The Joe Rogan Experience - January 21, 2010


Joe Rogan Experience #5 - Ari Shaffir & John Heffron (Part 1)


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 4 minutes

Words per minute

188.54243

Word count

12,095

Sentence count

1,121

Harmful content

Misogyny

29

sentences flagged

Hate speech

31

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Comedian John Heffron is the first person in history to win Comedy Central's "Last Comic Standing" and he did it in front of a house full of people who didn't even know who he was. What's more, he's also the only person to ever beat him at a comedy competition. We talk about that and much more on this episode of the pod. Also, we talk about the time he yelled at Buddy Hackett because he thought he was stealing jokes from a stand-up comic and how he almost died from it. We also talk about how he was a douchebag when he was younger and how to deal with people who were young when they were assholes when you were a kid. We also get into a story about a woman who was scared of him when he called her a "spaz" and how she reacted to it. Finally, we get into some of our favorite movies and TV shows from the 80's and 90's and talk about what it was like growing up in the 70's and early 90's in the late 80's. Enjoy the episode and remember to Share it with your friends and family! Tweet us to let us know what you thought of this episode and what you think of it! Timestamps: 4:00 - Who was your favorite movie and TV show growing up growing up? 6:30 - What do you remember from the 70 s and early 80's? 9:00-80 s? 11:00 13:15 - Who is your favorite comedian? 16:30-80s movie? 17:20 - Who's your favorite actor? 18:30 19:40 - Who do you think is the funniest movie of the day? 21:15-90s? 22:15 27:20-80 years? 26:40-80? 29:30? 30:00? 31:00?? 32:00?! 33:00 or 30? 35:00 Is he a bad guy? 36:00/35:00 ? 37:00 Or is he's a bad person? 39:00 & 35? 40:00 / 40? 45? 41:00 Do you think he's good enough? 42:00 is he better than you don t need to be on TV? 47:00

