The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2377

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.

00:00:03.000 The Joe.

00:00:04.000 Rogan Experience.

00:00:05.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

00:00:09.000 Hey, what's up?

00:00:13.000 Good to see you, my man.

00:00:13.000 What's up, Ryan?

00:00:15.000 Well, thanks for having me for that.

00:00:16.000 Very, very good.

00:00:17.000 It's very funny.

00:00:17.000 You're you brought a box of your stuff.

00:00:20.000 And one of them immediately started going off like it's an alarm.

00:00:23.000 What is that hell is it?

00:00:25.000 Yeah.

00:00:26.000 It was a it's a it's that commercial that runs for late-night uh Viagra Cialis and says, Hey, we'll send you your Cialis in Viagra and unmarked white envelopes.

00:00:35.000 And I would say, fuck that.

00:00:36.000 I don't I want just the opposite.

00:00:38.000 I want my neighbors to know I'm getting laid.

00:00:39.000 I want my neighbors to know I have a dick, a hard dick, so it's got sirens and whistles.

00:00:43.000 My dick's hard.

00:00:44.000 My dick is yeah.

00:00:47.000 And that's you know, six engineering.

00:00:49.000 We were just talking about you the other night at the comedy club.

00:00:51.000 We were like, he owns props.

00:00:54.000 Like you can't do props now.

00:00:56.000 When I was a kid, when I first started doing stand-up, and I'm sure you too, there were prop comics.

00:01:01.000 Sure.

00:01:01.000 There was a bunch of guys.

00:01:02.000 Yeah, the wid the width.

00:01:04.000 Quite a few guys that were really good.

00:01:06.000 Prop com.

00:01:07.000 But you became so successful as a prop comic, you kind of stole the market.

00:01:11.000 Oh.

00:01:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:01:13.000 There's no young comics coming up.

00:01:15.000 Nobody wants to be a caratom.

00:01:16.000 I think that's a good thing.

00:01:18.000 I think that's what it is.

00:01:18.000 Like, yeah, it's shit I I still get people looking for.

00:01:22.000 I don't think you get shit anymore.

00:01:23.000 No, I not as much.

00:01:24.000 But I see but you still get the aftermath of it, like just on the plane today.

00:01:24.000 No.

00:01:27.000 Some go like, I don't care what I no, what are you doing?

00:01:29.000 I said, I'm doing rogue, and they said, Oh man, I don't care what everybody else says, you're funny.

00:01:32.000 I'm like, well, who was everybody who's everybody else?

00:01:36.000 Well they get that I get that a lot.

00:01:36.000 Yeah.

00:01:37.000 You know, the people that all the people that you know pay you.

00:01:40.000 I I personally think you're funny.

00:01:41.000 That kind of stuff.

00:01:42.000 So yeah, yeah.

00:01:43.000 I'm I'm one of the rare I'm one of the rare ones that thinks you're good.

00:01:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:01:48.000 Exactly.

00:01:49.000 Yeah, I can't, you know, I had to beg my mom to come.

00:01:51.000 She did not want to come.

00:01:52.000 Okay.

00:01:52.000 Yeah, it's such a weird thing.

00:01:54.000 Well, we talked about that the last time.

00:01:56.000 Like, I think you took way too much shit from comedians, and I never understood it.

00:02:00.000 I did the the weird thing that comedians do where they hate on other comedians, like, good lord.

00:02:07.000 We live in a world that is filled with war and famine and disease and pollution and garbage and chaos and corruption.

00:02:17.000 And you want to concentrate on a prop comic.

00:02:19.000 Is that is that really what the problem is in this world?

00:02:24.000 Yeah, and it's almost always comics that are doing better than you.

00:02:27.000 Yes.

00:02:28.000 I think we tried breaking it down last time as to why.

00:02:30.000 And I think it was only because I think, one, I did get successful.

00:02:34.000 And it wasn't quick-quick, but it was quicker than maybe most.

00:02:37.000 Because I hit the scene right at the right time.

00:02:39.000 I had the act that was, you know...

00:02:42.000 It was a good for television, right?

00:02:45.000 Because it's visuals.

00:02:46.000 It's and it's it i and I got a little success, and I think people were like, you know, why they would ask Jay, you know, why do you why do you why do you have Caratop on like every month?

00:02:56.000 And Jay was like, you know, you know, yeah, brings the gun.

00:03:01.000 But uh But uh I do remember um the comedy uh the the evening at the improv and I you know I I I I played mostly that in the other one laugh uh uh the Cheesecake Factory was and then the uh the comedy store was more I admits he loved me, but I never really played there a lot.

00:03:20.000 So Bud loved me.

00:03:22.000 One night he uh he he I I came in, I said, you know, I I had my back.

00:03:26.000 Bud Friedman from the Improv Freeman.

00:03:28.000 Yeah.

00:03:28.000 Improv, sorry.

00:03:28.000 And I had my box and stuff, and he always loved me.

00:03:30.000 You know, he says, Oh man, you know, there's no there's no spots tonight.

00:03:33.000 And I said, Um, I drug it all the way, you know, fuck.

00:03:37.000 And he's like, um let me let me I'll see if I can get you in somewhere.

00:03:41.000 So the tonight show book bookers were there that night.

00:03:44.000 They were the Jim McCauley and these people were there to to pick watch comics and pick them for the tonight show.

00:03:50.000 So he's like, hey, you know what?

00:03:51.000 I'm gonna slide you in.

00:03:53.000 Um they're gonna love you.

00:03:55.000 So I go up and I had the best set ever I've ever had.

00:03:58.000 It was just I magical night, and I I don't know if I was just I knew they were there.

00:04:01.000 Every comic was coming over going, Jesus, dude.

00:04:04.000 Fuck I mean, leveled it, right?

00:04:06.000 And Jim McConnelly walks up and he says, that was amazing.

00:04:10.000 I said, Oh, thanks.

00:04:12.000 Um I said, you booked the tonight show.

00:04:14.000 You think that maybe I I could get on?

00:04:16.000 And he said, not a chance in hell.

00:04:19.000 And I was like, I had just killed.

00:04:21.000 I go, wh why?

00:04:22.000 He says, You're not you're you're Johnny would never book you.

00:04:27.000 I said, You b you but you book you booked the show, Right?

00:04:27.000 And I said, why?

00:04:30.000 He goes, he would never he would never allow it.

00:04:32.000 I said, why?

00:04:33.000 Johnny Carson.

00:04:33.000 Yeah.

00:04:34.000 He says he hates variety.

00:04:34.000 I said, why?

00:04:37.000 What a weird thing.

00:04:38.000 And I stopped in the middle of my and I'm like, the whole fucking tonight shows variety.

00:04:42.000 Yeah.

00:04:43.000 Carnak, the throwing the hatchets, every fucking thing they do.

00:04:46.000 Right.

00:04:46.000 Ed McMahon's a fucking prop, right?

00:04:48.000 The whole thing is.

00:04:49.000 They bring on animals.

00:04:50.000 Animals.

00:04:51.000 You think I'm kidding, right?

00:04:52.000 So I'm like, well, okay.

00:04:54.000 And then finally, I mean, I'm talking like two weeks after uh Johnny left, I was on with Jay.

00:05:02.000 And it was just like literally.

00:05:03.000 But the weird part about it was it still was the same studio.

00:05:06.000 You know, they had the blue sta you know the the gold stars.

00:05:09.000 You're standing right where Johnny was, and the same like Ed Decordova was still in the booth, and everyone was still like there.

00:05:16.000 So you felt like it was the the the tonight show, but uh how weird is that like no you know, don't like variety.

00:05:16.000 Yeah.

00:05:23.000 And then I would get you know singled out because uh I would do Leno so many times.

00:05:27.000 I'd ask if I could do lettering.

00:05:28.000 They said, No, you're uh you're your team Leno.

00:05:30.000 I'm like Oh it's like that Twilight movie.

00:05:34.000 I'm a team fucking whatever.

00:05:35.000 There's two teams.

00:05:36.000 Thank God that doesn't exist in podcasts that's disgusting fucking thing where if you were on one person's side, you're the enemy.

00:05:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:05:43.000 Ugh.

00:05:44.000 Probably M Leno.

00:05:44.000 Yeah.

00:05:47.000 How stupid is that?

00:05:50.000 I was, I guess.

00:05:50.000 Well, it was such famine thinking back then because you know there was only a certain amount of uh uh now you know it's not a wig sauce on there.

00:05:57.000 Well I never thought it was a wig.

00:05:58.000 No, people have that thing on straight.

00:06:00.000 Isn't it weird that like women can wear wigs?

00:06:02.000 No problem at all.

00:06:03.000 A man wears a wig, it's pretty good.

00:06:05.000 You're a loser, absolutely the man with a hair piece.

00:06:08.000 Nice hair pieced.

00:06:08.000 Yeah.

00:06:09.000 Or implants, you know, when I would I lived in LA.

00:06:12.000 I lived in L. I'd go to Gold's gym, and my hair was even more out of out of control.

00:06:12.000 This is true.

00:06:17.000 I had big ass hair.

00:06:19.000 Yeah, you had a giant frog on the city.

00:06:22.000 And these ladies were behind me, and they're like, oh my god, look at that those that woman's arms, right?

00:06:27.000 Seriously, makeup and the end of the whole nine yards.

00:06:29.000 And they were just amazed, and they came over late and said, How do you get your arms that big?

00:06:33.000 And I turned around, I said I don't know, you know, arm workout.

00:06:37.000 And she's like, Oh, and I could see their face turn, like it's a dude.

00:06:40.000 But I was kind of, you know, pretty that, you know, it's like, you know, the younger lot of hair, makeup, so and then that same gym one day, I'm I'm I'm working out, and this guy says, um, nice arms.

00:06:50.000 And I said, Thanks.

00:06:51.000 He's like uh who d who who did the work, right?

00:06:55.000 And I thought he's making I said, I didn't I put in the fucking work, you know, like who works out for me.

00:07:00.000 He's like, no, no, no.

00:07:01.000 I mean uh uh implants, right?

00:07:03.000 I'm like Only in LA would you have someone at the gym walk up and say, Oh yeah, implants?

00:07:08.000 Yeah, I have implants.

00:07:09.000 You you fucking go to the gym and you do it.

00:07:11.000 At the gym and you do curls out, assuming that someone has implants is pretty wild.

00:07:16.000 But I don't have that big of I mean this guy thought I, you know, I have to.

00:07:18.000 Well that's how gross LA is.

00:07:19.000 Yeah.

00:07:20.000 Yeah.

00:07:20.000 It's uh that's like the default assumption is that everything's fake.

00:07:24.000 Yeah, yep, every no matter what.

00:07:25.000 Who did your butt?

00:07:25.000 Where'd you get your butt?

00:07:27.000 Who did your butt?

00:07:29.000 Where'd you get your nose done?

00:07:31.000 Yeah.

00:07:31.000 It's always like no, it's true.

00:07:33.000 No one wants to believe.

00:07:34.000 Who does your plugs?

00:07:35.000 Yeah, no one wants to believe that you're natural.

00:07:36.000 That's a good idea.

00:07:38.000 Weird, I just had a guy uh this today at the airport.

00:07:41.000 Uh he said, uh, hey, you still working out?

00:07:44.000 And I'm like, you're supposed to say, I see you're still working out, right?

00:07:47.000 You don't ask him if you're still working out, that means you don't look like you work out.

00:07:50.000 Well, I think he's probably just trying to start a conversation with you.

00:07:53.000 Yeah, and we snow how to do it.

00:07:54.000 No, I did.

00:07:55.000 I said, You mean you mean I see you're still and he goes, Yeah, what did I say?

00:07:58.000 I said, You said do you still work out?

00:08:01.000 Yeah.

00:08:01.000 And what's the answer to that?

00:08:02.000 You just say yes.

00:08:03.000 I say, no, no, I'm uh I yeah.

00:08:07.000 No, I said I'm not feeling well.

00:08:08.000 Yeah.

00:08:09.000 I'm dying.

00:08:10.000 I'm dying, yeah.

00:08:11.000 Oh, you didn't hear?

00:08:12.000 Like, well, I it's radiation poisoning.

00:08:15.000 Yeah.

00:08:15.000 Something happened.

00:08:16.000 One of my toys.

00:08:18.000 Well, we say you lift like I hate that too.

00:08:20.000 I'm in the gym and like you always lift light.

00:08:23.000 I don't I guess it means I don't I don't lift I don't ever I do weights, I don't do heavy weights.

00:08:28.000 I don't have spotters, I just do cables and do some dumbbells, but people always do that.

00:08:32.000 You always work light.

00:08:34.000 Like, fucking.

00:08:35.000 I'm heavy for me.

00:08:37.000 People are silly.

00:08:38.000 There's a lot of people that just don't know what to say.

00:08:40.000 You know, they meet someone famously, they don't know what to say.

00:08:43.000 They just get weird.

00:08:44.000 They do.

00:08:45.000 And then they afterwards, they probably leave and go, why the fuck did I say that?

00:08:49.000 Jesus Christ, I feel so stupid.

00:08:52.000 I've done that before.

00:08:53.000 Meet famous people, act like an idiot, and you're like, what shit.

00:08:57.000 So I try to give people grace.

00:09:00.000 I'm so true.

00:09:01.000 So th true that.

00:09:02.000 If I see celebrity, I'm like, oh, I'm not gonna, I'm not a pan, I'm gonna fuck it up, really, right?

00:09:06.000 Do you get a lot of people coming to your shows that are famous?

00:09:08.000 You must have a lot of people.

00:09:09.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:09:09.000 Yeah.

00:09:10.000 We have um, we had a guy last night.

00:09:12.000 we had a guy here from uh Chris Jericho was at the show last night and he was uh he said decided you're gonna be a big thing.

00:09:17.000 Oh, cool.

00:09:17.000 The wrestler, yeah.

00:09:18.000 Real nice guy.

00:09:19.000 Um you've been at the Luxor for how long now?

00:09:22.000 19 uh coming up on 20.

00:09:24.000 That's crazy.

00:09:25.000 Yeah, November.

00:09:25.000 You you probably have the longest residency of anybody in Vegas.

00:09:29.000 Other than like pen and they were just talking about it.

00:09:31.000 But they don't count because one only talks.

00:09:34.000 So they've been there forever.

00:09:37.000 They've been there forever.

00:09:38.000 I remember I saw them there in 94.

00:09:38.000 Yeah.

00:09:41.000 94?

00:09:42.000 98, 98.

00:09:43.000 I saw them there in 98.

00:09:45.000 Yeah, still at the Rio.

00:09:46.000 Back when the Rio was nice.

00:09:48.000 Now it's like you gotta wear a bulletproof vestival.

00:09:48.000 Yeah, right.

00:09:50.000 They should just light it up shithole.

00:09:52.000 It's a weird place.

00:09:54.000 It's weird how some of those places just they just fall off.

00:09:57.000 They just they just get tired and then no one wants to go there anymore.

00:10:01.000 But then if they they last long enough, then they become like circus circus where they're fun.

00:10:05.000 Right, right.

00:10:06.000 It's fun to go there.

00:10:07.000 No, it is.

00:10:08.000 And and the Luxor, they just did a whole big revamp on it and nice.

00:10:11.000 It's it's it's a beautiful hotel.

00:10:12.000 Every time I walk in, it's just it's spectacular to see the the how they made that.

00:10:16.000 Well, I'm obsessed by Egypt.

00:10:18.000 So for me, it's like I wish I the Luxor was the best hotel.

00:10:22.000 I'd stay there every time.

00:10:23.000 Because it's you know, it's a fucking giant pyramid.

00:10:25.000 We actually for you.

00:10:29.000 We did a fear factor stunt where people had to slide down the Luxor once.

00:10:32.000 Oh wow.

00:10:33.000 Yeah.

00:10:34.000 They had to like grab flags on the way down.

00:10:36.000 They had a slide down.

00:10:37.000 Oh, I must see I'm not doing that.

00:10:39.000 Yeah, pretty crazy.

00:10:41.000 Pretty ridiculous.

00:10:42.000 Back in the day.

00:10:43.000 That is crazy.

00:10:44.000 Yeah.

00:10:44.000 Twenty fucking years, man.

00:10:46.000 That's a long ass time to be uh doing a residency.

00:10:49.000 So before that you were doing colleges and you were touring and you know.

00:10:53.000 Do you miss any of that?

00:10:54.000 You do a little touring.

00:10:55.000 We do a little now.

00:10:56.000 We do a little touring now and then, but uh it it's only when I did oh when I get the time the the off time.

00:11:02.000 So if I get a week off, like I'm here, I could be home in my boat, but I'm here.

00:11:06.000 Right.

00:11:07.000 Um I do uh road shows, but you know, you can't always you gotta take a break here and there because you can't kill yourself.

00:11:14.000 But uh I like the you know, I like the the touring.

00:11:17.000 I like the bus.

00:11:18.000 you feel like a rock star.

00:11:19.000 Yeah.

00:11:19.000 You pull up on a bus and you got the big venue and there's a sound check and there's people We have the the luxer, but not like you know, people hanging out by the bus, you know.

00:11:29.000 I get people like hey, you fuck my mom.

00:11:30.000 I'm like, great.

00:11:32.000 Remember, you know you're getting old.

00:11:36.000 Hey, you fuck my mom.

00:11:36.000 Fuck me now.

00:11:38.000 Pretty soon it'll be you blew my grandpa.

00:11:39.000 You know, it'd be something it'll be something.

00:11:41.000 When uh Wait, his grandpa blew me.

00:11:43.000 Uh your grandpa blew me.

00:11:45.000 Let's get this straight.

00:11:46.000 Your grandpa's a liar.

00:11:47.000 Yeah.

00:11:48.000 First of all, your grandpa's a liar.

00:11:49.000 He's dead, I'm sorry.

00:11:52.000 On his deathbed.

00:11:54.000 You know, carrot top blooming one.

00:11:58.000 Thank God he's dead.

00:11:59.000 You can't sound anybody.

00:12:00.000 The one thing that's good about not touring though, like because I mostly just work my club now, is I never feel tired.

00:12:07.000 I uh like the traveling tiredness is horrible.

00:12:11.000 You realize how bad it is to be flying all the time.

00:12:14.000 That is one great advantage of having the show every night at the at the Luxor because I leave my house.

00:12:18.000 Yeah, sleep in your own bed.

00:12:20.000 Oh yeah.

00:12:20.000 I'm home home by ten, thirty, eleven and latest.

00:12:23.000 That is a huge plus.

00:12:25.000 That's a huge plus.

00:12:25.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:12:26.000 Yeah, because the road is.

00:12:27.000 It's it can tear you up.

00:12:28.000 But then like I said, there's the ups and there's pluses and minuses of it.

00:12:31.000 It's fun, you're in a rock you're you're a rock band, you know.

00:12:34.000 There's pluses and minuses, but for me, um I mean this is the first time in my life where I haven't toured.

00:12:41.000 Yeah.

00:12:41.000 The last few years, last three, four years.

00:12:44.000 And it's nice.

00:12:44.000 Well, I guess four three years ago I was touring still.

00:12:47.000 Like two years.

00:12:48.000 The last two years.

00:12:48.000 I've just since the club opened.

00:12:50.000 I just stopped.

00:12:51.000 And it's been amazing.

00:12:53.000 I love it.

00:12:54.000 Perfect.

00:12:54.000 You know?

00:12:55.000 All my friends are doing arenas, they send me pictures.

00:12:57.000 Yeah.

00:12:57.000 Yeah, fun.

00:12:58.000 I know.

00:12:58.000 I don't want to do it.

00:12:59.000 I just fucking want to get out there.

00:13:00.000 I'll probably will uh once I make a new hour.

00:13:04.000 Because right now I'm at like 40 something minutes.

00:13:07.000 Once I get a a full new hour, I'll probably do some some tour dates just for the fuck of it.

00:13:12.000 But being at home has giant advantages.

00:13:15.000 It's uh you don't realize like how much you're destroying your body until you stop doing it.

00:13:21.000 You know?

00:13:21.000 Oh, it's yeah.

00:13:23.000 Yeah, they haven't the show is nice for that reason too.

00:13:26.000 I mean you can you have a normal day.

00:13:28.000 Yeah.

00:13:29.000 Uh I had a dog for a bit.

00:13:30.000 You can take a dog and go to work and come home and you're yeah, watching Sports Center at 10 30 in bed.

00:13:36.000 Do you uh do you feel weird living in Vegas?

00:13:39.000 Vegas is an odd place.

00:13:41.000 It's like you have to find Well, I live in the in the you know, in the Summerlin area where it's like normal suburby but then you go to work inside the devil's ball.

00:13:50.000 Then I go inside the devil's ball is a good way to put it.

00:13:52.000 And uh yeah.

00:13:53.000 And then I'm not like I leave the that down the shaft back to back to back to Summerlin.

00:13:59.000 It spits you right out the tip.

00:14:02.000 Whoo, we're home.

00:14:03.000 That was hell.

00:14:04.000 I mean, I find it funny there's a college there and a big college, you know, UNLV.

00:14:04.000 Yeah.

00:14:08.000 I find that funny because you imagine asking your parents like, hey, I want to go to college, and they're like, oh, right on, where are you gonna go?

00:14:13.000 Michigan, Iowa?

00:14:14.000 You're like, um I'm thinking about Vegas.

00:14:16.000 It's good college.

00:14:19.000 My buddy Sam Triple went there.

00:14:21.000 Yeah.

00:14:21.000 It's a good college.

00:14:21.000 Yeah.

00:14:22.000 I mean it's a good college, I'm just saying, you know, for weird for the joke purposes of the R. Well, it seems like Vegas has become more of a community now, right?

00:14:29.000 They have the Raiders now.

00:14:30.000 Aren't they getting a majority?

00:14:32.000 Golden Knights and the uh the golden nights.

00:14:35.000 Uh the hockey.

00:14:36.000 Hockey.

00:14:36.000 Right, that's right.

00:14:37.000 They've got a hockey team now.

00:14:38.000 Always have fights.

00:14:39.000 Fights almost every week.

00:14:41.000 Yeah, right.

00:14:42.000 Some kind of boxing or UFC event or something.

00:14:45.000 And there's talking of they're talking of building the baseball stadium, I think.

00:14:49.000 That's nice.

00:14:50.000 Well, it's gonna be the Vegas A's?

00:14:52.000 That's gonna be weird.

00:14:53.000 I I guess, yeah, I don't know.

00:14:55.000 It's is it the Vegas Raiders?

00:14:56.000 Is that what they call themselves?

00:14:57.000 Yeah, Las Vegas Raiders.

00:14:58.000 That's weird.

00:14:59.000 Yeah.

00:15:00.000 Well, everyone, even the commentators like, yeah, Oakland's uh Oakland Raiders, you can't you know.

00:15:05.000 It takes a long time.

00:15:06.000 People still say Washington Redskins, every you know, just every Chris Collinsworth last week.

00:15:11.000 You know, the ki the Reds get what do they call themselves now, the Redskins?

00:15:16.000 The commanders.

00:15:20.000 And you're you're talking uh this is pretty good.

00:15:22.000 I'm like a sports guy.

00:15:23.000 I know this stuff, yeah.

00:15:24.000 Yeah.

00:15:25.000 Commanders.

00:15:25.000 Yeah.

00:15:26.000 Yeah, Rentskids is a weird one, though.

00:15:28.000 Washington commanders.

00:15:29.000 That one's problematic.

00:15:30.000 Yeah.

00:15:31.000 Well, there's a lot of I guess that though.

00:15:31.000 You know.

00:15:33.000 Maybe it was something there's some articles someone did it was really great.

00:15:35.000 It broke down everything that could be.

00:15:39.000 Like the Braves, the thing, the Chiefs, they went through all these different things.

00:15:42.000 We'd have to get rid of everything.

00:15:43.000 How about Notre Dame?

00:15:44.000 The only thing left was like the dolphins because they were just but you can't you know it's a dolphin.

00:15:48.000 You can't you can't hurt a dolphin.

00:15:50.000 Yeah, but then there's dolphins in captivity.

00:15:52.000 It's kind of gross that you're capitalizing on dolphins in captivity.

00:15:56.000 Right.

00:15:57.000 There was a there was a lot of people that were upset about the Notre Dame using the fighting Irish, using that little leprechaun guy.

00:16:03.000 Yeah, right.

00:16:04.000 Yeah.

00:16:05.000 I think they're gonna have a problem with everything.

00:16:07.000 I mean, you know, geez, Louise.

00:16:09.000 That's all it is.

00:16:09.000 Yeah.

00:16:09.000 Yep.

00:16:10.000 You ever get protested?

00:16:12.000 Uh no.

00:16:13.000 I no, but we seem shocked.

00:16:16.000 No, I I haven't, but I I thought um I had a nightmare when not that I did.

00:16:21.000 Like we just I you know, I'm I'm it'd just be people outside the looks or just mad about something.

00:16:26.000 Uh no, but I've thought about that.

00:16:28.000 Because I know people have been.

00:16:29.000 Have you you've been have you been?

00:16:31.000 Oh, yeah.

00:16:31.000 Oh, whatn't see that's so strange.

00:16:33.000 Yeah.

00:16:33.000 Minor.

00:16:34.000 Just a bunch of people like mad about something.

00:16:39.000 It's always something.

00:16:40.000 You know, it's whatever it is.

00:16:41.000 People just get upset.

00:16:42.000 It's always a small group of people.

00:16:44.000 Because it's actually organized by by actual humans versus like uh these crowdfunded ones.

00:16:50.000 Right.

00:16:50.000 Where like they show up on tour buses and they all have like professionally making signs and they hand up to them and they're all getting paid protests.

00:16:57.000 Those that's a weird thing that they're doing today.

00:17:02.000 Like paid protesters.

00:17:03.000 I don't think so.

00:17:04.000 I was watching a documentary on it on YouTube the other day that was uh they they followed this woman who is a professional paid protester.

00:17:12.000 And she goes from free Palestine to this to that, uh she's been doing it for years.

00:17:18.000 She goes from one protest to the next.

00:17:20.000 That's her job.

00:17:21.000 That's her job.

00:17:22.000 And she makes, you know, X amount of a hundred dollars a day.

00:17:22.000 Yeah.

00:17:25.000 Wow.

00:17:26.000 And they fly around.

00:17:28.000 Stays at the four seasons, maybe also.

00:17:30.000 I think that kind of should be illegal.

00:17:31.000 Yeah, it kind of.

00:17:32.000 Yeah.

00:17:33.000 Because it's kind of a lie.

00:17:34.000 It's kind of fraud.

00:17:35.000 It's beyond fraud.

00:17:36.000 It's beyond fraud.

00:17:37.000 And the and the guy whoever's funding it is right.

00:17:40.000 I mean, who's paying them?

00:17:42.000 It's usually NGOs, non-government organizations that get uh taxpayer money, unfortunately.

00:17:48.000 But it's a weird thing that where you're pretending that these people are outraged when they really just want a sandwich.

00:17:53.000 Right, right, right, right.

00:17:54.000 You see them all the time in the news.

00:17:55.000 Yeah.

00:17:56.000 And people don't know the real, right?

00:17:57.000 They don't know they're not real.

00:17:58.000 No, but it's not a good idea.

00:17:59.000 Until someone points it out like you just did, and then they get exposed.

00:18:01.000 And then people are like, no.

00:18:03.000 You're just you're just listening to the hype of the what do you call the uh you know, the what do you call it?

00:18:10.000 You know Propaganda.

00:18:11.000 Propag or the other one where they're like, oh, that's just you know, the world's flat and that kind of the the thick conspiracy theories.

00:18:18.000 Oh yeah.

00:18:19.000 So I love those because I, you know, with my dad working at NASA, I would always answer ask people like, what like what do you think?

00:18:26.000 What'd your dad do at NASA?

00:18:28.000 He was uh an engineer.

00:18:29.000 He uh he he uh trained the astronauts in uh in the simulation.

00:18:35.000 Did you just he'd punch you right now?

00:18:42.000 But he's oh yeah.

00:18:42.000 I'm gonna go to the body.

00:18:44.000 I slip, I move.

00:18:46.000 Yeah.

00:18:46.000 No, because we had a we had a we just had a discussion backstage.

00:18:49.000 Oh god dang, a couple days ago.

00:18:51.000 I don't know what uh something had something happened about a flag or something.

00:18:56.000 Something flag.

00:18:57.000 A flag waving on the moon.

00:18:58.000 No, it was something about a flag like burning flag, something.

00:19:00.000 And I said, uh my friend said, That's an interesting question.

00:19:03.000 I wonder if the the the m if the flag is still on the moon.

00:19:07.000 And I said that's a great question.

00:19:09.000 Like it's one of the you had to break it down, right?

