On this episode of Three To Five, the boys talk about the earthquake in Haiti, how the internet has changed the way we live our lives, and how dumb people can be. Also, we talk about American Idol and how it sucks.
00:08:18.000Anyway, we're just talking about the internet being an awesome...
00:08:24.000I mean, to be able to communicate with people directly like this, to be able to get the answers to any question at any time, to me, it's the greatest fucking thing in the world.
00:08:33.000I spend most of my day staring at a screen, reading stories, watching fucking YouTube videos.
00:08:40.000I swear I've learned more from the internet, more from just being on message boards than I ever have from, you know, from other shit.
00:08:48.000I've gotten into all sorts of different subjects because of message boards, you know, and wound up, you know, being fans of musicians and comedians and people I would have never heard of if it wasn't for message boards.
00:09:06.000But it's just more people interested in the same things I like and get to know them better on the internet.
00:09:11.000Yeah, well, the internet allows you, when someone posts for a long time, like you watch, especially a message board community, you get to see how they interact with other people.
00:09:19.000You get to see what happens when they're challenged on their ideas.
00:11:16.000Dude, if you watch American Idol without, that's the only point reason to watch it is watching Simon bash people, the things that he says, I think.
00:14:43.000And it's hard once you take them to get rid of them.
00:14:46.000I know a bunch of dudes that like need them.
00:14:49.000Like people that have like any sort of a back injury, debilitating back injury, and that you get hooked on those bitches and they get you through the day.
00:14:55.000I know a lot of people that just need that, man.
00:15:01.000And what I was saying is, the dudes that I know that have had problems with pain pills, a lot of them have been really smart guys that went to college and they're not idiots, you know?
00:15:09.000Why do you have that thing in front of my face?
00:18:16.000It's almost like the drug itself has a consciousness and the drug itself is going to make you do it as much as you can and rob you of life.
00:18:26.000You know, I mean, that's one way to look at like horrible substances.
00:18:29.000That's why when people talk about drugs, you know, and they like to lump all drugs in together, that's so stupid.
00:18:36.000Because marijuana and mushrooms and psychedelic drugs, if done correctly, can be very beneficial.
00:18:43.000And when they're over, you don't feel any repercussions.
00:18:48.000Marijuana and mushrooms and things like that, the natural things that people have been doing for tens of thousands of years, those things aren't hurting anybody, man.
00:18:56.000And they can't get into your system, you know.
00:18:59.000And if you lump them in with oxycodones and fucking heroin and crystal meth, that's ridiculous.
00:19:05.000No one is becoming a more introspective, fascinating person on crystal meth.
00:19:39.000I would have thought by now we would have come to some sort of a rational understanding as human beings.
00:19:44.000As we got to be adults, I thought we would come to a point where we would sit back and we would look at things and go, what right do I to tell another person what to do or not to do as long as he's not trying to give it to minors or people that don't know any better?
00:19:58.000As long as people are educated, let's spend money on programs and make sure that people don't get involved in anything fucked up like this.
00:20:04.000And let's pay attention to fucking children in schools.
00:20:06.000I mean, the biggest problem in this country isn't laws and crime.
00:20:10.000The biggest problem is why are people creating crime?
00:20:13.000Why are people doing these terrible things to each other?
00:20:16.00099.99% of all fucked up things come out of a fucked up childhood.
00:20:22.000You have kids who have shitty fucking parents and these fucking children, they grow up and they're ticking time bombs.
00:20:29.000If you have a douchebag, fucked up, drug addict parent and you live in a fucked up place with no love and every day you just see violence and shit and screaming and addiction and sorrow and there's no way out.
00:20:46.000You know, that is a ticking time bomb.
00:20:49.000And for politicians to not address that and to spend all this fucking time flying over to Afghanistan trying to chase down a hundred Taliban fighters in the mountains and young people are dying over there for that, how about we spend that money attacking the fucking enemy at home?
00:21:06.000The enemy at home is the horrible fucking childhoods that some of our fellow human beings in this country have to go through.
00:21:14.000You know, what we really need to do is focus on fucking kids.
00:21:18.000Focus on children that are growing up in terrible neighborhoods.
00:21:21.000Focus on fucking schools and community centers and giving these kids somewhere to go to when their parents suck.
00:21:28.000Focus on a bunch of people that want to help raise kids that come from terrible situations or help the parents understand what the fuck they're doing raising children and making these kids fucking psychos and giving them horrible childhoods.
00:21:43.000Setting loose someone who's eventually going to turn all their inward anger outward on other people.
00:21:49.000All their pain and resentment and all the negative input coming into them as a child.
00:21:54.000You know, that shit is fucking terrible.
00:21:56.000You deal with a child that comes from a positive, loving environment, and you're going to deal with a cool human being.
00:22:01.000That human being is going to come out of that and going to appreciate other people.
00:22:05.000That's our number one problem as human beings.
00:22:07.000Our number one problem as human beings is the way we don't appreciate each other.
00:22:12.000The way we look at each other as competition, the way we look at each other as just people that are on the highway in my fucking way.
00:22:18.000Human beings have to learn to appreciate each other.
00:22:21.000And we need to learn how to deal with the fucking very obvious shit that we ignore.
00:22:26.000Instead of pretending there's some incredible assault on the human race here in America, you know, maybe we should look on where's the real crime coming from?
00:22:35.000Where are the real murders coming from?
00:22:37.000Where's the real anger and violence and the shit that affects day-to-day people every day?
00:23:22.000One of the best judo guys to ever enter MMA.
00:23:26.000He opened people's eyes to a lot of shit that was possible.
00:23:28.000Because before Caro, nobody was hitting those beautiful fucking throws.
00:23:33.000He hits these beautiful shoulder throws and hip throws.
00:23:36.000And his judo, like back when he fought Dave Strasser, like one of his first UFC bounce, incredible judo.
00:23:43.000And it's, that's like, whenever you get a guy who steps into MMA and has some totally, something that he's really, really good at that most people aren't, like, like Machita with karate.
00:23:53.000Like, people thought, well, karate's not that good.
00:24:51.000By all accounts, he's a really good black belt.
00:24:54.000And Henzo is one of the most respected instructors in the world.
00:24:58.000If Henzo Gracie gives you a black belt, that's a huge honor.
00:25:01.000So that Sheikh Tak Noon, the fact that he's a Henzo Gracie black belt, I know he's been having people travel to Abu Dhabi for years, for over a decade, since the late 90s.
00:25:11.000And he had like some of the best instructors in the world that would come and stay with him.
00:25:15.000And he had a whole camp there and he'd bring guys and you have guys to train with.
00:25:19.000I mean, the dude is just the jiu-jitsu fiend.
00:25:21.000Just, I mean, like more than, way more than me, you know, like, I mean, think about how much I love jiu-jitsu.
00:25:26.000And this guy is like, you know, he's just like, he loves it.
00:26:30.000It's a really pretty fucking crazy gig.
00:26:35.000For me, it's like a perfect job because I'm a huge fan of mixed martial arts, like for real.
00:26:43.000I don't watch, like when I watch the different shows like K1 or Sengoku or, you know, Dream or Strike Force or anything like that.
00:26:52.000When I watch those shows, I don't watch those shows for work.
00:26:55.000I don't get on the underground on mixedmartial arts.com or read all the bloody elbow, read all these different websites and do it just for fun.
00:27:06.000I would have done it even if it wasn't my job.
00:27:08.000I'm just a huge fan, like professionally, and I'm very lucky.
00:32:29.000If you're a person who wanted to be famous, and your whole life you've wanted to be famous and you have this need, this hyper need for attention, and then all of a sudden it happens to you, like, holy shit!
00:32:41.000You know, I'm lucky that the kind of fame that I got, like, always was ridiculous, especially the Fear Factor fame, was like ridiculous fame.
00:32:49.000You know, like, no one's kissing your ass for Fear Factor, you know.
00:32:52.000You know, when people come up to you from Fear Factor, like, what the fuck, dude?
00:32:55.000And I'm like, and I was like, Yeah, I know, what the fuck, but it's not like they love, you know, like if you're like an actor or something like that, and you're in some crazy movies, like that guy is, the kind of adulation that guy must get is insane, you know?
00:33:08.000And if he was already crazy to begin with, that just, when, when crazy people all of a sudden have money and people kissing their ass, you know, crazy people are supposed to be like suppressed.
00:33:18.000Like, you're supposed to crazy people, you're supposed to see them and go, hey, fuckhead, you're crazy.
00:33:22.000But that doesn't work like on a TV show or a movie.
00:33:25.000Because once you become crazy, it doesn't matter.
00:33:28.000If you're a star, they let you be crazy.
00:33:30.000So you're just fucking hog wild and doing blow and punching people.
00:33:34.000And they try to protect you as much as possible because you're the goose that lays the golden egg.
00:33:38.000And that's what happens to a lot of actors.
00:37:32.000it's just probably So if like you're watching someone and a video and a werewolf is like staring over them, by the time you see that, that motherfucker's dead.
00:37:48.000People are trying to take Joe behind you.
00:37:51.000That werewolf fucked that dude up a long time ago.
00:44:05.000I mean, there's no getting away from that.
00:44:07.000But to be like that guy, you know, and have all these tens and they're chasing you down and they don't even care if you're married and they'll fly to other countries to hang out with you.
00:44:41.000If you want to get down with business, you know, I've heard a lot of people say that if you want to be successful in business, that you literally have to learn golf.
00:45:24.000So like I said, if you see a werewolf behind me and you hear that, believe me, I'm already dead.
00:45:30.000Okay, just be kind to me on the message boards.
00:45:34.000People are brutal about Artie Lang, man.
00:45:36.000That was really sad to see how many people were brutal after Artie Lang tried to commit suicide, like calling him people don't like that suicide shit, man.
00:45:47.000It was, it was, they were, they were insulting him like it didn't matter.
00:45:51.000You know, you know, like that he's weak and he's a piece of shit.
00:45:54.000Like I said about where I talked about the people that I know that have had problems with pain pills, it's not like you know, the guy likes to jerk off.
00:49:08.000You know, and if you don't have like a relationship, you don't have someone you love, you don't have really good friends that you love and you love to be around, you don't have a family, you don't have children, you don't have someone that you mean something to and someone that you feed off of each other and you share energy and you make them feel good and they make you feel good and they miss you and you miss them.
00:49:26.000And that's very, very, very, very important for people.
00:49:29.000And people just underestimate how huge that is.
00:49:32.000You know, having friends and having family and having like good quality people in your life and not douchebags.
00:49:41.000That is so important because nothing can fuck your life up more than people who are not looking out for your best interests and want you to fail because they're fucked up.
00:49:51.000You know, try to let them aware of it.
00:50:13.000Don't fuck around with anything dangerous.
00:50:15.000If you're going to do something, do things that people have never to hide from and make sure you know what the fuck you're doing before you do it.
00:50:22.000You know, don't go crazy and smoke the whole joint the first time.
00:50:25.000You know, you'll shit your pants in paranoia.
00:50:42.000You know, the feeling of being caught up in the wave of THC when you get really high, it's like you're connecting to another frequency that it's not available to you when you're sober.
00:50:54.000And that's what people who don't smoke marijuana don't understand.
00:50:56.000There's an awareness, an opening of your mind.
00:50:59.000I mean, I've had it explained to me chemically about, you know, GABA and dopamine and all the different things that go on.
00:51:05.000There was a recent thread about it on my message board where people are talking about the effect of it.
00:51:09.000But the bottom line is it does something to the way you think.
00:51:13.000And it opens up new levels of awareness.
00:51:16.000And if you get too much of that, you're going to freak the fuck out.
00:51:36.000Who knows what the fuck this is in the first place?
00:51:38.000Who knows what the ultimate goal of the human race is in the first place?
00:51:41.000You just live your life and go through it and you put your blinders on.
00:51:45.000And when you have a hit of some really good weed, those blinders just fall down around you.
00:51:50.000And you realize, like, wow, I'm this fragile, fleshy little temporary being that's clinging to this spinning orb as it's Flying through the galaxy, and people are sitting around talking about John and Cade and fucking Miley Cyrus and nonsense.
00:52:09.000And while this is all going on, we're hurling through the galaxy.
00:52:13.000And it literally is never discussed, you know.
00:52:15.000And I have a bit about it, you can see it on YouTube.
00:52:24.000It's about flying through space, but that's what we are.
00:52:26.000I mean, we're just animals clinging to a sphere in eternity, in this gigantic sea of eternity, sea of space, this never-ending thing that we're a part of, but we completely ignore.
00:52:41.000And we focus on the most mundane bullshit, like Tiger Woods, fucking all these girls, you know, and like what else?
00:52:48.000What are those other dumb shit that people have been focusing on lately in the news?
00:52:52.000I don't know, but I think why people focus on so much of it is because, you know, they need something.
00:52:58.000It's like kind of watching the same movie over and over again.
00:53:00.000You know, you need constant new information and stuff like that, you know?
00:53:03.000Like, I understand what you're saying, like, about the whole thing, but I think that's why so many people focus on the dumb shit, because it's new shit, you know?
00:53:16.000So, like, what you're saying is that the reason why people focus on like Tiger Woods and stuff like that is just because it's new information.
00:53:41.000I think, you know, I mean, it makes sense because, you know, people are, we do really, we have this push for new things and innovation, and it's literally built into our hard wiring.
00:53:50.000Which is why you can take a guy with the hottest chick in the world and he doesn't want to fuck her anymore.
00:53:54.000It's like you get tired of fucking the hottest chick in the world.
00:54:39.000Brian Reichel Tech Review, ladies and gentlemen.
00:54:43.000The main problem is, is if you have something like we both have iPhones, and you have Facebook and Twitter and all these applications, I've had Droid.
00:54:52.000Why have an inferior version of those applications?
00:55:14.000Because the bottom line with the iPhone is it's on AT ⁇ T and AT ⁇ T sucks.
00:55:19.000When I'm talking to people on AT ⁇ T, I can guarantee it's going to cut out three or four times before I get wherever the fuck I'm going.
00:55:25.000When I drive my car, I love the fact that I can have both hands on a steering wheel and I can just talk, you know, and I'm having conversations and I can, you know, do business and answer questions and catch up with old friends that I don't have a chance to catch up with.
00:58:18.000When you try to go on the internet, you want to shoot yourself.
00:58:20.000You try to use the Twitter function on here.
00:58:22.000so clunky and whack and typing is much better Like, when I have to give someone, if I'm like answering an email and I have to give someone an address or a phone number, it takes five fucking minutes because I barely can push down the three.
00:58:43.000I'm also, I'm always getting the number right next to it.
00:58:53.000If you're thinking about you want one phone, if you only had to choose between one phone, you got to go with the iPhone.
00:58:59.000But if you can afford to have two phones, the iPhone is great for like a little computer.
00:59:02.000To me, it's huge for pictures and Twitters and applications and going on YouTube.
00:59:07.000I would probably wait, though, until after the Apple announcement in two weeks, though.
00:59:12.000Just in case that there's a Verizon iPhone.
00:59:14.000If there's a Verizon iPhone, I'll fucking jump for joy, but I don't think there's going to be one.
00:59:18.000We think that the Verizon thing, what we've read online, because we're both, Brian and I are both tech retards, is the Verizon thing is probably going to be some sort of a tablet, like a little, like an internet, like a Kindle, but you can get on the internet with it, which would be kind of interesting.
01:00:59.000We are in the active process of evolving as a species.
01:01:04.000And there's two things that are going to aid that involvement or evolvement rather, that evolution.
01:01:08.000It's going to be either technology or it's going to be what we learn and what we pass on.
01:01:15.000And if you don't evolve and if you don't pass on something, if your children don't evolve, like this race can't exist from just the people that are alive now living forever, okay?
01:01:28.000Because people don't change that much.
01:01:30.000They try, they do their best, but the amount of people that change over the amount of people that don't change, I mean, shit.
01:01:36.000How many people do you know that get their shit together, that have gotten their shit together, that didn't have it?
01:01:40.000You know, how many people do you know?
01:01:49.000Those aren't good odds for a whole race of humans.
01:01:52.000You know, I think that the best bet for the human race, if we really care about it as a whole, but we don't.
01:01:57.000We care about ourselves because we're animals and because we have these instincts and these instincts are designed to make sure that we stay alive.
01:02:04.000And, you know, and that's just hardwiring.
01:02:06.000Even though your logic and your reason would dictate, well, hey, I'm only here for a temporary amount of time anyway.
01:02:12.000I need to look at this like, what is my purpose here?
01:02:15.000And what you're supposed to be doing is making it better for the next people.
01:02:18.000What you're supposed to be doing is making it as good as you can for the people here and leaving an impression so that maybe you can enhance the minds and the open the eyes and set the tone for the next people.