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Tell me I'm gonna do it.
00:00:01.000 Right before we do it, I'm gonna say here we go.
00:00:02.000 Here we go.
00:00:03.000 hold on i need that Alright, go.
00:00:27.000 Why aren't they getting this?
00:00:41.000 They're not hearing the sound.
00:00:45.000 Brian, they're not hearing the sound.
00:00:47.000 It just says you're on.
00:00:50.000 Huh?
00:00:50.000 You're on.
00:00:51.000 But the video's not making sound.
00:00:53.000 The video's not making sound because the program's just freaking out.
00:01:00.000 John Heffron, get the fuck off the phone.
00:01:02.000 You're live in front of hundreds of people.
00:01:06.000 I didn't know.
00:01:07.000 John Heffron, ladies and gentlemen.
00:01:11.000 Winner of Last Conic Standing.
00:01:13.000 Not like those faggots he beat. 1.00
00:01:15.000 Yeah!
00:01:16.000 He's the goddamn champion.
00:01:18.000 Were you the first champion of Last Conic Standing?
00:01:19.000 I was second.
00:01:21.000 Who the fuck was the first?
00:01:23.000 Dat fan.
00:01:26.000 Dat Fan.
00:01:27.000 Good old Dat.
00:01:28.000 Does that in any way diminish your accomplishment?
00:01:32.000 What ever happened to that dude?
00:01:33.000 I don't know what happened to him.
00:01:34.000 I think he does well.
00:01:36.000 I think he does a lot of shows and they sell out and stuff like that.
00:01:40.000 Kissing Dat Fan's ass. 0.93
00:01:41.000 He's got a diplomatic approach.
00:01:44.000 Dat Fan's actually a nice guy.
00:01:46.000 Yeah, that's the thing.
00:01:47.000 A lot of guys like to bag on the guy because when he won it, he was really, really green and new.
00:01:53.000 But I don't fall on anybody for that.
00:01:55.000 Yeah.
00:01:55.000 He's always been nice to me.
00:01:57.000 He's been nice to me too.
00:01:58.000 I've never seen him once do stand-up.
00:02:00.000 And I saw him, I judged the first last comic standing and he fucking crushed.
00:02:04.000 He did the laugh act, that was when we caught Ant stealing material and that's when Buddy Hackett screamed at me.
00:02:12.000 Right, right.
00:02:13.000 Almost had a heart attack.
00:02:14.000 That was a fucked up story.
00:02:15.000 Because this dude Ant was stealing jokes.
00:02:17.000 He was doing like book jokes, right?
00:02:20.000 Well, jokes out of movies, old George Carlin shit.
00:02:23.000 And I complimented him first and said, you're a really good performer.
00:02:26.000 You got a lot of energy, you know.
00:02:28.000 But I've heard that shit before.
00:02:30.000 And then Buddy Hackett's like, you fucking asshole!
00:02:34.000 Who the fuck are you, you fucking asshole!
00:02:36.000 My cat just got scared.
00:02:38.000 Spaz! 1.00
00:02:43.000 Come here, baby.
00:02:44.000 Come here.
00:02:45.000 She got scared.
00:02:46.000 When I used my Buddy Hackett voice, she got scared.
00:02:48.000 Come here, baby.
00:02:49.000 Spouse.
00:02:50.000 Come here.
00:02:51.000 You want to be on TV? He's not doing any more Buddy Hackett voices.
00:02:54.000 Come here, honey.
00:02:56.000 Come here, Spouse.
00:02:58.000 Anyway, the story was with Buddy Hackett, when I started saying that this guy was stealing material, Buddy Hackett...
00:03:06.000 I got really upset.
00:03:07.000 Buddy Hackett's an old school comic from the Catskills days.
00:03:15.000 Those guys all stole material.
00:03:16.000 They all did each other's jokes.
00:03:18.000 There was no internet back then.
00:03:20.000 There wasn't even any fucking TV. You had some gags and you did them.
00:03:24.000 And nobody knew.
00:03:25.000 Yeah, and if you didn't do your gags first, the guy in front of you did them.
00:03:30.000 You know what's funny is that a lot of guys from that era, like everyone, Bob Newhart's famous for the phone bit.
00:03:38.000 Phone bit?
00:03:38.000 Yeah, Bob Newhart's famous for it.
00:03:40.000 He's like on the phone and he'll do the one-sided phone conversation.
00:03:44.000 It's hilarious.
00:03:44.000 But there's a lot of guys from that era who did the same exact...
00:03:48.000 Phone bit, so...
00:03:50.000 Oh, well, um...
00:03:52.000 Well, anyway, while he was yelling at me, there was a part of me that wanted to go, shut the fuck up, you old cocksucker. 0.77
00:03:59.000 But I didn't.
00:04:00.000 I swapped.
00:04:01.000 He died two weeks later.
00:04:03.000 Oh, wow.
00:04:04.000 Which means he was real close to death that night.
00:04:07.000 Could have.
00:04:07.000 So if I yelled at him, he might have keeled over and fucking died right there.
00:04:12.000 And there was 10% of me that was like, why am I listening to this old douchebag?
00:04:18.000 Because my philosophy on old people has always been that old assholes were assholes when they were young. 1.00
00:04:23.000 They just survived.
00:04:25.000 Right, right, right.
00:04:26.000 You just became an asshole when you turned 80. That guy's a douchebag.
00:04:29.000 And I thought about yelling at him, but I said, you know what?
00:04:32.000 That's not going to help anybody.
00:04:34.000 And I'm like, what's the point?
00:04:35.000 This is all on television.
00:04:36.000 Everyone's going to see this guy's material.
00:04:38.000 They're going to see what's going on.
00:04:39.000 Everyone's going to know what happened.
00:04:40.000 So I did nothing.
00:04:43.000 So, here we are with John Heffron, neuro-linguistic programming freak.
00:04:49.000 John Heffron is recalibrating his mind.
00:04:53.000 He's had some very negative patterns that he was following earlier on in his life.
00:04:58.000 He's abandoned all those.
00:04:59.000 No more drinking.
00:05:01.000 No more bad stuff.
00:05:03.000 John Heffron is all about positive energy and Tony Robbins, right?
00:05:08.000 Well, kind of, yeah.
00:05:10.000 But Tony Robbins without the walking on fire and going to a seminar with 20,000 really motivated people.
00:05:18.000 Yeah, what is the walking on fire?
00:05:20.000 Well, it probably helps you.
00:05:22.000 It teaches you to walk on fire.
00:05:24.000 How you would then apply that skill to other things in your life, I have no idea.
00:05:28.000 Because even if you're having an argument with your girl, you can't go, well, I can walk on fire.
00:05:32.000 It won't apply to anything else but walking on fire.
00:05:36.000 Like guys fighting that bust boards.
00:05:38.000 It's great if a guy jumps in front of you with six boards.
00:05:43.000 Yeah, what's the fucking point of breaking boards?
00:05:44.000 I don't get that or the breaking the...
00:05:47.000 I guess it's your power in a punch, but that is if a guy is standing there...
00:05:52.000 Boards break pretty easy.
00:05:53.000 That's the sad thing.
00:05:54.000 Those boards are used for demonstrations.
00:05:56.000 They all break.
00:05:56.000 When I was a kid, whenever we used to open up a new school, we would all have to go and do demonstrations.
00:06:02.000 And part of the demonstration was you had to kick boards, break boards.
00:06:06.000 It was so dumb.
00:06:07.000 That's awesome.
00:06:08.000 It just always seemed so silly.
00:06:11.000 That's awesome.
00:06:12.000 What was I going to say?
00:06:13.000 We're talking about the neuro-linguistic stuff.
00:06:16.000 Buddy Hackett.
00:06:18.000 So you're doing all this programming, and this programming leads to better performances on stage?
00:06:25.000 Yeah, it's basically that it just kind of rewires your brains.
00:06:30.000 Everybody, if something happens to you, you probably react similarly.
00:06:34.000 In every single situation.
00:06:36.000 So this kind of just trains your brain to maybe take the best.
00:06:40.000 It gives you options to handle situations where if you have zero options, then you're just going to freak out.
00:06:46.000 And if you have a few, you usually take the best option for it.
00:06:49.000 But it also keeps you from doing shitty things, right?
00:06:52.000 It keeps you from ruining your life.
00:06:54.000 Yeah, for me what I did is you kind of work backwards.
00:06:58.000 You figure out what you want to accomplish and then you kind of get all those feelings and what it would feel like once you accomplish those and it kind of lets your brain know this is the way I want to go.
00:07:09.000 This is make every decision in the right way to obtain that goal.
00:07:15.000 For me, some people go, well that's all common sense stuff, but there's a big difference between common sense and common knowledge or actually applying it.
00:07:28.000 But you apply it now?
00:07:29.000 You're all about doing that, right?
00:07:30.000 Yeah, I do it before I get on stage.
00:07:32.000 I do some techniques to get me...
00:07:34.000 Because, you know, as stand-ups, you can get in...
00:07:36.000 People don't realize it's not...
00:07:38.000 Well, you travel with guys that you like, but a lot of times I'm working with dudes that bug me.
00:07:43.000 Yeah, that's a problem.
00:07:45.000 Or do your material.
00:07:46.000 Yeah, or whatever.
00:07:47.000 So you get in a bad mood for 8 billion different reasons before you get on stage, and then you enter that stage, and you're kind of in a pissy mood, which then that comes across to the crowd.
00:07:56.000 Or what I would do...
00:07:57.000 I would see a group of guys, let's say, and in my head I would go, oh, those guys are going to heckle.
00:08:02.000 And then I start playing this movie in my head.
00:08:04.000 Oh, they're going to heckle right at my favorite joke.
00:08:06.000 Oh, it's going to wreck that thing.
00:08:08.000 And I start to go, like, literally play it out as if it happened.
00:08:11.000 So then when I got on stage, I was already mad at these guys that didn't say anything.
00:08:16.000 So I'd take the stage with a little bit more testosterone, and then that puts a weird vibe on the crowd, even though those guys might have not said anything the entire show.
00:08:26.000 But now I do that with every part of my life, and I think a lot of people do.
00:08:29.000 You're like, oh, look at that girl over there. 1.00
00:08:31.000 I'd ask her out.
00:08:31.000 She's probably going to say no, though.
00:08:33.000 She's probably going to say no and make me feel stupid in front of all my other friends and blah, blah, blah.
00:08:37.000 Is this dude saying there's a lag?
00:08:40.000 There is definitely a lag, because I'm watching us on the video, and it's totally different from what we're saying.
00:08:47.000 It's like...
00:08:48.000 John's still talking on the video, but right now I'm talking.
00:08:51.000 You're always going to have that, though.
00:08:53.000 Really?
00:08:53.000 Why is that?
00:08:54.000 Is that because you streamed gay as fuck? 0.99
00:08:56.000 It's just, we're live streaming video, you know?
00:08:59.000 Would it be better if we were on blog.tv?
00:09:02.000 You know, I mean, it doesn't really matter.
00:09:04.000 What about justin.tv?
00:09:05.000 Would that be better?
00:09:06.000 Yeah, but who cares if there's a lag?
00:09:08.000 People who know.
00:09:08.000 People who are watching this care, man.
00:09:10.000 How do they know there's a lag?
00:09:11.000 There's a guy saying lag.
00:09:13.000 He's upset.
00:09:14.000 No, how did they know there's a lag?
00:09:15.000 Because he's watching the video and the sound is different.
00:09:18.000 No, no, the sound and video is the same.
00:09:20.000 Is it?
00:09:20.000 Yeah.
00:09:20.000 Okay.
00:09:22.000 It's just 15, there's a 15 seconds delay.
00:09:25.000 Well, how the hell does he know there's a lag then?
00:09:27.000 He's probably on a slow, shitty internet.
00:09:29.000 You've got a shitty ass internet connection, faggot. 1.00
00:09:31.000 Why are you blaming us?
00:09:33.000 It's an AOL dial-up.
00:09:35.000 John Heffron, not only is he a stand-up comedian, he also hosted the MMA Awards this year, which was a total fucking disaster.
00:09:43.000 Really?
00:09:44.000 Complete.
00:09:45.000 You told me.
00:09:46.000 I didn't say it was a total.
00:09:48.000 The edited version came off awesome.
00:09:50.000 The way you told it to me.
00:09:51.000 Well, for me, for me it was.
00:09:53.000 Is the check cleared?
00:09:54.000 The check is cleared.
00:09:55.000 Let's talk.
00:09:56.000 Yeah, the check is cleared, but for me, it was where the...
00:09:59.000 People who got to see it on Versus got to see it live as if it was happening.
00:10:05.000 So there was a lot of, shoot this guy, this guy sucks.
00:10:09.000 To me, talking about me hosting.
00:10:14.000 To those sitting in the safety of their computer and being maybe 15 or 16 years old, you would probably think.
00:10:23.000 That it's not realizing that hosting something like that.
00:10:26.000 Oh, ladies and gentlemen, the sound, if you just have to press refresh, if you press refresh, your sound and video should sync up.
00:10:33.000 That's what's going to go on.
00:10:34.000 Some dude said that the MMA awards were lame.
00:10:36.000 Well, you know what?
00:10:40.000 My thing to that, lame to what?
00:10:47.000 Is what I don't get.
00:10:49.000 People compare the MMA awards to what?
00:10:51.000 The Oscars?
00:10:51.000 No, no, no.
00:10:53.000 It's just not interesting to watch.
00:10:55.000 It was a clip show.
00:10:56.000 It was a highlighted clip show.
00:10:59.000 And people got to realize, I think...
00:11:01.000 For the first one in the budget they had, that's why, you know, guys like you or Kevin James, people are always like, why is it Rogan host?
00:11:08.000 Why isn't Kevin James?
00:11:09.000 Like, big guys that people know, it's because they had zero dollars.
00:11:13.000 Well, it's also, the hosting thing, I couldn't have hosted it because I'm the commentator for the UFC. For the UFC, yeah, and they wanted to make it non- Even though I'm a huge MMA fan and I'm as objective as possible when it comes to other organizations, like...
00:11:27.000 I'm always talking about Fedor and I'm always talking about Aoki and all these different guys who fight Alistair Overeem and different guys who fight in other organizations.
00:11:37.000 I'm a big believer in, you know, you have to look at all...
00:11:42.000 I mean, if you're a fan, you have to like all the different organizations.
00:11:44.000 You can't just be loyal.
00:11:45.000 Obviously, the UFC is the greatest job I've ever had and it's a fucking awesome gig and I appreciate the hell out of it and I love the job, but...
00:11:52.000 As a fan, you can't just only follow the fighters and the fights that are in that organization.
00:11:58.000 That's just silly.
00:11:59.000 I love my favorite thing.
00:12:00.000 I tweeted this.
00:12:01.000 I was watching you commentating one of the fights.
00:12:04.000 I love when you call out an entire group of 20,000 people for booing.
00:12:08.000 Because I get mad.
00:12:10.000 They were just drunk.
00:12:12.000 The bottom line is that I understand if they didn't like the decision.
00:12:16.000 That makes sense.
00:12:16.000 But once the dude is talking, when they're interviewing the dude, booing him, all he did was like Aaron Simpson versus Tom Laurel was the last one.
00:12:25.000 Like, you can't boo Aaron Simpson.
00:12:27.000 The guy fought his ass off.
00:12:28.000 He got hurt really bad the first round and came back and won the second and the third.
00:12:33.000 And it was a...
00:12:34.000 Really gutty performance, man.
00:12:37.000 And he had mad endurance.
00:12:38.000 And even in the third round, he outpaced Tom Lawler.
00:12:41.000 I mean, it was just a great fight.
00:12:42.000 Overall, a great fight.
00:12:44.000 And I don't know how anybody couldn't have enjoyed it.
00:12:46.000 I mean, I think in situations like that, I hate close decisions.
00:12:51.000 Because close decisions like that, man, it could have gone either way.
00:12:55.000 And so the fight really took place.
00:12:58.000 Everybody saw what happened.
00:13:00.000 And to decide that one guy won it or another guy won it when it's that close, I would much rather have a draw.
00:13:06.000 I think that fight could have easily been a draw.
00:13:08.000 You know, a lot of people thought that Tom Lawler won, which I definitely think he won the first round.
00:13:13.000 But I think Aaron Simpson won the second and third.
00:13:17.000 Although not in as large a margin.
00:13:20.000 Second, very slight.
00:13:21.000 And the third, a little bit more.
00:13:23.000 I think if you looked at it on paper, you could say, well, maybe you could give the first round 10-8.
00:13:27.000 But the bottom line is, forget about all that.
00:13:30.000 The bottom line is, it was a great fight.
00:13:32.000 And either guy should feel like a loser.
00:13:34.000 Like, there's no way Tom Lawler should feel like a loser after that fight.
00:13:37.000 And there's no way Aaron Simpson should have got booed.
00:13:41.000 Anytime I've been at a live fight or you hear the people...
00:13:44.000 I don't get mad, but I love when people start going, you know, start yelling, stand them up when they've been on the ground for maybe 35 seconds.
00:13:52.000 Yeah, it's the worst for referees.
00:13:54.000 Or if guys feel out each other.
00:13:55.000 Like, I'm okay with...
00:13:57.000 And I've sparred.
00:13:57.000 I mean, I spar...
00:13:58.000 MMA is my golf.
00:14:00.000 I don't spar to really try to tell everybody I enjoy the workout of it.
00:14:04.000 But even...
00:14:04.000 You know, you have to feel out a guy.
00:14:06.000 You don't just go, go, and then start, you know?
00:14:09.000 People expect, like, hockey fights sometimes, where it just erupts immediately.
00:14:13.000 They walk out, they go toe-to-toe, and start.
00:14:16.000 Well, I think it's just that when the action is great, it's so exciting that people want to keep that part going.
00:14:22.000 And then when it goes to the ground, the uneducated fans, if they don't know what's going on, they get upset.
00:14:28.000 But the problem is the referees in small towns.
00:14:31.000 Like when we go to Memphis, I don't want to say small towns.
00:14:33.000 Memphis isn't a small town.
00:14:34.000 But when we go outside of Vegas, a lot of times they use local referees.
00:14:37.000 And these guys, they're too busy.
00:14:39.000 They get involved in the action too much.
00:14:41.000 You know, fight guys, fight guys.
00:14:43.000 Meanwhile, they're fighting.
00:14:44.000 You know, like the guy's in the guard.
00:14:46.000 He's working his guard.
00:14:47.000 He's trying for an arm bar.
00:14:47.000 He's trying for something.
00:14:48.000 I'm going to stand you up.
00:14:49.000 I'm going to stand you up.
00:14:50.000 What the fuck are you talking about?
00:14:51.000 You're going to stay in love.
00:14:52.000 These guys are fighting.
00:14:53.000 That's a part of fighting.
00:14:54.000 I don't think most people realize the difficulty.
00:14:56.000 I mean, just have somebody your size, if not a little bit bigger, laying on top of you and then stand up from that position.
00:15:03.000 Just letting that person, just with their weight, how hard it is just to stand up.
00:15:08.000 What do you mean?
00:15:09.000 If I'm on my back and you're on top of me and I scramble and I get it that we both stand up together, that's a huge feat in itself.
00:15:18.000 Maybe not that exciting.
00:15:21.000 The only way you should get up is if you got up.
00:15:23.000 It shouldn't be the referee stands you up.
00:15:25.000 I hate all that shit.
00:15:26.000 I've always said that if If someone like Brock Lesnar can take you down and molest you for five minutes, then that's tough shit.
00:15:33.000 Tough shit.
00:15:33.000 He's got you on your back.
00:15:35.000 You have to figure out a way to get back up to your feet.
00:15:37.000 And if you can't, it's five minutes of him punching you in the face.
00:15:40.000 And that's life.
00:15:41.000 And if your technique to avoid that is to turn and run in circles so he can't tackle you...
00:15:46.000 Then do it.
00:15:47.000 Then that's it too.
00:15:48.000 It is what it is.
00:15:51.000 And believe me, what's going to decide your career is going to be fans.
00:15:57.000 And whether fans like your style, whether or not you sell tickets, whether or not you optimize your potential as a mixed martial artist.
00:16:04.000 And the fans are going to let you know whether or not they like your style.
00:16:07.000 And if you've got a boring-ass style, even if you like winning fights, nobody's going to give a shit.
00:16:11.000 They're not going to buy your pay-per-views.
00:16:12.000 And that's commerce.
00:16:15.000 That's how it's supposed to work.
00:16:17.000 It's supposed to be let the market dictate whether people like people or not.
00:16:23.000 Now, you said, you sent a clip the other day of tag team.
00:16:27.000 Oh, yeah.
00:16:28.000 But what do you think the evolution, if you were just to pretend the evolution, you think maybe in 40 years there'd be like maybe nunchucks on a rack, like on a hook on the side of the cage where then...
00:16:38.000 No.
00:16:39.000 No, because that's not as fun.
00:16:41.000 The fun thing is man to man, no weapons.
00:16:43.000 That's what, I mean, you could go to Roman gladiator style, have dudes have sword fights, and that would be, certainly be fucking crazy, but ultimately, I don't think it would be as enjoyable.
00:16:52.000 It would just be more fucked up, because your champions wouldn't survive.
00:16:55.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:16:56.000 Unless the guy was Miyamoto Musashi.
00:16:58.000 You know, Musashi beat 62 men in sword fights.
00:17:01.000 But unless you're Musashi, you know, what's going to happen?
00:17:05.000 You're going to get fucking sliced up.
00:17:06.000 You know what sucks about that tag team idea is half the people probably think that's a great idea.
00:17:11.000 Because they all came from wrestling.
00:17:12.000 No, they don't.
00:17:13.000 Yeah, but all those wrestling fans are like, fucking tag team jiu-jitsu?
00:17:16.000 No, go to the YouTube clip that I posted up on tag team MMA. Every fucking comment is, what the fuck is this gay shit?
00:17:24.000 What is this?
00:17:25.000 What happened then?
00:17:26.000 What happened from the transition of wrestling thinking that's an awesome idea to all those fans?
00:17:30.000 Well, wrestling's fake.
00:17:31.000 I know, but...
00:17:33.000 I mean, basically, the real evolution is war.
00:17:37.000 It's like football.
00:17:38.000 It's like a team of MMA guys on one side of the field.
00:17:41.000 Yeah, that's true.
00:17:42.000 I got a Hulk Hogan story for you, by the way.
00:17:45.000 When we were at the UFC, he sat right in front of me.
00:17:47.000 And he has this really weird hair where it looks like it's a wig almost.
00:17:50.000 But he pulled out a comb.
00:17:52.000 And during the UFC, the whole time, he was just combing the back of his hair.
00:17:56.000 And just kind of going like this and flipping it over his shoulder.
00:17:59.000 And I was just like, is this really the Hulk Hogan that I know?
00:18:03.000 He's combing his hair.
00:18:04.000 Well, he probably does it for, it's probably a show.
00:18:07.000 Like part of his image.
00:18:09.000 Image is combing.
00:18:10.000 You know, because he's silly.
00:18:12.000 He's always on.
00:18:12.000 When he's out in public, you know, he's the Hulkster.
00:18:15.000 Dude, interviewing him was the shit.
00:18:17.000 How was that?
00:18:18.000 He was fucking awesome, man.
00:18:19.000 He was a really nice guy, huh?
00:18:21.000 He was a great guy.
00:18:21.000 A real nice guy.
00:18:22.000 Every interview...
00:18:23.000 Well, not every interview you've done.
00:18:25.000 I saw you interview.
00:18:27.000 There's been a fight in the stands right before you go to talk to them.
00:18:31.000 It happened with Sylvester Stallone.
00:18:34.000 You interviewed Rocky.
00:18:35.000 And there was a thing...
00:18:38.000 Did it happen with Hulk?
00:18:39.000 There's always a little moment right before...
00:18:42.000 It's funny.
00:18:43.000 I guess, or to make it more realistic, maybe you could have cage fighting or where you have the two fighters and then random people standing around like a bar fight.
00:18:52.000 So then you'd have to worry about throwing a punch back and having...
00:18:55.000 It's going to be robots MMA in the future.
00:18:57.000 No.
00:18:58.000 No, it's going to be human-chimp hybrids. 0.99
00:19:00.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:19:01.000 That's what it is.
00:19:02.000 People are going to infuse their body with chimp DNA. They're going to be able to jump over the top of the cage. 1.00
00:19:08.000 They're going to be so much stronger and faster.
00:19:11.000 There's definitely going to be genetic engineering in the future.
00:19:15.000 And when genetic engineering becomes a reality...
00:19:17.000 Forget about steroids.
00:19:19.000 Steroids are going to be nonsense.
00:19:20.000 It's going to be nothing.
00:19:21.000 When they get myostatin inhibitors...
00:19:24.000 You ever seen the video of...
00:19:26.000 There's a couple of kids that have been born with myostatin problems, and what happens is they develop an extreme amount of muscle.
00:19:36.000 There's Whippets. 1.00
00:19:37.000 There's a dog called the Whippet, and they breed these dogs to try to make them fast, to make them sleek and run fast.
00:19:44.000 And occasionally, they have an error in their genetics and they get giant muscles.
00:19:49.000 They don't even look real, they look photoshopped, but it's a real dog.
00:19:53.000 Like super roided up and shredded and no fat.
00:19:57.000 I mean, it's incredible.
00:19:58.000 That's awesome.
00:19:59.000 But they've done it already to mice.
00:20:01.000 They've engineered mice so that these mice have this myostatin inhibitor situation going on and they have giant muscles and they live longer.
00:20:11.000 I mean...
00:20:13.000 I'm all for it, man.
00:20:14.000 I hope all that stuff comes around right around the time when I'm in my 60s, 70s.
00:20:19.000 It's going to happen, man.
00:20:20.000 I'm going to Sylvester Stallone.
00:20:22.000 Well, everything is going in a direction where, like science fiction, like the things that we thought of as being completely ridiculous in the 1980s, the stuff that you would see in a movie, I mean, it's all real now.
00:20:35.000 I mean, you see that new Microsoft Touch thing where they have a table and you can put something on the table and it recognizes what that something is and gives you information on it.
00:20:45.000 I mean, that's like minority report type shit.
00:20:48.000 I mean, this is all that's going to happen.
00:20:50.000 I was talking about that new cell phone idea that Nokia has where it's a phone that you're talking and then you flip it on your wrist when you're done.
00:20:57.000 It turns into jewelry.
00:20:59.000 Yeah, and it wraps around you somehow?
00:21:02.000 Yeah, it's like those bracelets, those old metal bracelets you used to flip on your wrist, you know, like girls would have them. 1.00
00:21:07.000 But it's a cell phone, it's a bendable LCD, and they just happened in it the other day.
00:21:11.000 And it's pretty much what it is.
00:21:13.000 They can un-straighten it out, use it as a phone, and then when they're done, you just flip it on your wrist.
00:21:17.000 I saw the, they had this, what's that, Neo Technology where they took shark skin, how it's all bladed, and they made this suit that's almost unstabbable and stuff for like soldiers, where you wear, almost like a wetsuit, but nothing can get through it.
00:21:33.000 So it's like Kevlar.
00:21:34.000 Kevlar, but it's thinner and stuff than it's ever been before, so you can wear it as a full body.
00:21:39.000 And you can't stab someone with it.
00:21:41.000 Well, regular Kevlar can be stabbed straight on, you know, with a knife.
00:21:45.000 You can get through Kevlar.
00:21:46.000 But this is some...
00:21:47.000 Shark skin is what some guy invented.
00:21:50.000 He invented it to stop shark attacks.
00:21:53.000 But it's not that chain mail stuff.
00:21:54.000 It's like a wetsuit that can't be...
00:21:57.000 So now they're messing with that stuff.
00:21:59.000 One day they're going to have a real Iron Man suit.
00:22:01.000 Yeah, right?
00:22:02.000 That's what shit's going to be crazy.
00:22:03.000 If they don't already.
00:22:06.000 Or all the guys are going to look like Halo, the dudes from Halo, definitely.
00:22:10.000 That's what I think.
00:22:11.000 All that technology.
00:22:12.000 I think it's going to be like Star Wars where you're going to have a helmet that you pull out so you can't breathe the air outside and stuff.
00:22:18.000 Well, yeah, there's going to be that, but I think most of the war is going to be fought like what the CIA is doing in Pakistan right now.
00:22:24.000 They've got drones.
00:22:25.000 These drones are flying over Pakistan just launching missiles down on people.
00:22:29.000 The bottom line is that all things accelerate.
00:22:32.000 No things stay exactly where they are and the only time they degress is when there's a gigantic natural catastrophe or you know somebody blows up a bunch of nuclear weapons and you know we go back to being fucking cavemen.
00:22:45.000 I mean that's the only way things are gonna decelerate.
00:22:47.000 But the way things are going right now they're gonna move in a crazier and crazier direction.
00:22:52.000 Faster and faster too.
00:22:53.000 We went from Bows and arrows, to guns, to cannons, to...
00:22:58.000 And it keeps going and going and going, and now it's fucking drones that fire missiles from the sky.
00:23:03.000 I mean, that's...
00:23:04.000 And then, you know, like the Star Wars program that they were trying to do during the Reagan administration, you know, they were trying to have it so that they have satellites that can shoot down missiles from space.
00:23:14.000 But apparently that was all bullshit.
00:23:16.000 Apparently that never really worked, and apparently...
00:23:18.000 There's a gigantic conspiracy...
00:23:20.000 Wrapped around the scientists that were involved in the Star Wars program.
00:23:24.000 Because apparently a fuckload of them have died under suspicious causes.
00:23:29.000 Oh, really?
00:23:30.000 Yeah.
00:23:30.000 If you Google it, anybody who wants to Google it, we can Google it right now and I'll put up a link for you guys.
00:23:37.000 But I don't know if this is a legit...
00:23:39.000 Obviously, I don't know if it's a legit conspiracy theory.
00:23:44.000 But the Star Wars scientists...
00:23:47.000 On a side note, on the conspiracy theory stuff that you talk about, is there one site if you, let's say you're a new guy?
00:23:53.000 Adams Jones.
00:23:54.000 Black helicopters.
00:23:55.000 Infowars.com, ladies and gentlemen.
00:23:57.000 Infowars.
00:23:58.000 Geo Marconi scientist, death conspiracy theorist.
00:24:01.000 Mystery of the dead scientist conspiracy.
00:24:03.000 Hmm.
00:24:04.000 Wikipedia has a little page on it.
00:24:07.000 Between 1982 and 1990, 25 British-based GEC Marconi scientists and engineers who work Oh, that's a stingray.
00:24:15.000 Oh, yeah.
00:24:16.000 Star Wars Defense Initiative.
00:24:17.000 Yeah.
00:24:19.000 Died under mysterious circumstances.
00:24:21.000 Wow.
00:24:22.000 Police investigations found his death to be unconnected.
00:24:26.000 Oh, wow.
00:24:26.000 The same police that are out tasering grandmas and shit?
00:24:30.000 Is that who did it?
00:24:32.000 It's probably the snacks out of the vending machine.
00:24:35.000 Star Wars is probably how AIDS was created.
00:24:37.000 There's so many sites on this, I don't even want to link it.
00:24:40.000 Because I just...
00:24:41.000 Yeah, you know what I'll do?
00:24:42.000 I'll link the Google search.
00:24:43.000 So you do your own work.
00:24:46.000 Because who the fuck knows how many of these guys are completely crazy.
00:24:52.000 So I just sent it up there.
00:24:53.000 Who knows?
00:24:55.000 Who knows how many guys are completely out of their fucking mind.
00:24:58.000 And who knows?
00:25:00.000 Whether or not it's real, you know?
00:25:02.000 Star Wars was Reagan, right?
00:25:04.000 Yeah.
00:25:05.000 Well, the Reagan administration was famous for a bunch of secret shit that was going on.
00:25:12.000 This is Reagan introducing Star Wars, his announcement of what it was back in the day.
00:25:17.000 Yeah.
00:25:18.000 What, are you showing it?
00:25:19.000 Yeah.
00:25:20.000 What, are you going to show a video or something?
00:25:21.000 Don't do that.
00:25:22.000 Nobody gives a fuck.
00:25:23.000 Don't put that up.
00:25:24.000 Okay.
00:25:25.000 Star Wars.
00:25:26.000 The whole thing...
00:25:28.000 Why not?
00:25:29.000 We can show people them introducing Star Wars.
00:25:31.000 Because I don't want to play them.
00:25:34.000 It was just a program where they shot, supposedly had satellites that could shoot down missiles from space.
00:25:42.000 But apparently it was never functional.
00:25:44.000 Never proven.
00:25:46.000 To be effective.
00:25:47.000 They spent billions and billions of dollars on it.
00:25:50.000 And all these scientists dying, the big theory was that, you know, these guys knew too much and they knew that it was horseshit and so they had to kill them off before they talked.
00:25:58.000 I wouldn't put it past them.
00:26:01.000 You know, you get the CIA involved, and if you ever read Confessions of an Economic Hitman, and you find out the shit that our government does to other countries, they'd kill scientists.
00:26:12.000 They'd kill anybody.
00:26:12.000 They don't give a fuck.
00:26:14.000 They're the same people that wanted us to go to war in Iraq and were willing to lie about weapons of mass destruction.
00:26:20.000 Everybody's going on and on about September 11th.
00:26:23.000 Do you really think the government would allow innocent people to die during September 11th so they could go to war?
00:26:29.000 I don't know, but do you really think they believed there was weapons of mass destruction?
00:26:33.000 Do you really think that we're over in Iraq and Afghanistan for good reasons that benefit you and I? No.
00:26:39.000 And millions of people have died because of that.
00:26:41.000 At least a million Iraqi civilians have died because of that.
00:26:45.000 And so, if they're willing to do that, you don't think they're willing to kill a few thousand here and there?
00:26:49.000 Of course they are.
00:26:51.000 And forget about the few thousand that died during 9-11.
00:26:54.000 The million people that died in Iraq are human beings.
00:26:57.000 They're just as legitimate as the people that died in the Twin Towers.
00:27:01.000 I mean, it's all completely ridiculous.
00:27:04.000 Someone says, can we change topic to something fun?
00:27:07.000 Allah be praised is his name.
00:27:10.000 Somebody said, please look up the definition of literally.
00:27:14.000 You, Mike, and Dana use that word too much and you don't know what it means.
00:27:18.000 Oh, how do you know what I know?
00:27:20.000 What's that?
00:27:22.000 The literal translation.
00:27:23.000 I know what literal means.
00:27:24.000 You know, I was talking to somebody recently who has a Joe Rogan UFC drinking game where...
00:27:31.000 If the guy gets rocked?
00:27:32.000 No.
00:27:33.000 He pre-watched it.
00:27:35.000 I forgot what it said.
00:27:36.000 He pre-watched it and then bet his friends BJ Penn Spider Monkey Lakes.
00:27:48.000 It's kind of a weird random one.
00:27:50.000 I don't know if you've ever said...
00:27:51.000 I've never heard that.
00:27:52.000 I might have said it.
00:27:53.000 You know, when you do 100 UFCs, I might have said that one day and forgot I said it.
00:27:59.000 He doesn't have spider monster.
00:28:00.000 Listen to this guy, there's no such thing as a legit conspiracy theory.
00:28:04.000 Okay smart man, like you fucking know.
00:28:07.000 How funny are people?
00:28:08.000 There's no such thing as real conspiracy theory.
00:28:11.000 Of course there are stupid.
00:28:12.000 Look up the Gulf of Tonkin.
00:28:14.000 The Gulf of Tonkin incident is a real conspiracy theory where the government really did lie and say that there was an attack on American citizens and that's what got us into the Vietnam War.
00:28:25.000 Look up the Northwoods document.
00:28:28.000 The Northwoods document is a real conspiracy that the Joint Chiefs of Staff drafted up and signed and then it was vetoed by Kennedy and what it was was basically they were trying to get people enthusiastic about a war with Cuba and they were gonna plan a tax on American civilians.
00:28:45.000 They were gonna blow up an airliner and blame it on Cuba and say that Americans were on board They were going to attack ships.
00:28:52.000 They were going to attack Guantanamo Bay.
00:28:55.000 They were going to throw mortars into Guantanamo Bay, and they were ready for U.S. casualties, which meant they were willing to kill Americans in order to get us to go to war with Cuba. 0.75
00:29:05.000 These are real!
00:29:07.000 How about fucking cigarettes?
00:29:09.000 You want a real conspiracy theory?
00:29:10.000 How come politicians all want to talk about drugs and we need to keep drugs out of schools? 0.74
00:29:16.000 Drugs in this country can't even fucking come close to the death and destruction and health problems that cigarettes have caused.
00:29:22.000 But yet, you don't hear a fucking peep out of those guys about cigarettes.
00:29:25.000 Cigarettes kill 400,000 people a year.
00:29:29.000 in this country alone every fucking year that's a real legit conspiracy where no one is talking about it and the reason why they're not talking about is because tobacco companies Finance campaigns of politicians.
00:29:41.000 Those are conspiracies.
00:29:43.000 What a conspiracy is is someone conspires to do something.
00:29:46.000 There's hundreds of legit conspiracies.
00:29:48.000 Look up the Iran-Contra affair.
00:29:50.000 Look up the fact that Oliver North and all those guys were involved in doing illegal shit in order to help...
00:29:58.000 I just watched a thing where they were bringing cocaine into the US. Well, that's the accusation and there's a bunch of books that have been written on that and CIA agents.
00:30:07.000 There's a guy named Gary Webb who's got a bunch of shit on that.
00:30:11.000 And there was a dude named Barry Seal who actually was bringing in cocaine from other countries, got caught, and when he was about to go to trial, was murdered.
00:30:19.000 And that was to go, they bring in coke from those Afghanistan-type countries to help support them to fight the Russians. 0.98
00:30:28.000 Yeah, and here's another one.
00:30:30.000 People say, oh man, the CIA is good, they help us.
00:30:33.000 Sure, some CIA... I'm sure do that, but the CIA, one of the planes that's been to Guantanamo Bay crashed last year in Mexico with four tons of cocaine.
00:30:49.000 I'm going to put up that link.
00:30:50.000 Yeah, and it didn't even fucking make the news, man.
00:30:53.000 It made Reuters, and it didn't make any of the big news programs.
00:30:58.000 I'll put up that link for you guys.
00:31:00.000 But this is a fucking CIA plane.
00:31:04.000 Mike Rupert was the LA cop that busted that.
00:31:07.000 Yeah.
00:31:10.000 Yeah, they had a special on HBO something, the two, because there were two black dudes that were the ones that all funneled through. 0.57
00:31:16.000 Yeah.
00:31:21.000 The bottom line about human beings, though, is that people are so lackadaisical when it comes to shit.
00:31:26.000 It's just so, you know, that stuff could be on the news and people would care more about John and Kate.
00:31:33.000 You know?
00:31:34.000 Right.
00:31:35.000 John has to pay $10,000 a month in child support and alimony.
00:31:38.000 How's he going to do it?
00:31:39.000 And that would be big news.
00:31:41.000 Whereas people wouldn't give a fuck about the CIA selling drugs.
00:31:45.000 All you have to do is have one person on television say it's bullshit and that's all you need to get 90% of the people to believe it.
00:31:52.000 And a lot of those shows, a lot of the news ones, there's people, that's what they do for a living.
00:31:57.000 They say they can put their name in a database to be an expert about whatever.
00:32:01.000 And then CNN or Fox will go, we need a guy that knows about...
00:32:05.000 And then you're the expert on drug addiction.
00:32:08.000 It's been proven that oil companies have hired scientists to dispute the fact that human beings have created global warming.
00:32:17.000 Who the fuck knows whether or not they're right or wrong when it comes to global warming and most people that argue it They argue it from the point of being a conservative or being a liberal.
00:32:24.000 Liberals always say we have to stop, and conservatives say there's no connection.
00:32:28.000 And that's just because they're a bunch of fucking parrots.
00:32:30.000 They hear all these different people, Rush Limbaugh or whoever on the radio, saying that there's no connection, that you're these silly liberals, and they just repeat the same dumb shit.
00:32:39.000 And conservatives, Do that.
00:32:41.000 And then liberals, they see that fucking Al Gore cocksucker and they go, Al Gore said that...
00:32:45.000 Meanwhile, Al Gore's made a billion dollars off of this fucking climate gate.
00:32:49.000 If you look at what Al Gore has made, the money that Al Gore's made since The Inconvenient Truth came out, it's fucking staggering.
00:32:56.000 He's made an incredible amount of money off of this.
00:32:58.000 And the people that would benefit from all these carbon taxes, I mean, they're setting this up to make money, and that's what they're doing.
00:33:04.000 No one's doing this.
00:33:05.000 I'm sure there's a few scientists that are doing it with the right intentions, but most of the politicians that are pushing this, they have ulterior motives, and they're trying to make money off of this shit.
00:33:15.000 Hey, Joe Rogan, did you hear JohnnyBananas21 at gmail.com says, did you hear that the Y chromosome is evolving faster than the X chromosome?
00:33:25.000 That's because we're men, bitch. 1.00
00:33:27.000 Johnny Bananas.
00:33:28.000 We're the only ones with the Y. The women don't get the Y. The Y is the future. 1.00
00:33:33.000 I just saw a documentary about that males are disappearing because of all the chemicals.
00:33:40.000 Yeah, I've heard that too.
00:33:41.000 That's why guys act more girlish now.
00:33:44.000 If you look at...
00:33:46.000 Well, that's a surplus of men.
00:33:49.000 When there's a surplus of men, men act more aggressive and grow more facial hair and become more masculine and have more testosterone.
00:33:58.000 When there's a surplus of women, men tend to relax and they tend to be more feminine and they tend to shave more and be more metrosexual. 0.98
00:34:06.000 Yeah, this one was about all the chemicals that probably our parents or our parents' parents did in the 60s, all the plastics and all that kind of stuff, where they said it wasn't bad for you.
00:34:17.000 Now they realize it is and for some reason that those chemicals Affect men more like they found me these alligators that live by let's say doll in in the in the swamps had smaller balls then alligators You know generations earlier that all those chemicals were shrinking the alligator balls I don't know what job you have that that's your guy that you know one guy goes I'm gonna measure it alligator balls Yeah.
00:34:45.000 But that's what they say.
00:34:47.000 It's from all the chemicals and stuff.
00:34:48.000 That men are acting less like men and producing more sperm.
00:34:52.000 More sperm? 0.53
00:34:53.000 Less.
00:34:54.000 No, less sperm. 0.90
00:34:55.000 So young guys now have less sperm than their dads probably have, which it should be.
00:35:00.000 Well, that's the internet.
00:35:02.000 We're getting rid of more sperm than our dads. 0.98
00:35:09.000 I didn't jerk off that much?
00:35:11.000 You didn't have as much to jerk off with.
00:35:12.000 I bet it's much more difficult for your dad to be obsessive about masturbation because they used to have to set up a projector, pull the shades down, pull the screen, run that little 16mm, watch some black and white old ladies. 0.99
00:35:25.000 Less molestation nowadays, too.
00:35:28.000 I wonder what the odds are.
00:35:31.000 I bet it's down.
00:35:32.000 I don't think it's down.
00:35:33.000 You don't think?
00:35:33.000 Or go even back further than that.
00:35:35.000 That was guys had to put up the projector, but even though the guys before that had to...
00:35:39.000 Paint stuff on walls and caves.
00:35:42.000 There's way more people now.
00:35:45.000 So there's way more molestation.
00:35:46.000 But per capita?
00:35:48.000 I wonder.
00:35:50.000 The Japanese believe that if you show all that shit, you show rape and molestation and crazy sex.
00:35:56.000 That's why they're into schoolgirls and all that shit. 1.00
00:35:58.000 They feel like it gets it out of your system.
00:36:00.000 That if you watch violence in video and movie form, that somehow or another it gets it out of your system.
00:36:05.000 Why do they blur all their porn now?
00:36:08.000 They only blur the pubes. 1.00
00:36:09.000 Yeah, that's weird.
00:36:10.000 It is weird.
00:36:10.000 Very weird.
00:36:11.000 It's like, wait, you're allowed to get fucked by a tentacle, but you can't see it?
00:36:15.000 Can't you see pussy, or do you not see it? 1.00
00:36:17.000 No, the whole thing's blurred.
00:36:18.000 It's all that bad witness reload.
00:36:21.000 But if you squint, like in the old days in the news, if you squint, you can see this stuff.
00:36:24.000 And then I find myself squinting, going, there's other porn that I could be watching that's way more...
00:36:30.000 Like that old-school kind of French, kind of European porn? 0.60
00:36:34.000 Yeah.
00:36:34.000 Do you remember when you were, when you were, the old days, when you would go on the road, and you would go to hotel rooms, and the dirty movies would be scrambled?
00:36:42.000 Yeah.
00:36:43.000 But they would only be like wiggly.
00:36:45.000 Yeah, and you could almost...
00:36:45.000 You'd go a line through them, and you'd see like a tit, and you'd see like a dick that would go in a mouth, and you'd have enough to jerk off to.
00:36:52.000 You used to be able to those, you used to be able to get like a three or four minute preview to see if you wanted, so you'd have ten...
00:36:59.000 Done by the time that preview.
00:37:01.000 Yeah, you hit the second preview.
00:37:03.000 I was proud of myself.
00:37:04.000 I would get hard, and then as the preview was going, I would be done 15 seconds.
00:37:09.000 Or it's weird with the VHS. If you borrowed porn from somebody, you could see what their thing was.
00:37:14.000 Because when you put it in and hit play, whatever scene, you know that they just hit stop after they were done.
00:37:19.000 So you're like, really?
00:37:20.000 That's the thing?
00:37:21.000 Yeah, did someone have a bit about that?
00:37:23.000 I don't know.
00:37:23.000 I think Chris Rock had a bit about that.
00:37:24.000 About how he turned out one of his porns.
00:37:28.000 And he had left it at a certain scene, but then, because it was a VHS tape, but then when he went to it the next time, it was a different scene.
00:37:35.000 It's like, someone's been watching my shit.
00:37:37.000 Oh, that's funny.
00:37:38.000 It's so true, right?
00:37:40.000 That was, yeah.
00:37:41.000 I remember renting VCRs.
00:37:44.000 This is like, we were 18 and a half.
00:37:45.000 You'd rent VCRs and then leave it in there when you take it back or something.
00:37:50.000 Or you'd rip off of the...
00:37:52.000 I remember at birthday parties my mom would go to the library and rent a movie projector just to show movies at my birthday party.
00:38:00.000 Do you think the CIA had a hand in Gary Webb's death?
00:38:04.000 I don't know the story behind Gary Webb's death.
00:38:07.000 How did Gary Webb die?
00:38:09.000 So, the iTablet's going to be announced next week, supposedly by Apple, and they don't know what the name is.
00:38:15.000 It's like iSlate or iPad, and I'm sitting in bed at like 4 in the morning, and I'm like thinking, what could it be called?
00:38:21.000 And I'm thinking, why wouldn't they call it like iTab?
00:38:23.000 What if they call it iTab?
00:38:24.000 It's not like I go online and buy itab.tv, just in case, you know...
00:38:29.000 I'm addicted to domain names.
00:38:31.000 It's ridiculous.
00:38:32.000 I've got like 8 trillion that I would never use for any reason.
00:38:36.000 Do you really?
00:38:36.000 Do you have a lot?
00:38:36.000 What's some of them that you own?
00:38:39.000 I've owned...
00:38:40.000 Let's see.
00:38:41.000 This is back in AOL days.
00:38:44.000 Obviously, I never did.
00:38:45.000 LOL. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:38:46.000 Stop, stop, stop.
00:38:47.000 This Gary Webb guy that they're asking, that they were talking about, the whole dropped all the stuff about the CIA and the Contras and everything...
00:38:57.000 Committed suicide, according to the coroner.
00:39:00.000 Shot himself in the face twice.
00:39:06.000 Well, if it didn't work the first time, you're definitely like, No, why am I still alive?
00:39:11.000 I guess, yeah.
00:39:13.000 That was the guy that said all the...
00:39:14.000 The cocaine guy?
00:39:17.000 Credible Sources...
00:39:18.000 Yeah, this is the guy that was releasing all the information about the CIA selling cocaine.
00:39:25.000 Yeah.
00:39:26.000 Alright, hold on a second.
00:39:27.000 I'll copy this.
00:39:28.000 I'll paste it for you guys.
00:39:30.000 Yeah, that was an interesting, uh...
00:39:32.000 Because when the Iran-Contra stuff was going on, I think I was like, you know, 11 or 12, you know, in there.
00:39:38.000 Yeah, I had an Oliver North for President t-shirt.
00:39:41.000 Yeah, I didn't even...
00:39:44.000 That's interesting.
00:39:47.000 Dude, shot himself in the fucking face twice.
00:39:49.000 That's hardcore.
00:39:51.000 Ooh! 0.96
00:39:53.000 Ouch.
00:39:55.000 Mmm.
00:39:56.000 Who knows?
00:39:57.000 Anyway, what are you talking about?
00:39:58.000 The iTablet?
00:40:00.000 No, our addiction to domain names.
00:40:03.000 What's some domain names that you buy?
00:40:06.000 I'll think of something usually when I'm really stoned.
00:40:09.000 Did you buy John Heffron's socks?
00:40:11.000 John Heffron's a fag? 0.97
00:40:12.000 John Heffron's a loser?
00:40:13.000 I should've.
00:40:15.000 Or scam?
00:40:16.000 John Heffron's scam?
00:40:17.000 Because you always see those at the first.
00:40:19.000 Whatever you're looking, you always see the word scam at the top, and then when you click on whatever it is, it's just pro whatever you're looking.
00:40:27.000 Because I think naturally, if you're looking to buy something, you see the scam, you're like, well, I'll go to the negative first.
00:40:33.000 Some dude said it was Doug Stanhope's bit about his mom with the porno.
00:40:37.000 That makes sense.
00:40:39.000 You know what's awful?
00:40:39.000 There's a company called Ripoff Report.
00:40:42.000 And this is like, I don't know how this is legal at all.
00:40:45.000 If somebody's mad at your company or something like that, they can put something on there.
00:40:50.000 And what this company does is it uses spam techniques where it spams like message boards and all this shit all day long.
00:40:58.000 So Google puts it on the top of your list.
00:41:00.000 So my friend has a fashion company that does like dresses and stuff like that.
00:41:05.000 And the first thing that comes up when you Google is rip-off report.
00:41:08.000 This person's ripping you off and blah, blah, blah.
00:41:10.000 And my friend's like, how do I get rid of this?
00:41:13.000 And they're like, well, if you give us $2,000, we'll take it off.
00:41:17.000 It's like...
00:41:18.000 What?
00:41:18.000 Yeah.
00:41:19.000 Hold on a second.
00:41:20.000 So the company that reports on people for scams, they're basically just extorting people?
00:41:25.000 Yes.
00:41:26.000 It's called rip-off report.
00:41:27.000 And the funny thing is...
00:41:28.000 You can pay them and they'll take it down?
00:41:30.000 They'll take your name off of it.
00:41:32.000 Holy shit.
00:41:33.000 It's called ripoffreport.com and it seems like it's a legit company.
00:41:37.000 So if you have a problem with somebody's business or something like that, you can write a letter like, this person ripped me off and stuff like that.
00:41:44.000 But that's extortion.
00:41:45.000 How is that legal?
00:41:46.000 It is extortion.
00:41:46.000 And if you go online, there's a lot of people suing this company.
00:41:49.000 There's about 12 different lawsuits going on for this company right now.
00:41:51.000 But she's been trying everything to get this shit off. 1.00
00:41:55.000 She was on TV the other day.
00:41:57.000 It doesn't matter.
00:41:58.000 Still, first thing you Google her name, it comes up.
00:42:00.000 What is her name?
00:42:02.000 Michelle Wendell.
00:42:03.000 M-I-C-H-E-L-L-E Wendell.
00:42:08.000 W-E-N-D-E-L-E. And somebody like that, I don't know how successful, but either way, people like that don't have the money to go after them.
00:42:19.000 That's pretty expensive.
00:42:20.000 I was going to sue a company recently.
00:42:24.000 And it was just, it ended up being just so much money that you had to go, well, do I want to use that just to say that I'm right?
00:42:31.000 Or do you just say, you know?
00:42:33.000 Both of those people are ex-employees, too, that wrote those things.
00:42:37.000 Really?
00:42:37.000 That she fired.
00:42:38.000 That makes sense.
00:42:40.000 Yeah, it seems like there'd be some kind of libel or something.
00:42:45.000 Yeah, well, they're getting sued, but...
00:42:46.000 With who?
00:42:47.000 Ari.
00:42:48.000 Okay.
00:42:50.000 But the whole thing that's weird about it is that it's like...
00:42:54.000 What was I even talking about?
00:42:56.000 Ari Shafir is here.
00:42:58.000 Ari Shafir just showed up, ladies and gentlemen.
00:43:02.000 That crazy Jew. 1.00
00:43:03.000 We didn't even call him and tell him to come here.
00:43:05.000 I have a special guest.
00:43:06.000 My special guest this week is John Heffron.
00:43:08.000 It's not Ari Shafir.
00:43:11.000 What is that, Mumbles?
00:43:14.000 Well, Ari Shafir came because probably he knows I got the best weed. 0.99
00:43:18.000 Hey, let's talk about Ari's latest Twitter. 0.94
00:43:20.000 What's his latest Twitter?
00:43:21.000 I've had a lot of people ask me.
00:43:23.000 How many percentages of Artie's Twitters have to do with suicide?
00:43:27.000 Or, no, I was going to say shitting of some type.
00:43:30.000 Of something leaving his bone hole.
00:43:32.000 Yeah, he talks about...
00:43:34.000 Someone says, I'm disappointed that you're not getting high.
00:43:36.000 The reason why we're not getting high was because, up until a few moments ago, my little baby was in the house, and my mommy and the baby, and we're in the media room right now, and there's no ventilation up in this bitch. 1.00
00:43:51.000 Hi, Ari's down here with a shotgun in his mouth. 1.00
00:43:56.000 He's been doing all this suicide shit lately.
00:43:58.000 It's so annoying.
00:43:59.000 Hi.
00:44:01.000 No, she's coming to get you.
00:44:05.000 You've got to call her, honey.
00:44:06.000 John, where are you at next?
00:44:08.000 Where are you at this weekend?
00:44:10.000 I'm nowhere this weekend.
00:44:13.000 And then I'm in Nashville the following week.
00:44:17.000 Have you thought ever about deleting your MySpace?
00:44:20.000 I'm actually to the point where I'm thinking about deleting my MySpace.
00:44:23.000 I still put up blogs.
00:44:25.000 I still will take a blog.
00:44:26.000 Whenever I put a blog, I'll throw it nine out of ten times.
00:44:29.000 I'll throw it up on MySpace as well.
00:44:31.000 Just because I think more people...
00:44:33.000 A few more will read it.
00:44:34.000 Yeah, I like the MySpace because it has the dates and you don't have to be a fan to actually see the dates.
00:44:39.000 You don't have to be a fan to see the dates.
00:44:41.000 You see, there's two different things.
00:44:42.000 Facebook's really confusing.
00:44:44.000 There's a fan page.
00:44:45.000 I have a fan page.
00:44:46.000 And there's something else that you don't have to be a fan to see the dates.
00:44:50.000 Oh, really?
00:44:50.000 Yeah.
00:44:52.000 What's the two?
00:44:52.000 It's a fan page and a group.
00:44:56.000 It's so annoying.
00:44:57.000 Facebook's so annoying with this.
00:44:58.000 You know what's made of the death of Facebook, by the way, is I don't want any more pillows sent to me.
00:45:03.000 I don't want any...
00:45:04.000 You can turn all that off.
00:45:05.000 I don't see any of that.
00:45:06.000 You turn off any kind of that.
00:45:07.000 Pillows are blessings.
00:45:09.000 I appreciate this.
00:45:10.000 How do you...
00:45:11.000 It's in your settings.
00:45:12.000 It's so confusing.
00:45:13.000 Yeah, like there's this pillow fight.
00:45:15.000 So you'll go to your thing and there'll be like 50 people hit you with pillows.
00:45:18.000 I'm going to find the dude who invented glitter tags.
00:45:21.000 Glitter tags?
00:45:22.000 Yeah, it's just...
00:45:23.000 I don't want anybody putting...
00:45:24.000 It's my wall.
00:45:25.000 Who would have ever thought that that would be popular?
00:45:27.000 Have you been to the mall?
00:45:29.000 Hey, let me glitter your iPhone.
00:45:31.000 You know?
00:45:32.000 Or people that can tag you.
00:45:34.000 I'll get comics that'll have their video on YouTube, and they'll tag me, and then suddenly their video of them on stage is on my...
00:45:42.000 It's like my property.
00:45:43.000 That's my grass.
00:45:44.000 Stay off of my grass.
00:45:45.000 Me and Joe were talking about this the other day.
00:45:47.000 We have a friend that doesn't want people to...
00:45:49.000 He's very private.
00:45:51.000 But since somebody just posted a photo of them, and now every single person that that person's friends with can see all these photos...
00:45:58.000 Yeah, you can go right to that photo even if it's private.
00:46:00.000 Yeah, Facebook's a mess.
00:46:01.000 Yeah, the security sayings are sketchy.
00:46:03.000 And there was a dude who was a former Facebook employee that was talking about it, you know, divulging all the information about how they do things.
00:46:10.000 Well, you know, that's how they're doing a lot of, people are seeing a lot of people's identity, is they'll go, you, and I'll get enough information from your site, Just in general, that I can then use that to piece mail.
00:46:22.000 Well, how about this?
00:46:23.000 A bunch of dudes are getting scammed.
00:46:25.000 This is very common.
00:46:27.000 Where guys are pretending to be chicks. 0.70
00:46:29.000 And they're pretending to be chicks online. 0.99
00:46:31.000 And some dude was posing as a Maxim model and scammed $15,000 out of some doctor in Florida.
00:46:36.000 Sent pictures.
00:46:37.000 Photoshopped naked pictures.
00:46:39.000 And apparently this dude had a girl's voice. 1.00
00:46:42.000 Like a really feminine voice.
00:46:43.000 Yeah.
00:46:44.000 I'll put up the link for you guys.
00:46:45.000 But it's fascinating how fucking gullible dudes are.
00:46:48.000 How the fuck do you not know?
00:46:50.000 Did you put up the link to somebody wanting to know about what you were talking about earlier with the mice?
00:46:56.000 No, I didn't put up the myostatin inhibitor thing, but I'll put it.
00:47:00.000 I'm going to put up this.
00:47:01.000 We can put a John Heffron Twitter up there, though, right?
00:47:04.000 I need followers.
00:47:05.000 John Heffron.
00:47:06.000 Follow John Heffron.
00:47:06.000 I just broke a thousand followers.
00:47:08.000 Finally.
00:47:09.000 God, that took forever.
00:47:11.000 I try to keep mine, too.
00:47:12.000 I go in spurts with Twitter.
00:47:13.000 Sometimes I want to Twitter three in a row, but then I'll feel bad and then won't do any for like a day or two.
00:47:18.000 But then I realize everybody's following a lot of people, so it's not that annoying.
00:47:23.000 Right.
00:47:24.000 It's weird how, like, it's so different, like, MySpace, I had no problem getting frames, you know, like, on, or whatever.
00:47:30.000 But with Twitter, people are a little bit more picky because they have to read your shit every day.
00:47:35.000 Say that again?
00:47:36.000 It's different how, like, Twitter, like, some people are huge on Twitter, you know, and you wouldn't think they are.
00:47:42.000 Like, Twitter makes no sense to me, like, numbers, why, you know, like, Ashton Kutcher is the most popular person.
00:47:47.000 Well, he's on magazines, and he goes on CNN, and he talks about his Twitter on CNN. Yeah, but so does Larry King every day, but he's not even a quarter of that.
00:47:55.000 Yeah, but Larry King's a fucking dinosaur.
00:47:57.000 Ah, Larry King.
00:47:59.000 Nobody gives a shit about Larry King.
00:48:01.000 The young people with Twitter don't give a fuck about Larry King, but they certainly give a fuck about Ashton Kutcher, that handsome devil with his elderly wife.
00:48:08.000 They love that dude.
00:48:11.000 I wonder how long he's going to keep her.
00:48:13.000 Because Ashton's only like fucking 27 years old, right?
00:48:16.000 Isn't he?
00:48:16.000 He's got me in his 30s now.
00:48:17.000 No, I think he's like, yeah, 30. Okay, let's say he's 35. She's 47. When he's 45, she's going to be 57. That's a tough sell.
00:48:27.000 Well, I think it's creepy that he hangs out with Bruce Willis.
00:48:30.000 He hangs out with Bruce Willis.
00:48:32.000 Yeah, like all the time they're doing videos and twitters again.
00:48:34.000 Maybe they suck Bruce Willis' dick.
00:48:36.000 Yeah, I think they all just fuck each other.
00:48:37.000 Maybe Bruce Willis takes out of Jimmy's ass and puts an ass in his mouth.
00:48:47.000 That is weird.
00:48:48.000 I don't want to hang around with some dude who made babies with my wife. 1.00
00:48:51.000 was fucking her like every night sleeping in bed with her and cuddling with her but you know what I'm not that open minded maybe Ashton's really open minded or maybe it's just like I can't believe I'm hanging out with Bruce Willis like hey this is awesome I'm in with the Hollywood crowd Bruce is so cool we hang out and party meanwhile Bruce is like Oh, I'll get you a beer.
00:49:12.000 Actually, Ashton's got a better career than Bruce nowadays.
00:49:14.000 How dare you?
00:49:15.000 How dare you with those terrible movies he makes?
00:49:18.000 How dare you say that?
00:49:19.000 Bruce fucking yippee-ki-yay motherfucker.
00:49:22.000 He's got a bigger career.
00:49:23.000 Shut up! 1.00
00:49:25.000 Shut your mouth, boy!
00:49:26.000 But, like, how many shows is Ashton fucking producing right now?
00:49:29.000 He produced the show that I did, Game Show in My Head.
00:49:32.000 He produced that.
00:49:33.000 And they all suck.
00:49:35.000 Every single one of them.
00:49:36.000 Bruce Willis is Bruce fucking Willis.
00:49:38.000 Have you seen the Butterfly Effect?
00:49:41.000 Yeah.
00:49:43.000 How many people have Ashton Kutcher saved in a movie?
00:49:48.000 Good point, man.
00:49:49.000 Saved.
00:49:50.000 I've never watched this movie.
00:49:51.000 I know, but I'm trying to...
00:49:52.000 The Butterfly Effect is probably not one.
00:49:54.000 Awesome comedy.
00:49:55.000 Have you seen that?
00:49:56.000 Yeah, you know...
00:49:57.000 Awesome unintentional comedy.
00:49:58.000 Bruce, what action flicks?
00:50:00.000 Okay, all the diehards. 0.96
00:50:01.000 You know, how many people has Ashton Kutcher killed in a movie?
00:50:03.000 How about, what is that movie?
00:50:04.000 The Monkey Movie?
00:50:05.000 18 Monkeys?
00:50:06.000 What was it?
00:50:07.000 12 Monkeys?
00:50:08.000 12 Monkeys or something.
00:50:08.000 That was a good movie.
00:50:09.000 11 Monkeys?
00:50:10.000 Yeah, 6 Monkeys.
00:50:11.000 That was a badass movie.
00:50:14.000 Didn't Bruce Willis save us in an asteroid?
00:50:16.000 Yeah, he probably got lost or died on the way over here.
00:50:19.000 His cheap-ass car probably didn't make it.
00:50:20.000 Yeah, that's because he's pretty selfish as far as movies.
00:50:23.000 He didn't save the world.
00:50:25.000 Do you have a video that we can play while we go for a weed break?
00:50:29.000 Oh, that's a good idea.
00:50:30.000 Does the video work, though?
00:50:32.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:50:33.000 I wasn't set up for that.
00:50:34.000 What can you play while we go do a weed break?
00:50:37.000 We're going to go pick up Ari, and we're going to go smoke some weed, and the show will be infinitely funnier in five minutes. 0.83
00:50:44.000 Let's play...
00:50:45.000 Global Thermal Nuclear War.
00:50:47.000 Ashton Kutcher's only 31 years old.
00:50:50.000 Shazam.
00:50:51.000 These bitches know what time it is. 1.00
00:50:53.000 Hold on, let me get something weird.
00:50:55.000 How often do I get pwned?
00:50:57.000 How do you say pwned in real life?
00:50:59.000 P-W-N-E-D. Someone wants to know how often I get tapped?
00:51:04.000 I get tapped at least every month.
00:51:05.000 At least once a month.
00:51:06.000 Last month I got tapped one, two...
00:51:11.000 Three times.
00:51:11.000 I got tapped three times last month.
00:51:13.000 And that was because moving back to L.A. from Colorado, I was out of shape.
00:51:17.000 I wasn't training that much.
00:51:19.000 And, you know, you roll with good guys.
00:51:20.000 You get tapped.
00:51:21.000 Especially when you're tired.
00:51:22.000 When you roll, like, after the first guy.
00:51:25.000 The first guy, you know, you drill.
00:51:27.000 The way we do it at Tenth Planet is you drill for the first half hour, 40 minutes.
00:51:32.000 And that gets you tired, but you still have good energy.
00:51:35.000 But then the first roll, you have full energy.
00:51:38.000 The first roll, you feel great.
00:51:40.000 But if you roll with a tough guy and everybody at 10th Planet, I mean, you're rolling with brown belts and purple belts.
00:51:45.000 All those dudes are tough.
00:51:46.000 All those dudes are capable of tapping you out. 1.00
00:51:47.000 And then it's a matter of how much endurance you have.
00:51:50.000 Because if you put yourself in bad positions, especially if you're pulling guard all the time, because I'm trying to work on my bottom game.
00:51:58.000 What?
00:51:59.000 Trying to work on my guard.
00:52:01.000 You get tapped.
00:52:02.000 I get tapped.
00:52:03.000 Shit.
00:52:03.000 I get tapped all the time.
00:52:05.000 Once a month.
00:52:05.000 If you don't get tapped, you're either not rolling with good people or you're not opening yourself up.
00:52:12.000 If you don't open your game up, you don't improve.
00:52:15.000 First of all, if I just wanted to get on top all the time and always hold position and not take any chances, you could go a year without getting tapped.
00:52:22.000 But...
00:52:23.000 If you want to learn and you want to develop your game, you can't worry about being tapped.
00:52:28.000 When you get tapped, you got to go, okay, that's one more way that I won't get tapped.
00:52:31.000 My friend Scott got me in this crazy arm bar from inside my guard.
00:52:36.000 I had him in my guard and he got me in an arm bar.
00:52:39.000 That's never happened to me before.
00:52:40.000 It's some crazy thing where...
00:52:42.000 As you scoop under the leg to try to toss the guy and get him in an arm bar, he has this way of locking your arm with his leg and he pulls on it.
00:52:49.000 It's real dangerous.
00:52:50.000 It felt like my elbow was going to go.
00:52:52.000 And I was like, you motherfucker.
00:52:53.000 I'm like, how'd you get that?
00:52:54.000 And then I had him show it to me.
00:52:56.000 But now, he tried to do it again the day before yesterday and he couldn't get me in it.
00:53:00.000 But it's just because he got me in it.
00:53:02.000 Hey, you got in.
00:53:03.000 Did you let yourself in?
00:53:04.000 Uh, she came.
00:53:05.000 Who came?
00:53:06.000 The housekeeper?
00:53:07.000 Yeah.
00:53:07.000 Powerful Shafir.
00:53:08.000 Ari Shafir, ladies and gentlemen, with Lola.
00:53:10.000 She's with Lola.
00:53:11.000 She refused to say hi.
00:53:12.000 Lola refused to say hi.
00:53:13.000 And then she was like, say hi.
00:53:14.000 And she goes, no.
00:53:16.000 Ari, do you got a video?
00:53:17.000 Yeah, looking for something good.
00:53:18.000 Ari Shafir is here.
00:53:19.000 Ari, come say hi to the American public. 0.99
00:53:21.000 Hi.
00:53:22.000 All 518 people.
00:53:23.000 You don't even know where the fuck we are.
00:53:24.000 We're over here.
00:53:25.000 Look at this.
00:53:25.000 Right here.
00:53:27.000 Art doesn't want to sit so close to me.
00:53:30.000 I'm too sexual.
00:53:31.000 It's weird.
00:53:32.000 Hi.
00:53:33.000 Yeah, it's not your stuff.
00:53:34.000 There's a delay.
00:53:35.000 Watch.
00:53:36.000 Here comes your goofy head.
00:53:37.000 It's going to come in.
00:53:38.000 There you are.
00:53:39.000 What about him?
00:53:46.000 I was looking for a video.
00:53:48.000 Oh, don't show that video.
00:53:53.000 Bring my Mastiff in. 0.99
00:53:55.000 He'll create problems.
00:53:57.000 Whenever I'm standing by that door, that gate, and I was like, come on in.
00:54:01.000 Not so I get the okay.
00:54:02.000 You're not going to have that killer's around and doesn't know me.
00:54:05.000 I need somebody who knows me.
00:54:07.000 I wouldn't come in if I saw Johnny.
00:54:09.000 Brutus is small.
00:54:11.000 He's not going to do anything, but...
00:54:13.000 If Johnny thought you were scared, he'd be like, what are you afraid of, bitch? 1.00
00:54:16.000 Yeah, he would take advantage.
00:54:19.000 How you doing that, Ron?
00:54:20.000 Good, man.
00:54:21.000 What's going on?
00:54:22.000 What did you find?
00:54:23.000 It's a six-minute special on how this local person is giving medical marijuana to his autistic kid legally.
00:54:32.000 Oh, yeah.
00:54:33.000 That's the one where the kid is all fucked up and he gives him little pieces of hash every day?
00:54:37.000 Yeah.
00:54:38.000 That's really interesting.
00:54:39.000 Yeah, it's six minutes long, so that'd be great.
00:54:40.000 Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to just show you a little clip of video so that we can go get high, and then when we come back, this is going to be a totally fucking different show. 0.65
00:54:49.000 Alright, talk further about it.
00:54:50.000 You feel me, bitches? 1.00
00:54:51.000 Wait, they're saying that it will cure autism or it will help autism?
00:54:55.000 It helps autism.
00:54:56.000 People that have autism, yeah, they're kids.
00:54:58.000 This guy has a medical marijuana prescription for his kid because his kid has autism.
00:55:03.000 And yeah, this is a local guy.
00:55:05.000 And nothing was working, nothing was helping.
00:55:07.000 And what are the positive effects?
00:55:09.000 The kid just relaxes.
00:55:10.000 It calmed him down.
00:55:11.000 You gonna go full screen with that bitch? 1.00
00:55:13.000 Yeah, hold on.
00:55:14.000 We're still working on it.
00:55:15.000 We're still trying to iron out the things.
00:55:16.000 This program's really clunky.
00:55:17.000 We need to get a good program into this.
00:55:19.000 We're trying to...
00:55:20.000 How smart is my Mastiff?
00:55:23.000 He's real smart.
00:55:23.000 We'll bring him in after the break.
00:55:26.000 Taking a break for a station identification?
00:55:28.000 Yeah, we gotta...
00:55:29.000 Time to pay some bills.
00:55:33.000 We'll be back.
00:55:34.000 You watch these sponsors.
00:55:39.000 The controversy over medical marijuana Did they get the sound?
00:55:45.000 One issue in particular, should children take it too?
00:55:49.000 Share Calvin here with an incredible story about one family's fight for their son, Share.
00:55:53.000 That's right, Micah and Victoria, when you say that it sounds so shocking to so many, but California's Prop 215 The Compassionate Use Act was passed by voters a decade ago, and it does allow seriously ill patients with a doctor's recommendation to use marijuana legally.
00:56:07.000 But what about for children?
00:56:10.000 We did find this one family with a truly remarkable tale to tell us in this KTLA exclusive report.
00:56:17.000 Can you tell me what school's like to do, Sam?
00:56:23.000 Titanic!
00:56:24.000 Penguin!
00:56:25.000 This is Sam, a ten-year-old who lives with his dad, his mom, and his sister Lucy in Northern California.
00:56:33.000 Sam has autism.
00:56:38.000 From age two till eight, Sam's disorder made him violent and aggressive.
00:56:43.000 His parents, Steve and Angela, were truly living a nightmare every day.
00:56:47.000 He got to a point where he was hurting other children at school and in public places.
00:56:51.000 A lot of times we'd stay in line at a store and he would just instantly just bolt off and go and hit another child in the face.
00:56:58.000 One time he pulled the TV down.
00:57:00.000 He knocked over all the furniture.
00:57:02.000 I mean, and I got, and I had to put him in a hold for maybe an hour.
00:57:07.000 I mean, just, where his whole body was spasming.
00:57:11.000 It was just, you know, I would just lay there crying, just holding him.
00:57:15.000 Sam's parents worked with expert doctors who recommended a succession of conventional prescription medications like Risperdal and a host of others.
00:57:24.000 But Sam just gained 20 pounds and became harder to handle.
00:57:29.000 We were so scared.
00:57:31.000 We were like, okay, he's getting more dangerous.
00:57:33.000 He's getting bigger and stronger now that he's 20 pounds bigger from the Risperdal.
00:57:37.000 The child that we had grown to love was gone.
00:57:41.000 It was just like when you looked at him, when you talked to him, he had just disappeared.
00:57:46.000 Finally at their wit's end and faced with the very real prospect of needing to institutionalize their son, Sam's parents decided to try something unconventional and controversial.
00:57:58.000 Last year, they began treating Sam with medical marijuana.
00:58:02.000 When you think about it, it really is the perfect medication for that kind of behavior.
00:58:05.000 It's just very calming.
00:58:06.000 So this is the medicine right here.
00:58:08.000 Steve and Angela got a recommendation from a medical cannabis doctor.
00:58:12.000 They told Sam's pediatrician about their plan, and Steve grew Sam's new medicine in their backyard.
00:58:19.000 We had six plants here.
00:58:21.000 This is where Steve took out his tomato plants to grow and then harvest the cannabis.
00:58:26.000 From the marijuana flowers, he could make a concentrated form, what people refer to as hash.
00:58:32.000 This ball represents roughly four months Well, the first time we did it, we just wanted to see if it would work at all.
00:58:53.000 It was just an amazing experience.
00:58:55.000 I mean, I'll never forget it.
00:58:56.000 To watch what happened to him.
00:58:58.000 It was just like, wow, he's back.
00:59:00.000 This anguish and this pent-up rage and this, you know, obsessiveness.
00:59:06.000 It's just like it just went away.
00:59:07.000 It's like it just calmed him down.
00:59:09.000 While we were with the family, we watched Steve put Sam's daily dose in a piece of melon and take it to him.
00:59:16.000 Can we sell that for us?
00:59:17.000 Yeah.
00:59:18.000 Yeah, that's good.
00:59:20.000 Good job, buddy.
00:59:23.000 Yeah!
00:59:25.000 Within roughly 20 minutes, the effects were clear.
00:59:27.000 Where earlier Sam had been animated and antsy, after eating his speck of hash, Sam became calm, relaxed, and social.
00:59:38.000 As a mother, how would you feel about people saying to you that you're getting your son stoned every day?
00:59:46.000 At first, I was very concerned about that, but recently I've been sharing The story with more and more people, you know, friends and co-workers, and I find that, you know, the more I tell people, the more I share it with people, the more comfortable I am with it.
00:59:59.000 It has saved our lives, and I think about what it's done for our son.
01:00:02.000 Could Sam's story help others?
01:00:04.000 Respected L.A. area pediatrician Christopher Tolsher says we don't know enough about cannabis for kids.
01:00:10.000 For all the parents out there whose children may have autism, I think the message here is that this is intriguing information that needs more research before we can confidently say that marijuana is a safe and effective treatment for autism complications.
01:00:24.000 But for this California family, medical marijuana has literally been an answer to their prayers and a homecoming for their son.
01:00:34.000 It was just A medication that we saw that gave us the results that we were always hoping for.
01:00:42.000 And he was happy.
01:00:43.000 I mean, I think that really is a key is that he was happy again.
01:00:46.000 He was smiling and laughing.
01:00:48.000 And we had lost that for so long and it was so sad and we wondered if we'd ever see that again.
01:00:53.000 It just feels like I have more control now to help my son instead of depending on doctors who may have the best intentions, but they don't know what Sam needs.
01:01:03.000 I want to do what's best for my son.
01:01:07.000 And I'll do whatever I can for him.
01:01:12.000 Well, one important note, Sam's parents tell us that they have followed the letter of the law regarding his medication and that they've grown only the amount of marijuana that Prop 215 allows.
01:01:23.000 The medication is for Sam and for nobody else.
01:01:28.000 Now, Cher, does he take this medication every single day?
01:01:32.000 You know, they started off at 7 o'clock in the morning.
01:01:34.000 He would take it.
01:01:35.000 Then they would give him a second dose in the afternoon.
01:01:37.000 But after two years, he started this at 8. He's now 10. They sometimes don't have to give it to him and only give it to him as needed, which is incredible.
01:01:45.000 It really has changed his behavior, according to them.
01:01:49.000 Wow.
01:01:49.000 All right, Cher.
01:01:50.000 Terrific story.
01:01:51.000 Thank you for the reporting.
01:01:51.000 Thank you.
01:01:52.000 And for more on Sam's story, information on treating children with autism.
01:01:59.000 It looks like on the special reports section.
01:02:01.000 There you'll find Cher's report and link to the American Academy of Pediatrics.
01:02:08.000 I want to party with that kid!
01:02:10.000 So, I was listening to his love line last night when Dr. Drew was on and he was talking about marijuana and how he was just so, he just thinks that people that fight that, he's like, they're just dumb people.
01:02:24.000 Yeah, he's so silly about his take on marijuana.
01:02:27.000 That fight what?
01:02:27.000 Well, they fight medical marijuana.
01:02:28.000 People that want medical marijuana, he thinks they're silly and they're ruining America and he thinks that all drugs are bad and that the one state of mind, the state of mind that you're currently in is the only one.
01:02:37.000 He shouldn't be drunk.
01:02:38.000 He shouldn't be high.
01:02:39.000 He shouldn't be drugged up.
01:02:40.000 He does not get it.
01:02:42.000 That is not true.
01:02:43.000 There are drugs that are terrible for you.
01:02:45.000 The ones you see on his show, the crystal meth, the fucking heroin and Oxycontins, those are all fucking horrible for you.
01:02:52.000 That's a guarantee, but...
01:02:53.000 That shit's all terrible.
01:02:55.000 Well, for some people it's not.
01:02:57.000 What does he say about it?
01:02:57.000 I don't know.
01:02:58.000 You have to ask him.
01:02:59.000 But what he says about marijuana is ridiculous because he lumps marijuana in with like heroin and cocaine.
01:03:04.000 That's what my mom does. 1.00
01:03:04.000 She calls it all drugs. 1.00
01:03:06.000 Yeah, it's what he does.
01:03:07.000 He thinks it's addictive, but there's so much proof that it's not addictive.
01:03:11.000 And it's like, my argument about it is like, anything can be addictive.
01:03:14.000 You can get addicted to cheeseburgers if you're a fucking retard. 1.00
01:03:17.000 You can be one of those dudes who gets addicted to washing his hands.
01:03:20.000 You know, people become compulsive about shit.
01:03:23.000 Perfect example.
01:03:25.000 People get addicted to things, man.
01:03:26.000 It's what we do.
01:03:27.000 It doesn't mean you shouldn't have the things.
01:03:28.000 If other people are telling you, they benefit from it.
01:03:31.000 That's what's fucking stupid about this whole marijuana thing.
01:03:33.000 There's no heroin activists.
01:03:35.000 There's no crystal meth activists.
01:03:39.000 It's like, you've got to get on crystal meth.
01:03:41.000 But people keep telling you that weed has enhanced their lives and helped the way they think and made them a better person, and that fuck doesn't want to believe.
01:03:48.000 That dude in that article on...
01:03:51.000 What was that, Commerce Magazine?
01:03:55.000 Fortune?
01:03:55.000 Fortune Magazine, yeah.
01:03:57.000 The one dude was in the case, the first, like, six-people case study.
01:03:59.000 He said he's never gotten high off pop, but he smokes it constantly all day long.
01:04:03.000 All it helps is with his, like, arthritis or whatever it is.
01:04:05.000 Well, when you get super barbecued, if you keep going...
01:04:09.000 Yeah.