In this episode of the podcast, we have a special guest on the show, a man who has an obsession with monkeys. We talk about how he got into the primate world, and what it's like being a primate. Also, we talk about what it means to be a talking monkey, and why we should all be talking to other monkeys. We also talk about the evolution of the human species, and whether or not we can be primate scientists. We hope you enjoy this episode, and if you like it, please leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, and we'll read out your comments and thoughts in the next episode. Thank you so much for being a part of this amazing community, and don't forget to subscribe and share it with your friends and family. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE so we can keep bringing you quality, high-quality content. XOXO, EJ & Brian Thanks for listening and supporting the podcast! Xoxo, Ej and Brian, E.J. & EJ, and thanks for the support and support! Brian & Ej, and EJ is a big thank you EJ's work is so beautiful and amazing, and it means a lot to us. Ej is a very special thanks to EJ for all the love and support of EJ. , EJ and Ej's work, and all the hard work EJ does a lot of work Ej does to make this podcast. . EJ gives us the chance to make us the best music we get to be able to do this podcast in the best possible way possible. Ej gives us a chance to do the best work we can do for us all the best of our day to help us all a chance in the world. EJ can do the most of what we can get. - EJ gets the most out of our best possible chance possible. Thank you Ej gets the best shot at making us the most authentic experience possible. -- EJ -- Thank you, Brian and EK, EK & EK is the most beautiful thing possible. Thanks EJ -- EK and we are so much more than he can do that we get the best chance to support us with the best day to do that in the most amazing thing possible, and he does the best he gets to do.
00:02:30.000If they didn't exist, we would be tripping the fuck out.
00:02:33.000If someone showed you, if there was no chimpanzees, and all of a sudden we found chimpanzees somewhere, we'd be like, holy shit, look at them, they're looking at you, they're thinking, oh my god, they're using tools, holy fuck, look at this, this is like a window back in time!
00:02:48.000This is like the fucking sensory deprivation tank in altered states!
00:03:25.000Our direct ancestors that they believe.
00:03:28.000It's like, somehow or another, we had to be more primitive.
00:03:31.000It wasn't like we just started out close to a human.
00:03:34.000There were some steps along the way, you fuck.
00:03:37.000And I think it's not unreasonable to look at chimpanzees and say, even though that's not our step along the way, it's from a different branch of the same tree, the same primate tree, I think you can reasonably extrapolate that there's something very similar to the way they are that we probably were, you know, at least we can put it together.
00:03:52.000Them and orangutans and bonobos, we can mix them all together and try to figure out what the fuck we were like.
00:03:57.000There's different models that have to come along before humans.
00:04:52.000So what people don't know is that I'm financially irresponsible and...
00:04:58.000I'm not that good at advertising shit.
00:05:00.000And a lot of times when we do our podcast, the advertisements may take as long as 20 minutes.
00:05:05.000Because somewhere in the advertisements, you know, Brian Callum might bring up some crazy fucking book that he read, and all of a sudden we're on this wild journey, or Duncan Trussell blows your mind with a certain thought in the middle of a commercial talking about something, and now you're off on a tangent.
00:05:21.000But a lot of that shit never makes it to Sirius Satellite Radio.
00:05:25.000I even think, isn't the show only like an hour long too?
00:05:27.000Like they just edit it down to an hour or something?
00:07:40.000If this is the, you know, if you buy the official story, Alex Jones, if you buy the official story, ladies and gentlemen!
00:07:47.000But if you, you know, you look at this guy, like who they're claiming this guy is that was the older brother, they think he might have committed three murders as well.
00:10:24.000But getting stuck in that old shit like that, that's the only reason why politicians are able to get away with the way they communicate today.
00:10:32.000I can't imagine being a person who is into politics, like really into it, and not be cynical and not be...
00:10:41.000It's so disheartening to follow politics.
00:11:18.000When you hear a person give a speech and they have that weird sort of artificial quality to the way they're talking, we should reject that.
