Comedian Joe Rogan joins Jemele to discuss his early days in comedy, how he got into stand-up comedy, and the time he was kicked out of a comedy club. Plus, a story about a woman who had a big ass.
00:00:17.000No, he's very sweet, but it was like, like when they tell you the story of it, it was he was like at a comedy club once and like somebody in the audience made fun of him.
00:00:25.000He's like, I'm going to go to a place where no one upsets anybody ever.
00:03:10.000If you've never been to a heavy metal concert, essentially the entire floor splits open, and it's just two, like on both two walls of people just staring at each other, just ready.
00:03:21.000And then when the music drops, they all converge and just like kill each other.
00:05:06.000What is funny the difference in like what like people that are like hardcore metal people would think of a band like corn or disturbed or bands like that where it's like those are the mosh pits more that I've been around in my life where there's almost like a the guy on stage is even making it soft.
00:05:35.000I went to a small show at the old knitting factory in Manhattan for a band.
00:05:39.000I forget what they were called, but it was like they stopped the show because the mosh pit, I was like watching from above, but the mosh pit was like punch kick.
00:05:50.000Hardcore shows are, it's like fist fighting.
00:05:52.000If you're a crazy person and you know how to fight and you just decide to go into a mosh pit because you could just start tuning up on people.
00:05:59.000I don't think you're, so here's what happens.
00:06:01.000There's videos that go viral all the time.
00:06:03.000Like if there are guys that do that, they just try to hit people, those guys will typically get jumped by everybody in the mosh pit because you're supposed to be punching and kicking, but you're not supposed to be actually targeting somebody with it.
00:06:18.000There'll be guys that are being dickheads in the mosh pit, and then everyone will beat the shit out of them because they're not being violent the right way.
00:06:25.000Oh, I got to tell you, it was maybe the funniest.
00:06:36.000It was two times ago that we saw them at that Madison Square Garden.
00:06:39.000Pantera's love you were just Lewis was just having again some other I'll always call Lewis to go to a few He doesn't go to a lot of concerts with me, but like the nostalgic ones that'll hit him, he'll go to sometimes.
00:06:50.000So Pantera, who always want to bring his sister, and we go, and he goes, he's in a good mood.
00:06:55.000He's feeling good, and we're in our 40s, so he's not looking to really get in the mosh pit.
00:06:58.000The other thing about now, like, and it's a generational thing, like Pantera, when I first saw Pantera Live, OzFest 97, Giant Stadium, the entire floor became a mosh pit.
00:09:10.000My ex-wife, on one of our earliest dates, I took her to OzFest lawn seats.
00:09:15.000I was pretty proud I got them for free.
00:09:17.000And we were in the middle lawn for Slipknot doing Spit It Out and got stuck in a thing where they make everybody get on the ground and you're locked in.
00:09:24.000And then again, the whole lawn turns into a crazy mosh film.
00:09:27.000And if you're not a metalhead, she's like a normal chick.
00:09:42.000It's a pretty exhilarating moment for her.
00:09:44.000But when we went to see Pantera at the garden, we were right near the mosh pit.
00:09:49.000And these two guys, like these two Mexican guys and two white guys, like middle-aged white guys, started getting into it and really like fighting.
00:10:23.000And then, I don't know, we could see, like, even though these guys got separated, you can see the Latino guys are fucking, they're plotting.
00:11:08.000Lewis came back with a real sense of like, I did something good there.
00:11:11.000But those guys never stopped glaring at each other the whole time.
00:11:14.000They didn't kill each other in the parking lot afterwards.
00:11:16.000And then the guy comes over to Lewis, but towards the end of the thing, or maybe it was to me he just did it, but like he came over and I was like, are you guys all good?
00:11:24.000And he goes, what the fuck was that, man?
00:11:26.000He's like, those guys fucking started shit with us and then your friend made a shake hands with them.
00:11:33.000There was no beef squash whatsoever, Lewis.
00:11:36.000But just the fact he went over there and he made them shake hands.
00:11:39.000But at least even if you just make someone shake hands, it de-escalates a little bit.
00:11:44.000It definitely de-escalates more than there's no out.
00:11:47.000Because the problem with guys is when they don't feel like they have an out with dignity, they just keep talking shit and then they get themselves into a problem.
00:11:53.000There's an ego thing that happens where you're like, well, there has to be an end to this story.
00:12:09.000The problem we're having now, especially if we go to these metal shows, is Lewis had a gripe with a guy at a concert two concerts ago we went to.
00:16:53.000You help me if you get it back of a hammer.
