00:01:31.000 Let's just start.

00:01:32.000 I'm taking two peptides that feel like fire.

00:01:35.000 It feels like fire when I inject them.

00:01:36.000 Really?

00:01:37.000 What are they?

00:01:38.000 Well, the BPC-157, that's the one everyone's doing.

00:01:41.000 Right, that's a good one.

00:01:42.000 And then something that's blue.

00:01:43.000 It's blue.

00:01:44.000 Oh, methylene blue?

00:01:46.000 I don't know, it burns.

00:01:47.000 Wait a minute, methylene, hold up.

00:01:49.000 Methylene blue, you're not supposed to inject.

00:01:51.000 It's not that then.

00:01:52.000 It's G. It starts with a G. It's not one of the letters.

00:01:55.000 G-H.

00:01:55.000 Methylene blue is weird stuff.

00:01:57.000 It's a dye for fabrics that people take for its health benefits.

00:02:03.000 What the fuck?

00:02:04.000 Boost mitochondria or something.

00:02:06.000 It's really weird.

00:02:07.000 What exactly does it do?

00:02:08.000 I should ask, even though I take it.

00:02:13.000 I don't take it all the time, but I have taken it.

00:02:15.000 And I don't know.

00:02:16.000 I couldn't describe.

00:02:18.000 I couldn't explain.

00:02:19.000 Exactly.

00:02:20.000 A medication used in the management and treatment of medications what's that word?

00:02:20.000 Here it is.

00:02:31.000 Methamoglobinemia.

00:02:35.000 Methamoglobinemia.

00:02:36.000 A condition where hemoglobin decreases its ability to carry oxygen.

00:02:40.000 Huh.

00:02:41.000 Straight up.

00:02:42.000 But it started out as a fabric dye, I'm pretty sure.

00:02:46.000 Right?

00:02:47.000 Doesn't it say that?

00:02:49.000 What is it two for humans?

00:02:51.000 I think it was a dye.

00:02:54.000 Yeah.

00:02:55.000 Which is so weird that a dye would have health benefits.

00:02:58.000 I grew up in a house of supplements.

00:03:00.000 My stepfather was a power lifter, so I only know about creatine.

00:03:03.000 Sick.

00:03:06.000 That's it.

00:03:08.000 Creatinine was another one that would show up in the house sometimes.

00:03:10.000 Creatinine?

00:03:11.000 Yeah.

00:03:12.000 What's that?

00:03:12.000 I don't know.

00:03:13.000 I think Jason can creatine twice and he's just remembering it wrong.

00:03:17.000 Nah, it was another word.

00:03:19.000 Super creatine.

00:03:21.000 Creatine's legit.

00:03:22.000 That stuff's super good for you.

00:03:24.000 I just started taking Tongat Ali for my testosterone.

00:03:29.000 Creatinine is a waste product that forms from the breakdown of creatine in muscles.

00:03:35.000 Huh.

00:03:36.000 Why would I take it?

00:03:37.000 There's another natural one.

00:03:39.000 I think it's called turkesterone.

00:03:42.000 I know Shilajit is good for testosterone. 1.00

00:03:43.000 I think that's what it's called.

00:03:44.000 Yeah, there's a few of those.

00:03:45.000 I asked my doctor to put me on testosterone I think we talked about it because you're like, dude, I got, don't worry, fuck your doctor.

00:03:51.000 I got a doctor for you.

00:03:52.000 And I was just like, yeah, maybe I'll just stop smoking weed.

00:03:56.000 You think that was killing your testosterone?

00:03:58.000 I think so.

00:03:58.000 It was like lower than it should have been.

00:04:01.000 It was like in the high threes and now it's like mid fives.

00:04:04.000 Well, like a good doctor, what they'll do first is ask you like, what do you do for exercise?

00:04:09.000 What are you eating?

00:04:10.000 How much do you sleep?

00:04:11.000 Like those things are all.

00:04:12.000 The first thing the doctor will ask you.

00:04:14.000 And if all that stuff's fucked up, they shouldn't just give you testosterone.

00:04:17.000 They should be like, let's fix it.

00:04:19.000 My place did.

00:04:20.000 Shout out Game Day Men's Health.

00:04:23.000 15 minutes.

00:04:24.000 They'll give me anything I want in a needle.

00:04:25.000 There's a few doctors out there that like to go buck wild.

00:04:27.000 Of course.

00:04:28.000 I think they get incentivized.

00:04:30.000 I got PRP treatment in my hair.

00:04:31.000 I'm not losing my hair.

00:04:32.000 They just talked me into it.

00:04:34.000 Now it's never going away.

00:04:35.000 PRP worked?

00:04:36.000 I don't know.

00:04:37.000 We're going to find out.

00:04:38.000 I just got it like two weeks ago.

00:04:39.000 Jay is a mark.

00:04:41.000 His hair's thinning.

00:04:43.000 It's definitely going.

00:04:45.000 There's a bunch of topical stuff that you could use these days.

00:04:48.000 Sure.

00:04:49.000 There's like a finasteride topical.

00:04:50.000 But I would worry that that would get into your skin and into your bloodstream.

00:04:54.000 Like that finasteride stuff is crazy.

00:04:56.000 Like that makes some people very depressed.

00:04:59.000 It kills your DHT, which is what keeps your hair from falling out.

00:05:03.000 And for some people, it just kills their testosterone.

00:05:06.000 They get like super depressed.

00:05:08.000 Yeah, I started losing my hair when I was 18. I just said, fuck it.

00:05:10.000 I was bald.

00:05:11.000 What's that?

00:05:12.000 I love not having to talk to a barber.

00:05:14.000 That's the best.

00:05:15.000 You shave it with a big razor.

00:05:16.000 It's beautiful.

00:05:19.000 How do you find out how much that your barber doesn't know you but is a big fan of Ralph Barbosa?

00:05:23.000 You guys aren't going to find that out.

00:05:25.000 Is that what you get from your barber?

00:05:26.000 I don't know you, but Ralph Barbosa is the fucking man, dog.

00:05:31.000 Oh, Kenny.

00:05:33.000 His name's Kenny.

00:05:34.000 Ralph Barboza is slick.

00:05:34.000 He's a nice enough guy.

00:05:36.000 He's like a slick comedian.

00:05:37.000 His punchlines are smooth.

00:05:40.000 Very funny, man.

00:05:40.000 He's great.

00:05:41.000 Yeah, he's got a great...

00:05:43.000 He's got a fun, just his approach.

00:05:46.000 I like it.

00:05:46.000 Delivery.

00:05:47.000 It's very slick.

00:05:48.000 Yeah.

00:05:49.000 And he's sending the elevator down.

00:05:51.000 I mean, he's going and taking guys on tour that I've never heard of, but I think have been around for a long time.

00:05:55.000 That's great.

00:05:56.000 That's great.

00:05:56.000 It's a cool move.

00:05:57.000 Yeah, very good dude.

00:05:58.000 He hung out with us at the mothership one night.

00:06:00.000 Fun guy.

00:06:02.000 Yeah, he got popular for, uh, he, like, someone said on, like, George Lopez's show or something, they were like, this guy sucks.

00:06:09.000 Or no, George Lopez was like, I don't get it, he's just whatever, and then I think he made fun of him back.

00:06:13.000 I think someone was talking well about him, and then George Lopez was very dismissive of him.

00:06:18.000 And I think that's what happened.

00:06:20.000 And someone asked Ralph about it on something, and his response, I think, is what made it very popular.

00:06:25.000 I think he was just saying, because he doesn't like me, because one of those comments goes like, And I think that just, you know, you can show any picture of George Lopez bugging his eyes out and make that hilarious.

00:06:36.000 That's hilarious.

00:06:38.000 It's good, fucking good fireback.

00:06:41.000 Are you good at living in comedy beefs?

00:06:41.000 Yeah.

00:06:43.000 I'm so terrible at it.

00:06:45.000 No, I don't like comedy beefs.

00:06:46.000 I fucking hate it.

00:06:47.000 I don't like any beefs.

00:06:49.000 Lewis, you've been in a few where you've gone to bed on...

00:06:54.000 No, I'm the loser.

00:06:55.000 I get on a flight and I'll be on Twitter for fucking hours just tweeting at people for no reason.

00:07:00.000 No, but I mean like particular, like a person you could put a face to, like a comic.

00:07:04.000 Not that I haven't had a problem with somebody before.

00:07:09.000 But I mean like I don't know it's I have a hard time like sleeping on like I'm gonna run this person every night and we hate each other It's been a while.

00:07:14.000 I mean I I'm not it's just not that serious There's nobody in the world that I hate like there's literally no even people that hate me.

00:07:20.000 I'm like yeah, dude We're cool.

00:07:21.000 The guy that murdered your father?

00:07:23.000 Dude, I try to get him on my podcast.

00:07:25.000 Oh my god So the guy my father was stabbed to death when I was four years old and then years later I got out of prison I was like let me try to get this guy on my podcast and interview him How interesting would that be?

00:07:36.000 But he was already dead Yeah, dude, that would have been insane.

00:07:40.000 Yeah, cuz I didn't I wasn't like it was a kid Like showing up at this young guy's house who you stabbed his dad you're gonna be alone together that guy's gonna kill you That's what I would think I was an old man.

00:07:56.000 I couldn't defend myself I don't think it was that old he was 17 when he killed my father So he was only 13 years older than me, so he'd be like 60 now, I guess Yeah, but this is like a decade ago that I was gonna do it.

00:08:08.000 That guy's a convicted murderer, dude.

00:08:09.000 He could fuck your shit up.

00:08:10.000 Yeah, but he was a kid, and my father beat him up.

00:08:12.000 My father was a bully.

00:08:13.000 What if he called McGregor?

00:08:14.000 He goes, well, Lewis, I'd like to say I apologize to absolutely fucking nobody at all.

00:08:19.000 Yeah, but I thought that would have been an interesting conversation.

00:08:25.000 I wasn't like going into it being like, oh, you've killed my father.

00:08:28.000 I'm angry.

00:08:29.000 I got a great life.

00:08:30.000 I would be fucking probably living in Patterson, New Jersey still.

00:08:30.000 My father lived.

00:08:33.000 I have a shit life.

00:08:34.000 That's what we always tell ourselves.

00:08:36.000 A drug dealer and a pimp, if he was alive.

00:08:39.000 Yeah, it worked out well.

00:08:41.000 Yeah, but that's always it.

00:08:42.000 If my dad stuck around, maybe I wouldn't have the personality I have and I wouldn't be where I'm at.

00:08:46.000 So?

00:08:46.000 Maybe it would be way better.

00:08:48.000 No.

00:08:49.000 Well, I wouldn't have my kid.

00:08:50.000 Maybe I'd be a head of state or something.

00:08:51.000 If that one sperm had to hit that one egg, I wouldn't have my son right now if my father was alive.

00:08:56.000 If anything happened differently.

00:08:57.000 Yeah.

00:08:58.000 Alright, Ashton Kutcher.

00:08:59.000 That's a butterfly effect over here.

00:09:01.000 Guy watches one movie and all of a sudden he doesn't figure it out.

00:09:04.000 Hey, you guys ever think maybe we're just plugged into a pod somewhere?

00:09:07.000 And this is all nothing?

00:09:09.000 I'm gonna see if I can fly real quick.

00:09:10.000 I think there's something to that we're plugged into something.

00:09:13.000 It seems more like it every day.

00:09:16.000 It seems like this is like an advanced stage of the video game right now, where like they're lighting cop cars on fire in LA and throwing bricks off of overpass.

00:09:24.000 Dude, it does seem fun to order a Waymo and light it on fire.

00:09:27.000 Nobody gets hurt.

00:09:28.000 It's just hilarious.

00:09:29.000 And I think it's directionally correct.

00:09:32.000 You should probably start killing robots.

00:09:34.000 You guys are on the right course.

00:09:36.000 They're early on the war of the machines.

00:09:39.000 Trying to stop the Terminator! 0.93

00:09:41.000 Bro, these are all going to be owned by corporations and it's going to be the only way you're allowed to get around.

00:09:46.000 Because they're the safest.

00:09:47.000 They're going to take away everybody's driver's license.

00:09:49.000 It's going to get weird as fuck.

00:09:52.000 But it's going to probably be better.

00:09:52.000 Oh yeah.

00:09:53.000 The car's going to go 200 miles an hour probably.

00:09:55.000 Traffic will be eliminated.

00:09:56.000 Dude, I think there are going to be more of these fucking things that we just saw in LA.

00:10:00.000 That's what I think.

00:10:01.000 I've heard that teenagers are going back to smoking regular cigarettes now and getting away from vapes.

00:10:05.000 We might move back analog a little bit.

00:10:08.000 You know what I mean?

00:10:09.000 Bring back manual cars.

00:10:10.000 I wonder if analog makes some sort of...

00:10:16.000 Yeah, but it's too late.

00:10:18.000 They do want it to slow down.

00:10:19.000 I mean, the electric car didn't really take off the way they'd hoped.

00:10:22.000 Yeah, the problem with electric cars is the charging time's too much.

00:10:26.000 If you're a young single woman, and you have to charge your car, and you have to just sit there for a fucking hour. 0.81

00:10:26.000 It's too much. 0.81

00:10:31.000 I also feel that way, so I feel like you just called me a young single woman.

00:10:35.000 Well, you're a man.

00:10:36.000 Any human's vulnerable, but a woman by herself is particularly vulnerable, right?

00:10:42.000 Like, if you're a hot girl, and you're sitting in your car, how many fucking creeps that know that you have to be there for an hour?

00:10:48.000 How many creeps can bother you?

00:10:50.000 That's a great idea, Joe.

00:10:51.000 There you go.

00:10:52.000 I'm gonna start getting girls at the fucking charging stations. 1.00

00:10:55.000 I almost rented a Tesla once.

00:10:57.000 Just go to Starbucks, get a large order, and just walk down the aisle of Teslas waiting to find a hot one.

00:11:01.000 Yeah, dude.

00:11:02.000 Have you ever driven a Tesla?

00:11:04.000 Have you ever driven one?

00:11:06.000 Nah, dude.

00:11:07.000 From the 70s.

00:11:08.000 Don't trust that electric shit.

00:11:09.000 I was gonna rent one once, and they gave me the keys, and I was like, this is gonna be fun, and then I remembered you have to charge it.

00:11:14.000 I was like, I gotta drive to fucking Rhode Island right now.

00:11:17.000 I was like, I'm gonna have to stop halfway there and charge the car for a while.

00:11:20.000 I think you can get there, it's just then you have to charge it.

00:11:22.000 No, I don't think we wouldn't have made it.

00:11:24.000 No, it's like the real mileage is different than the mileage it says.

00:11:28.000 So it really should say, like, percentage of battery, but they want you to, like, estimate the mileage, but it's all dependent upon how fast you're going.

00:11:35.000 Like, if you're accelerating a lot, if you're moving around, if you stop and go traffic, like, who knows what the real mileage is?

00:11:42.000 If you're on, like, say if you get stuck in a crazy traffic jam for, like, four hours, like some explosion somewhere, like, and you supposedly have 200 miles on your car.

00:11:55.000 With the radio on?

00:11:57.000 With the air conditioning on?

00:11:58.000 So we're team Trump then, not Elon?

00:12:01.000 Fuck Elon Musk.

00:12:03.000 Fuck your stupid car.

00:12:04.000 If it's cold, they die quick.

00:12:06.000 Oh, really?

00:12:06.000 Yeah, that happened in Chicago.

00:12:07.000 Remember when they had that fucking big thing where the highway got closed down?

00:12:10.000 And people in Teslas were fucked, man.

00:12:12.000 Because they just stopped working.

00:12:14.000 Also, if you blow a tire, Tesla has to come fix that.

00:12:18.000 Really?

00:12:18.000 Yeah.

00:12:19.000 I don't know.

00:12:19.000 Why's that?

00:12:20.000 But they have to come handle it.

00:12:22.000 The function of Tesla's, though, is amazing.

00:12:24.000 Dude, they're amazing.

00:12:25.000 they fucking drive themselves.

00:12:28.000 You press the 100%.

00:12:36.000 It changes lanes.

00:12:38.000 Bro, it's nuts.

00:12:39.000 You could put on like It's that good.

00:12:45.000 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:12:46.000 I don't do it.

00:12:48.000 I don't do it, but I have done it.

00:12:49.000 But I keep my hand near the wheel just to see what it can do.

00:12:52.000 It does everything.

00:12:53.000 Yeah, no, that's much better.

00:12:54.000 I get like road paralysis where like if I'm like driving for more than an hour and I'm looking at the lines.

00:12:59.000 Not paralysis.

00:13:00.000 What do they call it?

00:13:01.000 Like road hypnosis.

00:13:04.000 So I'll get hypnotized by the lines and I start falling asleep.

00:13:06.000 I start falling asleep.

00:13:07.000 If I have to drive for more than an hour or two at night.

00:13:10.000 You know how to fix that?

00:13:11.000 Do you know how to fix that?

00:13:12.000 It's real easy.

00:13:13.000 Cocaine.

00:13:14.000 No, no, no.

00:13:15.000 No, that's not cocaine.

00:13:16.000 That'll work too.

00:13:17.000 You're right.

00:13:18.000 But you have to keep doing it over and over again.

00:13:20.000 Get some ice and just a washcloth.

00:13:23.000 A wet washcloth with ice in it.

00:13:26.000 And just rub your face.

00:13:27.000 Rub your face with it.

00:13:28.000 You wake right up.

00:13:29.000 You wake right up.

00:13:30.000 And it lasts for like five minutes.

00:13:31.000 Wash it like you keep in your car.

00:13:33.000 That'd be great.

00:13:34.000 Chicks are going to love that. 1.00

00:13:35.000 The smelling salts you have in the club.

00:13:36.000 Oh, those will do it.

00:13:37.000 Those will do it.

00:13:37.000 I did a terrible prude.

00:13:39.000 But they might fuck you up.

00:13:40.000 You might change lanes.

00:13:41.000 You maybe shouldn't tell this.

00:13:42.000 It might be illegal what you've done.

00:13:43.000 No, it's not illegal.

00:13:45.000 I will say it's a bad prank to do on a girl. 1.00

00:13:47.000 If this was a dude, this is a crazy dangerous prank.

00:13:50.000 If this was a dude, everyone would have been like, dude, great prank.

00:13:53.000 But because I did it to a girl, it was a little bit fucked up.

00:13:56.000 So we were at the mothership last time we were doing our podcast.

00:13:59.000 And our producer, Alex, is a girl.

00:14:02.000 And she's a big pod-ed. 1.00

00:14:03.000 Huge pod-ed.

00:14:04.000 Like, real deal.

00:14:05.000 So, as podcast producers are.

00:14:07.000 Also a mother and a wonderful producer.

00:14:09.000 And a mother, yes.

00:14:10.000 Better producer than mother.

00:14:12.000 No, she's great.

00:14:17.000 They're really particularly strong smelling salts.

00:14:18.000 So then I go, Alex, I was like, this weed is fucking great.

00:14:21.000 Give it a whiff.

00:14:22.000 Then I gave her the smelling salt container.

00:14:24.000 She put her nose in it.

00:14:26.000 Dude, she sniffed so hard.

00:14:28.000 You know how potheads want to smell weed. 0.98

00:14:31.000 She cried.

00:14:32.000 It was a 30-minute problem.

00:14:34.000 She said the word why a lot.

00:14:36.000 Remember Nancy Kerrigan got her slugged out by the fuck? 0.97

00:14:39.000 She's like, why?

00:14:41.000 I sweat black.

00:14:43.000 I flew here to help you produce a show.

00:14:46.000 I felt so bad.

00:14:47.000 You should not do that.

00:14:48.000 It was a bad prank.

00:14:53.000 If that was a dude, is it not just undeniably hilarious?

00:14:55.000 Still pretty brutal.

00:14:56.000 Yeah, if it's a guy, it's funny.

00:14:58.000 Yeah.

00:14:58.000 Funny-er.

00:15:00.000 Yeah, it's funny.

00:15:02.000 It's weird.

00:15:03.000 It wasn't funny.

00:15:04.000 If it's a guy, it's funny.

00:15:05.000 Depend on the guy, you know?

00:15:07.000 Like, if you, you know, if you did it to Dave Attell, it would be mean.

00:15:10.000 No, it'd be funny.

00:15:11.000 You do it to Kurt Metzger, he just starts punching walls.

00:15:14.000 He's just rattled off conspiracy theories.

00:15:16.000 Pretty girls being embarrassed, though, is funny. 0.99

00:15:18.000 Oh, it's hilarious.

00:15:19.000 It is the most evening factor ever.

00:15:21.000 I did a, uh, when I was on tour with the band years ago, Korn did a Jägermeister music tour.

00:15:26.000 They always had the Jäger girls would hang out, and I was on the Jägermeister production bus on this tour, so the girls would all come on there.

00:15:34.000 They would come and hang out and drink for free on the bus.

00:15:36.000 And, you know, tour buses, you're not allowed to shit on a tour bus.

00:15:39.000 And only one of the Yeager girls asked if she could use the bathroom. 0.99

00:15:43.000 It was just in the time we were there.

00:15:44.000 And she went, gorgeous girl.

00:15:46.000 And she came back out and she was sitting down.

00:15:48.000 And then the driver comes to start getting the bus ready to leave.

00:15:51.000 And just, you know, a toothless fucking road dog just comes in the bus.

00:15:56.000 And you go, somebody took a shit.

00:15:58.000 And everybody knew it was this hot chicken fishnets.

00:16:02.000 And I mean, just the thing, she was so beautiful that me, probably my heaviest in my life, I was like, I probably could get her now.

00:16:10.000 She's the shit girl. 1.00

00:16:11.000 No one's seeking her out.

00:16:12.000 and I'll still do it.

00:16:13.000 You can't clean up that good in a fucking...

00:16:22.000 Ever.

00:16:24.000 What about the MTV girl?

00:16:26.000 Why don't they develop a toilet that you can shit on on a bus?

00:16:28.000 Is that beyond our science?

00:16:33.000 I'm sure there's something that can be done.

00:16:34.000 It seems like it should be done.

00:16:36.000 I think they're just being lazy.

00:16:37.000 No shitting on the tour bus.

00:16:38.000 What if you have to take a shit?

00:16:40.000 That's crazy.

00:16:41.000 But if you have to empty it out, that's the problem.

00:16:42.000 I think you can.

00:16:44.000 You can shit on the tour bus, but the person that has to clean the toilet has to now empty out your shit amongst the piss.

00:16:50.000 Like manually with a hose and shit.

00:16:52.000 That's what's crazy.

00:16:53.000 It's some dude's job that he has to deal with.

00:16:55.000 There should be something where you could pull over and those rest stops have a thing that sucks your shit out.

00:17:01.000 Yeah.

00:17:02.000 Like out of the tank.

00:17:03.000 Yeah, that'd be very profitable for them.

00:17:06.000 What are they going to do?

00:17:07.000 They'd have to store you.

00:17:08.000 No, you figure it out.

00:17:09.000 That's the last thing you want to do is be in shit storage.

00:17:12.000 Truck stop, yeah.

00:17:13.000 Truck stop, shit storage.

00:17:14.000 They're sucking my shit out outside.

00:17:16.000 I'm in here buying jerky.

00:17:18.000 Dave Matthews band.

00:17:19.000 That's right.

00:17:22.000 The bus driver let that stuff out over the water.

00:17:27.000 The boat went underneath it.

00:17:28.000 And it splattered the boat with doo-doo from Dave Matthews Band.

00:17:31.000 Didn't you see a thing recently where they show like a cruise ship or something just letting shit out of the front?

00:17:36.000 I don't think that's real.

00:17:38.000 Oh, really?

00:17:39.000 I thought that was real, too.

00:17:40.000 I think that's like dredging.

00:17:42.000 I'll be suckered in a heartbeat by an AI thing.

00:17:45.000 Do you know that super hot down center girl? 1.00

00:17:45.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:17:48.000 That OnlyFans? 0.91

00:17:48.000 Damn. 0.91

00:17:49.000 A.I. Down syndrome girl?

00:17:51.000 Oh, don't I know it.

00:17:52.000 God damn it.

00:17:53.000 Bro, nothing's real anymore.

00:17:54.000 How many videos have you seen?

00:17:55.000 I saw a thing about Trump saying that they were going to genetically engineer raptors and have the fucking troops ride them to protect the border.

00:18:02.000 That's not real.

00:18:03.000 But it's like you see them.

00:18:05.000 They brought back the dire wolf.

00:18:07.000 How could it be done?

00:18:09.000 It's so hard to tell now.

00:18:11.000 Weaponizing dinosaurs would be the funniest thing in the world.

00:18:14.000 Oh, is that fake?

00:18:16.000 It's like a quick series of four or five little fake ones, but they look real, and then they just go like, this isn't real, by the way.

00:18:23.000 I, from the Cedar Grove flood disaster, just kidding, I'm not real.

00:18:30.000 This is Dana Brooks, reporting live from Ocean View Beach.

00:18:36.000 I'm not real.

00:18:36.000 Just kidding.

00:18:38.000 This is Charlotte Reed reporting live from Clearwater Beach, where an unidentified I'm not real.

00:18:46.000 Is she implying the Kraken is real?

00:18:48.000 The Kraken's real.

00:18:50.000 I'm fake.

00:18:51.000 How weird.

00:18:53.000 Listen, eating healthy is hard, like really hard.

00:18:56.000 I mean, you gotta cook, meal plan, grocery shop, on top of all the other shit you have to do.

00:19:01.000 It's tough to truly eat healthy.

00:19:03.000 I mean, most people start their day with coffee, grab some garbage lunch, and if you're lucky, get yourself a decent dinner.

00:19:08.000 And even if you do manage to eat healthy, you're probably still not getting all the nutrients you need.

00:19:14.000 That's just the reality.

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00:19:55.000 Just go to drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan.

00:20:00.000 One scoop a day, your body will thank you.

00:20:02.000 Again, that's drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan.

00:20:06.000 Yeah.

00:20:07.000 It is crazy.

00:20:08.000 I'm starting to think you and Theo Vaughn aren't two babies talking to each other.

00:20:12.000 I watch ads with you all the time.

00:20:14.000 Companies just use your voice in AI.

00:20:15.000 I sent you one at one point where it's just like, I was like, I know this is not Joe glazing this fucking weird company for a 10-minute read.

00:20:25.000 I was like, they really got him to do this, huh?

00:20:27.000 So strange.

00:20:28.000 Do you try to put a stop to that or you just say fuck it?

00:20:28.000 Yeah.

00:20:30.000 Yeah, you try.

00:20:31.000 The guy who made that said it took 25 minutes.

00:20:33.000 Wow.

00:20:34.000 I told a racist street joke on Legion of Skanks 10 years ago, and me saying the N-word has been used in so many memes and little videos.

00:20:44.000 But it's so funny because black people react to it, and it's such a funny street joke that they can't deny it. 1.00

00:20:49.000 It's like an undeniably funny thing, so it's always black people trying to not laugh, and they say it, and I'm like, pfft, that's pretty good. 1.00

00:20:55.000 That's pretty funny.

00:20:55.000 It's a pretty great street joke.

00:20:58.000 Oh, shit.

00:21:00.000 Some words are coming back.

00:21:01.000 That one's not one of them.

00:21:02.000 No.

00:21:03.000 Bro, these ice raids are fucking nuts, man.

00:21:06.000 Watching this protest on television, it's like...

00:21:11.000 All of it's nuts.

00:21:12.000 I think both sides are taking it a little too hard.

00:21:14.000 Well, I don't think if they...

00:21:22.000 And we're going to arrest all the people at Home Depot.

00:21:24.000 We're going to go to construction sites and we're going to just like tackle people at constructions.

00:21:28.000 I don't think anybody would have signed up for that.

00:21:29.000 They said we're going to get rid of the criminals and the gang members first, right?

00:21:34.000 And now we're seeing like Home Depots get raided.

00:21:39.000 That's crazy.

00:21:41.000 Yeah.

00:21:41.000 And then you've got this big protest that's scheduled for the 14th that's literally funded by the lady who owns Walmart.

00:21:50.000 To protest.

00:21:51.000 To protest.

00:21:52.000 It's like no kings.

00:21:54.000 It's like a no kings protest.

00:21:56.000 It's happening all across the country.

00:21:58.000 Yeah, like criminals and rapists and, you know, obviously, but then they go to like a college campus and there's some kid about to graduate.

00:22:03.000 They're like, no, you're out.

00:22:05.000 It's fucked up.

00:22:06.000 Rapists, criminals, slow delivery people, ones that can't dance or play the flamenco guitar.

00:22:13.000 I've got a list.

00:22:15.000 I think it's fucking crazy how violent it's gotten.

00:22:19.000 I don't That's what I mean.

00:22:24.000 But again, I think all these things, 90% of the people that are there are just like, let's rage, motherfucker.

00:22:29.000 Oh, 100%.

00:22:30.000 Also, there's people that are saying they're being paid to protest.

00:22:33.000 Yeah, they're saying they're...

00:22:36.000 Piles of bricks are showing up.

00:22:37.000 Like, you know, there's construction sites around the city.

00:22:39.000 No, no, no, no.

00:22:39.000 That was weird, dude.

00:22:40.000 I was in the city during that time.

00:22:42.000 You were, too, during the pandemic.

00:22:44.000 No, those bricks were just fucking out there.

00:22:45.000 I lived on a police block.

00:22:46.000 I was barricaded in with them.

00:22:48.000 And I felt bad for the black cops.

00:22:50.000 No, one day there was no bricks.

00:22:51.000 And the black cops were like, sorry, man. 0.73

00:22:54.000 I'm not having my hand on his shoulder.

00:22:56.000 I'm like, you're going to be all right.

00:22:57.000 Shoot that motherfucker. 1.00

00:22:58.000 Did you see the video of the cops getting the rocks thrown at him?

00:23:00.000 Oh, yeah.

00:23:01.000 It's crazy.

00:23:02.000 They had to hide under the overpass.

00:23:03.000 They're throwing them at the cops.

00:23:04.000 I mean, you're 100% possibly killing somebody.

00:23:09.000 Yeah, it's attempted murder.

00:23:10.000 You had a fucking cinder block brick onto someone's head from an overpass.

00:23:15.000 They're probably dead.

00:23:17.000 It's a good chance.

00:23:18.000 100%.

00:23:18.000 Good fucking chance, man.

00:23:19.000 I mean, if Lord of the Flies taught us anything.

00:23:21.000 That's how Piggy died.

00:23:22.000 That's who I related to.

00:23:24.000 This kind of shit can escalate.

00:23:26.000 I feel of the Good Son where they push the dummy off the overpass.

00:23:29.000 Oh, yeah.

00:23:30.000 Remember?

00:23:30.000 Make them think they killed somebody.

00:23:32.000 It's pretty wild what's going on, but I mean I don't know like I said everybody running out of like Louis Vuitton with a bunch of like You've seen that?

00:23:40.000 Oh, yeah.

00:23:41.000 Oh, that's happening, too?

00:23:42.000 Yeah.

00:23:43.000 Oh, they're looting.

00:23:44.000 I didn't know they were looting, too.

00:23:45.000 Parkour.

00:23:46.000 Which, if I was a 19-year-old kid, I would be out there looting, unquestionably.

00:23:46.000 And I said it's funny.

00:23:50.000 Well, as soon as lawlessness happens, people take advantage.

00:23:53.000 That's always going to be the case, right?

00:23:56.000 I mean, these cops are just standing, though, under nonstop graffiti.

00:23:59.000 It's like, murder all cops.

00:24:01.000 It's like sitting there, it's like, and the people are To the cops like why don't you do the right thing and not shoot me with a rubber bullet Well, you know what the problem is the problem is there's cops that just shoot people with rubber bullets for no reason Did you see that lady, that Australian reporter that got shot?

00:24:21.000 Did you see that video?

00:24:22.000 It's pretty hilarious.

00:24:23.000 It's nuts.

00:24:24.000 Because you see the guy do it.

00:24:26.000 You see the cop.

00:24:27.000 Just look at her while she's talking. 0.96

00:24:29.000 She's clearly not a criminal. 0.95

00:24:30.000 She's just reporting the news.

00:24:31.000 And he fucking shoots her in the leg with a rubber bullet.

00:24:33.000 The leg's hilarious.

00:24:35.000 It's really good stuff.

00:24:36.000 That's funnier than making my producer smell smelling salts.

00:24:36.000 Let's watch this.

00:24:39.000 Dude, it's a real dance bitch moment. 1.00

00:24:41.000 Dance bitch. 1.00

00:24:41.000 It's crazy. 1.00

00:24:43.000 I mean, I can't believe that he would do this.

00:24:47.000 This is the chick? 0.95

00:24:48.000 Go full screen, please.

00:24:51.000 Watch this.

00:24:52.000 This is nuts.

00:24:57.000 protesters moving them on through the heart of the she's got the shitty australian accent though Dance, bitch. 1.00

00:25:09.000 Bro.

00:25:10.000 They just shot a reporter.

00:25:12.000 Like, look, that guy just points and says, fuck this lady. 1.00

00:25:16.000 It's going to be good promotional for her 2,000-person gangbang she's doing on OnlyFans this summer. 1.00

00:25:21.000 I mean, what is that?

00:25:23.000 Do you want to know why people get angry at cops?

00:25:26.000 It's shit like that.

00:25:27.000 I would say you shoot a white woman every couple minutes and everyone starts going, oh, they're shooting everybody. 0.64

00:25:32.000 Is that a thing where you're kicking everybody out of the street and the press thinks they don't have to listen?

00:25:38.000 For sure.

00:25:38.000 So you don't want to listen.

00:25:39.000 You're tired of this shit, and you decide to shoot her in the leg? 0.99

00:25:42.000 Which is fucking insane.

00:25:44.000 That's so insane.

00:25:45.000 You don't yell, lady, get out of the fucking street. 1.00

00:25:48.000 You're a shooter.

00:25:50.000 This one happened too.

00:25:50.000 After this minute goes down, this guy ends up shooting him at close range.

00:25:54.000 What is this about?

00:25:55.000 40 millimeter.

00:25:56.000 Hey! 0.99

00:25:57.000 Yeah, I'm not going anywhere.

00:25:58.000 What's your badge number?

00:26:00.000 That's okay.

00:26:00.000 I'm going to phone with you right now, because you're taking up my phone.

00:26:05.000 Whoa.

00:26:06.000 I'm gonna pop you right now because you're taking up my focus?

00:26:09.000 Look, it's not okay.

00:26:10.000 It's not okay.

00:26:11.000 But I will say, I grew up at a time where if you talk shit to cops, nobody had camera phones or anything, a cop would just fuck you up.

00:26:17.000 And there's something hilarious about that cop just shooting that guy in the dick.

00:26:21.000 There's a thing about them rubber bullets.

00:26:23.000 Like, you're shooting somebody, but you're not shooting them.

00:26:25.000 Right.

00:26:26.000 You're kind of half shooting them.

00:26:27.000 Yeah.

00:26:27.000 Right?

00:26:28.000 But you are like, fuck.

00:26:29.000 What you want to do is shoot them.

00:26:31.000 And you're not allowed to.

00:26:32.000 It's against the law.

00:26:33.000 And it's not right.

00:26:34.000 So you shoot them with a rubber bullet.

00:26:36.000 And it's not right.

00:26:37.000 But you can shoot people when you really shouldn't be shooting them with a rubber bullet.

