The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2415

00:00:03.000 The Joe Rogan experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan.

00:00:07.000 Yes, my name.

00:00:09.000 All day.

00:00:14.000 Let's work.

00:00:15.000 Yeah, let's run it back.

00:00:17.000 Part of it was rolling.

00:00:18.000 Adam Ray, my man.

00:00:20.000 Great to see you.

00:00:21.000 Guest of the year, Kill Tony.

00:00:22.000 How's it feel?

00:00:23.000 Feels great.

00:00:24.000 Did you get a belt or anything?

00:00:25.000 Some sort of a cup.

00:00:26.000 I should have.

00:00:27.000 Some sort of a cup, like a Stanley Cup.

00:00:28.000 Tony, always shortchanging the gifts.

00:00:30.000 That motherfucker.

00:00:31.000 That was the last time I saw you, I think.

00:00:33.000 You should get a jacket.

00:00:34.000 That's not a great idea.

00:00:34.000 That's what it should be.

00:00:35.000 That's a great idea.

00:00:36.000 We made these for the end of the Phil, Dr. Phil tour, which, by the way, we have our very last one at the Wilton on December 16th, if anyone was.

00:00:43.000 Have you ever had Dr. Phil on as a guest?

00:00:45.000 Remember for the Netflix special?

00:00:45.000 Yes.

00:00:46.000 That's right.

00:00:47.000 Yeah.

00:00:48.000 Yeah.

00:00:49.000 It was so funny.

00:00:49.000 We were in the green room.

00:00:50.000 I met him like an hour before, and he goes, he goes, no, it's your show, but I'm going to fuck with you.

00:00:56.000 And I'm dressed as him, and I go, well, I know you better than you know yourself, motherfucker, so scrap in.

00:01:01.000 And he was like, oh, shit.

00:01:02.000 And he was dying of laughing.

00:01:04.000 But the last time I saw you, I think I was Tony, right?

00:01:06.000 Right.

00:01:06.000 At the mothership.

00:01:07.000 Yeah, the difference is like doing it on your show when you're doing the Dr. Phil show.

00:01:12.000 Yeah, that's a different thing.

00:01:12.000 Yeah.

00:01:13.000 I felt oddly, you know, the whole show is improvised.

00:01:17.000 So it's a wild thing to do an unscripted show with somebody you have no rapport with.

00:01:22.000 When I've had, and you're doing an impression of him.

00:01:25.000 Totally.

00:01:26.000 So I'm trying to go, I think everything I'm going to do is hunky-dory with him, but like, I don't know if I'm going to press the wrong button.

00:01:34.000 Like, at one point, I think he said something where I go, I go, well, marriage is tough.

00:01:38.000 I go, but we keep it fresh in the bedroom, right?

00:01:40.000 And he goes, okay.

00:01:42.000 Well, you watch yourself.

00:01:43.000 And I go, I was like, we don't use butt plugs.

00:01:47.000 But he was such a, he rolled with everything, man.

00:01:50.000 He was good friends with his son.

00:01:52.000 Jordan?

00:01:53.000 Jay.

00:01:53.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:01:54.000 I've got to know Jordan, who kind of helped facilitate the whole thing.

00:01:54.000 Yeah.

00:01:58.000 He kind of got on his ear and was like, this thing is pretty awesome, and it's making you.

00:02:05.000 Making both of them favorites.

00:02:06.000 Totally.

00:02:07.000 And I'm just glad that, because you never know.

00:02:10.000 Like, I could have two days in gotten a letter that was just like, enough's enough.

00:02:16.000 Easily.

00:02:17.000 I actually ended the Netflix special with showing his signed contract to the camera being like, look, no cease and assist.

00:02:24.000 But, you know, you never know.

00:02:26.000 He's a really good guy.

00:02:27.000 Yeah.

00:02:28.000 And laughing at yourself is such a man.

00:02:32.000 Like, I started talking about this on stage where it's just like the people that I am friends with that like that aren't comics that I'll be in hangs with that like if I bust their balls and they get a little weird about it, it's like, oh man, like you're a bummer, not only for right now in the hang, but just this bleeds into other facets of your life.

00:02:32.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:02:52.000 You got to be being self-deprecating.

00:02:54.000 And, you know, within context, obviously, if someone's just, you know, just making fun of you, you know.

00:02:59.000 Just being mean.

00:03:00.000 Just being mean.

00:03:00.000 There's a difference.

00:03:01.000 There's a difference between me and mean and being funny.

00:03:02.000 Yeah.

00:03:03.000 But like Tony, for example, like doing Tony on Kill Tony.

00:03:06.000 I remember I was in Portland or in Eugene at my buddy's club, Olson Run Comedy Club.

00:03:10.000 Shout out Great Club.

00:03:12.000 And I'm there and I tell the story about how Shane and I, the Biden Trump thing came together.

00:03:18.000 Because a buddy of mine asked me, he's like, you and Shane must have been best friends like 10 years ago.

00:03:22.000 We literally, that was probably the sixth time we've ever talked to each other.

00:03:25.000 So we're getting to know each other in full makeup for two plus hours.

00:03:28.000 That's a weird way to build a fucking friendship.

00:03:31.000 You guys are so good at bouncing off of crowds and off of each other.

00:03:35.000 It was seamless.

00:03:36.000 Right.

00:03:36.000 It was really fun.

00:03:37.000 There's something cool about jumping in the bit boat with somebody that's just like, oh, I just want to make the other person laugh.

00:03:37.000 Yeah.

00:03:42.000 Like, I got comfy because he's Shane.

00:03:44.000 He'd been nice about the Phil stuff, but like, you know, he was definitely established as Shane Gillis.

00:03:49.000 So it's like, and it's Trump and Biden's trying to find, I'm trying to find my ways to be a sniper when he's not known for being funny.

00:03:57.000 But as soon as I got out there and I had the frozen eyes and I was like, and Shane started to break, that made me feel really comfortable when Shane couldn't keep it together.

00:04:04.000 But somebody, this kid in line at the meet and greet goes, you should do Tony on Kill Tony because I tell the story of how Tony was like, Shane's going to do Trump.

00:04:12.000 You got to do Biden.

00:04:13.000 I bought a new vest.

00:04:14.000 It's going down, baby.

00:04:15.000 You know, I do all that.

00:04:16.000 And the guy's like, you should do Tony.

00:04:18.000 And I was like, I kind of scoffed it off.

00:04:20.000 And then I texted him and I said, what would you think about me dressing up as you?

00:04:24.000 And he just texted me back in all caps.

00:04:25.000 Absolutely.

00:04:28.000 It'll be your best character yet.

00:04:32.000 While we're doing this, unfortunately, people can't see anything.

00:04:35.000 So they just see us.

00:04:37.000 Oh, that's right.

00:04:38.000 I want to show.

00:04:39.000 Because it's so crazy how close you get to him.

00:04:39.000 Okay.

00:04:43.000 It's kind of eerie.

00:04:44.000 Like, I didn't see it in you.

00:04:46.000 Your face structure changed.

00:04:48.000 Like, you look like a different person.

00:04:49.000 It was like you had become Tony.

00:04:52.000 Like, you do a weird thing when you do characters.

00:04:54.000 Like, you, you oddly become that person.

00:04:57.000 Like, give me some volume of this.

00:04:59.000 Oh, the beginning.

00:04:59.000 Brand new episode.

00:05:00.000 Yeah.

00:05:00.000 Give it up for Tony.

00:05:01.000 It's good!

00:05:16.000 Who's ready for the best fucking night of their life?

00:05:24.000 Bro, it's like you've got a different face.

00:05:26.000 Yeah, you did something weird.

00:05:28.000 You did something weird.

00:05:29.000 Yeah, they taped my ears back a little bit to push his ears out.

00:05:33.000 And then the teeth are the same.

00:05:35.000 I just got the clothes.

00:05:36.000 The hair.

00:05:37.000 You look oddly like him.

00:05:38.000 Yeah, it's wild.

00:05:39.000 Less like you than him.

00:05:40.000 Yeah.

00:05:41.000 I would think that's more Tony Hinchcliffe doing an Adam Ray impersonation.

00:05:46.000 You know what's the best?

00:05:47.000 Is Woody Harrelson was there that night and comes up to me after and he's like, he's like, man, he's like, that shit was fucking crazy, man.

00:05:57.000 He's like, I don't know what was going on or what you had to do.

00:05:59.000 I was like, I watched the intro a bunch.

00:06:01.000 I've known Tony since we both started.

00:06:03.000 And he goes, you kind of got a little Johnny Depp going on with the thing.

00:06:06.000 So then I started going.

00:06:07.000 I go, Woody.

00:06:07.000 I go, maybe I am Joni Depp.

00:06:09.000 Maybe I'm Johnny playing Tony.

00:06:10.000 And then he was like, what the fuck, man?

00:06:12.000 Bro, you should totally do that.

00:06:14.000 Johnny is the pirate.

00:06:16.000 That's not a bad idea.

00:06:17.000 It's a fucking great idea.

00:06:18.000 I just heard your accent.

00:06:19.000 Kill Tony.

00:06:20.000 100%.

00:06:21.000 In full pirate guard?

00:06:22.000 Yes.

00:06:23.000 Jack Sparrow.

00:06:24.000 Just come out, Jack Sparrow.

00:06:25.000 I'm a big fan of Horn's Kuhn.

00:06:26.000 Hons Kumo.

00:06:28.000 Dude.

00:06:28.000 That's a great idea.

00:06:29.000 100%.

00:06:31.000 Yeah, real understated, but really.

00:06:31.000 It has to be done.

00:06:33.000 It's to be done.

00:06:34.000 Wow, okay.

00:06:34.000 That is your next big character.

00:06:36.000 Oh, my God.

00:06:37.000 The Amber Heard jokes are endless.

00:06:39.000 Oh, my God.

00:06:40.000 Endless wealth.

00:06:41.000 Oh, my God.

00:06:42.000 I was just like, well, what sort of a pot could he pull from to kind of...

00:06:45.000 Oh, cocaine.

00:06:46.000 No, no, no, no.

00:06:46.000 Yeah.

00:06:47.000 And maybe every time he likes somebody, he goes, I'm going to give you the Joni Depp bracelet of approval.

00:06:52.000 And he gives him like a bracelet.

00:06:56.000 It's a great idea.

00:06:58.000 All right.

00:06:58.000 Wow, Joe.

00:06:59.000 This is a perfect character for you.

00:07:01.000 People have pitched me to do you should have a treasure chest filled with cocaine.

00:07:04.000 Can we delete this on the podcast so we can save it?

00:07:08.000 No way.

00:07:09.000 A treasure chest filled with Coke.

00:07:11.000 Bring out a treasure chest filled with baby powder.

00:07:11.000 Oh, my God.

00:07:13.000 Just buy like 10 pounds of baby powder.

00:07:15.000 And just in between, instead of Heidi bringing out drinks, he brings me bags of Coke.

00:07:20.000 And I'm just blowing lines.

00:07:21.000 Fucking full treasure chest.

00:07:23.000 Oh, that's so funny, Joe.

00:07:26.000 Parrot, you know, paradise.

00:07:28.000 A real parrot?

00:07:29.000 No, no.

00:07:30.000 Real parrot would probably freak out and have a hard time.

00:07:31.000 Yeah.

00:07:32.000 I did just, so I tried this new character called Bruce Robbins at the comedy store.

00:07:32.000 We did.

00:07:36.000 He's like a mentalist magician, and it's going to drop on my YouTube in a couple weeks.

00:07:40.000 And I rented an owl for $1,200.

00:07:44.000 Harlan said he knew the type of owl.

00:07:45.000 Harlan was on the show, too.

00:07:47.000 A Eurasian, I think, owl.

00:07:48.000 He said it's the biggest owl.

00:07:50.000 Whoa.

00:07:50.000 This thing was, so the whole bit was this character, Bruce Robbins, he's got like a big blonde coiff, big bug teeth.

00:07:56.000 Know, kind of from the South, talks like this real fast, you know.

00:07:59.000 And, you know, I'm a magician.

00:08:00.000 I'm a former real estate agent, too.

00:08:02.000 But, you know, magic is my healing power.

00:08:04.000 And so the bit was bringing out this owl that was like a psychic owl.

00:08:07.000 And so people would ask it questions, but I had my buddy who does a really good Morgan Freeman do voiceover.

00:08:12.000 So then I would hold the mic up to the owl's face.

00:08:16.000 And then you would play the Morgan Freeman.

00:08:17.000 So like somebody goes, you know, how many, or is somebody asked, is democracy, you know, is democracy ruined or are we going to save it in this country?

00:08:26.000 And we had a bunch of canned responses.

00:08:28.000 And so then I go, Archie, what do you think about Archie the psychic owl?

00:08:31.000 Is democracy going to be saved or ruined?

00:08:33.000 And then you just hear Morgan Freeman go, gay.

00:08:36.000 I go, thanks for it.

00:08:37.000 Thanks.

00:08:38.000 Any other questions we got?

00:08:41.000 But a real parrot for Johnny Depp would be wild.

00:08:43.000 Or maybe I don't think parrots would enjoy that.

00:08:46.000 It would probably be animal cruelty.

00:08:47.000 It probably would.

00:08:48.000 The large crowd of people screaming.

00:08:50.000 What's your creature?

00:08:52.000 Do you have any?

00:08:53.000 Has anyone brought what's the craziest thing someone's brought into the mothership for like a animal?

00:08:58.000 No one's ever brought an animal.

00:08:59.000 I was trying to think.

00:09:00.000 Pauli brings his dog sometimes, but he's got a sweet dog.

00:09:02.000 Yeah.

00:09:03.000 And Ron's brought his dog a bunch of times.

00:09:06.000 Ron's got a cute little dog.

00:09:07.000 And I'm trying to think when we did a Dr. Phil at the mothership, we didn't have too many crazy people.

00:09:07.000 Yeah.

00:09:11.000 Have you ever worked with Liza?

00:09:13.000 Schleshnder, yeah.

00:09:14.000 We did a game show.

00:09:15.000 She made you hold her dog.

00:09:16.000 Used to make her all.

00:09:17.000 She'll just like give you a dog before she goes on stage.

00:09:20.000 Take my dog and be like, okay.

00:09:21.000 Yeah.

00:09:22.000 And thank God it's always the people that love dogs.

00:09:22.000 I know.

00:09:24.000 I've held multiple dogs of hers over the years.

00:09:28.000 You know, because dogs die.

00:09:29.000 Oh, yeah.

00:09:30.000 She gets a new one.

00:09:31.000 Bro, I got that new one with the scars around her nose.

00:09:34.000 Where she was one of those dogs that they're, I mean, who knows what the fuck they were going to do to it.

00:09:34.000 Yeah.

00:09:39.000 But they had its facebound.

00:09:39.000 Yeah.

00:09:42.000 I think she got it from China.

00:09:44.000 Wow.

00:09:44.000 Yeah, she did.

00:09:44.000 Yeah.

00:09:45.000 Because I think she calls it like feng chu.

00:09:48.000 Something like dim sum.

00:09:49.000 Dim sum.

00:09:51.000 They might be close.

00:09:52.000 Something like that.

00:09:53.000 She's racist.

00:09:56.000 Couldn't have gone with like Albert or Jill.

00:09:56.000 Yeah, very racist.

00:09:59.000 Bro, you ever been on Blue Sky?

00:10:01.000 What's that?

00:10:01.000 Blue Sky is like the ultra super liberal Twitter for people like Twitter's filled with Nazis.

00:10:06.000 And they ran over to Blue Sky.

00:10:08.000 Some guy wrote, I'm just trying to be Zen about it.

00:10:12.000 And then someone under that wrote, how about try not to be racist against Asians?

00:10:18.000 Wow.

00:10:19.000 For Zayn's.

00:10:19.000 For saying Zen.

00:10:21.000 That's crazy.

00:10:21.000 I don't like that.

00:10:23.000 That's crazy.

00:10:23.000 That was one of the wildest reaches I've ever seen in my life.

00:10:27.000 Zen is a sacred.

00:10:28.000 Zen is one of the best words to describe being tranquil or serene, right?

00:10:34.000 Zen and the art of motorcycle repair.

00:10:34.000 Is another one.

00:10:36.000 God damn.

00:10:37.000 Zen and the art of archery.

00:10:38.000 I was just talking about how my dogs are my like Zen happy place, which by the way.

00:10:43.000 Imagine thinking that saying that is racist.

00:10:45.000 Yeah, that's bananas.

00:10:46.000 But that's how crazy, this is like what you're dealing with with humans out there.

00:10:50.000 Some people are just off the reservation.

00:10:52.000 Yeah.

00:10:53.000 You posted something recently, or maybe you said something on a pod about your love for Marshall.

00:10:57.000 And I wanted to bring this up because we're thinking about finally trying to have kids.

00:11:01.000 My wife's had to go through some stuff to get us in a place where it's all right on that front.

00:11:07.000 Satanic rituals, right?

00:11:08.000 Yeah.

00:11:09.000 Yes, goat sacrifice.

00:11:09.000 Goat sacrifice.

00:11:10.000 She did play some song recently that's that said it was some maybe an Ariana Grande or something song.

00:11:16.000 And I go, I go, are we sacrificing a lamb in the backyard?

00:11:19.000 It was just so, it made me feel so old because it was so just.

00:11:19.000 What the fuck is this?

00:11:24.000 And I was like, I just don't, I don't know who this is, but we're getting close to having kids and we have two dogs.

00:11:31.000 And I'm like, I get emotional leaving the dogs, dude.

00:11:33.000 I mean, it's bad.

00:11:34.000 Like, and I don't even know how it's going to be with kids.

00:11:37.000 I mean, and you can probably attest to that.

00:11:39.000 When you're on the road.

00:11:40.000 Yeah.

00:11:41.000 I have total leaving.

00:11:42.000 You can't even compare.

00:11:43.000 When I go on the road, I know someone's taking care of my dog and he's going to be great.

00:11:47.000 Right.

00:11:47.000 He's a sweetheart.

00:11:48.000 He's great with everybody.

00:11:49.000 I never worry about him.

00:11:50.000 Right.

00:11:51.000 Kids are a totally different.

00:11:53.000 Totally different beast.

00:11:54.000 Oh, my God.

00:11:55.000 You don't even, you can't even imagine how much you're going to love them.

00:11:58.000 It's just, it's, it changes you as a human being because then you start to realize that everybody was a baby.

00:12:04.000 And then most of these fucked up people in the world, they just got a bad deck of cards.

00:12:09.000 That's a great way to put it.

00:12:10.000 And they've just been handed a shit sandwich every fucking day of their lives.

00:12:14.000 Everybody's been you run into them and maybe you're lucky.

00:12:17.000 You had really nice parents.

00:12:19.000 You lived in a really nice neighborhood.

00:12:20.000 You had good friends.

00:12:21.000 You weren't in jail when you were 12.

00:12:24.000 You know?

00:12:24.000 Yeah.

00:12:25.000 And so it's just you have more compassion for the whole world when you have kids.

00:12:31.000 I could have been in jail when I was 12.

00:12:32.000 I put a firework in my neighbor's mailbox.

00:12:34.000 That's not good.

00:12:35.000 That's not great.

00:12:36.000 What if you had like a fucking lottery check in there?

00:12:39.000 Oh, could you sue over that?

00:12:42.000 No, I guess there's no way to find it.

00:12:43.000 I'm just going to kill you.

00:12:46.000 Sue.

00:12:46.000 I'd rather go to jail.

00:12:47.000 The money's gone.

00:12:48.000 Dude, we did it with what do you have?

00:12:50.000 You don't have enough money to pay for the $100 million lottery game.

00:12:53.000 My single mom would have freaked the fuck out.

00:12:54.000 Imagine if they said no, you can't.

00:12:56.000 The lottery is the craziest scam.

00:12:58.000 It's so wild.

00:13:00.000 It's legalized gambling.

00:13:01.000 Yep.

00:13:02.000 Everybody does it.

00:13:03.000 But you know what it is?

00:13:04.000 It could be you.

00:13:05.000 That's the slogan that makes people go, I never thought of it like that.

00:13:08.000 But it's the dumbest scam because you have millions of people trying to win.

00:13:12.000 Like at least in blackjack, you've got like a 40% chance of winning.

00:13:16.000 You know, you have like fucking no chance of winning.

00:13:19.000 You're just donating money, hoping that you're the one person out of five million.

00:13:25.000 Maybe even more.

00:13:26.000 Maybe more.

00:13:26.000 Sometimes the odds, I feel like, I've been in like the seven billions.

00:13:29.000 It's like there's a bit of.

00:13:30.000 Let's ask.

00:13:30.000 Let's find out how many people go.

00:13:33.000 Like, let's find a lottery, like a big one.

00:13:36.000 Like, what's a big one?

00:13:38.000 Colorado State, maybe.

00:13:40.000 What are the big ones that you hear in the news?

00:13:41.000 They get Powerball.

00:13:43.000 Okay, let's say Powerballs.

00:13:45.000 They nailed it with the title, too.

00:13:45.000 That's a huge one.

00:13:47.000 Let's guess here.

00:13:49.000 Let's say, let's find out how many people get paid out and how many people buy lottery tickets.

00:13:56.000 How many lottery tickets are sold?

00:13:59.000 Okay, let's put this into perplexity.

00:14:02.000 We have an AI sponsor that can give us information.

00:14:05.000 So it comes because I talk a lot of shit.

00:14:08.000 Sometimes I'm absolutely wrong.

00:14:10.000 So it's super important.

00:14:11.000 That is important.

00:14:12.000 To use perplexity.

00:14:14.000 It's crazy when you watch it work, too, because you put in a prompt.

00:14:16.000 Can you show how it's working?

00:14:18.000 You put in a prompt, and look, it just pulls out all those articles.

00:14:21.000 Oh, my God.

00:14:22.000 And then bam, that's a synopsis in seconds.

00:14:25.000 Look at that.

00:14:25.000 And a knowledge dropper.

00:14:26.000 In seconds.

00:14:26.000 Look at that.

00:14:27.000 That's so crazy, dude.

00:14:29.000 I don't think we realize how nuts that is.

00:14:30.000 It really is.

00:14:31.000 It's because, guess what?

00:14:33.000 Even if it was a couple seconds to compute and like process, you'd give it the time and space to figure that out.

00:14:39.000 So here it goes.

00:14:41.000 The largest Powerball drawing in U.S. history, November 7, 2022, a jackpot of $2.04 billion.

00:14:51.000 Over 100 million tickets were sold for a single major drawing as the jackpot approached the billion-dollar mark.

00:14:58.000 For instance, when the jackpot reached $1.1 billion in another high-profile drawing, America's bought more than 111 million tickets.

00:15:06.000 And similar or greater sales occurred for historical record draws like the 2.04 billion event.

00:15:12.000 So only one person gets paid?

00:15:14.000 No.

00:15:15.000 Well, though, there's smaller jackpots?

00:15:17.000 Yeah, you can hit a few numbers and $20 million range.

00:15:21.000 Oh, though, there's smaller jackpots.

00:15:23.000 How many people get paid out, though?

00:15:25.000 Is it just one person?

00:15:26.000 I think there could be multiple winners.

00:15:26.000 It depends.

00:15:28.000 Yeah, I mean, you would have a million bucks if you hit like all five numbers and not the powerball.

00:15:32.000 Yeah.

00:15:33.000 But that doesn't affect the jackpot.

00:15:33.000 Right.

00:15:35.000 Right.

00:15:36.000 So I guess if you're asking who gets paid out of the jackpot.

00:15:38.000 Yeah.

00:15:39.000 Yeah, it's a winner-take-all situation.

00:15:41.000 But if two people with three people or 10 people get it, it could split even.

00:15:44.000 So what if you go and get some of the numbers?

00:15:46.000 You get some money?

00:15:47.000 You can get some money.

00:15:48.000 If you get like one number, you can get like five bucks back.

00:15:50.000 Okay.

00:15:51.000 They're just trying to keep you hooked.

00:15:53.000 They just try to keep you on the hook.

00:15:55.000 And if you get, like, let's say you get, so you've got to imagine that if you give them five bucks back, they probably bought 300 tickets at least.

00:15:55.000 Oh, yeah.

00:16:05.000 So you won anyway.

00:16:06.000 Yeah.

00:16:07.000 So I was going to bring up this thing that happened.

00:16:08.000 I think it was in Texas.

00:16:10.000 Someone figured out the loophole of like, no, how many tickets can you buy and how fast can you buy them?

00:16:15.000 And they figured out a way to buy more tickets and they won.

00:16:19.000 They were profitable.

00:16:21.000 It is a numbers game.

00:16:22.000 It had to spend like $25 million or something, but they were like, well, is that legal?

00:16:26.000 That's where they've gotten into some issues now.

00:16:28.000 Well, here's the thing.

00:16:30.000 Why isn't it legal if you're just buying a ticket?

00:16:32.000 Because you have a shitty system.

00:16:33.000 If your system sucks, and by the way, your system's been ripping off everybody forever.

00:16:33.000 Yeah.

00:16:36.000 Sounds like a personal problem.

00:16:37.000 And I jump in on that system and give you all this money.

00:16:40.000 I figured it out.

00:16:41.000 And I win money every fucking time.

00:16:44.000 Yeah.

00:16:45.000 Yeah.

00:16:45.000 Maybe this is on you.

00:16:46.000 Maybe you don't like when you get scammed, motherfucker.

00:16:48.000 You've been scamming us for years.

00:16:50.000 When you sell 111 million tickets for one winner, you have 111 million to win.

00:16:56.000 Yeah.

00:16:57.000 That's banana.

00:16:58.000 Someone might not win and it goes on and it carries over.

00:17:00.000 I love the stories.

00:17:01.000 Bananas.

00:17:03.000 All right.

00:17:03.000 So bananas.

00:17:04.000 How's your schedule looking?

00:17:05.000 Feeling busy?

00:17:06.000 Got a lot on the horizon?

00:17:07.000 Well, yeah, it's that time of year when life gets crazy and demands more of your energy.

00:17:13.000 More work, more plans, holiday travel, all while it's getting darker and colder.

00:17:18.000 It can really drain your energy or you can get out ahead of it.

00:17:22.000 Listen, I talk a lot about AG1.

00:17:24.000 It's the daily health drink that can help you stay one scoop ahead of all the energy drains coming your way this season because the superfoods and B vitamins and every scoop of AG1 supports steady energy production without the crash.

00:17:41.000 In fact, just shaking up one scoop of AG1 in water covers your multivitamin, your pre and probiotics, antioxidants, superfoods, and more.

00:17:53.000 It's one simple step to start your day ahead of anything that might come your way.

00:17:57.000 And that's why I've partnered with them for so long.

00:18:00.000 Subscribe today to get this clinically backed formula in the flavor of your choice, tropical, citrus, berry, or original to help you stay one scoop ahead.

00:18:12.000 If you use my link, you'll also get a free bottle of AG D3K2, an AG1 welcome kit, plus a few bonus AG1 travel packs.

00:18:22.000 Just head to drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan or visit the link in the description to get started.

00:18:30.000 That's drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan.

00:18:34.000 It's happened a handful of times where like the guy or guy will win and then split it with someone that they like bought the ticket with or said they'd go Habsies on.

00:18:43.000 You know though there's got to be times where somebody did that and like you know because I think they usually publicize who won but there's got to be a way if you won like two mil to keep it kind of hush hush and then you know you and then the buddy's like man I can't believe we didn't win and you did win and you're like yeah I know fucking better look next year but like oh he's gonna kill you.

00:19:02.000 Yeah.

00:19:03.000 So well and families I've families have been ripped apart These types of when they go public and name changes.

00:19:10.000 I mean, I've heard all sorts of, there was a documentary about the lottery from the same guy who did, I think it was Spellbound.

00:19:17.000 About the script spelling bee?

00:19:17.000 Do you ever see that?

00:19:19.000 They followed five kids around the country.

00:19:21.000 It's a brilliant documentary.

00:19:22.000 And it just goes to show you, I mean, they're all different walks of life kids.

00:19:26.000 And some are, you know, their parents are like spelling.

00:19:30.000 They're all pretty like, you know, serious about it, but some are very, I think there's a young Indian kid and his parents are like, yeah, spelling is life.

00:19:38.000 And then there's a young white girl and her parents are also very like disciplined about, you know, her being on top of this.

00:19:45.000 And then there's a young black girl and her mom is kind of like, if she's happy, she loves doing it.

00:19:50.000 I'm going to support her, you know, but it's all different walks of life.

00:19:53.000 And you follow them almost like best in show up until the big event.

00:19:57.000 And then it's the actual spelling bee, which is just, you know, so fucking hooked.

00:20:01.000 I mean, you've seen some of these on ESPN, right, over the years?

00:20:03.000 Yeah.

00:20:04.000 And the pressure, though, is like what's wild.

00:20:06.000 Seeing a kid at that age deal with that type of pressure, like even though they love it, they're up on that stage.

00:20:12.000 Like, fuck, I remember I played the cowardly lion in fifth grade.

00:20:15.000 Yeah, I freaked the fuck out.

00:20:16.000 A, because I was a fat kid.

00:20:18.000 I was fucked.

00:20:18.000 My tits were falling out of the lion suit.

00:20:20.000 I asked for ice cream cake instead of courage when I got to Oz.

00:20:22.000 But like, these kids are having to, there's money on the line.

00:20:26.000 The parents have like dedicated, they've flown all across the country.

00:20:29.000 Like, anyway, but the guy did a doc about the lottery and how it's the pros and cons, but mostly about how it is like a big scam and stuff.

00:20:36.000 And it's, you know, just kind of a social experiment, really.

00:20:39.000 Well, it's definitely, it's definitely a way to keep people hooked.

00:20:43.000 It's a gambling thing.

00:20:44.000 Yeah.

00:20:44.000 It's what's 100% a gambling thing.

00:20:46.000 And it's like very, very profitable for the government.

00:20:49.000 But the thing about it is nobody who wins ever gets happy.

00:20:49.000 It is.

00:20:54.000 It's not like everybody who wins.

00:20:56.000 I don't want to say everybody who wins.

00:20:56.000 More money money.

00:20:58.000 The vast majority of people who win go broke within a very short amount of time.

00:21:03.000 Oh, really?

00:21:03.000 Yeah, they blow through their money and they wind up getting robbed or something happens.

00:21:08.000 And like, it's, it's not like you've had an unsuccessful financial relationship with, you know, with money and with funds and, you know, being prudent with your expenses.

00:21:20.000 Right.

00:21:21.000 And then all of a sudden you win the lottery and you're like, okay, great.

00:21:23.000 I'm an accountant.

00:21:24.000 I know how to handle this.

00:21:25.000 Most people are just like barely getting by.

00:21:28.000 And then they win the lottery and they've always been late on bills and now they're buying a Rolex.

00:21:32.000 You're going from zero to 60.

00:21:33.000 Yeah, you can't adjust.

00:21:34.000 This is the winner of that $2 billion.

00:21:36.000 Oh, look at him.

00:21:37.000 Wow, dude.

00:21:37.000 Look at him.

00:21:38.000 This is a kid from L.A. Look how happy that motherfucker is.

00:21:40.000 You better run, son.

00:21:42.000 Run to Canada.

00:21:43.000 Run to Canada.

00:21:44.000 He's going to buy so much underarm.

00:21:46.000 Go somewhere where they don't know who you are.

00:21:49.000 Man.

00:21:50.000 Enjoy your life and lie.

00:21:51.000 Did you lie about where you got your money?

00:21:53.000 Say you got a business.

00:21:55.000 Say your dad died.

00:21:56.000 Went in on another.

00:21:57.000 Yeah.

00:21:58.000 Grandpa left you a lot of money.

00:21:59.000 He had gold coins from the war.

00:22:00.000 No one questions it.

00:22:02.000 No one questions old artifacts.

00:22:04.000 Yeah, don't say you won the lottery because then people don't think you deserve it.

00:22:08.000 So if you're Jeff Bezos, you made Amazon.

00:22:10.000 There's pictures of you in the fucking garage with an Amazon.com sign above your head.

00:22:15.000 The early days.

00:22:16.000 Yeah, the early days.

00:22:17.000 Like, you know, that guy built that fucking company.

00:22:19.000 So if he's out there balling, that kind of makes sense.

00:22:21.000 You know, you see Jeff Bezos as a giant yacht.

00:22:23.000 You're like, I'd have a yacht too if I did.

00:22:24.000 Totally.

00:22:25.000 I would do the same thing.

00:22:25.000 I'd do that.

00:22:26.000 So, but when you get the powerball and all of a sudden you got $2 billion.

00:22:31.000 Just like that, dude.

00:22:32.000 And by the way, it's not really $2 billion because it's $2 billion if you live to be like 1,000 years old.

00:22:37.000 But they pay you tax on it.

00:22:38.000 It's like $2 a week.

00:22:39.000 It's weird.

00:22:41.000 Or you can get all of it in once, in one sum, but it's never the same.

00:22:45.000 It's never the same amount.

00:22:46.000 They give you way less.

00:22:48.000 Yeah.

00:22:48.000 Which is horseshit.

00:22:49.000 It is.

00:22:50.000 So if you want to get the $2 billion, it's probably like, what is the actual, let's find this out.

00:22:55.000 What's the actual payout schedule that you can accept either the payments where they just pay you like your, we got $2 billion coming your way.

00:23:04.000 Guaranteed.

00:23:05.000 Promise you.

00:23:06.000 Yeah, but we're going to give you a little every month.

00:23:08.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:23:09.000 What did you do with the 111 million tickets you sold, motherfucker?

00:23:16.000 You sold 111 million tickets.

00:23:20.000 What'd you do with that money?

00:23:21.000 Where's that money?

00:23:22.000 How about give me all that?

00:23:23.000 Yeah, no shit.

00:23:24.000 What the fuck are you doing?

00:23:25.000 What is this?

00:23:27.000 30-year annuity option.

00:23:30.000 30 years.

00:23:31.000 Wow.

00:23:32.000 They want to pay you for 30 years.

00:23:34.000 Would you take that or just take that?

00:23:35.000 Nice and slow.

00:23:37.000 That's the way we do it, see?

00:23:39.000 Nice and nice and slow.

00:23:41.000 It is that guy.

00:23:43.000 I gotta say this.

00:23:44.000 This says this option pays out the full advertised jackpot amount.

00:23:47.000 Oh, it's a different one?

00:23:48.000 I didn't know that.

00:23:49.000 Let me see if that's real.

00:23:50.000 By the way, that voice.

00:23:51.000 You were doing, that's for sure the head of the lottery.

00:23:53.000 Nice and slow.

00:23:54.000 A Mr. Burns Al Pacino tried to get away from the bottom.

00:23:56.000 That guy going to pay him nice and slow.

00:24:00.000 Oh, yeah, dude, in a Fila jumpsuit.

00:24:01.000 Some dude just stealing money.

00:24:03.000 He's got a fake Rolex on.

00:24:05.000 Yeah.

00:24:05.000 Paying him nice and slow.

00:24:07.000 30 years is crazy.

00:24:08.000 If you win the lottery and you're 60, bitch, you ain't got 30 years, especially with lottery money, that kind of cocaine.

00:24:14.000 You got to take it off.

00:24:15.000 Cocaine and Ferraris.

00:24:17.000 You got lottery money.

00:24:19.000 What do you think you're doing?

00:24:20.000 Because you, I mean, you're fine, but like, did you ever fantasize about that?

00:24:26.000 I think it's normal to be a person if you, as long as you've been aware of the lottery, I think everyone has had that conversation.

00:24:34.000 What would you do if you won the lottery?

00:24:36.000 I remember having that as a kid, and I remember telling my dad I was going to win the lottery just to fucking, you never have to work it.

00:24:41.000 Like, what?

00:24:42.000 How did I even think to, but you just, you hear about it and you're like, the idea of just getting rich right away and then not having to do anything, I think is pretty common in this country, right?

00:24:53.000 Well, it's a wonderful idea.

00:24:55.000 Like, because everybody hates work.

00:24:57.000 Did you ever think about, though?

00:24:58.000 Oh, sure.

00:24:59.000 I played the lottery a bunch of times.

00:25:00.000 But like, did you fantasize the budget?

00:25:01.000 I don't remember how many times I played it.

00:25:03.000 Let me think of how many times.

00:25:05.000 You know, not a lot of times.

00:25:06.000 I think I've probably played it like all told in my life, like less than 10 times.

00:25:10.000 What did you write down or say to yourself?

00:25:12.000 I'm not like a vision port type of people.

00:25:14.000 But if you got like, let's say you did win like 500 mil and you were in your early 20s or something or even.

00:25:19.000 I thought you'd be broke.

00:25:20.000 If you're broke and ruined.

00:25:21.000 You would have gone through it all.

00:25:22.000 You wouldn't have gone through it.

00:25:23.000 I would be ruined.

00:25:24.000 You wouldn't have put it away for the family.

00:25:25.000 No, no, no, no.

00:25:26.000 I'd be doing a GoFundMe right now.

00:25:30.000 Oh, man.

00:25:31.000 I'd be going on some sad tour.

00:25:33.000 People would be like, what about when you had all that money?

00:25:33.000 Yeah.

00:25:36.000 Fuck you, fuck you.

00:25:37.000 Fuck you, man.

00:25:38.000 You knew what I went through, man.

00:25:40.000 Joe's doing safaris and stand-up for animals.

00:25:42.000 I think winning the lottery is bad for you.

00:25:44.000 I know that sounds crazy because if you don't have any money and you want money and maybe not bad for everybody, but bad for me.

00:25:50.000 Let me say that.

00:25:51.000 I think if I won the lottery, it would be bad for me.

00:25:53.000 Yeah.

00:25:54.000 Because I'm the type of dude who needs a thing to be working on.

00:25:59.000 I want to improve at stuff.

00:26:01.000 I drive towards things.

00:26:02.000 I'm trying to figure things out all the time.

00:26:04.000 That's a great point.

00:26:05.000 I'm all of a sudden not doing that.

00:26:08.000 Your drive is gone if you win the lottery, I think.

00:26:10.000 Especially at a young age.

00:26:11.000 Because if you're like, so let's go back to like when I was like 22.

00:26:16.000 I was 22.

00:26:18.000 I was working odd jobs while I was doing stand-up at night.

00:26:21.000 I was working for a private investigator.

00:26:24.000 Maybe I was making 20 bucks an hour.

00:26:26.000 Wait.

00:26:27.000 Did you really do that?

00:26:28.000 Yeah, I drove around a private investigator.

00:26:30.000 Holy shit.

00:26:31.000 Yeah, he was a good friend for years.

00:26:33.000 Like, he died recently.

00:26:35.000 His name is Dave Dolan.

00:26:36.000 He's the best.

00:26:37.000 I kept one of my old phones just because he left me a message.

00:26:40.000 He used to call himself Dynamite Dickless Dave Dolan.

00:26:44.000 He was a hilarious guy.

00:26:45.000 The funniest guy that I've ever met there wasn't a comedian.

00:26:47.000 He was so funny.

00:26:48.000 I love that.

00:26:48.000 He was so funny.

00:26:49.000 And the crazy thing is what happened was he lost his license from drunk driving.

00:26:56.000 And he put in an ad for a private investigator's assistant.

00:26:59.000 But really, what it was is someone to drive him because he couldn't drive.

00:27:02.000 Yeah.

00:27:02.000 Because he was, you know, lost his license for like, I forget how long, like three months or something like that.

00:27:08.000 So I sign up for the job.

00:27:11.000 I meet him.

00:27:12.000 You know, this is back when I was still competing.

00:27:14.000 I was still fighting.

00:27:15.000 So he liked that I could like fuck people up if something went sideways.

00:27:18.000 Yeah.

00:27:19.000 And so then we would go and most of it was insurance fraud.

00:27:23.000 It was mostly like catching people, like doing things like pretending their back was hurt.

00:27:28.000 Then you catch them carrying roof shingles up a ladder.

00:27:31.000 It was a lot of that.

00:27:32.000 People, they get hurt like working for an airline.

00:27:36.000 This one lady, oh, this was so sad because she let us into her house.

00:27:39.000 I felt so bad.

00:27:41.000 It was a scam.

00:27:42.000 And the scam was Dave would show up and say, ma'am, my girlfriend was in an accident.

00:27:48.000 And when the police took the license plate of the witness, someone spilled coffee on the report.

00:27:54.000 And it's confusing which letters are the last letters.

00:27:57.000 And one of them is yours.

00:27:59.000 We got these two.

00:28:00.000 They weren't right.

00:28:01.000 We're hoping it's you.

00:28:02.000 And they were like, what's wrong with your girlfriend?

00:28:05.000 And he goes, well, she's got this injury, which is exactly the same injury that this lady had, that she was supposedly getting, that she was, you know, disabled from.

00:28:15.000 And so she's like, oh, my God, I have the same thing.

00:28:18.000 And he goes, I hope you're getting paid.

00:28:19.000 And she goes, oh, yeah.

00:28:20.000 Not only am I getting paid by insurance, but I'm also working under my maiden name.

00:28:25.000 He's like, oh, that's great.

00:28:26.000 And she goes, would you like to come in in the house and have some coffee?

00:28:29.000 She was the nicest lady.

00:28:31.000 She had us in her house.

00:28:32.000 We were two strangers.

00:28:33.000 Oh, God.

00:28:34.000 Some fucking thick-looking Irish dude with a mustache.

00:28:38.000 That's Dave.

00:28:39.000 And me, like this 21-year-old kid with a fucking crew cut.

00:28:43.000 And you're just letting us into your house.

00:28:45.000 Giving us coffee.

00:28:46.000 I'm like, she's so nice, man.

00:28:47.000 We can't do that.

00:28:49.000 We got to pretend this didn't happen.

00:28:50.000 He's like, fuck her.

00:28:51.000 She goes.

00:28:53.000 Fucking thief.

00:28:54.000 That lady's a fucking thief.

00:28:56.000 Fuck her.

00:28:56.000 I was like, oh, I can't do this.

00:29:00.000 I only did it for a few months, but that's all he needed me for, really.

00:29:03.000 But we became friends.

00:29:04.000 What a life, dude.

00:29:05.000 Yeah, he was an interesting cat, man.

00:29:07.000 He was a fun one of the guys.

00:29:09.000 It was a guy who thought his girlfriend was cheating on him or wife.

00:29:14.000 I forget.

00:29:15.000 And so.

00:29:16.000 It feels like a lot of the cases they get hired for, right?

00:29:19.000 Sure.

00:29:19.000 But mostly what Dave did was insurance stuff because they had the most amount of cases.

00:29:24.000 It was all about fighting.

00:29:26.000 It's just a numbers thing.

00:29:28.000 So this one was, I think my girl's cheating on me.

00:29:31.000 So he hires Dave to this, his wife was hooking up with this fucking barbarian, this dude who's this big old bodybuilder dude.

00:29:42.000 And he was just pounding her.

00:29:44.000 And Dave had to take pictures.

00:29:46.000 And then he brought the pictures.

00:29:48.000 Did you fucking brought the pictures to the guy?

00:29:52.000 And then the guy was like, well, keep following her.

00:29:55.000 He's like, fuck you.

00:29:57.000 He's like, I don't know what kind of tank you're into.

00:30:00.000 Like, is this like a, are you?

00:30:01.000 This should be enough.

00:30:02.000 No, it was almost like he was into it.

00:30:05.000 It was almost like they were playing a game, like a cuck game.

00:30:09.000 Oh, wow.

00:30:10.000 It was, you know what I mean?

00:30:11.000 Maybe I'm cheating on you.

00:30:12.000 Maybe you should hire a private investigator and see the pictures.

00:30:14.000 The guy just like, the girl was, the lady was very hot, and he was very not hot.

00:30:20.000 And then there was this bodybuilder guy.

00:30:22.000 Fuck.

00:30:22.000 Dude, it is funny you say that.

00:30:24.000 My brain immediately went to if my wife was cheating on me, that would be the worst version.

00:30:28.000 Just a huge guy.

00:30:29.000 Because like if it's Shaq, you go, if we do get back together, there's no way.

00:30:34.000 Well, you're not, by the way, but like if you do, like you just, you can't go back in there.

00:30:39.000 Right.

00:30:39.000 It's over.

00:30:40.000 I mean, I see Shaq now with like, when there's pictures of him next to his like, girls, he's dated.

00:30:44.000 I'm like, is that, that should be illegal.

00:30:48.000 But I guess, I don't know.

00:30:50.000 He's gentle.

00:30:50.000 I don't know.

00:30:51.000 How do you, how do you do that?

00:30:52.000 I don't know.

00:30:52.000 You got to ask him.

00:30:54.000 Have you had Shaq on?

00:30:56.000 No, I'd love to have him.

00:30:57.000 I love that dude.

00:30:58.000 He did Fear Factor with me.

00:30:59.000 No way.

00:31:00.000 Yeah, he co-hosted Fear Factor one day, one episode.

00:31:03.000 That would be an unbelievable conversation.

00:31:05.000 Yeah, it was like me and him hanging.

00:31:06.000 I had a joke.

00:31:07.000 It was like a six-year-old hanging out with his dad.

00:31:11.000 I had a joke about a lady guarding the White House because it was during the Obama administration.

00:31:17.000 A guy broke into the White House and they had a lady, an unarmed lady at the front door.

00:31:21.000 And I had this whole joke about not everybody can guard the White House.

00:31:26.000 And like, listen, I've met Shaquille O'Neal.

00:31:28.000 His dick is where my face is.

00:31:29.000 I'm like, if the White House is experiencing a shaq attack, I'm the wrong dude to save the world.

00:31:34.000 Oh, my God.

00:31:34.000 He's just going to run over me.

00:31:36.000 He's too big.

00:31:36.000 Yeah.

00:31:37.000 But that guy, when you're hanging out with him, you're like, okay, giants are real.

00:31:41.000 Like, there's real giants in this world.

00:31:43.000 Like, look at this.

00:31:44.000 Oh, he did it at uni, too.

00:31:46.000 That's awesome.

00:31:47.000 Oh, yeah, it was fun.

00:31:48.000 But he's a fan of the show.

00:31:49.000 He was real cool.

00:31:50.000 That's awesome.

00:31:50.000 Yeah, I see him at the UFC all the time, too.

00:31:52.000 Imagine that guy got into MMA because he's a martial artist.

00:31:56.000 He practices there's some good video of him working out, like kicking pads and punching mitts and shit.

00:32:02.000 He's got technique.

00:32:03.000 Is it cool from your perspective when people like that jump into that art form?

00:32:06.000 Are you just like I love it?

00:32:08.000 No, I love it.

00:32:08.000 I want everybody to do it.

00:32:10.000 It's good for your brain.

00:32:11.000 No, don't do it because you want to be Billy Badass, but do it because it's like the best way of releasing aggression and making you a nice person.

00:32:19.000 It sounds crazy.

00:32:20.000 No, I missed it.

00:32:20.000 I know.

00:32:21.000 But like hitting something like a bag.

00:32:23.000 You don't have to hit a person.

00:32:24.000 Hit a heavy bag.

00:32:25.000 Just boom, boom, boom, boom.

00:32:27.000 You get all that shit out of your system.

00:32:28.000 Wow.

00:32:29.000 Look at him next to Francis Ngano.

00:32:31.000 That's 4B UFC heavyweight champion Francis Ngano, who is a giant man standing next to Shaq and Shaq towers over him.

00:32:38.000 I mean, he's too big for the UFC.

00:32:41.000 If Shaq, if the UFC was around when Shaq...

00:32:44.000 No, no, no.

00:32:44.000 He literally is physically too big.

00:32:46.000 Oh.

00:32:46.000 Like the UFC has a 265-pound weight limit for the heavyweight division, which is kind of crazy.

00:32:52.000 Yeah.

00:32:52.000 Heavyweight should be as big as you get.

00:32:54.000 It should be like, I think it should be like 225 and up.

00:32:58.000 That's what I think.

00:32:58.000 I think there's not enough weight classes, but that's a separate conversation.

00:33:01.000 But Shaq is way bigger than 265.

00:33:04.000 Yeah, 360.

00:33:05.000 He probably would have to cut 80 pounds to make the UFC's weight limit.

00:33:09.000 I think he was under three when he got in the league.

00:33:11.000 He was real slender, which is crazy to be that big and be that fast.

00:33:15.000 The fact that he did what he did in the NBA is really giant super athletes, which is like the difference between the NBA, the NFL, and then the UFC.

00:33:24.000 Yeah.

00:33:25.000 It's like the UFC doesn't get many guys like that.

00:33:28.000 Most of the super athletes, when they're kids, they go into football, they go into baseball, they go into basketball.

00:33:34.000 That's where the money is, you know, for a lot of them.

00:33:36.000 Yeah.

00:33:37.000 Like way more, like there's way more spots probably for football players than there are for UFC.

00:33:43.000 Like, how many professional football players are there in the NFL?

00:33:48.000 I mean, there's 53 per team in the two teams.

00:33:52.000 Over a thousand.

00:33:53.000 Don't make me do math.

00:33:54.000 I'm stupid.

00:33:55.000 That's why we do this.

00:33:56.000 That's just that.

00:33:56.000 But there's also, there's practice squads.

00:33:58.000 There's another 12 or 15 on our practice squad.

00:34:00.000 Okay, let's put it into perplexity.

00:34:02.000 Find out how many overall players are employed by the NFL.

00:34:09.000 And then do it for NBA, MLB, badminton, tennis, cricket, croquet, Chinese sports.

00:34:14.000 And checkers, partisan.

00:34:16.000 Yeah.

00:34:17.000 Uno tournaments.

00:34:18.000 Pyramid Billiards.

00:34:18.000 I was just going to die.

00:34:19.000 The number for the NFL could get way bigger because there's guys that are half retired and only play like three games a year.

00:34:25.000 Okay, so what do you, if you had a guest?

00:34:27.000 53 times what there's 30.

00:34:28.000 Jamie knows a lot about staff.

00:34:30.000 There'd be probably 22,000.

00:34:32.000 22,000.

00:34:33.000 No, no, no, not 20.

00:34:34.000 I was going to say 2,500 or 2,000.

00:34:36.000 2,000 is probably a fair number.

00:34:37.000 And that's just NFL, correct?

00:34:39.000 And then you have XFL.

00:34:40.000 How many people are employed by the XFL?

00:34:42.000 Great question.

00:34:45.000 And baseball, there's a 53.

00:34:47.000 No, baseball's 53-man roster for baseball.

00:34:50.000 Baseball is way less like 25.

00:34:52.000 So for UFC, just the UFC, I think right now they have 600 fighters under contract.

00:34:58.000 Mick Maynard texted me about recently.

00:35:00.000 1,700 players.

00:35:02.000 They're going to have to back the rosters and then another 400 who can move around.

00:35:05.000 So take it.

00:35:05.000 Okay.

00:35:06.000 So that's NFL.

00:35:07.000 That's just NFL.

00:35:08.000 So it's essentially 2,000-ish.

00:35:08.000 What a crap shit.

00:35:11.000 About so.

00:35:12.000 550 in the NBA.

00:35:14.000 Okay.

00:35:15.000 And the draft each year is probably another, you had another 30 to 40.

00:35:18.000 Also, you have to take into account that a lot of kids, you play football in school.

00:35:24.000 Right.

00:35:24.000 So if you're going to play football, you play football in high school, play football in college.

00:35:28.000 Yeah.

00:35:28.000 And they go in early.

00:35:29.000 But it's a sport that everybody plays and it's normal to do.

00:35:32.000 Like everybody in the neighborhood plays.

00:35:34.000 If you play baseball, everybody in the neighborhood plays.

00:35:38.000 You play in middle school.

00:35:39.000 You play in high school.

00:35:40.000 MMA, you got to go to the gym.

00:35:42.000 You got to learn.

00:35:43.000 You got to get kicked in.

00:35:45.000 You're going to get kicked in the nuts more than once.

00:35:47.000 You're going to get punched in the face.

00:35:48.000 Your nose is going to be bloody.

00:35:51.000 You're going to have a headache.

00:35:52.000 You're going to have sore joints because people are trying to break your arms.

00:35:56.000 And then you're showing up at school every day going, what am I doing?

00:35:59.000 What the fuck am I doing?

00:36:00.000 So it's hard to get a kid that can also play basketball really well to decide I'm going to let someone kick my shins out from under me.

00:36:08.000 I don't know what kid would do that.

00:36:10.000 It's got to be a kid that only wants that.

00:36:12.000 Yeah.

00:36:12.000 It's got to be a kid that watches at the UFC.

00:36:16.000 Like Tiger Woods was golfing, what, at like two or three, right?

00:36:19.000 Right.

00:36:20.000 So not that you would be doing UFC or MMA at that age, but what is the?

00:36:26.000 But you would.

00:36:26.000 Because a lot of people who have sons and daughters that are really into it, they start training them.

00:36:32.000 A lot of these fighters train their kids at an early age.

00:36:34.000 I remember having like, you know, WrestleMania type, like, stuffed animals and wrestling with them at like five, six, seven, but it didn't obviously turn into a passion.

00:36:44.000 But like that, at least it was like at that age of like rough housing and throwing shit around and like trying to beat somebody up.

00:36:51.000 But I guess to take a shot to the dick as a kid, like, yeah, you got to be made of steel.

00:36:55.000 Well, I think generally it's either your parents encourage you to do it early and you do like traditional martial arts and you get kind of excited about it.

00:37:03.000 And then you start watching the UFC as you get older.

00:37:05.000 And then maybe you start doing some other stuff.

00:37:06.000 Like maybe you start out in jiu-jitsu and then you work your way to a little Muay Thai.

00:37:10.000 And then as you're like 13, 14, you probably start thinking, I think I want to fight.

00:37:15.000 Yeah.

00:37:15.000 That's what happens with a lot of these guys.

00:37:17.000 You're probably not taking shit in school, by the way.

00:37:19.000 Like if your teacher's like, Martin, I saw you weren't paying attention.

00:37:22.000 You're like, I'm bleeding out of my dick, lady.

00:37:25.000 You know, like you're just, you've seen, you've gone through some shit where you're like, this is not my biggest concern right now.

00:37:30.000 Well, it's definitely not your biggest concern, but it's also boring.

00:37:33.000 That's the real problem.

00:37:34.000 When you do exciting things when you're young, you can't parse it out in your head and go, I know I have to do this boring thing because this is really important.

00:37:41.000 When you're doing this exciting thing, you're kicking people's heads off.

00:37:46.000 This is way more fun.

00:37:47.000 I don't care about history.

00:37:49.000 Did you play baseball?

00:37:51.000 Yeah, I did.

00:37:51.000 Played baseball.

00:37:52.000 What position?

00:37:54.000 I wasn't very good.

00:37:55.000 So I was an outfielder.

00:37:57.000 But one thing I did do is I either hit home runs or I struck out.

00:38:01.000 Let's go.

00:38:02.000 Because I would never just try to get on base.

00:38:04.000 The coach would always say, just try to get on base.

00:38:07.000 I'd be like, right.

00:38:08.000 I just fucking get on that.

00:38:10.000 That's cool.

00:38:10.000 I hated team sports.

00:38:12.000 I was not a good team player in that regard.

00:38:14.000 Because, I mean, I was good in that I tried to catch balls and I tried to make that.

00:38:18.000 I bet you were a fun teammate, though, right?

00:38:19.000 You were the jokester.

00:38:20.000 But I was also like, I am going to hit the fuck out of this ball.

00:38:24.000 Come on.

00:38:24.000 Because I hit my first home run, I think, when I was like 12 or something like that.

00:38:27.000 And I was like, oh, this is way better.

00:38:30.000 I was like, this is way better than just hitting a ball.

00:38:33.000 Because as you get bigger and stronger, and you get a little bit more coordinated and you feel what it's like to really fucking connect and get your body into that.

00:38:40.000 Oh, yeah.

00:38:41.000 But that really translated into martial arts, too.

00:38:43.000 Because learning how to hit things hard, I think it helped that I learned how to hit a baseball hard.

00:38:48.000 Is there a correlation with like the torque and the lower half and the twisting?

00:38:52.000 Yeah.

00:38:53.000 Yeah, 100%.

00:38:54.000 Because when you're hitting a baseball, like I was never a great baseball player.

00:38:58.000 Okay, I was just a kid who knew how to hit a ball hard.

00:39:00.000 Still, I wasn't a good baseball player.

00:39:02.000 Hand-eye coordination.

00:39:02.000 But there was a thing about this, about this timing.

00:39:06.000 Yeah.

00:39:07.000 Like that, that translated directly into kicking things, like directly.

00:39:12.000 So I think learning that at an early age, I was like, oh, it's like a body, it's a timing thing, but it's like a whip of your body.

00:39:19.000 And that's the exact same thing with kicking.

00:39:22.000 My buddy, I'm actually wearing his hoodie, Cal Raleigh.

00:39:24.000 His nickname is the big dumper.

00:39:26.000 And he had, he just lost the MVP to Aaron Judge by like four votes.

00:39:30.000 But he had, and it was a big dispute and big debate because he's a switch-hitting catcher.

00:39:34.000 He's a catcher.

00:39:35.000 He hit 60 home runs this year.

00:39:37.000 The most by any catcher ever.

00:39:39.000 The most by any switch-hitting catcher, switch-hitting player.

00:39:44.000 He broke, he just broke so many records.

00:39:47.000 Aaron Judge ultimately won the MVP because statistically he was outrageous in so many categories, but it was a big debate.

00:39:54.000 I'm biased.

00:39:54.000 Cal's the man.

00:39:56.000 But also, you know, a catcher is handling so much more during the game.

00:40:00.000 Aaron Judge played the outfield, and then Aaron Judge looks like if 4Loco grew into a person.

00:40:05.000 Cal Raleigh is like you want to have a Bud Light with.

00:40:07.000 He's a fucking everyman.

00:40:08.000 He won the home run derby.

00:40:10.000 His dad, who was his high school baseball coach, was throwing pitches to him during.

00:40:13.000 It was a better story for baseball, but I actually want to get your opinion on this.

00:40:17.000 If you are going, because I think the writers were just like, stats.

00:40:21.000 Like Cal batted like 246.

00:40:23.000 Judge was like 380-something, I think, to end the year.

00:40:26.000 But again, Cal like broke all these records and for a catcher and like made baseball cool and like put, you know, gave a position a lot more love.

00:40:35.000 And he's calling the whole game.

00:40:36.000 He has to know the whole pitching staff.

00:40:38.000 He comes in early.

00:40:39.000 He's catching the game, which is why it's unheard of for a catcher to be that offensively, you know, powerful.

00:40:45.000 But he ultimately lost and a lot of people were bummed out about it.

00:40:49.000 And I guess my question to you is, if you were one of those, like, if you're assessing stuff like that, do you take into account like, you know, what someone's impact for the game is?

00:41:00.000 Or would you just go like, no, no, who had the best stats?

00:41:03.000 And that's the MVP.

00:41:05.000 Yeah, it's a good conversation.

00:41:07.000 It's a good conversation.

00:41:08.000 Do you follow baseball enough to fuck with that?

00:41:10.000 I don't.

00:41:10.000 Let's move on.

00:41:11.000 But objectively, I would say go with the best stats.

00:41:14.000 The guy who's played the best.

00:41:15.000 That's the most valuable player.

00:41:17.000 But a switch-hitting catcher.

00:41:18.000 Fuck, it's a very valuable thing.

00:41:19.000 It's just not the most valuable thing.

00:41:21.000 Yeah.

00:41:21.000 You know what they gave a lot of credit to is like judges in New York on the Yankees, and they get so much press and so much love.

00:41:27.000 And Seattle's up here in the corner, right, furthest away.

00:41:30.000 Like, everyone's just like, isn't that the fucking coffee sound garden place?

00:41:34.000 And it's like, there's a catcher up there.

00:41:36.000 I mean, yeah, I don't know.

00:41:38.000 That stuff, I think, does matter the national attention, but I don't know.

00:41:43.000 There was a guy that was a really good baseball player that became a martial artist and had a wicked right hand.

00:41:49.000 This Japanese guy, Takanori Gomei.

00:41:52.000 Great name.

00:41:53.000 This dude, he was a pitcher.

00:41:53.000 Oh, my God.

00:41:54.000 Played martial arts and played baseball.

00:41:56.000 Yeah.

00:41:57.000 He was a pitcher.

00:41:57.000 And that's how he started off.

00:41:59.000 And he just had a whip to his right hand.

00:42:02.000 Yeah, dude.

00:42:02.000 And you think about how fast a pitcher moves his body.

00:42:06.000 And I'm sure you've seen that one where, what's the dude's name that killed the bird?

00:42:09.000 Oh, Randy Johnson.

00:42:11.000 Bro, that's a former Mariner.

00:42:12.000 That clip is amazing.

00:42:15.000 It's unbelievable.

00:42:16.000 I know.

00:42:16.000 It's insane.

00:42:17.000 It's like once in a billion.

00:42:18.000 It's very sad, but it's a once in a billion thing.

00:42:20.000 Once in a trillion.

00:42:21.000 Joe, the timing of that.

00:42:22.000 First of all, birds fly through stadiums every now and then.

00:42:27.000 And also, you have the fastest throwing pitcher, arguably, in the history of the game.

00:42:31.000 Right.

00:42:32.000 At his peak.

00:42:33.000 SP.

00:42:33.000 Throwing, I think, 100.

00:42:36.000 Can you imagine that?

00:42:37.000 And he hits that bird square.

00:42:39.000 Do you think that bird, I mean, I don't know.

00:42:41.000 He has a little fucking stupid brain.

00:42:41.000 Do they have thoughts?

00:42:42.000 Look at the seeds.

00:42:43.000 Fuck that badge.

00:42:44.000 Fuck that bird.

00:42:44.000 Look at her seeds.

00:42:46.000 That bird existed for that moment.

00:42:48.000 It did.

00:42:48.000 The universe wanted us to see it.

00:42:50.000 The bird was virtually pulverized and killed instantly.

00:42:53.000 Famously, Johnson was sued by PETA for the obvious freak accident.

00:42:56.000 That's insane.

00:42:56.000 Sued?

00:42:58.000 And look at this.

00:42:58.000 Not insane.

00:42:59.000 Johnson resents the way he's remembered as the bird killer.

00:43:03.000 Randy, you got to let it go.

00:43:04.000 His nickname was the big unit when he was in Seattle.

00:43:06.000 Yeah, no, I remember that guy.

00:43:08.000 Dude, that's wild.

00:43:08.000 And then there's the famous, if we're talking bird accidents, Fabio on the roller coaster.

00:43:14.000 Remember that?

00:43:14.000 No, what happened with Fabio?

00:43:15.000 On the roller coaster, opened by a bird.

00:43:17.000 Oh, man, this is unbelievable.

00:43:19.000 He's opening a roller coaster at some theme park.

00:43:22.000 I want to say Great America.

00:43:23.000 And he's on the beginning and he's like, hello, Fabio here.

00:43:25.000 I can't wait to ride the roller coaster.

00:43:28.000 And, oh, man.

00:43:30.000 And somewhere in the journey, a bird flies out of nowhere and breaks his fucking nose, dude.

00:43:37.000 Yep, boom.

00:43:38.000 Feathers and all.

00:43:40.000 That's crazy.

00:43:41.000 So everyone's like, what happened?

00:43:42.000 Yeah.

00:43:43.000 And then he goes on ABC to talk about it.

00:43:44.000 A goose.

00:43:45.000 It was a goose.

00:43:46.000 He's look.

00:43:47.000 Goose are big.

00:43:48.000 He's like, I can't believe it's not butter, but I can believe that bird had a vengeance against my face.

00:43:53.000 He was the butter guy, remember?

00:43:54.000 Oh, that's right.

00:43:56.000 He was the romance novel guy, too, right?

00:43:58.000 What a life.

00:43:58.000 Yeah, dude.

00:43:59.000 Wild.

00:44:00.000 Chicks like reading their porn.

00:44:03.000 Great premise.

00:44:03.000 You know that?

00:44:04.000 It was true.

00:44:05.000 It is true.

00:44:05.000 It is.

00:44:06.000 Like, guys like that.

00:44:07.000 That's what it was.

00:44:08.000 Yeah.

00:44:09.000 Well, girls have always been into erotic literature.

00:44:12.000 And some of it's like, you remember the 50 Shades of Gray stuff?

00:44:15.000 Come on, man.

00:44:16.000 That was like...

00:44:16.000 All of a sudden, ladies wanted to get spit on and choked.

00:44:19.000 Like...

00:44:20.000 My friends would tell me these stories.

00:44:20.000 What's happening?

00:44:22.000 Like, she told me to spit in her mouth.

00:44:23.000 I was like, what?

00:44:24.000 Did you do it?

00:44:25.000 I know my stepdad was like, your mom wants me to push her against the drywall.

00:44:27.000 I was like, what?

00:44:28.000 Fuck.

00:44:31.000 This is an insane cat, George.

00:44:32.000 It was real weird for a while.

00:44:34.000 But then it kind of died off and went back into the shadows.

00:44:36.000 But romance novels, like pornographic, romance novels, but they're not pornographic like visually.

00:44:44.000 Even like the way they depict sex is like a feminine way of doing it.

00:44:49.000 But 50 Shades of Gray, I think, was that was graphic.

00:44:51.000 Yeah.

00:44:52.000 Yeah.

00:44:52.000 What the fuck?

00:44:53.000 What the fuck was that all about, ladies?

00:44:56.000 Who are you hiding?

00:44:57.000 And then there was the Twilight one.

00:44:59.000 You want a vampire that loves you?

00:45:01.000 I'll never understand that.

00:45:02.000 Yeah, I'll never understand that.

00:45:02.000 You want some dude who kills people.

00:45:04.000 I guess it's not that bad.

00:45:04.000 He sucks their blood.

00:45:05.000 He's been around for 1,700 years.

00:45:07.000 You're only 16.

00:45:08.000 The whole relationship is disgusting.

00:45:10.000 This is disgusting.

00:45:12.000 That's a weird 16-year-old girlfriend.

00:45:12.000 You're 1,000 years old.

00:45:15.000 No.

00:45:15.000 What do you talk about?

00:45:16.000 Also, the werewolves and like the, yeah, just having.

00:45:19.000 He was alive when Cleopatra was here, and he's talking to a fucking 17-year-old.

00:45:22.000 This is stupid.

00:45:23.000 Would you judge someone more that was into vampires or feet?

00:45:30.000 Vampires for sure.

00:45:31.000 Feet's not that weird.

00:45:31.000 Yeah.

00:45:32.000 It's not that weird.

00:45:33.000 It's kind of, you know, they're cute.

00:45:35.000 They look good.

00:45:35.000 Yeah.

00:45:36.000 You could justify feet.

00:45:37.000 It makes sense, I guess.

00:45:39.000 The vampire one is nuts.

00:45:39.000 Yeah.

00:45:40.000 Yeah.

00:45:41.000 Like, how old was the vampire in Twilight?

00:45:45.000 He wasn't that old.

00:45:45.000 They were high school, maybe, right?

00:45:46.000 No, but he wasn't that old.

00:45:47.000 Like I was saying, he's alive from Cleopatra.

00:45:49.000 That's bullshit.

00:45:51.000 He's really probably only supposed to be a couple hundred years old.

00:45:54.000 Right?

00:45:55.000 Is that the case?

00:45:56.000 I never saw it.

00:45:56.000 I thought you were supposed to be real old, though.

00:45:58.000 At least 100.

00:46:01.000 Imagine a 100-year-old guy pretending he's got to pretend and hang out in high school.

00:46:07.000 That's how he fits in.

00:46:10.000 That's how he fits in.

00:46:11.000 100-year-old guy's going to force himself to go to high school.

00:46:13.000 Yeah, that's weird.

00:46:14.000 104.

00:46:15.000 104.

00:46:16.000 Okay.

00:46:17.000 In high school.

00:46:18.000 By the way, hanging out.

00:46:19.000 Yeah, he didn't.

00:46:20.000 He's even handsome as fat.

00:46:21.000 Handsome as fuck, dude.

00:46:22.000 But super pale.

00:46:23.000 Something was up.

00:46:24.000 Well, you're in Seattle.

00:46:25.000 Totally.

00:46:25.000 You can get away with it.

00:46:26.000 I went to the, I think it was opening night of Twilight when I did this movie, The Heat.

00:46:31.000 It was after Bridesmaids, Paul Feek did this movie called The Heat with Sandra Bullock and Lewis McCarthy.

00:46:35.000 It's like a big, you know, buddy cop, and I played one of the bad guys.

00:46:39.000 First big movie, Summer Blockbuster.

00:46:41.000 I'm like, I heard the trailer was being played during Twilight.

00:46:44.000 And I was like, never see myself in a trailer.

00:46:46.000 So my buddy's like, we got to go to fucking.

00:46:48.000 It was like they're playing the R-rated trailer, the red trailer.

00:46:50.000 So we go to Twilight.

00:46:52.000 I'm like opening night at the Arclight in Hollywood, R.I.P. And it's just all like, what, I don't know, 10 to 16-year-old girls, the whole theater, and then just me and my buddy just baked out of our minds, like very out of place.

00:47:06.000 And everything's coming on.

00:47:08.000 They're like announcing all the cast.

00:47:09.000 All the girls are going nuts.

00:47:11.000 But by the way, they didn't play the trailer at all.

00:47:15.000 So we're sitting there and he's like.

00:47:17.000 I'm like, all right, let's get the fuck out of here.

00:47:19.000 He's like, well, we're here.

00:47:19.000 I don't want to wilt.

00:47:20.000 We should watch.

00:47:21.000 I'm like, best of luck.

00:47:22.000 And I bounce.

00:47:23.000 So I've never seen it.

00:47:25.000 Any of the Twilight movies.

00:47:26.000 They're not terrible.

00:47:27.000 They're not.

00:47:28.000 They're not terrible, but they're odd.

00:47:30.000 And I don't necessarily think they're made for boys.

00:47:34.000 I think it's a weird lady fantasy.

00:47:35.000 It is.

00:47:36.000 No, it's for the girls.

00:47:37.000 What's our equivalent?

00:47:37.000 Yeah.

00:47:38.000 It's a weird lady fantasy.

00:47:39.000 But it's very odd that there's a vampire movie that's specifically for ladies.

00:47:43.000 You know what our equivalent is?

00:47:44.000 What?

00:47:44.000 Weird science.

00:47:46.000 The show?

00:47:47.000 No, the movie.

00:47:47.000 Weird Science.

00:47:48.000 Remember when the two guys make the woman on their computer?

00:47:50.000 Oh, that's right.

00:47:51.000 Come on, dude.

00:47:52.000 Anthony Michael Hall.

00:47:53.000 I forgot about that.

00:47:54.000 Great movie.

00:47:55.000 Jamie?

00:47:55.000 Who was that lady?

00:47:56.000 Jamie, pull up the whole movie.

00:47:57.000 Let's watch the whole movie.

00:47:58.000 That lady was very beautiful.

00:47:59.000 Who was that?

00:48:01.000 Kelly LeBrock.

00:48:02.000 Kelly LeBrock.

00:48:03.000 British, I think.

00:48:04.000 She was, yeah, she was the super hottie back in the day.

00:48:07.000 That was one of the lab.

00:48:08.000 Bro, that was one of the first movies I remember seeing being like, okay, what is this dick really for?

00:48:14.000 Weird science.

00:48:15.000 Great.

00:48:16.000 Oh, yeah, dude.

00:48:17.000 Yeah.

00:48:17.000 Oh, not Anthony Michael Hall.

00:48:18.000 Oh, wait, no, that's a remix.

00:48:19.000 Yeah, Anthony Michael Hall was the first movie he showed.

00:48:21.000 Oh, there was a TV show.

00:48:23.000 And was that Bill Paxon as the crazy brother?

00:48:27.000 Yeah, dude.

00:48:29.000 Who made that?

00:48:29.000 John Hughes.

00:48:31.000 Come on.

00:48:32.000 Just had his finger on the pulse of cool.

00:48:34.000 Wow.

00:48:36.000 How did they make her?

00:48:37.000 What was the ingredient?

00:48:38.000 It was just.

00:48:40.000 Great question.

00:48:42.000 You sound like one of the parents trying to recreate her.

00:48:44.000 So how'd they make that girl, by the way?

00:48:48.000 I'd give her Mom Digitist Mamma Blant.

00:48:51.000 Wom Digits.

00:48:52.000 Wow.

00:48:53.000 Oh, look, they have a computer.

00:48:55.000 Something.

00:48:58.000 Out of this world.

00:48:59.000 Yeah, dude.

00:49:02.000 What would you little maniacs like to do first?

00:49:04.000 Oh, my God.

00:49:05.000 That's her opening question.

00:49:07.000 Weird science.

00:49:09.000 If you want to be a party animal, you have to learn to live in the jungle.

00:49:13.000 Not here.

00:49:13.000 Flatass.

00:49:14.000 No way.

00:49:15.000 She is turning their lives.

00:49:17.000 Trust me for once, will you?

00:49:19.000 What is going on?

00:49:22.000 Their minds.

00:49:23.000 Trailers.

00:49:24.000 Crazy.

00:49:25.000 She just wanted to make them cool, right?

00:49:27.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:49:28.000 She didn't even want to fuck.

00:49:29.000 No.

00:49:30.000 You know, they must have been like, dude, did you not put in the right code?

00:49:34.000 She's here to like take us to dinner.

00:49:35.000 Yeah, why would you stop with that?

00:49:37.000 Let's try one that doesn't talk as much.

00:49:39.000 Let's try the next one.

00:49:40.000 I think they just did it on their computer.

00:49:41.000 It was just like a bunch of...

00:49:42.000 Yeah, it was so easy to do back then.

00:49:43.000 Such a funny thing, too.

00:49:44.000 Like, we were just so trusting.

00:49:46.000 We're like, that's probably how you do it if you're going to do it.

00:49:49.000 Like, that's how stupid it is.

00:49:50.000 Just put a bunch of numbers in your computer and your door to your bedroom extra.

00:49:54.000 I know.

00:49:55.000 Make the boobs bigger.

00:49:56.000 That's so ridiculous.

00:49:57.000 Crazy.

00:49:58.000 It's funny because people probably thought one day.

00:50:01.000 Yeah.

00:50:02.000 And they might be right.

00:50:03.000 According to the plot, they hook some electrodes up and they hack into a government computer system for more power.

00:50:09.000 Oh, for more power.

00:50:10.000 Awesome, dude.

00:50:12.000 Believable plot.

00:50:13.000 Table for one.

00:50:14.000 Oh, as long as we have more power, but I guess when you're watching that, yeah, you're just like, that's it.

00:50:20.000 What are the odds that it makes a hot lady?

00:50:22.000 Like, what are the odds?

00:50:23.000 First time ever.

00:50:23.000 Yeah.

00:50:23.000 That works.

00:50:24.000 Two fucking high school students figured it out.

00:50:26.000 And we were like, take my money.

00:50:28.000 Tell me this amazing story.

00:50:30.000 Oh, yeah, dude.

00:50:31.000 I'm surprised there was no scary movie type parody of that of them like making the wrong gal or something, you know?

00:50:37.000 Like John Goodman in a wig comes out.

00:50:37.000 Oh, my God.

00:50:40.000 What year was that?

00:50:41.000 85.

00:50:42.000 85.

00:50:43.000 Good for us.

00:50:44.000 What year was Soulman?

00:50:46.000 Probably like 89.

00:50:49.000 Soulman.

00:50:49.000 I haven't seen Soulman.

00:50:51.000 What's that?

00:50:51.000 86.

00:50:52.000 Oh.

00:50:54.000 Okay.

00:50:55.000 Go to that.

00:50:56.000 Yeah.

00:50:57.000 C. Thomas Howell.

00:50:57.000 Soulmate.

00:50:58.000 C. Thomas Howell pretends to be black.

00:51:00.000 So he'd go to a different school.

00:51:02.000 I forget how he's doing.

00:51:03.000 What the fuck?

00:51:05.000 What the fuck?

00:51:06.000 Wait, what?

00:51:08.000 Bro, bro, it's crazy.

00:51:12.000 Julia Louie.

00:51:13.000 No.

00:51:14.000 It's not even good.

00:51:17.000 Oh, God.

00:51:18.000 What?

00:51:19.000 Oh, man.

00:51:20.000 Yeah, Julia Louise Dreyfuss is in it.

00:51:22.000 James Earl's in it.

00:51:23.000 Bro.

00:51:23.000 How did he sign off on this?

00:51:25.000 Because people didn't know any better back then.

00:51:27.000 Yeah.

00:51:27.000 All right.

00:51:28.000 Fair enough.

00:51:28.000 They didn't.

00:51:29.000 They were basically just climbing out of the caves, and they were like, what year is this?

00:51:33.000 He intentionally takes too many tanning pills to turn his skin darker and gets a scholarship.

00:51:37.000 Meant for African-American.

00:51:39.000 Tanning pills.

00:51:40.000 He took tanning pills.

00:51:42.000 Like, as if they had tanning pills back then.

00:51:43.000 Is that pre-tanning bed?

00:51:45.000 Dude, I get peptide now.

00:51:46.000 Now, do you think somebody has a peptide now that can actually give you a tan?

00:51:50.000 What does it do?

00:51:50.000 Does it like just jack up your melanin?

00:51:53.000 Yeah, what's a melanin?

00:51:54.000 Somebody give that shit to Rachel Dahlzo.

00:51:56.000 I'll see if they take her back.

00:51:57.000 Oh, my God.

00:51:57.000 Did somebody pitch a...

00:51:58.000 Do you think somebody was like, we need a blackface movie?

00:52:01.000 But what's the story?

00:52:03.000 And they're like, well, it was a comedy.

00:52:05.000 He wants to be tan.

00:52:06.000 He takes too many.

00:52:07.000 He tans too hard.

00:52:09.000 It was a yeah.

00:52:10.000 And he can't get into scholarship any other way?

00:52:13.000 That must have been.

00:52:14.000 Is that part of it?

00:52:15.000 I guess, right?

00:52:16.000 So he got a scholarship.

00:52:17.000 African American studies.

00:52:18.000 Yeah.

00:52:19.000 Do you have to be African American stuff?

00:52:21.000 Study African American studies?

00:52:22.000 That doesn't mean that's it.

00:52:22.000 We're finding some holes in this.

00:52:24.000 That's just as bad as Weird Science.

00:52:26.000 This is more science fiction.

00:52:28.000 I found an New York Times 1985 article talking about warning pills about getting an early tan.

00:52:35.000 They had pills for getting a tan back then.

00:52:36.000 Whoa.

00:52:37.000 What did it do?

00:52:39.000 I know, like, carrots will do that to you.

00:52:41.000 It says, FDA replied, canthanaxin is not approved for use to be ingested to color the human body.

00:52:49.000 What?

00:52:50.000 In oral tanning products, the use of canthanaxin in oral tanning products is illegal.

00:52:56.000 Tanning products have been seized under the provisions of the Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act, and further attempts to import these tanning products.

00:53:03.000 Oh, it's all imported.

00:53:04.000 FDA warns that tanning pills contain food colorings that accumulate in the blood, skin, fatty tissue, and organs, such as the liver.

00:53:14.000 They even cause the user's skin to acquire an often cause the user's skin to acquire an orange tint.

00:53:21.000 I didn't take the pills.

00:53:23.000 I took no pills.

00:53:25.000 They told me to take the pills.

00:53:26.000 I said I don't need it.

00:53:28.000 I took a lot of those pills.

00:53:30.000 I took two mails plus.

00:53:31.000 Don't you love the Biden cocktail?

00:53:33.000 What they would give him when he would have to do like press conferences or a debate.

00:53:37.000 The debate cocktail must be extraordinary.

00:53:40.000 It was just Capri Sun and Plan B gummies.

00:53:43.000 Bro, it must be extraordinary.

00:53:44.000 What's happening with this guy?

00:53:45.000 Get a real tan.

00:53:46.000 Not a fake orange tan.

00:53:48.000 Sun-tan pills.

00:53:49.000 You can get a real tan.

00:53:50.000 my god that that guy looks yeah he went from like white guy to that's not right I know.

00:53:56.000 It's not real.

00:53:57.000 No, they put a filter on his ass.

00:53:59.000 But they used to be able to sell anything in the back of magazines and it would just be a total scam.

00:54:03.000 Oh, really?

00:54:03.000 Oh, my God.

00:54:04.000 You knew it was a scam just because it was in the back of the mag or whatever.

00:54:06.000 Stray goggles and all kinds of shit that didn't matter.

00:54:08.000 Like Sky Mall shit?

00:54:09.000 No, it was like the back of stupid magazines and stuff.

00:54:12.000 They were just fake ads.

00:54:13.000 There was no rules back then.

00:54:14.000 Fuck.

00:54:15.000 People just scam people, sell you things that was totally horseshit.

00:54:18.000 And you're like, you're stupid enough to send your money through the mail.

00:54:21.000 And you never got anything back.

00:54:21.000 Yeah.

00:54:22.000 I'll see some of that stuff on Amazon every now and then where I'm like, how is this up there?

00:54:26.000 Like, there's certain.

00:54:27.000 Amazon has a lot of fake products, unfortunately.

00:54:30.000 There's a lot of fake supplements that are sold on Amazon.

00:54:33.000 No way.

00:54:34.000 Yeah, so if you buy from a major company like Pure Encapsulation, they're a big trend again somehow, obviously.

00:54:41.000 Oh, TikTok trend again.

00:54:42.000 Tanning pills.

00:54:43.000 I'm taking it again.

00:54:44.000 It's not surprising.

00:54:45.000 We love our pills.

00:54:46.000 America, what do we love?

00:54:47.000 Our free speech and our pills.

00:54:48.000 We do McDonald's.

00:54:50.000 We do enjoy a pill.

00:54:51.000 This is an ad for BetterHelp.

00:54:53.000 With the days getting colder, shorter, and darker, it can be tough for many.

00:54:57.000 And really, you never know what someone might be going through.

00:55:00.000 So here's a reminder to take the time to reach out and connect with the people you care about.

00:55:05.000 Whether it's a sibling you see every week or a friend you haven't spoken to in months, you might be glad you did.

00:55:11.000 And more often than not, you probably would be kicking yourself for not doing it sooner.

00:55:16.000 I mean, it's easier than you think, reaching out and talking to someone.

00:55:19.000 The same is true for therapy.

00:55:21.000 Plus, therapy is a great place to start if you're struggling to connect with someone.

00:55:25.000 It's good to have a professional therapist you can talk to who can guide you through any issues in your life.

00:55:30.000 Finding the right therapist has also never been easier.

00:55:34.000 Thanks to BetterHelp.

00:55:35.000 They have an extensive network with access to over 30,000 therapists worldwide, and they do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals.

00:55:46.000 It's one of many reasons why people continue to rate BetterHelp so highly.

00:55:51.000 So this month, don't wait to reach out.

00:55:54.000 Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step.

00:56:00.000 Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash J-R-E.

00:56:06.000 That's better H-E-L-P dot com slash J-R-E.

00:56:11.000 What is the what's the can you show me what it looks like?

00:56:15.000 Is there like a before and after taking that stuff?

00:56:17.000 That's what I was looking.

00:56:18.000 That's what this guy was.

00:56:18.000 That's what I did.

00:56:20.000 I don't this.

00:56:21.000 Yeah, but there's got to be like some modern people.

00:56:23.000 Are those that one's AI in the second row, right?

00:56:25.000 With that girl with the crazy eyes.

00:56:29.000 So this guy took it.

00:56:30.000 Maybe.

00:56:31.000 Interesting.

00:56:32.000 You could have also just put tanning listeners.

00:56:34.000 Yeah, I mean, that's the thing, too.

00:56:35.000 It's like those before and after weight loss things.

00:56:37.000 It's like, was it really the product or did you just take some of those things?

00:56:40.000 We were talking about last night, Brendan Schaub and I one time we were watching these bodybuilders.

00:56:45.000 And you know, bodybuilders used to dye all of their skin, including their face.

00:56:51.000 For what?

00:56:52.000 Well, the more, the darker your skin is, the more contrast, the more it shows your muscles.

00:56:56.000 So when they get like real shredded and they dye their skin like super dark.

00:56:56.000 Gotcha.

00:57:00.000 I always wonder why they were all so.

00:57:02.000 But now, after the woke stuff, it's become offensive to dye your face.

00:57:06.000 So they dye their whole body and they leave their face white.

00:57:10.000 So they have chocolate body, full chocolate body, white face.

00:57:14.000 It's so silly.

00:57:16.000 Neapolitan body.

00:57:17.000 It's so silly.

00:57:18.000 It's like, what are you doing?

00:57:21.000 What is this craziness you can do?

00:57:23.000 You complained about that.

00:57:24.000 Look at him.

00:57:25.000 Look.

00:57:27.000 Look how kooky that is.

00:57:30.000 That's not even the kookiest.

00:57:31.000 There's some really kooky ones where people have white faces.

00:57:35.000 Dude, what do you think?

00:57:38.000 There's a whole video of me and Shaub with a bunch of different examples of it where we thought it was really funny.

00:57:43.000 Man, the discipline of the bodybuilders.

00:57:45.000 It's weird because they, yeah, like, look at that guy.

00:57:48.000 That's ridiculous because he can't do his face like that because he looks fully black.

00:57:54.000 So now you just have to accept that this is how they're all going to come out and look on stage and just.

00:57:59.000 Well, that guy went for it.

00:58:00.000 He's like, fuck it.

00:58:01.000 Fuck it.

00:58:02.000 I'm going blackface.

00:58:03.000 Yeah, that's Beret Brinstein.

00:58:05.000 Yeah, you can kind of go brown face, but if you want to get full chocolate body, like some guys go full dark.

00:58:11.000 Dude, like so dark they could be like straight from Cameroon.

00:58:15.000 Can I say that?

00:58:16.000 That guy's pretty dark right there.

00:58:17.000 I mean, look at those quads.

00:58:20.000 That's what I want to know.

00:58:21.000 And I mean, no disrespect by this.

00:58:24.000 What?

00:58:25.000 What?

00:58:25.000 Why?

00:58:26.000 Why, like what makes you want to have, there was a girl I went to elementary school with and she for a little bit became a bodybuilder and.

00:58:35.000 And I think I looked at it as she had kids.

00:58:39.000 I think she was maybe midlife crisis and was just like, I want to do something where I push myself and get into shredded, amazing shape.

00:58:47.000 It's how I viewed it from a Facebook vantage point.

00:58:50.000 But like, is this in you as a kid?

00:58:52.000 Is it like you have a thirst for working out and then you just go too far?

00:58:56.000 Or is it the same way we like stand up and have an addiction to that and a love for it?

00:59:01.000 Is it really like, I want to compete and win at this?

00:59:05.000 It's not just about looking good.

00:59:07.000 It's about like having the best instrument and competing against other bodies and having the best body.

00:59:11.000 Is that well, litter is a bodybuilding competition.

00:59:15.000 Right, but like why do like to have your legs look like that?

00:59:17.000 What is the different people like different things, Adam Ray?

00:59:22.000 You know, and they clearly like being jacked.

00:59:22.000 All right.

00:59:24.000 They like looking like that.

00:59:24.000 Yeah.

00:59:25.000 They like being, that look like a fucking living human, incredible Hulk.

00:59:30.000 They like it.

00:59:30.000 Yeah.

00:59:31.000 You know?

00:59:31.000 Yeah.

00:59:32.000 And there's, yeah, there's still just people.

00:59:34.000 I mean, it's people have always been fascinated by extreme bodies.

00:59:38.000 That's why Pumping Iron was such a big film.

00:59:40.000 People are fascinated by people that are willing to do this and go that far with something.

00:59:44.000 Yeah.

00:59:45.000 Here's the question, though.

00:59:47.000 What bothers you about it?

00:59:49.000 Does it bother you like that?

00:59:50.000 No, no, no, there's the time.

00:59:51.000 No, no, no.

00:59:52.000 Why would you want to do that?

00:59:53.000 I guess why.

00:59:54.000 I guess it's just so far.

00:59:56.000 Yeah.

00:59:56.000 Here's my question.

00:59:57.000 If they had a pill, and I give you this pill, and all of a sudden you look like that, are you taking it or not?

01:00:03.000 Well, let me...

01:00:04.000 No work.

01:00:05.000 So, when I...

01:00:06.000 That's the lottery and a pill.

01:00:07.000 So let me answer that question with when I played Vince McMahon on the rock show about his life for a few seasons on NBC, I got a trainer to bulk up.

01:00:16.000 I got a little bigger.

01:00:17.000 Not Vince big, but there was a moment where a friend of mine came to me and was like, there's an easy way and there's not an easy way.

01:00:25.000 And I was like, what's the easy way?

01:00:27.000 And he did suggest some crazy shit.

01:00:29.000 And I was like, I don't think I want to be, look like that unless the show really asked me.

01:00:34.000 But I don't think I would.

01:00:37.000 Would you want to look like Canelo Alvarez?

01:00:40.000 Sure.

01:00:41.000 Yeah.

01:00:41.000 So you know a pill?

01:00:42.000 Yeah.

01:00:43.000 You take that.

01:00:43.000 Yeah.

01:00:44.000 You take really good muscular physique.

01:00:46.000 Nothing crazy.

01:00:47.000 Nothing crazy.

01:00:48.000 Yeah.

01:00:49.000 Yeah, and no judgment.

01:00:50.000 Maybe I.

01:00:51.000 But you would take that pill, right?

01:00:53.000 Sure.

01:00:56.000 I guess I'm more impressed.

01:00:57.000 This is when Vince was 100 years old.

01:00:59.000 I'm more impressed by the, I guess, the discipline of what you must have to do because I know that it's not just like taking stuff to make your legs look that defined and muscular.

01:01:09.000 To be that guy at his age, that's bananas.

01:01:13.000 Because you look at Vince McMahon's build.

01:01:15.000 I don't give a fuck how old he is.

01:01:16.000 I don't care if he's 80.

01:01:19.000 I don't care if he's 40.

01:01:20.000 Like if you're built that way, you're putting in hours, period.

01:01:24.000 You're putting in hours.

01:01:25.000 There's no way around it.

01:01:27.000 Like steroids don't make you grow.

01:01:28.000 They make you recover.

01:01:30.000 I mean, they do make you grow a little.

01:01:32.000 I think if you just took them and didn't do any work at all, I think they do put some muscle on you.

01:01:38.000 But that kind of muscle is continual work over decades.

01:01:43.000 That guy's super chaxed.

01:01:45.000 Yeah.

01:01:45.000 That's why I'm so split on the baseball steroid stuff where it's like Barry Bonds.

01:01:48.000 Yeah, he takes it.

01:01:49.000 That's the only thing fun about the game.

01:01:52.000 Give them the Roys.

01:01:54.000 Let him hit the ball.

01:01:55.000 Are we fucking stupid?

01:01:56.000 Do you want to compete with China or no?

01:01:58.000 That's so funny.

01:01:59.000 America!

01:02:00.000 Do we have the means?

01:02:01.000 Yes, we do.

01:02:02.000 Do we know how it works?

01:02:03.000 Yes, we do.

01:02:04.000 But what are we doing skinny?

01:02:07.000 What do we got all these skinny hitters for?

01:02:08.000 That's so funny.

01:02:09.000 Oh, we got to make sure no one's cheating.

01:02:12.000 Hit all the home runs.

01:02:12.000 Make it legal.

01:02:13.000 Make it legal.

01:02:14.000 Make it mandatory.

01:02:16.000 I want every baseball player to be roided out of his mind.

01:02:20.000 Just giant fucking superhero-looking dudes who crush it into the fucking parking lot.

01:02:25.000 Crack.

01:02:26.000 I want baseball bats broken like five out of 10 games.

01:02:29.000 Greg Geraldo had a great old joke.

01:02:31.000 He goes, I want Barry Bonds to come out as one giant chest muscle.

01:02:34.000 And he was saying how it's so fucked that Congress was like cracking down on that and taking away records.

01:02:40.000 He goes, you're taking away records.

01:02:41.000 He goes, he goes, you know what else?

01:02:42.000 He goes, because they say it's an illicit substance.

01:02:44.000 You know what else is an illicit substance?

01:02:45.000 Crack okay.

01:02:46.000 No one's taking gold records away from Whitney Houston.

01:02:49.000 One of my favorite Gorado jokes.

01:02:51.000 Come on.

01:02:52.000 But he's right.

01:02:54.000 I mean, it is hard to do.

01:02:54.000 And you're right, I think.

01:02:56.000 I did a TV show with Barry Bonds.

01:02:59.000 Plays yours.

01:03:00.000 There was a show that I did, a baseball show called Hardball.

01:03:04.000 I played this baseball player.

01:03:05.000 And one of the episodes, it was Barry Bonds was like the guest for the day.

01:03:10.000 Super nice guy.

01:03:11.000 Cool.

01:03:11.000 But he was normal-sized Barry Bonds back then.

01:03:14.000 Still ripping it, by the way.

01:03:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:03:16.000 Still one of the best baseball players of all time.

01:03:18.000 And super nice guy.

01:03:19.000 Real friendly to everybody.

01:03:21.000 And it was just like, holy shit, that's Barry Bonds.

01:03:22.000 Like, this show must be for real.

01:03:24.000 It wasn't for real.

01:03:25.000 Canceled.

01:03:26.000 Fuck.

01:03:26.000 The show died.

01:03:27.000 But we did get Barry Bonds.

01:03:28.000 That's awesome.

01:03:29.000 But it was interesting because I got to see him as normal size Barry Bonds.

01:03:33.000 And then he got fucking jack.

01:03:33.000 Yeah.

01:03:36.000 Dude, it's like.

01:03:37.000 Bro, he got fucking jack.

01:03:39.000 But you still have to hand-eye coordination.

01:03:41.000 You still have to.

01:03:42.000 Oh, 100%.

01:03:43.000 It's not making your eyes clear, right?

01:03:45.000 It's not like.

01:03:46.000 It's definitely making your body perform better and on top of that, recover quicker so you could do more work.

01:03:51.000 So that's the main reason.

01:03:53.000 That's the recovery.

01:03:54.000 Oh, yeah.

01:03:55.000 Well, not just the big factory, just not just recovery, but your ability to work.

01:04:00.000 Especially guys who take EPO.

01:04:03.000 Like that was what the Lance Armstrong stuff and the cyclists.

01:04:07.000 What they're doing is so difficult for your body to compete in Tour de France.

01:04:13.000 Notice how I said France?

01:04:14.000 Like I'm sophisticated.

01:04:15.000 That's really good.

01:04:16.000 Tour de France.

01:04:19.000 I felt so pretentious.

01:04:21.000 I felt pretentious after I said France.

01:04:23.000 I was like, you wear it well.

01:04:26.000 It's been argued, I think, successfully, that it's healthier to do that event on drugs.

01:04:30.000 It's healthier to be taking steroids and EPO for your body because you're asking so much of your body.

01:04:37.000 It's so taxing.

01:04:38.000 It's so fucking absolutely brutal that it's like you probably should take something.

01:04:44.000 But the problem was you weren't supposed to, and everybody was.

01:04:47.000 And they were like blood doping and doing all kinds of crazy things.

01:04:50.000 Did you ever see the documentary, Icarus?

01:04:52.000 No.

01:04:53.000 Oh, my God, dude.

01:04:54.000 Do you want to talk about a documentary that you have to watch?

01:04:56.000 Yeah.

01:04:57.000 Award-winning, won a bunch of awards.

01:04:59.000 It's fucking incredible.

01:05:00.000 And it's the most like the circumstance is just laid out so perfectly.

01:05:07.000 Like it was meant to be.

01:05:09.000 So this guy, he does this documentary.

01:05:11.000 And Brian Fogel, right?

01:05:13.000 Brian Fogel, great guy, was a guest on the podcast a couple of times.

01:05:17.000 Did this documentary where he's a cyclist and he wanted to cycle this race, compete in this race natural, and then hire someone to show him exactly how to cheat and take everything that a cheater would take and just take all the steroids and all the EPO and all that stuff and then do the same race and see what the score is, see the differences.

01:05:41.000 So he hires this guy who's the head of the Russian anti-doping organization.

01:05:46.000 Well, while he is hiring this guy, while the guy is prescribing him steroids and telling him what to take, that guy gets in trouble because it turns out they had doped the entire Sochi Olympics team.

01:06:01.000 The entire Russian team.

01:06:02.000 There was this huge scandal.

01:06:04.000 They had drilled a hole in the wall and they were passing the dirty piss through and they were getting a new bottle of clean piss.

01:06:11.000 And they found it through microscopic scratches in these supposedly unopenable jars.

01:06:18.000 These jars are supposedly impossible to open.

01:06:22.000 And so once they sealed them off, they felt like these will be sealed until we open it.

01:06:27.000 Well, then the Russians figured out a way to open the jars and then they would swap out the piss and put in the good piss.

01:06:33.000 Oh my.

01:06:34.000 Crazy.

01:06:35.000 So now this guy lays out exactly how he did it in the documentary.

01:06:40.000 He lays out the whole program and then he's on the run.

01:06:42.000 So now he's in America and he's in like witness, he's like witness protection program.

01:06:47.000 Like they want to kill him.

01:06:49.000 Yes, currently.

01:06:49.000 Currently.

01:06:50.000 He's in hiding right now.

01:06:52.000 And the documentary is why.

01:06:54.000 You should get Danny the Dick slip.

01:06:56.000 What is his name?

01:06:56.000 Danny the private investigator.

01:06:58.000 Danny Dick.

01:06:58.000 What's his name?

01:06:59.000 Dickless Dave Dolan.

01:06:59.000 Dave Dolan.

01:07:01.000 He's dead now, unfortunately.

01:07:02.000 Fuck.

01:07:03.000 That's why you said that.

01:07:03.000 Yeah.

01:07:04.000 I'm sorry.

01:07:05.000 This okay.

01:07:05.000 So when they so this after this, the Russians got banned.

01:07:11.000 I think it was the Rio Olympics was next after that.

01:07:14.000 And they couldn't compete.

01:07:15.000 They couldn't compete as Russians.

01:07:16.000 They had to compete as they had to be independent.

01:07:20.000 They couldn't represent Russia if they wanted to compete in the Olympics.

01:07:20.000 Damn.

01:07:23.000 To go to that extent to pull that off is just.

01:07:27.000 He said they doped up everybody except the figure skaters.

01:07:30.000 He said the figure skaters, it didn't seem to give them any improvement because it was all just really fine motorcycles.

01:07:35.000 So they were probably doing it for a while to see how it did trial and error.

01:07:38.000 They tried everything on everybody.

01:07:41.000 This is what happens when you have a military-run country that puts so much pride in the accomplishments of its athletes.

01:07:49.000 Sure.

01:07:50.000 You know, it's like very important that its athletes show dominance.

01:07:53.000 And Russia shows dominance in Olympics in the most manly of events.

01:07:58.000 Like their wrestling is, their wrestling is as good as any country on earth.

01:08:03.000 It may be better.

01:08:04.000 What was the Russian figure skater doping situation in 2022?

01:08:09.000 She was 15.

01:08:10.000 She tested positive for the banned heart medication trimetazidine.

01:08:17.000 You're on that, right?

01:08:18.000 A sample collected from the Russian National Championships December 2021.

01:08:22.000 The result only reported because of Beijing Olympics in February 2022 after she had already competed.

01:08:27.000 Did she have a heart problem?

01:08:29.000 I mean, is that like a medication that she's supposed to take?

01:08:32.000 I mean, the card of arbitration banned her for four years.

01:08:36.000 Wow, interesting.

01:08:37.000 So, well, okay, well, let's put in what is that heart medication?

01:08:41.000 Due to a contamination of a strawberry dessert prepared on the same table as her grandfather's heart medication pills.

01:08:48.000 Oh.

01:08:49.000 Explanation.

01:08:50.000 And she said it was ultimately rejected as implausible.

01:08:54.000 Let's find out what the positive effects of taking that drug would be.

01:08:59.000 Put in that drug and then put in performance enhancing.

01:09:04.000 What do you think?

01:09:07.000 I mean.

01:09:11.000 You think it's got a performance enhancing, a heart medication?

01:09:14.000 I think so.

01:09:15.000 What does perplexity say?

01:09:17.000 Metabolic mindset.

01:09:18.000 Increases blood flow to the heart.

01:09:20.000 It enhances physical efficiency and endurance by improving how the body uses energy, particularly by shifting energy substrate used from fatty acids to glucose oxidation.

01:09:31.000 It increases blood flow to the heart and stimulates glucose metabolism, resulting in better endurance performance.

01:09:37.000 Its effects are different from typical muscle building or stimulant-like performance enhancers.

01:09:41.000 Rather, it may improve exercise capacity, stamina, and reduce fatigue by optimizing mitochondrial function and cardiac energetics.

01:09:50.000 I was just going to say this sounds incredible.

01:09:50.000 I want to get on it right now.

01:09:52.000 When Jared More Plates, More Dates comes on, bring that up.

01:09:55.000 Make a little bookmark.

01:09:57.000 Comedians will never.

01:09:59.000 I mean, there's no doping for us, right?

01:10:01.000 No, except weed.

01:10:02.000 Weed is definitely a superpower.

01:10:03.000 But that's not like making you.

01:10:04.000 Yeah.

01:10:05.000 It's a superpower.

01:10:06.000 Weed's a superpower.

01:10:07.000 It's a superpower for self-deprecation, too.

01:10:09.000 You know, the one thing that, like, we're talking about the green room, the guy who can't take a joke about himself, he's never high.

01:10:15.000 If you're high and someone makes fun of you, you're like, oh, no, you're right.

01:10:15.000 No.

01:10:22.000 Will you have a little Eddie or a little puff before you go on stage?

01:10:25.000 Or do you try to keep it clear?

01:10:26.000 Allegedly.

01:10:29.000 Nice and slow.

01:10:31.000 That's how it is.

01:10:31.000 I like this guy.

01:10:32.000 I like this guy.

01:10:34.000 You're going to have to be Johnny Depp's agent when I go and kill Tony and Colin.

01:10:36.000 Oh, this is the question I forgot to ask about the 30 years thing.

01:10:39.000 What if you just take it all at once?

01:10:40.000 What percentage do you get?

01:10:43.000 I did find out you do get it all if you take it over 30 years.

01:10:45.000 And you get a 5% increase every year for inflation.

01:10:49.000 Yeah, but you get it all if you live 30 years.

01:10:52.000 Like, my point was, if I win the fucking lottery and I'm 24 years old, I ain't making it 30 years.

01:10:57.000 It goes to your estate if you don't.

01:10:58.000 It's still 30 years.

01:10:59.000 Fuck my estate.

01:11:00.000 I'm just saying.

01:11:00.000 I'm trying to ball out here.

01:11:02.000 What are you talking about?

01:11:03.000 You're trying to ball, Jamie.

01:11:03.000 Trying to get a ball.

01:11:04.000 You're trying to get a rose.

01:11:06.000 A jet, yeah.

01:11:07.000 I want diamonds in my Tifas.

01:11:10.000 Would you go?

01:11:11.000 Wow, you would, huh?

01:11:12.000 Full grill?

01:11:13.000 Yeah.

01:11:14.000 I'd be surprised you have to do it.

01:11:15.000 Maybe when it all starts falling apart, I'll start doing heroin, get a grill.

01:11:15.000 Maybe one day.

01:11:21.000 I want to try crack.

01:11:24.000 Connor Biden was talking about it.

01:11:25.000 It's like, it sounds wonderful.

01:11:26.000 It's not giving me an exact number.

01:11:27.000 At the very least, you got to take out the 37% for federal taxes.

01:11:31.000 37%.

01:11:32.000 The government takes 37%.

01:11:34.000 These motherfuckers.

01:11:36.000 You didn't buy one ticket, you cunts.

01:11:36.000 That's wild, dude.

01:11:38.000 Fuck.

01:11:39.000 It's still income, though.

01:11:40.000 And it's your money.

01:11:42.000 You buy the tickets and they're like, yeah, we got all the money from it, but then we want more of your money, too.

01:11:47.000 We want money, money, And then what happens after that?

01:11:53.000 It says that depends on, then state taxes depends on where you live.

01:11:57.000 Okay, so 37%.

01:11:58.000 But if you get one payout all at once, is it the $2 billion?

01:12:02.000 I mean, you'd get like one point, whatever the fuck it is.

01:12:02.000 No.

01:12:06.000 It's also lower.

01:12:07.000 But it's not just the 37% taxes that get drawn out.

01:12:10.000 If you take it in one payment, you get less.

01:12:11.000 It's giving me on a $593 million jackpot for some reason.

01:12:16.000 The pre-tax lump sum cash option is approximately $277.6.

01:12:22.000 Out of $500?

01:12:23.000 Yes.

01:12:24.000 It's almost $600.

01:12:25.000 So you get less than half.

01:12:27.000 Yeah.

01:12:28.000 But you get it right now.

01:12:30.000 You're getting it tomorrow.

01:12:31.000 I think that's what I do.

01:12:32.000 Yeah, I'm stupid.

01:12:33.000 I would do that.

01:12:33.000 Take it all.

01:12:34.000 Give me it all right now.

01:12:35.000 I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow.

01:12:37.000 Totally.

01:12:37.000 Especially after you get this.

01:12:39.000 Kazash.

01:12:40.000 Dude, I would, oh man, I'd probably go to like, I'd go to Shaq.

01:12:45.000 I'd be like, you want to make Kazam too?

01:12:48.000 I'd buy a house near my folks.

01:12:50.000 I'd definitely get on it and go, how much for our rocket?

01:12:53.000 Whoa.

01:12:55.000 How much?

01:12:58.000 You want your own?

01:12:59.000 Are you serious?

01:13:00.000 Bro, if I got to Jeff Bezos' money, for sure, I'm buying a rocket.

01:13:05.000 And where are you going with it?

01:13:06.000 Wherever.

01:13:07.000 Rachel Kucamonga?

01:13:08.000 Wherever.

01:13:09.000 They're barely reusable.

01:13:10.000 They will be by then.

01:13:12.000 If I get that old and that rich.

01:13:14.000 What happened to the rockets?

01:13:15.000 What happened to the subway system that was supposed to go like LA to San Fran in like a minute?

01:13:20.000 What was that?

01:13:21.000 What?

01:13:21.000 No?

01:13:22.000 I feel like you're not.

01:13:22.000 Come on.

01:13:23.000 Oh, is that the boring company?

01:13:24.000 No, the boring thing was like it was going to be some sort of high-speed rail.

01:13:24.000 No.

01:13:28.000 Yeah, Well, that was really just a money scam.

01:13:31.000 Fuck.

01:13:32.000 They didn't do anything.

01:13:33.000 Almost like Helicopter Uber was like, I think lasted for two days.

01:13:36.000 How much did they spend on the high-speed rail project?

01:13:42.000 Let's find that out.

01:13:43.000 I just take a guess.

01:13:44.000 I would not have got on that.

01:13:45.000 I don't think that they've spent it all, but there is, it says $4 billion in federal funding.

01:13:50.000 Wow.

01:13:50.000 It has implications.

01:13:52.000 What a great idea.

01:13:54.000 And how much have they built?

01:13:56.000 Oh, none.

01:13:57.000 They were like tired of what other company.

01:14:00.000 What other company?

01:14:01.000 Imagine if you hired General Dynamics, whatever, and said, hey, how much for you guys to make me train and make it go really fast?

01:14:08.000 And they said, well, I think we could do it for about $4 billion.

01:14:11.000 You're like, okay, let's do it.

01:14:13.000 Thanks for the budget.

01:14:13.000 And then you give them the money, and then you go back 10 years later, you're busy.

01:14:18.000 You're like, hey, how's the train doing?

01:14:18.000 They're not paying attention.

01:14:21.000 How far do you guys get?

01:14:22.000 Not great.

01:14:23.000 Not great.

01:14:23.000 We didn't get anywhere.

01:14:24.000 Yeah, we didn't get anywhere.

01:14:25.000 We don't have any more money.

01:14:26.000 But I thought you were telling me.

01:14:27.000 What did you spend it on?

01:14:29.000 Well, there's a lot of NGOs that are attached to this market.

01:14:29.000 What happened?

01:14:31.000 We also bought a lot of Powerball tickets.

01:14:33.000 And we had an Indigenous land, which is a land acknowledgement.

01:14:36.000 They have a smaller version in Florida, and there are people dying all the time.

01:14:39.000 Whoa.

01:14:40.000 Because people think that they can beat it, and they can't.

01:14:42.000 What?

01:14:43.000 Wait, beat.

01:14:44.000 Wait.

01:14:45.000 Because they think in Florida, there's tons of trains going all the time.

01:14:47.000 It's a normal train.

01:14:48.000 You think you can get across in faster?

01:14:50.000 Oh, so it's a lot faster than the normal train?

01:14:52.000 What kind of train is this?

01:14:53.000 It goes 125 miles an hour?

01:14:55.000 Yeah.

01:14:56.000 Regular trains like what, 80?

01:14:57.000 180 deaths.

01:14:58.000 So how many people?

01:14:59.000 180 deaths making America's most dangerous passenger train.

01:15:02.000 Just because people try to run across the tracks?

01:15:04.000 Bro, that's so crazy.

01:15:04.000 Yeah.

01:15:06.000 And now you put up stats like that, and you got some psycho kids that are like, well, now we can.

01:15:10.000 Oh, my God.

01:15:11.000 Look at all the people that have died.

01:15:12.000 Now we got to go test the limits.

01:15:13.000 Can you show me what it looks like when it goes by?

01:15:16.000 Is there a video of it going by?

01:15:18.000 It's the Randy Johnson of trains.

01:15:20.000 I want to see drive-by.

01:15:22.000 Yeah.

01:15:22.000 It's got to be a video.

01:15:23.000 I want to see what that's like.

01:15:24.000 There was one that I just saw from, I think it was Japan that's bananas.

01:15:30.000 Can you imagine getting hit by a train?

01:15:32.000 Oh, dude.

01:15:33.000 That might be really.

01:15:34.000 It'd be instantaneous.

01:15:36.000 Yeah, I guess you wouldn't feel anything.

01:15:37.000 Let's see how fast it goes.

01:15:39.000 Whoa.

01:15:40.000 Oh, that's pretty quick.

01:15:42.000 Yeah.

01:15:42.000 That's scary.

01:15:44.000 That's quick.

01:15:44.000 See that again.

01:15:47.000 Yeah.

01:15:48.000 Oh, man.

01:15:50.000 But the one in, I think it was Japan.

01:15:53.000 I think Japan has some new crazy high-speed one that's like three times faster than that.

01:15:58.000 Why?

01:15:59.000 They want to get somewhere quick?

01:16:00.000 Yeah.

01:16:01.000 No time to waste, motherfucker.

01:16:02.000 I know.

01:16:02.000 Time is money.

01:16:03.000 Got to get going.

01:16:04.000 I know, dude.

01:16:06.000 That's really what it is.

01:16:07.000 Yeah.

01:16:08.000 They're making jets now that are going to be supersonic again.

01:16:12.000 You know, after the watch this motherfucker.

01:16:14.000 Watch this.

01:16:16.000 What the fuck?

01:16:17.000 Wait, that's not AI.

01:16:17.000 Yeah.

01:16:19.000 Holy shit.

01:16:20.000 Holy shit.

01:16:22.000 No, that's not AI.

01:16:23.000 This is Japan's new train.

01:16:24.000 It's 310 miles an hour.

01:16:26.000 Bro.

01:16:28.000 Watch this.

01:16:29.000 I don't watch this again.

01:16:30.000 This is so crazy.

01:16:37.000 Yeah, that didn't look...

01:16:38.000 That looks faster than the 180, but that.

01:16:41.000 So that's probably saving how much time do you think?

01:16:43.000 If you're going.

01:16:44.000 So LA to San Francisco is like.

01:16:45.000 Time is money, motherfucker.

01:16:47.000 Time is money.

01:16:48.000 So we want to keep everybody safe.

01:16:50.000 Let's go 35 miles an hour.

01:16:51.000 And then you know what you have to worry about?

01:16:53.000 Train robbers.

01:16:54.000 They hop on board because it's so slow that you grab it.

01:16:57.000 Oh, wow.

01:16:58.000 Is that what the speed increase is for?

01:17:00.000 Like when they're going uphill?

01:17:01.000 People still know that train robbers would jump on board.

01:17:03.000 They'd wait.

01:17:03.000 They'd wait till you're about to go uphill.

01:17:03.000 Oh, yeah.

01:17:05.000 What a cool life, dude.

01:17:06.000 In my next life, I'm going to be a train robber.

01:17:08.000 Bro, don't do that.

01:17:09.000 I don't know what it's like.

01:17:10.000 Tokyo to Osaka in under an hour.

01:17:12.000 Whoa, how far is that?

01:17:14.000 I'll have to look that up.

01:17:15.000 Don't give me kilometers.

01:17:16.000 It's all in children.

01:17:17.000 Don't do it.

01:17:17.000 Don't you dare give me kilometers.

01:17:19.000 Why didn't they teach us that in school?

01:17:20.000 Kilometers?

01:17:21.000 Yeah, they could have.

01:17:22.000 We could all be using that.

01:17:24.000 We could have abandoned this nonsense that makes us confused as to how the rest of the world measures things.

01:17:29.000 375.

01:17:30.000 Whoa.

01:17:31.000 Jesus Christ.

01:17:32.000 375 miles an hour is crazy.

01:17:37.000 So it's, they've been fucking with this for a while, and we just aren't doing it because they blew the money.

01:17:45.000 Oh, but that was the only operation potentially to get it going right now.

01:17:48.000 Some discussions have been talked about to get it going before either the, which won't happen, the World Cup or the Olympics in 2026.

01:17:55.000 All we need is an additional $4 billion and we should be on screen.

01:17:58.000 They're like private.

01:18:00.000 Of course we are.

01:18:02.000 Wow.

01:18:03.000 I love America.

01:18:05.000 It's just so filled with crazy bullshit.

01:18:08.000 It's just so goddamn goofy.

01:18:10.000 It's a lot of fun stuff to talk about right now, right?

01:18:11.000 Doesn't it?

01:18:12.000 Do you find as a comic the crazier shit is, the more fun it is on stage or no?

01:18:12.000 Yeah.

01:18:17.000 For sure.

01:18:18.000 This is faster than either flying between the two cities or taking the one and a half hour trip to the current Taikaido line available with the Japanese rail pass.

01:18:29.000 The proposed route will include stops at stations at Shingawa, Sagamihara, Kofu, Lida, and Naka Sugawa.

01:18:42.000 We'll go with that.

01:18:42.000 Sorry.

01:18:43.000 Originally planned only extend as far as Shingawa Station, the creation of the short underground route to central Tokyo.

01:18:50.000 So, how fast is it?

01:18:51.000 I mean, how far is it going?

01:18:53.000 40 minutes to 177 miles.

01:18:59.000 80% of the 177 miles will be located underground.

01:19:02.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:19:03.000 $25 billion.

01:19:05.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:19:06.000 $65 gigs.

01:19:07.000 Imagine going 375 miles an hour underground.

01:19:10.000 1,000 people at a time, though.

01:19:12.000 Oh, boy.

01:19:13.000 That's like 10 planes.

01:19:14.000 You're making me nauseous.

01:19:16.000 Yeah, even the New York subway sometimes goes too fast.

01:19:18.000 You see that video of the woman falling asleep?

01:19:20.000 God bless her, dude.

01:19:21.000 Everybody, I think it was in San Francisco, right?

01:19:23.000 What?

01:19:23.000 A woman fell asleep at the wheel in the subway.

01:19:27.000 Nobody died, but she definitely went off the track for a minute, and everybody fell over.

01:19:32.000 Oh, shit.

01:19:33.000 And then she, and then everybody was freaking out, and she opened the door and goes, hey, chill out.

01:19:38.000 We're fine.

01:19:39.000 But like, she very, I mean, maybe she didn't remember that she's on camera.

01:19:42.000 So like they got her just passing out.

01:19:44.000 I mean, I'm surprised that doesn't happen more honestly.

01:19:47.000 Those are crazy hours they're working.

01:19:48.000 No, there was a person running that still.

01:19:50.000 Why don't they use AI?

01:19:52.000 Psych, we got you.

01:19:53.000 You're on my new hidden camera show.

01:19:54.000 We got you there.

01:19:55.000 That's how it works.

01:19:56.000 No, there is ai for the subway?

01:19:58.000 That's how AI takes over everything.

01:20:00.000 You have these kind of conversations.

01:20:02.000 Why don't they just use AI for that?

01:20:04.000 And AI is like, you're right.

01:20:05.000 You should use us.

01:20:06.000 We could make it so efficient that it's 99.9% safe as opposed to the current level of 98% safe.

01:20:15.000 That was really good.

01:20:17.000 We could approximately save 5 million lives over the course of the next 20 years.

01:20:22.000 Is that what AI, this lady just fell asleep?

01:20:25.000 Yeah.

01:20:26.000 Oh, so she's on like a real.

01:20:29.000 Yeah, it's like outside in San Francisco.

01:20:31.000 Oh.

01:20:32.000 50 miles an hour.

01:20:33.000 It is surprising that with the Waymo.

01:20:35.000 She just fell asleep.

01:20:36.000 Oh, my God.

01:20:36.000 Yeah.

01:20:37.000 Just derailed.

01:20:38.000 Didn't crash.

01:20:39.000 That's so nuts.

01:20:39.000 Oh, my God.

01:20:40.000 And she, I just thought it was funny that she was like, chill out.

01:20:43.000 Look at her there.

01:20:44.000 It's cold.

01:20:44.000 We're fine.

01:20:46.000 Eight in the morning, maybe?

01:20:48.000 Boom.

01:20:48.000 Wow.

01:20:49.000 Look at that.

01:20:49.000 Can you imagine?

01:20:50.000 Oh, whoa, that's nuts.

01:20:53.000 People went down.

01:20:56.000 That is nuts.

01:20:58.000 Hands in her pockets.

01:20:59.000 Like.

01:21:03.000 Yeah, you got to be 10-2.

01:21:04.000 She's got great lashes, though.

01:21:06.000 Yeah.

01:21:06.000 Great eyelashes.

01:21:08.000 Yeah, man, that's crazy.

01:21:10.000 They should have a computer running that thing.

01:21:12.000 Have you done the Waymo yet?

01:21:14.000 No.

01:21:15.000 Okay, thank you.

01:21:16.000 I'm not going to be a traitor to the human race.

01:21:16.000 I'm not going to lie to you.

01:21:19.000 This is logic.

01:21:20.000 First shot across the bow in the robot war.

01:21:22.000 Yeah.

01:21:22.000 Except the fact that robots are going to drive you everywhere.

01:21:24.000 I don't want that.

01:21:25.000 I'll drop my Tesla here today.

01:21:27.000 It's fine.

01:21:27.000 It's different.

01:21:28.000 It's basically the same thing.

01:21:29.000 It's pretending I'm in control.

01:21:31.000 Is it awesome?

01:21:31.000 It's doing a great job steering, Joe.

01:21:33.000 Oh, it's incredible.

01:21:33.000 That's awesome.

01:21:34.000 It drives itself.

01:21:35.000 Fuck.

01:21:36.000 If I wanted to.

01:21:37.000 I don't ever do it, but if I wanted to, I could put an address, goop, boop, and it just goes there.

01:21:41.000 Stops at every stop sign, stops at every stoplight, changes lanes when there's an obstruction.

01:21:46.000 So you don't have the trust built enough to allow it to take you.

01:21:50.000 I like to drive.

01:21:51.000 Yeah, me too.

01:21:52.000 Yeah, it's fun.

01:21:52.000 I want to drive.

01:21:53.000 I like driving.

01:21:54.000 And I like being aware of stuff and paying attention.

01:21:57.000 I don't want to just drift off and just let the computer do the work, but that's coming.

01:22:01.000 It's coming.

01:22:02.000 Are you a road trip guy?

01:22:04.000 No.

01:22:04.000 I don't have time for road trips.

01:22:06.000 Yeah, fuck.

01:22:07.000 I'm sorry I asked you that question.

01:22:07.000 Are you a road trip guy?

01:22:08.000 As soon as I came out of London, I lived in Winnebago.

01:22:10.000 Winnebago with the kids in the back.

01:22:13.000 Driving across the country.

01:22:14.000 That's me, yeah.

01:22:15.000 Yeah, I mean, I mean, the amount of gigs early on that I drive, the amount of times I went from LA to San Diego or LA to Santa Barbara, LA to San Fran or Sac for eight, ten minutes.

01:22:24.000 I remember Triple had some room in Santa Barbara.

01:22:27.000 I would drive eight minutes, then come back, then host a Fear Factor live show at Universal the next morning at 9 a.m. just for, and I'd drive Sam out there or whoever it was just to get time.

01:22:37.000 But I always liked it.

01:22:38.000 Wow.

01:22:39.000 But as far as like a cross-country road trip, I don't know.

01:22:42.000 That's not a road trip, though.

01:22:43.000 That's just road work.

01:22:45.000 Yeah, but five, six hours felt like a road trip.

01:22:48.000 Well, it's a lot of driving.

01:22:49.000 That's for damn sure.

01:22:50.000 Yeah.

01:22:50.000 Oh, but okay, I guess, but road trip, a classic road trip we talk a lot.

01:22:54.000 Like not even for work, just like a road trip.

01:22:57.000 Just go on a trip, see the country, pull into place.

01:23:00.000 Yeah, I'd like to do it.

01:23:01.000 I mean, I just, do you take time off?

01:23:06.000 I will next week.

01:23:07.000 For real?

01:23:08.000 Yeah.

01:23:08.000 I was going home to see.

01:23:09.000 That's not convincing.

01:23:10.000 Well, just because I have, I mean, it's like we have the last Phil show coming up.

01:23:10.000 I know.

01:23:14.000 I'm on the road with club dates for the rest of the year.

01:23:17.000 And then I start my theater tour, first theater tour, January through April of next year.

01:23:21.000 So that's on sale right now, AdamRayComedy.com.

01:23:24.000 Bam.

01:23:25.000 But I don't know, so many shows and then Last Phil and then riding a bunch.

01:23:30.000 I don't know.

01:23:32.000 To me, there's not enough time in the day, but going home to Seattle for Thanksgiving will be the shutdown because I remember my nieces and nephews.

01:23:39.000 I want to have a lot of time to kick with my mom.

01:23:41.000 Did you start stand-up up there?

01:23:43.000 I did one open mic before I moved to LA just to feel like I did it.

01:23:47.000 And then I went to SC 01 to 05, started in 07 is when I jumped in.

01:23:53.000 I did a few frat parties during college, only going off the confidence that I did it once in Seattle.

01:23:59.000 For whatever reason, you need the delusion to start even trying to do stand-up.

01:24:05.000 So for whatever reason, I was able to ride the experience of once in Seattle and go up at a frat party and just bomb.

01:24:13.000 I mean, I got to find that footage.

01:24:15.000 I got a few laughs when I made fun of bike cops, and then I did a little crowd work because a girl started booing.

01:24:23.000 It was before a band, and the band was an hour late.

01:24:25.000 And then I had the balls to do all 30 minutes that I practiced.

01:24:28.000 I should have done five and gotten off because the band was ready, but I was like, I practiced 30.

01:24:32.000 I'm doing 30.

01:24:34.000 Can you imagine?

01:24:36.000 And then this girl started yelling shit out, and I yelled shit back and got some laughs.

01:24:40.000 And that's all I remember about it.

01:24:41.000 And my buddies, I remember just got off, and they were like, man, that was.

01:24:46.000 How long were you up there?

01:24:47.000 Never a good sign.

01:24:48.000 Nothing about what you did.

01:24:50.000 But really started in 07 at the store and everywhere.

01:24:55.000 You do need that delusion in the beginning.

01:24:58.000 Yeah, you need to be slightly delusional because the dream is so ridiculous.

01:24:58.000 A thousand percent.

01:25:03.000 It's so there's there can't be any part of you that's like, do people really want to hear what I have to say?

01:25:08.000 Or am I really funny?

01:25:09.000 I mean, it's just like, and I, you know, had done plays so I was felt comfy on stage.

01:25:15.000 But that's what's so funny when, you know, there's a kid that I'm not mentoring, but just giving advice to every time he asks.

01:25:21.000 And he's unfortunately looking for, you know, I think with just clips and everything now, he's just like, he's looking for shortcuts.

01:25:29.000 And I'm like, I don't want to tell him not to do it, but I'm like, man, you're just like, you're not focused on kind of what I was telling you, which is control what you can control, which is getting on stage all the time, writing all the time, living a life worth writing about is what I tell this kid a lot.

01:25:42.000 Cause I'm like, if you find yourself, he's a little too isolated.

01:25:45.000 And I'm like, you need to get your job back.

01:25:47.000 So you're just accumulating life experience, having things to pull from.

01:25:51.000 But yeah, I can't imagine starting now.

01:25:56.000 Well, it's got to be.

01:25:58.000 Because he's so focused on like, I got to get that clip.

01:26:01.000 Now, it's a different sort of environment, right?

01:26:04.000 The clip environment.

01:26:05.000 Like, that's how guys are promoting their work now.

01:26:09.000 It's a blessing and a curse.

01:26:09.000 It's like when.

01:26:10.000 It's definitely a blessing.

01:26:13.000 The only curse would be, because it doesn't preclude you from still doing a lot of open mics.

01:26:17.000 It doesn't preclude you from working and opening for people.

01:26:22.000 But it can give you an undue amount of success.

01:26:27.000 Like if you have a really good crowd work video and then a bunch of people come out to see you, but you really only have 10 minutes.

01:26:32.000 Yeah.

01:26:33.000 You know, which happens to some folks.

01:26:34.000 Yeah.

01:26:35.000 Because it's tricky and you don't necessarily want people watching you the first year or the first two years.

01:26:41.000 No.

01:26:41.000 Even maybe in the first three.

01:26:42.000 Oh, my mom came out to see me too soon.

01:26:44.000 That was bad.

01:26:45.000 I did a joke.

01:26:46.000 Let me see if I can remember it.

01:26:47.000 I said something about I was raised, oh, so stupid.

01:26:51.000 Just a classic misdirect.

01:26:52.000 I go, like, I was raised by a single mom.

01:26:54.000 I grew up with just my mom and my sister.

01:26:56.000 So I was like sensitive and blah, blah, blah.

01:27:01.000 And making a joke about maybe being gay because I was raised by two women.

01:27:05.000 So I go.

01:27:05.000 So my mom taught me to be kind and nice and take a guy out to dinner before you lick his asshole.

01:27:10.000 And like, would get about this response.

01:27:12.000 And then I would go, just kidding.

01:27:14.000 I wouldn't take him to dinner.

01:27:15.000 Bro, that was maybe my third time on stage.

01:27:17.000 And my mom came to that show.

01:27:19.000 It's my sweet mom, little June from Oklahoma.

01:27:22.000 And she just, remember after the show, she just goes, did you have fun?

01:27:26.000 Did you have fun?

01:27:27.000 But the delusion to think, like, I don't care if mom's here, I'm doing the joke I wrote.

01:27:31.000 I mean, if you can call that a joke, but well, yeah, well, it's also a part of being young, too.

01:27:37.000 And you're young, especially dudes.

01:27:39.000 We're just stupid.

01:27:40.000 We are.

01:27:41.000 Yeah.

01:27:41.000 And you'd think you could do anything, dumbass.

01:27:45.000 But eventually you can.

01:27:47.000 You know, that's the thing.

01:27:48.000 It's like, you're going to have to suck at the beginning.

01:27:50.000 It's just with everything you do.

01:27:52.000 You know, if you picked up ping pong tomorrow, you're going to fucking suck.

01:27:55.000 I thought about that.

01:27:56.000 Ping pong?

01:27:57.000 I thought about trying to.

01:27:58.000 I love ping pong.

01:27:58.000 Do you?

01:27:59.000 Oh, I love it.

01:28:00.000 Really?

01:28:00.000 Oh, I fucking love it, dude.

01:28:01.000 It's so, it's probably how, I don't know how pool is for you, but like it's relaxing, even though I know it's a little and I shoot the shit a lot with whoever I'm playing with.

01:28:11.000 It's a real, like, mindless almost.

01:28:13.000 Um, because I don't play video games really anymore.

01:28:16.000 Why'd you stop?

01:28:16.000 And what happened?

01:28:20.000 Moved out of my apartment, left the table there.

01:28:23.000 I have space now.

01:28:24.000 I have a house.

01:28:24.000 I should fucking definitely buy one.

01:28:27.000 It'll suck you back into that dark hole.

01:28:30.000 That dark pong hole.

01:28:31.000 That dark hole of video games.

01:28:34.000 And I feel.

01:28:34.000 These games are too good right now.

01:28:36.000 Give me a no thanks, dude.

01:28:36.000 Oh, I do.

01:28:38.000 They're too good.

01:28:39.000 I played Halo over last holidays with my brother, and I was really high.

01:28:43.000 He was not.

01:28:44.000 And I started to like, I just had panic attacks.

01:28:47.000 It was too real.

01:28:48.000 My heart was palpitating.

01:28:50.000 I was just like, and he got in my head.

01:28:53.000 He was like, dude, I can't believe you let our guy die.

01:28:55.000 And I was like, he's like, he's got a family.

01:28:57.000 I was like, it was too much.

01:29:00.000 Yeah, maybe it's not for you.

01:29:01.000 No.

01:29:01.000 Jamie, what was that?

01:29:02.000 Did I send you that thing with those goggles that you could use on Steam?

01:29:07.000 Dude, your brain is awesome.

01:29:10.000 I'm so glad we're going back to this because when you brought up the goggles earlier, I was like, fuck, we got off that.

01:29:14.000 But I'm really curious about that.

01:29:15.000 So thanks for getting us back there.

01:29:16.000 This Steam goggles is some new thing that I saw.

01:29:20.000 There's like a component that goes on the outside and there's a battery pack.

01:29:24.000 And it can either directly sync up to your computer or it works as a standalone.

01:29:30.000 And it's showing you like AR, all the video games that are on Steam.

01:29:36.000 It seems fucking nuts, right?

01:29:38.000 Yeah, that's kind of available now, though, already.

01:29:40.000 Right, but there's a new one that's supposed to be even better.

01:29:42.000 That's the one that I sent you.

01:29:43.000 I sent you that video, right?

01:29:44.000 Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, this, it's not, I don't want to shit on it too bad, but it's please do.

01:29:50.000 Because I want it.

01:29:50.000 It's not.

01:29:51.000 Yeah, it's not unfortunately like you can do this now.

01:29:53.000 Okay.

01:29:54.000 But my point is, this is supposed to be really good.

01:29:57.000 The new one.

01:29:58.000 And you could play games.

01:30:00.000 Like, what games are on Steam?

01:30:02.000 The Steam have Quake?

01:30:05.000 That's a misunderstanding.

01:30:06.000 I think you're misunderstanding that a little bit.

01:30:08.000 You can't play any game that's on Steam.

01:30:10.000 That's not what that meant.

01:30:11.000 So VR games are available through Steam, and you generally have to connect a wire or something.

01:30:16.000 I remember that giant setup we used to have back in the day.

01:30:17.000 Yes.

01:30:18.000 We were playing one of those games all through Steam.

01:30:20.000 Okay.

01:30:20.000 And we had it set up through a wire.

01:30:22.000 Yeah.

01:30:22.000 And so like the on like an Oculus headset, which is what this is sort of comparing itself to.

01:30:27.000 Right.

01:30:28.000 You have to download those games directly to that or like have it connected to your phone.

01:30:32.000 Right.

01:30:32.000 And without an extra wire or another device, you couldn't easily play Steam games before recently, but you kind of can now.

01:30:40.000 And so they've updated a device to be like, okay, well, we'll do that too though.

01:30:43.000 Like we just put all that tech in a this is my question.

01:30:46.000 The obvious one.

01:30:47.000 How long before you can play VR Quake?

01:30:51.000 That's they'd have to develop that in there, and I don't think that they want to.

01:30:54.000 And also on a multi-directional treadmill.

01:30:56.000 It's VR Quake.

01:30:57.000 It's too fast.

01:30:58.000 You'd get sick.

01:30:59.000 You would throw up.

01:31:00.000 You'd get sick.

01:31:01.000 Yeah, you'd get sick.

01:31:02.000 You're fine.

01:31:02.000 Everywhere.

01:31:02.000 Yes, you'd get sick.

01:31:03.000 There's no good movement.

01:31:04.000 I'd be fine.

01:31:05.000 There's no good movement.

01:31:06.000 I'd feel great.

01:31:07.000 I'm just saying, I'd do it fasted.

01:31:12.000 I could put the roller coaster thing on for you right now.

01:31:14.000 You'd probably see it real quick.

01:31:16.000 No, it's a hard pass.

01:31:17.000 Yeah.

01:31:18.000 No, I'm sure.

01:31:18.000 I'm kidding.

01:31:19.000 But I want to try.

01:31:20.000 I just feel like if they really did VR Quake and you're on one of those trends.

01:31:25.000 You ever see those they strap you in at the waist, these treadmills?

01:31:29.000 No.

01:31:29.000 And it's like a circle, and you can run in any direction.

01:31:33.000 Yeah, it's like a contained circle.

01:31:33.000 No.

01:31:35.000 What are they called?

01:31:35.000 Cool.

01:31:36.000 Multi-directional treadmills?

01:31:37.000 Is that what they're called?

01:31:38.000 Omni, omnidirectional treadmills.

01:31:40.000 So it's like, it's kind of like you're attached with like cables and you just run on this treadmill and you know you're running and shooting at things and like you're probably getting some legitimate exercise 1000% you are, especially if you're doing some game where you got to run from zombies.

01:31:54.000 You know you're running, you're fucking gunning them down and you're running and running down zombies, probably amazing.

01:31:59.000 Disney developed something that's not available yet.

01:32:01.000 They call it the hollow tile, which is an updated version of that which doesn't have to be on a treadmill.

01:32:05.000 Like you're, you're not attached to anything.

01:32:07.000 This guy's just standing still and walking whoa.

01:32:10.000 But this again like but wait a minute, are they like beads?

01:32:15.000 How is that working?

01:32:16.000 Talk to Disney, I don't, okay, but that doesn't seem like you can go fast.

01:32:20.000 Well, that's the.

01:32:21.000 You can't really go fast in this either.

01:32:23.000 You can't go fast.

01:32:24.000 I'm sure no one Noah, has your mom.

01:32:28.000 If, if everyone really liked it and it was that good, I would, me and RED BAND would have I was gonna say, RED BAND is all over this right yeah we, and it's just, it's not that good, it's well, what's it look like now?

01:32:38.000 Let me see what you got.

01:32:39.000 Let me see a dude doing it.

01:32:41.000 Total game changer.

01:32:42.000 That's that guy's sandals, and tell me if you want to be him.

01:32:47.000 Wait, here's his david.

01:32:48.000 Oh, verified buyer.

01:32:50.000 Let me read this.

01:32:50.000 That dude's got sandals with socks on.

01:32:52.000 I love my Omni One.

01:32:53.000 It has been a total game changer.

01:32:54.000 Game changer.

01:32:55.000 In just four months of thrilling Action Pack gaming, it has shattered my weight loss plateau and dropped an incredible 40 additional pounds, all while having an absolute blast.

01:33:02.000 See, that's what I was thinking.

01:33:03.000 Yeah, it could be legitimate exercise.

01:33:04.000 Yeah, are those?

01:33:05.000 No oh, that's his sneakers.

01:33:06.000 They're strapped in.

01:33:07.000 I thought he was wearing socks with sandals.

01:33:09.000 I was like that is the wackiest i've ever seen.

01:33:11.000 That seems kind of, though.

01:33:12.000 Most people don't want to be active while they're playing video games.

01:33:15.000 It's just like they're counterintuitive things.

01:33:17.000 Yeah yeah, but we're not talking about most people Jamie, i'm talking about a couple of athletes.

01:33:22.000 I'm talking about me wanting that thing yeah, in my life.

01:33:25.000 So when, when he's running on that thing, what does it look like?

01:33:28.000 Can we show me a video of someone using one?

01:33:30.000 Like i'd be down to go to the prehistoric era and chase fight, kill whatever it is dinosaurs, but be moving and shaking right yeah, versus just being stationary.

01:33:39.000 Yeah, I want to run from stuff.

01:33:41.000 I want bats chasing.

01:33:42.000 It's virtual reality.

01:33:42.000 It should be as real as possible.

01:33:44.000 Supposed to be scary, I mean that's.

01:33:46.000 And also you get a workout in.

01:33:47.000 Oh, that looks actually kind of cool.

01:33:49.000 Look how he's leaning so far forward there to do that like that's not comfortable.

01:33:55.000 But is he doing that on purpose?

01:33:56.000 I probably not.

01:33:58.000 He's probably trying to make it work.

01:33:59.000 Oh bro, this looks awesome.

01:34:00.000 You're, you are not dissuading me.

01:34:04.000 This looks amazing.

01:34:05.000 This does look awesome.

01:34:05.000 This could be the only oh, my god, the problem too.

01:34:07.000 This could be the only game that works on.

01:34:09.000 I want to shoot those things.

01:34:11.000 You got to get Martin Phillips.

01:34:12.000 What are there is what other things are happening in that game.

01:34:16.000 This is kind of my point with all of you.

01:34:17.000 I've tried to tell you before, if someone made a really good game by now, 10 years into this, everybody would know about it.

01:34:23.000 We would have talked about it.

01:34:24.000 Yeah, a bunch.

01:34:25.000 Yeah okay, what's just not.

01:34:27.000 What games can you play with this setup?

01:34:29.000 I've never.

01:34:30.000 I don't know, I don't know anybody that's ever used.

01:34:32.000 Well, this guy on the outside of the shoes, what are those?

01:34:36.000 He's got something on the outside of his neck, right.

01:34:38.000 It's like a strapped on thing, just like the other one was.

01:34:41.000 Yeah, it's so funny to see how far we've come.

01:34:43.000 Remember the Nintendo trackpad.

01:34:44.000 I mean dude, we are just leaps and bounds past that.

01:34:47.000 I think those things must have some sort of a sensor that lets you know where the foot is at any given time.

01:34:55.000 That makes sense, right?

01:34:56.000 So the game would know.

01:34:57.000 That would be the way the game would detect whether or not you're moving forward.

01:35:00.000 Oh, this seems so awesome.

01:35:04.000 Well, with all the stuff they do with the motion capture for the sports games is pretty incredible.

01:35:08.000 But if you could play games like Quake, where you could actually be holding up a plastic rifle and you're running down these hallways shooting down monsters and shit well, think about playing.

01:35:20.000 If you were playing like a Madden and you could like feel the impact of taking a hit or running it like I did.

01:35:26.000 That was not, as in the middle of this.

01:35:28.000 Uh, you know those gel Blaster things.

01:35:30.000 What's that like?

01:35:31.000 Tony gives away a kill, Tony.

01:35:34.000 Yeah, it's like a little bb gun.

01:35:35.000 Yeah, it's in the Gel Blaster.

01:35:38.000 Gel Blaster, it's little gel bbs, I guess.

01:35:40.000 Okay, they've hooked it up and made it computerized and you have sensors on, like vr or like laser tag.

01:35:45.000 It's in the middle of laser tag.

01:35:46.000 That's fun.

01:35:46.000 They put up giant things for you to run around cool, and it's scoring the whole time.

01:35:50.000 Cool voices talking to you saying like good job, you did it.

01:35:53.000 Like watch your health, get back.

01:35:54.000 You know, hide reload.

01:35:55.000 Birthday party idea, Joe, have you ever done paintball?

01:35:58.000 Yes, I did paintball.

01:35:59.000 When I lived in Boston there was this place that had like it was like a warehouse that had all black lights cool, and you had neon paintballs oh my god.

01:36:08.000 And you had wars, like with other teams.

01:36:11.000 It was so much fun outdoors.

01:36:13.000 Oh yeah, they light you up.

01:36:16.000 When they hit you you're like oh, that hurts.

01:36:18.000 Oh yeah, it actually hurts.

01:36:19.000 I got one the lower back.

01:36:21.000 Yeah, it's fun.

01:36:22.000 It is fun, it's very exciting.

01:36:23.000 They still do it right.

01:36:24.000 Yeah, oh yeah, they do it.

01:36:26.000 People get super serious.

01:36:27.000 They have like really sophisticated paintball guns now where they can shoot like multiple rounds, like semi-automatic paintball guns, like a big giant bottle at the bottom filled with paintballs.

01:36:38.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

01:36:39.000 My buddy did one for a work um, like team bonding thing.

01:36:42.000 Oh, he's like it did not end well, like people were fucking just.

01:36:46.000 It was almost like a work conference where people got up and maybe cheated.

01:36:50.000 It was just like a version of just people taken out, just people being, you know, just cheap shots, and also people getting hit and going after people they didn't like and yeah, but you know, yeah.

01:37:00.000 So people backfiring, oh no, people getting their Aggressions out on their employees, shooting them.

01:37:07.000 Fuck you, Joyce.

01:37:09.000 Sally!

01:37:10.000 Sally, you shot her in the face.

01:37:12.000 She's on your team.

01:37:14.000 Well, I made it better.

01:37:15.000 Bitch is never on my team.

01:37:17.000 Pulling hair.

01:37:19.000 Oh, my God.

01:37:19.000 Fuck you.

01:37:20.000 High heels in the air.

01:37:21.000 That's so funny.

01:37:24.000 Oh, my God.

01:37:26.000 She's never on my team.

01:37:28.000 Fuck that bitch.

01:37:29.000 You imagine having to work with someone you hate.

01:37:31.000 Imagine like eight hours every day with someone you fucking hate, doing something you hate with someone you hate.

01:37:37.000 Some shitty fucking person you share a cubicle with.

01:37:40.000 No, man, no.

01:37:42.000 Right next to you.

01:37:42.000 Dreading it.

01:37:43.000 Yeah, right next to you.

01:37:44.000 Talking shit.

01:37:46.000 That fucking bitch.

01:37:47.000 And there's no way to spin it.

01:37:48.000 Yeah.

01:37:49.000 You're stuck.

01:37:49.000 Nah.

01:37:50.000 And then you got to like behave with the office culture.

01:37:53.000 I bad groceries at Albertson's for a little bit.

01:37:55.000 And there were some people there that sucks, but like, you know, I didn't see them every day.

01:37:58.000 Yeah, you're moving around.

01:37:59.000 Moving around.

01:38:00.000 Yeah.

01:38:00.000 You're doing stuff.

01:38:01.000 Oh, but if you're locked in a cube, what a bummer.

01:38:04.000 That's a fucking horrible way to live.

01:38:06.000 Thank God we were delusional.

01:38:08.000 Thank God.

01:38:09.000 We need more delusional people out there.

01:38:09.000 Right?

01:38:11.000 That's why I'm a big supporter of Adderall.

01:38:13.000 Like, more people should be.

01:38:14.000 All right.

01:38:14.000 Quibble sponsors.

01:38:16.000 I did it once.

01:38:17.000 Did you?

01:38:18.000 I did it once, and I went out to, I was doing, it was a year after I graduated, and my buddy was like, come out to the West Hollywood Halloween party with me.

01:38:26.000 He's like, it's supposed to be crazy, like 200,000 people.

01:38:29.000 I don't know if you ever in LA saw that.

01:38:31.000 It was like up and down Santa Monica Boulevard, just the ultimate chaos, right, in the gay part of LA.

01:38:39.000 And so I was like, oh, I'm going to do some content then.

01:38:41.000 So I got my buddy with a camera to like interview people because the costumes, Jeff Scott from the store used to go down there all the time.

01:38:47.000 He would build elaborate costumes.

01:38:49.000 People would spend, I mean, I talked to a guy who said he spent 80 grand on a full Batman suit.

01:38:55.000 I'm not joking.

01:38:57.000 And there was a guy, there was a guy, Adam and Eve.

01:38:59.000 They were just buck naked with a couple things.

01:39:00.000 And I'm just talking to everybody.

01:39:02.000 I think I may have taken off my YouTube, but I was so tired.

01:39:07.000 And my buddy was like, you want an Adderall?

01:39:08.000 And I've never done it.

01:39:09.000 And Joe, I felt, I have never done it since.

01:39:11.000 I was 2006.

01:39:12.000 I felt unbelievable, dude.

01:39:14.000 That's what scares me.

01:39:15.000 I felt unbelievable.

01:39:17.000 And I was locked in, dude.

01:39:20.000 You were selling me something right there.

01:39:21.000 You were ready to sell some real estate.

01:39:23.000 I've never snapped at anybody.

01:39:24.000 It was a bit.

01:39:25.000 I was a character.

01:39:27.000 Yeah, it's weird, right?

01:39:28.000 Yeah.

01:39:29.000 I was so focused, but I didn't feel like my heart was racing too fast.

01:39:32.000 That sounds incredible.

01:39:33.000 Yeah, that's the problem.

01:39:34.000 It sounds incredible.

01:39:35.000 It's like when Hunter Biden describes crack.

01:39:37.000 Like, that sounds incredible.

01:39:39.000 The only reason I didn't do it is because it sounded too good.

01:39:42.000 You know, under my administration, we had the first black mermaid.

01:39:42.000 Yeah.

01:39:46.000 Who's that?

01:39:48.000 Biden.

01:39:49.000 Who's the black mermaid?

01:39:50.000 The little mermaid that was black.

01:39:52.000 Oh, that's right.

01:39:53.000 I forgot.

01:39:53.000 Yeah.

01:39:54.000 I missed that.

01:39:55.000 I missed that outrage.

01:39:56.000 Yeah.

01:39:56.000 It's okay.

01:39:57.000 Great name for a title of a special.

01:39:59.000 Outrage.

01:40:00.000 I missed that outrage.

01:40:01.000 Maybe it's a little long.

01:40:02.000 No, it's not bad.

01:40:04.000 Missed that outrage.

01:40:04.000 You jamming on another one?

01:40:07.000 I am putting together material now, you know, the weird process of subtraction, deletion, addition, expansion.

01:40:17.000 It's like fucking around.

01:40:19.000 I'm doing it at my own pace.

01:40:21.000 Yeah.

01:40:21.000 So I'm not this word.

01:40:23.000 I'm just thinking about having fun and doing things that I find interesting.

01:40:29.000 Like, you know, it's like you don't need to, I mean, what it having.

01:40:34.000 What's up?

01:40:35.000 Go ahead.

01:40:36.000 No, I was going to say having a club and having to not go on the road is huge.

01:40:40.000 And it gives you a chance to like, I think sometimes when, I don't know, a lot of people have this issue.

01:40:46.000 Like you do a special and then you're supposed to go on tour like four or five months later and you don't really have enough material yet.

01:40:52.000 So you start putting together stuff that you think will work rather than stuff that you really like.

01:40:56.000 Whoa.

01:40:57.000 Yep.

01:40:57.000 You know?

01:40:58.000 So that's where my head's at.

01:41:00.000 Yeah.

01:41:01.000 Just talk about stuff you really like.

01:41:02.000 Sometimes it's hard, like the subjects that I'm really interested in right now, some of them are just not that funny.

01:41:09.000 They're just too weird.

01:41:11.000 It's hard to figure out a way to make some of these ideas into comedy.

01:41:16.000 When you're giving yourself ample time to marinate and play around, if you don't have like a, I'm going to shoot something in.

01:41:22.000 I mean, I don't know.

01:41:23.000 Having, I guess there's, again, goals are good too.

01:41:25.000 Totally.

01:41:26.000 Because they force you to work.

01:41:27.000 They force you to give a sense of urgency.

01:41:30.000 I think at a certain point in time, a goal is good too.

01:41:32.000 But I also think there's a meandering period.

01:41:35.000 That's important.

01:41:35.000 Yep.

01:41:36.000 You got to explore.

01:41:37.000 Yeah.

01:41:39.000 Otherwise, you're going to get stuck.

01:41:41.000 I'm doing my first weekend of the mothership in February.

01:41:41.000 Yeah.

01:41:43.000 I'm fired up.

01:41:44.000 Yeah.

01:41:44.000 I'm fired up.

01:41:44.000 Oh, shit.

01:41:45.000 Very exciting.

01:41:46.000 I mean, just being there last night, Shane brought me up.

01:41:48.000 Man, he murdered himself.

01:41:50.000 He's fucking so funny.

01:41:52.000 Were you guys on the late show?

01:41:53.000 Yeah, nice.

01:41:53.000 Yeah.

01:41:54.000 And I went over to see Queens of the Stone Age.

01:41:56.000 They were doing this ACL live.

01:41:58.000 Yeah.

01:41:59.000 They're here tonight, too.

01:42:00.000 Tony's going tonight.

01:42:00.000 Yeah.

01:42:02.000 They were so good, dude.

01:42:03.000 They're great.

01:42:04.000 I met Josh the first Dr. Phil live show we did, Bird did at the store, and he brought Josh.

01:42:08.000 And he was just like, Yeah, Bird told me he was doing the Dr. Phil show.

01:42:11.000 And I was like, What the fuck is that?

01:42:12.000 And we just became homies.

01:42:13.000 And so he came, invited me over there.

01:42:18.000 And it was, I didn't see that ACL Live studio before.

01:42:20.000 It's awesome.

01:42:21.000 It's like a TV studio, but it's three levels.

01:42:24.000 And it was like a really intimate, probably 500.

01:42:26.000 Jamie, have you been there?

01:42:27.000 Yeah.

01:42:28.000 That's where that one, Kill Tony, was.

01:42:31.000 I thought you were saying studio.

01:42:32.000 I was confused.

01:42:33.000 Well, it's like a town ACL live.

01:42:35.000 Yeah, I've done it.

01:42:36.000 Okay.

01:42:36.000 Oh, wow.

01:42:37.000 I've done that.

01:42:38.000 But they ripped it.

01:42:38.000 It was awesome.

01:42:39.000 Dude, I feel like them, Foo Fighters, like there's a handful of bands that you're just like, oh, you guys are rock stars, dude.

01:42:46.000 And Josh sounds so fucking good vocally.

01:42:49.000 And the band is so dialed in.

01:42:51.000 I mean, there's, I think, six of them in the group.

01:42:52.000 And that was awesome, man.

01:42:54.000 Yeah, he's a nice guy.

01:42:55.000 I had him on a podcast once back in the day.

01:42:56.000 Nice.

01:42:57.000 Back in the LA days.

01:42:59.000 Yeah.

01:43:00.000 We got a Queens of the Stone Age poster up in the green room.

01:43:04.000 Tony showed it to him.

01:43:05.000 He's like, oh, that's fucking great.

01:43:06.000 Yeah, Adam gave it to me.

01:43:06.000 Awesome.

01:43:08.000 I was like, oh, this is such a cool photo and belongs to me.

01:43:10.000 Yeah, my friend Josh gave me this poster.

01:43:12.000 I don't know if you want to have it.

01:43:15.000 Norm liked him too.

01:43:16.000 I don't know.

01:43:19.000 I was going to see him, man.

01:43:21.000 That's pretty close.

01:43:22.000 It's all right.

01:43:23.000 That's all right.

01:43:24.000 It's pretty close.

01:43:25.000 You know, when I first met Adam Eagot, I love this guy.

01:43:28.000 I don't think I've ever told you the story.

01:43:29.000 The Tempe Improv when he was booking the Tempi Improv.

01:43:32.000 That's when I met him.

01:43:34.000 He, it's 2010, so I'm three years into doing stand-up.

01:43:37.000 He comes to the Hollywood Improv.

01:43:38.000 He's trying to just scout young comics to come out and feature at the improv.

01:43:43.000 They gave him jurisdiction to start bringing people out to feature and just, you know, we'll fly you out, put you up.

01:43:49.000 And so I meet him at the improv and he's like, man, I think you should come out and do, you ever know Jim Florentine?

01:43:54.000 Yeah, maybe you can feature for him Florentine.

01:43:56.000 I ended up breaking my ankle playing an outdoor basketball game with Sam Tribly.

01:44:00.000 Shattered my ankle and couldn't go.

01:44:02.000 And then Matt Bronger was going to be there in December.

01:44:04.000 And he's like, no, you can do the Bronger weekend, but it's also the holiday show.

01:44:08.000 So you got to be clean.

01:44:10.000 And I was like, fine, I'll just take out the F-bombs.

01:44:12.000 I was not filthy aside from that.

01:44:13.000 I did have one joke that was this like PSA joke about how it's all these celebrities talking about things that you like can't really relate to.

01:44:22.000 You need like a guy.

01:44:23.000 It was always like, you know, Johnny Depp being like, you know, you need to read more to your kids, you know, and blah, blah, blah.

01:44:30.000 And then it would be, I was like, why isn't there a guy that's just like, what's up?

01:44:33.000 My name's Cameron.

01:44:34.000 Life gets tough, you know?

01:44:36.000 So make sure to tell your doctor to put, please refill in your Viking order.

01:44:40.000 That way you can sell the pills for $10 a piece to your deadbeat Pill Poppins friends and finally get enough cash to buy that 20-inch physio flat screen that your slutty ass girlfriend said was going to take up too much space in the apartment.

01:44:49.000 Well, good thing she showed you her bipolar side because now you're free from her bullshit annex.

01:44:53.000 Fuck you, Beth, you dumb cunt.

01:44:56.000 And I have like a PSA at the end of it.

01:44:58.000 I did that at the show and I said, cunt.

01:45:01.000 And I got fired from the weekend.

01:45:03.000 And Adam comes up to me and he goes, oh man, I put me in a tough position, man.

01:45:06.000 I got to fire you.

01:45:07.000 And I was like, what?

01:45:08.000 And he goes, I told you to be clean.

01:45:10.000 I go, I know, I totally fucked up.

01:45:12.000 I rolled the dice.

01:45:13.000 They had me go up and do 10 and then five and then 10 again.

01:45:16.000 And I was crushing and it was great.

01:45:18.000 But the owner at the time, I think he's passed, was super like conservative Christian.

01:45:24.000 And even though all the holiday parties were coming up to me and being like, Dude, super funny.

01:45:29.000 Adam's like, dude, we have to.

01:45:29.000 That was great.

01:45:32.000 The manager at the time, this guy named Eddie, was like, we got to get this guy out of here because if there are complaints, then we like, we got rid of the problem, you know?

01:45:39.000 And meanwhile, I'm looking up and I'm seeing Bronger kind of cursing and whatever.

01:45:43.000 And the manager was like, well, he's the headliner.

01:45:45.000 And I was like, oh, I think I'm being used as a scapegoat, but I get it because I did tell Adam I'd be clean and I fucked up.

01:45:50.000 Adam, though, then comes over with me.

01:45:52.000 He felt bad that I felt bad that I fucked up.

01:45:55.000 And we go to the bar next door.

01:45:56.000 We rip it up.

01:45:57.000 We chat and we stayed in touch.

01:45:59.000 And like, he didn't like hold it against me.

01:46:01.000 And still a homie to this day.

01:46:04.000 Yeah, he's a good dude.

01:46:06.000 You know, that's, you're not supposed to say cunt when you're on a clean show.

01:46:10.000 Part of the thing.

01:46:11.000 Fucked up.

01:46:12.000 And I was up until that point, it was the last joke I did, and I just rolled the dice.

01:46:12.000 Yeah.

01:46:15.000 And I started doing it.

01:46:16.000 And I wasn't savvy enough to like, I was like, this is how it ends.

01:46:20.000 Have you always been able to do impressions like this?

01:46:23.000 What is that?

01:46:24.000 I don't know.

01:46:25.000 Because you do a lot of impressions.

01:46:26.000 Pretty good ear, yeah.

01:46:27.000 Yeah.

01:46:28.000 Where'd that come from?

01:46:29.000 When did you start doing that?

01:46:30.000 Impersonating teachers and friends as a kid, I think.

01:46:34.000 I was a real big kid, and there was a girl that every, the first impression I remember doing was this girl named Annie, and she was like the young hot girl in school, and everybody had a crush on her.

01:46:43.000 And I had bigger tits than her.

01:46:44.000 I was a real big kid, and she had a real big crush on my buddy.

01:46:47.000 So I remember I prank called my buddy as her with a couple other friends, like pretending to be her, calling him.

01:46:54.000 And he believed it.

01:46:56.000 And we had like a 20-minute conference.

01:46:58.000 No way.

01:46:58.000 Fourth grade.

01:46:59.000 Hear what it sounds like.

01:46:59.000 Yeah.

01:47:00.000 Well, I can act.

01:47:01.000 I can remember, I can tap into how I would do it because it was like in the back of my throat.

01:47:05.000 It was like really like, hey, Evan, what's going on?

01:47:08.000 Obviously, my voice is way deeper now, but that's what I would do.

01:47:10.000 That would be a problem.

01:47:11.000 I'd be like, who the fuck is this?

01:47:13.000 And how big's your dick?

01:47:15.000 This is crazy.

01:47:16.000 I'll send you a link.

01:47:18.000 So then I would start doing.

01:47:19.000 What size shoe do you wear, Evelyn?

01:47:23.000 Evelyn, you're killing the comedy names for these bits.

01:47:28.000 So teachers, friends, and then I did, I went to my friend's like water sports camp that was like all, it was a Christian water sports camp.

01:47:37.000 But I was buddies with them.

01:47:38.000 So like, yeah, you can come and like just skip the Jesus talk, I guess.

01:47:42.000 Even though the guy tried to convert me, he was like, I know you're a Jew, but you're the only Jew here.

01:47:46.000 I was like, yeah, this doesn't feel like a conversation we need to have about that.

01:47:50.000 He was trying to convert you?

01:47:51.000 Yeah.

01:47:51.000 How did he do it?

01:47:52.000 I can't totally remember, but it was something about the core sucking your dick.

01:47:56.000 It did a little bit.

01:47:56.000 It sounded like it.

01:47:57.000 And letting Jesus into my heart.

01:47:59.000 He's like, and Jesus would love to see if you could fit around this.

01:48:03.000 But I remember for the talent show, I did like, I did a bunch of impressions.

01:48:07.000 I did like, what did I do?

01:48:08.000 I did a, I think a Clinton and a Cosby and a, that age, well, and then I did a master splinter from Ninja Turtles and like Mike Tyson.

01:48:16.000 I just, I don't know.

01:48:17.000 I think I always have a pretty good ear, but like, but I want to go back to how this guy tried to convert you.

01:48:22.000 Oh, shit.

01:48:24.000 He had a Bible.

01:48:26.000 He wouldn't, he just sat.

01:48:27.000 I got out of it pretty quick because I was like, I'm here for the jet skiing and the camaraderie.

01:48:30.000 And he was like, I think you're really missing out on letting Christ into your heart.

01:48:34.000 He's like, and he kept asking me like, is life going great for you?

01:48:38.000 I'm like, I don't know.

01:48:39.000 My mom's holding on four or five jobs.

01:48:41.000 Like, I can afford, you know, she didn't buy me Jordans, but I got the, I got the Patrick Ewings, you know, we're doing okay.

01:48:48.000 And he just kept trying to be like, you could be doing better than you are now, and Jesus will fix that was like kind of the moral style.

01:48:55.000 Wow.

01:48:55.000 Yeah.

01:48:55.000 Jesus is going to fix yourself.

01:48:56.000 He went hard in the paint.

01:48:57.000 Whole life.

01:48:57.000 Yeah.

01:48:58.000 He's like, do you know why your dad left?

01:49:00.000 Yeah, he did not.

01:49:00.000 Whoa.

01:49:01.000 I swear to God, yeah.

01:49:02.000 He brought up a little divorce.

01:49:03.000 Because you didn't have Jesus in your heart.

01:49:05.000 I don't know if you were going there.

01:49:06.000 You didn't have Jesus in his heart.

01:49:08.000 That was probably insinuating.

01:49:09.000 If you found Jesus, how does the dad get back in?

01:49:11.000 Great question.

01:49:12.000 Great question.

01:49:12.000 He doesn't.

01:49:13.000 He doesn't.

01:49:13.000 This is terrible logic.

01:49:14.000 Yeah.

01:49:16.000 Yeah, he went hard in the paint.

01:49:17.000 He was a young guy, too.

01:49:17.000 Wow.

01:49:19.000 Those are always sus.

01:49:20.000 Yeah.

01:49:20.000 Those young hard in the paint guys are very sus.

01:49:22.000 Yeah, he was trying to, I think he was almost like he's a young door-to-door salesman.

01:49:25.000 He's like, if I can convert the Jew on this camp, maybe I'll get my, I'll get Delta status.

01:49:30.000 I'll be a golden gallon.

01:49:33.000 Yeah.

01:49:34.000 Yeah, it's a, it's a weird one, right?

01:49:36.000 But the uh, but the voices, I just, I don't know, an ear for it, I guess, you know, like being, but I don't even having doing the character stuff and having being able to actually transform helps a lot.

01:49:46.000 Being able to like see myself.

01:49:48.000 You're trying to bring that guy into your act.

01:49:50.000 The guy who's trying to hurt everybody.

01:49:52.000 I really should, to be honest with you.

01:49:53.000 100%.

01:49:54.000 Johnny Depp and the guy who's always trying to convert everyone to Jesus.

01:49:57.000 And Jesus will fix everything that's wrong.

01:50:00.000 Everything that's wrong.

01:50:00.000 Everything.

01:50:01.000 I guess, and I just, I didn't know enough about it to give him.

01:50:06.000 I don't know.

01:50:06.000 I also just like, I don't know, man.

01:50:07.000 I'm pretty reform with Judaism anyway.

01:50:10.000 When I was in college, when I was at UMass, there was this girl that was in my class, this really hot Puerto Rican girl with glasses.

01:50:10.000 Like, you know.

01:50:17.000 She was so pretty.

01:50:19.000 And she was really friendly.

01:50:20.000 And she kept inviting me to these things.

01:50:23.000 Like she invited me to this weekend retreat that her and her friends were going to.

01:50:27.000 And I was like, whoa, this is crazy.

01:50:29.000 This really hot girl's inviting me to go to this thing.

01:50:33.000 I felt like I was kind of a loser.

01:50:34.000 Like, why is she inviting me?

01:50:35.000 This is crazy.

01:50:37.000 But I couldn't go.

01:50:38.000 I had an event.

01:50:39.000 I forget what I had.

01:50:40.000 I think I had a fight.

01:50:41.000 I forget.

01:50:42.000 I was still competing back then, I think.

01:50:44.000 And so then, might not have been.

01:50:47.000 I don't know what the fuck it was.

01:50:48.000 It might have been a comedy show back then, actually.

01:50:49.000 Now I think about it, it was probably early 90s.

01:50:53.000 So when I was in class, we all found out that there was a plane crash.

01:51:00.000 It was one of the Trump planes.

01:51:02.000 Trump had an airline for a while.

01:51:04.000 I don't know if you remember this.

01:51:05.000 No, Trump Air?

01:51:06.000 Yeah.

01:51:07.000 And one of the planes, the landing gear, didn't come out right.

01:51:11.000 And the plane skid across the one way, and the people lived, and they were fine.

01:51:16.000 So I'd heard about it, and they were all sitting eating lunch.

01:51:20.000 So I went into the lunchroom and I said, Hey, did you guys hear about the plane crash?

01:51:24.000 And they go, no.

01:51:24.000 I go, yeah, this is crazy.

01:51:25.000 I go, everybody lived.

01:51:27.000 What happened was the plane skid to the runway and the landing gear didn't come off.

01:51:31.000 So it's like just the bottom of the plane.

01:51:33.000 But everybody lived.

01:51:34.000 And then the hot Puerto Rican girl goes, oh, praise God.

01:51:38.000 Then they all started saying, Praise God.

01:51:38.000 Praise God.

01:51:40.000 Praise God.

01:51:41.000 And I was like, oh, you guys are trying to get me to go to a religious retreat.

01:51:48.000 I'm like, okay, I thought you were going to the bang bus.

01:51:51.000 So then I started asking questions.

01:51:52.000 So I'm like, so are you guys like hardcore Christians?

01:51:57.000 Like, what are you guys?

01:51:58.000 And they're like, yes.

01:51:59.000 You know, and we wanted to invite you to, you know, take Jesus into your life and to join us in this retreat.

01:52:04.000 I was like, yeah, I'm not going to do that.

01:52:08.000 But thank you for that.

01:52:09.000 Now I know why you wanted me to go.

01:52:11.000 I thought she liked me.

01:52:12.000 Bummer.

01:52:13.000 It was a bummer.

01:52:14.000 But made more sense.

01:52:14.000 Yeah.

01:52:16.000 I was like, okay, that makes sense.

01:52:17.000 Yeah.

01:52:17.000 You're trying to recruit.

01:52:18.000 And that's how they do it.

01:52:19.000 They get this hot girl to recruit people.

01:52:21.000 Yeah, I mean, smart on their plane.

01:52:22.000 Smart.

01:52:23.000 But I wonder what it was, really, because it seemed a little cultish.

01:52:25.000 It seemed really odd.

01:52:27.000 It wasn't just like, you know, there's a lot of Christians that I know that are great people.

01:52:30.000 And if you told them about a plane crash, they'd be like, oh, thank God.

01:52:33.000 Thank God.

01:52:34.000 But it would be like a normal way to say thank God.

01:52:36.000 You know what I mean?

01:52:37.000 It was a weird, praise God.

01:52:39.000 Praise God.

01:52:40.000 They were all saying, praise God.

01:52:42.000 And it was odd.

01:52:44.000 It wasn't as simple as, oh, thank God everybody's okay.

01:52:46.000 Yeah.

01:52:47.000 Oh, thank goodness.

01:52:48.000 Thank God.

01:52:48.000 Yeah.

01:52:49.000 You know, oh, I pray for those people that they, okay, that's normal.

01:52:53.000 Yeah.

01:52:53.000 There's something about, praise God.

01:52:56.000 And all of them saying it.

01:52:56.000 Praise God.

01:52:57.000 I was like, oh, no.

01:52:59.000 God damn it.

01:53:00.000 Drink this, Joseph.

01:53:01.000 It was like I was in a zombie movie where everybody's turning.

01:53:05.000 A woman came over to me after my show last weekend and goes, I heard you talk about being nervous flying on stage.

01:53:05.000 I was like, oh.

01:53:10.000 And I ran to my car and I know you're a Jew, but I brought you a Bible.

01:53:15.000 I go, I think I'm all right.

01:53:17.000 And she goes, well, wouldn't you like to know where you're going when you die?

01:53:22.000 If the plane goes down?

01:53:23.000 I go, to be honest, no, I'm rocking out to my favorite Phil Collins song, hoping that the plane reroutes itself and we actually live.

01:53:31.000 If the plane is shaking in a certain way, I don't just go, all right, well, at least I'm going.

01:53:37.000 I'm like, fuck, no, I hope we get out of this.

01:53:39.000 But she was like, oh, well, you wouldn't just.

01:53:41.000 And then she kept pushing it.

01:53:43.000 And she was like, I really think Jesus.

01:53:46.000 And then I go, with all due respect, like, I thought you just came in line to take a picture and say hello.

01:53:46.000 And she kept going off.

01:53:51.000 You know, I hope you had a good time at the show.

01:53:53.000 She goes, I'm going to go try that guy.

01:53:54.000 And it's my opener.

01:53:55.000 I go, he's more Jewy than I am.

01:53:57.000 So thanks to luck.

01:53:58.000 And she went over to him and I just see him going.

01:54:01.000 Like, you know, I tried to be nice and be like, you know, it's.

01:54:05.000 And I was very, I tried to be very, you know, sweet and be like, thanks, but no thanks.

01:54:09.000 But just so pushy, man.

01:54:11.000 There's a lot of people that it gives them validation.

01:54:15.000 Yeah, she didn't like that.

01:54:16.000 You'll follow what they're doing.

01:54:19.000 Like, and they also want to guide you.

01:54:22.000 They want to help you.

01:54:23.000 She thought I was not control you.

01:54:25.000 Yeah.

01:54:26.000 Very weird.

01:54:26.000 I got no problem if you're like, I want to shoot my shot and see if you're into this.

01:54:29.000 But once I was like, no, thanks.

01:54:30.000 But then there was a shift in her eyes of like, oof, you're this.

01:54:33.000 Well, she really believes it.

01:54:34.000 She's probably schizophrenic.

01:54:36.000 Yeah.

01:54:36.000 She's probably got a mild touch.

01:54:38.000 Just a touch of the skits.

01:54:40.000 Touch of the skits.

01:54:41.000 Touch of the skits.

01:54:42.000 There's a lot of folks out there with a touch.

01:54:43.000 Sure.

01:54:44.000 I don't think it's schizophrenic all full-blown.

01:54:46.000 No.

01:54:47.000 There's a lot of people that are just oddly out of touch.

01:54:49.000 We just got to go, I don't think you and I are experiencing the same game.

01:54:54.000 I'm trying to cross the sidewalk.

01:54:56.000 You're trying to eat it.

01:54:58.000 You're on some weird level where you're not seeing things the way everybody else does.

01:55:02.000 Very weird.

01:55:03.000 Some people are like that and they ruin the idea of religion for a lot of folks because it's like you associate religion with like kooks.

01:55:11.000 You know?

01:55:12.000 Yeah.

01:55:12.000 It's, yeah.

01:55:13.000 I don't know.

01:55:14.000 To need being a good person is a pretty easy formula, too.

01:55:17.000 That's, I have one friend that's just so, God bless him.

01:55:20.000 He's just so hardcore conservative Christian.

01:55:23.000 And I'm like, do you need all that to justify being a good person?

01:55:26.000 Like, isn't it like, aren't there some golden rules you can follow of treating people the way you want to be treated?

01:55:32.000 He's just, it's just too much, in my opinion, you know, but yeah.

01:55:38.000 Well, I think it's a good, it's like a good scaffolding for morals and ethics.

01:55:45.000 That's the best thing about religion.

01:55:47.000 And if you follow people that are like devoutly religion, most religions, there's a few religions that preach some sort of some pretty radical violence.

01:55:55.000 But for the most part, what they're trying to get you to do is be a better person.

01:56:00.000 They're trying to get you to follow morals and ethics and don't lie and love your neighbor and be a kind person.

01:56:07.000 Totally.

01:56:08.000 But you can do that without it, can't you?

01:56:09.000 You can, but it helps.

01:56:10.000 Yeah.

01:56:11.000 It really does.

01:56:12.000 And there's something about like going to a church where everybody has the same thought.

01:56:15.000 You're all there for the same reason.

01:56:16.000 Yeah.

01:56:17.000 You're all there to give your mind, like give your consciousness, like think about the concept of this higher power and think about what these lessons that are in the Bible really refer to and what they really mean and what actually really probably happened.

01:56:34.000 And it's interesting because you meet like the nicest people that do that.

01:56:38.000 So it does work.

01:56:39.000 That's the thing.

01:56:40.000 It's like you could get hung up in the weeds about whether or not you believe Adam and Eve were the first real people.

01:56:47.000 Like, that seems a little sus.

01:56:49.000 You know, the whole Noah's Ark, like, what?

01:56:52.000 That seems a little sus.

01:56:54.000 I think outside of that, what you're really dealing with is a bunch of stories where people are trying to accurately depict real events, but doing it after hundreds of years of just telling stories by the campfires.

01:57:09.000 And a lot of it's distorted by translations.

01:57:12.000 A lot of it's distorted over time.

01:57:14.000 But I think they were trying to say something very profound.

01:57:19.000 And I don't know what really happened, but I think what they're trying to do is give you some sort of a history of human beings on earth.

01:57:28.000 It's just a very weird one.

01:57:30.000 Because if you get into the Old Testament, like the Old Testament has some wild shit in it, man.

01:57:36.000 You get into like Ezekiel's story of seeing the wheel within a wheel in the sky and like heads of animals and all these.

01:57:44.000 Like, what the fuck did you see?

01:57:45.000 Yeah, I got to finish my ghost first.

01:57:47.000 I got time for that.

01:57:49.000 But people that follow Christianity, that actually do follow it and are like real Christians are some of the nicest people I've ever met in my life.

01:57:57.000 So my point about that is like, you could get hung up on the weeds on whether or not you think it's a stupid thing to do.

01:58:02.000 But man, it works.

01:58:03.000 It makes for nicer people.

01:58:05.000 Sure.

01:58:06.000 And so that's why I support it.

01:58:08.000 I support that idea of any religion that makes you nice.

01:58:11.000 Like even Mormons.

01:58:12.000 It's kind of ridiculous.

01:58:14.000 There's a guy, Joseph Smith, who wrote it.

01:58:17.000 He was 14.

01:58:18.000 Yeah.

01:58:18.000 He seems to be a little bit of a con man.

01:58:20.000 Yeah.

01:58:20.000 You know, said he found golden tablets that contained the lost work of Jesus.

01:58:24.000 And when they said, well, where is it?

01:58:25.000 They go, oh, the angels came and took it away because they didn't think he believed.

01:58:29.000 Only he could read it because he had a magic rock.

01:58:30.000 Like, okay, that's crazy.

01:58:33.000 You get your own planet when you die.

01:58:33.000 Wow.

01:58:35.000 Okay.

01:58:35.000 Yeah.

01:58:35.000 What?

01:58:36.000 But Mormons are the nicest fucking people on earth.

01:58:38.000 Totally.

01:58:39.000 They are the nicest, fucking friendliest, sweetest people.

01:58:43.000 And now they have their own show, The Secret Wives of Mormon, do they?

01:58:46.000 I haven't watched it.

01:58:46.000 It's like incredibly popular.

01:58:48.000 Is it?

01:58:49.000 Yeah.

01:58:49.000 Is it any good?

01:58:51.000 I try to watch one episode.

01:58:52.000 I think my wife's into it.

01:58:53.000 It's definitely a new.

01:58:54.000 I think she's into it.

01:58:56.000 It's a real housewives type show.

01:58:58.000 But the girl from it apparently is now going to be the new Bachelorette.

01:58:58.000 Oh, yeah.

01:59:01.000 So that's how popular it got.

01:59:03.000 I saw an ad the other day for the Golden Bachelor.

01:59:06.000 They're letting old people fuck.

01:59:08.000 Bro, it's, yeah.

01:59:09.000 Do the old people get after it?

01:59:11.000 It's the guy who was like 77.

01:59:11.000 It's, bro.

01:59:13.000 The woman was like 74, but she looks 73.

01:59:16.000 Whoa.

01:59:17.000 And they get after it?

01:59:18.000 It's like, yeah, it's like.

01:59:19.000 Do they make out?

01:59:20.000 Oh, bro.

01:59:22.000 I mean, it's really, it's like they've got one last shot at love.

01:59:25.000 Whoa.

01:59:26.000 Is that really what they're saying?

01:59:27.000 Yeah.

01:59:28.000 We'll see if when they wake up from their nap, if this match is really a true match.

01:59:28.000 No.

01:59:32.000 Oh, boy.

01:59:33.000 Yeah.

01:59:34.000 And they've all lost somebody.

01:59:35.000 I mean, I watched the first season.

01:59:36.000 Oh.

01:59:37.000 It was gripping.

01:59:40.000 There's something about being lonely and old.

01:59:42.000 Well, they've all, all their, you know, the bachelor and bachelorette are just like, you know, my name's Kimberly, and, you know, I'm 29.

01:59:50.000 I'm like, I'm just tired of fuck boys.

01:59:53.000 And Golden Bachelor, she's like, my name's Teresa.

01:59:56.000 I'm 75.

01:59:57.000 My husband died four years ago.

02:00:00.000 And I don't know if I'll ever see another penis, but I hope I do.

02:00:04.000 I'm paraphrasing, but she's jumping back in.

02:00:06.000 And the guy was like, dude, Prince Charming.

02:00:10.000 He looked like Vince McMahon.

02:00:11.000 fuck Pat Sajak what was the one where they turned out to be a creep though by the way He told, let me say this real quick: this report just came out.

02:00:18.000 One of the girls goes, who got picked?

02:00:20.000 The Golden Bachelor picked her.

02:00:22.000 And she goes, Yeah.

02:00:23.000 They split shortly after because he was just fucking a lot of people.

02:00:26.000 This guy was 75.

02:00:27.000 He was just cheating on her.

02:00:29.000 She goes, Yeah, he took me on a walk and said, If I ever kill you, this is where I'll chop you up and leave your body.

02:00:34.000 That report came out like three, four days ago.

02:00:36.000 Whoa.

02:00:37.000 That's what the Golden Bachelor said.

02:00:39.000 Did they vet this fella?

02:00:40.000 There he is.

02:00:41.000 Who said that?

02:00:42.000 Jerry, I think.

02:00:43.000 And Teresa.

02:00:44.000 Jesus.

02:00:45.000 He looks like a guy.

02:00:47.000 Who would chop you up?

02:00:49.000 Why say that?

02:00:50.000 He looks like a guy that would say it at least.

02:00:51.000 Oh, yeah.

02:00:52.000 What was that show where they had these young guys, like these older ladies, like MILFs?

02:00:59.000 MILF Island.

02:01:00.000 Yes.

02:01:00.000 And then it turns out to be the sons of the other ladies on the show, and they start hooking up.

02:01:06.000 Stop, dude.

02:01:06.000 Yes.

02:01:07.000 Stop.

02:01:08.000 Yeah.

02:01:10.000 I couldn't even bring myself to watch it.

02:01:12.000 I didn't see you host that, dude.

02:01:13.000 I don't want that.

02:01:13.000 You should have hosted that, dude.

02:01:15.000 I already hosted people eating animal dicks on TV.

02:01:18.000 I think there's a special place to be.

02:01:19.000 Really, by the way.

02:01:20.000 Thank you.

02:01:21.000 That was such a good show, man.

02:01:23.000 MILF Manor.

02:01:24.000 MILF Manor.

02:01:25.000 So that's the story, right?

02:01:26.000 Like they brought in the sons of the other ladies.

02:01:28.000 Let me see.

02:01:30.000 They put out a trailer and they were very vague about what the full.

02:01:33.000 Yeah, that's what it is.

02:01:34.000 I mean, these hot MILFs, and then, you know, they have like 20-year-old sons, and then the 20-year-old sons of the island just bang in your mom's friend.

02:01:44.000 Why isn't there just Anal Island at this point?

02:01:46.000 I mean, we're so close.

02:01:47.000 It's like some of these even love it.

02:01:49.000 That's a lot.

02:01:50.000 Yeah, you're right.

02:01:50.000 There's probably a porn you can get.

02:01:52.000 I bet if you just Google Anal Island, use your VPN because we're in Texas.

02:01:56.000 You have to say you're in Maryland, otherwise you can't get online.

02:01:59.000 Oh, loophole.

02:02:00.000 Yeah, there's a thing where you can.

02:02:01.000 Okay, in Texas, you have to show government ID.

02:02:04.000 In season two of MILF Manor, they've had a God.

02:02:07.000 They brought in the fathers, too.

02:02:09.000 We can't get in the mix.

02:02:09.000 Jesus.

02:02:10.000 So it's the sons of the fathers.

02:02:12.000 Oh, God.

02:02:13.000 It's a fucking orgy, disgusting, multi-generational orgy.

02:02:17.000 Where are they now?

02:02:18.000 Where are the startups?

02:02:19.000 I mean, they're only two seasons.

02:02:20.000 It's pretty new.

02:02:22.000 How's it doing?

02:02:24.000 Great question.

02:02:25.000 It's like, who the fuck is watching TV?

02:02:25.000 Here's the thing.

02:02:27.000 My moms are really not much older than me, which is tough.

02:02:30.000 Who would have ever thought that how old are the moms?

02:02:34.000 Almost all in their 40s.

02:02:35.000 There's a couple in there.

02:02:36.000 Are they hot?

02:02:37.000 Let me see some photos.

02:02:38.000 See what MILF?

02:02:39.000 See what we're dealing with.

02:02:40.000 Yeah.

02:02:40.000 Because, you know, you got to figure a lot to choose from out there.

02:02:43.000 A lot of MILFs want to get on the film.

02:02:45.000 MLLs want to be on MILF Manor.

02:02:46.000 If you had a MILF show, you'd probably find quite a few candidates out there in the world.

02:02:50.000 I think so.

02:02:50.000 Yeah.

02:02:51.000 Let's see what we, what do we got here, Jamie?

02:02:54.000 It's on HBO.

02:02:55.000 Is there a host for this show?

02:02:56.000 Wait, this is on HBO?

02:02:58.000 The fucking place that brought you the Sopranos now brings you MILF Manor 2.

02:03:03.000 Are you kidding me?

02:03:03.000 Damn, dude.

02:03:04.000 We're heading to the wrong.

02:03:05.000 Is it really on HBO?

02:03:07.000 Hot single moms dive into a unique.

02:03:09.000 Is it really in the HBO show?

02:03:10.000 It's a TLC show, so it's available via the HBO show.

02:03:13.000 Oh, I see.

02:03:14.000 Oh, okay.

02:03:14.000 Okay.

02:03:15.000 Why do I feel better about that?

02:03:15.000 Okay.

02:03:17.000 I was like, HBO goes from Game of Thrones to this.

02:03:21.000 Ooh, a lot of pretty ladies.

02:03:24.000 Okay.

02:03:25.000 Yeah.

02:03:25.000 They look good.

02:03:26.000 If there's some 20-year-old dudes.

02:03:26.000 Yeah.

02:03:28.000 Especially the black lady.

02:03:31.000 She's very hot.

02:03:32.000 Jeez.

02:03:33.000 There's the father and son.

02:03:33.000 Okay.

02:03:34.000 Oh, boy.

02:03:35.000 Oh, my God.

02:03:36.000 Yeah, we're banging it out, pops.

02:03:37.000 Wait, so they're.

02:03:39.000 Oh, so the guys are taking their shirts off and shit?

02:03:41.000 Okay.

02:03:42.000 Let's get sad.

02:03:43.000 Mommy Manor 2.

02:03:45.000 This weird culture of everybody wanting attention.

02:03:48.000 So strange.

02:03:49.000 Reality TV.

02:03:50.000 I mean, it's 15 minutes of fame, and then you can take that 15 minutes and turn it into a podcast or a.

02:03:50.000 Yeah.

02:03:56.000 Is that the most popular type of television these days?

02:04:00.000 Is reality TV?

02:04:01.000 Is that the most?

02:04:02.000 Like, what is popular these days?

02:04:03.000 Joe, I think so.

02:04:05.000 That in like true crime docs, and then I'd say regular TV.

02:04:10.000 Limited series.

02:04:11.000 You know, I just watch is the Murdaugh.

02:04:14.000 You know, that's a whole story.

02:04:15.000 The Murdaugh guy, Alex Murdaugh, killed his wife and son.

02:04:18.000 And the lawyer?

02:04:21.000 What's that?

02:04:21.000 Man, have you heard of this, James?

02:04:23.000 This happened probably, I think, in 2011.

02:04:27.000 High powerful lawyer in the, I think, the Midwest, and his son was driving drunk in a boat accident and with all his friends.

02:04:36.000 And one of the girls flew off the boat and died.

02:04:40.000 And so the dad shows up at the hospital.

02:04:42.000 He's just super powerful, dude, and was already stealing money from his business.

02:04:46.000 But he went into the thing and tried to curb the story to the other kids being like, who was driving the boat?

02:04:52.000 Type of shit.

02:04:53.000 And then the story got real, just uh, slippery and whatever, and everyone was like oh, and then the kid got off because of the dad and the families tried to sue and it just didn't really happen because the dad was so powerful.

02:05:06.000 And then come to find out that uh, the dad is stealing money from the business, and then the mom and him are having a bad relationship and the kid is getting bullied and teased and then he ends up murdering his uh, he ends up murdering his wife and youngest son because he's got a pillow problem.

02:05:25.000 He's gonna go to jail for um uh, for um uh, you know tax evasion and money laundering and stealing from his business, and and uh anyway, he's now serving life in prison.

02:05:36.000 Holy Joe you, I?

02:05:38.000 I don't know what you watch, but it's um dude.

02:05:40.000 Patricia Arquette and Jason Clark are unfucking real dude.

02:05:43.000 I just finished it uh, today.

02:05:44.000 Oh so it's a recreation of the documentary.

02:05:47.000 Well, the dock is also happened too.

02:05:49.000 There's still, I think, some events are still being unfolded.

02:05:49.000 It just happened.

02:05:52.000 The dock is also incredible.

02:05:53.000 But what's the official trailer that you just showed me?

02:05:55.000 That's a different thing.

02:05:56.000 Oh so this was the Netflix.

02:05:57.000 That's the Netflix document two years ago.

02:05:58.000 Yeah okay, but that's the documentary yeah, so the show just came out.

02:06:02.000 Basically oh, I just basically dramatization, but you know, but they have all the facts and Joe it's, it's wild how they uh end up finding out that it's him.

02:06:09.000 He did not cover his bases at all, I mean he, but he tried to.

02:06:13.000 He tried to like throw the phones away and then he drove to his mom's as like an alibi.

02:06:17.000 Look how creepy his hands.

02:06:18.000 Look in that photo.

02:06:19.000 What's going on with that?

02:06:19.000 Why is his hands covered in blood?

02:06:21.000 Oh man, probably just to allude to the murder, but I guess so like that, that to me like.

02:06:27.000 But again, it's murder and it's drama and it's uh, a limited series.

02:06:30.000 I think it was just eight episodes.

02:06:32.000 People are into that stuff bro, but the reality, kill your wife and your son oh yeah, crazy.

02:06:39.000 Just to just to uh create a distraction basically, and be like and victimize himself to.

02:06:45.000 Who did he say, killed his wife and his son?

02:06:46.000 Who he said it was people they were probably coming after for the whole boat accident, because the town had kind of turned on the family being like, oh my god, the kid got away with it because he's a powerful attorney and they, whatever.

02:06:56.000 And so he tried to go and he cried and they came and he was like he's probably the guys that were upset about the boat thing and we've been getting all these hate and hateful people coming after us.

02:07:05.000 And yeah, how long did he get away with it?

02:07:07.000 Even cried on the stand.

02:07:08.000 He still to this day snot coming out of his nose.

02:07:10.000 Yeah, he still to this day uh, maintains his innocence.

02:07:13.000 But they put everything together, dude.

02:07:14.000 And on the phone there's a phone that his son had before.

02:07:16.000 You hear the dad says he wasn't down at the kennels when they were saying uh, bye to the dogs, before the mom took off and was like i'm gonna divorce you, i'm gonna live at our beach house.

02:07:25.000 So he also was sad about that.

02:07:27.000 And there's the son had his phone out videotaping the dog and you hear Alex in the background talking and he said he wasn't there.

02:07:35.000 So that was a big red flag where it was like dude, you're on the fucking video, crazy god.

02:07:42.000 But yeah, kind of guy that's like, willing to murder his son and his wife is not thinking straight.

02:07:47.000 Yeah, he said he was on pills.

02:07:48.000 What kind of pills?

02:07:49.000 He on?

02:07:50.000 Man oxies or something, I think.

02:07:52.000 So yeah yeah, some something that was just numbing everything.

02:07:55.000 You know, some heroin haze yeah, with a gun, yep.

02:07:58.000 And then he's in jail and his older son comes to visit him.

02:08:01.000 He's like dad, did you do this?

02:08:02.000 What's going on?

02:08:02.000 He's like dude, look at Me, of course not.

02:08:05.000 Why would I kill your mother?

02:08:06.000 He's like, it was somebody out there.

02:08:07.000 And he goes, he's like, I'm sorry I lied about being there.

02:08:10.000 I was there, but I was there and then I left.

02:08:12.000 And then I went to go visit your grandma.

02:08:14.000 And then that's when it happened.

02:08:15.000 I mean, the timeline just doesn't.

02:08:16.000 I mean, it doesn't happen.

02:08:17.000 So his son's just like.

02:08:19.000 You're like realizing my dad careful.

02:08:20.000 Yeah.

02:08:21.000 Yeah.

02:08:21.000 And being like, and you're lying to me.

02:08:23.000 You won't even, even in jail, you're just like, in jail forever.

02:08:26.000 And then he even goes, he goes, thank God I left.

02:08:28.000 Otherwise, they could have, you know, gotten me too.

02:08:32.000 Wild, dude.

02:08:35.000 Imagine just committing that hard to like a monsters are real.

02:08:39.000 Yeah.

02:08:40.000 There are some people that are just real monsters.

02:08:42.000 You know, like, what do they say?

02:08:44.000 What percentage of people are sociopaths, like complete sociopaths where they have no empathy for other people?

02:08:49.000 We've clocked that?

02:08:49.000 There's a percentage?

02:08:50.000 I think they think there's like a certain measurable percentage of people that walk amongst us that are complete sociopaths.

02:08:56.000 Whoa.

02:08:57.000 And even if they don't do anything horrible, they really don't care about other people.

02:09:01.000 They don't have any feelings about other people.

02:09:03.000 Both of those are attached to being a sociopath.

02:09:05.000 Yeah, and I think probably there's a connection to narcissism in there too.

02:09:09.000 Okay, one to four percent.

02:09:11.000 Percentage of people who are sociopaths, often associated with antisocial personality disorder, is generally estimated to be around one to four percent of the general population.

02:09:20.000 More specifically, some studies suggest about one to two percent with around three percent of males and one percent of females exhibiting sociopathic tendencies.

02:09:29.000 One notable estimate is that approximately three to five Americans could be sociopaths or have ASPD, with some sources citing one in 25 people, 4%, having as having sociopathic traits.

02:09:43.000 Interesting.

02:09:45.000 Yeah.

02:09:47.000 We got to think sociopaths are disproportionately represented in prison populations.

02:09:51.000 The thing about sociopaths, though, I don't know if that's a nature or nurture thing, you know, to have like no empathy.

02:09:57.000 Is that something that happened because of something that happened to you as a baby?

02:10:01.000 Probably.

02:10:02.000 It could be.

02:10:03.000 Like you, you just no one cared about you.

02:10:05.000 You didn't care about anybody.

02:10:06.000 Like you never developed an ability to care.

02:10:09.000 Or is it because I know some people that were terribly treated when they were young, but they're great people.

02:10:14.000 They're kind and sweet because of the fact they were treated so poorly.

02:10:14.000 Yeah.

02:10:17.000 They're really kind and sweet to other people.

02:10:19.000 You can develop that.

02:10:21.000 Right, but what's the difference, though?

02:10:22.000 Between, is it a, that's the question.

02:10:24.000 Is it like, is something wrong?

02:10:26.000 It's like, could you be a good person and still be a sociopath?

02:10:29.000 Like where like you really don't care about other people, but you just do the right thing because it seems like the right thing to do.

02:10:33.000 Yeah.

02:10:34.000 But like if like just because you weren't hugged maybe a ton as a kid or maybe you only getting at that.

02:10:38.000 I don't know.

02:10:39.000 Maybe it's not.

02:10:39.000 Maybe it's a genetic thing.

02:10:41.000 Maybe it's just a weird like you didn't get all the ingredients, you know?

02:10:44.000 Could be.

02:10:45.000 Yeah.

02:10:45.000 What a bummer.

02:10:46.000 Because I feel like that's a pretty common human thread to have empathy.

02:10:49.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:49.000 And compassion.

02:10:50.000 Like that's what keeps us together.

02:10:52.000 Core traits, yeah.

02:10:53.000 Yeah.

02:10:53.000 It's like people that don't want that.

02:10:55.000 Like you don't want friends?

02:10:57.000 Like that.

02:10:58.000 What?

02:10:59.000 You don't care about people?

02:11:00.000 You kind of need empathy and compassion to interact with anybody, don't you?

02:11:04.000 Like in any situation to be.

02:11:06.000 You could fake it, right?

02:11:07.000 You could fake empathy and compassion if you're a real sociopath that's got a lot of time like tricking people.

02:11:15.000 Like your whole life you've been tricking people.

02:11:16.000 Maybe you're a real good politician.

02:11:18.000 You know anybody like that?

02:11:18.000 Yeah.

02:11:19.000 And so then so you get to this point where that's like you're just really good at pretending that you care about everything and you really care about nothing.

02:11:27.000 Yeah.

02:11:28.000 Yeah.

02:11:29.000 What's your best quality?

02:11:31.000 Mine?

02:11:31.000 I have no idea.

02:11:31.000 Yeah.

02:11:32.000 What do you like?

02:11:33.000 What do you, if you had to like, oh my, are we on a date?

02:11:36.000 This is crazy.

02:11:38.000 You're a likable guy.

02:11:39.000 Like, what do you like?

02:11:39.000 What's your, like, I don't know.

02:11:41.000 What do you, what do you leave with?

02:11:42.000 Your outlook at life?

02:11:43.000 I'd say that, right?

02:11:44.000 You're a glass half-full guy.

02:11:46.000 I have a good outlook.

02:11:47.000 Yeah, but I've also been very lucky, you know, so there's a lot of that.

02:11:50.000 Like, you have to really take it.

02:11:51.000 You created your own good luck, though.

02:11:53.000 Some of it?

02:11:54.000 Sure.

02:11:55.000 But some of it is just, you know, you don't get hit in the head by a meteor.

02:11:58.000 You know, you don't die in a car accident.

02:12:00.000 Like, there's some of it is just flat out luck.

02:12:02.000 There's part of life that appears to be very random.

02:12:06.000 You know, and that you can't control.

02:12:06.000 Sure.

02:12:09.000 So anybody that's like successful at all, there is a percentage, whatever the percentage is, 30, whatever it is.

02:12:15.000 There's luck.

02:12:16.000 There's luck involved.

02:12:17.000 But you worked everything you did as far as like having this get her attitude and put yourself in positions and then make good on those opportunities, right?

02:12:24.000 100%.

02:12:25.000 But it's also luck.

02:12:26.000 1,000.

02:12:27.000 You have to have that too.

02:12:28.000 You have to have a bunch of like things that happen, you know, in the right order for things to work out well.

02:12:36.000 Because we all know like really talented people that, for whatever reason, never got it together.

02:12:40.000 You know, like, especially in comedy.

02:12:42.000 Because there's so many people that we know that were like really talented.

02:12:42.000 Yeah.

02:12:45.000 Like they had something special and they just never followed through or they just died.

02:12:50.000 Or they couldn't deal with the rejection.

02:12:51.000 They couldn't deal with the bombing on stage.

02:12:53.000 They couldn't deal with the hours that you have to put in.

02:12:55.000 And they fell off.

02:12:57.000 There was a lot of guys from the early days where I was like, man, this guy's going to be fucking huge.

02:12:57.000 Dude.

02:13:02.000 You think there's more people that, like, if you started then versus now, would drop off?

02:13:08.000 Because again, like we were talking about with clips and just having more ways to be discovered or have more opportunities to have more of a chance.

02:13:16.000 Yeah.

02:13:17.000 You had a very few chances back in the day.

02:13:19.000 The chances back in the day were real simple.

02:13:21.000 You had to either get on evening at the improv or the MTV half-hour comedy hour or Letterman.

02:13:27.000 Letterman was like the golden goose or the tonight show when Johnny Carson was running it.

02:13:32.000 If you got on the tonight show when Johnny Carson was running it, like you could legitimately have like a full career.

02:13:37.000 And that a career back then was a club comic.

02:13:39.000 A career was a touring club comic.

02:13:41.000 So you just named four opportunities.

02:13:43.000 Yes.

02:13:43.000 That's fucking really hard to get on to.

02:13:46.000 Well, the Letterman one was.

02:13:48.000 The ones that were easier to get on was like they filmed a lot of those MTV half-hour comedy hours.

02:13:54.000 So a lot of people got on those.

02:13:55.000 And you really only needed like seven minutes.

02:13:57.000 Yeah.

02:13:58.000 So there was a lot of those.

02:13:59.000 And that helped.

02:14:00.000 And then so you could say, as seen on MTV's half-hour comedy hour, and someone comes to you at the comedy hut.

02:14:05.000 Yeah.

02:14:06.000 And then you're out there, you know, working.

02:14:08.000 But there wasn't a lot of things that could turn you into like an act that could draw on the road anywhere.

02:14:16.000 You were basically like, oh, this guy was on Comedy Central, so he must be funny.

02:14:20.000 Let's take a chance and go see him.

02:14:22.000 And then if you did it a bunch of times, you'd develop like a following in certain cities where people would come back to see you again because they had a good time last time.

02:14:30.000 But now, you know, all you have to do is just have a clip, and that clip goes viral.

02:14:37.000 And then you're selling out theaters like right away.

02:14:41.000 So it's definitely more opportunity for someone to pop.

02:14:44.000 And there was a lot of guys back then that had like great bits and they just fucking never got the show.

02:14:52.000 They never got this.

02:14:53.000 They developed an alcohol problem, whatever.

02:14:56.000 Wanted more consistent stability and maybe just wanted like income that was yeah, there's a lot of that too.

02:15:02.000 Or they get married and have a child and then the wife is like, hey, you need to get a regular fucking job.

02:15:07.000 This dream is crazy.

02:15:08.000 It's killing us.

02:15:09.000 You got to be home.

02:15:10.000 You know, you can't go out in the weekends every weekend and make $200.

02:15:13.000 It's crazy.

02:15:14.000 You know?

02:15:16.000 Yeah, my brother-in-law was rapping and slinging weed.

02:15:19.000 And then they got my brother-in-law is a white rapper named Durte.

02:15:23.000 Shout out.

02:15:25.000 And he, my sister, when they got married, was like, yeah, you can't be doing like.

02:15:30.000 She didn't shut down the performing, but she was like, the drug stuff's got to.

02:15:34.000 Yes.

02:15:34.000 Not good.

02:15:35.000 We got kids.

02:15:35.000 Yeah.

02:15:36.000 You shouldn't be a drug.

02:15:37.000 People shouldn't be coming to the house.

02:15:39.000 And a daddy.

02:15:39.000 Yeah.

02:15:40.000 Good advice.

02:15:40.000 Yeah.

02:15:41.000 Yeah.

02:15:41.000 Sound advice from a woman.

02:15:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:15:43.000 She knows she cleaned them up.

02:15:45.000 Yeah.

02:15:45.000 It's the dream of trying to make it in the rap world is probably just as hard, if not harder, than the dream of trying to make it in comedy, right?

02:15:53.000 He had a nice little run.

02:15:54.000 I let him close out our Seattle Dr. Phil live show.

02:15:57.000 Oh, really?

02:15:57.000 Yeah.

02:15:58.000 We did like the Neptune up there, which is like 1,100 seats.

02:16:01.000 My nieces, who'd never get rapped?

02:16:03.000 How'd it go?

02:16:04.000 Awesome.

02:16:04.000 He murdered.

02:16:05.000 Is he killer?

02:16:06.000 Pull him up?

02:16:06.000 Dirte, pull him up.

02:16:07.000 Let me hear it.

02:16:08.000 Okay.

02:16:09.000 Tell everybody where you're going to be.

02:16:11.000 Tell everybody how they can find you online.

02:16:14.000 On tour right now.

02:16:14.000 Yeah.

02:16:15.000 Clubs the rest of the year.

02:16:16.000 Last Dr. Phil Live at the Wiltern, December 16th.

02:16:19.000 I'm doing the Moore Theater in Seattle, first theater show home in Seattle, December 19th.

02:16:24.000 And then the theater tour, the Who Is Me Theater Tour starts in January, goes through April.

02:16:29.000 AdamRayComedy.com.

02:16:30.000 Specials, like and subscribe on YouTube where you are right now.

02:16:34.000 Adam Ray Comedy, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok.

02:16:36.000 Are you around tonight?

02:16:37.000 You want to do a set?

02:16:38.000 I'm leaving tonight.

02:16:39.000 Are you flying by?

02:16:40.000 Dude, I fucking love you.

02:16:42.000 I had a feeling you were going to ask, and I'm sorry.

02:16:43.000 I'm going to leave right after this.

02:16:44.000 But did you hear last night?

02:16:46.000 Yeah.

02:16:47.000 I did.

02:16:48.000 I didn't know if I should bug you or just Adam.

02:16:48.000 Yeah.

02:16:50.000 Like, what's.

02:16:51.000 Oh, just text me.

02:16:52.000 Really?

02:16:52.000 All right.

02:16:53.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:16:53.000 Anytime you're in town, you can do a set.

02:16:55.000 I love you.

02:16:55.000 I love you too.

02:16:56.000 It was a lot of fun.

02:16:56.000 Thanks for having me.

02:16:57.000 Always.

02:16:58.000 And if anybody's ever seen Adam on Kill Tony, they literally are some of the funniest fucking episodes of all time.

02:17:03.000 Thanks, brother.

02:17:04.000 The Dr. Phil one's fantastic.

02:17:05.000 The Biden one's fantastic.

02:17:07.000 You're really good at it.

02:17:08.000 I appreciate it, man.

02:17:08.000 Yeah, you called me after the Tony app, which was really cool, man.

02:17:13.000 I thought it was a butt dial.

02:17:15.000 I picked it up and I was like, hello.

02:17:16.000 It was so good.

02:17:17.000 It was so good.

02:17:17.000 I was dying.

02:17:18.000 I was like, oh, no.

02:17:20.000 I was watching it going, oh, no.

02:17:23.000 It was like, so dead on.

02:17:25.000 Did you know what's happening?

02:17:26.000 No, I had no idea.

02:17:28.000 You just had no idea.

02:17:29.000 Yes.

02:17:30.000 I had no idea.

02:17:31.000 You don't go to all of them, right?

02:17:32.000 No.

02:17:33.000 I had no idea that you should be talking.

02:17:35.000 You're just randomly there for that.

02:17:37.000 I thought he told you, and that's why you're there.

02:17:38.000 No, no, no.

02:17:38.000 I come to a few.

02:17:39.000 Yeah.

02:17:40.000 I've come to a bunch.

02:17:41.000 Yeah, but I know that one was awesome.

02:17:43.000 It was awesome.

02:17:44.000 Appreciate you, brother.

02:17:44.000 See the man Joe.

02:17:45.000 Bye, everybody.

02:17:45.000 All right.

The Joe Rogan Experience - November 20, 2025

Joe Rogan Experience #2415 - Adam Ray

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript