The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #54 - Eddie Bravo

00:00:00.000 Smile on your face.

00:00:02.000 Three.

00:00:03.000 With her ID. Every picture has her ID. You could get fucking busted for pedophilia.

00:00:12.000 What are you talking about? 1.00

00:00:13.000 Child pornography. 0.96

00:00:14.000 Dude, we're live. 0.99

00:00:15.000 Eddie Bravo, how dare you? 1.00

00:00:17.000 That shit would stand up in court. 1.00

00:00:18.000 Eddie Bravo, how dare you bring up shit that we were talking about off the air. 1.00

00:00:21.000 Okay, I'm sorry. 1.00

00:00:22.000 Start the fucking podcast off with that. 0.99

00:00:24.000 Oh my god. 0.99

00:00:25.000 It's my cousin anyway.

00:00:26.000 Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for tuning in to the podcast.

00:00:30.000 We are sponsored, as always, by The Fleshlight.

00:00:33.000 You go to fleshlight.com.

00:00:34.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and you click the link, this is a place where you can go to and you get 15% off.

00:00:40.000 And what is the code that you have to put in?

00:00:42.000 Rogan.

00:00:43.000 Rogan.

00:00:44.000 And this is a Fatboy Slim Mix.

00:00:46.000 Yes.

00:00:47.000 Fat Boy Summer Mix, 2010. You know what I love with the song that guy did?

00:00:52.000 Weapons of Destruction.

00:00:53.000 Is that what it's called?

00:00:54.000 Yes.

00:00:55.000 Yeah, the one with...

00:00:56.000 Christopher...

00:00:57.000 No, Christopher Walken did the video and he's dancing. 0.99

00:01:00.000 It's a fucking badass video. 0.95

00:01:01.000 Dude, all his videos or all his music's pretty good. 0.98

00:01:04.000 I've really never really got into them, but that one really grabbed me.

00:01:07.000 Our guest, as always, my buddy, Mr. Estee, Eddie Bravo.

00:01:11.000 Eddie Bravo of Tenth Planet Jujitsu.

00:01:14.000 You can go to twitter.com slash Eddie Bravo. 1.00

00:01:18.000 And where else can I get your shit? 0.99

00:01:21.000 You still have a MySpace page up with all your music, right? 0.99

00:01:23.000 Yeah.

00:01:24.000 You're going to move that to another site?

00:01:26.000 Eventually, man. 0.99

00:01:27.000 I'm behind on every fucking thing, man. 0.97

00:01:29.000 I've got to put out the Mastering the Twister DVD. Dude, I'm so behind on everything. 0.99

00:01:34.000 So musicians are still using MySpace.

00:01:37.000 Some of them, right?

00:01:38.000 Because it's convenient, right?

00:01:39.000 Yeah, it's got that music player that you can see your views or your hits.

00:01:43.000 That's pretty important to music.

00:01:46.000 That's super important. 0.98

00:01:48.000 If you have thousands of hits on one of your songs, people are going to go, oh shit, let me check that out.

00:01:53.000 If there's four hits, people are just going to bypass it.

00:01:56.000 Right, and when you embed a video, you can't embed it with the number of hits in it.

00:02:01.000 It can't show.

00:02:03.000 That must be something new.

00:02:05.000 I don't know about that.

00:02:06.000 No, no, no.

00:02:06.000 I mean, if you embed like a YouTube clip, all you see is the window.

00:02:09.000 You don't see how many videos or how many people have watched this video.

00:02:12.000 No, but that would be a good feature, I think.

00:02:16.000 But no one goes on MySpace anymore.

00:02:18.000 You know, I'm always on my website, 10thplanetjj.com. 0.99

00:02:22.000 I'm on that motherfucker, like Joe on Twitter and shit. 1.00

00:02:26.000 All day. 1.00

00:02:27.000 Yeah.

00:02:29.000 Okay, so if they want to see your music, though, they should go to myspace.com slash thetwister. 0.87

00:02:36.000 Those are all old videos and shit.

00:02:38.000 They're like three or four years now old, but they're still badass. 0.87

00:02:44.000 Brian Reichel, what are you doing over there, buddy?

00:02:45.000 Just fine-tweaking the audio.

00:02:47.000 Fine-tweaking.

00:02:48.000 Fine-tweaking.

00:02:49.000 Brian has become quite a podcast mogul.

00:02:51.000 He's been broadcasting not just this podcast, but the unfortunate Brody Stevens project.

00:02:57.000 Yeah, that was...

00:02:58.000 Did you watch any of that?

00:02:59.000 Yeah, you did.

00:02:59.000 I watched a little bit of it.

00:03:00.000 Keep it going and call it that.

00:03:02.000 The unfortunate Brody Stevens project.

00:03:06.000 Call it that, right?

00:03:07.000 Brody looks like he's going crazy.

00:03:08.000 Yeah, then that way he's allowed to get crazy.

00:03:10.000 I just think I need a taser, though.

00:03:12.000 I think if we do that, I need a taser.

00:03:14.000 Well, it's a character.

00:03:15.000 It's a character.

00:03:17.000 I think it works great for stand-up comedy, but I think for a podcast, I don't know.

00:03:21.000 Yeah, it was hard because I felt bad.

00:03:24.000 The last episode, he brought his roommate on again, and he screamed at his roommate the whole time to the point where his roommate, I saw it look close to him, and his cheek was twitching because he was so upset.

00:03:36.000 And then I went outside.

00:03:38.000 Because I was freaking out.

00:03:39.000 I went outside and he comes running outside and goes...

00:03:42.000 Like in the middle of an interview, he just took off and Brody was just left there on the couch going, ah, well, you know, I don't know what he was doing.

00:03:47.000 But the guy's like, I can't take this anymore.

00:03:49.000 I don't know what to do.

00:03:50.000 I can't take this anymore.

00:03:51.000 And like he was...

00:03:51.000 Wow.

00:03:51.000 Like he just got raped.

00:03:53.000 That's what the conversation was. 0.97

00:03:55.000 And that's when I came to the conclusion that what happened is that...

00:03:59.000 They act together, him, Brody Stevens and his roommate act together like if a couple were to break up and they had to live together for like three months.

00:04:07.000 You know, like that anger.

00:04:08.000 Oh, that's the kind of tension they have?

00:04:10.000 Yeah.

00:04:11.000 I don't know, man.

00:04:12.000 It freaked me out. 0.99

00:04:12.000 That's some real fucking anger too, man. 0.99

00:04:14.000 You ever been around someone when they're breaking up but they still haven't moved out yet and then the chick starts seeing another dude and they have complications or the guy starts seeing another chick? 0.99

00:04:22.000 Woo! 1.00

00:04:23.000 Fuck that shit. 1.00

00:04:25.000 Yeah, that's ugly. 1.00

00:04:26.000 That would never happen.

00:04:27.000 I would never put myself through that.

00:04:29.000 I mean, you'd have to be a brokester and understand, or some kind of, I don't know what's going on, with the lease or something.

00:04:35.000 Maybe there's like a lease problem.

00:04:36.000 They're both on the lease.

00:04:37.000 Some people just love drama. 1.00

00:04:38.000 Fuck that. 1.00

00:04:38.000 They can never figure it out. 1.00

00:04:39.000 They can never figure out how to be cool with each other.

00:04:41.000 From the moment of the relationship, it's just a, it's an eventual explosion. 0.97

00:04:45.000 It's like, how fucked up does it have to get before it all falls apart? 0.95

00:04:48.000 The only way I could understand a situation like that is girl breaks up with boy. 0.99

00:04:53.000 Boy is begging for girl back. 1.00

00:04:55.000 Girl goes, you know what? 0.98

00:04:56.000 We're not getting back together, but I'm fucking staying here for two more months because I paid the rent. 1.00

00:04:59.000 And boy's like, fuck it, stay. 0.99

00:05:02.000 It's like it's going to give them more time to maybe change your mind. 1.00

00:05:06.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:05:07.000 Yeah, I could kind of see that.

00:05:09.000 When I broke up, I lived with a chick a long time ago.

00:05:11.000 The first chick I ever lived with.

00:05:12.000 Very nice girl, but we were both kids. 0.96

00:05:14.000 I was 21, she was 20, we were both retarded. 0.96

00:05:17.000 And when I lived with her and we broke up, there was a period of time, for like two weeks, we were still together.

00:05:25.000 And she was still staying in my house, but we were not together anymore.

00:05:30.000 We had broken up, so she had started dating other dudes.

00:05:33.000 And I had started dating other chicks, and she would be cool with it.

00:05:36.000 And then, like, she would tell me about dudes, and I wouldn't get jealous, but I would tell her about a chick, and she'd get mad at me.

00:05:40.000 Within two weeks?

00:05:42.000 Oh, yeah.

00:05:42.000 She's already telling you about new dudes?

00:05:43.000 Yeah, we're 20 years old, man.

00:05:44.000 20 years old? 1.00

00:05:45.000 You're retarded. 1.00

00:05:45.000 You don't know what the fuck's going on. 1.00

00:05:46.000 Were you in love with her? 1.00

00:05:47.000 No.

00:05:48.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:05:48.000 Probably not.

00:05:49.000 No.

00:05:50.000 No way.

00:05:50.000 Definitely not, because I didn't freak out when she left.

00:05:52.000 Although I did, like, try to get her back, and I came off like a huge faggot. 1.00

00:05:57.000 I don't know if you've ever done that before. 0.99

00:05:59.000 Like, when you get devastated by a chick... 0.97

00:06:01.000 And then you try to figure out a way to bring her back.

00:06:03.000 It's almost like an ego thing, really.

00:06:04.000 It's like the relationship is boring.

00:06:06.000 Did she break up with you?

00:06:07.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:06:07.000 Okay, that hurts.

00:06:09.000 Now, how long were you guys living together before?

00:06:12.000 Not that long, man.

00:06:13.000 It did not last very long.

00:06:14.000 It was a disaster.

00:06:15.000 Six months?

00:06:15.000 Maybe something like that.

00:06:17.000 Not even.

00:06:18.000 You can get deep in six months.

00:06:19.000 Yeah, maybe not even.

00:06:20.000 I don't even think it was six months.

00:06:21.000 She was a nice kid. 1.00

00:06:22.000 We were just young and stupid. 1.00

00:06:24.000 But she started banging other dudes and I started banging other chicks. 0.99

00:06:27.000 And it was real weird because we were living together. 0.99

00:06:30.000 And every now and then she would get horny and I'd fuck her anyway. 1.00

00:06:33.000 It was very strange. 1.00

00:06:34.000 It was like retard relationship shit. 1.00

00:06:37.000 The shit you do when you're 21. Usually, generally, when someone breaks up, the girl, generally, for most people, the girl has so much more power than the guy. 1.00

00:06:48.000 The girl can bang ten dudes that day they broke up. 1.00

00:06:52.000 Like, the guy might not be able to get laid for a couple weeks, right?

00:06:58.000 He hasn't been in the game for a while.

00:07:00.000 Unless the reason why they're breaking up is because the guy found someone new already.

00:07:04.000 That's true.

00:07:05.000 Back in Boston, man, where I lived, it was way harder to meet people.

00:07:08.000 This is not the same place, man.

00:07:10.000 People are not nearly as friendly.

00:07:11.000 It's not nearly as easy to go out and meet people like in a bar or club or whatever. 0.98

00:07:15.000 It's a fucking grind. 0.97

00:07:17.000 It's not easy. 0.99

00:07:18.000 Yeah, and everyone's in jackets. 0.99

00:07:19.000 You really don't know what the fuck you're getting. 1.00

00:07:21.000 You don't know what you're getting, man. 1.00

00:07:23.000 You get a look at girls' jeans. 1.00

00:07:24.000 How vacuum-sealed are these fucking things? 1.00

00:07:28.000 Even at clubs. 1.00

00:07:29.000 Even at clubs, you really can't tell. 1.00

00:07:31.000 Some girls can cover their fucked-up shit with the dresses. 1.00

00:07:35.000 You get them naked, you're like, whoa, fuck. 1.00

00:07:38.000 Plus they confuse you with glow sticks and shit, you know? 1.00

00:07:43.000 Like you go out to a club, they got glow sticks, they got glitter, they got fake eyelashes. 0.99

00:07:47.000 You're drunk, it's dark, and they got so much fucking makeup on and they're covering their shit up strategically. 0.99

00:07:53.000 They know how to cover them rolls up. 0.99

00:07:54.000 How crazy is the idea of a nightclub?

00:07:58.000 How crazy is the idea of a nightclub?

00:08:00.000 You go to a place. 1.00

00:08:01.000 It's a designated meeting area where everybody goes that supposedly is single and wants to fuck. 0.99

00:08:06.000 You know, it's like, can you get it? 0.99

00:08:07.000 That's the big question.

00:08:09.000 Can you meet?

00:08:09.000 Can you meet somebody?

00:08:10.000 Are you compatible?

00:08:11.000 Do you get it?

00:08:12.000 But we're going to provide you with music so you get to move around and grind against each other. 0.99

00:08:16.000 We're going to give you drinks so you make shitty decisions. 0.98

00:08:18.000 We're going to set you up in a place where there's probably going to be people that are selling drugs if we're going to do something more fucked up. 0.98

00:08:23.000 It's all together in one big spot and we stay open until 2 o'clock in the morning. 0.95

00:08:28.000 That's one place I never pick up chicks at, though. 1.00

00:08:30.000 I never pick up chicks at the dance club. 1.00

00:08:32.000 Because if I'm dancing, I'm acting a fool.

00:08:34.000 I'm not taking it serious, breaking it down. 0.94

00:08:37.000 You know what?

00:08:37.000 I was totally the opposite.

00:08:39.000 For me, I swear.

00:08:41.000 When I was 21, 22, the way I would make moves on a chick is I would find the best dancer and then dance with her. 1.00

00:08:48.000 And I always felt like I could just, I could get them with the dancing.

00:08:51.000 I swear to God.

00:08:52.000 Do you watch Klee?

00:08:53.000 Huh?

00:08:53.000 Did you like learn how to dance?

00:08:55.000 Man, I was dancing before I could even walk. 0.99

00:08:58.000 My aunts would just hold me up because my aunts were a couple years older than me and they would just hold me up and everyone, we would be dancing like fucking fools all the time. 0.98

00:09:06.000 Do you still dance once in a while? 0.99

00:09:07.000 I went to school, dances.

00:09:08.000 I was always dancing, huh?

00:09:09.000 Do you still dance once in a while? 0.97

00:09:11.000 If I'm at a club and they're playing some good shit, you know, some good fitty cent or something, some new ludicrous or something, I'll be dancing. 0.95

00:09:19.000 It's got to be good, though. 1.00

00:09:22.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:09:23.000 Shut that shit off. 1.00

00:09:25.000 That's Wake the Fuck Up. 1.00

00:09:28.000 No, you know what that is? 0.98

00:09:28.000 That's an alarm. 0.98

00:09:30.000 Call your business manager.

00:09:31.000 Check on your funds.

00:09:33.000 Like, every day it goes off. 0.99

00:09:34.000 Keep that shit going every day, but I usually ignore it. 0.99

00:09:37.000 So it's like a wake-up reminder to... 1.00

00:09:39.000 You check your fucking money, dude. 1.00

00:09:40.000 Slow down. 1.00

00:09:41.000 What are you, spending too much money?

00:09:43.000 I don't keep track of it.

00:09:45.000 That's my problem.

00:09:46.000 Now, when you get a business manager, I don't have to keep...

00:09:48.000 I like, you know, I always envied you, man. 0.95

00:09:51.000 How many years did we know each other and you had a business manager and I had to handle all my shit, do all my taxes? 0.99

00:09:57.000 You never worried about shit. 1.00

00:09:59.000 Since I've known you, you just have a credit card and you don't worry about shit. 0.99

00:10:03.000 I remember a couple times you told me, go, man, I could have two million in the bank. 0.99

00:10:10.000 All right.

00:10:10.000 I didn't want to disclose that.

00:10:12.000 Okay.

00:10:15.000 Anyway, do you like comic books?

00:10:19.000 Did you grow up liking comic books?

00:10:22.000 Um, no.

00:10:23.000 I never read comic books, man.

00:10:24.000 I wasn't into it.

00:10:25.000 I hated superheroes, man.

00:10:27.000 I wasn't into them.

00:10:28.000 I was Spider-Man for Halloween, and it's so weird playing the role of, like, a superhero at a party.

00:10:34.000 Like, I went to this huge party, and I was dressed up as Spider-Man.

00:10:38.000 And I realized when I had to walk around the party, I was walking around the party like I was Spider-Man.

00:10:42.000 Like, I wasn't just stepping.

00:10:44.000 Like, I didn't do it on purpose.

00:10:47.000 What?

00:10:47.000 I was really stoned in it.

00:10:50.000 I don't know, but it was weird, man.

00:10:51.000 So you really thought you were Spider-Man?

00:10:53.000 Well, I just caught myself walking differently.

00:10:55.000 This is the same dude, by the way, that said that he doesn't like certain video games because now when he sees buildings, he wants to jump from one building to the other because he's played this in games.

00:11:03.000 He actually thinks that?

00:11:04.000 He could go do that?

00:11:05.000 No, no, no.

00:11:06.000 You know what?

00:11:06.000 You're getting lost in the character.

00:11:08.000 Which is totally correct.

00:11:09.000 I played so much of this particular video game in a short amount of time, like all day long, that it got to the point where I was driving and I would just kind of space out and think, hey, look, a building.

00:11:20.000 I could jump on there.

00:11:21.000 I could see that.

00:11:21.000 You know what I mean?

00:11:22.000 Yeah, you're thinking of retarded shit you never usually want to talk about, but you're thinking about that shit. 1.00

00:11:27.000 Like, man, I'm actually thinking about the fucking video game. 1.00

00:11:31.000 Jumping around. 0.99

00:11:31.000 Just because you played it. 0.99

00:11:32.000 How many hours straight do you play it?

00:11:34.000 At that time, I played it for all day long.

00:11:37.000 I'd wake up, play it, go to bed. 0.99

00:11:39.000 That's ridiculous. 0.88

00:11:40.000 For a month, though. 0.96

00:11:42.000 That was the only time I ever became addicted to it.

00:11:44.000 My little nephew, that's his problem right now. 1.00

00:11:46.000 They gotta take away that fucking game controller. 1.00

00:11:48.000 Because he plays all fucking days, fucking up his grades and all that shit. 1.00

00:11:52.000 And my sister's like, we only let him have that video game on weekends. 1.00

00:11:56.000 And they take the controllers and they fucking hide them. 0.97

00:11:58.000 He goes looking for it. 1.00

00:11:59.000 He breaks into the fucking room. 0.99

00:12:01.000 So all they really need to do is have like a... 1.00

00:12:03.000 Video game controller dealer at school, right?

00:12:07.000 How easy is that?

00:12:10.000 I'm real lucky that I didn't have video games when I was a kid. 0.99

00:12:13.000 I mean, we had stupid ones on TV that you'd play. 0.98

00:12:17.000 I forget what they were. 0.99

00:12:19.000 I think Mike Tyson's Punch-Out, I think we had that.

00:12:22.000 I think that was when I was around high school.

00:12:24.000 I had Atari, the old Space Invaders.

00:12:26.000 That was all I had.

00:12:27.000 That wasn't that addictive.

00:12:29.000 I mean, it was okay, but it's nothing like Call of Duty or...

00:12:32.000 Dude, it was amazing back then.

00:12:34.000 Space Invaders at your house?

00:12:36.000 Yeah.

00:12:36.000 It was amazing.

00:12:37.000 Like, fuck. 1.00

00:12:37.000 Yeah, but I'm talking about the sheer addiction value of it. 1.00

00:12:40.000 It's not even close to the video games today.

00:12:42.000 No.

00:12:43.000 People are having real problems with their kids starving.

00:12:45.000 It's like a regular basis because they're not feeding their kids because they get lost in these massive multiplayer world games.

00:12:53.000 Yeah, like World of Warcraft.

00:12:54.000 Yeah, like these World of Warcraft games, man.

00:12:56.000 It substitutes these people's lives.

00:12:59.000 Like The Sims and Farmedale.

00:13:01.000 Girl, just... 1.00

00:13:05.000 Yeah, it's fucked up. 0.99

00:13:07.000 You know that new Call of Duty game that came out last night, Modern Ops or whatever? 0.99

00:13:10.000 I don't even know what the name of it is.

00:13:12.000 I just saw that it's in 3D. It's one of the first video games to release, to be made, to be played on a 3D TV. So you know that 3D we saw the other day at Bisbach?

00:13:21.000 Imagine playing Call of Duty now.

00:13:22.000 Dude, I did not realize how badass 3D looks now with a movie that's animated for 3D and then you get one of those 3D glasses and you watch on the new 3D TVs. 0.98

00:13:32.000 It's fucking incredible, man.

00:13:35.000 It's just like, it's overwhelming. 0.98

00:13:37.000 Like, you look at it and you're just going, whoa!

00:13:39.000 Isn't it weird that it's finally taking off?

00:13:41.000 I mean, we had 3D back when I was 10. But it's not taken away.

00:13:45.000 The problem is it's a huge fucking trick. 0.99

00:13:47.000 It came out almost a year ago. 0.98

00:13:48.000 You know how many Blu-ray, DVD, 3D movies that they're out?

00:13:51.000 It's like two, right?

00:13:52.000 Two or three.

00:13:53.000 I think the third one just came out the other day.

00:13:54.000 But like HD, the same thing.

00:13:56.000 There wasn't that many HD channels.

00:13:58.000 But you stick around. 0.98

00:13:59.000 There's no way 2D is going to fuck with 3D. 3D porn is going to take over. 0.99

00:14:04.000 They're making all movies in 3D now.

00:14:06.000 Are they shooting porn in 3D? Yeah, they've been doing it for a while.

00:14:09.000 Wow.

00:14:10.000 That's the only way to bring porn back.

00:14:11.000 How are you going to do 3D? You can't download 3D. And then ultimately you'll be able to download.

00:14:15.000 It's going to make a big comeback.

00:14:16.000 So should we invest in porn?

00:14:17.000 Is that like a 3D porn market?

00:14:20.000 It's got to be.

00:14:20.000 That's actually smart.

00:14:21.000 That doesn't make sense. 1.00

00:14:23.000 You can't download that shit. 1.00

00:14:24.000 The bruises pop off the TV right into your ear. 1.00

00:14:26.000 The bruises pop off the TV? You can smell the fuck. 1.00

00:14:28.000 Dude, for sure. 1.00

00:14:30.000 For sure they're going to have loads coming at you.

00:14:32.000 You're going to have to dodge them, dude.

00:14:34.000 Yeah.

00:14:34.000 You know what I mean?

00:14:35.000 Will you dodge them?

00:14:36.000 No, they're going to come right at the screen, and they're going to shoot to the girl's face, and she's going to be covered in loads. 0.99

00:14:42.000 Yeah, you're going to see the loads coming from behind the camera or something, right?

00:14:47.000 Imagine if it was so good, though, if you had a wall projection TV and the legs were just being wrapped around you. 1.00

00:14:53.000 It's really going to be gay porn that takes off from 3D, because what can a girl do in 3D while she's having sex? 1.00

00:14:58.000 Like, the titties coming at you? 1.00

00:14:59.000 It looks better. 0.98

00:15:00.000 It just looks better.

00:15:02.000 The depth is way better.

00:15:04.000 It's not just that you have tricks.

00:15:07.000 That was like old 3D. Remember Jaws 3D? There was only one thing that happened.

00:15:11.000 The shark went through the glass.

00:15:12.000 You're like, ah, he's coming!

00:15:13.000 Absolutely.

00:15:14.000 The rest of it was bunk.

00:15:15.000 It was like tricks.

00:15:16.000 But now it's not tricks.

00:15:18.000 It's like they're doing...

00:15:19.000 Depth.

00:15:19.000 Yeah.

00:15:20.000 What was the Monsters vs.

00:15:22.000 Aliens?

00:15:22.000 That was the animated show that we were watching that was in 3D? Yeah.

00:15:25.000 It was insane.

00:15:26.000 It was so vivid and there was so much to it.

00:15:29.000 The depth was really shocking.

00:15:34.000 Pretty soon it's going to be where you look at your wall and you're looking into the next room.

00:15:39.000 You're watching Seinfeld as if Seinfeld was in your house. 0.93

00:15:43.000 If it's gotten this far, what it looks like is pretty fucking incredible. 0.92

00:15:48.000 Way better than the movies.

00:15:51.000 What would happen? 1.00

00:15:53.000 My shit went... 1.00

00:15:53.000 Bro, we lost one of the channels for the head. 1.00

00:15:56.000 Oh, there it goes.

00:15:56.000 It's back.

00:15:57.000 What happened? 0.99

00:15:57.000 All I'm saying is that you can get more creative with gay porn. 0.99

00:16:01.000 Yeah, I lost it, man. 1.00

00:16:02.000 We lose it.

00:16:03.000 You got a bad connection on the headsets.

00:16:05.000 Yeah.

00:16:07.000 Alright, so anyways...

00:16:08.000 It's in there, yeah.

00:16:09.000 But what I'm saying is it looks way better than the movies because movie theaters, it's like kind of shitty resolution.

00:16:16.000 It looks like grainy.

00:16:17.000 You know, even if it's a giant, it's better.

00:16:19.000 Even if it's a giant screen, it's not nearly as good as like a giant, like 55-inch plasma screen.

00:16:24.000 You know, the depth that you get when you look at like a real good TV? It's like the resolution is like way crisper.

00:16:30.000 Did you see Jackass in 3D? That was using old school 3D techniques.

00:16:34.000 Like dildos coming towards your face.

00:16:36.000 So that wasn't using depth.

00:16:38.000 They actually slowed down things so you could see it come at you.

00:16:43.000 That was the best movie for the 3D content.

00:16:46.000 It was awesome for 3D. All I kept thinking about is...

00:16:52.000 They're getting fucking some head trauma going on. 1.00

00:16:55.000 They're really jacking their heads up. 0.99

00:16:57.000 For sure, at least one of those dudes.

00:17:00.000 One of those dudes is going to have Lou Gehrig's disease.

00:17:03.000 Are you, after watching that show on brain trauma, was it Real Sports?

00:17:09.000 Yes. 1.00

00:17:09.000 Are you more aware of that shit? 1.00

00:17:11.000 Oh yeah, the whole time I was watching Jackass, I'm like, God damn, it's funny. 1.00

00:17:15.000 It's all fun and games right now. 0.99

00:17:16.000 You're making a lot of money, but they're really fucking themselves up. 0.98

00:17:20.000 Dude. 0.97

00:17:20.000 I saw the saddest interview with Michael, not Michael, with Muhammad Ali when he was Cassius Clay. 0.97

00:17:26.000 He was talking about retiring when he got to be a certain age.

00:17:29.000 He goes, I don't want to be one of them fighters as old and been hitting the head too many times as talking duh, duh, duh, duh.

00:17:35.000 Whoa, whoa.

00:17:36.000 Yeah, whoa, indeed.

00:17:37.000 It was so creepy to listen to that.

00:17:40.000 You're the king of der-der-der. 0.99

00:17:42.000 You're the guy.

00:17:43.000 If you talk about anybody where anybody looks towards someone getting damaged from fighting and it being a sad case, he's the one.

00:17:52.000 And there's a lot of people that are trying to say that he has Parkinson's and it's not related. 0.99

00:17:55.000 The fuck it's not related? 1.00

00:17:56.000 That's a bullshit, politically correct argument. 1.00

00:17:59.000 Yeah, he's got Parkinson's. 1.00

00:18:00.000 What does that mean? 1.00

00:18:00.000 It means his fucking brain is falling apart. 1.00

00:18:02.000 Why do you think he has it? 1.00

00:18:03.000 You don't think that has to do with the fact that he got battered in the brain for decades?

00:18:08.000 You don't think that has something to do with that?

00:18:09.000 That's crazy.

00:18:10.000 They had this thing on 48 Hours with Jerry Quarry.

00:18:13.000 Jerry Quarry was like this great white hope from the 1970s. 0.94

00:18:16.000 And they followed this dude around.

00:18:18.000 And he was like 53 years old when he died.

00:18:22.000 And they followed him around when he was 50. And he was gone.

00:18:25.000 Gone.

00:18:25.000 There was nothing there.

00:18:26.000 He had no idea what was going on.

00:18:28.000 Didn't know how to write his name.

00:18:29.000 His brother had to help him write it.

00:18:30.000 So he had Lou Gehrig's disease.

00:18:32.000 He had everything.

00:18:33.000 You know, he had pugilistica dementia.

00:18:34.000 That's what they call it.

00:18:35.000 That's what they were calling it.

00:18:36.000 You know, as far as is it Lou Gehrig's disease?

00:18:38.000 Lou Gehrig's disease is the same thing that Stephen Hawking has.

00:18:42.000 It's your body loses its ability to move itself.

00:18:46.000 There's a bunch of different things.

00:18:47.000 I mean, Muhammad Ali has Parkinson's.

00:18:49.000 You know, this guy had, you know, pugilistica dementia, which is just dementia brought on by being punched.

00:18:54.000 The whole deal is, you know, it's scary because we see it all the time, man.

00:18:58.000 We see guys getting jacked in the head all the time.

00:19:01.000 You know, it's a big part of what we do. 1.00

00:19:05.000 It's real shit. 1.00

00:19:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:07.000 So much fun to watch, though.

00:19:10.000 Thank God there's dudes willing to put their brains on the line for our entertainment. 0.99

00:19:15.000 Well, it's just they've got to know when to stop.

00:19:16.000 That's the thing.

00:19:17.000 I mean, you can do it a few times.

00:19:19.000 You can even get shut off a couple of times.

00:19:21.000 But you've got to know when to stop.

00:19:23.000 And everybody's when is different.

00:19:25.000 And that's when it gets tricky.

00:19:26.000 You know, no one can tell you.

00:19:28.000 Remember Alistair Overeem when he was getting knocked out all the time?

00:19:31.000 Alistair Overeem was getting, like, jacked over and over again.

00:19:34.000 Sergei Kerrigan.

00:19:35.000 I don't know.

00:19:41.000 26.

00:19:42.000 So, I mean, he had been beaten up a bunch of times, both in kickboxing and in, you know, in, in MMA. 0.97

00:19:48.000 But then all of a sudden he makes this fucking tremendous comeback. 0.92

00:19:50.000 And now he's one of the best fighters in the world. 0.94

00:19:52.000 So it's like, you can't never say that a dude's done because he made a sick comeback and then made a sick comeback in striking in K1.

00:20:00.000 You know, the fact that he was able to have that kind of success in just straight striking, I mean, that's pretty goddamn impressive.

00:20:06.000 So you can't tell a guy to stop, because I would have told All-Star over him to stop.

00:20:09.000 You know, when do you draw the line?

00:20:12.000 Is it 5 KOs?

00:20:13.000 Is it 4 KOs?

00:20:14.000 You know?

00:20:15.000 I think Peter Ertz has been stopped some crazy amount of times, like 14 times over the course of his career, just something nutty like that.

00:20:23.000 Bam! 0.98

00:20:24.000 Think about that, huh?

00:20:25.000 Yeah.

00:20:26.000 What if they find out, because jujitsu is fairly new, what if they find out that if you get choked out unconscious, like from a rear naked choke or a darts or something, like 20, 25 times, that you're susceptible to get Lou Gehrig's disease just from getting shut off like that?

00:20:44.000 Yeah, who knows?

00:20:45.000 Well, I would say that they know that you can be deprived of blood to the brain for a certain amount of time before there's damage set in.

00:20:52.000 But how do they know that?

00:20:53.000 I mean, they know that people have gotten damaged because they had blood shut off to their brain for X amount of seconds, or is it a minute?

00:21:01.000 I mean, what is the amount of time where you start getting brain damage?

00:21:05.000 Remember when we talked about this once, where you were saying, like, if you really hated somebody, you'd choke them out, but not to kill them, just hold on for 90 seconds and make them retarded? 0.99

00:21:13.000 That's a character I wanted to develop, man.

00:21:15.000 A guy who's like a Dexter.

00:21:18.000 He just kills people, but he doesn't kill them. 0.99

00:21:21.000 He just chokes them out just for 58 seconds just to turn them into a vegetable. 0.99

00:21:26.000 So he doesn't go down for murder.

00:21:28.000 No one knows how this person became a vegetable.

00:21:31.000 Make it a romantic comedy.

00:21:33.000 And then, like, one dude...

00:21:35.000 And the conflict is...

00:21:36.000 After he chokes a girl, he becomes a lover.

00:21:38.000 He does it for money.

00:21:38.000 He's just, like, the secret assassin.

00:21:40.000 He's not killing anybody.

00:21:41.000 He's just turning your enemies into...

00:21:42.000 Like, you pay them. 0.96

00:21:43.000 And then one guy, he didn't choke long enough, and the guy can kind of talk, and he's trying to bust him out, so he has to figure out how to fucking get near him again to choke him out. 0.56

00:21:51.000 And the guy's like... 0.75

00:21:51.000 He's, like, pointing at it. 0.75

00:21:53.000 He's like... 1.00

00:21:53.000 I gotta put this motherfucker in an arm triangle one more time. 1.00

00:21:58.000 But, um... 0.99

00:22:03.000 So, that missile thing, a lot of people don't know this, but there was a missile that was fired last night off of the coast of California, like Malibu area.

00:22:12.000 I heard it on Carson's radio show this morning, and he said that's where he lives.

00:22:16.000 He didn't see anything.

00:22:18.000 Who's radio show?

00:22:19.000 Carson Daly.

00:22:20.000 Carson Daly has a radio show?

00:22:21.000 Yeah, on K-Rock, I think.

00:22:22.000 He does?

00:22:23.000 Yeah, in the morning.

00:22:24.000 K-Rock is Kevin and Bean.

00:22:26.000 Is he on after that?

00:22:27.000 Maybe.

00:22:27.000 Okay.

00:22:28.000 Maybe after.

00:22:29.000 But he was saying that he didn't see anything, so he had all these callers call in, and then it was like two hours later, everyone said they saw something, but not with the time that everyone else is saying.

00:22:39.000 Well, they have pictures of it.

00:22:40.000 Yeah.

00:22:41.000 Something happened.

00:22:42.000 Yeah.

00:22:42.000 There was one before that happened.

00:22:44.000 I remember I was driving, I was in Hollywood, and the sky was like, it was just turning dusk.

00:22:50.000 So it was kind of like half dark, half light.

00:22:52.000 And they launched a rocket, and you could really see whatever this thing was, this missile.

00:22:57.000 You could really see the contrail behind it and everything.

00:23:00.000 It was pretty dramatic.

00:23:01.000 And then they had to tell people that they do these things at night and that this one was from Edwards Air Force Base, I guess.

00:23:10.000 And they shot it at night, but it was just not dark enough.

00:23:13.000 They miscalculated the time so people get to see it. 0.99

00:23:15.000 So it's like, what do you mean they just shoot shit up in the air? 0.97

00:23:18.000 Did they do this all the time? 0.98

00:23:19.000 Yeah, my friend that's in the Navy says that they shoot missiles all the time.

00:23:23.000 Where do they go?

00:23:24.000 I don't know.

00:23:26.000 I'd probably aim them to the water.

00:23:27.000 They just shoot dead missiles? 0.88

00:23:28.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:29.000 Imagine if you were in a fucking rowboat and nobody knew you were out there and you got hit in the head by a missile. 1.00

00:23:34.000 Ugh. 1.00

00:23:34.000 Just a random... 1.00

00:23:35.000 I mean, people have been shot by people shooting up in the air.

00:23:39.000 Right.

00:23:39.000 And the bullet goes up in the air and then it lands on people.

00:23:41.000 That's happened a bunch of times.

00:23:42.000 Right. 1.00

00:23:43.000 Could you imagine if you got hit in the head by a fucking missile while you're fishing? 0.99

00:23:46.000 I wonder what Alex Jones is saying about this missile thing, or if he even knows about it. 0.99

00:23:48.000 Oh, he'll...

00:23:49.000 What would he say?

00:23:49.000 How would he say it?

00:23:50.000 Basically, the New World Order, the elites.

00:23:52.000 I've got to move my phone.

00:23:54.000 The New World Order, the elites.

00:23:56.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:23:56.000 What the fuck would he say? 1.00

00:23:57.000 He would say something stupid. 1.00

00:23:58.000 It was Obama. 1.00

00:23:59.000 Yeah, he would say something about life extension.

00:24:02.000 We had a crazy experience in Texas with Alex Jones, with Joey Diaz.

00:24:07.000 What happened?

00:24:07.000 Joe Diaz lit the Alex Jones show on fire.

00:24:12.000 He went off. 1.00

00:24:13.000 Alex Jones fucked up, and this is where he fucked up. 0.99

00:24:15.000 He had Joey come on, and it was his idea to bring Joey into the room. 0.99

00:24:19.000 He's talking to me about, what about chemtrails?

00:24:21.000 What's going on with the environment?

00:24:23.000 What about, they're going to kill the dollar?

00:24:25.000 So he's got all this stuff that he's bringing up with me, and then Joey's outside.

00:24:29.000 And we're just talking kind of like straight, real conspiracy theory, Alex Jones-style.

00:24:33.000 But he brings Joey in, and we were at the end of the show.

00:24:37.000 So he goes, well, we're going to go into overdrive right now, and we're going to overdrive.

00:24:41.000 Super-secret overdrive.

00:24:43.000 It's a lot on the internet.

00:24:44.000 But, you know, you can swear.

00:24:45.000 It's alright.

00:24:46.000 It's not FCC. But try not to swear.

00:24:47.000 So he fucked up. 0.99

00:24:49.000 He gave the green light to Joey. 1.00

00:24:50.000 He let Joey know that Joey can just go off.

00:24:52.000 And so Joey starts going off.

00:24:54.000 First of all, he's going off about Cuba, about how this is a free country.

00:24:59.000 Well, when it really went awry was when he started talking about smuggling drugs.

00:25:04.000 He goes, I got here on the plane.

00:25:06.000 I had the sack under my ball sack.

00:25:08.000 I put the sack of weed under my... 1.00

00:25:10.000 I was stinking like a motherfucker! 1.00

00:25:11.000 And he's going, no, no! 1.00

00:25:13.000 You know, Alex Jones is going, no, you didn't.

00:25:14.000 He goes, no, I did.

00:25:15.000 It was under my left ball.

00:25:16.000 My left ball is bigger than my right ball because I'm right-handed.

00:25:19.000 I thought I had cancer for a while.

00:25:21.000 And he just goes deep, Joey Diaz.

00:25:24.000 And as Alex Jones is going, whoa, no, no, that didn't happen, no. 1.00

00:25:29.000 He goes, it did happen, cocksucker! 1.00

00:25:30.000 Obama, freedom of speech! 1.00

00:25:32.000 So he's going fucking crazy. 0.99

00:25:34.000 And Alex Jones can't figure out what to do. 0.99

00:25:37.000 And I'm laughing my balls off.

00:25:39.000 So as I'm laughing, you know Joey.

00:25:41.000 If he's got an audience and that audience is laughing, Joey knows how to finish the deal.

00:25:45.000 It rages.

00:25:46.000 He gets red.

00:25:47.000 He starts getting sweaty.

00:25:49.000 He knows how to finish the deal.

00:25:50.000 So he's going off about how stinky this weed is under his ball sack.

00:25:54.000 And then he'd go through the x-ray machine.

00:25:55.000 And he thought he was going to have to get arrested.

00:25:57.000 And then the more Alex Jones protests, the crazier it got.

00:26:01.000 So Joey finally, you know, Joey stands up.

00:26:04.000 He always likes to stand up when he's going to end something and walk away.

00:26:06.000 He's in a fury, a frenzy.

00:26:08.000 He goes, Joe Diaz, Facebook, Twitter.

00:26:11.000 He stands up and he goes, check yourself before you wreck yourself. 1.00

00:26:14.000 Big dicks in your ass is bad for your health. 1.00

00:26:17.000 Stay black because that's the most important thing. 1.00

00:26:19.000 Stay black. 1.00

00:26:20.000 And the whole time he's screaming into the microphone to make it worse. 0.97

00:26:23.000 You know, he's just like, take this!

00:26:25.000 He's grabbing the microphone with his big paws and screaming into it.

00:26:28.000 The best part is when he first walked into, like, Alex Jones' studio is set up where the camera's facing him, like, directly.

00:26:34.000 And he...

00:26:35.000 Joey just stands right in front of it and leans down on one knee right in front of the camera.

00:26:39.000 So if you look at the video, if you can find the video anywhere, it's just Alex and then this big head blocking his view.

00:26:47.000 And then it's the cameraman all scrambling for new shots and it's all Joey Diaz's head covering everyone's faces.

00:26:53.000 Joey Diaz. 0.99

00:26:54.000 He's a fucking national treasure, man. 0.99

00:26:56.000 You realize in moments like this, I mean, I'm giving it no justice here describing it. 0.99

00:27:01.000 I'm trying to describe it right.

00:27:02.000 You've got to see it.

00:27:03.000 We're going to have it up in a video.

00:27:04.000 It's available online.

00:27:05.000 You can see the whole thing, but we're going to edit it and put together the right parts and a whole video of the whole Austin trip. 0.99

00:27:11.000 Austin was and always is the shit. 0.97

00:27:14.000 Every time I go there to film, it seems like magic happens. 1.00

00:27:17.000 That is one of the best cities in the fucking state. 0.98

00:27:19.000 It's a One of the best cities in the world, man. 0.99

00:27:21.000 It really is.

00:27:23.000 Well, it is one of the best cities in the state.

00:27:26.000 It's also one of the best cities in the country.

00:27:27.000 And if this is the best country in the world, then that's one of the best cities in the world. 0.93

00:27:31.000 I just fucked that whole thing up. 0.98

00:27:33.000 Dude, not only is the food amazing, everywhere you go, the food is fucking amazing. 0.97

00:27:38.000 Everywhere you go, the women are beautiful and awesome and nice and love to party and hang out. 1.00

00:27:43.000 People are friendly there, man.

00:27:45.000 It's a friendly place.

00:27:46.000 There's a few spots like that in this country, man, where people are friendlier.

00:27:49.000 That's one of the best ones.

00:27:51.000 Austin, Texas is one of the best ones.

00:27:52.000 Great music.

00:27:54.000 One of the smartest ones, too.

00:27:56.000 There's just so many smart, cool, interesting people there. 0.98

00:27:58.000 It's a fun fucking place to do. 0.99

00:28:01.000 Worst highways ever. 1.00

00:28:04.000 The GPS just queefs when it tries to find the exit.

00:28:08.000 Well, for some reason, they decided instead of making their highways wider, they decided to stack them on top of each other.

00:28:13.000 It's like the logic behind it is so strange.

00:28:16.000 And if you miss an exit, it's so impossible.

00:28:18.000 You have to round about it. 1.00

00:28:20.000 You're fucked. 1.00

00:28:20.000 You're fucked because almost every exit becomes a new highway in another direction. 1.00

00:28:24.000 You're like, where's this one going? 1.00

00:28:26.000 It's death.

00:28:27.000 It's death. 1.00

00:28:27.000 If you miss a spot, you're fucked. 1.00

00:28:30.000 But other than that, it's the shit. 1.00

00:28:33.000 Jessica was here. 1.00

00:28:34.000 The first clip that we got that's classic from Austin was the clam thing with Ari. 0.99

00:28:41.000 They painted that whole green room, too.

00:28:43.000 They redid that whole place.

00:28:44.000 That was sad.

00:28:46.000 The green room in the Austin Cap City Comedy Club used to be covered with graffiti, and now it's just all painted.

00:28:52.000 And it was like famous comics.

00:28:54.000 You know, some comics are dead.

00:28:56.000 Yeah, like I think Mitch Hedberg was on there and stuff.

00:28:58.000 And they just decided to paint this green over it.

00:29:00.000 Yeah, I asked him, like, what happened?

00:29:02.000 Bird King, buy you guys out? 0.99

00:29:03.000 Like, what the fuck is this? 0.99

00:29:03.000 Yeah, it felt like Ikea or something like that. 0.99

00:29:06.000 Why would they do that?

00:29:06.000 I don't know.

00:29:07.000 That was the biggest fail ever.

00:29:08.000 Somebody should take a picture of that green room and just call it fail.

00:29:11.000 What someone should do is find photos of it all online and make wallpaper of it and then glue it back on the exact spot.

00:29:16.000 I have a lot of it.

00:29:17.000 I've taken most of it. 0.78

00:29:18.000 What you should do is enlarge everything up high resolution like with some fucking Gene Hackman movie type technology where they can take a big picture and actually make it look good. 0.82

00:29:27.000 Yeah.

00:29:27.000 Maybe we'll wait until it's LCD wallpaper and I'll just email them the photos.

00:29:31.000 Nah, you're talking, bitch. 1.00

00:29:33.000 Yeah, how could they do that, man? 1.00

00:29:34.000 That place and the Atlanta Punchline, that's another one.

00:29:36.000 The Atlanta Punchline, the green room, is just covered with...

00:29:39.000 One of my favorite ones is Stop Trying to Be Hicks.

00:29:43.000 Somebody had that as their avatar photo on the Rogan board for a while.

00:29:46.000 The best one was in the Austin one was always my favorite.

00:29:49.000 And that's one thing I always think is pee on the toilet seat.

00:29:52.000 Maybe it will keep women out of comedy. 1.00

00:29:54.000 No, keep the toilet seat up. 1.00

00:29:56.000 Maybe it will keep women out of comedy. 1.00

00:29:57.000 I was taking my own life and mixing it in.

00:30:00.000 Dude, I'm not a person that lifts the toilet seat and pees.

00:30:05.000 I'm one of those guys.

00:30:06.000 I pee through it?

00:30:06.000 I pee through it because I grew up with my mom and my sister and I just wash it every time.

00:30:11.000 What?

00:30:12.000 You piss all over the toilet seat and then you just wash it?

00:30:13.000 No, my aim is amazing.

00:30:15.000 But once in a while, you get that one little teeny drop. 0.95

00:30:18.000 So once in a while, someone has to sit in your piss.

00:30:20.000 No, because then I always clean it with water and toilet paper.

00:30:24.000 What about soap?

00:30:25.000 Yeah, was that enough?

00:30:27.000 If someone pissed on your fork and then cleaned it with water and toilet paper, would you eat it off of it? 0.98

00:30:31.000 Joe, you drink pee. 1.00

00:30:32.000 I don't think I have to worry about your little butt having a little drop of pee on it. 1.00

00:30:36.000 It's his pee. 0.99

00:30:37.000 I don't do it every day, and it's not mine. 0.99

00:30:40.000 It's his pee. 0.96

00:30:40.000 It's a big difference between if I said, you know, if I drank pee for a stunt on a radio show or if I pissed in your mouth. 0.96

00:30:46.000 These are two totally different things, right?

00:30:46.000 Well, it's like the old thing, like we used to always talk about, do you stand wiping up or do you sit down and go through the legs?

00:30:52.000 Me and Joe are both standers.

00:30:54.000 Are you a stander? 1.00

00:30:54.000 Fuck yeah, I stand. 1.00

00:30:55.000 Yeah, see? 1.00

00:30:55.000 Get in there. 1.00

00:30:56.000 I wipe and then I jump in the shower.

00:30:58.000 I just wipe once.

00:30:59.000 You shower every time?

00:31:00.000 Every time.

00:31:01.000 Wow. 1.00

00:31:01.000 You shower every time you shit? 1.00

00:31:03.000 Unless I'm like at a public restroom, but my shit's consistent in the morning. 1.00

00:31:07.000 When I wake up 10 o'clock... 0.99

00:31:09.000 I'm ready to go.

00:31:10.000 I have a bidet.

00:31:11.000 I never even used that thing.

00:31:12.000 You have a bidet?

00:31:12.000 Oh, Chris from Fleshlight.

00:31:13.000 Did he tell you about the bidet? 1.00

00:31:15.000 He has a bidet that has like a laser that finds your asshole, then shoots water at your asshole at the same temperature of your skin, and then it comes out with another laser that shoots and finds the hair dry, and it dries your asshole. 1.00

00:31:26.000 Yeah, well, I heard about it in Japan. 1.00

00:31:28.000 They have these.

00:31:29.000 They're toilet seats.

00:31:30.000 It's not a bidet.

00:31:31.000 It's actually a whole system.

00:31:33.000 Yeah, Murray Smith.

00:31:35.000 Maurice called me up and Maurice Smith called me up and said, Joseph, this is a great business opportunity, okay?

00:31:41.000 Listen to this.

00:31:41.000 He starts telling me about toilet seats.

00:31:43.000 I tell you what, it's not a bad idea because that's one technology that has not changed since I was a kid, you were a kid.

00:31:50.000 It's the same.

00:31:50.000 Wow, you got a cushion.

00:31:52.000 That's it? 1.00

00:31:53.000 They perfected that shit. 1.00

00:31:54.000 Yeah, but no one's going to buy them. 1.00

00:31:57.000 It's hard to get people.

00:31:58.000 If it was $300, I would buy it.

00:31:59.000 $300?

00:32:00.000 Yes.

00:32:00.000 It's probably a lot more than that, though.

00:32:01.000 It probably really is. 1.00

00:32:02.000 Man, it lasers your asshole. 1.00

00:32:05.000 Man, that shit's got to cost like $7,000. 1.00

00:32:09.000 Cheeks and shit probably use that, you know what I mean? 1.00

00:32:11.000 It blow dries you. 1.00

00:32:12.000 Dude, it has a laser?

00:32:14.000 If it was $500 installed, I would buy it.

00:32:16.000 No way.

00:32:17.000 $500, you would.

00:32:18.000 Yes. 1.00

00:32:19.000 The ones that are $500 are going to miss your asshole. 1.00

00:32:21.000 It's going to get your butt cheek. 1.00

00:32:22.000 Yeah, I know.

00:32:23.000 They're going to hurt. 0.99

00:32:23.000 They're going to hurt your butt. 0.99

00:32:24.000 It's going to be pounding in there. 1.00

00:32:25.000 It's going to splatter all the shit around your balls. 1.00

00:32:28.000 Throw some heat warmers on that. 1.00

00:32:29.000 I would do $600.

00:32:30.000 They have warmers, too.

00:32:31.000 That's the other thing.

00:32:32.000 They're heated.

00:32:33.000 They're heated seats.

00:32:33.000 So you sit down.

00:32:34.000 It's all warm and comfy.

00:32:35.000 Put Bluetooth on it.

00:32:36.000 $700.

00:32:38.000 Bluetooth?

00:32:38.000 So do you have calls from there?

00:32:39.000 Yeah, a call from your toilet.

00:32:40.000 Can you imagine how it's speakers behind you?

00:32:42.000 Like really nice Bose speakers.

00:32:44.000 You're just sitting there talking while on the toilet.

00:32:45.000 But then someone, they hear the echo and they get mad at you. 0.99

00:32:48.000 Are you shitting and talking to me? 0.98

00:32:50.000 I told you to disconnect the Bluetooth on the toilet. 1.00

00:32:52.000 It'll have like a jawbone. 0.57

00:32:53.000 It'll have a second microphone that's like outside and it'll mix the two. 0.99

00:32:56.000 You ever talk to somebody that gets upset at you when you're talking to them when you're taking a shit? 0.99

00:33:00.000 No, they never figure it out. 0.99

00:33:02.000 I've told people before when they get upset.

00:33:04.000 I've told people, are you peeing?

00:33:05.000 I'm like, yeah, I'm peeing.

00:33:06.000 Is that okay?

00:33:07.000 I can hear you.

00:33:08.000 Are we pretending we don't pee? 1.00

00:33:09.000 Peeing ain't a big deal, but if you're on the phone and you shit and your ass explodes like one of those nuclear shits, you know what I mean? 1.00

00:33:18.000 Where you gotta clean the toilet. 1.00

00:33:21.000 There's only a few people I can do that with.

00:33:22.000 You don't usually want to do that when someone's on the phone.

00:33:25.000 Unless it's your buddy.

00:33:26.000 But if it's a girl or something.

00:33:27.000 Not for a business meeting.

00:33:28.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:33:29.000 I have FaceTime with Ari while shitting. 0.99

00:33:32.000 Sometimes I fart when I'm on the phone and I'm like, ooh, I hope they didn't hear that one. 0.99

00:33:35.000 I gotta pull a butt apart. 0.99

00:33:37.000 There was one time when Ari called me by FaceTime and he was shitting. 0.99

00:33:41.000 So I was like, you know what? 0.99

00:33:42.000 I have to poop too.

00:33:42.000 Let's do this.

00:33:43.000 FaceTime double shit. 0.99

00:33:45.000 I haven't used the FaceTime yet. 0.99

00:33:46.000 Do you guys like it?

00:33:47.000 Oh, it's great.

00:33:48.000 Now they have a beta on your Mac so you can FaceTime from a computer to iPhone.

00:33:52.000 So if somebody's at home, you'd be like, jump on your computer.

00:33:56.000 So now you can FaceTime between those two devices.

00:33:59.000 When is that really necessary?

00:34:00.000 It's like your girlfriend and she's on the other side of the world or something.

00:34:03.000 Well, yeah, you know, we're all on the road.

00:34:05.000 We're kids.

00:34:06.000 That's about it.

00:34:07.000 There's that.

00:34:07.000 Yeah, like your buddies.

00:34:09.000 Dude!

00:34:09.000 Dude, get on FaceTime, bro.

00:34:11.000 Who's gonna fucking do that? 0.97

00:34:13.000 Well, we talked about this before, that eventually we're gonna have little cameras in front of us on, like, fishing poles, you know, that are hanging from our hats. 0.98

00:34:19.000 It's probably gonna be just, like, fishing poles.

00:34:21.000 It's probably gonna be, like, hovering.

00:34:23.000 Yeah, it'll be floating with you, right?

00:34:24.000 It'll be a proximity droid.

00:34:27.000 We're gonna miss the best technology with the oldest technology.

00:34:30.000 Yeah.

00:34:31.000 Fishing poles?

00:34:33.000 You don't feel the need for it, but that's what I used to say about text messages.

00:34:37.000 Remember I used to joke about it takes you four presses to get an S? It was like a part of my act.

00:34:42.000 Remember the whole thing about Nextel?

00:34:45.000 They don't have walkie-talkies anymore, do they?

00:34:47.000 They still do that?

00:34:48.000 Yeah, I think they all do. 0.99

00:34:51.000 In Brazil, Nextel is like fucking Burger King there, dude. 1.00

00:34:54.000 They run shit. 1.00

00:34:55.000 They failed in the States. 1.00

00:34:57.000 They said, fuck it, we still got Brazil. 1.00

00:34:59.000 What? 1.00

00:34:59.000 Brazil? 1.00

00:35:00.000 Dude, Nextel is huge in Brazil.

00:35:02.000 Really?

00:35:02.000 Yep.

00:35:03.000 They love the walkie-talkie feature.

00:35:04.000 It's on Verizon too now.

00:35:05.000 It's on all of them.

00:35:06.000 You know, there's a funny story.

00:35:07.000 There was this dude in front of Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles, and he was on a speakerphone, and he was talking by himself.

00:35:13.000 He was just standing there by himself on a speakerphone talking and talking out loud, and you could hear his conversation.

00:35:17.000 And so I Twittered.

00:35:19.000 I said, what is it about black dudes that like to talk on the speakerphones when they're by themselves? 1.00

00:35:23.000 Like, what is the deal with that? 1.00

00:35:24.000 And all these fucking people got mad at me. 1.00

00:35:28.000 A lot of black people got mad at me. 1.00

00:35:30.000 Yo, that's dickish. 0.99

00:35:31.000 That was dickish. 0.97

00:35:32.000 I go, what the? 0.84

00:35:33.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 0.99

00:35:34.000 I didn't say shit about you, okay? 1.00

00:35:36.000 I said, what is it with all these black people that like to talk on speaker phones? 1.00

00:35:41.000 Just because you're black, and if you're doing that, I'm not dickish. 0.99

00:35:44.000 I'm just observing. 0.98

00:35:46.000 What is that?

00:35:46.000 That's a weird thing that I don't see that many white people doing, but I see a lot of black people doing.

00:35:50.000 And it's not a negative thing. 0.99

00:35:52.000 There's a lot of fucking douchey things that white people do too, but I'm not being racist here. 0.99

00:35:56.000 I'm observing something. 0.99

00:35:57.000 Are you saying that I'm not allowed to observe because you share the same melanin content as this person I'm observing?

00:36:03.000 And even though you're not even doing the same things they're doing? 1.00

00:36:05.000 That's fucking ridiculous. 0.99

00:36:07.000 We're real close with racism in this country, man. 1.00

00:36:10.000 We're real close to being ridiculous. 1.00

00:36:12.000 Yeah, well, it is ridiculous. 0.99

00:36:13.000 The whole thing is ridiculous. 0.99

00:36:15.000 Especially the whole anger between feeling like you have to fight somebody because of their race. 0.97

00:36:22.000 There's people beating up different races just because of what Yeah, there's that.

00:36:27.000 I mean, that's legit racism.

00:36:28.000 What I'm talking about is the opposite.

00:36:29.000 I'm talking about people looking to point the finger at racism when you're really just acknowledging something that's a fact.

00:36:36.000 I'm just seeing something.

00:36:37.000 I'm like, the fact that I said that they happen to be black? 0.94

00:36:41.000 Yeah, well, they do happen to be black. 0.99

00:36:42.000 So why do they do this? 0.89

00:36:43.000 Why do these brothers be doing that?

00:36:44.000 I don't know.

00:36:45.000 They just do it.

00:36:46.000 I don't know why they do it, but they do it.

00:36:47.000 Oh, you didn't get an answer?

00:36:48.000 No, no one has an answer. 0.99

00:36:49.000 No, but most people are saying they're attention whores, you know, and that's what, you know, I guess one of the reasons why people are getting mad at me is I was saying that black people are attention whores, which is not what I'm saying. 0.98

00:36:58.000 I'm saying I see a lot of black people that like to talk on their speakerphone when they're by themselves. 0.98

00:37:04.000 I don't see white people doing it.

00:37:05.000 It doesn't mean they're not doing it, but I'm asking.

00:37:07.000 It's like something I see.

00:37:09.000 Am I not allowed to see things because people are black? 1.00

00:37:11.000 Like, that's a tricky fucking road to walk down. 1.00

00:37:14.000 That's nonsense. 1.00

00:37:14.000 You know what? 1.00

00:37:15.000 Maybe it's because they don't want to get brain cancer, and they're just, you know, more concerned about it than white people, dude.

00:37:21.000 I know somebody that does that, though.

00:37:22.000 I know somebody that only talks using the speakerphone function for some reason.

00:37:26.000 Yeah, but not in public, outside.

00:37:27.000 No, they do it at Olive Garden.

00:37:30.000 Who is it?

00:37:31.000 Are they white?

00:37:32.000 Esther does that?

00:37:33.000 Oh! 0.98

00:37:34.000 She's black. 1.00

00:37:36.000 Or at least she likes black dick, for sure. 1.00

00:37:39.000 Why does she do that? 1.00

00:37:40.000 I have no idea.

00:37:42.000 I have no idea. 1.00

00:37:43.000 She records every single phone call between her and her parents, too, because her parents are so ridiculous. 0.94

00:37:48.000 But she's just really weird with her phone and phone calls. 0.92

00:37:50.000 That's funny, man.

00:37:52.000 Sorry about that.

00:37:53.000 I think it's cool.

00:37:54.000 I think it's cool.

00:37:56.000 Do you really?

00:37:57.000 No.

00:37:57.000 Just trying to help you out.

00:37:59.000 Yeah, it's a tricky thing, man. 0.98

00:38:01.000 There was a white girl at the airport who was talking her ass off. 1.00

00:38:05.000 Like, just really fucking loud, waiting to get on a plane. 0.99

00:38:09.000 And it was kind of annoying. 1.00

00:38:10.000 It's fucking annoying as shit, man. 0.99

00:38:11.000 You can have a normal conversation. 1.00

00:38:12.000 Just put that fucking thing up to your ear. 1.00

00:38:14.000 I usually cover my mouth with my hand. 1.00

00:38:17.000 I don't want people listening to my shit. 1.00

00:38:18.000 There's a big difference between someone sitting there going, Hey, yeah, what's up? 1.00

00:38:21.000 What's going on?

00:38:21.000 How you doing?

00:38:22.000 And someone going, Yo, what's up?

00:38:23.000 What's going on?

00:38:24.000 What are you doing?

00:38:25.000 Okay.

00:38:25.000 And then what happens?

00:38:26.000 And then the other person on the other hand.

00:38:28.000 I'm thinking we're going to come down there.

00:38:29.000 Alright, cool, cool. 1.00

00:38:32.000 Why do I have to listen to your shit, man? 1.00

00:38:33.000 This is loud. 1.00

00:38:34.000 Maybe she just does it around me. 1.00

00:38:36.000 Now I'm kind of paranoid that I said that.

00:38:39.000 You think she does it by herself?

00:38:41.000 Maybe, I don't know.

00:38:42.000 She does it around me a lot.

00:38:44.000 Maybe it's a security thing where she wants to do, like, hey, I'm talking to this person.

00:38:48.000 A guy.

00:38:49.000 You know what I mean?

00:38:50.000 I'm not hiding.

00:38:50.000 Maybe it's just around me.

00:38:52.000 Wow, she's being respectful. 0.99

00:38:53.000 I hope you don't fucking start a trend. 0.98

00:38:54.000 She's being respectful. 0.98

00:38:56.000 Yeah, but I should start doing it around her, I guess.

00:38:58.000 Yeah, it can't be that though.

00:38:59.000 It can't be that.

00:39:00.000 Because if it was...

00:39:01.000 No way. 0.98

00:39:02.000 We got a tricky thing in this world about people being too fucking sensitive. 0.99

00:39:05.000 There's a lot of too fucking sensitive people that can't take a joke. 0.99

00:39:08.000 Or even take a conversation. 0.98

00:39:11.000 How about this?

00:39:11.000 Michelle Obama, Obama's wife, is apparently the center of controversy because she shook a dude's hand.

00:39:19.000 She's in Indonesia, and there's a Muslim dude there, and they were saying hello, you know, they're meeting some dignitaries, and she shook his hand.

00:39:25.000 It's like all over the news. 0.99

00:39:27.000 That's so retarded. 1.00

00:39:28.000 All over the news. 1.00

00:39:29.000 Oh, wow.

00:39:30.000 She was being nice to somebody.

00:39:32.000 The Jesus people? 0.96

00:39:32.000 Oh, yeah, the Muslims. 0.96

00:39:34.000 They're losing their fucking marbles. 1.00

00:39:35.000 I can't wait. 1.00

00:39:35.000 Oh, the Muslims are losing their marbles. 1.00

00:39:37.000 Yes, very upset. 0.98

00:39:38.000 I think I pulled it up. 0.99

00:39:39.000 But anyway, the fucking story is, it's very simple. 0.99

00:39:43.000 Here it is. 0.99

00:39:43.000 Michelle Obama shakes hands with Indonesian information minister. 0.99

00:39:46.000 Whoa, try saying this dude's name.

00:39:48.000 Durka Durka?

00:39:50.000 Tifatusemburing.

00:39:55.000 As Obama arrived in Jakarta on Indonesia...

00:39:58.000 Apparently a conservative Muslim minister in Indonesia who is being criticized for shaking hands with Michelle Obama, thus violating his pious claim that he avoids contact with women not related to him.

00:40:11.000 As you're supposed to do in some sex of Islam. 1.00

00:40:15.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:40:16.000 2010, dude. 1.00

00:40:17.000 This is in the news.

00:40:18.000 Some woman shook a dude's hand. 1.00

00:40:20.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

00:40:22.000 He just wanted to get something that's touched Obama's dick. 1.00

00:40:26.000 You think so? 1.00

00:40:26.000 Yeah, he wanted a connection. 1.00

00:40:28.000 Like a Kevin Bacon connection to Obama's dick. 1.00

00:40:32.000 That is what you get if you shake her hand, right? 1.00

00:40:35.000 Yeah.

00:40:35.000 You get it all.

00:40:36.000 You get it all.

00:40:38.000 Get the whole package.

00:40:39.000 What if she became president one day?

00:40:42.000 Michelle Obama. 0.99

00:40:43.000 That would be fucking awesome. 1.00

00:40:44.000 Get a chick in there, and she's black. 1.00

00:40:47.000 That's beautiful. 0.87

00:40:48.000 That is beautiful. 1.00

00:40:49.000 If she could be running shit, if she was an exceptional person to run shit, I'd be down. 1.00

00:40:53.000 You know, the thing about chicks running shit is that they have to be... 1.00

00:40:57.000 Really good at running shit. 1.00

00:40:58.000 They can't just be hot. 1.00

00:41:00.000 That's the problem with this fucking Sarah Palin thing. 1.00

00:41:02.000 There's all these faggots out there that think that she's good enough to be president because they want to fuck her. 1.00

00:41:06.000 I was talking about this on stage. 1.00

00:41:07.000 They think that life is like a fucking Kevin Bacon movie where you're the last vote that counts. 0.97

00:41:11.000 And then she finds out that you're the one who got her elected president, so she comes to meet you in an unlikely romance blossoms. 1.00

00:41:17.000 There's a lot of idiots that are willing to vote for Palin because they really do think she's hot. 1.00

00:41:22.000 But I mean, look, if you can get some genius, brilliant woman to be running shit, I'd be just as down with that. 1.00

00:41:27.000 But a dumb bitch? 1.00

00:41:28.000 No. 1.00

00:41:29.000 No.

00:41:29.000 She's never going to become president.

00:41:31.000 No.

00:41:31.000 Palin?

00:41:32.000 No.

00:41:32.000 Well, you know what?

00:41:33.000 I wouldn't say never, dude, because I would have never believed she would have the following that she has.

00:41:37.000 But everyone knows, everyone that has had a TV for the last year and a half, two years, have seen every single skit with her.

00:41:44.000 And even if you like her, you have that in the back of your mind.

00:41:47.000 Yeah.

00:41:47.000 Only you do.

00:41:48.000 You're not retarded. 1.00

00:41:49.000 See, dude, 50 plus percent of this country is almost retarded. 1.00

00:41:54.000 There's a giant number of people that are so fucking dumb that there could be some other issue. 1.00

00:41:59.000 Look, how about this Jan Brewer chick? 1.00

00:42:01.000 Do you know who she is?

00:42:02.000 She's the woman who was made governor of Arizona because the original governor left and went to... 0.99

00:42:08.000 What is her name?

00:42:10.000 I forgot.

00:42:10.000 Went to the Obama campaign.

00:42:12.000 Anyway, the point is this Jan Brewer woman is nuts. 1.00

00:42:15.000 She's nuts and old and can't fucking talk. 1.00

00:42:18.000 And she goes on these debates and she paused. 1.00

00:42:20.000 She went on a debate.

00:42:21.000 She's debating with this other guy who's running for governor.

00:42:23.000 She paused for 10 seconds.

00:42:25.000 Said nothing. 1.00

00:42:26.000 Just was stammering and not knowing what to do and moving her hands and shit. 1.00

00:42:30.000 She had a full brain lock. 1.00

00:42:32.000 This bitch lied about there being dead bodies on the Mexican border with their heads chopped off. 1.00

00:42:37.000 And then everybody went, well, where are the bodies? 1.00

00:42:39.000 Where's the autopsy reports?

00:42:41.000 Where's the police reports? 1.00

00:42:42.000 And it turns out it was all just horse shit. 1.00

00:42:44.000 She lied about her fucking father dying in World War II. Wow. 1.00

00:42:47.000 She said, my father died defending him.

00:42:49.000 No, she didn't.

00:42:50.000 He didn't die in World War II. She made it up. 0.91

00:42:52.000 He died during World War II. No!

00:42:54.000 He didn't even.

00:42:55.000 He's still alive! 0.98

00:42:56.000 Oh, that's ridiculous. 0.96

00:42:56.000 That was the guy who was alive until recently? 0.96

00:42:58.000 Oh, he's still alive.

00:42:58.000 He's either still alive or alive until recently.

00:42:59.000 Maybe his soul, a piece of his soul died during World War II. She's just a dumb cunt, more likely. 1.00

00:43:04.000 Now, she won! 1.00

00:43:06.000 And you know why she won?

00:43:07.000 Because she supports this crazy new immigration law. 0.92

00:43:10.000 She wants to keep all the Mexicans out of Arizona. 1.00

00:43:12.000 Hey, that's why I draw the line. 0.99

00:43:13.000 And most of Arizona is white people. 1.00

00:43:15.000 Most of Arizona is crazy old white people. 1.00

00:43:18.000 And they're like, you know... 1.00

00:43:19.000 Fuck that, man. 1.00

00:43:20.000 Arizona is a nutty place, man. 1.00

00:43:22.000 We have a good time there because people like to party and the shows are always fun there.

00:43:25.000 People are always looking for fun stuff to do. 0.99

00:43:27.000 But if you look at Arizona as a state, it's kind of a wonky fucking state, man. 0.99

00:43:31.000 Totally. 0.99

00:43:31.000 You're allowed to just have guns there, dude. 0.99

00:43:33.000 You could just be walking around with a gun in your pocket. 0.98

00:43:35.000 You have to with all the Mexicans. 1.00

00:43:38.000 They got guns. 0.96

00:43:40.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Eddie Bravo is Mexican. 1.00

00:43:41.000 So before you start fucking firing up your pen and getting crazy with your hate mail and firing up your Twitter account. 0.99

00:43:47.000 Yes, it's totally okay. 1.00

00:43:49.000 I could fucking make fun of burritos all day. 1.00

00:43:51.000 Do you have anybody that you're following on Twitter that you're following just because they're dumb? 1.00

00:43:57.000 That you can talk about? 0.98

00:43:58.000 No, not that I could talk.

00:43:59.000 Oh, well, you know, no.

00:44:01.000 Yeah, you gotta be nice, right? 1.00

00:44:02.000 Shit. 1.00

00:44:03.000 No. 1.00

00:44:04.000 Yeah.

00:44:05.000 I like... 0.99

00:44:07.000 Ridiculously dumb tweets or funny tweets. 1.00

00:44:11.000 In-between shit, I'm not into. 1.00

00:44:14.000 When dudes just tweet motivational shit that they've heard. 1.00

00:44:19.000 Come on, man. 1.00

00:44:21.000 Enough of that shit. 1.00

00:44:22.000 I love motivational ones. 1.00

00:44:24.000 I love dudes who are older who give advice.

00:44:28.000 Steve Harvey is my current favorite. 0.99

00:44:29.000 Check this shit out. 1.00

00:44:31.000 This is a tweet. 1.00

00:44:32.000 I save him.

00:44:32.000 I save his tweets.

00:44:34.000 Your relationship with a man is either off or on.

00:44:37.000 It cannot be off and on.

00:44:39.000 Ladies, you have the power. 1.00

00:44:41.000 Stop allowing the back and forth. 1.00

00:44:44.000 Damn, he's like a black Dr. Phil. 1.00

00:44:48.000 Well, first of all, how do you know that the chick isn't just looking to get some dick, alright? 1.00

00:44:52.000 Yeah, it's off and on. 1.00

00:44:53.000 People are crazy, man, and they can always work out.

00:44:55.000 It's a trick. 1.00

00:44:56.000 He's trying to get bitches. 1.00

00:44:57.000 He's trying to get them to like them. 0.99

00:44:58.000 Appear sensitive, right?

00:44:59.000 Is that what it is?

00:45:00.000 Totally.

00:45:00.000 Here's another one.

00:45:02.000 Good morning.

00:45:03.000 God will perform the unexpected time and time again if you just let him.

00:45:08.000 Talk to God.

00:45:10.000 Don't be too proud to pray.

00:45:15.000 How many followers does he have?

00:45:16.000 I got prayed right after I heard that.

00:45:17.000 How many followers does he have?

00:45:18.000 I don't know.

00:45:19.000 He's got a lot.

00:45:19.000 Steve Harvey's a famous guy.

00:45:21.000 I bet he's got...

00:45:22.000 100,000?

00:45:23.000 Probably something like that.

00:45:24.000 Yeah.

00:45:24.000 I just hit 200,000.

00:45:26.000 Bam! 0.98

00:45:27.000 That's incredible.

00:45:28.000 Congratulations.

00:45:28.000 Thank you very much.

00:45:29.000 That means something to me.

00:45:31.000 How many a day do you get normally at adders?

00:45:34.000 A few hundred.

00:45:35.000 A few hundred?

00:45:35.000 Yeah.

00:45:35.000 I like how it continues.

00:45:37.000 Once you get to a certain point, you notice that you get an average of a certain amount per day.

00:45:40.000 I only have 16,000.

00:45:42.000 I treat it like a little platform.

00:45:47.000 Like Farmville?

00:45:47.000 Like a little comedy world.

00:45:48.000 It's your Farmville.

00:45:50.000 There's a lot of times where I get on there and I just promote gigs. 0.87

00:45:53.000 A lot of times I find cool shit that I find online, like that Italian song, where that American guy, or that Italian guy was speaking, he was singing in an American accent. 0.79

00:46:02.000 It was like gibberish. 0.94

00:46:04.000 It wasn't real American words.

00:46:05.000 Sim talk.

00:46:05.000 But what he thought...

00:46:06.000 Can you find that?

00:46:07.000 Here, this is what it is.

00:46:08.000 I would love to hear that.

00:46:09.000 Someone making fun of an American accent but not really using words?

00:46:11.000 It's really interesting.

00:46:13.000 Yeah, it's really interesting.

00:46:14.000 And it's kind of a cool song.

00:46:15.000 And if you see the video... 0.99

00:46:16.000 But I'll tweet shit like that or science tweets. 0.99

00:46:18.000 I was going to tweet something today. 0.99

00:46:20.000 They fired up the Large Hadron Collider and made thousands of little big bangs.

00:46:24.000 They've started doing that, man.

00:46:25.000 That's become a reality.

00:46:27.000 They're really doing it now.

00:46:28.000 Nice.

00:46:29.000 So they have all these photos at the CERN lab. 1.00

00:46:31.000 It's fascinating, fascinating fucking shit, man. 1.00

00:46:33.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:34.000 But, you know, so there's that I do.

00:46:36.000 And then I also, like, I treat it like it's a little audience.

00:46:39.000 You know, I think you got to give people things, man.

00:46:41.000 When you're looking to promote gigs and use the internet and shit like this, you know, you can't just promote. 0.99

00:46:47.000 You got to give them some shit, too. 0.99

00:46:49.000 So, like, the other day I was watching Ancient Aliens. 1.00

00:46:50.000 I spent, like, a whole hour just tweeting, talking shit on Ancient Aliens. 0.98

00:46:55.000 Yeah, the new season is so bad. 0.99

00:46:57.000 Well, the first season was incredible.

00:46:59.000 The first season's awesome. 0.99

00:47:00.000 They ran out of shit to talk about. 0.99

00:47:02.000 They're trying to, you know... 1.00

00:47:04.000 It was crazy, all the shit they were saying, but if you look at it this way, if you don't believe in UFOs, then that sounds ridiculous. 0.96

00:47:13.000 But if you do believe, if you watch the Disclosure Project and you listen to all of Philip Corso's testimony, the guy who used to work for the... 0.99

00:47:21.000 He used to be in the Pentagon and fucking head of nuclear energy in Europe and all that shit. 0.95

00:47:25.000 When you hear his confessions and... 0.99

00:47:27.000 Like the deathbed confession of General Ramey. 0.99

00:47:30.000 If you believe in UFOs, then fucking anything is possible. 0.98

00:47:36.000 Then that means they must have been here several times at least. 0.98

00:47:40.000 And if they were around during the Greek time, they must have tripped out on them. 1.00

00:47:44.000 That must have been big news, like these motherfuckers. 0.99

00:47:47.000 And they must have talked... 1.00

00:47:49.000 I drew about it, painted about it, talked about it, wrote some scripture about it or something.

00:47:56.000 It's not that far-fetched, but they were coming to some ridiculous conclusions about the paintings in India that maybe this was an alien.

00:48:06.000 Well, the Mahabharata, that's a fascinating text.

00:48:09.000 The ancient text of ancient Hinduism is riddled with stories of flying things and things that flew through the air.

00:48:18.000 But you also have to realize that these people took a lot of drugs.

00:48:22.000 These people were into heavy psychedelic drugs.

00:48:24.000 I mean, mana to the… You know, in the ancient Hindu texts, they believe it's some sort of a combination of psilocybin mushrooms and a bunch of other different things.

00:48:32.000 There's a bunch of debate about what mana is.

00:48:34.000 But it's very clear that they were referencing something that connected them to the psychedelic world. 0.99

00:48:40.000 And if it was something that connected them to the psychedelic world, you know, and I know, you're going to see some shit. 0.99

00:48:46.000 It doesn't mean that the shit you're seeing is not real. 0.99

00:48:49.000 You know, when you see... 0.99

00:48:50.000 Like, when people think of hallucinations...

00:48:52.000 Like you think of, oh, you took a drug and you saw a monkey that wasn't really there and he, you know, you think of something fake.

00:48:59.000 But what you see a lot of times when you take psychedelic drugs is not like the rest of the world and then all of a sudden some new fake thing shows up.

00:49:07.000 It shows you like a whole new world.

00:49:10.000 It shows you like a whole...

00:49:11.000 It's a hallucination world, which may or may not be real.

00:49:16.000 What might be happening when you take big doses of any crazy drug is you might be tuning in to the next door neighbor channel.

00:49:24.000 The whole world might be a fucking radio of a million different channels and we might be on 106.4 and there's a 106.5 and it's right next door and when you take mushrooms you go there.

00:49:35.000 So, you know, these guys saying that they saw these flying things and talking about all these majestic beings with all this wisdom, that very easily could have been drugs. 0.97

00:49:46.000 Very easily.

00:49:47.000 Yeah, it could be both.

00:49:49.000 I mean, just because you have a psychedelic experience doesn't mean that...

00:49:52.000 I don't know how much I believe, very skeptical about Crafts from another planet that come here that are metal and the traditional idea of just doing a super advanced version of what we already do.

00:50:09.000 I look at that and I go, I don't think so.

00:50:12.000 This just seems too silly. 0.58

00:50:13.000 It seems too mechanical. 0.78

00:50:15.000 A lot of testimony, dude.

00:50:16.000 Yeah, but it doesn't matter. 0.50

00:50:17.000 There's a lot of testimony of people being raped by demons.

00:50:19.000 You can go back in time and find thousands of people who've been exercised.

00:50:23.000 Yeah, but these people aren't organizing and getting in front of Washington, D.C., and the national press, and they don't have credible witness, like hundreds of them, and Philip Corso, and all these guys that, like, in their deathbed.

00:50:36.000 Like, you watch the testimonies, like, do you think these guys are lying?

00:50:39.000 Right, okay.

00:50:39.000 Well, you know, that's true, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they are telling the truth.

00:50:43.000 It might mean they're wrong.

00:50:44.000 It might mean that there's some crazy government experiments that they're not aware of.

00:50:48.000 For sure.

00:50:48.000 I believe in that.

00:50:49.000 I believe there's definitely a lot of the shit, maybe most of the shit that people see and report are our own government-making shit. 1.00

00:50:57.000 But if you listen to Philip Corso's testimony, he's saying, yes, a lot of that shit is our shit. 1.00

00:51:02.000 Did Philip Corso say that he saw things himself personally? 1.00

00:51:06.000 Yes, he did.

00:51:06.000 What did he say he saw?

00:51:07.000 He was part of Roswell, right?

00:51:10.000 He wasn't at Roswell, but he was involved in the shipping of stuff.

00:51:14.000 He said he saw the bodies.

00:51:16.000 He said that he was in charge.

00:51:18.000 Physically saw them or saw the coffins?

00:51:19.000 No, no, he saw them. 1.00

00:51:20.000 He said he opened the coffins, saw them, and said, oh shit. 0.99

00:51:23.000 And he knew so much that he was in charge of taking crashed UFO shit and taking it to, this is what he said, taking it to like Hughes Aircraft and McDonnell Douglas, getting reverse engineering shit going. 0.99

00:51:36.000 Well, the fascinating story about Roswell, and everybody thinks that Roswell is a silly, stupid story, and no one knows exactly what happened. 0.99

00:51:42.000 It could have been some sort of a Soviet craft that crashed. 0.93

00:51:45.000 But the fascinating part is that they flew the wreckage in two separate planes.

00:51:50.000 Because they wanted to make sure if one plane crashed, they had a good chance that the other plane would make it to Wright-Patterson Air Force Base.

00:51:57.000 They made sure they separated the wreckage.

00:51:59.000 There's just so much evidence.

00:52:01.000 Even today with the Shanghai airport in China. 0.99

00:52:08.000 Closed down twice within a few months because there was some shit right over the airport. 0.98

00:52:12.000 They didn't know what it was. 0.99

00:52:13.000 They shut everything down. 1.00

00:52:14.000 I mean, just shit like that all over the world. 1.00

00:52:17.000 I mean, there actually is evidence. 0.99

00:52:19.000 I mean, people are put away for life with no video, no pictures of the crime, just testimony.

00:52:25.000 Man, they're just listening to testimony and putting people away for multiple life sentences.

00:52:30.000 When you put all All the evidence together.

00:52:32.000 Just look up Philip Corso with a C. There's hours and hours of him just talking about it. 0.99

00:52:37.000 He wrote a book about it before he was an old motherfucker. 1.00

00:52:40.000 He was on Dateline and shit. 0.99

00:52:41.000 I think an even more compelling one is Dr. J. Allen Hynek. 0.99

00:52:46.000 Exactly.

00:52:47.000 He was working on Project Blue Book, and he was assigned to discredit UFO stories.

00:52:54.000 What his job was, as he explained it, was when he would hear about something, he would come up with a reason that it was something else.

00:53:00.000 Swamp gas. 0.99

00:53:01.000 Yeah, swamp gas, circular ball lightning, all this different shit. 0.95

00:53:04.000 He was hired for that by the government, like in the 50s and 60s. 0.78

00:53:07.000 And then, when Project Blue Book shut down, he dedicated his entire life to investigating UFOs and enlightening people on it.

00:53:14.000 Totally.

00:53:15.000 And he talks about it.

00:53:16.000 I mean, there's interviews where he's like, I was...

00:53:18.000 And then there's like a new theory now.

00:53:20.000 The new theory is that the government wants everyone to believe in UFOs to keep their projects under wrap, like their black projects under wrap.

00:53:30.000 I'm like, what was this Project Blue Book?

00:53:32.000 And all this stuff where they were saying that it was swamp gas.

00:53:35.000 They were trying to calm everybody down.

00:53:37.000 Why were they lying?

00:53:38.000 I mean, they would have just said, yeah, you know what?

00:53:41.000 We don't know what it is.

00:53:42.000 It's probably from...

00:53:44.000 Another galaxy, but we don't know, but we assure you we're going to do whatever it takes to protect you. 0.99

00:53:48.000 If they really wanted people to believe in UFOs, they would be saying that shit, not covering it up. 0.98

00:53:52.000 So, I mean, if you look at the Philip Corso testimony, look at the disclosure project. 0.99

00:53:58.000 There's already been at least two of them.

00:54:00.000 I mean, there's so much...

00:54:02.000 And, like, the top scientists of Europe all got together.

00:54:06.000 I forget what the committees call it, like international groups.

00:54:09.000 They came together in France, And they looked at all the UFO testimony and all the shit, and they said, 15%, it's probably beings from another galaxy or another solar system. 0.90

00:54:24.000 That's what they said. 0.97

00:54:25.000 All of them could have been explained away, but the 15%, they said, hmm...

00:54:31.000 That's a weird conclusion though.

00:54:33.000 Why would they not conclude that it was something from this earth that we haven't discovered yet?

00:54:36.000 Especially when you look at the ocean.

00:54:38.000 Well, that's what they concluded. 0.99

00:54:40.000 They concluded that all the other shit, 85% of all the shit they looked, that could be man-made, that could be this, this is probably some reflection of the sun. 0.99

00:54:49.000 15% they said it's most likely... 0.99

00:54:53.000 Because based on the pictures and the way that... 0.98

00:54:55.000 They got some shit from like satellite pictures of craft coming from the top down that they couldn't explain. 1.00

00:55:01.000 They're like, man, what the fuck is... 1.00

00:55:03.000 Moving... 1.00

00:55:04.000 You know, there's so much shit. 0.99

00:55:06.000 I've seen some weird shit of things moving and then changing angles and changing direction and moving another way. 1.00

00:55:10.000 The big incident that happened at the U.S. military installation in the U.K., when there's 80 motherfuckers that saw this aircraft, three of them came up to it as it was parked. 0.98

00:55:22.000 They touched it. 0.97

00:55:23.000 They took notes.

00:55:24.000 They're in the disclosure process. 0.99

00:55:25.000 Three of them went up to it, and 80 of them were all around going, holy shit. 0.97

00:55:29.000 But that's possible that it was a drone. 0.98

00:55:31.000 That's possible that it was something from America.

00:55:33.000 When they said it took off, it disappeared.

00:55:36.000 It was gone.

00:55:37.000 If you have a drone, especially if we're talking about different alternative sources of power, we don't know exactly what they think about. 1.00

00:55:42.000 None of those motherfuckers. 1.00

00:55:44.000 And it came back. 1.00

00:55:46.000 They sent a guy to look into it.

00:55:48.000 And that guy's in the Disclosure Project, too.

00:55:50.000 Like, two days later, they sent the guy to calm everyone down.

00:55:53.000 And they came back and they saw it and these guys are all...

00:55:56.000 And the military, the UK embassy, the Ministry of Defense, they came up to them and asked them, what are we going to do about this?

00:56:07.000 What was that?

00:56:08.000 They go, if it doesn't concern national security, we're not getting involved.

00:56:14.000 If it doesn't secure...

00:56:15.000 And we feel that it doesn't...

00:56:17.000 Okay, but here's the problem with this whole story, okay?

00:56:20.000 You weren't there, I wasn't there, we're just talking about what we heard people talking about.

00:56:23.000 We don't know exactly what went down. 0.99

00:56:25.000 And until you talk to these people, you don't know how many of them are full of shit, how many of them are exaggerating, how many of them are traumatized... 1.00

00:56:31.000 That's why I say, based on the shit that you see, if you actually look into it, and then you make the judgment, you're making the judgment, damn! 1.00

00:56:39.000 If you haven't seen the testimony, then yeah, we don't know what he said. 1.00

00:56:43.000 What I'm saying is it doesn't matter.

00:56:45.000 It's all on testimony.

00:56:46.000 When you're basing it on testimony, you don't know anything about these people.

00:56:49.000 You never know how much of it you're getting square.

00:56:52.000 And this is what they said, too. 0.97

00:56:53.000 They said the response to the British Ministry of Defense saying, if it doesn't concern national security, we're not going to get involved, then 80 people fucking hallucinated then. 1.00

00:57:07.000 And they got 80 people that are full of shit. 1.00

00:57:11.000 It means neither. 1.00

00:57:13.000 That's not true.

00:57:14.000 It means that 80 people were not aware of what they were looking at.

00:57:17.000 That's all it means.

00:57:18.000 Military people, they're trained to observe.

00:57:21.000 They're in the military.

00:57:23.000 It doesn't mean anything. 0.92

00:57:23.000 If the military people that are in the know, the people that are there at the scene of the crime or the scene of the landing, if they're not aware of the technology that's available to the highest levels of government, they're not aware of whatever experimental shit they're working on, It might as well be from another planet. 0.92

00:57:38.000 So what are they going to say? 0.72

00:57:39.000 If they don't know about it...

00:57:40.000 Of course.

00:57:41.000 Nobody knows.

00:57:42.000 Nobody was there.

00:57:43.000 But to make a judgment based on the testimony, you can totally not believe it and go, you know what?

00:57:48.000 I don't believe these guys.

00:57:49.000 Or you could look at it and say, I'm going to look at it with an open mind. 1.00

00:57:52.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:57:52.000 80 dudes that are trained observers. 1.00

00:57:54.000 Three went up to it and touched it.

00:57:56.000 They said...

00:57:57.000 They're saying it. 1.00

00:57:57.000 It's out of this fucking world. 1.00

00:57:59.000 Definitely. 1.00

00:58:00.000 They're saying it.

00:58:01.000 That's what they're...

00:58:02.000 They're in the military. 0.98

00:58:04.000 The British Ministry of Defense is fucking not even looking into it at all. 0.98

00:58:08.000 Dude, I hear you. 0.97

00:58:10.000 But it's still a bunch of people's testimony about something they saw.

00:58:14.000 They might not have known what they were seeing. 0.99

00:58:16.000 And then you add all the shit around. 0.99

00:58:19.000 That's just one incident. 0.99

00:58:20.000 Then you look at all of it.

00:58:21.000 You connect all the dots.

00:58:22.000 You can make a decision. 0.99

00:58:25.000 And my decision, Mike, is that there's some shit going on. 0.99

00:58:28.000 That's how I feel. 0.99

00:58:29.000 Okay.

00:58:29.000 My decision is not that at all.

00:58:31.000 My decision is that there's a lot of people with a lot of stories, and we know for a fact that there are a fuckload of experimental government aircrafts that they use.

00:58:41.000 For sure.

00:58:45.000 And, you know, all these people are just telling their version of a story, something that they saw.

00:58:50.000 I believe that they saw something.

00:58:51.000 I do not believe that they know it was from another world.

00:58:54.000 So them even saying it was from another world. 0.99

00:58:56.000 People want shit to be romantic. 1.00

00:58:59.000 They want shit to be little gray men that come here in spaceships from Palladias, wherever the fuck they're coming from in the galaxy. 1.00

00:59:05.000 They want that. 1.00

00:59:06.000 They look for that shit. 1.00

00:59:07.000 Fall in love. 1.00

00:59:08.000 That's all true, what you're saying.

00:59:09.000 So you don't believe that there's UFOs?

00:59:11.000 What is this believe, man?

00:59:12.000 You either believe or you don't believe.

00:59:14.000 That's not true.

00:59:15.000 I believe it.

00:59:15.000 That is not true.

00:59:16.000 You do not have to believe that something is real or something's not real.

00:59:19.000 You just go, I don't know.

00:59:21.000 Because that's the only rational explanation.

00:59:23.000 Yeah, but...

00:59:24.000 You can't say you believe, because when you believe, you throw everything else out the door.

00:59:28.000 You say, well, this is, I believe there are UFOs.

00:59:30.000 I believe that aliens have landed here.

00:59:32.000 I don't believe that.

00:59:33.000 I don't believe we know.

00:59:34.000 I don't believe that we're absolutely convinced, and I don't believe... 1.00

00:59:38.000 So you believe that Philip Corso was a crazy man and he was full of shit? 1.00

00:59:42.000 What are you doing? 1.00

00:59:43.000 Adding words to what I'm saying?

00:59:44.000 No, I'm not saying that's my 12-year-old.

00:59:45.000 Based on what you saw from Philip Corso. 1.00

00:59:49.000 I believe he's out there sucking cock and taking the ass and he's doing drugs and he didn't even know what he was saying. 1.00

00:59:54.000 How about that? 1.00

00:59:54.000 Is that better? 1.00

00:59:56.000 Dude, Philip Corso's just a guy, man.

00:59:58.000 I mean, he's a guy that said he saw some bodies, and he's a guy that used to work for the military.

01:00:02.000 Is he credible?

01:00:03.000 For the Pentagon.

01:00:03.000 He was the head of nuclear energy in Europe.

01:00:07.000 Okay. 1.00

01:00:07.000 George Bush was the president, and he's an idiot. 1.00

01:00:09.000 Does it matter? 1.00

01:00:10.000 Does it matter, like, how high he got up there? 1.00

01:00:11.000 It's very clear to me that the entire government is riddled with fucking idiots. 1.00

01:00:16.000 There's idiots all over the place It was he an idiot. 1.00

01:00:18.000 I don't think so. 1.00

01:00:19.000 He seemed like an interesting guy. 1.00

01:00:21.000 Did he see some shit? 1.00

01:00:22.000 I don't know what did he see in those those bodies? 1.00

01:00:25.000 What were they who the fuck knows? 1.00

01:00:26.000 They might have been mutants They might have been fucking radiation disasters. 1.00

01:00:30.000 They might have been little children that had a disease I don't know. 0.99

01:00:33.000 I don't know how much he saw it.

01:00:34.000 I don't know how close he got to it I don't know, you know, what how much information he was really truly pretty you think OJ is guilty you I don't know if OJ's guilty.

01:00:44.000 I would assume he is.

01:00:45.000 There's a lot of evidence.

01:00:46.000 Two dead people, knives, blood in his car.

01:00:48.000 It's a little different than some dude who says he saw UFOs and doesn't know what it is.

01:00:53.000 So why did they let him free? 0.99

01:00:55.000 What the fuck are we talking about OJ for, man? 1.00

01:00:57.000 That's silly. 0.99

01:00:57.000 Well, we're talking about evidence and testimony and all that stuff. 0.99

01:01:00.000 That's what we're talking about. 0.99

01:01:01.000 Well, because the jury system's fucked up. 0.99

01:01:02.000 That's why. 1.00

01:01:03.000 Because black people thought that it was, one, on their side. 0.97

01:01:06.000 That they were going to release him, and if it did not fit, you must acquit.

01:01:10.000 And they wanted to get back at the Rodney King verdict, and so they released him.

01:01:13.000 That's why.

01:01:13.000 That's not to do with UFOs.

01:01:15.000 Because they're like a couple that broke up that have to live together?

01:01:19.000 You have to be careful when you start talking about things that you haven't seen yourself.

01:01:23.000 This is just my opinion.

01:01:24.000 I'm in the same way with you.

01:01:26.000 Even if it was the most evidence ever, unless I knew for a fact, I saw it with my own eyes. 0.99

01:01:31.000 There's too much bullshit. 0.99

01:01:33.000 I don't follow anything. 1.00

01:01:35.000 Why stress out about it? 1.00

01:01:36.000 There's too much bullshit. 1.00

01:01:37.000 There's too many people who are full of shit. 1.00

01:01:39.000 Too many people exaggerate. 1.00

01:01:40.000 Too many people twist the truth.

01:01:41.000 And there's a big business in talking about UFOs.

01:01:44.000 And that's another thing to be careful of. 0.99

01:01:46.000 There's a gigantic business in writing books about this shit and doing lectures and seminars. 0.99

01:01:51.000 And these guys make a fucking good living traveling the country selling books and talking about UFOs. 0.98

01:01:57.000 Whenever you involve commerce in a very strange discussion, like the discussion of the potential reality of intelligent life from other planets, whenever you involve money in that, and money in the stories, then it becomes sort of a faction of show business. 0.97

01:02:12.000 Whitley Strieber is one of the fucking biggest proponents of the alien abduction story and wrote books on it, Communion, and had movies made about it. 0.99

01:02:21.000 And that guy is a fucking book writer. 0.99

01:02:24.000 He writes books. 1.00

01:02:25.000 He makes fiction.

01:02:26.000 He makes fiction and he created this whole thing about getting abducted by UFOs and everybody took it as fact. 0.99

01:02:33.000 Man, who the fuck knows if it's fact? 0.96

01:02:35.000 You got a guy who's a professional fiction man, and you don't know. 0.99

01:02:38.000 You don't know what's going on in his head.

01:02:41.000 There's no evidence.

01:02:42.000 It's like there may be UFOs.

01:02:45.000 Absolutely there may be.

01:02:46.000 There may be intelligent life from other planets.

01:02:49.000 Absolutely there may be.

01:02:50.000 But you can't just jump on yes.

01:02:53.000 Because you jump on yes.

01:02:54.000 Did I just jump on yes?

01:02:56.000 You jumped on yes.

01:02:56.000 Dude, I didn't jump on yes.

01:02:57.000 You know how much research I fucking... 0.98

01:03:00.000 I'm obsessed with UFOs. 0.98

01:03:01.000 I didn't just jump on it.

01:03:03.000 I listened to a lot of testimonies.

01:03:05.000 But I didn't just jump on it.

01:03:08.000 You're making it seem like I heard one testimony and then I deleted it.

01:03:12.000 I'm saying, look, if you listen to what I said, what I said was that unless you're experiencing it yourself, you don't know exactly what happened.

01:03:20.000 When you're talking about people that are talking about crafts that they think were from another world, you don't know where it really came from.

01:03:26.000 And that gets very, very tricky.

01:03:27.000 And if you choose to believe or not to believe, you're jumping on one side or another. 0.99

01:03:31.000 If you're saying, I don't think there are UFOs, I think everyone's full of shit, you're jumping on no. 0.99

01:03:37.000 And if you say, I do believe, I believe they're here, you're jumping on yes. 0.99

01:03:40.000 Even if there's a lot of what you think is evidence, unless you're seeing it yourself, unless it has been proven, which it clearly hasn't, it's clearly up for debate, even though there's a bunch of people that come forward, whether there's a hundred or a thousand and they have crazy stories about things that move too fast, who the fuck knows what that is? 0.75

01:03:57.000 Who knows? 0.60

01:03:58.000 Okay.

01:03:59.000 You don't believe in UFOs?

01:04:01.000 Wow.

01:04:02.000 Wow.

01:04:04.000 Dude, are you kidding?

01:04:05.000 You're kidding?

01:04:06.000 You're kidding, right?

01:04:07.000 I'm not kidding.

01:04:09.000 That's not what I'm saying.

01:04:11.000 I'm not saying that I don't believe in UFOs.

01:04:13.000 You're saying you don't know.

01:04:15.000 No one knows.

01:04:16.000 None of us know, man.

01:04:17.000 No, no, no.

01:04:17.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:04:18.000 When you believe something, it's like, you know, based on the evidence, I believe there's some shit going on with other galaxies. 0.88

01:04:26.000 It's certainly possible that there's life on other planets. 0.78

01:04:30.000 It's certainly possible.

01:04:31.000 It's also possible that life is a dream.

01:04:34.000 It's also possible that your life is imagination and you've made it all up.

01:04:38.000 And I'm a figment of your imagination.

01:04:39.000 And each player is in your life to provide you with some information and try to help you and move you along in a certain way.

01:04:45.000 It's very possible that this life is not even real.

01:04:48.000 It's very possible that I'm in your imagination and you're in mine and we self-create.

01:04:52.000 There's a lot of different possibilities, man.

01:04:54.000 It's possible.

01:04:55.000 But whether or not there's UFOs because some people that you don't know who you've never met saw some things that you never saw and said they wrote it down and had conferences and discussions about it.

01:05:04.000 I don't know.

01:05:05.000 I don't know about that.

01:05:07.000 Do you guys like sweet potato fries?

01:05:13.000 It's a tricky thing, man.

01:05:15.000 We attach ourselves to what we believe in.

01:05:18.000 And you, obviously, are getting attached to this idea of UFOs being real because you've spent so much time and invested so much time being fascinated by it.

01:05:27.000 I am as well.

01:05:28.000 I'm not just fascinated with it.

01:05:28.000 I'm fascinated with the testimony and putting it all together.

01:05:32.000 I am too.

01:05:32.000 You're making it sound like I'm mystically into it.

01:05:35.000 No, I'm not, man.

01:05:35.000 I'm not making it sound like that.

01:05:36.000 I am saying exactly what you're saying. 1.00

01:05:38.000 But I am fascinated by people, and I know that people are full of shit. 0.99

01:05:43.000 And I'm not assuming that all these people are pious. 0.99

01:05:45.000 I'm not assuming that all these people are completely honest and without an ulterior motive and telling exactly as they saw it the truth.

01:05:53.000 I'm not seeing that.

01:05:55.000 I'm seeing a bunch of believers.

01:05:56.000 And that's the problem. 0.97

01:05:58.000 Even if you saw something fucking completely insane, I don't want you telling me you know what it is. 0.95

01:06:03.000 I don't want you describing it that way. 0.97

01:06:05.000 I want you saying, I don't know what it was.

01:06:07.000 I want you to say, I think...

01:06:10.000 It could have been some sort of a craft that I'm not aware of.

01:06:13.000 That's what UFO means, man.

01:06:16.000 An identified flying object.

01:06:17.000 No, you're not saying UFO. You're saying aliens.

01:06:20.000 Right?

01:06:22.000 Yes.

01:06:22.000 Well, I'm not saying aliens.

01:06:23.000 I'm saying unknown.

01:06:25.000 Okay. 0.99

01:06:25.000 And when someone says they know and they start talking about it being from another planet, bitch, do you have, like, some fucking serial numbers you can track back to this planet? 0.99

01:06:33.000 Like, how do you know where it came from? 1.00

01:06:34.000 You don't know shit. 0.99

01:06:35.000 They're just taking a guess. 0.99

01:06:36.000 They see something in the sky.

01:06:37.000 I can't build it.

01:06:38.000 It must be from space.

01:06:39.000 I mean, it's that simple.

01:06:40.000 It's not that simple, man.

01:06:42.000 Like, I can't do it.

01:06:43.000 It's not that simple.

01:06:44.000 It is that simple if you want to claim you know where it came from.

01:06:46.000 Man, okay, okay.

01:06:47.000 You can't know.

01:06:48.000 You can't know.

01:06:49.000 No one's saying they know. 0.98

01:06:51.000 If you don't know, if you haven't seen it, you don't know where it came from, you haven't watched the video of it fucking flying off that planet and landing here, then there's a lot of fucking guesswork. 0.93

01:07:00.000 It's a romantic idea. 0.83

01:07:02.000 The idea seems so cool. 0.99

01:07:03.000 The idea that there's fucking aliens, it's tricky because you get sucked into it. 0.98

01:07:07.000 Like, it seems so awesome. 0.99

01:07:09.000 So does the Loch Ness Monster. 0.99

01:07:11.000 It's like we have this built-in shit in our head to look for unfound things. 0.99

01:07:14.000 It's nothing like the latinx monster, man. 1.00

01:07:16.000 The latinx monster is like Bigfoot. 1.00

01:07:18.000 Well, Bigfoot is a real animal.

01:07:21.000 They have isolated an animal called Gigantopithecus that they believe if human beings came down the Bering Strait, and they came from Asia.

01:07:30.000 Gigantopithecus lived in Asia as recently as 10,000 years ago.

01:07:33.000 It was a bipedal primate that was 8 to 10 feet tall.

01:07:38.000 So you believe in Bigfoot?

01:07:39.000 It's an animal.