00:16:55.000It was like a completely different kind of comedy.
00:16:57.000The thing about homosexual necrophiliacs paying money to be with the freshest male customers, you know, going to the mortuaries and paying money.
00:17:08.000The bit about the starving kids in Africa, like, holy shit, man.
00:17:13.000But it only lasted for a short window.
00:17:16.000And then the stuff after that, he was partying so much.
00:17:20.000The material was not anywhere near as good.
00:17:23.000It was all like the points weren't interesting.
00:17:26.000But do you think he had it in him to evolve?
00:17:28.000He would have had to fucking clean his act up, I think.
00:17:31.000I think what you're seeing is a guy, first of all, who develops his act over like 10 years before he gets, before he makes it.
00:17:37.000And when he makes it, he's fucking good.
00:17:40.000I mean, he's like one of the best ever.
00:17:43.000And then he has to come up with a whole new act in a year, but he's just doing Coke and he's partying and he's hanging out with Pon Jovi.
00:17:50.000Well, that's like what it is like with everybody.
00:17:52.000It's like everyone does their first album or special and it's like a collection of everything for a decade or 15 years.
00:17:58.000And then it's like you're supposed to reproduce that every year or two after that.
00:18:02.000Like Bill Burr and Louis C.K. sort of created this standard of putting out a brand new hour every year or two, which is like ginger assholes.
00:19:25.000I remember when I did my last material special, Dog Belly, it was like, man, really wish we could have gotten that seven o'clock show on Friday in Buffalo.
00:23:41.000But again, almost like what you're saying, though, to me, it's like, I'm not saying that I wouldn't be nervous to I would be very nervous doing that.
00:23:46.000And that would be kind of the fun of it.
00:25:42.000Like people believe that it's real, that there's this coalition of men trying to convert young boys into the evil ways of being a man, the Manosphere.
00:25:53.000I think that's the same thing as the Rogansphere.
00:26:37.000I pulled myself out of that thing because I was like, this isn't my, like, getting a Maxim magazine, like, hometown chicks in their bikinis.
00:26:44.000I'm like, these girls would never talk to me.
00:26:46.000I just have too much self-loathing to be into it.
00:27:10.000But I always believe when I was young, when I was young going through my dad's, I found my dad's porn collection, and there was a couple of weirdies in there, like a couple of trans or like local personal ads.
00:27:23.000And then as I got older and started buying the three packs, I was like, let's just believe that was the third one.
00:30:31.000The first time I, because I moved to New York City when I was 19, and you didn't really experience homosexuality until you're in a big city like that.
00:30:37.000And the first time I saw two guys like kissing, it looked like aliens.
00:32:20.000We'll be right back after these messages.
00:32:22.000Porn, I still watch porn here and there, but it's just gotten to the point where just every time I watch it and I start jerking off, I feel like this sense of like, like almost like if somebody was watching Marina, how pathetic this would look.
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00:37:54.000So I think as the technology goes on and as we're autistic, as we're doing more and more AI content, people are going to get used to it and that's what they're going to be used to consuming.
00:38:40.000It looks better than the original Star Wars footage, right?
00:38:43.000Because that stuff wasn't in HD back then.
00:38:45.000And it looks exactly like young Luke Skywalker and in the exact same voice because they just take the voice from Luke Skywalker from the movies, regenerate it, and it could say anything you wanted to.
00:38:56.000It's better than like animated stuff, but I've never even been able to follow when they do animated versions.
00:39:01.000I think there's like an animated Predator movie coming out that I'll never watch.
00:39:35.000But if you make something that actually looks like a dragon, it's going to be, even if it's darker and even if it's not as clear, it's going to be way more effective.
00:40:28.000And there's something about the way it moves that it looks like a real thing.
00:40:32.000But then if you get to, like, later movies, not necessarily even in the alien genre, but any genre where you have, like, CGI monsters running around.
00:40:42.000Like, you know, the underworld series, like the werewolves were, like, CGI.
00:40:53.000I think they had to use better like cinematography and tricks and sound.
00:40:57.000They had to literally be perfect on everything in order to bring it to life.
00:41:00.000Whereas now you can just computer generate anything.
00:41:03.000They also like hid stuff and it made it scary.
00:41:06.000Like the American Werewolf in London, one of the scariest things about it is you don't see the full werewolf for longer than like a second at a time ever.
00:41:15.000You just see it right before it's attacking people.
00:41:17.000You see it right when it's at the bottom of the escalator.
00:41:20.000You don't get a lot of view until late in the movie.
