In this episode of the Joe Rogan Podcast, the boys talk about the problems they have with their new tomahawk pipe and how they are going to fix it. They also talk about how they're going to get rid of the old computer and how it's going to be better than the new one they have now. Also, they talk about what they're doing to their new computers and other cool shit they're getting rid of. Joe also talks about his new laptop and how he's fixing his old one too. This episode was recorded at his mom's house and we recorded it at his house so it's a little bit different than the last time we recorded at her house, but it's not a bad one at all. Enjoy! -Joe Rogan and the boys Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. We do not own the rights to either of these songs, credit goes to the original artists. If you like them, please leave us a review and tell us what you think about them on Apple Podcasts. We'll be sure to include them in the next episode. Thank you so much for all the love and support! -The Joe Rogans Podcast. -Your Hosts: , & . and . . and . & . And thanks for listening to the show. and all the support we've gotten so far this week, we've got some amazing reviews and reviews from you, it's been really helpful. , we really appreciate it, we really helped us out there's and we appreciate it. Thank you guys, it means a lot, we're looking forward to all of the support us, so much, we can't thank you, we appreciate all of you, Thank you, Joe, and we'll keep on coming back next week! Thank You, Joe and Thank you for all of our support, Joe & Chad and Joe and Chad and Chad, and all of your support is so much love, Thank You. XOXO. Thanks, Chad and Brian, Thankyou, Chad, Chad & Brian, and Joe, too, and the rest of the boys. -- Joe and the Crew. Brian and the crew at the Rogans, Chad and the gang. :D - ( )
00:07:02.000Haven't you ever seen, like, one of those interviews where someone was in a coma for, like, seven years, and then, for whatever reason, the guy just woke up, and he said he was awake the whole time?
00:08:42.000There's a video on Joe's message board.
00:08:45.000It's under the topic called I can't wait till my cell phone does this.
00:08:49.000And it's this company that does special effects so that you can pretty much, and it shows like all their samples, and it's just like backgrounds of buildings that you'd never think was a green screen.
00:09:00.000And it just shows you like the scenes first and then it shows how they're just, yeah, it's amazing.
00:09:04.000Could you imagine if you could do that with your phone?
00:09:06.000If you could like put your phone down and change what you're looking at?
00:09:10.000You know, that's what's going to happen eventually.
00:09:12.000When they figure out how to broadcast images and make them look real like it's right in front of you, like not just on a screen, but an actual hologram that looks real right in front of you.
00:13:10.000Like, there's the scene where the gasoline's running away from the car, and he's walking away, and he lights the gasoline, and the car blows up behind him.
00:13:17.000How many fucking times can you see that one?
00:13:41.000I would do it and try to be cool and light it and start to walk away, but then I'd start to assume it's gonna happen, so I start going like that.
00:13:46.000And then I'm like, wait, what's happening?
00:15:58.000Is there a single human being that saw the ads for that fucking, let me tell you about the Morgans, you know, the movie with Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant, the new one that's out now, something about the Morgans?
00:16:09.000Is there a fucking single human who saw that ad and went, fuck yeah!
00:18:39.000That's one of the things about the old school comedy store is you never wanted to go home because you never knew what the fuck was going to happen.
00:18:44.000I made the mistake of thinking a show was over where a guy was miming out being broken up with by a porn star as she started fondling and touching her boyfriend that was there.
00:18:52.000And he was like, please, Pete Carbone, please take me back.
00:19:31.000What was the chick's name that was on stage where Joey was in the back of the room at the original room and he came out and kept pulling his balls out and she thought she was killing?
00:19:45.000Anyway, whatever the chick's name was.
00:19:47.000She's on stage and she's one of those lifers that had been doing comedy like 20 plus years but had never made a living out of it.
00:19:53.000The comedy store kind of kept those people around.
00:19:56.000Whereas those people, the really crazy people that are not really in the world of comedy but they're sort of in the world of comedy, they don't get up at the improv.
00:20:04.000But at the store, those people would get up on a regular basis.
00:20:07.000And they really want their stage time.
00:20:08.000And they want to run through their jokes.
00:20:09.000And you want to see them and panic when you see them on the line up because you thought they would clear the room out.