01:07:40.000 Whether or not believe people see it... 1.00

01:07:42.000 Who the fuck knows, man? 0.99

01:07:44.000 There was woolly mammoths and saber-toothed tigers here 10,000 years ago. 1.00

01:07:47.000 Seven foot tall, giant fucking birds like a few hundred thousand years ago. 0.99

01:07:51.000 There was animals on this planet, in this continent, that don't exist anymore, that were pretty fucking crazy. 0.99

01:07:57.000 Saber-toothed tigers are crazier than Bigfoot. 0.99

01:08:00.000 Bigfoot's just another big monkey.

01:08:02.000 If Bigfoot was Gigantopithecus, it's just another large primate that went extinct.

01:08:07.000 Where is Bigfoot supposed to be living?

01:08:08.000 Pacific Northwest, which is, if you follow the traveling down the Bering Strait, which is where Indians came here.

01:08:15.000 American Indians originated in Siberia and Asia, and they came down from there.

01:08:21.000 America, what people don't realize is 10,000 years ago, half of America was under a mile-high sheet of ice.

01:08:28.000 This was covered in ice.

01:08:29.000 This was like a barren land.

01:08:31.000 But something dramatic happened to the environment of the Earth.

01:08:34.000 And the Ice Age, when it ended, America opened up.

01:08:38.000 And that's when people started moving here.

01:08:41.000 Some of the people had already moved here.

01:08:43.000 They found Chinese bodies here from 10,000 years ago.

01:08:46.000 But when people started moving here, they came from there.

01:08:50.000 They came from the Bering Strait.

01:08:51.000 That's like the number one theory of a big percentage of the American Indians.

01:08:54.000 So they came down from Asia, and this monkey lived in Asia. 0.99

01:08:58.000 And if this thing followed them... 0.99

01:09:00.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.98

01:09:01.000 Is there any compelling evidence for Loch Ness Monster? 0.99

01:09:03.000 There's pictures.

01:09:04.000 There's scans from radar.

01:09:06.000 They think it could be a big fish that could have got landlocked that was extinct in other places but not there.

01:09:11.000 The problem with Loch Ness is it's really murky.

01:09:14.000 They can't see.

01:09:15.000 And it could be a bunch of other things.

01:09:16.000 It could be a bunch of other things that people are misconstruing.

01:09:19.000 And there's been a bunch of hoaxes. 0.99

01:09:21.000 But when enough people have seen things, you've got to wonder, well, what the fuck is it? 0.99

01:09:25.000 Is it an eel? 0.99

01:09:26.000 You've got to think of all the animals that are real.

01:09:28.000 Is it a dolphin?

01:09:30.000 It's probably mostly floating wood and just people knowing the story and going, oh, there it is!

01:09:34.000 I saw it!

01:09:34.000 There's more evidence for Bigfoot or Loch Ness Monster?

01:09:37.000 Probably Bigfoot.

01:09:38.000 Because Bigfoot, there's the American Indians. 1.00

01:09:40.000 That's a big part of the lore of Bigfoot.

01:09:43.000 There's over 250 American Indian names for Bigfoot.

01:09:47.000 Bigfoot was born in the imagination of an American Indian that just wanted attention.

01:09:55.000 Bigfoot was born in the head of an American Indian that was just wanting attention. 0.96

01:10:02.000 Can you imagine one dude came up with that and it just spread over?

01:10:06.000 All the other ones is somebody hearing that same story and just being paranoid walking through the woods late at night. 1.00

01:10:11.000 It's like other tribes with these fucking costumes, like bear costumes. 1.00

01:10:16.000 The most compelling evidence about Bigfoot is actually the audio tapes. 1.00

01:10:20.000 There's these audio tapes of these crazy primate howls.

01:10:23.000 They've recorded in the Pacific Northwest. 0.99

01:10:25.000 And they're really fucking loud. 0.97

01:10:28.000 They're really loud and interesting. 0.97

01:10:29.000 And these have been done, you know, and supposedly by legit scientists.

01:10:34.000 They've recorded these sounds.

01:10:36.000 So it could be somebody let a monkey loose.

01:10:38.000 They had a crazy pet monkey. 1.00

01:10:40.000 And they let that motherfucker loose and he's screaming in the woods. 1.00

01:10:42.000 Joe, if we put you in the woods, you could make up some sounds that they would think was Bigfoot in Loch Ness Mountains or it's a baby. 1.00

01:10:48.000 What's the worst conspiracy theory?

01:10:49.000 Like the worst one?

01:10:50.000 Flat Earth.

01:10:51.000 There's people that believe the Earth is flat.

01:10:53.000 To the Young Earth, that's another bad one.

01:10:55.000 No, no, no.

01:10:56.000 Like today, people don't believe it's flat.

01:10:57.000 Young Earth?

01:10:58.000 Yeah, they believe the Young Earth.

01:10:59.000 Yeah, that's a big percentage of the Christian population. 0.92

01:11:01.000 There's a guy on Twitter, I follow him all the time, he's this crazy retarded Christian young earth guy who's always talking about the evidence against evolution. 1.00

01:11:11.000 These YouTube videos, you can't watch them for more than five minutes because the insanity radiates off the screen and it starts to get you.

01:11:19.000 Blonde hair, cute lips.

01:11:21.000 He's really nice.

01:11:21.000 Yeah, he's hot.

01:11:22.000 They believe that the earth is less than 10,000 years old.

01:11:25.000 A lot of people, more than 50% during a recent Gallup poll in the United States, believe that the earth is the age that's depicted in the Bible, which is less than 10,000 years old.

01:11:35.000 They probably don't even know what that is.

01:11:36.000 They're just going, did the Bible say that?

01:11:38.000 Yeah, yeah, it's the Bible.

01:11:39.000 Probably.

01:11:39.000 You know what I mean?

01:11:40.000 They're like, what does Jesus think?

01:11:42.000 Yeah, that's all they have to hear. 0.99

01:11:44.000 There's a lot of dumbass conspiracy theories. 0.99

01:11:46.000 Bigfoot's not the dumbest one. 1.00

01:11:48.000 Bigfoot, there's a real animal that they can lock that to. 1.00

01:11:51.000 It's like, if there's one, the Jersey Devil, some fucking giant monster that's like half... 0.99

01:11:56.000 Or the Chupacabra. 0.99

01:11:57.000 Yeah, the Texas one.

01:11:58.000 Well, the Chupacabra, they've narrowed that down too.

01:12:01.000 They think it's mange.

01:12:02.000 Mange on coyotes.

01:12:03.000 Because they've had dead coyotes that they've shot and killed that were covered in mange.

01:12:08.000 Dude, they don't even look real.

01:12:09.000 They look... 0.53

01:12:10.000 They look like monsters. 0.97

01:12:11.000 They're zombie coyotes. 0.99

01:12:12.000 They look like ghouls. 0.92

01:12:13.000 They lose all their hair.

01:12:14.000 It's a common disease.

01:12:16.000 And they have photos.

01:12:17.000 There's photos of them online.

01:12:18.000 If you look chupacabra, they have a headless one where they chopped its head off. 1.00

01:12:22.000 And it's a coyote.

01:12:23.000 It's a coyote that had a horrible mange.

01:12:24.000 And it has almost blue, dark, bluish, blackish skin.

01:12:28.000 And it's no hair. 0.91

01:12:29.000 And it looks like a monster.

01:12:30.000 So that's most likely the origin of a chupacabra. 1.00

01:12:33.000 Because you're talking about something that killed goats and shit and killed chickens. 1.00

01:12:37.000 That's what coyotes do. 1.00

01:12:38.000 Yeah.

01:12:39.000 You know, so they have that narrowed down.

01:12:40.000 You know, I was at the zoo this weekend, man, and I saw a leopard.

01:12:43.000 They had a leopard there.

01:12:44.000 And it was so sad.

01:12:46.000 Leopards just pacing around.

01:12:47.000 Just doesn't get to jack anything.

01:12:49.000 Just pacing.

01:12:50.000 Look at all these people staring out. 0.91

01:12:51.000 Well, they've started to find leopards in America, bro.

01:12:54.000 Really?

01:12:54.000 Leopards have made their way to Phoenix.

01:12:56.000 Wow.

01:12:56.000 Yeah, there's leopard sightings in Arizona.

01:12:58.000 Wow, that's awesome.

01:12:59.000 Yeah, they're coming up through South America and through Mexico and into America. 1.00

01:13:04.000 Fucking leopards, bro. 1.00

01:13:06.000 That's pretty good. 1.00

01:13:07.000 Leopards are no joke.

01:13:09.000 Could you imagine if you were like the first American to get jacked by a leopard?

01:13:12.000 I would love it. 0.94

01:13:13.000 Would you?

01:13:13.000 They're not going to last too long.

01:13:15.000 There'll be leopard hunting season and those motherfuckers will be wiped out. 1.00

01:13:18.000 Do you think so, man? 1.00

01:13:20.000 They try to go into Texas?

01:13:21.000 Yeah, if they're going to Texas.

01:13:23.000 They don't even have to open up a hunting season in Texas. 0.56

01:13:25.000 They'll just start shooting them. 1.00

01:13:27.000 The kids will shoot them. 1.00

01:13:28.000 Yeah. 0.86

01:13:29.000 Who were we talking about the other day that was jogging and they shot something and you were more amazed that they had a gun while they were jogging.

01:13:36.000 Somebody was telling us a story. 0.99

01:13:37.000 Yeah, who the fuck told us that? 0.99

01:13:38.000 What was that? 1.00

01:13:39.000 Oh shit, that sucks. 1.00

01:13:40.000 I thought you would know. 1.00

01:13:41.000 Never mind.

01:13:41.000 Didn't they do that in Colorado when you lived there?

01:13:43.000 Didn't you jog?

01:13:44.000 You had to have a gun, right?

01:13:45.000 I carried a gun.

01:13:46.000 Yeah, I did.

01:13:47.000 Really?

01:13:47.000 They have jogging holsters.

01:13:50.000 You know what I mean?

01:13:50.000 I carried a gun every time I went hiking.

01:13:53.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:13:54.000 You jog with a fucking rifle behind you. 1.00

01:13:57.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00

01:13:58.000 The last thing you want to do is be out there by yourself with your family in a fucking predator attacks. 1.00

01:14:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:14:05.000 You don't have a gun.

01:14:06.000 Especially when it's somebody that wants your daughters.

01:14:09.000 It's so easy to shoot things.

01:14:10.000 You have a gun, you put it in your pocket.

01:14:12.000 I mean, that's pretty crazy technology.

01:14:14.000 You have this little thing in your pocket that can protect you.

01:14:17.000 What are the odds of that? 1.00

01:14:18.000 You've got to use that shit. 1.00

01:14:19.000 I've been thinking really hard about getting a gun lately. 1.00

01:14:22.000 Me and, like, there's two of my friends that were both saying, like, they just called me randomly, like, hey, do you want to get a gun?

01:14:27.000 I think it was Duncan or somebody.

01:14:28.000 Better to have it and not to need it than to need it and not to have it.

01:14:31.000 Yeah.

01:14:32.000 You can't control all these people in this world.

01:14:33.000 It's almost living out in the wilderness like you did.

01:14:38.000 We talked about this before.

01:14:39.000 It's a lot like, you know, no matter where you go, you got to deal with some death. 0.99

01:14:44.000 Either you live in the city and you got to deal with muggers and rapists or like gangbangers or something, or you live way out away from that shit. 0.99

01:14:52.000 No gangbangers are going out into the wilderness, but then you got to deal with mountain lions and crazy shit like that. 0.99

01:14:58.000 You got to deal with things and you got to deal with weird people. 1.00

01:15:00.000 But at least you can shoot them and you're cool. 0.99

01:15:02.000 Like you can just look at them and go, bam, and just You can't do that to a mugger until he jumps on you. 0.97

01:15:06.000 You've got to be careful with bears because bears are hard to kill.

01:15:09.000 It's very hard to kill a bear with a pistol.

01:15:11.000 If you've got a bear, you're better off shooting into the air.

01:15:13.000 What about bear mace? 1.00

01:15:14.000 That shit works, yeah. 1.00

01:15:15.000 You've got to get them with it, though. 1.00

01:15:16.000 They've got to be close enough for you to get them with it.

01:15:18.000 I didn't even know bear mace existed until South Park.

01:15:21.000 With bears, you've got to be careful.

01:15:23.000 Was he?

01:15:24.000 He thought he was the bounty hunter.

01:15:27.000 South Park is based on Evergreen.

01:15:28.000 That's where those guys grew up.

01:15:29.000 That's where I almost lived.

01:15:30.000 I wanted to live in the mountains of Boulder, but the mountains above Denver, there's one town called Evergreen that I really liked.

01:15:36.000 South Park is.

01:15:37.000 That's what it's based on.

01:15:38.000 Were they actually from, like, Denver?

01:15:40.000 Those dudes?

01:15:41.000 Yeah.

01:15:41.000 Does anybody want to drink coconut water?

01:15:43.000 Oh, dude, I would love a coconut water.

01:15:45.000 Have you had these coconut waters? 1.00

01:15:46.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99

01:15:47.000 We need to be sponsored by them so they can send us crates of them. 0.99

01:15:49.000 So if you're listening, oh, what is it?

01:15:53.000 C2O. Best coconut water in the world.

01:15:55.000 Better than that grain box one?

01:15:58.000 Oh, totally.

01:15:58.000 You know what it tastes like?

01:15:59.000 It tastes like you just ate a bowl of Froot Loops and it's the milk from the Froot Loops. 1.00

01:16:03.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:16:03.000 You know? 1.00

01:16:04.000 That's what it tastes like.

01:16:05.000 It's so good. 1.00

01:16:06.000 Yeah, it's the shit. 1.00

01:16:07.000 I'm a big fan of this stuff. 1.00

01:16:09.000 Yeah, living in Colorado is just as tricky as living in LA. Cheers!

01:16:13.000 Cheers.

01:16:13.000 Salute.

01:16:15.000 Here's to wine pitties.

01:16:16.000 There's got to be a coconut water alcoholic beverage, right?

01:16:20.000 Oh, there has to be.

01:16:20.000 You go to a bar and say, give me coconut in Seagram's or something.

01:16:25.000 For my dad's birthday, I bought him a crate of the shit that you always drink with the mushrooms and stuff. 0.98

01:16:31.000 What's that called? 0.99

01:16:32.000 Oh, kombucha?

01:16:33.000 Yeah, I got him a crate of that and a crate of coconut water.

01:16:35.000 He loves the kombucha, but the...

01:16:38.000 Coconut water he doesn't like, but he uses it for pina coladas.

01:16:41.000 He doesn't like this stuff?

01:16:42.000 No.

01:16:43.000 Really?

01:16:43.000 He says it's weak.

01:16:44.000 He says he needs to add something to it.

01:16:46.000 I think when you get old, you lose your taste buds. 1.00

01:16:48.000 Dude, vodka and coconut water will probably be the shit. 1.00

01:16:50.000 When you get old, you lose your taste buds? 1.00

01:16:52.000 Yeah, you start losing taste. 1.00

01:16:53.000 I wonder if older people are more likely to eat ass then. 1.00

01:16:56.000 Yes, you would think that. 1.00

01:16:57.000 Fuck no. 1.00

01:16:59.000 I would. 1.00

01:17:00.000 After all the shits they had to endure to smell. 0.98

01:17:02.000 Do you remember that video we watched a long time ago about rods? 1.00

01:17:07.000 Do you remember that shit? 1.00

01:17:08.000 It's a serious fucking video. 1.00

01:17:10.000 This dude was in Mexico and he was filming all these people. 0.99

01:17:14.000 Filming these people skydiving into this cliff.

01:17:17.000 There's a cliff that's like a mile down.

01:17:19.000 It's crazy.

01:17:19.000 It looks like someone took an apple core to the earth and cut this gigantic hole out of the earth.

01:17:26.000 And these dudes would base jump off that bitch and skydive and fucking pull a parachute. 1.00

01:17:31.000 Well, as they're filming it, you see these things flying by the camera like insane speeds. 1.00

01:17:35.000 And they look like tubes.

01:17:37.000 They look like they're winged tubes. 0.99

01:17:39.000 This guy dedicated his whole life To fucking tracking these things down and trying to find out what the fuck these things were. 0.99

01:17:45.000 There were moths. 0.98

01:17:47.000 It turns out it was just an artifact.

01:17:49.000 It was a video camera artifact that when something moved too quickly, too close to the screen, it stretched the image out so it made the image look like it was a flying snake.

01:17:57.000 Absolutely. 0.98

01:17:58.000 So this poor fuck literally made videos, has websites, Roswell Rods. 1.00

01:18:03.000 Is he still on it? 1.00

01:18:04.000 He had to give up.

01:18:05.000 No, he had to have given up. 1.00

01:18:06.000 Let's go to roswellrods.com and see if this fucking dummy... 1.00

01:18:09.000 This is the problem, man. 1.00

01:18:10.000 This guy's making money.

01:18:12.000 This guy's making money.

01:18:14.000 It doesn't mean UFOs aren't real, dude.

01:18:16.000 Huh? 0.99

01:18:17.000 Just because that guy fucked up. 0.98

01:18:18.000 No, it doesn't mean it's not real, but it doesn't mean they're not real, but it doesn't mean they are real. 0.99

01:18:22.000 Like you said, it's most likely...

01:18:25.000 I'll say that.

01:18:27.000 I'll take back, I believe, and I'll say it's most likely real.

01:18:31.000 Is that better?

01:18:32.000 Is that better?

01:18:34.000 Why? 1.00

01:18:34.000 Why even have a fucking... 1.00

01:18:36.000 Because this is about opinions. 1.00

01:18:38.000 You can't just speak.

01:18:40.000 But why become attached?

01:18:43.000 I'm just saying, based on what I've seen, it's most likely real.

01:18:45.000 I think the site's down. 1.00

01:18:47.000 Fuck yeah, they took that shit down to him. 1.00

01:18:49.000 He was videotaping mobs. 1.00

01:18:50.000 This is the official website for the mysterious flying entities called Rods, discovered by Jose Escamilla over Midway and Roswell.

01:18:59.000 He was a jogger or something, wasn't he? 0.71

01:19:01.000 I don't know, he's just a nut.

01:19:02.000 A light jogger. 1.00

01:19:03.000 He's just a dummy. 1.00

01:19:04.000 He's a dummy that got tricked by some shit, you know? 1.00

01:19:07.000 I mean, these guys on MonsterQuest figured it out in fucking ten minutes. 1.00

01:19:10.000 This guy's been trying to... 0.97

01:19:12.000 Yeah, kidnotfindroswellrods.com.

01:19:15.000 You're done, son.

01:19:16.000 It doesn't exist?

01:19:17.000 It doesn't exist anymore. 1.00

01:19:18.000 This guy fucking spent his whole life. 1.00

01:19:20.000 Dude, there needs to be a documentary on his shit. 1.00

01:19:22.000 Because you know he videotaped everything, right? 1.00

01:19:25.000 They need to get that footage and then get the footage of him now.

01:19:28.000 He's probably penniless and insane somewhere in Guatemala. 0.66

01:19:30.000 I wonder how many emails he gets by mistake.

01:19:32.000 Like, I heard you videotape a lot of rods.

01:19:34.000 Well, he actually had another one that he was doing. 0.88

01:19:37.000 Gay rods. 0.99

01:19:39.000 There was another one that he was chasing down. 0.96

01:19:42.000 Another crazy thing that didn't seem to make any sense.

01:19:45.000 Let me type in his name because he had another thing that was like another theory about something else and then someone on the message board going, wait a minute, isn't that the Rod's guy?

01:19:56.000 And that's who he is from now on. 1.00

01:19:58.000 I like pussy. 1.00

01:20:04.000 Oh, Lunar Rising. 1.00

01:20:05.000 Oh, here he goes. 1.00

01:20:06.000 He's got some shit about the moon. 1.00

01:20:09.000 He changed? 1.00

01:20:10.000 Yeah, he thinks there's fucking anomalies on the moon now. 0.99

01:20:14.000 Okay, here he goes. 0.97

01:20:15.000 The true color of the moon.

01:20:16.000 For over 50 years, we have been told and convinced the moon is nothing more than a black and white desolate rock with moon dust and craters.

01:20:23.000 The thousands of photos released to the public have always presented a black and white moon.

01:20:27.000 Even with the most recent Hubble photographs of the moon are black and white.

01:20:31.000 NASA continues to perpetuate the lie that, in quotes, that the moon is black and white. 1.00

01:20:35.000 This motherfucker is crazy! 1.00

01:20:37.000 Same dude from Rod's? 1.00

01:20:38.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:20:39.000 And he's like... 0.99

01:20:40.000 Damn, he switched over. 1.00

01:20:41.000 Snake oil. 1.00

01:20:42.000 Snake oil right here.

01:20:43.000 Oh, he's got a bunch of spots that he says, oh my god, this is hilarious.

01:20:47.000 Does he believe that the moon landing was a hoax?

01:20:49.000 Oh, no.

01:20:49.000 What he's showing is craters.

01:20:51.000 And he believes that these craters are different alien artifacts.

01:20:57.000 And these craters are like, oh, they're such a stretch.

01:21:00.000 The photos are such a stretch.

01:21:02.000 He thinks that these structures are artificial. 1.00

01:21:04.000 It's like fucking craters, man. 1.00

01:21:06.000 Shit got smashed by rocks from space. 1.00

01:21:08.000 Sometimes little shapes come out of that, you fucking dummy. 1.00

01:21:12.000 Did you see the moon on Conan's set last night on his first episode? 1.00

01:21:15.000 No, how was the first episode?

01:21:17.000 Did Did you watch it?

01:21:17.000 Yeah, it felt really cheap.

01:21:19.000 You know how you watch the NBC show?

01:21:22.000 It felt like the furniture was high quality.

01:21:24.000 It felt like those were real plants behind them.

01:21:26.000 It felt like a good backdrop. 0.99

01:21:28.000 This felt like they got everything at fucking Sears outlet. 0.99

01:21:33.000 Really? 0.99

01:21:33.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:21:34.000 And the background was this horrible blue painting that just looked really cheap and generic.

01:21:40.000 And then there was this moon in the middle of it that was kind of cool.

01:21:42.000 And I guess it moves.

01:21:44.000 Yeah.

01:21:45.000 But it just looked like, the whole thing looked like low budget.

01:21:48.000 Was it the real moon or a fake moon?

01:21:50.000 No, fake moon.

01:21:50.000 Totally fake moon.

01:21:51.000 But it just looked really low budget.

01:21:53.000 I don't know.

01:21:53.000 I was okay.

01:21:54.000 He had Seth Rogen on last night. 0.99

01:21:56.000 Listen how gay you are. 1.00

01:21:57.000 You're looking at the set. 1.00

01:21:58.000 The set was terrible.

01:21:59.000 No, no, no, no.

01:22:00.000 It was out of control.

01:22:02.000 I was a fan of the show.

01:22:04.000 I was a real fan of the show.

01:22:05.000 All I can say was, was it a real moon or a fake moon?

01:22:09.000 I couldn't comment on the furniture.

01:22:11.000 I was a real fan of the show, and a lot of the reviewers of the newspapers and stuff that reviewed it, they made up an interesting point.

01:22:19.000 It's like, why are you focusing on a tenth variation of The Tonight Show?

01:22:24.000 You're not being your own show.

01:22:26.000 You're being The Tonight Show in a version of The Tonight Show.

01:22:28.000 You have this new opportunity. 1.00

01:22:30.000 Why don't you fucking throw that desk out a window and fucking do something? 1.00

01:22:34.000 People like that desk. 1.00

01:22:36.000 Isn't that funny?

01:22:37.000 That you like having people on?

01:22:38.000 Isn't it better to do it like this? 0.94

01:22:40.000 If we were here, I mean we have a table so we have our laptops and shit in front of us. 0.93

01:22:44.000 We do have kind of a desk though. 0.99

01:22:46.000 Yeah, but that's to put shit on. 0.98

01:22:47.000 Yeah, they don't see the desk. 0.99

01:22:49.000 There's always a pencil and a piece of paper, no?

01:22:52.000 Yeah, but our viewers don't see the desk.

01:22:55.000 Well, I mean, I guess it's cool that he has notes and everything, but they could put that on a teleprompter.

01:22:59.000 I think there's some security to the desk because it's been there forever.

01:23:02.000 Just because you get boners when Pamela Anderson from 10 years ago is on. 1.00

01:23:05.000 Yeah, it doesn't look cool if you're just in a chair.

01:23:08.000 You got nervous when you're seeing Pamela. 0.98

01:23:11.000 I was looking at her boobs. 1.00

01:23:12.000 Cool, Pamela. 0.99

01:23:14.000 How about they just sit there on stage, no desk, and they're on a big, lazy boy.

01:23:19.000 You know what I mean?

01:23:19.000 And they got a headset on, and they're just like chilling.

01:23:22.000 You don't want to be too lazy, though, because then the conversation won't be interesting.

01:23:25.000 Why don't Conan just have a cool house, and they invite some cool people over and just hang out?

01:23:30.000 That's actually a good idea.

01:23:31.000 You know, get some good cameras, have some good quality behind it.

01:23:34.000 Just have Conan with his little beard going, hey, check out my garage.

01:23:37.000 Just hang out in the garage and talk about your movie.

01:23:39.000 What's your movie?

01:23:40.000 Well, the problem is that a lot of people like to be in the audience, and they like to have an audience there.

01:23:44.000 It makes the comedy play out.

01:23:45.000 200 people are sad.

01:23:47.000 Invite the 200 people via Skype.

01:23:50.000 That's cool.

01:23:51.000 That'll work.

01:23:52.000 John Heffron's doing comedy shows through Skype.

01:23:55.000 Something like Skype.

01:23:56.000 It's a new form of video conferencing technology.

01:23:59.000 But he sits in a room and there's all these screens around him.

01:24:01.000 And he's performing for all these other people that are in the room with him. 0.99

01:24:04.000 Yeah, it's pretty cool shit. 0.97

01:24:05.000 It's actually... 0.98

01:24:06.000 It's incredible.

01:24:07.000 I hope that catches him.

01:24:08.000 Not in front of an audience?

01:24:09.000 No.

01:24:10.000 He's doing some corporate gigs where he does them on a desk...

01:24:14.000 And the desk, there's cameras that come at him.

01:24:17.000 Can you hear laughter?

01:24:19.000 Yes, you can hear everything.

01:24:20.000 They're all connected.

01:24:21.000 Everyone's conference called up.

01:24:22.000 And there's like, you know, 50, 100 people in there.

01:24:24.000 How crazy... 0.97

01:24:25.000 I mean, he's sitting there by himself in front of a laptop, and then there could be fucking the whole world listening, and then you could hear all their laughter. 0.98

01:24:34.000 Can you imagine that? 0.97

01:24:35.000 It's like a shower curtain ring.

01:24:35.000 Like you have a stereo system, and it's...

01:24:37.000 Well, he said it's really crazy because you could see, when you set it up, you can see all these people in front of you.

01:24:43.000 Right.

01:24:43.000 Like, you see them sitting, like, there's not just one screen, there's like a dozen screens in front of them, and he sees all these people in front of them.

01:24:49.000 Yeah.

01:24:49.000 So it's almost like an audience.

01:24:50.000 Yeah.

01:24:51.000 Whoa.

01:24:51.000 Yeah, what are these?

01:24:52.000 Audience at the shower ring convention.

01:24:55.000 Yeah, man, I'm not real interested in talk shows.

01:24:58.000 When I heard about it, I was like, you know, I'm not going to really watch it.

01:25:01.000 It's like a podcast.

01:25:02.000 Yeah, but it's not, because it's seven minutes, and all they're doing is talking about their movies.

01:25:07.000 They're talking about their...

01:25:08.000 I mean, how often does someone have a really interesting story?

01:25:11.000 It's not usually. 1.00

01:25:12.000 Most of the time, they're just pimping their shit. 0.99

01:25:14.000 They'll have a little, you know, so what's been going on? 1.00

01:25:16.000 Oh, We recently had our second baby.

01:25:18.000 See, to me it's good because you lay in bed and you're kind of like watching the news, kind of.

01:25:23.000 It's like the news, but mixed with humor.

01:25:25.000 Right.

01:25:26.000 So it's kind of more just like, I wouldn't watch it if it was like 8pm.

01:25:29.000 Right.

01:25:30.000 I mean, I like them.

01:25:31.000 I mean, they're okay, but I don't go out of my way to see them.

01:25:34.000 I prefer the Jon Stewart show, honestly.

01:25:36.000 I think that The Daily Show, the way he does it, is the best way. 1.00

01:25:40.000 He has a lot of shit that he fucks around with. 0.99

01:25:42.000 His monologues and his making fun of things in the news, even though it's all political for the most part, I think he hits the mark more than anybody. 1.00

01:25:50.000 He makes me laugh out loud more than anybody.

01:25:52.000 Did you guys already talk about...

01:25:55.000 The Galfa Ganakis weed smoking incident on the John Stewart show?

01:25:59.000 No, no, we didn't.

01:25:59.000 Do you know what happened?

01:26:00.000 Yeah, yeah, he smoked pot.

01:26:02.000 He pulled out a joint.

01:26:03.000 It was actually the Bill Maher show.

01:26:05.000 Oh, it was?

01:26:06.000 Yeah.

01:26:07.000 It wasn't John Stewart?

01:26:07.000 No.

01:26:08.000 Okay, I was off.

01:26:10.000 It was real time.

01:26:10.000 But, you know, and then the executive said that it wasn't real pot, that it was a prop.

01:26:15.000 Okay.

01:26:16.000 They had to say it.

01:26:16.000 Yeah, but why do they have to say it?

01:26:18.000 Why do they have to say it?

01:26:18.000 Why do they have to say it's not real?

01:26:21.000 It's like the kids.

01:26:22.000 Wait, this is the first podcast we've done since Proposition 9 did not pass.

01:26:26.000 19, rather, did not pass. 0.99

01:26:27.000 You know, and so there's a lot of fucking, yeah, there's a lot of shit going on right now in this country. 0.99

01:26:34.000 There's a lot of shit going on with pot and disinformation and people thinking that somehow or another if you have pot and it's more accessible than it is now that the world's going to fall apart. 1.00

01:26:44.000 It's sad. 0.99

01:26:44.000 I never thought when I was a little kid that we'd be here in now 2010 and this would still be up for debate. 0.99

01:26:51.000 Yeah, but you have to also know that it's not going to pass that easily unless it's like an iPhone app.

01:26:57.000 One single button, all these people, instead of having to register and then go fucking take off work or go towards your lunch and vote.

01:27:04.000 But you have to do that, otherwise it would be too much fraud. 0.89

01:27:06.000 Yeah, but you know, in like ten years they're going to figure it out. 0.99

01:27:08.000 It's going to be on your fucking pagers. 0.95

01:27:10.000 Maybe, but maybe there's probably some incentive to keep it complicated, because the more complicated they keep it, the less people vote, and the more it's political aficionados that are in the mix instead of just the casual person. 0.99

01:27:23.000 I knew that was going to happen, though.

01:27:25.000 Did you?

01:27:25.000 I wasn't shocked at all.

01:27:26.000 It was just like gay marriage. 1.00

01:27:28.000 You thought that was going to pass, but then...

01:27:30.000 You know what's shocking to me, man?

01:27:31.000 When the polls are right. 0.99

01:27:33.000 Because I'm like, who the fuck answers polls? 0.99

01:27:38.000 Do you? 1.00

01:27:39.000 Have you ever answered a poll?

01:27:41.000 Polls like online?

01:27:42.000 Yeah, or has anybody called you up and you talked to them?

01:27:45.000 Yeah, yeah, all the time I do polls.

01:27:46.000 Do you really?

01:27:47.000 Yeah, and like if you're on TMZ and it's like, does Mel Gibson's butt look fat, yes or no, I'm going to take the extra click to see no just to see what the answers are.

01:27:55.000 Really?

01:27:56.000 Yeah, don't you?

01:27:57.000 No.

01:27:57.000 First of all, those aren't real polls.

01:27:58.000 What I mean about a poll is like you go somewhere and it's a multiple page thing where it asks you a bunch of questions.

01:28:04.000 I don't do that much.

01:28:04.000 Or even a few questions, like 10 questions.

01:28:07.000 Okay.

01:28:07.000 Eh, sometimes.

01:28:08.000 Like, you know, like, once in a while, like, if a product that I really like, that you get that spam email with, like, please answer our ten questions for us.

01:28:15.000 Do you really?

01:28:15.000 If it's a company I like, I'll give them, I'll take the extra minute.

01:28:19.000 Damn. 0.98

01:28:20.000 Why not? 1.00

01:28:21.000 I don't, not you.

01:28:23.000 Anything I can do to help the products that I like?

01:28:25.000 You know, like, if it's, like, whatever, Apple.

01:28:27.000 Well, you do do that. 0.98

01:28:28.000 Like, you, like, make little videos and shit when you like a product. 0.98

01:28:32.000 Yeah. 0.96

01:28:32.000 The last poll I took was like, who's the best submission artist in MMA? Shinya Yoki, BJ Penn. 0.96

01:28:39.000 Oh, in MMA. Well, Marcel's not really in MMA anymore.

01:28:42.000 He did MMA once.

01:28:44.000 Is he done though?

01:28:45.000 Probably.

01:28:47.000 Yeah.

01:28:47.000 He's making so much money in jujitsu.

01:28:49.000 He doesn't need to go through all that shit. 1.00

01:28:50.000 He's making a teaching. 1.00

01:28:52.000 Yeah, dude.

01:28:53.000 His website, man.

01:28:54.000 Yeah? 1.00

01:28:55.000 God damn. 0.99

01:28:56.000 He charges 30 bucks a month to get his techniques. 1.00

01:29:00.000 30. Yeah.

01:29:01.000 That's a lot of fucking extra thousands a month. 0.98

01:29:03.000 That dude who set it up, that chess master, Joe... 0.99

01:29:08.000 Josh...

01:29:09.000 I think his last name is Waitskin?

01:29:11.000 I don't remember exactly how to pronounce his name.

01:29:14.000 Bobby Fischer?

01:29:14.000 Yeah.

01:29:15.000 He's the one from the video, Searching for Bobby Fischer, the movie.

01:29:18.000 It was all based on him.

01:29:19.000 And he was a child chess prodigy.

01:29:22.000 And now he's transferred that into becoming a jiu-jitsu guy.

01:29:25.000 He loves jiu-jitsu and he treats it just like chess.

01:29:27.000 Where there's a bunch of openings and a bunch of different counters and he has them broken down.

01:29:31.000 So he has the website really systematically organized the way you would organize chess practice. 0.82

01:29:36.000 So it's pretty fucking interesting. 0.53

01:29:37.000 Someone who's a chess genius. 0.95

01:29:39.000 That kind of a mind.

01:29:40.000 that kind of a, like, you know, like a...

01:29:45.000 Retardation. 0.94

01:29:46.000 It's not retardation. 0.99

01:29:47.000 Strategic.

01:29:49.000 That kind of a strategic mindset applied to jiu-jitsu is kind of interesting.

01:29:52.000 I bet, I mean, if you were making free money, just like 20k a month, which is probably in the area...

01:30:01.000 Doing nothing, why would you do MMA? That money's just flowing the fuck in. 0.93

01:30:04.000 He doesn't want to do it. 0.95

01:30:05.000 You know what I mean?

01:30:06.000 He doesn't need to.

01:30:06.000 He can just stick to being the greatest jiu-jitsu player of all time.

01:30:10.000 Well, I would really love to see just professional jiu-jitsu, because I've always said that, you know, one of the best things about jiu-jitsu, watching jiu-jitsu, is you don't have any guilt.

01:30:18.000 Even though you're watching dudes get jacked, and even if you jack a guy, there's no guilt.

01:30:22.000 Because when you knock somebody out, or you hurt somebody, or even you watch someone get knocked out... 0.99

01:30:26.000 At least part of my brain is like, that guy just got fucked up. 0.90

01:30:29.000 You know, there's like a part of that guy that's not going to be the same again. 0.99

01:30:31.000 And like he got hit by a car or something.

01:30:33.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:30:33.000 I mean, someone gets really fucking head kicked. 0.99

01:30:36.000 When Gonzaga Crocop, when he head kicked Crocop and knocked him out, I remember I had to interview Crocop afterwards and he was just... 0.99

01:30:44.000 You know, it really was a dumb idea to interview him.

01:30:46.000 I should have probably protested, but we always interview the winner and the loser, and he was up, and they said, okay, interview the loser. 0.77

01:30:51.000 So I just automatically went to it.

01:30:53.000 But as I was talking to him, I'm like, this poor guy should not be getting interviewed right now.

01:30:56.000 This guy just, you know, he just got knocked unconscious.

01:30:59.000 He's not exactly sure what happened, and I'm asking him questions. 0.99

01:31:02.000 You know, when you see something like that, man, you go, wow, there's a fucking price. 0.94

01:31:07.000 But jiu-jitsu never feels like there's a price. 0.97

01:31:09.000 You know, guys get jacked, and even if they get hurt, like, he's going to be okay.

01:31:12.000 Most of the time, 99% of the time, but Marcelo Garcia, man, if he could just do professional jiu-jitsu, if they could have, like, a guy like that, you could have professional jiu-jitsu and even put it on TV and it would be exciting.

01:31:24.000 Because you'd be just catching people all the time.

01:31:26.000 There's so many good guys now.

01:31:28.000 I mean, Marcelo's still the king, but there's so many guys out there still competing like Ryan Hall and Jeff Glover and all those new Brazilians busting out. 1.00

01:31:38.000 Rafael Mendes, Colbrina.

01:31:43.000 Rafael Lovato.

01:31:44.000 There's so many guys that are good at no gi.

01:31:46.000 It should be in the Olympics right away.

01:31:49.000 There's no reason why no gi jiu-jitsu shouldn't be in the Olympics.

01:31:54.000 Yeah, gi is a little too slow.

01:31:56.000 That would bore people to death.

01:31:57.000 Yeah, that bores me.

01:31:58.000 You have that funny story about going to watch with John Jacques.

01:32:01.000 Yeah, that's one.

01:32:02.000 I was always the guy in class that asked the questions about yanking on collars and yanking on sleeves and asking, like, how is that going to translate in MMA? I mean, because I was embarrassed.

01:32:13.000 When I first started doing jujitsu, I would tell guys, check out this next fight.

01:32:17.000 This guy's a jujitsu guy. 0.99

01:32:18.000 He's going to fuck him up. 1.00

01:32:19.000 He's going to jack him. 1.00

01:32:20.000 And the first fight that I got really disappointed with was Bustamante against Bolander.

01:32:25.000 I love Bustamante to death.

01:32:27.000 He's still one of my all-time favorite fighters.

01:32:28.000 But I couldn't believe that he couldn't finish him off his back.

01:32:32.000 It just baffled me.

01:32:34.000 I kept saying, okay, he's going to get him right now.

01:32:35.000 He's going to get him right now.

01:32:36.000 He's just setting him up.

01:32:37.000 He's going to get him.

01:32:38.000 And then it didn't happen.

01:32:38.000 And I asked Sean Jacques.

01:32:39.000 I'm like, what's going on with...

01:32:41.000 How come we never see sweeps and finishes off, you know, rarely off from the bottom.

01:32:47.000 You never see sweeps and finishes at the same rate as you do at the Mundials. 0.99

01:32:51.000 At the Mundials, they're sweeping, they're finishing off their back.

01:32:54.000 Like, I mean, it's incredible how much action there is, like, off your back.

01:32:59.000 But not in MMA. It was different, so.

01:33:01.000 It's because they don't have the gi to hold on to. 0.95

01:33:03.000 Yeah, well, if you practice setting up all your submissions and sweeps, yanking and pulling on someone's outfit, and that's actually part of the sweep, you take that out, and then you also add strikes, man, it's a whole different game.

01:33:17.000 So, you know, what was the question?

01:33:21.000 Ha ha ha!

01:33:22.000 How did we get this far?

01:33:23.000 We were talking about Jean-Jacques watching matches with you, and you guys were both saying how boring it was.

01:33:28.000 Oh, yes, yes.

01:33:29.000 Immediately, I was questioning the gig, going, man, this could be a problem.

01:33:32.000 This is making jiu-jitsu look bad.

01:33:34.000 For me, it was like, how does jiu-jitsu look in MMA? And then when I went to the Mundials in 2000 as a purple belt with Jean-Jacques, and we're watching the black belts, and I can't even keep my eyes open.

01:33:46.000 It's just so...

01:33:48.000 Most of the matches weren't boring.

01:33:50.000 There were some exciting matches, and there still are some, there's a lot of exciting matches with the Gi.

01:33:55.000 But generally, I mean, I was sitting there trying to keep my eyes open, and Jean-Jacques looked over me and goes, man, this is so boring.

01:34:02.000 He wanted to leave.

01:34:03.000 And right there, that struck me. 0.99

01:34:05.000 I'm like, damn, one of the fucking baddest jujitsu players of all time, my master, is bored with watching black belts play tug-of-war in the Gi. 1.00

01:34:16.000 That's when I thought, whoa, man. 0.99

01:34:18.000 The gi is a problem.

01:34:20.000 And for me, the reason why I started teaching without the gi wasn't to separate myself from the Brazilian jiu-jitsu community. 1.00

01:34:27.000 It wasn't me going, fuck you, you guys with the gi. 1.00

01:34:31.000 I took off the gi for jiu-jitsu. 1.00

01:34:33.000 I did this shit for jiu-jitsu. 0.99

01:34:36.000 That's the one thing I want everyone to understand, especially the Brazilians that hate me. 1.00

01:34:41.000 I did this for jujitsu.

01:34:42.000 The most important thing for me is how jujitsu looks in MMA. And I feel that the gi is a problem for MMA. So I decided when I opened up a school, I want to try to bring jujitsu back. 1.00

01:34:53.000 I'm going to do whatever I can personally, whatever I can do to bring jujitsu back in MMA. Well, you did it also because you think that's the most effective way to do it in MMA. Yes, no, of course, of course.

01:35:03.000 I thought it was the most effective way, and I'm doing it for jiu-jitsu.

01:35:06.000 I feel that if everyone lost the gi 10 years ago and just focused on no gi submissions, setting up everything in the clinch, setting everything up with...

01:35:16.000 Overhooks, underhooks, and head control as opposed to setting everything up with yanking and pulling collars and sleeves.

01:35:21.000 If we would have started everybody ten years ago, we just killed the Gi. 0.97

01:35:24.000 If Helio would have said, no more Gi. 0.53

01:35:26.000 We need to come back.

01:35:27.000 We need to dominate MMA again.

01:35:29.000 Man, the world would be a different place.

01:35:31.000 We would see a hundred Shenya Aoki's.

01:35:35.000 A hundred Javi Vasquez.

01:35:37.000 Did you see what Ryan Hall said recently?

01:35:39.000 He had a thing about how he doesn't play guard anymore.

01:35:41.000 That all he's concerned with now is if he winds up on bottom, is sweeping, getting on top to finish?

01:35:47.000 That's beautiful if you can do it, but what about the guys you can't sweep?

01:35:50.000 Yeah, he's saying that you can't rely on your guard anymore.

01:35:54.000 Well, you can't rely on sweeps all the time either.

01:35:56.000 But you're going to be on your back regardless.

01:35:58.000 And if you could sweep them, most of my game is all about sweeps.

01:36:01.000 I'm all about sweeping and getting on top.

01:36:03.000 But you have to prepare for the worst case scenario.

01:36:05.000 A guy that puts it on your back and you can't sweep them. 0.72

01:36:08.000 You better have a wicked...

01:36:10.000 Finishing game off your back as well.

01:36:11.000 You've got to have both.

01:36:12.000 You can't finish everybody from your back, and you can't sweep everybody. 0.87

01:36:16.000 But if a dude stuffs all your sweeps and he stuffs all your finishes, he's just better than you.

01:36:21.000 That's it.

01:36:22.000 But you've got to have as much game as possible.

01:36:24.000 I'm amazed if somebody hasn't stepped up and tried to make a professional jiu-jitsu league.

01:36:28.000 I know Rico Ciccarelli did that thing for a little bit, but he was having a hard time with it.

01:36:33.000 But I think it's more popular now than it was then.

01:36:35.000 Well, the problem with the Rico Ciparelli promotion, which was Professional Submission League, PSL, great concept.

01:36:41.000 He just had like eight super fight matches, man.

01:36:43.000 He had Marcelo in there against Jake Shields.

01:36:45.000 He had Marcelo in there against Cameron Earl.

01:36:48.000 The only way he thought he could make it work and sell it to a network or something, even like ESPN or something, was to have Randy Couture as the main event.

01:36:57.000 Randy Couture, originally, he retired a few years ago.

01:37:00.000 He wasn't planning on doing MMA anymore, but his plan was just to stay in the mix competitively and do submission grappling.

01:37:08.000 Rico jumped on him and said, hey, dude, you're going to be the poster boy.

01:37:11.000 You're going to blow this up.

01:37:13.000 But then when he decided to go back to MMA, he was left without a poster child and I mean, I think he could make it successful with the guys we have nowadays, like make Marcelo Garcia the poster child, and then bring in, you know, Cabrinha, bring in Rafael Mendes, bring in Braulio Estima, bring in, again, Jeff Glover, Ryan Hall, Javi Vasquez, all these guys that, you know, Javi's back in the mix in MMA now, but I think you could do it now.

01:37:39.000 I don't think you need Randy Couture.

01:37:40.000 I don't think so.

01:37:41.000 What they really need is they need to get some sort of a network behind it, someone willing to The difference between submission grappling and MMA... The advantage,

01:38:10.000 it could be a small advantage in some people's eyes, but people will get into it because anybody can actually practice it.

01:38:18.000 You can go to your local jiu-jitsu school and you actually can get involved.

01:38:23.000 The potential is there.

01:38:25.000 Of course, it's not.

01:38:26.000 It'll never be as exciting as dudes smashing skulls and all that kind of stuff.

01:38:31.000 But submission grappling with the right guys can be very, very exciting.

01:38:37.000 And I think it could be successful.

01:38:39.000 They got dogs catching frisbees at 1.30 in the morning.

01:38:42.000 You can throw up some no-gi jujitsu up there for sure.

01:38:46.000 I mean, pool is huge.

01:38:47.000 I mean, pool is on TV all the time.

01:38:50.000 No, it's not.

01:38:50.000 It's not huge at all.

01:38:51.000 But it's on TV, though.

01:38:52.000 Starving to death.

01:38:53.000 Yeah, but it's on TV. Barely.

01:38:54.000 It's barely on TV. A lot of those matches that you watch are old matches.

01:38:57.000 The women have some on ESPN, but there's no money in it. 1.00

01:39:01.000 No one's making any money.

01:39:02.000 You have to go overseas to make the real money.

01:39:04.000 There's a couple tournaments, like the US Open.

01:39:06.000 You win that.

01:39:07.000 You win $40,000.

01:39:08.000 You got to play for a week, and that's only the winner.

01:39:10.000 You know, you get down to, like, the other people.

01:39:12.000 There's not much money.

01:39:13.000 Okay, okay.

01:39:14.000 There's not much money in it, but it's still on the air.

01:39:17.000 And I could see some mission grappling like that on the air when no one's really making that much money except for the top guys.

01:39:22.000 But then you got, like, poker.

01:39:23.000 That's making money, right?

01:39:24.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:39:24.000 Who watches fucking poker, man? 1.00

01:39:26.000 You know what the thing about poker is, man? 1.00

01:39:28.000 You do?

01:39:28.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:29.000 You watch poker.

01:39:30.000 I love poker.

01:39:31.000 I'm sorry.

01:39:31.000 Here's the thing about poker is that you could watch and you could know what we all have.

01:39:36.000 Like when you're watching at home, you can't affect the outcome of the game.

01:39:39.000 So you could see, like if you had two aces, you had an ace and a king.

01:39:42.000 You could see, without you seeing what he had, the people watching could see what he had.

01:39:46.000 So they know.

01:39:47.000 Everyone is in on it.

01:39:48.000 So, ooh, how's this going to play out?

01:39:50.000 What if baseball was like that, where you knew what the pitcher was going to throw?

01:39:54.000 Like, right before.

01:39:55.000 Ooh, that's interesting.

01:39:57.000 That's interesting.

01:39:59.000 Hmm.

01:39:59.000 Because if they let you know a second before you throw...

01:40:02.000 How could he ever get to him?

01:40:03.000 How could he get to him that quick? 0.99

01:40:04.000 And if he's looking somewhere else, he's keeping his eye, it would fuck him up. 0.92

01:40:07.000 That's a good idea, dude. 0.98

01:40:08.000 Like, right away, boom!

01:40:09.000 Fast up! 0.60

01:40:10.000 Yeah, if the pitcher had a little thing on his mouth.

01:40:14.000 You know what?

01:40:14.000 It would have to be someone who could read the signs because the catcher is giving those signs.

01:40:18.000 Or just do it at a 20 second delay.

01:40:21.000 Does the catcher give those signs or the pitcher give those signs?

01:40:23.000 Who decides what gets thrown?

01:40:26.000 The catcher.

01:40:26.000 The pitcher can say, no, I'm throwing some heating, right?

01:40:29.000 The pitcher has, he's like the executive producer, and the fucking catcher's the producer. 0.98

01:40:33.000 What if they have like bitchy arguments? 1.00

01:40:35.000 You can, totally.

01:40:36.000 You can, you see him going, no, dude, no, no, no, no.

01:40:40.000 Basically, the catcher's trying to get them to agree.

01:40:42.000 Like, okay, what are we going to do?

01:40:43.000 It's up to you, but you want to throw this?

01:40:45.000 I'm suggesting this.

01:40:46.000 But you could do that with football, too, like right before the snap.

01:40:49.000 Boom! 0.99

01:40:50.000 It's going to be a run or something.

01:40:51.000 That, like, is one of the hardest things about putting anything together is getting two people to agree on what should be done.

01:40:57.000 You know? 0.86

01:40:57.000 Like, if you have an executive producer and you have the talent and they're together and they're trying to figure out how to work things out, man, that's a hard fucking thing to come together on. 0.86

01:41:05.000 You'd have to put it on a 10-second delay, then that would ensure that no one...

01:41:09.000 For the baseball thing?

01:41:10.000 Yeah, if there's no...

01:41:11.000 You've had that with music, though, right? 0.99

01:41:13.000 You've had that with music, where dudes are trying to fuck with and change your shit and you didn't like it. 0.99

01:41:16.000 Remember that executive producer you were working with for a while? 0.99

01:41:18.000 Which one?

01:41:19.000 The guy down in San Diego?

01:41:20.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:41:21.000 Remember he wanted to do all this and do all that?

01:41:23.000 No, that wasn't going to work.

01:41:24.000 Happens all the time.

01:41:26.000 Exactly, it happens all the time.

01:41:27.000 I've had it happen with everything I've ever done.

01:41:30.000 Everything I've ever done that has to do with creativity that involves other people.

01:41:33.000 They all want to... 0.99

01:41:34.000 I am open to hear shit. 1.00

01:41:36.000 I've always been that way. 0.99

01:41:37.000 In every band that I've been in, the rule has always been the same.

01:41:40.000 There's five of us.

01:41:41.000 I'm 22 years old.

01:41:43.000 Everyone's in their early 20s.

01:41:46.000 Anybody can write.

01:41:47.000 But we all have to like it.

01:41:49.000 If you want to come up with something, okay, we all have to like it. 1.00

01:41:51.000 Because when you're on stage, man, what's most important, you would rather play someone else's good shit than your bad shit. 1.00

01:42:00.000 No one wants to go on stage and the crowd's going, what the fuck is this? 1.00

01:42:04.000 And no one's liking it and the other guys are talking behind their back like, dude, I don't want to do this song anymore. 0.76

01:42:08.000 That's the last thing you want.

01:42:09.000 You want to avoid that.

01:42:10.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:42:11.000 So what ends up happening is real quick, you end up everyone gravitating to the guy who's putting together the best shit. 0.99

01:42:18.000 Right. 0.99

01:42:18.000 And there's always that band where you know that they're just giving this fucking drummer a bone and letting him sing right now. 0.99

01:42:23.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:42:24.000 You know, there's always a few songs like that, right?

01:42:26.000 Oh, dude.

01:42:26.000 The perfect example is Peter Criss from Kiss.

01:42:30.000 He co-wrote a song.

01:42:31.000 He thinks he wrote Beth, but really Bob Ezrin wrote it.

01:42:35.000 And he's a famous producer.

01:42:37.000 And so it says Peter Criss and Bob Ezra.

01:42:39.000 That was the biggest Kiss song to date.

01:42:40.000 Beth was huge.

01:42:41.000 It was like a ballad.

01:42:42.000 It was the first one that I ever...

01:42:43.000 I was a huge Kiss fan, but that was the first one that made it on the radio.

01:42:46.000 Yeah, that was massive. 0.98

01:42:48.000 Beth is fucking huge. 1.00

01:42:49.000 So Peter Criss got a big head and goes, I want to leave Kiss. 0.99

01:42:51.000 You guys are letting me only write one song.

01:42:53.000 I want to write more songs.

01:42:55.000 He goes, I'm going to make a solo album.

01:42:56.000 And Paul Steinle goes, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.

01:42:58.000 We'll all make solo albums and we'll put them together, but let's not break up.

01:43:01.000 Make a solo album.

01:43:02.000 That's cool.

01:43:02.000 We'll all make solo albums.

01:43:03.000 So they all put out solo albums at the same time.

01:43:05.000 Peter Criss' album, the guy who wanted to leave to make the solo album, was not only the worst of the solo albums, but it's the worst Kiss album ever.

01:43:13.000 He's known for the worst Kiss album ever.

01:43:15.000 No Kiss fan has ever said they liked that album.

01:43:18.000 Really?

01:43:18.000 It's that bad.

01:43:19.000 It's that bad.

01:43:20.000 It's really bad, dude.

01:43:22.000 It's really, really, really bad.

01:43:23.000 So he's not in the band anymore, but there's a fake Peter Chris now?

01:43:27.000 The way they did it, originally when Peter and Ace left, they replaced them with new characters.

01:43:33.000 Like Eric Fox came on to replace Peter Chris as the Fox.

01:43:36.000 Vinny Vincent came on to replace Ace Freely as the Egyptian god or something.

01:43:40.000 Yeah.

01:43:40.000 But then they finally took the makeup off.

01:43:42.000 They went like 10, 15 years without makeup.

01:43:45.000 And then when they put the makeup back, they got Peter and Ace, the original guys, back.

01:43:48.000 They did a couple of reunion tours and the exact same thing happened. 0.99

01:43:52.000 Peter fucked up, Ace fucked up, so they kicked him out. 0.99

01:43:54.000 But this time... 0.99

01:43:55.000 What happened to the fox?

01:43:56.000 Where'd that guy go?

01:43:57.000 He died, actually.

01:43:59.000 But when they did the reunion tour, you gotta bring back the original guys.

01:44:03.000 Because that was two other guys that were...

01:44:05.000 Check out this picture.

01:44:07.000 It's Ace Freely tattooed on this guy's side.

01:44:09.000 He was a bartender or a server at the Cap City Comedy Club.

01:44:14.000 That's awesome.

01:44:14.000 Kid named Bobby.

01:44:15.000 And he ran into Ace Freely and he was drunk and he was talking all this shit to Ace Freely. 1.00

01:44:19.000 And Ace Freely goes, fuck you, kid. 1.00

01:44:21.000 So he gets Ace Freely's picture tattooed on him with, fuck you, kid. 1.00

01:44:27.000 I'll put it up here. 1.00

01:44:28.000 That's amazing.

01:44:29.000 I'll put it on my Twitter later today. 0.99

01:44:31.000 But he got this fucking tattoo of Ace Frehley. 1.00

01:44:35.000 His whole side of his body is permanently a big picture, a shitty one too, of Ace Frehley where it says, Fuck you, kid, underneath it. 1.00

01:44:43.000 That's incredible. 1.00

01:44:43.000 Incredible. 1.00

01:44:44.000 So when they decided to do the reunion, they got the original guys, Ace and Peter.

01:44:48.000 It's been like 15 years.

01:44:49.000 Of course they wanted to do it. 1.00

01:44:50.000 They realized, fuck, we fucked up. 1.00

01:44:51.000 Goddammit, why do we leave Kiss? 1.00

01:44:53.000 And get kicked out at the same time.

01:44:54.000 It's like both.

01:44:55.000 They both got back in.

01:44:56.000 The reunion tours were massive. 0.98

01:44:58.000 They did a couple, and then Peter started fucking up, and Ace started fucking up somehow. 0.98

01:45:02.000 They left. 0.94

01:45:03.000 So instead of getting new guys with new characters...

01:45:06.000 They got new guys to play Ace and Peter.

01:45:09.000 Wow.

01:45:10.000 Didn't know that.

01:45:10.000 And they introduced the guys and say as...

01:45:14.000 No, they never did that.

01:45:16.000 They never did that.

01:45:16.000 No?

01:45:17.000 They don't tell anybody who they are?

01:45:18.000 No, they never pretended like that was the real Ace and that was the real Peter.

01:45:21.000 Maybe they did the first few shows.

01:45:23.000 Maybe they tried to do some shenanigans.

01:45:24.000 No, I'm not saying they did shenanigans.

01:45:25.000 I said they said, you know, and now starring as Bang and they say the guy's name.

01:45:30.000 I don't know.

01:45:31.000 They don't say the guy's name at all?

01:45:32.000 No, they said the real guy's name. 0.77

01:45:33.000 Because what happened is, when they did the reunion tour, Eric Singer, the non-makeup Kiss drummer, and Bruce Kulik, the non-makeup Kiss guitar player, they got left in the behind and go, we're going to do a reunion tour and blow this shit up. 0.68

01:45:45.000 This non-makeup band ain't happening.

01:45:47.000 But when Peter left, they got the non-makeup dude, Eric Singer, to play Peter.

01:45:55.000 Whoa.

01:45:55.000 So he came in, and he always said he was Eric Singer, but they know that a lot of the fans that are coming, they don't even know the difference.

01:46:01.000 Oh man, I liked Kiss when I was a kid.

01:46:03.000 I'm going to go check out Kiss. 0.95

01:46:04.000 They're fucking cool, man. 0.99

01:46:05.000 Rock and roll all night. 0.99

01:46:06.000 They have no idea.

01:46:08.000 They realize.

01:46:08.000 They never hide it.

01:46:09.000 They never deny it.

01:46:10.000 But they know that it doesn't really matter.

01:46:13.000 They're just going to come up.

01:46:13.000 We're going to say that's Eric Singer.

01:46:15.000 We're going to say that's Tommy Thayer playing Ace.

01:46:17.000 But most of the people aren't even going to notice.

01:46:20.000 What was the deal with Ace Frehley and Peter Criss?

01:46:23.000 Why couldn't they get it together?

01:46:24.000 It's the exact same thing.

01:46:25.000 Drugs?

01:46:26.000 And alcohol.

01:46:28.000 And Peter, and they're getting old too.

01:46:30.000 Peter was not a very good drummer back when he practiced a lot.

01:46:34.000 Oh really?

01:46:35.000 And when you, I mean, it's like jujitsu, man. 0.99

01:46:37.000 You don't fucking keep practicing, you lose your chops. 0.99

01:46:40.000 A drummer has to be like a fucking machine, literally, on time. 1.00

01:46:45.000 Right. 0.99

01:46:45.000 Peter and Paul and Gene have never stopped touring. 0.99

01:46:49.000 They never stopped putting out albums.

01:46:50.000 Those guys are machines.

01:46:52.000 They could sing their ass off and they could play. 0.96

01:46:54.000 I mean, Paul is unconscious playing and singing.

01:46:57.000 And Gene, he's one of the most underrated bass players ever. 0.99

01:47:01.000 He can sing fucking harmonies like the Beatles. 0.99

01:47:04.000 Paul and Gene are machines, bro. 0.99

01:47:06.000 So what they got, they decided to replace Eric Singer, the non-makeup kiss guy.

01:47:10.000 They brought him in.

01:47:11.000 They put Peter Criss makeup on him.

01:47:12.000 And he can sing. 0.98

01:47:14.000 Eric Singer can sing and he can play his ass off. 0.55

01:47:17.000 He's an amazing drummer and he can sing.

01:47:18.000 So they go, we're going to bring this guy back.

01:47:20.000 Does he sing Beth now?

01:47:22.000 Yes.

01:47:23.000 They did a reality show.

01:47:25.000 The Gene Simmons show was so successful that they ended up doing...

01:47:29.000 And they would show spots of Kiss during the Gene Simmons reality show.

01:47:33.000 But then they kind of did a spin-off.

01:47:34.000 Why don't we just follow Kiss? 0.99

01:47:35.000 So reality shows are all fucking fake. 0.99

01:47:38.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:47:39.000 Most of them.

01:47:40.000 Even the ones that are real, the camera, the facial reactions, they have one camera there, and how are they panning to all these facial reactions?

01:47:48.000 They're storing these facial reactions from two weeks ago.

01:47:51.000 Oh, there's a good one, a perplexed look.

01:47:53.000 That's how they do it. 0.99

01:47:54.000 Different shirts on and shit. 0.98

01:47:55.000 Yeah, that's how fake it is. 0.97

01:47:56.000 So with the Kiss reality show, there was a mini-series reality show, or it might be an ongoing show.

01:48:02.000 They have to create some drama, so...

01:48:04.000 They're following around, and Eric Singer, who's dressed like Peter, is like, Gene, can I do Beth for the next show?

01:48:11.000 And then Gene's all, you know, I promised Peter that we wouldn't do Beth.

01:48:15.000 I don't know.

01:48:15.000 And Eric's like, come on, dude, let me do Beth.

01:48:17.000 So then Eric Singer disappears.

01:48:19.000 They're about to do a show.

01:48:20.000 Where's Eric Singer?

01:48:21.000 We started an hour.

01:48:22.000 No one's been able to find him.

01:48:24.000 They're all looking for Edgar Singer. 1.00

01:48:25.000 He's like, fuck it. 1.00

01:48:26.000 Let's get the roadie in. 1.00

01:48:26.000 Get him in makeup. 1.00

01:48:28.000 We're just going to do the show without him.

01:48:29.000 We're going to get the roadie to do it.

01:48:30.000 They never show the roadie putting on makeup or anything getting ready.

01:48:33.000 They were just like, oh man.

01:48:34.000 And then all of a sudden, Eric shows up backstage.

01:48:36.000 He's all dressed up in makeup.

01:48:37.000 And he goes, they're going on stage.

01:48:39.000 And he looks over to Peter and goes, or to Paul Stanley, is Gene going to let me do Beth or not?

01:48:44.000 And Paul goes, bro, just get up on stage, man.

01:48:46.000 I don't think so.

01:48:47.000 Something like that. 0.99

01:48:48.000 It's just all ridiculous. 0.99

01:48:49.000 It was ridiculous, dude. 0.99

01:48:50.000 Fake drama, and then he sings it. 0.98

01:48:52.000 I didn't even get that far. 0.98

01:48:55.000 It was ridiculous. 0.98

01:48:56.000 It was ridiculous, man. 0.96

01:48:57.000 Having them argue backstage about singing Beth. 0.94

01:49:01.000 Ugh.

01:49:02.000 Ugh. 1.00

01:49:04.000 Is there a way to do a reality show and not have fake shit? 1.00

01:49:06.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:49:07.000 It's called No Editing Allowed.

01:49:08.000 It's just one camera.

01:49:10.000 But it might not be interesting.

01:49:12.000 Yeah.

01:49:12.000 You've got to have three cameras.

01:49:14.000 But to some people, I'd rather watch an hour that I know is 100% real than an hour that's, like he said, half just chopped up to make it sellable. 1.00

01:49:21.000 That shit insults the fuck out of me. 1.00

01:49:23.000 When I watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians and I see Bruce Jenner running around town trying to fucking meet a deadline or something stupid where I know it's not real. 1.00

01:49:31.000 I'm like, come on, man. 1.00

01:49:32.000 The fake show on my shit is done just all out of fun, man. 0.99

01:49:37.000 We want it fake. 0.99

01:49:38.000 We do those fake...

01:49:39.000 We're storing facial reactions and stuff from people and just putting them in.

01:49:44.000 We're having fun with it.

01:49:45.000 It's like all fake.

01:49:46.000 What he's talking about is 10thplanetjujitsu.com.

01:49:49.000 He's got a thing called Mastering the System.

01:49:51.000 And it's like a fake jujitsu reality show.

01:49:53.000 Yeah.

01:49:54.000 But there's real techniques in there.

01:49:57.000 Real techniques, but we just have fun.

01:49:59.000 Mixed in with?

01:50:00.000 Yeah, shenanigans.

01:50:01.000 It's hilarious.

01:50:03.000 Is the whole Hanato thing, what is the deal with that?

01:50:07.000 Oh, the latest episode that just went up?

01:50:09.000 Yes.

01:50:10.000 He chokes me out.

01:50:11.000 We get in a fight and he chokes me out and he puts me out and he leaves.

01:50:14.000 Have people figured out what's going on yet?

01:50:16.000 Or do people think it's...

01:50:17.000 Most people know it's fake, but there's a small percentage.

01:50:21.000 A forum member from the day one, this girl, emailed me yesterday and said, you know, I respect you to death and all that, but I have to know once and for all, is the Hinata thing real?

01:50:33.000 She goes, I just gotta know.

01:50:34.000 Either way, if it's real, it's real, it's cool, but if it's fake, just let me know.

01:50:38.000 I just don't know.

01:50:39.000 I'm like, wow, you don't know.

01:50:41.000 You know, there's so much evidence.

01:50:43.000 People are piecing together.

01:50:44.000 They're taking footage of Unruhsanda, Days of Our Lives.

01:50:47.000 They're putting it on a form, and I just keep deleting it.

01:50:50.000 Any evidence, I just delete.

01:50:52.000 Just delete.

01:50:52.000 Well, it's a tricky thing, man, when people fake it.

01:50:55.000 When people fake anything.

01:50:56.000 You know, that video I just saw the other day of Alan Belcher punking you.

01:51:01.000 You ever see that video?

01:51:02.000 Yes.

01:51:03.000 After you punked him.

01:51:03.000 No, I haven't seen it.

01:51:04.000 You haven't seen it?

01:51:05.000 There's a video of you punking him at your school.

01:51:08.000 Uh-huh.

01:51:08.000 And then he punks you.

01:51:10.000 Remember?

01:51:10.000 Yes, I remember that.

01:51:11.000 That was...

01:51:14.000 Columbus, Philadelphia?

01:51:15.000 Somewhere.

01:51:16.000 But he got you.

01:51:17.000 I knew it right away. 0.99

01:51:18.000 I was like, no fucking way. 1.00

01:51:20.000 I just thought he was crazy. 1.00

01:51:21.000 I go, this guy's nuts. 0.99

01:51:22.000 I wasn't hearing what he was saying. 0.99

01:51:23.000 I was just going, ooh.

01:51:25.000 Because I always thought, like, the first time I ever met Alan Belcher, it was after an awesome victory.

01:51:30.000 I talked to him a little bit and invited him to my school.

01:51:32.000 I thought he was like a, I thought, man, this guy can snap.

01:51:35.000 He seemed like a snapper.

01:51:36.000 Like, he would just, like, I seen him. 0.98

01:51:38.000 I'm like, damn, I'm like a little scared of him. 0.83

01:51:39.000 I didn't really know him. 1.00

01:51:40.000 The first time we met, he had just beat someone's ass. 1.00

01:51:43.000 His lip was all fucked up and it was quivering. 1.00

01:51:45.000 He had a cut lip and it was quivering. 0.99

01:51:46.000 I'm like, dude, I would love to show you some rubber guard shit and come on down to the gym. 0.99

01:51:53.000 For a second, I thought, man, this guy, he could snap on me. 0.99

01:51:56.000 He ended up being a super fucking sweetheart. 0.97

01:51:58.000 He's totally cool. 0.96

01:51:59.000 I love Alan Belcher.

01:52:00.000 But when he tried to punk me...

01:52:02.000 What was the premise of it?

01:52:03.000 I don't remember.

01:52:03.000 I remember he got mad about something.

01:52:05.000 I don't remember.

01:52:05.000 But I remember as soon as it started coming, as soon as it happened, he was screaming.

01:52:09.000 I turned to the camera and went, No.

01:52:10.000 Like he was trying to fight you?

01:52:12.000 No, no, no.

01:52:13.000 It wasn't me.

01:52:13.000 What was he saying?

01:52:14.000 I was on the outside.

01:52:15.000 I was on the outside.

01:52:16.000 You were trying to keep him from getting mad about something.

01:52:19.000 I think he was going to start a fight with a bouncer or something.

01:52:22.000 He was getting nuts with a bouncer.

01:52:24.000 And I was going, Oh, no. 1.00

01:52:25.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:52:25.000 We got a crazy motherfucker on our ass. 1.00

01:52:26.000 He's gonna fight a bouncer right now. 1.00

01:52:28.000 That is a problem.

01:52:30.000 If you hang out with a certain number of MMA fighters, there's a few, you know, always one or two, that's a loose cannon.

01:52:36.000 You never know.

01:52:37.000 A couple of drinks get in them, shaking them.

01:52:40.000 Junie Browning was at my school last night.

01:52:43.000 How's he doing?

01:52:44.000 Oh, he's totally cool, man.

01:52:45.000 I love Junie Browning.

01:52:47.000 But before I actually met him, he was the only guy ever that I saw on The Ultimate Fighter.

01:52:52.000 And, you know, we're always backstage running into these guys all the time.

01:52:56.000 And that new season comes on, I go, oh, I've got to remember these dudes because I'm going to be running to them all the time.

01:53:00.000 I don't want to not know their names and feel like a total douchebag.

01:53:03.000 So I'm like watching the show...

01:53:06.000 Studying their fighting techniques, seeing what kind of fighter they are and what kind of personality they have.

01:53:11.000 When they showed Junie Browning on top, I thought to myself, man, this guy can snap on anybody.

01:53:17.000 I don't want to get to know this guy.

01:53:20.000 I made the decision in my head, don't get close to that guy.

01:53:23.000 Do you remember when you told him that?

01:53:24.000 We were in Las Vegas.

01:53:25.000 We were eating at the Nine at the Palms.

01:53:27.000 And he was a really nice guy.

01:53:29.000 And he was a big fan of yours.

01:53:31.000 And that's...

01:53:31.000 I tried to avoid him.

01:53:32.000 I didn't even want to talk to him. 0.95

01:53:33.000 I just thought from the show they made him seem like a total lunatic, right? 0.95

01:53:37.000 So, and Sean Tompkins trained him and he just fucked somebody up on a spike show in Vegas and we're at nine. 0.95

01:53:43.000 The place is packed. 0.82

01:53:44.000 I see Sean Tompkins walking towards me.

01:53:47.000 I'm like, I love Sean Tompkins. 0.61

01:53:48.000 So as soon as he came up, I like, you know, we gave each other a little hug and I saw that, oh damn, Junie Browning's right behind him and his buddy.

01:53:56.000 So I hugged Sean Tompkins and kind of looked the other way, trying to pretend like I didn't notice Junie Browning. 1.00

01:54:01.000 I'm going, fuck, man. 1.00

01:54:02.000 Here he comes. 1.00

01:54:02.000 He's coming right for me. 1.00

01:54:03.000 Shit, he's with Sean Tompkins. 1.00

01:54:05.000 I hear him right next to me. 1.00

01:54:07.000 He's like right over my shoulder.

01:54:08.000 And he almost passed me by, but his buddy from Kentucky said, hey, there's Eddie Bravo. 0.98

01:54:12.000 And I'm like, oh shit, he's going to come up. 0.80

01:54:14.000 So he tapped me on the shoulder, and I looked over, and I was like, hey, dude, what's going on, dude? 0.98

01:54:18.000 Great fight. 1.00

01:54:18.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:54:19.000 And I'm thinking, oh shit. 1.00

01:54:21.000 I'm actually talking to him. 1.00

01:54:22.000 Holy shit, what's going to happen? 0.99

01:54:23.000 And then he goes, bro, man, we're always studying your books and smoking weed and... 1.00

01:54:29.000 And on the mats with your book out.

01:54:31.000 I do rubber guard.

01:54:32.000 I got a good twister. 0.88

01:54:33.000 And all of a sudden, I'm like, whoa!

01:54:34.000 This guy's a 10th Planet fan.

01:54:37.000 All of a sudden, I got to give this guy a chance.

01:54:39.000 Maybe I prejudged him. 0.97

01:54:41.000 And he turned out to be a fucking cool guy, man. 0.98

01:54:44.000 He's thinking about moving to LA to get away from Vegas. 0.98

01:54:48.000 He's not partying anymore.

01:54:49.000 He just wants to clean up his life and make a big comeback.

01:54:53.000 He's still a young kid, right, isn't he?

01:54:55.000 He's funny as hell, dude.

01:54:56.000 He's funny. 1.00

01:54:57.000 That motherfucker is funny. 1.00

01:54:59.000 He doesn't have to be drunk after jiu-jitsu. 1.00

01:55:01.000 We hung out in the parking lot and he made all of us laugh quite a few times He's got some witty-ass shit man. 0.99

01:55:07.000 He's a cool dude He just you know, he had a bad upbringing his dad used to beat the shit out of him and you're gonna come up You know you're gonna have a little kinks, you know a couple kinks That's all I mean We've run into so many guys over the years that started out like that and then eventually got their shit together, you know One way or another. 1.00

01:55:23.000 It's fun to watch guys like that evolve and become something better than what they were.

01:55:27.000 Like Chris Lieben.

01:55:28.000 Perfect example. 0.99

01:55:30.000 Of a guy who started out as kind of a brawler and now he's like a fucking... 1.00

01:55:33.000 After you put Aaron Simpson away, he's like a seasoned motherfucker now. 1.00

01:55:36.000 Triangled Akiyama. 0.99

01:55:38.000 Yeah, for real.

01:55:39.000 Chris Lieben's a bad man.

01:55:40.000 He's smart, man.

01:55:41.000 And I believe that Junie Browning, I really believe that he's too smart to throw his life away.

01:55:45.000 He's that smart. 1.00

01:55:46.000 If he was an idiot, he might just keep fucking. 1.00

01:55:49.000 Well, he would benefit from hanging around you, man. 1.00

01:55:51.000 If you understand troubled childhoods and channeling that shit into something positive and being around positive people, man, that's the most important thing for having a positive life, being around a bunch of other people that are on the same wavelength as you and trying to do the same shit. 0.96

01:56:09.000 That's one of the cool things about Tenth Planet Jiu-Jitsu in Hollywood is that everyone is super positive there. 0.90

01:56:14.000 And it all trickles down from you.

01:56:16.000 Thank you, sir.

01:56:17.000 Well, you know that, right?

01:56:18.000 I mean, it all trickles down for me.

01:56:19.000 I mean, a lot of places, if you go there and the instructor's kind of douchey, and people can get douchey with each other, and there's none of that at our place.

01:56:26.000 Everybody's very cool.

01:56:28.000 All I'm doing, really, is acknowledging that everyone has an ego.

01:56:32.000 I have an ego.

01:56:33.000 Everybody has an ego.

01:56:34.000 And I just, every day, I try to do things to keep that ego in check.

01:56:38.000 Because if I don't, if I'm not consciously trying to keep it in check, sometimes it just pops up and fucks up. 0.57

01:56:44.000 You know what I mean?

01:56:45.000 So...

01:56:48.000 It rubs off on my students.

01:56:50.000 My students are constantly, if their ego flares up, they can catch themselves, they can correct themselves.

01:56:56.000 It's a lifelong process, man.

01:56:58.000 Everybody has an ego and everyone struggles with it.

01:57:01.000 This podcast is a part of that too, man.

01:57:03.000 I've talked to a bunch of people that I've met all over the world.

01:57:06.000 One of the most important ones was this kid that I met in Boston who's from Ireland.

01:57:10.000 Who was explaining that, man, he goes, we don't have anybody like this near me.

01:57:15.000 No one talks like this.

01:57:16.000 No one gives us this.

01:57:18.000 There's no one around that's like a thinker this way, that thinks about life this way, that's open-minded.

01:57:22.000 And he goes, and because of this podcast, it's making me like reassess the way I evaluate life and reassess the way I talk and think about things.

01:57:30.000 Having guys like you teaching jiu-jitsu, having a podcast like this, it's like a serious connection we have to all these people.

01:57:37.000 And they help me too, man.

01:57:39.000 I've gotten a bunch of cool tweets from people and inspirational shit and cool articles that people have tweeted me and cool things that people post on the message board.

01:57:48.000 It's all like a big thing together.

01:57:50.000 It's all a big thing, everybody helping everybody else.

01:57:54.000 Yeah, it's so much fun.

01:57:56.000 Every day I drive to class, I remind myself on the way to class of how lucky I am.

01:58:01.000 This is my job.

01:58:03.000 I mean, I don't even look at it like a job.

01:58:06.000 Look at it like a job.

01:58:08.000 Sorry.

01:58:08.000 But, I mean, every day is a day off for me, man.

01:58:11.000 And I appreciate so much just going to class and everyone's just sitting there and they're waiting for me to teach them how to strangle Like, you know, in an efficient way. 0.89

01:58:21.000 Like, how fucking lucky am I? I can't believe it every day.

01:58:24.000 It's amazing.

01:58:25.000 And the cool thing about Jiu-Jitsu for people who don't know is everybody's real friendly to each other, man. 0.64

01:58:29.000 I mean, people catch people all the time in, you know, in arm bars and chokes and shit like that.

01:58:35.000 And, you know, you don't want to get caught, but there's no fights ever break out. 0.92

01:58:40.000 No bullshit ever happens. 0.99

01:58:41.000 It's all just, you know, damn, I got caught. 1.00

01:58:43.000 All right, what did I do wrong? 0.99

01:58:43.000 Oh, you forgot to put your arm in. 0.99

01:58:45.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

01:58:45.000 Oh, thank you. 0.99

01:58:46.000 It's a massive misconception about jujitsu that jujitsu classes are a bunch of meatheads, they're douchebags, they're dickheads, and they think it's like we train in a cage.

01:58:57.000 it's a bunch of computer nerds that that are playing the ultimate virtual reality game because if you're into video games and like killing someone by pressing a button but no one's really dying but you enjoy that that feeling jiu-jitsu is the ultimate virtual reality video game it's where we is going to end up the we is feeling more like a baseball bat like a golf club how about you can can actually kill people you know theoretically or you know with jiu-jitsu you put someone in a choke they tap out

01:59:25.000 it was like you killed them because if you didn't let them go you would actually kill them and you could learn you can it's It's anybody.

01:59:32.000 There's so many jiu-jitsu schools all over the world.

01:59:34.000 You can learn how to systematically and scientifically break limbs and put people to sleep.

01:59:41.000 There's like over 20 different ways you can put someone to sleep just with the neck.

01:59:45.000 You know, there's probably more.

01:59:46.000 I'm just guessing at least 20. All these different chokes. 1.00

01:59:49.000 So many different variations of guillotines and darses and jacks.

01:59:52.000 And it becomes just a really fun game too.

01:59:55.000 It's an amazing game.

01:59:56.000 Yeah.

01:59:56.000 It's a killing game.

01:59:58.000 It's a game where, I mean...

01:59:59.000 I hurt my arm a couple of weeks ago, but for the most part, when you get involved in serious rolling with somebody, everybody's fine when it's over.

02:00:12.000 You get caught with something, you just tap, and 99% of the time, you're fine.

02:00:17.000 Every now and then, you'll get something and something will get tweaked, or your knee will get twisted.

02:00:20.000 I know you had a knee problem that happened recently. 0.99

02:00:22.000 Both my knees are fucked. 0.99

02:00:24.000 But it's so fun, you never think about stopping doing it. 0.99

02:00:26.000 You just think, man, I can't wait for myself to heal up.

02:00:29.000 Exactly.

02:00:29.000 So I can get back in.

02:00:30.000 You're like, fuck. 1.00

02:00:31.000 When you tweak something, you're like, goddammit, I'll probably be out in a couple weeks. 1.00

02:00:35.000 Shit. 1.00

02:00:35.000 And it's just fun. 1.00

02:00:36.000 It's so much fun.

02:00:37.000 I mean, think about this.

02:00:40.000 You have to work out.

02:00:41.000 Everybody has to work out.

02:00:42.000 If you're in perfect shape, you have to maintain.

02:00:44.000 You have to keep working out.

02:00:45.000 Why not work out and learn how to take people out, put them to sleep at the same time?

02:00:53.000 And it's the ultimate video game.

02:00:55.000 It's exercise.

02:00:57.000 You learn some serious self-defense that can come up at any time in your life.

02:01:01.000 It's valuable and it gives you so much confidence.

02:01:03.000 And it's so much fun.

02:01:04.000 It kills video games.

02:01:07.000 And then you meet a lot of great people that have their ego in check because if you don't have...

02:01:11.000 If you don't have your ego in check, then those people don't survive jujitsu.

02:01:16.000 The tapping is a douchebag filter, the tapping.

02:01:21.000 Because dudes, it's where their ego rules them.

02:01:25.000 They can't jump on the mat and get tapped out.

02:01:28.000 They run from it.

02:01:29.000 Or they get on the edge of the mat and they're like, no way am I going to...

02:01:31.000 Let people tap me out.

02:01:33.000 And they really don't know what's going on.

02:01:35.000 But subconsciously, the fear of being dominated and tapping out by losing, looking like a weakling, that scares people away.

02:01:41.000 You got to look at it like you're just learning.

02:01:43.000 Of course, you're going to get tapped out in the beginning.

02:01:45.000 And the more you come, the more dedicated you are.

02:01:48.000 As time passes, you start tapping dudes out occasionally.

02:01:51.000 But still, you're usually tapping.

02:01:53.000 You're a beginner.

02:01:54.000 But ultimately, one or two years, man, you can minimize those taps.

02:01:58.000 And you're If you did jiu-jitsu for two years, the odds are, in a street fight, one-on-one, the odds are, way on your side.

02:02:09.000 Way on your side.

02:02:10.000 Anything could happen in a street fight, but man, a guy that's trained jiu-jitsu two years against a guy who has zero training on the ground?

02:02:18.000 Hmm...

02:02:18.000 Another great aspect of it is that it calms down your body and it makes you realize how much of it influences stress and just the fact that we have this ancient chimpanzee hardware in our system.

02:02:28.000 Our bodies are set up for hunting and gathering and carrying things and Our bodies are set up to exert a certain amount of energy, and if you don't exert a certain amount of energy with your body, your body starts to betray you, and you start to get really stressful, and you start to snap at things that you wouldn't ordinarily snap at, or you shouldn't rationally be upset about.

02:02:45.000 It allows you to put things into perspective.

02:02:46.000 It calms your body down.

02:02:48.000 That's very important, man.

02:02:49.000 Yeah, I mean...

02:02:50.000 Are you saying Jiu-Jitsu is better than Quake?

02:02:52.000 Are you going to start that?

02:02:54.000 There's a bunch of people put a bunch of videos of cool video games that are out there, man. 0.99

02:02:59.000 Fuck, you know, like to try to tell me that there's all these different video games. 1.00

02:03:02.000 Man, there's some insane shit. 1.00

02:03:04.000 There's this one, I don't know the name of it, but they were, it was like, it looked like they were in the jungle. 1.00

02:03:09.000 And they were like near some, like, it looked like some Mayan temples and shit. 0.96

02:03:12.000 The graphics are insane. 0.99

02:03:14.000 Russian attack?

02:03:15.000 I don't know what it is, man.

02:03:16.000 I don't know what it is.

02:03:17.000 I don't remember what it is.

02:03:17.000 Someone put just, you know, a demo up.

02:03:20.000 And then someone put Crisis.

02:03:21.000 Oh, Fallout, I bet.

02:03:22.000 I don't know what it was.

02:03:23.000 But the demo was insane.

02:03:24.000 And then Crisis was another one that was pretty interesting.

02:03:26.000 A bunch of dudes running around shooting people.

02:03:29.000 But then I put a video.

02:03:30.000 I went to watch a video of Quake online.

02:03:32.000 And I go back to what I said.

02:03:34.000 I don't know It's just, I understand that these games are beautiful.

02:03:38.000 I understand these games have all these cool things you can do.

02:03:40.000 There's the latest version of Quake, though, right?

02:03:42.000 It's Quake 4, yeah. 0.97

02:03:43.000 All I want to do is fuck people up in one-on-one deathmatches. 0.99

02:03:47.000 That's what I like to do. 0.99

02:03:48.000 But yeah, you're...

02:03:48.000 I don't know, that's not even talking.

02:03:50.000 I understand what you're saying, man.

02:03:52.000 No, I'm just saying that if you like deathmatches, they've taken the formula of deathmatch and just added on to it for like the last 15, 20 years or whatever, how long...

02:04:00.000 Well, Quake 3 was...

02:04:01.000 I mean, Quake 4 was 2,000-something.

02:04:04.000 It was like 2005 or 2006. Alright, so for the last five, six months...

02:04:07.000 Maybe I should...

02:04:08.000 I might not be...

02:04:09.000 But they've just taken the formula.

02:04:10.000 They even used the same engine on Call of Duty when it first came out.

02:04:14.000 And they've just improved it, improved it, improved it.

02:04:16.000 And a lot of these games...

02:04:17.000 Last week I wasn't talking about keyboard and mouse.

02:04:23.000 The games are better now.

02:04:29.000 People still do those driving games?

02:04:41.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:04:42.000 Totally.

02:04:42.000 To me, though, what's fun to me about video games, I understand all that, but what's fun to me is just I got addicted straight up to one-on-one matches and even team death matches.

02:04:54.000 Just the fact that you have this incredibly precise control over the environment.

02:04:58.000 Yeah, you're more like the pool statistic version of the video games.

02:05:01.000 Exactly.

02:05:01.000 That's a very small majority.

02:05:04.000 Yeah, most people like to play football games, and the controller's perfect for that.

02:05:08.000 With Quake games, those one-on-one first-person shooters, it's just so precise.

02:05:12.000 It's so addictive, man.

02:05:13.000 When you were talking about, was your cousins addicted to games?

02:05:15.000 No, my nephew.

02:05:17.000 Man, when I was a little kid, if they'd hit me with some Quake, I would've lost my life.

02:05:20.000 I would've never got into martial arts.

02:05:22.000 I would've never got productive with my life.

02:05:24.000 I would've never paid attention in school.

02:05:26.000 Joe, there's a game on Steam that you can play on your Mac that has nothing to do with it, but I want you to...

02:05:31.000 Next time you're bored and you just want to spend...

02:05:33.000 Because it's a really short game, so you can't get addicted to it.

02:05:35.000 Like, literally, you could beat it in, like, six hours.

02:05:38.000 Really?

02:05:38.000 But it's called Portal.

02:05:40.000 Six hours?

02:05:41.000 Jesus, I ain't got six hours. 1.00

02:05:42.000 I got kids, motherfucker. 1.00

02:05:43.000 No, no, I mean, but six hours spread up for, like, months. 1.00

02:05:45.000 That's an addiction right there.

02:05:47.000 That game alone will set your mind racing to how crazy video games are nowadays.

02:05:52.000 What is the best one right now? 0.97

02:05:54.000 If I wanted to get something for an Xbox and something that's just going to blow my fucking mind, Gears of War?

02:06:00.000 For you, I would probably go with more of a Borderlands or something like that.

02:06:05.000 What is Borderlands?

02:06:06.000 I would actually find a game that you could play on your Mac.

02:06:09.000 A game like Call of Duty that you can play.

02:06:11.000 I think Call of Duty 4 is on there. 0.99

02:06:14.000 There's a couple scenes from Call of Duty 4 that will blow your fucking mind. 0.97

02:06:18.000 There's a red one, red something cowboy one. 0.99

02:06:21.000 Don't get that. 1.00

02:06:22.000 That's shit. 1.00

02:06:22.000 What is that one? 1.00

02:06:23.000 It's just Grand Theft Auto, but using a horse and cowboy.

02:06:25.000 What is it called?

02:06:26.000 It's called Red Dead Dawn or something like that.

02:06:28.000 I gave it a chance, but I was like, alright, this is Grand Theft Auto.

02:06:31.000 I don't want to play it anymore.

02:06:31.000 That was a hugely successful game, though.

02:06:34.000 It's just people like that formula.

02:06:36.000 I'm sure it's bigger and better than Grand Theft Auto, but for me, I just played it and I'm like, I'm done with that.

02:06:41.000 I don't want to play that anymore.

02:06:42.000 I'm over that.

02:06:43.000 They say that EA martial arts game is a bust.

02:06:46.000 Nobody's buying it.

02:06:47.000 Really?

02:06:47.000 I still haven't played the UFC. Do you have like a box of...

02:06:51.000 I'll give you one.

02:06:51.000 Cool.

02:06:53.000 There's a new one we're working on right now.

02:06:54.000 Joey Diaz.

02:06:55.000 Who do you think this is?

02:06:56.000 Joey Diaz. 1.00

02:06:57.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:06:58.000 Pick up the phone, cocksucker. 1.00

02:06:59.000 That's not what happened. 0.99

02:07:00.000 Go back to that Alex Jones transcript.

02:07:05.000 So your call's gone.

02:07:09.000 That's Brian Callen.

02:07:10.000 Brian Callen must have just gotten to the tank right before we were going to do the podcast.

02:07:15.000 He was about to get in the tank for the first time.

02:07:16.000 Oh, that's what it was, Brian?

02:07:17.000 Here?

02:07:17.000 Yeah.

02:07:18.000 No, not here.

02:07:19.000 No, at the place in Venice.

02:07:20.000 The headquarters.

02:07:22.000 Floatlab.com.

02:07:24.000 So I think what we got out of today is that Eddie Bravo loves UFOs.

02:07:27.000 I love them.

02:07:28.000 And Jiu-Jitsu.

02:07:29.000 I love them like bunnies.

02:07:31.000 And Brian loves cats.

02:07:33.000 And one hit of weed instead of three.

02:07:35.000 You got too high today?

02:07:36.000 No, I'm just saying that I liked my high today with one hit.

02:07:40.000 I think that's all I need to do for now.

02:07:41.000 No, no more than two.

02:07:42.000 And if there are going to be two, it's two light ones. 1.00

02:07:44.000 Your shit fucking fucked me up this weekend, by the way. 1.00

02:07:47.000 We smoked before we went on stage. 1.00

02:07:49.000 Oh, we should talk about that.

02:07:51.000 We smoked, and then Joey Diaz told me five minutes later, going, oh, I might put you up on stage.

02:07:56.000 And I'm like, what?

02:07:57.000 I'm going to...

02:07:57.000 Sold out Joe Rogan's show?

02:07:59.000 No!

02:08:00.000 So I was completely baked out of my mind the first couple days.

02:08:04.000 Well, what we did this weekend, what was different, was we took Esther on the road.

02:08:08.000 It was little Esther, who's Brian's friend, who's a...

02:08:10.000 She's an emerging stand-up comedian in LA, and she's only 22 years old.

02:08:14.000 She's only been doing comedy like two years. 0.97

02:08:16.000 And we just said, well, it's just fucking just for an experiment. 0.98

02:08:20.000 See what it's like to take this kid and throw her up in front of a real crowd. 0.99

02:08:23.000 She did great. 0.87

02:08:24.000 Yeah, she killed it.

02:08:25.000 Littleester.com. 1.00

02:08:26.000 Dude, she's fucking good, man. 0.99

02:08:27.000 She's confident and smooth. 0.99

02:08:29.000 And for someone who's only been doing comedy for two years, she's way better than I was two years into it.

02:08:34.000 And I told her that.

02:08:35.000 When I was two years into it, I was a mess. 1.00

02:08:36.000 I was a clunky, fucking goofy mess. 0.99

02:08:40.000 Is it okay that she's... 0.99

02:08:41.000 Is she known for looking really young? 0.99

02:08:43.000 Yeah.

02:08:43.000 That's one of her characters.

02:08:45.000 Yeah, she looks like she's 12. Seriously.

02:08:47.000 What's her name?

02:08:48.000 Esther?

02:08:48.000 Little Esther.

02:08:49.000 Little Esther?

02:08:50.000 Her feet, seriously, are smaller than my hands.

02:08:52.000 I smell like they're twice as big.

02:08:54.000 Whoa.

02:08:54.000 Just kidding.

02:08:55.000 What the fuck, bro? 1.00

02:08:56.000 Why are you throwing her under the bus, man? 1.00

02:08:58.000 She's funny, man.

02:08:59.000 She's hilarious.

02:09:00.000 She did a good job. 0.72

02:09:01.000 And you did a good job, too, man.

02:09:02.000 It was interesting watching you loosen up from the first set you did on Thursday night to the last set you did on Saturday night, which was your best one.

02:09:08.000 Right.

02:09:09.000 I have something to admit to you, Joe.

02:09:11.000 That second set Saturday, I acted like I smoked marijuana before I went on stage, before I went on stage.

02:09:16.000 The second shot?

02:09:17.000 Oh, you didn't really smoke it?

02:09:20.000 No, because I was like, no, and you were like, do it, do it!

02:09:22.000 And I'm like, no, I don't want that.

02:09:23.000 So the best show that you had was the one where you weren't high.

02:09:25.000 Right.

02:09:26.000 You weren't high at all?

02:09:27.000 No, high at all.

02:09:28.000 You must have been a little high still for the first show.

02:09:29.000 Well, from the first time, but that was like three hours.

02:09:30.000 So it had leveled off.

02:09:31.000 It was because you were nervous.

02:09:33.000 Weed isn't that great when you're nervous, man.

02:09:35.000 And he realized that, that you were probably high and got paranoid.

02:09:38.000 Well, I was getting high...

02:09:40.000 And then going on stage five minutes later, that's not a good mix for me.

02:09:43.000 It's not a good mix for the podcast either.

02:09:46.000 Many times we get high right before we do the podcast, like today.

02:09:49.000 The first words out of my mouth are like...

02:09:51.000 They don't come out that good.

02:09:54.000 But right now, we're two hours in, it's all smooth.

02:09:57.000 But once you're killing and you're really confident and you can't wait to go on stage, then the weed will take you through the roof.

02:10:03.000 Yeah, but even then, you've got to make sure you don't get too high.

02:10:05.000 I think Red Bull and Vodka, one or two of them before on stage, is the key ingredient for stand-up comedy.

02:10:10.000 One or two Red Bulls and vodka?

02:10:11.000 Red Bull vodkas, yeah.

02:10:13.000 I like a little bit of weed and some calisthenics.

02:10:16.000 Yeah, my best teaching always comes from me being high when I teach.

02:10:21.000 Because I'm so confident with it that it adds to it.

02:10:23.000 I'll be pissed off.

02:10:25.000 I don't have weed right now, and I didn't...

02:10:29.000 I didn't teach class today, Stone.

02:10:31.000 This morning, I didn't teach class.

02:10:33.000 I felt pretty good.

02:10:34.000 I mean, I feel it was a good class, but I always feel like when I'm high, it's just...

02:10:38.000 Like, I don't want the class to end.

02:10:40.000 I want her to keep going.

02:10:41.000 I want more time. 0.99

02:10:42.000 When I'm in that space and in that zone, like, shit, I'm running out of time. 0.97

02:10:45.000 There's so much I've got to say and show. 0.99

02:10:47.000 When we did the Alex Jones show, we got high in the car right before we went in there.

02:10:51.000 Really high.

02:10:53.000 We went like three hits.

02:10:54.000 Alex Jones show would be cool high, though.

02:10:56.000 Well, it's bewildering, though, because when we walked in, you know, I walked in, Joe, they're about to de- We're going to devalue the dollar.

02:11:03.000 They're going to take the dollar away.

02:11:04.000 It's been proven.

02:11:05.000 It's here in Forbes.

02:11:07.000 They're x-raying your home.

02:11:09.000 They're driving by in vans.

02:11:11.000 And they're taking photos of you irradiating your house with deadly radiation that can give cancer.

02:11:17.000 These poor people... 0.81

02:11:18.000 So it's like you go from right out of the car.

02:11:21.000 Everybody's laughing. 1.00

02:11:21.000 We're talking shit. 1.00

02:11:22.000 We're breaking down country music. 1.00

02:11:24.000 There was like some ridiculous country music song. 0.97

02:11:26.000 You know, but lonely girls make the best lovers. 1.00

02:11:29.000 Remember that?

02:11:30.000 What's that?

02:11:30.000 I don't know.

02:11:31.000 We're laughing our asses off, and then you go right in there.

02:11:34.000 Death, destruction, New World Order, elites, global warming.

02:11:39.000 What was he saying about radiation and all that sort of thing? 0.96

02:11:42.000 This is a crazy fucking real thing they're doing where they're driving through neighborhoods and they're blasting these cars with these super powerful x-rays from these vans. 0.95

02:11:52.000 And they're looking inside vehicles. 1.00

02:11:54.000 They have photos of this shit. 1.00

02:11:56.000 It was in Forbes magazine. 1.00

02:11:57.000 He pulls up the story and shows it to me.

02:11:58.000 And they're doing it to houses too. 0.98

02:12:00.000 They just drive by and point this fucking crazy x-ray gun at cars and see right through them. 0.98

02:12:06.000 They show all these photos of people looking at bricks of cocaine in the back of a van. 0.99

02:12:10.000 I'm like, this is nuts, man.

02:12:12.000 They can shoot x-rays through these vans.

02:12:15.000 It just makes me really wonder, though, how people go on the radiation, like what exactly, how strong it is.

02:12:21.000 Because, like, the other day I was talking to my dentist, and he said, like, you know, this radiation is about equal to standing next to a microwave.

02:12:29.000 That's what he said?

02:12:29.000 Yeah, something like that.

02:12:30.000 I forget, I don't know what it is.

02:12:31.000 So you should wear a lead vest when you microwaves a popcorn?

02:12:33.000 I don't know.

02:12:34.000 I don't know what that's for.

02:12:35.000 But he said it's not that big a deal.

02:12:37.000 That's why he's not wearing a lead vest, you know?

02:12:39.000 Well, the crazy thing is that there's radiation around us all the time, right?

02:12:42.000 Right, like your cell phones.

02:12:43.000 There's radiation coming from space and...

02:12:45.000 Microwaving your brain every time you put it up to your ear.

02:12:47.000 Yeah, no one knows what's happening with those, right?

02:12:48.000 Yeah.

02:12:49.000 What happens, though, when you're in your car, though, and you've got a hands-free?

02:12:51.000 Is that okay? 0.95

02:12:52.000 Well, not when you have your phone between your crotch. 0.91

02:12:54.000 You know, when you're driving. 1.00

02:12:55.000 You're cooking your dick. 1.00

02:12:56.000 There was a study released recently that said that laptops cook your balls. 1.00

02:12:59.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:13:00.000 They cook your sperm. 0.99

02:13:01.000 Totally. 1.00

02:13:02.000 Makes your sperm ineffective. 0.97

02:13:03.000 If you have your laptop on your lap? 1.00

02:13:05.000 Yeah, you're cooking your balls. 0.98

02:13:06.000 But not up there. 0.99

02:13:08.000 No, no.

02:13:08.000 No, it's because of the heat.

02:13:10.000 The heat. 0.99

02:13:10.000 The heat cooks your balls. 0.99

02:13:11.000 Yeah, I never put my laptop on my lap. 0.99

02:13:14.000 Yeah, I got this thing for that very reason.

02:13:16.000 I got this little pad that sits on the laptop.

02:13:19.000 It makes it more comfortable anyway because the bottom is soft so it sort of molds to your legs.

02:13:24.000 And with that note, do you got that Italian song?

02:13:27.000 No, it says YouTube user does not allow mobile views or something like that.

02:13:34.000 What?

02:13:35.000 Yeah.

02:13:37.000 So sad.

02:13:38.000 Is this it?

02:13:39.000 That would have been the perfect ending.

02:13:40.000 What is this you're playing?

02:13:41.000 Fatboy Slim again.

02:13:42.000 Another Fatboy Slim?

02:13:43.000 Well, it's the same thing.

02:13:43.000 It sounds like you love him.

02:13:44.000 It's like a two-hour...

02:13:45.000 If you go to his website, it's called Fatboy Slim Summer Mix, and it's just a free download.

02:13:49.000 It's like a...

02:13:49.000 I think you love him like Eddie loves UFOs.

02:13:51.000 I think I do, too.

02:13:53.000 Not that much.

02:13:55.000 Alright, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for tuning into the podcast.

02:13:57.000 Next week, we're in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

02:14:00.000 It's me and Tommy Segura at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase. 0.99

02:14:05.000 You're going to have to find where that shit is. 0.99

02:14:07.000 I don't know where it is. 0.99

02:14:08.000 It's like an hour from Detroit.

02:14:10.000 But we're doing two shows, 1, 8, and 10.30.

02:14:13.000 It's on my Twitter.

02:14:14.000 It's on JoeRogan.net.

02:14:16.000 Thank you to The Fleshlight for sponsoring this podcast.

02:14:19.000 As always, you can go to JoeRogan.net and enter into the code, I believe it's Rogan, right?

02:14:24.000 Yep.

02:14:24.000 Rogan.

02:14:25.000 You get 15% off, so you can fuck that shit, yo. 1.00

02:14:28.000 It's the best thing ever. 1.00

02:14:29.000 Eddie Bravo, thank you very much for coming on, as always, my friend.

02:14:32.000 And if people want to reach you, 10thplanetjj.com.

02:14:35.000 That's it.

02:14:36.000 And on Twitter, it's at Eddie Bravo, and of course, Brian Redband, at Redband, if you want to tell Little Esther that you were in Austin, Texas, and you thought she was awesome, and you were so proud of her.

02:14:47.000 She's Little Esther.

02:14:48.000 Listen to her on Adam Cole tomorrow.

02:14:50.000 Oh, okay.

02:14:50.000 When is that?

02:14:51.000 I don't know.

02:14:52.000 Just... 0.98

02:14:53.000 She's blowing the fuck up. 1.00

02:14:54.000 The kid's blowing up. 0.99

02:14:55.000 She's on Adam Carolla. 1.00

02:14:56.000 We had her here first, bitch. 1.00

02:14:58.000 We took her on the road. 1.00

02:15:00.000 She's talented.

02:15:00.000 Some things are going to happen.

02:15:01.000 Joey Diaz is madflavor on Twitter.

02:15:04.000 Thank you everybody.

02:15:06.000 That's it.

02:15:07.000 We'll see you next week. 1.00

02:15:08.000 Love you, bitches. 1.00

02:15:08.000 See ya later. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - November 09, 2010

Joe Rogan Experience #54 - Eddie Bravo

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Transcript