00:41:22.000I think in Jaws, right, they don't show the shark until the end, like the very end of the movie.
00:41:44.000He's the zombie that comes out of the mausoleum.
00:41:46.000The shark and Jaws is a total of about four minutes of screen time with the first full appearance not occurring until one hour and 21 minutes into the film.
00:42:22.000Jamie, if you could bring up Michael Jackson filming the audio while he's in like werewolf makeup of changing and they want to like scream.
00:42:31.000You know, he's growling because it's like the pain of changing into a werewolf.
00:42:34.000And they just keep going back and forth.
00:42:36.000He's not officially a werewolf, right?
00:42:38.000It was like the official statement from the directionality.
00:42:40.000Yeah, he's like a were cat or something.
00:42:42.000So whatever he's doing while he's changing, they keep bouncing back from the sound booth to the actual video where it's like he's changing, like, oh!
00:42:51.000And then in the booth, he's going, ow!
00:48:56.000This is why I'm saying, you know, the doctor that went to jail for providing him with that propofol, that doctor said that he was chemically castrated when he was young, which is why he kept that voice.
00:49:10.000Which also kind of makes sense when you look at his physique, right?
00:50:00.000She's like, if you watch interviews with her now, she is going to be a wackadoodle Michael Jackson Britney Spears type in the future, guaranteed.
00:50:06.000She's like all like, she talks like a fairy.
00:50:54.000But she, there was a, so the playbill for the movie or the show on Broadway is a silhouette of the Wicked Witch and I guess Glenda like whispering in the ear, but like really covering the face, her own face.
00:51:10.000In the movie poster, it's clearly Ariana Grande whispering in the ear of the lady who plays Nose Ring Baldhead.
00:51:19.000And then a lady made a mock-up of the movie poster as the playbill.
00:51:24.000So like shadowed out the witch and moved Ariana Grande's hand to cover the face.
00:51:30.000And it got all this backlash because that lady was like, I'm a proud black woman.
00:52:14.000And if you want that talented, you're going to get kooky.
00:52:17.000And if you give Kookie the reins to, you know, to do those kooky interviews where they're talking about holding space and like let her.
00:52:24.000Well, that was kind of like we grew up at a time where it's like you'd hear about like a director like coming in and like assaulting an actress in order to get the scene out of her.
00:52:32.000Like he's just trying to punch her in the face.
00:53:50.000But yeah, he smacked the shit out of her for real in that scene.
00:53:53.000There was a scene where I don't know what movie it was, but it was a little kid who's crying on a porch, and the director told the kid that their parents were dead or something.
00:54:02.000Maybe they told them that their pet was dead or whatever to get the kid crying.
00:54:05.000But it's like, that was great movie making.
00:55:05.000I'm trying to think of the most contemporary I could think of change and seeing somebody go from like couldn't do no wrong, gorgeous, to like a lady now as Pam Anderson.
00:56:00.000Well, I think if you, the thing is, if you're a woman and you, a lot of like the value that you bring to a conversation is that you're unbelievably beautiful.
00:56:11.000Like people are excited to talk to you.
00:56:14.000And then whatever else you have to say is just a bonus on top of it.
00:56:17.000But if you're really hot, people just want to talk to you.
00:56:20.000And then you get to a point in your life where that just stops.
00:56:24.000So like your life's focus has been about being attractive, looking great, you know, being really fit, looking hot.
00:56:30.000So you walk in the room, oh my God, look at her.
01:00:44.000Oh, you get all these things now for like because women have had like spanks forever and like just body shaping like things to wear under their clothes.
01:00:51.000And they'll like they'll advertise them for dudes.
01:00:54.000I don't know if I could wear like spanks to suck in my body.
01:00:58.000I cannot possibly dream of a situation taking my clothes off in front of a woman and her having to watch me like spill out of a shirt on like with every like inch I take off like things just like start expanding.
01:01:14.000And there's a few things that I've gotten to help with my posture.
01:01:16.000One of them is like a thing that you stick to your back and if you lean down a little bit it buzzes and you correct yourself like it like it vibrates.
01:04:32.000When I had hair, it was like kind of nappy and kinky and fucking, yeah, it wasn't good.
01:04:36.000you'd like to try again though I mean just for the story and the hilarity of growing my hair back look how hilariously handsome I look No, look, it's a bit.
01:06:18.000How much time did you give yourself to grow something long enough where you could actually use it as a weapon rather than just scrape across your forehead?
01:10:54.000It takes place in Missouri, where I believe this could happen.
