The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #345 - Bryan Callen

00:00:03.000 You dirty freak bitches. 1.00

00:00:06.000 God, we missed you. 1.00

00:00:07.000 We missed you so much.

00:00:09.000 We're back, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:12.000 This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience podcast, also known as the Brian Red Band Experience, is brought to you by Tink.

00:00:19.000 Powerful.

00:00:21.000 Yeah, powerful Reddit.

00:00:23.000 That was awesome, guys.

00:00:24.000 That's pretty badass.

00:00:26.000 Yeah, it's cool. 0.97

00:00:27.000 Internet communities are fucking amazing. 0.92

00:00:29.000 We live in awesome times. 0.98

00:00:30.000 You know, just memes alone. 0.97

00:00:32.000 I mean, how many funny fucking memes do you get to read every day from really, you know, anytime anything happens, you know? 0.97

00:00:38.000 Science is, like, really neat or really amazing, that Bill Burr one. 0.99

00:00:42.000 I saw that, like, a hundred times.

00:00:44.000 Oh, I know. 0.99

00:00:44.000 Whatever the quote was, the ridiculous quote. 0.99

00:00:47.000 Science is great. 0.97

00:00:47.000 Isn't science incredible? 0.97

00:00:49.000 Something like that.

00:00:50.000 I don't have Bill Burr's phone number.

00:00:52.000 I was trying to get a hold of him because I wanted to get him and Cara Santa Maria tonight together to do a podcast.

00:00:57.000 Well, if he's around, I'll get you his number.

00:00:59.000 Or I'll ask him first.

00:01:01.000 That's the proper thing.

00:01:02.000 Do you not like it, Brian Callen, when people give away your phone number and you get a phone call and it's like blocked and you pick it up at some goofball wanting to talk to you and you're like...

00:01:11.000 Well, when Jimmy Burke gave out my number on your podcast, I got like 15 calls.

00:01:16.000 But it's funny because the guys have all been really cool.

00:01:18.000 I was like, look, don't abuse my number. 0.99

00:01:21.000 They'd be drunk like, hey, Brian Callen, what the fuck, man? 0.99

00:01:24.000 I was like, all right, young guys. 0.99

00:01:26.000 All right, guys.

00:01:26.000 I remember being you, so...

00:01:28.000 Yeah.

00:01:29.000 Look, 99.9% of all people are cool.

00:01:33.000 I mean, that sounds crazy, but most of...

00:01:34.000 Dude, I get my number out on the road when I want people to come.

00:01:38.000 Sometimes they help me out in a car rental.

00:01:40.000 I'll get my number, I'll go, just call me, I'll hook you up with free tickets.

00:01:42.000 Not once have I had anybody abuse it.

00:01:44.000 Not once.

00:01:45.000 Yeah, no, most people don't.

00:01:46.000 Most people are cool about it.

00:01:48.000 But... 0.90

00:01:49.000 I used to, I fucked up once and Twittered my number. 0.98

00:01:52.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

00:01:53.000 Fuck, I remember that. 1.00

00:01:54.000 You, you, it's a whole different story. 1.00

00:01:55.000 I was trying to tweet to somebody else.

00:01:57.000 I forget.

00:01:58.000 I was trying to send a buddy of mine my number, my new number.

00:02:02.000 Yeah.

00:02:03.000 Who was that?

00:02:03.000 I don't remember who I did.

00:02:04.000 I fucked up. 0.97

00:02:06.000 Instead of hitting the reply to a direct message, somehow or another, it was a tweet, a regular tweet. 0.99

00:02:11.000 The other day, I got a number from Jamaica.

00:02:13.000 I was like, what is this?

00:02:14.000 I've got to answer it.

00:02:15.000 I swear to God, I'm not exaggerating.

00:02:17.000 I'm sure a lot of listeners have probably gotten this, but I probably had everybody who goes, Yeah, yeah.

00:02:22.000 You've won a prize.

00:02:23.000 Really terrible.

00:02:24.000 I was like, I have.

00:02:25.000 He goes, you won $2.5 million.

00:02:27.000 I just need some tax money from you.

00:02:31.000 I have to pay about 1% of that.

00:02:33.000 Then you can have the money.

00:02:34.000 Can I give you your tracking number now?

00:02:36.000 I was like, yes!

00:02:39.000 And he goes, can you read it back to me?

00:02:40.000 I read it back.

00:02:41.000 Oh, this is exciting.

00:02:42.000 I go, how much am I winning?

00:02:43.000 And he's 2.5 million.

00:02:45.000 Congratulations.

00:02:45.000 How do you feel?

00:02:46.000 I feel amazing.

00:02:48.000 This is incredible.

00:02:48.000 He goes, all you have to do is just, now we're going to have to, you have to pay the international tax.

00:02:53.000 That's all it is.

00:02:54.000 So just, I go, so I only have to pay one?

00:02:56.000 100% of $2.5 million, which I think is $250,000.

00:03:00.000 I don't know.

00:03:01.000 I'm really nervous.

00:03:01.000 I'm not sure.

00:03:02.000 But that's all I got to do.

00:03:04.000 No, Justin, in fact, I'm going to ask you for $25,000.

00:03:06.000 How does that sound, Tiago?

00:03:08.000 This is incredible.

00:03:10.000 And he goes, all right.

00:03:11.000 And then he gives me a bunch of other information.

00:03:12.000 And I'm like, I'm so excited.

00:03:14.000 I just feel like I don't know.

00:03:15.000 What did I do to get this?

00:03:16.000 He goes, you entered that sweepstakes.

00:03:17.000 The worst con job in the world.

00:03:19.000 Right.

00:03:19.000 And finally I go, let me ask you a question.

00:03:21.000 How fucking stupid? 1.00

00:03:24.000 I should have, but I was eating at a P.F. Chang's. 1.00

00:03:27.000 I was like, how fucking dumb do you think? 1.00

00:03:29.000 And he goes, and he just hung up. 1.00

00:03:32.000 He just swore. 1.00

00:03:33.000 Oh, he said mean shit to you? 1.00

00:03:36.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:03:37.000 Well, he's mad that he couldn't scam you.

00:03:39.000 But I mean, be a little better at scamming than telling me I won a huge prize.

00:03:43.000 What's incredible is that that works.

00:03:45.000 Yeah, it does.

00:03:45.000 I mean, it's incredible.

00:03:46.000 I do not remember who was telling us, but someone had a friend that... 0.96

00:03:51.000 God damn, I wish I remember who the hell it was. 0.91

00:03:54.000 But anyway, he was saying that... 0.99

00:03:56.000 Was it Ari?

00:03:58.000 Was it Ari that told us this?

00:03:59.000 That he knew a dude that thought, I think it was Ari, knew a dude that thought he won some crazy prize like this because he got scammed by these Nigerian guys and he started getting really cunty. 1.00

00:04:10.000 Like, yeah, you guys wait.

00:04:11.000 Wait till you see what I got coming.

00:04:13.000 And they were like, oh my god.

00:04:15.000 And you were saying all this while you're getting scammed by these Nigerians. 1.00

00:04:18.000 Well, Nigerians set up fake offices and a lot of them are lawyers and a lot of them are really educated. 0.99

00:04:24.000 I'll set up a fake gun.

00:04:25.000 They were swimming with big Wall Street guys for a while.

00:04:27.000 Oh, my God.

00:04:28.000 It's so crazy.

00:04:30.000 For cash.

00:04:31.000 Because a Wall Street guy could greet you and say, you know, you won't have to pay taxes on this.

00:04:36.000 But they'd have these offices.

00:04:37.000 They'd have it all set up.

00:04:38.000 They'd be with Nigerian Oil.

00:04:39.000 They'd have a company, a subsidiary.

00:04:41.000 And there was a big article.

00:04:43.000 Scotland Yard was all over these guys and the FBI because they wiped out.

00:04:47.000 They really did a good job.

00:04:49.000 They had some young guys who were traders give them $2 million in cash.

00:04:54.000 Oh, my God.

00:04:54.000 God!

00:04:54.000 Dummies!

00:04:55.000 This one guy mortars his house and he killed himself. 1.00

00:04:57.000 Oh! 0.60

00:04:58.000 God!

00:05:00.000 Oh my God!

00:05:02.000 God!

00:05:03.000 Some people can just get got.

00:05:05.000 No, what they would do is they would give you money.

00:05:07.000 They would give you...

00:05:08.000 They'd do something like give you money...

00:05:10.000 And then you would give them legit money or something, whatever it was.

00:05:13.000 There were a lot of different things that they would do.

00:05:15.000 And you'd get home with this money in some cases, and I can't remember the exact story, but the money was a fake dye that would wear off like in the movies, you know? 0.99

00:05:24.000 Like it was some kind of a fake, I don't know, I have no idea, but it was just, they'd realize that they were white, that they had been scammed of a million dollars and jump out a fucking window. 0.99

00:05:35.000 Commercials are an unnecessary evil. 0.99

00:05:40.000 Or a necessary evil.

00:05:42.000 Unnecessary.

00:05:43.000 You have to pay for bandwidth.

00:05:45.000 We're almost at high speed bandwidth, folks.

00:05:48.000 This week.

00:05:49.000 Hopefully.

00:05:50.000 It's all done.

00:05:52.000 I know people complain that the Ustream version looks kind of poopy. 0.95

00:05:58.000 We can't really show you, if we showed it in higher definition, our shit would crash. 0.99

00:06:03.000 It's whack. 0.97

00:06:04.000 Besides, I'm pretty striking in high def.

00:06:07.000 He's beautiful.

00:06:08.000 Yeah.

00:06:09.000 I have tight skin.

00:06:10.000 This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast is brought to you by Ting.

00:06:14.000 If you've never heard of Ting before, if you've never heard us talk about it, It's an excellent alternative to a lot of the...

00:06:21.000 What is that guy doing?

00:06:21.000 Is he smoking some money?

00:06:23.000 He's smoking some weed, man. 1.00

00:06:24.000 What the fuck is that? 1.00

00:06:26.000 It's a spoon? 1.00

00:06:28.000 Whoa.

00:06:28.000 That's a spoon?

00:06:29.000 There's Brendan Walsh drunk.

00:06:31.000 Brendan is hammered with his phone.

00:06:33.000 He's in love with his phone.

00:06:34.000 He thinks it's a person.

00:06:35.000 Is he selling...

00:06:36.000 You know what?

00:06:36.000 Brendan right now is texting a guy that's pretending to be a girl.

00:06:39.000 That's what's going on right there.

00:06:40.000 That's why he's in love.

00:06:41.000 He's making hilarious tweets right now.

00:06:44.000 Ting has all the high-end Android phones.

00:06:50.000 We've talked about this before on the podcast.

00:06:52.000 Unfortunately, there's no other way to say it. 0.99

00:06:55.000 Back in the day, If you had a smartphone other than an iPhone, you were a fool. 1.00

00:07:01.000 Like, you really were a fool. 1.00

00:07:03.000 Like, if you had one of those Blackberry Storms, I had one of those pieces of shit. 1.00

00:07:07.000 It was terrible. 1.00

00:07:08.000 Oh, God.

00:07:08.000 Dove Davidoff held onto his till, like, last year.

00:07:10.000 He called me up last year.

00:07:11.000 He goes, about a year ago, he goes, dude, this iPhone's fantastic.

00:07:14.000 Oh, is it?

00:07:15.000 Oh, really? 1.00

00:07:16.000 Hey, you heard of this new thing called cars, you fucking idiot, or are you still riding a horse? 1.00

00:07:20.000 For the longest time, if you had anything else, it was poop. 1.00

00:07:22.000 But now, not so much.

00:07:25.000 The Samsungs actually, for the first time ever, they're outselling the iPhones.

00:07:29.000 Wow.

00:07:30.000 The options of the larger screens, the Samsung Galaxy S3, look at the difference in the size of the Brian's screen with the cat on it.

00:07:38.000 I mean, the other cat.

00:07:40.000 That's a pitfall.

00:07:42.000 The cool death squad cat. 0.99

00:07:44.000 I mean, that is goddamn enormous. 0.98

00:07:46.000 And they're really fast. 0.96

00:07:48.000 I had an old...

00:07:50.000 Early version Android phone. 0.96

00:07:52.000 And it was kind of clunky and shitty. 0.79

00:07:53.000 But this Samsung Galaxy S3 is amazing. 0.86

00:07:57.000 And there's an S4 that's coming out now, too.

00:08:00.000 And they also have what's even cooler is the Note.

00:08:03.000 That Note is amazing.

00:08:05.000 Wow, what is that? 0.98

00:08:05.000 Oh, it's fucking huge. 0.98

00:08:07.000 It's this five-inch phone. 0.99

00:08:10.000 You can write on it.

00:08:11.000 Really?

00:08:11.000 Yeah.

00:08:12.000 They're like fucking computers, man. 1.00

00:08:14.000 They're tablets and phones all in one. 0.99

00:08:16.000 One of my first memories of you, one of the first times we ever hung out, is I came out to see you, and I had no idea you were such a tech nerd.

00:08:23.000 You got this fighter, this guy I talked to.

00:08:26.000 We went looking for pit bulls. 1.00

00:08:28.000 We're idiots, right? 1.00

00:08:28.000 But you were like, so techy. 1.00

00:08:30.000 I come and I see these computers.

00:08:31.000 You were on the internet.

00:08:32.000 I didn't know what the hell that was.

00:08:34.000 And then you go, hold on, I got to go to this.

00:08:36.000 We go to Fry's or something.

00:08:37.000 And you get memory, and you pop open your computer, and you put memory chips into your computer like you did it yourself.

00:08:45.000 And I remember being like...

00:08:46.000 This dude's a genius! 1.00

00:08:48.000 A fucking genius! 1.00

00:08:49.000 I made that computer. 1.00

00:08:50.000 I didn't even own his computer when you did that back then.

00:08:52.000 That was like in the 50s.

00:08:53.000 For a while, I would make my own computers.

00:08:56.000 I was proud of that.

00:08:57.000 Yeah.

00:08:58.000 Yeah, he was back, and before anybody, he had huge computer screens.

00:09:03.000 Like, you had a whole room.

00:09:04.000 It was like a war room.

00:09:05.000 I would buy monitors and then hook them up as computer screens. 0.93

00:09:09.000 Do you remember the first time, before I knew you could get shit on the internet, I hear him going, hee hee hee hee hee. 0.83

00:09:14.000 I'm like, what are you doing? 0.97

00:09:15.000 He goes, stay out, stay out!

00:09:16.000 I'm like, why is he keeping me out of his computer room?

00:09:18.000 I'm like, stop laughing, what?

00:09:20.000 And he goes, you come running at me, and I go, what are you doing?

00:09:24.000 He goes, okay, run in there and look now! 0.99

00:09:26.000 And I go running, and I hear you going, and as I go, I see this ass on the screen. 1.00

00:09:30.000 I'm like, why is that a big ass on the screen? 0.99

00:09:32.000 This is like weird. 0.98

00:09:33.000 And all of a sudden, I see this Japanese guy with his hair pulled back like a samurai, and he's going... 1.00

00:09:41.000 Underneath the ass. 1.00

00:09:42.000 I go, okay, I guess he's going to eat her ass or whatever. 1.00

00:09:44.000 Guess what? 1.00

00:09:45.000 Here comes some poo, ladies and gentlemen! 1.00

00:09:48.000 And the guy starts eating poo out of the girl's ass. 1.00

00:09:51.000 And Joe's going, he's laughing, but going... 1.00

00:09:53.000 And you made him wait so it would download.

00:10:00.000 I couldn't.

00:10:00.000 Yeah, that's what it was.

00:10:02.000 Well, actually, I had a T1 installed in my house back then.

00:10:05.000 That's right, I remember that. 0.96

00:10:06.000 Yeah, I was such a retard. 0.83

00:10:07.000 I had a T1 line installed in my house. 0.86

00:10:09.000 I used to ask you to go to Pitbull websites just so I could look at dogs.

00:10:13.000 I just had to throw away a lot of my old computers.

00:10:17.000 It was so sad because you would go through and look at all the video cards and look how cool they looked back then. 0.99

00:10:22.000 They're just shit now. 0.99

00:10:23.000 Your iPhone's a million times faster than that video card. 1.00

00:10:26.000 It's really incredible, isn't it?

00:10:27.000 If you think about back in the Quake 2 days.

00:10:30.000 Quake 2, I used to have what was called two video cards in SLI formation.

00:10:36.000 Meaning they're both linked up.

00:10:38.000 You have two separate video cards, and they link together through this computer cable, and it doubles your bandwidth as far as your ability to...

00:10:45.000 Hey, I went with you for that, too. 0.77

00:10:46.000 You dragged me to the computer to get fucking handles or guns for the Quake thing, like the special kind of handles? 0.98

00:10:53.000 No, no, no, no. 0.99

00:10:54.000 You play Quake with a mouse and a keyboard.

00:10:56.000 Oh, really?

00:10:57.000 There was something you were playing where we had to get...

00:10:59.000 Oh, there's a while.

00:11:00.000 Yeah, you know what?

00:11:01.000 I had a controller called something 3D that had a trackball and a gun on it as well.

00:11:08.000 It was really cool.

00:11:09.000 I came with him.

00:11:09.000 He's like, I gotta get this.

00:11:10.000 Yeah, but the trackball is just not quite as accurate.

00:11:13.000 There were some guys that were really good with that controller, but the thing was about that controller, it was very controversial because if you learned how to use that controller, then you wouldn't be good at the mouse and the keyboard.

00:11:24.000 Which was widely accepted by almost everybody to be the most accurate way.

00:11:27.000 Some guys got really good at using the controller, but they were still fucking themselves by not just going with a mouse and a keyboard.

00:11:32.000 Would you do a live Quake match in front of an audience versus Kevin Pereira?

00:11:37.000 Yeah, sure.

00:11:38.000 Yeah, that would be fun.

00:11:39.000 In Comic-Con 2018?

00:11:40.000 Yeah.

00:11:40.000 Well, if I can.

00:11:41.000 I mean, it all depends on if I can.

00:11:43.000 And you would have to train for it?

00:11:45.000 No, that's the problem.

00:11:46.000 The problem is if I started training, I would get obsessed again.

00:11:49.000 Yeah, but you...

00:11:50.000 Dude, you don't know the rush.

00:11:52.000 No, no, he gets crazy.

00:11:52.000 The rush of getting really good at Quake, it's so intense.

00:11:57.000 Really? 0.99

00:11:57.000 Yeah, because you're playing in these 3D games where you're running down hallways, you have a variety of weapons on you, and you're chasing motherfuckers, trying to kill them, and when you kill them, they splatter. 0.99

00:12:08.000 You're shooting rockets at them, and it's all in real time, and the graphics are amazing.

00:12:13.000 And you're seeing it through a first-person perspective.

00:12:15.000 Either you're seeing a gun in front of you or you're seeing crosshairs in front of you.

00:12:18.000 You're manipulating the character. 0.99

00:12:19.000 And the better you get at your hand-eye coordination and your understanding of maps, the more effectively you can just fuck people up.

00:12:26.000 There's many, many, many, many levels in video game skills. 0.61

00:12:29.000 And I never got really good.

00:12:31.000 I got good for a regular person.

00:12:33.000 But I never got really good.

00:12:35.000 But I played some really good guys and just got slaughtered.

00:12:38.000 When I was doing Ride Along, that movie I shot in Atlanta with Ice Cube and Kevin Hart, I would go into Kevin Hart's trailer all the time because we would just hang out and he's hilarious.

00:12:52.000 And he and his buddies would be taking that Madden basketball game so fucking seriously, like serious, like serious, like real competition, real games.

00:13:04.000 And get pissed off at each other if they lost. 0.95

00:13:06.000 And they're really a tight group.

00:13:07.000 They love each other.

00:13:08.000 But it was war. 1.00

00:13:09.000 That fucking game was war. 1.00

00:13:11.000 I come in, hey, Kevin, you'd be playing. 1.00

00:13:12.000 I wouldn't even...

00:13:13.000 They're addictive, man.

00:13:15.000 Yeah, it's super addictive. 1.00

00:13:17.000 I don't fuck around with them anymore. 0.99

00:13:18.000 I still play pool. 1.00

00:13:19.000 I don't fuck around with video games anymore. 0.87

00:13:21.000 But I am still addicted to technology, which is why, like I said, we're really into Ting. 0.96

00:13:27.000 What Ting provides is not just the greatest Android phones available.

00:13:31.000 But they also provide contract-free Cell phone service on a major network.

00:13:38.000 It's on the Sprint backbone, so it's not like you're not on a mom-and-pop network.

00:13:44.000 You're on a huge network.

00:13:46.000 And you can do that with no contracts.

00:13:49.000 And the way Sprint has it, not only are there no contracts, but they give you credit on unused service.

00:13:56.000 So if you use less than you thought you would...

00:13:58.000 On Ting.

00:13:59.000 You said Sprint.

00:14:00.000 Did I say Sprint?

00:14:01.000 Yeah.

00:14:01.000 Well, they're using Sprint.

00:14:02.000 Yeah, but the Sprint doesn't have the thing.

00:14:04.000 Yeah, well, don't go to Sprint.

00:14:06.000 Go to Ting. 0.98

00:14:07.000 Jesus Christ.

00:14:08.000 Who lets us get high and do commercials?

00:14:11.000 I want to know whose idea that was.

00:14:13.000 I was just laughing because they're so meandering in so long.

00:14:15.000 But they're awesome.

00:14:17.000 Ting, anyway, go to rogan.ting.com and you can save yourself 25 bucks off of either one of their phones or one of their Or their service.

00:14:28.000 And what I was saying was that Ting gives you credit on unused service.

00:14:33.000 So if you use less than you thought you would, Ting actually drops you down and credits you the difference on your next bill. 0.98

00:14:41.000 I mean that shit's unheard of. 0.96

00:14:43.000 Companies never give you their money back. 0.99

00:14:45.000 But it's the ethical way to do it.

00:14:47.000 And what they realize is you can still make money and provide people...

00:14:51.000 A great service. 0.99

00:14:53.000 And, you know, you don't have to fuck people over. 0.99

00:14:55.000 You don't have to rip them off. 0.99

00:14:56.000 And you can do things in a generous way.

00:14:58.000 And that's how Ting operates.

00:15:00.000 And I love that.

00:15:01.000 I think it's a great ethic.

00:15:03.000 And when you see a company that has, you know, that that's how they're operating their business, it makes you feel good about being connected to them.

00:15:10.000 It makes you feel good about what message they're projecting.

00:15:15.000 I was thinking about that, like the ethical, you know, I just got sponsored too by Ting.

00:15:19.000 The Brian Callen Show.

00:15:21.000 Powerful Brian Callen Show.

00:15:22.000 The Brian got some good guests, not to mention the 10-Minute Podcast.

00:15:27.000 When they came to me, I said to myself, I knew there were good companies through you, so I was like, that's great.

00:15:33.000 But then I thought, you know...

00:15:35.000 If you get sponsored by somebody who wants to offer you a lot of money, say your podcast becomes huge, and sometimes companies can become so big and you're not sure where their interests are or what they're doing, it really does kind of raise some questions.

00:15:48.000 I don't want to be responsible for supporting or shelling a company that doesn't have ethical practices.

00:15:55.000 It's a hard one.

00:15:56.000 Well, you don't have to anymore.

00:15:57.000 There's plenty of really good companies, and I think a lot of these companies are also operating on the internet.

00:16:04.000 The internet is pretty transparent.

00:16:06.000 It's not difficult to compare rates and services.

00:16:11.000 People know now.

00:16:14.000 And they also know that every company doesn't have to squeeze every last blood out of you.

00:16:22.000 When you have something that's required, a service, like cell phone service, it becomes that weird, creepy thing where they've got you. 0.99

00:16:29.000 You fucking need them, okay? 0.98

00:16:31.000 You need them. 1.00

00:16:32.000 That's right, you need them.

00:16:33.000 McDonald's says that they never treat anybody like a hamburger, meaning, so you go and say, I don't like my hamburger, they'll give you a free one.

00:16:39.000 Why?

00:16:39.000 The hamburger, a lot of people say, well, you walk in and you're not a $2 hamburger.

00:16:43.000 The average customer in McDonald's spends, I think, about $53,000 over a lifetime on McDonald's.

00:16:49.000 They're loyal customers.

00:16:50.000 So when you walk through that door, you're worth $53,000.

00:16:53.000 Wow, that's an interesting way of looking at them.

00:16:55.000 So they treat you like a person, not a hamburger.

00:16:57.000 How about just do it because they want to be nice?

00:16:59.000 How about that? 1.00

00:17:00.000 How about McDonald's, you fucking cunty number counting assholes? 1.00

00:17:04.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

00:17:05.000 How about you just do it because you're nice? 0.95

00:17:07.000 Don't treat someone like they're $50,000.

00:17:09.000 Treat them like they're nice.

00:17:09.000 I do think that some companies like Starbucks, from what I understand, is very responsible socially.

00:17:14.000 They're very intent on using the money they make and that power to...

00:17:19.000 It's a big responsibility, and I think that you're right.

00:17:22.000 I mean, just how about doing it because it's the right thing to do?

00:17:24.000 Yeah.

00:17:26.000 It just makes me happy to work with companies that I know are not douchey.

00:17:30.000 So that's how I feel about Ting. 0.52

00:17:31.000 Go to rogan.ting.com, save yourself some money.

00:17:34.000 Also, we're brought to you by Squarespace, and Squarespace is one of our newer sponsors.

00:17:40.000 If you've never been and don't know what it is, Squarespace is an all-in-one, inclusive platform online for the average, regular, everyday schmo like you or me, son, to go and create their own website. 0.52

00:17:55.000 And it's pretty fucking badass.

00:17:58.000 And, you know, when I first got my very first website... 0.62

00:18:03.000 A dude named Menthol created it for me.

00:18:05.000 Menthol did most of my websites.

00:18:07.000 Have you talked about it?

00:18:07.000 No, I gotta get in touch with him, man.

00:18:09.000 He got super busy.

00:18:11.000 He got a lot of things going on in his personal life, too.

00:18:14.000 He was a guy I used to play Quake with.

00:18:16.000 In extreme detriment, we had a Quake clan.

00:18:19.000 Well, he can train you.

00:18:20.000 He can train you for this big event.

00:18:21.000 Your name was extreme detriment.

00:18:22.000 He was always a little bit better than me when we played Quake.

00:18:26.000 He was just a little bit better than me.

00:18:28.000 He was good.

00:18:28.000 He played really good.

00:18:30.000 We could have a comedy show and a podcast going around you while you're playing Quake on stage.

00:18:34.000 I am terrified of...

00:18:36.000 It sounds so ridiculous, but I'm terrified of becoming addicted to playing video games again.

00:18:40.000 Well, you get excited about... 0.82

00:18:41.000 I don't even know if it's an addiction.

00:18:42.000 You just get...

00:18:42.000 I love when you get really excited.

00:18:44.000 One time, I remember, you were like...

00:18:45.000 You were like...

00:18:46.000 We were like 30. And you're like, look at this t-shirt!

00:18:49.000 It was a UFC t-shirt.

00:18:50.000 It was like a fight t-shirt.

00:18:52.000 And then look at this!

00:18:52.000 It's a race car!

00:18:53.000 And then look over here!

00:18:55.000 This thing, this is a workout!

00:18:56.000 It's a book!

00:18:57.000 And then there was a pause and you go, I'm 12. It's so fucking great. 0.98

00:19:03.000 Because we were all looking at you like, I mean, we're kind of idiots too, but geez, this is a little overboard. 0.99

00:19:06.000 You get really excited over a design on a t-shirt, dude. 0.98

00:19:09.000 Dude, I'd get really excited about the newest video games coming out.

00:19:13.000 I've always been very childlike.

00:19:14.000 Yeah, but you could just replace your pool obsession with your Quake obsession and then you'd be home with the kids more.

00:19:19.000 Don't want to do it.

00:19:20.000 No, I don't go.

00:19:21.000 I play pool maybe one night a week, if that.

00:19:24.000 Do you remember when we were hunting and...

00:19:26.000 I remember, I think you said something, I was like, I don't need a lot of sleep out here.

00:19:30.000 Yeah, it's different.

00:19:31.000 Because we're so not, like, the amount of stimulus we're exposed to.

00:19:35.000 Yeah, we're inundated.

00:19:37.000 It's crazy.

00:19:38.000 Colors.

00:19:39.000 We're not designed for this, that's for sure.

00:19:41.000 We're designed for what you experience when you go camping.

00:19:44.000 That's what we're designed for.

00:19:45.000 We're designed to take in nature.

00:19:47.000 We're not designed for Times Square. 0.99

00:19:49.000 The human body does not know what the fuck to do with Times Square. 0.99

00:19:51.000 The human body sees giant billboards and just goes... 0.99

00:19:55.000 Your whole system is out of whack. 1.00

00:19:59.000 You're like, what the fuck am I even looking at? 1.00

00:20:01.000 What am I looking at when I'm going to the movies? 0.99

00:20:03.000 What am I dealing with when I'm listening to songs? 0.99

00:20:07.000 The input that we receive today is that we're not designed for any of this shit. 0.99

00:20:11.000 Our body's not caught up to what technology can do. 0.99

00:20:14.000 Nope. 1.00

00:20:14.000 You fucks. 1.00

00:20:16.000 That's why there's one theory about autism with kids. 1.00

00:20:18.000 Kids who have hyperactive minds and central nervous systems.

00:20:24.000 Maybe we're evolving.

00:20:26.000 We're literally evolving with technology.

00:20:29.000 I totally believe that.

00:20:31.000 I totally believe that it makes sense.

00:20:33.000 I mean, I think it's terrifying for people because we love our emotions.

00:20:37.000 But I think the reality is we're probably going to eventually outgrow them. 1.00

00:20:40.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

00:20:41.000 Did I say that? 1.00

00:20:42.000 Oh, I was having fun until then.

