The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #347 - Joey Diaz

00:00:03.000 Oh, you freak bitches. 1.00

00:00:05.000 We're back at it again. 1.00

00:00:07.000 Thank the baby Jesus.

00:00:08.000 Thank the baby Jesus. 0.99

00:00:10.000 Oh, look, my fucking volume's on. 0.99

00:00:12.000 Of course. 0.99

00:00:12.000 We've only been doing this for three years. 0.99

00:00:14.000 Through a laptop, some low-tech shit. 0.98

00:00:16.000 It's not like I'm looking at a circuit board that I don't understand. 1.00

00:00:19.000 It's a simple, stupid fucking mute button, and I never push it. 0.99

00:00:23.000 This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, that's a professional me. 1.00

00:00:27.000 That's like as professional as I get.

00:00:29.000 Sort of kind of like the fake professional voice, but not really.

00:00:33.000 We're brought to you by Ting. 0.82

00:00:34.000 I had a dude on my message board, or he was on the Mixed Martial Arts message board, that said that he went from a 90-something dollar Verizon bill to an $18 Ting bill with the same use.

00:00:46.000 If that's true, if that guy's true, and I'm paraphrasing the numbers, I don't remember the exact numbers, I should probably look it up.

00:00:52.000 I would say that he barely uses his phone if that's true.

00:00:56.000 Well, I don't know, man.

00:00:57.000 You know, you said it was the same use.

00:00:59.000 I don't know.

00:01:00.000 I don't know how much you would save.

00:01:01.000 But I know that I've gotten so much positive feedback about Ting.

00:01:05.000 And Joey's been a loyal Sprint customer forever.

00:01:08.000 Ting uses the Sprint backbone.

00:01:10.000 What Ting is, is it's a cell phone company.

00:01:13.000 What they do is essentially they buy cell phone time at a At Sprint.

00:01:19.000 And they sell it to you.

00:01:21.000 They sell it back to you.

00:01:22.000 But they do it with no contracts.

00:01:24.000 And they sell the coolest Android phones that they have. 0.98

00:01:27.000 Which, by the way, did you just see this new fucking thing that they're going to release? 0.97

00:01:31.000 The Facebook phone? 0.99

00:01:32.000 No.

00:01:33.000 Samsung's going to release something called the Galaxy Mega.

00:01:36.000 No. 0.99

00:01:37.000 Holy shit, dude. 0.99

00:01:38.000 It's six inches. 0.99

00:01:40.000 It's like, there's two versions of it.

00:01:42.000 There's a 5.8 inch and a 6.3 inch. 0.99

00:01:45.000 You're like, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

00:01:47.000 That's not a phone. 0.99

00:01:49.000 What am I going to do? 1.00

00:01:50.000 That's a half a Joey Diaz dick. 1.00

00:01:53.000 That wouldn't even fit in your pocket, will it? 1.00

00:01:54.000 I don't know.

00:01:55.000 It's nonsense.

00:01:57.000 That's a crazy thing. 0.65

00:01:58.000 I don't know what that is.

00:01:59.000 I don't know what that is.

00:02:00.000 That's some crossover world thing.

00:02:03.000 You have to have a man purse to carry that around. 0.99

00:02:06.000 Or a woman. 0.78

00:02:06.000 A woman would be excellent. 0.78

00:02:08.000 If I was a girl and I had a bag, you know, girls are allowed to carry purses, which is so awesome. 0.68

00:02:13.000 You know, that is one thing they've got us whipped with. 0.97

00:02:16.000 Society, not women, but society's got us whipped with this stupid idea that somehow or another a man's not allowed to carry a purse. 1.00

00:02:22.000 You know, back in the Robin Hood days, those motherfuckers had shoulder bags, okay? 1.00

00:02:26.000 You're allowed to wear a backpack. 1.00

00:02:28.000 I wear a backpack like I'm a fucking school kid. 1.00

00:02:32.000 Nobody gives me a hard time with it, but if I wear a fanny pack, they will look at me like some goddamn freak in nature. 0.99

00:02:39.000 I'll tell you folks, we gotta take back the fanny pack. 0.99

00:02:41.000 We gotta take back the fanny pack and maybe even introduce a fucking purse, huh? 1.00

00:02:45.000 How about them apples? 0.99

00:02:47.000 Get yourself a purse, boys. 1.00

00:02:49.000 Fuck it! 1.00

00:02:50.000 Yeah, you got a little man purse. 1.00

00:02:51.000 I like it.

00:02:52.000 There's nothing wrong with that, man.

00:02:54.000 The idea that there's something somehow or another feminine or weak about carrying around a bag is a perplexing aspect of this society, ladies and gentlemen.

00:03:05.000 It doesn't make any sense.

00:03:07.000 We are allowed to carry certain bags.

00:03:09.000 If you're carrying a military-style duffel bag, that's fine.

00:03:13.000 But you're not allowed to have a purse.

00:03:14.000 You can't go through the airport with a purse.

00:03:16.000 Dudes will laugh at you. 0.98

00:03:17.000 Dudes with backpacks carrying duffel bags will laugh at you if you've got a purse. 1.00

00:03:22.000 Look at this guy with his fucking purse. 1.00

00:03:24.000 What is that, a purse, bro? 1.00

00:03:26.000 You got a fucking purse? 1.00

00:03:27.000 What is the difference between a fucking purse and a backpack? 1.00

00:03:30.000 What's going on here? 1.00

00:03:32.000 Come on, man. 0.99

00:03:34.000 A duffel bag's okay and I can't have a fucking purse? 1.00

00:03:37.000 This is nonsense. 1.00

00:03:38.000 We have subjected ourselves to some nonsense that we just have accepted over the years.

00:03:42.000 And now it's become culture.

00:03:44.000 And Brian Redbank, God bless you for breaking the mold, young man.

00:03:47.000 God bless you.

00:03:48.000 That's where I keep my Xantax.

00:03:49.000 Keep your Xantax.

00:03:50.000 What is Xantax?

00:03:51.000 What is that?

00:03:52.000 From drinking too much heartburn medicine.

00:03:55.000 You take Harper and Madison?

00:03:56.000 Yeah.

00:03:57.000 Oh, dude. 1.00

00:03:59.000 You silly bitch. 1.00

00:04:01.000 Anyway, Ting. 1.00

00:04:02.000 What Ting does is it allows you to...

00:04:04.000 First of all, if you go to rogan.ting.com, you can save some money.

00:04:08.000 Save 25 bucks off their service.

00:04:09.000 But what they allow you to do is buy phones, the highest-end Android phones, and... 0.87

00:04:15.000 And put it on a network, the Sprint network, but cancel whatever the fuck you want. 0.83

00:04:20.000 It's yours. 0.98

00:04:20.000 It's your phone, too. 0.98

00:04:21.000 There's a lot of stupid shit that goes along with cell phone contracts. 0.99

00:04:26.000 And one big one is the fact that if you, you know, most people don't realize what kind of deal they're making when they make it, but when you cancel, if you cancel, you gotta pay them. 1.00

00:04:36.000 You can't just quit.

00:04:37.000 You owe them like hundreds of dollars. 1.00

00:04:39.000 It gets fucking stupid. 1.00

00:04:41.000 And if someone is in a position where $300 is like a make or break for the month for them, and you really want to get out of your, you know, ex-cell phone, you know, AT&T, whether it's Verizon, whatever it is, you've got to fucking pay them. 1.00

00:04:53.000 You didn't really get, the deal that you got is you're paying off that phone over a several year period.

00:05:00.000 Or, you know, over a certain amount of time period.

00:05:02.000 And they sort of add that to your bill.

00:05:04.000 So if you just decide to leave, you didn't really get that phone for $299.

00:05:08.000 You got a $700 phone for $299 because they worked it into your deal that you pay the rest of it over time.

00:05:14.000 So that's what's going on.

00:05:15.000 That's why you can't just cancel. 1.00

00:05:17.000 And things like, what kind of stupid shit is that? 1.00

00:05:19.000 Let's just cut that out of the equation. 1.00

00:05:20.000 That's nonsense.

00:05:22.000 That complicates things.

00:05:23.000 Let's also have it so people can share time.

00:05:26.000 And then Sprint...

00:05:27.000 One of the coolest things about using the Sprint network is...

00:05:30.000 It's not like Ting has its own little funky network that only works in like weird spots.

00:05:35.000 It's a huge network that works everywhere.

00:05:37.000 And the way Ting has it set up, if you don't use all of their bandwidth, if you don't use all of their time, they'll give you a credit on your unused service.

00:05:51.000 So if you use less than you thought you would, Ting drops you down and credit you the difference on your next bill.

00:05:58.000 It's beautiful.

00:05:59.000 I love it.

00:06:00.000 It's just a cool company.

00:06:01.000 I love the idea behind it.

00:06:03.000 It would suck if it turned out that they were actually evil.

00:06:06.000 And that they just... 0.98

00:06:07.000 They were like the most evil company ever.

00:06:09.000 They were just doing it really ethically.

00:06:12.000 They hate puppies or something. 1.00

00:06:13.000 Yeah, they're all fucking devil worshippers or some shit. 1.00

00:06:16.000 Oh, you're a devil worshipper. 1.00

00:06:17.000 I've seen the pictures. 0.99

00:06:18.000 You and your 666 and your tattoos.

00:06:20.000 Yeah, we gotta talk about that picture, huh? 1.00

00:06:22.000 People think I'm a real devil worshipper, these silly fucks. 1.00

00:06:25.000 I was at the goddamn... 1.00

00:06:26.000 Some Anton LaVey's thing. 0.98

00:06:28.000 We'll talk about it in the podcast.

00:06:29.000 We'll talk about it. 0.93

00:06:29.000 Pull the picture up and we'll talk about it because it's so ridiculous. 0.93

00:06:33.000 Anyway, Rogan.Tang.com.

00:06:35.000 Save yourself some money on a cool company.

00:06:38.000 I don't think there's any reason to have contracts anymore, folks.

00:06:42.000 Go there. 1.00

00:06:43.000 Get your shit on. 1.00

00:06:44.000 Get your freak on. 1.00

00:06:45.000 Or whatever.

00:06:46.000 Welcome to my show!

00:07:11.000 Some post office where you gotta wait in line. 0.99

00:07:14.000 Someone's gonna weigh your shit and box everything out. 1.00

00:07:16.000 It's a pain in the dick. 1.00

00:07:19.000 And it's not necessary. 0.99

00:07:21.000 And Stamps.com, you do it all.

00:07:24.000 They give you a scale.

00:07:26.000 They set you up.

00:07:27.000 You print out the postage on your computer.

00:07:31.000 I mean, it's a beautiful, seamless experience.

00:07:34.000 And Brian, you enjoy it, right?

00:07:35.000 Yeah, it's super easy, and it's just not going to the post office is the biggest thing, because going to the post office, I don't know how it is where you guys live, but in Burbank, it's like an hour just to get to the cashier, so you can give them your box of tons of stuff to send. 0.99

00:07:50.000 And it's a pain in the ass. 0.90

00:07:51.000 Here, you just print it out, and they have different ways to print it out. 0.98

00:07:54.000 They have the sticker kind, where you can print it on these stickers.

00:07:57.000 And the printout is just like it's a regular stamp.

00:07:59.000 Or you can just put your envelope in there and print it right on the envelope.

00:08:03.000 I can use this to UPS too.

00:08:04.000 Yeah.

00:08:05.000 No, no, not UPS. No, it's just the post office.

00:08:07.000 Fuck no! 1.00

00:08:08.000 You can send weed to UPS by the house! 1.00

00:08:10.000 You imagine that shit! 1.00

00:08:11.000 That's it! 1.00

00:08:12.000 You have to take it to the box!

00:08:13.000 Do you remember?

00:08:14.000 That's it.

00:08:14.000 They came out.

00:08:15.000 Everybody knows it. 1.00

00:08:16.000 They're the biggest drug dealer. 0.99

00:08:18.000 That's Mitch Hedberg's joke. 0.95

00:08:19.000 No, but that's a true story.

00:08:21.000 Now it's become... 0.98

00:08:22.000 That's how fucking insightful he was. 0.98

00:08:24.000 That's the truth. 0.98

00:08:25.000 How do you think they're getting all this weed?

00:08:27.000 Anywhere you go now, they got Cali weed.

00:08:29.000 It's not really Cali weed.

00:08:30.000 People that buy it, they got a good salesman.

00:08:32.000 I wonder if it's the same chance you're taking that you're taking with the post office.

00:08:36.000 Because the post office, if you're like a drug dealer and you send drugs through the mail, I think it's like a federal...

00:08:42.000 Oh yeah, it's a federal massive...

00:08:44.000 It's like the bong with Tommy Chung.

00:08:46.000 But is it the same with UPS? No, I don't think that.

00:08:49.000 I think UPS is a private company.

00:08:51.000 You're still doing something over state lines.

00:08:54.000 So you are still transporting.

00:08:56.000 Yeah, you're still going to jail.

00:08:58.000 Yeah, see, transporting across state lines is one issue, but then there's another issue I think is extending stuff through the post office. 1.00

00:09:05.000 They're like, listen, bitch, you fuck with us, will you make us a part of your deal of... 1.00

00:09:11.000 Bringing illegal shit places and we're the government? 1.00

00:09:14.000 You bold motherfucker! 1.00

00:09:16.000 No! 1.00

00:09:17.000 So they went after those people.

00:09:18.000 Here's the thing in California, I know for a fact.

00:09:21.000 If, let's say, you have a friend that calls you and says, Hey man, you know, we grew up together and everybody's out there in Cali whoop-whoop and listening to Rian, send me a bag of weed and a cookie.

00:09:30.000 And you do somebody a favor and get like a VHS box, put weed in there and send it to them.

00:09:35.000 It'll never get there.

00:09:36.000 Those mailmen, I've had friends that sent them, the box has gotten there, ripped open like a dog ate it.

00:09:44.000 Like it's gotten there with the address on the bottom.

00:09:47.000 I swear to God, and they've taken the weed right out of there. 0.98

00:09:50.000 They're savages. 0.99

00:09:51.000 They're savages. 0.99

00:09:51.000 And they just send it. 0.99

00:09:52.000 Like, what are you going to do about it?

00:09:53.000 Oh, that Hollywood post office on Wilcox, don't send nothing out of there. 1.00

00:09:56.000 You go in there, every Filipino's high is fucked in that place. 1.00

00:10:00.000 Everybody. 1.00

00:10:01.000 Everybody's fucked up. 1.00

00:10:02.000 The trucks are crooked. 1.00

00:10:03.000 Sure. 1.00

00:10:05.000 Because they eat my fucking edibles when I send them those cocksuckers. 1.00

00:10:09.000 Do they eat them? 1.00

00:10:10.000 They steal them all.

00:10:11.000 They steal them all.

00:10:13.000 I sent my...

00:10:14.000 This is no story.

00:10:15.000 This is no line.

00:10:16.000 We'll call the guy.

00:10:16.000 Allegedly.

00:10:17.000 I sent him a little bit of reefer and Eddie's book. 0.99

00:10:20.000 And he said the fucking thing got there a month later. 0.99

00:10:24.000 A month later. 0.99

00:10:25.000 I bought like the three days of delivery.

00:10:27.000 A month later, ripped open with Eddie's book in it and they took the weed.

00:10:31.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:10:33.000 Eddie's book got there.

00:10:36.000 You can't leave anything to government agencies, man.

00:10:39.000 I was at the TSA. Look, I never complained about the TSA. The bitch at the TSA in New York was the rudest person. 1.00

00:10:46.000 Like, the way she was communicating with people. 1.00

00:10:48.000 I ain't gonna do all that.

00:10:49.000 You gotta give that to this.

00:10:50.000 You gotta move that over there.

00:10:51.000 I'm using two lines here.

00:10:52.000 I'm doing two lines here.

00:10:54.000 JFK, yeah.

00:10:55.000 I was like, this is incredible.

00:10:56.000 I was like, and I go, you're being very hostile.

00:10:59.000 She goes, no, I'm not, but I can get hostile.

00:11:01.000 And I was like, wow.

00:11:02.000 I'm like, people really communicate like that just flippantly with people in public that are in positions like the TSA. The way she was communicating with people was just like so short and so curt with people and so shitty, just right off the bat. 0.96

00:11:16.000 As if someone was doing something to her by having her do her job. 1.00

00:11:20.000 That's some offensive shit, man. 0.99

00:11:23.000 When people get cunty with you just because their job sucks, like, I get your job sucks, but I'm friendly. 1.00

00:11:28.000 We could have a nice little smile at each other and walk about, you know, go through our time together. 0.70

00:11:34.000 It's not going to take any extra time.

00:11:36.000 She just got cunty just right away. 0.98

00:11:39.000 And there's a thing, man, there's a thing with people in New York.

00:11:42.000 That I noticed this weekend that I forgot about. 0.50

00:11:46.000 But there's that cuntiness, that curtness that people have sometimes. 0.80

00:11:49.000 They're real short with folks.

00:11:51.000 And folks are short with each other.

00:11:53.000 And I'm like, wow, that's interesting.

00:11:55.000 Because you know when that went away?

00:11:56.000 That went away after 9-11.

00:11:58.000 I remember always thinking that New York was like, there was like a certain hostility to New York that I didn't appreciate.

00:12:05.000 I thought it was an amazing, amazing, amazing city. 0.99

00:12:07.000 It's so fucking crazy. 0.97

00:12:08.000 It's beautiful, monolithic. 0.99

00:12:10.000 I mean, it's like more beautiful than the mountains, really.

00:12:13.000 It's created by man. 0.99

00:12:14.000 When that motherfucker's lit up at night, it's more beautiful than even the mountains themselves. 0.98

00:12:18.000 So I'm looking at it and I'm like, this is like really like one of the perfect creations by man as far as like one of the most amazing things that anyone's ever created and put on this earth. 0.98

00:12:28.000 New York City is one of them.

00:12:29.000 But you can't have that many people together.

00:12:32.000 They get tired of each other. 0.66

00:12:34.000 They get shitty with each other. 0.99

00:12:36.000 USPS needs a warrant to open their mail, but UPS can just open whatever the fuck they want. 0.99

00:12:41.000 Boom, son! 0.98

00:12:42.000 Supersede the government, we're contractors!

00:12:44.000 And the LA Post Office? 1.00

00:12:46.000 Those motherfuckers don't need nothing. 1.00

00:12:48.000 They just need to whiff it. 1.00

00:12:49.000 They need to see you at the window, and it moves the speed of light.

00:12:54.000 I guarantee there's somebody at the glass going, check that package.

00:12:57.000 Oh, here we go.

00:12:58.000 Look at his face. 0.99

00:12:59.000 Anyway, avoid all this bullshit by using Stamps.com. 0.99

00:13:01.000 Hey, get a free scale. 0.76

00:13:03.000 Get a free scale.

00:13:05.000 There's a microphone in the upper right-hand corner.

00:13:07.000 If you click on that microphone, you enter in the code JRE, and that code will take you to the Stamps.com website where you get a $110 offer.

00:13:17.000 And a free digital scale. 0.98

00:13:19.000 It's a very cool service, and again, like I said, if you order one of those Death Squad t-shirts, that's how they're coming to you, bitch. 1.00

00:13:26.000 It's new shit. 1.00

00:13:27.000 New shit. 1.00

00:13:28.000 Taking it to the next level. 1.00

00:13:29.000 Printing your shit at home. 1.00

00:13:30.000 Another interesting thing that the only people who do it are in Kennedy Airport, and I'm not angry. 1.00

00:13:36.000 I'm not saying this is bad.

00:13:37.000 It's too many people.

00:13:38.000 Don't let you, like, let's say me and Joe fly out.

00:13:41.000 For years, we flew out, we made it 15 minutes before the flight. 1.00

00:13:44.000 That shit don't work. 1.00

00:13:45.000 Don't work no more. 1.00

00:13:46.000 So you and I have said, fuck it, we gotta be there at 11, we'll be there at 10. We'll sit, we'll open up a computer, we'll eat, you know. 0.99

00:13:52.000 I went there and did that at Kennedy one day, and they're like, you can't go through security.

00:13:57.000 And I'm like, you can't be serious.

00:13:59.000 They're like, no.

00:13:59.000 You can't go until we tell you.

00:14:01.000 So they made me and Ari wait.

00:14:03.000 They made me and Ari wait there.

00:14:05.000 And finally I had the sleep apnea machine. 0.99

00:14:07.000 And I was fucking hungry. 0.98

00:14:08.000 And if I get up at 4 and it's 6 and I haven't eaten, my blood sugar goes fucking up and I get dizzy. 0.99

00:14:13.000 I get that thing that Dana was complaining about with his ear. 0.89

00:14:17.000 Meniere's disease, really?

00:14:18.000 I get this feeling like I gotta puke.

00:14:20.000 I went up to the lady and I go, listen, dog, I gotta go.

00:14:22.000 I gotta sleep.

00:14:22.000 That's the only reason they let me through.

00:14:24.000 Wow.

00:14:24.000 Because I had the machine.

00:14:25.000 They would have held me there.

00:14:26.000 And Ari was like, that's amazing.

00:14:28.000 I go, dog, because they know.

00:14:29.000 You know, I didn't eat. 0.99

00:14:31.000 I can't eat as soon as you fucking get up. 0.99

00:14:33.000 You gotta drink some water and move around. 0.99

00:14:34.000 So what, were they just hostiles?

00:14:36.000 Very.

00:14:37.000 Very.

00:14:38.000 That's why, as soon as you said that, I said Kennedy.

00:14:40.000 I said Kennedy. 0.99

00:14:41.000 I didn't even need to fucking know. 0.98

00:14:42.000 Newark's not like that. 0.98

00:14:43.000 And LaGuardia's, I have never had a problem in Newark.

00:14:46.000 LaGuardia, Newark, I had the problem the one time when I took the phone out.

00:14:49.000 Remember when we were landing and the German guy said to shut the phone off and he started yelling on the plane?

00:14:55.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:14:55.000 And then I went outside and the cop goes, I don't know, you know, you're on the away fucking team here. 0.98

00:14:59.000 This is the home team. 0.99

00:15:00.000 Right.

00:15:00.000 How dare you tell them to turn the phone on?

00:15:03.000 Newark, no, I never had a problem in Newark.

00:15:05.000 It was Kennedy.

00:15:06.000 And now you had it, and I've had it twice.

00:15:08.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty nice, man.

00:15:10.000 I try to be as nice as I can to people when I run into them.

00:15:14.000 If I'm talking face-to-face with someone, I'm going to try to be as nice as I can.

00:15:18.000 But there's certain times where you get... 0.99

00:15:21.000 confronted with cuntiness, with shittiness that people have, and you're just like, whoa, dude, you know, fucking relax. 0.99

00:15:27.000 I'm saying hello. 0.99

00:15:28.000 Especially in the morning.

00:15:28.000 I don't like this shit in the morning.

00:15:30.000 I tolerate it in the afternoon. 1.00

00:15:31.000 In the morning, I can't do it.

00:15:32.000 I'm like, we could do this with a couple sirs, and how you doing, brother, and everything would be fine, and we'll have a nice little conversation here, but you're just doing your job, and I'm just talking, and we're just, you know, we're just two people running into each other.

00:15:42.000 There's not conflict, you know?

00:15:44.000 And, like, there's people there that have this hostile attitude that are, like, making it a conflict.

00:15:48.000 Like, I'm not here for a conflict.

00:15:50.000 I'm here to say hello to people.

00:15:51.000 Look at my bag.

00:15:52.000 There's nothing in it.

00:15:53.000 You know, I'm just going to go to my destination.

00:15:55.000 Take care.

00:15:56.000 Nice meeting you.

00:15:56.000 Good seeing you.

00:15:57.000 And most of the time, that's what I get.

00:15:59.000 Especially with the x-ray people. 0.99

00:16:02.000 X-ray people are some of the coolest motherfuckers. 1.00

00:16:04.000 Coolest shit. 0.99

00:16:04.000 I run into those people, like the dudes that are working in security in those areas, they're always asking me UFC questions, they're always being friendly. 0.99

00:16:11.000 I don't see them being shitty with people.

00:16:12.000 I see a lot of them actually going out of their way to be nice to people.

00:16:15.000 So when I'm confronted with someone just being shitty right off the bat, I'm like, wow, that wasn't necessary.

00:16:21.000 That was totally unnecessary. 0.64

00:16:22.000 I've got to be honest with you, you and I and Red Band and this young man, we're blessed with whatever you want to call it, that we fly a lot.

00:16:30.000 But I know that the recent conditions after 9-11 have stopped a lot of regular people.

00:16:35.000 They don't like it no more.

00:16:36.000 Me, I gotta be honest with you, a couple weeks ago you had people on here, and I know you were with TSA, I had no problem with them.

00:16:42.000 I've had a problem with them at all!

00:16:44.000 It's not a matter of... 0.99

00:16:45.000 Either you go to them or your plane's gonna fucking blow up. 1.00

00:16:48.000 It's that fucking simple! 1.00

00:16:49.000 Okay? 0.98

00:16:50.000 And you know that we've met people that situations have happened. 0.99

00:16:53.000 They've gotten through the line and realized they had a fucking bazooka on their luggage. 0.99

00:16:58.000 You know, that always scares the shit out of me. 1.00

00:17:00.000 Bullets. 0.70

00:17:00.000 Yeah. 0.70

00:17:00.000 A friend of ours with the bullets. 0.70

00:17:02.000 You know, that happens.

00:17:03.000 But I have never had a confrontation with them.

00:17:06.000 No.

00:17:07.000 I've had confrontation.

00:17:07.000 You know, people on the line sometimes are the worst people.

00:17:11.000 Yeah.

00:17:11.000 They're real slow and you go, excuse me.

00:17:13.000 Like, that's my case. 0.99

00:17:14.000 Like, I had a problem in fucking somewhere in Vegas flying out one morning with some fucking guy that was 80. Like, fuck you. 1.00

00:17:20.000 Are you fucking serious? 1.00

00:17:23.000 But no, no, no, no. 0.99

00:17:24.000 I've never had a problem with those tears.

00:17:26.000 At all.

00:17:26.000 It's so weird.

00:17:28.000 I do everything as they tell me.

00:17:30.000 The belt comes off. 1.00

00:17:31.000 I take it out of the fucking case. 1.00

00:17:33.000 I take the tube. 1.00

00:17:35.000 I leave my vapor pen in.

00:17:36.000 I confuse them with that. 0.99

00:17:37.000 They don't know what the fuck that is. 0.99

00:17:39.000 That's a laser beam. 0.99

00:17:40.000 Yeah, that's a laser beam.

00:17:41.000 I've never had a problem with that.

00:17:43.000 But that particular, you know, you gotta go through it.

00:17:46.000 At JFK, you did. 0.98

00:17:48.000 Yeah, that sucks. 0.99

00:17:50.000 It's unfortunate. 0.98

00:17:50.000 I mean, it was only a couple of people, but it was just like, it was more than one. 0.98

00:17:53.000 I was like, wow, this is nuts.

00:17:55.000 I'm just trying to be nice, you know?

00:17:57.000 Would you ever move to New York?

00:17:58.000 I thought about it.

00:17:59.000 I would always think about it, yeah.

00:18:01.000 It's kind of an interesting situation.

00:18:03.000 We'll talk about it after we get done with... 1.00

00:18:05.000 Oh, fuck all the commercials, man. 1.00

00:18:06.000 I don't want to do any more commercials. 1.00

00:18:08.000 Onnit.com is the last one.

00:18:10.000 O-N-N-I-T. If you don't know what it is, go fuck yourself at this point, seriously. 1.00

00:18:16.000 Best commercial ever. 1.00

00:18:17.000 What it is, shit that's good for your brain and odd weightlifting equipment. 1.00

00:18:23.000 One of the coolest things that we have now is the chimp. 1.00

00:18:25.000 With the chimp kettlebell that has the expression, I like to describe the biting your dick off face. 1.00

00:18:31.000 So if you see that chimp kettlebell, that is the look that a chimp would have right as it's biting your dick off. 1.00

00:18:37.000 And think about that. 0.99

00:18:39.000 While you work out with it, it will give you some extra motivation and some extra strength.

00:18:44.000 Ed Esner after a horrible car fire.

00:18:47.000 Oh, dude, that's so rude. 0.99

00:18:49.000 That's a chimp, son. 1.00

00:18:50.000 The scariest fucking prime man in the planet. 1.00

00:18:53.000 We're just lucky they haven't figured out how to use guns yet. 1.00

00:18:56.000 These crazy fucks trying to keep these things alive. 1.00

00:18:59.000 Look at that mean-looking asshole. 1.00

00:19:02.000 Crazy smart asshole that can kill you with its hands. 1.00

00:19:04.000 Yeah, why don't we have more of those? 1.00

00:19:06.000 They should be just running through the streets.

00:19:07.000 Oh my God, what would we do without them?

00:19:09.000 What would we do without them?

00:19:10.000 We'd eat the bananas. 1.00

00:19:11.000 That's what the fuck we'd do. 1.00

00:19:12.000 What's wrong with you? 1.00

00:19:14.000 You see that fucking tiger up here yesterday? 1.00

00:19:16.000 What's that? 1.00

00:19:16.000 You see that tiger up here yesterday? 1.00

00:19:18.000 Oh, the mountain lion.

00:19:19.000 Yeah, in Glendale. 0.99

00:19:20.000 They fucking... 1.00

00:19:21.000 What? 1.00

00:19:21.000 Dude, there's a lot of mountain lions lately. 1.00

00:19:23.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

00:19:23.000 There's a lot of mountain lions. 1.00

00:19:26.000 Where was it in Glendale?

00:19:27.000 Right by New York Park.

00:19:29.000 What do they call it?

00:19:29.000 Manhattan Park.

00:19:30.000 I don't know what part of Glendale it was, but that's like... 1.00

00:19:32.000 Not an Armenian to be seen, that fuck. 1.00

00:19:34.000 That's the only way you get with an Armenian. 1.00

00:19:36.000 It was one of those fucking leopards. 1.00

00:19:38.000 Was this mountain lion in the back of a white car driving down the street? 1.00

00:19:41.000 No, in some...

00:19:42.000 You see him?

00:19:42.000 No, they shot it on a porch.

00:19:44.000 Oh, my God.

00:19:45.000 Looks like they shot it on someone's porch.

00:19:46.000 Oh, my God. 0.99

00:19:47.000 Yeah, that's why we need a mountain lion kettlebell, just so you're fucking working out like that thing's going after you. 0.99

00:19:54.000 Now how hard is it to domesticate a mountain lion? 0.98

00:19:56.000 Oh, it's impossible.

00:19:58.000 Even if you get them as a kitten?

00:19:59.000 Yeah, you never can really domesticate them.

00:20:01.000 They never really domesticate wild animals.

00:20:03.000 You train them, and there's a big difference.

00:20:05.000 It's like the dogs are dogs, man.

00:20:08.000 They've been dogs for so long, like my dogs.

00:20:12.000 They're super friendly dogs, man.

00:20:13.000 I never worry about them being mean to me.

00:20:15.000 I don't worry about weirdness.

00:20:16.000 I don't worry about them just flipping one day and ripping my throat out.

00:20:19.000 But with a lion or something like that, that can happen. 1.00

00:20:23.000 Mountain lions, you don't own them, bitch. 1.00

00:20:26.000 That is straight DNA killing. 1.00

00:20:30.000 Straight killing for millions and millions and millions of years. 0.58

00:20:35.000 Nothing but killing.

00:20:36.000 That's all it knows.

00:20:37.000 When I'm watching Diane Sawyer and I see a bear wrestling with a lion, is that real?

00:20:41.000 He could be. 0.99

00:20:42.000 Yeah, I mean, people have done shit like that. 0.99

00:20:43.000 Like a monkey choking the bear, like hitting him in the face with left jabs. 0.99

00:20:47.000 How does that They can do that. 0.70

00:20:49.000 How come I can't do this?

00:20:50.000 People train.

00:20:50.000 They train them.

00:20:51.000 You didn't see that one this week?

00:20:53.000 Somebody had that. 0.99

00:20:54.000 It was a mountain fucking bear. 0.99

00:20:56.000 Big, they say, Texas. 1.00

00:20:58.000 Texas something. 0.99

00:20:58.000 It was a leopard, a fucking bear, and then like a third wild, like something that was so obscure, like a beaver. 0.99

00:21:06.000 And they're all fighting to the death. 0.99

00:21:08.000 Like they're all playing and chasing a ball together.

00:21:10.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

00:21:12.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:21:15.000 We definitely need a mountain lion kettlebell. 1.00

00:21:18.000 We need a mountain lion. 0.95

00:21:19.000 They have mountain lion problems in California.

00:21:22.000 I told you I saw one in Santa Barbara last week.

00:21:25.000 How big?

00:21:25.000 It was big.

00:21:26.000 I mean, big enough to kill you. 1.00

00:21:27.000 For sure. 0.99

00:21:28.000 It was like coyote sized. 1.00

00:21:29.000 I shit my fucking pants. 1.00

00:21:30.000 It wasn't as big as, you know, like the big ones. 1.00

00:21:33.000 You know, they get up to like 200 pounds, I guess.

00:21:34.000 But it was probably like 70 or 80 pounds.

00:21:36.000 It looked like a coyote.

00:21:37.000 It was moving across the road.

00:21:39.000 And you know how coyotes are all like stiff?

00:21:42.000 But mountain lions are like bouncy.

00:21:44.000 They have like a bounce to them.

00:21:45.000 And I just assumed it was a coyote, because I see this wild animal running across the road.

00:21:48.000 But then I see its tail.

00:21:50.000 And then I put it together, because you're looking at it, you know, it's a flash glimpse as it runs across your headlights.

00:21:56.000 But it was probably about, you know, 70 pounds. 0.79

00:22:00.000 That'll kill you. 1.00

00:22:01.000 That'll fucking kill the shit out of you, man. 1.00

00:22:03.000 I'm gonna tell you what's killing motherfuckers, that snow in Colorado. 1.00

00:22:06.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:22:06.000 Isn't that crazy? 1.00

00:22:07.000 Again, what I tell you.

00:22:08.000 They take you into deep April sometimes.

00:22:11.000 And you're like, oh, that's why Jack Nicholson snapped.

00:22:13.000 That's why in that movie.

00:22:15.000 See, you could tolerate November and December.

00:22:18.000 That's all.

00:22:19.000 Yeah.

00:22:19.000 January.

00:22:20.000 January, yeah.

00:22:21.000 Jesus Christ.

00:22:22.000 And then February's cool, too.

00:22:24.000 But now you're out of the weeds.