01:10:58.000A weird old man can take over the town with a monster truck and serve up his own brand to justice until you get Patrick Swayze to come to town and be the bouncer for the whole neighborhood.
01:11:23.000And the big bad man is offering this lady triple market value to buy her shanty shithole bar because they're building a resort and offered her the property a mile down the road.
01:13:43.000It's so funny because it's rare in street fights that you see people throw kicks, but when you see somebody throw an actual spinning kick in a street fight, it's the coolest thing ever.
01:17:04.000So there's no ego once you actually go and train.
01:17:08.000But yeah, I mean, the amount of people that like that know how to fight, just typically there's just nothing to prove.
01:17:15.000Like when I was before I ever trained anything at all, it was like in my mind, I was like, I had to be tough and I had to go prove that I was the toughest guy.
01:17:22.000If I was in a bar, I'd be like, dude, I could beat up anybody in this bar.
01:19:39.000If you're mad because a communist won or is going to win as the mayor of New York City, well, clearly you didn't do your job opposing side.
01:20:58.000Because I moved up to New York right after 9-11 because it was taking too long to drive there.
01:21:02.000Because the way they shut down, like, the tunnels and everything.
01:21:04.000So, like, uh, that's the time that I fucking moved.
01:21:08.000And it really was like a, uh, fucking, not like a scary place at the time, but it definitely, like, uh, you know, Giuliani was divisive to people.
01:21:16.000And then it was just, this guy's the best.
01:22:35.000Dude, that was now that's gonna be at Papa John's.
01:22:37.000Right when I moved to New York City, it was night days before 9-11, a week before 9-11.
01:22:40.000I started going to school in New York City, and I used to get off the bus at Port Authority.
01:22:45.000And there was all of those, it wasn't even like peep shows, it was just essentially porn at a booth.
01:22:51.000You'd go in a booth, you put the buttons like five buttons, yeah, just five pornos, sticky buttons.
01:22:57.000Dude, I used to go in and I used to just jerk off that's crazy in these books, no, all the time, dude.
01:23:02.000And I know a lot of people do this, but uh, I you'd put a dollar in and then you'd get like three minutes, and you'd have to like click through.
01:23:08.000And just like you, you're clicking through porn now, you'd have to find the porn you want it to finish to put another dollar.
01:23:13.000Did you lean your back against the wall?
01:23:15.000I sat down one time, and I remember it was the seat was wet.
01:23:17.000The seat was wet one time, and I sat on it, and I convinced myself that my asshole sucked AIDS into my body.
01:23:28.000I had a friend of mine used to, he used to be a crack addict, and he used to go to those places, and he would smoke crack and just jack off in the mall.
01:23:36.000He said he'd be in there for hours, and I was like, What the fuck?
01:23:53.000Uh, I'm sorry, what was that show again?
01:23:56.000It was uh, Channel 5 with Andrew Callahan, Andrew Callahan, Channel 5.
01:23:59.000He did an interview with Biden, and Biden gives like a soliloquy about the virtues of crack, like how much he loved crack, and like what the crack experience is like.
01:24:10.000It's so good, like he's talking, but he's so articulate, it makes you want to try crack.
01:24:15.000And then Charlie Sheen told me the first time he tried smoking crack at all.
01:28:02.000And then I go, all right, well, if you're going to do it to somebody, dare I say Ari's the person who deserves that to happen to him the most.
01:28:08.000So I'm like, all right, well, it's Ari at least.
01:28:11.000And then they go, so what we're laughing at is look at Ari.
01:28:14.000So I finally look over at Ari and he is like, you know, like licking the microphone and like doing all that stuff.
01:31:47.000When someone gets off drugs, but they don't talk about it with like just the, I'm told to call it evil and say it was evil and have some like fun reflection on it.
01:31:55.000I think they're more prepared to stop for real.
01:33:21.000Like, they're just using gasoline, just pouring gasoline on these coca leaves, and they're making this.
01:33:27.000It's like, this is completely unregulated.
01:33:30.000This all could be done in a pharmaceutical drug studio where they have like laboratories and everybody's wearing hazmat suits and shit and they make perfect cocaine.
01:33:42.000That's like a long way to go for you guys to be able to dance like black people aren't watching.
01:33:45.000In the U.S., there is no widespread reports of commercial coca cultivation, but the plant thrives best in conditions similar to those found in the Andean regions of South America, generally between 1,650 to 6,000 feet elevation with warm temperatures and abundant rainfall.
01:34:02.000Yeah, so it's not a good plant for America.
01:34:51.000The strength of it would be a concern.
01:34:52.000But I think there's also something to, I don't know, I've gone back and forth on that.
01:34:55.000I think it's when I had my daughter was like a teenager more, I was thinking when they talk about that, like just legalize every drug, which I hear the argument for too.
01:35:02.000That's why I said I really don't know where I fall.
01:35:04.000But like, I also have a feeling like when I was younger, I could have been got, someone could have got me to try heroin as a teenager by simply laying out.
01:37:46.000It's so funny that potheads love getting each other high because back in the day, you'd literally just find somebody that looked like they liked weed.
01:38:12.000The great mosh pit injury of 2011 first EP.
01:38:17.000But yeah, if all drugs were accessible, I mean, the illegal, I think, would have drawn me to some things instead and accessible.
01:38:25.000But I'll tell you what's funny too that you don't really have much of it, but you definitely went through phases, I'm sure, in your life, because you started smoking younger than I did even.
01:38:32.000But like as much as I smoke, I consistently have smoked weed since I started smoking, which was 20 some years ago.
01:38:42.000But it is so funny, though, that I still, to this day, don't have the I'm faking it every time somebody comes to me and goes like, oh man, look at that right there.
01:40:12.000So it's like, why should that money be made in an unregulated way where you don't know what you're getting?
01:40:18.000100,000 people are dying every year because of that, right?
01:40:21.000100,000 people are dying of opioid overdoses every year.
01:40:25.000And if that's the case, those 100,000 people, that's just in the United States.
01:40:28.000Those 100,000 people, like how many of them wouldn't die if they weren't getting fentanyl-laced stuff?
01:40:36.000So is it worth 100 million or 100,000 people not dying to get them pure cocaine from a laboratory and sell it to them rather than them get it from the cartel and maybe die?
01:41:00.000The thing is, it's not junkie behavior.
01:41:03.000if it's illegal you're forced to do it in alleyways and shit i think if it's that's what the democrats need to do They need to push legalized drugs and then Medicaid-funded legalized drugs, and then people could just go to CVS and get Coke.
01:41:16.000If somebody said legalized drugs, we're going to lower taxes by 20%.
01:41:20.000I don't care about any of their other policies.
01:41:22.000They're getting my vote every time, period.
01:41:24.000Yeah, legalized drugs is a good one just because you're not supposed to tell me what to do.
01:41:29.000Like, it's not supposed to be one grown adult tells another grown adult what to consume or not to consume, especially when there's a lot of shit that shows it's not dangerous.
01:41:38.000So if you're doing that with a pot, Venezuela allows, so cocaine, Venezuela allows possession of up to two grams for personal use.
01:41:47.000Peru, Colombia, Bolivia, Ecuador, Paraguay, Mexico, and Poland permit legal or decriminalized possession for personal use.
01:42:11.000They're doing one in Texas because of former governor Rick Perry because it helps a lot of soldiers, a lot of cops with PTSD, soldiers at PTSD, like Ibogaine.
01:44:34.000And then one day, just the same way it was unceremoniously that it was legal, they said, oh, we're just fucking arresting everybody.
01:44:40.000And then they shut down every dispensary in New York and they raided all of them.
01:44:44.000They didn't do much arresting, I don't think.
01:44:45.000It was honestly, but they went in because I'd go to the places and like it was like going to your favorite burger shop and finding out it just got robbed violently.
01:44:52.000Like you go in this place and they're just like picking up the pieces of things left behind.
01:46:01.000Like if you're willing to do that, if you're a mayor and you think, that's like when what was the guy that climbed in the tank during he was running for president and they took a photo of him like a photo op and he was in a tank on he looked like such a fucking dork that immediately cracked yes michael dukakis Look at this dork.
01:46:22.000He's like this tiny little guy, and he took this photo with him in a tank, and everybody was like, it's over.
01:48:32.000Also announced today announced that as of yesterday, the task force has conducted inspections of 100% of known shops identified as selling cannabis illegally, and that was part of Operation Padlock to protect Operation Padlock to protect's initial list of illegal shops.
01:48:50.000As a result of Operation's rapid success, the city has seized more than $63 million in illegal product, which has been taking up an outsized amount of space across NYPD's network of evidence warehouses.
01:49:08.000I'm telling you, these shop owners, the two places that I would go, they got shut down, the shop owners came out like arms in the air, like this is crazy.
01:49:16.000They just came in and destroyed everything.
01:51:43.000And the property had in front of the whole place, a gigantic green, like padlocked gate.