00:20:16.0008 times out of 10. Yeah, and so anyway, so she's on stage and every time she goes near Bucks, like we've all seen her act a million times, Joey Diaz is behind her.
00:20:25.000The way the original room worked, you could actually sneak up on somebody while they're on stage, open up the curtain, grab them and pull them into the darkness.
00:20:39.000So Joey goes back there, takes all his fucking clothes off, and every time she hits the punchline, he pulls open the curtain and starts shaking his balls, and his big giant grapefruit balls are slapping around, and then he would close it back up.
00:21:02.000All of a sudden she figured comedy out.
00:21:04.000Like, yes, my hard work has come to fruition.
00:21:07.000And when that happens to you, the whole back row fills up with comedians.
00:21:10.000And the comedian that's on stage is like, oh cool, the comics are watching me.
00:21:15.000We've seen so much crazy shit at that place.
00:21:18.000The comedy store, the old school hangouts...
00:21:22.000What was the best part about the Comedy Store?
00:21:23.000The audiences were some of the worst ever.
00:21:25.000Which is one of the reasons why you develop, like, like, people always say, like, you know, oh, you know, you're always dealing with hecklers, like, you know, what is that like?
00:22:10.000Especially like a lot of guys who start out in clubs like in New York, you get really short sets.
00:22:16.000You know, you don't get to fuck around on stage for a half an hour or an hour.
00:22:20.000You know, you don't get like those nice long sets.
00:22:22.000And when you get those nice long sets, then you could put material where you want it and fuck around and be loose and it's got more of a flow to it.
00:22:30.000Yeah, I was talking about this with people's showcase.
00:22:30.000It's like you have to do some seven minute sets to get ready.
00:22:32.000You don't have time to like, hey, what's up everybody?
00:22:44.000It's like, yeah, this is a good bit, but it's really good after I've been talking for 10 minutes and you know my personality and you know where I'm coming from.
00:23:35.000But if they don't know you, you can't just go on stage and you might have this killer brilliant bit, but you'll do the first opening line of it and they'll just start eating it right away and you're like, fuck.
00:23:52.000Real comedy is in front of an audience.
00:23:55.000Any comedy on television, even comedy like when I did my comedy special, I'm happy that people could get a hold of it, but it's really just an ad to get them to come see us.
00:24:04.000It's a bastardized version of the real thing.
00:24:08.000It's nice, it's got the material down, and you can see it without having to drive across the country to where...
00:24:13.000Yeah, and people are like, well, what's the difference?
00:24:14.000I can still see the jokes, I see exactly what they saw.
00:24:16.000It's like, no, you don't, because then what you miss is the connection you try to make with an audience, and you weren't in that audience, and then you didn't feel that.
00:24:23.000You didn't feel and hear the same things you heard.
00:24:25.000That's a huge point right there, the connection.
00:24:38.000It's almost like a psychic connection.
00:24:41.000You know, like there's moments where they know exactly what you're thinking and you can just pause and consider something and they'll start laughing because they know based on, you know, they're going there with you.
00:24:55.000I try not to judge other comics by watching them on TV, but I do.
00:25:42.000Stand-up comedy really is sort of like a mass hypnosis.
00:25:45.000It's like some weird mass connection with people.
00:25:48.000And what you're doing with like a video is you're just hoping that someone will sort of get a little bit of that connection.
00:25:55.000You know, you'll get like a little vibration of it, a little, just like a faint memory of that connection.
00:26:03.000You get the material and you understand good writing and all that stuff, but there's a moment that happens when you're on stage and you're killing.
00:26:10.000You know that moment where it's just...
00:27:48.000It was like one of these little comedy gigs that you would get where you'd drop it into a guest spot before you were actually getting paid.
00:27:56.000It took me like a year before I ever got any paid sets.
00:27:59.000But before that year, there was always guys that had these little bar rooms and you could go up and do 10 minutes.
00:28:03.000Like in Boston, they developed a whole network of those.
00:29:06.000And it was Mecca for the whole country.
00:29:09.000For whatever reason, that one place developed all these comics.
00:29:13.000I mean, like him or not, Dennis Leary, What's-His-Face, Stephen Wright, and then guys you've never heard of, Jay Leno, of course, Nick DiPaolo, Anthony Clark.
00:29:24.000Anthony Clark back then was a murderer, dude.
00:29:27.000I remember seeing him on TV doing his jokes.
00:29:30.000Yeah, he, you know, I think he got a television show and things started happening for him and I just think...
00:29:36.000A lot of stuff didn't fall into place, but when I was starting out back in Boston, Ari Shafir moved away from the camera.
00:31:37.000We're in two fucking wars that make zero sense.
00:31:39.000There's a lot of angry fucking people out there, man.
00:31:41.000Yeah, but there's a lot of UFC people that I've noticed have come onto your message board lately that has kind of taken over the con of the crowd.
00:31:49.000And they're either cool, which is a lot of them are cool.
00:32:07.000And these forums, we have it set up so people are just generally instructed to be cool with each other, don't be retarded, post interesting shit, talk about things.
00:32:17.000And occasionally someone will fucking blow up or they get retarded, they get stupid, they get angry, they get aggro, they start fights.
00:32:23.000And so then we send them to the retard room.
00:32:25.000And we have a special room that's just for everyone in it has been deemed a retard.
00:37:04.000And she pulls her tits out, the fucking audience is going crazy, and he's sucking whipped cream off her tits, and then she pulls her cock out.
00:37:14.000And her cock is this wrinkled, shriveled up, little poisoned dick because it's a real dick.
00:37:20.000Like, she used to be a man, but she's been injecting herself with so many female hormones that her dick is like a dick that's been poisoned.
00:37:27.000It was like a monkey that got shot with a poisoned dart, which you would imagine his dick would look like.
00:37:32.000It was like dark and shriveled up, and then of course the lights going off like crazy.
00:42:54.000I think it's the same as any sport, basketball, well, any major sports, basketball, baseball, football, that you go into it going, like, I love playing, I want to make all-star, I want to make all-conference, you know, I think I can go to a big Division I school.
00:43:05.000In the back of your head, you're like, I want to play pro, I'm sure.
00:43:10.000It's just that, you know, the hardest thing about becoming a professional at anything difficult, like golf or, you know, whatever, playing football or any sport, is just saying, okay, this is what I'm going to do.
00:43:21.000Because you don't have a fucking backup plan if that's what you're going to do.
00:43:27.000The guy who just makes ties, get on a tour, let's go to Q School, scratch off a fucking, you know, eighth place finish on a Best Buy tour for eight grand.
00:46:22.000Yeah, and if it feels good, and as you're closing your eyes and doing like this, if you can feel something that feels like skin, you're like, oh, even better.
00:53:52.000Dude, my brain has gotten past the part where I could just tell.
00:53:57.000Cheaters has been on the air for nine years now documenting scorned lovers confronting their cheating partners Go to the Inside Edition website.
00:54:18.000I'm always a little weirded out by reality-blurred websites if those are just made up or not.
00:57:49.000Yeah, so he was recruited by the CIA through the Jordanians, and they're like, no, the Jordanians never got him back, or I don't know what the story was.
00:57:55.000I can't, I'm so hot I can't even type.
00:58:06.000I'm Googling the CIA suicide bomber news ticker.
00:58:10.000This is some crazy shit, ladies and gentlemen.
00:58:54.000Well, he was working for the CIA, pretending to be a CIA, and also working for, I guess, Al-Qaeda, or the Taliban, or whoever the hell it is, who sent him to blow everybody up.
00:59:29.000A suicide bomber who killed seven central intelligence agency operatives in Afghanistan last week was a Jordanian double agent who lured them into a meeting by promising information on Al-Qaeda leaders, a former U.S. intelligence official said.
00:59:45.000So he lured them in and just blew himself up.
00:59:50.000He got them to come to him, he's going to give them some information, and they're all in the room and he just went BOOM! The bomber had been arrested more than a year ago by Jordanian authorities who thought they had convinced him to work for them.
01:00:02.000So the Jordanians thought they had gotten him to work for the Jordanians.
01:01:33.000It's cool when there's like life all around you too.
01:01:35.000When you're at home and you're anywhere you go there's something going on like a creature's like trying to create something or do something.
01:03:42.000You know what's more possible when you watch these videos?
01:03:45.000These ancient alien videos where they talk about these ancient structures and what technology put these together?
01:03:51.000I think if you just look around at the evidence, there's not that much evidence that aliens have landed, but there's a lot of evidence that life on this planet has been fucking seriously jacked at least three or four times.
01:04:03.000Like big ones that we know about, like mass extinctions.
01:04:06.000You know, that's just mass extinctions.
01:04:11.000Is the call coming from inside the house?
01:05:11.000Copyright law, I think, because the UFC is threatening to sue all these people that take illegal downloads of the UFC. They're just threatening.
01:05:22.000Yeah, they're just going through those phases.
01:05:24.000Well, they're talking about putting people in jail.
01:05:25.000Yeah, and the threat of that is enough to get most people to stop.
01:05:28.000They're going to make some examples and stuff.
01:05:29.000They're going to throw some people in jail.
01:05:30.000That's what the L.A. guy said about pot stores, the L.A. sheriff, whatever.
01:05:35.000They're like, you're going to shut down all 900?
01:05:57.000There's a lot of people deciding how to interpret that law.
01:06:00.000You know, the interesting thing is it's moving along.
01:06:03.000There's, on Tuesday the 12th, there's some vote in California, it's on the message board, where they're talking about trying to vote to move towards legalizing it.
01:06:30.000I'm like, at the very least, it'll be good for the consciousness of the country.
01:06:33.000They'll have a leader, they'll have someone to look up to that's more peaceful and has their shit together more, can speak better and is black and has been through a rough childhood and everything.
01:06:43.000But he's doing the same shit that they all do.
01:07:22.000And it's like now, it's like once you start bullying someone and you start pushing them, once they go down, you've got to keep pushing them.
01:07:29.000You know, that's what's going on right now.
01:07:32.000No fuck you, you've got to keep them down.
01:07:33.000Because if they rise up, and they don't get something to eat, and they take a nap, and they come back refreshed, they're going to punch you in the fucking face, you know?
01:07:40.000You're going to walk out of a restaurant, and that guy's going to be right there.
01:07:42.000Hey, I want to talk about what we had to talk about earlier.
01:07:44.000I heard this thing at NPR, the people that are being released now and sent to Yemen, and they're worried about them reintegrating.
01:07:51.000But they said, the problem is, no one will give them jobs there, because they're like, ugh, whatever, and they're becoming disillusioned.
01:07:58.000And leaning on people like Al-Qaeda and saying, oh, well, help me.
01:08:01.000It's like they're newly being recruited.
01:08:02.000Like, maybe they were wrongly accused before, but it's like...
01:08:56.000California Assembly will hold a historic vote on statewide marijuana policy.
01:09:00.000Members of the Public Safety Committee will decide on Assembly Bill 390, the Marijuana Control, Regulation, and Education Act, which seeks to regulate and control the production...
01:09:14.000Distribution and personal use of marijuana for adults aged 20 or older.
01:09:17.000The problem is all these things are just wide open, so it's really open to interpretation.
01:09:21.000You know, no cash sales, no, it's like, what else is being, and then they really want to narrow it down now.
01:10:22.000And you go, yes, I was selling marijuana under the assumption that it was legal because Proposition 250. They don't want to hear a fucking word of that.
01:12:15.000The webcam shows were just blurry pictures of fucked up girls showing you their pussy and you had to be in their membership to get that, right?
01:12:24.000Those bitches went out of business with the internet.
01:12:26.000They blossomed those cam girls, but then that shit just rotted on the vine.
01:12:31.000I miss that though, because you remember when you used to have like that one cam girl, and it would be like a whole group of people that were all just like, look at this, she's going to, you know.
01:12:39.000Well, you know who's really cool is that crazy Amber chick.
01:13:26.000If you go to Google and type in internet history, there's a thing that comes up called the Wayback Machine.
01:13:31.000You can type in your website and see what it looked like back in 1985. Isn't that incredible?
01:13:37.000Google is fucking, we were just talking about this, me and my tech friend that wires my house, he was like, Google is like, they have so much power.
01:13:46.000It's almost like, if Google were evil, we wouldn't even see them coming, and they document everything.
01:13:53.000If there's an artificial intelligence out there, it's Google.
01:14:07.000They do what your house looks like from space.
01:14:09.000I think Longitude is the scariest one.
