The Joe Rogan Experience - October 09, 2010


Joe Rogan Experience #47 - Michael Schiavello


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 20 minutes

Words per Minute

220.8624

Word Count

17,842

Sentence Count

1,833

Misogynist Sentences

130


Summary

On this episode of the podcast, we have a special guest on the show, Michael Chiavello. Michael is a mixed martial arts commentator for the UFC and has been with the organization for a long time. We talk about how he got into the sport, what it's like to be on the road with the UFC, and how he prepares for a fight night. We also talk about some of the things he does to prepare for his role as a commentator for UFC Fight Night in Saitama, Japan. Finally, we talk about the new Fleshlight, and what it s like to work at Sengoku, Japan's largest sex shop. We end the show with a Q&A with the guys at the end of the show. This episode is sponsored by The Fleshlight. It's the only sponsor I have for the show and it's a good one. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE on Apple Podcasts and leave us a rating and review! We appreciate all the support we get from you! Thank you so much for all the love and support, we really appreciate it. XOXO. -The Voice. Michael and The Voice Mike Chiaveski - The Voice Podcast The Voice is a production of The Voice, LLC. Music: "The Voice" by The Voice (feat. The Voice) and The Message (The Message) - "The Message" by & The Message Music by The Message, LLC (featuring The Message Network, Inc. and the Message Network ( ) Logo by , , and . is a work of The Message Podcast, LLC., and The Message and , with , featuring The Message , LLC., and & , is a proud supporter of the Voice, Inc., in partnership with The Message. , Inc., Inc., LLC., is produced by . . , LLC, , & etc., , in partnership, with the Message, Inc, LLC, and . , , etc., and all other , from , we are a proud partner in the Voice Podcast, and all of our sponsors, . Thank you for all of your support, Thank You, Thank You for all your continued support, and all your support is appreciated!


Transcript

00:00:03.000 Ladies and gentlemen, we are live!
00:00:06.000 Live on the podcast with The Voice!
00:00:09.000 Yeah, baby!
00:00:10.000 Michael Chiavello, a meeting of the minds, ladies and gentlemen, to mixed martial arts connoisseurs, if you will, together on a podcast.
00:00:18.000 Sponsored, by the way, by The Fleshlight, as always.
00:00:20.000 Now they have a new Avatar version out.
00:00:22.000 It's not really Avatar.
00:00:23.000 They can't say Avatar, but you know what you're fucking.
00:00:25.000 It's blue.
00:00:26.000 It's a blue vagina.
00:00:27.000 These are like they've got in Tokyo.
00:00:28.000 They're called Tengas over there.
00:00:30.000 They're huge sellers at Don Quixote stores.
00:00:32.000 Really?
00:00:32.000 Which, for us mixed martial arts fans, Don Quixote is also the major sponsor of Sengoku.
00:00:36.000 Really?
00:00:37.000 What is Don Quixote?
00:00:38.000 It's a store.
00:00:39.000 No, it's a store where you can buy everything from fashion to food to fucking sex shit like this.
00:00:45.000 And they sell these things called Tenga.
00:00:47.000 It's similar to this, but a bit smaller because the Japanese have really small cocks.
00:00:50.000 Sorry to all of our Japanese fans, but you do.
00:00:52.000 Rude.
00:00:53.000 How rude.
00:00:54.000 And yeah, the guys buy these things, tingers, and they rip the leaves off, and they fuck them.
00:00:57.000 Well, this is the only sponsor I have for the show.
00:01:01.000 Well, I've done a couple other ones, but, you know, in the MP3 versions.
00:01:05.000 But this...
00:01:07.000 This company was sponsored by a guy whose wife was pregnant, and he couldn't fuck her, obviously.
00:01:12.000 Oh, so he invented something to fuck?
00:01:14.000 Came up with something to fuck, and now he's rich.
00:01:16.000 I mean, it's like his own personal, like, they came up with all these patents for what makes it feel the most like a pussy.
00:01:22.000 It's really fantastic shit, like, if you feel it.
00:01:24.000 I'm not feeling you fucking stuck your cock in there, man.
00:01:26.000 No, I didn't.
00:01:26.000 I wouldn't do that to you.
00:01:27.000 Promise me you've not stuck the rogue and fucking schlonger in there.
00:01:30.000 I have not done that.
00:01:31.000 I would not do that to you.
00:01:32.000 I would only give you a clean one.
00:01:34.000 Oh, you spit and two-fingered it.
00:01:36.000 Ooh, I feel dirty.
00:01:37.000 Damn.
00:01:38.000 Yeah, it's pretty cool.
00:01:39.000 It's nice, man.
00:01:39.000 Well, you know what I like the most about it, though?
00:01:41.000 That there's been a bunch of controversy about it.
00:01:43.000 I think Mayhem stuck his talking there, dude, when he was doing the podcast.
00:01:45.000 He wasn't here.
00:01:46.000 He just got this.
00:01:46.000 I just got this last week.
00:01:48.000 Damn.
00:01:48.000 Mayhem touched one.
00:01:49.000 I might have given him one.
00:01:50.000 I'll give you one if you want.
00:01:51.000 I got some extra.
00:01:52.000 That's right, I got my girlfriend here.
00:01:54.000 Shazam!
00:01:55.000 I know what you're saying, man.
00:01:57.000 It's everything, right?
00:01:58.000 Lonely times, brother.
00:01:59.000 Lonely times on the road.
00:02:00.000 Cantaloupes in the microwave.
00:02:02.000 You know, I only discovered like 12 months ago that the Japanese toilets all shoot water into your ass.
00:02:09.000 So I haven't wiped my ass in Japan for the last 10 months because it shoots water in your ass and cleans your ass out.
00:02:14.000 But!
00:02:14.000 That's really the way to do it.
00:02:16.000 It's the way to go.
00:02:17.000 And the seat warms and the seat tilts from side to side.
00:02:19.000 But if you shift back a little bit more, it goes from your ass and shoots onto your balls.
00:02:24.000 So the Japanese toilets can fondle your balls while you're lonely nights on the road and get your balls fondled and get the moisturized out.
00:02:31.000 So that's what you do?
00:02:32.000 I fondle my balls senseless, man, all on the road.
00:02:35.000 That's how I prepare for fight commentary.
00:02:37.000 How do you prepare?
00:02:38.000 Do you prepare?
00:02:40.000 You know almost everything there is to know about all these guys that are fighting.
00:02:44.000 One of the things that I appreciate about you is, just like me, if you weren't doing this, you would still be watching it just as much.
00:02:50.000 Still, man.
00:02:51.000 Lucky I'm a fan.
00:02:52.000 He's over here tonight, so we're going to watch Strikeforce.
00:02:54.000 Yeah.
00:02:55.000 We're buddies.
00:02:55.000 We met in Edmonton, and we hung out in Australia, and now he's over at my house, and we're going to watch the fight tonight.
00:03:01.000 Yeah, yeah, I can't wait.
00:03:02.000 But man, the only thing I like to do before I commentate is I just like listening to music, man.
00:03:07.000 I listen to music.
00:03:08.000 I don't talk very much.
00:03:11.000 Last year we drove to Dynamite, which from the hotel to go to Saitama in Tokyo is like a 50-minute drive.
00:03:16.000 And in the cab was like me and Irene and one of our producers.
00:03:20.000 And I said to both of them, I go, you two talk to each other because I put these headphones on and just don't talk to anyone.
00:03:25.000 Wow.
00:03:26.000 Just chill out, man.
00:03:27.000 Just like to be in a good state of mind when you get in there.
00:03:30.000 Just in a good state of mind.
00:03:31.000 Dude, I play some cheesy-ass songs.
00:03:33.000 Like seriously, if you saw the 10 songs I play before I go on air, there's cheesy ass fucking- Like what?
00:03:38.000 What do you got?
00:03:38.000 Dude, I got everything from the theme from- Joe Esposito theme from Karate Kid, You're the Best Around, right?
00:03:45.000 You know that one?
00:03:46.000 To like the theme from fucking Grease.
00:03:49.000 Like songs from the musical Grease.
00:03:51.000 Really?
00:03:52.000 Yeah, weird shit, dude.
00:03:53.000 What's that about?
00:03:53.000 And that gets you excited?
00:03:54.000 For real?
00:03:55.000 Oh, like the hand jive.
00:03:56.000 The Grease hand jive song?
00:03:58.000 Really?
00:03:58.000 I'm going to do the hand jive, baby.
00:04:01.000 That one, right?
00:04:02.000 I'm like, I'm about to go on air and come and take K1 and dream.
00:04:05.000 I'm like, hand jive.
00:04:06.000 That would drive me crazy.
00:04:08.000 No, man.
00:04:08.000 Fucking Grease.
00:04:09.000 One Man's Poison.
00:04:10.000 Yeah.
00:04:11.000 I fucking love it.
00:04:12.000 That's it.
00:04:13.000 I make sure I'm well prepared.
00:04:14.000 I do my research and all that sort of shit, but I know most of the guys anyway.
00:04:18.000 I like some bad music.
00:04:19.000 What do you like?
00:04:20.000 I like some country music that's terrible.
00:04:22.000 Really?
00:04:22.000 Yeah.
00:04:23.000 I could have been a cowboy.
00:04:25.000 You know that song?
00:04:26.000 I like that song.
00:04:27.000 Country music?
00:04:28.000 Seriously?
00:04:28.000 I like some dumb Toby Keith style country music.
00:04:32.000 Damn, that shit's evil, man.
00:04:34.000 I like good country music, too.
00:04:36.000 I like Hank Williams Jr. I like that Matt Hughes song, Country Boy Can't Survive.
00:04:40.000 Oh, yeah.
00:04:41.000 I fucking love that song.
00:04:42.000 That's a goddamn jam.
00:04:43.000 I used to like R&B, man, but now it shits me.
00:04:46.000 You know what?
00:04:46.000 Everyone is too gangster.
00:04:47.000 R&B is just...
00:04:48.000 At the end of the day, some guys, I'm going to say, I'm going to fuck him.
00:04:51.000 I'm going to pop a cap.
00:04:52.000 This motherfucker...
00:04:53.000 Oh, you can't get gangster in R&B. Dude, you sing.
00:04:56.000 Yeah.
00:04:57.000 You're a singer for a living.
00:04:58.000 Yeah.
00:04:59.000 Do you know what would have happened to me if I told my dad when I was six years old, Daddy, I want to be a singer?
00:05:04.000 He would have fucking, get out on the street.
00:05:06.000 Well, they don't like to think of themselves as being, that's a feminine thing, so they overcompensate.
00:05:12.000 They sing for a fucking living.
00:05:14.000 But rapping's not singing, right?
00:05:15.000 Rapping's sort of, Rapping is just fast talking to music, dude.
00:05:18.000 It's more shit talk.
00:05:19.000 It's fast talking.
00:05:20.000 It's just shit talk.
00:05:21.000 It's like, I hate everybody.
00:05:22.000 There's like a rhythm to it, so it is kind of musical, but I like old R&B. I love Marvin Gaye.
00:05:29.000 That motherfucker just had a voice, man.
00:05:32.000 But I don't like the new stuff because I don't believe them.
00:05:35.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:05:36.000 Like R. Kelly.
00:05:38.000 I love R. Kelly just because it's funny.
00:05:40.000 Just because it's so ridiculous.
00:05:42.000 Bitch, I wish you would burn my motherfucking clothes.
00:05:47.000 He sings that.
00:05:49.000 I mean, the shit that he sings is like a ghetto conversation and he just puts it to a song.
00:05:54.000 I can appreciate that.
00:05:55.000 And every second word is...
00:05:57.000 I don't know, it's like a bad word, a taboo word, like nigger, you know?
00:06:00.000 We don't have that in Australia.
00:06:02.000 You don't call anyone that.
00:06:03.000 There's hardly any black people in Australia.
00:06:05.000 But every second word...
00:06:05.000 So that word doesn't even exist?
00:06:07.000 No, we wouldn't say it.
00:06:08.000 Really?
00:06:09.000 No.
00:06:09.000 So it's like Americans calling someone an abo?
00:06:13.000 Abbo.
00:06:14.000 Aborigine.
00:06:14.000 Aborigine, yeah.
00:06:15.000 See, abbo is a bad word.
00:06:16.000 It doesn't exist over here.
00:06:17.000 You call someone, hey, you fucking abbo, and they'll go, okay, what?
00:06:20.000 If I call a black guy in America an abbo, he goes, abbo, what's that?
00:06:23.000 If I call him a nigger, he's going to kill me.
00:06:25.000 But if you call an aborigine an abbo, it's the same thing as calling him a nigger?
00:06:28.000 Forget it.
00:06:28.000 They'll pour petrol on you and set you on fire.
00:06:30.000 Whoa!
00:06:31.000 But I don't understand.
00:06:32.000 But that's just a short version of aborigine.
00:06:35.000 Yo, you've got to turn that shit off, son.
00:06:36.000 Dismiss alarm.
00:06:37.000 I don't know why it's on it like...
00:06:38.000 5 in the afternoon.
00:06:39.000 It's time to get your balls folded by the toilet.
00:06:41.000 You got that shit out of the clock, you sick fuck.
00:06:43.000 But you're right.
00:06:44.000 It's an abbreviation.
00:06:45.000 It's like, if you're Jewish and I say you're Jew, nothing wrong with that.
00:06:49.000 Aboriginal, abbo.
00:06:51.000 Italian, itai.
00:06:52.000 There's nothing wrong with that, man.
00:06:54.000 Australian, Aussie.
00:06:55.000 Yeah, what's wrong with that?
00:06:56.000 But abos hate being called abos.
00:06:58.000 I made a statement once saying the Japs have created some insane shit.
00:07:01.000 And this guy goes, do you know how racist that is that you just said that?
00:07:03.000 I'm like, what?
00:07:04.000 No, but the thing is...
00:07:05.000 We were talking about NSXs.
00:07:06.000 We were talking about engineering, like Japanese race car engineering.
00:07:09.000 Like, they've invented some incredible shit.
00:07:11.000 Their cars are so reliable.
00:07:12.000 And so I said, the Japs have invented some incredible shit.
00:07:15.000 This guy's like, do you know how racist that is?
00:07:16.000 Dude, I had this argument last year with someone, because I called someone a Jap back home.
00:07:20.000 And it's like the World War II alliance thing that it's racist to call Jap.
00:07:26.000 And I've gone...
00:07:26.000 We've got to get past that.
00:07:27.000 I've been working around Japanese people for...
00:07:29.000 For years.
00:07:30.000 And I'm sure I've called them Jap to their face and they don't mind.
00:07:33.000 And my mate's like, dude, that's so fucking racist.
00:07:35.000 It's just wrong.
00:07:36.000 You can't say Jap.
00:07:37.000 So I went to Japan and I asked my producer.
00:07:39.000 I said, dude, if I call you a Jap, are you offended?
00:07:41.000 He goes, no, it's short for Japanese.
00:07:43.000 I go, no offense.
00:07:44.000 You don't fucking start thinking Pearl Harbor and, you know, nuclear bombs on Hiroshima.
00:07:49.000 But people thought the Nips was far too offensive.
00:07:51.000 But Nippon!
00:07:53.000 That's how the Japanese say Japan.
00:07:56.000 They don't say Japan.
00:07:57.000 They say Nippons.
00:07:58.000 Some people are retarded, man.
00:07:59.000 It's a strange thing where people don't want to step on people's toes over nonsense.
00:08:02.000 An abbreviation of a name is bad.
00:08:06.000 Intent is the only thing that's bad.
00:08:08.000 Intent.
00:08:08.000 It's all in...
00:08:09.000 How do you feel like...
00:08:10.000 When you say, these Japs are fucking badass, they make some cool shit.
00:08:13.000 Or do you say, these Japs, these little tiny cocky yellow motherfuckers coming over here to fuck all the white women and take all the land and you start getting angry?
00:08:20.000 Well, then Japs is a bad thing.
00:08:22.000 But it's the intent behind it that's bad.
00:08:24.000 It's an abbreviation, man.
00:08:25.000 That's what it is.
00:08:26.000 It's an abbreviation.
00:08:27.000 People are always looking for a reason to be pissed off.
00:08:30.000 People are so pissed off just about life itself, about traffic and bullshit and bills and the constant monotony of work.
00:08:36.000 Everybody has a fucking opinion this day, man.
00:08:39.000 Why can't some people just shut the fuck up?
00:08:42.000 Like the fucking cocksuckers I read on the internet sometimes.
00:08:46.000 It's like, what qualifies you to have a fucking opinion that I should pay attention for?
00:08:51.000 Are you sitting behind your website fucking getting paid to put your opinion on there?
00:08:56.000 No!
00:08:56.000 Well, even the ones who are, there's a lot of websites out there.
00:08:59.000 There's a lot of bloggers, in my opinion, that aren't nearly as good as some of the commentary guys who post on like mixedmartialarts.com.
00:09:06.000 There's some fucking intelligent guys that I've been reading their posts for years, and I know that if there's a post about anything serious, well, this guy, if he posts something about it, this is going to be an interesting opinion.
00:09:16.000 I want to read this.
00:09:17.000 But how many writers can you say that about?
00:09:19.000 How many MMA writers?
00:09:20.000 Very few, man.
00:09:21.000 I think there's more talented people on forums.
00:09:23.000 No, the other thing with MMA writers is they are blinded to anything outside of the UFC. And I love the UFC because I'm a fucking huge MMA fan.
00:09:31.000 I don't think Josh Gross is.
00:09:32.000 Josh Gross is pretty open.
00:09:33.000 Josh, one of the rare ones.
00:09:34.000 There's a few that aren't, but a lot of them are blinded to anything that is not UFC. They might be scared.
00:09:39.000 Yeah.
00:09:39.000 They might be scared.
00:09:39.000 They're scared they're going to be yanked their credentials from Dana.
00:09:42.000 You know what I mean?
00:09:43.000 Fucking careful with Dana.
00:09:44.000 Dana doesn't play.
00:09:45.000 I know, it's creepy.
00:09:47.000 But a lot of them don't even know anything about martial arts, bro.
00:09:49.000 You could not sit down and have a conversation about martial arts with them.
00:09:54.000 Dana is so competitive that he does have this environment where he feels like they should pay attention to the UFC first, and then if they don't, he's not very happy with that.
00:10:04.000 UFC is the one.
00:10:05.000 It's the promotion.
00:10:06.000 It is the one you're going to pay attention to first and foremost.
00:10:09.000 That attitude and pushing it like that is the reason why this fucking sport is gigantic.
00:10:12.000 The reason why it's going to Australia.
00:10:14.000 He's not lazy.
00:10:16.000 He's taking on all fronts.
00:10:19.000 So it's tough for journalists in that sense.
00:10:23.000 But there are some fucking talented guys out there.
00:10:26.000 Like Josh Gross is a talented journalist.
00:10:29.000 And he's honest about shit.
00:10:31.000 Sometimes he's a little hypercritical.
00:10:32.000 Sometimes guys get critical about dudes' abilities and characters, and they try to say something bitchy, because if someone puts in a bad performance, they feel like it's their job to be critical and to be shitty and bitter.
00:10:45.000 But it's like you've got nothing better to fucking write about.
00:10:47.000 I... I did the K-1 show last...
00:10:49.000 Here's a perfect point of view.
00:10:51.000 What do you say about a Krokop and a Muir fight?
00:10:54.000 When Krokop and Muir fight, man, there's not a lot of positive things to say.
00:10:57.000 The positive thing to say is the end of the fight, of course, Frank Muir landed a perfect knee and put Krokop away and then finished him, jumped all over him.
00:11:04.000 So that's the good thing to say.
00:11:06.000 But for everything up before that, what could a writer say?
00:11:09.000 So they just start going off about just the worst...
00:11:13.000 Possible shit that they could think of, you know, what's wrong with Frank Mir and how, you know, he's got this attitude and Crow Cop should hang it up and they'll just write the most bitter fucked up shit.
00:11:23.000 I think the human drama is far more compelling than the real drama of that fight.
00:11:27.000 That was a strange fight, man.
00:11:29.000 The thing along with that fight, though, it's like they liked each other or something.
00:11:33.000 Mirko came out and he said, even if I lose, I'm not going to get cut from UFC. So when I read that, I'm like, I don't want to fucking see this fight.
00:11:39.000 Did he say that?
00:11:39.000 He came out and said at one of the websites, like Mirko says, even if I lose, I can't get cut.
00:11:44.000 If that's the case, I don't want to fucking watch that fight, man.
00:11:46.000 Because already I know that you've got that in the back of your head.
00:11:49.000 I'm not sure if he really said that.
00:11:51.000 His words were maybe misconstrued.
00:11:53.000 It could be taken out of context.
00:11:54.000 If you lose this fight, do you think you'll be kicked out of the UFC? I hope not.
00:11:58.000 Mirko says he won't be kicked out of the UFC if he loses this fight.
00:12:01.000 Journalism sometimes is that bad.
00:12:03.000 Yeah, it's misconstrued.
00:12:04.000 It'll be misconceived.
00:12:05.000 Exactly.
00:12:05.000 And then it's reported the wrong way.
00:12:06.000 I read some shit that I supposedly said, and I was like, I didn't say it like that.
00:12:09.000 You know, you're missing what I'm saying.
00:12:11.000 That has been the big difference, bro, between commentating outside of America and then recently coming onto the American scene.
00:12:17.000 It's like you get people that sit there and watch the broadcast and analyze every fucking word and pause and breath you take and then dissect it down to the nitty gritty of mine.
00:12:28.000 It's bad and it's negative, but I also think it's good.
00:12:31.000 For me, personally, it's good.
00:12:33.000 I've learned a lot from shitty people online saying shitty things.
00:12:38.000 Because, you know, worst case scenario, what can they attack you on?
00:12:42.000 Is there any validity in this total piece of shit who's saying terrible things about you?
00:12:46.000 But, do they have a point?
00:12:47.000 And if they do have a point, then you can snatch victory from all their negative bullshit by using whatever they're saying and improving it.
00:12:55.000 In a way, if you use it positively, it acts as a watchdog for your own abilities and your own appearances on air.
00:13:00.000 I love to do that to total cunts, though.
00:13:02.000 I get personal freedom out of reading the shittiest, nastiest things that I know just some desperate, angry fuckhead says.
00:13:09.000 And turning it into a positive thing for me.
00:13:11.000 Like, I have this little game that I play with.
00:13:13.000 Because it's very difficult to do.
00:13:14.000 No, man.
00:13:14.000 I want to do, like, silent Bob and Jay style.
00:13:17.000 Like, hunt the fuckers down.
00:13:19.000 You get mad?
00:13:20.000 When you read shit about yourself, do you get mad?
00:13:22.000 Nah, you get used to it, man.
00:13:23.000 You know, it's like...
00:13:24.000 And I tend not to read a lot of it.
00:13:26.000 Because it's like, what am I going to do?
00:13:27.000 Sit there and read it and go, wow, I'm so super and fantastic.
00:13:31.000 Because people are giving you these compliments.
00:13:32.000 And then you read people that will bag you...
00:13:35.000 Why?
00:13:35.000 Well, it's good to know that people are enjoying what you do.
00:13:38.000 It's good to know.
00:13:39.000 It's good to know and to connect with them.
00:13:40.000 I saw you did that recently on the underground.
00:13:42.000 You made a post.
00:13:43.000 Yeah, my first time on the underground.
00:13:44.000 Dude, there's plenty of cool people on there.
00:13:47.000 I post on there all the time.
00:13:49.000 There's plenty of cool people there.
00:13:50.000 There's going to be douchebags no matter what.
00:13:52.000 When you have anonymous screen names and people can say anything they want, whenever you have that situation, there's going to be douchebags.
00:13:57.000 It's just sad though, man.
00:13:57.000 It's totally unbelievable.
00:13:59.000 Sure Dog, which has got some great posts, but also some ludicrally fucking ridiculous bullfuckers on there.
00:14:04.000 And so many pro fighters that I know and so many media guys just won't post on sites like that anymore because of the reason that people just attack and attack like fucking...
00:14:14.000 Piranhas, man!
00:14:16.000 A lot of hateful fucks out there.
00:14:18.000 A lot of hateful fucks out there.
00:14:19.000 But it's a fascinating thing, man, because we're finally getting to see that.
00:14:22.000 Everyone gets to see that now.
00:14:23.000 It used to be you never got to see that if you were a star.
00:14:26.000 Stars, I think, just 20 years ago were much more likely to believe in their own bullshit.
00:14:33.000 Yeah.
00:14:35.000 Yeah, man.
00:14:36.000 Back then, they never saw shit.
00:14:38.000 And if it got in a magazine, they approved it.
00:14:40.000 If it got in a newspaper, it had to be like big news, like Roman Polanski type news to make it in the newspaper.
00:14:45.000 But now, man, they're all up in your shit every day.
00:14:48.000 Man, everything is just taken apart and dissected.
00:14:50.000 Twitter, I'm getting used to Twitter.
00:14:51.000 I went Twitter's not big in Australia, dude.
00:14:53.000 Really?
00:14:53.000 There are two people in Australia who know about Twitter.
00:14:56.000 No one twitters.
00:14:56.000 Everyone's on fucking Facebook.
00:14:58.000 Oh, really?
00:14:58.000 No one twitters in Australia.
00:14:59.000 Some people are still stuck on MySpace.
00:15:01.000 Well, Twitter and Facebook on mine are connected.
00:15:03.000 So if I send something on Twitter, it goes to Facebook.
00:15:07.000 It says it there, too.
00:15:08.000 Dude, I so don't know about technology.
00:15:09.000 Your house is like fucking NASA in here, man.
00:15:11.000 You have more shuttles and shit.
00:15:14.000 I'm a technology junkie.
00:15:15.000 Dude, unbelievable.
00:15:16.000 I'm fascinated by what's going on with technology right now.
00:15:19.000 And man, can you seriously live any higher up on a fucking mountain or whatever?
00:15:22.000 I did, man.
00:15:22.000 When I was living in Colorado.
00:15:23.000 Look at a nosebleed drying up here, man.
00:15:25.000 Dude, this ain't shit.
00:15:26.000 This is civilization compared to where I was living.
00:15:29.000 I was living eight miles down a dirt road on the top of a mountain in Boulder.
00:15:34.000 Fuck.
00:15:34.000 Man, this is fire.
00:15:35.000 That's where I like to live.
00:15:36.000 I like to live up and above so that when, like, waves of water or waves of retards...
00:15:41.000 When the apocalypse comes and they come and...
00:15:42.000 Yeah, either waves of water or waves of retards, you see them coming up the hill.
00:15:46.000 I just like being away.
00:15:48.000 I think I'm very sensitive to people's energy and people's thoughts and their lives and their bullshit, so I like to be as...
00:15:55.000 When I sleep and when I'm at home and when I'm writing, when I'm by myself, I like to be as far away from people as possible.
00:16:00.000 Man, it's cool, because all the houses here are different.
00:16:02.000 They're not all the same.
00:16:03.000 And other guarded communities I've seen here in the States, because we don't have guarded communities in Oz, the houses look all the same, though.
00:16:09.000 And up here, they're all different.
00:16:10.000 And on the guard gate, there's two guards.
00:16:12.000 How's this?
00:16:12.000 Two guards named Ralph.
00:16:14.000 At once, on duty.
00:16:16.000 I read the on-duty sign.
00:16:17.000 There's three of them.
00:16:17.000 Two of them are named Ralph.
00:16:20.000 When did you ever get two Ralphs together?
00:16:22.000 Maybe they're not even real, man.
00:16:23.000 Maybe it's a conspiracy.
00:16:24.000 It's like there's a rule, man, in the world, like those Coca-Cola inventors that had to be at least 50 feet apart from each other at all times.
00:16:30.000 Really?
00:16:31.000 It's like you never see two Ralphs in the same room.
00:16:32.000 Wait a minute.
00:16:32.000 What is this?
00:16:33.000 Coca-Cola inventors had to be 50 feet apart from each other?
00:16:36.000 Did you ever hear that urban legend as a kid?
00:16:37.000 No.
00:16:38.000 Like the inventors of Coca-Cola or the inventors of KFC, Kentucky Fried Chicken, with the secret recipe that they carry around on them all the time must at least be 50 feet apart.
00:16:47.000 So if one of them dies, the other one survives.
00:16:48.000 So if one of them dies, the other one survives.
00:16:50.000 Wow.
00:16:51.000 Could you imagine if a recipe was that valuable?
00:16:53.000 The KFC? Secret 11 Herbs and Spices!
00:16:56.000 LAUGHTER Nothing will fuck up your KFC appetite like watching one of those PETA videos.
00:17:02.000 I love fucking children's urban legends, man.
00:17:05.000 That's what I told you about, about being a black belt when the kid said to me in grade five, we're talking about martial arts, and he's like, you can't be any more than a third damn black belt in Australia, or you've got to get out of the country because you're then a lethal weapon and have a license to kill.
00:17:19.000 That's hilarious.
00:17:20.000 And I'm like, I believed that for years, man.
00:17:22.000 I would probably believe it, too.
00:17:23.000 I believe it.
00:17:24.000 Wow, you just can't get too deadly, I guess.
00:17:26.000 Yeah.
00:17:28.000 Speaking about urban legends, do you get the same ones that we do here?
00:17:32.000 Did you guys get the Richard Gere gerbil rumor?
00:17:35.000 Oh, in the ass?
00:17:35.000 Yes.
00:17:36.000 I didn't get that, man, because we didn't know what gerbils were, because we call them, I think it's what we call guinea pig in Australia.
00:17:43.000 No, we have guinea pigs too.
00:17:44.000 Guinea pigs are much bigger though.
00:17:46.000 What's a gerbil?
00:17:47.000 It's like a rat.
00:17:47.000 It's almost like a mouse.
00:17:49.000 Now, people genuinely stick mice up their ass.
00:17:52.000 Look, if you've thought of it, someone's put it up their ass.
00:17:55.000 That's a fact.
00:17:56.000 And I knew about this.
00:17:57.000 I didn't want to know about this, but I knew about my buddy Steve Graham, who is a friend of mine from back when I was like 15 years old and still good friends.
00:18:05.000 He's a doctor, and he did his residency in Miami, and he got to see everything.
00:18:10.000 And this dude used to tell me about gunshot wounds, and every day they'd be pulling some new thing out of a dude's ass.
00:18:16.000 Dr. Nick Nicoletu back in Melbourne.
00:18:18.000 So a doctor friend of mine.
00:18:19.000 Great doctor to go to dinner with because he'll tell you ass stories for hours.
00:18:22.000 He pulled a working dildo.
00:18:25.000 The dildo was still on.
00:18:26.000 In a guy's colon, it was lodged.
00:18:28.000 It went so far fucking up his inside.
00:18:31.000 And he had to milk it out of the guy's fucking colon and shoot it out of his ass.
00:18:35.000 And the dildo was still on.
00:18:37.000 Some other guy went in there and had a fucking brim, a fish up his ass.
00:18:41.000 A brim!
00:18:43.000 Fucking brim up his ass.
00:18:44.000 The thing that shocked my friend the most was glass.
00:18:46.000 He said a lot of them have glass up their ass.
00:18:49.000 They'll stick bottles and jars and the jars break.
00:18:52.000 Oh no, the freakiest one from what Dr. Nick told me was, it wasn't about ass, it was two gay guys that came to see him.
00:18:58.000 No, one gay guy came to see him and he had a problem with his cock.
00:19:01.000 His cock had all this puss and shit coming out of it.
00:19:03.000 Oh my lord.
00:19:04.000 So Dr. Nick's had a look at his cock, you know, he's gone...
00:19:07.000 I just don't know what I'm seeing here, dude.
00:19:09.000 It's like, what have you been doing?
00:19:11.000 What would the reason for this be?
00:19:13.000 So the gay guy proceeded to tell him, he thought, well, this might be the reason.
00:19:17.000 What him and his gay lover were doing, they were getting thin pieces of piping like this, right?
00:19:23.000 Long pipes.
00:19:24.000 He would stick it into his urethra and then connect the other end to his gay lover's urethra and then they would piss back and forth.
00:19:33.000 They would piss between their cocks.
00:19:35.000 So he was pissing into his lover's cock and then his lover pissing back into his cock.
00:19:40.000 And he's gone into the doctor saying, Doc, my cock's going to fucking pass over it.
00:19:44.000 Why?
00:19:45.000 And Dr. Nick's like, why the fuck do you think you are sharing urine with another human being you do?
00:19:50.000 With a metal through your dick.
00:19:53.000 It's probably the metal rod through the dick that fucked him up more than the piss.
00:19:56.000 Pissing back and forth.
00:19:57.000 His piss is basically sterile.
00:19:59.000 Oh, and what was the other story he told me about this fat chick that came in one day?
00:20:03.000 Like, mega fat.
00:20:05.000 Like, you know, what's eating Gilbert Grape, that fucking big fat chick?
00:20:08.000 500 pounds.
00:20:08.000 Yeah, huge.
00:20:09.000 What do you guys use?
00:20:10.000 Kilos?
00:20:10.000 Kilos.
00:20:11.000 So she'd be like 280 kilos.
00:20:13.000 Like Akebono size.
00:20:15.000 500 pounds sounds better though.
00:20:17.000 Yeah, 500 pounds.
00:20:17.000 That's like Yokozuna size, man.
00:20:19.000 Kilos are just too big a year.
00:20:20.000 So let's say this fucking gargantuan behemoth comes in.
00:20:24.000 Right.
00:20:24.000 And she came in...
00:20:26.000 And she'd stuck her tampon too far up her pussy.
00:20:28.000 So she asked Dr. Nick to get it out.
00:20:30.000 So he had to get the fucking pliers, the tongs, and go in this girl's fucking cavern, right?
00:20:34.000 She got through all the fat in her thighs, and pull out her tampon.
00:20:38.000 She came back the next month with the very same problem.
00:20:41.000 And she was coming back for four months in a row with the same problem of sticking her tampon too far up her cunt to be able to pull it out.
00:20:48.000 So eventually Dr. Nick realised that when he was...
00:20:51.000 Because he'd never looked her in the face.
00:20:52.000 Because you don't look her in the face when you're pulling shit out of her tampon.
00:20:55.000 This time he had an inkling.
00:20:57.000 So he's like...
00:20:58.000 He's sticking tongs up her pussy.
00:21:00.000 And because this girl's a fucking animal, a fucking beached whale, no one's ever going to touch her vag.
00:21:04.000 Right.
00:21:05.000 Clit's probably never been touched since she was born.
00:21:06.000 So that felt good to her.
00:21:08.000 So for her, he's going inside.
00:21:09.000 She's like...
00:21:11.000 Like that.
00:21:12.000 Oh my god.
00:21:13.000 And he realizes, he's realized that she's been coming in.
00:21:16.000 Stuffing tampons up her pussy so that he'll go get them.
00:21:18.000 So who'd go fucking fish in there and get the tampons out?
00:21:20.000 See, for a girl like that, there should be a place where you go where guys will just finger you.
00:21:24.000 I'm all for that.
00:21:25.000 You know, when I talk about being for prostitution, I'm all for dudes doing it too.
00:21:30.000 I'm for dudes eating girls' pussies and fingering them.
00:21:32.000 This is what gets me though, bro.
00:21:33.000 I never understood what the big deal is about getting a handjob.
00:21:37.000 You know, you get a massage sometimes.
00:21:38.000 What if you're a girl, though?
00:21:39.000 It's way more of a big deal for a girl.
00:21:41.000 What I'm saying for girls is that would be a sweet spot for them, like a store, where they could just go and get fingered.
00:21:46.000 And there's like a hole in the wall, and our hands could just go through and just change the clits.
00:21:49.000 You don't have to go out with some dude just because you need sex.
00:21:52.000 You can just fucking be all right.
00:21:54.000 You can get it when you really want it.
00:21:55.000 Get into a relationship that you really appreciate.
00:21:57.000 Nice, clean, sterilized hand.
00:21:58.000 A little bit of clitoral stimulation during your lunch break.
00:22:01.000 Probably takes 10 minutes.
00:22:03.000 Listerine kills all the germs every time.
00:22:05.000 You're done.
00:22:06.000 Back to a high-powered afternoon in the office.
00:22:08.000 Yeah, I mean, come on.
00:22:09.000 Let that guy eat your box and just finger-bang you.
00:22:11.000 You feel so much better.
00:22:14.000 So we all know what Joe Rogan is doing when he retires from UFC commentary.
00:22:18.000 No, no.
00:22:18.000 Setting up the world's first chain of self-fingering sell-offs.
00:22:21.000 We need more progress in this world before the world's ready to accept my ideas, sir.
00:22:25.000 True.
00:22:26.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:22:27.000 Finger-banging stations.
00:22:28.000 Bring in the hole in the wall where guys can just go and stick their junk in a fucking glory hole and get tossed off by some chick on the other side of the hole.
00:22:35.000 Yeah, what I suggested was...
00:22:37.000 There would be so much less frustration.
00:22:38.000 It would be like one of those things where you do confession.
00:22:42.000 What are those?
00:22:43.000 Yeah, like those...
00:22:44.000 What's that called?
00:22:46.000 Confessional?
00:22:46.000 Is that what it's called?
00:22:47.000 They go inside the professional, they kneel on a pew.
00:22:50.000 Okay.
00:22:50.000 So you're in this little phone booth type situation, and you have a monitor in front of you.
00:22:56.000 You can watch some porn.
00:22:56.000 Yep.
00:22:57.000 And she just sticks her hand through a hole in the wall.
00:22:59.000 Oh, even better.
00:23:00.000 You can even watch the monitor of the girl on the other side.
00:23:03.000 Mm-hmm.
00:23:04.000 Jerking you off.
00:23:05.000 Yeah, but what if she's gross?
00:23:06.000 Like, she doesn't even have to be good looking this way.
00:23:08.000 Yeah, that's true.
00:23:09.000 All she has to do is just be good at jerking dudes off.
00:23:11.000 That way you don't even have to see her.
00:23:12.000 Franchise coming.
00:23:13.000 The Rugger and Chevello House of Handjobs.
00:23:15.000 Watch porn.
00:23:15.000 House of Handjobs.
00:23:16.000 You don't even get to see what's happening below your waist.
00:23:19.000 Yeah, let's see.
00:23:19.000 She's a trained professional.
00:23:21.000 After 10 minutes, you're right.
00:23:22.000 The tension's gone.
00:23:23.000 The stress is gone.
00:23:24.000 And you're just ready for the day.
00:23:26.000 We can't handle that shit here in America.
00:23:28.000 We're a bunch of pussies.
00:23:29.000 We don't want it.
00:23:30.000 We don't want it.
00:23:31.000 We want people to be repressed.
00:23:33.000 We want people to just be non-sexual.
00:23:35.000 We want people to be a slave to whatever relationship they're in.
00:23:38.000 Dude, Americans are super paranoid, man.
00:23:41.000 If I was living here and watching your news every night, I would fucking be scared to look out my window.
00:23:46.000 You are in the United States of America.
00:23:48.000 You are right now in the balls of the dick that's fucking the world.
00:23:53.000 This is a crazy-ass place to live.
00:23:55.000 It is fucked, man.
00:23:57.000 It's fucked.
00:23:58.000 Seriously, everyone is paranoid.
00:24:00.000 There's too many people here.
00:24:01.000 News analyzes stuff far too much.
00:24:04.000 It's crazy, man.
00:24:05.000 Do you watch Fox News?
00:24:07.000 It's the worst.
00:24:08.000 It's from an Aussie, Rippin Murdoch.
00:24:11.000 That's the irony.
00:24:12.000 Yeah, it's fucked up.
00:24:13.000 I watch Fox News and just go, what the fuck?
00:24:17.000 It is too much.
00:24:18.000 Everyone is.
00:24:19.000 I mean, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, too.
00:24:22.000 They literally manifest their own war against the liberals.
00:24:26.000 It wasn't Fox News.
00:24:28.000 It was that whole thing about when Bush was voted in for the first time.
00:24:32.000 And Fox News did something about the voting polls.
00:24:35.000 You know when Bush beat Gore?
00:24:36.000 And Gore was actually the guy that won it, but Bush got in.
00:24:39.000 And Fox News had something to do with the way that they told voters that Bush had already won, but some votes somewhere hadn't been done or counted.
00:24:45.000 I don't fucking know how it works here in America.
00:24:47.000 Nobody knows how it works.
00:24:48.000 David Hick wrote something about it, man.
00:24:50.000 Okay.
00:24:50.000 David Hick wrote something about it in one of his books.
00:24:53.000 You know what I love?
00:24:53.000 I love when a politician gets busted for something sexual, anything deviant, anything sexual.
00:24:59.000 Fox always makes them a Democrat.
00:25:02.000 They do!
00:25:02.000 It's a long-running joke.
00:25:04.000 It's a long-running joke.
00:25:06.000 But if there's some guy, he gets caught, you know, fucking his babysitter or something like that.
00:25:11.000 It's a BAM! D, Vermont.
00:25:14.000 Even if the guy's a Republican, they always write him down as a Democrat.
00:25:18.000 If you're a politician, the sexual stuff you get caught for should just be the most dirtiest, fucking disgusting, depraved shit ever.
00:25:25.000 I mean, if you're going to go down as a politician, go down fucking in flames, man, with some depraved shit.
00:25:31.000 Do you remember that DC madam?
00:25:33.000 Do you know that story?
00:25:34.000 There's a DC madam who was running some chain in Washington, D.C., And she, you know, had all these high powered senators and congressmen, all these people on her On her list of, you know, Johns.
00:25:47.000 And she was going to release it.
00:25:48.000 And there was some fucking crazy attention.
00:25:52.000 She gave, you know, press conferences and the whole deal.
00:25:55.000 And then she committed suicide.
00:25:57.000 Oh, just conveniently committed suicide?
00:26:00.000 Just conveniently committed suicide.
00:26:01.000 And no one said a fucking thing.
00:26:04.000 No one said a thing.
00:26:06.000 No one was like, wait a minute.
00:26:07.000 Hold on.
00:26:09.000 Wait a minute.
00:26:09.000 You're telling me that this woman right now, getting more attention than ever, possibly set to make a million dollars, she's deciding to hang herself.
00:26:16.000 Oh, she hung herself?
00:26:17.000 Because I could just picture every politician in her book, like 40 of them, just cock-slapping her at once.
00:26:22.000 We could Google what they did to her, or what she supposedly did.
00:26:26.000 Definitely got cock-slapping her.
00:26:26.000 They killed her ass, dude.
00:26:28.000 Yeah.
00:26:28.000 They killed her ass.
00:26:29.000 My favorite one was, there was a story about one of the Enron whistleblowers who committed suicide by shooting himself in the head twice.
00:26:36.000 Yeah.
00:26:37.000 I'm not kidding, man.
00:26:38.000 I'm not kidding.
00:26:39.000 He shot himself in the head twice.
00:26:41.000 I wish I could remember the full details of the story, but that's what the coroner's report was, that he shot himself, which I guess is possible.
00:26:48.000 You could shoot yourself in the head and have fucked up, and you're still alive, but you're jacked.
00:26:52.000 Fight Club style, but...
00:26:53.000 And you know that you have...
00:26:54.000 Is that what they did in Fight Club?
00:26:56.000 Yeah, remember Ed Norton's character, like, blew off half his face.
00:26:58.000 Oh, that's right.
00:26:59.000 And, yeah.
00:27:00.000 I got bored with that movie once I found out he was two different guys.
00:27:02.000 Yeah, I was like, eh.
00:27:03.000 I was like, wait a minute, what?
00:27:04.000 So you're just faking it now?
00:27:07.000 Yeah.
00:27:08.000 So this guy wasn't even real?
00:27:10.000 Wait a minute, what the fuck did I watch then?
00:27:12.000 Dude, would you rather watch that or Piranha?
00:27:14.000 Piranha was pretty dumb.
00:27:15.000 Piranha was...
00:27:15.000 When the fish spat the cock out of its mouth?
00:27:19.000 Dude, Piranha was gross, man.
00:27:20.000 It was dumb as fuck, but if you're in the mood for a dumb as fuck movie, it was perfect.
00:27:24.000 When the chick got her face ripped off and the motor propeller and her hair was caught like...
00:27:27.000 That was nasty.
00:27:28.000 Like, fuck.
00:27:29.000 Fuck, man.
00:27:30.000 It was totally ridiculous, though.
00:27:31.000 I mean, it was the most ridiculous movie ever.
00:27:33.000 Insane.
00:27:34.000 Fucking insane.
00:27:34.000 I liked Jerry O'Connell's Girls Gone Wild.
00:27:37.000 Oh, awesome, right?
00:27:38.000 That was pretty cool.
00:27:39.000 Yeah.
00:27:39.000 Fucking awesome.
00:27:40.000 That's like, I mean, if there's anybody you can root for getting their dick eaten.
00:27:43.000 It's Jerry O'Connell.
00:27:44.000 I still liked him from Stand By Me, man.
00:27:46.000 No, not him.
00:27:47.000 You know, I'm saying a Girls Gone Wild guy.
00:27:48.000 Oh, Girls Gone Wild?
00:27:49.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:27:50.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:27:51.000 He played the character perfectly.
00:27:51.000 Dude, I was watching HDNet the other night.
00:27:55.000 That got some dirty shit on HDNet, man.
00:27:57.000 They do.
00:27:57.000 And they had this Girls Gone Wild thing.
00:27:59.000 And I was watching that Girls Gone Wild guy hanging out with those girls.
00:28:04.000 I'm like, that would be the saddest thing ever if that was your daughter.
00:28:10.000 If your daughter was hanging around with that dude, you're like, oh, shit.
00:28:13.000 Are you watching this?
00:28:15.000 You see what's going on?
00:28:16.000 This guy?
00:28:17.000 Really?
00:28:17.000 Really?
00:28:17.000 Can you imagine a dad watching you?
00:28:19.000 Yeah.
00:28:20.000 But he's even creepier to me than Hefner.
00:28:23.000 There's something super creepy about that.
00:28:25.000 See, I've been to Met Hefner.
00:28:25.000 I would love to go to the Playboy Mansion though, man.
00:28:27.000 I've been there.
00:28:28.000 It's not that big a deal.
00:28:29.000 It's just a house in the hills.
00:28:31.000 It's kind of like dated.
00:28:32.000 I mean, I guess it's like retro, but the grotto has like this old circuit box, this old phone.
00:28:38.000 I mean, it's a dope house.
00:28:39.000 It's a beautiful piece of land.
00:28:40.000 I'm not saying it's not.
00:28:41.000 I'm just saying when you get there, you're like, oh, this is just kind of a cool house in the hills.
00:28:46.000 It's just one of those things where everybody likes to put parties there.
00:28:48.000 And so that's what they kind of sell it as.
00:28:50.000 They have those fight nights there too, right?
00:28:52.000 Strikeforce has done it.
00:28:53.000 I've been to...
00:28:53.000 They had one a few weeks ago that was kickboxing and boxing.
00:28:56.000 Really?
00:28:56.000 Because Andrew Simon from HTN went to the party.
00:28:59.000 Well, in that way, it's kind of a cool place to go.
00:29:01.000 To go see something there, yeah, it's kind of cool.
00:29:03.000 But I've been to parties there before.
00:29:05.000 I guess they get crazy.
00:29:06.000 That's what...
00:29:07.000 Dude, tomorrow I go to New York for the first time.
00:29:09.000 Yeah?
00:29:09.000 I've never been to New York.
00:29:11.000 All the times I've been here to the US, I've never been to New York.
00:29:13.000 So tomorrow I go to New York for five nights, man.
00:29:15.000 When you drive up the West Side Highway and you just see the enormity of the city as it starts to rise in front of you, play Star Wars music while you're doing it.
00:29:24.000 For real.
00:29:24.000 Really?
00:29:25.000 Ask if you could drive in on the West Side Highway, if that's possible, and ask if you could play the Star Wars music.
00:29:31.000 Awesome.
00:29:32.000 The first time I drove there from Boston, I couldn't fucking believe how big it was.
00:29:42.000 Crazy.
00:29:42.000 The first time I was in the city...
00:29:43.000 Well, I went twice.
00:29:44.000 I went once for a karate tournament in Madison Square Garden back in 1982 or something like that.
00:29:50.000 You fought in it?
00:29:51.000 Yeah.
00:29:51.000 So you can say you fought at the Garden.
00:29:52.000 Yeah, there was a karate tournament there.
00:29:54.000 Yeah.
00:29:55.000 And then there was...
00:29:56.000 I think it might have been...
00:29:56.000 I don't know if it was...
00:29:57.000 There's like two parts to the Garden.
00:29:58.000 There's a smaller part and a bigger part.
00:30:00.000 I don't know how much space they had.
00:30:02.000 I was young.
00:30:03.000 I barely remember it.
00:30:04.000 But when I came back to do...
00:30:05.000 As a stand-up, I was...
00:30:07.000 You know, much more aware of what was going on.
00:30:09.000 And when I drove up, I drove up the West Side Highway and saw it for the first time.
00:30:13.000 I remember going, God damn!
00:30:16.000 How fucking big is this?
00:30:18.000 Like, why did they keep building here?
00:30:20.000 Have you been to Tokyo?
00:30:21.000 No.
00:30:21.000 You haven't been yet.
00:30:22.000 You're going to come with me to K1. And when you see Tokyo, it is fantastic.
00:30:25.000 It's fucking insane.
00:30:26.000 It's like that.
00:30:27.000 Tokyo can drive for 40 minutes or an hour and it's still built up.
00:30:32.000 Skyscrapers, they never fucking end.
00:30:34.000 You look out your window and all the way to the fucking horizon, all you see is concrete.
00:30:39.000 It is fucking...
00:30:40.000 Tokyo is insane.
00:30:42.000 Is it bigger than New York?
00:30:43.000 I think it's bigger land-wise.
00:30:44.000 Really?
00:30:45.000 Well, there's 30 million people in Tokyo.
00:30:47.000 30 million motherfuckers in Tokyo, man.
00:30:50.000 And still nobody jaywalks.
00:30:52.000 Can you imagine?
00:30:53.000 You've got Shibuya Crossing, the busiest crossing in the world, and fucking thousands upon thousands of people, but in Japan, no one jaywalks.
00:31:02.000 I've been walking to breakfast at 4 o'clock in the morning when I'm jet-lagged, 4, 4.30 in the morning, there's not a car in sight for fucking miles, and I'll be standing next to a businessman, and he still will not jaywalk.
00:31:15.000 Even at 4.30 in the morning, we'll wait for the little man to turn green.
00:31:20.000 Why is that?
00:31:21.000 They're fucking weird like zombies over there.
00:31:23.000 Everything is regimented.
00:31:25.000 On the streets, no one screams.
00:31:27.000 No one swears.
00:31:28.000 No one beeps their horns.
00:31:30.000 There's no graffiti.
00:31:31.000 Everyone smiles to each other.
00:31:33.000 Everyone is courteous to each other.
00:31:35.000 It is like a fucking mind-boggling, overly polite utopia if you're into that sort of thing.
00:31:41.000 If you could speak English, it'd be amazing if they spoke English.
00:31:46.000 It is insane.
00:31:47.000 The culture is insane.
00:31:48.000 At the fight shows, you've seen the fights.
00:31:50.000 Yeah, super.
00:31:51.000 Pin drop.
00:31:51.000 Yeah.
00:31:52.000 You can hear a pin drop.
00:31:53.000 60,000 people.
00:31:54.000 45,000 at Dynamite last year.
00:31:56.000 We used to do 80,000 for K1. 80,000.
00:31:59.000 56,000 when we were in Osaka.
00:32:00.000 Jesus Christ.
00:32:01.000 And still they appreciate moves and you get golf clap.
00:32:04.000 Wow.
00:32:04.000 You get a fucking golf clap.
00:32:06.000 It's an amazing culture, man.
00:32:08.000 The Tokyo experience, I want you to come with me one day, and you'll fucking love it.
00:32:11.000 Well, I would love to go see K1. I've always wanted to see K1 Grand Prix live.
00:32:15.000 I've always wanted to see that.
00:32:16.000 It's got to be.
00:32:17.000 I'm a big fan of it, and that's one of the reasons why I love HDNet fights.
00:32:21.000 It's like, fuck.
00:32:23.000 Finally, Mayhem and I were talking about it when we did Inside MMA. I saw that with the Cuban.
00:32:28.000 How good was Mark Cuban on that?
00:32:29.000 It was great.
00:32:30.000 We were talking about how it used to be.
00:32:32.000 If you wanted to watch K1, you had to get these fucking grainy VHS tapes or get some shit off the internet.
00:32:37.000 But now you can watch it in high def, you know?
00:32:39.000 It's fucking awesome.
00:32:41.000 It's scary watching some of that.
00:32:42.000 People don't know how exciting that is who don't know K1. You have no idea how fucking exciting it is.
00:32:45.000 You know, because most of what people like in the UFC is striking.
00:32:49.000 That's what the average person likes striking.
00:32:51.000 People boo when shit goes to the ground.
00:32:53.000 It happens all the time.
00:32:54.000 For those people that are just like, they just want to watch some violence, what the fuck is more violent than K1? And who the fuck is more violent than Alistair Overy, man?
00:33:02.000 God damn!
00:33:03.000 Scary!
00:33:04.000 Somebody in Cracked.com wrote that he looks like he was genetically engineered to fuck your girlfriend.
00:33:11.000 I'm pretty sure it was crack.com.
00:33:13.000 I hope I'm crediting the right people.
00:33:14.000 Oh, man.
00:33:15.000 That's exactly what he looks like.
00:33:16.000 Dude is fucking freaking.
00:33:17.000 Which leads me to the question now.
00:33:18.000 Because when we spoke last time on The Voice Versus, the whole rage then was Fedor versus Brock.
00:33:24.000 And we spoke a lot about Fedor versus Brock.
00:33:26.000 And you know, after Fedor losing to Verdum, that fight's lost its luster completely.
00:33:31.000 So now everyone is like, Overeem versus Brock.
00:33:34.000 Yeah.
00:33:35.000 Dude, what do you think, man?
00:33:35.000 I want to see Overeem versus Fedor, too.
00:33:38.000 I want to see that.
00:33:38.000 Alistair wants that fight.
00:33:41.000 Badly.
00:33:41.000 Like, he is all over.
00:33:42.000 We did The Voice versus Alistair Overeem.
00:33:45.000 We shot it in Korea.
00:33:46.000 And, man, he really wants to fight fight.
00:33:49.000 You know what?
00:33:50.000 Here's the thing with Alistair Overeem.
00:33:51.000 You gotta fucking take him down.
00:33:53.000 There's all that talk of standing.
00:33:54.000 There's all out the window now.
00:33:56.000 It used to be the guys could stand without Alistair.
00:33:58.000 Like, Chuck stood with him for a bit.
00:34:00.000 Chuck actually shot in for a takedown with him.
00:34:02.000 The problem with Al Star was always that he was trying to make 205. That was always the problem.
00:34:06.000 And he wasn't dedicated like he is now.
00:34:08.000 But once that motherfucker went up to heavyweight and started getting dedicated, he's scary as fuck.
00:34:12.000 But the thing is, last weekend he knocked out Ben Edwards.
00:34:15.000 Ben's an Aussie and I've been commentating him for like 6-7 years.
00:34:18.000 Overmatched.
00:34:18.000 Tough fucker though, right?
00:34:19.000 Tough fucker.
00:34:19.000 He's a very tough guy.
00:34:21.000 Alistair dropped him three times, but three clean shots.
00:34:25.000 And the thing is that usually Alistair would get away with a lot because of his strength and his size alone.
00:34:30.000 But now his technique is just superb, man.
00:34:34.000 And, you know, he was training in Thailand for like three weeks at the Golden Glory Gym in Thailand, doing proper Muay Thai training.
00:34:40.000 They've got the Thai trainers there helping them out.
00:34:42.000 And you can tell that he's just lifted his game to another fucking level.
00:34:46.000 Dude, he's spooky right now.
00:34:48.000 He's spooky.
00:34:49.000 His stand-up is spooky.
00:34:50.000 Yeah.
00:34:50.000 I love the fact that he goes back and forth, though.
00:34:52.000 I love the fact that he goes into MMA and back and forth.
00:34:54.000 To respect him, man.
00:34:55.000 Probably the only guy doing it at that high level.
00:34:57.000 No one else.
00:34:58.000 Of course, he's the highest level.
00:34:59.000 For sure.
00:35:00.000 No question.
00:35:01.000 There's no one even that compares to the level of K1 that he's achieved and the level of MMA. Because we've always had guys who say, oh, he's a really good striker.
00:35:09.000 And they are for MMA. But Alistar's a really good striker for K1. Exactly.
00:35:16.000 Dude, when he put it to Brett Rogers, I was like...
00:35:30.000 He threw him, man!
00:35:31.000 He fucking threw him!
00:35:33.000 It was that, but it was before he threw him, he was fucking him up on his feet.
00:35:38.000 He hit Brett Rogers with...
00:35:40.000 He ducked under a right hand and hit him with a leg kick and then popped out of the way.
00:35:44.000 And you could see the look on Rogers' face.
00:35:45.000 He was like...
00:35:46.000 Rogers was like, what the fuck am I doing here?
00:35:49.000 He was a jolt.
00:35:50.000 Yeah.
00:35:50.000 Oh, shit.
00:35:51.000 Like, you know, nobody ever kicked him like that before.
00:35:54.000 Dude, to me, it was just like, you know what?
00:35:55.000 I'll just bend over and you can fuck me in the ass because it's going to be less painful than the beating you're about to put on me.
00:36:00.000 That motherfucker just digs that shin into that meat.
00:36:03.000 Ba-boom!
00:36:04.000 Boom!
00:36:04.000 And there was that look on Roger's face.
00:36:07.000 Like, for a second, you saw this flash.
00:36:09.000 Like, god damn, he just got hit by lightning.
00:36:11.000 Fuck.
00:36:12.000 Alistair's a freak.
00:36:13.000 I hope he cleans up on the K1 Grand Prix.
00:36:15.000 That's a big problem to me that there's all these organizations.
00:36:18.000 If there was just the UFC... We would know who's the best!
00:36:22.000 But Alistair would not have gotten to become Alistair if it wasn't for fighting all these other organizations.
00:36:27.000 I mean, there's not enough fights in the UFC. There's not enough shows.
00:36:32.000 There's only so many shows.
00:36:33.000 We need other organizations.
00:36:35.000 But I just wish they could fucking just figure out a way to work it out where they get to fight each other.
00:36:40.000 Just all come together as friends forever.
00:36:41.000 For one night.
00:36:42.000 For one night.
00:36:43.000 The problem is...
00:36:44.000 And then maybe you and I could commentate together finally for once.
00:36:46.000 One night.
00:36:47.000 The problem is the UFC is such a much bigger name and they're worth so much more money and it would lend respectability to Strikeforce, which would build up the enemy.
00:36:56.000 You couldn't really do it, unfortunately, business-wise.
00:36:59.000 But fuck!
00:37:01.000 But yeah, let me tell you something, Brock, you know, Brock is like the perfect guy to like sell as like a heavyweight champion.
00:37:08.000 Oh, fuck it.
00:37:09.000 You know, the fucking skull tattoo, the giant head.
00:37:10.000 But you know what worried me, man, for Brock?
00:37:12.000 You think Brock fighting Alistair and the way that he turned on those punches from Karwin?
00:37:16.000 Oh my God, what if, yeah.
00:37:17.000 If that was Alistair?
00:37:18.000 And how about those knees?
00:37:20.000 No one's got knees like Alistair.
00:37:21.000 Alistair knees you into fucking Pluto.
00:37:23.000 The one he fucked Fujita with on New Year's Eve put Fujita into a mini coma.
00:37:28.000 Yeah, he was out for how long?
00:37:30.000 He was fucking out for 10 minutes at least.
00:37:32.000 Then they took him to hospital and he went into a mini coma at hospital.
00:37:36.000 He was fucked.
00:37:37.000 And Alistair said to me, because I said to him, I go, dude, do you ever feel any remorse for just fucking smashing people's faces and brains with those knees?
00:37:45.000 And he goes, yeah.
00:37:46.000 He goes, Fujita?
00:37:47.000 He goes, I actually felt really bad after I did it.
00:37:50.000 Wow.
00:37:50.000 I'm like, what about Teixeira, man?
00:37:51.000 You almost killed that fucker in the Grand Prix.
00:37:53.000 I thought Teixeira was dead.
00:37:55.000 He's like, yeah, Teixeira was harsh.
00:37:56.000 He goes, but Fujita, he actually was troubled by it.
00:37:59.000 He felt really sorry.
00:38:00.000 Well, I think it was because Fujita had already been knocked out and been stopped a few times.
00:38:05.000 And he was old.
00:38:06.000 He was a legend.
00:38:07.000 His body didn't look the same anymore.
00:38:10.000 His body clearly didn't look the same anymore.
00:38:12.000 He didn't look like an athlete anymore.
00:38:13.000 That was just fucking violent.
00:38:14.000 And remember when he fought James Thompson in Dream?
00:38:16.000 Yeah.
00:38:16.000 He does a standing guillotine.
00:38:18.000 Yep.
00:38:18.000 And he just said the muscles.
00:38:19.000 He just like...
00:38:20.000 He walks him back.
00:38:21.000 He's fucking tapped Vitor, man.
00:38:22.000 He tapped Vitor.
00:38:23.000 Fucking awesome.
00:38:24.000 Who else has tapped Vitor with a guillotine, you know?
00:38:27.000 Alistar's nasty, bro.
00:38:28.000 He's an animal, man.
00:38:29.000 He's a fucking animal.
00:38:29.000 He's nasty.
00:38:30.000 You know what?
00:38:31.000 Brock Lesnar versus Alistar would be a dream match, but Brock's got to get past Cain Velasquez.
00:38:35.000 Dude, that is ripe for...
00:38:38.000 I wouldn't call it an upset.
00:38:40.000 I was about to say it's ripe for an upset, but I don't call it an upset if Kane beats Brock.
00:38:44.000 Because Kane has all the weapons to be able to beat Brock, man.
00:38:48.000 Kane might be the motherfucker.
00:38:50.000 He might be the motherfucker.
00:38:51.000 I think Brock is a handful for any man on the planet.
00:38:55.000 He proved in that last fight that he's got a serious ability to overcome adversity and still gut it out and make it through.
00:39:03.000 He didn't tap.
00:39:04.000 He didn't freak out.
00:39:05.000 He covered himself up.
00:39:06.000 He protected himself.
00:39:07.000 And he was getting bombed on by, other than him, the biggest, strongest fucking guy in the division, who's definitely the best puncher in the division.
00:39:14.000 No one punches as hard as Carwin.
00:39:16.000 He's got wrecking balls.
00:39:18.000 He just dropped bumps.
00:39:19.000 So he got through all that, made it through that first round, and then came out and won it immediately into the second.
00:39:25.000 So he's overcome adversity.
00:39:27.000 He believes in himself.
00:39:27.000 He's a winner.
00:39:28.000 That's all well and good, though.
00:39:30.000 Cain Velasquez is a fucking storm.
00:39:32.000 Here's something that Bob Cook said.
00:39:34.000 They were talking about one of the fights.
00:39:37.000 Cain had just fucking...
00:39:38.000 I think it was Rothwell.
00:39:40.000 Just ran him over.
00:39:41.000 And he said, well, the thing with fighting Kane is you always think that you're just going to ride out the storm.
00:39:49.000 And he goes, but the storm doesn't end.
00:39:54.000 That is what that guy does when the storm doesn't end.
00:39:57.000 It's just punches and kicks and punches and kicks and fucking takedowns and punches and kicks and punches and kicks.
00:40:02.000 And you're like, where is this motherfucker getting all this cardio from?
00:40:05.000 And he does it all with power, man.
00:40:06.000 That's the scary thing.
00:40:07.000 It's all fucking with power.
00:40:08.000 And he doesn't fade, man.
00:40:10.000 He doesn't fade.
00:40:11.000 He comes out strong in the third.
00:40:12.000 When he molested Czech Congo, and that's what that match was.
00:40:15.000 That was a three-round molestation.
00:40:17.000 I mean, he took bombs.
00:40:19.000 Bombed.
00:40:19.000 Big shots on the jaw.
00:40:21.000 Knees buckle.
00:40:22.000 Almost goes down.
00:40:23.000 And then three seconds later, he's executed the takedown.
00:40:26.000 He's in side control.
00:40:27.000 And he's smashing him.
00:40:28.000 You know?
00:40:29.000 I mean, that was just like...
00:40:30.000 That was overwhelming, man.
00:40:31.000 It was overwhelming what he did to that guy.
00:40:34.000 He's a motherfucker, dude.
00:40:36.000 I can't wait for that.
00:40:37.000 I can't wait to see Tito come back.
00:40:38.000 I'm looking forward to that as well.
00:40:40.000 But, man, Brock and Cain.
00:40:42.000 Brock and Cain is going to be nuts.
00:40:43.000 Sorry, Brock and Cain.
00:40:44.000 And then, man, I want to see Alistair versus Brock.
00:40:46.000 One day.
00:40:47.000 Of course.
00:40:48.000 I want to see Alistair.
00:40:49.000 I mean, I would like to see Alistair clean out Strikeforce, too.
00:40:51.000 I think if Alistair can beat Verdum, that would be a huge rematch.
00:40:55.000 I don't think there's anyone in Strikeforce, honestly, that will touch him.
00:40:57.000 Well, we'll see, man.
00:40:58.000 Verdum gets him on the ground.
00:41:00.000 I bet Verdum has a say in that.
00:41:01.000 I bet he would try to tap Alistar.
00:41:03.000 I bet he thinks he can.
00:41:05.000 He's capable of doing it.
00:41:06.000 Didn't he do it before?
00:41:07.000 Didn't he tap Alistar?
00:41:08.000 He did, but like, what, Pride 2007 or 2005?
00:41:11.000 He's a different guy.
00:41:12.000 That's true.
00:41:12.000 But guess what?
00:41:13.000 Different Verdum, too.
00:41:15.000 Yeah.
00:41:15.000 Verdum just getting off of that victory over Fedor, he thinks he can tap anybody.
00:41:19.000 He'll jump and fucking guard you.
00:41:21.000 He'll fly and guard on you just to try to lock you up in his legs.
00:41:24.000 You know, I was there that night at Strikeforce when Fedor tapped.
00:41:27.000 That was surreal shit, dude.
00:41:28.000 Watching that ringside, that was surreal.
00:41:31.000 I bet.
00:41:31.000 I would have liked to have seen that one live.
00:41:33.000 It was sad.
00:41:33.000 It was crazy.
00:41:34.000 Why sad?
00:41:35.000 No big deal.
00:41:36.000 He just got caught.
00:41:36.000 I think it's happy.
00:41:37.000 It's happy that Verdum pulled it off.
00:41:39.000 Verdum's a bad motherfucker.
00:41:44.000 Yeah, that's not sad.
00:41:59.000 The bottom line is the only way to get through a guard like Verdum's is you've got to train with a guy like Verdum.
00:42:04.000 If he was training with guys like Verdum, we would hear about it.
00:42:07.000 We would hear, oh, he just went down and he's spending three weeks with Minotaro.
00:42:13.000 Minotaro's going to work on his guard.
00:42:14.000 You don't hear about all that shit.
00:42:15.000 So he's basically working with these guys that are pretty good.
00:42:17.000 They're decent.
00:42:18.000 And he's got so much confidence because he's undefeated in ten years.
00:42:21.000 And he thinks he can just fall into Verdum's guard and he'll just punch him in the face.
00:42:25.000 You can't do that with Verdum.
00:42:26.000 Yeah, it was a cardinal mistake, man.
00:42:28.000 Verdum just has a guard that's on another level.
00:42:30.000 You don't appreciate...
00:42:31.000 I've rolled with guys like Verdum before.
00:42:34.000 Not that level, but like Jean-Jacques Machado.
00:42:36.000 He's that level as far as international.
00:42:39.000 And they just run through you.
00:42:40.000 Yeah.
00:42:41.000 I mean, just slap shit on you.
00:42:43.000 And if you haven't felt that level, if you're not in there all the time training with that, you know, you can get overconfident.
00:42:49.000 Like, I bet anybody that Fedor puts in his guard or they get in, you know, when Fedor gets in someone's guard in his camp, I bet he just runs through them.
00:42:56.000 I bet he just postures up, breaks through.
00:42:59.000 Nobody probably taps him with triangles.
00:43:00.000 No, no way not.
00:43:01.000 He slaps that shit on like a fucking octopus from hell.
00:43:05.000 Just whoosh!
00:43:06.000 Just like, bitch, you ain't going nowhere.
00:43:08.000 Just fucking taunt him up.
00:43:10.000 Just adjusts and attacks and adjusts and attacks.
00:43:12.000 And every time Fedor defends, he gets deeper in the hole.
00:43:14.000 And Fedor held on for as long as he could, man.
00:43:16.000 But when he tapped, it was like, oh my god, he's fucking tapping.
00:43:19.000 Yeah, he was going to get his arm broken.
00:43:20.000 His arm was about to go.
00:43:22.000 Fedor, he's a bad motherfucker, but he just made a mistake.
00:43:26.000 Everybody needs to work with the best guys.
00:43:29.000 It used to be that you could be able to have this little camp, and it was just you and a couple other guys that you train with, but I don't think you can rock it like that anymore.
00:43:37.000 I think the level's just gotten too high.
00:43:39.000 Everyone's got to train with the best guys.
00:43:41.000 Well, this is the reason why Golden Glory in Holland have so much success in K1 and also mixed martial arts because the best guys are there.
00:43:48.000 And they'll fight each other.
00:43:49.000 And they'll fight each other.
00:43:50.000 Like Sammy Schilt and Alistair, they're going to fight each other.
00:43:52.000 They're going to fight each other.
00:43:53.000 And they'll go for broke.
00:43:54.000 Errol Zimmermann fought Sammy Schilt earlier this year and he went for broke.
00:43:56.000 We went for broke on semi, you know, and they're both from the same gym.
00:43:59.000 And when they spar together over in Holland, their sparring sessions are as hard as K1 fights.
00:44:05.000 They have like this day they call Meet Wednesday.
00:44:07.000 And everyone on Wednesday just goes in the gym and just beats the fuck out of each other like a K1 style fight.
00:44:13.000 And these guys are best mates.
00:44:15.000 So Saki will beat on Zimmerman.
00:44:17.000 The two best mates will beat the fuck out of each other.
00:44:19.000 Is that smart?
00:44:20.000 You know?
00:44:21.000 That's how they train in Holland, but that's not only a golden glory, that's at every Dutch gym.
00:44:24.000 It's always been the Dutch style.
00:44:26.000 The ties are completely opposite.
00:44:28.000 The ties will go light in sparring.
00:44:29.000 The ties will go light in sparring.
00:44:31.000 Heavy on pad work, ties are always ferocious on fucking pads and on bags, but in sparring, the ties spar light.
00:44:38.000 The Dutch go light on the bags and the pads, but they fucking cane each other in sparring.
00:44:44.000 That's such a Dutch way of approaching things.
00:44:47.000 It's just amazing.
00:44:47.000 And then you've got guys like, you know, one of the sparring partners is Ramon Deckers, man.
00:44:51.000 Right.
00:44:51.000 I mean, Ramon Deckers may be the greatest Muay Thai fighter ever.
00:44:54.000 And he's Golden Glory, one of the head trainers.
00:44:56.000 Him and Core Hemmers.
00:44:58.000 It's an amazing team.
00:44:59.000 Yeah, Deckers is a bad motherfucker.
00:45:01.000 Dude, when it was Deckers and Rob Kamen, remember those days?
00:45:03.000 I trained with Rob Kamen.
00:45:04.000 I trained with Rob a bunch of times.
00:45:06.000 Rob is a fucking legend, man.
00:45:06.000 His elbows were phenomenal, man.
00:45:08.000 Yeah, everything about him.
00:45:09.000 His leg kicks, everything.
00:45:10.000 And he's a super cool guy.
00:45:11.000 Rob Kamen is like the nicest, friendliest guy, man.
00:45:14.000 One of my mates trains, or used to train with him, Costas Mandalore, the actor.
00:45:18.000 Yeah, I know who that guy is.
00:45:19.000 Yeah, I'm going to meet Cosi in New York.
00:45:20.000 He's over there promoting Saw, the new Saw film that he's got, Saw 3D, so we're going to catch up.
00:45:24.000 Man, he's been friends with Rob for years, and he's like, dude's fucking badass to train with.
00:45:28.000 Such a great guy, too.
00:45:30.000 A lot of Holland people are nutty, man.
00:45:32.000 Holland's a crazy place, huh?
00:45:33.000 The red light district.
00:45:35.000 The red light district.
00:45:36.000 Last time I was there was 2007. And you could just get weed in the coffee shop.
00:45:40.000 I've never been.
00:45:40.000 Anyway, Peter Ertz took us out for the night.
00:45:43.000 Peter likes to party, right?
00:45:44.000 Took Ray and myself.
00:45:45.000 And if you don't know who Peter Ertz is, he's a multiple-time K-1 champion.
00:45:47.000 Three-time K-1 world champion.
00:45:49.000 Bad motherfucker.
00:45:50.000 Still in there slinging dick.
00:45:51.000 40 years old and he still qualifies for the Grand Prix.
00:45:53.000 He looked fucking good, man.
00:45:55.000 Fucking incredible, man.
00:45:56.000 His body was yoked.
00:45:57.000 It looked like he's obviously been trained like a motherfucker.
00:45:59.000 Just insane.
00:45:59.000 What keeps that guy going, man?
00:46:01.000 One of the nicest human beings I've ever fucking met.
00:46:04.000 Super nice.
00:46:05.000 He greets me with a hug all the time.
00:46:06.000 He's always laughing.
00:46:08.000 He took us out in 2007. It was me, Ray Sefo, and a few of Peter's mates.
00:46:13.000 Went to the Red Light District.
00:46:14.000 Dude, all the stories you've heard about the Red Light District, they're true.
00:46:17.000 Well, Peter Ertz is smoking weed all day.
00:46:20.000 Peter Wertz had a fucking case of joints in his pocket that he would rip out.
00:46:24.000 And his best mate opened the third ever coffee house in Amsterdam in like 1967. So he was like a pioneer of weed in Amsterdam, right?
00:46:35.000 Don't you think people would be surprised if they found out how many high-level fighters and MMA guys smoke weed?
00:46:40.000 Ridiculous!
00:46:41.000 It's a big number, man.
00:46:42.000 You go to the show there in Amsterdam, at Amsterdam Arena, and midway through when they have intermission, you go outside to the smoke section, and it is just fucking weed central.
00:46:52.000 Like, you're moving through the mist of all this marijuana smoke.
00:46:56.000 It is insane.
00:46:56.000 I've smoked weed with a lot of UFC champions.
00:46:59.000 Oh, man.
00:46:59.000 Yeah.
00:47:01.000 I believe it.
00:47:02.000 I fucking believe it.
00:47:03.000 A lot of the K1 guys, a lot of the MMA guys I know.
00:47:06.000 A lot of bad motherfuckers like that weed.
00:47:08.000 A lot of fucking Nick Diaz is not the only one.
00:47:10.000 Yeah, Nick Diaz had the greatest quote of all time.
00:47:12.000 Nick Diaz is fighting tonight.
00:47:13.000 We're going to see it in half an hour.
00:47:15.000 Nick Diaz had the greatest quote of all time.
00:47:17.000 He said, I don't think pot is getting in the way of my MMA career.
00:47:20.000 I think MMA is getting in the way of my pot smoking.
00:47:25.000 I love it, man.
00:47:26.000 That's a fucking great quote.
00:47:28.000 I think fighting's getting in the way of my weed smoking.
00:47:32.000 When you see that video that Diaz put on YouTube after I did The Voice vs Mayhem, and he's driving, and he does that video, and he puts the camera down and does this.
00:47:42.000 I'm like, how much fucking pot do you actually fucking smoke, man?
00:47:45.000 That was crazy funny.
00:47:48.000 I'm a Nick Diaz fan to the bone.
00:47:49.000 Him and his brother.
00:47:51.000 I love those dudes.
00:47:52.000 Unbelievable, man.
00:47:53.000 Those dudes are entertaining.
00:47:54.000 They're wild motherfuckers.
00:47:55.000 I'd like to go to Amsterdam with those two in the red light district.
00:47:58.000 Are you kidding me?
00:47:59.000 They would be running through all the cafes for all the fucking hookers in the windows.
00:48:04.000 Oh, man.
00:48:06.000 You can order anything over there.
00:48:07.000 We might be the first people to die from weed.
00:48:11.000 We might fuck up the whole cause.
00:48:13.000 Dude, the weed is a menu.
00:48:14.000 It's like you go to a restaurant here, you get a giant menu there, it's a menu of weed.
00:48:18.000 You've got, like, I'd say about 30 variations to choose from.
00:48:22.000 Well, we have that here.
00:48:23.000 It's crazy.
00:48:23.000 You know, we have that in these medical places.
00:48:25.000 I'll take you to one.
00:48:26.000 I'll take you to one when we're leaving here.
00:48:27.000 Hell yeah.
00:48:27.000 Yeah, you gotta go.
00:48:28.000 You gotta see this, because it's the craziest thing ever.
00:48:30.000 Can I get a cap like Johnny Drama did in Entourage?
00:48:33.000 Fuck yeah, son.
00:48:34.000 I'm sorry you can, son.
00:48:35.000 Shit, yeah.
00:48:36.000 They got lollipops, soda.
00:48:39.000 Really?
00:48:39.000 Yeah, all kinds of candies, cookies, cakes, brownies.
00:48:42.000 Do you need a holland?
00:48:43.000 Yeah, mushrooms.
00:48:44.000 And just a big chalkboard.
00:48:46.000 Cocaine, you can buy it all, man.
00:48:47.000 A big chalkboard, like one of those dry erase boards, filled with different strains, and this is how much it is an ounce, as much as an eighth.
00:48:54.000 Amazing, man.
00:48:54.000 Dude, they have 50, 60 varieties.
00:48:57.000 Crazy.
00:48:57.000 Yeah, everywhere, all the time.
00:48:58.000 Like, sativas, very difficult to grow.
00:49:01.000 It's harder to grow than indica.
00:49:03.000 Sativas?
00:49:03.000 Sativas.
00:49:04.000 Sativas is like space weed.
00:49:05.000 Well, you go to the place near my house, 10 different varieties.
00:49:08.000 Oh, really?
00:49:09.000 That's insane!
00:49:10.000 10 different varieties of sativa.
00:49:12.000 That's crazy.
00:49:12.000 It's hard.
00:49:13.000 Sativa, and when you're living in the East Coast where it's illegal, hard as fuck to get a good sativa.
00:49:17.000 You've got to know somebody who's a grower, that's willing to take a chance to make a superior weed.
00:49:22.000 It takes more time, and so it costs more money, and the yield is smaller.
00:49:25.000 Dude, when I was in Amsterdam, I smoked a vaporized bong and it fucked me because Peter goes, hey Mikey, try this, try this.
00:49:33.000 It's a bong and I hate smoking, but I don't smoke much anyway and I've smoked bongs a couple of times.
00:49:38.000 To me, they feel dirty, right?
00:49:39.000 So he's put this thing to my mouth and I'm like...
00:49:42.000 Peter, I can't see anything here.
00:49:46.000 No effect, nothing.
00:49:48.000 He goes, no, no, no, do it again.
00:49:52.000 It's like, Peter, I can't fucking...
00:49:53.000 I don't think it's lit, nothing.
00:49:55.000 I'm like...
00:49:57.000 Oh, fuck!
00:49:59.000 I was like, what the fuck was that?
00:50:02.000 Because it comes out, it's mist.
00:50:03.000 Right, you couldn't see it, it's invisible!
00:50:05.000 For people who don't know, what a vaporizer does is it heats the THC to a point where it doesn't burn the plant material, but it burns off the THC and makes a vapor out of it.
00:50:15.000 Invisible!
00:50:16.000 You cannot see it.
00:50:17.000 Well, you can sort of see it.
00:50:18.000 I didn't know I was breathing...
00:50:20.000 Exhaling any smoke?
00:50:21.000 Nothing.
00:50:22.000 You sort of see it, but it looks like not much.
00:50:24.000 You get used to it.
00:50:25.000 You smoke a joint.
00:50:25.000 You take a deep breath.
00:50:26.000 You blow it out.
00:50:27.000 There's a big cloud in front of you.
00:50:29.000 This is not a big cloud.
00:50:30.000 I was expecting a big cloud.
00:50:31.000 I wanted Hiroshima cloud.
00:50:33.000 It's a pure sensation, too.
00:50:35.000 Dude, it was crazy.
00:50:35.000 Crazy, man.
00:50:36.000 It was crazy.
00:50:37.000 There's something in the burning of the plant, too.
00:50:39.000 I wonder if that has a psychoactive effect.
00:50:41.000 I wonder if there's a psychoactive effect from the actual burning of the leaves.
00:50:45.000 Maybe together, those things, maybe it calms you a bit or something.
00:50:50.000 Because there's hundreds of different Do you think there are leaves out there, though, and shit out there that no one has thought to smoke that is yet to be discovered as smokeable?
00:51:00.000 Do you think there's mud or dirt out there that someone could maybe roll into a fucking piece of paper and smoke it, and no one's smoked that mud or that fucking seashell or that fucking sea urchin that you can smoke it?
00:51:14.000 There's got to be shit out there that no one has discovered you can smoke it.
00:51:16.000 There's probably a few things.
00:51:17.000 For sure, plants.
00:51:19.000 I mean, if you look at the Amazon...
00:51:20.000 Wasn't marijuana discovered like weed discovered from goats eating it?
00:51:24.000 Really?
00:51:25.000 Like fucking in ancient days goats were eating it and then goats were swaying in the paddocks.
00:51:29.000 So the farmers are like, hmm, the goats eat this strange looking weed and they stumble in paddock.
00:51:35.000 We must try to eat it.
00:51:37.000 Where the hell did you hear that?
00:51:38.000 That's what one of my friends was telling me.
00:51:40.000 It might be another Aussie urban legend, but I heard it was goats discovered weed.
00:51:45.000 Yeah, that doesn't even make sense.
00:51:46.000 The goats were high on...
00:51:48.000 I don't fucking know, man.
00:51:50.000 You're telling me there's 10 different types of ceviches, whatever it is?
00:51:53.000 Sativas.
00:51:53.000 It's a sativas.
00:51:54.000 Ceviche.
00:51:57.000 That's fish.
00:51:58.000 That's fish cooked with lime.
00:52:00.000 All I know is when I did that vaporized bong...
00:52:03.000 20 minutes later, I was in a place called Banana Bar and some fucking dirty hooker was shooting these giant dildos out of her pussy and hitting me in the chest.
00:52:11.000 And I would keep backing up five paces and she was shooting these giant dildos like thick fucking things out of her pussy and hitting me always smack on the chest.
00:52:21.000 Oh my God.
00:52:22.000 And then another one would come over and she had like a texter, like a marker.
00:52:27.000 Yeah.
00:52:27.000 Yeah.
00:52:27.000 She goes, what's your name?
00:52:28.000 I go, Michael.
00:52:29.000 So she had a postcard, and she sticks the marker in her pussy, hovers over the postcard, and dude, with perfect penmanship, in perfect fucking cursive writing, right?
00:52:41.000 She writes, to Michael, love, banana bar.
00:52:45.000 Like, on the fucking postcard from her pussy.
00:52:48.000 Perfect penmanship.
00:52:50.000 How does the whole postcard stay in place?
00:52:52.000 I've still got it at home.
00:52:53.000 I don't know.
00:52:54.000 How does it stay in place?
00:52:54.000 Does she hold it with her toes?
00:52:55.000 No, it's a heel.
00:52:56.000 Her heel.
00:52:57.000 Because she squatted over it.
00:52:58.000 So one heel holds the postcard in place.
00:53:00.000 One heel holds the postcard as her pussy does this and writes perfectly to Michael Love Banana Bar.
00:53:06.000 It was a fucking incredible night, man.
00:53:07.000 I wonder what made them come up with that.
00:53:09.000 I wonder if they're wondering, we need something new for this business.
00:53:12.000 We are not getting enough people in here.
00:53:13.000 No, but I wonder if this is a type of shit the girls do at slumber parties when they're young.
00:53:18.000 Yeah, they're a little bit drunk or maybe it's like, hey, let's stick a fucking pin in our pussy and try and write our names.
00:53:24.000 Maybe.
00:53:25.000 Yeah, if you're hanging out with a bunch of freaks.
00:53:27.000 How do you discover this talent?
00:53:29.000 I wanted to go to that girl and go, how did you know?
00:53:31.000 At what age do you know you can write with your pussy in perfect cursive?
00:53:35.000 If I had to guess, I would guess that there would...
00:53:38.000 Something, whatever the equation was, involved a dude and money.
00:53:42.000 That's how...
00:53:43.000 A pen got up your pussy.
00:53:44.000 Either that or you did a favor for him, but it's a dude.
00:53:48.000 A dude's asking you to do that.
00:53:51.000 He had you bound and gagged and he left you in a hotel room and all he stuck was a pen in your pussy.
00:53:55.000 Write me a letter with your pussy.
00:53:57.000 When I look at it, I know that it's your pussy that wrote that.
00:54:01.000 Come on.
00:54:03.000 Alright, I can't even write with my pussy.
00:54:05.000 I've seen some fucked up shit.
00:54:06.000 You can write with your pussy.
00:54:07.000 You gotta just learn.
00:54:08.000 Then what about the girls on Macau?
00:54:10.000 Have you ever been to Macau?
00:54:11.000 What is Macau?
00:54:12.000 Macau's like a 45 minute boat ride from Hong Kong.
00:54:16.000 It's between China and Hong Kong.
00:54:17.000 Okay.
00:54:18.000 It's a tiny casino island.
00:54:19.000 No, I haven't been to that part of the world at all.
00:54:20.000 Yeah, it's like the Vegas of Asia.
00:54:22.000 It's a crazy madhouse casino island.
00:54:24.000 So it sucks.
00:54:25.000 It's fucking insane.
00:54:26.000 But I've seen some dirty-ass sex shows in Macau where this one chick had the darts in her pussy, and there were balloons up on the ceiling, and with pinpoint fucking sniper precision, she would lean back, fire a dart, pop the...
00:54:42.000 Balloons one after the other.
00:54:44.000 Jesus Christ.
00:54:45.000 Another chick had razor blades, right, strung together, and she reaches into her vag and pulls out this line of razor blades one after the other.
00:54:56.000 And you're thinking, oh, that's bullshit.
00:54:57.000 They're just made of plastic or something.
00:54:59.000 Then she grabs the razor blades and to show one of the ones that came out of her pussy gets a piece of paper, slices a piece of paper.
00:55:05.000 Oh.
00:55:06.000 I'm like, that's fucking sick.
00:55:08.000 Yeah, you know, that's funny that you just brought that up because there was a conversation we had on here last week about the hookers in Vietnam, whether or not they really did put razor blades up their pussy.
00:55:16.000 I've seen it.
00:55:17.000 I have seen it in the cow.
00:55:20.000 Well, you've seen a razor blade.
00:55:20.000 Razor blades come out of the pussy.
00:55:21.000 So they easily could have done that to GIs, like stuck a razor blade in there and then the guy fucks them and cuts their dick in half.
00:55:26.000 Oh!
00:55:27.000 Oh man, one of my mates in Australia fingered a girl in a club once and he went to finger her and he felt scabs inside her pussy.
00:55:35.000 Oh my god.
00:55:36.000 She had scabs in her pussy.
00:55:38.000 Oh my god.
00:55:39.000 Yeah, I know.
00:55:40.000 I was like, he said hello to me to shake my hand.
00:55:43.000 I was like, dude, I ain't fucking touching that hand.
00:55:46.000 Put a fucking glove on.
00:55:47.000 Oh my god.
00:55:48.000 Scabs in her pussy, man.
00:55:49.000 What are you sticking in your box, honey?
00:55:51.000 Yeah, exactly right.
00:55:52.000 There's some evil shit going on down there.
00:55:54.000 Girls say the guy's balls look disgusting and wrinkled and shit, but man, some girls sometimes need to get a mirror and stand over it and look down and see how fucked up their vagus look.
00:56:05.000 Because some girls have got some fucked up pussies happening, man.
00:56:07.000 Really?
00:56:07.000 The ones that have the big flappy fucking larvae on them.
00:56:09.000 I like that.
00:56:10.000 I like flappy lips.
00:56:11.000 Like fucking curtains like that.
00:56:12.000 I like that.
00:56:13.000 Dude.
00:56:14.000 I like that.
00:56:15.000 Man.
00:56:16.000 I've seen ones that fucking hang down like that, man.
00:56:18.000 It's like...
00:56:19.000 What the fuck?
00:56:19.000 The trippiest thing ever is when you look at female bodybuilders and you see the little dicks that they're growing.
00:56:24.000 The clit!
00:56:25.000 Because of the roids.
00:56:26.000 Because I used to edit a bodybuilding magazine back in the day.
00:56:28.000 So I used to interview a lot of female bodybuilders.
00:56:31.000 And their clit comes like that.
00:56:33.000 Like a small dick.
00:56:35.000 But...
00:56:35.000 They are.
00:56:36.000 I never fucked any bodybuilders before I was told being in the industry is like they are the horniest fucking cunts out there.
00:56:43.000 Because they're on testosterone.
00:56:44.000 And because all you need to do is touch their big penis clitoris and they basically have an orgasm.
00:56:51.000 Like insanely sexually...
00:56:54.000 Sexually excited creatures all the time.
00:56:56.000 Sometimes the doctor will put a woman on testosterone for something, like some sort of an ailment.
00:57:02.000 Usually they've got skin disease when they're young.
00:57:04.000 The girls will go on steroids, on testosterone.
00:57:08.000 It's a shame because one of my friends...
00:57:11.000 She's a photographer back home.
00:57:13.000 And when she was young, I've seen photos of her.
00:57:14.000 She was a beautiful, beautiful young girl.
00:57:16.000 But then she started to develop skin problems and bad acne that was something hormonal.
00:57:21.000 And she had to go on steroids to get rid of it.
00:57:24.000 And then now she's fucking fucked up ugly.
00:57:27.000 Like bad, the poor thing.
00:57:28.000 She's fucked up.
00:57:29.000 She looks like a man.
00:57:30.000 Our nickname for her behind her back is Animal.
00:57:32.000 She looks like a fucking animal.
00:57:34.000 But yeah, she used to be beautiful.
00:57:35.000 She was hot when she was young.
00:57:37.000 How young?
00:57:39.000 You know, when she...
00:57:40.000 Hot.
00:57:41.000 She was fucking eight, nine years old.
00:57:42.000 Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?
00:57:43.000 She was a cute kid.
00:57:44.000 What the fuck is wrong with you?
00:57:46.000 You know, she was a cute kid.
00:57:46.000 Well, there are some girls, though, that start out really pretty, and then some monkey wrench goes along the way, and then the design of the universe decides to take it back when you're not hot anymore.
00:57:56.000 I've seen that happen.
00:57:57.000 Girls were really pretty when they were like 13 or 14, and then you graduate high school, and you run into them when they're like 22, 23, and you're like, what happened?
00:58:05.000 I saw the girl that I used to fantasize over in high school, Lisa, right?
00:58:10.000 And she was like the girl that everyone wanted to fuck in high school.
00:58:13.000 She was the it girl.
00:58:15.000 She was the like...
00:58:16.000 The one.
00:58:17.000 And I recently chatted to another friend of mine on Facebook that was at the girls' school that was sister school to our school back then.
00:58:23.000 And I was talking about this Lisa girl.
00:58:25.000 I'm like, I wonder what Lisa's doing now.
00:58:27.000 I wonder if she's still hot.
00:58:28.000 She goes, oh, I saw Lisa recently.
00:58:29.000 She's got three kids and I've got a photo of her.
00:58:31.000 Do you want to see it?
00:58:32.000 I'm like, yeah, bring it on.
00:58:34.000 Dude, she was fucking disgusting.
00:58:37.000 I'm like, no way that's Lisa.
00:58:39.000 My friend's like, that's what your it girl looks like now.
00:58:42.000 Do you think that she does the same thing every time she watches K1? That's Michael Chivero!
00:58:47.000 I'm so glad I didn't fuck him!
00:58:53.000 Look at that cocksucker!
00:58:55.000 I'm so glad!
00:58:57.000 You know what the thing is, man?
00:58:58.000 I weighed myself this morning.
00:59:00.000 Yeah?
00:59:00.000 Were you happy with the results?
00:59:01.000 I was, because I've lost a lot of weight recently.
00:59:03.000 How much have you lost?
00:59:04.000 Probably this year I've lost about 11 kilos.
00:59:07.000 What's that, 24 pounds?
00:59:09.000 Yeah, about 24 pounds.
00:59:10.000 I haven't had this least weight since high school.
00:59:14.000 So back then I was fucking huge, man.
00:59:16.000 Like a lot bigger than I am now.
00:59:18.000 A lot, lot bigger.
00:59:19.000 That's awesome.
00:59:19.000 Yeah.
00:59:20.000 Kevin James has lost like almost 50 pounds.
00:59:22.000 Dude, I love Kevin James.
00:59:23.000 He's a great guy.
00:59:24.000 You know, Irene had no idea who he was.
00:59:26.000 Really?
00:59:26.000 Before we came here today, we were watching King of Queens was on TV and she's laughing her ass off.
00:59:30.000 And I go, hey, you know he's really good mates with Joe.
00:59:32.000 She goes, Joe Rogan?
00:59:33.000 I go, yeah, Joe knows him really well.
00:59:35.000 He's like in a movie of his and their management's the same.
00:59:38.000 They're really close mates.
00:59:39.000 And she goes, oh, who is he?
00:59:40.000 I go, it's Kevin James.
00:59:41.000 She probably just never saw the sitcom.
00:59:43.000 Just yet.
00:59:44.000 But he's been in so many movies too now.
00:59:45.000 I mean, the sitcom was in Australia as well, but she just didn't know.
00:59:49.000 Sometimes you don't know.
00:59:50.000 Sometimes someone will talk to me about some singer, like, oh my god, Blah Blah Blah is playing here.
00:59:54.000 Blah Blah Blah is really good, man.
00:59:55.000 I think Blah Blah Blah is playing in New York next week.
00:59:58.000 You know what I'm saying?
00:59:58.000 Yeah, exactly.
00:59:59.000 And you'll be like, what are you talking about?
01:00:01.000 Who is this?
01:00:02.000 And then you find out they've sold like 50 million albums all over the world.
01:00:05.000 I didn't know who Justin Bieber was.
01:00:06.000 Everyone's got Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber.
01:00:08.000 I'm like, who the fuck is this Justin Bieber?
01:00:10.000 Some poor little fuck.
01:00:11.000 Yeah.
01:00:12.000 And then I heard the song on the radio.
01:00:13.000 I'm like...
01:00:14.000 Doing this one in the clothing store wherever I was.
01:00:16.000 And I'm up to Irene and I go, who is this?
01:00:17.000 She goes, this is Justin Bieber.
01:00:18.000 I go, this is the fucking little kid that everyone's talking about.
01:00:21.000 Why am I dancing?
01:00:22.000 Stop.
01:00:22.000 Dude, I'm watching a video and he gets hit in the head with a bottle.
01:00:25.000 That's brilliant.
01:00:26.000 Somebody throws a water bottle and hits him in the head and then people think it's funny.
01:00:29.000 And everybody's like passing it back and forth on Facebook.
01:00:31.000 I'm like, listen, you're looking at a little vulnerable 12-year-old kid who's probably some grown cunt.
01:00:37.000 Has thrown a water bottle at...
01:00:39.000 I mean, who's thrown a water bottle at some little boy?
01:00:42.000 Good luck to the little fucker man.
01:00:43.000 He's fucked.
01:00:44.000 He's fucked.
01:00:45.000 But, you know what I saw?
01:00:46.000 For this crazy charge at a young age, his development will be forever skewed.
01:00:51.000 But, bro, I already saw in the bookshop the biography of Justin Bieber.
01:00:54.000 The kid's like 14. How much of a biography can you write?
01:00:58.000 What have you done?
01:00:59.000 Has he even fucking got a head job yet?
01:01:01.000 What?
01:01:01.000 What if it was all true?
01:01:02.000 Has he even shaved?
01:01:03.000 Has he got pubes?
01:01:04.000 What if we start talking about chicks?
01:01:05.000 He fucks.
01:01:06.000 Just makes the Justin Bieber pussy diary.
01:01:09.000 He's like, 15, just able to secure a real solid boner for the first time in my life.
01:01:14.000 I think I'm going to go out and use it.
01:01:16.000 Just discovered his first pubic hair and photographs it and puts it in the center of the book.
01:01:19.000 And the poor kid, he's very small.
01:01:21.000 Yeah.
01:01:21.000 Very small.
01:01:22.000 And very small for like 14. Like, he's going to be a tiny man.
01:01:25.000 Oh, little fucker.
01:01:25.000 You know?
01:01:26.000 But the girls right now are just like confused.
01:01:29.000 They're like, well, he's up there and he's singing and I think I want to fuck them or something.
01:01:33.000 And dude, the scary thing is that this scared me.
01:01:36.000 The other day, Irene's telling me about her little cousin.
01:01:38.000 Her little cousin, she's 12 years old and she's in love with Justin Bieber.
01:01:42.000 And so she says to Irene, Justin Bieber is a friend of mine on Facebook.
01:01:47.000 And Irene's like, okay, thinking it's a group or whatever that she likes, Justin Bieber.
01:01:51.000 She goes, oh yeah, and Justin and I talk every other night and he's a really nice guy.
01:01:56.000 And I'm going to go, Irene, do you realize there's some dude posing as Justin Bieber on Facebook who your 12-year-old niece or cousin has accepted as a friend that he's talking to her and buttering up a 12-year-old every night?
01:02:10.000 Like fucking stalkers out there, pedophile motherfuckers who are disguising themselves as Justin Bieber talking to 12-year-old Aussie girls on Facebook.
01:02:18.000 It could just be 12-year-old boys.
01:02:21.000 I thought you were going to say it could just be Justin Bieber.
01:02:23.000 No.
01:02:24.000 Well, it could be Justin Bieber.
01:02:25.000 Who knows?
01:02:26.000 He's fucking 12. It could just be 12-year-old boys.
01:02:28.000 I get on Facebook.
01:02:29.000 I go on Twitter.
01:02:29.000 I do it all the time.
01:02:30.000 Anybody could be doing it.
01:02:32.000 I know there's a lot of like, you know, like Aston Kutcher really does it.
01:02:35.000 He really goes, who's Justin Bieber's not out there Twittering chicks?
01:02:39.000 I don't think that he's Twittering a 12-year-old girl in Melbourne.
01:02:42.000 Maybe he is.
01:02:44.000 Maybe.
01:02:44.000 Maybe he's trying to set it up.
01:02:46.000 He's trying to get his hookup for when he goes for a down-under tour.
01:02:48.000 I'll probably be back there in about 24 months.
01:02:50.000 By then, I'll be all blowed up.
01:02:52.000 Baby, find me when you're legal.
01:02:54.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:02:54.000 I mean, I have it going on.
01:02:56.000 Baby, come to America.
01:02:57.000 The carnal age is only 15. In Australia, you've got to wait another couple of years.
01:03:00.000 How old do you have to be in Australia to fuck?
01:03:03.000 You can fuck at 16, but you can only fuck someone who is under 18. You can't be over 18 and fuck a 16-year-old.
01:03:10.000 That's smart.
01:03:10.000 Yeah.
01:03:11.000 That's a good move.
01:03:12.000 Yeah, that's a good move.
01:03:12.000 You're not going to stop 16-year-olds from fucking...
01:03:14.000 Sorry.
01:03:15.000 Impossible, man.
01:03:16.000 But you guys have a more relaxed attitude towards a lot of things over there.
01:03:19.000 Yeah, it's much more relaxed.
01:03:20.000 When you got out of high school, let me ask you this, because this is the big thing in America.
01:03:25.000 I grew up in Newton, Massachusetts, and Newton was...
01:03:28.000 A lot of successful people lived there.
01:03:31.000 A lot of people who were doctors and lawyers, and they were...
01:03:35.000 Very into their kids' academic careers.
01:03:39.000 It was a school where it was a very good school, really highly rated.
01:03:44.000 And everybody was super ambitious to get out there and to go to college and to get things done.
01:03:49.000 When you guys graduated, do you feel this enormous pressure to go make something of your life?
01:03:55.000 No, not really.
01:03:56.000 The college system that you have in the States doesn't exist in Australia.
01:03:59.000 How do you guys do it?
01:04:00.000 So we go to high school, right?
01:04:02.000 Then after high school, we go to university.
01:04:03.000 But we don't have frats.
01:04:05.000 We don't live on campus.
01:04:06.000 And we don't move interstate to go to university.
01:04:09.000 In fact, in America, wherever I go, no one is ever from the state where I meet them.
01:04:14.000 It's like you're from Massachusetts or Boston.
01:04:16.000 We were originally from Massachusetts.
01:04:19.000 Okay, so you're from Massachusetts.
01:04:20.000 You live in California.
01:04:22.000 Everyone is from a different state to where they were born.
01:04:24.000 Whereas in Australia, everyone pretty much remains wherever you're born.
01:04:28.000 Really?
01:04:28.000 You grow up, you're born in Melbourne, you grow up in Melbourne, you work in Melbourne, have a family in Melbourne, went to university in Melbourne, you'll die in Melbourne.
01:04:36.000 No one ever goes to much of the university's interstate and moves around.
01:04:40.000 Everyone is pretty much where they're from, and there's not really that feel of, I've got to go out and conquer the world and become a politician or change the world in any way.
01:04:48.000 It's like, oh, fuck it, I finished high school, I'm going to relax and drink.
01:04:51.000 Well, it's not even so much go out and conquer the world as don't be a fucking loser.
01:04:55.000 There's a lot of pressure.
01:04:56.000 Go out and get a fucking job.
01:04:58.000 Let's go.
01:04:58.000 No, the problem is in Australia because our economy is really good at the moment.
01:05:02.000 Yours is shit and ours is really good.
01:05:04.000 Our dollar is really strong against the US dollar.
01:05:07.000 But the thing in Australia is the dole is that easy to get.
01:05:13.000 The doll is easy to get, bro.
01:05:14.000 So you can be a bludger and just claim the doll every two weeks.
01:05:17.000 The doll meaning welfare.
01:05:18.000 Oh, doll meaning welfare.
01:05:19.000 Yeah.
01:05:20.000 And it's decent.
01:05:21.000 I know people that live solely off the doll.
01:05:24.000 Really?
01:05:25.000 That's it.
01:05:25.000 They get paid the doll.
01:05:26.000 How much do you get?
01:05:26.000 Maybe a fortnight...
01:05:28.000 Man, you might- What is a Fortnite?
01:05:30.000 What are you fucking- Oh, sorry.
01:05:30.000 Fortnite- You don't have that word in America?
01:05:34.000 What is that, Shakespeare motherfucker?
01:05:35.000 Fortnite- Fortnite is two weeks.
01:05:37.000 Maybe if my chick's watching the Tudors and I'm trying to get some pussy.
01:05:41.000 A Fortnite.
01:05:42.000 You might get like $200- Might I fuck you in a Fortnite?
01:05:44.000 Might I fuck you in a Fortnite?
01:05:46.000 In the ass, darling, yes.
01:05:47.000 Maybe $200 every two weeks.
01:05:50.000 $220 every two weeks.
01:05:51.000 Highly livable.
01:05:52.000 You can live off that.
01:05:54.000 I guess if you had to.
01:05:55.000 And that's for doing nothing.
01:05:56.000 Nothing.
01:05:57.000 For what we call in Australia a dull bludger.
01:05:59.000 Wow.
01:06:00.000 Yeah.
01:06:00.000 And there's a lot of those.
01:06:01.000 A lot of dull bludgers.
01:06:02.000 Does that keep everybody calm?
01:06:03.000 So there's always something, even if you're a fucking loser, you always have something you don't have to rob and steal.
01:06:08.000 Yeah.
01:06:08.000 Is there an argument for that?
01:06:10.000 Yeah.
01:06:11.000 Is there an argument for whether idiots are always going to be idiots, losers are always going to be losers?
01:06:14.000 Just if you give them a little bit of money, you know, who cares?
01:06:17.000 This way at least they have something.
01:06:19.000 You hope that they're going to invest it back into the economy, but no, it's usually invested, well, unless you're a drug dealer or purchasing of alcohol.
01:06:27.000 But it's far too easy.
01:06:28.000 There's too many Dole bludgers.
01:06:29.000 Is that a strategy, though?
01:06:31.000 Like, let's let people be fucking losers and just take care of them, and then there'll be less crime.
01:06:36.000 Does that make sense?
01:06:37.000 Yeah, I can...
01:06:38.000 I'm asking.
01:06:38.000 I'm totally not committed to this.
01:06:39.000 No, I don't think it's a strategy.
01:06:41.000 The Dole didn't come in until, like, 1975 when there was a Labor government.
01:06:45.000 But if you don't have it, then people are forced to catch up, right?
01:06:47.000 People are forced to pay their own way and, you know...
01:06:50.000 Yeah, and the bad thing is, though, I know a guy who's on the Dole, and...
01:06:54.000 He will not get off his ass to get a job.
01:06:56.000 He will not even go for job interviews.
01:06:58.000 He claims that he's got some disability or whatever, which he hasn't.
01:07:01.000 And it's like, dude, my fucking taxes that I work hard for my money and I've got to give money to the government, pay fucking taxes, then go in your pocket to pay you to drink alcohol and sit at home all day.
01:07:13.000 But I would rather give my tax money to losers and drunks and idiots and people with no ambition whatsoever than to war.
01:07:22.000 I would rather...
01:07:23.000 Oh, look, I don't...
01:07:24.000 You know what I'm saying?
01:07:24.000 My money goes to war and there's nothing I can say about it.
01:07:27.000 I'd rather put the fucking losers to work, man.
01:07:29.000 It's like, you know what?
01:07:29.000 You want the doll?
01:07:30.000 You're going to fucking go and work in this plant.
01:07:32.000 You're going to work in this factory.
01:07:33.000 You're going to fucking send these mails out.
01:07:35.000 You're going to do shit.
01:07:36.000 You're going to go volunteer in fucking hospitals.
01:07:39.000 That's a great idea.
01:07:39.000 You know, or in canteen or somewhere where they need you and volunteer your time and your services.
01:07:44.000 And qualify for your doll.
01:07:46.000 Where do you think there are more losers per capita in America or in Australia?
01:07:49.000 Yeah.
01:07:51.000 Like the percentage of losers as opposed to regular people.
01:07:54.000 What do you qualify as a loser?
01:07:55.000 Is a homeless person a loser just because they're homeless?
01:07:58.000 Fuck yeah.
01:07:59.000 You lost.
01:07:59.000 If you're homeless, you lost.
01:08:01.000 I mean, you're not going to be a loser for life.
01:08:03.000 I'm not saying that this is a death sentence.
01:08:05.000 America.
01:08:06.000 If you're outside.
01:08:06.000 You guys have got a lot.
01:08:07.000 It disappoints me for the most powerful country in the world and the great America.
01:08:13.000 Dude, it saddens me, man.
01:08:14.000 You've got a lot of homeless people.
01:08:15.000 Well, that's because there's a lot of insane people.
01:08:16.000 You know, one of the reasons why the homeless population rocketed in the 1980s is because Ronald Reagan and his administration, they changed the definition of Of insanity.
01:08:25.000 So there's a lot of people that were in fucking asylums, man.
01:08:28.000 Like, well, you're alright.
01:08:29.000 We were wrong.
01:08:30.000 You're not crazy.
01:08:31.000 Dude, just fucking get out there and get your freak on.
01:08:34.000 I never understood it, man, and it saddens me now.
01:08:36.000 There is mental illness.
01:08:37.000 My only exposure to people being homeless when I was a kid growing up and watching American TV was watching the Brady Bunch and how they used to run away from home when you were a kid.
01:08:46.000 I used to think that's how people ended up homeless, by running away from home.
01:08:49.000 Some people did, man.
01:08:50.000 How many people ran away from home and just became...
01:08:53.000 Fucked up in Hollywood.
01:08:54.000 Have you driven around downtown?
01:08:57.000 We walked down Hollywood Boulevard the other night.
01:09:00.000 Irene's holding my hand really tight.
01:09:02.000 It's a lost place, bro.
01:09:03.000 That's a lost place.
01:09:05.000 When people look at Hollywood Boulevard, this is the center of show business in the world.
01:09:08.000 The fuck it is, it's a shithole.
01:09:11.000 I will give you more fucked up.
01:09:12.000 Have you been to Italy?
01:09:13.000 Have you been to Rome?
01:09:14.000 No.
01:09:15.000 No, never.
01:09:15.000 You want to see the most fucked up site in the world, brother, and this is sad?
01:09:19.000 You go to the Vatican, the most opulent place on the planet.
01:09:23.000 You have no idea the money that is fucking dripping off every building in the Vatican and the Vatican and the Catholic Church as an institution.
01:09:31.000 But immediately before you set foot in the door of the Vatican on the street, there are the most disgusting, disfigured, nailed-up beggars you will ever see.
01:09:41.000 Arms missing, fingers curled around, eyes missing and shit.
01:09:46.000 On the fucking streets outside the Vatican door, it makes me fucking sick.
01:09:51.000 Wow.
01:09:52.000 Right?
01:09:52.000 Because you've got that there.
01:09:54.000 There is the Vatican.
01:09:55.000 You can touch it.
01:09:55.000 There is some nailed up disfigured gypsy woman who is 80 years old and has to sleep on a sturdy cobblestone Roman street every night while the church is right fucking there.
01:10:09.000 Wow.
01:10:10.000 And they don't offer anything.
01:10:11.000 They don't take them in.
01:10:12.000 They don't feed them.
01:10:12.000 They don't help them.
01:10:13.000 Dude, it was disgusting.
01:10:14.000 That's so strange.
01:10:15.000 You would think that you have to just for show.
01:10:18.000 You couldn't even allow that.
01:10:19.000 Right?
01:10:19.000 Just for show.
01:10:20.000 The main strip walk.
01:10:22.000 There's only one street you go to to go to the Vatican.
01:10:24.000 That main fucking via.
01:10:26.000 That main strip.
01:10:27.000 And they're there.
01:10:28.000 And they're just the most downtrodden, repulsively disgusting beggars you will ever see.
01:10:34.000 And then you're at the doorsteps of the most opulent place in the world.
01:10:37.000 It's fucking...
01:10:39.000 It does my heading, man.
01:10:39.000 So strange, man.
01:10:41.000 It does my fucking heading.
01:10:42.000 It's just so strange that they feel like they could let those people be out front.
01:10:45.000 That would be bad for business, man.
01:10:46.000 You would think so, right?
01:10:47.000 Yeah.
01:10:47.000 Now, apparently Berlusconi, when he came in term...
01:10:50.000 That's like selling BMWs and just people park wrecked, fucked up BMWs right in front of the dealership.
01:10:56.000 Exactly.
01:10:57.000 The thing is that apparently someone told me that since I've been there, Berlusconi has cleaned up all the beggars and the gypsies and moved them.
01:11:04.000 But I want to know even where he's...
01:11:05.000 Move them to where?
01:11:05.000 Where do you move them to?
01:11:06.000 Yeah.
01:11:06.000 Where do you suddenly relocate people?
01:11:09.000 That was like in Beijing, the Olympic Games.
01:11:11.000 Because I commentated the Olympics in 08. Did you really?
01:11:13.000 Yeah, I did all the boxing at the Olympic Games.
01:11:15.000 Did you really?
01:11:15.000 Wow.
01:11:16.000 Yeah, fucking 272 fights in 10 days I commentated by myself.
01:11:19.000 Are you a big...
01:11:20.000 Just by yourself?
01:11:21.000 By myself, man.
01:11:22.000 Really?
01:11:22.000 Fucking insane.
01:11:23.000 You could talk up a storm, my brother!
01:11:24.000 Word, man!
01:11:25.000 Word!
01:11:25.000 But you know, in Beijing, they relocated one million people.
01:11:29.000 One million people.
01:11:30.000 One million.
01:11:31.000 Were relocated suddenly to build the IBC, the International Broadcast Centre for the Media and the car park.
01:11:37.000 Whoa.
01:11:37.000 One million people lost their homes.
01:11:39.000 That's insane.
01:11:39.000 Virtually overnight.
01:11:40.000 It's like they wake up one morning and they go, you're out of here.
01:11:43.000 That's insane.
01:11:44.000 One million.
01:11:45.000 How the fuck did they pull that off?
01:11:47.000 More than the entire population of San Francisco.
01:11:49.000 That's insane.
01:11:50.000 Moved virtually overnight.
01:11:51.000 Dude, you have no idea.
01:11:52.000 After going to the Olympic Games and spending three weeks in Beijing, I came back and I told everyone, if the fucking Chinese ever want to take over the world, they will do it in the space of a fucking month.
01:12:04.000 The amount of people they have, and the organization they have, and the manpower, and the ability, and the technology, and...
01:12:13.000 Having seen that in Japan as well, that whole region, Korea, Japan, China, they will fucking take over the world easily in a month and we may as well just bend over, take the fucking rice up the ass and go, okay, we are your slaves.
01:12:27.000 Because seriously, the Olympic Games was phenomenal.
01:12:31.000 It was incredible.
01:12:33.000 What is it about them that makes them so dangerous?
01:12:35.000 Is it their willingness to work hard and sacrifice their life for their job?
01:12:40.000 It is their pride, self-pride and national pride.
01:12:42.000 For what they do.
01:12:43.000 Willingness to work extremely hard for very little money and just for self-satisfaction.
01:12:49.000 And add to that the sheer numbers they have.
01:12:52.000 The manpower is extraordinary.
01:12:54.000 Dude, you go to one of those...
01:12:55.000 Yeah, that is kind of crazy.
01:12:56.000 Just on our level that we can relate to, you go to one of those K1 shows in Japan, and the amount of people they employ to set up the arena and set up the ring and the cameras, it is insane.
01:13:06.000 People that I see set up jobs for Fox Sports back home that'll take two guys to set up a particular camera, they'll use ten guys to set up a camera.
01:13:14.000 And they'll get it done in like a quarter of the time.
01:13:18.000 And the ring is taken apart, not by, let's say, a group of 15 people like a show in Australia, but you'll get 300 guys.
01:13:24.000 And as soon as the show ends, they're coming in helmets and little cars, and that ring is taken down in 10 minutes.
01:13:30.000 It's like vultures going in and stripping the flesh off a dead animal.
01:13:36.000 So do you think that it's because they have so many people there that they work harder?
01:13:39.000 What is it?
01:13:40.000 So many people, they work hard, but they work diligently and they work together.
01:13:44.000 It's like a colony of ants.
01:13:47.000 All the ants are pulling together for the colony.
01:13:49.000 No one ant is just on his own working on his own agenda.
01:13:52.000 It's like we're all pulling together and therefore we form one giant colony and just take over wherever we want.
01:13:58.000 It's fucking amazing.
01:14:00.000 It's scary.
01:14:01.000 It's amazing.
01:14:02.000 Well, what they're able to do with getting people to work incredible hours and live in dorms and shit, I mean, that's spooky as fuck.
01:14:08.000 The Japanese?
01:14:09.000 If you've ever been inside a Tokyo apartment, this room here would be considered a fucking mansion.
01:14:15.000 Really?
01:14:15.000 I once went in a room in Tokyo, a Tokyo apartment.
01:14:19.000 The bed was in where the kitchen was, was in where the toilet was.
01:14:24.000 Or the bathroom.
01:14:25.000 Just one big room.
01:14:26.000 Just one big room.
01:14:27.000 Well, we have that here.
01:14:28.000 We have studios.
01:14:29.000 You can get a studio that's basically, that's it.
01:14:31.000 It's just a spot to live.
01:14:33.000 Dude, from the end of the bed to the front door was from here to where that knee is on you.
01:14:37.000 Wow.
01:14:37.000 That's how much room you had to move.
01:14:39.000 And the stove is there.
01:14:40.000 So you can literally...
01:14:41.000 So it's like the worst hotel room ever.
01:14:43.000 Worst hotel room ever and then shrink it.
01:14:45.000 Like Rick Moranis, honey, I shrunk the hotel room down.
01:14:48.000 You couldn't swing a cat in there.
01:14:50.000 It's crazy.
01:14:51.000 Yeah, I've seen some of the guys' apartments when they show those clips for K1 and for Dream and they used to do for Pride where they show the guys' apartment and show where they're training.
01:15:02.000 There's no room to do shit.
01:15:03.000 Tiny ass gyms too.
01:15:04.000 Tiny, right?
01:15:05.000 You see Sakuraba's gym where he trains or Aoki's gym, they're fucking tiny.
01:15:09.000 And there's so little room over there that not many people have pets.
01:15:13.000 What the fuck is it about people where we want to stack everybody on top of each other like that?
01:15:18.000 What is that?
01:15:19.000 I have no idea.
01:15:19.000 Is that good?
01:15:20.000 Is there something good about that?
01:15:21.000 I'm not used to it because in Australia- But it keeps happening.
01:15:23.000 Yeah.
01:15:23.000 I mean, it happens in America.
01:15:24.000 It happens there.
01:15:25.000 I mean, there's- In Australia, everybody still lives like you do here in a house with a backyard in suburbs.
01:15:31.000 And the whole high-rise apartment thing is slowly building in popularity, but still not to the extent it is here.
01:15:36.000 But not like skyscrapers everywhere you look.
01:15:39.000 No, no, no.
01:15:39.000 Yeah, I'm telling you that West Side Highway Drive is going to freak you the fuck out.
01:15:43.000 But everyone's stacked.
01:15:44.000 You can't have pets.
01:15:44.000 You know you can go and rent a pet in Tokyo?
01:15:47.000 No.
01:15:47.000 Just to pat one?
01:15:48.000 You can go and rent a cat or a dog for an hour.
01:15:51.000 She can take it to the park, throw a little fucking park, throw a little frisbee, feed it, take it for a walk, and then you return it to the shop.
01:15:58.000 What?
01:15:58.000 You rent a dog, you rent a cat for an hour.
01:16:01.000 That's ridiculous.
01:16:02.000 Don't you get attached to the dog?
01:16:03.000 Don't you develop a relationship to the dog?
01:16:05.000 Then you can maybe rent it for two hours.
01:16:07.000 But yeah, you just rent a pet.
01:16:08.000 That's a strange world.
01:16:09.000 That's fucking weird, man.
01:16:10.000 They almost are like an alien race.
01:16:12.000 Yeah.
01:16:12.000 It really is.
01:16:13.000 I mean, their writing is so different, so completely unrelated.
01:16:16.000 If you look at the writing of all the European countries, except for obviously Russia.
01:16:22.000 Except for Hungary.
01:16:23.000 Russia, yeah.
01:16:24.000 Yeah, Hungary.
01:16:24.000 A couple of them.
01:16:26.000 It's that Arabic alphabet that we use.
01:16:28.000 Yeah, they all share it.
01:16:30.000 And when you go to China and Korea and Japan, it's like, whoa, you guys are aliens.
01:16:34.000 This is alien stuff.
01:16:35.000 This isn't even related to...
01:16:36.000 Like, this grew completely independent of the European-style writing.
01:16:41.000 It's so different.
01:16:42.000 What a better world the place would be if everyone spoke one fucking language.
01:16:45.000 Would it?
01:16:45.000 I don't know, man.
01:16:46.000 I think it's cool to watch all the different branches.
01:16:49.000 No, man.
01:16:49.000 I think it's cool to watch all the different strategies.
01:16:50.000 I think there would be far less arguing at war if people could actually reason with each other in one single language.
01:16:55.000 Dude, people would go to war over eye color.
01:16:57.000 People are retards.
01:16:58.000 Oh, you have to get this fucking blue-eyed cocksuckers to try to kick our land.
01:17:01.000 Dude, people are dumb.
01:17:02.000 They want to be on teams no matter what.
01:17:04.000 They always want to find a team.
01:17:05.000 Didn't they try and invent one universal language once more?
01:17:08.000 Wasn't it something called Esperanza or something like that?
01:17:10.000 Maybe someone can clarify and tweet it to us.
01:17:12.000 It was like years ago.
01:17:14.000 They tried to invent a language called Esperanza or Esperanza.
01:17:17.000 It was meant to be one global language and it never took off, obviously.
01:17:20.000 I don't remember that.
01:17:21.000 Yeah.
01:17:22.000 Yeah, that would take a long-ass time.
01:17:23.000 You'd have to get it to the tribes and the African forests.
01:17:26.000 It would take generations because you'd have to school generations, three or four generations to get it down pat and inculcated among the masses.
01:17:32.000 Yeah, most countries in the world, you know, a good percentage of the people are bilingual.
01:17:37.000 In America, people are, you know, just English or Spanish.
01:17:40.000 That's it.
01:17:40.000 Yeah.
01:17:41.000 That's it.
01:17:41.000 It's like Australia.
01:17:42.000 Everyone's like English.
01:17:43.000 I mean, of course, there's immigrants in here that speak all kinds of languages, but as far as, like, people learning things, very Dude, I didn't know how bad the immigration problem here was until I was driving to do a King of the Cage show in New Mexico and the driver was telling me about it because we were driving along the border there from El Paso to Mescalero and he's pointing it out and Mayhem was in the van with me and the guy's like, this is where the Mexicans run the border.
01:18:04.000 This is where they run the border.
01:18:06.000 I'm thinking to myself, why the fuck then do you call, if you're complaining, why the fuck do you call the state New Mexico?
01:18:13.000 Seriously, of course you're going to fucking run if the old Mexico is shit and you want to go and say, I'm going to New Mexico.
01:18:19.000 Call it something else.
01:18:20.000 It doesn't matter what you call it.
01:18:22.000 They know there's cash over here.
01:18:23.000 There's money over here.
01:18:24.000 I appreciate ambition, man.
01:18:26.000 I think it's kind of fucked up that there's spots in the world that suck and you can't leave them.
01:18:30.000 I think it's kind of fucked up that you can't just travel from one place to another and just go wherever the fuck you want and live where you want.
01:18:36.000 We can't let them in.
01:18:37.000 We can't let them in.
01:18:38.000 It's like...
01:18:39.000 Really?
01:18:39.000 You know what's scary, brother?
01:18:41.000 I got held up in Toronto for five days recently because I had visa problems because something wasn't done properly on my work visa.
01:18:47.000 So I got held up in Toronto and the way they treat you like you're a fucking...
01:18:51.000 Like you're a criminal.
01:18:52.000 Like you fucking got a rag on your head and you're riding a camel with a fucking bazooka.
01:18:56.000 Yeah.
01:18:56.000 Seriously.
01:18:57.000 Because I got a beard, like just...
01:18:58.000 I don't know what it was.
01:18:59.000 You look like you could be an Arab.
01:19:01.000 I get that.
01:19:02.000 You look like you could be a terrorist.
01:19:02.000 I felt like I was locked in a fucking detention.
01:19:05.000 There was a French lady...
01:19:06.000 I'm studying you now.
01:19:07.000 Ha la la...
01:19:08.000 There was a French lady sitting there with three kids and she'd been in that detention in Toronto at the airport for four hours.
01:19:15.000 She was crying.
01:19:16.000 They'd held her with her kids for four fucking hours, man.
01:19:20.000 That's sad, but it would have heard her kids were strapped up with dynamite, alright?
01:19:23.000 You ever think about that fella?
01:19:25.000 You don't know.
01:19:25.000 You gotta be fucking careful.
01:19:27.000 Their job is tough.
01:19:28.000 I like how Canada doesn't let in douchebags.
01:19:30.000 They don't...
01:19:31.000 What do you got?
01:19:31.000 Assault and battery?
01:19:32.000 Fuck you.
01:19:33.000 Get out of here.
01:19:33.000 Canada is tight.
01:19:35.000 But, you know, I think, you know, I just think as long as you have aware...
01:19:39.000 If you're aware of someone's record, I think you should be able to go anywhere.
01:19:41.000 If you're not a murderer, you're not a scumbag, you have real papers.
01:19:44.000 If Mexico had real papers...
01:19:45.000 You know, in America, you run numbers on people in America.
01:19:48.000 Chances are, in 2010, you're going to know exactly what the fuck they've done.
01:19:52.000 Well, we get all boat people in Australia, man.
01:19:53.000 That's our big problem.
01:19:54.000 People sail in boats from East Timor and other places, and they rock up on boats, and woohoo!
01:19:58.000 Australia!
01:19:59.000 And they run off into the fucking jungle.
01:20:00.000 Fuck yeah, because Australia's awesome.
01:20:02.000 It is awesome.
01:20:02.000 You gotta appreciate that.
01:20:03.000 I mean, it's like, why shouldn't they be able to do that?
01:20:06.000 They're people.
01:20:06.000 I feel like if you have the means and the willpower to get somewhere that's better than where you're at, we should all allow that, you know?
01:20:13.000 What kind of fucking hippie, commie, socialist, and talk nonsense is this, boy?
01:20:17.000 This is America!
01:20:19.000 Land of the free, home of the brave!
01:20:20.000 And I'm here with Australia!
01:20:22.000 My man, Michael Ciavello!
01:20:24.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Strikeforce is about to start in about 30 seconds, so we're gonna wrap this up.
01:20:28.000 The meeting of the minds.
01:20:29.000 Yes!
01:20:30.000 We will do this again, my friend, when you're in town again.
01:20:32.000 For sure.
01:20:33.000 I'll be in town again in a couple of months.
01:20:35.000 We'll be back.
01:20:35.000 Michael Chevelle is a cool motherfucker, and I always enjoy hanging out with him.
01:20:38.000 And I always enjoy doing this podcast.
01:20:40.000 You guys are the shit.
01:20:41.000 I love you all.
01:20:42.000 Thank you very much.
01:20:43.000 And I will see you probably, oh, Tuesday with Joey Coco Diaz.