The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #37

00:00:00.000 I wake up early in the moment You go to sleep late at night I kinda friend like I don't want to Inside

00:00:29.000 I'm losing my mind Do you wanna be my baby?

00:00:36.000 Do you wanna be my girl?

00:00:45.000 tell me that you got a boyfriend Don't tell me I'm not your type Let's do a little nice talking And a little more,

00:01:02.000 little more, little more feeling right What's your name?

00:01:23.000 What's your name?

00:01:26.000 Brian.

00:01:27.000 That's Brian.

00:01:29.000 That's a good goddamn fucking song, Brian.

00:01:31.000 You like it?

00:01:32.000 You know how to pick them.

00:01:33.000 Who is that?

00:01:33.000 Mike Posner.

00:01:34.000 Mike Posner.

00:01:35.000 This is the guy who became famous over the internet?

00:01:37.000 Yes.

00:01:38.000 Wow.

00:01:39.000 That's pretty goddamn good.

00:01:40.000 We got AOL Instant Messenger going on in the background or something?

00:01:42.000 Yeah, it's something going on.

00:01:43.000 I don't know what it is.

00:01:44.000 Okay.

00:01:45.000 Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much once again for tuning in to the podcast.

00:01:52.000 As always, we are sponsored by The Fleshlight.

00:01:54.000 My special guest today is Rick Schroeder.

00:01:56.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Rick Schroeder.

00:01:59.000 Thank you.

00:01:59.000 You like to be Rick From a million different things The first time I was ever exposed to you I was a little kid And my stepfather took me to see The Champ And I cried like a bitch Really?

00:02:11.000 Oh That's a good story Oh You know I'm remaking that You got me so hard I was a little kid You know I'm remaking that Are you doing it again?

00:02:18.000 Really?

00:02:19.000 In the world of hopefully your world In the MMA world?

00:02:22.000 Wow.

00:02:23.000 Dana's got it.

00:02:24.000 Really?

00:02:24.000 Wow.

00:02:25.000 Holy shit.

00:02:26.000 That's awesome.

00:02:26.000 Yeah.

00:02:27.000 Yeah, but you can't have the death, though.

00:02:29.000 Yeah, he can.

00:02:29.000 He's never going to go to death.

00:02:30.000 Yeah, they will.

00:02:32.000 Really?

00:02:32.000 You know why?

00:02:33.000 Why?

00:02:33.000 Because the way I got it written, he has a pre-existing condition from a motorcycle accident.

00:02:40.000 That's why he dies.

00:02:41.000 Oh, okay.

00:02:42.000 Because he takes the blow to the head.

00:02:43.000 You crafty Hollywood people!

00:02:46.000 You just know how to trick us!

00:02:47.000 The champ, man.

00:02:48.000 Have you ever seen one of these things before?

00:02:50.000 No.

00:02:51.000 This is the fleshlight.

00:02:52.000 And what it is is, you know, it's a masturbation technology device.

00:02:57.000 It's to make jerking off better.

00:03:01.000 Just jerk off into this thing.

00:03:02.000 Does it collect the fluid there?

00:03:04.000 Nobody's had sex with it.

00:03:05.000 You can touch it.

00:03:05.000 Does it collect the fluid in the bottom or something?

00:03:07.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:03:08.000 This is what I say.

00:03:09.000 Is it recycled?

00:03:10.000 No, you release the kraken of shame is how I describe it.

00:03:13.000 You go like that and it just slithers out into this thing.

00:03:16.000 Show him fish in the bucket.

00:03:17.000 Oh, this is his movie.

00:03:18.000 This is called Fish in the Bucket.

00:03:19.000 Ladies and gentlemen, for you watching on iTunes, when you pull this fleshlight out, it's really soft, fake vagina material.

00:03:27.000 And so when you pull it out of this tube that looks like a flashlight, you see what looks like, you know, the actual device is like, it looks like a jellyfish sort of a thing.

00:03:36.000 Wow, what does that retail for, man?

00:03:38.000 I think it's like 60 bucks or something like that, but if you order through my website, you get 15% off.

00:03:43.000 Supposedly.

00:03:44.000 Supposedly.

00:03:44.000 We gotta figure out how that works.

00:03:45.000 Yeah.

00:03:46.000 Make sure.

00:03:46.000 But hopefully they're selling them, because the fucking things work, man.

00:03:50.000 You know, everybody beats off.

00:03:51.000 Have you tried it?

00:03:52.000 Have I tried it?

00:03:53.000 Today?

00:03:54.000 Did you stutter and just say today?

00:03:56.000 I haven't fucked it today.

00:03:58.000 Why would you try it?

00:03:59.000 You have the most beautiful wife.

00:04:01.000 Yeah, that's all well and good, son.

00:04:03.000 I know his wife.

00:04:03.000 Stop getting crazy.

00:04:06.000 Let's just be realistic.

00:04:07.000 You have to be able to use your mind on occasion.

00:04:10.000 You can't always fuck the same person.

00:04:12.000 You have to fuck someone else with your brain.

00:04:14.000 The flashlight does not talk.

00:04:16.000 Yeah.

00:04:17.000 It's true.

00:04:18.000 It's not even that.

00:04:20.000 There's times where it's like a maintenance thing.

00:04:22.000 You just got to beat off.

00:04:24.000 You don't want to have sex.

00:04:25.000 You don't have the time to get intimate.

00:04:27.000 I don't need to get rid of some loads here.

00:04:29.000 That's all right.

00:04:29.000 Bam.

00:04:30.000 I could understand that, you know, when you're 18 in the shower in the morning.

00:04:34.000 Like, brush your teeth, jack off.

00:04:35.000 You don't understand that as a grown-up?

00:04:36.000 But I don't understand that as a four-year-old.

00:04:38.000 It just...

00:04:39.000 I think my HGH level's crashed.

00:04:41.000 Oh, you gotta start doing squats, son!

00:04:44.000 Gotta get on them deadlifts, son.

00:04:46.000 Handle bells, man.

00:04:47.000 Rick Schroeder just started doing jiu-jitsu.

00:04:49.000 He is taking it now, and you've been taking it for like three days.

00:04:53.000 I've had four classes.

00:04:56.000 Four days.

00:04:57.000 That's fucking awesome.

00:04:58.000 With your teacher, Eddie Bravo.

00:04:58.000 Yeah, he's...

00:05:00.000 Rick Schroeder's learning how to strangle bitches.

00:05:02.000 Have you had that ringworm yet?

00:05:03.000 How about that?

00:05:04.000 I heard about this.

00:05:04.000 Tell him, yeah.

00:05:05.000 Listen, I got some soap for you.

00:05:07.000 I'm going to give it to you before we leave.

00:05:08.000 I wanted to have it out for the podcast, but I forgot.

00:05:10.000 It's called Defense Soap.

00:05:12.000 And you can go to defensesoap.com.

00:05:14.000 I have no affiliation with them.

00:05:16.000 The guy who owns it, Guy Sacco, is just this really cool guy who made this great product.

00:05:20.000 It's all about keeping your skin healthy when you do jiu-jitsu.

00:05:24.000 When you do jiu-jitsu, you're getting scratched and you're rolling around.

00:05:29.000 There's a lot of abrasions all over your body.

00:05:30.000 If you don't wash with a good, healthy soap, you can get infections.

00:05:35.000 You can get ringworm.

00:05:36.000 People don't tell you about it.

00:05:38.000 It's fucking really annoying.

00:05:39.000 You have to find out from other people that do jiu-jitsu.

00:05:42.000 My friend Ari had a staph infection on his knee.

00:05:44.000 His knee had swollen up.

00:05:46.000 We were playing pool, and he's walking around the pool table with this weird limp.

00:05:50.000 So I go, what's going on, man?

00:05:51.000 And he goes, I got a spider bite.

00:05:53.000 And I go, oh, shit.

00:05:54.000 Let me see it.

00:05:54.000 So he pulls his pants up.

00:05:56.000 I go, dude, that's a staph infection.

00:05:57.000 He thought it was a spider bite because it was this big, pus-filled red mark.

00:06:01.000 It looked like he had gotten poisoned with something.

00:06:03.000 It looked like there was venom in there or something.

00:06:05.000 So if I hadn't noticed that, it probably could have got systemic, and he would have had to have been in the hospital with IV and intravenous antibiotics.

00:06:13.000 It's really, really dangerous stuff.

00:06:15.000 What's the ringworm thing?

00:06:16.000 It's not a real worm, right?

00:06:18.000 It's a fungus.

00:06:18.000 No, it's called...

00:06:19.000 No, no.

00:06:19.000 It's the same thing as athlete's foot.

00:06:21.000 It's really the same exact fungus.

00:06:23.000 It's just different parts of your body.

00:06:24.000 And what ringworm is, it's like it grows and it looks like a ring.

00:06:28.000 You know, when it starts to infect you, like a big circle on your body.

00:06:31.000 And that's how you...

00:06:32.000 Crop circles your skin.

00:06:33.000 Yeah.

00:06:33.000 It's usually in circles.

00:06:35.000 Yeah, there's some gnarly dudes at the gym...

00:06:38.000 I mean, you don't want sweaty guys on top of you.

00:06:41.000 It was weird at first.

00:06:44.000 It's weird as fuck, man.

00:06:45.000 I do it every day though.

00:06:47.000 But I do it, I think of it, you know, you don't even think of it really as a dude.

00:06:50.000 You think of it as like a problem.

00:06:52.000 You think of it as like, here's this, you know, there's this thing that's moving around that I have to dissect.

00:06:57.000 You know, I have to dissect this guy.

00:07:00.000 I have to figure out how to lock him down.

00:07:02.000 I have to figure out how to hold him in place.

00:07:03.000 Figure out how to take his arm.

00:07:05.000 What happened there?

00:07:06.000 Major volume.

00:07:07.000 Boom.

00:07:08.000 What'd you do there, Brian?

00:07:08.000 Huh?

00:07:09.000 Now my volume's gone.

00:07:10.000 Your volume's gone?

00:07:11.000 Yeah, you just fucked with something.

00:07:13.000 There you go.

00:07:14.000 That's better.

00:07:14.000 Oh, it's sensitive.

00:07:16.000 Wow, mine's way loud.

00:07:18.000 I'm going to back off the mic.

00:07:19.000 Back off the mic, son.

00:07:21.000 So I'm loving the jujitsu.

00:07:23.000 Yeah, so Rick Schroeder's out there strangling bitches.

00:07:25.000 You got tapped by your own son, though.

00:07:26.000 That's sad.

00:07:27.000 Really?

00:07:28.000 I could have.

00:07:28.000 Come on.

00:07:29.000 You could have got him?

00:07:29.000 I could have got him, all right?

00:07:30.000 You should have got him, then.

00:07:32.000 Next time I will.

00:07:32.000 Let me tell you something.

00:07:33.000 You have kids, you can't let them tap you.

00:07:36.000 My other son, though.

00:07:37.000 My 18-year-old son, Holden.

00:07:38.000 He actually did get me.

00:07:40.000 Well, Holden seems like he's a big, strong, strapping fella, and he's just starting to come into that, so he's really into it.

00:07:48.000 When I talked to him about jiu-jitsu, I was like, dude, you would love it.

00:07:51.000 He would love it, and he needs that gym in Salt Lake.

00:07:54.000 Yeah, Jeremy Horn has a gym in Salt Lake.

00:07:56.000 He's going there for college, right?

00:07:57.000 Yeah, he just went there last week, so he needs to go.

00:08:00.000 Well, we'll get him set up with Jeremy, because Jeremy's got a killer gym, and Jeremy's a really good...

00:08:06.000 Coach, he's one of the best guys you could ever learn from because Jeremy has always been not a physically talented guy.

00:08:12.000 He's not a natural athlete, not super strong or explosive.

00:08:15.000 Just really smart and really technical.

00:08:18.000 That's what he's always been.

00:08:19.000 He's always been real clever on the ground.

00:08:22.000 Just a great guy to learn from.

00:08:23.000 Those are the best guys to learn from.

00:08:25.000 The guys that are really strong.

00:08:26.000 Sometimes they're getting away with like a lot of it is just through athleticism and they're not quite as technical as the guys who are like naturally not that strong.

00:08:33.000 Those are the best guys to learn from.

00:08:35.000 And Jeremy Horn is one of the nicest guys in the world.

00:08:37.000 Cool.

00:08:37.000 So Holden will love it.

00:08:38.000 He's gonna be a killer.

00:08:39.000 He's gonna come back.

00:08:40.000 Oh, he's a beast already.

00:08:41.000 He's gonna get you.

00:08:42.000 He's already a beast.

00:08:44.000 What did he tap you with?

00:08:47.000 It was an arm.

00:08:48.000 It was an arm bar.

00:08:49.000 He got me an arm bar.

00:08:51.000 He got me an arm bar.

00:08:52.000 Damn.

00:08:53.000 And Luke got me on a rude naked choke.

00:08:54.000 Did you think about not tapping?

00:08:56.000 Yeah, but I know my son, and I could feel the emotion.

00:08:59.000 The boys and their dads have this thing, especially when boys turn 18, 19, 20. They have to go through this thing where they have to push their dads away.

00:09:08.000 For some reason, it's part of the natural transition into manhood.

00:09:12.000 Yeah, it is, right?

00:09:13.000 Yeah, and he's going through that right now because he's 18. And I could tell he wanted to hurt me, so I knew I needed to just...

00:09:22.000 That's so crazy.

00:09:22.000 Yeah, and I said, I tapped, and he goes, you can't tap.

00:09:25.000 Yeah.

00:09:25.000 I said, no.

00:09:26.000 I said, hold on, I tapped.

00:09:28.000 He's like, oh!

00:09:29.000 He just wanted to just...

00:09:30.000 Wow, he didn't want you to tap?

00:09:32.000 He didn't want me to tap.

00:09:33.000 That's ridiculous.

00:09:34.000 Why would he not want you to tap?

00:09:35.000 If he got you, he got you.

00:09:36.000 He wants to break your arm?

00:09:37.000 Well, I don't think he wanted to break my arm.

00:09:38.000 Well, that's what happens when you don't get to tap.

00:09:41.000 He did want to give me a little more pain before I tapped out.

00:09:44.000 Wow, that's fucking weird, man.

00:09:46.000 I don't know how I'd handle that.

00:09:47.000 I'd have to beat the fuck out of him.

00:09:49.000 I think I might have to beat the fuck out of him.

00:09:51.000 You're lucky you have girls.

00:09:52.000 I'm lucky.

00:09:53.000 I don't know how I'd deal with that.

00:09:54.000 I might have to choke that dude.

00:09:56.000 I might have to be like, we're gonna figure some shit out here.

00:09:59.000 You know?

00:10:00.000 Damn.

00:10:01.000 You don't want to have to go through that.

00:10:03.000 Some fucking young buck running around your house with his chest puffed out and not listening to you?

00:10:07.000 Well, you know what?

00:10:08.000 You've got to put the hooks in, son.

00:10:10.000 I've got to let him listen another way.

00:10:12.000 Shut the fuck up.

00:10:15.000 Just squeeze him out.

00:10:17.000 You've got to be able to consistently squeeze him out.

00:10:19.000 That's what's most important.

00:10:21.000 You can't just squeeze him out every third time.

00:10:23.000 You've got to be able to squeeze him out every time you guys grapple.

00:10:26.000 You've got to get over them and choke the fuck out of them.

00:10:29.000 I'm going to be at Eddie's Mondays and Wednesdays for the next six months.

00:10:32.000 And I'm going to learn some serious technique.

00:10:33.000 You can.

00:10:34.000 And he and I, we're going to go at it again eventually.

00:10:38.000 Well, this is what you need to do.

00:10:39.000 All you need to do is be consistent.

00:10:41.000 Be consistent.

00:10:42.000 That's the most important thing.

00:10:43.000 Be consistent and spar a lot and get on some sort of a strength program.

00:10:47.000 Get on like...

00:10:48.000 Lifting.

00:10:49.000 Kettlebells are the best because they're really lightweight.

00:10:51.000 You can do it with like a 30-pound kettlebell, 35-pound kettlebell.

00:10:54.000 You get a tremendous workout.

00:10:55.000 I have one workout that I do.

00:10:56.000 It's just one 35-pound kettlebell.

00:10:58.000 You called it a farmer's strength, the way you live.

00:11:01.000 Yeah, you use your whole body, and it just forces you to use everything athletically, as opposed to just bench pressing.

00:11:09.000 Just isolating your tricep.

00:11:10.000 Yeah, that stuff doesn't really enhance your ability to move things.

00:11:14.000 It's like when you have something that you have to control, and you have to balance it, then you develop a different kind of a strength, a strength that has stability and balance, and a strength that...

00:11:23.000 And multiple muscle groups usually...

00:11:25.000 And muscles adjust when things are going wrong and when you're getting tired.

00:11:29.000 You know, that's what's really important.

00:11:30.000 You do that, you'll choke the fuck out of that kid!

00:11:32.000 Just what I'm talking about!

00:11:33.000 Get that little motherfucker!

00:11:34.000 Shut up!

00:11:36.000 You gotta be able to get him all the time.

00:11:38.000 It's very important, man.

00:11:39.000 You have to let him know that every time you roll, you're gonna choke the fuck out of him.

00:11:44.000 This is a foregone conclusion.

00:11:46.000 There's certain dudes that you just own.

00:11:48.000 Like, when I first started doing jiu-jitsu, there was this kid who was this purple belt who was really good.

00:11:52.000 And this dude...

00:11:54.000 He owned me.

00:11:55.000 Every time we rolled, he owned me.

00:11:57.000 It was a foregone conclusion that I was going to tap.

00:12:00.000 I sucked.

00:12:00.000 I was a white belt.

00:12:01.000 I didn't know what I was doing.

00:12:02.000 And he was a really good purple belt.

00:12:04.000 He was strong as fuck.

00:12:05.000 And he used to like to run through me.

00:12:07.000 That's what he liked to do.

00:12:08.000 Just fucking squash me as quick as he could.

00:12:11.000 And it was like, God damn.

00:12:13.000 But there was an order.

00:12:14.000 Yeah, well, you know.

00:12:15.000 He left and I went to another school.

00:12:17.000 The school that we were at closed down.

00:12:18.000 But the important thing was I knew every time I rolled with that guy, unless I get way, way, way better.

00:12:24.000 I had to get way better than I was.

00:12:26.000 That guy was going to fuck me up every time.

00:12:27.000 So there's like, I didn't want to roll with him because he owned me.

00:12:30.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:12:31.000 You got to own your kid.

00:12:32.000 Boom!

00:12:33.000 That's what you gotta do.

00:12:34.000 Get his neck.

00:12:35.000 Just shut the fuck up.

00:12:37.000 That's what you gotta do, dude.

00:12:38.000 A lot of it's psyching out, too.

00:12:39.000 You might wanna, like, shave a mohawk and stuff and start, like, spitting on him and stuff when you see him.

00:12:43.000 Get some tattoos.

00:12:44.000 Spiderweb tattoos.

00:12:45.000 Look out, son.

00:12:46.000 Get yourself one of the Mike Tyson face tattoos.

00:12:48.000 Hold your gun sideways.

00:12:49.000 Bitches know you ain't playing.

00:12:51.000 Rick Schrody's in town, motherfucker.

00:12:54.000 Well, they say Godman didn't make man equal, Smith& Wesson did.

00:12:58.000 That's always my fallback.

00:12:59.000 Rick is a very unusual Hollywood guy.

00:13:05.000 Everybody wants to say that, like he's not a Hollywood guy, but you're not a Hollywood guy.

00:13:08.000 You're a dude who had a ranch out in Colorado.

00:13:11.000 I know you love to hunt.

00:13:13.000 You love a lot of manly shit.

00:13:16.000 Jiu-Jitsu is right up your alley.

00:13:18.000 Totally, man.

00:13:19.000 I mean, I spear gun hunt.

00:13:20.000 Yeah, you do crazy shit.

00:13:22.000 He got back from Africa and showed me all this fucking shit he killed.

00:13:25.000 Went on a great safari with my son.

00:13:27.000 Fly airplanes.

00:13:28.000 He's taking me.

00:13:29.000 We're going to go pig hunting.

00:13:30.000 Nice.

00:13:30.000 We just have to figure out...

00:13:31.000 Well, it's more than pigs, actually.

00:13:33.000 We're going to do a buffalo...

00:13:35.000 I'm not doing anything I can't eat.

00:13:36.000 Bison.

00:13:37.000 You can eat bison burgers.

00:13:38.000 Yes, bison you can.

00:13:39.000 But I'm just saying, you guys kill shit you can't eat.

00:13:41.000 He's going to eat everything that he kills.

00:13:43.000 The only shit that I would kill that I couldn't eat is shit that I think like coyotes that kill cats and shit.

00:13:49.000 I could kill a coyote.

00:13:51.000 I've had cats.

00:13:51.000 Fuck coyotes.

00:13:54.000 My dog got killed by a mountain lion in Colorado.

00:13:56.000 When are we going hunting?

00:13:57.000 When do you have time?

00:13:58.000 We're going to figure it out right after my book.

00:14:00.000 I'm supposed to be done with my book by October 15th.

00:14:02.000 Because November would be a good time to hunt.

00:14:04.000 It'll be cooler.

00:14:05.000 And we can hunt deer, right?

00:14:07.000 We can hunt deer, pig.

00:14:09.000 Dude, I like the way deer taste.

00:14:10.000 I want to do it because I've been a meat eater my entire life and I've taken no responsibility for my desire to consume meat.

00:14:17.000 I have not felt any remorse whatsoever.

00:14:20.000 You know, from pulling a trigger and seeing an animal die.

00:14:22.000 I haven't made a connection, a real connection between what you're doing when you're eating meat.

00:14:25.000 And I think, as a person who thinks, I think that's actually probably important to try out.

00:14:30.000 I think it's very important.

00:14:31.000 You know, hunting gathering was our past.

00:14:34.000 Yeah.

00:14:34.000 You know, with some men especially, hunting gathering.

00:14:37.000 And, like, the further we get away from that...

00:14:40.000 That vibe of hunting and gathering and providing and testing ourselves like that, I think the more out of touch we're becoming with who we are.

00:14:48.000 Do you know why I think that is?

00:14:50.000 I think the world and technology have evolved faster than people, and I think there's certain reward systems that are set up in the human mind to ensure that we're going to continue to do certain things, like that we're going to continue to want to fuck, that we're going to continue to want to hunt.

00:15:05.000 You get a response from hunting.

00:15:07.000 I know I do from fishing.

00:15:08.000 I've never been hunting, but I've been fishing.

00:15:10.000 And there's some primal thing about pulling a big fish out of the water.

00:15:14.000 Knowing that you're going to eat this thing, you just went out into the wild, another world, floating around on a fucking ocean, and you pulled something out of that world, and now you're going to eat it.

00:15:24.000 That's going to give you life and your family.

00:15:26.000 There's energy that's attached to that.

00:15:29.000 You feel good about it.

00:15:30.000 Well, you know, the truth is if hunting-gathering societies had succeeded, they haven't succeeded because they were replaced by mass farm production societies.

00:15:38.000 Well, surplus.

00:15:39.000 Surplus changed everything.

00:15:40.000 What changed everything was the ability to stay in one place.

00:15:43.000 People have like this sort of a nomadic genetic connection.

00:15:46.000 There's a guy who lives in Alaska.

00:15:49.000 And they chronicled him on...

00:15:50.000 You ever see VBS.TV? You ever go to that website?

00:15:53.000 No.

00:15:53.000 Fucking phenomenal website.

00:15:55.000 There's a series called The Vice Squad, or The Vice Guide, and they do all kinds of weird shit.

00:16:02.000 Like they go to Africa, and they go all over the world, North Korea.

00:16:06.000 But one of the really coolest ones, they went to this guy who lives by himself and his wife in a cabin...

00:16:13.000 Out in the middle of nowhere in Alaska.

00:16:16.000 He lives around bears.

00:16:18.000 All he does all day is hunt and bring food back.

00:16:22.000 Catch fish and smoke them for the winter.

00:16:24.000 I don't know what he does for vegetables.

00:16:26.000 It's frozen up there.

00:16:27.000 He's eating fucking pine cones.

00:16:29.000 I don't know what he's eating.

00:16:30.000 I know he gets some supplies dropped to him.

00:16:33.000 He never saw 9-11.

00:16:35.000 He hasn't even seen a photo of it.

00:16:38.000 Off the grid.

00:16:38.000 There's guys off the grid.

00:16:40.000 He's totally off the grid.

00:16:40.000 There's guys that are doing that out there.

00:16:42.000 But he's so off the grid.

00:16:45.000 And he says he's extremely happy.

00:16:48.000 And he's very articulate.

00:16:50.000 He's not like a crazy guy.

00:16:52.000 He's a very articulate guy who's been doing this for a long time.

00:16:54.000 And he says that as man gets further away from his nature, like this hunter-gatherer nature, you lose...

00:17:02.000 Your connection with the earth, you lose your happiness.

00:17:05.000 And he thought that that's the reason why people, you know, like so many people are depressed and so many people hate what they do.

00:17:10.000 Hunter and gathering, you're going to love that.

00:17:13.000 There's like a visceral response, like your genes get it.

00:17:17.000 Yeah, yeah, and it clears your mind.

00:17:18.000 I mean, when you're out trying to provide food for yourself, your family, your friends, and if that's really all you're focused on, then it's all this other stuff and it doesn't sort of add up anymore.

00:17:28.000 You know, it doesn't count, it doesn't really matter.

00:17:31.000 And so hunting and gathering, I mean, it's really where we came from, but we're a dying breed, hunting and gathering people.

00:17:37.000 So do you think that that's one of the reasons why society – I mean it really does make sense, right?

00:17:41.000 That that's one of the reasons why people in society are so depressed is that we are living a life – like technology and society has gotten so far past where our genetics are.

00:17:51.000 And our genetics still require some acts for us to feel good.

00:17:56.000 There's a set-in reward system in place for doing things like sex feels good so that you make babies, food feels good so that you keep eating and you survive.

00:18:05.000 All these reward systems are set up and if you take a few of them out without correcting the body, you're going to have these holes.

00:18:13.000 You're going to have these problems.

00:18:14.000 Yeah, these voids are there and they're filled with other things that are probably not nearly as healthy or good.

00:18:22.000 Isn't that a fascinating idea, though?

00:18:25.000 It really is like you're looking at evolution.

00:18:28.000 I mean, you're looking at it.

00:18:29.000 You can tune back into it.

00:18:31.000 If you look at the way it's set up, it's set up to make sure that we do certain things.

00:18:38.000 And if you take these certain things away...

00:18:40.000 The body gets fucked up.

00:18:44.000 There's things we're missing.

00:18:45.000 People don't have sex.

00:18:46.000 I've always said this.

00:18:47.000 It doesn't matter how religious you are.

00:18:49.000 If you're not having sex, you have sexual organs and you're not using them.

00:18:53.000 You don't want to experience any pleasure.

00:18:55.000 You don't want to exchange love with somebody.

00:18:59.000 You're going to break.

00:19:01.000 That's not good.

00:19:02.000 That's not good at all.

00:19:03.000 No, sex is good.

00:19:04.000 I think we can agree.

00:19:05.000 All the natural things.

00:19:06.000 Food is good.

00:19:08.000 There's all these reward systems that are set up.

00:19:10.000 It's really fascinating that so few of us are tuned in to the hunter-gatherer thing that you are.

00:19:16.000 Yeah, man.

00:19:18.000 Hunting is like breathing for me.

00:19:20.000 It's just part of my life.

00:19:22.000 I bow hunt, and I hunt with shotguns, I hunt with rifles, I hunt with blowguns, I hunt with spear guns.

00:19:29.000 I just hunt.

00:19:32.000 Geronimo, I think, was the great Indian warrior when he was finally caught.

00:19:36.000 And put on the reservation, they said to him, so now, Geronimo, what are you going to do now?

00:19:41.000 There's no more hunting for you.

00:19:42.000 And he goes, no, we will hunt mice because we're hunters and we have to hunt.

00:19:48.000 And that's just sort of, it's in your blood.

00:19:51.000 That's a dude that needs a hobby.

00:19:52.000 That shit's ridiculous.

00:19:54.000 You're going to go hunting mice?

00:19:55.000 How about you play chess, son?

00:19:57.000 Settle down.

00:19:59.000 We're going to go hunt mice.

00:20:00.000 What?

00:20:01.000 Leave the fucking mice alone, man.

00:20:05.000 It's not necessarily always the kill, though.

00:20:06.000 It's like the pursuit of something.

00:20:09.000 So do you feel like when you do it, when you kill something and then get to eat it, do you feel like...

00:20:13.000 Does it trigger some sort of a primitive reward system that you feel?

00:20:18.000 You feel it?

00:20:19.000 You know, funny enough, I actually don't like to eat a lot of what I kill.

00:20:24.000 What?

00:20:25.000 Which is...

00:20:26.000 Oh, that's right.

00:20:26.000 We had this conversation.

00:20:27.000 You like beef.

00:20:28.000 It's for dinner.

00:20:29.000 I like beef.

00:20:30.000 But none of my meat that I've ever killed goes to waste.

00:20:33.000 I always give, like, my, like, I don't particularly like deer or venison meat because it's so lean.

00:20:39.000 Right.

00:20:39.000 I like fat.

00:20:40.000 I like ribeye steaks that are just full of marbling.

00:20:44.000 I do, too.

00:20:45.000 So when I hunt, I mean, I do clean the meat and take care of it.

00:20:49.000 And I always donate it to somebody, a friend or family or somebody that needs it.

00:20:53.000 But it's really the pursuit and the capture of the game that I get the reward from, not the actual taking a bite of it.

00:21:03.000 Really?

00:21:04.000 You know what I mean?

00:21:05.000 See, I get that too, but I think there's something in deer meat.

00:21:09.000 I think there's something in deer and elk, and hear me out, this sounds totally crazy, but I think the things that are hard to catch are better for you.

00:21:17.000 I think that if you've got a cow that's just hanging around being a fat fuck and you walk right up to him and shoot him in the head...

00:21:22.000 I don't see how that's good for you.

00:21:24.000 I mean, it is good.

00:21:25.000 It tastes delicious and everything, and I eat steak like anybody, but I think it's better to eat deer because they're hard to catch.

00:21:30.000 Yeah, but wouldn't fleas be really, you know, wouldn't you want to kill fleas all day, though, for the same reasoning?

00:21:36.000 Oh, my God.

00:21:37.000 No, because you're not eating them.

00:21:38.000 They're not animals that are prey, you psycho.

00:21:42.000 They're hard to catch.

00:21:44.000 Brian, what are you saying?

00:21:46.000 They're not hard.

00:21:46.000 You could squash them right under your fingers.

00:21:48.000 Have you ever tried to catch a flea?

00:21:49.000 It's hard.

00:21:49.000 I don't think I've ever seen a friend.

00:21:50.000 Brian, there's a thing called free spray.

00:21:53.000 Flea spray.

00:21:54.000 I can't even say it.

00:21:55.000 You could fucking kill billions of them with a stroke of a hand.

00:21:57.000 When you're ready to go hunting, let me know.

00:21:59.000 Yeah, where are we going to go?

00:22:00.000 I definitely want to go hunting for deer.

00:22:02.000 We'll do another podcast when we get back.

00:22:03.000 When I lived in Colorado, deer were...

00:22:05.000 Everywhere.

00:22:06.000 It was crazy.

00:22:08.000 And all these fucking liberals and hippies in Boulder, nobody's shooting any of these deer, so they're so relaxed.

00:22:13.000 They're just standing there, big fucking 10-point bucks, just standing on the side of the road looking at you.

00:22:18.000 And I stop the car, and I'm like, really?

00:22:20.000 I roll down the window, and I'm talking to the deer.

00:22:22.000 I go, really?

00:22:24.000 Really?

00:22:24.000 He wasn't scared of me at all, just looking at me like, what, bitch?

00:22:27.000 That's awesome.

00:22:28.000 What?

00:22:28.000 They're fucking huge, man.

00:22:30.000 And they have elk.

00:22:31.000 When we went, we looked at some property in Evergreen, because I was convinced that that was my move.

00:22:35.000 I needed to move to the mountains.

00:22:38.000 I'm trying to get you to move to friggin' Topanga.

00:22:40.000 Well, let's not talk about that on the internet, or fuckin' psycho stalkers are listening.

00:22:46.000 To pay good Wisconsin?

00:22:48.000 Yeah.

00:22:48.000 What?

00:22:49.000 Anyway, Evergreen.

00:22:51.000 Oh, when we were looking at property in Evergreen, there's a fucking herd of elk that wandered.

00:22:56.000 They had photos.

00:22:57.000 They wandered down this certain path.

00:22:59.000 They walked through the fucking main street in town every year.

00:23:02.000 And there's like hundreds of them and they're fucking huge.

00:23:06.000 Like how badass is that?

00:23:08.000 Like you're standing there and as you're standing there, a herd of elk just walk through the fucking town.

00:23:13.000 It's totally not natural, though.

00:23:15.000 I mean, really.

00:23:15.000 I mean, where I hunt elk and deer and stuff, man, they're just wild.

00:23:19.000 It's not natural for them to walk through the town?

00:23:21.000 It's not natural for them to not have a fear of man.

00:23:23.000 Oh, yeah.

00:23:23.000 Of course it's not natural.

00:23:24.000 It's not natural.

00:23:25.000 Yeah, well, the problem is, somehow or another, this town was built on a path that they always take.

00:23:29.000 The migration thing.

00:23:31.000 Yeah.

00:23:31.000 So I don't know.

00:23:32.000 I guess maybe there's also more fear of mountain lions than there are of people.

00:23:36.000 So they figure, look, at least we're around these crazy assholes.

00:23:39.000 One of us is getting shot.

00:23:41.000 We're not all going to get picked apart by a fucking flock of mountain lions.

00:23:44.000 Is that what mountain lions?

00:23:45.000 Pax.

00:23:46.000 No.

00:23:46.000 They travel solo anyway.

00:23:48.000 No packs.

00:23:49.000 Maybe they'd be like a spider.

00:23:51.000 There's a spider they found on the Amazon.

00:23:53.000 You ever seen that?

00:23:54.000 There's a spider they found on the Amazon that attacks in packs.

00:23:57.000 It's the only spider in the world.

00:23:59.000 They attack thousands of them at once.

00:24:01.000 So they make these gigantic nests.

00:24:04.000 Huge spider webs where like a deer could get stuck.

00:24:08.000 Really?

00:24:08.000 Yeah, and they kill much larger things.

00:24:10.000 They kill rats and all kinds of crazy shit.

00:24:11.000 That's cool.

00:24:12.000 It's the Amazon.

00:24:13.000 Dude, the Amazon is...

00:24:14.000 There's a BBC documentary about the Amazon, a two-part series that I watched once.

00:24:18.000 I still have it on VHS. I can't find it on DVD like they don't have it.

00:24:21.000 It's fucking phenomenal.

00:24:24.000 They go into the Amazon, yeah, and that's where they show these spiders.

00:24:28.000 There's shit that's evolving in the Amazon right now.

00:24:31.000 What the Amazon was, is it used to be like fields, and then it became a rainforest overnight.

00:24:35.000 Not overnight, but really quickly.

00:24:37.000 So a lot of animals got stuck inside this rainforest, and they evolved.

00:24:42.000 There's an antelope that swims.

00:24:44.000 It's got little short legs, and it swims up to 100 yards underwater, and it eats fish.

00:24:49.000 And it's a fucking antelope.

00:24:50.000 That's crazy.

00:24:51.000 That's crazy.

00:24:51.000 Why did it do that?

00:24:52.000 Because it gets stuck there in the water and they had to figure out another way to eat.

00:24:55.000 Oh, yeah.

00:24:55.000 There's a fish that fucking climbs out of the water, walks till it finds the next pond and jumps in.

00:25:02.000 That's pretty sick.

00:25:03.000 Dude!

00:25:04.000 Life, man.

00:25:04.000 There's so much crazy shit there.

00:25:06.000 It's all these animals that are adapting to this, you know, just fucked up change in the environment.

00:25:11.000 It's badass.

00:25:12.000 It's so awesome.

00:25:13.000 But the spider, anyway.

00:25:15.000 They found one spider.

00:25:16.000 They never thought spiders did this before, but they found this one spider that acts as a pack.

00:25:21.000 That's sick.

00:25:22.000 Like killer bees, but killer spiders.

00:25:23.000 So there's these fucking enormous spider webs.

00:25:25.000 And these little fucking mice get stuck in them and shit.

00:25:29.000 And they just swarm on them.

00:25:30.000 Thousands of spiders.

00:25:32.000 And you're like, fuck!

00:25:33.000 And you just think, what if that was me?

00:25:34.000 What if it's in the middle of the night and I'm going to take a piss?

00:25:36.000 And I still...

00:25:37.000 What is this?

00:25:37.000 Oh, fuck!

00:25:39.000 Sounds like hallucinations.

00:25:40.000 A fucking million spiders jacking you.

00:25:42.000 Did you see that photo I posted the other day on Twitter of that spider in my backyard?

00:25:46.000 I went back.

00:25:47.000 What was that?

00:25:47.000 Did you identify it?

00:25:49.000 It looked like the predator's face.

00:25:51.000 That's what it looked like.

00:25:52.000 Where's the picture?

00:25:52.000 It's on my Twitter, yeah.

00:25:54.000 Twitter.com slash redband.

00:25:55.000 You can find it.

00:25:56.000 How many days ago?

00:25:57.000 Probably like a week ago.

00:25:59.000 A week ago?

00:26:00.000 I'll retweet it.

00:26:01.000 Good luck.

00:26:01.000 You don't have to retweet it.

00:26:02.000 I'll retweet it tonight.

00:26:02.000 You're asking too much, son.

00:26:04.000 You're asking for research.

00:26:05.000 I'll retweet it tonight.

00:26:06.000 Spiders scare the fuck out of me, man.

00:26:08.000 I found five scorpions in my living room once.

00:26:10.000 Five.

00:26:11.000 Scorpions?

00:26:12.000 Yeah, there was like a nest.

00:26:13.000 Yeah, they have scorpions out here, man.

00:26:14.000 Really?

00:26:15.000 Yes, I've seen them many, many, many, many times.

00:26:17.000 And the little ones, they're very dangerous.

00:26:18.000 They'll fuck you up, man.

00:26:20.000 Tarantulas, right?

00:26:21.000 Rattlesnakes?

00:26:22.000 Tarantulas all the time.

00:26:23.000 Rattlesnakes all the time.

00:26:24.000 We have rattlesnake fencing.

00:26:25.000 My two pit bulls, both of them had gotten bitten by rattlesnakes when I had them.

00:26:30.000 These fucking rattlesnakes are...

00:26:32.000 Dangerous, man.

00:26:32.000 They're all over the place.

00:26:33.000 Yeah, when I lived in Kalbassas, I always found snakes all around the ground just like eaten by other animals like coyotes.

00:26:39.000 If you fuck up and step on one accidentally, you got to be real careful when you're hiking.

00:26:42.000 We went running.

00:26:43.000 I went running with the dogs and we run.

00:26:45.000 There's this hill that we run, this dirt road.

00:26:47.000 And when we were running down the hill, I was like, oh, here we are running over this log.

00:26:53.000 And as I'm running over the log, it's a fucking giant rattlesnake!

00:26:58.000 I realized as my feet were running over it, I was like, oh my god!

00:27:03.000 Dude, there's a rattlesnake as fat as my arm.

00:27:05.000 It was giant.

00:27:06.000 The biggest rattlesnake I've ever seen.

00:27:08.000 I was like, holy fuck!

00:27:10.000 I mean, it was fat, dude.

00:27:12.000 It was fat.

00:27:12.000 It was like a bitch!

00:27:14.000 It was like, if that thing got you, it'd be like, fuck!

00:27:16.000 Feel the hot lava, the fucking venom going into your bloodstream immediately.

00:27:20.000 Do you know that cult out in Virginia that actually holds snakes?

00:27:25.000 And that's part of their religion.

00:27:27.000 If they don't get bit by the rattlesnake, then that means they're like pure and stuff.

00:27:31.000 And so there's this preacher guy who's in prison right now because he wanted to kill his wife.

00:27:36.000 So he stuffed her mailbox full of rattlesnakes.

00:27:40.000 And she opened it up and put her hand in and got bit.

00:27:42.000 And he went to jail for attempted murder.

00:27:45.000 Oh!

00:27:46.000 God damn.

00:27:47.000 That's some fire and brimstone type shit.

00:27:49.000 That's the only type of shit that a preacher would think of.

00:27:51.000 Huckleberry Finn shit.

00:27:52.000 Yeah, but it puts some fucking evil snakes.

00:27:55.000 It is like Huckleberry Finn.

00:27:56.000 Like some Tom Sawyer shit.

00:27:58.000 ride.

00:27:59.000 And he killed her by putting a moon full of rattlesnakes.

00:28:02.000 She reached in to get the mail and they snatched the hold of her and sucked the life out.

00:28:06.000 Angela and Lansbury somehow involved with this whole thing.

00:28:10.000 There's something primal about doing that.

00:28:11.000 Getting some evil animal to do your dirty work.

00:28:14.000 Setting somebody up.

00:28:15.000 That's like way cooler than just shooting somebody.

00:28:19.000 You set somebody up with a fucking rattlesnake.

00:28:22.000 Jackson.

00:28:23.000 When people...

00:28:24.000 It's always a fucking husband and his wife, man.

00:28:27.000 Goddamn.

00:28:27.000 I would like to know about the percentage of people that kill themselves or kill each other, rather.

00:28:31.000 What percentage are husband and wife?

00:28:36.000 You mean...

00:28:37.000 So it's like that, where the husband kills the wife or the wife kills the husband.

00:28:41.000 Is it more that, like...

00:28:42.000 What is the percentage as far as, like, people getting killed?

00:28:45.000 Like, how many of them are husband and wife?

00:28:46.000 How many of them are just...

00:28:47.000 Here's the guy that works at the post office that always fucking pissed me off, so I shot him.

00:28:50.000 And how many of his husband and wives?

00:28:52.000 Hmm.

00:28:53.000 I don't think it would be as much as you'd think.

00:28:57.000 I think domestic violence would be huge.

00:28:58.000 But I don't think it goes all the way.

00:28:59.000 I think we've all seen couples that are just fucking violent to each other.

00:29:04.000 Right?

00:29:05.000 Yeah.

00:29:06.000 That's scary shit, dude.

00:29:08.000 That must be so scary for a cop.

00:29:10.000 They always say that those are the most dangerous calls to take, domestic violence cases.

00:29:14.000 It doesn't seem so like if you watch the show Cops, it doesn't seem like it's that big of a deal.

00:29:18.000 I had a brother-in-law that was abused by his ex.

00:29:21.000 Really?

00:29:22.000 I can't go into details, but she came out with a knife.

00:29:25.000 She came out with a knife a few times.

00:29:27.000 He wasn't fucking her correctly.

00:29:28.000 Let me tell you something, no chick I'm fucking is ever coming at me with a knife.

00:29:32.000 You gotta keep him in check.

00:29:33.000 That would suck.

00:29:34.000 You gotta have control.

00:29:35.000 Do you not get involved in any sort of relationship?

00:29:38.000 Where you're not the man.

00:29:40.000 If you're actually a man, don't get involved in a relationship where you're not the man.

00:29:43.000 If you feel like, well, somehow, with her, I don't feel like I'm the man, and just, I don't know what to do.

00:29:48.000 Get out!

00:29:49.000 Your soul's getting stolen from you in the night while you sleep.

00:29:52.000 You don't realize you're with a demon.

00:29:53.000 Not everybody's alpha like you.

00:29:54.000 It's not even an alpha, but it's not bad.

00:29:57.000 Yeah, it is.

00:29:58.000 It's not.

00:29:59.000 Then whatever the role is, make sure it's a harmonious one.

00:30:03.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:30:03.000 Don't let someone all of a sudden be like the dominant one and you figure you're not dominant anymore.

00:30:08.000 Like men who get in situations like that where their wife gets to yell at them and the husband's always going, okay, okay, okay, okay.

00:30:14.000 Dude, that's just the nature of some of these dudes.

00:30:16.000 That's not healthy.

00:30:19.000 There's a girl out there somewhere that's probably nice.

00:30:23.000 And if they found that girl instead of the one they're with, they found some chick who just likes to look at the positive side of things and she likes going to cool movies and eating in fun places and she doesn't require a lot.

00:30:33.000 That goes out there!

00:30:34.000 You don't have to listen to this fucking cunt.

00:30:36.000 Yeah, but she's probably dead inside for those very good qualities.

00:30:39.000 That's why she's giving up on life.

00:30:41.000 She's not giving up on life.

00:30:43.000 She's enjoying things.

00:30:44.000 Is that what it is when a chick isn't crazy?

00:30:46.000 She's giving up on life?

00:30:47.000 Probably.

00:30:47.000 Maybe she's just...

00:30:48.000 Interesting.

00:30:50.000 Sit down on the couch, Brian.

00:30:51.000 She's just like, I'm dead.

00:30:53.000 That's interesting.

00:30:54.000 So you think that any chick that's happy...

00:30:56.000 No, I don't really.

00:30:57.000 I just didn't really think this out, Joe.

00:31:00.000 I'm just throwing something on the table there.

00:31:02.000 I thought you were committed to this, man.

00:31:04.000 No, no.

00:31:04.000 Are you sure you're not committed to this argument?

00:31:07.000 Rick doesn't even know what we're talking about right now.

00:31:09.000 Yeah, that kind of went over my head down.

00:31:10.000 Staring at us.

00:31:11.000 I took Rick Schroeder to his very first UFC recently.

00:31:14.000 How was it?

00:31:15.000 It was good, but to be honest with you, I wanted to be inside where you guys were.

00:31:19.000 I was like on the outside, and I was like too far.

00:31:22.000 I was looking up, and I didn't have a great view.

00:31:25.000 Well, you guys were on the floor.

00:31:27.000 Floor seats are not my favorite, dude.

00:31:28.000 My favorite is one or two up.

00:31:30.000 Yeah.

00:31:30.000 I think you're right.

00:31:32.000 I think the first riser is the best spot.

00:31:35.000 Because you're still close enough to see the action, but you're not looking up.

00:31:40.000 Sometimes it sucks when they go to the ground on the other side of the cage.

00:31:44.000 Like in TV and HD, because I buy it all the time on pay-per-view, I get the close-ups.

00:31:49.000 I hear the sounds more.

00:31:51.000 I was more in the fight.

00:31:52.000 Commentary.

00:31:54.000 I didn't hear any commentary.

00:31:55.000 Right.

00:31:56.000 You can get these little...

00:31:57.000 They have these little radio things, and they sell them UFC Fight Link, I believe it's called, and you listen to it, and you get to listen to the commentary.

00:32:04.000 They broadcast it on a wireless signal, like a radio station.

00:32:07.000 They should have an iPhone app for that.

00:32:08.000 They should, totally, right?

00:32:09.000 Totally.

00:32:09.000 Charlie, what the fuck, man?

00:32:11.000 Dana, get on this shit, son!

00:32:13.000 It was cool, though, man.

00:32:14.000 I'm a huge UFC fan.

00:32:16.000 Just wrote a movie about it.

00:32:18.000 So, we'll see what happens.

00:32:19.000 But, yeah, I mean...

00:32:20.000 You know, Chuck Norris talked to me once, like 15 years ago.

00:32:25.000 Dude, Chuck Norris hugged me.

00:32:26.000 It was the greatest moment of my life.

00:32:27.000 Chuck Norris was like, did he try to start some MMA league?

00:32:31.000 Well, he had a kickboxing league.

00:32:33.000 I think it was called the World Combat League.

00:32:35.000 I'm not sure.

00:32:36.000 I'm not sure if that's the right name for it.

00:32:37.000 Like 15 years ago.

00:32:38.000 I apologize if I'm wrong, because I'm a huge Chuck Norris fan.

00:32:41.000 Anyway, he tried to get me in on that way back in the beginning.

00:32:43.000 Really?

00:32:44.000 Like, let's build a team in LA. Yeah, that's exactly what he was doing.

00:32:47.000 He was doing kickboxing teams.

00:32:49.000 And they tried to do that with the IFL. The IFL is the International Fight League.

00:32:52.000 And they had some really good fighters, but they tried to do that team thing, too.

00:32:55.000 They tried to have them fight in teams.

00:32:56.000 The only team thing would be fun is if they're all at once.

00:32:59.000 Well, you know, I thought, you know, hey, look, you know, it's not the right way to go, but at least it's something different and people are talking about it.

00:33:06.000 Like, it makes for a subject of debate.

00:33:08.000 Do you like this?

00:33:08.000 Do you not like this?

00:33:09.000 You know, it makes it a little novel.

00:33:11.000 But yeah, it's not the way to do it.

00:33:13.000 Teams aren't the way to do it.

00:33:14.000 I would...

00:33:16.000 When all those things were coming around, I was like, what are you doing?

00:33:18.000 It's an individual sport.

00:33:19.000 Why try to team?

00:33:21.000 I guess what they're doing is they're just trying to get in on some unique way.

00:33:26.000 Everybody else is doing it this way, so we're going to have teams.

00:33:28.000 The Denver douchebags and the Montreal Monsters.

00:33:33.000 Let's put some folding chairs into it.

00:33:34.000 Let's really get it going.

00:33:36.000 I was just going to say it seemed very roller derby.

00:33:39.000 I was going to say that, and you went pro wrestling.

00:33:41.000 We're on the same wavelength there.

00:33:45.000 Yeah.

00:33:45.000 I don't know, man.

00:33:47.000 It's interesting.

00:33:48.000 The only way to do it is to just do it.

00:33:49.000 You just have to stop trying to dress it up.

00:33:52.000 I do like some strike force rules.

00:33:54.000 Strike forces put rules in where they don't have elbows.

00:33:57.000 I don't know.

00:33:57.000 A lot of people like elbows, but fuck elbows.

00:33:59.000 Cut people up, man.

00:34:01.000 And I know you should just protect yourself from that, and elbows can stop fights, too.

00:34:05.000 They're very dangerous weapons, but...

00:34:07.000 I kind of like Strikeforce, how they just use punches.

00:34:09.000 They don't elbow each other on the ground.

00:34:11.000 I think it might make fighters' careers longer.

00:34:15.000 I mean, people like it, though, and it's a very effective technique.

00:34:18.000 Maybe they need some sort of a pad on the elbow if that's possible.

00:34:22.000 That might not be a bad idea.

00:34:23.000 That doesn't cut.

00:34:24.000 Yeah, because it's such a short movement when you're on top of a guy and such a fucking short distance to stop and so much power you can generate.

00:34:32.000 And it's just bone on bone just smashing your fucking face.

00:34:35.000 That's a goddamn dangerous technique, man.

00:34:38.000 Make it sound like a dog toy, though.

00:34:40.000 Every time they do it, it's like...

00:34:41.000 So you feel gay doing it?

00:34:45.000 Making a squishy toy noise?

00:34:47.000 I don't think there's anything wrong with elbows.

00:34:50.000 I mean, don't get me wrong.

00:34:51.000 I wouldn't take them out.

00:34:52.000 I wouldn't take them out either.

00:34:53.000 But I look at the Strikeforce rule, and I go, maybe that's the way to go.

00:34:56.000 Sometimes I look at it and go, I like that that's around.

00:34:59.000 I like...

00:35:00.000 You know what I do like?

00:35:01.000 I like that there's a comparison.

00:35:02.000 We can look at the Strikeforce and see what happens with them with the punches on the ground.

00:35:05.000 We've already done that with Pride.

00:35:07.000 The old Pride days, they used to be able to do whatever they wanted, man.

00:35:10.000 They could soccer kick dudes while their heads were on the ground and stomp on them.

00:35:15.000 I don't think they allowed headbutts and I don't think they allowed groin kicks.

00:35:19.000 I don't think they allowed fish hooking or any of this stuff that's always illegal.

00:35:22.000 They didn't allow it, but they added the stomps and the soccer kicks and the knees to the head to a downed opponent, which is all really fucking violent, dangerous shit.

00:35:31.000 When you see a guy get soccer kicked in the head, that's when you know you're like, whoa, shit, this is not fucking playing around.

00:35:39.000 This is a real fight.

00:35:40.000 That guy just soccer kicked that guy in the face when he's downed.

00:35:43.000 It's not the best thing to have in MMA, but it adds this crazy element to it.

00:35:48.000 You know, when a guy goes down, the other guy's trying to stomp him, like literally, like, whoa!

00:35:53.000 Vanderlei Silva knocked out, I think it was Timura, no, it wasn't Timura.

00:35:56.000 Damn, I forget who it was.

00:35:57.000 Yuki Kondo, yes, I believe it was.

00:35:59.000 He knocked him out, and then he started stomping his fucking head while he was down.

00:36:04.000 But didn't early UFCs have biting and stuff?

00:36:07.000 Maybe it wasn't Ichi Kondo.

00:36:08.000 I should find out exactly who it was.

00:36:10.000 If Vanderlei did that before I said it.

00:36:11.000 But whoever it was, he was holding onto the ropes with one hand and then kicking the guy in the face, stomping on his head while he was down.

00:36:17.000 It was so violent.

00:36:19.000 I was like, fuck!

00:36:20.000 Fuck!

00:36:21.000 Like, that took it to another level.

00:36:22.000 Yeah, that's the ref's fault, though.

00:36:23.000 No, no, no.

00:36:24.000 It's legal.

00:36:25.000 It's legal.

00:36:25.000 In Japan, it's legal.

00:36:27.000 In Japan, in pride, it was legal.

00:36:29.000 I think you can still do it.

00:36:31.000 I know you can definitely still kick or knee a downed opponent.

00:36:34.000 I think you can soccer kick him still, too.

00:36:36.000 And you can stomp him still, too.

00:36:37.000 I think.

00:36:38.000 I think Dream, the way they do it...

00:36:39.000 I mean, there's different organizations.

00:36:41.000 Like, one of the things that the UFC's always been pushing for is a unified system of rules.

00:36:44.000 So the rules we use, everybody uses.

00:36:47.000 So that we all practice...

00:36:48.000 You know, the same sport.

00:36:50.000 That makes complete sense.

00:36:50.000 Totally complete sense.

00:36:51.000 It's totally the right way to go.

00:36:53.000 But Japan doesn't give a fuck.

00:36:55.000 They're still wailing.

00:36:56.000 We don't like five minute rounds.

00:36:57.000 We want to wail.

00:36:58.000 We're wailing.

00:36:58.000 Ten minute rounds.

00:36:59.000 Ten minute rounds.

00:37:00.000 And they have crazy shit where they'll come and they'll take your money away if they don't think you're fighting hard enough.

00:37:04.000 Really?

00:37:04.000 Yeah, dude.

00:37:05.000 They get crazy laws over there.

00:37:07.000 And sometimes, man, dudes are just taking a fucking breather like it's a war.

00:37:12.000 Or they neutralize each other.

00:37:14.000 Nobody can get anything done.

00:37:15.000 And they go, stop, stop!

00:37:17.000 And they pull out a yellow card.

00:37:18.000 And what a yellow card is, is they take 10% of your fucking purse.

00:37:22.000 So if you're getting paid $100,000, you just lost $10,000 because some fucking douchebag referee decided you needed a yellow card because you're not fighting hard enough.

00:37:30.000 At least it's just that.

00:37:31.000 In Japan, a yellow card can mean a lot of things.

00:37:34.000 Pee!

00:37:35.000 Get the eels!

00:37:36.000 And the women!

00:37:37.000 They cut your finger off.

00:37:38.000 That could mean...

00:37:39.000 A pee card.

00:37:40.000 That's the craziest thing ever.

00:37:41.000 The Yakuza, where they chop fingers off.

00:37:44.000 What?

00:37:44.000 You fuck up, you do something wrong, you have to cut your own finger off.

00:37:48.000 That's your punishment?

00:37:50.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:37:51.000 That's one of the punishments.

00:37:52.000 Did you hear about the Saudis trying to paralyze some guy?

00:37:54.000 Yeah.

00:37:54.000 Did they go through with it?

00:37:55.000 No, I don't know if they've gone through with it.

00:37:57.000 I know they're inquiring on whether or not it could be done.

00:37:59.000 One hospital said they wouldn't be done.

00:38:00.000 If you don't know the story, this guy hit a guy with a shovel.

00:38:04.000 Is that what he hit him with?

00:38:05.000 I don't know any details.

00:38:05.000 He assaulted this guy in some way and paralyzed him.

00:38:09.000 And under Islamic law, eye for an eye, they literally want to impose the exact same injury to this guy and do it in a hospital.

00:38:18.000 One hospital was like, you can't paralyze somebody.

00:38:21.000 We can't just do that.

00:38:21.000 And another hospital said it was possible, but they did not have the conditions available.

00:38:25.000 They would have to go to a much larger hospital.

00:38:27.000 So they probably went to some fucking goat and donkey infested hospital with chickens running through the fucking lobby.

00:38:33.000 And they're like, would you be willing to paralyze someone?

00:38:37.000 And they're like, well...

00:38:38.000 Maybe.

00:38:38.000 We couldn't do it here, though.

00:38:39.000 Dude, there's a guy in South Central that'll do it for $100.

00:38:41.000 Right.

00:38:42.000 Do you guys agree with that, though?

00:38:43.000 Eye for an eye?

00:38:44.000 Judgment?

00:38:45.000 Man, you know what?

00:38:46.000 I think there's just a certain amount of cruelty to that that's not necessary.

00:38:49.000 I think if you want to show people that it's wrong, kill the guy.

00:38:54.000 That's what I think.

00:38:54.000 I think death penalty's a good thing.

00:38:56.000 But, you know, you have to know the circumstances.

00:38:58.000 Who knows?

00:38:58.000 Maybe the other guy's a dickhead.

00:38:59.000 Maybe the other guy threw a rock first, and then he hit him with a shovel and paralyzed him.

00:39:03.000 Yeah, we don't have enough information.

00:39:04.000 Yeah, maybe that guy was fucking tormenting him.

00:39:06.000 He wouldn't leave his kids alone.

00:39:08.000 He was an asshole and kicked his dog.

00:39:09.000 He was building up over 10 fucking years.

00:39:11.000 And finally, homeboy had enough.

00:39:13.000 And he just did what he's supposed to have done a long time ago.

00:39:15.000 Cracked that motherfucker over the head with a shovel.

00:39:17.000 But unfortunately, his little faggot ass has to go and get paralyzed.

00:39:21.000 And now my man's in the pokey and they're talking about paralyzing him too.

00:39:25.000 Meanwhile, all he was doing was just trying to hold his ground.

00:39:28.000 Just trying to get behind this world.

00:39:29.000 You know?

00:39:30.000 Just trying to...

00:39:31.000 They should have the three-strike rule.

00:39:32.000 Like, the first time you do something really, really bad, they take away your hearing.

00:39:36.000 Then the second time, they take away your eyesight.

00:39:38.000 Third time, they chop off your tongue.

00:39:39.000 Dude, you might have just invented that, and there's people in Iran right now.

00:39:43.000 Write that down!

00:39:45.000 Write it down!

00:39:46.000 Before the idea escapes us into the ether!

00:39:49.000 Get that dot com!

00:39:50.000 Yeah.

00:39:51.000 Get that dot com!

00:39:53.000 I'm telling you that network solutions!

00:39:56.000 It's hilarious.

00:39:57.000 Code that is cheaper.

00:39:58.000 Code that is cheaper.

00:39:59.000 Coupon code.

00:40:00.000 I have a code.

00:40:00.000 I count there.

00:40:01.000 Retail me not.

00:40:02.000 Dude, I don't know what accent we were there at the end.

00:40:04.000 We went Japanese.

00:40:05.000 We started off Iranian.

00:40:07.000 We have the worst fake Iranian accent ever.

00:40:10.000 I'm an insult to any impersonator out there.

00:40:12.000 Put a fat wallet.

00:40:15.000 Okay, Joe, what can I tell you, man?

00:40:17.000 What do you want to know about back in the day?

00:40:19.000 Dude, I want to know everything.

00:40:20.000 You know, I've been friends with Rick for, well, a few years.

00:40:24.000 About four or five years.

00:40:24.000 We've gotten more friendly lately since he got back from Spain.

00:40:28.000 Yeah, and since you've had kids, too.

00:40:30.000 Our wives, our buddies, yeah.

00:40:31.000 Joe's really changed since he's had kids.

00:40:32.000 Yeah, I became a pussy.

00:40:34.000 Settled in like all the other pussies out there in the world.

00:40:38.000 No, for sure.

00:40:39.000 I don't think you can understand what it's like to have children until you have children.

00:40:43.000 And Louis C.K. said something once about kids that I thought was really interesting.

00:40:46.000 He said, just let it change you.

00:40:48.000 And I had already kind of let it change me before I heard that, but I was like, wow, that's like the best way to describe it.

00:40:54.000 Let it change you.

00:40:56.000 And when you have kids, that really is what happens.

00:40:59.000 First of all, immediately what I started doing is looking at people as babies.

00:41:05.000 I looked at everybody.

00:41:06.000 I used to just see a guy who's 30, and I was like, oh, here's a guy.

00:41:10.000 Hey, buddy.

00:41:10.000 What's up?

00:41:11.000 Nothing.

00:41:11.000 Normal.

00:41:12.000 But now you feel like the inner child.

00:41:13.000 Yeah, but now I see the inner child.

00:41:15.000 I see how he developed to be that guy.

00:41:17.000 You have much more compassion for people.

00:41:19.000 Yeah, that's cool.

00:41:20.000 I try to keep as much compassion as possible while still avoiding douchebags.

00:41:26.000 That's my ethic.

00:41:27.000 There's a certain point in time where sometimes you have to go, dude, shut the fuck up.

00:41:31.000 Please leave me alone.

00:41:32.000 I know you were a baby once.

00:41:34.000 No, one point in time, you're an innocent little child, and somebody fucked your programming up.

00:41:39.000 I understand this.

00:41:40.000 You've got to let me go.

00:41:41.000 I've got shit I've got to do.

00:41:43.000 That's right.

00:41:43.000 I get it.

00:41:44.000 But yeah, you have changed a ton.

00:41:46.000 I think everybody does.

00:41:47.000 If you don't change when you have kids, you're a fool.

00:41:49.000 You'd be crazy to.

00:41:51.000 The worst thing in the world that you could ever feel is that you didn't do your best when you were raising a kid.

00:41:56.000 That's got to be the worst thing.

00:41:57.000 Because I think your childhood was fucking completely bizarre.

00:42:01.000 I mean, my childhood was bizarre on paper, but it wasn't bizarre in front of the whole world, you know?

00:42:08.000 And you became a fucking superstar when you were a little kid.

00:42:12.000 You're 40 now, right?

00:42:13.000 Right, just turned 40. Okay, I'm 43, so when I saw The Champ, I think I was 7. What were you, like 4?

00:42:19.000 No, no, I was 7, so you were 10 in The Champ.

00:42:22.000 Really?

00:42:23.000 Yeah.

00:42:23.000 Okay, my time is off.

00:42:25.000 But you're close.

00:42:26.000 But either way, whatever I was, 7 or 10, I was fucking crying like a baby.

00:42:31.000 And you were even younger than me then.

00:42:33.000 So when I was a little kid, when I was going through life trying to figure out what my parents were breaking up, trying to figure out, fuck, what is life all about?

00:42:42.000 You were fucking fucking...

00:42:44.000 Famous in front of the whole world like I couldn't imagine that point in my life being famous that must have been So strange to develop in that but you're so normal well here's the thing that I think interesting about like growing up famous because I Became famous when I was like seven so I don't have any memory of life before fame Wow so when that happens and you're forming and you're getting programmed and you're getting created as a child right and That's what becomes normal for you.

00:43:14.000 And so, I don't have any frame of reference.

00:43:17.000 Like, I wasn't 30, and all of a sudden, bam, became famous, and I had 30 years of history of normal life.

00:43:23.000 So, fame is normal for me.

00:43:26.000 So, because it's normal, that means kind of it's not special, because what's normal is normal, right?

00:43:34.000 So, that's kind of, I think, a different, unique thing about being a child actor like I was, and I saw Drew Barrymore last night.

00:43:40.000 I've never heard anybody put it that way before.

00:43:42.000 I went to her premiere last night and she's kind of done the same thing in her new movie and gave her a big hug and kiss.

00:43:48.000 I haven't seen her in 20 years.

00:43:49.000 Did you grab her ass?

00:43:50.000 No.

00:43:51.000 Cheat girl though.

00:43:52.000 Really sweet.

00:43:53.000 Give her a hug and a kiss though, huh?

00:43:53.000 Give her a hug and a kiss.

00:43:54.000 Nice.

00:43:54.000 I've known her since I'm 12. Felt good, huh?

00:43:55.000 Since I'm 12. Come on.

00:43:57.000 Felt good?

00:43:57.000 She was 8. That's Drew Barrymore.

00:43:59.000 Let me tell you something.

00:44:00.000 Tom Green got that?

00:44:01.000 You can get that too, kid.

00:44:03.000 Yeah, she picks the weirdest guys.

00:44:05.000 Tom Green's great.

00:44:06.000 I love Tom Green.

00:44:07.000 Did we do his show?

00:44:08.000 No, I didn't.

00:44:09.000 He does a show like this.

00:44:10.000 Is he Canadian?

00:44:10.000 Far more sophisticated.

00:44:11.000 Yes, he's Canadian, but you can trust him.

00:44:13.000 He's Canadian.

00:44:14.000 You can trust him.

00:44:15.000 He's one of the good ones.

00:44:16.000 Did you see the show where he took animals into his parents' house and had a zoo?

00:44:20.000 He like fucked a moose on the side of the road.

00:44:21.000 He's a savage.

00:44:22.000 Yeah, he's...

00:44:23.000 He's fucking awesome.

00:44:24.000 I love that dude.

00:44:25.000 He's a really cool guy, too.

00:44:26.000 He's got a show that he's been doing out of his house.

00:44:29.000 He turned his living room into a studio where he broadcasts a live talk show from his living room.

00:44:34.000 Oh, that's cool.

00:44:35.000 And it's super popular.

00:44:36.000 It's really good.

00:44:37.000 It's interesting.

00:44:37.000 You get to see him changing and trying different things.

00:44:41.000 When I got to him, he was Into the Secret.

00:44:44.000 Yeah, that book thing.

00:44:45.000 He was like...

00:44:46.000 He had a copy of it right there.

00:44:48.000 I mean, I don't even know if he was telling the truth.

00:44:49.000 I believe he was, but it seemed like it was trolling.

00:44:52.000 He was just fucking around, pretending to be into the secret thing.

00:44:57.000 So Drew's went through the same thing.

00:44:58.000 There's been a few of us that have gone through that.

00:45:00.000 Like, not many.

00:45:02.000 Very, very few.

00:45:03.000 You could count on a hand.

00:45:04.000 Yeah, the percentage of people who go through that and get Lindsay Lohan, it's like 95, right?

00:45:10.000 Yeah, man.

00:45:10.000 More, more than 95. It's gotta be.

00:45:12.000 What do you think was the difference with you?

00:45:15.000 What's the difference?

00:45:16.000 I quit the partying thing when I was young, and I didn't continue it like I think some people do.

00:45:24.000 I had my few wild years between 16 and 20. I always kept my stuff quiet and I kept it under the radar and wasn't really public about it.

00:45:37.000 That was because there was no TMZ back then.

00:45:39.000 Yeah, there was no internet.

00:45:40.000 There was no TMZ. No internet, son.

00:45:43.000 You had to keep it on the DL. Ricky Schroeder's here making it rain.

00:45:47.000 When I was 20, I met Andrea and that just kind of changed my life because I was a dad at 22. Oh, so that's a big part of it, too.

00:45:54.000 Responsibility very early on.

00:45:56.000 Now, did you used to hang out with all those people back in the day, like Gary Coleman and all those guys?

00:46:00.000 Were you hanging with Punky Brewster and stuff?

00:46:03.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:46:03.000 I knew everybody there.

00:46:04.000 I mean, the Different Strokes kids were filming next door.

00:46:07.000 The Facts of Life girls were across the other studio stage.

00:46:11.000 Did you guys bang each other?

00:46:12.000 Who's the Boss kids?

00:46:13.000 Did you guys bang each other?

00:46:14.000 You must have, right?

00:46:15.000 For sure.

00:46:16.000 Yeah, it's small wonder.

00:46:17.000 It's a lot of twirling small wonder on Punky Brewster.

00:46:20.000 The Ustream crowd knows what's up.

00:46:23.000 So yeah, there was some drama going on on set.

00:46:25.000 I told you a little bit about the Todd Bridges thing.

00:46:28.000 Yeah, Todd Bridges.

00:46:30.000 We had Todd Bridges on Fear Factor, and he had a chip on his shoulder.

00:46:33.000 I mean, he wasn't a bad guy, but he had this thought that...

00:46:38.000 Everybody was out to fuck him.

00:46:39.000 We were fucking him over.

00:46:41.000 We didn't want him to win.

00:46:42.000 Oh, I see what's up.

00:46:43.000 You don't want me to win.

00:46:44.000 I was like, dude, the guy beat you.

00:46:46.000 What am I going to say?

00:46:47.000 Come on, man.

00:46:48.000 This is ridiculous.

00:46:49.000 He's got a new book out.

00:46:51.000 God bless him.

00:46:52.000 I hope he sells it and stuff.

00:46:54.000 My point is, he did not get through it the way you got through it.

00:46:58.000 No, he was chasing me around with a pistol full of urine.

00:47:01.000 Wow.

00:47:02.000 Water pistol full of urine.

00:47:03.000 He was pissing a water pistol and then just say, okay, I'm going to squirt this in your face.

00:47:10.000 The rest of us would be throwing water cups at each other and crap and he took it to the next level and just started squirting you with his urine.

00:47:17.000 You should have ran him over with your train.

00:47:19.000 Dude, he was big, and he was older, and we were all scared of Todd.

00:47:23.000 How old was he?

00:47:24.000 And we were all like 13, 14, and he's all like 18, 19. Oh my god.

00:47:29.000 He was 18 and 19?

00:47:30.000 He was pissing in little kids' faces?

00:47:32.000 Yeah.

00:47:33.000 Wow.

00:47:33.000 I thought R. Kelly was the originator of that.

00:47:35.000 He had a Porsche, right?

00:47:36.000 And so he was racing around the studio and stuff.

00:47:38.000 I remember I was 16, and I had just gotten my 944 Turbo.

00:47:42.000 And he's like, let me take it for a drive.

00:47:43.000 And I'm like, uh, okay.

00:47:45.000 So I gave him the car keys.

00:47:47.000 And he's like, this thing needs broken in right.

00:47:50.000 Wow.

00:47:50.000 And he just abused my car.

00:47:53.000 He brought it back with, you know, bald spots on the tires.

00:47:56.000 Wow.

00:47:57.000 And you let him do that.

00:47:59.000 You had to.

00:47:59.000 Damn you, Todd Bridges!

00:48:01.000 Yeah, well, Todd Bridges...

00:48:03.000 He wasn't a bad dude, though.

00:48:04.000 He's, you know, he's just a fucking baby that got stuck into a weird situation.

00:48:08.000 Dana Plato, that's the other sad thing.

00:48:11.000 Dana Plato became a drug addict, right?

00:48:12.000 Yeah, she died in Vegas.

00:48:15.000 That's the place to die if you're gonna...

00:48:17.000 She died with other drug addicts.

00:48:19.000 Disease seagull finds its flock.

00:48:21.000 Can I play to this quote that I was talking about earlier?

00:48:23.000 Oh yeah, this is from Silver Spoons?

00:48:25.000 Is that what it's from?

00:48:26.000 I love Silver Spoons, but this is one of my favorite quotes and it's so weird to listen to right now.

00:48:30.000 Listen to this.

00:48:34.000 It's like a recording.

00:48:35.000 Yeah, this is crazy.

00:48:37.000 See, computers are the wave of the future.

00:48:40.000 People are already playing video games on them.

00:48:42.000 Someday people are going to do all their banking with computers or shopping with computers.

00:48:46.000 Someday almost everything is going to be done by a computer.

00:48:50.000 Well, that's nice, but we need special stories at the Pepper.

00:48:55.000 Like, can you muzzle a million bucks with this thing?

00:48:58.000 That was Arnold Jackson trying to steal money.

00:49:00.000 That's me and Gary Coleman.

00:49:01.000 Listen to what you were saying, man.

00:49:03.000 You were saying that, like, what was that, 1980-something?

00:49:05.000 83. That was season one.

00:49:07.000 82. 82. I lost you.

00:49:11.000 Are you guys on?

00:49:14.000 Shut the power off.

00:49:15.000 I'm back.

00:49:17.000 How did they fucking predict that so well?

00:49:22.000 That's kind of creepy.

00:49:23.000 I don't know.

00:49:23.000 Did you guys get computers from Steve Jobs or something?

00:49:27.000 Because that whole show was about computers.

00:49:29.000 Did you have the inside word?

00:49:31.000 Dude, are you a prophet?

00:49:33.000 Tell the truth.

00:49:34.000 I know you're a Mormon.

00:49:35.000 You may be a prophet.

00:49:36.000 We have video games on set and stuff, so I don't know about the computer thing.

00:49:40.000 Do you know as a kid how crazy you were?

00:49:43.000 You were like kid porn for us.

00:49:45.000 Dude, he has a pack machine.

00:49:46.000 He has a train.

00:49:48.000 You had every single toy in the world.

00:49:51.000 We idolized you as kids at our age group.

00:49:54.000 I'm 36, so it's like...

00:49:55.000 I had a duck phone.

00:49:57.000 I had remote control for my door.

00:50:00.000 You're hanging out with Mr. T? Aaron Gray, man.

00:50:02.000 If there was a TMZ back then, what would they have caught you doing?

00:50:07.000 What would they have caught me doing?

00:50:09.000 Would you be popping bottles and bottles?

00:50:10.000 Hanging out at Hotel Roosevelt with Alfonso and Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.

00:50:14.000 Back in 1986 though, 87, Hotel Roosevelt wasn't nice.

00:50:19.000 Really?

00:50:20.000 It was a dive back then.

00:50:22.000 What was back then?

00:50:23.000 It was a dive.

00:50:24.000 Club Hollywood.

00:50:24.000 You remember Club Hollywood?

00:50:25.000 Hotel Roosevelt was like a super cool place to be.

00:50:28.000 I remember hearing about Club Hollywood.

00:50:29.000 You know, back in the day, like Teen Bop magazine.

00:50:32.000 Club Hollywood.

00:50:33.000 That was the hangout.

00:50:35.000 That's so weird, man.

00:50:37.000 Corey Haim's dead.

00:50:38.000 Yeah.

00:50:39.000 Nobody saw that coming.

00:50:40.000 Yeah.

00:50:44.000 How weird is it that there's these kids that grew up with you that didn't make it through the net?

00:50:50.000 How weird is that to watch?

00:50:52.000 Yeah, I feel really bad for these kids.

00:50:55.000 Like when you see a kid like Corey Haim that you knew when he was a little kid.

00:50:57.000 Yeah, he was so good too, you know?

00:50:59.000 Dude, when he was...

00:51:00.000 The two of them were...

00:51:02.000 What was that fucking vampire movie?

00:51:03.000 Lost Boys.

00:51:04.000 Dude, they were good in those movies, man.

00:51:06.000 He was a good actor.

00:51:08.000 Yeah.

00:51:08.000 So you must have hung out with Michael Jackson.

00:51:11.000 And what did he taste like?

00:51:12.000 You remember that kid?

00:51:12.000 River Phoenix?

00:51:13.000 Yeah.

00:51:14.000 I mean, he was a real talent, you know?

00:51:16.000 Fuck, that was crazy.

00:51:17.000 Dying on Sunset Strip, you know?

00:51:19.000 What about Michael Jackson?

00:51:21.000 You used to hang out with him?

00:51:22.000 Michael Jackson visited the set of Silver Spoons.

00:51:24.000 Wow.

00:51:24.000 What was that like?

00:51:25.000 He was friends with Alfonso, who was my buddy on Silver Spoons.

00:51:28.000 Do you know Alfonso?

00:51:29.000 Yeah.

00:51:29.000 Who was on the Fresh Prince, right?

00:51:31.000 Yeah, after Silver Spoons.

00:51:32.000 And what's his last name again?

00:51:33.000 Ribeiro.

00:51:34.000 Alfonso.

00:51:35.000 So yeah, he came to visit one day, Michael Jackson, and hang out with Alfonso, because Alfonso did a Pepsi commercial.

00:51:41.000 What was that line?

00:51:41.000 That was when he was the biggest star on the planet.

00:51:44.000 Ever.

00:51:44.000 Huge.

00:51:45.000 Yeah, huge.

00:51:46.000 I'm going to tell about my book.

00:51:48.000 He made me very uncomfortable.

00:51:50.000 Oh, really?

00:51:51.000 Did he kiss on the lips or the ears?

00:51:54.000 He's bullshitting.

00:51:55.000 Please, Michael Jackson estate.

00:51:57.000 Calm the lawyers down.

00:51:59.000 Do you think he fucked kids?

00:52:02.000 You must have heard stories.

00:52:04.000 I don't know about anal, but I think it might have been some inappropriate stuff if I had to guess.

00:52:10.000 Like some handjob type shit?

00:52:11.000 Webster pulled you aside and was like, don't go over that.

00:52:13.000 Funny story about Webster.

00:52:15.000 Really?

00:52:16.000 I heard so many rumors about Michael Jackson and why he was the way he was, but you were actually there.

00:52:23.000 What was he like?

00:52:24.000 He was very kind.

00:52:25.000 Me and Alfonso went to the Universal Amphitheater once to see him play, and we went into his...

00:52:30.000 This was like Billie Jean times?

00:52:32.000 Yeah, this is the time.

00:52:34.000 Top of the fucking planet.

00:52:35.000 Biggest planet, star in the universe.

00:52:38.000 And so we're hanging out in his trailer, and...

00:52:42.000 Just hanging out.

00:52:43.000 Really nice, quiet, shy guy.

00:52:44.000 And so I'm like 16, 17. I said, Michael, how did you make it from a kid actor to an adult like this?

00:52:51.000 How did you survive?

00:52:52.000 Because I was kind of in the middle of transitioning from a kid to an adult.

00:52:56.000 He said, you know, the trick was being inspired, Ricky, because I had to be inspired to keep it up.

00:53:02.000 And I had to find stuff that I wanted to work on and wanted to do.

00:53:06.000 And I kind of took that advice to heart.

00:53:09.000 No, nothing inappropriate ever happened.

00:53:11.000 And then he started kissing her nipples.

00:53:12.000 Nothing inappropriate ever happened with me that I know of.

00:53:16.000 He's such an odd guy, just even the way his voice was.

00:53:21.000 And it was very strange that that's a man's voice.

00:53:23.000 Just such an odd character.

00:53:26.000 But never been a guy with so much to get out.

00:53:29.000 We talked about it last week in the podcast, how crazy it was watching him dance.

00:53:33.000 Nobody ever did anything like that before.

00:53:36.000 Elvis did.

00:53:37.000 He did, but he did in a different way.

00:53:39.000 Michael Jackson, he had a weird thing of his own.

00:53:43.000 Sammy Davis.

00:53:43.000 He took something from Brown.

00:53:45.000 Jim Brown.

00:53:45.000 James Brown.

00:53:47.000 We watched that on the podcast a couple weeks ago, the opening in Zaire.

00:53:51.000 James Brown was manly.

00:53:53.000 The way James Brown was like...

00:53:54.000 It was more like a...

00:53:56.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:53:57.000 But when Michael Jackson did it, it's more like this gliding, almost alien-type character that's moving around in perfect synchronicity.

00:54:05.000 There was more of a perfection to Michael Jackson's movements, whereas James Brown was more of a raw sexuality.

00:54:12.000 I had the Michael Jackson jacket.

00:54:14.000 Do you remember that?

00:54:15.000 I totally remember that.

00:54:16.000 I had the generic one though.

00:54:17.000 My family couldn't afford the real ones.

00:54:19.000 We got the generic one at this store called Gold Circle.

00:54:21.000 It looked exactly the same, but there was some kind of tag the real one had, and immediately everyone was like, fake.

00:54:27.000 People had fake things, fake members only.

00:54:30.000 I had a fake Izod.

00:54:32.000 It wasn't a crocodile.

00:54:33.000 It was like something else.

00:54:34.000 I fucked such a lizard.

00:54:35.000 I didn't have a crocodile.

00:54:36.000 That's a weird thing with kids, right?

00:54:38.000 Yeah.

00:54:38.000 The need for brand name shit.

00:54:40.000 Umbrose spelled with a Q. What is that?

00:54:43.000 Remember those Umbrose shirts?

00:54:44.000 Shorts used to be real popular back in the day.

00:54:46.000 Same thing.

00:54:47.000 They had generic brands.

00:54:48.000 It was like Quambo or something.

00:54:49.000 Tell me this.

00:54:49.000 You want to talk about popularity?

00:54:50.000 You have young kids.

00:54:51.000 How the fuck is that sagging thing still in?

00:54:55.000 How the fuck are people sagging their pants still?

00:54:57.000 It's just like wearing pajamas.

00:54:59.000 No, it's not.

00:55:00.000 They're pulling their pants to half their ass and then they're pulling their belt on so their pants stay on.

00:55:06.000 Is it to show you how good they clean or something?

00:55:09.000 Tight jeans now is back.

00:55:10.000 No, dude.

00:55:11.000 I'm telling you.

00:55:12.000 Whatever's back.

00:55:13.000 Oh, tight jeans.

00:55:14.000 Not what's in style.

00:55:15.000 What people are doing.

00:55:16.000 Those kids are still sagging everywhere.

00:55:18.000 Everywhere I go, I'm meeting kids and the crotch of their pants is by their knee and they can't even fucking walk.

00:55:24.000 Why are you friends in general?

00:55:25.000 It's going to end.

00:55:26.000 It's going to end.

00:55:26.000 I don't think it's going to end.

00:55:27.000 That's what I'm telling you.

00:55:28.000 This has been around since I was in high school.

00:55:30.000 It was one of those things where I thought, okay, this is bell-bottom jeans.

00:55:34.000 This is fucking wearing a visor.

00:55:35.000 This shit is going to go away.

00:55:37.000 It was back...

00:55:39.000 Yes!

00:55:39.000 People fucking sagged.

00:55:41.000 I remember parachute pants.

00:55:42.000 People sagged in the 80s and 90s.

00:55:43.000 Maybe it's comfortable.

00:55:44.000 There wasn't as many, but it was still...

00:55:45.000 Maybe that's why dudes like it.

00:55:47.000 It came from prison.

00:55:48.000 The whole thing comes from when you go to prison, they take away your belt so you can't choke yourself to death.

00:55:52.000 You don't have a weapon either.

00:55:54.000 So your pants are sagging off.

00:55:55.000 And you're losing weight because you're not eating as much as you were when you first got, you know?

00:55:58.000 Yeah, probably.

00:55:59.000 Or you're eating more dick!

00:56:01.000 Yeah, getting that AIDS food.

00:56:05.000 Anyway.

00:56:06.000 That would suck being in prison, wouldn't it?

00:56:07.000 What's a Webster story?

00:56:08.000 What could be worse than getting your freedom taken away?

00:56:10.000 I don't know.

00:56:10.000 I think I'd rather be dead.

00:56:12.000 What's amazing is all the different shit they can put you in prison for, you know?

00:56:16.000 So the Webster story.

00:56:17.000 So I'm at one of these network junkets where you go to promote your show and stuff.

00:56:23.000 And all the other actors and cast are there from their shows.

00:56:26.000 And this little, man, black kid, this tall, was just cute as could be, man.

00:56:32.000 I put him on my knee and I started just playing with him and bouncing him around.

00:56:37.000 He was giggling and laughing and having a good time.

00:56:41.000 I liked kids.

00:56:43.000 I've always liked kids.

00:56:44.000 I laid the kid back, and I blew, like, in his neck.

00:56:48.000 Zerbert.

00:56:49.000 Zerbert?

00:56:49.000 Is that what it's called?

00:56:50.000 Yeah, that's what Bill calls it.

00:56:51.000 Bill calls it.

00:56:52.000 I blew him a couple Zerberts, and he's, like, giggling like a little four-year-old, right?

00:56:56.000 And I put him away, and I'm like, go ahead now, I'm done playing with you.

00:57:01.000 And somebody comes over and says, you know, he's 16. No!

00:57:05.000 No!

00:57:06.000 We were the same age.

00:57:08.000 We were the same age, man.

00:57:10.000 Oh my God.

00:57:11.000 And he didn't say anything.

00:57:13.000 He just laughed at me.

00:57:14.000 Oh my God.

00:57:16.000 That's the best story ever.

00:57:17.000 Oh my God.

00:57:18.000 Holy shit.

00:57:19.000 You fucking gave the 16-year-old Webster a Zerber.

00:57:23.000 Oh my God.

00:57:24.000 On a 1 to 10, what was the embarrassment level when you found out he was your age?

00:57:30.000 I felt really...

00:57:32.000 What did you think?

00:57:33.000 I felt bad, man.

00:57:34.000 I felt gross.

00:57:35.000 Oh, my God.

00:57:37.000 I felt gross.

00:57:38.000 Did you apologize to him?

00:57:39.000 No, I couldn't look at him again ever.

00:57:41.000 Oh, my God.

00:57:42.000 You didn't even apologize.

00:57:43.000 Was he really laughing though when you did it?

00:57:45.000 Or was he laughing and giggling?

00:57:47.000 If you had to go back and do it again today, would you apologize?

00:57:53.000 Would I apologize?

00:57:54.000 No, I just...

00:57:55.000 You wouldn't apologize still?

00:57:57.000 Too bad there was no cell phone cameras back then.

00:58:01.000 Can you imagine somebody filming that?

00:58:04.000 Melissa Gilbert was teaching me to juggle that day too.

00:58:07.000 I learned how to juggle.

00:58:08.000 Okay, how big was it?

00:58:10.000 What did he look like?

00:58:10.000 How old did you think he was?

00:58:12.000 I thought he was like 4 or 5. I thought he was just like a little kid.

00:58:16.000 If we can get him, can we film and recreate it, reenact it?

00:58:20.000 What exactly happened with him?

00:58:21.000 That'd be awesome.

00:58:22.000 I met him once at the comedy store.

00:58:24.000 He was a very nice guy.

00:58:25.000 Really?

00:58:25.000 Emmanuel Lewis?

00:58:26.000 Very nice guy.

00:58:26.000 Yeah, he was very friendly.

00:58:28.000 Is he a nice guy?

00:58:29.000 Yeah, he was fine.

00:58:30.000 Well, you guys got off to a bad start.

00:58:32.000 He giggled a lot.

00:58:33.000 He giggled a lot and he tasted like sugar.

00:58:37.000 Yeah, what did he taste like?

00:58:38.000 Remember what he tasted like?

00:58:39.000 It tasted like honey.

00:58:42.000 It's Old Spice.

00:58:43.000 I only felt bad when I found out how old it was.

00:58:47.000 Why does this baby smell like Old Spice?

00:58:51.000 Why does this baby go fucking stubble?

00:58:54.000 Baby's got razor stubble and a tattoo.

00:58:59.000 Baby's got a heart on.

00:59:00.000 What the fuck?

00:59:00.000 Michael Jackson's glove on his ass.

00:59:02.000 Could you imagine?

00:59:03.000 Do you know him well?

00:59:04.000 Do you know when the first time he got laid?

00:59:06.000 Who?

00:59:07.000 Emmanuel Lewis?

00:59:08.000 No, I don't know him well.

00:59:09.000 The Gary Coleman story was fascinating.

00:59:11.000 He was like 40. Virgin.

00:59:14.000 By Todd Bridges, wasn't it?

00:59:15.000 He should have taken that money.

00:59:16.000 If I was his advisor, okay, and I would say, let's get rid of the showbiz aspirations.

00:59:21.000 Let's just let it go.

00:59:22.000 We've got about 50 grand in the bank.

00:59:23.000 I think it's time to move to Thailand.

00:59:25.000 I think it's time to go to Thailand.

00:59:27.000 Thailand, you're a celebrity, okay?

00:59:28.000 You've still got 50 grand.

00:59:29.000 We'll go a long goddamn way.

00:59:31.000 Get yourself a nice girl.

00:59:33.000 Settle down in the jungle.

00:59:35.000 Learn some Muay Thai.

00:59:37.000 Go fishing, okay?

00:59:38.000 America's not for you, son.

00:59:39.000 You're going to get some fucking...

00:59:40.000 The chick that did marry him.

00:59:42.000 Did you ever see the chick that married him?

00:59:44.000 Yeah.

00:59:44.000 She took pictures on his deathbed where she was like looking at the camera.

00:59:48.000 See, that's so rough.

00:59:48.000 Like just getting like a self portrait and he's fucked up with pipes, tubes coming out of his mouth.

00:59:53.000 That's gross.

00:59:54.000 Oh, it's beyond gross.

00:59:55.000 It's one of the darkest pictures.

00:59:57.000 And that's saying a lot that I think I've ever seen on the internet.

00:59:59.000 It's true.

01:00:00.000 One of the darkest pictures because it's just like there's such a lack of love and respect and there's a lack of, you know, remorse and she's not sad that he's dying.

01:00:09.000 Or if she is, it's not that sad.

01:00:11.000 Yeah.

01:00:12.000 It's horrible.

01:00:13.000 I don't know.

01:00:13.000 I mean, who knows how he treated her, you know?

01:00:15.000 Of course he treated her like shit.

01:00:16.000 He probably yelled at everybody.

01:00:18.000 But, you know, the guy's, again, he was born fucked up.

01:00:21.000 Yeah.

01:00:21.000 Could you imagine just going through life going, there's no way to fix this?

01:00:24.000 He was so talented though.

01:00:27.000 When he was a kid, he was amazing if you go back and ever watch.

01:00:31.000 What do you do if you're a guy like that?

01:00:33.000 That's what the hard part is.

01:00:35.000 How do you transition from being...

01:00:38.000 I guess if you could write your own shit, if you could write your own thing that's really good about a guy who's in your situation, then you could come up with some sort of a show as an adult.

01:00:47.000 It's possible, right?

01:00:48.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:00:49.000 I mean, but you got to adapt and morph and change and grow with the times.

01:00:53.000 And that's, I think, what happens to a lot of child actors is they kind of don't.

01:00:56.000 And they also, you know, they're used to being treated a certain way and getting certain big paydays and certain big checks.

01:01:03.000 And when it's time to humble yourself and just sort of start working again for less or, you know, start doing things that you may not really like, their egos are too big.

01:01:13.000 So you gotta stay humble.

01:01:14.000 I think that's one of the biggest...

01:01:16.000 Very hard.

01:01:16.000 And Erin Gray helps, doesn't she?

01:01:18.000 Erin Gray is...

01:01:19.000 How hard is it to stay humble?

01:01:22.000 That is the most hard thing, right?

01:01:23.000 The most confusing thing is when you know that you're just a normal person, but everybody treats you like you're special because you're a star.

01:01:31.000 Like when you're on a set, if you're on a set like a sitcom, it's so easy to lose your head.

01:01:36.000 Because everyone's kissing your ass, and all the network people are all walking on eggshells around you, and they want to be really friendly with you, and everybody wants to be nice to you, and everyone's got a big smile, and the show's doing well, everyone's got a big smile, everyone kisses your ass.

01:01:48.000 It's like you live in some weird world.

01:01:49.000 And then you've got an accountant, and then you've got a lawyer that kisses your ass, and you've got a publicist that kisses your ass, and a manager, and all these people that you're employing that are kind of kissing your ass.

01:01:57.000 That's why it's important, you know, just to have real people around you.

01:02:00.000 It's very hard to pull off for some people.

01:02:02.000 It's very hard to get yourself out of that spiral of confusion, your identity confusion.

01:02:08.000 Like, who the fuck am I? Yeah, but my friends were always outside Hollywood.

01:02:11.000 That's what's important.

01:02:11.000 That's the most important thing.

01:02:12.000 My friends were always just, you know, guys that were farmers or ranchers or hunters.

01:02:16.000 Did you just go knock on their door?

01:02:17.000 Hey, I'm Rick Schroeder and I'm looking for some fellow hunters.

01:02:20.000 Want to play my video game?

01:02:21.000 Let me be your friend.

01:02:23.000 Like Frogger, I got one in my house.

01:02:25.000 What's up, son?

01:02:26.000 You probably had a Dragon's Lair.

01:02:28.000 That Dragon's Lair on set.

01:02:30.000 You did?

01:02:31.000 Yeah.

01:02:32.000 Dragon's Lair was the one where it was a cartoon scene, and then if you did the right thing...

01:02:35.000 What was the lead character's name?

01:02:36.000 Dirk Daring.

01:02:38.000 Dirk.

01:02:38.000 Love that.

01:02:38.000 That game would just suck your money.

01:02:40.000 I remember I'd go to West when I was a kid, and I'd bring like $40 a quarters, and just sit there and play all night until I was sweating.

01:02:48.000 That and Mach 3. Remember that one where it was like real jet footage where it looked like you're a plane and you were like shooting down things?

01:02:56.000 I remember a lot of those.

01:02:57.000 Mach 3. I really remember Dragon's Lair.

01:03:00.000 That was the best.

01:03:00.000 Call of Duty is my game now.

01:03:02.000 Totally.

01:03:03.000 I can't fucking play games.

01:03:04.000 I play so much.

01:03:04.000 Dude, when you go through the airport at that one, you just start mauling people at the airport.

01:03:09.000 Have you played that one?

01:03:09.000 I like to play multiplayer.

01:03:10.000 Oh, dude, you gotta play online.

01:03:12.000 No, I've done the campaign, but I like to play online against other people.

01:03:16.000 I can't do it.

01:03:16.000 I get addicted.

01:03:17.000 You get addicted.

01:03:18.000 I get addicted bad.

01:03:19.000 Do you play with the Xbox or with the PlayStation?

01:03:21.000 I have both.

01:03:22.000 Is that what you do with console?

01:03:23.000 It's a console game?

01:03:24.000 Console, Xbox is what I usually do.

01:03:25.000 I like PC games.

01:03:27.000 With keyboard and mouse, you have much more control.

01:03:29.000 I like first-person shooters.

01:03:31.000 I like playing like Duels and Quake.

01:03:33.000 Dude, you would love Call of Duty.

01:03:35.000 Can't do it.

01:03:35.000 He would fucking freak out.

01:03:36.000 He just remembers Quake.

01:03:38.000 Can you imagine going to Quake to Call of Duty?

01:03:40.000 That's craziness.

01:03:42.000 I have a real addiction to games.

01:03:46.000 No, it's Quake.

01:03:48.000 Quake Online still is the best game.

01:03:49.000 Literally, 40 is the cutoff.

01:03:51.000 Literally, I've found out.

01:03:52.000 For what?

01:03:53.000 For the video game junkies.

01:03:55.000 Oh, that's nonsense.

01:03:56.000 Listen, man.

01:03:56.000 Do whatever the fuck you want.

01:03:58.000 No one is making the rules.

01:04:00.000 No one's making the rules.

01:04:00.000 If you do what you enjoy doing, this is all nonsense.

01:04:03.000 You're going to be dead someday.

01:04:04.000 Do what you like now.

01:04:05.000 Don't do what you like because you want to pretend to like you because other people think you're sophisticated.

01:04:09.000 Then you're going to wind up going to fucking musicals and shit.

01:04:12.000 Do what you like.

01:04:13.000 Video games are way better than musicals, okay?

01:04:16.000 Video games are fun as fuck.

01:04:18.000 It doesn't matter if you're 80 years old.

01:04:19.000 If you fucking get some stereo headphones, get a good fast cable internet line, get online, play some Quake, holy shit.

01:04:26.000 You hear people coming out of the left side and the right side and rockets are flying at you and you're fucking mowing people down with a lightning gun.

01:04:32.000 I never even heard of Quake.

01:04:34.000 Never heard of Quake.

01:04:34.000 It's your show and your age, son.

01:04:37.000 Shit's ridiculous.

01:04:38.000 Joe, I know you, but have you played this game?

01:04:40.000 You can play it on the computer.

01:04:42.000 You can play it on the computer.

01:04:43.000 Imagine that times 50 billion.

01:04:45.000 Okay, well tell me why it's so great.

01:04:47.000 The graphics one will blow your mind.

01:04:49.000 And the weapons.

01:04:50.000 The weapons will blow your mind.

01:04:51.000 Playing with like...

01:04:52.000 50 other people at once will blow your mind.

01:04:55.000 And you can hide in trees and be a sniper if you want.

01:04:57.000 I'm scared.

01:04:58.000 I'm scared.

01:04:59.000 You should take a week off.

01:05:01.000 I had a friend that lost his mind once.

01:05:02.000 He was an actor.

01:05:03.000 He lost his mind once.

01:05:04.000 And this dude had never been in the military.

01:05:05.000 And he called me up and he goes, if everything doesn't fucking pick up, I think I'm just going to go to Iraq and start killing people.

01:05:11.000 Wow.

01:05:12.000 And I'm like, what?

01:05:13.000 I go, what are you talking about?

01:05:14.000 And he's like, you know what, man?

01:05:15.000 Fuck it.

01:05:16.000 At this point in my life, I'm ready to join the mercenaries.

01:05:19.000 Like, okay, I can't talk to you anymore.

01:05:20.000 And I stopped talking to him.

01:05:21.000 It's like the last time I talked to him.

01:05:23.000 Blackwater.

01:05:23.000 And I'm like, I wonder if this dude has just been playing a lot of video games.

01:05:26.000 And he's like, you know, fuck it.

01:05:28.000 I'll just get fucking, get fragged.

01:05:30.000 Just go over there and end it all.

01:05:32.000 I wonder, you know?

01:05:33.000 Huh.

01:05:34.000 What is it about?

01:05:35.000 I mean, do you think people get desensitized playing video games to the idea of real war?

01:05:38.000 For sure.

01:05:38.000 Definitely.

01:05:39.000 For sure, huh?

01:05:40.000 For sure.

01:05:40.000 But I don't think it makes them change their mind, like, killing people or anything.

01:05:43.000 That's why, like, Quake has, like, totally fake, like, movement.

01:05:45.000 Like, the physics of the game are not human physics.

01:05:48.000 Like, you can jump further than you can ever really jump.

01:05:50.000 Right.

01:05:50.000 It's all about jumping and killing.

01:05:51.000 You can strafe jump.

01:05:51.000 You strafe jump, and you can really go jumping sideways, and you can rocket jump, especially if you play Rocket Arena.

01:05:57.000 The physics are just crazy, wild, nutty physics.

01:06:00.000 Right.

01:06:00.000 I think your games are, like, real-world games.

01:06:02.000 They're more realistic, yeah.

01:06:02.000 I'm not interested in that.

01:06:03.000 I want some fast pace.

01:06:05.000 I want to catch a dude in midair with a railgun.

01:06:08.000 You know what I'm talking about?

01:06:09.000 He makes a jump in time and boom!

01:06:11.000 I bet you if we get it here and we hook up our computers together, I bet within an hour you would be fucking like...

01:06:18.000 No!

01:06:18.000 Joe, it's crazy, man.

01:06:19.000 If you shoot somebody through their head, man, the whole wall behind you would splatter with blood.

01:06:23.000 In the game.

01:06:24.000 And the wall would start to disintegrate.

01:06:25.000 I might just have to pull out my fleshlight right then and there.

01:06:29.000 If someone's fucking head explodes behind them, I might just...

01:06:31.000 I might get a viking horn.

01:06:35.000 Fucking my fleshlight and blowing my horn.

01:06:41.000 Goddamn, his head exploded and splattered against the wall.

01:06:45.000 That's got to be satisfying if you're a bad guy and you shoot somebody and their brains splatter against the wall.

01:06:49.000 That's got to be...

01:06:50.000 There's no positive karma in murder, but you get an A for artistic effect.

01:06:58.000 I went to New York and was doing NYPD Blue and I went to do research with some cops there on how to be a cop and they took me to the morgue.

01:07:06.000 Have you ever been to a morgue?

01:07:07.000 No.

01:07:08.000 You want to talk about intense?

01:07:09.000 They had a wall, like the size of that wall, with Polaroids over probably the last 30 years of the most gruesome killings you've ever seen.

01:07:19.000 I remember Wanjil.

01:07:21.000 The guy had put a double-barreled shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.

01:07:24.000 And his head had split perfectly down the middle, and there was one on each shoulder.

01:07:29.000 His head was split and laying on the shoulder.

01:07:32.000 One on each shoulder.

01:07:33.000 Like, perfect!

01:07:34.000 And it was unbelievable, but...

01:07:36.000 Anyway, um...

01:07:37.000 You should have tweeted those.

01:07:38.000 You need a Twitter.

01:07:40.000 Unbelievable photographs.

01:07:41.000 Goddamn.

01:07:42.000 There was this one, this girl, we went on this one crime scene.

01:07:45.000 The guys didn't want to pay this prostitute so they tossed her off the roof.

01:07:48.000 She bounced off the air conditioners 13 floors down.

01:07:51.000 Oh my god.

01:07:53.000 Crazy stuff like that, man.

01:07:55.000 Real stuff.

01:07:56.000 They didn't want to pay a prostitute, so they threw her out the window.

01:08:01.000 Oh my god.

01:08:02.000 You can see the blood smears.

01:08:04.000 Like a double offense against humanity.

01:08:08.000 I mean, think about how empty you have to be.

01:08:12.000 First of all, you're not just getting this prostitute that you don't give a fuck about, but you're going to kill her rather than pay her.

01:08:19.000 You've taken someone's child and you fucked her and then you decide you don't need no money.

01:08:25.000 You're worth less than nothing.

01:08:27.000 Throw you out the window and have you die a slow, horrible death bouncing off fucking shit on the way down.

01:08:34.000 There's some animals out there, man.

01:08:35.000 It's chilling.

01:08:37.000 One of the things that I've always said about the internet that is good is the internet allows you to see these things without coming into contact with these people.

01:08:44.000 Normally, if you want to get that kind of an image and that kind of a visual, you have to either go on patrol with cops or you get unfortunate and you see it against your will.

01:08:56.000 Because of the internet, you can go and find this shit out and see it from the comfort of your own home and just know, okay, now I know this shit exists.

01:09:04.000 Now I know there's somebody like that out there.

01:09:06.000 Because you run through your normal life, you're not going to meet somebody who wants to blow your brains out with a shotgun.

01:09:12.000 You need to know there's guys that are out there, right?

01:09:15.000 You know, I was in Compton shooting a movie, and And, uh, 18 years old, 19 years old, Brad Pitt's in the movie.

01:09:22.000 We played runners together.

01:09:23.000 It's a movie called Across the Tracks.

01:09:24.000 So, I think, you know, when you're 18, you're tough.

01:09:27.000 So, I'm in my Porsche.

01:09:28.000 So, I'm driving around Compton, and I stop at a hamburger.

01:09:31.000 Jesus Christ!

01:09:31.000 Stop at a hamburger joint.

01:09:32.000 This is 1988. The crack wars.

01:09:34.000 Oh, no!

01:09:34.000 Crack wars are going on.

01:09:35.000 You were driving around Compton in a Porsche in 1988. Looking like me.

01:09:39.000 This is NWA. This is NWA days, right?

01:09:41.000 Looking like me.

01:09:41.000 Yeah!

01:09:42.000 So, you're 18, you look like you're 12. I look like I'm 14, yeah.

01:09:45.000 And you step out of a badass fucking car.

01:09:46.000 So I step out of a badass car.

01:09:48.000 Cheeseburgers, bitch.

01:09:48.000 I start ordering cheeseburger, and this really nice dude comes up to me, black guy, and he's like, you know, what's up, Ricky?

01:09:54.000 Silver spoons.

01:09:54.000 Love it, man.

01:09:55.000 Love you.

01:09:55.000 And he's really nice.

01:09:56.000 Black people always love me.

01:09:58.000 I don't know why, but they really dug silver spoons.

01:10:00.000 So anyway, so we're talking.

01:10:02.000 A few minutes later, I go back.

01:10:03.000 Because it was the original MTV Cribs.

01:10:05.000 I go back to check on my car, and there's three guys in my car.

01:10:09.000 In your car.

01:10:10.000 I didn't turn the alarm on.

01:10:11.000 My doors are open, my hatch is open, and they're pulling the CD changer.

01:10:15.000 Remember back in the day that you had like an 8-disc CD changer?

01:10:18.000 So they ripped that out.

01:10:20.000 Oh my God.

01:10:21.000 And now they're working on my Blah Punk, on my radio, with screwdrivers.

01:10:24.000 And so I ran over, and they were like cracked out people.

01:10:28.000 And I said, get out of my car, get out of my car.

01:10:30.000 They didn't even look at me.

01:10:31.000 They like glanced at me and went back to work.

01:10:34.000 What?

01:10:35.000 Wow.

01:10:35.000 Literally.

01:10:36.000 That would have freaked my shit out.

01:10:38.000 There was nothing I could do.

01:10:38.000 What the fuck was going through your head?

01:10:40.000 You were how old?

01:10:40.000 I was helpless.

01:10:41.000 You were how old?

01:10:41.000 I'm 18 years old.

01:10:42.000 And they're ripping my Blopong out with their screws.

01:10:45.000 You don't have a cell phone back then either.

01:10:47.000 Did you page somebody?

01:10:48.000 No.

01:10:48.000 So the guy that I was in line with ordering a hamburger, cheeseburger, really nice guy, he comes around the corner and he sees my predicament.

01:10:55.000 And he goes, Ricky, what's going on?

01:10:56.000 I go, these guys are ripping my stuff off.

01:10:58.000 And he goes, okay, I'll help you.

01:10:59.000 Hold on.

01:11:00.000 And I watch him go to his truck, or his car, and he opens the trunk, and he pulls out a shotgun this big.

01:11:05.000 Wow.

01:11:06.000 With a pistol grip.

01:11:07.000 And he runs up to my car, and he points it at the guys in my car, and he says, get out of the motherfucker's car, I'm gonna kill you.

01:11:13.000 And all those guys got right out of my car, man.

01:11:15.000 Wow.

01:11:15.000 Oh my god.

01:11:17.000 I got in my car, and he said, Ricky, you better get out of here, you don't belong around here.

01:11:21.000 Can you imagine if that was on YouTube?

01:11:22.000 See, that's the kind of shit that needs to be on YouTube.

01:11:24.000 Wow.

01:11:25.000 I never stepped foot off the set again in Compton.

01:11:27.000 Oh my god.

01:11:29.000 Holy shit.

01:11:30.000 So they just looked up at you and went right back to work?

01:11:33.000 Yeah.

01:11:33.000 Just looked at me and went back to work.

01:11:35.000 Jesus Christ.

01:11:36.000 But that one guy saved my ass, man.

01:11:38.000 I wonder what that guy did.

01:11:38.000 I wonder if he was like a securities guy or...

01:11:40.000 No, he was a gang member.

01:11:41.000 There's a world...

01:11:42.000 He had that little shotgun.

01:11:43.000 He was a gangbanger.

01:11:44.000 There's a world of like criminals that if you're not from the world of criminals...

01:11:48.000 And somehow or another you fall into the world of criminals, just accidentally you stumble into it.

01:11:53.000 Yeah, like I did.

01:11:54.000 Yeah, you're fucked.

01:11:55.000 I mean, you don't understand how everything is working.

01:11:57.000 Yeah.

01:11:58.000 The world of criminals does not work anything like the regular world of society.

01:12:01.000 No.

01:12:02.000 No conscience.

01:12:03.000 When I was 21 years old, well, I guess I was like 23 or 24, I moved to New York from Boston and I started hanging around with this dude who was a homeless pool hustler.

01:12:12.000 And he was a really smart guy.

01:12:14.000 He became my best friend.

01:12:15.000 Did he teach you a lot of pool?

01:12:16.000 Yeah.

01:12:17.000 Joe's great at pool, man.

01:12:18.000 Have you played him?

01:12:19.000 Yeah, it's not fair.

01:12:20.000 It's like playing Quake with him.

01:12:21.000 He killed me.

01:12:22.000 And I'm not bad, but...

01:12:24.000 He plays good.

01:12:25.000 He plays good.

01:12:25.000 But Joe's really good.

01:12:26.000 I got a sickness for games.

01:12:27.000 And right now, the way I play pool is nothing like the way I used to play pool.

01:12:30.000 I used to play pool 8-10 hours a day.

01:12:33.000 I played it all the time.

01:12:34.000 But I went from living in suburban Boston, Newton, Massachusetts, to just mostly doing Taekwondo and competing in tournaments.

01:12:44.000 That's all I did throughout my childhood.

01:12:46.000 And playing pool with this guy.

01:12:46.000 And then I went from that to living in New York and not being around any of the same people and then hanging out with this homeless pool hustler character.

01:12:54.000 And then finding myself in these, fuck!

01:12:56.000 Fucked up situations.

01:12:57.000 With crazy people.

01:12:59.000 Like, I'm taking him to buy crack at fucking 3 o'clock in the morning, and we're in Harlem, and he's got to go into this place.

01:13:05.000 I got the wrong door.

01:13:07.000 I want to find the right place.

01:13:08.000 And he was fucked up.

01:13:09.000 And I was like, what am I doing here?

01:13:11.000 And then there was a realization that if I got busted, if we got pulled over when he was making a bust, they would take my car.

01:13:16.000 I'm helping him, but I liked the guy, but I was completely out of my element.

01:13:20.000 I was like, wow, this is a creepy fucking world that I'm into all of a sudden.

01:13:24.000 I'm into this weird, cracked-out gangsta.

01:13:27.000 Same thing happened to me.

01:13:28.000 What happened to you?

01:13:29.000 This girl I used to date, her roommate liked crack.

01:13:33.000 And so she's like, will you come with me and him?

01:13:36.000 Because, you know, his car's broke.

01:13:37.000 We need to drive.

01:13:38.000 I'm like, okay, what are we doing?

01:13:39.000 He's like, oh, you know, he's going to a friend.

01:13:40.000 He's going to pick up some shit.

01:13:42.000 And I thought they were just talking about weed.

01:13:43.000 So I get into this, I walk into this house with these people.

01:13:46.000 And they're like, get in the basement, get in the basement.

01:13:49.000 And it's a crack house.

01:13:50.000 I didn't even realize it was a crack house.

01:13:52.000 So I go downstairs and there's people like crack everywhere.

01:13:54.000 And there's just a person at this table.

01:13:56.000 And I'm sitting there thinking, all right, I'm the only white guy here.

01:13:59.000 Except for my girlfriend.

01:14:01.000 And two, this is a crack house.

01:14:03.000 What the fuck am I doing there?

01:14:05.000 Of course, nothing happened, but I remember that.

01:14:07.000 But it could have.

01:14:08.000 I was like, that's the end of this hanging out with this girl.

01:14:11.000 Do you remember New Jack City?

01:14:12.000 You got the titties hanging out.

01:14:14.000 Remember when they had the crack factoring?

01:14:16.000 That shit was really going on places, right?

01:14:18.000 They were really manufacturing crack.

01:14:21.000 Mookie?

01:14:21.000 What was his name?

01:14:22.000 Pookie?

01:14:23.000 I don't remember.

01:14:24.000 That was a great movie.

01:14:25.000 Fuck.

01:14:26.000 Drugs are scary as fuck.

01:14:27.000 Yeah, that's the scariest drug.

01:14:29.000 People think that I'm pro-drugs because I'm pro-marijuana and pro-psychedelics, but I'm pro-nothing they get addicted to and nothing that can kill you.

01:14:38.000 There's shit that you should totally avoid.

01:14:40.000 I totally want to try Adderall, though.

01:14:41.000 Yeah, well, according to Ari, it makes you clean his house.

01:14:44.000 I want to try it.

01:14:45.000 Ari hasn't cleaned his house in forever.

01:14:47.000 I've got him one Adderall.

01:14:49.000 Half of one Adderall, and he cleaned his whole entire place from, like, amazing.

01:14:54.000 Like, he found traffic keepers from 12 years ago with the Incredible Hulk on it, because that, you know, from a middle school kid that he kidnapped or something.

01:15:00.000 Wow.

01:15:02.000 Adderall is supposed to be really powerful shit.

01:15:04.000 Robert Schimmel told me he took it accidentally once.

01:15:06.000 Ecstasy.

01:15:07.000 Have you ever tried that?

01:15:07.000 Yeah.

01:15:08.000 I'm not really a fan of that.

01:15:09.000 I've never tried it.

01:15:10.000 I learned a lot when I did ecstasy.

01:15:12.000 I had a very powerful, positive experience.

01:15:14.000 I learned a lot from it, but I wouldn't do it again.

01:15:17.000 I did not like the way it made my brain feel.

01:15:19.000 The next day, my brain was very dull, and it felt like...

01:15:22.000 The way I described it, I felt like a sponge where most of the water had been wrung out of it.

01:15:26.000 It just wasn't working right.

01:15:28.000 I couldn't make connections right.

01:15:30.000 I was in a Starbucks and I was reading a magazine the next day.

01:15:34.000 I was reading a boxing magazine.

01:15:35.000 I couldn't read the magazine.

01:15:37.000 I couldn't read it.

01:15:38.000 It was a story I wanted to hear about.

01:15:39.000 I've always been a boxing fan.

01:15:41.000 I'm reading this matchup and I couldn't read it.

01:15:43.000 I couldn't put the words together.

01:15:45.000 And I was like, fuck, I can't read.

01:15:47.000 Okay, whatever I did last night to have this, you know, fucking loving, you know, everybody's cool, let's all be friends, and this beautiful, positive, you know, enlightening experience, the next day, like, you paid for that shit.

01:16:00.000 You paid for it.

01:16:00.000 I paid for it.

01:16:01.000 And I was like, okay, I paid once, I'm not paying again.

01:16:03.000 I know there's some shit that doesn't do that.

01:16:05.000 I know that it was a positive experience for me.

01:16:07.000 I realized, like, you realize when you do ecstasy a lot of what is possible if everybody dropped the bullshit.

01:16:14.000 You realize how beautiful life would be if everybody was super friendly and happy to see each other.

01:16:20.000 It would be way more fun and way more enjoyable than it is right now.

01:16:24.000 And you realize that you can do your part to make it lean in that direction.

01:16:29.000 So I think in that way it was very positive.

01:16:31.000 But I think the elevated levels of brain hormones that you give yourself when you take that stuff, there's a deficit.

01:16:37.000 You go up, so then it crashes, and then you don't have any left.

01:16:41.000 And then your brain is just like all shitty and fucked up until it replenishes everything on its own.

01:16:45.000 I don't think that's smart.

01:16:47.000 I don't think you should fuck with that.

01:16:48.000 There's other stuff that doesn't do that.

01:16:50.000 Mushrooms don't do that.

01:16:51.000 Yeah, I'm scared to take shrooms again.

01:16:53.000 I want to so bad, but the last time I shit for like six hours straight on shrooms and it was the most craziest, uncomfortable, worst, you know, hanging out in the bathroom shit.

01:17:01.000 Did you say shit?

01:17:02.000 Yeah.

01:17:03.000 Sometimes they make you shit because it's like you're eating mushrooms.

01:17:05.000 You're eating poison.

01:17:06.000 It's not poison, but they do have bacteria on them sometimes.

01:17:09.000 A lot of them have fungus on them.

01:17:12.000 I've heard of throwing up, but not diarrhea.

01:17:15.000 A lot of people throw up.

01:17:16.000 Some people throw up, and that's when it really kicks in, which is really kind of strange.

01:17:21.000 Dude, you were shitting on tripping.

01:17:22.000 I remember looking at the ground.

01:17:25.000 It was like a checkered pattern.

01:17:26.000 I remember the checkers were going up and down, kind of like Tetris or something like that.

01:17:30.000 I saw my heart beat.

01:17:34.000 The crazy thing about the mushroom experience isn't the visuals.

01:17:38.000 The crazy thing is the feeling that you get, like you kind of get it now.

01:17:42.000 And it's this fleeting feeling.

01:17:44.000 It's like while you're on the mushrooms, you get it.

01:17:46.000 It all seems to make sense.

01:17:48.000 It all seems to fall into place.

01:17:50.000 Familiar.

01:17:51.000 Yeah, familiar, but it's also this enhanced level of understanding.

01:17:56.000 It's like all the bullshit that's going on in your head, all the insecurities, all the false assumptions, all the things that are just tripping up the way you think, they all get pushed to the side and the lights all get turned on.

01:18:07.000 That's what my experiences have been on mushrooms.

01:18:10.000 But no paranoia?

01:18:11.000 No.

01:18:12.000 Oh, I had it all the time.

01:18:13.000 Paranoia every six times, maybe?

01:18:16.000 I'd be paranoid and anxiety and fucking bad trips and shitting myself.

01:18:20.000 Well, I think it's when you try to control it.

01:18:22.000 It's very humbling.

01:18:23.000 Sometimes I think it's just too strong or too, like you said, different molds and stuff.

01:18:27.000 So you're getting reactions from mold.

01:18:29.000 Yeah, you don't know who the fuck's growing your mushrooms too, right?

01:18:31.000 Or making your LSD. Some people, you hear stories of crazy LSD makers that don't know what the fuck they're doing and you're just pretty much...

01:18:38.000 Fucking your brain up.

01:18:40.000 Here's a story Rick that you think was fascinating.

01:18:42.000 We've talked about this before on the show.

01:18:44.000 The CIA used to do experiments on American civilians in the 1950s against their will.

01:18:49.000 They did a thing called Operation Midnight Climax, where the CIA owned a brothel in San Francisco and in New York.

01:18:57.000 And they got these guys who are going to get laid and they dosed them up with acid and ran tests on them.

01:19:02.000 That's how the CIA... Can we make that into a movie?

01:19:05.000 Let's do it, son!

01:19:07.000 We're going to work together!

01:19:08.000 You saw it here, ladies and gentlemen.

01:19:10.000 This is the beginning.

01:19:12.000 What research do you have?

01:19:13.000 Ricky Joey Productions.

01:19:15.000 It's true.

01:19:16.000 It's Operation Midnight Climax.

01:19:18.000 It's the Freedom of Information Act.

01:19:19.000 They released these documents.

01:19:20.000 The CIA ran brothels.

01:19:22.000 Let's develop that.

01:19:22.000 Yeah, let's do it.

01:19:23.000 It's real shit, man.

01:19:24.000 That sounds crazy.

01:19:24.000 I know, right?

01:19:25.000 Look, someone needs to do a documentary on acid because people don't realize it.

01:19:29.000 Because it was squashed out, they threw so much water on the fire, and it all died out so quickly.

01:19:33.000 We all don't realize, people who live today in 2010, what an impact acid had on the culture of the 1960s.

01:19:40.000 I mean, people really were convinced that we're all one.

01:19:42.000 The flower movement of San Francisco, the flower power movement, Those people are all on acid.

01:19:47.000 What about Disney?

01:19:49.000 I don't know.

01:19:49.000 What about Disney?

01:19:50.000 I heard Disney did that stuff.

01:19:52.000 Oh, a lot of people have done acid.

01:19:54.000 I'm sure he probably did it.

01:19:55.000 How the fuck do you come up with that crazy mouse unless you're doing acid?

01:19:58.000 It's possible.

01:19:59.000 Who knows?

01:19:59.000 I mean, you might not have, but I think a lot of people did it because there were so many people doing it, so many people reporting all these positive experiences on it that all these rich, powerful people, anyone in a position that would get in contact with these people that are doing it, these artists, they would want to try it.

01:20:12.000 You know, Ken Kesey and Timothy Leary and all those guys and Terrence McKenna, All those dudes that are, you know, doing acid back then, they all wanted other people to do it.

01:20:21.000 What's the difference between acid and mushrooms?

01:20:23.000 What's the difference?

01:20:24.000 Acid's...

01:20:24.000 LSD, yeah, it's man-made.

01:20:27.000 I mean, it does exist.

01:20:28.000 What's the difference?

01:20:28.000 It exists actually in seeds of some plants.

01:20:32.000 A Hawaiian baby wood rose, I think, has it in it.

01:20:35.000 Or it has a similar compound in it.

01:20:37.000 And there's another one in morning glory seeds.

01:20:39.000 Morning glory seeds has like a natural form of LSD. You can buy morning glory seeds and you do something to them.

01:20:45.000 There's like directions how to do it online.

01:20:47.000 You make like a paste out of it.

01:20:48.000 You pour acid on it.

01:20:48.000 No, no.

01:20:50.000 You like cook them or something and then you eat them and you trip your fucking balls off.

01:20:55.000 Really?

01:20:55.000 Terence McKenna said that his first psychedelic experience was mourning glory seeds, and then he had all this Aztec imagery, like he was looking at fucking Mayan temples and shit through the clouds in the sky.

01:21:04.000 I've heard that with a lot of things, like banana peels, licking frogs.

01:21:07.000 No, no, no, but this is real.

01:21:08.000 But isn't the banana peel thing real, too?

01:21:10.000 No, no, no.

01:21:11.000 Banana peel's not real.

01:21:12.000 No, frogs are real.

01:21:13.000 There's certain frogs that produce five MEO DMT. Yeah, they sell them on eBay.

01:21:19.000 I remember a long time ago, I was actually going to buy one just to...

01:21:22.000 To experiment with.

01:21:23.000 Do you know how to do it?

01:21:25.000 Yeah, there's a whole website devoted to it.

01:21:27.000 I didn't say that.

01:21:28.000 What I heard is that you have to rub them on glass and then their excretions are on the glass and then you dry the excretions in the sun and then you scrape it off and smoke it.

01:21:37.000 Is that what you guys did?

01:21:38.000 Probably something like that.

01:21:39.000 I didn't actually do it.

01:21:40.000 I talked to the breeder and he was just like, I'm going to have a new batch soon.

01:21:44.000 I was going to buy like three of them.

01:21:46.000 But then I was like, what am I doing?

01:21:47.000 I'm so stoned.

01:21:48.000 I'm buying frogs off eBay.

01:21:50.000 Buy frogs to trip the fuck out.

01:21:52.000 That 5-MeO experience, 5-MeO is still legal.

01:21:56.000 That's one of the weird things.

01:21:57.000 When I first did 5-MeO, we ordered it online.

01:22:00.000 5-MeO DMT. More potent than regular DMT. Psychedelic drug.

01:22:05.000 And you can just order it online.

01:22:06.000 You can get a vat of it and just smoke your fucking brains out.

01:22:10.000 It's way more powerful than mushrooms.

01:22:12.000 Way more powerful than pot.

01:22:13.000 And you can order it online.

01:22:14.000 You ever candy flipped?

01:22:15.000 That's where they take ecstasy and put...

01:22:17.000 On one side is ecstasy, on the other side is LSD. Oh my god, what are you doing to your brain, son?

01:22:21.000 It's called candy flipping.

01:22:22.000 Fuck.

01:22:24.000 I can't handle that.

01:22:26.000 See, that goes into those weird lose-your-mind-forever trips.

01:22:31.000 I blame the Grateful Dead and all that shit.

01:22:33.000 Do you think you lost some brain cells back then?

01:22:35.000 Totally, but I think I lost most brain cells with that one story I told you about where I rented this apartment and then my heat ended up being carbon dioxide from the gas furnace blowing on me for two years or a year.

01:22:45.000 Oh, that's right.

01:22:46.000 I found out the day I'm moving out and my The guy's like, you know, checking over my room, make sure I didn't destroy it.

01:22:51.000 And he goes, what the fuck?

01:22:51.000 Why is that uncovered?

01:22:52.000 I'm like, well, that's my heat.

01:22:54.000 And it was the gas outtake for the gas furnace.

01:22:56.000 It was this carbon dioxide.

01:22:57.000 You could have died.

01:22:58.000 Easy.

01:22:59.000 There's many nights where me and this girl would be like, dude, let's just sleep today.

01:23:02.000 And I'm like, okay...

01:23:03.000 But luckily it was such an old house, it was drafty, so it wasn't like airtight or something.

01:23:07.000 Dude, you were getting poisoned.

01:23:09.000 Right, I think that did the most damage.

01:23:10.000 For two years?

01:23:11.000 No, it wasn't that long.

01:23:12.000 It was actually like eight months or something like that.

01:23:14.000 Wow.

01:23:14.000 It takes one night though.

01:23:15.000 You would have been a different person.

01:23:16.000 Yeah.

01:23:17.000 I totally, looking back at that, I think I definitely got some brain damage.

01:23:21.000 Mostly with speech, I think.

01:23:22.000 Your speech got fucked up?

01:23:23.000 Yeah, I feel like stuttery since then.

01:23:25.000 Oh my God.

01:23:26.000 God!

01:23:27.000 And I should totally sue this place, but now it's like, what, 12 years later, 20 years later?

01:23:31.000 Dude, fucking sue.

01:23:31.000 Maybe the guy hit the lottery since then and now.

01:23:34.000 Doubt it.

01:23:34.000 You don't know.

01:23:35.000 Doubt it.

01:23:35.000 You could get paid, son!

01:23:37.000 I know.

01:23:37.000 Who cares?

01:23:38.000 Go get yours.

01:23:38.000 So it made you stutter.

01:23:40.000 Yeah, kind of.

01:23:41.000 I think from that, that's what I remember the most.

01:23:43.000 Holy shit.

01:23:43.000 Well, that one famous tennis player died like that.

01:23:46.000 Vetus Gerolitis.

01:23:47.000 How did he die?

01:23:48.000 In his room by carbon monoxide poisoning from a heater just a couple years ago.

01:23:54.000 Not too long ago.

01:23:55.000 One more reason to live somewhere where there's no heat, bitch.

01:23:58.000 And have electric cars.

01:23:59.000 California, how often do you need the heat in California?

01:24:01.000 Down here?

01:24:02.000 Dude, it's so hot today.

01:24:03.000 It gets hot as fuck.

01:24:04.000 But, what is better?

01:24:06.000 Hot as fuck or dry, black ice, you know?

01:24:08.000 That scares the shit out of me.

01:24:09.000 I like hot as fuck.

01:24:10.000 I like everything.

01:24:11.000 Hot as fuck to me is better than you can't control your car because the fucking...

01:24:15.000 The whole, you know, highway becomes an ice skating rink.

01:24:18.000 That's happened to me many times in Boston.

01:24:20.000 Fucking hates it.

01:24:21.000 When I grew up in Boston, I used to, I drove every day because I delivered newspapers.

01:24:25.000 When I was fighting, doing Taekwondo to make money, I would deliver newspapers during the day.

01:24:29.000 Then I would teach classes and train, and then I would go and compete.

01:24:32.000 So when I would get up in the morning, every morning at 5 a.m., a lot of times, nobody had plowed, nobody had done shit.

01:24:38.000 And I would just be on, just, I learned how to drive on, like, skating.

01:24:42.000 It was like a rink.

01:24:44.000 I would slide around corners sideways on purpose because nobody was around.

01:24:48.000 I knew how to handle it after a while.

01:24:50.000 Are you a Boston Bruins fan?

01:24:51.000 No.

01:24:51.000 I don't really like sports.

01:24:52.000 You didn't like sports, yeah.

01:24:53.000 I got bored with sports when I was young.

01:24:55.000 The moment I started doing martial arts, I thought sports were stupid.

01:24:59.000 Taekwondo.

01:24:59.000 What's the difference between that and jiu-jitsu?

01:25:01.000 Taekwondo is a striking art.

01:25:03.000 It's kicking.

01:25:03.000 Mostly kicking.

01:25:04.000 Kicking and punching, but mostly kicking.

01:25:06.000 That's what I did for most of my life.

01:25:09.000 Judo is throwing.

01:25:09.000 Yeah, we talked about that last night.

01:25:10.000 I told Ricky how to kill somebody with a leather jacket.

01:25:13.000 Just...

01:25:15.000 I'm telling them that if a dude does not understand jiu-jitsu and he's an asshole and he has a jacket on, that's why it's good to learn the gi, learn how to use the gi in jiu-jitsu.

01:25:24.000 Because, you know, a lot of times people are wearing clothes.

01:25:25.000 And if some guy is attacking you and he's got a leather jacket on, all you have to do is get your hand up in there.

01:25:30.000 Get your hand on that collar.

01:25:32.000 Deep in that collar on his neck.

01:25:33.000 And he's a dead man.

01:25:34.000 You're dead, son.

01:25:35.000 Because they're choking him.

01:25:36.000 Because I'm going to connect on the other side.

01:25:38.000 And you're going to go 90, 90, 90. That's nice.

01:25:40.000 90, 90, 90, son.

01:25:42.000 That's all I need to know.

01:25:42.000 I just need to know that.

01:25:43.000 I'll teach you that room.

01:25:46.000 And then you just fuck with skiers all day.

01:25:47.000 My bitch!

01:25:49.000 Come up here with them big shoes on, bitch!

01:25:51.000 Hang out snow loud.

01:25:52.000 Just...

01:25:53.000 But judo is the scariest thing if a guy's got clothes on.

01:25:56.000 You get in there with some fucking Jimmy Pedro type character, some Olympic judoka.

01:26:01.000 They grab ahold of your clothes, man.

01:26:02.000 You're going sailing through the air and coming down on your fucking head on the concrete.

01:26:07.000 That's no joke, man.

01:26:08.000 Is karate pretty useless nowadays?

01:26:10.000 No, no.

01:26:11.000 Karate's definitely not useless.

01:26:12.000 There's a lot of...

01:26:13.000 If you get a black belt in karate, though...

01:26:14.000 No, it depends on who you're getting it from.

01:26:16.000 And there's a ton of different styles of karate.

01:26:18.000 And even within those styles, there's instructors that are much more pure with their technique.

01:26:25.000 They're better.

01:26:26.000 They've competed in international and world tournaments.

01:26:30.000 You're always going to get levels.

01:26:32.000 There's karate guys like Machida.

01:26:34.000 Machida's a bad motherfucker, and his base is karate.

01:26:37.000 And he does the best things about karate.

01:26:39.000 He's got a wide stance.

01:26:40.000 He stays back on the outside.

01:26:42.000 He counterattacks.

01:26:43.000 He knows how to leap in and leap out.

01:26:44.000 Very difficult to time because of that, and very good at leaping in, almost like a fencer, and tagging people.

01:26:49.000 He fucks people up, man.

01:26:50.000 And that's karate he's using, for real.

01:26:53.000 But he's excellent at it.

01:26:54.000 That's the thing.

01:26:55.000 It's like karate is not the best martial art, but if you get really good at karate and then learn the other shit, you learn Muay Thai, how to check kicks, how to throw knees, how to take a guy down and choke him.

01:27:05.000 You learn some jiu-jitsu techniques.

01:27:07.000 Fireballs.

01:27:08.000 Fireball.

01:27:10.000 Fatality.

01:27:11.000 If you learn all that stuff, you can add to it, but the thing about karate that makes it interesting is that not that many people are doing it.

01:27:18.000 So if you get a guy who's a really good...

01:27:20.000 There's a bunch of different styles, but Kyokushin is one that's a real good one, and Shotokan's another one.

01:27:26.000 The Shotokan guys tend to be more like leap in and leap back.

01:27:29.000 I like drunken.

01:27:30.000 Drunken monkey style?

01:27:31.000 Yeah, that shit's awesome.

01:27:33.000 Yeah, drunken monkey kung fu?

01:27:34.000 That's real.

01:27:35.000 I love that shit, dude.

01:27:36.000 Well, the Chinese tried everything, man.

01:27:38.000 They tried all kinds of different fucking animal forms and grasshopper and attack like a praying mantis and fucking poke you with your fingers and shit.

01:27:45.000 Chinese were like the most innovative coming up with different techniques for fighting.

01:27:49.000 What about just old school wrestling?

01:27:50.000 Like, you know, Roman, Greco-Roman wrestling.

01:27:55.000 Is that like jiu-jitsu though?

01:27:57.000 Well, it is in the fact that it's grappling.

01:27:59.000 It is in the fact that you're still controlling a person's body.

01:28:02.000 But the intent is different.

01:28:04.000 There's no end point.

01:28:05.000 It's back.

01:28:06.000 Well, it is.

01:28:06.000 They beat the fuck out of you once they hold you down.

01:28:08.000 The thing about a wrestler is once they get you on your back, you're fucked.

01:28:12.000 They're used to.

01:28:13.000 Their whole life has been dedicated to holding guys down.

01:28:15.000 And putting their shoulders to getting them.

01:28:16.000 Yeah, so when they get on top of you and they're punching you, they're holding you down and they're punching you and they're beating the fuck out of you.

01:28:21.000 Some of the most dangerous fighters in the world are wrestlers because of the fact they have the ability to dictate where the fight takes place.

01:28:28.000 If they decide to take you down, they take you down.

01:28:30.000 And if you want to take them down, you can't.

01:28:31.000 They're better at wrestling than you.

01:28:33.000 So you're fucked.

01:28:33.000 So you have to do what they want to do.

01:28:35.000 If he wants to fight on the ground, you have to fight on the ground.

01:28:37.000 If he wants to stand up, you have to stand up.

01:28:38.000 It's a huge advantage.

01:28:40.000 Matt Hamill?

01:28:41.000 Is that his name?

01:28:42.000 Yeah.

01:28:42.000 He's a wrestler.

01:28:43.000 Yes, definitely.

01:28:44.000 Wrestling's a big part of MMA. And Brock Lesnar was a wrestler.

01:28:49.000 It's his number one skill.

01:28:50.000 Brock is learning submissions.

01:28:51.000 He's getting better at submissions.

01:28:52.000 He's an incredible athlete.

01:28:54.000 He's learning striking.

01:28:55.000 He's getting better at it.

01:28:56.000 But his number one skill is wrestling.

01:28:57.000 Number one for sure.

01:28:58.000 So he's really good at taking guys down.

01:29:01.000 He's a big, powerful, fucking athletic guy who's got excellent wrestling technique.

01:29:04.000 He's learning all the other stuff.

01:29:06.000 Wrestling's number one.

01:29:06.000 That's the base.

01:29:07.000 It's the base.

01:29:08.000 Yeah, you just gotta understand jiu-jitsu so you don't get trapped, you don't get caught in certain techniques.

01:29:12.000 Because some guys are fucking dangerous off their back.

01:29:14.000 Like Eddie, Eddie's very dangerous off his back.

01:29:17.000 Whenever I roll with Eddie, I only roll with him not that often.

01:29:20.000 But every time, I think I'm safe when he's on his back and he catches me with something.

01:29:25.000 It's like his legs are so dexterous.

01:29:27.000 He really knows the insides and outsides of each and every position.

01:29:31.000 But a lot of guys don't have that.

01:29:33.000 There's only a few guys.

01:29:34.000 Fabricio Verdun, the guy who just tapped out Fedor, he's got that to an even higher level.

01:29:39.000 His guard is nasty.

01:29:40.000 There's guys that you can't get comfortable with.

01:29:43.000 If you're on top of them, you can't get comfortable with.

01:29:46.000 They're always attacking, they're always setting you up, and they're always moving one step ahead of you.

01:29:50.000 You zig when you should have zagged all the time.

01:29:52.000 Bang!

01:29:53.000 You got a triangle locked on, motherfucker.

01:29:54.000 You're fucked!

01:29:55.000 And then you're trying to battle out of it, but he knows which way you're going to go.

01:29:58.000 Because if you go that way, he's going to counter you by holding your leg and pulling that up.

01:30:01.000 And then he attacks your arm, then he attacks the triangle.

01:30:04.000 Next thing you know, you're fucked.

01:30:05.000 Because he's just got this high-level shit.

01:30:07.000 But unless you're fighting those guys, most wrestlers are going to be able to pin a guy down and hold him down.

01:30:13.000 It's a huge skill to have.

01:30:15.000 I mean, you must outweigh Eddie by 40 pounds?

01:30:17.000 No, not that much.

01:30:18.000 I think Eddie's like 170. I'm like 185. I think Eddie's like 165. I bet you he's 165. So what do you have?

01:30:24.000 I'm 185, 190. So 25 pounds.

01:30:27.000 Yeah, and I'm a lot stronger than him.

01:30:28.000 He still taps me.

01:30:29.000 Yeah, you're big.

01:30:29.000 Yeah, I can't tap him.

01:30:30.000 I've never tapped him.

01:30:31.000 I don't think I've ever even come close.

01:30:33.000 Well.

01:30:33.000 I've only made him struggle.

01:30:35.000 He's a master.

01:30:35.000 I've made him like...

01:30:36.000 One day will you?

01:30:39.000 Who knows.

01:30:40.000 Is he ticklish?

01:30:40.000 Most likely he'll tap me again.

01:30:42.000 I don't put nearly as much time into it as he does.

01:30:44.000 He teaches classes every day and he trains every day.

01:30:46.000 You know, he's training when he teaches classes four nights a week.

01:30:49.000 He's got a knee injury right now, so he's not training.

01:30:51.000 But when he does, he's always rolling.

01:30:53.000 He rolls constantly.

01:30:54.000 If I'm lucky, I'll get three days a weekend.

01:30:56.000 You know, if I'm lucky.

01:30:57.000 And teaching, too.

01:30:58.000 Teaching, a lot of guys, like there's a dude named Brent at our school who was really good, but then he started teaching and he became great.

01:31:03.000 There's something about teaching people when you really dissect the techniques.

01:31:07.000 Like, they say that one of the best ways to improve your jiu-jitsu game is to teach it to somebody else.

01:31:11.000 Is that that tall, light-skinned, black guy?

01:31:13.000 No, Brent is a heavyset white guy.

01:31:15.000 Okay.

01:31:16.000 Big, really smart dude.

01:31:18.000 And he's a brown belt under Eddie.

01:31:20.000 And he's a high-level brown belt.

01:31:22.000 When he first started out, he was just a regular guy.

01:31:24.000 You know, just another dude who, you know, always good.

01:31:26.000 He was talented.

01:31:27.000 But when he started teaching, all of a sudden he started taking off.

01:31:30.000 You know, he's a handful.

01:31:31.000 Very dangerous guy.

01:31:32.000 Hmm.

01:31:33.000 Every time I roll with them, I'm like, whoa.

01:31:34.000 Is there certain guys that you roll with where you just got to watch your fucking P's and Q's?

01:31:38.000 This guy's trying to kill you.

01:31:39.000 One thing I learned real quick was you're either all in or all out.

01:31:42.000 Two hands in or two hands out.

01:31:44.000 If you got one hand in, if you're on top and you put one hand in, they can somehow grab your arm and trap it.

01:31:54.000 Yeah.

01:31:55.000 So you've got to be all in, right?

01:31:57.000 Yeah.

01:31:57.000 Is that true?

01:31:58.000 Yes, but even all in, you've got to be careful.

01:32:00.000 If you get a guy like Fabricio Verdun and he controls both your wrists, you're fucked.

01:32:04.000 You've got a lot of problems because he's going to attack both ways.

01:32:07.000 And as you defend one way, he's going to attack the other way.

01:32:10.000 If he controls your wrists at all, you're fucked.

01:32:12.000 It's very important that you get wrist control.

01:32:14.000 Jiu-jitsu is such a tactical, fun thing to do because as you do it, it's very frustrating.

01:32:20.000 It's almost like, remember when you started doing stand-up comedy and you said the frustrating thing is that there's no end to this.

01:32:25.000 It's like it's going to go on forever.

01:32:26.000 It's going to take forever to get good at it.

01:32:29.000 It's just a lot of devotion to something that you're going to have to go on forever doing.

01:32:35.000 It's going to take forever.

01:32:36.000 You see a guy like Joey Diaz, how the fuck am I ever going to get that good?

01:32:39.000 It's going to take 15 years for me to get that good.

01:32:41.000 I'm too old for that now.

01:32:42.000 That's the same feeling with jiu-jitsu.

01:32:44.000 When you first start out, you have to enjoy each little miniature battle that you win, every new lesson that you learn.

01:32:50.000 But the most humbling thing about it is as you do it, you realize how little you know.

01:32:54.000 There's so many guys that are so much better.

01:32:56.000 I'm decent, but there's so many guys that...

01:32:59.000 We were all talking about Marcelo Garcia last night.

01:33:01.000 He's one of the best, probably the best grappler in the world.

01:33:04.000 Really technical.

01:33:06.000 Not like this brutish, powerful guy, but just all technique.

01:33:09.000 And he's just...

01:33:10.000 Brazilian dude super super smart doing super nice guy too and just fucks everybody up And there's videos of him online just smashing guys.

01:33:18.000 Just taking these really high-level wrestlers, really tough guys, and just running through them.

01:33:22.000 Just choking them.

01:33:23.000 Choking the fuck out of them.

01:33:24.000 Oh, he's a judo guy?

01:33:24.000 No, he's a jiu-jitsu guy.

01:33:25.000 Jiu-jitsu guy, okay.

01:33:26.000 Over and over and over again.

01:33:27.000 Watch this guy just running through people.

01:33:30.000 When I'm in full guard, when somebody's got me, when I'm above someone and they've got me, is it called they've got me in full guard?

01:33:37.000 They've got you in the guard.

01:33:38.000 They've got me in the guard.

01:33:39.000 I don't even have a good move yet to break out of the guard to get on side control.

01:33:43.000 You don't know that?

01:33:43.000 Well, you'll learn.

01:33:44.000 I can show you some stuff.

01:33:45.000 There's a bunch of different techniques.

01:33:47.000 Do you have a few go-to moves?

01:33:48.000 Yeah.

01:33:49.000 Buy a gun.

01:33:50.000 Buy a gun.

01:33:52.000 It's a game, man.

01:33:54.000 It's a game.

01:33:54.000 If you treat it like Penn and Teller did this thing on martial arts where they said that you're better off saving your money and then giving it to the mugger.

01:34:02.000 Saving the money that you would...

01:34:03.000 But it's not about not getting mugged.

01:34:05.000 What martial arts are about is it's a very difficult thing that makes your character stronger.

01:34:11.000 When you learn martial arts, what you're doing is you're doing this incredibly difficult thing, and when you do that, you learn about yourself, and other things become easier.

01:34:19.000 Yeah, and it's humbling, man.

01:34:20.000 Yeah, it's very humbling.

01:34:21.000 It's humbling when some guys, you know, you look at them, it doesn't look like much, but man, you're tapping now.

01:34:27.000 Yeah.

01:34:28.000 It's humbling.

01:34:29.000 Dude, it's a freaky feeling.

01:34:31.000 It's a freaky feeling to have guys dominate you.

01:34:33.000 And it's a freaky feeling to dominate guys, too.

01:34:35.000 It's a weird feeling.

01:34:35.000 Much better feeling.

01:34:36.000 It is better, but it's weird to feel people nervous and freaking out.

01:34:40.000 Like, when they first start doing it and shit, and there's like, you know, they think they're tough guys, and they realize, like, you're closing in.

01:34:46.000 Like, this is getting to a position where, fuck, I'm not getting out of this.

01:34:48.000 You know, you've got the dude mounted, and he's bucking, and he's trying to explode all his energy, but every time you do it, you counter.

01:34:53.000 Nope, not going anywhere.

01:34:55.000 Right.

01:34:55.000 Not going anywhere.

01:34:56.000 Anyway, stay here.

01:34:58.000 Squash you.

01:34:59.000 And you start slowly squishing them and squashing them.

01:35:01.000 And you feel them panicking.

01:35:02.000 You feel them start to freak out.

01:35:04.000 They don't want to admit that you're going to kill them.

01:35:06.000 But that's really what it is.

01:35:07.000 They have to tap out and they have to say, okay, you're just going to kill me.

01:35:11.000 Thank you for not killing me.

01:35:12.000 And then you go again.

01:35:13.000 It's the craziest game ever.

01:35:15.000 And as you get better at it, you understand that it's really all about focus and energy and trying to put all the techniques together.

01:35:24.000 But then once you get them all together, like once you drill them all and you get them as a part of your repertoire, then it just becomes this crazy zen thing where you don't even know what you're doing when you're doing it.

01:35:31.000 While you're countering and attacking and everything, it all plays itself out.

01:35:37.000 It's like you drill, you drill techniques to a certain point, or when you're rolling, they all just come out natural.

01:35:42.000 Then it's crazy fun.

01:35:43.000 Then it's really fun.

01:35:44.000 Especially when you go in with another guy who's really good too, because you're just battling back and forth and countering back and forth and you don't even have time to think.

01:35:51.000 You're not thinking about your bills, you're not thinking about shit.

01:35:53.000 No.

01:35:54.000 You're not thinking about, you know, your dog.

01:35:55.000 You're not thinking about your tire.

01:35:57.000 You're focused right now.

01:35:58.000 You're there in that moment, but like in a zen way, where you're not even thinking about yourself.

01:36:03.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:36:03.000 Because it's so difficult, you don't have the time to wander on your bullshit.

01:36:07.000 You have to keep your eye on this guy who's trying to choke the fuck out of you.

01:36:11.000 I get it.

01:36:12.000 You know?

01:36:12.000 Have you been, Brian?

01:36:13.000 No, no.

01:36:14.000 I just...

01:36:14.000 Not for you?

01:36:15.000 I like croquet.

01:36:16.000 It's not for him.

01:36:17.000 He likes cats.

01:36:18.000 Cats and croquet.

01:36:19.000 I'm sorry.

01:36:21.000 It's not for everybody, man, but I knew it would be for you.

01:36:24.000 I'm glad you're doing it.

01:36:25.000 I knew it would be for you.

01:36:26.000 Totally love it, man.

01:36:27.000 Loving it.

01:36:28.000 Especially when you tell me stories.

01:36:29.000 We went to dinner over at his house and he tells me stories about trying to jack dudes and fucking backing up into them on the highway and getting crazy.

01:36:35.000 On Venice Beach is the story I told you about.

01:36:37.000 Yeah, you told me that story too.

01:36:38.000 I'm with my wife and kids going down Venice Beach and I'm on a bike and this other kid on a skateboard, 20 years old, we kind of bumped into each other by accident.

01:36:47.000 Nobody's fault.

01:36:48.000 And so we kind of untangled from each other and I decided to go on my way.

01:36:52.000 And as he's leaving, he's like, you know, stupid motherfucker, get out of my way next time.

01:36:56.000 And he's like 20 years old.

01:36:58.000 And I'm like, fuck you, asshole.

01:37:01.000 And immediately he turns around and he's like, I challenged him, I guess, by saying that.

01:37:07.000 And immediately he turns around, but he's got like four friends with him, all 20 years old.

01:37:11.000 And my wife is like, Rick, you're such a dick for responding to that.

01:37:17.000 And I'm like, well, how can I not?

01:37:19.000 I mean, the kid's 20 years old, I'm 40, you don't treat people like that, you know, in the world.

01:37:24.000 But you gotta recognize, I understand that, but you gotta recognize that these kids, a lot of them have nothing to lose, and their reputation means too much.

01:37:32.000 Totally.

01:37:32.000 The reputation means anything.

01:37:34.000 So if you're not around kids like that, if you challenge a kid like that, a lot of us have to fight.

01:37:38.000 I didn't consciously, though, do it.

01:37:40.000 It was instinctual just to respond.

01:37:42.000 Of course, man.

01:37:43.000 I'm the worst.

01:37:44.000 I'm Captain Caveman.

01:37:45.000 When I get any issue like that, I have to fight off every normal, natural instinct.

01:37:50.000 That's my biggest weakness, actually, is sometimes just reacting instead of responding.

01:37:57.000 Legally, it's not an issue, I don't think, because he's fucking with you.

01:38:00.000 He's starting with you.

01:38:01.000 That's not the issue, but the issue is your health and safety.

01:38:04.000 They can stab you or hurt you.

01:38:07.000 Well, it doesn't matter, for sure.

01:38:10.000 Really, not even jujitsu, because you don't want to grapple with a guy like that.

01:38:13.000 You want to fucking one-to him.

01:38:15.000 You want to put him to sleep and then charge at the next guy and just let him know, this is how quick I can put this dude to sleep.

01:38:20.000 I'm going to get you next.

01:38:22.000 Because that's the last thing anybody wants is one dude knocking out everybody.

01:38:26.000 So, if you have to attack somebody, you're way better off learning how to strike.

01:38:31.000 You don't want to go, yeah, watch me pull guard, bitch!

01:38:35.000 The other three dudes are fucking soccer kicking you in the dick.

01:38:39.000 It's not the best thing to learn.

01:38:41.000 If there's a bunch of people, the best thing to have is fast fucking hands.

01:38:44.000 They'll be able to just light somebody up.

01:38:46.000 Because if you one-two somebody, especially in the street, especially if they don't know how to fight, when that punch actually lands, and their eyes roll back in their head, they're not even going to expect, A, that you're going to be able to hit them that hard, B, that you're going to be able to do it that quick.

01:39:00.000 Most dudes have never really boxed.

01:39:01.000 They've never really been punched.

01:39:03.000 So if you can just find one dude and just put that dude to sleep, the other guy's going to go, oh, fuck this, and then you can get them to scatter.

01:39:10.000 But if you try to do some jujitsu...

01:39:12.000 They should have a movie like The Karate Kid, but for Jiu Jitsu, like The Jiu Jitsu Kid, where the guy's just really good at Jiu Jitsu, like this little kid.

01:39:18.000 Could make it more like a...

01:39:20.000 Because Jiu Jitsu...

01:39:21.000 Jiu Jitsu Kid.

01:39:23.000 Martial art, it's kind of weird.

01:39:25.000 It's a real...

01:39:26.000 Jiu Jitsu's a real martial art in the sense that you can defeat a much bigger, stronger, more athletic person.

01:39:33.000 It's very hard to do that with striking.

01:39:34.000 But you can.

01:39:35.000 It can be done.

01:39:36.000 If a guy's an elite striker and he's facing a guy who's not an elite striker that's much larger...

01:39:39.000 Dan Henderson, right?

01:39:40.000 Elite striker?

01:39:41.000 Dan Henderson is really a wrestler.

01:39:42.000 He's a very powerful striker, but he's not in the line of, say, Anderson Silva.

01:39:46.000 Anderson Silva's like an elite striker.

01:39:48.000 He's a guy who really knows the intricacies of the stand-up game.

01:39:52.000 Dan Henderson does as well, but he's more known as a wrestler.

01:39:55.000 Because I saw him take out that British guy with a one punch.

01:39:59.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:59.000 Well, he can knock anybody out with one punch.

01:40:01.000 Is it Bisping?

01:40:01.000 Yeah, he's got super power in his hands.

01:40:03.000 He can knock anybody out.

01:40:04.000 He knocked out Vandele Silva with one punch.

01:40:05.000 He's knocked out a lot of guys with one punch.

01:40:08.000 But he's not known as a striker.

01:40:10.000 Right.

01:40:10.000 He's not known as a technical striker.

01:40:12.000 What about Chuck Liddell?

01:40:14.000 He's known as a striker?

01:40:15.000 He's a striker, yeah.

01:40:16.000 Is he fighting again?

01:40:18.000 I don't know.

01:40:19.000 I think he hasn't made a decision.

01:40:20.000 I bet he will.

01:40:20.000 You think so?

01:40:21.000 Yeah.

01:40:22.000 Maybe.

01:40:24.000 Your time becomes up.

01:40:27.000 When it's up, it's up.

01:40:29.000 He had one of the greatest careers of all time.

01:40:31.000 I just think at a certain point in time, you have to be concerned about your health.

01:40:35.000 You know, you have to be concerned about, you know, how many knockouts you take and, you know, concerned about your future.

01:40:40.000 You have this fucking incredible, amazing career.

01:40:42.000 The problem is, you know, you have that kind of fire burning inside you.

01:40:46.000 It's very difficult to turn that shit off.

01:40:48.000 You know, very, very, very, very, very difficult to turn that shit off.

01:40:52.000 Those guys, like, you know, they're not, their whole fucking system is wired for competition.

01:40:58.000 Whole system is wired for combat, for the moment, for getting to that cage under the bright lights and performing.

01:41:03.000 You know, their whole self-esteem is based on, you know, their ability to rise to a place that most men can never get to.

01:41:08.000 You think they could transfer that easily though?

01:41:10.000 Like start playing video games or start doing something else?

01:41:13.000 I don't think we as civilians could ever possibly understand the highs that it must be when Chuck Liddell fucking throws his arm back and pushes his chest out and screams after he knocks people out.

01:41:27.000 Like after he knocked Randy Couture out.

01:41:29.000 I mean Randy Couture is one of the baddest motherfuckers on the planet.

01:41:31.000 And he connects.

01:41:32.000 Bam!

01:41:32.000 And Randy goes down.

01:41:34.000 That high is probably cocaine times a billion.

01:41:37.000 It's probably insane.

01:41:39.000 He probably never feels more alive.

01:41:41.000 He probably never feels more energetic, more fulfilled.

01:41:46.000 This incredible eight-week training camp, every day waking up for this one moment, and finally it comes against one of the baddest motherfuckers on the planet in front of 16,000 people in a fucking arena, and everybody's going crazy, and your punch connects.

01:42:00.000 Yeah.

01:42:02.000 They live for that moment.

01:42:03.000 Yeah, they live for it.

01:42:04.000 The Iceman!

01:42:08.000 The dog goes nutty and they strap the belt on him.

01:42:11.000 And then they ask him, you know, so what's next?

01:42:13.000 Anybody.

01:42:13.000 I don't care.

01:42:14.000 I'll fight anybody.

01:42:14.000 I'll fight anybody in the world.

01:42:15.000 I like to fight.

01:42:19.000 It's hard to step down from that, I think.

01:42:21.000 I think that's a...

01:42:22.000 Well, it's probably a high like you have in comedy.

01:42:24.000 No.

01:42:25.000 Not even close.

01:42:26.000 No, comedy's more just fun.

01:42:27.000 We're having a good time.

01:42:28.000 But you must get a high.

01:42:30.000 Yes, sure.

01:42:30.000 You have fun.

01:42:31.000 It's a different kind of high, though.

01:42:33.000 It's not nearly as crazy.

01:42:36.000 It's not nearly as primal.

01:42:38.000 It's more fun, enjoyable, everybody having a positive experience together.

01:42:41.000 We're all partying.

01:42:42.000 We're all having a...

01:42:43.000 A good time.

01:42:44.000 You know, I'm telling you some comedy.

01:42:45.000 You're laughing.

01:42:46.000 We're enjoying our time together.

01:42:47.000 It's all fun.

01:42:48.000 Fighting is much more, you know, you trying to master something.

01:42:52.000 It just so happens there's an audience there watching it, but it's a totally different experience.

01:42:56.000 Very inward.

01:42:57.000 You trying to overcome some guy's physical strengths and, you know, impose your will on them and impose your conditioning and your preparation on them.

01:43:03.000 It's like...

01:43:04.000 Way crazier.

01:43:06.000 Comedy is like everyday normal bullshit.

01:43:08.000 To me, I can go on stage right now.

01:43:10.000 If there was an open mic right next door and then while we're doing the podcast somebody said, hey Joe, you want to do 10 minutes?

01:43:15.000 I'm like, yeah, I'll go up.

01:43:16.000 Come on, I'll go up.

01:43:17.000 I'll just go up and start fucking up.

01:43:19.000 What's up?

01:43:19.000 What's going on?

01:43:20.000 I'll just start doing stand-up.

01:43:21.000 Just going into my act.

01:43:22.000 I couldn't go fight.

01:43:24.000 I couldn't say, hey, do you want a cage fight in 10 minutes?

01:43:27.000 I'd be like, no, I need like 10 months and I've got to talk to my mom.

01:43:31.000 Yeah.

01:43:31.000 Fucking get a nutritionist, man.

01:43:33.000 I've got to make sure my strength and conditioning program's in order.

01:43:35.000 Fuck, who am I fighting?

01:43:36.000 Is he a striker, a wrestler?

01:43:37.000 I've got to prepare my strategy.

01:43:39.000 I don't want to fight a striker.

01:43:40.000 I don't want to get fucked up.

01:43:42.000 It's way scarier.

01:43:43.000 Are you going to fight?

01:43:43.000 No.

01:43:44.000 Why not?

01:43:45.000 Because it's not healthy.

01:43:47.000 You must want to fight.

01:43:50.000 You must want to fight to do it.

01:43:51.000 I did a lot of competition, martial arts competition when I was young, where I enjoyed it, but I got out of it without any complications physically because of injuries or knockouts or anything like that.

01:44:01.000 But I knew people who did.

01:44:02.000 I knew people who had complications.

01:44:04.000 I knew people who had brain damage, for sure, from boxing.

01:44:07.000 And it's compromised how they talk.

01:44:10.000 It's compromised how they can think and make reasonable decisions.

01:44:13.000 I've met people like that.

01:44:15.000 I don't think there's anything wrong with fighting.

01:44:17.000 We're not going to live forever.

01:44:18.000 And I think every man should be allowed to make his own decisions as to what he wants to do and how long he wants to compete.

01:44:24.000 How many knockouts he wants to take and how much risk he wants to put his body.

01:44:27.000 It's up to you.

01:44:27.000 It's your choice.

01:44:28.000 Why is it that you can go and do motorcycle riding?

01:44:31.000 You can run between the fucking lanes and traffic, and that's okay.

01:44:35.000 But a guy can't get knocked out more than three times?

01:44:38.000 He can do whatever the fuck you want.

01:44:40.000 But for me, I think if you were going to put yourself at risk, there should be an end point to it.

01:44:48.000 And to me, it's like, what am I going to do?

01:44:49.000 Am I going to be the best guy in the world?

01:44:51.000 No.

01:44:52.000 Am I going to win a couple of fights?

01:44:53.000 What's that going to prove?

01:44:54.000 Well, you know, the thrill of competition.

01:44:56.000 And maybe getting your fucking face broken again.

01:45:01.000 I've had my nose fixed recently, and it's fucking awesome.

01:45:03.000 I love having my nose again.

01:45:05.000 It's great.

01:45:05.000 My whole life I had a fucked up, jammed up nose.

01:45:08.000 I broke my nose, fallen down a flight of stairs when I was five, and then I've been kicked and punched in the face I don't know how many times my whole life.

01:45:14.000 So it was all fucked up.

01:45:15.000 But what's cool is you don't have anything to prove.

01:45:17.000 We don't need to.

01:45:18.000 Because you are tough.

01:45:20.000 But that's silly.

01:45:21.000 There's a lot of people out there that can kick my ass.

01:45:23.000 The needing to prove thing should all be...

01:45:25.000 No one should need to prove anything.

01:45:27.000 And if you do need to prove something to you, you need to just find out more about yourself.

01:45:31.000 When you need to prove something, like there's guys out there that are trying to start fights or guys that are...

01:45:34.000 People that have a chip on their shoulder.

01:45:36.000 What they need to do is get more...

01:45:39.000 Positive experiences in their life.

01:45:40.000 Get more things where they've conquered their emotions and accomplished a goal that seemed really difficult to do and they understand more about themselves.

01:45:48.000 And that's one of the things about MMA fighters, some of the best guys in the world, they're super friendly.

01:45:54.000 George St. Pierre is one of the nicest people I have ever met in my life.

01:45:58.000 And he's one of the baddest motherfuckers pound for pound on the planet.

01:46:01.000 Insane.

01:46:01.000 He's so kind and so friendly and genuine.

01:46:05.000 And the reason is he doesn't have anything to prove to anybody.

01:46:07.000 He proves it to himself in competition.

01:46:09.000 He proves it to himself in training.

01:46:11.000 He proves it to himself with discipline.

01:46:14.000 Forcing himself to do the hard work to become great.

01:46:16.000 And he is great and recognized as great.

01:46:18.000 So because of that he's like balanced.

01:46:20.000 And he's like super healthy, super calm person to be around.

01:46:23.000 A couple years ago I watched him fight against that Brazilian guy.

01:46:26.000 And it was a great fight.

01:46:28.000 Tiago Silva?

01:46:29.000 And I think it was.

01:46:29.000 Or Tiago Alves, rather.

01:46:30.000 Excuse me.

01:46:31.000 Yeah.

01:46:31.000 The multi-striker?

01:46:32.000 Yeah.

01:46:33.000 And that guy was strong.

01:46:34.000 Oh, yeah.

01:46:35.000 And he couldn't submit him.

01:46:36.000 Tiago Alves is a monster.

01:46:37.000 St. Pierre couldn't submit him.

01:46:38.000 No.

01:46:38.000 He went the distance.

01:46:39.000 Yeah.

01:46:40.000 Alves, he's a beast, but he has a problem making weight.

01:46:43.000 Didn't make weight for his last fight.

01:46:44.000 Again, rematch with John Fitch, and he didn't look that good physically.

01:46:48.000 He looked like he was a little hurt by the weight cut consistently.

01:46:52.000 Because he's so big in real life.

01:46:53.000 He's supposed to fight at 170, but he walks around over 200. Oh my gosh.

01:46:58.000 So he's cutting.

01:46:58.000 He's dehydrating himself like 30 pounds.

01:47:00.000 And then trying to replenish himself.

01:47:03.000 And there's going to be a point of diminishing returns.

01:47:08.000 Where you cut so much weight and you dehydrate yourself so much that your performance is going to suffer.

01:47:13.000 He's just so big.

01:47:15.000 He was giant.

01:47:16.000 These guys are giant.

01:47:17.000 For 170, they're gigantic.

01:47:19.000 He's a fucking bull of a man.

01:47:22.000 He's just got to lose some weight.

01:47:23.000 He's got to lose some muscle.

01:47:24.000 He's got too much.

01:47:25.000 What's so funny?

01:47:26.000 He's a bull of a man.

01:47:28.000 That's what he is.

01:47:28.000 He's like a bull.

01:47:30.000 He is a bull.

01:47:31.000 What would you call him?

01:47:32.000 The rhino.

01:47:33.000 What would you call him?

01:47:34.000 A very nice gentleman.

01:47:36.000 A nice gentleman?

01:47:36.000 Yeah, he's a nice gentleman of flavor of muscles.

01:47:38.000 I saw this picture of a chimp carrying fruit.

01:47:41.000 It was an old female chimp and she had fruit in her hands and fruit in her feet and she's like carrying like these things and she's like flexing and I looked and I'm like holy fuck have you ever seen like a full grown male chimpanzee or female chimpanzee full grown how big their fucking arms are?

01:47:58.000 Totally.

01:47:58.000 Holy shit, that's scary.

01:48:00.000 Just muscle?

01:48:01.000 Gigantic.

01:48:02.000 Her arms were gigantic.

01:48:04.000 And they're that crazy sinewy chimp muscle, too, which is nothing like human muscle.

01:48:09.000 It's a fucking trippy photograph when you realize that chimp could just beat the fuck out of you anytime she wants.

01:48:16.000 Ate that girl's face off?

01:48:17.000 That was brutal.

01:48:18.000 We talk about chimps every week.

01:48:19.000 My friend went to Sturgis, this motorcycle rally, Joe.

01:48:23.000 And the whole time she's there, I think like four or five people died within like two days.

01:48:29.000 And the guys, the people at the thing say, you know, this happens every year.

01:48:32.000 People die like almost every day.

01:48:34.000 And the last day she was there, this guy was doing where they rev up the engines really fast or whatever.

01:48:40.000 I forget what it's called, but it's like they're just revving up their engines really fast.

01:48:43.000 Something happened and his motorcycle blew up.

01:48:48.000 You know what I'm thinking?

01:48:51.000 This is how dangerous motorcycles are.

01:48:53.000 How many people die at this motorcycle thing, but yet there was a car show every day for the last 50 years in Burbank and no one's ever died at a car show.

01:49:00.000 Well, the thing about those motorcycle shows is that a lot of those dudes, they get crazy and they want to show off for each other.

01:49:06.000 They start standing on their bikes.

01:49:07.000 You ever seen guys surf with their motorcycle?

01:49:09.000 Yeah.

01:49:10.000 There was this old dude who was a motorcycle maker.

01:49:11.000 I forget his name.

01:49:12.000 He's a famous guy.

01:49:13.000 But he was famous for being able to ride his motorcycle like a surfboard.

01:49:16.000 So he'd get that bitch on the highway, level it out, straighten it out, and then stand on top of it.

01:49:20.000 And he was fucking standing there, and he fell.

01:49:23.000 He fell.

01:49:24.000 And that's a wrap, son!

01:49:26.000 You kind of deserve what you get when you're doing that.

01:49:28.000 Well, no helmet, too.

01:49:29.000 Oh.

01:49:30.000 No helmet?

01:49:31.000 Excuse me?

01:49:32.000 So stupid.

01:49:33.000 So he's just living out there on the edge, and he just lost it.

01:49:36.000 And maybe that's the way he wanted to go.

01:49:37.000 Who knows?

01:49:38.000 And everybody kind of recognized it.

01:49:41.000 People didn't make fun of him and say, oh, you fucking idiot.

01:49:43.000 That's what you deserved.

01:49:44.000 Everybody said, hey, he died doing what he loved.

01:49:46.000 I guess.

01:49:47.000 Okay.

01:49:48.000 I mean, you know, really, realistically, what, are you going to live forever?

01:49:51.000 I like those new motorcycles that look like snowmobiles.

01:49:54.000 Oh, yeah.

01:49:55.000 Those things are crazy looking.

01:49:56.000 Is it one in the rear and two in the front?

01:49:58.000 Is that what it is?

01:49:59.000 Yeah.

01:50:00.000 Something like that.

01:50:00.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:50:01.000 It's so weird looking.

01:50:02.000 It looks like a snowmobile.

01:50:03.000 Have you seen that?

01:50:03.000 I've seen that.

01:50:04.000 It's supposed to be wicked fast, too.

01:50:05.000 Yeah.

01:50:06.000 You see that Ariel Adam?

01:50:08.000 Have you ever seen that thing?

01:50:09.000 It's like a car.

The Joe Rogan Experience - August 24, 2010

Joe Rogan Experience #37 - Ricky Schroder

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Summary

Transcript