00:26:41.000 I feel like getting shot in the dick with a rubber bullet could have irreparable damages.

00:26:45.000 100%.

00:26:45.000 People have lost eyeballs, bro.

00:26:47.000 20, this guy had to have portions of his gym.

00:26:49.000 I do have a hard time feeling...

00:26:52.000 It says there.

00:26:52.000 Say that again?

00:26:53.000 He later had to have surgery to reattach portions of his genitalia.

00:26:57.000 Portions?

00:26:58.000 What are they, serving it?

00:26:59.000 How big is this guy's dick?

00:27:00.000 What kind of a dick does this guy have?

00:27:02.000 I wish my dick could be cut up into portions.

00:27:04.000 How weird is that?

00:27:05.000 He just knocked out the middle.

00:27:07.000 Which one you having for breakfast?

00:27:09.000 If he broke the middle off, I'd be like, can you give me a longer middle?

00:27:09.000 Oh, man.

00:27:13.000 Can you put a longer middle back on?

00:27:15.000 I get extension.

00:27:17.000 I don't care if it's a different color.

00:27:18.000 Just try to match it as best you can.

00:27:19.000 All this gene editing.

00:27:20.000 How far away are we from big dicks? 0.91

00:27:23.000 Oh, you think it'd be the first thing?

00:27:24.000 I wouldn't think they'd have been working that out.

00:27:26.000 Depends who comes up with the science.

00:27:27.000 If the Asians come up with the science, that's first thing. 1.00

00:27:29.000 Well, they have the science with the genetic engineering.

00:27:32.000 Oh, so you're saying before your baby's inborn, you'd be like, hey, also, I want my son to have a huge fucking dick.

00:27:37.000 Big dick.

00:27:37.000 That's a weird conversation to have.

00:27:39.000 I'm thinking monster cock.

00:27:41.000 If you just let your kid have a regular dick and all his friends have giant dicks, that'd be a real problem.

00:27:46.000 Your kid would be so upset.

00:27:47.000 You mean you could have given me a giant dick as well, Dad?

00:27:50.000 Oh, I wanted people to like you for you.

00:27:51.000 I needed money for bowling.

00:27:53.000 I'll be upstairs jerking off with three fingers if anyone needs me alone with no friends.

00:27:53.000 Oh, great.

00:27:57.000 I just remember being like 12 being like, when is it going to grow?

00:28:00.000 Like, when's it going to get big?

00:28:02.000 And it just never really did.

00:28:04.000 You just kept having that conversation with yourself?

00:28:06.000 Yeah.

00:28:07.000 Up until I was a full-fledged adult.

00:28:07.000 Come on, bud.

00:28:09.000 Come on, bud.

00:28:10.000 Now's the time.

00:28:11.000 It's a sketch on Segura's new show.

00:28:13.000 That's a funny show.

00:28:14.000 Very funny, yeah.

00:28:16.000 Fucking funny show, man.

00:28:17.000 The Hitman one was hilarious.

00:28:19.000 Yeah.

00:28:19.000 I thought the video game where you play with aliens raping humans.

00:28:24.000 He said it wasn't about the guy, and part two was called Evan's Revenge.

00:28:31.000 Jamie, speaking of UFOs, did you see Lou Elizondo, these photos that are supposedly of a real alien?

00:28:37.000 Oh, here we go.

00:28:39.000 Bro, it's so dumb.

00:28:40.000 The photos look blurry.

00:28:42.000 Of the photos of the dead alien.

00:28:44.000 Like, you can't even zoom in on that.

00:28:46.000 You can't even fucking focus.

00:28:48.000 Look at these.

00:28:48.000 Yeah, that thing.

00:28:49.000 Look at that.

00:28:50.000 What is that?

00:28:51.000 What's that?

00:28:52.000 What is that?

00:28:54.000 How about better pictures?

00:28:56.000 This is crazy.

00:28:57.000 These are the only pictures.

00:28:58.000 Is this from the 40s?

00:29:00.000 Like, what's this picture from?

00:29:02.000 What is this?

00:29:04.000 Oh, people want to believe.

00:29:05.000 Bro, so bad.

00:29:06.000 Me too.

00:29:07.000 I'm like, maybe.

00:29:08.000 Maybe the bottom ones.

00:29:09.000 It was funny.

00:29:10.000 Somebody asked me, you know, Sean Donnelly and Dan St. Germain have a podcast now about Oh really?

00:29:19.000 And they both really believe it and they were like, what would it take for you to believe, Jay?

00:29:22.000 Irrefutable evidence?

00:29:24.000 I have to shake hands with an alien.

00:29:26.000 The one thing I've never seen?

00:29:27.000 Irrefutable evidence?

00:29:28.000 There's a lot of shenanigans going on for sure.

00:29:30.000 On the back of one of those photos.

00:29:32.000 Oh, it's 1993.

00:29:34.000 Alien hybrid child born to a 15-year-old girl, subject of ET genetic experiment, under chin, neck, and upper torso view.

00:29:46.000 Right.

00:29:47.000 Yeah.

00:29:48.000 Yeah.

00:29:49.000 Okay, so that's under chin.

00:29:52.000 And then what's the other photo?

00:29:54.000 It's the same.

00:29:54.000 It's just the same.

00:29:55.000 It's just one photo.

00:29:56.000 Wasn't there another one?

00:29:57.000 It seems like there's two photos.

00:29:58.000 That's just with this particular one.

00:30:00.000 But at the top, yeah, the one on the bottom.

00:30:02.000 What's that one on the bottom?

00:30:03.000 That one on the bottom seems a little, like, turned to the side, right?

00:30:06.000 Is that the eyeball, supposedly?

00:30:08.000 What are those babies called that are born like that? 0.96

00:30:11.000 Oh, Harlequin babies?

00:30:12.000 Yeah.

00:30:13.000 It could be anything, man.

00:30:14.000 I mean, it might not even be human.

00:30:16.000 I mean, it might not even be, you know, who fucking knows?

00:30:20.000 Do you think, I mean, like, someone like Donald Trump can hold in the information?

00:30:23.000 I don't think they tell him.

00:30:25.000 I don't think he can.

00:30:27.000 He's playing golf.

00:30:28.000 But who can sit on that information if you know that?

00:30:30.000 Wouldn't it be terrifying to, you know, almost that, to play?

00:30:34.000 Someone who knows about aliens existing, you think also breaks off and plays golf and decides what they want to have for dinner tonight?

00:30:41.000 100%.

00:30:42.000 Really?

00:30:42.000 Yeah.

00:30:43.000 It's like finding out vampires exist.

00:30:45.000 It would change everything.

00:30:46.000 I think it's a fun way to have information that you don't give to the rest of the world and if you're the head of a It'd be probably pretty cool to know some shit that other people don't know and not tell anybody and still go to brunch.

00:31:04.000 But how are you not so consumed that you go, Hey, you want to start a new Netflix series tonight?

00:31:09.000 Like, it just seems like you'd be...

00:31:11.000 It's the same way I don't believe people have, like, speaking of the dead powers or psychic powers.

00:31:16.000 I'm like, you'd be...

00:31:18.000 It's never like, "Oh, what is that?

00:31:19.000 Tell your loved one that you miss them terribly?

00:31:22.000 They miss you terribly." I'm actually, you guys went to McDonald's?

00:31:25.000 I'll treat myself to something.

00:31:26.000 Like, how does your mind go anywhere else but, like, I speak to the dead?

00:31:30.000 That would be consuming.

00:31:31.000 I would never sleep.

00:31:32.000 It's supernatural.

00:31:33.000 All day talking to somebody about the war of 1776.

00:31:36.000 You'd just go nuts.

00:31:37.000 It's just not what they're doing.

00:31:38.000 There was a video on You'd just tune in to any time and talk to some Civil War soldiers.

00:31:43.000 You don't go pick out a new pair of sneakers while that's going on.

00:31:46.000 I didn't use sneakers, I think.

00:31:47.000 Did you see that video where it was like somebody...

00:31:57.000 And it's like these like floating, Monsters, sort of.

00:31:57.000 Oh my God.

00:32:01.000 Yeah, but they're, like, translucent.

00:32:03.000 And it's, like, just all these voices whispering.

00:32:05.000 It's like, if that's how it really is to have schizophrenia, I mean, I couldn't make it a day.

00:32:10.000 Yeah.

00:32:11.000 I think it varies, like, a lot of different neurological conditions, right?

00:32:15.000 I think, you know, there's extreme versions of it.

00:32:17.000 And some people have, like, mild schizophrenia, which is really weird.

00:32:21.000 Well, I've been impressed.

00:32:24.000 I have someone close to me in my life that's had mania, where they go, like, manic.

00:32:28.000 Mm-hmm.

00:32:28.000 And I've only seen it twice.

00:32:30.000 It's Hulk Hogan.

00:32:31.000 I've only seen it twice, but I mean, I'm blown away by how much your brain can change functionality in a day, in a day's difference, being like, everything's changing.

00:32:41.000 You know, they're saying things that they've never said before, and believing it, and being like, you know what I mean?

00:32:45.000 It's very strange.

00:32:46.000 Well, if you think about your body.

00:32:49.000 Yeah, it is scary.

00:32:49.000 But if you think about your body as a whole, things go wrong in your body.

00:32:53.000 Well, things go wrong in your brain, too.

00:32:55.000 It's like, you know, you can't blame someone for having liver cancer, right?

00:32:58.000 Sometimes people just get weird diseases, you know?

00:33:00.000 And the mental thing is a weird one, man.

00:33:03.000 Because there's people that it's just like something isn't clicking.

00:33:07.000 It's just not working right, you know?

00:33:10.000 And they don't know what to do.

00:33:11.000 And they're out there in the world, and they're trying a bunch of different medications on them, and they don't know what to do.

00:33:16.000 So you can't be mad at Kurt Metzger.

00:33:18.000 It's not his fault.

00:33:19.000 I couldn't imagine.

00:33:21.000 This is what I always try to imagine.

00:33:27.000 What's it like to be Metzger?

00:33:27.000 Like, what is it like?

00:33:29.000 What's it like to be filled with conspiracies?

00:33:31.000 Just know so much about, like, secret societies.

00:33:35.000 And nobody believes you.

00:33:37.000 Yeah, and nobody believes you.

00:33:38.000 And everyone's kind of like, hey, man, we're just trying to smoke a joint in the green room.

00:33:41.000 Bro, he hovers.

00:33:42.000 He hovers over you like a gargoyle.

00:33:44.000 He's a goon.

00:33:45.000 He's this giant dude, and he hovers over you.

00:33:48.000 Oh, you didn't know?

00:33:49.000 Oh, you didn't know?

00:33:49.000 I haven't seen him.

00:33:50.000 Last time I was out in L.A. when he's still living.

00:33:52.000 He lived in LA.

00:33:53.000 He came over to the Airbnb.

00:33:54.000 I haven't seen Kurt always in months and months between when I get to see him.

00:33:59.000 He's one of my oldest, closest friends in comedy.

00:34:01.000 He's my daughter's godfather.

00:34:03.000 Very close to him.

00:34:04.000 Which is a crazy choice.

00:34:06.000 That's on Jay.

00:34:07.000 It was a strange choice, but he's a good godfather.

00:34:10.000 He's great.

00:34:10.000 He's a great guy.

00:34:12.000 Him and my daughter have a great relationship.

00:34:13.000 It's fantastic.

00:34:14.000 But he is a whacker, for sure.

00:34:16.000 And he came in to the house.

00:34:19.000 I was like, My man, it's good to see you.

00:34:21.000 And he goes, you know the P. Diddy thing is real, and that's why Usher, that audio of him fucking that guy was real, and he got Usher first, and that's why Usher, remember when Usher was gone for a year because he had to get his asshole sewn back together?

00:34:35.000 What?

00:34:38.000 He just rattles them off, too, and then he'll go to Libya.

00:34:41.000 All of a sudden, you're talking about Libya.

00:34:43.000 Remember the thing with Gaddafi?

00:34:43.000 Gaddafi!

00:34:52.000 He has this, every sentence is a new text.

00:34:54.000 You're just getting, like, it just seems manic.

00:34:57.000 Full on.

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00:36:17.000 That's betterhelp.com /jre.

00:36:22.000 That's great.

00:36:23.000 That's undone.

00:36:24.000 And then after like an hour, you get back to be like, "Cool." He does it to everybody.

00:36:29.000 When he came over, so we had a pool at the Airbnb we were at, and at one point I realized, they go, oh, no, he's had Bobby Kelly in the corner for a while.

00:36:36.000 And then Bobby Kelly, Kirk goes inside, and Bobby swims over, and he goes, He goes, I guess Kurt told me those Jew lasers actually are pretty real. 0.94

00:36:47.000 What's going on with them?

00:36:48.000 He just corners you.

00:36:50.000 He just corners you.

00:36:51.000 I love it.

00:36:52.000 I can listen to him all day long.

00:36:53.000 He's the best podcast guest.

00:36:55.000 He's the best podcast guest.

00:36:57.000 You just have to reign him in.

00:37:00.000 Tell it to Owen Benjamin.

00:37:02.000 That was a fun one.

00:37:03.000 Take him in this direction.

00:37:05.000 It just never stops coming out of his mouth.

00:37:05.000 Go in this direction.

00:37:08.000 He's a joke writing.

00:37:10.000 He's a genius.

00:37:12.000 I say his day-to-day personality is genuinely I always describe Kurt.

00:37:16.000 He's the first person I see that price of genius Where it's like he's so great at being funny and his mind works such a thing, but his brain when you're not talking to him Maybe even when you're talking to him is just like It's like a division sign.

00:37:30.000 It's just formulas.

00:37:32.000 Just formulas.

00:37:32.000 Like that meme.

00:37:35.000 100%.

00:37:35.000 That's how I feel like when I'm talking to Elon.

00:37:37.000 Same thing.

00:37:38.000 You can tell there's numbers running in his background and shit going on.

00:37:42.000 And he's trying to figure something out while you're talking.

00:37:44.000 Yeah, I mean, he's clearly on the spectrum.

00:37:47.000 You know, I mean, that's...

00:37:55.000 Where's your time coming from?

00:37:57.000 And you're playing Diablo?

00:37:58.000 Really?

00:38:00.000 I couldn't imagine being that rich and ever opening Twitter.

00:38:04.000 I'm just definitely above tweeting.

00:38:07.000 I think really rich guys, one thing that happens if you're really rich and people are stopping you from communicating and you get pissed off and you think, well, fuck it, I can just buy Twitter.

00:38:18.000 Nobody would do that normally.

00:38:20.000 You need a wild person like Elon to do that.

00:38:23.000 That's a wild move.

00:38:24.000 I'll just buy Twitter and then pay them way more than it's worth.

00:38:27.000 And then everybody says you're a terrible businessman because your company lost $20 billion in value in the first year.

00:38:33.000 But it's like, no, it wasn't worth $44 billion.

00:38:36.000 He paid $44 billion for it because he wanted it.

00:38:39.000 It wasn't worth that.

00:38:40.000 How was it worth that?

00:38:42.000 And then we found out a ton of shit, man, that we wouldn't have found out about censorship.

00:38:48.000 What's directing it?

00:38:50.000 What's keeping us at each other's throats?

00:38:52.000 You're saying almost just in the basic level of someone his age doing the same action that a girl flopping on her bed on her tummy and kicking her knees up.

00:39:02.000 Whatever.

00:39:03.000 Trump's stupid.

00:39:04.000 He's on the list.

00:39:05.000 You made it.

00:39:08.000 You don't need to prove anything else.

00:39:10.000 Let him find out in the newspapers.

00:39:10.000 You made it.

00:39:13.000 It's not a good look.

00:39:14.000 I mean, if I had...

00:39:16.000 If I just simply...

00:39:18.000 I mean, if I double my net worth, Much less Elon money.

00:39:26.000 That's insane.

00:39:27.000 I think you're aware, when you have a lot of money, of how many different entities are manipulating society.

00:39:34.000 I think that becomes an issue.

00:39:36.000 And if you can do something about it, and you feel compelled to do something about it, you're literally one of the only people that can.

00:39:42.000 Do you think that he did do something about it?

00:39:43.000 He definitely did when he bought Twitter.

00:39:45.000 Twitter changed.

00:39:46.000 He definitely did with Doge, just exposing some of the wild shit.

00:39:51.000 Like, billions of dollars that's gone to who knows where with no receipts.

00:39:56.000 But did they even do anything about it, really?

00:39:58.000 Or did he just expose it and people talk about it for a week?

00:40:00.000 anything about the money that's gone.

00:40:02.000 I mean, unless...

00:40:10.000 They're not going to do that because they want to make sure that that doesn't happen to them.

00:40:14.000 And they're just going to keep spending insane amounts of money.

00:40:17.000 I feel like they're still spending.

00:40:18.000 They were like, hey, this is happening, but it's still going to continue to happen for the rest of your lives.

00:40:21.000 Well, here's the thing.

00:40:22.000 If it's been funding the Democrat machine for this whole time, which is what guys like Mike Benz allege, it's a little over my head to really explain, but essentially we're saying that the...

00:40:35.000 You want to know how many NGOs there are?

00:40:37.000 There is one NGO in India for every 600 people.

00:40:42.000 I don't know what an NGO is.

00:40:44.000 Idiot.

00:40:45.000 What a fucking idiot, dude.

00:40:47.000 Non-government organization.

00:40:47.000 Just so you know.

00:40:48.000 Yeah, no.

00:40:49.000 Tell it to him.

00:40:50.000 Sorry.

00:40:51.000 Non-governmental organization.

00:40:52.000 It's just a non-profit.

00:40:54.000 So it's a non-profit that's funded by the government.

00:40:56.000 It's real weird stuff, man, when you find out about it.

00:40:59.000 Just a future reference if you can make all your acronyms just to say the whole word out so Lewis gets it.

00:41:03.000 Stupid idiot.

00:41:04.000 I should assume that no one knows about that.

00:41:06.000 All right.

00:41:07.000 Come on.

00:41:07.000 You do, but I should assume, because I didn't know about it until I started talking to Mike Benz about it.

00:41:12.000 I was like, wait, what?

00:41:13.000 Like, how much money?

00:41:14.000 And when you find out where the money was going and what it was doing, it's like, he said it's all for stuff that's too dirty for the CIA.

00:41:20.000 I was like, Jesus Christ.

00:41:21.000 And he lays it out in, like, hours-long presentation and explains how it's all, what's the root of it all, and it's like, it's really spooky stuff, because you realize, like, how corrupt our society actually truly is.

00:41:33.000 Do you enjoy having the burden of information?

00:41:35.000 No, I fucking hate it.

00:41:37.000 Why?

00:41:37.000 Like, where does your...

00:41:39.000 Where does your...

00:41:45.000 That's all it is.

00:41:47.000 I'm not politically aligned with either the left or the right.

00:41:50.000 I believe in a lot of shit that the left believes in.

00:41:53.000 And I believe in a lot of shit that the right believes in.

00:41:55.000 I just don't believe in any of the shit that the extremists on either side believe in.

00:41:59.000 That's the problem.

00:42:00.000 Yeah.

00:42:01.000 This is.

00:42:02.000 Yeah, when you're fucking, Like, what are we doing?

00:42:09.000 Like, you want everybody out?

00:42:11.000 I feel like once you get in, let's take a test.

00:42:16.000 You know, like, are you the type of guy that shows up at work?

00:42:20.000 Are you the type of guy that respects America?

00:42:22.000 Do you like being here?

00:42:23.000 Is it too easy to get in, though?

00:42:25.000 You had a great analogy about the movie theater.

00:42:27.000 My movie theater analogy is killer.

00:42:29.000 It's a great analogy.

00:42:30.000 I said I've snuck into a movie before, sit in an empty seat that no one's taken.

00:42:35.000 It's not even taking up any kind of space.

00:42:37.000 If they come in and go, hey, where's your ticket?

00:42:40.000 I go, I don't have one.

00:42:42.000 They go, you have to go.

00:42:44.000 You gotta go, man.

00:42:45.000 You can't be like, ah, dude, I've already watched an hour of it.

00:42:49.000 So what?

00:42:50.000 And I feel like you should let them finish the movie.

00:42:53.000 I'm just saying my point.

00:42:54.000 I'm not even saying you shouldn't let...

00:42:55.000 I'm saying it's discretion to let them finish the movie or not.

00:42:57.000 I'm just making the point to be like...

00:43:02.000 This movie theater was built on my people's land.

00:43:05.000 To me, it's just like a weird reaction to getting caught being like, well, but I've already been here.

00:43:11.000 It's like, I've gotten away with it for so long.

00:43:13.000 Yeah, it's kind of funny.

00:43:14.000 If you steal someone's stuff, and they find it 20 years later, you go, "Well, it's been mine for 20 years!" But also, I totally agree with you.

00:43:21.000 And it's a funny joke.

00:43:22.000 But also, if you're living in Mexico, and you're a young person, and you figure out a way to sneak across the border, you get gainfully employed in the United States, you start doing well, you're involved in a business, you start raising a family, but there's no real path to citizenship, because you snuck in. 0.98

00:43:38.000 But you've actually become integrated in society, and you're part of the American dream.

00:43:43.000 Sure.

00:43:43.000 It's just there's no path if you're dirt poor.

00:43:45.000 That's the problem.

00:43:46.000 See, if you're living in Denmark and you're white and you got a You've got to jump through hoops, though. 1.00

00:43:54.000 You've got to meet with the guy every six months or whatever it is.

00:43:56.000 You've got to fill out the paperwork.

00:43:58.000 But if you're walking here from Mexico, you know, there's no clear path to citizenship.

00:44:04.000 You've got to marry a fat white woman. 1.00

00:44:06.000 That's the path.

00:44:08.000 Find a desperado.

00:44:10.000 Yeah.

00:44:10.000 I mean, there's no clear path.

00:44:12.000 And especially if you're integrated into, like...

00:44:20.000 He was Danish.

00:44:21.000 He was Dutch.

00:44:23.000 He came from Mexico.

00:44:24.000 He walked across from Mexico.

00:44:27.000 He lived in these communities like he took me to the they had chicken fights in their communities And this dude had just roosters stacked up everywhere like there was like a hundred roosters in this guy's backyard Not my landscaper, but his friend.

00:44:40.000 He took me to his friends place They would barbecue a goat and cook root and there wasn't a English-speaking sign for blocks And I was like fucking paid him more so That was not my point.

00:44:54.000 My point is like completely integrated societies that are a part of LA that are fully Mexican you know and but it functions it works like going in and raiding those people and putting them in jail because They've integrated into society in an illegal way. 0.97

00:45:13.000 It seems stupid.

00:45:14.000 And then it's all the people that are going, it's like, is my tax dollars?

00:45:16.000 Like, guys, the amount of bullshit that our tax dollars goes to, that should be a priority over getting a fucking Mexican dad out of the country. 1.00

00:45:26.000 Well, here's the problem.

00:45:27.000 The problem is, if they're illegal, right?

00:45:30.000 Which is what everybody wants to keep it that way.

00:45:32.000 whatever you let them vote and this if they're illegal And this is where it's dark.

00:45:39.000 This is the dark secret of why people want cheap labor in this country.

00:45:43.000 Because there's a lot of people that don't pay people what they're supposed to be getting paid.

00:45:46.000 It's non-union.

00:45:47.000 They're illegal.

00:45:49.000 Everyone knows.

00:45:50.000 And they want cheap labor.

00:45:52.000 cheap, dependable, reliable labor.

00:45:56.000 Tim Dillon was talking to me about this a long time ago because, you know, he used to be a real estate guy.

00:46:00.000 Like, he understands, like, the dynamics of it all.

00:46:02.000 Like, that is a big part of what they want, why they're bringing people in.

00:46:05.000 But the reality is, yeah, you should just pay people more money.

00:46:10.000 You should make less money.

00:46:11.000 You should pay them more money.

00:46:12.000 You should pay them enough money so they can live.

00:46:14.000 Like, just to try to have a giant business that pays people the least amount possible is kind of crazy.

00:46:21.000 That's most businesses.

00:46:22.000 I know, but that's kind of crazy.

00:46:23.000 It's kind of a crazy thing to do.

00:46:25.000 It's very interesting.

00:46:25.000 My ex-wife, both her parents are immigrants, and you'd be surprised how not sad they feel for people being kicked out.

00:46:35.000 I think they have a very like if...

00:46:38.000 Like we had to figure out how to do it legally.

00:46:45.000 Yeah, I ought to take the shot.

00:46:47.000 You know?

00:46:47.000 Like, why don't you take the shot?

00:46:49.000 I ought to take the shot.

00:46:49.000 Shit, I didn't have to.

00:46:50.000 I sought it out so hard.

00:46:52.000 Did you?

00:46:52.000 Yeah, Jay was paranoid.

00:46:53.000 Oh, you were so scared?

00:46:54.000 You were certain I was dying.

00:46:55.000 Yeah, a lot of people got scared.

00:46:57.000 Yeah, I took it.

00:46:58.000 They scared the fuck out of us.

00:46:59.000 I took it and I faked the second one, the booster.

00:47:02.000 Because I realized that there's no way to...

00:47:05.000 It's a card.

00:47:05.000 with like some random name on it.

00:47:08.000 It was like, I was like, there's no way they're actually My daughter made one on her phone to go into a cheesecake factory.

00:47:14.000 It's pretty impressive.

00:47:17.000 They're going to absolve you of that crime.

00:47:18.000 It'll be in the future.

00:47:19.000 It'll be like when all the people that dodged the draft, they exonerated it.

00:47:24.000 Oh, wait, did I just admit to a crime on this podcast?

00:47:26.000 I didn't do that.

00:47:26.000 They were saying they were going to prosecute people.

00:47:28.000 I remember saying that there was people that were saying, if you try to use a fake vaccination card, we're going to prosecute you.

00:47:34.000 Like...

00:47:38.000 That doesn't actually happen.

00:47:39.000 Yeah, but that's way crazier than that, because that's like, this whole thing is nuts.

00:47:44.000 Like, you're telling people they have to do this to get on an airplane, and it doesn't even work.

00:47:47.000 Have you ever had the Thailand's wraps at Cheesecake Factory?

00:47:49.000 They're great.

00:47:50.000 I'll risk it.

00:47:51.000 Do they come to you for, have you ever done jury duty?

00:47:55.000 I haven't done it, no.

00:47:56.000 Like, that's, if Joe Rogan showed up to do jury duty, it'd be wild.

00:48:01.000 Are you familiar with this case?

00:48:03.000 I'm familiar with everything.

00:48:06.000 I'm a little familiar with everything.

00:48:09.000 Mildly.

00:48:09.000 Yeah.

00:48:10.000 I think I interviewed the defendant and the plaintiff.

00:48:13.000 I've never done jury duty either.

00:48:14.000 I haven't gotten a notification in years and years and years, but I would just ignore them back in the day.

00:48:18.000 I just ducked one recently.

00:48:20.000 Pretty hard.

00:48:21.000 You died.

00:48:22.000 I just flat out moved.

00:48:23.000 Tim Dillon was just talking about it on the Spicy Wings show.

00:48:27.000 Hot Ones.

00:48:28.000 Hot Ones.

00:48:28.000 Tim was talking about how he did for a murder trial.

00:48:31.000 Really?

00:48:32.000 Yeah, the guy was a fucking murderer.

00:48:33.000 He did it recently?

00:48:34.000 Yeah, he was talking about it recently.

00:48:36.000 It was a long time ago, but he did jury duty, and he was like joking around with the defendant.

00:48:43.000 See, if I was guaranteed that, I'd go show up.

00:48:47.000 It's just what you're gonna get is like a tax something or a business argument or some kind of shit, and that's boring as hell.

00:48:54.000 Now you have to pretend to be racist to get out of it.

00:48:56.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:48:57.000 You've got schizophrenia.

00:48:58.000 I hate...

00:49:01.000 Watkins?

00:49:03.000 I hate black people. 1.00

00:49:05.000 It's Jeremiah Watkins.

00:49:07.000 I'm a little too opinionated.

00:49:09.000 I mean, that's what I'd say.

00:49:12.000 The only time ever I showed up, I was wearing jean shorts, and they said you can't wear shorts to...

00:49:20.000 They go, you'll go back into the pool and just go home.

00:49:22.000 They sent me home.

00:49:23.000 They sent him into a pool because he was wearing shorts.

00:49:26.000 Nice shorts, idiot.

00:49:27.000 Get in the pool.

00:49:28.000 You can't offend people with your wardrobe at this place of the law.

00:49:31.000 I guess so.

00:49:32.000 When did they stop wearing the wigs and the fucking crazy, crazy like...

00:49:39.000 Did they stop wearing those?

00:49:40.000 I think so.

00:49:41.000 They don't wear the wigs anymore, right?

00:49:42.000 When we first came from...

00:49:44.000 Oh, like Pilgrim Court?

00:49:46.000 Okay.

00:49:49.000 What the fuck is stupid is that everybody had wigs They still have it in England.

00:49:53.000 To this day.

00:49:54.000 The judges still wear it.

00:49:56.000 And Jewish women. 0.97

00:49:56.000 It's crazy. 0.97

00:49:57.000 Religious Jewish women.

00:49:58.000 You know where it came from?

00:49:59.000 And any black woman. 0.98

00:50:00.000 Came from syphilis.

00:50:02.000 The wigs?

00:50:03.000 Yeah.

00:50:04.000 How so?

00:50:05.000 So the story's a little complicated.

00:50:09.000 This may or may not have been exactly how it happened, but it seems like when explorers came to North America, they contracted syphilis from the natives and then brought it back to Europe.

00:50:22.000 And then a lot of people were getting syphilis.

00:50:25.000 These people were freaks.

00:50:25.000 They're all fucking each other.

00:50:26.000 And they were losing their hair and getting big holes in their face and shit.

00:50:30.000 Like, syphilis is crazy.

00:50:31.000 It, like, rots your head away.

00:50:32.000 And so they started wearing wigs because they had, like, big scabby holes in their head.

00:50:37.000 Like, literally.

00:50:38.000 Horrific shit and the more wealthy you were the bigger the wig. 1.00

00:50:42.000 So that was like big wigs.

00:50:44.000 That's what the term big wigs come from. 1.00

00:50:46.000 It comes from these freaks that all had syphilis that were all banging each other. 0.97

00:50:50.000 And if you have money, you're fucking just getting pussy left and right. 1.00

00:50:52.000 So there was these two guys that were royals and they started it all.

00:50:52.000 Yeah.

00:50:58.000 They started wearing the wigs when they got syphilis.

00:51:01.000 Wow.

00:51:01.000 That's crazy.

00:51:02.000 Nuts.

00:51:03.000 So I guess it all dials back.

00:51:05.000 Still, it's not the white man's fault.

00:51:06.000 He's dirty-ass Indians. 1.00

00:51:08.000 He's dirty Indian sluts. 1.00

00:51:10.000 It has to be why they wear wigs in court.

00:51:12.000 It has to be, right?

00:51:14.000 Like, it has to be, like, a proper thing, like wearing a tie or something.

00:51:17.000 Like, a gentleman wears a wig.

00:51:19.000 I should start wearing a wig.

00:51:20.000 How fun would that be?

00:51:21.000 A powdered wig.

00:51:22.000 I thought about getting a toupee recently just to be funny and just show up with like a really high quality toupee.

00:51:28.000 Jamar does that.

00:51:29.000 Yeah, I know.

00:51:30.000 He wears a mohawk.

00:51:31.000 Clues into his head.

00:51:32.000 You should get a hair system, not a toupee.

00:51:34.000 No, dude.

00:51:35.000 I'm not going to another country to get my fucking ass hair as a plant.

00:51:37.000 No, no, no.

00:51:38.000 It's just a system.

00:51:38.000 Not an implant.

00:51:40.000 like more permanent toupee.

00:51:42.000 It really looks Dude, I saw a video today where this doctor was talking, and a doctor that I know And then a couple months later, like, my stomach's bothering me.

00:52:01.000 And the doctor's like, oh, let's check out what's going on with your stomach.

00:52:04.000 How long have you only had one kidney?

00:52:06.000 And she's like, I have two kidneys. 0.93

00:52:08.000 He goes, no, you have one kidney.

00:52:10.000 And then contacts the other two girls that were on the trip. 0.74

00:52:12.000 They all come in and get examined.

00:52:14.000 They're all missing a kidney as well.

00:52:15.000 So they went down to Turkey to get a bypass, a gastric bypass, and they stole their fucking kidneys. 0.89

00:52:21.000 Brilliant.

00:52:22.000 Yo.

00:52:23.000 Not bad.

00:52:24.000 Brilliant, Mo.

00:52:25.000 Out there stealing body parts.

00:52:27.000 You only have one kidney.

00:52:28.000 That's crazy.

00:52:31.000 I mean, that's better.

00:52:32.000 Did they also get the gastric bypass, though?

00:52:35.000 But I think they paid for it.

00:52:35.000 They did.

00:52:38.000 What if it cost a kidney to get gastric bypass?

00:52:40.000 There's fat people that would do that. 0.94

00:52:42.000 Right.

00:52:42.000 What if they didn't read the fine print?

00:52:43.000 Yeah, and it just cost you this?

00:52:45.000 Here's why it's so cheap.

00:52:46.000 We need a kidney.

00:52:47.000 It's free if you have A, B blood.

00:52:49.000 How much is a kidney on the black market worth?

00:52:51.000 That's a good question, Jamie.

00:52:53.000 Don't Google that.

00:52:54.000 No, Jamie, off the dome.

00:52:57.000 Let's guess.

00:52:57.000 Where is your circle?

00:52:58.000 How big is your circle of give a kidney if they need?

00:53:01.000 Oh, it's very small.

00:53:03.000 Yeah, you're gonna have to figure that out.

00:53:03.000 Yeah?

00:53:06.000 I'm not giving up kidneys for people.

00:53:07.000 Where?

00:53:08.000 What happens if you have one kidney?

00:53:11.000 Not good.

00:53:12.000 What I mean like not as good.

00:53:14.000 It's- that's why you have to I mean what hello science catch up You can look like stealing people's kidneys you live with one kidney But how much does it affect you like data like you exercise still can you I don't know what would it do to you very good question I think you live life relatively normal.

00:53:28.000 Yeah, we'll do it for loved ones It's interesting that people get kicked in the kidneys all the time But you don't really hear about too many like severe kidney injuries You know, like you hear about liver injuries, like you hear about internal bleeding from guys from body shots.

00:53:43.000 Don't hear too much about kidney injuries.

00:53:45.000 Dude, getting punched in the fucking liver, it's the most painful thing on the planet, dude.

00:53:51.000 It's a weird feeling.

00:53:52.000 It just shuts your body down.

00:53:52.000 It's crazy.

00:53:53.000 You roll around on the floor and start crying.

00:53:55.000 I think Mickey Gall told me.

00:53:58.000 Mickey Gall kicked me in my kidney.

00:54:01.000 So I sparred with Mickey Gall once and I sparred with Michael Bisping once and both of them put me down with liver shots.

00:54:07.000 No, I'm sorry, liver shots, not kidney.

00:54:08.000 Liver shots, but they called it. 0.80

00:54:08.000 Oh, liver. 0.80

00:54:11.000 This is how good fighters are.

00:54:12.000 Bisping's like, hey, watch this, bang, I mean literally the whole gym of people cackling, laughing at me as I roll around on the floor as a man.

00:54:21.000 It's fucking pathetic.

00:54:23.000 Have you seen Ilya Teporia do that to people?

00:54:25.000 He does it to fans.

00:54:26.000 He hits him with a liver shot.

00:54:27.000 They ask him.

00:54:28.000 So he's liver shotting bare knuckle.

00:54:30.000 Ilya Teporia, bare knuckle liver shotting people. 0.55

00:54:33.000 I'd rather be punched in the face 10 out of 10 times.

00:54:35.000 But Mickey said when he lost to Diego Sanchez, it was because his kidneys started shutting off.

00:54:39.000 That's why he bit him.

00:54:40.000 I bet that is a weight loss thing.

00:54:41.000 He said that's what he said.

00:54:42.000 It's from weight loss.

00:54:43.000 Yeah, that's a brutal thing that they do, man.

00:54:45.000 Like Kayla Harrison, who just won the Bantamweight title. 1.00

00:54:47.000 Bro.

00:54:48.000 She is so big.

00:54:48.000 Oh, that picture of her.

00:54:51.000 She's so jacked and that her getting down to 135, I don't know how much weight she's losing. 1.00

00:54:56.000 I don't really want to ask, but I do.

00:54:58.000 You know, we're not supposed to ask ladies what they weigh. 1.00

00:55:01.000 She was competing in the Olympics.

00:55:04.000 Yeah, and when she was over at the PFL, she was fighting at 155. 1.00

00:55:08.000 Her picture of her at the actual weigh-in was like scary.

00:55:14.000 Yeah, it's kind of fucked up.

00:55:15.000 It was like a thumbnail from like crack whore confessions.

00:55:17.000 See, this is the problem.

00:55:19.000 The UFC had a 145 pound division and Amanda Nunes was the champion of it. 1.00

00:55:24.000 Like, for the health of both fighters, like, that would be a good way.

00:55:27.000 I mean, it really depends on if Kayla Harrison can continue to make 135 and defend the title, because I don't know who's going to beat her.

00:55:33.000 She's too fucking strong.

00:55:35.000 That happens a lot with, like, the chicks. 1.00

00:55:35.000 She's so strong. 1.00

00:55:37.000 There's, like, a real dominant chick for a while. 1.00

00:55:39.000 With Amanda, it was KO power.

00:55:41.000 Amanda was one of the rare women that she could just touch you and just blast you out of orbit. 1.00

00:55:46.000 You know, it's usually with women, it's, like, combination punches. 1.00

00:55:50.000 Amanda had extraordinary power. 0.84

00:55:52.000 Like when she knocked out Cyborg, That was fun. 0.99

00:55:55.000 She just folded Cyborg. 0.97

00:55:57.000 I'm like, that lady can crack. 1.00

00:55:59.000 What was it?

00:56:00.000 Silva?

00:56:01.000 This last weekend, there was a knockout.

00:56:03.000 The guy was asleep standing, and it was the most softest-looking turnover.

00:56:07.000 Oh, yes.

00:56:08.000 Turnover like chin puncher.

00:56:09.000 The Korean dude.

00:56:10.000 Yeah, young.

00:56:11.000 It's like 23 years old.

00:56:12.000 It was like he- Joe Sang Yu.

00:56:14.000 He moved?

00:56:15.000 And just like, it was the smallest little, like, he didn't pull it from the shoulder or nothing.

00:56:19.000 One of the best left hooks of all time.

00:56:20.000 The guy was asleep before he hit the ground.

00:56:22.000 It was crazy.

00:56:22.000 One of the best left hooks of all time.

00:56:23.000 It was literally like this.

00:56:24.000 Bam! 0.98

00:56:25.000 Like, he just turned it over.

00:56:26.000 And he's a kid, right?

00:56:27.000 Yeah, he's young.

00:56:28.000 No, he's not that young.

00:56:29.000 Here it is.

00:56:29.000 No, no, no.

00:56:31.000 Boom! 0.99

00:56:31.000 Look at that. 0.99

00:56:32.000 I think he's 28. That's a lot of his momentum coming in, too.

00:56:35.000 It's like the perfect place timing.

00:56:36.000 For sure.

00:56:37.000 But he's also a really good boxer.

00:56:38.000 You get knocked out and then some dudes doing backflips in the ring. 0.95

00:56:40.000 That's the worst feeling in the world.

00:56:42.000 By the way, I'm not a good enough sport for if I was knocked out and they come over and start doing that thing where they're touching my face a lot and be like, thank you for the opportunity.

00:56:50.000 Get the fuck away from me, dickhead. 0.98

00:56:52.000 A lot of people do.

00:56:53.000 You fucking jerk off.

00:56:54.000 I don't want to talk to you.

00:56:54.000 He goes, hey, will you pray with me?

00:56:56.000 No!

00:56:57.000 Will you pray with me?

00:56:57.000 To who?

00:56:58.000 God that hates my guts That's so funny.

00:57:06.000 I'm praying to God this whole training camp.

00:57:10.000 God just gave me a concussion.

00:57:13.000 Thanks, God.

00:57:14.000 That's hilarious.

00:57:15.000 I guess God thought I was training wrong.

00:57:17.000 This lady's got a problem. 1.00

00:57:19.000 Because if she, you know, other than the Amanda Nunes fight, who?

00:57:23.000 Well, who's gonna pay to watch her just steamroll somebody? 1.00

00:57:26.000 If she can continue to make 135, if she becomes a marathon runner or something, and drops even more muscle mass and can make 135, who the fuck is gonna be able to deal with that? 0.71

00:57:35.000 It was like Mike Tyson back in the day.

00:57:37.000 It became a thing where they started offering you money back on the pay-per-views if he didn't last at least two rounds.

00:57:44.000 Did they?

00:57:44.000 Yeah, that was the whole thing.

00:57:45.000 It was like, because he was knocking people out so fast.

00:57:49.000 This is fucking crazy.

00:57:50.000 Yeah, everybody would look at a pay-per-view based on how long you thought the fight would last.

00:57:53.000 Like, $60, man!

00:57:55.000 It wasn't that much back then.

00:57:55.000 Yeah.

00:57:57.000 But I remember people being bummed out.

00:57:59.000 It was like a 30 second knockout.

00:58:01.000 But it was also fun to like, it was almost like Mike Tyson, his thing was, he was so very, That was kind of fun to watch somebody that dominant, you know, but also the crazy I think with the UFC people like they want to they want the back-and-forth thing They want to like you feel like you're getting your money's worth.

00:58:18.000 I remember if they're Tyson Holyfield the ear thing Mm-hmm.

00:58:22.000 I ordered that pay-per-view and I was driving around that night afterwards listen to the radio and people were like I I'm like, you just watched a guy bite another man's ear off.

00:58:32.000 You would pay $60 just for that.

00:58:35.000 Yeah, before the fight, if they were like, watch a man eat another man's ear.

00:58:38.000 Like, I'll pay anything you want.

00:58:40.000 Didn't he bite him twice?

00:58:41.000 Yeah.

00:58:42.000 He didn't get it off the first time, though.

00:58:43.000 was for that fight.

00:58:44.000 The fact that Mike Tyson has...

00:58:48.000 His edibles that are ear-shaped is one of the funniest fucking things on Earth.

00:58:48.000 Wow.

00:58:51.000 And the fact that they're friends now.

00:58:53.000 Evander and Mike is lovely.

00:58:54.000 Evander Holyfield has no idea what's going on.

00:58:56.000 He doesn't?

00:58:57.000 He'd be friends with anybody.

00:58:58.000 He is Gonski.

00:59:01.000 Evander Holyfield?

00:59:02.000 Is he?

00:59:02.000 Oh.

00:59:03.000 He was on my podcast a few years back.

00:59:05.000 Really?

00:59:06.000 Back in LA.

00:59:06.000 Yeah.

00:59:08.000 He was, like, super coherent back in LA.

00:59:08.000 No, man.

00:59:11.000 Damn.

00:59:12.000 I mean, that was a few years ago?

00:59:15.000 Seven years ago, maybe?

00:59:16.000 How long ago was Evander on the show?

00:59:18.000 Yeah.

00:59:18.000 Did he fight Vitor?

00:59:19.000 Is that who fought Vitor?

00:59:20.000 Yeah.

00:59:21.000 That was unfortunate.

00:59:22.000 I don't think he had a real camp for that fight either.

00:59:24.000 I think that was a last-minute replacement because Vitor was supposed to fight somebody else, right?

00:59:29.000 Yeah.

00:59:30.000 Very few athletes will ever, I think, at this point.

00:59:33.000 I know there's bigger contracts now than ever.

00:59:35.000 2019, so six years ago.

00:59:37.000 But very few athletes will ever understand the idea of what those guys' lives were like.

00:59:42.000 Even, like, Riddick Bowe.

00:59:43.000 Oh, yeah.

00:59:44.000 Like, Riddick Bowe was champion for, like, two fights.

00:59:47.000 And he was awesome.

00:59:47.000 You know what I mean?

00:59:48.000 He was awesome, but he didn't have a long run or anything.

00:59:50.000 And then, right, you see his thing.

00:59:52.000 like 14 acres with white tigers everywhere and all his clothes are silk.

00:59:56.000 Like they're immediately...

00:59:58.000 They were just getting handed $50 million in one night.

01:00:02.000 I know it's like you trained for that night, but that's a crazy amount of money.

01:00:06.000 Like, no athletes get that.

01:00:09.000 Nothing like that.

01:00:10.000 There's a few.

01:00:10.000 Canelo does.

01:00:11.000 Does he?

01:00:12.000 Yeah, Canelo has a giant deal.

01:00:14.000 Oh, but I mean, maybe even boxing still has that with the pay-per-view taken.

01:00:17.000 Yeah, some of these boxers are making pretty fucking nuts.

01:00:20.000 Yeah, but that sport's the only sport.

01:00:21.000 I mean, UFC has never paid like that, has it?

01:00:25.000 I don't know what the most amount anyone's been paid in the UFC for a fight.

01:00:29.000 If I had to guess, it's got to be Conor.

01:00:31.000 Yeah, without a doubt.

01:00:33.000 Yeah, I know Conor has made more than $100 million in the UFC, I believe.

01:00:38.000 See if that's a fact.

01:00:40.000 Is that going all in with his endorsements?

01:00:42.000 I shouldn't say that because I don't really know.

01:00:44.000 I just read some article that tried to break down how much he made for each pay-per-view and how much he made at the beginning of his career when he first burst onto the scene.

01:00:53.000 Yeah.

01:00:55.000 I got two numbers in the first results.

01:00:57.000 That says 39.3 and then down here says 108.

01:01:02.000 Yeah.

01:01:04.000 Yeah, so there's the pay-per-view bonuses versus fight pay.

01:01:08.000 What I was going to say is I thought he made $100 million from the Floyd fight.

01:01:12.000 So it can't be that.

01:01:13.000 $30 million from that.

01:01:15.000 So $30 million.

01:01:16.000 Oh, it says $30 million from the boxing match in Floyd.

01:01:19.000 I thought it was $100 million.

01:01:21.000 And his biggest payout was against Khabib for $28.5 almost.

01:01:24.000 Yeah, so $28 million.

01:01:27.000 He's probably made the most.

01:01:29.000 If I had a guess.

01:01:30.000 That was an all-pay-per-view bonus.

01:01:32.000 That was a huge pay-per-view.

01:01:34.000 Right, but he did get paid.

01:01:36.000 I mean, that's the only way they get paid anyway.

01:01:38.000 I mean, the pay-per-view bonus thing is great because it forces him to promote, but I don't mind a silent killer.

01:01:38.000 Yeah, of course.

01:01:46.000 I don't mind an Alex Pereira.

01:01:48.000 I don't want to see him promoted.

01:01:49.000 He don't have to promote.

01:01:50.000 That dude promotes when he puts people into orbit.

01:01:52.000 You know, just let him train.

01:01:53.000 Let him shoot a fucking bow and arrow at a soccer ball. 1.00

01:01:56.000 Let him train.

01:01:57.000 Like, don't fucking...

01:02:02.000 Leave his energy alone.

01:02:04.000 You guys can do enough with promotion from his highlight reel.

01:02:07.000 But the guy like Connor, though, that fucking guy, if he can get on the radio, if he can get on a talk show, if he can start talking shit, Dana sees dollar bills like fucking Scrooge McDuck.

01:02:19.000 He starts throwing gold coins in the air.

01:02:22.000 Connor was the best at it.

01:02:23.000 What about a couple weeks ago, Aaron Blanchfield versus, what was the girl she was fighting?

01:02:29.000 Macy Barber.

01:02:30.000 They canceled it as it was starting.

01:02:32.000 They already did the package for the main event, and then they found out that Macy Barber had passed out. 1.00

01:02:37.000 She had a seizure backstage.

01:02:39.000 I don't want to speak out of turn, so it's some sort of medical condition, and she was in trouble.

01:02:44.000 And so they sent her to the hospital to get checked out.

01:02:46.000 I mean, they literally said, all right, now it's time for the main event.

01:02:49.000 And then they were like, well, never mind.

01:02:50.000 We're not doing it.

01:02:51.000 Yeah, I don't, again, I don't want to speak out of turn, but I think she might have had some health concerns.

01:02:55.000 She's had a bunch of health concerns over the last couple of years, I think.

01:03:00.000 And then she missed weight, which is never a good sign.

01:03:02.000 You know, when they miss weight, usually something's off.

01:03:05.000 A lot of times they're injured or sick or something.

01:03:08.000 But whatever it was, it sucks.

01:03:10.000 For Erin Blanchfield.

01:03:10.000 Yeah, that sucks.

01:03:12.000 She's actually from my hometown, Jersey.

01:03:13.000 She's a beast, dude. 1.00

01:03:14.000 Yeah, she's a monster. 1.00

01:03:15.000 Very good.

01:03:16.000 Very young, too.

01:03:17.000 What, are you going to sit him up and say something shitty about her?

01:03:18.000 And then be like, I know her, actually.

01:03:20.000 She's a dumb bitch. 1.00

01:03:21.000 Oh, I grew up with her.

01:03:23.000 What an ass. 0.97

01:03:24.000 I was with Dave Porterfield.

01:03:26.000 You know, he's a big fan of Meatball Molly McCann, who's great, too.

01:03:30.000 But he's like, I'm betting on Molly, and I go, yeah.

01:03:34.000 And he's like, you think?

01:03:35.000 I go, dude.

01:03:37.000 Erin Blanchfield is the truth.

01:03:39.000 She's a fucking problem. 1.00

01:03:40.000 She's a problem if she gets a hold of Molly and she just ragdolled her. 1.00

01:03:44.000 If you were going to Pete Rose your own sport, how do you think you would hit good?

01:03:48.000 Oh, I used to bet on it.

01:03:50.000 But I can't affect the outcome.

01:03:52.000 So I used in the early days of the UFC when they first started having lines in sportsbooks, I'd bet because I would see like you'd see shit like Anderson Silva is like if this isn't an 800 to one and Like, okay.

01:04:06.000 Uh-uh.

01:04:07.000 That was different, okay?

01:04:09.000 Travis Luter lost that fight, in my opinion, because he cut too much weight.

01:04:13.000 You think he would have won the fight?

01:04:15.000 He had him mounted early in the fight.

01:04:17.000 Let me tell you something.

01:04:18.000 Travis Luter's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu was fucking elite.

01:04:21.000 All the guys that I know that trained with him go, dude, he's like Ricardo Laborio level.

01:04:27.000 He's special.

01:04:28.000 He did the ultimate fighter, and everybody was terrified.

01:04:31.000 They're like, that motherfucker gets you on the ground.

01:04:33.000 You're in trouble.

01:04:34.000 He's just a machine in Jiu-Jitsu.

01:04:37.000 So, I saw him cut weight, and he looked so bad, his lips were cracked.

01:04:41.000 Wow.

01:04:42.000 His face was sucked in, and he was shuffling to the scale.

01:04:45.000 And he still didn't make weight.

01:04:47.000 He never made weight.

01:04:48.000 Oh, is that what happened?

01:04:49.000 It wasn't a title fight.

01:04:50.000 He wouldn't have won the title if he won.

01:04:50.000 That's right.

01:04:52.000 That was crazy.

01:04:52.000 they used to give the winner of the Ultimate Fighter a title shot like back in the day.

01:04:56.000 It was like a crazy like just sort of like It's just more of a legitimate sport now that you can't just give, like, the winner of a reality show a title fight.

01:05:06.000 America's Got Talent used to give a million-dollar prize, and then one day they just changed, like, you'd just be part of an America's Got Talent show in Vegas.

01:05:12.000 Did they always give you a title fight?

01:05:14.000 I think the first few seasons, yeah.

01:05:16.000 I think Travis had had a few fights in the UFC before that, dude.

01:05:19.000 That was long after The Ultimate Fighter.

01:05:23.000 I'm about 90% sure, because I know he knocked out Marvin Eastman.

01:05:27.000 I remember that fight.

01:05:28.000 And, you know, he fought quite a few dudes, but the main theme was, when Travis got a hold of you, you were fucked.

01:05:34.000 And he got a hold of Anderson, and Anderson looked fucked.

01:05:37.000 It was early in the fight, but then Anderson got him in a triangle. 0.57

01:05:40.000 He just tired out, and Anderson was blasting him from the back of the triangle.

01:05:42.000 When he first came in, it was crazy.

01:05:44.000 If you saw that guy the day before, you'd go, oh my god, how is this guy even alive?

01:05:49.000 He should be taken to a hospital.

01:05:50.000 He looked so bad.

01:05:51.000 I've seen a lot of people weigh in looking really bad, but Travis was the worst.

01:05:57.000 So look at this.

01:05:58.000 He's mounted on top of Anderson early in the fight, dude.

01:06:01.000 Wow.

01:06:02.000 I mean, I skipped ahead.

01:06:03.000 He was mounted for like two and a half minutes.

01:06:05.000 Yeah, I mean, but he just gassed out, man.

01:06:08.000 I mean, he just had nothing left.

01:06:10.000 He lost too much weight, man.

01:06:13.000 And so then Anderson got him in a triangle and started fucking him up with elbows.

01:06:16.000 So there came a point in time where you could see him visibly fading.

01:06:20.000 You know?

01:06:21.000 I think it...

01:06:24.000 Look how slick that is.

01:06:25.000 I mean, this dude is so slick.

01:06:28.000 Travis was so dangerous, man.

01:06:30.000 He could have possibly submitted him, but he was just too big for the weight class.

01:06:34.000 He shouldn't have been making that weight.

01:06:35.000 So that's my point.

01:06:37.000 It's like, yeah, he was a live dog in this fight is my point.

01:06:41.000 That wasn't even really an escape that Anderson did.

01:06:41.000 Yeah, he was tired.

01:06:44.000 He lost way too much weight.

01:06:45.000 Dude, he was dead the day before.

01:06:46.000 I mean, dead.

01:06:47.000 When I saw him dead, he looked like he might die.

01:06:50.000 Have you ever gotten to talk to a fighter about the psychology of, like, once you lose, like, when you're just, like, this dominant force and once you lose, like, your whole thing changes.

01:06:58.000 Like, Roy Jones Jr. was overnight.

01:07:00.000 Overnight.

01:07:01.000 Overnight.

01:07:01.000 That one guy called him out and said he was ducking him.

01:07:03.000 Antonio Tarver.

01:07:04.000 Tarver said he was ducking him.

01:07:05.000 Then Antonio Tarver beat him.

01:07:06.000 Then Glenn Johnson just beat him, knocked him through the ropes.

01:07:09.000 It was just like it became like, oh, you can just beat him.

01:07:11.000 But Glenn Johnson knocked him out where it was one of those scary ones where your arms are stiff.

01:07:15.000 Yeah.

01:07:16.000 And it didn't seem like he hit him that hard either.

01:07:19.000 It seemed like it couldn't be real that it was happening.

01:07:21.000 Two fights before that was the fight, I believe, where he's hitting the guy and he tells the ref, he's like, stop the fight, and then the ref didn't, and he hit him a few more times.

01:07:29.000 Yeah, and he passed the end zone.

01:07:30.000 That was like two fights before, it was just all over.

01:07:33.000 Yeah, but you know what happened?

01:07:35.000 Roy went up to heavyweight, and he fought John Ruiz, and then he dropped back down to light heavyweight, and that's a real problem.

01:07:42.000 He got knocked out.

01:07:46.000 He's stiff, dude.

01:07:47.000 Like when you get knocked down and you're just like stiff here, ugh.

01:07:51.000 Anderson Silva.

01:07:53.000 Oh, that's so awful.

01:07:53.000 Wasn't it pretty much Anderson Silva after the leg went in the fight?

01:07:57.000 Yeah.

01:07:57.000 He won fights since, but he never really captured back like, we're just going to watch him.

01:08:02.000 We went, first UFC we ever went to was 101 in Philly.

01:08:05.000 Anderson Silva versus Forrest Griffin.

01:08:07.000 Forrest Griffin.

01:08:07.000 And a racist-ass Philly.

01:08:10.000 That night for us in general was just a hilarious thing.

01:08:14.000 We went with It was me, Dave, and Lewis, all three of us.

01:08:18.000 The first White Boy Weekend. 0.78

01:08:20.000 The first White Boy Weekend. 0.78

01:08:21.000 We went to like an Oz Fest or Mayhem Fest.

01:08:23.000 Mayhem Fest, yeah.

01:08:24.000 And then UFC.

01:08:25.000 Lewis and Dave brought their friend who I was not getting along with.

01:08:31.000 Crypto-S.

01:08:41.000 We'll say she's a chunkier girl. 1.00

01:08:44.000 Look, this is back in the day when I was younger.

01:08:46.000 It's like, if you become friends with a girl, you can't separate friendship.

01:08:50.000 No one's going to see her.

01:08:50.000 You don't have to over-explain that you fucked a girl that wasn't super hot.

01:08:52.000 No, she was really hot, I mean. 1.00

01:08:54.000 It's okay.

01:08:56.000 I'm saying now I wouldn't have dated her.

01:08:56.000 Look, you know what?

01:08:58.000 But yeah, she was a little bit of a chunkier girl. 1.00

01:09:00.000 And whatever it was, we were just talking shit, watching the fights.

01:09:05.000 Everyone's just being animals.

01:09:07.000 We ended up getting to a thing with these guys in front of us.

01:09:09.000 It was maybe...

01:09:14.000 We might have outnumbered them.

01:09:15.000 No, I don't think so.

01:09:16.000 At first, it was just there was like one or two guys just there.

01:09:19.000 The other guys were gone.

01:09:20.000 It's like a coyote trap.

01:09:22.000 They show you one coyote and the rest of them surround you.

01:09:24.000 and we started talking shit with these guys.

01:09:26.000 It just turned into like a- I mean, we shouldn't make this...

01:09:29.000 We're not looking...

01:09:30.000 None of us are looking for trouble guys.

01:09:32.000 The guys were, I think we were talking and saying shit, like being funny, and I think they kind of were giving us like a...

01:09:41.000 We're being dickhead comedians and they're like really serious about watching an MMA fight right now.

01:09:45.000 First one ever in Philadelphia.

01:09:47.000 They turn around, they start talking shit.

01:09:49.000 So then we start talking shit to them.

01:09:50.000 We kind of chump the two guys and then their group of friends show up and they get wind that they just got chumped by these fucking loser comedians.

01:09:57.000 They left the nerds behind and they went and got merch.

01:10:00.000 You make the nerds get merch.

01:10:00.000 Oh boy.

01:10:02.000 We see what we're working with.

01:10:04.000 It became a whole argument.

01:10:05.000 These guys started talking shit to us.

01:10:06.000 And by the way, we were above them.

01:10:08.000 We could have fucked it.

01:10:10.000 We should have just dominated these guys.

01:10:12.000 But whatever had happened, we just didn't want to fight and get kicked out.

01:10:15.000 We're not like tough guys like that.

01:10:17.000 So they start talking shit.

01:10:18.000 And then this is like, it's such fight.

01:10:19.000 It's almost like when somebody spits on you.

01:10:21.000 One of the guys goes, it was like, yo, fuck you and fuck your fat bitch too. 1.00

01:10:25.000 About the girl that I was seeing.

01:10:26.000 And we all just acted like we didn't hear it.

01:10:28.000 Everyone acted like we didn't hear it.

01:10:30.000 We just communally agreed without even looking at each other.

01:10:32.000 We were like, these guys, huh?

01:10:35.000 She sat there the rest of the night like, I can't believe these guys were ready to fight for everything except me.

01:10:39.000 When that was the final vote, he goes, oh, well, you should stick up for yourself, lady.

01:10:43.000 And then we just sat there.

01:10:44.000 She's a big girl.

01:10:45.000 She could have helped.

01:10:45.000 Then we went outside and pretended like we were waiting to find them in a sea of 18,000 people being moved.

01:10:50.000 Oh, boy.

01:10:50.000 God, we suck.

01:10:51.000 God, we did like jerk-offs there.

01:10:54.000 But then that was so funny because it was Philly, which historically, hilariously racist city.

01:11:00.000 Which fight was that?

01:11:01.000 It was Forrest Griffin, Anderson Silva.

01:11:03.000 Oh, that one was crazy.

01:11:04.000 Forrest Griffin, I mean, the applause, when he came out, the ovation he got, they couldn't wait.

01:11:09.000 They loved him.

01:11:10.000 It was Irish.

01:11:11.000 They literally booed Anderson Silva.

01:11:13.000 And then Anderson Silva handled that hilariously and quick.

01:11:17.000 Yeah.

01:11:18.000 And then Forrest Griffin left immediately.

01:11:22.000 He didn't stay.

01:11:22.000 He ran right out of the ring, which was a thing.

01:11:24.000 And then they announced the thing.

01:11:26.000 He goes, you're a winner.

01:11:27.000 And still, Anderson Silva.

01:11:29.000 And the place booed.

01:11:30.000 It was such a sweet moment, because Anderson Silva seems like his personality is good.

01:11:33.000 Yeah.

01:11:34.000 It seems like.

01:11:34.000 And they were booing, and they had him on the big screen, and Anderson Silva goes like, he almost had to go, really?

01:11:39.000 And he's holding the belt, and they're like, yeah, all right, you son of a bitch, that was amazing. 0.98

01:11:43.000 And they cheered for him.

01:11:44.000 Come on, man.

01:11:45.000 Strange.

01:11:46.000 We saw an 18-year-old or 19-year-old Jon Jones just walking around the arena that night, and I didn't know.

01:11:52.000 I got into UFC.

01:11:54.000 Way early.

01:11:55.000 Me and my step-pop used to get, like, you know, ninja versus sumo wrestler.

01:11:58.000 Oh, wow.

01:11:59.000 UFC.

01:12:00.000 And then when it got, like, rules and everyone was kind of, like, trying to start doing, like, actual MMA.

01:12:07.000 I lost track of it, and Louis and Dave were super into it.

01:12:10.000 That's funny when the rules came, you checked out.

01:12:13.000 Checked out.

01:12:14.000 Me and Dave, we became friends.

01:12:16.000 We were roommates in Brooklyn.

01:12:17.000 We would go to the Blockbuster, rent the old UFCs.

01:12:19.000 It was like ultimate knockouts, ultimate submissions. 0.98

01:12:22.000 They had like a series of videos, and who was it, Mark Lehman, he would teach you how to do moves.

01:12:27.000 There was like a segment where it's like, hey kids at home, here's how you do a fucking parking bar.

01:12:27.000 Sure, yeah.

01:12:32.000 So me and Dave literally living in the shittiest, dirtiest apartment with a Garbage everywhere and beer bottles everywhere.

01:12:38.000 We would have grappling matches with our buddy Wes.

01:12:41.000 My cauliflower ear didn't come from jiu-jitsu.

01:12:43.000 This is from Dave Smith.

01:12:45.000 He would literally open-hand smack.

01:12:47.000 We had open-hand smacking rules. 1.00

01:12:49.000 He would open-hand smack me in the ear.

01:12:51.000 Political pundit.

01:12:52.000 Maybe the best political pundit alive.

01:12:54.000 How weird is that?

01:12:55.000 I'm going to assassinate him.

01:12:56.000 Dave was a pothead wigger who was grappling amongst garbage with me. 1.00

01:12:59.000 That's how he started his career.

01:13:01.000 He was on my couch for a couple years.

01:13:02.000 Did you guys ever imagine he was going to be that good at political commentary?

01:13:06.000 You know what?

01:13:06.000 I shouldn't say no.

01:13:07.000 I didn't know he was going to go to be that kind of big in it.

01:13:11.000 The fact that he is great at it doesn't surprise me at all.

01:13:14.000 His recall's nuts.

01:13:16.000 It's interesting how, like, because I said this was just a guy at a time I said we smoked pot.

01:13:21.000 We essentially raised my daughter to a gay couple during the day.

01:13:23.000 Then my ex-wife would come home. 1.00

01:13:25.000 And then we'd head into the city and meet up with Louis.

01:13:28.000 How many times did your ex-wife accuse you of doing gay shit with Dave? 0.97

01:13:30.000 You know what's funny?

01:13:31.000 Before, one of the reasons I was able to give while I was leaving when I left was I went in her thing to see if she was. 0.87

01:13:42.000 And I went through her computer and it was nothing about her cheating at all.

01:13:47.000 It was several times looking up what to do when you find out your husband is gay.

01:13:55.000 I was like, what?

01:13:56.000 What?

01:13:57.000 Imagine being a woman married to a guy and thinking he's secretly sneaking away and sucking cock. 0.99

01:14:01.000 That's a video that just went viral recently.

01:14:03.000 The girl caught her boyfriend or husband.

01:14:06.000 It looked staged.

01:14:07.000 You think it was staged?

01:14:07.000 I saw that.

01:14:08.000 I don't think so, dude.

01:14:09.000 I don't think she's that good of an actress. 0.86

01:14:10.000 I think a lot of these are staged.

01:14:12.000 They might be.

01:14:13.000 I think a lot of them are staged.

01:14:14.000 She was losing her mind.

01:14:15.000 She's like, you're fucking that guy? 0.98

01:14:17.000 You're fucking him, Chris?

01:14:18.000 Really?

01:14:19.000 Cheaters getting caught by their significant others, though.

01:14:21.000 As much as I've felt that pain, I love those videos.

01:14:23.000 That's a rabbit hole I'm going to.

01:14:25.000 Cheaters.

01:14:25.000 Remember that show?

01:14:26.000 All fake.

01:14:28.000 All fake.

01:14:29.000 I believe it.

01:14:30.000 I've talked to so many people who've worked at Cheaters before and stuff, and recently, I wanted to be the host.

01:14:35.000 They brought Peter Gunz.

01:14:37.000 From Lord Tariq and Peter Gunn's Uptown Baby.

01:14:39.000 Remember that song?

01:14:40.000 Yeah.

01:14:41.000 He became the newest host.

01:14:43.000 Before him it was Clark Gable III.

01:14:48.000 It was like Clark Gable's grandson.

01:14:52.000 Seriously, it was like Clark Gable III or something.

01:14:54.000 He died from a drug overdose.

01:14:56.000 The original guy who hosted it was a guy named Tommy Habib.

01:14:59.000 He was pretty great at it.

01:15:01.000 Then the little guy got stabbed.

01:15:02.000 Fake.

01:15:03.000 Completely fake.

01:15:04.000 Do you remember Morton Downey Jr.?

01:15:06.000 Of course.

01:15:07.000 Mouth.

01:15:07.000 He was the best.

01:15:08.000 He was the best.

01:15:09.000 Yeah, he would just smoke on the show and just yell at people.

01:15:11.000 He's like, alright, so you're a Nazi.

01:15:14.000 Here's the Jewish Defamation League.

01:15:16.000 Let's bring him out to fight.

01:15:18.000 This is what's crazy.

01:15:19.000 There was a guy who used to work as a doorman at one of the comedy clubs, like a wannabe comedian.

01:15:27.000 Hey, we're looking for someone whose brother had an affair with his wife and He just found out he goes what a coincidence my brother just said like that would be the thing they go great Come on in and we're looking for a guy who came back from Vietnam very disillusioned, you know, whatever the fuck it is They would he would just say they would just say that to him and you go great And they knew it was bullshit and he would just show up and act it they would just give him a rush so You came back from Vietnam, and what did you discover there?

01:15:56.000 And he would just start talking.

01:15:57.000 When it's real, it goes bad.

01:15:59.000 They had the one thing where the guy, Jenny Jones, that ruined her fucking career completely. 1.00

01:16:05.000 The guy was in love with the guy.

01:16:07.000 They were like, hey, I'll do the show, but it's not going to be a guy, right, who's into me.

01:16:11.000 And they were like, no, no, no.

01:16:13.000 And then it was this, now he's friends with two people, a big fat girl and a gay guy.

01:16:18.000 And the big fat girl was sitting out there. 1.00

01:16:21.000 And he was like, oh, shit.

01:16:23.000 Okay.

01:16:24.000 And they go, no, no, it's not her.

01:16:25.000 And they bring out the guy.

01:16:26.000 And he says, he goes, oh, you lied to me.

01:16:30.000 And his face is real, like, embarrassed.

01:16:32.000 And he killed the gay guy later.

01:16:35.000 And that ruined Jenny Jones' career completely. 0.89

01:16:37.000 Yeah.

01:16:38.000 You know, Jenny Jones was a comic.

01:16:39.000 And she used to do, like, all girls night.

01:16:41.000 So at the club, like, you couldn't even be in the club.

01:16:45.000 So they would do like a show where it would be all-girl waitstaff, all-girl everything. 0.84

01:16:50.000 All-girl audience. 0.94

01:16:51.000 It's the least funny show ever.

01:16:54.000 The service is slow.

01:16:57.000 The math is wrong.

01:16:59.000 But the place was clean as shit.

01:17:01.000 No security.

01:17:03.000 Latina gang fights in every bathroom. 0.86

01:17:05.000 I think it was just a regular club.

01:17:08.000 It's just they just only got female staff to run everything. 1.00

01:17:11.000 That's great.

01:17:12.000 You sometimes see that.

01:17:13.000 It was like an all-female comedy festival. 1.00

01:17:14.000 Imagine if you tried to do an all-male comedy festival. 0.95

01:17:17.000 It'd be hilarious.

01:17:18.000 We have at Skank Fest.

01:17:19.000 It'd be a good festival.

01:17:20.000 Did you ever see?

01:17:20.000 Have you seen that?

01:17:22.000 There's like, I forget.

01:17:23.000 There's some shift in some town where their brag is like, and this shift is all 100% female police officers. 1.00

01:17:34.000 Take over this fucking city, dude.

01:17:36.000 Go do that on a flight.

01:17:38.000 I wasn't on it, but I've seen it where it's like, just so you know, today, You're like, what?

01:17:46.000 Let me off this fucking flight right now.

01:17:49.000 Wasn't that the case in Toronto where the plane flipped upside down?

01:17:51.000 I think that was that.

01:17:52.000 That's the movie Flight with Denzel Washington.

01:17:54.000 They woke you up and they were like, hey, do you know how to read a map?

01:17:54.000 No, no, no.

01:17:57.000 She came in hot. 0.95

01:17:58.000 She came in hot on the landing and flipped the plane. 1.00

01:18:01.000 Oh, yeah, when it landed upside down, I did.

01:18:03.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:18:03.000 Bro.

01:18:04.000 Yeah.

01:18:05.000 Yeah.

01:18:05.000 I think that was one of them deals.

01:18:06.000 If I get a female Uber driver, I rebook my Uber. 1.00

01:18:09.000 Oh my god.

01:18:10.000 They drive so slow and buy like the laws.

01:18:13.000 Why not just get a Waymo?

01:18:15.000 I've been in Waymo twice.

01:18:17.000 Yeah, dude, an Asian woman driver is the worst. 1.00

01:18:20.000 There's a lot of that in New York City sometimes.

01:18:22.000 Yeah.

01:18:22.000 It's crazy.

01:18:22.000 And they are slow, and they do not change lanes, and it is brutal to sit there in the back and not yell.

01:18:28.000 I know, and then they're going exactly to the speed limits.

01:18:30.000 You can't complain.

01:18:32.000 Yeah.

01:18:32.000 Like, please break the law.

01:18:33.000 This is crazy.

01:18:33.000 Did you see that guy who was one of the producers of Top Gear in the UK?

01:18:36.000 He got his license revoked because he went 24 miles an hour in a 20 mile an hour zone.

01:18:43.000 They took his license away for six months.

01:18:47.000 How rough is England?

01:18:49.000 That town needs a Mexican uprising, it sounds like. 1.00

01:18:51.000 Sounds like they did an English uprising.

01:18:54.000 That is fucking bananas.

01:18:55.000 But it is 20, I was just driving from Manchester to London.

01:18:58.000 When you get into London, That is so crazy.

01:19:04.000 It's insane.

01:19:05.000 How many kilometers per hour is that?

01:19:07.000 I don't know, but my driver had, it was in miles per hour, like his speedometer, and it was 20 miles an hour he was going, and it just feels like you're in slow motion.

01:19:16.000 It's insane.

01:19:17.000 Do they always use miles per hour?

01:19:20.000 I think they use kilometers, right?

01:19:22.000 No, I think they do, yeah.

01:19:22.000 Canada uses kilometers.

01:19:23.000 I thought they used kilometers, but this car specifically had miles per hour on the speedometer.

01:19:28.000 But you're on the wrong side of the road?

01:19:30.000 Yeah.

01:19:30.000 Is that weird?

01:19:32.000 You're a bad driver on the right side of the road.

01:19:34.000 Well, I wasn't driving.

01:19:35.000 I did drive in Jamaica because that was an English-owned country.

01:19:39.000 Territory.

01:19:40.000 So they're on the opposite side as well.

01:19:42.000 And I rented mopeds when I was in Jamaica.

01:19:44.000 and you get used to it very quickly.

01:19:47.000 Like you think it's gonna really turn you around, but like, As soon as I drive into Canada right away, we've been in Canada signs.

01:19:54.000 I'm like, "Oh, no!

01:19:55.000 Oh, no!" "Here we go!

01:19:56.000 We gotta go Oost!" "Oost!" "Oost!" "Nord!" How many different countries use inches and miles an hour?

01:20:03.000 Doesn't everybody use kilometers now?

01:20:05.000 Doesn't everybody use the metric system?

01:20:07.000 I still think they're wrong.

01:20:08.000 That's crazy.

01:20:09.000 They tried it on us when I was in high school.

01:20:11.000 Really?

01:20:11.000 Yeah, they tried to introduce the metric systems if this is gonna be the thing that we all accept.

01:20:16.000 And everybody's like, "Meh!" Yeah.

01:20:18.000 Pantiquated.

01:20:19.000 Not in this country, bitch. 1.00

01:20:20.000 I don't follow the Dewey Decimal System either.

01:20:22.000 Suck my dick, old people. 1.00

01:20:22.000 Nope. 1.00

01:20:23.000 Whoa.

01:20:25.000 Fuck your kilograms.

01:20:27.000 Yeah.

01:20:28.000 It's a weird thing that one country just says, nah, we can't learn it.

01:20:33.000 Fuck that.

01:20:33.000 I mean, how many countries have it?

01:20:35.000 How many countries have inches?

01:20:37.000 I think it's maybe England?

01:20:39.000 It says the UK, USA, and Canada keep miles per hour.

01:20:43.000 Oh, so is that what England has miles per hour?

01:20:45.000 Oh, no, they have it like, it's double, but their main thing is definitely kilometers, for sure.

01:20:50.000 Everything else is kilometers?

01:20:54.000 So, it's like six countries that have miles per hour?

01:21:01.000 Or inches?

01:21:02.000 It's just weird that we didn't look.

01:21:04.000 I still don't know.

01:21:05.000 I feel like Dick is inches in every...

01:21:09.000 My dick is 36 decimeters.

01:21:12.000 26,000 kilgometers.

01:21:14.000 Do you guys have a...

01:21:21.000 9% of the world uses miles per hour.

01:21:24.000 The US being the notable example.

01:21:25.000 Interesting.

01:21:26.000 So it's all the UK.

01:21:27.000 When I was in England for the fights, they measure people in stone.

01:21:27.000 I wasn't wrong.

01:21:31.000 So they say, 10 stone!

01:21:33.000 I have no idea what that means.

01:21:35.000 I think it's 230 pounds.

01:21:37.000 Is it 13 pounds each stone?

01:21:40.000 It's a weird, old-timey fucking measure, but you have to say it.

01:21:44.000 Was it actually based off of stones?

01:21:46.000 I think so.

01:21:47.000 14 pounds?

01:21:48.000 So that would be 240 pounds, 10 stone.

01:21:50.000 I think it was actually like a fucking justice scale with the person on one side and stones on the other.

01:21:57.000 I think it's what it comes from.

01:21:57.000 I do like England, though.

01:21:58.000 It's shitty food, but it's still just a cool...

01:22:02.000 You like being the only circumcised person in a room, you piece of shit. 1.00

01:22:04.000 So no, 10 stone's 140 pounds, right?

01:22:07.000 You said it's 14 pounds per?

01:22:10.000 Okay.

01:22:10.000 Yeah.

01:22:11.000 20 stone would be 240 pounds.

01:22:13.000 So then you'd have to say the five stone, nine ounces, then say the fucking pounds afterwards.

01:22:19.000 It's weird.

01:22:21.000 We're talking about weird things to keep holding on to.

01:22:24.000 That's a strange one.

01:22:24.000 Stone.

01:22:26.000 Do you go and see the places?

01:22:27.000 Any of those weird destinations for UFC?

01:22:29.000 I definitely have, yeah.

01:22:30.000 Yeah, London's cool.

01:22:31.000 It's interesting.

01:22:32.000 You'd go into a bar that's a...

01:22:36.000 It's weird.

01:22:37.000 There's some old shit in that town.

01:22:39.000 Oh, yeah.

01:22:39.000 You see how New York was designed after it so much.

01:22:43.000 Yeah.

01:22:44.000 London's a cool town.

01:22:46.000 Honestly, I like cities that remind me of New York.

01:22:48.000 I love Rome.

01:22:49.000 Rome's like the OG New York.

01:22:51.000 It's fucking really cool.

01:22:53.000 How so?

01:22:54.000 I don't think you're wrong.

01:22:55.000 I've never been.

01:22:56.000 How's it like New York?

01:22:57.000 It's just, it feels like, because back in the day, it was like the most- Like the hub.

01:23:02.000 It's like very fast moving.

01:23:04.000 Yeah.

01:23:05.000 They were more advanced than everyone.

01:23:07.000 They were just like, you know, architecturally, technologically, they were way ahead of their time with everything.

01:23:12.000 That St. Peter's Basilica is bananas.

01:23:14.000 I think about that all the time.

01:23:16.000 I think about it all the time.

01:23:17.000 Like the amount of work.

01:23:19.000 Involved in making something that spectacular.

01:23:21.000 The Sistine Chapel is fucking nuts, dude.

01:23:23.000 Michelangelo went blind painting it.

01:23:25.000 Yeah.

01:23:25.000 Like he was on scaffolding and like paint was just dripping into his eye and sort of going mad and fucking...

01:23:31.000 It's so cool, and the details, And he wasn't even a painter, which is the craziest thing.

01:23:37.000 He was just a genius and could emulate that crazy-ass art.

01:23:42.000 He could do anything.

01:23:43.000 His sculptures were insane.

01:23:44.000 Yeah.

01:23:45.000 The fucking art in the Vatican, too, is nuts.

01:23:48.000 When you're walking through the place, you're like, how much money is all this worth?

01:23:52.000 Like, this is crazy.

01:23:52.000 It's the biggest art museum in the world, and I'm going again.

01:23:55.000 I brought my son a few years ago on a father-son trip, and he was eight years old.

01:24:00.000 We did a four-hour tour.

01:24:01.000 We could have done an eight-hour tour.

01:24:02.000 It was so cool.

01:24:03.000 It was just never-ending.

01:24:05.000 Just every room was more awesome than the next.

01:24:07.000 They had the big map room.

01:24:08.000 Did you see that?

01:24:09.000 They had like a map.

01:24:09.000 It was like, you know, 150 feet wide, fucking however many feet tall.

01:24:14.000 And it was 99% accurate.

01:24:15.000 Whatever year it was that they made it, it was like, I don't know, like hundreds and hundreds of years ago.

01:24:20.000 99% accurate, drawn by hand.

01:24:22.000 Crazy.

01:24:23.000 I can't even begin to tell you.

01:24:25.000 Like, I have no idea how that could possibly be done.

01:24:27.000 Lewis swore to me today he was gonna crowbar an art talk.

01:24:30.000 I did.

01:24:30.000 He said in the car, he goes, I bet I can get Joe to talk art.

01:24:32.000 How about their books?

01:24:33.000 I said, he's gonna think it's gay, and he was like, I bet he doesn't. 1.00

01:24:36.000 It's funny that art would be gay. 0.97

01:24:39.000 You know?

01:24:40.000 Yeah.

01:24:42.000 The books that they have, too, they have a crazy library.

01:24:45.000 They probably have some books from the Library of Alexandria.

01:24:48.000 They got tucked away in there.

01:24:49.000 Well, apparently, the deeper you go, the more exotic the shit is.

01:24:53.000 There's levels that you can only have access to if you're a king or a fucking...

01:25:02.000 That's why I believe people are capable.

01:25:04.000 Because there are people capable of hiding all kinds of shit.

01:25:07.000 What's hiding in England shit?

01:25:09.000 No one gives a fuck.

01:25:10.000 What are they hiding in there?

01:25:12.000 Salt?

01:25:12.000 Things for their food?

01:25:13.000 Tastes good?

01:25:14.000 The king's list.

01:25:16.000 This is when we had dragons.

01:25:19.000 Yeah, the history of dragons been stifled.

01:25:22.000 Jay doesn't travel.

01:25:23.000 He won't go to other countries.

01:25:24.000 I'm trying to get him to do shows like in the UK.

01:25:28.000 I mean, they have the internet.

01:25:31.000 Well, you gotta figure, New York to LA is a six-hour flight.

01:25:34.000 New York to Amsterdam is a seven-hour flight.

01:25:36.000 I've done everything I did overseas, I did probably, or most things, I should say, probably a little young in comedy and intimidated myself on the situations that I've gone back.

01:25:48.000 Well, it's not because you're poor, so you can't go to a nice restaurant.

01:25:52.000 Well, it's not even that.

01:25:53.000 When I was in South Africa, I was wealthy, dude.

01:25:55.000 Their money is garbage.

01:25:59.000 But no, I'm telling you, and I've enjoyed some of the places when I've gone to them.

01:26:03.000 It's just like, I am such a regular idiot that I'm just like, I'm not going to understand the food.

01:26:10.000 What am I going to plug my stuff into?

01:26:12.000 Doesn't it explode if it's wrong?

01:26:13.000 When the TV blows.

01:26:15.000 When you walk through the red light district, like the places where you can buy like snacks, like you know how many, dude, it's so funny, they have like, It's so for, like, dumb Americans to be like, oh, a hot dog on a pizza bun, and you fucking just eat this terrible shit.

01:26:29.000 Chocolate taco.

01:26:31.000 Chocolate tacos are great.

01:26:32.000 Choco taco.

01:26:33.000 Chocolate tacos are fucking badass.

01:26:35.000 I get it, Jay.

01:26:36.000 Why travel?

01:26:37.000 Fuck it.

01:26:38.000 I, uh, yeah, I follow the Kid Rock credo.

01:26:41.000 I just try to get famous here.

01:26:42.000 Let's just handle it here.

01:26:43.000 This is the best place to be famous if you can get famous.

01:26:45.000 Yeah, who does it better than Kid Rock?

01:26:47.000 The guy's really figured it out.

01:26:47.000 Nobody.

01:26:48.000 Also, by gunning down that Miller Lite guy,

01:27:17.000 Because his friendship with the president is hilarious.

01:27:20.000 It's funny.

01:27:20.000 And wacky.

01:27:21.000 There's been no other thing like that ever.

01:27:24.000 You know what I mean?

01:27:24.000 You never find out like, oh, Bill Clinton and Iverson kick it once in a while.

01:27:27.000 That never happened.

01:27:27.000 Right, right.

01:27:28.000 Well, there was, um, what the fuck's his name?

01:27:31.000 Oh, Bobby Brown and fucking Joe Biden fucking golf and crush ass together. 0.69

01:27:35.000 What the fuck's his name that's friends with Kim Jong-un?

01:27:39.000 Rodman.

01:27:39.000 Yeah, that's Rodman.

01:27:40.000 Rodman goes over there and hangs with Kim Jong-un.

01:27:42.000 It's the best documentary.

01:27:43.000 Did you ever see that documentary?

01:27:44.000 No.

01:27:44.000 Oh.

01:27:45.000 Treat yourself as soon as humanly possible to Dennis Rodman's Big Bang and Ponyang.

01:27:50.000 Oh, boy.

01:27:51.000 It starts off as him going over there believing he's doing something diplomatic.

01:27:55.000 And then they go, all right, so you're going to go home and gather up some players and come here.

01:27:59.000 And the documentary filmmaker goes, on the flight back, when they were coming back now to North Korea, he goes, oh, I noticed from the last time that Dennis has started drinking again.

01:28:10.000 And he was supposed to be like, stop drinking completely.

01:28:12.000 And then...

01:28:19.000 Oh, no.

01:28:20.000 He first comes in drunkenly, starts bowing everybody.

01:28:22.000 It's not a bowing culture, so that's pretty hilarious. 0.96

01:28:25.000 He treats the North Koreans like they're dolls.

01:28:29.000 He'll grab them and make them come sing karaoke and just points at them while they sing.

01:28:33.000 He just dominates the room, and everyone's afraid of him, and everyone hates him.

01:28:37.000 Oh, no.

01:28:37.000 It's one of the best documentaries.

01:28:39.000 Is there a trailer for a trailer?

01:28:40.000 What a crazy thing to go hang out with a dictator.

01:28:43.000 Oh, yeah.

01:28:43.000 Yeah.

01:28:44.000 Oh, also, Kim Jong-un also does not want much to do with Dennis Rodman.

01:28:48.000 What?

01:28:49.000 Like, after his meltdown, he, like, stiffs him.

01:28:51.000 He, like, has Dennis Rodman meet him at his, like, chalet, and then he's not there.

01:28:55.000 Whoa.

01:28:56.000 And then it's just Dennis Rodman crying.

01:28:57.000 Is this at the trail or no?

01:28:58.000 We're here today for Dennis Rodman to make a historic announcement following his recent visit to North Korea.

01:29:07.000 I just realized how much influence stylistically you take from Dennis Rodman, Jay.

01:29:12.000 Almost the same guy, a lot of people say.

01:29:14.000 Mr. Rodman is on a private trip, and our views about North Korea have not changed.

01:29:23.000 You know, you got the Jaycees, the Beyonce, stuff like that.

01:29:27.000 None of these people in the world are doing what I'm doing.

01:29:30.000 I am concerned, as many Americans are, about giving a birthday present to a man who is seen.

01:29:44.000 Do you remember that interview on ESPN?

01:29:46.000 No.

01:29:46.000 So they had him and the players that agreed to play go on there, and he loses his mind.

01:29:51.000 Dennis Rump.

01:29:53.000 In the documentary, they show you the whole build-up to that, which is the guy's meeting without Dennis Rodman.

01:29:58.000 They're like, Dennis is a little off his rocker right now, and America's turning on us.

01:30:01.000 We're going to do this interview with CNN while Dennis is asleep, hungover, and we'll just do it just us, and we'll be able to explain this better, that we're just trying to be diplomatic and do something here.

01:30:11.000 And then Dennis Rodman wakes up and finds out they're doing that.

01:30:14.000 And he just barges on, and he just cuts a wrestling promo, and he's just slobber-filled.

01:30:19.000 that makes no sense.

01:30:20.000 Who just had his uncle executed.

01:30:22.000 I'm gonna rassass what the hell you think.

01:30:24.000 I'm standing here.

01:30:26.000 Look at these guys.

01:30:27.000 Look at them.

01:30:33.000 so great so great Do you have to let the Koreans win? 1.00

01:30:52.000 When you go over there?

01:30:53.000 Oh, it didn't matter.

01:30:54.000 The Koreans, the game was such nonsense. 1.00

01:30:57.000 Like, at first it was the Americans versus them. 0.77

01:31:01.000 The Koreans kept up with them because they're good and they're giving a shit and trying. 1.00

01:31:07.000 Dennis Robbins stops playing.

01:31:08.000 He just changes out of his thing and puts on street clothes and goes and hangs out with Kim Jong-il right away.

01:31:15.000 And then he goes, at halftime, he just goes, some people switch jerseys.

01:31:19.000 And then he goes, so we could play together.

01:31:21.000 And he just has them play.

01:31:22.000 He also has the audience try to sing a long happy birthday to Kim Jong-un when he starts the game, and the audience doesn't know what he's singing.

01:31:29.000 So they just start clapping too fast while he's singing.

01:31:34.000 It's two fantastic hours of television.

01:31:36.000 I recommend it highly.

01:31:38.000 Wow.

01:31:39.000 I love that kind of just brazen, not seeing what's happening around you.

01:31:44.000 Everyone's hating him, and he's just like, I'm killing it.

01:31:47.000 I can't believe how good he's doing.

01:31:49.000 That's great.

01:31:49.000 So he doesn't go over there anymore?

01:31:51.000 No.

01:31:51.000 Well, I don't think so.

01:31:52.000 I'm sure he still drinks, though.

01:31:54.000 You stopped drinking.

01:31:55.000 How was Protect Our Parks with no drinking?

01:31:57.000 It was fun.

01:31:59.000 And you're the only one not drinking there.

01:32:00.000 Yeah.

01:32:01.000 But then at some point, aren't you wrangling three people who are blackout drunk?

01:32:06.000 But it's okay.

01:32:07.000 I've been blackout drunk.

01:32:08.000 I know what it feels like.

01:32:09.000 It's not bad.

01:32:10.000 It's just for health purposes.

01:32:12.000 I was like, I work out so much and I take care of my body.

01:32:15.000 Like, why am I poisoning it all the time?

01:32:17.000 And I said, let me just take a break.

01:32:19.000 I just took a break and I was like, God, why do I need it?

01:32:22.000 I was like, what am I doing?

01:32:23.000 Everybody's like, do you want a drink?

01:32:24.000 Yeah, let's have a drink.

01:32:25.000 But sometimes you're just like, it's just like a force of habit.

01:32:29.000 You know, have a drink every time I do a set.

01:32:30.000 Have a whiskey, have a shot before I go on stage.

01:32:33.000 You feel like you're doing something.

01:32:34.000 You feel bored when everyone else is drinking.

01:32:36.000 But it's really no, like, I have way more energy.

01:32:39.000 When I'm not drinking, I could stay up and be present.

01:32:42.000 I want to be in bed by 11 o 'clock if I'm drinking or smoking weed.

01:32:45.000 Dude, I've had three months off and I haven't had one bad day.

01:32:48.000 So I haven't had one day physically where I feel like shit.

01:32:51.000 That has to be it.

01:32:52.000 Well, the other side is your metabolism.

01:32:53.000 When I stopped drinking, I got really just an incredible shape.

01:32:58.000 And as you're getting older, even just whatever it does to my metabolism, and everybody's different, but it was a huge difference in terms of how I felt in the gym, how much I could run, how much I could lift.

01:33:10.000 It's fun.

01:33:11.000 It's fun poison.

01:33:13.000 It's fun.

01:33:14.000 It's fun to get a little lit.

01:33:16.000 My doctor said those exact words.

01:33:17.000 He was like, you're poisoning yourself.

01:33:19.000 He was like, it's up to you.

01:33:19.000 If you want to poison yourself a little bit, that's fine.

01:33:21.000 Or a lot.

01:33:22.000 That's okay, too.

01:33:23.000 That guy sounds fun.

01:33:24.000 Yeah, they were trying to say for a while that one drink a night.

01:33:29.000 Remember they were trying to say for a while that one drink a night is probably good for you?

01:33:32.000 Oh, like a glass of red wine?

01:33:33.000 Yeah.

01:33:33.000 It's good for your heart?

01:33:34.000 Do you know what the problem with that is aura rings.

01:33:37.000 If you have an aura ring, you wear one of those things, and then you have one drink, you'll notice a difference in your sleep.

01:33:43.000 Significant.

01:33:43.000 It's real.

01:33:44.000 Oh, I try not to track anything that's going to be bad news.

01:33:44.000 It's measurable.

01:33:48.000 Yeah.

01:33:48.000 They're like, hey, you should get a sleep study.

01:33:50.000 He goes, why did no for a fact that I die 27 times a night?

01:33:53.000 Yeah, isn't there like things you could do where you see a doctor and they're going to like be able to essentially predict within a couple years of when you're actually going to die?

01:33:59.000 That's the Joe Rogan doctors.

01:34:00.000 Probably.

01:34:01.000 I want to know, Joe, who's he sent Bert to where they come and they put him in that machine like Luke Skywalker on Hoth and they come out and they're like, if you never eat beans again, you'll live to 105.

01:34:11.000 Bert is going to need more than that.

01:34:13.000 Every time I see him, he looks more like a grape.

01:34:15.000 Like, settle down, boy.

01:34:17.000 He's capable of doing it on his own, though.

01:34:19.000 Bert has incredible willpower.

01:34:21.000 Like, if Bert wants to, he can lose a lot of weight.

01:34:23.000 He just drinks so much.

01:34:24.000 It's part of his thing, you know, so I feel like he feels like, I shouldn't put words in his mouth, but he's almost like, am I Bert Kreischer if I'm not getting fucked up and having fun with the fans like that?

01:34:33.000 Like, if he does a show and he doesn't take his shirt off, people will boo.

01:34:37.000 We fucking pay to see tits! 1.00

01:34:40.000 I think he wants to take his shirt off, and they want it to come off.

01:34:43.000 I do too.

01:34:43.000 100%.

01:34:45.000 I love it.

01:34:46.000 I run to the balcony when he's about to take his shirt off.

01:34:48.000 Because there's a big cheer, the pop, when he takes his shirt off.

01:34:51.000 It's fun.

01:34:51.000 Everybody goes crazy.

01:34:52.000 When I did Bert's podcast last time, I was like, stop letting everybody get in your head.

01:34:56.000 All these complaints are about Bert being the same person that we all are, and also who he is.

01:35:01.000 But it's like now it's all of a sudden like, you know, he worries about that shit.

01:35:03.000 And I'm like, Bert, people want you to take your shirt off.

01:35:05.000 And they want to hear your stories about your family.

01:35:07.000 You're letting people go like, well, you don't do it like this person.

01:35:11.000 It's like, well, you don't tell jokes like Mark Norman.

01:35:13.000 That's not what your thing is.

01:35:14.000 So it's not a thing to worry about.

01:35:16.000 He reads the comments.

01:35:16.000 That's the problem.

01:35:18.000 You read the comments, he'll fuck with your head.

01:35:20.000 No matter how mentally strong you are, if you're reading a bunch of opinions about you, it'll fuck with your head.

01:35:24.000 Yeah, and it's just like the same people who go on to Yelp and write reviews.

01:35:28.000 It's just people that want to complain.

01:35:29.000 So when you go on to social media, it's just like you get, it feels like, like I have a pretty decent fan base.

01:35:35.000 Like Legion of Skanks, we have a really like healthy fan base.

01:35:38.000 And then there's like 30 dudes.

01:35:39.000 They're not healthy.

01:35:40.000 Not physically healthy.

01:35:41.000 There's like 30 dudes who hate me and want my son to die.

01:35:44.000 And if you go on to Twitter, I'll just see that.

01:35:46.000 And it does like fuck with you.

01:35:48.000 It's not good.

01:35:48.000 Yeah.

01:35:49.000 It's all 30 of his followers.

01:35:51.000 Well, there's a lot of crazy people out there, and there's also a lot of kids that just want to get a rise out of you.

01:35:56.000 There's a lot of things going on.

01:35:56.000 Right.

01:35:57.000 There's a lot of people that want to fuck with your head, but it's almost all unhappy people, unfortunately.

01:36:02.000 I just learned very quickly, though, the ones that I have responded to, even when I respond, my thing was always to respond kind of funny.

01:36:07.000 I'm not getting into fights.

01:36:09.000 or someone would write two paragraphs about how terrible I am, and I'd be like, you know, come on, Jimbo, you don't mean it.

01:36:09.000 Yeah.

01:36:15.000 And then how much they write...

01:36:21.000 I had a crappy day.

01:36:22.000 Love you, dude.

01:36:23.000 Listen every day.

01:36:24.000 Sometimes there's one guy who tweets at me almost every day where he says, Luis J. Gomez has lip fillers, and he's trying to get this to be a thing, to catch on.

01:36:35.000 And then every day he's trolling me, and I'm like, this fucking guy. 0.86

01:36:38.000 And for maybe two years, Luis J. Gomez has lip fillers.

01:36:41.000 He'll respond to everything.

01:36:42.000 Other people tweet at me.

01:36:43.000 He's like, just so you know, you're talking to somebody who has lip fillers.

01:36:45.000 And I don't have lip fillers.

01:36:46.000 He's got beautiful Puerto Rican lips.

01:36:48.000 This guy showed up at a show.

01:36:49.000 You had a little work.

01:36:50.000 Dude, he showed up at a show in...

01:36:54.000 That's wild.

01:36:55.000 He showed up at a show in Raleigh, North Carolina with a t-shirt that said, Lewis J. Gomez has lip fillers.

01:37:00.000 And then I was like, I should bite your fucking nose off your face. 0.97

01:37:04.000 What are you doing?

01:37:04.000 But he's just like, oh, no, I'm a fan.

01:37:06.000 He's just being silly.

01:37:06.000 Like, it's hilarious.

01:37:07.000 He's just being silly every day.

01:37:08.000 He's being silly.

01:37:09.000 Yeah.

01:37:09.000 Yeah, that's part of the fun of being a fan.

01:37:11.000 You know, if you get a rise out of you, it worked.

01:37:11.000 Yeah.

01:37:14.000 I know.

01:37:14.000 So I just steer clear.

01:37:15.000 He gotcha!

01:37:16.000 He's in the front row.

01:37:17.000 He gotcha.

01:37:19.000 He got ya.

01:37:20.000 I steer clear of the comment just because of that.

01:37:22.000 Yeah, it's like, I don't know.

01:37:23.000 I'd rather just meet people and if they show up, I guess they're fans.

01:37:25.000 They're so sweet in person because Skankfest is like, half of them are like people who are on Reddit and trolling.

01:37:29.000 And you go to Skankfest and it is just thousands of people that are like, just love.

01:37:34.000 Skankfest particularly, it's like, you know, they say how many times in your life you walk by a murderer?

01:37:38.000 It's like, how many times does Skankfest do I walk by, take a picture and shake hands with somebody who's like, Dude, you used to be good, but you suck dick in comedy now.

01:37:45.000 Alright.

01:37:46.000 You're always gonna get guys like that.

01:37:48.000 There was one guy who was a fan of ours in the old school when we were at the Creaking Cave back in New York.

01:37:52.000 There was a dude who used to wear black glasses, long black hair, and he was at every episode.

01:37:57.000 He ended up murdering his mother.

01:37:59.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:38:00.000 Murdering his mother.

01:38:01.000 And then becoming great friends with Doug Stanhope after he murdered his mother.

01:38:04.000 Like a jail pen pal with Stanhope.

01:38:06.000 Whoa.

01:38:07.000 It was pretty funny when he got out.

01:38:09.000 He's out.

01:38:10.000 He lives in a halfway house type thing now because it was a mental issue that he did that. 0.54

01:38:14.000 He killed his mom.

01:38:15.000 If you kill your mom, well, you know, she might have been a bitch. 1.00

01:38:15.000 Clearly. 1.00

01:38:18.000 She'd have to do something really bad.

01:38:20.000 If you kill your mom, I feel like, I don't care.

01:38:22.000 You obviously have mental issues.

01:38:23.000 Yeah, duh.

01:38:25.000 When he called us, he described it.

01:38:27.000 It was like he thought she was a demon that he had to stop before she got out in the world.

01:38:31.000 He went crazy.

01:38:32.000 But I still feel like you should lock that guy up.

01:38:34.000 You guys didn't pay attention to the BJ Penn stuff?

01:38:37.000 He's like losing it, right?

01:38:38.000 P.J. Penn claims that his family are imposters.

01:38:42.000 That someone has kidnapped his family and replaced them?

01:38:45.000 Yeah, that's a very...

01:38:46.000 Isn't it funny when they hit the...

01:38:51.000 And bipolar, with those kind of things?

01:38:55.000 like they're a textbook.

01:38:57.000 If you look it up, because I've looked it up before, you look it up, it's texting people A newfound thing in, like, religion.

01:39:06.000 And, like, being serious about it all of a sudden.

01:39:08.000 Like, it's always been that way.

01:39:09.000 And they always have those things.

01:39:11.000 That's one of them, too.

01:39:12.000 Like, everyone's fake.

01:39:14.000 Right.

01:39:14.000 Everyone in my life has been replaced with somebody else.

01:39:16.000 Like, called something, particularly.

01:39:18.000 Some of them think they have a chip in their head and people are talking to them.

01:39:21.000 Yeah, it's very, very bad.

01:39:23.000 A lot of that is they have a chip in their head.

01:39:25.000 Well, this guy who killed his mom and Doug Stano became friends with And, you know, we were asking him kind of about what happened, and he just, you know, he gave a very compelling story, and we were saying goodbye to him.

01:39:41.000 He goes, I just want to say, you know, when I was going through all that horrible stuff in the last several years that had been so difficult and terrible and my family hating me, but I still always, man, I listen to you guys and laugh, and I just want to say, That I love you guys.

01:39:59.000 And I was like, well, I think I speak for the group and I say, whew.

01:40:04.000 Because we all are aware of what you'll do if you feel someone is a problem.

01:40:09.000 Yeah, or a demon.

01:40:10.000 Or possibly a demon.

01:40:12.000 Yeah.

01:40:13.000 The point is, we have some great fans.

01:40:15.000 Yeah.

01:40:16.000 Well, you guys are doing something really fun.

01:40:20.000 You're getting all the misfits together. 0.88

01:40:22.000 And you're celebrating comedy.

01:40:24.000 It's like a real...

01:40:28.000 Like the comics look forward to it.

01:40:30.000 Everybody loves it.

01:40:31.000 Everybody talks so highly of it.

01:40:33.000 And everybody says the vibe is so fun because they just go there to see.

01:40:41.000 But one of my favorite moments is when he went up at Skankfest.

01:40:45.000 They didn't know he was going to be there.

01:40:46.000 That was the first time he performed in America after he got canceled.

01:40:48.000 It was awesome.

01:40:49.000 And what's beautiful about the fans, they're educated comedy fans, so we didn't even have to tell them to not pull out their cell phones.

01:40:57.000 Not a single person took video.

01:40:59.000 Not a single person.

01:41:00.000 I watched the video I took that video of Justin Silver announcing gentlemen And I didn't take any of his set.

01:41:10.000 It was just him walking on a stage, standing ovation.

01:41:13.000 It made TMZ.

01:41:14.000 It was fucking really cool.

01:41:15.000 I mean, I was a pig in shit.

01:41:17.000 I went outside, I got emotional.

01:41:18.000 I was like, that was fucking so cool.

01:41:19.000 That's cool.

01:41:20.000 What was really neat, what was funny about that moment, was I was with Soder, Dan Soder, and I was like, I was like, you want to come outside?

01:41:27.000 I'm going to smoke a joint outside.

01:41:28.000 He goes, yeah, sure.

01:41:29.000 And as we were just walking through that room, I wasn't even thinking about it.

01:41:32.000 He goes, oh, you know, we should watch Louis come on real quick.

01:41:34.000 And I'm like, oh, yeah, sure.

01:41:35.000 I didn't overthink of the moment you were about to watch was so crazy.

01:41:38.000 It was really cool.

01:41:40.000 That was one of the coolest moments at the festival.

01:41:43.000 That and then the tough crowd.

01:41:44.000 We did a tough crowd reunion at Skankfest in Brooklyn a few years ago.

01:41:48.000 Just having everybody from tough crowd get together.

01:41:51.000 That's awesome.

01:41:52.000 Yeah, Colin.

01:41:53.000 You know, being at the head of it, that was awesome.

01:41:54.000 That was one of the best shows ever.

01:41:55.000 He should just make it a podcast.

01:41:57.000 100%.

01:41:57.000 It would be a huge podcast.

01:41:59.000 100%.

01:42:00.000 I wonder if he has the name, if he owns the name.

01:42:02.000 I think he does.

01:42:03.000 But then he should definitely do it.

01:42:04.000 I think he just doesn't want to.

01:42:04.000 I think he does.

01:42:06.000 Well, it might be something that someone needs to offer it to him and put it together, you know?

01:42:11.000 It could be something, if you said it, he'd be like...

01:42:15.000 A lot of people have.

01:42:17.000 He's been approached with it.

01:42:18.000 He was great at the club.

01:42:20.000 He was at the club a couple weeks ago.

01:42:21.000 He's awesome.

01:42:22.000 Colin's awesome.

01:42:23.000 He was great.

01:42:24.000 All the comics that worked there, they all lined up to watch him.

01:42:29.000 I mean, is it real?

01:42:30.000 He's just such a pro.

01:42:31.000 It's also his material is so interesting.

01:42:34.000 He's such an interesting guy.

01:42:34.000 Yeah.

01:42:35.000 Well, he does the one-man shows.

01:42:36.000 Yeah.

01:42:37.000 Fantastic.

01:42:38.000 The last time I did a tough crowd, he warmed up the crowd.

01:42:41.000 And so he's doing stand-up in front of the crowd.

01:42:43.000 And he was fucking murdering.

01:42:45.000 I'm like, this is way better than even tough crowds.

01:42:48.000 Like, he's one of the most underrated guys of all time.

01:42:51.000 All us comics know how funny he is?

01:42:53.000 He's like a real comics comic.

01:42:55.000 He's like in the top three.

01:42:56.000 It's like a tell.

01:42:58.000 It's always like top three for every comedian.

01:43:00.000 It was also, though, that place was like the shark tank, though, for something.

01:43:03.000 When they got that fan, I never felt bad for somebody more in my life when they had him on there.

01:43:08.000 And the only segment that was produced of Tough Crowder, you remember, was the last one.

01:43:15.000 You had to write and give them whatever your little rant was going to be about the final topic.

01:43:19.000 You did it once, right?

01:43:19.000 I did it once.

01:43:20.000 About that final topic.

01:43:22.000 That was the only homework you had to do at all.

01:43:25.000 And that fan was clearly going to do something about his mother and do the voice or something.

01:43:31.000 And Patrice, right before he was about to do his fourth segment thing, he goes, Hey, let's see if you can do two minutes without doing your mom's accent.

01:43:40.000 Oh, no!

01:43:41.000 And then Voss and all those guys just started pouncing on them.

01:43:44.000 And then he just had to go like, Hey, you guys.

01:43:47.000 So my mother called me.

01:43:50.000 Oh, he had to do it still.

01:43:52.000 That's all he prepared.

01:43:55.000 But it was like an OG podcast.

01:43:58.000 Before podcasting was podcasting, just a bunch of comics sitting around, just barking at each other, arguing.

01:44:04.000 So fun.

01:44:04.000 It was fun.

01:44:05.000 Way ahead of his time.

01:44:06.000 But then again, like, Regis and Kathie Lee was a podcast, technically, too.

01:44:10.000 Technically, if you really think about it.

01:44:11.000 Yeah, The View, all these shows.

01:44:13.000 I think Opie and Anthony was the big star of it all.

01:44:15.000 That was what started it off for me, because that was the first time I was ever on a show where there was no structure.

01:44:15.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:44:21.000 It was just comics.

01:44:22.000 We all could be on Opie and Anthony, we'd be having this exact same conversation except Norton and Kumia and Opie would be here.

01:44:28.000 Same fucking conversation.

01:44:30.000 They'd let you go.

01:44:32.000 I was more of a Howard Stern guy.

01:44:34.000 I know so were you as well, but without Opie and Anthony, shows like Legion of Skanks wouldn't exist.

01:44:39.000 That's the truth.

01:44:40.000 Also, there's a lot of fans that are just these 50-year-old truckers that are just like, we need something.

01:44:45.000 Our generation was having a much harder time.

01:44:48.000 It wasn't like back in the day when Howard Stern was bringing on comics, all the comics, because that was like his crew he was trying to build up.

01:44:55.000 We were past that, so we had no...

01:45:01.000 I was Ron and Fez.

01:45:02.000 You remember Ron and Fez's show?

01:45:03.000 Sure, yeah, yeah.

01:45:04.000 That's the show that kind of took me in, that I jobbed with best.

01:45:08.000 Yeah.

01:45:08.000 And that was a lot of fun.

01:45:09.000 Ron Bennington's fucking great.

01:45:11.000 He's hilarious.

01:45:11.000 He's the best.

01:45:12.000 So funny.

01:45:12.000 Yeah, there's like, you know, there's a whole You could track, like, ancient man.

01:45:18.000 You know, like fucking prehistoric...

01:45:23.000 Oh, without a doubt.

01:45:23.000 How about Marc Maron just quitting?

01:45:25.000 I know, crazy.

01:45:26.000 He's done.

01:45:26.000 He's hanging it up.

01:45:28.000 Not fun anymore.

01:45:29.000 The, uh...

01:45:30.000 Yeah, but like...

01:45:34.000 There was a few comics that would come on Stern.

01:45:35.000 They would interview.

01:45:36.000 They were megastars.

01:45:38.000 Opie and Anthony figured out they could put three or four comics in a room and create a beautiful chaos.

01:45:43.000 And it was just going to be people bouncing off each other.

01:45:45.000 You'd create these moments that nobody knew was going to happen.

01:45:48.000 Really cool.

01:45:48.000 Stern did not believe in that.

01:45:50.000 You want a cigar?

01:45:51.000 I'll take a cigar.

01:45:52.000 Hell yeah, dude.

01:45:53.000 That's what I'm talking about.

01:45:55.000 I love a good cigar.

01:45:56.000 Yeah, Stern's thing now is for comics.

01:45:59.000 Oh, Stern sucks now.

01:46:00.000 Now it has to be.

01:46:01.000 I know.

01:46:01.000 It's funny.

01:46:02.000 I was one of the last people to check out.

01:46:05.000 Yeah, you liked Stern way too late.

01:46:07.000 Listen, I still arbitrarily just go to it, and I think he's the best that ever did it.

01:46:12.000 I give him all the kudos in the world.

01:46:13.000 Without him, there would be nothing.

01:46:15.000 I give him all the kudos in the world.

01:46:15.000 None of it.

01:46:16.000 I think his last phase here, I might be weirdly too young for it, possibly.

01:46:27.000 Thank you.

01:46:29.000 These are good.

01:46:30.000 The interviews don't really strike me anymore.

01:46:30.000 These are good.

01:46:32.000 He's not going to get to anything that I care about with Sarah Jessica Parker.

01:46:35.000 It's just not going to get...

01:46:37.000 I remember back in the day he made the guy Remember that song from the 90s?

01:46:45.000 Like, Chinese food makes me sick.

01:46:45.000 What is that?

01:46:48.000 Girls of Summer.

01:46:49.000 I don't know what that is.

01:46:50.000 You're a real cigar guy.

01:46:51.000 Look at you.

01:46:52.000 You know how to burn before you...

01:46:54.000 It's a one-hit wonder.

01:46:55.000 I don't remember it at all.

01:46:56.000 They were like around the same time as all the boy bands.

01:46:58.000 And they got pretty popular.

01:47:01.000 And he made one of those guys so interesting.

01:47:03.000 He got him to talk about fucking Jennifer Love Hewitt and then her dumping him.

01:47:08.000 And the way he found out he was dumped, like, she gave him a ring that was like a promise ring from her to him.

01:47:14.000 And then he saw...

01:47:19.000 That's just her ring she gives out.

01:47:20.000 She's a wild girl. 0.86

01:47:22.000 Giving out rings to dudes.

01:47:22.000 Yeah.

01:47:23.000 I know.

01:47:24.000 She fucking aged like a goddamn plum, though. 1.00

01:47:26.000 She looks like shit. 0.99

01:47:27.000 Oh, no.

01:47:28.000 It looks like shit now.

01:47:29.000 I feel bad saying this is too big of a platform to be really trashing a girl for not being pretty anymore.

01:47:34.000 It's fucked up.

01:47:35.000 This is the way to do it.

01:47:35.000 Yeah, back off of that.

01:47:36.000 You feel better if you don't say it.

01:47:38.000 Hillary Clinton.

01:47:39.000 No.

01:47:40.000 I mean, no.

01:47:42.000 Pamela Anderson.

01:47:43.000 I mean, goddammit, did she fall off?

01:47:44.000 She was the hottest woman.

01:47:46.000 She stopped wearing makeup.

01:47:46.000 She put it back on again.

01:47:48.000 But I will say, no, she was...

01:47:48.000 It didn't help a lot.

01:47:52.000 First of all, the documentary about her they did on Netflix a couple years back.

01:47:56.000 Jay loves the documentary.

01:47:56.000 Jay loves documentaries.

01:47:58.000 Love them.

01:47:59.000 The one they did about her on Netflix.

01:48:00.000 He won't read a book, but he'll watch a documentary all day long.

01:48:02.000 Who's got time for books?

01:48:02.000 Books.

01:48:05.000 But the thing about her made me like her.

01:48:07.000 The one about Anna Nicole Smith made me realize what a piece of shit she was. 1.00

01:48:10.000 I mean, terrible person, it seemed like.

01:48:13.000 And then Pam Anderson made me fall in love with her again, where I'm like, she really is just like a dummy who just believes in love. 0.54

01:48:20.000 She's just like a sucker. 1.00

01:48:21.000 She had a couple moments where she talked about, during the Me Too movement, she was like, look, I got invited to every hotel room by every director in Hollywood.

01:48:30.000 She was like, I didn't go, because I knew what the fuck they wanted.

01:48:33.000 And she just kind of had a very real opinion on that whole sort of movement and what was going on.

01:48:38.000 It's like, you know what's happening if you go to a hotel room?

01:48:40.000 With some fucking powerful guy.

01:48:42.000 Like, you know, you have to take a certain amount of, you know, accountability yourself.

01:48:45.000 And she had a very real take on it, which I kind of respected.

01:48:48.000 Well, Hollywood had a long history doing that.

01:48:50.000 Tarantino was telling me about this old school director that had a bedroom in his office.

01:48:54.000 And his name was Quentin Tarantino.

01:48:57.000 His name was Tintin Quarantino.

01:49:01.000 Dude, we talked about that, right?

01:49:05.000 In Desperado, was it?

01:49:06.000 No, Dustal Dawn.

01:49:07.000 Dustal Dawn, where he's like, Yeah, he's like, I'm going to have Salma Hayek shove her foot in somebody's mouth. 0.97

01:49:14.000 You know what?

01:49:15.000 I think it'll be me.

01:49:16.000 I'll take that.

01:49:18.000 I'm not going to put George Clooney through the sweet sensation of sucking Salma Hayek's beautiful foot.

01:49:24.000 God, she was hot in that scene. 1.00

01:49:25.000 He played such a good serial killer in that fucking movie.

01:49:28.000 That was great.

01:49:29.000 I just watched it two weeks ago again.

01:49:31.000 He was such a good psycho.

01:49:32.000 I prefer Black Dust to Dawn called Sinners.

01:49:35.000 I don't think Dust to Dawn had enough of enough social commentary.

01:49:37.000 I thought Sinners was great.

01:49:38.000 People hate them sinners.

01:49:39.000 I didn't see it.

01:49:40.000 I thought it was really good, dude.

01:49:41.000 People try to politicize everything.

01:49:41.000 Was it great?

01:49:41.000 It's fine.

01:49:43.000 I'm like, it's just a fun vampire movie.

01:49:44.000 Who cares?

01:49:45.000 Yeah, you don't like a good vampire movie?

01:49:46.000 No.

01:49:46.000 Is it politicized?

01:49:47.000 I love a good vampire movie.

01:49:48.000 Kind of, yeah.

01:49:49.000 They were saying it's like an attack on white culture.

01:49:51.000 The annoyance of politicizing.

01:49:52.000 The first vampires were white, and they were feasting on black people.

01:49:57.000 Which, you know, black people would be more delicious. 1.00

01:49:59.000 Yeah, dark meat.

01:50:00.000 But you very rarely, other than Blade, you very rarely get a black vampire.

01:50:03.000 Yeah.

01:50:03.000 Sweeter of the juice.

01:50:04.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:50:05.000 Oh, you remember Blackula? 0.99

01:50:07.000 You remember Blackula? 0.98

01:50:07.000 Blackula, yes. 0.98

01:50:08.000 It had to be a comedy?

01:50:09.000 No, it was a fucking movie.

01:50:10.000 No, but it's like a...

01:50:12.000 It's like a black exploitation, right? 1.00

01:50:14.000 But it's supposed to be ridiculous.

01:50:15.000 I think it was a horror movie.

01:50:17.000 I think it was a legit horror movie.

01:50:18.000 It was just a black vampire.

01:50:19.000 Do you know Blackula?

01:50:20.000 Yeah, there it is.

01:50:21.000 Blackula, I found this out from that Pee Wee Herman documentary.

01:50:26.000 Blackula was the mailman on Pee Wee's Playhouse. 0.80

01:50:29.000 For real?

01:50:30.000 Yeah.

01:50:31.000 Really?

01:50:32.000 Isn't that weird?

01:50:33.000 Phil Hartman was on Pee Wee's Playhouse.

01:50:35.000 Died hating him.

01:50:36.000 What?

01:50:37.000 Phil Hartman did?

01:50:38.000 He hated Pee Wee Herman when he died.

01:50:39.000 No.

01:50:40.000 What makes you say that?

01:50:41.000 That's a thing in the documentary.

01:50:42.000 Phil Hartman hated Pee Wee Herman?

01:50:43.000 Phil Hartman did an interview with Howard Stern.

01:50:45.000 Howard Stern asked him about that, and he was like, yeah, we don't speak anymore.

01:50:47.000 Oh, wow.

01:50:48.000 He thought he didn't get enough credit, I think, for Pee Wee's Big Adventure and shit.

01:50:52.000 Oh, that's unfortunate.

01:50:53.000 Yeah.

01:50:54.000 That's weird.

01:50:55.000 Pee Wee Herman was a real bitchy queen, but very interesting. 1.00

01:50:58.000 It's easy to get along with.

01:50:59.000 Like, Phil was...

01:51:02.000 He was easy for me.

01:51:04.000 I got along with him great.

01:51:06.000 Andy Dick, there was the problem.

01:51:08.000 He was fun, man.

01:51:09.000 He was just too wild.

01:51:11.000 You know, but I did so many scenes with that dude where we had to do him like three or four times because I couldn't stop laughing.

01:51:17.000 I just couldn't.

01:51:18.000 Stop breaking character.

01:51:19.000 It's more just like sad what he's going through now.

01:51:22.000 Yeah, it's not good.

01:51:23.000 But he also just gets like, he's one of those guys, he's like letting himself get used by people, I assume for drugs or something.

01:51:27.000 But I mean like.

01:51:28.000 I don't know.

01:51:29.000 Because he ends up on these like weird pods where it's like he's sleeping at some guy's house or something weird.

01:51:33.000 It's not good.

01:51:34.000 Yeah.

01:51:35.000 He's out of it.

01:51:36.000 And he was right there on the precipice with jury duty.

01:51:39.000 Paulie Shore's vehicle, jury duty.

01:51:41.000 Right.

01:51:42.000 He did other stuff too, man.

01:51:44.000 He did that.

01:51:46.000 Fucking war movie.

01:51:47.000 What was the war movie they did?

01:51:49.000 Oh, In the Army Now.

01:51:50.000 That's right.

01:51:51.000 He was in that, too, wasn't he?

01:51:51.000 Yeah.

01:51:52.000 I think that's the one he did.

01:51:55.000 They may have been trying to Farley Spade them.

01:51:59.000 Farley Spade them together.

01:52:00.000 He's a funny dude, though.

01:52:01.000 Do you have hopes for Happy Gilmore 2?

01:52:04.000 Could it possibly be good?

01:52:05.000 Yeah.

01:52:06.000 Really?

01:52:06.000 Adam Sandler still makes good stuff.

01:52:07.000 Comedy?

01:52:08.000 Yeah, he does.

01:52:09.000 Those Netflix ones were good.

01:52:11.000 They were funny.

01:52:12.000 They're pretty good.

01:52:12.000 Like Hubie, Halloween or something.

01:52:14.000 They're funny, man.

01:52:15.000 They're funny.

01:52:15.000 They're pretty good.

01:52:16.000 If you like Adam Sandler movies, I love Adam Sandler movies.

01:52:19.000 I love silly movies.

01:52:20.000 I loved the one when he played his own sister.

01:52:20.000 Me too.

01:52:22.000 What was that one?

01:52:23.000 Jack and Jill's fucking hilarious.

01:52:23.000 Jack and Jill.

01:52:25.000 And Al Pacino's in love with her.

01:52:26.000 And she's a brute.

01:52:28.000 It's fucking fun.

01:52:29.000 I understand the rules.

01:52:30.000 He's a great actor.

01:52:31.000 And I mean, Happy Gilmore was so great, but I almost feel like They'll figure it out.

01:52:37.000 I think they're going to try to do too many throwback moments.

01:52:40.000 what was the movie they, they kind of did that with recently?

01:52:43.000 Fucking, Yeah.

01:52:48.000 That was terrible.

01:52:49.000 That was actually fucking terrible.

01:52:50.000 And coming to America, I grew up on...

01:52:53.000 The original Coming to America was rated R. They made it a musical.

01:52:56.000 They put music numbers in it.

01:52:58.000 It was bad.

01:53:01.000 Beetlejuice people loved.

01:53:03.000 I didn't like that.

01:53:03.000 same thing.

01:53:04.000 I thought it was like You can't capture that first one.

01:53:07.000 I thought Beetlejuice was pretty good.

01:53:08.000 The new one.

01:53:09.000 Did you?

01:53:09.000 I thought it was pretty good.

01:53:10.000 I liked it.

01:53:10.000 Yeah.

01:53:11.000 It wasn't as good as the first one, but it's pretty good.

01:53:14.000 The Soul Train, when they got on the Soul Train, it was all dead, resurrected black people dressed in 1970s outfits dancing. 1.00

01:53:14.000 I fucking loved it. 1.00

01:53:24.000 Have you seen it?

01:53:24.000 I kept on falling asleep.

01:53:26.000 I keep on turning it on and falling asleep 20 minutes into it.

01:53:29.000 Well, it's good, man.

01:53:30.000 It's pretty solid.

01:53:32.000 I mean, it is one of those Tim Burton movies.

01:53:34.000 It's just like a fun, weird fucking movie.

01:53:36.000 I loved the first one, man.

01:53:37.000 I didn't know Tim Burton made the first Pee-wee's Big Adventure.

01:53:40.000 Did he really?

01:53:41.000 His first Tim Burton movie.

01:53:42.000 Oh, that makes sense with Large Marge. 0.99

01:53:44.000 Large Marge. 1.00

01:53:44.000 I forgot to tell him. 1.00

01:53:46.000 That looked like the girl we brought to the UFC event in Philly. 1.00

01:53:49.000 Remember?

01:53:50.000 If they would have called her that, we still would have kept our heads down.

01:53:51.000 Large Marge. 1.00

01:53:52.000 She is large.

01:53:53.000 Bro, Pee-wee's Playhouse was so fun.

01:53:53.000 Fuck.

01:53:55.000 Or Pee-wee's Big Adventure, rather.

01:53:57.000 It was so fun.

01:53:58.000 Pee-wee's Playhouse was trippy.

01:54:00.000 I didn't even know that.

01:54:01.000 That's how, like, weird, like, Peavy's Playhouse was meant to be, like, One of these bikes was for sale recently.

01:54:06.000 How much did they go for?

01:54:09.000 I'll let you guess.

01:54:10.000 $100,000.

01:54:11.000 It went for more than that.

01:54:12.000 $500,000.

01:54:13.000 No, it was $135,000.

01:54:14.000 Wow.

01:54:14.000 There's 14 bikes and it was one of them that was supposed to be.

01:54:16.000 It had no seat on it.

01:54:18.000 It was a fun movie, man.

01:54:19.000 Yeah.

01:54:20.000 I went to see that with a girl I was dating in high school and we were like the only people in the movie theater.

01:54:25.000 It was like one of them lucky moments.

01:54:26.000 We were just fucking howling.

01:54:28.000 Howling laughing.

01:54:29.000 First was, well, the whole thing was always to have like nods for adults in it.

01:54:33.000 What year was that?

01:54:34.000 It was totally like an anybody's movie.

01:54:39.000 It wasn't just like a kid's movie.

01:54:40.000 It was an anybody movie.

01:54:41.000 Pee-wee was a little off. 0.99

01:54:43.000 I was being a kid watching it being like, what's the fucking deal here?

01:54:46.000 Big Top Pee-wee.

01:54:47.000 It was just always a little bit weird.

01:54:49.000 Big Top Pee-wee, he tried to do it himself and that's why that did terribly. 0.99

01:54:53.000 Oh, really?

01:54:54.000 Because again, there's jokes and no one gets it.

01:54:55.000 I forgot this.

01:54:56.000 I saw it once when it first came out.

01:54:57.000 Never saw again.

01:54:58.000 He's got a...

01:55:03.000 That's funny.

01:55:04.000 Having them make out and just keeps panning further and further backwards like five, in the middle of the movie.

01:55:08.000 Five minutes of him just like hardcore making out with the chick. 0.99

01:55:11.000 But I mean, when I was older, I think I would have gotten it.

01:55:14.000 He had such like, he said a lot of Andy Warhol inspired stuff and reference.

01:55:17.000 There was an episode of Pee-wee's Big Adventure or Pee-wee's Playhouse where he said two minutes he just put dog food in a bowl and it was just like ASMR, a close-up of a dog just eating the food.

01:55:26.000 For like two straight minutes, which I would have weirded me out when I was a kid.

01:55:29.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:55:30.000 Whatever it was, it was just a little bit off.

01:55:34.000 He got rolled up in one of the most bullshit cases ever.

01:55:37.000 Oh, what, he got caught jerking off in the theater?

01:55:38.000 He got caught jerking off in a gay movie theater.

01:55:40.000 Where are you supposed to jerk off?

01:55:41.000 What are you supposed to do?

01:55:43.000 That didn't ruin him.

01:55:44.000 That didn't ruin him the way he thought like that.

01:55:46.000 In fact, I thought it was interesting.

01:55:47.000 When he did, his first comeback was that Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie.

01:55:52.000 He asked him to make his character look like his mugshot.

01:55:55.000 That's why he looks like that.

01:55:56.000 That's funny.

01:55:57.000 I said I made him look like Charles Manson.

01:56:00.000 Did you watch it, Jamie?

01:56:01.000 No, I saw clips of it.

01:56:03.000 I was really into it.

01:56:03.000 I mean, didn't it get a show canceled?

01:56:06.000 No, the show was already done.

01:56:08.000 The show was already done.

01:56:08.000 Okay.

01:56:09.000 But he was out for a while.

01:56:10.000 Then he was in Blow.

01:56:11.000 He was in that.

01:56:11.000 No, he came back.

01:56:12.000 He had a career cover.

01:56:13.000 But after that, what took him down was, because I thought you were saying he got caught up in the biggest bullshit.

01:56:13.000 Derek for real?

01:56:17.000 He was caught up in that sweep that got Jeffrey Jones.

01:56:20.000 What's that?

01:56:22.000 That was the principal from Ferris Bueller.

01:56:26.000 That guy got nailed with actual child pornography.

01:56:29.000 Oh.

01:56:30.000 And Pee Wee Herman was friends with him, so they went and searched Pee Wee's house, and what they found, he's a collector.

01:56:35.000 He's found a big couch that can talk.

01:56:35.000 He's like a crazy collector.

01:56:37.000 Yeah.

01:56:38.000 A bunch of naked kids inside of it.

01:56:41.000 No, you don't understand how to fuck them.

01:56:42.000 He eats them.

01:56:44.000 No, he had erotica from the 70s in collections that was like, and everyone was above age, but it was considered obscene material.

01:56:54.000 Oh, no.

01:56:55.000 When they went to his house.

01:56:56.000 Where was he living?

01:56:57.000 California, I believe.

01:57:00.000 Erotica.

01:57:01.000 Obscene erotica?

01:57:02.000 He got nailed with obscene material charges, but he was lumped in with, like, pedophilia.

01:57:07.000 The charge here is a little worse than that.

01:57:10.000 What is it?

01:57:11.000 Pleaded no contest in L.A. court to charges of hiring a 14-year-old boy to pose for photographs.

01:57:16.000 To pose for photographs?

01:57:18.000 They leave that out of the documentary, I feel like.

01:57:21.000 They didn't put that in the documentary.

01:57:22.000 Look at Jay defending an actual pedophile.

01:57:24.000 I'm just saying he was a good guy.

01:57:26.000 You gotta stay care of those documentaries.

01:57:27.000 Oh, man.

01:57:30.000 Child porn was not part of the deal.

01:57:31.000 Joe, the first time we did your podcast when you showed us all of your cool toys in your L.A. studio, I would have sucked your dick to do one of those things.

01:57:37.000 Which toys?

01:57:38.000 Like your...

01:57:41.000 I've told this story so many times on podcasts.

01:57:44.000 The first time we came here, it ends so great.

01:57:48.000 Me, Dave, and Lewis all came in in LA and you took us first and you go, check this out.

01:57:55.000 And you grabbed the compound bow, and you had the laser sight, and you could shoot it all the way across the full UFC gym.

01:58:00.000 It looked so cool.

01:58:01.000 We were all, like, just warming our hands up.

01:58:02.000 We're like, we can't wait till we can do this.

01:58:04.000 Then you put the bow down as I was reaching for it, I thought.

01:58:07.000 And then you went over, you go, this is the pool table.

01:58:09.000 You broke a rack and sunk a few.

01:58:11.000 Like, cool.

01:58:12.000 Then you open the door, and you're like, here's where I freeze myself.

01:58:14.000 Here's where I thaw myself out.

01:58:16.000 And we're like, wow.

01:58:18.000 And then you go, and here's my prize possession.

01:58:21.000 And you had the And you had the flat tip.

01:58:27.000 I go, he probably wants us to do this one because it's the flat tips.

01:58:30.000 No one's going to get hurt.

01:58:31.000 And then you fucking wailed two elk. 0.70

01:58:33.000 And then you go, let's go podcast, boys.

01:58:36.000 He just showed us all the toys and was like, don't touch these.

01:58:39.000 The problem with those toys is I can't teach you that quickly to use them.

01:58:43.000 We're going to embarrass ourselves.

01:58:45.000 We would have embarrassed ourselves big, but then we always say how much Dave Smith came on, talks with you after that individually.

01:58:52.000 Me and Lewis were like, why doesn't Joe embrace us the way he embraces Dave?

01:58:57.000 And then someone brought up the first picture we ever took here.

01:59:00.000 It's so funny.

01:59:01.000 It's the werewolf.

01:59:02.000 I am standing behind the werewolf like I'm fucking it.

01:59:06.000 I'm getting sucked off.

01:59:07.000 Lewis is acting like he's getting sucked off by the bear.

01:59:09.000 And Dave is just leaning in, touching it, going...

01:59:14.000 Dave had respect for you and your belongings.

01:59:16.000 We're like, oh, then explain.

01:59:21.000 That's hilarious.

01:59:22.000 The difference between us and Dave.

01:59:24.000 I wonder why Dave keeps going back.

01:59:27.000 Dave has his hand on the head gently.

01:59:29.000 Is Dave in the Rogan sphere?

01:59:29.000 Yeah.

01:59:31.000 We're trying to figure out how we get in the Rogan sphere.

01:59:32.000 My ochre sphere is worse.

01:59:34.000 Look, first of all, Shane doesn't need the Rogan sphere anymore.

01:59:37.000 Let's just move Shane out.

01:59:38.000 Move Big Jay into that position.

01:59:39.000 Doesn't require the Rogan sphere at all.

01:59:41.000 Ari's moving to fucking Thailand or something. 1.00

01:59:43.000 He's gone.

01:59:44.000 I'm ready.

01:59:44.000 I'm a wacky guy.

01:59:45.000 I'll shave half my head.

01:59:46.000 Ari's going to do a stint over there and bail. 1.00

01:59:49.000 Agreed.

01:59:49.000 I'm going to talk to him.

01:59:50.000 I'm going to call him up every day.

01:59:52.000 Fuck that place.

01:59:53.000 I'm going to call him up, plant it in his head.

01:59:54.000 I think we got Diaz coming here.

01:59:56.000 Oh, it's Austin?

01:59:57.000 Yeah.

01:59:58.000 Yeah, we talked about it this weekend.

01:59:58.000 That's great.

02:00:00.000 I saw him in Jersey for the fights.

02:00:02.000 So he's back in the sphere.

02:00:04.000 Fuck.

02:00:05.000 Come on, bro.

02:00:05.000 Yeah.

02:00:06.000 There's plenty of room for you guys.

02:00:07.000 You're in the sphere right now.

02:00:08.000 You're on the show.

02:00:09.000 Every time the Rogan sphere gets talked about, we never get a thing.

02:00:12.000 When Cat Williams said six unfunny comics, we knew it wasn't us.

02:00:16.000 I knew it wasn't us!

02:00:17.000 I would have been happy to be one of the six unfunny comics!

02:00:20.000 Cat probably has a point.

02:00:20.000 What is it?

02:00:23.000 He thought I wouldn't have him on.

02:00:26.000 I'm like, bro, I love you.

02:00:27.000 He's so funny.

02:00:28.000 I couldn't wait to have him on right away.

02:00:29.000 I reached out to him right away.

02:00:30.000 I go, that's not true.

02:00:31.000 I just haven't reached out to you because I didn't know if you wanted to do it.

02:00:35.000 I didn't know he wanted to do it.

02:00:35.000 Sure.

02:00:37.000 If I thought he wanted to do it, I would have had him on a long time ago.

02:00:39.000 He's an interesting story.

02:00:40.000 He might be one of my favorite stand-ups to watch a special of.

02:00:43.000 Because I have a hard time laughing at on-TV specials.

02:00:46.000 Pimp Chronicles?

02:00:47.000 Dude, he's fucking so funny, dude.

02:00:49.000 I'm not gonna lie.

02:00:49.000 Bro, Pimp Chronicles.

02:00:50.000 I need subtitles for it, but I genuinely don't know what he's saying.

02:00:54.000 But I know Cat Williams is very, very funny.

02:00:56.000 Pym Chronicles is a masterpiece.

02:00:57.000 It's a masterpiece.

02:00:58.000 He's so good.

02:01:03.000 There's something about him when he's cooking, too, when he's cooking, when he's, like, really on fire, it's different than everybody else.

02:01:09.000 He's sweating, and, you know, his fucking hair's throwing back, and just the tone of his voice and the way he repeats punchlines.

02:01:16.000 It's like, that guy gets cooking, man.

02:01:18.000 He gets cooking, and you watch the crowd.

02:01:20.000 They're just falling out of the chairs.

02:01:21.000 He does really long sets, too, right?

02:01:22.000 He does like an hour and a half?

02:01:24.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:01:25.000 He's a beast.

02:01:26.000 He's a wild boy.

02:01:27.000 At least.

02:01:28.000 He was on a drive, too.

02:01:29.000 I put him on the driving simulator.

02:01:31.000 He fucking killed it.

02:01:32.000 Oh, I always see him on World Star Hip Hop, he beats like pro athletes in races and shit all the time.

02:01:38.000 I believe it.

02:01:39.000 It's very weird.

02:01:40.000 Yeah, I believe it.

02:01:41.000 He still, what's funny is he also dresses though like the old black guy who comes to play basketball, so it looks like he's not gonna be that good. 1.00

02:01:41.000 And he talks about it. 1.00

02:01:46.000 And then he's like fast as shit.

02:01:48.000 Remember when you got beat up by a teenager?

02:01:49.000 Do you remember that?

02:01:50.000 That's the funniest thing in the world when he goes, This is him at our racing simulator.

02:01:54.000 By the way, he's doing it one hand.

02:01:56.000 Give me some volume.

02:01:59.000 Get in there.

02:02:01.000 Get in there.

02:02:02.000 There you are.

02:02:03.000 There he is.

02:02:04.000 That's when you have to fight that competition off that corn.

02:02:07.000 Cold.

02:02:10.000 How accurate is the simulator?

02:02:12.000 Pretty fucking good.

02:02:13.000 It's got gravity.

02:02:14.000 It turns you side to side.

02:02:17.000 It has crazy noises.

02:02:18.000 It feels like you're really drunk.

02:02:19.000 It's done.

02:02:20.000 Yeah.

02:02:24.000 And how do we do it like this?

02:02:26.000 Because we do this in real life.

02:02:29.000 If he was driving Uber, he'd be making a personal phone call right now.

02:02:32.000 I'm on the road to highway from the highway from America that will allow you to do this. 0.75

02:02:38.000 The roads, the highways, and the byways of America that will allow you to do this.

02:02:42.000 So he can drive.

02:02:44.000 He looks terrified.

02:02:46.000 No, he looks like he's on it, man.

02:02:49.000 Yeah, it's hard.

02:02:51.000 It's not a game.

02:02:52.000 No, the steering wheel reacts as if your tires would react at high speeds.

02:02:57.000 It's on a racetrack.

02:02:58.000 You guys ever do a racetrack?

02:02:59.000 You ever drive on a racetrack?

02:03:00.000 No.

02:03:00.000 I can't drive 35 miles an hour on a regular road.

02:03:03.000 I do believe in full trip.

02:03:05.000 When I did Burt's tour, one of the things we performed at a racetrack, and they had the pace car.

02:03:11.000 It was like a convertible.

02:03:13.000 And they took us all for like a couple loops, like individually.

02:03:16.000 One time they wanted us to film it.

02:03:18.000 And mine was so boring, because I was like smiling.

02:03:21.000 It was exhilarating the whole time, but they were like, you know, Bert's giving them, and people are going like, no, no, no, no, no!

02:03:26.000 Like, the corners are coming.

02:03:27.000 And they were like, you didn't freak out at all.

02:03:29.000 I go, I just had blind trust that they're not going to kill us.

02:03:32.000 Like, right?

02:03:32.000 Like, are they going to put us in real, like, are we going to start cartwheeling down the fucking road here?

02:03:36.000 I assume they're not going to do anything they don't know how to do perfectly.

02:03:39.000 This is why Bert's famous, because Bert's fun, and he reacts big, and you just sat there like, Nobody wants to watch that.

02:03:47.000 I know!

02:03:47.000 I should have overreacted.

02:03:48.000 People want to watch you screaming and fucking yelling and crying about your daughter.

02:03:52.000 Just be your daughter.

02:03:53.000 My daughter.

02:03:55.000 Don't worry about what people want.

02:03:57.000 I can't scream at that.

02:03:59.000 Remember the first time you guys did my nails on the show?

02:04:01.000 I freaked out about that.

02:04:02.000 Touching my cuticles. 0.84

02:04:04.000 Now he gets his nails painted by our Asian lady every week. 0.51

02:04:08.000 Now you have to once it gets done.

02:04:10.000 Every other week.

02:04:11.000 Lewis, I'm not a diva.

02:04:12.000 Is that a thing you feel connected to?

02:04:13.000 Like you have to keep doing that now?

02:04:15.000 Yes.

02:04:15.000 Is that a Burt Kreischer take your shirt off thing?

02:04:17.000 Oh, no, no, no.

02:04:18.000 Not like that.

02:04:19.000 No, it's more like connected to.

02:04:21.000 No, it's a gayer thing.

02:04:23.000 No, it's connected to I bit my nails forever, got my teeth fixed, can't bite my nails anymore.

02:04:28.000 They grew in raggedy.

02:04:29.000 I tried to take care of it myself and was just terrible at it.

02:04:32.000 They got my nails on the show one time.

02:04:33.000 As a bit.

02:04:34.000 Because if you just did this to Jay...

02:04:39.000 For some reason, it's a weird thing.

02:04:41.000 So we had an Asian lady come in, and we warned her. 1.00

02:04:43.000 We were like, listen, the type of show, the jokes we're going to make, she was so cool.

02:04:47.000 She barely spoke any English, but she was such a fun time. 0.95

02:04:50.000 And she did his nails on the show, and he screamed like a girl the whole time. 0.96

02:04:54.000 I didn't scream.

02:04:55.000 It was more like that, like, pull away.

02:04:57.000 I did not enjoy it.

02:04:59.000 Yeah, and then it became a thing where every week after that he came in with a new color nails.

02:05:03.000 Every other week.

02:05:06.000 I'm not a gay man. 0.81

02:05:10.000 No, but once they were done, then yeah, you can't really undo it.

02:05:13.000 I don't know what to do now.

02:05:15.000 I can't take care of him that good myself.

02:05:16.000 I can't make him look like that.

02:05:18.000 Just go get it done.

02:05:19.000 Yeah.

02:05:19.000 Who gives a fuck?

02:05:20.000 Yeah.

02:05:20.000 If that's what you like.

02:05:21.000 Everybody's got their own quirks, Lewis.

02:05:23.000 Leave him alone.

02:05:24.000 Yeah, Lewis, you chose to have nipple rings to connect. 1.00

02:05:26.000 I have one or had one nipple ring.

02:05:28.000 I can't believe you actually had one.

02:05:29.000 I was kidding.

02:05:29.000 I had one.

02:05:30.000 Did they connect like Xerxes?

02:05:31.000 No, no, I had a nipple ring.

02:05:32.000 had a lip ring.

02:05:33.000 I like, by the way, isn't the funniest thing you had all those things when you're, Yeah, yeah.

02:05:40.000 You never had a nipple ring?

02:05:41.000 You never had a nipple ring with pecs?