00:22:25.000 You know, St. Paddy's Day. 1.00

00:22:27.000 You're like, fuck it. 1.00

00:22:27.000 Put away the boots. 1.00

00:22:28.000 March.

00:22:29.000 And they dumped.

00:22:29.000 How many inches have they gotten dumped?

00:22:31.000 I don't know.

00:22:31.000 It was a big blizzard, though.

00:22:33.000 40 inches?

00:22:34.000 So far for the month.

00:22:35.000 For the month in total, I'm talking about. 0.99

00:22:37.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:22:37.000 They just locked the airport Wednesday, didn't they? 1.00

00:22:39.000 Yeah, they didn't.

00:22:40.000 Come on now.

00:22:40.000 Pat Milicich was tweeting about getting stuck there recently.

00:22:43.000 Come on now.

00:22:44.000 That's why you can't.

00:22:45.000 That's a great place to live, bro. 0.99

00:22:47.000 But damn if you got to fly out. 1.00

00:22:48.000 Damn and damn April. 1.00

00:22:50.000 Fucking April. 1.00

00:22:51.000 You got the pool going. 1.00

00:22:52.000 Yeah.

00:22:53.000 The guy's over putting chlorine in.

00:22:54.000 And all of a sudden, and I've seen people with Facebooking pictures of lights with six or seven inches of snow on top of it.

00:23:02.000 The whole town white. 0.99

00:23:03.000 It's fucking April. 1.00

00:23:05.000 It's a different kind of living. 1.00

00:23:06.000 It's a different kind of living.

00:23:07.000 You're dealing with nature on a completely different level.

00:23:10.000 We're just so pussified here in California. 1.00

00:23:12.000 But we've got mountain lions, bitch. 1.00

00:23:14.000 We've got mountain lions and they're moving in. 0.99

00:23:16.000 There's been more of them.

00:23:17.000 I mean, come on.

00:23:17.000 This is not a one-time situation.

00:23:21.000 They shot one in Santa Monica last year.

00:23:23.000 And then you've got this one in Glendale.

00:23:25.000 They're moving into urban neighborhoods.

00:23:27.000 They found one in Santa Monica.

00:23:28.000 Last summer we had a new podcast.

00:23:30.000 We discussed it.

00:23:31.000 They found one in Agora recently.

00:23:33.000 Out near Agora.

00:23:35.000 They have.

00:23:35.000 They're seeing them all over the place.

00:23:37.000 Now, what is the reason why they're coming down into the cities?

00:23:40.000 Well, there's two things that's going on.

00:23:42.000 I mean, I don't want to be ignorant about this.

00:23:44.000 Steve Rennell will be on the podcast on Monday, the hunter from that meat-eater show, and he'll be able to explain to us a little bit better.

00:23:51.000 But I think there's been...

00:23:52.000 Play the music, man.

00:23:54.000 Let's do this actual podcast. 0.96

00:23:55.000 This is ridiculous. 0.55

00:23:56.000 Onnit.com. 0.97

00:23:57.000 Oh, N-N-I-T. Use a code named Rogan.

00:23:59.000 We haven't been doing a podcast?

00:24:00.000 No, we are, but we're not.

00:24:02.000 It's crazy.

00:24:03.000 The audio version, it's always a podcast. 1.00

00:24:11.000 I just realized I'm a slave to doing a podcast with that stupid song. 1.00

00:24:20.000 What the fucking difference does it make? 1.00

00:24:22.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:24:23.000 And now it's the podcast.

00:24:25.000 What am I doing?

00:24:25.000 What am I, crazy?

00:24:26.000 The podcast began a fucking half an hour ago. 1.00

00:24:29.000 We don't need to play that goddamn song. 1.00

00:24:32.000 The thing about Mountain Lions, Joey. 0.99

00:24:34.000 Joey Diaz here.

00:24:35.000 Joey Diaz is in the house, ladies and gentlemen, for the people.

00:24:37.000 We need to stop editing this thing, too. 0.98

00:24:39.000 Just fucking accept it. 1.00

00:24:41.000 Sirius can edit it, everybody else can go fuck themselves. 1.00

00:24:43.000 And that's really all that's happening, right? 0.96

00:24:45.000 It's just the Sirius that's editing the first part of the commercials out. 0.99

00:24:48.000 But during the commercials, sometimes the best shit we say, sorry. 0.88

00:24:51.000 So if you listen to this on Sirius, you gotta go to iTunes and get it. 0.98

00:24:55.000 Maybe we should just mix the commercials in. 0.90

00:24:56.000 Like in an hour, we'll just pull out a cell phone and be like, damn, look at this. 0.65

00:25:00.000 Mix it in like fake? 0.94

00:25:01.000 Hey, Brian, what is that cell phone you have in your hands?

00:25:05.000 Tell me about Ting!

00:25:06.000 We should just do it once for fun.

00:25:10.000 But the issue with the mountain lions when they're seeing more of them.

00:25:13.000 There's one of them that got tranquilized yesterday in Glendale.

00:25:17.000 We're talking about this.

00:25:18.000 I saw one last week in Santa Barbara.

00:25:22.000 And, of course, there was the big one in Santa Monica that they killed, which I think was about a year ago.

00:25:27.000 But they're not using dogs to hunt them anymore in California.

00:25:30.000 They changed the regulations.

00:25:32.000 And when you change the regulations, you're going to have more mountain lions.

00:25:36.000 It's still legal to hunt mountain lions because they're trying to keep the population under control.

00:25:40.000 But by not allowing hunters to use dogs...

00:25:43.000 Hunters say that's the most effective way to kill mountain lions and still incredibly difficult.

00:25:48.000 What kind of dogs?

00:25:49.000 They use hounds.

00:25:50.000 They use, you know, hunting dogs.

00:25:52.000 And these specially trained dogs are designed to go find mountain lions.

00:25:56.000 They find mountain lions and they tree them.

00:25:58.000 And then the hunter shoots him. 1.00

00:25:59.000 And that's almost the only way to catch these fucking things, okay? 1.00

00:26:02.000 Because they're in the woods, okay? 1.00

00:26:05.000 When you're talking about intelligence, like nature intelligence, they're way fucking smarter than you. 0.99

00:26:11.000 They're not going to get below you. 0.99

00:26:13.000 They're going to stay above you.

00:26:14.000 They know that it's harder to run uphill than it is downhill.

00:26:17.000 They have instinctual things. 0.99

00:26:20.000 That you as a city person that's wandering through the woods, you don't know what the fuck is going on. 0.90

00:26:25.000 You literally need dogs to find them because they're too fast. 1.00

00:26:29.000 They're going to hear you walking and they're going to be like, bitch, get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:26:32.000 They're cats. 1.00

00:26:33.000 They're big, giant cats that are living in the woods.

00:26:36.000 We have this weird attachment to certain aspects of what should and shouldn't be legal when it comes to managing the wildlife around us. 0.95

00:26:45.000 But you've got to be really fucking careful about allowing predators to take hold.

00:26:51.000 I mean, you've got to be really careful. 0.98

00:26:52.000 Because right now, we're fine. 0.98

00:26:56.000 The balance can shift, and you start getting to an Australia crocodile situation, where this place is in Australia, you can't fucking go. 0.99

00:27:03.000 Because if you go, you will get eaten by crocodiles. 0.99

00:27:06.000 Like, they will come, and they will fucking get you. 1.00

00:27:08.000 And there's too many of them. 0.99

00:27:10.000 And, you know, there's areas of the water.

00:27:12.000 You can't go there.

00:27:12.000 If you go there, you're going to get got.

00:27:15.000 It's just going to happen.

00:27:16.000 I don't find that acceptable.

00:27:19.000 I just don't find that acceptable. 0.98

00:27:20.000 I think the idea behind it is ridiculous.

00:27:23.000 90% of everything that's ever existed is extinct. 0.99

00:27:26.000 90 fucking percent. 0.99

00:27:27.000 I don't think there'd be any problem with getting rid of crocodiles. 0.99

00:27:30.000 I mean, it would be kind of cool to keep them around and look at, but if it had to do with, like, crocodiles overpopulating and starting to fucking kill people... 0.98

00:27:40.000 You can't think about them as being like one of us. 0.92

00:27:43.000 You can't think about them as being like, they're a part of nature. 0.61

00:27:45.000 No, that's a monster.

00:27:46.000 That's Godzilla. 0.94

00:27:48.000 Mountain lions, that's the wolfman. 1.00

00:27:50.000 You might as well get, I mean, if a mountain lion gets you or the wolfman gets you, it's the same shit. 1.00

00:27:54.000 You just got God. 1.00

00:27:55.000 Night-night. 1.00

00:27:55.000 Night-night, bitch. 1.00

00:27:57.000 Night-night. 1.00

00:27:57.000 One of those big cats gets you? 1.00

00:27:59.000 Dude, shit, fuck. 1.00

00:28:01.000 Why? 1.00

00:28:02.000 Jesus! 1.00

00:28:03.000 That's a monster. 1.00

00:28:04.000 That's a goddamn monster. 1.00

00:28:06.000 It's a mountain lion and we are working so hard to conserve and protect. 1.00

00:28:10.000 These killers, these things that need to kill every day, these monsters that run faster than us, jump higher than us, and only kill things with their face. 0.96

00:28:19.000 That's all they do. 1.00

00:28:22.000 And they can kill you. 0.99

00:28:24.000 And even if you have a knife, they could still probably kill you. 1.00

00:28:26.000 Even if you have two knives. 1.00

00:28:29.000 They'll probably kill you. 0.95

00:28:29.000 Even if you're trained. 0.95

00:28:31.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:28:32.000 Probably kill you. 1.00

00:28:33.000 That first lunge that they go at you, you're done. 1.00

00:28:35.000 That rips you.

00:28:36.000 That rips a limb. 0.80

00:28:38.000 What do you call that vein that starts bleeding?

00:28:41.000 Carotid artery.

00:28:42.000 And they hit it from every angle.

00:28:43.000 The jugular vein.

00:28:44.000 They'll hit it from every angle.

00:28:45.000 The way they swat at you, they'll get something.

00:28:47.000 You're done.

00:28:48.000 You're done.

00:28:49.000 You're done.

00:28:50.000 And I'll tell you what.

00:28:51.000 Listen, man.

00:28:52.000 You know what the biggest animal I ever saw in Boulder was?

00:28:54.000 What?

00:28:55.000 A snake.

00:28:56.000 Really?

00:28:56.000 Right off Lee Hill Road.

00:28:57.000 I never seen nothing like that. 1.00

00:28:58.000 One of those yellow motherfuckers coiled like this stick. 1.00

00:29:01.000 What kind of snake was it? 1.00

00:29:02.000 I stopped and asked him.

00:29:04.000 You know, I asked him where he was from, how long you been in such a...

00:29:07.000 You think it was like a python or something? 0.99

00:29:10.000 I almost fucking died. 0.99

00:29:10.000 Someone's like pet that they let out? 0.99

00:29:12.000 I don't know.

00:29:13.000 Most likely, right? 1.00

00:29:14.000 It was on my father-in-law's property and I was like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:29:17.000 We had to pull over and... 0.99

00:29:18.000 Apparently that's a thing they have a real issue with in Florida. 0.99

00:29:21.000 People just take pythons and they're like, this thing's too big, fuck this. 0.99

00:29:24.000 They just throw it out the door. 1.00

00:29:25.000 That's it. 1.00

00:29:26.000 Fucking, and you know it's white people, by the way. 1.00

00:29:28.000 Yes, no, no, no. 1.00

00:29:28.000 It's crazy white people in Florida. 1.00

00:29:31.000 Man, I got me a python. 1.00

00:29:32.000 You want to see it eat a rabbit?

00:29:34.000 Come on, feed my snake a rabbit. 1.00

00:29:37.000 And then all of a sudden you realize, well, you got a rabbit-eating monster living in your house.

00:29:40.000 And then one day it wraps around your arm and won't let go.

00:29:43.000 And you're like, alright, I gotta get rid of this thing.

00:29:44.000 It's 18 feet long. 1.00

00:29:46.000 So you take it out to the fucking swamp and just go, go, be free, my friend. 1.00

00:29:50.000 I didn't want to take it and kill it. 1.00

00:29:52.000 I mean, I knew it was thinking about killing me, but it's my pet.

00:29:55.000 I had a connection to it.

00:29:57.000 So I just let it loose in the swamp.

00:29:59.000 I saw a homeless person walking down the street with a snake around his neck.

00:30:02.000 Like a big one, too.

00:30:03.000 It was like that was his pet.

00:30:05.000 A homeless guy with a snake.

00:30:06.000 Scariest thing ever.

00:30:07.000 Yeah, reptiles are weird, man. 0.99

00:30:10.000 There's a weird thing with reptiles because they don't give a fuck about you. 0.99

00:30:16.000 They never give a fuck about you. 0.99

00:30:18.000 They're just conditioned to maybe do or not bite you. 0.99

00:30:22.000 To bite you or not bite you?

00:30:24.000 Hmm.

00:30:24.000 What should I do?

00:30:26.000 They have to think about it. 1.00

00:30:27.000 But they might just decide to fucking bite you. 0.99

00:30:29.000 But if you feed them, and if you keep feeding them, you stay with them, and you become this connection to food for them, they'll accept you. 0.99

00:30:37.000 But if you die, they're not going to cry. 0.99

00:30:39.000 They don't give a flying fuck about you. 0.99

00:30:41.000 And if they were hungry, and they thought they could eat you, of course they would eat you. 1.00

00:30:45.000 It doesn't matter.

00:30:47.000 Doesn't matter how long you've been feeding them. 1.00

00:30:48.000 You've got a 20-foot-long python in your house, bitch. 1.00

00:30:51.000 You're living in his house, okay? 1.00

00:30:53.000 Well, you are his little slave, and you are bringing him offerings. 0.83

00:30:58.000 That's King Kong. 1.00

00:30:59.000 That thing is tied to a fucking pole. 1.00

00:31:01.000 That's a monster. 1.00

00:31:02.000 And as long as you keep feeding it, maybe it'll let you come close. 0.65

00:31:05.000 I mean, maybe.

00:31:06.000 What do you got in your backyard?

00:31:07.000 What are you doing there? 1.00

00:31:08.000 You got a little cage back there, you crazy fuck? 1.00

00:31:13.000 So they can't even kill him, man. 1.00

00:31:15.000 I can't go to somebody's house and see him give like a white fucking mouse to... 1.00

00:31:19.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:31:19.000 Especially when I'm high, my fucking... 1.00

00:31:21.000 Oh yeah, it's weird. 1.00

00:31:21.000 I've seen it. 1.00

00:31:22.000 I've seen people say, come over and let me show you.

00:31:24.000 Oh yeah, I've seen it.

00:31:24.000 And I had a friend, that's why I don't like it.

00:31:26.000 But man, that's fucking creeped out for me. 0.68

00:31:29.000 I don't know. 0.98

00:31:29.000 It's completely creeped out. 0.98

00:31:30.000 I don't know.

00:31:31.000 They're terrifying animals. 1.00

00:31:33.000 And those motherfuckers who wear the snakes, walk outside with the snakes around their head, it's those motherfuckers and people with a bird on their shoulder, which makes me want to snap. 1.00

00:31:41.000 You understand me? 1.00

00:31:43.000 Especially like a parakeet or something on your shoulder.

00:31:45.000 Yes. 0.99

00:31:46.000 And I sit there and I get so high sometimes, I can see a fucking eagle just dip. 0.99

00:31:51.000 You never see that. 0.99

00:31:52.000 I would love to see something like that. 1.00

00:31:54.000 Like some jerk off doing magic tricks with a fucking parakeet on his shoulder. 1.00

00:31:58.000 And all of a sudden, one of those fucking birds that just comes swooping on you takes your fucking bird and the fucking ear off. 1.00

00:32:04.000 There's a great video of a hawk that comes into an eagle's nest to try to get the eagle's babies. 1.00

00:32:13.000 And the eagle just goes, Bitch! 1.00

00:32:16.000 Wham! 1.00

00:32:16.000 Grabs it and eats it and starts feeding it to the babies. 1.00

00:32:20.000 Wow. 1.00

00:32:20.000 It's fucking crazy. 1.00

00:32:22.000 An eagle just flies into this hawk's, or a hawk rather, just flies into this eagle's nest. 0.99

00:32:28.000 Wow.

00:32:29.000 It's crazy.

00:32:30.000 I know that there was a guy on...

00:32:32.000 Here it goes.

00:32:32.000 Look at this.

00:32:33.000 Watch this.

00:32:33.000 This eagle's just chilling, covering its babies, and this hawk is like, come here, give me your babies.

00:32:39.000 And the eagle's just like, bitch! 1.00

00:32:41.000 Don't you know this is America! 1.00

00:32:42.000 Kills it on top of his babies. 1.00

00:32:44.000 Look at this. 1.00

00:32:46.000 Or her babies, rather.

00:32:48.000 I'm sure that's a mama, right?

00:32:50.000 Only the mamas are the ones who guard the nest, I believe. 0.90

00:32:55.000 I don't know, though. 0.95

00:32:56.000 But look, he fucks up that hawk and eats it. 0.95

00:32:59.000 That's great.

00:33:00.000 Yeah, they caught that on an eagle camera because they have a nest camera to moderate these birds.

00:33:05.000 But what a creepy world.

00:33:07.000 So the eagle is the meanest one? 1.00

00:33:08.000 Oh, they're the baddest motherfuckers. 1.00

00:33:10.000 Okay, so do they have those in Hollywood? 1.00

00:33:11.000 Did you ever see?

00:33:12.000 No, no, no, no.

00:33:13.000 So what's in Hollywood, my friend?

00:33:14.000 Hawks.

00:33:15.000 Hawks.

00:33:15.000 Okay, the hawk, he has on Vista, right next to all those streets where we used to hang Curzon and El Compadre, him and his wife put cameras, because they would wake up in the morning and see Dead Pigeons or something, and they couldn't figure out what it was, and one day they got a...

00:33:30.000 Keith! 0.98

00:33:32.000 The guy who got a picture of a fucking... 1.00

00:33:35.000 Pigeon landing, and then this thing coming behind it, grabbing it, and ripping its fucking head off like a monster. 1.00

00:33:42.000 Just ripped his head off and started eating it without the fucking head right there on Vista, on Sunset. 0.99

00:33:46.000 I went to the Museum of Natural History. 1.00

00:33:48.000 Tremendous.

00:33:48.000 And that's where you get to see.

00:33:50.000 It's amazing, amazing.

00:33:51.000 That one piece with the thing hanging the whale on top, it's still there.

00:33:54.000 The dinosaurs alone, the gigantic skeletons they have, it's an incredible place.

00:34:00.000 It's incredible.

00:34:01.000 But they show the transition between a dinosaur and bird.

00:34:05.000 And, you know, that's a dinosaur.

00:34:08.000 Like, they explain the whole thing.

00:34:09.000 Like, the dinosaurs that survived became birds. 0.61

00:34:13.000 When you see an eagle, that crazy, cunty monster that represents our country, like, what a perfect thing to represent our country.

00:34:21.000 Like, I always thought the eagle's proud, the eagle's bold. 0.95

00:34:24.000 The eagle is a cunty monster from the past that somehow or another has managed to stay alive. 0.99

00:34:29.000 And as long as you keep giving it birds, it'll let you fucking hold it. 0.99

00:34:34.000 The only thing about eagles is they're not quite big enough to kill us. 0.99

00:34:39.000 They're not quite big enough. 1.00

00:34:41.000 I'll kill an eagle, man. 1.00

00:34:43.000 I'll probably get fucked up a little bit. 1.00

00:34:44.000 I'll get scratched up a bit. 1.00

00:34:46.000 But if I get a hold of an eagle, I'm going to kill that fucking thing. 1.00

00:34:48.000 Don't take the finger off, right? 1.00

00:34:49.000 Yeah, it'll probably fuck me up pretty bad. 0.99

00:34:51.000 I'll probably be cut up pretty hard. 0.98

00:34:52.000 But I'm going to win. 1.00

00:34:53.000 I'm going to kill that fucking eagle. 1.00

00:34:55.000 And he knows it. 1.00

00:34:56.000 He knows it. 1.00

00:34:57.000 He looks at it and goes, damn, I wish I could kill you, but you're just a little too big. 1.00

00:35:01.000 Because an eagle's only like 50 pounds or something, right? 1.00

00:35:03.000 You know, they look, I mean, they're pretty fucking scary. 0.99

00:35:05.000 And like I said, they will fucking hurt you. 0.99

00:35:07.000 But most likely, they're not going to be able to take you out. 1.00

00:35:10.000 But they've tried to pick up kids and shit. 0.99

00:35:12.000 Eagles have picked up little boys before them. 1.00

00:35:15.000 Tried to fly off with him.

00:35:16.000 As a matter of fact, there's a video of an eagle picking up a kid.

00:35:18.000 That's a fake video, though.

00:35:19.000 Is it a fake video?

00:35:20.000 Yeah, that was a bunch of students. 1.00

00:35:22.000 They're sons of bitches. 1.00

00:35:23.000 You're talking about a son of a dude who's scared of chickens. 1.00

00:35:24.000 They got me.

00:35:24.000 Great video, though.

00:35:25.000 Like, I see a chicken dog and I panic.

00:35:27.000 Like, I'm scared of chickens. 0.99

00:35:28.000 When I see chickens moving, I fucking panic. 1.00

00:35:31.000 I don't like that shit at all. 1.00

00:35:32.000 I could go into one of those butcher shops and have these animals, those Italian, like Mario Lozano in the East Coast. 1.00

00:35:38.000 You ever go to those places where your mom goes in Newark, and they have the fucking Italian butcher? 0.99

00:35:43.000 Right, right. 0.99

00:35:44.000 And you go in there, they have, like, everything.

00:35:45.000 Like, all those birds.

00:35:46.000 What's the bird?

00:35:47.000 Quail.

00:35:47.000 Right.

00:35:48.000 Then they'll have, like, a chicken and the other thing.

00:35:51.000 Then they get exotic.

00:35:52.000 Wow.

00:35:53.000 Eagle?

00:35:54.000 Do they serve eagle?

00:35:54.000 Depends where you go, you know what I'm saying?

00:35:56.000 Depends who you know. 0.99

00:35:57.000 I know people are into eating shit like eagles, dude. 0.99

00:36:00.000 But this is the place where you could stick your hand in, and the guy would take the chicken out and break its neck, and you cut it, and then your mother brings it home for... 0.99

00:36:08.000 So you can get pheasants, maybe? 1.00

00:36:09.000 Yeah, they got all that shit. 0.99

00:36:10.000 I mean, in the old days, they probably had polar bears. 1.00

00:36:12.000 They don't give a fuck. 0.99

00:36:13.000 They had everything. 1.00

00:36:14.000 Those Italians said, what are you going to eat? 1.00

00:36:16.000 I need an alligator?

00:36:17.000 We got it.

00:36:18.000 Just give me 15 minutes.

00:36:19.000 Well, apparently there's a company that will serve you like lion steaks.

00:36:22.000 Yeah, there's everything.

00:36:24.000 They'll sell you some sort of exotic game meat company.

00:36:27.000 They'll sell you lion. 0.88

00:36:29.000 You can eat lion. 1.00

00:36:30.000 And Colorado is known for that shit. 1.00

00:36:32.000 Restaurants, kabloonics. 1.00

00:36:34.000 I taught, we discussed this, where they take you, they pick you, meet up at the top of Snowmass Village, and they take you there in those things with the dogs.

00:36:41.000 They take you over a mountain, you or your wife.

00:36:44.000 They put blankets on you.

00:36:45.000 It has to be in the winter. 1.00

00:36:46.000 This is real shit. 0.99

00:36:47.000 They pick you up at 530 sharp. 1.00

00:36:49.000 You get there, you come out, you can order alligator, fucking... 1.00

00:36:52.000 Dinosaur. 1.00

00:36:54.000 Dinosaur, fucking Puerto Rican meat, anything. 1.00

00:36:57.000 You can order anything, a fucking rat, anything. 1.00

00:37:01.000 It's amazing. 1.00

00:37:02.000 I never went there, but I knew the guy that had the dogs that would whip the fucking dogs and shit over there. 1.00

00:37:09.000 Oh, he's like a sledder, one of those sledder guys? 1.00

00:37:11.000 Yeah, but I know that if you fly into China, Hong Kong, don't quote me on which continent, there's a restaurant that just specializes in testicles. 1.00

00:37:18.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

00:37:19.000 Did you see that shit? 1.00

00:37:21.000 Every type of... 1.00

00:37:22.000 There's one that, like, belongs to, like, a fucking... 1.00

00:37:25.000 It's a stem. 1.00

00:37:27.000 And that's the big one that comes in a soup. 0.98

00:37:29.000 It's like a testicle soup. 1.00

00:37:30.000 I think it's like $1,800 for the fucking soup. 1.00

00:37:33.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:37:33.000 You gotta look it up. 1.00

00:37:34.000 It's disgusting, but it makes you think people pay to eat animal dick. 1.00

00:37:38.000 That's fucking crazy. 1.00

00:37:40.000 I was looking at that eagle. 1.00

00:37:42.000 How funny is that if in real life your mom kills somebody in front of you?

00:37:46.000 Oh, if you're an eagle?

00:37:47.000 Eat your vegetables?

00:37:48.000 No, like your mom...

00:37:49.000 Someone comes in?

00:37:49.000 In real life, your mom's like, eat your broccoli.

00:37:51.000 I don't like broccoli.

00:37:52.000 You mother...

00:37:53.000 Bam, bam! 0.94

00:37:53.000 What's that? 0.94

00:37:54.000 They brought a cat to feed.

00:37:56.000 They've been eating this cat.

00:37:58.000 Oh my god, they're all eating a cat. 1.00

00:38:00.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:38:02.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:38:04.000 Dude, that is a creepy, creepy animal.

00:38:08.000 It just pulled the meat away from its babies, by the way. 0.99

00:38:11.000 One of them was like, that is mine.

00:38:13.000 Well, it's actually been taking it apart and feeding it.

00:38:16.000 I've been watching it for a while.

00:38:17.000 It's really cute watching this.

00:38:19.000 Have you ever seen the video of the wolves getting killed by the eagles?

00:38:24.000 Wolves?

00:38:24.000 Yeah, guys who have trained eagles.

00:38:26.000 You've got to see this.

00:38:27.000 I think it's the Mongols. 0.97

00:38:30.000 Or is that a motorcycle gang?

00:38:32.000 They have trained eagles, golden eagles, that swoop down and kill wolves.

00:38:39.000 I guess golden eagles are even bigger than bald eagles.

00:38:44.000 I think.

00:38:45.000 I should look that up.

00:38:46.000 Let me look that up.

00:38:48.000 Oh, look at that thing. 1.00

00:38:48.000 Jesus Christ, that's big! 1.00

00:38:50.000 Look at the size of that thing!

00:38:52.000 Look how it does this.

00:38:54.000 And the dude is all like...

00:38:56.000 Done up in tribal, traditional animal skin clothes. 0.91

00:39:01.000 I mean, he's in a harsh, harsh world, and he's got this eagle that he's got trained. 1.00

00:39:05.000 That's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:39:07.000 Watch this shit. 1.00

00:39:09.000 Yo, it goes after a fucking wolf, man. 1.00

00:39:11.000 I mean, what a gangster bird. 1.00

00:39:16.000 I mean, you want to talk about, that's like, the wolf is like almost the top of the food chain.

00:39:21.000 It probably thinks it is the top of the food chain.

00:39:23.000 It's running like it's not, though. 1.00

00:39:25.000 It's like, oh shit, bird! 1.00

00:39:26.000 Yeah, it knows. 1.00

00:39:27.000 What a terrifying feeling that must be, to be a goddamn wolf and still be scared of this evil bird. 1.00

00:39:34.000 Look how it takes it out. 0.99

00:39:35.000 It just swoops down and grabs the wolf by the back of the neck and just starts jacking it. 1.00

00:39:40.000 Don't you think, though, this wolf Could easily just fucking attack this bird and kill it? 0.99

00:39:45.000 No. 1.00

00:39:45.000 You would think. 1.00

00:39:46.000 But I think the birds are stronger than you think.

00:39:49.000 They're really primitive, man.

00:39:52.000 I mean, they're not like... 1.00

00:39:53.000 We look at them like they're all fluffy and shit. 0.99

00:39:56.000 But you look at their musculature and the way they're designed. 1.00

00:39:59.000 They're not designed like any other animal.

00:40:02.000 We sort of associate their size with the way we would view a mammal that was that size.

00:40:07.000 Like, oh, that's not that big a deal.

00:40:09.000 Like, if...

00:40:10.000 You know, whatever, a puppy or something, or a dog, rather, that was that big, was trying to go after you, you'd think that a dog that's only 60 pounds is not going to be able to kill you. 1.00

00:40:19.000 What the fuck was that? 1.00

00:40:20.000 What kind of animal was that? 1.00

00:40:21.000 That's a golden eagle.

00:40:23.000 No, they have not.

00:40:23.000 How did they kill that thing with a claw?

00:40:25.000 Yeah, because they just claw him in the neck, and then they tear him apart.

00:40:29.000 I mean, their claws are unbelievably strong, and they're essentially knives.

00:40:34.000 They have like knives on their huge arms. 0.99

00:40:37.000 Dude, they can pick up a fucking salmon that's swimming in a river. 1.00

00:40:43.000 Stop and think about that for a moment. 1.00

00:40:45.000 How strong you have to be to grab a salmon with your hands.

00:40:49.000 You're a big guy, Joey.

00:40:50.000 Do you think you could grab a salmon?

00:40:52.000 Do you think you could hold on to a salmon? 0.99

00:40:54.000 There's no fucking way! 0.99

00:40:55.000 How about grab it and then fly off with it? 1.00

00:40:59.000 Do you know how fucking strong eagles have to be? 0.99

00:41:02.000 That's an evil, ancient animal that we're like, it's the noble, proud eagle. 0.99

00:41:09.000 Remember that guy that sang those songs?

00:41:12.000 The guy, John Ashcroft?

00:41:14.000 Let the eagle soar?

00:41:15.000 Let the eagle soar.

00:41:16.000 Did you ever hear that song?

00:41:18.000 Did you ever hear that song? 0.99

00:41:20.000 When Ashcroft was the Attorney General or something like that, whatever made-up fucking title it was, whatever job distinction he had, he was working for the Bush administration, whatever function they had him in, and he was completely crazy. 0.99

00:41:32.000 He was this nutty Christian guy, and he had the most amazing song that he sang once, and when he sang it, everybody knew right away, like, whoa, this guy is fucking nuts. 1.00

00:41:43.000 I mean, we knew he was nuts, but what the fuck is this? 1.00

00:41:47.000 Let the eagle soar like she's never soared before. 1.00

00:41:53.000 Yeah, I mean, you're watching madness.

00:41:58.000 You're watching 100% pure, unfiltered madness.

00:42:03.000 And you're just watching it. 1.00

00:42:04.000 All you think of is what kind of twisted shit is this guy doing when he's not doing this? 0.99

00:42:09.000 Because if you're that far out there, you're that far out there that you're singing with the ego, you know, and you're like, it was like super, super duper Christian. 1.00

00:42:17.000 Like that guy had some fucking bones in his yard, man. 0.97

00:42:21.000 What do you think Wolverine versus Wolf? 1.00

00:42:23.000 Who would win?

00:42:24.000 If I had a guess?

00:42:25.000 Pull up that Let the Eagle Soar.

00:42:26.000 I need to hear that.

00:42:28.000 Now what's a wolverine?

00:42:29.000 I would say a wolverine is...

00:42:32.000 It's like a badger.

00:42:33.000 In the badger family. 1.00

00:42:35.000 And they're fierce.

00:42:36.000 Unbelievably fierce animals.

00:42:37.000 They're crazy looking too.

00:42:39.000 They look badass, man.

00:42:41.000 It's like Hugh Grant...

00:42:43.000 It doesn't make sense that they call him Wolverine.

00:42:45.000 Because the whole idea of Wolverine is...

00:42:47.000 Wolverine was supposed to be built like Sean Shirk.

00:42:49.000 He was like a small guy.

00:42:51.000 But he had these crazy muscles.

00:42:53.000 And he had like this adamantium skeleton.

00:42:56.000 He had like some metal skeleton.

00:42:57.000 But it was like a little, like fierce, thick guy.

00:43:01.000 But then you have the guy who plays him.

00:43:03.000 What's his name again?

00:43:03.000 The dude who plays...

00:43:04.000 You just said it.

00:43:05.000 What is it?

00:43:06.000 Hugh Jackman.

00:43:07.000 I know I just said it.

00:43:08.000 I like him too.

00:43:10.000 Whatever.

00:43:10.000 I blame the weed.

00:43:12.000 But Hugh Jackman is like this beautiful, tall, handsome, you know, like statuesque sort of male model looking dude.

00:43:19.000 It's not really, it doesn't work for like that character.

00:43:21.000 The character's supposed to be like a Wolverine.

00:43:23.000 A Wolverine's like...

00:43:24.000 And that's what this guy was like.

00:43:26.000 He was like this hairy dude with his hands would turn into these swords. 0.98

00:43:31.000 Like, they would come out, these giant knives would come out where his knuckles are, and he would just fuck people up. 0.97

00:43:35.000 It was one of the most ruthless superheroes ever, when you think about it. 0.99

00:43:39.000 I mean, because he would just kill people all the time.

00:43:40.000 You went to the comic book? 0.99

00:43:41.000 Oh, I fucking love the X-Men, man. 0.99

00:43:44.000 Listen to this. 0.99

00:43:46.000 Let the eagle soar Like she's never soared That's the real song.

00:43:57.000 I don't know why it's got the cowbell in it.

00:43:59.000 It's the cowboy edition.

00:44:01.000 Cowbell edition. 1.00

00:44:02.000 The cowbell sucks. 0.99

00:44:04.000 There was a cowbell thing going on through the internet for a while. 1.00

00:44:11.000 That's a crazy person. 1.00

00:44:13.000 That's a crazy person. 1.00

00:44:14.000 Crazy person with black socks, stinky feet, sweaty feet all the time, in leather shoes, just wanting to get weird, wanting to stick his thumb up your butt, fucking choke him or something. 1.00

00:44:26.000 What's going on, bro, with Jay-Z going to Cuba? 1.00

00:44:29.000 I don't know, man.

00:44:30.000 I don't know.

00:44:31.000 I saw it in the news.

00:44:32.000 Did you see that?

00:44:32.000 I saw it in the news.

00:44:33.000 What was hilarious was that the people in the news were looking at it as a political liability for President Obama.

00:44:41.000 That Jay-Z is going to Cuba and it weakens the Obama position.

00:44:46.000 He can't be friends with Jay-Z now.

00:44:48.000 And I was watching and I was like, wow, this is weird.

00:44:51.000 They've managed to turn the White House into the real housewives of Orange County. 1.00

00:44:56.000 They literally have managed to turn the White House into almost a bit of a reality show.

00:45:03.000 Like, oh, what is Obama going to do about Jay-Z being in Cuba?

00:45:06.000 Oh, that's crazy.

00:45:07.000 That's a really important thing to think about right now because it's not like there's a country called North Korea that has weapons, that it's threatening to shoot at us and has nuclear capability.

00:45:17.000 Yeah, man, what about that rapper, that guy who makes stuff rhyme?

00:45:20.000 Why did he go to that place where everyone's poor? 1.00

00:45:23.000 What the fuck? 0.99

00:45:25.000 I just seen the headline from Hotlanta to Havana or something like that. 1.00

00:45:29.000 I'm like, oh, this is terrible.

00:45:30.000 It's so weird how right now in today's world, the White House is really, and what's going on around there is a reality show, compared to what's really going on.

00:45:39.000 The wife is on Conan O'Brien jumping up and down. 0.96

00:45:42.000 It's incredible.

00:45:43.000 And I ain't got nothing but love for her.

00:45:45.000 I love that woman.

00:45:46.000 But do you understand me?

00:45:48.000 I mean, it's all different.

00:45:49.000 It's like... 0.99

00:45:51.000 The government is pushing that shit at you to worry about that while what's really, really going on right now is fucking scary. 1.00

00:45:58.000 Whether it's Korea, whether it's going on... 0.99

00:46:00.000 Oh, one good thing, the post office ain't gonna fucking close now. 0.84

00:46:03.000 Did you see that? 0.96

00:46:04.000 No.

00:46:04.000 They're gonna close on Saturday, starting in November.

00:46:06.000 Oh, yeah?

00:46:06.000 No more mail delivery on Saturday.

00:46:08.000 No more mail on Saturday.

00:46:09.000 Are you serious?

00:46:09.000 Starting in November, but no.

00:46:10.000 They just...

00:46:11.000 They changed it.

00:46:11.000 They found the money.

00:46:12.000 They found the Gitas. 1.00

00:46:13.000 Somebody opened their mouth and said, are you fucking serious? 1.00

00:46:17.000 I get my copy of my fucking Time Street, whatever the fuck it is, magazine. 0.99

00:46:21.000 You know, I really wonder whether or not we would be better off with the privatization of that, you know, because I think UPS does an awesome job. 0.99

00:46:28.000 I mean, they're amazing.

00:46:29.000 And the Postal Service, the only issues that I've ever had with the Postal Service is going to the actual place, to the actual place and waiting in line.

00:46:39.000 That's the only issues I've ever had.

00:46:41.000 The idea that you should have a government company that does what private companies do, why would you even need it?

00:46:49.000 Why do you need a post office?

00:46:53.000 The post office as it exists is great, but shouldn't it exist because of the market?

00:46:59.000 Because it fills a spot?

00:47:03.000 You know what I mean?

00:47:03.000 Like, why should it be the government that does that?

00:47:07.000 That's one of the weird questions of our society.

00:47:09.000 In an ideal world, it would be great if the government did all that stuff, right?

00:47:12.000 In an ideal world, it would be great if we could trust everybody to handle everything, but it seems like everything gets handled best when it gets treated like it's a business.

00:47:20.000 Whenever you have government organizations that could be taking place by business, you're controlling things and regulating things.

00:47:29.000 Obviously in the post office it works great, but it doesn't work great in the DMV. It doesn't work great in the TSA. There's a lot of places where it doesn't work great.

00:47:40.000 Jonathan Winters died.

00:47:41.000 Yeah, I heard.

00:47:46.000 Why is it, you know, I hate to bring this up and keep going with this, but why is it that the post office had all those shootings?

00:47:56.000 What happened there?

00:47:57.000 It's because the workers were overworked.

00:47:59.000 I mean, if you go to the post office...

00:48:01.000 Like back in the day?

00:48:03.000 Because it doesn't happen anymore.

00:48:04.000 The shootings don't happen anymore.

00:48:05.000 Yeah.

00:48:06.000 I don't know why it's not happening anymore, but there was a time.

00:48:09.000 If you go to the post office now and you just look at the people that are working there, that looks like the most miserable job ever.

00:48:15.000 They're just sitting there nonstop from 8 a.m.

00:48:18.000 to 5 a.m.

00:48:18.000 Well, if everybody just used stamps.com, it would lighten the load, and then there would be less work, and everybody could chill the fuck out.

00:48:25.000 Yeah. 0.55

00:48:26.000 Can you imagine?

00:48:27.000 That's a thankless job, man.

00:48:29.000 I don't check my mail except maybe once a month now and it's like the worst idea in the world because I'll check it and there's like all these bills and like late payments and stuff but I hate the mail so much that now it literally is like a stack this big of mail once a month and And only about 5% of it is something that I need.

00:48:46.000 Do you pick up the mail or it gets delivered to you?

00:48:48.000 I have a huge mailbox.

00:48:50.000 I mean, it's right in front of my house.

00:48:52.000 I just don't even care.

00:48:53.000 So the post office is completely a government gig, right?

00:48:56.000 I think it is, yeah.

00:48:57.000 I have a friend back home, my friend Adam, who's a postman.

00:49:01.000 He's been a postman forever.

00:49:03.000 I used to work out with him at the Boston Athletic Club back in the day.

00:49:06.000 And he was like a real neighborhood postman.

00:49:11.000 You know, would like go door to door, knew everybody, said hi.

00:49:14.000 They would like give him tips for like Christmas and stuff.

00:49:17.000 It was like a real neighborhood postman.

00:49:19.000 Do they still have those?

00:49:20.000 Yeah.

00:49:21.000 Some places still have like a real, a guy who's like, how you doing?

00:49:23.000 Good morning.

00:49:24.000 Like knows everybody.

00:49:25.000 That's kind of cool. 0.98

00:49:25.000 The guy I got now is a dick, but the guy... 0.98

00:49:28.000 The guy I had in Hollywood, he was a Filipino, and he gambled, so I owned him. 1.00

00:49:33.000 Oh, that's hilarious!

00:49:34.000 I owned him, and he delivered to me first.

00:49:35.000 I would tell him, dog, I'm getting a check this week.

00:49:38.000 Stop by here first.

00:49:39.000 And I'd see him, like, at nine. 0.98

00:49:41.000 He'd give me the check early and shit. 0.99

00:49:42.000 Good guy. 0.95

00:49:43.000 I still see him.

00:49:44.000 He's still down.

00:49:44.000 I wonder how those guys feel about things like Stamps.com.

00:49:47.000 I mean, they still have to deliver things, so...

00:49:50.000 You know what I mean?

00:49:50.000 Yeah, it's not affecting them.

00:49:52.000 It's actually probably making them...

00:49:53.000 Yeah, it's probably like lightening the load a little bit. 1.00

00:49:55.000 Male guys love their fucking job. 1.00

00:49:56.000 That's a great job. 1.00

00:49:58.000 You're walking, especially in California. 1.00

00:50:00.000 What the male people hate more than fucking we do is the shit they have to deliver. 1.00

00:50:05.000 That's why a lot of them... 1.00

00:50:06.000 See, I'm talking to you from the other end. 0.99

00:50:07.000 I did time with three dudes that dumped the fucking Circulus. 1.00

00:50:12.000 So if a mailman dumps Circulus, they go to prison. 0.99

00:50:14.000 What does that mean?

00:50:14.000 What are you talking about?

00:50:15.000 Circulus.

00:50:16.000 When you got a thing from Rouse that says grapefruits.

00:50:18.000 Three for 99 cents.

00:50:20.000 Spam.

00:50:21.000 In your mailbox.

00:50:22.000 Right.

00:50:22.000 I know mail guys that have done time.

00:50:25.000 Like I knew a fucking hippie in Boulder. 1.00

00:50:27.000 The coolest motherfucker ever. 1.00

00:50:29.000 Tenge. 1.00

00:50:30.000 Coolest white dude.

00:50:31.000 I loved him. 1.00

00:50:32.000 From fucking some white investment in Oklahoma. 1.00

00:50:36.000 I loved long hair. 1.00

00:50:37.000 They fucked with him, put him in a ponytail. 1.00

00:50:39.000 This motherfucker filled his garage. 1.00

00:50:42.000 Oh no. 1.00

00:50:42.000 For 10 years with the spam. 1.00

00:50:45.000 And something happened at his house. 0.99

00:50:46.000 He had a fire in the backyard and they found 10 years worth of hoarding the fucking thing. 0.99

00:50:52.000 He was just stealing it? 0.99

00:50:53.000 No, he didn't want to mail it to people. 0.94

00:50:55.000 He thought it was fucking terrible, but he had to do it. 0.86

00:50:57.000 It's part of his job. 0.99

00:50:59.000 They threw him in fucking jail. 0.99

00:51:01.000 Oh, they threw him in jail because he didn't send it out? 1.00

00:51:03.000 Yes.

00:51:03.000 Because he didn't want to spam them.

00:51:05.000 Yeah, he liked the people in his neighborhood.

00:51:08.000 And these people got together and they got his legal defenses down like two grand...

00:51:12.000 Two years at a time, he did Federal Time, and then I met other guys at Diagnostic who were cool mailmen who just, that's the big beef.

00:51:20.000 And one of the kids I grew up with, that I'm very tight with still to this day, got fired.

00:51:25.000 And he tells hysterical, like he used to take the little car, Right.

00:51:50.000 The post office phone.

00:51:52.000 Oh, wow.

00:51:52.000 So they've been listening on the phone before 9-11, the act of 66 that we all buy into.

00:51:57.000 So they just record conversations.

00:51:58.000 Yeah, if you work at a federal agency since 1950, they've been taping everything. 1.00

00:52:02.000 When you call home and tell your husband you're going to go home and suck his dick, they got it on tape. 1.00

00:52:07.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:52:07.000 It's hysterical. 1.00

00:52:08.000 They called him in and played the tapes.

00:52:10.000 That's hilarious.

00:52:11.000 And they didn't say, like, until this day, I always said, well, what if they're investigating the bookmaker?

00:52:14.000 He goes, no, we weren't calling the bookmaker.

00:52:16.000 My shift ended at 12. How come no one's ever done a movie about wild-ass mailmen?

00:52:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:52:22.000 There's some crazy mailmen stealing shit and finding some check and figure out how to cash it. 1.00

00:52:26.000 Think about what the shit they find. 1.00

00:52:27.000 They fuck probably a lot of chicks, too. 1.00

00:52:30.000 I mean, they walk around. 1.00

00:52:32.000 There's these girls that are at home by themselves. 0.71

00:52:34.000 These wives that probably know the mailman. 1.00

00:52:39.000 If you're around the right skanks, you can make it happen. 1.00

00:52:41.000 Oh, and do me a favor for all you tough guys.

00:52:44.000 Or the right ones.

00:52:45.000 For all you tough guys, touch your mailman.

00:52:47.000 Touch him, man.

00:52:48.000 Get into a beef with your mailman one time.

00:52:50.000 Oh, he's a federal employee.

00:52:52.000 Yeah, that's like assaulting a police officer, isn't it? 1.00

00:52:54.000 Tell your mailman one time, hey, fucko, if you're going to come over here, don't fucking hit the gate because my baby. 0.99

00:53:00.000 Say that to your mailman one time and see what happens to you. 1.00

00:53:03.000 Why?

00:53:03.000 How about don't say that?

00:53:04.000 Because, let me tell you something, within 15 minutes, you'll have a police car at your house, and then you'll have another fucking employee, some car that you've never seen before. 0.99

00:53:12.000 And they fucking knock. 0.99

00:53:13.000 I had a friend that hit a mailman with a Frisbee. 1.00

00:53:16.000 Oh, no. 1.00

00:53:17.000 In Arizona, they were doing that shit, and the guy cut across, and they hit him with a Frisbee, and they laughed. 0.99

00:53:21.000 So the guy thought it was done intentionally. 1.00

00:53:25.000 Dog, this guy did a year in fucking jail. 1.00

00:53:28.000 It's a heavy-duty fucking assault charge touching a fucking mailman. 0.99

00:53:32.000 But in Boulder one time, this is an interesting story, in Boulder there was a guy that got bit by a dog, so now his phobia, he hated dogs, but he needed the job as a mailman. 1.00

00:53:42.000 So if you left your dog in the yard, he would spray your dog with shit to the face. 0.99

00:53:46.000 So one woman was home one day, he heard the dog, you know, the dog's outside and seen the mailman fucking spray him. 1.00

00:53:53.000 And she told the neighbors some other dog had died in that route. 0.98

00:53:58.000 And the guy waited for him.

00:53:59.000 This is in 1986 in Boulder.

00:54:02.000 The guy waited for the mailman next day. 0.99

00:54:04.000 He took him to fucking Boulder. 0.99

00:54:06.000 You gotta be careful, bro. 1.00

00:54:08.000 They took him in that fucking backyard, him and his brother, and threw a beat on this fucking guy. 1.00

00:54:13.000 I think one of them went to jail, the other. 1.00

00:54:15.000 Boulder's a fucking crazy place like that when you... 1.00

00:54:17.000 You don't know who you're messing with. 1.00

00:54:18.000 Well, a lot of those people in Colorado are the descendants of old cowboys.

00:54:22.000 I mean, you gotta think, like, back a few generations. 0.98

00:54:25.000 They fucked this mailman up. 0.96

00:54:25.000 Can you imagine fucking the mailman up? 0.96

00:54:27.000 Like, come here, motherfucker. 1.00

00:54:28.000 Well, they didn't good fellas, but... 1.00

00:54:29.000 Well, if a guy kills your dog, you know, that you love, you might be willing to do a little time, you know? 1.00

00:54:35.000 There's some pieces of shit out there, man. 1.00

00:54:36.000 There's some pieces of shit. 1.00

00:54:38.000 It'll kill your dog. 1.00

00:54:40.000 Fucking poison it. 1.00

00:54:41.000 They don't care. 1.00

00:54:41.000 I have a friend who moved to a place. 1.00

00:54:43.000 He had a barky dog.

00:54:44.000 Someone poisoned his dog.

00:54:46.000 You know? 1.00

00:54:46.000 I mean, that's crazy shit, man. 1.00

00:54:50.000 I can understand that you have a problem with it. 1.00

00:54:53.000 It sucks. 0.99

00:54:53.000 It sucks that some guy has a barky dog, but poisoning the dog is crazy. 0.99

00:54:58.000 I mean, not only that, it was like a big area. 0.96

00:55:01.000 He lived in like a...

00:55:02.000 A big rural area.

00:55:04.000 So his dog wasn't even on a leash.

00:55:05.000 Like, his dog was allowed to roam free.

00:55:08.000 But apparently, people didn't like it.

00:55:10.000 This new dog moved into the neighborhood and started barking, so they just poisoned it.

00:55:15.000 You know, that's just...

00:55:16.000 I hate when people get defined in life as being like an animal lover or not.

00:55:24.000 I mean, everybody's an animal lover.

00:55:26.000 We're all lovers of animals that you can trust, you know?

00:55:31.000 When you meet a person and they have a cool dog, you know a friendly person by their friendly dogs.

00:55:39.000 The idea that you could do that, just spray dogs in the face, that's like a sociopathic sort of thing. 0.99

00:55:49.000 That little dog that you have is ridiculous. 0.99

00:55:51.000 It's so cute. 1.00

00:55:51.000 It's really cute. 1.00

00:55:52.000 It's not even real.

00:55:53.000 It's not even real, man.

00:55:54.000 Your dog's not even real.

00:55:56.000 He barked for his first time last night in four days.

00:55:59.000 Did you come?

00:56:00.000 No, no.

00:56:01.000 I have mirrors in my bedroom, like on the doors.

00:56:04.000 And he just sits there and stares at himself because he doesn't understand mirrors.

00:56:08.000 And finally last night he went crazy on the mirrors and just barked his first time.

00:56:12.000 It was so cute.

00:56:12.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

00:56:13.000 He's so cute, man. 0.96

00:56:14.000 It's ridiculous. 0.92

00:56:15.000 Yeah, I found something. 0.91

00:56:16.000 I've been cleaning out my office.

00:56:18.000 I found something the other day and it completely opened up like a memory that I completely forgot about when I was younger.

00:56:25.000 And this is so crazy.

00:56:26.000 I can't believe I forgot this.

00:56:28.000 We used to have this thing called time and temperature.

00:56:30.000 Do you guys remember?

00:56:30.000 Do you guys have where you live, where you called?

00:56:32.000 A phone number.

00:56:33.000 Yes.

00:56:34.000 Like the time is.

00:56:35.000 Yeah.

00:56:35.000 And the temperature.

00:56:36.000 Remember that?

00:56:37.000 29 cents a call. 1.00

00:56:38.000 At the end of the month, your mother will almost fucking kill you. 1.00

00:56:41.000 I didn't know that. 1.00

00:56:41.000 You got 80 bucks in fucking time and temperature. 1.00

00:56:44.000 Who's falling fucking time and temperature? 1.00

00:56:45.000 I got 18 fucking clocks all over the house. 0.99

00:56:48.000 I remember that when I was a kid, I had a calling card. 0.99

00:56:51.000 And if I didn't know the time, I could use my calling card at a fucking phone booth and call and get the time and temperature. 1.00

00:56:57.000 How stupid is that? 1.00

00:56:58.000 The one in Ohio was free, I think. 1.00

00:57:01.000 And it was just a phone number you called.

00:57:03.000 But what happened is, at one point, something broke.

00:57:06.000 Where like anyone else that was calling could talk to the other people listening.

00:57:11.000 So it became a chat room for like three months.

00:57:15.000 You would call time and temperature and suddenly you're like, hello?

00:57:17.000 Are you there?

00:57:17.000 Anyone there?

00:57:18.000 Yeah, I'm here.

00:57:19.000 You start talking to people.

00:57:21.000 So I met this girl on time and temperature.

00:57:26.000 And I got her phone number.

00:57:28.000 And then we started talking for like two weeks.

00:57:31.000 And she said she went to a different school and all this stuff.

00:57:34.000 And she was a virgin.

00:57:35.000 And she was like, I will pay you $100 if you sleep with me. 1.00

00:57:40.000 And I was like, yes, I will take that money.

00:57:41.000 I was 17. I was like, $100?

00:57:43.000 That's amazing.

00:57:44.000 So I was kind of scared of how she looked and everything like that.

00:57:47.000 She came over when I lived with my mom, and my mom was out of town.

00:57:51.000 She came over one weekend, never met this girl, just talked to her a few times on the phone, met her on time and temperature.

00:57:56.000 She comes over, and she was a lot older.

00:57:58.000 I'm 17. She was probably like 30. And I was like, But she acted like she was in high school the whole time.

00:58:05.000 And I just was like, I guess she's in high school.

00:58:07.000 But I knew that she was older.

00:58:11.000 And then she wrote me a check with her name on it.

00:58:14.000 And I was like, oh, you have a checkbook?

00:58:15.000 Wow, that's cool.

00:58:16.000 I was 17. I didn't have a checkbook.

00:58:19.000 You were impressed that she could write checks. 1.00

00:58:21.000 And I fucked her. 1.00

00:58:22.000 And now looking back at it, I never even thought about it. 1.00

00:58:25.000 She was totally an older chick that was fucking young guys. 1.00

00:58:29.000 I was underage and she paid me. 1.00

00:58:32.000 I was a hooker at 17. That was her scam. 0.96

00:58:35.000 She used to call time and weather. 1.00

00:58:37.000 What a fucking scam. 1.00

00:58:38.000 And pick up kids, because only kids were doing that. 1.00

00:58:41.000 I remember this was like a chat line for kids, and I would be like, oh, what's going on?

00:58:45.000 Yeah, Worthington News.

00:58:46.000 Wow. 1.00

00:58:47.000 So she was just some crazy freak bitch that was fucking 17-year-olds. 1.00

00:58:50.000 Yeah, meeting them on time and temperature. 1.00

00:58:51.000 That's amazing.

00:58:52.000 But did she know you were 17?

00:58:53.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:58:54.000 I said I went to high school, and she said she went to this other high school that was like 20 minutes away.

00:58:58.000 Is it possible that she just did a lot of meth? 0.94

00:59:01.000 Honestly, when she first came over, I was like, oh my god, I'm in trouble.

00:59:04.000 This is the person's mom.

00:59:06.000 But then she was the girl, and then she, like, we didn't barely talk.

00:59:10.000 I remember she walked in, and we talked for a second.

00:59:12.000 I just turned off the lights in my living room. 0.96

00:59:14.000 We fucked on the floor, and she gave me a check, and she left. 0.99

00:59:16.000 And it was, like, in and out half hour. 0.99

00:59:18.000 Did you spend the money?

00:59:20.000 It took me a while to cash the check, because I didn't have a checking account.

00:59:23.000 And so I think I had to, like, get it cashed out at a grocery store or something.

00:59:28.000 But, yeah, I spent the money.

00:59:32.000 I totally forgot about it then.

00:59:34.000 Wouldn't it be an amazing reality show to follow that woman around? 1.00

00:59:38.000 Like if you could go back in time and just watch how she did it in the age of no internet, just find young guys and meet them somewhere and just fuck them and pay them, actually pay them. 1.00

00:59:48.000 Like how crazy was that chick? 1.00

00:59:50.000 Do you think she was that crazy or maybe it was just like a one-time thing where she just lost her mind and got caught up in the thrill of the moment?

00:59:57.000 Yeah, I have no idea, man.

00:59:59.000 Think about how creepy that move is.

01:00:01.000 But then again, how creepy are we?

01:00:02.000 We make believe we're on the payphone at the bottom of the stairs at the comedy store and watching chicks come in and out of the bathroom.

01:00:08.000 And all you got to do is wait. 1.00

01:00:09.000 Out of ten of them, somebody's going to be drunk and somebody will suck a dick. 0.99

01:00:11.000 They should have never taken down that payphone. 0.99

01:00:14.000 That payphone was a piece of history.

01:00:17.000 Oh my God.

01:00:17.000 They should put a payphone back there.

01:00:19.000 They should find a payphone from that era.

01:00:21.000 Yeah, they took it down.

01:00:22.000 And they also took the one down at the Improv that used to be outside of it.

01:00:26.000 They shouldn't do that.

01:00:27.000 But you know what's still there at the Comedy Store is where all the guy comics come in and they tilt the window so it's perfectly so you can go to the stairs outside and just sit there and look down and see any girls in the bathroom.

01:00:39.000 Oh, that's so gross.

01:00:41.000 That's so gross. 1.00

01:00:42.000 Dude, that's so fucked up. 1.00

01:00:44.000 That's why whenever I, like, my girls are, like, I'm with a friend or something like that. 1.00

01:00:47.000 Dude, that's, like, that's really illegal.

01:00:48.000 That's super illegal.

01:00:48.000 You shouldn't even really be talking about that on the phone or on the podcast.

01:00:51.000 Allegedly.

01:00:52.000 I've never done it.

01:00:53.000 What's more illegal?

01:00:53.000 That's really creepy, too.

01:00:54.000 Sitting down by the phone waiting for fucking pigeons to come here. 1.00

01:00:57.000 It's fucking creepy. 1.00

01:00:57.000 If you're a girl and some guy can look in while you shit, that's disgusting. 1.00

01:01:01.000 That's disgusting. 1.00

01:01:01.000 You're a piece of shit. 1.00

01:01:02.000 That's a terrible human being, and you're, like, thinking it's all silly. 1.00

01:01:05.000 Put a mirror on your foot. 1.00

01:01:06.000 Jamie Kilstein would be yelling at you right now and crying out rape culture. 1.00

01:01:10.000 I don't do it.

01:01:11.000 I'm just saying that I've noticed they do that thing.

01:01:15.000 Yeah.

01:01:15.000 And I could probably...

01:01:16.000 Well, someone should fucking black that out, man. 0.99

01:01:19.000 Just call the manager. 0.98

01:01:20.000 And they have to do...

01:01:21.000 Now they're going to have to, by the way. 0.99

01:01:23.000 You just fucked it up. 0.99

01:01:23.000 We've all done creepy things, but that's one of the creepy things I don't fucking like. 0.99

01:01:27.000 All you creeps are not going to be able to pull that off anymore because you talked about it on the podcast. 0.61

01:01:31.000 Now, the comedy store is going to have to fix that or they'll be liable.

01:01:33.000 It's funny because every time...

01:01:34.000 You have to let them know, man.

01:01:35.000 If you like going there, you better let them know.

01:01:37.000 For real.

01:01:38.000 Because people are going to talk about it in the pocket.

01:01:39.000 That's a big issue, man. 0.99

01:01:40.000 You're making it out like it's not a big issue, but looking in on girls, like fixing a mirror or a window to look in on girls while they shit, that's like seriously against the law and seriously creepy. 0.99

01:01:52.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:01:52.000 I agree. 0.99

01:01:53.000 But you're just joking around about it on a podcast.

01:01:55.000 I'm saying that every time I have a girl, I'm with a girl and she goes to the bathroom, that's the one thing I say. 0.98

01:02:00.000 Make sure those things are shut when you go in there, the blind things.

01:02:03.000 Well...

01:02:04.000 I mean, if you go in there as a girl, though, and you see it, it's obvious, like, alright, there's an open window right here.

01:02:09.000 I should shut this. 1.00

01:02:10.000 That shit's ridiculous. 1.00

01:02:11.000 It shouldn't be there. 1.00

01:02:12.000 It shouldn't be like that. 0.83

01:02:13.000 And a girl shouldn't have to be, especially in a place where they're serving alcohol, the last thing that should have to happen is a girl should have to worry about who could possibly be looking through a window while she's shitting. 1.00

01:02:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:02:23.000 That's nonsense. 0.70

01:02:24.000 That's complete nonsense. 1.00

01:02:25.000 Someone fix that, stupid. 1.00

01:02:27.000 Are those edibles? 1.00

01:02:28.000 You just eat Joey Diaz's edibles?

01:02:29.000 Be careful. 0.77

01:02:31.000 You're a dangerous man. 1.00

01:02:32.000 Yeah, these edibles are potent shit. 1.00

01:02:36.000 Those are the pretzels. 1.00

01:02:37.000 They're okay.

01:02:37.000 That's a whole bag that's 130. This fucking thing will kill you.

01:02:42.000 It's like a sushi roll. 1.00

01:02:44.000 Fucking kill you. 1.00

01:02:45.000 Kill you. 1.00

01:02:45.000 It's amazing. 1.00

01:02:46.000 By next year in California, there's going to be like zombies.

01:02:51.000 There will be zombies.

01:02:52.000 Yeah.

01:02:53.000 Because they're going to double this. 0.99

01:02:55.000 This is four fucking loads. 0.99

01:02:57.000 They're gonna double us. 0.99

01:02:58.000 Don't.

01:02:59.000 Don't say that.

01:03:00.000 People are gonna be walking around with shirts ripped open.

01:03:02.000 Like zombies. 1.00

01:03:03.000 Like zombies and shit. 1.00

01:03:08.000 That is fucking crazy. 1.00

01:03:09.000 You know, we've all done... 0.99

01:03:10.000 I don't know.

01:03:11.000 I don't remember looking through the peephole over there.

01:03:13.000 You don't?

01:03:14.000 That's gross.

01:03:15.000 No, I do remember doing it. 1.00

01:03:15.000 It was just fucking crazy, the shit that... 1.00

01:03:18.000 You try to think of all the crazy women that I met through there over the years and the different situations. 1.00

01:03:25.000 It's fucking kind of crazy. 1.00

01:03:26.000 You could write a book, and it's kind of disgusting. 1.00

01:03:29.000 Oh, what the comedy story you're saying? 0.99

01:03:30.000 Disgusting.

01:03:30.000 You know what the beautiful thing about the comedy story was?

01:03:33.000 The camaraderie.

01:03:34.000 Between comics, we'd all sit in that back and hang out.

01:03:38.000 There was so much camaraderie in that place.

01:03:40.000 I guess it still is.

01:03:41.000 It's like having an employee meeting with your peers every night.

01:03:44.000 It was so loosely regulated.

01:03:48.000 It's getting more tighter now, unfortunately.

01:03:50.000 Well, I mean, you kind of have to do that.

01:03:52.000 It should have probably been tighter a long time ago. 0.95

01:03:54.000 But the real issue was always, you know, how do you run a club and run a business and then still sort of let the comedians do whatever the fuck they want? 0.78

01:04:04.000 Sometimes it doesn't work out. 0.92

01:04:06.000 Comedians will wreck your place, you know?

01:04:07.000 That's why I always try to contribute to that place as much as I could.

01:04:11.000 Like, it's like...

01:04:12.000 Do it for free.

01:04:13.000 I pay for the sound system there.

01:04:15.000 You need to go back there and pay for a new sound system.

01:04:17.000 No, no, no. 1.00

01:04:18.000 That's bullshit. 1.00

01:04:19.000 I'm sure it is. 1.00

01:04:20.000 It's a sound system I bought in like 2001 or some shit. 0.82

01:04:23.000 It's an old sound system. 0.88

01:04:24.000 It's so scary there too because I do the show up in the belly room and up in the belly room is like falling apart.

01:04:31.000 Like you...

01:04:31.000 I went to plug something in and all the electricity went out.

01:04:34.000 And then I'm like, these outlets are not legal.

01:04:37.000 This is impossible.

01:04:40.000 I'll turn on... 0.95

01:04:41.000 Keep throwing them under the bus, Brian.

01:04:42.000 Keep it up.

01:04:43.000 Keep it up. 1.00

01:04:44.000 You're like fucking... 1.00

01:04:45.000 What are you trying to do, man? 1.00

01:04:47.000 There's going to be people that are going to think of this conspiracy.

01:04:50.000 Well, what I know is that Joe Rogan had a problem with us. 0.99

01:04:53.000 Next thing, his little bitch, Brian Redman... 1.00

01:04:56.000 What the fuck, Brian? 1.00

01:04:57.000 What else is wrong? 1.00

01:04:58.000 Talking about making lies about our security staff with some of the finest in Los Angeles, okay?

01:05:05.000 I handpicked them myself. 1.00

01:05:09.000 The fucking thing almost blew up. 0.99

01:05:11.000 The thing's from 1920, people. 1.00

01:05:13.000 She's dead. 1.00

01:05:14.000 Who's running that motherfucking place? 1.00

01:05:16.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:05:18.000 I have nothing but love for her. 1.00

01:05:19.000 I got love for her too, but she's got one foot in the grave, one of a banana peel. 1.00

01:05:22.000 She's very unhealthy, but I love that woman. 0.99

01:05:25.000 I've never had any issue with her.

01:05:28.000 Neither have I, but I'm talking about the building.

01:05:30.000 Nobody's watching it. 0.99

01:05:32.000 There's no maintenance man walking around in the daytime looking at the fucking... 0.99

01:05:36.000 No, no one's paying attention. 0.99

01:05:39.000 And she didn't want to lift a rock for a roof 18 years ago. 1.00

01:05:43.000 That motherfucker must be leaking like a motherfucker by now. 1.00

01:05:46.000 Remember, she had Bob Baker up there putting a spackle on that motherfucker. 1.00

01:05:51.000 Made of coke and fucking black tar and all that shit. 1.00

01:05:54.000 When you got Bob Baker on your roof, fucking roofing your building, you got fucking problems. 1.00

01:05:58.000 Whatever happened to that guy? 1.00

01:05:59.000 Who the fuck knows? 1.00

01:06:00.000 He fucking jumped off a roof. 1.00

01:06:01.000 Fuck him. 1.00

01:06:02.000 It's fucking California. 1.00

01:06:03.000 It's 80 degrees outside. 1.00

01:06:04.000 Fuck Bob Baker. 1.00

01:06:06.000 Fucking Bob Baker put in fuck. 1.00

01:06:08.000 Come on up. 1.00

01:06:08.000 Help me. 1.00

01:06:09.000 Are you fucking crazy? 1.00

01:06:09.000 I'm going to fall through that roof. 1.00

01:06:10.000 I got nobody to sue.

01:06:12.000 Do you remember when the guys were launching water balloons from the roof?

01:06:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:06:16.000 We were just talking about that the other day.

01:06:17.000 Yeah.

01:06:18.000 What era was that?

01:06:19.000 That was about seven years ago.

01:06:21.000 It was Steve Renizzisi. 0.99

01:06:23.000 Hey, it was who the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

01:06:26.000 Jesus Christ, son. 1.00

01:06:29.000 You need to go to a doctor.

01:06:30.000 I swear to God, you need to go to a doctor.

01:06:32.000 What about five years before I got there? 0.98

01:06:34.000 What if someone was shot the fuck up?

01:06:36.000 Now we can't tell a story.

01:06:37.000 I heard the story for five years before I got there when Tupac shot the gun in there.

01:06:42.000 It was all a black club and they used to have metal detectors at the door in 95. I never saw that.

01:06:47.000 I was there.

01:06:48.000 I was there in 94. It wasn't like that.

01:06:50.000 They would just have, like, Fat Tuesdays would get crazy.

01:06:53.000 But the one night, Eddie Griffin was saying, one night Tupac went in there and they had a shootout and everybody ran and Mitzi banned him because she thought it was him.

01:06:59.000 In fact, the bullets are still on the brick.

01:07:01.000 In the belly room, right? 0.61

01:07:02.000 Yeah.

01:07:02.000 There's one in the thing still, yeah, from Tupac.

01:07:05.000 I wouldn't doubt that there was some crazy shit that went down there. 0.98

01:07:08.000 Because they did have some crazy shit happen there. 0.99

01:07:11.000 Even, like, Kinnison shot a gun in that place. 0.99

01:07:13.000 There's a hole in the back sign that came from Kinnison's gun.

01:07:16.000 It's still there.

01:07:17.000 The hole's still there. 0.94

01:07:18.000 It's kind of fucking cool, you know? 1.00

01:07:20.000 Just to be around a place where Sam Kinnison lost it and shot a hole in a fucking sign. 0.99

01:07:25.000 I think it was about Dice, too, wasn't it? 0.99

01:07:27.000 Yeah.

01:07:27.000 We should have asked him.

01:07:28.000 I think we talked about it with Dice.

01:07:29.000 Yeah, we did.

01:07:30.000 My memory's done.

01:07:31.000 You know, it's crazy.

01:07:33.000 My memory is filled.

01:07:34.000 It's like I've got no room.

01:07:35.000 I'm taking in too much information lately.

01:07:37.000 It's crazy that 30 years from now, you know, any day now, they're gonna call and say somebody will offer them 10 million for that property, Joe.

01:07:44.000 Oh, the store?

01:07:45.000 Yeah, any day now. 1.00

01:07:46.000 Any day, somebody's gonna break and go, you know what, what the fuck? 0.99

01:07:51.000 Let's buy that side, this side, the side across the street. 0.99

01:07:54.000 Well, you know, it's worth a lot of money.

01:07:56.000 Yeah, it's worth a lot of money.

01:07:57.000 The history of that place is just undefiable. 0.98

01:07:58.000 No, the history is undefiable, but some Japanese group who don't give a fuck about ha-has in the East is going to show up with 60 mil, put an underground casino in there, whatever the fuck they do, because all those streets are haunted. 0.99

01:08:11.000 And you know what? 0.98

01:08:12.000 We're going to be driving by there when a T is going to come.

01:08:14.000 Is it possible to still pull something like that off today?

01:08:18.000 Is someone willing to gamble that much money today?

01:08:20.000 Or is this a tricky economy?

01:08:21.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:08:23.000 Every time you go to Vegas, aren't they building a new fucking building? 0.99

01:08:27.000 Somebody's talking to somebody, telling them that the future's going to be brighter. 0.99

01:08:31.000 You know what it also is, too?

01:08:32.000 They just adjust.

01:08:33.000 Like, instead of making ten billion, okay, we're making five.

01:08:36.000 We cool?

01:08:36.000 We cool with five?

01:08:37.000 Let's be cool with five billion.

01:08:38.000 And they just cut it in half, and now they're...

01:08:40.000 And they take a loss.

01:08:41.000 They take a loss.

01:08:42.000 All those guys have something that's losing dough. 0.99

01:08:45.000 That's part of the fucking angle to write off and have a good time. 0.96

01:08:48.000 But to take that place down, it would be so sad. 0.97

01:08:51.000 Every place has gone down. 0.98

01:08:52.000 Even fucking Arnold's went down on Happy Days. 0.98

01:08:55.000 What was Arnold's? 1.00

01:08:56.000 The fucking hamburger show. 1.00

01:08:57.000 They take everything down, Joe. 1.00

01:08:59.000 That's not real.

01:09:01.000 Whatever.

01:09:03.000 Whatever.

01:09:03.000 Who knows whether it was real or not, but they shoot.

01:09:06.000 They fucking take everything the fuck down, and that's the reality. 0.99

01:09:10.000 It's so weird. 0.99

01:09:11.000 I don't even go to that side of Sunset.

01:09:13.000 I drive by it, and I feel guilty.

01:09:15.000 When I had my ear infection, I had to go to the Cienega to go get a hearing test, and I drove past it.

01:09:21.000 It was amazing. 0.95

01:09:21.000 I'm like, when was the last time I drove on this side of fucking Sunset? 0.95

01:09:24.000 When you and I used to hang out there between, like, was it, I think, like, 98? 0.81

01:09:29.000 97. You started coming around 97?

01:09:32.000 2005, I was in there, man.

01:09:33.000 God, I wish you guys would just hang out with us one day.

01:09:36.000 No, we can't.

01:09:36.000 It's so fun, me, Don Barris, and all of us, Tony Henson, all just sitting in the back.

01:09:40.000 Shooting the shit, smoking too much weed. 0.98

01:09:42.000 You can't go back. 1.00

01:09:43.000 The same people who were in charge back then during the Menstelia incident, they're still in charge.

01:09:50.000 The only person there is one person.

01:09:52.000 For me, that's the same people, man.

01:09:54.000 For me, that angle of it is forgotten.

01:09:56.000 I take it from a different angle.

01:09:58.000 That was then, this is now.

01:09:59.000 There's nothing I can do to bring that back.

01:10:01.000 Why don't I go home, get my football jacket and put it on and hang out in front of my high school?

01:10:06.000 Listen, the improv has never been anything but cool to me.

01:10:09.000 No, they're very cool.

01:10:10.000 The improv is so nice to me.

01:10:11.000 The improv is plural.

01:10:12.000 The improv is plural.

01:10:13.000 We work all of them.

01:10:15.000 All of them are cool to me.

01:10:16.000 They're great.

01:10:16.000 And on top of that, I mean...

01:10:19.000 There's also the Laugh Factory.

01:10:21.000 Jamie Masada's a wacky dude.

01:10:22.000 Dynamite.

01:10:23.000 Dynamite.

01:10:24.000 Dynamite.

01:10:25.000 And then there's the fucking Ice House, which is the greatest club in the history of the world. 1.00

01:10:29.000 Our backyard. 1.00

01:10:29.000 That's our backyard. 1.00

01:10:30.000 I don't even need to go anywhere else.

01:10:32.000 No, I'm happy. 0.98

01:10:33.000 I'm fucking happy as hell. 0.77

01:10:34.000 The thing that's cool, though, is that if you guys were to come last night on the patio, as an example... 0.98

01:10:40.000 You guys would have been like, oh my god, there's like 30 people here that I know all in one big group.

01:10:45.000 You know what I mean?

01:10:45.000 Everyone's got their dogs now.

01:10:47.000 I'm going to hit you from a different angle. 0.99

01:10:49.000 I'm going to hit you from a different angle. 0.91

01:10:49.000 It's an amazing place. 0.91

01:10:50.000 I'm going to hit you from a different angle.

01:10:51.000 This is the angle I look at, guys.

01:10:53.000 This is the same angle I look at. 0.99

01:10:55.000 The angle I'm looking at is, I remember being up there and being 30 and seeing old guys hanging out up there and going, what the fuck? 0.98

01:11:02.000 I gotta hear this story when he was here. 0.99

01:11:05.000 Yeah, but that's just the old sad ones.

01:11:07.000 You know I'm so insecure when it comes to that, Joe.

01:11:09.000 I saw Carlin there, dude.

01:11:11.000 Carlin hung out at the back of the comedy store.

01:11:12.000 Yeah, but that was one night.

01:11:13.000 I know, but he doesn't live here.

01:11:15.000 You know those guys that become that all of a sudden?

01:11:17.000 I don't want to be that guy, bro.

01:11:18.000 But you know, there's guys like Dom Herrera, he'll stop in, he just bangs out his set, hangs out a little bit. 0.99

01:11:24.000 Dom Herrera is one of the coolest motherfuckers. 0.97

01:11:26.000 That guy is, he's like a real stand-up, you know? 0.98

01:11:30.000 You guys are working together?

01:11:34.000 One weekend together at the Ice House.

01:11:36.000 The last week, it's a lot of four shows.

01:11:38.000 It's just going to be...

01:11:39.000 It's going to crush.

01:11:40.000 We're going to light the building on fire once in a while.

01:11:42.000 It's going to implode.

01:11:43.000 By the way, we enjoyed it there tonight.

01:11:44.000 Let me tell you something.

01:11:45.000 Dom Herrera is one of the most underrated headliners ever.

01:11:49.000 That's my take on him.

01:11:50.000 That guy is...

01:11:51.000 When he's on...

01:11:53.000 When Dom Herrera...

01:11:53.000 I did that show with him at the factory, and he was on.

01:11:57.000 He's on. 0.99

01:11:58.000 He's fucking brilliant. 0.98

01:11:59.000 His timing is brilliant. 0.99

01:11:59.000 He's hilarious. 0.99

01:12:00.000 The shit that he comes up with, and he constantly writes. 1.00

01:12:03.000 He's constantly writing. 1.00

01:12:04.000 He's constantly looking at the news, coming up with new shit. 0.99

01:12:07.000 I've heard two beautiful jokes the last six months that are brilliant. 0.99

01:12:11.000 The one joke was the one my boy said on the Oscars when he said that right now this show is being viewed by two billion people.

01:12:18.000 That's why Jodie Foster is going to come up here and ask you about her privacy, something like that. 0.98

01:12:22.000 That's a well-written joke.

01:12:24.000 Dom Herrera, athletic joke.

01:12:26.000 That's a great joke.

01:12:27.000 That is one of the best jokes I have heard in a long time.

01:12:32.000 Since you're out of the cold.

01:12:34.000 That is one.

01:12:35.000 Let's get down. 1.00

01:12:36.000 Say the fucking athletic. 1.00

01:12:38.000 That's an athletic neighborhood. 1.00

01:12:40.000 It is such a fuck. 1.00

01:12:41.000 And you know where he's going. 1.00

01:12:42.000 I don't want to even say the joke.

01:12:43.000 I don't want to say it.

01:12:45.000 You got to see it.

01:12:45.000 You get a chance to see him.

01:12:47.000 Where is this that you guys are going to work together?

01:12:49.000 Nice house.

01:12:51.000 The last week of July, like four shows.

01:12:53.000 Oh, my God.

01:12:54.000 Two shows Friday, two Saturday.

01:12:56.000 And I'm honored because, you know what?

01:12:59.000 After I've been watching him, that Wednesday night he's got at the Laugh Factory is where you really get to see Don Murray.

01:13:04.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:13:04.000 That's it.

01:13:05.000 He's in the catcher's seat.

01:13:07.000 His legs are open.

01:13:07.000 I think it's Tuesday, right?

01:13:08.000 Tuesday.

01:13:09.000 What's in it?

01:13:09.000 Busting balls?

01:13:10.000 Oh, Wednesday, too. 0.74

01:13:11.000 He does more than one show there, right?

01:13:13.000 So go on the line and take a look.

01:13:15.000 No matter who he got there...

01:13:16.000 Sometimes, and I don't like to say this, sometimes he's got, and you'll understand what I'm saying, Joe, sometimes he's got a comic on there that doesn't shine in the social avenue of comedy.

01:13:27.000 Right.

01:13:27.000 Sometimes some people just so introverted, go watch him with those people.

01:13:32.000 He brings it to life.

01:13:33.000 Right.

01:13:34.000 And he's brilliant.

01:13:35.000 He turns it around and bop, bop, bop.

01:13:37.000 He's so friendly.

01:13:38.000 Yeah.

01:13:38.000 It's like he's easy to banter with back and forth.

01:13:41.000 When they called me and asked me, I said, yeah, why not?

01:13:44.000 I just watched.

01:13:45.000 Now I watch somebody for four shows and I get a different flavor.

01:13:48.000 It's very tough to learn from somebody when you watch 10-minute sets in L.A. L.A. to me doesn't give...

01:13:54.000 People come out and I'm not discouraging people that are coming out and going, oh, I'm going to see Joe Rogan.

01:13:59.000 Excuse me, at the Comedy Store, that's a 20-minute set.

01:14:02.000 At least.

01:14:03.000 You know, sometimes sit tight in your neighborhood.

01:14:05.000 We'll get there.

01:14:05.000 Right.

01:14:06.000 But to see a 10-minute Dom Herrera and a 45-minute Dom Herrera, it's two different fucking people. 0.98

01:14:12.000 Yeah, I think it's that way with you as well. 0.98

01:14:15.000 I think it's that way with anybody.

01:14:17.000 I've seen you do 10 minute sets and I want to see you do a half hour.

01:14:20.000 I want to see you do 40. I think at a certain point in time, I'm done.

01:14:24.000 I'm cool if someone wants to do 50 minutes of hard shit. 0.99

01:14:27.000 I don't mind that. 0.99

01:14:28.000 But I really like a long set.

01:14:30.000 When you get into a guy and you start laughing at his stuff, you want to keep laughing.

01:14:35.000 You want to keep going.

01:14:36.000 You want him to keep going.

01:14:37.000 Like, Norton.

01:14:38.000 I saw Norton in Austin.

01:14:39.000 And he had, like, a 50-minute set.

01:14:41.000 I was like, wow, that's, like, almost like a perfect time.

01:14:44.000 Because he had, like, two guys go on before him. 0.98

01:14:47.000 And he fucking devastated for 50 minutes. 0.95

01:14:49.000 And then after the 50 minutes was over, he was like, he felt, like, perfect. 0.99

01:14:52.000 Like, he just nailed it.

01:14:55.000 It's like an episode of Game of Thrones.

01:14:57.000 It's about 50 minutes.

01:14:58.000 You know, it's not really an hour. 1.00

01:14:59.000 It's, like, just blasts you with hilarious shit. 0.99

01:15:02.000 And then you're like, that was great. 1.00

01:15:03.000 It was, like, the perfect amount.

01:15:06.000 There's just like a balance there.

01:15:07.000 Trying to find the perfect amount.

01:15:09.000 How much is a little too much?

01:15:10.000 How much is a little too little?

01:15:11.000 But those 10 minute sets are always too little.

01:15:12.000 It's hard.

01:15:14.000 It's not bad for fun.

01:15:15.000 No, no, no.

01:15:15.000 I love it.

01:15:16.000 I love it. 0.99

01:15:16.000 I love going to the local places and doing 15 or something just to get out of the fucking house. 0.99

01:15:21.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:15:21.000 I was out the last two nights and I had a blast. 0.99

01:15:23.000 I went to two like...

01:15:24.000 I went to my spot in Orange and packed with Dead Squad people.

01:15:29.000 People brought pictures of chimps.

01:15:30.000 Oh, I'm sure.

01:15:32.000 It's a sandwich bar.

01:15:34.000 Can you believe that?

01:15:36.000 Sandwiches.

01:15:36.000 I've told you about this place before.

01:15:38.000 And then last night I went to a place in Alhambra. 0.99

01:15:40.000 This place was on fucking fire. 0.99

01:15:44.000 Alhambra. 1.00

01:15:44.000 Comedy on a balcony. 1.00

01:15:46.000 Oh, no. 1.00

01:15:47.000 Yeah, fuck it. 1.00

01:15:50.000 Outside? 1.00

01:15:50.000 Outside on like the third floor. 1.00

01:15:52.000 Wow.

01:15:52.000 It was like the second night.

01:15:53.000 They did it like once a month.

01:15:54.000 Who was with you?

01:15:56.000 By myself.

01:15:56.000 They called me like yesterday.

01:15:57.000 We had a phone.

01:15:58.000 How was that?

01:15:59.000 What was that like?

01:15:59.000 Tremendous.

01:16:00.000 30 minutes.

01:16:00.000 I was home by 1130. And it's all people coming out to see you?

01:16:04.000 Mixed, you know, like local guys put it together and shit. 1.00

01:16:07.000 It's amazing that some weeks I stay home and some weeks I go this week I'm going out five nights just to feel what that's like. 0.99

01:16:13.000 Right.

01:16:14.000 And I'll do five nights with the Friday being the highlight of the joke.

01:16:17.000 And I'll take Saturday off.

01:16:19.000 I'm home or something.

01:16:20.000 I'll stay home. 1.00

01:16:20.000 Whatever the fuck. 1.00

01:16:21.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:16:22.000 But some nights I like doing that.

01:16:24.000 Some weeks.

01:16:24.000 Tuesday night I did something really cool.

01:16:26.000 I did Ari's thing.

01:16:28.000 Oh, the Storyteller Show?

01:16:29.000 Yeah, at the theater with Comedy Central.

01:16:31.000 And it was good to see our brother.

01:16:34.000 That was his baby.

01:16:36.000 Yeah.

01:16:36.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:16:37.000 He's filling in for Comedy Central now?

01:16:39.000 Yeah.

01:16:39.000 So it was, you know, when Ari called me, he was embarrassed.

01:16:42.000 He said, I want to touch this.

01:16:43.000 And then I go, Ari, I don't care if it goes on ComedyCentral.com. 0.99

01:16:46.000 I don't care if it ever fucking happens. 0.95

01:16:47.000 Why is he embarrassed? 0.99

01:16:48.000 You know, I can see he was like...

01:16:49.000 He thought he was going to call me like on a Carnegie Hall gig.

01:16:52.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:16:53.000 It was beautiful, Joe.

01:16:54.000 Well, if they're going to put it on ComedySensual.com, it'll get a lot of views.

01:16:57.000 Just to see that he put this together.

01:17:00.000 He had two sets worked out.

01:17:02.000 You know, the camera.

01:17:03.000 He had makeup on.

01:17:04.000 He wasn't an erotic Jew.

01:17:06.000 He wasn't mumbling, you know?

01:17:08.000 Ari's legit now.

01:17:08.000 Ari is very legit.

01:17:10.000 And it's really weird to see a guy that really paid his dues.

01:17:14.000 I saw him... 0.99

01:17:15.000 When we got to the store, he would sit back there like a nerdy motherfucker with that haircut. 0.99

01:17:20.000 And all of a sudden, one day he busted out with like 92 commercials. 1.00

01:17:24.000 And the whole time he was going out and fucking everything and he had hemorrhoids in his ass. 1.00

01:17:30.000 Remember this shit the size of a finger? 1.00

01:17:32.000 When we started taking Ari on the Road was like, what year was it? 1.00

01:17:37.000 Was it that early?

01:17:39.000 No, 2005. I'm sorry.

01:17:41.000 It was way earlier.

01:17:43.000 Yeah, way later than that.

01:17:44.000 I think it was before 2006. Because I remember it was Mike Young couldn't make a gig, and Ari came instead.

01:17:52.000 Denver, yeah.

01:17:53.000 Yeah, in Denver. 0.99

01:17:54.000 And Ari fucking destroyed. 0.99

01:17:56.000 And he was only doing comedy a few years back then. 0.98

01:17:59.000 But to him, I think it was probably the biggest crowd he'd ever had.

01:18:03.000 and then like his development from then on really a lot of it was like going up in front of these giant crowds like he went from like open mics to like doing these sold-out gigs and in between he would do the store you know and Ari went like in front of our eyes from being like a guy just starting out to being like a fucking legit headline that I would go see like if I was in like say if I lived in a town if I lived in Utah or some shit like that and Ari was going to Wise Guys I would go see Ari.

01:18:32.000 I'm a comedy fan.

01:18:33.000 I would go see that.

01:18:35.000 It's crazy to watch.

01:18:36.000 It's crazy to watch.

01:18:37.000 It's crazy to watch it happen to you too, man.

01:18:39.000 It's crazy.

01:18:40.000 And Duncan as well.

01:18:42.000 It's crazy how much it means to me now.

01:18:45.000 Early when I was here, it didn't mean to me enough now.

01:18:48.000 Now I have to sit down and write it out.

01:18:50.000 I have to really think about it.

01:18:51.000 I have to think about my thoughts.

01:18:54.000 Because I don't want people to be disappointed.

01:18:56.000 I don't want to write material that's bad for me.

01:18:59.000 I want it to be my thing.

01:19:02.000 Responsibility.

01:19:03.000 I'm the same way.

01:19:04.000 I want to do 50 minutes an hour when I want to be out.

01:19:06.000 I want to smoke dope. 0.99

01:19:07.000 I want to drink some fucking water. 1.00

01:19:10.000 Whatever. 0.99

01:19:12.000 It's been a real pleasure lately.

01:19:13.000 It's been a real... 0.88

01:19:14.000 The whole Twitter, the whole writing, it really has fucking made me sharp.

01:19:19.000 You know, the podcasting. 0.99

01:19:21.000 The fucking podcasting is to a different level now. 0.98

01:19:24.000 We get on here now, I can listen to a podcast now for 15 minutes, and I can tell what's good and bad. 0.99

01:19:29.000 It's radio-ish.

01:19:30.000 When we do a podcast, they tap into a conversation.

01:19:34.000 It's like walking in, sitting down, and going, I'm right here.

01:19:36.000 Let me finish my sandwich.

01:19:38.000 And next thing you know, you're just listening and learning.

01:19:40.000 Well, it's like they get to see you in the most real environment possible.

01:19:45.000 Like, the most real you possible.

01:19:47.000 I don't feel represented by things in 140 characters.

01:19:51.000 Like, when I write things on Twitter, a lot of times I write them like, oh, how's that going to be conveyed?

01:19:55.000 You know what I mean?

01:19:55.000 It's only 140 characters.

01:19:57.000 When I hear you say something, I know exactly what you're saying.

01:20:00.000 I know where it's coming from on you, your inflection, your pause, the seriousness in your voice, the intensity in your tone, whatever it is.

01:20:07.000 I know what you're saying.

01:20:09.000 It's hard to express yourself on Twitter.

01:20:12.000 But on the podcast, that's where people grow to love you, man.

01:20:14.000 Then they hear that voice on Twitter when they read your tweets.

01:20:18.000 They know you.

01:20:19.000 They know who you are.

01:20:20.000 So they see that in your tweets.

01:20:22.000 Then it works.

01:20:23.000 But a lot of things on Twitter, like people...

01:20:26.000 I had an issue this week where people...

01:20:30.000 I've had a few.

01:20:32.000 But people keep getting upset at things that I'll write on Twitter that I think are pretty obvious jokes.

01:20:39.000 Yeah, they're kind of douchey.

01:20:40.000 Like I said, something about male vegans. 1.00

01:20:43.000 I said, if you call yourself a male vegan, I hope you choke to death. 0.99

01:20:46.000 No, not male vegans, excuse me. 1.00

01:20:49.000 Male feminists. 0.99

01:20:50.000 I said that if you call yourself a male feminist, I hope you choke to death on vegan pizza while crying to a Lady Gaga song. 1.00

01:20:57.000 I'm just joking, alright? 1.00

01:20:59.000 We fucking lax. 0.99

01:21:02.000 140 characters, when you say something like that, people are like, oh, he hates all male feminists, or he hates feminists, or he's a chauvinist, or something like that. 0.99

01:21:10.000 No, but let's be honest. 0.91

01:21:11.000 How many guys that you talk to that are male feminists are really annoying? 1.00

01:21:15.000 How many? 0.97

01:21:16.000 It's most of them. 0.99

01:21:17.000 Most guys who are male feminists are really annoying. 0.94

01:21:20.000 Who's a male feminist? 1.00

01:21:21.000 Well, there's been a few.

01:21:23.000 Listen, the ideals behind it, nothing wrong with it.

01:21:26.000 The ideal...

01:21:26.000 Can we get some more of those coconut things?

01:21:28.000 And some of the cocoa cafes, man. 1.00

01:21:30.000 Those are the shit. 1.00

01:21:31.000 Yeah, I'll have a cocoa cafe. 1.00

01:21:33.000 But the tweet, first of all, it all started out.

01:21:37.000 I got pissed off, and I talked about this a little bit on the Ice House Chronicles. 0.99

01:21:40.000 There was some lady that was saying nasty shit about kids, like didn't like kids. 1.00

01:21:44.000 And so I wrote on Twitter that I view women who don't like kids the same way I view dogs that like to eat their own shit. 1.00

01:21:51.000 That's how I look and I'm like, what is that? 1.00

01:21:53.000 It was just being a fly on the wall during a shitty conversation. 0.79

01:21:58.000 So I write that down on Twitter. 1.00

01:21:59.000 And then people get angry at me like you're equating women to shit-eating dogs. 1.00

01:22:04.000 No, not exactly. 0.99

01:22:05.000 I mean, yes and not exactly.

01:22:07.000 What I'm basically saying is...

01:22:10.000 It's kind of a gross thing when someone doesn't like kids, and that's what I was feeling at the time.

01:22:14.000 But I probably shouldn't have wrote women. 0.99

01:22:16.000 I probably should have wrote men.

01:22:18.000 I didn't think about it because it was actually a woman who was doing it. 1.00

01:22:20.000 And I always like it when I see women that like kids, especially because I have kids. 0.97

01:22:25.000 And women that like kids are cute to the kids and it's kind of fun. 1.00

01:22:29.000 But I should have said people and not, you know, men or women.

01:22:33.000 And I should have probably said hate instead of not like. 1.00

01:22:36.000 Because people are saying, oh, like, if women don't want to have children, then they're pieces of shit. 1.00

01:22:39.000 That had nothing to do with what I meant. 1.00

01:22:41.000 I don't care if a woman doesn't want to have kids. 1.00

01:22:43.000 You should absolutely be able to do whatever you want to do.

01:22:45.000 And I could totally understand not wanting to take on the responsibility of kids if you're a woman. 1.00

01:22:49.000 That's not what I'm saying.

01:22:50.000 I don't mean doesn't want to have one.

01:22:53.000 What I meant was doesn't like them.

01:22:54.000 That's it. 1.00

01:22:55.000 People who don't like you are like, fuck the kids away from me. 1.00

01:22:59.000 That's creepy. 1.00

01:23:00.000 That irks me.

01:23:02.000 It irks me with anybody, with men or women. 0.99

01:23:03.000 But I saw a woman do it, so I tweeted about that.

01:23:06.000 Then I started getting all these white knight feminist dudes that were giving me a hard time. 1.00

01:23:11.000 I'm like, man, you weak bitches. 1.00

01:23:13.000 You better shut your mouth. 1.00

01:23:15.000 You silly fucks. 1.00

01:23:17.000 It was just like over and over again this nonsense about, you know, this contributes to violence against women and your attitudes are misogynistic. 1.00

01:23:25.000 I'm like, what?

01:23:26.000 I'm talking about someone who doesn't like kids.

01:23:29.000 That's it.

01:23:29.000 That's all I'm saying.

01:23:31.000 You know, and I'm saying in 140 characters. 0.99

01:23:33.000 And maybe it's like, it's just a stupid way to say anything controversial.

01:23:38.000 You know, maybe Twitter, if you don't want to be misunderstood, and if you don't want to have to explain yourself, don't say anything controversial.

01:23:44.000 You know, because anything, because people look, because it's such a limited form of expression, they can all of a sudden imply all sorts of meaning to it, and then write whole blogs about this implied meaning.

01:23:56.000 They all of a sudden have this whole cause, and all they're doing is misinterpreting an original statement, but because it's so narrow in its definitions, because it's only 140 characters, there's so much room for just them bullshitting and coming up with their own meaning.

01:24:11.000 I had a bunch of feminists write blogs about me. 1.00

01:24:14.000 It was hilarious, reading all this, like my misogynistic attitudes and this and that.

01:24:19.000 That's about as far from the truth as I hope.

01:24:22.000 I always try to be as open to everybody as possible.

01:24:27.000 I like being a man, but I don't have any problem with anybody just because they're a woman. 0.95

01:24:32.000 I think that's completely ridiculous. 0.99

01:24:35.000 I think, though, that there's a lot of fuckery in this world, man. 1.00

01:24:39.000 And there's a lot of people that are full of shit on both sides of the fence. 1.00

01:24:43.000 Hail Satan. 1.00

01:24:44.000 That Hail Satan thing.

01:24:48.000 Yeah, Duncan had this thing he did.

01:24:50.000 It was a wedding.

01:24:51.000 Anton LeVay.

01:24:53.000 Is that his name?

01:24:53.000 LeVay.

01:24:53.000 Anton LeVay?

01:24:54.000 Yeah.

01:24:55.000 That's him, right?

01:24:56.000 Yeah.

01:24:56.000 He asked me to do devil horns and wear his t-shirt and take a picture.

01:25:04.000 It was a cool wedding, and Dan Zig was played there with, what's that guy, Hank Williams III was there?

01:25:10.000 Yeah, I didn't get to meet that guy.

01:25:12.000 I wanted to meet him, though, because I love the wonderful whites of West Virginia.

01:25:15.000 But anyway, he goes, will you wear my shirt and do the devil horns? 1.00

01:25:18.000 We're like, yeah, fuck it, dude, I'll do it. 1.00

01:25:20.000 And then I got all these people saying, Joe Rogan is a Satanist. 1.00

01:25:23.000 For real, that is the dumbest form of Satanism. 0.98

01:25:28.000 You're really thinking that that's Satanism? 0.99

01:25:30.000 Me standing there with a tribute...

01:25:33.000 What does it say?

01:25:33.000 A tribute to what?

01:25:35.000 A tribute to...

01:25:37.000 666?

01:25:39.000 666. Whatever.

01:25:41.000 They're also saying your tattoos have Satanic things in them.

01:25:43.000 I've been seeing a lot of crazy things lately.

01:25:47.000 Your left arm, I think, has some kind of...

01:25:51.000 Satanic snake on it or something.

01:25:52.000 What? 1.00

01:25:53.000 It's a fucking dragon to represent my ferocious spirit, son. 1.00

01:25:58.000 Shame on people, though. 1.00

01:25:59.000 People are just silly. 1.00

01:26:00.000 Shame on people who take the time to fucking acknowledge that shit and to blow it up. 1.00

01:26:04.000 But we are in the Illuminati. 1.00

01:26:05.000 Well, it's, you know, but also... 0.99

01:26:07.000 No, shut up, Brian.

01:26:08.000 But it's also people on both ends. 1.00

01:26:10.000 Like, you're choosing to get upset about some really ridiculous shit. 0.97

01:26:13.000 You ever read a tweet and you go to that person's page and you go, I get it? 0.98

01:26:17.000 Once I read somebody's tweet and I go to their main page, I get it.

01:26:24.000 I get where he was coming from.

01:26:25.000 I understand why he said that.

01:26:27.000 He's a musician.

01:26:27.000 He's that.

01:26:28.000 He's a politician.

01:26:29.000 He sells this.

01:26:30.000 He likes, like, today somebody hit me.

01:26:32.000 When I read, he's a Paul Reiser fan.

01:26:34.000 I get it. 1.00

01:26:34.000 You're a fucking mook. 1.00

01:26:36.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:26:36.000 I've never met a Paul Reiser fan. 1.00

01:26:38.000 So if you're a Paul Reiser fan, shoot yourself in the fucking mouth right now. 1.00

01:26:43.000 That's it. 1.00

01:26:43.000 Oh my goodness. 1.00

01:26:45.000 If I go to somebody's page and I see music, and I know the music sucks, that's where it ends. 0.91

01:26:51.000 Because if his choice of music sucks, if I don't see fucking one of my three on there, like I remember going to people's, there's two things I judge on people. 0.92

01:26:59.000 I don't judge people by money or nothing. 0.98

01:27:00.000 I judge people by their music collection.

01:27:02.000 If I look at your music collection, you don't have Sabbath paranoia.

01:27:06.000 If you don't have the staples, Zeppelin II, those are the staples.

01:27:09.000 If you don't have Zeppelin II, why are we here?

01:27:11.000 I'm not smoking dope with you. 1.00

01:27:13.000 Why are you wasting my fucking time? 1.00

01:27:15.000 I'm over here, you got like the best of Judy Grant. 1.00

01:27:18.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:27:19.000 And number two, when you open up somebody's refrigerator.

01:27:22.000 Yeah, it's true.

01:27:23.000 That tells me everything. 1.00

01:27:25.000 If you're a fucking mook, if you're a mutt, if I see like low-end beer, you're a fucking mutt. 1.00

01:27:29.000 I ain't never coming here now. 1.00

01:27:30.000 Aren't there certain people that they have music laying around just because it's cool?

01:27:35.000 Tons of them.

01:27:36.000 There's a generation of people that want to say, and I know this, and I don't hate you, because I'm kind of the same way that they don't want to like Floyd.

01:27:47.000 They prefer to listen to, oh, that's so commercialized.

01:27:51.000 Listen to more receipt.

01:27:52.000 They make you feel bad.

01:27:54.000 The worst being that Tom Waits. 1.00

01:27:58.000 Those motherfuckers are the ones I want to punch them right in the fucking face. 1.00

01:28:01.000 Because they're the ones, you're having a good time listening to something, you're bopping, and they want to really impress some fucking dumb chick with freckles or something. 1.00

01:28:09.000 Everybody's fucked already. 1.00

01:28:11.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:28:11.000 Everybody's fucked. 1.00

01:28:12.000 All you need is tequila and a gram of blow and she'll be sucking your dick in the fucking bathroom. 1.00

01:28:16.000 But you want to be cool. 1.00

01:28:17.000 And listen to Tom Waits.

01:28:19.000 Have you listened to Tom Waits?

01:28:21.000 Yeah, it's not my style.

01:28:24.000 That's good singing. 1.00

01:28:25.000 You're fucking an idiot. 1.00

01:28:26.000 But the only reason that people would put that shit on is to try to overpower you with their fucking Star Wars. 1.00

01:28:33.000 What do you call that? 1.00

01:28:33.000 The fucking thing with the mind jetty. 1.00

01:28:35.000 Of course. 1.00

01:28:36.000 The mind jetty fucking trick. 1.00

01:28:37.000 That's it. 1.00

01:28:38.000 Oh, he's so...

01:28:39.000 Oh my God, he likes Tom White.

01:28:41.000 Listen to that.

01:28:41.000 Right, they're trying to make themselves.

01:28:42.000 Let me sit you down with a gun next to your head. 1.00

01:28:44.000 You tell me if that's true. 0.99

01:28:46.000 That's good singing. 1.00

01:28:47.000 That's good fucking singing. 1.00

01:28:49.000 That's the Beatles. 1.00

01:28:50.000 I'll fucking shoot you. 1.00

01:28:52.000 I'll fucking put a gun to your fucking head, all right? 1.00

01:28:55.000 Telling me that's good music. 1.00

01:28:56.000 You're fucking 20 years old. 1.00

01:28:58.000 Knock it off. 1.00

01:28:58.000 Like when somebody says they like the Dave Matthews band, I will pistol whip you to death. 1.00

01:29:03.000 I will pistol whip you. 1.00

01:29:05.000 I have satellite on the way up here. 0.96

01:29:07.000 And they were doing Exodus. 0.99

01:29:09.000 They were doing Exodus by fucking Bob Marley. 1.00

01:29:12.000 I almost crashed the fucking car. 1.00

01:29:14.000 Dave Matthews, a white dude with no shoes on and a black new plane. 1.00

01:29:18.000 It's fucking, it's too, it's too made up, Uncle Joey. 1.00

01:29:21.000 Stop it. 1.00

01:29:22.000 I think he's got some good songs.

01:29:24.000 Dave Matthews got a few good songs.

01:29:25.000 Please, you get me emotional.

01:29:27.000 Thank God I got the other one here. 1.00

01:29:29.000 Fuck this shit. 1.00

01:29:30.000 I was too quiet over here. 1.00

01:29:31.000 I hate all that shit. 1.00

01:29:33.000 Just listen. 1.00

01:29:33.000 You don't like it, just move over. 1.00

01:29:35.000 I can't stand fucking Tom Waits. 0.97

01:29:36.000 And the people who like Tom Waits, look at them and go to their page. 0.99

01:29:39.000 And they'll tell you the whole thing like that.

01:29:41.000 Something ain't right.

01:29:42.000 They're vegans.

01:29:44.000 Something.

01:29:45.000 They're, you know, stop the pilgrims.

01:29:47.000 They care for something that you're like, really?

01:29:49.000 I always think that Tom Waits is a guy who probably has a song that I would like, but I don't want to go find it.

01:29:54.000 He's probably like one or two of the songs.

01:29:56.000 Put one song. 1.00

01:29:57.000 Pick a fucking song. 1.00

01:29:58.000 I don't think you're allowed to do that. 1.00

01:29:58.000 Pick a song, and it sounds like he's taking a shit. 1.00

01:30:01.000 It sounds like a dude. 1.00

01:30:04.000 Like, what the fuck is this moron singing about? 1.00

01:30:07.000 And I know people are going, oh my god, he's a revolution. 1.00

01:30:10.000 No, no, no. 1.00

01:30:10.000 Paul McCartney's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:30:12.000 Why? 1.00

01:30:13.000 He's alive.

01:30:14.000 Everybody else is dead.

01:30:15.000 Paul McCartney won this war.

01:30:17.000 It's true.

01:30:18.000 Leonard's dead.

01:30:19.000 George Harris is dead.

01:30:20.000 Everybody's dead.

01:30:21.000 Michael Jackson's dead.

01:30:23.000 Dead.

01:30:23.000 Paul McCartney's still doing plastic stuff.

01:30:25.000 Even his wife. 1.00

01:30:26.000 He killed the fucking Lipton chick. 1.00

01:30:29.000 Didn't her parents own fucking Kodak? 1.00

01:30:32.000 She's dead, too. 1.00

01:30:33.000 Remember?

01:30:33.000 He moved her.

01:30:34.000 He didn't know. 1.00

01:30:35.000 He drove her to get a fucking sandwich. 1.00

01:30:36.000 He died in the car. 1.00

01:30:37.000 Remember, dog?

01:30:39.000 Then he had the one with the missing leg.

01:30:41.000 McCartney lives. 1.00

01:30:43.000 McCartney won this fucking game. 1.00

01:30:46.000 He outwon everybody. 1.00

01:30:47.000 McCartney outlived everybody. 0.99

01:30:50.000 The only one, him, Elton John, Bowie, Mick Jagger, which he don't even want to fuck with. 1.00

01:30:54.000 All those other guys think Mick Jagger's a filthy motherfucker anyway. 1.00

01:30:57.000 Do they? 1.00

01:30:58.000 Oh, they hate that motherfucker. 1.00

01:30:59.000 Why do they hate Mick Jagger? 1.00

01:31:00.000 Because look at him.

01:31:00.000 You want to just strangle Mick Jagger.

01:31:02.000 Why?

01:31:03.000 Mick Jagger's a different dude.

01:31:05.000 Mick Jagger comes across.

01:31:06.000 Mick Jagger, what was his background?

01:31:08.000 I don't know.

01:31:09.000 Look at his background.

01:31:09.000 His background's like he went to the best business school.

01:31:12.000 Did you know that?

01:31:13.000 Really?

01:31:14.000 Yeah, in England. 0.99

01:31:14.000 He's like a fucking wizard economist or something. 0.99

01:31:17.000 No shit. 1.00

01:31:18.000 Yeah, he don't do nothing unless you show up with a big bank book. 0.99

01:31:22.000 I know in Boulder, we talked about this in the podcast one time in Boulder.

01:31:26.000 You know how in concerts the seats behind you?

01:31:28.000 Uh-huh.

01:31:29.000 Sell them.

01:31:31.000 But Mr. Jagger, nobody sells the tickets behind them.

01:31:33.000 They won't buy it.

01:31:34.000 I'm Mick Jagger.

01:31:36.000 Sell those tickets so we don't go on stage. 1.00

01:31:38.000 Have you heard their new shit? 1.00

01:31:39.000 It's horrible. 1.00

01:31:40.000 It's not that bad.

01:31:41.000 Their new song is not that bad.

01:31:42.000 Really?

01:31:42.000 It's not that bad?

01:31:43.000 I don't know.

01:31:43.000 I just think...

01:31:44.000 He just went right with it.

01:31:46.000 It's horrible.

01:31:47.000 I don't know.

01:31:48.000 Let me see if I can find it.

01:31:49.000 Let's help them.

01:31:50.000 Let's promote the Rolling Stones. 0.99

01:31:53.000 I think they give a fuck. 0.99

01:31:55.000 How funny is that? 1.00

01:31:56.000 Yeah, we'll help you out, Rolling Stones.

01:31:58.000 I know you need this little podcast.

01:32:01.000 He's got a book that somebody wrote about him, and they interview somebody.

01:32:05.000 Who's the chick that's saying, you know, you're so vain.

01:32:09.000 Carly Simon?

01:32:09.000 Carly Simon sat next to him.

01:32:11.000 She was awesome.

01:32:12.000 At some movie premiere or something.

01:32:13.000 Mick Jagger sat next to him.

01:32:15.000 He was like, dog, you got a joint?

01:32:16.000 No.

01:32:17.000 You got a Kuala? 0.97

01:32:18.000 No.

01:32:18.000 You got a bump of coke?

01:32:19.000 No. 1.00

01:32:19.000 How about a blowjob? 1.00

01:32:21.000 Mick Jagger just killed bitches. 1.00

01:32:22.000 How do you know if he really says that? 1.00

01:32:23.000 Because he's... 0.99

01:32:24.000 Bro, this guy married his wife, and he married in a country where fucking it wasn't even legal to be married. 0.99

01:32:30.000 This guy's one step ahead of the game. 1.00

01:32:32.000 All he gives a fuck is getting his dick sucked. 1.00

01:32:35.000 He's 60-something. 1.00

01:32:36.000 You think Stallone's shooting shit? 1.00

01:32:38.000 This guy all spit slaps Stallone with his dick. 1.00

01:32:40.000 This guy's shooting everything. 1.00

01:32:42.000 He's got kids. 0.99

01:32:43.000 Every six months, he fucks a new model. 0.98

01:32:45.000 How many kids Mick Jagger got? 0.92

01:32:46.000 I don't know.

01:32:47.000 How many kids you got?

01:32:47.000 Pull up the song.

01:32:49.000 It's called One More Shot, I think.

01:32:51.000 Hold on a second.

01:32:52.000 That would automatically get us banned from YouTube.

01:32:56.000 You think so?

01:32:56.000 Yeah.

01:32:57.000 Nobody, nobody.

01:32:58.000 I feel like we should just do it. 1.00

01:32:59.000 Nobody slung more dick. 1.00

01:33:00.000 Listen, Will Chamberlain said he fucked over 100 women or whatever, 1,000 women. 1.00

01:33:04.000 But I believe nobody fucked more women than Sinatra and Mick Jagger. 0.99

01:33:12.000 Can we play one little excerpt of it? 0.99

01:33:15.000 Not even like a little, really? 0.99

01:33:17.000 Damn, YouTube. 0.99

01:33:18.000 That's whack. 1.00

01:33:19.000 Yeah.

01:33:20.000 We need to work something out with YouTube.

01:33:21.000 YouTube, hook us up, please.

01:33:22.000 So the new Stones is good?

01:33:24.000 Not bad, man.

01:33:26.000 I know they released like a song, but I don't know with them no more. 0.99

01:33:29.000 The fucking Stones. 0.99

01:33:30.000 The Stones are the biggest business merger ever. 1.00

01:33:33.000 They release six old songs and two new ones, and they bang you out for another $19.95.

01:33:38.000 I don't know.

01:33:39.000 Dude, when he came back, or when it was like, what is it, like 90-ish, 89, 89, 90, they had like one big hit again.

01:33:49.000 What was that one big hit they had? 0.94

01:33:51.000 Okay, so 81 was Shattered and all that shit. 0.98

01:33:54.000 Yeah. 0.87

01:33:54.000 And then after that it was the other one. 0.87

01:33:56.000 They took some time off and then they came back.

01:33:58.000 Neighbors, not that album.

01:34:00.000 Then it kept going.

01:34:01.000 You guys like Bruce Springsteen?

01:34:02.000 No.

01:34:03.000 Thank God.

01:34:04.000 Dad, I'm from Jersey. 1.00

01:34:04.000 I want to stab that motherfucker, too. 1.00

01:34:06.000 Yeah, I like some bridge. 1.00

01:34:08.000 I like the first album.

01:34:09.000 I ain't gonna lie.

01:34:09.000 I like 10th Avenue, Freeze Out.

01:34:11.000 Yeah, oh, dude.

01:34:12.000 I like Darkness on the Edge of Town.

01:34:15.000 But after that, Born in the USA with a t-shirt, him jumping up and down, cashing checks. 1.00

01:34:19.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:34:20.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:34:21.000 Fuck you, cucksucker. 1.00

01:34:23.000 I don't like to know more either. 1.00

01:34:24.000 Cash and Jack, fuck you. 1.00

01:34:26.000 Born in the USA. What the fuck? 1.00

01:34:29.000 Well, he puts on a four-hour show. 1.00

01:34:31.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:34:32.000 After two hours, I gotta get out of here. 0.99

01:34:35.000 It's so weird how he's like, especially people on the East Coast, that's their Sinatra.

01:34:40.000 He's a really emotional songwriter, man. 0.99

01:34:43.000 He's got some great fucking songs. 1.00

01:34:45.000 Thunder Road, that is a great, great fucking song. 1.00

01:34:48.000 But this is what happens. 0.99

01:34:50.000 What happens is when a guy gets super famous, it's really hard to keep up that struggle.

01:34:54.000 And so you sort of become at least a partial parody of yourself. 0.99

01:34:59.000 Have you seen him lately with that fucked up haircut like this is a fucking marine? 1.00

01:35:02.000 He's beautiful. 1.00

01:35:03.000 Oh, he gets on my last fucking nose. 1.00

01:35:04.000 He's beautiful. 0.99

01:35:05.000 The guy to me still, he came up with Born to Run, man. 0.99

01:35:08.000 Oh, I love all that shit, but enough already. 0.99

01:35:10.000 Take a retirement. 1.00

01:35:11.000 It's over.

01:35:11.000 He comes out.

01:35:12.000 You see how he plays the guitar?

01:35:14.000 Like he's doing something spectacular. 1.00

01:35:15.000 He knows like four fucking chords. 1.00

01:35:17.000 Knock it off. 1.00

01:35:19.000 I'm sorry. 1.00

01:35:20.000 He gets on my last fucking nose. 1.00

01:35:24.000 I'm a Sinatra type dude anyway, you motherfuckers. 1.00

01:35:27.000 And Bon Jovi is shit I like too. 1.00

01:35:29.000 I'm a Bon Jovi type of motherfucker. 1.00

01:35:32.000 But not anymore. 1.00

01:35:34.000 87, Slippery When Wet, Wanted, Dead or Alive. 0.98

01:35:37.000 You guys are talking mad shit, because Born to Run is a thousand times better than any of those songs. 1.00

01:35:42.000 No, no, Born to Run is better than that shit. 1.00

01:35:45.000 Tenth Avenue Freeze Out. 1.00

01:35:47.000 Tremendous, tremendous.

01:35:50.000 I'll tell you what, Bruce Springsteen, when he had the divorce...

01:35:55.000 Then he came out with some jamming music, man, because he felt really broken hearted over him and this chick breaking up.

01:36:02.000 So he came out with that brilliant Disguise song. 0.99

01:36:05.000 That's a great fucking song. 1.00

01:36:07.000 That is a great fucking song. 1.00

01:36:08.000 He came back with some strong shit after that chick crushed him. 1.00

01:36:12.000 Hey, little girl, what do you do to you? 1.00

01:36:14.000 You wanna send a date?

01:36:16.000 Give mama a two. 1.00

01:36:18.000 I'm on fire. 0.99

01:36:20.000 Stop giving me AIDS. No one would ever make that song today. 0.88

01:36:23.000 Hey, little girl, is your daddy home.

01:36:25.000 I had a bad desire.

01:36:26.000 What? 0.99

01:36:27.000 Who the fuck would make that song today? 0.99

01:36:30.000 You couldn't do that song in the age of the internet. 1.00

01:36:32.000 They would crucify you.

01:36:33.000 They would go after you.

01:36:35.000 The fake Rick Ross lost Reebok as a sponsor.

01:36:38.000 Did you hear about that?

01:36:39.000 Oh, really? 0.99

01:36:40.000 Oh, yeah, that's so ridiculous. 1.00

01:36:41.000 The Sacred Cross made some rhetoric about raping chicks. 1.00

01:36:45.000 Raping, yeah. 1.00

01:36:46.000 Dosing them with molly, putting molly in their drink, and she didn't even know it.

01:36:50.000 You know, something along those lines.

01:36:51.000 Yeah.

01:36:52.000 And banging chicks while they're asleep. 0.58

01:36:54.000 Why did I ever have the desire to molly a chick or give a chick a roofie? 1.00

01:36:57.000 I'm a dirty animal. 0.99

01:36:59.000 Because you got game, son. 0.99

01:37:00.000 No, even in the young days.

01:37:01.000 That's true.

01:37:02.000 I would ask a chick if she wanted to eat a roofie. 1.00

01:37:04.000 I had like three girls. 0.56

01:37:05.000 Dog, I had this little juke brought in both of us.

01:37:08.000 She would eat roofies on Sundays with me and we'd freak. 1.00

01:37:10.000 She wouldn't let me fuck her, but she let me eat her ass in the 69 and shit. 1.00

01:37:14.000 Wow. 1.00

01:37:14.000 But she wouldn't let you fuck her? 1.00

01:37:16.000 Nah, she had like a boyfriend that was in the Navy or something. 1.00

01:37:18.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

01:37:19.000 And she kept Hope alive.

01:37:20.000 Yeah, but we'd go to our house.

01:37:21.000 We'd eat a roofie.

01:37:22.000 We'd split a roofie.

01:37:23.000 Because she liked them, too.

01:37:24.000 We had to go to Lehigh Road right up the corner.

01:37:26.000 There was like an industrial park up there.

01:37:28.000 Some dude did a sheet ride.

01:37:30.000 Not sheet ride.

01:37:30.000 Sheet metal.

01:37:31.000 And he sold roofies.

01:37:32.000 She drove me up there.

01:37:33.000 He gave me a couple roofies.

01:37:35.000 We popped on the Lord's Day. 1.00

01:37:36.000 We'd split a fucking roofie. 1.00

01:37:37.000 Go have a couple margaritas. 1.00

01:37:39.000 You talk about bad karma, man.

01:37:40.000 You're selling roofies.

01:37:41.000 Just, here, go ahead.

01:37:42.000 Do with these what you will.

01:37:43.000 No, no, no.

01:37:43.000 But I was responsible with the roofies.

01:37:45.000 I don't like that.

01:37:46.000 No, you.

01:37:46.000 No, no.

01:37:47.000 I'm saying the guy who's selling on you.

01:37:48.000 I couldn't imagine doing that to a chick. 1.00

01:37:51.000 Listen, I'll work hard for it. 1.00

01:37:52.000 I'll take you home with an 8-ball and then switch it up on you and give you aspirin until you suck my dick. 1.00

01:37:56.000 You know what? 1.00

01:37:57.000 I'll run you through the fucking walls like the Egyptians. 1.00

01:37:59.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:38:01.000 But I can't see that. 1.00

01:38:03.000 I can never see root and deuce in a chick. 1.00

01:38:04.000 Well, that's real sweet of you, Joey. 0.86

01:38:10.000 I'm telling you, dog, I think rape is wrong. 0.98

01:38:12.000 I'm just saying.

01:38:13.000 I just think it's wrong.

01:38:14.000 I mean, you know, I can't believe you do it.

01:38:16.000 I can't even watch Law& Order SVU. I love Law& Order.

01:38:21.000 The one where they fucking rape, I can't watch it. 1.00

01:38:23.000 That's hard. 1.00

01:38:24.000 For like 10 minutes, I'm like, I can't watch this shit. 1.00

01:38:25.000 Yeah, we all know that happens. 1.00

01:38:28.000 After a while, when you know that a certain amount of violent crime takes place, then you're watching bodies on TV. I was watching it the other night.

01:38:35.000 It was at the airport.

01:38:36.000 And in the middle of the airport, they're playing one of those shows, like Law& SVU or something like that.

01:38:42.000 And I'm seeing a body.

01:38:45.000 I don't know if it was a commercial. 1.00

01:38:47.000 I don't know what the fuck it was. 0.99

01:38:48.000 But I was like, wow, that's pretty graphic. 0.99

01:38:50.000 Who wants to see that?

01:38:52.000 Who wants to see that?

01:38:54.000 Now that I'm thinking about it, was it in an airport or was it in a store?

01:38:57.000 I think it was in a store.

01:38:58.000 Either way, the important thing is that seeing those images on those shows, they're repeating over and over and over again.

01:39:06.000 They have all these graphic images of bodies and pulling things out of bodies.

01:39:10.000 It's pretty intense.

01:39:11.000 You're taking that stuff into your psyche.

01:39:13.000 You're taking that stuff into your bank of experiences.

01:39:17.000 I don't like sexual stuff on television early.

01:39:19.000 Can you believe that?

01:39:20.000 You mean like girls making out? 0.95

01:39:22.000 No, let's say I'm watching Diane Sawyer and I have like a condom commercial. 1.00

01:39:25.000 I'll fucking lose my mind. 0.99

01:39:26.000 A condom commercial will bother you? 1.00

01:39:28.000 Oh, it's still.

01:39:29.000 Tampon really destroys you. 0.99

01:39:44.000 I don't want them to ask me if I know, and I don't want to fucking know if blood comes out of your snatch. 0.99

01:39:53.000 And what you put up there, that's got nothing to do with me. 0.98

01:39:56.000 I'm just going to look straight at it.

01:39:56.000 Don't even bring it up.

01:39:57.000 You know how there's some women that's cute? 1.00

01:39:59.000 Yeah.

01:40:00.000 Like, they think it's cute.

01:40:00.000 Like, hold on, I got to go get a tampon.

01:40:02.000 Listen, I don't want to know.

01:40:03.000 I don't want to know if you're bleeding.

01:40:04.000 You just ruined everything for me.

01:40:06.000 I don't want to know.

01:40:07.000 Does that really bother you?

01:40:09.000 That bothers me.

01:40:09.000 He hates the sight of blood.

01:40:11.000 No, no, no, no, no, no. 1.00

01:40:12.000 I hate the sight of talking about that your fucking pussy's bleeding around me. 1.00

01:40:16.000 That's what I fucking hate. 1.00

01:40:17.000 Even when they have it in their purse, I get sick to my fucking stomach. 1.00

01:40:20.000 I don't want to see a fucking tampon around me. 1.00

01:40:22.000 I don't want to fucking see a tampon at all, alright? 0.99

01:40:25.000 When I'm watching TV and a tampon commercial comes out, even when I'm by myself, I feel creepy. 0.99

01:40:31.000 That's so weird. 1.00

01:40:32.000 And condom commercials, that new commercial with the chick's head popping out, or the fucking thing that you put on your finger. 1.00

01:40:39.000 Have you seen that fucking commercial, the chick with the creepy finger? 1.00

01:40:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:42.000 This is great to relieve stress.

01:40:44.000 You know what, man? 1.00

01:40:45.000 I don't want to know about that shit. 1.00

01:40:47.000 What the fuck is that?! 1.00

01:40:49.000 Oh my god!

01:40:50.000 That's a zombie.

01:40:51.000 Oh my god.

01:40:52.000 What is that?

01:40:52.000 Is that a zombie?

01:40:54.000 Put that away.

01:40:55.000 Oh my god.

01:40:56.000 That's broken.

01:40:56.000 That one's broken.

01:40:57.000 That is just...

01:40:58.000 That offends me.

01:40:59.000 Don't even get that one fixed. 0.99

01:41:00.000 To this day, anything vaginal sprays, anything vaginal on television before like 10 o'clock drives me up a fucking wall. 0.99

01:41:08.000 I've never had a period problem. 0.99

01:41:11.000 It doesn't bother me.

01:41:12.000 Never had my own period.

01:41:13.000 Well, I have my own period every now and then.

01:41:15.000 But I've never had a period problem, like a problem with a girl's period. 0.63

01:41:19.000 It doesn't bother me at all. 0.89

01:41:20.000 I told you the one I had to this day, and it was fucked up because my mother had just died, and it was the first time a chick called me. 0.86

01:41:28.000 That was my first booty call ever. 0.89

01:41:30.000 I had dated this girl before.

01:41:32.000 She was a cheerleader at Franklin School.

01:41:34.000 I played hoops at McKinley, and we had messed around a little bit.

01:41:36.000 Not really sex.

01:41:37.000 I don't remember, Joe. 1.00

01:41:38.000 I think I sucked the titties. 0.99

01:41:40.000 I knew her brother. 1.00

01:41:41.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.98

01:41:42.000 We were in grammar school, high school, and I had sucked the titties or something after a dance or something. 0.96

01:41:48.000 And after my mother died, I was home for a week, and this lady was taking care of me. 0.99

01:41:52.000 And I get this call one night, and there's this chick, and she goes, you know, you want to get together? 0.99

01:41:56.000 And I was feeling bad, you know? 1.00

01:41:58.000 I didn't know she was going to throw me a little lottery pussy, like my little funeral pussy. 1.00

01:42:02.000 I never got a funeral pussy, but it exists, you know? 1.00

01:42:04.000 Funeral pussy? 1.00

01:42:05.000 Yeah, like after somebody dies in your family, some chick calls you and sucks your dick. 1.00

01:42:09.000 Really? 1.00

01:42:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:42:10.000 Because they feel bad?

01:42:11.000 Maybe they're like one of those women that hang out at comedy clubs. 1.00

01:42:16.000 Groupies?

01:42:16.000 Groupies, yeah.

01:42:17.000 They like to have sex with people after somebody dies. 1.00

01:42:20.000 I'm serious. 0.98

01:42:21.000 But I knew her.

01:42:22.000 She probably just called me out of the kindness of my heart to make me feel well. 0.99

01:42:25.000 So I walked from 38th Street to 46, grabbed this bitch. 1.00

01:42:29.000 And walk back to my house on 38th Street. 0.99

01:42:31.000 I'm all fucking horned up. 0.94

01:42:33.000 We start swatting. 0.99

01:42:33.000 I take her pants off. 0.99

01:42:35.000 I pop her panties off and the Kotex pops out of her pussy like a tongue in one of those fucking haunted houses, right? 1.00

01:42:42.000 Like this, like this. 1.00

01:42:45.000 They come up like that.

01:42:46.000 Like that.

01:42:49.000 And I just sat there frozen like I had never seen that before.

01:42:53.000 I had never smelled that before.

01:42:54.000 I had never been around anything like that.

01:42:56.000 My mother had just died.

01:42:57.000 That was traumatic enough. 1.00

01:42:59.000 This would just set me over the fucking cliff. 1.00

01:43:02.000 How that woman's still alive to this day? 1.00

01:43:05.000 I don't even look on Facebook because I might kill her. 1.00

01:43:09.000 She fucked me up, Joe Rogan. 1.00

01:43:12.000 Fucked me up. 1.00

01:43:12.000 I told her to put her pants on. 1.00

01:43:14.000 I remember walking home the whole time.

01:43:16.000 I didn't know how to control myself.

01:43:18.000 I didn't know how to control myself. 1.00

01:43:21.000 To this day, I think about that motherfucker. 1.00

01:43:23.000 That's hilarious. 0.99

01:43:24.000 Because she thought, I don't know, that's the first time I ever seen a woman with a period and the last. 0.99

01:43:29.000 I made it a fucking point. 0.99

01:43:31.000 That's so funny. 0.99

01:43:32.000 I don't care how old I am.

01:43:34.000 If I'm in a bar, I got a bag of coke, and somewhere along the light, that chick says she got a period. 0.99

01:43:39.000 That's where the conversation ends.

01:43:41.000 It ends.

01:43:42.000 There's no more talking.

01:43:43.000 They used to have this freak.

01:43:45.000 There used to be this chick I used to mess around with in Hollywood, and I knew her cycle. 1.00

01:43:50.000 She would have a period from the 20th to the 25th.

01:43:52.000 I wouldn't answer her calls those five nights, dawg.

01:43:54.000 Like six or seven nights just to make sure everything cleared.

01:43:57.000 Wow.

01:43:58.000 And she never figured it out till this day.

01:44:00.000 That's hilarious.

01:44:00.000 She's never figured it out.

01:44:01.000 I wouldn't bring coke over there.

01:44:03.000 I can't. 1.00

01:44:03.000 I'm going to waste coke on a bloody pussy. 1.00

01:44:08.000 Fuck it. 1.00

01:44:08.000 I'll smoke it by myself and jerk off. 1.00

01:44:09.000 But doesn't it still feel good? 0.99

01:44:11.000 Is it just the way it looks?

01:44:12.000 You don't like the way it looks?

01:44:13.000 No, no, no.

01:44:13.000 It's warmer.

01:44:14.000 I like it.

01:44:15.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:44:17.000 There's blood.

01:44:18.000 Is that bad enough for you? 1.00

01:44:19.000 There's fucking blood. 1.00

01:44:20.000 Is that bad enough for you right there that you're fucking blood? 1.00

01:44:24.000 No matter what you're doing, you're fucking blood. 1.00

01:44:26.000 I know you like it. 1.00

01:44:27.000 I know Redman.

01:44:28.000 Pull out the tampon, a little gravy comes out.

01:44:30.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:44:32.000 No, you son of a bitch. 1.00

01:44:35.000 That's the problem, is you don't want to look at the blood that's on the tampon, because that's blood that came out a month ago, or whatever it is. 1.00

01:44:42.000 Remember Grill 93?

01:44:44.000 It's all dried up and coagulated.

01:44:45.000 Remember Grill 93?

01:44:46.000 Yes.

01:44:47.000 Remember in Boston?

01:44:48.000 I never did that gig.

01:44:49.000 Okay, I did that gig.

01:44:50.000 That happened after I left.

01:44:52.000 Right, so it was a Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday open mic.

01:44:55.000 So you did the weekend, Thursday was an open mic, and I would headline.

01:44:58.000 And then you did the weekend, and then you...

01:45:00.000 And then you stayed the week, and during the week I would do Monday at Faneuil Hall, Tuesday some room in fucking Quincy, Thursday Wooster, and then I'd go back to the Aku Aku or whatever.

01:45:12.000 But the point of the story is, one Sunday at that place, I had met her before, an open mic girl that was in the Navy.

01:45:20.000 And the hotel at Club 56 was right next door.

01:45:23.000 And she's like, I'm kind of tipsy.

01:45:24.000 And I kind of liked it.

01:45:25.000 She had a crush on me.

01:45:26.000 We started swapping spit.

01:45:27.000 We went next door.

01:45:28.000 That was the first time I was involved in one of those dark light swapping spit things.

01:45:32.000 We just kissed somebody in the dark.

01:45:33.000 We were all over the place on the bed.

01:45:35.000 And I remember my pants came off. 1.00

01:45:36.000 Her shit came off. 1.00

01:45:37.000 And I'm giving this chick a stabbing. 1.00

01:45:39.000 But this chick's pussy was fucking wet as fuck. 1.00

01:45:41.000 And I'm banging this like a soldier. 1.00

01:45:43.000 And these days I had stamina.

01:45:44.000 This is like 98. I was a savage before I got before the belt.

01:45:48.000 And Doug, I turned the light on and there was blood everywhere.

01:45:51.000 Yeah, see, it felt good, right? 0.93

01:45:52.000 No, it didn't feel fucking good at all.

01:45:54.000 I knew something wasn't right. 0.88

01:45:55.000 I could smell salty. 0.99

01:45:56.000 It smelled fucked up in the room. 0.99

01:45:58.000 Salty? 0.99

01:45:59.000 Something. 1.00

01:45:59.000 It smelled something in the fucking room. 1.00

01:46:00.000 That's probably you, motherfucker. 1.00

01:46:02.000 No, no, no, dog. 1.00

01:46:03.000 I'm on fire.

01:46:03.000 No, no, no.

01:46:04.000 You know...

01:46:04.000 You smell good?

01:46:05.000 No, I'm a water dude.

01:46:06.000 You know I like water, dog.

01:46:07.000 I get my nuts. 1.00

01:46:08.000 When I go home now, I take a fucking shower. 1.00

01:46:10.000 Before I go do comedy, I take a shower. 1.00

01:46:12.000 I take a shower before I go to the gym. 0.98

01:46:14.000 That's how fucking clean I am. 0.98

01:46:15.000 I've always felt bad when chicks feel bad about it. 1.00

01:46:18.000 No, I would never call somebody a bloody fuck. 0.99

01:46:20.000 It doesn't bother me. 1.00

01:46:20.000 I don't even get involved. 1.00

01:46:21.000 It bothers the fuck out of me. 0.88

01:46:22.000 It's just red.

01:46:24.000 Whatever.

01:46:24.000 No, no, no.

01:46:26.000 No one's getting hurt.

01:46:27.000 She's fine.

01:46:28.000 No.

01:46:28.000 A lot of times they're extra horny too.

01:46:30.000 Yeah.

01:46:31.000 A lot of times girls on their periods are like, argh! 1.00

01:46:33.000 You like it, Joe?

01:46:34.000 You don't mind.

01:46:35.000 It doesn't bother me.

01:46:35.000 I don't care.

01:46:36.000 What about the sheets and shit? 0.99

01:46:38.000 I think it's wetter. 0.99

01:46:40.000 I think it feels better.

01:46:40.000 Who cares?

01:46:43.000 You put down a towel. 1.00

01:46:44.000 There's shit to worry about in this life. 0.99

01:46:45.000 I don't think that's one of them. 0.99

01:46:47.000 You have a period towel.

01:46:48.000 You make chicks feel bad, man. 0.98

01:46:50.000 No, I'm not trying to make nobody feel bad.

01:46:53.000 Listen, some people don't like snakes.

01:46:55.000 I like snakes.

01:46:57.000 How are you equating snakes to a girl's period? 1.00

01:47:00.000 The fucking same thing. 1.00

01:47:02.000 Heartless monsters. 1.00

01:47:03.000 It'll fucking consume your soul. 1.00

01:47:04.000 It's right there, cocksucker. 1.00

01:47:06.000 What I got to spell it out for you. 1.00

01:47:07.000 Snake, pussy, pussy, snake. 1.00

01:47:10.000 Adam and Eve. 0.99

01:47:10.000 Not everybody likes the same things in life. 0.99

01:47:13.000 You know, people know.

01:47:14.000 If you can't handle that in your life, people don't like certain things.

01:47:17.000 Oh yeah, no doubt.

01:47:18.000 I just don't like that. 0.93

01:47:19.000 Some chicks don't like fat guys. 0.99

01:47:21.000 You know, whatever.

01:47:22.000 Some chicks, you know, some people don't like it. 1.00

01:47:24.000 I just never liked it.

01:47:25.000 Remember the time you realized, it was probably in your early 20s or whatever, that some girls not only want you to come in their mouth, and other girls get mad if you come in their mouth.

01:47:37.000 Like, hmm, there's a different thing.

01:47:41.000 There's a very different response here.

01:47:42.000 Yeah.

01:47:43.000 You know, like, some girls will say, don't come in my mouth. 1.00

01:47:46.000 And you're like, oh, okay.

01:47:47.000 And then other girls will be like, come in my mouth. 1.00

01:47:49.000 Like, whoa, for real?

01:47:50.000 Like, does she really want that?

01:47:52.000 Is she trying to trick me?

01:47:53.000 Like, what is going on here? 1.00

01:47:54.000 I like the girl that after you fuck her, she always wants to take a little taste of it. 1.00

01:47:58.000 Like, almost, like, every single time. 1.00

01:47:59.000 That's a dirty bitch that wants to eat her own pussy, but she's too lazy to work out and stretch. 1.00

01:48:04.000 She's too lazy to become one of those contortionists. 1.00

01:48:08.000 That's what that is. 1.00

01:48:09.000 She just likes to taste it for her own pussy. 1.00

01:48:10.000 The worst is when you're eating out a girl and she is on her period and you don't realize it until the next day and you see the dried blood all over your face and you go to the store and there's a clot in your tooth. 1.00

01:48:19.000 I think that's an alcohol and drug problem, really. 0.99

01:48:21.000 It's how the fuck you not knowing what's going on. 1.00

01:48:24.000 You're eating this girl's pussy and it tastes like a bag of pennies. 1.00

01:48:27.000 Like, what the fuck is going on here? 1.00

01:48:30.000 That's disgusting. 0.99

01:48:31.000 That was really, really, really to an all-time high of distrust. 1.00

01:48:37.000 I have heard some disgusting fucking things, Brian. 1.00

01:48:41.000 I don't mind licking like a drug's ass. 1.00

01:48:43.000 I like all that. 1.00

01:48:44.000 It's just the blood. 0.99

01:48:45.000 You're very gross. 1.00

01:48:46.000 You'll take shit over blood. 1.00

01:48:48.000 Ah, little shit ain't gonna hurt you, Joe Rogan. 1.00

01:48:50.000 The blood from fucking vampires. 1.00

01:48:52.000 How many fucking... 1.00

01:48:53.000 By the way, the original vampire... 1.00

01:48:55.000 Think about that. 1.00

01:48:56.000 If you really think about Blade, suck this motherfucking old vampire. 1.00

01:48:58.000 He's out. 1.00

01:48:59.000 Yeah, he's out.

01:49:00.000 Hopefully he'll make Blade 9. Yeah, and for anybody who thinks I have a problem with that guy, I never had a problem with that guy.

01:49:05.000 There was supposedly an MMA fight they were trying. 0.90

01:49:08.000 It sounds like bullshit now that I talk about it. 0.98

01:49:09.000 Wesley Pipes? 0.99

01:49:10.000 Yeah, with Wesley Snipes.

01:49:11.000 It was not my idea, and I didn't have any animosity towards that guy at all.

01:49:16.000 How much time did he do?

01:49:17.000 He did three years. 1.00

01:49:18.000 Three fucking years. 1.00

01:49:20.000 Yeah, three fucking years, man. 1.00

01:49:22.000 And not only that, he was willing to pay. 0.99

01:49:26.000 They were like, hmm, doesn't matter.

01:49:27.000 You're going to jail.

01:49:29.000 Like, he admitted that he made a mistake, tried to pay them off, and they're like, no, you have to do time.

01:49:33.000 You have to do time.

01:49:34.000 And they put him in jail for three years.

01:49:36.000 You can't just...

01:49:37.000 The government, whether you...

01:49:39.000 Especially if you're in a position of prominence, like a giant movie star like that...

01:49:43.000 If you run around saying that you're not going to pay taxes, that can fuck up everything.

01:49:47.000 And they have to make an example of you.

01:49:49.000 It's almost like they have to.

01:49:50.000 Because there's a lot of people out there that will argue about the constitutional legality of this and that.

01:49:56.000 The reality is, everybody's paying.

01:50:00.000 You gotta pay.

01:50:01.000 No one wrote it down in 1776, okay?

01:50:04.000 But it's 2013. The reality of this situation is that everybody's paying.

01:50:08.000 And these people that go, you know, we have found a clause here deep within the Constitution that clearly states that what is going on is unconstitutional, unlawful, and they would never have this brought up in a court of law.

01:50:18.000 Because if this was exposed, it would take down the very empire itself. 0.98

01:50:22.000 And people go, fuck, I ain't paying taxes. 0.99

01:50:24.000 Let him come get me. 1.00

01:50:25.000 I'll start talking shit. 0.99

01:50:27.000 I'll start telling him about how the tax code is illegal and not even in the Constitution. 0.99

01:50:32.000 You know, and they're like, tell him, Wesley.

01:50:34.000 Tell him, Wesley.

01:50:35.000 And next thing you know, I don't know if it went down that way.

01:50:37.000 I'm just guessing. 0.99

01:50:39.000 I'm making shit up. 0.81

01:50:39.000 I don't mean to be mean to the guy. 0.81

01:50:41.000 But then next thing you know, he bought into some guy's idea and didn't pay taxes, like willfully.

01:50:47.000 And so that was for like a couple years and when they were going after him and like they were trying to You know, he won one, but he didn't lose...

01:50:57.000 He lost, like, the second most important one.

01:51:00.000 But I think he was acquitted in the most important one, which was like a conspiracy or something along those lines.

01:51:06.000 But he still willfully avoided paying taxes, and so they put him away for three solid years.

01:51:11.000 You know, when you're 47 years old, like he was, that's a long chunk of the future of your life.

01:51:17.000 You know, how much more time do you have?

01:51:19.000 Do you have...

01:51:20.000 Who's the oldest person ever?

01:51:21.000 He's like 120. So what, you got 80 years left?

01:51:23.000 Less?

01:51:24.000 Less than 80 years?

01:51:25.000 And someone just stole three.

01:51:26.000 They stole three and wanted to put you in a cage because you wouldn't pay them. 0.98

01:51:30.000 I mean, that is like some of the most gangster shit any society can ever pull on its citizens. 0.99

01:51:37.000 If you don't give us a piece of what you earn, Then we're gonna put you in a cage. 0.99

01:51:42.000 It's not like a debt.

01:51:43.000 It's not like there's some money on the ledger that has to be corrected and you have to eventually recompensate us until we're even.

01:51:50.000 No.

01:51:51.000 No, we're gonna lock you in a cage. 0.92

01:51:53.000 That's our solution.

01:51:54.000 And when you get out, you're still gonna have to pay us.

01:51:57.000 Well, that's a fairly, and that's a fairly victimless crime, if you really think about it.

01:52:00.000 In the greater spectrum of all the things that goes wrong in this country, that's a fairly victimless crime.

01:52:05.000 I mean, absolutely, it's a crime.

01:52:08.000 Absolutely, people should have to contribute to the fixing of the highways and paying police officers and all that jazz.

01:52:13.000 But the idea that someone should be just locked in a cage for that is kind of crazy.

01:52:19.000 I mean, there's people that don't get locked in a cage for assault.

01:52:22.000 There's people that don't get locked in a cage for much more horrible physical things where there's actual real trauma to an individual as an actual victim.

01:52:30.000 And they don't get locked in a cage for three years.

01:52:32.000 Well, you said the reasons why.

01:52:33.000 Yeah, it's...

01:52:57.000 At this point, retracting that is going to be met with furious resistance, and the idea that it's not is really silly.

01:53:05.000 It's almost like at a point in this country where things are so weird that it's almost like one of two things has to happen.

01:53:13.000 Either there's some sort of technological breakthrough that makes it impossible to lie anymore, and then from now on, everybody has to operate on 100%.

01:53:21.000 No bullshit. 0.99

01:53:22.000 It's either that, when we get adapted to that, or some fucking walking dead zombie type situation where we have to reinvent civilization. 1.00

01:53:29.000 Because if we just keep going the way we're going right now, there's so many opportunities for us to trip over our own dicks. 0.99

01:53:38.000 Just this North Korea thing alone. 1.00

01:53:41.000 See what's going on with this crazy motherfucker just pointing rockets at everybody and saber rattling and saying, I mean, what do they need? 1.00

01:53:47.000 Do they need food? 1.00

01:53:48.000 What do they need?

01:53:48.000 Do they need power, electricity?

01:53:50.000 They need something, obviously.

01:53:51.000 The guy's doing something to get some sort of attention and get some people to calm him down.

01:53:56.000 How long can that guy be around for?

01:53:58.000 How long can you have India and Pakistan hate each other, pointing nuclear arms at each other right there, just like staring at each other?

01:54:04.000 You know, how much longer can people do what they're doing?

01:54:08.000 It's kind of weird.

01:54:08.000 It's like one of two things has to happen.

01:54:10.000 Either they've got to figure out some new invention that lets people all realize that we all have – there's repercussions to everyone's actions, positive and negative.

01:54:20.000 And everybody has a stake in everything that happens all over the world, whether it's in the Congo or the people that are getting run out of the Brazilian rainforest because loggers have moved in. 0.96

01:54:29.000 Those guys are douchebags. 0.96

01:54:31.000 Let's be clear about that. 0.99

01:54:33.000 Some people are living in some tents.

01:54:34.000 Some guys want to steal their trees. 0.98

01:54:36.000 Everybody needs to settle the fuck down.

01:54:37.000 We need to look at this globally. 0.99

01:54:39.000 And the fact that cunty shit can happen in the Amazon and the Congo and all these different spots, while that happens and we know about it, we'll never be at balance. 0.97

01:54:48.000 And it seems to me it's like something has to happen that connects everybody. 0.98

01:54:53.000 Whether it's a stage of evolution, whether it's a slow progress of things that we're going through right now.

01:54:59.000 That where people are getting upset at things right now that they never got upset at before.

01:55:03.000 You know, where people are sort of realizing that we're much more connected than people have ever been before.

01:55:09.000 And if that doesn't like continue on that trend, When you got things like North Korea, when you got things like what's going on in the Congo, and you got really bad spots in Afghanistan, really bad spots in Iraq, and the world is, there's parts of the world right now that are in the apocalypse.

01:55:26.000 They're right there.

01:55:27.000 The apocalypse exists, and it's going on right now.

01:55:30.000 And while we're all just sitting here living our lives, that's taking place, and we know it.

01:55:36.000 And because we know it, we always feel out of whack. 0.87

01:55:39.000 We always feel like if the whole world got its shit together, if human beings figured out a way where no one was fucking over anybody anywhere in the world, no one was murdering anybody anywhere in the world, no one was raped anybody anywhere in the world, that could be possible. 0.95

01:55:56.000 If it's possible to do in this room, it's possible to do in the whole country. 0.99

01:55:59.000 Too late, I already raped the jam man. 1.00

01:56:03.000 Does that make sense, or am I just too stoned? 0.94

01:56:08.000 I know that we've had discussions about your fears, and you always said that one of your biggest fears was staying healthy when you got older.

01:56:16.000 You didn't want to really, really get old.

01:56:18.000 Well, I don't want my body to feel.

01:56:20.000 You know, walking around with a failing body.

01:56:22.000 I'm going to tell you something that petrifies me more than anything.

01:56:24.000 You know, nothing scares me.

01:56:26.000 I never wanted to go to jail after 25. It's true.

01:56:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:56:30.000 I know that all these gangsters are glorious and they fucking glorify them in biography. 0.98

01:56:35.000 You know what? 1.00

01:56:35.000 They die in a fucking hole. 1.00

01:56:37.000 There ain't no glory in dying in a fucking hole. 1.00

01:56:40.000 When you're 55 and above, I tell you what, and I knew this when I was 20. After 55, there's only one thing you should be worried about. 1.00

01:56:47.000 That's your grandchildren.

01:56:48.000 And your pension.

01:56:50.000 Your house should be paid for.

01:56:52.000 Well, it's amazing that those creeps made it that long.

01:56:55.000 You know, when you see guys like John Gotti in jail, and Sammy the Bull, they let him out.

01:56:59.000 That doesn't show you how nutty our government is.

01:57:01.000 No, he's still in jail.

01:57:01.000 Yeah, but I mean, they let him out.

01:57:03.000 They let him out, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:57:03.000 When he was involved, and they knew he was involved in at least, like, how many murders?

01:57:07.000 20, but...

01:57:08.000 Some insane amount of murders and they let him go because he gave them information on Gotti.

01:57:12.000 But the beauty is that 20, 30 years from now, somebody's gonna find a file on Sammy DeBogavano and it's gonna be one of the biggest smacks to the American people that you've ever known.

01:57:22.000 Nobody really knew what really happened.

01:57:24.000 Nobody knew that the government wanted Gotti so bad.

01:57:29.000 They wanted him.

01:57:30.000 I don't give a... 1.00

01:57:31.000 Listen, I don't give a fuck. 1.00

01:57:33.000 I want this guy. 1.00

01:57:35.000 We'll do whatever. 1.00

01:57:36.000 We'll kill 80 people. 1.00

01:57:37.000 Fuck them. 1.00

01:57:37.000 They were Italian. 1.00

01:57:38.000 They got what they deserved. 1.00

01:57:39.000 Fuck them and their mother. 1.00

01:57:40.000 That's the thinking. 1.00

01:57:41.000 And what people don't know is that Sammy was brilliant in the sense that he was the first one to rat.

01:57:48.000 He was the first one to rat.

01:57:49.000 What he did to the government was brilliant.

01:57:51.000 The government knew.

01:57:52.000 I told you that there's stories that the government was collecting his loan shark payments when he went away.

01:57:57.000 He went into the system, got out, and then it's when it really blew up in their face.

01:58:01.000 Because all these people started going in, testifying, saying, I would never lie.

01:58:05.000 I sold drugs at Sammy the Bogovano.

01:58:07.000 The government would go, no you didn't.

01:58:09.000 Sammy never sold a drug in his life. 0.98

01:58:12.000 But after 50 people came in and said, yes they did, the government finally said, they ain't fucking lying. 1.00

01:58:17.000 And then that fucking idiot went on to H.P.O. Oh, the Iceman. 1.00

01:58:21.000 Went on HBO, and on his third last interview, he said he killed the cop.

01:58:26.000 And then Sammy the Bull Gavano gave him the order.

01:58:30.000 They went to the files.

01:58:31.000 They said they seen that Sammy never copped to that cop.

01:58:34.000 And all of a sudden, they had him involved in an ecstasy ring, and they pulled him into jail.

01:58:38.000 And the Iceman mysteriously died to tell his story, to prosecute Sammy. 0.99

01:58:44.000 They took the Bull, and they put him in Colorado in Tomahawk under the fucking prison. 0.99

01:58:50.000 Under the prison. 1.00

01:58:52.000 So, the government... 1.00

01:58:53.000 This is a kinky fucking deal. 1.00

01:58:54.000 So he never sees the light. 1.00

01:58:56.000 Never sees light again. 0.99

01:58:57.000 But the government didn't give a fuck when they cut the deal. 0.98

01:59:00.000 And that's not just with him. 0.99

01:59:02.000 They do this all the time.

01:59:03.000 But it's a different government.

01:59:04.000 That's the thing.

01:59:05.000 It's like the people that are in charge today...

01:59:07.000 And not the people that put Sammy the Bull out on the street back during the Gotti time.

01:59:11.000 Most likely... 0.99

01:59:12.000 Five fucking years he got for killing 20 people. 1.00

01:59:15.000 And he got to take his money. 1.00

01:59:16.000 He got to take 10 million dollars.

01:59:19.000 And he got to...

01:59:20.000 They didn't care.

01:59:21.000 And then they put him in...

01:59:21.000 He was in Phoenix, right?

01:59:22.000 He was in Phoenix.

01:59:23.000 Didn't he, like, try to go under a fake name or something like that? 1.00

01:59:26.000 He told him to go fuck himself. 1.00

01:59:27.000 He told him to come and get him. 1.00

01:59:30.000 That's how crazy that little mother, 5'5", training with Teddy Atlas five days a week, shooting b-ball, b-fall. 1.00

01:59:37.000 Fuck, did you see him before? 1.00

01:59:39.000 He was huge. 1.00

01:59:39.000 Did you see him when he got nailed? 1.00

01:59:41.000 He looked scary.

01:59:41.000 He was 5'5", two-something.

01:59:44.000 He was a human bulldog.

01:59:45.000 He was, you know, and he was fighting every morning over there with Teddy Atlas.

01:59:49.000 That's the truth.

01:59:50.000 Teddy Atlas was his trainer.

01:59:52.000 Wow.

01:59:53.000 Yeah, that was a scary time.

01:59:54.000 When you had, like, real, legit mafia criminals, like, flaunting it in New York.

01:59:58.000 What about what's going on? 0.97

02:00:00.000 I hear shit about how they just, you know, and I shouldn't say this, how they arrest Arabs in New York and try to flip the things on them and try to get, like, those terrorist cases. 0.98

02:00:08.000 What are they doing? 0.99

02:00:09.000 I don't know.

02:00:10.000 We had a discussion about how they take the people to go and push.

02:00:14.000 They take Arabs and they go and push them in on those terror groups. 0.90

02:00:18.000 Well, they did that in Dallas.

02:00:20.000 They gave the guy, I think it was Dallas, they gave a guy a fake bomb.

02:00:23.000 And they had him try to detonate it.

02:00:25.000 When he tried to detonate it, they arrested him for trying to detonate a bomb.

02:00:27.000 Like, you gave him the bomb.

02:00:30.000 Like, you know, I mean, that's so crazy.

02:00:32.000 The idea that they would be able to make a fake bomb, get it to you.

02:00:36.000 They talked this guy into doing it.

02:00:38.000 Let's do the conversation.

02:00:39.000 Okay, sir.

02:00:40.000 My friend, I have a bomb for you.

02:00:42.000 No, no, I'm going to give it to you. 0.99

02:00:43.000 You're the bomb guy.

02:00:44.000 Well, I think he thought he was dealing with a terrorist organization.

02:00:47.000 He didn't know he was dealing with the FBI. He had some FBI guy who says, this is my friend.

02:00:52.000 America is devil.

02:00:53.000 We're going to take it down. 0.99

02:00:54.000 You are in.

02:00:55.000 You are an important part of our program. 1.00

02:00:57.000 This guy's an idiot. 1.00

02:00:58.000 He's like, I'm an important part, finally. 1.00

02:01:00.000 Something, anything.

02:01:01.000 What do I do?

02:01:02.000 Is that an offensive voice?

02:01:03.000 Offensive, stereotypical, Arab-type dude voice? 0.99

02:01:08.000 What do I do?

02:01:09.000 I don't know.

02:01:11.000 So what do you think?

02:01:12.000 How do you think it went down?

02:01:14.000 That's a good one.

02:01:14.000 That's a good angle.

02:01:15.000 What do you think?

02:01:15.000 He said, you take this and you put it in.

02:01:18.000 When you come back, we give you badge.

02:01:20.000 FBI, pension and everything.

02:01:22.000 And the guy's like, I need a pension.

02:01:25.000 Insurance?

02:01:26.000 $55,000 a year to start.

02:01:28.000 And pension.

02:01:28.000 And car.

02:01:30.000 And car?

02:01:30.000 Gasoline?

02:01:31.000 Gasoline.

02:01:33.000 So he planned ahead?

02:01:34.000 He was that type of person?

02:01:35.000 Oh, the government's always two steps ahead of you, dog.

02:01:38.000 I think the guy was probably like, if I do this, you'll be my friend?

02:01:42.000 What are you playing?

02:01:43.000 Oh, terrorist music.

02:01:45.000 That's terrorist music?

02:01:47.000 You know what terrorist music is?

02:01:49.000 That John Ashcroft song we played earlier.

02:01:51.000 That's terrorism. 1.00

02:01:51.000 That's fucking terrorist music. 1.00

02:01:53.000 You know what's terrorism, bro? 1.00

02:01:54.000 Subway sandwich.

02:01:57.000 How is that terrible?

02:01:58.000 I was in Nashville.

02:01:59.000 You know, across the street from Nashville, it's that Subway sandwich right there. 0.95

02:02:02.000 How fucking cool is Nashville Zaney's? 0.99

02:02:05.000 Am I fucking around here? 0.99

02:02:06.000 No, no, it's amazing. 0.96

02:02:08.000 And it's nice, people, cool.

02:02:09.000 Nashville's a badass town. 0.97

02:02:10.000 Yeah, Nashville's is a fucking cool town. 1.00

02:02:13.000 But I was looking at that Subway and I'm like, those motherfuckers sell turkey fucking salami. 1.00

02:02:18.000 Turkey fucking salami. 1.00

02:02:19.000 Right. 1.00

02:02:20.000 You know, they do such bad shit, they don't even give you a full foot. 1.00

02:02:23.000 Yeah, did you see that? 1.00

02:02:24.000 And I knew that from the beginning. 0.99

02:02:26.000 I know what fucking a foot looks like. 1.00

02:02:27.000 I knew it was fucking kinky. 1.00

02:02:28.000 When you get six inches, that's when you know it's not a fucking six inch. 1.00

02:02:31.000 Because I worked in a lumberyard for fucking years. 1.00

02:02:33.000 You know what fucking six inches is. 1.00

02:02:34.000 Right, so the six inch is more like what? 0.99

02:02:37.000 It's like an inch short.

02:02:38.000 The foot long is like an inch short. 0.98

02:02:39.000 Everybody I fucking talked to said at one time they got food poisoned from the tuna. 0.98

02:02:45.000 The tuna's bad? 0.99

02:02:46.000 And I got it one time.

02:02:47.000 I liked the tuna for years, but I got it one time.

02:02:49.000 You can't say that, though.

02:02:50.000 You can't say that on a podcast.

02:02:51.000 We're going to get in trouble.

02:02:52.000 No, I'm just telling you what happened to me.

02:02:53.000 Allegedly.

02:02:54.000 Allegedly.

02:02:54.000 Between me saying that someone should sell the post office to a private contractor to run it like DPS and...

02:03:00.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:03:01.000 And this guy ratting out the comedy store? 1.00

02:03:02.000 Yeah, we've done a...

02:03:03.000 This is what happens when we take a few days off. 1.00

02:03:06.000 We say crazy shit. 0.99

02:03:07.000 They got the health department on their way right now knocking on a Bully Shore store. 1.00

02:03:10.000 Yeah, you got a problem. 1.00

02:03:11.000 He's in there with a fucking 16-year-old chick in a bus station and shit. 1.00

02:03:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:03:16.000 No, they arrest him as a girl enters into that bathroom.

02:03:21.000 And the security is hovering over the window looking in. 1.00

02:03:30.000 Yeah, man, you just fucked everybody who has a part of that place, Brian. 0.99

02:03:34.000 You really did. 1.00

02:03:35.000 You're a terrible person. 1.00

02:03:36.000 I knew motherfuckers for years were looking at something. 1.00

02:03:38.000 I didn't know they were in there looking at pussy. 1.00

02:03:40.000 I can't even dream of that shit. 1.00

02:03:42.000 How can you be such a disgusto? 1.00

02:03:45.000 You know, I judge everybody by my acting. 0.98

02:03:49.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:03:50.000 I judge everybody by my acting. 1.00

02:03:51.000 I'm a fucking piece of shit thief. 1.00

02:03:54.000 And these disgustos, look at the fucking poor lady's pussy do a fucking thing. 1.00

02:03:59.000 And to even look in, I mean, I don't understand. 1.00

02:04:03.000 I really don't. 0.99

02:04:04.000 Fucking unbelievable. 0.98

02:04:05.000 Well, that's the thing about any open institution, whether it's a comedy store or a park where kids hang out in, you're gonna get all kinds of people. 1.00

02:04:14.000 You're gonna get real friendly people, and you're gonna get people that suck.

02:04:17.000 And at the comedy store, you're gonna have both of that too. 0.66

02:04:20.000 You know, we've always had those few comedians that would come around and you're like, Jesus Christ, you gotta back up and move away.

02:04:25.000 And there's like, they have bad mojo and they're all upset that, you know, why am I on at this time?

02:04:31.000 And Joey Diaz is on at this time. 0.99

02:04:33.000 This is bullshit. 1.00

02:04:34.000 And they stomp around. 1.00

02:04:36.000 You always get that, right?

02:04:37.000 Always.

02:04:38.000 Always.

02:04:38.000 People put cameras in bathrooms in other places.

02:04:41.000 I see it all the time.

02:04:41.000 Chuck Berry.

02:04:42.000 Didn't Chuck Berry get in trouble for doing that?

02:04:44.000 Oh, in the steakhouses or something?

02:04:46.000 Chuck Berry, I believe, got in trouble for doing that.

02:04:48.000 I should probably look that up. 0.99

02:04:49.000 Putting the fucking tape in the bathroom and then going... 0.99

02:04:51.000 And what do you do? 1.00

02:04:52.000 Excuse me, you go back at the end of the day and empty the camera looking at people pissing?

02:04:56.000 Why are you asking me?

02:04:57.000 I don't know. 1.00

02:04:57.000 Because you're into all that shit, you filthy tough sucker. 1.00

02:04:59.000 I can't say that. 1.00

02:05:00.000 I don't want to say...

02:05:00.000 He's not into that.

02:05:01.000 How dare you?

02:05:02.000 Well...

02:05:03.000 If you take a pee at Brian's house, he's watching.

02:05:05.000 No, I'm not.

02:05:05.000 Yes, he is.

02:05:06.000 That motherfucker's watching on his iPhone, trust me. 1.00

02:05:08.000 That night I gave him the banana bread. 1.00

02:05:10.000 I caught him with his phone off. 1.00

02:05:11.000 He was taping somebody at the Ice House, this motherfucker. 1.00

02:05:14.000 He's got like eight cameras all around the city. 1.00

02:05:15.000 Oh, this is so not true.

02:05:17.000 But I do admit that I was talking to a comic that we are all friends with, and he's like, I want to send you something, because I was talking about the Rub Maps website, and he goes, I have something to send you.

02:05:34.000 And he gives it, and I take it, and I'm just like, Yeah.

02:05:55.000 Whoa.

02:05:56.000 He just sent it to me.

02:05:57.000 He's like, oh, trust me, I have the greatest thing for you.

02:06:00.000 Okay, I got a totally wrong story of Chuck Berry. 0.97

02:06:05.000 Chuck Berry did a lot of wacky shit, but that's not one of them. 0.98

02:06:08.000 One of the things he did in 1959, he was arrested under the Mann Act that he had sex with a 14-year-old waitress from which he transported over state lines to work as a hat check girl at his club. 0.99

02:06:20.000 14-year-old waitress?

02:06:21.000 Where do they even have 14-year-old waitress? 1.00

02:06:23.000 Like a tea party?

02:06:24.000 He was convicted, fined $5,000, and sentenced to five years in prison.

02:06:28.000 His appeal to the judge's comments and the attitude were racist and prejudiced by the jury against him was upheld, and a second trial was held in May and June of 1961, which resulted in Barry being given a three-year prison sentence.

02:06:41.000 After another appeal failed, Barry served one and a half years in prison from February of 1962 to October of 1963. He pleaded guilty to tax evasion, was sentenced to four months in prison and a thousand hours of community service, doing benefit concerts in 1979,

02:06:57.000 and in 1990, Barry pleaded guilty to misdemeanor possession of marijuana.

02:07:02.000 Holla! 1.00

02:07:03.000 The last one, they got him for weed.

02:07:05.000 They should have looked at his ledger and gone, this guy's done enough time.

02:07:08.000 Jesus.

02:07:09.000 So he transferred?

02:07:09.000 He said, listen, baby.

02:07:10.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00

02:07:11.000 Listen, baby, not only are you going to suck my dick, but I got a job for you. 1.00

02:07:14.000 As a motherfucking hat check girl. 1.00

02:07:16.000 14. 14-year-old hat check girl. 1.00

02:07:18.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:07:20.000 Wow. 1.00

02:07:21.000 Chuck Berry was a bad motherfucker. 1.00

02:07:23.000 You know, that was a totally different time in the world, too. 1.00

02:07:25.000 Imagine the racism that guy felt.

02:07:27.000 What about the guy that played the piano? 0.98

02:07:28.000 He fucked his cousin or something? 0.99

02:07:30.000 Red Band. 1.00

02:07:31.000 What's that?

02:07:32.000 Come on, guys.

02:07:33.000 Who are you talking about?

02:07:34.000 Oh, Jerry Lee Lewis. 1.00

02:07:35.000 Yeah, who he fucked. 1.00

02:07:36.000 He's a pervert. 1.00

02:07:37.000 Yeah, he fucked his cousin. 1.00

02:07:38.000 And he might have... 1.00

02:07:40.000 The allegations were that at one point in time that he killed his wife.

02:07:46.000 Wasn't it?

02:07:47.000 Didn't he get in trouble?

02:07:48.000 They called him the killer.

02:07:50.000 That was actually his nickname.

02:07:53.000 What's so funny? 0.99

02:07:54.000 He's so fucked up on edibles. 1.00

02:07:56.000 You can tell. 1.00

02:07:56.000 Look at his eyes. 1.00

02:07:57.000 You can't even see his eyes. 0.99

02:07:58.000 I am fucking high right now. 0.98

02:07:59.000 I didn't smoke pot for over a week. 1.00

02:08:01.000 You didn't?

02:08:02.000 I didn't smoke pot for over a week before the show.

02:08:03.000 Now we're off to deep end.

02:08:05.000 Let me tell you something. 0.99

02:08:06.000 So this guy fucked this guy and killed this guy? 1.00

02:08:10.000 Yeah, someone drowned. 1.00

02:08:11.000 Like, one of his wives drowned.

02:08:14.000 Well, who knows?

02:08:15.000 She could have just drowned, man.

02:08:16.000 You know?

02:08:17.000 Might not have been.

02:08:18.000 Yeah, what are you doing?

02:08:19.000 Slandering?

02:08:19.000 You guys slandering?

02:08:20.000 No, no. 0.96

02:08:21.000 He was so crazy. 0.99

02:08:21.000 Jerry Lee Lewis was so fucking crazy that him and Chuck Berry were doing a gig together. 0.99

02:08:26.000 And Chuck Berry played piano too, right? 0.98

02:08:28.000 I think so.

02:08:29.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:08:29.000 Was it Chuck Berry that he lit his piano on fire?

02:08:33.000 Was that Liberace?

02:08:33.000 No, no, no.

02:08:34.000 That's...

02:08:34.000 Liberace!

02:08:36.000 Didn't...

02:08:37.000 Jerry Lewis.

02:08:39.000 It was Jerry Lewis.

02:08:39.000 Great Balls of Fire.

02:08:40.000 Right, but Jerry Lewis lit Chuck Berry's piano on fire.

02:08:44.000 I think he did. 1.00

02:08:45.000 I think he did, and I think he said, like, follow that motherfucker. 1.00

02:08:50.000 Like, you lit the piano on fire. 1.00

02:08:52.000 I'm pretty sure.

02:08:52.000 I need to pull that up.

02:08:54.000 Because maybe I'm just combining scenes and movies.

02:08:57.000 Jerry Lee Lewis.

02:09:01.000 Chuck Berry.

02:09:02.000 No, it's not romantic. 0.98

02:09:03.000 He was crazy, man. 0.81

02:09:04.000 Which one? 0.80

02:09:04.000 Jerry Lee Lewis? 0.80

02:09:05.000 Jerry Lee Lewis was crazy. 1.00

02:09:06.000 He was crazy. 1.00

02:09:09.000 Yeah, that guy was nuts. 1.00

02:09:10.000 Yeah, he had a fight. 0.96

02:09:11.000 He got in a fist fight with Chuck Berry.

02:09:15.000 Goodness gracious.

02:09:17.000 Yeah, Jerry Lee Lewis, Chuck Berry.

02:09:23.000 Feud.

02:09:26.000 Yeah, these were, I mean, think about these type of people. 1.00

02:09:28.000 I mean, these are wild motherfuckers. 0.99

02:09:30.000 Just think of Chuck Berry. 1.00

02:09:32.000 Think of getting in a fight with a guy like Chuck Berry.

02:09:34.000 He's doing time, does a year and a half in the pokey for transporting a girl across state lines.

02:09:42.000 Tax evasion.

02:09:44.000 Apparently he caught the piano on fire, then walked off stage telling Barry, follow that N-word in order to intimidate him.

02:09:51.000 Imagine if he actually did say N-word.

02:09:54.000 Follow that N-word. 0.89

02:09:55.000 This is a sad time.

02:09:57.000 Sad time.

02:09:58.000 Yeah, but it's just that whole lifestyle going into prison and coming out. 1.00

02:10:02.000 Fuck you, Joe Rogan. 1.00

02:10:04.000 I love Chinese food too much. 1.00

02:10:06.000 I like walking around too much. 1.00

02:10:08.000 Fuck you, brother. 1.00

02:10:09.000 Especially in the 60s. 1.00

02:10:11.000 Especially in the 60s.

02:10:12.000 Especially now.

02:10:13.000 Yeah.

02:10:14.000 I don't get it. 1.00

02:10:15.000 Listen, any time that you glorify on television, that's bullshit. 1.00

02:10:19.000 You're still not seeing your family. 1.00

02:10:20.000 To be 65 and live your whole life and think that you were a gangster and to get put in jail when you're 50 and have to be 67 in fucking prison, this ain't nobody gonna rape you or beat you up. 1.00

02:10:31.000 Just a thought. 0.99

02:10:33.000 Just being your freedom removed. 0.99

02:10:35.000 And you see these idiots on Discovery Channel, like when they do those prison shows, and when I'm on the road, I'll stay up late writing, but I'll put that channel on, and I watch the interviews of these guys, like, yeah, you know, I did it. 1.00

02:10:45.000 What the fuck did you do? 1.00

02:10:46.000 You fucking pissed away a life. 1.00

02:10:48.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:10:49.000 You pissed away a fucking life. 1.00

02:10:50.000 You do two, three years when you're 18. That ain't shit, John Rogan. 1.00

02:10:54.000 Anybody can do it standing in their fucking head. 1.00

02:10:56.000 Did you hear about that guy that they just arrested that was living in the woods of Maine by himself? 1.00

02:11:01.000 He hadn't talked to another person in 30 years and he had been surviving all this time by stealing things from campgrounds. 0.97

02:11:10.000 Didn't talk to people for 30 fucking years until the police finally arrested him. 0.99

02:11:16.000 So he was basically like a fucking kid and just disappeared. 0.99

02:11:21.000 Yeah, 27 years he lived in the woods. 0.99

02:11:24.000 For 27 years, he didn't speak to another person. 0.99

02:11:26.000 He just lived in the woods, snuck into campgrounds, stole shit, and went back to his camp. 0.97

02:11:31.000 And so they arrest this guy. 0.98

02:11:33.000 He's got this spot, and they have all these pictures of it.

02:11:37.000 If you go to the Kennebec Journal, kjonline.com, Kennebec, K-E-N-N-B-E-C, N-N-E-B-E-C, K-E-N-N-E-B-E-C. It's a part of Maine where this guy was.

02:11:50.000 Kennebunkport, right?

02:11:52.000 That's where Bush had his compound out there, his family, the older Bush.

02:11:56.000 But this guy, man, was just living like a character in a movie. 1.00

02:12:01.000 By himself, not talking to any human beings, and then in the middle of the night, stealing people's shit. 1.00

02:12:07.000 Pretty nuts, man. 1.00

02:12:08.000 Charles Bronston's death hunt.

02:12:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:12:10.000 Living in the fucking hut at night with the dog. 1.00

02:12:12.000 This is really amazing, man. 1.00

02:12:15.000 That's fucking crazy. 0.99

02:12:16.000 Especially in Maine. 1.00

02:12:18.000 Maine is un-fucking-bearably cold in the winter. 0.94

02:12:21.000 It's really, really cold. 0.94

02:12:24.000 New York is cold.

02:12:25.000 Boston's colder. 1.00

02:12:26.000 Maine is a motherfucker. 1.00

02:12:28.000 There's that feeling when you get out of your car. 1.00

02:12:30.000 It's a totally different kind of cold.

02:12:32.000 Did they show what the inside of his hut looked like?

02:12:33.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, they got a video.

02:12:35.000 There's a video up there of this guy's place.

02:12:38.000 He's got all things hanging, you know, everything's hanging from a wall.

02:12:41.000 He even has a clock that he's got taped up to a tree.

02:12:43.000 Stole someone's clock. 0.72

02:12:45.000 Like, stole all this shit and just, like, pack ratted it into this weird sort of tent that he has set up in the middle of the main. 1.00

02:12:54.000 Fucking all kinds of people, man. 1.00

02:12:56.000 Did he have heat in there? 1.00

02:12:57.000 No, he lit fires and shit. 0.98

02:13:00.000 We're starting to see, because we can get a story like this online so easily and read into it, that he never had anything like this 20 years ago. 0.99

02:13:07.000 He never got these stories.

02:13:08.000 They didn't show it on 2020 or on one of those.

02:13:11.000 He never really got this sort of an in-depth look at wackiness.

02:13:15.000 And we're getting it every day. 0.97

02:13:16.000 Every day there's some new dude who gets caught doing something really fucking weird. 1.00

02:13:20.000 And then you look at him and you go, who is this crazy fuck? 1.00

02:13:22.000 What's going on here? 1.00

02:13:24.000 And then you forget about him because tomorrow it's a dude who's got a pet hippo that he rides around until it eats him. 0.99

02:13:29.000 And then you go, what a fucking hippo ate him? 0.98

02:13:31.000 And then the next day it's some other story. 1.00

02:13:33.000 It's just, it never ends.

02:13:34.000 It never ends.

02:13:34.000 The guy walks into Home Depot yesterday and tried to cut his arm off.

02:13:37.000 You hear that?

02:13:38.000 No. 1.00

02:13:39.000 The guy walked into Home Depot, picks up a saw, and starts hacking his fucking arm off. 1.00

02:13:43.000 Got down to the bone, screaming, fucking howling, cutting his arm. 1.00

02:13:47.000 They got down to the bone until they stopped him. 1.00

02:13:49.000 Wow. 1.00

02:13:51.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:13:54.000 Really, Joe Diaz? 1.00

02:13:55.000 I'll stop and think about that for a moment. 1.00

02:13:56.000 A guy walks into Home Depot and saws his own fucking arm off. 1.00

02:14:01.000 Can you imagine being in there and watching this shit live? 1.00

02:14:04.000 You go in there just to get a gallon of fucking paint? 1.00

02:14:07.000 You gotta put up with this fucking guy now doing this. 1.00

02:14:10.000 You might be there in the wrong place at the wrong time when that guy does that. 1.00

02:14:15.000 Or does something even nuttier that harms other people.

02:14:18.000 You know, I would like to find out what that guy was on, you know?

02:14:22.000 I would love to know what kind of cocktail.

02:14:23.000 Half of these guys, life.

02:14:25.000 I guarantee life.

02:14:26.000 That's it.

02:14:27.000 They lost their mortgage.

02:14:28.000 They lost their house.

02:14:29.000 The wife left.

02:14:30.000 The kid is on drugs. 1.00

02:14:32.000 The other kid's a fucking moron. 1.00

02:14:34.000 God knows. 1.00

02:14:34.000 There's a lot of that. 1.00

02:14:35.000 There's a lot of life going on.

02:14:37.000 That's it, man.

02:14:37.000 It's tough for people.

02:14:38.000 Right now, you know, you really think about what's going on. 0.99

02:14:42.000 They got missiles pointed at us, whatever the fuck. 0.99

02:14:44.000 Listen, if he launches them, I'm sure the United States will do what they can and we'll be fine. 0.99

02:14:49.000 It's just a thought that it's right there. 0.98

02:14:52.000 It's right fucking there. 0.98

02:14:53.000 We're about to be part of this. 0.99

02:14:55.000 Everything will change.

02:14:56.000 Everything.

02:14:57.000 You know, what people don't realize who haven't been over there, like you and I, we don't realize what the actual conditions are in that country.

02:15:07.000 And when you read about it, it almost seems like fiction. 0.81

02:15:10.000 You know, when you read about the slave camps and the people who were born in the slave camps and, you know, some of them escape and they tell these stories of, like, how weakened they let people get and then they, like, literally, like, people are eating rats and shit trying to stay alive. 0.97

02:15:23.000 North Korea. 0.68

02:15:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:15:25.000 Slave camps, it's horrible, horrible shit. 1.00

02:15:27.000 Why is there a slave camp? 1.00

02:15:28.000 I don't know, man.

02:15:29.000 Well, Vice.com exposed that they have slave camps in Siberia.

02:15:33.000 The North Koreans have a slave camp in Siberia.

02:15:36.000 And the people in Siberia, they don't even know that they're not in North Korea. 0.74

02:15:39.000 They think they're in North Korea, but really they're in a slave camp in Siberia. 0.99

02:15:43.000 It's really fucking crazy. 0.95

02:15:45.000 And what I can't wrap my head around, I don't think, and I don't think either can you, is that these people are living like... 0.98

02:15:53.000 I think? 0.91

02:16:15.000 So people are like, if you ever see the video of people crying, it is the most ridiculous, overproduced, overacted nuttiness that you've ever seen in your life. 0.91

02:16:24.000 It's people just terrified. 0.77

02:16:26.000 It's really sad to watch because these people are terrified and they're wandering around crying, just wailing.

02:16:33.000 It's so fake looking.

02:16:34.000 It looks so fake.

02:16:36.000 But it's like they have to put on a show.

02:16:38.000 The government is so...

02:16:40.000 They're so controlled. 1.00

02:16:41.000 It's such a horrible dictatorship that if you're not crying for the guy dying, they just throw you in a fucking cage. 1.00

02:16:49.000 Fucking crazy. 1.00

02:16:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:16:52.000 The balance of power.

02:16:53.000 For whatever reason, people always want to get to that sort of total dictatorial position.

02:16:59.000 Like even the guy who there was the overthrowing of the government in Egypt...

02:17:04.000 The new people that came in were like, yeah, Wilson, we don't think the law should apply to us.

02:17:07.000 And everybody was like, what?

02:17:10.000 There was like riots in the street.

02:17:11.000 They were like, this is what we just got rid of.

02:17:13.000 You're trying to do exactly what the government before you. 1.00

02:17:16.000 We see where you're going with this, you crazy fucks. 1.00

02:17:20.000 What is a slave camp? 1.00

02:17:22.000 What is the purpose of a slave camp?

02:17:23.000 They're working.

02:17:24.000 They're making things, whatever it is.

02:17:26.000 North Korea has almost no money.

02:17:28.000 They're unbelievably broke.

02:17:29.000 If you fly over North Korea at night, their lights are out.

02:17:32.000 They shut their lights off at night.

02:17:33.000 Whereas you go over South Korea, it looks like any other part of the world where you see people's lights on.

02:17:37.000 North Korea doesn't even have enough money to keep the lights on.

02:17:39.000 It's a terrible...

02:17:40.000 You can't run a country like that.

02:17:42.000 They're not going to profit.

02:17:43.000 They're not going to prosper.

02:17:44.000 The only way to have a really strong economy is you have a lot of people that are trying to make things happen.

02:17:50.000 The people that are in charge and then they're slaves.

02:17:53.000 You can't run it like that.

02:17:54.000 You know, you can't run it where the entire civilization is under your heel because a strong man is going to prosper.

02:18:00.000 A strong woman is going to prosper. 0.94

02:18:01.000 And anybody that knows they're under the heel of the government like that, they're never going to prosper.

02:18:06.000 So the economy is never going to be vital. 0.73

02:18:08.000 It's never going to be like, no one's going to be out there trying to make shit happen and kick ass and take names and, you know, and keep the economy energized. 0.98

02:18:15.000 They're fucking terrified. 0.99

02:18:16.000 They're terrified of these jackbooted thugs coming into their house and locking them in a cage because they weren't fake crying enough. 1.00

02:18:22.000 You know?

02:18:23.000 And it's 2013. That's the nuttiest part about it.

02:18:26.000 So this is happening right now. 0.98

02:18:28.000 Just like you and I are taking fucking southwest to San Jose and having a good time and fucking driving to Vegas and waving at people at the gas station. 0.99

02:18:36.000 These fucking people on another part of the world right now are living a horror movie. 0.99

02:18:41.000 Could you imagine, man? 1.00

02:18:42.000 You're living in a horror movie.

02:18:44.000 I mean, you literally are living in Star Wars.

02:18:47.000 Might as well be Stormtroopers.

02:18:48.000 That might as well be Darth Vader.

02:18:49.000 You really are.

02:18:51.000 I mean, they have nuclear power.

02:18:53.000 They have nuclear power, machine guns, tanks, and they're all willing to walk in a straight line with their lifting their leg up at the same time.

02:19:00.000 Which is scary for us.

02:19:01.000 When everybody moves mindlessly in a unit together.

02:19:04.000 Left, right, left, right. 0.79

02:19:06.000 That scares the shit out of us. 1.00

02:19:07.000 Because that means you're willing to do whatever the fuck they tell you. 0.99

02:19:09.000 Once they got you marching like that, left, right, left, right. 0.99

02:19:12.000 Well, you can't just walk in.

02:19:13.000 You're carrying guns.

02:19:14.000 How impressive is that?

02:19:15.000 Let me tell you something. 0.99

02:19:16.000 Just walk in carrying those guns and everyone's going to shit their pants anyway. 0.98

02:19:19.000 But you're walking in with that... 0.99

02:19:24.000 Left, right, left, right.

02:19:27.000 What is that?

02:19:29.000 Yeah, what is that? 1.00

02:19:30.000 You're letting people know that you got these motherfuckers under control. 1.00

02:19:34.000 Completely under control. 1.00

02:19:36.000 And you're doing that while you're in this nightmare of a dictatorial society.

02:19:45.000 It's got to be horrific to live over there. 0.99

02:19:47.000 How fucking lucky are we? 0.99

02:19:48.000 Oh, we're so lucky. 0.98

02:19:50.000 We're so lucky.

02:19:51.000 We're so lucky.

02:19:58.000 Dude, there's no traffic like New York traffic.

02:20:00.000 How bad has it gotten?

02:20:01.000 It's bad.

02:20:02.000 Horrendous.

02:20:02.000 It's bad.

02:20:03.000 It's very bad.

02:20:04.000 Horrendous.

02:20:04.000 I can't believe it.

02:20:05.000 I don't go over.

02:20:06.000 That's why I said to you.

02:20:07.000 The tunnels and bridges, getting into the tunnels and bridges can be insanity.

02:20:12.000 It can be like, okay, this is not happening.

02:20:14.000 How long does this take?

02:20:16.000 It's craziness.

02:20:17.000 The amount of humans.

02:20:18.000 And by the way, no one's driving.

02:20:19.000 Okay?

02:20:20.000 Everyone's taking cabs.

02:20:21.000 So if most of the people in the city are taking cabs, it's the rare few that are clogging it up.

02:20:27.000 Like, the amount of traffic does not even closely represent the amount of actual humans, luckily.

02:20:33.000 Because the amount of humans is staggering.

02:20:35.000 But most of them are not taking cars.

02:20:37.000 Let me explain something to you.

02:20:38.000 In 94, I was doing comedy, and I went back there.

02:20:40.000 I was an open-miker.

02:20:42.000 I lived in Sea Caucus, New Jersey.

02:20:43.000 I dated a girl on 15th and 9th Avenue by Honda of Manhattan.

02:20:48.000 Joe Rogan, I'm telling you, I could get in my car at a quarter of 8 and be in Manhattan at 10 after 8. You know me.

02:20:54.000 I'll tell you how the fuck it is. 1.00

02:20:55.000 I'd pick her up. 0.99

02:20:56.000 My show would be at 9 at the New York Comedy Club.

02:20:59.000 About three years ago, I went into New York City.

02:21:01.000 I had to pick my buddy up at the bus station.

02:21:03.000 I had never seen anything like that.

02:21:05.000 Wow.

02:21:06.000 I thought it was going to take me an hour tops. 0.99

02:21:08.000 Took me four fucking hours. 0.99

02:21:10.000 Yeah, I'm not shocked. 0.99

02:21:11.000 No, no, no, no.

02:21:12.000 I don't, no, no, no, no, no.

02:21:13.000 It's insane.

02:21:14.000 Then there's nothing I want to do there anymore.

02:21:16.000 Yeah.

02:21:16.000 I want to go get a hot dog.

02:21:18.000 I'll take the bus and the train over.

02:21:20.000 Ha, ha, ha, ha.

02:21:21.000 But I'm out of there.

02:21:22.000 Taking a car over, those days are done.

02:21:24.000 I was hanging out with Shane Smith from Vice.com.

02:21:27.000 He lives in New York and he has this view out of his window that it's like mountains.

02:21:33.000 It doesn't even seem real.

02:21:35.000 His view is like you're looking at mountains.

02:21:39.000 They're mechanical mountains that people have created.

02:21:42.000 It's more beautiful even than the mountains. 0.98

02:21:44.000 The New York City skyline is fucking staggering. 0.76

02:21:47.000 It's so impressive that it's almost worth being there just to see it on a regular basis because It really is like a work of art. 0.95

02:21:54.000 Just like the mountains are. 0.93

02:21:56.000 The reason why people are willing to pay for paintings and shit, because it makes you feel good when you see something badass. 0.96

02:22:01.000 When you look at something, something beautiful. 0.98

02:22:03.000 Like this sculpture that this gentleman sent me.

02:22:05.000 It's the Buddha for my tattoo.

02:22:08.000 I love art. 1.00

02:22:09.000 I like looking at shit that someone made. 0.99

02:22:11.000 I like things that are beautiful. 0.99

02:22:13.000 But the New York City skyline is one of the most beautiful things you could see.

02:22:18.000 When that thing's all lit up and the cars are moving, you're like, whoa!

02:22:22.000 I've never seen a painting that makes me do that.

02:22:24.000 I never see a painting.

02:22:25.000 I see a painting and I go, wow, that's cool.

02:22:27.000 I like that.

02:22:28.000 Oh, that's badass.

02:22:29.000 But I never see a painting that makes me sit down and open my jaw and go, whoa.

02:22:34.000 But the New York City skyline will make you go, whoa.

02:22:36.000 It'll make you sit back.

02:22:37.000 If you look at it from one of those dudes who's got some crazy building with a giant window.

02:22:41.000 A lot of those people, they have those 180-degree views.

02:22:45.000 People with crazy cash and giant apartments.

02:22:48.000 Their view is the greatest view in the world.

02:22:50.000 Their view is amazing.

02:22:52.000 Seeing all that skyline, those lights, and the cars moving.

02:22:56.000 I totally get it now.

02:22:57.000 I totally get why people would be addicted to living there.

02:23:00.000 That's the main thing.

02:23:01.000 That whole...

02:23:02.000 Like I told you, living in New York is living like John Lennon.

02:23:05.000 If you don't live in New York, you don't live like John Lennon. 0.99

02:23:08.000 If not, it's fucking tough. 1.00

02:23:09.000 That's a tough fucking place to live. 0.99

02:23:11.000 And if you have to come here from Brooklyn to Manhattan, you know, it's fucking tough. 0.98

02:23:16.000 Well, John Lennon's a perfect example, though, of why it's crazy about him. 0.71

02:23:19.000 Some dude's just waiting outside of where he knows you live. 0.98

02:23:21.000 Some wacky dude that wants to shoot you. 0.99

02:23:24.000 In a secured building. 0.99

02:23:25.000 Yeah, it doesn't matter.

02:23:27.000 People know that you live in that secured building and you're John Lennon.

02:23:29.000 I mean, John Lennon was one of the most famous human beings on the planet Earth.

02:23:33.000 They didn't care if this guy's living in this building.

02:23:38.000 It's a nutty way to live.

02:23:39.000 Stacked on top, everybody.

02:23:41.000 But, God, so beautiful.

02:23:43.000 And we were there, and there was a lightning storm broke out. 0.99

02:23:46.000 Fucking A, man. 0.97

02:23:48.000 To be on, like, the 40th floor of a hotel and look out the window, you see lightning dance across the sky. 1.00

02:23:53.000 It's like, holy fuck. 0.99

02:23:55.000 This is, like, one of the coolest shows you could ever see. 1.00

02:23:57.000 It was amazing.

02:23:59.000 New York has stuff that really moves me.

02:24:01.000 You know what's terrorist dog?

02:24:02.000 Subway sandwich. 0.64

02:24:03.000 That's a terrorist right there.

02:24:06.000 They already got something up.

02:24:08.000 They already got that up.

02:24:09.000 They already got a meme up.

02:24:14.000 People were not friendly there, though, man.

02:24:16.000 That's the weird thing, is the dealing with that constant stress.

02:24:19.000 That went away after 9-11.

02:24:21.000 After 9-11, people were super friendly there for a while.

02:24:24.000 We filmed Fear Factor there in like 2002, I think.

02:24:29.000 Maybe it might have been 2003. But everybody was so friendly.

02:24:32.000 It was really interesting.

02:24:34.000 It was like when we went there, people were like, you could noticeably see that there was like an extra effort that people made to be nice to people.

02:24:43.000 I felt it.

02:24:43.000 It was like I felt it in the air.

02:24:45.000 And I remember thinking, hmm, how long will this last?

02:24:48.000 This is like this new change of the way people are behaving in New York.

02:24:51.000 I wonder how long it'll last.

02:24:52.000 It lasted a long time.

02:24:54.000 It lasted quite a few years before I started feeling like it was back to normal again.

02:24:58.000 This last trip, it's back to normal.

02:25:01.000 It's totally back, yeah.

02:25:02.000 People are...

02:25:03.000 They're just some people.

02:25:04.000 I mean, there's plenty of nice folks in New York, just like there's plenty of nice folks everywhere.

02:25:07.000 We met a lot of nice folks. 0.85

02:25:08.000 The funny thing is, when I walk in New York, there's some stuff that just fucking moves me.

02:25:13.000 And it moves me because I remember coming over from Cuba and walking to Manhattan and being a little kid. 0.57

02:25:18.000 I remember walking down Broadway and seeing the first wall poster to Her Majesty's Secret Service.

02:25:24.000 That's a James Bond movie with an in-between James Bond.

02:25:28.000 His name was George Lazenby.

02:25:30.000 He was in between Roger Moore, I guess.

02:25:32.000 Really?

02:25:32.000 Yeah, yeah, look it up.

02:25:34.000 Diana Rigg.

02:25:35.000 Kojak was in the movie.

02:25:37.000 It's called Our Majesty's Secret Service.

02:25:40.000 Came out like in 1969, maybe 68, maybe 70. How many James Bonds were there?

02:25:46.000 The new one's the best. 0.98

02:25:48.000 That guy's fucking badass. 0.99

02:25:49.000 No, that guy's great. 0.99

02:25:50.000 He's badass.

02:25:51.000 He's the best.

02:25:52.000 Yeah, he's good.

02:25:52.000 But Roger Moore's good, too.

02:25:54.000 Roger Moore's good. 1.00

02:25:55.000 But Roger Moore can't fuck with Sean Connery. 0.99

02:25:57.000 Sean Connery is better than Roger Moore. 1.00

02:25:59.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

02:26:00.000 All right, these are the men.

02:26:01.000 David Niven was the first one.

02:26:03.000 Oh, no, no, no.

02:26:04.000 Listen to this.

02:26:05.000 Chase, this is crazy.

02:26:06.000 Barry Nelson was the first one in 1954, even before Sean Connery.

02:26:10.000 So Sean Connery was 62 to 1971, and again, he came back, don't call it a comeback, in 83. Took a 12-year hiatus and then came back with a new wig.

02:26:23.000 And then there's David Niven. 0.99

02:26:25.000 Who the fuck's David Niven? 0.99

02:26:27.000 They tried David Niven out in 67. Right. 0.99

02:26:30.000 That shit didn't work. 1.00

02:26:31.000 And then they tried George Lazenby. 1.00

02:26:32.000 They tried that out in 69. That's the movie, yeah.

02:26:35.000 And then there's another guy.

02:26:36.000 Christopher Cazenove?

02:26:40.000 Cazenove?

02:26:41.000 Yeah, it's C-A-Z-E-N-O-V-E. And then Roger Moore from 73 to 85. Which ones did Roger Moore do?

02:26:49.000 Live and Let Die?

02:26:50.000 It's a good question.

02:26:51.000 That's a good one.

02:26:51.000 But do you remember Timothy Dalton and Pierce Brosnan?

02:26:54.000 There was two duds in a row. 1.00

02:26:56.000 Two, like, fucking total duds. 1.00

02:26:58.000 We're like, get out of here, man. 1.00

02:27:00.000 They're both like the same person, too.

02:27:02.000 Yes! 0.99

02:27:02.000 It's probably Timothy Dalton was talking shit, and they go look, too. 0.99

02:27:05.000 We got Pierce Brosnan on speed dial. 1.00

02:27:07.000 Let's fucking do this. 0.99

02:27:08.000 I thought Pierce Bronson would probably be good, but no. 1.00

02:27:10.000 Let's get the fuck out of here. 1.00

02:27:12.000 Both those guys, I can't imagine those guys kicking anybody's ass, ever. 1.00

02:27:15.000 I imagine them getting hit and just start crying. 1.00

02:27:18.000 But Daniel Craig, I could see that guy kicking someone's ass. 1.00

02:27:21.000 I totally, 100% buy it. 0.99

02:27:23.000 I think he's the best one of all time.

02:27:24.000 He's a beast. 0.99

02:27:26.000 He seems like a killer. 1.00

02:27:28.000 When I'm watching him, he seems like the type of guy who would be a problem-drinking, womanizing, trained killer. 0.93

02:27:34.000 It all came together in the most realistic version of it. 0.99

02:27:38.000 But I had a lot of people who said it sucked, man. 0.94

02:27:40.000 It's funny. 0.99

02:27:41.000 This dude posted on this message board that I go to how fucking everybody told him it was the best Bond ever. 1.00

02:27:46.000 He's like, holy shit, was it a piece of garbage? 1.00

02:27:48.000 I was like, man, I didn't get that. 1.00

02:27:50.000 I thought he was great.

02:27:50.000 Get Roger Moore a shot again.

02:27:52.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

02:27:53.000 I'm telling you, dog, live and let die. 1.00

02:27:55.000 Roger Moore. 1.00

02:27:56.000 I'm telling you, that was his smoothness.

02:27:59.000 That was his patois, Joe Rogan.

02:28:01.000 That was his patois. 1.00

02:28:02.000 He talked to you the whole time he had his finger up your ass. 1.00

02:28:04.000 That's the whole thing about those guys. 1.00

02:28:06.000 That's what it means to be fucking James Bond. 0.99

02:28:09.000 That's what it means? 1.00

02:28:10.000 That's right. 1.00

02:28:10.000 The swab, debonair, finger up your ass? 1.00

02:28:12.000 Bro, he was a swab. 1.00

02:28:13.000 I'm telling you, I didn't think so either.

02:28:16.000 See, I grew up on The Saint.

02:28:18.000 When The Saint, you know, was popular when I moved here.

02:28:20.000 What was The Saint?

02:28:21.000 Roger Moore.

02:28:23.000 The Saint? 1.00

02:28:23.000 It was a TV show with a circle around his fucking head. 1.00

02:28:26.000 What? 1.00

02:28:27.000 Get the fuck out of here? 0.99

02:28:28.000 No, no, no, no, no. 0.99

02:28:29.000 That was the thing.

02:28:30.000 Watch Roger Moore, The Saint.

02:28:31.000 Really?

02:28:32.000 Yeah.

02:28:33.000 His own TV show, yeah.

02:28:34.000 He had a halo?

02:28:35.000 Yeah, that was the commercial for it. 1.00

02:28:37.000 Fucking Halo. 0.99

02:28:38.000 That was the name of the show. 1.00

02:28:38.000 The Mentalist. 1.00

02:28:39.000 The Mentalist of the Mentalist.

02:28:41.000 Yeah.

02:28:41.000 He was the saint.

02:28:42.000 Oh, that is so funny.

02:28:43.000 I never heard of this. 0.99

02:28:44.000 It was the saint fucking show, yeah. 0.99

02:28:45.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:28:45.000 The saint. 1.00

02:28:46.000 Yeah, tremendous.

02:28:47.000 What was better, that or that Danny Bonaduce show?

02:28:50.000 The best bet.

02:28:51.000 Listen, bro, I'm going to drop some shows on you. 1.00

02:28:53.000 It's going to bust your fucking head. 1.00

02:28:54.000 I'm going to tell you some good shows right now. 1.00

02:28:56.000 It Takes a Fucking Thief with Robin motherfucking Wagner. 0.99

02:28:59.000 How about the Wild Wild West? 1.00

02:29:01.000 It's on now.

02:29:02.000 Oh, yeah.

02:29:02.000 At night.

02:29:03.000 I watched that from time to time.

02:29:04.000 That was great.

02:29:04.000 And my head blows up, bro.

02:29:06.000 That was a fucking tremendous thing. 0.99

02:29:07.000 I love the Wild Wild West. 1.00

02:29:08.000 What was that handsome bastard's name? 0.99

02:29:10.000 What was that guy's name? 0.99

02:29:11.000 That was the curly-haired brunette dude. 1.00

02:29:13.000 And then Bruce, what's his name?

02:29:16.000 Knocked his battery off my shoulder.

02:29:19.000 Will Smith came back to play it, right?

02:29:20.000 He played it later in...

02:29:21.000 Please, don't insult me.

02:29:22.000 Please, I'm not talking about this.

02:29:24.000 There's no black people in the Wild Wild West, all right? 1.00

02:29:27.000 It was two white dudes.

02:29:28.000 The guy's name, remember in the 70s, that commercial?

02:29:31.000 Knocked that battery off my shoulder, I dare you. 0.98

02:29:34.000 I believe it was a tough dude and shit, remember? 0.98

02:29:36.000 Yeah, that series was 65 to 69, Joey. 0.95

02:29:40.000 Which one?

02:29:40.000 The Wild West TV series.

02:29:41.000 Come on, now. 0.87

02:29:42.000 65 to 69. And the guy was Robert Conrad and his buddy Ross Martin, who never got any credit, man.

02:29:50.000 Ross got the shaft. 0.98

02:29:52.000 Nobody gave Ross any credit, damn it. 0.98

02:29:55.000 That was a good show. 0.98

02:29:56.000 I didn't know it was only four years.

02:29:59.000 I used to love that show when I was a little kid.

02:30:02.000 Which one?

02:30:02.000 That show.

02:30:03.000 The Wild Wild West.

02:30:04.000 Yeah.

02:30:04.000 No, please.

02:30:05.000 I remember.

02:30:05.000 That was WOR. The Wild Wild West.

02:30:07.000 It Takes the Thief.

02:30:09.000 Those are Channel 9 shows.

02:30:11.000 Then Channel 11 shows with the Honeymooners, The Odd Couple, Sand for the Sun, The Twilight Zone.

02:30:16.000 So you had them all.

02:30:17.000 But Benny Hill was on WOR. That was the beginning of my comedy career, watching Benny Hill.

02:30:22.000 If you're not a Benny Hill fan, I can't talk to you. 1.00

02:30:25.000 If some way you don't look at me and go, yeah, Benny Hill, Joey, you're a fucking animal. 1.00

02:30:29.000 We can't really do it. 1.00

02:30:30.000 And you watched it because you thought a tit was going to pop out.

02:30:35.000 Yeah.

02:30:36.000 Because once a week, somebody showed their tit on television.

02:30:39.000 Did it actually show a real tit?

02:30:41.000 Bro, they showed something. 0.98

02:30:42.000 Like a nipple or at least... 0.99

02:30:43.000 Oh, you would go crazy. 1.00

02:30:44.000 You would go crazy.

02:30:45.000 Everybody in school knew the next day.

02:30:46.000 Everybody got together talking.

02:30:48.000 They showed their tit last night.

02:30:49.000 I think you guys hallucinated.

02:30:50.000 I don't think they ever actually...

02:30:51.000 They never actually did it.

02:30:53.000 But they get close.

02:30:53.000 They got real close.

02:30:55.000 And you lost your...

02:30:56.000 When you're 11, you lose your mind.

02:30:58.000 Oh, yeah.

02:30:58.000 Your face gets red, you get dizzy.

02:31:00.000 Yeah, you get sick.

02:31:01.000 Couldn't believe it's happening.

02:31:03.000 There's certain shows that were awesome for kids.

02:31:06.000 Awesome.

02:31:06.000 I guess that's how we're looking at things today.

02:31:09.000 We look at shows that are terrible and like, who the fuck is watching this? 0.99

02:31:12.000 But for a little kid, the show would still be pretty badass. 0.99

02:31:15.000 My biggest crush ever was Walona.

02:31:18.000 From Good Times. 1.00

02:31:19.000 In fact, I still see that fine black bitch at auditions, and I tell her, you sexy motherfucker. 1.00

02:31:24.000 She goes, oh, thank you, sugar. 1.00

02:31:26.000 She's about 80, and she's still banging with a wig on her. 1.00

02:31:29.000 Who was that?

02:31:30.000 The black chick from Good Times. 0.68

02:31:32.000 What was her name?

02:31:33.000 Winona, the one that lives upstairs, the chick.

02:31:35.000 She's beautiful. 1.00

02:31:36.000 She's still in the fucking knockout. 1.00

02:31:38.000 But then the other one died, right? 1.00

02:31:39.000 Shirley?

02:31:40.000 Shirley Hemple? 0.87

02:31:42.000 Was she from Good Times?

02:31:43.000 No, she was from the other one.

02:31:45.000 The one with Rerun. 0.53

02:31:47.000 Which one was that? 1.00

02:31:48.000 That was the one with re-run on it, and all those fucking people. 0.99

02:31:50.000 Are you sure? 0.99

02:31:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:31:52.000 Shirley Heffer was on, uh...

02:31:55.000 What's Happening?

02:31:56.000 Kicking It.

02:31:56.000 Right, right, right.

02:31:57.000 What's Happening? 0.71

02:31:58.000 Kicking It.

02:32:00.000 Was she on Kicking It as well?

02:32:01.000 What is Kicking It?

02:32:03.000 The Meatball King.

02:32:04.000 It's funny when you look back on shows. 0.99

02:32:06.000 Some shows fucking hang in there, man. 0.98

02:32:08.000 Like, All in the Family still hangs in there. 0.99

02:32:10.000 You know what still hangs in there?

02:32:12.000 Prince songs. 0.96

02:32:13.000 Prince songs are still fucking badass. 0.93

02:32:16.000 I was in a store And I Wanna Be Your Lover came on, and I was like, wow. 0.98

02:32:21.000 This is like 1980, whatever the fuck it was, 81 or something like that. 0.71

02:32:25.000 And I was like, this song is still badass. 0.84

02:32:27.000 We should go see Prince.

02:32:27.000 All of us should go eat some mushrooms and eat some.

02:32:30.000 If I tell you what was on on the way up here, you motherfuckers. 1.00

02:32:33.000 I was in the car. 1.00

02:32:33.000 I didn't give a fuck about traffic or the Joe Rogan experience. 1.00

02:32:37.000 You know one of those baddest songs, the one later on? 0.93

02:32:39.000 Oh, I have time.

02:32:42.000 Boom, boom, boom, boom.

02:32:44.000 Oh, yeah.

02:32:46.000 Yeah, that's a great song.

02:32:47.000 Sign of the Times.

02:32:48.000 Sign of the Times.

02:32:50.000 That's a great song, man.

02:32:53.000 That thing he was doing in Vegas where it was like you would pay 500, 200 people at the Pearl, I guess.

02:33:01.000 I'm not sure people don't attack me.

02:33:03.000 Yeah, he would do a really small venue for a lot of money.

02:33:06.000 500, but you have to call the songs.

02:33:09.000 Wow, that's awesome. 0.98

02:33:10.000 And you would say, you know, just to, I always, look, look, Kid Rock to you might be some fucking redneck, okay? 0.87

02:33:16.000 And he probably is, and his uncle does Matt or whatever, but it doesn't really matter. 0.87

02:33:20.000 One thing about Kid Rock is he knows music.

02:33:23.000 Right.

02:33:23.000 You know, one thing about comedy is I may not be the funniest guy in the world, but I love watching old comedy to see where I came from.

02:33:30.000 Yeah, like Jonathan Winters died.

02:33:32.000 We talked about that. 0.99

02:33:33.000 I'm a big fucking Lenny Bruce guy and Jackie Gleason. 0.99

02:33:37.000 I love to watch that stuff. 0.97

02:33:39.000 And when I talk to somebody, and when you talk to somebody, you might not like something about them, but just the people they admire, you understand where they come from.

02:33:46.000 We were talking about this earlier when somebody insults you on Twitter, and you go to their page and go, I get it!

02:33:51.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

02:33:52.000 They're riding around with a wig on or some shit. 0.99

02:33:54.000 I understand now why they repeated this. 0.98

02:33:57.000 Well, it's the same thing with me with comics.

02:33:59.000 You know, like...

02:34:00.000 That all combines.

02:34:02.000 I like to know what people, like you, we talk about Hicks.

02:34:05.000 Right.

02:34:06.000 The other day I was thinking about you because one of my influences also was Lenny Clark.

02:34:10.000 Believe it or not.

02:34:10.000 Oh yeah, I believe it.

02:34:11.000 I'm telling you, I love Lenny Clark.

02:34:13.000 Did he become a major star or whatever? 1.00

02:34:15.000 Yeah, to me he was because he made me get off my fucking ass. 1.00

02:34:19.000 I liked what he was doing on stage. 1.00

02:34:21.000 You know, Lenny, the other guy from Boston I liked too.

02:34:23.000 There's a couple guys from Boston that I really, really fucking liked.

02:34:26.000 That they might not be stars to you, But they're stars to me. 0.82

02:34:29.000 I thought so, you know?

02:34:31.000 Yeah, there was a, you know, we came from an era, there was a lot of great comics from like the 80s and 90s.

02:34:36.000 Like we were talking about Herrera, who don't get recognized today. 0.99

02:34:38.000 There was some guys, there was some goddamn killers. 0.99

02:34:41.000 Teddy Bergeron. 0.99

02:34:42.000 Teddy Bergeron is one who doesn't get nearly enough credit.

02:34:44.000 Teddy Bergeron, yeah.

02:34:44.000 Because he, you know, tripped over his own addictions in his life.

02:34:48.000 But that guy, at times, was like one of the best comics I've ever seen.

02:34:52.000 I'm going to tell you something, dog.

02:34:53.000 I listened to an old Hedberg album the other day. 0.99

02:34:56.000 And I had to stop and check myself and I realized how bad I really was as a fucking comic. 0.98

02:35:01.000 I was listening to them in the car down the Comedy Channel in Nashville. 0.99

02:35:04.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:35:05.000 Fucking what a great town, just driving through. 0.99

02:35:07.000 I got a great hamburger the other night. 0.99

02:35:08.000 This place, Jimmy Kelly's.

02:35:10.000 Are you thinking about moving there?

02:35:11.000 I don't know.

02:35:12.000 The humidity got me.

02:35:13.000 It's hot.

02:35:14.000 Yeah.

02:35:14.000 It gets hot.

02:35:15.000 That's it, guys.

02:35:16.000 That's it.

02:35:16.000 Guys, that's the one that...

02:35:20.000 In Nashville itself, it's safe, but when I was there, I was talking about how you drive 50 miles in any direction, and you're in a zombie movie.

02:35:26.000 Yeah.

02:35:27.000 Really, it's what it's like.

02:35:29.000 I mean, you're driving through the dark areas of Tennessee.

02:35:32.000 Like, you can get through some weird spots. 1.00

02:35:33.000 You motherfuckers don't know dark. 1.00

02:35:35.000 Well, I know what you're... 1.00

02:35:36.000 Athletic.

02:35:37.000 That's what you mean.

02:35:38.000 You mean athletic, as my...

02:35:40.000 But I went to a spot where my in-laws are from.

02:35:45.000 Mylon and all that, where Mike Byron is from. 0.97

02:35:47.000 He's from Trenton and all that shit. 0.99

02:35:49.000 Right. 1.00

02:35:49.000 You motherfuckers don't know nothing about that. 1.00

02:35:51.000 You don't know what nighttime is. 1.00

02:35:52.000 Yeah.

02:35:53.000 Yeah.

02:35:53.000 You have no idea, gentlemen.

02:35:55.000 I went outside the door and I saw the wolves.

02:35:57.000 They just threw wolves everywhere to get the deer population down.

02:36:00.000 But they're killing something else now. 0.99

02:36:02.000 And every night, my in-laws got the dog outside in the fucking balcony. 1.00

02:36:05.000 I'm like, what the fuck? 1.00

02:36:06.000 And there's wolves out there? 1.00

02:36:07.000 There's wolves out there.

02:36:08.000 Not wolves, the other ones.

02:36:09.000 Coyotes?

02:36:09.000 Coyotes out there.

02:36:10.000 They brought them in to keep the deer population out.

02:36:13.000 The deer population out.

02:36:13.000 Isn't that amazing?

02:36:14.000 Isn't that fucking amazing? 1.00

02:36:15.000 Let's bring in some monsters to eat the food. 1.00

02:36:16.000 This is what I'm saying.

02:36:17.000 So now they're killing something else now.

02:36:19.000 Oh, they were killing the rabbits.

02:36:21.000 Oh, God. 1.00

02:36:22.000 They were killing the fucking rabbits. 1.00

02:36:23.000 Coyotes. 1.00

02:36:24.000 But one night, you could hear them out there.

02:36:25.000 I'm 50 yards from...

02:36:27.000 They introduced them?

02:36:29.000 That's so crazy. 1.00

02:36:30.000 Fucking crazy. 1.00

02:36:31.000 Fucking crazy. 1.00

02:36:32.000 So that was wild. 0.99

02:36:33.000 I like that style of living, but man, let me tell you something.

02:36:37.000 That style of living.

02:36:39.000 Let me tell you something, my friend.

02:36:42.000 To know that, like, I wanted a cup of coffee one night.

02:36:45.000 I didn't want to bother nobody.

02:36:46.000 Because this time, I usually stay at a hotel, but it's too far.

02:36:50.000 Right. 0.50

02:36:50.000 It's too fucking far from the house. 0.50

02:36:53.000 I mean, they're out there, Joe. 0.96

02:36:54.000 Right.

02:36:55.000 Out there.

02:36:56.000 Right.

02:36:56.000 House is beautiful, land is paid for, gorgeous, but they're out there.

02:37:01.000 Right.

02:37:01.000 Like one night I was like, Terry, I'm thinking this place.

02:37:04.000 She goes, you know, if you go get a cup of coffee, it's 40 fucking minutes. 1.00

02:37:08.000 Whoa. 0.99

02:37:08.000 Each way. 0.99

02:37:09.000 Like 30 or something.

02:37:10.000 30 minutes.

02:37:11.000 But you don't know where you're going.

02:37:13.000 So it's going to be 45. Here's my question.

02:37:15.000 What's more healthy?

02:37:16.000 That or New York?

02:37:19.000 Because I don't know. 0.99

02:37:21.000 Because sometimes I think New York is more healthy, but in being there just for over a couple of days and comparing the pace of certain places I've been to, like Boulder, and then comparing it to New York and dealing with the people, I can't say it's like New York people are shitty people. 0.95

02:37:37.000 It's not it. 0.64

02:37:39.000 The percentage of the people that I ran into was very, very small that were not nice.

02:37:44.000 But those you might not ever run into in Boulder.

02:37:47.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:37:50.000 The possibility of, like, rudeness was there in a way that isn't in other spots.

02:37:55.000 So I gotta think about, well, why are people like that?

02:37:57.000 Like, what is it?

02:37:57.000 What is it that causes people to be rude?

02:37:59.000 Is it just, there's too many of us?

02:38:01.000 What is it?

02:38:02.000 I think that's part of it.

02:38:03.000 I really do.

02:38:04.000 I think there's a certain number of people, when you get stuck in a certain amount of traffic, in a certain amount of lines, a certain amount of waiting, a certain amount of frustration, it's not worth it. 0.85

02:38:12.000 Everybody, everybody in this fucking room right now, at one time or another, Their voices got loud with somebody at some point. 0.89

02:38:21.000 That's the answer to why people are rude. 0.99

02:38:24.000 The problem with us is we caught it.

02:38:26.000 In New York, there's just so much...

02:38:29.000 I still have it.

02:38:30.000 I still have it at times.

02:38:32.000 I have it.

02:38:33.000 I grew up in that mentality.

02:38:35.000 It's in me. 1.00

02:38:35.000 It's who the fuck I am. 1.00

02:38:36.000 I get it. 0.99

02:38:38.000 But I don't get it all the time. 1.00

02:38:40.000 I don't get somebody being mean to you on the fucking belt. 0.99

02:38:43.000 Right. 0.99

02:38:43.000 There's a difference between rudeness. 0.99

02:38:45.000 In fact, there's some rudeness that you appreciate.

02:38:48.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:38:48.000 You're like, thank fucking God we got more people like that around to make this lady push a little bit. 0.98

02:38:53.000 Right, a little bit, yeah. 0.99

02:38:54.000 But there's another type.

02:38:56.000 That rudeness I can't live with at this point in my life.

02:38:59.000 And when I was younger, I would confront it.

02:39:01.000 I would confront it.

02:39:02.000 Now I don't confront it anymore.

02:39:04.000 But then on the other hand, you got about New York.

02:39:06.000 People are more street smart.

02:39:07.000 They just are.

02:39:08.000 There's people that are hipper.

02:39:12.000 They just seem to be more on top of things.

02:39:15.000 They're less obsessed with Hollywood.

02:39:17.000 I think that's a really bad thing about the area we live in.

02:39:21.000 No, that's the worst.

02:39:22.000 That's what I repeat over and over and over again.

02:39:26.000 In this area particularly, listen, this is very funny because I didn't think about this until I was on stage.

02:39:32.000 I dare you, Brian. 0.99

02:39:34.000 I dare you to get a fucking parking ticket and be 45 minutes late to court. 1.00

02:39:40.000 I dare any of you motherfuckers to be late to court. 1.00

02:39:42.000 And Steve, you don't get a bench warrant issued, and when you get there, you have to redo all the paperwork. 1.00

02:39:47.000 Wow.

02:39:48.000 Why is Lindsay Lohan always an hour late for court? 0.99

02:39:51.000 And it's cute.

02:39:52.000 You know, Michael Jackson showed up with pajamas, an hour late for court.

02:39:56.000 Pajamas!

02:39:57.000 And they try to be strict, like, Michael, you know you're 46 minutes late for court. 1.00

02:40:02.000 Come with this fucking fact Cuban to court late one time. 0.99

02:40:05.000 And see what happens after that fucking half hour. 1.00

02:40:07.000 There's strategies to it. 0.99

02:40:09.000 Let's pretend you got a parking ticket, a speeding ticket.

02:40:12.000 And you know the cop, a lot of times, this is the best strategy that my attorney in Jersey would do.

02:40:17.000 He would always tell the cop, yeah, show up.

02:40:19.000 And then he would call and go, Rogan's running late.

02:40:22.000 But he would tell the court clerk, so it would never get to the judge.

02:40:25.000 So the judge would issue a bench warrant for you, and we'd wait for the cop to leave the building.

02:40:29.000 Then we'd sneak you in around the back, and we'd just say, you got caught in traffic.

02:40:32.000 They redo your bench warrant.

02:40:34.000 There's nobody to testify.

02:40:35.000 You're in the speeding ticket.

02:40:36.000 And they drop the charge and the ticket.

02:40:37.000 That's old school. 1.00

02:40:38.000 That's Uncle Joey dropping knowledge on a motherfucker right there. 0.99

02:40:41.000 But there's other situations where you don't want to be late for court. 1.00

02:40:45.000 Especially if you're going for rehab or Michael Jackson with molesting fucking kids. 1.00

02:40:49.000 That's why writing it. 1.00

02:40:51.000 That tells you right there.

02:40:52.000 I've been to courts before.

02:40:53.000 Even both.

02:40:54.000 The nicest people in the world get to court ten minutes late. 0.99

02:40:58.000 They don't even let you in the fucking door. 0.99

02:40:59.000 Once they close that door in Boulder, sorry, go to the third floor. 1.00

02:41:03.000 That means they handcuff you and go through the whole fucking thing all over again. 0.98

02:41:06.000 It's like the idea that you can come to a place and this is the place to go if you want to get famous. 0.99

02:41:13.000 This is the place.

02:41:14.000 And the whole entertainment industry, this is the main hub of it.

02:41:20.000 You're going to get a lot of cool people too.

02:41:23.000 Look at all the cool people that we know that all live here.

02:41:25.000 Look at how many cool friends we have that all live here. 0.95

02:41:27.000 You get a lot of goddamn cool people too. 0.52

02:41:29.000 You get people that have gotten through the whole thing and sort of figured it out and relaxed and settled in and then, you know, understood how to work within the parameters of the business without getting caught up in it and becoming, you know, one of those weird lost Hollywood type people. 0.97

02:41:47.000 This is my beef.

02:41:49.000 I think it's your beef also, too.

02:41:51.000 And Red Band doesn't look at it this way.

02:41:53.000 And I've always thought about it because I'm 50. But I go for auditions, which you don't.

02:42:00.000 And I see a little bit more of this bullshit. 1.00

02:42:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:42:03.000 And I once saw girls, maybe six years old, that were adorable.

02:42:08.000 I walked into a room this big that was packed, but these two little girls that were six... 0.71

02:42:14.000 Decided they were going to take 20 of their headshots and put them all over the floor.

02:42:20.000 Okay?

02:42:21.000 And I heard the one girl say something to the other.

02:42:23.000 Girls, you got to move this. 1.00

02:42:24.000 And the one little girl said, my daddy's a director or something like that.

02:42:28.000 Okay, so this is my problem, guys. 1.00

02:42:30.000 Me, I'm a piece of shit. 1.00

02:42:31.000 I'll live anywhere. 1.00

02:42:32.000 Do you really want to raise a child here?

02:42:34.000 You know, I don't want...

02:42:38.000 Bro, the values of life here are judged differently than what they are in Chicago or Boston.

02:42:43.000 And you might look down on that.

02:42:44.000 Some people might look down on that, but I don't.

02:42:47.000 I never don't.

02:42:48.000 I don't.

02:42:49.000 Well, I think for us, there's like, first of all, This is the only place where there's such a conglomeration of those people.

02:42:58.000 So if you live your whole life and you never come in contact with them, it can be kind of shocking when you're around a bunch of actors or a bunch of Hollywood types.

02:43:07.000 But one of the real problems is there's not any other business that's looked at like that prominently here.

02:43:14.000 It's so overwhelming.

02:43:15.000 There's so many people that are involved in it.

02:43:17.000 That kids, like, automatically sort of gravitate towards it.

02:43:21.000 They're like, everybody wants to be famous.

02:43:22.000 They gravitate towards it. 0.99

02:43:23.000 Whereas in Denver, who the fuck is going to be famous? 0.99

02:43:25.000 Like, you want to be famous? 0.99

02:43:26.000 That's a real goddamn pipe dream if you're living in Boston. 0.99

02:43:28.000 You know, it's a real goddamn pipe dream. 0.99

02:43:30.000 But if you're living in Hollywood, it seems like it's attainable. 0.98

02:43:33.000 Oh, my God, we saw this guy at the mall.

02:43:35.000 And then we were there, we saw this.

02:43:36.000 And then we went to an audition, and we saw Ben Affleck.

02:43:38.000 You know, it just becomes more of a focal point. 0.99

02:43:42.000 And there's not enough other shit here. 0.99

02:43:44.000 Let me ask you something. 0.99

02:43:45.000 Have you ever seen any paparazzi pictures of Joe Rogan?

02:43:48.000 Joe?

02:43:49.000 Hey, dude.

02:43:50.000 Never!

02:43:50.000 I'll tell you later.

02:43:51.000 Oh, really?

02:43:52.000 No, no, no.

02:43:52.000 I'm just saying why.

02:43:54.000 Because Joe doesn't want paparazzi pictures. 1.00

02:43:56.000 Well, suddenly then I don't do all that shit. 0.99

02:43:58.000 No, I understand. 0.99

02:43:58.000 I don't like to go to parties. 0.99

02:44:00.000 No, no, no, no.

02:44:00.000 I'm just saying, even anywhere.

02:44:02.000 Listen, if you go to the Laurel Canyon Farmer's Market with your family now on Sunday, there's paparazzis there at 10-15.

02:44:09.000 Yeah.

02:44:09.000 Okay?

02:44:10.000 I'm telling you right now because I've seen them.

02:44:11.000 I encountered a bunch in New York.

02:44:13.000 I'm not saying nothing bad about paparazzis or anything.

02:44:16.000 I'm just making a point. 0.99

02:44:17.000 If you want people taking pictures of you, people take motherfucking pictures of you. 0.99

02:44:21.000 If you don't want to, you don't want to. 0.99

02:44:23.000 People will not bother you.

02:44:24.000 People don't bother you.

02:44:25.000 People don't bother Adam Carolla.

02:44:27.000 The people that are in the limelight want to be in the limelight.

02:44:30.000 Well, there's a lot of folks that do things on purpose for sure.

02:44:33.000 I just read something the other night that was...

02:44:36.000 I was talking to my friend the other day who's a paparazzi, and he's like, you want to go to the LAX tonight?

02:44:41.000 I'm like, why?

02:44:41.000 He goes, well, here, I got Lindsay Lohan's boarding pass.

02:44:44.000 She's flying in at 5.30 a.m. 0.99

02:44:46.000 And I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99

02:44:48.000 How do you have this? 1.00

02:44:49.000 I watched something the other day, or read it.

02:44:52.000 I read it online about Jamie Presley.

02:44:54.000 Did you guys read that story?

02:44:56.000 What?

02:44:56.000 About her getting into a beef in Hollywood because the chick stole?

02:45:00.000 This is hysterical.

02:45:02.000 So her assistant, somebody stole her assistant's purse. 1.00

02:45:06.000 Right?

02:45:07.000 You heard about this?

02:45:08.000 No, no, no.

02:45:08.000 She went to Hollywood to get the assistant's purse back, but they had something in the purse that let you know that the purse...

02:45:15.000 Like a GPS or something?

02:45:16.000 Like a GPS. The phone was in the purse, and they pointed to this bar, Where they were having the celebrity stud out. 0.89

02:45:23.000 So Jamie Presley showed up and yelled at the girl. 1.00

02:45:25.000 But then it turned out that in that purse were drugs.

02:45:28.000 Oh no.

02:45:29.000 So the cops showed up and then nobody knew who the purse it was.

02:45:31.000 Like once they got there, like, no, no, that ain't my purse. 0.99

02:45:34.000 You guys were just, they got into a fight over the fucking purse. 0.99

02:45:37.000 But once the cops got there and they opened the purse, it was like blow and steroids in there or some shit. 1.00

02:45:42.000 No way. 0.99

02:45:42.000 And everybody was like, that ain't our fucking purse no more. 0.99

02:45:45.000 That ain't our fucking, we don't even know what happened. 0.98

02:45:52.000 It's always a pleasure, my friend. 0.93

02:45:53.000 Joey, do you remember this?

02:45:55.000 You on MADtv on The Sopranos? 1.00

02:45:58.000 Why must you torment me every time I come on this fucking show? 0.99

02:46:01.000 It's so funny you just put that up. 1.00

02:46:02.000 I saw James Gandolfini walking around in New York.

02:46:05.000 How big is he?

02:46:06.000 He's a big guy.

02:46:07.000 Big guy.

02:46:07.000 I saw him in that movie, Killing Him Softly.

02:46:10.000 It's actually a pretty fucking good movie, man. 0.92

02:46:11.000 Isn't it a good movie? 0.99

02:46:12.000 It's a pretty fucking good movie. 0.98

02:46:13.000 I knew anything Brad Pitt puts out is solid. 1.00

02:46:16.000 They killed that fucking movie. 1.00

02:46:17.000 I don't know why they killed it. 1.00

02:46:18.000 I enjoyed that movie.

02:46:19.000 It was a good movie.

02:46:20.000 It was one of those under the radar. 1.00

02:46:21.000 Brad Pitt's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

02:46:23.000 How good was Gandolfini? 1.00

02:46:23.000 Gandolfini's a killer. 1.00

02:46:24.000 Let me tell you something. 1.00

02:46:25.000 He's a killer. 0.66

02:46:25.000 I don't know if you know what happens in this country every day at 5 o'clock now. 0.66

02:46:29.000 What happens?

02:46:30.000 Every day at 5 o'clock, they started the Sopranos from scratch at HBO. They brought them back because it was just too overwhelming.

02:46:37.000 HBO took them back from A&E, and they said, it's over.

02:46:40.000 We're going to play them every day, and they're doing season one.

02:46:43.000 Watching them on A&E was torturous.

02:46:44.000 Torturous! 1.00

02:46:45.000 Cutting out all the swears and all the bad shit. 1.00

02:46:48.000 Let me tell you something. 0.99

02:46:49.000 The other day I watched the episode, the third episode of the season, when they take the power back.

02:46:53.000 When Jackie April dies, they go to hospital.

02:46:54.000 Right.

02:46:55.000 That is one of the best written shows.

02:46:57.000 Ugh.

02:46:58.000 Of all...

02:46:59.000 And Gandolfini was very...

02:47:00.000 I forgot how good he really was.

02:47:03.000 Everybody else was subpar.

02:47:05.000 He was...

02:47:05.000 He's amazing.

02:47:07.000 He's fucking amazing. 1.00

02:47:07.000 He plays a total psycho and is killing them softly. 1.00

02:47:10.000 And it's so fucking believable. 1.00

02:47:12.000 It's so believable. 0.95

02:47:13.000 Oh, it's great.

02:47:15.000 Have you seen the preview for the guy that did District 9, his next movie with Matt Damon in it?

02:47:19.000 Um, no.

02:47:20.000 Who was that? 0.95

02:47:21.000 Oh my god, it looks fucking amazing. 0.98

02:47:23.000 Uh... 0.58

02:47:23.000 Do you remember the name? 0.58

02:47:24.000 What was it?

02:47:26.000 Yeah, but it takes place like a hundred years in the future and the trailer is so badass.

02:47:31.000 It looks amazing.

02:47:34.000 Well, I was in New York this past weekend for the upfronts for SyFy for this new show that I'm doing that I can now talk about that I don't get in trouble called Joe Rogan Questions Everything.

02:48:04.000 I'm pretty sure. 0.97

02:48:05.000 Battlestar Galactica was one of my favorite fucking shows ever. 0.93

02:48:07.000 That remake of Battlestar Galactica, it took till season two for Brian Callen to convince me that I should check it out. 0.98

02:48:13.000 It was fucking tremendous. 0.82

02:48:16.000 2154. What is it? 0.99

02:48:18.000 This is that new movie.

02:48:20.000 It's called Elysium.

02:48:23.000 And it has Matt Damon in it.

02:48:25.000 And just look at that though.

02:48:26.000 Look at that right there. 0.98

02:48:27.000 That's fucking beautiful. 0.98

02:48:31.000 Yeah, it was sci-fi that did Battlestar Galactica. 0.98

02:48:36.000 It's supposed to be 2154, I think.

02:48:39.000 Really long in the future.

02:48:41.000 And it's like... 0.99

02:48:42.000 Matt Damon's all buffing it and shit. 0.99

02:48:45.000 But it's just like District 9. Oh my god, this looks sick. 0.99

02:48:49.000 I know.

02:48:49.000 When is this coming out?

02:48:52.000 Uh...

02:48:53.000 August 9th.

02:48:55.000 Wow.

02:48:56.000 I need to get to Elysium.

02:49:00.000 But yeah, it looks pretty sweet.

02:49:03.000 Wow, this looks incredible.

02:49:04.000 He upgrades his body, you know?

02:49:06.000 Oh my god!

02:49:07.000 Yeah.

02:49:09.000 His body is like... 1.00

02:49:17.000 that shit's drilled into his body? 1.00

02:49:19.000 Yeah, he's upgraded his body. 1.00

02:49:21.000 Holy fuck. 1.00

02:49:22.000 You know that's coming. 1.00

02:49:23.000 Yeah.

02:49:24.000 Whoa. 1.00

02:49:31.000 This is like some Mad Max type shit. 1.00

02:49:33.000 Yeah, totally. 0.99

02:49:35.000 Dude, when does this come out?

02:49:36.000 August 9th.

02:49:37.000 Oh, this looks awful, Jodie Foster.

02:49:42.000 It's very District Rain-y looking too.

02:49:44.000 Except no aliens.

02:49:46.000 That we know of.

02:49:48.000 That we know of?

02:49:49.000 You mean there might be aliens?

02:49:49.000 There might be aliens in there.

02:49:50.000 Why do you say that? 1.00

02:49:51.000 You're just making shit up. 1.00

02:49:52.000 No, I said you don't know. 1.00

02:49:52.000 I'm gonna be looking for aliens now. 1.00

02:49:53.000 I'm gonna be all, like, hoping there's an alien.

02:49:56.000 It looks badass though.

02:49:58.000 Yeah.

02:49:59.000 That looks pretty dope. 0.95

02:50:00.000 But I prefer aliens. 0.99

02:50:02.000 You know, if you're going to be all in the future and shit, I want to see something that's not real. 0.98

02:50:06.000 I want to see Starship Troopers. 0.97

02:50:07.000 I want to see giant bug people.

02:50:08.000 I want to see, like, the movie alien, like the Sigourney Weaver alien. 1.00

02:50:12.000 That's the shit, folks. 1.00

02:50:13.000 That's the shit. 1.00

02:50:13.000 That's my movie. 1.00

02:50:14.000 That's the shit, folks. 1.00

02:50:14.000 Before we go, can I just pump Sacramento? 1.00

02:50:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:50:18.000 Sacramento, next month, 5-3, 5-4, May 3rd and 4th.

02:50:21.000 We're going to be in Sacramento with Tony Hinchcliffe and Sam Tripoli.

02:50:25.000 And then San Francisco, Sunday, May 5th.

02:50:27.000 We're doing one show there.

02:50:28.000 Tickets are on sale right now.

02:50:30.000 And then tonight, me and Joey Diaz are at Ice House with a couple other guys.

02:50:34.000 And Joey will also be at Flappers on Tuesday for Tom Segura's benefit for his dog.

02:50:39.000 And I'll be there too.

02:50:40.000 And Brian and Ari is going to be there as well.

02:50:42.000 And I'll be there.

02:50:43.000 Have you heard the lineup?

02:50:44.000 It's sick.

02:50:45.000 Yeah, it's a crazy lineup.

02:50:46.000 It's like us and then Burt Kreischer's going to be there.

02:50:48.000 It's amazing. 0.97

02:50:48.000 It's ridiculous. 0.97

02:50:49.000 And it's all for the aid of Tommy's dog. 0.98

02:50:53.000 He got a dog that got really, really sick.

02:50:55.000 So they're putting the dog to hospital care and all this stuff, and it costs a lot of money.

02:50:59.000 So we're taking care of our buddy Tommy.

02:51:01.000 Please come and support.

02:51:02.000 It's Tuesday at Flappers.

02:51:05.000 Thanks, everybody.

02:51:07.000 Thanks for all the powerful love out there from the internet. 0.57

02:51:11.000 We appreciate the shit out of you guys. 0.86

02:51:13.000 April 19th, I'm in Miami. 0.98

02:51:15.000 You were in San Jose, but you sold out already.

02:51:17.000 So help me out April 19th.

02:51:19.000 Jackie Gleason Theater.

02:51:21.000 You're at the Fillmore?

02:51:22.000 Yeah, the Fillmore.

02:51:23.000 Two shows, 8 and 10 o'clock.

02:51:24.000 Go to the South Beach Comedy Festival.

02:51:26.000 Bill Burr's there Thursday.

02:51:28.000 Tracy Morgan's there.

02:51:29.000 Silverman's there. 0.99

02:51:30.000 It's a nice little fucking lineup. 0.99

02:51:32.000 I'm only there. 0.99

02:51:32.000 I'll be back here 420, smoking dope somewhere. 0.99

02:51:36.000 But make sure if you're West Palm Jews, come on down. 1.00

02:51:39.000 Fuck Fort Lauderdale Jews, come on down, cocksuckers! 1.00

02:51:42.000 I did that gig a couple of years ago with Tom. 1.00

02:51:45.000 Me and Tom Segura did it. 0.98

02:51:46.000 It's fucking fun. 0.98

02:51:47.000 The Miami Comedy Festival is really fun. 0.99

02:51:49.000 I need to start doing it every year.

02:51:51.000 I couldn't do it this year, though.

02:51:52.000 I had something booked already.

02:51:53.000 You know what's really done in my West Palm Beach this year?

02:51:56.000 West Palm Beach is badass.

02:51:57.000 I was very impressed this year, guys.

02:51:58.000 We had a great time.

02:51:59.000 Four shows.

02:52:00.000 Bing, bang, boom.

02:52:01.000 Sold out.

02:52:02.000 2,400 people in and out of there.

02:52:04.000 Good sets.

02:52:04.000 Good energy.

02:52:05.000 Keep doing that one.

02:52:06.000 Oh, we're in.

02:52:07.000 We're in.

02:52:07.000 That's a good one.

02:52:08.000 You know what else, too?

02:52:09.000 It's like, what's happening now is all these clubs that we go to, we're bringing our crowd.

02:52:12.000 So you're getting all these really fun, positive people.

02:52:15.000 No matter where we go, we're getting them everywhere. 0.73

02:52:18.000 Nashville was fucking outstanding. 0.99

02:52:19.000 Nashville was fucking outstanding. 0.99

02:52:20.000 Outstanding. 0.99

02:52:21.000 Outstanding.

02:52:22.000 Indianapolis was outstanding. 0.96

02:52:24.000 The Debt Squad Nashville, I want to give all these Debt Squad charters are fucking real. 0.94

02:52:27.000 Yeah, all you. 1.00

02:52:28.000 Lifting, you bad, crazy motherfuckers. 1.00

02:52:30.000 Just please keep it together. 1.00

02:52:32.000 On our behalf, don't let any government agents infiltrate and start to fuck up the group, a la the Juggalos. 1.00

02:52:38.000 There's already a government. 0.92

02:52:40.000 They're trying to find out where the weed is.

02:52:41.000 Once weed will become legal, they have nothing to talk about us for.

02:52:43.000 We're not really looking to overthrow anything.

02:52:45.000 Just relax, government agents.

02:52:47.000 And I'm in Austin, too, next month, having a good time.

02:52:49.000 I can't wait to go eat some good food.

02:52:51.000 Beautiful.

02:52:52.000 I love Austin.

02:52:53.000 I'm headed to a seminar in Austin for the TV show.

02:52:57.000 I gotta go talk to some doctors about some wacky disease.

02:53:00.000 So when you come back, you're beautiful, baby.

02:53:02.000 You're beautiful, baby, too. 1.00

02:53:05.000 New Brunswick, bitches! 1.00

02:53:06.000 New Brunswick. 1.00

02:53:07.000 J.L. Sonnen.

02:53:08.000 It's basically sold out.

02:53:08.000 Now, who else is on that card?

02:53:09.000 I don't think there's any tickets available for our show.

02:53:12.000 Can you please tell me who's on that card?

02:53:13.000 I do not have it in front of me, but I'll pull it up and take us a second.

02:53:17.000 What's up, B-Ray?

02:53:18.000 While I'm taking a second, let's thank our sponsors.

02:53:20.000 That's right. 1.00

02:53:20.000 I'd like to thank Stamps.com, you bad motherfuckers. 1.00

02:53:24.000 Again, if you have ever ordered any of those deskwad.tv t-shirts from Brian Redman, all of those came from the software that Brian uses from Stamps.com. 0.98

02:53:35.000 It is an excellent service.

02:53:36.000 You don't have to go to the post office ever again.

02:53:38.000 You can sit at home.

02:53:40.000 You use their software.

02:53:42.000 You measure it.

02:53:43.000 If you use the code word JRE, there's a microphone.

02:53:47.000 If you click it in the upper right-hand corner and in the code name JRE, that's Joe Rogan Experience, ladies and gentlemen.

02:53:51.000 You get a free digital scale, and it's, what is it, a $110 offer?

02:53:56.000 Yes.

02:53:57.000 $110 bonus offer.

02:53:59.000 $55, up to $55 free postage and digital scale.

02:54:03.000 It's a dope service.

02:54:04.000 If you have a small business, it is really, like, the best way to go.

02:54:08.000 I mean, don't torture yourself.

02:54:09.000 Use it.

02:54:10.000 Post Office works awesome.

02:54:12.000 Stamps.com.

02:54:13.000 Get it.

02:54:14.000 Holla.

02:54:15.000 J-R-E. Use the code. 0.74

02:54:17.000 Thanks to Onnit.com.

02:54:19.000 That's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name ROGAN. Save yourself 10% off any and all supplements.

02:54:26.000 Thanks also to Ting.

02:54:28.000 If you go to rogan.ting.com and enter in your information and get $25 credit towards either a phone or a device.

02:54:42.000 That is it for this week because I've been doing that TV show thing.

02:54:46.000 I've been busy, so we won't be back until Monday.

02:54:49.000 But on Monday, we're starting back again.

02:54:51.000 With Steve Rinella and Brian Callen.

02:54:55.000 And Tuesday, Greg Fitzsimmons.

02:54:58.000 And most likely, we'll do one more podcast next week as well.

02:55:03.000 And to answer Joey Diaz, I'm going to the UFC and I'm looking for the schedule.

02:55:10.000 Upcoming events.

02:55:11.000 Let's see what we got here.

02:55:12.000 What we got, baby.

02:55:13.000 Let's see.

02:55:14.000 Red Band tonight.

02:55:14.000 Tickets still available.

02:55:15.000 Tickets at icehouseconedy.com.

02:55:17.000 And don't forget Miami next Friday. 1.00

02:55:19.000 Get your shit together. 1.00

02:55:20.000 Don't bring no blow. 1.00

02:55:21.000 Just reefer, rolling papers, edibles, bazookas, Cuban sandwiches, croquetas, shit like that. 0.95

02:55:28.000 Yeah, let's see what the fight card is here. 1.00

02:55:29.000 Don't fuck around. 0.99

02:55:32.000 We're looking at the Jones versus Sonnen fight card. 1.00

02:55:36.000 Goddamn, my internet sucks. 0.98

02:55:38.000 Any day now, ladies and gentlemen, it'll be fixed. 0.99

02:55:40.000 Alan Belcher versus Michael Bisping. 0.99

02:55:42.000 That's a great fucking fight. 1.00

02:55:44.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

02:55:44.000 That's a great fucking fight. 1.00

02:55:45.000 How about this? 1.00

02:55:46.000 You ready for this?

02:55:47.000 Roy Big Country Nelson versus Czech Congo. 1.00

02:55:51.000 Strap the fuck in, son. 1.00

02:55:53.000 That could get crazy. 1.00

02:55:55.000 Big Country and Czech Congo? 1.00

02:55:57.000 Goddamn, that's going to be a great fight. 0.99

02:55:59.000 Vinny Magalese and Phil Davis, I fucking love it. 0.99

02:56:02.000 I love that fight. 0.85

02:56:03.000 Vinny Magalese has been asking for that fight, too.

02:56:06.000 You know, Vinny Magalese, when he left The Ultimate Fighter, went over to M1 Global and kicked ass and became their champion. 0.96

02:56:13.000 Really developed some striking to go along with his jiu-jitsu, which is some of the best in the fucking world. 0.99

02:56:18.000 And Phil Davis is a beast, man. 0.99

02:56:19.000 He's a wicked wrestler. 0.99

02:56:20.000 Comes from Alliance, a great camp. 1.00

02:56:22.000 That's a great fucking fight. 1.00

02:56:23.000 Jim Miller versus Ryan Healy, that's a great fucking fight. 1.00

02:56:28.000 Goddamn, son! 1.00

02:56:29.000 There's great fights on the undercard, too. 0.99

02:56:33.000 That guy...

02:56:34.000 What else did we get here?

02:56:39.000 Oh, Ovin St. Pru?

02:56:40.000 Yeah, he's finally fighting.

02:56:42.000 He's on the FX fight.

02:56:43.000 He's the dude, he was a beast.

02:56:44.000 He was doing really well over in Strikeforce.

02:56:46.000 And finally, he's in the UFC as well.

02:56:49.000 There's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 fights that card.

02:56:55.000 So it's excellent.

02:56:56.000 And there's a girl fight too.

02:56:57.000 Woohoo! 1.00

02:56:58.000 Yeah, powerful.

02:56:59.000 Sarah McMahon and Sheila Gaff.

02:57:02.000 This is going to be wild, man.

02:57:03.000 Having all these chick fights inside the octagon is going to be very interesting. 0.98

02:57:07.000 Misha Tate is fighting soon, too. 0.98

02:57:09.000 And when Misha Tate fights, that's going to be really fucking interesting. 0.53

02:57:12.000 Because she's the one who's going to fight Ronda Rousey.

02:57:15.000 They're going to compete against each other on The Ultimate Fighter.

02:57:18.000 I like Misha Chase.

02:57:20.000 I'm a fan of her.

02:57:20.000 She's awesome.

02:57:21.000 I follow her on Twitter.

02:57:21.000 I like her.

02:57:22.000 She's awesome. 0.83

02:57:22.000 She's a very, very cool person. 0.83

02:57:23.000 I love her death.

02:57:24.000 As her boyfriend, Brian Carraway. 1.00

02:57:26.000 He's cool as fuck, too. 0.99

02:57:27.000 All right. 0.98

02:57:27.000 That's it for this week. 0.98

02:57:29.000 Did we say thank you to Stamps.com?

02:57:30.000 Yes.

02:57:31.000 Thank you to Stamps.com.

02:57:32.000 Thank you to everybody.

02:57:32.000 That's it.

02:57:33.000 Thank you to everybody.

02:57:33.000 Thank you, Ting.

02:57:34.000 Ting.

02:57:35.000 Ting on it.

02:57:36.000 Thank you, all you people.

02:57:38.000 All you people.

02:57:38.000 Sprint.

02:57:39.000 I love all you motherfuckers. 1.00

02:57:40.000 All you savages on Twitter. 1.00

02:57:41.000 Hyundai.

02:57:42.000 Adidas.

02:57:42.000 All you people out there making it in the free world.

02:57:44.000 Fruit of the Loom.

02:57:44.000 Keep on rockin'.

02:57:45.000 Don't worry about Confederate flags. 0.81

02:57:47.000 Be a Leonard Skinner fan.

02:57:49.000 Don't be scared.

02:57:50.000 Don't be scared, LL Cool J. Keep it together, you fucking freaks. 1.00

02:57:55.000 We love the shit out of you. 1.00

02:57:56.000 We appreciate you very much. 0.58

02:57:58.000 Joey?

02:57:58.000 I love you guys from the bottom of my heart.

02:58:00.000 Stay black. 1.00

02:58:01.000 Have a great weekend.

02:58:02.000 I love both of you. 0.99

02:58:03.000 See you in Miami, bitches! 1.00

02:58:04.000 We love all you freaks. 0.99

02:58:05.000 We'll see you soon.

The Joe Rogan Experience - April 12, 2013

Joe Rogan Experience #347 - Joey Diaz

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript