The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #46 - Chris Aubrey Marcus (Part 1)

00:00:01.000 Brian, this doesn't have a connection.

00:00:03.000 Did you plug it in?

00:00:04.000 Yeah.

00:00:04.000 Okay.

00:00:11.000 Not yet.

00:00:11.000 Hold on.

00:00:12.000 Hold on.

00:00:12.000 Hold on, we have a web problem.

00:00:13.000 Some Wi-Fi.

00:00:23.000 Okay.

00:00:24.000 Your Wi-Fi is jacked.

00:00:31.000 People are asking, why do you guys have an opening song, and then after the opening song, then you play more music? 0.99

00:00:39.000 Like, what kind of shit is that? 0.99

00:00:41.000 And you're right. 1.00

00:00:42.000 It's fucking ridiculous. 1.00

00:00:44.000 This whole show's ridiculous. 1.00

00:00:45.000 I can't believe anybody's even listening. 0.97

00:00:47.000 At this point, this is the most ghetto podcast on the internet.

00:00:54.000 The most fun to do, though.

00:00:57.000 And this is some mash-up, Brian.

00:00:59.000 Who's the mash-up?

00:01:00.000 I believe it's Party Bin.

00:01:02.000 It might be Girl Talk. 0.99

00:01:02.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:01:03.000 You know what, man?

00:01:04.000 I used to not be a big fan of podcasts until I heard this Voodoo Child Jay-Z mix. 0.93

00:01:09.000 And I was like, God damn, okay, you did something there. 0.92

00:01:13.000 You know? 0.97

00:01:14.000 Like, a lot of times I'll listen to a podcast or to a mash-up, rather, and I'm like, this isn't that interesting.

00:01:21.000 But every now and then they just fucking make something super cool. 0.97

00:01:24.000 They just kill it. 1.00

00:01:25.000 Yeah, it's like shit that you shouldn't think would go together, like chicken and waffles. 1.00

00:01:28.000 Bam! 1.00

00:01:29.000 There was a Jay-Z, Linkin Park mashup that was just dirty.

00:01:33.000 Yeah, didn't they do a whole album to that?

00:01:35.000 Yeah, they did. 0.99

00:01:36.000 I love when shit like that happens. 1.00

00:01:38.000 I love when artists get together like that and create something fucking nutty. 0.99

00:01:42.000 We were talking about this before the podcast, and it's, you know, total retard hippie talk, but what the fuck is music, and what does it do? 0.99

00:01:50.000 How does it just get in you, man? 0.99

00:01:52.000 Either way, we're talking to.

00:01:53.000 Yeah, oh, I was going to introduce him eventually.

00:01:56.000 This is my friend Chris.

00:01:57.000 What's going on?

00:01:59.000 Chris is a writer.

00:02:02.000 He writes for the blog, what is it, warriorpoet.us?

00:02:06.000 And what is a.us, man?

00:02:09.000 I'm looking to take over the world eventually, but I'm starting with the U.S..com is currently unavailable.

00:02:15.000 Yeah, I couldn't get JoeRogan.com.

00:02:17.000 The dude who owns it, he's a nice guy.

00:02:19.000 He's a real estate guy, but he goes, just occurred to me, the more famous you get, the more this is worth. 0.99

00:02:24.000 I was like, oh, all right, dick. 0.99

00:02:26.000 I'm like, I'm not buying this for you now. 0.99

00:02:27.000 You got some Twitter dude who was holding down your...

00:02:29.000 Yeah, but I got it back from Twitter.

00:02:30.000 Twitter gave it up.

00:02:31.000 But this dude, his name's Joe Rogan, and he's older than me, so respect to him.

00:02:34.000 It's got to go to him more than it is to me.

00:02:37.000 You know, I was willing to buy it, but after you said that, I was like, get out of here.

00:02:40.000 The more famous you get, the more this is worth.

00:02:42.000 Oh, come on, man.

00:02:44.000 What are you, 12?

00:02:45.000 Just tell me what you want.

00:02:46.000 Can we talk through this?

00:02:47.000 The more famous you get, I can hold on to it.

00:02:49.000 This is a good investment.

00:02:51.000 Except you have to be able to buy it for it to be valuable.

00:02:53.000 It doesn't matter.

00:02:54.000 You can find me now.

00:02:55.000 It's Google, JoeRogan.net.

00:02:57.000 It's probably good. 1.00

00:02:58.000 It probably filters out a bunch of idiots. 1.00

00:03:01.000 Because if you can't type.net instead of.com, if you give up, I quit! 1.00

00:03:05.000 I couldn't find it!

00:03:07.000 Good, I don't want you finding it.

00:03:08.000 People would put the.com in the Google search bar instead of the URL, too.

00:03:12.000 Yeah.

00:03:13.000 I'm sure Brian knows about that.

00:03:14.000 I do that all the time.

00:03:15.000 Do you?

00:03:16.000 Yeah.

00:03:16.000 What happens when you do that?

00:03:18.000 You porn shows up and they have to masturbate using a flashlight. 0.99

00:03:21.000 Is that really what happens? 1.00

00:03:22.000 Yeah.

00:03:23.000 Porn shows up if you put a.com? 1.00

00:03:24.000 Every time I put anything, I'm fucking... 0.99

00:03:28.000 I think that's called a virus. 1.00

00:03:30.000 Yeah, dude, you gotta get your shit cleaned out, son. 1.00

00:03:32.000 Are you serious? 0.98

00:03:33.000 I just need to clear my cache, because seriously, everything that comes up on my toolbar...

00:03:37.000 Have you just been beating it furiously lately?

00:03:40.000 Brian, if you don't know, ladies and gentlemen, Brian had a very lust-filled, short-term relationship, which was filled with passion and a loss of fluids, and then as quickly as the storm came into town, the storm left...

00:03:54.000 And I have kids now.

00:03:55.000 I have a dog now.

00:03:56.000 He's got a kid from the relationship.

00:03:59.000 Here's lesson number one, children.

00:04:01.000 Anyone under 30 that I'm talking to right now, listen to me. 1.00

00:04:04.000 Do not get a dog with a chick. 0.99

00:04:06.000 Never, ever.

00:04:07.000 Don't do it.

00:04:08.000 Unless you guys have kids, don't get a dog.

00:04:10.000 And if you do do it, go right to the pet store. 1.00

00:04:13.000 Fuck what they say. 1.00

00:04:14.000 Just go against all the rules and get one of those dogs. 1.00

00:04:17.000 Don't go to the pet store.

00:04:18.000 Don't support puppy mills, man.

00:04:20.000 Hope those pet stores go under. 1.00

00:04:21.000 Go to the fucking pound or go to a good breeder. 1.00

00:04:23.000 Obviously, I'm kidding. 1.00

00:04:24.000 I got one of my dogs from a breeder, man.

00:04:26.000 There's nothing wrong with breeders. 0.84

00:04:28.000 People talk shit about breeders, but if a guy's a passionate breeder and really breeds dogs because he wants a good bee... 0.94

00:04:33.000 My dog is awesome, dude. 0.99

00:04:35.000 And one of the reasons why he's awesome is because his dad was awesome.

00:04:37.000 His dad was one of the security dogs on Fear Factor.

00:04:39.000 Mm-hmm.

00:04:40.000 We had him bite people in these big crazy bite suits.

00:04:43.000 And his dog was so cool.

00:04:45.000 He was just chill.

00:04:46.000 Hanging out with everybody.

00:04:47.000 Not douchey to the other dogs.

00:04:49.000 He was just the sweetest dog.

00:04:51.000 Come over to you.

00:04:51.000 Hey man, what's going on?

00:04:52.000 Meanwhile, he's this giant mastiff.

00:04:54.000 And I'm like, what a great dog.

00:04:56.000 He's so friendly.

00:04:57.000 Makes such a difference.

00:04:59.000 Genuinely affectionate.

00:05:00.000 Like, come up and rub against you and love it when you rub his head.

00:05:03.000 I'm like, how crazy is this dog?

00:05:04.000 He's got like this perfect personality. 0.99

00:05:05.000 Well, this guy won't let his douchebags breed. 1.00

00:05:08.000 He just, any time a dog, he goes, I love them, I take care of them, but no breeding for you, you fuck. 1.00

00:05:12.000 And he takes them and he takes all the douchebags out. 1.00

00:05:14.000 So he's done this for like 20 generations.

00:05:16.000 So his dogs are like the coolest dogs. 0.99

00:05:19.000 Like, I come over his house, he's got these big fucking mastiffs. 1.00

00:05:22.000 They're like, the chick's like a buck thirty and the male's like a buck fifty. 1.00

00:05:25.000 And they come up to you like, okay, these are lions.

00:05:27.000 These are these small lions that I'm just assuming you have control over. 0.99

00:05:31.000 You know, I'm walking in your house and I'm trusting my balls and my legs. 0.99

00:05:35.000 I'm trusting all my soft tissue to these monsters that you have under your control. 0.99

00:05:39.000 The dogs couldn't have been more chill.

00:05:41.000 Just like, hey, how you doing? 1.00

00:05:43.000 Not like checking you out, like, what's up, bitch? 1.00

00:05:46.000 What the fuck are you doing around here? 1.00

00:05:47.000 Not sniffing you all aggro. 1.00

00:05:49.000 Some of them will disrespect you with a sniff. 1.00

00:05:52.000 That's like letting you know, bitch, I'm just going to sniff your dick right now. 1.00

00:05:55.000 Get it on your dick. 1.00

00:05:57.000 They're going aggro on you, man. 1.00

00:05:58.000 They're pulling some alpha male shit. 1.00

00:06:00.000 You've got to step in and stop them from doing that. 1.00

00:06:02.000 Yeah.

00:06:03.000 man these dogs were so cool they just had this air about them like hi hi come on in meanwhile they would do bite work like he would have these dudes in a suit and they would hold them back and they let the dog loose it was like a meat cannon like like you shot a side of beef at this dude's arm the thing would just latch out of the guy and bring him down i'm like what a crazy thing you've engineered yeah this like dog that will respond to your every command is super intelligent and is And can mimic the primal attack mode and then shut it off.

00:06:32.000 And shut it right off and be super friendly.

00:06:34.000 Do physically exactly what he's designed to do to kill and then stop.

00:06:38.000 Dude, that was the most impressive thing to me when we were on Fear Factor is what people have done with dog breeding and dog training. 0.99

00:06:45.000 Dogs that really know their shit, they're impressive, man. 0.99

00:06:48.000 That's impressive. 1.00

00:06:48.000 They have it locked down. 1.00

00:06:50.000 They're giving them treats, and they're setting them up, and they're giving them their affection, and they're giving them their recognition for what they've done.

00:06:55.000 These dogs will do anything. 1.00

00:06:57.000 They'll do whatever the fuck you say. 1.00

00:06:59.000 It's pretty nuts that we figured out a way to do that. 1.00

00:07:01.000 I always think it's kind of funny that people will...

00:07:03.000 I totally love and respect people rescuing animals.

00:07:06.000 I think that's a beautiful thing that people do.

00:07:08.000 And then, you know, there's the other people who will buy like a budget animal, you know, which is definitely coming from a bad place if you're buying like a dog for like a hundred bucks.

00:07:16.000 Sometimes people just fall in love too.

00:07:19.000 Yeah, that's true.

00:07:19.000 Sometimes people see a dog and they just go, I gotta get that dog.

00:07:21.000 Yeah, but you know, they expect great results.

00:07:24.000 It's like there's a place where they had like $25 tattoos.

00:07:27.000 You're gonna have this for a long time.

00:07:29.000 Like, make a good investment.

00:07:31.000 Yeah, but some people just say, but it's a dog.

00:07:33.000 What could be wrong with it?

00:07:34.000 I've had a bunch of dogs with like, I had this bulldog.

00:07:37.000 He's had to have a bunch of dogs.

00:07:41.000 He's got hip dysplasia, so he had to have to get both his arms operated.

00:07:46.000 And it was like six grand, man.

00:07:48.000 It's like serious money.

00:07:49.000 So it was like $18,000, I think, for both of his arms.

00:07:52.000 He had to have one operation, and then he had to have one a while later.

00:07:55.000 And then they were talking about replacing his back hips. 1.00

00:07:58.000 And I'm like, listen, this dog's lazy as fuck. 1.00

00:08:00.000 You don't have to do that. 1.00

00:08:02.000 This dog just likes to chill.

00:08:04.000 Yeah, he walks around with a bit of a limp, but he seems happy.

00:08:07.000 He might be in a little pain, but most of the time he's just chilling.

00:08:09.000 He's not a running dog.

00:08:10.000 He's a bulldog.

00:08:11.000 He's just going to relax. 1.00

00:08:13.000 Yeah, he's fucked up. 1.00

00:08:14.000 You don't have to give him metal hips. 1.00

00:08:15.000 Just let him be fucked up. 1.00

00:08:17.000 But that's a dog that was given to me. 0.99

00:08:19.000 If it was a situation, I would have never wanted to get a dog like that.

00:08:25.000 I would look for dogs that have a genetic propensity for hip dysplasia and stuff like that.

00:08:29.000 You gotta think, man. 0.99

00:08:31.000 It's wonderful to love a dog and take care of him, but you're adopting a giant bag of fucking problems with some animals. 1.00

00:08:37.000 If you get them from a good breeder, you know what the fuck you're getting. 1.00

00:08:40.000 Yeah, we bought a big Savannah cat. 0.99

00:08:43.000 It's going to be almost a 30-pound cat.

00:08:44.000 That's insane.

00:08:45.000 You told me about that.

00:08:46.000 That's insane. 1.00

00:08:47.000 And you feed this thing like chicken wings and shit? 1.00

00:08:49.000 Yeah, chicken bones. 0.99

00:08:49.000 And it just growls? 0.99

00:08:50.000 And it just hunts it.

00:08:51.000 It just hunts it.

00:08:52.000 It sits there and it'll stalk it.

00:08:53.000 And then it'll just pounce.

00:08:54.000 And then it'll grab it in its mouth and throw it up in the air and paw it before it gets down to the ground. 0.95

00:08:59.000 Wow.

00:08:59.000 Just savage.

00:09:00.000 But do you trust it with you?

00:09:01.000 Does it ever get dicky with you?

00:09:03.000 Totally.

00:09:03.000 No.

00:09:04.000 I mean, because I've definitely alpha mailed it, too, though.

00:09:06.000 Is it terrible for furniture?

00:09:07.000 Yeah.

00:09:07.000 Does it destroy things?

00:09:09.000 No, he doesn't have that crazy cat instinct where he's going to rip stuff up.

00:09:12.000 Do you have posts for him or something?

00:09:14.000 We do have some posts.

00:09:15.000 And does he use those?

00:09:16.000 He does.

00:09:17.000 So he doesn't defy you?

00:09:19.000 No, he doesn't. 1.00

00:09:19.000 I got this little motherfucker. 1.00

00:09:21.000 This little motherfucker. 1.00

00:09:22.000 I got this little cat named Oliver. 1.00

00:09:24.000 And he's a rag doll. 0.97

00:09:25.000 And he's a sweet cat.

00:09:26.000 He's super friendly.

00:09:27.000 Super sweet.

00:09:28.000 Loves coming up. 0.97

00:09:29.000 If you tell him to get the fuck out of here, he's going to keep coming back. 0.98

00:09:32.000 He's going to prove a point. 0.99

00:09:34.000 He'll come into... 1.00

00:09:35.000 My library has a carpet in it and I don't like him licking his asshole on my white carpet. 1.00

00:09:40.000 So I'm like, get the fuck out of here licking your asshole. 1.00

00:09:44.000 Dingleberries are worse than them licking their asshole. 1.00

00:09:46.000 Well, whatever. 1.00

00:09:46.000 He's got short hair. 1.00

00:09:47.000 I'd rather just take care of that right away.

00:09:48.000 He's trimmed.

00:09:49.000 I trimmed him. 0.90

00:09:50.000 We trim him for the summer because he's a fluffy cat and it gets hot as fuck out here. 1.00

00:09:55.000 Anyway, he's licking his asshole on this white carpet. 1.00

00:09:57.000 I'm like, get the fuck out of here, dude. 1.00

00:09:59.000 Come on, you gotta go. 0.98

00:09:59.000 I'm being nice about it. 0.98

00:10:01.000 I pick him up.

00:10:02.000 I take him out.

00:10:02.000 Thank you.

00:10:03.000 Bye.

00:10:03.000 I go back in.

00:10:04.000 I'm rearranging my shit. 0.99

00:10:05.000 I turn back in. 1.00

00:10:06.000 He's licking his asshole again. 1.00

00:10:07.000 Same spot. 1.00

00:10:08.000 It's like, you can't lick your asshole over there. 1.00

00:10:11.000 He wanted to walk back to the exact... 1.00

00:10:13.000 No, this is where I want to be.

00:10:15.000 I'm the one who decides where I want to be.

00:10:17.000 I want to be right here.

00:10:19.000 I picked him up. 0.99

00:10:20.000 I put him out of that room four fucking times. 0.99

00:10:22.000 I finally shut the door. 0.99

00:10:23.000 I had to shut the door.

00:10:24.000 I had to give up. 1.00

00:10:24.000 A little cocksucker. 1.00

00:10:25.000 He tests me. 0.99

00:10:26.000 But he's a little tiny cat.

00:10:28.000 If it was like a big serval, that's what they're called?

00:10:30.000 Yeah, well, it's bred from servals.

00:10:32.000 So they call them savannas when they get one generation removed from that.

00:10:35.000 So it's a serval mix with a domestic cat?

00:10:37.000 It's a serval mix with a domestic.

00:10:38.000 But the breeder I got them from, they've been doing it so long, it's mostly savannah to savannah mating.

00:10:43.000 What exactly is a serval?

00:10:45.000 It's this wild-looking mini cheetah with really long legs.

00:10:48.000 It's a wild animal.

00:10:49.000 Fully wild, yeah.

00:10:50.000 So they don't train those at all?

00:10:51.000 No.

00:10:52.000 Those are just gone.

00:10:54.000 I mean, they live.

00:10:55.000 I mean, there's pictures from the breeder, the servals with the children and stuff like that.

00:10:59.000 They hang out all right.

00:11:01.000 There was a...

00:11:01.000 Fear Factor show that we did once, and it was in this really rural area.

00:11:06.000 Really rural.

00:11:08.000 You know, like these people were living out, there was no one out there. 0.99

00:11:11.000 And one woman had a dog that got fucked by a coyote. 0.99

00:11:16.000 And it had always half coyote, half dog puppies. 0.99

00:11:18.000 It was a trip, dude.

00:11:20.000 It was a trip.

00:11:22.000 They were all huddled together because it was freezing cold.

00:11:24.000 A bunch of the cast, or the crew rather, took them home.

00:11:27.000 As pets.

00:11:28.000 Because everybody was so heartbroken.

00:11:30.000 Because it was really cold outside.

00:11:31.000 We were filming in the winter.

00:11:32.000 And we're up in this really high altitude area. 0.99

00:11:35.000 It's cold as fuck. 0.97

00:11:36.000 And there's these puppies all huddled up together. 0.99

00:11:39.000 Like shaking.

00:11:40.000 And they're half coyote, man.

00:11:41.000 It was crazy. 1.00

00:11:42.000 Some dog got fucked by some murderous beast from the woods. 1.00

00:11:46.000 You know? 1.00

00:11:47.000 When a dog gets fucked by a coyote, that's gotta be some trippy shit. 1.00

00:11:50.000 It's gotta be a gnarly coyote too. 1.00

00:11:51.000 What's crazy about those hyenas that people use as dogs?

00:11:54.000 You know? 0.95

00:11:54.000 I wonder if a dog fucks a coyote, if a coyote fucks a dog, because that's what it is usually, probably. 0.95

00:12:00.000 I bet it's not dogs fucking coyotes. 1.00

00:12:01.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:12:02.000 One of those big...

00:12:03.000 I bet it's a male. 0.99

00:12:03.000 Big mastiffs could fucking take it. 0.99

00:12:05.000 Do you think so? 1.00

00:12:05.000 No, I think you'd kill it. 1.00

00:12:06.000 I think you'd kill it. 1.00

00:12:07.000 Yeah, I think they'd have a war. 1.00

00:12:08.000 They would go to... 1.00

00:12:09.000 But a male gets to fuck a dog. 1.00

00:12:12.000 The males can fuck the dogs. 1.00

00:12:14.000 That's so creepy, man. 1.00

00:12:16.000 Yeah.

00:12:16.000 That's like, I wonder if the dogs can go back to regular dogs after that.

00:12:20.000 Or if they just get used to getting coyote fucked. 0.97

00:12:22.000 Have you ever seen a coyote's mouth when they open their jaws? 0.99

00:12:25.000 Dude, there's like rows of teeth like a crocodile. 1.00

00:12:28.000 That shit goes back. 1.00

00:12:30.000 Like the first time I saw a coyote yawn, I was like, whoa, hold on. 1.00

00:12:34.000 Like, you start thinking they're dogs, and then you see a coyote yawn. 1.00

00:12:37.000 You're like, you've got like 20 extra teeth, you fuck. 1.00

00:12:40.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:12:41.000 Those are scary, creepy fucking murderers sneaking in and fucking your dog. 1.00

00:12:45.000 There's a dude that runs down Lake in Austin, which is a big jogging trail. 1.00

00:12:50.000 He has three wolves, four wolves, and he just pretends that they're not wolves.

00:12:55.000 They're beautiful creatures, but that's a little iffy.

00:12:59.000 Yeah, I have a friend who has one. 1.00

00:13:00.000 He has one, and the fucking thing got out and killed a gang of goats. 0.99

00:13:04.000 Killed, like, got out of his, he has like a ranch, and it got from his ranch and went into the neighbor's ranch, and just started jacking their animals. 1.00

00:13:12.000 Just fucking up everything. 0.99

00:13:13.000 A little too much. 0.99

00:13:14.000 He had a blood orgy. 0.98

00:13:16.000 Just went over there. 0.99

00:13:17.000 He found a pen that was filled with goats.

00:13:20.000 So he jumped into this pen and started just tearing these goats apart.

00:13:24.000 And he was big.

00:13:25.000 160, 170 pounds.

00:13:27.000 Just ripping them apart. 1.00

00:13:29.000 And I'm like, bro, you don't have control of this fucking thing, man. 1.00

00:13:32.000 You gotta be careful. 0.99

00:13:33.000 So what does he do?

00:13:34.000 He moves to Hollywood.

00:13:35.000 Brings his wolf.

00:13:36.000 Three of them. 1.00

00:13:37.000 He's got three of them, this douchebag. 1.00

00:13:39.000 Living in the fucking Hollywood Hills. 1.00

00:13:40.000 This thing's out killing deer and shit. 1.00

00:13:42.000 I heard wolves aren't even good for home invasion either. 0.99

00:13:45.000 If you come in the home, they're not territorially protected because they have those wide ranges.

00:13:50.000 It's not like other dogs.

00:13:51.000 A burglar murderer can come in your home and do whatever.

00:13:55.000 But if it threatens you, apparently, then the wolf will protect you.

00:14:00.000 Yeah, you're his buddy.

00:14:02.000 But you're not his dad.

00:14:05.000 That's the difference.

00:14:05.000 You're his buddy.

00:14:06.000 It's like if your roommate is getting attacked, you're going to jump in.

00:14:09.000 But that's not like if your son was getting attacked.

00:14:13.000 Or if your father was getting attacked, rather.

00:14:15.000 And that's how dogs are.

00:14:17.000 Dogs look at you like you're a dad.

00:14:18.000 With a wolf, you're just like, what's up, man? 1.00

00:14:20.000 He's got fucking with you? 1.00

00:14:22.000 The wolf's like, yo, yo, yo, get that shit out of here! 1.00

00:14:25.000 But the wolf is not like, you can't come over. 1.00

00:14:27.000 The wolf's not like, who the fuck are you? 0.99

00:14:28.000 Let me check you out and make sure you're okay. 1.00

00:14:30.000 The wolf's like, bitch, I know you're okay. 1.00

00:14:32.000 What are you going to do to me, stupid? 1.00

00:14:33.000 That's how the wolf looks at you. 1.00

00:14:34.000 The wolf's not threatened by you.

00:14:37.000 He's like, oh, are you being nice?

00:14:38.000 Okay, good, whatever.

00:14:40.000 I have teeth.

00:14:40.000 Look at these teeth.

00:14:41.000 I'll fucking kill you, dude. 1.00

00:14:43.000 They're not worried about you. 1.00

00:14:44.000 Look at my smile.

00:14:44.000 Yeah, they don't just listen to you.

00:14:46.000 It's a totally different situation.

00:14:48.000 It's like, for the most part, you're probably going to be okay and they're not going to kill anybody.

00:14:52.000 But wolves have killed people.

00:14:54.000 Wolves killed people.

00:14:55.000 A woman got attacked by wolves recently.

00:14:57.000 I think it was in Alaska.

00:14:58.000 I'm not sure where it was.

00:14:59.000 But a woman got attacked and killed by wolves.

00:15:01.000 It's very rare. 0.99

00:15:02.000 The last time it happened was like the 1950s or some shit. 0.97

00:15:05.000 But so what? 0.98

00:15:06.000 So it happened. 0.99

00:15:08.000 If there's only one monster, a fucking goblin, ate some old lady's head once in 1812, that would be the most haunted woods for the history of time. 0.99

00:15:17.000 You'd be like, that thing's real and it's out there? 0.99

00:15:19.000 Well, wolves are for fucking sure real. 0.97

00:15:21.000 They howl. 0.98

00:15:22.000 You can see them.

00:15:23.000 You can watch documentaries on them.

00:15:24.000 If you go through Wyoming, you're going to see them.

00:15:26.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:15:27.000 Or was it Wyoming?

00:15:28.000 Where are wolves?

00:15:29.000 Yeah, Wyoming will have them.

00:15:31.000 Are they?

00:15:31.000 North Dakota.

00:15:32.000 For sure, like Yellowstone, right?

00:15:33.000 Those are real animals, man.

00:15:35.000 And they'll jack you. 0.94

00:15:36.000 And they're smart.

00:15:37.000 People forget the mythical basis for that.

00:15:39.000 I mean, wolves were real enemies.

00:15:40.000 I mean, the expression, keep the wolves in the hills and our women in our beds was real. 0.70

00:15:43.000 Yeah, they're babies, man.

00:15:45.000 You were toasting to that daily, you know, back in the days.

00:15:47.000 Yeah, what happened? 0.99

00:15:48.000 Did they just wise up to our whole gun situation and just, like, back off with all that aggression shit? 0.97

00:15:53.000 I think they got trappers just... 0.99

00:15:56.000 Decimated the population.

00:15:58.000 Is that what it is? 0.99

00:15:59.000 And the population is so small, now they don't feel the strength to fuck with people. 0.99

00:16:02.000 They will fuck up your crops or your cattle, though. 1.00

00:16:06.000 If you have cows or if you have any animals, they will fuck them up, man. 0.99

00:16:10.000 Them and mountain lions. 0.99

00:16:13.000 I was a kid once and I was reading this comic book and I used to read a lot of Creepy and Eerie.

00:16:20.000 Do you remember those comic books?

00:16:21.000 Do you remember those at all?

00:16:22.000 Creepy and Eerie were like these really cool comic books that were like black and white, like really cool illustrations and it was all like monster stories.

00:16:30.000 And one of them was about this werewolf that was sneaking into these people that had sheep and they were living in the Old West or some shit and they had sheep and the werewolf would sneak into their pen and kill all the sheep.

00:16:42.000 And then the guy goes out there and he gets attacked by this werewolf. 0.90

00:16:44.000 And I'm like, wow, how crazy would that be if a werewolf was out there sneaking into people's pens and killing all their animals?

00:16:50.000 Then I thought about it.

00:16:50.000 I'm like, there's cheetahs.

00:16:53.000 Cheetahs do do that. 1.00

00:16:54.000 Mountain lions do do that all the time.

00:16:57.000 If you live anywhere near a mountain lion and you have animals in your yard, that's game.

00:17:02.000 They're going to just hop over that fence and kill them and drag them in the woods. 0.98

00:17:05.000 Why is a wolf man any scarier than that? 0.88

00:17:08.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:17:09.000 Maybe because it can have sex with you. 1.00

00:17:11.000 A wolfman? 0.99

00:17:12.000 It does in all the Twilight movies, that's for sure.

00:17:15.000 Is that what they do?

00:17:16.000 Are those guys technically werewolves though?

00:17:18.000 I don't know.

00:17:19.000 Because they just become wolves.

00:17:20.000 Metro wolves?

00:17:21.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:17:22.000 Then they don't become a werewolf.

00:17:23.000 They become a wolf. 0.99

00:17:24.000 That's kind of gay. 0.99

00:17:25.000 That is. 0.98

00:17:25.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.98

00:17:26.000 If you're going to take the time to morph, be something cool and new. 1.00

00:17:30.000 Be some American werewolf in London type hybrid shit. 1.00

00:17:33.000 Don't just be a dog. 1.00

00:17:34.000 Team Wolf killed that whole thing now.

00:17:36.000 I After Teen Wolf, to me, like, oh, it's a werewolf guy.

00:17:39.000 Teen Wolf killed him for you? 0.99

00:17:41.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:17:42.000 It's like, fucking Michael J. Fox is not scary. 0.99

00:17:44.000 Did Twilight kill it for you for vampires?

00:17:47.000 No, vampires are already killed for me a long time ago.

00:17:49.000 Dude, if you think vampires are killed, go watch Gary Oldman do Dracula.

00:17:53.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying though. 0.99

00:17:54.000 But then also watch the million other TV shows and fucking knockoffs. 0.99

00:17:58.000 Totally. 1.00

00:17:59.000 But if Gary Oldman came out today with a new Dracula, he could rock that shit and you'd be believing in vampires again. 0.99

00:18:05.000 But not Wolfman, not too much. 0.99

00:18:06.000 Wolfman's done.

00:18:07.000 I think he's done.

00:18:07.000 I think that last one with Benicio Del Toro, that killed it for me.

00:18:10.000 I'm a Wolfman fan, bro, and I couldn't do it.

00:18:14.000 We've talked about this too many times on the podcast.

00:18:16.000 I have Wolfman fetishes. 1.00

00:18:17.000 I have some crazy fucking werewolf thing, man. 1.00

00:18:20.000 I don't know what it is. 0.99

00:18:21.000 Ever since I was a little kid, I loved werewolf movies.

00:18:23.000 Just like the idea.

00:18:24.000 You showed some sketches.

00:18:25.000 You were drawing werewolves.

00:18:26.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:18:28.000 In high school.

00:18:28.000 Yeah.

00:18:29.000 When I was a little kid, even before high school, a lot of them were from when I was like 12 and 13. I'm fucked up. 0.99

00:18:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:36.000 They tap into something primal in Joe Rogan. 0.99

00:18:39.000 There's some fucking part of me. 0.99

00:18:40.000 That's why I moved to the woods, man. 0.99

00:18:41.000 There's some part of me that wants to be out with animals.

00:18:43.000 Has anybody seen Joe Rogan on a full moon?

00:18:46.000 Right.

00:18:46.000 It ain't that, man.

00:18:48.000 Why is he tweeting at 6 a.m.?

00:18:49.000 It's because I can't live in the jungle.

00:18:52.000 If I could live in the jungle, I'd live in the jungle.

00:18:54.000 But there's no jungle in America, so I choose the woods.

00:18:57.000 It's like... 0.99

00:18:58.000 I really would like to be just living around animals and shit. 0.99

00:19:01.000 Well, it's got to represent some primal part of all of us. 0.99

00:19:03.000 Yeah, there's some energy, I think. 1.00

00:19:07.000 This sounds so hippie, faggy bullshit. 1.00

00:19:09.000 Yeah, bro. 1.00

00:19:10.000 It's so true, man.

00:19:11.000 There's like certain energy you get when you're around these animals.

00:19:16.000 It's so right.

00:19:17.000 One of the people that I lived near up there was this crazy yoga lady. 1.00

00:19:22.000 Very nice lady, but crazy yoga lady. 1.00

00:19:24.000 And I was talking to her about mountain lions.

00:19:26.000 I'm like, listen, how do you guys deal with the fact there's mountain lions? 0.99

00:19:29.000 Because there's a fucking corner store up there that had a sign that if you get attacked by a bear, you should play dead. 0.99

00:19:34.000 And if you're attacked by a mountain lion, you should fight back. 1.00

00:19:37.000 I'm like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:19:38.000 You have strategies to deal with different monsters jacking you. 1.00

00:19:42.000 You're going to play dead while a bear is biting the fuck out of you. 1.00

00:19:45.000 Really? 1.00

00:19:45.000 That's tough. 1.00

00:19:46.000 You're really going to do that?

00:19:47.000 Are you going to be able to do that? 1.00

00:19:49.000 Holy shit. 0.99

00:19:49.000 So I said, how do you deal with this? 0.99

00:19:51.000 How do you deal with the fact that you're around these beasts?

00:19:53.000 She goes, I just let them all in.

00:19:56.000 When I walk through the woods, I let them know that I'm here among you.

00:20:02.000 I'm no threat.

00:20:04.000 I love you.

00:20:05.000 I love you, and I love them, and I just walk through, and I've never had a problem. 0.99

00:20:09.000 Like, bitch, you've been so lucky. 1.00

00:20:11.000 You zigged when you could have zagged, and you could have walked right on to a mother cougar, protected her young. 1.00

00:20:17.000 You could have fucked up and walked into a fucking grizzly bear, and it could have been with its cobs and freaked out and decided to eat your face. 1.00

00:20:25.000 You got lucky. 1.00

00:20:26.000 You see all those documentaries, the people who hang out with these predators long enough.

00:20:30.000 Why do people think that they are better than deer?

00:20:34.000 Why do you think that if there's love in nature, why does, is it really all love? 0.99

00:20:39.000 Why does nature let this murderous cougar snap this deer's fucking neck and suck the blood out and then eat its guts first? 1.00

00:20:48.000 Because that's what they do. 1.00

00:20:49.000 They go guts first because they don't eat grass.

00:20:51.000 They get their vegetation by eating the guts of the things they kill.

00:20:56.000 But it wouldn't happen to you.

00:20:58.000 Why would it happen to the deer and not to you?

00:21:00.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

00:21:01.000 Do you really think the universe gives a fuck? 0.99

00:21:03.000 If you're around a predator and it wants to eat and it looks at you and says, I think I ate one of these back in the 90s, I'll try it again. 0.99

00:21:10.000 It was good.

00:21:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:21:11.000 I only get a hiker once every 10 years, but fuck it. 1.00

00:21:15.000 They got that muesli in their system. 1.00

00:21:17.000 Yeah, dude.

00:21:18.000 They'll jack you. 0.98

00:21:19.000 Especially when they get used to it.

00:21:21.000 There's an area, I talked about it in my act, an area in India called the Sundarbans.

00:21:26.000 And they have a real problem with tigers there because the tigers have gotten used to eating people.

00:21:31.000 The tsunamis, or the typhoons rather, they wash a lot of bodies into the river.

00:21:35.000 A lot of people drown. 1.00

00:21:36.000 These are fucking villagers, man. 1.00

00:21:38.000 These people are really poor. 1.00

00:21:39.000 They're living in like shacks on the river in India. 0.97

00:21:42.000 And the tigers eat the bodies that drown.

00:21:45.000 And so they get a taste of human flesh and they just start jacking people. 0.94

00:21:49.000 Just jacking people. 0.96

00:21:50.000 Ghost in the darkness.

00:21:51.000 You can't go anywhere.

00:21:52.000 Bro, there's videos on YouTube.

00:21:54.000 And look this up, folks.

00:21:55.000 If you're at home or when you get home, you've got to check out Sundarban's Tigers.

00:22:01.000 Because there's a bunch of cool documentaries online. 0.96

00:22:03.000 And one of them, these poor fucks, these guys are census takers. 0.99

00:22:06.000 So they have to find out how many of these murderous monsters are out there in the tall grass. 1.00

00:22:11.000 In the fucking tall grass. 1.00

00:22:12.000 Out on a boat. 1.00

00:22:13.000 So this guy has a rifle and he's got a helmet on.

00:22:17.000 And the helmet has a mask on the back of the head.

00:22:21.000 Because tigers like to sneak up behind you and jack you.

00:22:24.000 They don't want you to see them coming. 0.96

00:22:26.000 They just want to jack you. 0.99

00:22:27.000 So these guys are wearing helmets to protect themselves from getting jacked by monsters. 1.00

00:22:31.000 And they have a mask with a fucking face on the back of the head. 0.99

00:22:35.000 Well, the tigers figured it out after a while that it was just a face. 0.99

00:22:37.000 So they started jacking guys from the back anyway, even though they have these face on. 1.00

00:22:41.000 A bunch of dudes in the census takers get killed by tigers with fucking masks on. 1.00

00:22:45.000 So now they're fucked. 1.00

00:22:46.000 These things can swim, so they have to make sure that their boat has an engine so they can swim faster than the tiger can. 1.00

00:22:52.000 They can run 50 miles an hour, and they've killed 300,000 people in the last 200 years.

00:22:58.000 That's insane.

00:22:59.000 You'd think that someone would take up the challenge and be like, all right, tigers, we're smarter. 0.99

00:23:04.000 Let's fucking do this. 0.97

00:23:05.000 Dude, people are like, hey, they're a part of nature. 1.00

00:23:07.000 They're a part of nature.

00:23:09.000 In some regards, they're right.

00:23:10.000 I mean, what makes us that much better?

00:23:12.000 Because we have the guns. 0.98

00:23:13.000 This is ridiculous. 0.90

00:23:14.000 We don't need them around. 1.00

00:23:16.000 It's so stupid. 1.00

00:23:17.000 Kill them all. 1.00

00:23:18.000 What are you, crazy? 1.00

00:23:19.000 People in India should be like, we are worried about the extinction of the tigers. 0.99

00:23:23.000 You should be worried.

00:23:24.000 You should be worried about your murderous master that lives in the jungle.

00:23:28.000 Yeah, you've got to keep it alive.

00:23:29.000 It's your god. 0.99

00:23:30.000 Are you crazy? 1.00

00:23:32.000 Are you fucking that attached to these animals that want to kill people? 1.00

00:23:35.000 Just gun them down, man. 1.00

00:23:38.000 Gun them down. 1.00

00:23:38.000 Or put human masks on the back of the tigers and really confuse everything. 1.00

00:23:43.000 Yeah, that's what you're going to do, Brian.

00:23:44.000 You're going to find the tiger and put a mask on it. 1.00

00:23:46.000 You fuck. 1.00

00:23:49.000 How dare you? 1.00

00:23:52.000 Did you try to trick the tigers?

00:23:54.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:23:55.000 It would confuse everything, you know?

00:23:56.000 There'd be people with tiger masks on the back of their heads and tigers with human masks.

00:24:00.000 If you could transfer human consciousness into anything, if you could transfer human consciousness into...

00:24:07.000 Like an animal.

00:24:09.000 Just to see what it'd be like. 1.00

00:24:10.000 How dope would it be to be able to download your fucking brain into a tiger's body? 1.00

00:24:14.000 And just be moving that shit around. 1.00

00:24:17.000 And running up a tree and shit. 1.00

00:24:19.000 For sure. 1.00

00:24:21.000 How fucking insane would that be, man? 0.99

00:24:24.000 If you could just control the body of a tiger with your human mind. 1.00

00:24:27.000 And fuck other tigers. 1.00

00:24:29.000 Oh! 1.00

00:24:29.000 Shit! 1.00

00:24:30.000 Tiger sex! 1.00

00:24:32.000 God damn! 1.00

00:24:33.000 How crazy would that be? 1.00

00:24:35.000 It would totally feel right.

00:24:36.000 Oh my god, it would feel perfect. 1.00

00:24:38.000 And even when she freaks out at you, you're like, bitch, I got this! 1.00

00:24:44.000 It'll allow her to intimidate you. 1.00

00:24:45.000 Even though it's a tiger and you've got your dick inside of her, you have no fear. 1.00

00:24:49.000 You have full control of this thing. 1.00

00:24:51.000 Just blast for 20 seconds.

00:24:52.000 Just shoot loads into her. 1.00

00:24:58.000 Just shoot tiger loads into her. 1.00

00:25:01.000 That would be insane, man. 0.95

00:25:03.000 I would think, though, if I had to choose, I would take eagle.

00:25:05.000 I would like to be an eagle.

00:25:07.000 That would be the dopest thing ever.

00:25:09.000 Yeah, because eagles get to jackfish from the air.

00:25:12.000 Yeah, bro. 0.99

00:25:14.000 It's our fucking national animal for a reason, bro. 1.00

00:25:17.000 Have some respect. 1.00

00:25:20.000 The turkey was supposed to be our national animal.