02:05:42.000 You had nipple rings with your tit? 1.00

02:05:45.000 It was like you looked sexy in tank tops.

02:05:47.000 I was so bad, dude.

02:05:48.000 Just a fat kid with a nipple ring for no reason. 0.93

02:05:49.000 Why'd you get it done?

02:05:50.000 I don't know.

02:05:51.000 I just wanted tattoos and piercings and shit.

02:05:53.000 I was surprised though.

02:05:53.000 I was young.

02:05:54.000 I kept from being fat my whole life also.

02:05:58.000 I kept my tattoos always to arms.

02:06:00.000 For the most part, I never did ones that I would have to take my shirt off for people to see.

02:06:04.000 Yeah, I wouldn't do a stomach tattoo.

02:06:05.000 No, but you had like here.

02:06:06.000 I have my chest tattoo.

02:06:08.000 It says on my own.

02:06:09.000 I got a woman when my mom died.

02:06:10.000 It says on my own?

02:06:11.000 I know.

02:06:11.000 On my own.

02:06:12.000 Isn't that ironic for a guy who owns a company and has a thousand friends and collaborates with people and everything he does?

02:06:17.000 He's on his own.

02:06:18.000 Well, he says on this side, a coattail rider.

02:06:21.000 You figured out early on, though, that the best way to not get pulled off of shit is to have your own network, though.

02:06:27.000 Yeah.

02:06:27.000 Like, Kumeya did that.

02:06:28.000 You guys did that.

02:06:29.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:06:31.000 What's funny is we were going like, for a few years it almost seemed like pointless because Patreon got so big.

02:06:37.000 But then with censorship, with YouTube and all these other platforms, now there's never been a better time for it.

02:06:41.000 Like, we have an uncensored version of the show, an ad-free version of the show.

02:06:44.000 We can say anything we want.

02:06:45.000 YouTube hunts us every time we get close to that plaque.

02:06:48.000 We've had our four YouTube channels taken down.

02:06:50.000 In the 90-something thousands of subscribers because they just start reviewing it then.

02:06:57.000 What gets pulled?

02:06:59.000 What's it about?

02:07:00.000 Most of the time it's actually our fucking dumb producers leaving in like nudity and shit like that.

02:07:06.000 YouTube relaxes moderation rules to allow more controversial content.

02:07:10.000 Oh, this is today?

02:07:12.000 Freedom of expression value may outweigh harm risk.

02:07:16.000 I love that.

02:07:16.000 That's great.

02:07:17.000 Good for YouTube.

02:07:18.000 Fuck yeah.

02:07:18.000 It is changing a little bit, which is good.

02:07:21.000 Well, the pendulum swings, right?

02:07:23.000 Corey Holm's podcast I was listening to the other day, and I was like, how is this?

02:07:26.000 Corey's wild.

02:07:27.000 He's so funny.

02:07:28.000 All the words you're not allowed to say.

02:07:30.000 So we bleep out all the no-no words, right?

02:07:33.000 This includes discussions of elections.

02:07:36.000 Ideologies, movements, race, gender, sexuality, abortion, immigration, and censorship.

02:07:40.000 Beautiful.

02:07:41.000 We're back.

02:07:43.000 Not remove anything considered to be in the public interest.

02:07:46.000 Oh, dude.

02:07:47.000 Interesting.

02:07:47.000 Oh, abortion, too.

02:07:48.000 So we could do that abortion now on the air. 0.92

02:07:50.000 Remember that live abortion? 0.83

02:07:51.000 We've been putting that bit off for years.

02:07:53.000 That would be a great bit.

02:07:55.000 Early term.

02:07:56.000 Everything that you can discuss is in the public interest, though.

02:08:00.000 I'm glad they changed it to that.

02:08:02.000 That's a great way of designing it.

02:08:04.000 Like jokes, like specifically, like I got my, on Instagram right now, they, I can't go live or advertise on Instagram for a year because I was talking about a bit that I did on my first special on Dan Soder's podcast about how I would get free cocaine in Mexico.

02:08:21.000 I went up the beach and like I would get samples of cocaine.

02:08:24.000 I just told the story about actually doing it and they flagged it and said we were promoting Like the sales of drugs, and I'm fucking fucked for a year now.

02:08:35.000 Jesus Christ.

02:08:36.000 It's like literally a joke.

02:08:37.000 You did put up the number of the dealer, though.

02:08:40.000 You put up the dealer's number?

02:08:41.000 No, no, no.

02:08:42.000 But that's what I did.

02:08:43.000 I would go up and down the beach, and I'd get a free sample of cocaine.

02:08:45.000 I'd go to the next guy, get another free sample of cocaine, go to the next guy.

02:08:49.000 I just did that all night until they caught on.

02:08:50.000 Until you were the leader of the cartel.

02:08:53.000 Yeah, they can get you for Rico charges now.

02:08:55.000 Yeah, that was the Cabo Comedy Festival, the shittiest comedy festival ever, like a decade ago.

02:09:01.000 Cabo Comedy Festival?

02:09:02.000 Then at the end of the night, I fucked like a 70-year-old woman. 0.97

02:09:05.000 She was gross. 1.00

02:09:07.000 Still hotter than the girl we brought to the UFC in Philly. 0.59

02:09:10.000 Was she?

02:09:11.000 No.

02:09:12.000 You fucked up with a couple of hilarious ones.

02:09:14.000 Old ladies? 1.00

02:09:15.000 Yeah, just like, oh, shit.

02:09:16.000 I think on Shiprocked one year you hooked up with a fucking doozy.

02:09:19.000 Oh, yeah.

02:09:20.000 She had like a really thick smoker's voice. 0.99

02:09:23.000 It's like, come to my cabin.

02:09:25.000 Jesus.

02:09:25.000 You're a little bit locked in on a cruise, especially a heavy metal cruise.

02:09:28.000 Oh, yeah.

02:09:29.000 There's no hot chicks on those cruises. 1.00

02:09:29.000 Heavy metal from the 90s. 1.00

02:09:31.000 Heavy metal cruise.

02:09:32.000 Yeah.

02:09:32.000 We did a thing called Shiprocked.

02:09:33.000 I've done it a bunch.

02:09:34.000 Dude, I was watching this documentary today on the Black Sea where all those cargo ships wind up sinking.

02:09:40.000 Have you ever seen ships going across the Black Sea?

02:09:43.000 It's apparently the most dangerous part of the ocean to cross.

02:09:46.000 For Lewis, where's the Black Sea?

02:09:49.000 Because I see his eyes are crossing.

02:09:51.000 I think it's across the top of the UK.

02:09:55.000 I'm not exactly sure.

02:09:56.000 But I watched this documentary about watching these fucking cargo ships get nailed by these monster waves.

02:10:02.000 I'm like, imagine being on a fucking cruise ship and some shit like that.

02:10:06.000 Oh my god, it's terrifying, dude.

02:10:07.000 A renegade wave goes sideways.

02:10:09.000 That's the Black Sea?

02:10:09.000 So where is it?

02:10:11.000 So where's that at?

02:10:14.000 Turkey?

02:10:14.000 See if we can find some videos of cargo ships getting fucked up on the Black Sea.

02:10:18.000 It's crazy.

02:10:19.000 The ocean's scary in general.

02:10:21.000 I've been surfing before and I'm just not good at it.

02:10:24.000 You feel the power of the fucking ocean.

02:10:28.000 I've done those cruise ships enough to be like, if you go off that boat, you're as good as dead.

02:10:33.000 They won't stop.

02:10:34.000 Look at this.

02:10:35.000 It snapped the cargo ship in two.

02:10:37.000 The wave was so big, it snapped this fucking ship in half.

02:10:41.000 Fuck that.

02:10:43.000 And this is nothing compared to some of the waves I've seen.

02:10:45.000 Some of the waves are fucking bananas.

02:10:47.000 Apparently if you fall off a cruise ship, they can't stop the ship.

02:10:51.000 Look at this shit.

02:10:52.000 Look at this shit.

02:10:56.000 Fuck that.

02:10:57.000 If you fall off a cruise ship, they can't turn around and get you?

02:11:00.000 There's more death by fire a year or by sea.

02:11:02.000 No, they have to call the Coast Guard or whatever to come and find you, but you're dead.

02:11:07.000 They give you coordinates that mean nothing.

02:11:09.000 Yeah, they throw some fucking donuts out to you.

02:11:11.000 Oh, Christ.

02:11:13.000 That's it.

02:11:13.000 You have to find the donuts in the ocean, and the ocean's fucking flopping.

02:11:16.000 It's insane, dude.

02:11:17.000 The worst part of that for me is that if I fell off, I'm holding onto a donut and hearing the sounds of Tesla slowly slink away.

02:11:26.000 Oh, they're doing acoustic signs?

02:11:28.000 Shit!

02:11:30.000 Take pictures, you bitch! 1.00

02:11:32.000 Yeah, there's a there's a cargo ship that's on fire right now in the And apparently one of them caught fire in the middle of the ocean.

02:11:43.000 That's why you can't put fucking electric cigarettes in your...

02:11:47.000 Right.

02:11:48.000 Same thing.

02:11:48.000 I pay attention to none of those rules.

02:11:50.000 Remember when those Samsung phones were lighting people's cars on fire?

02:11:52.000 Indian Coast Guard battles massive fire and container ship listed off Corella.

02:11:56.000 I don't think this is the one.

02:11:58.000 There's another one, Jamie, that's UVs.

02:11:58.000 It's in Indian?

02:12:02.000 It's all UV cars.

02:12:03.000 Isn't there theoretically people in some of those cargo things?

02:12:06.000 Cargo ship carrying UVs on fire.

02:12:09.000 Or EVs, sorry, EVs.

02:12:11.000 Is that just the wire or is that how they get people over sometimes?

02:12:14.000 There's people sometimes in those cargo things?

02:12:16.000 Oh yeah, no, that's real.

02:12:17.000 Yeah.

02:12:18.000 Yeah, that's it.

02:12:19.000 So that's filled with electric cars.

02:12:22.000 I wonder whose cars they are.

02:12:24.000 It just says EVs.

02:12:25.000 If it was Teslas, it would say cargo ship filled with Teslas.

02:12:29.000 They would throw Elon onto the bus for sure.

02:12:32.000 Yeah, I'm not sold in the electric car.

02:12:34.000 They're great when they work.

02:12:39.000 You never go to the gas station.

02:12:41.000 You just plug it in when you go to sleep at night.

02:12:43.000 It's easy.

02:12:44.000 I think you need your car to be more reliable than your phone.

02:12:47.000 Well, they're really reliable.

02:12:48.000 The thing is about driving them, like Teslas, they never fuck up.

02:12:51.000 I've had three of them.

02:12:52.000 I've never had a problem.

02:12:54.000 Really?

02:12:54.000 Yeah, nothing.

02:12:55.000 I had one problem with a windshield wiper motor.

02:12:57.000 Do you get rid of them because it's time?

02:12:57.000 It was simple.

02:12:59.000 It's a lease.

02:13:00.000 I get a lease.

02:13:00.000 So you get a new one, yeah.

02:13:01.000 Okay, so it's not like, you're not like, shit, this thing's starting to clear out.

02:13:04.000 No, well, they make them better every three years.

02:13:06.000 When do they peter out?

02:13:07.000 What's the death of a Tesla?

02:13:08.000 That's a good question.

02:13:09.000 You can get them, you know, that are many years old.

02:13:11.000 It's just their batteries degrade slightly over time.

02:13:15.000 So, like, if it first comes from the factory with 340 miles, you know, after, like, five, six, seven, eight years, it's probably got 280 miles or something like that, you know?

02:13:25.000 So that's all, just efficiency kind of goes down?

02:13:27.000 Yeah, but for driving around town, like, if you're just taking it to commute, it's easy.

02:13:31.000 You just plug it in when you go to bed at night.

02:13:33.000 You don't ever have to go to the gas station.

02:13:34.000 Again, silent.

02:13:35.000 They move faster than anything you've ever driven.

02:13:37.000 I mean, how quickly do you get a return on investment?

02:13:39.000 Because the amount of money you save in gas has to be like...

02:13:43.000 I'm wondering about the miles things.

02:13:44.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:13:44.000 I remember when I was a kid, and you remember this too, they would say, oh, Hondas are the best because you can get 200-some thousand miles at 300,000 miles.

02:13:52.000 I don't think that even exists anymore that a car is supposed to say.

02:13:55.000 Toyotas.

02:13:56.000 Yeah, you buy a Tacoma.

02:13:57.000 Those motherfuckers will last forever. 1.00

02:13:59.000 I got a Ram.

02:14:00.000 The reason I got the Acura was because Yeah, my buddy, really, Nick Rochefort, shout out Nick Rochefort, great comic, and he was like, dude, trust me, he was like, get an Acura.

02:14:10.000 He was like, it'll last 250,000 miles.

02:14:13.000 I'll give it to my kid when he graduates high school.

02:14:15.000 My friend Matt Farah had a Lexus with a million miles on it.

02:14:18.000 That was the other option too.

02:14:19.000 He said get a Lexus or an Acura.

02:14:21.000 Those are the two that have the greatest resale value and also just the shelf life of the car.

02:14:25.000 I've got a Ram and a Jeep.

02:14:27.000 America.

02:14:28.000 America.

02:14:29.000 Fuck yeah.

02:14:31.000 And we laugh at Toyota Tacomas.

02:14:33.000 Get that little stupid rice burner out of here. 1.00

02:14:35.000 I've got a couple of those Lexus SUVs, the 570s.

02:14:38.000 Fucking great car.

02:14:40.000 Great.

02:14:40.000 Comfortable as shit.

02:14:41.000 Big.

02:14:42.000 It's so smooth.

02:14:44.000 It never fucks up.

02:14:45.000 They never have problems.

02:14:46.000 Don't buy an Audi.

02:14:47.000 I'll tell you that much.

02:14:48.000 Why?

02:14:49.000 I just totaled my Audi.

02:14:50.000 It wasn't the Audi's fault.

02:14:52.000 It was a fender bender.

02:14:53.000 It was literally a fender bender.

02:14:55.000 That fender was going, dude.

02:14:56.000 That fender was softened up by all the other fender benders.

02:14:58.000 I was like, for sure, this is just an easy repair.

02:15:00.000 They came, they're like, yeah, this is totaled.

02:15:02.000 Each headlight is like $5,000.

02:15:04.000 It's insane.

02:15:05.000 What is your car worth?

02:15:06.000 The car was, I bought it at 70,000 when it was new.

02:15:11.000 I had it for four years, and then it depreciated in value to like $25,000, and the damage was like $22,000.

02:15:19.000 Wow.

02:15:20.000 Yeah.

02:15:20.000 Well, most of that was to take off the airbrushing you put on the side, you Puerto Rican dumbass.

02:15:25.000 That's fucked.

02:15:26.000 It was crazy.

02:15:27.000 I was so bummed.

02:15:29.000 You know what's a really great value if you want to get a car?

02:15:31.000 Get like a Mercedes S-Class from like five, six years ago.

02:15:35.000 Still amazing?

02:15:37.000 Honey, Mercedes S-Class, order it for me.

02:15:40.000 No, the old ones.

02:15:42.000 An old car?

02:15:43.000 Yeah, you can get them from, like, ten years ago, and they're fucking awesome, but they're, like, super cheap.

02:15:47.000 But they're so well engineered, they'll never break.

02:15:50.000 But for, like, less than, like, an Accord, a brand new Accord, you can get an S-Class from a while ago.

02:15:57.000 Well, I thought about that.

02:15:58.000 Is it possible to get, like, an old car?

02:16:00.000 Is there such a thing as a brand new old engine?

02:16:04.000 What do you mean?

02:16:05.000 So can you buy a brand new 2019 car?

02:16:08.000 Like what do they do with that one?

02:16:10.000 2019 is not even what I'm talking about.

02:16:11.000 Can you get like a 1997 Mustang and then somehow get a new that kind of motor in it?

02:16:18.000 Oh, 100%.

02:16:18.000 Like no computer, none of that shit in it.

02:16:21.000 Just like the one you could fix yourself?

02:16:23.000 You definitely can.

02:16:24.000 Brand new.

02:16:25.000 Yeah, there's companies that will do that for you.

02:16:26.000 For sure.

02:16:27.000 They'll make a car with a carburetor, the whole deal.

02:16:30.000 Most of them don't, though.

02:16:31.000 Most of them use a crate engine.

02:16:33.000 So what they'll do is, like, they take an old car, like a 68 Mustang, and they put a Coyote 5.0 in it, like a modern Ford eight-cylinder Coyote engine in it.

02:16:42.000 Yeah, the new ones.

02:16:43.000 So it has, like, an ECU.

02:16:44.000 It has, like, this little motherboard.

02:16:47.000 like you program it, you know, and it has electronic fuel injection.

02:16:50.000 I used to have a Grand Cherokee that when I got out of the car, sometimes...

02:17:01.000 I think it was the starter, possibly.

02:17:02.000 You had to clank it.

02:17:04.000 And it did start.

02:17:05.000 Why did you just get a new starter?

02:17:07.000 Why did you hit it with a hammer?

02:17:08.000 It just broke.

02:17:09.000 This was way back in the day, too.

02:17:11.000 So I got the car from, it was one of those, what do you call it, the auctions.

02:17:18.000 They've repoed cars and shit like that.

02:17:20.000 So it was a piece of shit.

02:17:23.000 When you open up, you could have a car for a year at this point, a brand new car, and open it up and it looks brand new because it's barely engine parts.

02:17:31.000 It's mostly computers.

02:17:32.000 It's like a big plastic covering over a computer, essentially.

02:17:35.000 Right, you can't get in there and work on it.

02:17:37.000 When you bring it in and go, hey, it's having a problem, they go, did the light go?

02:17:42.000 The light went away.

02:17:44.000 So the light's not on anymore, but it was there.

02:17:46.000 They could plug it in and find that there was a light that came on.

02:17:49.000 At some point, but they can't do anything to it if it's not happening.

02:17:52.000 There's not a thing where it's like there's this clicking.

02:17:52.000 You know what I mean?

02:17:54.000 It's probably a belt.

02:17:55.000 Those days are over, I think.

02:17:57.000 Oh, really?

02:17:57.000 I think so.

02:17:58.000 Hmm.

02:17:59.000 They seem confused by...

02:18:03.000 It's the dealership.

02:18:04.000 Oh, okay.

02:18:06.000 So they probably have everything connected to a computer program, and the computer program talks to the computers in the car.

02:18:12.000 I think that's what you have to do with everything now.

02:18:14.000 It's no more like a...

02:18:16.000 We knew our...

02:18:18.000 No, not Chuck and Larry.

02:18:19.000 That's the gay guys that got married.

02:18:21.000 Chuck and Al.

02:18:22.000 We're like, my mom's too like, now I think about it too.

02:18:25.000 She probably fucked Chuck or Al. 1.00

02:18:27.000 My mom really- Both of them.

02:18:28.000 Your mom?

02:18:29.000 My mom really threw the puss around to make sure we had what we needed when we were younger. 1.00

02:18:32.000 Not like in a prostitution way. 0.97

02:18:33.000 Good lady. 0.91

02:18:34.000 Yeah, it was a good lady.

02:18:35.000 But Chuck and Al was always our car mechanics.

02:18:38.000 Like for our car, just- You know, Tucker- They can't even be in business anymore with cars now.

02:18:43.000 Well, there's a lot of people that still have old cars.

02:18:45.000 They want to get them fixed up.

02:18:46.000 There's a lot of people that really just like driving analog old cars, you know?

02:18:50.000 But not enough for the amount of, like, auto shops there are.

02:18:52.000 But don't you hate when it's, like, a really famous guy?

02:18:54.000 Who's the famous guy who drives, like, an old pickup truck?

02:18:57.000 I want to say it's, like, Christian Bale.

02:19:01.000 Post Malone?

02:19:01.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:19:02.000 He drives an old Tacoma.

02:19:03.000 Yeah, like an old Ford or, yeah.

02:19:04.000 It's a Toyota, yeah.

02:19:06.000 I think Jimmy Butler, the athlete, does that.

02:19:07.000 But I just feel like he's doing it to be, like, cool.

02:19:09.000 It's like, bro, you fucking, you don't need to drive an old-ass truck.

02:19:12.000 I'll tell you, Post Malone showed up to a Shane show in a fucking muddy, Shitty big tires truck, and I believed him.

02:19:19.000 Yeah.

02:19:19.000 When he got out of it, I was like, this is his thing.

02:19:19.000 Does that make sense?

02:19:22.000 But he's also got a Lamborghini and a fucking, he's probably got a whole, you know.

02:19:25.000 Because he's hanging out with his country friends or his black rap friends.

02:19:28.000 He's got one of those Raptors with six wheels.

02:19:31.000 Yeah, that's his Christian Bills.

02:19:31.000 Yeah.

02:19:33.000 Same Toyota Tacoma since 2003.

02:19:36.000 It just bugs me for some reason.

02:19:37.000 They're bulletproof.

02:19:38.000 Keeps it clean.

02:19:39.000 Yeah, it's clean.

02:19:40.000 It's not raggedy.

02:19:41.000 But those things last forever, man.

02:19:42.000 They really last forever.

02:19:43.000 It's like, if you wanted a car that's going to last forever that you can buy right now, get a Toyota Tacoma.

02:19:47.000 They're fucking bulletproof.

02:19:49.000 They're so good.

02:19:50.000 Yeah, they just re-released one of these old-timey-looking trucks, and it's like vintage.

02:19:54.000 I think that's going to be another thing that starts happening.

02:19:56.000 It's like vintage-looking cars that are brand new.

02:19:59.000 Toyota did?

02:19:59.000 I don't know if it's Toyota or another...

02:20:05.000 You look like a jerk off though if you bought the novelty car of the time anyone is still rocking a fucking one of those like Union Jack A Fiat, you'd be an asshole.

02:20:17.000 Do you remember the PT Cruiser in the early 2000s, late 90s, where they were like, hey, everyone likes that ZZ Top car.

02:20:22.000 Let's make a very cheap version of that.

02:20:24.000 My mom had a Dodge Neon.

02:20:25.000 That was maybe the shittiest car that's ever been mass-produced.

02:20:28.000 Oh, I had a Dodge Neon.

02:20:29.000 You had to at some point.

02:20:30.000 It was 14 bucks.

02:20:32.000 Dude, I think it was $10,000, $100 a month, no money down.

02:20:36.000 Like, this was, like, the cheapest car ever.

02:20:38.000 It was such a piece of shit.

02:20:38.000 I think two companies ended up making it.

02:20:40.000 Oh, really?

02:20:41.000 I think it switched at one point from like Dodge to something, yeah.

02:20:43.000 Remember the Yugo?

02:20:45.000 It's so weird.

02:20:46.000 Yeah.

02:20:46.000 Yugos?

02:20:47.000 Or a Datsun.

02:20:48.000 Was it, was Yugo from Yugoslavia?

02:20:50.000 Is that who made it?

02:20:51.000 Is that why it's called the Yugo?

02:20:52.000 It was a garbage little car.

02:20:54.000 It's amazing how many cars I've been in that are now defunct.

02:20:57.000 They don't even make me with Mercurys, Sables, and shit like that.

02:21:00.000 But I have no trust or belief in a brand new.

02:21:04.000 Like car that comes out.

02:21:05.000 Well, Saturn doesn't exist anymore.

02:21:07.000 Saturn was like a brand that everybody had back in the 90s.

02:21:10.000 I trust Hyundai now.

02:21:11.000 Do not trust Kia.

02:21:12.000 Hasn't been long enough for some reason.

02:21:14.000 I don't know why that one sticks with Genesis.

02:21:17.000 That's Hyundai.

02:21:18.000 That's Hyundai's Lexus version.

02:21:20.000 You know, their high-end luxury version.

02:21:22.000 It's fucking really good, man.

02:21:23.000 Oh, because Lexus is Toyota.

02:21:24.000 Yeah, Hugo's Yugoslavian.

02:21:24.000 Yugoslavian.

02:21:26.000 That was a garbage car. 0.58

02:21:27.000 Yeah, I knew that from delivering auto parts.

02:21:29.000 That car was like $5.

02:21:31.000 It cost more for gas than the car.

02:21:33.000 What did you take your driver's test in?

02:21:35.000 Oh, man.

02:21:36.000 I wish I could remember.

02:21:37.000 I think I took it in my mom's Barracuda.

02:21:39.000 My mom had a 1970 Barracuda when I was a kid.

02:21:42.000 Nice.

02:21:42.000 I think Hums.

02:21:43.000 Oh, it was fun.

02:21:44.000 I was in a stick shift Chevette.

02:21:46.000 My mom's white stick shifts.

02:21:48.000 You gotta learn how to drive.

02:21:49.000 That's good though, to learn how to drive and do a driver's test on a stick.

02:21:52.000 Like you really know how to drive if you're a kid.

02:21:53.000 It is one of those feelings though where you're like, even my daughter, I'm like, it's a good skill to have driving stick and then she'll never be in a world where it will ever be necessary.

02:22:04.000 It was fun though.

02:22:04.000 I had an Audi Fox.

02:22:06.000 That was my first stick shift car.

02:22:12.000 It was this cool little fucking front-wheel drive, shitty 1973 car.

02:22:19.000 It was great, though.

02:22:21.000 Like, little four-cylinder.

02:22:22.000 It was like the first car that I had that was little, that can, like, move around.

02:22:25.000 I was like, this thing's fun.

02:22:26.000 and, like, learning how to shift.

02:22:27.000 Everything today is just...

02:22:29.000 you're barely connected to what you're driving.

02:22:32.000 You feel like the shifting is a lot.

02:22:35.000 Everything's smooth.

02:22:37.000 Back then, felt the cars.

02:22:39.000 Yeah, that's gone.

02:22:41.000 Well, that's why people like to drive old cars still.

02:22:43.000 I like to feel them, you know?

02:22:45.000 Yeah, if I had the money, I would get something.

02:22:47.000 That's why I said I asked about if you could do a new engine in a car.

02:22:50.000 You have money.

02:22:51.000 There's so many cars I missed.

02:22:51.000 You could get a car with a nice engine.

02:22:54.000 No.

02:22:55.000 You literally have two brand new cars.

02:22:57.000 You're not going to fix it yourself.

02:22:59.000 You're not going to fix it yourself.

02:23:03.000 Never.

02:23:03.000 So then find a mechanic.

02:23:06.000 That you trust.

02:23:08.000 Ask around.

02:23:09.000 Get a relationship with this mechanic and get a fucking cool car.

02:23:12.000 Not the same way your mom did, though.

02:23:14.000 Not that way.

02:23:15.000 Well, if I could.

02:23:17.000 Do you have a car, Louis?

02:23:19.000 Usually something from your child.

02:23:21.000 Maybe the dream changes.

02:23:24.000 The one with the actual hood ornament that was a Jaguar.

02:23:28.000 I looked it up a couple years ago.

02:23:30.000 I wanted to get an old-school Jaguar SJ6 or something, or whatever it was.

02:23:36.000 Early 90s?

02:23:37.000 Yeah, early 90s.

02:23:38.000 They were the coolest cars I've ever had.

02:23:39.000 I looked it up recently, and I found one for like nine grand.

02:23:41.000 It looked great, and then I was going to buy it, and then a friend of mine was like, dude, you literally, to get anything fixed on that car is crazy.

02:23:49.000 You'll never find the parts.

02:23:51.000 That is a tough one.

02:23:52.000 When I was young, the one that the cool kids had, that you're like, damn, I wish I had that, was that boxy-looking Mustang 5.0.

02:24:00.000 Oh! 0.60

02:24:01.000 The Vanilla Ice one.

02:24:03.000 The convertible.

02:24:04.000 Roland M5.0.

02:24:04.000 That's the exact one.

02:24:06.000 Rims on it and the convertible and that one just...

02:24:12.000 But talk about it changing.

02:24:13.000 When I was a little kid, this was one of the most hurtful, fat comments ever in my life.

02:24:18.000 When I was like, shh, dude, when I get older, I want to get a Mazda Miata.

02:24:21.000 That's going to be a fucking roller skate on your fat body. 1.00

02:24:24.000 And I was like, okay.

02:24:25.000 Well, I guess I'll get past the Miata.

02:24:27.000 And now sometimes you see one on the road still, and I still go, damn.

02:24:31.000 You ever seen those Miatas that they do conversions with? 1.00

02:24:33.000 They put a V8 in them?

02:24:35.000 Yeah, there was a company called Flying Miata and they sold it to another company that's in Florida that does it now.

02:24:40.000 I don't know what the name of it is, but they take a regular Miata and they stuff a big fucking aluminum GM crate engine in it.

02:24:49.000 And it's got like 500 horsepower.

02:24:52.000 It's madness.

02:24:53.000 And this tiny little car that weighs nothing.

02:24:55.000 Just lifts off the ground.

02:24:56.000 But apparently they are a riot to drive.

02:24:59.000 They're like the most fun cars to drive because they're super light with crazy power.

02:25:03.000 And these new engines are not that heavy, so it doesn't fuck with the balance that much.

02:25:07.000 It's like slightly heavier than the stock engine, but insane amounts of power.

02:25:11.000 And it sounds insane.

02:25:12.000 When we were down at a Nashville comedy festival, there was a guy...

02:25:26.000 And it was just like, the colors were crazy and it had some writing on it.

02:25:29.000 And we were so curious about it.

02:25:31.000 He won it in a sweepstakes.

02:25:32.000 He actually won a Lamborghini in a sweepstakes.

02:25:36.000 These are those cars.

02:25:37.000 Like, give me some volume so we can hear this thing.

02:25:39.000 The Miata?

02:25:40.000 Yeah, these are the flying Miatas. 1.00

02:25:44.000 Okay, that's not a Miata.

02:25:49.000 This is the Miata.

02:25:53.000 That sounds crazy.

02:25:54.000 But there's a new company that does it now.

02:25:57.000 It's not them and there's some better videos where they show like what the That thing was hugging the corners.

02:26:05.000 Imagine if Cat Williams, like, enters F1.

02:26:08.000 Oh, you never thought I could do it.

02:26:11.000 F1's really, like, right in the streets of a town.

02:26:13.000 Yeah, in Monaco.

02:26:15.000 They drive through the streets.

02:26:16.000 They do it in Vegas, too.

02:26:17.000 They did it in Canada.

02:26:20.000 Oh, did they really?

02:26:20.000 In Montreal.

02:26:21.000 I think one year the festival was there.

02:26:22.000 It was like they were preparing for F1.

02:26:23.000 Oh, wow.

02:26:24.000 It's wild.

02:26:25.000 They do it out here, but they do it at the Circuit of the Americas.

02:26:27.000 That's what that neon sign up there is.

02:26:30.000 Oh, really?

02:26:30.000 Our neon died, I think.

02:26:31.000 Did it die?

02:26:33.000 I think it died.

02:26:36.000 That fucking racetrack out here, Coda, it's awesome.

02:26:39.000 Watching Formula One, you can't imagine how fast they're going.

02:26:42.000 Oh, is that the place?

02:26:46.000 Is that the place?

02:26:46.000 I think I did one of those rock fests there backstage, or Oddball Tournament.

02:26:52.000 Is that the one that has the Overlook thing behind it?

02:26:54.000 Yes.

02:26:55.000 The F1 track?

02:26:55.000 Yes.

02:26:55.000 That's one of the...

02:26:57.000 I talk about getting over a fear in one day where I've never felt so.

02:27:00.000 It's got a...

02:27:19.000 Yeah, well, but it was concrete when I got to the glass part my I almost fell forward because my legs stopped Like my legs stop moving like my body shut down be like no no no we're not ready for the end of the night.

02:27:30.000 I'm terrified of heights.

02:27:31.000 Yeah, you should be.

02:27:32.000 By the end of the night.

02:27:32.000 Yeah, there it is dude, that's fucking No, I hate that.

02:27:35.000 And by the way, I don't think those red things were there when I was there.

02:27:38.000 Did I take the, on top of the, this, this, The Strat.

02:27:47.000 Oh, yeah.

02:27:47.000 They have a roller coaster at the top, and then they also have the ride that goes straight up and then just drops.

02:27:52.000 I went on it with my son.

02:27:54.000 My son has no respect for me anymore for this, dude.

02:27:56.000 Because I was sitting in the chair, literally just...

02:28:04.000 I was screaming like a woman. 0.93

02:28:06.000 Everybody was cackling at me.

02:28:07.000 my son was making fun of me and they didn't even go and then when they finally went up it was Even if I'm strapped in, oh my god, dude.

02:28:18.000 You should be.

02:28:19.000 I'm afraid of falling.

02:28:20.000 It's adorable.

02:28:21.000 If you're not, you're a freak.

02:28:23.000 Those freak climber dudes, they're just freaks.

02:28:25.000 Oh, the guys that jump from building to building?

02:28:28.000 No, the guy that climbs Mount Capitan with fucking chalk.

02:28:32.000 How about the thing that Ralph did that in New York you can do?

02:28:34.000 You can go to the top of some building, and they have a thing where it's like they have your...

02:28:42.000 But do you remember the sheriff showed to you?

02:28:43.000 You could take a picture, something in New York, where your feet are on the building and you're hanging off it over New York City.

02:28:51.000 Oh, fuck that.

02:28:51.000 Yeah, fuck that.

02:28:52.000 Fuck that.

02:28:53.000 But I'm not like a... 0.99

02:28:56.000 I maybe could have gotten talking to Skydiving Young.

02:28:59.000 I've had some people try to talk me into it as an adult.

02:28:59.000 Not a chance.

02:29:01.000 Bunchy jumping?

02:29:02.000 If my daughter's gotta tell the fucking story, if my daughter's gonna tell the story of her dad dying in a fucking...

02:29:10.000 Brian Redband's dad was working at this place.

02:29:10.000 Jerk off.

02:29:12.000 One of the people he's working with was a skydiver.

02:29:15.000 And always trying to get him to go, come on, come with us.

02:29:17.000 One day, goes to work.

02:29:18.000 They're not there.

02:29:19.000 What happened?

02:29:21.000 No.

02:29:25.000 Just didn't open.

02:29:26.000 didn't open.

02:29:27.000 That was a There was a thing called McCloskey on Netflix years ago.

02:29:32.000 Was it a documentary?

02:29:33.000 It was, in fact, a documentary about a...

02:29:46.000 And when he landed, he was being chased by the rangers and the cops to arrest him, and he went in the water with his parachute and everything, got caught up and died.

02:29:56.000 He drowned in the water, I believe.

02:29:58.000 Then they did a thing on the news, they did a, they were doing like a base jumping.

02:30:03.000 You know, for this guy, like, immortal of him.

02:30:05.000 Like, it was a demonstration.

02:30:06.000 It was like, it shouldn't be illegal.

02:30:08.000 So what they were doing was people were jumping, parachuting down, and when they landed, it was almost, like, organized.

02:30:14.000 The cops would then arrest them.

02:30:16.000 They were all getting arrested for doing it, but that was their protest, that we're all going to do it.

02:30:19.000 You're going to have to arrest us all.

02:30:21.000 And then while they're doing all that, just in the background, you just see someone go, just, like, way in the background.

02:30:26.000 Oh, God!

02:30:28.000 It's like, yes, this is why this is stupid!

02:30:30.000 Yeah, fuck all that.

02:30:31.000 I've never had any of that adventurous shit in me.

02:30:34.000 I've gone skiing, which I feel like is adventurous enough for me.

02:30:38.000 Killed a Kennedy and Sonny Bono.

02:30:39.000 But it's actually really dangerous, dude.

02:30:41.000 Skiing is like fucking wildly dangerous.

02:30:45.000 Just sometimes I was in Park City and you're just You're just going and going and going.

02:30:53.000 But there's times where I'm going to the edge, and all it takes is just a little less control, and you just fly off the edge of a thing, and you're done.

02:31:01.000 How do cars not go off up in the canyons in the ballet every year, like tons of them?

02:31:01.000 Oh, yeah.

02:31:05.000 They do.

02:31:06.000 Constantly?

02:31:07.000 Isn't that how Tiger Woods crashed?

02:31:09.000 He went off one of those cliffs?

02:31:11.000 Isn't that what happened, Jamie?

02:31:12.000 No, not quite.

02:31:13.000 I thought he just hit a tree.

02:31:13.000 Not quite?

02:31:15.000 There was one guy who was tweeting, who was like a famous plastic surgeon.

02:31:18.000 He was like tweeting and they discovered that he was tweeting at the very same area where he fell off the fucking cliff.

02:31:25.000 So he was just like texting while he was driving and not paying attention.

02:31:28.000 He went off the side.

02:31:29.000 That's the most two in ten moment of my life when I'm going over those, like through the Hollywood Hills.

02:31:36.000 It's crazy that you're able to drive that close to, like, certain death.

02:31:39.000 Yeah.

02:31:40.000 Oh, well, how about the fucking drive up to San Francisco if you take the coast?

02:31:45.000 There's times where the left side of you is just cliff.

02:31:49.000 There's, like, famous places, like, in the world, like, in just other countries where, I mean, I've been to a few countries where you're driving, there's no rail, your tires are just, like, along the edge, like, almost hanging off.

02:31:49.000 Yeah.

02:32:02.000 It's fucking terrifying.

02:32:03.000 Yeah.

02:32:04.000 Fucking dumb other countries. 0.95

02:32:06.000 Oh man, there's some wild countries where the only way to get is these fucking rows through the mountains and sometimes there's boulders that fell in the way and you gotta move the fucking landslide and hope it doesn't hit you while you're driving.

02:32:18.000 It's amazing all the years of driving for comedy and how long I've driven.

02:32:21.000 Never seen a falling rock once.

02:32:23.000 Not once.

02:32:24.000 That is amazing.

02:32:24.000 Science is falling rock.

02:32:25.000 Never seen a falling rock any time ever.

02:32:27.000 I've only seen it on the internet.

02:32:28.000 Never hit a deer?

02:32:28.000 It's crazy.

02:32:29.000 You never hit one deer?

02:32:30.000 I was on a tour bus that hit a deer once.

02:32:32.000 That was pretty normal.

02:32:33.000 I hit a rabbit recently.

02:32:35.000 Oh, yeah.

02:32:36.000 I tried, though.

02:32:37.000 No.

02:32:37.000 Oh, did you?

02:32:38.000 I thought you meant with your foot when you killed them both.

02:32:39.000 No, I did.

02:32:40.000 That actually happened to me recently.

02:32:41.000 I was moving my lawn furniture because my fucking mech And I'm moving it back, and I felt my foot go into the ground, and I heard beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

02:32:53.000 And these baby bunnies jumped out of a bunny's nest, which apparently they're underground.

02:32:57.000 And yeah, they fucking...

02:32:57.000 I had no idea.

02:33:02.000 Piece of shit.

02:33:04.000 What a piece of shit, dude.

02:33:06.000 Come on.

02:33:06.000 They're just here trying to live the American dream, dude.

02:33:09.000 Yeah, the one jumped in my pool and went belly up, and I thought it was dead.

02:33:12.000 I scooped it out with a skewer, threw it in the garbage.

02:33:14.000 My girlfriend was like, "Are you sure it's dead?" I was like, "I'm positive it's dead." Did you try feeding her carrots?

02:33:19.000 She really did bring carrots out to these little broken bunnies. 1.00

02:33:21.000 I was like, "They don't want your carrots." Did they live?

02:33:24.000 Stop trying to what's up.

02:33:25.000 They did actually.

02:33:26.000 I thought they were going to die for sure.

02:33:27.000 Because I called...

02:33:28.000 It was on Memorial Day.

02:33:29.000 And I called like...

02:33:48.000 You should have glued their hands to their genitals and then hung them from something and be like, oh, another auto-asphyxiation gone wrong. 0.98

02:33:57.000 Great.

02:33:57.000 The guy from InXS, David Carradine, and now these rabbits?

02:34:00.000 So he either lived or a hawk came and got him eventually.

02:34:02.000 Do you think that some of those auto-asphyxiation guys were murdered and they were set up to be humiliated and look that way?

02:34:10.000 No, I think, yeah.

02:34:10.000 Do you see now that now they try to take the jerking off part away from all those stories.

02:34:15.000 Really?

02:34:16.000 Yeah.

02:34:16.000 How many stories are you reading that are autoerotic asphyxiation tests?

02:34:20.000 None.

02:34:20.000 But he's watched a whole documentary on it.

02:34:22.000 I'm going to have my own documentary.

02:34:22.000 No.

02:34:24.000 Soundgarden, jerked off to death.

02:34:26.000 Linkin Park, jerked off to death.

02:34:27.000 Anyone who hangs themselves?

02:34:28.000 You mean Chris Cornell?

02:34:29.000 Yes.

02:34:30.000 I don't think he was jerking off to death, was he?

02:34:32.000 This is Jay's theory.

02:34:34.000 Is this a theory?

02:34:35.000 It's a strong theory.

02:34:36.000 Did you make it yourself?

02:34:37.000 Yes.

02:34:38.000 Oh.

02:34:40.000 There's no evidence.

02:34:41.000 There's no evidence.

02:34:42.000 You don't hang yourself from a fucking doorknob that low when you're not trying to...

02:34:51.000 100%?

02:34:51.000 They pass out.

02:34:52.000 That's it.

02:34:53.000 Yes, 100%.

02:34:55.000 You heard it here first.

02:34:58.000 Robin Williams.

02:34:58.000 Robin Williams, they said, put a note, but again, I think now the fact...

02:35:08.000 That made news they died from that.

02:35:10.000 How good could it possibly feel?

02:35:12.000 You ever get choked during sex?

02:35:14.000 I've had people call in.

02:35:15.000 To get choked out, like, while you're nuttin'.

02:35:17.000 I've heard people call in.

02:35:18.000 It's probably pretty good, dude.

02:35:19.000 People say it mimics, a lot of times, former addicts do it, because it mimics the feeling of the high of heroin.

02:35:25.000 That's what they said.

02:35:26.000 But that's just people who've called in to say that.

02:35:30.000 Who knows?

02:35:32.000 Because Michael Hutchinson and David, when you think of their name, before you think of even NXS or any of the songs, you're like, oh yeah, he died.

02:35:40.000 Jerking off.

02:35:41.000 David Carradine and all those movies.

02:35:42.000 Died jerking off.

02:35:43.000 So now, they'd rather have you think they were just depressed and going through it than saying that because that's all you're going to be known for now.

02:35:49.000 Right.

02:35:50.000 It's probably pretty great.

02:35:51.000 It's not a bad theory if the family can hide that information.

02:35:55.000 Wouldn't you?

02:35:55.000 Isn't it important that he was jerking off?

02:35:56.000 He killed himself.

02:35:58.000 The world doesn't need to know he was jerking off while he killed himself.

02:36:00.000 Well, you'd rather feel that it was on purpose because he was desperate and sad than he was such a weirdo that he had to jerk off and hang himself from a fucking doorknob.

02:36:09.000 I heard there's a conspiracy involving the David Carradine one.

02:36:12.000 I think David Carradine had run afoul with some shady characters.

02:36:16.000 Yeah, five Venoms, dude. 0.87

02:36:18.000 I think it was in Thailand.

02:36:20.000 Wasn't it in Thailand or something like that?

02:36:22.000 He's actually Kung Fu.

02:36:23.000 Is there a conspiracy theory?

02:36:25.000 We should call Sam Tripoli.

02:36:27.000 He roamed the earth bringing HPV to foreign lands.

02:36:31.000 He was Kung Fu when I was a kid.

02:36:33.000 When I was a little kid, he was the guy that was doing martial arts on TV.

02:36:36.000 Hi Chang Kane.

02:36:38.000 Everybody called everybody Grasshopper back then.

02:36:41.000 Yeah, but getting choked while you have sex rules.

02:36:43.000 All right, bring it back up.

02:36:44.000 I guess we'll talk about it.

02:36:45.000 He's hanging on it.

02:36:46.000 David Carradine was wearing fishnet stockings and a dark wig when his body was found hanging in a Bangkok hotel room.

02:36:54.000 Grainy images printed in the tabloid, Ty Rath, reportedly show kung fu actors suspended from a clothing bar in a closet.

02:37:00.000 Red woman's lingerie appears to be in the bed adjacent to the body.

02:37:03.000 Oh, this is somebody who hated him.

02:37:05.000 Yeah, this might be, right?

02:37:14.000 How would one do that to themselves?

02:37:16.000 Sorrid details of Kill Bill Starr's sexual life began to surface as the photos generated more questions about the actress' mysterious death.

02:37:23.000 That seems like you couldn't do that yourself, unless you're really, really ingenious.

02:37:27.000 How do you, how do you bound, it says hands bound above his head.

02:37:33.000 How you do that?

02:37:34.000 And a rope around your neck, wrist, and genitals. 0.73

02:37:37.000 You need a really cool friend.

02:37:38.000 How are you doing that?

02:37:39.000 One-inch punch.

02:37:41.000 One-inch punch, dude.

02:37:43.000 Are you pulling it tight with your hands?

02:37:46.000 What?

02:37:47.000 Okay, yeah, let's fuck that.

02:37:49.000 It's starting to get carried away.

02:37:50.000 It's starting to look real gross.

02:37:52.000 Yeah, there's a lot of accusations involving.

02:37:55.000 He's giving his wiener the old five-finger death punch, but I mean if what are the like standards of like a Do they really want to investigate?

02:38:06.000 They probably just gotta kill themselves.

02:38:07.000 I don't want to touch that.

02:38:08.000 It's icky.

02:38:09.000 How is it auto-erotic asphyxiation if his hands are tied up, too, above his head?

02:38:14.000 That's the weird thing.

02:38:15.000 I never saw that before.

02:38:16.000 Those hands were above his head.

02:38:17.000 That sounds like he got killed.

02:38:18.000 That sounds like somebody walked away.

02:38:20.000 Well, it's one of those things that might have gotten carried away and somebody just left because they were like, whoop, he's dead.

02:38:24.000 Maybe a lady was giving him head and then he came and then blacked out and she couldn't get him off the ropes.

02:38:30.000 Just fucking booted out of there.

02:38:32.000 Not like Lincoln Park and Soundgarden, who are just jerking to each other's music.

02:38:36.000 I think some of them are just depressed, dude.

02:38:38.000 Bourdain was just depressed.

02:38:40.000 But who hangs?

02:38:41.000 There's so many faster ways to take care of the situation.

02:38:44.000 They don't have anything around them other than a rope, and it's an impulsive decision.

02:38:48.000 And it's also like a romantic way to kill yourself.

02:38:51.000 It's like, who's got rope?

02:38:53.000 I got rope in my garage.

02:38:55.000 You need cord.

02:38:57.000 Your jizz sock from all your auto-erotic disassociation?

02:39:00.000 The guy that was connected to the Clintons that hung himself with an electrical cord and then shot himself in the chest with a shotgun?

02:39:08.000 From 40 yards away?

02:39:10.000 Yeah, it looks a little sus, as the kids like to say.

02:39:13.000 If you had to kill yourself, Joe, how would you kill yourself?

02:39:15.000 If you had to.

02:39:16.000 Well, gun is definitely the best way, right?

02:39:18.000 Because it's quick.

02:39:19.000 What if you shoot like your front lobe off?

02:39:21.000 Don't do that.

02:39:23.000 Put it in your mouth like a real man. 1.00

02:39:24.000 That was the fucking Richard Jennings.

02:39:26.000 And then choke yourself. 0.52

02:39:27.000 He missed.

02:39:28.000 Yeah, he missed.

02:39:29.000 And died later.

02:39:29.000 Yeah, he died in the hospital.

02:39:30.000 That'd be my biggest fear is like shooting, like just angling it wrong and then just...

02:39:38.000 He just took off the front of his face and was blind and lived.

02:39:42.000 Yeah.

02:39:43.000 Life is now worse.

02:39:45.000 Richard Jennings takes his life.

02:39:46.000 Dave Coulier never even tried to take his own life.

02:39:48.000 Richard Jennings was funny.

02:39:50.000 Very funny.

02:39:51.000 Back in the day, he was the fucking man.

02:39:53.000 He was depressed that he never wound up being a movie star.

02:39:55.000 He wanted to be the next Jim Carrey, you know?

02:39:58.000 He did.

02:39:59.000 Yeah, he got close with the mask, and they said it just made him more bummed.

02:40:03.000 It's crazy, because he's like, to us, all the comics back then, he was the guy, you know?

02:40:09.000 Well, he was on all those shows.

02:40:10.000 Were you doing comedy at a time?

02:40:11.000 Do you have performances on like A-List and Stand-Up Spotlight or VH1?

02:40:18.000 I did a bunch of those.

02:40:19.000 Caroline's Comedy Hour was a biggie?

02:40:19.000 Yeah, I did a bunch of those.

02:40:21.000 Yeah, I did that.

02:40:21.000 I did MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour.

02:40:24.000 That was Paulie, right?

02:40:25.000 No, that was Paulie.

02:40:26.000 It was totally Paulie.

02:40:28.000 MTV Half Hour Comedy Hour was another show they would do.

02:40:31.000 You know, do like 10 minutes or something.

02:40:33.000 I forget what the time was.

02:40:34.000 VH1 did one of those with Rosie O'Donnell kind of hosted them or something.

02:40:37.000 Yep, yep, yep.

02:40:39.000 It seemed like it was a pretty fun time in comedy.

02:40:42.000 Comedy was pretty polluted with, like, a lot of same old, same old at the time.

02:40:47.000 But, I mean, like, what a time to kind of, like...

02:40:52.000 he couldn't get a grasp on like the change that I was experiencing that he because he was kind of like And I'd go, absolutely.

02:41:02.000 And you go, aren't you headlining this place yet?

02:41:04.000 It doesn't work like that anymore.

02:41:06.000 Because he's from a time where they said if you got an hour of comedy together, then you...

02:41:10.000 Well, Dave was way out of his time.

02:41:12.000 tour that hour of comedy.

02:41:15.000 You need a place to book you.

02:41:16.000 Well, Dave, before, I mean, back when I started, this is 21 years ago, people would just have their act.

02:41:21.000 Do you remember Seinfeld's documentary where he was like, he's like, I'm going to get rid of my act after 20 years and have a new hour.

02:41:26.000 It's like, that's what everyone does now.

02:41:27.000 The standard of comedy has changed so much.

02:41:30.000 But I feel like Attell was always like that.

02:41:30.000 Yeah.

02:41:31.000 He would turn over.

02:41:32.000 He was very prolific.

02:41:34.000 No, no, no, for sure.

02:41:34.000 I'm saying he didn't get that change that now you have to be able to sell tickets.

02:41:39.000 Right.

02:41:40.000 To get both places first.

02:41:41.000 It wasn't just like, well, you're one of the comics who has an hour in the country.

02:41:44.000 Yeah.

02:41:45.000 There was a time when it was that.

02:41:46.000 It was like these guys just, I think it was like the two coasts, really, was all of it.

02:41:49.000 You know I mean none of the internet I think really opened it up to the rest of the country and it's like saturation Yeah, you used to be able to go to clubs and build a market So you just keep returning you turn like once a year and after a few years people come to see you like oh big J's coming He's really funny last time San Fran punchline Stress Factory or maybe two of the only clubs that really I know there's more oh the Providence comedy connection let me go there and Have enjoyed watching it be like, you know, giving me a couple hundred dollars for a weekend to change over the years.

02:42:18.000 I remember I opened for you, you made $600 for the weekend as the headliner.

02:42:22.000 Yeah.

02:42:23.000 Yeah, they give you a chance.

02:42:24.000 And if you're good, and they know you're good, and they give you a chance, the people trust them, because they've got a long history of booking good comedy.

02:42:29.000 It's like, who's this guy?

02:42:30.000 Is he good?

02:42:31.000 Ah, let's take a chance.

02:42:32.000 Right, but places got afraid.

02:42:33.000 I remember that hurt so much.

02:42:35.000 I opened for Steve-O when he first started doing comedy.

02:42:39.000 And I'd done DC Improv with the Tail and stuff before, and I did that weekend.

02:42:43.000 I hate when you go hat in hand to places and you get bad news.

02:42:47.000 I remember going to the booker there, who was someone who's so friendly to me now, and she's great, but it was so hard.

02:42:53.000 I go, hey, I'd love to come back and headline, even like on an off weekend, what people don't want to do, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving, whatever.

02:42:59.000 And she goes, yeah, I'd love to, but you don't sell any tickets.

02:43:03.000 So it's all about selling tickets.

02:43:04.000 And she's like, I kind of laid it out like that.

02:43:06.000 And I just thought, I was like, well, how do you...

02:43:09.000 Making that happen.

02:43:10.000 It's pretty when we started like Legion of Skanks and stuff Yeah podcasting sort of created an opportunity for comics to the best Yeah.

02:43:17.000 Build an audience.

02:43:18.000 People, they know us.

02:43:19.000 They feel like they're really like sitting here with us.

02:43:22.000 Well, they really are, right?

02:43:24.000 And we talk like this if we were in the green room.

02:43:26.000 The difference between podcasts and everything else is we're really talking just the way we talk.

02:43:30.000 Yeah.

02:43:31.000 You know?

02:43:31.000 Everyone also gets mad, too, at, like...

02:43:39.000 I've learned also to stop having that, because people get too much wrapped into that.

02:43:42.000 Like, there's a social media comic.

02:43:44.000 Or there's a whatever.

02:43:45.000 Buddy, I don't know.

02:43:46.000 My ex-wife does comedy, and people ask me, like, are you mad that she does comedy? 0.94

02:43:49.000 I can't judge why anybody gets involved in it.

02:43:52.000 I got involved in it because somebody suggested it to me.

02:43:53.000 It's crazy to even want to.

02:43:55.000 To care.

02:43:56.000 Like, who gives a fuck?

02:43:56.000 It's like, why'd you do that?

02:43:57.000 He goes, oh, because I was having funny tweets, so I figured I'd give it a shot.

02:43:59.000 Like, okay.

02:44:00.000 It seems like a good enough reason as anybody else starts.

02:44:02.000 The first decade, you don't even...

02:44:05.000 Like, what is the path to, like, even making money?

02:44:08.000 You're just doing it blindly, going, like, I hope something happens eventually.

02:44:11.000 People get mad because I think there is a path now to making money very quick, and people are doing it.

02:44:16.000 And so it's that, it's the Howard Stern used to shit on, it was that famous thing with him and Ari, shit on the idea of podcasts.

02:44:23.000 But when people were shitty about that, I always understood his anger, at least, I don't agree with it, but I understand when he did the AM rate.

02:44:29.000 Well, his anger didn't make sense because he was already super famous.

02:44:32.000 No, but his argument was saying, I had to do AM shift, 2 AM to 6 AM, in this shitty town, and I had to do this, and I played music until they realized it would be better to let me talk 10 years later.

02:44:44.000 And he went through all that.

02:44:45.000 It's just like, well, you could flip on a switch, and if you have an audience already, or connected to somebody who has an audience, like...

02:44:52.000 Like, you're just doing it now.

02:44:53.000 Well, also the difference is we all hang out with each other and do each other's podcasts, whereas those radio guys all fucking hated each other.

02:44:59.000 Right.

02:45:00.000 Like Howard Stern, Hideo, and Anthony.

02:45:02.000 Yeah, they would talk shit about each other all the time.

02:45:04.000 Obi-Anthony used to have, what was it, Jocktober?

02:45:07.000 Where they would just find shitty radio shows and they would have their fans torture them for an entire month.

02:45:07.000 Jocktober.

02:45:13.000 Oh, so funny.

02:45:13.000 Yes.

02:45:14.000 Fucking brutal.

02:45:14.000 Brutal.

02:45:16.000 Yeah, Cutthroat.

02:45:16.000 Cutthroat.

02:45:17.000 Podcast doesn't have to be.

02:45:18.000 Right.

02:45:20.000 It could only be the one big radio guy in Philly, you know?

02:45:23.000 And if Stern was coming into Philly, and if they were gonna open up like a syndication thing, he was gonna talk crazy shit on the big guy in Philly, whoever it was, or whatever city it was.

02:45:31.000 I do feel it's interesting watching, I wonder if this happens with every generation.

02:45:34.000 The comedy dollar gets stretched though, 'cause it is kind of funny.

02:45:37.000 Not that it necessarily hurt.

02:45:38.000 I think the, now with like having these kind of like, I'm opening for Shane at some of these arenas and stuff, it's amazing.

02:45:44.000 He's getting like 18, 20 some thousand people into these places and doing it.

02:45:49.000 One, that's very difficult to think of new jokes when you're doing comedy like that all the time.

02:45:53.000 Well, you do clubs.

02:45:54.000 For sure.

02:45:55.000 You have to.

02:45:55.000 No, I do clubs.

02:45:56.000 No, but I mean you have to.

02:45:57.000 Like a Shane will do clubs.

02:45:58.000 Oh, no, for sure.

02:45:59.000 Of course.

02:46:00.000 I'm just saying a ticket to see someone in an arena, it's before they'd be able to see everyone they loved was coming through the improv or whatever, and then a couple were doing theaters.

02:46:08.000 Right.

02:46:09.000 Like, now it's like, it's a fucking night out at, like, a sporting event to go see comedy, where it's like, they might not have the money next week to go see...

02:46:17.000 I think it has changed.

02:46:18.000 It's interesting in that way.

02:46:19.000 Well, there's some people that just don't want to spend that kind of money to go to an arena anyway, and they'd rather go see someone in a club.

02:46:25.000 It's a better experience.

02:46:25.000 Sure.

02:46:26.000 That's how comedy is supposed to be.

02:46:27.000 The best experience, though, in an arena is in the round.

02:46:30.000 That's how Shane does it.

02:46:31.000 It's like a giant club.

02:46:32.000 It's like a giant club.

02:46:32.000 It's nuts.

02:46:33.000 Because the people on this side are watching the people on that side laugh, and you're all laughing at each other.

02:46:38.000 It's very intimate, weirdly, even though there's like 16,000 people.

02:46:41.000 The only comedy I don't love at all...

02:46:47.000 Theaters is impersonal from the crowd enough and also personal enough that you could still do bad.

02:46:53.000 They could turn on you at theater, possibly, if you're not the person they're there to see.

02:46:57.000 Or even if, you know what I mean?

02:46:59.000 There was like a Nick Swardson thing where they turned on him.

02:47:01.000 Well, he was lit on edibles.

02:47:03.000 He couldn't remember what the fuck he was talking about.

02:47:05.000 They weren't with him no matter what.

02:47:07.000 They did turn on him.

02:47:08.000 Something about the arena, and again, Shane's doing an hour at these things, which is impressive as hell.

02:47:13.000 For the 20 minutes I have to do, it's like, how could this go bad?

02:47:17.000 Like, it's just, if anyone's laughing in there, it sounds like a million people laughing.

02:47:21.000 Well, Shane had a guy open for him.

02:47:23.000 I don't want to trash the guy.

02:47:24.000 I heard it was a sound issue, though.

02:47:26.000 But he just like, dude, he just started getting booed.

02:47:29.000 Dude, getting booed out of an arena is crazy.

02:47:32.000 I mean, you have to feel like...

02:47:42.000 I've seen it on Kill Tony.

02:47:43.000 It happened to a comic.

02:47:44.000 Kill Tony arena shows too.

02:47:45.000 Somebody will do two jokes in a row that bomb and then the crowds like fuck this guy and then it's almost fun.

02:47:51.000 I think it's because people are in that environment.

02:47:52.000 They think it's fun to do it.

02:47:54.000 How about T.J. when T.I. got booed at something when he was doing comedy like at a big arena?

02:47:59.000 Oh, yeah.

02:47:59.000 Well, it wasn't, you know, it didn't have it tight.

02:48:01.000 No, he sure didn't.

02:48:02.000 You can't do that.

02:48:03.000 You can't just jump into, you know.

02:48:05.000 But you can just lose himself.

02:48:06.000 Damien Lemon, very, very funny comic.

02:48:09.000 He did like the Hot 97. Summer Jam comedy thing and like they turned on him hard and when it turns, it turns.

02:48:14.000 Or the most famous one of all, Bill Burr on the Traveling Virus Tour, Opie and Anthony back in the day in Philly.

02:48:19.000 Well, that's because they had turned on Dom Herrera before.

02:48:22.000 Yeah, and then he came out and he said, fuck this crowd and he spent 15 minutes just shitting.

02:48:27.000 It's one of the most beautiful moments.

02:48:28.000 Legendary.

02:48:29.000 Legendary moments in comedy.

02:48:30.000 I'm from Philly and it's one of my favorite lines ever about Philly that is indicative of that town that I love.

02:48:35.000 He says, Joe Frazier's from here who beat Muhammad Ali.

02:48:41.000 No statues to him, no nothing.

02:48:43.000 And you have a statue of a fictitious Italian heavyweight.

02:48:47.000 He's like, you piece of shit threw batteries at Santa Claus.

02:48:49.000 Fuck this town.

02:48:52.000 That's a classic.

02:48:53.000 And he kept rattling off, seven more minutes.

02:48:56.000 I know that's funny.

02:48:57.000 He had to quit that tour because everywhere he went then, they would start booing him because they'd be like, do Cleveland now.

02:49:02.000 Yeah, that was like that was like this before viral videos were happening like that, right?

02:49:07.000 It was such shitty grainy footage But that's when I I mean maybe my first year in comedy that happened a couple years in and you just seeing that and it's like It's such a comics moment where you're like yes, just fucking well It's a big pin.

02:49:19.000 It's a big moment to have in comedy I said a few of them when you when silence doesn't scare you anymore Or just the mo just I could talk into a microphone especially for 15 minutes Under any circumstance, you know, I mean like it'll suck If it's terrible, they're already booing.

02:49:34.000 Go out in the very beginning, there's no one there.

02:49:35.000 But, like, I'm not afraid of the moment.

02:49:37.000 That's a big thing to get over, and that's what, you know, being scared for the moment.

02:49:42.000 That's why I said Duel overseas the first time.

02:49:44.000 I was like, do they even understand English here in England?

02:49:47.000 The first five minutes, if you're doing a headlining set that's not going well, and you're like, oh, fuck, it's going to be another hour.

02:49:54.000 God damn it.

02:49:55.000 Are you a long time guy or do you try to do like when you headline something?

02:49:59.000 I do an hour.

02:50:00.000 An hour.

02:50:00.000 Yeah, especially if I'm on the road.

02:50:02.000 Yeah.

02:50:03.000 Always.

02:50:03.000 I don't really have an hour right now, so I'm, like, putting it together.

02:50:07.000 I think last night I did 50 minutes.

02:50:09.000 You know, and, like, some of it I keep forgetting my new stuff.

02:50:12.000 You know, it's a lot of new stuff because it's all since August.

02:50:14.000 Sure.

02:50:15.000 You know, and I took a couple months off where I wasn't doing stand-up at all.

02:50:18.000 I was like, let me just refresh my brain.

02:50:19.000 And then I hopped on, started doing other people's shows.

02:50:22.000 Then I had some old bits that I'd never put on the special, and I started bringing them back and piecing it together.

02:50:28.000 It's like you gotta have a real set before you take that bitch on the road. 1.00

02:50:32.000 You can't think you could have like a club 45 minutes and go do an arena.

02:50:37.000 Oh, for an arena, for sure.

02:50:39.000 You gotta have a real set.

02:50:41.000 I work out in the clubs on the road.

02:50:43.000 Particularly.

02:50:43.000 Have to.

02:50:46.000 Burr said that back in the day.

02:50:47.000 It's almost preparing for a special, really.

02:50:48.000 Burr said that back in the day.

02:50:49.000 We were just talking about someone special.

02:50:50.000 It's like, he didn't do the clubs.

02:50:52.000 And he's like, he's right.

02:50:53.000 Like, this person, like, some persons, they start doing theaters, big theaters, and they do real well, and they just keep doing that only.

02:50:59.000 Same opening act every time.

02:51:01.000 Crowd wants to see them.

02:51:02.000 And you develop, like, a soft act.

02:51:05.000 Yeah, it's not good.

02:51:06.000 Yeah, not good.

02:51:07.000 You need clubs, man.

02:51:08.000 Yeah, but Austin's great for that as well.

02:51:10.000 So what you did down here is you've cultivated like, New York and LA, they don't really, like, if you're just going on a random pop-in set at the stand or the cellar or the comedy store into some random show and they don't know who you are, you start doing fucked up shit, they get very tight.

02:51:31.000 Very tight.

02:51:32.000 Like, down here, like, you go in the main room of the mothership or at the creek, I mean, these, they're comedy fans.

02:51:37.000 They're, like, legit.

02:51:38.000 It's become like a comedy destination, kind of how people go to New Orleans for jazz.

02:51:42.000 Well, this town doesn't seem to feel like it has the same responsibilities They want to let you know that you're out of line.

02:51:55.000 They don't want you talking about a certain subject.

02:51:57.000 Did you think there was gonna be when you opened the club did you like foresee the dissension and stuff that happens just within the scene?

02:52:03.000 The people that don't work there bitching about this for this reason and the people who...

02:52:09.000 And everyone goes, they got in there because of this, and I met in there because of this.

02:52:13.000 They have a walled garden perspective.

02:52:15.000 You see a bunch of people having a good time, and you're not involved.

02:52:17.000 Fuck those people.

02:52:18.000 It's normal.

02:52:19.000 It's a natural reaction that people have to this intimate community of people that are all friends that are having a great time.

02:52:26.000 It's normal to hate it.

02:52:27.000 Yeah, but it's not all wild comedy.

02:52:29.000 There's a lot of, like, really clean comics that come here that kill.

02:52:32.000 Like, Vecchione is fucking pretty clean.

02:52:34.000 He's hilarious.

02:52:35.000 He's squeaky clean sometimes.

02:52:36.000 Yeah, he's on Nate's.

02:52:37.000 Hilarious.

02:52:38.000 He's like Nate's guy, so yeah.

02:52:39.000 And murders at the club.

02:52:41.000 He's a beast.

02:52:42.000 He's a beast.

02:52:42.000 But it doesn't matter.

02:52:43.000 It's just funny.

02:52:44.000 It's just whatever kind of funny you're into.

02:52:46.000 Holtzman comes and destroys.

02:52:47.000 I'm not even saying the booking is one-dimensional anyway.

02:52:51.000 I'm just saying that...

02:52:52.000 You can.

02:52:53.000 Did you even foresee there'd be comics that were going to...

02:52:58.000 I don't hear about them.

02:52:59.000 You stay away.

02:53:00.000 I guess it doesn't make its way to you.

02:53:02.000 They wouldn't.

02:53:02.000 That'd be stupid.

02:53:03.000 You're gonna have people that complain about anything that they're not involved in.

02:53:06.000 They're gonna decide it sucks.

02:53:06.000 Sure.

02:53:07.000 Like, how could it suck if you've got two days of open mics?

02:53:10.000 How could it suck if the comics get paid more than anywhere else?

02:53:13.000 How could it suck if it's entirely set up for comedy?

02:53:16.000 How could it suck if it's super supportive of the comedians and gives them a path?

02:53:19.000 What is the path for the young comic in Mothership?

02:53:22.000 Well, there's a real talent coordinator. 0.96

02:53:24.000 Adam E gets a real talent coordinator.

02:53:26.000 Sure.

02:53:26.000 He sits there and he watches your set.

02:53:28.000 He gives you advice.

02:53:29.000 He'll have you come back and do it again.

02:53:30.000 He'll give you spots on certain shows.

02:53:32.000 They start developing comedians.

02:53:34.000 And it's like anything else, like, you know, this business is about being likable and getting people to want to watch you succeed.

02:53:41.000 Yeah.

02:53:42.000 Where it's like, you'll get your opportunity if you fucking, if all the other comics are like, yo, this guy's funny, you should take a look at him.

02:53:48.000 I've seen that happen directly.

02:53:50.000 Can I get the lighter again?

02:53:52.000 Well, we have it set up for development.

02:53:52.000 Yeah.

02:53:54.000 Like, the whole idea is, like, you want to develop new talent there.

02:53:57.000 And Kill Tony's the best vehicle for that ever.

02:53:59.000 You know, if you have a banger minute on Kill Tony, you could become a fucking star. 0.93

02:54:03.000 And if you could reproduce that every week...

02:54:09.000 Kind of crazy that some of them have to do that.

02:54:12.000 It's an incredible writing exercise.

02:54:14.000 It's kind of crazy.

02:54:15.000 The advice that I would have given a young comic 15 years ago, I was a young comic at the time too, but I would be like, do not be on camera for the first decade that you do comedy.

02:54:24.000 Develop and act first.

02:54:26.000 But now a lot of these guys, they have the opportunity.

02:54:28.000 But can it be detrimental if you really eat shit on it?

02:54:31.000 And you're like a three-year comic.

02:54:32.000 I don't think people remember people bombing on Kill Tony where it'll be detrimental to your career.

02:54:36.000 It could be.

02:54:37.000 But, you know, it could not be if you bounce back and have a great set the next time and the people love you.

02:54:42.000 I've seen that happen too.

02:54:43.000 Look, you're taking a risk when you're doing a new minute every week.

02:54:46.000 There's a real possibility you might have a dud.

02:54:48.000 You know, especially if you're new to the game.

02:54:48.000 Yeah.

02:54:50.000 You've only been doing it four years.

02:54:51.000 You've got some talent, but, you know.

02:54:53.000 I genuinely don't know.

02:54:54.000 It's an interesting thing.

02:54:57.000 When I had to do it, essentially at Yeah.

02:55:01.000 You guys were there.

02:55:01.000 It's an interesting thing.

02:55:02.000 They try to whittle down in your head like, what the fuck is that?

02:55:04.000 Just a minute, yeah.

02:55:05.000 Yeah, but they were all pumped to see you, so it was easier.

02:55:08.000 No, of course.

02:55:09.000 That's that arena atmosphere, too.

02:55:11.000 It's our game to lose.

02:55:12.000 The Garden, I think, was the best Arena Kill Tony show.

02:55:15.000 Oh, it was amazing.

02:55:15.000 It was like, it was really cool.

02:55:17.000 I went both nights and whatever it was, Nobody got booed.

02:55:25.000 There was no problems.

02:55:26.000 Super supportive.

02:55:27.000 Super supportive.

02:55:28.000 Well, some people got booed.

02:55:29.000 There's some people that bombed.

02:55:31.000 Did they?

02:55:31.000 Yeah.

02:55:32.000 A couple people bombed.

02:55:33.000 I think someone went right before me.

02:55:34.000 Yeah, a couple people bombed.

02:55:36.000 Look, it's fucking hard to do, man.

02:55:38.000 And it's fun to watch someone just go out there and fail sometimes.

02:55:42.000 Oh, it's very, very fun.

02:55:43.000 It makes the people that succeed look better.

02:55:46.000 When I do Kill Tony as a panelist, I love watching somebody bomb.

02:55:50.000 It's my favorite thing, because then you just trash them, you get to fucking make fun of them.

02:55:54.000 I thought that's when we started doing the show.

02:55:56.000 I've been a panelist on Kill Tony, I think I might have the number one amount of times, like 25 times I've been a panelist.

02:56:03.000 When we started doing it back in the day in the Comedy Store, in the belly room, The most fun we would have is when somebody just had a hot one and then we would just fucking trash them.

02:56:14.000 It became way more supportive now.

02:56:16.000 The whole show format is really like Tony trying to put guys over.

02:56:19.000 But back in the day, we were just mean.

02:56:21.000 It was just like a mean, evil fucking thing.

02:56:24.000 It was so fun.

02:56:24.000 It evolved.

02:56:25.000 It evolved.

02:56:26.000 Those belly room days were wild.

02:56:28.000 Because half the crowd would be like comics.

02:56:31.000 There was no one there.

02:56:32.000 It was fun.

02:56:33.000 But he kept doing it.

02:56:34.000 I mean, he fucking did it over and over and over again until he honed that motherfucker down like a samurai sword.

02:56:39.000 No, I'm super impressed with it.

02:56:40.000 Like, you know, Tony's the man, but that show itself is like...

02:56:44.000 I think it's inspiration for like Story Wars, you know?

02:56:46.000 It's just the idea of the live.

02:56:46.000 It's a very different show.

02:56:48.000 Yeah.

02:56:48.000 The format.

02:56:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:56:50.000 Skanks has always been a live show, but the development of Story War has been very, like, We literally just set the table and then play.

02:57:00.000 And it's like we don't have to really do much.

02:57:02.000 When you're on a podcast like this or like Skanks, you have to actually kind of like...

02:57:11.000 We do a game show that we created, and it's just super formatted.

02:57:15.000 So it's just kind of easy to just...

02:57:18.000 Yeah.

02:57:19.000 Well, you guys, by doing Legion of Skanks, just by the name itself, it opened up the door to wild comedy.

02:57:26.000 Because it's like, you know what you're getting into.

02:57:28.000 The show's called Legion of Skanks.

02:57:30.000 Well, this was a brilliant idea that Jay had.

02:57:32.000 like our secondary tagline is the most offensive podcast on earth, and it's not, there's more offensive podcasts, but it lets people, I think that's the reason we've never gotten in trouble, is because you know exactly what you're gonna get.

02:57:43.000 Why would you watch this if you don't watch the most offensive podcast?

02:57:48.000 You look like an idiot if you start complaining about it.

02:57:52.000 Adam Kroll had a great analogy about it when he did our show.

02:57:55.000 He was like, this is why you guys get away with it.

02:57:57.000 He's like, when Snoop Dogg goes to the Grammys, Snoop Dogg And nobody's like, you can't smoke back here.

02:58:05.000 It's like, you invited Snoop Dogg.

02:58:06.000 You know what the fuck you're going to get, right?

02:58:08.000 And it's the same thing with us.

02:58:09.000 I think people know what they're going to get with us.

02:58:11.000 We sort of play and have fun and do our thing.

02:58:15.000 Well, you give an avenue for comedians that's like where people know what they're going to get.

02:58:20.000 And obviously people flock to it.

02:58:22.000 I mean, Skankfest sells out immediately.

02:58:24.000 It's because people love the vibe.

02:58:26.000 It's fun.

02:58:27.000 It's just fun.

02:58:28.000 We're not here to take ourselves seriously.

02:58:30.000 Also, broadcasting has done something for comedy.

02:58:32.000 It's pretty amazing that I think broadcasters, like the Howard Sterns, they had that all the time.

02:58:37.000 It's very interesting when you meet the people.

02:58:38.000 They know you, inside and out.

02:58:40.000 They know the time you tell a story about the thing you fear the most, and they know whatever.

02:58:44.000 I'd get used to stuff like that, where they'd be like, hey, is your daughter picking a college? 0.97

02:58:48.000 And you go, what the fuck?

02:58:49.000 And you're like, oh, I guess I talked about that on the radio this week.

02:58:53.000 So it's interesting.

02:58:54.000 It's weird.

02:58:54.000 You can forget that there's an audience out there sometimes.

02:58:57.000 Yeah.

02:58:58.000 You know, you forget sometimes the things you say have weight to them, you know?

02:59:02.000 No, absolutely.

02:59:03.000 We found out the hard way.

02:59:04.000 When we started out, who knew what this was going to happen when we started Legion of Skanks?

02:59:07.000 We started Legion of Skanks pretty early podcast times.

02:59:10.000 14 years ago?

02:59:12.000 Don't you think even now sometimes you say things, you're like, gosh, I shouldn't have said that.

02:59:18.000 I don't unless it's about a person.

02:59:20.000 Sometimes it's about people.

02:59:21.000 That's what we learned.

02:59:22.000 We learned to stop making fun of retarded children on the internet.

02:59:25.000 Because they have families.

02:59:26.000 Well, we do sometimes.

02:59:27.000 But I've had to apologize to multiple families of mentally handicapped people. 1.00

02:59:31.000 Because we've done bits on the show.

02:59:33.000 And I mean, they would come to me and be like, what is wrong with you?

02:59:38.000 just like a child that has like Down syndrome we're like It was funny.

02:59:46.000 Didn't that happen?

02:59:47.000 Didn't someone say to you that they were kidding?

02:59:49.000 Well, no, twice now that happened.

02:59:51.000 And both times I ended up becoming very friendly with the family.

02:59:54.000 They came out to see me at shows.

02:59:55.000 They brought the kid.

02:59:56.000 Now he's your burden.

02:59:58.000 The problem is you're saying things with your friends, like you would normally say.

03:00:03.000 But then you don't realize.

03:00:04.000 Ron Banking calls it corner talk.

03:00:05.000 Corner talk with the guy.

03:00:06.000 But there's a real person on the end of these stories sometimes.

03:00:09.000 And that's the thing.

03:00:09.000 The only thing that's changed is I think in the beginning we would just say whatever.

03:00:12.000 There'd be a silly story.

03:00:14.000 And now I'm going like, well, all right, is this person going to hear this?

03:00:16.000 And it's just a normal person who's like, Their parents are raising a special needs kid.

03:00:20.000 It's a tough enough life as it is.

03:00:22.000 Buddy, I felt terrible.

03:00:23.000 Last time I came in here, when you talked about it, I was like, hey, you know, there's that video going around of that girl freaking out.

03:00:27.000 And I was just going like, yeah, it's just like, she wasn't ready for this moment, but I went through, didn't say the name on purpose.

03:00:33.000 And there's so many videos on the internet that are like, I'm like, no, it's not what I did.

03:00:40.000 Well, sometimes you say things because you're just talking, and then you realize, God, that other person's going to hear that.

03:00:45.000 I did that recently, and I'd like to apologize to this guy.

03:00:48.000 There's this guy named Flint Dibble, who's an archaeologist, and I said, He attacks other archaeologists like Graham Hancock and he says some terrible things, but what I did was very counterproductive.

03:00:58.000 What I said was like these weak bitchy men and I named him. 0.99

03:01:02.000 And then he tweeted about it.

03:01:04.000 He said I have stage 4 cancer and I'm like fucking forgot he had cancer.

03:01:07.000 I didn't mean him physically.

03:01:09.000 I meant his behavior, but it made me feel bad.

03:01:14.000 I want to tell him I was wrong.

03:01:18.000 What I said I shouldn't have said.

03:01:20.000 Sometimes I say things and I just think I'm talking with friends.

03:01:22.000 And I realize it's gonna hurt someone's feelings on the other end.

03:01:25.000 And it's counterproductive.

03:01:26.000 I'm doing the exact thing I'm accusing him of doing.

03:01:29.000 He's attacking other people.

03:01:30.000 I'm attacking him.

03:01:31.000 And we can be funny with anything.

03:01:31.000 It's stupid.

03:01:34.000 I was talking to an archaeologist.

03:01:35.000 I got angry at this process that sometimes, like, established archaeologists are attacking these people who have legitimate ideas.

03:01:41.000 but I shouldn't have done it that way.

03:01:45.000 Like, archaeology is your one passion?

03:01:46.000 No, it's like, I talk about a lot of different things, but I talk...

03:02:00.000 It just it comes normal like fuck that idiot, you know like it comes out sure and you go Yeah, shouldn't have you know, we do that all the time you get loose you get a little too Comfortable well I tell you also that's the smart move I said that Howard Stern did years ago That I'm trying to get better at and do when you think something's ridiculous praise it And then use it, and you can show everybody without having to make fun of it.

03:02:25.000 Do you know what I mean?

03:02:26.000 Oh, right, right, right.

03:02:27.000 To make fun of themselves.

03:02:28.000 Yeah, you can definitely do that.

03:02:29.000 Well, I do that sometimes when I'm questioning people, and I know they're not telling me the truth.

03:02:33.000 And I'll say, wait a minute, so what you're saying is, and so I don't even have to, like, say, that's ridiculous, that's fucking bullshit.

03:02:40.000 I just let the internet have it.

03:02:42.000 You know what I mean?

03:02:43.000 Like, Epstein didn't kill himself?

03:02:45.000 You know, like, that kind of a deal?

03:02:46.000 Like, okay.

03:02:46.000 You know, like, let the internet deal with this.

03:02:49.000 I'm not gonna deal with this.

03:02:50.000 This is like, I could only be so pushy.

03:02:54.000 You know, when people don't want to talk about a specific thing or want to give you an answer that you think is pretty much gaslighting you.

03:03:01.000 You're like, okay.

03:03:02.000 So that's a real UFO?

03:03:03.000 Alright.

03:03:05.000 You know, I have people coming here all the time that I know are bullshitting me.

03:03:10.000 I know they are.

03:03:11.000 Like, I feel it, you know, and sometimes it's just like, alright, what are you gonna do?

03:03:16.000 You'll call them sometimes.

03:03:17.000 Sometimes.

03:03:18.000 But, like, sometimes I don't know.

03:03:19.000 Who was the guy years ago you had an argument with, but again, sometimes when vernacular causes the problem, I feel like at the time you were just, like, in a rhythm of saying the word bitch at the end of a sentence a lot, and you said something, you go, you're like, come on, bitch! 0.94

03:03:31.000 you can't think that way, bitch. 1.00

03:03:36.000 Who was that?

03:03:37.000 Was it Crowder?

03:03:37.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

03:03:39.000 It was a weed conversation.

03:03:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:03:41.000 I thought I was talking to him like a comedian.

03:03:44.000 He would just go along with it, and he got genuinely offended.

03:03:47.000 He was like, keep calling me a bitch.

03:03:48.000 I feel like you're bullying me.

03:03:50.000 Yeah, we said we were bullying him because we were researching information live that was countering what he was saying, and he didn't have access to it.

03:03:57.000 I was like, all right.

03:03:58.000 You know.

03:03:59.000 Whatever.

03:04:00.000 So he's being a real bitch. 1.00

03:04:02.000 I was trying to be a good host, and I wasn't.

03:04:04.000 And I was being too, like, a comic.

03:04:07.000 Like, I could talk to you that way, and we would have fun.

03:04:09.000 I could talk to you that way, and we would have fun.

03:04:10.000 He wasn't, he was a little serious.

03:04:12.000 Shit, you can call those a bitch all day. 1.00

03:04:14.000 That's the problem, some people just get Some people just get serious, and you don't realize they're serious.

03:04:21.000 Like, oh, you're serious.

03:04:22.000 Like, you're really upset.

03:04:23.000 Because we're so used to talking shit.

03:04:25.000 It's so normal.

03:04:27.000 When people talk shit about me, I'm like, eh, I would do that.

03:04:30.000 What am I going to do?

03:04:31.000 You're too famous to not.

03:04:33.000 You can't get offended.

03:04:34.000 You're so big at this point that it's just part of the territory.

03:04:37.000 That's part of the problem with saying things like about that Flint Dibble guy.

03:04:41.000 You don't think about it while you're saying it.

03:04:42.000 You're saying it to millions of people.

03:04:44.000 It's not just talking, you know, and you're like, That guy's a dumb idiot.

03:04:52.000 I genuinely felt bad.

03:04:53.000 My raptor bone.

03:04:54.000 But it's like, I actually didn't have a bad time talking to him.

03:04:57.000 We had to confront him on this one thing because he accused Graham Hancock of being attached to white supremacy and this weird thing about Atlantis.

03:05:07.000 Like, how does that have anything?

03:05:08.000 And he tried to deny it, and we pulled up the quote that he did.

03:05:12.000 Because Hancock says, no blacks in Atlantis.

03:05:14.000 No, this is like this thing that these people do when they try to discredit things, like certain academics will do.

03:05:19.000 or they'll connect what you're doing to racism or homophobia.

03:05:23.000 They'll just try to like,

03:05:53.000 What do you think Atlantis is?

03:05:54.000 You think they get in the water?

03:05:55.000 Oh, isn't it the underwater land of Atlantis?

03:05:58.000 No, no, no, no.

03:05:59.000 What an idiot, right?

03:05:59.000 I didn't think that either, Joe.

03:06:01.000 What are we talking about?

03:06:01.000 The Bahamas?

03:06:02.000 Atlantis, they believe, was this structure.

03:06:05.000 There was a series of concentric circles that had like a lake running through it.

03:06:14.000 And this is another one of those things that archaeologists will argue about.

03:06:17.000 Because this thing looks like Atlantis.

03:06:20.000 And there's this guy named Jimmy Corsetti and he gets labeled a Nazi for talking about it.

03:06:24.000 It's like weird stuff, man, where they try to make you look like you're racist for pursuing this idea.

03:06:30.000 I don't totally understand it.

03:06:32.000 You're defending racism.

03:06:34.000 You're defending racism.

03:06:34.000 It becomes this whole stupid argument that nobody really believes and it only exists on the internet.

03:06:39.000 Exactly.

03:06:40.000 Nobody in real life gives a shit.

03:06:41.000 In academia, they believe it.

03:06:42.000 And if they don't believe it, they use it as a tool.

03:06:45.000 And they'll use it as a tool to dismiss you.

03:06:47.000 But this is one of the things that came up during that topic, that when even archaeologists come up with a new timeline for things, where it throws the old history into a tizzy, they attack them.

03:06:59.000 Graham Hancock brought up this concept of Clovis first.

03:07:03.000 They used to think that the Clovis people, like 13,000 years ago, were the first people in North America.

03:07:08.000 This one guy found evidence of people that lived a long time ago and they fucking ruthlessly destroyed his career.

03:07:14.000 They attacked this guy.

03:07:15.000 It turned out he was right.

03:07:16.000 They found these footprints in White Sands, New Mexico.

03:07:18.000 They're 22,000 years old of human beings.

03:07:21.000 So they were probably living here even before that.

03:07:24.000 But they destroy people that come up with an idea that throws their expertise into question.

03:07:30.000 And that's what they're all doing with Graham Hancock.

03:07:33.000 What they do is he's pointing out that there's some real evidence that perhaps there was an advanced civilization that was thousands of years older than we think civilization started at.

03:07:43.000 No crime and only three-pointers.

03:07:46.000 Well, it is in Africa.

03:07:48.000 That's the fascinating thing.

03:07:49.000 It's all in Africa. 1.00

03:07:50.000 Egypt's in Africa, you know, this all this sub-Saharan stuff where they think the Richard structure It's crazy because the area, when you zoom out, looks like it was hit with a massive flood.

03:08:02.000 Like, everything looked like all water erosion.

03:08:05.000 Like, it was like massive amounts of water just destroyed the landscape.

03:08:09.000 It still looks like that today.

03:08:10.000 And it's in the exact same plate.

03:08:13.000 Like, the mountains are north of it.

03:08:15.000 The sea is below it.

03:08:16.000 That's what it looks like.

03:08:18.000 And that is like the size that Atlantis is described in, in Plato's recollections of it, or Plato's stories about it.

03:08:26.000 You know, there's a lot of debate about it, but the position that it's in and the weirdness of what it is makes a bunch of these ancient history guys that really believe in Atlantis, just like they really believed in Troy.

03:08:38.000 They thought Troy was mythical until they found it.

03:08:42.000 And then they're like, oh, geez, Troy was a real thing.

03:08:44.000 So there's a lot of these people that are – And they don't want anything to be dated older than what they've established and what they've taught in lectures.

03:08:59.000 Oh, because everything's wrong then?

03:09:01.000 Everything's wrong.

03:09:02.000 Well, everything is wrong.

03:09:03.000 There's weird stuff.

03:09:04.000 Like Lebanon. 1.00

03:09:05.000 Have you seen those fucking stones in Lebanon?

03:09:08.000 No.

03:09:09.000 There's these immense, I think they're called the Trillathon Stones or the Trillion Stones.

03:09:15.000 They're so fucking big.

03:09:25.000 How long ago?

03:09:26.000 And then there's older stuff.

03:09:27.000 There's stuff that's built on top of it.

03:09:28.000 Look at the size of these fucking stones.

03:09:29.000 I don't know if my flintstone theory works here, but I think it's a brontosaurus that a man is controlling.

03:09:33.000 Baalbek.

03:09:34.000 That's what it is.

03:09:34.000 Look at the size of these fucking stones.

03:09:35.000 And if that one up in the top in the center, right to the right of that, Jamie?

03:09:40.000 That one.

03:09:40.000 So that shows you the size of these fucking stones that are in place.

03:09:45.000 Like if you put a person next to them, they'd be like, these are five meters high.

03:09:50.000 That's fucking bananas, man.

03:09:51.000 How many miles per hour is that?

03:09:52.000 I don't know.

03:09:53.000 Five years, 25 feet.

03:09:54.000 So those are 25 feet high.

03:09:56.000 15. Oh, sorry.

03:09:57.000 It's three.

03:09:58.000 Yeah.

03:09:58.000 Right.

03:09:59.000 My math sucks, obviously.

03:09:59.000 Sorry.

03:10:00.000 But these stones weigh some fucking insane amount.

03:10:04.000 And there's no explanation.

03:10:05.000 Those cornerstones, that's all one giant piece.

03:10:08.000 And where?

03:10:09.000 How?

03:10:09.000 How the fuck did you do that?

03:10:11.000 And there's a bunch of shit in Malta. 1.00

03:10:13.000 They found Neanderthal bones, so maybe Neanderthals were in Malta, and maybe the land bridge was connected.

03:10:19.000 There's all this confusion about the date of these ancient structures, because it seems like people built other structures on top of them.

03:10:26.000 And when they find stuff like this, there's this great resistance of anybody to try to say they don't understand it.

03:10:34.000 They always try to come up with some sort of an explanation, even when it doesn't make any fucking sense.

03:10:39.000 Wasn't the Coliseum, wasn't it completely underground at one point?

03:10:43.000 They discovered it?

03:10:44.000 No, no, no, no.

03:10:45.000 The Sphinx was underground.

03:10:47.000 but the head was above it, and then they cleared out the sand.

03:10:49.000 The Coliseum was...

03:10:52.000 I don't think it was underground.

03:10:54.000 No, the Coliseum has always been there.

03:10:56.000 But they did used to be able to get water in it.

03:10:58.000 They used to have water fights instead of boat fights.

03:11:01.000 It was crazy.

03:11:02.000 Imagine watching people get eaten by lions in front of everybody.

03:11:06.000 Imagine what that was like.

03:11:07.000 Well, back then, you understand, they would have these games, and they would bring in, like, you know, they would have, like, hunts, and they would have, like, animal fights and shit like that.

03:11:15.000 But it's like, back then, to see a giraffe, it looked like an alien.

03:11:18.000 They had no idea.

03:11:20.000 They would bring in animals from Africa, like rhinoceros.

03:11:23.000 Yeah, these people didn't have YouTube.

03:11:24.000 They weren't traveling.

03:11:24.000 They had no idea.

03:11:25.000 It was literally like you were watching aliens fight.

03:11:28.000 Have you been in the Coliseum?

03:11:29.000 Yeah, it was incredible.

03:11:30.000 Did you see those things where they lift them up to the floor and the lines would pop out?

03:11:33.000 Underground, they have a whole pulley system where they have elevators and they would have slaves pulling people up. 0.98

03:11:39.000 It was a whole show.

03:11:40.000 It was a really cool thing.

03:11:41.000 I appreciate you seeing slaves lower.

03:11:43.000 If they had that right now.

03:11:44.000 If they had that right now, we would watch it.

03:11:46.000 If there's something on YouTube, like I've already seen, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:11:52.000 Harrington, Harrington.

03:11:56.000 He's like the Joe Rogan of night fighting.

03:11:58.000 That's so ridiculous, dude.

03:12:00.000 Yeah, shit.

03:12:00.000 They hit each other with battle axes and shit.

03:12:02.000 Oh, a scepter strike to the leg.

03:12:05.000 But it's like, they look tough and then they take their helmets off and they're just fucking virgins.

03:12:09.000 It's like just these really nerdy fat dudes.

03:12:11.000 Preemptive balding people.

03:12:12.000 Some of them know how to fight, though.

03:12:16.000 They're MMA guys that are getting into it.

03:12:17.000 It's just another outlet.

03:12:19.000 Another outlet?

03:12:21.000 Part of the floor of the Coliseum was buried until the mid-19th century.

03:12:25.000 Oh, you were right.

03:12:26.000 There you go.

03:12:26.000 I knew, yeah.

03:12:27.000 I don't want to correct you.

03:12:29.000 The hypogemian floor lay buried under 40 feet of earth.

03:12:32.000 All memory of its function even existed.

03:12:34.000 Is that the floor that lifts up?

03:12:36.000 Is that what that is?

03:12:37.000 Yeah, the floor.

03:12:39.000 there was stuff sticking out of it.

03:12:40.000 And then they went and they, Like, all this shit.

03:12:46.000 Oh! 0.60

03:12:47.000 All that was underground?

03:12:48.000 So did someone cover it up?

03:12:50.000 Did you go back to that description, Jamie?

03:12:52.000 Because I think it explained that someone covered it up.

03:12:54.000 Well, I mean, they destroyed most of Rome, so I'm sure it was part of it. 0.60

03:12:57.000 I wonder why they did that.

03:12:59.000 They were using all this shit for other stuff.

03:13:01.000 The tour that I did at the Coliseum was boring as shit.

03:13:03.000 Hey, Mussolini fixed it.

03:13:04.000 The guy wasn't all bad.

03:13:06.000 What were you saying, Jamie?

03:13:07.000 They were using all the pieces of the city for construction or whatever else they were building, new stuff, you know.

03:13:07.000 What'd you say?

03:13:12.000 Same with, like, the pyramids.

03:13:14.000 Oh, God, that's horrible.

03:13:16.000 They go, Mussolini, what a monster, I go.

03:13:18.000 Clean the floor of the Coliseum.

03:13:20.000 They did that with the pyramids.

03:13:21.000 They stole the fucking stones from the outside of it.

03:13:23.000 People are so gross.

03:13:25.000 Yeah, they're crazy.

03:13:26.000 Remember the Trevi Fallon a few years ago in Rome?

03:13:28.000 They poured black ink in it or something, just protesters.

03:13:31.000 It was like...

03:13:37.000 It was fucked up.

03:13:38.000 The Coliseum architects made changes to allow new methods of stagecraft.

03:13:41.000 Other changes were accidental.

03:13:43.000 Fire sparked by lightning in 217 AD, gutted the stadium, sent huge blocks of travertine plunging into the hypergeum.

03:13:50.000 What?

03:13:51.000 That whole area was so nuts, man.

03:13:53.000 How do they have those facts?

03:13:53.000 217?

03:13:55.000 Coliseum was really cool.

03:13:56.000 I learned more about it.

03:13:57.000 I did a gladiator training program with my son.

03:14:01.000 It was a little place you went, and I learned so much about the Coliseum doing that, more than the tour.

03:14:06.000 The tour was boring as shit.

03:14:07.000 I went in August.

03:14:08.000 It was 110 degrees out.

03:14:09.000 It was insane.

03:14:11.000 He's aggressively trying to make his son straight.

03:14:17.000 But that was a cool experience.

03:14:19.000 It's fucking cool as shit, man.

03:14:21.000 They didn't kill each other, the gladiators.

03:14:22.000 That's all, like, lore.

03:14:24.000 That's all lies.

03:14:25.000 Because it was, like, pro wrestlers.

03:14:26.000 If your gladiator killed another gladiator, the guy who owned that gladiator would have to pay.

03:14:33.000 The other guy who owned that Gladiator, they were all slaves.

03:14:35.000 It was all just show.

03:14:36.000 It was like pro wrestling.

03:14:37.000 They would cut each other, but they had big fat bellies so they wouldn't cut each other's organs. 1.00

03:14:42.000 They had to do it in a certain way.

03:14:43.000 It was all show.

03:14:44.000 Really?

03:14:45.000 It did happen once in a while, but that was more rare when you see an actual death.

03:14:48.000 So occasionally they would fight for real to the death?

03:14:53.000 Where did you get all this information?

03:14:54.000 From my Gladiator training program.

03:14:56.000 Yeah.

03:14:56.000 Really?

03:14:57.000 The guy's certified.

03:15:00.000 I mean, what are you gonna do?

03:15:01.000 Argue the guy?

03:15:02.000 The different weapons and the costumes they would wear and the type of armor they would wear.

03:15:06.000 There was like, you know, whatever, like, you know, a couple dozen different types of guys.

03:15:11.000 You'd be like, oh, that's the guy with the fucking mace and a certain helmet.

03:15:14.000 And it was free as well.

03:15:16.000 All the people in Rome, there wasn't a ticket price.

03:15:19.000 The government would sponsor it, so it was just to get people, like, you know, keep them happy.

03:15:24.000 Fucking, the richer you were, the closer you were, like all the peasants would be up in the rafters.

03:15:28.000 Right.

03:15:29.000 So the movie Gladiators bullshit?

03:15:31.000 Is that what you're trying to tell me?

03:15:32.000 Yeah, a lot of it's bullshit.

03:15:32.000 There was no thumbs down, thumbs up.

03:15:34.000 What?

03:15:35.000 Common misconception that gladiators always fought to the death.

03:15:35.000 What?

03:15:38.000 The winner survived and the loser died.

03:15:40.000 Very rarely, and usually with special dispensation from the emperor, would there be sign miso battles, which automatically meant death for the loser, with no chance of being spared.

03:15:50.000 So occasionally they died.

03:15:52.000 Yeah.

03:15:52.000 Very rarely.

03:15:53.000 They died.

03:15:54.000 But they were like celebrities.

03:15:55.000 Like the Gladiators would come out and they were like, Some historians say, wait a minute, one in five died in battle.

03:16:02.000 That's a lot.

03:16:03.000 Others say one in ten.

03:16:05.000 Most only lived to their mid-twenties, which compared to today's house.

03:16:08.000 Well, they would die of their injuries very often.

03:16:10.000 It wasn't like it was flight to the death.

03:16:12.000 They just didn't have medicine.

03:16:14.000 Like, yeah, they would get stabbed and infected.

03:16:16.000 But gladiator two was right, though, right?

03:16:19.000 But that, I mean, when he's talking about the water, they would fill it up with water and have boat fights.

03:16:23.000 That was a real thing in Gladiator 2. Oh, I see.

03:16:25.000 No, I'm bummed out.

03:16:26.000 I thought they really fought to the death.

03:16:28.000 Like, every time?

03:16:28.000 Yeah.

03:16:29.000 Yeah.

03:16:30.000 Goddamn, dude.

03:16:31.000 Well, I've got bad news about the WWF also.

03:16:34.000 Oh my god, then you know what?

03:16:36.000 I might as well pull the band-aid off if we're already here.

03:16:38.000 Wrestling also.

03:16:39.000 But it was, yeah, it was like akin to pro wrestling.

03:16:41.000 Like they would have like personalities and people would like, you know.

03:16:44.000 That was a problem in Japan in the early days of MMA.

03:16:47.000 Some of the fights were fixed.

03:16:49.000 Yeah.

03:16:49.000 You could tell.

03:16:50.000 And you could tell like certain guys would win by leg lock.

03:16:53.000 That's where you can stomp and shit too, right?

03:16:54.000 They'd have professional wrestler, like promoters do those MMA fights. 0.97

03:16:58.000 She's describing the animal hunts they did, but I'll skip ahead to this part here.

03:16:58.000 What does it say, Jeremy?

03:17:04.000 Hypogeum played a vital role in these staged hunts, allowing animals and hunters to enter the arena countless ways.

03:17:10.000 Eyewitnesses describe how animals appeared suddenly from below as if by magic, sometimes apparently launched high into the air.

03:17:17.000 The Hypogeum allowed the organizers of the game to create surprises and build suspense.

03:17:22.000 A hunter in the arena wouldn't know where the next lion would appear, or whether two or three lions might emerge instead of one.

03:17:30.000 Yeah, out of those, like, trap doors in the bottom, a lion would just jump out, and then, and you're watching a dude, like, hunt lions.

03:17:36.000 How cool is that, though?

03:17:37.000 This uncertainty could be exploited for comic effect.

03:17:41.000 He goes, guys, I'm not afraid of no bullshit-ass lion.

03:17:44.000 I fuck a lion.

03:17:45.000 He's right behind me, isn't he?

03:17:46.000 Emperor Galenius punished a merchant who had swindled the emperor selling her glass jewels instead of authentic ones by setting him in the arena to face a ferocious lion.

03:17:56.000 When the cage opened, however, a chicken walked out to the delight of the crowd.

03:18:01.000 Galenius then told the herald to proclaim he practiced deceit and then had it practiced on him.

03:18:08.000 The emperor let the jeweler go home.

03:18:09.000 Whoa.

03:18:10.000 So it wasn't that mean.

03:18:11.000 Killed him days later.

03:18:12.000 They were less mean than we thought.

03:18:14.000 Yeah.

03:18:15.000 It was still pretty brutal.

03:18:16.000 Well, it was a fucking brutal time to be alive back then, man.

03:18:19.000 Dude, one in five got to live.

03:18:20.000 Relax.

03:18:21.000 One in ten.

03:18:22.000 Maybe one in ten.

03:18:23.000 Maybe even one in ten.

03:18:24.000 No big whoop.

03:18:26.000 I bet a lot of dudes were sliced up, though.

03:18:28.000 You ever see those Nazi dueling scars where the Nazis in the, like, when they were in, like...

03:18:40.000 So all the Nazis that came over for NASA, they all had these crazy Nazi dueling scars. 0.60

03:18:45.000 All over their faces?

03:18:46.000 Yeah, you ever see those?

03:18:47.000 Bro, it's so creepy.

03:18:48.000 They do the shit we do now in arenas, too, with t-shirt guns.

03:18:53.000 Snacks fell from the sky.

03:18:54.000 Snacks!

03:18:55.000 As abundantly as hail, one observer noted, along with wooden balls containing tokens for prizes, food, money, or even the title to an apartment, which sometimes set off violent scuffles amongst spectators struggling to grab them.

03:19:07.000 Nothing changes today.

03:19:07.000 Nothing.

03:19:08.000 There used to be a blimp that would go around the Sixers Stadium and drop coupons for hers potato chips, and I've seen people fall off of balconies for them. 0.96

03:19:15.000 It was as hot as a boiler room in the summer, humid and cold in the winter, and filled all year round with strong smells from the smoke-sweating workmen packed in the narrow corridor.

03:19:24.000 And the reek of the wild animals.

03:19:26.000 And no bathrooms and all that.

03:19:28.000 Did people just shit into holes?

03:19:30.000 Well, they always did.

03:19:31.000 Where would you go if you're hot and you're drunk?

03:19:33.000 And everybody's got the plague.

03:19:36.000 Alright boys, should we wrap this bitch up? 1.00

03:19:37.000 Sure.

03:19:38.000 Let's bring it home.

03:19:39.000 Thank you so much.

03:19:40.000 Are we officially in the Rogan sphere now?

03:19:41.000 Yeah, you're in.

03:19:42.000 Come on, man.

03:19:43.000 You were always in.

03:19:44.000 All right, you said it here.

03:19:45.000 You were always in.

03:19:46.000 What the fuck are you talking about?

03:19:47.000 We just don't see each other enough.

03:19:48.000 Please watch my specials.

03:19:49.000 They're both available.

03:19:49.000 Yes.

03:19:50.000 They're awesome.

03:19:51.000 Anything you got?

03:19:52.000 Yeah, check out Story.

03:19:53.000 It's mine and Big Jay's new podcast, Story Wars, which is great.

03:19:55.000 And yeah, I got a book, actually.

03:19:57.000 You know what I'm- You wrote a book?

03:19:59.000 I'm almost done with it.

03:19:59.000 I'm writing.

03:20:00.000 It's coming out December 2nd.

03:20:02.000 It's pre-sale right now on Amazon.

03:20:03.000 What's it about?

03:20:04.000 It's my childhood memoir.

03:20:05.000 Oh wow.

03:20:07.000 What made you want to do that?

03:20:08.000 A dude who wrote other books was like...

03:20:12.000 Yeah.

03:20:12.000 A memoir.

03:20:13.000 Yeah, he was like, hey, dude, I can get you a book deal.

03:20:15.000 And I was like, really?

03:20:16.000 And then I started working with him on it.

03:20:18.000 Yeah, it's been good.

03:20:19.000 It's dark.

03:20:20.000 It's fucked up.

03:20:20.000 It's funny.

03:20:21.000 It's just my fucked up childhood and finding comedy.

03:20:23.000 I always admire someone who can write a book.

03:20:25.000 Yeah.

03:20:25.000 I always admired Norton.

03:20:27.000 He's written a couple of books.

03:20:28.000 Damn, he wrote a whole book.

03:20:29.000 He actually wrote a book.

03:20:30.000 Norton's a man.

03:20:31.000 Norton's in town right now.

03:20:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

03:20:32.000 He's here Friday.

03:20:34.000 He's doing Story Wars tonight.

03:20:35.000 Nice.

03:20:36.000 Nice.

03:20:37.000 Where are you guys?

03:20:37.000 You guys at the creek?

03:20:38.000 No, we're at your club.

03:20:39.000 Oh, you're at my club.

03:20:39.000 It's a little Joe knows about his own club.

03:20:41.000 What time is it?

03:20:42.000 This is our path.

03:20:43.000 7.30 and 10.30.

03:20:44.000 Why don't you come on Story Wars?

03:20:44.000 Why don't you come, Joe?

03:20:45.000 Oh, I don't have any good stories.

03:20:47.000 I used them all up.

03:20:49.000 I've had 2,500 fucking episodes.

03:20:51.000 I've used them all up.

03:20:52.000 You don't need good stories.

03:20:53.000 I'll tell you all.

03:20:54.000 There's going to be something that goes, once on an archaeology journey, I'm like, oh, this is Joe.

03:20:58.000 This is definitely Joe, I think.

03:21:00.000 I think this one's Joe.

03:21:01.000 One time I was talking to the director of the CIA.

03:21:03.000 He's like, well, that must be Joe.

03:21:04.000 Took out a black bear from a helicopter with a crossbow.

03:21:09.000 I appreciate you guys.

03:21:10.000 Thank you, man.

03:21:10.000 It was a lot of fun.

03:21:11.000 Thanks, Joe.

03:21:11.000 Thank you.

03:21:11.000 All right.

The Joe Rogan Experience - June 18, 2025

Joe Rogan Experience #2339 - Luis J. Gomez & Big Jay Oakerson

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Transcript