The Joe Rogan Experience - September 29, 2010


Joe Rogan Experience #45 - Tom Green

Topics
video and music from 20+ years ago Jersey Shore reality TV behavior change embalming fluid smell self-mummification Insane Prank Movie controlling temper and martial arts fleshlight masturbation tool porn airtight contracts bum song 4chan prank calls aliens UFO videos disclosure project
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Tom Green
Mentioned
Tom Green Live Brian Callen Freddy Got Fingered Bill Barr Kool-Aid Susan Boyle Buddha Stephen Hawking Thai Buddhas Eminem Ricky Schroeder Doug Stanhope Greg Giraldo John Boogie Down Productions Marshall Mathers Mark Parenteau Carson Daly Sarah Palin Mike Young and 61 more
Joe Rogan Experience #44 - Todd McCormick (Part 2) JRE MMA Show #46 with Ari Shaffir

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 58 minutes

Words per minute

211.12

Word count

24,972

Sentence count

2,966

Harmful content

Misogyny

69

sentences flagged

Toxicity

681

sentences flagged

Hate speech

40

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Comedian Greg Giraldo has passed away at the age of 49, and it's a sad day in the comedy world, and we're here to pay our respects. We're joined by comedian Tom Green to remember him, and to talk about some of the things that made him a great stand-up comic, and how he was a great friend of ours. We also talk about the new microphones we're using to record the show, and what we're doing to make the audio better, and some other things that we're trying to do to make it better for the future of the show. We're also joined by our new sponsor, The Fleshlight! Shure SM58 microphones, and a new set up we're working on to make this show better than it was before. We'd like to thank Shure for all the support they've given us over the past few years, and especially for the microphones they've been working on the show and the equipment they've provided us with. We can't thank them enough. Thank you, Shure! It means the world to us, and our thoughts and prayers go out to his family, friends, family, and all the people affected by this terrible news. We'll see you soon. - Tom and Rogan Tom Green - The Folllight Mics - Scentless and the Fleshlight - Shure's new mics - And much more! - Thank you so much for sponsoring the show! XOXO - Tom Green and the Felllight Thanks for listening to this show, Tom Green is a great guy, and thank you for being a good friend of mine, and I hope you enjoy this show and I can't wait to come back next week with more of your support, I'll be back with a better version of this show next week. XO - ROGAN AND RODAN - - THE FALLLLLLLLLELLLEADER - AND THE FILLED LITTER - ROGO'S PODCAST - RYAN DADDY - RAYO RAYA - RICKY BONUS EPISODES - RODA SONGS, RAY AND GARALDO (RIP, RODY'S BONDS AND TAYLOR SONDS, RODY'S SON