00:25:23.000 Really?

00:25:23.000 Yeah, Benjamin Franklin was putting forward the turkey.

00:25:26.000 Turkey's the smartest bird.

00:25:27.000 That would have made us less douchey.

00:25:29.000 See, in Canada they have a maple leaf.

00:25:31.000 They're all like, chill up there. 1.00

00:25:33.000 We're going to fucking kill a bird. 1.00

00:25:36.000 That we eat once a year. 1.00

00:25:38.000 An eagle?

00:25:39.000 No, no, a turkey.

00:25:40.000 We eat our national bird, man.

00:25:42.000 If we didn't have the eagle, maybe we wouldn't be so douchey.

00:25:47.000 Because the eagle is such a douchey animal. 1.00

00:25:49.000 What, bitch? 1.00

00:25:51.000 Why would we want an eagle, first of all? 1.00

00:25:52.000 Because eagles don't give a fuck about anybody. 0.96

00:25:55.000 You ever look into an eagle's eyes? 0.99

00:25:56.000 That's like the pits of hell. 0.99

00:25:58.000 They don't give a fuck about you. 0.99

00:26:00.000 If you're holding them and feeding them every day, and they're a little thing on your arm, and you get shot in the head with a howitzer, they'll go, well, I guess I'm not hanging out here anymore. 0.99

00:26:08.000 Just fly away.

00:26:09.000 They don't get sad.

00:26:10.000 They don't feel bad that you're dead.

00:26:11.000 There was a hawk that landed on our ranch, and we knew something was off with it because it was just hanging around the house.

00:26:17.000 So my parents were like, all right, we got to try and bring it in.

00:26:21.000 We got to try to get it to the vet or something like that.

00:26:23.000 So they sent me with a kitchen glove.

00:26:25.000 Were they short of bullets?

00:26:27.000 Yeah.

00:26:27.000 They sent me with a kitchen glove and a little piece of steak.

00:26:30.000 Get the fuck out of here! 0.99

00:26:32.000 So I'm going very slowly, looking at this hawk in the eye, thinking of the options. 1.00

00:26:37.000 Do I fight?

00:26:38.000 Do I run?

00:26:38.000 What happened?

00:26:39.000 But it turned out that it was a domesticated hawk, so I was able to give it the meat, and then it dug it, and then it hopped on the kitchen glove.

00:26:47.000 That's crazy!

00:26:49.000 Brought it into the house, and then I rescued it.

00:26:50.000 Does it have to be domesticated for that to have happened?

00:26:53.000 I don't know.

00:26:55.000 I'm glad I found out.

00:26:56.000 Because did you ask him, like, have you done this before?

00:26:59.000 Yeah.

00:27:00.000 Yeah, bro.

00:27:00.000 That's what we do.

00:27:01.000 That's what we do.

00:27:02.000 No problem.

00:27:02.000 Climb on your glove, bro.

00:27:03.000 Yeah.

00:27:04.000 What animal would you be? 1.00

00:27:06.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:27:07.000 Brian's on a date. 1.00

00:27:09.000 Chris is a very handsome man.

00:27:10.000 I almost answered that.

00:27:12.000 That's the sad part.

00:27:13.000 I was right there with you.

00:27:15.000 I was like, oh, actually, Brian.

00:27:16.000 Well, we have to know the answer now.

00:27:17.000 Well, it's like one of those things if someone asks you, what's your favorite color? 1.00

00:27:19.000 Shut up, dick. 1.00

00:27:21.000 But meanwhile, it is a valid question. 1.00

00:27:23.000 Maybe you have a reason why you're into violet.

00:27:25.000 I'm into purple.

00:27:26.000 I'm into fuchsia.

00:27:27.000 I want to shock you.

00:27:29.000 I'm in the fuchsia.

00:27:31.000 Look, I'm fuchsia.

00:27:32.000 I got a hot fuchsia car.

00:27:34.000 I'm radical.

00:27:36.000 Didn't Cameron trademark some kind of pink is his color?

00:27:38.000 Did he really?

00:27:39.000 Yeah.

00:27:39.000 Good fan.

00:27:40.000 Trademarked it.

00:27:41.000 My boy Javi Vasquez, he fights in pink shorts. 0.99

00:27:43.000 He wears pink little fucking tighties when he fights. 0.98

00:27:49.000 He fights for Strikeforce. 1.00

00:27:50.000 He's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:27:51.000 He fights for WEC, excuse me. 1.00

00:27:53.000 He was fighting for, he won the King of the Cage title.

00:27:55.000 He won, he fought in Japan and won over there.

00:27:58.000 He always wears pink shorts. 0.99

00:27:59.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:28:00.000 No one wants to get beat by the big shorts. 1.00

00:28:02.000 Beat your ass. 1.00

00:28:03.000 Beat your ass with sissy clothes on. 1.00

00:28:05.000 All you see is the stars are clearing out. 1.00

00:28:07.000 It's just pink shorts in a package staring you at the face. 0.99

00:28:10.000 There's another dude, that dude, what the fuck is his name? 0.99

00:28:12.000 Tim Kennedy. 0.99

00:28:13.000 Tim Kennedy always trains with pink gloves. 0.99

00:28:15.000 He wears these big fucking girly looking pink gloves. 1.00

00:28:19.000 But he's like, when you're a fierce motherfucker, you can wear pink. 1.00

00:28:22.000 It totally makes sense. 0.99

00:28:24.000 How did a color get to be so disparaged?

00:28:27.000 Why?

00:28:28.000 It was the traditional girl color. 0.90

00:28:30.000 But why?

00:28:30.000 What is it?

00:28:31.000 Because people gave it to girls on the baby shower day.

00:28:34.000 So it was just ingrained.

00:28:35.000 But why?

00:28:36.000 Why are they into pink all over the world? 0.91

00:28:39.000 In Transylvania, are little girls into black? 0.99

00:28:42.000 They're all little goth girls? 0.66

00:28:43.000 I don't know.

00:28:44.000 Is that the big color for little girls? 1.00

00:28:45.000 I think pink's the prettiest color, you know?

00:28:47.000 I think if you don't want red, because that's like an evil hot color. 0.99

00:28:50.000 Thank you, you just passed my faggot test. 1.00

00:28:52.000 I think pink's the prettiest color. 0.99

00:28:54.000 Because it's sparkly.

00:28:56.000 How did pink get to keep the name pink? 1.00

00:28:58.000 The singer Pink. 0.98

00:28:59.000 How the fuck has nobody else been Pink? 1.00

00:29:02.000 That bitch got the best name a chick could have ever. 1.00

00:29:06.000 What's the girliest shit ever? 1.00

00:29:07.000 Pink. 1.00

00:29:08.000 All girls love Pink.

00:29:09.000 She does deserve it.

00:29:11.000 She's a badass. 1.00

00:29:13.000 I wrote a whole blog about watching her perform at the Emmys. 1.00

00:29:16.000 I watched her perform and I was like, you gotta be fucking shitting me. 0.99

00:29:20.000 That was just sheer brilliance in coordination with perfect singing and Just so in tune with the crowd and had everyone mesmerized. 1.00

00:29:30.000 It was fucking beyond. 0.88

00:29:31.000 But I'm just shocked that nobody got pink before. 0.98

00:29:33.000 I mean, she's not old.

00:29:35.000 It's not like she got there first.

00:29:36.000 Nobody thought to call themselves pink?

00:29:38.000 It seems like there probably was, I bet. 1.00

00:29:40.000 Some fucking dummy that just didn't trademark it? 1.00

00:29:43.000 Right. 1.00

00:29:44.000 I think there's probably some bitches out there. 1.00

00:29:46.000 I was a real pink. 0.99

00:29:47.000 I was pink way before that hoe. 1.00

00:29:49.000 Charlie Chaplin was pink once.

00:29:50.000 I was pink in the 80s.

00:29:53.000 They didn't have no internet.

00:29:58.000 She heard about me. 1.00

00:30:00.000 She heard about me and created her own shit. 1.00

00:30:02.000 Jacked my name. 1.00

00:30:03.000 That bitch jacked my name. 1.00

00:30:06.000 Whenever someone famous gets famous, there's always someone that thinks that... 1.00

00:30:10.000 That happens all the time.

00:30:12.000 Like, oh, he's got my whole act.

00:30:13.000 That's my whole routine.

00:30:15.000 I was doing that in the Catskills.

00:30:17.000 I taught him everything he knows.

00:30:19.000 I've heard that story so many times that a guy makes it and then you go, oh, you know, that guy made it.

00:30:23.000 But there was a guy back in, like, Michigan who was scared to leave town, but he was the guy.

00:30:30.000 He learned from that guy.

00:30:31.000 Like, there's, like, Kramer.

00:30:33.000 There's a real Kramer.

00:30:34.000 You know, Kramer from Seinfeld?

00:30:36.000 But this is a real dude.

00:30:37.000 He calls himself the real Kramer.

00:30:39.000 And he gives tours of New York.

00:30:41.000 He just bursts through doors?

00:30:44.000 Well, I guess he's universally acknowledged as the guy who inspired that character.

00:30:49.000 So somehow or another, they let him capitalize on it. 0.99

00:30:52.000 He gives tours and shit. 0.99

00:30:53.000 Which has got to be so twisted. 1.00

00:30:55.000 And boring.

00:30:57.000 Maybe not, man. 1.00

00:30:58.000 Maybe for him, it's like the shit, you know? 1.00

00:31:01.000 Maybe if he was a dentist, he'd be bored. 1.00

00:31:03.000 And maybe if my dentist had his job, he'd be terrified.

00:31:08.000 Maybe.

00:31:08.000 Maybe the dentist would put it off himself.

00:31:11.000 I don't mean, who knows?

00:31:12.000 If he really was supposed to be Kramer, the guy's got to be very eccentric, right?

00:31:16.000 I mean, if that's really the guy who they, you know, model it after. 1.00

00:31:21.000 What the fuck? 0.98

00:31:22.000 What does that guy do now? 0.99

00:31:25.000 I've seen him randomly in placements and appearances.

00:31:29.000 Really?

00:31:30.000 Recently?

00:31:30.000 You're talking about...

00:31:31.000 Kramer.

00:31:31.000 Yeah.

00:31:32.000 The real one. 0.99

00:31:32.000 Yeah, what the fuck's his name? 0.99

00:31:33.000 He's about to go in some house. 0.99

00:31:34.000 Why did I forget?

00:31:35.000 How come I'm forgetting his name?

00:31:35.000 Michael Richards.

00:31:36.000 Michael Richards.

00:31:36.000 Thank you.

00:31:36.000 He just attacked a photographer the other day.

00:31:39.000 Did he?

00:31:40.000 I don't know.

00:31:40.000 I thought he had it together.

00:31:42.000 Who would have thought?

00:31:44.000 I guess he punched him and stuff.

00:31:45.000 That's one of the worst predicaments in the history of the media for an actor.

00:31:51.000 For an actor to have done, that was one of the worst predicaments.

00:31:55.000 You know, that's like, you know, like people have caught people with hookers, like Hugh Grant got busted with hookers, and you know, and Alec Baldwin yelled at his kid.

00:32:05.000 That's all good, but...

00:32:08.000 You know, it's not that bad. 0.99

00:32:10.000 He yelled out, here is a nigger. 1.00

00:32:13.000 Look, we have a nigger. 1.00

00:32:15.000 I know what he was trying to do. 0.99

00:32:18.000 Spoiler alert.

00:32:21.000 What he was trying to do is say something completely shocking about And somehow or another rescue himself from a bad situation where he was bombing. 0.99

00:32:30.000 And he wanted to figure out how to get them, how to hurt them, how to let them know that he didn't give a fuck. 1.00

00:32:37.000 Like, oh, you're going to fuck with my show? 1.00

00:32:38.000 You think it's okay? 1.00

00:32:39.000 Oh, you think because I'm on Seinfeld I won't get crazy at you? 0.99

00:32:42.000 Oh, look, here's a nigger. 1.00

00:32:44.000 Look, we have some niggers. 1.00

00:32:46.000 And everybody was like, whoa, what the fuck? 1.00

00:32:50.000 It's shocking. 0.99

00:32:51.000 But what's most shocking to me is that that word still works.

00:32:55.000 It's one of the few words that still has magic left in it.

00:32:59.000 It still has that ability to affect people.

00:33:02.000 It's nuts.

00:33:03.000 It's interesting.

00:33:04.000 It's amazing. 1.00

00:33:05.000 The only one left, the other one, I think cunt. 1.00

00:33:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:08.000 Dude, I have a whole bit on it. 1.00

00:33:09.000 I have a whole bit about the three magic words. 1.00

00:33:11.000 Love, nigger, and cunt. 1.00

00:33:12.000 Those are the three words, the three magic words. 1.00

00:33:16.000 The word love always has way more power than any other words you can string together.

00:33:22.000 Like, I care about you so much.

00:33:23.000 I think about you all day.

00:33:24.000 I don't know what it is.

00:33:26.000 When I'm around you, I want to be affectionate.

00:33:28.000 Do you love me?

00:33:29.000 You have to say it.

00:33:30.000 You have to say, I love you.

00:33:31.000 Like, I love... 1.00

00:33:32.000 Oh, it's the fucking... 0.99

00:33:33.000 We're in. 0.99

00:33:33.000 We're in the house. 0.99

00:33:34.000 We're in the love house.

00:33:35.000 We all go in.

00:33:36.000 That's magic word number one. 0.97

00:33:37.000 Cunt, sort of. 0.96

00:33:38.000 But that's getting abused a lot. 0.99

00:33:41.000 Yeah.

00:33:41.000 Especially in England.

00:33:43.000 Hallmark's using cunt in cards now, so I don't think it's... 1.00

00:33:45.000 Is Hallmark using cunt in cards? 1.00

00:33:47.000 In England, they cunt all the time. 1.00

00:33:49.000 Everything's cunt. 1.00

00:33:50.000 This fucking cunt. 1.00

00:33:50.000 Cunt, fucking cunt. 1.00

00:33:52.000 Talking about dudes. 1.00

00:33:52.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:33:53.000 This fucking cunt over here. 1.00

00:33:54.000 Yeah, they start, they cunt it up so much that it's like, this fucking dude. 1.00

00:33:58.000 It's like, they're saying dude. 0.99

00:33:59.000 We're gonna be left with two words. 0.92

00:34:01.000 Yeah, but nigger's still very, very controversial. 0.96

00:34:05.000 You know, and just even the joke in my act, I would say that even saying it's a word.

00:34:09.000 Like, I'm not even calling anybody yet.

00:34:10.000 We're just saying the word.

00:34:11.000 And you're like, can't.

00:34:12.000 Candyman, Candyman, Candyman.

00:34:14.000 It is like that.

00:34:17.000 You're saying an incantation that's going to bring violence your way.

00:34:20.000 You're using a bad word.

00:34:22.000 You're not even calling anybody anything.

00:34:24.000 You're just saying that this word exists and incanting it and saying it out loud.

00:34:29.000 You run the risk of violence.

00:34:31.000 It's amazing.

00:34:33.000 That's amazing that it's 2010 and we think that's okay.

00:34:36.000 I think it's one of the few words where I can't even hear my own voice saying it because I don't think I've had the courage to voice it.

00:34:42.000 Oh, it's just a word, man.

00:34:43.000 I say it to girls all the time. 1.00

00:34:45.000 When you're fucking them? 1.00

00:34:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:46.000 Tell me how you do it. 1.00

00:34:47.000 Tell me what you say. 1.00

00:34:47.000 Hey, you fucking nigger. 1.00

00:34:48.000 Whoa! 1.00

00:34:49.000 That was offensive, Brian.

00:34:51.000 I thought you were going to say N-word. 1.00

00:34:53.000 Fucking N-word. 1.00

00:34:54.000 That's even more offensive. 1.00

00:34:56.000 Dirty bitch. 1.00

00:34:57.000 Feel free to swear in front of you. 1.00

00:34:59.000 You might be wearing a Y, you dirty N-word. 1.00

00:35:01.000 But she's not really one, so it's not bad. 0.99

00:35:04.000 If she was really black, then it would feel bad. 1.00

00:35:07.000 But if she's white... 1.00

00:35:07.000 Well, you could be a white nigger. 1.00

00:35:10.000 I think that's in a song somewhere. 1.00

00:35:14.000 I'm sure it is. 0.68

00:35:15.000 What's a wigger? 1.00

00:35:16.000 No, nigger. 1.00

00:35:17.000 Brian, stop saying that. 0.99

00:35:19.000 It's uncomfortable for everyone.

00:35:23.000 We just weirded out half of America.

00:35:25.000 I know. 0.98

00:35:25.000 Half of America, ridiculous. 0.98

00:35:27.000 There's 100,000 people listening to this thing. 0.97

00:35:30.000 Listen, folks, they're just words.

00:35:31.000 That's the point. 0.88

00:35:32.000 It's a ridiculous point that's been argued throughout time. 0.75

00:35:34.000 It shouldn't be still going on.

00:35:36.000 It should always be your intent. 0.96

00:35:39.000 It should always be like whenever you're in any environment where you're not allowed to say certain words, you make that environment at least 20% bullshit at all times.

00:35:48.000 Any work environment that you're at, nobody's really totally being themselves. 1.00

00:35:51.000 Everybody has to have this stupid guard up. 1.00

00:35:54.000 Because you can't say cunt and you can't say fuck and you can't say shit and you can't talk honestly about how you feel about things. 1.00

00:36:00.000 No, you're in a professional working environment. 1.00

00:36:03.000 Except at Fleshlight, I'll have to say.

00:36:04.000 Except at Fleshlight.

00:36:05.000 Chris, by the way, works at Fleshlight.

00:36:07.000 Chris, what is your exact job over there?

00:36:10.000 Executive VP. He's the reason why we made the connection and he's also the reason why they have an avatar flashlight.

00:36:18.000 Just as a correction, this is not an avatar flashlight.

00:36:21.000 Did I say avatar? 1.00

00:36:23.000 This is the alien pussy. 1.00

00:36:26.000 We actually launched this two years ago. 1.00

00:36:29.000 Yeah, totally.

00:36:30.000 Which is how we're getting around things. 0.99

00:36:32.000 Space pussy. 1.00

00:36:32.000 So we pushed this out two years ago. 1.00

00:36:33.000 It was just a space vagina. 1.00

00:36:34.000 We put some girls in some blue lipstick. 1.00

00:36:36.000 Oh, so this was before Avatar.

00:36:38.000 But it just happens that there's a super hot alien that's blue. 0.98

00:36:42.000 You didn't even make it look like a vagina at all. 1.00

00:36:44.000 Double clits, Joe. 1.00

00:36:45.000 I like how you did that.

00:36:46.000 I like it.

00:36:46.000 Double clits.

00:36:47.000 And inside, the mold is a whole bunch of different stuff.

00:36:50.000 So you've thought of this.

00:36:51.000 The mold inside is like a bunch of space. 1.00

00:36:53.000 Eggshells and shit. 1.00

00:36:54.000 Dinosaur eggs. 1.00

00:36:57.000 Every thousand flat side has a razor blade.

00:37:00.000 It has like different ribs inside.

00:37:01.000 Okay, urban myth?

00:37:03.000 Is that an urban myth? 1.00

00:37:04.000 The razor blade in the vagina from Vietnam? 1.00

00:37:06.000 Is that an urban myth? 0.99

00:37:08.000 I've never heard of it. 0.87

00:37:08.000 That hookers would do that? 0.87

00:37:09.000 You never heard that? 0.99

00:37:11.000 No. 0.99

00:37:11.000 Yeah man, hookers would take these back in Vietnam. 0.99

00:37:14.000 It was like when I was a kid in high school and growing up in Boston. 0.94

00:37:17.000 Back in Vietnam, I heard what they did. 1.00

00:37:19.000 They took razor blades and they put them up the girl's vagina and they'd fuck them and cut your dick in half. 1.00

00:37:24.000 You never heard that before? 1.00

00:37:25.000 No, never.

00:37:26.000 Wow, I hung out with a bad crowd.

00:37:28.000 Have you heard of the rape condoms?

00:37:30.000 I've heard of those.

00:37:31.000 Yeah, they have little spikes on them and they stick.

00:37:33.000 What?