00:19:12.000 So I'd say, well, my dad would know, and I guess I'm and I'm not the brightest guy, but I would I would do like an engineer and would break it down.

00:19:12.000 Yeah.

00:19:18.000 Well, there's not you know, it's there's no wind on the moon.

00:19:22.000 I mean, there might be cosmic something wind up there, but it's not right.

00:19:25.000 It's so and there's nothing that's gonna deteriorate the flag, so it's probably still there.

00:19:29.000 If unless it got hit by micrometeorites, that's something other than that it would be right.

00:19:33.000 There's no atmosphere on the moon, so well, a very, very thin atmosphere.

00:19:36.000 So it gets pelted all the time.

00:19:38.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:19:39.000 The only thing that would probably right, but it's it unless how deep the motherfucker's put in.

00:19:44.000 And but my dad trained them to drive that little lunar rover.

00:19:47.000 Oh the joke I was gonna put in the show, I said, you know, NASA can now uh can get they're good.

00:19:52.000 They can zoom in and look at it.

00:19:54.000 So here's the NASA zoom in on the they have a on the moon.

00:19:57.000 Mm-hmm.

00:19:57.000 You see the flag.

00:19:58.000 See, I told you the fucking moon's still there.

00:20:00.000 And then we pan over and there's the Land Rover, uh, but it's it's up on blocks, and they've taken they've looted it and taken all the wheels off of it.

00:20:07.000 Said, see, the fucking thing they've already stole it.

00:20:11.000 They've already teared They did take photos.

00:20:14.000 I think it was India.

00:20:17.000 Was it India or China?

00:20:18.000 One of the satellites that they had hovering the moon took appropriately blurry, ambiguous photos of what they claim was the landing site.

00:20:30.000 Like where the the lunar module was and where the buggy is.

00:20:35.000 Well that was that would be the punchline.

00:20:36.000 You go, of course it's still there in some sound stage in LA, you know.

00:20:39.000 I think the sound stage is probably in Vegas.

00:20:41.000 I think it was out in the desert.

00:20:44.000 It might be near my house.

00:20:45.000 Could be.

00:20:45.000 I think it's out where they film where they do like uh UFO back engineering.

00:20:50.000 Yeah, maybe.

00:20:52.000 That's another weird thing.

00:20:53.000 You're you're right where where the uh Luxor is right across the street from where those guys take off to go to the area fifty one.

00:21:02.000 Really?

00:21:02.000 My brother flew those.

00:21:03.000 Whoa.

00:21:03.000 Yeah.

00:21:04.000 Here's the crazy thing, and I probably know my brother uh was Air Force, and so he retired Air Force.

00:21:11.000 F-16 fighter jet pile, and now he he for for about three years he flew those red striped planes.

00:21:18.000 And the weird thing is I'm in the Luxor when I first got the gig and I was in the in my room was at the top of the not with the lot on the light, that'd be a horrible room to be in.

00:21:28.000 People like, is it your room with the light on it?

00:21:30.000 Yeah, my room was with the light in it.

00:21:31.000 For people that don't know, there's a giant spotlight off.

00:21:34.000 But they actually had a toned down.

00:21:35.000 Yeah.

00:21:37.000 It was indeed.

00:21:38.000 Yeah.

00:21:38.000 There's three things you can see from outer space, by the way.

00:21:41.000 The Great Wall of China, the Luxor Light, and my cock.

00:21:45.000 Um Thank you.

00:21:47.000 I'm here all week, try to win.

00:21:49.000 I'm actually here all all week.

00:21:50.000 All week.

00:21:51.000 Um oh so I'm looking out the window, right?

00:21:59.000 I thought they were the some private guy, you know, is a big mil billionaire that has all these jets out there.

00:22:04.000 They were blue, so I thought, oh, this is another billion of red jets.

00:22:07.000 And so then there's four channels on my TV.

00:22:10.000 It was like when I was a kid, right?

00:22:11.000 And the Luxor was just the Luxor channel and then the you know.

00:22:14.000 So the Luxor channel would have on a loop every day, this goddamn thing about the red striped planes.

00:22:20.000 And this is real, right?

00:22:21.000 So I'm watching it and they're like, no one in the world knows where these red striped planes are.

00:22:25.000 They fly out of a d uh a a secret location.

00:22:29.000 I swear to God, in the West and I'm like, I'm looking out my window like I they're fucking right there.

00:22:34.000 And it's serious.

00:22:35.000 Like no one knows for years.

00:22:37.000 People try to discover where the red planes fly in and out of.

00:22:40.000 And like, this is a joke.

00:22:42.000 So I called my brother and I said, you know, he flies I said, you this thing says that you're you're like top secret, you don't fly anywhere.

00:22:48.000 Yeah, I don't even know what you're talking about.

00:22:50.000 You know, my brother can't tell me he wouldn't tell me.

00:22:52.000 I just thought that was so crazy.

00:22:54.000 I'm like this whole show saying there's no red planes and they and there's a mystery to if you could find them.

00:23:00.000 And I'm like, everybody knows where they are.

00:23:04.000 That's ridiculous.

00:23:04.000 Everybody literally knows where they are.

00:23:06.000 Yeah.

00:23:08.000 Unless they are fake ones.

00:23:10.000 They're the ones that the deploy see they the decoy.

00:23:13.000 The decoy.

00:23:13.000 Yeah, just like the 747, then they have the other 747.

00:23:17.000 Yeah, when Bob Lazar was working on back engineering UFOs, allegedly, that's where he used to fly out of.

00:23:23.000 They'd pick him up there and he'd fly over to Area S4.

00:23:28.000 Quick quick little flight.

00:23:29.000 Out into the middle of uh groom lake.

00:23:32.000 Quick layover and get out, and they'd say, figure this thing out.

00:23:36.000 Jeez.

00:23:37.000 Allegedly.

00:23:38.000 Yeah.

00:23:38.000 Allegedly.

00:23:39.000 Supposedly it looks like that.

00:23:40.000 That one right there.

00:23:41.000 That's the same thing.

00:23:41.000 Right.

00:23:45.000 It looks a little bit like that.

00:23:45.000 Doesn't it?

00:23:46.000 No, it's this that's the sport model.

00:23:48.000 That's what Bob supposedly was working on in the area fifty-one.

00:23:52.000 Yeah.

00:23:54.000 Yeah, who knows.

00:23:56.000 It's fun.

00:23:57.000 Yeah.

00:23:59.000 But when you're looking at those actual planes.

00:24:02.000 I'd like to talk to one of those guys.

00:24:05.000 They tell you though that then they're fucked.

00:24:08.000 Oh, yeah, like my brother's like, we talking about it.

00:24:10.000 He would not no, he says, I I uh you know, work it in and out.

00:24:13.000 No, you don't.

00:24:14.000 You fly this planes.

00:24:15.000 Tell me more.

00:24:17.000 He wouldn't tell you nothing?

00:24:18.000 No.

00:24:18.000 Even if they put the phones down and go for a walk.

00:24:20.000 No, no.

00:24:21.000 Nothing?

00:24:21.000 Your own brother?

00:24:22.000 If you were my brother, I'd tell you everything.

00:24:22.000 Yep.

00:24:24.000 Would you?

00:24:24.000 Fuck yeah.

00:24:25.000 I would too.

00:24:26.000 I don't think I can't keep a secret.

00:24:27.000 That's probably why I was like a.

00:24:28.000 That's why you're not why they wouldn't hire you.

00:24:31.000 People always ask me, like, does anybody ever tell you like secret top secret information?

00:24:35.000 Like, no, I have a big fucking mouth.

00:24:37.000 Exactly right.

00:24:38.000 They told me that UFOs are real, I'd be I'd be like, look, I'm sorry, maybe they're gonna put me in jail, but I have to tell you people.

00:24:44.000 I always have that question too, honestly, about about people that have had sort of security clearances and that.

00:24:49.000 And then they revoke them and they get rid of me.

00:24:51.000 Yeah.

00:24:52.000 My biggest I have those.

00:24:54.000 I know these things are not working.

00:24:55.000 Yeah, these aren't working.

00:24:56.000 Something about your hair.

00:24:57.000 Yeah, my physique.

00:24:59.000 Let's just let's just go ahead set less.

00:25:02.000 We don't feel like feel better.

00:25:03.000 Oh.

00:25:04.000 It was a struggle.

00:25:05.000 Can I take my pants off too?

00:25:07.000 This is a pants for the colour.

00:25:08.000 No headphone, no pants wearing his own.

00:25:10.000 You probably have extra pants in there anyway.

00:25:12.000 I might do probably have something in there.

00:25:16.000 I know I used to be able to do that.

00:25:17.000 Do you even know it's in there?

00:25:18.000 Like not just show, or do you just like reach in and see what's going on?

00:25:22.000 The show is structured, um, but when I come and do like little thing that there's not at all.

00:25:27.000 There's not nothing zero.

00:25:28.000 Do you ever do guess sets like at a comedy club?

00:25:30.000 Where you bring the I used to do it.

00:25:32.000 I used to make a thing.

00:25:33.000 Did you do it these days now?

00:25:34.000 No.

00:25:34.000 No?

00:25:34.000 I mean, to kind of do like this is what I'm doing today with Tony.

00:25:37.000 I bring a little a little bit.

00:25:39.000 Last time you did it.

00:25:39.000 Tony.

00:25:40.000 It was very fun.

00:25:41.000 I saw some.

00:25:42.000 Yeah, he said he said to me, I was at home, I said, I don't really want to do props.

00:25:45.000 You know, I want to talk.

00:25:46.000 I'm gonna do I want to be, you know, not Terra Top.

00:25:49.000 He says, but that's what I want.

00:25:51.000 I want you to be that.

00:25:53.000 And he was right.

00:25:54.000 Uh, because it was really he was right, because a lot of his it was both, right.

00:25:57.000 It was fun to talk, be funny without doing props, and then go in and show some of the stuff, and he he was beside himself.

00:25:57.000 Yeah.

00:26:02.000 He said, Are you here tomorrow night?

00:26:04.000 I'm here.

00:26:05.000 Uh no.

00:26:06.000 No.

00:26:07.000 Tonight and I have a show there tomorrow night.

00:26:09.000 Ah shit I was.

00:26:11.000 Oh, that would be pulled the box up.

00:26:13.000 Oh man, I would have done that in a heartbeat.

00:26:14.000 Another time.

00:26:15.000 He'll be back.

00:26:16.000 Yeah.

00:26:16.000 Next time I was playing on that.

00:26:18.000 Yeah, that would be fun.

00:26:20.000 Absolutely.

00:26:20.000 Yeah.

00:26:21.000 I just had Ron White come up on on stage um just last Friday.

00:26:26.000 Oh, he was in Vegas.

00:26:26.000 He was in Vegas uh and he came out and you know Ron's just a hoot.

00:26:31.000 He says uh he he comes in and I said, you know, what I said, Well, I I thought you know, what do you want me to do?

00:26:37.000 I said, Well you just just do what I you know, don't you not do stress out, don't come out and do 20 minutes.

00:26:42.000 Just I think just poke your head out.

00:26:44.000 I I have a I had a I have a bit in my act where I talk about my dad working at NASA and training astronauts, and it says like Neil Armstrong and John Glenn.

00:26:52.000 They all these pictures come up and Katie Perry, and everybody goes, ah and so if my dad was alive, you could hear him right now.

00:26:58.000 He goes, What the fuck?

00:27:00.000 And I got Ron White to do the voice for it, right?

00:27:02.000 So the crowd they already know it.

00:27:04.000 You just hear his voice.

00:27:05.000 What the fuck?

00:27:06.000 And everybody's like, Ron, why?

00:27:08.000 So I said, That sounds like Ron White.

00:27:10.000 I said, Fucking sounds a lot like Ron White.

00:27:13.000 And he he walks out and he goes, Well, no shit, Sherlock.

00:27:16.000 And the crowd loses it, right?

00:27:18.000 And he's so nice.

00:27:19.000 He's I was gonna come out here and say something, but you're fucking I was having a good set.

00:27:24.000 Fucking blowing the roof all of the fucking place.

00:27:27.000 And so he says, uh, do you saw him in it?

00:27:30.000 I said, No, dude, I joke, all right, I'll do and he did some joke.

00:27:34.000 And it was great, 'cause he he's he was in I'm watching the whole show.

00:27:38.000 He's like one of my men, you know, heroes in life.

00:27:40.000 He's sitting there watching the show.

00:27:42.000 Then he's gone for like I don't know, I'm his bit's coming up.

00:27:45.000 I don't know where he is.

00:27:46.000 And you could smell pot, the whole the whole theater.

00:27:48.000 So I smell like it's not a joke.

00:27:50.000 And I'm like, oh fuck.

00:27:51.000 I hope it's I mean, Ron, you can't like smoke weed in here.

00:27:54.000 So he I go off after get we comes out and he says he just it comes.

00:27:58.000 So I said, All right, no hand for Ron White, and I said some kind of j I said, and uh if you smell weed, it's probably he's back, he goes back in my dress.

00:28:05.000 Now there's another show back that's back down in there, all these stripper girls, and he's they're all like, Hey, I didn't know you partied.

00:28:12.000 I'm like, What?

00:28:13.000 Like, I didn't know you party.

00:28:14.000 I've been there nineteen years.

00:28:15.000 I'm like, I don't party.

00:28:16.000 They're like, no, that's I oh that's my friend Ron.

00:28:19.000 He's smoking weed.

00:28:20.000 They're like, holy she's got good shit.

00:28:22.000 I mean it was it would just bellow through the whole lobby out into the lobby.

00:28:26.000 Yeah, he can go hard.

00:28:27.000 Oh, he goes and I smoked weed with him and then done a set and be like, Oh my god, what am I talking about?

00:28:31.000 Yeah, no.

00:28:32.000 He was so bliterate.

00:28:33.000 He and then he left his weed and his wallet in my dressing room.

00:28:36.000 Oh no, did you see his wallet?

00:28:37.000 Yeah, fuck guys of his wallet.

00:28:39.000 And his weed.

00:28:41.000 He's here.

00:28:42.000 He lives here.

00:28:42.000 He does I know, he's he was said he might surprise me today at uh later.

00:28:46.000 Oh nice.

00:28:47.000 Um and you've done with I I don't know if I thought I do shows with him every week.

00:28:51.000 I think it's not great.

00:28:54.000 He's he's he's he's the best.

00:28:55.000 He's just uh he's one of the main reasons why I moved here.

00:28:58.000 Oh, that's crazy.

00:28:59.000 Yeah, when um he moved here in two thousand, I think, seventeen or eighteen, I think eighteen.

00:29:04.000 And uh I was like, Well, where are you, man?

00:29:06.000 I miss you.

00:29:07.000 He's like, I moved back to Austin.

00:29:08.000 I fucking love it.

00:29:09.000 It's in the middle of the country.

00:29:10.000 I can fly here from everywhere.

00:29:12.000 It's like three hours no matter where you go, three hours to New York, three hours to LA, perfectly centrally located, people are nice, food's great.

00:29:22.000 I was like, All right.

00:29:23.000 He's right.

00:29:24.000 He meant he got me thinking about Austin.

00:29:25.000 And then when the pandemic hit, I was like, Well, if I move to Austin, at the very least, Ron's gonna be there.

00:29:30.000 I'm like, there's a good comedy club there, but the comedy club had already closed.

00:29:34.000 Um I'm like, but at least Ron's there, you know.

00:29:36.000 I'll have a friend.

00:29:38.000 I just had to get out of LA.

00:29:39.000 And he was just raving about how good come on down, man.

00:29:42.000 Austin's fucking awesome.

00:29:46.000 He's also the one who talked me into opening up a club.

00:29:46.000 Weed.

00:29:49.000 Awesome.

00:29:50.000 Yeah.

00:29:50.000 It was it was totally Ron.

00:29:52.000 He hadn't done sta it's a really funny story.

00:29:54.000 He hadn't done stand-up in like eight months.

00:29:56.000 He goes, I'm fucking retired.

00:29:57.000 Because it was the pandemic and all the chaos.

00:30:00.000 I'm fucking retired, I'm done, I got plenty of money, I'm just gonna enjoy life and this and that.

00:30:04.000 I'm like, okay.

00:30:05.000 Come on, man.

00:30:06.000 Really?

00:30:07.000 I'm like, you're so funny.

00:30:08.000 Like I just can't believe that.

00:30:10.000 And so then uh Tony put on a show at the Vulcan.

00:30:13.000 Tony had done uh like one or two shows indoors.

00:30:15.000 I'm like, which was crazy.

00:30:17.000 Like, oh my god, we're doing shows indoors in 2020.

00:30:20.000 This is madness.

00:30:21.000 Right.

00:30:21.000 And in LA people are freaking out, you're killing Green!

00:30:24.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:30:25.000 So uh Ron um was like, Oh fucking, I don't even know if I'm gonna do a set.

00:30:31.000 And then uh he decided to go on stage.

00:30:34.000 He went on stage, the audience went fucking bananas.

00:30:36.000 He got a huge standing ovation the moment he went on stage, murdered.

00:30:40.000 I mean murdered for 15 minutes.

00:30:42.000 And then he came off stage and he grabbed me by my shoulders.

00:30:45.000 And he goes, Whatever the fuck we have to do, we're gonna keep doing this.

00:30:49.000 You gotta open that club.

00:30:50.000 I'm like, okay, okay, we're gonna go.

00:30:52.000 That's great.

00:30:53.000 That was uh the beginning of the comedy mothership.

00:30:55.000 It was Ron White.

00:30:56.000 How great is that?

00:30:57.000 Yeah, he's the he was the original.

00:30:59.000 He was the the Christopher Columbus, but that's a bad example because that guy was a real piece of shit.

00:31:04.000 Uh, you know, he was the original pioneer that came here.

00:31:08.000 Yeah, crazy.

00:31:09.000 We went out, um that's I'll do one more Ron White story because it's it's it's just incredible.

00:31:15.000 I go, I go, he go we go out, there's a little fancy, like uh one of these posh little bars down somewhere in the fancy hotel.

00:31:23.000 And I even said, Where do you want to go?

00:31:24.000 And he says, This is kind of like, you know, little I thought we go to a bar.

00:31:29.000 He said, Let's go with the one at the area or whatever.

00:31:31.000 So we go and it's it's real fancy and we sit down and the waitress walks over to us and it's there's three of us, his wife is his girlfriend, me, my friend, and I said, Um, I'll let's do a crown the rocks and she's I'll have a glass of wine and and uh as I look over to his wife, I said, Would you like a damn someone smoking weed?

00:31:51.000 And Ron's is literally he looked at he's like, Well, no fucking shit.

00:31:56.000 And I go, Ron, you you can't s you can't smoke pot in here.

00:32:00.000 He goes, Well the hell again.

00:32:02.000 Who the hell's gonna throw Ron White and Caratop out of a fucking bar?

00:32:07.000 And within seconds, Metro is standing there going, You guys get the fuck out of here.

00:32:11.000 And Ron's like, You gotta be fucking shit.

00:32:13.000 I said, Ron, you can't like he just he the cops are there, and he's like Well, they're good, they're good.

00:32:19.000 I said, No, we're not good.

00:32:21.000 We gotta go.

00:32:22.000 He just thought he you who's gonna he did that in my backstage this last week.

00:32:25.000 I said, You can't smoke pot back here.

00:32:27.000 He's it's your fucking dressing room.

00:32:28.000 What does that mean?

00:32:30.000 It means you can't because I've got other no, because I've got the other people, the girls, the show.

00:32:36.000 Oh, the next is a lot of the other people back to these that I can't do.

00:32:40.000 The next show is like strippers.

00:32:41.000 It's called fantasy, yeah.

00:32:42.000 It's like my lot like my show, except it's it's funnier and there's naked people.

00:32:47.000 So yeah.

00:32:48.000 What is it?

00:32:48.000 It's just a girls' dancing review show.

00:32:51.000 Oh they used to have something like that.

00:32:54.000 It was called Crazy Girls.

00:32:55.000 Yeah.

00:32:55.000 There was like comedians would host it.

00:32:58.000 Yeah.

00:32:59.000 That was kind of like this one.

00:33:00.000 They have a they can have it have a comic in the middle and then the girls.

00:33:03.000 Yeah, it's a good show.

00:33:04.000 They've been there for a while.

00:33:05.000 It's for people that want an excuse to see strippers, but they don't want to go to a strip club.

00:33:08.000 Right, right.

00:33:09.000 So they try to exactly take a date to a show.

00:33:12.000 Right.

00:33:13.000 See some titties.

00:33:14.000 I think that it's smart, isn't it?

00:33:16.000 So you wouldn't go to a strip club, honey.

00:33:17.000 Went to a fancy titty bar.

00:33:20.000 Vegas is such an odd place.

00:33:22.000 There's nothing like that place.

00:33:23.000 It's so strange.

00:33:25.000 It's just got such a history.

00:33:27.000 First of all, the beginning of it, right?

00:33:28.000 It's founded by the mob.

00:33:30.000 Like they literally want a place where they can get gambling.

00:33:33.000 And then in order to have legal gambling, there's probably some sort of a deal where they let the government blow nukes off in the middle of the fucking mountains.

00:33:42.000 So there's spots out there where you really can't even visit because they detonated 50-60 nukes.

00:33:48.000 It's crazy.

00:33:48.000 Yeah.

00:33:49.000 That's a killed John Wayne, you know.

00:33:51.000 Uh Vegas?

00:33:52.000 John Wayne was doing a movie in Nevada about Genghis Khan.

00:33:57.000 It's a terrible movie.

00:33:58.000 Uh and uh he did that movie, and uh a giant percentage of the people that worked on the movie got cancer from it.

00:34:04.000 Oh shit.

00:34:05.000 Because they were literally like right down the road from one of the test sites.

00:34:10.000 Oh.

00:34:11.000 Yeah.

00:34:12.000 That's crazy.

00:34:13.000 It's fucked, right?

00:34:14.000 Yeah.

00:34:14.000 But I I always thought that's probably one of the reasons why they allowed them to do the gambling thing there.

00:34:20.000 They probably made some sort of a deal.

00:34:21.000 Like, yeah, you can have gambling, but this is what we want to do.

00:34:25.000 We want to blow off nukes.

00:34:25.000 Yeah.

00:34:28.000 Jesus.

00:34:30.000 I feel like that sometimes on when I'm on stage of Luxor, something something comes down.

00:34:38.000 And it you can the crowd can see it, just particle of something.

00:34:41.000 It's always like, Oh, that's nice.

00:34:43.000 You know, the place is fine.

00:34:44.000 Asbestos.

00:34:46.000 Well, it's not nukes.

00:34:48.000 Luxor was built in like what the early 2000s?

00:34:51.000 Yeah, no, it would be new, it wouldn't be nuclear stuff.

00:34:53.000 When was that place built?

00:34:54.000 Yeah, something like that.

00:34:55.000 Well, 2000 or something like that?

00:34:57.000 Because when we filmed Fear Factor, there was like two thousand dollars.

00:35:01.000 So, yeah, two thousand.

00:35:03.000 Yeah.

00:35:04.000 So I don't think they'll use asbestos, but it's just such a weird place.

00:35:08.000 Ninety-three.

00:35:10.000 Oh, wow.

00:35:12.000 No kidding.

00:35:13.000 Oh shit, we're way I'm way off.

00:35:14.000 And I work there.

00:35:14.000 Wow.

00:35:15.000 Fuck.

00:35:17.000 Not too far off, ten years.

00:35:20.000 Oh.

00:35:22.000 Look at that.

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00:36:54.000 It was a great idea.

00:36:56.000 Yeah, it's still phenomenal.

00:36:58.000 You walk inside it.

00:37:00.000 I was there recently.

00:37:01.000 I went to see what the bodies of it.

00:37:03.000 You walk in, it's like you do a joke like that.

00:37:07.000 Yeah, I got I had sex on a really hot chicken and then they finally they threw me out of the bodies exhibit or something if you have a joke and something stupid.

00:37:13.000 That bodies exhibit is fucking creepy.

00:37:16.000 Do you know the story behind that place?

00:37:18.000 I look well a little bit, I mean, yeah, that kind of.

00:37:21.000 They're mostly well.

00:37:25.000 They don't really know like where they're getting the bodies, but they do know that a lot of them are political prisoners.

00:37:33.000 Yeah.

00:37:34.000 So it's basically like people that ran afoul of the Chinese government, so they whack 'em and turn them into statues.

00:37:40.000 Wow.

00:37:42.000 That's creepy.

00:37:42.000 It's right outside my theater.

00:37:44.000 Yeah, well a lot of them they they call like unidentified bodies.

00:37:49.000 But the the real problem is like to be unidentified body, you have to be unidentified for 30 days.

00:37:55.000 But then in order to do the plastination process where they turn you into a statue, it has to take place within 48 hours of death.

00:38:03.000 So someone's lying.

00:38:08.000 Fuck.

00:38:09.000 Yeah.

00:38:10.000 Someone's lying.

00:38:11.000 Makes a lot more sense now.

00:38:12.000 A lot of them are bullet holes.

00:38:13.000 What a great place to have a comedy club right next to like the Titanic Museum and dead fucking bodies, right?

00:38:18.000 Yeah.

00:38:18.000 And then get you more in a mood for a show.

00:38:20.000 I saw that too.

00:38:21.000 The Titanic Museum.

00:38:22.000 Yeah, Titanic Museum.

00:38:23.000 They have actually have a big chunk of the Titanic on display there.

00:38:23.000 That's pretty dope.

00:38:26.000 Yeah, I've been in there.

00:38:27.000 Yeah.

00:38:29.000 But it wasn't what a wild time where people would just get on a fucking boat and travel across the ocean with no YouTube, no GPS, hope they didn't hit an iceberg.

00:38:39.000 And that was like super fancy high tech travel.

00:38:43.000 Imagine the people that traveled 30, 40 years before that.

00:38:46.000 Wooden boats.

00:38:48.000 Yeah.

00:38:49.000 Not having any idea.

00:38:52.000 Just going on a uh a promise that you had a job waiting on the other side of the fucking ocean.

00:38:59.000 Right.

00:39:00.000 Yeah.

00:39:01.000 So my grandparents got here.

00:39:03.000 There are probably comics on those cruise ships working on it.

00:39:05.000 Oh, terrible comics on those cruise ships.

00:39:07.000 That's the worst job in comedy.

00:39:09.000 Ever, right?

00:39:10.000 I did one.

00:39:10.000 Ever.

00:39:12.000 That's my only one.

00:39:13.000 It's one of those things where a guy, you know, there's some guys that like it.

00:39:17.000 Like I know Alonzo Bowden does like jazz cruises.

00:39:20.000 Like Alonzo Bowden is a he's a great comic, but he's also like a giant jazz fan.

00:39:25.000 Loves jazz music.

00:39:26.000 So he'll go on jazz cruises, and it's it's probably perfect for him because like it's like if I went on an MMA cruise.

00:39:33.000 You know, I could talk about it's like you can talk about subjects that most people in a regular crowd be like, what the fuck is he talking about?

00:39:41.000 If you're talking about obscure jazz music, you know.

00:39:44.000 Yeah.

00:39:44.000 No, that would work.

00:39:45.000 I have a lot of friends.

00:39:46.000 I just don't know.

00:39:46.000 Love cruise ships.

00:39:47.000 Have you heard what they're doing with AI music, speaking of judges?

00:39:51.000 Yes.

00:39:52.000 They they did fifty, I sent it to Jamie today.

00:39:55.000 They took fifty cents many men and made it like a soulful song that seems like it's from the 50s or 60s.

00:40:03.000 Have you heard them?

00:40:04.000 No, but I heard I've heard a few other ones, not the 50 cent one.

00:40:07.000 Dude, you want to listen to it?

00:40:08.000 It's so fucking good.

00:40:08.000 Yeah.

00:40:09.000 I I sent it to Brian Simpson and he said, that is the best fucking thing you've ever sent me.

00:40:14.000 So they just they just they just did that.

00:40:16.000 Yes, through AI.

00:40:17.000 It's not even a real human being's voice.

00:40:20.000 And it's fucking good, dude.

00:40:22.000 It's good where you're like, woo.

00:40:24.000 Listen to this.

00:40:25.000 It seems weird hearing these lyrics with this kind of singing, You know, because it's like hardcore gangster rap music, but with listen to this though.

00:40:35.000 It's kind of crazy that they're doing Miniman.

00:40:40.000 wish death upon me guitar solo Blood and light dog and I can't see.

00:40:55.000 I'm trying to be what I'm destined to be.

00:41:05.000 And Nick was trying to take my life away.

00:41:10.000 Isn't that great?

00:41:12.000 It gets better.

00:41:13.000 I'll put a hole in a nickel.

00:41:17.000 For fucking with me.

00:41:23.000 My back on the wall.

00:41:25.000 Now you gonna see.

00:41:31.000 Better watch how you talk.

00:41:34.000 When you talk about me Cause I'll come and take your life away Woo!

00:41:45.000 Isn't that great?

00:41:47.000 How incredible.

00:41:49.000 Nobody sings lyrics like that with those kind of lyrics.

00:41:53.000 It's gangster rap lyrics with an incredible voice.

00:41:57.000 AI is fucking scary, man.

00:41:59.000 That's so good.

00:41:59.000 Yeah.

00:42:01.000 If that was a dude, if that was a dude who sang that, I was like, who's this guy?

00:42:05.000 Right.

00:42:05.000 You know, I'm like, this guy is fire.

00:42:08.000 That's the kind of stuff we're gonna be, yeah.

00:42:10.000 But I mean, uh the first time I heard about it was uh Randy Travis had a song out, and I love Randy Travis, so I was like, he has a new album, he's not doing well.

00:42:17.000 He can't, you know, he hasn't that's right.

00:42:19.000 They used AI, but that was his decision, right?

00:42:22.000 Yes, yeah.

00:42:23.000 I think he wrote the music.

00:42:24.000 Yeah, I think he did.

00:42:25.000 But it just it blew me away.

00:42:27.000 We had a whole fight with my crew, like it's AI, it's not fucking AI, it's AI.

00:42:31.000 It is.

00:42:33.000 But the difference is like this is not a real person's voice.

00:42:36.000 Right, right.

00:42:36.000 Um it's probably a conglomeration of multiple different singers for at least I'm guessing.

00:42:41.000 I'm looking at it is it actually a guy?

00:42:42.000 I don't know where this started, but I'm looking at the one that I'm looking at.

00:42:45.000 They are trying to sell this like it's a they tried to make it seem like 50 cent covered this song from some guy named Shifty Brent.

00:42:53.000 Oh, yeah, but they do that stuff.

00:42:54.000 They did that with the Chris Rock thing when Chris Rock got slapped by Will Smith.

00:42:58.000 They tried to pretend that it was an old television show.

00:43:00.000 Yeah, and they did an AI version of this old television show where a guy goes on stage and slaps the comedian.

00:43:05.000 It's really funny.

00:43:06.000 It's AI is so squirrely.

00:43:09.000 They're probably just trying to make money.

00:43:11.000 That's why they did it.

00:43:12.000 But goddamn, it's the Randy Travis one, you're his voice.

00:43:15.000 But I don't think so.

00:43:17.000 No, no, it is.

00:43:18.000 So what they do is like it's my voice too.

00:43:19.000 Like they they use AI with my there's a there's a whole podcast with me and Steve Jobs.

00:43:24.000 I never met Steve Jobs.

00:43:25.000 Oh god, there's a whole podcast that somebody made with AI.

00:43:28.000 AI because you have Steve Jobs' voice and you have my voice, thousands and thousands of hours.

00:43:32.000 Every sound that I can make with my voice is already been made.

00:43:36.000 So all the computer has to do that weird noises.

00:43:41.000 Weird noises.

00:43:42.000 Um, but all the computer has to do is just take uh a giant amount of your noise, sure, and then apply it and then apply it differently, emotionally, slowly, somberly, angrily, and you can just put it all together.

00:43:56.000 They just had one with me, something.

00:43:58.000 And it was like what the f and it was me doing something uh, you know, they do ransom phone calls where people call people and say, Well, I've been kidnapped, I need money.

00:44:06.000 It was not it was uh, hey, it's it's it's me.

00:44:06.000 That's what it was.

00:44:09.000 I'm listening if you could uh help me out.

00:44:11.000 I need um and it was like I was broke and I was down and out, I needed uh money and they stopped sucking my dick and we're in the desert.

00:44:20.000 Send money.

00:44:21.000 Yeah, there's it's it's weird, it's real weird because it's super good now.

00:44:26.000 It in the beginning when we first started hearing it was kind of obvious because the inflections were off, like the way you would say something, like like the inflections in that's amazing was insane.

00:44:37.000 Yeah, you know that's that I'll take that I'll take your life.

00:44:40.000 Watch how you're talking about me, ow, take your life away.

00:44:45.000 That's great.

00:44:45.000 Ooh, you hear it?

00:44:47.000 You're like, damn.

00:44:48.000 So that means that that we we associate with uh a soulful, incredibly creative person with an amazing God-given talent of a voice, but it's not.

00:45:00.000 That's what's crazy.

00:45:00.000 Right.

00:45:01.000 Like they nailed it.

00:45:02.000 Even though I know it's fake, I love it.

00:45:04.000 Yeah, and you love it too.

00:45:05.000 Like we're listening like this.

00:45:07.000 No, that was great.

00:45:07.000 that was beautiful.

00:45:08.000 But we know it's fake.

00:45:09.000 That's kind of crazy.

00:45:10.000 The Randy Travis thing is different because what they just did is he wrote it, and then he can't sing anymore, but they have thousands of hours of him singing.

00:45:20.000 They take that and then just turn it into him singing.

00:45:22.000 That's amazing.

00:45:23.000 It is him singing.

00:45:24.000 It's actually his voice.

00:45:26.000 It's just not coming out of his mouth.

00:45:27.000 It's coming out of technology, but it is his voice.

00:45:30.000 And it's his writing.

00:45:32.000 Right.

00:45:32.000 So it's like it really is a Randy Travis album.

00:45:35.000 It's just Randy Trav like you can enjoy someone that can't do it anymore, but it's still alive.

00:45:41.000 Right, sure.

00:45:42.000 You know?

00:45:43.000 Like that guy had so many great songs.

00:45:46.000 Oh man.

00:45:46.000 Oh my God.

00:45:47.000 That guy is.

00:45:48.000 I could go on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever, ever and ever.

00:45:51.000 Well, you have to have.

00:45:52.000 No, he's got so many.

00:45:53.000 I love I'm my first uh big country says Kenny Rogers, and my dad would go see Kenny Rogers every goddamn every concert my dad went to is Kenny Rogers.

00:46:03.000 Really?

00:46:03.000 Literally.

00:46:04.000 That's hilarious.

00:46:05.000 And then he goes Oh, we put the head to the city.

00:46:06.000 No, I couldn't.

00:46:08.000 I'm off because it's yeah, I I feel more animated.

00:46:11.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:46:12.000 The uh This is weird.

00:46:14.000 So we get he goes to see Kenny Rogers, and I'm I'm just like twelve or something, thirteen.

00:46:19.000 He says, You want to go?

00:46:20.000 So my dad's, I said I'll go to Kenny.

00:46:21.000 First concert, Kenny Rogers.

00:46:23.000 It's like huge.

00:46:24.000 He was playing like arenas.

00:46:25.000 It was him and Tammy Wynette, and then it was great.

00:46:28.000 You gotta know how we write all the hits.

00:46:31.000 No, and we go total.

00:46:33.000 Yeah, no, and then the second concert I go to was Kenny Rogers, right?

00:46:39.000 So I'm like, geez, all right.

00:46:40.000 I don't think there's anything else but Kenny Rogers, right?

00:46:43.000 Third time I go to this fucking thing.

00:46:45.000 I'm like, Dad, is it can we go to like Alabama?

00:46:47.000 Can we go do another another concert?

00:46:49.000 Because he loved Alabama, he loved his No Kenny Rogers is So then I meet Kenny Rogers in an elevator in LA.

00:46:57.000 Like it's just the weirdest thing.

00:46:58.000 Bing, doors open.

00:46:59.000 And he gets standing, he gets on.

00:47:01.000 I said, I said, Oh man, I don't bother you're legend.

00:47:05.000 He's like, Thank you.

00:47:06.000 I said, Do you know the first concert I ever went to?

00:47:09.000 He says, Um, I'm gonna say me.

00:47:11.000 I said, Yep.

00:47:12.000 That's awesome.

00:47:13.000 I said, You know what?

00:47:14.000 The second concert I went to?

00:47:15.000 He says, Nope.

00:47:16.000 I said, you.

00:47:18.000 He says, Wow, that's awesome.

00:47:19.000 I said, You want to know the third?

00:47:20.000 He goes, All right, fuck off.

00:47:22.000 He goes, fuck off.

00:47:23.000 Where are we going with this?

00:47:24.000 I said, My dad took me to your concert three times in a row.

00:47:27.000 He goes, Well, you had a you have a great dad.

00:47:29.000 And I and then it was just kind of awkward.

00:47:31.000 He was just, we're just I kind of ran out of it.

00:47:33.000 That's exactly what we were talking about.

00:47:34.000 Yeah, act weird in front of the celebrities.

00:47:35.000 And I did right, and we're looking we're just looking at the numbers and we're going up and finally I said, Oh, and you know what?

00:47:40.000 You have great chicken.

00:47:42.000 And I'm like, what the fuck?

00:47:43.000 I didn't know what else to say.

00:47:44.000 And but he really did have this great chicken roadsters thing.

00:47:47.000 And that's what I said.

00:47:48.000 And he went like he looked at me like fuck off.

00:47:50.000 I said, No, I and the sides are great too.

00:47:52.000 The chicken that m that song The Gambler, how many people did that turn into gambling junkies?

00:47:57.000 Right.

00:47:58.000 Romanticized gambling.

00:47:59.000 It made it seem so you gotta know when to hold I'm doing I do, I know when.

00:48:04.000 But you gotta know when to vote.

00:48:05.000 I know when to run.

00:48:06.000 I know what I'm doing.

00:48:07.000 I got it.

00:48:08.000 Did they make a make a TV movie about that?

00:48:10.000 Wasn't there like a TV movie?

00:48:12.000 Yeah, called the Gambl.

00:48:15.000 I think there's a TV movie called The Gambler.

00:48:19.000 We'll find out in seconds.

00:48:22.000 Yep.

00:48:23.000 Yeah.

00:48:24.000 Yeah, there's something about there's something about music that was created before the the internet.

00:48:29.000 The gambler, here you go.

00:48:32.000 What year is this?

00:48:33.000 1980.

00:48:36.000 There's something about stuff that was created before the internet that's so fascinating.

00:48:41.000 It's like an archaeological dig, you know?

00:48:43.000 Like this is that.

00:48:45.000 That's just great.

00:48:46.000 Like that even looks great.

00:48:47.000 It's like you want to watch it.

00:48:49.000 Can I say it?

00:48:50.000 Can I listen to it's like an archaeological dig.

00:48:54.000 Like you're you're looking at the way people used to behave and talk before the internet.

00:49:00.000 Right.

00:49:01.000 You know, it's weird.

00:49:02.000 It's like oddly fake.

00:49:04.000 You know?

00:49:05.000 It's like oddly like interesting how you you analyze that way.

00:49:09.000 That's what now I want to see what you're talking about.

00:49:11.000 Yeah, like I'm being uh I'm an amateur archaeologist here.

00:49:15.000 This is a different time human beings from 1980 were like a different thing.

00:49:21.000 Everybody would just leave the house.

00:49:23.000 Everyone had a key.

00:49:26.000 Nobody knew where anybody was at any given time.

00:49:29.000 You left the house, you were gone.

00:49:31.000 We didn't even have answering machines yet.

00:49:33.000 No, right.

00:49:34.000 People were basically wild animals who lived in houses.

00:49:38.000 And they only knew how to behave from movies and TV.

00:49:41.000 Give me some of this.

00:49:44.000 Oh, is it still playing the music?

00:49:46.000 Oh, okay.

00:49:46.000 Is this the theme song?

00:49:48.000 It's playing the song the gambler.

00:49:50.000 I wanted yeah.

00:49:51.000 That's great.

00:49:51.000 That's so funny.

00:49:52.000 Look at it, even in the way it looks.

00:49:54.000 The way it looks, it looks so cord ball.

00:49:56.000 It's just kind of amazing.

00:50:00.000 You know?

00:50:02.000 How about it?

00:50:03.000 People just kind of accepted I love the fact that how you put it, there's the there was not even having uh self recall.

00:50:10.000 Yeah, answer to the show.

00:50:11.000 Answer machines.

00:50:13.000 We were wild animals.

00:50:15.000 People in 1980 were essentially wild animals.

00:50:17.000 They were wild animals who had children.

00:50:19.000 No one knew what was going on in the world.

00:50:21.000 Everybody was completely uninformed.

00:50:23.000 Right.

00:50:24.000 It's crazy.

00:50:25.000 We were all worried that Russia was gonna blow us up.

00:50:27.000 That was every day.

00:50:28.000 Everybody's worried about Russia blowing us up.

00:50:30.000 And no one knew what was going on, and everybody lived in bliss.

00:50:33.000 And you only knew the people in your neighborhood.

00:50:35.000 Didn't know anybody else.

00:50:37.000 You didn't know like people there wasn't even one one hundredth of the amount of famous people back then.

00:50:37.000 No.

00:50:44.000 There was a tiny amount of famous people.

00:50:45.000 There was Elvis and a few other folks.

00:50:47.000 Yeah.

00:50:48.000 Just a few rock stars.

00:50:49.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:50:49.000 A few comics.

00:50:50.000 There's like Richard Probey.

00:50:52.000 Right.

00:50:52.000 Or the TV shows that you find, you know.

00:50:55.000 Uh dude, animals.

00:50:57.000 We were looking at Kenny Rogers.

00:50:59.000 Selling.

00:51:01.000 These are wild animals that have just been introduced to technology and they're aping what it's like to be a grown-up.

00:51:07.000 Like they're just figuring it out.

00:51:09.000 And now here we are.

00:51:10.000 We're like the teenagers.

00:51:11.000 We're the adolescents of civilization.

00:51:14.000 So we realize that's kind of silly.

00:51:16.000 And everything there's a but there's stuff from then that's better than stuff that's today for for whatever weird reason.

00:51:23.000 There's some music back then that hits you because like you realize like how special this really like Prince, for instance.

00:51:31.000 Like I remember the first time I listened to Prince, I listened to uh I was delivering newspapers at the time, and I listened to uh I wanna be your lover.

00:51:39.000 And I was like, who the fuck is this guy, man?

00:51:42.000 Like this guy was coming out of nowhere.

00:51:45.000 He was like uh androgynous.

00:51:50.000 Like be he was a beautiful man with this long flowing hair, and the first album is him with his shirt off, just staring at you like, what the fuck is going on?

00:52:00.000 And then I want to be your lover.

00:52:02.000 I heard that.

00:52:03.000 I was like, oh my god, this guy's talented.

00:52:05.000 But he was like out of nowhere talented.

00:52:09.000 You know what I mean?

00:52:10.000 Like w who the fuck was like that guy before him?

00:52:13.000 He was completely different than anybody that came before.

00:52:13.000 Right.

00:52:20.000 He was very different too.

00:52:21.000 Right.

00:52:21.000 But that hit, because I remember when Prince came out, I'm like, oh, he's trying to be Michael Jackson.

00:52:25.000 Or no, yeah.

00:52:26.000 But he could he wasn't.

00:52:27.000 What year is this?

00:52:28.000 Is it this is his first performance?

00:52:30.000 Oh, let me see this.

00:52:32.000 Let me hear some of this.

00:52:35.000 There you go.

00:52:36.000 There's your song.

00:52:38.000 What a song.

00:52:41.000 Look at him.

00:52:42.000 No, he's legitimate.

00:52:46.000 Bro.

00:52:48.000 This this this video, you take if you took the sound off this and you put in like Cinderella, it would probably match his Aerosmith.

00:52:57.000 But it looked how he's doing it, but he's like, What is my head?

00:53:00.000 Right, right.

00:53:00.000 He's got it.

00:53:02.000 It looks like compelling.

00:53:04.000 Yes.

00:53:04.000 was so compelling.

00:53:05.000 All I ever wanted to do I want to be a brother.

00:53:13.000 I bet women were so confused why they wanted to fuck him.

00:53:16.000 Like, why do I want to fuck that woman?

00:53:18.000 They wanted to fucking dig like he cracked the code.

00:53:21.000 He figures something out.

00:53:22.000 Like when you're a five foot three dude with insane amount of talent, and you're wearing stiletto heels on stage, and everybody wants to fuck you.

00:53:30.000 Because he was that fucking talented.

00:53:33.000 He was that talented.

00:53:34.000 And then it was also his music was so wild.

00:53:37.000 Like that song Head.

00:53:39.000 I remember that song.

00:53:41.000 I that was like, what year was head?

00:53:43.000 Is that like 86 or something like that?

00:53:46.000 Like what year was that?

00:53:49.000 Not my music.

00:53:50.000 I know the thing because 1980.

00:53:55.000 So this was then before I was in high school, son.

00:53:59.000 This is before I was in high school.

00:54:01.000 You had a song about blowjobs.

00:54:03.000 Morning, noon, and night, I'll give you a head.

00:54:03.000 Yeah.

00:54:05.000 Yep.

00:54:06.000 Till you burn it up, head, do you love his red head, love you till you're dead.

00:54:11.000 Ow.

00:54:12.000 You know, Prince people Prince people reached out to R R people one night and asked if they could come to the show when he was at the Rio.

00:54:18.000 Whoa.

00:54:19.000 And we said, Well, fuck yeah.

00:54:21.000 What do you mean?

00:54:22.000 Of course we would.

00:54:22.000 And then they said there's only one one caveat.

00:54:24.000 I said, What is that?

00:54:25.000 You can't curse.

00:54:27.000 Prince hates cursing.

00:54:29.000 For real.

00:54:29.000 Yeah.

00:54:30.000 For real.

00:54:30.000 Well, yeah.

00:54:31.000 Maybe we just wanted to fuck with you.

00:54:33.000 How much power do I have?

00:54:34.000 Yeah, I do tell me.

00:54:35.000 Well, I don't think I want to hear swear stuff.

00:54:40.000 I would tell my my people I said, I said, hold on a second.

00:54:42.000 He's talking like I can't curse.

00:54:44.000 I said, Yeah, that's the only thing.

00:54:45.000 I said, But I his he has a song called Cream, get off.

00:54:49.000 Cream right?

00:54:50.000 Yeah.

00:54:51.000 And they're like, Yeah, I'm like, no, I'm not gonna change my whole thing.

00:54:54.000 Oh, he became a j devoted Jehovah's Witness.

00:54:57.000 And as a result, stopped.

00:54:57.000 Yeah.

00:54:59.000 Even implementing a cash swear jar at his Paisley Park studio to enforce his no-swearing policy.

00:55:05.000 Witnesses believe that using blasphemous or foul language is a sin, and Prince adhered to this tenant by removing swear words from his music and charging people for any foul language spoken at his compound.

00:55:18.000 Well I'm already down like two hundred bucks.

00:55:20.000 I'm already fine two hundred bucks today, I think.

00:55:22.000 As much as I love that guy, I would not visit him.

00:55:24.000 I would be like, I can't do that.

00:55:27.000 Well, that's what I said.

00:55:28.000 Maybe I would.

00:55:28.000 Maybe I'd visit him once.

00:55:29.000 Maybe I'd talk to him once.

00:55:30.000 I would just like like if I'm gonna go talk to a priest, I'm not gonna go swear.

00:55:33.000 You know what I mean?

00:55:34.000 Right.

00:55:35.000 I'm gonna try to be nice.

00:55:36.000 Yeah.

00:55:37.000 But like at a certain point in time, like I don't want to perpetuate this really stupid idea that different sounds that you make with your mouth are uniquely offensive.

00:55:48.000 It's what you're s you're saying.

00:55:50.000 It's supposed to be a sound that I make so you know what I'm thinking.

00:55:55.000 And if you have words that you could substitute for these thoughts that are compl if you have a thought that is only expressed through fuck you.

00:56:05.000 Right.

00:56:06.000 Like we know what fuck you means.

00:56:07.000 And everybody says fuck you.

00:56:08.000 Do you for you to say that you can't say that anymore, you're manipulating language to make it have less nuance.

00:56:16.000 That's never good.

00:56:17.000 Yeah.

00:56:18.000 Like it's already not nuanced enough.

00:56:20.000 Like it still doesn't quite grasp exactly what you're thinking or what you're saying.

00:56:26.000 And the worst case scenario of it is when someone writes down what you're saying instead of like hearing you say it in context with the conversation that you're having, right?

00:56:36.000 Right.

00:56:37.000 So it's like anybody who says don't use certain words like stop being a baby.

00:56:42.000 Stop being a baby.

00:56:43.000 These are just noises you make so that you we can understand all that shit is nonsense.

00:56:49.000 It's stupid.

00:56:50.000 It's stupid, and it was mostly created, I think.

00:56:55.000 First of all, on television, right?

00:56:57.000 Television, you had advertising.

00:56:59.000 And that was the only place where there was advertising.

00:57:01.000 And so that was the only place that had a proven audience.

00:57:04.000 But to keep that proven audience on NBC and CBS, you had to institute laws.

00:57:09.000 Right.

00:57:09.000 Where you're you literally would get fined, like a serious amount of money if you swore on TV.

00:57:15.000 And then cable came acqua along, and everybody, you know, Sam Kinison was like HBO.

00:57:20.000 Like and you're like, what this is way better.

00:57:20.000 Right.

00:57:22.000 Like, why can't we just talk?

00:57:23.000 But again, this is cave people.

00:57:23.000 Right.

00:57:25.000 Kinison on HPA was 86.

00:57:25.000 Right, right.

00:57:28.000 Right.

00:57:28.000 No one knew what the fuck was going on, dude.

00:57:31.000 No one knew what the fuck was going on back then.

00:57:33.000 Prior.

00:57:34.000 It was just amazing.

00:57:35.000 When I was a kid, I was at my friend Jimmy Lawless's house and we watched Eddie Murphy Delirious.

00:57:41.000 I think we were all like what year was that?

00:57:45.000 I want to say I was fifteen, maybe.

00:57:48.000 Delirious.

00:57:49.000 86.

00:57:50.000 I want to say I was like 15 or 16.

00:57:53.000 I couldn't believe how funny it was.

00:57:56.000 I was like, this is insane.

00:57:58.000 He's talking about the the the honeymooners fucking each other in the ass.

00:57:58.000 Oh no.

00:58:02.000 Oh no, it's like what?

00:58:03.000 Jackie Gleason is fucking Ed Norton in the ass.

00:58:07.000 I've been looking at you.

00:58:08.000 Like, this is insane.

00:58:10.000 How is this on TV?

00:58:11.000 86.

00:58:12.000 83.

00:58:13.000 83?

00:58:14.000 Yeah.

00:58:15.000 Wow.

00:58:16.000 Unbelievable.

00:58:17.000 So one of the best messages.

00:58:19.000 I think.

00:58:20.000 No, you have to write it.

00:58:21.000 It makes me like 15.

00:58:24.000 Fucking crazy.

00:58:25.000 It was so good, dude.

00:58:27.000 And it was new.

00:58:28.000 It was like all of a sudden you're seeing you're Hearing someone just swearing on TV.

00:58:32.000 Yeah.

00:58:32.000 Like this is crazy.

00:58:34.000 How am I even watching this?

00:58:35.000 Right.

00:58:36.000 That's well, what it was that was a big change in every cable.

00:58:41.000 Well, cable and then VHS tapes.

00:58:44.000 Where you can go and like you could rent Delirious.

00:58:49.000 Yeah, you go home and put it in.

00:58:51.000 You get popcorn out and watch delirix.

00:58:53.000 We were gay people.

00:58:56.000 We were cave people.

00:58:57.000 We were telling stories by the fire.

00:58:59.000 Yeah, literally.

00:59:00.000 Right.

00:59:00.000 Yeah.

00:59:01.000 And then that was our form of entertainment.

00:59:09.000 Isn't that weird?

00:59:10.000 Because I'm about your age and that we didn't have any of that.

00:59:12.000 We didn't, like you said, we didn't have an answering machine.

00:59:14.000 Yeah, we had nothing.

00:59:15.000 We had nothing.

00:59:16.000 I think we are the perfect we were the perfect people to like really understand the change the society's gone through and how spectacular that changes.

00:59:27.000 Because we we were there when there was none.

00:59:30.000 Where there was nothing.

00:59:31.000 Where walkie talkies were crazy.

00:59:34.000 That was huge.

00:59:37.000 You can talk to your friend in the bedroom.

00:59:42.000 Bro, what's going on over there?

00:59:43.000 Over.

00:59:44.000 Yeah, yeah, right.

00:59:48.000 It was the craziest thing in the world.

00:59:49.000 You could talk at a walkie-talkie.

00:59:51.000 Or I knew a dude who had a C B in his car.

00:59:54.000 He would just have random conversations with people.

00:59:56.000 Bro, they would just start talking about stuff.

00:59:59.000 Breaker one.

00:59:59.000 Yeah, breaker one nine, what you up to.

01:00:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:00:02.000 Yeah, and they would just have conversations and people would meet people.

01:00:05.000 Like you said, and the smoking the bandit.

01:00:07.000 That was that was that but that that is the about the time you're talking about too, where they were we had CBs, but they're also like the cavemen.

01:00:13.000 They were just it was it was it was But you were the cool guy if you had a C D in your truck.

01:00:18.000 If you had a C B in your truck, you were cool.

01:00:18.000 Yeah.

01:00:21.000 Yeah.

01:00:21.000 Didn't Burt Reynolds have a C B in his transams?

01:00:25.000 Yeah.

01:00:25.000 Of course he did.

01:00:26.000 Did he?

01:00:26.000 Yeah, he had to.

01:00:27.000 Yeah, he had talked to Bert.

01:00:29.000 Yeah, he did, hey, hey big nine uh what's up, Burr Boss.

01:00:31.000 We're gonna pull over here and feed the dog and ten four good buddy.

01:00:35.000 That is the ultimate cool guy.

01:00:37.000 He's got a walkie talkie in his transam with a cowboy hat on.

01:00:42.000 By the way, that's it is one of my only movies that I own on my iPod.

01:00:46.000 Bro, it is another archaeological site.

01:00:49.000 It's a dig.

01:00:50.000 They've dug down to another time of human beings where this is the coolest guy in the world.

01:00:55.000 A guy runs from the cops in a transam with a fire bird on the fucking hood.

01:01:00.000 And he's talking on a C B with a cowboy hat on.

01:01:06.000 And that was the first movie that's like Greek theater.

01:01:09.000 Fir first movie they broke the camera.

01:01:09.000 Yeah.

01:01:11.000 The third, what do you call that?

01:01:13.000 Were they looking at the Oh the third wall?

01:01:15.000 Yeah.

01:01:15.000 That was the first one.

01:01:15.000 Yeah.

01:01:17.000 Fourth wall?

01:01:17.000 Fourth wall.

01:01:18.000 Fourth wall.

01:01:19.000 It's right when he's when he first being chased.

01:01:21.000 Yeah, thank God Jim.

01:01:22.000 He's going down the he's going he's he he he loses him in the alley in the very beginning chase scene, and he's going like he's backing in like this, and he looks at the camera and he goes, It's like that was fucking awesome.

01:01:33.000 Like he just he just gave that look and went.

01:01:35.000 Oh, Bert Reynolds had so much charisma.

01:01:37.000 It's great.

01:01:38.000 He was so fucking sheriff.

01:01:39.000 I mean, god damn it, how great is that whole thing.

01:01:43.000 Give me a dabble sandwich and a Dr. Pepper maybe quick.

01:01:45.000 I'm in a goddamn hurry.

01:01:46.000 Where are you at?

01:01:47.000 Who's chasing you?

01:01:48.000 No one's chasing me.

01:01:49.000 I'm sheriff.

01:01:51.000 No one's chasing me.

01:01:54.000 You stay here and you le you think about it, but don't do it.

01:01:59.000 Yeah.

01:02:01.000 Dude, Jackie Gleason was amazing in that.

01:02:03.000 That's an attention getter.

01:02:04.000 Yeah.

01:02:05.000 He was so good at the game.

01:02:08.000 That's called an intention getter.

01:02:10.000 Do you remember um Bert Reynolds in Deliverance?

01:02:14.000 Oh, yeah, absolutely.

01:02:15.000 That was that was an insane role.

01:02:17.000 That was an insane role.

01:02:18.000 That was when you get to see him as an actual actor.

01:02:21.000 You're like, oh, this guy was good.

01:02:22.000 He was a good actor.

01:02:24.000 You know what I mean?

01:02:25.000 Like it wasn't just smoking the bandit.

01:02:27.000 Right, sure, no.

01:02:27.000 The guy having a good time, super charming, great mustache, super hair.

01:02:32.000 He was fun, man.

01:02:33.000 Like in deliverance, man.

01:02:35.000 It was like right out of him uh right when he was done playing football.

01:02:39.000 Yep.

01:02:40.000 Oh, that's right.

01:02:40.000 He kills a guy with a bow, doesn't he?

01:02:43.000 Crazy movie.

01:02:44.000 Yeah, man.

01:02:45.000 It was a good movie.

01:02:46.000 That was a good movie.

01:02:48.000 I got to meet him.

01:02:49.000 He's cool as hell.

01:02:50.000 That's a very intense.

01:02:52.000 You had a pie fight with Burt Reynolds?

01:02:54.000 No.

01:02:54.000 I was on the Tonight Show.

01:02:55.000 Bert Reynolds.

01:02:56.000 This is crazy.

01:02:56.000 Burt Reynolds was a guest was the lead guest.

01:02:58.000 He came out and talked about being married like nine times.

01:03:01.000 Mark Summers, who who hosted the um game show, whatever it was.

01:03:07.000 Mark Summers.

01:03:08.000 He came out and Bert's moves down to the second chair and and Mark's here's Jay.

01:03:14.000 And he he he puts his back to Bert and he starts telling him, you know, um being, you know, I I've only been married once and Bert's over there, you know, kind of getting a little first he's got his back to him.

01:03:29.000 Then he he takes the cup, the mug and he says he went to take it.

01:03:34.000 He says, is this mine?

01:03:35.000 He says I don't give a shit.

01:03:37.000 And he says well you've been married five times.

01:03:39.000 I don't want to say he was trying to be funny like I don't drink after you've been married five times he's kind of hurt.

01:03:44.000 They got oh here it is.

01:03:45.000 Now here's the best part I'm watching Whoa.

01:03:49.000 Oh no this is real shit.

01:03:51.000 I'm I'm a guest I'm gonna get through a drink on him.

01:03:54.000 Does this plan?

01:03:54.000 Yeah.

01:03:55.000 No.

01:03:56.000 And who's the other dude?

01:03:57.000 Mark Summers.

01:03:58.000 And who's Mark Summers?

01:03:59.000 He's the host of Double Dare Double Dare thank you.

01:04:03.000 Now watch now watch how angry Bert watch it look he's look watch him watch he's they didn't have this plan by the way Oh but he Bert hits him hard.

01:04:14.000 Yo that hurt look at the torque he got in that right hand.

01:04:21.000 I want you to watch this again he got hip into that no he was fucking at the end if you watch it he'll go well hey Caratov will be here tomorrow night let's look look at this frame by frame.

01:04:34.000 Well he's a fucking football player too look at bro bro he clocked that dude look at his face look at that freeze frame that guy should be ashamed of that look for the rest of his life how dare you how dare that right there scary if I was friends with that dude I'd be like no you're not gonna do that.

01:04:53.000 He's gonna hit he's gonna kill you.

01:04:54.000 Bro the look at the torque he got in there well I say he's a football player.

01:04:58.000 Bro that was like and I'm backstage going am I going on like no we're gonna we're gonna be we're gonna cut you actually I just told say that guy's got a great chin.

01:05:06.000 He's smiling.

01:05:07.000 Yeah he better smile.

01:05:08.000 He just got bitch laughing he took a great shot I wanna say he says we'll be right back with K no tomorrow now Karen fucking shit.

01:05:16.000 We'll be right back right after this message that was salt and pepper Jay.

01:05:23.000 Yeah.

01:05:24.000 Another guy took way too much shit.

01:05:26.000 They they gave him so so much of a hard time.

01:05:28.000 It's just like when Larry Holmes became the heavyweight champ of the world after Muhammad Ali got yeah he got a lot of grief for no reason no reason because they would put on group great shows too super nice guy.

01:05:44.000 The writing was great there is great no I always had a good time talking to him always a nice guy.

01:05:49.000 Yeah.

01:05:49.000 He's a nice guy and like what he should have been doing all along is really what he's doing now.

01:05:54.000 Is his car shows right 'cause like that guy if you talk to him about cars.

01:05:59.000 He's so entertaining.

01:06:00.000 He loves cars.

01:06:01.000 Like he loves them.

01:06:03.000 I mean he knows more about cars probably than anybody I've ever met in my life.

01:06:07.000 He's got an insane collection and he likes everything.

01:06:11.000 He likes dots he said a fire truck.

01:06:14.000 Yep yep yep he's just jet bike a genuine fan of automobiles and the way he talks about is so entertaining.

01:06:20.000 Yep no because that's really what he wants to do.

01:06:22.000 And he's also crazy right because he's he's he's um unstoppable.

01:06:28.000 So he he fell off that cliff or whatever the fuck it was right you heard about this what happened to him.

01:06:34.000 I just talked to him at in Vegas and he went and went and saw him and I said how you doing he goes you know I said you could still see like a uh you know a little bit of bruising because it was right it was about two weeks after he had he'd had the fall oh Jesus he was out and about two weeks later what do you mean he did the show that night what he fell did he get a concussion he said he uh how he says he says he's there was a you know uh golden corral next to the you know la quinta I said first thing I said to him I said are you okay?

01:07:02.000 He's I said my question what the fuck are you staying at La Quinta?

01:07:05.000 And he goes ah you know we all can't have stay the fourth eating I said no but really what what what happened?

01:07:10.000 He said he walked out of the La Quinta and he it was a little hill like not even like a He went hiking.

01:07:18.000 He went hiking with like slippery shoes on probably he said the golden crowd he's probably wearing dress shoes.

01:07:24.000 I'm gonna go right and his denim and that so he went he just it looked it was a little deeper than he thought and he slipped fell ooh and hit his eye you know right in the thing where it's bad.

01:07:34.000 So he went into the got his golden crowd.

01:07:36.000 Oh yeah Jay Lennon thinking of thing.

01:07:39.000 Went got his food, went to the club, and went on stage, bleeding.

01:07:44.000 That's so crazy.

01:07:45.000 And I said, What do you mean?

01:07:46.000 I said, What do you say what do you mean?

01:07:47.000 The show must go on.

01:07:48.000 He's a young guy.

01:07:50.000 I just I just held it, you know, the mic with the thin, the habit married guy, that married guy in the ground.

01:07:54.000 And I'm like, I uh it's just amazing to me.

01:07:57.000 He told my nail I'd cancel.

01:07:59.000 He told this insane show, uh insane story rather of a show that he have had to do with uh a priest and a mob guy where the mob guy was yelling at the priest and swearing and Jay's like yelling and swearing, uh like doing the same you know like saying what the mob guy said.

01:08:17.000 I was like seeing Jay Leno talk like that was like what?

01:08:20.000 Right.

01:08:22.000 Right, right.

01:08:25.000 Dang you know, dang dang it.

01:08:27.000 Uh what are you gonna do?

01:08:28.000 That's crazy.

01:08:29.000 Oh yeah, he was doing this like super hyper violent Italian mob guy, like screaming obscenities at this priest and Jay Leno's yelling it out.

01:08:37.000 It's a fucking amazing story.

01:08:38.000 And was it a show?

01:08:39.000 Yeah, it was a show that he was doing like you know, before he made it.

01:08:42.000 It was like back in the day.

01:08:44.000 He did some sort of a show where you know, I think it was like a benefit or something like that, where there was a priest involved and then the mob guy got mad at the priest and was yelling at him, it's a fucking hilarious story.

01:08:55.000 But that guy doesn't spend any of his tonight show money.

01:08:59.000 Yeah.

01:08:59.000 He lives all entirely off of standup money.

01:09:02.000 Which is crazy.

01:09:04.000 So he's just stockpiling it all at the La Quinta Inn.

01:09:04.000 Right.

01:09:07.000 La quinta, that's right.

01:09:09.000 Like someone needs to tell him.

01:09:11.000 Like you money's fun coupons.

01:09:14.000 You shouldn't be just squirreling and fun with them.

01:09:16.000 Have fun with them.

01:09:17.000 But people that started out poor, which is like basically most comics.

01:09:20.000 Once you start making money, it's hard to believe that you're ever gonna keep making money.

01:09:24.000 You start panicking.

01:09:25.000 Yeah, they're going, Oh my god, I gotta save this.

01:09:27.000 Yeah, I gotta save it.

01:09:28.000 Yep.

01:09:29.000 And then if you carry that into your seventies and eighties, somebody should sit you down and have a talk with you.

01:09:33.000 Like, yeah.

01:09:34.000 I'm your financial advisor, and now's the time to go crazy.

01:09:36.000 Yeah, you're you're good.

01:09:38.000 You should be looking into cocaine, you should be probably buy more cars.

01:09:43.000 Like, let's spend something.

01:09:46.000 I think you should start spending shit.

01:09:47.000 As your advisor, get you in a drug habit, let's get you in a nice car.

01:09:51.000 Yeah.

01:09:52.000 Let's do something.

01:09:53.000 You need to start buying stuff.

01:09:55.000 You should uh you should have way more cars.

01:09:58.000 You're right.

01:09:58.000 That's great.

01:09:59.000 What are you saving up for, bro?

01:10:01.000 This is the end times.

01:10:03.000 Yeah.

01:10:03.000 This is that.

01:10:04.000 Yeah.

01:10:06.000 I don't know.

01:10:07.000 Family, uh you know that.

01:10:08.000 It's like I know a lot of people that have a lot of kids and a lot of that you save up for them, but even them, like giving kids a ton of money.

01:10:16.000 Giving kids a ton of money is not necessarily good for them.

01:10:16.000 Yeah.

01:10:20.000 Like if you look historically at people that got trust funds, it's it's a weird road to go down and not have any ambition or not have to have any ambition.

01:10:20.000 No.

01:10:31.000 Maybe you do have it like inherently, but for a lot of them, it's like they don't have to make it.

01:10:36.000 They don't have and I think that's unfortunately in this society that we live in, that doesn't seem to work.

01:10:43.000 Like in this society, it's very difficult to not be self-sustainable, not be able to take care of yourself.

01:10:50.000 And if you can't take care of yourself, you gotta kind of learn how to do it.

01:10:54.000 You can't just be constantly relying on other people because I think it hinders your growth as a person.

01:10:59.000 Well, absolutely.

01:11:00.000 You know what I mean?

01:11:01.000 I think it like fucks with you.

01:11:03.000 Like every guy that I've ever met that comes from a family that like gives them t not every guy, but a lot of guys that I've met that come I've met some cool ones.

01:11:12.000 They come from a family with a lot of money and they've never had to worry, and they have trust funds, and they never really have found out a job.

01:11:16.000 They're all weird.

01:11:18.000 They're all weird.

01:11:18.000 Yep.

01:11:19.000 It's like cement that didn't get the amount of water that it needs when you're mixing it.

01:11:24.000 It's always like weird.

01:11:26.000 Yeah.

01:11:27.000 It seems like a weird I know too.

01:11:29.000 Every comic or artist, whatever, everyone uh they're all their stories are the same that they came from nothing, and that's in if you think about it.

01:11:36.000 Almost every comic and artist I know, they they weren't they didn't have money, but nothing.

01:11:40.000 Yeah, but it's not mutually exclusive.

01:11:43.000 No, no, right.

01:11:44.000 It's not there are people that have come from great families and great backgrounds that just happen to be funny.

01:11:44.000 Right.

01:11:51.000 Right.

01:11:51.000 It's a weird thing, man.

01:11:52.000 Like talent is an odd thing.

01:11:54.000 Really is a very weird thing.

01:11:56.000 Like there's certain universal truths, like you're gonna find more talent probably in in harder communities, like you're gonna have better rock and roll in like the the dingy fucking outskirts of town, like those guys are gonna be nirvana, right?

01:12:12.000 But I love hearing like a Billy Joel story where where you can relate to it.

01:12:17.000 Like, you know, I started cutting lawns at eight years old.

01:12:19.000 I'm like, I said I started cutting lawns at eight years old.

01:12:22.000 You know, I literally and you know nowadays no kids kids don't do anything.

01:12:27.000 And I'm like, yeah, I did that.

01:12:28.000 I I I Billy Joel is office buildings and I did everything, you know.

01:12:35.000 He was a boxer?

01:12:36.000 Yeah, Billy Joel was a boxer.

01:12:37.000 Yeah.

01:12:38.000 I did not know that shit.

01:12:39.000 I don't know how many fights that he had.

01:12:41.000 I think he lost.

01:12:42.000 Billy Joel's a boxer.

01:12:42.000 Are you being funny?

01:12:42.000 Really?

01:12:44.000 Billy Joe was a boxer.

01:12:45.000 I did not know that.

01:12:46.000 Yeah, I think he was good.

01:12:47.000 I think it was pretty good.

01:12:48.000 I mean, I I think it was a good amateur level.

01:12:50.000 Twenty two and two.

01:12:51.000 Twenty-two and two.

01:12:52.000 Gosh, how I didn't know that.

01:12:52.000 Really?

01:12:53.000 Was that professional?

01:12:54.000 Golden Loves.

01:12:55.000 Golden Gloves.

01:12:56.000 So amateur level.

01:12:56.000 So I didn't know that.

01:12:58.000 Legit boxer.

01:12:58.000 Yeah.

01:13:00.000 I just know that he was bro.

01:13:01.000 Ah, did not know that.

01:13:02.000 No.

01:13:03.000 He's a guy whose music changed radically.

01:13:05.000 Like if you go back and listen to Captain Jack.

01:13:08.000 It like from Captain Jack to Uptown Girls.

01:13:08.000 Yep.

01:13:11.000 Like, oh.

01:13:14.000 It's like you like it's great music.

01:13:16.000 It was a huge hit, but it's a different vibe.

01:13:18.000 It's like a guy who's in love now and he's got a supermodel for a wife and he's worth a billion dollars.

01:13:22.000 Oh, right, yeah.

01:13:23.000 Yeah.

01:13:24.000 Captain Jack was his gritty low island.

01:13:28.000 It's like, fuck, that's a good song.

01:13:29.000 That's a great great song.

01:13:30.000 But you're you're right.

01:13:31.000 You can see it, you know, how their their life changes and their music changes.

01:13:35.000 So like you said, now he's got a you know, up down girl.

01:13:39.000 Got money, I got a heard the song Billy the Kid.

01:13:44.000 Uh yeah.

01:13:45.000 He's got he's got some great fucking songs.

01:13:49.000 Well, the one that that was special I just saw was uh was it wasn't it Billy the Kid?

01:13:53.000 Is that the the name of that song?

01:13:57.000 It's a great listen to the show was the entertainer.

01:14:00.000 I thought that was interesting because it was ripping on it was ripping on show business.

01:14:06.000 Yeah, the battle of Billy Kid.

01:14:07.000 That is a great fucking song.

01:14:11.000 My parents had that album on vinyl when I was a kid.

01:14:14.000 I listened to what year was that?

01:14:15.000 73.

01:14:16.000 73, son.

01:14:18.000 I listened to that and I was like, I like this is again, this is an archaeological dig, you know?

01:14:23.000 Like going to like the the beginnings of certain genres of music and certain kinds of music.

01:14:29.000 And back then, that's how you got it.

01:14:31.000 You heard it on the radio, and you went out and bought an album.

01:14:35.000 Yeah, and looked at it and the needle goes over the thing.

01:14:40.000 Yeah.

01:14:41.000 Yeah, weird.

01:14:42.000 But the entertainment one was interesting because he they the the record label had asked him to come up with a a hit.

01:14:49.000 Uh-huh.

01:14:50.000 Oh, that's why he wrote it that way.

01:14:53.000 No, I don't know.

01:14:54.000 They just it was just on a I just watched, I remember exactly how it went down, but he said, Yeah, you know, they were they were saying they're gonna they're gonna they need to hit off this album and to make this big hit.

01:15:04.000 So he he wrote that, and when they he played it to them, they're like fuck you, we're getting rid of you.

01:15:10.000 So they they got rid of him when the label dropped him because he's it's all about that.

01:15:16.000 So they get the money, then they take all your money and and where they don't care about you and f and I'm like, that's ballsy, right?

01:15:22.000 They want to hit and you basically say how much, you know, like the Luxers, it's 20 years.

01:15:27.000 Could you do something special for me?

01:15:28.000 And I have this big roast and how horrible the Luxor is and how much they you know it just shit.

01:15:33.000 They're like, what?

01:15:34.000 That is a real album, like a real song, and they were like, no, you're done.

01:15:38.000 They should have just took it on the chin.

01:15:40.000 Look, the guy became huge after that stupid.

01:15:42.000 Yeah, we'll see.

01:15:43.000 You fucking dumbasses.

01:15:44.000 You got rid of him.

01:15:45.000 Now they say that.

01:15:46.000 You got rid of him.

01:15:47.000 He sold a billion albums.

01:15:48.000 Now the dance.

01:15:49.000 Yeah, he's got some great fuck the just the piano man, the piano man.

01:15:53.000 Alone great for that.

01:15:54.000 That one song alone is right.

01:15:55.000 Oh, uh how about scenes from an Italian restaurant?

01:15:58.000 Oh my god.

01:15:58.000 All right.

01:15:59.000 That is a fantastic song.

01:15:59.000 Right.

01:16:00.000 And it's another, it's a story.

01:16:02.000 It's a story of people's lives.

01:16:04.000 You know, and it's it's a relatable.

01:16:06.000 It's like it's real, it's raw.

01:16:09.000 It's and again, it's a like a window into it.

01:16:13.000 No, and I was used to make a joke about that in my show.

01:16:15.000 It's a bottle of red.

01:16:17.000 And it says bottles of white.

01:16:19.000 So apparently he didn't like red as much as whites.

01:16:21.000 He has plural in the He said, bottle of red.

01:16:24.000 Bottles of White.

01:16:26.000 Does he say that?

01:16:26.000 Yeah.

01:16:26.000 And I'm like, oh, he he must have had he liked more white wine than red.

01:16:30.000 That's how I've pick up shit like that.

01:16:31.000 Are you sure that's the lyrics or did you just say that?

01:16:33.000 No, I think I think it's the show.

01:16:35.000 No.

01:16:35.000 No, I think it says bottle of red.

01:16:38.000 Bottles of white.

01:16:38.000 You can now you gotta look it up.

01:16:40.000 I thought he said a bottle of white.

01:16:42.000 Whatever kind of mood you're into.

01:16:44.000 I don't know.

01:16:44.000 I thought it meet you any time you want.

01:16:44.000 Oh, fuck.

01:16:48.000 Maybe I I could be wrong.

01:16:49.000 Fuck it.

01:16:50.000 No, that is a great fucking song.

01:16:51.000 That's a great song.

01:16:52.000 Bottle of red.

01:16:53.000 It's just bottle of whites.

01:16:57.000 You're right.

01:16:58.000 A bottle of whites.

01:16:59.000 Interesting.

01:17:00.000 I knew it was a big thing.

01:17:00.000 See?

01:17:01.000 But it's still a bottle.

01:17:02.000 It's a bottles of white.

01:17:03.000 So that's a weird way to write.

01:17:03.000 Right.

01:17:05.000 I a bottle of whites.

01:17:06.000 It could be a wine, so it could be multiple kinds of white wine in one bottle.

01:17:10.000 What did Jamie get in text with a lot of sort of serve that shit?

01:17:13.000 I mean what I'm trying to say.

01:17:14.000 So blend with that would be a bottle of whites.

01:17:16.000 So I was onto something there, right?

01:17:20.000 Isn't that funny that some people don't like their grapes mixed?

01:17:23.000 Don't you dare serve me a blend.

01:17:26.000 Some people don't want to blend.

01:17:28.000 Is that a blend of a cabernet Merlot, you fucking eye?

01:17:32.000 That served me a goddamn blend.

01:17:35.000 I don't want to blend.

01:17:38.000 How weird are people.

01:17:39.000 I'm gonna give you a little bit of this bird and a little bit of that bird, okay?

01:17:42.000 Fuck off.

01:17:43.000 It's a blend.

01:17:43.000 People that like it super down with wine.

01:17:46.000 Oh, yeah.

01:17:46.000 I got a m I got a buddy who's a wine a lit like a legit wine connoisseur.

01:17:50.000 Oh, is that my buddy Matt?

01:17:51.000 So I I I could call him up out of nowhere.

01:17:53.000 Like I'd be at a restaurant and I'd send him a picture of the wine list.

01:17:56.000 Tell me what to get.

01:17:58.000 And he'd like look at it for like three seconds.

01:18:00.000 This is great.

01:18:01.000 What do you guys eating?

01:18:02.000 Steak bread.

01:18:03.000 And he would tell you how to do it.

01:18:04.000 But um he got scammed.

01:18:07.000 Well, he didn't get scammed.

01:18:09.000 But there was a guy that he was friends with that was a gigantic scammer.

01:18:13.000 And uh I don't think this guy ever got him.

01:18:15.000 But what this guy was doing was they were all these wine connoisseurs, and this guy was selling really rare wine that was counterfeit.

01:18:24.000 It was fake.

01:18:25.000 So he had infiltrated this thing, this like wine group, and he was a con man.

01:18:31.000 And what he was doing was taking a bunch of different wines and mixing them and then trying to sell it as this like 1970 impossible bottle from Bordeaux.

01:18:42.000 Right.

01:18:42.000 Like and so he would age the paper on the bottles and shit, and like and they raided his house, they found empty bottles everywhere, and he was taking labels off of things and copying them and printing them and I have that with uh lube.

01:18:58.000 You gotta get the real stuff.

01:18:59.000 You gotta get it from Portugal.

01:18:59.000 It's hard.

01:19:01.000 Jesus Christ.

01:19:02.000 But this uh this documentally highlighted in my eyes, at least for some of those people, that it's kind of bullshit.

01:19:09.000 Like all this you you think you know the difference between really good old wine.

01:19:14.000 But this guy just tricked you.

01:19:16.000 And he tricked a lot of them.

01:19:16.000 Yeah.

01:19:17.000 A couple guys he didn't trick.

01:19:18.000 There was one guy in particular.

01:19:22.000 Yeah, one guy was like, This is trash.

01:19:24.000 But the other guy was just raving about it, and all of a sudden his opinion you questioned, like what?

01:19:28.000 I just thought this was great.

01:19:29.000 I thought it was crazy.

01:19:30.000 Like, no, that's just terrible.

01:19:31.000 Uh he's a scuff piss.

01:19:34.000 Like it was weird.

01:19:35.000 That's crazy.

01:19:36.000 But what was the wine movie that I the that uh uh uh what was the with the wine?

01:19:40.000 Well, this was a wine documentary because it's a big one.

01:19:41.000 No, no, I'm trying to think of the guy who said no more fucking Merlot.

01:19:44.000 What was he?

01:19:44.000 Oh yeah, it was that one.

01:19:46.000 What was that?

01:19:47.000 Sideways.

01:19:47.000 That's right.

01:19:48.000 That's right.

01:19:49.000 That guy came to my drinking fucking Merlot.

01:19:51.000 That guy came to my show.

01:19:52.000 Um he's a brilliantly nice sweet guy.

01:19:55.000 Oh, that's awesome.

01:19:56.000 Oh great guy.

01:19:57.000 Just like in the movie.

01:19:58.000 He's just so nice.

01:19:59.000 And he came with uh um Kieran Colkin, uh Macaulay Kulkin's brother.

01:20:05.000 He's great in great.

01:20:07.000 They they were filming a Audi commercial or something.

01:20:10.000 What's that guy's name again?

01:20:11.000 Uh um, Paul Giamatti.

01:20:14.000 Paul Giamatti.

01:20:15.000 You come back.

01:20:16.000 He's amazing in everything.

01:20:17.000 I said, could would you could you would you would no I could they want to drink and want a drink?

01:20:22.000 And they're like, Yeah, I'll take whatever you got.

01:20:23.000 I said we have a whole bar.

01:20:24.000 I said, You want to I said, You want to go to Merlot?

01:20:27.000 I'm gonna have a Merlot.

01:20:28.000 And just his face, he was so funny.

01:20:30.000 He's like I just said it, but I didn't say it like I was trying to be funny.

01:20:34.000 I said, We have this, we have we have Malow.

01:20:36.000 And he's like, uh I said, Oh, I'm just fucking he said no.

01:20:40.000 And then so we did a video together.

01:20:41.000 I said, trying to think if I find somebody I could find a share Melow with it kept hands over to him.

01:20:46.000 He's like, not in fucking hell.

01:20:49.000 It was just it was such a great he's such a great guy.

01:20:51.000 They say he was great in that Howard Stern movie.

01:20:54.000 He was, wasn't he?

01:20:55.000 Yeah, private parts.

01:20:56.000 I mean NBC.

01:20:57.000 Yeah.

01:21:00.000 Yeah, he was really good in that.

01:21:02.000 I'm saying it, WNBC.

01:21:03.000 No, NBC.

01:21:05.000 Yeah, he's a good good guy on top of that.

01:21:05.000 Yeah.

01:21:08.000 Great guy.

01:21:08.000 Merlot.

01:21:10.000 Merlot got a bad name after that movie.

01:21:12.000 If I was in the Merlot business, I would have been furious.

01:21:14.000 Yes, no doubt.

01:21:15.000 These motherfuckers, they're downplaying Merlot.

01:21:18.000 I always like Merlot, and then all of a sudden I had a shady opinion of it.

01:21:21.000 Well they did that with me on South Park, you know.

01:21:23.000 It said that I was junk.

01:21:24.000 I'm like, fuck.

01:21:25.000 Did they know in a roundabout way, you know?

01:21:28.000 South Park.

01:21:29.000 They were do they everyone's parodied me and it's always been something stupid.

01:21:33.000 it's just amazing how long it's an Indian casino and it said like carrot scalp you know tonight playing at the showroom Who says that?

01:21:40.000 It's like it was in like Simpsons or Family Guy.

01:21:44.000 Just for jokes.

01:21:46.000 South Park has been around longer than anything ever that's still good.

01:21:50.000 Like, how do they do it?

01:21:50.000 Yeah.

01:21:52.000 I don't know.

01:21:53.000 Brilliant.

01:21:54.000 I it's just weird that they're still so on top of it.

01:21:58.000 It's it's they're so driven to like still push the boundaries and make it really funny.

01:22:04.000 And it's been going on since how many years.

01:22:07.000 Like the first video, I think, was ninety-five or ninety-six or something like that.

01:22:10.000 The one that they were passing around, the VHS one with Brian Boitano.

01:22:14.000 Yeah.

01:22:15.000 What year was that?

01:22:16.000 Uh I think it was ninety five or ninety five or ninety-six.

01:22:22.000 Because I remember people on news radio were passing it around.

01:22:26.000 And we were like, what the fuck is this?

01:22:29.000 This is crazy.

01:22:30.000 95.

01:22:31.000 95.

01:22:32.000 Everybody was passing around.

01:22:32.000 Yeah.

01:22:34.000 We're like, this is insanity.

01:22:35.000 This is so insane.

01:22:37.000 And it I don't think it had a home yet.

01:22:39.000 I don't think it was on Comedy Central yet.

01:22:41.000 The first one they made was in 92.

01:22:42.000 Whoa.

01:22:44.000 Which one was that?

01:22:45.000 Which one was that?

01:22:46.000 Trying to see which it says.

01:22:47.000 Which is the Brian Boitano?

01:22:48.000 Which would Brian Boitano do?

01:22:50.000 Oh, that wasn't an episode.

01:22:51.000 That's what we ever say.

01:22:53.000 We'd be walking around the news radio set going, What would Brian Boitano do?

01:22:59.000 And it's fucking Jesus there.

01:23:02.000 And it's just it's so ridiculous.

01:23:05.000 That was actually in their first movie in 99.

01:23:08.000 Which that came quick.

01:23:09.000 The Brian Boitano thing was?

01:23:11.000 Yeah, that was in the movie.

01:23:12.000 South Park Bigger, Longer, Uncut.

01:23:14.000 Mm-hmm.

01:23:14.000 Really?

01:23:15.000 So what was the 95 one or the 94 one?

01:23:18.000 Uh so they made fun of Brian Boitano in The Spirit of Christmas.

01:23:24.000 So that came out in 99.

01:23:26.000 So I could I wasn't that was like the last year of news radio.

01:23:30.000 I don't even know if I have a false memory now.

01:23:34.000 Huh.

01:23:35.000 What um that was the one that was Jesus for Santa fighting?

01:23:39.000 That's the night.

01:23:40.000 That's the first one.

01:23:41.000 Yeah.

01:23:42.000 There's no Brian Boitano in that one.

01:23:44.000 He says what would Brian Boitano do in that, but that's not the song, is it until later.

01:23:49.000 Oh, right.

01:23:50.000 But that's what when he says it's okay.

01:23:53.000 I thought it was going crazy.

01:23:54.000 I thought I had a fake memory.

01:23:56.000 Stan Marsh says to Cartman, what would Brian Boitano do as Jesus battles Santa?

01:24:00.000 Okay.

01:24:00.000 That's right.

01:24:01.000 You had you thought you had me thinking I was crazy.

