The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #53 - Freddy Lockhart

00:00:00.000 We're recording too, server. 1.00

00:00:01.000 Get the fuck out of here, server. 1.00

00:00:03.000 We're playing music that no one's heard. 1.00

00:00:05.000 This shit is Di Antwoord's D Antwoord's original band. 0.99

00:00:10.000 Max Normal. 1.00

00:00:12.000 I'm a big fan of this shit. 1.00

00:00:14.000 Take this baby to the maximum. 1.00

00:00:16.000 *Potone* We're on billboardy keep up.

00:00:18.000 A tough cookie, I've got a job to do, eat my dust rinky.

00:00:22.000 I'm primed for mass appeal, and haunt my force field.

00:00:26.000 Now catch my feel, 72,000 nerves of steel.

00:00:30.000 Start tingling, that's the real deal, get severe.

00:00:33.000 Bring on the glory, decipher these mystery hooks.

00:00:36.000 Will kids be reading about our story and their history?

00:00:38.000 *Potone* Whoops.

00:00:40.000 What happened?

00:00:42.000 Whoops. 1.00

00:00:44.000 Well, let's just say that that's a fucking South African band. 0.99

00:00:49.000 It's D-Antward now, but they were a bunch of different things before they were D-Antward. 0.99

00:00:52.000 And I've been obsessed with them for the last couple of weeks, man. 0.83

00:00:55.000 They're fucking awesome. 1.00

00:00:57.000 Every now and then you catch a band that's the shit. 1.00

00:00:59.000 Speaking of the shit, Freddie Lockhart, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

00:01:03.000 Old school comedy road dog. 1.00

00:01:05.000 Yeah, what up, Joe?

00:01:06.000 My friend from many, many, many, many, many, many moons ago.

00:01:09.000 True that.

00:01:10.000 Back when Freddie was actually working at the comedy store.

00:01:12.000 Freddy started out the right way, like so many Comedy Store warriors have done, working there, either doing the door or working the cover booth.

00:01:25.000 One of the cool things about the Comedy Store is that almost everybody working there wants to be a comic.

00:01:31.000 Almost everybody working there wants to make it in show business.

00:01:36.000 There's a lot of people that are great people that work in other clubs, But they're not there because they want to be comedians.

00:01:42.000 The comedy store is entirely comprised of people who want to be comedians.

00:01:45.000 Even the accountants.

00:01:46.000 Everybody. 0.97

00:01:47.000 It's ridiculous. 1.00

00:01:48.000 Unfortunately, except for the fucking managers. 1.00

00:01:49.000 And that's why the place sucks a bag of dicks. 1.00

00:01:52.000 One of the all-time classic comedy clubs. 1.00

00:01:58.000 CBGB's of comedy.

00:01:59.000 It's not run by Mitzi Shore anymore, unfortunately.

00:02:01.000 No. 0.97

00:02:02.000 But it's still a great fucking place and that's where I met Freddie Lockhart back in the Disney. 0.99

00:02:07.000 Fleshlight. 0.98

00:02:07.000 Fleshlight is our sponsor. 0.98

00:02:09.000 We have to let everybody know about that.

00:02:11.000 You can go to JoeRogan.net and buy it and if you click the link and enter in the code name Rogan You get 15% off.

00:02:19.000 That's what it is, right?

00:02:20.000 Show them the alien flashlight.

00:02:22.000 See that blue?

00:02:23.000 This is the alien one.

00:02:25.000 It's blue and it's got two clits. 1.00

00:02:27.000 Nice.

00:02:28.000 Put your finger in it.

00:02:29.000 If you're a Star Trek freak. 1.00

00:02:31.000 Nobody's fucked this. 0.99

00:02:31.000 I wouldn't do that. 0.99

00:02:32.000 Except me.

00:02:33.000 I've always wondered.

00:02:33.000 I was like, what does it feel like?

00:02:35.000 That's pretty good.

00:02:36.000 What do you think?

00:02:37.000 It's a pretty interesting feeling, right?

00:02:38.000 It definitely feels better than, well, probably my rough hands.

00:02:42.000 Yeah.

00:02:43.000 You just warm that up.

00:02:44.000 There's no blisters on it.

00:02:45.000 No scratching.

00:02:46.000 Just warm it up a little.

00:02:47.000 I'll be in Austin, Texas this weekend, all weekend, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at Cap City Comedy Club.

00:02:55.000 Joey Coco Diaz will be with me.

00:02:57.000 It's a rare treat.

00:02:59.000 We get to bring Joey on the road.

00:03:00.000 The thing about Joey is Joey's the best.

00:03:02.000 He's my favorite comedian ever of all time.

00:03:05.000 But he's about as reliable as a fake Rolex.

00:03:12.000 You know, just like, you just can't count on them.

00:03:14.000 I started taking people with me.

00:03:17.000 I only used to bring one opener for the longest time.

00:03:19.000 But Joey flaked so many times that I started taking a second opener with me just so that I could still book Joey. 0.98

00:03:27.000 So if the shit hit the fan, I'd only hit the fan like one out of every 20 times. 0.99

00:03:31.000 But it hit the fan every now and then. 1.00

00:03:32.000 And you'd be in Jersey going, where the fuck are you? 1.00

00:03:35.000 I'm not gonna lie to you, dog. 1.00

00:03:36.000 I never left Vegas. 1.00

00:03:39.000 Fuck! 1.00

00:03:39.000 The excuse is always admirable and entertaining at best, too. 1.00

00:03:43.000 If you get an excuse, you might just not get phone calls back.

00:03:46.000 What do you want?

00:03:47.000 Yeah, for like months.

00:03:48.000 What, dog?

00:03:49.000 And then once you do talk to him, it never gets brought up.

00:03:51.000 What up, dog?

00:03:51.000 What are we doing?

00:03:52.000 Yeah, nothing. 0.99

00:03:52.000 What's up, cock licker? 0.99

00:03:54.000 Those days of my life. 0.99

00:03:56.000 Yeah, so he's going.

00:03:57.000 We had a scare today.

00:03:58.000 I thought he wasn't going to go.

00:03:59.000 You never know, Joey.

00:04:01.000 Anything can happen.

00:04:02.000 I got something going on, dog.

00:04:03.000 It's a Disney Channel movie.

00:04:04.000 I think it's going to be big. 0.99

00:04:06.000 I get to show my balls. 0.99

00:04:07.000 they're gonna blur it out. 0.99

00:04:09.000 Have you seen the previews of his Disney movie?

00:04:12.000 No, what is it called?

00:04:13.000 It's called The Dog That Saved Christmas, and they're releasing a whole bunch of them.

00:04:18.000 In the first one, Joey was like 400 pounds or whatever.

00:04:22.000 Oh, yeah, and then he lost a lot of weight.

00:04:25.000 And so now they're really concerned.

00:04:27.000 But anyways, I just saw the preview.

00:04:28.000 I think it's just about to come on DVD.

00:04:30.000 I saw the preview, and Joey Diaz has a little scene in there where he's in drag, and it's the cutest thing you'll ever see. 0.91

00:04:36.000 How the fuck would they care if he loses 100 pounds? 0.95

00:04:38.000 He looks better. 0.99

00:04:38.000 He looks like he's healthy. 0.99

00:04:40.000 Just write it into the goddamn script. 1.00

00:04:41.000 That's what they ended up doing. 1.00

00:04:42.000 How hard is that?

00:04:42.000 They wrote in the whole Weight Watcher thing.

00:04:45.000 Is he keeping it off?

00:04:46.000 Is he still keeping the weight on?

00:04:48.000 Yeah, he does Weight Watchers.

00:04:49.000 He follows his points. 1.00

00:04:50.000 I got points, cocksucker. 1.00

00:04:52.000 He'll explain it to you with anger in his voice. 1.00

00:04:54.000 Oh, that's correct.

00:04:55.000 Good for him. 1.00

00:04:55.000 Yeah, he's like, a fucking slice of pizza and a Coke, that's eight points! 1.00

00:04:59.000 You can't take eight points, cocksucker! 1.00

00:05:01.000 You deserve to be fat! 1.00

00:05:02.000 He'll get fucking angry. 1.00

00:05:04.000 He gets very passionate about his Weight Watchers. 0.98

00:05:06.000 But yet, when I go out to eat, he'll be like, this is only four Weight Watcher points!

00:05:10.000 And I'm like, dude, that's nachos with fried salmon Snickers.

00:05:14.000 How many points is that?

00:05:15.000 Oh, it's like, you know, 80 points.

00:05:17.000 And that's like your whole...

00:05:19.000 Is that supposed to be your whole day?

00:05:21.000 So what did he lose?

00:05:22.000 He lost 100 pounds? 1.00

00:05:23.000 He lost 100 fucking pounds. 1.00

00:05:24.000 That's pretty fucking impressive. 0.99

00:05:25.000 He put it together, man. 0.99

00:05:25.000 Especially not doing the lap band or the gastric podcast. 0.99

00:05:29.000 It's the old school way.

00:05:30.000 He got really upset about that, too.

00:05:33.000 We would talk about it.

00:05:34.000 He goes, I'm not going to do it, dog.

00:05:35.000 I'm not going to do it.

00:05:36.000 He got real passionate about it. 1.00

00:05:37.000 He goes, Ralphie Mays had that fucking thing. 1.00

00:05:39.000 He blew it out twice. 1.00

00:05:41.000 He said, surgeries, I'm not going to get cut open, bro. 0.99

00:05:44.000 I'm not going to get fucking cut open. 0.99

00:05:45.000 Right, right. 0.99

00:05:46.000 He just, he manned up. 0.99

00:05:48.000 He manned up and he fucking lost the weight. 0.98

00:05:49.000 It's incredible. 0.98

00:05:50.000 Well, the thing with those things too, it's like your brain doesn't catch up with what has happened to your body.

00:05:55.000 You know what I mean?

00:05:55.000 It's like that's part of the whole working for it process.

00:05:58.000 Yeah, you can't just fucking rewire your body and then your brain is still jacked this constant need for food. 0.93

00:06:05.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:06:05.000 Yeah, big time. 0.99

00:06:06.000 It's an obsession, man.

00:06:08.000 It's so easy for people to get obsessed with things.

00:06:11.000 For me, I can get obsessed with Q-tips, putting Q-tips in my ears.

00:06:15.000 I can get obsessed with video games.

00:06:17.000 I can get obsessed with beating off.

00:06:19.000 I can get obsessed with things where they just consume me like I have to do them.

00:06:23.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:06:24.000 Dude, what the fuck kind of a flaw is that shit? 1.00

00:06:27.000 What a goofy-ass flaw. 1.00

00:06:29.000 It sucks. 1.00

00:06:30.000 At least mine is not the food one. 0.99

00:06:32.000 Right, exactly.

00:06:33.000 Mine was always the weed one, the sleeping one.

00:06:36.000 It could be bad things, but I'm just at least smart enough to not deny the addiction, just to know it could get out of hand if I gave in to it.

00:06:43.000 You've got to be careful.

00:06:44.000 Respect the beast in there.

00:06:46.000 Yeah, you gotta be very careful.

00:06:48.000 It's like dudes who used to smoke cigarettes, you go, I'm just gonna have one cigarette.

00:06:51.000 Oh, dude!

00:06:53.000 You're getting in a wrestling match right here with the devil! 1.00

00:06:57.000 He's gonna tie you up, bitch! 1.00

00:06:58.000 Yeah, you're screwed with that. 1.00

00:07:00.000 Yeah, you fucked up. 1.00

00:07:01.000 I just complete out and out, stay away from it. 1.00

00:07:04.000 It's like the video games, the Grand Theft Auto.

00:07:05.000 I got so addicted to it, like my life was, I was literally dreaming and thinking, and my mindset would be like, oh, just take that cop's car and jack him.

00:07:14.000 Ha ha! 0.86

00:07:14.000 And then we'll get to the gig quicker. 0.86

00:07:17.000 In real life, it starts coming up, right?

00:07:19.000 Yeah, because that's my subconscious mind, but luckily my conscious mind's like, no, no.

00:07:23.000 Do you think that rewires kids and makes them more susceptible?

00:07:25.000 I agree with him.

00:07:26.000 I used to play this game where you jumped from building to building.

00:07:28.000 I forget which game it was.

00:07:30.000 Oh, City of Heroes.

00:07:31.000 And after I played it for like a month straight, like 10 hours a day, I would go outside and forget I can't jump on top of buildings.

00:07:37.000 Like I was just driving going, I could jump on that building and that building.

00:07:40.000 I'm like, what am I thinking? - And it's like if you're a very Darwinian.

00:07:43.000 If you're a kid, you haven't laid down those deep-rooted thoughts that will tell you that you can't do that.

00:07:49.000 That little voice that says, no, don't kill me.

00:07:50.000 You don't have physical limitations.

00:07:53.000 The law doesn't even hold you accountable until you're 8 years old for murder or something like that.

00:07:57.000 So think about that.

00:07:57.000 If you're playing those video games and you're 4 or 5, that's all you know.

00:08:01.000 You don't think.

00:08:01.000 You just pull the trigger.

00:08:02.000 Especially boys. 1.00

00:08:04.000 When you have little girls and you see them around little boys, you realize how fucking crazy boys are from the get-go. 0.99

00:08:11.000 There are a lot of things that are fucked up about human beings because of our culture. 0.99

00:08:15.000 Right. 0.99

00:08:17.000 You see like little boys. 0.83

00:08:18.000 This little boy, there was two little two-year-old babies in this big inflatable play thing.

00:08:24.000 And one like seven, eight-year-old boy.

00:08:27.000 Okay. 0.98

00:08:28.000 And this seven, eight-year-old boy was fucking throwing himself through the air and crashing into the walls of this thing with no regard to these babies that were around him. 0.98

00:08:37.000 It was such a trip to watch. 0.98

00:08:39.000 And I was watching them like, dude, you gotta settle down.

00:08:41.000 You gotta settle down.

00:08:42.000 And you're looking at them like, he can't even help himself. 1.00

00:08:44.000 This kid is wired up with this fucking chimpanzee DNA. I mean, he's like six, man. 1.00

00:08:49.000 And he's just throwing himself into the cage of this thing.

00:08:52.000 Yeah, it's just they are.

00:08:53.000 They're ingrained that way. 1.00

00:08:54.000 They're crazy. 1.00

00:08:55.000 He's got to get that shit out. 1.00

00:08:56.000 It's inside of him. 1.00

00:08:56.000 If you take a kid like that and don't exercise, that should be a crime. 1.00

00:09:01.000 It should be a crime to have a little male monster and not work it out.

00:09:05.000 Yeah, you got to.

00:09:06.000 You got to give him an activity. 1.00

00:09:07.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:09:07.000 Treat him just like a dog. 1.00

00:09:08.000 Give him a ball and make him go chase it. 1.00

00:09:09.000 Dude, when I first started doing wrestling in high school, I first started really working out.

00:09:16.000 I did martial arts before that, but quite honestly, the karate class that I did before wrestling, it wasn't good.

00:09:22.000 It wasn't hard enough to really break you.

00:09:26.000 But wrestling practice would break you.

00:09:28.000 It would break you.

00:09:29.000 Make you question yourself.

00:09:30.000 But you get out of there, though, and you're so peaceful.

00:09:34.000 Oh, yeah.

00:09:34.000 Like, there's nothing left.

00:09:35.000 Yeah, absolutely. 1.00

00:09:36.000 You don't need to get upset about some asshole who cuts in front of you at the red light. 1.00

00:09:40.000 It's all like, whatever. 1.00

00:09:41.000 I would see those guys in high school.

00:09:43.000 I played football, and the thing is, it was only hard for two weeks, hell week, the beginning of summer, especially in Arizona.

00:09:48.000 It's hot as hell.

00:09:49.000 Yeah.

00:09:49.000 But the higher you went up in varsity, it was so easy because they didn't want anybody getting hurt.

00:09:53.000 In freshman football, you had to hit the biggest guy.

00:09:55.000 They didn't care.

00:09:56.000 They just sized anybody against anybody.

00:09:58.000 But I would watch the wrestlers go back to the locker room after we went back to the locker room.

00:10:02.000 I was like, those guys just...

00:10:03.000 I mean, they would just lay there.

00:10:04.000 They would be drenched.

00:10:06.000 Brutal. 0.99

00:10:06.000 But you never saw them on campus doing the meathead crap that we were doing, the football players. 0.99

00:10:11.000 They were exhausted. 0.99

00:10:12.000 And they get humbled, too.

00:10:14.000 And they knew that...

00:10:15.000 They could end the situation a lot quicker than we could.

00:10:18.000 There's that, but there's also they get it out of their system.

00:10:21.000 If you're always competing with men and you're always throwing yourself in there, you don't want to do it anymore.

00:10:27.000 It's the safest way to do it and deal with your biology.

00:10:30.000 What you're doing is you're doing it in a controlled environment with a bunch of other people who agree to it.

00:10:35.000 It's honorable.

00:10:36.000 You tap each other out and there's not even any hard feelings.

00:10:39.000 When you do jiu-jitsu, there's no hard feelings when guys get got...

00:10:43.000 You know, somebody taps you out, you go, that's what happens.

00:10:45.000 You get caught.

00:10:46.000 What did I do wrong?

00:10:47.000 Did I put my arm through? 0.99

00:10:47.000 Oh, I fucked up. 0.99

00:10:48.000 I forgot to put the arm here. 0.97

00:10:49.000 All right, thank you.

00:10:50.000 Thank you.

00:10:50.000 Then you go back again.

00:10:51.000 It's like, but you get all this ingrained male dominator shit out of your system. 0.99

00:10:56.000 We're not supposed to live all, like, hanging out like this. 0.99

00:10:59.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:10:59.000 With chimps, you know, like, you know, chimps don't, like, hang out that much.

00:11:04.000 Yeah, you'll get your face ripped off.

00:11:05.000 With other chimps, like, if they go meet other chimps, like, they have, like, little tribes.

00:11:08.000 I saw that.

00:11:08.000 If they go meet other chimps, they're fighting, man.

00:11:10.000 Yeah, they're gangs. 1.00

00:11:11.000 Yeah, they're fucking fighting. 1.00

00:11:12.000 For sure, to the death. 1.00

00:11:14.000 Sometimes they creep over and they don't even know these chimps.

00:11:16.000 They just jack them. 0.86

00:11:17.000 They just decide who's on their team and that's it.

00:11:19.000 But we've got to deal with so many people all day long.

00:11:22.000 You can't just jack people.

00:11:23.000 But those signals are still present in ghostly form in your brain. 0.99

00:11:27.000 And that's why I'm a dick on YouTube videos. 0.98

00:11:34.000 In what way? 0.94

00:11:34.000 What do you mean? 0.94

00:11:35.000 I'm just kidding. 0.90

00:11:35.000 I'm not a dick. 0.90

00:11:36.000 No, no, no. 0.92

00:11:37.000 It's true though. 0.96

00:11:38.000 It's like message boards.

00:11:39.000 Watching people on message boards have angry and psycho. 0.91

00:11:43.000 Dude!

00:11:43.000 And I'm always like, alright, if we are talking about something in a room together, all in a group, and you're the person sitting there like...

00:11:50.000 This person's fat! 1.00

00:11:51.000 Oh god, this person sucks! 1.00

00:11:53.000 That's so stupid! 1.00

00:11:53.000 I'm like, are you going to be sitting there going, yeah, listen to that guy? 1.00

00:11:56.000 No, you're going to be doing the same thing you do on a message board where it's just like, what's wrong with this psycho, crazy, angry person? 1.00

00:12:00.000 Which says we have a social face that we put on for social issues, but at home that's maybe who you really are, the shit you're saying on YouTube. 0.99

00:12:07.000 We've all been out with someone who's barely keeping it together. 0.99

00:12:10.000 Someone who's like, yeah, that's a great shirt. 1.00

00:12:12.000 What the fuck is this guy? 1.00

00:12:14.000 Did you shit on my shirt? 1.00

00:12:16.000 You know? 1.00

00:12:17.000 They're just boiling under the sun.

00:12:19.000 Just kidding around with you, man.

00:12:20.000 Just unsolicited.

00:12:21.000 They do the thing where they take a left turn when they see your reaction. 1.00

00:12:24.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:12:25.000 And they're like, oh, no, no, no. 1.00

00:12:26.000 Yeah, yeah, I am kidding.

00:12:27.000 It's just like, I'm not that mean.

00:12:28.000 Yeah, there's a bunch of dudes who just like to get douchey with dudes. 1.00

00:12:33.000 And they just need to get out of their fucking system. 1.00

00:12:36.000 How dare you, Brian. 1.00

00:12:37.000 It's funny, the other day I called Freddy and he called me back and said, sorry, I just woke up.

00:12:43.000 And I looked at the clock and I was like, oh, it's 2.30.

00:12:46.000 You guys' day had already ended. 1.00

00:12:48.000 That's the real shit. 1.00

00:12:49.000 That's why Freddy's rocking it, man. 1.00

00:12:50.000 He's a fucking comic. 1.00

00:12:51.000 Well, he's an artist, Joe. 1.00

00:12:53.000 Well, it's not just that.

00:12:56.000 I hear you've been talking to Mitzi.

00:12:58.000 Well, Mitzi and I did talk.

00:13:01.000 And you can work out in the belly room, Joe, okay?

00:13:04.000 But that's it for right now, okay?

00:13:06.000 Wow, what an honor.

00:13:08.000 How often do you rub her feet?

00:13:10.000 Well, it's not just that, okay?

00:13:12.000 Because Richard Pryor used to rub her feet, okay?

00:13:19.000 Freddie Lockhart, by the way, used to be on the Frank Caliendo show and is, in my opinion, one of the best impressionists out there.

00:13:25.000 You do impressions that are very weird, man.

00:13:27.000 You do some impressions that no one else does.

00:13:31.000 I figure that's what you should do.

00:13:33.000 I always figure it's like why I get in and do something, the Nicholson, the ones like that.

00:13:37.000 It's like I try to find a strange one and I do it.

00:13:40.000 Like Ice-T, man.

00:13:41.000 Don't nobody do Ice-T. Bunch of bitches. 1.00

00:13:44.000 I do Ice-T better than Ice-T, man. 1.00

00:13:47.000 I do his voiceover work and whatnot.

00:13:49.000 I love to say whatnot.

00:13:51.000 You have the lisp in everything.

00:13:53.000 He fights a little lisp there, right?

00:13:55.000 Yeah, he fights a little lisp, but it's kind of gangster and it works for him.

00:13:58.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.97

00:13:58.000 Bitches dig it. 0.97

00:14:02.000 I used to do that at the Comedy Store. 0.99

00:14:04.000 I used to call the Comedy Store as Ice-T, and this poor guy, Kenny Tenney, this guy used to work the phones there.

00:14:08.000 Do you remember this guy?

00:14:09.000 Kenny Tenney.

00:14:10.000 He was Mitzi's pool guy, and something was off with him, definitely.

00:14:14.000 I mean, I don't want to say what he had, but he definitely wasn't thinking right, but he made money.

00:14:22.000 He had a pool company.

00:14:23.000 He cleaned pools, and he did it well, but he functioned like an eight-year-old.

00:14:26.000 And I would call him every time he would pick up the phone.

00:14:30.000 I would call him and I would be Ice-T. And he would fall for it every time.

00:14:32.000 Be like, yo man, I'm bringing 30 people in tonight, man.

00:14:35.000 What you got on my booth situation?

00:14:38.000 He'd be like, alright, Mr. T, we don't have a booth at 6.30.

00:14:42.000 I'm like, you better build one for me.

00:14:43.000 Well, I'll see if we can.

00:14:44.000 I'm just like, aw.

00:14:46.000 That's hilarious.

00:14:47.000 That's how I would brush up on the impression is if I could fool Kenny Tenney.

00:14:51.000 I felt like it was golden.

00:14:53.000 Do you work impressions?

00:14:54.000 Do you practice them at home and then eventually bring them to the stage?

00:14:57.000 Or do you know when you hear somebody whether or not you can do it?

00:15:00.000 You know, there's a lot of people, if you hear them right away, I know I can do it.

00:15:03.000 If somebody tends to have a deeper voice or something like that, or if there's a weird thing about them, I know I can do it.

00:15:08.000 But more so than the way it sounds, it's the way somebody looks when they talk.

00:15:13.000 Because people move their mouth a certain way.

00:15:14.000 That'll reveal half the impression.

00:15:16.000 I noticed you did that with the Obama thing.

00:15:18.000 That Obama thing, I watched it online, where they took some footage from the 70s, it looks like, and inserted your clips into it.

00:15:25.000 That was great stuff, man.

00:15:27.000 You really do a good Obama, man.

00:15:29.000 That was a show on Super Deluxe, an internet series I had, but the whole thing was I would take facts and skew them a little.

00:15:35.000 I love time traveling.

00:15:36.000 It's my biggest obsession.

00:15:38.000 Really?

00:15:38.000 Yeah, I'm obsessed with it.

00:15:40.000 I'm working on a show right now about time traveling.

00:15:42.000 That's fascinating.

00:15:42.000 You're talking to the right I'm talking tachyon particles, the whole thing.

00:15:45.000 I'm into it, man.

00:15:46.000 Do you know who Ronald Mallet is?

00:15:47.000 Do you know the whole story?

00:15:48.000 No, no, no. 0.99

00:15:49.000 How the fuck do you know time travel? 0.99

00:15:51.000 You don't know who Ronald Mallet is. 0.99

00:15:52.000 I love time travel.

00:15:54.000 Dude, Ronald Mallet is the premier expert in America on time travel.

00:15:58.000 And this is the crazy part about him.

00:15:59.000 We've talked about him on the show before, but I'm going to bring it up again.

00:16:02.000 Just because it's such a fascinating story. 0.99

00:16:04.000 The dude's like a fucking Spider-Man comic book. 0.99

00:16:06.000 His dad died when he was a child, so he became obsessed. 1.00

00:16:09.000 He loved his dad.

00:16:10.000 I did read about him.

00:16:12.000 I know exactly.

00:16:12.000 Is he a black guy?

00:16:14.000 He's a black guy. 0.64

00:16:15.000 University of Connecticut.

00:16:16.000 And he developed...

00:16:18.000 Isn't it funny that we have to say he's a black guy? 1.00

00:16:20.000 Yeah, but that's why I was like, man, right on, because I was excited when I saw he was black.

00:16:23.000 Super powerful, you know, like Neil deGrasse Tyson, those kind of guys.

00:16:27.000 You said his son died?

00:16:29.000 No, his father died.

00:16:30.000 Was he robbing place?

00:16:31.000 Here's the story.

00:16:32.000 His father died...

00:16:34.000 How dare you?

00:16:35.000 Was he robbing a place? 0.99

00:16:37.000 He's so white, too, the way you say it. 1.00

00:16:39.000 You just smell like cheese.

00:16:40.000 Was he fixing a convenience store?

00:16:43.000 They were into baseball together, him and his old man.

00:16:45.000 They collect cards and stuff.

00:16:46.000 So his whole life became obsessed with time travel because he wanted to go back in time and save his dad.

00:16:50.000 Right. 1.00

00:16:50.000 Well, it's fucking trippy shit. 1.00

00:16:52.000 The guy has a peer-reviewed paper that he wrote on time travel where physicists agree, like, theoretically, this all makes sense. 1.00

00:17:00.000 If you could develop this kind of power, you could go back in time.

00:17:02.000 Right. 0.99

00:17:03.000 Right now we can't develop the kind of power that's necessary to do it, but that's some trippy shit. 0.90

00:17:08.000 Isn't he currently building a light thing that he's trying to send the light back in time? 0.86

00:17:12.000 Yeah, light back in time.

00:17:13.000 Literally back in time, and it makes sense what he's saying.

00:17:15.000 And I was, I actually, when I stumbled upon that, I was excited because I thought, you know, time travel, I always thought it to be possible.

00:17:21.000 My mom worked at NASA when I was a little kid, and I think that's where the curiosity started. 0.75

00:17:24.000 When I lived at Edwards Air Force Base, they were always texting, like testing X jets and crazy shit that the government was working on, which just made me knew that, you know, they're really aware of shit that we had no idea about.

00:17:34.000 And that's when I kind of got into time travel, and I thought, you know, you could future time travel, just manipulation of time, basically, you stay above the Earth's atmosphere at a a mile or go a gazillion miles an hour, you'll come back and you'll have lost time.

00:17:45.000 Or no, you'll be ahead.

00:17:46.000 You'll be ahead.

00:17:47.000 You'll be still 30, but everyone will be 100 years old.

00:17:49.000 Right.

00:17:50.000 So I was doing that, but I got really excited when I read his article that you could go back in the past.

00:17:54.000 Like, wait a second.

00:17:54.000 You can do that?

00:17:56.000 You know, you can possibly.

00:17:56.000 They think you could only go back to the moment the first time machine was invented.

00:18:01.000 But that's just theoretical, too.

00:18:02.000 I had this argument with Brandon Christie about this, and the whole thing about time travel, it's like, doesn't time, once it's exposed, isn't it all a moot point after that?

00:18:09.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:18:10.000 You know what I mean?

00:18:11.000 But that's what they talk about with the grandfather clause.

00:18:13.000 If you go back and you shoot your grandfather, then that makes it impossible for you to time travel.

00:18:17.000 But that doesn't, because I think that just means you break time.

00:18:21.000 They didn't take that option into consideration when people talk about that story.

00:18:25.000 The grandfather paradox, they always say, well, if you did go back in time, you'd kill your grandfather before your father was ever born, therefore you would never exist.

00:18:33.000 To make the time machine.

00:18:34.000 But that doesn't mean you couldn't do that.

00:18:37.000 You could still do that.

00:18:38.000 People say, well, that means you couldn't have a time machine.

00:18:39.000 Well, yeah, you could.

00:18:40.000 You could.

00:18:41.000 You would just do that, and then you'd break everything.

00:18:43.000 Right.

00:18:43.000 It would be like a parallel life.

00:18:45.000 Kind of like Back to the Future was.

00:18:46.000 There was two 1955s.

00:18:48.000 That's when it becomes string theory.

00:18:49.000 It goes off into another world.

00:18:51.000 There's people that believe, and this is a very strange theory, but it might be just as real as the one we live in, that they believe that every second you live your life, every decision you make, everything you do, all the energy that you put down guides you into various all the energy that you put down guides you into various parallel And that we are not just living in one dimension.

00:19:15.000 That we are living in an infinite number of dimensions that are all around us all the time.

00:19:18.000 And we can choose to slide through these dimensions with our thoughts.

00:19:22.000 Oh, wow.

00:19:23.000 As you live your life, as you live your life correctly, as you live your life in the direction that you want to do with little procrastination, focused and love and joy, as you do this correctly, you move through higher and higher dimensions.

00:19:37.000 Well, that's pretty much what Buddhism teaches, too, and the whole thought.

00:19:41.000 And even with the yogis, they know about that through meditation and time travel.

00:19:46.000 Well, I don't know if they know about that.

00:19:47.000 I mean, you can't say they know about that.

00:19:48.000 It's a theory.

00:19:49.000 It's an idea.

00:19:50.000 Western science has come along and started to pick up and ask why, you know, and find the things in the brain that make it possible.

00:19:57.000 Did you guys see the thing on CNN last week with the alleged time traveler lady?

00:20:01.000 Oh, yeah, that's nonsense.

00:20:03.000 Basically, it just means there were crazy people back then, too. 0.57

00:20:05.000 People aren't even paying attention.

00:20:07.000 They had hearing aids back then.

00:20:09.000 Yeah, what's crazy is that video became big, and then the next day, all the places were like, no, it's just a hearing aid, but yet I still get emails every day from people.

00:20:17.000 Dude, I get Twitter messages all day.

00:20:18.000 Is time travel real? 1.00

00:20:19.000 Yeah, there's cell phone towers in 1910, you fuck. 1.00

00:20:23.000 How is this fucking phone working? 1.00

00:20:25.000 Who's this cunt calling? 1.00

00:20:26.000 Who is she with? 1.00

00:20:27.000 This bitch calling the future? 1.00

00:20:29.000 Is she calling from the past to the future? 1.00

00:20:31.000 Because otherwise it's not a fucking phone for her to be calling. 0.99

00:20:33.000 It would have been more realistic if she was just staring at it. 0.99

00:20:36.000 I'm not impressed by someone holding their ear up to their head.

00:20:38.000 They wanted to throw it out there and they knew that they couldn't back it up.

00:20:43.000 CNN ran it and it was like, Why? 0.99

00:20:45.000 What the fuck is CNN running that for? 0.98

00:20:47.000 It was the front page, too. 0.99

00:20:49.000 That's just so distracting. 1.00

00:20:50.000 That's so stupid and distracting. 1.00

00:20:52.000 And you know, as much as I love time travel, I was like, come on, don't make a mockery of time travel by showing crap like that. 1.00

00:20:58.000 That's what really sucks. 0.98

00:20:59.000 Think about if you could even time travel. 0.96

00:21:01.000 If you could go to the 80s and whip out your iPhone, you'd get arrested for witchcraft, dude.

00:21:04.000 I mean, they would stomp you to death if they saw that thing.

00:21:07.000 Yeah, a voice would die.

00:21:07.000 If you go 10 years ago, that would happen to you.

00:21:10.000 You know what I mean?

00:21:10.000 It's like the way technology...

00:21:11.000 I think in our lifetime, like, the kids today...

00:21:15.000 It's true.

00:21:16.000 It's like the kids today...

00:21:17.000 We're closer to kids who grew up in, like, the 1940s.

00:21:20.000 We're closer to cavemen.

00:21:22.000 Exactly.

00:21:22.000 The way things have changed...

00:21:24.000 Dude, I'm watching kids today growing up with porn from the get-go.

00:21:27.000 These kids are, like, 13. They're taken in the ass. 1.00

00:21:30.000 They think that's what you're supposed to do. 1.00

00:21:34.000 It's the chickens have come home to roost. 1.00

00:21:36.000 All those shitty parents out there that make porn stars, all those shitty parents have infected other people's kids as well through porn. 1.00

00:21:43.000 Yeah, they're getting porn on their PlayStation. 1.00

00:21:45.000 They're just taking pictures of their pussies and shit and sending them throughout class. 1.00

00:21:49.000 Kids are filthy today. 1.00

00:21:50.000 Dirty little fucks! 1.00

00:21:52.000 I was cleaning my laptop out last night, going through all this shit, just trying to make room for it because it's just crazy crowded. 1.00

00:21:58.000 And I'm just going through all these videos, and I found out that if you have the mail app, and you have a Gmail account on there, it will download everything from your Gmail account. 0.51

00:22:08.000 Every video, every photo, at least that's the setting I had.

00:22:11.000 And so I was like, where's all my hard drive space? 0.53

00:22:13.000 So I'm going through all this shit, and there was videos that people had sent me that must have went to spam folders, you know, like crazy videos, just spam videos and stuff. 0.89

00:22:21.000 One of them was this woman... 1.00

00:22:23.000 Where they were taking the...

00:22:24.000 You've all seen this.

00:22:25.000 Where the funnel with putting the eels in the woman's... 1.00

00:22:28.000 And then it starts shooting out like salmon.

00:22:31.000 I'm showing my...

00:22:32.000 This girl I just met.

00:22:33.000 I'm like doing this in front of her.

00:22:35.000 And she looks over. 1.00

00:22:36.000 She goes, what the fuck are you looking at? 0.99

00:22:38.000 And I'm like... 1.00

00:22:39.000 I don't know, but that's just crazy to think.

00:22:41.000 Somebody sent me that video.

00:22:42.000 If I ever lose my laptop and the FBI goes, hey, let's go see what's in this laptop. 1.00

00:22:46.000 Oh, he has videos of a young girl with salmons coming out of their ass. 1.00

00:22:50.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:22:50.000 How old was the girl? 1.00

00:22:52.000 No, I'm not saying...

00:22:53.000 Salmons are big.

00:22:54.000 I'm not saying that.

00:22:54.000 I'm just saying...

00:22:55.000 Yeah, I was going to say that.

00:22:57.000 But that video exists on my laptop without me knowing is what I'm talking about.

00:23:02.000 It could be anything.

00:23:04.000 It could be child porn. 0.91

00:23:05.000 It could be anything. 0.91

00:23:06.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:23:06.000 But that was kind of scary.

00:23:07.000 So fuck the mail app. 0.99

00:23:09.000 Well, that's the thing, too. 1.00

00:23:09.000 It's like that desensitized. 1.00

00:23:11.000 Think if you're in third grade and you see that around fifth grade, we'd get a Debbie Does Dallas tape.

00:23:16.000 Somebody's dad would have it.

00:23:18.000 Yep. 0.99

00:23:18.000 Somebody would have the balls to gank it while his old man was drunk and it would pass around 8th grade. 0.99

00:23:23.000 Everybody got to see it. 0.99

00:23:24.000 And you put it back and you gave it back to the kid.

00:23:26.000 But that was pretty much porn then.

00:23:28.000 It's like now, yeah, they can look at it on their cell phone in class.

00:23:31.000 Yeah, their iPhones.

00:23:33.000 The HTML5 is the standard for porn sites now because the iPhones don't use Flash. 0.98

00:23:39.000 So all these porn sites are switching to HTML5 and you can watch that shit on your iPhones. 0.98

00:23:43.000 Dude, what a gangster move that was on Steve Jobs' part, too. 1.00

00:23:47.000 He's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:23:48.000 He's a gangster. 1.00

00:23:48.000 He goes, you know what? 1.00

00:23:49.000 Flash needs to catch up with me.

00:23:51.000 I mean, that was just like bald.

00:23:53.000 85% of the animated websites on the internet use it.

00:23:57.000 He's like, no.

00:23:58.000 You know, back in the day when you liked a girl, you were like, hey, meet me at the big toy and I'll finger you or touch her boobs or stuff? 1.00

00:24:04.000 Nowadays, they're just like, hey, go to the bathroom and finger your pussy, and I'm going to go into the bathroom and finger my dick, and then we're going to FaceTime it. 1.00

00:24:12.000 We're going to FaceTime it on the third grade Wi-Fi network. 1.00

00:24:15.000 Can you imagine what these kids are doing nowadays with FaceTime and kids and stuff? 0.99

00:24:19.000 It should also honestly make for some really smart fucking kids, though. 0.99

00:24:24.000 If they use the knowledge, there's going to be some smart fucking kids. 0.99

00:24:28.000 Yeah, they'll be so much more aware than we were at that age. 0.98

00:24:30.000 Yeah, they're going to be much more advanced.

00:24:32.000 I didn't know anything at that age. 0.92

00:24:34.000 I didn't know a damn thing. 0.88

00:24:35.000 When I was 18, I get very uncomfortable around people who are religious because I thought maybe they knew something. 1.00

00:24:42.000 I thought maybe they were in on something and they were more powerful because they believed it.

00:24:47.000 That's what I thought when I was 18. That's how fucking dumb I was. 1.00

00:24:50.000 I was religious when I was younger, and then when I was 18, I was like... 1.00

00:24:53.000 When you're young, you're fucking dumb, man. 1.00

00:24:55.000 I had no access to information. 1.00

00:24:57.000 There was no fucking internet when I was a kid. 0.92

00:24:59.000 I had the people in my neighborhood in school. 1.00

00:25:01.000 Is that shit anywhere grounded inside your brain, though? 0.99

00:25:04.000 Does it ever come out where you're sitting there after an earthquake and you're like, Jesus, you bring out your rosary and stuff. 1.00

00:25:11.000 No, it's not at all.

00:25:13.000 Were you big time?

00:25:14.000 Were you Catholic?

00:25:14.000 Yeah, I was raised Catholic when I was in first grade.

00:25:17.000 And then I immediately thought it was horse shit because first grade was so horrible. 1.00

00:25:21.000 This fucking cunt nun that I had. 1.00

00:25:24.000 Sister Mary Josephine. 1.00

00:25:25.000 This fucking crazy bitch. 1.00

00:25:27.000 She was just incarnate evil. 1.00

00:25:29.000 Just an evil, dried up old woman who had wasted her life on some nonsense and fucking hated kids. 1.00

00:25:36.000 What? 1.00

00:25:36.000 Were you super religious growing up? 1.00

00:25:38.000 No, not at all.

00:25:39.000 My parents were an interracial couple. 0.55

00:25:43.000 You do a lot of cocaine.

00:25:45.000 My parents, though, what happened with me is I went from this religious upbringing from Catholic school in first grade to moving to San Francisco in second grade with my mother's new husband, who was a hippie.

00:25:57.000 Oh, wow.

00:25:58.000 Computer programmer with long hair.

00:25:59.000 So my dad was this cop.

00:26:03.000 And I grew up in that, like Catholic, you know, hey, you're not in the Lord's name in vain. 1.00

00:26:07.000 Son of a bitch, they slap you in the head. 1.00

00:26:09.000 I grew up in that. 1.00

00:26:11.000 Like people were just smacking the head for no reason.

00:26:12.000 Wow.

00:26:13.000 And then I grew up in that, and then all of a sudden...

00:26:15.000 Hippies in San Francisco.

00:26:17.000 Wow.

00:26:17.000 So it was a total trip.

00:26:18.000 My next door neighbors were these gay dudes who used to get naked and hang out with my aunt because my aunt, you know, didn't worry about them fucking her. 1.00

00:26:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:26:25.000 You know, because they were gay. 1.00

00:26:26.000 Gay as fuck. 1.00

00:26:27.000 Big, muscular black guy. 1.00

00:26:28.000 Wow. 1.00

00:26:28.000 Dark, black, Africa, Kenya, right? 1.00

00:26:31.000 Oh. 1.00

00:26:31.000 Black as fuck. 1.00

00:26:32.000 He'd just be naked walking around his house. 1.00

00:26:33.000 Loves the butt. 1.00

00:26:34.000 And his boyfriend. 0.99

00:26:35.000 And both of them would just, then they all would get together and just smoke weed and take their clothes off.

00:26:39.000 Wow.

00:26:40.000 Nobody fucked. 0.99

00:26:40.000 Nobody did anything. 0.99

00:26:41.000 They just lie around smoking weed.

00:26:42.000 And I knew about this when I was seven.

00:26:44.000 Wow. 0.99

00:26:44.000 So I went from this fucking crazy primate jungle of Jersey Italians. 0.99

00:26:50.000 Yeah, chest beating. 1.00

00:26:52.000 Sacking each other and throwing shit at each other. 1.00

00:26:55.000 It's just like being in a chimp cage, right? 1.00

00:26:56.000 So I went from that to hippies and gay dudes who are naked smoking weed, hanging out with my That is hilarious, dude. 1.00

00:27:04.000 This is the craziest fucking 180 ever. 0.99

00:27:08.000 And you got good parts of both, though, wouldn't you say? 0.99

00:27:10.000 Good parts of the progressive thoughts and ideas, but also that you're not your typical pussy comic. 0.98

00:27:17.000 I'll tell you that much. 0.94

00:27:18.000 The East Coast thing is where men are forced to become men at a quick age. 1.00

00:27:24.000 You get fucked with. 1.00

00:27:25.000 Dude, you're looking to kick your ass. 1.00

00:27:27.000 Right. 1.00

00:27:27.000 You know, there's a lot of the West Coast people. 1.00

00:27:30.000 It's a little more relaxed than that.

00:27:32.000 And it's good.

00:27:33.000 It's good that it's more relaxed than that.

00:27:35.000 But I think it creates people that are a little more confused.

00:27:38.000 Yeah, there does seem to be a survival of the fittest element in the Jersey, New York area.

00:27:43.000 Yeah.

00:27:44.000 Smart people there too, man.

00:27:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:27:46.000 Talk to some stressed out, smart motherfuckers in New York. 1.00

00:27:49.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:27:49.000 They're intense, man. 0.99

00:27:50.000 They're fucking stressed out. 0.99

00:27:52.000 They want to step outside for a cigarette? 0.99

00:27:53.000 You don't even know what's going on with Lehman Marcus.

00:27:56.000 The whole way the system is set up, it's impossible for them to fail. 0.97

00:27:59.000 What they're doing is they're getting fucking painless. 1.00

00:28:01.000 These are smart, super intense motherfuckers. 0.99

00:28:04.000 I have to choose what I do here because I can go with you on this stage and lose my life to this crazy type of thinking or I can go, yeah, I'm going to go to California and I'm going to smoke some pot and relax. 1.00

00:28:19.000 Sure.

00:28:20.000 It's like there's an intensity there, and there's a fervor about things.

00:28:24.000 I believe part of it has to do with dealing with weather.

00:28:26.000 Yeah.

00:28:27.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:28:27.000 I think that dealing with weather is a humbling thing, and I think it makes you, you know, you have to stockpile food for the winter.

00:28:32.000 Sure.

00:28:33.000 And you didn't just have to do it in 1950.

00:28:35.000 You had to do it in 1850 when there's no refrigerators.

00:28:37.000 And a lot of those people that lived there are the ancestors from people that lived...

00:28:41.000 I mean, those are the people that established it.

00:28:43.000 And the other people, if they weren't there 200 years ago, they were in another country. 0.94

00:28:48.000 And they took a chance coming over on a fucking boat someplace they've never seen when there was no movies about it, no internet. 0.93

00:28:54.000 They had to hear stories from someone, a letter... 0.99

00:28:57.000 You know, dear John, I have made it here to the new land.

00:29:01.000 Oh, the fruit is plenty. 0.90

00:29:03.000 The brown people are strange. 1.00

00:29:05.000 They have paint on their face. 0.91

00:29:06.000 Gold is everywhere.

00:29:07.000 Come soon. 1.00

00:29:08.000 So they just took chances and fucking got on boats and traveled across a goddamn ocean when there's no GPS, no cell phones, no fucking flares. 1.00

00:29:16.000 Bitch, if that fucking boat goes down, you're done! 1.00

00:29:18.000 Yeah, that's it. 1.00

00:29:19.000 You're in the middle of the ocean, which is bigger than the continent.

00:29:22.000 On a gamble for a maybe.

00:29:24.000 Chuck! 0.91

00:29:24.000 Goddammit, you're just hoping to float it out? 0.91

00:29:26.000 You crazy asshole! 1.00

00:29:28.000 That's how bad Europe sucked. 1.00

00:29:30.000 Europe sucked so bad in the 1700s. 0.98

00:29:33.000 Dudes were willing to get dysentery and cholera. 0.79

00:29:36.000 What would they get? 1.00

00:29:38.000 Scurvy from no vitamin C. They were fucking eating rats, bro, to stay alive. 1.00

00:29:43.000 People were dying. 1.00

00:29:44.000 They were throwing them off the boat.

00:29:46.000 A lot of people died.

00:29:47.000 They would get sick.

00:29:48.000 Everyone would get ill.

00:29:50.000 Yeah, the plague.

00:29:51.000 That's why they'd rather come here to nothing.

00:29:54.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:29:54.000 To have an established, you know, roads and shit. 0.98

00:29:57.000 We had nothing, and then we built our own. 0.98

00:29:59.000 We made our own.

00:30:00.000 Yeah, they came to trees and water, and they're like, I'll take it.

00:30:03.000 We'll take it. 1.00

00:30:03.000 Get me the fuck away from these douchebags over there. 1.00

00:30:06.000 Yeah, yeah, exactly. 1.00

00:30:07.000 And they kept the attitude, too, especially on the East Coast, where they colonized.

00:30:11.000 They just kept the attitude.

00:30:12.000 And I think it seems to me that the West Coast is all slowly, as far as you get out, a big percentage of those people are going to be the children of the people who originally landed. 1.00

00:30:21.000 Oh, right.

00:30:22.000 They're going to be the people that got there.

00:30:23.000 Everybody landed on the East, pretty much, right? 1.00

00:30:25.000 And so then they go, well, fuck this place. 1.00

00:30:27.000 Let's keep moving West. 1.00

00:30:28.000 And they kept going and going and going and going.

00:30:29.000 So the people that made it all the way here, it's almost like spoiled children.

00:30:33.000 Right.

00:30:34.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:30:35.000 It's almost like they don't appreciate what it takes to make all this happen.

00:30:40.000 Like, you're lucky.

00:30:41.000 You're just in a lucky spot.

00:30:42.000 You found a spot where it doesn't snow, and it doesn't get too hot, and it hardly ever rains.

00:30:47.000 It's an easy spot to live.

00:30:48.000 It really is.

00:30:49.000 And they say it does something to the psyche as far as, you know, the lack of change kind of almost puts us in a trance.

00:30:55.000 Yeah.

00:30:55.000 You know, where you gear up for winter back east and all that.

00:30:58.000 I do like the idea of socializing there on the East Coast.

00:31:02.000 They are a lot more social with each other.

00:31:03.000 And if you're in New York, you can see a real heated debate get really heated but never come to blows.

00:31:08.000 Where on the West Coast, it would come to blows. 1.00

00:31:10.000 It comes to stupid. 1.00

00:31:11.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:31:12.000 We don't cross paths with each other as much as they do.

00:31:15.000 We don't share a confined space.

00:31:16.000 It's real spread out here.

00:31:18.000 It always has been.

00:31:19.000 They walk.

00:31:20.000 Yeah, they walk.

00:31:21.000 No one walks here.

00:31:22.000 Oh, not at all.

00:31:23.000 In California, there's no walking.

00:31:23.000 So it's a much worse setup because you're so disconnected from all the people around you.

00:31:29.000 That's why it's like there's such a big contrast between the haves and have-nots here.

00:31:34.000 Sure.

00:31:34.000 It's the most obvious.

00:31:35.000 This is the most bling-bling part of the country.

00:31:37.000 Yeah.

00:31:37.000 And one of the reasons why is because you feel disconnected from all the people that you're around.

00:31:41.000 You're not touching them.

00:31:41.000 You're not in contact with them.

00:31:43.000 You're not on the subway with them.

00:31:44.000 You're not walking on the street interacting with And because of that, you feel like you're disconnected from them.

00:31:48.000 You feel like you're not a part of them.

00:31:50.000 They're something else.

00:31:51.000 And it makes a separatism between the two gaps.

00:31:53.000 And there's a lack of respect for each other.

00:31:55.000 And it's like, that's the thing. 0.68

00:31:56.000 The most racist, homophobic people are places where there aren't any.

00:32:01.000 Yeah.

00:32:01.000 You know, which is so funny because it's just so...

00:32:04.000 I will never understand people who hate gay people because out of all the gay people I've ever met, 70% of them were entertaining as fuck. 0.99

00:32:11.000 They're the nicest, happiest people in the world. 1.00

00:32:13.000 They're like little teddy bears that have dicks and they're trying to fuck you. 1.00

00:32:16.000 Jeff, the piano guy? 1.00

00:32:17.000 Was he one of the coolest motherfuckers of all time? 0.99

00:32:20.000 He's so cool. 0.99

00:32:21.000 So creative, cool, loyal.

00:32:23.000 A great guy.

00:32:25.000 Why would you care if it had nothing to do with you?

00:32:28.000 That's what I don't care. 0.86

00:32:29.000 The real prejudice should be against people who are prejudiced against gay people. 1.00

00:32:34.000 What the fuck is wrong with you? 1.00

00:32:36.000 That's like being... 0.99

00:32:37.000 Look, it sounds like a terrible thing to say, but it's like being upset at someone for any other physical animality.

00:32:44.000 Sure.

00:32:44.000 Like being short.

00:32:45.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:32:45.000 You know, having a big fucking nose. 1.00

00:32:48.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:32:48.000 You hate people that have a big nose? 1.00

00:32:50.000 He's born gay. 0.99

00:32:51.000 Right. 0.99

00:32:51.000 If you don't think someone's born gay, just hang out with gay people. 0.99

00:32:53.000 Right. 0.97

00:32:54.000 Who chooses it?

00:32:54.000 They will all tell you, man.

00:32:55.000 Right.

00:32:56.000 Almost to a man.

00:32:57.000 They all were like, when I was seven, I looked at the catalogs and I got hard on.

00:33:00.000 Right.

00:33:01.000 I didn't know why.

00:33:01.000 Right.

00:33:02.000 Sports Illustrated made my dick tingle. 0.99

00:33:04.000 They all tell you that, man. 0.99

00:33:06.000 There's some deep-seated fear that they have it within them if they hate them, I think.

00:33:10.000 There's some dudes that could be pushed into it, and I think they're very scared.

00:33:13.000 Yeah, those are very scared.

00:33:14.000 There's a lot of on-the-fence people.

00:33:15.000 There's a lot of people that are also wired to do what they're not supposed to do. 0.99

00:33:19.000 There's a lot of people that are just wired to do shit that's wrong. 0.99

00:33:21.000 I think it has something to do with people that like blowjob videos. 1.00

00:33:25.000 I think some dudes, for real, some dudes are so dumb that they fight the system no matter what. 0.99

00:33:33.000 They're wired to not do what they're supposed to do. 1.00

00:33:35.000 But if they're in a situation where they're drunk and they're with a guy, the situation to not do is not let this guy suck your dick. 1.00

00:33:41.000 But they might be so crazy and stupid and be like, alright, let's see what this is like. 1.00

00:33:47.000 Just because I don't give a fuck, bro. 1.00

00:33:49.000 I'll do whatever. 0.99

00:33:51.000 And I know we all have guys in our head that we're thinking of, but it's just like...

00:33:54.000 And probably some of the same guys, too.

00:33:57.000 Especially within this thing, when you meet guys like that.

00:33:59.000 I've met so many.

00:34:00.000 One we were talking about earlier in your kitchen.

00:34:03.000 Yeah, there's a lot of them out there.

00:34:05.000 There's a lot of people that are a mess. 0.98

00:34:07.000 But still, man, the prejudice against hating gay people, to me, is one of the most disturbing ones. 0.98

00:34:13.000 It's getting exposed that it ain't cool, though.

00:34:15.000 I mean, it's definitely there, but some really cool people are starting to say, knock it off, you know? 0.99

00:34:20.000 It has to be, because I want to be able to use the word faggot and not worry about anything. 1.00

00:34:24.000 You can. 0.99

00:34:25.000 I don't want anybody thinking I'm a goddamn homophobe, because I'm not at all, not even a little bit. 0.99

00:34:28.000 And I want to be able to make fun of crazy people like Ted Haggard and not be called a homophobe. 0.99

00:34:33.000 Oh, right, right. 0.98

00:34:34.000 Or this Eddie Long character that's been banging kids. 1.00

00:34:37.000 There's a lot of these crazy religious assholes that are pretending to be straight, but really they're gay and they're fucking people. 1.00

00:34:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:34:43.000 Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with being gay. 1.00

00:34:46.000 When I'm talking about some crazy liar, I'm not talking about two people that are in a consensual relationship and they enjoy each other's company and they both happen to be guys. 0.99

00:34:53.000 What do I give a fuck about that? 1.00

00:34:55.000 What's funny to me is crazy assholes like Ted Haggard. 1.00

00:34:59.000 Oh yeah, who go on a crusade. 1.00

00:35:00.000 Super religious and doing meth and getting hookers off Craigslist. 0.99

00:35:04.000 Just loking out. 0.99

00:35:05.000 But it's a funny thing, whereas if you start making fun of that guy, all of a sudden you're making fun of all gays. 0.98

00:35:10.000 Yeah, that's where it's getting kind of ridiculous. 0.92

00:35:13.000 It's like, you still have to be able to, like, you know...

00:35:16.000 You've got to be able to make fun of everything, if it's valid.

00:35:18.000 There's hood people, and we make fun of them. 1.00

00:35:20.000 It's not like we're making fun of all black people. 0.99

00:35:21.000 Remember everybody getting raped in here? 0.99

00:35:23.000 Remember the internet person? 0.87

00:35:25.000 What is that?

00:35:25.000 The one, whatever.

00:35:26.000 Everybody getting raped in here. 0.98

00:35:28.000 It's like, we were made fun of that person. 0.99

00:35:30.000 Not all black people. 0.99

00:35:31.000 It's just that person. 0.99

00:35:32.000 Same with the flamboyant gay or the guy hiding it. 1.00

00:35:35.000 I mean, guys like Hagrid, that's hilarious. 0.99

00:35:36.000 It's like you find out he's not just gay, but he's the most devious, just disgusting, like, it's almost like a Law and Order episode. 1.00

00:35:45.000 It's so bad. 0.99

00:35:46.000 It's like, are you kidding me? 1.00

00:35:47.000 I loved the gay hooker that he was banging went on CNN. My man just outed him. 1.00

00:35:52.000 He's like, yeah, I'm a gay hooker. 1.00

00:35:54.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

00:35:55.000 He just went on CNN and admitted he was a gay prostitute and he had sex several times with Ted Haggard and they smoked meth together and shit. 1.00

00:36:02.000 So brilliant. 1.00

00:36:03.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:36:03.000 That guy got on CNN! I think he probably got more dick after that. 0.71

00:36:08.000 I bet his fucking roster was stocked every day. 1.00

00:36:11.000 No, the gay hooker. 1.00

00:36:12.000 I bet that was the best thing for his business ever. 1.00

00:36:14.000 Big time.

00:36:15.000 If he was smart, he would have said, I'll go on.

00:36:17.000 Just poke my website up there.

00:36:18.000 Plug my website. 0.94

00:36:19.000 Yeah, he got Bible butt. 0.98

00:36:21.000 Gaymilitary.com. 0.70

00:36:22.000 That kind of guy, when they find out about guys like that I just love, it's like you never think you're going to see that kind of justice in your life.

00:36:28.000 Like one of the worst people on earth.

00:36:31.000 You're like, is this for me?

00:36:32.000 It's like, that's so good.

00:36:33.000 Exactly.

00:36:33.000 It's like a gift from the universe.

00:36:35.000 Like to see Rush Limbaugh really get his or somebody like that.

00:36:37.000 You know what I mean?

00:36:38.000 Like to see somebody...

00:36:38.000 Well, but he was hooked on OxyContin, so it was pretty close.

00:36:41.000 Homeboy was taking 100 Oxys a day and ranting on against the liberal elite.

00:36:46.000 You don't just kick that.

00:36:48.000 Well, it made him go deaf.

00:36:51.000 How about that?

00:36:52.000 He was doing so many oxys, he lost his hearing.

00:36:55.000 Holla! 1.00

00:36:57.000 How the fuck does that work? 0.98

00:36:59.000 Alex Jones explained the medical reasoning behind it to me. 0.92

00:37:03.000 I don't remember it, nor do I know if it's correct.

00:37:06.000 And it makes sense to me.

00:37:08.000 I don't think...

00:37:09.000 Look, you go deaf, and by the way, you happen to be doing 100 oxys a day? 0.99

00:37:12.000 That might be related. 1.00

00:37:14.000 That fat fuck was throwing down 100! 1.00

00:37:16.000 I can't hear, but I'm going to continue to use it because I like getting high. 1.00

00:37:21.000 You can do it on Rush Limbaugh, man.

00:37:23.000 We need to make some parodies.

00:37:24.000 Yes, Rush Limbaugh.

00:37:25.000 Yes!

00:37:25.000 I buy this off of a liberal.

00:37:27.000 Brody!

00:37:28.000 But I do them.

00:37:29.000 It's so funny. 1.00

00:37:30.000 That guy's just tuned into that dumb, dumb ideology. 1.00

00:37:33.000 That just dumb, dumb, you know, I'm a fucking patriot. 1.00

00:37:37.000 I'm here to... 1.00

00:37:38.000 There's a good God, Christian, loving country here, and we need to support all these goddamn hippies out there and liberals. 0.99

00:37:46.000 They're trying to take down this democracy, this great thing that was founded in 17... 0.99

00:37:49.000 And they'll just start rattling off facts and numbers.

00:37:51.000 You think he believes all that?

00:37:51.000 No, he's an act.

00:37:53.000 They're acts.

00:37:53.000 They're all acts.

00:37:55.000 They know it's far more complex than that, but that position is an excellent profit position. 0.97

00:38:01.000 You can make a lot of fucking money being the super patriot guy rallying against the liberals. 1.00

00:38:05.000 Because nobody wants to be a pussy. 1.00

00:38:07.000 Liberals are pussies. 1.00

00:38:08.000 That's the problem. 1.00

00:38:09.000 People go, what are you, Rogan?

00:38:11.000 Don't tell me you're a liberal.

00:38:12.000 Oh, don't tell me I want Right.

00:38:16.000 Right.

00:38:17.000 I believe in the First Amendment. 1.00

00:38:18.000 And I think gay people should be willing to do whatever the fuck they want to do or allowed to do whatever the fuck they want to do. 0.99

00:38:23.000 People should be able to get married. 1.00

00:38:24.000 You shouldn't, you know, hate crime shouldn't be real. 0.92

00:38:27.000 I think, yeah, we should figure out how to fucking clean up the ghettos. 1.00

00:38:30.000 I think we should figure out how to use some of our taxes to fucking help out little kids that are born into some shit position. 1.00

00:38:37.000 And it's supposed to be all within the jurisdiction of this country. 0.98

00:38:39.000 So yeah, why aren't we approaching that?

00:38:40.000 So if that makes me a liberal, yeah, I'm a liberal.

00:38:43.000 Which everything you've named, a lot of people are scared to realize that they are.

00:38:46.000 I have a lot of friends, especially back in Arizona growing up there, who are like, bro, I'm conservative.

00:38:50.000 It's like, look at you.

00:38:51.000 You look like a rapper right now.

00:38:54.000 You're not conservative.

00:38:56.000 You quote Tupac.

00:38:57.000 You're not conservative.

00:38:58.000 You're just not.

00:38:59.000 What people think of conservative, a lot of it is in support of big business. 0.99

00:39:04.000 And that's a problem because they say, well, hey, it's just fucking capitalism. 0.98

00:39:07.000 That's why this country is so great. 0.96

00:39:09.000 I totally am in favor of big business. 0.99

00:39:12.000 If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have all this cool shit. 0.98

00:39:14.000 But the problem is big business likes to act like it's not a person. 0.99

00:39:19.000 Like it's above being a person. 0.99

00:39:20.000 If big business was a person and did all this shit, it would get sued and closed down and arrested. 1.00

00:39:25.000 He'd be an asshole. 1.00

00:39:27.000 Like Halliburton. 1.00

00:39:29.000 There's $90 billion missing from Iraq.

00:39:32.000 $90 billion.

00:39:34.000 If Halliburton was a dude...

00:39:36.000 And he's like, I don't know. 0.99

00:39:37.000 It's fucking gone, man. 0.99

00:39:39.000 They're like, Bob, there's 90 billion missing. 1.00

00:39:42.000 90,000 million. 1.00

00:39:44.000 Where the fuck is it? 0.99

00:39:45.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:39:46.000 You couldn't fucking do that. 0.99

00:39:48.000 They would arrest that guy. 0.99

00:39:49.000 That guy would be in shackles in the court.

00:39:51.000 That would be the number one story on the news.

00:39:53.000 Ever, yeah.

00:39:54.000 Bob Halliburton in the court today.

00:39:56.000 Doesn't know where he put the 90 billion.

00:39:58.000 It's like misplacing a state.

00:39:59.000 Like, where's Wyoming? 1.00

00:40:00.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:40:01.000 Where did Wyoming go? 1.00

00:40:02.000 Think of the number.

00:40:03.000 90 billion.

00:40:05.000 That is so huge.

00:40:06.000 That is such a sizable piece of money that could do so much for every state in the nation.

00:40:11.000 They would notice it. 1.00

00:40:13.000 I'm talking major shit. 1.00

00:40:14.000 They're missing so much money over there. 1.00

00:40:15.000 They're missing money from the mercenary accounts. 0.99

00:40:18.000 They don't know where the fuck anything is going. 0.96

00:40:20.000 It's amazing. 0.99

00:40:21.000 Do you know that Monsanto, the fucking seed corporation, the genetically modified food corporation, the one that sells seeds to farmers and then makes the farmer buy new seeds next year and you can't use the seeds. 0.99

00:40:32.000 No wax seeds. 0.99

00:40:33.000 Yeah, you can't reuse them like nature intends. 0.98

00:40:37.000 If you buy a fucking tomato and that tomato has seeds in it, or you buy seeds for the tomato, grow the tomato, and then take the seeds out of the tomatoes you grow and replant them, they'll arrest you. 0.98

00:40:47.000 You're breaking the law. 1.00

00:40:48.000 They just bought Blackwater.

00:40:54.000 Jeez.

00:40:54.000 The devil just bought...

00:40:56.000 The most evil corporation bought the second most evil corporation.

00:41:00.000 That is awful.

00:41:01.000 I saw what they did to those poor farmers, those poor guys.

00:41:04.000 They're like, what am I supposed to do?

00:41:06.000 They're like, you're growing seeds, aren't you?

00:41:07.000 A chick named Crooklyn from Tap Out Radio sent me a documentary and I watched it and it's...

00:41:12.000 It's all about these people from these impoverished countries that committed suicide because they couldn't repay the debt that they owed to Monsanto.

00:41:19.000 Oh my god.

00:41:20.000 Dude, it's all about how what they figured out was if you could get patents on plants.

00:41:25.000 Yeah.

00:41:26.000 If you could modify a plant, get a patent on it, then you own it, then you copyright that plant.

00:41:31.000 It's yours.

00:41:31.000 Right.

00:41:31.000 No one else can grow it.

00:41:32.000 Right.

00:41:32.000 And you can control it, just like downloads on the internet.

00:41:35.000 That's crazy. 1.00

00:41:36.000 It's fucking nuts, man. 1.00

00:41:37.000 They've figured out a way to do that with food. 1.00

00:41:39.000 They've figured out a way to copyright food.

00:41:41.000 It's like their food.

00:41:42.000 When I saw a bunch of those, the King Corn and all those other ones, I was honest to God completely naive about the whole thing.

00:41:48.000 I don't eat fast food and that kind of crap, but I was like, I think I'm doing okay, but I don't realize it doesn't matter that I'm getting the choice cut of beef at Ralph's. 0.75

00:41:55.000 It's still from this corn-fed slaughterhouse. 0.97

00:41:59.000 They said there was something like 14,000 slaughterhouses in America in the early 80s, and now there's like Really?

00:42:06.000 Literally.

00:42:07.000 It's all going down through one company.

00:42:09.000 Tyson Farms, and I can't remember the other one, but it's like literally your meat is all...

00:42:14.000 And it's like if one's bad, that's why people are getting sick with E. coli all over in mass numbers, because nothing's regionalized anymore.

00:42:22.000 It's all centralized.

00:42:23.000 It's like we make it here, we chop the meat up, we put the bad with the good, and we sell it to you. 0.99

00:42:27.000 Unless you're getting shit from a farmer that you know is a farmer or your local... 0.99

00:42:33.000 Luckily here we've got them, farmer's markets, but it's disgusting. 1.00

00:42:37.000 That's another fucked up thing about people, the disconnect between the meat and your food. 0.98

00:42:43.000 The disconnect between where it comes from. 0.99

00:42:45.000 There's a big disconnect there.

00:42:47.000 I've told people that I want to go hunting.

00:42:48.000 I'm supposed to go hunting with Ricky Schroeder this season.

00:42:51.000 Ricky Schroeder loves to hunt.

00:42:53.000 Really?

00:42:53.000 It's kind of crazy.

00:42:55.000 But, and I tell people about it, they're like, why would you want to kill an animal?

00:42:58.000 Why would you want to do that?

00:42:59.000 I'm like, you eat meat.

00:42:59.000 Don't you eat meat?

00:43:00.000 Someone's killing that.

00:43:01.000 Well, you know what?

00:43:02.000 I don't have to see it.

00:43:03.000 If I don't have to see it, I don't want to see it.

00:43:04.000 You don't want to see it, but you're experiencing what comes from it, and that's like, there's a disconnect there.

00:43:09.000 That can never be healthy.

00:43:10.000 It can never be healthy to be eating animals and not know what it feels like to kill an animal.

00:43:14.000 Right.

00:43:14.000 Yeah, you're right about that.

00:43:15.000 It can't because you're not going to appreciate it.

00:43:17.000 I mean, think about the people that we consider the most in tune with nature.

00:43:20.000 Those are the American Indians, right?

00:43:22.000 Those are the ones that we always glorify and we always, you know, say that these are the guys that were, like, in tune with the – they used every part of the buffalo that they killed.

00:43:30.000 Yeah, they didn't waste anything.

00:43:31.000 They lived harmoniously with their – They would praise the spirit of the animal that provided them with food.

00:43:38.000 This respect for their own prey was very prevalent throughout their culture.

00:43:44.000 Respect for the buffalo and all these different stories about the buffalo.

00:43:47.000 We came in and slaughtered them all.

00:43:48.000 Dude, you want to talk about how destructive human beings can be.

00:43:52.000 That's one of the greatest stories ever.

00:43:53.000 Oh yeah, just how many they slaughtered. 0.63

00:43:55.000 Just slaughtered them in how short a time.

00:43:58.000 There were millions of them. 0.81

00:43:59.000 They used to be all over the place.

00:44:00.000 Buffalo used to be overwhelming all over this country.

00:44:04.000 I'd freak out if I saw one once.

00:44:06.000 I've seen one in my life.

00:44:07.000 That'd be crazy.

00:44:08.000 And they just went nutty. 1.00

00:44:10.000 Shooting all of them and taking their skins. 0.99

00:44:11.000 That was like a big business. 1.00

00:44:13.000 Shooting buffaloes and selling their skins.

00:44:15.000 And they didn't know, they were picking them off like what, you know, just like cherries in the beginning because they didn't know to be afraid of man because they never had been and they never heard a gun.

00:44:23.000 Yeah.

00:44:24.000 You know, they didn't know to scatter when they heard that gun.

00:44:26.000 They just, boom, one would drop.

00:44:27.000 Boom, another would drop. 1.00

00:44:28.000 Talk about a fucking species getting jacked. 1.00

00:44:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:44:32.000 Species living forever in this one spot, having no problems, eating grass, wandering around, and all of a sudden these little pink monkeys with metal bang sticks come out of nowhere and just start dropping motherfuckers. 1.00

00:44:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:44:45.000 We talk about an alien invasion, man. 1.00

00:44:47.000 How terrifying must that shit be into Buffalo? 1.00

00:44:49.000 Oh, I know. 1.00

00:44:50.000 That's like an alien invasion. 0.99

00:44:51.000 That's like fucking We Are the War of Worlds. 0.99

00:44:53.000 Right. 0.99

00:44:54.000 We Are the World.

00:44:55.000 We Are the World.

00:44:56.000 It would be like We Are the World.

00:44:58.000 All the monkeys are holding hands with the buffalo. 0.98

00:45:00.000 Dude, think about how fucking freaky that would be if buffalo were intelligent and this just started happening and they were just stuck with these goofy buffalo bodies. 0.98

00:45:06.000 Oh, God. 0.98

00:45:07.000 I mean, look at dolphin bodies.

00:45:08.000 Dolphins can't really move anything around.

00:45:09.000 They can't.

00:45:10.000 They can't manipulate things.

00:45:12.000 They're kind of stuck just as much as buffalo are.

00:45:14.000 You just can't say that man doesn't have an effect on his environment, because that's the first series of evidence that proves that. 1.00

00:45:20.000 Fuck, dude. 1.00

00:45:21.000 We wiped out Indians, buffaloes, everything. 1.00

00:45:23.000 Yeah, dude. 0.99

00:45:24.000 We make shit extinct, and then we bring a thing or two back, like the California condo. 0.98

00:45:28.000 But again, it was like, who... 0.99

00:45:29.000 Yeah, right?

00:45:30.000 Keep that spotted owl healthy!

00:45:31.000 Ah!

00:45:32.000 That little prick in my front yard, that owl, I hate that prick. 0.92

00:45:35.000 I hate it. 0.99

00:45:36.000 I got a big ass owl that lives in my neighborhood, bro. 1.00

00:45:39.000 I see this motherfucker at night. 1.00

00:45:40.000 He's big like a dog. 1.00

00:45:41.000 Yeah, dude.

00:45:42.000 Owls are no joke.

00:45:44.000 No, they're not a joke. 1.00

00:45:45.000 They are big and fucking scary, and they're like the most ruthless predators. 1.00

00:45:49.000 Oh, big time. 0.99

00:45:49.000 Owls attack eagles. 0.99

00:45:50.000 Yeah.

00:45:51.000 They go in eagles' nests while eagles are sleeping and kill them.

00:45:53.000 How about that?

00:45:54.000 Those are bad news.

00:45:55.000 Talons, they get you, man.

00:45:56.000 I've seen them jackrabbits around here, man.

00:45:58.000 Oh, yeah.

00:45:58.000 It's a trip.

00:45:59.000 You're watching Wild Kingdom type shit right on my street. 0.99

00:46:03.000 It's weird. 0.99

00:46:04.000 There's a bird of prey living in our front yard.

00:46:06.000 A big one.

00:46:07.000 And when he gets loud at night, woo!

00:46:09.000 I'm just like, please be quiet.

00:46:10.000 Woo! 0.99

00:46:11.000 It's just so scary.

00:46:12.000 It's like you hear it coming from his diaphragm.

00:46:14.000 He's a man.

00:46:15.000 Yeah, it's like a man.

00:46:16.000 It's like a 60-pound animal.

00:46:18.000 There's a dude out in the tree.

00:46:19.000 I mean, I don't know how much they actually weigh, but it looks like if it was a dog, it'd be like a 50-pound dog.

00:46:24.000 Five, six-foot wingspan.

00:46:25.000 It's a flying cat.

00:46:26.000 There was one outside, bigger than a cat, way bigger than a cat.

00:46:29.000 There was one outside my window the other day.

00:46:31.000 He was just sitting on my railing. 1.00

00:46:32.000 Motherfucker was... 1.00

00:46:33.000 He had to be almost three feet tall. 1.00

00:46:36.000 It was gigantic. 1.00

00:46:37.000 A big fucking gray thing. 0.99

00:46:40.000 And I'm looking, I'm like, that's like a demon. 0.99

00:46:42.000 This thing that only comes out at night and just jacks things. 0.88

00:46:46.000 Takes advantage of the fact that everyone else is sleeping and just fucks things. 0.69

00:46:49.000 You've got to think, the first person to see, I always think that about silverback gorillas. 1.00

00:46:53.000 Compared to men, they were discovered pretty recently in the grand scheme of things.

00:46:56.000 I think the mountain gorilla in the 50s was the first time somebody came across this healthy...

00:47:02.000 Furry black man who can... 1.00

00:47:04.000 I'm half black, by the way, audience. 0.88

00:47:06.000 Just to get that out of the way.

00:47:07.000 Hey, man, who the...

00:47:08.000 But, like, just this monster. 0.92

00:47:12.000 Monster.

00:47:12.000 There's a monster.

00:47:14.000 Ferocious vegetarian. 0.99

00:47:15.000 Like, and nobody would believe you. 1.00

00:47:17.000 Little dicks. 1.00

00:47:17.000 Little one-inch dicks. 1.00

00:47:18.000 Little tiny ones. 0.97

00:47:19.000 And peaceful animals at that, too.

00:47:21.000 You notice them versus the chimps.

00:47:22.000 The chimps are the ones with the loose screws.

00:47:24.000 They start clapping.

00:47:25.000 Chips are out of control.

00:47:26.000 They're like gangs, but the gorilla just eats and sleeps all day.

00:47:29.000 Well, they're vegetarians.

00:47:30.000 That's the difference.

00:47:31.000 That's clearly the difference.

00:47:32.000 I mean, they've figured out a way to supply their body with just plants, so there's no need to be aggressive except to protect themselves.

00:47:39.000 Are you a vegetarian?

00:47:40.000 No.

00:47:41.000 Do you know Herschel Walker?

00:47:43.000 Yes.

00:47:43.000 Is his diet real?

00:47:46.000 It may not be.

00:47:47.000 It doesn't make any sense.

00:47:48.000 It doesn't make any sense.

00:47:50.000 You couldn't maintain max.

00:47:51.000 Apparently, Hershel Walker is one of those guys, and he's a tremendous athlete and an incredible competitor.

00:47:56.000 He's a great football player, and he's been a... 0.99

00:47:58.000 A great spokesperson for depression and for brain injuries and shit like that. 1.00

00:48:03.000 He's a bad motherfucker and he's a tremendous athlete. 1.00

00:48:06.000 I'm very impressed with the way he gets into Strikeforce. 1.00

00:48:08.000 But the knock on him is that he wants people to think and know that he's extraordinary.

00:48:14.000 He is extraordinary as an athlete.

00:48:16.000 He's got extraordinary work ethic, extraordinary abilities.

00:48:19.000 But he wants people to think that he's something out of this world.

00:48:22.000 So he'll say something like...

00:48:23.000 I don't know this is true.

00:48:25.000 I mean, this is just what I've heard.

00:48:26.000 What I've heard is that he'll say, well, I only eat a bowl of soup a day. 1.00

00:48:29.000 Meanwhile, he's fucking eating food, man. 1.00

00:48:31.000 Look at him. 1.00

00:48:31.000 He weighs 220 pounds. 1.00

00:48:32.000 He would disappear.

00:48:33.000 Exactly.

00:48:34.000 That's the thing. 0.96

00:48:35.000 Stop it with your crazy talk. 0.97

00:48:36.000 He's massive. 0.99

00:48:36.000 His traps start from the bottom of his ears and go down here. 0.99

00:48:39.000 I don't necessarily believe his diet.

00:48:41.000 Yeah, but I'm a huge fan.

00:48:42.000 Yeah, he's...

00:48:43.000 I mean, I've heard my whole life growing up, they're like, he only does push-ups, he only does prison work.

00:48:46.000 Yeah, I mean, he does.

00:48:47.000 He does.

00:48:48.000 I bought that, but the meal thing, I was like, there's no way.

00:48:51.000 It doesn't make any sense.

00:48:51.000 Your body would eat it, your muscles would continue to start to eat themselves.

00:48:54.000 There's no food.

00:48:55.000 That's not enough calories.

00:48:56.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:48:56.000 That's ridiculous. 0.95

00:48:57.000 It doesn't make any sense. 0.95

00:48:58.000 It's just, it's like one plus one is 89. Right.

00:49:00.000 That's what you're saying to me.

00:49:01.000 You're saying you eat a bowl of soup every day?

00:49:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:49:03.000 Okay, and you weigh 220 and you fucking do MMA workouts for three hours a day and you're 47. Exactly, yeah. 0.99

00:49:08.000 What are you talking about?

00:49:09.000 What are you talking about? 0.96

00:49:10.000 You just said some nonsense.

00:49:11.000 I'm God.

00:49:12.000 That's who I am.

00:49:12.000 I don't know what he's really eating.

00:49:14.000 I don't even know what he really said.

00:49:15.000 But I've heard people that were very knowledgeable, that were professional fitness people, instructors, and personal trainers, fight trainers, and nutritionists. 0.98

00:49:25.000 I've heard a conversation among six guys, and they were all saying, there's no fucking way. 0.96

00:49:30.000 There's no way. 0.98

00:49:31.000 There's no way.

00:49:31.000 Even with supplements, there's no way.

00:49:33.000 It's like this guy's eating food.

00:49:34.000 He has to eat foods.

00:49:35.000 You have to.

00:49:36.000 Some guys go vegan.

00:49:37.000 There's a lot of guys that are vegans.

00:49:39.000 That's pretty extreme.

00:49:40.000 Antonio McKee is a very successful wrestler.

00:49:43.000 He's really good.

00:49:43.000 He's been undefeated for, I think, six, seven years in a row.

00:49:46.000 Just fucking takes guys down, outworks them. 0.99

00:49:48.000 He's a vegan. 1.00

00:49:50.000 Straight vegan.

00:49:50.000 Mac Danzig, he's another one.

00:49:51.000 Straight vegan.

00:49:51.000 What's the deal, though?

00:49:52.000 How do you get your protein?

00:49:54.000 It's like, I could never be one.

00:49:56.000 Quinoa is the best source because quinoa is this grain that...

00:50:00.000 Yeah, it's spelled Quinona.

00:50:02.000 It's spelled like Q-U-I-O-N-A or something like that.

00:50:06.000 It's really good.

00:50:08.000 And it's a grain that has all the amino acids in it.

00:50:11.000 But if you have hemp protein, you're not going to get all of them.

00:50:14.000 And if you have rice protein, you're not going to get all of them.

00:50:17.000 You don't get the same stuff that you get out of meat unless you're very careful.

00:50:21.000 You've got to be really careful with your protein.

00:50:23.000 I mean, is it better to be a vegetarian, do you think?

00:50:26.000 I don't think so.

00:50:27.000 Not necessarily. 0.97

00:50:28.000 You know, it's an interesting story when Travis Barker from Blink 180, whatever the fuck it is. 0.96

00:50:33.000 What is he from? 0.97

00:50:34.000 The dude with tattoos, yeah.

00:50:36.000 You know, that guy got in a terrible plane crash.

00:50:38.000 Right, with the DJ. Yeah, well, when he got fucked up in that plane crash, that's when he became a meat eater. 0.99

00:50:45.000 Because the skin grafts weren't taking. 0.99

00:50:47.000 Skin grafts weren't taking, and then once he started eating meat, they started taking.

00:50:51.000 Wow.

00:50:52.000 I've been eating hardcore vegan for the last couple weeks. 1.00

00:50:55.000 How many dicks do you suck in those times? 1.00

00:50:57.000 No, but I've been only doing it like 90% of the time, meaning I still throw in steak and stuff like that here and there, so I'm not doing 100% vegan, but I have noticed since I've been eating it, I just feel way better. 0.99

00:51:09.000 Well, you need to clean your diet up.

00:51:12.000 For you, you need to clean your diet up.

00:51:14.000 You know that.

00:51:15.000 I've always been eating healthy for Weight Watchers because I've been doing Weight Watchers for like four years.

00:51:21.000 You still do Weight Watchers?

00:51:22.000 Yeah, I've been on Weight Watchers too.

00:51:24.000 But you fluctuate.

00:51:26.000 You go back and forth.

00:51:27.000 What I'm saying is that you're obviously not watching it all the time.

00:51:30.000 And if you do and you all of a sudden get on this trick thing like a vegan diet, when you're getting all these nutrients and all this fiber and all this water in your system, you're going to feel way better for sure.

00:51:40.000 But a lot of it is because...

00:51:41.000 I've been eating a shitload of quinoa, though.

00:51:43.000 That's my new favorite thing.

00:51:45.000 Quinoa.

00:51:45.000 Quinoa, yeah.

00:51:46.000 Like I said, it's spelled funky.

00:51:47.000 But it's protein?

00:51:48.000 Yeah, what they say is the most complete plant-based protein.

00:51:53.000 There's a place called Swingers that makes the best. 0.77

00:51:55.000 You just go there and get a side of it.

00:51:57.000 I make protein shakes.

00:51:58.000 I put hemp protein in it.

00:51:59.000 Hemp protein's pretty good.

00:52:00.000 But whey protein really is better.

00:52:02.000 That's what I was doing.

00:52:02.000 I was doing 150 grams of the whey protein in it.

00:52:04.000 But you know, strangely enough, I developed a kidney stone shortly after that. 0.83

00:52:08.000 I'd rather get shot next time.

00:52:10.000 Gotta drink water, son.

00:52:11.000 Yeah, I'm drinking a lot more now.

00:52:13.000 Very important.

00:52:14.000 Even better than water.

00:52:14.000 You ever have coconut water?

00:52:16.000 No. 1.00

00:52:16.000 Oh, shit, son. 1.00

00:52:17.000 Oh, you got some coconut water up in here? 1.00

00:52:18.000 Shit, I got some coconut. 0.99

00:52:20.000 It's the best coconut water. 1.00

00:52:21.000 It's called O2C. It's called CO2. CO2. C2O. Yeah, C2O. That's fucking awesome.

00:52:33.000 Wait. 0.99

00:52:34.000 Way better than that coconut one or whatever it's called.

00:52:37.000 Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen.

00:52:39.000 Is this thing still on?

00:52:40.000 Because it just crashed.

00:52:40.000 Yeah, it's cool.

00:52:41.000 This coconut water is the fucking bomb diggity, folks. 0.99

00:52:44.000 And it's super healthy for you. 0.99

00:52:46.000 Coconut water, if you look at its nutritional profile, it's way better for you than sports drinks.

00:52:54.000 It's the best for you right after you get done working out.

00:52:58.000 Sweet.

00:52:58.000 It's delicious, too.

00:53:00.000 It is good.

00:53:01.000 So, you gotta take care of your body, son.

00:53:02.000 That's all we're talking about here. 1.00

00:53:04.000 Fitness and shit. 0.99

00:53:05.000 I just started, you know, I'm 31 now. 0.99

00:53:08.000 By the way, I have to say this one more time because I get people complain when someone goes, oh, I'm a vegetarian. 1.00

00:53:13.000 I go, how many dicks do you suck? 1.00

00:53:15.000 I'm not serious, okay? 1.00

00:53:17.000 Fucking relax with the tweets. 1.00

00:53:19.000 You ignorant asshole. 1.00

00:53:20.000 Vegetarianism does not equal gay. 1.00

00:53:22.000 If you're down with animal suffering and cruelty... 0.99

00:53:26.000 It's just a joke, man. 0.93

00:53:27.000 Do you think Mr. Rogers was gay? 0.99

00:53:28.000 Because I watched it the other day, and I felt like I was watching myself getting raped or something. 1.00

00:53:33.000 It was like, whoa, this creepy guy. 1.00

00:53:35.000 Oh my god, he's so gay now. 1.00

00:53:36.000 There's a lot of characters like that, or like Mr. Wizard that couldn't be around today, like old guy doing experiments in the basement. 0.98

00:53:43.000 I think Mr. Rogers was probably one of those guys that was gay, but...

00:53:47.000 He never did anything.

00:53:47.000 He didn't do anything because he didn't want to ruin his reputation.

00:53:51.000 He was like Dexter.

00:53:52.000 He sat home and cried.

00:53:54.000 He probably had three secrets that haunted him every day.

00:53:57.000 Fred Rogers is a pillar in the woods.

00:54:01.000 Something probably happened.

00:54:03.000 But whatever, that drawing, the artist guy used to go on canoe trips with kids.

00:54:07.000 Bob Ross.

00:54:08.000 Oh yeah, Bob Ross.

00:54:10.000 Me and Bob Ross are going to go canoeing with the kids this weekend.

00:54:14.000 It's a beautiful day.

00:54:15.000 Are you battling impressions?

00:54:17.000 I like, you know who I love is Huell Houser, you know?

00:54:19.000 Yeah, sure, sure.

00:54:20.000 Isn't he the best?

00:54:21.000 He's only an L.A. guy before the rest of the country.

00:54:23.000 He's this local guy, and he's kind of a country bumpkin, but he's just as nice and as pleased with everything.

00:54:29.000 You take him anywhere, he's like, wow, what's that?

00:54:31.000 They'll be like, it's a water fountain.

00:54:33.000 It's not even on the floor.

00:54:34.000 Let's go.

00:54:34.000 Oh, wow, what does it do?

00:54:36.000 But he's on PBS. It's one of these shows.

00:54:38.000 You get so addicted to watching such bad programming, you begin to love it, like really love it.

00:54:44.000 And you just see this guy, and he goes all around California, kind of annoying people, but he's likable, you know what I mean?

00:54:49.000 And I saw him one time, I lived in LA, Hollywood for 10 years, and I was like starstruck.

00:54:54.000 I was like, now there's a star, Hill Houser.

00:54:57.000 Because you feel like you're the only one on earth watching his show.

00:54:59.000 Well, other people watch it, too, and it becomes entertaining.

00:55:02.000 What is unentertaining and is terrible becomes so terrible, it becomes awesome.

00:55:07.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:55:08.000 And then it becomes weird.

00:55:09.000 It's like watching a really bad newscast or something.

00:55:11.000 They don't know that it's...

00:55:13.000 The problem with the guys that are doing unintentional comedy, they don't know they're doing that, they don't know.

00:55:18.000 So when you talk to them, that's when you get bummed out.

00:55:21.000 Oh, yeah.

00:55:22.000 You start talking to them.

00:55:22.000 Because you're goofing on them.

00:55:24.000 But they don't want to be goofed on.

00:55:26.000 I have a meeting with Oliver Stone.

00:55:28.000 Oh, God.

00:55:30.000 Wow, it sure is neat.

00:55:32.000 Some dudes, they don't want to be that guy.

00:55:35.000 Yeah, who else is like that?

00:55:37.000 And some people embrace it, though.

00:55:38.000 You take a Hasselhoff or William Shatner.

00:55:43.000 That's the coolest guy ever.

00:55:44.000 You know what I mean? 0.75

00:55:45.000 It's like, I'm a douchebag, yes, but... 0.93

00:55:47.000 I'm a good one. 0.95

00:55:47.000 You know, it's just got that, it's got that I know I'm a douche feeling. 0.95

00:55:51.000 I don't think he's a douche.

00:55:52.000 No, he's not a douche.

00:55:53.000 He's just got so much, so many people tugging at him, you have to act a certain way.

00:55:57.000 You have to be able to distance yourself slightly from people.

00:56:00.000 He embraces the caricature he is.

00:56:02.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:56:03.000 There's a little of that, but he's also, you know, he's a fucking talented guy. 0.99

00:56:07.000 He's been around a long goddamn time. 0.98

00:56:08.000 Dude, I worshiped it. 1.00

00:56:08.000 And people probably fuck with him all day. 1.00

00:56:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:56:10.000 I don't know anything about Priceline. 1.00

00:56:12.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:56:14.000 He was killer.

00:56:14.000 He's on the greatest Twilight Zone episode ever, Nightmare at 20,000 Feet.

00:56:18.000 How crazy is my man Charlie Sheen?

00:56:20.000 Oh, dude, I love it.

00:56:21.000 The story just keeps getting better.

00:56:23.000 How crazy is my man Charlie Sheen? 0.99

00:56:24.000 If you don't know the story, Charlie Sheen got arrested in a hotel in New York City, coked up, screaming nigger, while a prostitute was locked in his bathroom. 1.00

00:56:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:56:35.000 A porn star prostitute. 1.00

00:56:36.000 A porn star prostitute. 1.00

00:56:37.000 Who wasn't even black. 1.00

00:56:38.000 Porn stars. 0.99

00:56:39.000 Yeah, she wasn't black. 0.99

00:56:40.000 Who wasn't even black. 0.99

00:56:41.000 He just brought the word in. 1.00

00:56:42.000 He wanted to get her to fuck him, but she wouldn't do anything until she got her money, and he couldn't find his money. 1.00

00:56:48.000 This is a story that Radar Online was saying. 0.99

00:56:50.000 Right. 1.00

00:56:51.000 So he fucking starts punching holes in the wall, screaming nigger. 1.00

00:56:55.000 Yeah, I love that. 1.00

00:56:57.000 When I heard that, I was like, it's getting so good now.

00:56:59.000 It's like it couldn't get any better.

00:57:01.000 Yeah, it really can't. 0.99

00:57:02.000 The only way it could get better is if this bitch had her iPhone out. 1.00

00:57:04.000 Please, please release the video. 0.98

00:57:06.000 I'm almost looking at this guy, almost like, he's untouchable.

00:57:10.000 This guy's untouchable. 1.00

00:57:11.000 He's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

00:57:12.000 He's a bad dude. 1.00

00:57:13.000 He's got a raise.

00:57:15.000 There's something going on there, because I don't know if you guys remember, like, six months ago, there was something to do with, like, Mexican gangs and those guys.

00:57:21.000 Yeah, and what guys? 0.92

00:57:22.000 The cast of that show, the two dads and a kid, ugly, nasty kid show. 0.96

00:57:27.000 Somebody was trying to, his ex-wife hired a dude, like Omar from The Wire or something, to go kill him. 0.95

00:57:34.000 There was a hit put out on Charlie Sheen.

00:57:37.000 No, on Ducky.

00:57:38.000 The other guy from the show.

00:57:39.000 The other guy from the show.

00:57:40.000 Dude, that show is straight up gangster.

00:57:43.000 You go see a filming of that.

00:57:44.000 I like how you say straight up gangster and you do it with your hands.

00:57:47.000 You're the least gangster man that ever exists. 0.99

00:57:49.000 You go do a filming of that, there's probably some sketchy shit there, you know? 1.00

00:57:52.000 Like, there's probably, like, crazy gang. 0.99

00:57:54.000 And the worst thing is, the show is awful.

00:57:57.000 I know, it seems That show is horrible. 1.00

00:57:59.000 I don't understand if Mad Men was riddled with shit like that. 0.99

00:58:01.000 I'd be like, that'd be pretty cool. 0.99

00:58:02.000 But it's like, this show is the worst show ever and it gets the best ratings ever.

00:58:06.000 Like, it's the biggest, it's the highest rated show, sitcom.

00:58:10.000 What is the big deal behind this show?

00:58:12.000 What do people like about it?

00:58:13.000 You know, it's the one-liners.

00:58:14.000 It's the quips.

00:58:15.000 It's just, you know, it appeals to families, I guess.

00:58:18.000 I don't know.

00:58:19.000 It's kind of, you know, I watch it because every girl I date for some reason likes that show. 0.99

00:58:25.000 So I have that shit on my DVR. So once in a while, that's one of my go-to-bed shows. 0.99

00:58:29.000 You're dating stupid whores, then. 1.00

00:58:30.000 Yeah, I know. 1.00

00:58:32.000 I am. 0.96

00:58:33.000 But, like, I put it on before I go to bed, so I end up, like, half-watching it, and it's, you know, it's just fucking, it's a sitcom, you know? 0.97

00:58:40.000 It's just, it's a sitcom. 0.87

00:58:41.000 I only watched one part of one episode.

00:58:44.000 I was like, alright, let's see what this is all about. 0.99

00:58:46.000 I gave it, like, 15 seconds to fuck I mean, as a comedian, you just can't. 0.99

00:58:52.000 People don't know how hard it is to go from being a comedian to doing shitty comedy. 1.00

00:58:57.000 Shitty comedy is hard. 0.99

00:58:59.000 Doing a shitty sitcom, shitty sitcoms are a brutality. 0.98

00:59:02.000 They're really hard to do. 1.00

00:59:03.000 They're terrible.

00:59:04.000 You've done sitcoms.

00:59:06.000 What was your show again, Freddie? 0.85

00:59:07.000 Was you on a shitty one, man? 0.98

00:59:08.000 Oh, I was on a shitty one. 0.96

00:59:09.000 Yeah, Frank TV. That wasn't a shitty one, was it?

00:59:12.000 No, it was a decent sketch.

00:59:15.000 It was small, I'll say.

00:59:16.000 It was small.

00:59:17.000 It wasn't like showing up to the set of a major network.

00:59:22.000 It was TBS. But I had fun.

00:59:24.000 It was enjoyable.

00:59:25.000 But news radio, now that's huge.

00:59:26.000 Now what was that like showing up?

00:59:27.000 It wasn't huge.

00:59:28.000 Did that become a huge after?

00:59:29.000 No, it became huge after.

00:59:31.000 While we were on the air, I mean, we got to syndication, barely, but we were supposed to get 100 episodes.

00:59:37.000 We actually only did 98. But what happened with news radio is we just kept getting moved.

00:59:41.000 We got moved nine times over the course of five seasons.

00:59:43.000 Yeah, we got moved like crazy. 0.93

00:59:45.000 And you realize that a lot of what puts a sitcom in certain places, like Paul Sims used to talk about it, there was the shit sandwich movie. 0.59

00:59:52.000 Between Friends and there was something else that was on after Friends.

00:59:56.000 Will and Grace or something.

00:59:57.000 Something else that was good. 0.79

00:59:58.000 And they would always sandwich these shitty shows in those spots before that. 0.65

01:00:02.000 And those shows would be huge. 0.91

01:00:05.000 There was one called The Single Guy.

01:00:08.000 There was this terrible show.

01:00:09.000 A really nice guy.

01:00:10.000 It was the star, Jonathan something or another.

01:00:13.000 Yeah, I remember.

01:00:13.000 Super nice guy.

01:00:14.000 But the show was terrible.

01:00:15.000 It just wasn't good.

01:00:16.000 But meanwhile, it was getting giant monster ratings.

01:00:18.000 Jonathan Silverman?

01:00:19.000 Yes.

01:00:19.000 So people would watch it.

01:00:21.000 And, you know, Sims would bitch and we would get moved around. 1.00

01:00:23.000 And we were on, like, Tuesday and Sunday and Wednesday and Monday. 0.64

01:00:26.000 We just got moved all over the place.

01:00:28.000 And no one even...

01:00:28.000 When the show got canceled, it partially was because Phil Hartman got killed.

01:00:33.000 And so the last season we did with Lovitz.

01:00:35.000 And the season...

01:00:35.000 The last season, for a couple reasons, wasn't as good.

01:00:38.000 It wasn't as good because we had a different executive producer because Paul Sims was working on this other thing called Overseas that I was the star of.

01:00:44.000 It was another sitcom that they were trying to do on NBC. And part of it was because...

01:00:49.000 Phil was gone, and it was a totally different vibe. 0.87

01:00:52.000 So we had John Lovitz, who was very funny, but he was very different, and we had to kind of adjust, and everybody was all fucked up, because just a few months ago, the dude was hanging out with us, and now he's murdered.

01:01:02.000 And we have to do a whole episode where we have to talk about how he died, and then this guy, the Lovitz character, gets introduced.

01:01:11.000 So that was part of the reason why I got canceled.

01:01:13.000 But the other reason was it wasn't that successful.

01:01:15.000 They would come in. 0.70

01:01:16.000 We got moved around so many times.

01:01:17.000 The writers would come in like this guy, Lou Morton, who's hilarious.

01:01:22.000 Very, very funny writer. 0.99

01:01:23.000 This motherfucker got me addicted to Quake. 0.99

01:01:26.000 He was the guy who got me addicted because he was really good at it. 0.99

01:01:28.000 We would battle back and forth at work because they had a whole Quake land, local area network set up there.

01:01:32.000 He used to come in on the day the ratings were released with whatever number we were.

01:01:38.000 It became like a joke.

01:01:39.000 Written on his t-shirt.

01:01:40.000 He came in one day and it said 88.

01:01:42.000 We were 88th.

01:01:45.000 Out of all the shows on TV, we were 88th.

01:01:48.000 Especially in 97, 98th.

01:01:50.000 Were there even that many shows on TV?

01:01:52.000 There were not that many shows.

01:01:53.000 We were like, whoa, 88th.

01:01:55.000 It might have been 84th.

01:01:56.000 It was in the 80s.

01:01:57.000 The thing is, weren't you just glad to show up and be working in Hollywood?

01:02:01.000 For sure.

01:02:02.000 Definitely.

01:02:03.000 Absolutely. 0.97

01:02:03.000 What I'm saying is, people would always bitch. 0.97

01:02:06.000 People on the set would be like, this is fucking bullshit. 1.00

01:02:08.000 Why does Caroline and the City get to be on? 1.00

01:02:11.000 They would call it Caroline and the Shitty.

01:02:13.000 Did you see the new promo for Caroline and the Shitty? 1.00

01:02:15.000 Fucking show is terrible. 1.00

01:02:16.000 There was a lot of that going on. 1.00

01:02:17.000 There was a lot of that going on on the set.

01:02:19.000 But there was also a lot of people that were like, we're doing something really special.

01:02:23.000 This is a lot of fun.

01:02:24.000 Well, as a comedian, too, you already have kind of more of a blue-collar work ethic that we have over actors, I think, a lot of times.

01:02:30.000 Not all actors.

01:02:31.000 I for sure appreciated it more because I never expected it.

01:02:34.000 Right.

01:02:35.000 It's a different thing.

01:02:37.000 Actors, they always grow up wanting to be in sitcoms.

01:02:39.000 Me, I was in a sitcom almost perchance.

01:02:41.000 Oh, wow.

01:02:42.000 The whole thing became...

01:02:43.000 I never took actors.

01:02:44.000 I heard this story about...

01:02:45.000 Did I hear it right that Ray Romano was...

01:02:48.000 He was the original.

01:02:49.000 My character.

01:02:49.000 Couldn't cut it.

01:02:50.000 Yeah, they fired him and hired another actor to do it for the pilot.

01:02:54.000 So then the other actor did it for the pilot, and then they fired him and hired me.

01:02:58.000 Wow.

01:02:58.000 So I didn't really take Ray's part.

01:03:00.000 I took the guy who stole Ray's part.

01:03:01.000 Isn't that something, how stories work out?

01:03:03.000 Like, just that close, it could have been some other...

01:03:06.000 Well, they just decided to go a different way with it.

01:03:08.000 It wasn't that Ray wasn't good.

01:03:10.000 It was like Ray was older and Ray was more relaxed.

01:03:13.000 They were trying to figure out.

01:03:15.000 So the next guy was like the zany guy. 1.00

01:03:17.000 He's like, all right, what have I got over here?

01:03:19.000 And they're like, that didn't work either.

01:03:21.000 And then I just got lucky.

01:03:22.000 I just came in.

01:03:23.000 Had you taken a bunch of acting classes? 0.69

01:03:24.000 No, I'd been on a shitty show, though.

01:03:26.000 I got a development deal with Fox.

01:03:28.000 It was with Disney, actually.

01:03:29.000 And then I was on this show called Hardball.

01:03:31.000 This is how bad the show was.

01:03:32.000 It was a baseball show.

01:03:33.000 It was a sitcom.

01:03:34.000 And it could have been hilarious.

01:03:35.000 Because the guys who originally wrote it, those guys named Jeff Martin and Kevin Curran, they were writers for The Simpsons.

01:03:40.000 And they wrote for Married with Children.

01:03:41.000 They were brilliant.

01:03:42.000 And they wrote a brilliant pilot.

01:03:43.000 The pilot was hilarious.

01:03:44.000 Jim Brewer was in the pilot, too.

01:03:47.000 Yeah, and Mike Starr, you might have seen him, he's in Goodfellas, there's been a bunch of movies, and Bruce Greenwood, and it was a good cast, a good Alexandra Wentworth, but the real problem was with the network, and they didn't want these guys, Jeff and Kevin, to be the producers of the show, because they didn't think they knew how to run a show.

01:04:06.000 So they brought in this other dude, and this other dude just started to Oh my god.

01:04:19.000 who was playing my girlfriend in this first episode he became friends with this chick and would take her on his yacht and they would write and he would do blown fucker and come back with the worst scripts But when they would come back, she would have more lines. 0.93

01:04:34.000 It was great.

01:04:36.000 And finally, we filmed a few episodes with this guy.

01:04:40.000 And he was so hated.

01:04:42.000 The tension on the set was so bad that they decided to fire him.

01:04:46.000 They got rid of him.

01:04:48.000 And they brought in another guy.

01:04:50.000 And the other guy closed it out.

01:04:51.000 But it was only eight episodes.

01:04:52.000 Only seven of them aired.

01:04:53.000 And it was death.

01:04:54.000 And I was done with that. 1.00

01:04:55.000 I was like, fuck acting. 1.00

01:04:56.000 This is terrible acting. 1.00

01:04:58.000 This is the shit you have to deal with? 1.00

01:04:59.000 I was ready to go back to New York. 1.00

01:05:00.000 But I fucked up and got a whole year lease on this apartment. 0.98

01:05:04.000 I couldn't afford. 0.99

01:05:04.000 I was ready to go back. 0.99

01:05:05.000 I was like, I'm done.

01:05:06.000 I'm a comedian, man. 1.00

01:05:07.000 Fuck all this. 1.00

01:05:08.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:05:09.000 I was totally ready to go.

01:05:10.000 And then, all of a sudden, boom, I auditioned for NewsRadio, and I'm on it.

01:05:15.000 I mean, literally like a month later. 0.97

01:05:16.000 I'm on this new show, and I'm fucking working with Phil Hartman. 0.99

01:05:19.000 So I go from never taking an acting class, never even thinking about doing acting, doing stand-up at fucking Jimmy's Comedy Alley in Queens, and then a week later, I'm in Hollywood, and two months later, I'm sitting across the table read from Phil Hartman going, what the fuck? 0.99

01:05:33.000 What the fuck is going on here? 0.99

01:05:35.000 That's some cool shit. 1.00

01:05:36.000 It was bizarre. 0.99

01:05:37.000 It was beyond bizarre.

01:05:38.000 Yeah, it's cool.

01:05:39.000 You've lived multiple lives, it seems like.

01:05:42.000 You're accomplished in multiple arenas where it's like, you did this, done with that, do this, done with that.

01:05:48.000 I think that's the thing about life. 0.99

01:05:50.000 You have to keep just trying new shit. 0.99

01:05:53.000 There's so many things. 0.99

01:05:53.000 A lot of times I'll say, I want to get into this, but my life's over. 0.99

01:05:56.000 I'm 31. I'll be like, why not?

01:05:58.000 Why not get into that?

01:05:59.000 You know how many times I contemplate playing professional pool?

01:06:02.000 I stop and think about how much money would I have to squirrel away for a year to join the pro tour and try to practice 8-10 hours a day and try to make a run at playing pool.

01:06:11.000 And just place.

01:06:11.000 I just want to place in a tournament.

01:06:12.000 You know you got it in you.

01:06:15.000 You get that feeling.

01:06:15.000 It's like when you come and you do something like this in Hollywood or accomplish yourself in a sport.

01:06:19.000 You know, and you become the elite of your company.

01:06:22.000 It's like, you want to do it again.

01:06:23.000 You want to find something that you can...

01:06:24.000 It's like guys who become scratch golfers.

01:06:26.000 Like, I think Justin Timberlake or somebody is almost like a scratch golfer at this point.

01:06:29.000 Like, he's really good.

01:06:31.000 Just kind of obsessed with it.

01:06:32.000 Yeah, I'm like, he kind of should be.

01:06:33.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:06:34.000 He's a bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:06:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:06:35.000 It's Musashi's quote. 1.00

01:06:36.000 Once you understand the way broadly, you can see it in all things.

01:06:40.000 That's one of my favorite quotes.

01:06:41.000 I like that.

01:06:42.000 And it's all about recognizing what it takes to really master something.

01:06:46.000 It really takes to get in tune with what is great about something.

01:06:49.000 The Buddha says, if you want to know how good you're doing at something, look back every ten years.

01:06:53.000 That's another one.

01:06:54.000 That's one I love.

01:06:55.000 But that takes ten years to see your progress.

01:06:57.000 Yeah.

01:06:57.000 Which he always means, stop looking back at your progress and just keep thinking it right now.

01:07:01.000 Goddamn tricky Buddhists. 1.00

01:07:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:07:03.000 Goddamn it. 1.00

01:07:04.000 Was Johnny Appleseed real, or is that just a fictional character? 1.00

01:07:07.000 He's real, and the story is bullshit. 0.99

01:07:09.000 What is the story? 0.99

01:07:10.000 The story is that he sprinkled seeds basically all throughout the western state.

01:07:16.000 When the Louisiana Purchase happened, I think he went and just goes sprinkling seeds.

01:07:23.000 I saw a thing about seeds, and they're like, apples don't grow that way.

01:07:27.000 Certain seeds don't grow in certain regions.

01:07:30.000 The first one dies.

01:07:32.000 There's a real maintenance. 1.00

01:07:34.000 An apple tree is a hard fucking thing. 0.98

01:07:37.000 It's almost like a baby being born. 1.00

01:07:39.000 A lot of shit has to go right. 0.99

01:07:40.000 Really? 0.99

01:07:41.000 You know what I mean?

01:07:41.000 Apple trees are hard to pull off.

01:07:43.000 And they said that him just going around doing that, all it would create is sour grape-sized apples.

01:07:48.000 It just doesn't work that way.

01:07:49.000 You've got to cultivate.

01:07:50.000 You've got to know what you're doing.

01:07:52.000 So do you think he spent time to actually plant them properly, or he just didn't really do it and he was just trying to get attention?

01:07:57.000 I think he set up the one actual little farm for himself, but like I said, the second generation don't give off as good as the first, and you have to stick around and maintain that.

01:08:05.000 They act like he's just sprinkled it along the countryside, wearing a pot on his head.

01:08:10.000 Maybe it was just his song to promote his apple farm that he did.

01:08:13.000 I think the legend is up there with Paul Bunyan, pretty much.

01:08:19.000 Watch Shelly Appleseed as great-great-grandmother. 1.00

01:08:21.000 You motherfucker! 1.00

01:08:22.000 Do you think that you would just get used to living like people lived back in those days? 1.00

01:08:28.000 Do people just get used to it?

01:08:31.000 Or do you think it was like, life sucked back then?

01:08:34.000 Like, did they know it? 1.00

01:08:35.000 Were they like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:08:36.000 Life is too fucking hard. 1.00

01:08:38.000 I think so. 0.99

01:08:38.000 I think with those pioneers and the people who came out to settle the West, it's like big balls. 0.99

01:08:42.000 I give them big credit for that.

01:08:44.000 They came down to the soil in North Dakota. 1.00

01:08:48.000 You can't get through that shit. 1.00

01:08:50.000 Good luck farming that. 1.00

01:08:51.000 Imagine they got through that shit with horses. 0.99

01:08:54.000 The number of people coming out were just dying in droves, but once they finally tackled it and got it going, those are the ones who obviously survived and later thrived. 1.00

01:09:04.000 I wouldn't want to try that shit. 1.00

01:09:06.000 Crazy life. 0.99

01:09:08.000 uh national geographic or something was a reality show but it was like it was basically a survivor but no prize to be won they just threw you out here you gotta survive in alaska so i watched that i watched the whole thing it was fucking great dude and it really talks about like dudes were getting hungry like in the first six hours like i can't do this shit then when like even a real big like this cop dude like he couldn't hack it after a while but ladies were able to hack it it was just they were killing squirrels with their bare hands to eat yeah and And they quickly adapted to that, wouldn't you say? 0.87

01:09:36.000 Like after the first week, all civility goes out the window.

01:09:39.000 No more table manners.

01:09:40.000 I watched one of the first episodes only, but they couldn't find anything to kill.

01:09:44.000 They killed a squirrel and it fell in a hole.

01:09:45.000 They shot it and it fell in a hole and they couldn't get to it.

01:09:47.000 Yeah, they couldn't get to it and they were just starving.

01:09:49.000 They had no food.

01:09:50.000 There was nothing.

01:09:51.000 Delirious. 1.00

01:09:51.000 You have to start training your body in this sick way to just take one morsel of something and maximize your shit. 1.00

01:09:58.000 They'd get a kill finally and they'd make a stew because a stew will go further and you can transport a stew. 0.99

01:10:03.000 Because that's the thing too.

01:10:04.000 You've got to bring your food with you if you kill something.

01:10:07.000 They ate a porcupine.

01:10:09.000 It was the most disgusting looking thing when they field dress this thing. 0.64

01:10:12.000 Things spilled out of there I'd never seen in my life.

01:10:16.000 Porcupine.

01:10:17.000 What's the show called again?

01:10:18.000 I don't remember.

01:10:19.000 It was something about Alaska.

01:10:21.000 I think I got it saved.

01:10:23.000 Yeah, it was good.

01:10:24.000 I watched the whole thing.

01:10:25.000 It was pretty damn good.

01:10:26.000 In the end, they were emaciated looking.

01:10:29.000 They looked horrible.

01:10:30.000 Yeah, there's a guy we've talked about on the show.

01:10:32.000 Do you ever go to that website, vbs.tv?

01:10:35.000 There's the Vice Guide to Travel.

01:10:37.000 There's a whole series they do online.

01:10:39.000 It's great, great stuff.

01:10:41.000 And one of them, they went to this guy...

01:10:43.000 I think his name is Heinmo.

01:10:44.000 It's a strange name, but this guy lives in, like, northeastern Alaska.

01:10:50.000 He lives in, like, this area where only a few people have permission to still live up there, and he lives in this one-room cabin, and he's been up there for 30 years.

01:10:59.000 This guy literally never saw the towers fall, and he can speak good English.

01:11:03.000 He's a very intelligent guy.

01:11:04.000 Yeah.

01:11:04.000 And he lives his life just hunting and gathering, just following caribou around, shooting them.

01:11:09.000 He has a couple cabins that he walks to.

01:11:10.000 He has no car.

01:11:11.000 He does everything on foot.

01:11:13.000 He gets supplies dropped.

01:11:14.000 He was going to ask.

01:11:15.000 Yeah.

01:11:15.000 He gets, like, bullets, and I guess he must get some vegetables.

01:11:19.000 I don't know what happens there.

01:11:21.000 I don't know if he gets canned vegetables, but he's not eating any vegetables on the show.

01:11:25.000 All he's eating is caribou that he kills and fish that he catches.

01:11:29.000 And that's what he does every day.

01:11:31.000 Every day he's following caribou around, shooting them, but he's a very bright Is that a fire alarm?

01:11:46.000 Fire alarm?

01:11:48.000 I don't know what that is, man.

01:11:51.000 Oh, it's a water thing.

01:11:53.000 That was crazy.

01:11:54.000 That was a pipe. 1.00

01:11:55.000 What the fuck kind of show is this? 1.00

01:11:59.000 That's how ghetto this show is. 1.00

01:12:01.000 My pipes are making crazy noises.

01:12:03.000 You know what that is?

01:12:04.000 That's the in-house vacuum cleaner. 0.98

01:12:06.000 It's been fucking up lately. 0.88

01:12:07.000 He has these vacuum cleaners where the whole walls are back. 0.95

01:12:11.000 I've heard a tale of those before.

01:12:13.000 It was cool to actually see one. 1.00

01:12:15.000 This house is the shit, by the way. 1.00

01:12:17.000 Thanks, man. 1.00

01:12:17.000 It's cool. 1.00

01:12:18.000 Thank God you got that audition that time, huh?

01:12:22.000 It all worked out.

01:12:24.000 The reason why I was willing to do something like Fear Factor was after doing a bad sitcom and then entertaining the idea of doing another bad sitcom after News Radio.

01:12:32.000 I was like, I'd rather do something that's not funny at all.

01:12:35.000 I'd rather do...

01:12:37.000 What else can I do to get paid?

01:12:38.000 I can do this, and you'll pay me?

01:12:40.000 Let's do this.

01:12:41.000 I can do that, too.

01:12:42.000 As a comic, I don't watch comedy.

01:12:44.000 I can't stand it.

01:12:45.000 It won't make me laugh.

01:12:46.000 I like drama, and I like sci-fi.

01:12:47.000 Movies are good.

01:12:47.000 I like the hangover.

01:12:48.000 The hangover was hilarious.

01:12:49.000 Movies are always good.

01:12:50.000 They don't screw you over.

01:12:52.000 They're not trying to fit in a laugh every minute and ten seconds.

01:12:55.000 Right, right.

01:12:55.000 They're trying to make a good story.

01:12:56.000 They can do a good story, and I like Galifianakis a lot.

01:12:59.000 I think he's...

01:13:00.000 Have you seen the new one?

01:13:01.000 No.

01:13:01.000 Is it good?

01:13:02.000 I heard Brody's awesome in it.

01:13:03.000 Brody, that's so great that Brody's in it.

01:13:05.000 Is it out?

01:13:05.000 Is Doodate out?

01:13:06.000 Yeah, Doodate out.

01:13:06.000 Steve Brenner's easy saw it and said it was really good.

01:13:08.000 Look, you can't go wrong with Galifianakis.

01:13:10.000 He's just funny.

01:13:11.000 He's going to make a real mark like a Bill Murray, I think.

01:13:14.000 He's huge.

01:13:15.000 He's already like that.

01:13:16.000 The way people love him, he's already like that.

01:13:18.000 What about the whole stink, though?

01:13:19.000 I mean, Bill Murray obviously is a legend, but Galifianakis is when Bill Murray was coming up and he was in that vibe.

01:13:25.000 You remember Stripes?

01:13:27.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:13:27.000 Dude, when Stripes was coming out, man, Bill Murray, anything he could say was funny.

01:13:30.000 He just would watch him.

01:13:32.000 Galifianakis is like...

01:13:33.000 He's getting there.

01:13:34.000 I never watched stand-up comedy.

01:13:36.000 One night I was watching Netflix.

01:13:38.000 I was like, I'll check him out at the Purple Onion.

01:13:39.000 I was genuinely laughing my ass off.

01:13:42.000 He's very funny.

01:13:43.000 As a performer, it's a very precise, crafted thing that he does, and he's really good at it.

01:13:49.000 To the point where I can respect it and be like, oh, wow.

01:13:51.000 Because as a comedian, it's like a magician.

01:13:53.000 It's like, oh, I know how he did it.

01:13:54.000 Oh, I see that.

01:13:54.000 That's great.

01:13:55.000 Good job.

01:13:55.000 But I was literally laughing.

01:13:57.000 Who makes you laugh the most?

01:13:59.000 Besides me.

01:14:00.000 Guys like you, Brody, obviously your friends.

01:14:02.000 I still laugh.

01:14:05.000 Brody, he's probably the biggest unspoken treasure.

01:14:09.000 Brody probably.

01:14:10.000 He just gets to all of us.

01:14:11.000 And the thing about Brody is you have to see him live.

01:14:13.000 I think you and I talked about this.

01:14:14.000 You have to see him in person to get the joke.

01:14:16.000 Because people who just see him online, there's something missing in the two-dimensional world. 0.72

01:14:20.000 You have to see and feel and know the mannerisms and see that this is a character, but goddammit, is this character...

01:14:27.000 Always, you know, being attended to.

01:14:29.000 It's like...

01:14:30.000 Okay, hold on.

01:14:30.000 I'm gonna put a stop to that.

01:14:32.000 No, stop time at all.

01:14:33.000 He makes me laugh.

01:14:35.000 Bill Burr makes me laugh a lot.

01:14:36.000 Bill Burr is hilarious.

01:14:38.000 He's always writing, too.

01:14:39.000 I've heard his mention that he's one of the best right now.

01:14:43.000 People are starting to say that.

01:14:44.000 It's like you get so knee-deep in it.

01:14:46.000 Caparulo is my best friend.

01:14:47.000 I forget he's famous now.

01:14:49.000 It's weird.

01:14:50.000 It's like we go places.

01:14:51.000 He gets mobbed.

01:14:53.000 Is that from the Chelsea Handler show?

01:14:54.000 Yeah, big time.

01:14:55.000 That seemed to just put him through the roof.

01:14:57.000 Now he's doing great on the road.

01:14:59.000 He's happy.

01:14:59.000 He just got engaged the other day.

01:15:01.000 Oh, that should work out well.

01:15:02.000 Yeah, in Hermosa Beach.

01:15:03.000 She got engaged.

01:15:05.000 Is she going to let them play Xbox?

01:15:07.000 Yeah.

01:15:08.000 Hey, come over here.

01:15:10.000 We'll still play Madden, I'm sure, but we'll play online.

01:15:12.000 But it's like, you know, things make me laugh that sometimes it's not even a person or a comedian.

01:15:18.000 It's a dog.

01:15:19.000 Dogs make me laugh.

01:15:20.000 Right, but I mean like with stand-ups.

01:15:23.000 Do you like Patton Oswalt?

01:15:24.000 I do off and on.

01:15:27.000 You do off and on?

01:15:28.000 He's one of my favorites, man.

01:15:30.000 The Comedians of Comedy Tour, you know, I like that a lot.

01:15:33.000 I like, because Galifianakis did some work on that one, and then, who are the other nerds?

01:15:39.000 Brian Pesain.

01:15:40.000 Yeah.

01:15:40.000 He's great.

01:15:41.000 I like Patton Oz.

01:15:42.000 What I do, because he appeals to comedians, is that sometimes he's just a little too...

01:15:47.000 I think he's comfortable.

01:15:49.000 He's very smart.

01:15:51.000 He did this bit. 0.99

01:15:53.000 He did this bit that I fucking... 0.97

01:15:56.000 One of those, I wish I thought of that, because I've often thought about it, but I never thought it was funny, about how all those stores on Melrose and stuff, you're like, how do these places pay for the rent? 0.97

01:16:06.000 They're selling candles.

01:16:08.000 His rent's probably like $3,000. 0.99

01:16:10.000 This whole bit on that, fucking brilliant. 0.98

01:16:12.000 He just... 0.97

01:16:13.000 I think that was one he just made up that night.

01:16:16.000 He's a writer.

01:16:17.000 He's a real good writer.

01:16:18.000 You see the kid who ripped him off and was doing his jokes?

01:16:20.000 That was hilarious.

01:16:22.000 Well, two kids ripped him off.

01:16:23.000 One kid ripped him off during a commencement speech or some sort of a graduation speech.

01:16:28.000 How can you do that? 1.00

01:16:29.000 He fucked up. 0.99

01:16:30.000 And it was one that's online, man. 1.00

01:16:32.000 It's like a fucking... 0.99

01:16:33.000 Especially now, see, that's what the internet is doing. 1.00

01:16:35.000 It's eradicating liars.

01:16:37.000 It's getting rid of liars. 0.91

01:16:38.000 At least there's a major reference point here.

01:16:40.000 It's like, you know, because remember, like, when you were a kid, you know, there'd be a kid in your fifth grade, my dad plays for the Raiders.

01:16:44.000 It's like, I'm pretty sure he doesn't, but I can't really prove that wrong.

01:16:47.000 But it's like, now, you can prove the person wrong on the spot. 0.99

01:16:51.000 There's some crazy liars out there, man. 0.95

01:16:52.000 I remember one time I was at this club in Florida, and this guy goes, yeah, my boy's on the phone. 0.97

01:16:56.000 My boy fought Chuck Liddell before I beat him back in 99. And You know, it's like 99 or whatever the fuck the date was. 0.97

01:17:02.000 So I get on the phone with this guy. 0.93

01:17:03.000 I go, what's up? 1.00

01:17:04.000 He goes, yeah, yeah, fuck Chuck Liddell, fuck Chuck Liddell. 1.00

01:17:08.000 I go, what happened? 1.00

01:17:09.000 I stopped him.

01:17:09.000 I go, what year was this?

01:17:11.000 He tells me the year.

01:17:12.000 I go, that didn't happen.

01:17:13.000 I go, the only people Chuck's lost to at the time was Jeremy Horn, and he had just lost to Randy.

01:17:19.000 I'm like, there's the only people he's lost to.

01:17:20.000 What are you talking about, man?

01:17:22.000 No, man.

01:17:24.000 This guy just made something up.

01:17:25.000 Just made some crazy story up about fighting Chuck Liddell.

01:17:29.000 It was like totally artificial.

01:17:30.000 He just made it up.

01:17:31.000 Don't you think they document something that important, you know?

01:17:34.000 Yeah, it's just like how people come up to you and they're always like saying, dude, my friend used to hang out with you.

01:17:39.000 There's just these stories that people tell people to get like...

01:17:42.000 I was partying with him in Vegas.

01:17:44.000 When you came back to the room, it was hilarious.

01:17:46.000 I found out...

01:17:47.000 It's a lot of great jokes. 1.00

01:17:48.000 I found out exactly what this shit tastes like. 1.00

01:17:49.000 The C2O water. 1.00

01:17:52.000 Drink it and think of cereal milk.

01:17:54.000 Cereal milk.

01:17:55.000 After Gordon Graham's.

01:17:56.000 It tastes like that.

01:17:57.000 It's delicious.

01:17:58.000 It's healthy for you too.

01:17:59.000 It's all real pure coconut water.

01:18:01.000 Yeah, it's delicious.

01:18:01.000 Right out of coconut water.

01:18:02.000 Good shit. 1.00

01:18:03.000 Where do you get that at? 1.00

01:18:04.000 Online.

01:18:04.000 Who's your dealer?

01:18:05.000 Sketchy website.

01:18:05.000 Some dude got it in LA, but I don't know what store he got it from.

01:18:08.000 He brought it to jiu-jitsu and he was handing them out.

01:18:10.000 They actually sell them at nutrition stores and I just found out.

01:18:13.000 Do they?

01:18:13.000 Yeah, it's like Pretty good.

01:18:15.000 Two dollars a bottle.

01:18:15.000 We should be getting a cut from this.

01:18:16.000 I know.

01:18:17.000 We should be a sponsor. 1.00

01:18:19.000 Bullshit. 1.00

01:18:19.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00

01:18:20.000 You gotta get them. 0.97

01:18:20.000 You gotta get free shit out of this. 0.97

01:18:21.000 Plus light and coconut water. 0.98

01:18:23.000 So, you know, I just realized talking to you about impressions that, you know, I don't, I've never practiced any of the impressions that I've done.

01:18:29.000 I just do them.

01:18:30.000 Like with Joey Diaz or something like that.

01:18:31.000 I just know I can do it and I just do it.

01:18:33.000 Yeah.

01:18:33.000 Are you that way too?

01:18:34.000 Like you hear someone talk?

01:18:35.000 Yeah, I think it's like you've got to get out of your own way.

01:18:38.000 You just let it filter in and come out of you.

01:18:41.000 You'll hear it. 0.99

01:18:43.000 If you try to scrutinize it, you'll really start to fuck it up. 0.97

01:18:46.000 How do you practice it? 0.88

01:18:48.000 I'll listen to them on headphones, and if I don't hear my voice anymore, that means I've matched it.

01:18:53.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:18:54.000 It means I've matched it.

01:18:56.000 Like the Morgan Freeman I started working on in 8th grade.

01:18:58.000 Let me hear that.

01:18:59.000 Hold on, Joe Rogan.

01:19:01.000 Let me get to that.

01:19:02.000 Let's see here.

01:19:03.000 There's a fella named Morgan Freeman.

01:19:05.000 And I started working on the impression when I was in the 8th grade.

01:19:08.000 Yes, sir.

01:19:09.000 I was about 14 years old. 0.94

01:19:11.000 Jerked off 7 times a day.

01:19:12.000 Dude, that is creepy. 0.78

01:19:14.000 And it took me forever.

01:19:15.000 And what happened...

01:19:16.000 That's creepy.

01:19:16.000 And the way I finally perfected it when I was like 22, I saw Ben Affleck on...

01:19:22.000 Dave Letterman.

01:19:22.000 And he was doing a Morgan Freeman impression.

01:19:24.000 But it was horrible.

01:19:25.000 But he was doing one thing I wasn't doing right.

01:19:27.000 It's that mm-hmm thing.

01:19:28.000 It's on here.

01:19:29.000 He was adding that, but everything else was wrong.

01:19:31.000 And I married the two.

01:19:32.000 And I was talking like Morgan Freeman all day.

01:19:34.000 I was calling restaurants.

01:19:35.000 Be like, I'd like to get a table for two, please.

01:19:37.000 Interesting.

01:19:38.000 And they're like, okay, Mr. Freeman, I was testing it out, and I was like, oh my god, this is amazing.

01:19:42.000 So when I nail one, I've been working on a Tom Hanks for years, and I still can't get it.

01:19:46.000 There's something, but he's one of those, like Ice-T, like Morgan Freeman, everybody knows who he is, but nobody does him.

01:19:53.000 And somewhere in here, I found that I can go back and forth with it, but it's...

01:19:58.000 You're missing a little, yeah, you get it.

01:20:00.000 I'm game show host-y with it right now, but it's like, there's World War II Tom Hanks, who's very solemn and talks about World War II. But then there's, you know, I'm on Conan O'Brien.

01:20:09.000 It's almost like the shape of your head is wrong.

01:20:11.000 You can't make that noise.

01:20:13.000 No, I think that is.

01:20:14.000 I think that has a lot to do with impressions.

01:20:15.000 There's certain impressions that I can do that other people can't do.

01:20:18.000 I think it's the shape of my face.

01:20:19.000 There's ways to manipulate your throat.

01:20:22.000 I mean, I can tell...

01:20:23.000 You can talk like that.

01:20:26.000 Definitely.

01:20:26.000 You know, you can contort your mouth like Biggie Smalls.

01:20:29.000 I started working on that impression one time, too. 0.92

01:20:31.000 And I found out I could sound like a fat guy.

01:20:35.000 But it's like you can contort your mouth.

01:20:37.000 Can you do Ralphie Mae?

01:20:39.000 He's a little high-pitched.

01:20:40.000 Hey, man!

01:20:41.000 I got something!

01:20:41.000 Joe Rogan!

01:20:43.000 Joe Rogan!

01:20:45.000 I went to this market.

01:20:46.000 Joe Rogan!

01:20:47.000 Much love, Ralphie, if you're listening.

01:20:48.000 You know we love you.

01:20:50.000 He's like Cartman almost.

01:20:52.000 Ralphie smokes more weed than any of us.

01:20:54.000 Oh, dude, did you hear the story about him getting caught up there?

01:20:56.000 That was so brilliant.

01:20:57.000 He's like, man, I went down to pet the dog.

01:20:59.000 My man is bringing weed across the world.

01:21:02.000 Yeah, that's great.

01:21:03.000 That's risky.

01:21:04.000 Don't you know anybody there?

01:21:06.000 I would much rather try to find a connect.

01:21:08.000 You can find a connect, man.

01:21:10.000 Trust me.

01:21:10.000 Especially in Guam.

01:21:11.000 You're going to be okay, dude. 1.00

01:21:12.000 They're growing that shit like crazy out there. 1.00

01:21:14.000 Big time. 1.00

01:21:14.000 And it probably goes well. 1.00

01:21:15.000 Yeah.

01:21:15.000 It's a cash crop, son.

01:21:17.000 Get it.

01:21:18.000 Number one cash crop in Hawaii.

01:21:19.000 And they're trying to eradicate it all the time.

01:21:21.000 Today, by the way, Proposition 19. Today, it all goes down.

01:21:24.000 How's it looking?

01:21:24.000 Has anyone been checking?

01:21:26.000 The score?

01:21:27.000 What's this latest news?

01:21:29.000 It's 52 to 7. If it loses, it will mark how oppressed we truly are.

01:21:34.000 I don't think it's going to pass.

01:21:36.000 I don't think for a second it's going to pass.

01:21:38.000 Really? 0.96

01:21:38.000 I think it's going to be like the gay vote. 0.96

01:21:39.000 We all thought that was going to pass.

01:21:40.000 You know, and I'm just basing it on, there hasn't even been advertising.

01:21:43.000 There's not been some big push for it.

01:21:45.000 It seems like it's definitely, you know, and then there's a lot of people against it.

01:21:48.000 A lot of the growers, obviously, because who benefits during prohibition?

01:21:51.000 That's the problem.

01:21:52.000 The growers, a lot of the medical people are against it.

01:21:54.000 I don't know man.

01:21:56.000 I think it's evolution.

01:21:58.000 I understand their position.

01:21:59.000 I feel bad for doctors that have been prescribing weed If it becomes legal then all sudden hey, where's my business?

01:22:04.000 I'm making all my money sticking my neck out there prescribing weed I gotta go back to giving kids band-aids what the fuck yeah, you know, it's tough Maybe it'll lower the cost of health care because they all have to go be doctors again And there's more doctors.

01:22:17.000 How does that benefit that doctor just lost a job, Brian? 0.99

01:22:19.000 This is illogical.

01:22:19.000 Yeah.

01:22:20.000 I think they just need to figure out another way to become a part of the system.

01:22:23.000 They're selling it, man. 1.00

01:22:24.000 Open up a fucking dispensary. 1.00

01:22:26.000 And you know what's funny? 1.00

01:22:27.000 On the other side, cops, obviously, they want it to be legal so they don't have to deal with this.

01:22:32.000 Everybody knows it should be.

01:22:33.000 It's just political suicide. 1.00

01:22:35.000 Cops don't give a fuck about potheads. 1.00

01:22:36.000 They know potheads are harmless. 1.00

01:22:38.000 They're worried about meth heads and fucking junkies and drunks. 1.00

01:22:42.000 That's who cops are worried about. 1.00

01:22:43.000 They're worried about violent people.

01:22:44.000 It just takes somebody to actually do something, and I don't think anybody did, and nobody's going to commit political suicide this year and come out.

01:22:50.000 That's what we need.

01:22:51.000 It was somebody huge, the president, somebody to say, but I understand why they can't.

01:22:55.000 They just can't.

01:22:55.000 I don't know what happens when you get in office, but clearly someone sits you down and adjusts your agenda.

01:23:00.000 Obama, before he was in office, you know, yes, I inhaled.

01:23:03.000 Well, you could say it, because it was the point.

01:23:05.000 You're doing Obama.

01:23:06.000 Sure.

01:23:06.000 Well, it's time for weed.

01:23:08.000 I take pauses between every word I say so the stupid people can understand me. 1.00

01:23:16.000 Now, did you smell hot in college, sir? 1.00

01:23:19.000 I did.

01:23:20.000 Did you inhale?

01:23:21.000 I took bong rips out of a homemade bong and I blew them into everybody on the floor's mouth.

01:23:28.000 We got high.

01:23:30.000 He talked about it openly when he was campaigning.

01:23:34.000 There is something.

01:23:35.000 They set you down.

01:23:36.000 It's like the men in black thing.

01:23:37.000 Something happens.

01:23:39.000 It's a head.

01:23:41.000 It's a figure.

01:23:43.000 I know, but who is pulling the strings then?

01:23:46.000 Is there a one person?

01:23:48.000 Is there a committee?

01:23:49.000 Is there a society?

01:23:50.000 It's like, yeah, man, if you just read about the Illuminati and listened to Alex Jones, you would know.

01:23:56.000 There's got to be a one trackable dude.

01:24:00.000 It's got to come down.

01:24:01.000 It's got to be wealth.

01:24:01.000 Or group.

01:24:02.000 It's definitely wealth.

01:24:03.000 Right.

01:24:03.000 It's international bankers, right?

01:24:05.000 Yeah, it's got to be international.

01:24:06.000 Because back in America, it's found in Carnegie's and all of them.

01:24:08.000 They'd get together and be like, it's our country.

01:24:10.000 Dude, I'm reading this Max Taibbi article that's in Rolling Stone. 0.99

01:24:14.000 God damn it. 1.00

01:24:15.000 Damn it. 1.00

01:24:15.000 Hold on. 1.00

01:24:16.000 I'm going to stop that shit. 1.00

01:24:17.000 I'll be right back. 1.00

01:24:18.000 You guys talk amongst yourself.

01:24:18.000 All right.

01:24:20.000 Let's not blow everyone's ears.

01:24:21.000 Talk amongst yourself.

01:24:23.000 Hey, so...

01:24:25.000 It went away.

01:24:27.000 Cool.

01:24:28.000 Let's turn this back on now.

01:24:30.000 So, yeah...

01:24:33.000 I'm getting hungry, dude.

01:24:34.000 Dude, I'm hungry.

01:24:35.000 This coconut water is delicious.

01:24:37.000 Yeah.

01:24:38.000 You actually believe in crazy dream stuff.

01:24:42.000 Yeah.

01:24:42.000 We have talked about this before where he sat me down and was telling his theories.

01:24:46.000 He reads all these books on...

01:24:47.000 What kind of dreaming is that called again?

01:24:49.000 Lucid dreaming.

01:24:50.000 Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen.

01:24:51.000 I think I have a problem with my in-house vacuum cleaner unit.

01:24:56.000 It's screaming.

01:24:57.000 It's letting me know it's dying.

01:24:59.000 What were we talking about before I took off?

01:25:00.000 Because it was interesting.

01:25:04.000 The people who run the country.

01:25:05.000 Who runs the country? 0.99

01:25:06.000 So who the fuck do you think runs it? 0.99

01:25:07.000 It's not the voters. 0.99

01:25:08.000 What do you think happens when you get into office?

01:25:10.000 Do you think they actually, Bill Hicks style, sit you down and show you an angle of the Kennedy assassination that no one's ever seen before?

01:25:17.000 Sit in a room with that.

01:25:18.000 What did he say?

01:25:19.000 A bunch of smoky industrialists?

01:25:21.000 Any questions?

01:25:23.000 Yeah, well, what's my agenda?

01:25:24.000 Doesn't it seem like there kind of is, though?

01:25:26.000 It's like, think about the skull and bones that yell, like these real, real upper echelon kind of societies that you can never belong to, and you're privy to information that nobody...

01:25:34.000 That's the most likely scenario, that it's these elite colleges, and they keep this group of people in power.

01:25:40.000 Right.

01:25:40.000 And if you talk about people that have been in the skull and bones from college, I mean, it was John Kerry, it was Bush, there's been a bunch of different people.

01:25:47.000 They're groomed for this from the get-go.

01:25:50.000 And it's like, you know, Obama not necessarily, really wasn't, but was.

01:25:54.000 If you were going to Harvard, it's not out of the question to become president.

01:25:57.000 There's a 7% acceptance rate there.

01:25:59.000 I think everybody who becomes president always wanted to be president.

01:26:01.000 Absolutely.

01:26:02.000 It didn't just occur to you someday.

01:26:04.000 It's the ultimate political rock star.

01:26:05.000 That's what it is.

01:26:06.000 Even John Kerry was doing that.

01:26:07.000 That's why he went to Vietnam.

01:26:08.000 I mean, at least he went, but that's why he went.

01:26:10.000 He went so he could be president.

01:26:11.000 So I could be a hero and get pictures taken. 1.00

01:26:13.000 God damn! 1.00

01:26:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:26:15.000 How ruthless is that?

01:26:16.000 You're willing to go to war so you can say, I am a veteran.

01:26:19.000 I fought for my country.

01:26:20.000 Right.

01:26:20.000 He didn't need to go.

01:26:23.000 You know what I mean?

01:26:24.000 Wow.

01:26:25.000 Yeah, he was definitely in college at the time.

01:26:27.000 And then these dudes like Bush are like, oh, my back hurts.

01:26:29.000 I think that's smart, man.

01:26:31.000 As I've gotten older, my opinion of Bush has changed over and over.

01:26:35.000 It keeps changing. 1.00

01:26:36.000 I used to think that Bush was this fucking monster and this ignorant piece of shit that's thrust into this scenario to kind of lower our standards and make everybody think that mediocre is good and you can invent words and... 1.00

01:26:50.000 It's okay to talk about God. 1.00

01:26:51.000 Right.

01:26:51.000 And then I realized that this is just a dude with a job.

01:26:54.000 You know, I... When you see the relationship with Dick Cheney and him?

01:26:58.000 I don't think...

01:26:59.000 Number one, I think he's probably one of the most fun of all presidents you can hang out with.

01:27:03.000 Dude, you know when my opinion of him changed?

01:27:05.000 When that guy threw his shoes at him in Iraq.

01:27:07.000 Yeah.

01:27:08.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:27:08.000 That's when I started looking at him.

01:27:10.000 When he ducked his shoe and smiled, and he ducked his shoe and smiled again, I'm like, this ain't no ruthless murderer. 0.99

01:27:15.000 This is some fucking dude who's just got a job. 0.99

01:27:17.000 And I never thought that of him. 1.00

01:27:18.000 And the same thing that bothers me when people shit on Obama for saying, like, oh, he reads a teleprompter. 0.60

01:27:22.000 You know how many speeches he gives a day? 0.97

01:27:24.000 A lot. 1.00

01:27:24.000 Yeah, that is the dumbest thing. 1.00

01:27:25.000 That's so asinine. 1.00

01:27:26.000 Oh, he's got notes. 1.00

01:27:27.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:27:27.000 He's prepared? 1.00

01:27:28.000 You're upset that he's prepared?

01:27:29.000 He wants to do a good job? 1.00

01:27:30.000 Yeah, and it's the same thing when people say that George W. Bush is dumb. 1.00

01:27:33.000 I can promise you this. 1.00

01:27:34.000 He would bury me in a political debate.

01:27:36.000 No, he wouldn't.

01:27:38.000 Maybe not about policy.

01:27:40.000 No, but not about anything.

01:27:41.000 Stop it.

01:27:41.000 You're a hundred times smarter than that guy.

01:27:43.000 Really?

01:27:44.000 Yes, for sure.

01:27:44.000 That guy was brought in to represent the common folk the same way they enabled the conservatives to really gain control of this country by embracing the Christian right.

01:27:54.000 When the Reagan administration came in line...

01:27:56.000 That was the first time when they really went out of their way to embrace religion.

01:28:00.000 Go for the Christians, get the really zealot Christian vibe. 1.00

01:28:04.000 Nixon was no religious guy.

01:28:05.000 They never did that before.

01:28:06.000 They were very corporate. 0.99

01:28:07.000 But they realized, like, shit, the Moonies are doing this. 1.00

01:28:09.000 All these other motherfuckers are doing this. 1.00

01:28:11.000 They're making millions of dollars from these morons. 1.00

01:28:13.000 Let's just tap into this shit, and we'll use this. 1.00

01:28:15.000 This is going to be a big part of our platform. 1.00

01:28:17.000 This will separate us from everybody else, make us more righteous.

01:28:19.000 It's amazing, especially with Reagan.

01:28:21.000 The conservatives always talk about, too.

01:28:23.000 It's like, oh, Hollywood liberals and their actors and all that.

01:28:25.000 The ones they champion the most are actors.

01:28:27.000 Ronald Reagan, Fred Thompson.

01:28:29.000 It's so crazy that you would allow a guy who's an expert at lying and pretending to be the guy who's supposed to tell you the truth.

01:28:36.000 And a divorcee, too.

01:28:37.000 That's a chicken being guarded by wolves. 0.99

01:28:40.000 That's the most ridiculous thing ever. 0.98

01:28:42.000 You're getting a guy who's the best faker ever, and he's the one who's going to deliver the truth. 0.99

01:28:47.000 What?

01:28:47.000 I shot a thing recently at the Republican headquarters here and it was amazing to be in there and it's all pictures of Ronald Reagan as far as the eyes can see.

01:28:55.000 Which is understandable, but I'm just like, don't you guys remember Bush 41 and Bush 43?

01:28:59.000 They both were presidents too.

01:29:00.000 No pictures at all?

01:29:01.000 They're like, no.

01:29:02.000 Brian, go on YouTube and find Ronald Reagan's speech where he talks about aliens.

01:29:08.000 Okay.

01:29:09.000 Have you ever been to that speech?

01:29:10.000 That is one of the trippiest speeches a president has ever given to people.

01:29:18.000 Talking about the intergalactic...

01:29:19.000 He talked about how quickly we would abandon all of our troubles with each other if we were being attacked by aliens from another planet.

01:29:27.000 Oh, wow. 1.00

01:29:28.000 The fucking president was talking about this! 1.00

01:29:31.000 Jesus. 1.00

01:29:31.000 I mean, he was making a point, clearly, that, you know, we would be united as one country, as one group. 1.00

01:29:37.000 You think we would?

01:29:37.000 For sure we would.

01:29:38.000 Or you think we'd go after each other?

01:29:39.000 No, we would not.

01:29:40.000 We would not. 0.92

01:29:41.000 If there was aliens, the only problem is if the aliens got to, like, you know, some douchebags, I don't want to mention any names, in some douchebag countries, I'm like, listen, just come with us, we'll give you fucking flying saucers, just sell out these other cunts, you know, and then they would go over and say, listen, we've made peace with the aliens, the aliens are friends, we just Come over here, we'll show you where they are. 0.98

01:29:59.000 And boom, you're in a cage. 0.95

01:30:01.000 They're definitely hostile if they're coming.

01:30:03.000 Maybe.

01:30:03.000 Well, we are.

01:30:05.000 We're hostile.

01:30:05.000 We're hostile to everything.

01:30:07.000 And like we talked about the East Coast and the West Coast and survival of the fittest and just the massive change that's happened in this country. 1.00

01:30:13.000 It's all been because of negative shit. 0.99

01:30:15.000 All this massive change, a lot of it is because of negativity. 0.99

01:30:18.000 I feel like something in our lifetime is going to happen.

01:30:21.000 Bigfoot's going to get found.

01:30:22.000 Like, something cool like that.

01:30:24.000 I hope so, right?

01:30:25.000 Some legend is going to get dispelled.

01:30:27.000 Or some legend is going to get proven true.

01:30:28.000 Well, you know, there's the craziest theory about your life is that your life, really what it actually is, is as the world gets crazier and as more chaos ensues and you worry about extinction, you worry about some sort of a cataclysmic disaster that wipes out the rays, what you're really realizing is that you're dying.

01:30:47.000 Yeah.

01:30:48.000 And that your own world, this universe that you have created is slowly starting to fall apart at the seams because your life is starting to end.

01:30:56.000 And this whole life of history and space It's all an illusion.

01:31:01.000 And it's all something that's been created by your imagination.

01:31:04.000 And as it plays out, as it becomes more and more ridiculous and catastrophic, and as it ends, that's as your life ends. 0.95

01:31:12.000 Wow.

01:31:12.000 That's an interesting point, to think of it that way.

01:31:15.000 It's just as possible as you are one being, and there's a billion other beings, and they're all in this one rock, and they're all in this one galaxy.

01:31:24.000 I mean, that's crazy in and of itself.

01:31:27.000 It's all crazy.

01:31:28.000 It makes sense, and it makes you just realize sometimes, too, just the silliness. 1.00

01:31:31.000 Like, sometimes you almost just want to sit down and just laugh at the silly shit that we do as human beings. 0.99

01:31:35.000 It's like, oh my God, why do I care? 0.99

01:31:37.000 Like, I can detach myself from something really quickly through that, you know? 0.98

01:31:40.000 And that's what kind of, like, Buddhism was always about, like, just detaching from it, not giving a shit. 0.98

01:31:44.000 You know what I mean? 0.97

01:31:45.000 If it doesn't affect you, death does not scare me.

01:31:49.000 It's like, yeah, it's going to come. 1.00

01:31:50.000 Suffering fucking sucks. 1.00

01:31:52.000 Suffering sucks. 1.00

01:31:53.000 Being injured sucks. 1.00

01:31:54.000 Being in pain sucks. 0.99

01:31:56.000 But yeah, death is like sleep, right? 1.00

01:31:58.000 Losing someone sucks. 1.00

01:31:59.000 Losing someone sucks. 1.00

01:32:00.000 Pain sucks. 0.99

01:32:02.000 But it's like everybody's biggest fear is death. 0.96

01:32:03.000 And even if it is your biggest fear, it happens.

01:32:07.000 Then what?

01:32:07.000 But then what happens?

01:32:08.000 I always talk about how one of the trippiest things in this life is that everyone likes to sleep, but no one wants to die.

01:32:14.000 You're looking forward to going away.

01:32:16.000 You're looking forward to shutting off.

01:32:18.000 You're looking forward to the relief that you get from turning your body off and recovering. 1.00

01:32:23.000 That's some pretty crazy shit, man. 1.00

01:32:25.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00

01:32:26.000 It's the same kind of effect that the DMTs released during Dream State.

01:32:31.000 Supposedly.

01:32:31.000 It's all anecdotal evidence, but that's what they believe happens.

01:32:34.000 But all I know is I don't give a fuck about it. 0.96

01:32:37.000 I love it. 0.98

01:32:38.000 I love going to sleep.

01:32:39.000 Here we go.

01:32:39.000 I don't think about the fact that I'm going to disappear for eight hours and I'm just going to trust that the world doesn't fall apart at the seams and explode while I'm unconscious.

01:32:46.000 It'd be cool to be able to hibernate.

01:32:48.000 Dude.

01:32:49.000 Bears don't really hibernate, you know that?

01:32:50.000 They're always still semi-conscious.

01:32:52.000 I heard it's just a blissful kind of just relaxation.

01:32:54.000 Yeah, they just don't do much. 1.00

01:32:55.000 They just kind of like go, fuck, this sucks. 1.00

01:32:57.000 Yeah, I guess so. 1.00

01:32:57.000 But they can still get up and fuck you up, man. 1.00

01:32:59.000 Yeah, because there are bear attacks in the winter. 0.99

01:33:01.000 Yeah, don't get crazy, man.

01:33:03.000 Well, the real scary thing about the bear attacks in the winter is there are a lot, most of the time, bears trying to eat you because they're starving to death.

01:33:09.000 That's how Grizzly Man died. 1.00

01:33:11.000 That crazy asshole that was living up in Alaska with all those bears? 1.00

01:33:14.000 Yeah, you heard the tape? 1.00

01:33:15.000 Have you seen the video?

01:33:16.000 I haven't heard the tape.

01:33:17.000 The death tape?

01:33:17.000 There's a death tape out?

01:33:18.000 Isn't there a death tape?

01:33:20.000 No, I don't think there's not one yet.

01:33:22.000 They wanted to get it, but what it was is the camera was running, but it was only audio.

01:33:27.000 And Werner Herzog, the director, listens to it on camera.

01:33:31.000 You see him listening to it.

01:33:32.000 Oh, that's what they should have been showing.

01:33:33.000 But they don't actually play it at all.

01:33:36.000 It was like six minutes long, man.

01:33:39.000 A bear, dude.

01:33:39.000 They showed that guy on that I survived who got basically eaten and mauled by a bear and survived it.

01:33:45.000 The bear was shitting on him, peeing on him, like treating him like his kill. 0.95

01:33:50.000 It was so nasty. 0.97

01:33:51.000 Oh, that's so scary, dude.

01:33:53.000 How'd he get out of that?

01:33:55.000 He just got sick of me.

01:33:56.000 Play that Ronald Reagan show.

01:33:57.000 Yeah, let's see it.

01:33:59.000 Rewind it from the beginning.

01:34:01.000 Rewind it, Brian.

01:34:02.000 Suddenly there was a threat to this world from some other species from another planet outside in the universe. 1.00

01:34:12.000 We'd forget all the little local differences that we have between our countries.

01:34:18.000 Perhaps we need some outside universal threat to make us recognize this common bound.

01:34:26.000 I occasionally think how quickly our differences worldwide would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world.

01:34:37.000 Wow.

01:34:38.000 So true.

01:34:39.000 Space is filled with warriors.

01:34:41.000 Yeah.

01:34:41.000 Just flying out of the country, jacking people.

01:34:43.000 I'd like to think that we galvanize and ante up and all get together, like in signs.

01:34:48.000 Do you think so? 0.98

01:34:50.000 Well, I think we would to attack the aliens, but do you think that any species ever gets to a point where it doesn't fuck with the weaker species? 0.96

01:34:56.000 It's hard to think that a mass collectiveness of fight or flight would happen. 0.98

01:35:02.000 I think most would fly.

01:35:04.000 Most people would just go hide and be scared.

01:35:06.000 No, no, no.

01:35:07.000 What I'm saying is, do you think that alien life in all galaxies, wherever it exists, intelligent life, do you think it always fucks with whatever's weaker than it?

01:35:17.000 Does that just help things become strong?

01:35:18.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:35:19.000 I think that's nature, right?

01:35:20.000 That's just dominance. 1.00

01:35:21.000 So if they came here, they would have to fuck with us. 1.00

01:35:23.000 They would have to fuck with us. 1.00

01:35:25.000 Now, the thing I don't quite understand is why everybody gives them credit for being so smart if they came here. 1.00

01:35:29.000 Because they can come here.

01:35:30.000 They can get here, but what if we can get to where they're at?

01:35:34.000 Well, we can't.

01:35:35.000 We're getting closer.

01:35:36.000 We are getting closer.

01:35:37.000 More water on the moon.

01:35:38.000 Yeah, they found water.

01:35:40.000 They found more water.

01:35:41.000 A lot more than they thought.

01:35:43.000 There's also the idea that they could use that as like the moon as a refueling station instead of something up there and they use that like as a launch because it's 260,000 miles out and it doesn't have the same kind of gravity.

01:35:52.000 Right. 0.96

01:35:52.000 So they could start launching shit from the moon. 0.96

01:35:54.000 But, you know, you have to prove to me that you can survive in deep space for a long period of time and that people are going to be willing to take that chance. 0.97

01:36:00.000 Yeah.

01:36:01.000 There's like the Mars project.

01:36:03.000 Right.

01:36:03.000 And there's another thing they've been concentrating on, this idea of a hundred-year spaceship, a spaceship that can exist and has enough fuel to run a hundred years.

01:36:12.000 Oh, yeah.

01:36:12.000 People can survive to colonize the galaxy.

01:36:14.000 That's like a project that's currently in development.

01:36:16.000 Dude, that kind of stuff, like, you know... 1.00

01:36:18.000 The fuck, man? 1.00

01:36:19.000 That's some deep shit. 1.00

01:36:21.000 Like, if they really... 1.00

01:36:22.000 A hundred years in a spaceship and...

01:36:25.000 That's possible?

01:36:25.000 Yeah, but that would suck, like, being on the 100-year spaceship, and then, like, a couple years later, they made, like, the 200-year spaceship, and you'd be like, man, I want to be on the 200-year spaceship, so my kids could live longer, too.

01:36:34.000 Or you have a change of thought. 0.99

01:36:35.000 Well, I think you have 100 years to get somewhere, and if you can't get there in 100 years, you're fucked. 0.98

01:36:39.000 But the thing is, how do they keep enough food? 1.00

01:36:41.000 How big is this goddamn spaceship? 0.99

01:36:43.000 Are they growing their own food? 0.99

01:36:44.000 Yeah, you'd have to do something like that.

01:36:46.000 You'd have to grow your own food, and what kind of power would you be able to use?

01:36:49.000 Nuclear power?

01:36:50.000 You'd have to use nuclear power. 0.97

01:36:51.000 How the fuck else could you? 0.99

01:36:52.000 What if everybody got radiation sickness and shit? 1.00

01:36:54.000 What are you communicating with? 1.00

01:36:57.000 Three-eyed motherfuckers with six arms and shit. 1.00

01:37:00.000 Everybody was a mutant from all the radiation because they had never done long-term exposure studies. 1.00

01:37:04.000 We'd have to take a chance. 1.00

01:37:06.000 I'd sign up for that shit. 1.00

01:37:07.000 Would you? 1.00

01:37:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:37:08.000 I always think when people think that maybe if this is the last generation or if the Mayan calendar is true or something like that, I feel pretty damn honored to be on the last part of the last generation.

01:37:16.000 Again, it could just be the end of your life, man.

01:37:18.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:37:19.000 I manufacture it.

01:37:20.000 So does that mean that you're a character in my life?

01:37:22.000 Seems like it.

01:37:23.000 Through your eyes, I'm a character in your eyes.

01:37:24.000 Or am I in yours?

01:37:25.000 Well, maybe we're all both.

01:37:26.000 Maybe it's both.

01:37:27.000 Maybe there's no tangibility to life.

01:37:30.000 Maybe it's ethereal.

01:37:32.000 Maybe it exists in both ways.

01:37:33.000 Maybe you're just a part of my imagination and I'm a part of yours.

01:37:36.000 Like, that'd be crazy if you made up all this.

01:37:38.000 The earth, the atmosphere.

01:37:40.000 You made it all.

01:37:40.000 It's not that you made it up, that it almost exists as a part of your program.

01:37:44.000 Well, that's what we were talking about earlier, lucid dreaming, like the ability to wake up during your dreams.

01:37:48.000 You do that, right?

01:37:49.000 I've done it.

01:37:49.000 I can't say I do it often.

01:37:51.000 It's hard.

01:37:51.000 I've only done it once or twice by accident, and because I saw a movie where a guy had a technique where in real life, every time he'd walk through a door, he would knock on the door and go, am I dreaming?

01:38:03.000 Yeah.

01:38:03.000 That's the trick to doing it.

01:38:05.000 I did it once in a dream.

01:38:06.000 Dr. Stephen LeBurge is the one, I read all these books about it quite by accident one day, but I started reading it.

01:38:12.000 It was fascinating because he did it at Stanford and taught all these kids to do it to the point where they were so good at it, they were developing skills in their dreams, they could do it at will.

01:38:19.000 It's basically like laying down in bed and saying, here's what I'm going to dream about tonight.

01:38:22.000 It's like a meditation practice.

01:38:24.000 You can do it two ways.

01:38:25.000 You can wake yourself up in a dream or you can just enter it straight in.

01:38:28.000 And that takes extreme concentration.

01:38:30.000 Like, focus, focus, focus. 0.98

01:38:32.000 But, you know, in it, it's like you start to realize how fascinating your brain is because you'll completely reproduce something to a T. Like, you're like, I fucking made that. 0.96

01:38:41.000 That's my thought. 0.95

01:38:42.000 I'm walking around.

01:38:42.000 And how many times have you done this?

01:38:43.000 I've done it probably like five times in my life.

01:38:45.000 It was...

01:38:46.000 It's hard.

01:38:46.000 And the problem is, if you smoke pot, you don't get true REM sleep like a lot of people.

01:38:50.000 You don't?

01:38:53.000 Potheads don't seem to remember dreams as well. 0.99

01:38:55.000 Some are different.

01:38:56.000 Maybe it's a different kind you're smoking.

01:38:58.000 Is that true?

01:38:59.000 If you inhibit your brain at all with alcohol or anything, you're going to have a harder time dreaming.

01:39:04.000 Pot stops me from dreaming.

01:39:05.000 Google that.

01:39:06.000 I don't know.

01:39:09.000 The best time to have them, they say, is in the morning.

01:39:12.000 Wake yourself up at 6 in the morning and go back to sleep.

01:39:16.000 That's when you can get them.

01:39:17.000 For the novice, they say, and I've only had a few, but they're amazing.

01:39:21.000 It's like you've manufactured this world.

01:39:23.000 You can fly.

01:39:24.000 The thing that you tend to do, which I do, is you go around punching people because you can't.

01:39:28.000 It's just amazing.

01:39:29.000 But your brain is as real as you and I are right now.

01:39:32.000 There's a focus and technique thing you can use on YouTube and stuff.

01:39:36.000 They'll show you how to do it.

01:39:37.000 I should explain what I was talking about before.

01:39:39.000 The knock on the door, yeah.

01:39:40.000 The guy said, knock on the door in real life.

01:39:43.000 When you're walking through your house, knock on the door and go, am I dreaming?

01:39:46.000 Right.

01:39:46.000 And then, obviously, you walk through it, you're not dreaming.

01:39:48.000 But you feel the knock, and that's how you know you're not dreaming.

01:39:52.000 Right.

01:39:52.000 Well, I did this for a couple days, and then I was in a dream, and I went, am I dreaming?

01:39:58.000 Oh my God, I'm dreaming.

01:39:59.000 Right.

01:39:59.000 My hand just went right through the door.

01:40:00.000 Right.

01:40:01.000 I was like, whoa! 0.93

01:40:02.000 And so then I opened up the door, and the door was like the edge of a cliff, and there was like clouds and shit, and I just started flying. 0.99

01:40:08.000 Wow, isn't this the shit? 1.00

01:40:09.000 The dopest fucking thing. 1.00

01:40:10.000 But it only lasted for like 30 seconds, because I was going, holy shit, I can't believe I'm dreaming and I'm flying. 1.00

01:40:15.000 How am I doing? 0.86

01:40:15.000 I'm awake. 0.86

01:40:17.000 They say that that's what happens the first time, is you're so overwhelmed by it.

01:40:21.000 I shot my load in my pants.

01:40:22.000 That's what I did. 0.93

01:40:23.000 I didn't even get my pants off. 0.69

01:40:24.000 I shot my load in my pants.

01:40:26.000 That's what happened. 0.99

01:40:26.000 I was like, we're really going to have sex? 0.99

01:40:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:40:28.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

01:40:30.000 But it's like if you practice it enough, it's just like meditation. 1.00

01:40:32.000 You can get good at it, apparently.

01:40:34.000 I just forget to practice it because I just crash half the time.

01:40:36.000 Well, you know, you asked me about the isolation tank.

01:40:39.000 That's what you've got to look into. 1.00

01:40:40.000 Fuck all that lucid dreaming. 1.00

01:40:41.000 Because the isolation tank is lucid dreaming in 10 minutes guaranteed every time. 1.00

01:40:45.000 Guaranteed every time you're going to go somewhere.

01:40:47.000 Oh, that's awesome.

01:40:47.000 And the more you relax, the more you get good at it, and the more you get good at it, the deeper you can go and the weirder things get.

01:40:53.000 My dad always told me about it as a kid.

01:40:55.000 He did it a lot in the Air Force.

01:40:56.000 Where do you live?

01:40:57.000 What part of LA? You don't have to say.

01:41:01.000 You don't have to say.

01:41:03.000 There's a place in Burbank called Soothing Solutions.

01:41:05.000 It's really good.

01:41:07.000 They have these tanks and you rent them by the hour.

01:41:10.000 It's totally worth it, man.

01:41:11.000 Just try it.

01:41:12.000 It's the same temperature as your body, so you can't feel your body, right?

01:41:15.000 Yep, you don't feel your body.

01:41:16.000 You just feel the water.

01:41:18.000 When you get into it, the water's filled with 800 pounds of salt, so you float.

01:41:22.000 Alright.

01:41:23.000 And then once you relax, you're floating in that water, and you don't hear anything.

01:41:26.000 You don't see anything.

01:41:27.000 You have no sensory input.

01:41:28.000 There's another place in Venice called the Float Lab that's awesome.

01:41:31.000 Oh, wow.

01:41:31.000 He's the guy who built my latest tank.

01:41:33.000 He's the state-of-the-art guy.

01:41:35.000 If you go to FloatLab.com, he's got all of his tanks in the design. 0.99

01:41:40.000 It's all stainless steel and shit. 0.69

01:41:41.000 His stuff is real high-tech, top-of-the-line stuff. 0.99

01:41:44.000 Oh, wow.

01:41:44.000 It's basically the same amount of money as the other tanks on the market.

01:41:48.000 He charges the same amount, but they're fucking infinitely superior. 0.69

01:41:51.000 They're amazing.

01:41:52.000 How long can you stay in those?

01:41:53.000 I go in there for hours.

01:41:54.000 Really?

01:41:54.000 Hours, yeah.

01:41:55.000 That's just like extreme meditation, isn't it?

01:41:57.000 It's space travel, dude.

01:41:58.000 I have a spaceship. 0.95

01:41:59.000 The things that I've seen, the shit that I see on a regular basis in there, most people don't ever experience in their whole life. 0.98

01:42:06.000 And I experience it several times a week. 0.98

01:42:07.000 Which the cool thing is, because the body, if you're not physically there, it's still a real experience.

01:42:12.000 You know what I mean?

01:42:13.000 Your mind is still learning from the experience.

01:42:16.000 As if it were real.

01:42:17.000 Yes.

01:42:18.000 Physically.

01:42:18.000 You're untethered from your body, and you don't get any input from your body, so your mind is free to just explore any idea and manifest and visualize these ideas.

01:42:29.000 Your imagination, when it's not harnessed or not being controlled by the body or being hampered down by the body, your imagination creates worlds.

01:42:38.000 Oh, yeah. 0.87

01:42:39.000 You know, we don't fucking know exactly what thinking and imagination truly is. 0.97

01:42:44.000 What is imagination? 0.96

01:42:46.000 The ability to create in your mind?

01:42:49.000 I mean, that seems to me to be some sort of a driving force in the universe.

01:42:54.000 If you look at what the idea of imagination, the idea of creation, it manifests itself in a bunch of different things.

01:43:00.000 It manifests itself in art, and it manifests itself in inventions, and it manifests things that improve your life and keep people healthy and keep people alive longer so they figure things out more.

01:43:12.000 So they come up with better ideas.

01:43:14.000 These are all products of the imagination.

01:43:15.000 Everything from science to vitamins. 0.99

01:43:18.000 These are products of someone went, I think I can get that shit out of there and put it in a pill. 0.99

01:43:23.000 That's the imagination. 1.00

01:43:24.000 That's the mind trying to be curious and figure this shit out. 0.96

01:43:26.000 I mean, it's like a driving force of the universe. 0.98

01:43:29.000 And it's kind of like an all-ubiquitous force, too, because it's like sometimes inventions are being thought of at the same time.

01:43:35.000 Yeah, sure.

01:43:36.000 You know, like the Wright brothers, you know, they were working on a thing, but there was that guy over in England who had his thing he was working on, and they were racing each other.

01:43:41.000 I mean, flight was inevitable.

01:43:43.000 You knew it was coming.

01:43:44.000 Perfect example was with you saying earlier that cell phones, if you had them in the past, people would think of them like you were a witch.

01:43:51.000 I've said that so many times.

01:43:52.000 Perfect example.

01:43:53.000 But it's two people looking at something. 0.99

01:43:55.000 Both of them are going, well, what the fuck is going on here? 0.98

01:43:57.000 And then both people come to some sort of a same conclusion when they figured out radio. 0.99

01:44:01.000 It was the same thing.

01:44:01.000 There was a bunch of people that figured out the radio.

01:44:03.000 It was Marconi.

01:44:04.000 There was a bunch of different guys that were working on the same situation.

01:44:08.000 And then every now and then you get a guy like Nikola Tesla that's so fucking far out there. 0.99

01:44:13.000 No one thought of any of the shit that he came up with. 0.99

01:44:15.000 And you look at his stuff and you're like, what the fuck is this dude on? 0.99

01:44:19.000 That and Da Vinci. 0.98

01:44:20.000 They had Da Vinci up at the Getty. 0.98

01:44:21.000 And I went and looked at his scribblings just like, he literally, you know, the helicopter, all that shit. 0.98

01:44:25.000 Machines, all kinds of machines. 0.98

01:44:26.000 The guy was so bloody genius brilliant.

01:44:29.000 Like his sketches were just like, I cannot believe somebody was thinking this advanced.

01:44:32.000 Dude, wasn't he in like the 1400s?

01:44:35.000 Somebody made a thread about it on the Rogan board saying, could you imagine, this is what the guy said, if you lived in a world where everyone else had Down syndrome?

01:44:45.000 He was like, that's what it must have been like to be Da Vinci.

01:44:48.000 He was living in the 1400s creating helicopters and all these machines. 0.91

01:44:53.000 Bisecting the human body and diagramming it to a T. And your neighbor's just some retard just like, what sayeth you, sir? 1.00

01:45:00.000 Yeah, he's fucking his sheep. 1.00

01:45:01.000 And he's probably one of those guys like, I can't believe it's the fucking 1400s. 1.00

01:45:05.000 I can't wait. 0.97

01:45:05.000 I'm not going to be here. 0.97

01:45:06.000 He's probably a time traveler.

01:45:08.000 Yeah, big time, dude.

01:45:09.000 I think there is going to be time traveling, dude. 1.00

01:45:13.000 We can do that shit. 0.99

01:45:14.000 Yes, there will be, but there hasn't been. 1.00

01:45:16.000 No, there hasn't been.

01:45:17.000 And then when it does happen, like I said, it's going to make everything null and void.

01:45:21.000 It's going to break the whole package.

01:45:22.000 Did you know they filmed Back to the Future, they filmed half the movie with Eric Stoltz as the role of Marty, and then they...

01:45:30.000 Just weren't feeling it.

01:45:31.000 So they had to go back and re-film the whole movie from the start.

01:45:35.000 With Michael J. Fox?

01:45:36.000 With Michael J. Fox.

01:45:36.000 They're a month in with Stoltz.

01:45:38.000 And they just released recently because they just came out on DVD. Yeah, it's on the DVD set.

01:45:42.000 I've seen it before because I remember seeing the Eric Stoltz footage and just like, that ain't right.

01:45:45.000 It's not right.

01:45:47.000 It's not right?

01:45:47.000 It's just not good?

01:45:48.000 Rocky Dennis is Back to the Future.

01:45:52.000 Eric Stultz.

01:45:52.000 That's probably what all fell apart for him.

01:45:54.000 And you know what?

01:45:55.000 That's the thing.

01:45:55.000 It's like, what do you do?

01:45:56.000 It's some kind of wonderful and then bit parts here and there.

01:45:59.000 Pulp Fiction was the best ever.

01:46:00.000 Pulp Fiction was the apex of his career.

01:46:02.000 Was he in Killing Zoe?

01:46:03.000 Yes.

01:46:04.000 That's one of my favorite movies. 0.99

01:46:06.000 That's a good goddamn movie. 0.99

01:46:07.000 He was a good guy. 0.99

01:46:09.000 There was guys like him, like Matt Modine.

01:46:11.000 What happened to those guys?

01:46:13.000 Matt Modine, yeah, Matt Modine.

01:46:14.000 I loved Matt Modine.

01:46:15.000 Vision Quest.

01:46:15.000 Yeah, that guy was awesome.

01:46:16.000 Vision Quest is a great goddamn movie. 0.98

01:46:18.000 Yeah, dude, he's going to wrestle for State. 0.98

01:46:21.000 He's got the heat suit on that are banned now. 0.99

01:46:24.000 It's a good fucking movie. 1.00

01:46:25.000 That's a good fucking movie. 1.00

01:46:26.000 I love Matt Modine. 1.00

01:46:27.000 And that hot chick, what the fuck was her name in that movie? 1.00

01:46:30.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

01:46:30.000 Goddamn, that bitch is pretty. 1.00

01:46:31.000 What is her name? 1.00

01:46:33.000 Who was in Vision Quest?

01:46:35.000 Jennifer Connelly?

01:46:36.000 It's not Diane Lane, was it?

01:46:38.000 No, I don't think that was Diane Lane.

01:46:39.000 Look it up.

01:46:40.000 Can you IMDB it?

01:46:42.000 It should be Vision Quest.

01:46:43.000 See, this is the beauty of the internet, man.

01:46:46.000 No, Brian.

01:46:48.000 Cast. 1.00

01:46:50.000 Cast assholes. 1.00

01:46:51.000 He writes asshole in everything. 1.00

01:46:52.000 Every quest. 0.99

01:46:53.000 Really?

01:46:53.000 Yeah.

01:46:54.000 Every time he does an internet search, he'll add finger butthole.

01:46:59.000 Just to see what the photos are. 1.00

01:47:02.000 See if Jennifer Connelly has an asshole. 1.00

01:47:04.000 Who is the chick? 1.00

01:47:05.000 I'm still...

01:47:10.000 Linda Floriantino. 1.00

01:47:11.000 Damn. 0.99

01:47:12.000 Nobody heard of her anymore. 0.99

01:47:13.000 Linda Floriantino. 1.00

01:47:14.000 She was hot as fuck! 1.00

01:47:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:47:16.000 Remember how pretty she was? 1.00

01:47:18.000 She was.

01:47:18.000 Remember Phoebe Cates?

01:47:19.000 She was hot. 1.00

01:47:21.000 Phoebe Cates, the fat scene.

01:47:22.000 Fast times.

01:47:22.000 When the dude was in the bathroom flapping.

01:47:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:47:24.000 And she walked in, caught him with his dick in his hand. 1.00

01:47:26.000 She just kind of went away, too. 1.00

01:47:28.000 Yeah.

01:47:28.000 Well, she got pregnant, I think, and had some kids.

01:47:30.000 Well, she's married to the actor...

01:47:34.000 Not Greg Kinnear, but the other one is kind of like him.

01:47:36.000 Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

01:47:37.000 Yeah?

01:47:38.000 I think she's married to Kevin Kline.

01:47:39.000 Kevin Kline?

01:47:39.000 Did you just say Jonathan Taylor Thomas?

01:47:41.000 Oh, Kevin Kline.

01:47:41.000 I thought I was thinking of a different Kevin.

01:47:43.000 Shit. 1.00

01:47:44.000 We're talking Hollywood, goddammit. 1.00

01:47:46.000 What? 0.97

01:47:46.000 She's still a knockout. 0.97

01:47:47.000 Linda Farantino? 0.97

01:47:48.000 Yeah, she's still a knockout. 1.00

01:47:49.000 Is that recent?

01:47:50.000 She kind of looks like she got smushed against a wall on her IMDb. 1.00

01:47:54.000 See how it looks like she just got...

01:47:56.000 I hope she didn't have brain cancer. 1.00

01:47:57.000 She's still pretty as fuck. 1.00

01:47:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:47:58.000 That would suck. 1.00

01:48:00.000 What am I having to Laura Flynn Boyle?

01:48:02.000 She's hanging out all the time.

01:48:04.000 She weighs 18 pounds.

01:48:05.000 I saw her in a photo.

01:48:06.000 She was walking on the beach and she looked like she was from Kenya.

01:48:11.000 She was a stick figure.

01:48:12.000 I saw her maybe a couple years ago and she just married some guy and she's like, this is my new husband and this poor guy is just like a regular fella out of Texas like an accountant.

01:48:20.000 Blake has no idea.

01:48:21.000 Of course, he's like, yeah, I'm gonna marry a movie star.

01:48:24.000 Sure.

01:48:25.000 She's a good woman, just trying to keep it together.

01:48:26.000 Yeah.

01:48:27.000 Oh, man.

01:48:28.000 I've seen those before.

01:48:29.000 There's nothing sadder than a dude who's on a ride he doesn't understand.

01:48:33.000 It's so true. 0.84

01:48:34.000 It's so true. 1.00

01:48:36.000 Some regular civilian who winds up marrying some crazy movie star used to fuck Jack Nicholson. 1.00

01:48:40.000 Good old decent Texas fella, too. 1.00

01:48:42.000 Bitch, good luck. 1.00

01:48:42.000 Oh, I know. 1.00

01:48:43.000 Good luck with all your fucking country logic, stupid. 1.00

01:48:46.000 This shit ain't gonna work out. 1.00

01:48:47.000 I'll change him. 1.00

01:48:48.000 Yeah.

01:48:49.000 What has been the weirdest thing about coming here and, you know, starting out, you know, doing all the, you know, working for the comedy store and doing all that shit and then eventually winding up on television and starting to make money?

01:49:00.000 What's been the weirdest part about it to you?

01:49:03.000 I think the weirdest part is, for me, it's like the distance put in between some of your peers that you started with.

01:49:11.000 Because there's this idea that comedy is like freshman football.

01:49:13.000 I've been at it long enough. 1.00

01:49:14.000 I should get my shot, but it's bullshit. 1.00

01:49:16.000 Some guys just haven't reconciled with themselves that you're not good. 0.99

01:49:21.000 There's a resentment among some guys that don't become successful about people who are.

01:49:24.000 And it's really something sad, too, because it's one of these things where it's like, you know, we started off 10 years ago, a bunch of us together, me, Caparulo, Renizzisi.

01:49:31.000 And it worked for some of us.

01:49:32.000 And for some it didn't.

01:49:33.000 And it doesn't mean that it's owed to you.

01:49:35.000 Because, like I said, it's really hard.

01:49:38.000 Even if you're really good, it's really hard.

01:49:40.000 And Hollywood doesn't owe anybody anything.

01:49:43.000 Not a damn thing.

01:49:44.000 And it didn't ask you to come here and it doesn't tell you when to leave. 0.85

01:49:46.000 But you've got to know.

01:49:47.000 There's some people, you'll get it at the comedy store.

01:49:50.000 Guys will be like, oh man, screw the store.

01:49:51.000 I don't get spots there.

01:49:52.000 But it's like, tell me the other clubs that are giving you spots.

01:49:54.000 They can never name one.

01:49:55.000 You know?

01:49:56.000 And if they do, it's some hole in the wall.

01:49:58.000 Yeah.

01:49:58.000 But if it's like...

01:49:59.000 Comedy's the most justified art form.

01:50:01.000 And, you know, there's enough...

01:50:03.000 The audience is right there to tell you whether you're any good at it.

01:50:05.000 When I lived in Boston, it was shocking when guys would go somewhere and get sitcoms or be in movies.

01:50:11.000 You know what the local headliners would go? 0.99

01:50:12.000 He's a fucking middle act. 0.99

01:50:14.000 This guy's a middle act and he's in a movie. 1.00

01:50:15.000 Like, to them...

01:50:17.000 It's like they didn't get theirs.

01:50:18.000 That was a big attitude amongst Boston guys.

01:50:20.000 Especially after Stephen Wright hit.

01:50:22.000 There's a great documentary about Boston.

01:50:25.000 I forget what it's called. 0.99

01:50:27.000 Fucking... 1.00

01:50:28.000 Shit. 1.00

01:50:31.000 Boston comedy. 1.00

01:50:32.000 Look up documentary on Boston comedy.

01:50:34.000 It was a big scene.

01:50:35.000 Before the laughter dies. 1.00

01:50:36.000 I don't know what the fuck is his name. 0.99

01:50:37.000 Boston comedy movie. 0.99

01:50:38.000 It was a fantastic scene, but the problem was all the headliners that were the main part of the movement in the 70s and the 80s, especially the 80s, all the guys who were literally the most talented comedians in the country, they stayed in Boston and they just burnt out. 0.99

01:50:54.000 They did coke and they fucking partied and they all owed the IRS a million dollars and they were fucking savages.

01:51:01.000 And they didn't write a lot of new material, but back then, in those days, I would put them up against any comic ever. 0.99

01:51:08.000 That's what people have never heard before.

01:51:09.000 I would put Don Gavin up against any comic I've ever seen ever as far as craftsmanship, skill, delivery, timing, confidence, passion, not even passion, I should say, confidence, Just his charisma on stage.

01:51:22.000 His ability to just get you to laugh at it.

01:51:25.000 Just the perfectly timed joke. 0.99

01:51:27.000 God, Gavin was a killer.

01:51:29.000 They don't like to leave the neighborhood. 0.79

01:51:30.000 Well, they got rich there.

01:51:31.000 When you're making several thousand dollars a week doing comedy in Boston, and all of a sudden you're going to go on the road, and you're going to make one-fourth that, and people are going to not come out to see you.

01:51:42.000 You know, you're doing the punchline Atlanta. 1.00

01:51:43.000 They don't know who the fuck you are. 1.00

01:51:45.000 So there's half full crowds and they don't care about Boston. 1.00

01:51:48.000 So they don't want to hear all your Boston jokes, which are your best jokes.

01:51:51.000 Right.

01:51:51.000 You know, there's a lot of guys that have all this Boston centric material in Boston and they will crush with it.

01:51:57.000 They will crush with it. 0.99

01:51:58.000 But if you go to Virginia, they don't give a fuck about Boston. 0.99

01:52:01.000 They don't want to talk about it. 0.98

01:52:02.000 Was Dennis Leary in that scene?

01:52:03.000 Like, who came out of that?

01:52:04.000 Yeah, he was in the scene.

01:52:05.000 He kind of got out of the scene pretty quick, though. 0.94

01:52:07.000 He got out of the scene with his MTV shit, and then with his first special, where he got all the comparisons to Hicks, where everybody was going, stealing Hicks material. 0.87

01:52:16.000 Yeah, I've seen those different ones. 0.95

01:52:20.000 In their entirety.

01:52:21.000 Yeah.

01:52:21.000 They're interesting.

01:52:23.000 Very interesting.

01:52:24.000 Yeah.

01:52:24.000 Pretty obvious.

01:52:26.000 Real obvious.

01:52:26.000 Yeah.

01:52:27.000 He was a hack.

01:52:27.000 From the beginning.

01:52:28.000 It's really sad.

01:52:30.000 It's like, you know...

01:52:30.000 But he's a guy that just was super ambitious.

01:52:33.000 Just wanted to make it.

01:52:34.000 And this is his thing.

01:52:34.000 you found this thing you know you created crafted this character and then all of a sudden you know he needed some material to go along with it so he just kind of copied whatever other people said that was cool and reworked it it was very obvious I see that happen with some guys especially who have been just for a few short years and they'll get an opportunity I'll see those guys do that.

01:52:53.000 Just to survive.

01:52:55.000 It's one of the biggest problems with a guy like Minstelia.

01:52:57.000 Minstelia, and there's a few other guys in town, you know where they are.

01:52:59.000 And there's a few guys that are doing well, and they're doing well by doing just that.

01:53:04.000 And it's blatantly obvious to young kids coming up.

01:53:06.000 So instead of like, when I started out in Boston, I mean, you were like ostracized if you were a thief. 0.97

01:53:12.000 You were a hack.

01:53:13.000 And there was mistakes.

01:53:15.000 And sometimes people come up with jokes they don't even know that somebody else said it.

01:53:18.000 I've seen it before.

01:53:19.000 I've done it myself.

01:53:21.000 There's mistakes and then there's people forget that they heard a joke before. 0.97

01:53:25.000 There's all sorts of shit that people have parallel thinking. 0.91

01:53:28.000 That's possible too. 0.96

01:53:29.000 But there comes a point in time when you're watching dudes where you know they've seen someone before and you know he's just doing this and reworking it and he's changing it and making it this way.

01:53:38.000 Right, because there's such a specific, like, you know, the thing, obviously with the Carlos thing, the Bill Cosby thing, it's like that. 0.94

01:53:43.000 Yeah, so silly. 0.94

01:53:44.000 That's not common thinking, my God. 1.00

01:53:45.000 Well, he's a sociopath. 0.98

01:53:47.000 You gotta be. 0.96

01:53:48.000 That dude's gotta disconnect.

01:53:49.000 You gotta be.

01:53:49.000 Did you hear him on the Marc Maron podcast?

01:53:51.000 Yeah, I heard that whole thing.

01:53:53.000 Oh, God.

01:53:53.000 And good for Marc for having him back the second time, because Marc's like, you know what, I don't feel good about that.

01:53:57.000 I feel like I deprived you of something.

01:53:59.000 The first thing was gross.

01:54:00.000 Yeah.

01:54:00.000 That's why he said that, because he was embarrassed by how gross he sounded.

01:54:03.000 Yeah, softballs, yeah. 0.56

01:54:04.000 It wasn't just softballs.

01:54:05.000 He was saying, well, you got there through comedy.

01:54:08.000 At least you did it through comedy. 0.99

01:54:09.000 I don't know what the fuck that means. 0.98

01:54:11.000 You're a real comedian. 0.98

01:54:13.000 What does that mean?

01:54:14.000 You like comedy.

01:54:15.000 It's like, come on.

01:54:16.000 You know what his thing is?

01:54:17.000 He has this thing for people who've made it through comedy.

01:54:21.000 You know, he thinks that's the right way.

01:54:22.000 All these other people have sold out, man.

01:54:24.000 Sure, yeah.

01:54:25.000 Man, you didn't do it the right way.

01:54:27.000 It's like, good luck doing it that way.

01:54:28.000 The grossest thing about the Maren thing was that he thought that, the video that Brian and I made, he said, I think it should have been handled through the community.

01:54:36.000 He said that?

01:54:36.000 That's what he said, yes.

01:54:37.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

01:54:37.000 That it could have been handled somewhere.

01:54:39.000 Like, how has it ever been handled through the community, ever?

01:54:41.000 Name one time. 0.99

01:54:42.000 They don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:54:43.000 That was the whole purpose for the whole thing. 0.99

01:54:45.000 The community didn't give a fuck. 0.99

01:54:47.000 They all knew he was stealing. 0.99

01:54:48.000 Everyone from Comedy Central knew he was stealing.

01:54:50.000 Everybody that worked on the set, on that show, I knew writers.

01:54:54.000 They all knew he was stealing.

01:54:55.000 This was not...

01:54:56.000 No one was stopping this. 0.94

01:54:57.000 And then Maren says this, and then he goes and has him on for fucking three hours talking about it. 0.90

01:55:01.000 Oh, it should have been handled with the community, inside the community? 0.76

01:55:05.000 You just talked about it for three hours on a podcast.

01:55:08.000 Yeah, he's broadcasting to the community.

01:55:09.000 Our video was ten minutes long, Mark.

01:55:11.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:55:12.000 I remember that.

01:55:12.000 But he's one of those dudes.

01:55:14.000 Marin is one of those dudes.

01:55:15.000 I remember that night.

01:55:16.000 And goddammit, if that didn't really expose him, if that didn't...

01:55:19.000 That was it. 0.92

01:55:20.000 Oh, it worked.

01:55:20.000 It did work!

01:55:21.000 It straightened out a real problem.

01:55:24.000 It was amazing to be...

01:55:25.000 Marin's comparisons were so ridiculous because he was talking about parallel thinking or guys sounding like I mean, it's done for him. 0.89

01:55:47.000 He's a pariah, right? 0.97

01:55:48.000 Yes.

01:55:49.000 He is what he is.

01:55:50.000 His audience has been reduced to what it should have been in the first place. 1.00

01:55:53.000 People without an internet connection and people who are so stupid they don't care if you're full of shit. 1.00

01:55:58.000 What does he look at? 1.00

01:56:00.000 Is he doing theaters?

01:56:01.000 He's doing good.

01:56:02.000 I'm sure he's making a living. 0.98

01:56:03.000 There's plenty of retards out there, bro. 1.00

01:56:05.000 You think he'll get back on TV? NASCAR is huge. 0.94

01:56:08.000 I'm not saying there's anything wrong with fast cars. 0.93

01:56:11.000 They're pretty fucking cool.

01:56:12.000 I wouldn't even mind going to see one lot. 1.00

01:56:15.000 But if you ever look in the audience at NASCAR, there's people There's a lot of people out there, man, and there's a lot of them, and they're fucking dumb. 0.99

01:56:23.000 You ever see those Sarah Palin book signing lines? 1.00

01:56:25.000 Oh, yeah.

01:56:26.000 The looks on them.

01:56:27.000 Christ!

01:56:28.000 Christ!

01:56:29.000 A teabagger rally, the looks on them. 0.97

01:56:31.000 It's like you hate to lump people in, but it's like, come on.

01:56:34.000 There's so many of them, bro.

01:56:35.000 Let's talk about them.

01:56:36.000 We live in a nerfed society. 1.00

01:56:38.000 We live in a society that makes it real easy for these pussies to get by, and they just turn out dumb and simple, and they want to be around other dumb, simple people. 1.00

01:56:47.000 They want to fight everybody who disagrees. 1.00

01:56:49.000 I'll tell you this on this land where my grandfather died fighting for this land. 1.00

01:56:55.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:56:56.000 They have kids and you just look at the kids and you're like, there's no hope. 1.00

01:56:59.000 You fucking blood clot for progress, you cunt, you dumb fuck. 1.00

01:57:03.000 And that's the problem with voting. 1.00

01:57:04.000 The problem with voting is there's at least as many of them as there are people that are sensible.

01:57:09.000 Right.

01:57:09.000 And there's a lot of people that are sensible that are barely keeping it together.

01:57:12.000 The stress of modern day society is too much for the fucking mortal body. 0.99

01:57:16.000 Right. 1.00

01:57:16.000 People's bodies are not meant for fucking four hours every day in traffic and bullshit and fucking stress at work because you have to pretend to be someone that you're not because you want to keep your job. 1.00

01:57:25.000 So you have to listen to this fucking cuntbag, stupid, retard boss. 1.00

01:57:28.000 The only reason he's in there is because he married the fucking boss's daughter. 1.00

01:57:31.000 And holy shit, you're losing your marbles, bro. 1.00

01:57:33.000 And then you start falling apart at the seams. 1.00

01:57:35.000 Well, you can vote too.

01:57:37.000 You can vote too. 0.93

01:57:37.000 You don't have your brain in order. 0.93

01:57:39.000 You're not making good decisions. 1.00

01:57:40.000 Your whole life's a goddamn mess. 1.00

01:57:42.000 We got a problem here with these goddamn liberals who want to take my taxes. 1.00

01:57:46.000 That's not the problem. 1.00

01:57:48.000 We've got a bigger problem.

01:57:49.000 A way bigger problem.

01:57:51.000 We're moving in a direction and no one has analyzed the direction.

01:57:54.000 We're just going.

01:57:55.000 It's just amazing when those people, though, they think if you make less than $200,000 a year, you're not a Republican.

01:58:01.000 I hate to tell you, but you're just not.

01:58:03.000 You're not a real one.

01:58:05.000 You don't know what you're doing.

01:58:06.000 You don't know what you're doing and you're not servicing a party that's made for you. 0.89

01:58:09.000 Isn't it amazing that they've managed to connect, like, being, like, good folk and being, like, good god guns and government?

01:58:16.000 Yeah. 0.66

01:58:16.000 They've managed to connect all that together with big business that doesn't give a fuck about you or the environment. 0.66

01:58:21.000 Yeah.

01:58:21.000 Like, they've managed to connect hunting and fishing.

01:58:24.000 Right. 0.99

01:58:24.000 Like, Bush would always be hunting and, you know, fucking the famous thing where Dick Cheney shot his friend in the face. 0.99

01:58:29.000 Sure, yeah. 0.99

01:58:29.000 You know, and Sarah Penguin's always shooting news. 0.99

01:58:31.000 Yeah, I too. 1.00

01:58:32.000 All the conservatives, all the ones who want to let these fucking raping companies... 1.00

01:58:36.000 Just continue. 1.00

01:58:36.000 These Monsantos and fucking Halliburtons continue to fucking just crush across the world. 1.00

01:58:43.000 These are the hunters. 1.00

01:58:44.000 And they get the people like that, like the Palins. 0.99

01:58:47.000 It's cool. 1.00

01:58:48.000 It's chic now, especially in this election, to be dumb. 0.99

01:58:51.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:58:51.000 To not know anything. 0.99

01:58:52.000 Ignorance is now celebrated in politics.

01:58:55.000 Elitism is poo-pooed and shadowed.

01:58:57.000 Oh, he went to an Ivy League school.

01:58:59.000 That's a good thing.

01:59:00.000 That's a good thing when you go to an Ivy League school.

01:59:02.000 Yeah, he doesn't understand us.

01:59:03.000 Yeah, he doesn't understand us, regular folks.

01:59:05.000 No, regular folks should not...

01:59:06.000 I started out on my dad's farm.

01:59:08.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

01:59:10.000 What books have you read?

01:59:11.000 Right. 1.00

01:59:11.000 Why the fuck are you going to be the leader? 1.00

01:59:12.000 Right. 0.99

01:59:13.000 What is exceptional about your philosophy?

01:59:16.000 Yeah.

01:59:17.000 We're getting people that are just good talkers.

01:59:19.000 That's all we require.

01:59:20.000 Yeah.

01:59:20.000 Right.

01:59:21.000 We just required them to be able to talk good in public and look like someone who could be leader.

01:59:25.000 The president should be the smartest person in the room.

01:59:27.000 Right.

01:59:27.000 But is that possible?

01:59:28.000 I don't think that the whole world needs leaders.

01:59:31.000 I think that the way we exist right now, we exist in the same manner that they existed when there was 500 monkey people to a group. 1.00

01:59:39.000 And they all had to fight off the coming tribes. 1.00

01:59:42.000 You know, the tribes that would come and try to steal their shit. 1.00

01:59:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:59:44.000 And they all had to rely on the baddest motherfucker. 1.00

01:59:47.000 Who's the guy who's been around the longest? 1.00

01:59:48.000 He's the guy who knows how to escape.

01:59:49.000 He knows the trails.

01:59:50.000 He knows where the food is in the woods.

01:59:52.000 He knows the best places to hide.

01:59:53.000 I think the president should be Miss America. 1.00

01:59:56.000 Every year we get to look at a hot new sexy president. 0.99

02:00:00.000 Wouldn't that be awesome?

02:00:01.000 Like, the president gives speeches in, like, swimsuits and stuff?

02:00:05.000 That would be way better.

02:00:05.000 And, you know, it's hard to tell, too.

02:00:07.000 It's like, think about this, like, Obama, he's only been in two years, and it's like, you know, and he did make a good point on Jon Stewart's show. 0.99

02:00:12.000 He's like, I didn't guarantee this shit overnight. 0.99

02:00:15.000 Here's the thing. 0.99

02:00:16.000 Can it be fixed? 0.99

02:00:17.000 Doesn't it seem like it's built on a foundation of unfixable shit? 0.99

02:00:22.000 It seems like our stock market, this Taibbi article that I was reading about the stock market, when he was talking about how many companies are betting against BP, that there's this gigantic derivatives market where people get to gamble on whether or not someone defaults on their loans... 0.99

02:00:40.000 And gamble whether or not a company can succeed and repay loans.

02:00:43.000 And there's like this shadow economy that's based on all that. 0.98

02:00:46.000 It's a mindfuck. 0.99

02:00:48.000 That is. 1.00

02:00:49.000 Dude, what I've always said about this is if they can rip off accountants, how crazy is this shit? 1.00

02:00:54.000 How crazy is this shit for real? 1.00

02:00:55.000 Forget about you and I who know nothing about the economy. 1.00

02:00:58.000 They're ripping off accountants. 1.00

02:00:59.000 That's how deep this fucking web... 0.99

02:01:02.000 They're creating non-tangible things to make tangible money. 0.99

02:01:05.000 And they're getting away with it.

02:01:06.000 Somehow or another, they're getting away with it.

02:01:08.000 Instead of fixing and putting in a totally new operating system, they're just putting up new paths and new parts of the registry and new pathways.

02:01:16.000 They talk about that.

02:01:17.000 That's what stifles America's growth in a lot of ways.

02:01:19.000 Like in Japan and China, their internet is just far superior to ours.

02:01:23.000 Is it really?

02:01:24.000 Because we use the pre-existing structure.

02:01:26.000 Yeah, it's super, super fast.

02:01:26.000 They have fiber optics.

02:01:32.000 We have a pre-existing copper and old school wiring.

02:01:35.000 That's why the cable companies and the internet have never really gotten in bed in this country.

02:01:39.000 Everywhere else, that internet TV is normal.

02:01:42.000 Really?

02:01:42.000 To access the web from your TV. They're just starting to really do that now.

02:01:45.000 Sony's released a nice, like it's a 40-incher.

02:01:48.000 Yeah, they got a TV internet thing.

02:01:50.000 It gets everything from your TV. And they should have that.

02:01:52.000 And that technology's been available for 10 fucking years. 0.98

02:01:55.000 They should have been doing that. 0.98

02:01:56.000 I think there's been a lot of resistance.

02:01:58.000 These cable companies know. 0.97

02:01:58.000 Cable companies are big time, like they run a fucking major, you want to talk to some serious con artist, it's a cable company. 0.97

02:02:05.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:02:06.000 Oh, for sure, man.

02:02:07.000 And then the internet popped up. 0.96

02:02:08.000 We already had a pre-existing structure, and so China never had one, so they just built a whole fucking new one. 0.99

02:02:12.000 It's like, look at us. 0.92

02:02:13.000 Like, they laugh at our internet.

02:02:14.000 It's instant.

02:02:15.000 Yeah.

02:02:16.000 Wow.

02:02:16.000 Dude, whenever I do a thread on your message board with, like, speed tests, it's like, I'm all proud of my, you know, whatever, 30 megabyte download connection.

02:02:24.000 You get 30 megs? 0.93

02:02:25.000 Something like that, yeah.

02:02:26.000 Is this the U-verse?

02:02:27.000 AT&T U-verse?

02:02:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:02:28.000 Goddamn, 30 megs? 0.99

02:02:30.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:02:30.000 But then you look at other people's and they're like, 88? 0.97

02:02:34.000 Dude, I remember when I used to play Quake, there was dudes that would get like four ping.

02:02:38.000 Their ping would be like four.

02:02:39.000 I'm like, how is this?

02:02:40.000 Are you in the room with the server?

02:02:41.000 How are you getting four? 0.99

02:02:43.000 They were just on some crazy, fat fucking cable pipe. 1.00

02:02:46.000 When cable internet first came around and everybody else had like ISDN, oh my god, you could get online and rape them. 1.00

02:02:53.000 They were like frozen. 0.97

02:02:54.000 Their shit would be like they'd have 150 ping from like a 56k modem or an ISDN line. 0.99

02:02:59.000 And what ping is is the amount of milliseconds it takes between the actual action and it happening. 1.00

02:03:04.000 Oh.

02:03:05.000 So you would have to lead.

02:03:06.000 Like, if you want to shoot a guy with a railgun, you'd have to assume that he was going to keep running in the same direction.

02:03:09.000 You would actually lead him.

02:03:11.000 So you would aim right in front of him with a railgun, and you'd have to plan in your mind for 150 milliseconds.

02:03:17.000 Oh, wow.

02:03:18.000 Yeah.

02:03:18.000 The guys were really good.

02:03:19.000 There was guys that would kill you. 1.00

02:03:20.000 They would fuck you up, even with a lag, because they became... 0.99

02:03:24.000 They knew how to time the lag, and they knew what weapons were good to deal with the non-specific aiming that you had to employ. 0.99

02:03:32.000 That's pretty damn smart.

02:03:33.000 Dude, it was incredible.

02:03:34.000 You get tuned into it, and you become...

02:03:38.000 One of the things about video games, it's like your fast twitch and your movements and everything, they become in tune with the parameters of the game.

02:03:45.000 Well, they say that that teaches kids skills today.

02:03:47.000 That is helping their motor skills, because I played that Grand Theft Auto, but I never stole cars.

02:03:50.000 I would go play this...

02:03:52.000 The free mode where you can just run around the city and wreak havoc and you start to develop a lifestyle.

02:03:56.000 I became a sniper, a really good one.

02:03:58.000 I was Lee Harvey Oswald and I would snipe people and I was really, really good at it and I would go sit on top of buildings and I would call you on the cell phone because you had the earpiece and the guy would be like, Hello? 1.00

02:04:09.000 Say cheese, motherfucker. 1.00

02:04:10.000 Boom! 1.00

02:04:11.000 I'd off him from a skyscraper.

02:04:13.000 I started living this life.

02:04:15.000 I would get thrills out of it.

02:04:17.000 I'd get excited.

02:04:18.000 I'd be proud of myself.

02:04:19.000 I got really good at flying a helicopter. 0.99

02:04:21.000 It's fucking hard to fly a helicopter. 0.89

02:04:22.000 The best thing I would always do is everybody get in the helicopter. 0.99

02:04:27.000 And then I'd jump out. 1.00

02:04:29.000 I kill them all. 1.00

02:04:31.000 I laugh my ass off. 1.00

02:04:33.000 And you blow them up? 0.94

02:04:34.000 Yeah.

02:04:34.000 They fall from the sky.

02:04:35.000 Oh, you just let them fall from the sky?

02:04:37.000 Yeah, you'll commit suicide, but it's hard to see them because they're working on something. 1.00

02:04:40.000 Because they're like, motherfucker, I was working on something over because it's New York. 1.00

02:04:43.000 It's like I was over in Brooklyn, you take me all the way over here to do this, you fucking dick. 1.00

02:04:47.000 Dude, that shit... 1.00

02:04:48.000 Or you land it on top of the Statue of Liberty. 1.00

02:04:52.000 It's just so fun.

02:04:53.000 You go around exploring, there's no rules, and you just run amok.

02:04:56.000 But after a while, there is an understanding.

02:04:59.000 If you see another dude, sometimes a dude will just come up with beef.

02:05:03.000 Just doing drive-bys on you.

02:05:05.000 You're like, alright.

02:05:06.000 But then sometimes a dude will walk up and want to hang out.

02:05:08.000 Those are the guys you take for a ride.

02:05:10.000 I roll solo. 1.00

02:05:11.000 I'm Charles Bronson in that fucking city. 0.99

02:05:12.000 I ain't hanging out with nobody. 0.99

02:05:14.000 You get in my car, you're going to get got, dude.

02:05:16.000 You're done with. 0.97

02:05:17.000 I'm going to embarrass you. 0.99

02:05:18.000 I jack people. 0.98

02:05:20.000 I have no friends in Liberty City.

02:05:23.000 Poor Matt, the door guy at the comedy store.

02:05:25.000 He's like, hey, let's meet up, man.

02:05:26.000 Give me your code.

02:05:27.000 And I was like, yeah, alright.

02:05:27.000 Let's show right up.

02:05:28.000 And I'm like, boom.

02:05:29.000 Jack.

02:05:31.000 I was like, it's just the way it goes in Liberty City, homie.

02:05:34.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

02:05:35.000 You're a dick. 1.00

02:05:36.000 Dudes get hurt. 1.00

02:05:37.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

02:05:38.000 Why make friends if I can shoot you? 1.00

02:05:42.000 And suffer no repercussions for it. 1.00

02:05:44.000 I got friends in real life, bitch. 1.00

02:05:46.000 I'm a lone wolf in that fucking city, dude. 1.00

02:05:49.000 That's hilarious. 1.00

02:05:50.000 Grab a car, listen to some tunes, go do drive-bys on people, provoke the police.

02:05:53.000 That game is so much fun.

02:05:55.000 Now, do you do this online with a PC or with an Xbox?

02:05:58.000 I do it online with a PS3. I fucking hate game controllers. 0.99

02:06:04.000 You need to get over it. 0.99

02:06:05.000 You need to just play it for a month and you'll get used to it.

02:06:07.000 Oh, you only do it with computers?

02:06:08.000 Mouse and keyboard is better.

02:06:09.000 It's just better, period.

02:06:11.000 I've tried both.

02:06:12.000 I understand the appeal of a little game controller.

02:06:13.000 It is not as specific.

02:06:15.000 Weren't the graphics better on a computer?

02:06:17.000 Yeah, the graphics are better, the resolution is better, but more importantly, when you're in front of the screen, you shouldn't be dealing with, if you really want to pay attention, more than 21 inches.

02:06:26.000 21 inches.

02:06:27.000 You want a small screen.

02:06:28.000 It's not too big, because otherwise your eyes are not going to be able to keep up with everything.

02:06:31.000 You're right about that.

02:06:31.000 And a mouse and a keyboard is way better.

02:06:34.000 You can move much more specifically with a mouse and a keyboard, and a mouse is way more accurate as far as aiming.

02:06:39.000 So in fast twitch games like Quake and Unreal Tournament and all those crazy games...

02:06:43.000 In The Grand Theft Auto.

02:06:44.000 Grand Theft Auto is not like that.

02:06:45.000 Can I get Grand Theft Auto on, computer?

02:06:47.000 You can, but you don't need to do mouse.

02:06:49.000 Grand Theft Auto is not a fast twitch game.

02:06:53.000 Most games aren't.

02:06:55.000 I've gotten so good at the Xbox controller or the PS3 controller that I don't even realize I'm...

02:07:01.000 Yeah, it's secondary to me.

02:07:03.000 The problem is once you've done Quake, once you've experienced this super high adrenaline rush of really high speed, 3D action, death matches, rocket launchers and shotguns and shit, that's all I'm about, bro.

02:07:16.000 I don't want a game where I can walk regular speed.

02:07:20.000 I want a game where I can rocket jump.

02:07:22.000 I want to shoot a rocket at the ground and jump at the same time and go flying through the air.

02:07:26.000 That's badass.

02:07:27.000 That's cool.

02:07:28.000 You need to play so many more games, Joe.

02:07:31.000 Every time you talk about that...

02:07:32.000 I get bored.

02:07:33.000 When you play Deathmatch on Grand Theft Auto...

02:07:35.000 No, you like those other boring... 1.00

02:07:36.000 I like that shit on Grand Theft Auto, that Deathmatch. 1.00

02:07:38.000 Oh, there's a Deathmatch? 1.00

02:07:39.000 There's a Deathmatch.

02:07:39.000 They'll throw 18 people all around the world.

02:07:42.000 All games have Deathmatches.

02:07:43.000 All around the world.

02:07:44.000 And you just... 0.99

02:07:45.000 I love killing somebody I know is real. 0.99

02:07:47.000 I just know somebody I'm... 0.99

02:07:48.000 On the other end.

02:07:49.000 Someone's on the other end.

02:07:50.000 They're really experienced.

02:07:51.000 Yeah, and I got the earpiece and everything. 0.93

02:07:53.000 And I'd go into rooms and be a bunch of teenage boys and be like, Yeah, niggas, who's ready to get killed? 1.00

02:07:59.000 Who is this guy? 1.00

02:08:00.000 Nobody would talk shit to me. 0.99

02:08:02.000 It's amazing how a voice will work. 1.00

02:08:03.000 Nobody would talk shit. 1.00

02:08:04.000 I'd be like, yeah, motherfucker. 1.00

02:08:05.000 How'd that feel? 1.00

02:08:07.000 That's hilarious.

02:08:08.000 I'm 12. I do voices and shit all the time. 0.99

02:08:10.000 It was fucking this one. 0.99

02:08:11.000 So everybody's allowed to talk when you get in a room? 0.99

02:08:13.000 Yeah, everybody can talk.

02:08:14.000 You can mute yourself.

02:08:15.000 You can mute people if they get annoyed.

02:08:16.000 And then you'll hear French.

02:08:17.000 You'll hear Chinese.

02:08:19.000 You'll hear little kids that are fighting with their mom and you're giving them advice.

02:08:22.000 Like, throw her Vagisil at her. 1.00

02:08:23.000 Mom! 1.00

02:08:24.000 And then you'll hear the dismay of somebody when you fuck them up in a deathmatch. 1.00

02:08:28.000 And I was nasty. 1.00

02:08:28.000 You're like, fuck, shit! 1.00

02:08:29.000 I was a grenade expert. 1.00

02:08:31.000 I would hold it, but I'd do a drive by you and drop it at the last second and take off and just fuck your world up. 0.95

02:08:36.000 Battlefield where you just drop a grenade like you're driving. 0.73

02:08:41.000 Yeah, it's so good.

02:08:43.000 I had to stop playing.

02:08:44.000 I had to stop playing to live my life again.

02:08:46.000 I was like, I'm not living my life.

02:08:47.000 Do you remember Robert from the Comedy Store, the manager who got addicted to...

02:08:51.000 Robert Davies?

02:08:52.000 Not World of Warcraft.

02:08:53.000 No, it was the other one.

02:08:54.000 EverQuest.

02:08:54.000 Was it Robert Davies?

02:08:55.000 Yes.

02:08:56.000 You remember Robert?

02:08:56.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:08:57.000 I didn't know he was into that.

02:08:58.000 Famous Robert quote.

02:08:59.000 I say this all the time to people when I talk about people who are addicted to games.

02:09:02.000 We're in the back of the Comedy Store, back by the bar area.

02:09:05.000 And he goes, it's so weird.

02:09:06.000 I'm so successful in my online life, but so unsuccessful in my real life.

02:09:11.000 Because his online life in EverQuest, he was a pimp. 1.00

02:09:14.000 He was like a sorcerer with magic and shit. 1.00

02:09:16.000 That's great. 1.00

02:09:17.000 Yeah, he had like pet dragons in his online life.

02:09:20.000 There was a documentary about those people, The World of Warcraft.

02:09:22.000 Did you see that one?

02:09:23.000 It was amazing.

02:09:25.000 Very dangerous.

02:09:26.000 It's like a bad drug.

02:09:28.000 It's like heroin.

02:09:28.000 I'm like, dudes are having to move out.

02:09:29.000 People have thought that kids starve.

02:09:31.000 Yeah.

02:09:31.000 Because they get addicted with these online role-playing games.

02:09:33.000 I met this hot chick that was like supermodel hot, and I found out that she was addicted to that game like 12 hours a day. 1.00

02:09:39.000 World of Warcraft?

02:09:40.000 Yeah, and it just blew my mind and was like, okay, this game might not be too bad.

02:09:44.000 I would play Grand Theft Auto probably like up to four hours a day and I felt like that was even a waste.

02:09:50.000 It's so cool though to put these headphones on and click and enter into a world where there's a bunch of other people online and it's a gigantic massive arena so you can wander around all these different areas.

02:10:01.000 What's the one that just came out?

02:10:02.000 Bobby Lee keeps trying to get me to get...

02:10:04.000 He plays it all the time.

02:10:06.000 It's Las Vegas.

02:10:07.000 Oh, no.

02:10:09.000 Fallout?

02:10:09.000 Fallout.

02:10:10.000 That's what I'm playing right now.

02:10:11.000 Is that what you're playing?

02:10:12.000 You like that? 1.00

02:10:12.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 1.00

02:10:13.000 Have you played the first one? 0.99

02:10:14.000 The Fallout 3? 1.00

02:10:15.000 Dude, fuck that. 1.00

02:10:16.000 Get Fallout 3 for $19, play that thing, you'll fucking love it and go beat. 1.00

02:10:20.000 Because it's the exact same game, but it's in Vegas.

02:10:22.000 I love Deathmatch and GTA so much, I never felt the need to play another game.

02:10:26.000 And then I heard Medal of Honor is pretty good.

02:10:28.000 What is this Fallout game like?

02:10:29.000 It's more like first-person shooter mixed with a role-playing game, but it's one of these games that, because he likes Grand Theft Auto, it's just an open sandbox, meaning there is tons of different endings.

02:10:40.000 You could either be a good person or a bad guy, but what's cool is just going into these towns, and it's really realistic, and you can go search through people's house.

02:10:48.000 Why don't they do it with a mouse and keyboard?

02:10:49.000 Because everyone's used to the controllers.

02:10:52.000 But it's not as accurate.

02:10:53.000 Yeah, but only a certain amount of games, like Quake, doesn't mean they need to be that accurate.

02:10:59.000 They've actually had game-offs where they've taken people with PC versions of the game and played them against people that used to...

02:11:05.000 Yeah, for Quake.

02:11:05.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:11:06.000 Not just Quake.

02:11:07.000 There's only a certain amount of games that need to be that accurate.

02:11:10.000 Meaning, if you are all playing Battlefield with a controller, there's people that are...

02:11:16.000 Awesome at that controller.

02:11:17.000 What I'm telling you is that you're missing one of the most satisfying parts of the game.

02:11:20.000 Well, yeah, but you're talking statistics and numbers.

02:11:22.000 What is quick?

02:11:23.000 I've never played that.

02:11:24.000 I'm not talking statistics and numbers.

02:11:25.000 I'm talking about the most satisfying part of these third-person shooters is having nasty aim.

02:11:30.000 It's being able to blast dudes.

02:11:31.000 But they make games with the controller in mind, so you can't have nasty aim playing any of these games.

02:11:37.000 But you won't have as good aim as playing with the mouse and the keyboard.

02:11:41.000 When they've played against each other, the mouse and the keyboard people always win.

02:11:45.000 Because it's more accurate.

02:11:46.000 I understand that it's accurate enough.

02:11:48.000 I think it's accurate enough.

02:11:49.000 But if you were playing against a guy who had a mouse and a keyboard, it's not accurate enough.

02:11:51.000 But you're never playing with a guy with a mouse and a keyboard.

02:11:54.000 You're playing other people with controllers.

02:11:55.000 But why would you do that if you know a mouse and a keyboard is more accurate?

02:11:59.000 Listen, man.

02:11:59.000 The whole thing is accuracy in those games.

02:12:02.000 The whole thing is strategy, planning out your map, and then being able to accurately pick a guy off.

02:12:08.000 They designed the game with the controller and accuracy of the controller's limitations in mind.

02:12:13.000 So what you might be playing Quake where you are so...

02:12:16.000 I understand this, Brian.

02:12:17.000 You're repeating yourself.

02:12:18.000 What I'm saying is it doesn't matter to me because I'll always know that the mouse and the keyboard is more accurate.

02:12:23.000 For Quake.

02:12:24.000 No, anytime.

02:12:25.000 It's more accurate.

02:12:26.000 No, no, no.

02:12:27.000 Mouse is a more accurate way of aiming.

02:12:30.000 Period.

02:12:30.000 I bet if you get the best Battlefield 1943 guy versus the best 1943 guy on a computer, I bet there's not going to be a huge difference to where you can go.

02:12:40.000 There's a difference, man.

02:12:41.000 There's a difference.

02:12:41.000 The mouse guys always win.

02:12:43.000 It's more accurate.

02:12:44.000 This is not like an opinion.

02:12:48.000 It's pretty much...

02:12:49.000 It's more accurate.

02:12:49.000 You can measure it on a computer.

02:12:51.000 You're shutting off all games on the console because you don't like the controller.

02:12:54.000 I don't want to get addicted to games, period.

02:12:56.000 Grand Theft Auto has nothing to do with accuracy.

02:12:59.000 But to me, if I'm going to play video games, I'm going to play the most thrilling ones.

02:13:02.000 And the most thrilling ones, to me, are first-person shooters.

02:13:05.000 Deathmatch-style, first-person, like Quake. 0.97

02:13:07.000 Counter-Strike, shit like that. 0.99

02:13:09.000 You're running around shooting. 0.99

02:13:10.000 Mouse and keyboard is the only way to go with those.

02:13:11.000 That's exactly what the deathmatch in Grand Theft Auto, and you have all of New York City as your playground for a deathmatch.

02:13:17.000 I could be totally down with that, though, but I would want to be able to get people with a mouse and a keyboard. 0.99

02:13:22.000 You could snipe people and shit. 0.99

02:13:23.000 Dude, I snipe. 1.00

02:13:25.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:13:26.000 You have to make sure that they're not looking at you.

02:13:28.000 I'm a level 10, dude.

02:13:29.000 I'm Lee Harvey Oswald.

02:13:31.000 When you're playing Quake, you don't get...

02:13:32.000 opportunities dudes don't sit around and just wait to be shot in the head right right everybody's constantly moving oh yeah you have to be very active oh these guys move all the time you go to the airport and have the death match dude i go find a nest somewhere and i just let them run and i'll leave them i'll leave them we call it quake they call it camping like rocket jump up there was like certain crazy trick moves that you can do and one of them was this dude figured out how to double rocket jump right to the top of this tower he would throw a grenade down and then he would rocket jump on the grenade oh that's so he would make sure that the the grenade he timed the grenade

02:14:01.000 he'd clink clink clink and then he would rocket jump as it went off and he would go sailing to the top of this tower was a trick move and then he would just jack people and win the map because you couldn't get him out of there and he would just peck you off of the rails I should go get this today, Quake. 0.99

02:14:14.000 Oh, fuck yeah. 0.95

02:14:15.000 Quake 1, 2, 3, 4. They've all been out for a long time. 0.99

02:14:19.000 You don't want Quake.

02:14:19.000 Get Killzone 2. Have you played that yet?

02:14:20.000 Why do you say you don't want Quake?

02:14:22.000 I want Quake.

02:14:23.000 I love it.

02:14:23.000 Because Killzone 2 is a million times better.

02:14:25.000 There's so many games that are a million times better.

02:14:27.000 To you.

02:14:27.000 You just haven't played them.

02:14:28.000 You just described everything I like.

02:14:30.000 I love Warfare.

02:14:31.000 I just love Warfare.

02:14:32.000 If you love Warfare, you can be tactical.

02:14:34.000 Yes. 0.99

02:14:35.000 One-on-one death matches with Quake are the most fucking thrilling shit you can ever do online. 0.97

02:14:40.000 It's whittled down to one dude online and some before, and it gets real exciting. 0.97

02:14:43.000 Brad, you love different tastes than me.

02:14:45.000 I'm just saying my tastes are different.

02:14:47.000 I'm just saying that they've taken that game and have made it a million times better.

02:14:51.000 You're saying it to you.

02:14:54.000 There's a ton of games there.

02:14:55.000 To me, if it's not a mouse and keyboard, and you don't have that kind of accuracy...

02:14:58.000 You can get these for Mac?

02:15:01.000 Most of these games are for Mac, also.

02:15:03.000 A lot of the Call of Duty.

02:15:04.000 Has Mac caught up?

02:15:06.000 Not really, right?

02:15:07.000 It's alright.

02:15:07.000 EA has been pushing it a little bit better lately.

02:15:09.000 What's a good one I can get for Mac?

02:15:11.000 They all have boot camps.

02:15:12.000 Can I get Quake for Mac?

02:15:13.000 Yes.

02:15:14.000 Is it getting to a point now, though, where most games are just going console?

02:15:17.000 For the most part.

02:15:18.000 I mean, they still release them here and there, but it's not...

02:15:21.000 They're selling a million times more on consoles.

02:15:23.000 Yeah, most consoles are becoming...

02:15:25.000 Just because you can have the best computer and then you get that game and it's awesome, next year you're going to have to do something about your computer if you want it to be as good as a console or whatever.

02:15:33.000 So the console, what they've done is they've just kind of standardized everything and this is what you get and bam, you just set it up.

02:15:38.000 It should be updatable though.

02:15:39.000 Makes sense.

02:15:40.000 Or your computer.

02:15:41.000 You're constantly updating a computer.

02:15:43.000 That's the problem. 0.99

02:15:44.000 Then you get a virus or you get something that slows down your computer and then you're fucked. 0.97

02:15:47.000 Consoles, you know, everything is designed for the console. 0.98

02:15:49.000 Like a Mac is.

02:15:50.000 You know, all the programs are designed for Macs.

02:15:52.000 So it doesn't ever really get slower.

02:15:54.000 Your PS3 is going to be as fast as the first day you get is the last day.

02:15:57.000 PC is like the quake on the way home.

02:15:59.000 You already got me into it. 1.00

02:16:01.000 I love killing people. 1.00

02:16:02.000 So addictive, dude. 0.99

02:16:03.000 Are you good at aiming with a mouse and a keyboard?

02:16:05.000 No, but I can get good at it.

02:16:07.000 I would go online, man, and I would play against dudes who are professionals. 0.97

02:16:10.000 Like, every now and then, dudes who are real professional players would be in these rooms, and you'd go one-on-one deathmatch against these guys and just get raped. 0.93

02:16:18.000 They'll teach you the way.

02:16:19.000 It's like, What kind of control and domination someone can have over you.

02:16:22.000 I always love that.

02:16:23.000 It's so exciting. 1.00

02:16:23.000 Your fucking heart is beating a million miles a minute. 1.00

02:16:26.000 Dude's chasing after you. 1.00

02:16:27.000 You see lightning going right by your head and barely missing you.

02:16:30.000 Dude, I love it.

02:16:31.000 I love urban warfare, too.

02:16:34.000 That's the cool thing about Grand Theft Auto.

02:16:35.000 You can go to different boroughs in New York and stuff.

02:16:38.000 Actually, you can click QuakeLive for free.

02:16:40.000 Just click QuakeLive.com and you can play for free.

02:16:43.000 Really?

02:16:44.000 Yeah, it's a web-based program.

02:16:47.000 It works for Mac, too. 0.96

02:16:48.000 I need you to fucking keep me away from it. 0.99

02:16:50.000 So scary, man. 0.99

02:16:51.000 Quick live, and I'm on, and I'm gaming. 1.00

02:16:53.000 You lose your goddamn life, bro. 1.00

02:16:54.000 They're gonna get you. 1.00

02:16:55.000 No, I love it.

02:16:55.000 They're gonna get you.

02:16:56.000 I love it. 1.00

02:16:56.000 Dude's gonna be hitting you with a chain gun. 1.00

02:16:58.000 Oh, I love it, man. 0.99

02:17:00.000 I love it.

02:17:01.000 I was so nasty in Deathmatch, and the other one, it's like I would come up just to piss somebody off. 0.99

02:17:06.000 I'd stab them to death. 1.00

02:17:07.000 They'd have a gun, and I'd shank them to death just to be a dick. 1.00

02:17:09.000 Brian and I first met, we played online once, and this was like in the height of my quake addiction. 1.00

02:17:15.000 And we only played once.

02:17:18.000 Yeah, he won like 102 times in a row or something.

02:17:22.000 I didn't even win.

02:17:23.000 But to me, that wasn't even like a fun experience.

02:17:27.000 Well, that was because it was unmatched.

02:17:29.000 It wasn't...

02:17:30.000 I played Unreals.

02:17:31.000 I played the Quakes all my life. 0.85

02:17:33.000 But to me, the idea of just run, run, run, kill, kill, die. 0.84

02:17:37.000 Run, run, run, kill, die. 0.71

02:17:38.000 That's not fun to me.

02:17:39.000 I want a little bit more of an adventure, I guess, mixed in with my first-person shooter.

02:17:43.000 Or just not having to start over from scratch every 30 seconds or a minute.

02:17:48.000 Well, normally you don't.

02:17:49.000 Well, we were just...

02:17:50.000 It was not enjoyable for you because we were matched.

02:17:53.000 We were poorly matched.

02:17:54.000 Well, see, the thing is, I don't like tasks.

02:17:57.000 I've never stolen a car and grabbed that off. 0.99

02:17:58.000 I ain't driving anything, bitch. 1.00

02:17:59.000 I don't work for anybody. 1.00

02:18:00.000 I'm here to shoot people. 0.99

02:18:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:18:01.000 I'm here to run down hallways and lightning gun someone to death. 1.00

02:18:05.000 Right. 0.98

02:18:05.000 I'm all about... 0.98

02:18:06.000 I bring nothing but hating people. 1.00

02:18:07.000 I'm here to rocket launch you in the face, bitch. 1.00

02:18:09.000 Yeah, I love that shit. 1.00

02:18:10.000 I'm here to catch you when you're hitting that bouncy pad and jumping through the air. 1.00

02:18:12.000 I want to catch you mid-jump with a rail gun and watch you explode in a spot.

02:18:16.000 Bray of red. 0.95

02:18:17.000 I love that, dude.

02:18:18.000 Red pixels.

02:18:19.000 QuakeLive.com, is that what we're talking about?

02:18:21.000 So much fun.

02:18:22.000 And I can just get on and play for free?

02:18:24.000 It's so much fun!

02:18:25.000 Yeah, I mean, it can lose your life.

02:18:27.000 Since you've never played it, you'll probably like it, but I think you're going to be easily, like, okay.

02:18:32.000 No, no, I think you're just going to be easily bored with it.

02:18:35.000 You're going to be more want...

02:18:36.000 For like the Vegas, Fallout Vegas or something like that.

02:18:38.000 Why would you say that?

02:18:39.000 Why would he be easily bored if he likes deathmatches?

02:18:40.000 Because he likes Grand Theft Auto type games.

02:18:42.000 But he likes deathmatches.

02:18:43.000 But just the deathmatch in Grand Theft Auto.

02:18:45.000 I never do the tasks.

02:18:46.000 I've never done any of the tasks.

02:18:47.000 Right, right, right.

02:18:48.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:18:48.000 But you like the open-end rule.

02:18:49.000 You're not dying every three seconds in Grand Theft Auto.

02:18:51.000 You're collecting weapons.

02:18:52.000 Brian, you only die every three seconds when you play someone who's way better than you.

02:18:56.000 Well, in the deathmatch, you do.

02:18:57.000 If you watch people in the deathmatch of Quake, people are dying at least once every minute or so.

02:19:01.000 Okay, but you're talking...

02:19:02.000 Okay, once every minute, yeah.

02:19:04.000 But you're also talking...

02:19:05.000 Are you talking one-on-one?

02:19:06.000 No, I'm talking about team deathmatch free-for-all, you know?

02:19:11.000 Yeah, if I'm playing a deathmatch in GTA and there's 18 people in it, you're dying about an average a minute.

02:19:17.000 And you're good if you stay alive.

02:19:17.000 If you're going right in the middle of it.

02:19:18.000 To me, I'm like you.

02:19:20.000 I get to collect my weapons.

02:19:22.000 I collect some health.

02:19:23.000 There's some rooms where the moderator only allow rocket launchers.

02:19:27.000 So you have to just basically go around shooting by people's feet.

02:19:29.000 Zero gravity.

02:19:30.000 Yeah.

02:19:31.000 So those ones are cool too, but I like warfare.

02:19:34.000 I like collecting my weapons and getting a grenade and tactically leading somebody into a trap.

02:19:39.000 Well, that's the best thing about Deathmatch and Quake is that you control a map and that the weapons will respawn every 30 seconds.

02:19:45.000 Oh, that's great.

02:19:46.000 So you can keep running around snatching up the rocket launchers as they respawn. 0.99

02:19:50.000 And every time you get them, you get extra rockets and this guy can't get shit. 0.99

02:19:54.000 So he's running around with his gay little pistol. 1.00

02:19:55.000 Oh, sweet. 0.99

02:19:56.000 With only a certain amount of bullets, and you're fully loaded with all the armor.

02:19:59.000 You're timing all the armor.

02:20:01.000 You're timing all the weapon respawns. 0.91

02:20:03.000 You have all your weapons, all your armor, and you're just raping him every time he respawns. 0.81

02:20:06.000 How is it free?

02:20:07.000 How are they making money?

02:20:08.000 Can you pull it up?

02:20:09.000 It's an old game.

02:20:10.000 Quake has been around for a long time.

02:20:13.000 Quake Live is just their way of giving back to the community and making people excited about their game and making it so that it's a cross-platform thing that they can do where it's web-based so they can work on their shit while they develop new games.

02:20:27.000 They work on their ability to make them for the web.

02:20:30.000 Do you still play?

02:20:30.000 Are you still playing?

02:20:31.000 No, it's scary to me.

02:20:32.000 Too scary.

02:20:33.000 I don't want to lose my life.

02:20:34.000 I've talked about it so many times in the podcast, I can't talk about it anymore, but I have a real addiction to games.

02:20:40.000 I get addicted to things.

02:20:41.000 Yeah, me too.

02:20:42.000 We talked about it.

02:20:43.000 How many comics are like us?

02:20:45.000 A lot, right?

02:20:45.000 It's part of it.

02:20:46.000 You have to be. 1.00

02:20:47.000 You have to be a sick fuck to want to go up and make strangers laugh. 1.00

02:20:52.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:20:52.000 To extract an involuntary response for them intermittently. 1.00

02:20:55.000 It's a fucking weird thing. 0.98

02:20:57.000 And risk them not laughing and get through them not laughing and rebound and try it again. 0.98

02:21:01.000 Yeah.

02:21:01.000 You should have seen me.

02:21:02.000 I was in Iowa at the Funny Bone last week, and the Friday night they just stared at us.

02:21:06.000 Just stared at us.

02:21:08.000 And I was like, oh my god, this is going to be a long week.

02:21:10.000 And luckily it was just a different crowd, and the rest of the crowds were great.

02:21:14.000 So much so, in fact, I was very impressed. 0.96

02:21:16.000 I was like, oh, you guys are pretty fucking cool people here.

02:21:20.000 There's a lot of cool people all over the country now because of the internet. 0.68

02:21:22.000 Yeah.

02:21:23.000 Kids are cool now.

02:21:24.000 Just a very cool, and there was no conservative.

02:21:27.000 There's some of the libertarians, which I feel bad for real libertarians, the one that the teabaggers are starting to extract their message, which they're nothing about. 0.79

02:21:35.000 Real libertarians aren't like that at all.

02:21:36.000 But there's some real libertarians out there and some cool guys that talk politics.

02:21:40.000 There's some teabaggers that are real libertarians.

02:21:42.000 Yeah, there are.

02:21:43.000 There's the Ron Pauls of the movement.

02:21:45.000 And I feel bad that they get lumped in with the wrong ones.

02:21:49.000 It's a very, very tricky thing when you start getting a giant group together.

02:21:52.000 Because it's like, okay, who's in this group?

02:21:54.000 Okay, and what are your beliefs? 0.96

02:21:56.000 But you're calling yourself a teabagher too, but you don't like black people?

02:21:58.000 And you think Obama should go back to Africa? 0.97

02:22:01.000 You think he was born in Indonesia, but you're a teabagger too. 1.00

02:22:04.000 So it gets confusing. 0.92

02:22:05.000 Whenever you have a big group, it's like, God damn it, do we have to state what it is to be a teabagger? 1.00

02:22:10.000 You must love everyone indiscriminately. 0.98

02:22:12.000 You must do this.

02:22:13.000 You must do that.

02:22:14.000 You must not be a Civil War reenactor.

02:22:17.000 I mean, Libertarians had theirs pretty well mapped out, though, before.

02:22:20.000 You knew exactly what they stood for.

02:22:22.000 No police states.

02:22:23.000 Isn't it funny, though, that it's such a fringe organization that it's thought of as fringe?

02:22:27.000 Like, oh, I voted Libertarian. 1.00

02:22:28.000 Oh, you fucking idiot. 1.00

02:22:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:22:29.000 And that's the only way to make change, if somebody finally does something and says, fuck this, fuck voting right or wrong, or fuck voting, I'm voting how I feel instead of voting. 1.00

02:22:38.000 Because it's like they were saying when Obama was running, it's like, I liked Ron Paul a lot. 1.00

02:22:41.000 I really liked him.

02:22:42.000 I was like, God, I kind of think I want to vote for this guy.

02:22:44.000 You know, I won't say whether I did or didn't, but it's like I could really...

02:22:47.000 I was more attuned with everything he was saying.

02:22:49.000 Yeah, without a doubt.

02:22:50.000 But we've talked about this before, that they always made him out to be kooks.

02:22:54.000 Everyone on Fox News made him out to be a kook.

02:22:56.000 Everyone on CNN... I mean, that's not impartial reporting.

02:22:59.000 That's not even the news.

02:22:59.000 What they're doing is they were programming us to think that he was a joke candidate.

02:23:03.000 That was the agenda.

02:23:04.000 It really is sad, because when you listen to that man talk, he's...

02:23:06.000 He makes more sense than anybody.

02:23:09.000 He's not a politico.

02:23:11.000 These are not statements or catchphrases. 0.98

02:23:13.000 He'll tell you honestly, and it's like, wow, you'll never get in office because nobody will ever have the balls to pull the trigger on you.

02:23:19.000 It's a real wake-up call whenever there's any political campaigning. 0.98

02:23:22.000 Whenever you look at that crazy lady in Arizona, what is the woman's name? 1.00

02:23:26.000 Jan Brewer. 0.96

02:23:26.000 Yeah, Jan Brewer. 0.96

02:23:27.000 Oh, God. 1.00

02:23:28.000 She made up some crazy shit about her father dying in World War II. Meanwhile, her father's alive. 1.00

02:23:33.000 There was that, and now there's the DUI things popping up. 1.00

02:23:36.000 Yeah, she's fucking crazy. 1.00

02:23:37.000 Crazy. 1.00

02:23:38.000 She made up shit about people losing their headless bodies being found on the Mexican border in America. 1.00

02:23:45.000 You see her phone on her fucking debate, how she just froze? 1.00

02:23:48.000 She stopped for 10 seconds. 1.00

02:23:49.000 I was like, who does that?

02:23:51.000 Who really does that?

02:23:52.000 I wouldn't stop at gunpoint.

02:23:53.000 Well, what it was explained to me was that she was never even elected for that job.

02:23:57.000 She was given that job.

02:23:58.000 Well, when Napolitano left, she was lieutenant governor.

02:24:01.000 She was.

02:24:01.000 And you know what?

02:24:02.000 They will elect her today. 0.56

02:24:03.000 You think so?

02:24:04.000 That's my old hometown, man.

02:24:06.000 I love my people there, and I love springtime in Arizona, but there's some politically backwards.

02:24:11.000 It's gotten more backwards since I've left.

02:24:13.000 It was pretty cool in the 90s.

02:24:14.000 Fife Symington was governor, but...

02:24:16.000 We were in a club in Phoenix, and Brian set me hip to one of the major problems in Phoenix.

02:24:22.000 Do you remember that?

02:24:23.000 This was a long time ago.

02:24:24.000 Many, many years ago. 0.97

02:24:25.000 They were all cocaine vampires. 0.87

02:24:27.000 Oh, yeah. 0.82

02:24:27.000 We were in this club, and I had never done coke before. 0.82

02:24:30.000 And Brian goes, everyone's on coke.

02:24:33.000 He's like, what are you talking about?

02:24:34.000 Everyone.

02:24:35.000 Everyone here's on coke.

02:24:36.000 I go, okay, okay.

02:24:38.000 Tell me how you know they're on coke.

02:24:39.000 And he goes, watch.

02:24:40.000 He goes, you're going to look around.

02:24:41.000 Don't look at it.

02:24:42.000 You're going to look around. 0.98

02:24:42.000 Everyone's going to be touching their nose, and they're all going to be talking, and they're all going to be very excited, and there's going to be a lot of fist pumps and a lot of fucking high fives. 0.98

02:24:49.000 He goes, just look around.

02:24:51.000 And all of a sudden, I looked around, and it was like the opening scene in Blade, where the blood started spraying from the ceiling, and the guy's confused. 0.99

02:24:58.000 Like, what the fuck? 0.99

02:24:59.000 Ah! 1.00

02:25:00.000 He's like, what the hell, man?

02:25:01.000 That's so true, because it's too hot during the day, and they stay in the clubs all night.

02:25:05.000 It's a very strange thing, and it happened in the Old West, even in Wyatt Earp's day.

02:25:10.000 There's just always been this strange outlaw rogue mentality there.

02:25:14.000 Which is cool, but here's a problem with Phoenix.

02:25:16.000 I love Phoenix.

02:25:17.000 I love going back there.

02:25:19.000 The problem with that place is it gets too hot.

02:25:21.000 120 at 2 a.m.?

02:25:22.000 It's too hot.

02:25:23.000 And people stop thinking when it gets that hot.

02:25:25.000 And it really is.

02:25:26.000 And it's something where it's like, you know, I haven't lived there in 10, 11 years.

02:25:28.000 And I could never.

02:25:29.000 I don't know how I lived in it.

02:25:30.000 I don't know how I did it.

02:25:31.000 I don't know how.

02:25:32.000 Extreme heat brings like a lackadaisic mentality.

02:25:36.000 Lackadaisical.

02:25:37.000 You're like, ugh.

02:25:38.000 Yeah, it does.

02:25:38.000 You don't want to do anything.

02:25:39.000 You're like, fuck this. 1.00

02:25:40.000 You just hopscotch from air conditioner to air conditioner. 1.00

02:25:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:25:43.000 That's literally what you do.

02:25:44.000 It's not good.

02:25:45.000 I'd rather have chilly.

02:25:48.000 I'd rather have 30 degrees.

02:25:49.000 I would rather have 30 degrees like Colorado. 0.99

02:25:51.000 It's fucking perfect here, dude. 0.98

02:25:52.000 It's like 75 degrees every day. 0.96

02:25:54.000 It gets hot out here in the valley.

02:25:56.000 It gets hot.

02:25:57.000 It's awesome in Malibu.

02:25:59.000 When you're by the ocean, Santa Monica.

02:26:01.000 With that marine layer and everything.

02:26:01.000 Yeah, because it's never hot.

02:26:03.000 It's never cold.

02:26:04.000 It's always like 70-something degrees.

02:26:05.000 You can always wear shorts in November if you want.

02:26:07.000 That's what's good about the marine layer.

02:26:09.000 It keeps the heat out.

02:26:10.000 It keeps it cool in when it needs to.

02:26:11.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:26:12.000 Until a big rock from the sky hits that bitch and the water comes a thousand miles high towards the rocks. 1.00

02:26:19.000 And I'll be out there looting, son. 0.99

02:26:21.000 Will you be?

02:26:21.000 Yeah, I'll be out there looting.

02:26:22.000 Will you go looting at the first sign of anything going wrong? 1.00

02:26:26.000 Would you put a mask on, or do you think you would just, fuck it, risk those YouTube videos? 0.99

02:26:30.000 I think, you know what I would do is just go completely like Lord of the Flies. 1.00

02:26:35.000 I'd get a crazy haircut.

02:26:36.000 Yeah?

02:26:37.000 Just do everything.

02:26:38.000 One eyebrow maybe off, you know, whatever.

02:26:40.000 Mad Max style?

02:26:41.000 Yeah.

02:26:41.000 Do you ever worry about that?

02:26:42.000 About the end of the society?

02:26:43.000 About everything falling apart?

02:26:45.000 I don't worry about it.

02:26:46.000 I think about it.

02:26:47.000 Like I said earlier, I think if I was part of the last generation, that'd be kind of a cool thing.

02:26:53.000 It would be.

02:26:54.000 It's like, yeah, this generation.

02:26:55.000 What about the last generation? 0.99

02:26:57.000 That's some cool shit. 1.00

02:26:57.000 If we're all dying together... 1.00

02:26:59.000 The last generation, it won't matter because there'll be no one to tell the story to. 0.99

02:27:01.000 But you know what?

02:27:02.000 Exactly.

02:27:02.000 But there's no...

02:27:04.000 There's no kaboom.

02:27:05.000 There's no we end all at once.

02:27:06.000 I think the idea is just like how it's happened before.

02:27:09.000 It's something real bad will happen and then people will die out and replenish after a while.

02:27:13.000 But it'll just be shitty times.

02:27:15.000 Even if nuclear war happens all over the world.

02:27:18.000 It's like we've got it too good right now with refrigerators and cell phones.

02:27:21.000 We've got it wired, dude. 1.00

02:27:22.000 Go to the supermarket Get a big fat steak Pick up some fucking charcoal Come home Light that bitch Kick back Watch a little of the fucking high def TV Watch some HD net fights and shit Have a cold beer out of your refrigerator It's getting better It's just getting better and better It's the greatest time to be alive ever It really is And every day you can say that And so when people say like I won't bring kids into this world Shut up, faggot Shut your mouth. 1.00

02:27:47.000 Would you rather bring them in the fucking King Arthur day and die of smallpox? 1.00

02:27:51.000 Your baby's a witch! 1.00

02:27:52.000 Yeah. 0.94

02:27:53.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:27:53.000 They're fucking beating it with sticks and lightning on fire. 0.99

02:27:55.000 Fuck you. 1.00

02:27:56.000 It's the best time to have people right now. 1.00

02:27:57.000 It's the absolute best time.

02:27:58.000 And speaking of which, not speaking of which, where are you at next?

02:28:03.000 Where are you doing stand-up?

02:28:04.000 I'll be at the Comedy Store locally here in LA this week.

02:28:07.000 Then I'm going to be headlining in La Jolla.

02:28:09.000 What time are your spots?

02:28:10.000 Because you know the Comedy Store.

02:28:12.000 I'm usually on at 10 p.m.

02:28:13.000 between 10 p.m.

02:28:15.000 and 10.45. 1.00

02:28:15.000 There's some times to avoid at that motherfucker. 1.00

02:28:17.000 Yeah, there certainly is. 0.99

02:28:19.000 From 9 o'clock until midnight, it's pretty good.

02:28:23.000 You guys been getting good crowds down there?

02:28:24.000 Yeah, real good crowds.

02:28:25.000 We've joined the 21st century thanks to Alf Lamont.

02:28:28.000 We're online now.

02:28:29.000 Yeah, Alf is cool.

02:28:30.000 He's contacting me on Twitter.

02:28:32.000 I've gone back and forth with him.

02:28:33.000 Seems like he's dedicated to the idea of the store.

02:28:35.000 That's what the store always needs.

02:28:37.000 It needs someone to come along that believes in the whole message of it.

02:28:39.000 Sure.

02:28:40.000 And there really isn't a whole lot to do.

02:28:42.000 Mitzi's on it.

02:28:43.000 Yeah.

02:28:44.000 It's like Aunt Bethany in Christmas Vacation.

02:28:47.000 Is the house on fire clock?

02:28:50.000 How many conversations do you have with Tommy on a regular? 1.00

02:28:55.000 What's the most ridiculous shit he's ever said to you? 1.00

02:28:58.000 Um... 1.00

02:29:01.000 Well, my favorite thing about it is it's not even like people are like, he's racist.

02:29:05.000 He's not really racist. 1.00

02:29:06.000 He just believes some crazy shit. 1.00

02:29:09.000 Like what? 1.00

02:29:10.000 Like if somebody does something, they'll be like, oh, it's because they're German. 1.00

02:29:13.000 I'd be like, I don't care.

02:29:14.000 I don't care.

02:29:15.000 It's because they're Protestant. 0.76

02:29:16.000 It's like, how do you even know?

02:29:18.000 You know, it's just like he's a very interesting character.

02:29:21.000 Him and Johnny Zapp, you know there's characters up there that you'll never forget as long as you live. 0.90

02:29:26.000 It's a magnet for crazy people.

02:29:28.000 It really is, and it's like a beacon for them on the Sunset Strip. 0.79

02:29:31.000 They would never try to walk into another business.

02:29:34.000 They wouldn't walk into the Andas next door.

02:29:36.000 They wouldn't try that at the House of Blues.

02:29:38.000 They come right to the store.

02:29:39.000 It's a magnet.

02:29:40.000 And they know they can go to the very back and come out without being hassled.

02:29:43.000 They know.

02:29:44.000 They know.

02:29:44.000 Robert William Approvise.

02:29:45.000 He has fucking plastic bags popping out of his clothes. 0.99

02:29:48.000 You see him hanging out there. 1.00

02:29:48.000 He insulates his body with plastic bags because he's got to walk like 10 miles to get to the comedy store. 1.00

02:29:53.000 I saw him like last week and he was talking to Tommy and I was like, I just went to go like, hey, good to see you.

02:29:59.000 You can't touch him.

02:30:01.000 He freaked out.

02:30:03.000 He'll start yiping like a dog.

02:30:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

02:30:06.000 Yeah, he's nuts. 0.98

02:30:06.000 I heard he played basketball at UCLA. Yeah? 0.98

02:30:10.000 I heard he was quite brilliant.

02:30:11.000 Really?

02:30:12.000 I heard he was just brilliant.

02:30:13.000 I mean, I shouldn't...

02:30:14.000 He may have some sort of a mind disorder.

02:30:17.000 He was a brilliant dude.

02:30:17.000 And now he's living like downtown in the Alexandria Hotel.

02:30:20.000 He just went nuts.

02:30:21.000 It's like schizophrenia got him. 0.98

02:30:23.000 Because you can tell, you can have a conversation with him.

02:30:26.000 I have.

02:30:26.000 Brian was just talking about another guy that we know that went nuts.

02:30:29.000 Yeah, it just seems – no.

02:30:30.000 Why not?

02:30:31.000 Because that's not as personal.

02:30:33.000 But I think it's weird how if you look at comics in general, there's a big part of these comics that they do end up losing their minds.

02:30:42.000 They do end up going through huge things of depression and getting into hardcore drugs.

02:30:49.000 Well, it's a crazy ride, man, the ride of needing to constantly be up and on that stage and constantly be pumping it out and turning it on for people. 0.86

02:30:58.000 It's a very delicate balance, and you have to balance out your ego with your imagination, with your desire to please people, with your desire to make yourself – You have to figure out what the fuck you're doing this for, why you're doing it. 0.52

02:31:10.000 You have to figure out why bits aren't working.

02:31:13.000 You've got to figure out why they're not liking you. 0.99

02:31:16.000 There's a lot of shit going on. 0.99

02:31:17.000 It's a lot of stress for a lot of people, and some of them just can't handle it after a while. 0.99

02:31:21.000 The very need for it in the first place usually...

02:31:24.000 it usually signifies something went wrong in their childhood oh absolutely i would say that yeah i would say that that you know my dad didn't play ball with me that's why i'm a comedian yeah that's exactly why i need the attention of people you know everybody right all of us and have you ever met anybody that's any good that isn't like that yeah or that had a great upbringing and it's like yeah childhood was great and it's one of the reasons why you know we can identify with each other It's one of the reasons why we appreciate each other and respect each other in a way that, like even when I was talking about Marc Maron earlier, I like Marc.

02:31:53.000 I don't have a problem with Marc.

02:31:55.000 But if I saw Marc in Germany, if I was going through the airport in Germany and all of a sudden I ran into Marc, I'd be genuinely happy to see him.

02:32:03.000 Right.

02:32:04.000 Somebody of your ilk.

02:32:05.000 Not only is he of my ilk, he's like one of me.

02:32:08.000 Right.

02:32:08.000 You know what I mean?

02:32:08.000 We might be different, but we're both comics.

02:32:11.000 Right.

02:32:11.000 There might be a thousand of us in the whole country.

02:32:14.000 For real.

02:32:15.000 Yeah.

02:32:15.000 I mean, if you look at all the comedians in this country, all the professional comedians, there's 300 million plus people and Mexicans.

02:32:21.000 Right.

02:32:21.000 Okay, so who knows how many that really is.

02:32:23.000 300 million plus people, and out of them, maybe 1,000 of them are professional comedians.

02:32:28.000 Add that 1,000 comedians, maybe...

02:32:31.000 How many are headliners?

02:32:32.000 Are there 300?

02:32:33.000 Are there 500?

02:32:34.000 Is there even that many?

02:32:36.000 It's a very exclusive group.

02:32:37.000 That's a nutty number, man.

02:32:39.000 500 people.

02:32:40.000 That's pretty amazing.

02:32:40.000 We're just throwing that off the top of our head, but I think it's probably pretty accurate.

02:32:43.000 You're probably dead right about that, because we live in comedy cities.

02:32:46.000 Yeah.

02:32:47.000 When people meet a comedian outside of L.A. or something, it's like meeting an astronaut to them.

02:32:51.000 They don't know what it's about.

02:32:53.000 Totally.

02:32:53.000 You know, here...

02:32:54.000 The comedy community in Indianapolis.

02:32:56.000 When I was in Indianapolis, I hung out with some dudes that were local comics there.

02:32:59.000 It's nice to see.

02:33:00.000 It's nice to know that there's a little amateur community.

02:33:03.000 I go, what else do you do around here?

02:33:04.000 Oh, there's a bar that does comedy on Tuesday night.

02:33:06.000 There's this place.

02:33:07.000 This guy runs a room.

02:33:09.000 They're trying to develop some little comedy community.

02:33:11.000 They got to go, and Iowa has it, too.

02:33:13.000 When I was there, they had a little community going.

02:33:14.000 He's like, you got any advice? 1.00

02:33:15.000 I go, get the fuck out of Iowa. 0.99

02:33:17.000 Yeah! 1.00

02:33:17.000 But it's not bad to start out in a place that sucks. 1.00

02:33:20.000 It's not bad. 0.97

02:33:20.000 And you know what? 0.97

02:33:21.000 The Midwest, they have some great clubs, some funny bones.

02:33:23.000 They're always good.

02:33:24.000 And I always feel the need to support those clubs, too, and come back and do those clubs.

02:33:28.000 I try to do all the cool little clubs.

02:33:31.000 I love going back and doing the Punchline Atlanta.

02:33:34.000 You ever do the Punchline Atlanta?

02:33:35.000 I've never been. 0.99

02:33:36.000 Oh, it's a fucking... 0.99

02:33:37.000 Beautiful club. 1.00

02:33:38.000 Perfect size.

02:33:39.000 It's got wood paneling, ancient photographs.

02:33:41.000 I mean, it hasn't changed a nick.

02:33:43.000 Isn't it the underground? 0.99

02:33:44.000 Brian went up during a fucking UFC night. 0.99

02:33:47.000 He hadn't done comedy in years, okay? 0.99

02:33:50.000 And we were smoking weed, and we were drunk, and we were like, you want to do some comedy tonight?

02:33:54.000 Oh, what?

02:33:55.000 Tonight? 1.00

02:33:56.000 Tonight in this fucking crowd? 1.00

02:33:57.000 Come on, dude. 1.00

02:33:58.000 Just get up there and do it.

02:33:59.000 He goes, alright, let me try to remember my stuff.

02:34:02.000 He hasn't done comedy.

02:34:03.000 How long have you not done comedy?

02:34:04.000 Three or four years.

02:34:05.000 Three or four years.

02:34:06.000 And he only did it like ten times before that.

02:34:08.000 And this was a midnight UFC crowd at the Punchline Atlanta.

02:34:11.000 But that's how good the Punchline is. 0.99

02:34:14.000 That a midnight fucking crowd on a UFC night where there were just savages in the audience. 1.00

02:34:20.000 And he could still go out and kill. 1.00

02:34:21.000 Oh, that's great, dude. 1.00

02:34:23.000 It's a fucking classic club. 0.99

02:34:24.000 Perfect size. 1.00

02:34:25.000 Great owners too.

02:34:26.000 Great setup.

02:34:27.000 I like how they have this little balcony.

02:34:29.000 Comedy Works in Denver.

02:34:30.000 That's another one. 1.00

02:34:31.000 Fucking epic place. 1.00

02:34:33.000 Epic little club. 1.00

02:34:34.000 This weekend I'm doing the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin.

02:34:38.000 You ever do that?

02:34:39.000 Oh! 0.60

02:34:40.000 One of the best clubs ever! 0.99

02:34:43.000 God damn, it's one of the best clubs ever. 0.99

02:34:45.000 God damn, this place is, in my opinion, the most exciting place to perform in the whole country. 0.99

02:34:52.000 There's something about Austin and this Cap City has been around forever. 0.99

02:34:58.000 They love the arts in Austin.

02:35:01.000 They do They're just big supporters of the arts They super appreciate good comedy too Because Hicks had like a big base in Austin There's a lot of really good local comics in Austin It's a lot of really smart artists Yeah, they have a scene Sixth Street They definitely have a kick-ass scene there Do you do Cap City?

02:35:19.000 You ever do that?

02:35:19.000 No, I haven't.

02:35:20.000 Oh, son.

02:35:22.000 You gotta go there.

02:35:23.000 I gotta, you know, locally, it's like, obviously the store.

02:35:27.000 Are you ever gonna come back to the store, you think?

02:35:28.000 No.

02:35:29.000 You're a man of your word, I'll say.

02:35:30.000 You vowed you wouldn't.

02:35:32.000 I'll say, fella.

02:35:33.000 You're never coming back to Ciro's, huh? 0.99

02:35:35.000 Listen, cocksucker, I've been there before. 1.00

02:35:37.000 Been there, done that. 1.00

02:35:37.000 Moving on. 1.00

02:35:38.000 Sure.

02:35:39.000 Get your shoes shined over there.

02:35:40.000 It would be an affront.

02:35:42.000 It would be a travesty.

02:35:43.000 It would be...

02:35:44.000 I could not do it.

02:35:45.000 They did everything that does not stand for comedy, they stood for.

02:35:49.000 Everything that they should have been fighting against, they embraced.

02:35:53.000 The hackery.

02:35:54.000 Not just that. 1.00

02:35:55.000 The fact that I fucking worked for those assholes for free. 1.00

02:35:58.000 My name was on the marquee every weekend. 1.00

02:35:59.000 I promoted them on my MySpace page just to keep that place open.

02:36:02.000 You were the only reason I could leave my shirt not inside out. 0.88

02:36:04.000 Like, when I worked the booth there, I was so fucking embarrassed about that lineup.

02:36:08.000 Like, you were the only saving grace, and dare I even say Eddie Griffin if he was intact. 0.57

02:36:12.000 It was some dark, dark years, man.

02:36:15.000 Like, there was a girl who would eat the matzo and the crumbs, and there was the dingle. 0.99

02:36:20.000 There was so many people there that didn't work anywhere else. 0.97

02:36:25.000 And Mitzi gave them a fucking Friday, Saturday night spots in the prime. 1.00

02:36:29.000 Like, people would come up and be like, do you work here? 0.99

02:36:31.000 I'd be like, no.

02:36:32.000 No, I don't.

02:36:32.000 Dude, we had Renna Zizi on.

02:36:34.000 He said the exact same thing.

02:36:35.000 It's so embarrassing.

02:36:36.000 It's like, you're just like, please, Joe, put Joe on, put Joe on.

02:36:39.000 I would lie to guys.

02:36:40.000 Guys would come up and be like, am I on?

02:36:41.000 I was like, no, you're not.

02:36:42.000 Actually, Mitzi called and said, we've got to put Joe on now.

02:36:45.000 It was just so bad.

02:36:48.000 And I would look people in the face and tell them, what was it, like $10 at the time?

02:36:52.000 But I'd make them come in there and pay, and they'd be like, when's the comedy going to start?

02:36:55.000 Now, I'll give them the credit.

02:36:56.000 It's young guys.

02:36:57.000 It's relevant people.

02:36:58.000 You got some upcoming guys.

02:36:59.000 Yeah.

02:37:00.000 There's Steve.

02:37:01.000 There's Al.

02:37:02.000 There's Steve Byrne.

02:37:03.000 There's Ari.

02:37:05.000 There's a lot of guys who I would say, you're getting a good show.

02:37:09.000 And there's this new crop of guys, too.

02:37:11.000 Bobby Lee and I were talking about this.

02:37:12.000 They don't quite mind their P's and Q's all the time.

02:37:14.000 They don't understand the hierarchy there, that you're not even allowed to look at me.

02:37:18.000 Yeah.

02:37:18.000 You know what I mean?

02:37:19.000 Because Bobby gets real bent out of shape about that. 1.00

02:37:21.000 He's like, fuck the new guy. 1.00

02:37:22.000 I fucking hate that fucking new guy. 1.00

02:37:23.000 He fucking looked at me. 1.00

02:37:25.000 Get out of here. 1.00

02:37:26.000 Does he really want to have a hierarchy?

02:37:29.000 Are you serious? 0.99

02:37:30.000 He's like, these guys are not allowed to fucking talk to me. 0.98

02:37:33.000 I was laughing at him because this guy is the nicest guy in the world that he's talking about. 0.98

02:37:37.000 Everybody likes this new guy.

02:37:38.000 Comics get like that, man.

02:37:39.000 I had a lot of comics when I was coming up that had been around before that would give you advice and a solo...

02:37:43.000 Yeah.

02:37:44.000 When you get to fucking get two years in the business, then tell me what you think's funny. 0.97

02:37:48.000 Okay, kid? 0.98

02:37:48.000 Right, right, right. 0.98

02:37:49.000 Like, well, meanwhile, dude, you suck. 1.00

02:37:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:37:50.000 How about that? 1.00

02:37:51.000 Yeah.

02:37:51.000 How about you're never going to be funny?

02:37:52.000 Yeah.

02:37:53.000 That's the thing, too.

02:37:53.000 I used to hate...

02:37:54.000 I remember when I started there, there was these...

02:37:55.000 Like, Frankie Pace was still hanging around.

02:37:57.000 Oh, bitter.

02:37:57.000 You want to talk about...

02:37:59.000 Bitter!

02:38:00.000 Bitter!

02:38:03.000 He was angry at everybody.

02:38:04.000 Look at this guy. 1.00

02:38:05.000 He's got a fucking deal. 1.00

02:38:07.000 He's on TV. What about me? 1.00

02:38:09.000 You know who's doing that now is Kravitz.

02:38:10.000 Steve Kravitz?

02:38:12.000 I heard he took a long time off.

02:38:14.000 He did.

02:38:14.000 And then he started coming back to comedy recently.

02:38:16.000 He's been coming back.

02:38:16.000 And we were always friendly with each other.

02:38:18.000 I still am friendly with him. 0.96

02:38:18.000 But he's just a bitter, bitter guy. 0.96

02:38:20.000 And that's a real bad thing in comedy.

02:38:22.000 It's the worst. 0.96

02:38:22.000 I've noticed, you know, I seldom shit on other comics because, one, I'm not watching them. 0.96

02:38:27.000 And two, I don't care. 0.89

02:38:28.000 The thing is, the Carlos thing needed to be addressed. 0.99

02:38:30.000 People shit on Dane Cook. 0.98

02:38:31.000 He's never taken anything from me in my life. 1.00

02:38:33.000 Dane is not a bad person.

02:38:34.000 He's never taken anything from me in my life.

02:38:36.000 What Dane did, he made some unfortunate choices, and he's a super ambitious guy, and he's a powerful, motivated dude.

02:38:44.000 It's no accident he is who he is.

02:38:46.000 People would be like, I'll meet these guys, these young open muggers, like, screw Dane Cook.

02:38:49.000 I'm like, I was here ten years ago when that guy was still grinding.

02:38:55.000 And I've never met a comedian who worked that hard.

02:38:58.000 Do you have to like his comedy?

02:38:59.000 No, I don't like it.

02:38:59.000 But is he a comedian?

02:39:01.000 Yeah, he's a comedian.

02:39:02.000 The difference between him and Minstelia was so evident.

02:39:05.000 I'm glad that was pointed out, too, because even when he was on your show, he was like, look, I am not him, and I do not deserve to be put into that category.

02:39:17.000 What happened with Minstilium 2 was this crazy thing where he would go on in front of guys and do their material.

02:39:22.000 Do you remember when he did that Loco thing and he went in front of Johnny Sanchez?

02:39:27.000 He did his closing bit before he brought him up.

02:39:29.000 He would do that to people all the time. 1.00

02:39:31.000 He would just gank shit and do it in front of you. 1.00

02:39:34.000 And it was like an in-your-face, look what I just got away with. 1.00

02:39:36.000 It was like some sort of badass thing.

02:39:40.000 Bully. 0.70

02:39:41.000 Yeah, it's a very mindfuck thing. 0.99

02:39:42.000 I remember Maren pointed it out. 0.82

02:39:44.000 He said, like, you know, tell me about your first comedy experience.

02:39:46.000 I went and bought a book of jokes, he said.

02:39:49.000 And then I went and told him.

02:39:50.000 Well, that Maren thing, that was the most disappointing thing.

02:39:52.000 It's one of the reasons why.

02:39:53.000 I mean, like I said, I don't hate Maren.

02:39:54.000 He's a good guy.

02:39:55.000 He's trying to do the right thing with his life. 0.99

02:39:57.000 But he said about this Mencia thing that me and him on stage was two bullies arguing over bullshit. 0.99

02:40:03.000 Mm-hmm. 0.98

02:40:03.000 I'm like, man, you know, that's not fair. 0.98

02:40:05.000 Because I didn't want this to happen, and the only reason it happened in the first place was to get Moron called me up on stage.

02:40:11.000 He actually got on stage, took the microphone, and called me up on stage.

02:40:14.000 Got on stage, took it from a guy who was on stage who I brought up.

02:40:17.000 And so I was like, look, if you want to do this, I'll do this.

02:40:19.000 Like, I'm not scared of you.

02:40:21.000 Like, if you want to call me out in front of a room full of people that I just performed for, and you want to continue this, okay.

02:40:25.000 If you have the microphone, okay.

02:40:27.000 You don't deserve to have the microphone.

02:40:28.000 You're not even supposed to be on stage.

02:40:29.000 But if you want to do that and you've just hijacked the show, I'll go up there and we'll figure out where this goes.

02:40:34.000 And that's what it was to me.

02:40:35.000 If it wasn't for Brian and Brian's editing skills, it would have never even hit the air.

02:40:39.000 I didn't even know he was in the room when it happened.

02:40:41.000 You know what's crazy is before that even happened, he knew who I was and hated me because I had earlier made this other Carlos Mencia video that was not successful at all.

02:40:51.000 But I had made this video, and I remember he walked past me, stopped right next to me, looked at me, and chicken-necked me.

02:40:57.000 And that was something only bullies did in elementary school.

02:41:00.000 When you go up to somebody and you flinch your face right into their face, like, woo, you know, like that.

02:41:05.000 No, he did that?

02:41:06.000 Yeah, that was like a week before that. 0.89

02:41:07.000 He was so crazy.

02:41:08.000 He chest checked me. 0.60

02:41:10.000 I was on the way off the stage before he went on stage and took the microphone away from this guy.

02:41:14.000 He stood in front of me and like chest checked me.

02:41:16.000 I can't believe he did that. 1.00

02:41:17.000 And I was like, bitch, are you crazy? 1.00

02:41:20.000 Of course he hasn't. 1.00

02:41:21.000 And I was like, I will end your life with my bare hands right here. 0.95

02:41:24.000 You know, he started drinking. 0.98

02:41:26.000 Did he?

02:41:26.000 Yeah.

02:41:27.000 Did you know that?

02:41:27.000 Are you serious?

02:41:28.000 He's like 40-something.

02:41:29.000 He just started.

02:41:30.000 Wow.

02:41:31.000 I heard this on Marin's podcast.

02:41:33.000 This is the reason why I can't go back to the store.

02:41:37.000 They supported that guy.

02:41:38.000 They embraced that guy.

02:41:39.000 He can still go anytime he wants.

02:41:42.000 They set the worst example ever for the art.

02:41:45.000 And if there was one club who should be governing of that.

02:41:48.000 It was a personal thing.

02:41:50.000 It wasn't Mitzi's choice because I had spoke to Mitzi an hour before it happened.

02:41:54.000 You were doing that on behalf of all the guys.

02:41:56.000 He wasn't stealing from you.

02:41:57.000 You were doing it on behalf of us.

02:41:58.000 He wasn't stealing from me because I was so vocal about it.

02:42:01.000 I knew it was coming.

02:42:02.000 And he did He did steal from me a bunch of times on the road.

02:42:05.000 I got calls from guys who opened for him all over the country.

02:42:09.000 I'd get calls from guys who went to see him in Houston.

02:42:11.000 He was doing my bits.

02:42:12.000 He was. 1.00

02:42:13.000 He was doing everybody's shit. 0.99

02:42:14.000 It wasn't just what you saw on the DVDs. 1.00

02:42:16.000 It was every fucking night he performed, he was doing people's shit. 1.00

02:42:19.000 That exposed him that night. 1.00

02:42:20.000 I can't believe I was there.

02:42:21.000 Dude, it had to be done, right?

02:42:23.000 I mean, it had to be done.

02:42:24.000 But that's what pissed me off about what Maren said. 1.00

02:42:26.000 It's two bullies arguing over bullshit. 0.99

02:42:28.000 Like, look, man, I might be a loud dude, and I might be aggressive, and I might be overly aggro, but I'm not a bully. 0.99

02:42:36.000 Yeah, you were championing us.

02:42:38.000 If you're a nice person, I'm going to be so nice to you. 0.93

02:42:41.000 If you're a nice guy, I'm fucking for sure nice back. 1.00

02:42:44.000 But if you're a dickhead to me, I'm going to be a bigger dick back. 0.99

02:42:46.000 Yeah, and with that guy it wasn't even a matter of a bullying thing was like we have a fucking criminal in our midst Yeah, and it's being supported by all the substructure It's being supported by all the club managers and supported by the the agents who are profiting off this guy running around stealing people shit It's not like one guy like a Robin Williams who like occasionally he'll blurt out someone's material We're talking about a guy who's just straight ganking people, right? 0.99

02:43:10.000 It was a totally different sort of a situation. 0.70

02:43:12.000 If you weren't there all the time like I was and you were, you wouldn't see how horrible it was.

02:43:18.000 It was the worst atmosphere for creativity you could ever imagine, where everyone was worried and we used to have to light the fucking light up when the dude walked into the room.

02:43:27.000 You lit that light.

02:43:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:43:29.000 How many times did you light that light?

02:43:30.000 Yeah, a lot.

02:43:31.000 I knew when he was coming. 0.99

02:43:32.000 He was working the fucking cover booth. 1.00

02:43:33.000 Freddie was working the cover booth. 0.99

02:43:35.000 And when Mencia would come in, guys would need that light flashed for them to know that that guy was in the room.

02:43:40.000 Know that Mencia was there.

02:43:41.000 That is so dark.

02:43:43.000 It's amazing when you can okay that with yourself to steal. 0.97

02:43:46.000 It would make comedy really fucking easy. 0.84

02:43:47.000 Well, it's more amazing that the clubs allowed it. 0.96

02:43:50.000 Yeah, I know.

02:43:50.000 It's not amazing that one person's crazy.

02:43:52.000 Right. 0.96

02:43:52.000 What's amazing is that these clubs go, we can make money off this crazy person. 0.96

02:43:55.000 It's fucking... 0.99

02:43:56.000 Not even just the clubs, but it's like it's all of us too. 1.00

02:43:59.000 Somebody should have said something more about it.

02:44:01.000 It took you to say something.

02:44:03.000 But you know what?

02:44:04.000 Everyone says it like, hey, you did it.

02:44:05.000 You called him out.

02:44:06.000 It was a total random moment.

02:44:08.000 It didn't have to happen.

02:44:10.000 It wasn't planned out.

02:44:11.000 It was just, what he did is he played on my ego. 1.00

02:44:15.000 He's like, you don't have the balls. 0.99

02:44:16.000 Get up here. 1.00

02:44:16.000 I don't know if it was suicide by cop. 1.00

02:44:18.000 I don't know what it was.

02:44:19.000 It might have been.

02:44:20.000 Because he had to know that this was going to end ugly.

02:44:22.000 What are you going to do?

02:44:23.000 Are you going to intimidate me?

02:44:24.000 What are you going to do?

02:44:24.000 Are you going to be wrong?

02:44:25.000 Yeah.

02:44:26.000 He was so confident. 0.90

02:44:27.000 This is how I knew he was crazy.

02:44:28.000 When I went on stage, he was so confident. 0.99

02:44:29.000 You know, what the fuck have I ever stole? 0.99

02:44:31.000 When he was saying that to me, he was so confident. 0.99

02:44:33.000 I was like, oh my god, am I crazy?

02:44:34.000 Yeah.

02:44:35.000 Did I make all this up?

02:44:35.000 He's good at it.

02:44:36.000 Am I a hater?

02:44:37.000 Have my whole philosophy of him just been formed by my own jealousy?

02:44:41.000 Right.

02:44:41.000 So then I started naming bits.

02:44:43.000 And then as I was naming bits, I just watched him fall apart.

02:44:45.000 He sat down on the stage.

02:44:46.000 His eyes were cracked.

02:44:48.000 Glass was shattering in his eyes. 0.99

02:44:50.000 He was seeing the sunlight coming in and killing the vampire.

02:44:53.000 And then he sat down on the stool.

02:44:55.000 And then it became ugly.

02:44:56.000 And then the audience turned on him.

02:44:57.000 And then at the end, the crazy thing was, after I got off stage, it was like a half an hour berating him and just exposing what he does and what's wrong with what he does.

02:45:06.000 And you're not an artist. 1.00

02:45:06.000 You're a fucking minor bird. 1.00

02:45:08.000 And you repeat things that other people say. 1.00

02:45:09.000 And you do it.

02:45:10.000 You take credit for their work.

02:45:11.000 You don't even understand what comedy is. 1.00

02:45:13.000 You don't even understand the fucking language because you never learned it. 1.00

02:45:15.000 Because all you do is repeat what other people say. 1.00

02:45:16.000 You're a person speaking a language you don't understand literally. 0.98

02:45:20.000 The audience is going crazy. 1.00

02:45:21.000 So this asshole is so nuts. 1.00

02:45:22.000 He wants to perform after this. 1.00

02:45:25.000 He went on...

02:45:26.000 Do you remember that?

02:45:26.000 Yeah, I remember that.

02:45:26.000 He tried to do comedy.

02:45:28.000 He tried to do comedy.

02:45:29.000 For like 10 minutes!

02:45:31.000 I actually have lost footage of that where people were going...

02:45:33.000 While he was doing a set.

02:45:37.000 And he kept going...

02:45:38.000 And then when he walked out, it was like the end of Friday or something.

02:45:41.000 Like, Debo just got beat up and everybody was getting their kicks in. 1.00

02:45:44.000 Like, fuck you, Carlos. 1.00

02:45:45.000 Everybody did. 1.00

02:45:47.000 And then when I got the boot, man, he came back around on everybody.

02:45:50.000 I can't believe you did that to me, man.

02:45:52.000 He pulled me and Renazisi aside.

02:45:54.000 He's like, bro!

02:45:55.000 Wow.

02:45:55.000 I was like, what do you want?

02:45:57.000 And then me and Steve asked him honestly.

02:45:59.000 We're like, then tell us about this bit.

02:46:01.000 Tell us about that bit.

02:46:02.000 And just like with Maren, he has...

02:46:03.000 They should have...

02:46:04.000 The comedy store should have...

02:46:07.000 Comedy Shore.

02:46:08.000 Oh, yeah.

02:46:09.000 Hello, Freud.

02:46:10.000 That's what it's going to be after Mitzi dies.

02:46:12.000 Paulie's going to rename it.

02:46:13.000 What they should have done is they should have stepped in and even if they wanted to keep me banned because I was filming there and they don't want me filming, that's fine.

02:46:19.000 But you've got to make sure you don't have him headlined the next weekend and you don't get on stage and say, this is my guy.

02:46:25.000 I'm with Carlos, which is what he did. 0.79

02:46:29.000 What they did was support the worst vampire in the business and let everybody feel helpless and let everybody know that even though you are successful and you do have things going on, you can still get your life fucked with by somebody who's more successful. 1.00

02:46:42.000 And you can see that there are people that really do try to sabotage your career if you expose someone for being a piece of shit and a thief. 1.00

02:46:48.000 And someone who's in direct... 1.00

02:46:52.000 Opposition of what this art form is supposed to be all about, which is you creating and forming your own shit and bringing it out on stage and people appreciating your work. 0.86

02:47:00.000 Did you ever talk after that? 0.97

02:47:01.000 You were with Gersh at the time, weren't you?

02:47:03.000 Yeah.

02:47:03.000 I'm still friends with my agent at the time.

02:47:07.000 I don't even want to mention his name because he's a good guy. 0.98

02:47:08.000 He fucked up and he got in a bad situation and they made him choose. 0.99

02:47:12.000 The agency made him choose between Carlos and me. 1.00

02:47:14.000 And they only had me for stand-up comedy.

02:47:16.000 They had him for stand-up comedy and television and film.

02:47:18.000 And so they were making more money off of him than I was, and they wanted me to either apologize to him or they were going to have to let me go.

02:47:24.000 Did you guys ever talk again?

02:47:26.000 I ran into him.

02:47:27.000 We were on a flight once, and we sat next to each other.

02:47:29.000 We were flying to...

02:47:31.000 You and Mencia?

02:47:32.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.

02:47:33.000 My agent.

02:47:33.000 No, that's what I meant, Mencia.

02:47:35.000 Have you ever seen that one?

02:47:36.000 I got nothing to say to that, dude.

02:47:37.000 That's a great movie.

02:47:37.000 I got nothing to say to him.

02:47:39.000 And he knows everything he's going to say to me is not going to be real anyway.

02:47:42.000 It's just going to be noise to try to make everything better, and that's not going to happen.

02:47:46.000 Yeah.

02:47:47.000 He's going to just come over and try to groom me like the little beta monkey trying to pick little bugs off the alpha.

02:47:52.000 He's going to come over and try to be nice to me.

02:47:54.000 And I'm going to go, come on, man.

02:47:55.000 Let me groom.

02:47:56.000 While you're still doing this, I can't talk to you.

02:47:58.000 Good luck with your life. 0.99

02:48:00.000 Freddie motherfucking Lockhart. 1.00

02:48:02.000 You're a bad dude. 0.99

02:48:03.000 You're a kick-ass comedian.

02:48:04.000 You're a cool guy.

02:48:05.000 And I'm glad we finally got you on the podcast.

02:48:06.000 Dude, thanks for having me, man. 0.93

02:48:08.000 I fucking appreciate it. 0.92

02:48:08.000 Thank you very much, man. 0.92

02:48:09.000 Anytime.

02:48:09.000 More than welcome to come back, man.

02:48:10.000 You were awesome.

02:48:11.000 You were a lot of fun.

02:48:12.000 Thank you, everybody, for tuning in.

02:48:15.000 Cap City Comedy Club this weekend, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday for me and for Joey Diaz and for Little Esther.

02:48:21.000 And if you want to catch Freddie Lockhart, he will be at the world-famous comedy store this weekend, Friday and Saturday night.

02:48:26.000 Around 10 o'clock, you can call, find out what's up, find out who the other lineup is, see if you want to catch yourself some Al Madrigal, see if you want to see some John Caparulo lay it down.

02:48:37.000 There's a lot of good talent there.

02:48:38.000 And that's it.

02:48:40.000 So we will see you.

02:48:41.000 This is the only one we're going to do this week because I've got to go to Austin, but I'll be back next Tuesday.

02:48:45.000 And we'll see you guys then, hopefully with Bobby Lee. 0.99

02:48:48.000 Bobby, get back to me, you fucking freak. 0.99

02:48:50.000 Everybody on Twitter, on Facebook, contact Bobby Lee. 1.00

02:48:53.000 Tell that motherfucker to get on the podcast. 1.00

02:48:56.000 He's supposed to be doing it soon, and that'll be a lot of fun. 0.99

02:48:59.000 Thank you very much.

02:48:59.000 Brian Reichel, redband.com, for running shit in the background and making sure the sound is in order.

02:49:05.000 And as always, thanks to the Fleshlight for sponsoring this podcast.

02:49:09.000 Fleshlight.com.

02:49:10.000 Fleshlight.com.

02:49:11.000 And if you go to JoeRogan.net, there is a link.

02:49:13.000 You can click that and enter in the code ROGAN. You get 15% off, bitches, and get your freak on on the crazy fake pussy. 1.00

02:49:21.000 Thanks for tuning in. 1.00

02:49:23.000 See you next week. 0.99

02:49:26.000 Love you bitches. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - November 02, 2010

Joe Rogan Experience #53 - Freddy Lockhart

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Summary

Transcript