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 According to server right now.
00:00:02.000 Lots to look at in this room too.
00:00:04.000 Lots of skulls and things we can...
00:00:11.000 This is a video that someone did with Greg Giraldo.
00:00:17.000 Greg Giraldo doing stand-up and ranting while they played music in the background.
00:00:22.000 For those of you that didn't know, Greg Gerardo overdosed and today he died.
00:00:27.000 Thank you.
00:04:53.000 So, if you didn't know, Greg Giraldo, very funny, very smart, very clever stand-up comedian, passed away.
00:05:00.000 And they're talking about it on the news today, so I guess it's official.
00:05:05.000 Sucks. 1.00
00:05:06.000 Sucks. 1.00
00:05:07.000 What can you say? 0.99
00:05:07.000 He's a very nice guy. 0.99
00:05:08.000 I didn't know him that well.
00:05:10.000 I was on news radio.
00:05:11.000 He was on a show.
00:05:13.000 I forget the name of it, but his set was right down the street from my set.
00:05:17.000 So I hung out with him, you know, quite a few times.
00:05:19.000 Super friendly.
00:05:20.000 Very nice guy.
00:05:21.000 Very smart.
00:05:23.000 You know, he just...
00:05:24.000 I don't know what happened.
00:05:25.000 I know he had had some substance things in the past, but I thought...
00:05:30.000 Who knows?
00:05:32.000 I don't know if this was an accident, if he just was partying.
00:05:36.000 I don't know.
00:05:37.000 Did you see him on the roast, the Hasselhoff roast?
00:05:39.000 No.
00:05:40.000 A lot of people noted something about him that seemed different than normal, but...
00:05:43.000 What'd they say?
00:05:44.000 They seem to be very coked up.
00:05:46.000 Coked up?
00:05:47.000 Yeah, that's what the quote-unquote look and style was.
00:05:51.000 But I, you know, I wouldn't say that.
00:05:53.000 I can't say that.
00:05:54.000 I look coked up and I've never done coke ever.
00:05:55.000 Exactly.
00:05:56.000 People always say, Rogan, lay off the coke, you're all coked up.
00:05:59.000 I've never even done coke once.
00:06:00.000 I've never done coke.
00:06:01.000 Tom Green is with us, ladies and gentlemen.
00:06:03.000 If you don't know, the sound of this man's voice to my right.
00:06:06.000 This guy is the reason why I'm doing this.
00:06:08.000 Sort of a somber occasion to be here.
00:06:10.000 And it was nice to be able to listen to some of his comedy today on this obviously a sad occasion.
00:06:18.000 He had some great stuff.
00:06:19.000 He was a good dude, too.
00:06:20.000 He was awesome on roasts. 0.58
00:06:21.000 On roasts, he would destroy guys.
00:06:23.000 Just perfectly, where there was nothing they could...
00:06:27.000 Well, Leary did that to him on Tough Crowd.
00:06:30.000 That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen on video. 0.98
00:06:33.000 And he wasn't even an asshole about it. 1.00
00:06:35.000 He could have been way more of an asshole about it. 1.00
00:06:37.000 He did it with a lot of reserve. 1.00
00:06:42.000 He was a very nice guy.
00:06:43.000 It's been a tough year.
00:06:44.000 Robert Schimmel just passed away as well.
00:06:50.000 I just...
00:06:53.000 Can I change the topic now?
00:06:54.000 Sure.
00:06:56.000 I'm getting upset.
00:06:56.000 To be honest, you're getting me upset.
00:06:58.000 We have to say thank our sponsor.
00:07:00.000 We're sponsored by The Fleshlight.
00:07:01.000 Yes.
00:07:02.000 Yeah, I know.
00:07:03.000 First of all, this is cool to be here.
00:07:06.000 It's exciting to be here.
00:07:07.000 Thanks for having me up to the show.
00:07:09.000 Thank you for being here, man.
00:07:10.000 If it wasn't for you, I would have never even thought to have done this.
00:07:13.000 When I went over to your house, when you had me over to your house for your show, and he has...
00:07:17.000 This is what we're doing here.
00:07:18.000 We have a couch.
00:07:19.000 We have some microphones.
00:07:20.000 We have a desk that I bought at Z Gallery.
00:07:22.000 Yeah, this is awesome. 0.97
00:07:23.000 This is fucking as low-rent as you can get. 0.96
00:07:25.000 This is a little Logitech webcam. 0.99
00:07:27.000 But Tom has a serious, serious setup at his place.
00:07:31.000 His place is, don't be showing everybody our secrets, man.
00:07:33.000 But this is a whole different system you guys have here, which is cool.
00:07:37.000 It's cool to watch, and I'm seeing how you're broadcasting here.
00:07:40.000 Our audio was terrible for the longest time, so we had to tighten it up.
00:07:44.000 So people complained, and we listened, so we went out and bought all this fucking crazy equipment, and we've got it down.
00:07:49.000 Now we have new microphones. 0.97
00:07:50.000 We just tried them yesterday.
00:07:51.000 Oh, these are new microphones.
00:07:53.000 We used to use stage mics, like the mics you use for stand-up, which are great if you're holding them up to your mouth.
00:07:59.000 I don't remember the exact.
00:08:01.000 But there's a silver one?
00:08:02.000 Shure something.
00:08:03.000 Shure?
00:08:03.000 S-C-H-U-R-E. Shure SM58. Look that up on Google, everybody.
00:08:08.000 We are now on some Audio-Technica microphones.
00:08:10.000 That's right.
00:08:12.000 They seem to be much better.
00:08:13.000 These are actually for this.
00:08:15.000 On my show, I don't have the headphones because we're trying to make it like it's not a radio show.
00:08:20.000 This is like a radio show.
00:08:21.000 Sort of, yeah.
00:08:22.000 I did a radio show in college at Ottawa University at CHU 89.1 FM.
00:08:28.000 Look that up.
00:08:28.000 It's an added element to the conversation when you hear each other's voices.
00:08:32.000 You can hear your voice right there in your ear.
00:08:36.000 The secret is definitely the double cassette player that we use though.
00:08:40.000 What's that?
00:08:41.000 Double cassette player.
00:08:42.000 Our secrets, you know?
00:08:43.000 Our tech secrets of how we run this podcast.
00:08:46.000 Oh, yeah.
00:08:47.000 That is good, yeah.
00:08:48.000 Laser disc players and double cassette.
00:08:50.000 They're running YouTube videos off an 8-track.
00:08:54.000 Battery operated only.
00:08:55.000 You don't want any interference.
00:08:56.000 Yeah, it's very...
00:08:58.000 What's the word?
00:09:00.000 When something's all helter-skelter.
00:09:05.000 Gorilla.
00:09:05.000 It's a smorgasbork of wires.
00:09:07.000 It's a ridiculous pile of shit. 1.00
00:09:09.000 Helter-skelter. 1.00
00:09:10.000 No previous knowledge.
00:09:12.000 You can see the evolution of the podcast like amoebas becoming fish.
00:09:16.000 You can watch the whole thing.
00:09:17.000 We owe it all to Amazon too.
00:09:19.000 Yeah, Amazon.com. 1.00
00:09:20.000 One click is a motherfucker. 1.00
00:09:21.000 What do you need? 1.00
00:09:22.000 We need one of these.
00:09:22.000 Bam!
00:09:23.000 But this is fun.
00:09:24.000 In college, I did my radio show.
00:09:27.000 It was a phone and show.
00:09:28.000 I'd go there every Friday night at midnight.
00:09:30.000 It was called The Midnight Caller.
00:09:31.000 I did this show for six years.
00:09:34.000 Not even when I was in high school and then after when I was in community college.
00:09:38.000 I took television broadcasting at Algonquin College in Ottawa, Canada.
00:09:43.000 Named after the Algonquin Indians.
00:09:45.000 Now, I've always been curious about television broadcasting.
00:09:48.000 When you take a course like that, what do they have you do?
00:09:51.000 Do you pretend to be like a newscaster?
00:09:53.000 It's mostly technical, like it wasn't on camera.
00:09:57.000 There was one on-camera course, but it was mostly like editing, video editing, lighting, photography, how to work a video camera, how to set all your technical stuff.
00:10:09.000 And we had...
00:10:10.000 We had one broadcast news writing course, and we had some single camera video production and film type courses.
00:10:19.000 But it was mostly technical. 0.97
00:10:22.000 It must be hard as fuck to keep up. 0.96
00:10:24.000 You learn how to video edit from a few years ago. 0.99
00:10:29.000 If you graduated a few years ago, now you go to...
00:10:31.000 We were learning how to do it on a three-quarter inch videocassette.
00:10:34.000 The videotapes are this big.
00:10:36.000 You put them in this bunt. 1.00
00:10:37.000 I've seen those.
00:10:38.000 And it's like two A, B roll, two videotapes.
00:10:42.000 Then we got high eight.
00:10:43.000 This was before computers, editing, computer editing.
00:10:47.000 They had Avid's and stuff, but not at the school.
00:10:50.000 They were too expensive at that point.
00:10:51.000 I edited it on Paintbrush.
00:10:52.000 Yeah.
00:10:53.000 Oh, yeah?
00:10:53.000 I started off with Paintbrush.
00:10:54.000 Did you really?
00:10:55.000 Yeah, movies on Paintbrush.
00:10:56.000 It's unbelievable what you can do now, right? 0.99
00:10:58.000 It's just iMovie on your fucking iPhone. 0.99
00:11:01.000 That's the most incredible thing. 0.99
00:11:02.000 You can produce something, attach music to it, edit it, all on your phone.
00:11:06.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:11:06.000 On your fucking phone, man. 1.00
00:11:07.000 In HD. It's amazing. 1.00
00:11:09.000 It's like we're in strange, strange times.
00:11:12.000 Yeah, I'm getting the new iPhone within the next couple days just because my friend just got it and I'm jealous.
00:11:18.000 Yeah, it's an envious thing. 0.99
00:11:20.000 That's the motherfucker of devices. 1.00
00:11:22.000 He picks it up. 1.00
00:11:23.000 He's shooting...
00:11:25.000 High-def video.
00:11:28.000 Have you seen it?
00:11:30.000 Touch the screen.
00:11:31.000 Oh, you have one.
00:11:32.000 Oh, you got one already, too.
00:11:34.000 Brian and I are super geeked out.
00:11:35.000 You have one, too?
00:11:37.000 We're total technology geeks.
00:11:38.000 I have the oldest iPhone ever.
00:11:40.000 Are you serious?
00:11:41.000 My iPhone is the old one.
00:11:43.000 Oh, you got it.
00:11:44.000 That thing has a crank on it, man.
00:11:45.000 That thing runs on wood. 1.00
00:11:47.000 The resolution is insane.
00:11:50.000 The photos are insane.
00:11:52.000 Unbelievable, yeah.
00:11:53.000 It's just amazing that we've got a device like that. 0.99
00:11:56.000 That is like some serious Star Trek shit. 0.98
00:11:59.000 It slowly crept up on us from the Motorola Razr to Microsoft Office phones. 1.00
00:12:04.000 And then when it gets to this iPhone, I mean, that is a fucking home computer. 0.98
00:12:07.000 I can no longer be proud of this. 0.98
00:12:09.000 This is the way I used to feel about this.
00:12:11.000 Well, it still looks good.
00:12:12.000 As long as you keep the case on it.
00:12:14.000 Can you swear on the show? 1.00
00:12:15.000 Yeah, you can swear on the motherfucker. 1.00
00:12:17.000 This is some old piece of shit, is what this is. 1.00
00:12:20.000 That's the sad thing about technology, and that's probably only a few months old, right? 1.00
00:12:23.000 Yeah.
00:12:24.000 This is two years old.
00:12:26.000 They have soundboards.
00:12:27.000 Have you played these soundboards?
00:12:29.000 No.
00:12:30.000 Oh, you know, I did the IMT Pain download.
00:12:34.000 I enjoy that.
00:12:35.000 I enjoy doing the IMT Pain app.
00:12:38.000 We're talking obscure iPhone apps.
00:12:39.000 Yeah, that's a good one.
00:12:40.000 It's an auto-tune.
00:12:42.000 So you've always, from your time in broadcasting school to now, you've always been really involved in the technology of the behind-the-scenes stuff.
00:12:51.000 You know, I kind of figured, when I was in high school, and I thought it'd be fun to, you know, Do a TV show someday, is basically what I thought.
00:13:00.000 I was watching David Letterman at night, and I was thinking, man, that would be the most fun thing to ever do, I was thinking.
00:13:07.000 And little did I know.
00:13:10.000 No, it's a lot of fun doing this stuff.
00:13:12.000 But the thing is, you know...
00:13:17.000 Sometimes.
00:13:17.000 Sometimes it's not so fun.
00:13:18.000 But the thing is, no one's ever going to let me do a show.
00:13:23.000 I'm going to have to go do a show at the public access station.
00:13:26.000 We'll make our own show.
00:13:27.000 I went to school, learned how to make the videos, went to the public access station, started the show.
00:13:33.000 Wow.
00:13:33.000 Did it for seven years.
00:13:35.000 Well, you became very popular because of your public access show.
00:13:38.000 That's what got you started off.
00:13:39.000 You're also a rap star, too, though.
00:13:41.000 It's basically what got picked up by MTV was the Public Access show.
00:13:44.000 And it had a Canadian rap group.
00:13:45.000 Yeah, that was before the Public Access show.
00:13:47.000 That was when I was a kid.
00:13:48.000 Yeah, rapping.
00:13:49.000 Yeah, people, they see this man, and he's very white, and he has a beard, and he's very conservative-looking, very polite.
00:13:58.000 You don't know, he's a badass rapper.
00:13:59.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:14:00.000 Tom Green can rap his fucking ass off. 1.00
00:14:02.000 I was listening to your shit today, man. 1.00
00:14:03.000 Do you have anything on YouTube that you could throw up? 1.00
00:14:05.000 Yeah, I got it right here.
00:14:06.000 Really?
00:14:06.000 Yeah, let me hear a Tom Green rap.
00:14:08.000 Yeah.
00:14:09.000 I love rap music, man. 0.99
00:14:10.000 I take shit for it. 0.99
00:14:11.000 I make beats, and I also... 1.00
00:14:14.000 See, that's the other thing.
00:14:15.000 Before I started doing the video editing and wanted to do that, I made beats at home.
00:14:18.000 So I had my own little Atari computer hooked up to a Kai sampler and a keyboard.
00:14:24.000 Yeah, that's cool.
00:14:24.000 I had the camera with the monitor.
00:14:26.000 Is this it?
00:14:26.000 Are you playing it right now?
00:14:27.000 Oh, this is...
00:14:28.000 You're playing something.
00:14:30.000 Actually, it's kind of funny when you play music, because we recorded this song 20...
00:14:38.000 22 years ago or something like that.
00:14:40.000 And we were kids, you know, and our teenagers.
00:14:44.000 And this is us walking around downtown.
00:14:48.000 When is you?
00:14:49.000 Tell me when it's you.
00:14:50.000 I'm the one in the red jacket.
00:14:52.000 And I made the music which is essentially a sample That's my friend Greg Greg Campbell.
00:15:07.000 You guys are from Ottawa?
00:15:09.000 Yeah, from Ottawa.
00:15:12.000 Yeah, so it was fun.
00:15:13.000 We actually got a record deal when we were in high school, and the song and the video was playing on TV and everything.
00:15:20.000 It was a very exciting time for two young rappers from Ottawa.
00:15:26.000 This video won the 1992 Much Music Video Award, CMVA Award.
00:15:33.000 We performed live on the On the CMVA awards and I covered myself with shaving cream for no reason and got up in the lens of the camera, covered myself in shaving cream.
00:15:44.000 So we weren't like the sort of hard core.
00:15:49.000 Have you auto-tuned this yet?
00:15:50.000 Have you tried to remix?
00:15:52.000 No, that's me rapping.
00:15:55.000 See?
00:15:58.000 Walking through the grocery store.
00:16:00.000 Let me hear this.
00:16:01.000 I love Public Enemy.
00:16:03.000 But this is old, though. 1.00
00:16:06.000 You gotta hear my new shit. 1.00
00:16:07.000 You gotta hear my new shit. 1.00
00:16:08.000 Alright, where can we get some of your new shit? 1.00
00:16:09.000 I don't know. 0.99
00:16:10.000 It's probably floating around.
00:16:11.000 No, this is the one to look at.
00:16:13.000 This is the one to look at.
00:16:14.000 This is really good, man.
00:16:16.000 I've had a lot of fun, surprising...
00:16:21.000 Rappers that have come on my web show.
00:16:23.000 Actually, that's a funny clip you could show.
00:16:25.000 Oh, were you in...
00:16:26.000 Who was it?
00:16:26.000 Exhibit, yeah.
00:16:28.000 You can go look at it on YouTube.
00:16:31.000 Go to that.
00:16:32.000 It's funny because he starts cracking up in sort of a funny moment, you know, where he's...
00:16:37.000 Did you initially want to be a rapper before you became a comedian?
00:16:43.000 Not really, no.
00:16:44.000 I was in high school and I thought...
00:16:48.000 It was a fun thing to do on stage at the assemblies.
00:16:53.000 They had a battle of the bands night.
00:16:55.000 It was an excuse to get up on stage, so we made this rap group.
00:16:59.000 I liked listening to it.
00:17:02.000 Nobody knew what rap music was in my...
00:17:06.000 I was listening to Boogie Down Productions, NWA, Public Enemy, which was not Tribe Called Quest.
00:17:16.000 These groups weren't really mainstream yet on the radio in Canada in the 80s and 90s.
00:17:22.000 But yeah, so, but you know what?
00:17:23.000 I was thinking about this the other day.
00:17:24.000 Rap music back then is kind of like, it kind of provided what the internet provides now, which is a glimpse into other parts of the world, other places.
00:17:36.000 You know, here was, we were in Canada, and we're listening to these songs coming out of New York, coming out, you know, Boogie Down Productions out of the South Bronx, and we're listening to them telling all these tales of life on the streets in the South Bronx, and you're listening to this, and you're going on a cassette, you know, and you're listening to it, and you're Walkman on the way to school, and Criminal-minded, the record, and you're like, oh man, listen to these stories.
00:17:56.000 I was thinking about that driving over here today.
00:18:00.000 It's kind of sad because in a way that might be something that disappears from music now because of the internet.
00:18:05.000 Maybe that's going to screw up music.
00:18:07.000 Let's not be negative.
00:18:08.000 Well, because we don't have to go to music now to get those kinds of I guess we would listen to them on the internet.
00:18:14.000 I think anything good is going to stick around.
00:18:16.000 There's not going to be anything that's awesome that's going to go away.
00:18:19.000 Everybody's like, oh, this is going to be the death of music.
00:18:21.000 How can anything be the death of music when everybody loves music? 0.97
00:18:24.000 That's ridiculous. 0.76
00:18:25.000 It'll be the death of comedy. 0.58
00:18:27.000 I guess I'm more curious to see how it'll affect it or how it'll evolve.
00:18:31.000 It'll be good.
00:18:32.000 It'll be good.
00:18:33.000 Yeah.
00:18:33.000 Well, now there's so many more places that people want to make music and just distribute their music to, right?
00:18:38.000 So it's perfect.
00:18:38.000 So many more people have access.
00:18:39.000 It's perfect.
00:18:40.000 Just us.
00:18:41.000 The fact that we can do this.
00:18:42.000 The fact that we can do this and just broadcast talking over the internet.
00:18:45.000 This is just...
00:18:46.000 You can become famous from bands.
00:18:48.000 That little kid?
00:18:49.000 The one that sang that cover of the Lady Gaga song?
00:18:52.000 Justin Bieber.
00:18:52.000 No, no.
00:18:52.000 Oh, yeah.
00:18:53.000 The one on Ellen.
00:18:54.000 Ellen gave a record deal. 1.00
00:18:55.000 Fucking... 0.99
00:18:55.000 That was brilliant, dude. 0.99
00:18:56.000 That was like some...
00:18:57.000 That gave me goosebumps.
00:18:58.000 Yeah.
00:18:59.000 I listened to that kid sing.
00:19:00.000 It gave me goosebumps.
00:19:01.000 I made my whole family listen to it.
00:19:02.000 I was like, this is incredible. 0.99
00:19:03.000 This kid's so fucking talented. 0.98
00:19:04.000 And he's in a high school... 0.99
00:19:07.000 Was it even high school?
00:19:08.000 No.
00:19:09.000 No, it was like a middle school.
00:19:10.000 And what was cool about the video was it was all girls listening in the background.
00:19:14.000 You could see the girls were into it. 1.00
00:19:15.000 They were crushing.
00:19:16.000 They were crushing on him.
00:19:18.000 That was cool.
00:19:18.000 They couldn't help themselves.
00:19:19.000 They were a little moistening while they were sitting up.
00:19:22.000 They were like 13. It was interesting.
00:19:24.000 This one girl was going, oh my god. 0.99
00:19:27.000 They couldn't believe it, you know?
00:19:28.000 That's sort of the...
00:19:30.000 That we have to play.
00:19:31.000 Play that, man. 1.00
00:19:31.000 Find that shit and play it. 1.00
00:19:33.000 We're not going to play the whole thing for people like, what is this, the fucking music show? 1.00
00:19:36.000 It's on LN. Yeah, you know what? 0.98
00:19:38.000 Fuck it. 1.00
00:19:39.000 Go find it yourself. 1.00
00:19:40.000 That's the dream in high school, though.
00:19:41.000 To get up on stage, say something or do something that everybody in the entire school is staring at you like Michael J. Fox in the Back to the Future playing the guitar on the stage like you're from outer space or something.
00:19:53.000 What a weird pressure that is for children to want to stand out like that.
00:19:56.000 That's got to be so strange for kids.
00:19:58.000 I don't remember the feeling myself, but if you wanted to be... 0.98
00:20:00.000 Some sort of an actor or something, and you were 10, and you were in school, and you saw some girl that was on a show, and she was 10, and you're like, what the fuck? 0.91
00:20:08.000 How come I can't be on that show? 0.94
00:20:10.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:20:11.000 That's a terrible way to be raising kids, thinking about getting the most attention possible for almost nothing, like instantaneously become famous.
00:20:20.000 So everything that your parents, all the character that gets developed from hard work, that's all nonsense.
00:20:24.000 I made it already.
00:20:25.000 Bang! 1.00
00:20:25.000 Shut up. 1.00
00:20:26.000 14 and made it. 1.00
00:20:27.000 Yeah.
00:20:28.000 They put too much pressure on people, huh?
00:20:30.000 Look at Lindsay Lohan.
00:20:31.000 Especially in this day and age now where, yeah, you're seeing it.
00:20:34.000 It's in your face all the time, you know, man?
00:20:36.000 You could swear, dude. 1.00
00:20:37.000 All the fucking time, man. 1.00
00:20:38.000 They're shoving this shit down our fucking throats. 1.00
00:20:41.000 Okay. 1.00
00:20:41.000 It's true. 1.00
00:20:42.000 But we're shoving it down our own throats.
00:20:43.000 We don't have to get upset.
00:20:44.000 The strangest thing about Hollywood is that Hollywood's tricking the very people that make it.
00:20:47.000 Yeah.
00:20:48.000 You know, there's the grand conspiracy theory is that, like, man, you know, Hollywood is trying to condition us to be, like, subservient to our government, man, and be patriotic.
00:21:00.000 But no, Hollywood is giving you what you want to see.
00:21:02.000 Yeah.
00:21:03.000 Hollywood's giving you what you want to see, and they're doing what they like, too. 1.00
00:21:06.000 They're making the kind of stupid shit that they like to watch. 0.99
00:21:09.000 yeah you know it's like the the people that are creating it are just as much of a victim of the the conditioning as the people that they're selling it to people don't realize that they think it's some grand scheme no supply and demand yeah people want to see uh sex tapes and then see the people go do shows and watch their lives and sort of see everything and know everything right do you watch uh jersey shore i i've I've only seen it once, but I enjoyed it a lot. 1.00
00:21:36.000 I laughed a lot watching the show.
00:21:39.000 I watched it for the first time.
00:21:41.000 Those guys are pretty funny too, right?
00:21:44.000 I've only seen it once.
00:21:45.000 They're hamming it up to the camera.
00:21:47.000 They're having a good time.
00:21:47.000 Yeah, you're watching people...
00:21:50.000 You're being voyeuristic into a completely different world.
00:21:53.000 I'm so stuck with the hills, though, and everything like that.
00:21:57.000 I don't buy the Jersey Shore.
00:21:58.000 I almost think everything's fake now on MTV. Well, apparently it's all set up, but I don't care.
00:22:02.000 It's encouraging bad behavior.
00:22:04.000 Even if it's fake, it's like these people are like, wow. 0.99
00:22:08.000 You watch it, it's like watching a National Geographic special on some fucking tribe that they found in the jungle. 0.99
00:22:12.000 They don't even seem like humans. 0.99
00:22:15.000 But it's pretty funny, man. 1.00
00:22:17.000 And all they're trying to do is get their dick sucked in. 1.00
00:22:19.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:22:20.000 It's really kind of funny because it's real.
00:22:23.000 I mean, that really is what that guy's doing. 0.99
00:22:24.000 He's just trying to fucking hit it every night. 0.99
00:22:26.000 Different girls all over the place. 1.00
00:22:28.000 He's showing you his abs and he's going to clubs and girls are going.
00:22:31.000 I mean, it's working.
00:22:33.000 It's working.
00:22:33.000 He's pulling it off and it's working.
00:22:35.000 I think the thing that's bizarre about all the reality TV, though, is not to overanalyze it.
00:22:40.000 I guess maybe I'd be overanalyzing it at that point.
00:22:42.000 We were talking about my broadcasting course.
00:22:43.000 They taught us about, you know, documentation and making documentary.
00:22:46.000 We had a documentary filmmaking course, and they talk about when you put a camera on something, right, it changes what you're filming, right?
00:22:51.000 So you can never really make a true documentary of anything, because as soon as you put the camera on it, it's going to change...
00:22:57.000 What's going on?
00:22:57.000 Like in this case, you put the camera on all these kids in the Jersey Shore, right?
00:23:01.000 And they're like, okay, we've got to go crazy for the camera.
00:23:03.000 So they go getting in fights.
00:23:05.000 That's true.
00:23:06.000 And then people are going to watch that, and it's going to get worse and worse.
00:23:09.000 And then people are going to have to get more fights.
00:23:10.000 People are going to have snuff film, television. 0.51
00:23:14.000 Nah, I don't think we'll ever get to that point.
00:23:16.000 People don't want to see that kind of negative stuff.
00:23:18.000 They want to be fascinated by closed doors.
00:23:21.000 Total recall.
00:23:22.000 Faces of death.
00:23:22.000 They want the couple to make out and then close the door.
00:23:26.000 That's why they want it to stop.
00:23:27.000 Yeah.
00:23:28.000 It's all fascinating to me, man, because it's so easy to change behavior by just putting a camera on it.
00:23:33.000 If that's really the case, if all you have to do is add a camera, add the fact that other people are going to get to see it and it changes everything, no, they're still doing this.
00:23:39.000 Even if they're faking it and acting it out, I don't care.
00:23:42.000 They're still doing all this stuff on the show.
00:23:44.000 And to me, look, it's like some sort of a National Geographic special.
00:23:48.000 It really is.
00:23:49.000 Yeah.
00:23:49.000 I want to watch it more.
00:23:50.000 Yeah, I can't help myself.
00:23:51.000 I have to watch it more.
00:23:52.000 So it really is.
00:23:54.000 They think they just get used to the camera and that's just the way they would be living life.
00:23:57.000 I grew up with people like that. 0.77
00:23:59.000 They're chimps.
00:24:00.000 They're chimps and they're everywhere. 1.00
00:24:02.000 There's a bunch of chimps out there with gold chains on. 1.00
00:24:05.000 They're just out there running around not giving a fuck about how the world works. 0.99
00:24:10.000 That's exactly what it's like in the Jersey Shore. 0.99
00:24:12.000 I knew dudes from back when I was in high school that did not give a fuck how the world works. 0.98
00:24:17.000 Yeah. 0.96
00:24:18.000 All they wanted, they worked.
00:24:19.000 They were electricians.
00:24:21.000 They would work. 0.99
00:24:21.000 And then when they'd get off work, they'd want to get fucked up and go get laid. 0.99
00:24:24.000 And they didn't know anything. 0.98
00:24:26.000 They didn't know what was going on.
00:24:27.000 They had no idea. 0.99
00:24:28.000 Didn't give a fuck. 0.99
00:24:28.000 Didn't pay attention. 0.99
00:24:29.000 What am I going to do? 1.00
00:24:29.000 Am I going to follow fucking politics? 1.00
00:24:31.000 I'm going to go out and get my dick sucked. 1.00
00:24:32.000 Come on. 1.00
00:24:32.000 What am I going to do here? 1.00
00:24:33.000 What am I going to do?
00:24:34.000 Am I going to follow politics? 1.00
00:24:36.000 That shit ain't real, yo. 1.00
00:24:38.000 That shit ain't real. 1.00
00:24:39.000 I grew up with dudes like that, so when I see them putting cameras on people like that, I go, oh no. 1.00
00:24:44.000 They gave these savages a fucking camera? 0.99
00:24:47.000 They gave them airtime? 1.00
00:24:48.000 Actually, now I'm starting to...
00:24:49.000 I'm a little bit mad at myself that I haven't watched it more.
00:24:52.000 I think I've been withdrawing a little bit from television the last couple of years.
00:24:59.000 Purposely...
00:24:59.000 Not watching anything other than CNN, actually, is pretty well all I'd watch.
00:25:03.000 I don't even watch American Idol.
00:25:05.000 I watched American Idol because everybody watched it.
00:25:06.000 I don't watch that.
00:25:07.000 I don't watch that anymore. 0.99
00:25:09.000 I used to like watching the people suck in the beginning. 1.00
00:25:12.000 But then I'm like, what's wrong with you, you sick fuck? 1.00
00:25:14.000 You want to watch people fail? 1.00
00:25:16.000 I was like, how's that fun?
00:25:17.000 Every now and then you see one that's brilliant.
00:25:19.000 Well, guess what?
00:25:20.000 I'll find that one on YouTube.
00:25:21.000 Tell me some amazing thing like that Susan...
00:25:24.000 What was her name?
00:25:25.000 The one who really sang?
00:25:26.000 Yeah, Susan Boyle.
00:25:29.000 Boyle?
00:25:29.000 Susan Boyle?
00:25:30.000 Susan Boyle.
00:25:30.000 Yeah, I mean, that was fascinating.
00:25:32.000 I mean, that was really incredible.
00:25:34.000 I mean, she had an amazing voice. 0.99
00:25:35.000 But how many hours do I have to sit through of bullshit before I get to that? 0.98
00:25:38.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:25:40.000 And it was the perfect moment, and it was just sort of the perfect, perfect thing that happened there. 0.84
00:25:43.000 You know, to me, the thing is, I used to like the beginning when they were, you know, fucking up, too, at the beginning, and they'd be making fools of themselves at the beginning. 0.82
00:25:50.000 But now it seems like the people coming in are coming in on purpose to be bad. 0.99
00:25:53.000 On purpose to fuck up. 0.99
00:25:54.000 Oh, you know, I don't know. 0.99
00:25:54.000 I can't watch that anymore. 0.99
00:25:55.000 Yeah.
00:25:56.000 And then the music all sucks on the radio now because it all comes out of that same thing, right? 0.98
00:26:00.000 It doesn't all suck, man. 0.97
00:26:01.000 It's all coming out of that same funnel. 0.58
00:26:03.000 It's like, oh, we got to do a really good Jefferson Airplane impression, you know?
00:26:08.000 You think so?
00:26:08.000 I can't stand the new music.
00:26:10.000 There's always good stuff, man.
00:26:12.000 You just got to find it.
00:26:13.000 There's just so much stuff.
00:26:14.000 Well, that's the problem.
00:26:15.000 See, I don't know how to find it.
00:26:16.000 I agree.
00:26:17.000 I know there is good stuff.
00:26:18.000 Because there is good stuff that I find and hear sometimes. 0.97
00:26:20.000 But just going through life now, like when you're walking, you're in an elevator, you're walking through a mall, or you're listening to the radio or the mainstream stuff, it's all this shit. 0.96
00:26:29.000 Yeah, that's true. 0.95
00:26:31.000 I don't listen to college radio anymore.
00:26:33.000 I don't know what the station is.
00:26:36.000 So I don't know how to find the cool underground stuff.
00:26:38.000 Do you do Pandora at all?
00:26:40.000 Yeah, I do do that, but I don't know what to type into a search.
00:26:42.000 It's your favorite people.
00:26:44.000 You know when you're in school and stuff and you're around people, but I'm in my living room. 0.95
00:26:49.000 You know what really sucks, man?
00:26:50.000 The loss of the DJ. The loss of the DJ. The DJ to me is one of the things I miss the most about the radio, about growing up and listening to the radio. 0.95
00:27:00.000 I would listen to guys and listen to the shit that they liked to listen to. 0.93
00:27:03.000 They were cool guys. 0.99
00:27:07.000 Charles Laquadera was this guy who used to do the big mattress show on, I think it was WBCN. BCN or COZ, back in Boston.
00:27:15.000 And it was like this morning show where he would go on, and it was a comedy show, and they would fuck around, but he would play songs too. 1.00
00:27:21.000 And he played the shit that he wanted to hear. 0.99
00:27:24.000 Yeah, and you're like, that guy's funny. 1.00
00:27:25.000 I like that guy's point of view.
00:27:27.000 That's the music he likes.
00:27:29.000 There was this guy, Mark Parenteau.
00:27:30.000 Mark Parenteau was the afternoon DJ, and he was a big supporter of comedy, too. 0.98
00:27:36.000 He always did comedy competitions and shit. 0.99
00:27:37.000 And he would play the shit that he wanted to hear. 0.99
00:27:39.000 And you got a sense of, like, this cool guy likes this music. 0.99
00:27:43.000 He'd tell you why he likes this song, what's so badass about it, check it out.
00:27:47.000 Bam! 0.98
00:27:47.000 And he plays it, and it's like, that's a show. 0.98
00:27:50.000 That's a show.
00:27:51.000 What they're doing now is just...
00:27:53.000 Sticking all sorts of songs that they think they can get you to pay attention to together, and then they throw them in there.
00:28:00.000 There's no one personality behind it.
00:28:04.000 I don't think the radio DJs really have much of a choice in what they put on the air anymore.
00:28:09.000 No, they don't.
00:28:10.000 There's an art to that, man. 0.97
00:28:11.000 There's an art to being a true fan of the music and going out there and listening to different stuff and collecting your own favorites and saying, look at this cool shit that I got. 0.96
00:28:20.000 That's what I miss. 0.93
00:28:21.000 That's what I'm trying to say I miss.
00:28:22.000 Right there.
00:28:22.000 Because it's like now, you listen to the radio, it's all been focus group, tested out.
00:28:26.000 This is this.
00:28:27.000 This sounds like this.
00:28:28.000 This is the so-and-so from American Idol.
00:28:30.000 American Idol.
00:28:30.000 This sounds like American Idol.
00:28:31.000 This all sounds like a...
00:28:33.000 And it all sounds the same to me.
00:28:34.000 Brian and I have very similar tastes.
00:28:36.000 And I sound like an old guy now.
00:28:37.000 Now I sound like an old guy, right?
00:28:38.000 Because I just turned 39 years old.
00:28:39.000 I just turned 39. You don't sound like an old guy.
00:28:42.000 One year, from 40, and I'm starting to sound like my dad saying, none of the music today is good.
00:28:48.000 It's not like it was back when I was a kid.
00:28:49.000 Everybody says that.
00:28:50.000 But there's good stuff, you just have to find it.
00:28:52.000 It's just hard to do. 0.93
00:28:53.000 Brian and I have very similar tastes, and Brian is always finding me cool shit. 0.60
00:28:57.000 He's an internet fiend. 0.89
00:29:00.000 He's always connecting.
00:29:01.000 I always look forward to it. 0.99
00:29:04.000 New cool shit is fun, man. 0.99
00:29:05.000 There's a lot of it out there. 0.99
00:29:06.000 It's just there's so much to sift through.
00:29:09.000 There's so much data.
00:29:10.000 Pandora helps me the most. 0.97
00:29:11.000 Just being at a club and hearing a really good DJ, and I'll hook up the Shazam or whatever, and then that shit finds me some crazy stuff.
00:29:18.000 Shazam, if you don't know, if you don't have that program on your phone, it's the most incredible thing. 0.89
00:29:22.000 You wouldn't even believe it's real.
00:29:23.000 You hold your phone up to a speaker, Oh, yeah.
00:29:28.000 It plays the song, and it tells you what the song is, and it lets you buy it on your phone.
00:29:31.000 SoundSnap actually lets you hum a song, so you'd be like...
00:29:34.000 I told that to Eddie, and he's like, that's impossible.
00:29:37.000 He's trying to tell me about music chords, and this and that, and that, and this.
00:29:40.000 I'm like, I'm telling you, they do it.
00:29:41.000 That's what it is.
00:29:43.000 It's just waveforms.
00:29:44.000 That's what it does.
00:29:45.000 It takes the song and makes it a waveform, like a picture, like a JPEG, and it just puts it in a database.
00:29:50.000 Analyzes it.
00:29:51.000 Yeah, analyzes it, and it's like matching fingerprints.
00:29:53.000 It's actually pretty brilliant how it works, and it's not that big of a deal.
00:29:57.000 It's pretty easy.
00:29:58.000 Are we even going to know when the computers take over?
00:30:01.000 Are we even going to know?
00:30:04.000 We're not even going to know.
00:30:06.000 They're going to take over so quick.
00:30:08.000 It started with the TI-81, I think.
00:30:10.000 What are you doing, Dave?
00:30:13.000 It's real.
00:30:15.000 Remember Hal?
00:30:15.000 Would you like to play a game?
00:30:17.000 Analyze it in seconds and tell you what the song is.
00:30:20.000 Listen to it, analyze it, break it down to a piece of data, and then spit it back at you with options to purchase it.
00:30:25.000 All in seconds.
00:30:27.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:30:27.000 And they can do it for, you know, practically every fucking song there is out there. 0.99
00:30:31.000 I've never had it failing me once. 0.89
00:30:32.000 Have you ever had it failing you? 0.74
00:30:33.000 Once, but it was also like a remix version, so it was other shit mixed up with it.
00:30:36.000 So this is just, you hear a song, you like it, you want to know what it is, you pull Shazam up, it tells you what it is, downloads it, and buys it for you without even asking you.
00:30:45.000 You can just start playing it in your car seconds later.
00:30:46.000 If your car's Bluetooth, bam, it's playing in your car.
00:30:49.000 That's amazing.
00:30:49.000 I want Bum Bum Song.
00:30:51.000 Because it's like when I was doing my rap group back then when I was a teenager, back then it was all about sampling loops, right?
00:30:57.000 So you'd hear loops of music, breaks of music.
00:30:59.000 So we'd go into the radio station all the time, always looking for cool beat breaks and stuff.
00:31:04.000 So you'd hear that, you'd always hear stuff and you wouldn't know what it was, and you'd do that.
00:31:08.000 But let me ask you a question.
00:31:10.000 Can I ask you a question?
00:31:10.000 Please.
00:31:11.000 Okay, because I've noticed you have a lot of Buddhas around the house, right? 0.96
00:31:15.000 Yeah.
00:31:15.000 Is that okay if I say that?
00:31:17.000 Sure.
00:31:18.000 Because I had a Buddha, and I really like them a lot.
00:31:23.000 I had one at my house.
00:31:26.000 When I got my house, it was there already.
00:31:29.000 I didn't get the Buddha.
00:31:30.000 The Buddha was there already.
00:31:31.000 It was a fountain.
00:31:32.000 It was on a pole.
00:31:35.000 It was a big fountain.
00:31:36.000 It was about the size of that poster there.
00:31:39.000 Big concrete fountain.
00:31:41.000 Yeah.
00:31:41.000 And I had a meeting one day with a television executive at my house, okay?
00:31:49.000 And we went up on the roof of my house, and we had a meeting, just a discussion, having a beer, talking about some ideas, television ideas.
00:31:57.000 And we hear this enormous crash.
00:31:59.000 We go down, and the Buddha has just...
00:32:02.000 For whatever reason, the pole is on.
00:32:04.000 This metal pole is smashed.
00:32:06.000 It has fallen.
00:32:07.000 It has smashed into a million pieces and gone into my swimming pool.
00:32:13.000 And I'm looking at it and I'm just thinking, okay, apart from like I really missed the thing, is that a sign of something?
00:32:20.000 No.
00:32:21.000 Okay, good.
00:32:21.000 No, it's not.
00:32:22.000 Buddha like swimming. 1.00
00:32:23.000 If it was a Donald Duck statue, it still would have fallen.
00:32:26.000 So it's just there's no magical property to having a Buddha in your house.
00:32:29.000 It's just a nice thing to look at.
00:32:31.000 I am fascinated by ancient Asian artwork.
00:32:34.000 I'm fascinated by Buddhas and Thai Buddhas and the fact that they've looked that way for hundreds and thousands of years and all these different people depict these things in different artistic ways and that the Buddha is a character of peace.
00:32:49.000 The idea of these Thai Buddhas to me means To me, it's a beautiful artistic representation of enlightenment.
00:32:58.000 It's calming, too, to look at it.
00:32:59.000 I love their artwork.
00:33:02.000 I love Shiva's.
00:33:03.000 I love Hindu artwork.
00:33:04.000 I love a lot of Thai artwork.
00:33:07.000 Some of the most fascinating stuff.
00:33:08.000 It's one of the coolest things about living in L.A. is that you have access to all these importers.
00:33:12.000 They import a lot of this beautiful hand-carved stuff from Thailand.
00:33:18.000 Would you guys ever have a mummy?
00:33:20.000 Like a real mummy?
00:33:21.000 A mummy in my house? 0.98
00:33:22.000 Like a dead guy?
00:33:23.000 No, I'm not done with that.
00:33:24.000 Would you?
00:33:25.000 No, this is morbid, man.
00:33:26.000 It's like, why? 0.98
00:33:28.000 I mean, I guess if you wanted to have it in glass, like in a room somewhere and shit. 0.99
00:33:32.000 It would stink, too. 0.95
00:33:34.000 It's a weird...
00:33:35.000 It's a weird message you're sending.
00:33:36.000 I just don't like the smell of embalming fluid.
00:33:39.000 What if it was airtight and it had lights?
00:33:41.000 It's something that's always bothered me.
00:33:42.000 Embalming fluid, the smell of that?
00:33:43.000 Have you ever heard of self-mummification?
00:33:45.000 No.
00:33:46.000 Self-mummification was a practice and it's been done several times by these monks.
00:33:52.000 And one of the things they do is they eat nothing but very, very lean foods.
00:33:57.000 They eat, like, seeds and nuts, and they go through rigorous exercise routines for, like, three years, where they virtually strip their body of all its fat.
00:34:06.000 And then they start drinking this crazy tonic that's, like, semi-poisonous.
00:34:12.000 It doesn't kill them, but it fucks them up nice and slowly.
00:34:14.000 And it keeps maggots from growing on them. 0.97
00:34:16.000 Get this.
00:34:17.000 Then they climb into a sarcophagus after they've done this for a while, so their body's, like, ready to go.
00:34:22.000 They climb into a sarcophagus, and they close the lid on them, and there's just an air hole and a bell.
00:34:27.000 And the guy stays in the lotus position.
00:34:29.000 It's like that new movie with the...
00:34:31.000 He stays in the lotus position with the air hole and the bell, and every day, if he's alive, he rings the bell.
00:34:37.000 And the day that he doesn't ring the bell, they seal the coffin up, and then he's in there for good, and he's mummified.
00:34:42.000 What?
00:34:43.000 Self-mummification.
00:34:44.000 Why do they do that now? 1.00
00:34:45.000 Because they're fucking nuts. 1.00
00:34:46.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:34:47.000 Where are these guys?
00:34:48.000 Are they still doing this today?
00:34:49.000 Is this legal?
00:34:50.000 Is there self-mummification porn?
00:34:51.000 Whose laws?
00:34:52.000 Whose laws?
00:34:53.000 Yeah, where are they doing it?
00:34:55.000 I believe it's in Tibet that they do this.
00:34:57.000 This is outrageous.
00:34:58.000 You should actually stop this.
00:35:01.000 Is there a video?
00:35:02.000 I don't know. 0.99
00:35:03.000 Start a campaign to stop this crap. 0.99
00:35:04.000 Brian, why don't you Google self-mummification? 0.99
00:35:07.000 I'm going to start.
00:35:08.000 Because I know that it's something that has been done.
00:35:11.000 They have these mummies, man, and they've taken the lids off their sarcophaguses. 0.99
00:35:16.000 In the lotus position, man, with their fucking robes on and their mummies. 1.00
00:35:19.000 It is the creepiest thing ever. 1.00
00:35:20.000 That's dedication to whatever it is that you're doing it for. 1.00
00:35:23.000 Fuck, they're taking it to the next level, man. 1.00
00:35:25.000 Total dedication. 1.00
00:35:27.000 They're poisoning the maggots, okay?
00:35:30.000 How about that? 1.00
00:35:31.000 They're taking some shit that kills the maggots. 1.00
00:35:33.000 Now, by the way, I'm reading this on the internet. 1.00
00:35:35.000 Who knows how much of this is true.
00:35:37.000 It says it's a form of suicide.
00:35:40.000 A slow suicide.
00:35:42.000 It takes years, man.
00:35:44.000 There is a lot of stuff on the internet that we read that is not true, and that is true. 0.99
00:35:48.000 Now, you were talking about the UFOs last night at your show, which was hilarious, by the way, and it was great running into you over there.
00:35:54.000 Yeah, we ran into each other at a club.
00:35:55.000 Jay Davis is doing this little club.
00:35:58.000 What was it called?
00:35:58.000 The Parlor?
00:35:59.000 The Parlor, yeah.
00:36:00.000 On Melrose.
00:36:01.000 Mm-hmm.
00:36:01.000 So, fun, nice little place, but the AC was out.
00:36:03.000 It was whack. 0.95
00:36:04.000 It was a really cool crowd, because even though it was like a fucking 100 degrees in there, like literally, it was at least 100 degrees in a row. 0.98
00:36:11.000 I fucking drank like crazy because I was so hot. 0.91
00:36:13.000 The crowd was very polite. 0.99
00:36:15.000 I felt like I was imposing.
00:36:16.000 Talking to them, I felt bad.
00:36:18.000 I felt like I was doing something by making them sit there and watch me.
00:36:21.000 No, no, no.
00:36:22.000 It was hilarious.
00:36:23.000 It was awesome.
00:36:23.000 It was a great surprise.
00:36:24.000 I didn't know you were coming out.
00:36:26.000 We haven't seen each other in a couple years.
00:36:29.000 I have a bunch of questions I want to ask you, I've started trying to do stand-up comedy this year.
00:36:34.000 I've been doing it this year.
00:36:35.000 You have been doing it.
00:36:35.000 I have been doing it.
00:36:36.000 I laughed at some of your stuff online.
00:36:37.000 I've been doing it.
00:36:37.000 I've been going all over the world.
00:36:38.000 I laughed at some clips.
00:36:38.000 I'm not trying to do it.
00:36:39.000 I'm doing it, goddammit. 0.98
00:36:39.000 You are doing it. 0.98
00:36:40.000 I'm sorry.
00:36:40.000 No, I said that.
00:36:42.000 I'm sorry for you.
00:36:43.000 No, yeah, yeah.
00:36:44.000 Yeah, it's a whole new world, isn't it?
00:36:47.000 Yeah.
00:36:48.000 But I want to ask you some questions about that.
00:36:50.000 Okay.
00:36:51.000 But yeah, so I'll ask you right now, I guess.
00:36:53.000 Go for it.
00:36:54.000 Or we can talk a bit more about the show last night.
00:36:56.000 Well, the show last night was a lot of fun.
00:36:58.000 It was fun, yeah. 0.99
00:36:58.000 Bill Burr went up and did a bunch of new shit. 0.99
00:37:00.000 Oh, and Bill Burr's Comedy Central special airs again this October 1st, I believe it is. 0.99
00:37:06.000 Fucking hilarious, Dave. 0.96
00:37:07.000 Very fun. 0.97
00:37:08.000 If you haven't seen it, check it out, and it'll be good for him, too.
00:37:10.000 He really wants to get ratings on this thing because he wants to do more of them.
00:37:13.000 If you're a fan of stand-up comedy, Bill Burr is one of the best.
00:37:15.000 He's one of the best guys out there today.
00:37:17.000 There's very few guys that consistently nail it the way he does.
00:37:21.000 He's really good.
00:37:22.000 He's a really, really good comic.
00:37:23.000 I went down there to see Bill last night because I met him at the Montreal Comedy Festival.
00:37:29.000 This is what's been fun about doing stand-up is I'm getting to go to a comedy festival and hang out with a bunch of funny people.
00:37:34.000 Everyone's having a good time.
00:37:35.000 I saw Doug Stanhope up at the Montreal Comedy Festival.
00:37:38.000 He had this awesome party in a car wash.
00:37:42.000 It was like good times.
00:37:44.000 Well, he calls it Just for Spite, and he does it opposing the actual – Right, right.
00:37:49.000 He needs a camera man.
00:37:50.000 Right, that's right.
00:37:51.000 He's not part of the festival.
00:37:52.000 He needs a red band.
00:37:53.000 And this was this whole sort of controversial thing that was going on up there, but it was actually quite funny because he had this amazing party in this car wash right across the street.
00:38:00.000 Was it really great?
00:38:01.000 Yeah, it was really cool.
00:38:02.000 What was it like?
00:38:03.000 Well, it's because the bar closed, right?
00:38:05.000 And then it's like, okay, well, the bar at the hotel closed, and then everyone said, well, you know, Doug Stanhope's having a party in a car wash across the street.
00:38:12.000 What?
00:38:12.000 And we walk out across the street, and now it's, you know, three in the morning now, right?
00:38:15.000 So those bars are closed.
00:38:16.000 We walk across, literally right across the street from the hotel, the main hotel for the festival.
00:38:21.000 There's this...