01:24:03.000 Oh the song was way bigger than Right.

01:24:06.000 But the show went where he says it, it was on the show.

01:24:09.000 So that was the verse.

01:24:10.000 I was like, am I losing my fucking mind?

01:24:12.000 Like, no, I know it was on the first one.

01:24:15.000 But it was just so uh groundbreaking.

01:24:17.000 And what and the brilliance of it was that you don't have to have it look realistic.

01:24:22.000 So you can get away with so much more.

01:24:23.000 Like when when he stuffs uh what's her face up his ass?

01:24:27.000 Who did he uh Pariselton?

01:24:29.000 Paris, not right when he had a slut off and stuffs Paris Hilton up his ass.

01:24:33.000 It's like you can do that if it doesn't look real.

01:24:35.000 Right.

01:24:36.000 Like if it's like super realistic and 3D, you can't do that.

01:24:39.000 It has to look like South Park.

01:24:41.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:24:42.000 They can get away with so much.

01:24:43.000 They can kill kids.

01:24:44.000 They kill Kenny every week.

01:24:45.000 No one complains.

01:24:47.000 Yep.

01:24:48.000 Poor fucker dies every week.

01:24:50.000 It's like imagine if this is like a graphic 3D video, you know, that looks hyper realistic.

01:24:59.000 You can do it.

01:25:00.000 It has to look like complete nonsense, and then we'll let you get away with almost anything.

01:25:04.000 That's probably how they how they sold it that way.

01:25:06.000 Well, if you think about it.

01:25:08.000 There's like levels of r realism that what will will allow you to get away with more if it's like less realistic, right?

01:25:17.000 Right.

01:25:18.000 Like that's why we used to allow like Roadrunner.

01:25:21.000 Like and you know, Wily Coyote and Roadrunner would like drop dynamite on him.

01:25:26.000 Right.

01:25:27.000 Shit was always happening.

01:25:28.000 He was always getting fucked up.

01:25:30.000 that was okay because it was cartoons.

01:25:33.000 Right.

01:25:33.000 But you couldn't have blood.

01:25:33.000 Right.

01:25:36.000 Like blood all over the place.

01:25:38.000 But if you make them look so goofy that they're their head's just a big circle.

01:25:41.000 Right.

01:25:42.000 And they have like a little stick on.

01:25:43.000 Then you get blood all over the place and nobody complains.

01:25:45.000 Exactly.

01:25:46.000 Weird, right?

01:25:47.000 It's kind of weird.

01:25:48.000 It's like the less realistic, but we know what it is.

01:25:51.000 They killed a kid.

01:25:52.000 We're like, well, you kill a kenny, you bastards.

01:25:55.000 And no one has a problem with it.

01:25:57.000 Which is because it's unrealistic.

01:25:59.000 It's kind of weird, right?

01:26:00.000 I think it's exactly how you put it.

01:26:02.000 It's kind of like unrealistic.

01:26:03.000 It's a perfect cheat code.

01:26:05.000 It makes it everything more funny because you never feel guilty laughing.

01:26:09.000 No matter what.

01:26:10.000 When Cartman was in bed with Saddam Hussein, or when Satan rather was in bed.

01:26:15.000 There's just so many scenes where you're like, there's no way to do this unless you have cartoons.

01:26:19.000 It's brilliant.

01:26:20.000 Because you you wouldn't never be able to get away with it.

01:26:23.000 No.

01:26:23.000 Like the one when they skirted around drawing Mohammed.

01:26:27.000 They kind of skirted around.

01:26:28.000 They never drew him.

01:26:30.000 There was this like oh, there's a truck and he's inside the truck in a bear suit.

01:26:36.000 You can do things in cartoons that you just can't do in any other realm.

01:26:40.000 It's per it's a perfect medium for comedy.

01:26:42.000 And you can keep the kids young forever.

01:26:44.000 Right.

01:26:45.000 You know, they're always going to be in high school.

01:26:46.000 Like nobody questions the fact they've been in high school for 40 years.

01:26:49.000 Right.

01:26:49.000 No.

01:26:50.000 It's just they're in high school.

01:26:51.000 That's how it goes.

01:26:54.000 They don't have to grow up.

01:26:54.000 That's true.

01:26:56.000 Shut the fuck up.

01:26:56.000 Why are they gonna why do they have to grow up?

01:26:59.000 See if they made no what if they did make a cartoon where they aged.

01:27:02.000 Ugh.

01:27:03.000 God damn it.

01:27:04.000 No, but you want to see him where they always look good.

01:27:06.000 It'll be sad.

01:27:07.000 That would be a fucking loser in a trailer park.

01:27:09.000 It's fun when he's the way he is now and he's like a little kid.

01:27:14.000 It's fun.

01:27:15.000 I like throwing hissy fits.

01:27:17.000 It's fun.

01:27:17.000 Because he's still a little kid.

01:27:19.000 You know?

01:27:20.000 There's certain people you don't want to see them when they get full grown.

01:27:23.000 Or when they're over the other side of it.

01:27:26.000 When things the wheels start falling off.

01:27:26.000 Right.

01:27:28.000 Yeah.

01:27:28.000 You know.

01:27:29.000 That's what I mean, though, for the special their end episode, they should do it.

01:27:34.000 Yes.

01:27:35.000 When it's all done, this is the final.

01:27:36.000 They're all aged and they didn't have the voice quite still.

01:27:40.000 What they should do is do a 3D uh like like hyper-realistic version of the show.

01:27:45.000 Like just do it all through AI for the last episode and just have it the most violent, most ridiculous.

01:27:53.000 And see how people deal with it, like, bro, this is exactly what we've been showing you for 40 years.

01:27:59.000 That will be uh it.

01:28:01.000 They wouldn't be allowed to.

01:28:02.000 Uh coffee?

01:28:03.000 Yeah, have some daddy.

01:28:06.000 Thank you.

01:28:10.000 Sure, sir.

01:28:11.000 All right, cheers to you.

01:28:12.000 Uh bum bum.

01:28:13.000 Thank you for having me.

01:28:14.000 My pleasure.

01:28:15.000 I'm looking forward to seeing you on Tiltoni too.

01:28:17.000 That's gonna be really fun.

01:28:18.000 Yeah, that's fun.

01:28:19.000 I you know, last time I done I last time I did it once.

01:28:22.000 Um Did you do it at the club or did you do it at a big place?

01:28:25.000 At the club.

01:28:25.000 At the club?

01:28:26.000 Nice.

01:28:27.000 It was fun and it was loud and intimate and and the it was just you know, I I told him before I did, I said, I'm not into critiquing uh people because I've been shit on my whole career.

01:28:27.000 Yeah.

01:28:39.000 I don't want to I don't want to tell these comments what they're doing right or wrong.

01:28:42.000 Coming from me, I really he said no, no, no, that's not how it works.

01:28:45.000 You just play, you just be you, just be yourself.

01:28:47.000 And it was great.

01:28:48.000 Because I could just that I thought was kind of wrong or off, I could say it in a you know very nice way.

01:28:57.000 But most of them were they're good.

01:28:59.000 This guy's come out and they got their minutes, they pop them out.

01:29:01.000 You know, of course you'd see a couple, right?

01:29:03.000 You know, the first ten seconds in, you're like, okay.

01:29:07.000 It's already not funny, you know, whether or they're just so nervous, they're just you can see the mic shaking, you know.

01:29:13.000 Um would have really quality written jokes.

01:29:17.000 Oh, yeah, there's a lot of fun.

01:29:20.000 And there's also because of Kill Tony, people realize that if they can put together a minute, it can change their whole fucking life.

01:29:27.000 Yeah.

01:29:28.000 Your whole fucking life.

01:29:29.000 Look at Cam Patterson just got on Saturday Night Live.

01:29:32.000 Yeah.

01:29:33.000 I mean, look at these guys.

01:29:34.000 They're killing William Montgomery's killing it, uh you know.

01:29:38.000 There was a couple there out that night that they were really good.

01:29:41.000 Yeah.

01:29:42.000 And I think Tony tapped me onto the chair at one point, it's next guy, you know.

01:29:46.000 He came out and I was like, holy shit, he was solid.

01:29:49.000 Yeah.

01:29:50.000 Ari Maddie's killing it.

01:29:52.000 There's a lot of these guys that do that show.

01:29:54.000 They do one minute and then they go, we'd love to have you back.

01:29:57.000 And then they come back, they do another minute, the crowd remembers them from the old show.

01:30:00.000 All of a sudden they have like 25,000 Instagram followers, then it's a hundred, and then it's 150, like this things start rolling.

01:30:06.000 It's like, oh, you have a real pathway.

01:30:09.000 If you work hard, if you really fucking focus and really just really dial it in, really work on your material, really working, do as many sets around town as you can.

01:30:20.000 You might be able to do this for a living.

01:30:22.000 And if you can, it's the greatest fucking job in the world.

01:30:26.000 So there's already a couple that I've been watching.

01:30:27.000 They are they're there's more now than ever before.

01:30:30.000 It used to be it was like there was a bunch of like bad people, and every now and then someone would come on with promise.

01:30:35.000 Now it seems to me to be more slanted towards people that are good.

01:30:39.000 It's like a s a high level uh or high percentage rather of people that are.

01:30:39.000 Yeah.

01:30:43.000 Then I thought I was there.

01:30:43.000 They were really good.

01:30:44.000 Yeah.

01:30:45.000 A lot of them are really good.

01:30:46.000 And it's again, it there's a pathway.

01:30:48.000 And there was one that came out and I said uh and I think it was it was kind of funny how he he the microphone was up high because the guy before him was like six five or something.

01:30:59.000 This guy comes out, he's like four feet.

01:31:02.000 So it's already funny, because they'd bring him out, and he he goes to grab the mic and he just he takes it and puts it behind him and takes the mic and goes into his bed.

01:31:12.000 And I'm like So it got all done, he said, um I said that was great.

01:31:18.000 I said the only thing I would have done in the beginning, you already had a laugh.

01:31:22.000 The microphone was, you know, so f reference it, at least reference it.

01:31:27.000 Don't you know to do a thing.

01:31:28.000 He said he goes, Yeah, well that that'd be a prop.

01:31:31.000 And I said, No, it's already a fucking prop.

01:31:34.000 It's not you didn't bring it, he didn't make it, it's there.

01:31:36.000 It's a prop that's usable.

01:31:37.000 I mean, every comic uses it for the you know, everything from a guitar to short for sh change on the beach, every comic is done there.

01:31:45.000 Everybody.

01:31:46.000 So I said, No, no, no, you don't have to make a prop joke.

01:31:48.000 I said, just reference it.

01:31:50.000 You should at least reference to like this is already not going well.

01:31:54.000 Something.

01:31:55.000 And cause the crowd was waiting for something, and he didn't do it, and then after the show he said, I'm gonna use that.

01:32:02.000 I said, Well, you have to follow a tall guy every time for it to work.

01:32:02.000 That's good.

01:32:05.000 Yeah, don't they set the microphone really high from my first time?

01:32:10.000 That's what I said.

01:32:10.000 Yeah.

01:32:11.000 It only worked because it was improv it it happened.

01:32:13.000 Right.

01:32:14.000 And then he goes, and I told him that.

01:32:15.000 I said, You don't don't do it unless it happens.

01:32:17.000 You don't want to just have it set that way, right?

01:32:19.000 And it's dumb.

01:32:20.000 Well, I think for some people they don't know how to start, you know, and they're doing something like that, and it's the the Well, the starting is hard for everyone.

01:32:26.000 It's not just that, it's like this overwhelming anxiety.

01:32:29.000 You have one minute and you can't believe you're on a stage in front of this all like a lot of them, it's their first show.

01:32:34.000 Some of them first show Madison Square Garden.

01:32:36.000 Oh, Jesus.

01:32:37.000 Yeah.

01:32:39.000 Imagine first time on stage.

01:32:40.000 No, no.

01:32:41.000 Madison Square Garden Garden and your bombing.

01:32:43.000 I didn't know that.

01:32:44.000 So they do it, they do that same format with the Madison Square Garden.

01:32:48.000 Uh-huh.

01:32:49.000 And it's a hundred percent random.

01:32:50.000 He people have tried to get people on and Tony won't do it.

01:32:54.000 He's like, No, no, no, that's not how it works.

01:32:56.000 No, what we do is we everybody just signs up and I reach into that bucket and I pull out names, and you can't rig it.

01:33:04.000 You can't rig it.

01:33:06.000 And so I knew that part of it, but I didn't know they did it in Madison Square Garden.

01:33:09.000 They do it that way everywhere.

01:33:10.000 In Massive Square.

01:33:11.000 Well, one thing they do in Massive Square Garden is they have uh like a legends bucket.

01:33:16.000 So they have a bunch of people backstage, like Jim Norton, you know, uh big Jay Oakerson, a lot of a lot of people did it when I was there.

01:33:23.000 David Tell.

01:33:24.000 And then they'll pull it out, and then David Tell come up and do a minute of stand up and everybody goes crazy.

01:33:29.000 Or do five minutes or whatever.

01:33:30.000 But he he makes it so that even if someone is terrible for the first time, it's only a minute, and then you have Shane Gillis and whoever else is next to him making fun of it for you know the next 15, 20 minutes, it's gonna be fucking hilarious.

01:33:46.000 And it's also you get to see like, oh, this is a crazy thing to do, like this this idea you're just gonna stand up in front of people and talk and hopefully it'll be entertaining.

01:33:55.000 Yeah.

01:33:56.000 Right.

01:33:57.000 And sometimes it just goes horribly wrong.

01:33:59.000 And everybody's like, boo.

01:34:01.000 You're like, ah, yeah.

01:34:03.000 Oh god.

01:34:04.000 Yeah, and that's not I was there, everyone was pretty cordial, but but I could see it going bad.

01:34:09.000 Bro, those New Yorkers don't fuck around, man.

01:34:11.000 If you start you start bombing a little bit, they smell blood.

01:34:14.000 Yeah, no.

01:34:15.000 I did I did a uh my very first time ever in New York City was at uh catch a rising star.

01:34:21.000 It was you know, old, old, old school club.

01:34:24.000 I go there and I had it was like it was pouring down rain or snowing, sleety Snow rain.

01:34:30.000 I can I remember I took my trunk in a taxi and I I I never been to New York City in a club.

01:34:36.000 And I go in, there's like eight people.

01:34:39.000 And oh fuck.

01:34:41.000 And so the guy's like, you know, what do you bring me up?

01:34:44.000 I I wheel my shit up.

01:34:46.000 I go I don't even bombing.

01:34:49.000 It's worse than bombing.

01:34:50.000 It's just like never have nothing from a laugh.

01:34:53.000 Nothing.

01:34:54.000 Really?

01:34:54.000 Yeah.

01:34:55.000 And I'm doing like my A shit, you know.

01:34:57.000 Literally.

01:34:58.000 I promise God.

01:35:00.000 I mean, I've got like, you know, the ice tray with the level, so you don't put you know, and it kills everywhere, you know.

01:35:06.000 Uh nothing.

01:35:07.000 Fucking nothing.

01:35:08.000 And I just go, all right.

01:35:09.000 Um I still I I think my opening line was I have more props in people, which I did.

01:35:13.000 So that got that got a little lap, but not even right.

01:35:16.000 So, gee, I've got more props in fucking people here.

01:35:18.000 Nothing.

01:35:19.000 I get done.

01:35:21.000 I I don't even know what to do.

01:35:22.000 I'm shaking so bad.

01:35:23.000 I and they said, just there was no comic, so I just went, all right, enjoy the next comic.

01:35:28.000 And I I put the guy to I own my own mic on a thing because I had that anyway.

01:35:33.000 I'm like just tearful walking.

01:35:35.000 I just didn't I was gonna leave the shit.

01:35:37.000 I'm gonna get out of business, right?

01:35:38.000 Am I gonna go into comedy?

01:35:40.000 This guy walks by, he goes, uh he goes, um no.

01:35:45.000 Uh leave your shit there, it's good.

01:35:48.000 And he goes up and he like you said, murders, you know, just absolutely murders.

01:35:52.000 Eight people.

01:35:53.000 It was like a stadium of people laughing.

01:35:56.000 And I'm like watching this guy, I'm like, holy fuck.

01:36:00.000 It was Dennis Leary.

01:36:01.000 Uh and he I mean leveled eight people.

01:36:06.000 I couldn't believe it.

01:36:07.000 And I walked off and he came we walked off and he said, Um, hey man, I said that was unbelievable.

01:36:14.000 He goes, No, that shit, you that fuck your shit's fucking amazing.

01:36:16.000 But the thing with the he was serious.

01:36:19.000 He said that whatever, the you know, cowboy boot with the kickstand, fuck, that's great.

01:36:23.000 Whatever it was I was doing.

01:36:24.000 And I'm like, is he like fucking with me?

01:36:27.000 Because I ate shit and he was no.

01:36:30.000 But I've never gotten to tell him that again.

01:36:33.000 If Dennis Leary watches this show, that was the most coolest thing a comic ever did to me.

01:36:37.000 Just gave me a big hug.

01:36:39.000 You were fucking great.

01:36:40.000 They that crowd sucked.

01:36:41.000 I said the crowd didn't suck, you just murdered them.

01:36:44.000 They didn't like me.

01:36:46.000 Well, you were great.

01:36:48.000 Eight people.

01:36:49.000 You're bombing in front of eight people.

01:36:50.000 Yeah, it's pretty easy to bomb in front of eight people.

01:36:52.000 It was horrible.

01:36:53.000 It happens.

01:36:54.000 That was one of the great things about the store is that you would get those eight people crowd sometimes.

01:36:58.000 The early days of the store, you could you would go up, you know, if you got like 1130 spot on a Tuesday night, you might go up in front of eight people.

01:37:05.000 That can happen.

01:37:06.000 Because you probably won't really get on at 11 30 because a bunch of people stop in and do sets.

01:37:06.000 Yeah.

01:37:10.000 So by the time you get up, it's probably like closer to one.

01:37:14.000 I've been there.

01:37:15.000 Yeah.

01:37:16.000 But those shows show you what's bullshit.

01:37:19.000 They show you there's something about a small crowd shows you what what you're saying is nonsense.

01:37:25.000 You know, like sometimes you have to like figure it out.

01:37:28.000 You have to and the brutal thing about comedy is you kind of really have to figure it out in front of people with the openness of failing, right?

01:37:35.000 Like, here's the thing.

01:37:36.000 It's like one of the things about jujitsu, when you learn jujitsu, it's really important to not be afraid to tap.

01:37:45.000 Because if you can just open your game up and not be afraid to tap and tap.

01:37:50.000 You can learn more because you you don't do it tense and you do it more playfully, and it doesn't mean as much to you when you get tapped.

01:38:00.000 It sounds totally counterintuitive.

01:38:03.000 But if you can just relax and not use your ego, not try to win every session.

01:38:08.000 Just try to figure out why you're getting caught and figure out how to avoid it.

01:38:12.000 And but but don't be worried about tapping.

01:38:15.000 Just tap.

01:38:15.000 Tap whenever you get caught, and then just let your ego deal with it and then learn and move on.

01:38:22.000 But you have to experience that.

01:38:25.000 You have to get tapped.

01:38:26.000 You have to get dominated.

01:38:27.000 Like you have to figure out like what's good and what's bad.

01:38:30.000 And I think that's the same thing.

01:38:31.000 Kind of there's a element of that in comedy too.

01:38:34.000 You gotta like possibly fail with this idea.

01:38:37.000 Yeah.

01:38:38.000 Like I'm gonna throw this out.

01:38:39.000 I have this is half cooked.

01:38:40.000 This is a ha this is a weird idea that I have.

01:38:43.000 I'm like, am I crazy?

01:38:45.000 Like, do you think is this where we're going as a society?

01:38:48.000 Is this where we're going as human beings?

01:38:50.000 And there's something there, and I'm trying to find it.

01:38:54.000 But I gotta risk not finding it.

01:38:54.000 Yeah.

01:38:57.000 That's the only way you find it.

01:38:58.000 Because there's writing on stage that you only get you there's certain lines that only come to you when you're willing to step out on stage.

01:39:08.000 But you gotta f you might fucking bomb.

01:39:11.000 You might eat shit.

01:39:12.000 You might have to transfer out of that.

01:39:14.000 Like it's like you have to it's a balancing act.

01:39:16.000 You might this bit might not work at all.

01:39:18.000 And then you might have to immediately figure out how to segue into something guaranteed so you can get them back.

01:39:23.000 Oh yeah.

01:39:23.000 I do the same, absolutely.

01:39:25.000 But I I can all my shit I think is full cooked.

01:39:28.000 I think I I'm out there that this is good.

01:39:31.000 This has been marinating for a while.

01:39:33.000 And then I'm gonna eat shit.

01:39:34.000 You're like, fuck.

01:39:34.000 Yeah.

01:39:35.000 That was a good bit.

01:39:36.000 Damn it.

01:39:37.000 For me, it's or one night it worked right, and then the next night.

01:39:39.000 I just did a joke last night.

01:39:40.000 They killed the night before.

01:39:42.000 Nothing.

01:39:42.000 Crickets.

01:39:43.000 I'm like it was the same fucking.

01:39:45.000 Do you say it the same way?

01:39:46.000 Do you record yourself?

01:39:48.000 Yeah, I never listened to it though.

01:39:49.000 Yeah, but that's the that's the thing.

01:39:51.000 I said it a little differently.

01:39:52.000 I fucked up before what I didn't realize I fucked up, and I said something wrong, and I didn't realize I said it wrong until I listened to the recording.

01:39:58.000 I'm like, oh, I couldn't because I'll fuck words up sometimes.

01:40:02.000 And just like I did I talk too much.

01:40:05.000 You know, I really do.

01:40:06.000 I talk way, way too much.

01:40:07.000 So my brain is just like on autopilot talking sometimes.

01:40:11.000 And well, I know it's different if I if I don't say it right.

01:40:15.000 I'm saying if I say it the same one night it gets a great laugh, some next night it doesn't.

01:40:18.000 I'm like, I don't I didn't do anything differently.

01:40:21.000 Yeah, but I mean that's what I'm saying is like you you you gotta listen to it.

01:40:25.000 You gotta listen to it to to really hear because there's a lot of times where you'll say something just slightly different, and that's slightly different makes all the fucking Well, but then I had one this is one last week.

01:40:35.000 It's a brand new joke.

01:40:36.000 There's a big big billboard in Vegas, and it's for the Sahara pool.

01:40:40.000 And it's got this beautiful woman on it.

01:40:42.000 It's big beautiful hot chick, and it says, Meet me at the pool.

01:40:47.000 So I put it up on the big screen.

01:40:48.000 I said, This is my favorite billboard.

01:40:50.000 Look at this.

01:40:50.000 Look at Meet Me at the Pool's hot girl.

01:40:52.000 And so then you get there and it changes to a big gay pool party with like seventy-five thousand dudes in a it's just a great picture.

01:41:00.000 So I did it last night.

01:41:02.000 Got a laugh, but not like it should have gotten more, because it's like then you get there and you're like, Ava?

01:41:08.000 Is anyone Ava, have you seen you know, she was here earlier, she's probably buried under all that cock or something.

01:41:14.000 Last night it it just killed.

01:41:16.000 I mean, almost for a minute, they're still laughing and applauding.

01:41:19.000 I'm like, I did I it didn't do anything different.

01:41:22.000 It was just the mood of that audience.

01:41:24.000 That does happen too.

01:41:25.000 Maybe it was like you were doing better before that, so you had more momentum.

01:41:28.000 Yeah, maybe.

01:41:29.000 Sometimes it's that I never I'm I'm just I don't have any momentum.

01:41:29.000 Yeah.

01:41:35.000 I've seen your show.

01:41:36.000 Your show in Luxor was really fun.

01:41:38.000 Okay.

01:41:38.000 I saw it, God, it's been it's been a few years.

01:41:40.000 I gotta check it check it out now.

01:41:42.000 But I've had a bunch of my friends come to Vegas and see your show.

01:41:45.000 It's very fun.

01:41:46.000 On Tuesdays, I do it in Spanish.

01:41:48.000 It's actually Oh, do you really speak Spanish?

01:41:50.000 How dare you, son of a bitch?

01:41:50.000 No.

01:41:54.000 They I come like, hey, it's an audio.

01:41:56.000 Uh Tom Segura, who looks totally white.

01:41:59.000 Uh speaks fluent Spanish and does stand-up in Spanish.

01:42:02.000 Yeah, so he'll do a lot of things.

01:42:03.000 I'm gonna see him.

01:42:04.000 I'm gonna see him.

01:42:05.000 How many dates did he do where he did um you're gonna do your mom's house?

01:42:09.000 Yeah.

01:42:11.000 Or two bears one K. Which one are you doing?

01:42:12.000 I'm doing with this one.

01:42:14.000 Oh, yeah, that's your mom's house.

01:42:17.000 Yeah.

01:42:18.000 They're both real fun.

01:42:19.000 Bird is Bert's bird's a great example.

01:42:21.000 Like this Bert's a great example of what we were talking about.

01:42:24.000 One time we were at the improv and Bert did this joke, this new joke.

01:42:28.000 The first set, it fucking killed.

01:42:30.000 And the second set, it didn't do nearly as well, and he was confused.

01:42:35.000 And I had seen both sets, and I said, Oh no, it's because in the first set, you said like he was at the um excuse me, he was at the supermarket.

01:42:46.000 But this is already on a special or something.

01:42:53.000 And uh he was standing there talking to his wife, he's like, God, it's so cold in here.

01:42:58.000 And she looks at him and she goes, You are so fat.

01:43:02.000 And he's like, What she goes, your dick is hanging out.

01:43:07.000 Like he didn't realize that his fly was open.

01:43:10.000 He goes raw dog everywhere.

01:43:12.000 He goes raw dog, he's got no underwear on, and his zippers undone.

01:43:15.000 It's like but the joke was the the way it was like she had said it that way.

01:43:20.000 Right.

01:43:21.000 Like, you are so fat.

01:43:22.000 Like that's because you can't see your dick.

01:43:24.000 So it's like the first show he nailed it.

01:43:27.000 He nailed the cadence.

01:43:28.000 When the second show, like something was off, and he forgot to say one part of it.

01:43:32.000 Right.

01:43:32.000 But I had remembered it from the first show.

01:43:34.000 Like it's weird.

01:43:35.000 You know, you gotta listen.

01:43:36.000 You gotta listen because you it's painful, you you hate listening to your own voice.

01:43:40.000 It's gross.

01:43:41.000 You you already know the jokes.

01:43:42.000 You're like, shut up or shut the fuck up.

01:43:45.000 I'm so tired of listening to you talk.

01:43:47.000 But you have to listen to it because if you don't, you're not gonna like you're not gonna figure out how to do it the the best way you can.

01:43:54.000 I think.

01:43:54.000 No, I think that's a great I just but there's a lot of people funnier than me that don't do it that way.

01:44:01.000 Um, you know this whole thing.

01:44:04.000 I know some guys who are really funny that don't record any of their shows and they don't write at all.

01:44:08.000 They just go up a lot and they have ideas and they work them out on stage.

01:44:13.000 And they're really, really funny.

01:44:14.000 Yeah.

01:44:15.000 I I I am kind of in that with my with more of my stand-up than the the prop shit I built.

01:44:21.000 But the stand up I kind of just I have like a little bullet point.

01:44:25.000 I don't write it out.

01:44:26.000 When you do prop stuff, like how do you even come up with ideas?

01:44:29.000 Like what do you do you do you like sit down with like a a whiteboard and go, what can we do with it?

01:44:35.000 No, I'd never have written um I've never sat down and said I'm gonna write today.

01:44:40.000 So how do the gags like come to the Um they come just like a lot of like I a lot of them happen by just uh uh in a conversation or a story or something.

01:44:49.000 Um sometimes I'll see a prop and I'll or a prop meaning not it's not a prop yet, it's just a thing.

01:44:55.000 Toilet seat.

01:44:56.000 Or I'll see a thing and I'll go, there's something funny about that.

01:45:00.000 You know.

01:45:01.000 And I think about it.

01:45:03.000 And then I go, uh there was I was at a home depot.

01:45:07.000 I mean, I made this like yesterday.

01:45:09.000 I haven't even done it yet.

01:45:10.000 I've never even tried this yet.

01:45:11.000 I'm gonna do it on Tony tonight.

01:45:13.000 I never done it ever, but I think it's funny.

01:45:15.000 Guys get drunk and they punch walls all the time, right?

01:45:19.000 Because my friend I had a friend backstage, I said, What happened to your hand?

01:45:23.000 He's like, Oh, yeah, fuck.

01:45:25.000 I said, What'd you do?

01:45:26.000 He's like, uh I punched a wall.

01:45:28.000 I said, You punched a wall?

01:45:29.000 I'm like, Who the fuck?

01:45:31.000 And I just thought I said you sh I thought this should be a a stud finder, like he hit he had a stuff I said this should be a beer with a stud finder on so you can find out for your drunk.

01:45:44.000 You fucking bitch.

01:45:45.000 And you yeah.

01:45:46.000 So I made it, so it's it looks incredible, but it's it's so it's so silly, but it's it's it will be a crowd pleaser because it's beep, beep, beep, and yeah, you fucking bitch, you wait, you uh yeah, if you have a hesitate.

01:46:00.000 You can fuck your hand up.

01:46:01.000 But so that sometimes they're that way.

01:46:02.000 Sometimes I just uh it'll come to me.

01:46:05.000 I don't know.

01:46:06.000 I had a I was watching a cartoon, I think, years ago.

01:46:10.000 There was uh there was these pap paper cups and string in the telephone and they were on a in a in a tree.

01:46:17.000 Hey Susie, and she goes, What's going on, Bobby?

01:46:20.000 And I'm watching it and I'm like this is an old version of the pup cups.

01:46:25.000 We need a new version, right?

01:46:27.000 Because that's just two cups.

01:46:28.000 So I said we have to have another cup that comes out for call waiting.

01:46:31.000 And it was like that was my free bird.

01:46:33.000 I mean, I I I did that, I came up with it was my closing bit.

01:46:36.000 You know, I I'd hold someone in the front row, uh, what's your name?

01:46:39.000 And they go, Hey.

01:46:40.000 And I said I you seem so close.

01:46:43.000 You know, the strings and she's holding it.

01:46:44.000 And I said, What's your name?

01:46:45.000 And she say your name, and I say, Hold on, I have another call.

01:46:47.000 Hello?

01:46:48.000 I gotta call you back.

01:46:49.000 I'm talking to whoever she was, Tracy.

01:46:51.000 And it would just murder, 'cause then no one would expect you know, call waiting to come out.

01:46:54.000 But it was, you know, right when call waiting came out.

01:46:56.000 So you had a second cup.

01:46:58.000 And then I had a three cups for conference calling that came out of that.

01:47:00.000 So it was like boom, boom, conference calling.

01:47:04.000 Then I'd throw it, I'd say call forwarding and I'd throw it.

01:47:07.000 And then I had a clear cup that was for caller ID.

01:47:10.000 I'd said, I know you're there, pick up, I can see you.

01:47:12.000 So it was like it was like a bam bam bam bam, you know, really good prop that turned into like a uh like a routine.

01:47:19.000 It would be funny if you tried to say those things today.

01:47:21.000 People would be like, What?

01:47:22.000 No, no, no.

01:47:23.000 That's right.

01:47:24.000 Isn't that what you're doing?

01:47:24.000 Yeah, that's a c no.

01:47:25.000 That's uh that's not that long.

01:47:26.000 That's a carrot classic, I call them ones that are like, you know.

01:47:29.000 I do the I do uh things sometimes in the show where I do care classics.

01:47:33.000 I said this is stuff for people that grew up with me in the 90s.

01:47:33.000 Yeah.

01:47:37.000 This is you'll remember some of these.

01:47:38.000 Uh-huh.

01:47:39.000 And I do like the ice tray that has a level, and it's great.

01:47:41.000 The biggest laugh comes when I go, half the crowd doesn't know what a fucking ice tray is.

01:47:45.000 I mean, that gets the biggest laugh because no one has an ice tray.

01:47:48.000 But the the thing's still funny.

01:47:49.000 They're like, oh, that's I get it's clever.

01:47:51.000 Don't people still have ice trays?

01:47:53.000 Well, if you live in a yeah, if you live in like a trailer.

01:47:56.000 No, very regular house.

01:47:58.000 Like ice train streaks.

01:47:59.000 Yeah.

01:47:59.000 Well, you put it on the case.

01:48:00.000 Well, they might well have the new ones now with the big cube ones.

01:48:03.000 Yeah, if you don't want an ice machine in your refreezer thing, you can just still relevant.

01:48:10.000 I think it's I have fucking ice trays.

01:48:12.000 I have ice trays too.

01:48:13.000 I use them sometimes, I think.

01:48:15.000 But see, when you're gonna when you go and put it back in, you gotta leave it.

01:48:18.000 Yeah.

01:48:19.000 Um but there's certain things that people just like pagers make a pager joke today.

01:48:23.000 They're like, what?

01:48:24.000 That's great.

01:48:25.000 Yeah.

01:48:26.000 Yeah, I mean, I remember when I I technological jokes, like if you think about like jokes about technology, when you date them, it's so weird.

01:48:33.000 I used to have a joke about texting.

01:48:35.000 I'm like, why are you making me read?

01:48:36.000 I'm like, call me.

01:48:37.000 You're on a phone.

01:48:38.000 It's the best way to communicate.

01:48:39.000 Yeah.

01:48:40.000 Call me.

01:48:40.000 Like, why are you making me fucking read?

01:48:42.000 This is so weird.

01:48:43.000 I'm like, it takes you four presses to get an S. That was back when they sent you a text message on a file phone.

01:48:48.000 Right, which had yeah.

01:48:49.000 On a flip phone, rather.

01:48:50.000 Yeah, well, you had to make a seven upside down and a pager.

01:48:53.000 Hello?

01:48:54.000 It was the most annoying people that would want to say.

01:48:56.000 That's so great.

01:48:56.000 Why are you making why are we doing this?

01:48:58.000 It's so dumb.

01:48:59.000 And I would just call them back.

01:49:00.000 You couldn't text Joey Diaz, he would yell at you.

01:49:02.000 It would fucking scream.

01:49:03.000 He'll text you now.

01:49:04.000 But dude, for like seven, eight years, Joey would fucking yell at you.

01:49:08.000 Joey was the last one to get a cell phone.

01:49:10.000 He had a page.

01:49:11.000 I was the last one to get a phone, too.

01:49:12.000 I didn't get one.

01:49:13.000 Joey had a pager until like the year two thousand.

01:49:17.000 That's great.

01:49:18.000 I was a little more than that.

01:49:19.000 I wasn't, I guess.

01:49:20.000 He fucking kept that page forever, man.

01:49:23.000 And you would have to you have to call his fucking pager.

01:49:27.000 He was a wild boy.

01:49:27.000 That's great.

01:49:29.000 He was fun.

01:49:30.000 He was just such a fun dude.

01:49:32.000 But he if you call if you did not call him, he would get angry.

01:49:35.000 He goes, I'm insecure.

01:49:36.000 I want to hear your fucking voice.

01:49:38.000 Why you fucking read like text messages?

01:49:41.000 Making me fucking text you like a little girl.

01:49:43.000 What are you doing?

01:49:44.000 Him and Red Band would get into it, because Red Band loves texting.

01:49:47.000 So Red Van was like one of the first guys to text.

01:49:49.000 He would text you back in the days.

01:49:51.000 You know, when you have to press it four times to get an S. And then I remember people got those those sidekicks.

01:49:51.000 Yeah.

01:49:58.000 You remember you're the coolest sidekick because it had a keyboard.

01:50:02.000 You remember that?

01:50:03.000 And some of their sidekicks got hacked.

01:50:06.000 Didn't like uh Paris Hilton again, didn't uh some cooter pictures pop up because her sidekick got hacked?

01:50:06.000 Right?

01:50:13.000 Something along those lines.

01:50:14.000 Something like that.

01:50:14.000 It was something it's probably from that.

01:50:17.000 Or something happened where people like stole their sidekicks and got something happened.

01:50:22.000 Wasn't there something about that?

01:50:24.000 some sort of a privacy concern with the sidekicks back in the day?

01:50:27.000 I mean, I don't know about...

01:50:28.000 There was a group that claimed they broke an air...

01:50:32.000 or a sidekick, yeah.

01:50:34.000 Yeah.

01:50:35.000 There's also there was like strategic releases of stuff back then, like when they would accidentally have a photographer looking at their vagina as they get out of a car.

01:50:46.000 You don't notice that photographer on his knees.

01:50:49.000 With a camera pointing.

01:50:51.000 That's so crazy.

01:50:51.000 Nobody has a camera pointing on it.

01:50:54.000 Like, come on.

01:50:54.000 Yeah.

01:50:55.000 That guy would go to jail.

01:50:56.000 That's probably illegal.

01:50:58.000 Probably.

01:50:59.000 Illegal.

01:51:00.000 And meanwhile, you all you don't have any underwear on.

01:51:02.000 That seems crazy.

01:51:03.000 Like why why do they have pictures of your pussy on the internet on purpose?

01:51:07.000 You do that on purpose?

01:51:08.000 You did.

01:51:09.000 But it's really it's smart.

01:51:10.000 Yeah.

01:51:11.000 I mean, if you want to market yourself and just get more popular, so more people know your name.

01:51:16.000 It worked.

01:51:17.000 Right.

01:51:17.000 We're talking about them right now.

01:51:19.000 But that was like a brief moment.

01:51:21.000 People don't remember.

01:51:22.000 PussyGate.

01:51:23.000 Because there was a time where these uh high level celebrity type people were accidentally showing their pussy.

01:51:29.000 Yep.

01:51:29.000 Whoopsies.

01:51:31.000 Here's my pussy.

01:51:33.000 Out there in the breeze.

01:51:35.000 Just nothing but a curtain.

01:51:36.000 So weird over raw pussy.

01:51:38.000 Out there in the wild.

01:51:44.000 Wild pussy.

01:51:47.000 I never say that word on stage.

01:51:49.000 Pussy?

01:51:49.000 Yeah.

01:51:50.000 Because of Prince, out of respect.

01:51:52.000 Out of respect for Prince.

01:51:55.000 Right.

01:51:56.000 No, I just never have.

01:51:58.000 And I I think it was last night.

01:52:01.000 No, not last night.

01:52:02.000 Night for last.

01:52:02.000 I don't know what the crowd was just I don't know.

01:52:04.000 They were crazy.

01:52:06.000 And I don't know.

01:52:07.000 Someone yelled something out, and I I said, Well, wait, I I got I'm gonna just do I did a horrible pro it was a it was a Bud Light bottle.

01:52:16.000 You know, but you know, like one of those metal ones.

01:52:18.000 Mm-hmm.

01:52:19.000 I had these these legs put on it like that.

01:52:23.000 And it's hilarious looking.

01:52:24.000 I said, I made a Bud Light so guys will drink it again.

01:52:27.000 Uh and the guys the guy was like, someone yelled, uh, I don't get it.

01:52:32.000 I said, it's pussy.

01:52:33.000 Like i how do you not get the joke?

01:52:35.000 It's two legs spread.

01:52:36.000 The beer goes like this and the legs go.

01:52:38.000 I said, see, you're eating pussy.

01:52:40.000 And it was just like the crowd was like, a carrotop can't say pussy.

01:52:44.000 Like what?

01:52:46.000 I I said, No, it's okay.

01:52:46.000 They just didn't.

01:52:47.000 I said, put it on.

01:52:48.000 Are there kids in the crowd?

01:52:49.000 And don't say it again.

01:52:50.000 No, no.

01:52:51.000 Don't say it again.

01:52:51.000 No.

01:52:52.000 No, they could.

01:52:52.000 I said, no, don't no, no.

01:52:53.000 And so they're thinking, don't say it again.

01:52:54.000 I said, no, but you can say it.

01:52:56.000 But I said, now that I've said that, though, we we've topped it.

01:53:00.000 I mean, right?

01:53:01.000 You can't top once you say pussy, you can't top it.

01:53:03.000 So they're like, no, they laughed.

01:53:04.000 I'm like, you know, now fucks nothing.

01:53:06.000 I said, Pussies, we're we've reached the plateau of raunchy uh at the show.

01:53:11.000 Caratop show.

01:53:12.000 Yeah, it's more silly.

01:53:13.000 I mean, there's an edge.

01:53:14.000 But do you an edge to it?

01:53:15.000 But you swear whenever you feel like it.

01:53:17.000 Yeah.

01:53:18.000 He just.

01:53:20.000 But I do it for some parts that I don't need to.

01:53:23.000 No, but I never say buzzy.

01:53:25.000 Swearing's fun.

01:53:25.000 Fun.

01:53:26.000 People that don't want you to swear.

01:53:28.000 That that always makes me that was like the Bill Cosby thing.

01:53:31.000 He was always angry at people swearing.

01:53:32.000 I remember that Richard Burns.

01:53:33.000 Richard.

01:53:34.000 Yeah, with the Eddie?

01:53:34.000 Eddie Murphy.

01:53:35.000 That's one of the greatest bits.

01:53:36.000 He says Do the people laugh.

01:53:39.000 Yeah.

01:53:39.000 Do you get paid?

01:53:40.000 Tell Bill down Copic smile and shut the fuck up.

01:53:46.000 No, yeah.

01:53:48.000 Great.

01:53:48.000 That's yeah.

01:53:50.000 Rick Pryor.

01:53:50.000 He's brilliant, right?

01:53:51.000 Oh my God.

01:53:53.000 Oh my God.

01:53:53.000 My parents took me to see him uh live in the Sunset Strip when it was in the movie theater.

01:53:58.000 I was like 15, 16 years old.

01:53:59.000 That's great.

01:54:00.000 It was incredible.

01:54:02.000 I couldn't believe how funny it was.

01:54:04.000 I will never forget this.

01:54:05.000 It was the first moment where I realized like what stand-up can do.

01:54:09.000 Because this guy was on stage and just talking, it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard in my life.

01:54:15.000 Ever.

01:54:16.000 I thought about all the movies that I had seen that were really funny movies, and I was like, there's nothing that's this funny.

01:54:21.000 And this guy's just talking.

01:54:23.000 I was looking around the theater.

01:54:23.000 Yeah.

01:54:25.000 I'll never forget this man.

01:54:27.000 And there was people just going like this, just throwing their body up and down while they're laughing, holding their body.

01:54:34.000 Like, oh my gosh.

01:54:35.000 Oh my god, just dying laughing.

01:54:38.000 I was like, this is incredible.

01:54:40.000 He's just talking.

01:54:41.000 It's incredible how funny this is.

01:54:42.000 Yeah, he was that that's a groundbreaking special.

01:54:46.000 Yeah, when you're 15, you're like, no way.

01:54:50.000 And you're right.

01:54:51.000 And seeing people like you said, physically laughing like that.

01:54:54.000 Falling down.

01:54:55.000 You don't see that often.

01:54:56.000 Dying.

01:54:57.000 Like they couldn't handle it.

01:54:58.000 Like, I did a I opened for Steve Harvey one time in Birmingham, Alabama.

01:55:02.000 And uh I get there, I set up all my stuff and I I'd never met him.

01:55:06.000 This is a years and years ago.

01:55:08.000 I had like a trunk.

01:55:09.000 You know, I didn't have I had like 30 props and a third of them were really good.

01:55:16.000 You know, I kind of just opened it.

01:55:19.000 I get there and I do I do the first thing.

01:55:21.000 And they oh and Steve says to me, Hey, you know, you ever worked a black crowd?

01:55:26.000 I was like, no.

01:55:28.000 I mean, like all black crowd.

01:55:29.000 I said, No.

01:55:30.000 I'm just performing in front of black people.

01:55:32.000 He said, No, no, all black crowd.

01:55:33.000 I said, Well, it'll be all black crowds.

01:55:35.000 He said, Oh, yeah, all black crowd.

01:55:37.000 I didn't know.

01:55:38.000 I they would go one way or the other.

01:55:41.000 He just said if they stand up but they start going like they're not leaving.

01:55:46.000 They're standing up for to tell when they laugh.

01:55:50.000 I was like, uh Anyway, I go out there and I I do okay for a bit, and then I did one, I don't know what it was, but they all got up and they were like it looked like they were leaving, but they were that's that's how they they were like you said, they were just rejoicing in their like ah and I just I never I couldn't believe it.

01:56:07.000 I and I I came off and he's like, nice, nice set.

01:56:10.000 And I'm like, that was so much fun.

01:56:12.000 They were so into the show.

01:56:14.000 And I said, I don't know how he's gonna follow that.

01:56:16.000 Because I did really sort of got I did really good.

01:56:20.000 It's his crowd.

01:56:21.000 I really did grab it.

01:56:22.000 I I thought to myself, he he's not gonna uh you know.

01:56:25.000 That fucker, that guy, you know well, Steve is sure.

01:56:30.000 I know it was his crowd, but paint was peeling off the club.

01:56:34.000 It was so loud.

01:56:35.000 It was so piercing loud in there.

01:56:37.000 And that's another guy.

01:56:38.000 I thought, I'm not in comedy.

01:56:40.000 Uh uh, whatever I'm in, I'm not in that that kings of comedy with Bernie Mac.

01:56:45.000 That was like Bernie Mac and his prime.

01:56:47.000 Bernie Mac, brilliant.

01:56:48.000 Oh my god, Bray Mac.

01:56:50.000 Bernie Mac was so funny.

01:56:52.000 He was so powerful on stage.

01:56:53.000 It's like sometimes you see someone performing, it's like, whoa.

01:56:56.000 Yeah, everything, his eyes alone just punch lines charisma.

01:57:00.000 Just pop.

01:57:01.000 Yep.

01:57:02.000 Yeah, pop.

01:57:03.000 He just was funny.

01:57:04.000 There's some dudes that just know how to just uh hit it just right.

01:57:08.000 Yep.

01:57:08.000 Yeah.

01:57:09.000 Yeah, he was that way.

01:57:10.000 Oh my god.

01:57:11.000 It was so funny.

01:57:12.000 I mean, that whole era tour, that's kind of interesting that no one's done that since, right?

01:57:16.000 There's been like the kings of comedy and then there's blue collar.

01:57:19.000 There haven't been really a lot of those movie tours like that.

01:57:19.000 Right.

01:57:24.000 There hasn't been.

01:57:28.000 Right?

01:57:28.000 Right.

01:57:28.000 Kings of Comedy.

01:57:29.000 How many films did they make?

01:57:30.000 They made at least one, right?

01:57:32.000 How many Kings of Comedy Comedy specials did Kings of Comedy make?

01:57:32.000 Yeah.

01:57:38.000 So then Blue Collar did a couple, right?

01:57:40.000 Two or how many did they do?

01:57:43.000 I mean, actual specials, yeah, but they toured like crazy.

01:57:48.000 And um they all went on to tour too.

01:57:51.000 Yeah.

01:57:52.000 But there hasn't been like one.

01:57:55.000 There hasn't been you're right.

01:57:56.000 No.

01:57:57.000 Interesting.

01:57:58.000 It's funny.

01:57:59.000 But it's also like everybody's already touring.

01:58:02.000 This is like there's more people doing arenas now than I think have ever.

01:58:07.000 I mean, not even close.

01:58:08.000 It's unbelievable.

01:58:08.000 It's weird.

01:58:10.000 It's but it's what we're talking about.

01:58:15.000 Joe Coi's killing it.

01:58:16.000 Uh he's always doing gigantic.

01:58:18.000 He just said to me, um, he was just backstage with his family.

01:58:21.000 And he said, um, just casually.

01:58:25.000 He said, he said, What do you do?

01:58:26.000 What are you doing on you know, m February or something?

01:58:29.000 I said, uh, probably working.

01:58:30.000 He goes, Ah, have you come so fi? 'Cause I'm like, Oh, what's going on at Sofi?

01:58:35.000 He's like Me.

01:58:36.000 Fuck.

01:58:37.000 Yeah.

01:58:38.000 I said, You What do you go in there for?

01:58:40.000 He's like Me, like to perform.

01:58:43.000 I just it just blew me away.

01:58:44.000 I'm like, You're playing Sofi?

01:58:46.000 He's like Yeah, he's been doing a reasonable.

01:58:47.000 Yeah, yeah, it's hard.

01:58:48.000 It's already it's already sold out.

01:58:49.000 Yeah.

01:58:50.000 I'm like he's so casual.

01:58:52.000 Yeah, I'm just so five.

01:58:53.000 Like he's gonna go see the stones.

01:58:54.000 He's like, No, I'm going to see me.

01:58:57.000 Nate Bargazi's another one like that.

01:59:00.000 He's doing arenas everywhere.

01:59:02.000 It's just super normal, casual.

01:59:04.000 Yeah.

01:59:05.000 Hang out with him.

01:59:06.000 Stadium.

01:59:07.000 Football stadium.

01:59:08.000 Which one's doing the football stadium?

01:59:09.000 Joe Coy and Gabriel.

01:59:10.000 Dang, yeah.

01:59:11.000 Oh, that's a great one too combination.

01:59:13.000 Yeah.

01:59:14.000 That's a great one too.

01:59:15.000 Yeah, you can't go wrong.

01:59:16.000 Fluffy does LA by himself, right?

01:59:19.000 Doesn't he do the Dodge Stadium by himself?

01:59:22.000 So insane.

01:59:22.000 Yeah.

01:59:23.000 Insane.

01:59:24.000 Yeah.

01:59:24.000 Fluffy is a giant following.

01:59:26.000 I remember when we were at the ice house, he had the record for the most amount of shows sold out in a row.

01:59:31.000 And like they had a plaque on the wall.

01:59:34.000 There, look at these guys.

01:59:35.000 Holy shit.

01:59:37.000 So Fi Stadium.

01:59:38.000 God damn.

01:59:40.000 Jesus.

01:59:40.000 That's nuts.

01:59:42.000 Yeah, man.

01:59:42.000 They're killing it.

01:59:43.000 This is the same thing.

01:59:44.000 I'll be playing crackers on uh.

01:59:46.000 Shane Gillis is killing it like that.

01:59:47.000 Tony's killing it like that.

01:59:49.000 It's pretty the Notre Dame Stadium last night.

01:59:51.000 Shane did the other night.

01:59:52.000 Shane O'Connor is that Brian at Notre Dame.

01:59:52.000 Who did?

01:59:55.000 Oh my God.

01:59:56.000 Oh my God.

01:59:57.000 That's incredible.

01:59:58.000 That's incredible.

02:00:00.000 Holy shit.

02:00:02.000 Woo.

02:00:03.000 It's fun time.

02:00:04.000 Fun time for comedy.

02:00:05.000 Burt's doing giant places.

02:00:07.000 Segura is doing giant places.

02:00:09.000 It's really wild.

02:00:10.000 It's wild to see.

02:00:12.000 Yeah, I'm gonna meet him on Monday.

02:00:14.000 Which one?

02:00:15.000 Tuesday.

02:00:16.000 Tar.

02:00:16.000 Which one?

02:00:17.000 Oh, you never met him?

02:00:18.000 I don't think so.

02:00:19.000 Oh.

02:00:19.000 I don't think so.

02:00:20.000 You'll love him.

02:00:21.000 I don't know if I'd think I've met him or not.

02:00:22.000 I don't know.

02:00:23.000 But he's like a hundred and eighty-seven pounds now.

02:00:26.000 Oh really?

02:00:26.000 Dude, he was at the co the club.

02:00:28.000 Did you see him?

02:00:29.000 I can just tell from the photos.

02:00:30.000 He looks so skinny.

02:00:32.000 Dude, he looks great.

02:00:33.000 He looks great.

02:00:34.000 He was at the club the other night.

02:00:35.000 I'm like, dude, you look fucking great.

02:00:37.000 I go, what do you weigh?

02:00:38.000 He goes 187.

02:00:39.000 He has been 187 since he was like in high school.

02:00:42.000 Oh, good for him.

02:00:43.000 Yeah, but he's like healthy.

02:00:45.000 He's not like uh Ozempic.

02:00:46.000 Yeah, that was was had a good joke, uh gaffigan.

02:00:51.000 He he he makes me laugh.

02:00:52.000 He said, I don't want my meeting greet, and my fan said to me, Oh, you look you look uh are you okay?

02:01:00.000 I get that I'm okay.

02:01:02.000 Yeah, you okay?

02:01:03.000 He says, Yeah, I'm fine.

02:01:04.000 Why?

02:01:04.000 He says, You look sick.

02:01:06.000 He's like, No, I no, I just lost weight.

02:01:09.000 And she goes, Oh, is empic?

02:01:10.000 He goes, No, not Ozempic, I'm on the other one.

02:01:13.000 But he did it's like if you if you if you're if you're if you have muscles, you're on steroids.

02:01:19.000 If you're if you're skinny, you're on a Zempic.

02:01:21.000 Can anyone be happy with anybody just looking good?

02:01:23.000 You know?

02:01:23.000 No one.

02:01:24.000 No one's happy with that.

02:01:25.000 God, you look good.

02:01:25.000 What are you on?

02:01:26.000 No, I'm not nothing.

02:01:27.000 The only time you're gonna find people that are happy When you're doing good is if they're doing good.

02:01:32.000 So if they're doing good, then they get to say, hey, carrot's app.

02:01:35.000 You're looking great, man.

02:01:36.000 You're looking great.

02:01:37.000 Because they don't they don't feel threatened.

02:01:39.000 Yeah.

02:01:39.000 You look good.

02:01:40.000 So some people do.

02:01:41.000 They feel threatened by other people doing well.

02:01:43.000 And so they they don't they want uh oh zebic.

02:01:46.000 Yeah, doing ozempic.

02:01:48.000 I mean, I would die if I took a thing.

02:01:49.000 There's no fucking way that guy has the willpower to lose that weight.

02:01:53.000 Right, yeah.

02:01:54.000 He's a pussy.

02:01:55.000 And then they feel better.

02:01:56.000 They feel better about themselves.

02:01:57.000 Yeah.

02:01:58.000 Because their life sucks.

02:01:59.000 Yeah.

02:01:59.000 Interesting.

02:02:00.000 That's a lot of people.

02:02:00.000 That's a giant chunk of the population.

02:02:02.000 That's why you're not supposed to read social media.

02:02:04.000 And you I hear my friends down.

02:02:06.000 Like, I look at her.

02:02:07.000 Yeah, she's gotta be.

02:02:08.000 Maybe she's just taking care of herself.

02:02:09.000 Maybe she's doing She's eating apples and doing yoga.

02:02:13.000 Yeah.

02:02:14.000 Also, some people, it's really gonna help them.

02:02:17.000 You know, if you're 600 pounds, it's probably a good idea.

02:02:20.000 And what my friend was telling me, my friend Brigham was telling me, uh, who actually runs a pharmacy, he's like, the issue is the dosage, first of all, that people are getting these enormous doses and you know, variable by body weight, it should be they should probably be getting a much lower dose.

02:02:36.000 Right.

02:02:36.000 And he's saying they're showing now that if you mix it with certain peptides, I think it was IGF one, is that what he said?

02:02:43.000 I think he said IGF one that if you mix it with certain peptides, it eliminates the muscle loss and the bone loss.

02:02:50.000 And so what you do is you if you get on one of these things, if you're overweight, you're really struggling and you just need something to just get you back on track.

02:02:57.000 The idea is that you could get on this and then use it as like a kick start to a healthy lifestyle.

02:03:06.000 Okay, now you've dropped 30 pounds, you feel much better, right?

02:03:09.000 Okay, you've been eating really good, right?

02:03:11.000 Now let's get off this fucking nonsense that you're on that's making you lose your appetite, and let's now just maintain your body weight and just keep eating healthy and it'll go off.

02:03:22.000 Like if you just do it the right way, it'll you'll continue to progress.

02:03:27.000 You know, you don't have to stay on that stuff.

02:03:29.000 No, it's long term is kind of sketchy.

02:03:32.000 Like, I don't know what are you what are you doing to it's like what is what is the actual GLP one uh chemical, like what or whatever you want to call it, medication, what does it actually do?

02:03:44.000 What is this peptide actually do that makes you lose your appetite?

02:03:48.000 Because that's essentially what it's using.

02:03:51.000 Which is the last thing I ever want to hear about.

02:03:54.000 I fucking love appetite.

02:03:55.000 I love it, yeah.

02:03:56.000 I am appetite.

02:03:57.000 Yeah.

02:03:58.000 We got them in the airport here, it's all people thought my sister would say where's where's the best barbecue place?

02:04:02.000 Barbie.

02:04:03.000 I don't want to hear lose my appetite.

02:04:03.000 Yeah, dude.

02:04:05.000 You can go fuck yourself.

02:04:07.000 I love appetite.

02:04:08.000 Um so it regulates appetite by acting on the brain's hypothalamus to promote feelings of fullness and sate satiety.

02:04:15.000 And by slowing down the rate of which food leaves the stomach, gastric emptying.

02:04:20.000 It also influences the brain's reward system, reduces cravings for high calorie food, and dampening the motivation to eat.

02:04:27.000 These combined effects contribute to a reduced overall energy intake and a longer lasting feeling of fullness after meals.