01:02:31.000You know, if you meet a guy who's like a real, I mean, every time I've ever met someone who's like really fucking cool and really nice and really friendly, it has always inspired me to be cooler and nicer and friendlier.
01:02:41.000It's like, it's so cool to meet people like that.
01:02:44.000But, you know, when I was growing up in Boston, I knew a lot of fucking hard-ass people.
01:02:50.000I knew a lot of people that were just always ready to insult you and always wanted to fight.
01:02:55.000And I knew a lot of, and if you grow up around a lot of people like that, you become like that.
01:03:43.000Yeah, dudes are way more aggressive in Boston than, like, say, if you go out and try to get something to eat in Texas, you know, people are generally pretty fucking friendly.
01:03:54.000Like, everybody has this, like, this stereotype of Texas, but you're way safer going out to get some late-night food in Texas.
01:04:35.000You know, what you don't look forward to is you don't look forward to the fact that you're going to lose a lot of your time.
01:04:42.000Without a doubt, you're going to have to spend, if you don't want to be a shitty parent, you know, if you've had a childhood that was less than perfect, which I think most of us have, right?
01:04:52.000You learn from that and you're supposed to be a better person and a better parent from that.
01:04:56.000And once you have a fucking kid, man, it's like, all right, you have this immense, immense responsibility to raise a human being correctly.
01:05:05.000And You got to get your own shit together.
01:05:10.000And you're going to definitely have to look at things a little bit differently because you're not going to have the same amount of free time.
01:05:15.000And you can't look at yourself like you're the only thing.
01:05:18.000That's what I was talking about before with a lot of people that I know that aren't happy.
01:05:22.000One of the reasons why they're not happy is they don't have people in their life that are really important.
01:05:27.000I know dudes that are like grown men that don't even have really, really close friends.
01:05:31.000They have like friends, but they like keep shit from them.
01:05:34.000And sometimes they get in bad arguments with them.
01:05:36.000And they don't have anybody that they really open up and are 100% honest with, which is really huge.
01:05:43.000If you don't have like a real friend that you can fucking tell everything to, you got to have those in your life, man.
01:05:50.000When we're all out, like when it's me and Brian and Eddie and Joey and we're all out bullshitting, we tell each other basically everything.
01:05:58.000You know, that's one of the fun things about it.
01:06:01.000You know, one of the fun things about hanging out with like people that you really like is, you know, you get to see inside each other's fucking the wiring under the board.
01:06:11.000You know, you get to throw out the way you're thinking and what's going on in your life to them and see how, you know, a person who's not living your life but loves you and looks out for you and wants you to be happy gets to look at it and see it.
01:06:23.000And that's very important for people because sometimes you can't see your life objectively.
01:06:27.000Sometimes you need somebody in your life that cares about you.
01:06:31.000And when people don't have that shit, they don't feel like they have that 100% honesty with someone, you're disconnected to the universe.
01:06:38.000And that's one of the reasons why people get so depressed.
01:06:40.000You know, you're depressed because you don't have all this love in your life.
01:08:05.000Yeah, I'm writing a book, man, but the problem is I'm writing comedy at the same time, and I'm also writing blog entries, and I'm also trying to do all my other bullshit.
01:08:16.000It's hard to sit down and just write a book.
01:08:18.000Because I sit down and write things, and I just want to write about one thing that day, and then I like, that's one of the things I like about blogs.
01:08:24.000I could just write it and throw it up, and bam, there it is.
01:08:27.000But I'm always looking for new ways that people can listen to my shit, get my ideas out there, and get my stuff out there, and come to see me doing stand-up.
01:08:37.000And, you know, the different ways to do that.
01:08:40.000You know, it's like books are legitimate ways.
01:08:44.000There's still a lot of people that don't even have any idea that I'm a stand-up comedian, you know, just because of stuff that I've done that's not funny, like Fear Factor and whatever.
01:08:51.000And, you know, and then doing commentary for the UFC.
01:11:02.000They used to have leopard print stripes, like structure shirts with like wear really, I used to wear like crushed red velvet shirts and crazy big, I'm not joking, crazy big Hawaiian shirts.
01:11:16.000I'm a fashion retard, like I always have been.
01:11:19.000You know, that's why I still wear a fanny pack.
01:11:22.000Like I wear a fanny pack all the time.
01:11:24.000You know, whenever we travel, I wear a fanny pack.
01:18:51.000Because I knew a lot of dudes when I was a kid, and the guys that did drugs, the guys that were partying all the time, they always wanted to fucking their lives up.
01:18:58.000And I was terrified of fucking my life up.
01:19:01.000That was my number one fear was being a loser.
01:19:03.000My number one, I didn't, my ambition was all fucked up because it wasn't that I wanted to be happy and I wanted to, you know, find some place of, some point of success and do, you know, achieve some goal or, you know, be something for a living that I wanted to be.
01:21:35.000I did an interview recently, and I talked about the use of the word faggot.
01:21:39.000I was just explaining how what happened when I did the spike TV thing, that they told me that I could say any word except faggot when the show was uncensored.
01:21:46.000And I was like, that's so crazy because I'm not even talking to a person.
01:24:11.000There's a funny story that I've told before, but it's a true story.
01:24:15.000There was a dude who was a fighter in this organization, this other fighting organization outside of the UFC.
01:24:22.000this was like the 90s and they went to do It was an internet search on this man's name because they were going to write a story about Him to promote his show, and as they were searching him, they found out that someone with the same name was a gay porn star, and not just a gay porn star, but the winner of the Hungriest Butt Contest.
01:24:48.000Not the runner-up of the Hungriest Butt Contest, the fucking winner.
01:24:52.000This dude won the Hungriest Butt Contest, and they didn't believe it was him.
01:24:56.000And then they just started searching more, and they found photos, and they found photos of him.
01:25:02.000Like one dude's in his mouth, one dude's in his ass, and they're using him as like Chinese finger handcuffs.
01:25:08.000And I mean, they found all this porn on him.
01:25:10.000Like, the guy, it was, you know, it was pretty easy to find.
01:25:13.000You know, when the information first got on the internet, porn was the first shit to get out there.
01:26:36.000See, if you like sucking decks and if you're gay, then that's not bad at all.
01:26:41.000See, this is what people don't understand.
01:26:44.000Like, just because someone thinks it's funny because they personally are not, they don't want to have gay sex, that doesn't mean it's bad that you have gay sex.
01:26:51.000It's only bad for someone who doesn't want to have the gay sex.
01:27:10.000But if you're straight and you're out there blowing guys on video, ooh.
01:27:16.000I used to bit about it in my act that if a guy is like straight and he's blowing a guy, you know, that if you like made a mistake one night, you'll never win an argument ever for the rest of your life.
01:27:28.000Because as soon as you get in the argument, as soon as shit starts getting real, like, man, you don't even believe people win on the moon.
01:29:29.000You want to be at the level where you don't have to worry about your bills and you're able to do what you want to do, like as far as creatively.
01:29:37.000I like the fact that I could do comedy, I could do the UFC, I do what I want to do, and I'm enjoying myself.
01:29:44.000And people enjoy what I'm doing, and you develop fans, you develop people that are appreciating what you do, and you appreciate them, and it's a good relationship.
01:29:54.000You don't want to be somewhere like, I was watching some video online where the guy, can you put that video up?
01:29:59.000The dude when George Bush went into a restaurant and he's with five Secret Service agents and the guy screaming and yelling at him, you fucking murderer, you Zionist murdering piece of shit.
01:30:11.000And some guy, George Bush Sr., has to, the dude is like, he's an old man.
01:35:00.000I believe it's still available on, if you go to dougstanhope.com, you'll probably have a link to it somewhere.
01:35:06.000Because one of the funniest things that Doug ever did.
01:35:10.000And he would pretend to be little girls and lure pedophiles and say, like, all kinds of fucked up shit.
01:35:16.000And it was really, really genius stuff.
01:35:19.000I can't pull any of the quotes off the top of my head, but I remember really laughing really hard and wanting to do the same thing, but I don't have that kind of commitment.
01:35:41.000I mean, I'll argue with people and I'll make fun of someone, but like pretending to be someone else, going back and forth, for whatever reason, my brain doesn't work that way.
01:38:20.000You know, I gave up saying things suck a long time ago when people like them.
01:38:25.000Because it occurred to me somewhere along the line that even though they suck for me, even though I do think they suck, as long as, you know, what do I care?
01:38:33.000As long as it's not promoting anything ridiculously stupid, as long as it's not, you know, reinforcing retarded behavior, as long as it's not negative for human beings, what do I give a shit?
01:38:43.000You know, you think it's good, you like it.
01:39:05.000But I was listening to The Dead one day and I put on, right after I listened to it, I was listening to it for like an hour and then I put on Midnight Rider by the Almond Brothers and I never listened to Dead again.
01:39:20.000I was like, are you fucking kidding me, man?
01:39:24.000I mean, look, I know some people like The Grateful Dead, and I understand, and I appreciate it and shit like that, but listen, man, there's some fucking music that, there's there's some music that's on another level and in my opinion the shit from I'm looking for a I'm looking for the song.
01:42:37.000That stuff just so resonates today, man.
01:42:40.000You know, you listen to some of the 60s and 70s music, Zeppelin and the Doors, and just When I'm in a mood and I want to hear something, especially if you smoke a joint and, you know, you sit in your front of your computer, you want to write, I'll put on some fucking classic rock, man.
01:42:56.000It just, it makes you, it just makes you feel more connected.
01:43:01.000There's just like, there's something about that music.
01:43:03.000Like, whatever they were doing at the time and they were making that music, they were nailing it.
01:43:09.000They, you know, there's music from that era that doesn't smell at all like commercial.
01:43:14.000It doesn't smell at all like they were trying to, you know, to trick people or do something they thought was going to be successful.
01:43:21.000There's a bunch of music from that era that's just beautiful, man.
01:45:04.000We're gonna drag him in here next week.
01:45:06.000Even if we have to change the schedule of the show and do it at a different time.
01:45:11.000Now, because I didn't look at this at all the last time we did this, I have to look at it now.
01:45:16.000Yeah, I made a post on my message board asking people to put in questions.
01:45:22.000So because of that, I'm going to go there right now and check out what the questions are and see if anybody had some cool shit because people were upset that I did it last week.
01:45:33.000But when I did it last week, I didn't answer any of the questions.
01:45:36.000But I mean, I like the questions and it's good to have the questions, but I wanted to make this as loose as possible.
01:45:43.000I want to make this as much as whatever we feel like talking about, you know, whatever, whoever's here, whatever, just let things come out, you know, and answer Twitter questions and all that shit.
01:45:56.000What are the best tips for navigating a high-dose mushroom trip?
01:46:05.000Terrence McKenna, who I learned everything I know about psychedelics from that guy, or at least that's where I started, is listening to what he had to say, reading his books.
01:46:15.000But what he always said is that you should do them in high doses and very rarely.
01:46:21.000He said that psychedelic experiences should be something where you do the right dose and then you take a long time off and sort of contemplate what happened.
01:46:31.000The last time I did anything really strong, like DMT, that was over two years ago.
01:46:35.000And it was because it was a very, very, very profound experience.
01:46:39.000And I wanted to make sure that I got as much out of it and understood it and sort of deciphered it as much as I could and applied it to my life as much as I could before I just went to try to do it again.
01:46:52.000I'm very serious about psychedelic trips.
01:46:57.000I mean, I think you can have a good time on mushrooms with your buddies if you don't take too much, but I think you can get a lot out of psychedelic trips where you, and I'm not criticizing people who want to do it for fun.
01:47:06.000Because look, I like to drink for fun.
01:47:09.000I smoke pot both for introspective quality thinking and also for fun.
01:47:14.000And I don't, if you want to do it for fun, that's all good.
01:47:16.000But what I'm saying is, like, for me, personally, I've learned a lot from psychedelic experiences.
01:47:23.000And what I believe is what Terrence McKenna has always said, is that you should do them very rarely.
01:47:28.000You do them and then you don't do shit for a while and you think about what the fuck you learned.
01:47:33.000Because it doesn't, if you really want to improve yourself, you're really using it for that reason to really expand your consciousness, you don't get anything out of it if you can't apply it to your life.
01:47:42.000You can't just have the experience and then become some fucking shut-in who doesn't interact with the rest of the world because all you want to do is, you know, go down your basement, turn the lights out, and do mushrooms.
01:47:51.000Now you're not even a part of us anymore.
01:47:55.000You've got to be able to function in both worlds, in the psychedelic world and in this world.
01:48:00.000You've got to be able to navigate both dimensions.
01:48:02.000And I think if you do too much drugs, if you do them all the time, you can definitely lose your handle on this world.
01:48:46.000Very few people know about it, but you should know what the fuck you're doing.
01:48:50.000And that's the real problem with psychedelics is that there are no shaman anymore.
01:48:54.000You know, in these tribes in Peru and these people that live in the Amazon, there's like a history of usage that goes back thousands of years and they pass it on from generation to generation.
01:49:06.000And the shaman, the people that like brew this ayahuasca, ayahuasca is this very powerful dose of DMT that comes in an orally active form and they get it from combining these plants and boiling it into this crazy mixture.
01:49:19.000Between that and there's also shaman in other parts of the world, New Mexico, where their shaman where their thing is mushrooms.
01:49:26.000And these are people that have navigated these dimensions, whether it's ayahuasca or mushrooms or peyote, they've navigated these dimensions many, many, many, many times.
01:49:34.000So they can tell you what to expect there.
01:49:36.000They've learned from their experiences and they can help you.
01:49:40.000I think that's the real problem is that psychedelic drugs aren't necessarily bad for you.
01:49:46.000And when they're illegal, they can be bad for you because if you can get caught with them, you can get locked up.
01:49:50.000Your life can get fucked up if they find them in your piss, if you have to test for some sort of a job and then all of a sudden you're labeled a drug addict.
01:49:57.000Yeah, in that sense, psychedelic drugs can be bad.
01:50:00.000In the other sense, it's like, look, a circular saw, like one of those, those are awesome if you know how to use one.
01:50:10.000You can cut some wood that you would never be able to cut with like a stake knife.
01:50:14.000But it doesn't mean everybody should have a fucking circular saw and just be using it all day.
01:50:19.000And that's the same thing with mushrooms.
01:50:21.000Mushrooms are just like any kind of tool.
01:50:23.000You can, like, like I say with marijuana, with a hammer.
01:50:26.000You can build a house with a hammer, or you can just hit yourself in the dick if you're fucking crazy.
01:50:30.000It doesn't mean that hammers should be illegal.
01:50:32.000And that's the same thing with psychedelic drugs.
01:50:33.000I wouldn't give a circular saw to a 13-year-old boy and say, hey, go play with this.
01:50:37.000But if a guy is a goddamn carpenter and he knows what he's doing and he's gone up through trade school and he did an apprenticeship and worked as a carpenter's apprentice and learned how to use tools properly and learn the proper safety precautions, then yeah, that guy should be able to hold a fucking chainsaw.
01:50:53.000That guy should be able to use a circular saw.
01:50:55.000That guy should be able to work in a machine shop.
01:51:45.000When alcohol and tobacco and all that shit is readily available, but we get it in our head that it's bad because it's been illegal all our lives.
01:51:52.000It's very tough for us to change gears.
01:51:54.000And for a long time, we've had this thing in our head about psychedelic drugs.
01:52:04.000When the media was young and when the newspapers were around and that was the only way to get information out, they would publish these stories about marijuana and the William Randolph Hearst scandals.
01:52:14.000William Randolph Hearst owned, not only did he own newspapers, but he also owned paper mills.
01:52:19.000And when they invented the decorticator, it made it more effective to process hemp fiber.
01:52:24.000And what he started doing was attacking the hemp industry so that he didn't have to change over his paper mills from wood to hemp paper.
01:52:39.000It contains all the essential amino acids and the seeds.
01:52:41.000Besides the fact that it gets you high, even take away the get-you-high part, even the plants that don't get you high at all are still really economically valuable.
01:52:51.000Well, William Randolph Hearst attacked that industry because he owned the newspapers.
01:52:55.000He started printing these stories saying that blacks and Mexicans were smoking this new drug called marijuana and they were going out and raping white women.
01:53:05.000And so because of that, because he did this, they all, you know, people got crazy and they all got paranoid and Congress actually outlawed marijuana, not even knowing that they were outlawing hemp.
01:53:16.000They didn't even know it was the same thing.
01:53:18.000So that's how marijuana became illegal in the first place.
01:53:21.000And that's why it's still illegal today.
01:53:23.000It's that once something is stuck in our consciousness, it takes a long time to get it out.
01:53:27.000Well, I think that a long time ago, it was probably very, very common in all cultures to have a shaman, to have some sort of someone who is aware of psychedelic states.
01:53:41.000John Marco Allegro, he argues that that's what Christianity is all about.
01:53:45.000Christianity is all about concealing these secrets of consuming hallucinogenic drugs.
01:53:50.000He was a guy who deciphered the Dead Sea Scrolls.
01:53:52.000John Marco Allegro worked in the Dead Sea Scrolls for 14 years.
01:53:55.000And after he did all this deciphering, now I don't know if he's right, neither do you, unless you're a biblical scholar, unless you can, you know, you have to be a master of ancient languages.
01:54:04.000You have to study it for decades to even understand what the fuck he's talking about.
01:54:07.000I read it, it's like, makes sense, sort of, but he could be totally bullshitting.
01:54:11.000But what his story is, was that the entire Christian religion was a giant misunderstanding.
01:54:16.000What it really was all about was the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility cults.
01:55:30.000I think a lot of bands like Soundgarden, they were good because they were young and they were doing drugs and going crazy and just experiencing life.
01:55:38.000Now I think these are just people that have slowed down, slowed their role, and they're trying to be something they're not because their music just, a lot of these guys' music just bored.
01:55:47.000You know, I think that was kind of what I was talking about earlier when I was saying that there's a certain level that you reach as a performer.
01:55:54.000You know, if you get too famous, you get too successful, it's very hard to cope.
01:56:00.000It's very hard to be still creative and still have enthusiasm.
01:56:04.000I mean, how many guys just get better and better every album?
01:56:38.000And then you start getting into like psychedelic and it's just, it's cool because the more you play, the more into the music you play.
01:56:43.000Well, they didn't just, see, the thing about the Beatles was they didn't just change their music.
01:56:46.000They changed like the whole culture that was listening to them too because people got swept up in their music.
01:56:51.000You know, people were such huge fans of John Lennon that when he started getting into transcendental meditation and acid and, you know, hanging out with gurus and shit, they all got into it Too.
01:57:00.000Like, he changed a lot of people's consciousness.
01:57:03.000That was a guy that really, really affected a lot of the way our culture operates, the way people think.
01:57:22.000It's like it was so recognized that his talent was just so far and above everyone else's.
01:57:27.000And, you know, everybody's like, God, it's so sad that he's such a freak and he's so crazy.
01:57:30.000But the more I've been thinking lately, I think that when you get to a certain level, I think there's a certain level of greatness that some people achieve, like a certain frequency that some people achieve.
01:57:44.000And it's almost impossible to achieve if you're not insane.
01:57:47.000It's almost impossible to push yourself that far, that hard.
01:57:51.000Because it's not easy to be like Michael Jackson.
01:58:17.000It could have been that he just got so fucked up because he got so famous when he was so young that he never felt like he had a chance to grow up and he wanted to go back to when he was a child.
01:58:26.000And he was just so psychologically damaged that he literally wanted to be around children because he wanted to revert back to that moment in his life before he realized that life was haywire.
01:58:36.000You know, I've thought that before because you know what?
01:58:39.000The thing is about all these child molesting accusations is that he was always around all these poor kids and trying to help all these kids with cancer and shit and people who were broke.
01:58:48.000And it's like after a while, I mean, these people, like, all they have to do is say some crazy shit about Michael Jackson.
01:59:27.000You'd be like the Tiger Woods of kid fucking.
01:59:29.000You'd be just banging kids all over the place.
01:59:32.000If you've got that obsession where you want to have sex with kids, if you look at like child molesters, the recidivism rate is through the roof.
01:59:39.000It's like in the 99% or something like that.
02:00:18.000Yeah, but I'm not saying that's what I believe in.
02:00:20.000I believe that he probably slept with kids and he probably kissed them, but I don't think he's like, you know, like doggy stuff on the side of the bed or anything like that.
02:00:29.000So you think he just did inappropriate shit?
02:00:31.000Yeah, I bet he's just because he thinks he's a kid, you know?
02:00:34.000I bet he was molested by his father growing up.
02:00:39.000Because, I mean, Miley Cyrus would be fucking black by now if that was true, you know?
02:00:43.000Somebody said this, and I don't know who said this, but I don't want to not give him credit, but I don't remember who it was.
02:00:49.000They said that they think that Michael Jackson might have been castrated.
02:00:52.000They think that at a certain point in time, Michael Jackson might have been castrated, and that's why he can sing at such a high pitch, even though he's a grown man, and that might be why he's so fucked up sexually.
02:01:02.000And it totally makes sense, especially when you look at his children.
02:04:30.000You have to be on the same level as me.
02:04:32.000And there's something that you deny when you're younger, but you realize when you get older, is that when you fuck, when you have sex with someone, even though you like to think that it's just physical, you just get in there and you blow a load, it's not that simple.
02:04:46.000There's some sort of a weird connection that human beings make when they fuck.
02:04:51.000And especially when you do it to someone who's young, like they, we learn how to ignore that connection.
02:04:57.000We learn how to like push each other away.
02:05:00.000When we get older, we learn how to separate and get, you know, just deal with it about like physically.
02:05:05.000But when you're young, like you get so attached.
02:05:07.000You remember how attached you were the first person you had sex with?
02:05:26.000And if you're a grown adult and, you know, you're, especially if you're in a position to take advantage of this kid, you know, they're young and naive and silly and you're fucking them.
02:07:16.000To be that young and to be around someone else's kid, someone else's loud ass kid, you know, that's hard to deal with.
02:07:23.000So a lot of you out there, maybe you, my 23-year-old friend, maybe you have a head start.
02:07:28.000You know, maybe you'll be smarter than me when you're 23 than when I was 23.
02:07:32.000But I think what I was talking about recently with a friend of mine is that guys like Michael Jackson or, you know, or anybody that I know that's exceptional, almost everybody I know that's really exceptional in anything had kind of a fucked up childhood.