00:37:34.000 They shove it in the girl. 1.00

00:37:36.000 The girl shoves it inside of her like a tampon. 1.00

00:37:38.000 And it's basically like an interior lining for her vagina that's filled with barbs. 1.00

00:37:44.000 Like fishhook type deals. 1.00

00:37:48.000 So these guys, they rape a lot apparently in Africa. 0.99

00:37:51.000 It's like a Serious, serious problem. 0.99

00:37:54.000 It's super in right now.

00:37:54.000 It's like one out of three women in Africa has been raped in certain areas of Africa.

00:37:59.000 And this is one of the areas where they're pushing these rape condoms. 1.00

00:38:02.000 Like, those guys are going to kill now. 0.99

00:38:04.000 Now it's not just going to be rape. 1.00

00:38:05.000 It's going to be rape and murder. 1.00

00:38:06.000 You know, if a guy sticks his dick inside you and comes out bloody and covered with fishhooks, chances are he might hit you, right? 1.00

00:38:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:13.000 Even if he's raping you. 1.00

00:38:15.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:38:16.000 It's gonna give you a moment. 1.00

00:38:17.000 He's such an asshole that he would rape you. 1.00

00:38:19.000 Yeah, so give you a moment. 1.00

00:38:21.000 But a guy who's such an asshole that he would rape you, you don't think he'll kill you if you cut his dick up? 1.00

00:38:25.000 That guy's a piece of shit, you know? 1.00

00:38:27.000 He's not gonna go, you were right! 1.00

00:38:28.000 You were right! 0.99

00:38:29.000 I shouldn't have raped you. 1.00

00:38:30.000 I got fish hooks on my dick. 1.00

00:38:31.000 I deserve it. 1.00

00:38:33.000 No, he's going to attack you, right?

00:38:35.000 I would assume.

00:38:37.000 I was actually out there in Africa, Kenya, Tanzania, Uganda, and out with some of the tribesmen.

00:38:42.000 We were working with some of the men out there to try and actually instill traditional martial arts into them.

00:38:48.000 So you're teaching martial arts to the tribesmen?

00:38:51.000 Yeah, and some of the inner city, the slum kids, because really they have a whole generation of fathers that are gone from AIDS. Just no father figures, so they have nothing else to really go to.

00:39:01.000 So they get picked up by gangs, they get picked up by these war parties, and then they get turned into little killers.

00:39:05.000 So what we're trying to do is show them some kind of paternal discipline and show them that they can be strong and powerful without having to be in a gang. 0.98

00:39:13.000 And it was a really cool program, and it worked, but it's fucking intense out there, man. 0.94

00:39:18.000 It's really intense. 0.71

00:39:19.000 We ended up having to stop the program because Civil War broke out in Kenya, and it was just too nutty to keep doing it. 0.99

00:39:24.000 God damn! 0.99

00:39:26.000 Yeah, it was pretty crazy. 0.99

00:39:27.000 So you're over there teaching them martial arts?

00:39:31.000 Yep.

00:39:32.000 Wow.

00:39:32.000 Very traditional, stylized.

00:39:35.000 We weren't going into MMA, ground and pound techniques. 0.99

00:39:38.000 Discipline, karate type shit. 0.95

00:39:40.000 Going through the kata and definitely speaking to them. 0.99

00:39:43.000 I mean, they dug it.

00:39:44.000 It's kind of interesting that Africa is not known for martial arts.

00:39:48.000 You know, it's like Africa is the cradle of civilization, right?

00:39:51.000 That's where humans emanated from.

00:39:53.000 But really, martial arts didn't really pick up until they got to like Asia.

00:39:56.000 I mean, there was other martial arts that were developed in other countries. 0.99

00:39:59.000 But for whatever reason, I think it's because Africa was so fucked up, they just went straight to weapons. 1.00

00:40:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:40:04.000 They're like, what are we doing? 0.99

00:40:04.000 We're fucking around here with karate chops. 0.99

00:40:07.000 Give me a gun. 1.00

00:40:08.000 You have a gun? 0.98

00:40:09.000 Give me a pointy stick, man. 1.00

00:40:10.000 Give me some shit. 1.00

00:40:11.000 I gotta stab some fucking animals with some hyenas trying to eat my kids, alright? 1.00

00:40:15.000 You can't just, you know, fucking box them like in Ireland. 1.00

00:40:18.000 Hey, how are you trying to eat my kids? 0.99

00:40:21.000 Yeah, man, in Ireland, what do they have to worry about?

00:40:23.000 A deer gets into your yard?

00:40:25.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.97

00:40:25.000 They had time to beat the fuck out of each other. 0.97

00:40:27.000 Or a whiskey bottle.

00:40:28.000 Yeah, they didn't even bother learning MMA. They didn't even bother with takedowns or leg kicks or anything like that.

00:40:32.000 They're like, ah, this is good enough.

00:40:33.000 Just use our hands.

00:40:34.000 We don't need to get crazy with the knees.

00:40:37.000 Come on, Flattery.

00:40:39.000 Elbows are against the rules, lad.

00:40:41.000 Why are you hitting me with that?

00:40:42.000 We're not trying to kill each other, okay? 1.00

00:40:45.000 But in Africa, they're like, fuck you. 1.00

00:40:46.000 They're going right for pointy sticks to your chest. 1.00

00:40:48.000 They're like poison darts and shit. 0.99

00:40:50.000 Yeah, blowguns. 1.00

00:40:51.000 Yeah, they're just trying to jack you.

00:40:54.000 The exception is the Greco-Roman style wrestling that some of the tribes have.

00:40:58.000 Really?

00:40:58.000 They got good Greco in Africa?

00:41:00.000 Some of the tribes.

00:41:01.000 That's what determines the alpha in the tribe.

00:41:04.000 Really?

00:41:04.000 They do all kinds of crazy rituals.

00:41:05.000 Do they have good technique?

00:41:06.000 Do you think you can take their back?

00:41:08.000 Yeah, dude.

00:41:09.000 They don't defend the double leg.

00:41:11.000 No way.

00:41:13.000 Let him get on top. 1.00

00:41:14.000 Sweep his ass. 1.00

00:41:15.000 You got no base sign. 1.00

00:41:18.000 You don't know about the rubber guard.

00:41:19.000 You don't know about my lockdown.

00:41:21.000 He's flopping up and down.

00:41:22.000 All of a sudden, he's choked out. 1.00

00:41:23.000 I get half guard on you, bitch. 1.00

00:41:24.000 You got a problem. 1.00

00:41:25.000 You got a deep problem. 1.00

00:41:26.000 Wake up with shit in his loinclos. 1.00

00:41:29.000 So what kind of wrestling do they do? 1.00

00:41:31.000 Well, it's just like real Greco-Roman.

00:41:34.000 But is it like technical?

00:41:35.000 Do they understand underhooks and overhooks and hip movement?

00:41:39.000 What kind of throws?

00:41:40.000 Do they have throws that are like judo throws?

00:41:41.000 A bit like judo, shoulder throws, like hip throws.

00:41:44.000 An all-American wrestler would go there and jack them. 1.00

00:41:47.000 I mean, they don't have the nutrition and the training. 1.00

00:41:50.000 Yeah, they're eating bugs and shit. 0.99

00:41:51.000 That ain't good for your Greco-Roman. 0.99

00:41:53.000 Bugs ain't good for your wrestling. 0.99

00:41:55.000 Drinking some stuff out of the fear factory. 1.00

00:41:56.000 Drinking goat blood and shit. 0.99

00:41:58.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99

00:41:59.000 We were talking about this on the show before, but in Africa, trepanning, where you cut a hole into the top of the head.

00:42:05.000 Have you ever seen that?

00:42:06.000 No. 0.99

00:42:07.000 Dude, some tribes in Africa do the gnarliest shit to their bodies, and I've always tried to figure out what that is. 1.00

00:42:14.000 Where is that coming from? 0.99

00:42:17.000 But one of them is trepanin, T-R-E-P-A-N, and it means cutting a hole through the skull and exposing the brain.

00:42:26.000 And this one guy had done it 20 times.

00:42:29.000 I'm sure that's very antiseptic condition. 0.99

00:42:30.000 No, yeah, they're doing it with coconut shells and shit. 1.00

00:42:32.000 They're fucking... 1.00

00:42:33.000 Cutting your head over with a sharp rock. 1.00

00:42:35.000 And I'm not joking. 1.00

00:42:36.000 They are using rocks and shit. 0.99

00:42:38.000 No anesthetic whatsoever. 0.99

00:42:40.000 Carving in a dude's skulls.

00:42:41.000 And then the women in Surrey who cut the hole in their lip and they put plates in. 1.00

00:42:46.000 And the bigger the plate, the more cows you're worth when you get married. 1.00

00:42:49.000 What is that about?

00:42:51.000 When is all that?

00:42:52.000 Those are tough to figure out.

00:42:54.000 Scarification, they do a lot of that. 1.00

00:42:55.000 The one that's easier to figure out, but I think maybe the worst, is the clitorectomies that are done by the Maasai tribe, traditional Maasai. 0.98

00:43:02.000 Not just them, right?

00:43:03.000 There's more of them.

00:43:05.000 There's more of them.

00:43:05.000 So bad.

00:43:07.000 And then once they do that, sex is just never pleasurable to these women. 1.00

00:43:14.000 They're trying to do it as a deterrent for adults.

00:43:16.000 They're haters.

00:43:17.000 Totally.

00:43:18.000 They have no game.

00:43:19.000 And they want to control these chicks for life. 1.00

00:43:21.000 And then the chick turns like 20 and she wises up. 1.00

00:43:23.000 Like, dude, you fucking smell. 1.00

00:43:25.000 I'm not into this relationship. 1.00

00:43:26.000 I'm going to get some good dick. 1.00

00:43:28.000 Right. 1.00

00:43:28.000 And she tries to leave. 1.00

00:43:29.000 You are my property!

00:43:31.000 And then they have problems.

00:43:32.000 It's a bunch of haters, man. 1.00

00:43:34.000 It's all those faggots that won't let chicks dance. 1.00

00:43:36.000 All those dudes who want to put chicks in burkas and shit. 1.00

00:43:39.000 Cover everything but your eyes. 1.00

00:43:41.000 They want them to walk around like they're inside of a trash can looking through a slot.

00:43:44.000 Right.

00:43:45.000 All totally insecure. 1.00

00:43:47.000 Haters, little faggots. 1.00

00:43:48.000 Yeah, for sure. 1.00

00:43:49.000 Little bitch-ass people living in the middle of nowhere. 1.00

00:43:51.000 For sure. 1.00

00:43:52.000 It's the dumbest place in the world because it's the first place. 1.00

00:43:55.000 I always say that the Middle East is basically, they're like the townies of the world. 1.00

00:43:59.000 Because that is where written language is created.

00:44:02.000 I mean...

00:44:03.000 The Middle East is responsible for so many firsts. 1.00

00:44:06.000 Mesopotamia, Babylonia, where Iraq is, is ancient Sumer.

00:44:10.000 They had the first written language, the first agriculture, the first government, the first astrology, the first astronomy.

00:44:18.000 They had a lot of firsts there.

00:44:21.000 It was a brilliant, brilliant place.

00:44:22.000 So much development, but Everybody, like in all good places, they got tired of the douchebags and they moved.

00:44:29.000 And everybody spread out.

00:44:30.000 Civilizations spread out across the country.

00:44:31.000 It's just like America. 0.60

00:44:32.000 If you go to the East Coast, you get a lot of holdouts.

00:44:36.000 That's what it is. 0.98

00:44:36.000 A lot of stubborn people that go, I fucking like it here. 0.98

00:44:39.000 Fuck everybody else. 1.00

00:44:40.000 And what they really are is the grandchildren and children of fucking savages. 1.00

00:44:46.000 People in Ireland and Poland and England... 1.00

00:44:50.000 That life over there sucked so much cock that they were willing to get on a boat for months and come to someplace they didn't even know what the fuck it was. 1.00

00:44:59.000 And so then they get there and then they huddle up and they try to figure out this new place and fight off the fucking Indians and do whatever they have to do to make a business. 1.00

00:45:06.000 Everybody smart goes, there's got to be someplace better than this. 1.00

00:45:09.000 Let's get the fuck out of here. 0.97

00:45:11.000 And they started traveling west.

00:45:12.000 Devote your vital energy to something besides bare survival.

00:45:15.000 Yeah, so that is the civilization beginning, is Sumer.

00:45:20.000 And that is Iraq, and that is the Middle East. 0.99

00:45:23.000 That's why the Middle East is so fucked up. 1.00

00:45:25.000 That's why there's such haters over there. 0.99

00:45:26.000 You know, I have a theory that I don't think has been explored very much, but it seems like in the desert areas of the world, they're very patriarchal-dominated.

00:45:34.000 And then you get to the coastlands, you get to the jungles.

00:45:36.000 They have a lot more matriarchal societies that have a lot more respect for women and the religions appear different.

00:45:42.000 Something about that dry, arid landscape.

00:45:45.000 And of course, the major desert religions, Judaism, Christianity, Islam, have kind of really taken hold there.

00:45:51.000 For whatever reason, that kind of patriarchal dominance that occurs out there in the desert areas is different.

00:45:58.000 It's a hard life, right?

00:45:58.000 It's a hard life.

00:45:59.000 It demands hard living.

00:46:02.000 And you also have to realize that they had this hard, radical ideology thousands and thousands of years ago.

00:46:11.000 And a hard, radical ideology is very difficult to break without a revolution.

00:46:15.000 It doesn't sort of evolve.

00:46:17.000 You know, if their ideology about like, and I don't know how recent it's been that they've been so strict with women with the clitorectomies and with the burkas. 0.91

00:46:25.000 I mean, how recent has that been?

00:46:26.000 I mean, it's still going on.

00:46:28.000 Right, but I mean, when did it start?

00:46:29.000 I mean, is it something that's been going on for hundreds of years?

00:46:33.000 It's been going on a while.

00:46:33.000 Thousands of years?

00:46:34.000 At least a hundred.

00:46:35.000 I don't know how much longer that is.

00:46:37.000 When you have a situation where there's a lot of fear and a lot of religious fanaticism, it's really hard to change because everybody's scared.

00:46:43.000 Well, even the females for the clitorectomies, some of them feel like they can't become a woman until they get it. 1.00

00:46:48.000 It's so ingrained.

00:46:49.000 So if they make it illegal, it's actually forcing some women underground to get them done in even worse conditions than the flint rock and the chisel or whatever they use to get it done. 1.00

00:46:59.000 So it's a nightmare.

00:47:01.000 I mean, you really got to attack it with education.

00:47:03.000 I mean, that's the only real option.

00:47:06.000 It's one of those things where I think about, there's certain levels of fear when fear gets ingrained into a culture and when it's control, and that's what a lot of that is. 0.98

00:47:17.000 The controlling of women with the clothing and the dancing to try to prevent other men from fucking them and all that craziness. 0.99

00:47:24.000 When that shit gets a hold of a culture, it's very hard to get it out. 1.00

00:47:29.000 You know what I'm saying? 1.00

00:47:29.000 It takes like a new restart. 1.00

00:47:31.000 Or a person.

00:47:31.000 Or a person, sure.

00:47:33.000 Absolutely.

00:47:34.000 But at least a culture, or a person rather, is responsible for themselves. 0.97

00:47:37.000 People can wake up and go, hey, I'm a douchebag. 0.88

00:47:39.000 I need to snap out of this. 1.00

00:47:40.000 It's very difficult for a culture to wake up and go, hey, we're fucked up. 0.99

00:47:44.000 Look what we're doing overseas. 1.00

00:47:46.000 Look what we're pretending that this is going on and we're making billions and we got all these fucking dummies that are listening to us. 0.99

00:47:51.000 We can do better. 0.98

00:47:52.000 It's very rare that a culture wakes up or a government wakes up or any large group that a person can wake up, right? 0.97

00:47:58.000 I think the best thing to do would be to put internet kiosks fucking everywhere. 0.96

00:48:03.000 Just put that in satellite internet, just get them out there and have them watch Spice Girls. 0.99

00:48:07.000 I mean, at that point, they're going to say, yeah, clitoris. 0.73

00:48:10.000 They kind of do that with those cheap laptops. 0.81

00:48:12.000 Have you seen those things?

00:48:14.000 Are they getting into them?

00:48:15.000 Yeah, they're like throwing them in different places like that.

00:48:18.000 That really is.

00:48:19.000 Yeah, they definitely need some big inoculation of the retardation that they've gone through for decades and hundreds and thousands of years. 1.00

00:48:28.000 They need something to get them to evolve.

00:48:31.000 If you get people that are just so wacky about a certain ideology to the point where they're so nutty that you're not even allowed to draw their main dude.

00:48:41.000 Think how crazy that is. 0.84

00:48:43.000 You can't draw their main guy or they'll kill you.

00:48:46.000 Why do we tolerate this?

00:48:48.000 Why does anyone tolerate that?

00:48:50.000 I mean, that is absolutely crazy.

00:48:53.000 Like, it's not saying, no one's saying that Muhammad doesn't exist or never did exist or he's not a prophet.

00:48:57.000 He might very well be.

00:48:58.000 I am completely uneducated to that matter.

00:49:01.000 But you're telling me that you can't draw him?

00:49:04.000 Come on. 0.97

00:49:04.000 That's silly. 0.97

00:49:05.000 One of the tenets, I had a great philosophy instructor when I was going to school, and one of the tenets that he taught, he was a philosophy of religion specialist, and he said, you know, any god that should be worshipped should be worthy of worship. 0.91

00:49:17.000 So if you're a god and someone's drawing you and you're going to smite them, I mean, that dude isn't worthy of worship.

00:49:23.000 Well, it's the followers that smite, right?

00:49:26.000 Right, but it's because they're smiting because they feel it's an offense to God.

00:49:30.000 You know, like if someone's drawing you, you're not going to get pissed.

00:49:33.000 So does that mean that you're better than God?

00:49:35.000 It can't be.

00:49:35.000 You can't have a system where, you know, the God isn't worthy of worship and being at least as good as another man.

00:49:41.000 And this was my thought, is that all of this seems so archaic and ridiculous. 0.81

00:49:46.000 It seems so several thousand years ago.

00:49:49.000 It's amazing that this kind of ideology is allowed to live through this age of information, like deep into the 2000s.

00:49:57.000 That's fascinating, man.

00:49:59.000 It's fascinating.

00:50:00.000 It is.

00:50:00.000 I think there's a real grain of truth at the bottom of all these religions, some beautiful things.

00:50:05.000 I mean, I'm sure in the Quran, you know, I'm not as familiar as I am with some of the other works, but I've seen a little bit.

00:50:10.000 There's beautiful passages, spiritual and really powerfully beautiful passages and all that.

00:50:16.000 But then, you know, men get in there and they're able to utilize that as a mechanism of power to wield more power over other people. 0.98

00:50:23.000 It just gets kind of twisted.

00:50:25.000 But what's the origin of it all?

00:50:27.000 I mean, if it isn't the Word of God, what is it?

00:50:29.000 Is it smart people who figure some things out and somehow or another figure out how to tell it to people?

00:50:34.000 And those people tell it to each other for thousands of years and then it eventually gets written down.

00:50:39.000 And by that point, it's become fables and the words have been twisted and things have gotten strange and the translations are off, the memory's off.

00:50:47.000 I mean, if you're dealing with something as big as the Bible, how many hundreds of pages is that?

00:50:51.000 It's a lot.

00:50:52.000 A lot.

00:50:52.000 It's a lot.

00:50:53.000 So you use how to say it.

00:50:56.000 It's a spoken word thing for like a thousand years, and then they wrote it down?

00:51:01.000 It was a while, and they had a council to decide.

00:51:03.000 It was like an editing council where they decided, which, nah, this goes in, nah, this goes out. 0.99

00:51:07.000 Well, how about the fucking New Testament? 0.98

00:51:08.000 The New Testament's even better than that. 0.99

00:51:10.000 There were canons for the New Testament.

00:51:11.000 They just threw out.

00:51:12.000 They're like, nah, I don't...

00:51:13.000 It's an editor.

00:51:14.000 They just recently redid it.

00:51:15.000 Oh, they redid it?

00:51:17.000 Yeah, they have like a newer, newer test. 0.96

00:51:18.000 Yeah, I was just talking to Jesus and shit, and he got some old notes. 0.89

00:51:22.000 We got some old Tupac tapes we're gonna pull out. 0.99

00:51:25.000 Jesus is like Tupac. 0.96

00:51:26.000 They're redoing his words.

00:51:28.000 That talking snake shape was real.

00:51:30.000 There was a bunch of apostles that were like, eh, that dude ain't all that.

00:51:33.000 I don't care if we know Jesus.

00:51:35.000 So they chose the words that fitted their agenda.

00:51:38.000 Yeah, well, that was Constantine.

00:51:40.000 That was when Constantine was controlling Rome.

00:51:42.000 He was a smart dude.

00:51:43.000 He realized he needed to rope people up with one universal religion.

00:51:46.000 It couldn't be pagans.

00:51:47.000 Well, at that point, though, the slave class had really outnumbered the other classes.

00:51:53.000 So he says it came to him in a dream or whatever, but I think he was trying to survive.

00:51:57.000 I mean, the Christianity spread in the lower classes. 0.83

00:51:59.000 I mean, they idealized that theory that they were going to go to heaven and all these rich people who were putting them to work and doing shitty stuff to them, they were going to go to hell. 0.95

00:52:07.000 So it took off. 0.99

00:52:08.000 And then he was like, oh shit, almost our entire country is slaves. 1.00

00:52:11.000 I'm a Christian. 1.00

00:52:13.000 Like, bam, I had a dream.

00:52:14.000 Really?

00:52:15.000 And then that's what did it.

00:52:16.000 He says it came to him in a dream, but really I think it was survival.

00:52:19.000 So the Christians were just taken over then?

00:52:21.000 They were.

00:52:22.000 There was just too many in that lower class versus the patricians who were well outnumbered at that point.

00:52:28.000 That's fascinating.

00:52:28.000 So it was a survival move more than a control move.

00:52:32.000 I think so.

00:52:32.000 At that point, the adoption of Christianity was like he saw the flood, he saw the tides going, and he was going to either get trampled by it or he was going to go with it.

00:52:41.000 Wouldn't you have loved to have been in that war meeting?

00:52:44.000 Yeah.

00:52:44.000 For real.

00:52:45.000 When they're like, alright, how are we going to handle this? 1.00

00:52:47.000 Like, yo, we got some shit. 1.00

00:52:48.000 Some shit is going down. 1.00

00:52:49.000 There's some people out there with pitchforks and fucking torches and shit. 1.00

00:52:53.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:52:53.000 Feeding them to the lions was just making them mad at that point. 1.00

00:52:56.000 Let's tell them we found Jesus.

00:52:57.000 Yes!

00:52:57.000 I like that.

00:52:58.000 Let's tell them we found Jesus.

00:52:59.000 Go with it.

00:53:00.000 Go with it. 1.00

00:53:00.000 I'm fucking... 1.00

00:53:01.000 I'm born again. 0.99

00:53:02.000 I don't know about y'all.

00:53:03.000 Are you born again?

00:53:05.000 I'm totally born again.

00:53:06.000 We can still keep everything going as usual.

00:53:07.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:53:08.000 We bring them in.

00:53:09.000 We're going to have to include them, but they're not going to kill us.

00:53:11.000 Yeah.

00:53:12.000 Whew.

00:53:12.000 Okay, we're good.

00:53:13.000 We're born again.

00:53:14.000 That's it.

00:53:14.000 And off to the races there.

00:53:16.000 History has changed. 0.97

00:53:17.000 Oh, ridiculous. 0.99

00:53:18.000 And he didn't even become a Christian until right before he died. 0.99

00:53:20.000 Yeah.

00:53:21.000 You know, right?

00:53:21.000 Wasn't he baptized, like, before he died?

00:53:23.000 I'm not sure exactly the timing.

00:53:25.000 He had a little bit of time.

00:53:25.000 For a long time.

00:53:26.000 Yeah, it wasn't a while.

00:53:27.000 I mean, he didn't start leading like that. 0.99

00:53:28.000 I'm not dunking my fucking head in the water. 0.99

00:53:30.000 Dude, you gotta do it. 1.00

00:53:31.000 You gotta do it.

00:53:32.000 They don't believe you unless you do it. 0.99

00:53:34.000 We've got to fucking get in the water. 1.00

00:53:35.000 The water sucks. 0.99

00:53:36.000 It's cold. 0.98

00:53:37.000 You've got to do their thing.

00:53:38.000 You've got to get in the water.

00:53:40.000 You know who's on point?

00:53:41.000 You posted a video about him, but I've read all of his books.

00:53:44.000 It's John Shelby Spong, Why Christianity Must Change or Die.

00:53:48.000 I think you actually posted a YouTube video.

00:53:49.000 I'm sure I did, yeah.

00:53:51.000 And he's a preacher who kind of He's commenting, a very devout Christian who's commenting on the way Christianity has gone.

00:53:59.000 His second book is Why Christianity Must Change or Die.

00:54:01.000 And it's really a poignant book for anybody interested in that.

00:54:04.000 Yeah, he was fascinating.

00:54:05.000 He was like, we're in the control business.

00:54:07.000 This is all the control business.

00:54:08.000 He was so upfront about the entire career that he had in it.

00:54:13.000 Brutally honest.

00:54:14.000 His first book goes through different passages and basically attacks the fundamentalist position of Christianity and says, look, this doesn't make sense.

00:54:22.000 This is a book.

00:54:23.000 It was a guidebook.

00:54:24.000 There's lots of stuff that doesn't make a lot of sense in here anymore.

00:54:27.000 Let's go through this.

00:54:28.000 Let's get rid of this.

00:54:29.000 And then his second book philosophically talks about how the evolution of Christianity needs to be in order for that religion to survive.

00:54:35.000 And I think ultimately it will.

00:54:36.000 I think it's happening.

00:54:37.000 Like the fire and brimstone that used to be, you know, that Bosch paintings of people just getting ripped apart. 0.98

00:54:43.000 And if you go to El Duomo in Florence, you look up at the ceiling and there's demons with these big, giant, big, giant wooden flaming staffs shoving them in people's asses. 1.00

00:54:52.000 And like another demon that's like shoving one in some girl's pussy. 1.00

00:54:56.000 And you're in this church, beautiful church. 1.00

00:54:58.000 And you're like, what the fuck is up here? 1.00

00:55:00.000 That is crazy! 1.00

00:55:02.000 Wait a minute, what is the name of this place again?

00:55:04.000 It's called El Duomo.

00:55:05.000 El Duomo.

00:55:06.000 El Duomo.

00:55:07.000 It's the center church in the middle of Florence.

00:55:09.000 Oh my gosh, I have to see this. 0.99

00:55:10.000 As we climb up to the top, it's fucking bananas. 0.99

00:55:12.000 I have to see this. 0.98

00:55:14.000 I mean, I've been there twice now.

00:55:15.000 Do they have it online?

00:55:15.000 They must have the photos.

00:55:16.000 Yeah, yeah, for sure.

00:55:17.000 Sure.

00:55:17.000 So what is the story behind all that?

00:55:19.000 Well, I mean, at that point, they were pushing...

00:55:22.000 Well, it was for sodomy and adultery, and that was the crimes being punished, but they would be punished by these...

00:55:27.000 How do you spell El Duomo?

00:55:29.000 I think it might be I-L, since it's Italy, and then D-U-O-M-O. It's in Italy, those crazy Italians, those motherfuckers. 1.00

00:55:38.000 Just nutty, man. 1.00

00:55:40.000 Italians are so nuts, man. 1.00

00:55:42.000 I'm Italian, I grew up Italian, but it's because they're so savage that they're always riddled with guilt. 1.00

00:55:48.000 They're just so fucking crazy. 1.00

00:55:51.000 They're the leftover Romans, man. 1.00

00:55:53.000 That's real shit. 1.00

00:55:54.000 Where's the photos of the dragons and the assholes and shit? 1.00

00:55:57.000 So it's going to be the interior of the dome. 1.00

00:56:00.000 Interior of the dome.

00:56:02.000 I need to see this. 1.00

00:56:04.000 It's a beautiful fucking building. 1.00

00:56:06.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

00:56:07.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:56:07.000 It's stunning. 1.00

00:56:08.000 They made some dope-ass architecture. 0.51

00:56:12.000 They did. 0.73

00:56:13.000 They were on point.

00:56:14.000 Isn't that amazing? 0.96

00:56:15.000 Isn't that amazing that if you look at the Vatican and look at a lot of the shit that Da Vinci painted, like the Sistine Chapel and stuff, no one does anything like that these days. 0.90

00:56:28.000 Some of the sculptures, I looked at some of the work by this artist named Bernini. 0.92

00:56:32.000 And I sat this one, and it was a lady sitting on the pillows, the name... 0.98

00:56:36.000 Well, Bernini actually did the ones that were like Daphne and Apollo, and the rape of Persephone.

00:56:43.000 And just to look at how he was able to sculpt someone's fingers digging into someone's flesh, like Hades is digging into Persephone, he's into her side, like grabbing the side of it.

00:56:53.000 And you cannot believe that it's marble.

00:56:55.000 I mean, just the way that he makes it like fleshy.

00:56:58.000 And lifelike.

00:56:59.000 Canova did the same thing with this lady reclining on a pillow. 1.00

00:57:02.000 Just sculpting sheets out of marble that looked like you could fluff them in the breeze. 1.00

00:57:08.000 Yeah, what the fuck, man. 0.99

00:57:09.000 Really just incredibly talented. 1.00

00:57:11.000 And all this stuff just passed on through generation after generation of learning how to work with stone and carve. 1.00

00:57:18.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:57:19.000 Yeah, that'll never be duplicated. 1.00

00:57:21.000 Yeah, it's like people are just way too lazy, man. 0.98

00:57:24.000 I'm not carving shit out of stone. 0.99

00:57:27.000 No. 1.00

00:57:27.000 Fuck all that, man. 1.00

00:57:28.000 Finding the weaknesses in the marble and envisioning what could come out of it. 1.00

00:57:32.000 But we'll do some crazy shit like... 0.98

00:57:34.000 Walk through the Amazon. 0.99

00:57:36.000 We'll do some nutty shit like I'm going to be the first guy. 0.99

00:57:39.000 Like, douchebag, do you know you can take a boat and it's like a few hours you go all around? 0.99

00:57:44.000 Well, you know what's even crazier than walking through the Amazon? 0.93

00:57:47.000 Have you seen the documentary Big River Man?

00:57:50.000 The dude who swam the Amazon.

00:57:51.000 What?

00:57:52.000 He swam the Amazon.

00:57:53.000 Oh, that guy's trying to die.

00:57:54.000 This one will be easy to bring out.

00:57:56.000 It's bigriverman.com. 0.99

00:57:58.000 That dude is nuts. 1.00

00:58:00.000 That dude's trying to die. 1.00

00:58:01.000 He does, pretty much.

00:58:03.000 It takes 65 days.

00:58:05.000 It's this documentary of this guy.

00:58:06.000 He started swimming because he had this alcoholic father.

00:58:09.000 His father would come home and try and beat him.

00:58:11.000 He's in Eastern Europe. 0.88

00:58:12.000 Try and beat him.

00:58:13.000 He figured out if he went in the river, his dad wouldn't follow him.

00:58:16.000 He'd just swim.

00:58:17.000 His dad would chase him along the riverside.

00:58:19.000 What? 1.00

00:58:20.000 And so eventually he learned to be this stamina endurance swimmer, but he got all fucked in the head. 0.99

00:58:24.000 And so he goes out and he swam all of the world's biggest rivers. 0.91

00:58:28.000 And so he goes out on the Amazon, and I just saw this, happened to catch this late night, and I was just amazed.

00:58:33.000 And he doesn't do it like a normal swimmer would, like take their protein and do it.

00:58:38.000 He's like getting them to throw bottles of wine in the water and whiskey.

00:58:41.000 He comes off, he drinks another two bottles of wine, and he's just big dude.

00:58:45.000 He's not even in shape.

00:58:46.000 He's kind of like chubby. 0.88

00:58:48.000 And he gets there, but then around day 40, he's drinking the water from the Amazon, so all the parasites are getting him.

00:58:55.000 He has an onboard doctor, and he's shocking himself with electroshock therapy to kill the parasites, and he's screaming with stuff in his head and batteries attached to him.

00:59:04.000 It's nutty, but then around the 40th day, the last you ever hear from him in the documentary, he goes...

00:59:10.000 I'm crossing into the fourth dimension now. 0.98

00:59:13.000 And he just fucking is gone at that point. 0.99

00:59:17.000 Just gone. 0.99

00:59:17.000 And then so he'll like wake up early in the morning and swim away from the boat and they won't know where he is. 0.99

00:59:22.000 They're like pointing their light out and trying to find him.

00:59:24.000 They see him naked on some riverbank looking at driftwood just Gone. 0.99

00:59:29.000 So is he gone because he was just fucked to begin with? 1.00

00:59:33.000 Or was it all the parasites? 1.00

00:59:35.000 I think it's the parasites and just not taking care of himself. 0.98

00:59:38.000 Exhaustion. 0.88

00:59:38.000 He's so sunburned he has to wear this mask. 0.88

00:59:41.000 He looks like Silence of the Lambs, this mask covering his face. 1.00

00:59:45.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:59:45.000 Yeah, it's nutty. 1.00

00:59:47.000 Big River Man is the name of it.

00:59:49.000 Martin Strell, I believe is his name.

00:59:52.000 It's funny. 1.00

00:59:53.000 There's some nutty motherfuckers. 1.00

00:59:55.000 It is a broad spectrum of human beings, man. 1.00

00:59:58.000 It's broad.

01:00:00.000 When you think you've got people completely figured out, you'll find some new one online. 0.99

01:00:05.000 You'll see some new shit. 0.98

01:00:07.000 I guess when he was swimming the Yangtze, it was so dirty in some of the industrial areas that he had to have nightly blood transfusions from a nurse on the boat. 0.99

01:00:15.000 Just new blood in, old blood out. 1.00

01:00:17.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:00:18.000 And he just fucking kept swimming. 1.00

01:00:19.000 The pictures of that swim are just insane. 0.99

01:00:23.000 He wants to swim all of the biggest rivers of the world. 0.98

01:00:25.000 What is it about people doing dangerous shit that they don't have to do? 0.78

01:00:32.000 It's one thing that if you get thrown into the Amazon, you have to figure out a way to swim to stay alive and make it to the shore and then get back to safety. 0.97

01:00:40.000 I survived in the woods.

01:00:41.000 I started a fire with rocks.

01:00:43.000 I know how to get back and I got back and I made it.

01:00:46.000 That's an excellent story.

01:00:47.000 But when you thrust yourself into that situation, that's not a game.

01:00:51.000 That's a river.

01:00:52.000 What is that?

01:00:54.000 It's not the survival instinct that has propagated the species.

01:00:57.000 It's the instinct to reproduce. 0.99

01:00:59.000 And doing dangerous shit has always gotten chicks. 1.00

01:01:02.000 Is that what it is? 0.99

01:01:03.000 How do you account for chicks that like getting hot air balloons and go across the world? 1.00

01:01:10.000 How about this chick who's rowing her way? 1.00

01:01:12.000 She's in a sailboat.

01:01:13.000 She's like 16. And she's sailing across the ocean.

01:01:16.000 What's that about?

01:01:17.000 Is she a lesbian? 1.00

01:01:18.000 She's trying to get some pussy? 1.00

01:01:19.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:01:20.000 I think that's some kind of tapping into some of the same instincts. 0.87

01:01:25.000 Dude, lesbians trying to pick up straight chicks is just as creepy as dudes trying to pick up straight chicks. 1.00

01:01:31.000 My girl certainly gets her fair share of... 0.98

01:01:34.000 I was at the mailbox... 0.75

01:01:36.000 And I'm about to send a package, and there's this lesbian lady, and she's like so obviously dykey, just big, and she's got a mullet, and it's like the whole deal, you know? 1.00

01:01:46.000 And she's got like one of those Eddie Bravo Falcon wristbands, it's like a leather strap on her wrist, and the girl in front of her is getting a package, you know?

01:01:56.000 And she drops something, she's like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm so disorganized.

01:02:01.000 And the lesbian goes, don't apologize for being human. 1.00

01:02:06.000 And I was like, ugh! 0.99

01:02:08.000 It was so gross.

01:02:10.000 I literally put my hand up to my mouth.

01:02:13.000 It was so sleazy.

01:02:16.000 Here's my card. 1.00

01:02:18.000 It was so low-rent, traveling vacuum salesman trying to fuck somebody's wife. 1.00

01:02:26.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:02:27.000 It was so sad.

01:02:29.000 Don't apologize for being human.

01:02:31.000 I was like, ugh!

01:02:33.000 Like, that must be what it sounds like, you know, when dudes try to do it, too.

01:02:37.000 Yeah.

01:02:37.000 I'm sure it is.

01:02:39.000 It is.

01:02:39.000 It's the same thing, right?

01:02:40.000 Yeah.

01:02:41.000 When you hear a dude, like, with a sleazy, cheesy line, you know, and you're like, oh, you feel bad for that chick.

01:02:46.000 That could be your sister. 0.69

01:02:47.000 That could be your daughter. 1.00

01:02:48.000 She's got to listen to this moron. 1.00

01:02:50.000 You know, I could always just give it to you right here in my car. 1.00

01:02:54.000 Yeah, that's brutal. 0.99

01:02:56.000 It's disgusting.

01:02:57.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:02:57.000 Could be someone's kid. 0.97

01:02:59.000 Yeah.

01:03:01.000 That perspective comes from having children.

01:03:03.000 Dude, that perspective jacks you.

01:03:05.000 When you have children, everything changes. 0.99

01:03:07.000 Porn becomes like a sad story. 0.50

01:03:10.000 You know? 1.00

01:03:10.000 Like, oh, poor girl getting mouthfucked. 1.00

01:03:13.000 Think about it. 0.99

01:03:13.000 That used to be somebody's baby. 0.99

01:03:15.000 Somebody's little girl.

01:03:16.000 Used to be a thumb. 1.00

01:03:16.000 Now it's some big, giant, black dick. 1.00

01:03:19.000 Glug, glug, glug. 1.00

01:03:21.000 She's getting gagged, slapped in the face with it. 0.96

01:03:24.000 I'm like, wow.

01:03:26.000 Can't enjoy it.

01:03:27.000 Not so fun.

01:03:28.000 Changed it.

01:03:30.000 Changed the game.

01:03:31.000 Have you been?

01:03:31.000 You've been.

01:03:32.000 Brian, have you ever been to a set of a porn?

01:03:34.000 Where?

01:03:35.000 A set of a porn being filmed?

01:03:36.000 Just like my bedroom and stuff like that.

01:03:39.000 Tell us, Brian.

01:03:42.000 Speaking of which, play your friend.

01:03:45.000 Your friend's clip.

01:03:46.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:03:47.000 Not speaking of which.

01:03:49.000 This is not a romantic situation.

01:03:51.000 Here's some porn I filmed. 0.82

01:03:53.000 No, this is actually from Sam Tripoli's Naughty Show. 0.89

01:03:56.000 This is a video that...

01:03:58.000 Tell everybody...

01:03:59.000 They don't have to see it.

01:04:01.000 It's funny enough as it is.

01:04:03.000 But if you want to see it, what is the YouTube address?

01:04:06.000 Just type in Little Esther on the street.

01:04:11.000 Little Esther on the street.

01:04:11.000 This is Brian's friend.

01:04:13.000 She's 22?

01:04:14.000 22, but she looks like she's 12. Yeah, 12 years old.

01:04:17.000 Seriously, she really looks like she's 12. And that's her whole thing.

01:04:20.000 She was on Jimmy Kimmel.

01:04:21.000 She played Jimmy Kimmel's sister on Jimmy Kimmel in one episode or something.

01:04:26.000 And what is her name?

01:04:28.000 Esther.

01:04:29.000 Esther?

01:04:29.000 Yeah.

01:04:30.000 They go by Lil' Esther.

01:04:32.000 She's hilarious.

01:04:33.000 She's like a new up-and-coming comic, I would say. 1.00

01:04:36.000 She does a lot of comedy store stuff.

01:04:38.000 And Esther, I'm sorry, what's her last name again?

01:04:40.000 She goes by Little Esther.

01:04:42.000 Little Esther.

01:04:42.000 Yeah, so you can find her.

01:04:43.000 So her name is a mystery?

01:04:45.000 Well, if you go on Twitter, it's twitter.com backslash LIL underscore Ether.

01:04:52.000 I'll tweet it in a bit, but yeah, it's called Little Ether, and here's that.

01:04:57.000 How do you spell Esther?

01:04:59.000 Hold on.

01:05:01.000 E-S-T-H-E-R. Oh, it's Esther, huh? 0.66

01:05:05.000 Yeah.

01:05:06.000 I would have got that wrong.

01:05:08.000 But then I would have looked at it the right way and be like, that doesn't look right either.

01:05:11.000 E-S-T-E-R? They look stupid, too. 1.00

01:05:12.000 E-S-T-H-E-R. All right, whatever. 1.00

01:05:14.000 Let's hear this.

01:05:14.000 It's funny.

01:05:15.000 She's on the street.

01:05:16.000 She's a girl literally who looks like she's 12 years old, and she's just walking up to strangers.

01:05:20.000 Yeah, and she's saying that this is for her health class, you know?

01:05:23.000 Yeah.

01:05:23.000 All right?

01:05:23.000 So here it goes.

01:05:26.000 Little Esther, she's got questions.

01:05:28.000 She needs answers.

01:05:29.000 This should be interesting.

01:05:31.000 Um, so I'm just asking questions for my teen health project.

01:05:34.000 What does friends with benefits mean?

01:05:38.000 Oh, it's loading up.

01:05:39.000 It was loaded up. 0.99

01:05:40.000 Oh, that's so gay, Brian. 1.00

01:05:41.000 I can't believe you did that. 0.93

01:05:42.000 It was loaded up earlier, but you know, we went and did that song instead.

01:05:46.000 Anyway, blah, blah, blah.

01:05:48.000 Are you playing it over again?

01:05:51.000 They already heard that part. 1.00

01:05:54.000 God damn it. 0.99

01:05:56.000 Anyways, it's really funny. 0.99

01:05:57.000 Yeah, just go to it online.

01:06:00.000 We'll play it in a bit.

01:06:01.000 We'll load up while we're waiting.

01:06:02.000 Let it load up.

01:06:03.000 Anyway, she's 12 and she looks...

01:06:06.000 Or she's 22. And she looks like she's 12. It's a really funny video.

01:06:10.000 From Sam Tripoli's Naughty Show.

01:06:13.000 And she asks dirty questions. 1.00

01:06:16.000 Yeah.

01:06:16.000 You already know the joke.

01:06:17.000 Right.

01:06:18.000 But it's good.

01:06:19.000 It's a good joke.

01:06:20.000 It's very similar to that man show boy concept.

01:06:22.000 Kind of.

01:06:23.000 But way dirtier.

01:06:24.000 The kid looks really young.

01:06:25.000 But way more wrong.

01:06:26.000 Yeah.

01:06:27.000 Because it's a girl.

01:06:30.000 But at least she's really an adult as opposed to the man show boy who's like a real little kid.

01:06:34.000 Was it?

01:06:35.000 I thought it wasn't.

01:06:36.000 No, no, no, no.

01:06:37.000 It was a kid.

01:06:38.000 He was like 15 or something.

01:06:39.000 He was a boy, right?

01:06:41.000 And he aged while the show was going on.

01:06:42.000 I didn't know that.

01:06:42.000 That became the man show, you know, like teenager.

01:06:45.000 You know, I always got that kid mixed up with Andy Milonakis or whatever his name is.

01:06:49.000 You know what?

01:06:50.000 I don't even know who Andy Milonakis is.

01:06:51.000 I know the name.

01:06:53.000 I've seen the name written in print and it's like a cultural pop icon name.

01:06:56.000 Right.

01:06:57.000 You know, someone will say it and I don't know who it is.

01:06:59.000 I don't get it.

01:07:00.000 I've seen it a hundred times.

01:07:01.000 He's pretty funny.

01:07:02.000 Is he a comic?

01:07:03.000 Yeah.

01:07:03.000 Well, he's like a video guy.

01:07:05.000 I don't even know.

01:07:06.000 Oh, like a YouTube guy?

01:07:07.000 Yeah, like a YouTube guy, kind of, but he also has been in, like, stuff, you know, movies and stuff.

01:07:10.000 I hope people don't get offended when you say they don't know who they are.

01:07:12.000 There's just so many people.

01:07:13.000 There's too many people to know now.

01:07:14.000 He's from MTV, I think. 1.00

01:07:15.000 There's too much shit going on, man. 1.00

01:07:17.000 I can't keep up with all those goddamn videos people are sending me. 0.99

01:07:19.000 I look at my Twitter, it's like if I wanted to just waste my entire life, not waste, but use up all my time, I would just go on my Twitter and watch all the videos that people send me. 0.99

01:07:28.000 All these fucked up crazy videos, over and over and over and over again, all day. 0.95

01:07:32.000 Check this out. 0.99

01:07:33.000 Oh my god, have you ever seen this?

01:07:35.000 How is this guy still alive?

01:07:37.000 Every day, animal attacks, car wrecks, motorcycle crash, animal attacks. 0.99

01:07:43.000 It's all fucking day, dude. 0.96

01:07:45.000 Yeah, so much content out there. 1.00

01:07:47.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:07:47.000 It's impossible to watch at all. 1.00

01:07:49.000 Our minds are being reprogrammed. 1.00

01:07:52.000 You sit in front of these fucking computers just inundated with crazy shit over and over again all day. 1.00

01:07:58.000 If you have time and your dick works, someone's going to send you something fucked up. 1.00

01:08:02.000 Right? 0.99

01:08:03.000 Because if you have time and you're young enough to be having fun in life, you're going to have some fun friends. 1.00

01:08:07.000 And if you have fun friends, they're going to see some fucked up shit. 1.00

01:08:10.000 And if they're going to see some fucked up shit, then I want you to see it too. 1.00

01:08:13.000 Right? 0.99

01:08:13.000 If it tweaks them, they're going to want to send it to you. 0.99

01:08:16.000 They're going to want to be the one that shocks you.

01:08:20.000 It's too much, man.

01:08:21.000 It is.

01:08:22.000 Every once in a while, just reading a book with actual pages.

01:08:26.000 Because I got the iPad thing, and I like that too.

01:08:29.000 But it's sometimes comforting just to go back.

01:08:32.000 Just to shut some stuff out.

01:08:35.000 I'm going to read this page of printed letters.

01:08:37.000 You've tried this recently, and this is a big thing that I do.

01:08:40.000 It's a sensory deprivation tank.

01:08:42.000 You just tried it for the first time, right?

01:08:43.000 Yep.

01:08:44.000 What did you think about that?

01:08:46.000 I think I sent this to you in an email, but I likened it to the first time I had sex.

01:08:50.000 I could tell it was something rad, and I knew I was going to dig it for the rest of my life, but I was terrible at it.

01:08:57.000 Just not quite good at it yet.

01:09:00.000 You have to really just relax your mind.

01:09:03.000 I was fidgeting with how comfortable I was, but then I also was super tired when I was in there.

01:09:09.000 It was a long week and I didn't have it available to me except for kind of late in the evening and I wanted to make sure I got in.

01:09:16.000 So I started to fall asleep but it was this crazy consciousness in the sleep.

01:09:20.000 Like I saw this window of where sleep was and I could visually see it.

01:09:24.000 I could see it with my eyes open.

01:09:26.000 And I could crawl in it and I was asleep.

01:09:28.000 And I could crawl out of it and not be asleep.

01:09:31.000 And I was fully in control of how it was going.

01:09:34.000 And that was pretty wild.

01:09:37.000 I mean, what you're able to do with your mind in that situation where you can't tell when your eyes are open and your eyes are closed and there's no feeling, no sensation on your body.

01:09:47.000 The amount of control I was able to exercise was amazing.

01:09:50.000 Didn't find any kind of great lucid information out of it, but the experience was wild.

01:09:55.000 I mean, I've never been able to see those layers.

01:09:58.000 Because usually you just pass out.

01:09:59.000 You don't know when you fell asleep.

01:10:00.000 All of a sudden you're awake.

01:10:01.000 You remember that.

01:10:02.000 Then all of a sudden you're asleep and you wake up the next morning.

01:10:04.000 But this, I was able to see the steps in between.

01:10:08.000 You never realize how quiet it is until the power goes out in your house.

01:10:11.000 Yeah.

01:10:12.000 You know when the power goes out in the neighborhood and the power's out everywhere?

01:10:14.000 That...

01:10:15.000 You hear things go off, and there's that dead silence that you don't get any other way.

01:10:22.000 Well, the tank is that times a million.

01:10:24.000 The tank is that with your body.

01:10:26.000 It shuts everything off.

01:10:27.000 Everything.

01:10:28.000 It's one of the things that I always talk about.

01:10:30.000 I talk about it on this podcast all the time.

01:10:32.000 I talk about it in interviews all the time.

01:10:34.000 And the thing that I always say is that I'm...

01:10:37.000 I'm always shocked that people don't do this.

01:10:39.000 I'm always shocked that people don't know about this.

01:10:41.000 I'm shocked that there's not one of these on every corner.

01:10:44.000 That people aren't having these things put in their house.

01:10:47.000 They have jacuzzis put in their house.

01:10:48.000 Why don't you have an isolation tank?

01:10:50.000 Do you not want to be happy?

01:10:51.000 Do you not want to think?

01:10:52.000 Do you not want to relax?

01:10:53.000 Some people are running like hell from their own thoughts.

01:10:56.000 That's too dangerous.

01:10:57.000 Too much work, man.

01:10:59.000 That's too much work.

01:11:00.000 It's more work... 1.00

01:11:02.000 To run from your shit than it is to face your shit. 1.00

01:11:04.000 And there's no facing your shit like facing your shit in that tank. 1.00

01:11:08.000 You can't hide behind any bullshit when you're in there. 1.00

01:11:13.000 There's no distractions. 0.99

01:11:14.000 There's nothing. 0.99

01:11:15.000 You get right immediately to whatever is fucking with you. 0.98

01:11:19.000 Anything. 0.98

01:11:20.000 And then once you get good at that, then you become a Jedi.

01:11:22.000 You become an astral traveler.

01:11:24.000 You get in there, and you learn how to really let go.

01:11:28.000 You just lock in quick.

01:11:29.000 I lock in within 15 minutes.

01:11:31.000 I'm gone.

01:11:32.000 I settle in.

01:11:35.000 The thing is, you always got to get your body to relax.

01:11:38.000 There's so much tension that you're carrying around in you.

01:11:42.000 You don't realize how much tension you have until you're in a zero-gravity environment, and you realize you're holding yourself.

01:11:48.000 You're like pulling yourself in.

01:11:49.000 Like your back and muscles are pulled in.

01:11:51.000 Your arms are pulled in.

01:11:52.000 You don't even realize you're doing this.

01:11:53.000 You're like fighting the world all the time. 0.99

01:11:55.000 But when you get in there and then all that shit goes away, then about 15 minutes in, once the breathing stabilizes, it whoop! 0.99

01:12:04.000 And then I go. 0.99

01:12:05.000 Then I'm gone. 0.86

01:12:06.000 Then I'm off in the land of wild hallucinations and fucking vivid dreams and lucid dreaming and flying and communicating with entities and having things explained to you in gigantic three-dimensional numbers from an alien planet that are rotating around you in some big holoscope that's like a hologram that's shaped like the planet Earth. 0.83

01:12:27.000 I was watching the universe being explained to me in letters that were from another planet and That were spinning around. 0.88

01:12:33.000 That were three dimensional.

01:12:34.000 And it was all being orchestrated by these aliens.

01:12:37.000 And it made sense to me while I was watching it.

01:12:39.000 I was trying to figure out their code and their pattern.

01:12:41.000 So this is how the whole universe works.

01:12:44.000 It all works by this one thing.

01:12:45.000 Then everything goes into another thing.

01:12:47.000 And that goes deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper.

01:12:49.000 That's how crazy the tank is.

01:12:51.000 Yep.

01:12:51.000 Why is that not everywhere?

01:12:52.000 Well, I mean, there's other ways to get there too.

01:12:55.000 Not there.

01:12:55.000 There ain't no other ways to get there unless you're doing drugs.

01:12:57.000 Exactly.

01:12:58.000 That's kind of where I was leading to.

01:13:00.000 But even those are better in the tank.

01:13:02.000 Yeah.

01:13:03.000 You think you know what mushrooms feel like?

01:13:05.000 Mushrooms in the tank are a totally different animal, man.

01:13:08.000 There's no distractions.

01:13:09.000 That mushroom gets to talk right to you, you know?

01:13:12.000 The weed in the tank, the weed's talking right to you. 0.99

01:13:16.000 There's no, oh, my ass is on the couch and the light is hitting my eyes and the elbow touches the seat arm. 0.97

01:13:23.000 There's none of that. 0.99

01:13:24.000 There's no input.

01:13:24.000 There's so many powerful weapons at our disposal that people are so scared of.

01:13:29.000 I mean, it's just crazy.

01:13:30.000 I mean, the tank is one of them.

01:13:31.000 Obviously, a huge resource.

01:13:33.000 And it's easy.

01:13:34.000 It's just, you know, you can't complain about anything.

01:13:37.000 But then there's other, you know, shamans for years.

01:13:39.000 I think the best way I've heard it described is this rad book called The Cosmic Serpent by Jeremy Narby.

01:13:44.000 I've heard of that.

01:13:45.000 The shaman's goal is to lead you to the realm of the spirits and then allow you to defocalize.

01:13:51.000 He talks about it like a stereogram.

01:13:53.000 Remember those 3D images where you'd relax your eyes and the 3D would pop out?

01:13:59.000 Yeah.

01:13:59.000 He's like, that's what you're doing when you're in that kind of shamanistic experience is you're defocalizing your body and then allowing communication to come through.

01:14:08.000 But his theories are pretty amazing.

01:14:12.000 I mean...

01:14:12.000 These conversations are, there's people right now that are listening, okay?

01:14:16.000 And there's two groups of people. 0.94

01:14:19.000 Obviously, there's more than two, but when it comes to this subject, there's people who've had psychedelic experiences and people who have no fucking idea what we're talking about. 0.96

01:14:27.000 Literally, you think we're talking about hippie fairy dust. 0.90

01:14:31.000 This is what it sounds like.

01:14:33.000 Wait a minute, what are you doing?

01:14:34.000 You're tuning in to...

01:14:35.000 What are you tuning in to?

01:14:37.000 You're tuning in to Santa Claus?

01:14:39.000 What's going on?

01:14:41.000 There's even intelligent scientists...

01:14:43.000 We'll have conversations.

01:14:45.000 And if you bring up any sort of psychedelic or any sort of psychedelic compound or altered states of consciousness, they just shut off on you.

01:14:52.000 They just immediately discredit everything you're saying.

01:14:55.000 Well, you're just talking about getting high.

01:14:58.000 They just put it in a nice little box.

01:15:00.000 And they toss it away.

01:15:02.000 But if they've done mushrooms, they'll go, oh yeah.

01:15:07.000 They'll look at you and go, yeah, it might be that. 0.99

01:15:10.000 I've talked to some serious, serious fucking scientists, man. 0.99

01:15:14.000 And guys who have PhDs and guys who work at universities, teaching schools, teaching physics courses and shit. 0.99

01:15:22.000 I've talked to them about psychedelics.

01:15:24.000 And I had some fascinating conversations where people who are way smarter than me, way more educated than me, way more experienced in the ways of the world, and they've had a bunch of psychedelic experiences, and they'll tell you, who knows what that is? 0.93

01:15:39.000 Who the fuck knows what that is?

01:15:41.000 That might be a billion different things. 0.98

01:15:42.000 This is a pretty cool theory by Jeremy Narby, and I'll give you the cliff notes here for discussion's sake.

01:15:47.000 But he went down to the ayahuasquero shamans down in the jungle and took the ayahuasca with them. 0.74

01:15:55.000 And he was just an anthropologist.

01:15:56.000 And for people who don't know, let's explain what ayahuasca is.

01:15:59.000 Ayahuasca is two different plants.

01:16:01.000 There's the actual dimethyltryptamine active plant that is part of a vine.

01:16:07.000 And then somehow, out of the 80,000 species in the Amazon, they figured out there's this other...

01:16:10.000 I think it's more than that.

01:16:11.000 Yeah, there's this other leaf that they needed to combine with it to actually make it work, an MAO inhibitor.

01:16:17.000 And so they combine this and they make it into a tea, and it's been part of the traditional religious ceremonies down there for thousands of years.

01:16:22.000 Yeah, see, what this DMT stuff is, is a chemical that...

01:16:26.000 It's the most potent psychedelic drug known to man, and it exists in a bunch of different plants, but you can't eat it.

01:16:33.000 Because when you eat it, it exists in so many different things.

01:16:35.000 I guess your body has some protection for it.

01:16:37.000 Because if you eat grass, grass has DMT in it.

01:16:40.000 Well, there's a thing that your stomach makes called monoamine oxidase, and that's MAO.

01:16:44.000 So these guys figured out how to mix an MAO inhibitor that kills the MAO in their system with this DMT so that they can take it orally. 0.70

01:16:52.000 And you talk to, when they interview the guys, and they ask them how they figure this shit out, thousands of years ago, by the way, they said the plants talk to them. 0.84

01:17:00.000 That's how they say about all the medicines that they get. 0.98

01:17:03.000 The plants talk to them.

01:17:03.000 So Jeremy, he took that and he was like, how could this be true?

01:17:07.000 He's like, you know, science discredits it, but they prove it time and time again. 0.99

01:17:10.000 They pick the shit that works. 0.99

01:17:12.000 And then modern pharma goes down there and is like, hey, what does this do? 1.00

01:17:15.000 And they know the answers.

01:17:16.000 So how do they know the answers?

01:17:18.000 The theory is that this all comes from your brain.

01:17:21.000 Your brain projects this stuff when you take dimethyltryptamine, but he has a different theory.

01:17:26.000 His theory goes that in all of these cultures, you see a lot of serpents when you're underneath these visions.

01:17:32.000 These serpents are often intertwined.

01:17:34.000 You can see this written in rock paintings in Aboriginal Australia and all over the place.

01:17:39.000 The vision of the serpent, he calls it the cosmic serpent, is everywhere.

01:17:42.000 And what he's saying is that's actually a vision of a person's DNA, of DNA in general, not just the person's, but the DNA of life.

01:17:51.000 And that you're actually, when you're in that level, you're communicating on a microbiological level with DNA, which connects everything.

01:18:00.000 It's kind of like the Navi avatar principle where...

01:18:03.000 Everything is connected by the universal language of DNA, and the defocalization of the ayahuasca allows you to communicate with the DNA so that the plants talk to you, that there's visions and wisdom from everything that comes.

01:18:15.000 And the synthesis he's able to get, I mean, there's actually DNA emits, and one of the ways you say they communicate is DNA emits actual light.

01:18:23.000 It emits photons.

01:18:24.000 DNA itself will do that.

01:18:25.000 It's too dim.

01:18:27.000 And it's too small when you isolate DNA by itself, but it'll emit a certain amount of photons.

01:18:32.000 So, you know, all of these theories that, you know, you're beings of light and whatever, and everything is light, all sounds like you said, like hippie stuff, whatever, but it's cross-culturally, people say this.

01:18:42.000 Well, when you do DMT, that's what you see, too.

01:18:44.000 You see beings that are made out of light.

01:18:46.000 Right.

01:18:46.000 Exactly.

01:18:47.000 And he's saying that's the DNA. The DNA is the substance of life.

01:18:51.000 It's an interconnected substance of life.

01:18:53.000 And that's basically the collective unconscious.

01:18:56.000 And that's how all different life forms...

01:18:58.000 Man, you're just on drugs, dude.

01:19:00.000 Bro.

01:19:01.000 I see what you're doing, man. 0.99

01:19:03.000 You're just trying to fucking... 1.00

01:19:04.000 There's always the cynic that steps in. 1.00

01:19:06.000 Yeah, that's good.

01:19:07.000 This is what you've got.

01:19:08.000 You've got chemicals interacting with your brain and you go loopy for a few hours while your body tries to normalize the poison you've put in your system.

01:19:16.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.71

01:19:17.000 What you are, okay, is just another religion, man. 1.00

01:19:20.000 You're just believing some more wacky shit. 1.00

01:19:22.000 And all that ever tells me is that dude hasn't done DMT. That's all it tells me. 0.99

01:19:27.000 If you're talking shit about doing DMT, for sure you haven't done it. 0.99

01:19:31.000 Because once you do it, you go, oh, oh, whoa, whoa, really? 0.99

01:19:38.000 Really?

01:19:39.000 Wow.

01:19:40.000 Changes the game.

01:19:41.000 And these guys have been doing it for thousands of years. 0.98

01:19:43.000 And people go, what if they're so fucking smart, man? 0.96

01:19:47.000 How come they don't have TVs or cars? 0.99

01:19:49.000 They don't have paved roads? 0.97

01:19:51.000 Because if you were doing DMT all the time, you wouldn't give a fuck about TVs. 1.00

01:19:55.000 You're like, TV ain't shit compared to being able to communicate with the afterlife, you fuck. 1.00

01:20:00.000 You know what's funny? 1.00

01:20:00.000 I can fish. 1.00

01:20:01.000 I'll go get a fish.

01:20:02.000 It takes me an hour.

01:20:04.000 I cook.

01:20:04.000 I know I have food.

01:20:05.000 I'm done.

01:20:05.000 I'm going to do some more DMT, all right?

01:20:07.000 The ayahuascares, they call the ayahuasca the television of the forest.

01:20:12.000 That's what they call it. 0.99

01:20:13.000 That is where they go to see the crazy shit that's better than any television. 0.99

01:20:17.000 Here's an interesting point. 1.00

01:20:17.000 They brought some ayahuasca back from Brazil. 1.00

01:20:20.000 I believe this was in the 50s.

01:20:22.000 And when they first recognized it as a psychoactive substance, they were going to call it telepathine.

01:20:29.000 Yeah.

01:20:30.000 Because it allowed groupthink and allowed telepathy.

01:20:33.000 Like, they were going to patent it as telepathine.

01:20:35.000 But they didn't realize that one of the active compounds in it had already been identified, and that was harmine.

01:20:43.000 And because harmine had already been identified, because of the rules of scientific nomenclature, like the thing they were naming had already been named.

01:20:50.000 So they couldn't call it telepathine.

01:20:52.000 But that's what they were going to call it.

01:20:53.000 They were going to call it telepathine.

01:20:55.000 Like, whoa, that's the active ingredient.

01:20:57.000 Something that allows you to have telepathy. 0.99

01:20:59.000 These are like scientists are fucking writing this down. 1.00

01:21:01.000 That's nutty shit, man. 1.00

01:21:03.000 It sounds so woo-woo, Deepak Chopra, yoga beads bullshit. 1.00

01:21:07.000 It sounds so fucking dumb. 1.00

01:21:09.000 To me, it sounds dumb. 1.00

01:21:11.000 But I know it's real because I've done it. 0.99

01:21:13.000 That's how crazy DMT is and ayahuasca and mushrooms and all these things that people just automatically label as silly.

01:21:21.000 Automatic. 1.00

01:21:22.000 These are life-changing, reset-button-pressing motherfuckers. 0.99

01:21:26.000 And everybody's like, oh, what are you doing, mushrooms, man? 0.99

01:21:29.000 But here's an honest question.

01:21:30.000 Do you talk about DMT every day?

01:21:32.000 Is there days that you don't talk about DMT? Sure.

01:21:34.000 Not at all.

01:21:34.000 Because it's so amazing that it's just flooding your mind.

01:21:37.000 You can't talk about anything every day, man.

01:21:39.000 But I think about it every day.

01:21:40.000 You do think about it every day?

01:21:41.000 There's always a moment where I'm in the shower by myself...

01:21:44.000 And you go, oh yeah.

01:21:45.000 So you don't think that's kind of crazy?

01:21:48.000 It's not crazy. 0.99

01:21:49.000 It's like if you were picked up by God and taken on a magical mystery tour for three hours in a spaceship above fucking Pluto, you would be remembering that shit all the time because it was the most extreme experience a human being could ever possibly have. 0.97

01:22:01.000 I've felt that in drugs where I'm like, this is the most amazing thing in the whole entire world, but I don't think about it. 0.97

01:22:06.000 It's not like that.

01:22:09.000 It's not this was the most amazing thing in the world.

01:22:11.000 It's not like that at all.

01:22:12.000 It's that this is even possible is impossible.

01:22:15.000 That this exists is mind-blowing.

01:22:18.000 That this reality seems realer than the reality that I live in every day.

01:22:21.000 The fact that there's something that feels like it's communicating with you and it's giving you a message that you're connected to everything and that it's a gigantic illusion created by your biology to keep you alive and to make you sustain this other world that exists in your dream consciousness. 0.99

01:22:36.000 I mean, they communicate this shit to you. 0.99

01:22:38.000 And it makes sense. 1.00

01:22:40.000 And whatever it is, it sees right through you and communicates only with love and is showing you impossible to believe images and visuals.

01:22:50.000 And at the end of it, when it's all over, you're changed forever.

01:22:54.000 You can't go back.

01:22:57.000 You wouldn't want to, but you couldn't anyway.

01:22:59.000 But you've got to make sure that whatever you get out of that, you can still talk to people.

01:23:06.000 That's what I was saying.

01:23:07.000 It's too much of anything.

01:23:08.000 You don't want to lose your grip.

01:23:10.000 Yeah, you don't want to get slippery.

01:23:11.000 You can get slippery.

01:23:12.000 You know, there's a guy that I know that's a tattoo artist that's done DMT like a hundred times.

01:23:19.000 And I have hung out with this dude, and he did Eddie's arm, you know, Eddie's sleeve.

01:23:25.000 I don't want to say his name, just in case he doesn't want people to know him. 0.99

01:23:28.000 Anyway, dude has got this fucking sniper stare. 0.99

01:23:33.000 He's got this look in his eyes, man. 0.99

01:23:35.000 Like, he's just been over there just a few too many times.

01:23:39.000 Like, he can't ever quite step back into the real world. 0.99

01:23:42.000 Like, every corner he turns around, there's fucking DMT elves staring at him from behind the counter. 0.99

01:23:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:23:47.000 He's just been there too many times, man. 0.99

01:23:50.000 He's had some very interesting...

01:23:51.000 He doesn't talk about it.

01:23:53.000 That's the weird thing.

01:23:54.000 I think when he does talk about it, but he doesn't go into depth like me, like I'm just yapping about it, because I haven't done it in years.

01:24:00.000 It's still fresh in my mind.

01:24:02.000 Yeah, does it start off like I'm talking about it a lot, and then you start peeing your pants, and then you start...

01:24:07.000 You start seeing it.

01:24:08.000 When you talk about it, you start seeing it again.

01:24:10.000 You know, like little flashbacks will pop in your head of things that happened.

01:24:13.000 Not flashbacks like you can't see or you're hallucinating, but just like, oh yeah, okay, that happened.

01:24:19.000 Oh yeah, oh yeah.

01:24:20.000 It makes you think about it again.

01:24:22.000 There was one experience that I had with a traditional shaman out in the desert here in the US. She took me out.

01:24:31.000 A girl shaman?

01:24:32.000 Yeah, a female shaman. 0.93

01:24:33.000 That's hardcore.

01:24:33.000 Right.

01:24:35.000 This is where the music starts.

01:24:38.000 But anyways, I fasted, did the proper traditional preparation, and I drank a substance.

01:24:45.000 I think it was some kind of mushroom and other traditional plant-based substance.

01:24:52.000 What I got from that has totally changed my life forever.

01:24:55.000 At that point, I was able to lift from my body.

01:24:58.000 Lift from it.

01:24:59.000 Look down and realize, oh wow, this is just a vessel.

01:25:04.000 It's useful.

01:25:05.000 It's wonderful.

01:25:05.000 It allows me to flow through this world, but it's not the be-all.

01:25:10.000 There's a separation.

01:25:11.000 There's a distinction between body and spirit.

01:25:14.000 From then, the fear of death evaporated for me.

01:25:17.000 It would just be a shame.

01:25:18.000 I certainly don't want to die.

01:25:19.000 I love life. 0.97

01:25:20.000 Life is fucking rad.

01:25:20.000 But the fear of it is gone.

01:25:23.000 It was just a hallucination, man.

01:25:25.000 You were on mushrooms. 1.00

01:25:26.000 You were hanging out with a hot shaman girl, trying to get some pussy. 1.00

01:25:30.000 You got a little carried up in the moment. 1.00

01:25:31.000 You went a little Barry Manilow.

01:25:34.000 Jesus just put him on your shoulders, man. 0.91

01:25:36.000 He could have been Jesus.

01:25:37.000 You ever think of that?

01:25:38.000 Do you know the book of the sacred mushroom and the cross?

01:25:43.000 You ever heard that story?

01:25:44.000 I've heard a little bit about it.

01:25:45.000 John Marco Allegro, who was one of the head scholars of the Dead Sea Scrolls, he was in charge of deciphering it, spent 14 years working on the oldest version of the Bible by far, and what he decided after 14 years, he wrote a book about it, that the entire Christian religion was a gigantic misunderstanding, and what it was initially all about was psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals.

01:26:08.000 And he said, this is what the whole Christian religion was initially all about. 0.96

01:26:13.000 And he has this fucking book dedicated to it. 0.99

01:26:16.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:26:16.000 I can't follow it. 1.00

01:26:18.000 I don't understand ancient languages.

01:26:20.000 I have no knowledge of it.

01:26:21.000 But just the fact that this guy was this really well-respected scholar and he came to these conclusions.

01:26:26.000 I mean, of course they were doing drugs.

01:26:30.000 The drugs were around.

01:26:31.000 Mushrooms have been around for thousands and thousands of years.

01:26:33.000 What?

01:26:33.000 We're the first ones to figure out you can eat it?

01:26:35.000 People back then ate everything they could, right?

01:26:38.000 They ate everything.

01:26:39.000 They had to try. 1.00

01:26:39.000 The reason why we know shit's poisonous is because dudes ate it and died. 1.00

01:26:42.000 And they said, alright, he ate that, he died. 1.00

01:26:44.000 Don't eat that.

01:26:45.000 You eat that.

01:26:46.000 You try eating that. 0.99

01:26:47.000 Because if there's a lot of this shit around, if this is edible, it's good. 0.99

01:26:50.000 It's good. 0.99

01:26:50.000 The apples are good. 0.99

01:26:51.000 Let's eat the apples.

01:26:52.000 I mean, that's how they figured out how to do things.

01:26:53.000 They ate everything, bro.

01:26:55.000 They ate it all.

01:26:55.000 They knew what was good and what was bad.

01:26:57.000 And if mushrooms were around, and they were, people were eating them.

01:27:00.000 And if people were eating them, they were seeing God.

01:27:03.000 And if they were seeing God, they didn't want anybody else in on the action.

01:27:05.000 So what did they do? 0.99

01:27:06.000 They hid all their fucking knowledge about these mushrooms and And these rituals, and they put it in stories. 0.99

01:27:11.000 And they put it in fables and parables. 0.99

01:27:14.000 And they just twisted it all up.

01:27:15.000 So it was just a little bit different.

01:27:18.000 Fascinating.

01:27:18.000 The forbidden fruit is a mushroom, man.

01:27:21.000 That's what it is.

01:27:22.000 I mean, there's an ancient fresco in France.

01:27:24.000 There's this ancient painting, rather.

01:27:27.000 And it's on this wall. 0.96

01:27:29.000 It's from fucking thousands of years ago. 0.98

01:27:31.000 And it's Adam and Eve with a mushroom tree. 0.99

01:27:33.000 There's Adam and Eve with mushroom caps all around them. 0.99

01:27:36.000 I mean, it is the fucking forbidden fruit. 0.98

01:27:38.000 And it's been squashed, because if you take that, that's a direct link, I feel, to God. 0.99

01:27:43.000 I'm both a spiritual person and kind of a deistic believer in the universal God force.

01:27:49.000 So you take away mushrooms, and then you insert people, and people get to absolve you of your sins.

01:27:55.000 It gives them power.

01:27:56.000 You build them giant structures.

01:27:57.000 They get to wield money, power.

01:28:00.000 And if you look at the history of the Catholic Church, women as well, especially in the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, I wonder how much of that is true because there's a lot of speculation about where they lost the way and what it was really all about.

01:28:20.000 I wonder how much they let the common people know about it even back then.

01:28:24.000 Maybe it was something that the elite found out about it and they tried to protect the information even from the common folk.

01:28:31.000 But there also might have been a question of climate change, too.

01:28:33.000 Terence McKenna had some ideas about that, and he thought that with global climate change, which is very cyclical, happens all the time, a lot of times the climate will be inhospitable for mushrooms.

01:28:45.000 It changes.

01:28:46.000 So instead of getting mushrooms all the time, now they can't get them anymore.

01:28:49.000 And so then the culture completely changes and becomes more of an alcohol-based culture.

01:28:54.000 It starts off, they start using preserved mushrooms in honey because we know they've been preserving things in honey for thousands and thousands of years.

01:29:02.000 And then you deal with fermentation because honey can become a psychoactive substance on its own.

01:29:07.000 It can become mead when it becomes fermented.

01:29:09.000 It becomes like an alcohol.

01:29:11.000 And so then they go into an alcohol culture, and then before you know it, the mushroom ideas are gone. 0.99

01:29:16.000 All the love and all your fellow man, that shit's out the window, and now everyone's just drunk and raping. 0.99

01:29:25.000 You know? 1.00

01:29:26.000 It's interesting. 0.99

01:29:26.000 It's fascinating shit, man. 0.99

01:29:28.000 It really is. 0.99

01:29:28.000 You always got to wonder, how did we get to be who we are now? 0.99

01:29:32.000 What was it like?

01:29:34.000 Could you imagine if you could go to 1400 BC and just go hang around England and see what the fuck was going on in France and see how people were living in Europe? 0.87

01:29:44.000 How trippy would that be, man? 0.97

01:29:46.000 That'd be crazy.

01:29:46.000 Woo!

01:29:48.000 That would be the strangest fucking thing. 0.99

01:29:50.000 To be able to go back in time, even just in an invisible, impenetrable capsule. 0.99

01:29:55.000 You could just stand there in an invisible phone booth in the middle of a town, and you get to watch.

01:30:02.000 And they can't walk through the phone booth.

01:30:04.000 It looks like a tree.

01:30:05.000 They can't touch it.

01:30:06.000 I've always been fascinated by that moment before battle, where you have an axe, or you choose between an axe, a morning star, and a sword.

01:30:16.000 And you're like, what am I going to use that's going to maybe make me survive?

01:30:20.000 How good is my armor?

01:30:21.000 Not as good as that dude's, but I'm a rocket anyways. 1.00

01:30:24.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:30:24.000 And just feel that. 1.00

01:30:26.000 I mean, MMA gets an approximation of that.

01:30:29.000 And that's, I think, why people love it so much.

01:30:31.000 Because it's the closest we got.

01:30:33.000 But it pales in comparison to that.

01:30:35.000 To that moment.

01:30:37.000 You're with all of the people in your country. 1.00

01:30:38.000 And perhaps the horde that's coming is going to rape your girl. 1.00

01:30:42.000 Kill your children. 1.00

01:30:43.000 Put them into slavery. 1.00

01:30:45.000 Smash their head on rocks. 1.00

01:30:46.000 And you got it. 1.00

01:30:46.000 You just got to fucking hold the ground. 1.00

01:30:49.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:30:49.000 You know, like, how is that? 0.99

01:30:51.000 You know, I mean, we don't even know what that's about.

01:30:53.000 We have no idea.

01:30:54.000 No.

01:30:54.000 And they did that forever.

01:30:56.000 Forever.

01:30:57.000 Forever.

01:30:57.000 I mean, that was such a part of the human, you know, birthright.

01:31:01.000 But how much of that shit is still in our genes? 1.00

01:31:03.000 And how do you shut that shit off? 1.00

01:31:05.000 All of it. 1.00

01:31:05.000 Yeah, right? 1.00

01:31:06.000 Yeah.

01:31:06.000 The human hardware is so retro.

01:31:08.000 It still goes on, though.

01:31:09.000 Like, any war, you're doing the same thing.

01:31:11.000 Like, what kind of missiles does this guy have?

01:31:13.000 Of course it goes on.

01:31:13.000 The war is different now.

01:31:15.000 Yeah, it's totally different.

01:31:16.000 You know, it's so impersonal.

01:31:18.000 You know, with the guns.

01:31:19.000 I've seen Call of Duty.

01:31:20.000 I mean, yeah, it's intense.

01:31:21.000 And our soldiers are certainly brave.

01:31:22.000 Brian just said, have you seen Call of Duty while two wars are going on overseas?

01:31:27.000 Right, right.

01:31:27.000 Well, that means, like...

01:31:28.000 Have you seen Call of Duty?

01:31:28.000 That means it's all ground game.

01:31:30.000 The game is pretty much ground game.

01:31:31.000 Is that what's going on now?

01:31:32.000 A lot of explosions and stuff like that.

01:31:34.000 That's still going on for sure.

01:31:35.000 That is going on.

01:31:36.000 You know what else is going on?

01:31:37.000 Drones.

01:31:38.000 Drones are allowed to go into places we're not even really at war with.

01:31:41.000 Like in Pakistan, we're not really supposed to be at war in Pakistan.

01:31:45.000 But we got spaceships that are working on remote control from Nevada.

01:31:51.000 They're remote controlling them from Nevada and jacking dudes in Pakistan from the air. 0.98

01:31:58.000 They probably have iPhone apps for controlling.

01:32:00.000 Just tilt it, man.

01:32:02.000 You can tilt it. 1.00

01:32:02.000 Destroy that person by just hitting. 1.00

01:32:04.000 Well, dude, it's like that movie.

01:32:06.000 Do you remember that movie where the dude got really good at that video game and then the aliens came and recruited him?

01:32:12.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:32:12.000 Remember that shit? 0.99

01:32:14.000 Remember that shit? 1.00

01:32:15.000 Star something? 1.00

01:32:17.000 Starfighter?

01:32:18.000 Was that it?

01:32:19.000 Starfighter.

01:32:19.000 I just remember because his name was Rogan.

01:32:21.000 His name was Alex Rogan.

01:32:23.000 Alex Rogan.

01:32:24.000 And, you know, dude, I mean, they're doing that with kids that get really good at video games, man.

01:32:28.000 Kids get real good at video games.

01:32:29.000 The Army has video games.

01:32:29.000 You guys are awesome.

01:32:30.000 The Army has video games.

01:32:31.000 High score!

01:32:32.000 And then people burst in your door.

01:32:33.000 Why wouldn't you, man?

01:32:34.000 Excuse me, son.

01:32:35.000 Jeff, have you thought about this?

01:32:36.000 The Army has a video game that's tracked, so they can track the top guys.

01:32:40.000 I bet those top guys get knocks on the door once in a while.

01:32:43.000 Would you like a million dollars?

01:32:45.000 Could you imagine?

01:32:45.000 You weigh like 80 pounds, and you're in your underwear.

01:32:47.000 You're like, I don't like killing things for real.

01:32:49.000 I just like to play your game.

01:32:50.000 Can I go back to playing your game?

01:32:52.000 You're some poor little 13-year-old, like, five more years, you can join us.

01:32:56.000 You can play that game for a living.

01:32:57.000 What do you think, pal?

01:32:58.000 What do you think? 1.00

01:32:59.000 Get you all the hookers you want. 1.00

01:33:01.000 Take some poor fucking kid who's just awesome at the Army game. 1.00

01:33:05.000 It's scary to remove that personal side to killing. 1.00

01:33:09.000 It's just a totally different paradigm.

01:33:11.000 We were talking before the show about these guys that have been caught in Afghanistan that are U.S. soldiers that have been killing civilians and taking home little trophies.

01:33:18.000 They've been playing like a game.

01:33:20.000 Just jacking people and killing people. 0.99

01:33:23.000 They get too used to killing people, man. 0.99

01:33:25.000 Too used to killing people and too used to being in a place where everyone resents you and they don't want you to be there.

01:33:33.000 I always...

01:33:34.000 For the longest time, I always would look at politicians and go, how much say do they really have? 0.99

01:33:41.000 How much say does a president really have in what the fuck is going on over there? 0.97

01:33:45.000 Or is he just a dude with a job, just like all of us? 1.00

01:33:48.000 Is it just all bullshit once you get in there? 1.00

01:33:50.000 And I used to look at Bush when Bush was in Iraq, and I used to say, is this motherfucker responsible for all these people dying? 1.00

01:33:57.000 Is he responsible for all this talk about weapons of mass destruction? 0.99

01:34:01.000 Or is he just some dude who's got to do this job?

01:34:04.000 And I remember when he was standing in front of those people and that dude took off his shoes and threw them at him. 0.99

01:34:09.000 Do you remember that shit? 0.99

01:34:10.000 I remember that. 1.00

01:34:11.000 And he ducked and then the dude threw it again and he ducked again and he had a little half smile on his face.

01:34:16.000 And I'm like, that guy's just a spokesman.

01:34:19.000 That's what I got out of that.

01:34:20.000 I looked at that and I'm like, that is just a dude with a very difficult job that's not all that bright and has some ideals and got stuck in this situation. 1.00

01:34:30.000 Yeah, he's got to say we're going to war, but there's a machine behind that motherfucker. 1.00

01:34:34.000 He's not running shit. 1.00

01:34:35.000 Right. 1.00

01:34:36.000 I'm looking at him ducking those shoes, smiling.

01:34:39.000 I'm like, that guy doesn't have a care in the world.

01:34:41.000 He's not worrying about what happened in Iraq.

01:34:44.000 No, he's just an employee.

01:34:45.000 Perhaps it's not his responsibility, really.

01:34:47.000 Is it?

01:34:48.000 I don't know.

01:34:49.000 Who knows?

01:34:50.000 I think Alex Jones would have a theory on that.

01:34:53.000 That was my favorite part of the whole Bush administration was when that dude threw his shoes.

01:34:57.000 It was the first time I liked him.

01:34:59.000 The first time I liked Bush, I would get angry. 1.00

01:35:01.000 I'm like, this motherfucker's just making up words and all this bullshit. 1.00

01:35:03.000 Then I thought about it. 1.00

01:35:04.000 I'm like, that guy probably gets like four hours sleep a night.

01:35:06.000 What would I be saying if I was speaking to all these people?

01:35:08.000 I'd be making up words, too.

01:35:10.000 I'd be stumbling. 0.98

01:35:11.000 I would fuck my words up. 1.00

01:35:12.000 Everybody fucks up. 0.99

01:35:13.000 You know, Obama said something about there being 48 states. 1.00

01:35:16.000 I mean, he fucked up the states when he was running. 0.98

01:35:19.000 You know, people fuck things up all the time. 0.97

01:35:20.000 You're not thinking.

01:35:21.000 You're tired all the time.

01:35:22.000 You're on this campaign trail. 1.00

01:35:24.000 He's not running shit. 1.00

01:35:25.000 I learned. 1.00

01:35:26.000 So you like Bush?

01:35:27.000 No.

01:35:28.000 I mean, he's probably alright.

01:35:29.000 He's probably not a bad guy.

01:35:31.000 Everybody's like, he's the demon. 0.99

01:35:32.000 He's the devil.

01:35:34.000 I bet they believe that you're really a president until they get in there.

01:35:39.000 I think once you get in there, they open up these doors and you get to see the gears of the universe run.

01:35:45.000 You get to see the gears of our whole system and the fucking, well, if we stop the war, we don't have the oil and society's going to fall apart and we're getting to a point of overpopulation.

01:35:55.000 That's why we need these feedback camps and we have to make sure that if something goes down, we have enough caskets. 0.68

01:36:00.000 Whoa.

01:36:01.000 Mm-hmm.

01:36:02.000 Now about you cutting taxes. 1.00

01:36:03.000 Oh, fuck all that. 1.00

01:36:04.000 Yeah, fuck all that. 1.00

01:36:05.000 Fuck all that. 1.00

01:36:06.000 Exactly. 1.00

01:36:06.000 We're going to need some money, dude. 1.00

01:36:07.000 We're going to need some money. 0.98

01:36:08.000 We've got some shit going on. 0.98

01:36:08.000 We've got to come up with an alternative fuel. 0.98

01:36:10.000 We have exactly two years worth of fuel left, and then people start eating people, okay? 0.97

01:36:15.000 What the fuck happens when you get in there, man? 0.97

01:36:19.000 Yeah, I was a big supporter. 0.99

01:36:21.000 I was a big Obama fan.

01:36:22.000 I thought, you know, maybe I don't...

01:36:23.000 I'm a Libertarian, so I'm not Republican or Democrat, but I thought, this dude is smart.

01:36:28.000 He can hoop.

01:36:29.000 He's got a good family, it looks like.

01:36:31.000 Right.

01:36:31.000 He'll get in there.

01:36:32.000 Yeah.

01:36:33.000 He can play a little basketball.

01:36:34.000 Hey, you say that?

01:36:35.000 I appreciate it.

01:36:36.000 I saw him play pool.

01:36:37.000 I go, this guy's got a little bit of a stroke.

01:36:39.000 A little bit of a stroke.

01:36:40.000 Obama can get out. 0.99

01:36:42.000 You leave four balls on the table, Obama might get out on you, man. 0.97

01:36:45.000 I played Halo Reach with him. 0.98

01:36:47.000 He's a regular dude.

01:36:48.000 That's what I want. 1.00

01:36:49.000 I don't want some fucking child blood-sucking dragon like Dick Cheney in office. 1.00

01:36:54.000 Dick Cheney can't play pool. 1.00

01:36:56.000 He's too busy killing people.

01:36:57.000 You think Dick Cheney ever learned how to play basketball?

01:36:59.000 No, his heart explodes when he tries to tie his shoes.

01:37:02.000 The guy's had 150 heart attacks. 1.00

01:37:04.000 He ain't playing shit with you, and he's got no sense of humor. 0.99

01:37:08.000 I can recognize him and relate to him more than anyone that has ever been president before. 0.99

01:37:14.000 I was like, well, here's a guy who's only a few years older than me, and he seems like a normal dude. 0.99

01:37:19.000 Kanye West, he calls him a jackass. 0.97

01:37:21.000 I'm like, yeah... 1.00

01:37:22.000 Fuck yeah! 1.00

01:37:23.000 When he kisses his wife, it's like, oh yeah, he kissed his wife. 1.00

01:37:26.000 Probably like that bullshit. 1.00

01:37:27.000 Was it Quail that tried to do that? 1.00

01:37:29.000 Or was it Carrie?

01:37:30.000 I don't know who was one of them.

01:37:32.000 All of them.

01:37:32.000 Edwards is my favorite.

01:37:34.000 That fucking swarmy douchebag. 1.00

01:37:37.000 Busted! 1.00

01:37:37.000 You cunt. 1.00

01:37:38.000 You fucking fake cunt. 1.00

01:37:40.000 It's all of them, man. 1.00

01:37:42.000 It's impossible to be honest.

01:37:45.000 It's impossible to do it.

01:37:47.000 They won't let you get in. 1.00

01:37:48.000 You gotta be full of shit to get in. 1.00

01:37:51.000 I thought Obama was the first guy that wasn't full of shit. 1.00

01:37:53.000 I thought, well, he seems like I can take a chance with him. 1.00

01:37:56.000 I was backing him.

01:37:57.000 I don't think he can do anything. 1.00

01:37:58.000 I think you get in and it's just a fuck. 1.00

01:38:00.000 I think he's just stalemated. 1.00

01:38:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:38:02.000 You get in and it's just like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:38:06.000 Lobbyists and fucking Congress and this and that and layers and red tape and chaos and war and heroin. 1.00

01:38:14.000 Heroin. 1.00

01:38:15.000 Heroin. 1.00

01:38:16.000 Heroin coming in by the fucking boatload. 1.00

01:38:19.000 What's heroin doing? 1.00

01:38:20.000 It's just like the Afghanis need to make a profit. 1.00

01:38:22.000 In other words, support this war. 0.70

01:38:24.000 We were talking about that on the Alex Jones show.

01:38:26.000 We were talking about that before the show. 0.99

01:38:27.000 There was a Geraldo Rivera was in Afghanistan talking to this fucking soldier. 0.99

01:38:32.000 This guy who has a family who is supposed to be defending his country. 0.99

01:38:36.000 And meanwhile, where is he?

01:38:37.000 He's in the poppy fields.

01:38:39.000 Protecting the poppy fields for the Afghani farmers because in order for the Afghani farmers to support the fact that we're over in Afghanistan dropping bombs on your moms, we have to get this guy's approval and we have to allow them to keep producing their illegal crop of heroin. 0.99

01:38:55.000 So we have American soldiers that are guarding Afghanistan heroin so that we can go over there and blow shit up. 0.99

01:39:04.000 Whoa! 1.00

01:39:06.000 Goddamn! 0.99

01:39:08.000 What do you do if you're Obama? 0.99

01:39:09.000 What do you do? 0.99

01:39:09.000 What the fuck are you going to do? 0.99

01:39:10.000 How are you going to fix that? 1.00

01:39:11.000 It's tough, but I think they figured out that his approval ratings were dropping as the economy was tightening up, and so they're like, oh, fuck it. 0.95

01:39:19.000 Let's just push some more money out into the system. 0.99

01:39:21.000 Push the ball up, and then it's working.

01:39:23.000 If I thought that heroin was helping the economy, I'd say sell that heroin. 1.00

01:39:27.000 Who the fuck is buying heroin? 1.00

01:39:29.000 Retards. 1.00

01:39:30.000 Why is oil still, at least in California and most states right now, still cheaper than it was five years ago? 0.99

01:39:38.000 You mean when Bush was leaving office and they had a fucking grab? 0.97

01:39:43.000 That's what it was. 0.99

01:39:43.000 It was an evil money grab. 0.99

01:39:44.000 Don't you think right now it should be ridiculously high, especially after that spill and stuff like that?

01:39:49.000 Well, did you just realize, or just hear rather, they underestimated Iraqis' oil reserve by 25%?

01:39:55.000 There's 25% more oil in Iraq than they thought there was. 1.00

01:39:59.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

01:40:00.000 Party on! 1.00

01:40:01.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

01:40:01.000 Gonna get that call that sign! 1.00

01:40:03.000 Fuck a V8! You know, listen, man. 1.00

01:40:06.000 Who the fuck knows? 1.00

01:40:07.000 I think they just jacked up all the prices so they can pay for new plasmas on top of all the fucking oil. 1.00

01:40:14.000 Have you gone to, like, the gas station? 0.99

01:40:16.000 There's, like, nice plasma TVs and everything like that.

01:40:19.000 I'm like, where does this come from?

01:40:20.000 Oh yeah, five dollars a gallon last year, you know?

01:40:23.000 I wonder actually how that works.

01:40:25.000 I think actually how it works is, I mean, they're all in bed together, obviously.

01:40:31.000 But I believe it's the distributors that set the price.

01:40:34.000 And then these oil companies, like there's a place up the street, it's owned by these Hindus that I go to.

01:40:40.000 And they have like the OM on the door.

01:40:42.000 I'm like, this is the oddest place ever.

01:40:44.000 They sell weed pipes there.

01:40:45.000 They sell weed pipes and incense at the counter.

01:40:48.000 I'm like, this is the oddest place ever.

01:40:49.000 You guys sell petrochemicals.

01:40:52.000 You sell the real problem, the reason why we're in war, the reason why we pollute, and it's all coming out of this hole right here.

01:40:59.000 Meanwhile, you got the ohm at the door.

01:41:01.000 So I don't think it's them setting the price that are putting the plasmas.

01:41:04.000 I think it's the companies that sell it to them.

01:41:06.000 You know, it's all very complicated.

01:41:08.000 Free market speculation handles a lot of that.

01:41:10.000 I mean, when oil price was dropping, there was big deflationary pressures at the same time.

01:41:14.000 Gold prices were dropping.

01:41:15.000 Things were priced because nobody had any money.

01:41:17.000 The speculators weren't able to buy the gold.

01:41:19.000 They were pulling their assets back out into cash, etc.

01:41:22.000 But now things are a little bit looser, and these commodities have value.

01:41:25.000 They're more worried about inflation now because Obama's pushing, you know, just shoving money into the system.

01:41:30.000 Right.

01:41:30.000 So in an inflationary time, then these commodities have value.

01:41:35.000 So now we're seeing oil rising.

01:41:36.000 We're seeing gold pushing to $1,300.

01:41:37.000 Right.

01:41:37.000 But what was the big – there was one big jump where it went up to like $5 a gallon.

01:41:42.000 What was the cause of that?

01:41:43.000 I think at that point, it was a massive inflationary concern that there was just – Really?

01:41:49.000 That money was going to lose its value.

01:41:50.000 Right.

01:41:51.000 And that caused the oil to go up in price?

01:41:54.000 Yeah.

01:41:54.000 When it goes up a barrel, does anybody know?

01:41:56.000 You don't know either, do you?

01:41:57.000 Brian has no idea.

01:42:00.000 Brian will tell you it's ninjas.

01:42:02.000 It's ninjas at the price in Japan on friendly dolphins.

01:42:06.000 There are certain supply and demand factors involved in the oil as well, specifically, but on a macro level, it's all about generally inflation and deflation.

01:42:16.000 It just seemed very suspicious to me that it was the end of the Bush administration, an administration that was clearly under the influence of big oil.

01:42:22.000 And then at the very end of the administration, everything just gets jacked up to the roof.

01:42:27.000 It was to pay his tab, you know?

01:42:29.000 It was to redline.

01:42:31.000 They were going to redline as much money out of the system as they could until the new administration came into play.

01:42:37.000 How much control does the president or the administration really have on how that kind of stuff works?

01:42:42.000 Do they have any?

01:42:44.000 It's all got to be set up. 0.99

01:42:45.000 There's no way they're going to let some new dude come in every four years and just rerun shit. 0.97

01:42:49.000 Why would we do that? 0.88

01:42:51.000 The career guys at the very top of the heap, they've already...

01:42:54.000 We got this.

01:42:57.000 Well, OPEC supposedly sets how much available reserves there are and kind of does that.

01:43:01.000 But how much is it?

01:43:02.000 You know, all of that is some speculation.

01:43:04.000 Who knows how much they know and what they're doing.

01:43:06.000 But it's an interesting game with a lot of money at stake. 0.99

01:43:09.000 When you have that much money at stake, you could be fucking sure that people are trying to figure out a way to fuck it. 0.97

01:43:15.000 It's pretty amazing what it's done, though, because if it wasn't for oil, there would be no plastic, there'd be no computers, there'd be no nothing. 0.99

01:43:22.000 All the shit that we make today, everything. 0.95

01:43:24.000 No fleshlights. 1.00

01:43:25.000 No fleshlights.

01:43:26.000 It's true.

01:43:27.000 Fleshlight is actually made out of oil. 1.00

01:43:29.000 This shit has to come out of the ground as oil before you can fuck it. 1.00

01:43:33.000 Mostly mineral oil, food-grade mineral oil. 1.00

01:43:35.000 Sure it's not made out of heaven, Joe.

01:43:37.000 It's the primary component.

01:43:38.000 And food-grade mineral oil comes out of the ground, right?

01:43:41.000 Just like oil.

01:43:43.000 Where does mineral oil come from?

01:43:45.000 I think it actually might.

01:43:48.000 Does it come from minerals?

01:43:51.000 I should probably know that.

01:43:52.000 It doesn't come from fish.

01:43:53.000 Can you make a flashlight out of fish oil?

01:43:55.000 That would be nasty. 0.57

01:43:56.000 That would be more realistic. 1.00

01:43:58.000 Dirty fucking yeasty flashlight. 1.00

01:44:01.000 Maybe some dudes just miss stinky pussy. 1.00

01:44:03.000 The only time they got laid is by sluts and just drunk pigs and didn't wash their snatch. 1.00

01:44:08.000 And that's what they just get me a hat on. 1.00

01:44:10.000 I gotta smell it a little.

01:44:13.000 There's a product that came out actually called Vulva.

01:44:16.000 And what they've done, they sell it for $40.

01:44:18.000 I'm gagging already.

01:44:19.000 They sell it for $40. 1.00

01:44:20.000 And it's like a little perfume vial that supposedly smells like pussy. 1.00

01:44:24.000 No, it doesn't. 1.00

01:44:24.000 Yes, it does. 1.00

01:44:25.000 So, obviously, being in the business, we ordered some.

01:44:29.000 And we passed it around to smell.

01:44:31.000 And it doesn't quite get there, but what it kind of smells like is like...

01:44:35.000 A cat box?

01:44:36.000 No, it's way closer than that. 0.98

01:44:39.000 It's like post-condom sweaty sex. 1.00

01:44:44.000 Sweat and rubber and funk and dick cheese. 1.00

01:44:48.000 Like this? 0.90

01:44:49.000 Like this? 1.00

01:44:54.000 Oh, why would anybody want to sell stinky pussy smell? 1.00

01:44:58.000 I don't know. 1.00

01:44:59.000 We used to scent ours with the nice vanilla scent, but now all fleshlights come on scent. 0.94

01:45:04.000 I always wonder how much of fart porn is just for show.

01:45:08.000 How much of dudes who are... 0.98

01:45:09.000 Oh, I think it's definitely for show. 1.00

01:45:11.000 Girls who are farting in dudes' mouths and they're beating off and shit. 1.00

01:45:14.000 What is that? 1.00

01:45:14.000 Is that for show or is that just dudes who are really over the deep end? 1.00

01:45:19.000 What is that?

01:45:21.000 You know, I think with all these fetishes...

01:45:24.000 Someone out there likes it, for sure.

01:45:25.000 At least one guy out there loves everything.

01:45:27.000 You know what I think it is? 1.00

01:45:28.000 I think all of these fetishes, whether they're feet or whether it's shit, I think someone's mommy was like, that's disgusting! 1.00

01:45:34.000 Don't you ever fart! 1.00

01:45:35.000 And they just hammer them with this repression.

01:45:37.000 And this repression gets all twisted up. 0.86

01:45:40.000 And then all of a sudden, all they want to do to get a boner is fart on somebody. 0.98

01:45:43.000 Because they've been told by their mother so many times, farting is disgusting. 0.98

01:45:47.000 Don't ever fart.

01:45:48.000 And I think it's the same with feet. 0.96

01:45:49.000 Like, hide your dirty feet. 0.98

01:45:50.000 Your dirty feet, they stink, blah, blah, blah. 0.90

01:45:53.000 And really kind of Victorian parents are doing that. 0.99

01:45:57.000 And all of a sudden, all they want to do is see someone getting jerked off by a girl's feet. 0.99

01:46:00.000 So what's your fetish? 0.99

01:46:02.000 You know, I don't have one, really.

01:46:04.000 What's yours, Brian?

01:46:05.000 Hot girl.

01:46:05.000 I don't know.

01:46:06.000 My beautiful girlfriend, maybe.

01:46:10.000 What's yours, Brian?

01:46:11.000 Do you have a fetish?

01:46:12.000 Oh, I have a lot of fetishes.

01:46:13.000 Really?

01:46:13.000 Yeah, totally.

01:46:14.000 Like what? 0.97

01:46:15.000 Definitely boobs bite out. 1.00

01:46:16.000 Well, that's not a fetish. 0.99

01:46:16.000 That's called being a dude. 0.99

01:46:18.000 No. 1.00

01:46:18.000 Every guy's in his boobs. 1.00

01:46:20.000 I'm not really. 0.99

01:46:21.000 No?

01:46:21.000 You don't care about them at all?

01:46:22.000 No, I'm really a butt guy. 0.98

01:46:24.000 You're a butt guy? 0.99

01:46:25.000 Butt is definitely more important. 0.99

01:46:26.000 I appreciate what they do to the feminine form. 1.00

01:46:29.000 I can aesthetically value them, but as a sexual object, very low on the list.

01:46:34.000 Yeah, I agree. 0.99

01:46:35.000 Well, I don't say they're low on the list, but they do not compare it to the ass. 1.00

01:46:38.000 The ass is critical. 0.99

01:46:40.000 It's very important. 1.00

01:46:40.000 Because a girl can have a tremendous ass and really be like an A-cup, and she's hot as fuck. 1.00

01:46:45.000 It doesn't matter. 1.00

01:46:46.000 You look at that ass, you're like, God damn. 1.00

01:46:48.000 But a girl with big tits and a really flat ass is just like... 1.00

01:46:51.000 If the butt had nipples, I would agree. 1.00

01:46:54.000 If an ass had nipples, I would agree. 1.00

01:46:56.000 Could you imagine, though, if an ass had nipples? 1.00

01:46:58.000 If an ass had nipples, you would agree that you don't want a flat one? 1.00

01:47:04.000 No, I'm just saying for fetishes, if you combine boob and ass, that would be like the best. 1.00

01:47:07.000 You're trying to do a mashup? 1.00

01:47:08.000 Yeah, I want to mashup that shit. 1.00

01:47:10.000 Doing a fetish mashup? 1.00

01:47:11.000 The remix?

The Joe Rogan Experience - October 05, 2010

Joe Rogan Experience #46 - Chris Aubrey Marcus (Part 1)

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript