The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #31 -- Mayhem Miller

00:00:00.000 Zam, ladies and gentlemen, we are live, goddammit.

00:00:04.000 We are live with the man, Jason Mayhem Miller.

00:00:07.000 Yes, I am.

00:00:07.000 Of Strikeforce fame.

00:00:09.000 Of Bully Beatdown fame.

00:00:10.000 Of Bully Beatdown fame, for sure, man.

00:00:12.000 I can't go anywhere.

00:00:13.000 Well, of Strikeforce fame, too, man. 0.99

00:00:14.000 You fought for the fucking title. 0.99

00:00:15.000 Yeah, it's true. 0.99

00:00:16.000 But, you know, like, Strikeforce is in the process of building.

00:00:19.000 Like, I can feel them, like, getting the ball rolling.

00:00:22.000 Before we even talk, we have to thank our sponsor.

00:00:25.000 We're sponsored by the Fleshlight.

00:00:26.000 I'll be taking all my... 0.72

00:00:28.000 That's the butthole version.

00:00:30.000 I think that's...

00:00:31.000 What other version is there, Joe?

00:00:33.000 There's a mouth version and a vajayjay version.

00:00:36.000 Now, do the mouths come in different races? 0.98

00:00:38.000 Dude, that's a fucking excellent point because I was saying, how come there's no black ones? 1.00

00:00:42.000 Because all the vaginas are pink. 1.00

00:00:44.000 If you go to the website, we've got to talk to them about that. 0.97

00:00:46.000 And the funny thing is the dude who hooked us up, the dude who started this whole deal, our friend Chris, seems like he's of mixed heritage, right?

00:00:54.000 Doesn't he?

00:00:54.000 He seems like he's got a bunch of things going on.

00:00:56.000 A little bit of black, a little bit of white.

00:00:58.000 Someone's had some...

00:01:00.000 Black something somewhere along the line. 0.87

00:01:01.000 Let's represent.

00:01:02.000 He's a spiritual traveler.

00:01:03.000 You can tell by just talking to that guy.

00:01:05.000 He's a cool dude. 1.00

00:01:06.000 I can't believe he doesn't have Indian dick. 1.00

00:01:08.000 We're going to have him on the podcast if he'll do it. 0.99

00:01:11.000 I like that guy a lot.

00:01:12.000 Wait, who actually makes the molds of... 1.00

00:01:14.000 Well, they make them out of girls' vaginas. 1.00

00:01:16.000 Like porno stars. 1.00

00:01:17.000 They literally mold their vagina. 1.00

00:01:19.000 Like the outsiders. 1.00

00:01:20.000 They stick a flashlight up in her and take a mold of it.

00:01:22.000 I guess they put something on it, and they make an impression of it. 0.99

00:01:27.000 Yeah, but not every one of those is an official vagina. 1.00

00:01:30.000 Or maybe there's just some fat chick who's got her vagina. 1.00

00:01:33.000 She's like some designer. 1.00

00:01:34.000 She went to art school for three years, and then she goes, puts the stuff on there.

00:01:39.000 Now everybody will get some of this. 0.78

00:01:40.000 My point about the flesh hat has always been it does not have to look like a vagina because I'm not looking at it. 1.00

00:01:45.000 I'm just shoving it on my dick. 1.00

00:01:46.000 You know what? 1.00

00:01:47.000 I got a free fake vagina one time. 1.00

00:01:49.000 Right, but you stare at it while you're fucking it like, wow, that looks like a real vagina. 1.00

00:01:53.000 There's no way you're going to be turned on. 1.00

00:01:54.000 If it was a real vagina, okay, why is it by itself? 1.00

00:01:57.000 Where is its fucking body? 1.00

00:01:59.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:01:59.000 That's creepy. 1.00

00:02:00.000 If you're just fucking a vagina like someone took an apple cord or some chick and just... 1.00

00:02:05.000 Pulled it off, and that's what you're banging? 1.00

00:02:06.000 We're talking personality-wise. 1.00

00:02:07.000 Most chicks that I've ever dated are pretty much just a vagina. 1.00

00:02:11.000 I just see that part only. 0.99

00:02:13.000 Oh, you've had some cool chicks. 1.00

00:02:14.000 Well, yeah, that's true, but I've gone through a rash of psychopaths.

00:02:18.000 Well, that's the lifestyle, though.

00:02:21.000 That's how you're living. 1.00

00:02:22.000 You're a fucking wild man, like professional. 1.00

00:02:24.000 There's a lot of people out there claiming wild men. 1.00

00:02:27.000 Jason Mayhem Miller is a real fucking wild man, right? 0.99

00:02:29.000 I can't help it. 1.00

00:02:30.000 Just shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:02:31.000 You're talking about a dude who, as long as I've known him, has been living in hotels. 1.00

00:02:35.000 He doesn't even... 1.00

00:02:36.000 He's just got a fucking house. 1.00

00:02:37.000 Now he has to because he's a goddamn TV star. 1.00

00:02:39.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

00:02:40.000 Well, I have to just because I feel like when you're...

00:02:43.000 I'm damn near 30. I better buy a house.

00:02:46.000 Well, you're a TV star now, man.

00:02:48.000 You're a legit TV star. 0.92

00:02:50.000 You're the host of Bully Fucking Beatdown. 0.96

00:02:52.000 That's true. 0.98

00:02:53.000 That's a giant show, man. 1.00

00:02:54.000 That is a popular fucking show. 0.99

00:02:55.000 That should turn into a cultural thing. 1.00

00:02:56.000 I'm just waiting to get made fun of.

00:02:58.000 I'm like, please, somebody Saturday Night Live, something, make fun of this.

00:03:02.000 It'll happen.

00:03:03.000 It'll happen.

00:03:04.000 It should.

00:03:04.000 I mean, look, they can do that to Anthony Bourdain.

00:03:07.000 They can do that to you.

00:03:08.000 Do you go to any MTV parties where you have to hang out with the Hills?

00:03:11.000 Not really.

00:03:11.000 Nah, yo, nah.

00:03:13.000 They don't let me around those guys.

00:03:15.000 And they separate me from Jersey Shore dudes.

00:03:17.000 I really think they're afraid.

00:03:18.000 They separate you, but you might smack them around.

00:03:20.000 Yeah, I might be like, ah, and then I'll just ruin my career because I'll be beating up Spencer Pratt.

00:03:24.000 This is the thing about Mayhem.

00:03:26.000 I've known Mayhem for a long time now, and Mayhem is one of the coolest guys I've ever met.

00:03:30.000 He's a down dude.

00:03:32.000 He's totally straight.

00:03:33.000 You never know.

00:03:35.000 There's no guessing where you're coming from with Mayhem.

00:03:37.000 But, that said, homie's got a switch. 0.89

00:03:41.000 And every now and then, he just decides to hit it.

00:03:45.000 Skybar.

00:03:46.000 This is exactly what I was talking about.

00:03:47.000 We got to talk about this.

00:03:48.000 We were at the Skybar.

00:03:49.000 This is classic mayhem.

00:03:50.000 And granted, this is years ago before he had matured.

00:03:53.000 You were very young back then.

00:03:54.000 No, you know what it was?

00:03:55.000 I got bored so easily. 0.61

00:03:58.000 Well, you get crazy.

00:03:59.000 You get hyped.

00:04:00.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

00:04:01.000 That's what makes you a great fighter. 0.99

00:04:04.000 We're at the Sky Bar and we're just having a good fucking time. 0.99

00:04:07.000 We got a buzz on. 0.99

00:04:08.000 We're laughing and telling jokes.

00:04:10.000 It's like Mayhem and Brian is there and Ari is there.

00:04:14.000 No, it's just me and you and Mayhem.

00:04:15.000 I think there was one other guy.

00:04:17.000 Ari wasn't there? 0.99

00:04:17.000 Me and you hid around the corner and was like, oh my god, what the fuck happened? 0.99

00:04:20.000 I thought we had one other dude with us. 0.91

00:04:21.000 You sure?

00:04:22.000 Ari wasn't there?

00:04:23.000 No, no.

00:04:24.000 It was me and you.

00:04:24.000 Okay, anyway, bottom line is, okay, say it's all just us three.

00:04:27.000 So we're having a great time, laughing our asses off, and Mayhem gets hyped and decides to skydive on this bed filled with people drinking.

00:04:36.000 These people, they have these, like, the way sky bar is pretty dope.

00:04:39.000 Wine.

00:04:39.000 It's got this killer view, right?

00:04:41.000 It's at the Mondrian.

00:04:41.000 It's got this killer view, and they have these beds laying around.

00:04:44.000 And people just chill on these beds, and they lie down and drink.

00:04:47.000 Well, these people are just lying down, feet up, hard day at work, you know what I'm saying?

00:04:52.000 All girls, all girls, all girls. 0.99

00:04:54.000 Let me tell a story, okay?

00:04:55.000 You got the basics.

00:04:57.000 Rogan told his version.

00:04:58.000 Here's my version in my head, okay?

00:05:00.000 I'm standing there.

00:05:02.000 We already been to the Skyboard the day before.

00:05:04.000 I went with you the day before, and I had a blast.

00:05:07.000 It was like, girl, this time...

00:05:09.000 It was like some people there, but it wasn't popping off, right?

00:05:12.000 We were talking about having a good time, but it wasn't like the Hollywood party that you imagined, right?

00:05:19.000 And I'd never been to Hollywood.

00:05:20.000 That was like my first time, okay?

00:05:22.000 So I wanted the Hollywood party. 0.99

00:05:24.000 I was like, where's all the hot bitches? 1.00

00:05:26.000 What is this? 0.99

00:05:28.000 But you guys are used to it, so you were like, whatever.

00:05:31.000 Me, I was getting bored.

00:05:33.000 Like, I was like, man, where's the chicks? 0.97

00:05:34.000 Yesterday, I was talking to chicks. 0.97

00:05:36.000 And then I'm looking around, I'm like...

00:05:37.000 And then, as I'm looking around, there's a lull in our conversation.

00:05:41.000 And I look over, and there's a hot chick. 1.00

00:05:44.000 And she's looking at me from the bench.

00:05:46.000 Now, be it...

00:05:48.000 I was on the second level of this little area, and we're sitting there talking.

00:05:52.000 There's a lull in our conversation.

00:05:54.000 I look back at that chick. 1.00

00:05:55.000 She was smiling.

00:05:56.000 Something in my head said.

00:05:58.000 Jason, she wants you to jump on there.

00:06:01.000 Now, I have extensive experience jumping on a couch.

00:06:04.000 I had a little sister all growing up.

00:06:05.000 I could run and jump perfect and land perfect on the couch. 0.97

00:06:09.000 As I ran and jumped in midair, I went, damn, this is a bad idea. 0.93

00:06:17.000 Like, why did I do this? 0.98

00:06:18.000 But too late.

00:06:20.000 I could not take it back.

00:06:21.000 So I jumped and smashed into all these hot chicks, like model chicks, like a bunch of rich dudes wearing Rolexes. 1.00

00:06:28.000 One guy with spiky hair.

00:06:30.000 He had the faux hawk before people had faux hawks.

00:06:32.000 And I smashed it, knocked the drinks everywhere, and whatever.

00:06:36.000 And man, I popped up like Bruce Lee, like jumped back up like, whoa! 1.00

00:06:40.000 And I was like, that was stupid. 0.98

00:06:41.000 And I saw the bouncers running, and I just went, I know, I know, I'm sorry, I know, I know. 1.00

00:06:46.000 And then, so this is my first Hollywood thing, and I was hanging out with the famous Joe Rogan, and I was like, damn, Joe Rogan's gonna hate me, man. 0.97

00:06:53.000 Joe Rogan's gonna hate me. 0.96

00:06:55.000 My phone rang, and I saw Joe Rogan, and I was like, oh, God!

00:07:00.000 I answered the phone and he's like, you were laughing so hard that I was like, oh, cool, it's cool.

00:07:07.000 That was awesome! 0.99

00:07:09.000 You've got to know the difference between someone who's capable of doing crazy shit but is a cool dude and someone who's just fucking crazy and annoying. 0.98

00:07:17.000 There's a huge difference. 1.00

00:07:19.000 And you're just a dude who's a cool dude who will do some crazy shit. 0.86

00:07:22.000 But you get labeled in with the other group all the time. 0.85

00:07:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:26.000 Underestimated, in my opinion, you know, and it was really funny, as a fighter as well, the EA game, they put you at a really low skill level.

00:07:34.000 Really? 0.98

00:07:35.000 And it was a fucking hilarious video. 0.99

00:07:38.000 No, no, no, that's on the internet. 0.98

00:07:39.000 There's a hilarious video of him on the internet punking the EA guys. 0.83

00:07:44.000 He pretends that he's fucking pissed off because they put him at a low level of skill. 0.97

00:07:47.000 No way. 0.99

00:07:48.000 He looks so good.

00:07:49.000 Never saw that.

00:07:50.000 Dude, it's so good.

00:07:51.000 Find it on YouTube.

00:07:53.000 Google it.

00:07:53.000 What is it?

00:07:54.000 Do you know the name of the video?

00:07:55.000 I don't know.

00:07:55.000 Oh, just Mayhem, EA Sports.

00:07:58.000 Mayhem, Freak Out, or whatever.

00:07:59.000 Mayhem, Freak Out, something like that.

00:08:00.000 It's on the message board, too.

00:08:02.000 Okay, here it is.

00:08:03.000 I don't know, half a million views or something.

00:08:05.000 Super quick.

00:08:05.000 I don't know, half a million views or something.

00:08:07.000 Super quick.

00:08:08.000 Here it is.

00:08:09.000 I don't know, half a million views or something.

00:08:10.000 Super quick.

00:08:10.000 Here it is.

00:08:10.000 I don't know.

00:08:17.000 Just talk us through this for the people.

00:08:18.000 A lot of people just listen to this on iTunes.

00:08:21.000 This is just the setup whole deal.

00:08:22.000 We went to EA Sports.

00:08:23.000 We went to EA Sports and it was like a dope, like, cool.

00:08:27.000 They had a ball hit in the middle of the joint.

00:08:30.000 Actually, this developer is in on this joke.

00:08:34.000 Oh, okay.

00:08:35.000 So people knew what you were doing. 0.98

00:08:36.000 So if you notice in this video, he gets fucking slapped around a little bit. 0.98

00:08:42.000 Here he goes. 0.99

00:08:42.000 Now he starts realizing. 0.99

00:08:45.000 He's realizing his character's a low skill level now.

00:08:50.000 Watch the acting.

00:08:52.000 Watch the acting.

00:08:54.000 Watch the build-up.

00:09:04.000 Tell him what's wrong.

00:09:05.000 It's not a big deal, it's a video game. 1.00

00:09:07.000 No, no, no, go back to my shit! 1.00

00:09:09.000 Yo, no, it's fucking bullshit, man! 1.00

00:09:11.000 No, man, you're fucking, that's what you think? 1.00

00:09:14.000 That's what you fucking think? 1.00

00:09:15.000 You're fucking laughing? 1.00

00:09:16.000 You think it's fucked? 1.00

00:09:17.000 Hey, motherfucker! 1.00

00:09:18.000 - Hey, man! 1.00

00:09:19.000 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1.00

00:09:20.000 - What the fuck? 1.00

00:09:21.000 - No! - I was calling that guy third street. 1.00

00:09:24.000 - Man, you the fuck told me to fucking do this shit. - I'm in my coach. 1.00

00:09:27.000 - Yo, you the fuck told me to do this? 0.99

00:09:29.000 - No disrespect, no disrespect. 0.99

00:09:31.000 I'm just with you.

00:09:32.000 - Yeah! - There was one, okay, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

00:09:38.000 - There was this one dude who was talking who was really, he sounded really freaked out.

00:09:44.000 When you got violent and physical, he wasn't in on it.

00:09:46.000 No, no.

00:09:47.000 Oh, my bad.

00:09:48.000 No, no, he wasn't in on it.

00:09:49.000 Because that was real.

00:09:51.000 The whole floor of people came to the door and everyone was acting like they were going to do something.

00:09:57.000 I'm like, whoa!

00:09:58.000 Listen to that guy's voice.

00:09:59.000 Can you rewind it to that one spot where that one guy wigs? 1.00

00:10:02.000 This guy, this is some primal shit, dude. 0.99

00:10:05.000 You gotta listen to his voice, the terror in his voice. 1.00

00:10:12.000 What's wrong? 0.97

00:10:14.000 Yo, who's in charge of this f***ing thing, man? 0.97

00:10:16.000 Tell him what's wrong. 0.94

00:10:18.000 It's a big deal, it's a video game.

00:10:20.000 Listen for the dude. 0.99

00:10:21.000 No, no, no, go back to my s***. 1.00

00:10:22.000 Yo, no, it's f***ing bullshit, man. 1.00

00:10:25.000 No, man, you're f***ing, that's what you think? 1.00

00:10:27.000 That's what you f***ing think? 0.99

00:10:28.000 You're f***ing laughing? 0.99

00:10:29.000 You think it's f***? 1.00

00:10:30.000 Hey, mother f***er. 1.00

00:10:31.000 Hey, man. 1.00

00:10:32.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:10:33.000 That guy!

00:10:34.000 That guy!

00:10:35.000 That guy sounds like a dude who's getting attacked by a bear.

00:10:39.000 Scared, yeah.

00:10:39.000 Well, you know, I mean...

00:10:40.000 And I never think about it, you know?

00:10:42.000 And I have no, like, fear of physical altercation.

00:10:45.000 Yeah, talking to him like...

00:10:45.000 Oh, sorry.

00:10:46.000 It was that bad?

00:10:46.000 Yeah.

00:10:46.000 I have no fear of physical altercation.

00:10:49.000 So, to me, like, I'm like...

00:10:50.000 Okay, whatever.

00:10:51.000 It's a dude.

00:10:52.000 And I don't really think about the consequences anyway.

00:10:55.000 I'm like, well, if I get beat up, I get beat up.

00:10:57.000 Did you think, well, the designer wasn't going to beat you up.

00:11:00.000 I mean, he wouldn't even attempt that because you're mad at him for that. 0.91

00:11:04.000 Like, yeah, you think my game sucks? 1.00

00:11:06.000 Fuck you! 1.00

00:11:07.000 Like, what, did you think he was going to attack you? 1.00

00:11:08.000 That's ridiculous. 0.99

00:11:09.000 No, no, no. 0.99

00:11:09.000 No, you had no dogs in that race. 0.99

00:11:12.000 No worries.

00:11:14.000 That was very funny, though.

00:11:16.000 That was very funny.

00:11:16.000 I'm glad you enjoyed my web video, Joe Rogan.

00:11:19.000 I enjoyed the shit out of it, Mayhem Miller. 0.98

00:11:22.000 I enjoyed the shit out of it. 0.98

00:11:23.000 Now, we can't have you on without talking about that Strikeforce brawl. 0.96

00:11:27.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:11:27.000 That is the most ridiculous shit I have ever seen on television ever. 1.00

00:11:31.000 This is one of the problems, and we talked about it on the show right after it happened, with organizations that they don't have enough experience yet. 1.00

00:11:39.000 There's little things they haven't covered.

00:11:40.000 Little things like watching the doors.

00:11:42.000 You can't just let anybody in.

00:11:44.000 And the UFC knows that, so they have people watching the doors.

00:11:46.000 Oh yeah, it's like trying to get into the cage of the UFC, man.

00:11:49.000 Yeah, but there's just like a little hole missing in their game.

00:11:53.000 And the hole missing was, you gotta watch the door.

00:11:55.000 You can't just let anybody in the cage. 1.00

00:11:57.000 They just fucked up. 0.99

00:11:58.000 Well, you know, and I thought it was an appropriate time to get in the case. 1.00

00:12:02.000 Oh, yeah, this is smart.

00:12:03.000 I'm like, yeah, for sure.

00:12:04.000 What's the worst that could happen?

00:12:05.000 Well, the worst that happened.

00:12:07.000 Well, it wouldn't have been bad.

00:12:10.000 It wouldn't have been bad.

00:12:11.000 What happened was you came in and you, like, interrupted in the middle of a speech.

00:12:16.000 Yeah.

00:12:17.000 Here's how that went.

00:12:18.000 He looked at you.

00:12:19.000 I saw what happened.

00:12:20.000 He looked at you, you guys made eye contact, and then you just went with it.

00:12:22.000 Yeah, well, because it was like awkward at that point, because I didn't mean to step into his frame, and then he looked back at me, and me and Shields kind of had made peace already, because we were both cutting weight at the same time, and we were in the same area, and we both were like, ugh, and we kind of looked at each other like, ugh.

00:12:40.000 Yeah, we're doing it again.

00:12:42.000 Like, what's up, dog?

00:12:43.000 Like that.

00:12:43.000 Like, we were like, all right, it's cool.

00:12:45.000 Yeah, you beat me in that last fight. 1.00

00:12:47.000 Give me another shot, and I'll, you know, I'll kick your ass next time. 1.00

00:12:50.000 You know, there's mutual respect. 1.00

00:12:51.000 I respect him.

00:12:52.000 He respects me.

00:12:53.000 And so we kind of made our peace, and at the weigh-in, we still were cool.

00:12:57.000 We're like, what up?

00:12:58.000 Then I won my fight and knocked the guy out, which this would make a lot more sense if on the video, I mean, on the CBS broadcast, they showed my fight, but they had five 25-minute fights and went over their time slot.

00:13:10.000 Yeah.

00:13:10.000 They went way, way, way, way over their time slot.

00:13:13.000 They went over by like over an hour, right?

00:13:15.000 Wow, an hour?

00:13:16.000 That's his bad planning right there.

00:13:18.000 Again, you know, they're just new at the MMA game. 0.99

00:13:23.000 It's a new thing for them.

00:13:24.000 Anyway, so I go in there, and I didn't mean to step in the frame.

00:13:28.000 I stepped in the frame.

00:13:29.000 Oh, whoops.

00:13:29.000 And he noticed me at that same moment.

00:13:31.000 I was like, well, I gotta talk now.

00:13:33.000 Right.

00:13:34.000 Because he asked me, well, you want your rematch now?

00:13:37.000 Oh, he said that?

00:13:37.000 He said that off the mic.

00:13:39.000 And I went, Yeah, where's my rematch, buddy?

00:13:42.000 Whoops, because then I just proceeded to get stocked and dogpiled.

00:13:47.000 And the funniest part is, imagine if I just won a fight and my camp was in there, okay?

00:13:54.000 My crew. 0.99

00:13:55.000 If we jumped on somebody, they would be fucking hurt. 0.99

00:14:00.000 I got up like, ha ha ha! 0.99

00:14:01.000 Oh my god!

00:14:02.000 I didn't even get hurt on that!

00:14:04.000 How did I not even get hurt?

00:14:05.000 I was shocked.

00:14:06.000 I didn't even have a scratch on me.

00:14:08.000 During the little scrim, I shot a double leg on somebody because I was like, man, let me just take someone to the ground and then I can probably get my way out of this.

00:14:17.000 Because I was thinking at this moment.

00:14:19.000 When you fight, and my adrenaline had already been pumped up earlier that night, I wasn't even hyped when that was happening.

00:14:26.000 I was like, whoa, oh my god.

00:14:27.000 And I get on the bottom of a dog pile and I'm like, oh, I'm getting jumped on national television right now. 0.99

00:14:33.000 You got kicked in the head.

00:14:33.000 And I didn't feel that.

00:14:35.000 And then as I'm thinking in my head, man, I'm getting jumped on national television. 1.00

00:14:41.000 The freaking idiot Gus Johnson goes, gentlemen, this is national television. 1.00

00:14:46.000 I'm like, ha ha, no shit! 1.00

00:14:48.000 Yeah, what's up with that dude? 1.00

00:14:50.000 That dude is like... 0.99

00:14:51.000 He's the best commentator in the fucking... 0.99

00:14:54.000 Hey, you're entitled to your opinion, sir. 0.99

00:14:57.000 You're damn right. 0.81

00:14:58.000 You know what? 0.93

00:14:59.000 Joe Rogan, got nothing. 0.99

00:15:00.000 Mike Chiavello, are you fucking kidding me? 0.99

00:15:02.000 That guy's Australian. 0.99

00:15:03.000 Gus Johnson, all day.

00:15:05.000 He sounds like a dude who's in a mold.

00:15:07.000 He just fits into a mold and starts talking like a sports guy.

00:15:12.000 I think mayhem just got me pregnant. 1.00

00:15:15.000 I wrote a preface for a book that's kind of like a college textbook.

00:15:24.000 It's a great book.

00:15:25.000 It's I can't remember.

00:15:27.000 About what?

00:15:28.000 Anyway, it's about the mentality of fighters, and he did case studies with all interviews.

00:15:33.000 Gus Johnson did this?

00:15:34.000 No, no, no.

00:15:35.000 Not Gus Johnson.

00:15:35.000 What are you talking about, son?

00:15:36.000 How's that guy going to write?

00:15:38.000 A friend of mine, he wrote this book.

00:15:41.000 What's the book called?

00:15:42.000 I don't know.

00:15:43.000 Wait a minute.

00:15:44.000 It's coming to me.

00:15:45.000 It's too complicated.

00:15:46.000 That's the problem.

00:15:47.000 If it was just like fighting or fighting in art.

00:15:51.000 It's actually a good book.

00:15:55.000 I don't know.

00:15:56.000 Look it up, Red Band.

00:15:57.000 You know how to do that.

00:15:57.000 I should write book in Google and what else?

00:16:02.000 Mayhem Preface.

00:16:04.000 I'm sure it's on Amazon or something like that.

00:16:06.000 Mayhem Preface is on Amazon?

00:16:08.000 You never know, man.

00:16:09.000 Anyway, I wrote this thing.

00:16:11.000 I wrote this thing at the beginning, and I drew the parallel.

00:16:16.000 Maskator.

00:16:17.000 Oh, is my cat in there, man?

00:16:19.000 Probably.

00:16:20.000 Hot Dog, come here.

00:16:21.000 We have technical difficulties with the wiener dog.

00:16:24.000 Come on, Hot Dog Dog.

00:16:25.000 Yeah, you got a...

00:16:26.000 My cat's in the room.

00:16:27.000 Everybody?

00:16:27.000 My cat's hiding in the closet, and the wiener dog found him.

00:16:30.000 Oh. 1.00

00:16:32.000 We got goddamn problems. 1.00

00:16:34.000 What kind of a fucking professional studio is this? 1.00

00:16:36.000 Yeah, but I had the... 0.99

00:16:37.000 Buddy, you can't go down there.

00:16:38.000 Come on, Gator.

00:16:39.000 Hey.

00:16:43.000 Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for this disturbance.

00:16:46.000 No, but I, you know, it's got to be a pretty big coincidence if he just...

00:16:52.000 Sorry, guys.

00:16:53.000 You know, turn my level up.

00:16:54.000 I like to yell.

00:16:55.000 Like this?

00:16:56.000 Yo, yo. 0.99

00:16:57.000 Check it out.

00:16:58.000 I'm on the Rogan Podcast, son.

00:17:00.000 This is how I hold it.

00:17:02.000 But, uh...

00:17:05.000 We are the whitest podcast on earth.

00:17:06.000 So anyway, for the people who haven't seen this, this is what happened.

00:17:08.000 What?

00:17:09.000 The fight is over.

00:17:11.000 There's a lot of people that...

00:17:12.000 Google number one for two days in a row. 0.99

00:17:15.000 There's people that listen to this podcast that don't know shit about MMA. Oh, my bad. 0.97

00:17:20.000 Most of the people that listen to this podcast, I would say probably 50% at least, are MMA fans.

00:17:25.000 Like Fear Factor?

00:17:25.000 I know.

00:17:25.000 I love it too.

00:17:26.000 No, no, no.

00:17:26.000 That's not what I'm saying.

00:17:27.000 Comedy fans.

00:17:27.000 They're more comedy fans.

00:17:29.000 I know.

00:17:29.000 People driving to work.

00:17:31.000 Just for the people who are not MMA fans, we just have to clean up.

00:17:35.000 Look, he's going there again.

00:17:36.000 Get her! 1.00

00:17:37.000 Get over here! 1.00

00:17:38.000 This is very distracting.

00:17:39.000 Anyway, sorry.

00:17:40.000 Why don't you guys talk for a second?

00:17:41.000 I'm going to shut this door.

00:17:42.000 Yeah, please.

00:17:42.000 Shut the door.

00:17:43.000 By the way, remember that couch story we were talking about at the Sky Bar?

00:17:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:17:46.000 That was like my first month in L.A. Oh, really?

00:17:49.000 And it was like my first time at an L.A. bar.

00:17:51.000 And then I meet you.

00:17:52.000 And then when that happened, I just remember it turned into bullet time where I just see girls... 1.00

00:17:56.000 Like fucking glasses of wine going everywhere. 0.99

00:17:59.000 I like to call that Saving Private Ryan vision. 1.00

00:18:02.000 Like you're like looking around, everything is black and white in slow motion.

00:18:05.000 Yeah, and then I ran around the corner and me and Joe hid from you.

00:18:08.000 Oh, good.

00:18:09.000 No, man, I knew it was going down in mid-air.

00:18:12.000 In mid-air. 1.00

00:18:13.000 I'm like, damn, I'm an idiot, man. 1.00

00:18:15.000 I do stupid shit all the time, but this is really stupid. 1.00

00:18:18.000 And I was like, man, I finally have a famous friend in my entire life, and I tell him to fuck off that quick. 1.00

00:18:24.000 Did you see Inception? 1.00

00:18:25.000 Oh, not yet.

00:18:26.000 Everybody says it's awesome.

00:18:27.000 You see it, Joe?

00:18:27.000 Hold on, we gotta keep talking.

00:18:28.000 Hold on a second.

00:18:29.000 Before we change gears.

00:18:29.000 I like that they know you're ready.

00:18:30.000 I'm gonna go see it tonight, though, for sure.

00:18:32.000 Do it.

00:18:33.000 We're not done talking about Stratford.

00:18:34.000 No, I know, because you know why?

00:18:35.000 Partially because at Red Band tweeted, like...

00:18:39.000 Man, he was stroking himself while he was writing this review.

00:18:42.000 Like, 140 characters of...

00:18:44.000 Oh, Inception!

00:18:45.000 Oh, God!

00:18:47.000 Okay, but before we get...

00:18:48.000 That's so rude.

00:18:49.000 We gotta go back to this little Strikeforce thing before your dog tried to kill my cat. 0.99

00:18:52.000 Sorry.

00:18:53.000 We had issues. 1.00

00:18:54.000 We got a fucking wild kingdom going on up in this bitch. 1.00

00:18:57.000 So, the Strikeforce thing. 0.99

00:18:59.000 So, for the people who haven't seen it, this is what happens.

00:19:01.000 One guy wins, and this guy who won, Jake Shields.

00:19:03.000 Mayhem and Jake Shields had fought in the past.

00:19:05.000 Very close decision.

00:19:06.000 As a matter of fact, at the end of the second round?

00:19:08.000 Was it the second or the third?

00:19:09.000 I don't know.

00:19:10.000 At the end of the second or the third, he had him locked up in a rear naked choke.

00:19:15.000 Homeboy was going to sleep.

00:19:16.000 Yeah, and the only reason I didn't hold him after the bell was because my last fight, I illegally kicked Jacare in his head.

00:19:22.000 And I was like, ooh, I don't want to get the... 0.99

00:19:25.000 Everybody hates me because I'm a dirty ass fighter, you know? 0.97

00:19:28.000 So I didn't even hold on to it beyond the bell because I was like, I'll get him in the next round. 0.99

00:19:32.000 He would have went to sleep.

00:19:32.000 He was a couple seconds away from going to sleep.

00:19:35.000 It was dead locked on.

00:19:37.000 Anyway, so the point is, they had a big, very close fight.

00:19:40.000 It was exciting and Mayhem doesn't feel like he did his best, which no fighter ever does.

00:19:45.000 No.

00:19:46.000 So he wanted to have this rematch.

00:19:47.000 So when Jake Shields won in a big victory over Dan Henderson, Mayhem says, well, this is a good way to hype this fight up.

00:19:53.000 This would be a big-name fight. 0.77

00:19:54.000 You know, I'm Mayhem Miller from MTV and Bully Beatdown, and we're on fucking CBS right now. 0.68

00:19:59.000 You know, I'm a famous MMA guy. 0.85

00:20:01.000 You're a famous MMA guy.

00:20:03.000 You just had a huge victory.

00:20:04.000 Let's make some money.

00:20:05.000 Yeah, that's good. 1.00

00:20:05.000 Let's make some fucking money. 1.00

00:20:06.000 Hell yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. 0.99

00:20:08.000 That's exactly what I was thinking. 1.00

00:20:08.000 Let's get fucking... 1.00

00:20:09.000 Come on, let's get crazy. 1.00

00:20:10.000 Come on, let's hype this up.

00:20:11.000 You're going to get mad at me?

00:20:12.000 But...

00:20:14.000 The problem is everybody took it street. 0.69

00:20:17.000 Everybody went goofy.

00:20:18.000 Like, come on, man. 0.99

00:20:19.000 You guys have to have some sort of an understanding that there's a certain amount of shit you should be able to talk before you throw down because it's good for business. 0.99

00:20:26.000 It's good for business. 0.99

00:20:28.000 What's not good for business is punting people in the head when you're down.

00:20:30.000 I understand where you're coming from.

00:20:32.000 You want to back up your boy, but you can't do that on TV. You've got to realize that a lot of this disrespect and this shit-talking, it's not real. 0.99

00:20:39.000 Yeah, it's manufactured a little bit. 0.99

00:20:42.000 A little bit. 1.00

00:20:43.000 Like I said, me and him are in the damn locker room. 1.00

00:20:46.000 We suffer together. 1.00

00:20:47.000 There's reality.

00:20:48.000 The reality is you know it was a great fight.

00:20:51.000 The reality is you know you would like to get back in there.

00:20:53.000 And the reality is you know you think you can beat him.

00:20:55.000 You came close to tapping him.

00:20:56.000 So there's a lot of real hype to it, but there's always respect. 0.99

00:21:00.000 Like, all the bullshit and the shit-talking and everything like that, what people have to understand is that makes you money. 1.00

00:21:06.000 That sells the fucking fights. 1.00

00:21:08.000 That's a big, big thing. 0.99

00:21:09.000 Like, Rashad and Rampage, man, if neither one of those guys said a word to each other, there wouldn't have been half the emotion.

00:21:14.000 It's two black guys fighting. 0.96

00:21:15.000 Who cares? 0.98

00:21:16.000 But I'm just saying, they hyped it up.

00:21:19.000 Yes, they made money.

00:21:20.000 And there are some realistic...

00:21:22.000 Yes. 1.00

00:21:22.000 There's some reality to it, but they kept this shit together. 1.00

00:21:25.000 They got so close on that Ultimate Fighter show, man, when they got in each other's face and they were touching noses. 0.99

00:21:30.000 You want me to tell a story?

00:21:31.000 In Australia, I'm friends with both guys.

00:21:34.000 I'm friends with both those dudes.

00:21:35.000 As am I. Because they're cool guys.

00:21:37.000 They're both great guys.

00:21:38.000 And I grew up with Rampage, basically. 0.99

00:21:40.000 When I moved to California in my damn van, I, like... 0.97

00:21:45.000 I lived in the parking lot down the street from his house and would drive to go pick him up to take him to another gym to train every day. 0.99

00:21:51.000 We hung out every day in which one conversation that he remembers, I went, man, you should be Mr. T on the A-team.

00:21:59.000 Wow. 1.00

00:21:59.000 And then he started spitting that, I pity the fool! 1.00

00:22:02.000 Like that, and I was like, oh my... 0.99

00:22:06.000 See?

00:22:06.000 I told you.

00:22:07.000 And then magic mayhem five, eight years later. 0.99

00:22:10.000 Dude, that's like some law of attraction type shit, son. 0.99

00:22:13.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

00:22:14.000 Anyway, maybe I'm just magic.

00:22:16.000 Joe Rogan. 0.92

00:22:17.000 Maybe he's just black. 1.00

00:22:18.000 You might be magic, dude. 0.97

00:22:19.000 Really?

00:22:19.000 Awesome.

00:22:20.000 Mayhem just blessed me. 0.99

00:22:22.000 I think I got some magic peachy dust on me and shit. 0.93

00:22:26.000 Anyway, so we're in Australia and those guys are both out there. 0.98

00:22:30.000 And I'm kind of kicking it with both of them going around to Australia's nightlife.

00:22:35.000 But I'm kind of hanging out more with Rampage.

00:22:37.000 I've known him for way longer and whatever.

00:22:39.000 And I haven't seen him.

00:22:41.000 We were catching up.

00:22:42.000 And anyway, suddenly I'm in the nightclub with some hot chicks. 1.00

00:22:48.000 I'm looking around like, wow, hot chicks. 1.00

00:22:49.000 Cool.

00:22:49.000 This is what life's supposed to be, right?

00:22:51.000 And security starts running past me.

00:22:55.000 And I'm like, Where's Rampage?

00:22:57.000 And I looked over at where Rashad was sitting.

00:22:59.000 Where's Rashad?

00:23:01.000 And I was like, dude, they're not here.

00:23:02.000 And those guys are running.

00:23:03.000 I run down to this little tiny hallway where the bathroom was.

00:23:08.000 And who's standing there face-to-face in this hallway that I can barely fit down?

00:23:13.000 They are face-to-face in this thing.

00:23:16.000 Just black guy talking like... 1.00

00:23:18.000 This is a motherfucker. 1.00

00:23:20.000 All I can hear is motherfuckers. 1.00

00:23:21.000 Treat me like a bitch. 1.00

00:23:24.000 Here we go. 1.00

00:23:25.000 I was like, oh, and dude, the security is like locked.

00:23:29.000 They know who these guys are.

00:23:31.000 They know what can go down right now. 1.00

00:23:33.000 They're just like, ah, ah, fuck. 1.00

00:23:35.000 Could you imagine being in security at a fucking club in Australia? 1.00

00:23:39.000 Especially in Sydney. 1.00

00:23:41.000 Sydney, people are cool as fuck. 0.98

00:23:43.000 You know, like, yeah, people are nice here. 0.93

00:23:44.000 How hard is it to be a bouncer?

00:23:46.000 You know, no big deal. 0.99

00:23:47.000 And then one day, two fucking cage fighters come in. 1.00

00:23:50.000 Savage cage fighters. 0.99

00:23:51.000 And one of the biggest rivalries in the history of the UFC. And these two guys are in each other's face in your bar.

00:23:56.000 And you gotta do something.

00:23:57.000 But yo, da-da-da-da, to the rescue.

00:23:59.000 I sprinted down in there, got in between them, and explained to them, in the language that I'm accustomed to, black guy. 0.64

00:24:06.000 Because I talk black guy, for sure. 0.54

00:24:07.000 Talk black guy? 0.82

00:24:08.000 Oh, for sure.

00:24:08.000 Will you give us an exact interpretation of what you said?

00:24:11.000 What do you mean, my normal black guy is just black guy?

00:24:13.000 My formative years were spent with all black guys.

00:24:18.000 From 12, well, I moved to a less black neighborhood when I was 12. And whatever, I still hung out with black kids because I was already used to that. 1.00

00:24:27.000 I was just like...

00:24:28.000 You know, that was just my normal guy.

00:24:30.000 What's it feel like?

00:24:32.000 You know what I mean?

00:24:33.000 Hey, get out of here. 1.00

00:24:34.000 So anyway, I get in these guys' face and I'm like, hey man, let's do this on TV, huh?

00:24:38.000 Why are you guys going to waste it right here?

00:24:40.000 Because of the international incident.

00:24:41.000 They kind of like broke off and kind of like laughed at the fact that I'm screaming about an international incident.

00:24:47.000 Right.

00:24:47.000 And...

00:24:49.000 Disaster averted.

00:24:50.000 But, like, they were serious.

00:24:52.000 Yeah, they were.

00:24:52.000 Like, I was like, you guys are really, because a couple drinks, these guys get fired up.

00:24:56.000 Well, the psychological advantage of not getting the other guy, you know, not backing down at all is so important to those guys, and they understand that. 0.98

00:25:04.000 I mean, it seems stupid, and I think it is kind of dumb, you know, but... 0.98

00:25:08.000 I understand it, 100%. 0.99

00:25:10.000 Look, when people get heated into each other's faces, especially with two guys that are about to fight, these little tiny battles are real. 0.98

00:25:20.000 These little tiny psychological battles, like who gets to tell who to go fuck themselves last? 0.94

00:25:24.000 Who gets to say the last word? 1.00

00:25:26.000 It's like, fuck, man. 1.00

00:25:27.000 We might be here all day. 1.00

00:25:28.000 I'm not going anywhere. 1.00

00:25:29.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:25:29.000 I don't get in that world, man. 1.00

00:25:31.000 I'm so not...

00:25:33.000 Why would you want to get yourself into that?

00:25:34.000 Well, it's true.

00:25:34.000 It's true.

00:25:35.000 But if you're a cage fighter, it's a different situation because psychological warfare, it's very important.

00:25:41.000 It's very important your mindset as opposed to where their mindset is when the fight starts. 0.99

00:25:46.000 You can fuck someone's head up in the pre-fight. 0.99

00:25:48.000 But there's a lot of fighters that are also believing just like, I love you no matter what, right? 0.99

00:25:52.000 That's all nice and good, but everybody's got their own style. 0.98

00:25:54.000 You can't hate on someone's shit-talking style because it really works, man. 1.00

00:25:57.000 There's some shit, man. 1.00

00:26:00.000 When you get inside someone's head and get them emotional and all riled up and start talking shit about their girlfriend... 1.00

00:26:05.000 Talking shit about their kids, talking shit about their life. 1.00

00:26:08.000 You start fucking... 1.00

00:26:09.000 And look, some people can take it. 1.00

00:26:11.000 Some people you talk shit on them and they think it's funny and it doesn't hurt them. 0.99

00:26:14.000 But some guys go crazy. 1.00

00:26:16.000 Look at fucking Frank Mir when Brock Lesnar got in Frank Mir's face. 1.00

00:26:19.000 After he beat the fuck out of him. 1.00

00:26:21.000 After he beat his fucking face into the ground to smash them. 1.00

00:26:25.000 Then he gets in his face. 1.00

00:26:26.000 Talk some fucking shit down! 1.00

00:26:28.000 Ha ha! 1.00

00:26:30.000 You used that for motivation, didn't you?

00:26:32.000 That was real, man.

00:26:33.000 That was a real anger. 0.98

00:26:35.000 That guy got fucking furious because of that. 0.98

00:26:38.000 It backfired on him, but it works on other guys, man. 0.99

00:26:41.000 What are you talking about, backfired?

00:26:44.000 Well, I mean...

00:26:45.000 You think that people got sad?

00:26:47.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:26:49.000 I mean, as far as his performance.

00:26:50.000 Brock's sad! 0.99

00:26:51.000 As far as his performance, all the shit-talking that Frank Mir did backfired. 0.99

00:26:54.000 Well, I just think that that shit-talking had nothing to do with it. 0.99

00:26:57.000 Brock was going to beat him. 1.00

00:26:58.000 He's just bigger and stronger.

00:26:59.000 He is bigger, stronger.

00:27:00.000 I agree, but what I'm saying is it didn't do any good.

00:27:02.000 It actually got him more of a beating.

00:27:04.000 Well, you know, he tried.

00:27:05.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:27:06.000 I mean, and he got really, he got, there was some real violence and anger behind it. 0.99

00:27:10.000 I'd rather the guy beat the shit out of me than fucking let me off easy, you know? 0.99

00:27:13.000 I want to, if I lost, I want to lose. 1.00

00:27:16.000 I don't want to like, oh, you hugged me into the damn mat. 0.99

00:27:19.000 I want to like. 0.99

00:27:19.000 Yeah, did you see the IFC, the Josh Barnett, Geronimo Dos Santos fight? 0.99

00:27:24.000 No, no, no, I didn't see it yet.

00:27:25.000 Big stoppage, man.

00:27:26.000 I mean, Josh Barnett was crushing him.

00:27:27.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:27:28.000 I mean, it's definitely just.

00:27:30.000 But I was thinking, like, wow, I don't know.

00:27:32.000 I think Brock Lesnar took more shots than this guy.

00:27:35.000 And the guy got up, and he was really pissed, and he protested. 0.99

00:27:38.000 He was like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:27:38.000 And granted, Barnett was killing him. 0.99

00:27:40.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:27:41.000 Barnett looked awesome. 0.97

00:27:42.000 I mean, Barnett's fucking solid. 0.99

00:27:44.000 Barnett's solid as fuck. 1.00

00:27:44.000 Here's the thing. 1.00

00:27:45.000 I love the officiating in the Lesnar fight.

00:27:48.000 Lesnar-Carwin.

00:27:48.000 Let him go, right?

00:27:49.000 He didn't know I'm a super-Carwin fan.

00:27:51.000 I love- Yeah, I am as well.

00:27:52.000 He's the best guy.

00:27:53.000 Look, I'm a fan of anybody who can win, and Brock Lesnar showed his character in coming back for that second round, but he took a lot of shots where I was looking at Big John, who I think is the best of the business.

00:28:03.000 I think Big John and Herb Dean are the very best.

00:28:05.000 But Big John stopped that fight in Australia, and I was like, I wonder who would have stopped the Lesnar fight.

00:28:10.000 People would have stopped it.

00:28:11.000 Yeah, I know.

00:28:12.000 Totally. 1.00

00:28:12.000 Josh Rosenthal is the shit. 1.00

00:28:14.000 That guy is one of the best. 1.00

00:28:16.000 Rosenthal.

00:28:16.000 He's the guy.

00:28:17.000 Rosenthal is the shit. 1.00

00:28:18.000 He's a real fan. 1.00

00:28:19.000 He trains.

00:28:20.000 He's a brown belt in jiu-jitsu.

00:28:21.000 What about Herb Dean? 1.00

00:28:22.000 Herb Dean is the shit. 1.00

00:28:24.000 He's my favorite. 1.00

00:28:24.000 Herb Dean is stellar. 1.00

00:28:26.000 Outstanding. 0.99

00:28:27.000 Coolest motherfucker on the planet, too. 0.99

00:28:28.000 Both guys are. 0.99

00:28:30.000 But I don't think either one of those guys would have stopped it.

00:28:32.000 Maybe Herb.

00:28:33.000 Herb might have stopped it.

00:28:34.000 No, I don't think he would have.

00:28:35.000 But somebody might have.

00:28:36.000 No one from the Matrix is going to stop that.

00:28:38.000 Eva Levine's a great referee, but he might have stopped it. 0.88

00:28:41.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:28:41.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:28:42.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:28:42.000 I mean, there's a few...

00:28:44.000 I mean, all I'm trying to get at is that on moments like that, you realize how important a referee really is.

00:28:49.000 Yeah.

00:28:49.000 Well, here's the thing is, I don't...

00:28:52.000 You know, I don't think it should have been stopped because he was taking a beating for sure, but if you look at the athlete's face, you have to, like, Pay attention to their facial expression.

00:29:01.000 If they don't look like they want out of there, why stop it?

00:29:05.000 I never once can remember. 0.99

00:29:08.000 I remember getting my ass kicked a couple times. 0.99

00:29:10.000 Getting kicked and I remember thinking, don't stop this fight. 0.99

00:29:14.000 Don't stop it.

00:29:15.000 I'm still here.

00:29:16.000 Don't worry.

00:29:16.000 I'm still here.

00:29:18.000 That's an extra thing to think about, right?

00:29:21.000 Well, yeah.

00:29:21.000 But I just know in my head, don't stop the fight.

00:29:24.000 Because I can tell in a couple fights I've been in... 0.99

00:29:27.000 Where I'm like getting my ass whooped. 0.99

00:29:28.000 I can tell. 1.00

00:29:29.000 I'm like, whoa, I'm getting my ass kicked right now. 0.98

00:29:31.000 I got to hurry up and get out of this situation. 0.98

00:29:34.000 But at the same time, I'm thinking, please don't stop the fight because I'm still here.

00:29:38.000 Have you talked to the Diaz brothers or Gilbert Melendez or anybody that was involved in the Strikeforce brawl?

00:29:43.000 Yeah, I talked to Melendez.

00:29:44.000 And he's cool.

00:29:46.000 Me and Melendez have been cool and buddies.

00:29:48.000 And I was actually kind of friends with Nate Diaz despite me and Nick never getting along.

00:29:53.000 Do you think you guys can all squash, oh, you don't get along with Nick? 1.00

00:29:56.000 Man, fuck Nick Diaz. 1.00

00:29:58.000 Whoa. 1.00

00:29:59.000 Strong words.

00:29:59.000 Yeah, I said it.

00:30:01.000 Anyway...

00:30:01.000 What is your problem with Nick Diaz?

00:30:03.000 No, because, you know what?

00:30:04.000 I feel like he was a driving factor in that whole thing.

00:30:08.000 He's the first guy to throw a punch.

00:30:10.000 He started that whole thing.

00:30:11.000 And it... 1.00

00:30:12.000 It's almost not his fault because he's retarded. 1.00

00:30:15.000 But at the same time, he embodies this cultural shift that we had. 0.91

00:30:20.000 And it really started with Dr. Dre selling us N.W.A. and selling us this culture of gangster is cool.

00:30:30.000 Yeah, gangster is cool in a way to watch a movie.

00:30:33.000 But being gangster is just being a little kid.

00:30:37.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:30:38.000 And starting a big brawl because, what, I talked some shit to your homie? 1.00

00:30:43.000 That is just ghetto. 0.99

00:30:45.000 And that thing embodies what's wrong with America right now.

00:30:49.000 People don't take it...

00:30:50.000 Like, when they asked them about it, I came out and apologized right after that whole thing went down.

00:30:55.000 Because I was wrong.

00:30:55.000 I stepped in the cage.

00:30:56.000 But no one stopped me.

00:30:58.000 I figured, ah, they won't mind.

00:30:59.000 It'll be cool.

00:31:00.000 It'll be a cool way to hype their whole thing.

00:31:02.000 Right, what are you doing?

00:31:03.000 And then...

00:31:04.000 What are you doing to the sound, man?

00:31:05.000 You're freaking us out.

00:31:06.000 Sorry.

00:31:07.000 Anyway, so, you know, I got in there.

00:31:11.000 They jump on me.

00:31:12.000 That's not the proper response. 0.99

00:31:14.000 Like, you know, you don't act like a damn savage. 0.99

00:31:19.000 Brian, come on, man. 0.99

00:31:20.000 Sorry.

00:31:21.000 I can't remember what I was saying.

00:31:23.000 You interrupt this pattern of thought.

00:31:25.000 Yeah, so, I mean, you had talked to Nick in the past, though. 0.97

00:31:29.000 Yeah, you know what the problem was is that Nick, well, after one fight, I did fuck him up pretty good. 0.55

00:31:36.000 Because after one of his fights, I was doing the post-fight interview.

00:31:39.000 I'm Jason Mayhem Miller with Nick Diaz.

00:31:43.000 That's usually what I did.

00:31:44.000 I didn't know set up. 0.64

00:31:45.000 It was like a silly interview.

00:31:46.000 It was just a joke.

00:31:47.000 He didn't get the joke, though.

00:31:49.000 That's the problem. 0.99

00:31:50.000 I was just fucking with him. 0.97

00:31:51.000 He's like a serious dude. 0.98

00:31:52.000 Yeah.

00:31:53.000 You know, he's like... 0.95

00:31:54.000 I ain't nobody's bitch, dude. 0.96

00:31:56.000 You know what I mean? 0.90

00:31:57.000 Is that surprising?

00:31:59.000 Look, I like Nick Diaz a lot.

00:32:01.000 I'm a big fan of him as a fighter.

00:32:03.000 I've always been cool with him as a person.

00:32:05.000 Yeah, me too.

00:32:05.000 I thought he was great.

00:32:07.000 Listen, I love him.

00:32:08.000 What is it about him, that whole no fun, no fun in games?

00:32:12.000 I don't know.

00:32:13.000 That's a weird way to live, right?

00:32:15.000 Yeah, because he just is...

00:32:16.000 I don't know, he's just angry with himself, so he just takes on everyone else.

00:32:20.000 But it's rare that someone is so disciplined.

00:32:23.000 Like, as disciplined as he is...

00:32:25.000 I mean, Nick Diaz is in tremendous shape.

00:32:26.000 Just running, and his cardio is outstanding.

00:32:29.000 He's a super cardio guy.

00:32:30.000 He works really hard, obviously.

00:32:31.000 He's so good now, too, man. 0.97

00:32:33.000 His last few fights, man, the fucking Scott Smith fight, I was really impressed. 0.99

00:32:37.000 Frank Shamrock, I was like, God damn! 1.00

00:32:40.000 He's fucking putting it together. 1.00

00:32:41.000 He's putting it on people. 1.00

00:32:42.000 I like to whoop his ass. 0.99

00:32:43.000 But as, like, that whole, like, always angry and always fighting, it's, you know, it's unfortunate. 1.00

00:32:50.000 It's an unfortunate way of looking at things.