02:04:35.000 I think it's like everything else, man.

02:04:37.000 Like you could probably use it responsibly and it can probably help you if you're really obese.

02:04:43.000 But I think there's way too many people that are hopping on it that just need a little discipline.

02:04:48.000 Just get a little disposable.

02:04:48.000 Right.

02:04:50.000 But that doesn't mean that some people shouldn't use it, right?

02:04:52.000 And if they can figure out how to do it right with like peptides, then okay, maybe maybe it's a healthy way for you to get into a good lifestyle.

02:05:00.000 But the real thing is get in get healthy.

02:05:03.000 That's the real thing.

02:05:04.000 Right.

02:05:05.000 It's like It's predominantly made for people with diabetes, I think, but then they found out it was Exactly.

02:05:11.000 Which, like you said, no, and it's a huge moneymaker.

02:05:11.000 Exactly.

02:05:14.000 Oh, it's gonna be some money.

02:05:16.000 Making some money off of this stuff.

02:05:18.000 I just eat and throw up, that's what I do.

02:05:20.000 But see, that's not a lot easier.

02:05:21.000 That's one that I don't have a problem with people making money off of.

02:05:24.000 It's like I don't have a problem with them making money off of any of them.

02:05:27.000 Let me be real clear.

02:05:28.000 But this one's like maybe like overall benefit if done correctly, for pe if there's so many people out there that are fucked, man.

02:05:37.000 They're 500 fucking pounds and they don't know how to stop.

02:05:41.000 And they they go to counseling, see the shows, they have to do it.

02:05:44.000 They think about getting their stomach stapled, and it is an addiction, just like gambling, just like anything else.

02:05:49.000 You need some help sometimes.

02:05:51.000 Yeah.

02:05:51.000 And maybe that's what they need.

02:05:54.000 Just something.

02:05:55.000 Something to fucking get you out of this terrible state and move you into a place of healthy.

02:06:03.000 And then you'll be you'll feel better.

02:06:05.000 This is a problem with like you'll you'll think better.

02:06:09.000 You'll be nicer, you'll you'll you'll have a better life.

02:06:12.000 You'll have more energy to do the things you like to do.

02:06:15.000 There's no downsides to being healthy.

02:06:17.000 There's zero downsides.

02:06:19.000 No.

02:06:19.000 You know, the only downside is it sucks.

02:06:21.000 It's a lot of hard work.

02:06:23.000 But once you get there, once you get there, the feeling of satisfaction of having accomplished something, like getting your body into a condition where it's like healthy and you can do stuff.

02:06:32.000 You can, you know, t take a fucking yoga class.

02:06:35.000 You can do crossfit.

02:06:36.000 You can you can do stuff.

02:06:38.000 It's physical.

02:06:39.000 It works well.

02:06:40.000 Or just get implants like I did.

02:06:41.000 It's a lot.

02:06:44.000 There was this one guy who got like the most implants.

02:06:47.000 Oh, I know that.

02:06:50.000 Have you seen that guy?

02:06:51.000 Yeah.

02:06:52.000 No, it's that's really creepy, isn't it?

02:06:55.000 Someone needed to talk to him a long time ago.

02:06:57.000 Like Mike.

02:06:58.000 Whatever you're doing, slow down like that.

02:07:02.000 You look crazy.

02:07:04.000 I don't know if you got a mirror in your fucking house.

02:07:06.000 Yeah, no, god damn.

02:07:07.000 But that's the thing with with people when they start doing that kind of stuff, they don't know when to stop.

02:07:12.000 Yeah.

02:07:12.000 No.

02:07:13.000 And it becomes addictive.

02:07:14.000 You know?

02:07:15.000 Just like eating becomes addictive or gambling because you get get addicted to just fucking with your face.

02:07:20.000 That guy.

02:07:20.000 There he is.

02:07:22.000 Oh, he's got a back implant tight.

02:07:24.000 Twenty one G's.

02:07:25.000 Twenty-one thousand dollars to do a back implant.

02:07:28.000 It does look like he's got crazy lats.

02:07:29.000 I'd be like, that guy must be a rock climber.

02:07:32.000 If you saw that, I'd be like, that guy's jacked.

02:07:32.000 Right?

02:07:35.000 Look how jacked he is.

02:07:37.000 All the way down to his wrists.

02:07:39.000 And you're like, hey, why are those wrists on that body?

02:07:42.000 That's crazy.

02:07:43.000 Something's wrong.

02:07:46.000 You know what I mean?

02:07:46.000 It's like he looks great for like whatever it is.

02:07:49.000 The boobs are odd.

02:07:50.000 Uh but there's some some part of your brain is like, what is going on?

02:07:54.000 Does he have fake abs too?

02:07:56.000 I don't know.

02:07:57.000 Those are great fake abs.

02:07:58.000 If those are fake abs, let me see that again.

02:08:01.000 No, well, there it looks real.

02:08:03.000 That looks normal.

02:08:05.000 But one of the ones that you just showed earlier look like, okay.

02:08:08.000 Are those as real abs?

02:08:09.000 Because if you if you could get those abs, if those are real, like you could have done the whole thing.

02:08:15.000 You could have done the whole thing, fella.

02:08:17.000 Like somebody just needs to get you lifted away.

02:08:19.000 You didn't have to do that.

02:08:22.000 Oh no, he totally admits to it, right?

02:08:23.000 Oh, yeah.

02:08:24.000 I think I think that's his whole thing.

02:08:26.000 Yeah, he's letting everybody know.

02:08:27.000 It's not like he's like, nope.

02:08:28.000 No, no, no.

02:08:29.000 God just keeps blessing me.

02:08:31.000 Under the knife more than 190 times.

02:08:34.000 Oh, that's normal.

02:08:34.000 For over 340 procedures.

02:08:37.000 Well, that seems totally sane.

02:08:40.000 Hey, but just how many what is it like to f what kind of damage are you doing to your body just going under 190 times.

02:08:48.000 190 times you went under?

02:08:50.000 Starting at age 18.

02:08:52.000 Whoa.

02:08:53.000 Soon as he got out of the house.

02:08:54.000 Fuck you, Mom and Dad.

02:08:55.000 Yeah, I'm gonna I'm got orange cones around his back.

02:08:58.000 I'm getting lats.

02:09:01.000 He doesn't, but he looks like he's a small frame guy.

02:09:04.000 He doesn't have to be a good thing.

02:09:05.000 You get down to his wrist.

02:09:05.000 Exactly.

02:09:06.000 You're like, that guy's burger.

02:09:08.000 This is insane.

02:09:09.000 The wrist was weird.

02:09:11.000 It's not admitting abs, saying it did everything else.

02:09:14.000 Oh.

02:09:15.000 Okay, well, if that's true, and it may be true, they might not be able to do abs back then.

02:09:21.000 I don't think they're not somebody else.

02:09:23.000 I know they do absorb.

02:09:24.000 I know they do that sculpting thing.

02:09:26.000 Yeah.

02:09:26.000 Where they sculpt the fat away and it makes it look like more.

02:09:32.000 I have a guy those look pretty good.

02:09:34.000 But that the other guy's.

02:09:35.000 Oh, that's that crazy guy.

02:09:36.000 That guy's had a lot of those things too.

02:09:37.000 So that's fake abs.

02:09:39.000 Yeah, those look real.

02:09:40.000 A little more real.

02:09:41.000 But that that like I'm saying, like if somebody just talked that dude into lifting weights, hooked on the look.

02:09:47.000 What is it?

02:09:49.000 I think those are his real abs.

02:09:51.000 Like he could have got a tight swimmer's body instead of uh what he did.

02:09:51.000 Which are pretty good.

02:09:55.000 Ooh, Jesus Christ.

02:10:01.000 Yeah, they expose, they cut all the fat away, so it exposes more of the abdominal area.

02:10:07.000 Abdominal sculpting keratin.

02:10:09.000 I think I had that tomorrow before Sigura.

02:10:11.000 Tight.

02:10:12.000 You're gonna have to get drained though.

02:10:13.000 You know, have these tubes on the body leaking push because you just had a wound.

02:10:20.000 They cut your fat away.

02:10:23.000 You want to look better in bikini.

02:10:24.000 I like I yeah, no.

02:10:25.000 All you have to do is just work out.

02:10:27.000 Jesus Christ, people.

02:10:28.000 Do a crunch.

02:10:29.000 Your body is who you are, right?

02:10:31.000 If you have like a little bit of a gut, it's because you've been fucking off.

02:10:34.000 That's just it.

02:10:35.000 You live a good thing.

02:10:35.000 Show it to the world.

02:10:37.000 This is who you are.

02:10:38.000 You're living good.

02:10:38.000 Let it go.

02:10:39.000 You got a little gut.

02:10:40.000 If you don't like it, lose weight.

02:10:42.000 Yeah.

02:10:43.000 I just don't know if uh you need Ozempic.

02:10:47.000 Maybe somebody does.

02:10:48.000 Like you said, someone that's really obese probably would help them.

02:10:51.000 Dude, we're just about four or five years away from their being able to genetically engineer you anyway.

02:10:57.000 They're gonna be able to like eliminate obesity.

02:11:00.000 Obesity is gonna be out the window, probably.

02:11:02.000 Well at least with people who have the money for the procedure.

02:11:04.000 They'll probably just fucking lay paste around your body.

02:11:09.000 Fat will burn away and you'll fucking come and out look like Chris Evans.

02:11:14.000 Captain America.

02:11:17.000 That's gonna happen, dude.

02:11:18.000 It's gonna happen.

02:11:19.000 Yeah, it will.

02:11:20.000 They're already doing weird stuff that's beneficial to people.

02:11:23.000 They're already figuring out how to splice genes and turn off like gene expressions that cause certain diseases, and they're they're getting involved in some really wild research when it comes to like manipulating your genome.

02:11:38.000 And once once it really gets good, once they really start, you know, curing certain diseases and figuring stuff out and they ratchet up and they can start they'll they'll start going who wants to be good looking.

02:11:54.000 Who wants a giant dick who wants the biggest ass?

02:11:58.000 That's right.

02:11:59.000 Yeah, it's just gonna 100% people are gonna all look like cartoons.

02:12:03.000 We're all gonna be cartooning.

02:12:04.000 It's gonna be yeah.

02:12:05.000 It will all look like that.

02:12:06.000 We're all gonna look like Thor and the woman look like prime Jennifer Lopez.

02:12:11.000 The whole world's hot.

02:12:12.000 I mean, if it's fun times fun times, everybody gets to play.

02:12:17.000 Everybody's yeah, with you meant how much it must suck to just unfortunately be born really unattractive.

02:12:24.000 You know, like there's people that got a terrible roll of the dice in life.

02:12:28.000 You know, they got weird.

02:12:29.000 I'm right here for God's sake.

02:12:31.000 You're a normal looking guy, dude.

02:12:32.000 You're normal looking guy who's done some stuff.

02:12:34.000 But there's normal looking people like you and I, like elephant Titus man, that guy.

02:12:40.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:12:40.000 Remember that guy?

02:12:41.000 Imagine something like that where you can just completely change it and all of a sudden he looks like Ken.

02:12:41.000 Of course.

02:12:46.000 Yeah.

02:12:46.000 Why wouldn't you do that?

02:12:48.000 No.

02:12:48.000 Yeah.

02:12:48.000 Why wouldn't everybody get a chance to be hot?

02:12:50.000 Well, it's gonna be like if everybody's hot.

02:12:52.000 Fun.

02:12:53.000 It's gonna be fucking fun, dude.

02:12:55.000 It's gonna be awesome.

02:12:56.000 Everybody gets to play.

02:12:57.000 I like that.

02:12:58.000 Yeah, it's gonna be fun.

02:12:59.000 Everybody's hot.

02:13:00.000 It's gonna be great.

02:13:01.000 And uh what if they figure out what's wrong with people's brains?

02:13:04.000 Like, oh, we thought that you just had to go let people experience life and figure out their issues and make mistakes and maybe go to jail and then get out.

02:13:12.000 No, no, no, no, no.

02:13:14.000 We can just rewire brains.

02:13:15.000 Yeah, rewire everybody's brain so everybody's like really calm and peaceful and kind and compassionate, and you have to sign up for it.

02:13:23.000 It's the compassionate program, and everybody has to get get the updated software.

02:13:27.000 That's great.

02:13:29.000 We're gonna have to do it.

02:13:31.000 You have his top or a software update tonight, as in the case.

02:13:34.000 Everyone's gonna be hot and everyone's gonna be nice.

02:13:37.000 It's gonna be a human horse.

02:13:40.000 And then all inventions will cease.

02:13:43.000 Instantaneously.

02:13:43.000 Yeah.

02:13:44.000 We will never invent a single thing after that.

02:13:47.000 There will be no more music.

02:13:49.000 Yeah.

02:13:50.000 Everyone's gonna be hot.

02:13:51.000 There's there'll be no motivation whatsoever for you to ever like be like Prince.

02:14:00.000 You know?

02:14:00.000 Right.

02:14:01.000 Like Prince became Prince because he was five foot three, and that was the way to get women to love him to be so fucking talented.

02:14:07.000 Like that people just are blown away.

02:14:09.000 And you're acting like a woman, they don't even understand it, but they're so hot for you.

02:14:12.000 Like he hacked the system.

02:14:14.000 But you're not gonna get that if everybody's like.

02:14:17.000 I met Prince a couple times.

02:14:18.000 One time I met him, he he was still cursing.

02:14:20.000 Uh, because I was on the tonight show and I was back in that little hallway getting my makeup uh done or whatever.

02:14:28.000 And but I already came in makeup, so I don't know why that you know I was always ready.

02:14:32.000 So I I I just walk out of the makeup thing, and Prince was on the show, his door's right there, and mine is down here.

02:14:39.000 So I walked over to Jay and I said, he walk in.

02:14:42.000 I said, Can I could you introduce me to Prince?

02:14:44.000 He said, Well, you're in you're in the phone, it's gonna knock on the door.

02:14:47.000 I said, Well, no, I'd I'm protocol, I'd rather you you walk me in.

02:14:51.000 It's Prince, and just say, Hey, you know, he said, I haven't even said hi to him yet either.

02:14:55.000 So come with me.

02:14:56.000 So he said, Well, go after this.

02:14:58.000 I he goes to his makeup, I'm just standing there.

02:15:02.000 Prince comes out of his dress room, and he says, Where's my fucking tea?

02:15:07.000 And I'm like was that he's my fucking tea.

02:15:13.000 And I was like, Oh, I'll I'll make I'll go get it.

02:15:17.000 And he cl he slow closed the door and uh and Jay was right there in the thing.

02:15:22.000 I said, Where is where's Prince's fucking tea?

02:15:25.000 And she's like, What?

02:15:26.000 I said, he just yelled at me to get his fucking tea.

02:15:28.000 He's like, Did he does he know you're in the No, he doesn't normally show he probably doesn't know you're on the show.

02:15:32.000 So I went and got tea, and I walked in and knocked on the door and he opened it, and and he he his assistant opened the door.

02:15:37.000 I said, This is this is Prince's tea.

02:15:40.000 And he says, He doesn't drink tea.

02:15:42.000 I was like, Okay.

02:15:44.000 Uh no.

02:15:45.000 And Prince is looking, he's like, Close the door to the thing.

02:15:49.000 What the fuck was that about?

02:15:54.000 So listen.

02:15:55.000 That seems insane.

02:15:57.000 That's insane.

02:15:59.000 I it but it was it was just awkward.

02:16:02.000 I didn't I didn't know what I was supposed to do.

02:16:04.000 So the next time I'm in Vegas, I'm going to my own room.

02:16:08.000 You didn't talk to him at all after that?

02:16:09.000 You were on the show together?

02:16:09.000 No.

02:16:10.000 No.

02:16:13.000 Jay brings us all on at the end.

02:16:15.000 This is thanks, Prince and Caratop and Prince declined to to to go out for the closing.

02:16:21.000 But you can see it.

02:16:22.000 He was see, he was like, We had Prince Carat.

02:16:25.000 Do you think he was a embarrassed that he told you to get his tea?

02:16:29.000 No, I think he was just out of his mind.

02:16:31.000 No, maybe.

02:16:31.000 Maybe he thought, Oh shit, I asked for no.

02:16:33.000 But he would have said thank you for my tea.

02:16:36.000 The girl's like, he doesn't want tea.

02:16:38.000 I'm like, he just asked me for fucking tea.

02:16:42.000 That follows along with my theory about that kind of talent.

02:16:42.000 All right.

02:16:47.000 I always think you have to be at least somewhat insane.

02:16:49.000 Or have a relationship.

02:16:51.000 You have to have a relationship with insanity.

02:16:53.000 Which is probably why I joined Jehovah's Witness.

02:16:56.000 Yeah.

02:16:57.000 And decided to stop swearing.

02:16:58.000 It's like he wanted some structure, right?

02:17:00.000 He's probably had a relationship with insanity.

02:17:03.000 Probably.

02:17:04.000 I mean he was definitely had a I mean he had a troubled, you know, we all know that.

02:17:09.000 He was rough patch there for him.

02:17:11.000 But um he the best one was I was going to my room at the MGM Grand at the top suites, whatever the hell they're called.

02:17:19.000 It's after the show, and they have the little girls at the end of the, you know, the check you in at the top.

02:17:24.000 Oh morning, Mr. Thompson.

02:17:25.000 How's your show?

02:17:26.000 Awful.

02:17:27.000 And I I start walking down the hall, and there's this big, big I mean, big black guy just standing right in the center of the hallway.

02:17:36.000 So I'm walking towards him and I'm like, you know, I'm getting closer to him, so I said, Hey, how's it going?

02:17:43.000 And I saw him go like, you know, I can't go by him.

02:17:47.000 So I said, Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

02:17:50.000 I need to go to my he's you you can't go to you can't go past here.

02:17:54.000 I said, Oh no, I have to go to my room.

02:17:57.000 He says, You're not going by you're not going by me.

02:17:59.000 He wasn't mean about it, but he says, You're not you're not gonna go by me.

02:18:02.000 And I and I made a joke like so.

02:18:03.000 I can I can probably get by you.

02:18:05.000 Being funny.

02:18:06.000 I said, I said, I can I could probably get by you pretty quick.

02:18:10.000 Didn't laugh.

02:18:11.000 So I said, Alright, I went back to the girl at the front down.

02:18:13.000 I said, Is that guy work here?

02:18:15.000 She's like, Who?

02:18:16.000 I said, The guy in the hallway.

02:18:18.000 No, what?

02:18:19.000 What guy?

02:18:19.000 I said, That guy.

02:18:21.000 No.

02:18:21.000 I said, Well then what you won't let me go by him.

02:18:24.000 She's like, I'll go with you.

02:18:26.000 So she walks with me.

02:18:27.000 I said, I I brought back up.

02:18:28.000 I mean, I get this little old lady.

02:18:30.000 Right.

02:18:31.000 I brought back up, we're getting through you.

02:18:33.000 And he's like, uh, sir, he needs to go to his room.

02:18:35.000 He's like, I'm sorry, you can't, you can't, you he can't come by me.

02:18:39.000 And I just kind of I figured there's gotta be something behind him.

02:18:43.000 And I kind of just do one of these like, well, I just gotta get and it's Prince, and he's standing, he's only, you know, he's this this guy's three times his size, and Prince is standing behind him.

02:18:55.000 So I just I say, Prince.

02:18:58.000 And he goes, Hey, I said, Can I go to my room?

02:19:02.000 He goes, Yeah.

02:19:06.000 I said, Can you tell him?

02:19:08.000 And he goes, To who?

02:19:09.000 I said, the guy.

02:19:11.000 Like he's not with him.

02:19:12.000 I he says, he said, yeah, let Caratop go to his room.

02:19:15.000 And he goes, he goes one of these, and I walked by him and he's just Prince is just standing, just standing behind this guy in the hallway.

02:19:22.000 I don't know what he was doing even.

02:19:23.000 He was just standing there.

02:19:24.000 I he just standing.

02:19:25.000 Probably writing a new song in his head.

02:19:27.000 Maybe he was right, I don't know, but it was just weirdest, and he just said, Hey, and I said, Thanks, Prince.

02:19:30.000 He said, No problem.

02:19:31.000 Bro, he's a weird guy.

02:19:32.000 That why that's why he's so good.

02:19:34.000 Yeah.

02:19:35.000 I just never forget that.

02:19:36.000 I was like, I don't think anybody gets that good without being really out of their mind.

02:19:40.000 Yeah.

02:19:40.000 You know?

02:19:42.000 You gotta be out there, man.

02:19:43.000 He is standing there behind this guy.

02:19:45.000 That's funny.

02:19:46.000 It wasn't like it wasn't a phone.

02:19:49.000 It's a funny thing to do.

02:19:52.000 That's a funny thing to do.

02:19:53.000 Stand out there with a giant dude in front of you.

02:19:57.000 Maybe he was waiting on a girl to come out of the room, that's all I could think of.

02:20:00.000 Maybe just felt like that.

02:20:01.000 He would just stand there.

02:20:04.000 Thanks, Prince.

02:20:05.000 No problem, Carrie.

02:20:06.000 Remember when he had to use a symbol?

02:20:08.000 Because he didn't have the rights to use that.

02:20:10.000 Right, the record label.

02:20:11.000 That's so insane.

02:20:12.000 You go back to Billy Joel's song, I am the Entertainer.

02:20:15.000 Like this is that too.

02:20:16.000 It's the same thing.

02:20:17.000 Music business.

02:20:18.000 Fucking with one of the all-time greats.

02:20:20.000 I was just reading about Billy Joel, his first record deal, he almost fucked everything up.

02:20:24.000 He signed everything away for 15 years.

02:20:26.000 Oh my god.

02:20:27.000 Yeah.

02:20:27.000 1973.

02:20:29.000 Some guy saw him perform that song you're talking about, and he was like, I gotta we gotta figure this out.

02:20:33.000 Wow, Captain Jack.

02:20:34.000 Yeah.

02:20:35.000 Oh wow.

02:20:36.000 Captain Jack is a great fucking song.

02:20:38.000 Have you ever seen him do it live?

02:20:40.000 No.

02:20:41.000 Oh yeah.

02:20:42.000 God damn.

02:20:43.000 See if you can find an old version.

02:20:45.000 We can't really play this side.

02:20:47.000 Can we play it and like cut it out?

02:20:49.000 I mean we can.

02:20:50.000 Yeah, let's play it and cut it out.

02:20:51.000 Find an old version of him doing it live from like the 1970s, if you can, if it's possible.

02:20:51.000 That's the one.

02:20:57.000 Yeah, there's a whole thing in the documentary right now about Billy Joel where he's look at this.

02:21:00.000 How quick is this?

02:21:02.000 1976, Captain Jack uh from Connecticut Live, 1976.

02:21:10.000 We'll come back, ladies and gentlemen.

02:21:12.000 Now we're back.

02:21:13.000 Oh going back to we were talking about music earlier about how good was that song?

02:21:19.000 Oh I'm saying though.

02:21:21.000 We have this but you I'm sure everyone has the same discussion about music and da da da and I you know these songs uh everything from that area 60, 70s, 80s, it's still relevant and amazing.

02:21:32.000 But there's I I it's hard to find I don't know if they just don't play it too.

02:21:37.000 It's you gotta find artists, man.

02:21:40.000 You gotta find the artist.

02:21:41.000 Go back and I I'd you know who didn't there's a lot of artists.

02:21:44.000 I still listen to you know Yeah, but there's great guys right now, man.

02:21:47.000 You know, there's Jelly Roll right now.

02:21:49.000 No, he's amazing.

02:21:50.000 Oliver Anthony, he's amazing.

02:21:53.000 Um Teddy swims.

02:21:56.000 That dude.

02:21:57.000 Do you know who that guy is?

02:21:58.000 Oh my god.

02:21:59.000 Play the door by Teddy Swims.

02:22:02.000 Same problem.

02:22:03.000 What's that?

02:22:05.000 We can't play music anymore.

02:22:06.000 Just like we'll cut it out.

02:22:07.000 We'll cut it out.

02:22:08.000 I'll just say that.

02:22:09.000 We'll cut it out.

02:22:09.000 We can do that.

02:22:11.000 Sorry.

02:22:12.000 But I just want you to listen to this.

02:22:13.000 Here's a, you fuck with your crowd.

02:22:15.000 You say, okay, now here, this is one of the best songs I've ever heard.

02:22:18.000 Yeah, but then you come back and listen to it.

02:22:20.000 No, you come back and you go, right?

02:22:23.000 Listen to this song.

02:22:24.000 Great.

02:22:26.000 Yeah.

02:22:26.000 That's great.

02:22:27.000 Beautiful.

02:22:28.000 See, they're they're out there, man.

02:22:28.000 Yeah.

02:22:29.000 Yeah, no, I know.

02:22:31.000 I guess when I'm old like me, I just get stubborn.

02:22:33.000 I go, Oh, what do you listen to?

02:22:34.000 I'm like, oh, Elton John.

02:22:37.000 I'll give you some shit to listen to.

02:22:37.000 What the fuck?

02:22:39.000 There's some great shit out there.

02:22:40.000 I try to.

02:22:41.000 I just get so I'm old, so s uh.

02:22:44.000 You listen to Zach Bryant.

02:22:45.000 I love Zach Brown.

02:22:45.000 George Joe.

02:22:46.000 Yeah, I love Zach Brown.

02:22:47.000 Zach Bryant.

02:22:48.000 I love Zach Brown too, but Zach Bryant.

02:22:49.000 Oh, Zach Bryant.

02:22:50.000 He's the guy that was at the uh arena with Shane Gillis.

02:22:53.000 Yeah, you don't know him?

02:22:54.000 No, I don't know.

02:22:55.000 Wait, wait, do I not know him?

02:22:56.000 Phenomenal.

02:22:57.000 He's phenomenal.

02:22:58.000 Phenomenal.

02:22:59.000 And another one of those guys is just like super, super talented, an incredible voice.

02:23:03.000 He was in the military, man.

02:23:05.000 He was making songs on like TikTok in the military or one of those things, like Vine or something like that.

02:23:10.000 And that's how he popped.

02:23:11.000 Just like right out of nowhere.

02:23:14.000 That's crazy.

02:23:18.000 Superstar.

02:23:18.000 I think he was in the Navy.

02:23:20.000 Um where what what what arena were they at?

02:23:23.000 Uh Notre Dame.

02:23:24.000 Notre Dame Stadium, football stadium.

02:23:26.000 How many people is in that?

02:23:27.000 I'll show you.

02:23:28.000 I mean, it's a hundred.

02:23:30.000 Is there a picture of them on stage?

02:23:31.000 A lot, yeah.

02:23:32.000 I want to see a picture of him on stage.

02:23:36.000 That's so surreal.

02:23:39.000 Yeah.

02:23:39.000 Those numbers are so surreal.

02:23:42.000 Look at the size of that.

02:23:42.000 Like, look at this.

02:23:44.000 That's so crazy.

02:23:48.000 It's like the looks or every night.

02:23:50.000 There's nothing different.

02:23:51.000 Basically the same.

02:23:52.000 It's the same.

02:23:53.000 What's the biggest show you've ever done?

02:23:55.000 Uh stadium in uh Florida.

02:23:57.000 What is that?

02:23:58.000 But that was for uh it was for their homecoming.

02:24:01.000 It wasn't a it wasn't a Garatop show.

02:24:03.000 I was the headliner, but it was it was uh it was a uh look at that.

02:24:08.000 That's crazy.

02:24:11.000 Wow.

02:24:13.000 He was so nervous about doing it too.

02:24:14.000 I can't wait to see.

02:24:15.000 Oh, I imagine how could you not be?

02:24:17.000 Yeah, but he's Well, I my my thing with the stadium, because you know, we we do they do a sound trick there with uh but this the stadium's empty.

02:24:24.000 And it's it was you know a hundred thousand people.

02:24:29.000 Uh this side was gonna be the alumni, this side was the the kids, you know.

02:24:35.000 All ages.

02:24:36.000 Now that they had a rules you couldn't say you couldn't curse.

02:24:39.000 You couldn't uh definitely couldn't say anything sexual.

02:24:41.000 So Mike, thank God I brought all this stupid shit.

02:24:43.000 It was just, you know, meant for Kyle is a bong with you know the open guy goes out, and his first joke is like, Yeah, I mean this chick out, right?

02:24:53.000 My my guy comes running in like dude, Michael, he's like, his opening line was I mean this girl and I said, No, he goes, Yeah.

02:25:01.000 I'm like, well second guy goes out, same thing.

02:25:04.000 He's just they're the the beyond rotten, gross, dirty, right?

02:25:10.000 And I'm getting ready to go up, and I'm like, Well, I'm gonna eat shit now, because they're they're you know, they went here.

02:25:17.000 But the crowd wanted Goofy.

02:25:21.000 They they they had heard all this, it was actually worked in my advantage.

02:25:24.000 They they did all this horrible, dirty stuff that the the the crowd was kind of like, let's get Keratop, and I came up and I was like, you know, I did my exact thing I was supposed to do.

02:25:34.000 Silly goofy, you know, for but both sides, they loved it.

02:25:37.000 But the weirdest thing, I'd love to ask him that because you say, you know, hey, and it goes, hey, hey, hey, hey, four times as a backslap, whatever they call that.

02:25:49.000 Oh, echo?

02:25:50.000 Yeah.

02:25:50.000 So I didn't in in sound check, it wasn't doing that.

02:25:54.000 So I went out and I said, I said, uh something like, you know, Florida.

02:25:57.000 I'm from Florida.

02:25:58.000 I was like, oh, Florida, my hometown.

02:26:00.000 I said, Florida, my hometown, Florida, my hometown.

02:26:02.000 And I went, oh sh like in my head, I I didn't know what I was gonna do in that split second.

02:26:02.000 Oh no.

02:26:08.000 And I said, um, I said, Wow, wow, wow.

02:26:12.000 One thing cool about playing in the stadium, stadium, stadium, every time every joke that's gonna bomb is gonna bomb four times, four times, four times.

02:26:20.000 And the crowd went like crazy.

02:26:21.000 And I said, No, seriously, that ate shit, a shit.

02:26:24.000 And it just worked off that echo was great.

02:26:26.000 Well, you figured out how to work with it.

02:26:27.000 Right, right, right.

02:26:28.000 In a split second.

02:26:29.000 I'm like, yeah.

02:26:30.000 That's the way to do it.

02:26:31.000 Suck, suck, for example.

02:26:32.000 God, imagine not just ignoring the fact that you hear yourself four times.

02:26:36.000 No, I know, and you have to time out your right.

02:26:38.000 It was the weirdest thing ever.

02:26:40.000 You're holding up a thing and you're like, it's a thing with the thing and thing you have to hold it longer till they see it to put it down.

02:26:47.000 It's weird.

02:26:48.000 I remember when uh I used to work at Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts.

02:26:52.000 It was like uh like a concert venue.

02:26:55.000 And uh I was there when uh Bill Cosby was there.

02:26:59.000 And the the problem with comedy in that place is that it was outdoors, so the inside of it was all covered.

02:27:07.000 Like there was like an inside space.

02:27:10.000 It was open air, right?

02:27:11.000 There was a roof over it and it was all covered, and then there was a lawn area and the meadowbrook kind of thing.

02:27:16.000 And they sold tickets for the lawn, but you could only hear the show inside the the roofed area.

02:27:23.000 Because once it got out, all the echo fucked it up so bad when it made it out into the lawn.

02:27:28.000 You couldn't understand what the fuck anybody said.

02:27:30.000 You had to be in there where the speakers were.

02:27:32.000 And so everybody was furious.

02:27:34.000 They were all complaining, like, oh, they never checked.

02:27:36.000 Like no one checked to see if you could hear someone talk outside.

02:27:39.000 That's crazy.

02:27:40.000 Crazy.

02:27:42.000 These kids today.

02:27:43.000 Yeah, no one knew what he was saying.

02:27:44.000 Yeah.

02:27:45.000 Dennis coming there.

02:27:47.000 I saw Dangerfield there.

02:27:48.000 He was backstage.

02:27:49.000 So backstage when Dangerfield would do shows.

02:27:52.000 He would get high as fuck.

02:27:53.000 He would take off all of his clothes.

02:27:54.000 And he would put a robe on.

02:27:56.000 That's where you go on stage with a bathrobe on, just raw dick and a bathrobe.

02:28:01.000 And with slippers on.

02:28:03.000 And dude, he fucking murdered.

02:28:06.000 I was, I guess I was like 19 years old when I was working there.

02:28:10.000 And he went up there and I was I was not even thinking about doing stand-up comedy yet.

02:28:14.000 So I was just loving it, just as a pure fan.

02:28:17.000 I was like, I can't believe Roddy J. And that's hanging out with a bathroom on the street.

02:28:23.000 Even Vegas he'd go around the casino in his robe and slipper his neck.

02:28:26.000 I saw something.

02:28:27.000 I didn't see his dick, but I saw him in a bathrobe and I saw him go on stage in the bathrobe.

02:28:32.000 And that was his move.

02:28:33.000 No, I no, uh he did he I saw it.

02:28:35.000 He he's he walked up uh in his dress room on purpose with it on done.

02:28:41.000 I swear to God.

02:28:42.000 I said, I said, hey, I said, Rodney.

02:28:44.000 He's like, Yeah, it's my mom.

02:28:45.000 He goes, Hey mom.

02:28:46.000 And he just stands there.

02:28:48.000 My mom's like crazy, right?

02:28:48.000 Yeah.

02:28:52.000 And he meant to.

02:28:52.000 He meant to he was like looked at me like, how's mom doing?

02:28:55.000 I'm like, great.

02:28:56.000 And she's like, you're your thing is hanging.

02:28:58.000 In our dressing room at the club, his wife uh donated his notes from an appearance on the night show.

02:29:04.000 So it's his handwritten notes and they're all framed with a with a photo.

02:29:08.000 Rodney.

02:29:09.000 It's pretty cool.

02:29:09.000 Yeah.

02:29:10.000 He would I one of the things I loved about him, man, is that he uh introduced the world to a lot of other great comics.

02:29:17.000 He introduced the world to Kinnison, Hicks, right?

02:29:21.000 Robert Schimmel, Dom Myrera, Jerry Seinfeld, like a lot of comics did a lot of comics did those HBO young comedian specials.

02:29:31.000 Well, that's what you're doing as well.

02:29:33.000 And Tony is doing that because you give all the comics time on your show, which most shows don't have that anymore, right?

02:29:40.000 No, a lot of the comics do.

02:29:42.000 A lot of shows don't.

02:29:44.000 But comics that have podcasts all do this.

02:29:46.000 But I mean but you but you made a lot of people uh have podcasts now.

02:29:46.000 Right.

02:29:50.000 You you're powerful person behind.

02:29:53.000 I think people were gonna have podcasts where I can't.

02:29:56.000 Like fucking I'm on oh, you got me on here.

02:29:58.000 But you know, I th the other shows like the late night shows don't have comics anymore.

02:30:03.000 They don't.

02:30:04.000 Well that's silly.

02:30:05.000 But also they're just hampered anyway.

02:30:09.000 Because it's all it the whole show was uh it's not uh not to knock late night shows because some of them are fun to watch, but w it's basically it's publicity for a bunch of stuff, right?

02:30:19.000 It's like someone's coming on to promote an album, someone's coming on to promote a movie.

02:30:22.000 Nothing wrong with that, right?

02:30:24.000 But the problem is it's not what the host is interested in, right?

02:30:27.000 And to I think the the way that those shows are, you're handicapped in a way.

02:30:33.000 Well, you have to get on the famous people, you have to get on the rock star, you have to you can't just have weird people come on.

02:30:38.000 You can't have some guy who work for the CIA come on tell you about a aliens.

02:30:42.000 This is what I know so far.

02:30:43.000 But that would be the whatever guest, like the third middle guy.

02:30:46.000 You can do that though.

02:30:47.000 You can't do it.

02:30:48.000 You first of all, you only have ten minutes.

02:30:50.000 Each guest is like in and out real quick.

02:30:52.000 You have barely enough time to scratch a surface of like one or two stories.

02:30:55.000 You don't get it you don't get a big thing.

02:30:56.000 Well, I guess I guess what I used to do it, I used to I do it.

02:30:59.000 Uh I did it, I don't know how many times I did the tonight, but they it was always I never was promoting anything.

02:31:04.000 In fact, the only time I had something to actually promote, they didn't wouldn't put me on.

02:31:07.000 I said, I'm trying to promote chairman of the board, this movie, and they're like, That's hilarious.

02:31:11.000 Yeah.

02:31:12.000 The one time you wanted out.

02:31:13.000 I really did.

02:31:14.000 I have this this movie coming out.

02:31:14.000 No, I did.

02:31:16.000 Yeah, I remember that movie.

02:31:17.000 They're like, nah, I'm like, I'm I got a movie, Jay.

02:31:17.000 Yeah.

02:31:20.000 I gotta, you know, I got I'm in a movie.

02:31:22.000 Now the weirdest one, I'm gonna ask you, I was gonna reverse this to you.

02:31:26.000 If ca uh who's the strangest you said strange guest, maybe think of this, that you've had to do in front of uh I'll tell you mine real quick.

02:31:35.000 So I I was on the tonight show and Dick Cheney was on.

02:31:38.000 Oh and I mean I've nothing against I mean it's just it's a king.

02:31:45.000 Well, I had five maybe six props.

02:31:49.000 Dick Cheney props on purpose, right? 'Cause Dick Cheney was there.

02:31:53.000 I I had like three just because I'm topical all the time in the show.

02:31:53.000 No.

02:31:56.000 So I'd have I already have them in my show, but then when they said Dick, you're gonna be on with Dick Cheney, I said, Oh shit, can I do and so I started writing more.

02:32:05.000 So I had like six, and I opened with him, right?

02:32:08.000 So but the weird part was I get there and we're rehearsal at a secret service, everybody's there that you know I can't I can't get to my own room.

02:32:14.000 Princess guys that you can't go by again.

02:32:16.000 No.

02:32:17.000 So I I I finally rehearsed it and they're like the people are like, you know, he's gonna be a guest.

02:32:24.000 I said, Well, no, it's just why I'm doing it, right?

02:32:26.000 And they're like, Jay's like, you know, I I don't know.

02:32:29.000 I said, Well uh you know, it's very topical.

02:32:34.000 It's it's and I think it's funny that he's there, right?

02:32:38.000 So Jay come this is right for the show.

02:32:40.000 He said, Um, uh is he gonna stay or is he gonna leave?

02:32:43.000 Because he could sort of just surrounding me like gonna go grab him and go.

02:32:47.000 And Jay's like, well, I I don't know.

02:32:48.000 Well, what I mean, I can ask him, and I'm thinking, Well just between you and me, I mean this is like behind the curtain.

02:32:56.000 Right.

02:32:57.000 What do what do you think?

02:32:58.000 Is it better if he's there and I do it and they keep cutting over to him, or if he's gone and I do it and I keep looking like, thank God he's gone.

02:33:06.000 And he's like I don't know.

02:33:06.000 What's funnier?

02:33:08.000 I mean, I I if you're fine.

02:33:10.000 I said, I think it if he could stay, it would be better.

02:33:16.000 So they said, okay.

02:33:17.000 So they go back, he talks against the back.

02:33:18.000 He says, Okay, he's he thing.

02:33:20.000 So he goes back to the desk and they're laden, please welcome me in a phone.

02:33:23.000 The thing top.

02:33:25.000 And he came out.

02:33:26.000 Yeah.

02:33:27.000 Good friend of the though.

02:33:29.000 Wacky guy from Vangus.

02:33:31.000 And so I walk out and I go right off.

02:33:33.000 I get I said I look over, I said, hey.

02:33:36.000 I had funny that you're here.

02:33:38.000 And I I pull out probably can find this.

02:33:41.000 We pull it out and I have a Dick Cheney gun and it's a it's a rifle with a the the thing goes this way because he shot the guy in the head.

02:33:48.000 And I mean it's already like, holy fuck, right?

02:33:50.000 And they look like I found your gun.

02:33:52.000 Oh, sorry, Bill.

02:33:54.000 And it's like it didn't the crowd didn't know at first because they're all looking at him.

02:33:58.000 They're looking at him.

02:34:00.000 Didn't you?

02:34:00.000 And he you got that, you know.

02:34:03.000 Just pissed, right?

02:34:05.000 So I I I go, right?

02:34:09.000 I do another one.

02:34:09.000 I had an operation game, you know, the operation.

02:34:12.000 It had his his face on it, because they he's always getting operation.

02:34:16.000 Right.

02:34:16.000 I had a book where the thing it was just like five or six Dick Cheney jokes.

02:34:21.000 Finally I I keep looking over and I'm like, you know, we're good.

02:34:24.000 You're not gonna have me.

02:34:25.000 You're not gonna have me audited or I'm gonna be killed here.

02:34:27.000 And you know, Jay's uh now the crowd's really getting and now the Chenies look at me like, how many more fucking He even says, How many more do we I said I got one more and then we'll move on.

02:34:36.000 So I do one more Cheney joke.

02:34:38.000 Now he's kinda he's kinda laughing, but still kinda like this is aggravating.

02:34:42.000 Then I go and I do um a a piggy bank for gay guys and it's a it's a piggy bank where the slot is in the asshole instead of the top of the thing, right?

02:34:53.000 It's a great prop.

02:34:54.000 Hey, it's a piggy bank for gay guys.

02:34:56.000 Murders.

02:34:57.000 I mean, I did a great great set.

02:34:59.000 I get done, I walk over, I sit down, and there's something going on.

02:35:04.000 Like the the the the there's a ruckus, there's like secret service something going the writers, the producers, and Jay Jay gets up and he le and I'm just sitting there with Dick Cheney, and the lady comes over and she goes, Oh my god, that was that was that was the best set you've ever done.

02:35:18.000 I said, Thank you, Tracy.

02:35:19.000 And she said, Um I look over and said, Thank you for being good sport.

02:35:22.000 Yeah, it was where do you find all this stuff?

02:35:25.000 I said, No, I make it.

02:35:25.000 He thought I'd found it all.

02:35:27.000 No, I I make where do you find all this stuff?

02:35:29.000 I said, I made it.

02:35:30.000 You made that.

02:35:31.000 It's pretty clever.

02:35:33.000 His daughter is there.

02:35:37.000 And apparently all this Dick Cheney jokes were fine.

02:35:41.000 But when I did the gay piggy bank, she lost her mind.

02:35:45.000 Like You can't do that?

02:35:47.000 No, I don't know.

02:35:48.000 I she she uh lost her man like really mad that I did a gay piggy bank joke on the show.

02:35:56.000 Forget I just did five jokes about her father.

02:35:58.000 So the everyone t was taking her out of the studio.

02:36:02.000 She was losing her she was screaming and so they took her out of the studio.

02:36:08.000 It was like, I can't believe that you that that in front of my father and I thought you were making fun of me because I'm doing a Dick Cheney.

02:36:16.000 Yeah, he shot your dad joke.

02:36:18.000 The gay piggy bank is what's set up.

02:36:19.000 It was the gay piggy bank.

02:36:20.000 Is this Liz Cheney?

02:36:22.000 I think.

02:36:22.000 I don't know.

02:36:24.000 How many daughters do you have?

02:36:25.000 I don't know.

02:36:25.000 That's why I think it might have been one of the daughters.

02:36:30.000 One of the daughters, I don't think it was allegedly.

02:36:34.000 Could have been an imposter.

02:36:35.000 It was uh crazy person, pretend to be one of the daughters.

02:36:38.000 Dick Cheney's daughter Liz uh are are both staunchly against Donald Trump despite being Republicans, but why are Liz and Mary once feuding over same-sex marriage?

02:36:49.000 How how are they feuding over that?

02:36:50.000 Let's find out.

02:36:52.000 What's that?

02:36:53.000 I just was trying to address it.

02:36:55.000 When was this?

02:36:56.000 I don't know.

02:36:57.000 I know you're trying to add, but now I'm curious.

02:36:59.000 Like what this article is from a year ago.

02:37:02.000 What?

02:37:03.000 A year ago, someone's upset about same-sex marriage?

02:37:05.000 What are they saying?

02:37:07.000 Uh well, this I mean the election.

02:37:10.000 I had a I had another prop that's what's going on.

02:37:13.000 The election was a year ago, so it wasn't it was how to do with that.

02:37:15.000 That's why they mentioned Donald Trump and that.

02:37:17.000 Well, what is uh what is the same sex marriage dispute between I don't know.

02:37:17.000 Right.

02:37:23.000 Yeah.

02:37:24.000 Some people are still arguing about that until we're not gonna be okay.

02:37:27.000 Okay, and they believe in same sex marriage, The other one doesn't?

02:37:31.000 It'd be funny if it was the other way around.

02:37:36.000 I don't know which one.

02:37:37.000 We don't know I don't know which daughter would be.

02:37:38.000 I don't I don't either.

02:37:39.000 I'm assuming it was probably the one that was gay, maybe then.

02:37:42.000 Maybe it's just two daughters to just hating on each other.

02:37:47.000 I had a I had another one that was kind of strange because uh it was a dumb joke.

02:37:51.000 You maybe think if you said same sex marriage.

02:37:53.000 So right when gay marriage became legal in certain states, it was like four states.

02:37:58.000 I had a big map, a big map that I'd hold up, and I'd say, hey, gay marriage is now legal.

02:38:03.000 Uh and this is a map to to exp show people, and it would have these um right with the states where there were these little penises on springs, whatever.

02:38:11.000 And it was it was so it was just dumb, right?

02:38:15.000 So I rehearse it and i i the cr you know, the crew's fucking going crazy.

02:38:20.000 They're like, ah, sky fucking dildos, and you know, you can't do a dildos on NBC and so lady comes over and she goes, You can't I said, I know.

02:38:29.000 I I d I I mean I think it's silly enough, you know, they're not they're just on springs, and she she's I would always fight with her.

02:38:37.000 She said, No, so I said, if I come up with a different idea without dicks on it, can I do it?

02:38:44.000 She's like, Yeah.

02:38:46.000 So I thought I don't know, I'll do.

02:38:49.000 I'll just I took the springs off and I had the the guys back there at the tonight show print out Ryan Seacrest faces, you know, like four of 'em.

02:38:57.000 Right.

02:38:58.000 And I put 'em where the gay marriages now Ryan Seeker is is a good friend of mine, and everyone was making fun of him, right?

02:39:06.000 Bake back then, oh he's gay, and they freaking not.

02:39:08.000 Clearly, but the joke would be, and it killed, right?

02:39:11.000 It's funny.

02:39:12.000 So I I come back and I go, How about this?

02:39:14.000 And she's like, Oh my God, that's I said, I know him.

02:39:17.000 He's not gonna he he'll he'll probably text me and say, Why would you do that?

02:39:23.000 Jay comes over and goes, Oh, you know, he's really a good friend of mine.

02:39:27.000 I said, No Jay, I said he's a friend of mine too.

02:39:29.000 He's it's funny.

02:39:30.000 It's not it's not anything.

02:39:32.000 He's like, Yeah, if you if you if you if you really if you couldn't just do that, that dude does not seem to do that.

02:39:38.000 No.

02:39:38.000 Is he?

02:39:39.000 And J but Jay was very protective of I said, No, it's he's no, you know, the MB theme, that's my friend uh I don't think it's an eth ethereum.

02:39:39.000 No.

02:39:46.000 I said, Well, yeah.

02:39:47.000 I can put like you want me to put like I said, like dick, you know, Richard Nix at dicks or something.

02:39:53.000 He's like, No, just get rid of it.

02:39:56.000 I said it's funny.

02:39:58.000 Fuck.

02:39:59.000 Yeah, what's fighting over Ryan Crisis is that's the problem with you know, having uh editorial access to someone's act when they're doing a tonight show set.

02:40:07.000 It should be like, no.

02:40:09.000 It should be like, look, if you want fucking the black crows to play, they sing their song, you know what the song is, the you know what the lyrics are, that's fine.

02:40:16.000 But with a comic You can't you can't tell them they can't do something.

02:40:22.000 Well, they have to think they asked nicely, and I of course I I had I had 40 other props, I didn't need to do that.

02:40:27.000 You're even swearing, like what are you doing?

02:40:29.000 You're being silly.

02:40:30.000 It's silly.

02:40:31.000 Like, come on.

02:40:32.000 I did break the law with them once.

02:40:33.000 What'd you do?

02:40:34.000 I I was doing a bill a podium for Bill Clinton.

02:40:37.000 And it it it was the closing bit.

02:40:40.000 And I would do the stupid voice too, like I did not and there was this you know presidential seal on this podium.

02:40:48.000 And it had a true false buzzer button, it would go bing, bang.

02:40:53.000 And it would be it was just so stupid.

02:40:56.000 You know, like I did not have and you hit the button, I did not have I will not raise to e and then you know, I fucked her ding ding ding.

02:41:03.000 Something I forgot the joke now.

02:41:05.000 But the the the closing punch of the whole thing was right after I'm doing the podium, that would kill.

02:41:10.000 I did I could just stop on that.

02:41:12.000 I had a foot pedal where uh Monet Gewinsky's head would come up like a little on a beret.

02:41:17.000 Literally, this is great.

02:41:18.000 It took a hard took engineering to do this.

02:41:20.000 And so I'd go, I did not, and then I hit the foot pedal and the the woman, the beret would come up and I'd go, not now.

02:41:28.000 It's just that's all I had just not now.

02:41:31.000 It in the rehearsal, it was just it was the they were like, That's the best thing you've ever brought here.

02:41:37.000 You might and I said, Yeah, great.

02:41:39.000 Here's here comes my lady with her new pad, and I said, No, fuck.

02:41:43.000 She goes, Everything is good.

02:41:46.000 Stan Standardson practice.

02:41:47.000 I said, uh I said, Oh, and I give her a hug.

02:41:50.000 I said, This is the first time I've come and I everything got approved.

02:41:53.000 And she says, Yeah.

02:41:54.000 And I went back to my dressing room, like, I can't believe I get to do that.

02:41:58.000 That's my closing bed, the fucking it's gonna kill.

02:42:01.000 Right before.

02:42:02.000 I'm talking a minute before I come in.

02:42:04.000 She's like, okay, you can do the podium, but you can't you can't put her head down.

02:42:04.000 She walks in.

02:42:11.000 And I said, Why you can't use your hand to force her head down.

02:42:19.000 It can come up.

02:42:20.000 You just can't force it down.

02:42:22.000 I run to the prop department.

02:42:24.000 I said, Is there a way you can because I'd made it.

02:42:27.000 They don't know my they're looking at it like I don't know.

02:42:29.000 I made it.

02:42:30.000 I didn't.

02:42:31.000 Is there a way I can it can release and go down without me touching it?

02:42:34.000 And they're like, I don't know.

02:42:36.000 They looked at it and I'm on in five minutes.

02:42:38.000 I said, fuck it.

02:42:40.000 So I I do the whole thing.

02:42:41.000 I said, I did not.

02:42:43.000 And the head comes up and I said, not now.

02:42:44.000 And I use my elbow to put it down.

02:42:48.000 And of course the crowd, it killed.

02:42:50.000 And I it would have better if I did this, but I said, not now.

02:42:52.000 I get done.

02:42:53.000 I come over and I can see her fucking fuming.

02:42:56.000 She comes running over me.

02:42:57.000 Because they always come and say, What a great set.

02:42:59.000 Oh, you did so good.

02:43:01.000 Tracy Fist did.

02:43:02.000 She said, that was phenomenal.

02:43:04.000 I said, uh I said, I that was Jay's like, I don't think I get that.

02:43:08.000 And I said the stands and practice lady coming over.

02:43:10.000 Ah fuck.

02:43:11.000 And I said, Am I in trouble?

02:43:13.000 She's like I said, I didn't do that.

02:43:22.000 Tomorrow night and then she comes over.

02:43:25.000 Okay.

02:43:25.000 If I get fired over this, I said, you're not gonna get fired over this.

02:43:28.000 Oh no, they've already bleeped it out on the on the West Coast, uh the East Coast, uh it went live.

02:43:33.000 I said, believe at what?

02:43:35.000 You can't force her head.

02:43:37.000 I said, I didn't force it, I didn't use my hand, I used my elbow.

02:43:40.000 She just looked at me like, you fucking like so clever.

02:43:43.000 I said, Well, you said don't use my hand.

02:43:46.000 So everything was fine after that.

02:43:48.000 But it did get bleeped out and the and uh the it just it went, you know, fucked the joke up because they went, I did not, and then you know the Western right to just good night.

02:43:57.000 Like it wasn't a punchline.

02:44:01.000 Yeah.

02:44:02.000 Well you ever get in trouble for something?

02:44:05.000 Not like that, no.

02:44:06.000 Well that this is when I got in trouble.

02:44:07.000 I got banned from Fox uh I think for life uh for this.

02:44:12.000 And this is for something else?

02:44:14.000 This is really weird, yeah.

02:44:15.000 I was in the country no Billboard Music Awards, and they asked me to do uh a little bit with Chris Rock.

02:44:22.000 It was Chris Rock and me, and he he he you know it's it was such great together because he's like, you know, top, you know, and then I'm out there stupid, and but Chris Rock is you know.

02:44:33.000 So he and I go out, we do our rehearsal, and I had like four props or something.

02:44:39.000 And the guy came over like in a panic, right middle of the show.

02:44:43.000 It's already happened, or our bit's coming up in about 40 minutes.

02:44:46.000 He says, I need you guys to go longer.

02:44:49.000 And Chris Rock's like, um, by what I what do you want?

02:44:54.000 He said, just come up with something.

02:44:55.000 And I said, Well, I can go, I can I can have my guy go back to the MGM and grab a few more props.

02:45:01.000 Chris was like, Yeah, perfect.

02:45:01.000 That'd be awesome.

02:45:03.000 You know, we'll kill the time without having to change too much.

02:45:06.000 And I can just pull out more shit.

02:45:09.000 I go and I tell my guy, go get TV clean, get get like this, get the uh the thing, the towel with the misspelled thing, and then they uh one of the seat uh the toilet seats.

02:45:20.000 So I added it was a it was a it was a and it was a great joke.

02:45:26.000 It was a toilet seat with a seatbelt, so when you eat a taco bell, right?

02:45:29.000 You sit on it and I put it on and I'd uh and the sound uh sound effect in the show would say, Houston, we have a problem, and it would it's a great stupid little bit.

02:45:37.000 But there's about 20 toilet seats leading up to that one.

02:45:40.000 I was like, I'm not kidding.

02:45:42.000 Like 30 toilet seats.

02:45:44.000 And one that held hold women's hair when they throw up.

02:45:46.000 I had one that lights up, I had one with spikes on it.

02:45:48.000 It was so many.

02:45:49.000 So the last one was the seatbelt, right?

02:45:51.000 So it it's very clean, right?

02:45:55.000 It does great.

02:45:56.000 We walk back, and I'm thinking they're gonna come high-five me because we just saved the show.

02:46:00.000 We added it, you know, we added time they needed.

02:46:03.000 The guy's like they they they banned me because I said Taco Bell because it was sponsored by Taco Bell.

02:46:14.000 How the fuck am I supposed to know it's sponsored by Taco Bell?

02:46:18.000 That's real shit.

02:46:19.000 Yeah.

02:46:22.000 I'm like, I didn't say fuck.

02:46:23.000 They said, no, you said Taco Bell.

02:46:24.000 I'm like, Oh my god, how do I get fined for that?

02:46:27.000 You're banned for life.

02:46:29.000 That's hilarious, dude.

02:46:30.000 Because I said Taco Bell.

02:46:31.000 I didn't know.

02:46:32.000 I mean, I'm not the guy.

02:46:33.000 They should have come to me and said, Don't do anything with Taco Bell.

02:46:37.000 100%.

02:46:38.000 That's not on you.

02:46:39.000 No.

02:46:39.000 That's a normal reference for a college.

02:46:41.000 No.

02:46:42.000 That's funny.

02:46:42.000 Yeah.

02:46:43.000 Not funny, really.

02:46:44.000 I mean, funny now.

02:46:45.000 They would have been pumped if you said Del Taco.

02:46:48.000 Yeah.

02:46:48.000 All right.

02:46:50.000 See, if they told me that, I would.

02:46:53.000 Yeah.

02:46:54.000 Easy.

02:46:55.000 Hey, brother, this was a lot of fun.

02:46:57.000 Thank you for doing this again.

02:46:58.000 It was a lot of fun.

02:46:59.000 And I'm looking forward to seeing you on Kiltony.

02:47:01.000 And anybody wants to check him out.

02:47:02.000 Caratop is at the Luxor in Las Vegas, Nevada on a regular basis.

02:47:07.000 What's the best way to find out when just text me, yeah.

02:47:10.000 Yeah.

02:47:11.000 Uh yeah, there's a Las Vegas.

02:47:12.000 I mean uh Caratop.com or uh Las Vegas.

02:47:15.000 Uh beautiful.

02:47:16.000 All right, my man.

02:47:17.000 Thank you.

02:47:18.000 Thank you.

02:47:18.000 It was a lot of fun.

02:47:19.000 That was it.

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 10, 2025

Joe Rogan Experience #2377 - Carrot Top

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