00:38:23.000 Like the smallest car wash, you know, it's got the garage, hoses everywhere.
00:38:28.000 Anyway, it's just, you know, buckets of beer, and we were there until like 7 in the morning or something like that.
00:38:33.000 Wow, that's awesome.
00:38:34.000 Lots of people, a couple hundred people in there in this car wash drinking beer.
00:38:37.000 That's awesome.
00:38:38.000 So he just put together a party.
00:38:39.000 Yeah, it was really good.
00:38:41.000 Awesome move.
00:38:42.000 But what happens if people drive drunk and stuff?
00:38:45.000 I don't think any of them drive.
00:38:46.000 I think they're all taxis and stuff.
00:38:48.000 Really?
00:38:48.000 Yeah.
00:38:49.000 That's a nice move.
00:38:51.000 You know, the thing that's cool about it is, like, you know, so we go over there, I'm at the Montreal Comedy Festival, and I met Bill Burr, and he came and saw my show, and then last night I thought, you know, I'm going to go see Bill's show, go see Bill's show, you pop out on stage unexpectedly, next thing you know, I'm up here at your house, we're drinking cups of coffee, delicious coffee, and doing some Webbovision here, right?
00:39:16.000 It's pretty cool.
00:39:17.000 It is cool.
00:39:18.000 We've talked on Twitter a couple of times.
00:39:21.000 I've said, hey, Joe, check this out.
00:39:24.000 I'm on the road.
00:39:24.000 I sent you a couple of my trailers from my stand-up.
00:39:26.000 Very funny stuff, man.
00:39:27.000 You can see them on TomGreen.com.
00:39:28.000 Go on TomGreen.com.
00:39:29.000 Have a look at some of the trailers of the touring around doing this.
00:39:32.000 And for the folks on iTunes, it's Tom Green Live if you want to find him on Twitter.
00:39:38.000 Go at TomGreenLive because they can't see this where it says it on the...
00:39:41.000 Absolutely.
00:39:42.000 At TomGreenLive is my Twitter.
00:39:43.000 Are you still releasing that movie?
00:39:46.000 Yeah.
00:39:46.000 Pranksters?
00:39:47.000 Yeah.
00:39:47.000 Prankster, yeah.
00:39:49.000 We're working on that one still.
00:39:50.000 Cool.
00:39:50.000 I can't wait for that, man.
00:39:51.000 What is Pranksters about?
00:39:51.000 I've been waiting.
00:39:52.000 Well, it's kind of a top secret.
00:39:55.000 It's not finished.
00:39:56.000 Okay.
00:39:56.000 I'm sorry.
00:39:57.000 Well, I have to tell you.
00:39:59.000 I can't really tell you what it's about because I'm not sure I even know yet because we're still kind of in the process of finishing it.
00:40:04.000 Cool, cool, cool.
00:40:05.000 Yeah, I want you to do more movies, man.
00:40:07.000 I really enjoyed Freddy Got Fingered.
00:40:08.000 It was hilarious.
00:40:10.000 You went out there with that, man.
00:40:12.000 You took a crazy chance.
00:40:13.000 I think it shocked a lot of people.
00:40:15.000 They didn't know what to do with it because it was so out there.
00:40:18.000 It was one of the ultimate stoner movies.
00:40:20.000 If you're a stoner, go get Freddy.
00:40:24.000 A lot of people haven't really heard enough good reviews of it. 0.98
00:40:27.000 It's really fucking funny. 0.96
00:40:28.000 I didn't hit a girl that just quoted that all day. 1.00
00:40:30.000 Dude, that scene with the baby, the giving birth, it's fucking... 0.99
00:40:34.000 I don't want to say any more. 0.99
00:40:35.000 I don't want to ruin it.
00:40:36.000 I don't want to ruin it at all.
00:40:37.000 Sort of very similar in a way to your comedy background.
00:40:39.000 No, well, let me tell you.
00:40:41.000 Thank you for saying that.
00:40:42.000 It's really funny.
00:40:43.000 Because the thing is, you know, when you get thrust into the situation where all of a sudden I had an opportunity to make a movie.
00:40:48.000 You know, I wrote it. 0.97
00:40:50.000 It obviously was trying to make the stupidest movie we could think of, right? 1.00
00:40:54.000 Let's make it the stupidest thing ever. 1.00
00:40:56.000 And then, you know, the studio... 0.99
00:40:59.000 At the time, I had all this opportunity to make this.
00:41:01.000 They said, okay, they had all these directors.
00:41:02.000 I said, I want to direct it, too.
00:41:04.000 So then they let me direct it.
00:41:05.000 So now I'm swinging bloody babies around and jacking off elephants and stuff and getting inside deer carcasses and doing all this stuff, right?
00:41:14.000 And then you're working on this thing for like a year, right?
00:41:17.000 You're working on this thing for a year, nonstop.
00:41:21.000 You're casting it.
00:41:23.000 You're picking all the props.
00:41:24.000 You're making sure, oh, the guts that come out of that deer carcass look like rubber to me.
00:41:29.000 And then the prop guy's like, well, we're going to put some blood on it.
00:41:33.000 And I go, well, let's see what that looks like.
00:41:35.000 And they do it, and you look at it, and you're like, no, it still looks like some rubber.
00:41:38.000 We've got to get some real guts.
00:41:39.000 And they're like, well, we don't know how we're going to make real guts come out of the carcass when you cut it.
00:41:42.000 And then they go off, and these are like...
00:41:45.000 People that are professionals, you know, and they go off and they come back the next day and they go, okay, we've rigged up this compressed air that we're going to put in the back of the taxidermy deer.
00:41:53.000 You're going to run your knife down the slit.
00:41:55.000 It's going to shoot out real pig guts that we've got at the butcher shop. 0.98
00:41:58.000 And I'm draped in pig guts and I'm doing all this stuff.
00:42:01.000 You're doing all this stuff, right?
00:42:02.000 And you're thinking, okay, this is crazy.
00:42:04.000 This is going to look crazy.
00:42:05.000 Then the movie comes out.
00:42:06.000 Everybody basically reams you like you've never been reamed before in your life at this point.
00:42:13.000 I mean, local papers and people.
00:42:16.000 And you feel completely kind of confused about it, right?
00:42:19.000 Because you're thinking... 0.99
00:42:21.000 Shit, I thought it was pretty fucking funny. 1.00
00:42:23.000 I don't know what's wrong with me, right? 0.99
00:42:24.000 But the fun thing about it is after that initial weekend and the whole sort of everybody talking about your movie being crazy and disgusting and all this stuff, I've been on tour this year doing stand-up, and it's been so much fun because there's a lot of nutjobs out there in the world that and it's been so much fun because there's a lot of nutjobs out And it's part of my show now when I do my stand-up.
00:42:46.000 I do a little guitar at my show in the middle, and I sing a couple.
00:42:49.000 Like, Daddy, would you like some sausage?
00:42:51.000 I sing that with the – everybody sings it with me.
00:42:53.000 And then people start shouting out some of their favorite bits.
00:42:55.000 But I'm surprised.
00:42:56.000 I went all across Australia, Canada next month.
00:43:00.000 I'm going to be in Toronto, Belleville, Hamilton, and London, Ontario.
00:43:06.000 And people come to the shows and are shouting out all these things from Freddy Got Fingered.
00:43:12.000 That's awesome, man.
00:43:13.000 It feels a lot...
00:43:14.000 I guess what I'm saying is, thanks for bringing it up.
00:43:16.000 Well, this is what I think.
00:43:17.000 It feels so great to be out and actually getting all this positive feedback about the movie.
00:43:20.000 Because I was made to feel like I had murdered somebody or something like that.
00:43:23.000 No, this is what I think, man.
00:43:24.000 No way.
00:43:24.000 I think you were a victim of a pre-internet review system.
00:43:27.000 It was a bunch of fogey old douchebags. 1.00
00:43:30.000 And, you know, the way people looked at things was, you know, you couldn't just... 0.96
00:43:33.000 What year was Freddy Got Fingered? 0.98
00:43:35.000 It was 2001. Who the fuck was on the internet back then? 0.98
00:43:38.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.95
00:43:38.000 It wasn't the same as 2010. 2010, you get your reviews from ain'titcool.news.com, like that kind of shit. 0.95
00:43:45.000 Like, I always go to Fandango or something. 0.55
00:43:47.000 I get my reviews online.
00:43:49.000 I want to use this moment as a real opportunity for me to actually talk about this for a second, okay?
00:43:54.000 I directed this movie.
00:43:56.000 I wrote this whole thing.
00:43:58.000 Everybody freaks out on it.
00:43:59.000 It's pre-internet, right?
00:44:00.000 The other day, I went and I looked at Netflix, okay, at the reviews of the movies, right?
00:44:05.000 So I did this just two days ago, and I looked at the reviews, and Freddy got fingered.
00:44:09.000 And the point of making that movie was to kind of like be polarizing, right?
00:44:13.000 It was supposed to... 0.97
00:44:14.000 Be ridiculous. 0.95
00:44:15.000 It was done in a way where I think that 50% of the people who watch it are definitely going to hate it more than anything they've ever seen in their entire life. 0.99
00:44:22.000 Right.
00:44:23.000 And that was the goal in the joke.
00:44:25.000 Of course.
00:44:25.000 Because obviously the other 50% of the people are laughing at the 50% of the people that hate it.
00:44:28.000 And that's the joke, right?
00:44:30.000 So I went on Netflix and you're reading the reviews and it's It's pretty much 50-50 people are giving it either a good review or the worst review you've ever read in your life, back and forth, back and forth.
00:44:40.000 And these people are just arguing with each other about it.
00:44:43.000 Here we are 10 years later after I made this thing.
00:44:46.000 I'm looking at these people having these passionate arguments completely on opposite ends of the spectrum.
00:44:52.000 That's pretty funny.
00:44:53.000 Go read the reviews on Netflix.
00:44:55.000 I really truly believe that if that movie came out today, it would be an internet phenomenon.
00:45:00.000 People would be so into it. 0.99
00:45:01.000 I think it was a fucking fun, crazy movie. 0.98
00:45:04.000 Make it 3D. Well, I'm hoping to make another movie this year. 0.98
00:45:07.000 Since you asked about the movies, I'm hoping to make another movie this year, which is going to be called Insane Prank Movie.
00:45:14.000 And it's going to be just a bunch of crazy pranks, street stuff, but it's going to be sort of a...
00:45:19.000 Well, don't get beat up, man.
00:45:21.000 You're telling me you're getting in fights.
00:45:23.000 What's going on?
00:45:23.000 Oh, yes.
00:45:24.000 That's right.
00:45:25.000 I've been in two fights.
00:45:28.000 You're a grown man.
00:45:30.000 Carry around a bow and arrow.
00:45:32.000 I was defending myself both times.
00:45:34.000 What happened?
00:45:35.000 I was attacked both times.
00:45:38.000 By who?
00:45:38.000 By strangers.
00:45:41.000 For what reason?
00:45:43.000 Well, the first time, I was attacked.
00:45:46.000 Where did this take place?
00:45:47.000 It was about two years ago in New York City.
00:45:52.000 Did the guy know you were Tom Green, the famous actor and comedian?
00:45:57.000 I don't know.
00:45:58.000 He was somebody who was an acquaintance of somebody who I knew.
00:46:04.000 Now I'm starting to get worried about getting into the details, because what really happened was quite intense.
00:46:09.000 Quite intense.
00:46:10.000 Why are you worried about getting into the details?
00:46:11.000 Well, because, you know, I don't know.
00:46:12.000 I'm just thinking now, all of a sudden, I've never really talked about this on the radio.
00:46:15.000 Isn't that kind of weird?
00:46:16.000 What's weird when you get in a fight with someone...
00:46:18.000 Did you beat somebody up, Tom Green?
00:46:19.000 No, I was punched in the head, and I retaliated.
00:46:23.000 Right. 1.00
00:46:23.000 And then did you whoop that ass? 1.00
00:46:25.000 You know... 1.00
00:46:26.000 Did you get all up in there? 1.00
00:46:27.000 Beat that ass? 1.00
00:46:28.000 Essentially, yes. 1.00
00:46:29.000 Essentially, yes.
00:46:29.000 Yes.
00:46:30.000 I was not hurt.
00:46:31.000 You probably shouldn't give out the details, because...
00:46:34.000 Yeah.
00:46:35.000 You might get sued.
00:46:36.000 You're Tom Green.
00:46:37.000 Well, you know, somebody punched me in the head, and so I had to...
00:46:41.000 So you think you have a solid chin?
00:46:42.000 Kind of thing.
00:46:43.000 Fairly solid jaw.
00:46:44.000 Take a good shot.
00:46:45.000 Right there.
00:46:46.000 Right there.
00:46:46.000 I had a bump the next day.
00:46:48.000 Did you gray out, or did you stand your ground?
00:46:51.000 I was actually sitting down.
00:46:52.000 He punched you when you were sitting down?
00:46:54.000 Uh-huh.
00:46:54.000 Wow.
00:46:55.000 What did you do?
00:46:56.000 Were you getting blown by his girlfriend while you were sitting there?
00:46:58.000 I was sitting beside his girlfriend.
00:47:01.000 You were?
00:47:01.000 Yeah, or some girl that he knew.
00:47:03.000 But I wasn't really, you know, I was also with a girl who was my friend who was sitting beside me on this side and we were all friends and Or she was friends with them.
00:47:12.000 But anyways, this is the point.
00:47:14.000 Let's move past that.
00:47:15.000 The point is...
00:47:16.000 You got in fights.
00:47:17.000 I got in fights.
00:47:17.000 So then the second time around...
00:47:19.000 You're a veteran by now.
00:47:20.000 You're ready to throw it down.
00:47:21.000 And this is actually something I can ask you about for advice on this.
00:47:24.000 Because this is about controlling your temper.
00:47:26.000 This is about when somebody comes at you and you are a fighter, so you know about this stuff.
00:47:32.000 I don't know about this stuff.
00:47:35.000 What happened?
00:47:37.000 You go into this sort of post-traumatic stress disorder kind of.
00:47:40.000 Everything goes in slow motion.
00:47:42.000 Well, you know, that's one of the best things about learning martial arts is that you become confident in your ability to defend yourself.
00:47:49.000 You might not always be able to defend yourself.
00:47:51.000 There might be guns and weapons, but you're not going to feel completely helpless.
00:47:56.000 You're going to feel like you have at least confidence if you have a chance you can do something.
00:48:00.000 Whereas a person who doesn't know how to fight at all and has no experience, it's such a paralyzing feeling when you're in the presence of violence.
00:48:07.000 You just want to cover up in a ball.
00:48:09.000 You just want to try to protect yourself.
00:48:10.000 You don't know what to do.
00:48:11.000 So this first occasion happened...
00:48:13.000 That's a bad feeling.
00:48:13.000 This first occasion happened, cut to three months, maybe six months later, I'm walking down Sunset, outside Mel's Diner.
00:48:21.000 Just got the stitches taken out.
00:48:22.000 Yeah.
00:48:23.000 And somehow...
00:48:27.000 For some reason, somebody comes up behind me.
00:48:30.000 I think I'd actually had a few drinks that night. 0.99
00:48:33.000 Me and my friends were being somewhat obnoxious, talking loudly, being generally idiots on the street. 0.99
00:48:40.000 And some guy saw me being kind of an idiot and came walking up to me and my friend. 0.99
00:48:45.000 That was Brian, by the way. 1.00
00:48:46.000 And he said, hey man, I want to kick your ass right now. 1.00
00:48:49.000 Just like that. 1.00
00:48:49.000 No reason. 1.00
00:48:50.000 He said, I'm going to kick your ass right now. 1.00
00:48:52.000 This guy was actually... 1.00
00:48:56.000 Smaller than me, which I thought was strange, and he's coming out of nowhere, and we're in the dark, and there's no one around.
00:49:01.000 Right by Paquito Moss, outside Mel's Diner on Sunset.
00:49:06.000 I look at him, my friend looks at him, my friend says, are you serious, dude?
00:49:10.000 And he goes, yeah.
00:49:11.000 And then my friend, for whatever reason, goes, okay, and goes like that.
00:49:15.000 So then this guy's running at me, but because of the previous...
00:49:21.000 I'm now in the slow-motion mode.
00:49:23.000 He's coming at me and I'm going, well, this is not going to...
00:49:26.000 So I went at him and I just put my...
00:49:29.000 Hands on his neck, right?
00:49:30.000 And I put my hand behind him, and I kind of lowered him down onto the ground, and I put my fist up in his face like this, and I said, I don't want to hurt you, man.
00:49:37.000 I don't want to hurt you.
00:49:39.000 I don't want to hurt you.
00:49:40.000 And his leg was kind of flapping up on the side of my body like this, and I had him pinned on his back on the sidewalk, and he said, okay, man, okay.
00:49:48.000 And I got up, and he walked away.
00:49:51.000 Wow.
00:49:52.000 So then...
00:49:53.000 Powerful rape choke to the mount position, for those of you who don't know what Tom Green was doing. 0.99
00:49:57.000 He was grabbing the hand and the, bitch, where's my money grip? 1.00
00:50:00.000 And then he had a fist up. 0.99
00:50:01.000 Yeah.
00:50:02.000 And it just kind of ended.
00:50:03.000 It diffused the situation.
00:50:05.000 Nobody got hurt.
00:50:07.000 And, you know...
00:50:11.000 That's, I think, something that people need to know.
00:50:15.000 There is this flash of a moment when somebody attacks you, where you kind of go into this animal mode, right?
00:50:20.000 You're not in complete control, right?
00:50:22.000 And then you've got to kind of be able to control that a little bit.
00:50:26.000 So now are you paranoid that everyone's going to attack you?
00:50:29.000 No, I'm actually less paranoid now, because I now know I've got that sort of...
00:50:40.000 Well, the other thing is that only worked because he was coming at me fast and he was sort of smaller than me.
00:50:46.000 I don't think that would have worked if he was bigger than me.
00:50:48.000 I don't think that would have worked if he knew anything.
00:50:50.000 If he knew anything, that wouldn't have worked.
00:50:52.000 Did you fight a lot growing up?
00:50:53.000 He was probably really, really drunk.
00:50:55.000 To me, it was exciting, though, because I haven't been in any sort of physical altercation since I was a kid.
00:51:00.000 You don't want that kind of excitement.
00:51:01.000 If you want that kind of excitement, go to a jiu-jitsu class.
00:51:04.000 Learn jiu-jitsu.
00:51:04.000 You get to spar.
00:51:05.000 You get to go full blast with each other and try to kill each other with your bare hands.
00:51:08.000 It's awesome. 0.99
00:51:09.000 You get all that shit out, and you don't have to get in fights. 0.99
00:51:11.000 It was scary. 1.00
00:51:12.000 It was scary.
00:51:12.000 It was there on your belt.
00:51:13.000 Look, conflict is fine.
00:51:14.000 I was attacked.
00:51:15.000 There's a certain amount of excitement, primal excitement that comes from conflict, but it's very dangerous, man.
00:51:21.000 Oh my gosh.
00:51:21.000 Especially when you're adding alcohol, you guys are walking down the street making a fuckload of noise.
00:51:25.000 No, this is the thing.
00:51:26.000 I've become so paranoid about it since then that I've actually kind of essentially really laid off the sauce a bit.
00:51:33.000 Right.
00:51:33.000 Because I realized that, you know, although...
00:51:37.000 I didn't really kind of...
00:51:38.000 I got attacked, right?
00:51:40.000 But it was due to my own sort of loud, obnoxious behavior.
00:51:43.000 That's what I'm saying.
00:51:44.000 You learn from that, right?
00:51:45.000 Yeah, you do.
00:51:47.000 Public drunkenness is one of the douchiest things you can do if you're really loud out in public.
00:51:51.000 That's a douchey thing. 0.83
00:51:52.000 When you're in your 20s, being drunk out at the bar and being crazy...
00:51:57.000 Yeah, it's part of life.
00:51:58.000 That's acceptable.
00:51:59.000 It's part of life.
00:51:59.000 But I just turned 39 years old, and I'm thinking to myself, that's not cute anymore, really.
00:52:04.000 Totally.
00:52:05.000 It's not cute anymore.
00:52:05.000 It's not cute when it annoys other people.
00:52:07.000 That's what it is.
00:52:07.000 And I never used to think about that when I was younger.
00:52:10.000 I just think about, we're having fun, fuck it, woo! 1.00
00:52:13.000 We're having fun, who gives a shit? 1.00
00:52:15.000 And then as you get older, you start going, wait a minute, but if we're having fun at other people's expense, this shouldn't be fun. 0.99
00:52:19.000 This should be annoying to me, too.
00:52:20.000 I should be embarrassed.
00:52:21.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:52:23.000 So you learn not to be a douchebag. 0.91
00:52:24.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.93
00:52:26.000 And you've got this move that you're ready to go to.
00:52:29.000 I think you might want to...
00:52:31.000 I'm going to show you...
00:52:31.000 We'll go into my cage in the garage and I'll show you some counters to that move.
00:52:35.000 Oh, yeah.
00:52:35.000 Be very careful.
00:52:36.000 I would appreciate some self-defense.
00:52:38.000 Not that I want to ever have to use it.
00:52:40.000 You don't want to extend your arm.
00:52:41.000 You've got to make sure you...
00:52:42.000 Do it correctly.
00:52:43.000 I'd like to take some jiu-jitsu courses.
00:52:45.000 Why don't you take Krav Maga's fun, too?
00:52:46.000 It's like a combination of things.
00:52:48.000 They give you a lot of stuff like, this is what you do on the street when a guy comes after you, but you can't prepare for everything on the street. 0.92
00:52:54.000 You don't really know what the fuck, if a guy's going to have a gun or a knife. 0.95
00:52:58.000 You're not going to really know. 0.99
00:53:00.000 You're better off just getting really good at any sort of a martial art.
00:53:04.000 You're really going to get good at knife defense?
00:53:08.000 That's...
00:53:08.000 Yeah.
00:53:09.000 That seems like a waste of time.
00:53:10.000 Yeah.
00:53:11.000 Just considering no one's ever pulled a knife on you in your life. 0.99
00:53:14.000 Stay away from douchebags. 0.97
00:53:15.000 Keep your life clean. 1.00
00:53:16.000 Let's hope we don't get stabbed.
00:53:17.000 Yeah.
00:53:18.000 Don't be going out.
00:53:19.000 Practice every day because one day a guy's going to have a knife. 0.73
00:53:21.000 There's this fat guy who has this website on...
00:53:24.000 All sorts of attacks, like a knife against a knife, how he will block this knife, and then he will attack. 1.00
00:53:30.000 I mean, he's a fat fuck. 1.00
00:53:32.000 The guy's hilarious. 1.00
00:53:33.000 He's completely out of shape.
00:53:35.000 He's actually kind of a half-decent writer, but totally, completely delusional martial arts guy.
00:53:40.000 And so he's got these instructional videos where a guy will come at him with a knife.
00:53:45.000 And he will block this knife and cut to the guy's body and then go behind him and he cuts like major organs. 0.93
00:53:51.000 And I'm looking and I'm like, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my life. 0.96
00:53:54.000 You're preparing for a knife fight that never happened. 0.90
00:53:57.000 Probably because of the preparing for it is increasing his odds of being killed in a knife fight by like 10,000%.
00:54:03.000 He's carrying knives on him everywhere.
00:54:06.000 He's asking for a knife fight.
00:54:08.000 He's begging for a knife fight. 1.00
00:54:09.000 He's just nuts. 1.00
00:54:11.000 Who the fuck's wasting their life preparing for knife fights? 1.00
00:54:14.000 This is funny. 1.00
00:54:15.000 Sometimes I look down here at the stream and then I see you and I'm thinking that I'm looking at you live, but it's just a short delay.
00:54:20.000 Yeah, let's not look at it because I don't want to confuse you.
00:54:22.000 It was funny.
00:54:23.000 It was confusing me.
00:54:24.000 Comedians, man, they'll go off in a drift.
00:54:27.000 Yeah, it was like I was looking at your laughing over there and I'm like, wait a minute, I'm not saying anything funny right now.
00:54:33.000 Oh, wait, he's not laughing.
00:54:34.000 That was a few seconds ago. 0.95
00:54:36.000 We're on a delay in case you start getting crazy and curse our government.
00:54:40.000 Yeah, this is cool.
00:54:41.000 And now, so we're broadcasting on iTunes?
00:54:45.000 It's on iTunes.
00:54:46.000 It's on the Zune marketplace.
00:54:47.000 It's on all sorts of different things.
00:54:50.000 Oh, this is cool.
00:54:51.000 This is cool.
00:54:52.000 Now, so yeah, so...
00:54:54.000 Stitcher.
00:54:55.000 Number one in Canada, comedy a few times on iTunes.
00:54:59.000 Okay.
00:54:59.000 See, this is something that I'm just...
00:55:01.000 Powerful, Canada.
00:55:02.000 I'm going to start trying to do a podcast myself for the first time starting next week, so it's going to be fun.
00:55:08.000 Yeah.
00:55:09.000 You've always been in that kind of community access channel.
00:55:12.000 You were always making videos.
00:55:13.000 You actually changed everything when you had your show on MTV, in my opinion. 0.98
00:55:17.000 My whole age group, I'm 36, but you took my idea of making stupid little videos and going, wow, look what he's doing. 0.97
00:55:25.000 He's actually doing it for realsies on MTV. You really changed that whole market. 0.98
00:55:30.000 It's a pretty amazing career that you've had, man.
00:55:32.000 That was an exciting time.
00:55:34.000 Obviously, that was the most exciting time.
00:55:36.000 Watch this blow, Brian.
00:55:36.000 Yeah.
00:55:38.000 You know?
00:55:39.000 Maybe we wait until the show's over.
00:55:41.000 That's one of the most awkward things ever when you say something.
00:55:44.000 Out in the driveway or something like that?
00:55:45.000 Like when Doug's down, I was here.
00:55:46.000 I was trying to say really good things about him.
00:55:48.000 But I'm like, it's so weird saying that.
00:55:49.000 He's right here and it's going to be broadcasting in front of the world.
00:55:52.000 What a great show, though.
00:55:53.000 You come up to Joe's house.
00:55:54.000 You get coffee. 1.00
00:55:55.000 You get a blowjob. 1.00
00:55:57.000 I think a lot of people, though. 0.99
00:55:58.000 I think you've inspired a lot of people, man.
00:56:01.000 You were one of my inspirations.
00:56:02.000 You inspired me to do this, man.
00:56:04.000 To do this online.
00:56:05.000 When I came over to your house, I'm like, wow.
00:56:07.000 Oh, yeah.
00:56:07.000 I remember how excited you were about it and you talked to the...
00:56:10.000 There was a document or...
00:56:13.000 Was it Entertainment Tonight Canada or somebody was at the house?
00:56:16.000 Something like that.
00:56:16.000 And you said you were very excited about it and I thought, well, this is cool.
00:56:20.000 Maybe this is not a waste of time doing the show in my living room.
00:56:23.000 Joe seems to like it.
00:56:24.000 We knew that eventually it was going to get to the point where the internet and the television combined.
00:56:28.000 It hasn't totally happened yet.
00:56:31.000 Convergence.
00:56:31.000 But it's pretty close.
00:56:32.000 Convergence.
00:56:32.000 It's a small, a dribble.
00:56:34.000 I have a DVD player that lets you go to different sources and get movies, Netflix, and even YouTube.
00:56:44.000 It allows you to go to YouTube as well.
00:56:46.000 Ustream.
00:56:46.000 Ustream.
00:56:47.000 I don't know about Ustream.
00:56:48.000 I thought you said Ustream.
00:56:49.000 No, I think I was wrong.
00:56:50.000 I think it was YouTube.
00:56:51.000 But it's just, it's close, you know?
00:56:54.000 You can get, the internet is bringing content to your television.
00:56:57.000 It's just doing it through outside parties now.
00:56:59.000 It's not quite as accessible as I would think it would be.
00:57:02.000 Yeah, I worry that it's going to get all controlled so that, you know, you end up, everyone gets some box, they're watching the internet on their TV, but it's not the real internet, you know?
00:57:11.000 It's just the stuff that the shows that get bought by Time Warner Cable and they decide to put on the internet, which then all of a sudden you don't have the internet.
00:57:19.000 You have this sort of just other way of distributing television that's on demand, but it's not free.
00:57:25.000 Net neutrality.
00:57:27.000 We need to make sure that – and I don't know a whole lot about it, but I was talking about this the other day with my friend, and he said net neutrality is a big issue right now.
00:57:36.000 They're talking about – Well, since you're in Hollywood, since we don't know a lot about it, let's argue about it.
00:57:42.000 Yeah, absolutely.
00:57:43.000 Since neither one of us know the points. 0.97
00:57:44.000 Yeah, so I just think that we gotta fucking stop this, man. 0.95
00:57:47.000 That's how we rock it here in Hollywood. 0.99
00:57:49.000 Just argue about shit we don't even know about. 0.99
00:57:51.000 Well, you know, that's... 0.99
00:57:52.000 I was on stage, and some fucking guy in the audience just decided he was gonna heckle, and this is what he heckled. 0.97
00:57:58.000 He goes, even Stephen Hawking said that the universe proves there must be a god. 0.98
00:58:04.000 Like, he was arguing with me, angry at me, and this is what he was saying.
00:58:08.000 And then Stephen Hawking came out last week.
00:58:09.000 But that's not what Stephen Hawking said.
00:58:11.000 Stephen Hawking came out two weeks ago and said that there is no God.
00:58:14.000 Exactly.
00:58:14.000 So I'm like, dude, you didn't even read it.
00:58:15.000 You didn't even read it, and you're arguing it.
00:58:17.000 You're yelling it out publicly.
00:58:19.000 Yeah.
00:58:22.000 But that's LA. That's my point.
00:58:24.000 That's Los Angeles.
00:58:24.000 If you don't know anything about anything, just argue it.
00:58:27.000 Not only did he argue it, he yelled it out.
00:58:30.000 I don't even know what I was talking about. 0.92
00:58:32.000 I forgot because it was so ridiculous what he said. 0.81
00:58:34.000 But he yelled it out from the side of the stage. 0.67
00:58:36.000 It was an important point for him.
00:58:38.000 Did you have a conversation with him about it?
00:58:39.000 Very little.
00:58:40.000 I talked to him a little bit from the stage.
00:58:42.000 I tried to be nice and just segued into the rest of the show.
00:58:45.000 But he just wanted to...
00:58:46.000 It was a weird thing.
00:58:47.000 He was a guy that just wanted to argue like it was a game.
00:58:49.000 He wanted to play catch with me.
00:58:51.000 Have you noticed a lot more heckling, Joe, lately?
00:58:53.000 No, no, not lately.
00:58:55.000 It comes and goes.
00:58:56.000 There's cool crowds and not-so-cool crowds.
00:58:58.000 And the crowds are always cool.
00:58:59.000 There's just always a few douchebags, a tiny few amount of douchebags. 1.00
00:59:04.000 But that's all you need. 0.69
00:59:05.000 If you have 300 people in a comedy club, all you need is three douchebags and you've got an issue. 0.99
00:59:09.000 You have to deal with one douchebag and you've got an issue. 0.65
00:59:11.000 Do you like that? 0.90
00:59:14.000 No, I would way rather have just a fun show.
00:59:16.000 Yeah.
00:59:17.000 Like in Indianapolis.
00:59:19.000 Stressful when they start yelling and stuff.
00:59:20.000 I did two shows in Indianapolis last Friday.
00:59:22.000 Never been to Indianapolis for comedy before. 0.99
00:59:24.000 It was fucking great, man. 0.98
00:59:25.000 The crowds were super cool, dude. 0.97
00:59:28.000 Everybody's super friendly and fun.
00:59:30.000 It's a nice, easy-going place.
00:59:32.000 And it's a decent-sized city.
00:59:33.000 It's a million four, a million four hundred thousand people.
00:59:35.000 So it's not a small town. 0.91
00:59:37.000 And just really fucking cool, friendly people. 0.96
00:59:41.000 I like that, man. 1.00
00:59:42.000 I don't want to deal with some fucking douchebags who need attention. 1.00
00:59:46.000 That's annoying, man. 1.00
00:59:47.000 I want to tell you, man. 0.99
00:59:49.000 I want to pull them aside and take them away from everybody and go, dude, just get your shit together, man. 0.98
00:59:54.000 You see what you're doing? 1.00
00:59:54.000 You're out of control. 1.00
00:59:56.000 You're so needy for attention that you're willing to disrupt everything around you.
00:59:59.000 I've started to notice them before they even say anything.
01:00:02.000 They often sit right at the front.
01:00:04.000 Of course.
01:00:05.000 They like to sit right there where everyone can see them.
01:00:07.000 And you can tell that these sort of alpha personality types who just want everybody to look at them.
01:00:14.000 I mean, come on.
01:00:15.000 What's their problem?
01:00:16.000 You know what's the weirdest thing?
01:00:18.000 When people talk back It's like, you know, if you want to, why don't you just go do comedy, you know, and go do your own show, you know?
01:00:24.000 No, they don't want to do that.
01:00:26.000 They want to criticize.
01:00:27.000 It's like critics. 1.00
01:00:27.000 These critics that hated your fucking movie, go make a better movie. 1.00
01:00:30.000 Well, they're not going to make a better movie. 1.00
01:00:31.000 They have nothing to contribute.
01:00:33.000 They're contributing. 0.97
01:00:33.000 They're doing their best to be verbose in their bitchiness. 0.97
01:00:37.000 And that's what their contribution is. 0.96
01:00:39.000 Be cunty about things.
01:00:41.000 Always look for the negative.
01:00:42.000 Love everything foreign.
01:00:44.000 I mean, that's really what it is.
01:00:45.000 It's also even when they yell out fun stuff, it's sort of annoying too, right?
01:00:49.000 Yeah, well, the worst I was saying was when they talk to you.
01:00:51.000 I think some people think they're trying to help you or something.
01:00:53.000 The worst is when they talk to you.
01:00:54.000 Yeah.
01:00:54.000 You ever have people in the front row and they just talk at you?
01:00:57.000 Like, why would you do that?
01:00:58.000 Yeah.
01:00:59.000 Usually wasted.
01:01:00.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:01:00.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:01:01.000 I'm going to get to it. 1.00
01:01:02.000 I'm going to get to the whole subject.
01:01:03.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:01:03.000 You know, don't move me in a different direction.
01:01:05.000 Come on, man.
01:01:06.000 Where were you going?
01:01:08.000 Why are you talking to me, man?
01:01:09.000 This isn't a conversation. 1.00
01:01:10.000 It's a fucking comedy show. 1.00
01:01:11.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:01:12.000 I always give people the opportunity to yell shit out, though. 0.98
01:01:14.000 I do a Q&A at almost every one of my shows, just because it's fun. 0.99
01:01:18.000 Sometimes it's anticlimactic.
01:01:20.000 It's dangerous because sometimes it drags on, and I do the Q&A for like a fucking hour or something, and I don't know how to end, because it's so open-ended. 0.92
01:01:27.000 But I think people like fucking around and being able to talk to me, so I let them know. 0.99
01:01:32.000 Like, well, there'll be a time where we can yell shit out, but it's not, let me get my material out, do all this, and then we'll fuck around. 0.99
01:01:37.000 Yeah, that's a good idea. 0.99
01:01:38.000 It's fun.
01:01:39.000 The best is when there's lines and microphones.
01:01:42.000 That's how I did it when I recorded my DVD. That's the best way to do it.
01:01:45.000 Have a line and people come up to the line and they get to the microphone.
01:01:48.000 Oh, yeah? 0.99
01:01:48.000 Yeah, because when they just yell shit out, it just gets too crazy. 0.99
01:01:51.000 Right. 0.99
01:01:52.000 Right, Brian?
01:01:52.000 I was just going to say, let's see you guys' name.
01:01:54.000 Like, you know, like, talk about J.S.P. Talk about Anderson Silva.
01:01:59.000 We think about J.L. Sutton's chances in the rematch.
01:02:03.000 What should you have done different?
01:02:05.000 Now, because you have stuff out on TV, people yell you to do bits that you've done before.
01:02:12.000 I can't remember a lot of them, though.
01:02:13.000 The problem is, when I stopped doing a bit, man, I don't remember how to do it. 0.99
01:02:16.000 Like, somebody yelled out, do the talking dog bit the other day, the drug commercial bit, and I was like, fuck. 0.99
01:02:22.000 How does that go? 0.99
01:02:23.000 I haven't done it in a long time, so I had to try to perform it from memory. 0.98
01:02:27.000 I always try to come up with new shit. 0.99
01:02:30.000 When you have new shit, you've got to abandon the old shit. 1.00
01:02:32.000 You can't keep remembering it. 1.00
01:02:33.000 Every now and then, one will pop up from the old days.
01:02:36.000 I'll remember one.
01:02:37.000 I'm like, wow, I remember how this one goes.
01:02:39.000 But in order to keep writing new material, I've had...
01:02:42.000 Right now, the first one was I'm Gonna Be Dead Someday, and then there was the Showtime special that I did.
01:02:49.000 No, then there was Belly of the Beast, then the Showtime special in 2005, and then Shiny Happy Jihad.
01:02:54.000 And then Talking Monkeys in Space, that's a lot of different material. 0.99
01:02:56.000 I can't remember all that shit. 0.99
01:02:58.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:02:58.000 You ever just pop in the DVD and watch your show? 0.99
01:03:02.000 No, I don't like that.
01:03:02.000 That'd be good to get it back in your head that way, though.
01:03:04.000 It's uncomfortable for me to watch the stuff that I've just done recently.
01:03:07.000 It's really uncomfortable for me to watch something from a few years ago. 0.98
01:03:11.000 Dude, while you're fucking a flashlight might help. 0.98
01:03:13.000 Whoa, what are you saying? 1.00
01:03:14.000 How dare you?
01:03:15.000 Yeah, well, and it's like when you were playing that song earlier, I was sort of sitting here kind of curling up inside my shoes, you know, because it's like you're looking at something from 20 years ago, and you're going, oh, geez, I wouldn't really do it exactly that way.
01:03:26.000 Yeah, I know what you mean.
01:03:26.000 The way I'm rapping, trying to sound like Chuck D, you know, it's like, that's kind of cheesy, you know?
01:03:31.000 But it's capturing, somebody said this to me once, that, you know, you just have to think of all these performances as capturing a moment in time, you know, and just, but I don't, you know, that's all well and good, and I appreciate that, but I don't want to, it's still me.
01:03:42.000 I don't really want to watch me from 15 years ago do comedy.
01:03:45.000 It's not fun.
01:03:46.000 I don't like me from five years ago doing it.
01:03:49.000 It's hard watching yourself, man.
01:03:50.000 When you're very critical and honest, it's hard.
01:03:54.000 It's hard trying to figure out how much of this...
01:03:56.000 Should I be trying to enjoy this?
01:03:58.000 Should I be trying to enjoy it like a spectator?
01:03:59.000 Or should I be hypercritical of everything I'm doing?
01:04:02.000 Because that's what I always wind up doing.
01:04:04.000 So I prefer not watching myself, but you have to go over material, I think.
01:04:10.000 You listen to bits and sometimes your brain will take you down different paths.
01:04:14.000 Like you go, oh, why didn't I say this?
01:04:15.000 Or why didn't I talk about that?
01:04:17.000 Or you remember certain taglines that you may have ad-libbed at the moment, which may be gone if you don't remember them.
01:04:22.000 There's a lot of my best taglines.
01:04:24.000 I forget them.
01:04:24.000 I just stop doing it for some reason, and then I forget it.
01:04:27.000 And then someone will say to you, like, why don't you say that anymore? 0.99
01:04:29.000 I'm like, oh, fuck, I forgot. 0.96
01:04:31.000 Do you have it all written down somewhere? 0.99
01:04:33.000 Most of it.
01:04:34.000 Yeah, most of the material is written down.
01:04:37.000 The way I start off almost all of my bits is I start them off with blog entries.
01:04:41.000 Whether or not it gets posted on the internet, almost all of it is just me dissecting a subject.
01:04:46.000 This is the method that I've come to over the last few years.
01:04:49.000 To me it's the best method because it allows me to really examine all the different ways I think about a subject without worrying about people's attention spans.
01:04:57.000 So I just write, you know, and it could be page after page after page, just ramblings on what I think about anything.
01:05:02.000 And then I dissect what's funny about it.
01:05:05.000 Like, this is funny, this is funny, this is funny.
01:05:07.000 And then I say, well, how much this would go into a bit?
01:05:09.000 Could this be a bit?
01:05:09.000 Okay, this could be a bit right here.
01:05:11.000 This is how I'd have to say it.
01:05:12.000 And then I look at it like that, like I'm stealing from myself.
01:05:14.000 Like I'm stealing little jokes.
01:05:15.000 And you're getting feedback, too, on the internet, right?
01:05:17.000 People read it on your blog?
01:05:18.000 Yeah, I do, yeah.
01:05:18.000 If I post it.
01:05:19.000 But there's a lot of stuff that I write that I don't post.
01:05:21.000 There's a lot of stuff that I write.
01:05:22.000 I write it as if it was going to be a blog entry, and then it just winds up going in a file.
01:05:26.000 Yeah.
01:05:26.000 Because I don't like where I was going with it or I wasn't finished with it, but I do like this part and that part will become a bit.
01:05:32.000 Do you think of your ideas when you sit down to write or is it when you're out and about with friends hanging out?
01:05:37.000 It's both.
01:05:38.000 It's everything.
01:05:39.000 I think you get different kinds of creativity just from driving in your car with the music off.
01:05:43.000 If you have your stereo off and you just drive in your car and don't talk to anybody, just doing that, doing average everyday things.
01:05:49.000 A percentage of your brain, you know, you're going to focus on what you're doing, you're going to focus on activity, but you're going to get bored.
01:05:55.000 Your brain is going to get bored, which is driving.
01:05:56.000 So your brain is going to start thinking about things.
01:05:58.000 So a percentage of your brain will start coming up with ideas, and you'll start pondering things and questioning relationships, and you start breaking down your life while you're driving with no stereo on.
01:06:07.000 You know, when you've got the music on, you listen to that, and then you're off in no thinking land.
01:06:13.000 That's one of the most dangerous things about the media.
01:06:15.000 Is the fact that it's so pervasive and it's so easy to get to and it's so easy to just sit there and watch and just get sucked into it and never think at all.
01:06:22.000 I know.
01:06:23.000 I've been addicted to the 24-hour news cycle in this last few years and it just drives me nuts.
01:06:28.000 How much news a day do you watch?
01:06:30.000 Well, it's just on in the background, so it's like I'm at the computer, but it's on in the background.
01:06:34.000 Do you sleep till news?
01:06:36.000 No, no.
01:06:37.000 Do you sleep till the TV at all?
01:06:38.000 No, I don't. 1.00
01:06:39.000 Fuck all that, dude. 1.00
01:06:40.000 No, that's a sickness. 1.00
01:06:42.000 Is it?
01:06:43.000 You're not getting real sleep.
01:06:43.000 It sounds a little bit much.
01:06:44.000 Oh, no, I always do the 40-minute snooze, right?
01:06:46.000 Everybody I know that does that.
01:06:47.000 You have a snooze button on your TV? Yeah, that's cool.
01:06:50.000 Or a timer, I mean.
01:06:52.000 Really?
01:06:52.000 Yeah, that's cool.
01:06:53.000 You do a 40-minute snooze?
01:06:54.000 40-minute timer.
01:06:55.000 What do you watch, late-night television?
01:06:57.000 Cartoons.
01:06:57.000 Oh, yeah.
01:06:58.000 Put it on some, you know, Cartoon Network.
01:06:59.000 So you're not sleeping while the TV's on.
01:07:01.000 The TV shuts itself off.
01:07:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:07:02.000 Well, that's sort of different.
01:07:04.000 I mean, I have watched TV before I go to bed.
01:07:06.000 Right.
01:07:06.000 But I thought you were just sleeping with the television on.
01:07:08.000 You don't give a fuck. 1.00
01:07:08.000 Old Tom and Jerry's are relaxing, man. 1.00
01:07:10.000 Just getting, like, no REM sleep.
01:07:11.000 Yeah.
01:07:12.000 He's, like, barely dreaming.
01:07:13.000 Listening to books on tape.
01:07:15.000 Yeah.
01:07:15.000 Yeah, you have to constantly trick your mind that you're four years old, right?
01:07:18.000 I woke up this morning and I... The weirdest flight once, because I bought this CD on the laws of attraction.
01:07:24.000 It's this crazy woman who claims to be channeling some, you know... 1.00
01:07:30.000 Is it The Secret? 0.97
01:07:31.000 No, no, no.
01:07:32.000 It was another one.
01:07:33.000 It was The Laws of Attraction.
01:07:34.000 I forget her name.
01:07:36.000 But anyway, she talks in this strange way, like when she's channeling this super deity.
01:07:41.000 Oh, yeah.
01:07:42.000 She's a blonde lady, right? 1.00
01:07:43.000 You know what?
01:07:44.000 It's on iTunes.
01:07:45.000 It's sort of a princess somebody or something.
01:07:47.000 I've seen that somewhere.
01:07:48.000 Because...
01:07:50.000 Yeah, someone showed me that once.
01:07:53.000 I like that.
01:07:54.000 Yeah, Seth speaks of what's about.
01:07:56.000 Yeah, I read The Secret.
01:07:57.000 Abraham, that's what it is.
01:07:59.000 I found it something that I enjoyed.
01:08:00.000 Says this woman, and she channels this super deity called Abraham.
01:08:04.000 I fell asleep once.
01:08:06.000 I listen to everything.
01:08:07.000 I have a very open mind.
01:08:08.000 And even if I think it sounds crazy, you're channeling something, okay, maybe you are crazy, but maybe in your crazy, in your actual true belief, you may have it, that you're communicating with this deity that Maybe you can bypass some of the pitfalls and roadblocks in human consciousness, and maybe you can see things that other people can't truly see. 0.99
01:08:26.000 So maybe you are crazy, maybe you are full of shit, but maybe you still have some good points. 0.99
01:08:29.000 I'm willing to let that be a possibility. 1.00
01:08:31.000 So I listen to nutty people do all kinds of different conversations and all kinds of different lectures.
01:08:36.000 So I was listening to this, and I fell asleep listening to it.
01:08:39.000 So I was on the plane for a five-hour flight, and it's like hours and hours of Lectures of this woman talking through this man, channeling, telling you, love, life is love. 0.99
01:08:50.000 All this nutty fucking New Age type shit. 0.99
01:08:52.000 She's channeling from this deity in this strange voice she's inflecting. 1.00
01:08:57.000 Sorry, I landed. 0.98
01:08:58.000 I was thinking like I'm in a fucking Harry Potter movie or something. 1.00
01:09:01.000 It might have fucking programmed something in your brain. 1.00
01:09:04.000 You're going to be in an isolation tank and next thing you know you're going to be... 0.99
01:09:08.000 Like, what was that movie with Denzel Washington?
01:09:10.000 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?
01:09:11.000 You've reprogrammed yourself?
01:09:13.000 Yeah, totally.
01:09:13.000 What was that movie?
01:09:14.000 Something Man? 0.90
01:09:16.000 Denzel Washington movie?
01:09:18.000 Running Man?
01:09:19.000 No, no. 1.00
01:09:19.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:09:20.000 Goddammit. 1.00
01:09:20.000 I don't know what you mean. 1.00
01:09:20.000 Man on a... 1.00
01:09:21.000 Shit. 1.00
01:09:22.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:09:23.000 Cunt. 1.00
01:09:23.000 He's the security guard, right? 1.00
01:09:25.000 Or he's the security for the girl and she gets kidnapped.
01:09:29.000 He's been programmed.
01:09:30.000 He was programmed when he was... 1.00
01:09:32.000 What is that fucking movie? 1.00
01:09:33.000 Terminator. 1.00
01:09:35.000 You're not even trying to help anymore, man.
01:09:37.000 How dare you?
01:09:38.000 Howard the Duck.
01:09:40.000 I'm not going to get it, man.
01:09:41.000 It was a movie where they brainwashed him when he was younger and then they activated him.
01:09:45.000 Oh, yeah.
01:09:46.000 AI. No.
01:09:47.000 Fuck you, man. 1.00
01:09:49.000 Asshole. 1.00
01:09:49.000 I'm thinking of the other one where they try to get the guy down. 1.00
01:09:51.000 AI's a little kid, you dickhead. 1.00
01:09:54.000 Dickhead. 1.00
01:09:55.000 Yeah.
01:09:56.000 That's not Denzel Washington either.
01:09:57.000 That's Macaulay Culkin.
01:09:59.000 Same color. 1.00
01:09:59.000 I hate not being able to remember shit. 1.00
01:10:02.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:10:02.000 It's so annoying. 0.99
01:10:03.000 Yeah.
01:10:04.000 Is there a memory supplement?
01:10:05.000 Has anybody ever taken a memory supplement?
01:10:07.000 I mean...
01:10:07.000 Ginkgo.
01:10:08.000 What's good?
01:10:08.000 Is that real?
01:10:09.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:10:09.000 Because I heard it was bullshit. 1.00
01:10:11.000 I heard ginkgo was bullshit. 1.00
01:10:12.000 Just do resveratrol. 1.00
01:10:13.000 If you haven't started yet...
01:10:13.000 I do.
01:10:14.000 I take those.
01:10:14.000 Oh, you do?
01:10:14.000 Oh, yeah.
01:10:15.000 Cool.
01:10:15.000 What milligrams, you know?
01:10:16.000 I don't remember.
01:10:17.000 Gotta get like 500. I'll tell you.
01:10:18.000 We'll talk about this all fair.
01:10:19.000 All right.
01:10:21.000 Do you find you forget things as you get older?
01:10:23.000 No, you forget things because you have too much information.
01:10:25.000 I can't remember anything that I don't recall at this point.
01:10:30.000 I do notice that there is some sort of a scientific theory about the amount of people that we can store in our brain.
01:10:38.000 And I absolutely believe that.
01:10:40.000 They say it's 150. They say that people have room for 150 faces and names they recognize.
01:10:45.000 I have recognized someone that I didn't know was still in my database.
01:10:49.000 Well, you have to re-assimilate the memories.
01:10:52.000 And you go, okay, okay.
01:10:54.000 Happened last night.
01:10:56.000 That's a weird thing, man.
01:10:57.000 It's like your brain is going, oh, we're going to dust this off?
01:10:59.000 Hold on.
01:11:00.000 We have it.
01:11:00.000 It's way back here.
01:11:01.000 It's way back here.
01:11:01.000 And then the dude's giving me information.
01:11:03.000 Do you remember, man?
01:11:04.000 We used to play pool together in White Plains. 0.99
01:11:06.000 I'm like, oh, shit. 0.99
01:11:07.000 And then I'm going way back here. 0.99
01:11:08.000 Okay, I got the file.
01:11:09.000 I got the file.
01:11:10.000 Oh! 0.60
01:11:14.000 This year, I've been traveling around this year meeting hundreds of people every weekend in different cities, right?
01:11:20.000 So you're meeting all these different people.
01:11:22.000 Do you find then you start having that happen more when you come back to LA? Yes.
01:11:27.000 I mean, especially if you meet someone who's interesting and you wind up talking to this dude and you talk to him on the internet.
01:11:32.000 Well, that's an internet, you got an internet memory now.
01:11:35.000 You know, this guy is a part of your internet group.
01:11:37.000 You know, if you've been on my message board, people sign up for my message board, and sometimes there's some cool people who have some interesting things, and okay, now that guy's a name in my things of, you know, names of people that I can store in my mind.
01:11:49.000 I mean, it's like 150, that's what they say.
01:11:51.000 I really do find that it does seem like a data issue.
01:11:55.000 It seems like a data processing issue. 0.99
01:11:58.000 We're not supposed to have access to this many fucking people. 0.98
01:12:00.000 Our hardware is not set up for this. 0.99
01:12:03.000 We're trying to run Quake 4 on a 1982 fucking PC. That's what it is. 0.98
01:12:08.000 We're going to have to get little...
01:12:10.000 32 gigabyte chips that we can plug in behind our ear or something like that.
01:12:14.000 Just for names and phone numbers.
01:12:16.000 If they can figure out how to update the database of your mind?
01:12:19.000 Yeah.
01:12:19.000 It might happen.
01:12:20.000 Just download stuff into your little...
01:12:22.000 Well, that'll be out there soon.
01:12:24.000 It's got to be.
01:12:25.000 If you can think it, they're going to get there.
01:12:28.000 As long as they keep tampering, and they always will, that's what people do. 0.99
01:12:32.000 We keep trying to figure out what's the coolest, best shit. 0.99
01:12:34.000 And they're going to learn. 0.99
01:12:36.000 As long as we don't blow ourselves off to face the earth... 1.00
01:12:38.000 We got some nutty shit coming. 1.00
01:12:40.000 Some nutty shit. 1.00
01:12:41.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:12:43.000 They're developing skin that can feel that's artificial.
01:12:45.000 Really?
01:12:46.000 Yes.
01:12:47.000 Artificial skin that you can feel with. 0.96
01:12:49.000 They have artificial limbs.
01:12:50.000 What do you mean?
01:12:51.000 They're going to be able to attach them.
01:12:51.000 Like you attach it to your finger and then you can make your finger like 40 feet long and you can touch stuff across it?
01:12:56.000 Eventually, ultimately, they want you to be able to be sensitive.
01:12:58.000 Like you can pick up a piece of paper with it or you can hold a thick mug.
01:13:01.000 Oh, really?
01:13:02.000 You're going to be able to touch and feel things.
01:13:03.000 So what do you mean?
01:13:04.000 You grab it and then you can feel it?
01:13:05.000 You're going to get electrical impulses from this artificial hand.
01:13:09.000 And it's going to go into your nerve endings, and they're going to figure out how to make it so your brain thinks this is a hand.
01:13:14.000 So they've figured out the conversion of this?
01:13:16.000 They're working on it.
01:13:17.000 I mean, I don't know how far along it is or how close it is, but I know that this is an ultimate goal.
01:13:22.000 They're trying to figure out a way to make...
01:13:23.000 What would be some uses for that technology?
01:13:25.000 How about fake humans?
01:13:27.000 They're gonna make fake people, dude.
01:13:29.000 Better fleshlights.
01:13:29.000 That's the real thing.
01:13:31.000 Better fleshlights, yeah.
01:13:31.000 The real thing is artificial life.
01:13:33.000 That's the real thing.
01:13:34.000 And that's really, really possible.
01:13:36.000 It's really possible.
01:13:37.000 We don't know what life really is.
01:13:39.000 Technology might be life.
01:13:41.000 It might be life in some sort of an embryonic form.
01:13:44.000 And it has to break out of this like a caterpillar that becomes a butterfly.
01:13:48.000 We're seeing with technology that people have created today in 2010, we might be seeing just this eggshell that's about to break and this new thing is going to hatch out of it.
01:14:00.000 I could use a robot around the house that had sensitive skin. 0.96
01:14:06.000 Smooth mouth.
01:14:08.000 Pretty lips. 1.00
01:14:09.000 That would be so strange if you just had this really super hot robot that you could fuck whenever you wanted, and you didn't have to feed her, you could shut her off, you could do whatever you wanted. 1.00
01:14:18.000 But when you turned her on, she's like, oh, we fucking? 1.00
01:14:20.000 What's up? 0.99
01:14:21.000 Yeah, clearly this is...
01:14:22.000 That's possible!
01:14:23.000 Clearly these scientists are putting their energy in the right place. 1.00
01:14:28.000 Who is going to be willing to tolerate their wife's bullshit when you can fuck this super hot robot porn star. 1.00
01:14:32.000 There'd probably be something annoying and gross, like you have to change your filter, you know? 1.00
01:14:36.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:14:37.000 That would not be a fun...
01:14:38.000 Vacuum your load out of her snatch. 1.00
01:14:39.000 That wouldn't be a good job.
01:14:41.000 What if she's absolutely artificial? 0.99
01:14:43.000 Even her, you know, her hormones, her everything.
01:14:45.000 What if, you know, it literally is.
01:14:47.000 Like an artificial person.
01:14:48.000 Yeah.
01:14:49.000 You know, but it doesn't age.
01:14:51.000 Yeah, she cleans her own filter. 1.00
01:14:52.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:14:53.000 She cleans her own pussy. 1.00
01:14:54.000 She knows what the fuck to do. 1.00
01:14:55.000 Yeah, she cleans her own filter. 1.00
01:14:57.000 Hey, why don't you just clean your own filter?
01:14:58.000 Already there's a problem.
01:14:59.000 Can you clean my filter?
01:15:00.000 Why don't you clean your own filter?
01:15:01.000 What if she's too embarrassed, though, all the time?
01:15:03.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:15:04.000 See, there's already problems.
01:15:05.000 If you could actually have these totally controllable, artificial people where you could program in their personality and make them super accepting and docile and always kind and always sweet and affection to you, would people even get in relationships anymore?
01:15:21.000 With dudes?
01:15:22.000 God, dudes would just... 1.00
01:15:23.000 You're an ugly fat guy. 1.00
01:15:24.000 You can just buy this super insanely hot chick that's fake. 1.00
01:15:29.000 Yep. 1.00
01:15:30.000 And you can go to movies with her and shit. 1.00
01:15:31.000 She'll go to the movies with you. 1.00
01:15:33.000 Oh no, that's the end.
01:15:33.000 We wouldn't even know if it was a real person.
01:15:36.000 That's the end of relationships. 1.00
01:15:37.000 And they'd be like some old, fat, fucked up dude with no teeth, shit all over his clothes. 1.00
01:15:41.000 She doesn't care. 1.00
01:15:41.000 She's a robot. 1.00
01:15:42.000 She's hot as fuck. 1.00
01:15:43.000 She looks like Tracy Lords in her prime and they're holding hands at the movie theater. 1.00
01:15:46.000 People are getting pissed. 1.00
01:15:47.000 Get a fucking real woman! 1.00
01:15:48.000 Get a real woman! 1.00
01:15:50.000 The way you would know is because when it first happens, there'd only be five models.
01:15:53.000 You know, there'd be the blonde, you know, there'd be the brunette. 1.00
01:15:57.000 They'd be everywhere.
01:15:58.000 So you'd see the same model over and over again.
01:15:59.000 You'd see the guys walking around, like smart cars going around or whatever.
01:16:02.000 They'll do anything. 1.00
01:16:03.000 They'll suck your dick in a taxi cab. 1.00
01:16:04.000 They don't give a fuck. 1.00
01:16:05.000 They're video game from the 90s. 0.99
01:16:08.000 People are going to go off.
01:16:09.000 It's going to be crazy.
01:16:10.000 They would probably have dead eyes. 0.89
01:16:11.000 You know when you look in somebody's eyes, you can tell?
01:16:14.000 Maybe.
01:16:14.000 Maybe they have puppy dog eyes.
01:16:16.000 Maybe they'll crush you.
01:16:17.000 Maybe you fall in love with that robot and you're trying to figure out a way to breed with it.
01:16:19.000 Dead puppies.
01:16:20.000 Maybe that's the apocalypse.
01:16:21.000 We do figure out a way to breed with the robots. 0.92
01:16:23.000 Can you tell me a little bit about this fleshlight since we're on the topic of having sex with... 1.00
01:16:28.000 It's a thing that you fuck. 1.00
01:16:29.000 Put your finger. 1.00
01:16:30.000 Really it is. 0.99
01:16:31.000 No one has fucked this one. 0.98
01:16:33.000 This is your sponsor. 0.98
01:16:34.000 This is your sponsor for your show?
01:16:38.000 Yes, that's the sponsor.
01:16:39.000 Where is this manufactured?
01:16:40.000 I believe Austin, Texas.
01:16:42.000 That's where the company is located.
01:16:43.000 I hung out with them a couple weeks ago.
01:16:45.000 Yeah, go ahead.
01:16:45.000 Don't be scared.
01:16:46.000 Get in there.
01:16:47.000 Don't be scared.
01:16:48.000 Want to turn it for me?
01:16:50.000 I don't really feel like touching it.
01:16:52.000 You should feel it.
01:16:54.000 You should feel it. 0.78
01:16:54.000 No one has had sex with this. 0.78
01:16:55.000 Yes.
01:16:55.000 This is just a sample that they sent us.
01:16:57.000 Just touch it.
01:16:58.000 Trust me.
01:16:59.000 Okay.
01:16:59.000 All right.
01:17:00.000 Yep.
01:17:01.000 Pretty good, right?
01:17:01.000 Put the finger in the hole.
01:17:02.000 I'm not going to put my finger in the hole.
01:17:03.000 No, no.
01:17:03.000 Just feel it.
01:17:04.000 It's the butthole. 0.98
01:17:05.000 You should leg it. 0.98
01:17:05.000 I can imagine. 0.98
01:17:07.000 I can imagine.
01:17:08.000 I have a very strong imagination.
01:17:10.000 That's interesting.
01:17:11.000 Better than that cow. 1.00
01:17:13.000 Now, let me ask you this. 1.00
01:17:14.000 I don't have to ask you whether or not you masturbate, because of course you do. 0.99
01:17:18.000 But would you be willing to buy a masturbation tool that would make masturbation better? 0.99
01:17:24.000 Probably not, right? 0.90
01:17:25.000 Because then you have to sort of admit.
01:17:26.000 I was hoping I'd get a free one, because I was a guest on the show.
01:17:29.000 Oh, I'll give you one.
01:17:29.000 I'll get you one.
01:17:30.000 Yeah, I wouldn't.
01:17:31.000 Would I be willing to buy one?
01:17:32.000 I think I've got one left.
01:17:32.000 Hold on.
01:17:33.000 Yeah, I'm just kidding.
01:17:33.000 I'm just kidding, actually.
01:17:34.000 You want one.
01:17:35.000 Well, you know.
01:17:38.000 Might be fun just for a conversation at parties or something like that.
01:17:40.000 I know I have one.
01:17:41.000 I'll give it to you.
01:17:42.000 I'll get to find it.
01:17:42.000 It's in here somewhere.
01:17:44.000 What kind of porn does Tom Green like? 0.96
01:17:46.000 You definitely have to be in a sealed wrapper. 0.65
01:17:49.000 Does it come in a sealed, hermetically sealed plastic? 1.00
01:17:53.000 I would not advise you to fuck that. 1.00
01:17:56.000 Brian Callen touched that. 1.00
01:17:59.000 Duncan touched it.
01:18:00.000 This has been unsealed.
01:18:01.000 Is that a signature on it?
01:18:03.000 I think Ricky Schroeder even touched that one.
01:18:04.000 Did Ricky Schroeder touch that?
01:18:05.000 Ricky Schroeder touched it.
01:18:06.000 I think he licked it.
01:18:07.000 And so does it do anything?
01:18:09.000 Does it vibrate or anything?
01:18:11.000 You don't need that.
01:18:12.000 It's just what it is.
01:18:14.000 Just that.
01:18:15.000 You know what it is, man.
01:18:17.000 It's way better feeling than your hand.
01:18:19.000 And you're not getting any signal from it.
01:18:22.000 It's patented rubber.
01:18:24.000 It's like they have their own patent on how awesome this rubber is.
01:18:27.000 Made in America.
01:18:28.000 Made in the USA. Proud to be an American.
01:18:30.000 Very interesting.
01:18:31.000 At least I knew it.
01:18:33.000 It's called fish in a bucket.
01:18:34.000 Oh, okay.
01:18:34.000 Look at that.
01:18:35.000 Okay.
01:18:35.000 That's what he calls it, fish in a bucket.
01:18:37.000 Okay, you've taken that out there.
01:18:38.000 This is what it's called.
01:18:39.000 This is called deer in a tree.
01:18:40.000 Yeah.
01:18:40.000 You're just making up names, son.
01:18:42.000 It's not what it's called.
01:18:42.000 It's called out by you.
01:18:43.000 Is that what it's called?
01:18:43.000 You have to fling it.
01:18:44.000 Okay.
01:18:45.000 It's a great nerf toy.
01:18:47.000 A slapstick.
01:18:48.000 Don't fling that around too much.
01:18:49.000 But it's a solid product.
01:18:50.000 Yeah.
01:18:51.000 For 60 bucks or whatever it costs, it's totally worth it.
01:18:53.000 It makes beating off way more fun. 0.95
01:18:54.000 What kind of porn do you like? 0.99
01:18:55.000 Are you an amateur guy? 1.00
01:18:57.000 Take your pants off. 0.91
01:18:58.000 Take your pants off.
01:18:59.000 You know, I don't even know anymore, man.
01:19:01.000 It's gotten so crazy out there.
01:19:03.000 You still use magazines?
01:19:05.000 Kids today.
01:19:05.000 Yeah, you know.
01:19:06.000 It's gotten so crazy.
01:19:08.000 What's gotten crazy, man?
01:19:09.000 Well, I think basically just the sort of instant access to anything online is kind of starting actually to get to the point where it's not as...
01:19:23.000 It's an amazing thing, porn.
01:19:25.000 When I was a kid, they didn't have...
01:19:36.000 That, obviously.
01:19:37.000 So you'd be excited when the Sears catalog comes.
01:19:41.000 You'd be excited, right?
01:19:43.000 This is what you would...
01:19:45.000 There was not this access to it.
01:19:47.000 It's almost overwhelming to me now.
01:19:49.000 I think I've watched too much of it in my life, and I'm not interested in it that much anymore.
01:19:55.000 Sounds like you're campaigning for a nice girl.
01:19:57.000 When I started seeing it online in video, to be honest with you, I watched it a lot because I was interested in the web streaming technology.
01:20:05.000 So I would go on some of the sites just to kind of...
01:20:08.000 That's it, just for purely technological purposes.
01:20:10.000 It was sort of like a business or research kind of thing because I'm doing my web show.
01:20:14.000 I wanted to see that the streaming quality was good and things like this.
01:20:17.000 And you can get the most data from the facial section.
01:20:19.000 That's what I find.
01:20:20.000 Yeah.
01:20:23.000 But, yeah, so, you know, it's...
01:20:25.000 I think that's going to...
01:20:28.000 What's going to happen to us?
01:20:29.000 Are we all going to go crazy because of this porn everywhere?
01:20:32.000 No. 1.00
01:20:33.000 It's just people fucking. 1.00
01:20:34.000 They're just going crazy because they've been suppressed for so long. 1.00
01:20:36.000 It's like, ah! 1.00
01:20:37.000 Until everybody calms down, and then they're gonna realize, well, I don't really like watching all this crazy mouth fucking until girls throw up and then coming in their eyeballs and all that shit. 1.00
01:20:46.000 I don't really like that. 0.99
01:20:47.000 You can watch making love videos. 1.00
01:20:48.000 They're actually better than the porn fucking videos. 1.00
01:20:51.000 Oh, I've never heard of that. 1.00
01:20:51.000 It's just two people that are really in love, and they just sit there and make love. 1.00
01:20:54.000 It's actually pretty nice.
01:20:55.000 Yeah, that's a way better way to beat off.
01:20:58.000 Some fetish site you're into?
01:20:59.000 Yeah, you don't like love fetish.
01:21:00.000 You don't even like professionals, boy? 1.00
01:21:02.000 You like fucking scabs? 1.00
01:21:03.000 The love videos. 1.00
01:21:04.000 They're scabs. 0.93
01:21:05.000 They're violating the porn union. 0.98
01:21:07.000 That's very nice.
01:21:08.000 Oh, and where do you find that exactly?
01:21:10.000 Google making love videos.
01:21:12.000 There's just one chick that has a website. 1.00
01:21:14.000 That's something I've never heard of before.
01:21:15.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:21:15.000 It's very romantic.
01:21:16.000 There's one chick that's like the most famous blowjob artist in all of the world. 1.00
01:21:19.000 I don't remember her name, but she's really famous. 0.87
01:21:22.000 But it's iDeepthroat.com.
01:21:25.000 Heather, that's her name. 1.00
01:21:26.000 Right?
01:21:27.000 Heather? 0.99
01:21:27.000 Heather something like that? 0.99
01:21:27.000 And she's got like, I don't know, a hundred fucking videos? 0.99
01:21:30.000 And they're all of her blowing her husband. 0.99
01:21:32.000 Blowing this dude everywhere. 0.99
01:21:33.000 And she has the most ridiculous lack of gag reflexes. 1.00
01:21:38.000 She's got none. 1.00
01:21:39.000 So, I mean, he's got a big dick. 1.00
01:21:41.000 She's like... 1.00
01:21:41.000 Down to the balls, licking his balls every time. 1.00
01:21:44.000 That does nothing for me. 1.00
01:21:45.000 And they have videos all over the place on the internet. 1.00
01:21:48.000 Like, he's turned his wife sucking his dick into like a website. 1.00
01:21:52.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:21:52.000 That's an interesting way to go. 1.00
01:21:55.000 You know?
01:21:55.000 You like more violent.
01:21:57.000 You should try these love videos.
01:21:59.000 No, it's not what I like.
01:22:00.000 I don't like it.
01:22:01.000 Well, I like her.
01:22:01.000 She's not doing it violent.
01:22:02.000 She's not throwing up.
01:22:03.000 Somehow or another, she can just do it without gagging.
01:22:05.000 That's the crazy thing. 0.99
01:22:05.000 The other one's like, there's a lot of Sasha Gray porn. 0.99
01:22:09.000 That's fucking hard to watch, dude. 1.00
01:22:11.000 That chick gets her mouth. 1.00
01:22:12.000 Oh wait, you did the first watching Two Girls One Cup video, right?
01:22:16.000 Did you do that?
01:22:16.000 It wasn't the first.
01:22:17.000 Oh, okay.
01:22:18.000 No way.
01:22:18.000 I saw you do that though.
01:22:19.000 It was me and Joe.
01:22:20.000 We did it.
01:22:21.000 The shot was on you.
01:22:23.000 Yeah, it was both of us.
01:22:24.000 What was that called?
01:22:25.000 What's that called?
01:22:27.000 Reaction.
01:22:27.000 Reaction video.
01:22:28.000 Reaction video.
01:22:29.000 It was a good one for reaction videos because everybody knew by the sound of the music what was going on if you'd already seen it.
01:22:36.000 That was a very odd sort of blip on the pop culture radar the day that came out, right?
01:22:42.000 And it was a site dedicated to one video and everybody went and watched it for a couple of days.
01:22:48.000 Dude, that thing got millions and millions and millions of views.
01:22:51.000 I joke about it and I bring it up on stage sometimes and it's incredible how many people have seen it.
01:22:57.000 And I think what's interesting about it is it repulsed people so instantly that it didn't really catch on.
01:23:04.000 That hasn't happened since, has it, where there's been one domain name comes out, you know, three girls, one horse, or whatever.
01:23:11.000 TwoGuysOneHorse.com.
01:23:12.000 There's nothing like it.
01:23:13.000 Oh, is there?
01:23:14.000 TwoGuysOneHorse. 1.00
01:23:14.000 Guy gets fucked to death by a horse. 1.00
01:23:15.000 Oh, I've heard about that in Seattle, right? 1.00
01:23:17.000 Yeah.
01:23:18.000 They had to change the law.
01:23:19.000 Five Hands One Girl was another one. 1.00
01:23:21.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:23:23.000 There's a guy, I think I've told this story before, but I'll tell you.
01:23:26.000 See, that's what I'm saying.
01:23:27.000 The point I'm making is, it's a good thing to not take off. 0.99
01:23:31.000 There's a dude that I know whose friend was dating a porn star, and he was trying to reconcile the fact that she fucked guys, and that this was just a job, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 0.99
01:23:39.000 I just kind of put it in the back of his head. 0.98
01:23:41.000 And she came home with a contract, and she's going over the different parts of the contract, and he goes, what's this, airtight? 1.00
01:23:48.000 She goes, airtight means a dick in every hole. 1.00
01:23:51.000 He goes, what? 1.00
01:23:52.000 One on my ass, one on my pussy, one on my mouth. 1.00
01:23:53.000 He goes, okay, this is over. 1.00
01:23:57.000 That was what cracked him.
01:23:59.000 Yeah.
01:23:59.000 Airtight cracked him.
01:24:00.000 Yeah, the fact that they actually have a name for it, too. 0.99
01:24:03.000 A term for just being plugged up with dicks. 0.99
01:24:05.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:24:06.000 And then, what, are you going to come home and cuddle after that? 1.00
01:24:08.000 Shit. 1.00
01:24:08.000 Airtight. 1.00
01:24:09.000 Unbelievable.
01:24:10.000 Yeah, and what happened?
01:24:12.000 He just walked out the door and never talked to her again? 0.99
01:24:14.000 Like fucking Clint Eastwood. 1.00
01:24:15.000 Airtight. 1.00
01:24:16.000 I think you know when your girlfriend's got airtight in her contract, that's kind of weird.
01:24:22.000 It's a strange thing that a lot of the people in the porn business do. 0.99
01:24:26.000 They figure out a way to have boyfriends and girlfriends and be in relationships, but they still fuck. 1.00
01:24:30.000 They fuck other people when they work. 1.00
01:24:31.000 But they're only allowed to do it when they're working. 0.99
01:24:33.000 Yeah, it must because we're also, you know, accustomed to seeing it now that people probably out there actually can justify it in their mind because, oh, this is a legitimate profession here.
01:24:47.000 When does the Tom Green sex tape come out?
01:24:49.000 And who's it with Drew Barrymore?
01:24:53.000 He's doing it with a hundred different women.
01:24:55.000 Do you hate Max?
01:24:57.000 What's that?
01:24:58.000 What?
01:25:00.000 You know, that's something I don't think I could ever see myself doing.
01:25:04.000 No sex tape?
01:25:04.000 Is there one that exists, though, that you know of?
01:25:07.000 There's not.
01:25:07.000 There's definitely not one that I know of.
01:25:09.000 Joe, is there one of you?
01:25:10.000 No.
01:25:10.000 You don't videotape yourself?
01:25:12.000 You know, not regularly, but I think it's from paranoia of...
01:25:16.000 I'm not going to say I never did it once in my life, but the thing is I immediately deleted it.
01:25:23.000 Always a strong move.
01:25:24.000 Yeah, immediately deleted it, didn't keep it around.
01:25:29.000 Honestly, didn't even really want to watch it, to be honest with you.
01:25:34.000 You loved it.
01:25:34.000 Yeah.
01:25:35.000 What's fun?
01:25:36.000 The process of videotaping.
01:25:38.000 You didn't want to watch it, though?
01:25:39.000 Not really, no.
01:25:40.000 It was awful.
01:25:41.000 It kind of freaked me out a little bit.
01:25:42.000 When I do it, I'm just so disgusted.
01:25:44.000 It depresses me.
01:25:45.000 Your body?
01:25:45.000 But I do have one.
01:25:46.000 What depresses you?
01:25:47.000 Huh?
01:25:47.000 What depresses you?
01:25:48.000 It's just like, I don't know. 0.98
01:25:50.000 Watching yourself is gross.
01:25:51.000 Because I'm not like... 0.68
01:25:54.000 Okay, wait a minute, Brian.
01:25:55.000 Stop right now. 0.98
01:25:56.000 Listen to how you're advertising your sex. 1.00
01:25:58.000 You're a single man and you're saying you have depressing sex. 0.99
01:26:00.000 No, no, no. 0.99
01:26:00.000 I mean, do you like watching yourself? 0.99
01:26:02.000 I'm like, ugh, ugh.
01:26:03.000 I'm not hitting it like, ugh.
01:26:04.000 No, no, no. 0.99
01:26:05.000 I mean, do you masturbate looking at yourself in the mirror? 0.99
01:26:07.000 No, of course not. 0.99
01:26:07.000 Why would you want to watch yourself, right? 0.99
01:26:08.000 I think it's like what you were saying. 0.90
01:26:10.000 You're watching yourself having sex and you're If you don't like watching yourself on news or radio, why would you want to see yourself having sex? 0.66
01:26:16.000 But it doesn't depress me. 0.99
01:26:18.000 No, I just don't like watching myself have sex.
01:26:20.000 I totally see what you're saying. 0.68
01:26:23.000 It's disturbing.
01:26:24.000 What about if you do POV style?
01:26:26.000 Yeah, that would be cool.
01:26:27.000 That would be fine.
01:26:28.000 Slap an iPhone to your chest.
01:26:29.000 That would be fine. 0.71
01:26:31.000 Press record, slap an iPhone to your chest.
01:26:32.000 You just capture as much as you can.
01:26:34.000 I do have one of me when I was like 16 or 17. You know, using my dad's VHS camera that would make like old home movies about carrots attacking me and stuff.
01:26:41.000 And I would like set it up in my room and stuff.
01:26:44.000 And I have one of like...
01:26:45.000 But then I look at it and I'm like, can I get in trouble for watching myself?
01:26:48.000 When you were 15?
01:26:49.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:26:49.000 Your child pornography of yourself? 0.99
01:26:51.000 Right. 0.99
01:26:51.000 Well, could I get arrested for myself? 0.99
01:26:53.000 With your girlfriend?
01:26:54.000 Yeah.
01:26:55.000 Yeah, okay.
01:26:56.000 Probably, right?
01:26:57.000 I should destroy that tape, right?
01:26:58.000 Well, you could get arrested probably if you distributed it. 0.99
01:27:00.000 That's illegal masturbation. 1.00
01:27:01.000 I think it could be considered child pornography. 0.98
01:27:04.000 Yeah, that's what they catch kids for.
01:27:06.000 You're under 16 years old.
01:27:08.000 Could you be charged for being in possession of child pornography if the child pornography is of yourself?
01:27:13.000 Well, that's what they're doing when the kids are getting their cell phones taken away and they find photos of them.
01:27:16.000 Girls are getting charged with child pornography.
01:27:19.000 Because they have a photo of themselves.
01:27:20.000 Yes, because they have a photo of themselves that they sent to a boy.
01:27:23.000 They're charged with child pornography.
01:27:24.000 Yeah.
01:27:25.000 See, so you probably should destroy that tape.
01:27:27.000 What tape?
01:27:28.000 Well, that's like that old...
01:27:29.000 What tape?
01:27:30.000 It doesn't have tape.
01:27:31.000 Yeah, it allegedly had a tape. 0.99
01:27:32.000 Meanwhile, how many gay guys are frantically searching the internet for a video of Brian at 15 masturbating? 0.99
01:27:39.000 Not a nice thought. 0.99
01:27:41.000 No, I don't know.
01:27:42.000 I mean, not for me personally, but the...
01:27:48.000 Strangest podcast ever.
01:27:50.000 Thanks, Tom Green.
01:27:53.000 So wait, what was the thing then?
01:27:58.000 Yeah, anyways, let's change the topic, right?
01:28:01.000 Marijuana. 0.99
01:28:02.000 Sex tapes is... 0.99
01:28:04.000 Marijuana, yeah. 1.00
01:28:05.000 Well, the subject was getting depressed, watching yourself fuck. 1.00
01:28:09.000 And that he should do POV style. 0.99
01:28:11.000 I love it when your song was released and then it was destroying the charts for TLC and then you...
01:28:17.000 TRL. TRL. And then were you forced to get rid of...
01:28:21.000 Yes, I was forced to.
01:28:22.000 For 98 Degrees, that whole thing was...
01:28:23.000 It's a very...
01:28:26.000 It's a very, you know, there's a little bit of intrigue here behind the story because there was, you know, some things done in TRL that were not necessarily ever made public.
01:28:41.000 Right.
01:28:42.000 Okay, well, fill me on the full details.
01:28:44.000 What happened?
01:28:44.000 What happened?
01:28:45.000 What's the story?
01:28:46.000 Like the L in TRL isn't necessarily, it's not necessarily live all the time.
01:28:50.000 It's just not on anymore, no big deal.
01:28:52.000 What was the song?
01:28:52.000 What was the song and what happened?
01:28:53.000 Okay, so we went to Seattle and we were filming bits in Seattle and we thought, hey, this would be funny to do this song called the Bum Bum Song.
01:29:00.000 One of my favorite songs ever.
01:29:01.000 It was a ridiculous idea and I would go and it was just a silly video of me going around Seattle saying my bum is on the cheese, my bum is on the rail, my bum is on the boat, my bum is on the dock. 0.87
01:29:09.000 It was a silly, sort of like a Dr. Seuss style nursery rhyme rap. 0.96
01:29:13.000 Right. 0.99
01:29:14.000 And the comedy of it was me out in the street sticking my ass on everything and confusing people and filming the reactions, right? 0.99
01:29:21.000 And singing this silly song. 0.97
01:29:22.000 And then we played it on my show and we said we want this to go to number one on Total Request Live, which is their countdown music show that they would have every night, hosted by Carson Daly.
01:29:34.000 So, we played it on Seattle radio and it went to number one instantly.
01:29:38.000 This was when my show was on MTV. It was a really doing well show on MTV. The show was doing well on MTV. It went to number one.
01:29:44.000 People saw the absurdity of this song, Knocking 98 Degrees, Britney Spears, NSYNC, and whoever else was on the J-Lo, I think, out of the number one spot.
01:29:56.000 So we played it on the show.
01:29:57.000 We asked people to vote for it.
01:29:59.000 People voted for it.
01:30:00.000 It went to number one on Tuesday.
01:30:02.000 The show, I think, aired on a Monday.
01:30:04.000 It went to number one on a Tuesday.
01:30:06.000 This is the song.
01:30:07.000 Look at me.
01:30:09.000 My bum is on the rail.
01:30:10.000 My bum is on the man.
01:30:11.000 Remember this show?
01:30:12.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:30:13.000 This was like fucking a huge hit. 0.99
01:30:15.000 This song was big. 0.98
01:30:16.000 And this was the first song to be, like, this was right when MP3s just started.
01:30:22.000 So it was the number one downloaded song that year.
01:30:25.000 What year was this?
01:30:25.000 I think 14 people downloaded it.
01:30:27.000 What year, 93?
01:30:27.000 No, it was, it was, no, no, this was 99, 2000, 2000. Okay, so what happened?
01:30:34.000 So they squashed your song?
01:30:36.000 Yeah, it went to number one on Tuesday.
01:30:38.000 Then on Wednesday, it was number one again, okay?
01:30:41.000 And then on Thursday, it was number one again.
01:30:43.000 And then we get a call on Thursday at the office, and they're saying, guys...
01:30:49.000 We want you to kind of play ball with us here.
01:30:51.000 And we're like, well, what's the deal?
01:30:52.000 They said, well, you know, we need you to go on the show on Friday and retire the Bum Bum song and take it off the countdown.
01:30:59.000 And we're like, why?
01:31:01.000 We got the number one song in America on MTV, man.
01:31:05.000 Yeah, write it.
01:31:05.000 This is amazing, right?
01:31:06.000 Make money off this shit. 1.00
01:31:07.000 This is unbelievable. 1.00
01:31:08.000 Let's keep it at number one.
01:31:09.000 They go, well, the thing is we've pre-taped the show next week because Carson's going to be in San Francisco and all this stuff.
01:31:15.000 So it's kind of like who we think it's going to be.
01:31:18.000 And we hadn't predicted you airing the show on Monday and it instantly going to number one.
01:31:22.000 So it kind of screws up next week's pre-tape, which is all in the can.
01:31:26.000 So can you go on on a Friday and just retire it and we'll give you like a retirement home plaque.
01:31:31.000 And I was on MTV and I had my show on MTV and I didn't want to get fired, right? 0.95
01:31:35.000 Everybody's already mad at me about all this other shit. 0.98
01:31:38.000 Right. 1.00
01:31:38.000 Screaming at me all day about, you know, I want to suck milk out of a cow's udder because I think it'll be crazy. 1.00
01:31:42.000 Let's put it on TV. And they're like, you can't do that. 0.98
01:31:44.000 You know, we're arguing nonstop.
01:31:46.000 It was like, it was the most stressful time of my life.
01:31:48.000 And that's saying something because I'm pretty stressed out right now, too.
01:31:51.000 Not right now, but most of the time, you know.
01:31:52.000 And so...
01:31:54.000 So I'm on the show, and I'm getting yelled at all the time by everybody.
01:31:57.000 Everyone's always screaming at each other, trying to make the show crazy or make it less crazy.
01:32:01.000 So I played ball.
01:32:02.000 I went in.
01:32:02.000 I got a nice plaque.
01:32:04.000 And you know what?
01:32:04.000 I'm not even, to be honest with you.
01:32:06.000 Well, yeah.
01:32:07.000 I think of it now.
01:32:08.000 I think we could have rode that thing a little further.
01:32:11.000 I could have put out a record.
01:32:12.000 I probably could have had some fun with that.
01:32:15.000 But yeah, that's what happened.
01:32:17.000 That's what happened.
01:32:18.000 That's interesting, man.
01:32:19.000 98 degrees. 1.00
01:32:20.000 You got fucked by the corporation, son. 1.00
01:32:22.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00
01:32:23.000 It makes sense, though.
01:32:24.000 They would have probably cost them a fuckload of money if they had already pre-taped things.
01:32:26.000 Yeah, they would have reshoot five shows.
01:32:28.000 But how crazy is that that now you find out what their rankings are like? 1.00
01:32:31.000 It's all total bullshit. 1.00
01:32:32.000 They made them up. 1.00
01:32:33.000 They probably had deals with the record company like, we need to push 98 degrees, and here's $100,000.
01:32:38.000 Do you think they do that?
01:32:40.000 Probably.
01:32:40.000 Well, that's illegal.
01:32:41.000 I mean, I doubt they did that.
01:32:43.000 I don't think they did that.
01:32:44.000 I never heard anything like that. 1.00
01:32:45.000 Brian, you're just making shit up. 1.00
01:32:46.000 No, I'm just throwing shit on the table. 1.00
01:32:48.000 I'm not saying I have proof. 0.99
01:32:49.000 They never did anything like that.
01:32:50.000 I think it was just basically a very strange week.
01:32:53.000 So if it wasn't for that week, that song could have stayed on the countdown and become gigantic.
01:32:58.000 Basically, that week was probably a repeat of the week before.
01:33:02.000 What are you doing, Brian?
01:33:04.000 That's weird.
01:33:05.000 That's me screaming about the...
01:33:07.000 The end of the song.
01:33:08.000 Now, is that video going out, too?
01:33:09.000 And that's an iPad, which is pretty awesome.
01:33:11.000 Yeah, it's actually just streaming on the iPad, but it's not going out.
01:33:14.000 That's pretty cool.
01:33:15.000 People can hear the audio.
01:33:17.000 But, you know, I've told that story before.
01:33:19.000 I don't think anyone at MPV cares anymore about that.
01:33:21.000 Well, it's on...
01:33:22.000 Why would they care? 1.00
01:33:23.000 They fucked you. 1.00
01:33:24.000 You're the one that's supposed to care. 1.00
01:33:25.000 You could've got paid, son. 1.00
01:33:26.000 You could've been driving that fucking song right now in the form of a red Ferrari. 1.00
01:33:32.000 Yeah, that's true. 0.99
01:33:33.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99
01:33:33.000 You could be rolling with a big, fat, diamond-encrusted watch letting bitches know And they'd be like, Tom Green, how'd you get so rich? 0.99
01:33:42.000 Bum bum song. 0.99
01:33:42.000 I wrote a bum bum song. 0.99
01:33:44.000 Bitches tried to pull it off the air. 1.00
01:33:46.000 In two Eminem songs, you know? 0.99
01:33:48.000 Bitches tried to pull it off the air and I was like, nah, keep that song on. 1.00
01:33:52.000 The bum bum song and... 0.97
01:33:53.000 Oh, you know, those both are the same song.
01:33:55.000 Oh, was it?
01:33:57.000 Yeah, when Eminem rapped about it.
01:33:59.000 Eminem took the line from the Bum Bum song.
01:34:01.000 He says, why can't I go on TV and let loose when it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose? 0.64
01:34:05.000 My bum is on your lips. 1.00
01:34:06.000 My bum is on your lips. 1.00
01:34:07.000 And if you get lucky, I'll give it a little kiss. 0.96
01:34:09.000 That's Eminem doing my Bum Bum song.
01:34:11.000 That's so awesome.
01:34:12.000 That's cool.
01:34:12.000 And the thing that's funny about that, which is really cool, is that, like, you know, that song is like, I hear that all over the world now.
01:34:17.000 And it says your name in it, right?
01:34:19.000 So you're walking through.
01:34:20.000 That's when you're walking through, like, you know, an airport in...
01:34:24.000 In Amsterdam or something, and it's like, you know, you hear him rapping about, you know, it's pretty cool.
01:34:28.000 Who would have thought that Eminem would have, I mean, I guess it was pretty awesome when he came out, but I mean, just to be around for 10 years.
01:34:35.000 Have you ever met him?
01:34:35.000 I have not met him, no.
01:34:36.000 But he let us use that song in Freddy Got Fingered through, you know, we had to license it, but he doesn't license music out that much.
01:34:43.000 He gave us a sweet deal.
01:34:45.000 We got to put it in the credit roll of Freddy Got Fingered, so that was pretty cool.
01:34:48.000 Thank you.
01:34:49.000 That is awesome.
01:34:49.000 Thank you, Marshall.
01:34:50.000 That's very cool.
01:34:51.000 Marshall Mathers, yeah.
01:34:52.000 No, that's pretty cool, yeah.
01:34:54.000 Do you still write music?
01:34:55.000 Do you ever think about doing another hits?
01:34:57.000 You know, I have a friend of mine who's a really cool producer here in town who I make music with sometimes.
01:35:04.000 His name's Detail, and he does a lot of cool music.
01:35:08.000 And I just do it for fun.
01:35:09.000 I have a little home studio for fun.
01:35:11.000 You know, got the Pro Tools and the Mac computer and...
01:35:14.000 That's cool.
01:35:15.000 Yeah.
01:35:15.000 So you got your fingers in all aspects of show business.
01:35:17.000 You're always doing something for you.
01:35:18.000 It's more like a hobby, you know?
01:35:19.000 It's more just a fun thing, but it's a fun thing.
01:35:21.000 You know, the songs I make are so ridiculous that they're never, I don't think I'm really, there ever would be sort of any mainstream.
01:35:27.000 So I think the stand-up thing is an interesting subject because you didn't do stand-up for a long time.
01:35:32.000 You did stand-up when you were like 15, 16?
01:35:34.000 Yep.
01:35:35.000 And then you stopped for like, God, what, 20 years?
01:35:38.000 I would do it sort of occasionally, but never sort of as I had an act that I was working on.
01:35:43.000 What launched it?
01:35:43.000 What made you decide to want to get back into it?
01:35:46.000 You know, about...
01:35:47.000 About?
01:35:48.000 About?
01:35:49.000 Yeah, I do that still.
01:35:51.000 That's the one.
01:35:51.000 That's the one word that I get nailed on.
01:35:53.000 You get sincere.
01:35:54.000 You go sincere.
01:35:55.000 You go deep.
01:35:55.000 Do you still drink Canadian beer?
01:35:57.000 About?
01:35:58.000 You know, I do when I can.
01:36:00.000 I do when I can.
01:36:01.000 I just sort of drink.
01:36:02.000 I drink when I can.
01:36:04.000 I do when I can.
01:36:04.000 So, what happened?
01:36:05.000 So, well, about two years ago...
01:36:09.000 Rob Schneider came on my show as a guest on the web show.
01:36:12.000 And his brother John also came up.
01:36:15.000 And I started hanging out with those guys.
01:36:18.000 And it was maybe about a year and a half ago, John said, you know, Rob's doing stand-up now too.
01:36:23.000 He's been touring all year.
01:36:24.000 And he said, Rob's going to start doing stand-up.
01:36:25.000 You should start doing stand-up.
01:36:26.000 And I thought, you know, this would be a pretty cool way.
01:36:28.000 First of all, it's something that I've been thinking about since I was a kid.
01:36:31.000 And I was very intimidated by it.
01:36:33.000 I was afraid of it.
01:36:34.000 It was in the back of my head.
01:36:35.000 I was kind of thinking, you know...
01:36:37.000 I don't know.
01:36:38.000 I was so used to doing the show.
01:36:40.000 I remember how hard it was when I was a teenager.
01:36:43.000 When you're 15 years old, standing up in front of a bunch of college kids.
01:36:46.000 It was a tough thing.
01:36:48.000 It was a very stressful thing.
01:36:49.000 So I've done it over the years, hosting shows and things like this in front of the audience, but not having to act.
01:36:55.000 Rob was doing it.
01:36:56.000 He was going around jumping up at...
01:36:59.000 Clubs around town at the Ice House in Pasadena and the Belly Room at the Comedy Store.
01:37:04.000 And we were just kind of going around trying out stuff.
01:37:08.000 And it sort of instantly was something that I immediately was kind of like...
01:37:14.000 Attracted to.
01:37:15.000 I thought, geez, why did I not start doing this sooner?
01:37:18.000 This is just such a great thing.
01:37:19.000 Part of it also is I've been living in LA for 10 years.
01:37:23.000 I've got this web studio in my house.
01:37:25.000 I'm kind of thinking, you know, I've got to get out of the house sometime here in LA. I need something social to do that's not going and sit in some loud nightclub drinking with people.
01:37:36.000 Hey, this is something to really kind of wrap my hands around.
01:37:38.000 I also was missing getting up in front of an audience.
01:37:41.000 The web show is in my living room, so you don't have the audience.
01:37:44.000 So it's just been an amazing time.
01:37:47.000 And, you know, basically did it for about six months in LA, just jumping up and writing, writing, writing, writing.
01:37:52.000 Lots of stuff.
01:37:53.000 And I've taken off.
01:37:55.000 I've been, you know, I got to go to Australia for the first time.
01:37:58.000 But you're doing like an hour on stage.
01:38:00.000 Yeah.
01:38:00.000 I mean, that is, very few people have ever gone from, I don't do stand-up, to I'm headlining on the road, performing on stage for an hour.
01:38:07.000 That's pretty incredible.
01:38:09.000 But when you used to do stand-up...
01:38:11.000 When you used to do stand-up, how long did you used to do?
01:38:13.000 Like, you used to do it a long, long, long, long time ago.
01:38:15.000 Oh, it was 15. No, when I was 15, I was just doing, oh, I was like doing, you know, at its peak, about 15 minutes as a middle.
01:38:22.000 Really?
01:38:22.000 15 minutes?
01:38:23.000 Wow.
01:38:24.000 But usually it was five to seven minutes opening act and amateur night at first, you know, for a little year.
01:38:28.000 So tell me how you concocted this tour.
01:38:31.000 I mean, how long had you been doing stand-up before you said, all right, I'm going to take this to the road now?
01:38:35.000 Well, basically what happened was I was jumping up all around town and then Norm MacDonald asked me to open up for him one night and do some shows with him one night just to kind of get, you know, keep practicing.
01:38:45.000 And then, uh, and, uh, essentially, um, I, uh, and, uh, Sarah Sheregi from Gersh came to all my shows and said, you know what, I'm going to book you on a tour.
01:38:57.000 And I said, well, that's pretty cool.
01:38:58.000 Okay, how many months is this into your stand-up?
01:39:00.000 So I've been nine months on the road, and she's been booking all these shows.
01:39:03.000 Between the time you got back on stage and the time you started touring, how long was that?
01:39:06.000 This was probably about six months or something like that.
01:39:09.000 That's crazy.
01:39:10.000 So you just jumped in and six months later...
01:39:11.000 But I was writing every day very much with the intention of I want to go on the road and do this.
01:39:15.000 Still very impressive.
01:39:16.000 It's very impressive that you were able to put together over an hour of material in six months.
01:39:20.000 That's amazing, man.
01:39:20.000 It is.
01:39:21.000 That is amazing.
01:39:21.000 Mike Young was doing the same jokes again last night.
01:39:24.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:39:25.000 You're developing new shit out of nowhere. 1.00
01:39:27.000 My friend Mike Young did some shit that he did nine years ago last night. 0.99
01:39:30.000 I approached it from the way I approached doing my television show or my web show. 0.98
01:39:34.000 I would be writing all the time and trying to build up the set.
01:39:39.000 Very diligent.
01:39:39.000 Jumping up, doing stuff, seeing what worked.
01:39:41.000 I organized it all out in paper.
01:39:43.000 Is that what you're doing?
01:39:44.000 On two cards?
01:39:47.000 For the first few months of doing the hour set, I had a set list that I actually took on stage with me.
01:39:55.000 And I'd set it on the stool, set my water on it.
01:39:59.000 I'd do my bits, and then if I got lost, I'd look down.
01:40:01.000 That's a good move. 0.93
01:40:02.000 Doug Benson brings in notes on stage and goes, look, if you don't want me to be stumbling around wondering what the fuck I'm talking about, this is good. 0.77
01:40:09.000 But eventually, after a while, though, I was kind of like, I started feeling like it was kind of a bit of a crutch, because I'm trying to be really physical. 0.57
01:40:15.000 Well, you don't have to use it.
01:40:17.000 The thing about a note, I don't use notes, but the thing about notes, the good thing is, if you need them, they're there.
01:40:24.000 It's like, why not have it there?
01:40:25.000 Yeah. 0.98
01:40:26.000 You know, like there's sometimes you're like, you know, I want to hear like Joey Diaz will say, what the fuck was I talking about? 0.99
01:40:31.000 What the fuck was I talking about? 0.99
01:40:32.000 Right. 0.99
01:40:32.000 Oh, that's it. 0.99
01:40:34.000 And you tell him and then he's got the story and then he'll just run and ramble onto the story.
01:40:37.000 Sometimes you just need a little note.
01:40:38.000 Yeah, I think I might start putting new stuff that I've never done before on notes and pulling that out at some point or setting it there.
01:40:46.000 There's something about writing things down on paper.
01:40:48.000 Once I've done it three or four times, I can remember it, but usually I can't remember it.
01:40:52.000 There's something about writing things down on paper that's really good for your memory, too.
01:40:55.000 Actually, the act of creating a note makes it...
01:40:58.000 Solidify in your mind.
01:40:59.000 And when you use your memory, you can recall what you wrote.
01:41:02.000 You can see it in the order.
01:41:04.000 Set list.
01:41:04.000 Just have a set list of just your basic bits.
01:41:05.000 That's cool.
01:41:06.000 The iPhone thing set list is cool.
01:41:07.000 That's definitely better than nothing.
01:41:09.000 But I think writing something actually down on paper seems to have the most effect.
01:41:12.000 It seems to be...
01:41:13.000 It sticks better.
01:41:14.000 Yeah.
01:41:15.000 So when you wrote out your act, did you write out a beginning, a middle, and an end?
01:41:21.000 Did you put it all together verbatim, or do you ad-lib when you were on stage?
01:41:25.000 Yeah, initially I sort of, yeah, I ad-lib a lot on stage, but I have this sort of pretty solid, like, I know where I'm going to start, I know what I'm going to do when I start, I know what I'm going to do when I'm finished.
01:41:36.000 I actually pretty much know the order I'm going to go in through the bits that I've tried and tested.
01:41:42.000 But then often I'll kind of go off into the audience between bits for a second and talk to some people for a second.
01:41:49.000 But what's happened is it sort of evolved over the year, like the last nine months of doing it, is every week I'll kind of go, you know, maybe this is a little...
01:41:59.000 It's too depressing of a subject matter to talk off the top.
01:42:03.000 So then I'll move it sort of later in the act.
01:42:07.000 It's been fun.
01:42:09.000 It's been really fun and challenging doing it.
01:42:11.000 And I'm sort of shuffling things around all the time.
01:42:14.000 And so it's been cool.
01:42:16.000 And I write bits down on my phone, on the notepad in my phone if I think something weird.
01:42:21.000 And then I'll go home and I'll type it up on the computer.
01:42:24.000 So do you type it up as a joke or do you type up bullet points?
01:42:27.000 What do you do?
01:42:28.000 I usually write it out kind of word for word with punchlines and exactly how I'm going to say it.
01:42:32.000 And then I edit it and I get it exactly where I want it to be.
01:42:35.000 And then I try to sort of remember it.
01:42:38.000 And then usually the first time I say it on stage, I forget about half of the taglines.
01:42:44.000 I forget about half of them.
01:42:45.000 But I say it, but then I get off the stage and I immediately remember...
01:42:49.000 Oh, I forgot that, that, that.
01:42:51.000 And I think the disappointment of forgetting them makes it easier to remember the next time, because then I go look at them again, I go, I've got to remember this tag, this line, this line.
01:42:58.000 And so it's sort of, it's interesting.
01:42:59.000 It is interesting, because it really is kind of cool.
01:43:03.000 I mean, again, this first year of doing this full-time, night after night, but to...
01:43:07.000 When people tell you, you've got to get up, it's like a muscle.
01:43:09.000 You get up on stage, you start to retain it differently.
01:43:14.000 There's been obviously periods for two, three weeks where I haven't done a show this year, and then you get back on and you can't remember anything.
01:43:21.000 I take a week or two off all the time, and when I come back on stage, I'm like, I always have to do a warm-up set.
01:43:25.000 I do something in town in LA, and then it charges it.
01:43:28.000 And then that's the only time where I'll go over material just to familiarize myself with what I've been talking about most recently.
01:43:35.000 So I have my iPhone records all my sets, and I get recordings from Brian too.
01:43:39.000 So then I take them and I put them on my iPod, and then I just listen to them on planes.
01:43:42.000 Yeah.
01:43:43.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:43:44.000 So it makes you dissect your shit. 1.00
01:43:46.000 It's also uncomfortable. 1.00
01:43:47.000 An audio recording.
01:43:47.000 You want to be better than what you're listening to.
01:43:49.000 You want to tighten it up and this and that.
01:43:51.000 Oh, yeah.
01:43:51.000 That's cool.
01:43:52.000 And you're not hearing it for the first time. 0.99
01:43:53.000 You're hearing it for the fucking 400th time, and it's you. 1.00
01:43:57.000 You really start breaking shit down. 0.99
01:43:58.000 So you record it in an iPod? 0.98
01:44:01.000 Sometimes on my iPhone.
01:44:02.000 Sometimes I get it from him.
01:44:03.000 He plugs up an MP3 recorder.
01:44:06.000 That's a good idea.
01:44:07.000 That's helpful.
01:44:07.000 Because then you can hear the little things that you say.
01:44:09.000 So you're enjoying it, man.
01:44:11.000 You're enjoying the whole process.
01:44:12.000 Yeah, it's been really, really fun.
01:44:13.000 And you know, I think like what we were talking about when we were having coffee, when I got here, In the kitchen, you were talking about how it's just nice to be in an independent thing where you want to come up with a crazy idea, a funny thought, and you go up and you can try it and there's no somebody coming in telling you not to say this or do that.
01:44:35.000 The most frustrating thing for anybody controversial like you has got to be a bunch of executives that have their ideas about what they think is going to be funny, and they're imposing it.
01:44:43.000 And you're like, look, it may not be funny for you. 0.96
01:44:45.000 It might not be funny for three people in this room, but four people in this room might think it's the funniest shit they've ever seen. 0.98
01:44:50.000 And you're going for those four people, and these people can never see that. 0.98
01:44:54.000 All they can see is, but you're losing three.
01:44:57.000 If you just took this back, this person would still like it.
01:45:00.000 You'd still get the original people, and we'd have two more people that like it.
01:45:03.000 Yeah.
01:45:04.000 That's how they think.
01:45:04.000 They think in these nutty numbers, and they're not thinking creatively.
01:45:07.000 And then you end up spending most of your time dealing with that, and at the end of it all, you're never really sure what it would have been if you'd just sort of gone wild on your own.
01:45:15.000 It's a beautiful thing about the stage.
01:45:17.000 Just being on the road has been really fun.
01:45:21.000 I also thought it'd be a cool way to go out and film stuff for my website, because I've always said, hey, it'd be cool to take my web show And go to different cities and see the people that watch the web show.
01:45:35.000 People call in on TomGreen.com.
01:45:37.000 They call in on Skype.
01:45:39.000 Every show I go to, it's so bizarre.
01:45:42.000 Every show I go to, I recognize 10 people in the audience.
01:45:44.000 Hey, John, how are you doing?
01:45:46.000 I've never been to the city before.
01:45:50.000 We've got to set up Skype, dude.
01:45:52.000 I'm just scared of 4chan.
01:45:54.000 You're scared of 4chan?
01:45:55.000 Yeah.
01:45:56.000 Don't be scared.
01:45:57.000 Oh yeah, that's fun. 1.00
01:45:58.000 It just gives you somebody to fuck with. 1.00
01:46:02.000 You should never admit that you're scared of them. 1.00
01:46:04.000 You should never admit it. 1.00
01:46:05.000 You're fucked up. 1.00
01:46:06.000 I'm not scared of them. 1.00
01:46:07.000 Yeah, you're already fucked up. 1.00
01:46:08.000 I want to join them. 1.00
01:46:10.000 There we go.
01:46:10.000 Now we're talking.
01:46:12.000 Well, you know, the thing is, to give you a little bit of an idea here, so what we've done in my eyesight, because 4chan, I found, did some fairly clever and ridiculous and absurd prank calls on us constantly.
01:46:29.000 Barrel roll.
01:46:30.000 Yeah, exactly.
01:46:31.000 Barrel roll.
01:46:31.000 Completely irrelevant.
01:46:33.000 And obviously the most annoying thing, because it's completely irrelevant, and I'm sitting here with a guest.
01:46:38.000 But that was on the phone, but on Skype, it's much more difficult for them to do that, because we've created a system, which I'll tell you about off-air, actually.
01:46:46.000 I'll tell you about off-air.
01:46:47.000 Off-air. 1.00
01:46:48.000 You motherfuckers. 1.00
01:46:49.000 You ain't getting time. 1.00
01:46:50.000 Gotta stay one step ahead of the 4chan, guys.
01:46:53.000 But I'll tell you, a system for Skype that you can actually use that will help in that area.
01:47:00.000 4chan!
01:47:01.000 Don't do it. 1.00
01:47:02.000 You're fucked up. 1.00
01:47:03.000 You hurt everybody's ears and you pissed a bunch of people off. 1.00
01:47:06.000 They're coming after you now, dude. 1.00
01:47:07.000 You're fucked up. 1.00
01:47:08.000 They went after that bitch that threw puppies in the river. 1.00
01:47:10.000 They got her. 1.00
01:47:12.000 Was that loud?
01:47:12.000 4chan got that.
01:47:13.000 Just kidding.
01:47:14.000 It was alright.
01:47:16.000 I think I'm losing my hearing because of stuff like that, too.
01:47:19.000 Yeah, me too.
01:47:19.000 Yeah, I think I'm starting to lose my hearing.
01:47:21.000 I've noticed a lot sometimes I'm in conversations with people and they're talking to me as if I should be able to hear what they're saying.
01:47:27.000 Same with me.
01:47:28.000 I'm thinking maybe I'm just not paying attention to them, but I can't hear them.
01:47:32.000 It's calling from having your ears blown out from people like me.
01:47:34.000 Is that what it is or is it just a bunch of people that are talking all soft?
01:47:37.000 Right. 1.00
01:47:38.000 It's a bitch. 1.00
01:47:38.000 Talk like a fucking normal person. 1.00
01:47:40.000 Some people just mumble, man. 0.99
01:47:41.000 Certain frequencies, too, when people have that frequency of voice and you're in a noisy area.
01:47:46.000 Are you doing comedy?
01:47:50.000 Tell me about what you're talking about on stage.
01:47:53.000 How annoying is that?
01:47:54.000 What kind of stuff do you talk about? 1.00
01:47:55.000 That is the dumbest question. 0.97
01:47:57.000 I mean, I know it's a relevant question, but for a comic, what are the things you're talking about right now? 1.00
01:48:03.000 Well, let me tell you, I think Sarah Palin is dumb. 1.00
01:48:06.000 Yeah, let me do the bit right now, which doesn't really, you know... 1.00
01:48:09.000 I think killer whales are smart.
01:48:10.000 They shouldn't be in pools.
01:48:12.000 I think...
01:48:12.000 Let me just take a look at what's going on right now.
01:48:14.000 UFOs, a lot of UFO stuff going on, huh?
01:48:17.000 Isn't there?
01:48:17.000 And I go in a little UFO bit.
01:48:19.000 You get to tell somebody exactly what you're talking about.
01:48:21.000 Because I think that people, when they ask that question, don't understand how important the audience is when you're telling these jokes.
01:48:28.000 It's so much part of it.
01:48:30.000 You need the audience there.
01:48:32.000 That's cool.
01:48:34.000 So wait, the UFO thing.
01:48:36.000 UFO thing?
01:48:36.000 Have you been paying attention to what's going on?
01:48:38.000 That's something that I watch.
01:48:40.000 You and appointed a liaison or a spokesperson for the human race in communication when aliens land.
01:48:48.000 Yeah.
01:48:49.000 Really?
01:48:50.000 It's some weird looking chick. 0.86
01:48:52.000 She's like very like...
01:48:52.000 It's not Sarah Palin.
01:48:54.000 Very man looking.
01:48:55.000 Yeah.
01:48:56.000 And she's the person that they're going to talk to?
01:48:58.000 Don't get me wrong.
01:48:59.000 She's strange looking. 0.91
01:48:59.000 She's the person they're going to talk to? 0.91
01:49:01.000 Yeah.
01:49:01.000 Yeah.
01:49:02.000 She's speaking for you.
01:49:02.000 Shouldn't we have some sort of input into this?
01:49:04.000 Say.
01:49:04.000 Yeah.
01:49:04.000 What the fuck?
01:49:05.000 Who this person is? 1.00
01:49:06.000 Is that just one little part of her job? 1.00
01:49:09.000 I don't know what the fuck her job is. 0.98
01:49:10.000 Is that just like, oh, and if we ever get attacked by aliens, you have to do this? 0.99
01:49:14.000 Maybe.
01:49:15.000 Volunteer firefighter?
01:49:16.000 Yeah.
01:49:17.000 Maybe it's just like that's the most basic part.
01:49:19.000 I hope so. 0.98
01:49:20.000 Could you imagine if that's a fucking full-time job? 0.99
01:49:22.000 Right. 0.98
01:49:22.000 Can you imagine if she gets like 100 grand a year in benefits and all she has to do is just sit around and wait for the ambulance to call? 0.98
01:49:26.000 She's got her feet up, reading us magazine.
01:49:29.000 Yeah, keep up to date on what's important.
01:49:31.000 All right. 0.98
01:49:33.000 The aliens don't give a fuck about who the leader is. 1.00
01:49:36.000 They don't give a shit. 1.00
01:49:37.000 If they were going to come here from another galaxy, they're the leader. 1.00
01:49:40.000 There is no leader.
01:49:41.000 You don't get to represent. 1.00
01:49:42.000 The aliens don't care what's the fucking number one ant. 1.00
01:49:45.000 Do you ever look at who's the number one ant before I kill all you people? 1.00
01:49:48.000 You just kill all the ants. 1.00
01:49:50.000 There's no discussion.
01:49:51.000 Yeah, you don't have communication with ants over who's going to die and whether or not you guys can move out. 0.99
01:49:56.000 No, you just kill them all.
01:49:57.000 And if that's what aliens decide to do to us, they'll do the same thing to us that we do to monkeys, that we do to dolphins, that we do to killer whales. 0.99
01:50:03.000 But they could be peaceful.
01:50:04.000 They could be like that monkey that was holding the kitten the other day.
01:50:07.000 They might just come down and cradle us.
01:50:09.000 Yeah, it might be the exact opposite.
01:50:10.000 They might just be like, hey, we just want to comb your hair and hang out.
01:50:14.000 Big fuzzy Chewbacca type creatures that come down and just want to cuddle us.
01:50:18.000 It's interesting.
01:50:18.000 I try to keep these thoughts, these ideas of UFOs and aliens, I try to keep them away from my consciousness because I think they're giant time wasters.
01:50:26.000 They contemplate, what if the aliens come in?
01:50:29.000 Are these UFO videos real? 0.99
01:50:32.000 I'm open to the possibility that there are aliens, but I'm not going to sit around and watch some fucking lights in the sky that I don't know what the fuck it is. 1.00
01:50:39.000 It turned out it was actually a helicopter and you're actually retarded. 1.00
01:50:42.000 Right. 0.93
01:50:42.000 You know, oh, you know, I mean, maybe this is a... 0.93
01:50:45.000 Or it was a prank.
01:50:47.000 Yeah, or it was a prank.
01:50:48.000 Like one of those little helicopters that he's souped up and has a couple of LEDs.
01:50:51.000 But I'm not close to the idea that there are something, that it is possible.
01:50:57.000 That there are some sort of intelligent life forms out there that are capable of traveling here.
01:51:01.000 Whether they're from another planet or another dimension. 0.61
01:51:03.000 It sounds ridiculous, but everything about this life would be ridiculous if we weren't living it.
01:51:08.000 The idea that we can get the internet would be ridiculous if it didn't exist.
01:51:11.000 The idea that you could send pictures from your phone.
01:51:13.000 The idea that you have a phone that fits in your pocket and you call someone in China and talk in real time.
01:51:19.000 Everything is so condensed now.
01:51:21.000 It's so much smaller now.
01:51:22.000 It's all so strange that it's entirely possible there's something super advanced past this, and they can communicate with us.
01:51:28.000 And it probably could be here right now watching us.
01:51:31.000 But these guys that came out today, or that you were talking about last night, that are Air Force generals, etc., that have been sworn to secrecy for the last 50 years or whatever, that say that they came and checked out some nuclear sites, and that they shut off some nuclear weapons, and they're all saying that this happened.
01:51:52.000 Do you think that happened?
01:51:53.000 It could be one of two things.
01:51:55.000 Well, it could be many things.
01:51:56.000 One of the things that it could be that I always think is maybe these guys are like being paid by the government to say absolutely ridiculous things and that nothing ever really happened at all.
01:52:06.000 And what there are is a part of some sort of a disinformation campaign.
01:52:09.000 And then eventually turn out they lied about a few details and that will discredit the whole story.
01:52:13.000 And it just makes aliens seem more and more ridiculous to calm people down because there may be some things that they can't keep wraps on.
01:52:21.000 And when those things are leaked, the best way to diffuse the impact of some sort of a crazy event or video, the best way to diffuse the impact would be to show all these other ones of similar stories that seem absolutely ridiculous.
01:52:32.000 So it automatically gets lumped into, oh, it's a UFO video. 0.96
01:52:35.000 Oh, you're crazy. 0.78
01:52:36.000 Oh, you believe that? 0.99
01:52:37.000 And so it automatically puts it into that category.
01:52:40.000 I mean, that's an effective psychological tactic. 0.96
01:52:42.000 If you were someone like the CIA or someone in the NSA, someone who's like of a super intelligence community, they know how to fucking manipulate people. 0.98
01:52:49.000 Don't make no mistake about it. 0.98
01:52:51.000 They absolutely do.
01:52:52.000 So it could be that.
01:52:54.000 Or... 1.00
01:52:54.000 It could be that these people really saw some shit and they don't even know what the fuck it is. 1.00
01:52:58.000 It could be that they're all crazy. 1.00
01:53:00.000 There's a bunch of could-bes. 1.00
01:53:02.000 But until I see something, until some shit comes into my life, I'm just wasting my time. 0.99
01:53:07.000 I just – I don't want to sit around thinking whether or not half this shit is real and Rob Lazar, did he really work at Area 51? 0.99
01:53:14.000 Yeah, that guy. 0.99
01:53:15.000 I saw that guy.
01:53:16.000 I've watched all – I got addicted to watching that stuff for a good year.
01:53:19.000 I was addicted to watching all this stuff and talking – this disclosure.
01:53:24.000 They're going to tell us soon.
01:53:26.000 They're just prepping us for it.
01:53:27.000 Yeah, the disclosure project.
01:53:29.000 Yeah.
01:53:29.000 I really do hope that they tell us soon because I think that would be pretty cool.
01:53:33.000 I don't think they know, man.
01:53:34.000 I think there's a lot of people scrambling, trying to figure out a bunch of different things that don't make sense. 0.98
01:53:38.000 And I think it's very possible that there are some alien life forms, but I do not think that our government has shit under control enough to keep all that shit under wraps and to somehow or another be communicating with these things. 0.97
01:53:48.000 I think if the government knows anything about UFOs, they know barely more than the average person knows. 0.99
01:53:53.000 And they have some evidence and they keep that shit under wraps. 0.97
01:53:56.000 They have cleared up some evidence perhaps. 0.99
01:53:58.000 Maybe, if it's true.
01:53:59.000 Maybe.
01:54:00.000 You hear all the Area 51 stories and the Roswell stories and the crashes have been recovered all over the country.
01:54:07.000 There's been crashes recovered supposedly in Pennsylvania in the woods. 1.00
01:54:10.000 And who knows how much of that shit is bullshit. 0.99
01:54:12.000 Who knows how much of that stuff is just some sort of a prototype that the US government was working on and it didn't work and it crashed? 1.00
01:54:17.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.92
01:54:18.000 But I'm open, man. 0.99
01:54:19.000 I'm open to the possibility.
01:54:21.000 That's just the fact that we exist to ants.
01:54:24.000 Then that means the way the universe works, things become ever more complicated.
01:54:28.000 They keep going in the same direction over and over again.
01:54:30.000 If human beings came from amoebas...
01:54:31.000 And all of a sudden, someday evolved to become human beings. 0.98
01:54:34.000 Whatever the fuck we were as single-celled organisms that became us, there's going to be a similar leap of evolution from us to something else. 0.99
01:54:43.000 So it literally will be the aliens will be treating us the same way we treat a fucking ant colony. 1.00
01:54:47.000 Look at these silly cunts. 1.00
01:54:49.000 Look at these silly cunts with their pollution and their stupid buildings. 1.00
01:54:51.000 See, I'm hoping what it is is these ships that come, right? 1.00
01:54:54.000 They come and they start talking to us and then eventually they open up and they come and they look exactly like us, right?
01:54:59.000 They look exactly like us.
01:55:00.000 And what it is is we've spread.
01:55:02.000 Maybe they got like ants, right?
01:55:05.000 They got similar human beings.
01:55:06.000 But what's so great about us?
01:55:07.000 So then we get in this thing and you get to go to another planet instantly with their technology and it's got more space and there's no pollution.
01:55:15.000 That's what I'm kind of hoping for.
01:55:17.000 That's what I'm kind of angling for.
01:55:18.000 I'm hoping for that.
01:55:19.000 You want utopia.
01:55:20.000 That's beautiful.
01:55:21.000 You know what you should do?
01:55:22.000 You should write a book saying that you know it's true and then start a cult.
01:55:25.000 Yeah.
01:55:25.000 And then drink a bunch of grape Kool-Aid and brew.
01:55:27.000 You don't have to go crazy Kool-Aid.
01:55:29.000 Come on, children.
01:55:30.000 I think that was in Africa, wasn't it?
01:55:31.000 I don't drink the Kool-Aid.
01:55:32.000 It was...
01:55:33.000 Guyana.
01:55:35.000 Yeah.
01:55:35.000 Was it?
01:55:36.000 Yeah.
01:55:36.000 Kool-Aid.
01:55:37.000 Guyana.
01:55:37.000 Guyana tragedy.
01:55:38.000 Jim Jones.
01:55:39.000 It's amazing, isn't it?
01:55:40.000 South America, right?
01:55:41.000 Right, it was South America.
01:55:42.000 Guyana, South America?
01:55:43.000 Is that what it is?
01:55:43.000 French or Guyana is in South America.
01:55:44.000 You heard the audio recording, right?
01:55:46.000 Yeah.
01:55:46.000 It's crazy.
01:55:47.000 It's so scary.
01:55:49.000 If you don't know the story, Jim Jones was a cult leader, moved all of his people to Guyana, wherever that is.
01:55:55.000 I thought it was Africa.
01:55:56.000 Sounds African. 0.96
01:55:57.000 And they all drank. 0.72
01:55:58.000 He made them all poison themselves. 0.57
01:56:00.000 And then they shot a bunch of people, too.
01:56:01.000 He didn't want to take the poison.
01:56:02.000 Congressmen flew down there to see them.
01:56:04.000 And the way they poisoned them was they put the cyanide in grape Kool-Aid.
01:56:08.000 And that's why they say, don't drink the Kool-Aid.
01:56:12.000 That's where that saying comes from.
01:56:13.000 Yeah, and that's the saying that… Yeah, a cultural tag.
01:56:20.000 I wonder if Kool-Aid's pissed about that, too.
01:56:22.000 Yeah, they must be.
01:56:24.000 Why would they when they're so delicious?
01:56:25.000 Why would they worry? 0.99
01:56:26.000 Why would Kool-Aid give a fuck? 1.00
01:56:28.000 Because they're connected to a mass murder. 0.99
01:56:30.000 That's true.
01:56:31.000 I know, for a long time, I wonder how we should research, find out what their sales were right after the Diana charity.
01:56:36.000 If it went up or down.
01:56:38.000 That's probably why Hawaiian Punch was born.
01:56:40.000 Oh, yeah.
01:56:40.000 Probably came out after that.
01:56:41.000 Yeah, you'd think Kool-Aid might have just changed their name.
01:56:43.000 Maybe.
01:56:44.000 You might be right, Tom Green.
01:56:45.000 I think that's a good note to end it on.
01:56:48.000 Absolutely.
01:56:49.000 This has been awesome.
01:56:50.000 This is a lot of fun, dude.
01:56:51.000 We've been on for a couple hours or something, right?
01:56:52.000 Yeah, two hours.
01:56:53.000 That's amazing.
01:56:53.000 Well, it's cool because we get to go into depth about subjects.
01:56:56.000 I find that when we were doing an hour, we would just start talking about things, and then all of a sudden we'd run out of time.
01:57:01.000 We're like, why can't we just keep going?
01:57:02.000 We said that when I was on your show.
01:57:04.000 I was like, this is so much fun.
01:57:05.000 It seems like it'd be more fun if we got to keep going.
01:57:07.000 It's nice just to get into a rhythm like that.
01:57:09.000 And I appreciate you having me on the show.
01:57:10.000 This is really cool.
01:57:11.000 Thank you very much.
01:57:11.000 Please, thank you very much for doing it, man.
01:57:12.000 I appreciate you coming by.
01:57:13.000 I think it's so awesome that I can just run into...
01:57:15.000 Ryan.
01:57:16.000 And I'd love to have you come back and do the WeboVision soon at TomGreen.com.
01:57:20.000 We can run into each other at a comedy club and then all of a sudden, boom, we're hanging out doing a podcast.
01:57:24.000 That show that you did is actually on TomGreen.com right now.
01:57:27.000 You can go watch it.
01:57:28.000 And follow me on Twitter.
01:57:29.000 Yes.
01:57:30.000 At Tom Green Live.
01:57:31.000 And Tom Green, if you haven't seen his show, he has a whole web, we were talking about the show, he and I did, he has a whole, literally like a Tonight Show on the internet.
01:57:39.000 It's a brilliant thing, and I loved it, and it inspired me to do this.
01:57:43.000 That was the first thought in my mind of putting something together on the internet.
01:57:47.000 Yep, you get my tour dates on there.
01:57:48.000 Come see me in San Francisco this weekend.
01:57:50.000 TomGreenLive.com or TomGreen?
01:57:51.000 TomGreen.com and TomGreenLive.com.
01:57:54.000 It'll link to it also on Twitter.
01:57:56.000 I'm in Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco this weekend.
01:57:59.000 I've never been there before. 0.98
01:58:00.000 Fucking awesome. 0.98
01:58:01.000 Great club. 0.99
01:58:02.000 And then Minneapolis the next week and then Canada.
01:58:07.000 Powerful Canada. 1.00
01:58:07.000 He's coming home, bitches. 1.00
01:58:09.000 All right, thank you very much, everybody. 0.97
01:58:11.000 We will see you probably, it looks like, next Wednesday, Monday or Wednesday, depending on who I can get for next week.