Comedian John Heffron is the first person in history to win Comedy Central's "Last Comic Standing" and he did it in front of a house full of people who didn't even know who he was. What's more, he's also the only person to ever beat him at a comedy competition. We talk about that and much more on this episode of the pod. Also, we talk about the time he yelled at Buddy Hackett because he thought he was stealing jokes from a stand-up comic and how he almost died from it. We also talk about how he was a douchebag when he was younger and how to deal with people who were young when they were assholes when you were a kid. We also get into a story about a woman who was scared of him when he called her a "spaz" and how she reacted to it. Finally, we get into some of our favorite movies and TV shows from the 80's and 90's and talk about what it was like growing up in the 70's and early 90's in the late 80's. Enjoy the episode and remember to Share it with your friends and family! Tweet us to let us know what you thought of this episode and what you think of it! Timestamps: 4:00 - Who was your favorite movie and TV show growing up growing up? 6:30 - What do you remember from the 70 s and early 80's? 9:00-80 s? 11:00 13:15 - Who is your favorite comedian? 16:30-80s movie? 17:20 - Who's your favorite actor? 18:30 19:40 - Who do you think is the funniest movie of the day? 21:15-90s? 22:15 27:20-80 years? 26:40-80? 29:30? 30:00? 31:00?? 32:00?! 33:00 or 30? 35:00 Is he a bad guy? 36:00/35:00 ? 37:00 Or is he's a bad person? 39:00 & 35? 40:00 / 40? 45? 41:00 Do you think he's good enough? 42:00 is he better than you don t need to be on TV? 47:00
00:06:54.000Yeah, for me what I did is you kind of work backwards.
00:06:58.000You figure out what you want to accomplish and then you kind of get all those feelings and what it would feel like once you accomplish those and it kind of lets your brain know this is the way I want to go.
00:07:09.000This is make every decision in the right way to obtain that goal.
00:07:15.000For me, some people go, well that's all common sense stuff, but there's a big difference between common sense and common knowledge or actually applying it.
00:07:47.000So you get in a bad mood for 8 billion different reasons before you get on stage, and then you enter that stage, and you're kind of in a pissy mood, which then that comes across to the crowd.
00:08:08.000And I start to go, like, literally play it out as if it happened.
00:08:11.000So then when I got on stage, I was already mad at these guys that didn't say anything.
00:08:16.000So I'd take the stage with a little bit more testosterone, and then that puts a weird vibe on the crowd, even though those guys might have not said anything the entire show.
00:08:26.000But now I do that with every part of my life, and I think a lot of people do.
00:08:29.000You're like, oh, look at that girl over there.
00:11:01.000For the first one in the budget they had, that's why, you know, guys like you or Kevin James, people are always like, why is it Rogan host?
00:11:09.000Like, big guys that people know, it's because they had zero dollars.
00:11:13.000Well, it's also, the hosting thing, I couldn't have hosted it because I'm the commentator for the UFC. For the UFC, yeah, and they wanted to make it non- Even though I'm a huge MMA fan and I'm as objective as possible when it comes to other organizations, like...
00:11:27.000I'm always talking about Fedor and I'm always talking about Aoki and all these different guys who fight Alistair Overeem and different guys who fight in other organizations.
00:11:37.000I'm a big believer in, you know, you have to look at all...
00:11:42.000I mean, if you're a fan, you have to like all the different organizations.
00:11:45.000Obviously, the UFC is the greatest job I've ever had and it's a fucking awesome gig and I appreciate the hell out of it and I love the job, but...
00:11:52.000As a fan, you can't just only follow the fighters and the fights that are in that organization.
00:12:16.000But once the dude is talking, when they're interviewing the dude, booing him, all he did was like Aaron Simpson versus Tom Laurel was the last one.
00:13:23.000I think if you looked at it on paper, you could say, well, maybe you could give the first round 10-8.
00:13:27.000But the bottom line is, forget about all that.
00:13:30.000The bottom line is, it was a great fight.
00:13:32.000And either guy should feel like a loser.
00:13:34.000Like, there's no way Tom Lawler should feel like a loser after that fight.
00:13:37.000And there's no way Aaron Simpson should have got booed.
00:13:41.000Anytime I've been at a live fight or you hear the people...
00:13:44.000I don't get mad, but I love when people start going, you know, start yelling, stand them up when they've been on the ground for maybe 35 seconds.
00:16:28.000But what do you think the evolution, if you were just to pretend the evolution, you think maybe in 40 years there'd be like maybe nunchucks on a rack, like on a hook on the side of the cage where then...
00:16:41.000The fun thing is man to man, no weapons.
00:16:43.000That's what, I mean, you could go to Roman gladiator style, have dudes have sword fights, and that would be, certainly be fucking crazy, but ultimately, I don't think it would be as enjoyable.
00:16:52.000It would just be more fucked up, because your champions wouldn't survive.
00:18:43.000I guess, or to make it more realistic, maybe you could have cage fighting or where you have the two fighters and then random people standing around like a bar fight.
00:18:52.000So then you'd have to worry about throwing a punch back and having...
00:18:55.000It's going to be robots MMA in the future.
00:20:01.000They've engineered mice so that these mice have this myostatin inhibitor situation going on and they have giant muscles and they live longer.
00:20:22.000Well, everything is going in a direction where, like science fiction, like the things that we thought of as being completely ridiculous in the 1980s, the stuff that you would see in a movie, I mean, it's all real now.
00:20:35.000I mean, you see that new Microsoft Touch thing where they have a table and you can put something on the table and it recognizes what that something is and gives you information on it.
00:20:45.000I mean, that's like minority report type shit.
00:20:48.000I mean, this is all that's going to happen.
00:20:50.000I was talking about that new cell phone idea that Nokia has where it's a phone that you're talking and then you flip it on your wrist when you're done.
00:21:13.000They can un-straighten it out, use it as a phone, and then when they're done, you just flip it on your wrist.
00:21:17.000I saw the, they had this, what's that, Neo Technology where they took shark skin, how it's all bladed, and they made this suit that's almost unstabbable and stuff for like soldiers, where you wear, almost like a wetsuit, but nothing can get through it.
00:22:12.000I think it's going to be like Star Wars where you're going to have a helmet that you pull out so you can't breathe the air outside and stuff.
00:22:18.000Well, yeah, there's going to be that, but I think most of the war is going to be fought like what the CIA is doing in Pakistan right now.
00:22:25.000These drones are flying over Pakistan just launching missiles down on people.
00:22:29.000The bottom line is that all things accelerate.
00:22:32.000No things stay exactly where they are and the only time they degress is when there's a gigantic natural catastrophe or you know somebody blows up a bunch of nuclear weapons and you know we go back to being fucking cavemen.
00:22:45.000I mean that's the only way things are gonna decelerate.
00:22:47.000But the way things are going right now they're gonna move in a crazier and crazier direction.
00:23:04.000And then, you know, like the Star Wars program that they were trying to do during the Reagan administration, you know, they were trying to have it so that they have satellites that can shoot down missiles from space.
00:25:47.000They spent billions and billions of dollars on it.
00:25:50.000And all these scientists dying, the big theory was that, you know, these guys knew too much and they knew that it was horseshit and so they had to kill them off before they talked.
00:26:01.000You know, you get the CIA involved, and if you ever read Confessions of an Economic Hitman, and you find out the shit that our government does to other countries, they'd kill scientists.
00:28:14.000The Gulf of Tonkin incident is a real conspiracy theory where the government really did lie and say that there was an attack on American citizens and that's what got us into the Vietnam War.
00:28:28.000The Northwoods document is a real conspiracy that the Joint Chiefs of Staff drafted up and signed and then it was vetoed by Kennedy and what it was was basically they were trying to get people enthusiastic about a war with Cuba and they were gonna plan a tax on American civilians.
00:28:45.000They were gonna blow up an airliner and blame it on Cuba and say that Americans were on board They were going to attack ships.
00:28:52.000They were going to attack Guantanamo Bay.
00:28:55.000They were going to throw mortars into Guantanamo Bay, and they were ready for U.S. casualties, which meant they were willing to kill Americans in order to get us to go to war with Cuba.
00:29:10.000How come politicians all want to talk about drugs and we need to keep drugs out of schools?
00:29:16.000Drugs in this country can't even fucking come close to the death and destruction and health problems that cigarettes have caused.
00:29:22.000But yet, you don't hear a fucking peep out of those guys about cigarettes.
00:29:25.000Cigarettes kill 400,000 people a year.
00:29:29.000in this country alone every fucking year that's a real legit conspiracy where no one is talking about it and the reason why they're not talking about is because tobacco companies Finance campaigns of politicians.
00:29:50.000Look up the fact that Oliver North and all those guys were involved in doing illegal shit in order to help...
00:29:58.000I just watched a thing where they were bringing cocaine into the US. Well, that's the accusation and there's a bunch of books that have been written on that and CIA agents.
00:30:07.000There's a guy named Gary Webb who's got a bunch of shit on that.
00:30:11.000And there was a dude named Barry Seal who actually was bringing in cocaine from other countries, got caught, and when he was about to go to trial, was murdered.
00:30:19.000And that was to go, they bring in coke from those Afghanistan-type countries to help support them to fight the Russians.
00:30:30.000People say, oh man, the CIA is good, they help us.
00:30:33.000Sure, some CIA... I'm sure do that, but the CIA, one of the planes that's been to Guantanamo Bay crashed last year in Mexico with four tons of cocaine.
00:31:41.000Whereas people wouldn't give a fuck about the CIA selling drugs.
00:31:45.000All you have to do is have one person on television say it's bullshit and that's all you need to get 90% of the people to believe it.
00:31:52.000And a lot of those shows, a lot of the news ones, there's people, that's what they do for a living.
00:31:57.000They say they can put their name in a database to be an expert about whatever.
00:32:01.000And then CNN or Fox will go, we need a guy that knows about...
00:32:05.000And then you're the expert on drug addiction.
00:32:08.000It's been proven that oil companies have hired scientists to dispute the fact that human beings have created global warming.
00:32:17.000Who the fuck knows whether or not they're right or wrong when it comes to global warming and most people that argue it They argue it from the point of being a conservative or being a liberal.
00:32:24.000Liberals always say we have to stop, and conservatives say there's no connection.
00:32:28.000And that's just because they're a bunch of fucking parrots.
00:32:30.000They hear all these different people, Rush Limbaugh or whoever on the radio, saying that there's no connection, that you're these silly liberals, and they just repeat the same dumb shit.
00:32:41.000And then liberals, they see that fucking Al Gore cocksucker and they go, Al Gore said that...
00:32:45.000Meanwhile, Al Gore's made a billion dollars off of this fucking climate gate.
00:32:49.000If you look at what Al Gore has made, the money that Al Gore's made since The Inconvenient Truth came out, it's fucking staggering.
00:32:56.000He's made an incredible amount of money off of this.
00:32:58.000And the people that would benefit from all these carbon taxes, I mean, they're setting this up to make money, and that's what they're doing.
00:33:05.000I'm sure there's a few scientists that are doing it with the right intentions, but most of the politicians that are pushing this, they have ulterior motives, and they're trying to make money off of this shit.
00:33:15.000Hey, Joe Rogan, did you hear JohnnyBananas21 at gmail.com says, did you hear that the Y chromosome is evolving faster than the X chromosome?
00:33:49.000When there's a surplus of men, men act more aggressive and grow more facial hair and become more masculine and have more testosterone.
00:33:58.000When there's a surplus of women, men tend to relax and they tend to be more feminine and they tend to shave more and be more metrosexual.
00:34:06.000Yeah, this one was about all the chemicals that probably our parents or our parents' parents did in the 60s, all the plastics and all that kind of stuff, where they said it wasn't bad for you.
00:34:17.000Now they realize it is and for some reason that those chemicals Affect men more like they found me these alligators that live by let's say doll in in the in the swamps had smaller balls then alligators You know generations earlier that all those chemicals were shrinking the alligator balls I don't know what job you have that that's your guy that you know one guy goes I'm gonna measure it alligator balls Yeah.
00:35:11.000You didn't have as much to jerk off with.
00:35:12.000I bet it's much more difficult for your dad to be obsessive about masturbation because they used to have to set up a projector, pull the shades down, pull the screen, run that little 16mm, watch some black and white old ladies.
00:36:34.000Do you remember when you were, when you were, the old days, when you would go on the road, and you would go to hotel rooms, and the dirty movies would be scrambled?
00:36:45.000You'd go a line through them, and you'd see like a tit, and you'd see like a dick that would go in a mouth, and you'd have enough to jerk off to.
00:36:52.000You used to be able to those, you used to be able to get like a three or four minute preview to see if you wanted, so you'd have ten...
00:37:23.000I think Chris Rock had a bit about that.
00:37:24.000About how he turned out one of his porns.
00:37:28.000And he had left it at a certain scene, but then, because it was a VHS tape, but then when he went to it the next time, it was a different scene.
00:37:35.000It's like, someone's been watching my shit.
00:38:47.000This Gary Webb guy that they're asking, that they were talking about, the whole dropped all the stuff about the CIA and the Contras and everything...
00:38:57.000Committed suicide, according to the coroner.
00:40:17.000Because you always see those at the first.
00:40:19.000Whatever you're looking, you always see the word scam at the top, and then when you click on whatever it is, it's just pro whatever you're looking.
00:40:27.000Because I think naturally, if you're looking to buy something, you see the scam, you're like, well, I'll go to the negative first.
00:40:33.000Some dude said it was Doug Stanhope's bit about his mom with the porno.
00:41:33.000It's called ripoffreport.com and it seems like it's a legit company.
00:41:37.000So if you have a problem with somebody's business or something like that, you can write a letter like, this person ripped me off and stuff like that.
00:42:08.000W-E-N-D-E-L-E. And somebody like that, I don't know how successful, but either way, people like that don't have the money to go after them.
00:43:34.000Someone says, I'm disappointed that you're not getting high.
00:43:36.000The reason why we're not getting high was because, up until a few moments ago, my little baby was in the house, and my mommy and the baby, and we're in the media room right now, and there's no ventilation up in this bitch.
00:43:51.000Hi, Ari's down here with a shotgun in his mouth.
00:43:56.000He's been doing all this suicide shit lately.
00:46:01.000Yeah, the security sayings are sketchy.
00:46:03.000And there was a dude who was a former Facebook employee that was talking about it, you know, divulging all the information about how they do things.
00:46:10.000Well, you know, that's how they're doing a lot of, people are seeing a lot of people's identity, is they'll go, you, and I'll get enough information from your site, Just in general, that I can then use that to piece mail.
00:47:36.000It's different how, like, Twitter, like, some people are huge on Twitter, you know, and you wouldn't think they are.
00:47:42.000Like, Twitter makes no sense to me, like, numbers, why, you know, like, Ashton Kutcher is the most popular person.
00:47:47.000Well, he's on magazines, and he goes on CNN, and he talks about his Twitter on CNN. Yeah, but so does Larry King every day, but he's not even a quarter of that.
00:47:55.000Yeah, but Larry King's a fucking dinosaur.
00:48:01.000The young people with Twitter don't give a fuck about Larry King, but they certainly give a fuck about Ashton Kutcher, that handsome devil with his elderly wife.
00:48:48.000I don't want to hang around with some dude who made babies with my wife.
00:48:51.000was fucking her like every night sleeping in bed with her and cuddling with her but you know what I'm not that open minded maybe Ashton's really open minded or maybe it's just like I can't believe I'm hanging out with Bruce Willis like hey this is awesome I'm in with the Hollywood crowd Bruce is so cool we hang out and party meanwhile Bruce is like Oh, I'll get you a beer.
00:49:12.000Actually, Ashton's got a better career than Bruce nowadays.
00:51:46.000All those dudes are capable of tapping you out.
00:51:47.000And then it's a matter of how much endurance you have.
00:51:50.000Because if you put yourself in bad positions, especially if you're pulling guard all the time, because I'm trying to work on my bottom game.
00:52:05.000If you don't get tapped, you're either not rolling with good people or you're not opening yourself up.
00:52:12.000If you don't open your game up, you don't improve.
00:52:15.000First of all, if I just wanted to get on top all the time and always hold position and not take any chances, you could go a year without getting tapped.
00:52:42.000As you scoop under the leg to try to toss the guy and get him in an arm bar, he has this way of locking your arm with his leg and he pulls on it.
00:54:39.000Yeah, it's six minutes long, so that'd be great.
00:54:40.000Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to just show you a little clip of video so that we can go get high, and then when we come back, this is going to be a totally fucking different show.
00:55:39.000The controversy over medical marijuana Did they get the sound?
00:55:45.000One issue in particular, should children take it too?
00:55:49.000Share Calvin here with an incredible story about one family's fight for their son, Share.
00:55:53.000That's right, Micah and Victoria, when you say that it sounds so shocking to so many, but California's Prop 215 The Compassionate Use Act was passed by voters a decade ago, and it does allow seriously ill patients with a doctor's recommendation to use marijuana legally.
00:57:02.000I mean, and I got, and I had to put him in a hold for maybe an hour.
00:57:07.000I mean, just, where his whole body was spasming.
00:57:11.000It was just, you know, I would just lay there crying, just holding him.
00:57:15.000Sam's parents worked with expert doctors who recommended a succession of conventional prescription medications like Risperdal and a host of others.
00:57:24.000But Sam just gained 20 pounds and became harder to handle.
00:57:31.000We were like, okay, he's getting more dangerous.
00:57:33.000He's getting bigger and stronger now that he's 20 pounds bigger from the Risperdal.
00:57:37.000The child that we had grown to love was gone.
00:57:41.000It was just like when you looked at him, when you talked to him, he had just disappeared.
00:57:46.000Finally at their wit's end and faced with the very real prospect of needing to institutionalize their son, Sam's parents decided to try something unconventional and controversial.
00:57:58.000Last year, they began treating Sam with medical marijuana.
00:58:02.000When you think about it, it really is the perfect medication for that kind of behavior.
00:59:25.000Within roughly 20 minutes, the effects were clear.
00:59:27.000Where earlier Sam had been animated and antsy, after eating his speck of hash, Sam became calm, relaxed, and social.
00:59:38.000As a mother, how would you feel about people saying to you that you're getting your son stoned every day?
00:59:46.000At first, I was very concerned about that, but recently I've been sharing The story with more and more people, you know, friends and co-workers, and I find that, you know, the more I tell people, the more I share it with people, the more comfortable I am with it.
00:59:59.000It has saved our lives, and I think about what it's done for our son.
01:00:04.000Respected L.A. area pediatrician Christopher Tolsher says we don't know enough about cannabis for kids.
01:00:10.000For all the parents out there whose children may have autism, I think the message here is that this is intriguing information that needs more research before we can confidently say that marijuana is a safe and effective treatment for autism complications.
01:00:24.000But for this California family, medical marijuana has literally been an answer to their prayers and a homecoming for their son.
01:00:34.000It was just A medication that we saw that gave us the results that we were always hoping for.
01:00:48.000And we had lost that for so long and it was so sad and we wondered if we'd ever see that again.
01:00:53.000It just feels like I have more control now to help my son instead of depending on doctors who may have the best intentions, but they don't know what Sam needs.
01:01:12.000Well, one important note, Sam's parents tell us that they have followed the letter of the law regarding his medication and that they've grown only the amount of marijuana that Prop 215 allows.
01:01:23.000The medication is for Sam and for nobody else.
01:01:28.000Now, Cher, does he take this medication every single day?
01:01:32.000You know, they started off at 7 o'clock in the morning.
01:01:35.000Then they would give him a second dose in the afternoon.
01:01:37.000But after two years, he started this at 8. He's now 10. They sometimes don't have to give it to him and only give it to him as needed, which is incredible.
01:01:45.000It really has changed his behavior, according to them.
01:02:10.000So, I was listening to his love line last night when Dr. Drew was on and he was talking about marijuana and how he was just so, he just thinks that people that fight that, he's like, they're just dumb people.
01:02:24.000Yeah, he's so silly about his take on marijuana.
01:02:28.000People that want medical marijuana, he thinks they're silly and they're ruining America and he thinks that all drugs are bad and that the one state of mind, the state of mind that you're currently in is the only one.
01:03:39.000It's like, you've got to get on crystal meth.
01:03:41.000But people keep telling you that weed has enhanced their lives and helped the way they think and made them a better person, and that fuck doesn't want to believe.