00:32:51.000 You know, that's just the mentality of some people, and I think that, you know...

00:32:55.000 But it's weird you see that in someone who's so good at that, you know?

00:32:58.000 Well, I mean, what do you mean?

00:33:00.000 You just go to the gym every day and work hard.

00:33:02.000 Yeah, but to be smart.

00:33:03.000 There's a certain amount of power over your mind and over your will.

00:33:08.000 There's a certain amount.

00:33:09.000 You have to have a will, man.

00:33:11.000 Yeah, whatever, dude.

00:33:12.000 You have to have a will and discipline to get that good. 1.00

00:33:15.000 I got uncles who are dumb as shit who would just go to their construction job and work hard as hell every day. 1.00

00:33:20.000 It doesn't take that hard. 1.00

00:33:21.000 No, listen, Nick Diaz might not be, like, you might not think he's the socially most inept guy in the world, but physically, that guy's very intelligent.

00:33:30.000 Look how good his jiu-jitsu is.

00:33:31.000 Look how good he fights.

00:33:32.000 That takes intelligence.

00:33:33.000 It's just, if he's not, you know, focusing in other areas, you know, of his life, it doesn't mean that he's not intelligent.

00:33:39.000 There's no doubt that guy, when you're that good, you're super intelligent.

00:33:43.000 Yeah.

00:33:43.000 It's just, I mean, I understand where it all comes from.

00:33:47.000 I mean, it's a programming that you get when you're really young and you think that that's the way to behave and act.

00:33:52.000 But I think you've got a real good point.

00:33:54.000 You've got a real good point about that culture.

00:33:57.000 I like to have fun and I act wild.

00:33:59.000 I do crazy stuff.

00:34:00.000 But you are always cool to people.

00:34:01.000 I've never seen you picking fights with somebody for no reason.

00:34:03.000 Why?

00:34:03.000 What's the point?

00:34:04.000 I've never seen you start arguments for no reason.

00:34:06.000 You've always been cool to people. 0.95

00:34:08.000 I've never seen you bully people or fuck with anybody, which is really funny that you wound up getting this anti-bully show. 0.92

00:34:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:34:13.000 No, no. 0.99

00:34:14.000 Listen, the same job that I'm doing now, man, I did the same thing all growing up.

00:34:19.000 It's so funny that I got...

00:34:20.000 Because I played this role my entire life.

00:34:23.000 Because every time there's a big kid picking on a little kid, I can remember like three incidents in particular.

00:34:29.000 So you're an anti-boey. 1.00

00:34:29.000 Yeah, I would be like... 1.00

00:34:31.000 Because I like to fight.

00:34:32.000 I always liked to fight since I was three years old.

00:34:34.000 Like, I just like...

00:34:35.000 And then my dad was in the army and boxed and stuff.

00:34:38.000 And he like...

00:34:39.000 So you weren't afraid of it.

00:34:40.000 You wanted to get in there and do it.

00:34:41.000 Yeah, I wasn't scared. 1.00

00:34:42.000 You're talking shit and bullying somebody? 1.00

00:34:44.000 Yeah, some guy was bullying another little kid. 1.00

00:34:47.000 I remember walking, seeing it going down, and he was pushing the little kid around.

00:34:51.000 And I was like, I remember, I like, I don't know, I guess I was like nine or eight.

00:34:55.000 I walked over there and got in between them.

00:34:57.000 And then I beat this kid up.

00:34:59.000 Did you start bullying bullies?

00:35:02.000 Yeah.

00:35:02.000 No, absolutely.

00:35:03.000 Maybe you were bullying.

00:35:04.000 Bullying bullies, though, is a very common practice.

00:35:07.000 A lot of righteous people do that.

00:35:09.000 I bullied a bully today using bluetorture.com, my bully in high school. 0.99

00:35:14.000 He used to always fuck with me. 1.00

00:35:15.000 So what? 1.00

00:35:16.000 15 years later, I made a website where I used to take Listerine strips and put them in animals' mouths.

00:35:20.000 But I would Photoshop them have blue lips and stuff like that.

00:35:24.000 And PETA or whatever got so pissed off that they're like, we're going to go to this person's house and protest them.

00:35:30.000 So I found my bully's address and made this big flyer.

00:35:34.000 They're like, got five new puppies.

00:35:35.000 Going to give them 200 Listerine strips live on the internet.

00:35:39.000 Dude, stop right now.

00:35:41.000 Stop right now.

00:35:41.000 Don't be admitting this on the internet.

00:35:43.000 What's wrong with you?

00:35:44.000 Stop what you're talking about.

00:35:46.000 No, it's fine.

00:35:46.000 I've already admitted it many times on the internet.

00:35:49.000 Well, not on this fucking podcast. 0.99

00:35:51.000 Nobody else listened to it. 0.99

00:35:52.000 Sorry, PETA. Sorry, PETA. Didn't mean to do it.

00:35:54.000 I'm not talking about that.

00:35:55.000 I'm talking about the guy.

00:35:56.000 Huh?

00:35:57.000 The guy.

00:35:58.000 Oh, it doesn't matter.

00:35:58.000 I got the wrong address.

00:36:00.000 Okay.

00:36:00.000 Well, whichever address you got.

00:36:02.000 You sent Psycho PETA people to some random person's house?

00:36:05.000 No.

00:36:05.000 Even worse.

00:36:06.000 Dude, let's stop talking.

00:36:07.000 Let's stop talking about this.

00:36:08.000 Jesus Christ, legality.

00:36:11.000 While we're on that subject, tell me, Mayhem, the story of your assistant that did you wrong and justice.

00:36:18.000 Which I think is 100 times worse than what I am.

00:36:20.000 Get out of here.

00:36:22.000 No, it's not because, dude, you gave away where someone lives.

00:36:26.000 That's where someone lives.

00:36:30.000 That's where someone sleeps.

00:36:32.000 This is just a phone number.

00:36:33.000 A phone number is not nearly as bad as the place where you sleep.

00:36:36.000 The rest of the story was what was weird about it is that he was arrested the same week that this happened for torture to an animal.

00:36:42.000 He left his dog in his house for weeks at a time while he was out doing other bad stuff.

00:36:48.000 It just happened at the same week which made it a million times better.

00:36:52.000 He was out doing other bad stuff?

00:36:53.000 The way he speaks Well, I'm trying not to get the guy in trouble or pointed at him.

00:37:00.000 Alright, well, we can move on to the subject.

00:37:03.000 Revenge was served, so you don't have to worry.

00:37:05.000 Okay, good.

00:37:05.000 So now we can all sleep knowing that you won't be legally prostituted.

00:37:08.000 No, it was weird because actually he was abusing animals the whole time.

00:37:12.000 It is funny when someone tries to do a scam and gets busted.

00:37:15.000 You know, an interesting story is the guy who...

00:37:17.000 You know, people always ask, hey, can we take a picture where you get me in a choke or I'll get you in a choke?

00:37:23.000 And I say, we can't.

00:37:24.000 Because the UFC specifically tells us we can't because two guys were sued.

00:37:28.000 Chuck was sued and Matt Hughes were sued for taking pictures with dudes.

00:37:32.000 Yeah, but then why did Jim Norton just get choked out the other day on Opium?

00:37:34.000 It was a video.

00:37:35.000 A video is totally different.

00:37:36.000 No, no, no.

00:37:37.000 Listen, a video is very obvious what's happening.

00:37:40.000 And by the way, it's Jim Norton.

00:37:41.000 Jim Norton's not going to sue Randy Couture.

00:37:42.000 These are just random fans that thought they could make some money.

00:37:45.000 And they pretended that Chuck hurt him and they pretended that Matt Hughes hurt him. 0.99

00:37:48.000 Well, the guy who they pretended Matt Hughes hurt him, apparently they investigated this because there was all these people that said, like, come on, man, this is bullshit. 0.96

00:37:55.000 Matt's a nice guy. 0.95

00:37:56.000 He was taking a picture with you.

00:37:57.000 You asked him to do it. 1.00

00:37:58.000 This guy turned out he was a dirty cop. 1.00

00:38:00.000 And they started investigating him and found out some shit and now he's in jail. 1.00

00:38:03.000 Now he's doing a long stretch. 0.98

00:38:05.000 He's doing like 10 years or something.

00:38:07.000 You know why?

00:38:07.000 Because Matt Hughes is a Christian and Jesus did it.

00:38:09.000 Jesus fucked that dude in the ass. 1.00

00:38:11.000 That's what happened right there. 1.00

00:38:12.000 That's the worst thing ever said on a podcast. 0.98

00:38:16.000 Could it be the worst thing to get raped by? 1.00

00:38:20.000 Imagine getting raped by Jesus. 1.00

00:38:21.000 Chivo the Destroyer, that's a way better guy to get raped by. 1.00

00:38:26.000 So tell us what happened with this. 0.92

00:38:28.000 Mayhem is, like I said, one of the nicest guys I know.

00:38:32.000 Totally down, loyal dude.

00:38:33.000 But he had an issue with an employee.

00:38:36.000 I had the worst assistant ever.

00:38:39.000 Like, literally.

00:38:40.000 I'd be like, Eddie, take a right on Ocean and a right on California, alright?

00:38:44.000 Right on Ocean, right on California.

00:38:45.000 Let's make up a name for this guy.

00:38:47.000 Yeah, his name is...

00:38:48.000 How about Mike?

00:38:49.000 Is Mike good?

00:38:50.000 No, Mike's my dad's name.

00:38:52.000 Tanya Harding.

00:38:53.000 Tanya Harding.

00:38:54.000 Okay, let's...

00:38:54.000 No, no, no.

00:38:55.000 Don't say Tanya Harding.

00:38:55.000 Let's just call him Tanya.

00:38:56.000 I'll call him Tanya.

00:38:57.000 I'll be like, Tanya, just take a right...

00:38:59.000 Oh no, it shouldn't take a right on California.

00:39:01.000 You got it?

00:39:02.000 And he's like, uh-huh, uh-huh.

00:39:04.000 And my friend goes, it's a big yellow building.

00:39:06.000 So I walk to the building I told him to go to, and I'm waiting for 15 minutes.

00:39:12.000 And I'm like, what the hell?

00:39:14.000 Finally I call the guy.

00:39:15.000 I'm like, what are you doing?

00:39:16.000 Uh-huh. 1.00

00:39:18.000 He's just stupid. 1.00

00:39:20.000 Okay, we've established he's very poor at his job. 1.00

00:39:22.000 Okay, so then he comes... 1.00

00:39:24.000 But he fucked you over. 1.00

00:39:25.000 Let's get on track here. 1.00

00:39:26.000 I am, I am. 1.00

00:39:27.000 This guy fucked you over. 0.99

00:39:27.000 I want to set it up so you know what I was dealing with here. 0.99

00:39:30.000 Okay.

00:39:30.000 So I keep giving him another chance every time.

00:39:32.000 I'm like, God...

00:39:33.000 So he can't pay my credit card bill.

00:39:35.000 It'd take me two minutes to do it.

00:39:37.000 He has all the information.

00:39:38.000 Still couldn't do it.

00:39:38.000 He can't figure out Travelocity.

00:39:40.000 He booked me an hour away from my family reunion.

00:39:43.000 Like, he's terrible at his job.

00:39:46.000 Okay?

00:39:47.000 So, he then goes to one of my close friends and just lies about everything.

00:39:57.000 Like, Like, it's a girl.

00:40:00.000 One of your close friends, this guy, found her information and contact with her.

00:40:07.000 Somehow he got her email.

00:40:09.000 I don't know how he did it.

00:40:10.000 He had to be hating.

00:40:11.000 There's only one reason why a guy does that. 1.00

00:40:13.000 A guy goes and talks to a girl and talks shit about you. 1.00

00:40:16.000 That's a hater. 1.00

00:40:17.000 I know.

00:40:17.000 Don't worry.

00:40:18.000 I'm well aware of that. 0.60

00:40:19.000 So, you know, this guy freaking... 0.99

00:40:23.000 Calls her and just starts making up ridiculous stories. 0.99

00:40:26.000 The girl believes it. 0.95

00:40:28.000 Like, she's like, believes it.

00:40:29.000 Totally believes it.

00:40:31.000 And then it's like, totally...

00:40:33.000 I'm like, what the hell? 1.00

00:40:34.000 So he says a bunch of bad shit about you. 1.00

00:40:35.000 Yeah, a bunch of bad shit about me. 1.00

00:40:36.000 You're very emotional. 0.99

00:40:37.000 You're having a hard time getting this out.

00:40:39.000 They are.

00:40:40.000 Yeah, they are. 1.00

00:40:40.000 Yeah, it's fucking... 1.00

00:40:42.000 That sucks, man. 1.00

00:40:43.000 Sensitive, sensitive. 0.99

00:40:43.000 But anyway... 0.99

00:40:44.000 Very sensitive. 1.00

00:40:44.000 This guy fucked you over. 1.00

00:40:45.000 Yeah, fucked me over. 1.00

00:40:46.000 Finally, I get the story out of her. 1.00

00:40:48.000 She tells me why.

00:40:50.000 I'm like, what? 1.00

00:40:51.000 Like, he just made all that shit up. 1.00

00:40:53.000 Like, really? 1.00

00:40:54.000 We make up.

00:40:56.000 She tells me all that.

00:40:58.000 I'm like, man, I suffered for like a week or two where she was just giving me the boot.

00:41:03.000 Like, no reason.

00:41:04.000 And I don't know what.

00:41:05.000 And you didn't know what it was.

00:41:06.000 I didn't know what it was. 0.95

00:41:07.000 And all of a sudden, the guy that I fired the week before because he's inept at his job.

00:41:12.000 And I was totally cool with him, too.

00:41:14.000 So you had already fired him and then he did all this?

00:41:16.000 I fired him and then he did all this.

00:41:17.000 Oh, I was confused.

00:41:20.000 I thought he did all this while he was working for you.

00:41:22.000 No!

00:41:22.000 Okay.

00:41:23.000 So then, you fire him. 1.00

00:41:25.000 He talks shit about you to this girl that he's probably in love with. 1.00

00:41:28.000 Yeah, probably. 1.00

00:41:28.000 And then, what do you do? 1.00

00:41:30.000 You put his...

00:41:31.000 Oh, no.

00:41:31.000 I was talking to my friend, Dane Cook.

00:41:34.000 Name dropped.

00:41:36.000 Totally.

00:41:36.000 I was talking to my friend Dane Cook about the situation.

00:41:38.000 Well, you were talking on Twitter, right?

00:41:39.000 On Twitter.

00:41:40.000 And then I accidentally posted that guy's number.

00:41:43.000 Dude, I did that.

00:41:44.000 I did that.

00:41:45.000 I did my own number.

00:41:46.000 I saw that.

00:41:46.000 I saw that you did that.

00:41:48.000 So I was like, yeah, call the guy anyway and talk to him.

00:41:52.000 So you thought you were making a direct message to Dane Cook.

00:41:54.000 Yeah.

00:41:55.000 And you were really just Twittering it publicly.

00:41:58.000 Hey, that happens, man.

00:41:59.000 But I can't figure out how to delete the phone number.

00:42:04.000 Oh, don't worry.

00:42:04.000 There's nice people on Twitter.

00:42:05.000 They'll delete it.

00:42:06.000 Leaking your phone number is so intense.

00:42:08.000 Because that's something that you have so many, like 100 people that know your phone number.

00:42:12.000 I think that's all good.

00:42:32.000 I think just reaching back and trying to grab ahold of the people from the past. 1.00

00:42:38.000 Let that shit go, son. 1.00

00:42:39.000 It's kind of fun when you lose a number and it's got to go. 1.00

00:42:42.000 I liked it.

00:42:43.000 Now I can't even turn the phone on.

00:42:44.000 I turn the phone on, it just reboots because it gets so many texts.

00:42:48.000 Because I turn it on like every day.

00:42:50.000 And when I turn it on, it'll have like 5,000 texts.

00:42:53.000 So it just reboots.

00:42:55.000 And I can't use it.

00:42:56.000 I try to make a call.

00:42:58.000 Or I get calls in on it.

00:43:00.000 I try to answer the call.

00:43:01.000 And while I'm answering the call, it's just constant buzz, buzz, buzz of text coming through.

00:43:07.000 Buzz, buzz.

00:43:07.000 So what you're saying is people calling in on the other line.

00:43:10.000 And then it reboots.

00:43:11.000 Is that Redman is basically turning the phone on and sitting on it.

00:43:14.000 Is that what you're calling me?

00:43:16.000 I'm putting in my flashlight.

00:43:17.000 That's what he likes to do.

00:43:19.000 So, unfortunately, you put this guy's phone number online, but I don't think anybody's going to call it.

00:43:23.000 No, nobody will call his number, right?

00:43:25.000 Why would they?

00:43:25.000 Yeah, it's not like it's my phone number.

00:43:27.000 Yeah, and it's not like you're this loved guy, and that guy fucked you over. 0.99

00:43:30.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:43:31.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:43:32.000 Nobody loves the bully me down guy.

00:43:34.000 Well, I am an official mayhem monkey.

00:43:36.000 I'm a member of the cult. 0.93

00:43:37.000 You're like 420. That's as cliche as they make it, folks.

00:43:41.000 I had to take it.

00:43:42.000 It's perfect, right?

00:43:43.000 Yeah, bro, come on.

00:43:44.000 Somebody had to be 420. Yeah, Mayhem has a cult called the Mayhem Monkeys.

00:43:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:43:48.000 I'm down with that shit, son. 1.00

00:43:50.000 It's easy. 1.00

00:43:50.000 You know what? 1.00

00:43:51.000 I got a Mayhem Monkey t-shirt.

00:43:52.000 I got two of them.

00:43:53.000 I feel like you're at least a general in the Mayhem Monkey army.

00:43:57.000 I mean, at least.

00:43:58.000 I don't know.

00:43:58.000 Wait, Prime Minister.

00:43:59.000 Well, you know what I'm saying?

00:44:00.000 How about this? 1.00

00:44:01.000 How about I have a cult, you have a cult, and we'll be like fucking favored nations and shit. 1.00

00:44:05.000 No, that's who we are. 0.99

00:44:06.000 We'll be like allies.

00:44:07.000 That's who we are.

00:44:07.000 No, you know why?

00:44:08.000 Because you think about it, I just want my cult to be...

00:44:11.000 People are of the same mindset.

00:44:13.000 And you are because we're all monkeys spinning around a rock in space, right?

00:44:18.000 Tubes and tunnels.

00:44:21.000 What's tubes and tunnels?

00:44:22.000 That's what we have?

00:44:23.000 Boys have tubes, girls have tunnels? 1.00

00:44:25.000 I love Brian.

00:44:27.000 You know why?

00:44:28.000 Because Brian is a grown man with a beard, but he thinks like a 14-year-old.

00:44:32.000 He's so great.

00:44:33.000 I like it.

00:44:33.000 You have to.

00:44:34.000 I love that personality, man. 1.00

00:44:36.000 That's a unique motherfucker right there. 0.98

00:44:38.000 But did you ever get your Mayhem Monkeys all together for kind of like a roller skating party or anything like that? 0.99

00:44:44.000 I've done that with the Rogan board members.

00:44:47.000 It's almost always awesome, but there's almost always one dude that's creepy in real life.

00:44:52.000 Right.

00:44:52.000 One dude that just jacks the party.

00:44:54.000 Remember when we did Houston back in the day?

00:44:56.000 Yeah.

00:44:56.000 Who was a good example of that?

00:44:58.000 It was a couple dudes.

00:44:59.000 I don't remember their names, but I don't know if any of them I did.

00:45:02.000 I wouldn't even say it.

00:45:03.000 Right.

00:45:04.000 After meeting them, they just drop off the board.

00:45:07.000 They stop coming to the board. 0.99

00:45:08.000 And there's been members that wives have found out that they came to these circle jerks. 0.99

00:45:15.000 There's been affairs. 0.98

00:45:17.000 There's been deaths.

00:45:18.000 I mean, our friend Outlaw...

00:45:20.000 That was a legitimate friend of ours that died.

00:45:23.000 He had a heart attack.

00:45:25.000 He was overweight.

00:45:26.000 That's a business. 1.00

00:45:28.000 Lon is a cool motherfucker. 1.00

00:45:30.000 We knew that guy from 2001 when we first met him in Houston. 0.99

00:45:34.000 And he was always on my message board.

00:45:36.000 Just a funny dude.

00:45:37.000 Just a cool dude.

00:45:38.000 So you can meet cool people off the internet. 0.99

00:45:40.000 But the problem is, man, for every cool dude, for every ten cool dudes, there's one or two just creepy fucks. 0.87

00:45:48.000 We have the best percentages on the planet. 0.98

00:45:51.000 Yeah, it's pretty fucking good. 1.00

00:45:52.000 I think you get to know people very well from reading the shit they write on the internet. 0.99

00:45:58.000 That's why Twitter's awesome because you get to see, is this person a negative person? 0.99

00:46:01.000 Positive?

00:46:02.000 Funny?

00:46:03.000 You can see through their tweets because they can't help it.

00:46:06.000 They put themselves out there.

00:46:07.000 You know who I love?

00:46:08.000 I love black dudes that give motivational talks.

00:46:10.000 Yeah!

00:46:11.000 I like that too.

00:46:12.000 I like that too.

00:46:13.000 You know Tyrese, that actor?

00:46:15.000 That dude who's always like, women, stand up for yourself in all caps.

00:46:19.000 Make that man respect you.

00:46:21.000 And baby boy is saying that?

00:46:23.000 Love yourself before someone else will love you girls. 1.00

00:46:25.000 He'll say all this crazy, super positive love pimp shit. 0.99

00:46:30.000 And you know he's just slinging his I'm a good guy game. 1.00

00:46:33.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:46:34.000 His fucking avatar on Twitter is him making out with some chick. 1.00

00:46:39.000 The dude is built like a fucking Greek god. 1.00

00:46:41.000 He's a movie star. 1.00

00:46:43.000 He's a sexy motherfucker. 1.00

00:46:44.000 I mean, I don't hate him. 1.00

00:46:45.000 I'm not hating, but I find it hilarious when he's talking all this superpower pro-god love game.

00:46:52.000 Like, you can tell when someone's throwing a game.

00:46:54.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:46:55.000 You can tell when someone's real and that's who they are.

00:46:58.000 Yeah, you can.

00:46:59.000 But a lot of people are not as bright as you are Joe Rogan.

00:47:02.000 But isn't it fascinating when you see someone's throwing a game and other people aren't seeing it?

00:47:06.000 Oh, yeah.

00:47:07.000 Like Scientology.

00:47:08.000 Oh.

00:47:08.000 Anything like that.

00:47:10.000 I had this neighbor who was a cool guy.

00:47:11.000 I still love the guy, where I used to live.

00:47:14.000 And he was talking to me about buying this piece of property.

00:47:17.000 And then I said, well, I can't do it right now, but I really want to pick this up because my wife is about to go clear.

00:47:24.000 So I go, what are you talking about?

00:47:26.000 He goes, yeah, well, we're in Scientology, and she's going to go clear, and it costs $50,000.

00:47:31.000 Otherwise, I would pick this piece of property up.

00:47:32.000 I go, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:47:34.000 I go, what is clear?

00:47:35.000 Like, what are you talking about?

00:47:35.000 So I'm just, you know, as a comedian, automatically, I want to start laughing at him and mocking him.

00:47:40.000 But then my heckler skills are taking me, give him some rope. 0.87

00:47:43.000 Let's talk here.

00:47:44.000 Let's find out what we got going on here.

00:47:47.000 So...

00:47:47.000 So I'm listening to him, and he's telling me that his wife is going to become someone who cannot be influenced by outside forces.

00:47:55.000 Dude, I'm not fucking with you. 0.91

00:47:57.000 They get him to the point where nothing negative that anybody does to them or says to them can affect who they are. 1.00

00:48:04.000 It's really fucking some pretty strong pimp shit, if you think about it. 0.99

00:48:08.000 Someone tells you that they're going to fix you, so nothing's going to come in. 1.00

00:48:14.000 What's uncomfortable about it is you start thinking you could do that, too.

00:48:17.000 You start thinking, I could do that to people. 0.99

00:48:18.000 I could start writing shit like this and making shit up. 1.00

00:48:21.000 No, undoubtedly. 1.00

00:48:21.000 What are you talking about? 1.00

00:48:22.000 Easily.

00:48:23.000 Easily, man. 1.00

00:48:24.000 It was a crazy feeling, though, knowing that I'm living next to some dude who's just getting raped. 0.99

00:48:28.000 Hey, man. 0.99

00:48:29.000 We can go down that path.

00:48:30.000 You know what I mean?

00:48:31.000 The religious path.

00:48:31.000 They were taking 50 grand from him, man!

00:48:33.000 50,000! 0.99

00:48:36.000 50,000 to do some goddamn voodoo ceremony on his wife so that she won't get affected by bad buju anymore. 0.99

00:48:43.000 Did you ever see the South Park episode about the whole Scientology thing? 0.99

00:48:46.000 One of the best.

00:48:49.000 Oh yeah, and you know when they went over the whole myth?

00:48:51.000 Oh my god, that was genius. 0.99

00:48:53.000 South Park's the greatest fucking cartoon in history. 0.99

00:48:55.000 Here's the way it is though. 0.99

00:48:56.000 The way it is is my friend has a grandma from Japan, lived in Hawaii, but basically for the last 30 years been in the house, cleaning the house.

00:49:06.000 She's the nicest lady. 0.87

00:49:07.000 One of her friends from, I don't know, whatever old Japanese ladies do, she doesn't speak English. 1.00

00:49:13.000 So they go to a Japanese church, a Christian church, and they go – they're telling the story of the virgin birth, and she suddenly has a freakout.

00:49:23.000 She's 80 years old.

00:49:24.000 She's kind of like an old lady. 0.99

00:49:25.000 She's like, you believe this?

00:49:27.000 She went, you – in the middle of the sermon, like, you all believe this?

00:49:32.000 This is what the – because that's her first time in a Christian church.

00:49:35.000 She didn't ever – she never heard about it really.

00:49:37.000 She didn't know the story.

00:49:38.000 Oh, no.

00:49:40.000 It's not, you know, she freaked out.

00:49:42.000 She was like, did you guys believe? 0.93

00:49:44.000 And fucked up the whole sermon and left in the middle of it. 0.97

00:49:48.000 But if you draw the parallel, it's the same thing. 0.88

00:49:52.000 It's kind of hard to, you know, I mean, I hate to get everybody angry at me.

00:49:55.000 Scientology is the same thing as Christianity. 0.94

00:49:57.000 Well, I mean, it's just, it's the 2,000 years younger.

00:50:00.000 Yeah, it doesn't matter.

00:50:01.000 Anybody telling you they've got all the answers, they don't.

00:50:04.000 We have this weird hunger to figure it all out.

00:50:08.000 That's good, though.

00:50:09.000 It's good because now we've got these scientists Real scientists, and I think it's messed up, the Scientologists put it in there to sound like they're science.

00:50:20.000 I know, right? 0.99

00:50:21.000 That is kind of fucked up. 1.00

00:50:21.000 That's kind of fucked up. 1.00

00:50:22.000 They made their cult with science. 0.99

00:50:23.000 Because people who don't want to go to church go, uh, wait, science sounds better.

00:50:29.000 Yeah.

00:50:30.000 Scientology.

00:50:31.000 It has nothing to do with science.

00:50:32.000 Science fiction.

00:50:32.000 Science and psychology together.

00:50:35.000 Exactly.

00:50:35.000 Meshed up.

00:50:36.000 Exactly.

00:50:36.000 But, you know, we all...

00:50:39.000 We all have this need to know everything.

00:50:41.000 That's cool.

00:50:42.000 These smart scientists are figuring it out.

00:50:44.000 You know, they know the world is wrong because they definitely shot a...

00:50:48.000 Here's the reality.

00:50:49.000 Here's the reality.

00:50:50.000 They're figuring out things about matter.

00:50:52.000 They're figuring out things about the nature of reality.

00:50:55.000 But we want more.

00:50:56.000 But there's way more.

00:50:58.000 The real big question isn't, like, how does this work?

00:51:01.000 What makes this explode?

00:51:03.000 What makes an atom?

00:51:04.000 What makes the Big Bang? 0.99

00:51:05.000 The real question is, what the fuck is all this? 0.99

00:51:07.000 Yeah, I know. 0.99

00:51:08.000 That's the real question.

00:51:09.000 That's impossible with just science.

00:51:12.000 It's going to take evolution and science.

00:51:14.000 Okay.

00:51:14.000 The real thing that's going on is that we have all this incredible power right now as a human race, but we're still in this crazy adolescent stage of figuring out how to behave and think and raise children to be normal humans.

00:51:29.000 It's a fucking very strange time when you think about the power that people have to... 0.99

00:51:33.000 To change the fucking world that we live in, like with explosions and all kinds of crazy shit that people have invented. 1.00

00:51:39.000 And how dumb people are as well at the same time. 1.00

00:51:43.000 So many dummies. 1.00

00:51:44.000 Well, yeah, but you know, I mean, that's the way the world is. 0.90

00:51:47.000 You know, there's smart people out there.

00:51:48.000 And those smart people boss... 1.00

00:51:51.000 Idiots like me around. 1.00

00:51:52.000 But has there ever been as big a disparity between people who are intelligent and involved and the people who aren't, all living in the same time? 1.00

00:51:59.000 There's actually a lot of – all right, so scientists are talking about how things are going to go in which direction they're going to go, and they're talking about the elite class of people, the smart people.

00:52:09.000 Some scientists have talked about that.

00:52:10.000 Some scientists say that we're going to evolve, just like the time machine.

00:52:15.000 There's going to be some goons, and there's going to be the super smart, crazy, genetically enhanced robot people.

00:52:22.000 I don't know why people wouldn't think that's possible.

00:52:24.000 People want to think somehow or another that human beings, what we are right now, is what we're going to stay.

00:52:28.000 Nope.

00:52:28.000 And we're not.

00:52:29.000 We're going to become something else.

00:52:31.000 We're going to move on to something else, man. 0.99

00:52:33.000 Who knows what the fuck it is, but it's not going to stop right here. 0.98

00:52:35.000 I'm just hoping I get robot arms out of the field. 0.98

00:52:37.000 And if you look at other animals, a bunch of different kinds of subspecies where they branched off.

00:52:42.000 And the humans themselves.

00:52:44.000 We at one point in time were related to some other kind of primate.

00:52:47.000 The same primate that the chimps were related to.

00:52:49.000 And they all went in different directions. 0.99

00:52:50.000 Who the fuck are we to assume that the branch is going to stop here? 0.98

00:52:54.000 No, we're not. 0.98

00:52:55.000 I don't think anybody is.

00:52:57.000 Does anyone think that, though?

00:52:58.000 Yeah, no, what are you talking about, man?

00:53:00.000 Most people think that we're here, this is how we're staying, when they can't even see that the Chinese chick I dated, her parents are like super short, and she just sprung up to like 5'8", you know, out of nowhere. 0.98

00:53:12.000 Well, guess what? 0.92

00:53:13.000 She's like eating this chemically processed food, and all of a sudden she gets huge, and she had big boobs. 1.00

00:53:18.000 I'm like, how... 0.88

00:53:19.000 What?

00:53:20.000 You're Asian. 0.99

00:53:20.000 Your mom is super flat. 0.99

00:53:22.000 Your dad is like a scrawny twig. 0.92

00:53:24.000 You got an octawoman. 0.95

00:53:24.000 You're having more babies now. 0.95

00:53:26.000 There's more twins.

00:53:27.000 Oh, yeah.

00:53:27.000 That's like some chemicals they pumped in her, though, like some female steroids.

00:53:31.000 Yeah, that was on purpose, dude.

00:53:33.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:53:34.000 They injected embryos into her. 0.91

00:53:35.000 Well, that happens all the time that people can't have a kid.

00:53:37.000 They're like, God, I just want to have a baby, and then I inject the lady with a bunch of hormones so she's super fertile. 1.00

00:53:43.000 Then he drops a load inside of her, and all of a sudden you pop out a litter of puppies.

00:53:48.000 Well, it's that, and they even put embryos in these people.

00:53:50.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:53:51.000 I mean, actual embryos into old women who no longer have any eggs. 0.82

00:53:54.000 And bodies are starting to get used to having 12 kids at once.

00:53:58.000 Would a body be able to have 12 kids...

00:54:01.000 10 years ago?

00:54:02.000 20 years ago?

00:54:02.000 I'm just hoping to see the turtle woman who has all her kids on the beach and then covers them up with sand.

00:54:07.000 I think it's a disturbing idea for people to think that there's going to be two groups of humans, intelligent ones and moron ones. 0.99

00:54:14.000 They literally be two different species because people are worried that they would be in the moron group. 0.99

00:54:19.000 Ha ha! 0.99

00:54:19.000 That's what it is. 0.99

00:54:20.000 Everybody's like, I don't even want to talk about this.

00:54:22.000 This is not real.

00:54:23.000 No. 1.00

00:54:23.000 Bullshit. 1.00

00:54:24.000 People are going to evolve together. 1.00

00:54:25.000 We're going to help each other.

00:54:26.000 Stop thinking like that.

00:54:27.000 You're a pessimist.

00:54:28.000 Really? 1.00

00:54:29.000 Watch the fucking news. 1.00

00:54:31.000 Really? 1.00

00:54:32.000 Pay attention to some of the crazy shit that you hear people do. 1.00

00:54:35.000 You hear about people fucking their kids and going into stores with machine guns. 1.00

00:54:40.000 You don't think that it's somehow possible that that might be a separate subspecies of people eventually. 0.99

00:54:47.000 Completely unrelated to a Bill Gates.

00:54:49.000 Like, so totally different.

00:54:51.000 Yeah.

00:54:51.000 It's just a matter of time, man.

00:54:53.000 You know what?

00:54:54.000 I'm cool with being on the lower end.

00:54:56.000 I'm like, whatever. 0.99

00:54:56.000 I'll be like the smartest dumb guy. 0.99

00:54:58.000 It'll be awesome. 1.00

00:54:59.000 I'll be like the axe-winging savage.

00:55:01.000 I'll be like, what?

00:55:01.000 7-Eleven?

00:55:02.000 Give me the food! 0.96

00:55:03.000 You might be having more fun, and you might be getting more chicks.

00:55:07.000 Oh, for sure.

00:55:07.000 Because the smart chicks, it's hard to get them to commit to a relationship.

00:55:10.000 They're very wary of you.

00:55:11.000 They want to, like, I don't...

00:55:12.000 You seem like a guy who's going to, like, abuse my emotions. 1.00

00:55:15.000 But the dumb chicks, like... 1.00

00:55:16.000 Oh, you're hot, Jason. 1.00

00:55:21.000 The dumb ones are sometimes it's more fun. 1.00

00:55:23.000 If you want to party, partying with dumb people sometimes is a lot more fun than partying with smart people who want to fucking cry, talk to you about their ex-husbands and shit. 1.00

00:55:31.000 They want to smoke a joint and then fucking, yeah, cry about their ex-husbands? 1.00

00:55:34.000 Fuck! 1.00

00:55:34.000 I mean, think about it. 1.00

00:55:36.000 If you're just a guy trying to have a good time, you have two options.

00:55:39.000 One is a girl who's 23, just got out of college, she's out with all of her best friends, and they're all drinking.

00:55:44.000 Okay, there's that.

00:55:45.000 Or, she's 31, she's smoking cigarettes, she just broke up with her boyfriend, she thinks she might be pregnant. 0.99

00:55:53.000 Who the fuck are you going to talk to? 0.99

00:55:55.000 Who are you going to talk to? 1.00

00:55:56.000 You want to talk to a smart chick who just graduated from college and she's not exactly sure what she's going to do with her life? 1.00

00:56:01.000 Hey, hey, hey.

00:56:02.000 I just want to dance.

00:56:03.000 Can't we just have a drink and have some fun?

00:56:05.000 No.

00:56:06.000 So you maybe have a point.

00:56:07.000 If you want to have some fun, just fun, studies.

00:56:11.000 Hey, studies disagree with you because from age 27 to 45 is like a woman's... 0.99

00:56:16.000 Oh, sexual prime.

00:56:18.000 Oh, for sure, sexual prime. 0.99

00:56:20.000 You're telling me a 23-year-old is not blowing you in the bathroom of a bowling alley? 1.00

00:56:24.000 We're talking about dumb and smart. 1.00

00:56:26.000 That's all I'm talking about. 0.99

00:56:27.000 I'm not talking about necessarily the age.

00:56:30.000 I think the chicks are hottest when they're in their 30s because they become women and they know each other. 1.00

00:56:33.000 I'm just saying, in our theoretical world of two different subspecies, you might be better off being king of the retards because you get a lot of hot chicks that are just really easy and fun to hang out with. 1.00

00:56:43.000 As opposed to, if you hang out with a lot of smart chicks, they're going to want a lot of commitment. 1.00

00:56:48.000 You're going to have to have a relationship. 0.94

00:56:49.000 We have a black president. 0.99

00:56:51.000 It is the future now, and I am the king of the retards. 1.00

00:56:55.000 I'm chubby enough in Texas that I'm a supermodel. 0.99

00:56:58.000 Yeah, in Texas, you fit right the fuck in. 0.98

00:57:00.000 Dude, they look up to me. 0.99

00:57:02.000 Girls like a man with a little gut in Texas. 1.00

00:57:04.000 That's a man who's living.

00:57:05.000 Look, in the old days, fat broads were attractive. 1.00

00:57:08.000 That's why those old paintings, fat meant you had some money.

00:57:11.000 She's so luxurious.

00:57:13.000 Look, she gets to get fat. 1.00

00:57:14.000 Because nobody else got fat, man. 1.00

00:57:16.000 When you look at those old pictures of fat bitches, you're like, why is that sexy? 1.00

00:57:19.000 What the fuck was wrong with them? 1.00

00:57:20.000 What was wrong was it was hard to get food. 1.00

00:57:22.000 That was their bling.

00:57:23.000 They were bling blinging. 0.95

00:57:24.000 Look at all this titty. 1.00

00:57:25.000 Look at all this shit right here. 1.00

00:57:26.000 I got all fat hanging off my arms and shit. 1.00

00:57:29.000 That's how much food I got, bitch. 1.00

00:57:31.000 I don't think they talk like that in the 1600s. 0.99

00:57:33.000 Those pictures, that was the equivalent of Dub Magazine.

00:57:37.000 That was the equivalent of MTV Cribs.

00:57:39.000 They were showing their bling.

00:57:40.000 This is my bling.

00:57:41.000 Look at all my fat. 1.00

00:57:42.000 I just be eating shit, pigs and shit all day. 1.00

00:57:45.000 I'm eating pigs. 1.00

00:57:46.000 Yeah, you could be fat and fucked up and you looked like royalty, whereas everyone else was sinewy and they fucking worked all day. 1.00

00:57:52.000 They were built like mayhem. 1.00

00:57:54.000 So you're saying if I go back in time, I want to plow some hood rats. 1.00

00:57:58.000 Is that what you're saying?

00:57:59.000 Well, when you go back in time, maybe fat chicks, you'd fall into a world where fat chicks were a trap. 1.00

00:58:03.000 Maybe the only reason that guys could get fat chicks is because they had those gay powdered wigs on and only fat chicks would fuck them. 1.00

00:58:10.000 I don't know if that's the same era. 1.00

00:58:11.000 I don't think so.

00:58:12.000 I'm not sure.

00:58:12.000 Powdered wigs?

00:58:13.000 Powdered wigs went a long way, right?

00:58:15.000 I think it was getting out of that when Jerome was painting.

00:58:18.000 People didn't wash back then.

00:58:20.000 Yeah, they did.

00:58:21.000 Who cared?

00:58:21.000 They washed very rarely.

00:58:23.000 Well, you wash your armpits and your junk. 0.99

00:58:25.000 You do an Irish shower real quick. 1.00

00:58:27.000 God damn, how much did people stink back then? 1.00

00:58:30.000 No way, man. 1.00

00:58:30.000 A lot of powder. 1.00

00:58:31.000 You do that all the time.

00:58:32.000 But I think that's how we're supposed to be.

00:58:35.000 We're always trying to kill our pheromones off of each other.

00:58:37.000 Do you think that if people just walked around all day funky that you'd get used to it?

00:58:41.000 No.

00:58:42.000 I don't know.

00:58:42.000 I think you might.

00:58:43.000 That's like getting used to the cat litter box.

00:58:45.000 I smell it every day.

00:58:46.000 I still don't love it.

00:58:47.000 Listen, bro.

00:58:47.000 When you do jujitsu, you get used to stinky smelling gis and people.

00:58:51.000 I don't mind it at all.

00:58:51.000 You don't mind it.

00:58:52.000 Dude, I locked up with this guy the other day, and as soon as we started grappling, his shirt smelled like pneumonia.

00:58:56.000 Maybe you always liked it. 0.99

00:58:57.000 You know how dudes leave their shit when people leave their gi in their bag, and then they put it on again a second time? 1.00

00:59:02.000 It's got that smell. 1.00

00:59:03.000 Uh-huh.

00:59:04.000 This guy has rash guard.

00:59:05.000 For sure, he wore it twice.

00:59:06.000 That's what happens.

00:59:07.000 Some dudes do that. 1.00

00:59:09.000 They're bachelors and shit. 1.00

00:59:10.000 They don't have any laundry. 1.00

00:59:11.000 They don't have the time to do it.

00:59:12.000 They work.

00:59:12.000 You get used to it, man.

00:59:14.000 Actually, I kind of like...

00:59:16.000 Listen, bro.

00:59:17.000 You say that, but you would.

00:59:18.000 I smell cat litter for the last 10 years. 1.00

00:59:21.000 It smells like assholes. 1.00

00:59:22.000 You would smell like assholes. 1.00

00:59:24.000 Why? 1.00

00:59:24.000 It's not human. 1.00

00:59:28.000 It's poop.

00:59:29.000 Poop is actually dangerous for you.

00:59:32.000 It's like you have a bacteria that can give you disease.

00:59:35.000 That's why it's so repulsive to you.

00:59:37.000 You had to explain that to this guy right now?

00:59:38.000 It's a big difference between...

00:59:40.000 He's very smart.

00:59:41.000 He's very smart.

00:59:42.000 He's just a little stony. 1.00

00:59:43.000 Sorry, I'm just saying, shit is bad for you, just so you know. 1.00

00:59:46.000 How rude. 0.99

00:59:47.000 Sorry, sorry. 0.99

00:59:48.000 No, but I like stinky people. 0.91

00:59:50.000 You don't mind stinky people? 1.00

00:59:51.000 What about stinky pussy, though? 1.00

00:59:53.000 Not if it's negative. 1.00

00:59:54.000 You can smell the negative smell. 0.99

00:59:56.000 However, man, every girlfriend I've had, whether she knew it or not, I smell her armpit. 0.99

01:00:01.000 Hard. 0.99

01:00:01.000 Really? 0.99

01:00:02.000 Yeah, every time.

01:00:03.000 I can't help it.

01:00:03.000 My nose doesn't work that good.

01:00:04.000 Sometimes, when I get warmed up, it works just fine. 1.00

01:00:07.000 Isn't it amazing how repulsive stinky pussy is? 1.00

01:00:10.000 Oh, man. 1.00

01:00:10.000 And this is not a woman-hating statement at all. 1.00

01:00:14.000 I understand.

01:00:14.000 It's like, no one's perfect.

01:00:15.000 It's just a health problem.

01:00:16.000 That's all it is.

01:00:17.000 It's a bacterial infection or whatever it is.

01:00:20.000 It's nothing wrong.

01:00:21.000 I mean, it happens to people.

01:00:22.000 But...

01:00:22.000 The smell itself is such a warning sign to men.

01:00:26.000 Whatever the fuck it is, pussy always smells awesome. 1.00

01:00:29.000 When you get down there, you smell the hormones and the moistness of it. 1.00

01:00:33.000 It has this glazed fucking scent to it. 0.99

01:00:36.000 You just barely pick it up. 1.00

01:00:38.000 You smell a woman through her pussy. 1.00

01:00:42.000 A clean, fresh pussy is a fantastic odor. 1.00

01:00:45.000 But when it's nasty, when she's got some sort of a yeast infection or something, it's horrifying. 0.99

01:00:50.000 Like, all of your synapses are firing.

01:00:53.000 All of your senses are going, get the fuck away from that.

01:00:56.000 The last thing you want to do. 1.00

01:00:58.000 I mean, I will eat a girl's ass after she gets back from the gym way quicker than I would ever even think about going down on a girl who has a yeast infection. 1.00

01:01:05.000 I know. 1.00

01:01:06.000 Has anybody ever gone down on a girl who has a yeast infection?

01:01:08.000 Absolutely.

01:01:08.000 Cottage cheese is delicious.

01:01:10.000 But you know what's really... 1.00

01:01:10.000 You know what's bad also is soap pussy, where they don't clean out the soap enough, and you're licking, and you're like, this tastes like I'm fucking washing my soap out. 1.00

01:01:17.000 I'd rather be licking a dial factory than I would a yeast factory. 1.00

01:01:20.000 I don't know. 0.60

01:01:21.000 I like the muffler a little dirty.

01:01:23.000 Have you ever gone down on a girl who had a yeast infection?

01:01:25.000 No.

01:01:25.000 Well, I mean, I'm sure I have.

01:01:27.000 Like, you know, at what level does it become a yeast infection?

01:01:31.000 I mean, at one point, it's like getting there, and then beyond it, then it stinks.

01:01:35.000 But I'm sure, you know.

01:01:37.000 Does period blood bug you?

01:01:40.000 It depends on the girl I found.

01:01:41.000 It's not like real blood.

01:01:43.000 It depends on the girl? 1.00

01:01:44.000 I've recently been turning into Braveheart, you know, putting fucking stripes underneath my eyes, fucking drinking that shit. 1.00

01:01:50.000 I think if you're turned on enough, you don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:01:52.000 Yeah, for sure. 0.99

01:01:52.000 That's what it is. 0.99

01:01:53.000 Whenever I hear, girls will complain. 1.00

01:01:56.000 They will tell you stories about their boyfriend won't fuck them when they're on the rag and he's disgusted by it. 0.99

01:02:00.000 I'm like, that guy's not that into you. 0.99

01:02:01.000 Because let me tell you something. 1.00

01:02:02.000 If a guy wants to fuck you, he doesn't care if your pussy's red. 1.00

01:02:06.000 That's nonsense. 1.00

01:02:07.000 What is the difference if it's slippery and red or slippery and clear? 0.99

01:02:11.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:02:11.000 It can have an odor. 0.99

01:02:12.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:02:13.000 That's just blood. 1.00

01:02:14.000 If I'm horny, and that's it? 0.75

01:02:17.000 You're on your period? 0.97

01:02:17.000 Oh, there's gonna be some blood? 0.97

01:02:19.000 Sorry, you're wrong.

01:02:19.000 This is a shower.

01:02:20.000 You're wrong.

01:02:21.000 It's not just blood, dude.

01:02:23.000 It's like...

01:02:24.000 Dude, I don't care.

01:02:25.000 Clots, eggs, all of it.

01:02:27.000 Embryos. 0.99

01:02:27.000 I don't give a shit. 0.99

01:02:28.000 Chewing it up like a country breakfast? 1.00

01:02:29.000 Dude, when my shit is ready to go, and I go into gorilla mode, I don't give a fuck about some blood. 1.00

01:02:33.000 I don't care about it anymore. 1.00

01:02:35.000 You're not gonna bury your face in it.

01:02:36.000 Are you kidding me?

01:02:36.000 I would now.

01:02:37.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00

01:02:38.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:02:38.000 I would eat a pussy. 1.00

01:02:40.000 Red Wing time 20 right now. 1.00

01:02:42.000 If Mrs. Rogan is on her period, I'll eat that pussy. 1.00

01:02:46.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:02:46.000 I like it. 1.00

01:02:47.000 I don't care.

01:02:48.000 I'm not scared of blood, dude. 1.00

01:02:49.000 I got this werewolf fucking fixation. 1.00

01:02:52.000 What I don't like, though, is when I forget to wash it off and then you have that cocoon shell on your dick the next morning where you pull it off like a locust. 1.00

01:03:00.000 Oh, when you forget? 1.00

01:03:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:03:01.000 Yeah, you can all be crusted and scaly and shit. 1.00

01:03:03.000 A locust. 0.99

01:03:04.000 You gotta pick it off a tree.

01:03:05.000 It's got its little legs still.

01:03:07.000 That's hilarious.

01:03:08.000 Yeah.

01:03:10.000 It's a good turn, man, because that's a primal thing.

01:03:19.000 These are all primal messages that nature gives you.

01:03:22.000 These are all good things.

01:03:24.000 It's good for the chick. 1.00

01:03:25.000 It's good for you. 1.00

01:03:25.000 You know, when you go down on a chick and you smell her and she smells awesome and you want to eat her pussy, that feels good for her, too. 1.00

01:03:31.000 That's like extra excitement. 1.00

01:03:33.000 Like, you're into it.

01:03:34.000 She loves it.

01:03:35.000 And there's just a burst of positive energy.

01:03:37.000 That's all good stuff, man.

01:03:39.000 There ain't nothing wrong with that.

01:03:41.000 And the fact that somehow or another you're not supposed to talk about this or it's supposed to be something that's discussed behind closed doors, that's just because people are afraid.

01:03:49.000 They're afraid of their feelings.

01:03:50.000 They're afraid of emotions. 0.99

01:03:51.000 They're afraid of looking ridiculous. 0.96

01:03:52.000 Well, it's our whole culture, too. 0.98

01:03:53.000 We have a whole stop on sex. 0.64

01:03:56.000 Like, oh, my God, sex. 0.96

01:03:58.000 Whoa, what do you draw like? 1.00

01:03:59.000 Every one of us is here because two people are fucked. 1.00

01:04:03.000 How come you can't talk about eating pussy on the Today Show? 1.00

01:04:06.000 Why can't I go on the Today Show and just respectfully talk about eating pussy? 1.00

01:04:08.000 Because you don't want to see those Katie Couric getting horny. 1.00

01:04:12.000 You don't want to see that. 0.58

01:04:13.000 They're trying to protect you. 0.99

01:04:14.000 They're trying to protect you from gross women getting horny. 1.00

01:04:17.000 If I caught Katie Couric 10 years ago and we got drunk together in a hotel bar... 0.96

01:04:20.000 Right now?

01:04:20.000 What are you talking about?

01:04:21.000 I was a single man.

01:04:22.000 You'd wreck it?

01:04:23.000 I'd wreck it.

01:04:24.000 Come on.

01:04:24.000 Katie Couric, if you want some...

01:04:26.000 If you want some... 1.00

01:04:27.000 If you ever had some athlete dick... 1.00

01:04:29.000 If you ever had some MMA fighter dick... 1.00

01:04:31.000 If you ever have some gladiator cock... 1.00

01:04:33.000 Jason Mayhem Miller is ready to throw down. 0.99

01:04:35.000 Do you want to be Mayhem Monkey number 421?

01:04:38.000 Do you want to see Al Roker?

01:04:40.000 Because that position's available.

01:04:40.000 You and me in the record books, yo.

01:04:42.000 Al Roker with a boner doing the weather.

01:04:45.000 Do you want that?

01:04:46.000 Why would Al Roker get hard?

01:04:47.000 Do you think Al Roker would get hard from Katie Couric?

01:04:49.000 That's like his sister that gets more money than him. 1.00

01:04:52.000 I bet they hate each other.

01:04:54.000 I bet they yell at each other in the dressing room. 1.00

01:04:56.000 You are fucking hogging up my screen time! 1.00

01:04:59.000 I bet they get all shitty with each other. 1.00

01:05:00.000 I don't like the way you threw to that piece! 1.00

01:05:02.000 Fuck you, Katie! 1.00

01:05:03.000 You made $50 million this year, you fucking whore! 1.00

01:05:07.000 They probably yell at each other and shit. 1.00

01:05:08.000 Al, you read the fucking weather. 1.00

01:05:10.000 What do you do? 1.00

01:05:11.000 What do you do? 1.00

01:05:11.000 You're pointing at shit. 1.00

01:05:13.000 You think you're talented? 1.00

01:05:14.000 I'm a conversationalist. 1.00

01:05:18.000 You're a fucking sideshow. 1.00

01:05:20.000 People tune in to see how much weight you lose. 1.00

01:05:22.000 You know that their managers do that, not them.

01:05:26.000 Do you think they bang?

01:05:27.000 Could you imagine if Katie Couric and...

01:05:29.000 Secrets are being exposed because of the internet.

01:05:33.000 I mean, look at this Mel Gibson thing.

01:05:34.000 Oh my god, Mel Gibson is awesome!

01:05:36.000 I love him more than George W. Bush.

01:05:38.000 He's like the best hilarious guy ever.

01:05:41.000 I love him more than I've ever loved a male celebrity.

01:05:44.000 He's hilarious.

01:05:45.000 He's a train wreck, but everybody gets to see it. 1.00

01:05:49.000 I'm sure he must have been a fucking nightmare to be in a relationship with. 0.99

01:05:54.000 But I don't think we're getting all the fucking details out of her either. 1.00

01:05:57.000 I think that bitch is fucking cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs as well. 1.00

01:05:59.000 Oh, and Natalie, because the chicks always were egg-a-dood on and make them psycho. 1.00

01:06:04.000 How calm is she?

01:06:04.000 She's so calm.

01:06:05.000 That's why, because she's already done all the work. 0.93

01:06:07.000 Now she's collected dividends by recording them.

01:06:10.000 Here's the deal, ladies, please. 0.98

01:06:12.000 If anybody talks to you like that...

01:06:14.000 Don't talk to them.

01:06:16.000 Never. 0.60

01:06:16.000 Just hang up. 0.60

01:06:17.000 Don't ever engage in...

01:06:19.000 I understand she's got a kid with him, but let's be realistic. 1.00

01:06:23.000 This shit didn't start... 1.00

01:06:24.000 She did it on purpose. 1.00

01:06:25.000 Yeah, but this shit didn't start recently. 1.00

01:06:27.000 Those kind of screams? 1.00

01:06:28.000 That motherfucker's been ramping up for years. 1.00

01:06:31.000 Years. 1.00

01:06:31.000 Yeah, that's years worth of build-up to get to that point where that kind of crazy is acceptable. 1.00

01:06:38.000 You know what I mean?

01:06:39.000 You can't release that kraken on the second day of the relationship. 0.97

01:06:43.000 To get that kind of crazy, you gotta get to know each other for a long-ass time to the point where you feel like you could just be completely insane with her. 1.00

01:06:51.000 You fucking cunt whore! 1.00

01:06:53.000 I hope you get right by a pack of niggers. 1.00

01:06:55.000 He just starts talking super crazy talk. 0.99

01:06:58.000 That's been building up, man. 0.86

01:06:59.000 It was like a sex thing between them.

01:07:01.000 It was like role-playing that she took the recordings of.

01:07:04.000 Wow.

01:07:04.000 Yeah, that's a good, you know what?

01:07:06.000 I like his conspiracy theories. 1.00

01:07:07.000 You fucking bitch! 1.00

01:07:09.000 The whole time he's masturbating. 1.00

01:07:10.000 That's why he's out of breath going... 0.94

01:07:12.000 You know what he could say?

01:07:14.000 If he was like a Jaqueen Phoenix type dude, he could say this is all performance art.

01:07:18.000 Yes!

01:07:19.000 Yeah, you're right.

01:07:21.000 That's all he has to say.

01:07:22.000 He could say it's all performance art.

01:07:22.000 He's like my EA Sports video.

01:07:24.000 You know what he could say too?

01:07:24.000 He could have a public apology and say none of this was ever meant to get out.

01:07:29.000 And I definitely took it too far. 0.99

01:07:31.000 And I definitely think I got too into character and said some shit that was offensive. 0.96

01:07:35.000 And I never wanted people to hear it. 0.98

01:07:37.000 And all I was doing was exploring this character that I was creating for a new role about a guy who was this very wealthy man with a Russian bride who was trying to kill him, and he went crazy.

01:07:46.000 So I was exploring this character.

01:07:48.000 I apologize.

01:07:49.000 And she took it way out of context.

01:07:51.000 Mel, call me. 0.99

01:07:52.000 We can work this shit out, son. 1.00

01:07:54.000 Call me. 1.00

01:07:55.000 I want to fuck you. 1.00

01:07:55.000 Mayhem and I got it, dude. 1.00

01:07:57.000 We're going to meet you in Malibu.

01:07:59.000 We'll get some sushi at Nobu.

01:08:01.000 Holla.

01:08:01.000 Dude, I know a guy that can back Twitter.

01:08:03.000 Sushi Chef K. My friend K works there at Nobu.

01:08:06.000 We'll get you together, bro.

01:08:08.000 Mel, we got you.

01:08:09.000 Dude, back-twittering.

01:08:10.000 It exists.

01:08:11.000 Mel, this is all just a misunderstanding.

01:08:13.000 This is a character you're working on.

01:08:15.000 I know.

01:08:16.000 Mayhem knows.

01:08:17.000 For sure.

01:08:17.000 We got you.

01:08:19.000 Didn't it, though, as a crazy person, Mayhem, didn't it make you happy that someone was way crazier than you? 0.96

01:08:23.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.84

01:08:24.000 I was like, whoa! 1.00

01:08:25.000 I would never say some shit like that. 0.99

01:08:27.000 I get banana sandwiched sometimes. 1.00

01:08:29.000 Fucking flip my lid. 0.97

01:08:30.000 But I would never, like, I don't know, maybe it's just not in my character, though. 0.99

01:08:34.000 Like, I don't lie. 1.00

01:08:35.000 Like, I wouldn't say anything racist, because I would say some crazy shit, but I could never bring it to that level where you're like, shit, whore, cunt. 1.00

01:08:41.000 Then again, I don't have any kids. 1.00

01:08:44.000 So maybe it made him crazy.

01:08:46.000 Like when a dog has a baby, it starts to get super protective.

01:08:49.000 Well, Dr. Drew says, and I don't know if Dr. Drew's right, but Dr. Drew says that he thinks that what it is is an imbalance.

01:08:54.000 He thinks that Mel Gibson is something wrong with his brain.

01:08:57.000 Yeah, for sure. 0.98

01:08:57.000 He's bipolar. 0.98

01:08:58.000 Well, because if he's getting hammered all the time and then yelling at cops about juice.

01:09:01.000 That was the other thing Dr. Drew said. 0.90

01:09:03.000 He was talking about recovery and the fact that Mel was in recovery for alcohol and then he might have fucked up and fell off the wagon. 0.99

01:09:09.000 So he might legitimately be crazy. 0.99

01:09:12.000 Yeah.

01:09:12.000 Sounds like it.

01:09:13.000 Sounds like it, right? 0.96

01:09:14.000 Because that's not normal guy psycho.

01:09:16.000 He would hug up after he said his piece. 0.86

01:09:18.000 Brian, you ever met anybody that crazy? 0.98

01:09:20.000 Yeah, it's usually thyroid conditions and shit like that, but maybe he just got so stuck into the lethal weapon role. 0.99

01:09:26.000 You met somebody that crazy? 0.99

01:09:27.000 Huh? 0.84

01:09:28.000 Who do you know that's that crazy? 0.98

01:09:30.000 I made a stripper that crazy. 1.00

01:09:31.000 You don't have to say names. 0.89

01:09:32.000 An ex?

01:09:35.000 No.

01:09:36.000 Okay, no.

01:09:36.000 Not an ex.

01:09:37.000 Just a person you know.

01:09:38.000 Just a girl I know that I used to work with.

01:09:40.000 Okay.

01:09:41.000 Oh, that girl. 1.00

01:09:41.000 The one with the hair. 1.00

01:09:43.000 Yes, that girl. 0.99

01:09:44.000 And that girl would get that crazy? 1.00

01:09:46.000 Huh?

01:09:47.000 Well, you could tell it was a irritation brought on by, you know, chemicals.

01:09:53.000 Chemical stuff, you know?

01:09:54.000 Yeah.

01:09:55.000 And you could tell it was just one day was awesome.

01:09:58.000 Other day, it was like the worst storm. 1.00

01:10:01.000 And people that don't have any medical issues are so quick to dismiss that shit. 1.00

01:10:05.000 Right. 1.00

01:10:05.000 You know, the bottom line is, man, the body fucks up and sometimes doesn't produce the shit it's supposed to produce. 1.00

01:10:10.000 Right. 1.00

01:10:11.000 Totally.

01:10:11.000 I just think anytime somebody has, you know, whatever, a mental condition, And then he exacerbates it with alcohol, drugs, or whatever.

01:10:21.000 Maybe he's popping them Adderalls.

01:10:23.000 That'll make you psyched up.

01:10:24.000 A lot of guys who write do Adderall.

01:10:27.000 Yeah, because you sit there and super focused and write.

01:10:30.000 I tried that, and I had to flip out like that.

01:10:32.000 Because a doctor said, oh, you have ADD. Oh, really?

01:10:35.000 I have ADD? I'm just hyperactive, really.

01:10:37.000 And then he gave me that stuff.

01:10:38.000 And for a while, I was writing blogs on MayhemMiller.com.

01:10:41.000 I was writing whatever.

01:10:42.000 Yeah.

01:10:43.000 Man, out of nowhere, I just start flipping out, like, losing my mind.

01:10:47.000 Well, it's like speed.

01:10:48.000 Yeah, it is speed.

01:10:49.000 It's methamphetamine salts.

01:10:51.000 That's what it's called.

01:10:52.000 They didn't even hide the name in a different name.

01:10:54.000 It's called methamphetamine salts?

01:10:56.000 Yeah, that's what it's called.

01:10:57.000 The generic, if you get generic, it's methamphetamine salts, generic for Adderall.

01:11:01.000 Like, whoa, they're selling this to kids.

01:11:03.000 Brian, look that up.

01:11:05.000 Did you look that up?

01:11:06.000 No, I believe you, but I want to know.

01:11:08.000 Because after it made me crazy, I was like, dude.

01:11:10.000 The chemical term is, that's insane.

01:11:12.000 Yeah.

01:11:12.000 I have a friend who's on it.

01:11:13.000 What should I Google?

01:11:14.000 Adderall.

01:11:15.000 Adderall.

01:11:16.000 And I don't know, technical name?

01:11:19.000 Chicks take it all the time. 1.00

01:11:20.000 Just Adderall.

01:11:20.000 I bet in Wikipedia it probably tells you.

01:11:22.000 I know two model chicks who take that because it kills your appetite and they just walk around super scrawny and ripped up. 1.00

01:11:30.000 Oh my God, that's so crazy.

01:11:31.000 How much B12 do you take per day?

01:11:33.000 I probably take 500 milligrams.

01:11:35.000 Are you sure about that?

01:11:36.000 Why?

01:11:37.000 Just wondering.

01:11:38.000 He's just being a weirdo.

01:11:40.000 Alright, I found Adderall.

01:11:41.000 I like niacin better.

01:11:42.000 I have a buddy who's a comic who's on the Adderall, and he says it helps him tremendously.

01:11:48.000 He says before...

01:11:49.000 Yeah, well, he's a dude who doesn't take care of himself.

01:11:52.000 He's in his 40s, and he looks like he's falling apart. 1.00

01:11:56.000 He's just one of those dudes who's just never been real health conscious, and he was having issues with energy and focus, and they got him on this Adderall shit, and now this motherfucker just works his ass off. 0.99

01:12:06.000 He could just sit in front of the computer 10 hours at a stretch and write books. 0.99

01:12:09.000 Hey man, Hitler gave it to the soldiers in his army. 0.86

01:12:12.000 Hell, what am I talking about?

01:12:13.000 Methamphetamines.

01:12:14.000 Yeah, methamphetamines.

01:12:14.000 There's greenies in the Vietnam era.

01:12:17.000 The greenies, the guys are taking it and going on ruck marches for like two or three days.

01:12:21.000 Well, I thought the Japanese invented it.

01:12:23.000 I thought they invented it, and then they tested it out on kamikaze pilots.

01:12:27.000 What I had read, or maybe I had seen a documentary, I don't really remember totally, but it was something on the creation of methamphetamines, and it was connected to kamikaze pilots, that that's how they talked those guys into going crazy and slamming their plane into boats, is that they were all methed out of their heads, which totally makes sense. 0.58

01:12:43.000 Could you imagine being in war?

01:12:45.000 Could you imagine being over there in the Japanese army? 1.00

01:12:47.000 Being in war and being methed out of your fucking mind, surrounded by other dudes, methed out of your fucking mind, and everyone's got guns. 0.99

01:12:55.000 Yeah, but you know what? 0.99

01:12:56.000 Jap dudes are real serious. 0.99

01:12:58.000 I lived over there.

01:12:59.000 They're very focused on everything.

01:13:01.000 That is a warrior culture, huh?

01:13:03.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:13:03.000 I love it over there, man.

01:13:04.000 Do you?

01:13:05.000 It's great.

01:13:05.000 I love it.

01:13:06.000 I lived over there.

01:13:06.000 You're a huge star over there, too.

01:13:07.000 You're a much bigger star in Japan than you are in America.

01:13:11.000 I wish that I could fight over there more, but right now the economy is in shambles. 0.97

01:13:15.000 They fucking love you over there, though. 0.98

01:13:17.000 Oh, man. 0.98

01:13:17.000 It's great. 0.98

01:13:17.000 You know why? 0.98

01:13:18.000 Because I make an effort.

01:13:19.000 Actually, my Ryo Chonen, my best buddy, I call him Aniki.

01:13:23.000 That means, like, big brother.

01:13:24.000 And he's, like, my guy.

01:13:26.000 And I lived over there.

01:13:27.000 And I, like, because of the limited Japanese I can speak, I assimilated with Japanese fighters.

01:13:32.000 Yeah.

01:13:32.000 And I would just be me and, you know, 18 Japanese fighters eating at a sumo restaurant.

01:13:38.000 Like, that is me and a bunch of Japanese dudes.

01:13:41.000 And I kind of got used to their culture.

01:13:43.000 Right.

01:13:43.000 And kind of got into it.

01:13:44.000 Like, I was like, man, I'm a Japanese dude right now.

01:13:46.000 They're so serious, man.

01:13:48.000 You know, and I love how they do.

01:13:49.000 But, nope, that's not true.

01:13:50.000 But I don't mean about not joking around.

01:13:51.000 Oh, yeah.

01:13:52.000 I mean about, like, their energy, like, their warrior spirit. 0.96

01:13:55.000 They're so fucking driven with it, you know? 0.95

01:13:57.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:13:57.000 It's such an interesting culture, the culture that really appreciates the effort. 0.97

01:14:02.000 Dudes will lose and get so many fans.

01:14:05.000 Dudes will just fight like a warrior.

01:14:08.000 Go out and show heart.

01:14:09.000 In losses, you become more and more popular.

01:14:12.000 Look at Sakuraba.

01:14:13.000 It didn't matter how many times he lost.

01:14:15.000 Nobody ever gave up on him.

01:14:16.000 It's like boxing. 0.77

01:14:17.000 If De La Hoya gets knocked the fuck out two times in a row, nobody was going to go see him fight. 0.98

01:14:21.000 Everyone's going to say, hang it up, De La Hoya. 0.97

01:14:23.000 But Sakuraba, dude, it doesn't matter how many times he got his eggs scrambled. 0.92

01:14:27.000 People showed up to watch him fight again, and they cheered him like he was... 0.95

01:14:30.000 They respected him, because he's been in those Lesnar versions where he's getting his ass kicked and come back and win, you know? 0.81

01:14:36.000 I love Japan just for K1. I just love that they put on K1. Because if it wasn't for Japan, like, real high-level kickboxing, especially amongst big heavyweights and shit, there'd be nothing, man. 1.00

01:14:47.000 Where the fuck are anybody putting on shows in America? 0.97

01:14:49.000 I mean, there are Muay Thai shows and shit like that, but there's nothing televised, you know? 0.99

01:14:53.000 There's nothing where people get to see it.

01:14:54.000 Nobody, like, had that steam built like the UFC from their negative side.

01:14:59.000 Where no one had that steam built about kickboxing that anybody cared. 1.00

01:15:03.000 Kickboxing was like a stupid movie. 0.99

01:15:05.000 Amongst high-level guys, though, man, it's so fucking exciting. 1.00

01:15:09.000 The PKA, that PKA karate shit in the 80s ruined kickboxing in America. 0.97

01:15:13.000 Yeah, because everybody got the... 0.99

01:15:15.000 Bad Brad Heftin and shit, throwing flippy kicks. 1.00

01:15:18.000 Yeah, it's like a super D-level athlete doing shit in high pants. 0.99

01:15:22.000 And there's such a big difference between kickboxing above the waist and kickboxing with leg kicks. 0.99

01:15:27.000 You add those leg kicks, it changes the whole fucking game. 0.98

01:15:30.000 Well, you've got to be way stronger. 0.99

01:15:31.000 You have to be like a strong, tough dude who mentally can take it.

01:15:35.000 Because, yo, my legs are sore right now from this morning's training.

01:15:38.000 And I only took like two with shin pads on.

01:15:41.000 Did you see the Hizo Shamrock fight? 1.00

01:15:43.000 Last weekend?

01:15:45.000 Pedro Hizzo?

01:15:45.000 Ken Shamrock?

01:15:46.000 Yeah, I didn't see that.

01:15:47.000 Ken Shamrock got smashed by Pedro Hizzo.

01:15:49.000 He stood up with him.

01:15:51.000 But he finished him with a leg kick. 0.99

01:15:53.000 The final leg kick.

01:15:55.000 It is so hard to watch, man.

01:15:57.000 You watch, you just go, ah!

01:15:59.000 You could feel Pedro with those tree trunk legs.

01:16:02.000 Just the bone just slams into Ken's leg.

01:16:05.000 And he's been kicking like that for years.

01:16:07.000 For years. 0.99

01:16:08.000 The Randy Couture fight, Randy had to rehab his legs for six fucking months. 0.98

01:16:12.000 Oh, I know. 0.98

01:16:12.000 He has like a weird vein sticking out of it from that fight. 0.98

01:16:15.000 So does Randallman from Pedro Hizzo.

01:16:16.000 Both guys from Hizzo. 0.99

01:16:18.000 Because Hizzo would chop at you so hard with such good technique and he's so fucking big. 0.99

01:16:23.000 He would jack guys' legs so bad. 0.99

01:16:25.000 They would literally never be the same again.

01:16:26.000 I'll tell you, you know, you, as a fighter, one of the rare, awesome things that I've seen in my life, like...

01:16:33.000 I just remember the first time I kicked somebody real good in their ribs, I kicked them hard with my shin bone.

01:16:39.000 It was one of the most amazing feelings because I never knew Muay Thai.

01:16:43.000 I moved to California and trained Muay Thai for real and kicked the pads real hard.

01:16:47.000 And then I remember the guy came and he threw a jab and I turned and kicked.

01:16:52.000 And when my shin went into his ribs, I could feel everything move in there.

01:17:00.000 Man!

01:17:00.000 Almost unreal feeling in my life because I felt his body change because of what I was doing.

01:17:07.000 And I was like, man!

01:17:08.000 And he was...

01:17:09.000 After that point of the fight, he was kind of done.

01:17:12.000 Like, he was like...

01:17:12.000 And then he let me beat him up.

01:17:14.000 Because I kicked him... 0.70

01:17:16.000 I got him a good one in the ribs. 0.91

01:17:17.000 And he was done after that.

01:17:19.000 Because, you know, your body...

01:17:21.000 Your body's not meant to go that way.

01:17:23.000 Muay Thai is the way to go. 0.99

01:17:24.000 There's some kicks from Taekwondo that are really effective that guys are using now.

01:17:29.000 Like Kong Lee's bringing back the turning side kick in the 360. Taekwondo dudes in sparring would piss me off. 1.00

01:17:34.000 You learn how to kick where you're like...

01:17:37.000 It's a hard one, but it's so fast.

01:17:40.000 And it's not the same as a Muay Thai kick where you're digging through with the whole body.

01:17:44.000 There's more time to prepare.

01:17:46.000 It's faster. 0.99

01:17:47.000 Man, the guys would piss me off and just kick me across the face real quick.

01:17:49.000 The best guys are the guys who have the combination of both types of styles.

01:17:53.000 They have the ability to throw, like, Taekwondo fast kicks, side kicks, and turning side kicks.

01:17:57.000 But they also have the Muay Thai leg kicks.

01:17:59.000 And the Muay Thai defense is important, too. 0.98

01:18:02.000 You know, you've got to know how to fucking deal with those shins slamming into your arms. 1.00

01:18:05.000 Because those PKA guys, they never got kicked like that. 0.99

01:18:08.000 Very rarely did a guy get his arm broken in PKA. But in, like, K-1, LeBannon broke his arm.

01:18:13.000 I mean, Frank Shamrock got his arm broken.

01:18:14.000 Well, because you have to be aware of the leg kicks, too.

01:18:17.000 So, like, you're, like...

01:18:19.000 Worrying about, oh, this guy's going to kick me in the leg, you're right in prime range for him to kick your arm off its socket.

01:18:23.000 It's that, but it's also the shin.

01:18:25.000 Those other guys just did not understand the power of the shin.

01:18:28.000 Everybody was going instep.

01:18:29.000 I understand the power.

01:18:30.000 Yeah, but here's what.

01:18:31.000 If you take away a Muay Thai guy's leg kicks and make him fight PK, that style of above the waist... 0.99

01:18:38.000 It lends itself for, like, slap fights.

01:18:40.000 Yeah.

01:18:41.000 It doesn't turn into, like, a real kickboxing match where you've got to worry.

01:18:44.000 There's another huge element when you add knees and you add those leg kicks.

01:18:47.000 Oh, definitely.

01:18:47.000 Huge, huge, huge element.

01:18:48.000 Because, you know why?

01:18:49.000 I've thought about it a lot, and I've visualized it a lot.

01:18:52.000 And I always, like, in my fights, I always feel...

01:18:55.000 Okay, this is the end of my range with my hands.

01:18:58.000 And I go, I feel them out with my legs.

01:19:00.000 I go, okay, that's the end of my range with my kicks.

01:19:03.000 And I figure that out in the first minute or two.

01:19:05.000 And I go, okay, that's where I can play.

01:19:07.000 Okay, so then, you know, with that kickboxing thing, You've got to stand so close to each other and whatnot.

01:19:15.000 You can't really get a good dig, you know?

01:19:18.000 You can't really get...

01:19:19.000 There wasn't exciting knockouts. 1.00

01:19:21.000 It was like a lot of times guys standing like Rock'em Sock'em robots just up kicking at each other.

01:19:25.000 I mean, there were some exciting fighters like Don the Dragon Wilson was really exciting at it.

01:19:29.000 I was like a little kid who watched that.

01:19:31.000 Dennis Alexio, he fought when they had leg kick style.

01:19:35.000 That was leg kick style. 1.00

01:19:36.000 There's a transition where they were trying to put leg kick fights on TV. I remember Don Wilson fought Alexio on TV. They were?

01:19:43.000 What year was this?

01:19:43.000 I don't remember, man.

01:19:44.000 It was back in the Disney sun.

01:19:45.000 But Don the Dragon Wilson fucked up Dennis Alexio with leg kicks.

01:19:49.000 That's how he won that fight.

01:19:50.000 But once you take that away, there's not a big spot where you can set up To make a hard kick to the...

01:19:58.000 Aren't you surprised, though, that someone hasn't figured out a way to do some sort of a K-1 thing in America? 0.94

01:20:03.000 I know K-1 has had a few fights in America, but how the fuck is that not on TV? Whenever that shit's on, like the K-1 Grand Prix, I get fired up, man. 0.98

01:20:12.000 Well, HDNet. 1.00

01:20:13.000 HDNet all the time.

01:20:14.000 Yeah, they put it on there, but, you know, it's one of those things that hasn't broken up into mainstream.

01:20:18.000 Thank God for Mark Cuban and that HDNet, man.

01:20:20.000 I watch more MMA because of HDNet than anything else.

01:20:22.000 That's a great network.

01:20:23.000 I'm just surprised that no one's got a kickboxing league.

01:20:25.000 I think kickboxing.

01:20:26.000 Chuck Norris's got a kickboxing league. 1.00

01:20:28.000 Shut your fucking mouth. 1.00

01:20:28.000 I went to that shit, son. 1.00

01:20:29.000 I got a hug by Chuck Norris. 1.00

01:20:30.000 Yeah!

01:20:31.000 One of the proudest moments of my life, and I was so pissed, I didn't want to go back and say, can I take a picture with you and be all cheesy.

01:20:36.000 But Chuck Norris, when he met me, he reached out his hand and gave me this big, giant hug.

01:20:40.000 And he slapped me on the back.

01:20:41.000 I'm like, I'm in!

01:20:43.000 I'm in!

01:20:44.000 Do you understand me?

01:20:45.000 I just got love from Chuck Norris.

01:20:47.000 Do you remember any details from that day?

01:20:48.000 Like a certain smell?

01:20:50.000 Yeah.

01:20:51.000 Love.

01:20:52.000 I remember Love was in the air.

01:20:53.000 No, dude.

01:20:53.000 We were at Vegas and we were at a WCL, one of those World Kickboxing Leagues or whatever the name of it was.

01:20:59.000 It was Vegas or Atlantic City?

01:21:00.000 I think it was Vegas.

01:21:01.000 I'm not sure.

01:21:02.000 Anyway, I just went up and I said to one of the guys that was working there, I said, do you think I can meet Chuck Norris?

01:21:08.000 And the guy goes, yeah. 0.99

01:21:09.000 I'm like, fuck. 1.00

01:21:09.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

01:21:10.000 Come on, man! 1.00

01:21:10.000 And he just brought me over to Chuck Norris, and I was just going to say, sir, I'm a huge fan. 1.00

01:21:14.000 Very nice to meet you. 0.96

01:21:15.000 But Chuck Norris fucking opens his arms, gives me this big, giant smile, and says, Joe! 0.98

01:21:21.000 What's going on, man? 0.99

01:21:22.000 He gives me this big hug.

01:21:23.000 Joe Rogan is so awesome.

01:21:25.000 He got a hug from Chuck Norris and lived to tell the tale.

01:21:29.000 It is beard scratching cheeks.

01:21:31.000 I wish it did.

01:21:31.000 Dude, I was...

01:21:32.000 For real, man, as a kid, I was a huge fucking Chuck Norris fan. 0.98

01:21:37.000 Enter the Dragon, that fight with Bruce Lee, all the fucking missing in action movies. 1.00

01:21:41.000 I mean, as dumb as they were. 1.00

01:21:43.000 Delta Force? 1.00

01:21:44.000 What was that?

01:21:44.000 Lone Wolf?

01:21:45.000 That was the shit, son. 1.00

01:21:46.000 Come on, man. 1.00

01:21:47.000 With a little David Carradine.

01:21:49.000 Extra points. 1.00

01:21:51.000 Dude, Chuck Norris was the fucking man. 1.00

01:21:53.000 So for me, to have Chuck Norris recognize me and give me his big hug and call me by name, I was like, oh, shit. 1.00

01:21:59.000 It's like the best birthday present ever. 0.99

01:22:01.000 The game has changed.

01:22:02.000 Morpheus.

01:22:04.000 What?

01:22:05.000 No?

01:22:05.000 You don't want to do audio?

01:22:06.000 Oh, that would be fun.

01:22:07.000 Brian, I don't want to talk about that.

01:22:09.000 I don't know what you guys are talking about.

01:22:10.000 I don't care.

01:22:12.000 I don't want to give him fuel.

01:22:14.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:22:15.000 I see you, baby. 1.00

01:22:17.000 Shaking that ass. 1.00

01:22:18.000 Shaking that ass. 1.00

01:22:18.000 Your dog's giving up on trying to kill the cat. 1.00

01:22:20.000 Yeah, he's good.

01:22:21.000 He just wants to kick it. 0.99

01:22:23.000 He was ready to fucking engage. 0.99

01:22:25.000 Yo, man. 1.00

01:22:26.000 Yo, he hates squirrels, birds, and cats. 1.00

01:22:28.000 He will fuck some shit up. 1.00

01:22:30.000 If he can get a hold of it, he'll run. 1.00

01:22:33.000 I've seen him run into a busy ass. 0.99

01:22:35.000 On Fairfax and Third, he ran out into the street after a bird. 0.99

01:22:41.000 Let me ask you this.

01:22:42.000 What do you think about Strikeforce?

01:22:44.000 Do you like working for them?

01:22:45.000 Yeah.

01:22:46.000 So cool, so good.

01:22:46.000 Everyone's cool with you?

01:22:47.000 Yeah, you know, I feel like they just have some certain problems that will be fixed as time goes on.

01:22:54.000 Do you think if it wasn't for this battle with the Diaz brothers, this thing in post-fight thing with Gilbert Melendez and anything, do you think you would be challenging for the title right now?

01:23:02.000 Because Jake just abandoned it.

01:23:04.000 Yeah.

01:23:05.000 You know, I mean, you had the toughest fight with him.

01:23:07.000 Your fight with him was way tougher than Henderson's fight with him.

01:23:10.000 It looks, you know...

01:23:11.000 I guess, you know what, I shouldn't say that.

01:23:13.000 That's not really fair.

01:23:13.000 Because Dan came really close to putting him out in the first round.

01:23:16.000 Yeah, he did.

01:23:16.000 Same thing.

01:23:17.000 Dan came closer to putting him out, really. 0.61

01:23:19.000 But Jake is such a damn good fighter, he like... 0.99

01:23:22.000 Jake's tough as fuck. 1.00

01:23:22.000 Yeah, he went, fuck it, I'm just gonna keep going. 1.00

01:23:25.000 But from that point on, it was a rout. 1.00

01:23:27.000 Yeah.

01:23:27.000 I mean, it wasn't close.

01:23:28.000 I was like, damn. 0.98

01:23:29.000 It seemed like Dan was having a hard time making weight. 0.98

01:23:30.000 It didn't seem like the normal Dan.

01:23:32.000 Oh, really?

01:23:32.000 Yeah.

01:23:33.000 I think 85 is hard for him, man.

01:23:35.000 He looked kind of run down.

01:23:38.000 Yeah.

01:23:38.000 Dan's a thick dude.

01:23:39.000 I think him making 85. Hell no.

01:23:41.000 I disagree with you.

01:23:42.000 I know this because I train with Dan.

01:23:43.000 He walks around like 197. But he doesn't like cutting that weight, man.

01:23:48.000 Well, of course, because, dude, he's fucking 40 years old. 0.98

01:23:51.000 Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. 0.99

01:23:53.000 I'm saying at that age.

01:23:54.000 You know, you get over it.

01:23:55.000 I'm sure you get over it.

01:23:56.000 You know, he's been making weight since he was what?

01:23:58.000 Brian, what was that?

01:23:59.000 What are you doing?

01:24:00.000 Nothing.

01:24:02.000 He's like eight years old or something.

01:24:04.000 I know, but when you get to be 40, that's really hard to do.

01:24:06.000 Yeah, for sure. 1.00

01:24:07.000 But Dan, if he catches you with that fucking right hand, god damn you got problems. 1.00

01:24:11.000 We all know that. 1.00

01:24:12.000 That dude's got one missile, man.

01:24:14.000 He knocked out Vanderlei with his left.

01:24:17.000 Oh, he's got a strong core, and when he twists, Oh, yeah.

01:24:20.000 It's super hard punch. 1.00

01:24:21.000 Yeah, you got fucking problems, you know? 0.99

01:24:23.000 I mean, he's not like, you know, a Masato technique striker. 1.00

01:24:27.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:24:27.000 But goddamn, he's got haymakers. 0.99

01:24:29.000 But, you know, yeah, maybe I kind of gave Strikeforce a black eye. 0.99

01:24:32.000 You know, I brought some attention to us, but I gave Strikeforce a black eye a little bit by causing that whole drama.

01:24:38.000 But did you cause it?

01:24:39.000 You didn't want to start a fight.

01:24:40.000 I didn't want to start a fight, of course.

01:24:42.000 I wanted to go in there and ask You wanted to hype up a rematch and everybody's on CBS? Let's make some money.

01:24:47.000 Let's get everybody fired up and enthusiastic about this and everybody wins.

01:24:50.000 It's not like you were going in there with an angry, mean face on, looking to fight them right now and there.

01:24:55.000 What it was was, it's like, I don't know, does CBS not get it?

01:24:59.000 Everybody was mad at me.

01:25:00.000 And I'm like, guys, what happened?

01:25:02.000 Negative here.

01:25:04.000 I got jumped on.

01:25:05.000 I didn't get hurt.

01:25:06.000 I totally did not understand why you were getting all the blame for that.

01:25:09.000 I know.

01:25:10.000 The people who should have got the blame were the people who let you in.

01:25:12.000 No one should have let you in.

01:25:13.000 That was an oversight.

01:25:14.000 They know that now.

01:25:15.000 It'll never happen again.

01:25:16.000 That's what running a business is all about.

01:25:18.000 No one's perfect. 0.99

01:25:19.000 But once that's said, what it was was there was too many fucking people in the octagon. 0.97

01:25:25.000 There was you who was an unwanted person in the octagon, and you were interfering with someone who was getting their glory. 0.98

01:25:31.000 The whole thing was just badly run.

01:25:33.000 It was chaos. 1.00

01:25:34.000 You get a bunch of fucking dogs together, okay? 1.00

01:25:37.000 And dogs start growling, and shit happens. 1.00

01:25:39.000 You can't get mad at the dogs. 1.00

01:25:40.000 You just can't. 1.00

01:25:42.000 Look, I think those guys shouldn't have done that, but fuck, man. 1.00

01:25:45.000 Emotions run high after victories. 1.00

01:25:47.000 Things happen.

01:25:47.000 People get crazy.

01:25:48.000 And what's the worst that happened?

01:25:51.000 Mayhem got jumped on TV. Yeah, you got fucking kicked in the head while you were on the ground. 0.99

01:25:55.000 I got fined for it and it's suspended. 0.99

01:25:58.000 How long did they suspend you for?

01:25:59.000 Three months.

01:26:00.000 Three months.

01:26:00.000 But if I would have argued with it, it would have been like nine months.

01:26:04.000 You can't win.

01:26:05.000 You can't win, I know.

01:26:06.000 Because if you win, it sets a precedent.

01:26:07.000 I know, yeah.

01:26:09.000 When is the last time anybody ever tried to get a fight overturned or protested something, ever, and it came through?

01:26:16.000 Any steroid tests, anything?

01:26:18.000 And it worked?

01:26:22.000 No, it didn't.

01:26:24.000 It never works.

01:26:25.000 Yeah, Benji Radek protested the Scott Smith fight, wasn't it?

01:26:29.000 I guess.

01:26:29.000 Yeah.

01:26:30.000 I think he thought it would stop too soon.

01:26:31.000 You know what, man? 0.99

01:26:34.000 People fuck up, and it's a terrible thing that people fuck up, but once they fuck up, it's very rare that anyone's going to go. 0.99

01:26:39.000 I just like to look straight into the future with a positive mindset, and usually it works out for me. 0.98

01:26:43.000 So who do they have lined up for you in October?

01:26:45.000 I'm not sure.

01:26:46.000 We're trying to put Nick Diaz together.

01:26:49.000 Uh-oh.

01:26:50.000 Goodness.

01:26:50.000 Yeah, a little grudge match.

01:26:51.000 So guess what?

01:26:52.000 I started a grudge match, and it ended up, now they're going to use it.

01:26:56.000 You know what I mean?

01:26:57.000 Like, okay, now we got a grudge match.

01:26:59.000 Well, that would be a hyped-up fight. 0.97

01:27:00.000 Damn right. 0.94

01:27:02.000 So that would be in October? 0.93

01:27:04.000 Do you know where it's going to be at?

01:27:05.000 Nope.

01:27:05.000 I don't know anything.

01:27:06.000 I don't know if it's happening yet, but I like to rub my mouth off and hopefully make it happen.

01:27:11.000 Are you bummed out that you don't fight for the UFC? No.

01:27:14.000 No?

01:27:14.000 You're fine with Strikeforce?

01:27:16.000 No, I got a good deal and whatever.

01:27:18.000 And cool, yeah, the UFC is the biggest show in town, and I understand that. 0.99

01:27:21.000 But when you see Chael Sonnen challenging Anderson for the title, you look at that shit and say, God damn it, that could be me. 0.99

01:27:27.000 I wish, yeah. 0.99

01:27:28.000 I wish I could fight Anderson.

01:27:30.000 It's like one of those things, like right now at this stage of my career, cool.

01:27:34.000 If something gets worked out where I could work with them in the future, okay, cool.

01:27:38.000 But, you know, right now I have a contract and, you know, I'm generally pretty happy and, you know, whatever.

01:27:44.000 How cool are you with Dana?

01:27:46.000 Are you and Dana cool?

01:27:46.000 I don't know.

01:27:47.000 I don't know about it.

01:27:49.000 She doesn't say hi to me. 0.99

01:27:50.000 So I'm like, oh, well, damn. 0.99

01:27:52.000 They didn't say hi to me. 0.99

01:27:53.000 But I don't know.

01:27:54.000 Do you think he thinks you're crazy, Mamby?

01:27:55.000 Yeah, I think he thinks I'm crazy.

01:27:57.000 And I don't blame him because my actions are crazy.

01:28:00.000 I'm crazy, but I'm pretty controlled.

01:28:02.000 And if I can get on the same page as somebody, we can be crazy. 0.81

01:28:06.000 I'll be the crazy guy, and you make some money.

01:28:08.000 You know what I mean? 0.91

01:28:09.000 We'll both make money.

01:28:10.000 How long do you think Billy B-Town is going to go on?

01:28:13.000 Man.

01:28:14.000 Way too long.

01:28:15.000 I think I'll be old man forever.

01:28:17.000 Yeah, dude.

01:28:17.000 It's a juggernaut.

01:28:18.000 God.

01:28:19.000 I thought it wasn't, and then I did the third season.

01:28:22.000 I recorded it all, and it'll be released.

01:28:24.000 Do you know how crazy it would be if you were on Bully Beatdown and on The Ultimate Fighter at the same time?

01:28:29.000 Bro, I already have too much TVA time as it is right now.

01:28:33.000 You can't take it?

01:28:34.000 Yeah.

01:28:34.000 No, I like it.

01:28:36.000 No, I don't mind.

01:28:36.000 I don't mind.

01:28:37.000 But what I'm saying is, I don't know.

01:28:38.000 People might get sick of mayhem.

01:28:41.000 No one's going to get sick of you, Mayhem.

01:28:43.000 Don't worry about that, fella.

01:28:44.000 We're here for you.

01:28:45.000 Just take a little bit less B12. What is it about the B12? It gives you energy.

01:28:50.000 You think you're taking too much B12? I'm good.

01:28:53.000 You know what?

01:28:54.000 I'm dating this girl. 0.99

01:28:55.000 Niacin fucking freaks me out, man. 1.00

01:28:57.000 Oh, man, you burned your whole body. 1.00

01:29:00.000 Man, you know what?

01:29:01.000 I got used to it now, and I like it.

01:29:02.000 I like it a little bit, too.

01:29:03.000 Like it's burning my whole body, but I like it.

01:29:06.000 I'm dating this girl who got me all the vitamins and whatnot, and man, I'm like, this is the best thing that happened to me.

01:29:11.000 That's very important, man.

01:29:12.000 Supplements, it's amazing to think that you never took them.

01:29:14.000 You know what?

01:29:15.000 I just started taking supplements like this year.

01:29:17.000 I never took supplements.

01:29:18.000 I was just like, whatever.

01:29:19.000 Wow.

01:29:20.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:29:21.000 It's stupid what it is. 1.00

01:29:22.000 Yeah, you need some supplements, son. 1.00

01:29:24.000 Yeah, I didn't think that it was that important, but man, I feel it.

01:29:27.000 I'm Market difference.

01:29:28.000 Well, you know, what it is is it's marketed if you listen to people like doctors who tell you all you need is a multivitamin.

01:29:37.000 All that stuff is nonsense.

01:29:39.000 You know why?

01:29:39.000 It's because it's not FDA approved.

01:29:41.000 Oh, it's not approved.

01:29:42.000 Well, it doesn't mean just because it's not approved doesn't mean it doesn't work.

01:29:45.000 There's a lot of anecdotal evidence from people that are taking it that are having pretty positive results.

01:29:50.000 There's like nootropics that I take that make your brain work better.

01:29:53.000 There's a whole bunch of different...

01:29:54.000 Yeah.

01:29:54.000 Give me some of that.

01:29:55.000 Yeah, I got some. 0.99

01:29:56.000 I'll write you down a list of all the different shit. 0.99

01:29:59.000 Resveratrol. 0.99

01:30:00.000 Well, that's an excellent antioxidant, but there's a bunch of different things that are designed.

01:30:05.000 Look up nootropics.

01:30:06.000 Designed just to increase cerebral activity.

01:30:08.000 You're talking about that, and I think that we live in a culture where...

01:30:13.000 It's not about living better, really.

01:30:15.000 It's about just living above the death line.

01:30:19.000 Nobody wants to really think about it.

01:30:22.000 Yeah, nobody wants to be feeling fantastic.

01:30:24.000 Yeah, it's like, you know, I had a conversation with you once.

01:30:26.000 No, feeling fantastic is bad and wrong.

01:30:29.000 That's why you're not allowed to smoke pot anywhere but California.

01:30:32.000 Well, there's that.

01:30:33.000 You know, how about men... 0.98

01:30:34.000 How much does it drive you crazy when dudes who don't work out will talk shit on exercise and the importance of keeping your body healthy? 0.98

01:30:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:30:42.000 It's just that ignorant view where a lot of people are ignorant and then they take pride in their ignorance. 0.99

01:30:48.000 Yeah, it's like, dude, when your body works better, your brain feels better. 0.99

01:30:51.000 It all works better.

01:30:52.000 The whole thing flows better.

01:30:53.000 So true.

01:30:55.000 But nobody wants to admit that that's their issue.

01:30:58.000 Nobody wants to admit that...

01:30:59.000 Their lack of exercise and everything.

01:31:01.000 No, no, no.

01:31:01.000 I don't need.

01:31:02.000 Nobody needs to work out.

01:31:03.000 I don't want to. 1.00

01:31:04.000 Comics are fucking famous for that kind of shit. 1.00

01:31:07.000 Comics are always bitching and whining and they just want to sleep till three and don't do anything. 1.00

01:31:13.000 Constantly. 1.00

01:31:13.000 That shit is so important for you, man. 1.00

01:31:15.000 Well, I just think that people in general, it's easier to be lazy and then bitch about it because that's funny and you get positive reinforcement from people laughing at that. 1.00

01:31:24.000 Like, oh yeah, I hate working out too.

01:31:26.000 Yeah, there's a little bit of that.

01:31:28.000 Misery loves company.

01:31:29.000 But I had a conversation with a dude once where he was talking about what's the point in exercising?

01:31:33.000 What's the point in working out? 0.73

01:31:34.000 I go, alright, if I could give you a pill and this pill would give you a super powerful body, like ridiculous, much more powerful than a normal person. 0.98

01:31:42.000 You could literally take the normal man and strangle him at will. 1.00

01:31:45.000 You could take him, manhandle him, treat him like a girl and choke him to death. 1.00

01:31:50.000 If I give you a pill that would give you that, wouldn't you take it? 0.99

01:31:53.000 Wouldn't you want to have that power?

01:31:54.000 I mean, wouldn't you want to have this superpower? 0.79

01:31:56.000 I'd give you a pill and it turns you into an assassin. 1.00

01:31:58.000 And I'm like, well, you can have that, stupid. 1.00

01:32:00.000 All you have to do is work out. 1.00

01:32:01.000 If you train and you do some kettlebells...

01:32:03.000 It's way different than a pill.

01:32:06.000 When were you working as a salesman at 24 Hour Fitness?

01:32:10.000 I don't understand that.

01:32:12.000 Legends.

01:32:13.000 Legends in Hollywood.

01:32:13.000 They've got me on the 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu affiliation program.

01:32:17.000 I'm trying to sign people up.

01:32:18.000 You enjoy working out, though, where a lot of people don't enjoy working out.

01:32:22.000 You know what I enjoy?

01:32:23.000 I enjoy Jiu-Jitsu because Jiu-Jitsu to me is an awesome distraction.

01:32:27.000 I've got so much going on in my life.

01:32:29.000 When I get into jiu-jitsu and I'm rolling with some dude and we are just trying to kill each other. 0.72

01:32:33.000 I'm trying to choke him.

01:32:34.000 He's trying to choke me.

01:32:35.000 We are battling.

01:32:36.000 We're pacing ourselves. 1.00

01:32:37.000 I know what this motherfucker's doing. 1.00

01:32:39.000 He keeps going for the deep half sweep. 1.00

01:32:40.000 I gotta keep that underhook.

01:32:41.000 I gotta stop him.

01:32:42.000 There's like this battle going on. 0.97

01:32:43.000 And when that battle's going on, man, I don't think about shit else. 0.52

01:32:46.000 I'm not thinking about I need to clean my office.

01:32:48.000 I'm not thinking about I need to call that dude about this thing. 0.74

01:32:51.000 I need to get my shit together and write this new material. 0.80

01:32:54.000 No, I'm just doing jujitsu. 0.92

01:32:56.000 I'm in that zone because it's so difficult to do.

01:33:00.000 It puts you in the zone. 0.99

01:33:01.000 And it's like a fun fucking game. 0.99

01:33:03.000 Yeah, while we're on it, you need to clean your office, bro. 0.99

01:33:05.000 A little bit, right?

01:33:06.000 Yeah, if you only had the passion with cleaning.

01:33:09.000 I like the clean!

01:33:11.000 I like the vacuum!

01:33:12.000 I love Windex!

01:33:14.000 Pinesaw!

01:33:14.000 Yeah!

01:33:15.000 That's a new show, dude. 1.00

01:33:16.000 The fucking aggro cleaning guy. 1.00

01:33:18.000 I fucking love shit cleaning! 1.00

01:33:20.000 Hey, you're telling me that Mr. Clean's not on juice? 1.00

01:33:22.000 Look at that guy.

01:33:23.000 He lost all his hair. 0.89

01:33:24.000 He's jacked. 0.74

01:33:25.000 He looks like Christoph Suszynski.

01:33:26.000 He does.

01:33:27.000 He does, right?

01:33:27.000 With no tattoos.

01:33:28.000 With no tattoos. 1.00

01:33:29.000 He's all swollen shit. 1.00

01:33:31.000 Christoph is a fucking sculpted specimen. 1.00

01:33:33.000 Yeah, he is, right? 1.00

01:33:34.000 How the hell do you look like that? 1.00

01:33:35.000 Goddamn specimen. 1.00

01:33:36.000 Specimen! 1.00

01:33:37.000 Cool motherfucker, too. 1.00

01:33:39.000 Him and his girl. 1.00

01:33:40.000 Hung out with them in England. 1.00

01:33:41.000 Cool shit. 1.00

01:33:41.000 Cool, man. 1.00

01:33:42.000 Christoph was on The Ultimate Fighter, for people who don't know.

01:33:44.000 Super nice guy.

01:33:45.000 That's the thing about MMA that people don't realize is how many nice people there are that are involved in it.

01:33:50.000 And in martial arts in general.

01:33:51.000 Like some of the nicest people I know are dudes that have fought and dudes that train because you have like a better control of your ego. 0.99

01:33:58.000 You're like, you know, you're used to getting your ass kicked. 0.97

01:34:01.000 You're used to finding out your real boundaries by breaking yourself down, you know, by getting to the point where, you know, you literally can't fucking breathe. 0.99

01:34:10.000 You literally are in class and when everyone says time and you drop to your back, you know, you literally, you're broken.

01:34:17.000 Whereas other people, they hardly ever experience that.

01:34:20.000 They don't experience the boundaries of their drive, the boundaries of their discipline. 0.99

01:34:26.000 So the people that I've met that are fighters, some of the coolest fucking people you ever meet in your life, they have to show their ass to the world, man. 0.98

01:34:34.000 It's definitely a, you gotta drop, you gotta, whoever you are comes out in the cage. 0.99

01:34:41.000 Like, you have to really be yourself for a second, and you have to deal with the pain, and you're like, oh my god, I don't want to be a bitch, and dad, you never loved me, and shit like that goes through your head, you know? 0.94

01:34:51.000 Like, it's not, you know, you have to confront these real fears and real, you have to confront everything. 0.95

01:34:57.000 And I say all of you guys out there in cyberspace, be a cage fighter.

01:35:01.000 Just for a day.

01:35:02.000 And there's growth in that.

01:35:05.000 There's growth in that confrontation.

01:35:07.000 You know, when you understand your boundaries and you hit them, you know, you get to know yourself better. 0.98

01:35:11.000 You get to know yourself better than the average dude who doesn't do shit with his body. 0.99

01:35:15.000 There's something about doing something really difficult willpower-wise with your body, like training, especially training in jiu-jitsu and shit. 0.99

01:35:23.000 There's battles, man. 0.91

01:35:24.000 Sometimes a guy's got your back, and you're defending, and you know you can just tap out, and this is going to be over.

01:35:30.000 But the other side of your brain is going, no, we're going to gut this out as long as we possibly can.

01:35:37.000 And there's that fence that you're dancing on where you're like, let me just tap right here. 1.00

01:35:41.000 Fuck this. 1.00

01:35:41.000 But it's so uncomfortable and so difficult to get through. 1.00

01:35:44.000 But your willpower allows you to survive. 0.99

01:35:46.000 And then you get through it and you're like, motherfucker, I got through that. 1.00

01:35:49.000 I thought I was gone. 1.00

01:35:50.000 I thought I was gone.

01:35:50.000 And now I'm on top.

01:35:51.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:35:52.000 And now I'm passing. 1.00

01:35:53.000 You know, it's like this overcoming of adversity.

01:35:56.000 A lot of people never experience that, especially, like, physically, where your mind has to control your body through some uncomfort, you know?

01:36:03.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:36:03.000 Yeah, I know.

01:36:04.000 I guess you could get the same effect from, like, I don't know, run a marathon or do something.

01:36:09.000 Anything physically where you have to push your body.

01:36:11.000 The mind and the willpower have to control the body.

01:36:14.000 I think it's much more difficult when you're doing it in a competition like MMA or anything like boxing or jiu-jitsu.

01:36:20.000 Anything where a dude is trying to kill you.

01:36:22.000 Then it's much more difficult.

01:36:24.000 Yeah, definitely. 1.00

01:36:25.000 But shit, man. 1.00

01:36:26.000 Think about the kind of willpower that's involved in a tour de France. 1.00

01:36:29.000 I know.

01:36:30.000 Unbelievable.

01:36:30.000 Those guys are just pedaling.

01:36:32.000 Just pumping their legs.

01:36:33.000 Just doing the same movement.

01:36:35.000 Discipline.

01:36:35.000 Man.

01:36:36.000 Goddamn. 1.00

01:36:37.000 When I look at Lance Armstrong, I go, that must be the most boring, intense motherfucker alive. 1.00

01:36:42.000 You know? 1.00

01:36:43.000 Because he does some boring-ass shit. 1.00

01:36:45.000 He's just pedaling. 1.00

01:36:46.000 I mean, it's not boring. 0.82

01:36:47.000 I mean, obviously, they're racing, and it's awesome countryside and shit, and there's all this attention and all this energy, but...

01:36:53.000 They're doing the same thing for days. 1.00

01:36:55.000 That shit takes days. 1.00

01:36:56.000 It's like, who's the most boring, intense motherfucker on earth? 1.00

01:36:59.000 Let's find out. 1.00

01:37:00.000 Everybody get together.

01:37:01.000 Get on a bike.

01:37:02.000 Let's have the same thing for accounting or something. 0.99

01:37:05.000 Let's have the fucking accounting Olympics. 0.99

01:37:06.000 The guy's just adding fucking bills up for fucking six days straight. 0.99

01:37:10.000 Yeah, there's something about that, like sheer tests of discipline that are so uncomfortable for me. 0.99

01:37:15.000 You know, I have, you know, because as a fighter, I have, like, you know, some serious discipline to get inside the room and fight with other guys for, you know, at least an hour.

01:37:25.000 Like, I'm doing that for at least an hour a day, and pretty much my entire life I've done that. 0.97

01:37:30.000 The other side, I can't fill out a fucking form without getting distracted. 1.00

01:37:34.000 I'm sitting there, house application was the funniest thing I've ever done because I'm sitting there like, motherfucker, if you put one more paper in my face, I'm going to slap your fucking notary public face off. 1.00

01:37:46.000 I'm like, God, it's like all day just sitting there. 1.00

01:37:48.000 I hated it.

01:37:50.000 That's funny.

01:37:50.000 Yeah, it's a different mindset, I guess.

01:37:52.000 It's a different kind of discipline. 1.00

01:37:54.000 When I look at a lawyer or whatever, I'm like, wow, you fucking look at papers and read shit all day. 0.99

01:38:00.000 Dude, I am the exact same way. 1.00

01:38:02.000 I'm a retard when it comes to filling out forms and shit. 0.99

01:38:05.000 And I get onto page 10, I feel like someone's hitting me. 1.00

01:38:09.000 Someone's drowning me.

01:38:10.000 Like, stop, this is boring.

01:38:12.000 And I think what it is, is you don't want to...

01:38:16.000 You don't want to put your brain on that low an RPM where you're just reading this and reading that and making sure this is okay and making sure that's okay. 0.92

01:38:25.000 Tell that to every teacher that I fucking have worked with. 0.99

01:38:28.000 Square pegs and round holes, man. 0.99

01:38:30.000 That's what it is. 0.99

01:38:31.000 The big fucking problem with teachers is they're trying to turn everybody into a robot that assumes a job out there in the world. 0.98

01:38:38.000 And there's people with unique personalities that could be artists, and no one recognizes that. 0.99

01:38:42.000 Whether it's a martial artist or a fucking singer or a comedian, no one looks at that as a viable path for a job.

01:38:50.000 So teachers want you to be able to get a job. 0.96

01:38:52.000 They want you to do what it takes to get a job at some company and move on.

01:38:58.000 Well, let's be honest.

01:38:59.000 Most people, that's what they're going to do.

01:39:01.000 Yeah, that's what you have to do.

01:39:01.000 You can't cater...

01:39:03.000 You can't cater most schoolwork to anyone who's an artist, but there should be some way to recognize when someone's unusual.

01:39:10.000 There should be some way to recognize. 0.80

01:39:12.000 And part of it is that the kids don't have any discipline, and that's why they're fucking going squirrely, and that's why they can't read, and it's probably their home life. 0.88

01:39:17.000 But you're not going to fix that, okay? 0.98

01:39:19.000 You could try to square out that fucking round peg and shove them into that hole, but you're only going to get so far. 0.98

01:39:25.000 But then you're trying to say, okay, let's take all the wacky kids and put them in a special class. 0.99

01:39:30.000 Take all these kids who are definitely going to be construction workers, put them in this class.

01:39:34.000 No, I don't think that.

01:39:35.000 I think there should be other opportunities.

01:39:37.000 Some people don't want to be comedians.

01:39:40.000 Some people don't want to be singers.

01:39:42.000 But there should be some sort of an avenue that you find is interesting.

01:39:46.000 And you can go towards it in school.

01:39:48.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:39:49.000 But there's no viable option for class clowns, no viable options for disruptive kids.

01:39:54.000 But disruptive kids have something.

01:39:56.000 There's something there.

01:39:57.000 First of all, it's a terrible thing.

01:39:59.000 It's undisciplined.

01:40:00.000 It fucks up the school for the rest of kids.

01:40:02.000 And it's because one kid is imbalanced because one kid probably didn't get enough attention at home or one kid had an abusive family.

01:40:08.000 And this is the way he learned how to get attention by lashing out and focusing attention on himself. 0.97

01:40:13.000 That said, you've got a kid who's willing to do some crazy shit that other kids aren't willing to do now. 0.96

01:40:17.000 Okay, so you're not going to fix them. 0.96

01:40:20.000 You can teach him about the consequences of him doing that and how he's fucking it up for everybody else and that creates bad energy and this is where we're going to focus your energy but you're not going to take away that energy.

01:40:30.000 That crazy energy that some people have, it just needs to be focused.

01:40:32.000 Yeah, that was me, man.

01:40:33.000 I was the kid in high school that was like...

01:40:36.000 If you just applied yourself, Jason, if you just...

01:40:39.000 Well, I did.

01:40:40.000 I heard that so many times.

01:40:41.000 Completely different direction.

01:40:42.000 I did fighting.

01:40:43.000 I started writing.

01:40:44.000 But that's what people don't understand.

01:40:45.000 You apply yourself in that way.

01:40:47.000 Somehow or another, that's not valid.

01:40:49.000 Like, because, you know, some...

01:40:50.000 No, it doesn't fall into the archetype.

01:40:52.000 Yeah, for me it was art.

01:40:53.000 I used to draw a lot and martial arts.

01:40:56.000 So those were the two things.

01:40:56.000 And neither one of them seemed like any sort of a viable career option.

01:40:59.000 There was no money in martial arts unless you were running a school.

01:41:01.000 You didn't think of animation being a cartoonist?

01:41:03.000 Because that's what I thought.

01:41:04.000 Either a cartoonist or doing radio.

01:41:06.000 So the whole time I'm going to school, I'm like, you know what? 0.98

01:41:08.000 I don't fucking care about math history. 0.97

01:41:09.000 I'm just going to sleep because I don't care about any of this. 0.98

01:41:12.000 I'm never going to use it.

01:41:12.000 I kind of knew that the whole time.

01:41:14.000 I don't think I ever thought about animation.

01:41:15.000 No.

01:41:16.000 Why'd you think about animation?

01:41:17.000 Because I was like a huge Disney fan, cartoon fan.

01:41:20.000 Oh, really?

01:41:20.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:41:21.000 Me, I was more comic books.

01:41:22.000 I loved comic books.

01:41:23.000 Yeah, comic books too.

01:41:24.000 That's how I got into it.

01:41:25.000 Yeah, I definitely had aspirations to be a comic book artist. 0.97

01:41:27.000 We talked about this on one of the earlier podcasts, but I just had a really douchey art teacher in high school, and he had me convinced that I was going to have to draw like diaper ads and shit. 0.96

01:41:35.000 Really? 0.98

01:41:35.000 And that things were going to be boring. 0.98

01:41:36.000 Damn, you got something. 1.00

01:41:37.000 Bad teachers. 1.00

01:41:38.000 So many people have bad teachers.

01:41:40.000 I mean, he wasn't a bad teacher.

01:41:42.000 He's just bad socially. 0.79

01:41:44.000 He was a beaten man with no spine.

01:41:46.000 He had a weak will, and he didn't like being around me.

01:41:49.000 I was this martial arts fighter, this kid who was fighting in Taekwondo tournaments. 0.99

01:41:53.000 I always had Taekwondo championship t-shirts on and shit. 0.99

01:41:56.000 I was so proud that I won all these Taekwondo tournaments, so I would wear Taekwondo shit everywhere. 0.99

01:42:01.000 Because that was the first thing I was ever any good at. 0.97

01:42:03.000 You know what?

01:42:03.000 In high school, I knew that kid.

01:42:05.000 He was the karate champion.

01:42:07.000 Bro, I begged that kid.

01:42:08.000 When I was like 16, I begged him to spar.

01:42:10.000 Hey man, can we spar?

01:42:11.000 And I didn't realize that I was scaring him.

01:42:13.000 Because I was like, yeah, yeah.

01:42:15.000 No, we're going to fight. 0.94

01:42:15.000 You can kick me and use your karate. 0.94

01:42:17.000 And I know how to wrestle. 0.99

01:42:19.000 I'm going to try to fight you.

01:42:20.000 And then we'll see who wins.

01:42:21.000 And I'm telling this to this kid who's sitting there like... 1.00

01:42:24.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:42:25.000 I found out the future of MMA when I was 15 years old. 1.00

01:42:28.000 When I was a sophomore in high school.

01:42:30.000 Actually, I think I was 14. My friend Steven Artauino was on the wrestling team.

01:42:34.000 He was a good wrestler.

01:42:35.000 And I wasn't wrestling.

01:42:36.000 I was just doing Taekwondo.

01:42:37.000 We were really good friends. 1.00

01:42:38.000 We were always talking about, like, you know, like, if you fight, I'll just fucking take you down and punch you in the face. 1.00

01:42:42.000 I'd be like, bitch, you can't take me down. 1.00

01:42:44.000 I got fast feet! 1.00

01:42:45.000 We went out in the grass, and this motherfucker took me down over and over again. 1.00

01:42:49.000 It was so sad. 1.00

01:42:50.000 Because it was so easy for him to take me down.

01:42:52.000 I know.

01:42:52.000 I had no wrestling at all.

01:42:53.000 I had no... 0.97

01:42:54.000 I had never even thought about wrestling someone except, like, fucking around with my friends. 0.99

01:42:57.000 And he just would fucking stand in front of me, put his hand in my face, shoot a double, bang! 0.99

01:43:01.000 I'd be on my back. 1.00

01:43:02.000 You kept trying to kick him and stuff?

01:43:03.000 No, no, no.

01:43:04.000 It was just me stopping...

01:43:05.000 We were friends.

01:43:05.000 It was just me stopping him from taking me down.

01:43:07.000 I had no chance.

01:43:07.000 You know how I got into mixed martial arts, right?

01:43:10.000 My fat, chubby friend named Pierre... 1.00

01:43:13.000 Showed me the UFC, the early ones, with the fucking headbutts and everything. 0.99

01:43:17.000 And showed me, like, Valetudo Brazil. 0.92

01:43:19.000 And he showed me the newer UFCs at the time.

01:43:22.000 It was, I don't know, 95 or 96. He showed me those.

01:43:26.000 And, like, Marco Huas versus Paul Marlins.

01:43:29.000 And I was like, yeah.

01:43:30.000 First time we ever saw leg kicks.

01:43:32.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:43:32.000 So I was like, man.

01:43:34.000 I was like, oh, I could do this.

01:43:36.000 And he's like, do you want to spar me?

01:43:38.000 And I'm like...

01:43:39.000 You mean fight in the backyard?

01:43:41.000 And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:43:43.000 We'll spar.

01:43:44.000 We'll wear protection.

01:43:46.000 Was this guy a martial artist? 1.00

01:43:48.000 I'm going to kill you. 1.00

01:43:49.000 I'm like, I fought. 1.00

01:43:51.000 You know Bubba? 0.99

01:43:52.000 I beat Bubba's ass in the front yard. 1.00

01:43:54.000 This giant, fat, black kid. 1.00

01:43:55.000 He's like 300 pounds. 1.00

01:43:56.000 He's like the scariest dude. 0.99

01:43:57.000 I beat the shit out of him because I knew how to fight. 0.99

01:44:00.000 I would always spar around with my dad. 0.99

01:44:02.000 So I knew how to box and stuff and whatever.

01:44:05.000 We go out in the backyard.

01:44:08.000 I had this breakdancing mat that I had. 1.00

01:44:11.000 We laid that down on top of the grass so we had some padding because I knew I was going to fuck him off. 0.99

01:44:15.000 Man, we squared off in our hockey chest protectors. 1.00

01:44:19.000 He fucking spin kicked me in my bread basket. 0.99

01:44:23.000 I was like, ooh! 1.00

01:44:24.000 I've never been kicked like that.

01:44:25.000 I was like, oh my god!

01:44:27.000 So I went to the Miller standby.

01:44:29.000 And it's the move I always did.

01:44:31.000 My dad taught me it.

01:44:32.000 It worked all the time.

01:44:33.000 One, two.

01:44:34.000 And if that doesn't knock him down on the ground...

01:44:37.000 You grab his head, which I did, and threw him down on the ground. 0.99

01:44:40.000 I did that, and started fucking wailing on him. 1.00

01:44:43.000 I was like, I'm winning. 0.99

01:44:44.000 I'm winning. 0.98

01:44:44.000 He starts wiggling around and shit, and the next thing I know, he locked me up, and I'm fucking waking up in my backyard, looking at the trees, like, quietly. 0.98

01:44:55.000 And he's looking down at me, and I'm like, oh my god! 0.99

01:44:59.000 He's like, wow, that was a triangle choke.

01:45:01.000 I learned that in Gracie Jiu-Jitsu.

01:45:03.000 That was the first time I ever did that to somebody. 1.00

01:45:04.000 I'm like, fuck! 1.00

01:45:05.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:45:06.000 I gotta learn this shit! 1.00

01:45:07.000 He's tiny! 1.00

01:45:08.000 He beat my ass! 1.00

01:45:09.000 So you guys just decided to fight your friends? 1.00

01:45:11.000 Yeah, my dad was looking out the window laughing at me like, you fucking idiot! 1.00

01:45:15.000 I'm like, man, I was sleeping, you know? 1.00

01:45:18.000 I was like, I never knew that there was some magical shit. 0.97

01:45:21.000 Once we're on the ground, I just figured it's like I wrestled a little bit in high school. 0.99

01:45:26.000 And I figured, you know, until I realized you have to wear those tight-ass pants, then I quit. 0.97

01:45:29.000 And then I was like, wow!

01:45:31.000 He just...

01:45:32.000 He beat me.

01:45:33.000 He was on his back.

01:45:34.000 I was winning.

01:45:35.000 And I saw that on...

01:45:36.000 I saw Hoyt's Gracie do it, but I was like, yeah, right. 1.00

01:45:39.000 It's just because he's wearing his stupid pajamas. 1.00

01:45:40.000 It's such a fun thing to be able to do to people. 1.00

01:45:43.000 You know what?

01:45:43.000 You don't realize how powerful Jiu-Jitsu is.

01:45:45.000 Oh, you don't know how crazy wrestling is.

01:45:47.000 When you get in a nightclub altercation, and you, like, push somebody off balance, like, oh my god.

01:45:53.000 They've got...

01:45:54.000 They look like Bambi on the ice.

01:45:56.000 Their feet are all slipping.

01:45:57.000 Especially if they have, like, leather shoes on.

01:45:59.000 Aw, man, you're on the floor. 0.99

01:46:00.000 Those leather shoes are so ridiculous. 0.99

01:46:02.000 Like, wearing leather shoes is just going out, like, in handcuffs. 0.98

01:46:05.000 I wear, like, pro wrestling boots when I go out to the club.

01:46:09.000 No doubt.

01:46:10.000 Pro-wrestling all day.

01:46:11.000 At least up to the knee.

01:46:12.000 Wait a minute.

01:46:13.000 For real?

01:46:14.000 No.

01:46:14.000 Get out of here.

01:46:14.000 You wear pro-wrestling shoes?

01:46:15.000 No, no.

01:46:16.000 I call them pro-wrestling boots because, dude, they're called jump.

01:46:20.000 But you weren't...

01:46:20.000 No, they're tennis shoes, but they look like classy-ass shoes, and then they lace up to, like, super high.

01:46:28.000 Chicks love them. 1.00

01:46:29.000 When I was young, I was so stupid. 1.00

01:46:30.000 Every time I bought a pair of pants, I would have to make sure that I could kick somebody in the head with my pants on. 1.00

01:46:34.000 I would, like, practice Taekwondo kicks with my fucking pants on just to make sure if some shit goes down... 0.99

01:46:39.000 I'm going to make sure I can get there. 1.00

01:46:40.000 No, you know my old man.

01:46:42.000 He was in the Army for years, 20 years, stuff like that. 1.00

01:46:45.000 And he was like a legit motherfucker, like went to war and killed people, whatever. 1.00

01:46:49.000 He's like kind of bad. 1.00

01:46:51.000 He's an old fucking fat bastard now. 1.00

01:46:53.000 But he went to Korea to, I don't know, whatever, training or whatever. 1.00

01:47:00.000 And he had to post up at the Korean border.

01:47:02.000 They do that over there.

01:47:04.000 He's there.

01:47:05.000 He tells me when he comes back.

01:47:07.000 And I'm like 11.

01:47:08.000 He's telling me this story.

01:47:09.000 man, boy, I was in a bar out there.

01:47:12.000 This little Chinese guy.

01:47:13.000 I'm like, Dad, you're in Korea. 1.00

01:47:14.000 This little Chinese guy got into it with me, kicked me in the fucking face. 1.00

01:47:20.000 I'm like, what? 1.00

01:47:21.000 What do you mean?

01:47:21.000 He fell down?

01:47:22.000 He's like, no!

01:47:22.000 He kicked me in the face.

01:47:23.000 He bought me a Taekwondo uniform.

01:47:25.000 I was like, you need to practice this.

01:47:27.000 And I was like, I don't know, like 10. And I went to Taekwondo because of that stuff.

01:47:31.000 Sorry, my dad got kicked in the face by a Taekwondo guy.

01:47:33.000 That's hilarious.

01:47:34.000 Yeah.

01:47:34.000 I can imagine your dad looking out the window laughing while you're unconscious.

01:47:38.000 Over the sink.

01:47:39.000 And he's laughing at me.

01:47:41.000 Ha, ha, ha, ha. 1.00

01:47:42.000 And I'm like, damn. 1.00

01:47:43.000 But you need a dad like that to become a Jason Mayhem Miller. 1.00

01:47:47.000 A regular dad is not going to make a guy like you.

01:47:50.000 No.

01:47:50.000 I know.

01:47:51.000 It's not possible.

01:47:51.000 You know what?

01:47:52.000 I remember the Brazilians, when I was doing tournaments all the time, when I was real young, 18, 19, the Brazilians got a crazy story of me because I would always tell these stories where me and my dad would fight and whatever, and we'd get into it, or we'd spar around, and it would start off as a joke, and then it would get real, like we'd fucking really fight.

01:48:10.000 And I would tell those stories to the Brazilians, and then it got a story like, man, I heard that Jason Miller...

01:48:15.000 His dad would hit him with beer bottles to make him tougher.

01:48:18.000 I'm like, what?

01:48:18.000 The most American Indian-sounding Brazilian accent ever.

01:48:22.000 Oh, really? 1.00

01:48:23.000 You sound like fucking Tonto and shit. 1.00

01:48:24.000 I heard one time, eagles came from north. 1.00

01:48:29.000 My bad.

01:48:29.000 Flew with breeze.

01:48:30.000 My accent sucks, but you get the point. 0.99

01:48:32.000 The guy was like, yeah, everybody thought that my dad beat the shit out of me. 0.99

01:48:35.000 He did, but it was a lot of times. 0.98

01:48:38.000 I remember we were getting into it in the kitchen, and I was fucking fighting with him, and then he grabbed me around, and he was like, We didn't call a rare nigga choke. 0.96

01:48:46.000 It was a sleeper hold. 0.96

01:48:47.000 He got me in a sleeper hold, and I was choking, and I wouldn't quit.

01:48:50.000 He's like, boy, tap out.

01:48:52.000 Boy, tap out.

01:48:53.000 And I was like, I don't know, 14, 15? 1.00

01:48:55.000 And I was like, he's choking me and choking me, and I was like, fuck that. 0.99

01:48:59.000 I'm not going to tap out. 0.99

01:49:01.000 And I just remember, finally he let me go, because he's like, ah, that's enough.

01:49:04.000 But it was too late.

01:49:06.000 I remember reaching for the refrigerator handle and then waking up in condiments.

01:49:11.000 Like, he put me out. 1.00

01:49:12.000 I was, like, covered in, like, the fucking mayonnaise and shit, mustard. 1.00

01:49:15.000 And he's laughing. 1.00

01:49:17.000 And my mom's like, what are you doing?

01:49:19.000 And I'm like, Dad took me out.

01:49:22.000 And he was laughing?

01:49:24.000 Was this an actual fight fight?

01:49:26.000 Or was this, like, just playing?

01:49:27.000 We were playing.

01:49:28.000 But listen, man, in redneck culture, you have to understand that there's a line that's drawn, like, You're playing, and then you're not really playing anymore, and then it comes from one step from somebody biting somebody or something like that. 0.79

01:49:40.000 That's how people get shot.

01:49:41.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:49:42.000 And I can understand that.

01:49:44.000 I'm proud.

01:49:44.000 I'm proud that I came from such a strange background.

01:49:47.000 I don't care.

01:49:48.000 I'm a professional fighter. 1.00

01:49:50.000 I'm not a goddamn kid. 1.00

01:49:51.000 Kindergarten teacher? 0.99

01:49:52.000 One time my dad threw a Jolly Rancher at me and hit me in the eye. 1.00

01:49:54.000 God, you're homosexual. 1.00

01:49:56.000 Did you eat it? 1.00

01:49:57.000 No, it hurt.

01:49:59.000 Did you cry?

01:50:00.000 No, I didn't cry.

01:50:01.000 Eat it while you're crying?

01:50:03.000 It stung.

01:50:03.000 Just look him in the eyes and eat it while tears roll down your face.

01:50:06.000 What did you do to get a Jolly Rancher to the eyepiece? 0.94

01:50:08.000 It stung.

01:50:09.000 He totally overthrew it and hit me right in the eye.

01:50:11.000 Wait, he was throwing it to you?

01:50:12.000 Oh, God, his story's even worse.

01:50:14.000 There's no even abuse in this story.

01:50:16.000 No, his dad's got a hard underhand, dude.

01:50:18.000 It hurt.

01:50:18.000 It stung.

01:50:20.000 Vicious wrist action.

01:50:21.000 He played softball in college, right? 1.00

01:50:23.000 He was underhand as a motherfucker. 1.00

01:50:25.000 You ever see those chicks that throw a wicked softball underhand? 1.00

01:50:27.000 You ever see the rubber band thing that makes them throw harder? 0.99

01:50:32.000 Sick.

01:50:33.000 Yeah, I saw it on late night TV. Yeah, always. 0.77

01:50:35.000 Why are softball players watching ESPN at midnight?

01:50:38.000 How fast can they throw that underhand?

01:50:40.000 I don't know.

01:50:41.000 Probably like 60 miles an hour.

01:50:42.000 But the thing is, they could do it all day.

01:50:44.000 It's like a way more natural movement than like a regular pitcher. 1.00

01:50:47.000 Like a pitcher, that shit blows your shoulder out. 1.00

01:50:49.000 But this shit doesn't blow your shoulder out at all. 1.00

01:50:51.000 I don't know if it's that they're throwing it harder. 0.99

01:50:54.000 I think it's the mechanism of moving your arm that way.

01:50:57.000 Are you saying that there will be some kid from Little League up who's been taught underhand?

01:51:01.000 And think about this. 1.00

01:51:02.000 With a big juiced out arm, he could throw that shit super hard. 1.00

01:51:06.000 I wonder. 1.00

01:51:07.000 I wonder because it doesn't seem like girls can do that shit all day and it doesn't blow their arm out. 1.00

01:51:11.000 But I think there's something about throwing like that. 0.99

01:51:13.000 I think you can get more velocity.

01:51:16.000 Especially naturally.

01:51:17.000 But I think it blows your shoulder up. 0.99

01:51:18.000 I have like flexible tendons and shit. 0.91

01:51:22.000 Like a real flexible. 0.99

01:51:22.000 When I throw a fucking baseball, my arm feels like it's going to blow out of its socket. 0.99

01:51:27.000 My dad, the same thing. 1.00

01:51:28.000 He got out of ranger school.

01:51:30.000 He didn't make it through ranger school. 1.00

01:51:32.000 He couldn't throw the fucking grenade right. 1.00

01:51:33.000 Same shit. 1.00

01:51:34.000 Wow. 1.00

01:51:35.000 With a bad shoulder. 1.00

01:51:36.000 And when he talks about flexible tendons, you could see that shit online. 0.99

01:51:38.000 If you watch his fight, was it Super Raw or Icon? 0.99

01:51:41.000 All my fights, man.

01:51:42.000 All my fights.

01:51:42.000 With Egan.

01:51:43.000 Egan Inouye.

01:51:44.000 He twisted my arm backwards.

01:51:45.000 I was like, oh my god, he's going to break it off.

01:51:47.000 And I just toughed it out.

01:51:49.000 And then I got up.

01:51:51.000 And I was like, oh, it's good.

01:51:53.000 And I just went and bashed the guy with that same hand that he was twisting. 0.96

01:51:56.000 It's the most ridiculous Kimura defense ever, if you've ever seen it. 0.90

01:52:00.000 You rolled, like, how many times did you roll? 0.96

01:52:02.000 Oh, man, so many.

01:52:03.000 I was like, I didn't even know how I was rolling. 1.00

01:52:04.000 Egan Inouye, who's this badass jiu-jitsu black belt, bad motherfucker, yoked-ish fuck. 1.00

01:52:08.000 Yeah, he was legendary. 1.00

01:52:09.000 When I was fighting him, I was like, damn, this guy's a legend. 0.77

01:52:11.000 You fought him in Hawaii, too. 0.98

01:52:13.000 Yeah, where they hated me.

01:52:13.000 They were, like, telling me to die how he died.

01:52:15.000 I was like, oh... 0.99

01:52:16.000 But dude, you know, Hawaii is a crazy-ass place.

01:52:20.000 Also one of the most peaceful people ever. 0.90

01:52:22.000 Hawaiians?

01:52:23.000 Yeah.

01:52:23.000 Hawaiians are all just all about love and peace.

01:52:27.000 They're like hippies that live in their own island. 0.98

01:52:30.000 Hawaiians beat the fuck out of each other. 0.98

01:52:32.000 They do in movies. 0.99

01:52:34.000 No, no, no.

01:52:35.000 There's videos in real life. 0.90

01:52:36.000 There's definitely parts of people, but the Hawaiian community as a whole, I think, Well, people are friendly, but that doesn't mean that they don't beat the fuck out of each other. 1.00

01:52:44.000 Yeah, well, there's people beating the crap out of, you know, everyone. 0.66

01:52:48.000 No, no, no, but what I'm saying is people in Hawaii are notorious for wanting to fight.

01:52:52.000 It's like a part of their culture.

01:52:54.000 If you go online, there's all these backyard fights.

01:52:57.000 Hawaiian backyard fights, dude, there's so many of them.

01:53:00.000 There's thousands of them.

01:53:01.000 Beach fights and backyard fights where dudes meet after school, kids meet after school, and they just have MMA fights, bare knuckle, they just duke it out on the grass.

01:53:09.000 In Hawaii, it's super common.

01:53:10.000 Would you say that if you talk to most people, like, how was your trip to Hawaii?

01:53:14.000 Yeah, but you're going to the resort, and it's tourism.

01:53:17.000 I'll tell you a story about that.

01:53:18.000 The first time I fought in Super Brawl, here's a perfect example.

01:53:22.000 The first time I fought in Super Brawl, I got cut above the eye, and I was walking around Waikiki, and some kid was like, Hey, man, you that guy, huh?

01:53:29.000 From Super Brawl, huh?

01:53:31.000 And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:53:32.000 What's up, dude?

01:53:33.000 And he's like, oh, brah, what's up?

01:53:35.000 Oh, man.

01:53:36.000 Yeah, man, I'm tough.

01:53:37.000 I'm tough.

01:53:38.000 And I'm like, oh, cool, bro.

01:53:39.000 He's like 16 years old, 15 years old.

01:53:42.000 Some fat white Taurus is walking down.

01:53:44.000 He's like, whoa, brah, what? 0.90

01:53:46.000 Watch this.

01:53:46.000 And he walks over and bends down like he's tying his shoe.

01:53:49.000 And he's like looking at his peripheral vision to see this guy walking.

01:53:52.000 He stands up and the guy bumps into him.

01:53:54.000 Oh, sorry, man. 0.99

01:53:56.000 This Hawaiian kid starts beating the shit out of him. 1.00

01:54:00.000 He's so young that it's not really hurting him. 0.98

01:54:03.000 Not really hurting the guy, but the guy's like, oh, stop!

01:54:06.000 And he's got a buddy with him, doesn't help him at all.

01:54:08.000 The kid starts, in Hawaiian, you call it false cracking the guy.

01:54:12.000 It's a sucker punch.

01:54:13.000 He gets up and sucker punched the guy. 0.96

01:54:16.000 He grabs on his backpack and starts jump kicking him, jump kicking him, jump kicking him.

01:54:19.000 The guy starts running up and he goes, ah, this is my first trip to Hawaii!

01:54:24.000 I was like, ah! 0.67

01:54:25.000 I was like, oh my god, Hawaiian people are crazy. 1.00

01:54:27.000 Do you remember Forgetting Sarah Marshall? 0.95

01:54:29.000 I think so.

01:54:30.000 The movie, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, there was the bartender who was super cool to him.

01:54:33.000 Yeah, that was the part of the movie I was talking about.

01:54:35.000 Afterwards.

01:54:35.000 Maybe from the movies.

01:54:36.000 That's what I was talking about. 1.00

01:54:38.000 No, but afterwards, the guy kicks his ass. 1.00

01:54:40.000 That's like real life. 1.00

01:54:41.000 Well, I mean, why? 0.99

01:54:42.000 I've never heard anyone ever say, I went to Hawaii, dude, there was fucking fights. 0.96

01:54:47.000 Brian, but you're talking about going to Hawaii where you go to resorts. 0.98

01:54:50.000 Yeah, come on. 0.77

01:54:50.000 Not necessarily, dude. 0.77

01:54:53.000 Acapulco.

01:54:54.000 Acapulco, the most good people are the nicest people ever.

01:54:57.000 But I go up to Tijuana, I bet you they'll try to gut me.

01:54:59.000 Yeah, dude, when you talk to BJ Penn, like BJ Penn talks about growing up in Hawaii, it always says there's nothing to do.

01:55:04.000 Everybody just fights.

01:55:04.000 I'm just saying if you're in that world, it's definitely more in your face than if most people go into the store in a suburban neighborhood in Hawaii or something like that.

01:55:14.000 Dude, no one's saying that Hawaii people are douchebags.

01:55:16.000 No one's saying that it's a bad place to live. 0.88

01:55:19.000 I can explain.

01:55:21.000 I live there too.

01:55:23.000 It's kind of the culture that Oh, you want to throw down?

01:55:25.000 So what?

01:55:26.000 And there's a mutual, like, let's fight.

01:55:28.000 Nobody shoots each other.

01:55:30.000 It's like, let's fight.

01:55:31.000 We'll fight.

01:55:32.000 And then we'll end it out. 1.00

01:55:33.000 Oh, he kicked his ass. 1.00

01:55:34.000 And then you get the coconut wireless. 1.00

01:55:36.000 Everybody knows about it. 1.00

01:55:37.000 He kicked his ass. 1.00

01:55:39.000 And that's, you know, it's just the culture, you know? 1.00

01:55:42.000 That's where BJ Penn came out of. 0.99

01:55:45.000 That kind of competition is what started his MMA career, that he was this bad motherfucker that would step to anybody and fight anybody. 0.98

01:55:53.000 He took pride in that, and that's why he became an MMA champ. 0.99

01:55:56.000 When you're stuck on a fucking island like the Big Island and there ain't that much people and everyone's just jammed in together on this rock, Tensions run high. 0.97

01:56:04.000 Oh man, I live there too. 0.99

01:56:05.000 It's a strange, strange different place because you're on this tiny island and it's small.

01:56:11.000 Because even though it's a million people, whatever circles you run in are tight-knit because everybody knows everybody. 0.98

01:56:17.000 Right, so there must be a lot of bullshit between dudes and girls. 1.00

01:56:20.000 Oh my god! 1.00

01:56:21.000 Epic amounts.

01:56:22.000 I would imagine because everybody knows everybody and you're like, that dude's fulconer. 0.95

01:56:25.000 Like when someone breaks up, they break up and then she goes out with someone you know. 0.98

01:56:28.000 You're fucking some dude that went to high school with that other guy. 0.99

01:56:31.000 It's so weird. 1.00

01:56:32.000 It's weird.

01:56:33.000 That causes tensions.

01:56:34.000 Painful.

01:56:35.000 And you lived on the Big Island?

01:56:36.000 No, I lived on Oahu.

01:56:37.000 It's like the main island.

01:56:38.000 Isn't it crazy that the smaller...

01:56:40.000 It's not a big island.

01:56:41.000 It's not that big.

01:56:42.000 No, it's not that big.

01:56:43.000 I don't know why it was the...

01:56:46.000 The biggest one that developed quickest.

01:56:48.000 It's so weird.

01:56:49.000 Most of the times when I got to Hawaii, I went to the Big Island.

01:56:51.000 I went to Maui.

01:56:52.000 I went to Kauai. 0.98

01:56:54.000 But when I went to Honolulu, I was like, God damn, this is like a city. 0.98

01:57:06.000 It is. 0.99

01:57:06.000 It's America. 0.99

01:57:07.000 It's America on wheels.

01:57:08.000 It's America with Asians. 1.00

01:57:09.000 America is paradise, though.

01:57:11.000 It's the weirdest city ever. 1.00

01:57:12.000 It's like a fucking Blade Runner movie. 0.99

01:57:14.000 It's like here you are in this city with this incredibly beautiful weather, with this amazing ocean. 0.99

01:57:19.000 You are right there.

01:57:20.000 It's a city somehow or another, but it's not that polluted.

01:57:23.000 The ocean is not that polluted.

01:57:24.000 Because they're just washing off.

01:57:26.000 Would you say Kauai is the best?

01:57:28.000 Kauai?

01:57:28.000 Kauai is like Jurassic Park.

01:57:30.000 Yeah, it's like Lost.

01:57:33.000 Lanai was gorgeous, too.

01:57:35.000 Lanai is really small.

01:57:36.000 Well, I imagine Lanai is even less developed than Kauai.

01:57:40.000 Kauai is like, there's one road that goes everywhere.

01:57:42.000 I think Lanai only has like 3,000 people that live on her. 0.99

01:57:44.000 30,000 or something tiny.

01:57:46.000 And it's all like the staff of the first season.

01:57:47.000 They're all thrown down. 0.94

01:57:51.000 They did look a little fucking spaced out when I was asking for directions. 0.99

01:57:55.000 There's fucking three roads and this bitch couldn't tell me how to get to the hotel. 1.00

01:57:57.000 It's just like, I don't know. 1.00

01:57:59.000 I think...

01:58:00.000 You know what?

01:58:01.000 Here's the thing about that.

01:58:03.000 When I lived in Hawaii, bro, I can't tell you what street to turn on.

01:58:06.000 I can tell you, to get to the Waikiki, you gotta go down.

01:58:10.000 There's a 7-Eleven at the end of this one road.

01:58:12.000 You take a right there, you keep going down, it turns into a one-way, and you take a right at Zippy's.

01:58:17.000 And then there you're in Waikiki.

01:58:19.000 Oh, I see.

01:58:20.000 Nobody knows the road names because they're Malakalikimaka and Kanamohohe.

01:58:25.000 I'm like, what?

01:58:26.000 Nobody even knows the name of this road. 0.99

01:58:29.000 How crazy is it that Hawaii is a part of America but it's five hours away on a fucking plane? 0.99

01:58:33.000 Alaska. 0.99

01:58:34.000 Hey, man.

01:58:35.000 Alaska's not as crazy.

01:58:36.000 At least it's landmass.

01:58:37.000 You can drive to Alaska.

01:58:39.000 But there's something in the middle of it.

01:58:42.000 There's land in the middle of it.

01:58:43.000 That makes no sense. 0.82

01:58:44.000 Totally ridiculous. 1.00

01:58:45.000 We've got to have our ass covered on all sides. 1.00

01:58:49.000 Oh, for sure. 0.99

01:58:50.000 But it's incredible that we can call it America. 1.00

01:58:51.000 It's five hours away on a fucking plane. 0.99

01:58:54.000 And then Guam is like sort of America, right? 1.00

01:58:56.000 Yeah, so is Puerto Rico, buddy.

01:58:58.000 Yeah, Puerto Rico is like sort of America.

01:59:00.000 What is Puerto...

01:59:01.000 Puerto Rico is, like, considered America, though.

01:59:03.000 But they don't pay taxes, so they don't want to be part of America.

01:59:06.000 But are you allowed to be from Puerto Rico and just immigrate to America?

01:59:09.000 I think so.

01:59:09.000 How does that work?

01:59:10.000 I think so, too, right?

01:59:11.000 That's why there's so many Puerto Ricans. 0.99

01:59:12.000 You know, especially if you go to New York.

01:59:14.000 Oh, yeah.

01:59:15.000 Oh, for sure. 0.99

01:59:16.000 Don Gavins is a fucking comedian from Boston, an old-school legend. 0.99

01:59:18.000 He used to have this joke about... 1.00

01:59:20.000 He's just, like, a real fast-talking Boston guy.

01:59:22.000 He's like, ah, if I went to Puerto Rico, I didn't like Puerto Rico. 1.00

01:59:25.000 Too many fucking Puerto Ricans. 1.00

01:59:27.000 I don't even know how they afford it. 1.00

01:59:28.000 It's so expensive.

01:59:30.000 It's...

01:59:30.000 Mayhem, you've been doing stand-up comedy lately.

01:59:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:59:33.000 How's that going?

01:59:34.000 Where is the great Mayhem doing stand-up comedy?

01:59:36.000 I don't know.

01:59:36.000 I know you did Ari's show at the Improv.

01:59:38.000 I did Ari's show.

01:59:38.000 You know what?

01:59:39.000 And Ari's doing a show today. 1.00

01:59:40.000 I've been arrested a bunch of times.

01:59:42.000 He didn't ask me to do the I Fought the Law. 1.00

01:59:44.000 Oh, you can crash that bitch. 1.00

01:59:45.000 Dude, just crash it. 1.00

01:59:46.000 Just crash it.

01:59:46.000 You can totally crash it.

01:59:47.000 That'll be fun.

01:59:47.000 Ari's probably listening right now.

01:59:49.000 No, he's not.

01:59:49.000 He's eating pizza.

01:59:50.000 Jerking off. 0.71

01:59:51.000 No, he's not. 0.95

01:59:51.000 He's sleeping. 0.95

01:59:52.000 He is jerking off.

01:59:53.000 He might be sleeping. 1.00

01:59:53.000 You don't have to jerk off that guy. 1.00

01:59:54.000 Who doesn't? 0.99

01:59:55.000 Come on, fella.

01:59:55.000 That's with the flashlight, ladies and gentlemen.

01:59:57.000 Bringing us back to our final sponsor.

01:59:58.000 This is it, ladies and gentlemen.

01:59:59.000 The Fleshlight. 0.99

02:00:00.000 If you want to masturbate, this is your key. 1.00

02:00:02.000 Oh my god. 0.99

02:00:02.000 Fleshlight.com. 0.99

02:00:03.000 I'm nervous looking at that thing.

02:00:04.000 If you go to Fleshlight.com too, if you go to my website, there's a link and you get 15% off your Fleshlight.

02:00:09.000 That's dope. 0.93

02:00:10.000 That's the weirdest sponsor ever I got.

02:00:12.000 It's the best sponsor. 0.99

02:00:13.000 Come on, my show's fucking nuts. 0.99

02:00:15.000 This whole thing is crazy. 1.00

02:00:16.000 That's why I've got crazy people like you on. 0.53

02:00:18.000 Nobody else would have got this kind of an interview out of Mayhem Miller. 0.85

02:00:21.000 We had to put it together.

02:00:22.000 This is not an interview, man.

02:00:23.000 I feel like we're on a show together.

02:00:24.000 We're hanging, bro.

02:00:25.000 Don't do that. 1.00

02:00:28.000 Why did you fuck the... 1.00

02:00:29.000 No, I haven't fucked that one yet. 1.00

02:00:30.000 Oh, that's awesome. 0.99

02:00:32.000 It's queefing all over the mic.

02:00:33.000 Feel how natural it feels.

02:00:35.000 I'm not natural, but it smells terrible now.

02:00:38.000 It's just rubber.

02:00:39.000 It smells terrible. 1.00

02:00:41.000 After all the dirty pussy and asshole we've been talking about. 1.00

02:00:44.000 See if it's salty. 1.00

02:00:46.000 Imagine if your mom walks to the house like that. 0.99

02:00:49.000 If they were the tester, like test it by number 407. There's just a guy going, this is good!

02:00:55.000 This one make my cock feel so yummy. 1.00

02:01:00.000 Yeah, right? 1.00

02:01:01.000 Imagine if some dude did fuck it because he knew it was going to you. 1.00

02:01:03.000 Yeah, he had to. 1.00

02:01:04.000 Imagine if he knew it was going to you.

02:01:05.000 Quality insurance. 1.00

02:01:07.000 Yeah, I mean, he can't have a faulty fake vagina. 1.00

02:01:09.000 Can you imagine that job? 1.00

02:01:10.000 But that was your job.

02:01:11.000 You had to do that all day long. 0.82

02:01:12.000 You had to keep on getting boners. 1.00

02:01:14.000 Like, want? 0.80

02:01:14.000 Oh, good. 0.80

02:01:15.000 That's ridiculous. 0.97

02:01:16.000 Oh, good. 0.99

02:01:16.000 Oh, my God. 0.99

02:01:17.000 There's probably a job like that.

02:01:19.000 I'm appalled at this podcast.

02:01:21.000 I think we've reached the bottom.

02:01:23.000 Yes, we have.

02:01:24.000 This is it.

02:01:24.000 This is the end of the line, ladies and gentlemen.

02:01:26.000 You have a website, right?

02:01:27.000 MayhemMiller.com.

02:01:29.000 MayhemMiller on Twitter.

02:01:30.000 Yeah, I'm Mayhem Miller all across the board.

02:01:32.000 Mayhem Miller everywhere.

02:01:33.000 You don't use MySpace anymore, do you?

02:01:37.000 What's MySpace?

02:01:38.000 I feel bad.

02:01:39.000 I know that there's chicks out there that want to bomb me on MySpace, but I can't even go on there.

02:01:44.000 I can't even go on there.

02:01:46.000 When you see a girl that's still on MySpace, like, this is my MySpace. 0.91

02:01:50.000 That might be a girl that's retarded. 1.00

02:01:52.000 Lower percentage, for sure. 0.96

02:01:54.000 You're elite if you're not on MySpace.

02:01:56.000 Unless she's king of the scraps. 1.00

02:01:59.000 There might be like, dude, I am the most popular person on MySpace right now.

02:02:03.000 Yeah, she's like the new Tila Tequila Part 3. I've got 4,000 friends.

02:02:08.000 4,000 active friends.

02:02:10.000 A lot of girls claim 4,000 friends. 0.92

02:02:11.000 I got no bots on MySpace. 0.99

02:02:14.000 Yeah, who the fuck is left on MySpace? 0.98

02:02:16.000 Only people whose computers can't even work Facebook. 0.98

02:02:20.000 Our friend just quit MySpace.

02:02:22.000 He used to work there.

02:02:23.000 And now I can finally get rid of my MySpace.

02:02:26.000 I don't feel bad.

02:02:26.000 Because I only held on to it, I think, because of him.

02:02:29.000 I've hoped that MySpace is going to make a comeback. 0.97

02:02:31.000 Because back in the Comedy Store days, MySpace packed that fucking place all the time. 0.94

02:02:35.000 That was responsible for... 0.96

02:02:38.000 You think it's harder to promote on Facebook?

02:02:40.000 No, no, no.

02:02:40.000 The best is Twitter.

02:02:41.000 Twitter is the best.

02:02:43.000 Yeah, Twitter's fun, dude.

02:02:44.000 I like talking to people. 0.97

02:02:45.000 I like people send me some shit and I send it back to them. 0.98

02:02:47.000 Yeah, you know what I'm pissed off about is your fans are way smarter than mine because you always get cool shit sent to you and I'm like... 1.00

02:02:54.000 What the fuck? 0.99

02:02:54.000 Well, I send cool shit to them, too, though. 0.99

02:02:56.000 Whenever I find any cool video online, I always tweet it. 0.99

02:02:59.000 I always tweet it, so they tweet shit like that back to me. 0.97

02:03:02.000 But I find out about a lot of cool articles and cool science developments and shit. 0.98

02:03:07.000 I find out a lot of that stuff by people on Twitter.

02:03:10.000 You know what?

02:03:10.000 I find it out because of you, usually.

02:03:12.000 Dude, get in there, son.

02:03:13.000 I'm like, man.

02:03:14.000 It's a chain of information we all sharing.

02:03:17.000 I know.

02:03:17.000 I'm like stoked every time you come up with a, oh, cool, Joe Rogan put an article, and I click and I read it.

02:03:21.000 There's always so much cool shit on the internet, man. 0.98

02:03:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:03:24.000 Have you seen the Deepak Chopra-Sam Harris debates?

02:03:29.000 Sam Harris had some other dude with him.

02:03:30.000 I forget the dude's name.

02:03:32.000 And Deepak Chopra had this crazy cat lady with him. 0.99

02:03:34.000 And they're debating God, and it's some brilliant shit, man. 1.00

02:03:38.000 Sam Harris is a brilliant, brilliant motherfucker. 1.00

02:03:40.000 He wrote that really good book, Letters to a Christian Nation. 0.99

02:03:43.000 He's just this skeptic, atheist character, but a really reasonable dude.

02:03:47.000 Have you seen Dawkins versus...

02:03:48.000 I can't remember.

02:03:49.000 He did a few where he was kind of...

02:03:52.000 He did one with Deepak Chopra, but I didn't like his arguments against Deepak.

02:03:55.000 It was very short.

02:03:56.000 The clip that he used online or in his documentary was very short.

02:03:59.000 It was just mostly mocking Deepak.

02:04:01.000 But then when Deepak talked to him, Deepak was actually pretty reasonable about what he was saying.

02:04:05.000 They were talking about states of mind and mood and the ability to help Yeah, I think so.

02:04:14.000 Like negative energy has manifested itself in stress.

02:04:17.000 Stress manifests itself in misfiring.

02:04:19.000 I've had injuries before where the injury, it keeps – I don't even notice because I just got caveman brain where I get hurt and I just ignore that part of my body.

02:04:29.000 I'll step on something and have a bloody foot and just keep ignoring it until I have to go to hospital.

02:04:33.000 So I kept doing that, but I didn't realize it puts stress on your body.

02:04:38.000 And then I got super sick.

02:04:39.000 And I'm like, why am I sick and got a hurt knee?

02:04:42.000 It's because you get in this mind state of being just totally like feeling bad and irritated and hurt and then your body breaks down.

02:04:50.000 Yeah, you need positive energy and a good feeling of enjoyment of your life, appreciation for everything.

02:04:55.000 All that good stuff makes you feel better.

02:04:57.000 It makes you lighter.

02:04:58.000 It makes you have to work less hard.

02:04:59.000 It makes life less taxing. 0.97

02:05:01.000 When I'm going through a lot of bullshit in my life, man, I'm tired all the time, you know? 0.95

02:05:05.000 It's a lot of energy that gets used up by that. 0.99

02:05:06.000 Don't you find that, like, if you're in, like, a bad personal situation that you're fucking tired all the time? 0.62

02:05:11.000 Oh, totally. 0.80

02:05:12.000 It's depression, usually, you know?

02:05:14.000 I mean, it's depression.

02:05:16.000 It's depression, but it's also energy.

02:05:18.000 Just bad feelings.

02:05:19.000 Somebody hates you, someone's mad at you.

02:05:21.000 Well, at the risk of sounding like a hippie, yeah, energy is everything.

02:05:24.000 Yeah, it totally sounded like a hippie. 1.00

02:05:25.000 The problem is hippies fucked up a lot of cool shit. 1.00

02:05:28.000 I know, yeah. 1.00

02:05:28.000 Hippies connected a lot of bullshit to stuff that's real. 1.00

02:05:31.000 The thought of a hippie, okay, because I've met... 1.00

02:05:34.000 Awesome hippies. 0.99

02:05:35.000 But the thought of a hippie is this silly... 1.00

02:05:37.000 Weak. 1.00

02:05:38.000 Yeah.

02:05:38.000 All he does is lay around in the fields and smoke weed.

02:05:42.000 Dude, there was a lot of hippies in Boulder.

02:05:44.000 When I was in Boulder, I got annoyed with a lot of hippies. 1.00

02:05:46.000 This idealistic, stupid point of view. 1.00

02:05:48.000 Like to trespass on your property and go, are you denying us access to the woods? 1.00

02:05:53.000 I'm like... 1.00

02:05:54.000 You fucking douchebag. 1.00

02:05:55.000 This is my yard. 1.00

02:05:56.000 Get out of here, asshole. 1.00

02:05:57.000 I bought the woods. 1.00

02:05:57.000 Sorry. 1.00

02:05:57.000 It's a big yard, but it's my fucking yard. 1.00

02:06:00.000 How about use the woods over there where it's just the woods, you douche? 0.99

02:06:03.000 Yeah, well, I mean...

02:06:04.000 Oh, but the North Trail, this is an awesome trail. 1.00

02:06:07.000 Yeah, that's why I fucking paid $16,000 a month, you shithead. 1.00

02:06:12.000 Smithers. 1.00

02:06:12.000 Smithers, Mr. Smithers. 1.00

02:06:15.000 Release the hounds!

02:06:16.000 No, man.

02:06:17.000 It's like you want privacy, man. 1.00

02:06:19.000 He's got his bull mastiff tearing apart hippies in the fucking yard. 1.00

02:06:24.000 My bull mastiff is a nice dog. 1.00

02:06:26.000 He's cool.

02:06:26.000 I mean, he lets you know when people are there, but he's not scary.

02:06:29.000 I like to wrestle those dogs. 1.00

02:06:30.000 My pit bulls, when I used to have pit bulls, that was like having monsters. 0.89

02:06:33.000 That was like I kept monsters as pets. 0.99

02:06:35.000 You know, I was running, alright, so I was in Hawaii on the North Shore, and this dude's house I was going to, apparently he was like a famous drug dealer or something like that, and my friends went in ahead of me, I forgot my swim shorts, and I got it, and I walked in by myself, and across this giant yard, a fucking giant pimple was sprinting at me, and I was like, fuck, and I was already in the gate, like, I couldn't outrun him at this point, and I was like, Fuck! 0.99

02:07:00.000 So I got like a, fuck, what do I do? 0.99

02:07:02.000 What do I do? 0.99

02:07:03.000 And I was like, stay calm. 1.00

02:07:04.000 And I went, fuck it. 1.00

02:07:05.000 I went, like that. 1.00

02:07:06.000 You barked at him.

02:07:07.000 He stopped at his tracks and barked at me.

02:07:10.000 We were best friends after that.

02:07:11.000 It was the weirdest thing ever.

02:07:13.000 Sometimes they'll bark at you, they just want to get close to you and make sure you're okay, and then they're friendly.

02:07:17.000 That's what it was.

02:07:18.000 I barked at him, he barked at me, and then I went, here's my hand. 0.99

02:07:22.000 Pit bulls are some of the smartest, fucking coolest dogs as pets, but it's such a pain in the ass because they just want to fight other dogs. 0.99

02:07:31.000 It's like hanging out with a crazy dude. 1.00

02:07:32.000 Trying to be alpha. 1.00

02:07:33.000 Just itch your butthole and let them smell your finger. 1.00

02:07:35.000 It works also. 1.00

02:07:36.000 Oh, Brian, you did it again.

02:07:38.000 How dare you?

02:07:39.000 That doesn't make sense.

02:07:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:07:40.000 It's like smelling the ass of a dog. 1.00

02:07:42.000 If you let them smell the thing that's coming off your asshole, they totally respect you. 1.00

02:07:47.000 Whenever you see a meat dog, you finger blast your own ass. 1.00

02:07:50.000 I just go like this and I smell this. 1.00

02:07:51.000 Okay.

02:07:52.000 Cool.

02:07:53.000 What if he decides to attack and bite your hand off?

02:07:55.000 It never happens.

02:07:56.000 They go into smell mode.

02:07:58.000 Well, I mean, first of all, they're not going to bite you.

02:08:00.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

02:08:00.000 So you're being honest.

02:08:02.000 This is like actual advice.

02:08:03.000 Totally, totally.

02:08:04.000 Try it out. 1.00

02:08:04.000 If you see a pit bull charging at you, fucking grab your asshole, put a finger in, let it smell it, make sure it's working. 1.00

02:08:10.000 I think your theory is faulty, and you need to try it on some other dogs. 1.00

02:08:13.000 What do dogs do when they see other dogs?

02:08:15.000 How many dogs have tried to attack you?

02:08:16.000 You might have gotten lucky.

02:08:17.000 You're just used to smelling, right?

02:08:18.000 I'm just...

02:08:19.000 Don't do it.

02:08:20.000 Don't... 1.00

02:08:20.000 Just grabbing his asshole. 1.00

02:08:21.000 Dig your ass in the room. 1.00

02:08:22.000 Oh, he did it! 1.00

02:08:24.000 Oh, he licked it! 1.00

02:08:26.000 This fucking show is over, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:08:30.000 That's the end. 1.00

02:08:31.000 This is the end of the line. 0.99

02:08:32.000 I can't even believe he made a dog smell his butt from his own fingers. 0.99

02:08:36.000 Go wash your hands, son. 0.99

02:08:37.000 You're touching the microphone. 1.00

02:08:39.000 What the fuck, Brian? 1.00

02:08:41.000 Oh, this is so nasty. 1.00

02:08:43.000 Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for tuning in. 0.98

02:08:45.000 Thanks to our buddy, Jason Mayhem Miller, for coming on and being one of the best fucking guests we've ever had on the podcast. 0.99

02:08:53.000 Goddamn outstanding. 0.99

02:08:54.000 Good stories. 0.99

02:08:55.000 He's a real dude.

02:08:56.000 You can catch him on Twitter.

02:08:57.000 Mayhem Miller on Twitter.

02:08:59.000 MayhemMiller.com.

02:09:00.000 Of course, Bully Beatdown.

02:09:01.000 How many seasons have you done?

02:09:02.000 The third now. 1.00

02:09:03.000 Going into the third season, ladies and gentlemen, DVR that shit. 1.00

02:09:07.000 You know you're going to watch it. 0.99

02:09:08.000 And look for him in Strikeforce in October against some unknown victim.

02:09:13.000 We'll see what's up.

02:09:14.000 Jason Mayhem Miller representing Brian Reichel for everybody. 0.97

02:09:17.000 Thank you very much for tuning in, and we'll see you sexy bitches next week. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - July 20, 2010

Joe Rogan Experience #31 -- Mayhem Miller

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