01:51:51.000And inside there was two giant fucking pit bulls, these angry dogs that were just in a gate outside.
01:51:57.000And then the house you'd walk into, we were the front first floor, there was second floor, but he was a repo man.
01:52:02.000And so when you come home, anytime of like the reason we had to padlock the whole property was because up on the property, in the front lawn, it would be like McLaren's and fucking these beautiful.
01:55:17.000He was American mass murderer who was tried and convicted in the 1974 killings of his father, mother, two brothers, and two sisters in Amityville, New York.
01:56:13.000DeFeo claiming he had no memory of killing his family, so they mounted affirmative defense of insanity.
01:56:19.000Insanity plea was supported by the psychiatrist for the defense.
01:56:24.000Daniel Schwartz, the psychiatrist for the prosecution, Dr. Harold Zolon, maintained that although DeFeo was a user of heroin and LSD, he had antisocial personality disorder and was aware of his actions at the time of his crime.
01:58:50.000And so then they could chalk stuff off, like that they solved cases.
01:58:54.000And so they'll get a lot of these guys that are basically just fucking losers that are, you know, probably strung out on meth, kill a few people, kill people for thrills in a gas station and stuff.
01:59:04.000Like, kind of like with the movie implied.
01:59:07.000But then you just give them credit for like a hundred deaths.
02:00:45.000And they kind of rallied up these kids and they didn't take it that seriously when they first got arrested for the murder of these two boys.
02:01:06.000Yeah, they go missing and they find them ultimately.
02:01:09.000And they arrest these three kids because the neighborhood was like, oh, those are the kids that are always making bonfires and wearing long coats.
02:04:32.000I'm like, you know, I'm making little zingers and I'm like, I'm going to be out of here in a couple of hours, guys.
02:04:36.000They give you a nickname like, oh, yeah, you smiley.
02:04:38.000The one's like, I killed my stepdaughter.
02:04:40.000That's 80% of the problems in the world.
02:04:43.000If you're in a room where no one wants to laugh about something.
02:04:47.000Well, I've said it's insane the mindset of machismo that carries into prison.
02:04:52.000Where I'm like, if you could just organize, like a good speaker can go into a prison and be like, let's never fight.
02:04:58.000We could have a better than the NFL League of Football in here with all the people and organize shit and get through it much easier than looking over your shoulder.
02:05:07.000Just looking over your shoulder all day and wondering if the beef and the turf wars that's happening in prison are going to be a problem.
02:05:16.000If reality TV is real, I feel like you can organize that and eventually they'll give you dogs to help with therapy dogs, which is pretty great.
02:06:05.000They end up, you go into a system where now you're around violent criminals with a criminal mentality for years and years and years, and they're sort of indoctrinated into that life cycle.
02:06:15.000Like, if you try, if you're a person who goes to jail and really, you know, comes out holding a book, that's all they need now because they figured out, you know, life and they got to do things right and get their kids back.
02:06:26.000I didn't easy fucking path, like getting a job, difficult.
02:06:29.000It's like, how are you going to become like an entrepreneur?
02:06:31.000Is like the best thing you can come up with if you come out of jail?
02:06:33.000Like, no one hires you, no one's like looking at that.
02:06:36.000Like, I know when I worked at the last day job I had, I worked at a gym, and all the personal trainers were hired out of like a prison system.
02:06:44.000Like, when they got out of jail, they learned personal training, and then New York Health and Racket Club hired a bunch of thugs on the floor.
02:08:56.000And then a muscular fucking guy, Jack Guy, goes, oh, mean, if I was out of here, and then before you know it, you're fucking running across Canada.
02:09:04.000There's been a bunch of those waiting for some fat chick who's eventually going to have to come home to her husband and be like, they didn't actually want me.
02:09:28.000I mean, how many women on the TV show?
02:09:31.000Been security guards that helped men escape.
02:09:36.000On that show, Love After Lockup, there's already been at least one thing of like the couple on there, the girl had to quit being a prison guard because she was fucking him.
02:09:52.000And then he came out, of course, and started fucking other people immediately the way he was supposed to because she's the big fat lady who's taking care of all the bills.
02:10:46.000Joyce Mitchell, former prison worker in New York, convicted and sentenced for helping two convicted murderers escape from a maximum security prison in 2015.
02:10:54.000Smuggled tools like hacksaw blades to the inmates was involved in the elaborate escape plan.
02:10:58.000Lynn Barnett, a prison guard in Missouri, helped convict Terry Banks, escaped 1990.
02:11:09.000I promise you, there's not one here who's got a body that's even innocent.
02:11:13.000Let's just pick one from the list of names because which one do you think would be the most likely to be tricked into almost anything by a guy with a big dick?
02:12:58.000The married woman fell in love with a convicted murderer, John Mannard, who was serving a life sentence.
02:13:02.000And in February 2006, she smuggled Mannard out in a dog crate.
02:13:07.000The pair escaped to a cabin in Tennessee where authorities captured them two weeks later in a highway chase after a car driven by Menard hit a tree.
02:13:50.000They got out, and a girl he was writing to while he was in there is this morbidly obese lady who's got facial hair.
02:13:56.000And she would pay for everything, and he would just go live his life until she eventually has to show some semblance of self-confidence and be like, I can't do this anymore.
02:14:08.000But the fact, the stupidity is believing it.
02:14:11.000I've always walked around believing like, I've never been like the, and you know this about me too, because we have such interesting takes.
02:14:18.000I've never been like, I'm going to start hitting on the prettiest girl in the room.
02:14:20.000No, Jay will go for the grossest girl in the room.
02:14:40.000So the fact that like when I watch those shows, she just has no age or shows like that where it's like the 80-year-old guy or, you know, what's the coach of the Patriots, Belichick, the 26-year-old girl.
02:14:51.000I'm like, God bless him for being like, at some point, he has to convince himself that it's not gross to her when he pulls his old flopping weird dick off.
02:14:59.000I think he does convince himself that it's he knows what it is.
02:15:01.000He knows he's a fucking rich 80-year-old man and she's a 26-year-old cheerleader.
02:15:07.000But there's almost like an unspoken thing there where you go like, all right, well, obviously I'm going to take care of you and you're going to suck my dick.
02:15:32.000And when a girl that pretty starts rubbing on your face and then riding on you and giving you a lap dance and kissing you on the lips, like if you're an old dude, like you're retarded, you think you're actually attractive to her.
02:16:17.000What about if you're an 80-year-old dude, you convince yourself that a hot 26-year-old really loves you and that you should fucking marry her and not have a prenup?
02:16:24.000That's you playing the game in a terrible way and getting checkmated.
02:16:28.000Well, then there's somebody like the Anna Nicole Smith thing, though.
02:18:19.000That's probably why he feels confident enough, whether it be not, if it's not looks-wise, to go, well, if she is, that's what I almost said I had to learn where you're like going for the ugliest girl in the room, you know, or the most fuckable girl in the room.
02:18:30.000I have had a little more like, well, I'm not just the sum of like my looks when I walk into a room.
02:18:34.000It's like I will talk and they'll be attracted to that.
02:18:37.000It's like, well, Jay, you're also, you have body dysmorphia, so you still see yourself as being a giant, ugly freak, but you're an attractive dude, dude.
02:19:02.000I think I had a, in the beginning, I almost like would verbalize.
02:19:06.000Like, when I'm, you know, if I get successful and like hot chicks who I know would never have been attracted to me physically are like wanting the fuck, I'm going to be like, nope.
02:19:50.000When it used to be like Woody Allen's age, if Woody Allen got a new 20-year-old wife, I would be like, get the fuck out of here.
02:19:55.000You know, do you think there's not a single hot 20-year-old girl in the world who is so attracted to his talent and so like loves his movies and is like, I'm sure it exists.
02:23:26.000By the way, and then by the time it got to the point, I remember coming to the comedy star one night, they go, they go, Chappelle's come tonight.
02:23:32.000Last night, Dane Cook did six hours, ordered pizza for the audience.
02:23:35.000And you're like, Do you, what are we doing?
02:23:38.000I also, this is maybe silly, but because my ex-wife was a staff at a comedy club, Christine worked at comedy clubs forever.
02:23:47.000Like, I have like, all I thought about when I would see Chappelle show up at the end of the night, and it's like, he's going on at one in the morning, and he's probably going to go on the five in the morning.
02:25:36.000The problem is, if you watch any of these VHSs that we go back to on these, if you go and watch any of these, it's really like no more, it seems like 50 guys who just keep circling back and like they fuck for a little bit, then they go get their dick sucked again by a fluffer and then they jump back in the game.
02:27:20.000Video number six was, which was harder to watch than the baby getting cut in half by the train, was watching Steve-O do the paper cuts in his mouth and in between his fingers.
02:29:40.000And then at the end of it, the athletes go, a lot of people are asking us why we didn't just, you know, we were athletes, like wrestlers and football players.
02:29:46.000Why don't we punch the guy in the face?
02:29:48.000And they say, why are we telling this story now?
02:29:50.000And I still, I watched it all and I go, I agree with both of those things.
02:34:58.000He's pulling white claws out of his backpack.
02:35:00.000And he goes, you know, that P. Diddy audio is true about him fucking Meek Mill.
02:35:03.000It's just like, Usher, you know, remember when we were younger and Usher wasn't able to sit down for a year because he had to have asshole stitching surgery?
02:37:27.000But what if it's just like an alien on their stupid vacation?
02:37:31.000It's like the shittiest of the shitty.
02:37:32.000It's like a white trash trip to pop over here.
02:37:34.000I guarantee you, if they're real, they've already been here for a long time, and they're probably watching and making sure we don't fuck everything up.
02:37:53.000And it seems to be like we're going to produce AI very soon, and we're probably going to get to some place where we're very similar technologically to where they were at one point in their history.
02:38:03.000And that's probably something that happens all throughout the cosmos.
02:38:06.000It's probably a bunch of different steps that a civilization has to go through before it eventually gets technology that allows it to travel another galaxy.
02:38:16.000Human life gets killed off by the machines.
02:39:08.000couldn't take the whole uh it was too much man how about the did you ever hear the guy from the band iron butterfly who like That's the Inagata DeVita band, I believe.
02:39:43.000I'm genuinely nervous that we're going to fucking.
02:39:46.000I was really into AI for like a year, and now I'm like just completely convinced that it is we're 10 years away from everything not mattering anymore.
02:40:36.000AI is downloading so many different versions of how human beings interact with life that the vast majority of it is like bitch behavior because that's what people are doing.
02:41:45.000I might have heard you doing an interview with somebody, but just talking about like, or somewhere else, but it was like the evolution of humankind is going to be AI and artificial intelligence.
02:41:54.000So it's almost like it's just an extension of us, but it's the fit, like the actual organic biological sense of being humans isn't going to be necessary.
02:42:45.000It's not going to be limited by biology.
02:42:47.000Once you develop a life form that's outside of biology, then you can just keep improving the platform that it's on and then give it the ability to figure out how to use different materials and do things and different power sources.
02:44:01.000And then the camera turns around, and now you're looking at sort of like what they were looking at, and you're going outside into this jungle area, and this is all being rendered in real time.
02:44:31.000It's going to be just like every other weird leap.
02:44:34.000You know, like the cell phone, when people figured out electricity, light bulbs, all these different things were just giant leaps where all of a sudden people could be productive deep into the evening.
02:44:44.000You know, when people started figuring out how to stay in cities and where is this plateau, though?
02:45:16.000And when you don't have to worry about biology, you're just, all you have is like material science.
02:45:20.000So you have to figure out the structure, make sure the structure of the thing can withstand crazy G-force, and then you have to have a power supply.
02:45:27.000But you don't have to worry about keeping it personal alive.
02:45:28.000I was going to say, impersonal war, though, makes people probably much more willing to go into it.
02:46:40.000Like, you see, they blow up this bunker they're in, and then like 25, you know, little, you know, orange, hot, you know, the heat fucking radar showing like 20 bodies going over and just hiding in a ditch.
02:47:38.000So this dude, Palmer Lucky, has this new helmet, and this new helmet is connected to these AR goggles.
02:47:45.000The AR goggles have, like, say, this everyone has AR goggles, and then you would have drones, and all the information would sync up to you, and it would show you exactly where the enemy is at every time, including behind walls.
02:47:58.000It shows their silhouette behind like buildings, behind cargo.
02:48:47.000So people are going to be able to see behind walls.
02:48:49.000They're going to be able to see the insides of buildings.
02:48:52.000So nobody's giving up this technology because everyone, every military for every government, it's going to be like, we need the best fucking shit.
02:49:19.000And years ago, he told me about this system with his helmet has crosshairs over his left eye.
02:49:27.000Wherever he looks, the crosshair goes.
02:49:29.000They pressurize something with a gas in the cabin that, like, so wherever he looks, if his left eye has something in his crosshairs, his gun at the bottom of the helicopter has moved to hit that target.
02:51:02.000But the point is that if you're using a video game controller and getting really good at war, of course that would translate to you operating a drone.
02:51:12.000If you're really good at doing this and looking at something on the screen and fucking people up, of course you're going to be really good.
02:51:17.000Once you figure out how the machine works and how you can pilot it and where you can put the crosshairs and how you can fly it around, of course you're going to be good at it.