00:20:44.000 Keep hope alive. 1.00

00:20:45.000 Squarespace, you dirty fucks. 1.00

00:20:47.000 Keep hope alive. 1.00

00:20:48.000 This was supposed to be an ad.

00:20:50.000 I'm making a website right now.

00:20:52.000 It clearly went off the rails.

00:20:54.000 It's pretty cool.

00:20:54.000 You could just pretty much pick a theme, what you want your website to look like, out of a bunch of different things.

00:21:01.000 And then, like, if you're watching right now, I'm just pretty much making a website.

00:21:06.000 As you sit here talking to me.

00:21:08.000 Yeah.

00:21:09.000 Yeah, it's ridiculously easy.

00:21:10.000 So you just hit this to change the title.

00:21:12.000 Look at this.

00:21:13.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:21:14.000 I fucking love it.

00:21:15.000 I want to do it.

00:21:16.000 I should create my own website.

00:21:18.000 I want to do it.

00:21:22.000 And that's now the name of my...

00:21:24.000 That's now your new website?

00:21:25.000 Yeah, that's my new website.

00:21:26.000 I like it.

00:21:27.000 That's a catchy blog title. 0.82

00:21:28.000 I want dolphin butthole. 1.00

00:21:30.000 I mean, who could forget that? 0.68

00:21:32.000 You'd be like, that guy's got something to say.

00:21:34.000 I did a podcast.

00:21:37.000 Squarespace.com forward slash Joe.

00:21:40.000 Go there.

00:21:40.000 No credit card is needed, but try it out, and you can start building your website.

00:21:46.000 And then if you decide to purchase...

00:21:48.000 Squarespace.

00:21:49.000 You can use the offer code JOE3 and get 10% off your first purchase on new accounts including monthly and annual plans.

00:21:59.000 Squarespace has built-in e-commerce abilities that's really badass and easy to use.

00:22:09.000 Super easy to set up your own online store.

00:22:12.000 You can do it ridiculously fast.

00:22:15.000 And they offer 24-7 support, responsive design.

00:22:19.000 Your site will look great on any device.

00:22:21.000 You can have it on an iPhone, an iPad, a computer.

00:22:24.000 It's going to look sweet. 0.99

00:22:26.000 They know what the fuck they're doing. 0.99

00:22:27.000 I mean, it's really incredible. 0.99

00:22:30.000 This used to be so hard to do.

00:22:32.000 My God, making a website at one point in time was just completely outside of the realm of my even thinking.

00:22:41.000 Brian just made a website, okay? 0.71

00:22:43.000 Look, I want dolphin butthole. 1.00

00:22:44.000 There it is, okay?

00:22:45.000 He just did that. 1.00

00:22:46.000 He made a fucking website. 1.00

00:22:47.000 I mean, in the time we're doing this This conversation, he made a website. 1.00

00:22:51.000 That shit's ridiculous. 0.99

00:22:52.000 And look, I could make a store right now. 1.00

00:22:53.000 I could just manage products, and now I'm selling dolphin and butthole lube.

00:22:56.000 I forgot the tweet that I'm doing the joke. 0.99

00:22:58.000 He's selling bikes and skis and shit. 0.99

00:23:00.000 He just started selling skis from his store. 0.99

00:23:02.000 I mean, this is madness.

00:23:04.000 This is like World War Z, but with technology.

00:23:08.000 It's not zombies, but it's websites. 0.99

00:23:11.000 They're just fucking, every 12 seconds, you got a new one. 0.98

00:23:14.000 Anyway, go to Squarespace.com. 0.99

00:23:18.000 Excuse me.

00:23:19.000 That's Squarespace.com forward slash Joe.

00:23:23.000 And use the offer code Joe and the number 3. And you can get 10%.

00:23:29.000 Wait, is it number 4 now because it's April?

00:23:31.000 Oh, it's April, right?

00:23:33.000 Yeah, you should probably use four.

00:23:36.000 I hope so.

00:23:36.000 Use four.

00:23:38.000 Jesus Christ.

00:23:39.000 But use it.

00:23:40.000 It's a cool company and a cool product.

00:23:42.000 And it really works. 0.99

00:23:44.000 If you're looking to make your own website, I say go follow it, bitch. 1.00

00:23:47.000 Go follow it. 1.00

00:23:48.000 Holla! 1.00

00:23:49.000 I think it's interesting that you're advertising things.

00:23:51.000 I just wanted to say to your fans, if you guys like to laugh, I don't know if any of you out there are Wait, are you doing a show anywhere, Brian Cannon?

00:23:58.000 What?

00:23:59.000 A comedy show!

00:24:00.000 That's a weird question.

00:24:01.000 I am, in fact, this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at Laugh Out Loud in San Antonio, Texas.

00:24:07.000 Laugh Out Loud in San Antonio. 0.99

00:24:08.000 L-O-L-Sanantonio.com for tickets, you bastards. 1.00

00:24:12.000 San Antonio. 1.00

00:24:13.000 Yeah.

00:24:13.000 That's a gangster town.

00:24:14.000 It's a gangster town.

00:24:15.000 Brian Callen's website, if you're listening to this later, has all his tour dates, podcasts, photos, and videos on it.

00:24:19.000 And it's just BrianCallen.com.

00:24:21.000 And listen to the 10-Minute Podcast and the Brian Callen Show.

00:24:24.000 We got a good one.

00:24:25.000 10-Minute Podcast I talk about.

00:24:26.000 I confess to killing a dolphin and the boys have to talk me off a ledge.

00:24:29.000 Oh, sweetie.

00:24:30.000 That's not true.

00:24:31.000 Don't even say that.

00:24:32.000 I would never do that.

00:24:33.000 But on the Brian Callen Show, I did interview a really interesting guy, and it's up now, Vincent LaBarbera, who is a defense lawyer.

00:24:41.000 Let's talk about it.

00:24:42.000 Let's get through this commercial and we'll talk about it.

00:24:44.000 Yeah, I would love to.

00:24:45.000 This is going to be missing from the Sirius Satellite broadcast.

00:24:49.000 He's a badass.

00:24:50.000 Onnit.com is our last sponsor.

00:24:52.000 We're out of chimp kettlebells. 0.99

00:24:53.000 Sorry, bitches. 1.00

00:24:54.000 No, I want one! 1.00

00:24:55.000 Listen, I told you, motherfuckers. 1.00

00:24:58.000 Okay? 1.00

00:24:59.000 It's hard to make these things. 0.99

00:25:01.000 Hard to keep these bitches in stock. 1.00

00:25:02.000 They went flying out because they're so cool looking. 0.99

00:25:04.000 Out of stock!

00:25:05.000 Oh, and by the way, you know why I'm a good friend?

00:25:07.000 Because I don't call you up and say, I saw that night.

00:25:10.000 I don't call you up and say, hey, dude, get me some chimp kettlebells. 1.00

00:25:12.000 I'll get you some.

00:25:13.000 No, I'm buying them.

00:25:14.000 I'm like everybody else.

00:25:16.000 I'll get you some.

00:25:16.000 No.

00:25:17.000 I'm getting one to Donald's Cowboy Cerrone too.

00:25:19.000 I want it.

00:25:21.000 Look, it needs to be given away to some people. 0.99

00:25:23.000 That shit is just too cool not to have. 1.00

00:25:25.000 It looks like a chimp biting off your dick. 1.00

00:25:27.000 That is the chimp biting off your dick face. 1.00

00:25:29.000 And you know what you should do for motivation, for motivation in your workouts, you know, you could hold the kettlebells like that, looking at the chimp and then drop it down to your dick and then push away. 1.00

00:25:41.000 Drop it down to your dick and then push away. 0.99

00:25:43.000 It could be the new kettlebell routine. 1.00

00:25:46.000 Like the chimp bite your dick kip-ups or something. 1.00

00:25:51.000 I just read a book called Our Inner Ape and he talks about how we're a bipolar ape and he compares us to chimps and gorillas. 0.99

00:25:57.000 But one of the things is they used to – they had a circus of a thing where they had a chimp that they muzzled and they took strong men and tried to control that chimp, tried to like wrestle with it. 0.93

00:26:06.000 None of them.

00:26:07.000 No, you can't wrestle with a chimp. 1.00

00:26:10.000 They're so strong.

00:26:10.000 It's also got its feet.

00:26:11.000 It's got four hands.

00:26:12.000 Good luck.

00:26:13.000 Four hands.

00:26:13.000 Yeah, and the amount of strength that they have.

00:26:15.000 Well, five times the pulling power.

00:26:16.000 We don't even understand it.

00:26:18.000 It's just we think, well, they're about our size.

00:26:20.000 So, you know, you're dealing with something completely different.

00:26:23.000 It's just completely different. 0.98

00:26:25.000 But if you want to get chimp strong, go get yourself some other shit that we have. 1.00

00:26:28.000 We have regular kettlebells still. 0.99

00:26:29.000 Like the Joey Deans.

00:26:30.000 In all sizes. 0.99

00:26:31.000 That was a great April Fool's 100-pound Joey Diaz fucking kettlebell. 1.00

00:26:36.000 That's so ridiculous. 1.00

00:26:38.000 I love it. 0.97

00:26:39.000 I want it.

00:26:39.000 We have Club Bells.

00:26:41.000 We start selling those now and Chin Up bars and all kinds of different fitness shit.

00:26:45.000 And of course, a lot of great fitness supplements including Hemp Force, the delicious and nutritious hemp protein supplement that has raw maca and raw cocoa and maca.

00:26:59.000 And it's sweetened with stevia so there's very little sugar.

00:27:03.000 There's only one gram of sugar in a full serving. 0.99

00:27:05.000 It's fucking delicious. 0.99

00:27:06.000 Super good for you. 0.99

00:27:07.000 And we have to get it from Canada, because our cunty twatbag government says it's illegal to grow the non-psychoactive version of this marijuana. 1.00

00:27:16.000 You can't grow it, so these silly bitches. 1.00

00:27:19.000 So we have to buy it from Canada. 1.00

00:27:21.000 But it's super good for you.

00:27:22.000 Really easy to digest.

00:27:23.000 I love it in the morning. 0.97

00:27:25.000 If I don't have the time to put together a kale shake, I'm just fucking running out the door.

00:27:30.000 I take one of those C2O coconut waters, I throw in some hemp force, boom. 0.63

00:27:34.000 It's not like a lot of food, but it fills me up.

00:27:38.000 It's nutritious. 0.99

00:27:39.000 It's also fucking delicious. 0.99

00:27:40.000 It's easy to digest. 0.99

00:27:41.000 Yeah, it's super easy to digest.

00:27:43.000 You're getting some nutrition, like good nutrition, in a small form.

00:27:47.000 And it's great after workouts, too.

00:27:49.000 Anyway, Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T. If you use the code name ROGAN, you will save 10% off any and all supplements.

00:27:57.000 Alright, we got through it.

00:27:58.000 Brian Callens here.

00:27:59.000 We're already getting busy, so let's play some music first.

00:28:04.000 Oh, right now?

00:28:05.000 Oh, yeah.

00:28:06.000 Go.

00:28:10.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:28:34.000 My voice is so creepy!

00:28:37.000 It's Joe Rogan!

00:28:43.000 A barrel of snakes for a bat.

00:28:45.000 A barrel of snakes for a bat.

00:28:47.000 A barrel of snakes for a bat.

00:28:48.000 A barrel of snakes for a bat.

00:28:51.000 A barrel of snakes for a bat.

00:28:52.000 A barrel of snakes for a bat.

00:28:54.000 A barrel of snakes for a bat.

00:28:57.000 A barrel of snakes for a bat.

00:29:01.000 A barrel of snakes for a bat.

00:29:16.000 And then it goes right into the...

00:29:18.000 Here's the breakdown.

00:29:23.000 My voice is so terrible.

00:29:31.000 That's hilarious, dude.

00:29:32.000 That's hilarious. 0.71

00:29:33.000 Yeah, that is one of the most surprising things about podcasting is the amount of cool shit that people do on their own.

00:29:41.000 People create funny YouTube compilations.

00:29:45.000 Dude, I did...

00:29:45.000 These guys in San Antonio...

00:29:47.000 I can't remember their name.

00:29:49.000 I'm going to try to find them and give them a shout out. 0.74

00:29:51.000 I tweet that I'm going to be in San Antonio and these guys create a whole video devoted to Brian Callen and no cunts allowed. 0.97

00:30:00.000 No cunts, please. 0.99

00:30:01.000 No cunts allowed. 1.00

00:30:03.000 I was dying! 0.97

00:30:04.000 They made a three-minute, really well-done, put-together video.

00:30:08.000 Like a commercial for you.

00:30:10.000 Yeah, they made a commercial for me on Twitter.

00:30:12.000 I'm trying to find them because they were so awesome.

00:30:16.000 Oh, man.

00:30:17.000 Anyway, I'll just give a shout-out.

00:30:19.000 But, I mean, that's what the internet does.

00:30:21.000 You get a bunch of guys who are like, dude, let's make a video for them advertising.

00:30:25.000 I was dying.

00:30:26.000 You guys are coming to my show for free, by the way.

00:30:28.000 Just come up to me and tell me that you did it.

00:30:30.000 Now everybody will be like that.

00:30:31.000 Yeah, you need proof, man.

00:30:33.000 You need to do another one.

00:30:35.000 I know the guys, so I know what they look like.

00:30:39.000 It's a great thing, man.

00:30:40.000 It's the great democratizing force.

00:30:43.000 I have a beautiful voice.

00:30:44.000 I didn't realize that. 1.00

00:30:45.000 Well, I think they put some of that fucking Jay-Z shit in your voice. 1.00

00:30:49.000 What is that stuff? 1.00

00:30:49.000 I don't know what you're talking about. 1.00

00:30:50.000 That electronic thing?

00:30:53.000 What is that music thing?

00:30:55.000 What's it called?

00:30:56.000 Auto-tune?

00:30:57.000 Yeah, auto-tune. 0.99

00:30:58.000 They auto-tuned the fuck out of you, son. 0.97

00:30:59.000 No, they didn't. 0.98

00:31:02.000 It's not Jay-Z. When I say Jay-Z, who uses that auto-tune shit? 1.00

00:31:06.000 T-Pain, yeah. 0.99

00:31:07.000 T-Pain.

00:31:08.000 I think I sound like Josh Groban.

00:31:09.000 I don't even know what that guy sounds like.

00:31:11.000 I win.

00:31:13.000 I win.

00:31:14.000 Yes, you do.

00:31:15.000 I win.

00:31:16.000 I don't.

00:31:17.000 I would not be able to pick it out of a lineup.

00:31:19.000 And, you know, if you played it for me and it wasn't him, you would get me. 0.99

00:31:24.000 You could sell me a fucking album with Johnny Two-Tone from down the block singing. 0.98

00:31:29.000 If you could be one rock and roll frontman of all time, who would it be? 1.00

00:31:32.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:31:34.000 I don't know.

00:31:34.000 It's a tough one, isn't it?

00:31:35.000 It's tough to fuck with David Lee Roth. 1.00

00:31:38.000 It's tough to fuck with Diamond Dave. 1.00

00:31:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:40.000 When it comes to front men... 1.00

00:31:42.000 Yeah.

00:31:43.000 Dude, there was some years in the 1980s, like 84, 85, through the jump era, they dominated.

00:31:52.000 They dominated.

00:31:53.000 They dominated.

00:31:54.000 His voice was incredible.

00:31:55.000 Yeah.

00:31:56.000 I mean, it's no wonder they broke up.

00:31:58.000 They were hitting it so hard.

00:31:59.000 Of course they all lost their mind.

00:32:01.000 It's like...

00:32:02.000 Well, I spent time with Diamond Dave.

00:32:04.000 Oh, yeah.

00:32:05.000 And he had real conversations, like two hours long.

00:32:11.000 Because he used to rent Dove Davidoff's apartment above Dove Davidoff.

00:32:15.000 He had a building Dove had, and he used to rent from Dove Davidoff above him.

00:32:19.000 And he basically would practice karate.

00:32:22.000 He had his helicopter's license.

00:32:24.000 He was an EMT, a real paramedic, and saved lives. 1.00

00:32:27.000 He'd pull somebody out of a car and they'd be like, you're David Lee Roth, what the fuck? 0.99

00:32:31.000 And he was like, ah! 0.99

00:32:32.000 But he told us these great stories.

00:32:34.000 And he's very, very Spartan.

00:32:37.000 He has a bowl and a spoon.

00:32:39.000 And sometimes he'd sleep on the roof outside in the tent.

00:32:42.000 He's just a real...

00:32:43.000 He's a very unusual dude.

00:32:45.000 Yeah, he's not into money or anything.

00:32:46.000 He's living in a really small apartment in Tokyo now.

00:32:49.000 There it is.

00:32:50.000 He came on the podcast and talked to us about it.

00:32:53.000 He's been living in Tokyo for 10 months.

00:32:54.000 Really?

00:32:55.000 Yeah.

00:32:55.000 This is what a trip this guy is.

00:32:57.000 They were going to do some shows in Tokyo.

00:32:59.000 And I go, how many?

00:33:00.000 Like, for how long?

00:33:01.000 He's like, we're going to do about two weeks in Tokyo.

00:33:03.000 I'm like, okay.

00:33:05.000 He went for 10 months.

00:33:07.000 Wow.

00:33:07.000 For 10 months.

00:33:08.000 Yeah.

00:33:08.000 He said that Eddie got sick.

00:33:11.000 And so when they had a postponement, it took a long time for them to be able to reschedule because it's a big tour.

00:33:17.000 So when Eddie got sick and then they rescheduled, he said, well, hey, I'll just go over there and see what it's like. 0.94

00:33:22.000 So he fucking moves to Tokyo. 0.91

00:33:24.000 He used to kayak around Manhattan. 0.99

00:33:28.000 Did he really?

00:33:29.000 Yeah, what are you going to do today?

00:33:30.000 I'm going to kayak around Manhattan.

00:33:32.000 I'm going to kayak around Manhattan, the island of Manhattan.

00:33:34.000 Kayak in the Hudson River.

00:33:36.000 He does what he wants when out.

00:33:39.000 You know?

00:33:40.000 What were you gonna say though?

00:33:41.000 He's taking sword classes.

00:33:43.000 Oh yeah.

00:33:43.000 That's what he's doing.

00:33:44.000 He's taking sword fighting classes and learning Japanese. 0.99

00:33:47.000 So he came over here speaking Japanese and telling us about his fucking sword fight. 0.99

00:33:51.000 He's 58! 0.99

00:33:52.000 Well, he refers to karate as karate.

00:33:55.000 Karate.

00:33:56.000 That's my favorite.

00:33:57.000 Well, I studied karate for many years.

00:33:59.000 In fact, I've studied so long I feel as though I am karate.

00:34:03.000 Well, he has a legit martial arts background.

00:34:05.000 There's no doubt about it.

00:34:06.000 Like, he definitely, like, I remember he would throw kicks, like, when he would do his shows. 0.99

00:34:10.000 I'm like, that guy can move his fucking body, man. 0.99

00:34:12.000 Flexible, can do the splits. 1.00

00:34:13.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:34:14.000 He would throw these, like, crazy high kicks, and you're like, holy shit. 0.93

00:34:17.000 Like, you can't, like, the way he was throwing kicks was like a guy who's trained martial arts. 0.97

00:34:22.000 Yeah, and a lot.

00:34:22.000 Seriously.

00:34:23.000 Yeah.

00:34:23.000 Yeah, a lot and trained very hard.

00:34:26.000 He's in really good shape.

00:34:27.000 Yeah, he's in great shape, man.

00:34:28.000 It's interesting to meet a guy like that. 0.99

00:34:31.000 It's like this 58-year-old sort of guy who just still does whatever the fuck you want. 0.98

00:34:35.000 I don't think I'll go to Japan. 1.00

00:34:37.000 Fuck it. 1.00

00:34:38.000 Yeah, I think what happens, though, when you've hit the apex of fame, like when you're a rock star on his level, You're the biggest... 1.00

00:34:45.000 You don't get more famous than that.

00:34:47.000 You just don't.

00:34:48.000 On earth.

00:34:49.000 And just to play the stadiums and just go crazy.

00:34:53.000 And I think once you do that, and you kind of...

00:34:56.000 If you're an interested person in the world, you realize that's...

00:35:01.000 You get immune to that.

00:35:02.000 I think you get immune to it.

00:35:03.000 I think you get immune to that public embrace.

00:35:05.000 And then you've got to find some way else to keep yourself inspired and excited and interested and, you know...

00:35:13.000 That sounds like what he does, man.

00:35:15.000 That's why he's got such varied interests, man.

00:35:17.000 He's such an interesting dude.

00:35:20.000 I've got him on my phone right now.

00:35:21.000 I've got their greatest hits.

00:35:22.000 I was just listening to them.

00:35:24.000 Like Diver Down.

00:35:26.000 Yeah, dude.

00:35:28.000 Some of those songs.

00:35:29.000 Running with the Devil. 1.00

00:35:31.000 God damn, those were good songs. 1.00

00:35:33.000 They were unbelievable. 0.99

00:35:34.000 But they were so big that it's no wonder that they broke up. 0.99

00:35:39.000 Who the fuck knows how to manage that? 0.98

00:35:41.000 I was having a conversation with someone about Justin Bieber, where they're like, you know, did you hear what he did? 0.99

00:35:47.000 He did this the other day, and that happened the other day. 0.97

00:35:50.000 I'm like, do you know how fucking crazy I would be if I was Justin Bieber? 0.93

00:35:54.000 That kid's holding it together remarkably. 0.98

00:35:57.000 Remarkably well.

00:35:58.000 Yeah, when I was 18 or 19 years old, if I had... 0.99

00:36:02.000 A hundred million dollars on a fucking Ferrari? 0.99

00:36:04.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:36:05.000 Right now, bro.

00:36:05.000 Right now.

00:36:06.000 Who are you talking to?

00:36:08.000 Right now, I'd be a mess.

00:36:10.000 Yeah, I mean, that kid's fine.

00:36:12.000 He's fine.

00:36:13.000 So he spit on somebody.

00:36:15.000 Who knows what happened, really? 0.99

00:36:17.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.96

00:36:17.000 When you're constantly surrounded by people, oh, he's a nice guy. 0.96

00:36:20.000 He was at the Laugh Factory.

00:36:21.000 He was in the crowd on a Tuesday night, and Dom Herrera gets on stage, and Justin's up there, and he goes, Justin, it must have been really hard for you before you made it, that one tough year when you were like 14. It was fucking great. 0.95

00:36:35.000 Dom Rivera is awesome. 0.99

00:36:37.000 Dom Rivera comes up with one-liners just off the top of his head.

00:36:39.000 He's an animal. 0.74

00:36:40.000 Oh, man. 1.00

00:36:41.000 He's so fucking legit. 1.00

00:36:43.000 Oh, fucking Dom. 1.00

00:36:45.000 He's been doing stand-up for like 100 years at a high level. 1.00

00:36:48.000 I always love to remind Dom that I paid to see him before I ever did comedy myself.

00:36:54.000 So did I. I remember his jokes.

00:36:56.000 I did his jokes to him.

00:36:57.000 Yeah, I paid to see him at Nick's Comedy Stop.

00:37:00.000 I actually went two nights in a row because he missed his flight or something like that on the first night.

00:37:05.000 And so that was how I found out about Dennis Leary.

00:37:08.000 Dennis Leary went up that night and I was like, who is this guy? 0.98

00:37:12.000 Where the fuck is Dom Herrera? 0.98

00:37:13.000 Like, I paid to see Dom Herrera. 0.99

00:37:15.000 Well, something happened.

00:37:16.000 There was like a missed flight or something along those lines.

00:37:18.000 So I was like, God, this guy.

00:37:20.000 Who's this guy?

00:37:21.000 I was like so bummed out. 0.99

00:37:23.000 But he fucking destroyed. 0.99

00:37:25.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:37:26.000 He destroyed.

00:37:27.000 Back then, no cure for cancer.

00:37:29.000 I mean, this is before I knew anything about the plagiarism or anything about the bad things you hear about Leary. 0.97

00:37:35.000 All I knew then, I didn't even know who he was, but he went on and fucking crushed. 0.96

00:37:40.000 Amazing. 0.97

00:37:41.000 He was like my favorite comedian for like six months.

00:37:42.000 It's incredible when you see somebody who's that good at something.

00:37:45.000 You see stand-up for the first time and you have maybe designs on...

00:37:49.000 I just did this interview just now today for the San Antonio thing and I literally said to the guy, I said, I still can't believe I can do stand-up.

00:37:57.000 I can't believe I'm lucky enough.

00:37:59.000 I'm truly lucky enough to go around the country and make people laugh.

00:38:03.000 I can't believe I have that capacity.

00:38:06.000 The great surprise of my life was waking up one day and realizing, I think maybe I can do this if I really practice.

00:38:13.000 You know what I mean?

00:38:14.000 When did you come to that?

00:38:16.000 I always thought you knew you could do that.

00:38:18.000 No, man, no. 0.99

00:38:19.000 I was a silly goose always, as you know. 0.89

00:38:21.000 But I remember Patty Jenkins, my old girlfriend, the director, said, Brian, I made a speech or something at a wedding or something, and I was funny. 0.90

00:38:32.000 She said, I got three words for you, dude.

00:38:34.000 Stand up comedy.

00:38:35.000 You're not gonna walk into a room and there's this guy like, whoa, that guy's really unique.

00:38:39.000 He's 5 foot 11, 165 pounds with brown eyes and brown hair.

00:38:43.000 You know, you're not gonna go in there looking like something.

00:38:46.000 She said, but you're funny.

00:38:48.000 And she got me to start doing it.

00:38:50.000 And I was like, I can't do this, but I went home and wrote a monologue on what it's like to be reborn a penguin, a legless, flightless bird in the middle of the South Pole.

00:38:57.000 And I was like, that's kind of a funny idea, concept, but I don't know.

00:39:00.000 And I wrote it and then I came up to my friends that night and I said, Hey, I heard this comic doing these jokes and I pretended it was somebody else and they laughed.

00:39:09.000 And that's slowly how I built the set.

00:39:11.000 That's funny, man.

00:39:12.000 That's a good way of doing it.

00:39:13.000 And that's so like your personality to do that.

00:39:16.000 Yes.

00:39:16.000 You're not really a self-congratulatory guy.

00:39:19.000 I'm terrible at it.

00:39:19.000 So that's what you would do.

00:39:21.000 You would congratulate someone else, make a pretend character.

00:39:25.000 I did.

00:39:25.000 Oh, my friend is so funny.

00:39:26.000 He says these things.

00:39:27.000 My friend is so funny.

00:39:28.000 And I do it and I laugh so hard.

00:39:29.000 And I was like, I think I'm onto something.

00:39:31.000 That's a very clever way to begin stand-up comedy.

00:39:34.000 Sure.

00:39:34.000 Like to practice on people.

00:39:36.000 Of course.

00:39:37.000 I would do that all the time.

00:39:38.000 I'd go, do you hear this comic?

00:39:39.000 That guy with the...

00:39:39.000 I don't know what he looks like.

00:39:40.000 He had red hair, and I would do the joke. 0.59

00:39:41.000 This was all before I met you.

00:39:43.000 Yes.

00:39:43.000 Yeah.

00:39:44.000 When I met you, you were doing comedy a little bit, but you had gotten into the door.

00:39:49.000 And I don't blame anybody for this, but there's an attitude that exists, or at least it used to, when you got a series or got some sort of a sitcom.

00:40:00.000 You could stop.

00:40:00.000 Well, you could stop doing your stand-up.

00:40:02.000 I actually had...

00:40:04.000 A good friend and a guy I respect very much say that to me, who's a producer.

00:40:08.000 And I was like, what are you talking about?

00:40:12.000 I'm just doing this for money. 1.00

00:40:13.000 Are you crazy? 0.99

00:40:15.000 That's right. 0.97

00:40:15.000 Stand-up is the greatest thing in the world. 0.97

00:40:16.000 You don't know because you've never done it. 1.00

00:40:18.000 And even if you do it and you suck at it, if there's a possibility that you can get good enough to be good at it, stick with that shit. 1.00

00:40:25.000 Stick with that shit. 1.00

00:40:27.000 It's so much fun. 1.00

00:40:28.000 It's way better than acting.

00:40:29.000 It's also a constant challenge.

00:40:30.000 If you're a rock star, you can sing the same song for 30 years.

00:40:33.000 The Stones can still sing Start Me Up and Everybody Cheers. 1.00

00:40:35.000 You fucking stand up. 1.00

00:40:36.000 You've got to reinvent yourself. 1.00

00:40:37.000 When they come to see you, they want to see a new bag of tricks, bro.

00:40:40.000 They're not there to see or do your greatest hits.

00:40:44.000 Yeah, I put out my special whenever it was a couple months ago.

00:40:46.000 I'm not doing a single bit from that.

00:40:49.000 That's it.

00:40:49.000 It's all done.

00:40:50.000 That shit's dead and buried. 1.00

00:40:51.000 That's what all my stuff is doing. 1.00

00:40:52.000 It's fun to do though, man, because I've been inspired by quite a few guys that do that on a regular basis.

00:40:59.000 Bill Burr does that on a regular basis.

00:41:02.000 Louis C.K. does that on a regular basis.

00:41:04.000 And I think he got a lot of people thinking that way. 1.00

00:41:06.000 Just throw your shit out. 0.99

00:41:08.000 And it's totally right, because what you really want to see is a lot of different material from comedians. 1.00

00:41:15.000 It also keeps you in a really active state of mind.

00:41:18.000 I've really learned how to write anywhere, no matter what, and I'm always thinking of new stuff.

00:41:22.000 Yeah, it's like we decide how hard we can push ourselves.

00:41:25.000 Like, oh god, a new hour a year, I couldn't do it.

00:41:27.000 Yeah, you probably could.

00:41:28.000 You probably could, dude. 1.00

00:41:29.000 Just fucking go to work. 0.99

00:41:31.000 And then when you do do it, like when you are coming up with new stuff, it's so exciting. 1.00

00:41:36.000 The shows have a different energy to them because you're still laughing at the shit, too. 0.98

00:41:41.000 It's still hitting you. 0.99

00:41:42.000 And I don't know how you are when you're creating material, but when I'm creating material, I don't even know where the fuck it's coming from. 0.84

00:41:49.000 I never feel like it's mine. 0.74

00:41:50.000 I never do.

00:41:51.000 That's that beautiful notion that you're a channel for something that already exists.

00:41:55.000 Well, I think it's because the only way to truly use your creativity correctly is to take your sense of you out of the equation.

00:42:02.000 So it's not really that you're tapping into a muse, per se, as to take you out of the equation allows all the creativity to sort of appear and unfold.

00:42:13.000 It's you, this idea of you.

00:42:15.000 Ego is such an overwhelmingly constricting mindset.

00:42:21.000 Let me piggyback on that before you go on.

00:42:24.000 I love this.

00:42:25.000 I love what you're saying.

00:42:26.000 And when you say ego, a lot of that – and for young people, let me get specific and I think a lot of it is we all define ourselves on very strong lines.

00:42:36.000 Men, especially in this society, are told to define yourself along strong lines.

00:42:40.000 Lines.

00:42:41.000 You know, I'm a fighter.

00:42:42.000 I'm a tough guy.

00:42:43.000 You can't push me.

00:42:43.000 Whatever it might be.

00:42:44.000 I'm a musician.

00:42:45.000 That comes with a lot of baggage.

00:42:47.000 And I think that one of the nice things about learning how to create is to loosen those lines a little bit.

00:42:53.000 Don't try to define yourself.

00:42:54.000 You don't have to be right.

00:42:55.000 Don't pigeonhole yourself into, I'm a tough guy or I'm this guy.

00:42:59.000 No, not when you're creating.

00:43:00.000 And it goes back to what you said.

00:43:02.000 Take yourself out of the equation.

00:43:04.000 Well, people try to define themselves because they're insecure.

00:43:07.000 That's how when I was a young man and I was insecure, that's when I tried to define myself.

00:43:12.000 I tried to pretend to be somebody.

00:43:15.000 As much as I wanted to be a complete individual, I certainly wasn't good at it. 1.00

00:43:46.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

00:43:48.000 I'm gay. 1.00

00:43:48.000 I mean, no, I'm straight. 1.00

00:43:50.000 When I talk about Brendan, I get very gay.

00:43:52.000 No, but I'm looking at how big and strong these guys are.

00:43:54.000 I thought to myself, there's always somebody stronger.

00:43:56.000 There's always somebody stronger than those guys.

00:43:58.000 And by the way...

00:43:59.000 No, that's not true.

00:43:59.000 There's going to be one strongest guy.

00:44:01.000 There's got to be.

00:44:03.000 There's always got to be someone stronger.

00:44:05.000 But that kind of brings me to my point, which is the idea that there's not a real difference in some ways between me and Schaub or somebody who's really big in the sense that, yes, they're stronger, but we're all compared to somebody else.

00:44:19.000 We're all kind of like, depending on what context you're standing in, I'm stronger than this guy over here.

00:44:25.000 He's stronger than me. 1.00

00:44:26.000 Do you really think about this shit? 1.00

00:44:27.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:28.000 Why?

00:44:28.000 Well, I was just thinking about how we try to kind of aim for certain things.

00:44:34.000 Yeah, but you're 45. No, I'm not talking about that.

00:44:37.000 You're 46. I'm using it as an example. 0.96

00:44:38.000 I'm just using it as an example of anything you do.

00:44:40.000 Like if you're a musician and you want to play like that guy, I'm just saying that the only thing that matters is that is a false way of going about things.

00:44:49.000 Uh-huh.

00:44:49.000 All you can do is control your own expression and who you are.

00:44:52.000 That's all you can do is go...

00:44:53.000 There is no...

00:44:54.000 The idea of comparing to something bigger is an illusion almost.

00:44:59.000 The only thing you can do is try to not dilute who you are.

00:45:05.000 You want to keep it as...

00:45:06.000 It's so hard to say.

00:45:07.000 Saying that and doing that, it's like, what is he saying?

00:45:09.000 What does he mean?

00:45:12.000 You got to know that... 1.00

00:45:14.000 Your ego will fuck you up, man. 1.00

00:45:16.000 Your ego, even though you feel like it's a part of you and you feel like it's good to have it protect you so you'll bullshit yourself about things, it's super important to know when you fuck up and not be in denial. 1.00

00:45:28.000 Because when you're in denial, it sets you back. 0.98

00:45:31.000 Because no one's perfect.

00:45:32.000 I'm not perfect.

00:45:33.000 You're not perfect.

00:45:34.000 There's not a single perfect human being. 0.99

00:45:35.000 The idea is ridiculous. 0.81

00:45:37.000 Because it's like you're a different person depending on when I catch you. 0.76

00:45:41.000 You're a different person depending on what time of the day and what happened to you recently or what bad thing has gone down in your life.

00:45:50.000 You're a different person every minute of every day, 365 days a year sometimes.

00:45:55.000 You're like a river in a way.

00:45:56.000 Trying to say, this is who I am.

00:45:58.000 I'm a tough guy or I'm this.

00:46:00.000 You gotta just learn from mistakes always, of course.

00:46:03.000 Have the ethic of, you know, just trying to be a good person.

00:46:06.000 Just trying to be nice.

00:46:07.000 Yeah, but let me ask you this.

00:46:08.000 Like, you were saying, and I was thinking about this the other day.

00:46:12.000 You know, nobody's perfect.

00:46:14.000 You can try to strive for perfection.

00:46:16.000 It's kind of a good thing.

00:46:17.000 You don't ever reach it.

00:46:18.000 But the idea is you can imagine what perfection is in a way.

00:46:20.000 Like, you ever feel that way?

00:46:21.000 You ever feel like you're doing this thing, which is stand-up, and you keep putting out stuff.

00:46:27.000 In your mind's eye, you have a notion of what What the perfect...

00:46:32.000 I don't.

00:46:33.000 I think that's all a waste.

00:46:34.000 This is what I do, or what I try to do. 0.99

00:46:38.000 I just try to keep writing funny shit. 0.99

00:46:41.000 Write it, make it funny, put it together, and just do it. 0.99

00:46:44.000 For the sake of the doing of it.

00:46:45.000 I explained this to Ari once, but it's applicable to me too.

00:46:49.000 Ari and I were talking about Comedy and like what's going on now that he has like real fans and this new obligation.

00:46:57.000 And I said, you know, if I go, I'm an Ari Shafir fan.

00:47:01.000 I go, I think you're really hilarious.

00:47:03.000 So if I was, you know, take me out of the context of being a professional stand up comedian, if I was a guy just doing something else.

00:47:10.000 And I found out about Ari, I'd be like, oh, this guy's funny.

00:47:15.000 I would want to buy his CD. I would want to buy his DVD. I would become an Ari Shafir fan.

00:47:20.000 I go, but once that happens, you're the only guy who can give me Ari Shafir. 0.80

00:47:26.000 You're the only guy who can produce that material.

00:47:29.000 Like, you have this weird obligation.

00:47:31.000 And if you do something like this, comics that were really big at one point in time and they sort of stopped delivering comedy, they stopped making new specials, and people sort of gave up on them because they don't really talk about them that much anymore because they're not getting material from them on a regular basis.

00:47:49.000 So you're the only Brian Callen.

00:47:53.000 You're the only guy who can reach Brian Callen fans.

00:47:56.000 So I just try to... 1.00

00:47:59.000 I know that people think that the ridiculous shit that I do is funny, and I know how to do the ridiculous shit I do. 1.00

00:48:05.000 So I just keep doing it. 1.00

00:48:06.000 That's my thinking.

00:48:07.000 Yeah, I guess the idea of perfection is really a static notion, and you're never static.

00:48:12.000 You're always a verb.

00:48:13.000 Always trying to update the bits.

00:48:17.000 It's a little bit different in every show.

00:48:19.000 There's always something new.

00:48:20.000 I'm adding.

00:48:21.000 I'm taking away.

00:48:22.000 I'm approaching it.

00:48:23.000 I'm trying to find out how to do it the right way. 0.97

00:48:27.000 And I'll learn along the way through trial and error and from my own feelings of being too verbose or too clunky or whatever the fuck it is. 0.88

00:48:36.000 So in that way, in doing it like that, like, You're never in the equation. 0.73

00:48:40.000 The equation is always the impact of the material.

00:48:44.000 What is the best way I can do to make this funny?

00:48:46.000 If I'm experiencing this myself, what is the best way to do it?

00:48:52.000 So you sort of become a passenger.

00:48:56.000 It's like you're the one who has to sort of orchestrate it.

00:48:59.000 You know, the concept of the muse, I hate when I say you know that many times.

00:49:02.000 The concept of the muse, that's a faker's um. 0.99

00:49:06.000 You know, I really should be like, um, um.

00:49:08.000 I'm like, you know, no, you don't know anything. 0.99

00:49:10.000 You don't know what the fuck you're even talking about right now. 0.98

00:49:12.000 But I feel like it's, um... 0.99

00:49:15.000 The more you can take yourself out of it, the more you can say, I just want to be the best I can be, I want to be perfect, I want to be... 0.97

00:49:21.000 All that I shit is like, that guy's not doing any comedy. 0.98

00:49:25.000 That's right. 1.00

00:49:25.000 That one who needs all that, that's an annoying, that ego thing, that's a creepy part of you that you don't want to feed. 1.00

00:49:32.000 You want that to shrivel up.

00:49:34.000 You want that to shrivel up.

00:49:36.000 It's really interesting.

00:49:37.000 You're saying something really interesting because I remember Lawrence Olivier was a famous actor and he'd done this production of, you know, King Othello or something like that.

00:49:46.000 And he was amazing and everybody came back and said, it was the most incredible performance and he was in a really dark mood.

00:49:51.000 And I said, but what's the matter?

00:49:52.000 He goes, that was the greatest performance we've anybody's ever seen.

00:49:56.000 And he said, I know.

00:49:57.000 I just have no idea how to repeat it.

00:49:59.000 And his thinking was wrong in a sense there.

00:50:02.000 You just got to go zen.

00:50:04.000 You got to go zen.

00:50:05.000 You got to go zen and understand that if you can do that, that means you could do that. 0.96

00:50:09.000 That doesn't mean you're going to do it every night.

00:50:11.000 I mean, there's going to be nights. 1.00

00:50:12.000 There's times when I'm talking on this podcast where every third or fourth fucking word is my fat stupid tongue is hitting my teeth wrong. 1.00

00:50:21.000 Excuse me. 1.00

00:50:21.000 It's called marijuana. 1.00

00:50:22.000 Thank you.

00:50:23.000 It's not even that!

00:50:24.000 It's not that.

00:50:26.000 I'm a pretty good yapper.

00:50:27.000 What I'm trying to say is there's ebbs and flows to things.

00:50:31.000 There's never a perfect, absolute, sustainable rhythm for anything.

00:50:35.000 So if Laurence of Olivier can crush it like that, what that means is that he can crush it like that.

00:50:40.000 It doesn't mean he's going to crush it like that every night, but he crushed it like that live.

00:50:43.000 And it's live.

00:50:44.000 When things are live, it's a different experience.

00:50:47.000 Do you remember in the Book of Five Rings when Miyamoto Masashi says, practice something enough so that the thing of itself reveals itself?

00:50:53.000 The spirit of the thing reveals itself?

00:50:55.000 What do you think he meant by that?

00:50:56.000 Well, because the same thing he meant that if you know the way broadly...

00:51:05.000 You can see it in all things.

00:51:07.000 It's the same thing.

00:51:09.000 It's like the way is the spirit of a thing is really excellence, whether it's bowling or golf or archery.

00:51:18.000 The spirit of a thing is excellence.

00:51:20.000 The spirit of a thing is finding how to control the body and to get it all online where you run up and do that perfect three-point Foul shot.

00:51:33.000 Did you ever see that video of that autistic kid that never played basketball before and they threw him in on the last game?

00:51:41.000 Brian, find this on my Twitter. 1.00

00:51:42.000 This is incredible shit, man. 1.00

00:51:45.000 Incredible, incredible shit. 1.00

00:51:46.000 This kid, it's kind of unrelated, but this kid is a high-functioning autistic, and they put him in on this basketball game. 0.99

00:51:55.000 And he's, like, you could tell the kid's, like, loved by all these teammates.

00:52:01.000 And when they take this kid, and they finally let him play in the game, it's like one of their last games, the kid gets up.

00:52:08.000 The place goes nuts.

00:52:09.000 They love him.

00:52:09.000 They're cheering for him.

00:52:10.000 He throws his first ball and he misses by like six feet.

00:52:14.000 And they're like, oh Jesus Christ.

00:52:16.000 And then he can't miss. 0.98

00:52:19.000 He's nailing three-pointers from the outside and the crowd is going fucking crazy. 0.94

00:52:24.000 This kid misses one shot and then gets in this insane groove of over and over and over again slamming three-pointers. 0.88

00:52:33.000 He won like...

00:52:34.000 The school record.

00:52:36.000 See, he misses.

00:52:38.000 That's...

00:52:38.000 That's not it.

00:52:40.000 There's a...

00:52:41.000 Yeah, that's one of them.

00:52:42.000 Yeah.

00:52:45.000 But J-Mac wasn't done.

00:52:46.000 He kept shooting and kept hitting.

00:52:49.000 Another three.

00:52:50.000 Oh, did you start this, like, inside of it a little bit?

00:52:52.000 Okay.

00:52:53.000 Yeah, the beginning, they show the first basket, which he misses, by, like, six feet.

00:52:58.000 And then...

00:52:59.000 Look at all these kids.

00:52:59.000 Oh, they went crazy.

00:53:00.000 Look at them run on the field.

00:53:01.000 Grab them, and they're picking them up and carrying them around.

00:53:04.000 Imagine how good that kid must have fallen.

00:53:06.000 As an athletic director, if I retired today, this would be the one thing that I talked about forever.

00:53:12.000 Wow.

00:53:13.000 Dude, are you kidding me?

00:53:14.000 Isn't that amazing?

00:53:15.000 That's another word for excellence, I think, as you speak about it, is harmony.

00:53:19.000 Everything moving in the way it's supposed to.

00:53:22.000 That's what it sounded like you were talking about.

00:53:23.000 That's kind of like harmonizing with a frequency, man.

00:53:28.000 Like getting into something and a pattern and where everything is firing the way it should.

00:53:33.000 Yeah, and understanding what it really is.

00:53:37.000 In Musashi talking about, it's totally applicable to stand-up comedy.

00:53:41.000 Because in talking about, the more time you practice it, and the more you observe it, and the more you understand it, the more what it is reveals itself to you.

00:53:49.000 And then you know how to operate and try to achieve excellence within it, whatever it is.

00:53:56.000 You're almost riding it.

00:53:58.000 It's doing the Yeah, that's why I think that activities are really important for people.

00:54:03.000 There's a lot of people that unfortunately don't engage in activity.

00:54:06.000 They don't engage and they don't have hobbies.

00:54:09.000 Yeah, anything like that.

00:54:11.000 Learn a language.

00:54:12.000 Do something.

00:54:13.000 Do something that's exciting.

00:54:15.000 You learn the art of learning.

00:54:15.000 You know, the problem with our education system, Gore Vidal was saying this, was that we don't have an education system that teaches you how to think.

00:54:23.000 Right.

00:54:23.000 We don't.

00:54:24.000 That's so true.

00:54:25.000 And that's...

00:54:26.000 There is an art to learning, man.

00:54:28.000 There's an art to learning.

00:54:29.000 There's an art to...

00:54:30.000 It's an art to being a human being.

00:54:32.000 That's right.

00:54:32.000 It really is.

00:54:33.000 And no one teaches us. 0.96

00:54:34.000 We don't know what the fuck we're doing. 1.00

00:54:35.000 We're all idiots raising other people with the same flaws that we were raised with. 1.00

00:54:40.000 There's no manual for it. 1.00

00:54:41.000 Exactly.

00:54:42.000 And there's...

00:54:43.000 When you look at what we consider our...

00:54:47.000 Our source of education as far as, like, what is distributed to us nightly?

00:54:52.000 What's the news, right?

00:54:53.000 I mean, that's really the education that people have today.

00:54:56.000 Once you get out of school, unless you're reading books on your own, where are you getting your information about the world? 0.99

00:55:01.000 You're getting it from the fucking news. 0.96

00:55:03.000 Well, the news doesn't really represent what's A, going on in the world, and B, it doesn't say anything about how you should be dealing with this. 0.99

00:55:10.000 How you should be thinking, how we should resolve these issues. 0.96

00:55:14.000 It's like this tattletale that just goes running over and tells us about all the fucked up shit that's happening in the world, but it's not a dialogue with a person. 0.99

00:55:23.000 It's like a source of information. 0.99

00:55:25.000 By the way, that complaint...

00:55:26.000 It goes back at least 3,500 years.

00:55:29.000 Socrates, when he was in his trial, said, you wouldn't take a horse to try to ride it and not train it.

00:55:36.000 The same applies to a human being.

00:55:39.000 You've got to start with the notion of he was trying to teach philosophy in the sense that you better know what questions to ask throughout your life.

00:55:47.000 And we should start with young people, educate young people the right way with the right questions.

00:55:52.000 If you don't do that, then you've got to start with a base almost.

00:55:58.000 We don't.

00:55:59.000 We don't do that, man.

00:56:00.000 It's almost like learning jiu-jitsu just learning moves without learning the principles behind it first.

00:56:04.000 Yeah, well, it's also like learning jiu-jitsu without going over the real correct drills.

00:56:10.000 Learning real live applications and the way school is set up.

00:56:18.000 The way school is set up, they have X amount of thousand kids and they have to get these kids through with a basic understanding of the building blocks of our world.

00:56:27.000 They have to understand math.

00:56:29.000 They have to understand how to structure a sentence.

00:56:31.000 They have to understand how to form paragraphs.

00:56:35.000 They've got to know what happened in the past, and then you're off on your own. 1.00

00:56:39.000 Good luck, fucker. 1.00

00:56:39.000 Next stop, college. 1.00

00:56:41.000 You talk about taking yourself out of the equation.

00:56:42.000 That's an Asian thing more than a Western thing, certainly more than American.

00:56:46.000 They had Chinese people look at a fish tank, and then they had Americans look at a fish tank. 0.67

00:56:51.000 The Americans described the fish.

00:56:53.000 The Chinese described how the relationship between the rocks, the seaweed, the fish, the boat in there, and everything.

00:57:00.000 They were looking at the entire picture.

00:57:05.000 My buddy was a paramedic in Vietnam for two tours.

00:57:11.000 One of the things he found was that the Viet Cong, when they would get injured, they wouldn't go into shock. 0.99

00:57:16.000 You could interrogate them.

00:57:18.000 They wouldn't go into shock.

00:57:19.000 The Americans would get hit and a lot of times they'd go into shock.

00:57:22.000 It's very dangerous when you go into shock, which is actually, you know what shock is?

00:57:25.000 The panic, the lockup, adrenaline flush, overload.

00:57:28.000 Yeah, but your body will take all the blood from your extremities and go right to where the wound is, like sort of like the core area and your body can shut down.

00:57:34.000 It's very dangerous.

00:57:35.000 And that is from panic.

00:57:37.000 That's right.

00:57:37.000 That's from your heart races instead of slowing down.

00:57:40.000 And so, why? 0.99

00:57:42.000 Well, one of the things was that when an American would get shot, you'd go, holy shit, I've been shot, and you focus on that wound. 0.98

00:57:49.000 When a Viet Cong would get shot, they were taught that the whole culture wasn't about you. 0.99

00:57:54.000 You were a leaf on a very big tree.

00:57:55.000 Put your attention out there.

00:57:57.000 And that was kind of one of the things he took back from Vietnam, because somebody said to him, you know, you've been teaching this acting class from 7 to 12 for five years.

00:58:04.000 I've never seen you yawn once, not once.

00:58:06.000 And he says, I don't think about myself.

00:58:10.000 I'm never part of this equation, man.

00:58:11.000 I learned a long time ago, even if I'm tired, it's just a form of energy.

00:58:14.000 And I spent a lot of time, if I start worrying about being tired, I'll get tired.

00:58:18.000 He was 55 and he just was very good at taking himself completely out of the equation.

00:58:23.000 Yeah, I think that you can definitely trip yourself up with some bad behavior patterns as far as your feeling and your health and the The negativity that you see in the environment all over the place.

00:58:34.000 I mean, we've all been around that one person that just complains about everything.

00:58:37.000 Like, oh, great.

00:58:38.000 Look at the hotel we're staying at. 1.00

00:58:40.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:58:41.000 Look at this fucking place. 1.00

00:58:42.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

00:58:43.000 Great, great.

00:58:44.000 This place hasn't been updated since the 70s. 0.99

00:58:46.000 Like, will you shut the fuck up, man? 0.97

00:58:47.000 There's a guy who, I don't want to speak out of turn, I don't know his name, but he's a writer, tried to kill himself, and he was listening to birds. 0.99

00:58:55.000 And his girl was there and she was talking to him and she said, listen to the birds.

00:58:59.000 He goes, what do you hear?

00:59:00.000 He said, I don't like listening to birds.

00:59:02.000 She said, why?

00:59:02.000 She goes, they're so beautiful.

00:59:04.000 He says, you hear beauty, I hear a bunch of animals trying to fight for territory and scratch out and yelling at each other.

00:59:09.000 And she went, hey, dude, don't ruin birds for me, man. 0.99

00:59:13.000 You may be smart as fuck, but I don't want to be your kind of smart, you know? 0.99

00:59:16.000 And it really is a question of what you choose to look at, what you choose to hear. 1.00

00:59:20.000 Well, how emotionally invested you choose to be and whether these birds fight to the death.

00:59:24.000 It's also your belief system, right?

00:59:25.000 Yeah.

00:59:26.000 You know what I mean?

00:59:26.000 You can change your belief system in some ways.

00:59:29.000 Well, it's choosing whether or not you're going to be affected by all this information.

00:59:40.000 A lesson in how to think and how to operate the mind.

00:59:44.000 If the human mind, if the human body was just the human experience, if that was an An instrument that you had to learn to use.

00:59:54.000 Think about navigating the human life with the human body and language and think about if you came from somewhere else and the human body wasn't and the human experience wasn't just a person living a life but rather was a ride.

01:00:11.000 That you had to figure out how to master, how to accomplish, and that the human animal with its creative abilities, with its abilities to reach out to people, with its ability to build buildings and use electricity and all these different things, that's a vehicle.

01:00:27.000 That's what that is.

01:00:28.000 Learn it.

01:00:28.000 Learn how to use that vehicle.

01:00:30.000 You would have intensive study For years and years and years of just trying to figure out how to go about the correct way of doing this.

01:00:40.000 It would be like, you know, you'd have to figure out what is the best way to think?

01:00:44.000 What is the best way, most beneficial way to you to approach every project as a person moving around in this human world with this human machine?

01:00:53.000 It would be like a super complicated thing. 0.99

01:00:55.000 But instead, it's just two people fucking... 1.00

01:00:59.000 Some guy shoots a load in the girl. 1.00

01:01:01.000 She swells up.

01:01:02.000 A person comes out. 0.99

01:01:04.000 No one knows shit. 0.97

01:01:06.000 Thank you. 0.98

01:01:07.000 So the three of them are standing there. 0.97

01:01:08.000 No one knows what the fuck is going on. 0.99

01:01:10.000 And they keep doing the same thing. 0.99

01:01:12.000 They keep interacting with each other.

01:01:13.000 The same thing.

01:01:14.000 The way the human...

01:01:17.000 The way the human being and the human body interacts with the world is so bizarre and complicated. 0.98

01:01:23.000 And to get it right and correct takes so much fucking thinking. 0.97

01:01:27.000 It's amazing. 0.98

01:01:29.000 We just let these things just go loose out into the world.

01:01:34.000 Which is why people are desperate and lonely and forsaken and forgotten.

01:01:40.000 Well, we're caught in this machine.

01:01:42.000 There's a real machine going on with society today, and that machine is the building of society, the increasing of bandwidth, the interconnectivity that's provided by technology.

01:01:55.000 It's all of that, and it's all of that With this exponentially increasing momentum behind it.

01:02:03.000 And we're all caught up in that.

01:02:04.000 And we're caught up in that.

01:02:06.000 And we have mortgages.

01:02:07.000 And we have bills.

01:02:08.000 And we have all these.

01:02:08.000 But what we're doing is we're feeding this system.

01:02:12.000 We're feeding this system of televisions and computers.

01:02:15.000 And cell phones.

01:02:16.000 And new clothes.

01:02:17.000 It's distracting.

01:02:19.000 It's so distracting.

01:02:21.000 You start unknowledgeable.

01:02:23.000 And the Greeks always said you go from knowledge, but you don't jump all the way to wisdom.

01:02:27.000 There's an in-between place, which is correct opinion.

01:02:29.000 Correct opinion comes from when you study as you're reaching for wisdom, you start to develop as the world crystallizes around you with the right teaching and stuff.

01:02:39.000 You start to learn what sort of the correct way to look and reach and follow and the correct opinion is.

01:02:46.000 And then you finally get to a point where you understand and can explain Why that is the correct opinion? 0.97

01:02:53.000 That takes a long fucking time.

01:02:54.000 That's life mastery in a way, but it's like what you're saying is it's it's it's we don't have a system and we try to with public education But we don't have a way or a system to really teach people how to live No, 0.98

01:03:10.000 no one knows what the fuck they're doing and we the the people that we were raised by they didn't know what the fuck they're doing either I mean my parents are very nice people and My mother is with my stepdad. 0.89

01:03:20.000 They've been together forever. 0.98

01:03:21.000 They're a very nice couple.

01:03:23.000 They're very nice people. 0.99

01:03:24.000 But they were raised by people who didn't know shit. 1.00

01:03:28.000 And their parents were raised by people who didn't know shit. 0.99

01:03:32.000 And this era that we're living in right now, it's like human beings are just starting to wake up and realize that we were all living in this weird sort of momentous world, this world that moves on momentum. 0.98

01:03:45.000 And momentum doesn't make any sense at all. 0.98

01:03:47.000 And we're all just waking up realizing that it was set up by people who didn't know what the fuck they were doing.

01:03:52.000 I mean, they knew how to build buildings, they knew how to use electricity, but no one knew how to teach society how to chill the fuck out, relax, and enjoy each other. 0.97

01:04:02.000 Not one fucking person, besides like Martin Luther King and a few people with some dreamy speeches, not one person emphasizes that in the role of government. 0.87

01:04:11.000 Not one person is pushing, like, Can't we figure out a way that human beings are just nicer to each other? 0.98

01:04:18.000 Can't we figure out a way where there's maybe a little bit less profit but also less pollution and less fucking with people and less control over the human populace?

01:04:31.000 Isn't that possible? 0.54

01:04:32.000 I would say though you're also dealing with the residue of most of human history.

01:04:38.000 Almost all of it has been not enough to eat and dying of Oh yeah, no, it's no doubt there's been a lot of things that led us to this point, but this is also the first point.

01:04:47.000 We have a responsibility. 0.97

01:04:49.000 As the human beings that have the first access to this sort of information, to not be looked at like a bunch of silly fucks by the people of the future. 0.98

01:04:57.000 Because that's a real problem. 0.98

01:04:59.000 Because if I look back, I'm living this life right now, just looking at all the silly nonsense that human beings are involved with. 0.97

01:05:06.000 I look on Twitter and everybody has these fucking equal signs on their Twitter avatar. 0.97

01:05:12.000 To let every one know that they're into marriage equality. 0.98

01:05:15.000 It's equality.

01:05:16.000 It's marriage equality.

01:05:17.000 You should be...

01:05:18.000 That's like saying, having that on your Twitter avatar, you might as well just say, water's wet.

01:05:25.000 Is hot hot?

01:05:26.000 Is cold cold?

01:05:27.000 Of course marriage equality makes sense.

01:05:29.000 The fact that you even have to...

01:05:31.000 Who are you talking to?

01:05:34.000 But seriously, in 2013, we should find out who doesn't have that on their avatar.

01:05:41.000 It should be that.

01:05:41.000 How about nobody use their face anymore?

01:05:44.000 And let's find out. 1.00

01:05:45.000 And the people who have a problem with it, who give a shit, whether or not a couple of lesbians want to marry each other, you're an asshole. 1.00

01:05:53.000 Like, you're an asshole. 1.00

01:05:55.000 And maybe nobody tells you you're an asshole. 1.00

01:05:57.000 But why do you give a fuck about them? 1.00

01:05:59.000 You worrying at all about what other people are doing sucks. 1.00

01:06:04.000 It sucks for everyone around you. 1.00

01:06:06.000 You fuck everything up. 1.00

01:06:08.000 You care that two people love each other and they want to sign some paperwork. 1.00

01:06:12.000 Why do you give a fuck? 1.00

01:06:13.000 Why do you give a fuck if she signs some paperwork that the other chick's going to be her ass-eating slave till the end of time? 1.00

01:06:18.000 And she'll have to be reincarnated as a future ass-eater. 1.00

01:06:21.000 And upon turning 18, we'll resume her practice. 0.99

01:06:24.000 Because this chick's going to be immortal. 1.00

01:06:26.000 Write that on paper! 1.00

01:06:28.000 What fucking difference does it make? 1.00

01:06:29.000 Why do you care? 1.00

01:06:30.000 If you care, you're an asshole. 1.00

01:06:33.000 You're just an asshole. 1.00

01:06:34.000 I never understood it. 1.00

01:06:35.000 I never understood that. 1.00

01:06:35.000 It's fucking dumb. 1.00

01:06:37.000 It's the desire to control other people and impose your mythology or your belief system on someone else. 1.00

01:06:42.000 It's some really uncreative fucks, too, who are not thinking about how ridiculous you're going to look in the future. 1.00

01:06:48.000 When they're looking back in the past, the way they looked at those idiots that thought that leeches were the best way to cure your broken leg... 1.00

01:06:56.000 Those fucking people, we laugh at them today. 1.00

01:06:58.000 And don't tell me about scientific applications of leeches, you fucks. 1.00

01:07:02.000 Because there's none. 0.99

01:07:03.000 I can just see you getting a bunch of those.

01:07:04.000 There's none.

01:07:05.000 You stop it.

01:07:06.000 People are like, you know, there are medical applications for leeches.

01:07:09.000 Like, people sent me that because I was making fun of leeches.

01:07:10.000 No, aren't they using them for gangrene?

01:07:11.000 Yeah, you can use them for stuff.

01:07:13.000 But guess what?

01:07:13.000 Medicine works better.

01:07:14.000 Yeah.

01:07:14.000 For almost everything.

01:07:16.000 Maggots.

01:07:16.000 Yeah, maggots.

01:07:17.000 But they do use leeches for something, too, like to coagulate blood or some shit. 0.98

01:07:20.000 Well, maggots will eat all the necrophied tissue, right? 0.99

01:07:23.000 They'll clean up.

01:07:24.000 Yeah, and they stop infections.

01:07:26.000 It's really kind of crazy.

01:07:27.000 It's good for you. 0.86

01:07:28.000 Then maggots eating your flesh is good for you.

01:07:30.000 They put a cast on you.

01:07:31.000 They throw a bunch of maggots down there.

01:07:32.000 Yeah, because they can't eat you. 0.99

01:07:34.000 They can only eat the stuff that's fucked up. 1.00

01:07:37.000 It's so crazy. 0.99

01:07:37.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:07:38.000 I mean, they're not really, like, good eaters.

01:07:39.000 No.

01:07:40.000 So, like, it pays to have them all mushed up in your wounds.

01:07:43.000 And they actually...

01:07:44.000 Apparently, they're good eating if you need to.

01:07:47.000 Well, they're a high source of protein, right?

01:07:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:48.000 You can keep that shit... 1.00

01:07:51.000 Isn't it interesting how we have these really clear views about what is and isn't good food or something that you should eat? 1.00

01:07:59.000 And crabs and spiders, could there be an animal that's closer to looking like each other?

01:08:06.000 Well, they're in the same family.

01:08:07.000 Yeah, they're in the same family.

01:08:08.000 Once I found out that lobsters were in the lice family, I couldn't eat lobsters anymore.

01:08:14.000 What do you mean they're in the lice family?

01:08:16.000 Have you ever seen those dudes in the jungle that cook up the tarantulas?

01:08:20.000 No.

01:08:21.000 You've never seen them?

01:08:22.000 No.

01:08:22.000 They look yummy!

01:08:23.000 It looks like a soft-shelled crab!

01:08:25.000 Really?

01:08:25.000 I bet you it is!

01:08:26.000 I bet they taste good.

01:08:27.000 They're all in the same family.

01:08:29.000 But we have this weird thing, right?

01:08:30.000 Like, when we're talking about maggots.

01:08:32.000 Like, if it wasn't maggots.

01:08:33.000 Look, what is hemp forest protein? 0.99

01:08:35.000 It's fucking ground-up plants. 0.99

01:08:37.000 Mushy ground-up plants. 1.00

01:08:38.000 Like, okay, you eat plants.

01:08:39.000 Got it.

01:08:40.000 Okay, what are maggots?

01:08:42.000 Maggots are just these little fleshy things.

01:08:44.000 Baby flies, right?

01:08:44.000 Okay, what do you eat?

01:08:46.000 Tell me what you do eat.

01:08:47.000 What are you cool with?

01:08:48.000 Are you cool with yogurt?

01:08:49.000 I ate the flesh off an animal.

01:08:51.000 You're cool with yogurt?

01:08:52.000 You know what that is? 1.00

01:08:53.000 You're eating like a fucking civilization. 1.00

01:08:55.000 You're eating a living organism. 1.00

01:08:57.000 You're eating acidophilus, a pure living organism.

01:09:00.000 All bacteria. 1.00

01:09:01.000 Yeah, what are you doing, stupid? 1.00

01:09:02.000 Do you know what you're doing? 1.00

01:09:02.000 But you're like, no, maggots are bad. 1.00

01:09:05.000 Maggots are your little buddies.

01:09:06.000 They're your little wound-cleaning buddies.

01:09:08.000 They're full of protein, and you're saying no to them.

01:09:11.000 But yet you're... 1.00

01:09:12.000 Just chugging down that fucking corn-fed beef. 1.00

01:09:17.000 These fatty, diseased cows. 1.00

01:09:20.000 Fat, sloppy, heart-pounding as they pump sludgy blood through fucking caked-up arteries. 1.00

01:09:29.000 Abscess livers living in their own shit. 1.00

01:09:31.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:09:32.000 Just the fucking amount of fat that you get. 0.99

01:09:34.000 But that's the only way you get a delicious ribeye. 0.99

01:09:36.000 The kind that you really...

01:09:37.000 Oh, you cook it over mesquite.

01:09:39.000 Just a little salt and pepper.

01:09:40.000 Don't get crazy.

01:09:41.000 All you need is a little salt and pepper.

01:09:44.000 The grass-fed beef, though, once you get used to that, to me, I feel so much better eating it.

01:09:50.000 Maybe it's psychological.

01:09:52.000 No, the oils, first of all, they're ruminants, so cows are supposed to eat grass.

01:09:55.000 They don't eat grains.

01:09:56.000 Well, they're definitely, you're eating a healthier animal, for sure.

01:09:59.000 It tastes more like game.

01:10:00.000 And also, the oils in the meat are very different when they eat grass versus when they eat corn.

01:10:05.000 The oils are?

01:10:05.000 Yes.

01:10:06.000 The fatty acids are, I believe, I can't remember what it is, but the fatty acids literally change from like omega-3 to omega-6 or something like that.

01:10:16.000 Wow.

01:10:16.000 So when you eat a bison or you eat grass-fed beef, the oils are healthier and a lot of heart doctors on Dr. Oz are prescribing grass-fed beef because it helps with inflammation.

01:10:31.000 It actually brings inflammation in the body down according to a lot of research.

01:10:36.000 That's really interesting because I talked to a woman who was a chiropractor.

01:10:40.000 We were talking about discs, you know, because I got a disc issue on my back.

01:10:43.000 And she said, besides this thing called the McKenzie Protocol, which is like a series of stretches that they use to elongate the spine, she said changing the diet is very important.

01:10:53.000 She recommended a bunch of different anti-inflammatories and cutting out all wheat.

01:11:01.000 Believe it or not, people who are eating gluten, more and more people are sort of understanding that what you're doing is just slowly poisoning yourself with that stuff, but you can handle it.

01:11:14.000 That's really what's going on.

01:11:16.000 When you cut it out, you're like, oh...

01:11:18.000 Whoa.

01:11:18.000 Yeah.

01:11:19.000 Hmm, why do I feel so good now?

01:11:20.000 Like, what's going on?

01:11:22.000 Like, that stuff's not good for you?

01:11:24.000 I stopped eating bread, also because it's got a high glycemic index.

01:11:28.000 It kind of like spikes your insulin.

01:11:29.000 So I eat brown rice and yams, and I just feel better when I do that.

01:11:33.000 I do that...

01:11:34.000 But yet, I'm not rigid.

01:11:36.000 I still will go to a nice Italian restaurant and have bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

01:11:42.000 You mean the way the Sicilians do and they live until 105?

01:11:45.000 Yeah.

01:11:47.000 I wonder how much bread they ate.

01:11:48.000 Do they eat a lot of bread?

01:11:49.000 Well, when you go there, you see the bread they eat.

01:11:51.000 It is healthy.

01:11:53.000 It's a meal in itself, dude.

01:11:55.000 You see the bread up and you go to Northern Italy.

01:11:57.000 I went to this place.

01:11:58.000 I walk into this bread place.

01:11:59.000 That bread is...

01:12:00.000 It doesn't look like bread.

01:12:01.000 It looks like a block of seeds and nuts. 1.00

01:12:06.000 You're like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:12:07.000 You could hit somebody in the head and they die. 1.00

01:12:10.000 My grandfather came over here during the Depression on a boat.

01:12:15.000 His family hopped in a boat from Italy and came over here.

01:12:18.000 That's a fun ride, by the way.

01:12:19.000 And they lived in this seriously Italian neighborhood in New Jersey.

01:12:24.000 And we used to, it was almost dead by the time I got older.

01:12:28.000 But when I lived with him for a bit when I first moved to New York, when I was like 23 I guess, 23 or 24, I lived with my grandfather for like a year.

01:12:36.000 And he would still go buy his bread from this place in New Jersey.

01:12:41.000 And there were some people that had been there from the 1950s.

01:12:44.000 They'd been selling bread in this one.

01:12:45.000 Probably even more.

01:12:46.000 I think it was actually the 30s.

01:12:47.000 They were there.

01:12:48.000 Real legit.

01:12:49.000 Authentic.

01:12:50.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:12:50.000 It was this old school bread place.

01:12:52.000 And they would go and get the bread every day.

01:12:54.000 And that's how the immigrants got by. 1.00

01:12:55.000 That shit is delicious, by the way. 1.00

01:12:57.000 It's like cake. 1.00

01:12:57.000 Yeah, everything was homemade tomato sauce. 1.00

01:12:59.000 My grandmother was always cooking things.

01:13:02.000 And it was always homemade.

01:13:03.000 Look, they grew their own tomatoes.

01:13:05.000 They turned them into tomato sauce.

01:13:06.000 They made their own pasta.

01:13:07.000 My grandmother would be rolling pasta.

01:13:09.000 Nothing came out of a can.

01:13:10.000 Screaming at my grandfather.

01:13:12.000 Get off me, Joe! 0.99

01:13:14.000 You leave me alone, Joe! 1.00

01:13:15.000 I'm tired of your bullshit! 1.00

01:13:16.000 I'm gonna tell you right now! 1.00

01:13:18.000 I'm gonna move in with my sister! 0.99

01:13:20.000 My grandparents were Sicilian, and it was the same thing.

01:13:25.000 Nothing came out of a can. 1.00

01:13:26.000 My grandfather was fucking a food purist. 0.99

01:13:28.000 Well, they didn't have money when they were kids, too. 0.99

01:13:30.000 It's like the idea of paying for something which costs more when you can grow in your backyard. 1.00

01:13:35.000 Like, what are you, stupid? 1.00

01:13:35.000 My grandfather would show up with a wheel of Parmesan. 1.00

01:13:37.000 A wheel.

01:13:39.000 We had a food pantry and it would sit in this big closet like food pantry like you could walk into it.

01:13:44.000 You know there's a real issue with cheese in this country and milk in that people want everything to be pasteurized and homogenized and that raw milk when it's from an excellent source It should be available to you just like raw eggs are available to you,

01:14:00.000 just like raw meat, and it should be clear and obvious as to whether or not you're eating bad food.

01:14:06.000 Like when you're eating a steak, okay, and if you buy a steak and the steak sits in your refrigerator for like five or six days, you don't get to it, it starts to get a little funky.

01:14:14.000 You know why? 0.98

01:14:15.000 That's because it's a fucking thing from an animal and it used to be alive. 1.00

01:14:19.000 It's decaying, and that shit's real. 1.00

01:14:21.000 And as soon as you stop that process, As soon as you step in, you're monkeying around with nature. 0.99

01:14:28.000 I know it's good and I know it's helped a lot of people get through some really dark times in this world where milk, because it was homogenized and pasteurized, they could keep it longer and it fed people.

01:14:40.000 But at a certain point in time, we have to realize that all that homogenization and pasteurization is not the healthy way to do it.

01:14:46.000 The healthy way to do it is to eat it fresh.

01:14:48.000 Like the healthy way to do anything.

01:14:51.000 And then it becomes this industry with taking this milk and changing it.

01:14:56.000 Through this process of homogenization and pasteurization.

01:15:00.000 Well, what happens to those people?

01:15:01.000 If you don't have to homogenize and pasteurize milk, then we're out of business.

01:15:04.000 Listen, Charlie, I've been giving you a lot of money all these years.

01:15:07.000 I supported you for governor in 84. I supported you again.

01:15:09.000 So we've got to make raw milk illegal now.

01:15:11.000 It's illegal for your own safety.

01:15:13.000 They arrest people for selling raw milk.

01:15:15.000 You can't get raw cheese. 0.98

01:15:16.000 Raw cheese is super fucking hard to get, man. 0.92

01:15:19.000 Because they want you to use homogenized and pasteurized milk. 0.99

01:15:22.000 Because if it's just some Joe Blow farmer who has no access to homogenization or pasteurization just starts selling his milk and people actually like it, well, the fucking world could end. 0.97

01:15:32.000 We've got a real problem. 0.92

01:15:33.000 And that's why the only thing we should all be talking about is campaign finance reform. 0.99

01:15:38.000 The idea that money in politics, as long as there's money in politics, you're going to have very powerful, wealthy interests controlling even what the fuck you eat. 0.92

01:15:49.000 Well, yeah, and I think it's not a bad option. 0.94

01:15:52.000 This is what I want to once say, because if you are in a low-income household and you're in a situation where when you buy a gallon of milk, like that gallon of milk needs to all be used.

01:16:03.000 And stay and keep, yeah, so you need pasteurized milk.

01:16:06.000 Right, and if it lasts for a week and a half with pasteurization, but it only lasts three days if it's raw, that fucks your family up.

01:16:14.000 I completely understand that.

01:16:15.000 So what we have to look at then, if you're looking at a holistic approach, is how do we eliminate that from civilized society?

01:16:23.000 How do we eliminate...

01:16:24.000 People that are working in such poverty that they're worried about their milk being bad if it goes three days.

01:16:31.000 Like milk, how much does milk cost?

01:16:32.000 Like what does milk, like four bucks or something like that?

01:16:34.000 It all depends.

01:16:34.000 For a lot of people, that's a deal breaker.

01:16:36.000 Like they're really trying to put it all together. 0.99

01:16:39.000 That's kind of fucked up. 0.98

01:16:40.000 That's kind of crazy that, you know, some guy could be working in a job all day, every day, and then they take taxes out of that. 0.99

01:16:49.000 And then when you look at it, he still doesn't have enough money to eat natural food.

01:16:53.000 That's where the food stamps program comes from. 0.84

01:16:55.000 That's all those things, all those answers.

01:16:57.000 But that's not the answer, right?

01:16:59.000 The answer is sort of a restructuring of how much your time is worth.

01:17:05.000 Figuring out also how to find some way.

01:17:10.000 The society we live in is really sort of like a really nutty game.

01:17:15.000 Finding your spot in that game and finding how to exact points from that game.

01:17:21.000 What you just said is finding your spots because as technology grows exponentially and our economy will start to change exponentially, you've got to figure out how to make yourself useful and traditional Labor and things is not going to be worth,

01:17:38.000 and already is this case, is not going to be worth what it was when a robot can do it and stuff.

01:17:43.000 So then where does a human being, where are you, what does your skill set have to be?

01:17:48.000 My guess is you're going to have to constantly be taking classes and constantly be changing and constantly be keeping up with an economy that is always moving forward.

01:17:58.000 At the speed of life.

01:18:00.000 It's moving very quickly.

01:18:02.000 The speed of life.

01:18:02.000 That's a funny thing to say.

01:18:03.000 The speed of life.

01:18:04.000 And that's really what it is.

01:18:06.000 The speed of life is constantly ever-changing.

01:18:08.000 And to think that somehow or another you're obligated to have a job.

01:18:12.000 I've been a cobbler.

01:18:13.000 My family were cobblers.

01:18:14.000 What's going on?

01:18:15.000 I can't make shoes anymore.

01:18:16.000 Change.

01:18:17.000 I can't.

01:18:18.000 Change.

01:18:18.000 Yeah.

01:18:18.000 Either that or make some shoes that are undeniably dope.

01:18:22.000 Everybody wants to go to your shoe store and buy your handmade shoes because they're so fucking badass.

01:18:27.000 But unless you attain that sort of perfection at your craft, you're not going to attract people.

01:18:32.000 You're going to have to find something that...

01:18:34.000 Imagine if you were really into owning a record store.

01:18:37.000 And you're like, man, look, everybody needs records, okay?

01:18:40.000 I'll tell you, man, record store is always going to be around.

01:18:41.000 It's a great investment.

01:18:43.000 I'm going to take my money.

01:18:43.000 I'm going to put it in records.

01:18:44.000 Economists always talk about this.

01:18:46.000 Economists always talk about how things become obsolete, and there's always got to be.

01:18:50.000 The capitalist economy is based on the notion that here's how they do it, and I'm going to come along and do it better for a premium.

01:18:57.000 I'll come up with a better way to do what you're doing, and that's the idea.

01:19:01.000 I've got a better car for you.

01:19:02.000 Your car's breaking down.

01:19:03.000 I've got a better car.

01:19:04.000 I'll fix that problem for you.

01:19:06.000 Sort of, but yeah, I mean, we are always constantly improving things, and that's one of the more fascinating things about the human condition to me.

01:19:12.000 You know, I love that.

01:19:13.000 I got this Apple Retina laptop thing.

01:19:16.000 Look how skinny, so tiny and light.

01:19:19.000 I love that.

01:19:19.000 I love...

01:19:20.000 And you don't need any more computers than that.

01:19:22.000 It's not like I can...

01:19:23.000 Oh, but you're so wrong.

01:19:23.000 I do.

01:19:24.000 If they come up with a new one, it's better and more awesome.

01:19:26.000 Well, yeah, yeah, but I'm just saying that, you know...

01:19:28.000 There's not a huge difference.

01:19:30.000 Once you get that, it's all you need.

01:19:32.000 It's very easy now to get everything you need as far as a visual experience or just access to information. 0.90

01:19:39.000 I think to try to deny or slow down the idea that we're going to continue to pump out newer, greater, crazier shit and that you're going to continue to want it lustfully. 0.96

01:19:49.000 It's ridiculous at this point. 1.00

01:19:52.000 It's fucking ridiculous. 1.00

01:19:53.000 It's a part of what humans are. 1.00

01:19:56.000 And your attraction to it is just like your attraction to tits. 1.00

01:19:59.000 It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, especially if you know you're never going to be able to touch them, but a girl with great tits can walk in the room and you just go, oh, look at those fucking things. 1.00

01:20:08.000 Changes the whole fucking equation. 1.00

01:20:09.000 What a good kid. 0.99

01:20:10.000 You just look at them, they're just round, and they move when she moves.

01:20:14.000 Every girl in the room is pissed because she's not wearing a bra. 1.00

01:20:17.000 Oh, that fucking bitch. 1.00

01:20:18.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:20:19.000 I can't believe she's not wearing a bra. 1.00

01:20:20.000 What a fucking whore. 1.00

01:20:21.000 Oh my god, I can't believe she's not wearing a bra. 1.00

01:20:23.000 She shows up in my fucking thing and she's not even wearing a bra. 1.00

01:20:26.000 This fucking pig. 1.00

01:20:27.000 She shows up. 1.00

01:20:28.000 Her tits are poking out. 1.00

01:20:29.000 She's a real pig. 1.00

01:20:29.000 She's trying to suck every dick in the room. 1.00

01:20:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:20:32.000 Otherwise known as my type. 1.00

01:20:35.000 I remember when I was with a bunch of girls, and I was like, I don't know, a long time ago, and this girl comes in, and she had eyeliner on, and she had, like, she'd drawn a line around her lips.

01:20:43.000 She had this, she was like really kind of, she had high heels, and all the girls were like, ew, look at how gross she is. 1.00

01:20:48.000 She's just so fucking trashy. 1.00

01:20:50.000 And I was like, that's what I call 1,000% this guy's type, you fucking, you fucking boring white chicks from Connecticut with your flat shoes and your shitty jeans. 1.00

01:21:03.000 Ha! 1.00

01:21:06.000 The East Coast holds those hot girls down. 1.00

01:21:08.000 Goddamn, does it ever? 1.00

01:21:09.000 They hold them down. 0.99

01:21:10.000 They ridicule them.

01:21:12.000 They think they're a bad part of society. 1.00

01:21:14.000 When women see girls dressing slutty or flirty, they fucking hate them. 1.00

01:21:19.000 That's like Boston Irish chicks. 1.00

01:21:20.000 Fuck that chick. 1.00

01:21:22.000 Nice heels, you fucking hooker. 1.00

01:21:24.000 Does your mother know you're out there sucking cock for nickels? 1.00

01:21:29.000 Exactly. 1.00

01:21:29.000 Hey, that's attractive, honey. 1.00

01:21:31.000 I think I'll date you and not the fucking Italian princess over there. 1.00

01:21:34.000 They'll hold her back. 1.00

01:21:35.000 Oh, God. 1.00

01:21:36.000 With her painted toes and her fucking skimpy skirt. 1.00

01:21:39.000 They hate. 1.00

01:21:41.000 Haters.

01:21:42.000 Oh, God.

01:21:43.000 It's sad.

01:21:44.000 There's a lot of haters out there, man.

01:21:46.000 And it's a sad thing that women can't express themselves the way they want to. 0.96

01:21:50.000 I might be that way, though.

01:21:51.000 Like, if I didn't have outlets, like...

01:21:53.000 What do you mean you might be like that?

01:21:54.000 No, no, no. 0.99

01:21:55.000 In other words, if you were just a dude and there was some guy who shows up, like, fucking Schaub shows up, like, with his shirt off, and the girls are all like, I want to have sex with that guy. 0.99

01:22:01.000 And even your wife is like, I love that guy. 1.00

01:22:03.000 Well, your wife's a cunt. 1.00

01:22:04.000 She keeps her mouth shut. 1.00

01:22:05.000 How about that? 1.00

01:22:06.000 That's bullshit. 1.00

01:22:07.000 When dudes bring their wife over to me sometimes and they'll say something like, you know, you're the one on the list. 1.00

01:22:15.000 Like, she's a lot of other sex people. 1.00

01:22:17.000 I'm like, what are you talking about, stupid? 1.00

01:22:19.000 Like, why are you accepting that from her? 1.00

01:22:21.000 You know, why would you let anybody...

01:22:23.000 And these guys are like, look... 1.00

01:22:24.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:22:25.000 If your wife says, oh, I think Brendan Schaub's hot. 1.00

01:22:29.000 She's an asshole. 1.00

01:22:30.000 Right, right. 1.00

01:22:30.000 Right? 1.00

01:22:30.000 If you're married to some chick and she does that. 1.00

01:22:32.000 Just like you're a douchebag if you make her feel like that. 0.99

01:22:35.000 Right, exactly. 0.99

01:22:36.000 If you do that on purpose, that's...

01:22:37.000 No, but I'm just saying...

01:22:39.000 That as a guy, you have outlets.

01:22:40.000 It doesn't matter.

01:22:40.000 A lot of guys are better looking at it.

01:22:41.000 I just go, yeah, I make you laugh, so fuck you. 1.00

01:22:43.000 And you like me anyway, because... 1.00

01:22:45.000 You have a reoccurring theme.

01:22:46.000 I do.

01:22:46.000 You have a reoccurring theme where you're accepting, you're like, look, I'm not the this, I'm not the that, I'm not the this, I'm not the that, but I'm the this.

01:22:54.000 You know, that's this reoccurring thing.

01:22:56.000 It is very self-defining, you know?

01:22:59.000 I've been writing a script about that.

01:23:01.000 Yeah?

01:23:01.000 Yeah, but a guy tries to become a man.

01:23:03.000 Let that shit go. 1.00

01:23:04.000 No way. 1.00

01:23:06.000 Who's going to star in it?

01:23:07.000 Paul Reiser?

01:23:07.000 Yes, he is.

01:23:09.000 Paul Reiser.

01:23:10.000 And Paul Reiser!

01:23:11.000 No disrespect to Paul Reiser.

01:23:13.000 I just, I loved him in Aliens.

01:23:14.000 Yeah.

01:23:15.000 That was his greatest movie ever.

01:23:17.000 I auditioned for Paul Reiser once.

01:23:18.000 He was really cool.

01:23:18.000 Did you ever see him in Aliens?

01:23:20.000 Yes.

01:23:21.000 It wasn't a funny role at all. 0.98

01:23:22.000 It was like a really creepy guy role and he fucking nailed it. 0.92

01:23:25.000 His acting was so believable, man. 0.96

01:23:28.000 He played a real creep, man, and he did an awesome job.

01:23:31.000 That's a great role.

01:23:34.000 I was amazed that he never did more serious roles because he was so good in that.

01:23:38.000 I mean, maybe he didn't enjoy it.

01:23:40.000 You know, I mean, he was in one of the greatest horror movies of all time.

01:23:44.000 I mean, why not just, like, cut your losses?

01:23:45.000 But he went and did, like, a lot of comedies.

01:23:48.000 But he was awesome.

01:23:49.000 He just made so much money on Mad About You, I think.

01:23:51.000 You make $50 million.

01:23:54.000 We had some cameramen that said that Helen Hunt was mean. 1.00

01:23:58.000 I've heard that.

01:24:00.000 People get sick.

01:24:02.000 She probably wanted to be in theater or perhaps film. 1.00

01:24:05.000 She won an Oscar.

01:24:07.000 I've actually had a couple conversations with her.

01:24:08.000 She's very cool.

01:24:09.000 You never know. 0.99

01:24:10.000 She didn't want to be on that shitty sitcom. 0.99

01:24:12.000 Yeah, that I understand. 0.99

01:24:14.000 After a while. 1.00

01:24:14.000 That shit is torture. 1.00

01:24:15.000 For the sixth year, you're like, oh fuck. 1.00

01:24:16.000 And I do not, I mean, I am absolutely not saying, oh poor them. 1.00

01:24:22.000 To you folks out there that go, hey, I'll take that fucking job in a heartbeat. 0.97

01:24:25.000 And I know you would, and you're right in saying that, and yes, it is a good job. 0.99

01:24:29.000 But there's something about doing a really bad show that is soul-stealing.

01:24:34.000 Oh my god.

01:24:34.000 It's weird.

01:24:35.000 Yeah.

01:24:36.000 I've only been involved in one bad sitcom ever.

01:24:40.000 I've done some pilots that were so bad that I was hiding in my dressing room.

01:24:43.000 See, I need good, funny people around me. 0.92

01:24:45.000 If I'm doing a TV show, I can be shitty. 0.96

01:24:47.000 If I like the people around me, I'll bear with it for a long time because the acting gets in the way and I'm just fucking around all day. 0.70

01:24:52.000 I didn't do many pilots.

01:24:54.000 I did like one...

01:24:56.000 One big pilot.

01:24:57.000 It was an interesting one for this thing called Overseas.

01:25:01.000 Oh yeah, I remember.

01:25:01.000 I tested for that.

01:25:03.000 I remember you got that.

01:25:04.000 Yeah.

01:25:05.000 I was on news radio and he was trying to find one guy to play this one new...

01:25:11.000 It's like a group of Peace Corps guys?

01:25:12.000 Yeah, it was like something along those lines.

01:25:14.000 It was funny actually.

01:25:15.000 I thought it was really funny.

01:25:16.000 You know, who knows why people do and don't do certain projects or some pilots go and other shows that are just terrible just stay on the air for a long period of time.

01:25:26.000 It doesn't make any sense, but the process is fucking hard.

01:25:29.000 It's not easy to do. 0.94

01:25:31.000 It's like creating a new show and figuring out the right way to do it and the right character and how much wacky neighbor do we need.

01:25:40.000 That's like a super complicated thing to do.

01:25:42.000 It's chemistry, right?

01:25:43.000 It's like all these moving parts have to work. 0.98

01:25:47.000 Alec Baldwin said one time, when a movie is successful, it's a fucking accident. 0.91

01:25:51.000 And the reason it's an accident is there are so many moving parts that any little thing can go wrong, including the weather, including some crazy who shoots up a movie theater, including whatever it might be. 0.89

01:26:01.000 And if everything isn't working perfectly, and he uses the Jim Carrey, the Ace Ventura thing.

01:26:08.000 He was doing The Getaway.

01:26:09.000 It was this huge movie.

01:26:11.000 Kim Basinger, him, the remake of the Steve McQueen thing is huge.

01:26:14.000 Biggest movie.

01:26:15.000 And along comes...

01:26:16.000 And they were going to be number one.

01:26:18.000 Always tracking that way.

01:26:19.000 And along comes this little movie called Ace Ventura Pet Detective. 0.99

01:26:23.000 And fucking just steals the whole show. 0.99

01:26:27.000 And he was saying, if a movie does really well, it's a fucking accident, man. 0.99

01:26:30.000 Everything's got to be... 0.99

01:26:31.000 It's a happy accident. 0.99

01:26:32.000 Well, Ace Ventura Pet Detective probably did great because they let Jim Carrey do whatever the fuck he wanted to do. 0.98

01:26:36.000 Because nobody saw that coming. 0.98

01:26:38.000 Nobody.

01:26:38.000 Nobody saw that coming.

01:26:39.000 They're like, look, we got Jim Carrey.

01:26:40.000 What are you going to do, Jim?

01:26:41.000 Good.

01:26:42.000 I got this character. 1.00

01:26:43.000 He does this fucking wacky, over-the-top shit, and everybody loves it. 1.00

01:26:47.000 I died. 1.00

01:26:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:26:49.000 So many people I saw critically at the time, they were just destroying that movie and talking about what a piece of shit it is. 1.00

01:26:56.000 I was dying. 1.00

01:26:56.000 I was howling. 1.00

01:26:57.000 But that idea that everybody needs to do the same kind of comedy is so stupid. 1.00

01:27:02.000 You can't appreciate a wacky... 0.99

01:27:04.000 I know that you like Louis Black, but can't you like a wacky guy too?

01:27:08.000 Why are you holding back?

01:27:10.000 Don't be a comedy snob, man.

01:27:11.000 Did you see Burt Wonderstone?

01:27:13.000 How did that movie do?

01:27:14.000 I don't know what that is.

01:27:15.000 I heard it was awful.

01:27:16.000 What is it?

01:27:17.000 It's a magic movie.

01:27:18.000 Jim Carrey and Steve Carell.

01:27:20.000 It's a new movie?

01:27:21.000 Didn't he get in trouble because he was making fun of Charlton Heston?

01:27:25.000 Yeah, I didn't see the video.

01:27:28.000 Do you want to watch it?

01:27:29.000 Let's pull it up.

01:27:30.000 Apparently he did some controversial video where he was mocking Charlton Heston, who was dead, and one of his famous expressions... 0.96

01:27:39.000 Keep your dirty hands off me! 1.00

01:27:41.000 No, no, no. 1.00

01:27:42.000 You're taking my rifle when you pry my cold, dead hands.

01:27:46.000 Yeah, well, apparently Jim Carrey...

01:27:48.000 Michael Moore took that out of context, too, apparently.

01:27:52.000 There's no out of context.

01:27:53.000 There's no out of context when you say, you'll take my rifle out of my cold dead hands.

01:27:58.000 It's impossible to take that out of context. 1.00

01:28:00.000 You only say that when either A, you're joking around, or B, you're fucking psycho. 1.00

01:28:05.000 There's one or two things, and I think that Charlton Heston was a fucking psycho. 1.00

01:28:09.000 There's a third thing. 0.99

01:28:10.000 He was just being dramatic. 1.00

01:28:11.000 Yeah, he's a psycho. 1.00

01:28:13.000 That guy liked guns, and yeah, you were going to have to kill him for it. 1.00

01:28:16.000 Do we have that video?

01:28:18.000 Is it the Funny or Die video?

01:28:20.000 I think it is, yeah, yeah.

01:28:21.000 Let's see this, because this is the first time seeing it.

01:28:25.000 It's Hee Haw.

01:28:29.000 Why did the ventriloquists quit drinking? 1.00

01:28:33.000 Because he was like a real dumb... 1.00

01:28:34.000 Don't worry, doesn't he? 0.99

01:28:42.000 Walter, it's an absolute pleasure to be here in the sight of Gad on Hee Haw.

01:28:54.000 But who would be laughing if it weren't for the Patriots who answer the call of freedom?

01:29:01.000 The aliens! 0.92

01:29:22.000 This is making me dumber just watching it. 0.93

01:29:26.000 It's on Funny or Die.

01:29:27.000 It's a five minute video, though.

01:29:28.000 Six minute video.

01:29:29.000 Are people really upset about this?

01:29:31.000 I don't know.

01:29:32.000 It's not that good.

01:29:34.000 It was on CNN. He's fake masturbating with a gun in his hand. 0.99

01:30:04.000 We're watching mental illness. 1.00

01:30:07.000 This is madness.

01:30:09.000 Did anybody put that together, watched it and went, I think it's good.

01:30:14.000 Let's let this out. 0.97

01:30:15.000 Man, is your allergies really fucking you up right now? 0.99

01:30:17.000 No. 0.98

01:30:18.000 No?

01:30:18.000 No.

01:30:18.000 Why?

01:30:19.000 Because it's like super extreme outside right now, like for indoor.

01:30:22.000 Allergy?

01:30:22.000 For dust and dander.

01:30:23.000 I don't have allergies.

01:30:25.000 Me neither.

01:30:25.000 I'm lucky.

01:30:26.000 Yeah, I'm lucky.

01:30:27.000 Yeah, except a gluten intolerance. 1.00

01:30:30.000 People get so stupid about it. 0.99

01:30:32.000 I don't think I've ever seen a thing, like watched a cartoon or something like that and been offended. 1.00

01:30:37.000 Like, what are you talking about?

01:30:38.000 Well, how can anybody be offended?

01:30:39.000 I'm offended that they stole three minutes of my time watching Jim Carrey do a guy that died 80 years ago.

01:30:45.000 My belief system isn't that shoddy that you're going to say something that's going to throw me into a loop, a tizzy!

01:30:50.000 Well, not only that, but because there's a reaction to that where you...

01:30:54.000 You – I mean he's obviously knowing that what he's doing is sort of controversial.

01:30:58.000 So in that – in like sort of accepting that, what he's doing and what he's making fun of is like so mild because it's like the fact that he's doing it at all is what's supposed to be controversial about it.

01:31:10.000 He's going to mock Charlton Heston.

01:31:12.000 So you've got like this artificial like energy that you think is attached to a bit.

01:31:17.000 But that's not attached to a bit for me.

01:31:19.000 Because it's not controversial to me.

01:31:21.000 It's not at all. 0.99

01:31:23.000 It's just kind of dumb. 0.95

01:31:24.000 Why are you even thinking about Charlton Heston? 0.98

01:31:26.000 You're talking about a dead guy who said something weird a long time ago.

01:31:29.000 If you really had something to say, it should be a lot funnier than that.

01:31:32.000 I agree. 0.98

01:31:33.000 That's silly. 0.97

01:31:34.000 Yeah, it's silly. 0.98

01:31:35.000 It's folly. 0.78

01:31:36.000 Yeah.

01:31:37.000 But you always wonder, like a guy like Jim Carrey, who starts off his career with that sort of Ace Ventura thing, or File Marshal Bill, remember that?

01:31:46.000 Yeah.

01:31:46.000 Completely over the top.

01:31:47.000 Hilarious shit. 1.00

01:31:48.000 Hilarious. 1.00

01:31:49.000 You can't do that when you're 60. No.

01:31:50.000 Okay? 1.00

01:31:51.000 Nobody wants to see Jerry Lewis with his fucking fake Japanese teeth when he's 60. No. 1.00

01:31:54.000 You didn't want to see that.

01:31:56.000 You don't mind it when he's 25 or 30. It's kind of silly and wacky. 0.97

01:32:01.000 But there's a transitionary period for those types of comedians where it gets weird. 0.99

01:32:06.000 Shit gets weird when they're hitting 40. Like Emo Phillips sort of dropped that thing. 0.98

01:32:12.000 He would do a thing like this where he would move all around the stage and talk kind of crazy.

01:32:19.000 I can't even.

01:32:19.000 I can't.

01:32:19.000 I've never got that.

01:32:20.000 It hurts my brain.

01:32:21.000 But he doesn't do it anymore.

01:32:23.000 He can't do it anymore.

01:32:23.000 Now he does stand-up.

01:32:25.000 So it's like you're in a trap.

01:32:29.000 You're looking at a beautiful flower and it ain't going to last.

01:32:33.000 That's right.

01:32:33.000 You better learn how to reinvent yourself right quick.

01:32:36.000 It's fucking hard. 0.99

01:32:36.000 Well, Bobcat Goldthwait eventually sort of reinvented himself. 0.99

01:32:40.000 I think he was held by that sort of screaming.

01:32:43.000 Yeah, he was.

01:32:44.000 Which is hilarious.

01:32:45.000 I mean, when you nail something as good as his character, it must be so hard to let go. 0.77

01:32:51.000 I mean, that character, that Bobcat Goldthwait character, I mean, he did so many of those fucking Police Academy movies. 0.53

01:32:56.000 He did comedy specials. 0.55

01:32:58.000 You ever listen to Meet Bob, his CD? He's fucking great. 0.99

01:33:02.000 He's really funny. 0.99

01:33:03.000 I know him.

01:33:03.000 I've worked with him twice.

01:33:05.000 He's a great guy.

01:33:06.000 He's a really smart dude who's really kind of understated and quiet, actually.

01:33:10.000 He's the exact opposite of that.

01:33:12.000 He had to abandon the Bobcat character. 0.98

01:33:15.000 Do you know who fucking makes me laugh? 0.99

01:33:17.000 Do you know who one of the funniest human beings on the fucking planet is? 1.00

01:33:20.000 Oh, God. 1.00

01:33:22.000 Who talks that?

01:33:23.000 Gilbert Gottfried.

01:33:24.000 Oh, he's very funny.

01:33:25.000 Oh, my God.

01:33:26.000 Just hanging out with that guy?

01:33:28.000 Oh, my God.

01:33:29.000 Well, he's a real, old-school, legit comic.

01:33:33.000 He's been around forever.

01:33:34.000 Gilbert's been legit forever. 1.00

01:33:36.000 And he'll still tweet ridiculous shit and get fired from campaigns and shit. 1.00

01:33:41.000 And it's just because that's who he is. 1.00

01:33:42.000 And he's awesome. 1.00

01:33:44.000 I celebrate that shit. 1.00

01:33:45.000 I think that the kind of guys who say really ridiculous, preposterous shit and offensive shit like a Gilbert Gottfried and do it on a regular basis, that's... 1.00

01:33:55.000 Why is it okay for you to have a movie where you're pretending that you're a bad guy shooting cops? 1.00

01:34:01.000 Why is that okay? 0.98

01:34:02.000 And it's not okay for Gilbert Gottfried to pretend to be some calloused crazy man who's making fun of AIDS? I called him up. 0.89

01:34:09.000 I called him up to do an AIDS for children with AIDS benefit that I do every year.

01:34:13.000 And I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't even send that to him. 1.00

01:34:16.000 The minute he heard it, he goes, fuck the kids with AIDS! Stop using drugs! 1.00

01:34:21.000 Fuck him! 1.00

01:34:22.000 And he just kept saying over and over again, I was fucking dying. 1.00

01:34:26.000 I'm telling you, he was a condom! 1.00

01:34:27.000 I'm not doing that!

01:34:29.000 He just wouldn't let me get a point.

01:34:31.000 Then he hung up on me.

01:34:31.000 I was like, all right, well.

01:34:32.000 He's legit.

01:34:33.000 He's the real deal, you know?

01:34:35.000 Hilarious.

01:34:35.000 He's a real comic.

01:34:36.000 He's so funny.

01:34:37.000 Do you know that feeling like, yeah, it's a real comic.

01:34:40.000 You know, we all have that thing, you know, where there's...

01:34:44.000 Yeah, but what is it?

01:34:45.000 It's being...

01:34:46.000 When you say that, and you go, he's a real comic, and I know exactly what you mean... 0.99

01:34:50.000 Not being some phony fucking weirdo. 0.99

01:34:53.000 You believe the person. 1.00

01:34:56.000 That's who that guy is, man.

01:34:58.000 For better or for worse, that's who he is on stage.

01:35:01.000 If you run into a comic at the airport and it's like Chucky McFucklesticks and some dude that's hacking it up.

01:35:20.000 You feel good about the world.

01:35:23.000 You see Bill Burr, you go, oh, that guy's legit.

01:35:25.000 That's a real guy, a real human being I can actually have a conversation with.

01:35:28.000 Well, not only that.

01:35:29.000 It's like when you run into them, if you run into a fellow comedian, it's sort of a rare fraternity.

01:35:36.000 There's not a lot of us out there.

01:35:38.000 You get lucky and run into one when you're on the road.

01:35:41.000 You speak a language.

01:35:41.000 There's an intimacy there that they have an experience that most people haven't had.

01:35:48.000 That you have and you can't really share with other people as much.

01:35:51.000 It must be like that with everything.

01:35:53.000 I mean, it must be like that for brain surgeons.

01:35:56.000 Imagine if you're like some famous neurosurgeon and all of a sudden you're on a flight with another famous neurosurgeon and you're like, oh, what have you been using for techniques?

01:36:02.000 And finally that stops blood clots.

01:36:05.000 It seems like that would be the case with everything.

01:36:08.000 Just like sort of Musashi was talking about.

01:36:11.000 You find whatever it is.

01:36:14.000 You find what it is.

01:36:15.000 Well, because it's a language.

01:36:16.000 It's a language.

01:36:17.000 Everything is a language.

01:36:19.000 You get more and more fluent with things.

01:36:21.000 Think about what Jiu Jitsu is.

01:36:22.000 Jiu Jitsu is a language, man.

01:36:23.000 It's a physical language. 1.00

01:36:25.000 And there are answers to what somebody gives to you and And somebody who doesn't speak that language is fucked. 0.99

01:36:34.000 Everything is that way. 0.98

01:36:35.000 And by the way, part of that language is rhythm.

01:36:39.000 There's a rhythm, there's a speed, there's a tempo to everything that you do.

01:36:43.000 And it varies on what you're doing.

01:36:47.000 And your personality informs what that rhythm is. 0.92

01:36:50.000 Some guys when they do jujitsu are fucking explosive and crazy and then other guys are really passive and they lock you up when they need to.

01:36:56.000 It just all depends on what your expression of the thing it is you're doing. 0.93

01:37:00.000 And you can always feel and you can always tell when someone is authentic, not only because they last for a long time, but I really think human beings, if you're keyed in, we all have antenna for what's legit.

01:37:13.000 We all have, like, sensitive antenna for what's...

01:37:16.000 You can get fooled for a little while when you're young, but at the end of the day, you know, I think we all have a sort of a...

01:37:23.000 I think if you're lying to yourself, you can get fooled fairly easily.

01:37:25.000 Yeah.

01:37:25.000 And I think that's the thing with these scams.

01:37:27.000 That's interesting, yeah.

01:37:28.000 Most people are lying to themselves.

01:37:30.000 Most people have to lie to themselves in order to keep a job or a wife or a husband or, you know... 0.99

01:37:35.000 There's a lot of people that have to kind of bullshit themselves, you know? 0.98

01:37:40.000 And it's not even that they have to bullshit themselves. 0.99

01:37:42.000 It also could be that they got on a path of bullshitting themselves at one point in time to sort of accept. 0.97

01:37:48.000 Now it's too thick and too many responsibilities to get out.

01:37:50.000 Yeah, and even though they've moved on in their career, they're moving forward in life.

01:37:53.000 Like, I knew a dude who was, he had done movies, okay? 1.00

01:37:57.000 But he was still full of shit. 1.00

01:37:59.000 He was like a movie star, but he would lie to you. 1.00

01:38:01.000 He would lie to you about, like...

01:38:03.000 Fake kickboxing matches that he had.

01:38:06.000 Talked about all these different things that he was doing that he definitely wasn't doing. 0.99

01:38:08.000 He would just make shit up. 0.99

01:38:10.000 Wow. 0.99

01:38:10.000 So he had still been connected to all this, whatever negative thing that he had held onto. 0.99

01:38:15.000 He still never realized how to let it go while he was advancing in all these other areas in his life. 0.72

01:38:21.000 So while he was becoming a successful millionaire movie star, he was also still a liar. 0.53

01:38:27.000 You see that a lot, man.

01:38:28.000 Strange.

01:38:28.000 I know somebody who's got just this, like on paper, their life is so...

01:38:32.000 Fucking amazing. 0.99

01:38:34.000 They're really good looking, lots of money, crazy nice house, healthy, great kids, successful, and they are taking lots of antidepressants just to get out of bed because there's something fucking... 0.99

01:38:47.000 And it's not a chemical thing so much for them. 0.83

01:38:49.000 It's just this malaise, dissatisfaction, anxiety they're always suffering from.

01:38:54.000 Well, I think it's also an example, an excellent example, of that super complicated machine being run by an incompetent driver.

01:39:02.000 If it's not a chemical problem in your brain, if it's not a disease or a disorder that's giving you the wrong amount of hormones, Right.

01:39:35.000 It lived in a physical form, ethereal in nature, and the universe gives you an opportunity.

01:39:40.000 Hey, listen, we've got an opening down on Earth.

01:39:42.000 If you want, we have a baby human available, loving household. 0.86

01:39:48.000 Everyone is dedicated to the idea of taking this baby human and developing it into a full-form, functional human being, so you've got an excellent support system behind you.

01:39:57.000 But you're going to have to start from scratch, okay?

01:39:59.000 You're going to have no knowledge whatsoever right out of the gate.

01:40:04.000 People will teach you at first, and then you're going to have to develop a voracious appetite for knowledge. 0.98

01:40:09.000 All in all, it's going to take about, shit, 30 years before you even know how to fucking do anything correctly or fit in with the other people in your realm. 0.98

01:40:17.000 But, hey, it's better than being gas. 0.98

01:40:19.000 So what do you want to do?

01:40:20.000 Do you want to be a spirit in the next stage of afterlife? 0.99

01:40:23.000 Or do you want to take a fucking chance and ride a human flesh machine to the brink of the end of civilization? 1.00

01:40:32.000 Come on, bitch. 1.00

01:40:32.000 What are you going to live forever? 1.00

01:40:33.000 I like that.

01:40:35.000 That's a really cool theme to write a story about.

01:40:39.000 You want to be gas or you want to ride this human flesh machine? 0.99

01:40:42.000 It's very possible that that's what happened.

01:40:44.000 This idea of the world being a simulation.

01:40:47.000 Maybe it's not a simulation in a sense. 0.96

01:40:50.000 Maybe the whole thing's fucking crazy and blips in and out of realities. 0.94

01:40:55.000 And maybe you are some sort of gaseous soul form. 0.99

01:41:00.000 In another dimension and then you live this life as a person and then you pop out on the other side and you're some other thing that's so crazy you can't even imagine it right now.

01:41:07.000 Because it's not in the realm of experiences that a human can possibly experience on this earth.

01:41:12.000 So much like having a crazy six gram mushroom trip, until you've done it, you can't even imagine what you're talking about here.

01:41:19.000 You can't imagine it.

01:41:20.000 And so when you're talking about it, you're just talking nonsense. 0.51

01:41:23.000 You're just making noises with your mouth. 0.95

01:41:24.000 So when we leave this and move to the next thing, if there is such a reality, it's possible that the next thing will be so fucking strange you can't even imagine.

01:41:35.000 Like, instead of thinking about ourselves as this disconnected human being driving around in cars and using the internet, the next thing could be no physical body at all, but just...

01:41:49.000 We're constantly connected with a tangible feeling of contact of other entities and life forms and souls and patterns.

01:41:57.000 Well, that's almost like being part of the matrix, part of the internet, right?

01:42:00.000 I mean if you think about – that's certainly what – I'm just listening. 0.93

01:42:04.000 I'm re-listening to fucking all the Socrates and he says you're kind of imprisoned by this body, this body that kind of breaks down, this body that distracts you constantly with your appetites. 0.97

01:42:14.000 With food, sex, and just pain, sleep, and all the things. 0.99

01:42:17.000 And it distracts you from the work at hand, the real work, this contemplation on the truth, getting to the truth of the essence of things.

01:42:28.000 And it's true. 0.56

01:42:29.000 It's like, if you think about it, the idea is, he says, as he was dying, he goes, look, man, I spent my whole life trying to separate myself from this physical body.

01:42:38.000 Like, I treat all my appetites with quiet contempt. 1.00

01:42:40.000 And he says, finally I get to be rid of this shit and just be a mind. 1.00

01:42:45.000 And he was like really looking forward to it. 1.00

01:42:46.000 It's kind of profound.

01:42:47.000 That's a great statement that he treats all of his appetites with quiet contempt.

01:42:52.000 That's a great statement.

01:42:53.000 That's right.

01:42:53.000 And so many intellectuals sort of share that feeling.

01:42:56.000 Yes, they call it the philosopher's journey.

01:42:58.000 Your hunger or your sexuality or any of that.

01:43:00.000 Yes, it is a distraction.

01:43:02.000 It should be treated with quiet contempt as you get older.

01:43:04.000 No, it shouldn't. 0.99

01:43:05.000 It should be treated as the last fucking gasps of a fun life. 0.99

01:43:09.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:43:10.000 Would you want to just sit around with no boners on your couch reading a dumb book? 1.00

01:43:14.000 No! 0.99

01:43:15.000 The idea is actually getting to the essence of the truth is more fun.

01:43:20.000 Getting to the essence of the truth is more fun, but ultimately, if you are to believe that this is a temporary existence, It's fruitless.

01:43:29.000 It doesn't matter.

01:43:29.000 You should be enjoying this ride.

01:43:32.000 That was Aristotle's rebuttal to Socrates.

01:43:34.000 Aristotle said, yes, yes, we should try to strive to be just a mind. 0.99

01:43:38.000 But by the way, watch a woman give childbirth and you tell me we're not physical fucking beings. 0.88

01:43:42.000 We're physical beings with appetites and you can get yourself to a point where you feel really good physically and mentally, so why not do that? 0.97

01:43:48.000 You know what I always say when it comes to Socrates?

01:43:51.000 This is an important one to repeat. 0.99

01:43:53.000 Whenever anybody says anything about Socrates, you should always include, yeah, and you know, he fucked a lot of dudes. 0.83

01:43:59.000 He actually didn't, but yes, all his friends did. 0.99

01:44:02.000 He fucked some boys. 1.00

01:44:03.000 Socrates fucked some boys. 1.00

01:44:04.000 Well, one of the things that Credo always complains about is he tried to seduce him and seduce him because he was married with two kids and he could never do it. 0.99

01:44:10.000 Did Socrates try to seduce him?

01:44:12.000 No, no, Credo tried to seduce him. 0.99

01:44:13.000 Tried to seduce Socrates.

01:44:14.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:44:15.000 They talk about that motherfucker standing there during the war and nobody, nobody they said could withstand lack of sleep, cold and lack of food better than Socrates. 0.99

01:44:25.000 Nobody can drink more wine and stay sober. 1.00

01:44:27.000 And one day he stopped and he started thinking and the soldiers go, oh shit, he's on a jag, he's thinking. 0.99

01:44:32.000 And they all sat there and watched him think and they took bets on how long he'd stand in one place. 1.00

01:44:37.000 And pretty soon the stuns started to come down and they pulled their fucking cots out to watch him sleep and he stood there all fucking night. 0.98

01:44:44.000 Figuring out this problem, the answer to an issue to a problem. 0.99

01:44:48.000 Meanwhile, I bet that's a lie.

01:44:50.000 I bet that never happened. 0.96

01:44:52.000 I bet people exaggerate the shit out of everything. 0.94

01:44:55.000 We're talking about a guy. 0.87

01:44:56.000 You did that about your Taekwondo teacher.

01:44:58.000 I bet that guy didn't even know them.

01:44:59.000 Of course.

01:44:59.000 We did that about my Taekwondo teacher?

01:45:01.000 No, I'm saying we all do that about our teachers.

01:45:02.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:45:03.000 Your fight teacher.

01:45:04.000 You think he's the greatest ever.

01:45:04.000 You know he can jump over trains, right?

01:45:06.000 What?

01:45:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:45:07.000 Yeah, he studies this kung fu that allows him to kill moose with his fucking bare hands. 1.00

01:45:12.000 Yeah, who knows, man. 0.98

01:45:13.000 When you get to those kind of stories, it's like, God, what really did happen?

01:45:17.000 Who was responsible for writing down the actual events of the time?

01:45:22.000 And it's funny because if you just go with human nature, we would always think, yeah, what's wrong with a little elaboration?

01:45:28.000 I'm going to spice it up.

01:45:30.000 Good for the Romans. 0.99

01:45:31.000 Look, we did a great job.

01:45:33.000 We brought them civilization.

01:45:36.000 We didn't kill that many babies.

01:45:38.000 Yeah.

01:45:39.000 They say we killed babies, like whatever, man.

01:45:42.000 There are people with insane powers of concentration that can sit and not move for 24 hours. 0.91

01:45:47.000 Yeah, they're autistic. 0.98

01:45:49.000 Yeah, well, no, there are people who, like, Somerset Maugham wrote a book called...

01:45:53.000 Listen, don't argue with me, bro.

01:45:55.000 I won't, bro.

01:45:55.000 I got this one.

01:45:56.000 You're actually, you're actually, you're actually, if you're intense, you'll play Quake for 15 fucking hours. 0.86

01:46:01.000 Well, that's why I won't play it. 0.64

01:46:02.000 That's why I'm not playing a match with Kevin Pereira.

01:46:05.000 That's pretty amazing. 0.99

01:46:05.000 You've always been insanely intense about shit. 0.99

01:46:07.000 I remember I said, hey, just try golf. 1.00

01:46:09.000 You go, I'm not fucking playing golf. 0.99

01:46:11.000 If you get into it, it'll be over. 1.00

01:46:12.000 No, no.

01:46:14.000 Because you'll go crazy.

01:46:15.000 Yeah, if I got into golf and started taking golf lessons, I would play golf all day. 1.00

01:46:19.000 That shit takes a long time. 0.98

01:46:21.000 Like, if I could play pool, you know, you can play pool for a half hour. 1.00

01:46:24.000 You can go and you go, hey, I got a half hour, you want to hit some balls around?

01:46:26.000 And you can enjoy yourself for half an hour.

01:46:27.000 Golf is five hours.

01:46:28.000 Yeah, every time you do it, right?

01:46:29.000 You've got to walk.

01:46:30.000 You gotta follow that.

01:46:31.000 I take a cart.

01:46:32.000 Whatever you gotta do.

01:46:33.000 You gotta drive then.

01:46:34.000 You gotta follow. 0.99

01:46:34.000 You're hitting this thing and it's fucking... 0.99

01:46:36.000 Why do you take a cart? 1.00

01:46:37.000 It's kind of a bitch move. 1.00

01:46:38.000 Because I get exhausted playing golf. 0.99

01:46:39.000 Come on, son. 1.00

01:46:40.000 That's weak shit. 1.00

01:46:41.000 Some things make me feel like I have diabetes. 1.00

01:46:43.000 Tag with my five-year-old.

01:46:44.000 Diabetes. 1.00

01:46:44.000 And fucking golf. 1.00

01:46:46.000 Some shit is just too... 1.00

01:46:47.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:46:47.000 I can't do it. 0.99

01:46:48.000 That's ridiculous. 0.97

01:46:48.000 You're talking about jujitsu and kettlebells. 0.97

01:46:51.000 I want one of those chimp kettlebells. 1.00

01:46:52.000 I'll do that shit right now. 1.00

01:46:53.000 And you're like, I can't walk, though, and play golf. 1.00

01:46:54.000 It's too much.

01:46:55.000 It's exhausting.

01:46:56.000 I get exhausted today.

01:46:56.000 It's too much.

01:46:57.000 I walked a mile.

01:46:59.000 My legs died.

01:46:59.000 I walked a whole mile.

01:47:00.000 It's crazy.

01:47:01.000 I can't.

01:47:02.000 If I'm bored, I fall asleep.

01:47:04.000 Well, remember the Steve Rinella hunting thing, which comes out April 28th?

01:47:09.000 On Sportsman's Network, where Brian and I went out to...

01:47:12.000 Is that what it is?

01:47:12.000 The Sportsman's Network?

01:47:13.000 It's an outdoor channel, I think.

01:47:15.000 I loved watching it.

01:47:17.000 Joe and I just watched it.

01:47:19.000 All these great memories were brought back, but I was really impressed.

01:47:23.000 They did a really good job, man.

01:47:25.000 They shot it well.

01:47:26.000 They edited it well.

01:47:27.000 It was funny.

01:47:28.000 Great music, by the way. 1.00

01:47:29.000 This is bullshit, man. 1.00

01:47:31.000 Sportsman's Channel. 1.00

01:47:32.000 It has a 2.1 rating on IMDb. 1.00

01:47:38.000 What fucking silly liberals! 1.00

01:47:40.000 We're gonna be famous! 1.00

01:47:41.000 Here's the thing, first of all, that is so wrong, because it is a great show.

01:47:46.000 It is!

01:47:47.000 This is the only show, okay, if you are like me, and you have any, if you eat meat, okay, and you have any desire for some sort of intellectual connection to the animal that you eat, there's not a lot of people that represent you if you're like a thinking person. 0.99

01:48:05.000 There's not a lot of people that represent you In the sportsman's world, we have this idea that sportsmen and hunters are these idiots, these fucking numb-minded Republican robots, 1.00

01:48:21.000 and they're out there just fucking shooting animals because they're evil. 1.00

01:48:25.000 Watch this show, because this is not that at all. 0.99

01:48:27.000 This is Steve Rinella, who's a good friend now to Brian and myself.

01:48:31.000 He's an awesome guy and a really well-read individual with a deep knowledge of especially the history of the colonization of the West.

01:48:42.000 And a deep love for animals, by the way.

01:48:44.000 A deep love for animals and an understanding of the whole process of acquiring your own meat.

01:48:50.000 And the way he does it is he does it through this idea.

01:48:53.000 It's called fair chase hunting where he's not – like sometimes they'll set out – and I don't have a problem with this.

01:48:58.000 I'm just saying this is one of the ways that people go hunting.

01:49:01.000 It makes it more effective.

01:49:02.000 Like you'll set out bait and the animal will come to the food.

01:49:05.000 And then when it's at the food, you're hiding in a blind and you shoot it.

01:49:08.000 That's like super common.

01:49:10.000 Half drunk.

01:49:10.000 That's Ted Nugent's entire show.

01:49:13.000 And by the way, I like Ted Nugent and I like Ted Nugent's show.

01:49:16.000 I don't agree with him on a lot of his things that he says, especially when it comes to politics.

01:49:20.000 And there's a lot of nonsense in a lot of his words. 1.00

01:49:23.000 But I think he's a fascinating character and he's out there shooting animals and telling everybody to go fuck themselves. 1.00

01:49:29.000 He shot a coyote in the head. 1.00

01:49:31.000 With an air rifle on the show and then was like, oh, look, a great coyote threw it in the back. 1.00

01:49:37.000 This is Ted fucking Nugent. 1.00

01:49:39.000 You killed a coyote with an air rifle? 1.00

01:49:40.000 Yeah.

01:49:40.000 Think about this.

01:49:41.000 This is not, I mean, this is like, he's a big rock star. 0.94

01:49:44.000 And at one point in time, when I was a kid, Ted Nugent was fucking huge. 0.86

01:49:48.000 Double live gonzo? 0.99

01:49:49.000 Yeah.

01:49:49.000 Dude, to this day, Stranglehold is one of my all-time favorite classic rock hits.

01:49:55.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99

01:49:55.000 The live version? 0.99

01:49:57.000 You got me in that goddamn strangle. 1.00

01:50:01.000 Amazing. 1.00

01:50:02.000 He's crazy, though.

01:50:03.000 But I like him. 0.90

01:50:04.000 I don't like everything about him.

01:50:07.000 I don't like him all across the board.

01:50:08.000 But Steve Rinella represents a completely different take.

01:50:13.000 Ted Nugent's leaving Bait Out.

01:50:15.000 He shot three deer with a bow and arrow in the first 15 minutes of the show the other day.

01:50:22.000 I mean, I don't even know.

01:50:23.000 I mean, how many they let you shoot?

01:50:24.000 How do you eat that much?

01:50:25.000 He's got land.

01:50:26.000 He gives away a lot.

01:50:27.000 He gives away, yeah, yeah.

01:50:28.000 Hunters for the homeless.

01:50:29.000 Or Hunters for the Hungry, rather.

01:50:30.000 Oh, that's cool.

01:50:30.000 Yeah, no animal goes to waste.

01:50:33.000 I mean, he has a guy that butchers his shit. 1.00

01:50:35.000 He's shown it on the show before. 1.00

01:50:37.000 I mean, Ted Nugent's not doing that.

01:50:39.000 He's definitely giving a lot of food away.

01:50:41.000 He just likes doing it.

01:50:42.000 You know?

01:50:42.000 And whatever, man.

01:50:43.000 What the fuck? 0.99

01:50:44.000 I mean, why is that bad? 1.00

01:50:46.000 But the guy who runs this dairy farm or, you know, is slaughtering steers to make your cheeseburger, That guy's acceptable.

01:50:53.000 Like, it doesn't make any sense. 0.99

01:50:55.000 The way he's doing it, even the way Ted Nugent's doing it by leaving out bait and shooting it with an arrow when it comes to eat, so fucking what? 0.98

01:51:01.000 That's still way more ethical, way smarter. 0.98

01:51:04.000 Like, why wouldn't you do that?

01:51:06.000 Don't you have some extra corn? 0.99

01:51:07.000 What do you want, it traipse around the fucking forest looking for some animal? 1.00

01:51:10.000 Just leave the corn out, shoot it! 1.00

01:51:12.000 Well, what's the goal? 0.99

01:51:12.000 The goal's here to shoot it. 0.99

01:51:13.000 Until you've been out there at five in the morning freezing your dick off after sleeping in a tent. 0.99

01:51:20.000 You'd use bait right quick, especially if you were hungry. 0.99

01:51:22.000 Yeah.

01:51:23.000 This guy, Steve Rinella, though, he doesn't do any of that.

01:51:25.000 His is all fair chase hunting, and he's a really bright guy. 0.96

01:51:29.000 And we have this really ignorant stereotype that people that grew up in sort of hunting-fishing backgrounds are dummies. 0.92

01:51:37.000 You know, a lot of people do. 0.91

01:51:39.000 A lot of people who don't have any experience in hunting. 0.99

01:51:42.000 And I think the beautiful thing about this show is, the guy's a fucking great writer. 0.98

01:51:46.000 I mean, he's a great writer. 0.98

01:51:47.000 His book, Meat Eater, is a very good book. 1.00

01:51:49.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:51:50.000 His descriptions, they captivate you. 1.00

01:51:53.000 Like, he's got a really intelligent way...

01:51:56.000 I learned a lot from him.

01:51:57.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:51:58.000 So, well, I don't even know what the point was.

01:52:01.000 No, you're talking about the difference between hunting and a blind or fair chase hunting.

01:52:05.000 Yeah, but I was talking about something before that.

01:52:07.000 I don't remember what the hell it was.

01:52:08.000 That's called going on a tangent, son.

01:52:12.000 But there's people that have a problem with basically anything that people do.

01:52:17.000 What about all the restaurants everywhere you go that are serving meat?

01:52:21.000 Like, why are you freaking out?

01:52:23.000 About certain specific situations where you find meat.

01:52:26.000 Is it really meat?

01:52:28.000 What are these animals going to do if you don't eat them?

01:52:30.000 Are they just going to live forever?

01:52:32.000 Or if they're not going to live forever, they're going to live a certain amount of time.

01:52:34.000 And then what happens to the meat?

01:52:35.000 Is it okay to feed it to dogs once they die of old age?

01:52:37.000 Is that allowed?

01:52:39.000 What do we do as humans to control the population?

01:52:42.000 Do we have to spend a lot of money on sterilization programs? 0.58

01:52:44.000 What if our health deteriorates because we're not eating as much animal protein and other countries take over? 0.89

01:52:50.000 Let's start dominating us.

01:52:51.000 Wait a minute.

01:52:51.000 What if Morrissey ran the army?

01:52:53.000 Do you know how quickly we'd be overrun with the Soviets? 0.91

01:52:55.000 What if Morrissey ran the army? 0.99

01:52:56.000 Do you know how quickly the Soviets would fucking take over? 0.99

01:52:58.000 Do you think Putin would stand it if Morrissey won? 1.00

01:53:00.000 If Morrissey became the president of the United States, these fucking meat-headed, thick, tree-trunk-necked Russian cosmonauts would come running over and just dominate this country. 1.00

01:53:12.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

01:53:12.000 If we all turned into a bunch of vegetarians. 1.00

01:53:14.000 That's the truth.

01:53:14.000 We live in a hard world, ladies and gentlemen, okay?

01:53:16.000 You can't run it on lentils.

01:53:18.000 You just can't.

01:53:22.000 Oh, Politics by Joe Rogan. 1.00

01:53:23.000 You can't run it on lentils, you fucks. 1.00

01:53:25.000 Silly fucks. 1.00

01:53:27.000 That's why India hasn't won... 1.00

01:53:28.000 I don't think they won a medal last Olympics.

01:53:30.000 I'm like, come on guys, you've got a billion people.

01:53:32.000 I love Indians.

01:53:33.000 I'm not making fun of anybody from India.

01:53:34.000 I love India.

01:53:35.000 But you're not athletic.

01:53:37.000 They're not as athletic as some countries.

01:53:39.000 Sweden has got 7 million people.

01:53:41.000 They win like 50 medals in the Olympics.

01:53:45.000 It's because all the girls are hot. 1.00

01:53:47.000 Right.

01:53:47.000 India, not one.

01:53:48.000 You're just trying really hard to get laid.

01:53:50.000 And the only way to do that is be awesome at a sport. 1.00

01:53:52.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99

01:53:52.000 That's the quickest way. 0.99

01:53:54.000 Or be funny.

01:53:55.000 That's not provable enough. 1.00

01:53:57.000 As a young man, you can't fuck with the quarterback. 0.99

01:53:59.000 A guy who's a basketball star, the guy who hits the home runs, that guy wins. 1.00

01:54:04.000 That guy wins.

01:54:05.000 Yeah, I was a wrestler. 0.98

01:54:06.000 They didn't come out to see me in my fucking single ad at 125 pounds. 0.99

01:54:09.000 They did not give a fuck about us. 0.99

01:54:11.000 They didn't give a fuck about wrestlers, and they certainly weren't into fucking karate guys. 0.99

01:54:16.000 No, you're a karate guy. 0.99

01:54:18.000 Great. 1.00

01:54:19.000 What do you wear, pajamas and fucking stick your feet in people's face? 1.00

01:54:21.000 You know how stupid that is? 1.00

01:54:23.000 No, we can't have sex. 1.00

01:54:24.000 Get out of here. 1.00

01:54:27.000 But the fucking quarterbacks, they just have to beat them off with sticks. 1.00

01:54:31.000 Get out of here, you fucking opportunistic hooker. 1.00

01:54:34.000 I'm going to go practice my sidekick. 1.00

01:54:35.000 I'll be right back.

01:54:37.000 Yeah.

01:54:38.000 They're like, what are you doing?

01:54:39.000 Why do you do that?

01:54:40.000 Where do you do it?

01:54:41.000 Where do you do that?

01:54:42.000 That's all you do?

01:54:43.000 It's not very flashy.

01:54:44.000 Don't you play another sport?

01:54:46.000 Even the UFC now, you see these guys who are like badasses and a lot of girls are like, no, no, no. 0.60

01:54:50.000 Those guys hit each other and their ears are all weird.

01:54:52.000 What?

01:54:52.000 What are you talking about?

01:54:53.000 Those guys have to beat it off with sticks. 1.00

01:54:57.000 In their circle, they sure as fuck do it. 1.00

01:54:58.000 Are you crazy? 1.00

01:54:59.000 What girls? 1.00

01:55:00.000 Any girl that's like, ew, they hit each other. 1.00

01:55:02.000 That is a broken bitch that doesn't want to go on a wild ride. 1.00

01:55:06.000 But UFC guys don't get the same kind of attention that basketball or football players do, man. 1.00

01:55:09.000 What? 0.98

01:55:10.000 Are you crazy? 0.97

01:55:11.000 A guy like Chuck Liddell in his prime? 0.95

01:55:13.000 You've never seen anything like that in the face of the earth. 0.99

01:55:16.000 You've never seen fuck Genghis Khan. 0.99

01:55:18.000 That guy would show up when Chuck Liddell was the fucking champion in the UFC, when he was a UFC light heavyweight champion. 1.00

01:55:23.000 He would walk into a club. 0.98

01:55:26.000 You've never seen gravity like this.

01:55:28.000 Really? 0.99

01:55:29.000 He would suck in hot-titted asteroids. 1.00

01:55:32.000 Jesus! 1.00

01:55:32.000 Boom! 1.00

01:55:33.000 Boom! 0.99

01:55:33.000 He was like Jupiter absorbing gravity. 0.99

01:55:35.000 They were just hugging him, wanting to take pictures with him, and hugging him, wanting to take pictures with him.

01:55:40.000 Dude, it was a swarm.

01:55:41.000 It was like, have you seen that commercial for World War Z, where all the zombies swarm?

01:55:45.000 That's what it was when Chuck Liddell would show up.

01:55:47.000 Girls would just flock to him. 0.80

01:55:48.000 He's the gladiator.

01:55:49.000 He's the alpha male.

01:55:50.000 They wanted to meet him.

01:55:51.000 They wanted to talk to him.

01:55:52.000 And the guy, like, literally couldn't move through the room.

01:55:54.000 You've never seen anything like it.

01:55:55.000 My buddy hung with Mike Tyson in Vegas.

01:55:56.000 He did the same thing.

01:55:57.000 Oh, sure.

01:55:58.000 He had no idea.

01:55:59.000 Especially because in Vegas, a lot of those girls are drunk. 1.00

01:56:03.000 And when you're drunk, that's when the real thoughts come out and you're like, I'm going to go take a picture with Mike. 1.00

01:56:08.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:56:10.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:56:12.000 I'm going to tell him right now. 1.00

01:56:12.000 He'll suck his cock. 1.00

01:56:13.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:56:14.000 That's Mike Tyson. 1.00

01:56:15.000 I'm going to do it. 1.00

01:56:15.000 Bitch, you go! 1.00

01:56:17.000 Meanwhile, no girl would support that. 1.00

01:56:18.000 She'd be like, you fucking whore. 1.00

01:56:20.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:56:20.000 I want to meet him too, but I want you to suck his dick first. 1.00

01:56:22.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:56:25.000 Oh my god.

01:56:27.000 I guess in his one-man show, he starts by saying...

01:56:34.000 Let me get one of those too, buddy.

01:56:36.000 In his one-man show, he basically says he puts up the number...

01:56:39.000 I didn't see it, but he said he puts up the number $400 million and he goes, I lost all that money.

01:56:43.000 I lost $400 million.

01:56:45.000 I made $400 million and I lost $400 million. 1.00

01:56:48.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:56:49.000 But that's what happens when you just buy a bunch of tigers and just like fucking everything. 1.00

01:56:53.000 Well, it's also the kind of mentality that allows you to become a prize fighter. 0.99

01:56:58.000 The kind of mentality that allows you to Be a person who risks his health and runs at men in a boxing ring and smashes their brains.

01:57:09.000 You're thinking about the moment, man.

01:57:11.000 You're thinking about training for your next fight.

01:57:13.000 You're thinking about months of preparation.

01:57:14.000 You're thinking about the fight itself.

01:57:16.000 You probably also have to be a little, like, you have to be pretty aggro, right?

01:57:19.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

01:57:20.000 But it's also like someone telling you what you can and can't do with your money. 0.99

01:57:23.000 Be like, bitch, I'm Hector Camacho. 1.00

01:57:25.000 I'll do whatever the fuck I want. 1.00

01:57:26.000 I'm going to get Macho Man in diamonds. 1.00

01:57:28.000 Suck my dick, okay? 1.00

01:57:29.000 Right. 1.00

01:57:29.000 That's what I was going to say. 1.00

01:57:30.000 Macho man suck my dick. 1.00

01:57:33.000 You can do whatever you want. 1.00

01:57:34.000 I mean, if you're a champion, it's almost like you have to have that mentality to be that Mike Tyson type of a character.

01:57:40.000 You know, Bernard Hopkins is famously frugal.

01:57:44.000 He's just a smart, disciplined guy that's still, at 48 years old, is a world boxing champion.

01:57:49.000 It's the craziest thing I've ever heard of.

01:57:51.000 No one's ever done that before. 0.98

01:57:52.000 No one's ever done that at 48 years old and looked fucking good. 0.98

01:57:55.000 He looked great. 0.99

01:57:56.000 He boxed the shit out of that dude. 0.79

01:57:57.000 It wasn't a close loss. 0.97

01:57:58.000 It's a crazy thing.

01:58:00.000 He's a master.

01:58:01.000 He's a master. 1.00

01:58:01.000 He's a fucking master. 1.00

01:58:03.000 He's a master boxer. 1.00

01:58:04.000 But he's like super frugal.

01:58:05.000 You know, but his style is like super frugal.

01:58:08.000 That's why at 48 years old, he's still in the mix.

01:58:10.000 Whereas a guy like Mike Tyson, which just says...

01:58:14.000 He raged for a few years and then done.

01:58:16.000 Mike Tyson and Bernard Hopkins, they were boxing at the same time.

01:58:20.000 Bernard Hopkins is older.

01:58:22.000 Bernard Hopkins is the older man.

01:58:24.000 Bernard Hopkins is still a world champion.

01:58:28.000 Still speaks fluent.

01:58:30.000 He has no voice problems.

01:58:32.000 He's so articulate.

01:58:33.000 He does not get hit very often.

01:58:35.000 He knows how to roll with things.

01:58:37.000 He's never been hurt.

01:58:38.000 Even when he's been tagged.

01:58:39.000 He's been tagged by guys and dropped by them. 1.00

01:58:41.000 You know, he just starts boxing and he's disciplined as fuck and he sticks that fucking boxing game in your face and slowly but surely he starts to overwhelm you. 0.99

01:58:50.000 When he beat Kelly Pavlik and he goes, he grabbed him apparently and he said, don't let this ruin you. 0.99

01:58:55.000 Yeah.

01:58:56.000 You know, he knew he was going to beat him when he walked in the ring. 1.00

01:58:59.000 Like, to be that good, Kelly Pavlik was a fucking killer. 0.97

01:59:02.000 That's an exceptional fight, but the defining fight was Felix Trinidad because Felix Trinidad was thought to be a destroyer. 0.98

01:59:11.000 People were setting up Felix Trinidad to fight all these super fights.

01:59:15.000 He wasn't going to fight Oscar de la Hoya.

01:59:16.000 He was going to fight a lot of different people. 0.98

01:59:18.000 Felix Trinidad was a killer. 0.98

01:59:19.000 He's a serious, high-level, dangerous threat. 1.00

01:59:23.000 And Bernard Hopkins boxed his fucking face off. 1.00

01:59:26.000 He just boxed his fucking ears off. 1.00

01:59:29.000 Incredible. 1.00

01:59:29.000 And just shut him down. 1.00

01:59:31.000 And it was amazing that people thought that Trinidad was the favorite going into that fight because Bernard Hopkins fucking dominated him. 0.97

01:59:38.000 I mean, he dominated him. 0.93

01:59:39.000 And he stopped him.

01:59:41.000 And it ended Felix Trinidad.

01:59:43.000 Felix Trinidad was never the same after that fight.

01:59:45.000 That was the fight where he just, like, hit the wall.

01:59:47.000 They say fighters always have one fight that, like, even get hit one time by one, it's one punch usually that kind of changes their whole mix.

01:59:56.000 Well, he can.

01:59:57.000 A lot of people say GSP was not the same fighter.

02:00:01.000 He became very conservative and careful after he got knocked out by Matt Serra.

02:00:06.000 Well, he definitely became more conservative.

02:00:08.000 Where he controls you rather than...

02:00:10.000 GSP, which you've got to look at when people say, Oh, you know, is GSP slowing down?

02:00:15.000 Or is GSP this?

02:00:16.000 Or is GSP that?

02:00:18.000 Is his time over?

02:00:19.000 Are these new guys going to beat him? 1.00

02:00:20.000 There's always going to be a bunch of fucking killers out there. 1.00

02:00:23.000 There's always going to be a bunch of scary... 1.00

02:00:24.000 Johnny Hendrix, Jake Ellenberger type dudes looking to smash your fucking face in when you're the champ. 1.00

02:00:29.000 There's no getting around that. 0.99

02:00:31.000 What's most impressive is that the guy has been doing this for so fucking long. 0.99

02:00:36.000 And when shit starts happening, like he blew out his ACL. Look, getting injured, that is a normal part of being an athlete. 0.99

02:00:43.000 It happens.

02:00:44.000 There's no getting around it.

02:00:45.000 You're putting your body through incredible strains and you're especially doing an improvisational sort of a thing like wrestling or jujitsu or kickboxing where you don't know How he's gonna move or you're sparring and shit goes wrong and you can get hurt.

02:00:58.000 There's no way of avoiding that.

02:01:01.000 But when shit starts breaking and you start getting injured and you start thinking about the amount of hours this guy's put in the gym, the amount of hours this guy's put in the cage, the amount of fights, the amount of wear and tear, it's just a matter of how long can you consistently keep up that sort of fighting style. 0.95

02:01:17.000 That intensity and all that. 0.91

02:01:18.000 Wrestling based fighting style too.

02:01:20.000 Right.

02:01:21.000 Which is very taxing on your spinal cord, very taxing on your knees.

02:01:25.000 There's a lot of power involved in a wrestling-based style.

02:01:29.000 Even if you're a technical guy like a Ben Askren, it becomes a difficult style to incorporate.

02:01:36.000 What's kind of remarkable about him, though, is GSP is his ability.

02:01:39.000 Also, there's a lot of tape on him.

02:01:41.000 You can watch a lot on him.

02:01:42.000 You can try to figure him out.

02:01:44.000 But he fights a different fight in some ways every time he fights as well.

02:01:49.000 Don't get me wrong.

02:01:50.000 I think a wrestling-based style is definitely the best way to approach it as far as longevity.

02:01:57.000 But even that, it's like, how much longevity can you get? 0.99

02:02:01.000 MMA is a brutal goddamn game. 0.97

02:02:03.000 How much longevity can you get? 0.99

02:02:05.000 At a certain point in time, someone's going to come along, and if Anderson Silva keeps fighting, someone's probably going to beat him.

02:02:11.000 And it might be like sort of a Bernard Hopkins situation where no one ever gets to it.

02:02:15.000 I mean, he's so clever and so technical that no one ever gets to the point where they can really humiliate him.

02:02:19.000 But there'll be a guy like a Chad Dawson who'll come along and beat Bernard Hopkins just because he's younger and quicker.

02:02:25.000 There's going to be these Andre Ward-type guys.

02:02:27.000 There's going to be...

02:02:28.000 What was that dude that Jermaine...

02:02:32.000 The guy that Kelly Pavlik beat I want to see Jermaine Andre, but that's not his name.

02:02:37.000 Is that his name?

02:02:38.000 I saw a lot of his fights.

02:02:40.000 He was the champ, and he beat...

02:02:43.000 I don't know if that's the right boxer. 0.99

02:02:48.000 I forget his fucking name. 1.00

02:02:50.000 Shit. 1.00

02:02:51.000 I hate that. 1.00

02:02:52.000 I got too many fucking names in my brain. 1.00

02:02:54.000 But this dude... 1.00

02:02:55.000 Is that his name?

02:02:57.000 Jermaine Andre?

02:03:00.000 No.

02:03:01.000 No, he's an MMA fighter.

02:03:03.000 Oh, well.

02:03:04.000 Oh, that's right.

02:03:05.000 I remember that dude.

02:03:06.000 Yeah, sorry.

02:03:06.000 Sorry, Jermaine.

02:03:07.000 Yeah, he's actually a very talented kickboxing champion.

02:03:13.000 Jermaine Stewart?

02:03:14.000 Jermaine Taylor?

02:03:15.000 Jermaine Taylor.

02:03:16.000 Jermaine Taylor.

02:03:17.000 Yeah, Jermaine Andre is this badass-looking dude with this crazy ponytail.

02:03:23.000 He's got a shaved head with a crazy ponytail.

02:03:25.000 He fought in the UFC, I think.

02:03:26.000 Pretty sure.

02:03:29.000 Kelly Pavlik knocked him out, but he beat Bernard Hopkins twice.

02:03:33.000 And he beat him with speed.

02:03:35.000 I believe he beat him twice.

02:03:36.000 He's also bigger too.

02:03:37.000 He's a bigger guy.

02:03:38.000 He's big, but meanwhile Pavlik beat him.

02:03:41.000 He was just able to out-athlete.

02:03:44.000 It's so funny.

02:03:44.000 You look at a guy like Pavlik.

02:03:46.000 If you saw him on the beach in shorts, he couldn't look more normal.

02:03:50.000 There's not a lot of muscle tone.

02:03:51.000 Well, he's covered with some crazy tattoos now.

02:03:53.000 Now he is, but he used to not be.

02:03:55.000 After he had his kind of...

02:03:56.000 I think he had a bit of a breakdown.

02:03:57.000 Then he went and got a bunch of tattoos.

02:03:59.000 A lot of alcohol.

02:04:00.000 Is that what it was?

02:04:01.000 Apparently.

02:04:01.000 Because before that, when he was younger, he had no tattoos.

02:04:03.000 You know, very few.

02:04:04.000 He was just such a normal...

02:04:05.000 Well, he just retired.

02:04:06.000 You know, I think...

02:04:06.000 Yeah, I think part of it...

02:04:08.000 I mean, the alcohol thing...

02:04:10.000 It's very possible that the depression, alcohol, all that stuff has to do with head trauma.

02:04:15.000 It's very, very possible.

02:04:16.000 There's a lot of evidence to that, right?

02:04:17.000 Yeah, and he thinks it might be as well, and so he's retiring.

02:04:20.000 Oh, wow.

02:04:21.000 Even though he won recently.

02:04:23.000 He looked really good, too.

02:04:25.000 He was in the midst of a comeback. 1.00

02:04:27.000 He's a talented fucking boxer. 1.00

02:04:29.000 Yeah, he is. 1.00

02:04:30.000 But getting hit in the head, walking around with headaches all day, yeah.

02:04:33.000 I've done it, man.

02:04:34.000 I've done it.

02:04:35.000 Keep it.

02:04:36.000 It's not fun.

02:04:37.000 I mean, I never did it to the extent that he did it, though.

02:04:39.000 What he did was incredible.

02:04:41.000 He was a world champion. 1.00

02:04:42.000 Just the amount of punishment that you have to go through in the fucking ring. 1.00

02:04:46.000 Just in the ring, dude. 1.00

02:04:47.000 I mean, it's just, Jesus Christ.

02:04:49.000 Just, I mean, my being the training ring.

02:04:51.000 You know, just every day in the gym. 0.99

02:04:53.000 These guys, you know, they fucking go to war, man. 0.99

02:04:58.000 You get caught all the time. 1.00

02:04:58.000 The last time he fought was 2012. He won, and apparently they were setting up a new fight for him. 1.00

02:05:04.000 Let me see a picture of him. 1.00

02:05:04.000 You need to get your own fucking computer, bro. 1.00

02:05:06.000 No way. 1.00

02:05:07.000 You want to see a picture of him?

02:05:08.000 Yeah.

02:05:09.000 What do you want to see?

02:05:10.000 The tattoos.

02:05:10.000 Oh, I'll find him for you.

02:05:11.000 Yeah, he had a bunch of crazy tattoos, man. 1.00

02:05:14.000 He went nutty and just fucking tattooed the shit out of his chest. 1.00

02:05:18.000 Just go off. 1.00

02:05:19.000 He put, like, haunted houses on him and shit. 1.00

02:05:21.000 Rory McDonald. 0.99

02:05:22.000 Yeah, pull that up.

02:05:23.000 Kelly Pavlik tattoos.

02:05:25.000 You can see the tattoos that he has on his chest.

02:05:27.000 I wouldn't mind seeing McDonald fight GSP, but I think they're training partners.

02:05:31.000 Apparently, they are preparing for that possibility.

02:05:34.000 Really?

02:05:34.000 They're not training together anymore.

02:05:36.000 Yeah, they prepare on the opposite sides of the gym. 0.99

02:05:39.000 Rory McDonald's no fucking joke. 0.95

02:05:41.000 Yeah, Kelly Pavlik has the Colosseum on his chest. 1.00

02:05:45.000 He has all this nutty shit. 0.99

02:05:48.000 If you go to the one, there's other ones where you get a good image of what it is. 1.00

02:05:54.000 There's another one down there, if you look at it, it's got a bit of a better image.

02:06:02.000 There's a couple of them.

02:06:03.000 Yeah, that one where his arms are flexed, you kind of get to see what it is.

02:06:07.000 Yeah, it's like a Roman Colosseum on the left. 0.99

02:06:11.000 And there's some other shit. 0.96

02:06:17.000 Some dudes just get real random with their tattoos. 0.99

02:06:20.000 He's got an angel with a bow and arrow.

02:06:23.000 He's great.

02:06:24.000 Look at him.

02:06:24.000 He's awesome looking.

02:06:25.000 I love that guy.

02:06:26.000 Nothing more beautiful than a fighter.

02:06:28.000 A bridge. 1.00

02:06:29.000 He's a fucking animal, man. 1.00

02:06:30.000 When he was at his best, he was a really fun guy to watch. 1.00

02:06:33.000 I'm glad he's retiring before it gets ugly.

02:06:37.000 The guy did a lot.

02:06:38.000 He accomplished a lot.

02:06:39.000 And it gets ugly for everyone.

02:06:41.000 He looks haunted a little bit, doesn't he?

02:06:43.000 A lot of guys are, my brother.

02:06:45.000 A lot of guys are.

02:06:47.000 Somebody called being an addict, like, you always feel like you're being chased by something, by a ghost, you know?

02:06:53.000 It's true.

02:06:54.000 An addict described that.

02:06:55.000 He said, you know, I always feel like I'm being chased by a demon that's almost catching me every time.

02:07:01.000 I'm always running.

02:07:02.000 I'm always running.

02:07:03.000 Have you heard about these district attorneys that are getting shot in Texas?

02:07:07.000 Yes.

02:07:08.000 Someone's assassinating district attorneys. 0.91

02:07:10.000 Well, they caught one guy who was a white supremacist. 0.82

02:07:11.000 He had a shootout. 0.98

02:07:12.000 They killed him.

02:07:13.000 That was the guy who killed the Colorado Prison Bureau.

02:07:17.000 Oh, they caught that guy.

02:07:18.000 Yeah, and they killed him.

02:07:20.000 And then the guy who shot the district attorney and his wife, they don't know.

02:07:24.000 I guess they still don't know who did it.

02:07:26.000 They don't even know if it's connected, but I'm sure it is.

02:07:30.000 Well, it might be just a cartel thing.

02:07:32.000 You don't know, man. 1.00

02:07:33.000 Fucking... 1.00

02:07:33.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:07:34.000 It's like a...

02:07:35.000 But since 1964, I think...

02:07:37.000 How many?

02:07:38.000 13 or 33 prosecutors have been shot.

02:07:43.000 Wow.

02:07:45.000 There was a story that came out about a cop that may or may not have planted drugs on a woman because she was claiming that a judge... 0.94

02:08:03.000 I'm surprised I don't read about this more.

02:08:11.000 Jesus.

02:08:11.000 Yeah.

02:08:13.000 I'm not shocked at that.

02:08:14.000 I mean, they found a judge who was profiting off of sending kids to juvenile homes.

02:08:18.000 God.

02:08:19.000 Really?

02:08:19.000 Yeah.

02:08:19.000 Yeah, they found a judge that was profiting off of that.

02:08:22.000 He's in jail now.

02:08:23.000 He's in Pennsylvania.

02:08:25.000 Sociopath?

02:08:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:08:26.000 Sick motherfucker. 1.00

02:08:28.000 Sociopath. 1.00

02:08:28.000 You know, he thought, because these kids had done things in the past, fuck it, I'll just send them down the river. 1.00

02:08:33.000 You know? 1.00

02:08:33.000 They need it. 1.00

02:08:34.000 And he was getting kickbacks.

02:08:35.000 He was getting kickbacks.

02:08:36.000 The more people he would convict, Yeah, this is Murray County. 0.99

02:08:50.000 I don't know where the fuck that is. 0.99

02:08:54.000 Where the hell's Mary? 0.99

02:08:56.000 You live in a serious hillbilly place if no one's ever heard of your dad.

02:09:00.000 Oh, you know what I was going to talk about?

02:09:01.000 My Vincent LaBarbera, the guy that I have on my podcast right now on the Brian Callen Show.

02:09:07.000 And who is this cat?

02:09:08.000 This guy is a... 0.94

02:09:09.000 First of all, he wears a patch over his eye because he went snow blind three times from climbing like fucking huge mountains like in Africa and stuff. 0.98

02:09:16.000 Whoa. 0.73

02:09:17.000 Yeah, and he would go and basically go to war zones, just see what it was like.

02:09:22.000 Murray County's in Minnesota, by the way.

02:09:24.000 Oh.

02:09:26.000 Whatever.

02:09:26.000 So this guy went snow blind?

02:09:28.000 Yeah, yeah, from climbing mountains and shit. 1.00

02:09:30.000 He's a real daredevil, did all kinds of shit. 0.99

02:09:32.000 But now he's always – he's been a high-profile trial lawyer for like big-time drug cartels. 0.99

02:09:39.000 He's a huge proponent on the podcast.

02:09:41.000 He talks about why drugs should be legal and stuff.

02:09:42.000 It's amazing.

02:09:43.000 So he's tried to get the cartels out of jail?

02:09:46.000 He just thinks all drugs should be legal, all of them, and he does everything he can to stick to the government whenever.

02:09:52.000 So he handles huge, big cases, like big, big-time cases.

02:09:58.000 The Marine in Fallujah, a lot of different people.

02:10:01.000 And he's got a really interesting take on justice.

02:10:05.000 I had this Delta Force guy who was talking about killing an American citizen, and he was kind of justifying it.

02:10:09.000 And Vincent LaBarbera got on and was like, let me tell you something.

02:10:12.000 That's the biggest bunch of, you know, he couldn't have been more on the other side of it.

02:10:16.000 The U.S. and the National Defense Act and stuff we talk a lot about.

02:10:20.000 He just goes to town on the fact that that is killing our country, our due process and everything.

02:10:26.000 He's very articulate about it.

02:10:27.000 I'm not.

02:10:28.000 It's going down the path of corruption and we all see it.

02:10:32.000 And because now we're all on the internet, we all get to talk about it.

02:10:35.000 We get to express our concerns and we get to… Well, when the government says trust me, no.

02:10:40.000 Well, it keeps happening.

02:10:41.000 That's like this new thing is this Monsanto.

02:10:45.000 Bill that just passed silently through Congress without any mainstream exposure where they're giving Monsanto all sorts of- Subsidies and things like that?

02:10:56.000 All sorts of abilities to hide the fact that genetically modified foods and things that you buy.

02:11:04.000 It's creepy.

02:11:05.000 It's creepy because it's one of those things where you would hope that there would one day be What was that?

02:11:19.000 What was the whistle?

02:11:20.000 I think it was my team.

02:11:20.000 Is that your phone?

02:11:21.000 Yeah, it was my team. 1.00

02:11:22.000 Dude, that's the gayest shit ever. 1.00

02:11:24.000 I actually kind of like it. 1.00

02:11:25.000 I think I want to change my ringer.

02:11:26.000 What the hell? 0.99

02:11:28.000 What the fuck was I even talking about? 1.00

02:11:29.000 You were talking about... 0.99

02:11:30.000 Monsanto.

02:11:32.000 We'd hope that things would slowly start to move into a better direction.

02:11:35.000 Right.

02:11:36.000 You know, like, we're going to cut back on corruption.

02:11:37.000 We're going to attack it.

02:11:39.000 We're going to make for a more fair society.

02:11:42.000 We're going to only involve ourselves in military campaigns that are just and true.

02:11:48.000 And we're going to try to educate the rest of the world.

02:11:51.000 You've got to change the incentive structure if you want to do that.

02:11:53.000 Of course.

02:11:54.000 You know?

02:11:54.000 It's just weird, man.

02:11:56.000 It's weird.

02:11:57.000 The biggest danger is that when you have good people behaving corruptly, when you have a system that allows for no other way to do business, so that your system becomes an economy of influence and not meritocracy.

02:12:08.000 So who you know is really how you get business, not what you can do.

02:12:11.000 And that's where we're headed in some aspects, and you have to be very careful of that.

02:12:16.000 At least Lawrence Lessig's book says that in A Republic Lost, which I've talked about many times on this podcast.

02:12:22.000 That's a very important book to read.

02:12:42.000 And there's a thing they're calling the Monsanto Protection Act, which was signed by President Obama.

02:12:48.000 They're calling it the Monsanto Protection Act.

02:12:49.000 What it actually was, it was added to an essential spending bill without congressional hearings.

02:12:56.000 So they snuck this rider.

02:12:58.000 And the rider strips the power from the federal courts to halt the sales and planting of genetically modified foods even if health concerns arise.

02:13:07.000 Wow.

02:13:09.000 Wow.

02:13:09.000 This is crazy.

02:13:11.000 The provision was simply an industry ploy to continue to sell genetically engineered seeds even when a court of law has found that they were approved by the USDA illegally, the petition stated.

02:13:25.000 It's necessary to find an unprecedented act on U.S. judicial review.

02:13:31.000 Congress should not be meddling with the judicial review process based solely on the special interest of a handful of companies.

02:13:38.000 This is from someone's, I guess it was I don't know who wrote that.

02:13:46.000 Okay, so what essentially they're saying is they snuck this in and people are just finding out about it now and they're Happens all the time in Washington.

02:13:53.000 They're trying to protect the profits of this company.

02:13:57.000 The only reason why you would hide information is you're trying to protect the profits.

02:14:01.000 That's right.

02:14:02.000 Because if the genetically modified foods are safe and they're in there and we find out they're safe, then we don't have to worry.

02:14:09.000 But if they might not be safe and you want to sue, you're not going to know.

02:14:15.000 You're not going to be able to blame it on the genetically modified foods.

02:14:18.000 You're not even going to know if it's genetically modified.

02:14:20.000 If you have health issues that arise, Because of the genetically modified foods, you won't even know the correlation.

02:14:25.000 What if you have a known issue that's come up amongst a small percentage of people that do respond poorly to genetically modified foods? 0.98

02:14:35.000 Well, you won't even fucking know because it's not going to be in the label because some cunts got paid. 0.99

02:14:40.000 That's crazy because the people who are selling genetically modified foods should only want to be selling Healthy, genetically modified foods. 0.98

02:14:48.000 It is possible that science can figure out a way to produce more food that's more nutritious.

02:14:54.000 It is possible. 0.91

02:14:55.000 But it's also possible that they could fuck it up.

02:14:58.000 And when something like this comes along, and all this is, they should call this the Monsanto Information Act.

02:15:04.000 Because all it is, is keeping information secret.

02:15:08.000 Keeping it from people.

02:15:09.000 That's never good.

02:15:10.000 That's not only that.

02:15:11.000 It's also changing information and lying about what's good for you and what's not good for you.

02:15:15.000 They're setting up corruption.

02:15:17.000 They're setting up so corruption can take place.

02:15:19.000 I don't know enough about genetically modified foods, but I'll give you an example.

02:15:22.000 But you don't have to.

02:15:22.000 Well, no.

02:15:23.000 I'm saying that the Food and Nutrition Board, which sets the school standard for 30 million children on what they can eat, because they've been hijacked by companies like Nestle, etc., the big companies that have an interest in selling their products, Coca-Cola and stuff.

02:15:37.000 And they hire scientists.

02:15:39.000 Read the China study.

02:15:40.000 It talks about this.

02:15:41.000 I'm paraphrasing here, but they'll stack the deck with scientists that they basically hire to say that 25% of your diet can be simple sugars, which means I can have vending machines in there that sell soda and Twix bars and that's part of your lunch.

02:15:58.000 That's where when you're ignorant and you don't know how the system works, how the incentive structure works, you are going to pay a price for it with your health and so are your kids.

02:16:09.000 So that's why I always tell people you can't not be politically committed. 0.82

02:16:13.000 It's not a luxury you can afford, man, because what happens is it becomes a concentration of vested interests.

02:16:19.000 Look at Wall Street.

02:16:21.000 Yes, they compete with each other until someone comes in with legislation and they get very good at hiring lobbyists.

02:16:29.000 They get very good at their economy of influence and figuring out how to buy the right people to keep business as usual.

02:16:37.000 That's why you have banks that are too big to fail.

02:16:41.000 They're entering the system now to stop that pattern.

02:16:44.000 They have to figure out a way to not emphasize profit overall.

02:16:50.000 I have no problem with profit as long as it's earned honestly and you're playing by the rules.

02:16:55.000 The problem is when you have companies that stack the deck, Of course.

02:17:00.000 And so how does that happen?

02:17:01.000 You've got to figure out how that happens and why it happened and then that's the way you change it.

02:17:06.000 Absolutely.

02:17:06.000 Figure out first how it happens.

02:17:07.000 It's just so transparent when something like this Monsanto thing comes up because all they're doing is keeping information.

02:17:15.000 That's all they're doing.

02:17:16.000 Exactly.

02:17:16.000 They should never be able to keep information because if you have a good product, like let's say you're selling oranges.

02:17:22.000 Well, you can prove, if you look at the data, that oranges are very rich in vitamin C. They have healthy fiber to them.

02:17:28.000 When you eat an orange with your lunch, it's probably a really healthy choice.

02:17:32.000 It's good for you.

02:17:33.000 And we have a lot of data to back that up.

02:17:35.000 So all the information on oranges is readily available.

02:17:39.000 You can go look it up.

02:17:40.000 You know why?

02:17:41.000 Because there's nothing bad there.

02:17:42.000 There's nothing bad. 0.99

02:17:43.000 It's a fucking orange, okay? 0.95

02:17:44.000 But when you start monkeying around with oranges, and, well, this is an orange that doesn't react badly to certain pesticides, and this is an orange that, you know, creates its own pesticide and kills off mosquitoes, or this is an orange that does... 0.99

02:17:56.000 And you don't tell me.

02:17:59.000 Okay, now we got a real problem, because that's not really an orange. 1.00

02:18:02.000 That's an orange that you fucked with. 0.99

02:18:04.000 And I don't know if you really know what's gonna happen with that orange. 1.00

02:18:08.000 If I eat one of these a day for the next 20 years, is that gonna rot my asshole out? 0.99

02:18:13.000 You know, what is going on? 1.00

02:18:14.000 Is it gonna erase my memory?

02:18:16.000 At least give me the information.

02:18:17.000 I want to know if it's got the gene of a jellyfish so it doesn't freeze.

02:18:21.000 I want to know that.

02:18:22.000 Exactly.

02:18:22.000 Show me everything.

02:18:23.000 Show me everything you've got.

02:18:25.000 Let me make my own choices.

02:18:26.000 You can't hide information.

02:18:28.000 And the idea that they would do that with our food, which is something that's...

02:18:30.000 We have a health crisis in this country, for sure, even though we have access to all of the information on the back of food.

02:18:38.000 All of the nutritional information is readily available in almost anything that we buy in a store, except for meats and things like that.

02:18:46.000 But when we do that, we still don't use it.

02:18:49.000 We still don't use that information.

02:18:50.000 And so many people are eating terrible food every day, and so many people are unhealthy and sick all the time, and they're essentially poisoning themselves.

02:18:57.000 So that's with information!

02:18:59.000 That's right. 1.00

02:19:00.000 That's with the fucking information! 1.00

02:19:01.000 With readily apparent bad things to eat, and people choose them. 1.00

02:19:08.000 You can't stop information.

02:19:11.000 You can't.

02:19:12.000 Because what you're doing is you're setting yourself up so that you can lie and protect people in power.

02:19:17.000 That's the only reason you should be doing it.

02:19:19.000 We already have a problem. 0.98

02:19:21.000 We already have a problem with people having shitty diets. 1.00

02:19:24.000 We already have a problem with this weird thing with humans where stuff that tastes amazing is fucking killing you. 1.00

02:19:30.000 Like, Krispy Kreme donuts are fucking delicious. 0.99

02:19:33.000 But that's like, toxin! 0.99

02:19:35.000 Those are like pure little sugar things.

02:19:38.000 If you go to a lot of parts of the country, like you and I do, travel a lot, there's not a lot of access to real good food.

02:19:43.000 There's access to different restaurant chains or there's access to just a bunch of fast food in some areas where you can't even get healthy food.

02:19:52.000 Supermarkets.

02:19:53.000 But even then, you get a tomato and it's pale. 1.00

02:19:56.000 It's this white fucking tomato. 0.99

02:19:58.000 They ripened it in a gas chamber. 1.00

02:19:59.000 That's why.

02:20:00.000 Not only that, it's the genetics of the thing have completely been altered so they can keep them on a truck for a week.

02:20:05.000 You know, it's sort of the same thing that they've done with raw milk.

02:20:09.000 And I know, and people that are screaming, you know, we've saved all these lives and people from raw milk.

02:20:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:20:17.000 They're going to die anyway. 0.92

02:20:18.000 Look, everyone's going to die. 0.99

02:20:19.000 You're going to die too.

02:20:20.000 That's not the point. 0.75

02:20:21.000 I get what you're saying.

02:20:22.000 I know it logically.

02:20:23.000 You're correct.

02:20:23.000 Ethically, you're correct.

02:20:25.000 Transparency.

02:20:25.000 You're talking about transparency.

02:20:27.000 No, I'm talking.

02:20:28.000 Not just about transparency.

02:20:30.000 I'm saying that too many people are telling too many people what is and isn't okay to do.

02:20:36.000 That's a real problem.

02:20:38.000 And I always say that the way we should have the law in this country is, could you imagine Clint Eastwood arresting you for it?

02:20:46.000 If he had a gun and he pointed it at you, could you imagine that Clint Eastwood would arrest you for it?

02:20:51.000 That's the Clint Eastwood principle.

02:20:52.000 Harry, you're growing hemp.

02:20:54.000 Could you imagine Dirty Harry where he breaks down hemp farms? 0.99

02:20:57.000 That's hilarious.

02:20:58.000 Oh, what are you going to do?

02:20:59.000 Are you going to make food and clothes? 1.00

02:21:00.000 The fuck you are. 1.00

02:21:01.000 Right. 1.00

02:21:01.000 Get in the squad car. 1.00

02:21:03.000 Right, right. 0.99

02:21:05.000 Anything other than that is a bullshit law. 1.00

02:21:07.000 Okay, I could imagine Dirty Harry arresting these cunts that are getting paid off by Monsanto. 1.00

02:21:13.000 I can imagine Dirty Harry catching some scotch-drinking asshole, you know, in his Senate room, you know, beating some hooker to death. 1.00

02:21:22.000 And he, you know, he walks in and he, you fuck, I got Monsanto, Drew, and you're a dead man. 1.00

02:21:28.000 You're a dead, and he shoots him. 1.00

02:21:29.000 You're a dead man, Callahan. 1.00

02:21:31.000 And you're happy. 1.00

02:21:33.000 You're happy that he shot the evil Monsanto guy.

02:21:35.000 Yeah, that seems like Clint Eastwood might want to step in on this one.

02:21:38.000 But could you see Clint Eastwood arresting you for having a roach in your car?

02:21:42.000 No, of course not. 0.95

02:21:43.000 He would maybe slap you. 1.00

02:21:45.000 Don't be stupid. 1.00

02:21:46.000 Don't be stupid, kid. 1.00

02:21:48.000 Michael Pollan says you can vote three times a day by what you put on your plate. 1.00

02:21:52.000 Fuck yeah, you can. 0.99

02:21:52.000 That's a good point. 0.99

02:21:53.000 Well, that's why I've been telling people, you know, one day, the stoners are going to unite. 0.99

02:21:58.000 Because there's a lot of bullshit out there. 0.99

02:22:00.000 You need to respect the stoner dollar. 0.99

02:22:02.000 I think the way of the future, though, is probably genetically modified foods, ultimately.

02:22:06.000 The way of the future is organic food.

02:22:07.000 I don't think we can feed enough people with organic food.

02:22:11.000 I don't know if that's true.

02:22:12.000 I don't believe it.

02:22:14.000 And I think as time goes on...

02:22:16.000 The origin of those thoughts is profit.

02:22:19.000 I do not believe that the origin of those thoughts is because we're really concerned with feeding people.

02:22:23.000 That's not something that you hear from the federal government.

02:22:29.000 That's not something that's taken into consideration when you look at how much money they spend on defense contractors. 0.97

02:22:34.000 Fucking billions and billions of dollars on a daily basis, on a yearly basis rather. 0.97

02:22:39.000 On defense contractors, how much they spend feeding people? 1.00

02:22:42.000 Fucking zero! 0.98

02:22:43.000 Okay, if they had the same resources that they put into the military and they put that into feeding people, they would be incredibly successful in feeding people. 0.99

02:22:52.000 So when they come along and say, we need genetically modified foods because we need to feed people.

02:22:56.000 They're not trying to feed people.

02:22:57.000 They're not talking about feed people.

02:22:58.000 They want profit.

02:23:00.000 That's true, but all food has been genetically modified.

02:23:02.000 All of it.

02:23:02.000 Everything we Well, there's a difference between selective breeding and growing and genetically modifying things.

02:23:08.000 They are changing things at the genetic level to give them resistance to pesticides. 0.99

02:23:15.000 They're doing a lot of shit. 0.99

02:23:16.000 But if the technology is out there like golden rice, which is very high in vitamin A, it's good for a lot of poor kids. 0.99

02:23:21.000 It's not a yes or a no.

02:23:23.000 Right.

02:23:23.000 It's not a yes or a no.

02:23:24.000 That's all I'm saying.

02:23:25.000 You're right.

02:23:26.000 I think that the rise of technology even in food is inevitable.

02:23:29.000 There's a good side to it and there can also be an evil side to it.

02:23:33.000 I think the question is transparency and knowing and seeing all the data and holding companies accountable and realizing that technology is not a bad thing.

02:23:44.000 It is a good thing.

02:23:45.000 We probably, if we have 80 million people on this planet and We're probably going to have to resort to genetically modified foods. 0.78

02:23:50.000 We already are in some parts of the world.

02:23:52.000 The question becomes, how do you do it responsibly and ethically?

02:23:55.000 The real issue is Paul Reiser's character from Aliens. 0.99

02:23:59.000 Because that cunty, sneaky, slimy guy who wanted to bring the alien back and use it as a biological weapon, that was what was wrong with that fucking movie. 0.99

02:24:09.000 That's what you call fucking full circle, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:24:12.000 And that's what's wrong with lobbyists. 0.98

02:24:14.000 That's what's wrong with people influencing.

02:24:17.000 The Congress to let something like this sneak through where frankenfoods can be in your diet and you're not even aware of it?

02:24:23.000 Sure, man.

02:24:24.000 That's right.

02:24:24.000 I mean, that's exactly right.

02:24:27.000 It becomes who you know, not what you're doing that matters.

02:24:30.000 Yeah, and even people who might say, well, you're ignorant as to the effect of genetically modified foods.

02:24:36.000 And you are absolutely right.

02:24:37.000 I have not read that much about genetically modified foods.

02:24:40.000 I have read both pro and con.

02:24:42.000 I have heard, like, Cara Santa Maria had some very good points about genetically modified foods.

02:24:47.000 And you have some very good points and I've seen like Penn Jillette had some very good points.

02:24:51.000 He and I had a discussion about genetically modified foods and I respect his opinion as well.

02:24:55.000 It is not that.

02:24:56.000 This isn't the argument.

02:24:57.000 The argument is about transparency and it's about the access to information and it's about someone who is supposed to be looking out for the interests of the people allowing people to withhold information.

02:25:09.000 You should never do that.

02:25:10.000 You should just never do that. 0.78

02:25:11.000 You should never allow someone who's selling something To withhold some weird shit that they're doing to it that might affect your health. 0.99

02:25:18.000 I want to know if the fucking food I'm eating has a jellyfish gene in it, etc. 0.99

02:25:23.000 I want to know that stuff. 1.00

02:25:24.000 Tell me everything you know.

02:25:25.000 And this is sort of semi-hempocritical coming from me because I'm in the supplement company.

02:25:30.000 I'm involved with the supplement company.

02:25:33.000 But you take the supplements yourself.

02:25:36.000 There's enough tangible data on the subject that I'm confident in the results and that I also have benefited.

02:25:42.000 I know that I've benefited from taking supplements.

02:25:45.000 I know that I've benefited. 0.95

02:25:46.000 I know that my health is pretty fucking good.

02:25:49.000 And I know also a lot of it has to do with diet. 0.77

02:25:52.000 A lot of it has to do with exercise.

02:25:53.000 A lot of it has to do with genetics.

02:25:54.000 No doubt about it.

02:25:55.000 But I am very confident.

02:25:56.000 I've gone through periods of...

02:25:58.000 I've even made experiments where I've backed off supplements and I get blood work done on a regular basis. 0.98

02:26:03.000 I'm pretty aware of what the fuck's going on.

02:26:05.000 And when my nutrients are all at a very high level, I function better. 0.97

02:26:09.000 I just do.

02:26:09.000 I know I do.

02:26:10.000 I have more energy.

02:26:10.000 I feel better.

02:26:11.000 And it's all done in conjunction.

02:26:13.000 But there's not enough...

02:26:15.000 If you look at...

02:26:20.000 The negative aspects that could possibly come from supplementation.

02:26:25.000 There's not really enough information about that.

02:26:28.000 How many vitamin D pills can you take before it makes you sick?

02:26:33.000 How many people take the wrong amount of this?

02:26:36.000 It's a real trial and error thing.

02:26:39.000 Doing blood work. 0.98

02:26:40.000 So I always encourage people, if you're interested in your health, you've got to know what the fuck is really going on in your body. 0.98

02:26:45.000 That's what Tim Ferriss says. 0.99

02:26:47.000 Get blood work done.

02:26:48.000 Yes!

02:26:48.000 Don't take guesses.

02:26:50.000 He found out he was low on, I think, myric acid.

02:26:52.000 That's why he takes coconut oil.

02:26:54.000 The only place you can find, I think it's called myric or mycelic acid, the only place you can find it is in sperm whale oil and coconut oil.

02:27:01.000 And I started taking it.

02:27:02.000 I gotta tell you, man, I take a teaspoon or a tablespoon in the morning.

02:27:06.000 Maybe it's psychological, but I feel better, man.

02:27:08.000 I feel better when I do things like the kale shakes, when I juice kale, when I take coconut oil.

02:27:14.000 It's 100%.

02:27:15.000 And I know that people are skeptical.

02:27:17.000 No sugar. 0.98

02:27:18.000 Maybe people are bullshitting.

02:27:20.000 Maybe this is just more a placebo effect.

02:27:22.000 Maybe this is...

02:27:23.000 Look, it makes sense.

02:27:24.000 Food's a drug, man.

02:27:25.000 Treat it like that.

02:27:25.000 It's not just that.

02:27:26.000 It's also, what exactly is your body?

02:27:30.000 Why does it need nutrients?

02:27:31.000 What is really going on?

02:27:32.000 What's some sort of a chemical process?

02:27:34.000 And it just stands to reason that the more building blocks it gets for repair, for killing – taking out anti-radicals or free radicals, for destroying free radicals in your system, For helping you strengthen your immune system.

02:27:53.000 All those different things.

02:27:54.000 It just only makes sense that if the machine has all it needs, it will function better.

02:27:59.000 Did Tim Ferriss tell you, I had him on the podcast and he said he went to the Blue Zone in Okinawa to see the one area where they live longer than anybody else?

02:28:08.000 Is it like a coral thing?

02:28:09.000 Nope.

02:28:09.000 He said he isolated.

02:28:11.000 He was interested in seeing what they don't do.

02:28:13.000 One thing, they don't eat rice.

02:28:14.000 They eat blue potatoes.

02:28:16.000 Ah.

02:28:16.000 Which was interesting.

02:28:17.000 Blue potatoes?

02:28:19.000 Yeah.

02:28:19.000 But he also said that, and I tried to guess what they were, but he said there are a couple things that they have that are very important for health.

02:28:27.000 One, they never retire. 0.99

02:28:28.000 And two, strong fucking communities. 1.00

02:28:31.000 And they always eat just enough. 1.00

02:28:34.000 There's a saying for it.

02:28:35.000 I eat just enough.

02:28:36.000 I never stuff. 0.85

02:28:37.000 But mainly, they think the two main things, and Malcolm Gladwell talks about this, community is fucking important for longevity.

02:28:45.000 It's very important.

02:28:45.000 Community and never retiring.

02:28:47.000 Being interested and involved in something is so important for your health.

02:28:50.000 And it seems metaphysical.

02:28:52.000 It doesn't seem physical.

02:28:54.000 Like this town, Rosetta.

02:28:57.000 Heart disease in the 50s in this country was epidemic.

02:29:00.000 They'd open up soldiers who were at 21 and a lot of their arteries were like 80% clogged.

02:29:05.000 It was epidemic.

02:29:07.000 They'd go to this place, Rosetta, which is this really tight Italian community in Pennsylvania.

02:29:12.000 They ate lard.

02:29:13.000 They were all overweight.

02:29:14.000 None of them were dying of heart disease.

02:29:15.000 They were all dying of old age.

02:29:16.000 Why?

02:29:17.000 The only thing they could isolate was the fact that they were such a tight, loving community.

02:29:21.000 Maybe they come from a really strong genetic stock.

02:29:24.000 They're all from the same part of Italy.

02:29:25.000 They took guys from Rosetta who went to other parts of the country.

02:29:28.000 They were dying of heart disease at the same rate. 0.99

02:29:30.000 But when they were in this fucking community, they had such a strong, tight bond within that community and so much support. 0.99

02:29:37.000 They were just happy people. 1.00

02:29:38.000 They were just happy people.

02:29:40.000 It totally makes sense.

02:29:41.000 There's a physical aspect of human interaction.

02:29:43.000 There's a reaction.

02:29:44.000 There's something happening and there's a need for it to the point where they punish people in prison by taking it away from them.

02:29:50.000 If you don't touch a baby when they're between zero and one, they will die.

02:29:54.000 It's called failure to thrive.

02:29:56.000 Hospitals have to have people come by and hold the babies. 1.00

02:29:59.000 They used to have in orphanages they put a baby and they wouldn't touch it because they didn't want to give it a disease.

02:30:04.000 When they did that, the baby would die.

02:30:06.000 It's called failure to thrive.

02:30:07.000 If you don't hold a baby for a certain amount of time during the day, they will die.

02:30:13.000 I completely believe that.

02:30:14.000 Totally makes sense.

02:30:16.000 We don't want to accept it as an actual tangible, measurable sort of a feeling or a thing.

02:30:23.000 But it's important.

02:30:25.000 Community is important.

02:30:26.000 You're not an island, man.

02:30:28.000 We need each other.

02:30:29.000 When I think of all the good times, and I think about, like, I was watching that hunting thing, that you and I go back so far, I thought, you feel so lucky when you have friends, that you have so many experiences with, like, you and I know each other so fucking well.

02:30:41.000 You know, so well, like, all the thorns and all, it's just such a, and watch, we've grown up together, you know?

02:30:47.000 Basically, yeah.

02:30:48.000 That kind of stuff is priceless.

02:30:51.000 Yeah, I mean, I've known you for almost 20 years now, dude.

02:30:53.000 20 years, brother.

02:30:54.000 It'll be 20 years next year.

02:30:55.000 20 years. 0.84

02:30:56.000 That's a long ass time. 0.98

02:30:57.000 I know. 0.99

02:30:58.000 You stop to think about how much crazy shit we've seen together. 0.98

02:31:00.000 Yeah, and you've saved me from making some crazy decisions too, dude. 0.98

02:31:04.000 Well, you know, you've saved me from going insane.

02:31:06.000 I mean, I remember meeting you.

02:31:08.000 I was like, oh, there's one out there.

02:31:10.000 There's someone out there I can hang with.

02:31:12.000 I grew up, you know, in a bunch of different places in this country, you know, from when I was a little kid and lived in San Francisco, then I lived in Florida.

02:31:20.000 But I spent, you know, all through my high school years, I spent, you know, in Boston.

02:31:26.000 And one of the things about Boston, like I lived in a suburb, Newton, is you met a lot of real guys. 0.93

02:31:31.000 There's a lot of guys who got up at 6 o'clock in the fucking morning and mowed lawns before they came to school. 0.98

02:31:37.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

02:31:37.000 I mean, there was, and there were men's men. 0.99

02:31:40.000 You know, there were actual men. 1.00

02:31:42.000 If someone talked some shit, they wanted to go punch him in the face. 0.99

02:31:45.000 It was like, and growing up around them, it was like, these were normal people that I could, if he told me a story, I knew that's what happened, or at least what he thinks had happened. 1.00

02:31:54.000 But I was getting mixed signals when I came to LA. I was like, oh my god, this is an insane asylum.

02:32:00.000 I was totally ready to go back to New York. 1.00

02:32:02.000 And if I didn't sign a fucking lease for my apartment, I thought my show was going to – that stupid baseball show. 1.00

02:32:07.000 I was an idiot. 1.00

02:32:08.000 I was 20-whatever years old. 1.00

02:32:09.000 I was going to be the greatest show ever.

02:32:11.000 I'm getting an apartment.

02:32:13.000 I can't fail.

02:32:14.000 And within, you know, four weeks, I knew it was doomed. 1.00

02:32:18.000 And I'm like, fuck, I got a fucking apartment. 1.00

02:32:20.000 I had an apartment for a year. 1.00

02:32:22.000 I wanted to get out of here. 0.95

02:32:23.000 I was like, this is filled with crazy people. 0.96

02:32:25.000 And it is, by the way.

02:32:26.000 But I slowly but surely accumulated a group of great friends.

02:32:31.000 It took forever.

02:32:32.000 It's like I had to slowly grab guys like you.

02:32:34.000 Okay, come this way.

02:32:35.000 And then go, here's Joey Diaz.

02:32:37.000 Look at this guy.

02:32:37.000 Oh, we got to get him.

02:32:38.000 Get in there.

02:32:39.000 It's really true.

02:32:40.000 I come to LA. My buddy said he was from New York and he showed up at a party and he goes to this party and there's this guy in a robe with his arm around two girls on a couch and he goes like this.

02:32:52.000 He goes, gentlemen, welcome to my place.

02:32:54.000 Make yourselves at home. 0.99

02:32:56.000 He was like, get me the fuck out of here right now. 1.00

02:32:59.000 How about I kick you in the face just for saying that and wearing a fucking robe, shithead. 1.00

02:33:03.000 That only works on here. 1.00

02:33:05.000 Try that in Boston or New York. 1.00

02:33:06.000 See how long you last with that shit. 1.00

02:33:08.000 Like, my buddy was rock climbing. 1.00

02:33:09.000 We were rock climbing.

02:33:10.000 My one buddy's from California.

02:33:11.000 He was being a smartass with him and telling him what to do.

02:33:14.000 And my buddy was a wrestler.

02:33:15.000 My buddy turned to him and goes, hey, you.

02:33:16.000 I don't know you. 1.00

02:33:17.000 You sure as fuck don't know me. 0.99

02:33:19.000 And that's the last time I hear you tell me to do anything. 0.99

02:33:22.000 And everybody got quiet. 0.99

02:33:23.000 And he And he was like, what the fuck? 1.00

02:33:25.000 The guy fucking threatened me. 1.00

02:33:26.000 I go, that's right, dude. 1.00

02:33:27.000 He threatened you physically because you're being a fucking disrespectful moron. 1.00

02:33:31.000 There are guys out there that'll punch you in the fucking face if you don't know how to behave. 1.00

02:33:34.000 There's a giant percentage of people who grow up on this coast that they don't know how to behave. 1.00

02:33:40.000 Never seen a fight.

02:33:41.000 Even if they have seen a fight.

02:33:42.000 They've seen a fight between someone like them and someone like them.

02:33:45.000 I'm not talking about Mexicans either. 0.91

02:33:46.000 No, no, no. 0.64

02:33:47.000 I'm talking about white guys.

02:33:47.000 No, I'm talking about white guys in Hollywood.

02:33:51.000 There's some tough... 1.00

02:33:53.000 I know a lot of Latino guys out here who are tough as shit. 1.00

02:33:56.000 That's a whole different culture, man. 0.99

02:33:57.000 Well, what you're talking about is actors.

02:33:59.000 Yeah, I'm talking about actors.

02:34:00.000 You're really talking about actors.

02:34:01.000 That's right.

02:34:01.000 It's nothing to do with white guys.

02:34:03.000 There's some tough ass fucking regular white dudes from California. 0.99

02:34:07.000 What you're talking about is actors. 0.99

02:34:08.000 That's probably right.

02:34:09.000 That's what it is.

02:34:10.000 They're loons. 1.00

02:34:11.000 They're fucking loons. 1.00

02:34:12.000 Loons. 1.00

02:34:12.000 And when I first met you, I was like, oh, this guy's doing it. 1.00

02:34:15.000 He's normal too.

02:34:16.000 Or you're not normal.

02:34:17.000 You're certainly not normal, but neither am I, or was I. Well, I was just honest about my interests, which were somewhat caveman.

02:34:22.000 We were both...

02:34:24.000 Dudes! 0.61

02:34:24.000 Like, we could talk. 0.61

02:34:25.000 We were two men.

02:34:26.000 I was like, oh my god, there's another man.

02:34:27.000 I could talk to this man.

02:34:28.000 You know, what's going on here?

02:34:29.000 I don't know.

02:34:30.000 There's this and there's that. 1.00

02:34:31.000 I'm like, what's with this fucking guy? 1.00

02:34:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:34:34.000 You know? 0.99

02:34:34.000 Look at these fucking people that were on the set with you just on MADtv. 0.99

02:34:38.000 We're EXHAUSTING! Exhausted! 1.00

02:34:42.000 Trying to be funny and clunky and talking about their career. 1.00

02:34:46.000 Shut the fuck up! 1.00

02:34:48.000 My God! 1.00

02:34:50.000 What kind of self-serving noise is coming out of that stupid head of yours? 1.00

02:34:54.000 Like, you don't even know that someone's listening to you. 1.00

02:34:57.000 You can't even have a conversation.

02:34:58.000 You're not even a person. 1.00

02:34:59.000 You're one of those weird fucking actor automatons. 1.00

02:35:02.000 I came to dinner one time and I had a hat on turned backwards. 1.00

02:35:07.000 I was fucking cool as shit. 0.99

02:35:09.000 I looked in the mirror like 50 times that day because I just had this new hat. 1.00

02:35:13.000 I fucking sit down at the dinner table. 0.98

02:35:14.000 My father looked at me and he just goes, how you doing? 1.00

02:35:17.000 I go, I'm good.

02:35:18.000 He goes, yeah.

02:35:20.000 I can't even do it with a straight face.

02:35:21.000 All he did is he goes...

02:35:22.000 Why are you wearing that hat?

02:35:25.000 I was like, I'm not anymore! 1.00

02:35:28.000 Just the way he said it, I was like, I'm an idiot. 0.99

02:35:31.000 But today, if you wanted to do it, you could pull it off. 1.00

02:35:34.000 Like, now you're a different man.

02:35:36.000 Now you're self-actualized, self-realized.

02:35:39.000 Now you could show up with a beret on.

02:35:41.000 I'm like, Father, you're missing a certain amount of sophistication and worldliness.

02:35:45.000 I torture him.

02:35:46.000 My generation.

02:35:46.000 I mean, I read books.

02:35:48.000 I'm wearing a beret. 1.00

02:35:49.000 It's like, you can't fuck with this. 1.00

02:35:50.000 And a scarf. 1.00

02:35:51.000 But you could laugh about that and it would be great.

02:35:53.000 Of course.

02:35:53.000 But if I was 21 and I was wearing a beret, I was serious.

02:35:57.000 I was really trying to wear a beret like a fucking asshole. 1.00

02:36:00.000 Like, what am I? You know what I mean? 1.00

02:36:02.000 Like, what are those green...

02:36:03.000 Not the...

02:36:04.000 What are those dudes that...

02:36:05.000 The guardian angels?

02:36:06.000 Remember that?

02:36:07.000 Do you remember that?

02:36:08.000 Dude, I remember being in Boston and they just made it to Boston.

02:36:13.000 They were in New York for a while and they just made it to Boston. 1.00

02:36:17.000 And the guy was walking around with his Guardian Angels t-shirt on and his beret on and he's walking and I look at him and I'm following him and I'm locking eyes and he looks at me and goes, fuck you. 1.00

02:36:28.000 He gave me the finger. 1.00

02:36:29.000 And I'm like, what?

02:36:30.000 I didn't even say anything.

02:36:31.000 I didn't even say anything. 1.00

02:36:32.000 And you are a fucking guardian angel? 1.00

02:36:34.000 Really? 1.00

02:36:35.000 And then the guy who was the head of it, who's like some radio DJ guy now, he like faked a rape.

02:36:43.000 He faked where he helped someone.

02:36:46.000 Oh no.

02:36:47.000 He got shot, you know.

02:36:49.000 Yeah, but there was something he faked.

02:36:50.000 Hold on, I'll pull it up.

02:36:51.000 I don't want to slander the young man.

02:36:54.000 Curtis Silva, I think his name is.

02:36:55.000 Yeah.

02:36:56.000 Fake story.

02:36:58.000 I think he got mugged and he started the... 1.00

02:37:01.000 Yeah, I think that was horse shit. 1.00

02:37:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:37:04.000 I think that might...

02:37:06.000 Okay.

02:37:06.000 Courtesy was History of Lies and Publicity Stunts Part 1. Ooh.

02:37:10.000 Oh, no.

02:37:11.000 That's not good.

02:37:13.000 Yeah.

02:37:14.000 Yeah.

02:37:17.000 He admitted to creating and perpetuating at least six hoaxes over the years between 1979 and 1980, according to the December 14, 1992 issue of People magazine.

02:37:27.000 Because that's, remember, when he got in trouble.

02:37:28.000 And the article, Silva recounts an October 1980 publicity stunt where he claimed he was kidnapped by New York City Transit Police and told... 1.00

02:37:43.000 Oh, he's a fucking scam artist. 0.99

02:37:48.000 You know, if you're a scam artist once, you're a scam artist forever. 1.00

02:37:51.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:37:53.000 You know, this is what he's doing. 1.00

02:37:56.000 I mean, I guess, can you bounce back from that?

02:37:58.000 Sure.

02:37:58.000 I'm going to try to do that with my stand-up.

02:38:00.000 Somehow I'm going to be like, I got arrested for making people laugh too much. 0.98

02:38:03.000 They were pulling people out on fucking, out on stretchers. 0.96

02:38:05.000 This guy would have to bounce back a long way though, man. 0.99

02:38:09.000 You know, he would bounce, he'd have to bounce back a long way.

02:38:12.000 Because this is, he's had another guy who worked with him, who claimed that he faked several incidents, including highly publicized rape of then wife Lisa Silwa.

02:38:23.000 Jesus!

02:38:24.000 Silwa, whatever it is.

02:38:25.000 And he faked that too.

02:38:28.000 Yeah.

02:38:29.000 Wow. 1.00

02:38:30.000 It's bullshit. 1.00

02:38:31.000 Well, they did lure him into a cabin. 1.00

02:38:32.000 They did shoot him, I think, in the legs or something.

02:38:34.000 Yeah, well, whatever it is.

02:38:36.000 I mean, who knows what happened?

02:38:37.000 He might have paid someone to do something crazy to him.

02:38:39.000 Who knows? 1.00

02:38:40.000 Maybe it was just, if you're doing this many bullshit publicity stunts, you're probably a really annoying guy. 1.00

02:38:45.000 Somebody eventually actually does want to shoot you. 1.00

02:38:47.000 Gets really annoyed at you. 1.00

02:38:50.000 Silly bitch. 1.00

02:38:50.000 But if I was wearing that beret, yeah. 1.00

02:38:52.000 Smack me. 0.95

02:38:53.000 If I was 21, smack me. 0.99

02:38:54.000 You're not allowed to wear a beret.

02:38:55.000 Yeah, even today I can't pull off a beret.

02:38:57.000 No, nobody can.

02:38:58.000 Nobody can pull off a beret!

02:39:00.000 Randy Couture can pull off a beret.

02:39:02.000 Unless you're a green beret or in the French Foreign Legion, then you can wear a beret.

02:39:06.000 Or a G.I. Joe.

02:39:07.000 Yeah, if you're G.I. Joe.

02:39:08.000 Even then.

02:39:09.000 Does the new G.I. Joe, does he have a beret?

02:39:11.000 I think one of the guys is probably like Falcon or something.

02:39:13.000 Berets if they're done well, like I went to Afghanistan. 1.00

02:39:15.000 Oh, he's turning his corner.

02:39:16.000 He came right back around.

02:39:17.000 Berets if they're done well.

02:39:18.000 If you've got a machine gun and you're in the French Foreign Legion or something, you can actually, you look pretty good. 0.78

02:39:25.000 Yeah, that is kind of, isn't that kind of funny that you're, like, if you're a killer, you're allowed to wear a beret?

02:39:29.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.95

02:39:30.000 Like, that's when you're allowed to wear the silliest hat ever. 0.94

02:39:32.000 That's right. 1.00

02:39:33.000 We want you to wear the silliest hat ever because you're our best killer. 1.00

02:39:35.000 Right. 0.99

02:39:36.000 Like, why not give him a cat-in-the-hat hat?

02:39:38.000 Imagine that?

02:39:38.000 Instead of the green berets, the cat in the hats.

02:39:42.000 They're so gangster, they don't give a fuck if you see their hats. 0.99

02:39:44.000 They're coming at you. 1.00

02:39:45.000 This is pretty funny.

02:39:46.000 Here's a screenshot of G.I. Joe 2. We got the characters, and then we got, Hi, guys, I'm wearing a beret here.

02:39:53.000 He doesn't look bad.

02:39:54.000 No, Brian keeps saying that he has a gay accent. 0.98

02:39:57.000 Brian, stop doing that voice. 1.00

02:40:00.000 It's so dumb. 1.00

02:40:01.000 It doesn't sound like him, and you can't keep repeating it. 0.99

02:40:04.000 It's not funny.

02:40:05.000 It's not true.

02:40:06.000 Nobody agreed with you.

02:40:07.000 People that agreed with you just wanted to talk to you.

02:40:10.000 They just wanted to reach out to you on the internet. 0.98

02:40:11.000 They're crazy, too. 0.94

02:40:13.000 That's a bad Dennis Quaid. 1.00

02:40:14.000 He doesn't sound gay.

02:40:15.000 All I said is, I think Dennis Quaid sounds like a South Park character.

02:40:20.000 Really?

02:40:20.000 Trey Parker doing a South Park character.

02:40:21.000 Well, what he did sound like in that movie you're talking about, The Day After Tomorrow, was totally fake.

02:40:27.000 That's absolutely true. 0.98

02:40:28.000 It was such a super fake movie that his acting sucked. 0.98

02:40:32.000 It was a terrible movie. 0.95

02:40:34.000 What's it called?

02:40:34.000 The Day After Tomorrow.

02:40:37.000 It would be impossible to do and not be ridiculous.

02:40:41.000 What have you seen that you loved besides Les Miserables? 0.96

02:40:43.000 Well, that I got injected. 1.00

02:40:45.000 I got Les Miserables injected into my asshole with a laser beam. 0.99

02:40:50.000 I wouldn't watch it on screen. 1.00

02:40:52.000 I want to experience it through my central nervous system asshole first. 0.99

02:40:57.000 I love musicals. 1.00

02:40:59.000 I came in my own mouth. 0.99

02:41:01.000 My cum, I opened my mouth and it was like a jet came out of my cock that was the exact shape of my mouth on the inside and it went in seamlessly. 1.00

02:41:13.000 It was an airtight gallon of cum that just like a wiffle ball bat expanded from the tip of my dick out in a fan, the shape of my mouth and went right in the hole. 1.00

02:41:26.000 You had to sit through a fucking musical one time. 1.00

02:41:29.000 I remember you told me, I go, what was it like? 0.99

02:41:31.000 He goes, it was a murderous attention on my...

02:41:32.000 A murderous assault on my attention span.

02:41:34.000 Murderous assault on my attention span.

02:41:35.000 Yeah, I had a friend that was in a musical, and we all went, and we watched the first half.

02:41:40.000 And then I was like, what do you guys think?

02:41:42.000 And they're like, well, I think she's doing a really great job.

02:41:45.000 I think it was awesome. 0.99

02:41:46.000 And I said, that was a fucking murderous assault on your attention span. 0.99

02:41:50.000 How dare you pretend you like that? 1.00

02:41:51.000 Nobody could possibly like that. 0.98

02:41:53.000 You're watching nonsense. 1.00

02:41:55.000 You're watching songs that suck for no reason. 1.00

02:41:58.000 Someone's singing songs for no reason and those songs are fucking terrible. 1.00

02:42:01.000 This shit doesn't make any sense. 1.00

02:42:03.000 You shut your mouth. 1.00

02:42:04.000 You shut your mouth. 0.87

02:42:04.000 You're not enjoying this. 0.87

02:42:05.000 Would it just be weird if I started singing now to tell you?

02:42:10.000 Joe, you're my friend.

02:42:14.000 And they drop their jaw. 1.00

02:42:16.000 So stupid. 1.00

02:42:17.000 I get embarrassed when I see those things. 1.00

02:42:19.000 Where all of a sudden the guy starts to sing.

02:42:22.000 Well, what about the time that you had an acting class?

02:42:24.000 Brian had an acting class once.

02:42:26.000 Oh, yes!

02:42:26.000 And it was in the...

02:42:27.000 Did I... Who did I... Oh, okay.

02:42:29.000 It was...

02:42:30.000 Brian had an acting class, and it was...

02:42:32.000 He had a...

02:42:33.000 The teacher was singing show tunes.

02:42:36.000 Yeah.

02:42:37.000 And Brian called me up, and he says, You have to come to this.

02:42:40.000 My teacher is going to sing show tunes, and he means it.

02:42:43.000 I knew you'd love it.

02:42:44.000 I knew you'd love it.

02:42:44.000 He means it.

02:42:45.000 So I went, I found Brian, and me and him just cuddled up like a couple of retards, like, Oh my goodness! 1.00

02:42:51.000 This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen! 0.98

02:42:54.000 It was great. 0.99

02:42:55.000 He was singing like...

02:42:56.000 You know, he was a guy.

02:42:59.000 He's a great guy, but he just loved show tunes. 0.99

02:43:01.000 Fucking loved them! 0.98

02:43:02.000 And very straight. 0.99

02:43:04.000 And I was so fascinated.

02:43:06.000 I was like, you love musicals!

02:43:07.000 He loved them!

02:43:08.000 You know I took a musical theater class.

02:43:11.000 You know that.

02:43:12.000 Did I ever tell you that?

02:43:12.000 Was that your teacher?

02:43:13.000 Was he the teacher?

02:43:14.000 Yes!

02:43:14.000 I was so obsessed with the whole idea.

02:43:17.000 I was like, I gotta see who loves this stuff.

02:43:19.000 I get obsessed with that stuff.

02:43:20.000 I love seeing the insanity, and I'll get involved in it, man!

02:43:24.000 I enjoyed it, man. 0.99

02:43:26.000 I enjoyed it for all the wrong reasons, but you and I had a great fucking time that night. 0.99

02:43:29.000 It was really a good laugh. 0.98

02:43:31.000 Yeah, he was great.

02:43:32.000 He I had the lyrics of one of his songs stuck in my head for so many years because it was so bad.

02:43:38.000 It was like...

02:43:39.000 Those show tunes.

02:43:40.000 May you have a drink when you are thirsty and need a drink.

02:43:44.000 Really literal songs on the nose.

02:43:46.000 Really bad.

02:43:48.000 But it was like one of those where it was like...

02:43:50.000 She's gone away on a train.

02:43:53.000 The sun is down.

02:43:56.000 May you have a hug when you need a hug.

02:43:59.000 We should do a musical.

02:44:00.000 Oh, no, we shouldn't.

02:44:01.000 Yes!

02:44:02.000 We're hunting now for tears.

02:44:05.000 I really enjoyed The Book of Mormon.

02:44:08.000 I didn't see that.

02:44:09.000 It was great.

02:44:10.000 It's great.

02:44:10.000 It's really good.

02:44:12.000 But I like their movies better.

02:44:13.000 How about that?

02:44:14.000 How about that?

02:44:15.000 Even the best case scenario when a bunch of people are singing.

02:44:18.000 It's not as fun.

02:44:19.000 I want to be a musical theater guy now.

02:44:20.000 South Park, the movie, is still to this day, I think, one of the greatest comedy specials or comedy movies that's ever been done.

02:44:28.000 I remember you called me after that.

02:44:28.000 You know I've never seen it.

02:44:29.000 Oh my god, that's so crazy.

02:44:31.000 Have you seen Team America?

02:44:32.000 Never.

02:44:33.000 Oh my god!

02:44:34.000 I have to, right?

02:44:35.000 What is wrong with you?

02:44:36.000 I'm gonna do that.

02:44:37.000 I'm gonna write that down right now. 0.97

02:44:39.000 And it was because it was so ridiculous. 0.96

02:44:43.000 And Team America was also a musical. 0.96

02:44:45.000 There was a lot of musical elements to it.

02:44:46.000 It was a little bit of music and then a lot of acting, sort of like, even like the Book of Mormon.

02:44:51.000 Isn't that the one where Sean Penn got really mad at them for making fun of...

02:44:55.000 Did he?

02:44:56.000 Yeah, of a lot of things.

02:44:57.000 Come on, Sean, you gotta take...

02:44:59.000 Oh, Sean.

02:44:59.000 He gets a little uptight.

02:45:00.000 He needs a hug. 1.00

02:45:01.000 Well, again, he's a fucking actor. 1.00

02:45:03.000 There's no getting around that, man. 1.00

02:45:04.000 The best actors, the coolest ones to hang out with are still not nearly as interesting as your average landscaper.

02:45:11.000 Right.

02:45:12.000 It's a fact.

02:45:12.000 That's why on my podcast I never have actors.

02:45:14.000 I always want to have other people, like somebody who writes a book, or a soldier, I don't know, somebody, a lawyer.

02:45:21.000 That's more interesting to me.

02:45:22.000 Yeah, I remember I was listening to an interview, and I think Brad Pitt's an awesome actor, no doubt about it.

02:45:27.000 But I was listening, it was on CNN, and I wasn't paying attention.

02:45:30.000 You don't care. 1.00

02:45:30.000 And I was like, who's this idiot that Larry King's talking to? 1.00

02:45:35.000 It doesn't mean he's good at making believe and that's what it is. 1.00

02:45:38.000 It doesn't mean he's got charisma.

02:45:40.000 He's great to look at.

02:45:41.000 It doesn't mean I'm going to listen to his point of view on life.

02:45:44.000 Also, I think the ability to transform yourself into another person like Daniel Day-Lewis.

02:45:57.000 Why?

02:45:58.000 A weirdo? 1.00

02:46:02.000 You mean because Daniel Day-Lewis lived in a fucking log cabin with no electricity through the whole time he shot Lincoln? 0.99

02:46:07.000 Hey, hey! 0.99

02:46:08.000 It's called acting, dude. 0.99

02:46:09.000 Meanwhile, it still sucked. 0.99

02:46:11.000 That's gotta suck. 1.00

02:46:12.000 When you do that, when you spend so much time, and you're still boring the fucking shit out of me. 1.00

02:46:17.000 The movie The Boxer. 0.99

02:46:18.000 He trained for three years to be a boxer for real.

02:46:19.000 He got good, and I watched it.

02:46:20.000 I was like, well, you could have done the movie without being a boxer, actually.

02:46:23.000 It wasn't that.

02:46:24.000 It wasn't, like, the deciding factor.

02:46:26.000 But it was to him, man.

02:46:27.000 It was to him, man.

02:46:28.000 He is that guy.

02:46:29.000 Christian Bale said it the best.

02:46:30.000 He said, why do you lose weight? 1.00

02:46:31.000 You put yourself through all this crazy shit. 0.99

02:46:33.000 He goes, you know why I do that stuff, dude? 1.00

02:46:35.000 I make believe I wear makeup for a living.

02:46:37.000 It doesn't make me feel like a man. 0.96

02:46:39.000 So I got to make it really fucking difficult on myself. 0.95

02:46:41.000 It was a great answer. 0.97

02:46:43.000 That dude needs a hug, too.

02:46:43.000 They all need hugs.

02:46:45.000 Marky Mark doesn't have that attitude.

02:46:46.000 Uh-uh.

02:46:48.000 You guys want attitude and you want to laugh?

02:46:51.000 You come to San Antonio Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

02:46:57.000 LOL! LOL, San Antonio! 0.69

02:47:00.000 And listen to the 10-Minute Podcast and Brian Callen Show.

02:47:02.000 I'm out! 1.00

02:47:03.000 Yeah, you dirty fucks. 1.00

02:47:05.000 That's a good way to end this thing. 1.00

02:47:06.000 Let's fucking wrap it up. 0.98

02:47:07.000 This Saturday night, I'll be in Indianapolis, Indiana, with young Tony Hinchcliffe, taking Tony out on the road, break his little comedy booty, break his cherry in. 0.99

02:47:18.000 What'd you say?

02:47:19.000 H plus H, Cliff plus E. What is that?

02:47:22.000 That's how you spell his last name. 0.98

02:47:23.000 Oh, silly. 0.95

02:47:25.000 So that's this Saturday night, Indianapolis, New Brunswick in New Jersey. 0.96

02:47:30.000 I'm pretty sure it's sold out.

02:47:31.000 And I think San Jose sold out too. 1.00

02:47:33.000 So suck it! 1.00

02:47:35.000 Joe Rogan! 1.00

02:47:36.000 The Joe Rogan experience! 1.00

02:47:37.000 Suck it! 1.00

02:47:39.000 That's my Walking Dead voice. 1.00

02:47:41.000 Every time I see you and then I see me, we could have been brothers.

02:47:45.000 Oh, easily.

02:47:45.000 Well, everybody in my house, by the way, my parents watched the Meat Eater episode.

02:47:49.000 They watched it because they were kind of freaked out about me killing a deer. 0.99

02:47:52.000 It was a little odd to see them watch us gut it with a hatchet, like chip open the fucking rib cage. 0.99

02:47:58.000 It was pretty intense stuff. 0.98

02:47:59.000 But they were like, you guys look like the closest to brothers you ever have.

02:48:03.000 Like, as you get older, you really look like brothers.

02:48:05.000 It's really interesting.

02:48:06.000 I kept like, I was like, is that Joe or that me?

02:48:08.000 That's strange.

02:48:09.000 I'm better looking, obviously.

02:48:10.000 Fun times.

02:48:10.000 A little sexier.

02:48:11.000 You're a little sexier. 1.00

02:48:12.000 Rogan.ting.com, bitches. 1.00

02:48:14.000 Go there. 1.00

02:48:15.000 Save yourself $25. 0.99

02:48:17.000 Put it in your mouth. 1.00

02:48:19.000 Put it in your mouth and rub its balls. 1.00

02:48:22.000 That doesn't make any sense. 1.00

02:48:23.000 I'm sorry, Ting.

02:48:24.000 You don't deserve that for your commercial.

02:48:26.000 Rogan.ting.com.

02:48:27.000 Go there and save yourself $25 off either a phone or service.

02:48:34.000 An excellent company that supports the podcast.

02:48:37.000 So please support them.

02:48:38.000 We're also brought to you by Squarespace.

02:48:41.000 And I think it is squarespace.com forward slash...

02:48:47.000 Joe, and I think the code is Joe3, right?

02:48:52.000 Joe4 now.

02:48:53.000 It's probably Joe4 now.

02:48:54.000 If 4 doesn't work, do Joe3.

02:48:55.000 Yeah.

02:48:56.000 Be creative. 1.00

02:48:57.000 If 4 doesn't work, just figure it out, you dirty fucks. 0.99

02:49:01.000 But go to Squarespace and support them. 0.98

02:49:03.000 Easy, easy website setup and awesome ability.

02:49:05.000 Look at this nice website I got.

02:49:07.000 Look at that.

02:49:07.000 I want Dolphin Butthole.

02:49:08.000 Put that shit together while this show is going on, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:49:12.000 Okay? 1.00

02:49:12.000 I mean, it's really that ridiculous. 1.00

02:49:14.000 And he probably will maintain it, too. 0.97

02:49:15.000 It's so easy.

02:49:16.000 Throw some pictures up there every now and then.

02:49:18.000 And only people who listen to this episode will know about this.

02:49:21.000 Register that.

02:49:22.000 Hurry, quickly. 0.91

02:49:23.000 Use Hover to register it.

02:49:24.000 I want DolphinButthole.com.

02:49:27.000 Don't get.org, because then you can't profit legally, I think.

02:49:30.000 I made that up.

02:49:30.000 Get.net.

02:49:31.000 Be clever.

02:49:32.000 Be different.

02:49:33.000 Be indie.

02:49:35.000 Go also to Squarespace.com forward slash Joe, right?

02:49:39.000 Is that what it is?

02:49:40.000 Did we figure it out?

02:49:41.000 Yeah.

02:49:42.000 Yeah, go there. 1.00

02:49:44.000 Go to Squarespace, you fucks. 1.00

02:49:46.000 Get yourself a goddamn website. 1.00

02:49:48.000 We're all out of the Chimp Kettlebells at Onnit.com, but we got more coming. 1.00

02:49:52.000 And like I said, a lot more cool shit headed your way. 0.99

02:49:55.000 And if you think of any cool shit that we need to have in the store, fucking let us know about it. 1.00

02:50:00.000 Dick pills? 1.00

02:50:01.000 Settle down, son. 0.97

02:50:02.000 Those gas station ones you can't sell legally over the internet.

02:50:06.000 Them Cialis Chinese mixtures. 0.95

02:50:08.000 That's sold from Canada.

02:50:09.000 Powerful Brian Callen.

02:50:12.000 Thank you for having me on, Joe Rogan.

02:50:13.000 Thank you for being on again.

02:50:15.000 You, sir, are awesome.

02:50:18.000 Not as awesome as you, my friend.

02:50:19.000 You are the awesomest ever, so it's impossible to be any more awesome.

02:50:22.000 So what you said makes no sense.

02:50:25.000 Powerful Brian Red Band.

02:50:27.000 Where are you at this weekend?

02:50:28.000 Cupcake?

02:50:28.000 Ice House Friday.

02:50:30.000 Powerful Ice House Friday.

02:50:32.000 Who's going to be there with you?

02:50:32.000 I don't know yet.

02:50:33.000 Powerful lineup though.

02:50:34.000 There's always really funny comics in town.

02:50:36.000 I mean, it's LA and Pasadena Ice House is the oldest comedy club in the country as far as I know.

02:50:41.000 Is it really?

02:50:41.000 Yeah, it's been around more than 50 years.

02:50:43.000 I like that little room and I like the big room.

02:50:44.000 Yeah, we just did the little room last Friday night. 0.91

02:50:47.000 It was fucking amazing. 0.77

02:50:48.000 Hey, we love the shit out of you people and we'll see you tomorrow with Douglas Rushkoff, a brilliant author and a really interesting guy and we're going to have some really cool conversation tomorrow with Douglas. 1.00

02:50:57.000 Google him if you don't know who the fuck he is. 0.99

02:50:59.000 What am I, your mom? 1.00

02:51:00.000 Suck it! 1.00

02:51:01.000 See you fucks tomorrow. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 01, 2013

Joe Rogan Experience #345 - Bryan Callen

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Transcript