The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2472 - Jeff Ross

00:00:01.000 Joe Rogan podcast, check it out!

00:00:03.000 The Joe Rogan experience.

00:00:06.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan.

00:00:07.000 Podcast by night!

00:00:09.000 All day!

00:00:12.000 What's up, dog?

00:00:13.000 Joe.

00:00:14.000 Good to see you, my friend.

00:00:15.000 Same here, man.

00:00:15.000 It's Krakowack.

00:00:17.000 Life is good.

00:00:18.000 Happy to be in Austin, Texas.

00:00:20.000 Happy to have you.

00:00:22.000 Are you doing Kill Tony tonight?

00:00:23.000 I'll show up at Kill Tony tonight.

00:00:25.000 Nice.

00:00:26.000 Of course.

00:00:27.000 My guy, so happy for him.

00:00:29.000 Yeah, he's killing it.

00:00:31.000 He always talks about us as his early supporters.

00:00:35.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.

00:00:36.000 I love that guy.

00:00:37.000 He's the best.

00:00:38.000 I mean, that show is on fire. 0.99

00:00:40.000 It's a fucking runaway train right now. 0.99

00:00:42.000 Everywhere I go. 1.00

00:00:42.000 Kill Tony, Kill Tony, Kill Tony. 1.00

00:00:44.000 Love you on Kill Tony.

00:00:45.000 It's such a fun show.

00:00:47.000 You know, what a great idea.

00:00:48.000 Kind of amazing.

00:00:49.000 Nobody thought it up.

00:00:51.000 Well, he just kind of put his open mics and his roasts and his personality and his friends and his built a community.

00:00:57.000 It's kind of amazing.

00:00:58.000 Oh, it's incredible.

00:00:59.000 He's the new Johnny Carson.

00:01:01.000 I mean, think about how many, like, Adam Ray's killing it, selling out giant theaters. 0.98

00:01:04.000 All these guys that, you know, came through that show are fucking destroying now. 0.98

00:01:08.000 This is our tribe, Joe. 0.99

00:01:10.000 I know.

00:01:11.000 It's amazing.

00:01:11.000 I love it.

00:01:12.000 It's a good time for comedy.

00:01:14.000 Did I hear that you have a German Shepherd?

00:01:16.000 No, I have a Golden Retriever and I have a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.

00:01:16.000 No.

00:01:21.000 Oh, okay.

00:01:22.000 Little tiny fella. 1.00

00:01:24.000 Somebody told me something different.

00:01:25.000 No.

00:01:26.000 I love German Shepherds, but I don't have to.

00:01:28.000 They're the best.

00:01:28.000 I have a German Shepherd.

00:01:30.000 You have to exercise the shit out of them, though. 0.99

00:01:32.000 They need work. 0.99

00:01:33.000 She loves to run around and dig and climb and adventures. 0.99

00:01:37.000 They need tasks.

00:01:38.000 They're not like my golden.

00:01:40.000 He's just cool, just chilling, laying on his back, getting his belly rubber.

00:01:43.000 Oh, I follow him on Instagram.

00:01:44.000 Don't worry.

00:01:45.000 He's the best.

00:01:45.000 I look for my mornings with him.

00:01:47.000 I mean, they're a very low-maintenance dog.

00:01:50.000 And he's trained.

00:01:52.000 You could train him very easily. 0.98

00:01:53.000 But as far as like a guard dog and that kind of useless.

00:02:00.000 My dog can like sit, stay, and run around frantically.

00:02:04.000 I'll be like, run around frantically.

00:02:05.000 And she'll just run around. 1.00

00:02:06.000 Well, they have so much energy.

00:02:07.000 Those dogs are just designed to work.

00:02:10.000 I put her to work for two months this summer on Broadway. 0.81

00:02:13.000 She came out at the end of my show and howled with me and the audience. 0.94

00:02:17.000 She can howl on Q? 1.00

00:02:19.000 We taught her.

00:02:19.000 I had the same trainer that did the Sandy from the show Annie, like from when I was a kid, Bill Bertolone.

00:02:26.000 And he's like, I could teach her.

00:02:27.000 She's like a wild rescue German shepherd from the desert.

00:02:30.000 And there she was, like, came out, jumped on a couch, hit her mark, turned to the audience, and we like sang.

00:02:37.000 Oh, that's awesome.

00:02:39.000 She had her own dressing room. 0.92

00:02:41.000 Nipsey.

00:02:42.000 Her name's Nipsey. 1.00

00:02:44.000 And, you know, and then when the job was, you know, when the run was over, she was like, no more work.

00:02:49.000 Now I need something else to do.

00:02:50.000 Yeah, they need things to do.

00:02:52.000 Like, people that just have them and have them in an apartment and don't go anywhere.

00:02:55.000 Like, that's a crazy thing to do to a dog like that.

00:02:58.000 Oh, look at her. 1.00

00:03:00.000 Wow.

00:03:00.000 Oh, my God.

00:03:01.000 Look how sweet. 0.91

00:03:02.000 So she's a rescue dog? 0.61

00:03:04.000 Where'd you find her?

00:03:04.000 She is.

00:03:05.000 They found her in a bummy breeder in Reno during the pandemic.

00:03:12.000 I had an old dog.

00:03:15.000 I had an old senior dog that my ex found on the street.

00:03:20.000 And we took care of her in the beginning of the pandemic.

00:03:23.000 And the ex left, left the dog.

00:03:26.000 So it was just me and this old beat-up street dog for a few months.

00:03:30.000 And the vet was like, I got another, a puppy, German Shepherd.

00:03:34.000 Oh, she was a puppy?

00:03:35.000 This one was, yeah.

00:03:36.000 Oh, that's great.

00:03:37.000 So now it was like five years ago already.

00:03:39.000 So she's my bestie.

00:03:42.000 And we do everything.

00:03:43.000 I mean, I just love her to pieces.

00:03:45.000 Like, I can't, even getting on the plane to come here yesterday.

00:03:48.000 It was like, should I bring her, let her run around the 4C for a couple days and whatever.

00:03:48.000 It was a part of me.

00:03:53.000 But yeah, it's hard leaving them.

00:03:56.000 It's like I have a kid.

00:03:58.000 She looks at me looking for the buzzwords.

00:04:01.000 Are we going?

00:04:01.000 Are we staying?

00:04:02.000 Are we eating?

00:04:03.000 They get separation anxiety big time.

00:04:03.000 I know.

00:04:06.000 And they get very attached to one person.

00:04:08.000 Right.

00:04:08.000 Yeah.

00:04:09.000 Right.

00:04:09.000 You're her daddy.

00:04:11.000 Oh, she's just so sweet.

00:04:13.000 She'll lay in bed, wait. 1.00

00:04:14.000 She never wakes me, rolls over, arms up, ready to get. 0.73

00:04:19.000 She can't start the day without a full belly rub. 1.00

00:04:22.000 Like I almost like hold her legs and play her like a guitar.

00:04:27.000 And she just, you know, tongues out, just complete euphoria. 0.86

00:04:30.000 Once a week, I take all her collars off and just rub the neck and just her eyes start watering. 1.00

00:04:36.000 That's so cute.

00:04:37.000 Highly right.

00:04:38.000 I never was into dogs.

00:04:39.000 I'm slightly allergic.

00:04:41.000 My sister got snapped on by a doberman when we were little.

00:04:44.000 So I was always a little afraid.

00:04:47.000 And then it was just kind of forced on me during the pandemic because all these dogs needed homes.

00:04:51.000 So now here I am. 0.92

00:04:52.000 I'm a freaking doggy daddy. 0.71

00:04:54.000 Oh, I love dogs. 0.93

00:04:55.000 I've always had dogs.

00:04:56.000 I will never not have dogs.

00:04:58.000 I love them.

00:04:59.000 I love them. 0.85

00:05:02.000 They're just these amazing creatures that just love the shit out of you.

00:05:06.000 And especially if you train them from the time they're puppies and you give them nothing but love. 0.94

00:05:11.000 Like they're so connected to you.

00:05:13.000 And then, you know, it's just awesome.

00:05:15.000 You wake up in the morning and it's always positive.

00:05:18.000 It's always, hello, hello.

00:05:20.000 I wake up with Marshall and he starts whining and whimpering.

00:05:23.000 And he like, I do this thing in the morning.

00:05:24.000 I go, good morning, sir.

00:05:26.000 Good morning, sir.

00:05:29.000 He's wagging his tail and he's rolling around on his back and I'm rubbing his belly and he's giving me kisses.

00:05:36.000 He loves it.

00:05:37.000 He gets so excited to see me in the morning.

00:05:39.000 It's like his ritual.

00:05:41.000 He knows the ritual's coming.

00:05:42.000 He's going to get all this love.

00:05:44.000 Does he sleep in your room?

00:05:46.000 No.

00:05:47.000 My wife is a little bit allergic, so he sleeps outside the room.

00:05:50.000 Right.

00:05:50.000 But he's just a giant love sponge.

00:05:54.000 That's what he is.

00:05:55.000 It's like he loves everybody.

00:05:56.000 Everybody comes in the house, like you meet you for the first time.

00:05:59.000 He's like, I can't believe you're here.

00:06:02.000 He's just so excited to meet everybody.

00:06:04.000 My dog checks everybody.

00:06:05.000 She's got to like check them out.

00:06:07.000 Of course, German shepherd.

00:06:08.000 It's different.

00:06:09.000 And if somebody has a chemical imbalance or a little off, she lets me know.

00:06:14.000 Oh, yeah.

00:06:14.000 You got screwball friends.

00:06:15.000 Yeah.

00:06:16.000 Well, every now and then, you know, comics will be off their mids and they'll come over and be like, I used to know that person.

00:06:21.000 I don't know that person anymore.

00:06:22.000 The dog just like alerts me.

00:06:24.000 Oh, that's interesting.

00:06:25.000 Yeah, they're very watchful.

00:06:27.000 You know, they're shepherds.

00:06:28.000 They're protecting you.

00:06:29.000 They're protecting their daddy.

00:06:31.000 She's funny on the plane.

00:06:32.000 Like, I've only flown with her twice, but one, you know, once to New York and then once back after we were done on Broadway.

00:06:39.000 And she's like, it was nine months later.

00:06:42.000 She literally knew how to walk on the plane, where to go, where her seat was, like, remembers everything like a person.

00:06:48.000 They're very smart dogs.

00:06:49.000 Very smart dogs.

00:06:50.000 It's one of the reasons why they need so much exercise. 0.99

00:06:52.000 Like, the dumbest dogs can just lay around and do nothing. 0.93

00:06:55.000 But really smart dogs, they need a lot of activity, especially shepherds, because they're working dogs. 0.98

00:06:55.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:07:00.000 If I leave her alone too long, she'll dig up the backyard. 1.00

00:07:03.000 She needs something to do.

00:07:04.000 Yeah, they get crazy.

00:07:05.000 They're like an athlete.

00:07:07.000 Yeah.

00:07:07.000 You know, they just, they need work.

00:07:09.000 They need to go.

00:07:10.000 And they don't need a lot of food.

00:07:11.000 need a lot she's she's like what do you feed her You know, I used to overfeed her and give her a lot of table scraps and spoiler. 1.00

00:07:19.000 And then I learned more recently that if I keep her to like a cup and a half of kibble a day that the vet recommends. 1.00

00:07:25.000 You should get her on raw food. 1.00

00:07:27.000 So raw food or fresh food.

00:07:28.000 Oh, interesting.

00:07:29.000 Yeah.

00:07:29.000 I used to feed my dogs kibble too.

00:07:32.000 I had one dog that got cancer.

00:07:33.000 And I read about all these dogs getting cancer.

00:07:36.000 And, you know, they get fat so easy when you give them kibble.

00:07:39.000 And it's just because that stuff can sit on a shelf forever.

00:07:43.000 It's like you wouldn't eat it.

00:07:44.000 Why are they eating it?

00:07:46.000 It's not healthy for them.

00:07:47.000 Sometimes I put a little turkey in the...

00:07:49.000 Turkey's great.

00:07:50.000 Real food is great.

00:07:52.000 Real food for your dog is the way to go.

00:07:54.000 I feed my dog Farmer's Dog.

00:07:56.000 It comes frozen.

00:07:57.000 It has to be frozen.

00:07:58.000 And the way they attack it versus the way they attack Kibble, like Kibble's like, okay, they're eating, no big deal.

00:07:58.000 Right.

00:08:04.000 Yeah.

00:08:05.000 But they just can't wait to eat this stuff.

00:08:07.000 Like, they get excited.

00:08:08.000 Like, the little guy, the little Charlie, he literally leaps up in the air trying to get to the counter.

00:08:13.000 Where when I'm putting the food on his bowl, he gets nuts.

00:08:16.000 They love it.

00:08:17.000 It's real food.

00:08:18.000 It's human-grade food for dogs.

00:08:21.000 Oh, yeah.

00:08:21.000 It comes frozen.

00:08:22.000 And also, they give it to you the right portions for your dog.

00:08:25.000 So you don't have to think about it.

00:08:26.000 Like, you put in your dog's weight, what breed your dog is, and you know, whether your dog's overweight or not.

00:08:32.000 And they measure it out coward-wise.

00:08:35.000 So it's specific to your dog.

00:08:37.000 My dog's weight is good, but I got to get her to stop smoking. 0.99

00:08:40.000 She's just you know what? 0.61

00:08:42.000 She used to really hate when I light up a joint. 1.00

00:08:42.000 It's funny. 1.00

00:08:45.000 And she was little, she'd run in the other room, but now she's just like, oh, that's daddy.

00:08:50.000 Well, she'll probably get a little paranoid. 0.92

00:08:52.000 I used to have a pit bull that she would get paranoid because she was in a room who got high. 1.00

00:08:56.000 And I was realizing, oh, this poor dog, she's getting high, too.

00:08:59.000 She was a rescue dog, too.

00:09:00.000 I found her.

00:09:01.000 She was covered in maneuver. 0.93

00:09:02.000 It was so sad.

00:09:03.000 She was eating out of garbage cans. 1.00

00:09:05.000 It's heartbreaking.

00:09:06.000 A friend of mine found her and they took her in for, and then they called me and they said, Do you want another dog?

00:09:06.000 Yeah.

00:09:11.000 I had one dog already.

00:09:12.000 I said, Absolutely.

00:09:14.000 And as soon as I saw her, I was like, oh, that's good to get.

00:09:17.000 It's so horrible.

00:09:18.000 It was so horrible.

00:09:19.000 She was covered in maneuver. 0.93

00:09:20.000 She had little scabs on her and everything. 0.72

00:09:22.000 It all went away within like two months of food.

00:09:24.000 But that dog, because of living on the street, she could never get enough food. 0.99

00:09:29.000 She was always like raiding garbage cans and stuff. 1.00

00:09:31.000 Like you'd have to lock up the garbage can, strap it down with a bungee cord.

00:09:35.000 She would tip them over and she was never full.

00:09:38.000 Even though she would get fat, she was never full.

00:09:41.000 Just in case.

00:09:42.000 It was just, you know, she was starving when I found her.

00:09:48.000 I had the old dog first, and then the young German Shepherd.

00:09:51.000 So the old one had all these street habits like that.

00:09:54.000 And she taught him to the young dog.

00:09:56.000 Like the young dog walks down the stairs as if she has a broken back hip.

00:10:02.000 And she learned how to get in the car from an old dog.

00:10:04.000 So two legs.

00:10:05.000 She could leap right in.

00:10:07.000 She's a kid, but she still goes two paws up and I have to pick her up. 1.00

00:10:12.000 Yeah, that's how Marshall does it.

00:10:13.000 Overprotective, like the old dog.

00:10:15.000 Yeah, Marshall, I think he probably could jump in my car, but it's like he knows I'll just lift him up because I've done it since I was a puppy.

00:10:22.000 So we do this little thing.

00:10:24.000 I go, you ready?

00:10:25.000 He puts his paws on.

00:10:26.000 I go, one, two, three.

00:10:27.000 It's always one, two, three, up.

00:10:29.000 So he gets ready.

00:10:32.000 Do they talk to you?

00:10:32.000 My dog howls with me in the morning.

00:10:34.000 No, Marshall only talks when he wants to come inside.

00:10:37.000 Like if he's outside, he'll just bark once at the door.

00:10:41.000 He's really good.

00:10:42.000 He's the best dog.

00:10:43.000 What does his bark sound like?

00:10:45.000 Let me in.

00:10:46.000 It's like, hey, I'm out here.

00:10:49.000 Come on.

00:10:49.000 You know, he's out till he's not.

00:10:50.000 You know, he's out until he's bored.

00:10:52.000 And then he just lets you know.

00:10:54.000 He's not annoying.

00:10:56.000 The old dog, if I had to put her, like, if like a guy came over to work on the house or something, I had to put her like in a bedroom or a bathroom. 1.00

00:11:03.000 She was, you know, a big, big dog. 0.80

00:11:06.000 She would gnaw on the handles. 0.99

00:11:08.000 So I have a house full of like chrome door handles that all have like bite marks in it.

00:11:14.000 Like the bite is amazing.

00:11:17.000 Yeah, you got to give him things to chew on all the time.

00:11:20.000 You know, there's chew toys all over my house.

00:11:22.000 Yeah, everywhere.

00:11:23.000 My dog has, Marshall has like a big box filled with toys.

00:11:27.000 Yeah.

00:11:28.000 And it's like, and he just goes in and picks one out.

00:11:30.000 Randomly.

00:11:30.000 Yeah.

00:11:31.000 Depends who it is.

00:11:32.000 I go, what are you going to get?

00:11:33.000 Which toy?

00:11:34.000 And he's like looking around, picks one out.

00:11:37.000 And then him and the little dog, they play tug of war.

00:11:39.000 It's adorable.

00:11:41.000 They get a ton of stuff.

00:11:42.000 Oh, my God.

00:11:42.000 So they get a lot.

00:11:43.000 You knew they'd get along before you got to do it.

00:11:45.000 He's the easiest dog to get along with.

00:11:47.000 He gets along with everything and everybody. 0.99

00:11:50.000 Jamie's got a psycho dog. 0.86

00:11:51.000 Jamie's got this little French bulldog that's like a little meat missile. 0.97

00:11:55.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:11:56.000 He's a nut. 0.93

00:11:57.000 He's great. 0.97

00:11:58.000 Oh, yeah.

00:11:58.000 He's awesome.

00:11:59.000 He's just three.

00:11:59.000 He's not.

00:12:00.000 Carl.

00:12:00.000 He's two and a half.

00:12:00.000 Almost three.

00:12:01.000 He's a little psycho. 1.00

00:12:03.000 He's jacked. 1.00

00:12:04.000 He's super jacked. 1.00

00:12:05.000 He's like this little French bulldog. 1.00

00:12:06.000 He's just fucking jacked. 1.00

00:12:08.000 And him and Marshall just play insane. 0.99

00:12:12.000 Like Carl throws himself through the air at Marshall because he knows that Marshall's like super gentle and they just play back and forth, but it's adorable.

00:12:12.000 It's insane.

00:12:21.000 If a dog is small enough, like a little chihuahua type dog, they can put their head inside.

00:12:27.000 My dog will just open her mouth and let another dog just roll her head inside her mouth. 1.00

00:12:31.000 No instincts.

00:12:32.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:12:33.000 Just wants it to play.

00:12:34.000 It's just nuts that those used to be wolves.

00:12:37.000 They've turned wolves into these little tiny things you could carry around.

00:12:40.000 I mean, in a thousand years, are they getting smarter in the way humans are evolving?

00:12:46.000 I wonder.

00:12:47.000 That's a good question.

00:12:48.000 I wonder.

00:12:49.000 I mean, I think there would have to be a reason for them to get smarter.

00:12:52.000 You know, some dogs are, like the dogs that are trained, like a Belgian Malamois, those are really smart dogs.

00:13:00.000 You know, those are dog military dogs.

00:13:01.000 Yeah.

00:13:02.000 Those dogs, you cannot just leave that dog alone.

00:13:05.000 No.

00:13:05.000 Like, it's like a shepherd times 10.

00:13:07.000 Yeah.

00:13:08.000 They look like shepherds, sort of, but those dogs, they're so intelligent.

00:13:12.000 You know, they are constantly scanning everything and looking for everything.

00:13:12.000 Yeah.

00:13:16.000 They know when you're weird.

00:13:18.000 They know everything.

00:13:19.000 Right.

00:13:19.000 Yeah.

00:13:20.000 So those dogs have to be smart because they have jobs.

00:13:23.000 You know, they use them like those are the dogs they sicked on like Osama bin Laden's crew. 0.98

00:13:28.000 You know, they open the door and their breach.

00:13:30.000 Dogs run in.

00:13:31.000 Incredible.

00:13:32.000 Yeah.

00:13:33.000 My dog's Central Whim compared to all that.

00:13:35.000 So's mine.

00:13:36.000 She just wants to play.

00:13:37.000 Yeah, these are the only dogs that, well, I've had a couple dogs before. 0.99

00:13:40.000 Like I had a dog that was a Shibu Inu mix and he was kind of a pussy. 1.00

00:13:45.000 And I had a mastiff before that. 0.74

00:13:47.000 But mostly I've had like big guard dogs.

00:13:50.000 Right. 0.99

00:13:51.000 You know, these are the dogs of first dogs I've had that are, they're not guarding shit. 0.99

00:13:57.000 Marshall's not guarding. 0.99

00:13:58.000 They guard your emotions, buddy.

00:14:00.000 They guard your emotions.

00:14:01.000 They're just sweet.

00:14:02.000 They're just awesome to have.

00:14:03.000 It's like you just have love around you all the time and they're never in a bad mood.

00:14:08.000 There's never a day.

00:14:09.000 He's never had a bad day in his life.

00:14:11.000 Every day is a great day.

00:14:12.000 Every day he's happy.

00:14:14.000 Even if you're not there?

00:14:15.000 Well, he gets sad if I'm not there for sure.

00:14:18.000 But like I pull out the ball.

00:14:20.000 It's always the same thing. 0.99

00:14:21.000 It's never like one day I'm like, maybe he's going to get bored of this fucking ball. 0.99

00:14:24.000 Nope. 0.99

00:14:25.000 I pull out that ball.

00:14:26.000 Oh, oh, the ball.

00:14:28.000 The ball's out.

00:14:29.000 Let's go.

00:14:30.000 Bouncing around, wagging his tail, jumping up.

00:14:33.000 I got a ball.

00:14:34.000 It's got like the stick.

00:14:36.000 Like it's like a long curved stick so you can throw the ball.

00:14:39.000 Yeah, yeah, of course.

00:14:40.000 And, you know, he just starts leaping up towards the stick.

00:14:43.000 He gets so pumped.

00:14:44.000 I'm like, one day he's going to get bored of this.

00:14:46.000 Nope.

00:14:46.000 He's nine years old.

00:14:47.000 He's never getting bored of it.

00:14:48.000 When I come up the stairs, if she sees that I have my sneakers on, she starts stretching like an Olympian.

00:14:54.000 Let's go.

00:14:55.000 Time to go.

00:14:57.000 Yeah.

00:14:57.000 Dogs are awesome.

00:14:58.000 People that don't have them, I feel bad for them.

00:15:00.000 Like, you're missing a lot of love in your life.

00:15:03.000 Especially like people that live alone.

00:15:05.000 You know, it's like you always have a friend.

00:15:07.000 You always have someone.

00:15:08.000 I talk to my dog.

00:15:09.000 Like, I have conversations.

00:15:10.000 Yeah.

00:15:11.000 You know?

00:15:12.000 And does Marshall look you in the eyes when you're talking?

00:15:15.000 Oh, yeah.

00:15:16.000 Oh, yeah.

00:15:16.000 It's a real friend.

00:15:17.000 Oh, he's like the most loving creature I've ever encountered.

00:15:22.000 Do you tell the dog stuff you wouldn't tell your family or your friends?

00:15:26.000 Sometimes I'm like, hey, Nipsey, man, I probably shouldn't have said that.

00:15:26.000 No.

00:15:33.000 She has emotional, like, she knows when I'm happy, sad, nervous, sick.

00:15:37.000 Mostly it's baby talk.

00:15:39.000 Mostly he's like, oh, he's my buddy.

00:15:41.000 Yeah.

00:15:42.000 He watches TV with me.

00:15:43.000 He climbs up on the couch and sits in my lap.

00:15:46.000 He puts his head on my lap.

00:15:47.000 The best.

00:15:48.000 Yeah.

00:15:48.000 And when there's animals on TV, he parks his head up.

00:15:50.000 Yeah.

00:15:51.000 You know, because it's a big TV. 0.99

00:15:52.000 And so he's like, what the fuck is that? 0.99

00:15:54.000 Is that real? 1.00

00:15:55.000 He has to.

00:15:57.000 When Nipsey first came out from the desert, she was, you know, like six, seven-month-old, you know, puppy, but still a sizable dog, a German Shepherd at six months, is already like a dog.

00:16:08.000 And the old dog, which was old, you know, on her deathbed, but wise, street-wise, she was on the floor, and the puppy was up on my bed.

00:16:18.000 It was her first night in a home.

00:16:21.000 And I put on TV.

00:16:23.000 I put on House of Cards.

00:16:26.000 And it was this daunting kind of scary music.

00:16:29.000 And the dog's just watching.

00:16:30.000 And it's like a shadowy figure.

00:16:32.000 It was Kevin Spacey coming down the hall, his character coming down the hall.

00:16:36.000 And as this like man was revealed full screen on a big screen, Nipsey did a backflip, fell off the bed, and ran and hid in the closet.

00:16:47.000 And the old dog, Nana, was like, oh boy, she had to like pull herself up at her bad legs and go in the closet and tell her to come back out. 0.95

00:16:56.000 Listen, it's TV.

00:17:01.000 It's almost time for spring break.

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00:18:01.000 That's in $111 value at drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan. 0.98

00:18:08.000 House of Cards, what a fucking show that was. 0.99

00:18:10.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:18:10.000 Oh, what a fucking show. 1.00

00:18:11.000 They never should have done that last season. 1.00

00:18:13.000 Once Kevin Spacey got canceled, they should have just canceled it.

00:18:16.000 It was done.

00:18:17.000 Or, you know, not.

00:18:19.000 Right. 1.00

00:18:20.000 Such a good fucking show. 1.00

00:18:21.000 That's a great show. 1.00

00:18:22.000 It's crazy.

00:18:23.000 I saw him.

00:18:24.000 He was in Israel doing some weird thing where he was like doing like a song and dance routine in a small club recently.

00:18:34.000 Like he's been kind of reduced to doing that for money.

00:18:38.000 Is that reduced or is that part of the comeback?

00:18:42.000 You got to start.

00:18:43.000 I mean, it's something.

00:18:43.000 I don't know.

00:18:45.000 I mean, I guess he's just making money.

00:18:48.000 You know, he's completely bankrupt.

00:18:50.000 He lost everything.

00:18:51.000 It's crazy. 1.00

00:18:53.000 Show business, it's ass. 1.00

00:18:54.000 Well, it's not just show business, right? 1.00

00:18:56.000 It's also, what did you do?

00:18:59.000 You know, what did you get caught for? 0.99

00:19:00.000 He got, you know, he was an old school dick grabber. 0.99

00:19:04.000 A lot of those old school guys. 0.99

00:19:06.000 No one really likes that. 1.00

00:19:08.000 Getting their dick grabbed like that. 1.00

00:19:09.000 Some gay guys do, I think. 1.00

00:19:11.000 I think what he did probably worked on some guys.

00:19:15.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:19:16.000 Right.

00:19:17.000 Like, gay guys have a whole different way of interacting with each other that we don't have. 0.65

00:19:23.000 But I think with Spacey, it was like, some of those fellows are young.

00:19:28.000 And that's the problem.

00:19:30.000 Power.

00:19:31.000 It's power. 0.90

00:19:32.000 It's like in the gay community, there's a lot of guys that think it's okay for young gay guys who are underage to hook up with older gay guys. 0.65

00:19:44.000 That's like Milo Ioannopoulos.

00:19:47.000 Remember him?

00:19:47.000 He actually talked about that on my show.

00:19:49.000 He was talking about when he was 14, he hooked up with this older guy.

00:19:54.000 And he's like, trust me, I was the predator.

00:19:56.000 He's like saying that he was going after the guy.

00:19:58.000 I was like, all right.

00:20:00.000 But it's different in their eyes.

00:20:03.000 I mean, I'm just speaking for gay guys that I've talked to.

00:20:05.000 It's different in their eyes than, you know, an adult male and a young female.

00:20:11.000 You know.

00:20:11.000 Right.

00:20:12.000 But Kevin Spacey's a fucking unbelievable actor. 1.00

00:20:15.000 That fucking House of Cards was so good. 1.00

00:20:19.000 It was so good. 1.00

00:20:20.000 Such a good show.

00:20:22.000 I'm glad it's still out there, you know, because there's a lot of stuff.

00:20:24.000 It's so good.

00:20:25.000 It made me miss and re-watch West Wing.

00:20:28.000 That's how good it was.

00:20:29.000 I haven't, I never watched that.

00:20:31.000 I think I maybe watched one or two episodes.

00:20:33.000 It's like an idealistic version of what politics could be.

00:20:37.000 Right.

00:20:38.000 Martin Sheen is like the president we wish we had.

00:20:41.000 Like a really good thing.

00:20:42.000 This is a long time ago.

00:20:43.000 But he's also controversial.

00:20:45.000 He's hiding a medical thing.

00:20:47.000 We got way ahead of a lot of the modern day stories.

00:20:50.000 Oh, like Biden.

00:20:51.000 Yeah.

00:20:52.000 Yeah.

00:20:53.000 And his wife's a doctor, so she's helping him.

00:20:58.000 Well, we always have these idealistic ideas of who we want to be our leader.

00:21:02.000 And the thing about the Kevin Spacey character was like, that's probably more realistic.

00:21:08.000 Like that guy is more realistic.

00:21:12.000 Well, as we get older, we understand you got to be cutthroat to make it.

00:21:16.000 There's got to be a certain killer instinct in a president.

00:21:19.000 You're also most likely deeply compromised by the time you get into office, which is the only way you navigate those worlds.

00:21:26.000 Like everybody's compromised.

00:21:27.000 Everybody's gone to that eyes wide shut party.

00:21:32.000 I couldn't get in just for the record.

00:21:34.000 Yeah, me neither.

00:21:37.000 I don't want to get in.

00:21:38.000 I know.

00:21:39.000 That's a good thing. 0.98

00:21:40.000 A dog can kind of save your career because you get invited to some wild sex party.

00:21:44.000 You'll be like, my dog's been waiting for me for five hours.

00:21:47.000 Sorry, I can't go.

00:21:48.000 Yeah, meanwhile, it's better to just hang out with your dog.

00:21:51.000 You'll have a better time and you won't feel gross in the morning, I guess. 0.99

00:21:54.000 But I think all those people are sociopaths.

00:21:56.000 They probably don't even feel gross ever. 0.92

00:21:58.000 I was out all weekend for the Fanatics football stuff.

00:22:02.000 Travis Scott's DJing, they'll three in the morning.

00:22:04.000 What is the Fanatics football stuff?

00:22:06.000 They had a flag football tournament in L.A.

00:22:08.000 It was supposed to be in Riyadh, and they had to move it to L.A. Tom Brady and the Fanatics.

00:22:15.000 What's the Fanatics?

00:22:16.000 It's like, I guess it's a branding company.

00:22:19.000 They do all the jerseys.

00:22:20.000 They do all the...

00:22:21.000 Oh.

00:22:22.000 Michael Rubin and Michael Ratner, two friends of mine, did this flag football game.

00:22:22.000 Um...

00:22:27.000 And I was just partying.

00:22:29.000 I just took the weekend off and I'm like seeing all the football players and it was just so much fun.

00:22:35.000 And then just as the party's really getting hot, I'm like, I miss my dog.

00:22:40.000 I'm going home.

00:22:42.000 Yeah, there's always this thing in the back of your head, like, I got to get home.

00:22:44.000 He's been home alone for five hours.

00:22:47.000 He's been home alone for six hours.

00:22:48.000 I'm thinking about him.

00:22:49.000 He has to pee.

00:22:50.000 He's a good boy.

00:22:51.000 He's not going to pee in the house, but he's probably holding it in and upset.

00:22:58.000 Isn't it nuts? 0.99

00:22:59.000 Like, people think, especially comics, you know, we want to be up late, getting drunk, fucking off, being retarded, doing drugs. 0.99

00:23:08.000 You know what I just want to get home? 0.99

00:23:09.000 Yeah.

00:23:10.000 I want to get home, chill out, relax, watch TV.

00:23:13.000 I feel like if I had a dog when I was starting out in comedy, I would have been more disciplined.

00:23:18.000 I would have been coming home instead of staying out all night.

00:23:20.000 I kind of regret that a little bit.

00:23:23.000 You regret staying out all night?

00:23:24.000 Well, I mean, you know, you know how it is.

00:23:27.000 You do your set, you start hanging out in the club, in the comedy club, and drinking or eating or whatever.

00:23:33.000 But there's a certain, I don't know, you go home and you're up earlier, you get more done the next day.

00:23:39.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:23:40.000 Well, it's just you feel better.

00:23:42.000 It's hard to leave when you're having fun.

00:23:45.000 You know, it's also you feel like you're a part of a different society.

00:23:49.000 Society of people who don't have a regular job.

00:23:52.000 You got freedom.

00:23:53.000 You're your own boss.

00:23:55.000 I grew up, I lost my parents as a teenager.

00:23:58.000 So I live every day like I could die tomorrow.

00:24:02.000 So I never want to leave.

00:24:04.000 I have ultimate FOMO all the time.

00:24:06.000 I never want to miss an event, a party.

00:24:08.000 I went to the Super Bowl.

00:24:09.000 I went to All-Star Weekend.

00:24:12.000 I want to go to the Grammys.

00:24:13.000 I love life.

00:24:14.000 I want to make the most out of it all the time.

00:24:17.000 It works against me sometimes, I think.

00:24:19.000 That's interesting, right?

00:24:20.000 That's the plus side of experiencing loss when you're young.

00:24:24.000 You really want, you really relish life.

00:24:27.000 You want to make the most out of it.

00:24:29.000 You want to enjoy it while it's here.

00:24:31.000 Yeah.

00:24:32.000 One of the things I say on my show is I learned early on human beings were made to mourn and move on.

00:24:32.000 Yeah.

00:24:41.000 You can't mourn forever or a part of you dies, and that's not fair.

00:24:45.000 So it gave me this sort of zest for living.

00:24:45.000 Right.

00:24:49.000 You take that loss as a young person.

00:24:52.000 You're afraid at any second.

00:24:53.000 You know, it's hard to make long-term plans.

00:24:56.000 Are your parents still alive?

00:24:58.000 Yeah, it's an amazing, amazing blessing.

00:25:01.000 And sometimes when you lose people young, you're afraid you're old.

00:25:05.000 You live in the constant fear that it's all going to fall apart.

00:25:08.000 Yeah.

00:25:08.000 I've lost a lot of friends.

00:25:10.000 Like, sometimes I look at my contact list when I get a new phone, you know, and you're swapping over contacts. 0.99

00:25:17.000 And I'm like, oh, fuck. 0.99

00:25:19.000 You know, I've got like 20 dead people in my contact list. 1.00

00:25:22.000 Some of them I just keep in there.

00:25:24.000 You know, I got old phones where like Bourdain was texting me.

00:25:28.000 I just kept the phone.

00:25:29.000 I'm like, I'm never throwing this phone away.

00:25:32.000 You know, a bunch of friends served.

00:25:34.000 I look at Bob Saget's texts all the time.

00:25:36.000 I listen to Gilbert Gottfried's voicemails.

00:25:39.000 Yeah, I know what you mean.

00:25:41.000 It just brings me right back to them.

00:25:44.000 Those two guys, those are two tough ones.

00:25:46.000 Those are two really tough ones.

00:25:48.000 There's that famous picture of me, Norm, Gilbert, and Bob that Adam Egat took at Jones' restaurant in Hollywood.

00:25:58.000 And I show that in my special, and I talk about each one, do like a tribute to Norm.

00:26:05.000 I do a tribute to Gilbert, whose family is a big part of my family now.

00:26:09.000 His kids are great kids.

00:26:10.000 His daughter goes to school here in Austin.

00:26:14.000 And there it is.

00:26:15.000 There it is.

00:26:16.000 And Bob, who just became a grandfather.

00:26:20.000 So they left quite a legacy, those guys.

00:26:23.000 And I really loved them.

00:26:24.000 And they would make me laugh.

00:26:25.000 You know, I would just set them up and they would go and I would laugh until I was dying laughing. 1.00

00:26:30.000 Fucking Norm. 0.99

00:26:31.000 What a legend. 1.00

00:26:32.000 The king.

00:26:33.000 He's such a great guy, too.

00:26:35.000 Yeah.

00:26:36.000 He's so funny, too.

00:26:38.000 And his clips, I don't know if it's my algorithm or what, but you would think Norm is making comedy content every day if you looked at my algorithm.

00:26:45.000 Well, mine, too.

00:26:46.000 I think a lot of people.

00:26:47.000 So people just share them because, you know, he had so many funny things to say about everything.

00:26:52.000 And such a unique perspective.

00:26:54.000 Just an unusual state of mind.

00:26:59.000 Canadians.

00:27:00.000 I have a theory that Canadians.

00:27:02.000 I'm from New Jersey.

00:27:04.000 So I feel like New Jersey, I grew up as an outsider to New York.

00:27:08.000 We had a root for New York sports teams.

00:27:11.000 We had to listen to New York radio stations as a kid, TV stations.

00:27:15.000 And Canada has that with America.

00:27:18.000 So I think they always feel like comedians feel like outsiders a little bit.

00:27:18.000 Right.

00:27:22.000 I feel like Canadians kind of have that.

00:27:25.000 Harland, he's Canadian.

00:27:26.000 I mean, Canadian comedians, you could go all day.

00:27:29.000 Tom Green.

00:27:30.000 Yeah.

00:27:31.000 Jim Carrey.

00:27:32.000 Jim Carrey.

00:27:33.000 A lot of Canadians.

00:27:34.000 Caroline Ray.

00:27:37.000 And a lot more.

00:27:39.000 John Candy, right?

00:27:41.000 Yeah, John Candy was a Canadian.

00:27:43.000 Yeah.

00:27:44.000 Martin Short.

00:27:45.000 Was he?

00:27:46.000 Is he?

00:27:47.000 He is.

00:27:48.000 I think so.

00:27:49.000 He's still with us.

00:27:50.000 Those SCTV people.

00:27:51.000 That's right.

00:27:52.000 Yeah.

00:27:53.000 No, Martin Short is he had a rough month.

00:27:56.000 He lost somebody very close to him, but he's still one of the funniest people in the world.

00:28:02.000 Oh, he was brilliant. 0.99

00:28:03.000 All those fucking crazy characters. 1.00

00:28:07.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:28:08.000 I was at a birthday party once.

00:28:10.000 It was like Paul Rudd's 50th birthday party years ago.

00:28:13.000 And I remember everybody was like, let's do karaoke.

00:28:16.000 And everybody wanted to start.

00:28:18.000 Everybody was too shy to do karaoke first.

00:28:20.000 And Martin Short walked up to the mic, belted out like a Sidatra song, dropped a mic, and walked out to the valet and left.

00:28:29.000 Just like kicked it off and went.

00:28:31.000 Fly me to the moon.

00:28:33.000 And he was gone.

00:28:36.000 It's weird when you get older and you realize how many guys have passed.

00:28:41.000 Like, Patrice comes up in my algorithm all the time.

00:28:45.000 And, you know, you just watch old clips.

00:28:48.000 I went on a binge a few months back of him on Opian Anthony.

00:28:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:28:53.000 Just fuck. 1.00

00:28:54.000 Ruthless. 1.00

00:28:55.000 He would have been the number one podcast in the world if he was alive today.

00:28:59.000 Patrice?

00:29:00.000 Yeah.

00:29:00.000 If he had a podcast?

00:29:02.000 Because he probably would have.

00:29:03.000 He probably, I mean, it's a perfect normal transition from Opian Anthony to podcasting.

00:29:07.000 Right.

00:29:08.000 He would have probably had the best podcast in the world.

00:29:11.000 Except the guests would never get to talk at all.

00:29:13.000 Yeah, that wouldn't matter.

00:29:15.000 He would be dressing them down.

00:29:19.000 Yeah, he's at the funny thing.

00:29:20.000 Patrice's greatness at the Charlie Sheen roast.

00:29:23.000 I always talk about this.

00:29:25.000 He went on last, and he was like, we booked him late.

00:29:30.000 He never wanted to do a roast.

00:29:32.000 And he said, I don't know this one.

00:29:33.000 I don't know that one.

00:29:34.000 And finally, I called him one day.

00:29:35.000 I go, we're roasting Charlie Sheen.

00:29:38.000 He goes, oh.

00:29:40.000 He goes, I don't know Charlie Sheen, but I think I could do that.

00:29:43.000 I go, you know him.

00:29:44.000 You don't know him, but you know what he, you know.

00:29:48.000 And he goes, all right, I'm coming.

00:29:50.000 He dresses total rock star, like a leather suit, like this whole like fantasy Patrice in his head.

00:29:59.000 And then the day of the show, he's like complaining about his material.

00:30:02.000 He's like, I don't know, all these writers, they don't know me.

00:30:04.000 This isn't me.

00:30:05.000 Blah, blah, blah. 1.00

00:30:06.000 I go, Patrice, fuck all that. 1.00

00:30:08.000 Pay attention and roast the roast. 1.00

00:30:11.000 Just roast the roast. 0.97

00:30:12.000 Make mental notes, clock it all, let them see you taking it in, and then just go on and talk about what you just saw.

00:30:18.000 And that's what he did.

00:30:19.000 No, it was brilliant.

00:30:21.000 Did you see Charlie Sheen's Netflix documentary? 0.99

00:30:24.000 It's fucking great, man. 0.99

00:30:24.000 I haven't. 0.99

00:30:26.000 It's crazy.

00:30:28.000 It's crazy.

00:30:29.000 Like, he talks about everything.

00:30:31.000 Talks about the first time he smoked crack. 1.00

00:30:33.000 A girl was giving him a blowjob when he smoked crack. 0.99

00:30:35.000 How else are you supposed to do it? 0.99

00:30:37.000 He said it's the best experience he's ever had.

00:30:39.000 He says he's never topped it.

00:30:41.000 Wow.

00:30:42.000 Yeah.

00:30:42.000 Wow.

00:30:43.000 Makes you want to try it.

00:30:45.000 Makes you think, maybe.

00:30:48.000 He was a fascinating guest, too, having him in here. 0.99

00:30:51.000 It's like, that guy's been through so much shit and he's okay. 0.97

00:30:56.000 You know, it's like, how is he alive? 0.99

00:31:00.000 Some people are just different, right?

00:31:01.000 Tiger Blood.

00:31:03.000 I was on tour with him that whole time.

00:31:05.000 Right, that's right.

00:31:05.000 You were doing that thing with him.

00:31:07.000 So what happened was when he got kicked off of two and a half men and he went kind of kooky, he decided to do this whirlwind tour.

00:31:15.000 And the first one he did, he tried to go and just wing it.

00:31:18.000 Torpedo of truth.

00:31:19.000 Yeah, that's what he called it.

00:31:20.000 The winging it one did not work.

00:31:22.000 But then when he started doing it with you and he did it with Russell, Russell Peters did a bunch of them with him.

00:31:22.000 No.

00:31:28.000 With comics, it actually worked.

00:31:30.000 Because he would have someone to bounce stuff off of and they knew how to be entertaining and keep the flow going.

00:31:37.000 Right.

00:31:37.000 Yeah.

00:31:38.000 And then you got into those stories and it was amazing.

00:31:41.000 Yeah.

00:31:42.000 It totally turned around.

00:31:43.000 The first one I did was in Atlantic City, and he called me the night before.

00:31:49.000 And I was in LA at a party, and everyone was like, Yeah, yeah, go do it, go do it.

00:31:55.000 So I caught a like 6 a.m.

00:31:57.000 He called you the night before.

00:31:58.000 What did he say?

00:31:59.000 He's like, my shows aren't going good.

00:32:01.000 I didn't know him.

00:32:02.000 He goes, you know, like all these different people keep telling me Simon Rex, you know, other friends of his kept saying Jeff Ross could come out and roast you and save this.

00:32:12.000 So I just wrote jokes all night, you know, left the party, wrote jokes, caught a 6 a.m. flew.

00:32:17.000 I walk into his dressing room like an hour before.

00:32:20.000 Chuck Zito is literally staring me down going, don't be too mean to my guy.

00:32:24.000 You know, like they're just trying to scare me.

00:32:27.000 And I'm like, I'm here to like, I'm a comedian, you know.

00:32:30.000 And Charlie was really cool.

00:32:34.000 And I told his road manager, he goes, what do you need?

00:32:36.000 I go, I need a podium to roll out.

00:32:40.000 Big arenas.

00:32:41.000 I want to make it like a show.

00:32:43.000 And I need a hazmat suit because he'd been bombing for like a week every single night.

00:32:48.000 I go, I heard there's a bomb scare.

00:32:48.000 I'm going to come out.

00:32:50.000 And I roll out.

00:32:51.000 And it's Jersey, so it's my crowd.

00:32:53.000 And I just start roasting him.

00:32:55.000 And it went well.

00:32:56.000 And I was like, if you're winning, because he's always like, winning, winning. 0.99

00:32:59.000 I'm like, if you're winning, something's wrong with the fucking scoreboard. 0.99

00:33:07.000 Old Jeff with hair, duh, winning. 1.00

00:33:09.000 Look at that.

00:33:10.000 Boy, he looks so skinny.

00:33:13.000 That's a look of a guy who does Coke.

00:33:15.000 Look how ripped he is.

00:33:16.000 Jesus.

00:33:18.000 Oh, man.

00:33:19.000 He was up all night.

00:33:21.000 He was like.

00:33:22.000 So he was still partying hard back then.

00:33:24.000 You know, it's hard to say.

00:33:26.000 Had to be.

00:33:27.000 He didn't let me see that side of it.

00:33:28.000 I'm sure he was.

00:33:30.000 There's no chance he was clean.

00:33:33.000 Oh, that's right.

00:33:34.000 He was a warlock.

00:33:35.000 A warlock with tiger blood.

00:33:36.000 Right.

00:33:37.000 Violent Torpedo of Truth tour kicks off in Detroit.

00:33:40.000 TV star is booed off stage.

00:33:44.000 Yeah.

00:33:45.000 So then after that, they kept calling and going, you do this date and you do that date.

00:33:49.000 It was like more money than I'd ever made for a one night or so.

00:33:52.000 I just started getting on the bus and the plane with him.

00:33:55.000 How many dates did you guys do?

00:33:57.000 I wound up doing eight.

00:33:59.000 And Russell, how many did you do?

00:34:00.000 I don't know.

00:34:01.000 I don't know.

00:34:02.000 So he just had different comics.

00:34:03.000 Who else did it?

00:34:04.000 I don't remember anyone else but me.

00:34:06.000 So that's news to me that Russell did.

00:34:07.000 Yeah, Russell did a few.

00:34:08.000 At least one I know of.

00:34:10.000 There might have been some in Canada I didn't do.

00:34:12.000 Well, Russell's really good off the cuff.

00:34:14.000 You know, Russell's great work in the crowd.

00:34:16.000 I think Russell interviewed him.

00:34:18.000 I think Russell, like, that's how he did it?

00:34:22.000 Yeah, I think that's how he did it.

00:34:23.000 Because now it occurs to me that he had interviewers on some of them.

00:34:27.000 And he had a radio guy, and I think maybe Russell might have done a Canadian interview.

00:34:31.000 That's a smart way to do it.

00:34:32.000 Have someone who's smart and quick just interview.

00:34:35.000 Because the stories are so bananas.

00:34:38.000 All you need is the stories.

00:34:40.000 And he was so open about stuff, talking about how much crack he would smoke.

00:34:44.000 Oh, yeah.

00:34:45.000 And it was just so insane. 0.76

00:34:46.000 And everybody was so happy that someone was, instead of hiding from the fact that they fucked their life up, they were like celebrating that they were off the rails. 0.92

00:34:56.000 And everyone's like, tiger blood. 0.84

00:35:00.000 I remember even Diego Sanchez, who was fighting in the UFC, was saying he had tiger blood.

00:35:06.000 That's how popular it was getting.

00:35:09.000 Yeah, he was a thing.

00:35:11.000 Yeah, it was a thing.

00:35:12.000 But it was a new thing, right?

00:35:13.000 It was a movie star who had gone off the rails and was like celebrating it and being open and honest in interviews about prostitutes, cocaine, chaos, everything, all the above.

00:35:26.000 Yeah.

00:35:27.000 It was a totally new experience for the general public because before, if someone had an addiction problem, it was like, oh, so sad.

00:35:33.000 Right.

00:35:34.000 He was doing Coke and, you know, my life had fallen apart.

00:35:37.000 And then I found Jesus.

00:35:39.000 You know, it's like, always one of those things. 0.99

00:35:40.000 He wasn't on an apology or he went on a fuck YouTube. 0.99

00:35:43.000 Yeah, 100%. 0.99

00:35:44.000 And no one had ever done that before. 0.98

00:35:46.000 No one had ever done a fuck you tour before. 0.98

00:35:50.000 I mean, it was a little ill-advised the first ones, you know, when he went on by himself. 0.97

00:35:54.000 Like, that was a terrible idea.

00:35:56.000 Right.

00:35:56.000 You can't just wing it.

00:35:57.000 And when you're on Coke, you think you could do anything.

00:36:00.000 Or he would take questions, but there's 15,000 people yelling at him.

00:36:04.000 If you're going to take questions, it would have to be a person who's a moderator, who has a microphone and talks to another person and is there so they can keep it from going off the rails.

00:36:04.000 Right.

00:36:15.000 And then a line of people.

00:36:17.000 You can't just have people yelling out things in the audience.

00:36:20.000 One night, somebody wanted his money back, and he brought the guy up and gave his money back.

00:36:25.000 And then, of course, like 400 people stood up, like, I want my money back.

00:36:29.000 Oh, no.

00:36:30.000 He would get into, he would hear the audience too much.

00:36:33.000 Yeah.

00:36:34.000 Well, no experience with that kind of stuff.

00:36:36.000 Right.

00:36:37.000 If you think you could just do live audience and deal with 15,000 people's different personalities, then you don't know what that's like.

00:36:44.000 Right.

00:36:45.000 Good luck.

00:36:46.000 No, we wound up doing eight shows and I would always roast them.

00:36:49.000 So by the eighth show, I had 20 minutes of Charlie Sheen material.

00:36:52.000 Every city I'd add jokes.

00:36:54.000 So that's when I was like, why don't we just do this on TV?

00:36:57.000 I mean, we have the roast, and then we did the comedy Central Roast.

00:37:00.000 Nice.

00:37:01.000 Patrice and all that.

00:37:02.000 And Mike Tyson was at that one.

00:37:04.000 It's a really interesting career arc with him.

00:37:06.000 Well, if you know his story, he was on the set of Apocalypse Now with his father when he was 10.

00:37:12.000 Right. 0.99

00:37:13.000 And then 10 years later, he was doing, what was the fucking movie? 1.00

00:37:19.000 His fucking big war movie. 1.00

00:37:20.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:37:21.000 Warm blanket.

00:37:22.000 Platoon.

00:37:23.000 He was doing Platoon when he was 20.

00:37:24.000 Yeah.

00:37:25.000 Which is nuts.

00:37:26.000 10 years later.

00:37:27.000 I mean, he's doing the next iconic war movie.

00:37:27.000 Yeah.

00:37:31.000 And he's a 20-year-old kid.

00:37:31.000 Right.

00:37:33.000 And then all of a sudden, he's a fucking superstar. 0.99

00:37:37.000 He is great in that movie. 1.00

00:37:39.000 And he's just off the rails.

00:37:40.000 Just like no restrictions.

00:37:42.000 He's young.

00:37:42.000 He's rich.

00:37:43.000 He's handsome. 0.91

00:37:44.000 He's just going crazy doing drugs.

00:37:47.000 But he made it through it all.

00:37:49.000 That's what's nuts.

00:37:50.000 I got to check that doc out.

00:37:51.000 It's great.

00:37:52.000 He's a great interview, too. 0.97

00:37:54.000 Like, having him on the podcast was fucking great. 0.72

00:37:57.000 Like, he's a really nice guy. 0.95

00:37:59.000 He's very cool and honest about it all.

00:38:02.000 You know, and he's also like, hey, you know, I can still act. 0.96

00:38:05.000 Like, how about I've fucking paid my dues. 0.91

00:38:07.000 I've been sober for seven years. 0.99

00:38:08.000 Like, give me a shot.

00:38:10.000 Yeah.

00:38:10.000 He could still act.

00:38:12.000 He's a good actor.

00:38:13.000 I hope someone does do something like that.

00:38:15.000 Because I feel like if one big movie came along, like maybe Tarantino could put him in because he's the master at like reviving careers.

00:38:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:23.000 What he did with Travolta and Pulp Fiction.

00:38:25.000 Pulp Fiction, like Travolta was dead on the operating table in his career before Pulp Fiction.

00:38:31.000 Pulp Fiction came along and boom, he's back. 0.99

00:38:34.000 Because they realize, like, oh, shit, John Travolka, John Travolta can fucking act. 0.99

00:38:39.000 And that role was perfect for him. 1.00

00:38:41.000 Vince, he played this crazy hitman with Samuel Jackson. 1.00

00:38:45.000 Fucking, what a movie. 1.00

00:38:47.000 I watch it all the time. 1.00

00:38:48.000 Yeah, it completely revived his career.

00:38:51.000 Yeah, he's the, like, Quentin Tarantino is like the master of seeing things that other people don't see.

00:38:57.000 You know, he's like, that guy's still great.

00:38:59.000 Yeah.

00:39:00.000 And I think that's like the case with Charlie. 0.97

00:39:01.000 Like, someone's got to come along and see and just go, I just need to get him a role where he just can really sink his teeth into it and he'll fucking kill it. 0.90

00:39:12.000 Especially now at this stage of his life where he knows how important it is, he'll throw himself into it. 0.98

00:39:18.000 It'd be fucking amazing.

00:39:21.000 Like some people don't act for a long time and then look what Sean Penn just did. 0.96

00:39:24.000 He just and he came back after God knows how long and just did this totally iconic, unrecognizable, strange character.

00:39:32.000 I didn't see that movie.

00:39:33.000 I've heard all these mixed reviews.

00:39:35.000 Whatever.

00:39:36.000 It's interesting to see Sean's take on this soldier. 0.99

00:39:40.000 Look, Sean Penn's out of his fucking mind, but that's the kind of guy that makes a great actor. 0.99

00:39:45.000 He loves a great actor. 0.99

00:39:46.000 Ditch the Oscars to go see.

00:39:48.000 Yeah, go to Ukraine.

00:39:49.000 That's so cool.

00:39:50.000 Go hang out.

00:39:50.000 Go hang out with my boy Zelensky and do coke.

00:39:56.000 To that pure Russian coke.

00:39:59.000 Like how you think that's what they were doing.

00:40:01.000 I'm just guessing.

00:40:03.000 I'm just taking a wild guess.

00:40:04.000 But that guy, I mean, how about him? 1.00

00:40:06.000 Like, goes and fucking meets the drug lord. 0.99

00:40:09.000 What's his name? 1.00

00:40:10.000 What's wrong with my brain today, Jamie? 1.00

00:40:12.000 What the fuck's his name? 1.00

00:40:14.000 The dude he met in Mexico. 1.00

00:40:15.000 The guy who got arrested.

00:40:16.000 El Chapo.

00:40:17.000 El Chapo.

00:40:18.000 Thank you.

00:40:19.000 Went down and met El Chapo, and that's how El Chapo wound up getting arrested.

00:40:22.000 Right.

00:40:23.000 He wanted to meet Sean Penn.

00:40:24.000 Sean Penn.

00:40:25.000 He's like, all right, I'll go meet.

00:40:26.000 He wrote an article for Rolling Stone.

00:40:28.000 He was a journalist.

00:40:29.000 Right.

00:40:29.000 I remember.

00:40:30.000 I mean, like, what fucking movie star goes down and meets El Chapo? 0.96

00:40:37.000 By the way, that shirt, Connor McGregor bought a shirt that's like exactly like that shirt and recreated that pose with, I forget who he shook hands with, but it was like this like funny inside joke that a lot of people didn't catch. 0.98

00:40:53.000 It's like, why is he wearing that shirt?

00:40:54.000 And people realize, oh my God, he's wearing the El Chapo shirt.

00:41:00.000 He bought a similar shirt.

00:41:02.000 He's like literally doing that.

00:41:04.000 Oh, my gosh. 0.99

00:41:05.000 So silly. 0.99

00:41:06.000 He dressed as gangster El Chapo. 0.99

00:41:08.000 He's literally doing the thing, but he did it on purpose.

00:41:12.000 Nuts. 0.96

00:41:15.000 I mean, it takes insane balls to be a world-famous actor and decide I'm going to go meet a drug lord in Mexico and write an article for Rolling Stone. 0.99

00:41:26.000 He's an adventurer. 0.95

00:41:28.000 I guess.

00:41:28.000 Acting's a part of him, not all of him.

00:41:31.000 I mean, he must be. 0.99

00:41:32.000 He's in fucking Ukraine. 0.99

00:41:33.000 Like, what is he doing? 1.00

00:41:34.000 I remember being at a party, Eddie Vedder's birthday party, and Sean Penn walked in with Stormy Daniels.

00:41:40.000 Like, he has friends from the most diverse places.

00:41:45.000 Zelensky, Stormy.

00:41:45.000 That's funny.

00:41:48.000 Have you seen Kyle Dunnegan's face swap things with Trump and Stormy Daniels?

00:41:53.000 Oh, my God.

00:41:53.000 They're so funny.

00:41:54.000 So funny.

00:41:55.000 Kyle Dunnegan.

00:41:56.000 He's another guy that got revived by Kill Tony or really got the world got to see him.

00:42:03.000 Like we did, we covered his face swap videos a bunch of times on the podcast and blew them up.

00:42:08.000 But to see him as these characters, like when he plays RFK Jr., when he plays Elon, like that is what really kicked off Kyle's career.

00:42:19.000 Dude, his RFK is so fun.

00:42:22.000 Is Elon so good?

00:42:24.000 That's when he first started doing the face swap.

00:42:26.000 So this is the best.

00:42:28.000 My text chain's always sharing his stuff.

00:42:30.000 His Bill Maher.

00:42:31.000 His Bill Maher's amazing.

00:42:32.000 You know, I tried to play.

00:42:33.000 His jokes are funny about it.

00:42:35.000 I tried to play the Bill Maher impression with Bill Maher when he was in here.

00:42:38.000 He goes, if you play it, I'll leave.

00:42:41.000 Why does he care?

00:42:42.000 I don't know.

00:42:42.000 Because he doesn't hang out with comics enough.

00:42:45.000 He's out there doing his show, hanging out with political people, being all serious.

00:42:49.000 It's like you're not going to be able to do that.

00:42:50.000 He just wants to be a, what do you call it?

00:42:52.000 A contrarian.

00:42:54.000 I was on his podcast and like he literally he just wanted to fight about anything.

00:42:59.000 I go, the Ramones are great.

00:43:01.000 He's like, no, they're not.

00:43:02.000 I'm like, all right.

00:43:06.000 Rock and roll high school is not great.

00:43:08.000 Come on, son.

00:43:09.000 The look, the crazy hair.

00:43:10.000 All of it.

00:43:11.000 The Ramones is one of the greatest.

00:43:12.000 The Ramones ruled.

00:43:14.000 They were ruled.

00:43:15.000 Never had a song over two minutes and five seconds.

00:43:17.000 How can you say they're not great?

00:43:19.000 It's nice to go see them in college, man.

00:43:21.000 You don't have to like it, but you got to admit, there's a reason why people love them.

00:43:27.000 Yeah.

00:43:27.000 Right.

00:43:29.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:43:30.000 Yeah, man. 0.99

00:43:31.000 People are so weird when they want to say something sucks. 0.99

00:43:34.000 Like, I was having an argument with someone who's like Taylor Swift's all-dumb music. 0.98

00:43:37.000 I go, no, it's not.

00:43:39.000 She's got some great songs.

00:43:39.000 It's not.

00:43:41.000 Nobody, no crime, a great fucking song. 0.98

00:43:44.000 By the way, she respects anybody who writes their own music for produces their own music. 0.99

00:43:48.000 Also, it's like, do you think you're smarter than everybody who loves her?

00:43:52.000 Like, she's literally got more fans than anybody alive.

00:43:55.000 And you think they're all wrong?

00:43:56.000 That's kind of crazy.

00:43:58.000 Like, you don't have to like it.

00:44:00.000 You don't have to like it.

00:44:01.000 But people have closed minds.

00:44:05.000 I met her at an Oscar's party last weekend, and she introduced herself.

00:44:08.000 I was talking to Travis.

00:44:10.000 I was talking to Travis for a few minutes, and she said, hi, I'm Taylor.

00:44:14.000 I was a little starstruck because, I don't know, musicians are the last thing for me.

00:44:18.000 Like, I really respect.

00:44:20.000 And she was super cool, man.

00:44:22.000 And she was really cool, actually.

00:44:23.000 And I told her that I went to her Aeris show.

00:44:26.000 She said she watches the Roasts.

00:44:26.000 Did you really?

00:44:29.000 Oh, that's funny.

00:44:30.000 It was pretty cool, actually.

00:44:31.000 That's awesome.

00:44:32.000 I wonder when they make love if they wear helmets, those two.

00:44:36.000 Why do you think they wear helmets?

00:44:37.000 Just saying.

00:44:38.000 It's got to be wild.

00:44:40.000 Travis and it's all sweet and passionate.

00:44:42.000 Maybe.

00:44:43.000 That's what I think.

00:44:43.000 I hope so.

00:44:45.000 You have your fantasies.

00:44:47.000 I have mine.

00:44:50.000 Shoulder pads, cleats.

00:44:52.000 Yeah.

00:44:52.000 Going for it on Astro Turf.

00:44:54.000 He's a nice guy.

00:44:55.000 Is he?

00:44:55.000 Has he been in here?

00:44:56.000 No, never met him.

00:44:57.000 He'd be a good.

00:44:57.000 Good dude?

00:44:58.000 Yeah.

00:45:00.000 It's interesting when people are public, like a public relationship like that, two super famous people.

00:45:06.000 It's like, that's a lot of pressure.

00:45:09.000 And then you're putting it all out there in the world and like everybody's judging you.

00:45:13.000 It's hard enough to keep a relationship together.

00:45:15.000 But keep a relationship together when you have to field everyone's opinions of you. 0.97

00:45:19.000 Especially like Taylor Swift because how many fucking songs does she have about ex-boyfriends? 1.00

00:45:23.000 It's like, geez, if you break up with her, the fucking diss track of the universe is coming your way. 0.99

00:45:23.000 Right. 0.99

00:45:30.000 Yeah, right. 1.00

00:45:30.000 Kendrick Drake, fuck that. 1.00

00:45:33.000 Just don't break up with Taylor. 1.00

00:45:34.000 Exactly.

00:45:35.000 Yeah.

00:45:36.000 But it's like you're doing it in front of the world and you're inviting all of the shittiest people in the world to have their opinions about you.

00:45:42.000 It's like, it's a lot of pressure. 0.93

00:45:45.000 Look at freaking Timberlake this weekend. 0.94

00:45:47.000 That really pissed me off. 0.95

00:45:48.000 What happened?

00:45:49.000 They released a two or three year old video of him getting a DUI.

00:45:53.000 Yeah, oh, I did see that.

00:45:55.000 Why does that need to be out there?

00:45:57.000 How is that a legal thing to take a video of someone being arrested?

00:46:02.000 Like, why is that?

00:46:03.000 Because he's a public figure?

00:46:06.000 Why isn't that private?

00:46:07.000 I don't understand.

00:46:09.000 And there was nothing outrageous about it.

00:46:11.000 He's been hassling this guy and bringing up old news.

00:46:14.000 It really bugged me.

00:46:15.000 I mean, there was nothing outrageous about it.

00:46:17.000 I mean, he was very calm and relaxed.

00:46:19.000 And, you know, they arrested him for DUI.

00:46:22.000 They asked him a few questions.

00:46:24.000 There was nothing about it that was like, oh, look at Justin Timberlake.

00:46:29.000 He's off the rails.

00:46:29.000 He's acting crazy.

00:46:31.000 So it's like he had a few drinks.

00:46:33.000 Probably shouldn't have drove.

00:46:35.000 Drove, got caught.

00:46:36.000 That's it.

00:46:37.000 It happens to a lot of people.

00:46:37.000 Right.

00:46:39.000 Yeah.

00:46:39.000 And whatever, just because he's famous or whatever.

00:46:41.000 He wasn't acting like an asshole. 0.99

00:46:43.000 He didn't do anything terrible. 0.99

00:46:45.000 And, you know, and everybody wants like, ew, look at him.

00:46:48.000 He got caught.

00:46:49.000 Right.

00:46:49.000 You have too much money and you still got caught.

00:46:52.000 You know, obviously get a driver, dude.

00:46:52.000 Right.

00:46:55.000 You know, you're going to get drunk.

00:46:56.000 Right.

00:46:56.000 It's not that hard.

00:46:57.000 He's just tooling around the Hamptons.

00:46:58.000 They thought he was fine.

00:47:00.000 Yeah, that's probably it, right?

00:47:01.000 That's where all the rich people drink and drive.

00:47:05.000 I don't get having to torture somebody by releasing the videos.

00:47:09.000 Well, I mean, all he has to do is just not be online for a few days and it'll go away.

00:47:14.000 But it's like, why is it okay to release that?

00:47:17.000 Why is that a public record thing?

00:47:19.000 Unless there's like some, even if there's a case, that should be something that gets released in court.

00:47:25.000 No, they release it as a public information.

00:47:28.000 What?

00:47:29.000 Why?

00:47:29.000 Right.

00:47:30.000 Because he sings?

00:47:30.000 I don't know.

00:47:30.000 Why?

00:47:31.000 Because we live in a cruel fucking world. 1.00

00:47:33.000 That's why. 1.00

00:47:34.000 Yeah.

00:47:34.000 We live in a place where people enjoy cruelty.

00:47:38.000 They enjoy.

00:47:39.000 Well, it's like you look at him.

00:47:40.000 You know, he's like super famous, married to, what's her name?

00:47:44.000 Was he married to?

00:47:45.000 Jessica Beale.

00:47:46.000 Beautiful woman.

00:47:47.000 Yeah.

00:47:47.000 He's got this perfect life.

00:47:47.000 Right?

00:47:49.000 He's rich.

00:47:49.000 He's famous.

00:47:50.000 He can dance.

00:47:50.000 He can sing.

00:47:51.000 He's tall.

00:47:52.000 He's handsome.

00:47:53.000 He's a star when he was young.

00:47:55.000 You know, that's how everybody is. 1.00

00:47:55.000 Fuck that guy. 1.00

00:47:56.000 Like, oh, look, he was drunk. 1.00

00:47:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:47:59.000 Bitch, you've been drunk before too. 1.00

00:48:00.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:48:01.000 Right. 1.00

00:48:01.000 And if you haven't, fuck you. 1.00

00:48:03.000 If you've never been drunk, fuck you. 1.00

00:48:05.000 Unless like your dad was an alcoholic and, you know, understanding circumstances. 1.00

00:48:11.000 But it's like, why is that something that people are into?

00:48:15.000 I saw it.

00:48:15.000 It came across my news feed, and I looked at it for a few seconds.

00:48:19.000 I was like, there's nothing outrageous about this.

00:48:21.000 But you see Alan Richmond, though? 0.97

00:48:23.000 The guy who plays Reacher, he beat the fuck out of some guy in front of some kids today. 0.98

00:48:23.000 No. 0.98

00:48:30.000 Yeah, or yesterday.

00:48:31.000 It was crazy.

00:48:33.000 That guy's a giant dude.

00:48:34.000 You know that show, Reacher?

00:48:36.000 Yeah, I heard of it. 0.98

00:48:37.000 He's fucking huge and jacked, and he was riding dirt bikes, and he got in some altercation with his neighbor, and someone filmed it. 0.99

00:48:45.000 And, you know, he's this hulking guy. 1.00

00:48:47.000 And I don't know what the circumstances were.

00:48:49.000 Maybe the guy deserved it. 1.00

00:48:51.000 Maybe the guy was a piece of shit. 1.00

00:48:52.000 Maybe the guy came after him first. 1.00

00:48:54.000 But all you see in the video is him beating this guy up. 0.99

00:48:58.000 And, you know, he's fucking this tank of a man. 0.99

00:49:01.000 He's huge. 1.00

00:49:02.000 He's like 250 pounds. 1.00

00:49:04.000 And he's beating some guy's ass. 0.99

00:49:05.000 And then he gets back on his motorcycle. 0.99

00:49:07.000 And he's doing it in front of kids, too, which is kind of crazy.

00:49:11.000 Violence.

00:49:12.000 Well, it's also, it's like, why you?

00:49:14.000 I don't know what happened.

00:49:15.000 So I don't really want to comment on the extenuating circumstances.

00:49:21.000 Right.

00:49:21.000 Pushed off the bike by the man.

00:49:23.000 Oh, the guy pushed him off the bike.

00:49:26.000 Okay.

00:49:28.000 Well, then that guy's just trying to get it.

00:49:29.000 You want to see the video?

00:49:30.000 Let's watch the video.

00:49:31.000 So watch the video. 1.00

00:49:33.000 Like, so this is after he already beat the guy's ass. 0.99

00:49:39.000 I don't, I'm not going to show it. 0.99

00:49:41.000 So he's punching the dude.

00:49:43.000 The other guy's a big guy, too. 0.91

00:49:47.000 He might have just had a dicky neighbor. 1.00

00:49:49.000 Boy, neighbors, and like, especially if you got a homeowners association, they're some fucking shitheads. 1.00

00:49:55.000 So this guy, so if the guy pushed him off the bike, I kind of understand. 1.00

00:50:02.000 If the guy pushed him off the bike, he's lucky.

00:50:04.000 This could be an eight-year-old.

00:50:04.000 That's all he did to him.

00:50:06.000 Yeah, those little kids.

00:50:08.000 But those little kids that are there, too.

00:50:10.000 And he's yelling at them and pointing at them. 1.00

00:50:13.000 But if you really did push him off the bike, that guy's a piece of shit. 1.00

00:50:17.000 And he's lucky. 1.00

00:50:18.000 And look, he's an idiot. 1.00

00:50:19.000 Because even after he beat his ass, he's still getting in his face. 1.00

00:50:24.000 And he's still talking shit. 1.00

00:50:27.000 Okay. 1.00

00:50:28.000 Well, that's a different story.

00:50:29.000 Well, that's good.

00:50:30.000 That's good to know. 1.00

00:50:30.000 Yeah, fuck that guy. 1.00

00:50:32.000 You know, push someone off a bike. 1.00

00:50:33.000 And it's like because the dirt bikes were loud and they're in the neighborhood.

00:50:37.000 You know, turn your TV up. 1.00

00:50:38.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:50:39.000 Right. 1.00

00:50:39.000 People are just so into everybody's business. 1.00

00:50:42.000 I've watched so many videos of homeowners associations yelling at people for doing whatever, parking an old car in your driveway.

00:50:50.000 I'm not right.

00:50:51.000 People always love to tell people what they can and can't do.

00:50:55.000 I've had homeowners' associations before.

00:50:55.000 Right.

00:50:57.000 I don't know if you've ever dealt with that. 1.00

00:50:59.000 It is a fucking nightmare. 0.99

00:51:01.000 You have to sit down and talk to these dorks who tell you what you should and shouldn't do with your fence. 1.00

00:51:07.000 Yeah.

00:51:08.000 How high are your hedges?

00:51:09.000 Dude, I had a situation once where there was all these wrought iron fences in my neighborhood.

00:51:14.000 And I repaired my fence and I replaced it with a different wrought iron fence.

00:51:18.000 And they said, you can't have wrought iron fences.

00:51:20.000 We have a new rule.

00:51:21.000 It has to be a questring fence.

00:51:23.000 I said, but there's no consistency.

00:51:24.000 I said, the entire neighborhood has wrought iron fences.

00:51:26.000 They said, it doesn't matter.

00:51:28.000 I said, well, let's go to court. 1.00

00:51:30.000 I go, I don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:51:31.000 I go, I'll sue you. 1.00

00:51:32.000 I go, I have money.

00:51:33.000 I go, let's go to court. 0.99

00:51:34.000 I go, I'm not taking my fucking fence down. 0.99

00:51:36.000 And they're like, you're going to take your fence down. 0.99

00:51:38.000 I go, you're not going to tell me anything.

00:51:41.000 You're not going to tell me what to do.

00:51:43.000 Just because I go, it looks great.

00:51:44.000 It's not like it's a blight on the neighborhood.

00:51:47.000 The house is beautiful. 1.00

00:51:48.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:51:49.000 And eventually I won. 1.00

00:51:52.000 Did you have to sue?

00:51:53.000 Well, I threatened to sue, and they backed off because they were afraid of suing.

00:51:55.000 They were afraid of lawsuits because then they would have to use the Homeowners Association funds to do this.

00:52:01.000 And it didn't make any sense.

00:52:02.000 Like, I talked to a lawyer about it.

00:52:03.000 I said, does this make any sense?

00:52:04.000 He goes, no, there's a precedent in the neighborhood.

00:52:06.000 Like, every third house had wrought iron fencing.

00:52:10.000 And it wasn't like it wasn't good looking.

00:52:12.000 Like, it was beautiful.

00:52:13.000 It was new.

00:52:14.000 It was clean.

00:52:15.000 I had a reputable company build it.

00:52:17.000 There's nothing wrong with it.

00:52:18.000 And I was replacing wrought iron fence with more wrought iron fence.

00:52:21.000 It was just better.

00:52:22.000 It was like the fence was broken.

00:52:24.000 It was like, you know, they get rusty where they connect. 0.94

00:52:24.000 It looked shitty. 0.94

00:52:27.000 And I had to get it replaced. 0.98

00:52:28.000 So, what on earth was their problem? 1.00

00:52:30.000 Just cunts. 1.00

00:52:30.000 Cunts. 1.00

00:52:31.000 This is how cunty they are. 0.99

00:52:32.000 I had a neighbor who lived across the street.

00:52:36.000 He told me that I had to trim my trees and thin them out so that he could see the view in the distance.

00:52:45.000 And I said, What are you talking about?

00:52:46.000 And he said, We have a regulation that says you can't obstruct the view.

00:52:51.000 I go, These trees have been here for 50 years.

00:52:55.000 And then I talked to the guy who sold me the house. 0.99

00:52:56.000 He's like, That asshole was trying to do that with me, too. 1.00

00:52:58.000 Just tell him to fuck himself. 1.00

00:53:00.000 He's just a weird guy. 1.00

00:53:01.000 He said, He built an observation deck at the top of his hill in his backyard so he could see like the lights of the city in the distance.

00:53:08.000 And he wanted you to cut your trees down so you're obstructing the view.

00:53:12.000 I go, Your house is obstructing my view of this hill.

00:53:16.000 I like to look at hills.

00:53:17.000 Is that what we're going to do?

00:53:18.000 Take your house down.

00:53:20.000 You take your house down, I'll trim the trees. 1.00

00:53:21.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:53:22.000 No, lift his house up. 1.00

00:53:24.000 He's like, Oh, so it's going to be like that.

00:53:25.000 I go, gonna be like what?

00:53:26.000 You want me to cut trees down so you could see, like, you don't have a view, man.

00:53:31.000 You're not on the edge of the hill.

00:53:32.000 You're back set.

00:53:34.000 This is what the view looks like from where you are.

00:53:36.000 Right.

00:53:37.000 This house has been here before your house was there.

00:53:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:53:39.000 Go eat shit. 1.00

00:53:41.000 You could have asked nice, and maybe you would have done something. 1.00

00:53:43.000 I wouldn't have done a fucking thing. 0.95

00:53:45.000 It's not, it didn't make any sense. 0.98

00:53:47.000 It's just people want to tell people what to do.

00:53:50.000 Like I was reading this article where this homeowners association hired a tow company to go around the neighborhood and tow all the cars that had expired tags.

00:54:00.000 Can you imagine?

00:54:01.000 Like, your tags expired? 0.99

00:54:03.000 Like, ah, fuck, I'll get to it. 0.99

00:54:04.000 I'm busy. 1.00

00:54:05.000 I'll get to it next week.

00:54:06.000 You know, you're just running around.

00:54:08.000 And then all of a sudden, they tow your car. 1.00

00:54:11.000 Like, fuck you, man. 1.00

00:54:13.000 Like, fuck you. 1.00

00:54:14.000 It's just people love to tell other people what to do. 1.00

00:54:17.000 And homeowners associations, when they get power, they become like the little hall monitors of the neighborhood.

00:54:23.000 You know, your grass is unruly.

00:54:26.000 You, I mean, it's supposed to be two inches.

00:54:28.000 It's four.

00:54:30.000 Like, just people.

00:54:32.000 People love to do that.

00:54:34.000 They love to tell people what to do and what not to do.

00:54:37.000 I have one neighbor who kind of runs the whole block.

00:54:40.000 She puts everyone on an email chain, and she's pretty, she leads with love, but she looks out for everybody.

00:54:47.000 Well, as long as I'm looking out, it's not bad.

00:54:49.000 It's just like nonsense.

00:54:51.000 Like the guy wanted me to trim the trees.

00:54:53.000 He wanted me to thin out my trees.

00:54:55.000 You want me to chop the trees down?

00:54:56.000 He goes, No, I just want you to thin them out.

00:54:58.000 You can thin them out.

00:54:59.000 I go, What?

00:55:00.000 What are you talking about?

00:55:01.000 Chop all the leaves off so that you could see lights in the distance? 1.00

00:55:06.000 It was like the dumbest conversation. 1.00

00:55:08.000 And he realized while we're in the middle of the conversation how dumb this is. 1.00

00:55:11.000 Right. 0.96

00:55:12.000 And then we never talked again.

00:55:13.000 And I would see him occasionally.

00:55:15.000 Isn't there a safety issue with trimming your trees, like thinning them out?

00:55:19.000 Fire?

00:55:20.000 Well, I mean, where we were, there was the real issue is brush.

00:55:25.000 The real issue is the ground, you know, dried brush on the ground.

00:55:29.000 We were evacuated from where I lived three times from fires.

00:55:33.000 Down here?

00:55:33.000 No, this is in California.

00:55:35.000 And when I lived in California, the last big fire in 2018, we lost three houses in front of our house.

00:55:35.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:55:42.000 And my neighbor's house caught on fire.

00:55:45.000 But I had one, my crazy friend Bud would not leave the neighborhood.

00:55:48.000 They evacuated the whole neighborhood.

00:55:50.000 He wouldn't leave.

00:55:50.000 He's like, I'm staying.

00:55:52.000 He's like, I'm staying.

00:55:52.000 I'm going to save my house.

00:55:53.000 I'm going to save other people's houses. 0.99

00:55:55.000 And he fucking did. 0.99

00:55:56.000 He saved his house. 1.00

00:55:57.000 He saved my neighbor's house.

00:55:59.000 My neighbor's house, the roof was on fire.

00:56:02.000 He got water on it.

00:56:03.000 He called the fire department.

00:56:04.000 There were fire departments that were like trying to put out fires in the neighborhood the moment they started.

00:56:09.000 And they hosed his roof down.

00:56:11.000 Because embers will fly and they land.

00:56:14.000 No, I had it in L.A. and I had to evacuate for one day.

00:56:17.000 It's spooky, man.

00:56:19.000 The fires in California are no joke, man.

00:56:22.000 It's really weird to see when it happens because you realize how nature is completely in control when that happens.

00:56:28.000 You just this storm of flames that comes over the hills.

00:56:33.000 It's wild.

00:56:34.000 It's wild and it cannot be controlled.

00:56:36.000 And once it starts, it's just a matter of trying to contain it.

00:56:39.000 And a certain amount of houses are just going to go no matter what, depending on which way the wind blows.

00:56:45.000 But that wasn't what the problem was. 1.00

00:56:48.000 This guy was just a cunt. 1.00

00:56:50.000 Just a just, it's a homeowners association thing. 1.00

00:56:54.000 It's just like people that think they, like, there was a, I'm still a part of this email group that, you know, I'm still on the email of the Homeowners Association.

00:57:03.000 One of the guys poisoned one of the people in the Homeowner Association's dogs.

00:57:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:10.000 Like they got in some sort of a dispute about something, and this guy poisoned his fucking dogs. 1.00

00:57:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:16.000 Wow. 1.00

00:57:18.000 Evil cocksucker. 1.00

00:57:19.000 Wow. 1.00

00:57:20.000 But it's like that kind of thing.

00:57:21.000 It's these people that just want to control their neighbors, man.

00:57:24.000 It's so weird.

00:57:25.000 Like one of my neighbors.

00:57:26.000 What's the punishment for that? 1.00

00:57:28.000 He should be shot. 1.00

00:57:30.000 You fucking piece of shit. 1.00

00:57:31.000 That's like killing a family member. 1.00

00:57:33.000 He should have to eat whatever he gave those dogs. 0.98

00:57:35.000 He should go to jail for sure.

00:57:37.000 I don't know what happened.

00:57:38.000 I don't know if they caught the guy.

00:57:40.000 I don't think they know exactly who did it.

00:57:42.000 They had no video evidence.

00:57:44.000 The person who lived there apparently didn't have good security cameras.

00:57:48.000 But it's so weird.

00:57:51.000 Like they would get mad at someone for the way they designed their house. 1.00

00:57:54.000 And I was like, what do you give a fuck? 0.99

00:57:57.000 And he's like, this is like one of my neighbors built a house and my other neighbor goes, what do you think about his house? 1.00

00:58:02.000 I go, it's a house.

00:58:03.000 Like, I don't care.

00:58:04.000 And he's like, I think it's ugly.

00:58:06.000 And this house is going to lower our property values.

00:58:08.000 I go, what? 0.99

00:58:09.000 What are you fucking talking about? 0.99

00:58:10.000 Your house looks great. 1.00

00:58:12.000 You have a beautiful house.

00:58:13.000 You think people are going to pay less for your house because this house is boring?

00:58:16.000 Like, this doesn't even make any sense.

00:58:18.000 But it's just people, they nitpick.

00:58:20.000 And when they have control, when people have control over other people's situations.

00:58:25.000 Like, they don't have control over their own life and their life is just a sloppy mess.

00:58:30.000 They always like to look at other people's lives.

00:58:32.000 And I don't like where he puts his dumpsters.

00:58:34.000 It's a hater.

00:58:35.000 Yeah.

00:58:36.000 We all confront that all the time.

00:58:37.000 It's not just a hater.

00:58:38.000 It's a hater with power because of homeowners' associations.

00:58:42.000 And from that moment on, I decided I will never buy a home with a homeowners association.

00:58:48.000 Never. 0.99

00:58:49.000 No fucking chance. 0.99

00:58:50.000 I don't care how cool they are because someone not cool could move in and then it becomes a nightmare. 0.99

00:58:55.000 I will never have conversations with those kind of people where they tell you what you could do with your lawn. 1.00

00:59:00.000 Like, fuck you. 1.00

00:59:02.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:59:03.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:59:05.000 When I was a young comic, I lived with my grandfather in the house that I grew up in, and we would never, ever, ever mow the lawn. 1.00

00:59:11.000 We just didn't have any money.

00:59:13.000 We didn't care.

00:59:13.000 And everyone in our neighborhood just hated us.

00:59:16.000 They would heckle us and yell at us.

00:59:18.000 So I guess I've been the eyesore and now I'm on the other side of it.

00:59:22.000 My grandfather lived in the same house that he bought in the 1940s.

00:59:26.000 And when he bought it in the 1940s, this was in – it was an all-Italian neighborhood in Newark.

00:59:31.000 And then they started doing – you were born in Newark?

00:59:35.000 Newark, New Jersey. 0.99

00:59:36.000 No shit, working. 1.00

00:59:37.000 New York City, motherfucker. 1.00

00:59:38.000 Let's go. 1.00

00:59:40.000 That's where I learned karate.

00:59:41.000 Is that really?

00:59:42.000 From detectives in Newark.

00:59:43.000 Really?

00:59:44.000 Yeah, people don't know.

00:59:44.000 Oh, yeah.

00:59:45.000 You're a black belt in Taekwondo.

00:59:47.000 Yep, yep, yep, yep.

00:59:48.000 That's wild.

00:59:49.000 Do you still do it at all?

00:59:50.000 I mean, I work out, like, you know, not with people, but I know my moves.

00:59:55.000 And I do a few in the new Netflix special.

00:59:57.000 I throw some kicks for fun and tell the story about getting a black belt starting at six, getting bullied.

01:00:04.000 My mom dragging me to the house of empty hands.

01:00:08.000 That was what it was called.

01:00:09.000 Ronnie Roselli, Newark detective, teaching me karate, almost like a father figure.

01:00:14.000 Oh, that's awesome.

01:00:15.000 Gave me confidence, gave me self-respect, respect for others, taught me that hard work pays off.

01:00:23.000 You know, when you get a black belt at 10 and a half, you go, wow, maybe I could be something in my life.

01:00:28.000 If I work as hard as I did at that, maybe I could be good at something else, too.

01:00:33.000 I mean, it teaches you a lot about like the belt system is really good because you get rewarded for your work and then you see like a tangible result.

01:00:33.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:00:42.000 Instead of just like, ooh, I'm getting better.

01:00:44.000 It's like, oh, there's like a ceremony.

01:00:46.000 I've reached a new level.

01:00:46.000 Yeah.

01:00:47.000 Yeah.

01:00:48.000 Like, now, you know, now I have to be.

01:00:50.000 Some of my most cherished memories are those ceremonies of my dad and mom watching me get my brown belt, blue belt, brown belt, and black belt, competing in tournaments all over the East Coast.

01:01:01.000 Isn't that awesome?

01:01:02.000 What was his name?

01:01:02.000 Gary is this karate guy.

01:01:05.000 I used to throw Gary Alexander.

01:01:07.000 He threw East Coast tournaments and I used to compete.

01:01:10.000 I still have a room for half a dozen karate trophies.

01:01:13.000 It's the best time of my life.

01:01:13.000 That's awesome.

01:01:15.000 I lost most of my stuff, but I do have a bunch of medals that I still have that are in my drawer by my bed.

01:01:21.000 A bunch of medals from the day.

01:01:22.000 But it seems weird when I pick them up.

01:01:24.000 They don't even seem real.

01:01:25.000 It's from another life.

01:01:27.000 Oh, it's another life.

01:01:28.000 Like, I don't even, until I hit a bag or something like that, I almost forget that I could do it.

01:01:34.000 You know?

01:01:35.000 And then I do it.

01:01:36.000 I'm like, ooh.

01:01:37.000 Right.

01:01:37.000 Still got it.

01:01:38.000 I like block.

01:01:40.000 I like my kicks.

01:01:42.000 I can front snap kick.

01:01:43.000 I can't sidekick.

01:01:44.000 I can barely round house at this point.

01:01:46.000 But it's like.

01:01:47.000 Why not?

01:01:48.000 I got a belly.

01:01:52.000 There's no real good reason other than I'm just, you know.

01:01:57.000 You ever thought about like starting to take classes again?

01:01:59.000 If I, if I, I, I, I do think about it.

01:02:02.000 I probably could.

01:02:03.000 Yeah.

01:02:03.000 You know, you're good at kicking of pushing me to do stuff like that.

01:02:07.000 It'd be good for your health.

01:02:08.000 Just take a class a couple times a week.

01:02:10.000 What would I take?

01:02:11.000 If I was a black belt and taekwondo.

01:02:13.000 Take Taekwondo.

01:02:14.000 Just start taking that again.

01:02:15.000 Yeah.

01:02:16.000 I mean, you're doing it for exercise.

01:02:17.000 It's not like you're going to fight in the UFC.

01:02:18.000 No.

01:02:19.000 Just go and start, you know.

01:02:21.000 You'd probably feel it a little bit, and then you remember what you used to be able to do.

01:02:26.000 And so your muscle memory would kick in.

01:02:28.000 Yeah.

01:02:29.000 You'd start probably watching your diet a little bit better.

01:02:32.000 Right.

01:02:32.000 Drinking more water.

01:02:34.000 Taking vitamins.

01:02:34.000 Yeah.

01:02:35.000 And next thing you know, four or five months have gone by, and now your waist is thinner.

01:02:40.000 Your kicks are snappier.

01:02:42.000 You're going to three classes a week instead of two.

01:02:45.000 You know, you feel better.

01:02:47.000 People go, Jeff, look at you.

01:02:49.000 You're looking great.

01:02:50.000 Like, hey, I started taking taekwondo again.

01:02:52.000 Yeah, it's not a bad idea.

01:02:54.000 I guess I wouldn't wear my black belt.

01:02:56.000 I would feel like I was disrespecting the art.

01:03:01.000 Yeah.

01:03:02.000 So I'd have to reearn that.

01:03:04.000 Well, you could always take a totally new style and start out as a white belt. 0.96

01:03:07.000 You know, you take like Kyokushin.

01:03:09.000 This is the shirt I'm wearing right now, George St. Pierre.

01:03:12.000 Take something else.

01:03:13.000 Just take something near you.

01:03:14.000 Like Crop McGah. 0.99

01:03:15.000 Like, take anything.

01:03:16.000 My manager, Amy, told me she was your publicist when you were on the cover of Black Belt Magazine.

01:03:21.000 Oh, yeah.

01:03:22.000 Amy's me.

01:03:24.000 Yeah.

01:03:25.000 Yeah, way back in the Dizzy.

01:03:27.000 I love that.

01:03:28.000 That's so funny.

01:03:29.000 Yeah.

01:03:30.000 I mean, I never stopped working out.

01:03:32.000 I just don't.

01:03:33.000 It's too much of a part of my brain.

01:03:36.000 Like, my mind doesn't operate well if I have days.

01:03:39.000 Even if I just take a couple days off, I don't feel right.

01:03:43.000 I feel squirrely.

01:03:45.000 I feel like I'm not balanced.

01:03:47.000 You know?

01:03:48.000 Sometimes I just like to stand in front of a mirror and just throw blocks and just make sure that I like the way that it feels.

01:03:55.000 Yeah.

01:03:56.000 It's meditative.

01:03:56.000 Just do it.

01:03:57.000 Yeah.

01:03:58.000 You know what I used to love doing, especially when I lived in California?

01:03:58.000 Yeah.

01:04:01.000 I'd take a couple bong hits and just hit the bag and just like feel it.

01:04:05.000 Just whoo.

01:04:07.000 Just start feeling it.

01:04:09.000 Just whoomp. 0.59

01:04:10.000 I remember my cottage.

01:04:12.000 Do you?

01:04:12.000 Do you remember all those?

01:04:13.000 I remember at least the first two, I think.

01:04:15.000 God, I used to hate those things.

01:04:17.000 I didn't think, I was young and immature, and I didn't understand the value of forms.

01:04:22.000 I used to think that this is pointless.

01:04:24.000 This isn't fighting.

01:04:26.000 I only wanted to practice fighting technique.

01:04:28.000 But now I understand.

01:04:29.000 It teaches you body control.

01:04:31.000 Like, you know, you throw a sidekick and you snap it up in the air and you hold it and you turn and block and all that stuff.

01:04:38.000 Like it teaches you body.

01:04:39.000 It's like a, almost like a form of yoga.

01:04:42.000 You know, and it teaches you to control your body.

01:04:44.000 I do a lot of kicks in the air now and I do them slowly.

01:04:48.000 Like I, and it, it's really good for your control and your balance.

01:04:54.000 And I didn't think that when I was younger.

01:04:56.000 I thought that was like a waste of time.

01:04:57.000 I thought like really what's important is like hitting things really hard and being fast.

01:05:02.000 And now I realize like, no, no, no, no.

01:05:04.000 There's like a lot of value even to help your techniques and to be able to hit things hard.

01:05:09.000 Like do it slowly and just have full control of your balance and your movement.

01:05:14.000 So I like to do that.

01:05:15.000 I like to do like slow kicks.

01:05:18.000 That's why I like yoga.

01:05:19.000 Yoga's amazing.

01:05:21.000 Yeah.

01:05:21.000 I feel like that's akin to martial arts.

01:05:24.000 It makes me high.

01:05:25.000 Yoga is like the thing.

01:05:26.000 You take your shoes off.

01:05:27.000 Oh, yeah.

01:05:28.000 Your phone is gone.

01:05:29.000 You're so relaxed.

01:05:30.000 It's about your body and your calm.

01:05:32.000 Yeah.

01:05:33.000 Yeah.

01:05:34.000 Yoga is so good for your brain.

01:05:36.000 Usually on Mondays when I'm here, I would go with Tony to his high yoga.

01:05:39.000 Yeah.

01:05:40.000 Oh, Tony loves it.

01:05:41.000 He raves about his yoga.

01:05:41.000 Yeah.

01:05:42.000 He told me he's been off it a little bit.

01:05:44.000 He has.

01:05:45.000 Well, you know, the thing about Tony is like, he's so focused on Kill Tony right now because the momentum is so extraordinary and he realizes that.

01:05:53.000 Like Tony's really aware that he's in a very rare moment in his life where things are going so well.

01:05:58.000 So he's got his foot on the gas.

01:06:00.000 Yeah, of course.

01:06:01.000 And he's got his new special that he filmed that he's editing right now, get ready to release.

01:06:06.000 I'm so proud of him, man.

01:06:07.000 And he's earned it.

01:06:09.000 I always told him he would take a different path than a normal entertainer.

01:06:13.000 He always had this kind of odd trajectory.

01:06:16.000 Well, he's an odd guy.

01:06:17.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:06:18.000 You know, Tony, you'd swear he's gay. 0.92

01:06:20.000 He's not.

01:06:24.000 But he's an awesome person.

01:06:26.000 Like, people who don't know Tony, they see like the outside of him.

01:06:29.000 Like, as a friend, he's a great friend.

01:06:32.000 He's a great guy.

01:06:33.000 I love that.

01:06:34.000 We're checking out each other.

01:06:36.000 He was so happy.

01:06:36.000 He's the best.

01:06:37.000 He was the first one to text me when I knew I was coming down here.

01:06:40.000 When I was workshopping my show, he came and saw it in Austin.

01:06:45.000 He came to the opening night on Broadway in New York.

01:06:48.000 He's like there for his friends.

01:06:50.000 100%.

01:06:51.000 Well, that's the beautiful thing about Kill Tony is it's all about supporting people and giving people careers.

01:06:56.000 I mean, he's given so many people careers and pumps so many people up.

01:06:56.000 Yeah.

01:07:01.000 I mean, he's, it's really that thing, that Kill Tony thing is also, it is, in my opinion.

01:07:08.000 Well, first of all, for our club, it's the cornerstone of the club.

01:07:12.000 It's one of the most important things about the mothership because having Kill Tony at the mothership every Monday night lets all these people that are upcoming comedians see what it's like to have one minute that you've polished and worked on really well and it kills and then you pop and then all of a sudden, you know, it's on YouTube.

01:07:31.000 It's got 11 million views, and then, you know, maybe it's on Netflix, and it's got millions and millions of people watching all around the world.

01:07:38.000 And then all of a sudden, people come to see you in the clubs, and you're selling out weekends, and you're writing, and then you get a golden ticket.

01:07:44.000 You got to do a new minute every week.

01:07:46.000 You're a regular.

01:07:47.000 I mean, it's a new minute.

01:07:49.000 My show comes on tonight.

01:07:51.000 It's 90 minutes.

01:07:53.000 It might be the longest stand-up special in Netflix history.

01:07:56.000 Well, your show is like a one-man show.

01:07:59.000 It's a little different, right?

01:07:59.000 90 minutes.

01:08:01.000 I haven't seen it, but I've heard great things.

01:08:03.000 Yeah.

01:08:03.000 You're going to love it.

01:08:04.000 I'm sure it will.

01:08:05.000 You're really, I think you're going to like it because it's about us.

01:08:07.000 It's about comedy and the community of what we do. 0.94

01:08:12.000 It's an embattled community, and it has its like detractors, and it has a bunch of haters and a bunch of shitheads in it.

01:08:19.000 But for the most part, like as far as creative communities, it's one of the most supportive communities ever.

01:08:26.000 I mean, it's an amazing community of comics, like real comics, that are all that when we meet up in clubs, it's always hug.

01:08:33.000 Like, people think we're all like angry, bitter, like the tears of a clown.

01:08:40.000 It's not, there's a few people like that, and they always make me sad.

01:08:44.000 But the reality is, like, most of us are super happy to see each other.

01:08:48.000 It's always hugs and laughing and watching each other's sets and giving each other tags and telling each other, like, oh, that fucking new bit is amazing.

01:08:56.000 It's like, it's so supportive.

01:08:58.000 I was at your club last night, and it was like comics come in to say hi.

01:09:03.000 I brought some extra chicken wings.

01:09:04.000 Jamar was there.

01:09:06.000 It was just fun.

01:09:07.000 Moses was doing roast battle.

01:09:08.000 I sat in on that.

01:09:10.000 Then I went outside, said hi to some people, and went upstairs and did a spot.

01:09:14.000 It's like it's family.

01:09:18.000 I don't have a wife and kids to go home to.

01:09:20.000 This is what I do.

01:09:21.000 This is the people that I love.

01:09:23.000 The comedians are my kids, my cousins, my uncles, my aunts.

01:09:27.000 You know, well, I do have a wife and kids, but it's still my other family.

01:09:31.000 Yeah.

01:09:32.000 It's like the family of comedians.

01:09:33.000 It's like a band of brothers and sisters.

01:09:36.000 It's like a weird kind of friendship that, you know, it's like only they know what you do.

01:09:43.000 You know, only they understand that it's like 10 years before you're even any good.

01:09:48.000 Right. 0.99

01:09:48.000 10 years of being like if you're out there and you're headlining a club and you're on the road, like you fucking put in that work. 0.99

01:09:56.000 There's no shortcuts. 0.85

01:09:57.000 It's impossible to have a shortcut.

01:09:59.000 You just got to grind.

01:10:01.000 I learned long and I learned though over time, I don't want a shortcut.

01:10:04.000 I like the process.

01:10:06.000 That's what I live for.

01:10:06.000 Yes.

01:10:07.000 Oh, yeah.

01:10:08.000 You know, we have a roast coming up May 10th.

01:10:11.000 It's not about May 10th.

01:10:14.000 It's about, I can't wait to hang in the writer's room again.

01:10:17.000 I can't wait to figure out who's coming.

01:10:19.000 I can't wait to figure out the seating.

01:10:22.000 Who are we going to make fun of?

01:10:24.000 Who's going to be in the front?

01:10:26.000 You know, what am I going to wear?

01:10:27.000 It's the grind that's exciting.

01:10:31.000 Yeah, there's no finish line.

01:10:32.000 Right.

01:10:33.000 The finish line doesn't exist.

01:10:34.000 You'll have little finish lines like you do a special, like your special that's coming out.

01:10:38.000 That's a finish line.

01:10:40.000 But it's only a stop.

01:10:42.000 Right.

01:10:42.000 You're stopping to get water.

01:10:44.000 But where is the finish line, Joe?

01:10:45.000 Like, okay, so I did the Broadway show, then I shot it, then I edited it.

01:10:49.000 But now I'm here still talking about it.

01:10:52.000 And then in a month from now, two months from now, someone will stop me at the airport and go, hey, I was, my kid was sick.

01:10:57.000 I was in the hospital.

01:10:58.000 I watched your thing and it made me laugh for five minutes when life was.

01:11:02.000 So all of it is.

01:11:06.000 There's no finish lines.

01:11:07.000 No.

01:11:07.000 There's no finish line.

01:11:08.000 If you're sitting around going, I hope I win the Oscar.

01:11:11.000 If you're Tom Cruise is jealous of George Clooney and George Clooney is jealous of Brad Pitt.

01:11:17.000 There's no finish line.

01:11:18.000 There's no finish.

01:11:19.000 I have a big neon, like you have the neon.

01:11:21.000 I have a big neon in my house that just says, enjoy the process.

01:11:25.000 Yeah.

01:11:26.000 That's where I'm at.

01:11:27.000 Yeah.

01:11:27.000 Trust it.

01:11:28.000 Trust the process and enjoy it.

01:11:30.000 And that's the weird thing about when you release a special and then you have nothing.

01:11:35.000 And then, you know, you have to like scour your brain for what you want to talk about.

01:11:40.000 I took like a whole month off of stand-up after my last special.

01:11:44.000 I didn't do any stand-up, maybe more than a month.

01:11:47.000 And I just thought.

01:11:48.000 I said, let me just think.

01:11:50.000 Just like no pressure.

01:11:51.000 Let me just think.

01:11:52.000 Like, what is interesting to me?

01:11:54.000 What do I want to talk about?

01:11:55.000 Instead of just rushing to try to put together a new hour, let me just think for a while.

01:12:00.000 You know, and I'd come to the club every now and then and watch guys do sets, but I didn't do any sets for a while.

01:12:05.000 I'm in that zone right now.

01:12:07.000 It's nice.

01:12:08.000 You know what?

01:12:09.000 Scary.

01:12:09.000 When I first finished the special, it was years of material building with a through line and a story.

01:12:18.000 And then when it was over, I was a little bit lost.

01:12:21.000 Like, I'd go to the comedy seller.

01:12:23.000 I was still in New York.

01:12:24.000 I couldn't let go of some of the, and I was like, I need to stop doing this material.

01:12:29.000 And then I felt like I had no purpose.

01:12:32.000 Like, I didn't want to talk about anything.

01:12:34.000 And I said it to my buddy Kai, and he goes, dude, relax.

01:12:37.000 You're between albums.

01:12:38.000 Like, he put it in a musical sense for me.

01:12:40.000 He's like, you're like a musician between albums.

01:12:43.000 Absorb some new things, see some movies, go on a trip, have some new life experiences.

01:12:48.000 And then I was like, yeah, that's probably a break after doing the same thing, the same kind of hunk for years.

01:12:56.000 Your body, your brain, like think about something else, absorb new things, download new influences.

01:13:03.000 And that's kind of where I'm at.

01:13:05.000 And then, of course, Kevin was like, I'll get roasted.

01:13:07.000 And I was like, all right, I can put stand-up away for another two months and just write that.

01:13:12.000 Yeah.

01:13:13.000 So I go back into roast mode, which gives me, I'm like a dog who needs a job.

01:13:17.000 Yeah.

01:13:18.000 Yeah.

01:13:19.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:13:20.000 It's kind of the same thing as your dog.

01:13:22.000 It really is.

01:13:23.000 It's like you need a task.

01:13:24.000 If you're just doing nothing, like the idea of like, oh, one day I'm going to retire and just relax. 1.00

01:13:29.000 Like, bitch, you'll go crazy. 1.00

01:13:31.000 For see, we're roasting Kevin Hart. 1.00

01:13:33.000 That's what I heard.

01:13:34.000 Are you supposed to say that, though?

01:13:36.000 Are you supposed to talk about it?

01:13:36.000 Yeah.

01:13:37.000 I am.

01:13:38.000 Okay.

01:13:38.000 You're allowed to?

01:13:40.000 My show.

01:13:41.000 Okay, because I was told not to tell people about it.

01:13:44.000 We're doing it.

01:13:45.000 May 10th, baby.

01:13:46.000 Mother's Day live on Netflix.

01:13:48.000 So you're officially announcing it.

01:13:50.000 Okay, I could talk about it now.

01:13:50.000 Yeah.

01:13:51.000 At the forum.

01:13:52.000 Because I was told about it, but I was told I was not supposed to tell anybody.

01:13:55.000 I don't know who told you that.

01:13:56.000 Some people.

01:13:57.000 They said keep it under wraps.

01:13:57.000 No.

01:13:58.000 You like it.

01:13:59.000 Oh, it's already a thing.

01:14:00.000 They announced it this weekend, I think.

01:14:02.000 Oh, hosted by Shane Gillis. 1.00

01:14:04.000 Let's fucking go. 0.99

01:14:06.000 Nice. 0.99

01:14:06.000 That's awesome. 0.99

01:14:08.000 That's awesome. 1.00

01:14:09.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:14:09.000 Right? 1.00

01:14:10.000 Kevin is so pumped up.

01:14:11.000 That's awesome.

01:14:13.000 That's going to be fun.

01:14:14.000 You know, he's.

01:14:14.000 Dude, he's out.

01:14:15.000 These Netflix fucking the Tom Brady one was insane. 0.99

01:14:20.000 That was so good. 1.00

01:14:21.000 That was so good.

01:14:23.000 That kind of like juiced comedy back up again because it was so wild.

01:14:27.000 It was like the jokes were so wild.

01:14:30.000 It was so raw.

01:14:31.000 And we had gone through this like weird period of like people getting canceled for jokes.

01:14:31.000 Yeah.

01:14:36.000 You know, it's like all of a sudden, like, no, that's out.

01:14:39.000 That's gone.

01:14:40.000 No, no, no.

01:14:41.000 I said to him, I've been big game hunting Tom Brady for years.

01:14:45.000 It took a couple years.

01:14:46.000 He retired, unretired, but I kept him on the line.

01:14:50.000 And finally, we were shooting promos.

01:14:53.000 And I was like, why are you doing this?

01:14:55.000 Because I could tell, you know, it was starting to heat up and some heavy hitters were signing on.

01:15:00.000 I go, why are you doing that?

01:15:02.000 It wasn't for the money.

01:15:04.000 And he goes, I want to bring comedy back. 0.99

01:15:06.000 I'm sick of the woke bullshit and canceling. 0.98

01:15:08.000 I want to make comedy fun again. 0.99

01:15:11.000 He understood that.

01:15:12.000 And I caught him.

01:15:13.000 I caught him on a Super Bowl Sunday.

01:15:15.000 He was playing the Super Bowl.

01:15:16.000 And I saw him looking at some jokes on Instagram that I posted.

01:15:21.000 And I'm like, this is where he goes to relax.

01:15:24.000 He goes to the roasts.

01:15:26.000 And I'd heard that.

01:15:27.000 So he won the game.

01:15:29.000 And I was like, I think it's time.

01:15:30.000 And then we reeled him in and he did it.

01:15:34.000 And I will admit that roast was harsher than I expected.

01:15:40.000 Even I expected.

01:15:41.000 Vicious.

01:15:42.000 I mean, it was a bloodbath.

01:15:45.000 And I saw Tom the other day and I said, it's time to take your win.

01:15:49.000 You know, he was like, it was so harsh.

01:15:51.000 It was tough on my family.

01:15:53.000 I go, I get all that, but you wanted to do it to bring comedy back.

01:15:58.000 You did that.

01:15:59.000 1.6 billion viewing minutes, Emmy-nominated against the Oscars and the Grant, like the Super Bowl half-life.

01:16:06.000 It was the most watched thing in the history of Netflix.

01:16:10.000 You know how nuts that is?

01:16:11.000 Think about how many things are on Netflix.

01:16:13.000 That roast was the most watched thing in the history of Netflix.

01:16:17.000 And it was because it was so funny.

01:16:20.000 It wasn't just because it was Tom Brady, which of course made a lot, but it wasn't just because all these great comics were on it, which of course meant a lot.

01:16:28.000 It was so good.

01:16:29.000 It was so good that people were telling people about it.

01:16:32.000 Yeah.

01:16:33.000 And it's like a great Super Bowl.

01:16:36.000 It's going to be around forever.

01:16:37.000 Yes.

01:16:38.000 Netflix leaves it up.

01:16:39.000 Oh, like the Charlie Sheen roast.

01:16:40.000 We were talking about Patrice.

01:16:41.000 Yeah, they're always going to be there.

01:16:42.000 It's going to be there forever.

01:16:43.000 I do think, all respect to Tom, I do think this one with Kevin and Shane Gillis is going to top it.

01:16:49.000 Really?

01:16:50.000 I think it's not quite a sequel, but it's its own thing.

01:16:54.000 It's going to be the greatest roast of all time.

01:16:57.000 Netflix is the place for roast now because as great as Comedy Central was, you had restrictions on language and content.

01:17:04.000 Right.

01:17:05.000 And it was editing.

01:17:06.000 Editing.

01:17:06.000 Yes.

01:17:07.000 This is a and commercials.

01:17:08.000 Right.

01:17:09.000 Yeah.

01:17:09.000 Right.

01:17:10.000 This is buck wild.

01:17:11.000 Buck wild. 1.00

01:17:12.000 Netflix is fucking amazing. 0.99

01:17:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:17:14.000 I mean, what an insane platform that you have.

01:17:18.000 You could never get bored.

01:17:19.000 If you're bored in this life, like you're bored, you don't have anything to watch. 0.92

01:17:23.000 Like, are you crazy? 0.87

01:17:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:17:25.000 There's so much shit to watch. 1.00

01:17:26.000 Only boring people are bored, right? 1.00

01:17:27.000 Yeah.

01:17:29.000 Or people are uninformed.

01:17:30.000 But I mean, even in this day and age, you could just, you know, do an internet search.

01:17:36.000 Like, what's the best roasts on Netflix?

01:17:38.000 Right.

01:17:38.000 What are the best dramas on Netflix?

01:17:40.000 What are the best shows on Netflix?

01:17:41.000 There's always something.

01:17:43.000 That's exciting, though.

01:17:44.000 It's going to be a big one.

01:17:46.000 Mother's Day.

01:17:46.000 Yeah.

01:17:47.000 Motherfucker's Day. 0.97

01:17:48.000 Kevin Hart, there's a guy like, I don't understand how he has the time to do all the things he does. 0.98

01:17:53.000 I do not understand it.

01:17:55.000 I'm a pretty busy person, and I look at people like him, and I feel lazy.

01:17:59.000 I'm like, how are you doing this?

01:18:00.000 How do you have time to sleep?

01:18:02.000 Right.

01:18:03.000 And I saw him out with his wife having drinks two nights last weekend.

01:18:06.000 He must sleep like four hours a night.

01:18:08.000 I don't know how he does it.

01:18:10.000 Some people just built different.

01:18:11.000 Yeah.

01:18:12.000 I mean, well, it's growing up poor and realizing that like once this is happening for you, like keep your foot on the gas.

01:18:19.000 And that guy keeps his foot on the gas better than anybody. 0.99

01:18:22.000 And he's ambitious as fuck. 1.00

01:18:22.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:18:24.000 He's always got like some tequila brand and releasing this.

01:18:27.000 He had a vegan restaurant chain for a while.

01:18:31.000 I would have talked him out of that. 0.99

01:18:32.000 What the fuck are you doing with that? 0.99

01:18:35.000 Well, you know, he likes to branch out and be a businessman. 0.99

01:18:38.000 Yeah.

01:18:40.000 I don't understand the time.

01:18:41.000 And then in the meantime, he's doing arenas at the same time.

01:18:44.000 And killing.

01:18:45.000 I don't get it.

01:18:45.000 Yeah.

01:18:48.000 The roast for him is back to his roots.

01:18:51.000 That's what I love about it. 1.00

01:18:52.000 It's like the Philly thing, talking shit. 0.99

01:18:56.000 Shane's from Philly, so there'll be a big Philly angle. 0.99

01:19:00.000 You know, and we got some of his oldest buddies coming on.

01:19:03.000 It's going to be pretty massive, I think.

01:19:05.000 That's nice.

01:19:06.000 Well, you've carved out an interesting path for yourself as the roastmaster.

01:19:06.000 Yeah.

01:19:10.000 Yeah.

01:19:11.000 You know, like you're, it's like an old school skill, you know, that used to be a big part of comedy, you know, the Friars Club roasts.

01:19:19.000 Yeah.

01:19:20.000 I miss those Friars Club roasts when they were just like, you know, sometimes they weren't even on TV yet when I was doing them.

01:19:27.000 I just bought a Leroy Nieman painting from they had an auction of Old Friars memorabilia, and Leroy Nieman painted Henny Youngman surrounded, and he painted his punchlines like around his one-liners around Henny holding his violin.

01:19:42.000 And he used to sit in the dining room at the New York Friars and Henny in his wheelchair would sit under that painting.

01:19:48.000 And for some reason, it's all up for auction.

01:19:50.000 So, of course, I had to grab it.

01:19:51.000 Oh, that's awesome.

01:19:52.000 That's so cool that you got it.

01:19:54.000 That's amazing.

01:19:54.000 Yeah.

01:19:56.000 I miss some of those guys.

01:19:57.000 Think about Buddy Hackett.

01:19:58.000 I almost wore a Buddy Hackett t-shirt today.

01:20:01.000 I loved Buddy Hackett.

01:20:02.000 He has a Buddy Hackett t-shirt?

01:20:04.000 Somebody made me a Buddy Hackett t-shirt and gave it to me.

01:20:07.000 Yeah, those guys are from a different time, you know?

01:20:09.000 Different time.

01:20:10.000 No television, no nothing, doing the cat skills.

01:20:13.000 Right.

01:20:14.000 Different world.

01:20:15.000 They would do each other's acts.

01:20:17.000 They would do whatever got a laugh.

01:20:19.000 Yeah.

01:20:20.000 They were assassins on the road.

01:20:22.000 It was a totally different life.

01:20:25.000 And then if you had a name, like you had a name back then, like if you were a famous comedian back then, that was the rarest of rare things.

01:20:32.000 Yeah.

01:20:33.000 How many of them were there?

01:20:34.000 There was like 10.

01:20:35.000 You know?

01:20:35.000 Right.

01:20:36.000 Shecky, Buddy, Nipsey.

01:20:38.000 Few of those guys.

01:20:39.000 A few of those guys.

01:20:40.000 There are not many left.

01:20:42.000 They're really all gone now.

01:20:42.000 No.

01:20:44.000 Yeah.

01:20:45.000 So what happens?

01:20:46.000 That's going to happen to us, buddy.

01:20:48.000 That's what I hear.

01:20:49.000 Better than the alternative.

01:20:51.000 What, stay around forever?

01:20:52.000 No.

01:20:54.000 You either keep going or you saw the picture, Gilbert, Norm, Bob.

01:20:59.000 The alternative is death.

01:21:01.000 So when I go, I don't want to get old.

01:21:02.000 I go, yeah, you want to get old.

01:21:05.000 Yeah.

01:21:06.000 As long as you keep your body moving, you just don't want to be an old, like, completely incapacitated person. 0.53

01:21:15.000 Like, that's.

01:21:16.000 Especially if it's avoidable.

01:21:18.000 Right.

01:21:18.000 You know what I mean?

01:21:19.000 I went through it all year.

01:21:20.000 I went in for a root.

01:21:22.000 Three weeks after that Brady roast, I had a, went in for a colonoscopy.

01:21:25.000 My buddy Jordan had been texting our text chain.

01:21:29.000 Everyone's got to get, he's like kind of a hypochondriac, so I kind of ignored it.

01:21:34.000 I was like, yeah, I was too busy.

01:21:36.000 I was on the road.

01:21:37.000 And then finally I went in for a routine colonoscopy and I waited too long and they found a tumor in my colon.

01:21:46.000 And immediately that an hour, two hours later, was on the phone with a surgeon.

01:21:52.000 And stage three.

01:21:55.000 And found a specialist, took care of it right away, but never felt doomed.

01:22:01.000 Have you changed your diet after that?

01:22:03.000 Yeah, I don't.

01:22:04.000 I'm eating a lot less red meat.

01:22:06.000 Red meat?

01:22:06.000 Now when I eat red meat, it's like going to be the best red meat.

01:22:10.000 Why is it red meat?

01:22:11.000 I don't know.

01:22:12.000 I mean, for me, growing up in a catering hall in New Jersey around pastrami and prime rib, and he said that that was a big cause of calling it cancer.

01:22:22.000 Really?

01:22:23.000 And processed foods.

01:22:23.000 Yeah.

01:22:24.000 Processed foods make sense.

01:22:26.000 Yeah.

01:22:26.000 That makes sense.

01:22:27.000 So I'm eating a lot less of that.

01:22:28.000 Yeah.

01:22:29.000 I moved over to turkey and chicken and a little bit of fish.

01:22:32.000 And cut out the processed stuff?

01:22:34.000 As much as I can.

01:22:35.000 What about alcohol?

01:22:36.000 Did you cut that out?

01:22:37.000 I've never been a big drinker.

01:22:38.000 That's good.

01:22:39.000 Yeah.

01:22:40.000 Yeah.

01:22:40.000 Yeah, it's a little wake-up call.

01:22:42.000 I mean, you have a health scare.

01:22:44.000 It's a little wake-up call.

01:22:45.000 Time to take care of yourself.

01:22:46.000 I just had the, you know, I talk about this in my show.

01:22:49.000 Like, I had my chemo poured in on Broadway on the show, and I was like still kind of in it.

01:22:56.000 It's like I was having a human experience on stage.

01:23:01.000 And just two weeks ago, I had the port, the chemo port taken out.

01:23:05.000 My sister came down to celebrate and hang with me. 0.59

01:23:08.000 And it's like a war prize.

01:23:11.000 Like I hold the port where they put the chemo.

01:23:13.000 Like I have it on my desk now.

01:23:16.000 And let's just say they put a lot more in people than they take out.

01:23:20.000 So I feel very lucky.

01:23:22.000 I survived it all. 0.99

01:23:23.000 Damn, I'm glad you're alive. 1.00

01:23:25.000 Die with those fucking ports in them. 1.00

01:23:27.000 They do. 1.00

01:23:28.000 Well, they die with cancer, that's for damn sure. 0.90

01:23:30.000 Colon cancer is a very common one. 0.88

01:23:32.000 This guy, James Vanderbeek, younger than me.

01:23:35.000 I know.

01:23:35.000 I met him.

01:23:36.000 He was a nice fucking guy, man. 0.99

01:23:38.000 He came to the club, hung out with his wife in the green room. 0.99

01:23:41.000 Sweetest guy.

01:23:42.000 Just such a nice guy.

01:23:43.000 And apparently, he was struggling back then.

01:23:46.000 I didn't know.

01:23:47.000 He looked real thin, you know.

01:23:49.000 So when you asked me right when you walked in, how are you doing?

01:23:52.000 I was like, great.

01:23:54.000 You know, like it was a pointed question, and you asked politely and innocently.

01:23:59.000 And I was like, Yeah, I didn't know that you had gone through that.

01:24:02.000 Yeah.

01:24:03.000 Yeah.

01:24:03.000 God, I haven't seen you in when.

01:24:06.000 When was the last time I saw you?

01:24:07.000 I saw you in DC.

01:24:08.000 I saw you in New York for Kill Tony.

01:24:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:24:12.000 Briefly.

01:24:13.000 We didn't like sit down and we had a drink.

01:24:15.000 Was it your birthday in New York when you were doing Kill Tony?

01:24:20.000 Or was it here?

01:24:21.000 I think it was.

01:24:21.000 One of the books.

01:24:22.000 It was August.

01:24:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:24:24.000 I remember that.

01:24:25.000 But then I saw you in D.C. where you were with your family.

01:24:27.000 It was quick.

01:24:28.000 But I see, I feel like I see you because I pop into the mothership, but I always pop in on the weekends when you're off.

01:24:37.000 Yeah.

01:24:38.000 But yeah, it was a crazy thing, man.

01:24:40.000 I've never been sick a day in my life.

01:24:42.000 I've always had that like, my grandfather used to call it whirlbeater energy.

01:24:46.000 Like, I always felt invincible, never thought for a second it would be me.

01:24:51.000 And then I did wait too long to get a colonoscopy.

01:24:51.000 Yeah.

01:24:54.000 And they're not a big deal. 0.99

01:24:55.000 Like, guys are afraid of colonoscopies because something's up your butt. 0.98

01:24:59.000 Yeah, but in the end, it really isn't up your butt. 0.98

01:25:02.000 It's a doctor checking you out. 0.97

01:25:05.000 You're altogether cool when you wake up. 0.99

01:25:07.000 They go up your butt, bro. 0.99

01:25:10.000 And get the endoscopy, especially for smokers and stuff like that. 0.97

01:25:14.000 And like for what for what is essentially like a one-day inconvenience, they can really save your life.

01:25:22.000 It did save my life.

01:25:24.000 Well, I'm glad you cleaned up your diet.

01:25:25.000 Yeah.

01:25:26.000 You know, you got to do that because I know that you are.

01:25:28.000 I mean, I've run you at Cat's Deli before, too.

01:25:31.000 That's another thing I needed to talk to you about.

01:25:33.000 What?

01:25:34.000 I forgot all about this till you brought it up.

01:25:37.000 Do you remember running into me at Cat's Deli with Tony?

01:25:40.000 And I guess you must have been in town doing stand-up or something.

01:25:45.000 This like already 10 years ago.

01:25:47.000 I don't think it was that long ago, was it?

01:25:49.000 It was, and I'll tell you how I know.

01:25:52.000 One of the things when I got booked on this appearance, I said, I make a mental note.

01:25:59.000 I owe Rogan an apology.

01:26:01.000 And it's not a big deal, but it always kind of bugged me.

01:26:08.000 I came in to say hi, and I was self-conscious because I had something wrong with me, and I didn't know what it was.

01:26:18.000 And you said, what's with your eyebrows?

01:26:21.000 And I kind of shoulder shrugged, and you were like, is it for a roll?

01:26:26.000 And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:26:29.000 Oh.

01:26:30.000 Do you have any recollection?

01:26:31.000 I do.

01:26:32.000 And I lied.

01:26:33.000 Yeah.

01:26:33.000 Because I was in.

01:26:34.000 You said I shaved him off for a roll.

01:26:36.000 I was like, oh, that's crazy.

01:26:37.000 What are you playing?

01:26:39.000 I was embarrassed because I had alopecia.

01:26:43.000 Didn't really understand what was happening to me yet.

01:26:46.000 And you saw the picture.

01:26:47.000 I had a big fro, big bushy eyebrows.

01:26:50.000 Like, I was like the Propecia man of the year.

01:26:58.000 And I don't know what causes it.

01:27:00.000 It's an autoimmune thing.

01:27:02.000 It's not life-threatening.

01:27:06.000 But suddenly I looked completely different.

01:27:09.000 My fame, like if anyone ever recognized me, walk into a restaurant, you know, get a good table, skip the lot.

01:27:16.000 It was all gone.

01:27:17.000 Just suddenly within a few weeks, I was, I remember being at Zaney's in Nashville and just scratching my head and like a big clump of hair came out.

01:27:27.000 And I was on a plane and I was like, there's no hair on my leg. 0.98

01:27:29.000 What the fuck's going on? 0.94

01:27:31.000 And then within a month, me and Adam, Egat, and Tony went to the barbershop on Melrose. 0.99

01:27:39.000 They came with me because I was kind of like shaken up.

01:27:42.000 Like, what is happening to me?

01:27:44.000 Am I dying?

01:27:44.000 So it happened really quickly.

01:27:46.000 It happens all within a few weeks.

01:27:48.000 All your hair fell off within a few weeks.

01:27:50.000 And then when I thought it was done, eyebrows started going.

01:27:56.000 And then eyelashes.

01:27:57.000 So sweat, salt. 1.00

01:28:00.000 I was like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:28:02.000 I don't even recognize myself. 0.98

01:28:05.000 And is there anything they do that reverses that?

01:28:08.000 There's some medications.

01:28:10.000 Dr. Drew actually hooked me up with a research doctor, Brett King.

01:28:16.000 He was at Yale at the time in Connecticut.

01:28:18.000 And I did have some restoration of eyelashes and eyebrows.

01:28:24.000 But the side effects were a little bit scary and they lower your immune system a little bit.

01:28:34.000 So I did that for years. 1.00

01:28:37.000 And then when I got cancer, I was like, fuck those meds. 1.00

01:28:40.000 I can't do it anymore. 1.00

01:28:42.000 And the chemo eyebrows, eyelash is gone again.

01:28:45.000 Wow.

01:28:46.000 And now I'm literally like hairless.

01:28:49.000 Like I have no hair.

01:28:52.000 And you learn to live with it.

01:28:55.000 You know, you got to channel your inner rock star.

01:28:57.000 Listen, there's worse things that can happen.

01:28:59.000 Believe me.

01:28:59.000 Yeah, I get it.

01:29:00.000 You know.

01:29:01.000 Right.

01:29:01.000 More than anybody.

01:29:03.000 But it always dinged me because you and I have been friends a long time.

01:29:08.000 We have an honest friendship, comics, brutal honesty, truth.

01:29:15.000 And I looked you right in the eyes and I was like, yeah, I went with it.

01:29:19.000 I found out slightly after that that you had alopecia from other people because someone else brought it up and someone said, oh, he's got alopecia.

01:29:27.000 I was like, oh, I asked him at Cat's Deli and he said he shaved his eyebrows off for a while.

01:29:32.000 But I just felt like you're probably embarrassed.

01:29:34.000 And I totally understood, which is weird.

01:29:37.000 They say a lot of these autoimmune issues come from inflammation and a lot of inflammation comes from what you eat.

01:29:44.000 Right.

01:29:45.000 The doctor would tell me that wasn't true.

01:29:47.000 Yeah, doctors aren't always right.

01:29:49.000 And one of the things they're not always right about is nutrition and the impact that nutrition has, particularly on autoimmune issues.

01:29:56.000 Very few doctors have any knowledge or any education in nutrition and the impact it has.

01:30:01.000 I mean, your entire body is built out of and reconstructed from what you consume.

01:30:07.000 It's the only thing that your body has.

01:30:09.000 In order to, your body makes new cells, your body replenishes cells, recreates all the tissue.

01:30:15.000 There's only one way to do it.

01:30:16.000 It's got to be what you eat.

01:30:18.000 It's the only thing, what you drink, what you eat.

01:30:20.000 That's it. 0.96

01:30:21.000 And if you're eating a bunch of processed stuff that has a bunch of bullshit and preservatives and dealing with inflammation, a lot of things. 0.93

01:30:29.000 Allergies cause inflammation. 0.96

01:30:31.000 Processed food cause inflammation.

01:30:33.000 Excess sugar causes inflammation.

01:30:35.000 Alcohol.

01:30:36.000 There's a lot of things that people eat that cause inflammation.

01:30:39.000 But it's really genuinely a thing of a balance of your diet and what your body has to work with.

01:30:49.000 If your body doesn't have any nutrients to work with, no vitamins, no minerals, you're dehydrated, you're drinking too much sugar, things start malfunctioning and misfiring.

01:31:01.000 And then, you know, there's a bunch of different consequences for having a high inflammation diet.

01:31:08.000 And for a lot of people, it's sugar. 0.83

01:31:11.000 Sugar is one of the leading causes of inflammation, especially in the standard American diet, because the standard American diet is just riddled with excess sugar, corn syrup, and bullshit and preservatives. 0.52

01:31:23.000 And your body, just after a while, just gets tired of processing that stuff.

01:31:28.000 And then you start encountering a bunch of issues.

01:31:31.000 And I know there's a lot of autoimmune issues that people have had success in reversing by completely cutting out everything other than whole foods.

01:31:41.000 Just eating chicken and meat and vegetables and drinking water, and that's it. 0.98

01:31:47.000 Cutting out all the bullshit. 0.98

01:31:49.000 Yeah, I got to do better. 1.00

01:31:51.000 Have you ever gotten blood work done?

01:31:52.000 Oh, well, now I have to do it all the time.

01:31:54.000 Do you ever get blood work done from like a comprehensive laboratory that's looking at your nutrient levels and all those different things?

01:31:54.000 Do you?

01:32:00.000 I don't know if I've done that.

01:32:01.000 We should do that.

01:32:02.000 There's a place in town, Waste To Well.

01:32:04.000 I'll send you there.

01:32:05.000 Yeah, they're really good.

01:32:05.000 Yeah.

01:32:07.000 I mean, they do.

01:32:08.000 They take a shitload of blood and they do these really comprehensive blood panels.

01:32:11.000 They can scan for cancer too, by the way.

01:32:13.000 Well, that I've done.

01:32:14.000 Yeah, that's a big one.

01:32:15.000 You know, because they can check for any kind of cancer in your body.

01:32:19.000 Well, now that I'm through all that, I'm much more open to taking care of myself and staying on it.

01:32:25.000 And the first time I did that one, the first time I did that one, I was like, cancer's a scary one.

01:32:30.000 And I was like, boy, I hope I don't have cancer and I don't know about it.

01:32:32.000 When it came out zero, I was like, but I do so much to take care of myself.

01:32:38.000 I use sauna every day, cold plunge.

01:32:41.000 I take a ton of vitamins.

01:32:42.000 I'm always exercising.

01:32:44.000 I eat probably like 99% clean. 1.00

01:32:47.000 Every now and then I'll fuck off. 1.00

01:32:49.000 Or if my daughter makes cookies, I'll eat cookies. 1.00

01:32:51.000 But for the most part, I give my body.

01:32:54.000 She's really good.

01:32:55.000 She bakes a bunch of different stuff.

01:32:56.000 Today was white chocolate chip cookies.

01:32:58.000 They're really good.

01:32:59.000 I had one this morning.

01:33:01.000 But for the most part, it's your body can only use what you put in it.

01:33:07.000 There's no other building blocks.

01:33:09.000 It doesn't have anything else.

01:33:10.000 There's nothing else it can draw from.

01:33:12.000 And that's one of the problems is when you don't give your body what it needs, it starts taking things out of the tissue.

01:33:18.000 It starts taking things.

01:33:19.000 That's where osteoporosis comes from.

01:33:20.000 Your body starts literally taking calcium out of your bones.

01:33:24.000 You know, you got to give your body the building blocks. 0.97

01:33:27.000 Without that, it doesn't know what the fuck to do. 0.96

01:33:29.000 And slowly but surely, you start to deteriorate.

01:33:32.000 You know, and there's a giant difference between giving your body a nutrient-dense, healthy diet and not.

01:33:39.000 You know, and taking care of yourself and exercising and not.

01:33:42.000 And drinking much water and electrolytes and not.

01:33:45.000 There's a giant difference.

01:33:46.000 And it's all your body just cannot recreate itself correctly.

01:33:50.000 It cannot build itself and repair itself correctly unless it gets the proper nutrients.

01:33:57.000 That's where a lot of people's issues come from.

01:33:59.000 And doctors don't tell you that.

01:34:01.000 Like I had a family member that got real sick and the doctor said they got cancer.

01:34:06.000 And the doctor said, it doesn't matter what you eat. 1.00

01:34:07.000 I go, well, fuck that doctor. 1.00

01:34:09.000 That's not true. 1.00

01:34:10.000 I don't know.

01:34:11.000 This doctor's telling you you could eat cake and just take chemo and you'll be fine. 0.99

01:34:14.000 That's horseshit. 0.99

01:34:15.000 That's not true. 0.98

01:34:16.000 That's not true.

01:34:17.000 Because they should, one of the things they should tell you immediately is get on a ketogenic diet.

01:34:21.000 Because one of the things that has been proven is that cancer uses glucose to survive.

01:34:26.000 And, you know, autophagy, which comes from fasting, is one of the best ways that people can get rid of errant cells and cells that are, you know, misfiring.

01:34:37.000 Make your body burn off fat, use ketones for energy and just get rid of all the dead cells. 0.99

01:34:44.000 Give her all the shit that your body doesn't need. 0.97

01:34:47.000 And if you don't even want to do that, do intermittent fasting, you know, where you only have a period of time where you eat. 1.00

01:34:54.000 Like give yourself like a 16-hour window with no food and then start eating after that.

01:34:59.000 But how do you keep your how do you not be cranky and because your body's relying on carbohydrates, right?

01:35:08.000 So when your body is not relying on carbohydrates and your body's burning off ketones, you don't have that problem.

01:35:13.000 You don't have that crashing problem.

01:35:15.000 The crashing problem is from a high carbohydrate diet.

01:35:18.000 And I've had that before.

01:35:19.000 Look, I'm Italian, so carbohydrates was my thing.

01:35:23.000 You know, it was all about pasta and pizza.

01:35:25.000 I love that stuff.

01:35:26.000 I just love it.

01:35:27.000 And that's my cheat food. 1.00

01:35:29.000 If I'm going to cheat, I'm going to eat Italian subs and that kind of shit. 0.98

01:35:32.000 But when your body gets accustomed to that, first of all, you get a big insulin spike. 0.99

01:35:37.000 You crash.

01:35:37.000 You get exhausted.

01:35:39.000 The way to avoid that is to get your body to start using fats.

01:35:44.000 And the way your body uses fats is that's what you give it for fuel and your body adjusts.

01:35:49.000 And then your body does something called gluconeogenesis, where it starts using meat and protein and turning that into glucose.

01:35:56.000 And when you go through this process, it's a shaky process at first.

01:36:00.000 Like you get what they call the keto flu originally, initially rather, where you get tired all the time.

01:36:07.000 You're like, oh, this is exhausting.

01:36:08.000 And your workouts suffer.

01:36:09.000 It's like you have no energy.

01:36:11.000 But eventually, your body adapts and your body just gets accustomed to using fats.

01:36:17.000 And when your body gets fat adapted, first of all, your brain works better.

01:36:21.000 You get an extra gear in terms of like your ability to think and communicate.

01:36:25.000 And it just feels like you have more energy.

01:36:27.000 You don't need naps and you don't crash after you eat.

01:36:31.000 That's why when you're saying like you shouldn't eat red meat, I eat mostly red meat.

01:36:35.000 That's like most of my diet.

01:36:36.000 That's like 80% of my diet.

01:36:39.000 I mean, it's an addiction for me.

01:36:40.000 I don't think it's an addiction.

01:36:41.000 I think it's the most nutrient.

01:36:43.000 I think it's the most nutrient-dense food in the world.

01:36:46.000 The problem is processed red meat, right? 0.99

01:36:48.000 So if you're eating a bunch of processed shit that has a bunch of preservatives in it, yeah, that's not good for you. 0.99

01:36:53.000 But like a ribeye steak, a grilled ribeye steak, there is nothing wrong with that. 0.99

01:36:57.000 It's one of the most healthy foods you can eat.

01:37:00.000 And it has everything you need.

01:37:01.000 It has plenty of vitamins.

01:37:02.000 It has fat.

01:37:03.000 It has all the things that your body naturally knows how to process.

01:37:08.000 And people have been eating that food from the beginning of time.

01:37:14.000 Yeah, you just got to get educated in it.

01:37:15.000 And it's like most people, especially particularly most doctors, I've had conversations with doctors where they've said, you get everything you need from a balanced diet. 1.00

01:37:24.000 And I'm like, fuck you. 1.00

01:37:26.000 You don't know anything. 1.00

01:37:27.000 Like, how much time did you spend in medical school learning nutrition?

01:37:31.000 Was it even an hour?

01:37:32.000 Was it a day?

01:37:34.000 Like, it takes a long time.

01:37:36.000 And there's real researchers who have spent decades understanding the balance of nutrient-dense foods and vitamin supplementation and what vitamin supplementation can cure and fix and what it's good for and how to balance it out and what vitamins work synergistically with other vitamins.

01:37:54.000 Like if you're taking vitamin D3, which is fantastic for your immune system, you have to take it with K2.

01:37:59.000 You should take it with magnesium as well.

01:38:01.000 You got to know these things.

01:38:03.000 And most doctors, they just, they talk out of a, they talk out of a voice of authority about something they're not educated in.

01:38:10.000 They're educated in getting people in and out of their office as quick as possible and getting that insurance money.

01:38:16.000 And that's what they do.

01:38:17.000 And most of them, they talk like they're authorities.

01:38:19.000 Meanwhile, they have a gut. 0.99

01:38:20.000 You're sitting there looking at this guy who looks like shit and he's telling you about health. 1.00

01:38:23.000 Like, bro, you're not healthy. 1.00

01:38:25.000 Don't talk to me about health.

01:38:27.000 This is angry.

01:38:28.000 It makes me angry.

01:38:29.000 It really does.

01:38:30.000 I get it.

01:38:31.000 It's infuriating because it's like these people, you count on them as authorities.

01:38:34.000 And really, they're just paying off their student debt. 1.00

01:38:38.000 They're paying off their fucking loans. 1.00

01:38:40.000 They have insane malpractice insurance they have to cover. 1.00

01:38:43.000 They have a giant monthly nut, and they're trying to push pharmaceutical drugs on you as much as they can because they get compensated for that.

01:38:49.000 And that's what they do.

01:38:50.000 And this is the standard American health system.

01:38:52.000 It's a real problem.

01:38:54.000 It's a real problem, and it leaves us sicker.

01:38:56.000 You know, this is the thing that RFK Jr. is trying to balance.

01:38:59.000 Like, we spend more money on health care than anyone in the world.

01:39:03.000 We make more money than anyone in the world, and we're sicker than anyone in the world.

01:39:07.000 We spend more money than we ever have on healthcare.

01:39:10.000 We're sicker than we've ever been.

01:39:12.000 We're living the life.

01:39:13.000 We're eating well.

01:39:15.000 That's not it. 1.00

01:39:16.000 We're eating shit. 0.99

01:39:17.000 You know, if we're just eating healthy, the people that are just eating healthy have way less problems, way less health consequences, way less issues, way more energy, way more mental acuity. 1.00

01:39:29.000 All those things.

01:39:29.000 Because that's how your body's supposed to live.

01:39:32.000 For thousands and thousands of years, what did we do?

01:39:35.000 We ate fruit, we ate vegetables, we ate meat and chicken and fish and eggs.

01:39:39.000 And that's what you're supposed to eat.

01:39:41.000 That's real food.

01:39:42.000 Most of these things that sit on a shelf, you're not supposed to eat those.

01:39:46.000 Just like your dog.

01:39:47.000 Like your dog's not supposed to be eating kibble.

01:39:49.000 You know, feed your dog raw food, your dog's going to go bonkers.

01:39:53.000 Feed your dog human-grade food, like farmer's dog, your dog will go crazy.

01:39:57.000 Watch how she eats it.

01:39:59.000 Watch the difference in the way.

01:40:01.000 My dog can't wait.

01:40:02.000 He's dripping, water's dripping off of his mouth before I feed him.

01:40:06.000 He's like sitting there waiting, like, stay.

01:40:09.000 And I'm putting it in the bowl.

01:40:10.000 Okay.

01:40:11.000 He like attacks it.

01:40:14.000 Like, Jamie, you were saying that about your dog, right?

01:40:16.000 Like, let Carl, like, when he was eating kibble, he wasn't even interested.

01:40:20.000 Yeah, I don't even have a, excuse me, never had a chance to even give it to him.

01:40:23.000 He never ate it.

01:40:26.000 You just sit there and I'm like, well, what do you, how do you, you're at, how do you, who's been feeding you?

01:40:31.000 What have they been eating?

01:40:31.000 Like, how did they get in your body?

01:40:33.000 But I always give our dog all the time.

01:40:35.000 But I give her like turkey. 0.94

01:40:36.000 You know, I'm putting it.

01:40:37.000 Sometimes if I have turkey or chicken around, I'll put it in her bowl.

01:40:41.000 I always give her, you know, like a cat's deli.

01:40:43.000 When you order the sandwich, they give you a little piece before.

01:40:46.000 I always give her a little piece to get her salivated. 1.00

01:40:49.000 And she snaps it.

01:40:50.000 Oh, yeah.

01:40:51.000 Yeah, because it's real food.

01:40:53.000 That's what people are supposed to be eating too, man.

01:40:55.000 We're supposed to be eating real food.

01:40:57.000 You know?

01:40:58.000 We got tricked because things have to stay in the supermarket.

01:41:01.000 You got to be able to sit it on the shelf and it's got to be able to stay there for a few months.

01:41:05.000 That's how you make your profit.

01:41:06.000 That's why milk is homogenized and pasteurized.

01:41:09.000 I'll try to scare you off raw milk. 0.99

01:41:10.000 Bitch, I drink raw milk every week. 1.00

01:41:12.000 There's nothing wrong with raw milk. 1.00

01:41:14.000 You just can't get it from a shitty farm. 0.97

01:41:16.000 Just like you can't get meat that's rotten. 0.99

01:41:18.000 Just like you can't get sushi that's rotten.

01:41:20.000 I eat ice cream every day.

01:41:21.000 How bad is that for me?

01:41:23.000 Ice cream is actually not that bad.

01:41:26.000 Ice cream, when you think about bad things to eat, ice cream is probably one of the best desserts to eat because ice cream has fats from the cream.

01:41:37.000 It has protein from the milk, and it does have sugar.

01:41:42.000 So you got a little bit of sugar, but you're absorbing that sugar along with all the fat and all the cream.

01:41:49.000 And it probably is way better for you.

01:41:51.000 It's way better for you than sugar, like drinking like a soda.

01:41:55.000 Like a soda is the most alien form of sugar your body absorbs. 0.99

01:42:02.000 Your body doesn't know what the fuck this is. 0.99

01:42:04.000 Because sugar in nature comes from like an orange. 0.99

01:42:07.000 It has all this fiber, you know, and you're eating it and it's a slow digestive process.

01:42:13.000 That's why you don't get this crazy spike. 0.99

01:42:16.000 But orange juice is fucking nuts. 0.97

01:42:18.000 Like you take all the fiber out and now you just have just pure sugar water and you think you're being healthy. 0.99

01:42:24.000 Well, you're not.

01:42:25.000 Okay, look, you get a little bit of vitamins from the vitamin C that's from the oranges, but you're not supposed to eat it that way.

01:42:31.000 You're supposed to eat an orange, like apple juice.

01:42:35.000 Like my daughter's like very conscious of like food and like what's in it.

01:42:35.000 Right.

01:42:38.000 And she, she put, we went to a supermarket and she was going to get an apple juice.

01:42:42.000 She's like, this has 30 grams of sugar. 0.93

01:42:46.000 This little thing had 30 grams of sugar. 0.95

01:42:48.000 Like, that's crazy.

01:42:49.000 That's just, you're just, you might as well have a Coca-Cola.

01:42:52.000 Right.

01:42:52.000 It's kind of the same thing.

01:42:54.000 Yeah.

01:42:55.000 Your body, like, I think there's a, there was some paper that was written recently about ice cream actually being good for you.

01:43:03.000 And by far, the best of desserts that you can eat.

01:43:07.000 Because it's milk and cream.

01:43:10.000 You know, it's like there's actual food in ice cream.

01:43:14.000 I crave it every night.

01:43:15.000 Ice cream, not that bad.

01:43:16.000 Can ice cream be healthy?

01:43:16.000 Look at this.

01:43:18.000 What recent studies actually show.

01:43:19.000 Recent research has sparked debate about ice cream's place in a balanced diet.

01:43:23.000 By examining long-term health studies, scientists are exploring whether moderate consumption may have unexpected links to certain health outcomes.

01:43:32.000 So ice cream has long been regarded as classic indulgence rather than a healthy food.

01:43:37.000 The discussion largely emerged.

01:43:39.000 Okay.

01:43:40.000 However, in recent times, some surprising research has sparked a debate among nutrition scientists by saying that consumption of ice cream may be related to certain unpredictable health outcomes.

01:43:49.000 The discussion largely emerged from data analyzed in long-running research projects such as Nurses' Health Study and Health Professional Follow-Up Study, two major epidemiological studies that track diet and health outcomes over decades.

01:44:02.000 Research examined dietary patterns among participants with type 2 diabetes.

01:44:06.000 Notice unusual patterns related to ice cream consumption.

01:44:09.000 Discussion earned, okay, what is the discussion?

01:44:15.000 Consuming ice cream more regularly sometimes appears to have lower risks of certain health conditions, especially cardiovascular disease amongst individuals of type 2 diabetes.

01:44:25.000 The problem is with epidemiological studies, you're just basically like filling out a form as to what you ate, and they track that with like large study groups of people and they try to figure out, okay, that's one of the ways they find out like, oh, the people that eat red meat more are sicker.

01:44:41.000 But that's also like, what are you eating?

01:44:43.000 Right.

01:44:43.000 You eating burgers that you call red meat with sugar with a Coca-Cola and some fries?

01:44:49.000 Because that's what a lot of people are eating.

01:44:49.000 Right.

01:44:51.000 Right.

01:44:51.000 So it's not like grass-fed steak with a salad.

01:44:55.000 You know, that's not the problem.

01:44:57.000 Remember Craig who came in here?

01:44:59.000 Craig from Craig's.

01:45:00.000 He told me to say hi.

01:45:01.000 I love Craig.

01:45:01.000 You said steak and I thought about steak.

01:45:03.000 Oh, he makes a great steak.

01:45:04.000 That was my joke when I got colon cancer.

01:45:06.000 I told Craig, you're going to go out of business if I'm not eating your steak.

01:45:10.000 I don't think you have to stop eating steak.

01:45:12.000 I mean, I'm no doctor, but I don't think steak's the problem. 0.99

01:45:15.000 I think all the other shit's the problem. 1.00

01:45:17.000 I think it's preservatives and bullshit and processed food. 1.00

01:45:21.000 It's just not good for you, man. 0.99

01:45:23.000 None of it's good for you.

01:45:24.000 If you can sit on a shelf like that, has all these preservatives, that stuff wrecks havoc on your gut bacteria.

01:45:30.000 When you're consuming things that are filled with preservatives, those preservatives are essentially killing life.

01:45:37.000 That's what they do.

01:45:38.000 That's how it keeps bacteria and mold from growing on the food. 0.99

01:45:42.000 It's a life killer.

01:45:44.000 And then you eat it, go, oh, yum, yum, yum.

01:45:47.000 Oh, it's preserved so I can eat it. 0.99

01:45:49.000 Mean your healthy gut bacteria just gets fucking nuked. 0.96

01:45:55.000 Yeah, I don't think it's meat is the problem. 0.99

01:46:00.000 You know, I was on a USO Christmas tour, and I ate worse on that than I would.

01:46:10.000 And I go, how are they?

01:46:13.000 Yeah.

01:46:14.000 That's something they should fix.

01:46:15.000 That is something.

01:46:16.000 They're trying to fix that.

01:46:17.000 RFK Jr. is trying to fix that.

01:46:19.000 I was like, they're trying ice cream shakes and burgers and pizza at every base.

01:46:24.000 Yeah, it's a lot of processed food.

01:46:25.000 Yeah, it's terrible food for those soldiers.

01:46:27.000 It's terrible. 0.97

01:46:28.000 And then you're asking them to go to perform in the most fucking scary thing on earth, combat. 1.00

01:46:35.000 So it made me think, well, maybe it's all bullshit. 0.99

01:46:37.000 If the military's eating the same pizza and pepperoni that I'm eating at home, then they should be more. 1.00

01:46:44.000 No, what's bullshit is the way they treat those people. 1.00

01:46:47.000 That's what's bullshit. 1.00

01:46:48.000 What's bullshit is the way they take care of them. 1.00

01:46:51.000 That's what's bullshit. 1.00

01:46:52.000 What's bullshit is the consideration they give to the diet of these people. 1.00

01:46:56.000 Right. 0.99

01:46:56.000 You're asking these people to make the ultimate sacrifice and you're giving them prison food. 0.99

01:47:00.000 That's what's bullshit. 1.00

01:47:01.000 Right. 0.99

01:47:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:47:02.000 It's not diet's not bullshit. 0.99

01:47:04.000 Diet's everything. 0.97

01:47:06.000 It is literally everything.

01:47:07.000 Like I said, your body has nothing else, nothing else that it can build itself up with other than nutrients.

01:47:15.000 That's all it has.

01:47:17.000 You consume it.

01:47:18.000 If you don't, you starve to death, right?

01:47:20.000 If you don't eat, you starve to death.

01:47:22.000 So in order for your body to take care of itself, what are you giving it?

01:47:25.000 It's that simple.

01:47:27.000 You drink a lot of water?

01:47:29.000 A lot of water.

01:47:29.000 Yeah.

01:47:29.000 You still drink a lot of coffee?

01:47:31.000 I drink less.

01:47:33.000 I've been drinking coffee later in the day now.

01:47:36.000 I've been like going through my day and not drinking my first cup of coffee until like noon now.

01:47:41.000 I've been doing that a lot lately.

01:47:43.000 Huh.

01:47:44.000 You don't need it in the morning to get going?

01:47:46.000 Sometimes I feel like I do.

01:47:47.000 I enjoy it.

01:47:48.000 I indulge if I enjoy it, but I don't like relying on things.

01:47:52.000 I don't like having to do things.

01:47:54.000 I don't ever want to have that feeling.

01:47:56.000 So lately I've been like, and I've gone days without coffee just to see what that feels like.

01:48:01.000 Sometimes I feel a little sluggish.

01:48:03.000 But there's ways you can avoid that too.

01:48:05.000 Like I'll take nootropics, which is brain nutrients, you know, theanine and acetylcholine and a bunch of different things.

01:48:14.000 Like there's alpha brain.

01:48:15.000 That stuff pumps my brain up and fires it up.

01:48:18.000 It's just you get addicted to caffeine.

01:48:20.000 Caffeine is very, very addictive.

01:48:22.000 And I feel like if I can get my day going without it, it's probably better.

01:48:26.000 Yeah.

01:48:27.000 I drink a lot less, but I see what you're saying.

01:48:29.000 I love it, though.

01:48:30.000 Oh, it's great.

01:48:31.000 I love a cup of coffee.

01:48:32.000 Oh, good.

01:48:35.000 I landed yesterday, Austin Airport.

01:48:37.000 Like, I needed a coffee so bad.

01:48:39.000 I'd been out partying the night before, early flight.

01:48:42.000 I land, and you just want a cup of coffee before you even start seeing your texts because you don't want to deal.

01:48:47.000 And it's like the first place I go to, it's like, there's a long line.

01:48:52.000 I finally get there, and it's like, it's a kiosk.

01:48:54.000 And I'm like, I can't kiosk.

01:48:56.000 I need to just tell someone to put coffee in a cup and hand it to me.

01:48:59.000 And I go to another place and it's like they charge me and then they hand me a cup and go fill it.

01:49:05.000 And I walk away.

01:49:06.000 I just can't, I get so freaking cranky.

01:49:09.000 And I go to the third place finally.

01:49:11.000 It's just like, they give you a cup of coffee.

01:49:14.000 The kiosks and the no employees, it all makes me so mad.

01:49:20.000 I want to talk to somebody.

01:49:21.000 Oh, okay.

01:49:22.000 I don't like filling out a computer when I want something.

01:49:26.000 I rarely go to coffee places because I drink black coffee. 1.00

01:49:30.000 And black coffee at Starbucks tastes like dog shit. 1.00

01:49:33.000 Right. 1.00

01:49:34.000 It's all burnt and tastes terrible.

01:49:36.000 It's just not good.

01:49:37.000 I could drink any coffee.

01:49:39.000 You could take old coffee, put it in a microwave, and it's the same to me as really?

01:49:42.000 Yeah, an espresso that you're like this.

01:49:47.000 This is French.

01:49:49.000 Black rifle coffee.

01:49:50.000 You want some?

01:49:50.000 Yeah, get in there, dog.

01:49:52.000 That's good coffee.

01:49:54.000 That's real coffee, son.

01:49:56.000 Thank you, brother.

01:49:59.000 That's coffee.

01:50:00.000 Cheers.

01:50:00.000 Taste that.

01:50:01.000 Cheers.

01:50:03.000 Here's another problem.

01:50:04.000 That's good.

01:50:05.000 That's not bad, right?

01:50:07.000 If you get coffee from Starbucks, you're getting it in a paper cup.

01:50:10.000 And if you get it in a paper cup, it's not paper you're drinking out of.

01:50:13.000 It's plastic.

01:50:14.000 Because the inner lining of those paper cups is basically like a condom.

01:50:18.000 Right.

01:50:18.000 Ever seen when they break it down?

01:50:19.000 Yeah.

01:50:20.000 Well, if you add hot liquid to plastic, that plastic leeches chemicals into your body that are not good for you.

01:50:29.000 They're called forever chemicals.

01:50:31.000 They're terrible for you.

01:50:33.000 So like every time you drink a hot liquid that's in a paper cup, you're sucking on plastic residue.

01:50:40.000 That's gross. 0.83

01:50:41.000 We're gross. 0.97

01:50:42.000 There's a lot of things that are gross about the American lifestyle. 0.53

01:50:47.000 I mean, if you get coffee from Starbucks or something like that, ideally you should bring your own cup.

01:50:53.000 Bring a mug.

01:50:54.000 Bring, you know, like a little one of those little Yetis, you know, so it's like pouring right into stainless steel.

01:51:00.000 That's how you're supposed to drink it.

01:51:02.000 Who does that?

01:51:03.000 Who brings a little stainless steel jetty with them everywhere? 0.73

01:51:06.000 Not me.

01:51:06.000 Nobody.

01:51:07.000 Nobody. 0.99

01:51:07.000 But if you did that, you'd get a lot less of these fucking microplastics in your gut that also wreck havoc on your body, destroy your immune system, destroy your endocrine system. 0.99

01:51:18.000 They're endocrine disruptors, so it stops your body from producing hormones naturally, which also can lead to a host of different diseases. 0.97

01:51:27.000 Makes me think maybe Charlie Sheen was right after all. 0.99

01:51:30.000 Smoking crack while getting a blowjob. 0.99

01:51:30.000 Crack. 0.99

01:51:33.000 That's how to do it.

01:51:33.000 You don't think he was worried about the plastics in the pipe?

01:51:36.000 Well, there's certain dudes that are built different.

01:51:38.000 I mean, a lot of people that did what Charlie did would have already been dead a long time ago.

01:51:43.000 He's resilient.

01:51:47.000 I do hope somebody puts him in a big movie.

01:51:51.000 I like your idea.

01:51:52.000 I like a good comeback story.

01:51:54.000 Maybe he's due for another roast.

01:51:58.000 It'll be hard now.

01:51:59.000 He's all clean, sober.

01:52:01.000 It's like, what did you do 20 years ago?

01:52:03.000 It's like, yeah.

01:52:04.000 But now he's kind of doing all right.

01:52:08.000 Looks healthy.

01:52:08.000 He looks good.

01:52:09.000 He looked a lot better than I thought he was going to look.

01:52:11.000 Like, it doesn't look like a guy who went through 25 years of crack.

01:52:16.000 And he was sick?

01:52:17.000 Mm-hmm.

01:52:19.000 What did he have?

01:52:20.000 HIV.

01:52:21.000 Oh, yeah.

01:52:22.000 HIV is weird.

01:52:23.000 That's a weird one.

01:52:25.000 Because with the medication they have now, you don't really, you're not even testing positive.

01:52:31.000 But they just tell you you have it no matter what.

01:52:33.000 It's dormant.

01:52:35.000 Which doesn't totally make sense.

01:52:37.000 There was a guy named Peter Duisberg that I had on my show a long time ago.

01:52:41.000 And he was a professor out of the University of California, Berkeley.

01:52:46.000 And just brilliant, brilliant guy.

01:52:49.000 Groundbreaking work on cancer.

01:52:51.000 But he had a very controversial take on HIV.

01:52:54.000 And his take was he didn't believe that HIV is what caused AIDS.

01:52:58.000 He said the fact that you have HIV is because your immune system is so severely compromised that HIV shows up.

01:53:05.000 That was his take on it.

01:53:06.000 And he was ostracized.

01:53:08.000 You got to realize, like, during the AIDS crisis, do you know who was the guy that was in charge of the medical establishment in this country? 0.99

01:53:16.000 Anthony motherfucking Fauci. 0.98

01:53:19.000 Same guy. 1.00

01:53:20.000 And that guy had everybody convinced that we're all going to get AIDS, we're all going to die, and y'all have to take this medication.

01:53:26.000 And one of the medications they gave people was AZT.

01:53:29.000 The problem with AZT was AZT was a chemotherapy medication.

01:53:34.000 And it was killing people quicker than cancer was, so they stopped using it.

01:53:37.000 They repurposed it when AIDS came along, and they started giving it to AIDS people because they didn't have to go through this whole process of getting a drug certified, getting a drug to go through the FDA, and they already had a drug.

01:53:52.000 So they said, well, this drug, this will be the drug we use for AIDS. 0.99

01:53:56.000 But it fucking killed everybody they put on it. 1.00

01:53:58.000 Killed tons and tons of people. 1.00

01:53:59.000 When they stopped using AZT, people stopped dying.

01:54:02.000 You know, that's what Dallas Buyers Club was all about.

01:54:05.000 It was all about them trying that movie with Matthew McConaughey.

01:54:08.000 It was all about them trying to find alternative cures.

01:54:11.000 Alternative medications and being able to access alternative medications.

01:54:15.000 He wanted everybody to use AZT.

01:54:18.000 And he was like, AZT, the reason why they use it, it's the only drug that is both safe and effective. 0.95

01:54:24.000 It's literally what he said back then in the fucking 80s. 0.96

01:54:29.000 And that's the same guy that sold us this bag of bullshit with the COVID origins and whether or not it was gain of function research that caused it. 1.00

01:54:39.000 He's just a creepy fucking guy. 0.99

01:54:43.000 We never really got answers on any of this. 1.00

01:54:45.000 We will.

01:54:46.000 It'll take time, but we will, and he'll probably be gone by the time it's publicly understood.

01:54:52.000 But if you read RFK Jr.'s book, The Real Anthony Fauci, it'll open your mind.

01:54:56.000 It'll open your eyes.

01:54:57.000 He talks about how they were testing out in the 1980s.

01:55:01.000 They were testing out HIV vaccines on foster kids in New York and killing them.

01:55:07.000 Jesus. 0.52

01:55:08.000 Yeah.

01:55:09.000 They tested it on foster kids.

01:55:11.000 Yeah, it's real.

01:55:12.000 If it wasn't real, he would have been sued.

01:55:14.000 He hasn't been sued for it.

01:55:16.000 Wow.

01:55:17.000 It's a dark book, dude.

01:55:19.000 The real Anthony Fauci, I can't recommend it enough. 0.99

01:55:21.000 It's a fucking terrifying book. 0.95

01:55:22.000 But that's the same guy that was a part of the movie. 0.99

01:55:27.000 The movie's going to be weird.

01:55:30.000 Who would play Anthony Fauci in a movie?

01:55:32.000 Maybe Martin Short.

01:55:34.000 I think it's another Sean Penn tour deforestation.

01:55:38.000 Sean Penn was all about the vaccine.

01:55:39.000 Do you miss acting?

01:55:41.000 Not even a little.

01:55:42.000 I was thinking about that the other day.

01:55:44.000 You really were in this whole other world, Joe.

01:55:49.000 Call times, makeup, lies, blocking.

01:55:53.000 Well, I enjoyed working on news radio, and it was very, I felt insanely fortunate to be able to work with Phil Hartman and Dave Foley and all those people on that show.

01:56:02.000 Steven Root, Mora Tierney, and Andy Dick.

01:56:07.000 It was incredible.

01:56:08.000 Candy Alexander.

01:56:09.000 It was an incredible cast of people.

01:56:11.000 I mean, it felt super, super lucky.

01:56:12.000 But once it was over, I'm like, I don't think I'll ever be able to recreate that because that was like optimal.

01:56:18.000 And I had been on a couple other shows as a guest.

01:56:21.000 I didn't like it.

01:56:23.000 And I was like, this is not what I like.

01:56:26.000 I only did it for money.

01:56:28.000 You know?

01:56:29.000 It's not my thing.

01:56:30.000 And it's a long process, dude.

01:56:33.000 Sitcom hours are, you know, especially in the beginning days.

01:56:36.000 It was like 12, 16-hour days.

01:56:38.000 Who wrote that show?

01:56:39.000 Paul Sims and a bunch of other writers.

01:56:41.000 But he was from the Larry Sanders show.

01:56:44.000 You know, and he did Bard Walk Empire after that and a bunch of other stuff.

01:56:48.000 Wow.

01:56:48.000 But brilliant guy.

01:56:50.000 But that show was just like, they caught lightning in a bottle.

01:56:54.000 I got so lucky to be a part of that show. 0.69

01:56:57.000 And I'm like, I could never be on a shitty sitcom after that. 1.00

01:57:01.000 You know, I couldn't be on some fucking, you know, sloppy, canned horseshit show. 0.99

01:57:08.000 You went highbrow with Fear Factor. 0.99

01:57:11.000 Well, I took that because there was no actors.

01:57:14.000 First of all, I took Fear Factor because I thought it was going to be canceled.

01:57:16.000 I thought this is going to give me a lot of material.

01:57:18.000 That was the thing ran for 148 episodes.

01:57:22.000 Yeah, it was nuts.

01:57:23.000 Have you seen the new one?

01:57:24.000 No, I haven't.

01:57:25.000 But Johnny came on.

01:57:26.000 Johnny Knoxville came on to do it.

01:57:28.000 I didn't see the Ludacris one either.

01:57:30.000 But how long did Ludacris do it for?

01:57:33.000 I didn't even know that till now.

01:57:35.000 Yeah, Ludacris did it.

01:57:36.000 I think, was it on MTV, Jamie?

01:57:38.000 I think he did it on MTV.

01:57:40.000 MTV did it for a little while.

01:57:41.000 I think he did it for, I don't know how long.

01:57:45.000 But I love Johnny.

01:57:46.000 Johnny Knoxville is a great guy.

01:57:47.000 He's the best.

01:57:48.000 A true gentleman.

01:57:49.000 Sweetheart of a guy.

01:57:51.000 I love him so much.

01:57:52.000 I hope it does well.

01:57:54.000 I hope they don't hurt anybody.

01:57:54.000 You know?

01:57:56.000 That's the problem.

01:57:57.000 Like when Fear Factor came back on NBC, when we came back in 2011 and we only did six episodes, they were really trying to make it bigger and better. 0.99

01:58:05.000 I was like, Jesus Christ, we're going to fucking kill somebody. 0.98

01:58:07.000 It felt like it. 0.99

01:58:09.000 It felt like when it was canceled, I was happy. 1.00

01:58:11.000 I was like, fuck this. 1.00

01:58:14.000 You were done. 1.00

01:58:15.000 Yeah, well, it got canceled because they had a drink cum. 0.94

01:58:19.000 Do you know that? 0.61

01:58:20.000 You don't know that?

01:58:20.000 No.

01:58:21.000 What?

01:58:22.000 Oh, yeah.

01:58:22.000 Yeah.

01:58:24.000 Yeah, they played horseshoes to drink Donkey Kum.

01:58:28.000 Are we still talking about Andy Dick at news radio?

01:58:30.000 No, no, we're talking about Fear Factor now.

01:58:32.000 And he only drank people come.

01:58:35.000 He's a gentleman.

01:58:38.000 But yeah, that happened.

01:58:40.000 That's what got the show canceled.

01:58:42.000 But this is because they were just trying to make it as outrageous as possible.

01:58:47.000 It's like the early, you're right at the beginning of that crazy.

01:58:50.000 This is it.

01:58:50.000 Fear Factor, Donkey Juice.

01:58:52.000 This is it.

01:58:54.000 They had to play horseshoes, and they drank Donkey Piss and Donkey Kum. 0.95

01:58:59.000 There were three sets of twins, and one twin had to drink the cum. 0.96

01:59:01.000 Look at that. 0.98

01:59:02.000 That's a mug o cum. 0.99

01:59:05.000 Oh my gosh. 1.00

01:59:06.000 It's so foul.

01:59:08.000 Yeah, so TMZ, I think, got a hold of the clip or images and said that Fear Factor was doing this, and it never aired in the United States, but it aired overseas.

01:59:08.000 Wow.

01:59:18.000 It aired somewhere in Europe. 0.99

01:59:20.000 I want to say the Netherlands or Denmark or some shit. 0.99

01:59:23.000 Wow. 0.99

01:59:24.000 Yeah.

01:59:25.000 You survived.

01:59:26.000 Good times.

01:59:27.000 Good times.

01:59:27.000 Now you're drinking delicious coffee and you're palatial.

01:59:30.000 Hanging out with you.

01:59:31.000 That's fine, man.

01:59:32.000 Dude, I've known you since you were Jeff Lipschitz. 0.85

01:59:34.000 I've known you since your best joke, which was never trust a hooker with a walkie-talkie. 0.82

01:59:43.000 You go, I learned you were like 25, but you're like, I've learned a lot of things in my life.

01:59:47.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:59:48.000 I never trust a hooker with a walkie-talkie. 1.00

01:59:50.000 Was that the joke? 0.98

01:59:52.000 No, it was.

01:59:53.000 I went to college for three years.

01:59:54.000 You know what I learned?

01:59:56.000 How did it go?

01:59:58.000 Don't trust Hooker with Walkie Talkies. 1.00

02:00:00.000 I don't know.

02:00:01.000 You know me since Jeff Lipschitz.

02:00:03.000 I'm still, by the way, I'm still Jeff Lipschultz.

02:00:06.000 My ID, my passport.

02:00:08.000 Maybe you shouldn't tell everybody.

02:00:09.000 It's all right.

02:00:10.000 We should have hid that.

02:00:12.000 When did you change it to Ross?

02:00:14.000 What year was that?

02:00:14.000 Oh, I could tell you.

02:00:16.000 What happened was I got booked on Star Search down in Florida.

02:00:21.000 Like my first time on TV.

02:00:23.000 You know, we were all starting to get like on MTV and Star Search.

02:00:26.000 Those shows were coming around.

02:00:28.000 And I go down to Orlando where they were shooting it back then.

02:00:32.000 And Ed McMahon was the host. 0.99

02:00:37.000 And he kept introducing me by fucking up. 0.99

02:00:41.000 Arch this week's challenger, Jeff Lipschitz. 0.99

02:00:45.000 And I woke up.

02:00:46.000 And it would screw me up, you know.

02:00:48.000 Then the next, I'd won, and then the next day, it's like, this week's challenger, you know, life shots.

02:00:54.000 You know, he would just screw it up every time.

02:00:57.000 And on the flight home, I was like, I either have to, if I really love comedy, I was like two years in.

02:01:05.000 I go, let me think about this.

02:01:08.000 Ross is my middle name.

02:01:10.000 Jon Stewart was John Leibovitz, and he had told me he did it for similar reasons.

02:01:15.000 Like, no one can spell.

02:01:16.000 If I asked you to spell Lipschultz right now, even you couldn't, and you'd know me 35 years.

02:01:22.000 So I was like, all right, either I'm going to have to change my name or my whole family's going to, I don't know what to do.

02:01:27.000 So Ross, it just made sense.

02:01:29.000 It's easy.

02:01:30.000 Yeah.

02:01:31.000 It's easy.

02:01:31.000 Jeff Ross.

02:01:32.000 What was Ed McMahon like?

02:01:34.000 You know.

02:01:35.000 Did you ever hang out with him?

02:01:36.000 I shook his hand, and that was the end of it.

02:01:38.000 I didn't get to know him very well.

02:01:40.000 I heard he was an animal.

02:01:41.000 I heard he drank a lot.

02:01:43.000 Yeah.

02:01:43.000 But then I made some joke like that, and people got mad at me online going, don't disrespect Ed McMahon.

02:01:49.000 Was he gone by the time you made that joke?

02:01:51.000 Yeah, just recently because they rebooted Star Search just now. 1.00

02:01:55.000 Fuck people online. 1.00

02:01:56.000 You can't listen to them. 1.00

02:01:57.000 Oh, dude, that's another thing Sagitt taught me, Bob Saget, like block the haters.

02:02:03.000 Like, you know, we would argue about this because, like, he would block people, and I go, well, then they know you saw it.

02:02:10.000 Just ignore them.

02:02:11.000 Let them float out to sea.

02:02:12.000 He goes, no.

02:02:13.000 He goes, no.

02:02:14.000 I want them to know that they're blocked.

02:02:16.000 He goes, and I don't want them following me.

02:02:19.000 I don't want to say funny things to people who say mean things.

02:02:23.000 He valued himself.

02:02:26.000 I say, don't leave the comments.

02:02:28.000 I say, don't even pay attention.

02:02:30.000 Let them exist in the ether.

02:02:31.000 Well, you're off social right now.

02:02:33.000 Yeah.

02:02:34.000 You told me.

02:02:35.000 Yeah, I post things, but I post and ghost.

02:02:37.000 That's what I tell people.

02:02:39.000 Post and ghost.

02:02:40.000 Just post things.

02:02:41.000 It's like people know about stuff or something's interesting.

02:02:44.000 You know, someone sends you something interesting.

02:02:46.000 Like, oh, people should know about this.

02:02:47.000 Right.

02:02:47.000 That's it.

02:02:49.000 Get out.

02:02:49.000 I got better instead of using social media like Seth Green is my neighbor, good buddy of mine, the actor.

02:02:57.000 And he started doing this during the pandemic.

02:02:59.000 Instead of texting or liking people's stuff, he FaceTimes.

02:03:03.000 It takes longer, but he's like, it's a real connection.

02:03:07.000 Oh, he'll FaceTime you, you know, and talk to me, just even if it's for a minute.

02:03:12.000 What if you have an Android phone? 1.00

02:03:13.000 And you're fucked. 1.00

02:03:14.000 And my friend Benjiaflalo goes, he quotes Brody all the time. 1.00

02:03:19.000 He'll just write, he'll text me emojis, positive and a check.

02:03:25.000 Positive check-in.

02:03:26.000 Like what he used to do.

02:03:27.000 He would just positive check-in.

02:03:28.000 Positive energy.

02:03:30.000 Positive check-in.

02:03:31.000 God, he was so fun. 0.98

02:03:33.000 Here's another guy who's on my fucking contact list that's gone that I miss. 0.96

02:03:37.000 I almost wore my Brody t-shirt today. 0.97

02:03:40.000 I was thinking about him a lot lately.

02:03:41.000 I don't know why.

02:03:42.000 Enjoy it.

02:03:43.000 Enjoy it.

02:03:44.000 Has there ever been a comedian who's been less famous, but more his cadence has been more remembered?

02:03:52.000 It's almost like him and Dangerfield have the most memorable deliveries of all time.

02:03:55.000 Especially for us, for the guys.

02:03:57.000 I don't know if people know that.

02:03:57.000 Brody Stevens.

02:03:58.000 Yeah.

02:03:59.000 For the guys who were around him, he was just such a unique dude.

02:04:04.000 He would show up at the comedy store and pull into the lot.

02:04:07.000 Everybody'd smile.

02:04:09.000 When I first met him, I really, truly hated him. 0.95

02:04:13.000 I really hate him.

02:04:15.000 It was literally like the mid-90s, Joe, like in New York.

02:04:19.000 And I can't believe I haven't thought about this in so long.

02:04:24.000 The show that it's so funny.

02:04:27.000 The show that's coming out tonight, I started developing 30 years ago.

02:04:31.000 My grandfather died.

02:04:32.000 I live with my grandfather.

02:04:34.000 And it was like a way to process it.

02:04:37.000 And it was emotional.

02:04:40.000 And I was doing it at little alternative comedy spaces in New York.

02:04:44.000 And I didn't know Brody.

02:04:45.000 And Brody would sit in the front.

02:04:47.000 He was obsessed with it because I was like talking about stuff that hit for him somehow.

02:04:53.000 And he would sit in the front, but he would like over laugh or twitch around at a seat.

02:05:00.000 So then, you know, I'm developing this like one-man show.

02:05:04.000 It was like different than stand-up.

02:05:05.000 And he's like, he would want to talk to me about it.

02:05:08.000 And he would say like weird things that kind of threw me off.

02:05:11.000 You know, he would notice the differences.

02:05:14.000 And I said, listen, man, HBO's coming to see it next week.

02:05:20.000 Could you just not be in the audience?

02:05:23.000 He'll go, oh, okay, I understand.

02:05:25.000 I'm the guy who bothers you.

02:05:27.000 You don't like me.

02:05:28.000 I get that.

02:05:29.000 I go, no, it's not that, man.

02:05:30.000 It's just that like, you're like.

02:05:33.000 818 till I die.

02:05:35.000 You're distracting me.

02:05:36.000 And I'm not like, you know, I was only doing for comedy a few years.

02:05:40.000 So then HBO comes and Brody, I walk on stage and Brody's in the front row. 0.99

02:05:48.000 So afterwards, I go, dude, what the fuck is your problem? 0.99

02:05:51.000 I told you not to be. 0.99

02:05:52.000 He's like, there were no other seats.

02:05:53.000 I couldn't miss it.

02:05:54.000 And our friendship grew where we both moved out to LA and we became such good friends that I had a Comedy Central show.

02:06:01.000 He was the warm-up.

02:06:03.000 I had to have him around me all the time.

02:06:05.000 I felt safer and better.

02:06:07.000 I think we both grew from like, I was a model in Pakistan.

02:06:14.000 Cover of Camel Beat Magazine.

02:06:17.000 I dated an amputee.

02:06:18.000 We met on StubHub.

02:06:23.000 What was the one about the Nickelback tour jacket?

02:06:27.000 I was at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

02:06:29.000 I saw the Nickelback tour.

02:06:30.000 It was in the Lost and Found.

02:06:32.000 I love Brody.

02:06:33.000 Look up Brody Stevens.

02:06:35.000 Yeah.

02:06:35.000 I heard you talking about him the other day about his friendship with Zach Galifanak.

02:06:41.000 Yeah.

02:06:43.000 And that, were you there when they did the memorial at the comedy store?

02:06:47.000 No.

02:06:48.000 No.

02:06:49.000 At a good line.

02:06:50.000 I don't like those things.

02:06:51.000 I was backstage and Brody's like college baseball coach, high school baseball coach, and all his friends all spoke for like an hour.

02:07:01.000 And then they bring me out and I go, after hearing all Brody's friends talk for an hour, I'm starting to understand why he killed himself.

02:07:11.000 That's why I don't like those things.

02:07:13.000 I prefer to mourn people solo.

02:07:13.000 It was beautiful.

02:07:17.000 It was beautiful, actually.

02:07:18.000 Well, Brody was a beautiful guy.

02:07:20.000 That's our world.

02:07:21.000 We got to remember these guys.

02:07:23.000 I know, we do.

02:07:24.000 Well, you know, one of the good things about podcasts is like the world gets to understand a lot of these people and hear us talk about all these people.

02:07:32.000 I think our world is more understood now in this day and age with the podcast world than I think it's ever been known before.

02:07:39.000 More criticized, but that's part of the problem.

02:07:41.000 I mean, that's part of the process of it.

02:07:43.000 That's normal.

02:07:44.000 But also more understood.

02:07:46.000 Like, people get it.

02:07:47.000 They get it.

02:07:48.000 It's a weird art form.

02:07:49.000 I remember when you had Gilbert Gottfried on.

02:07:51.000 Gilbert was awesome.

02:07:51.000 That was great.

02:07:52.000 I don't think he fully understood what was happening here, but I remember really enjoying your interview with Gilbert.

02:08:00.000 What do you mean you don't think he understood?

02:08:02.000 He'd done Stern.

02:08:03.000 He'd done right, but he this is Stern is fast and jumping in and Joe, you know, like impressions.

02:08:12.000 This is more of a conversation, which Gilbert, in his spectrum-y thing, you know, it's tough to a lot of yes and no answers.

02:08:20.000 I thought he was great.

02:08:21.000 But I loved him, you know, and he knew I loved him.

02:08:21.000 Yeah.

02:08:24.000 I was always a giant fan of his, so it was like, I think it was pretty easy.

02:08:27.000 I wear a Gilbert Godfrey shirt in the special.

02:08:29.000 That's cool.

02:08:30.000 Ultimate tribute.

02:08:31.000 He was a sweetheart.

02:08:33.000 So a sweet guy. 0.98

02:08:34.000 So fucking funny, too. 0.99

02:08:36.000 God damn, that guy was funny. 0.99

02:08:37.000 I used to love watching his sets in New York. 0.99

02:08:40.000 The best.

02:08:41.000 Especially like in the 90s when no one knew who he was.

02:08:44.000 Like, oh, my God. 0.98

02:08:45.000 He's such a killer. 0.86

02:08:47.000 One of his last times on stage, I was at an improv in Florida, and he came with his family, and he came on as a surprise guest. 1.00

02:08:58.000 He walked out and he told this long, crazy joke about skull fucking his dead grandma. 0.88

02:09:06.000 So at his funeral, at his funeral, like a year and a half later, I said, Gilbert's comedy was fearless and ruthless and subversive, yet he was so lovable that he could get us to laugh at a joke about skull fucking a dead person. 0.80

02:09:20.000 And then I looked at his coffin and I said, not so funny now, Gilbert.

02:09:26.000 So I love Gilbert.

02:09:28.000 We've had the very unique opportunity to be around some really truly exceptional people.

02:09:34.000 Rare, rare human beings, you know, and so many of them.

02:09:37.000 You know, we're so rich in our associations with so many completely unusual people, you know?

02:09:45.000 Here's one more Gilbert story.

02:09:47.000 Okay.

02:09:48.000 One time we were roasting Joan Rivers.

02:09:50.000 I was producing it, and I booked Gilbert.

02:09:53.000 And I'm on the phone, I'm smoking a joint, and I go, I got one joke I like, but I can't do it.

02:09:58.000 He goes, what is it?

02:10:00.000 I go, well, you know, like, Kanye West's mom had recently died during a plastic surgery procedure.

02:10:07.000 It was the background.

02:10:08.000 And I go, Joan Rivers, Gilbert, you know, Joan Rivers, Kanye's mom has a better plastic surgeon than you. 1.00

02:10:17.000 And I go, but I can't do that.

02:10:21.000 And Gilbert goes, I'll do it. 1.00

02:10:23.000 And that's when I realized I was being a pussy and I had to do it. 0.99

02:10:26.000 So I did it. 1.00

02:10:27.000 So he pushed me.

02:10:29.000 That's awesome.

02:10:31.000 He's a really special, special guy.

02:10:31.000 That's awesome.

02:10:34.000 We're lucky, dudes, Jeff.

02:10:35.000 We really are.

02:10:36.000 We're lucky.

02:10:37.000 And especially now that we know all these people that we just talked about that were amazing that are gone.

02:10:41.000 We're lucky we're still here.

02:10:42.000 Being a comedian is like a backstage pass to the world.

02:10:46.000 You get to see things you never would see as a civilian.

02:10:50.000 It's true.

02:10:51.000 Dude, I just went to Qatar, Djibouti, Africa.

02:10:56.000 You were in Djibouti?

02:10:57.000 What were you doing in Djibouti?

02:10:58.000 You did stand-up there?

02:10:59.000 For the troops.

02:11:01.000 Christmas with the vice chairman of the Joint Chiefs.

02:11:03.000 Wow.

02:11:04.000 Saw the Patriot missiles that they're using now.

02:11:06.000 I was in two of the bases that just got hit just a few months ago.

02:11:11.000 Wow.

02:11:13.000 That's nuts.

02:11:14.000 You get to see.

02:11:15.000 And when you're with the vice chairman, sometimes you're on FOBs, they call them, forward operating bases.

02:11:21.000 They don't even tell you where you are exactly.

02:11:23.000 Oh, wow.

02:11:24.000 You know, you're like 80 miles from the Iranian border somewhere in Kuwait or Qatar or Jordan.

02:11:31.000 It's so cool.

02:11:32.000 Wild.

02:11:34.000 You've always done a lot of stuff with the troops.

02:11:36.000 You've been doing that from way back, from like the early 2000s.

02:11:41.000 2003, my first trip to Iraq with Drew Carey.

02:11:45.000 Wow.

02:11:46.000 Yeah, he took me in 2003.

02:11:48.000 Saddam was still alive. 1.00

02:11:50.000 I went back in 05.

02:11:52.000 I've done probably 100 of those shows all over the world.

02:11:55.000 It's the best, man.

02:11:55.000 Wow.

02:11:57.000 That's why I'm a comedian.

02:11:59.000 That's the best feeling.

02:12:01.000 That's the best feeling.

02:12:02.000 They say, oh, thanks for coming.

02:12:04.000 And I'm like, thank you, man.

02:12:06.000 Forget that I'm like entertaining.

02:12:08.000 You know, you're doing a show for people who are star for entertainment.

02:12:11.000 It fills me up.

02:12:12.000 Like it invigorates me.

02:12:17.000 It's just, they're not drinking.

02:12:19.000 They're the best crowds.

02:12:21.000 Right.

02:12:22.000 I highly recommend it.

02:12:23.000 That's awesome.

02:12:25.000 All right, dude.

02:12:27.000 Your special is it out yet?

02:12:29.000 Tonight.

02:12:30.000 Look at you.

02:12:31.000 A Netflix comedy special.

02:12:33.000 Longest special Netflix ever did.

02:12:37.000 You got the Bobby Brown microphone on?

02:12:40.000 I sing.

02:12:41.000 I think it's a salty, sweet, sour mix.

02:12:44.000 Look at that outfit. 1.00

02:12:46.000 It's a suit of armor, this guy.

02:12:50.000 This guy, poor guy, lost his hands in an explosion.

02:12:53.000 Oh, geez.

02:12:54.000 I asked him why his wife never got finger-banged.

02:12:59.000 Jesus.

02:13:00.000 It's a multimedia show about my family, about resilience, about bouncing back.

02:13:06.000 Are those screens on the back wall a bunch of different screens?

02:13:09.000 Yeah.

02:13:09.000 And they show different things on them?

02:13:11.000 Yeah, the dogs.

02:13:12.000 Oh, that's cool.

02:13:13.000 You're going to love this show.

02:13:14.000 I'm sure I'll love it.

02:13:15.000 It's about some of the stuff we were talking about.

02:13:17.000 Like when you take a hit, getting back up.

02:13:21.000 That's awesome.

02:13:22.000 And what's it called again?

02:13:23.000 It's called Take a Banana for the Ride.

02:13:25.000 When I was at Open Micer, I would take my grandfather to his doctor appointments.

02:13:30.000 And then at night, I would go in in New York and try to get on stage at the Open Mics.

02:13:35.000 And my grandfather would give me a few dollars for the bus and tolls and a banana.

02:13:39.000 Take a banana for the ride.

02:13:41.000 Kind of his way of saying, I can't go with you, but I'm there with you on the ride.

02:13:45.000 I just tattooed a banana with my mom's would write, I love you, or I miss you, and put him in my school lunches.

02:13:53.000 So I found an old letter with her handwriting and made a tattoo.

02:13:57.000 So now I always have a banana.

02:14:01.000 This one, Eddie Vetter drew.

02:14:02.000 It says, Born to roast.

02:14:04.000 Oh, that's cool.

02:14:07.000 All right.

02:14:07.000 It's out now.

02:14:08.000 Ladies and gentlemen, go watch it. 0.73

02:14:10.000 Jeff Ross.

02:14:11.000 I love you, buddy.

02:14:12.000 Love you, Rogue.

02:14:12.000 Thank you.

02:14:13.000 Good to see you.

02:14:14.000 Bye, everybody.

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 24, 2026

Joe Rogan Experience #2472 - Jeff Ross

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript