Bill Burr joins Joe and Joseph to talk about sex toys, serial killers, fake vaginas, and more. Joe and Bill are sponsored by the Fleshlight, a company that makes sex toys that look like vaginas. They are also the only ones left in stock at Walmart, but they don't have any black or white ones, so they have to be fake. They also have pink ones that don't look like a vagina, but look like the inside of a butthole. And they're not even white, which is a good thing, because white people get offended when they see a woman with a vagina that looks like they have a hole in their ass. And white people don't get offended because it's not a hole. They get offended by it because it looks like it's a vagina. And that's not even close to the worst thing we've ever seen a person do to a woman who has a hole, but it's still pretty cool, so why not try it out? and see how you feel about it? If you don't like it, maybe you should have a fake vagina instead of a real one? And if you do, maybe it doesn't really look like you have a vagina at all? Joe thinks it would be better than a real vagina? Bill thinks it's pretty good, but he's not sure if it's even good at all that would be good at what it does at all. Joe doesn't think it's worth it, but we'll see what he thinks it is at all, so we'll give it a try anyway. Thanks to our sponsor, Fleshlight! We hope you enjoy this one. We're looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this one, and we'll talk about it in the next episode of the podcast, and let us know what you think about it's good or not so we can give you a rating and review it in a review. We'll see you guys a rating on the pod! -Joe and Joe's thoughts on it in next week's mailbag. -Joes and Joe - Joe's Thoughts on the sex toys and sex toys we've found so far... Thank you for listening to this episode of The Joes & Joe's Joes Podcast. Joes and Joseph's Podcasts - The Fleshlight - Joe's YouTube channel: & the Joes' Podcasts: .
00:03:41.000We were saying yesterday that it's funny that they sell the butthole version and the vagina version, and what if the butthole version just so outshowed the vagina version they just canceled making them because nobody wanted to fuck the rubber vagina.
00:09:09.000Well, you know, they do their best, but these guys, high-level pros, don't miss very often, you know?
00:09:14.000So they can fuck up and take a bad path on purpose, and a path that gives them a high percentage of getting stuck behind balls or something like that.
00:10:04.000It's like pool, but it's played on a giant table, a 12 by 6. And the pockets are really small, and the balls are really small, and they're colored.
00:10:34.000Put some sort of reference to drugs right on the table.
00:10:38.000Pool has always had a problem with people gambling and dumping money.
00:10:40.000It's a common thing amongst guys who bet.
00:10:43.000Guys will back pool players, and the pool players will dump and cut up the money because they know this way they're going to win.
00:10:49.000That whole world, the world of gambling, when you get gambling involved with anything, and there's a lot of gambling on pro basketball, I would just assume it's rigged.
00:11:28.000I'm trying to equate it to what you do.
00:11:31.000Be like if a guy had no stand-up and all of a sudden he was great at stand-up and then five seconds later again, oh yeah, he doesn't have any stand-up.
00:12:07.000As usual, I have like one story and then that becomes law.
00:12:10.000I just spread it out over every sport and start pontificating.
00:12:14.000Bill Burr is one of the more interesting conspiracy theorists that I know because Bill Burr, you'll start talking to him about it and then five minutes in he'll admit that he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.
00:13:36.000Then also, one of my many non-researched opinions is I just don't like the fact that there's some sort of, I don't know, they beam a signal up to a satellite, it burns back down through the atmosphere and into my fucking car, and there's somebody talking to me.
00:13:53.000Actually, I think it doesn't beam anything out.
00:15:03.000But they say that if you leave one in your car and it gets really hot out, it actually releases chemicals that, especially for men, are not good for you.
00:16:00.000He's like, I'm married and I have a kid now and responsibility and you're still out partying.
00:16:07.000And it's just like, it's just one of those things, the fucking people, just because you have a kid, they think that automatically makes you responsible.
00:17:12.000But he's a good shit though because I called him up the next day.
00:17:15.000I'm like, dude, you fucking failed a drug test like six months ago and you took a header off your front steps walking your dog down the street and you had a red mark looking like fucking Jimmy Snooker when I came to met you, right?
00:23:27.000They would steal a child, kill the child, and eat a piece of its fucking heart because they felt like they wouldn't be able to die in combat.
00:25:17.000Like sleeping bags, just in case I'd have to escape this city real quick, but it's starting to get retarded.
00:25:23.000Like I have batteries that I can recharge by the sun and stuff like that.
00:25:27.000Do you realize the level of heads up, how on the inside you'd have to be that this entire city wouldn't be like gridlock of people leaving?
00:26:08.000Really, that's how it's supposed to be.
00:26:09.000You're not supposed to keep people impoverished in a shitty place just because you claim this patch of dirt and you don't let them over here.
00:26:26.000The problem is you let people go and move to wherever they want and people are always going to move to the place where it's better and they're going to abandon their shitty place.
00:26:34.000But if you don't allow them, they have to stay in their shitty place and make their shitty place better, which they're never going to fucking do.
00:26:39.000So you ensure that there's always going to be levels of people.
00:26:42.000The only way to keep levels other than that is just fucking be heavily armed.
00:27:58.000Isn't that the guy that got popped for murder?
00:28:01.000He's being processed for a bunch of different things.
00:28:05.000Oh, he's the guy, he actually has his own, basically, from what I've heard, has his own militia, and actually he gets hired out by the U.S. government for them to go over there when they want to do some covert, extra filthy shit.
00:28:48.000So he just went over there for a few months and he made like some ridiculous amount of money, like something like $10,000 a month or something like that.
00:32:11.000One, it's like they keep conflict going on, and the more conflict they keep going on, the more we're going to need government, the more we're going to need protection.
00:32:17.000I mean, that's been proven that they create conflict in other parts of the world in order to control different regions.
00:32:22.000They'll arm someone if their enemy is, you know, the other side, and they'll fuck with things.
00:32:28.000Yeah, but all that bullshit where they justify, like, sweatshop labor and moving factories out of the U.S., And, you know, they just went around the unions and then they just justified it by saying, you know, they always say, in order to compete in a global economy, it's like, fuck you.
00:32:46.000It's like, in order for you to get another yacht.
00:34:18.000Pretty much how it works is that's why you have 30 days.
00:34:20.000You know, for credit cards, you have 30 days to return shit.
00:34:23.000You have 30 days to make sure all these charges are correct.
00:34:25.000Once you get past 30 days, then you're pretty much screwed.
00:34:27.000Dude, they do other shit where if you say you're one of these guys, I pay off my balance every month and you think you're getting them, this is what they do is if...
00:34:36.000If you pay it three days before, this guy was telling me it ends up being late because they send it somewhere else to be processed.
00:34:43.000They deliberately, they artificially delay it.
00:34:46.000So by the time it does get to that, it's messed up.
00:34:51.000And this is one of those other things.
00:34:52.000Someone told me that in a Starbucks...
00:35:27.000However long they can hold on to your money, they make interest off your money, too.
00:35:31.000So I guess if you think about it like that, like, you know, if they hold on to your money an extra few days before they do something, and you add that up over, you know, the million people they have in their bank and the 365 days a year...
00:35:42.000that practice probably nets them a significant amount of money.
00:35:45.000If you look at it like that. - Dude, 28 bucks from every shithead like me who doesn't check for a fucking year.
00:35:50.000And I didn't notice until it went under a thousand bucks 'cause I knew I had a thousand something in there.
00:35:55.000It was one of the accounts I had back east.
00:35:58.000So I came out here and I was always meaning to close it out.
00:36:02.000You know, I had like 1200 bucks or something in it and then all of a sudden I'm out here for like a year and a half and all of a sudden I get my statement and it was like down to like 900 something bucks And that is on me.
00:36:11.000It is on me because I didn't realize that your bank could fucking steal from you and then just say, well, you know, go fuck yourself.
00:36:27.000I walked out disgusted, and then the NBA Finals started, bred the circus, and I started watching that, and I never followed up.
00:36:33.000There's actually something that just passed, you guys.
00:36:35.000Especially the audience might want to check this out.
00:36:38.000It used to be a credit card like a bank or a credit card, if you had seven charges go through at the same time, they can take out all those seven charges and then charge you seven overdraft fees.
00:36:49.000That's how they used to be able to do it.
00:36:50.000But something just passed recently that you could tell your credit cards and your bank that if there's no money in your account, you're not allowed to pull money out.
00:36:58.000So they're trying to trick you into signing and going, no, let's keep it the old way.
00:37:15.000Tell all your credit card companies know that if there is no money in the account, you don't want it to go through, and you'll save yourself all those.
00:37:21.000You'll never have an overdraft charge again.
00:37:23.000They're forcing overdraft fees on people.
00:37:26.000They're trying to go back to the old way where like you would have seven things go through like a $3 charge and then you get charged $39 for an overdraft fee.
00:37:33.000You're like, well, why did it go through if I had no money in my account?
00:37:37.000Or if you made a deposit to cover it, they input the deposit last.
00:40:47.000I used to do a lot of local material when I was living in Boston because it would kill.
00:40:53.000So you did jokes about girls from Revere with the big bulletproof hairdos and a lot of regional shit.
00:40:59.000And then when I would go on the road, it was like I was disarmed.
00:41:02.000Like none of my references would work.
00:41:05.000I would tell a Revere Beach joke, and you would get recognition laughter in Boston.
00:41:09.000But when you're on the road, they just, okay, where's the joke?
00:41:12.000Well, you remember those guys, and they'd go down to Jersey and be like, what's the equivalent to Revere Beach down here?
00:41:19.000You've got to regionalize all your references.
00:41:21.000The only time that's happened lately is if I go over to Europe.
00:41:26.000And I was saying to somebody the other day, one of the few things that not only I didn't have to change, but fucking destroyed was a reference to Ric Flair.
00:42:15.000I feel like when British comedians or comedians from over there, I either love them or not only do I not like them, but I feel like they're like 15 years behind the time, which is odd.
00:42:38.000But somehow it comes out in their music, though.
00:42:40.000Like, it always seems like, you know, everything from, like, the Sex Pistols to fucking Ozzy Osbourne, all these broke, angry fucking dudes.
00:43:53.000The big monsters, Steve Sweeney, Kenny Rogerson, Don Gavin, Mike Donovan.
00:43:59.000When I was a kid, okay, and when I first started doing open mics there, and those guys were all the national headliners, or the local headliners, rather.
00:44:06.000They'd be at Knicks, and they'd be at The Connection.
00:46:27.000I saw that guy in 1988. I was at an open mic night.
00:46:31.000It was one of the first times that I thought about quitting comedy.
00:46:34.000I went up, it was an open mic night, and I went up, and I did my little five minutes of fucking nonsense, stupid, terrible, bad comedy, just trying to make people laugh, didn't know what the fuck I was doing, and didn't go so good.
00:46:47.000You know, those early sets, it was like one of my third or fourth sets, so not so good.
00:46:51.000Clumsy, you know, maybe one laugh, and then I fuck it up with a bad punchline, and I just didn't know what I was doing.
00:46:58.000Teddy Bergeron goes up, and Just so fucking smooth.
00:48:04.000Yeah, and he'd just hire a driver just to wait outside and do all the sets.
00:48:08.000What I love about those guys is there was almost like a height requirement too.
00:48:12.000They were all like fucking 6'2", 6'3", huge guys.
00:48:16.000And they literally would have like a keg of beer over one shoulder and like an eight ball in their hand and would just be going from club to club destroying.
00:50:15.000You know, you're going to get people to come in to watch these fucking open micers do five minutes each.
00:50:20.000Dude, the first time I ate my fucking balls on stage, I was doing this place like Kelly's something or other in either Reading or North Reading.
00:55:03.000Well, not only that, he's hijacked The Tonight Show because The Tonight Show was always the late night show where guys would go on and all the guests would go on and it would be like an important spot.
00:55:11.000Well, the 10 o'clock spot became just as important, so they were like siphoning off guests.
00:55:17.000You couldn't have a guy who's promoting...
00:55:19.000Mel Gibson goes on Jay Leno's show and then goes on The Tonight Show as well.
00:55:22.000No, you're only going to have one or the other.
00:55:24.000Yeah, and TV is all about the leading.
00:55:26.000So the brilliance of it was J-bombing actually fucked Conan.
00:59:49.000I think it was a Bugatti, a million-dollar car, and they played the Rolling Stones, Get No Satisfaction, and there was a sketch just to spend money.
01:02:22.000I swear they should get the death penalty.
01:02:24.000You touch a kid, you fuck with an animal, or you make old people eat dog food for the last 15 years of their life when they thought they were going to live in their houseboat or their dreams.
01:04:05.000I think he was the head of NASDAQ and the not FCC he's the head of NASDAQ and this fucking guy goes on to be the biggest Ponzi scheme Mastermind in the history of the country.
01:04:16.000That's pretty incredible a guy that like worked in the system He must have known that it's impossible to figure it out like I always I never paid attention Like I look at the stock market.
01:04:25.000I see all those numbers going back and forth and I'm like What the fuck is all that?
01:04:29.000You know I somebody knows it's a crap table You know, it seems like it's all bullshit, but look, obviously, there's this Alan Greenspan guy.
01:04:58.000And I started, you know, as I always do, I read a little bit and then I start pontificating and then two follow-up questions and my whole argument falls on the ground.
01:05:06.000But after reading a little bit more, I read that book, The Case Against the Fed, and I stopped talking to people about it because it's like if I really start informing people and everybody knows this whole thing is going to fucking collapse.
01:05:35.000The craziest thing is when you go to New York and Times Square and you see that one building that has the national debt and how it's accumulating and it's just spinning.
01:05:43.000They had to add an extra fucking zero to it recently.
01:06:06.000Yeah, dude, I gotta admit, like, there's a lot of terrifying things about living out here in Los Angeles, living in a city that is in a bankrupt state with a, you know, doesn't really have a water supply, technically.
01:08:11.000No, I know I can go there and visit and get fucking...
01:08:14.000Dude, actually, that's one of my things I really want to do is I want to...
01:08:18.000I would love to become fluent and be able to speak French and then go over there and act as the ignorant American just to hear the shit that they're saying and just act as dumb as I possibly can.
01:11:40.000I knew a guy who had a friend in this state I used to live in.
01:11:44.000I'm not going to say where, but back in the day, the Jeep CJ7, they basically kept the same chassis, body, all that shit for like fucking 15 years.
01:11:57.000So what he did was he went out and he stole a brand new one and just parked him side by side in his garage and just took apart the new one and put all the new...
01:13:21.000Like, my first car, I had a Ford Ranger, and I actually learned, if I wanted to go, I just didn't have the balls to do it, because I didn't have a friend who could fix the problem.
01:13:32.000So I had to keep it very, like, I was like a hygienist, but like, working on a fucking car.
01:13:37.000Like, you know, you learn, you know, changing the oil is the first thing, then you learn how to change the belts.
01:13:42.000Then you start doing the spark plugs, then you get the timing light, and I got right to the fucking point where I was going to start fucking with, I don't know what, trying to do like the pistons and shit, and maybe I'll...
01:13:52.000I'll try to get some more horsepower in this.
01:13:54.000And I was just like, Bill, it's a fucking Ford Ranger, two-wheel drive.
01:14:29.000I think about it sometimes that I poured oil into the drain like a retard, and then this guy came by and go, yeah, that's a good place for that.
01:14:35.000And then I was so dumb, I was like, yeah, it is a good place for it, right?
01:14:37.000It fucks with you because you were into the environment or because he made you look stupid?
01:15:43.000Back in the day when there wasn't computer chips and it was easy.
01:15:46.000I was in the Charles River fishing once, and it was right across the street from my house where I lived in Boston, and I saw this bubbling in the water, and I couldn't figure out what the fuck it was.
01:15:55.000I was looking, I was like, something's like bubbling, like water's coming up.
01:16:32.000You know what's worse is like baby diapers in parking lots of like Target the other day I was at and there was fucking just these little squares where they like changed the diaper and they were like put it on the ground and stuff.
01:19:29.000I went to Colorado, and I was living there for four months, and when I came back, a deer had decided to make my backyard home in LA. It's right out here.
01:19:36.000And every day, this deer would be wandering through my yard, chewing grass.
01:19:40.000And they just decided that since nobody was here, there was no noise.
01:20:52.000Oh, yeah, you can become a real fucking creep on YouTube.
01:20:55.000That's what I love about the internet.
01:20:56.000You really can just become the person that you, if you feel like, you know, I want to be better read, you can go to Wikipedia and see what morons think about the subject that you want to learn about.
01:21:07.000Or if you want to add a little creepy shit to your personality, you can do that.
01:21:12.000I want to learn how to pick a fucking lock.
01:26:30.000I think it hurts them, but I think when an animal gets into that state where they're attacking and trying to kill you, they don't think about pain the way people do.
01:26:38.000I've seen dogs fight with each other, and they're wagging their tail like happy.
01:26:43.000Meanwhile, they're ripping each other's faces apart, especially pit bulls.
01:26:46.000Pit bulls, they don't seem to experience any pain when they fight.
01:26:49.000They seem to just do it and then think about the pain later.
01:28:41.000So now I'm sitting there, and I got some fucking, I don't know, some sort of Costa Rican Kiwi trying to get this fucking monkey to come down.
01:30:18.000You know, it's named after a part of France.
01:30:21.000That's where they found the first skeletons.
01:30:23.000They've been saying recently that people are, most people or a good percentage of people have Neanderthal genetics in them and that we somehow or another absorb them.
01:35:15.000And you swipe your card, and as they're putting it into the system, or as you swipe it, somehow they're tapped into this shit through the fucking air.
01:36:19.000You know how the CIA has always been accused of selling drugs, and the argument for it is the bad guy is going to sell drugs no matter what you do.
01:36:27.000The CIA takes that money and uses it for covert operations to protect Americans, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
01:36:31.000The CIA has always sold drugs, and that's just the way it is.
01:36:34.000Do you think that the bankers would get involved in hacker activity just because they figured, look, someone's going to do this, we're going to do this?
01:36:51.000I'm always looking at these hacker things.
01:36:53.000But I really don't think bankers are above stealing.
01:36:56.000No, of course they're not above stealing.
01:36:57.000But I always look at these hacker situations and I go, okay, you hear about this fucking Russian teenager made $50 million in a year in his basement and then he started an empire, blah, blah, blah, and he was just a hacker.
01:37:08.000Well, if I'm reading about this, there's got to be some people that are rich and powerful and recognize that $50 million is some real money.
01:37:14.000And if this goofball kid in his fucking basement is making that kind of money, is there a way they can do that?
01:37:54.000The bullshit that I'm doing is no big deal.
01:37:56.000But those guys who can actually hack their way...
01:37:59.000I tell you, what's even more interesting is that if you go on YouTube, there's ways to show you how to get those things that you put on ATMs at the gas pump, and there's videos showing how to do it and where to buy them.
01:38:11.000It's like this thing that fits over the credit card slot at your gas pump, and there's a little camera that you tape into the corner.
01:38:18.000I'll tell you right now, that's why you never use your fucking ATM card.
01:38:51.000Yeah, you should never do debit either.
01:38:54.000You should always do credit card, you know, where they always try to trick you to put in your PIN. And you're like, no, I'm not putting in my PIN. Run it as a credit card.
01:42:29.000You could say, you know, if you could say, oh, I fought in a tag window tournament once, and I fought on Friday, and when I finally woke up on Tuesday, you know, after some guy kicked me in the fucking head.
01:42:44.000Dude, but when I started out, though, there was like, you know, because all those headliners didn't leave, we were like, how the fuck do you end up headlining?
01:42:52.000We were looking at the only guys who kind of busted through.
01:44:11.000I did Dick Doherty's Comedy Vault, where I put together, basically polished up my first five minutes of material ever, so I always go down there.
01:45:54.000But there's more work in Boston, or at least there was, like just little road gigs, an hour drive here, hour drive there, more of those in that area than anywhere else in the country.
01:46:05.000When I would talk to guys from other places, and then I'm like, where's your road gigs?
01:46:35.000When he was living up there, and it was getting so big, he actually ended up leaving because he almost became, I think, kind of almost like a club owner at that point.
01:46:43.000He could have done it, but he basically started the comedy scene up there.
01:46:49.000Because before that, all they had was the connection, but like...
01:47:11.000But when he first started out, he probably started out in 89 or 90. There's no one known for being from Maine.
01:47:20.000There's no one Maine comic that stands out.
01:47:22.000But Bart Marley in anywhere else in the country is like, people might have heard of him, you might have heard him on XM radio, you might have seen him on Comedy Central or something.
01:47:34.000It's like Gabriel Iglesias in LA is giant.
01:47:39.000Gabriel Iglesias does shows in LA. Well, he'll do like five shows on a Monday night, like something fucking nutty and sell out every one like days and days in advance.
01:48:57.000Killer Bees guys, and there was one or two other guys who, south of the Mason-Dixon line, would just absolutely, if you just put their name up, they would sell like a thousand tickets.
01:50:39.000Yeah, well, George Wendt was on the Opie and Anthony show, and I don't know what happened, but it was very unenthusiastic, and they wound up kicking him out.
01:54:20.000He sees something, and he just says, fuck this.
01:54:22.000Dude, he's got a couple where he's so into it, like you think he's going to pass out.
01:54:26.000And when he's yelling at people in the veins, the way his eyes bulge out, he's got one where he keeps going, I inherit it, and his voice keeps cracking.
01:54:35.000What are you talking about that born with a golden spoon in his mouth?
01:54:39.000Dude, I'll be on the road, depressed, like, oh my god, I hate this, and I'll just start watching Ric Flair videos, and I'll just start laughing my fucking ass off going, this is what it's about!
01:55:51.000To get that big, you know, that Chris Benoit guy that wound up killing his whole family, juice to the gills.
01:55:58.000Yeah, but that's also another thing, too, is a lot of getting on, like, pain meds, because those guys did, like, they guys were working, like, seven Seven nights of fucking week.
01:56:04.000That's the thing about guys who fight in the UFC. Like, Brock says that pro wrestling is way harder than being the UFC heavyweight champion.
02:01:44.000Bunch of pussies and the idea is that the injuries distract you from other stress.
02:01:50.000I'm a firm believer of stretching, yoga, any of that type of shit.
02:01:55.000Because I don't know what happens when you get older, but even just sleeping, the amount more that your tendons or whatever shrivel up...
02:02:03.000Like, dude, if you ever saw me hobble to the bathroom in the morning, you would think that I played like five years of professional ball or something.
02:06:11.000And then the next thing I remember, I was lying perpendicular to the double lines.
02:06:17.000I was only out for a second, just like Belzer when he got choked out.
02:06:20.000I was only out for a second because when I came to...
02:06:24.000The biggest dude you ever saw in your life gets out of this Jeep.
02:06:28.000He probably had nightmares because of the way I just rode out in front of him.
02:06:32.000He got out already crying, going, Oh my God, I hit him!
02:06:37.000And all I could think was my dad's gonna fucking kill me and I got up and I ran.
02:06:42.000The only thing that fucking happened, the only thing that other than I got knocked out was, you know that thing here if you bite down on your back teeth, that thing that goes in and out on the side of your head?
02:07:52.000I knew a bunch of dudes who had brain damage.
02:07:54.000I knew a bunch of dudes from boxing gyms that had brain damage.
02:07:58.000Wasn't too significant, but it was enough that you could see it.
02:08:00.000And I'd seen guys from, you know, when I started, when I was 15, and I'd seen how they evolved, you know, how they developed brain damage up until, you know, when I was like 21, when I stopped fighting, 21 or 22. I got to see the deterioration.
02:08:27.000So Charlie Murphy fucking gave me great advice because I told him I was starting to go over there because he's all into that martial arts shit.
02:08:35.000And he just called me and said, Hey, yo, Bill, let me tell you something.
02:08:40.000He's like, You're going to be over there.
02:08:41.000He literally broke down because you're going to be over there for like fucking maybe a month, month and a half and somebody's going to come up to you and tell you That you look like you're decent.
02:08:53.000And they're basically going to try to talk you into getting into the ring because they need fresh meat.
02:08:57.000And he goes, do not go in there under any circumstances.
02:09:59.000He laughed his ass off when I told him that.
02:10:01.000Because he just started thinking about my big stupid Charlie Brown head getting battered around the ring.
02:10:07.000Boxing gyms are notorious for that shit.
02:10:09.000See, when that happens in jiu-jitsu, it's really no big deal.
02:10:11.000I remember when I first started doing jiu-jitsu, I started rolling with guys who were really good and just getting humiliated, getting strangled.
02:10:20.000I was a white belt, and I was on news radio, and I was just starting out, and there was this purple belt kid, this Brazilian kid who was badass, and he used to fucking rape me every day.
02:10:28.000I would be terrified to have to fucking roll with this kid because he was really good, and I was terrible.
02:10:33.000And every time I'd roll with him, this motherfucker would mount me and choke me and armbar me.
02:10:37.000He would tap me three, four times, and I was exhausted.
02:10:40.000Just over and over and over again, he would tap me.
02:10:42.000But it didn't hurt me, you know what I'm saying?
02:10:44.000But what was the level of frustration coming from being a national champion in Taekwondo?
02:10:57.000There was a guy named Joe Lake who was a boxing coach in Boston, and he was training at the same gym that I was at, and he was offering me to teach me boxing if I would teach him how to kick.
02:11:06.000And so we sort of made this little deal and we worked back and forth with each other.
02:11:10.000And as I started boxing, I realized how bad my hands were from Taekwondo.
02:11:14.000And then I'm like, I've wasted all my time doing this Taekwondo shit.
02:11:16.000But then when I go box with guys and kickbox, I'm fucking terrible with my hands.
02:11:20.000So I started getting really good with my hands and working on it.
02:11:22.000So I'd already been enlightened to the fact that my original path was not the best path in the world.
02:11:27.000And one of the reasons why I stopped fighting, I stopped fighting in Taekwondo tournaments because I realized how silly it was, how easy it was for people to punch me in the face and how many techniques didn't work once you added punching.
02:11:36.000Then when the Ultimate Fighting Championship came along, I realized like, oh, well look what this fucking guy does.
02:11:41.000He just, you know, hoist Gracie, just takes guys down and strangles them.
02:11:44.000What the fuck would I do if that guy got me?
02:11:48.000So I started doing jujitsu, and I was just a rank beginner.
02:11:50.000I wrestled one year in high school, so I knew how to throw bodies around a little bit, but I didn't know how to defend myself against anybody who was any good, and this kid just mangled me over and over.
02:12:17.000You don't realize, until you roll with a guy who's good, how a guy who's like that, you know, high-level purple belt, a strong guy, can just do whatever the fuck he wants to you.
02:14:44.000Oh yeah, when I used to call up GCAS. That was a lot of fun though because I could be in airports making fun of fucking the creeps at Cinnabon and all that and people really liked that.
02:14:54.000How come you don't have a fucking Twitter account?