Joey Coco Diaz, the Master blaster, and Brian Reichel join the pod to talk about foot fetishism, foot hygiene, and feet in jiu-jitsu. Also, the guys talk about the new Fleshlight and how they use it on a daily basis. We are still sponsored by the Fleshlight. Thanks to our sponsor, The Fleshlight, we are still sponsors of the podcast and the podcast is still going strong. If you like the show, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and other Podcasting Platforms. We appreciate your support and look forward to seeing you in the next episode. XOXO, Joe and the boys. CHEERS, EJ & The Jerks. Cheers. -The Jerks Podcast -Joey and the Jerks -Mad Flavor -Bryan and the Master Blond -Reichel -Jemele and the rest of the crew. This episode was brought to you by the fleshlight. and is sponsored by The Fleshlights. Thank you to the Fleshlighting. Joe and The Jerklight - Thank you so much for sponsoring the podcast, we appreciate you! and we hope you enjoy this episode and keep coming back for the next one. Cheers, Joe & the boys! - The Jerky Jerky Crew. "Mad Flavor" -Joe and the guys. Brian and the Crew - Mad Flavor (The Jerky Team Joe Coco Diaz - Mad Flavortown . - & the crew Mike and the Boyz - Reicco - Joe & The Boyz "The Boyz" - . . . , , and the crew at the Jerky Co - the boys at the JUICY BOYS - Cheers! (Joey & the Crew at The J& The Crew at J & The Crew Thanks to the J& B.C. & the J & the guys at The Jerki & the rest and the other Crew at the place where they do it all. (Thank you all for supporting the podcast. ) -and all the love and support that you all are so much love & support the podcast with all the hard work that goes out there and all the support out there.
00:04:01.000Yeah, but what if you didn't know Joey Diaz and you're like, all right, you and Joey are going to do jiu-jitsu today, and I'm sorry about the air conditioner.
00:05:04.000I picked the dick up and pulled it out.
00:05:06.000Joey Diaz is famous for showing his balls.
00:05:08.000Famous for showing his balls at the comedy store, showing them on stage, just walking around, pulling them out on people, because they're ridiculous.
00:05:13.000They really do, like, they look like oranges.
00:05:16.000Like, oranges is in an old lady's pantyhose.
00:06:15.000The way a guy becomes a comic is all your life people have been telling you, shut up, that's mean, don't say that, you're looking at it the wrong way, and get a job.
00:06:51.000We were on a plane and Joey says that he's with the band Ten Foot Screws and he would like to get on the PA. He would like to get on the PA and sing a song for everybody.
00:07:01.000This is how high we are when we fly, okay?
00:07:05.000I mean, he gets on the fucking PA. One, two, one, two, ladies and gentlemen.
00:07:09.000And he starts breaking into Notorious B.I.G. But with no swears, and no one knows what to do.
00:07:14.000And there's people staring at their kids, and they're so confused.
00:07:18.000And they announced it like, hey ladies and gentlemen, we have a short presentation by the band 10 Foot Screws.
00:13:43.000Your dad farted in Irvine Improv and I thought, you ever get so high, you're on the wall and you think, like I was watching you and I'm like, ain't nobody walking by me and I cut a fart.
00:13:51.000And all of a sudden I turned around, a waitress is coming back.
00:14:10.000One time I went to Bob Hope Medical Center, and they did an EKG on me, and as they were picking me up, it was a small office, as they were picking me up, a little fart came out of my ass.
00:14:19.000I just went, and the doctor and the nurse just sit there and look at each other, and I got up real quick and blocked them.
00:15:22.000You know, it's funny, though, is that we were talking about farts and airplanes, but yet we just got done talking about farting on airplanes.
00:15:33.000What I was going to say is, what is it about, like, things like farts, where, like, you know, if you talk about it, it's like a cheap laugh.
00:15:38.000And a lot of times it is a cheap laugh, like bad comics.
00:15:41.000But when it's telling the truth, you know, when it's you.
00:15:45.000Like, you've talked about farts on stage before and had me fucking crying laughing.
00:15:50.000If anybody smelt one of Tate's farts, you would look at farts completely different, and it wouldn't be a hacky situation.
00:15:57.000Well, it's still one of those things where I think a lot of comics are always worried about what other people, especially other comics, think about their material.
00:16:04.000So they're scared to talk about anything, even if it's something they're really thinking about, if it's like a tired premise.
00:16:10.000Even if you have your own unique point of view on it, they just don't want to touch on it.
00:16:13.000But I don't think that's good either, man.
00:16:15.000I think if you give yourself any restrictions...
00:16:18.000I mean, you could be dwelling on the dumbest fucking thing in the world, like the most obvious premise, but if you're actually dwelling on it, you should even address the fact that this is obviously a stupid premise.
00:18:59.000There's one side where you are, you know, you're pro-life and you don't think that people should be allowed to have abortions and that there's other options and that it's killing, it's murder.
00:19:08.000And then the other side is, you know, you support a woman's right to choose and it's just a series of cells and the body doesn't have a soul.
00:19:17.000The woman, she's carrying it in her body.
00:19:35.000What you're doing is you're killing something.
00:19:37.000You know, it's growing inside you, but it will eventually become a human being.
00:19:41.000You know, I mean, we can play games and say, you know, at three days in it's not, at five days it is, or whatever the fuck you want to say.
00:19:47.000But the bottom line is there's a little human being growing inside your body.
00:19:50.000And I think you should be able to do whatever the fuck you want.
00:21:49.000Yeah, and then it's so weird seeing a girl, but then you get to the big one, and that is the most depressing thing you'll ever see in your life.
00:21:56.000Just this baby sitting there with a face that's been frozen in time, like, and just, you know...
00:22:20.000Anyway, so it's really like a bunch of bodies all cut up in weird positions, doing weird things.
00:22:27.000And it gives you a sense of the anatomy, but it also gives you a sense like, how is this any different than something a fucking serial killer would do?
00:24:48.000I was, like, freaking out about the colors of the sky and, you know, thinking how strange this life is and we're all pretending it's permanent, but it's really temporary.
00:24:56.000While I was, like, forced to do this, you know, not forced, but, you know, while my job was to do this Fear Factor show.
00:26:54.000Do you think that the connection that you have when you get super high, especially with edibles, that weird feeling that you have where you feel like you can tell if people are lying, you can tell if people are upset with you and they're not talking about it, that you can tell if they have issues.
00:28:12.000I have all the hardware from my old brain.
00:28:15.000It's still laying around, but it's not even connected anymore.
00:28:18.000That fucking isolation tank from just smoking weed.
00:28:21.000I'm trying to figure out how to live my life as if I just entered into this world 10 years ago.
00:28:29.000I entered into a body that's already existed and already had a history and already had a bunch of things that it's already done and dealt with.
00:28:56.000It is the craziest fucking experience that I ever do.
00:28:59.000It's like doing a crime and going home and locking your door and smoking a joint for eight hours sitting there thinking the cops are going to break in.
00:30:59.000This motherfucker, if you don't know about the isolation tank, what the isolation tank is, it's a tank that was invented by a guy named John Lilly.
00:31:07.000John Lilly was this crazy, psychedelic pioneer from the 60s.
00:31:10.000He used to take ketamine and fucking lay in the tank for days.
00:31:15.000He used to take acid, and this is how he figured out how to make the tank.
00:31:18.000He wanted to figure out a way where he was completely separate from his senses.
00:31:24.000So his brain doesn't have to listen to his body at all.
00:31:26.000And first he started out with, he would be in a tank where he would be upright and the head, you would float by the head.
00:31:32.000So basically you'd be hanging from your chin, which is probably not that comfortable, but you get used to it and then the rest of you feels like you're weightless.
00:31:39.000But then he figured out all you have to do is just put a ton of salt in the water and that'll make you buoyant and then you can lie on your back and then like half of your body's exposed.
00:31:48.000They all have like, mine has 800 pounds of salt in 11 inches of water and you lie in it And the water is 93.5 degrees, which is the same temperature as your skin.
00:31:57.000And so as you lie in it, you don't feel the water anymore, and you just dissolve.
00:32:06.000It's just a mind with no connection to any input.
00:32:09.000So the mind doesn't have any distractions.
00:32:11.000Your mind gets to look at your whole life completely objectively, not thinking about your back or your fucking feet smell or, you know, you're touching the couch or you're hearing, you know, sounds and seeing lights.
00:33:44.000Do you think you avoid that kind of like heavy lifting when it comes to like the mind?
00:33:50.000No, you know, to me, I have my own kind of relaxing things that I do, and it seems like, I don't know, I guess it's not a necessity, so I don't really need to blow money on something that, you know.
00:34:03.000Dude, I'll buy you a gift certificate.
00:34:06.000If it was free, I would do it every day.
00:34:07.000All right, well, let's get you on it then.
00:34:22.000If you Google where to float, just that term, there will be a website that will pop up from Samadhi.
00:34:28.000Samadhi.com, which are very awesome people that made my first tank.
00:34:33.000And their website has a listing of places where you can rent time in a tank all over the world, all different countries, all the different places it's available.
00:34:41.000And a lot of people have used it and emailed me about it and said that they found a tank, you know, like an hour away from their house or something like that.
00:36:32.000So then you don't have access to that pure belief.
00:36:36.000You don't have access to the pure belief.
00:36:38.000Literally, you have to be kind of crazy to have access to the pure belief that you can fix yourself with this magic pill that's just sugar.
00:41:11.000I just, just to fuck with it, I went outside and was putting little green lights on all the neighbors' houses, like seeing how powerful it was.
00:42:04.000See, he's one of those dudes that, even though I wasn't looking forward to seeing him when I was at the comedy store, now that I think about it, I'm like, what a cool guy.
00:42:36.000We used to fuck around a lot in the parking lot.
00:42:37.000You became a much better comic in the parking lot.
00:42:41.000Because it was like you got loose in that parking lot and started fucking around with us, and you don't have any restrictions about time or agents watching you or managers.
00:42:51.000You could just be yourself, and you would fucking kill everybody in the parking lot, and then you would take that and just go on stage with it.
00:44:18.000You know, a lot of people, like, you know, they didn't give him the credit that he deserved because a lot of his premises were, like, kind of common premises.
00:44:26.000You know, like, you know, common, like, almost like...
00:44:29.000Talk show host, not talk show host, but like, you know, if you're doing a spot on Letterman.
00:44:33.000Like, a lot of his premises just fit right into the standard, you know, Letterman spot.
00:47:13.000But now there's so many avenues and it's so easy now.
00:47:16.000I always think about that like I would have been fucked if it wasn't for the internet because I would have been always labeled as a game show host guy.
00:47:25.000Nobody would have taken my comedy seriously.
00:47:27.000You'd have to see me live to know that I was actually a comic first.
00:48:01.000Back then, man, you could fake an image.
00:48:04.000How many fucking gay guys were straight and they got married and everything and the Hollywood image and the studio pushed an image for them and press people would talk to the press for you and you had a publicist.
00:48:30.000They're going to compile enough data to know exactly what you really like.
00:48:33.000They're going to know your lows and your highs.
00:48:35.000They're going to get to make an honest judgment.
00:48:37.000Like Google knows everything about us.
00:48:40.000How about we were talking about this Apple iPhone thing?
00:48:43.000The iPhone, there's like some new thing where Apple's collecting and sharing iPhone users' precise locations.
00:48:49.000And this is what it is, an updated version of the privacy policy.
00:48:52.000The company's added a paragraph noting that once users agree, Apple and unspecified partners and licensees may collect and store user location data.
00:50:23.000And people are going to start hacking it.
00:50:24.000Now, once they're sharing data and they know where your precise locations are and you're buying things, you're going to get spam on your phone.
00:53:46.000Why do you think they concentrate on taking rights away?
00:53:49.000Do you think they concentrate on taking rights away because they're worried the shit is eventually going to hit the fan and then they're going to have to really figure out how to control people?
00:53:56.000So they're going to have to have more regulations, more ways to lock you up?
00:53:59.000Why else would they be struggling to try to get more control over people?
00:54:02.000Why would they be struggling to take away your rights and liberties?
00:54:05.000Unless there's profit or unless they can control you in some sort of a time of great stress and disaster.
00:54:18.000Because the government can absolutely target people who are enemies of the government.
00:54:21.000People have taken people out of the Green Party and put them on terrorist watch lists and no-fly lists just because they protest against the war.
00:55:09.000But there's a kid right now that can press three buttons and he'll call you here with your motherfucking pin number and your phone pin number.
00:55:14.000Don't tell me you know nothing about the computer.
00:55:15.000I saw you Twitter from your cell phone.
00:55:28.000Six months from now, FaceTime hackers are going to bust into your phone and turn on your cameras and just view whatever is going on in your room and listen to whatever you're going to listen to.
00:56:00.000How dudes add keystroke things to their wives' computers to find out where their wife's going, meeting up with their ex-boyfriend, and shit like that.
00:58:12.000I tolerate your 15 second commercials.
00:58:15.000If you give me a fucking 30-second commercial before I watch a YouTube clip with a dog that's barking, okay, some fucking 10-second video, I swear to God, I will stop buying your product.
01:03:06.000When he's yelling at us, saying shit on the phone.
01:03:09.000You know, what is it about black culture where the black guy never loses?
01:03:13.000In black culture, and like, not all, obviously, but in shit like this, like these kind of songs, and like the R. Kelly type songs, or like Superfly movies or something like that, there's something about never losing.
01:05:24.000Alex, after Jones failed to have significant follow-up success, he left the music industry to tend to his terminally ill mother and raise a family.
01:05:33.000He helps his son, Orin2, not Orin1, Orin2, better known as Mookie, with his rap career.
01:05:39.000In addition to producing and scoring music for commercials and independent movies, Jones also contributes to a number of hip-hop blogs, including Houston's JustFlippin.com or Global Grind.
01:08:25.000And so he wrote this fucking, basically a new bit explaining, fuck me, you can't take that back.
01:08:31.000Like he redid the bit, like even funnier, in a blog, you know, talking about times and things that have happened and what, you know, I always wondered what you were, you know, what you're up to these days.
01:08:40.000The where are you now, you know, screen that plays in my mind.
01:10:26.000She wanted to come with me, and she was planning on it.
01:10:27.000So I got on stage and immediately go into the whole fucking story about my girlfriend going to, you know, spring break and coming back with rug burn.
01:10:36.000And I had, you know, like what, you know, I had like a what's worse.
01:14:07.000Did you ever play doctor or do any of that creepy shit when you were a child?
01:14:10.000I had a 21-year-old chick that used to grab my dick when I was 13. I didn't actually fuck her, but she would make out with me, I would tongue kiss her, and she would grab my dick.
01:15:57.000And then when she didn't reply back to me, I started thinking about all those times and I used to give her a stab and I was like 11 and she was like 9. I would feel her stomach the next moment to see if she was pregnant.
01:18:12.000And we go from nothing to hanging out with this whore?
01:18:15.000It's funny, the first girl I ever tongue kissed, I found on Facebook recently, and she is the biggest white piece of trash ever, and she's got like a hundred kids, and she lives in Florida, and we found a video of her, and she's like, oh, I don't know who's talking about Snoop Dogg, but I don't...
01:18:32.000And she was fat, and it was like this dream girl that I think about all the time in my head, like frozen in my head, and now I see her, and I'm like, oh my god, that is so awful.
01:18:42.000It's funny when you look back on the different types of people that you kind of experiment with when you first start dating.
01:18:49.000You know, when you're young, and you don't even know what the fuck you like, and all of a sudden you catch yourself out with some chick who's just completely nuts.
01:21:49.000My memory's real shaky from this time, but I remember this guy went up, and I'd never heard of him, but they went nuts when he went on stage.
01:22:02.000So after that, that's the worst thing you want.
01:22:04.000Someone killing when they're clean, and then you go on after them dirty.
01:22:08.000Especially if nobody knows you, you just feel like such a sack of shit.
01:22:12.000There's a really great topic that I started on your forums that just has been becoming popular again in the last two days, and I don't know if you've ever read it.
01:22:19.000It's called The Story of Hayley Riley.
01:22:22.000And I just retweeted it on my Twitter at Red Band.
01:22:25.000But it's about this girl that I used to be really good friends with that I met on the internet.
01:22:30.000And every time I would talk to her on the phone, she would send me pictures.
01:22:45.000So I stopped kind of talking to her after that because it was kind of creepy.
01:22:49.000Anyways, I lately got an email from a guy and he goes, you know, he's asking me if I knew her and what I thought about her and stuff like that.
01:22:59.000And there's this long email and there's this whole backstory of this thing on your forums.
01:23:44.000How did he know that you knew about her?
01:23:46.000Because I think back in the day, somewhere in LiveJournal or something like that, I had my old website on there connected to her somehow, and he was just asking if I ever knew her, if I still talked to her.
01:24:00.000How did you know that he wasn't some fat guy pretending to be some guy?
01:26:01.000When AOL first came out, they used to have profiles, kind of like Facebook back in the days, and you would chat to people and stuff like that.
01:26:29.000I see this big group of girls, and I see this hot girl, and I'm like, oh, there she is.
01:26:34.000And then that whole girl got blocked like an eclipse of this fat girl that came into my vision, like stepped in front of the girl, and it was her.
01:26:42.000And she was like a blonde chick, probably about 180, maybe?
01:27:40.000You go to that fucking Russian weed store on Sunset Across from Rock and Roll Rouse and you look at that behemoth of a chick and you come out and tell me that you wouldn't fuck this chick to death.
01:31:17.000I'm trying to lose 35 pounds, and I'm not shaving until I do because I fucking hate facial hair so much, so it's making me want to fucking do it quick.
01:31:25.000I've never met anybody like you who goes so far down, you lose all the weight, and then you're getting it right back.
01:34:38.000If you're working in a place that sucks that bad that so many people are killing themselves, they have to have nets up, chances are jumping in those nets would be fun as shit.
01:35:48.000This war hasn't stopped, but it ain't going to stop.
01:35:49.000People think that it's ridiculous to think that heroin has something to do with this war, but all you need to know, and these are real facts, is that over 90% of the world's heroin...
01:38:03.000There's money out there to be made and they know it and they make it.
01:38:06.000And you're talking about the same people that are willing to start wars?
01:38:09.000They're willing to do that whole Gulf of Tonkin thing where we went into the Vietnam War under false pretenses and false flag attacks just in order to make sure that we're involved in disputes with other countries.
01:38:19.000And one of the things they do when we're involved with disputes with other countries is they jack their natural resources.
01:38:23.000And one of their natural resources are drugs.
01:38:26.000And you don't think that Afghanistan is a fucking gigantic money hole for those evil scumbags that are willing to do shit like that?
01:38:43.000If you start saying part of the reason why we're in Afghanistan is because someone's making money off drugs, that's definitely got to be something to do with it.
01:38:59.000What do you think finances this shit, you know?
01:39:01.000Well, you know, the whole thing that happened during the Reagan administration with the Contras, you know, and when that Michael Rupert guy busted the CIA selling drugs in Los Angeles ghettos, you know, all that stuff, that's just standard operational procedure.
01:39:18.000It just takes a while for it to pop out and get into the news sometimes, you know?
01:41:12.000So now what happened with Lindsay Lohan?
01:41:13.000Because I drink that kombucha shit and everybody's saying that Lindsay Lohan lied and she said that her bracelet went off because she was drinking that kombucha and that kombucha has a A level of alcohol.
01:41:24.000There's something going on with that because it was pulled off the shelves off of Whole Foods, and there's some questioning about the alcohol content of them.
01:41:34.000Yes, that it's less than one half of a percent.
01:42:57.000On the road, I take the acidophilus with me, and I just take that, and when I'm at home, I drink those fucking drinks, and I'm not getting sick.
01:46:02.000Because now Fedor, unfortunately, really does become irrelevant.
01:46:06.000Because part of what made him exciting was the fact that he was this undefeated guy who seemed to be superhuman and destroys Tim Sylvia, destroys Andre Orlovsky.
01:46:18.000Some of the aura was eroded slightly by the Brett Rogers fight because Brett Rogers got him down, was ground and pounding him, was connecting with big shots.
01:46:26.000And you looked at it and you're like, what if Brock got him in that spot?
01:47:22.000He's very explosive and very fast, and he's good and tough, and his technique is good, but he's not like a guy who could just step into K1 the way Alistar does.
01:47:31.000And Al Starr has a nasty ground game as well, so the transition between the two of them is very smooth.
01:47:37.000And when he took Brett Rodgers down, he just controlled him on the ground and beat the fuck out of him.
01:47:40.000He really, like, made a mockery over Fedor's win.
01:47:43.000I mean, it wasn't, you know, just, I mean, obviously it wasn't the same night, it's not the same circumstances, but the way he beat him, I was like, man.
01:47:50.000Alistar, to me, is more exciting right now than Fedor.
01:47:53.000Alistar is one of the scariest guys in the division.
01:47:56.000K-1 level, high-level striking, and nasty Brazilian jiu-jitsu.
01:48:01.000Won the European Abu Dhabi trials, submitted Vitor Belfort.
01:48:04.000He's got a fucking sick guillotine, man.
01:48:06.000What do you think Fedor would have to do to earn back your, like, wow, that guy's on top of his game?
01:48:38.000And it's pretty obvious watching that fight that he probably hadn't experienced that kind of shit before.
01:48:43.000I mean, he's made some critical errors.
01:48:45.000There's a beautiful video where Henner Gracie and his brother break down what Fedor did wrong and what Verdum did right in explaining the triangle.
01:49:21.000Kung Lee has that fucking step-in-turning sidekick.
01:49:25.000He stands in a southpaw stance with his right leg forward, and he throws a left, like steps forward throwing a left, and dude's back out of the way just of the punch.
01:49:34.000But a turning sidekick comes behind it.
01:49:36.000So it's a 360-degree turning sidekick.
01:49:38.000He stands with his right leg forward, throws the left hand, and as he throws the left hand, he steps forward with the left foot and then spins.
01:52:20.000And Tyler's a really good writer, but he's got some...
01:52:23.000Ridiculous stories about porno sets and scenes, and he's got a story about failing at a bukkake event where literally hundreds of dudes are fucking this chick, and he's in line with all these dudes, and he's trying to keep his dick hard, and he gets up and he totally fails.
01:57:02.000Pound him to death, and it's going to be stopped.
01:57:04.000Do you think that Shane Carlin won't be able to stop Brock from taking him down?
01:57:07.000Yeah, I think Brock's just a monster, and you can't stop when that fist is coming at you, and it's just going to keep on coming, and I think he's just going to get smashed.
01:57:37.000And I think he's just got a lot of time to think about shit and a lot of training to do, and he's going to probably be more ready now than he's ever been in his life, I think.
01:57:45.000Well, you know, he's not even cutting weight.
01:57:46.000He's walking around at, like, 265. He's lost weight.
01:57:53.000It's because now he's on this really vegetable diet and, you know, high in fiber and, you know...
01:57:59.000Broccoli and shit like that to go along with the meat.
01:58:02.000So he's got this diet that's like a cleaner diet and he watches his food.
01:58:06.000The Countdown show was pretty interesting when they were talking about him coming back and they started out nice and slow.
01:58:10.000He worked out they made sure his heart rate didn't go over certain beats per minute and then they slowly built him back and they could see the beast return.
01:58:18.000And then before you know it, he's fucking 280 pounds again.
01:58:36.000Would they let them fight in the UFC? What if you got a guy like Hector Lombard, who's like the Bellator champion, very highly touted middleweight, one of the best in the world.
01:58:44.000But what if a guy like that level decided to come, like Gomi?
01:58:47.000What if Gomi came over to the UFC and he tattooed a dick on his chest?
01:58:50.000Well, they'd probably make him cover it up with it.
01:59:13.000He left the wolf's lair, so he had a marker and he put a big X across the wolf's lair on his back because he had tattooed the wolf's lair on his back.
01:59:23.000You know what would be awesome what a fighter should do?
02:01:48.000I haven't even thought about doing it in the shower.
02:01:50.000The only problem with the Fleshlight is as much of a loser as you feel like when you jerk off, you feel like five times more of a loser when you nut into a rubber pussy.
02:03:59.000When I'm doing a weekend somewhere, like a Dallas weekend or Austin or something like that, where I'm doing Friday and Saturday and Sunday, how about we fly in Thursday, okay?
02:04:38.000So if you need to see Joey, eventually you're going to get to see him on DVD. But for now, go to see him if you're in LA, Sal's Comedy Hall, Friday night and the improv 10 p.m.
02:05:12.000I did not know it was that hard to watch a show.
02:05:14.000I figured it was just like, if I'm standing on stage for an hour and a half, I think it's no big deal to stand and watch, but it's a big deal.