00:12:52.000You know that feeling when someone's lying to you, that when you're looking at them and they're just straight bullshitting you, and they won't even look you in the eye, they're looking down, looking around, and panicking as they bullshit you.
00:13:05.000The worst is if you know somebody that can do, when you know they're lying and they're not panicking, you're like, oh, you're a crazy person.
00:16:04.000A number of years ago, and I took this money that I got from this investment in mines, and I bought this company that takes hot air balloons up in the air.
00:16:13.000It cost me like a quarter million to get the startup going.
00:16:36.000Yeah, but then there's something you see in the eyes where you're like, oh, I really think there's...
00:16:43.000Maybe I'm talking to somebody who has a form of mental illness, and it's not the type that makes you go like, I don't know like maybe more scare or maybe like sillier like it's not he has all the intelligence and you can talk about like what should we eat now and you have a normal conversation about that and then it goes off into like 10 different storylines.
00:18:45.000I feel like that almost with super negative people, like people that it's not good for you to be around, you pick up on additional vibes from them.
00:19:01.000But if they leave, like, if you're just meeting them and they leave the room, and like, let's say you just brought somebody in, right when they leave, you're like, something's off with that guy.
00:21:47.000Burt Kreischer and Joey Diaz, ladies and gentlemen, they are actually doing a podcast, a live podcast, which is the perfect spot for it right next door at the Ice House, and they're doing that at 8.30.
00:22:00.000And is that going to be on Ustream or anything like that, or just on iTunes?
00:23:02.000Yeah, he thinks that it's possible that ever since he was a little boy, like he's been missing time, he misses time sometimes, and he thinks it's possible that they take him.
00:23:12.000And he doesn't want to let that shit out.
00:23:13.000He doesn't want to talk about it too much.
00:23:15.000Because fucking Nick Diaz would get a hold of that fucking tariff.
00:24:26.000And it's a point I've heard before, but it's still a really good point.
00:24:29.000He's like, imagine if you were a fish and you were in the ocean and you were living your life and all of a sudden...
00:24:36.000A man come in with a hook and he pull you out of the water and you come back to tell your friend, like, look, I saw a person and there was a plane in the sky.
00:24:47.000They'd be like, get the fuck out of here, you're crazy.
00:26:18.000I remember we were in Jersey one time and me and Joe were on a bus headed to the UFC event and I showed him this pond and I said, look at cancer.
00:28:55.000We're moving out of that apartment and I'm, you know, how you move out and you've got clothes everywhere and I'm just digging my hands in and my buddy comes in the room and he goes, oh, keep a lookout for my python!
00:29:39.000So, yeah, these guys broke into our house, and she put our dogs in our rooms, and they broke into the house, and they let the fucking snake out.1.00
00:29:45.000They fucking broke into the house, stole all her shit, and let her snake out.1.00
00:29:48.000So you're not totally responsible for it.
00:31:12.000And you've got a psycho fucking dog.1.00
00:31:13.000And there's also, dogs get really protective of their owners, and if they sense that their owner might not be very dominant, maybe it doesn't have deep voice or something like that, the dog might be extra protective.
00:34:51.000And it's been that way for thousands of years.
00:34:53.000And the cruel aspect of the dog fighting, though, is what makes amazing dogs.
00:34:59.000Because the ones that survived through that horrible ordeal, the genetics that were passed on, because the dogs that quit and the dogs that cowed and backed away from a fight were killed.
00:36:07.000In the world of fighting dogs, this is where it gets really squirrely, because it's not like I'm trying to glorify this world and give it morals or anything like that, but the reality is in the fighting dog world, you're not supposed to sell the puppies.
00:36:21.000They're called puppy peddlers, and they're looked down upon.
00:36:24.000You're only supposed to let your dog breed with really respectable breeds, so you're going to make some crazy killer dog.
00:36:30.000And men will loan out their dog, and you see the lineage written down, like Rough Riders, Bronco, and Saddle Stables, Sheila E. And that's the dog's precedence, and they all know the championship bloodlines.
00:36:46.000It's totally illegal to have dogfighting, but the shit has been documented very thoroughly.
00:37:33.000Yeah, we never want to think that a guy who's capable of such great heights as being like this massively successful football player could also be capable of such an insane cruelty.
00:40:27.000The U, when he shows all the fucking Michael Irvin and those guys in front of clubs, and he goes, the Miami Dolphins used to ask the college guys to get them into the clubs.
00:41:50.000I don't know if that's the one for the U. Warren Sapp, he did Birth to Conquer with me.
00:41:56.000Well, I gotta remember this and write this down.
00:41:58.000Yeah, that motherfucker was giving out blood tests.
00:42:00.000He was coming out positive and giving somebody else's.
00:42:03.000This guy, they were smoking dope all the way to the NFL. Isn't it interesting that when you have football players and basketball players, they make rules on how they're allowed to celebrate.
00:48:00.000How many times is when someone's talking to you and you're not even paying attention because you're thinking about something else and you're giving them a small percentage and you're trying to figure something out and you go, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, what?
00:48:09.000Or like taxi drivers, you know, you just hear the main words.
00:48:13.000Many, many times I've been distracted.
00:48:14.000My dad is the king of that, and I know when he's playing chess, I'll be like, what's up man?
00:51:36.000And Bernard Hopkins refuses to admit it's him playing it on the show and afterwards in every interview I don't know what the fuck you're talking about that's not me but it is him.
00:51:47.000We take Bernard Hopkins, we go fishing with him, I call him dad.
00:51:50.000But you have to listen to him at some point.
00:51:52.000Would he have good stories to tell us?
00:53:57.000Joe gave me this big bottle of pop soda that was made out of marijuana.
00:54:04.000I had it in my fridge for a while and me and my fiancee at the time We were all recording ourselves because my dad was in town for the night.
00:54:13.000And I think I put the camera down and then...
00:54:16.000He's like, oh, I want to have some of this wine or champagne or whatever.
00:56:44.000So when you eat the pot, you either close your eyes.
00:56:48.000I've had this happen on planes before, where I ate a cookie before I got to the airport, and then while I'm on the plane, you're tripping your balls off.
00:56:56.000When you close your eyes, in the darkness of your closed eyes, that's when your imagination starts firing.
00:57:18.000And that's just closing your eyes on a plane.
00:57:20.000Inside the tank, it almost opens up another realm of experience.
00:57:26.000It's very strange because in the absence of light, all this stuff flying through your brain sort of manifests itself as visual information.
00:57:35.000You don't just get the feeling like, oh, life's slipping away.
00:57:40.000You get that feeling when your eyes are open, but everything looks normal.
00:57:44.000Everything looks a little faker and everything looks kind of two-dimensional, a little closer than it should be, but it still looks normal.
00:57:51.000But when you close your eyes, then you get The fucking color show.
00:57:55.000You get this madness and craziness in front of you.
00:57:58.000Yeah, I've had an absolute freaked out, oh my god, blowing my mind experiences eating it.
01:02:45.000That was really cool the way I panicked for my life for a few hours, you know, just from sitting there.
01:02:50.000When I was in full panic mode, okay, from taking this one pill, when Eddie Bravo had taken two, I was in full panic mode and I was talking to this dude.
01:03:00.000And the dude I was talking to was a very high-level jujitsu guy who also apparently was a rapist.
01:03:08.000And while I was talking to him, I'm so high.
01:03:24.000You know, he's like a really high-level jiu-jitsu guy, but he also feels like, wow, like, if you were alone in the woods with this guy, you know, and you'd gone for a few days without food, he might fucking eat you.
01:04:56.000If you're having that type of experience on the trip, and you've eaten too much, and you happen to be in a not cool environment, like if you're in an already dangerous situation, oh my God.
01:06:48.000And he's, like, he's a super, really, like, the thing that I was obsessed with when I had him on was that he didn't, like, he grew up there, and he didn't, like, watch stand-up growing up.
01:07:03.000And he came into college at 19, and he's so good at it that I'm like, yeah, but I still understand how you're good at it.
01:07:10.000Because, like, how has your sense of humor developed?
01:07:14.000You started at, like, basically 19, like, being exposed to this at all.
01:07:45.000They all have some sort of public gathering where someone gets to talk.
01:07:51.000But for entertainment, I mean, how many places have...
01:07:53.000It's just breaking out in some parts of the world now.
01:07:56.000I know in a lot of Spanish-speaking countries, there are clubs now and a stand-up show, even for television, but they don't have the basically 80, 100-year history that we have of it coming from the Catskills and it being...
01:08:14.000Like, a thing that has different genres.
01:09:05.000They were like, it was a different kind of comedy.
01:09:08.000And then Lenny Bruce came along, and all of a sudden he starts talking about real shit.
01:09:12.000And all of a sudden he starts breaking down our use of language, and why do we have to say this, and talking about real scenarios in the home, and like, whoa, that was the birth.
01:13:04.000And girls that would grab your dick, and some girls wouldn't.1.00
01:13:07.000Did you have those girls that everyone would pass around during movies, like when they had the projectors out, and then she'd be like, oh, we got the finger!1.00
01:15:13.000And raising a human when you're stuck on momentum and screaming at people in traffic and calling your wife a cunt and kicking your dog.0.96
01:19:51.000Well, when they start having to make cutbacks, their cutbacks are things like, we're not flying private, we're flying, you know, commercial.
01:19:58.000And she picks up one of her kids, they land, and she picks up her kid at the airport, and she's like, What do you think of flying commercial?
01:21:01.000Basically, what happened was his business is a luxury business, but it's a luxury for the middle class.
01:21:10.000So timeshares are something where it's like, if you have a good job, you can more than pay your bills, you can afford to do something like, let's go to Disney World this year, or let's go to Vegas.
01:21:20.000But they sell you on, well, you can afford to do this.
01:21:23.000And it's people who have that extra money, some disposable income, but not super wealthy.
01:21:28.000So what does it mean when you have a timeshare?
01:21:30.000Does it mean you have this month and I have that month?
01:24:55.000This would be a good investment in your life because you can rent this out, sub-rent it out, and you will always have this really cool place in the Pompano's or whatever.
01:25:04.000Also telling you if you don't use it for the weeks that you get it, you could rent it out.
01:25:08.000You could rent it out to other people and make a profit from it.
01:25:10.000Actually, it's going to cost you this, but you could rent it.
01:27:54.000Well, like, just certain, like, hey, man, do you want to go see this shit and backpack with, like, eight people, but we'll see something awesome.
01:28:00.000Like, nah, man, I don't want to do that.
01:28:02.000Like, if I... I'm not saying I have to have four seasons.
01:29:35.000And they're like, now we're going to stay at this place.
01:29:38.000Well, you won't have your own room or bathroom, but if you get the key from the front desk, I'd be like, you know, I'll wait on Paris for a little while so that I can, you know, stay in my own room or something.
01:30:54.000I was like, yeah, he goes, lays in the bed, and like before I even can sit down, I hear him like not just snoring, but he also grinds his teeth.
01:33:44.000Because if you can control your breath, and your diaphragm is a muscle that you can control much like you can control your arms or your legs.
01:39:06.000I love the, um, and I love seeing, like, I have so many friends who I started out with who I'm, like, proud of just watching them as my friends.
01:40:07.000But as far as human beings, as far as intelligence, vibing with human beings, I think I vibe better with Northern California people than anybody on the planet.
01:40:16.000I have some friends that live up there, and whenever I go to hang with them, I always feel like, God damn it, why don't I live in Northern California?
01:40:56.000I have seen pornos where I see the girl really struggle to get a guy's soft dick into her mouth, and I'm like, that's a big dick right there.1.00
01:41:04.000She's really struggling with his limp.
01:41:26.000So, because we know this exists, because we know that this chimp takes this frog and picks it up and puts it on his little chimp cock and fucks it, because we know that exists, I don't think it's that preposterous to propose that in an alternate world there could be a giant boar that makes you suck his cock.0.99
01:42:36.000You know, if you can keep them from clamping down on your cock and balls.
01:42:39.000And I think that maybe chimps probably have a much more leathery cock skin.1.00
01:42:43.000I think that was the whole idea in the beginning.
01:42:46.000You know, we had more leathery cock skin, and then that's why the head retracted, you have the sensitive tip, and that's what makes you shoot.0.98
01:42:52.000But the average cock back in the day was probably a lot tougher than the cocks of today.0.99
01:42:57.000These fucking dicks today, they can't take...0.84
01:43:00.000Branches snapping into them or rubbing up against gravel while you fucking try to climb up the rocks at the beach.
01:43:28.000No, I was trying to motivate a girl, and she was on an all-girls fear factor, and there was these other girls that were saying, don't do it, don't do it, because she was scared, and so they were trying to make her more scared, and I said, hey, I go, listen, listen to me, don't listen to those catty wenches.1.00
01:44:10.000I don't think they've had wenches in Ohio.
01:44:12.000And so a catty wench would not be a prostitute.1.00
01:44:15.000It would be a chick that talks too fucking much and is trying to damage a young lady's confidence in completing a challenge for $50,000.1.00
01:50:46.000And Ari was like one of the first guys that I saw go from being like, you know, like an open miker to like a fucking legit headliner, like a real headliner who comes up with an hour's worth of new shit every year.
01:51:57.000May 2nd I'm in Toronto and I'm doing this show at the Underground Comedy Club and then May 17th I'm in Portland and At the Fun House Lounge.
01:53:39.000Actually, I was really stoned, and I was reading about Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and how they edited out all these, like, the artist, like, you know, there's a scene where Jessica Rabbit pops out of the taxi, and you can see her vagina, and there's a few other scenes where, like, a baby looks up a dress, and there's drool coming out of the baby's mouth.
01:54:12.000So then I found out that the only version that you can find that part in the movie is on a Laserdisc version, and there's only one version of that Laserdisc, and so I went on eBay and bought it for $4.
01:54:32.000No, it's like literally the ones that are out there are the only ones that exist.
01:54:36.000What's cool about the one I got is I got this really high tech like five disc changer slash laser disc player and I was like, this is like the best.
01:54:44.000It was on clearance for some reason and then like two months later a DVD came out.
01:55:40.000I'm not up on that, but I did, when I was at my friend, the Google friend's house, I did see the Google laptop with the Chrome operating system.
01:57:00.000This show, I'm getting to do so much cool shit, and most of it I can't talk about because I can't give away any secrets or any of the things that we found out.
01:57:52.000And so in the movie, they're in this mall.
01:57:56.000And I always find places that have closed down interesting.
01:57:58.000This whole mall is actually a real mall that's in Palm Springs and whatever.
01:58:02.000So I'm researching this mall while I'm on hold trying to get to talk to this girl.
01:58:06.000And I found out there's all these pictures of this big Marilyn Monroe statue where they took two parts of Marilyn Monroe and put it in front of this mall.
01:58:14.000Somehow it came up with Google search.
01:58:15.000And I'm just looking at this crazy Marilyn Monroe thing.
01:58:18.000And then so I'm talking to this girl and the next day today I noticed that she follows me on Twitter or somebody from DreamHosts follows me on Twitter who's a girl and she writes me.
01:58:29.000She's like, you got somebody on your side.
02:02:18.000And now that Ronda Rousey has become so famous, it's like this is going to open the door to so many female athletes that have never even considered it before.
02:02:26.000You start looking at it and you go, you know what?
02:02:27.000I always wanted to kick a bitch's ass.1.00