01:14:11.000The one where it just tracks where you are throughout the whole day so you can look at it and see like, oh, I was here, here, here the whole day.
01:14:18.000And it records that information, puts it in some kind of database to see where people are going, you know.
01:15:20.000Please do not boycott Google because of these idiots.
01:15:23.000What if they sat down and looked at the trends that humanity is participating in, like look where things are going technologically and said, you know what?
01:15:32.000And they got the best scientists on it and they said, this is where we think things are going.
01:15:36.000We think things are going to an online-based email service so you can access it from multiple ports.
01:17:33.000I got Terminator, Beauty and the Beast.
01:17:35.000It can't be better visual quality than Blu-ray though.
01:17:39.000It's not better than Blu-ray, but it was better than CD. It's kind of like how records were better than CD. But it's better than DVD, image-wise?
01:18:25.000What do I think of Coast to Coast with Art Bell?
01:18:27.000That's the greatest fucking radio show in the history of the universe, man.
01:18:31.000Every now and then they get some lame psychic on talking stupid shit, but for the most part it's all people that knew Bigfoot and dudes who used to be werewolves but they got cured.
01:18:42.000By the way, if you want to know more about what they were talking about, go to Ask Jeeves and enter Google Conspiracies and the first link will tell you all about it.
01:18:50.000Oh, there's a conspiracy site about it?
01:20:24.000But the idea that it was some gigantic fucking conspiracy that thousands and thousands of people were in on, I'm not sure that a few people didn't know that something was going to happen.
01:20:33.000But the idea that this many people had to be together and put...
01:21:05.000Why did your girl put Lady Gaga on your fucking cell?
01:21:08.000Because my phone connects to my car, so when we get in the car, it's kind of like our jukebox, and so she throws music on my phone all the time.
01:26:34.000I like the old V. I would not watch the new V. Fuck the new V. This guy wants to know, this DA78 fella, he wants to know, who do you think is better in bed, Oprah or Hillary Clinton?
01:27:30.000Maybe she's so powerful that the testosterone that she has from having like a billion dollars, the surge of power that she has, maybe it just made her just want to dominate some bitches.
01:27:40.000Maybe she doesn't even, maybe Oprah only gets them to eat her pussy.
01:30:00.000And it came out just like Tiger Woods is coming out that he's a freak and he's married with children but he's really banging like 16 different chicks at the same time.
01:30:07.000What if it came out that Oprah Winfrey is this crazy bitch?
01:30:10.000That just has all these young girls eat their pussy.
01:35:00.000He puts me in front of him on his sold-out shows, and I'm like a noob trying to do comedy, but you get spoiled, and then you have to go to, when you go back to L.A., you go in front of three other comics, and he spent four hours a day just so you can have, you know...
01:39:39.000He does all the videos for me and for my website.
01:39:45.000It's like one of the things we do when we go on these shows and we travel to all these different towns.
01:39:53.000One of the things we do is a lot of funny shit happens and we film it and Brian takes all that funny shit and has to watch 9 hours of bullshit to get 10 minutes of awesomeness.
01:40:05.000And so 10 minutes of, you know, fun and with the right music and the right editing and he just makes these cool ass videos.
01:40:11.000I just heard some director talking about, he shot this movie with Julia Moore in 21 days and the editing took 5 months.
01:40:17.000He thought it would take, they said 10 to 12 weeks, he goes, I'll finish it in 5 to 7. It took 5 months.
01:40:29.000Shit, I hate dealing with just the music because I make my videos around music, but then if I pick a song that will get me banned off YouTube and off all these websites, then it fucks.
01:40:39.000So then you have to try to do it with your own music or make your own kind of shit.
01:40:44.000And then you lose the creativity part because you're working with bullshit instead of working with Led Zeppelin.
01:41:08.000The music was so important to all that shit.
01:41:12.000It's all that Rolling Stone shit, you know?
01:41:15.000I mean, it was like, that made the vibe of it.
01:41:18.000Well, not to mention at the end, when he's picking up his mail or whatever, or the newspaper, and they have, we did it my way, by Sid Vicious, or whatever.
01:42:16.000What's weird was every now and then a guy gets through and is huge.
01:42:20.000Like there's that guy, I think his name is Tiesto.
01:42:23.000He's a gigantic DJ. And these people were telling me, this dude was telling me that he went to a Tiesto concert on New Year's and it was like this big thing.
01:42:32.000I think he did it in South America and he said it was insane.
01:43:59.000Like, if you go to Party Ben or what's that other dude's Girl Talk, if you go download some of their music, they take some really good songs, but man, you listen to them mixed up and stuff, you're like, I actually like that better than, like...
01:44:11.000Well, that's what everybody says about, like, Quentin Tarantino, right?
01:44:13.000That his themes are all stories from, like, other movies, like older Japanese movies.
01:44:18.000But he makes them fucking badass, you know?
01:44:21.000That's an interesting little fine line there.
01:46:57.000I would take these crazy Beyond Bomb, that was the name of the company that would make them lollipops, and I'd eat one of those before I would do Fear Factor, and I'd be blitzkrieg to the point where I couldn't remember what I was talking about ten seconds ago.
01:47:13.000But it made it so much more interesting.
01:47:14.000It's fun to watch Fear Factor now knowing that, though, because all the episodes you can tell your eyes are all glazed over and you're just like, oh my god, you're going to eat!
01:47:21.000It must be so windy and elegenic out there.
01:47:24.000The producers knew it and liked the fact that I did it because it made me more relaxed and funnier.
01:47:29.000There were so many aggro douchebags on that show.
01:47:31.000I'm sure two of the producers must have worked with so many aggro douchebags over the years.
01:51:24.000You know, his stuff is like, he'll go someplace, and he'll take a premise that, like, you would think, like, maybe you would, like, think about, like, maybe I'll talk about this on stage, and then you go, eh, it's not funny enough.
01:52:30.000I think what Ustream's thinking, if that's who's doing it, I think Ustream's thinking if there's a ton of people that do the hashtag, then it'll show up as a trending topic.
02:02:12.000Send them people that are going to go there and tell you that we wouldn't have to come here 5,000 miles with your food if you people live where the food is!
02:03:28.000There was a young comedian special where you see Sager was on and a couple other guys, Nelson or whatever his kind of name was, and it was like, whatever, that's that type of comedy.
02:03:35.000And you see him come on and you're like, oh, it's all going to be that from now on.
02:05:08.000Like, if Mitch Hedberg was trying to do his act like Kinison, that would be crazy.
02:05:12.000But if Kinison was trying to do his act like Mitch Hedberg, like, what?
02:05:15.000I wonder if there's any footage of old, old Mitch Hedberg right when he's starting to open mics when he's trying to do, like, normal boy comedy.
02:08:33.000That's probably why they're doing ONA. They'll take a call, they'll deal with it for a while, and they'll go off until they're ready for another caller.
02:09:33.000Next week's show, we'll have a bunch of fun shit.
02:09:36.000Yeah, what we're going to do is we're going to keep doing this every week, and we're going to, like, it's going to expand, and eventually, I think eventually the internet is going to make its way into your car.
02:09:45.000That's what I think is going to happen.
02:09:46.000I think the internet would podcast and stuff like that.
02:10:06.000What's really good about any sort of a television show is the money, A, and the fact that people now come out to see your stand-up, which is what we're always trying to work on.
02:10:15.000You know, I mean, if you've never seen Ari, Ari's fucking hilarious.
02:10:19.000There's a lot of dudes that are out there that are headlining these big clubs that, in my opinion, they're not as developed as Ari is.
02:10:26.000They're not as funny as Ari is, but Ari doesn't have that many credits.
02:13:06.000But anyway, we're always trying to do something fun where we could all do it together and just hang out and shoot the shit because we have these conversations sometimes and we say, man, you know, this is way more fun than like...
02:14:22.000It has nothing to do with my old stopping routes.
02:14:24.000Ari's been saying he really would like a blowjob.
02:14:26.000A return show in D.C. It's a way we can honor our new president, Barack Obama.
02:14:34.000And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much for tuning in to our little YouTube, or excuse me, Ustream, Ustream show, and we'll see you next week.
02:14:43.000Eventually, we'll have a regular time that we try to adhere to every week, and it might move around a little bit, but for the most part, it'll be like around now, like Wednesday afternoon.
02:14:52.000Possibly Tuesday if we have something out.