02:07:49.000People that I know that are like, all my friends that are like really good comics, all my friends that are like really good artists, all of them had fucked up childhoods.
02:08:15.000You know, like when you're imbalanced, it's like your ride is so much rockier, but there's so much more energy behind it.
02:08:23.000It's like if you can get a hold of it and control your personality and figure out a way to stabilize it, it's like you have so much more thrust than a person who's content.
02:13:54.000Listen, just because you have 400 people saying that they've seen UFOs, that does not mean there's UFOs.
02:14:00.000That means you have 400 people that say they've seen UFOs.
02:14:02.000And they might really believe they've seen UFOs.
02:14:04.000But you know, they have a real problem and hunters have a real problem.
02:14:08.000And this happens all over the world, where the most experienced hunters are the ones that wind up accidentally killing people.
02:14:17.000And the reason being is that these guys are, when you're experienced hunter, you know that sometimes your window of opportunity where you get a shot at a deer is real short.
02:14:31.000And people see things that aren't there.
02:14:33.000And one of the things they all say universally when they have an accident, and these are like good people, church-going people, no anger, no violence issues.
02:14:48.000One guy accidentally shot this woman in Maine and she had white mittens on and he is following a deer and this lady was in the woods and she had her white mittens on and he saw that white and he said he saw the buck.
02:15:04.000He said it was right there in front of him and he said he squeezed off the trigger.
02:15:07.000We don't fully understand how our consciousness and our imagination affects what we see.
02:15:16.000It's still very much It's there's something tricky to it.
02:15:21.000Hallucinations and the ability to see things that aren't there, that's real.
02:15:26.000And if someone's in a very heightened state, if they're in a very heightened state, like if they're in the heightened state of wanting to see a deer, or if they're in the heightened state of being in the woods in the dark and you think you see a monster, you can see a fucking monster.
02:15:42.000You can convince yourself that you've actually seen it.
02:15:45.000If you see something and you don't know what it is, you will turn it into your mind and make it a monster.
02:15:50.000If you're out in the woods and it's pitch black and you stumble into a wild boar and you barely see it and it makes noise and runs away, it could be some two fucking foot tall troll man with giant fucking furry feet and glowing eyes.
02:16:09.000You could make something up in your head and you don't think you're doing it, but you're doing it.
02:16:15.000The human imagination and the human memory are not totally to be trusted.
02:16:21.000So unless they have actual evidence, listening to anybody talk about UFOs, you have to listen to them and go, hmm, maybe, maybe.
02:16:29.000I'm not saying That you can't get, you know, here from other planets.
02:16:33.000I mean, if you are so sophisticated that you can travel to this world from another galaxy or another solar system, why wouldn't you be so sophisticated that you could hide?
02:16:44.000Why wouldn't you be so sophisticated that your UFO is completely invisible?
02:16:48.000Why wouldn't you be totally undetectable?
02:16:50.000Why wouldn't you, I mean, maybe they would just have everything completely mastered.
02:16:54.000The idea that, you know, they would show themselves and look like they're dangling on a string, allow people to take pictures and, you know, and they, well, maybe they wanted us to see them.
02:17:14.000If there really are aliens, they're probably so alien you can't even recognize them.
02:17:19.000They're probably, I think that what we recognize is what we see in our dimension, what we see in our environment, what we see in our world.
02:17:26.000I think there's probably life forms out there that exist that are so alien to us, we don't even have the senses to detect them.
02:17:33.000And the way I've talked about this before, and I always talk about farts, and that by when someone farts, if you don't have a nose, you have no idea it stinks.
02:17:42.000There's literally something going around you that's invisible.
02:17:45.000And this sense that you have tunes into it.
02:17:47.000How do we not know that there are an infinite amount of things that we cannot detect that are around us all the time?
02:17:55.000Because something's not on the same frequency as us, something's not solid, it's not tangible, you can't bang on it, because just because of that doesn't mean it's not real.
02:18:05.000And if there are aliens, they're probably so fucking alien, you can't even see them.
02:18:11.000They're probably on a totally different frequency than we are.
02:18:14.000I'm not buying all these dudes that say they've seen UFOs because they really want to see UFOs.
02:18:37.000They have a lot of vested interests involved in the idea of flying saucers and ships from other planets coming to this earth.
02:18:43.000And there's a lot of psychological things you have to take into consideration, like why these people want to see these things and when these experiences happen.
02:18:51.000People who have individual experiences, especially alien abduction experiences, most of those things come in the middle of the night while people are dreaming.
02:18:59.000And when you're dreaming in the middle of the night, your brain is producing all sorts of psychedelic chemicals, including DMT.
02:19:05.000The most potent psychedelic known to man is produced when you're in heavy REM sleep.
02:19:09.000So when these people are having these alien abduction experiences, how do you not know that it's not your imagination mixed in with psychedelic drugs that you don't even know you're having?
02:19:18.000You're having these things and your brain is producing them and you're having these incredible fucking psychedelic trips and maybe you're halfway into a dream and you wake up and you're still tripping all these chemicals in your fucking brain and you start creating all these scenarios with your imagination.
02:19:33.000Next thing you know, you're on a spaceship.
02:20:53.000When these subjects come up, a lot of times, I've talked about all this shit many times before, but Brian has to realize there's a lot of people out there that have not seen me talk about all these things before.
02:21:01.000And when interesting subjects like this come up, you know, you got to address it.
02:21:07.000I think they're important things to talk about.
02:21:50.000If you want to come see me do stand-up, if you're in Miami, I'm at the Lincoln Theater in Miami on the 22nd, which is, I think it's next Saturday or next Friday?