The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #545 - Tony Hinchcliffe

00:00:02.000 Hello, freaks. 1.00

00:00:03.000 What the fuck's going on? 1.00

00:00:04.000 Did we sneak up on you? 1.00

00:00:06.000 I barely tweeted this one.

00:00:07.000 I tweeted this one just moments ago.

00:00:11.000 This episode is brought to you by ZipRecruiter.

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00:01:34.000 And right now, my listeners...

00:01:35.000 That's a lot of businesses.

00:01:37.000 200,000. 0.95

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00:02:09.000 We're also brought to you by DraftKings.

00:02:11.000 Hello, fantasy football dorks.

00:02:13.000 Football is back. 0.98

00:02:15.000 And DraftKings.com isn't fucking around.

00:02:19.000 DraftKings.com is America's favorite one-week fantasy football site, and you could get your piece of $5 million being awarded this week. 1.00

00:02:28.000 That's some ridiculous shit. 0.99

00:02:31.000 They have real money. 1.00

00:02:32.000 I thought fantasy football was just a bunch of guys having a good time, being silly.

00:02:38.000 There's a lot more involved in it.

00:02:40.000 I have a championship belt.

00:02:41.000 I'm the comedy store fantasy champion.

00:02:44.000 I don't talk about it.

00:02:45.000 I'm sort of a closet case.

00:02:46.000 You don't think it's serious?

00:02:48.000 I have a championship belt, Joe.

00:02:50.000 Who made the belt?

00:02:51.000 The commissioner of the league.

00:02:52.000 It has the big comedy store.

00:02:54.000 It's all gold and black.

00:02:55.000 So someone spent money on this?

00:02:57.000 Yeah.

00:02:57.000 We all threw in an extra 15 or 20 bucks.

00:03:01.000 It's like a $200 belt.

00:03:02.000 It is awesome.

00:03:04.000 Now, if you lose, do you have to give that belt up or do you keep a copy of the belt forever because you were the champ?

00:03:10.000 Unfortunately, our league isn't that luxury to where you get to keep a model belt. 0.94

00:03:14.000 The belt goes on to the next winner.

00:03:17.000 Yeah, because everybody always wonders that, like with boxing matches.

00:03:20.000 How does that work?

00:03:21.000 Does a guy get the belt? 0.93

00:03:22.000 Do you get a copy of your own belt?

00:03:23.000 Guys, keep a belt.

00:03:24.000 If you were the champ, you go over to Sugar Ray Leonard's house, he's still got the belt.

00:03:28.000 He's not the champ anymore, but the belt's still in his house.

00:03:32.000 Yeah.

00:03:33.000 They give you a replica.

00:03:34.000 Works that way with pro wrestling.

00:03:35.000 They should give you the real one.

00:03:37.000 The replica should be a new one for the new champion.

00:03:39.000 I agree.

00:03:40.000 That's how I feel. 0.99

00:03:42.000 So, if you're one of those guys, one of those Tony Hinchcliffe type characters, we got a way to take shit to the next level. 0.98

00:03:50.000 The next level with DraftKings.com. 0.98

00:03:53.000 You've already scouted players for your season-long team.

00:03:55.000 You turn that knowledge into instant cash, ladies and gentlemen.

00:03:58.000 Mostly ladies. 1.00

00:03:59.000 No.

00:04:00.000 No.

00:04:00.000 I'm like, mostly gentlemen.

00:04:03.000 Are there any women at all that are in fantasy football? 1.00

00:04:07.000 Draft queens.

00:04:08.000 Well, there's always those chicks, like Amy Schumer had a bit about it on her show, about girls who can hang, and it's so true. 1.00

00:04:19.000 There's always those girls that, you know, they adapt. 0.99

00:04:23.000 They become one of the guys.

00:04:25.000 Sarah Tiana.

00:04:26.000 Is she one of those? 0.92

00:04:26.000 Oh, she's huge into it. 0.92

00:04:28.000 Big time.

00:04:28.000 Into fantasy football?

00:04:29.000 Yeah.

00:04:30.000 She's in multiple leagues. 0.95

00:04:31.000 That's so ridiculous. 1.00

00:04:33.000 She's trolling for dick. 1.00

00:04:34.000 I know what she's up to. 1.00

00:04:35.000 I'm not hating.

00:04:36.000 Last year, one player turned 11 bucks into 4,000 in one weekend.

00:04:41.000 And I say that with all due respect.

00:04:42.000 I like Sarah.

00:04:43.000 She's awesome. 0.83

00:04:44.000 Um...

00:04:45.000 Yeah, one dude seriously turned $11 into $4,000 in one weekend, and another player won a million dollars in one day playing fantasy football. 0.98

00:04:56.000 I'll fucking say that again. 1.00

00:04:57.000 Some asshole won a... 1.00

00:04:59.000 I don't mean asshole. 1.00

00:05:00.000 I mean asshole like I would call myself an asshole. 1.00

00:05:03.000 Person. 1.00

00:05:04.000 Won a million bucks in a fucking day playing fantasy football. 1.00

00:05:08.000 That shit's ridiculous. 1.00

00:05:09.000 Play daily fantasy along with your season-long league at DraftKings. 1.00

00:05:15.000 DraftKings.com is where it's at, you dirty fucks. 0.99

00:05:18.000 They're crowning millionaires all season. 1.00

00:05:21.000 And you could be next.

00:05:22.000 Go to DraftKings.com, enter in the promo code ROGAN, get a free entry into the week one $5 million kickoff bash.

00:05:34.000 I'll say that again.

00:05:35.000 Go to DraftKings.com and enter promo code ROGAN and get a free entry into the week one $5 million kickoff bash. 0.99

00:05:44.000 DraftKings.com, bigger events, bigger winnings, and making fucking millionaires. 0.99

00:05:49.000 Jesus Christ, Tony. 0.99

00:05:51.000 Yeah, that's crazy. 0.99

00:05:52.000 Ridiculous. 0.83

00:05:53.000 Enter in the code word ROGAN for a free entry now at DraftKings.com.

00:05:58.000 Alright, and we're also brought to you last but not least by Onnit.com.

00:06:02.000 That is O-N-N-I-T. We are a human optimization website, and what we strive to do is find the best products online.

00:06:10.000 When it comes to that pertain to health and fitness and improving your physical strength, your mental well-being, we just find the coolest shit as far as the coolest technology that is available today for strengthening the mind and body. 0.94

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00:06:44.000 Don't get crazy and decide you're going to be The Rock because you've been going to The Rock's Instagram and seen his workouts and go, I'm going to fucking be like The Rock, bro! 0.95

00:06:53.000 I just started working out again a month ago and take my approach, people. 0.95

00:06:56.000 Just seven minute workouts a day.

00:06:58.000 That's the way to not get hurt.

00:07:00.000 You can do it.

00:07:01.000 I do it.

00:07:01.000 You can do it nice and slow.

00:07:02.000 You can get a workout in in seven minutes.

00:07:04.000 And I use my Hemp Force.

00:07:05.000 I use one scoop of chocolate Hemp Force, one banana, some frozen pineapple from the freezer, one scoop of peanut butter, pack in extra protein, a little bit of almond milk, goodbye. 0.99

00:07:18.000 I got Tony to eat some meat this past weekend, and I don't mean my dick. 0.99

00:07:23.000 I mean, I got him to eat, he ate a piece of beef. 1.00

00:07:27.000 Did you love it?

00:07:28.000 Was it the best tasting thing you did?

00:07:29.000 You know, I was eating...

00:07:30.000 What's not told in this story is that in front of me I had three jumbo grilled shrimp, a crab cake, and a salmon that had crab meat on it.

00:07:40.000 And, you know, it's all amazing.

00:07:42.000 Food is great.

00:07:43.000 I love all food.

00:07:44.000 Honestly, I love steak.

00:07:47.000 Always have.

00:07:48.000 It couldn't quite compare with what I ordered.

00:07:51.000 You know what I mean?

00:07:51.000 But that's what I like.

00:07:52.000 I eat what I like.

00:07:53.000 Okay.

00:07:54.000 I love steak.

00:07:56.000 The point is, Tony ate meat.

00:07:57.000 That's cool.

00:07:58.000 For the longest time, Tony's been a vegetarian.

00:08:00.000 Sort of.

00:08:01.000 You eat fish.

00:08:02.000 Yeah.

00:08:02.000 I remember I was there one day where you ate something you weren't supposed to, like a muffin or something.

00:08:07.000 Yeah.

00:08:08.000 But you ended up puking or something.

00:08:09.000 Anyway, this episode is brought to you by Onnit.com.

00:08:12.000 What an awesome story, Brian.

00:08:13.000 O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGEN and you'll save 10% off any and all supplements at Onnit.com.

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00:08:52.000 Boom-shlock-lock-boom. 0.97

00:08:54.000 That's it.

00:08:55.000 Tony Hinchcliffe is here. 1.00

00:08:56.000 Why fuck around? 0.99

00:08:59.000 Tony and I will be at the Ice House Comedy Club next weekend, September 12th and 13th. 1.00

00:09:05.000 That's right, freak bitches. 1.00

00:09:06.000 New material. 1.00

00:09:07.000 Rolling out.

00:09:09.000 Preparing the next hour.

00:09:11.000 Huh?

00:09:11.000 What?

00:09:12.000 Cue the music.

00:09:13.000 Joe Rogan Podcast.

00:09:15.000 Check it out.

00:09:15.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:09:18.000 Train by day.

00:09:19.000 Joe Rogan Podcast by night.

00:09:20.000 All day.

00:09:22.000 Good googly moogly, Tony Hinchcliffe.

00:09:25.000 A world tour we've been on, young man.

00:09:27.000 Yeah, we've been everywhere.

00:09:28.000 We've traveled the globe.

00:09:30.000 We've extended our reach.

00:09:32.000 We've done sets throughout the lands.

00:09:34.000 We've gone from the high of the Rocky Mountains all the way to a hockey rink in the middle of Canada.

00:09:41.000 We did so much the past couple months.

00:09:44.000 Yeah, we did a hockey rink. 1.00

00:09:45.000 You, me, and Brian Callen did a goddamn hockey rink. 0.99

00:09:47.000 Yeah, in Canada. 1.00

00:09:49.000 Like, what a stereotype.

00:09:50.000 Way up there, too, man.

00:09:51.000 It's two hours north of Edmonton.

00:09:52.000 Yeah.

00:09:53.000 Yeah, what was the name of that town again?

00:09:55.000 Lloyd Minster.

00:09:56.000 Yeah, Lloyd Minster.

00:09:57.000 Nice folks.

00:09:57.000 Great people.

00:09:58.000 Oh yeah, great people.

00:09:59.000 A lot of people talking about how they drove three hours from the north.

00:10:03.000 Five hours from the east.

00:10:05.000 That's what happens when you do those middle of nowhere shows.

00:10:09.000 You get access to a bunch of people that ordinarily, they just can't physically get to you in time.

00:10:14.000 It takes too much time.

00:10:15.000 I talked to this one dude who drove 18 hours once to a show.

00:10:18.000 Wow. 0.99

00:10:19.000 That's a goddamn responsibility when you're telling jokes to a guy who drove 18 hours. 0.99

00:10:23.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:10:24.000 That's...

00:10:25.000 I'm glad you told me after the show. 1.00

00:10:28.000 Tell me before the show, I'd be like, fuck, I can't even do new shit now. 0.99

00:10:32.000 I gotta give this guy some... 1.00

00:10:33.000 I gotta throw some heat. 0.99

00:10:36.000 18 fucking hours. 0.99

00:10:38.000 18's a long trip. 1.00

00:10:39.000 That's a hell of a trip.

00:10:40.000 But yeah, dude, we've been everywhere, man. 0.94

00:10:43.000 Those gigs up in Canada were fucking badass. 0.87

00:10:45.000 We went from one place, which is in the middle of nowhere, which was a hockey rink, to that theater in Vancouver that was just fucking incredible. 0.93

00:10:54.000 It was like the perfect contrast.

00:10:57.000 Yeah.

00:10:57.000 Like 3,000 or 4,000 seat crazy theater with big fancy chandeliers.

00:11:01.000 It was like Game of Thrones.

00:11:03.000 Yeah, and it was right to do it the right way, too.

00:11:05.000 We did the hockey rink first and then the nice theater second.

00:11:08.000 If we did it the other way, it would be depressing.

00:11:10.000 Yeah, totally.

00:11:12.000 It's like, oh, it's over.

00:11:13.000 Look at us. 1.00

00:11:14.000 We're in a fucking hockey rink now. 1.00

00:11:16.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:11:16.000 Joan Rivers just died. 1.00

00:11:18.000 Oh.

00:11:18.000 Yeah.

00:11:19.000 That's a rough one.

00:11:20.000 Yeah.

00:11:21.000 So, rest in peace, Joan Rivers.

00:11:23.000 That chick, you know, agree with her or not agree with her. 1.00

00:11:26.000 I mean, a lot of people were mad at her about her take on Gaza and the whole Israeli thing.

00:11:32.000 She's Jewish and she's old, you know?

00:11:34.000 She was. 0.99

00:11:36.000 But she was a real fucking comic. 1.00

00:11:38.000 A real comic. 1.00

00:11:40.000 To the very end.

00:11:41.000 No, I was supposed to do her show, man.

00:11:43.000 I was supposed to do her show where I lie in bed with her. 1.00

00:11:46.000 Like, in bed with Joan.

00:11:50.000 Yeah.

00:11:51.000 That would have been the first time I met her.

00:11:53.000 She has, like, a podcast that she does from a bed.

00:11:57.000 And, you know, people climb in bed with her and you tell your jokes. 0.93

00:12:00.000 You might still have a chance if you make it over there in the next couple of hours. 1.00

00:12:03.000 Fuck off! 1.00

00:12:05.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

00:12:08.000 I get excited on the too soon jokes. 1.00

00:12:11.000 I always love that.

00:12:12.000 I can't believe you did it.

00:12:13.000 It's my favorite thing.

00:12:14.000 You actually knew her daughter pretty well, though.

00:12:17.000 Nope.

00:12:17.000 You met her?

00:12:18.000 No.

00:12:19.000 No, never met her.

00:12:20.000 No.

00:12:21.000 No, never met her.

00:12:21.000 I might have said hi to her once at a place.

00:12:23.000 Maybe.

00:12:24.000 I never talked to her, though.

00:12:26.000 Um...

00:12:28.000 That's rough stuff, man.

00:12:30.000 But, you know, 81 years old.

00:12:32.000 What a career.

00:12:33.000 I mean, she was like Carson's favorite.

00:12:38.000 Yeah, she didn't have some falling out with Carson.

00:12:40.000 Yeah, because she took a gig going up against him from Fox.

00:12:44.000 He was on NBC. She took the 1130. He built her.

00:12:48.000 She was his guest host, and he was really offended when she went against him competing in ratings.

00:12:54.000 Yeah, I don't know, man.

00:12:56.000 I just feel like...

00:12:57.000 You know, I feel like that's unfortunate.

00:13:01.000 But the whole paradigm of television, like having to watch things at the same time, like having an 8 o'clock show, you know, Mork and Mindy's competing with, you know, blah, blah, blah, that's on at another time.

00:13:12.000 Whenever you have that, you're going to have these sort of competitive-type issues.

00:13:16.000 It's going to be...

00:13:17.000 It's going to be gross.

00:13:19.000 That's the beautiful thing about the internet, you know?

00:13:21.000 Like, when it comes to, like, podcasts and shows...

00:13:24.000 Nobody tries to compete with anybody.

00:13:27.000 Nobody tries to keep guests from going to other podcasts.

00:13:32.000 No one does any of that.

00:13:33.000 Well, when Joan was competing with Johnny, I'm pretty sure there was just three or four channels at the time when those two were competing.

00:13:43.000 So it's definitely a whole new age, you know what I mean?

00:13:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:13:47.000 There was nothing, man.

00:13:48.000 You didn't even have Fox back then.

00:13:51.000 You did ABC, CBS, and NBC, and that's it. 0.99

00:13:54.000 What a fucking monopoly, huh? 1.00

00:13:56.000 Oh, insane. 1.00

00:13:57.000 They had America's mind and ears.

00:13:59.000 Yeah.

00:14:00.000 And in America, if you wanted to find out or be entertained by something else, you had to go find a book or make your own movie.

00:14:08.000 Isn't that amazing?

00:14:09.000 Yeah.

00:14:10.000 When you really think about it, the numbers that they must have had during the Happy Days, like when Happy Days was a hit, they must have had like 30, 40, 50 million people watching, right?

00:14:23.000 It must be much more than they have today because the options today are so huge.

00:14:28.000 Yeah.

00:14:29.000 I don't think they can get one person to watch as much at one time as they could have.

00:14:34.000 It's amazing that you still have network television, really, if you really stop and think about it.

00:14:39.000 Because cable, they can kind of do so much more.

00:14:42.000 Even if they don't swear. 1.00

00:14:45.000 Think about the shit they got away with on Breaking Bad. 0.99

00:14:47.000 You could never do that on NBC, right? 1.00

00:14:50.000 They would never let you. 1.00

00:14:52.000 You could never have open drug selling and using and murder and all that crazy shit. 1.00

00:14:58.000 The way they do it? 1.00

00:14:59.000 Yeah.

00:15:01.000 Well, he tried.

00:15:01.000 I do believe he pitched it to somebody.

00:15:03.000 I can't remember whether it was network or not, but it definitely found its home where it landed.

00:15:09.000 AMC, right?

00:15:10.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:11.000 Yeah, and meanwhile, nobody had watched anything on that network before.

00:15:15.000 There was no one show that everybody tuned into on that network.

00:15:18.000 But some network did turn him down for that.

00:15:20.000 Imagine being those executives.

00:15:22.000 Like, oh, gosh.

00:15:24.000 I wonder if that's true.

00:15:26.000 I wonder if they did turn it down.

00:15:27.000 No, I know.

00:15:28.000 I know for a fact.

00:15:28.000 I can't remember which channel, but somebody turned down Breaking Bad originally.

00:15:33.000 Vince Gilligan pitched it.

00:15:34.000 I can't remember whether it was Network or Fox or FX or something, but somebody turned that down.

00:15:42.000 Breaking Bad. 0.98

00:15:43.000 What a dummy. 0.99

00:15:44.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:15:45.000 Whoops.

00:15:46.000 Big whoops.

00:15:48.000 I'm watching the show The Strain.

00:15:49.000 Have you seen that?

00:15:50.000 That's the Benicio Del Toro, not Benicio Del Toro, Guillermo Del Toro production.

00:15:57.000 It's a book that he wrote with this guy Chuck Hogan.

00:15:59.000 It's a vampire book. 0.99

00:16:00.000 But it's super fucking gory. 1.00

00:16:02.000 Like really fucking gory. 0.99

00:16:03.000 And when I'm watching it like that, like along with Walking Dead, which is obviously really gory too. 0.98

00:16:09.000 I could never have those on like NBC. They would have a shit fit. 0.98

00:16:13.000 Right. 1.00

00:16:13.000 But you still have NBC. You still have CBS. You still have ABC. There's people that still want to watch those sitcoms. 1.00

00:16:20.000 Like they still have a hold on a certain type of show.

00:16:23.000 Especially network sitcoms. 1.00

00:16:25.000 That's their shit. 1.00

00:16:27.000 Those camera sitcoms where they have an audience. 1.00

00:16:31.000 Well, those are the channels.

00:16:33.000 Now network's just the channel that people put on and leave on and fall asleep and walk around the house with that on.

00:16:40.000 It's not really like...

00:16:41.000 There's no real passion behind it.

00:16:43.000 You mean like NBC? Yeah.

00:16:46.000 I wonder what they could do.

00:16:49.000 Because it seems like there's just too many options.

00:16:54.000 Imagine if you had ABC before the internet, and you watched this thing come along, and then you watched all these cable companies come along. 0.94

00:17:00.000 If you owned ABC in 1980, and you're just chilling on a fucking yacht out there in the middle of the Pacific, Smoking cigars. 0.92

00:17:09.000 Saying, we got it made. 1.00

00:17:11.000 This fucking business is locked down. 1.00

00:17:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:17:15.000 And then all of a sudden this creepy thing called cable comes around.

00:17:18.000 This cable thing is never going to take off.

00:17:20.000 They can swear?

00:17:21.000 Why can they swear?

00:17:22.000 What's the thing called the FCC? Right.

00:17:25.000 Yeah, that's what people don't know.

00:17:26.000 They can do whatever they want on cable.

00:17:28.000 That's why Comedy Central has uncensored content late at night.

00:17:31.000 If you tune into Comedy Central late at night, you'll hear all sorts of terrible language. 1.00

00:17:36.000 They can do that shit. 1.00

00:17:37.000 And by terrible, you mean awesome! 1.00

00:17:40.000 I mean terrible if you're a fucking square. 1.00

00:17:43.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:17:43.000 There's a lot of those out there, though, aren't there? 0.99

00:17:45.000 That's the other thing with the networks and the sitcoms.

00:17:47.000 A laugh track.

00:17:49.000 Nothing drives me crazier than hearing, even if it's a live studio audience.

00:17:53.000 It's just, I don't want to hear people laugh.

00:17:55.000 Don't tell me when to laugh.

00:17:56.000 Have you ever seen the Big Bang without the laugh track?

00:17:59.000 No. 0.92

00:18:00.000 Yeah, there's videos online, the Big Bang without the laugh track, and it's fucking confusing. 0.55

00:18:08.000 You're like, okay, well this makes more sense at least.

00:18:11.000 When you listen to people not laughing, you go, okay, well that's much more likely.

00:18:16.000 But it also could be, in their defense, it could be like second and third takes. 0.96

00:18:22.000 Like, the second and third take, like, audiences don't fucking laugh. 0.83

00:18:25.000 I mean, they laugh a little, like, haha. 0.96

00:18:27.000 But sometimes you have to do a line, like, four or five times to get it right.

00:18:31.000 Or there might be a camera issue, or there might be a sound issue, and they have to repeat a scene.

00:18:36.000 So when you're doing a sitcom in front of a live audience, there's oftentimes many takes. 0.97

00:18:41.000 Like, we used to fucking beat the audiences up. 0.98

00:18:44.000 Ugh, it was awful, the poor people. 0.99

00:18:46.000 They would sit there in the crowd during the news radio days, And if something wasn't working, like, they had to do it a couple times.

00:18:54.000 Like, there was times when an episode didn't go well where it got, like, three, four takes in a row.

00:18:59.000 But when we would get, like, first take or second take, like, we'd always do a second take.

00:19:04.000 But we'd do first take and second take, and they're like, we got it.

00:19:06.000 We're like, oh.

00:19:07.000 We got it.

00:19:08.000 Because those third takes are brutal.

00:19:10.000 Because you knew you were wearing on people's patience.

00:19:13.000 The audience had to sit there and be like, oh my god.

00:19:16.000 Okay, we're going to do it again, folks.

00:19:17.000 And you hear the audience go, oh.

00:19:20.000 Oh no.

00:19:21.000 Yeah, but in this video, it's more just horrible writing and horrible jokes.

00:19:24.000 It's pretty bad.

00:19:26.000 Just bad.

00:19:26.000 You want to play it?

00:19:27.000 Sure.

00:19:27.000 Yeah, I think we'll get pulled off of YouTube, but I think that's the theme lately.

00:19:31.000 What's that show called again?

00:19:32.000 The Big Bang.

00:19:33.000 The Big Bang.

00:19:34.000 These people all just got a million bucks an episode.

00:19:36.000 Good for them.

00:19:37.000 Good for them.

00:19:38.000 I have no problem with that.

00:19:39.000 I think it's amazing. 1.00

00:19:41.000 But the show sucks. 0.99

00:19:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:19:43.000 It's a fucking terrible show. 1.00

00:19:45.000 They can't help but suck. 1.00

00:19:46.000 They're trying to suck. 1.00

00:19:47.000 They're trying to, and I don't mean suck for some people. 1.00

00:19:50.000 See, that's the thing about suck. 0.98

00:19:52.000 What sucks for you is what other people are looking for. 0.99

00:19:54.000 And that's hard for people to recognize. 0.87

00:19:57.000 Like, everyone wants everyone else to have their own sensibilities. 1.00

00:20:00.000 When I say that something sucks, someone else might come along and say, that's my favorite shit! 0.99

00:20:05.000 Like, when I was bear hunting up in Alaska, or up in Canada, I had to hang out with all these people that love country music. 0.99

00:20:11.000 And they watched the country music channel, the rivets, the best folks ever, the nicest people ever. 1.00

00:20:17.000 And they play this fucking country music shit all day. 1.00

00:20:22.000 And some of it is just mind-numbing. 1.00

00:20:26.000 It's just so dumb. 1.00

00:20:29.000 And it's... 1.00

00:20:30.000 It's not just dumb. 1.00

00:20:32.000 It's like they're appealing to the dumbest part of your brain. 1.00

00:20:36.000 The part of your brain that wants everything to be a Norman Rockwell painting. 0.99

00:20:40.000 The part of your brain that doesn't want subtlety or nuanced thinking. 0.99

00:20:45.000 Or to introduce at all the concept that you're actually on a fucking planet flying through the universe. 0.98

00:20:50.000 All those concepts are like, there's none of that. 0.90

00:20:53.000 You know?

00:20:55.000 Yeah.

00:20:55.000 Well, when we were young and we were wild, and we got married and had a child, now Jesus is with us all the time.

00:21:09.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:21:10.000 I just got a text. 1.00

00:21:11.000 They want to make you the newest country star.

00:21:13.000 I can do it!

00:21:14.000 I can do it. 0.97

00:21:15.000 Hey, by the way, how good was fucking Dom Herrera's music yesterday? 0.97

00:21:18.000 Oh, that was amazing. 0.99

00:21:19.000 Dom Herrera has good fucking music. 0.99

00:21:21.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:21:21.000 Dom's doing music now? 0.99

00:21:23.000 Dom Herrera wrote a good fucking song, and I'm not bullshitting. 1.00

00:21:27.000 I'm gonna get him to email me that shit. 1.00

00:21:28.000 Here's that video, by the way. 0.99

00:21:29.000 I'm gonna get him to email it to me while, uh, because I don't think he has it online.

00:21:35.000 Oh, this is the Big Bang.

00:21:38.000 Nothing makes beer taste better than cool, clear Rocky Mountains spring water.

00:21:44.000 Where are the Rocky Mountains, anyway?

00:21:47.000 Philadelphia.

00:21:50.000 Really, I thought they were out west someplace.

00:21:52.000 Think about it, Raj.

00:21:53.000 Where did the movie Rocky take place?

00:21:57.000 Philadelphia.

00:21:59.000 Okay, now I get it.

00:22:02.000 So, this is the plan.

00:22:03.000 From now on, we're just gonna hide out in here to avoid the shamey.

00:22:08.000 I'm very comfortable here. 0.96

00:22:10.000 Penny dear, why don't you shoot another silver bullet my way? 1.00

00:22:14.000 Get one yourself. 1.00

00:22:16.000 Ooh, somebody's been taking bitchy pills. 1.00

00:22:19.000 This is bad for America. 0.97

00:22:22.000 Stop this right here.

00:22:23.000 This is bad for America.

00:22:25.000 That's not just bad.

00:22:26.000 That's bad for the world.

00:22:27.000 That's bad for the country.

00:22:28.000 That's bad for everybody.

00:22:30.000 And that's all writing and somebody just thinking that's funny.

00:22:34.000 Right.

00:22:34.000 That got through every script supervisor and meeting and pitch.

00:22:40.000 Highlighters.

00:22:40.000 That's the best of the best.

00:22:42.000 That's all the best ideas that they could come up with.

00:22:44.000 Nothing.

00:22:46.000 I think if NBC and all these guys want to really survive, they're going to have to have an NBC cable or an app where NBC can make programming that's more adult like they do on cable.

00:22:56.000 Or that NBC is just going to become an app when that does happen, and cable and network is not going to mean the same thing.

00:23:02.000 See, I think you're saying that, but I think the people that listen to some of that dopey-ass country music, those people don't have an issue with it.

00:23:11.000 There's certain people that will tell you, Big Bang is my favorite show.

00:23:15.000 That's a good show.

00:23:16.000 But the majority isn't like that.

00:23:18.000 I don't believe you're right.

00:23:20.000 That's why Breaking Back or HBO or Showtime is getting better ratings than anyone.

00:23:24.000 They're not.

00:23:25.000 You're wrong.

00:23:26.000 You're wrong.

00:23:27.000 Yeah, you're wrong.

00:23:27.000 The numbers that watch Breaking Bad are not nearly the numbers that watch the Big Bang.

00:23:32.000 It's not even close.

00:23:33.000 Really?

00:23:34.000 Yeah.

00:23:34.000 It's not even in the ballpark.

00:23:36.000 It's true. 0.99

00:23:36.000 You can't just say shit like that, dude. 0.99

00:23:38.000 You gotta know what you're talking about. 0.99

00:23:39.000 That's not true.

00:23:41.000 It is getting...

00:23:41.000 They're getting great...

00:23:42.000 They do well because they're awesome.

00:23:44.000 They're awesome and people find them, but they're on cable.

00:23:47.000 It's way more difficult to get someone to watch a show, say, on AMC or a show on any one of those, the History Channel.

00:23:56.000 It's very difficult.

00:23:57.000 That's why when the Duck Dynasty show got insane ratings, they got some crazy number, like 9 million or 7 million people to watch.

00:24:07.000 It was the highest rated cable show ever.

00:24:09.000 That's not even close to what those Big Bang kids get. 0.88

00:24:14.000 That's like an 18 million people a week show.

00:24:16.000 They win every week.

00:24:17.000 Sometimes the second number two of the week is a rerun of that first show that they're number one on.

00:24:24.000 Sometimes a Big Bang rerun can beat everything.

00:24:27.000 Yeah.

00:24:37.000 Yeah.

00:24:41.000 Yeah.

00:24:51.000 Breaking Bad breaks more ratings records.

00:24:53.000 Yeah, but I guarantee that's an old article, because Breaking Bad's cancelled.

00:24:57.000 And the Duck Dynasty thing is post that, and the Duck Dynasty thing got the highest ratings ever.

00:25:02.000 This is 2013, but yeah.

00:25:04.000 Right, but what's the numbers?

00:25:05.000 Well, what's the numbers?

00:25:06.000 It pulled 6.6 million viewers.

00:25:10.000 That's a fail.

00:25:11.000 If that was happening with the Big Bang, they would be terrified.

00:25:19.000 Yeah, it's crazy what they probably- Brian, trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

00:25:22.000 I'm not just making this up.

00:25:24.000 I'm just saying that the cable channels are getting great ratings, but higher.

00:25:28.000 Occasionally, for shows like Breaking Bad, they do much better than they used to do.

00:25:33.000 But they're still, they pale in comparison to the major network shows. 0.95

00:25:37.000 For whatever reason, those really dumb shows still get the best ratings.

00:25:41.000 Like, yeah, like, Game of Thrones is a different example because it's a subscription channel, and it's got far less people tune into it. 0.99

00:25:49.000 Like, it used to be if you got an HBO special, that was the shit. 0.81

00:25:52.000 Oh my god, you know, we saw the Sam Kinison HBO special, the Chris Rock HBO special. 0.97

00:25:58.000 But now a Comedy Central special is way better than an HBO special, because a Comedy Central special is going to be seen by way more people, millions more people, and then on top of that, they're going to replay the shit out of it, because that's all they play, is comedy.

00:26:12.000 And people go there for comedy.

00:26:14.000 But, like, the numbers, like, if you look at the numbers, like, you would think that...

00:26:17.000 Like, The Sopranos.

00:26:19.000 Like, well, it must have been an unbelievably high-rated show.

00:26:22.000 It was for HBO, but not compared to, like, The Big Bang, or compared to Friends, when Friends was on top.

00:26:28.000 Seinfeld, must-see TV, all that stuff.

00:26:29.000 It's just amazing that those things are still viable.

00:26:34.000 And I wonder if that's always going to be the case.

00:26:36.000 If there's always going to be people who like bland, like, really easy-to-swallow humor, like, sitcom-y humor...

00:26:45.000 I think that generation's going to die out. 1.00

00:26:47.000 I really do.

00:26:49.000 It's just like a fading thing.

00:26:51.000 And even that thing about the network app, I think the people that really, really, really are into that type of stuff, it's going to be ten more years before they even know what an app is.

00:27:02.000 Apple TV, I think, and those kind of network TVs, I think, are going to really change everything like the iPhone.

00:27:08.000 If they make it so that they can't get directly to one of those three channels, If they show them other ways, then yeah, but these people that watch network TV will probably just always watch network TV. They're used to a laugh track.

00:27:24.000 They need that.

00:27:25.000 Yeah, I think so too.

00:27:26.000 I remember a part of Man on the Moon where it's Andy Kaufman, played by Jim Carrey, talking to his manager George Shapiro, played by Danny DeVito.

00:27:34.000 And Danny DeVito is his manager, and he goes, I got you the best gig, Andy.

00:27:38.000 You're gonna love it.

00:27:39.000 And this is in the 70s or whatever, and Andy's like, great, what is it?

00:27:41.000 He goes, sitcom, taxi, it's gonna be huge.

00:27:44.000 You're gonna love it.

00:27:45.000 And he goes, a sitcom with a laugh track, all those dead people laughing?

00:27:50.000 You know, those are dead people.

00:27:51.000 That's the worst stuff.

00:27:52.000 That stuff's not funny.

00:27:53.000 And it's amazing to me, you know...

00:27:56.000 That he was saying that at the end of the 70s.

00:28:00.000 It's 2014 and people are still watching stuff like that.

00:28:04.000 Well, that's funny that you say that because I was watching this Hunter S. Thompson documentary the other night.

00:28:09.000 I just put it on while I was cleaning my office.

00:28:13.000 It's from the BBC. The BBC did a piece on them.

00:28:20.000 I'll tell you what it is right here.

00:28:22.000 Actually, I don't have it on this.

00:28:27.000 Anyway, it was very apocalyptic, like his take on society and America and where America's headed.

00:28:35.000 And this is in the early 70s they did this thing.

00:28:38.000 Maybe the late 70s at the very latest.

00:28:40.000 It was in the 80s, though.

00:28:42.000 You're watching this guy who's now committed suicide, he's dead, this brilliant writer, who's seeing the shift from the 60s to the 70s, and he's saying that America's just going downhill. 0.86

00:28:55.000 We've become this fascist, ridiculous state, and our cultures are eroding, and that... 0.99

00:29:02.000 You know within you know 10 20 years it's gonna be over for us and now here we are 2014 you know 30 plus years later and Everybody's still kind of saying the same shit. 0.99

00:29:13.000 You know everybody's still kind of saying you know, hey, it's all it's all falling apart Hey, our culture is disastrous. 0.72

00:29:19.000 It's it's doom and gloom always I think that what's going on is that there's always going to be a certain amount What is this?

00:29:28.000 Fear and Loathing and...

00:29:29.000 On the Road to Hollywood?

00:29:30.000 Is that the BBC documentary?

00:29:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:29:31.000 Okay.

00:29:32.000 I think there's always going to be a certain amount of people that think that the world is ending, the sky is falling, and there's going to be a certain amount of bullshit that goes on always. 0.72

00:29:43.000 There's always going to be people trying to correct for all the evils of the world, whether it's war or crime or this or that.

00:29:50.000 There's always going to be that, and then there's always going to be an adjustment period where you have...

00:29:56.000 A bunch of police brutality cases and then someone figures out a way to stop the police from behaving that way and then, you know, things get better.

00:30:04.000 It's gonna be like horrible war and then people protest the horrible war and then it gets better.

00:30:10.000 It seems like these ideas that it's all going to fall apart and society's going to collapse. 0.87

00:30:16.000 I think all that shit happened, the society collapsing, back when people didn't understand that society could collapse. 0.77

00:30:21.000 Now we have so much detailed history on what it takes for a society to become like Rome when Rome fell, what it takes for a society to become one of these archetypal societies that people talk about when the ancient Greeks or the Romans or any of these When we talk about a society that was on top of everything, 0.99

00:30:42.000 had all of these scholars and all these intelligent people, and then collapsed.

00:30:47.000 Yeah.

00:30:48.000 It's going to be interesting to see what the next big one like that is, because it's going to have technology and robots and a whole bunch of crazy stuff.

00:30:56.000 Like, way down the road, but there's going to be some crazy stuff.

00:31:00.000 It's not even far away. 0.97

00:31:01.000 I think the technology, robots, all that shit, where things are going to be so much weirder than they are today, it's going to happen so fast. 0.93

00:31:08.000 If you listen to Ray Kurzweil and these futurist guys, their take on it is always so enlightening because everybody wants to think of it as... 0.98

00:31:17.000 Like, you know, when we were kids, we had VCRs, and now we have Netflix.

00:31:22.000 What a jump, what a leap.

00:31:24.000 But the leap really has been within the past few years.

00:31:28.000 The past few years have been bigger leaps than they were from the VCR to the internet.

00:31:32.000 Like, the leaps are getting crazier. 0.98

00:31:34.000 There's a fucking app that they came out with for Google Face or Google Glasses that recognizes your moods. 0.99

00:31:42.000 Whoa. 1.00

00:31:43.000 Yeah, what? 1.00

00:31:44.000 It recognizes your fucking mood. 0.99

00:31:46.000 Like, if I come up to you with this goo-goo-glass... 1.00

00:31:48.000 I can't even say...

00:31:49.000 goo-goo-glass. 0.84

00:31:51.000 I'm just gonna call it goo-goo-glass.

00:31:53.000 If I come up to you with this app installed and wearing Google Glasses, it tells me if you're happy.

00:31:58.000 It tells me if you're angry.

00:32:00.000 It analyzes your face.

00:32:02.000 Interesting. 1.00

00:32:03.000 That's some fuck creepy as shit, man. 1.00

00:32:05.000 Pull that up. 1.00

00:32:06.000 Pull that up.

00:32:06.000 A lot of cameras have something like that already built in with the smile detection, like where you point a camera and it will take a picture when it detects that you're smiling.

00:32:15.000 Oh, okay, but that's not reading like mood.

00:32:18.000 It's just detecting a certain movement of your face. 1.00

00:32:21.000 This fucking stupid thing is actually trying to, like, look at someone's face and decide. 1.00

00:32:26.000 You know that gross thing that really cheesy dudes do to chicks? 1.00

00:32:30.000 They go, hey, doesn't hurt to smile.

00:32:32.000 You know, it actually, uh, more muscles are involved in frowning than they are in smile.

00:32:37.000 It takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.

00:32:40.000 Hey, you know, why not smile? 0.91

00:32:42.000 You know, that thing, that gross thing that dudes do to chicks. 1.00

00:32:45.000 Have you ever seen a guy do that?

00:32:46.000 Sort of, yeah. 0.99

00:32:46.000 Makes you fucking embarrassed to be a man. 0.99

00:32:48.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:32:49.000 That's going to be way more commonplace.

00:32:51.000 People are going to be doing that all the time now.

00:32:52.000 Hey, my Google Glasses recognizes you're not in the best mood right now.

00:32:56.000 Hey, my Google Glasses says you're depressed.

00:32:59.000 Do you need a hug?

00:33:00.000 Because I'm here.

00:33:01.000 You know, just take a chance.

00:33:02.000 I'm a good guy.

00:33:04.000 Are you wearing Google Glasses or are you just happy to see me?

00:33:11.000 That's totally wrong.

00:33:13.000 You got it the wrong way.

00:33:16.000 So what is this?

00:33:17.000 This is the video, the Google Glass.

00:33:19.000 Shure on Google Glass.

00:33:20.000 Detect the information behind.

00:33:25.000 See this for the first time.

00:33:27.000 Facial analysis on Google Glass.

00:33:31.000 Look at this, zooming up on it.

00:33:32.000 It is based on Fraunhofer's proprietary Shure software library.

00:33:36.000 Let's have a look at how it works.

00:33:40.000 Shore processes high-resolution video in real-time on the glass CPU. Does it only work on nerdy chicks? 0.99

00:33:48.000 Shore can detect basic emotions or do variance detection. 0.52

00:33:52.000 Oh my god.

00:33:54.000 In addition to that, it does age estimation and gender recognition.

00:33:58.000 Age estimation and gender recognition.

00:34:01.000 What if you're a really good-looking older transsexual man?

00:34:06.000 You think it'll get you?

00:34:11.000 At the time of this beta, this has only worked on white people.

00:34:15.000 That is a beautiful old man.

00:34:17.000 As you can see, Shure is not limited to a single face.

00:34:21.000 Ugh, angry hipster.

00:34:22.000 Shure respects other people's privacy.

00:34:25.000 There is no recognition of faces, and none of the images leaves the device. 1.00

00:34:30.000 Fuck you, it doesn't. 0.99

00:34:31.000 But that's not all. 0.99

00:34:32.000 Our Shure technology can do even more helpful things not shown in this demonstration.

00:34:40.000 Valance recognition for very subtle reactions.

00:34:44.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:34:45.000 Head pose estimation.

00:34:47.000 Eye blink detection.

00:34:48.000 This was just a demo of the Shore Library.

00:34:52.000 The software is not available in an app store.

00:34:54.000 This looks like a pirate and his hostage.

00:34:57.000 It's not available in an app store.

00:34:59.000 What does that mean?

00:35:01.000 It's now, maybe, now available?

00:35:03.000 Not ready yet.

00:35:03.000 Not ready?

00:35:04.000 Oh, it might be bullshit. 1.00

00:35:06.000 That might have been just like a, like, we might have got fucking pranked. 1.00

00:35:11.000 You know? 0.85

00:35:12.000 It says it's not available in an app store?

00:35:14.000 Because it seems so fake. 0.96

00:35:17.000 If I saw that years ago, I would say that's total bullshit because that technology was so alien, the idea of it. 0.83

00:35:23.000 But now, after the Google Glass thing... 0.85

00:35:26.000 You might not be able to tell by the smile on my face, but I'd be really disappointed if that's not real.

00:35:32.000 That's the thing.

00:35:33.000 It's just seeing if your mouth moves side to side and if it's frowning.

00:35:38.000 But some people cry happy tears and some people smile when they're furious. 0.99

00:35:44.000 About to kill you. 0.99

00:35:45.000 Yeah, exactly. 1.00

00:35:47.000 Oh, he's super happy.

00:35:49.000 Keep joking with this guy.

00:35:50.000 You look in at Ted Bundy's car.

00:35:52.000 Seems like a nice guy.

00:35:55.000 The happy bar gets full.

00:35:57.000 Yeah, happy.

00:35:58.000 Good cheekbones.

00:36:00.000 Guy's smiling. 0.91

00:36:00.000 He's got a clown mask. 0.91

00:36:02.000 How come his door doesn't have an inside handle?

00:36:04.000 Yeah.

00:36:04.000 Oh, he's got a knife in his trunk.

00:36:05.000 I'm sure that's for cutting birthday cake.

00:36:07.000 He's a happy guy.

00:36:08.000 What's with all the duct tape?

00:36:11.000 I hope.

00:36:12.000 How weird.

00:36:13.000 But one day they're going to get really good at it to the point where they will be able to detect.

00:36:17.000 It's going to really be able to show.

00:36:18.000 You're going to be able to detect not just that.

00:36:21.000 You're going to be able to detect people's thoughts.

00:36:22.000 It's going to start out with moods, but eventually you're going to be able to see graphic representations of what a person's thinking.

00:36:29.000 You'll be able to tune.

00:36:30.000 They'll be able to figure out.

00:36:31.000 I think the way they're going to have to do it is...

00:36:34.000 I've been thinking about this a lot.

00:36:36.000 You know how there was no cameras, and then they became cameras?

00:36:40.000 Like, when we were young, there was no way that you could ever imagine that someone was going to carry around a camera all the time.

00:36:47.000 Like, you wouldn't think of that.

00:36:49.000 You saw a camera, it was around someone's waist, or someone's neck, rather.

00:36:53.000 And they would have to hold it up and take that picture.

00:36:55.000 It wasn't just simply, like, this little phone thing that we're going on now.

00:36:59.000 That's a big leap.

00:37:00.000 The big leap of having cameras in your pocket at all times.

00:37:06.000 And if you went back before the invention of the camera, if you went way, way back to like, you know, back in the days when there was just paintings and drawings and things along those lines, they could have never imagined that you'd be able to make video from a little tiny slender device that you stick in your pocket.

00:37:24.000 They would have thought you were the devil if you showed them that.

00:37:27.000 And now this phone that you can take video with and go online with and take photographs, now it's become a part of you.

00:37:34.000 It's become a part of who you are.

00:37:36.000 It's like it's a symbiotic thing.

00:37:38.000 You keep it with you.

00:37:39.000 You never leave the house without it.

00:37:41.000 When you do, you freak out.

00:37:43.000 I think they're going to come up with something that stores your memory better than you do.

00:37:47.000 Are they going to say, we have, and it'll probably be like an addition, like an upgrade to the human memory banks.

00:37:57.000 Like a memory card?

00:37:57.000 Yeah, like a memory card, but that shows you crystal clear video of what you saw.

00:38:05.000 So, like, you know how if you had to pull, like, yesterday out of your memory banks? 1.00

00:38:10.000 You'd be like, oh, fuck. 1.00

00:38:11.000 What did I do? 1.00

00:38:12.000 What did I do?

00:38:13.000 Okay, I got up.

00:38:14.000 This is what I had for breakfast. 0.97

00:38:15.000 But it's all blurry as fuck, right? 0.98

00:38:17.000 Right. 0.90

00:38:17.000 They're going to be able to get it so that it's exact. 0.90

00:38:20.000 Well, you'll be able to rewind and play it back.

00:38:23.000 Google Glasses.

00:38:24.000 What did I do yesterday at 1245?

00:38:26.000 Right.

00:38:27.000 Ding.

00:38:28.000 And then you're going to be able to share that with other people.

00:38:31.000 Yeah.

00:38:31.000 You're going to be able to share your day.

00:38:33.000 What I'm wondering is if it'll ever get to the point where we're paying for our privacy.

00:38:37.000 Once everything's all wired in, once your Google Glasses are in a cloud with what you looked up on the internet that day, and you're walking by somebody with Google Glasses, and you know what I mean, they walk by and it's like, We're good to go.

00:39:22.000 Because, I mean, it's all happening.

00:39:24.000 It's so weird.

00:39:25.000 And privacy and phone calls, things backed up can know everything.

00:39:29.000 You can find out everything about somebody.

00:39:32.000 Their daily habits, everything.

00:39:33.000 Have you seen this thing about the cell phone towers that they don't believe are really cell phone towers?

00:39:38.000 No.

00:39:38.000 There's cell phone towers that they've located that don't seem to be transmitting cell phone data, and they've gone to them with these devices that try to read, and what they think is going on is these cell phone towers are actually tapping into phone calls and recording your information.

00:39:54.000 Like, say if the police want to find out where Tony Hinchcliffe is right now.

00:39:59.000 And, you know, you could use the GPS on the phone and, you know, find out that he's on the 405 and he's headed to San Diego and, you know, and then they go, okay, we're going to tap into his phone.

00:40:11.000 So they can tune in through that tower and listen to your phone calls. 1.00

00:40:15.000 You're like, I got the fucking heroin. 1.00

00:40:17.000 The dude's all duct taped in the trunk. 1.00

00:40:19.000 I've got 15 different handguns that are all illegal.

00:40:22.000 Everyone's laughing on the other end.

00:40:23.000 Well, the cops are listening to the entire conversation.

00:40:26.000 They can do that.

00:40:27.000 There was a tower that just went up in my backyard the other day.

00:40:31.000 Out of nowhere, there was no construction.

00:40:33.000 Out of nowhere, just...

00:40:34.000 CIA! Black helicopters!

00:40:37.000 They've been doing this, Brian, for a long time!

00:40:39.000 That was fun getting to meet him.

00:40:41.000 And it has two antennas on the top that look like Wi-Fi antennas.

00:40:45.000 You can't see them in this picture, but then there's a solar panel.

00:40:47.000 And we have overhead lines, power lines in our neighborhood, so they're above ground, and there's no power going to it.

00:40:55.000 So that means whatever this is is just running on solar, and it has antennas and a weird box on the side of it.

00:41:02.000 It's probably nothing.

00:41:03.000 I mean, you're freaking out about it.

00:41:06.000 Why don't you just find out what it is?

00:41:08.000 I bet it has a number on it you can call or something.

00:41:10.000 No, it doesn't.

00:41:13.000 For rating problems, go here.

00:41:15.000 Did you try to research what it is?

00:41:17.000 No, I mean...

00:41:17.000 Why don't you take a photo of it and put it up on Twitter?

00:41:19.000 Take that picture and what they say.

00:41:20.000 What do people say?

00:41:21.000 People are pointing towards that article.

00:41:25.000 That's the only thing that people have been saying. 0.98

00:41:27.000 Yeah, but see, people do that if you don't really know what the fuck it is. 0.97

00:41:31.000 It might be that, though. 0.97

00:41:32.000 Yeah, who knows?

00:41:33.000 I'm not even saying it's that.

00:41:34.000 I'm just saying it was really odd because one day it was there, one day it wasn't, and it was just in my neighbor's backyard.

00:41:40.000 I wonder if they can do that.

00:41:41.000 Can you take a cell phone tower and attach it to an electrical pole?

00:41:45.000 Or does it have to have its own stand-alone sort of thing?

00:41:49.000 I don't know.

00:41:49.000 I don't know anything about it, but I would think that the electricity would maybe fuck with it.

00:41:55.000 All that power going through those lines.

00:42:00.000 If they don't let us turn on, if they make us turn off our cell phones when the plane's about to take off, I don't think they could put a cell phone tower on an electrical. 0.97

00:42:07.000 Yeah, but that's a stupid thing, that whole turn off your electronic devices. 0.94

00:42:11.000 That's all been disproven now, so that's why everybody's allowed to use iPods and shit and iPads right up until the time you land. 0.99

00:42:19.000 But you're still not allowed to use Bluetooth.

00:42:22.000 Like, if you have those Bluetooth headsets, like there was a dude in front of me on the airplane the other day, he had the Bluetooth headset, and they told him he couldn't have it on.

00:42:30.000 He couldn't have it on while the plane, because it could interfere with communications.

00:42:33.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:42:34.000 But that's probably bullshit, too. 0.98

00:42:35.000 It's not bullshit. 0.99

00:42:36.000 They probably just don't know any better, and they just say it, because they just want to tell you to shut something off, and they can't do that anymore. 0.60

00:42:42.000 I think it's also for planning things.

00:42:44.000 So you can't have like a Bluetooth headpiece and you're sitting in the front row and I'm in the back row and we're all kind of communicating like, hey, you know, like terrorist stuff also.

00:42:52.000 Do they work like that?

00:42:54.000 I don't know.

00:42:55.000 Wouldn't you, if you had to communicate with somebody else on the plane?

00:42:58.000 Yeah, but a Bluetooth headset, as far as I'm aware, all it does is communicate with an actual device, like a phone.

00:43:05.000 You'd have to be talking on the phone to someone in the back of the plane.

00:43:09.000 I don't think you can communicate through Bluetooth, can you?

00:43:12.000 Yeah, I mean, you can connect Bluetooth to Bluetooth and stuff like that.

00:43:16.000 But can you connect Bluetooth to Bluetooth and talk?

00:43:18.000 Like, if you had...

00:43:20.000 I don't think so, man.

00:43:21.000 I think you need some sort of a transmission device.

00:43:24.000 I think, like, if you had a Bluetooth headset on and I had a Bluetooth headset on, we couldn't just connect our headsets and communicate with each other.

00:43:30.000 We would have to do it through a device, right?

00:43:33.000 I don't know how that Bluetooth stuff works.

00:43:35.000 I've never had one.

00:43:38.000 I don't know either.

00:43:39.000 Well, even if you couldn't, you probably will be able to, right?

00:43:42.000 Yeah.

00:43:42.000 Within a year or so.

00:43:44.000 They'll figure it out. 0.88

00:43:45.000 It's all happening so goddamn fast. 0.93

00:43:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:43:47.000 It looks like there's Bluetooth headset walkie-talkies on Amazon.

00:43:51.000 Oh, it's a walkie-talkie.

00:43:52.000 And it's just a little earpiece that's in your ear.

00:43:54.000 That's it?

00:43:54.000 That's the whole device?

00:43:56.000 Yeah.

00:43:56.000 Whoa.

00:43:57.000 Damn. 1.00

00:43:59.000 Whoa, that's scary. 1.00

00:44:00.000 Check this out. 1.00

00:44:02.000 Oh, shit. 0.79

00:44:02.000 I've got to get your video up. 0.79

00:44:04.000 Look at how small this is.

00:44:06.000 Wireless invisible earpiece.

00:44:09.000 Bluetooth earpiece.

00:44:10.000 Wow, that looks like an actual tooth.

00:44:12.000 Well, that's when someone can talk to you through a walkie-talkie, though.

00:44:16.000 I used those when I was on Fear Factor.

00:44:18.000 They've had those forever.

00:44:19.000 They used to use radios, and now they use Bluetooth.

00:44:22.000 But all that is, is allowing you to talk.

00:44:25.000 You have to have a walkie-talkie on you.

00:44:27.000 On you.

00:44:27.000 And it connects to the walkie-talkie.

00:44:29.000 Mine used to connect with a radio frequency.

00:44:31.000 I'd wear like a backpack, like a battery pack, rather, this little communication pack.

00:44:37.000 And it would work that way.

00:44:38.000 But someone else on the other end had to have a communication device.

00:44:41.000 They had a walkie-talkie, and they were talking through that, and it would go directly to me.

00:44:45.000 And I couldn't talk to them, except for the fact that I was hardwired with a microphone that also had a radio frequency that went to a box.

00:44:52.000 In the box, there was a sound guy that was there, and it would go through them and through their...

00:45:00.000 Yeah.

00:45:23.000 Here's one that looks like you can do it.

00:45:25.000 It looks like a walkie-talkie thing.

00:45:28.000 And it says that it has two-way walkie-talkie.

00:45:31.000 Whoa.

00:45:32.000 Up to 84,000 feet.

00:45:34.000 Whoa.

00:45:35.000 So they're basically saying that's what it does.

00:45:37.000 Yeah.

00:45:37.000 Who makes that one?

00:45:38.000 Bluetooth?

00:45:39.000 Callpod.com.

00:45:41.000 Onyx, it looks like.

00:45:42.000 Callpod.

00:45:44.000 Onyx is the name of it?

00:45:45.000 And I'm not even saying it's that.

00:45:46.000 I'm just saying that...

00:45:46.000 But that is a walkie-talkie.

00:45:48.000 Yeah, that might be something that...

00:45:49.000 So it already does exist.

00:45:51.000 Wow.

00:45:52.000 That's crazy.

00:45:53.000 It's insane because Bluetooth already makes people look crazy.

00:45:56.000 Hold on a second.

00:45:56.000 What?

00:45:58.000 Yeah, but they have radios.

00:45:59.000 Yeah.

00:46:00.000 Yeah, these are walkie-talkies.

00:46:01.000 What we're saying is that this little thing that that person had in their ear, that that itself is a walkie-talkie. 1.00

00:46:07.000 That's fucking nuts. 0.99

00:46:09.000 That's that little. 1.00

00:46:10.000 Yeah.

00:46:10.000 I wonder how far that transmits, though, because Bluetooth to Bluetooth, you can't really communicate very far.

00:46:15.000 This is 84,000 feet.

00:46:16.000 That's in the air, they're saying.

00:46:18.000 Does that mean distance?

00:46:19.000 No, they don't mean in the air, because planes don't get that high.

00:46:22.000 That's space.

00:46:24.000 That's like three times what a plane goes.

00:46:27.000 That's a square foot.

00:46:28.000 Square feet, 84,000 feet.

00:46:29.000 Oh, so, okay.

00:46:30.000 So, it transmits 84,000 feet.

00:46:33.000 Hmm.

00:46:34.000 30,000 feet is a flight.

00:46:36.000 So, 84,000 feet is like more than a mile.

00:46:39.000 How many thousand feet is a mile?

00:46:41.000 5,000?

00:46:41.000 5,000 feet is a mile, right?

00:46:43.000 Damn, that's pretty insane. 0.99

00:46:45.000 So you could be, like, essentially down at Jerry's Deli having a meal, and I can talk to you in real time through these goofy ass... 1.00

00:46:54.000 We should buy these and test this. 0.98

00:46:57.000 That's so crazy.

00:46:58.000 What is the company name again?

00:47:00.000 CallPod?

00:47:02.000 That's where I think...

00:47:03.000 That's where it's sold.

00:47:04.000 It's Onyx.

00:47:05.000 O-N-Y-X. O-N-Y-X. Hmm. 1.00

00:47:14.000 So it's like walkie-talkies, except you keep one in your ear.

00:47:17.000 But how does it pick up what you're saying?

00:47:19.000 You just can roam up to 164 feet away.

00:47:24.000 That's not that far.

00:47:25.000 What happened?

00:47:26.000 I thought we had miles.

00:47:27.000 From your smartphone.

00:47:28.000 So it has to have a smartphone?

00:47:29.000 No, no, that's just for smartphones, if you want to use it as a headset for your smartphone.

00:47:35.000 Yeah, this is what it says.

00:47:36.000 With our proprietary two-way walkie-talkie functionality, you can also connect the Onyx to any other CallPod Bluetooth headset and communicate up to 84,000 square feet while you're still connected to your mobile phone.

00:47:50.000 Oh, you have to be connected to your mobile phone.

00:47:56.000 That's why you can't use Bluetooth.

00:47:58.000 Yeah, I'm not sure what this is saying, though.

00:48:01.000 You can connect to any other CallPod Bluetooth headset and communicate up to 84,000 square feet while you are still connected to your mobile phone.

00:48:10.000 It's just saying that you could still use it and do the walkie-talkie at the same time.

00:48:15.000 Like, if you're still connected to your phone, you could still use it as the walkie-talkie.

00:48:18.000 Right, like you don't have to disconnect.

00:48:20.000 Right.

00:48:20.000 Yeah, we gotta find out if this really works.

00:48:23.000 Alright, we're gonna have to buy these bitches. 1.00

00:48:25.000 We'll buy them and we'll broadcast. 0.99

00:48:28.000 Can we do that?

00:48:30.000 I wonder if we could get it so that we could put the earpiece up to the microphone and you could go out in the parking lot and talk to us.

00:48:36.000 Oh yeah.

00:48:37.000 Put it right up there and see if it works.

00:48:38.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:48:41.000 Over.

00:48:41.000 You have to say over though.

00:48:44.000 Red Band, over.

00:48:45.000 We got Smokey in the Bush. 0.63

00:48:47.000 Over.

00:48:49.000 Smokey in the Bush. 1.00

00:48:50.000 Remember when everybody was all excited because they had those fucking, those stupid walkie-talkie phones? 1.00

00:48:54.000 Those were the dumbest ever. 1.00

00:48:56.000 Those Nextel. 1.00

00:48:57.000 Yeah.

00:48:58.000 But everybody wanted them. 0.99

00:48:59.000 They wanted to be like a fucking walkie-talkie guy. 0.97

00:49:02.000 When we were in high school, we didn't have cell phones or phones, so we all had CB radios in our car, and we all had the humongous antennas on the top of your car. 0.98

00:49:11.000 You had a CB? Oh, yeah, but it was cool because we all lived within a couple miles of each other, so we can just use it as a cell phone before there were cell phones and just be driving around in our car being like, where are you at?

00:49:22.000 You want to go smoke some weed at the church?

00:49:24.000 Sure.

00:49:25.000 Wow.

00:49:25.000 You're probably all on police frequencies.

00:49:27.000 Oh, yeah.

00:49:30.000 Totally.

00:49:30.000 Yeah, we got that.

00:49:31.000 I think two kids are about to go smoke weed at a church.

00:49:35.000 Yep.

00:49:36.000 Yeah, how about those police scanners?

00:49:38.000 You ever go over to someone's house and they got a police scanner going on all the time?

00:49:41.000 I got one on my phone.

00:49:42.000 I listen to it all the time.

00:49:43.000 Yeah, but I mean like those real ones that people have in their home.

00:49:46.000 Right.

00:49:46.000 Those are weird.

00:49:47.000 Just the domestic violence network.

00:49:49.000 We have another beating hammer.

00:49:52.000 Just something weird about people that want to constantly be in tune with all the crime that's going on around them.

00:49:58.000 Yeah.

00:49:58.000 It's probably guys that wanted to be in the police force but couldn't pass the psych examinations.

00:50:02.000 Oh man, what's that fire truck going by for?

00:50:04.000 I need to figure it out! 1.00

00:50:06.000 I need to know when all these assholes in my neighborhood are up to no good. 0.99

00:50:11.000 I just saw an ambulance and I need to know what's going on. 1.00

00:50:15.000 I do it sometimes when I like listening to it.

00:50:18.000 I think it's interesting.

00:50:21.000 Yeah, I mean, I guess so.

00:50:23.000 Yeah, I mean, look, voyeurism and being able to rubberneck crimes and stuff.

00:50:28.000 One of the things they're saying is they're going to try to, in L.A., they're going to try to raise up the walls in between the two lanes, the north and the southbound lanes, because people rubberneck so much and it causes so much traffic.

00:50:39.000 Oh, it's insane. 0.99

00:50:40.000 Yeah, it's really frustrating when you get somewhere and you realize that the only reason why everyone drove slow is because some shit went on the other side of the fucking highway. 1.00

00:50:49.000 Like, you fucking selfish cunts. 1.00

00:50:51.000 If it's not in the middle of the highway, then it should not slow us down. 1.00

00:50:54.000 But everybody wants to see.

00:50:56.000 Everybody should just get CB radios and keep driving at 75 miles an hour.

00:51:01.000 Yeah.

00:51:02.000 I don't think that's going to help.

00:51:03.000 Yeah, I know.

00:51:04.000 The only thing that's going to help LA is if there's multiple layers.

00:51:08.000 We would need several layers of highways.

00:51:10.000 You could drive up to the upper highway if you really weren't scared of earthquakes.

00:51:14.000 Or if you wanted to be on the top. 0.97

00:51:16.000 So if the earthquake happened, you ride that bitch down to the bottom and crush everybody below you. 1.00

00:51:21.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:51:22.000 You know in Silicon Valley where that one dude had a really skinny car?

00:51:26.000 It was like a one person car.

00:51:27.000 It almost looked like a piece of bread.

00:51:29.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

00:51:30.000 I saw it.

00:51:31.000 Imagine if a car like a Mini Cooper was cut in half.

00:51:35.000 Did he make it himself?

00:51:36.000 No, it was just kind of a joke.

00:51:37.000 Like that guy's so rich and look at his car how skinny it is.

00:51:40.000 He's like, I don't want to listen to your idea.

00:51:42.000 I'm out of here.

00:51:43.000 And he gets in this tiny little...

00:51:45.000 Because it's Silicon Valley and it's all just...

00:51:47.000 Oh, you're talking about the TV show?

00:51:49.000 Yeah.

00:51:49.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:51:51.000 Sorry.

00:51:52.000 But what if we all had just one person cars in the future?

00:51:55.000 Because motorcycles get to go in between cars, so what if we just had really skinny cars?

00:52:00.000 Yeah, that's a death trap.

00:52:02.000 Yeah, that's not good.

00:52:03.000 There doesn't even have a lot of room for error if somebody hits you.

00:52:06.000 That's the thing that everybody's looking at. 1.00

00:52:08.000 When you see a Volvo, guaranteed there's a pussy in that car. 1.00

00:52:13.000 Someone in there is terrified of crashes. 1.00

00:52:15.000 That's just how it is with Volvos.

00:52:18.000 It's got a six-star safety rating, and I just can't get hit out here.

00:52:22.000 Meanwhile, Joey Diaz drives a Volvo. 1.00

00:52:24.000 Listen, cocksucker, you're the best fucking car you're ever going to have. 1.00

00:52:27.000 I like Tate in a Volvo, too, so there goes my theory. 1.00

00:52:31.000 My theory sucks.

00:52:32.000 But so many of those people that do drive those things are super safety conscious because that's one of the things that all their commercials were geared to. 0.99

00:52:39.000 Yeah, this is a boring-ass car.

00:52:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not fast, but look what happens when you throw it off a cliff. 0.86

00:52:44.000 Boom.

00:52:45.000 Nothing.

00:52:46.000 They build those things to withstand nuclear blasts. 1.00

00:52:50.000 If you got one of those, you're not going to trade that shit in for a fucking motorcycle. 1.00

00:52:56.000 Super safe. 1.00

00:52:56.000 They only go 45 miles an hour, but it's so safe. 1.00

00:52:59.000 They go normal speeds now.

00:53:01.000 They're pretty fast cars.

00:53:02.000 I mean, there's not much difference. 0.73

00:53:04.000 When you get to, like, the high-end cars, I mean, there's a difference as far as, like, one of them handles more comfortably, but modern cars are so goddamn good.

00:53:13.000 They're so much better.

00:53:14.000 Like, that car that we had in Denver, that Hellcat, that's a 707 horsepower American car. 0.96

00:53:22.000 A ridiculous car. 0.69

00:53:23.000 That was unheard of 20 years ago. 0.94

00:53:26.000 I literally grew chest hair while sitting in that thing.

00:53:30.000 Some people use that as a figure of speech, like, oh, put hair on my chest.

00:53:34.000 I looked in the hotel room when I was showering after that, and I had more chest hair.

00:53:39.000 It's three times the car I've ever been in.

00:53:41.000 That sound.

00:53:43.000 But the point is, that didn't exist.

00:53:46.000 It wasn't even possible.

00:53:48.000 Like, when you got a really fast car from 1970, it had like 400 horsepower.

00:53:52.000 And it was just a death trap.

00:53:54.000 Terrible brakes, no handling.

00:53:56.000 It was like an elephant on roller skates.

00:53:59.000 And that's what it was like. 1.00

00:54:01.000 Every way you want, plowing into shit, barely able to stop. 0.99

00:54:05.000 The cars today are just infinitely better. 0.98

00:54:08.000 So if you took a Volvo today, which you consider like a super safe car, very boring, and took it around a racetrack with like a 1970 Challenger, it would bury that car.

00:54:17.000 It would just fucking run circles around it and braking, handling, everything. 0.98

00:54:22.000 You'd be like, whoa, Volvo's the greatest fucking hot rod ever. 1.00

00:54:25.000 No, it's just old cars sucked a fat one. 1.00

00:54:28.000 Old cars, they're just clunky-ass, shitty technology. 0.99

00:54:32.000 That Hellcat Challenger, it's 700 horsepower. 0.99

00:54:35.000 700. That means that the equivalent of that back in the day would be a carriage being pulled by 700 horses and just one guy in this carriage in the back.

00:54:45.000 It was, hello.

00:54:46.000 But not even that. 0.96

00:54:47.000 Because if you did have a carriage pulled by 700 horses and right next to it you had a Challenger, the Challenger would fucking blow by that. 0.97

00:54:56.000 It would be gone. 0.96

00:54:58.000 It wouldn't even be close.

00:55:00.000 The race would last as much time as it takes for the challenger to drive past the horses.

00:55:05.000 That's it.

00:55:06.000 Once it got to the 700th horse, it's gone.

00:55:10.000 Yeah, I don't know how I understand horsepower.

00:55:12.000 Some horses are bigger, too.

00:55:13.000 Yeah.

00:55:14.000 It has anything to do with horses, really?

00:55:17.000 I think originally. 0.91

00:55:18.000 That's ridiculous. 0.82

00:55:20.000 I'd imagine a horse is one horsepower. 1.00

00:55:24.000 Yeah, but some horses win the Kentucky Derby and other ones fall on their fat, stupid faces. 1.00

00:55:29.000 I'm surprised they don't have that for other things. 1.00

00:55:31.000 A bicycle, how many cat power is that?

00:55:34.000 Oh, I was thinking, man, that's the other place that we've got to do a podcast.

00:55:37.000 We've got to do a podcast from the Kentucky Derby.

00:55:40.000 Oh, yeah.

00:55:40.000 In reference to Hunter S. Thompson's, one of his greatest books, or his greatest pieces, was the Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved.

00:55:48.000 It's a fucking great, great piece. 0.65

00:55:51.000 Where it's like he went to the Kentucky Derby and then, you know, like was... 0.99

00:55:56.000 Essentially, they were mocking all the people that were there.

00:55:59.000 He was categorizing all the monsters that were there, but by the end of the piece, he realized he was one of them. 0.99

00:56:06.000 They're all fucked up, and they're at the Kentucky Derby, and they realize we're no better than any of these savages that are here. 1.00

00:56:12.000 Measurements of power. 1.00

00:56:14.000 Horsepower.

00:56:24.000 Huh.

00:56:45.000 Hmm, that's interesting.

00:56:53.000 Huh.

00:57:04.000 That's interesting.

00:57:05.000 In the EU, the European Union, the use of horsepower is only permitted as a supplementary unit.

00:57:12.000 Like when you look at cars, you know, like if you look at an American car, 700 horsepower, 700 horses under the trunk or under the hood.

00:57:21.000 If you look at European cars, like on European websites, they have it listed as like watts and kilowatts of power.

00:57:29.000 It's really kind of weird.

00:57:31.000 Like Land Rover.

00:57:33.000 Here's a perfect one because it's an English company.

00:57:37.000 If you go to their website and you read what they have, it's really kind of interesting.

00:57:47.000 You try to make sense of what is a what?

00:57:50.000 How much is in that?

00:57:53.000 Like a Land Rover Defender is their version of a Jeep.

00:57:57.000 Dimensions and capabilities.

00:57:59.000 Engine and performance here.

00:58:03.000 Yeah, engine speed at maximum torque.

00:58:06.000 They have torque, newton meters.

00:58:07.000 Like, it doesn't say horsepower.

00:58:09.000 The power in kilowatts.

00:58:12.000 Kilowatts, KW slash PS. I thought kilowatts was just a Back to the Future thing.

00:58:17.000 Oh no, that's gigawatts.

00:58:20.000 That's the necessary thing.

00:58:21.000 Yeah, a Land Rover Defender, which is like their version of the Jeep, has a 90 kilowatt, 122 PS power rating.

00:58:33.000 So that's how they do it in England.

00:58:36.000 They hate America.

00:58:37.000 Yeah.

00:58:38.000 That's what's going on. 0.99

00:58:40.000 You know horsepower sounds better, you silly Brits. 0.99

00:58:42.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:58:43.000 Because whenever you read about a Ferrari or a Porsche, it's always in horsepower.

00:58:47.000 Right. 1.00

00:58:48.000 You silly fucks. 1.00

00:58:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:58:49.000 European Union. 1.00

00:58:50.000 Oh, we just...

00:58:51.000 What?

00:58:52.000 What?

00:58:53.000 We go by the what system.

00:58:55.000 But it is a smarter way to do it, really.

00:58:57.000 Of course it is.

00:58:59.000 Why do you think we do it that way, Joe?

00:59:01.000 I mean, it makes sense. 0.99

00:59:02.000 What the fuck is a horse doing, measuring a car? 0.99

00:59:06.000 It's so American. 1.00

00:59:08.000 It's so dopey. 0.97

00:59:08.000 How many power of horses is it? 0.97

00:59:14.000 Yeah, we're goofy as fuck. 0.99

00:59:15.000 We really are. 1.00

00:59:16.000 We're so goofy with inches, too.

00:59:18.000 Like, when I was a kid, they legitimately tried to introduce the metric system to schools. 1.00

00:59:23.000 And I remember people being like, fuck off! 0.99

00:59:25.000 Just throwing the rulers at the teacher. 1.00

00:59:27.000 They were just not buying it, man.

00:59:29.000 I mean, that was in my lifetime.

00:59:31.000 I saw it.

00:59:31.000 They were trying to introduce the metric system.

00:59:34.000 Just like they were trying to introduce soccer.

00:59:36.000 It was very similar.

00:59:38.000 And people were like, no, no, not having it.

00:59:42.000 The metric system, though, is so much better.

00:59:44.000 Everything is intense.

00:59:45.000 It makes sense.

00:59:46.000 When we do fights in other countries, in England, England's the weirdest because they still go by stone.

00:59:53.000 Do you know what a stone is?

00:59:55.000 What?

00:59:55.000 Yeah, if you were being measured, you'd be, Stan's 11 stone!

01:00:00.000 Yeah.

01:00:01.000 How much is a stone?

01:00:02.000 I don't know.

01:00:03.000 Let's find out.

01:00:03.000 Why would they do stones and not horsepower?

01:00:05.000 I mean, horses are pretty much a lot closer than stones.

01:00:08.000 Sometimes there's a huge stone.

01:00:10.000 I think a stone is like 14 pounds or 13 pounds.

01:00:13.000 Oh, dude, I'm only like six stones.

01:00:17.000 Okay, in many northwestern European countries, the stone was formerly used for trade with a value ranging from about 5 to 40 local pounds.

01:00:28.000 With the advent of metrication from the mid-19th century on, it was superseded by the kilogram.

01:00:34.000 It remained in limited use for trade in the United Kingdom and in Ireland until prohibited by the Weights and Measures Act of 1985. Okay, yeah, it's 14 pounds.

01:00:46.000 But they still use it for weighing in fighters.

01:00:49.000 When fighters weigh in, Does Bruce Buffer say that?

01:00:53.000 Yes.

01:00:53.000 Oh.

01:00:54.000 Yeah.

01:00:55.000 Well, he doesn't say it.

01:00:56.000 He doesn't really say it.

01:00:57.000 I actually say it.

01:00:58.000 Oh, wow.

01:00:58.000 The guy says it to me.

01:00:59.000 The guy will say it to me.

01:01:00.000 You know, 14 stone.

01:01:01.000 But when Bruce Buffer...

01:01:03.000 Oh, that's right.

01:01:04.000 That's during weigh-ins.

01:01:05.000 I think Bruce Buffer does say it, though, when they...

01:01:08.000 I'm not sure if he still does.

01:01:10.000 If there's an actual...

01:01:11.000 During the actual, like, fight announcement.

01:01:15.000 Yeah.

01:01:15.000 But at the weigh-in, I would have to say it.

01:01:17.000 Wow.

01:01:18.000 I would have to say, like, one stone, ten pounds.

01:01:21.000 You know, 155, you know, with X amount of stones.

01:01:25.000 What is that, ten stone, like, not quite eleven stone? 0.99

01:01:30.000 This is fucking so strange. 0.99

01:01:33.000 Ten stone, nine pounds. 1.00

01:01:36.000 You know, you'd say shit like that. 0.99

01:01:38.000 Wow, that is a weird unit. 0.99

01:01:40.000 They stopped doing that after a while, though, and they had me just read off the weights.

01:01:44.000 Like, I don't read the kilos anymore, either.

01:01:46.000 Like, if someone says 155, it's 155. Like, this is, like, it's too confusing for American fans.

01:01:53.000 86 kilos! 1.00

01:01:54.000 Shit! 1.00

01:01:55.000 Let me get to a computer! 0.99

01:01:56.000 You should start guessing the fighter's horsepower and announcing that.

01:02:00.000 Weighing in at six stone and 140 horsepower.

01:02:04.000 You know what's interesting is that that's kind of silly, but it's true, in fact, that the guys with the more horsepower, they run out of gas quicker because it's very relative.

01:02:16.000 Yeah, they have more muscle.

01:02:17.000 The blood's got to get there. 0.65

01:02:18.000 Like there's a certain amount of horsepower you need and then after that it's kind of ridiculous.

01:02:23.000 It's like the same with a race car.

01:02:24.000 Like if you have a car and it's a GT car, like if you're going around like the Nurburgring or something like that, like a real windy course with a lot of handling, you don't necessarily want like a thousand horsepower engine in your car.

01:02:38.000 You want as much engine as your suspension can handle.

01:02:41.000 And when it comes to, like, miles per hour and miles per gallon, you want, like, a balance between the two.

01:02:48.000 You want an engine that produces plenty of horsepower, but not so much horsepower that it burns up all your fuel in 30 minutes and you lose the race because everybody keeps going and you're done.

01:02:57.000 You're out of gas.

01:02:58.000 That's true with a body, too. 1.00

01:03:00.000 Like, when you see, like, some dude who's got just giant fucking massive muscles, the reality is that shit is a... 1.00

01:03:08.000 And a small gas tank. 1.00

01:03:10.000 And there's no other way around it.

01:03:11.000 That's how the human body is.

01:03:12.000 There's a balancing act going on.

01:03:14.000 So that guy could get you if he gets you quick. 0.99

01:03:17.000 But if the shit gets dragged into the third, fourth, and fifth rounds, that guy might be toast. 1.00

01:03:21.000 He might have a goddamn heart attack in there. 1.00

01:03:23.000 You ever find out what happened to that guy's ribs from Saturday? 1.00

01:03:26.000 That Potts guy? 0.99

01:03:28.000 He got fucked up. 1.00

01:03:29.000 Was that like 17 punches in the ribs? 1.00

01:03:30.000 Oh, way more than that.

01:03:32.000 Oh my god, it was insane.

01:03:33.000 He took 67 unanswered body shots.

01:03:36.000 That's what it was?

01:03:37.000 Yeah.

01:03:37.000 Oh my god.

01:03:38.000 Through both, two or three rounds, whatever many rounds it was, the fight where it was stopped.

01:03:43.000 He kept covering his head, but he left his body open, and I remember the guy just kept hitting that same spot.

01:03:49.000 That was crazy.

01:03:49.000 The whole fight was very sloppy.

01:03:51.000 Yeah.

01:03:51.000 That was not a good fight.

01:03:52.000 I just, you know, it's unfortunate but true that the larger guys, like a lot of the larger guys, like the skill levels just not, does not compare.

01:04:00.000 And it's not because, like, they're not capable of moving right, because, like, look at the way, like, a guy like...

01:04:08.000 Like, a super athlete moves.

01:04:10.000 You know, look at a way, like...

01:04:13.000 You know, pick your favorite basketball player.

01:04:15.000 Right, LeBron James.

01:04:16.000 LeBron James, probably the biggest super athlete in the world, right?

01:04:20.000 Look at the way that guy moves.

01:04:21.000 Now, if that guy was an MMA fighter, do you think he would move like those guys?

01:04:25.000 No, he'd move like he is.

01:04:26.000 He's a super athlete.

01:04:28.000 Those guys, like, especially Potts, he just, like, was real stiff and awkward. 0.76

01:04:32.000 It was just shitty technique. 0.59

01:04:33.000 Like, that's just not... 0.79

01:04:35.000 That's not indicative of what you'd expect from a high-level athlete.

01:04:39.000 I think that was the real problem with that fight.

01:04:42.000 The other dude's good.

01:04:43.000 Well, the way that it finished was what blew my mind.

01:04:47.000 I mean, just watching a man take heavyweight shots to the ribs, and especially the same spot, I was noticing when the guy's hand would pick up, and he'd wind up, he would hit.

01:04:57.000 In that exact same little square diameter that his fist was before.

01:05:01.000 And of all the stuff I've seen live, I don't think I've seen anything like that. 0.98

01:05:06.000 Well, it's just because the guy did a shit job of defending. 0.93

01:05:08.000 But Anthony Hamilton's a good fighter. 0.98

01:05:10.000 He's a very good fighter.

01:05:11.000 But it was his first fight.

01:05:12.000 It was his first UFC bout.

01:05:15.000 He moved so much better.

01:05:16.000 You could see the way he moved.

01:05:17.000 Just the way he was able to physically move back and forth.

01:05:21.000 That's a big thing with heavyweights, just how much athleticism do they have?

01:05:25.000 I mean, how much of it is just sheer size and bulk and horsepower, and how much of it is athleticism?

01:05:32.000 Yeah.

01:05:34.000 I've been watching some pro wrestling lately. 1.00

01:05:36.000 I bet you have, fuck. 0.99

01:05:37.000 He totally predicted what was going to happen with his John Cena, Brock Lesnar. 1.00

01:05:41.000 Oh, yeah.

01:05:42.000 You knew the thing played out.

01:05:44.000 Oh, no doubt about it.

01:05:45.000 Brock Lesnar.

01:05:45.000 Yeah.

01:05:46.000 You played it out long in advance, perfectly.

01:05:48.000 You knew exactly how it was going to go down.

01:05:50.000 And you're saying that it sets up something in the future.

01:05:53.000 Oh yeah, absolutely.

01:05:54.000 They offered me a full-time writing job.

01:05:56.000 I can talk about it now, because I'm not getting it.

01:05:58.000 I'm not doing it.

01:05:59.000 But a couple months ago, they offered me a full-time job to move to Stamford, Connecticut.

01:06:04.000 After one meeting.

01:06:05.000 A meeting like this, that was about an hour and a half.

01:06:07.000 At the end, they go, how would you feel about moving to Stamford, Connecticut for one year?

01:06:12.000 A job with the WWE writing on the creative side and I go, I'm gonna have to think about that and it didn't pan out.

01:06:20.000 Because I didn't want to move to Stamford, Connecticut and work a nine-to-five, even though it was really good money and everything.

01:06:28.000 You'd drive to LA or drive to New York rather than still do spots?

01:06:32.000 Yeah, which turns out it's just a 45-minute drive.

01:06:35.000 It's not that bad.

01:06:36.000 But the job is very grueling, the WWE thing.

01:06:40.000 It's not like a TV comedy writing job.

01:06:44.000 I'd have to answer to Vince McMahon.

01:06:46.000 Tony, what did you do, get stoned before writing this idea?

01:06:49.000 Do you think that's what he would say?

01:06:52.000 Probably.

01:06:52.000 What would you say to him?

01:06:54.000 I'd say, yeah, I was stoned when I wrote all the great ideas that you like, sir.

01:07:00.000 Well, you have a point.

01:07:01.000 You think Vince would try to get you on steroids?

01:07:05.000 He'd probably try to get me to eat beef.

01:07:08.000 Every chance he gets.

01:07:10.000 He brought in Bryson.

01:07:11.000 This is from my ranch.

01:07:13.000 I shot this myself this morning.

01:07:16.000 Yeah.

01:07:16.000 Well, was it good money?

01:07:18.000 Like serious money?

01:07:19.000 Super serious money.

01:07:20.000 Wow.

01:07:21.000 Insanely serious money.

01:07:22.000 And you came close.

01:07:23.000 I was happy to get the offer.

01:07:25.000 I took it as a victory.

01:07:26.000 And I love what I do.

01:07:27.000 I love what I'm doing.

01:07:29.000 And it might be crazy.

01:07:30.000 I'll never regret it.

01:07:31.000 You know what I mean?

01:07:31.000 I don't know.

01:07:32.000 I think you regret it right now.

01:07:33.000 I'm looking in your eyes.

01:07:34.000 No, no.

01:07:34.000 It's kind of a dream job for you.

01:07:36.000 Yeah.

01:07:37.000 Sort of, but then again, what I do is sort of a dream job, too, and giving up this dream job for that dream job would be crazy.

01:07:43.000 But you wouldn't have to give up this dream job.

01:07:45.000 Right.

01:07:46.000 I'm telling you, it's a grueling, creepy job, unfortunately.

01:07:49.000 Trust me.

01:07:50.000 If it was, if the word on the streets was, man, writing for the WWE is the coolest, you can do anything, I would have taken it, and I would have lived in New York, and it would have been amazing.

01:07:58.000 I would have traveled...

01:07:59.000 To Stanford 45 minutes every morning on a subway instead of living in Stanford.

01:08:04.000 Yeah, it would have been amazing. 1.00

01:08:06.000 It was stupid, the amount of money. 0.99

01:08:09.000 Yeah, you don't want to live in Stanford. 1.00

01:08:10.000 You know what the problem with Connecticut is?

01:08:12.000 It's not really a state.

01:08:13.000 I mean, it is a state, but let's be honest, ladies and gentlemen.

01:08:16.000 You live on a highway between Boston and New York.

01:08:19.000 Absolutely.

01:08:20.000 It's like they put some houses on the side of the highway and they call it a town.

01:08:23.000 But that's what's really going on.

01:08:25.000 Nothing's being done there.

01:08:27.000 Nothing's being made there.

01:08:28.000 What do you got?

01:08:28.000 You got the Glenn Beck show and the WWE. That's your entire state economy.

01:08:32.000 Of course there's some other things. 0.99

01:08:33.000 I'm just fucking around. 0.99

01:08:34.000 Don't get all fucking all Stanford-y on me. 0.99

01:08:38.000 Don't get, like, all attached and proud of Connecticut. 0.99

01:08:42.000 Connecticut Pride! 1.00

01:08:43.000 We gotta fucking email, Joe! 0.99

01:08:45.000 Connecticut Pride! 1.00

01:08:47.000 Connecticut sucks. 1.00

01:08:48.000 You know it sucks, and I know it sucks. 1.00

01:08:49.000 There's some great houses there, some nice neighborhoods. 1.00

01:08:52.000 Crazy neighborhoods, for sure.

01:08:53.000 My friend Tommy Jr., one of my best friends, lives in Connecticut. 0.99

01:08:55.000 He tells me it sucks. 0.93

01:08:56.000 I trust him. 0.96

01:08:58.000 It's not a good spot.

01:08:59.000 When I used to drive there, from Boston to New York, I would always think, like, why are people stopping here?

01:09:05.000 Yeah.

01:09:06.000 WWE. But a lot of people like David Letterman lived in Connecticut and drove into the city to do his show.

01:09:13.000 That's how he did it.

01:09:15.000 Yeah, but he's like reclusive, you know?

01:09:18.000 He needs to be away from everybody.

01:09:21.000 He's weird like that.

01:09:23.000 And you're not.

01:09:24.000 You're Mr. Outgoing.

01:09:25.000 You're being in that city, partying it up at night, doing a little blow in the morning to pep you up right before class.

01:09:31.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:09:32.000 You know me.

01:09:32.000 Show up on the campus, give Vince the paperwork that you wrote on the plane over there.

01:09:37.000 Yeah.

01:09:38.000 Tony, this storyline makes zero sense.

01:09:42.000 What kind of storylines were you planning?

01:09:44.000 I know you did.

01:09:45.000 I know you thought about it in your head.

01:09:46.000 Absolutely.

01:09:47.000 I wrote a great storyline where Brock Lesnar, in this past WrestleMania, he beat The Undertaker.

01:09:56.000 Oh, no.

01:09:56.000 The Undertaker's had a streak at WrestleMania.

01:09:59.000 He never loses at WrestleMania.

01:10:01.000 He was 21-0 all-time at WrestleMania.

01:10:04.000 21 years he had never lost in this match against Brock Lesnar.

01:10:08.000 It was sort of set up so everybody just assumed The Undertaker would win.

01:10:13.000 And then in a stunning move, Brock, towards the end of it, ends up beating The Undertaker for the three count.

01:10:19.000 You want to see something funny, look that up.

01:10:21.000 Reaction shots of the audience.

01:10:22.000 No, don't do that.

01:10:23.000 Okay.

01:10:24.000 But this audience was stunned.

01:10:26.000 You know what else gets stunned that audience? 1.00

01:10:28.000 A fucking simple card trick. 1.00

01:10:30.000 Oh, come on. 1.00

01:10:31.000 What are you talking about? 1.00

01:10:33.000 Listen, you're fucking being silly as shit. 1.00

01:10:37.000 Okay. 1.00

01:10:38.000 It's all planned out.

01:10:39.000 It's obvious.

01:10:40.000 It's not obvious.

01:10:41.000 It's definitely not.

01:10:42.000 If it's planned out, why would it be obvious?

01:10:44.000 You told me what was going to happen.

01:10:46.000 I know what's going to happen.

01:10:47.000 That's me, Joe.

01:10:48.000 I'm advanced!

01:10:49.000 That's not the arenas.

01:10:51.000 Not everybody in the arena was offered a full-time, one-year writing job.

01:10:55.000 They don't know what's going to happen.

01:10:56.000 So you're an expert in pro wrestling, essentially.

01:10:58.000 It was sort of like my replacement for not having a dad when I was a kid.

01:11:02.000 I would just sit there and watch these storylines and these guys...

01:11:07.000 Do all this crazy stuff.

01:11:08.000 Now I'm getting sad.

01:11:09.000 I'm sad now.

01:11:10.000 It was my dad replacement.

01:11:12.000 You totally bummed me out.

01:11:14.000 Superfly Snooker was your dad.

01:11:16.000 Pretty much.

01:11:16.000 Superfly was one of the biggest things.

01:11:18.000 I mean, that's what I was doing off of couches in my tighty-whities when I was a tiny little boy.

01:11:23.000 Bob Backlund.

01:11:24.000 I remember Bob Backlund, the creator of the Crossface Chicken Wing.

01:11:28.000 Which is a great move, man. 0.99

01:11:30.000 How much fucking time have you invested in this? 0.99

01:11:31.000 You should get paid by this. 0.99

01:11:33.000 You should seriously consider taking that job.

01:11:37.000 Uh, no.

01:11:38.000 I would say no to anybody else. 1.00

01:11:40.000 But you, you like that shit so much, you've always got those fucking books around. 1.00

01:11:45.000 Like, he reads books on the business of pro wrestling. 1.00

01:11:49.000 We're on a fucking plane. 0.99

01:11:51.000 And I look over, there's people reading self-help books, some folks are reading novels, Tony H. is getting a fucking book with the sex and politics. 1.00

01:12:02.000 Sex, Lies, and Headlocks, the true unauthorized bio of Vince McMahon. 1.00

01:12:06.000 What the fuck are you doing? 0.99

01:12:08.000 Reading awesomeness about a guy who took a joke of a show and turned it into a billion dollar enterprise and wrote it all himself and is the main creator. 1.00

01:12:19.000 You should write a book on pro wrestling, dude.

01:12:21.000 You should write a book, A Love Affair, Pro Wrestling.

01:12:24.000 A Love Affair from Tony Hinchcliffe.

01:12:26.000 I was listening to The Opie and Anthony Show, which is no longer The Opie and Anthony Show now.

01:12:33.000 It's Opie with Jimmy Norton.

01:12:36.000 I don't know.

01:12:36.000 Why don't they just call it The Opie and Jimmy Show, but whatever.

01:12:39.000 They had this guy on and he's an author.

01:12:43.000 He wrote that card movie with Kevin Spacey.

01:12:47.000 He's written a bunch of different books.

01:12:52.000 His name is Ben Mazurich and he was talking about Russian oligarchs and about what happened, what went down in Russia during the fall of the Soviet Union where Seven to nine people soaked up 50% of the economy of Russia.

01:13:15.000 Yeah.

01:13:16.000 Seven or nine, somewhere in that number, no more than ten people, literally had 50% of the Russian economy, and they were just killing each other.

01:13:25.000 They would kill each other and take over their businesses.

01:13:28.000 If you had a competitor, if you were Coke, you would send your army over to kill Pepsi, and then you would just own Pepsi, too.

01:13:34.000 Wow.

01:13:35.000 It was the total, complete Wild Wild West. 0.99

01:13:38.000 I don't know if he's written a book on this, or he's gonna write a book on this, But fucking A, man. 1.00

01:13:44.000 Listen to that shit. 1.00

01:13:45.000 I bet he has written a book on it. 1.00

01:13:46.000 I should find out what the book is.

01:13:48.000 Ben Mesrich.

01:13:50.000 Ben Mesrich.

01:13:51.000 It's interesting.

01:13:52.000 I wonder what the direction of the economy and the trends and everything were before that exclusive group of people took that over.

01:14:00.000 Because it seems like we're sort of, in a way, heading that direction with our stuff.

01:14:07.000 The top whatever percent has such a crazy amount of money compared to the rest of everybody.

01:14:13.000 Yeah, well, it's close.

01:14:15.000 We're pretty bad, but apparently it's nothing like Russia.

01:14:20.000 These Russian oligarchs, they just dominated. 0.96

01:14:25.000 They just figured out a way to completely dominate the entire economy of a giant country.

01:14:31.000 I mean, listening to him talk about it was fascinating.

01:14:34.000 The show is different now that Anthony's not there, but Jimmy Norton is so fucking interesting and hysterical, and, you know, and Opie's doing a great job of the two.

01:14:42.000 It's still a great show.

01:14:44.000 This guy, Ben Mesmerich, was fascinating. 1.00

01:14:48.000 Fuck Russia, man. 1.00

01:14:49.000 It's crazy. 1.00

01:14:50.000 They were talking about Putin, about what a gangster Putin had to be to come back and lead the country after he left.

01:14:57.000 Like, he led the country, took off, like, they imposed some sort of a term limit, came back, like, no term limit, in back.

01:15:05.000 And he's back again.

01:15:07.000 Like, this is the second time running the country.

01:15:09.000 Like, he installed some sort of a puppet dictator or a puppet leader when he was gone, and then came back, and he's a former KGB agent. 1.00

01:15:16.000 Like, what the fuck, man? 0.98

01:15:18.000 You know, there's a guy that, a professional wrestler named Rusev that actually puts Putin on the Megatron, on the Titantron, every time he comes out and really gets the crowd riled up. 1.00

01:15:30.000 Oh, God.

01:15:31.000 Oh, Mother Russia, I promise I will defeat my victim for you, and it gets the whole crowd to hate him, and then... 0.91

01:15:37.000 And then a guy comes out and Rusev usually wins.

01:15:41.000 They let the Russian guy win because it drives the crowd crazy. 1.00

01:15:43.000 And then you think anything can happen after that. 1.00

01:15:49.000 What the fuck is wrong with you? 0.99

01:15:51.000 My favorite thing is to watch you respond to me talk about wrestling. 1.00

01:15:54.000 What's wrong with you?

01:15:55.000 For real.

01:15:56.000 You would love it.

01:15:57.000 There's gotta be something wrong with you.

01:15:58.000 I wouldn't love it.

01:15:59.000 You'd be amazed.

01:16:00.000 I'll bet you though, I bet you if I showed you a statistic of UFC fans being WWE fans, I bet you'd be shocked because before the UFC was all over everything, one of the only outlets that, and by the way, I've been with the UFC since the beginning.

01:16:14.000 You know what I mean?

01:16:15.000 I mean like watching it since the hoist days, since hoist and shamrock and all that.

01:16:19.000 And that's because it's, even though it's two totally different things, UFC is obviously an extremely, you know, crazy sport.

01:16:29.000 And WWE is completely entertainment with, you know, some injuries from time to time.

01:16:36.000 You know, it was an outlet for anybody that wanted some crazy stuff.

01:16:42.000 WWE and UFC fans, I bet there's a lot.

01:16:45.000 I would bet you that...

01:16:46.000 I'm just going to wait until you're done talking before I start attacking you. 1.00

01:16:49.000 This is my closing statement.

01:16:51.000 Here it is.

01:16:51.000 I'll bet you that at least 70% of UFC fans have been or are a WWE fan at some point.

01:16:58.000 70%.

01:16:59.000 I love when people throw a statistic around where they have done zero research.

01:17:03.000 Just a random number.

01:17:04.000 I believe 70...

01:17:05.000 I do it all the time, by the way.

01:17:07.000 I'm saying I bet.

01:17:08.000 90% No. 0.99

01:17:11.000 Look, it's not the goddamn same. 0.98

01:17:14.000 One of them is real. 0.95

01:17:16.000 One of them is people that are battling for their life in the most difficult contest in all of sports. 0.98

01:17:22.000 Another one is some weird fucking jerk-off thing that strange guys do when they sit in front of the TV and pretend they don't know it's fake. 0.99

01:17:31.000 Right. 0.99

01:17:31.000 It's entertainment. 0.99

01:17:32.000 No, I know it's fake.

01:17:33.000 Everybody knows it's fake.

01:17:34.000 You don't want to know.

01:17:35.000 You shut that part of your brain off when you watch it. 1.00

01:17:37.000 You're like a lizard. 0.99

01:17:38.000 I went to a meeting to take a full-time writer's job. 0.99

01:17:41.000 I know it's fake.

01:17:42.000 No, no, no.

01:17:42.000 Even if you wrote it, you would still be there while it happened going, I can't believe it!

01:17:49.000 I... I can't believe it!

01:17:51.000 Who wrote this?

01:17:52.000 He beat The Undertaker! 1.00

01:17:53.000 You would have your fucking script in your hand and you'd be jumping up and down, spinning around in circles. 0.99

01:17:59.000 I can't believe Brock beat The Undertaker! 1.00

01:18:04.000 Unreal!

01:18:06.000 Incredible!

01:18:07.000 Worlds collide!

01:18:10.000 Oh yeah, I never got to finish.

01:18:12.000 So I wrote a thing to where Kane, the Undertaker's brother, wrestled Brock Lesnar at this WrestleMania coming up in seven months or so.

01:18:21.000 And loses, but Undertaker comes back, Tombstone Pile drives Brock Lesnar, and they walk off together.

01:18:28.000 Amazing.

01:18:29.000 Swan song.

01:18:30.000 They wave goodbye.

01:18:33.000 Now, when you come up with a move for a guy to win with, do you take into consideration at all the health of the person trying to attempt that move?

01:18:41.000 It's tough.

01:18:42.000 You're right.

01:18:43.000 Yeah, it's tough.

01:18:44.000 Because when Brock Lesnar did that shooting star press, flipped through the air and landed on his head, I've seen that.

01:18:49.000 I've seen that.

01:18:49.000 Anybody who knew about Brock Lesnar who was researching him, very likely, if you were going through internet videos and stuff like that, you'd run into that video of him flipping off the top rope and landing on his head.

01:19:02.000 All 300 pounds of him landed on his head.

01:19:06.000 Bang! 1.00

01:19:06.000 And kept going. 1.00

01:19:07.000 Yeah.

01:19:08.000 Crazy. 1.00

01:19:09.000 I don't know how the fuck he lived. 1.00

01:19:10.000 I know. 0.99

01:19:11.000 If you watch that, it looks like he's a dead man.

01:19:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:19:14.000 Lands on his fucking head! 1.00

01:19:15.000 Yeah, there's some stuff that just can't even, probably an inch either way and he can't move his legs and stuff, but he survived it. 0.99

01:19:25.000 I don't know how he did it and then how he went on to fight, actually fight fight afterwards. 0.97

01:19:30.000 Was that a big blow to the WWE when they realized that Brock Lesnar got fucked up by a dude with brown pride tattooed on his body? 0.96

01:19:38.000 Oh no, I don't know what that is. 0.99

01:19:40.000 What?

01:19:40.000 You don't know who Cain Velasquez is?

01:19:42.000 Oh no, yeah.

01:19:43.000 I didn't know he had a brown pride tattoo.

01:19:44.000 How do you know and not know he has brown pride tattooed on his chest?

01:19:48.000 It's a big point of contention.

01:19:50.000 I don't know.

01:19:51.000 A lot of people, or white people, find it quite offensive.

01:19:54.000 Because you could never fight with white pride tattooed on your chest.

01:19:58.000 That's interesting.

01:19:59.000 Now that I'm just hearing about this for the first time, that's an interesting thing.

01:20:05.000 You're only allowed to be proud if you're a minority. 1.00

01:20:08.000 If you're proud and you're a majority, you're mocking everybody else.

01:20:12.000 You're gloating. 0.95

01:20:13.000 Or you're a racist. 0.96

01:20:15.000 You're trying to hold back the others. 0.99

01:20:16.000 If you have black pride, then no one gives you a hard time at all. 0.93

01:20:19.000 You could have a t-shirt on on television that says black pride. 0.91

01:20:22.000 And no one would have issue with it. 1.00

01:20:24.000 But if you went on CNN with a white pride shirt on, they might fucking kill you with rocks. 1.00

01:20:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:20:31.000 That's insane.

01:20:32.000 I never thought of that before.

01:20:34.000 White man's been held down for a long time. 0.62

01:20:36.000 Wow.

01:20:37.000 You want to go to the meeting now?

01:20:39.000 What meeting?

01:20:40.000 The White Pride meeting.

01:20:42.000 Are you willing to join us in our ranks?

01:20:45.000 So, you're asking me if I think it messed up the WWE when Cain Velasquez beat Brock?

01:20:50.000 When you beat him so easily.

01:20:51.000 I think Brock going into the UFC and doing anything good whatsoever completely helped the WWE and the WWE's Brock. 0.86

01:21:00.000 I think Brock Lesnar, no bullshit.

01:21:03.000 If Brock Lesnar did it the right way, like if Brock Lesnar left the WWE and dedicated himself to becoming the best fighter in the world, I mean like... 0.67

01:21:13.000 Best striking coaches.

01:21:15.000 Best jiu-jitsu coaches.

01:21:17.000 An overall coach like a guy like a Matt Hume.

01:21:21.000 Like a John Crouch.

01:21:23.000 Like a real MMA coach who's going to go over your game.

01:21:26.000 A guy who's well-versed in all the variables when it comes to fighting.

01:21:29.000 Like a Dwayne Ludwig.

01:21:31.000 Go over your game.

01:21:32.000 Inside and out.

01:21:33.000 Find out what they can fix.

01:21:35.000 And worked on him for years.

01:21:37.000 If someone did that with him and then built him up slowly.

01:21:39.000 You start out in the RFA. Start out in these smaller organizations.

01:21:43.000 And then eventually you work your way up to a larger organization and eventually fight in the UFC when you have, you know, 15, 20 fights instead of your second fucking pro fight being against a former world champion. 0.97

01:21:55.000 His second pro fight in the UFC was against Frank fucking Mir. 0.99

01:22:00.000 That's crazy. 0.97

01:22:01.000 He fights Heath Herring.

01:22:02.000 He fights Frank Mir. 0.92

01:22:04.000 I mean, that's just ridiculous. 0.64

01:22:05.000 He's not ready. 0.97

01:22:06.000 He could have been great though, right?

01:22:07.000 He could have been an all-time great.

01:22:09.000 He's a real freak athlete.

01:22:11.000 Like, no doubt about it.

01:22:13.000 When he fought, Heath Herring was just running Heath Herring over. 0.99

01:22:17.000 It's like, holy shit. 0.98

01:22:18.000 The first time I saw him fight, I saw his first fight live. 0.99

01:22:23.000 I saw him fight in Hollywood.

01:22:26.000 He fought in LA. It was a K-1 event.

01:22:29.000 And it was really bizarre, man. 0.98

01:22:31.000 It's like, Dennis Rodman was there, and everyone was talking shit about the UFC. They were trying to get... 0.97

01:22:41.000 Like, some sort of publicity by, like, talking shit about the UFC. So they hired Dennis Rodman. 0.97

01:22:45.000 This was, like, right when Dennis Rodman was coming off of those reality shows where he was all fucked up on drugs and, you know, he had metal all over his face. 0.98

01:22:53.000 And he's like, UFC ain't shit compared to K-1! 0.97

01:22:56.000 And everybody's like, no! 0.99

01:22:57.000 No, they didn't!

01:22:58.000 And it was the first time Brock Lesnar ever fought.

01:23:01.000 And, uh, I just remember he took down this guy.

01:23:04.000 I forget the dude's name.

01:23:06.000 I'm sure it's here on his website somewhere.

01:23:09.000 But he took down this guy and smashed him in no time.

01:23:13.000 And I remember thinking, ooh, that is a lot to handle.

01:23:16.000 That's a big boy.

01:23:18.000 That's not a...

01:23:19.000 That's not like... 0.99

01:23:21.000 I mean, he's fucking enormous. 0.98

01:23:22.000 That's not a small guy. 0.99

01:23:24.000 He's an enormous former NCAA wrestling champion.

01:23:28.000 Like a real wrestler.

01:23:30.000 Yeah.

01:23:30.000 You know?

01:23:32.000 He's unbelievable.

01:23:33.000 And I mean, if that bacteria infection in his stomach that really almost killed him, I mean, it really almost killed him, didn't happen, I think it could have gone a few different ways.

01:23:44.000 But I think either way he would have gone back to the WWF because he can make so much money there doing such less work and such less training, and I think he's sort of into that.

01:23:54.000 Because they don't work him a lot.

01:23:56.000 They don't work him like other wrestlers.

01:23:57.000 He has a special deal where he gets paid millions and has to show up maybe 20 times a year.

01:24:03.000 A couple Monday nights, he comes out, pops corn, jumps up and down, goes back.

01:24:08.000 His manager does all the talking.

01:24:10.000 You can't beat my client, and he's just standing there looking cool, and he goes back.

01:24:15.000 How come he has a better deal than everybody else?

01:24:17.000 Because he's Brock Lesnar. 0.95

01:24:20.000 He's known as a killer.

01:24:22.000 Is he the guy that's the most respected guy?

01:24:24.000 I can't believe I'm asking you WWE questions.

01:24:26.000 Is he the guy that's the most respected guy?

01:24:28.000 Hey, Ronda Rousey was at Raw on Monday with the Four Horsewomen. 1.00

01:24:31.000 Gee, I wonder why she was. 0.99

01:24:32.000 You think maybe she got paid for that? 0.82

01:24:33.000 Yeah, but that's what they do. 0.85

01:24:36.000 They pay you.

01:24:37.000 Yeah.

01:24:38.000 Yeah.

01:24:39.000 That's the whole thing.

01:24:41.000 Yeah, in 2007 he fought this guy, Choi Hung, he was supposed to fight Choi Hung Man, but that guy got injured and they replaced him with a guy named Min Soo Kim and he crushed him in one minute and nine seconds of the first round.

01:24:53.000 And then his second fight was against Frank Mir.

01:24:57.000 So ridiculous. 0.85

01:24:59.000 Look, Jeff. 0.96

01:25:00.000 Remember this?

01:25:02.000 Oh, yeah.

01:25:03.000 The 360. My favorite video ever.

01:25:06.000 My favorite internet video ever.

01:25:07.000 The Buffer 360. And that's when you interview...

01:25:10.000 Does he do it between Brock and Lesnar?

01:25:13.000 Yeah.

01:25:14.000 It shows him right there.

01:25:16.000 It shows talking to Brock right there.

01:25:17.000 Yeah, he made his debut in the UFC. His first fight against Frank Mir.

01:25:24.000 Unfucking believable. 0.96

01:25:26.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:25:27.000 That's one of the craziest things I've ever heard in my life.

01:25:31.000 And then he fought Heath Herring in his next fight.

01:25:35.000 Just crazy.

01:25:36.000 Absolutely crazy.

01:25:37.000 The next fight after that, he fought for the title and beat Randy Couture. 1.00

01:25:42.000 Wrap your fucking head around that. 0.99

01:25:44.000 Just wrap your head around that. 1.00

01:25:45.000 The guy fought twice in the UFC, one against Frank Mir, one against Heath Herring, and then his next fight is Randy Couture for the title. 0.94

01:25:52.000 His fourth fucking fight in MMA, he beats Randy Couture for the heavyweight title. 0.90

01:25:57.000 Legitimately knocked him out, dropped him, and stopped him on the ground. 0.99

01:26:01.000 I mean, that's just fucking crazy. 0.99

01:26:04.000 Really is fucking crazy, man. 0.99

01:26:06.000 He's a monster athlete, and they have the belt on him right now, and it draws a lot of people. 0.99

01:26:11.000 It draws a lot of people in.

01:26:13.000 Yeah.

01:26:14.000 And they wrote a great one for this last one, for him to win the championship.

01:26:19.000 He just completely dominated the good guy.

01:26:22.000 Normally it's a back-and-forth battle, whoa!

01:26:25.000 But this was completely one-sided, something like 16 German suplexes.

01:26:30.000 And by the way, that guy's landing on the back of his neck, just like Brock in that Shooting Star press.

01:26:35.000 Some of these were sloppy.

01:26:36.000 And that Brock-Undertaker match...

01:26:38.000 He literally gave The Undertaker a concussion.

01:26:40.000 It was bad.

01:26:41.000 It was sloppy.

01:26:42.000 It wasn't supposed to go this way.

01:26:43.000 But when Brock hits those German suplexes, even though they're paying him a lot of money, he's nowhere near the technical wrestler like the guys that had been built in the machine.

01:26:53.000 So when he hits a German suplex and he throws a man over his head, he's not... 0.96

01:26:58.000 The guys can land on their neck and head and stuff, and The Undertaker was in bad shape.

01:27:02.000 So Brock's sort of one of the guys that's sort of a liability.

01:27:05.000 Like, he can take a guy out even though you don't want him to.

01:27:08.000 How many of those dudes have, like, neck surgery? 0.55

01:27:11.000 Almost all of them.

01:27:12.000 Mick Foley, who I opened up for a couple weeks ago, known as Mankind, Dude Love, Cactus Jack, the multiple personalities wrestler, literally, is having back surgery right now.

01:27:23.000 Really?

01:27:24.000 Yep.

01:27:24.000 And he's had something like 47 broken bones.

01:27:27.000 It's all real.

01:27:28.000 He's missing his right ear.

01:27:30.000 He's missing his ear?

01:27:31.000 Yeah.

01:27:31.000 What happened to his ear?

01:27:32.000 It fell off.

01:27:35.000 It fell off during a match.

01:27:37.000 This is the guy that took the dive off the hell in the cell versus The Undertaker through a table.

01:27:41.000 Oh, that guy. 0.98

01:27:41.000 Nobody fucking knows about that. 0.98

01:27:43.000 Nobody knows. 0.99

01:27:44.000 Nobody knows.

01:27:46.000 This is the guy that did the thing we all talk about.

01:27:49.000 I'm telling you.

01:27:50.000 It was like the 9-11 of the WWF. So, his ear fell off because...

01:27:56.000 Was it a cauliflower ear?

01:27:57.000 Was it that?

01:27:58.000 That happens in MMA fights sometimes.

01:28:00.000 Yeah.

01:28:00.000 Because it's so...

01:28:01.000 You know what cauliflower ear...

01:28:02.000 Yeah, I used to wrestle.

01:28:03.000 ...which causes it?

01:28:04.000 Yeah.

01:28:04.000 When your blood leaks into your ear, it hardens and becomes like calcium.

01:28:09.000 And so, when people look at people with fucked up ears from grappling, those things are hard. 0.94

01:28:14.000 And sometimes when they get hit, it literally breaks the skin and it tears off. 0.97

01:28:19.000 Chunks of people's ears have fallen off during fights.

01:28:22.000 And, like, landed on the ground inside the octagon.

01:28:24.000 I wrestled for four years in high school, and my senior year, I remember, I didn't get cauliflower ear, but some stuff broke up up there, and the top of my right ear was black for, like, a month.

01:28:36.000 And it really freaked me out.

01:28:38.000 I didn't ever look into what it was.

01:28:40.000 My coach is just like, well, put some extra padding in your headgear.

01:28:43.000 And so I had one side that stuck out more than the other side.

01:28:46.000 Yeah.

01:28:46.000 I always wear headgear, man.

01:28:48.000 I don't want...

01:28:49.000 The problem with cauliflower is that everybody's like, yeah, it makes you look tough.

01:28:53.000 But it also affects the way your hearing works.

01:28:56.000 The design of your ear, evolution has sort of created this thing that allows you to best capture the sound around you.

01:29:05.000 It's not like a cute look.

01:29:07.000 The reason why your ear is shaped like that.

01:29:09.000 I always tell people, take your ear. 0.61

01:29:11.000 and then take the top of your ear and then fold it down and listen to how different shit sounds and then let it go like take that and just cover it up and then let it go well when it's covered up that's how Randy Couture hears all the time like that's what his hearing is like and his ear hole is this tiny little thing like Waleed Ishmael who's this famous jiu-jitsu fighter They call him Valigi. 0.96

01:29:35.000 His ears, it's like he has two hard, like a mouse-sized thing stuffed into each ear. 0.91

01:29:43.000 It's like they open his ear up, stuff this hard mouse thing.

01:29:46.000 So his hole is so tiny.

01:29:48.000 No Q-tips for that guy.

01:29:49.000 He's not using any Q-tips. 0.99

01:29:51.000 If he does use a Q-tip, he's got to force that bitch in there, and you're never going to get it out. 1.00

01:29:56.000 It's like... 0.99

01:29:57.000 He's got little tiny, tiny holes.

01:29:59.000 That's bad.

01:30:00.000 You're not supposed to do that.

01:30:01.000 Yeah.

01:30:02.000 But people like it. 1.00

01:30:03.000 They like it because it makes them look like fucking badasses. 1.00

01:30:06.000 Yeah, I don't know. 0.99

01:30:07.000 I think he's responsible for a lot of fighters' bad choices in walk-in music.

01:30:11.000 Oh, walk-in music.

01:30:12.000 By the way, that's my favorite thing.

01:30:15.000 They probably have no idea what they're listening to.

01:30:18.000 I love that part of everything, especially the UFC, because it is so crazy, like the quiet before the storm, and some people pick the worst songs. 0.98

01:30:28.000 Well, you know what's fucked up? 0.66

01:30:29.000 This dude, Roy McDonald, is one of the top fighters in the UFC. He's a top contender in the welterweight division, this bad motherfucker. 1.00

01:30:35.000 Always had bad walking music. 0.99

01:30:37.000 Like, one time he came out to Can't Touch This, and I was mocking him.

01:30:41.000 I had to.

01:30:43.000 I was goofing on it.

01:30:43.000 I was like, what is this?

01:30:45.000 Yeah.

01:30:47.000 Great song back in the day, by the way.

01:30:49.000 Props to MC Hammer.

01:30:50.000 Frosty and I have a thing where we always talk about...

01:30:53.000 We go.

01:30:54.000 We'll make predictions right off of that.

01:30:56.000 Every single fight.

01:30:57.000 What happened was Rory wasn't picking his walk-in music.

01:31:01.000 He changed his phone number.

01:31:02.000 He moved from Vancouver area to Montreal.

01:31:06.000 And he changed his phone number.

01:31:07.000 And the guy who got his old phone number was a fan.

01:31:12.000 He happened to be a fan. 0.99

01:31:13.000 Because in Vancouver, in that area, Kelowna, where he's from, he's fucking huge. 0.94

01:31:17.000 He's a huge star. 0.98

01:31:18.000 When he fought in Vancouver, people went nuts.

01:31:20.000 They were so psyched to see him there.

01:31:23.000 So, this guy just happened to get his phone number, happened to be a fan.

01:31:27.000 So when they texted him, what do you want for your walkout music, Rory?

01:31:30.000 He's like, what?

01:31:31.000 Oh my god.

01:31:32.000 So he never told anybody.

01:31:33.000 And he had this phone number.

01:31:35.000 That's hilarious.

01:31:35.000 For years, he was giving shitty walk-in music to Rory McToddall.

01:31:39.000 Ha! 0.89

01:31:39.000 Amazing. 0.89

01:31:41.000 That is hilarious.

01:31:43.000 And then finally Rory called up the number or something like that.

01:31:46.000 They finally figured out that he wasn't really Rory.

01:31:49.000 Wow.

01:31:50.000 That's great.

01:31:51.000 Like they said to Rory, you know, we get your text for all your song picks.

01:31:54.000 He's like, what?

01:31:55.000 I'm not sending you any texts.

01:31:57.000 Oh my god. 0.98

01:31:57.000 I didn't fucking send it. 0.98

01:31:58.000 What number are you texting? 0.98

01:31:59.000 And then he realized it was his old number.

01:32:01.000 That's so funny.

01:32:04.000 The guy must have been at home just giggling like a child when Can't Touch This came on.

01:32:11.000 He must have been like, yes!

01:32:12.000 I get it!

01:32:14.000 Can't Touch This.

01:32:15.000 Walk-in music is so powerful because you can psych out an opponent with walk-in music if it's done properly.

01:32:23.000 If it's some subtle, crazy stuff.

01:32:27.000 No, you can't.

01:32:29.000 A little bit.

01:32:30.000 A little bit you can.

01:32:31.000 In wrestling, you look around, what is that?

01:32:33.000 I can't believe he's playing that.

01:32:35.000 Is that Phil Collins?

01:32:36.000 I can feel it in the air.

01:32:38.000 I can feel it coming.

01:32:40.000 I can't believe this is my song!

01:32:43.000 He took my song!

01:32:44.000 You don't think if you're fighting in the UFC and you come out first, you add your song, let's say your song's like a 7 on a 1 to 10, and then lights go out and Phil Collins in the air tonight does come in. 0.99

01:32:57.000 You're not a little bit like Fuck, I wish I would have picked this. 0.99

01:33:00.000 He's already got one on me. 0.99

01:33:03.000 He's already landed one blow, and that's the intro music.

01:33:08.000 You need to call Vince McMahon right now. 1.00

01:33:13.000 You think like a fucking pro wrestling fan. 0.99

01:33:16.000 And I say that with all due respect. 1.00

01:33:19.000 I'm not hating on it, but you take enjoyment in that stupidity. 1.00

01:33:24.000 I know I do. 1.00

01:33:25.000 It's entertaining as hell.

01:33:27.000 Vince, why are you slipping?

01:33:29.000 This is the man who's going to turn your organization around.

01:33:32.000 And they should call you the mastermind, and they should make you a character as well.

01:33:37.000 I agree.

01:33:38.000 And you wear those gold wrestling shoes.

01:33:40.000 That's your whole outfit.

01:33:41.000 It's shiny gold.

01:33:43.000 I'm the mastermind.

01:33:44.000 Good to be here in Vancouver.

01:33:47.000 Boom.

01:33:48.000 Oh, what's wrong?

01:33:49.000 You don't like my plans for the future?

01:33:52.000 Boo! 0.83

01:33:53.000 I can feel it!

01:33:58.000 Oh my god!

01:34:00.000 Yeah, there's an article on BloodyElbow.com.

01:34:03.000 If you go to BloodyElbow.com and read about the...

01:34:05.000 If you're a UFC fan, it's by our friend Crooklyn, Steffi Daniels, who wrote this...

01:34:10.000 Story about this imposter choosing Rory McDowell's walkout music for years. 0.98

01:34:15.000 For fucking years, the dude did it. 0.99

01:34:18.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:34:20.000 It's so funny, man.

01:34:23.000 Oh, it even says how I was making fun of him. 0.97

01:34:29.000 He's like, oh man, this sucks a little bit.

01:34:31.000 For folks who don't know, I'm a big Rory McDonald fan. 0.80

01:34:33.000 And you actually hear his voice when you hear, Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

01:34:38.000 That's Rory.

01:34:39.000 That's him.

01:34:40.000 And then the other one is Nick Diaz going...

01:34:42.000 Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

01:34:45.000 That's the greatest quote of all time, of my entire career, by the way.

01:34:49.000 But I just think this dude, I want to interview this guy, whoever the guy is.

01:34:54.000 He's hilarious, man.

01:34:56.000 Whoever that dude is.

01:34:58.000 But it's like he had Loopy Fiasco Lightwork, that was one of them.

01:35:03.000 Rihanna, We Found Love, that was another one.

01:35:06.000 That's so amazing.

01:35:08.000 But he came up with good ones, like he had Metallica, Seek and Destroy.

01:35:12.000 That's a good one.

01:35:14.000 Yeah.

01:35:17.000 And then he had a violin orchestra for one of them.

01:35:20.000 See, I think that would be awesome.

01:35:23.000 Yeah, why not, right?

01:35:24.000 Yeah.

01:35:24.000 Just something different.

01:35:26.000 Yeah, something different.

01:35:27.000 Make the opponent wonder, wow, what's the psychological plan here?

01:35:31.000 What is it about all that stuff, even though you know it's total 100% horseshit, what is it about that stuff that's appealing to you?

01:35:37.000 The entertainment.

01:35:38.000 Joe, if you watch one of these things...

01:35:41.000 You would see what you liked about it.

01:35:43.000 You would have a few favorites and you would dig it.

01:35:47.000 Nope. 0.99

01:35:47.000 I'd go fucking crazy and I'd watch lions killing gazelles on television because that's real. 0.99

01:35:51.000 That's what I'd do. 1.00

01:35:52.000 I'd grab my laptop and I'd be like, yeah, you watch this fake shit all day. 1.00

01:35:55.000 I need real. 1.00

01:35:56.000 I need real.

01:35:57.000 I can't get entertained by fake.

01:35:59.000 But that's what TV shows and movies are.

01:36:01.000 They're fake.

01:36:02.000 No.

01:36:03.000 No, they're not fake.

01:36:04.000 Sports are real.

01:36:05.000 And that I understand.

01:36:07.000 And this is sports entertainment.

01:36:09.000 It's not...

01:36:09.000 Nobody's saying it's real.

01:36:12.000 Okay, when you watch Game of Thrones and you watch a guy get his head cut off, you know what it looks like?

01:36:17.000 Yeah.

01:36:17.000 It looks like a guy actually getting his head cut off.

01:36:19.000 It looks real.

01:36:20.000 Yeah.

01:36:21.000 When I watch wrestling and I see a guy get hit and go...

01:36:24.000 Turn to the crowd... 1.00

01:36:27.000 I know that's bullshit. 1.00

01:36:30.000 Right. 1.00

01:36:30.000 It's offensive to me. 1.00

01:36:32.000 Yeah.

01:36:33.000 It's offensive.

01:36:34.000 Yeah.

01:36:34.000 But there's other moves that happen that are amazing.

01:36:38.000 No, no, no.

01:36:38.000 They're all offensive.

01:36:40.000 Oh, no.

01:36:41.000 I know they take athleticism to pull off, but they're offensive.

01:36:44.000 Because I'm so aware.

01:36:46.000 It's so in my face that this is not really happening.

01:36:48.000 I can't be the guy in the gold suit holding onto the script, jumping around a place going...

01:36:54.000 The Undertaker lost!

01:36:55.000 The streak has been broken!

01:36:59.000 That's what you would do. 0.97

01:36:59.000 You would freak the fuck out. 0.97

01:37:01.000 I wouldn't do that. 0.68

01:37:03.000 You would if you were hired to do that.

01:37:04.000 If I had a gold suit, I would do that, but I don't have a gold suit.

01:37:07.000 I can see you doing it. 0.99

01:37:08.000 Vince is fucking up. 0.97

01:37:09.000 He really needs to make you a part of it. 0.99

01:37:11.000 I told Tony immediately he should do it.

01:37:13.000 And I can't believe you didn't take it, Tony.

01:37:16.000 Because that is one of the biggest things for you.

01:37:19.000 Because you are that.

01:37:21.000 I was trying to negotiate doing it part-time from LA. That would be awesome.

01:37:26.000 That would be best for both sides because I wouldn't get burned out on it.

01:37:30.000 And they would have...

01:37:32.000 Awesome, great ideas that are hip and cool, and I would have been able to do what I wanted to do.

01:37:37.000 Hip and cool?

01:37:37.000 Whenever a guy says, my ideas are hip and cool, I go, hmm, are you sure?

01:37:41.000 Well, it depends what ideas he's talking about.

01:37:43.000 The Undertaker has a scarf!

01:37:46.000 But it's a hip scarf.

01:37:48.000 It's a scarf with little skulls all over it, like he's a pirate.

01:37:51.000 He's drinking a frappuccino!

01:37:55.000 I've never saw this one coming! 1.00

01:37:57.000 Fuck yes! 1.00

01:38:00.000 Undertaker has gone Metro! 1.00

01:38:05.000 Metro sexual Undertaker. 0.99

01:38:08.000 Maybe if you change... 0.99

01:38:09.000 All of a sudden, Tony starts working for them and every character becomes gay. 1.00

01:38:13.000 And it turns out that there's someone who's sprinkling gay dust... 1.00

01:38:19.000 Over all the other competitors when they're in the locker room. 0.99

01:38:22.000 That's a plot that Tony comes up with. 0.98

01:38:25.000 He turns the entire roster gay. 0.99

01:38:27.000 It turns out there's an openly gay wrestler and he has gay fairy dust. 0.99

01:38:32.000 And he keeps it in a leprechaun's ball sack. 0.99

01:38:35.000 They killed a leprechaun and turned his ball sack into this.

01:38:39.000 Are you ready for this?

01:38:40.000 Sure I am.

01:38:40.000 What if I were to tell you that there is an openly gay wrestler...

01:38:45.000 That blows dust in people's faces. 1.00

01:38:48.000 Shut the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:38:48.000 And his name is Gold Dust. 1.00

01:38:50.000 No fucking way! 0.99

01:38:52.000 There he is right there. 1.00

01:38:53.000 Oh my god!

01:38:54.000 This is real?

01:38:56.000 Yeah, dude.

01:38:56.000 This is in the WWE? That's Dustin Rhodes, a third generation wrestler.

01:39:00.000 What's going on with his dick? 1.00

01:39:02.000 That's Gold Dust power, baby. 1.00

01:39:04.000 You've heard of horsepower.

01:39:05.000 This is like related to Dusty Rhodes?

01:39:07.000 Yeah.

01:39:08.000 How did you know about Dusty Rhodes? 0.99

01:39:10.000 Well, I used to be eight when this shit made sense. 0.99

01:39:13.000 Thank you, Justin. 0.99

01:39:17.000 This guy's real?

01:39:19.000 Please, I need to see more.

01:39:20.000 I can't believe I invented a guy that already exists.

01:39:22.000 Yeah, you should be writing this.

01:39:25.000 That's him in his entrance outfit when he takes off the wig and robe and he psychs his opponents out. 0.99

01:39:31.000 He flirts with them in the ring and shit, like blows them kisses, and they get all riled up and then he can beat them with shit because they're like all... 1.00

01:39:39.000 I'm not gay! 1.00

01:39:39.000 Get away from me! 1.00

01:39:40.000 And he's like, oh yeah, come here, beautiful.

01:39:42.000 Do you think that the WWE should hire Michael Sam as soon as he's done with the Dallas Cowboys?

01:39:49.000 He's the openly gay NFL player.

01:39:50.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:39:52.000 Apparently he's not good enough to make the team.

01:39:53.000 They're just bringing him for the practice squad. 0.99

01:39:55.000 They need to bring that dude into WWE and actually fuck a guy on TV. Well, him and Goldust. 1.00

01:40:01.000 Yeah, but Goldust is faking it.

01:40:03.000 I can tell.

01:40:03.000 Look at him.

01:40:04.000 That guy's straight.

01:40:04.000 Yeah, he's super straight.

01:40:06.000 He's super straight.

01:40:07.000 That's the Cat Whisperer guy, isn't it?

01:40:09.000 The same actor guy as the Cat Whisperer?

01:40:11.000 What's the cat whisperer?

01:40:12.000 The TV show.

01:40:13.000 What's that?

01:40:14.000 It's a show where it's like the dog whisperer but for cats.

01:40:17.000 Oh god, really?

01:40:19.000 Here's how you fix a cat.

01:40:21.000 Rocks.

01:40:24.000 Yeah, Dusty Rhodes is his dad, and he has a brother named Cody Rhodes.

01:40:28.000 Funk!

01:40:29.000 Problem solved.

01:40:30.000 I actually have a coyote issue in my neighborhood now.

01:40:33.000 Uh-oh.

01:40:34.000 Because I have so many chickens, these coyotes are circling my house on a daily basis.

01:40:38.000 Every time I come home, there's coyotes around my gate now. 1.00

01:40:40.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:40:41.000 Creepy fuck. 1.00

01:40:41.000 Do your chickens ever wake up in the middle of the night and wake you up? 1.00

01:40:44.000 No.

01:40:45.000 Chickens don't wake up at night.

01:40:46.000 They sleep all night.

01:40:47.000 In fact, I can go in the chicken house at night and just pick them up.

01:40:50.000 They're just sitting there.

01:40:51.000 You just grab them.

01:40:52.000 I pick them up and move them.

01:40:53.000 They make a little more...

01:40:54.000 In South Central, they just...

01:40:59.000 All night long.

01:41:00.000 Or is that roosters?

01:41:01.000 Roosters.

01:41:01.000 Yeah, that's...

01:41:03.000 Mexican guys love...

01:41:05.000 I don't say this, you know, I'm not generalizing.

01:41:09.000 Generalizing.

01:41:11.000 Generalizing, but a lot.

01:41:13.000 Like, my friend.

01:41:14.000 My friend, I don't want to say his name.

01:41:15.000 He's an older gentleman that happens to be a guy I've known for decades.

01:41:19.000 Mexican dude.

01:41:20.000 He keeps roosters in his yard.

01:41:23.000 Like, he has...

01:41:25.000 I want to say he has a hundred chickens.

01:41:27.000 It's close to a hundred chickens.

01:41:29.000 Wow.

01:41:29.000 And he uses them for fighting.

01:41:31.000 Like they gamble on it.

01:41:33.000 It's just been a part of their culture for as long as they can remember.

01:41:38.000 A hundred chickens.

01:41:39.000 They have like an arena.

01:41:40.000 He has like a barn.

01:41:41.000 And his friends come over.

01:41:43.000 They cook a goat.

01:41:44.000 They cook goats.

01:41:46.000 And it's really crazy.

01:41:48.000 That's also a normal part of their culture.

01:41:51.000 And he was renting a house once. 0.92

01:41:53.000 And he was telling me this story of how ridiculous it was. 0.66

01:41:56.000 And he was like, they got in trouble for butchering a goat. 0.79

01:41:59.000 Because someone called it in on them.

01:42:01.000 And the landlord said, you can't do that.

01:42:03.000 You can't butcher a goat.

01:42:04.000 He's like, it's not because we left it alone.

01:42:07.000 So we didn't cut it open and just leave the guts out so the neighborhood smells it.

01:42:11.000 He's like, we eat it.

01:42:13.000 And he goes, but I could cook hamburgers in my yard and no one would have a problem with it.

01:42:17.000 But this goat, I know how healthy it is.

01:42:22.000 I know that it's good meat.

01:42:24.000 I know how fresh it is.

01:42:25.000 We kill that goat and then they roast it.

01:42:27.000 They have a barbecue and a bunch of guys would come over and they would eat goat and get drunk and have rooster fights.

01:42:37.000 Wow. 0.99

01:42:37.000 We think it's fucked up, but it's a total normal part of their culture. 0.99

01:42:42.000 And they eat the chickens. 0.99

01:42:44.000 I mean, after it's all over, it's kind of fucked up, because they do make these chickens fight to the death. 0.89

01:42:48.000 But after it's over, they turn them into soup. 0.95

01:42:51.000 So it's like...

01:42:52.000 You know, part of me says it's animal cruelty.

01:42:55.000 The biggest part.

01:42:57.000 Like, my gut reaction.

01:42:59.000 I look at that.

01:42:59.000 Should that be legal?

01:43:01.000 That's kind of a fucked up thing to do. 1.00

01:43:03.000 It's kind of a fucked up thing to put razor blades in the end of a chicken's foot, stick them in a cage with another chicken, they fuck each other up. 1.00

01:43:08.000 Yeah, they should just do fake chicken fighting. 1.00

01:43:10.000 So you have a gay chicken come out in the blonde wig. 1.00

01:43:14.000 Alright guys, I lost you on that pitch. 0.99

01:43:18.000 It's gotta be real chicken.

01:43:20.000 I just can't believe this gold guy is real.

01:43:22.000 I came up with a guy who blows dust, fairy dust on people.

01:43:25.000 You know his dad.

01:43:25.000 You named it Dusty Rhodes.

01:43:27.000 Yeah, but I didn't know that he existed.

01:43:28.000 And he's got a brother named Cody Rhodes who just made the jump to being Stardust.

01:43:34.000 Which is the...

01:43:35.000 He's like another version of Goldust.

01:43:38.000 Except now they roll together. 0.97

01:43:41.000 So he's gay too? 0.78

01:43:42.000 No, Stardust is more like just like about the cosmos.

01:43:46.000 And like, whoa, I just can't believe all the magical things.

01:43:51.000 So he's high!

01:43:52.000 Yeah.

01:43:53.000 So he's like a stoner.

01:43:54.000 Stoned the gills.

01:43:55.000 Oh, that's so funny.

01:43:56.000 Except he's just, I don't know, you never know.

01:43:58.000 Do you think that it's possible that Tony could get me to like pro wrestling?

01:44:01.000 Yes.

01:44:01.000 I know for a fact, dude.

01:44:03.000 I know the exact matches, the videos, the moves, the everything that would interest you.

01:44:08.000 I don't see too much real.

01:44:10.000 There's some crazy submission moves that...

01:44:12.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:44:13.000 That's the last thing.

01:44:15.000 Let me tell you something.

01:44:16.000 That's the last thing you want to show me.

01:44:20.000 That'll get me angry.

01:44:21.000 I'll be like, that wouldn't work.

01:44:22.000 There's no defense here.

01:44:24.000 He used to hip escape.

01:44:25.000 He can get out of there.

01:44:26.000 Nothing drives me crazier than a fake submission move in a movie. 1.00

01:44:30.000 That shit drives me nuts. 1.00

01:44:32.000 You know I stopped watching Dexter? 1.00

01:44:35.000 Because fucking, what's his name from Third Rock? 1.00

01:44:38.000 John Lithgow. 1.00

01:44:39.000 John Lithgow had this chick in a rear naked choke in a bathtub and he killed her that way. 1.00

01:44:43.000 And I was like, oh my god, that's the worst fucking rear naked choke I've ever seen. 1.00

01:44:48.000 That's so fake. 0.99

01:44:49.000 She's not even red.

01:44:50.000 I'm done.

01:44:51.000 And I shut it off.

01:44:52.000 I walked out of the room in disgust.

01:44:53.000 And I never watched another episode of Dexter again.

01:44:56.000 Wow. 1.00

01:44:57.000 Yeah, you can't show me a fake rear-naked choke, you fucks. 1.00

01:45:00.000 That makes me angry. 1.00

01:45:02.000 That's like if you were watching a Jimi Hendrix biopic.

01:45:07.000 Not a biopic, but one of those movies where it's a fake, like an actor plays Jimi Hendrix.

01:45:13.000 I guess that's a biopic, right?

01:45:14.000 And some dude didn't know how to play guitar, and he's like...

01:45:17.000 And you're like, no, you're not doing it!

01:45:21.000 You're not doing it at all!

01:45:22.000 You're not playing guitar! 1.00

01:45:23.000 That's what John Lithgow's shitty fucking rear-naked choke did for me. 0.99

01:45:27.000 The only reason I think you would maybe like it in the future is that you like UFC so much and MMA and Jiu Jitsu so much and Tony gets it together with a bunch of people and watches it. 0.98

01:45:39.000 A lot of them watch it as a joke, where Tony, I think, takes it a little bit too serious.

01:45:42.000 No, no, we all watch it as a joke.

01:45:45.000 I'm not buying this joke.

01:45:47.000 I just see and recognize what's entertaining about it, and I do like the ideology of stunning an arena of people.

01:45:55.000 Sometimes that happens.

01:45:57.000 It can happen.

01:45:58.000 You have to look at the reactions of the people.

01:46:01.000 This show is a three-hour job interview for you.

01:46:06.000 This is like your audition tape. 1.00

01:46:08.000 They should fucking hire you. 0.99

01:46:10.000 They should figure out any way they can. 0.99

01:46:12.000 I need you to pull this up.

01:46:14.000 Where are you, Vince? 1.00

01:46:15.000 Listen, take the needle out of your ass and hire this guy. 1.00

01:46:19.000 You're crazy not to. 1.00

01:46:20.000 You should have seen the looks on these people's faces when Brock Lesnar beat The Undertaker.

01:46:24.000 Nobody thought it was going to happen.

01:46:26.000 Oh my god, what did they do, Tony?

01:46:28.000 Imagine if on Saturday... 1.00

01:46:30.000 The fuck is wrong with you? 1.00

01:46:32.000 Nobody thought it was going to happen! 1.00

01:46:34.000 It was amazing! 0.99

01:46:35.000 It was fake as fuck, dude. 0.99

01:46:37.000 But nobody thought it was going to happen. 0.99

01:46:40.000 A lot of things are fake that nobody thought was going to happen.

01:46:43.000 Tony...

01:46:44.000 Time, time, time.

01:46:45.000 Imagine if that guy who filled in for Burrell on Saturday and he took on Dillashaw, imagine if in the miracle he was able to somehow land a punch on Dillashaw and beat him.

01:46:57.000 The place would have been, I mean, well, it's sort of weird because that's Sacramento and that's Dillashaw's hometown, but I'm just saying, like, in a neutral field, that would have been stunning and everybody would have known that they just witnessed history.

01:47:08.000 Tony, that would have been real.

01:47:09.000 Right, it would have been real, too.

01:47:11.000 It would have really happened.

01:47:12.000 It would have really knocked out a professional athlete, two guys who've trained to fight their entire lives.

01:47:18.000 Right.

01:47:18.000 It's real.

01:47:19.000 Right.

01:47:20.000 Right, I understand that. 1.00

01:47:23.000 You're so crazy. 0.96

01:47:23.000 By the way, this stuff isn't... 0.96

01:47:25.000 You're trying to sell insurance here.

01:47:26.000 No, I'm not.

01:47:27.000 I understand where your concerns are, but let me just show you the details of our policy. 1.00

01:47:33.000 You're a crazy person. 0.99

01:47:35.000 No. 1.00

01:47:36.000 I'm telling you why there's millions and millions of WWE fans.

01:47:40.000 Yeah, and I'm telling you why maybe Hunter S. Thompson was just a couple of decades off when he was predicting the end of the world.

01:47:47.000 Those guys, I mean, it's not easy.

01:47:49.000 For example, Brock was furious when Vince told him that he wanted him to beat The Undertaker that day.

01:47:55.000 Like, in real life.

01:47:56.000 I bet he was, and you were there to see it.

01:47:59.000 No, but I talked to somebody who was.

01:48:00.000 Oh, I bet he was honest with you.

01:48:02.000 It's not like they lie all day, every day.

01:48:05.000 Hmm, Tony's gonna talk to some people.

01:48:07.000 Let me tell you.

01:48:07.000 Well, I'll tell you what.

01:48:08.000 Brock was actually mad.

01:48:10.000 He was really mad. 1.00

01:48:11.000 He had read the script, and he's like, this is bullshit! 1.00

01:48:15.000 I'm not beating the fucking Undertaker! 1.00

01:48:17.000 Some of the guys that work, unlike the technical side for the UFC, work for the WWE. I heard Brock was crying. 0.99

01:48:24.000 That's what I heard.

01:48:26.000 Brock went to the hospital with the Undertaker.

01:48:29.000 Because he cried so hard he dehydrated himself.

01:48:31.000 After that match.

01:48:32.000 They had to give him an IV to replenish his tears.

01:48:34.000 Because he thought he killed the Undertaker from that concussion.

01:48:38.000 It was bad. 1.00

01:48:39.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

01:48:40.000 It was bad. 1.00

01:48:41.000 It was real.

01:48:42.000 The concussions are real.

01:48:43.000 You can't...

01:48:44.000 I don't even buy that.

01:48:45.000 I don't even buy it was a real concussion.

01:48:46.000 Okay.

01:48:47.000 They probably faked a concussion.

01:48:48.000 They can't.

01:48:49.000 They've got to take the undertaker to the hospital.

01:48:52.000 He's got a boo-boo.

01:48:53.000 It wasn't even on the...

01:48:55.000 It's a real boo-boo, folks. 0.99

01:48:56.000 If you don't think it's a real boo-boo, I'll show you the fucking band-aid on it. 0.99

01:48:59.000 Ha ha ha ha. 1.00

01:49:03.000 Ha ha ha.

01:49:04.000 Ha ha ha.

01:49:07.000 Are you talking to my four-year-old?

01:49:09.000 It's like you're pitching something to my four-year-old.

01:49:11.000 Yeah, it is a boo-boo!

01:49:12.000 It is a boo-boo!

01:49:15.000 It needs a Band-Aid!

01:49:17.000 Honey, he's not even bleeding.

01:49:19.000 You don't need a Band-Aid.

01:49:20.000 I want a Band-Aid!

01:49:22.000 Okay, will Band-Aid make you feel better?

01:49:24.000 We'll get you a Band-Aid.

01:49:25.000 They took the Undertaker and put a Band-Aid on him. 1.00

01:49:28.000 He's wearing a fucking bandit! 1.00

01:49:30.000 And Tony Hinchcoff in a gold suit holding the script. 1.00

01:49:32.000 I can't believe it's a real boo-boo!

01:49:35.000 He's jumping up and down in circles.

01:49:38.000 And Vince McMahon is standing there shaking his head.

01:49:40.000 The color of purple. 0.99

01:49:43.000 All fucking pent up with rage. 0.99

01:49:46.000 That's how I wrote it. 0.99

01:49:52.000 Oh, so much fun.

01:49:55.000 By God, it's a boo-boo!

01:49:56.000 Look at the band-aid!

01:49:57.000 It's real!

01:49:58.000 It's a real band-aid, ladies and gentlemen, if you doubt it! 0.99

01:50:01.000 What else do you like that sucks? 0.99

01:50:04.000 Let's see, what else do I like that sucks? 0.99

01:50:10.000 I guess I play fantasy football. 0.95

01:50:13.000 I don't talk about that a lot. 1.00

01:50:15.000 Well, fantasy football is at least based on fucking football! 0.99

01:50:19.000 Right. 0.99

01:50:20.000 Which is a real game!

01:50:21.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:50:21.000 People are really trying, and shit really happens. 0.98

01:50:24.000 But nobody knows what's gonna happen in real sports.

01:50:26.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:50:27.000 Isn't that part of what makes it exciting, you fucking weirdo? 0.99

01:50:30.000 Same thing about the WWE. Bullshit! 1.00

01:50:32.000 You don't know what's gonna happen! 1.00

01:50:35.000 You don't know what's gonna happen.

01:50:36.000 You predicted it!

01:50:38.000 No, the writer knows what's gonna happen.

01:50:40.000 Oh, the writer knows.

01:50:41.000 It's not real.

01:50:43.000 It's like a play.

01:50:44.000 Do you like plays?

01:50:44.000 I know it's like a play.

01:50:45.000 Do you go to musicals?

01:50:46.000 No.

01:50:47.000 Wrestling is gayer than musicals.

01:50:49.000 How about that?

01:50:50.000 That doesn't make sense.

01:50:52.000 Sure it does.

01:50:53.000 Those dudes are hugging, they get all sweaty, they're laying on each other, and it's not real.

01:50:59.000 Okay.

01:51:03.000 I mean, after musicals, guys are banging.

01:51:05.000 How do you know?

01:51:07.000 I don't know if they're banging.

01:51:08.000 I don't go to those things.

01:51:10.000 I'm not in that world.

01:51:12.000 You've seen a musical, right?

01:51:13.000 Yeah, I've seen a bunch of musicals. 0.82

01:51:14.000 Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, by the way, but musicals are gay. 0.88

01:51:18.000 They just are. 0.91

01:51:19.000 It really is.

01:51:20.000 It really is.

01:51:21.000 Unless it's a humorous musical.

01:51:23.000 Yeah.

01:51:23.000 Even then, it's even then.

01:51:25.000 Yeah, he made someone kiss his ass, right? 1.00

01:51:28.000 Uh... 1.00

01:51:29.000 That's someone else.

01:51:30.000 That's a Photoshop, isn't it?

01:51:31.000 Yeah, that's...

01:51:31.000 That's not the real photo.

01:51:33.000 Who is that guy that's kissing his ass? 1.00

01:51:35.000 That's a fake guy. 1.00

01:51:36.000 Who is that?

01:51:37.000 There's probably one of you out there.

01:51:39.000 Just go look for it.

01:51:40.000 Right.

01:51:40.000 That's the thing about the internet, man.

01:51:42.000 There's a photo of you out there somewhere. 1.00

01:51:44.000 Someone's Photoshopped a dick in your mouth. 1.00

01:51:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:51:46.000 Or you kissing an ass, or you doing something ridiculous. 1.00

01:51:49.000 Been over a Mustang. 1.00

01:51:50.000 But why did he do that as a challenger?

01:51:53.000 Why did he do that? 1.00

01:51:54.000 Why he pulled his pants down and made someone kiss his ass on TV? Probably. 1.00

01:51:59.000 That sounds like something he would do.

01:52:00.000 But he did.

01:52:01.000 You know it.

01:52:01.000 Why are you pretending you didn't watch that one?

01:52:04.000 I think that was over like 12, 13 years ago, something like that.

01:52:08.000 You weren't there yet, huh?

01:52:10.000 No, I can't remember.

01:52:12.000 I can't remember.

01:52:13.000 I don't believe it.

01:52:14.000 I think you're being mocked.

01:52:15.000 That may have been during the period. 1.00

01:52:18.000 You made a bunch of guys kiss his ass. 1.00

01:52:19.000 Look at that. 1.00

01:52:21.000 This guy's hilarious. 1.00

01:52:23.000 It's just like, fuck your brother backyard wrestling kind of gay. 1.00

01:52:26.000 Look how many people in the audience, though. 1.00

01:52:28.000 That's insane.

01:52:29.000 Plus, it's been winning the Monday Night Cable Wars for over 20 years.

01:52:33.000 Think about that for a second.

01:52:34.000 Every Monday night it wins.

01:52:36.000 Every single Monday night.

01:52:38.000 They pulled TNA, though.

01:52:39.000 They pulled TNA from Spike TV. That's Vince's competition.

01:52:44.000 What's the problem with TNA? Just not good now?

01:52:47.000 Everything's terrible.

01:52:48.000 They're just completely... 1.00

01:52:49.000 It's an ass? 0.99

01:52:50.000 It's not even in the same... 0.99

01:52:51.000 No, no, that's what it should be, Brian, but it's not.

01:52:54.000 It's not even in the same ballpark.

01:52:56.000 What is it?

01:52:56.000 Well, they used to have, like, a lot of MMA guys would do it.

01:52:59.000 Like, King Mo was in TNA, and Rampage was in TNA. It's not good?

01:53:03.000 No.

01:53:04.000 No?

01:53:04.000 What's wrong with it?

01:53:05.000 Bad writing, bad everything.

01:53:06.000 Could you go over there?

01:53:07.000 Maybe, maybe.

01:53:08.000 No, I don't want to.

01:53:10.000 You don't turn down the WWE and go to TNA. Listen, you could be the fucking mogul. 1.00

01:53:14.000 What if they give you a piece of the action? 0.99

01:53:16.000 What if TNA said, listen, we heard you on the Joe Rogan podcast.

01:53:18.000 We like the way you think about wrestling.

01:53:20.000 I think this organization still has some life.

01:53:23.000 And we're willing to cut you in on this.

01:53:26.000 Give you 10% of the action.

01:53:28.000 Own 10% of TNA. I'm pretty sure 10% of the TNA wouldn't even get me what I would have made with the WWE. You son of a bitch.

01:53:35.000 Yeah, they just lost their TV deal. 1.00

01:53:37.000 They don't have a TV deal?

01:53:39.000 Yeah, they're done.

01:53:41.000 Well, maybe they'll get picked up by Lifetime.

01:53:43.000 Vince McMahon beat Ted Turner.

01:53:45.000 What is Ted Turner?

01:53:47.000 CNN? CNN, TNT, TBS. He threw Ted Turner at open checks that he would just sign any wrestler back in...

01:53:55.000 They were having wars.

01:53:57.000 Monday nights, they'd go against each other.

01:53:59.000 Vince, WWE on the USA Network, and TNT had Nitro.

01:54:04.000 And Ted Turner said, whatever we need to do to beat Vince McMahon, we'll write the check to whoever.

01:54:09.000 So they offered...

01:54:10.000 They bought Hulk Hogan, they bought all these...

01:54:11.000 He believes this!

01:54:12.000 He believes this!

01:54:12.000 I was there.

01:54:13.000 I was in the room.

01:54:14.000 No, I didn't say I was there.

01:54:15.000 He said he was willing to spend whatever it takes.

01:54:18.000 That sounds like a plot.

01:54:20.000 Like a plot in like a wrestling...

01:54:21.000 These are too different.

01:54:22.000 No, I'm...

01:54:22.000 This is where it's real.

01:54:25.000 This part's real.

01:54:26.000 That's the problem.

01:54:26.000 You've cried wolf through this whole podcast.

01:54:28.000 I never said it was real.

01:54:30.000 You told us about Santa Claus.

01:54:31.000 You just keep repeating that it's not real.

01:54:34.000 I'm agreeing with you.

01:54:35.000 And now you're trying to tell us that the boogeyman's real.

01:54:37.000 That's what you're doing.

01:54:39.000 I don't think wrestling's real.

01:54:41.000 I said that I was gonna write it.

01:54:44.000 How much did Ted Turner spend?

01:54:46.000 Millions and millions to buy the guys that were already developed from the WWF. He bought all their biggest guys.

01:54:52.000 Like who did he buy?

01:54:53.000 Hulk Hogan.

01:54:55.000 Macho Man Randy Savage.

01:54:57.000 You know Macho Man.

01:54:58.000 Dusty Rhodes.

01:54:59.000 I know Macho Man because I'm a Slim Jim fan.

01:55:02.000 Right?

01:55:02.000 Oh yeah!

01:55:03.000 Snap into a Slim Jim.

01:55:06.000 Dusty Rhodes.

01:55:07.000 He bought them all.

01:55:07.000 And how did it do?

01:55:09.000 They ended up winning the wars for a bunch of weeks in a row.

01:55:13.000 They did.

01:55:14.000 Ted Turner did.

01:55:15.000 Yeah, for like a year in a row.

01:55:16.000 Whoa.

01:55:18.000 But then, Vince bought Mike Tyson and made him ref a match at WrestleMania with Steve Austin and Shawn Michaels, and then it dominated, and the rest is history.

01:55:26.000 That's it?

01:55:27.000 One move?

01:55:28.000 Yep.

01:55:28.000 You know that's all it takes sometimes, is one move?

01:55:31.000 Like, Hugh Grant being on a Tonight Show was what won the Tonight Show The Rating War.

01:55:36.000 It was like this raiding war, and then Jay Leno got Hugh Grant on after Hugh Grant got busted with a skanker. 0.81

01:55:43.000 As Dom Herrera would say, skanker. 0.77

01:55:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:55:47.000 Skanker, black prostitute. 1.00

01:55:49.000 Dicker skanker. 1.00

01:55:50.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:55:50.000 Remember that chick? 0.98

01:55:51.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:55:52.000 She was advertising online as a hooker for the longest time. 0.97

01:55:57.000 I don't know if she still is, but an escort. 1.00

01:56:00.000 This was the girl who got arrested with Hugh Grant that you could fuck her. 1.00

01:56:03.000 That was the selling point. 1.00

01:56:06.000 And that one thing, when Jay Leno had him on the couch, he goes, what the hell were you thinking?

01:56:11.000 Right.

01:56:12.000 Yeah.

01:56:13.000 That one on the Rennies war.

01:56:14.000 Isn't that amazing how that happens like that?

01:56:16.000 Crazy.

01:56:17.000 Why do you ugh? 0.96

01:56:18.000 Because it's amazing that, you know, I just like David Letterman a lot more than Jay Leno, and to think that, you know, using some scum buckets, scummy life as a launching pad, that Jay can pass up a guy like Letterman and...

01:56:35.000 By scumbucket, scummy life, you mean awesome dude who takes crazy chances that are entertaining like Hugh Grant.

01:56:42.000 Really? 0.96

01:56:42.000 If it wasn't for that, a lot of people got a lot of enjoyment out of the fact that he got busted with a hooker. 0.96

01:56:48.000 I don't think it's good, what he did, but I don't necessarily think it's bad either.

01:56:53.000 He wanted something dangerous in his life.

01:56:55.000 He's a movie star. 1.00

01:56:57.000 He's living this fucking ridiculous life. 1.00

01:56:59.000 He has that beautiful woman for a wife. 1.00

01:57:02.000 What was her name?

01:57:03.000 The same chick who was involved recently, Elizabeth Hurley, remember? 0.99

01:57:08.000 God damn, she was hot. 1.00

01:57:09.000 Ridiculously hot. 1.00

01:57:11.000 He's like, I don't care. 0.59

01:57:12.000 I need something dangerous.

01:57:14.000 I need something dangerous.

01:57:16.000 He got a street walker.

01:57:17.000 What did Eddie Murphy do?

01:57:19.000 Trans.

01:57:20.000 Does anybody talk about that?

01:57:21.000 How does that never get brought up anywhere?

01:57:24.000 It gets brought up.

01:57:24.000 There's a reason why Eddie Murphy doesn't go on stage anymore.

01:57:26.000 I guarantee you that they're probably connected.

01:57:29.000 It's gotta be, right?

01:57:30.000 That's gotta mess with them.

01:57:32.000 Dude, I was at a comedy show with Charlie Murphy, and some dude was heckling from the audience, like heckling Charlie Murphy.

01:57:40.000 And Charlie was, Charlie got real with the guy. 0.99

01:57:44.000 The guy said something to him, and Charlie was like, yeah, yeah, listen, that's my brother, and I'll fuck you up. 0.99

01:57:51.000 It was really that simple. 0.95

01:57:54.000 It was like all the comedy got dropped, and then the dude was in the audience, and he realized it was only about 30 or 40 feet between him and Charlie Murphy.

01:58:02.000 That's a real person.

01:58:04.000 You can't just mock a guy's brother like that and not expect something to go wrong.

01:58:09.000 Yeah.

01:58:10.000 My friend, I won't say his name, but was one of the police officers that was involved in one of those altercations.

01:58:18.000 With Eddie Murphy.

01:58:19.000 Where he was helping a gentleman home, a gentleman that likes to dress as ladies. 0.99

01:58:25.000 And he was just trying to help somebody out.

01:58:27.000 No big deals.

01:58:28.000 Eddie Murphy was.

01:58:29.000 Yes, big misunderstanding.

01:58:30.000 And your friend's a cop.

01:58:31.000 My friend...

01:58:32.000 Was he a Beverly Hills cop?

01:58:33.000 He worked for a police force.

01:58:35.000 I don't believe it was Beverly Hills.

01:58:37.000 But I get it.

01:58:39.000 Okay.

01:58:41.000 Banana in the tailpipe! 0.99

01:58:43.000 Ha ha ha!

01:58:46.000 It's a banana in the tailpipe trick.

01:58:50.000 For me, as a comic, like as a young comic, I can't imagine how guys, like we talked about this yesterday with Dom, how guys just stop.

01:58:59.000 Like with Steve Martin, they just stop.

01:59:01.000 But to be a guy like Eddie Murphy and stop, if you ever go back and watch Eddie Murphy Delirious...

01:59:08.000 It's hard because it's difficult for those things to hold up today like they did back then.

01:59:13.000 But when I was a kid in like whatever year it was, maybe it was like 86 or something like that where Eddie Murphy Delirious came on, he was a destroyer of worlds.

01:59:22.000 He was so funny.

01:59:24.000 We were over at my friend Jimmy Lawless' house and watching it with Jimmy and John Bataraco and John's sister and I think A bunch of people there.

01:59:32.000 We were crying laughing at Eddie Murphy Delirious.

01:59:36.000 We couldn't believe how funny it was.

01:59:37.000 It was just insane.

01:59:38.000 Oh my god, it's the funniest.

01:59:39.000 This is before I ever even thought about doing stand-up comedy.

01:59:42.000 The idea that that guy is still around.

01:59:44.000 By the way, looks fantastic.

01:59:47.000 Yeah, I was going to say, that's the red leather, right?

01:59:49.000 Yeah.

01:59:50.000 No, I mean, today looks fantastic.

01:59:52.000 Eddie does.

01:59:52.000 I saw Eddie Murphy in Maui about two years ago.

01:59:55.000 Just totally random.

01:59:57.000 I was there with my family, and I ran into Eddie's cousin at the desk, at the check-in desk.

02:00:03.000 And I was like, what's up, dude?

02:00:04.000 What are you doing? 0.99

02:00:04.000 He's like, oh shit, Charlie's here. 0.99

02:00:06.000 You know, go say hi. 0.99

02:00:07.000 So we went over and said hi, and he's with Eddie Murphy.

02:00:09.000 Eddie Murphy looks like he's 30 years old.

02:00:10.000 Wow.

02:00:11.000 I mean, I don't know how old he is now.

02:00:12.000 He's got to be in his 50s, right?

02:00:14.000 Yeah.

02:00:14.000 Because when I was 18 or something like that, 19, Delirious came out, and he's got to be like 24 or 25 back then, so he's got to be in his 50s.

02:00:24.000 He looks fucking great. 0.87

02:00:26.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:00:26.000 So whatever he's doing, keep it up. 0.97

02:00:29.000 Wow.

02:00:31.000 Yeah.

02:00:32.000 It's black skin, too, though.

02:00:34.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:00:34.000 Black people have... 0.97

02:00:35.000 Black don't crack, you know? 0.99

02:00:37.000 It's true. 0.74

02:00:37.000 They have way better aging. 0.74

02:00:39.000 Like, really blonde folks, you know, like those really Nordic-looking... 1.00

02:00:44.000 Those motherfuckers wrinkle up like an old catcher's mitt. 1.00

02:00:47.000 Yep. 1.00

02:00:48.000 Just turns in on itself. 0.98

02:00:50.000 It's oily skin, and dark skin, too, because that dark skin doesn't get fucked up by the sun. 0.98

02:00:56.000 You know? 0.98

02:00:57.000 Melanin? 1.00

02:00:58.000 Melanin protects you from all the shit that white people are always worried about. 1.00

02:01:01.000 You know, they're always putting fucking sunscreen on. 1.00

02:01:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:01:04.000 That's why, like, look at Oprah.

02:01:06.000 How old is she? 0.98

02:01:07.000 She looks great.

02:01:08.000 With makeup on.

02:01:10.000 In real life, you don't think so?

02:01:11.000 Ooh! 0.96

02:01:14.000 No.

02:01:16.000 If people saw what Oprah looked like in real life, she'd be dealing with the next WWF superstar. 1.00

02:01:26.000 Isn't it amazing that Oprah is one of the few people that's gotten by, like few people that's a woman, without ever selling herself as a sexual object? 0.99

02:01:38.000 You got like your Barbara Walters characters, you got like your news people, and you got Oprah.

02:01:45.000 Well, she's never had a choice, right?

02:01:47.000 She's never... 0.89

02:01:47.000 It's pretty easy to not be a sex object when you can't be a sex object. 0.89

02:01:54.000 She's like one of the main points against the only way a woman gets on television. 1.00

02:01:59.000 She's like the biggest fucking... 1.00

02:02:01.000 If you had a deal... 1.00

02:02:04.000 You gotta, like, look at biggest stars.

02:02:06.000 Like, biggest stars in the country.

02:02:07.000 She's top ten out of everyone doing everything.

02:02:10.000 Whether they're singers, whether they're actors.

02:02:13.000 Top ten!

02:02:14.000 And, I mean, she's done some acting, like she was in The Color of Purple, but you can't really call her an actor, you know?

02:02:19.000 She's really just a personality.

02:02:21.000 And just from being a personality, she's one of the most famous people ever.

02:02:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:02:26.000 Tony, would you fuck Oprah or Ellen? 1.00

02:02:30.000 Um, I... Or both. 1.00

02:02:32.000 Have you had a choice between either or or both?

02:02:34.000 It would have to be Ellen.

02:02:36.000 I mean, it's like a no-brainer.

02:02:38.000 Either or or both?

02:02:39.000 Have you seen Oprah with no makeup?

02:02:40.000 No.

02:02:41.000 But have you done ecstasy?

02:02:45.000 Have you ever done ecstasy?

02:02:46.000 I think you'd do both.

02:02:48.000 No, I wouldn't be able to do Oprah.

02:02:52.000 Joe's in love with Oprah.

02:02:54.000 I love Oprah.

02:02:55.000 It depends.

02:02:56.000 Am I in Oprah's $30 million compound?

02:03:01.000 I might be a little more easily swayed.

02:03:03.000 Do you think you would be like a girl would be if she went over a guy's house and he picked her up in a Lamborghini and drove her to his castle?

02:03:08.000 I'm pretty sure Oprah's a billionaire with a B, man.

02:03:11.000 There's something a little bit hot about that.

02:03:13.000 Isn't it?

02:03:13.000 There you go.

02:03:14.000 Look at that.

02:03:14.000 There she is.

02:03:15.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:03:16.000 For all of you that have ever wanted to bone Rampage Jackson. 1.00

02:03:22.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:03:23.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

02:03:28.000 I can't believe you. 1.00

02:03:32.000 You're a terrible person. 0.99

02:03:35.000 I've always made fun of people. 0.99

02:03:36.000 I like picking on people.

02:03:38.000 You almost play a character.

02:03:39.000 You play kind of like a evil person.

02:03:42.000 So you're almost playing a wrestler in real life.

02:03:46.000 Yeah.

02:03:47.000 I like picking on people.

02:03:49.000 That's my move.

02:03:51.000 That's your move?

02:03:51.000 If you're a wrestler, you'd be the guy that gets under everybody's skin?

02:03:55.000 Yeah.

02:03:56.000 Sticks and stones.

02:03:58.000 They break your bones, but my words will hurt you.

02:04:01.000 I want to take you back, Tony.

02:04:05.000 Do you remember this?

02:04:06.000 Oh yeah, I do remember this.

02:04:09.000 So clearly.

02:04:12.000 Wow.

02:04:13.000 This is an interesting time to drop this on me.

02:04:21.000 Wow. 1.00

02:04:24.000 Now, to most people, this is just shitty fucking music. 1.00

02:04:29.000 People were complaining so hard on my message board yesterday that I played this. 1.00

02:04:35.000 I love it.

02:04:35.000 I was like, I understand The Grateful Dead now.

02:04:39.000 I really do get it.

02:04:41.000 I never got what everybody was into with The Grateful Dead until I did DMT with this playing in the background.

02:04:49.000 By the way, a fighter comes out to this music. 1.00

02:04:52.000 That fighter in the ring's like, fuck, man. 1.00

02:04:54.000 I don't want to fucking fight this guy. 1.00

02:04:56.000 This is some shady shit. 1.00

02:04:57.000 This guy's got extra... 1.00

02:04:59.000 packing some extra confidence.

02:05:01.000 I worked out to this.

02:05:02.000 Really?

02:05:03.000 Yeah.

02:05:04.000 Yeah, it put me in a weird place, man. 0.99

02:05:07.000 Plus, I was high as fuck when I did. 0.94

02:05:10.000 Yeah, you can get high and listen to this, and it takes you really close to that place. 0.99

02:05:15.000 That's what's fucked up.

02:05:17.000 It's like you have some weird memory of psychedelic trips, but when you have a psychedelic trip that's connected to music, and then you hear the music again, it recalls some of the psychedelic trip. 0.91

02:05:30.000 I remember specifically.

02:05:31.000 The last time I heard this song, I was watching 70 Popes do the robot. 0.92

02:05:37.000 Popes.

02:05:37.000 Pope hats.

02:05:39.000 Wow.

02:05:40.000 Anyway.

02:05:45.000 There goes that WWE writing gig right there.

02:05:50.000 No, you're gonna come in as the wizard now.

02:05:52.000 You're gonna come in as the shaman.

02:05:55.000 You're going to bring in shamans to change the course of events.

02:05:59.000 Yeah.

02:06:00.000 That's pretty intense, huh?

02:06:02.000 Tony didn't have any plans on doing DMT either until we went to Texas.

02:06:07.000 Until 40 minutes before it happened.

02:06:11.000 Yeah.

02:06:11.000 Yeah, you weren't sure if you were going to do it or not.

02:06:13.000 Yeah.

02:06:14.000 I didn't bring it up.

02:06:15.000 I brought it up right before.

02:06:17.000 You want to do this?

02:06:18.000 And he was like, what?

02:06:19.000 Huh?

02:06:19.000 Which is the best way to do it.

02:06:21.000 Don't think about that shit. 1.00

02:06:23.000 Just dive in. 1.00

02:06:24.000 Especially DMT. Yeah.

02:06:26.000 But if you're worried about it, don't do it.

02:06:28.000 Right.

02:06:29.000 But you did it.

02:06:30.000 Anything that lasts 10 or 15 minutes, I could always do.

02:06:34.000 Yeah, but that 10 or 15 minutes will change everything.

02:06:38.000 Yeah.

02:06:39.000 So much fun.

02:06:42.000 What was surprising about it?

02:06:48.000 Just the overall visions and craziness and the mellow chillness of everything and it was just a very cozy environment and everything.

02:07:00.000 The experience.

02:07:01.000 What did you expect versus what it actually was?

02:07:07.000 I didn't expect much.

02:07:09.000 I don't know anything about it.

02:07:10.000 So, I don't know anything about it going into it.

02:07:14.000 That's really crazy.

02:07:15.000 Yeah.

02:07:16.000 I just knew that I had done mushrooms four days before.

02:07:20.000 So, I'm like, alright.

02:07:21.000 It's perfect.

02:07:22.000 You were primed.

02:07:23.000 Here we go.

02:07:24.000 Yeah, as a part of Ari Shafir's Shroom Fest.

02:07:27.000 Which is, by the way, growing.

02:07:28.000 People are doing it all over the world now.

02:07:30.000 When he announces that, people get on shrooms all over the world during that same week.

02:07:35.000 We had so much fun, man.

02:07:37.000 That night that I went there, there was a meteor shower.

02:07:41.000 An all-out meteor shower.

02:07:42.000 And it was like a planned thing all over the news.

02:07:44.000 Like, meteor shower tonight, if you just so happen to look at the right time, and we're out in the middle of the desert, we're...

02:07:50.000 You see a shooting star on a non-meteor shower night once every few minutes.

02:07:55.000 And this was just a shower of meteors with a supermoon, because that's what he scheduled Shroomfest around.

02:08:02.000 So supermoon, meteor shower, lightning storm miles away, and one patch of the desert, just lightning, crazy beautiful bolts.

02:08:12.000 And clouds, supermoon, and then when the sun came up, you know, it's that weird desert thing where it's still dark on one side and there's a moon, and then the sun coming up on the other, and a nice warm shower rain started.

02:08:26.000 We were just like in heaven.

02:08:27.000 We were just cracking up for seven hours straight.

02:08:30.000 It was insane.

02:08:31.000 And I've done three shroom fests with Ari, and I've always said, you know, it's better than Christmas.

02:08:37.000 It's the best holiday.

02:08:39.000 There's something beautiful about getting together with a bunch of people and having that kind of an experience together.

02:08:44.000 Just wish you could do it without actually having to take something.

02:08:48.000 It's funny, but McKenna had an interesting take on that.

02:08:51.000 He's like, you know, people that want to do it naturally, you know, people want to do it through yoga or meditation, he's like, I, he goes, I don't ever want to be able to access these places accidentally.

02:09:03.000 Right.

02:09:03.000 He goes, like, they're so titanically alien.

02:09:06.000 I want to take something that gets me there.

02:09:09.000 And his take on it was that everybody has this problem with taking a psychedelic.

02:09:14.000 That the idea of letting go and taking something is just too scary.

02:09:18.000 Because we always hear about people overdosing, which certainly can happen with a lot of drugs.

02:09:22.000 Doesn't happen with most psychedelics, but people do have adverse reactions.

02:09:27.000 They do freak out.

02:09:29.000 It can absolutely happen. 0.97

02:09:31.000 But his take on the idea of trying to get there without the drug, he was like, it's so silly.

02:09:40.000 You know you can get there instantaneously with the drug, but everybody always wants to do it on their own.

02:09:46.000 I can do it naturally.

02:09:48.000 I've talked to people that are against psychedelics but want to achieve psychedelic states.

02:09:53.000 And everyone's like, I can get there naturally.

02:09:55.000 I'm like, I don't know if you can.

02:09:56.000 You might be able to get there, but you can't stay there.

02:09:59.000 Like, I've done transcendental meditation.

02:10:01.000 I've worked hard.

02:10:02.000 There's been a couple periods in my life where I worked hard at it, and just like any muscle, you get better at it.

02:10:07.000 And yeah, if you get good at it, and you're into it, and you're in the right setting, 20, 30 minutes in of going over and over again, You're gone into that type of state, but your brain immediately goes, whoa, you're in that state, come back, and you're back.

02:10:22.000 You're like, whoa, I was just somewhere for two seconds.

02:10:25.000 I think you can get there, but you can't really stay there like you can with some help.

02:10:31.000 Right, but is that because you're not a practice guru or a practice traveler in those mental worlds?

02:10:39.000 Isn't it possible that there could be a way?

02:10:42.000 The thing that gives me hope is Kundalini.

02:10:44.000 Because my friend Denny...

02:10:46.000 He's a Kundalini instructor and he's practiced it for years and he's done a bunch of psychedelics as well.

02:10:54.000 He told me that he's able to achieve those states, that he can get to a state of hallucination, like psychedelic hallucination.

02:11:00.000 He can literally get to a state where his mind starts pumping out psychedelic chemicals.

02:11:05.000 He says, it's not easy, though.

02:11:07.000 But he's been doing it every day for years.

02:11:10.000 Wow.

02:11:10.000 And he can get there.

02:11:11.000 So I think when someone like you says, you know, you get there, but then you go, oh my god, I can't believe I'm there.

02:11:17.000 I can totally relate to that.

02:11:19.000 Because I've been in there in the isolation tank before.

02:11:22.000 There was one time I was in the isolation tank.

02:11:25.000 Where I had this crazy hallucination that I was in some weird tribe, and these people in this tribe were talking in a language that was completely foreign, but I could understand it.

02:11:37.000 And I was even thinking in their language, and then I realized it.

02:11:40.000 I was like, oh my god, I'm thinking in their language, then boop! 0.99

02:11:42.000 Woke right up and it was over, but I'll never forget that because that moment I was like it seems so fun like that I could possibly venture into some completely alien civilization Alien to me where I didn't know anything about how they were talking I didn't know anything but I could understand it and it was almost like this window of To what communication really is.

02:12:08.000 That communication, although languages vary and although cultures vary, there's a thing that's going on when you're communicating.

02:12:17.000 Like when you and I are talking right now, there's a thing that's going on and you can tap into that thing.

02:12:22.000 Whatever that thing is, you can tap into that thing and you do it with language.

02:12:26.000 But in my...

02:12:29.000 Yeah.

02:12:39.000 Yeah.

02:12:40.000 Yeah.

02:12:50.000 Were, they were reflecting in my mind.

02:12:55.000 I was giving interpretations on those noises.

02:12:57.000 And those noises were like, they were normal for like a normal communication.

02:13:03.000 Like, hey, we've got to go down the river and we've got to pick up some water and be careful because there's a snake that someone saw that's near this log. 0.99

02:13:10.000 It was like that kind of shit. 0.99

02:13:11.000 But it was in a completely different, you know, some weird fucking language. 1.00

02:13:16.000 Right. 0.98

02:13:17.000 But it's always the same thing.

02:13:18.000 Whenever you have something that's really trippy that happens when you're meditating or really trippy that happens when you're dreaming, it's very difficult to stay in that state and not go, oh my god, I'm having a lucid dream.

02:13:30.000 Right.

02:13:30.000 And then you wake up.

02:13:31.000 Yeah.

02:13:32.000 It's hard to do all that stuff.

02:13:34.000 One of the interesting things about Shroomfest, when you're doing it with a bunch of comedians and you forget that You know, you're out in the desert with seven guys, and sometimes you're all sort of like spread out on a mountaintop, you know what I mean?

02:13:47.000 And sometimes we're together laughing, but sometimes we would like break apart, and then you forget.

02:13:52.000 Everything that's happening, and then all of a sudden, something hilarious happens.

02:13:56.000 You know, like, at one point, one guy was like, and we're in the middle of the desert, like, phones don't even work out there. 0.83

02:14:02.000 But out of nowhere, you just hear, because it's so quiet, it's a beautiful, quiet desert, and you just hear one guy go, oh shit, I just got a Tinder match. 0.75

02:14:10.000 Everybody just started dying. 0.99

02:14:14.000 Out in the desert, he's trying to get laid.

02:14:16.000 Oh, exactly.

02:14:17.000 And I mean, so far away from civilization.

02:14:20.000 Yeah.

02:14:20.000 It's so funny, like, guys and their desire to get laid.

02:14:24.000 I wonder if girls have the same sort of conversations, like constantly trying to figure out how, like single girls, how they can get some dick. 1.00

02:14:31.000 It's one of the things that really annoys me sometimes. 0.99

02:14:37.000 If a buddy's too horny, it annoys the shit out of me. 0.80

02:14:40.000 The worst is if you have a friend where that supersedes everything. 0.97

02:14:44.000 Yeah.

02:14:44.000 You go out with them, and you're supposed to all be hanging out together, and they'll leave if they get a booty call.

02:14:50.000 They'll leave if they get a text.

02:14:51.000 Drives me crazy.

02:14:52.000 I thought we were hanging out.

02:14:52.000 They're swiping on Tinder, or they're just...

02:14:56.000 Jamie, this motherfucker, the entire time... 1.00

02:14:59.000 We're in Denver. 1.00

02:14:59.000 He never put his phone down. 1.00

02:15:01.000 But I was encouraging that. 0.98

02:15:01.000 I'm preparing for my fucking comedy special, and he's in the green room going over his Tinder matches. 0.98

02:15:06.000 I was guilty of encouraging that, though. 0.99

02:15:08.000 He's like, you think she really looks like this? 1.00

02:15:10.000 I'm like, get the fuck away from me! 1.00

02:15:15.000 Joe, you're shooting your special in 10. 9. Joe, what do you think about this chick? 1.00

02:15:19.000 Is this too much makeup?

02:15:20.000 Just be honest.

02:15:21.000 She's a kindergarten teacher. 0.97

02:15:23.000 Oh, she's probably a freak. 1.00

02:15:27.000 What is it? 1.00

02:15:28.000 Tinder is like the number one, and then there's Grindr for the gay folks. 1.00

02:15:32.000 Is there one that's for people that are not sure?

02:15:39.000 Anything good.

02:15:40.000 I'm in the middle of, I don't know, I don't know what I'm looking for.

02:15:43.000 What do you got to offer?

02:15:45.000 What's for sale?

02:15:46.000 I'm not sure what I want for lunch.

02:15:47.000 What's on the menu?

02:15:52.000 Anybody that'll take anything.

02:15:55.000 Yeah.

02:15:56.000 But the desperation, the desperation to hook up.

02:16:00.000 Crazy.

02:16:01.000 And another thing is, I can tell the comedians that do stand-up comedy just to get girls. 0.76

02:16:07.000 Guys that didn't get laid in high school and college, that figured out later on that, wait a second if I make people laugh and I go on stage...

02:16:15.000 The people that do it just for chicks.

02:16:17.000 That's annoying to guys who are trying really hard to be an actual stand-up, right?

02:16:21.000 Right.

02:16:22.000 Right.

02:16:23.000 Exactly.

02:16:24.000 Those guys never write.

02:16:26.000 Exactly.

02:16:27.000 They have the same bits. 0.99

02:16:28.000 And once they have bits that work, they stick to those fucking things like glue. 0.99

02:16:31.000 Forever. 1.00

02:16:32.000 And you're like, where's your new shit, man? 1.00

02:16:35.000 Never gonna see it. 1.00

02:16:36.000 Yep.

02:16:37.000 That's a trap, huh?

02:16:38.000 Mm-hmm.

02:16:40.000 Whenever you think about other motivations other than the work itself, the work itself suffers.

02:16:46.000 They said they did this thing, they did this study on motivations and the motivation of doing good work versus the motivation of just trying to make money and they found that the least success was achieved when you had a combination of the both because then you'd be really distracted.

02:17:06.000 The least results, the worst results were when someone was like, I want to do good work, but I want to make a lot of money.

02:17:13.000 So how do I do the work, make it good, but try to make a lot of money?

02:17:18.000 That was the worst results.

02:17:20.000 And the best results were achieved when they didn't think about the money at all, but concentrated entirely on doing good work.

02:17:25.000 Yeah.

02:17:27.000 No doubt about it.

02:17:28.000 I mean, I was always, you know, the first three or four years of me doing stand-up moving out here, I came out here with a carry-on Bag and, like, $40 cash.

02:17:38.000 Rolled into a job at a restaurant, you know.

02:17:42.000 But I had nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.

02:17:44.000 And had I, when I started stand-up, dwelled and thought about the fact that I'm crashing on my brother's couch, and then, you know, then I was renting out a couch in another buddy's living room, you know what I mean?

02:17:56.000 Had I thought about how this isn't normal and, you know, this sucks, I never would have been able to write another joke.

02:18:02.000 And I had to write everything, everything I've written...

02:18:04.000 I mean, everything I wrote back then, I wrote while completely broke and struggling.

02:18:09.000 So it's like, you gotta just ignore it.

02:18:12.000 Isn't it fascinating, though, that you can only really have that kind of position when you're young?

02:18:16.000 When you're young, people accept it.

02:18:19.000 It seems normal. 1.00

02:18:20.000 But if you found out that a dude was 40, and he was living on his brother's couch trying to make it as a comedian, you're like, oh, you poor piece of shit. 1.00

02:18:27.000 Yeah, that's a different situation. 0.99

02:18:28.000 Well, you know, I really never found what I was looking for until last year.

02:18:32.000 And I decided to quit my job.

02:18:34.000 I had a job at UPS. It was a good job.

02:18:36.000 I was in sales.

02:18:37.000 And then, boom.

02:18:38.000 This poor guy's on someone's couch trying to grind it out as a stand-up comic.

02:18:42.000 Yeah.

02:18:42.000 You can't do it then.

02:18:44.000 For sure.

02:18:44.000 It's hard even when you're in the later 20s.

02:18:47.000 Start getting into your 30s and people go, oh, come on, man.

02:18:50.000 Right.

02:18:50.000 Might be time to bail on this.

02:18:53.000 Yeah.

02:18:54.000 Gotta do something.

02:18:56.000 Gotta supplement that income somehow.

02:18:58.000 Yeah, the supplement the income, that's one thing, but the idea of the grand struggle of trying to make it as an actor.

02:19:05.000 Say someone's 45, they decide, I'm going to be an actor. 0.98

02:19:08.000 Good fucking luck, man. 0.99

02:19:10.000 Right. 1.00

02:19:10.000 Good luck. 1.00

02:19:11.000 Right.

02:19:12.000 You're going to start at 45? 0.99

02:19:14.000 Do you know how many fucking people are out there trying to be actors? 0.99

02:19:17.000 Right. 0.99

02:19:17.000 Most 45-year-olds they're going to be auditioning against for the same part of a 45-year-old have been acting for 25 years. 0.99

02:19:24.000 Yeah, they started off as a teenager.

02:19:26.000 Good luck beating them in your audition.

02:19:29.000 That's one thing that we have that we're so fortunate as a stand-up comic that you create your own stuff, you deliver your own stuff, you design it, you execute it, you produce it.

02:19:40.000 All of it is done by Tony Hinchcliffe.

02:19:42.000 When you get up there, it's 100% a Tony Hinchcliffe production.

02:19:46.000 Mm-hmm.

02:19:47.000 Whereas, like, if you were even in a band, you'd have to deal with all the other dudes in the band, and, you know, man, when am I going to do my drum solo? 0.99

02:19:54.000 Like, oh, this fucking drum solo. 0.92

02:19:56.000 Having to decide the words of the lyrics and win the... 1.00

02:19:59.000 all that stuff.

02:20:01.000 That's why bands can't last at all.

02:20:03.000 All my buddies that were supposed to be huge rock star, the couple friends that I had that are gurus on an electric guitar, can play it. 0.98

02:20:13.000 Fucking just... 0.97

02:20:14.000 This, this, behind the back, everything, and they can play anything. 0.99

02:20:18.000 They're still in Youngstown, rotating new band members every one to two years.

02:20:22.000 Hey, Tone, check out my new band. 1.00

02:20:24.000 This is Computer Box Dreams.

02:20:26.000 Hey, check out my new band.

02:20:28.000 This is Buddha's Mystery.

02:20:30.000 Check out my new band, Brick Wall Extreme.

02:20:33.000 You know, it's like, dude...

02:20:34.000 Brick Wall Extreme.

02:20:36.000 It's like, you gotta...

02:20:39.000 Go solo.

02:20:40.000 Go solo. 0.96

02:20:41.000 Get rid of these rubes, and... 0.75

02:20:43.000 Yeah, it's tough.

02:20:44.000 A band's crazy.

02:20:45.000 You think of a movie, people don't realize every single credit that they see at the end of a movie is somebody that could have ruined the movie.

02:20:54.000 Almost everybody has, if they don't pull their weight, if the script supervisor sucks, that could ruin a great editor's work, or vice versa.

02:21:04.000 An editor can ruin a director, a director can ruin a producer.

02:21:10.000 Everybody has to pull their weight, whereas with stand-up, it's a one-man machine. 0.66

02:21:15.000 Yeah, and it's also, like, you travel light, you don't need a bunch of shit that you have to take with you to the airport, you know, it's just so much, it's still hard to do. 0.68

02:21:28.000 But at least you get undeniable.

02:21:32.000 You can get good.

02:21:34.000 There's guys that we know that are totally broke, that are open micers, that hang around with us.

02:21:39.000 They're in the same group.

02:21:40.000 When you show up at the comedy clubs, and then there's shows, and there's open mic shows, and there's regular shows, there's bringer shows, everybody interacts with each other.

02:21:49.000 We interact with guys that are just starting out.

02:21:51.000 We interact with guys that have been doing it for years. 0.97

02:21:54.000 And if you're fucking good, man, if you get those three minutes and you crush those three minutes, people want to put you on your show. 0.95

02:22:01.000 And it might take a few years, but... 0.98

02:22:03.000 Couple years later, you know, you're crushing, you're doing 10 minutes, you're crushing, you're doing 15 minutes, you're crushing, you're bombing, you come back better, you crush, you write, you keep doing it, you get undeniable.

02:22:14.000 But if you're in a band, you're never undeniable.

02:22:17.000 Right.

02:22:17.000 Because there's some music that you are not interested in.

02:22:22.000 Like, if you were a guy who wants to be a fucking country music guy... 0.92

02:22:26.000 You can make music all day, but if you're in the wrong place, if they don't like your kind of stuff, you never become undeniable. 0.98

02:22:36.000 You can make people laugh.

02:22:37.000 It's pretty universal.

02:22:39.000 If you're a good comic and you have 300 people there, those 300 people might have widely different tastes when it comes to what kind of music they like, what kind of food they eat, but you can get all 300 of them to laugh.

02:22:51.000 Mm-hmm.

02:22:52.000 With something they've never heard before.

02:22:54.000 To get all 300 of them to really, truly enjoy a song?

02:22:59.000 Very hard.

02:23:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:23:02.000 It's tough working with other people.

02:23:06.000 That's really the thing.

02:23:08.000 Being in a band is hard, man.

02:23:11.000 I can't even imagine having to put up with somebody's artistic opinion for everything that you're going to end up representing.

02:23:19.000 Somebody telling you what they think?

02:23:22.000 Yeah, I'm trying to text Dom Irera to see if I can get him to send us that song so we can close with it.

02:23:30.000 What did he do?

02:23:30.000 He wrote a song?

02:23:31.000 Yeah.

02:23:32.000 Does he sing in it?

02:23:34.000 Yeah.

02:23:34.000 And it sounds really professional.

02:23:36.000 It sounds like a real song that you would hear.

02:23:38.000 It's really weird.

02:23:39.000 Really?

02:23:40.000 Yeah.

02:23:41.000 Dom Herrera?

02:23:42.000 It's good, dude.

02:23:43.000 I'm telling you.

02:23:44.000 I didn't even know he was in that realm whatsoever.

02:23:47.000 Neither did I. It sounds like a joke.

02:23:48.000 He's always been a Beatles fan.

02:23:49.000 Oh, yeah. 0.97

02:23:50.000 I mean, he's always been into music, but it's fucking good. 0.93

02:23:54.000 I was like, whoa, this is weird. 0.95

02:23:56.000 But he's such a good comic.

02:23:58.000 When someone's that good, I would imagine that anything that he does, essentially, could be great.

02:24:04.000 You know what I mean?

02:24:05.000 All you have to do is focus on it.

02:24:07.000 Trying to get him to quit drinking.

02:24:09.000 He brought it up.

02:24:11.000 I didn't bring it up.

02:24:12.000 He brought it up yesterday.

02:24:13.000 He's like, I drink too much.

02:24:14.000 I wake up every day drunk.

02:24:15.000 Well, it's good.

02:24:16.000 Better than what he said the first time he was on when he was talking about pills all the time and stuff.

02:24:20.000 Remember that?

02:24:20.000 Xanax.

02:24:21.000 Xanax, yeah.

02:24:21.000 Still on that.

02:24:23.000 But he takes the Xanax in the morning, and then by the time the Xanax wears out, that's when he hits the booze.

02:24:30.000 Wow.

02:24:31.000 He's so funny.

02:24:32.000 He's hilarious.

02:24:33.000 It was so fun having you and him on Kill Tony together at the Ice House.

02:24:37.000 Yeah, we were talking about that.

02:24:38.000 We were talking about how fun that is.

02:24:39.000 Yeah.

02:24:40.000 Yeah.

02:24:40.000 That's the, one of the most beautiful thing also about comedy is the camaraderie.

02:24:44.000 Yeah. 0.97

02:24:45.000 The fucking around with other comedians, you know? 0.99

02:24:47.000 Like when we're on the road, dude. 0.98

02:24:48.000 I mean, we do all these gigs together and it's, it's annoying that you gotta go to airport, to hotel, this, that.

02:24:53.000 But it's fun.

02:24:54.000 We're laughing.

02:24:54.000 Oh, yeah.

02:24:56.000 What'd you say about Sacramento? 1.00

02:24:58.000 Oh yeah, I said Sacramento is a puppy mill for porn stars. 1.00

02:25:03.000 It's just where they just kick them out. 0.97

02:25:06.000 These chicks just come out wearing little sweatpants that say juicy on the back, cute little butts, and too little of a shirt, strolling through the airport, all looking like they're taking the next flight to... 1.00

02:25:18.000 LA just to land directly in the valley.

02:25:21.000 There's a certain look when you go to Burbank, if you leave Burbank to Vegas, you can play that game, which one's a stripper?

02:25:30.000 You can play that game, which girls are going to the Rhino? 1.00

02:25:34.000 There's a lot of gals that live in LA and go to Vegas and make a shit ton of money there over the weekend and then fly back to LA. And I'm not hating.

02:25:43.000 I'm not mad at them.

02:25:45.000 But it's fun to pick them out.

02:25:46.000 Yeah.

02:25:47.000 And it's pretty easy, too.

02:25:49.000 They always wear droopy sweatpants like they're playing it down like we're not supposed to notice.

02:25:53.000 Yeah, right?

02:25:54.000 Yeah.

02:25:55.000 Yeah, they don't wear, like, sexy clothes. 0.99

02:25:56.000 Like, oh, he's so tired of dudes fucking staring at their box. 0.99

02:25:59.000 Right. 1.00

02:26:00.000 Well, all the ugly girls, they try to dress up. 1.00

02:26:04.000 And those ones try to dress down, but it's too obvious because they try too hard to dress down. 0.97

02:26:09.000 Oh, I'm just wearing a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants, you know?

02:26:14.000 Yeah, it's important.

02:26:16.000 They're giving up their hand, right?

02:26:18.000 Mm-hmm.

02:26:20.000 But sweatpants are hot on a girl. 1.00

02:26:21.000 Super cute.

02:26:22.000 You see that little butt flap, you know, where the cloth, like, sort of curls up right underneath the butt cheeks?

02:26:27.000 Mm-hmm.

02:26:27.000 Oh, a girl in sweatpants is so much better than a hot chick in jeans, you know what I mean?

02:26:31.000 I mean, I'm saying both hot chicks, but I'm saying I'd prefer a hot chick in sweatpants than jeans, because it's not the same.

02:26:37.000 You can't feel the... 1.00

02:26:38.000 Well, if you grab a girl's ass in sweatpants, it feels like you're grabbing a girl's ass. 1.00

02:26:41.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:26:41.000 Or if you grab a girl's ass in tight jeans, it's like you're holding on to something that's restrained. 1.00

02:26:47.000 Right. 1.00

02:26:48.000 You know?

02:26:48.000 It's like a straight jacket.

02:26:51.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:26:51.000 You've got a straight jacket on your pussy. 1.00

02:26:52.000 Right. 1.00

02:26:55.000 Thick, thick canvas straight jacket that you've stuffed your fucking box into. 1.00

02:27:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:27:01.000 You know, your legs are skin tight.

02:27:03.000 Like, girls never wear, like, these kind of jeans, like loose jeans. 0.99

02:27:06.000 Nobody wears those.

02:27:07.000 Right.

02:27:08.000 They wear jeans where they can barely walk.

02:27:10.000 Yeah.

02:27:10.000 They're just shoved into them.

02:27:13.000 Yeah.

02:27:13.000 How often do you see a girl with baggy jeans?

02:27:16.000 It's super rare.

02:27:17.000 I don't know.

02:27:18.000 When is the last time I saw Esther Pavitsky?

02:27:21.000 Ha ha ha ha ha ha! 0.99

02:27:23.000 I haven't heard a fucking peep about her. 0.99

02:27:25.000 What's going on with little Esther? 0.99

02:27:27.000 Last time I heard she was working with a Nicole Richie. 1.00

02:27:29.000 She's doing a lot of MTV stuff, isn't that right?

02:27:32.000 Yeah.

02:27:32.000 Tony talks to her more probably.

02:27:34.000 What is she doing?

02:27:35.000 She just made a pilot and she's working it. 0.50

02:27:42.000 Just doing her thing.

02:27:44.000 Doing spots at the store.

02:27:47.000 What's the big pause?

02:27:48.000 Look down, look up? 0.83

02:27:49.000 Big pause, look down, look up?

02:27:51.000 Just admiring this glowing rock.

02:27:56.000 There's a thing that I tweeted earlier today.

02:28:01.000 In one of its kind study, an international team of neuroscientists and robotic engineers have demonstrated the viability of direct...

02:28:09.000 Brain-to-brain communication in humans.

02:28:12.000 And recently published in some study in PLOS-1.

02:28:21.000 The novel findings describe the successful transmission of information via the internet between the intact scalps of two human subjects located 5,000 miles apart.

02:28:33.000 Whoa.

02:28:34.000 They wanted to find out if one could communicate directly between two people by reading out the brain activity from one person and injecting brain activity into the second person. 1.00

02:28:49.000 That's fucking nuts, man. 1.00

02:28:53.000 Whoa. 0.99

02:28:55.000 So, what they're essentially saying is, through the internet, they're sending information directly from brain to brain.

02:29:03.000 So what we were talking about earlier, that's real.

02:29:05.000 Like, they literally are going to be able to directly transmit, like, I'm going to be able to look at you and send you a message, and won't even be able to have to say anything, I'll send you a message, and that message is going to go to your brain. 0.99

02:29:18.000 Like, I'll have an idea, like, check out this motherfucker. 1.00

02:29:21.000 It's... 1.00

02:29:21.000 It's going to show up in your brain, check on this motherfucker, and you're like, exactly. 1.00

02:29:24.000 We're not even going to have control over thinking a hundred years from now. 0.99

02:29:29.000 They're just going to create tools. 0.84

02:29:31.000 Who are they, though? 0.99

02:29:33.000 They are going to be subject to the same shit that we're subject to. 0.99

02:29:36.000 Like, this idea that there's a giant cabal of people that are going to be able to control this. 0.99

02:29:41.000 That might be the most ridiculous aspect of conspiracy theories.

02:29:45.000 Yeah. 0.92

02:29:45.000 One of the most ridiculous aspects of conspiracy theory. 0.92

02:29:47.000 That Russian oligarchy thing really happened. 0.88

02:29:49.000 You said that.

02:29:50.000 And that's why I'm wondering.

02:29:51.000 That's murder, dude.

02:29:52.000 They murdered a bunch of people.

02:29:53.000 That's a lack of communication. 0.92

02:29:54.000 They killed people.

02:29:56.000 Oh.

02:29:56.000 I mean, this is in the 90s.

02:29:57.000 This is pre-internet that all this shit went down. 0.99

02:29:59.000 Right. 1.00

02:30:01.000 The internet is essentially what's blowing back against them right now. 0.89

02:30:05.000 But that's more like a fucking Game of Thrones type scenario than it is someone not being able to control information software or information technology like this. 0.74

02:30:16.000 This is a completely different sort of a thing. 0.96

02:30:19.000 I just wonder what we're going to be like a thousand years from now.

02:30:25.000 We're going to be completely unrecognizable.

02:30:27.000 The concept of what life is is going to be unrecognizable.

02:30:31.000 And the idea of privacy is going to be hilarious.

02:30:34.000 Yeah.

02:30:36.000 Yeah.

02:30:37.000 It's going to be hilarious.

02:30:40.000 There's no privacy.

02:30:41.000 Stop.

02:30:42.000 We're the last people to experience privacy.

02:30:44.000 Until something happens, until there's some sort of a crash, like a civilization crash, like asteroidal impact, super volcano, massive earthquake, some power shutdown where things go back to normal, we're going to be the last people that experience privacy,

02:31:00.000 like real true privacy.

02:31:02.000 Yeah.

02:31:03.000 Yeah.

02:31:04.000 Have you ever gone somewhere where you got no cell phone signal and stayed there for days?

02:31:08.000 Yeah.

02:31:10.000 Where?

02:31:11.000 Joshua Tree.

02:31:13.000 But you can get phones out there.

02:31:14.000 You can get cell phones out there.

02:31:15.000 Not with Sprint.

02:31:17.000 You can't.

02:31:19.000 Is that true?

02:31:20.000 You guys with AT&T making calls?

02:31:22.000 Did you get jealous?

02:31:23.000 Same thing at the comedy store.

02:31:24.000 My phone barely works there.

02:31:26.000 Yeah, but that's because the comedy store is a vortex.

02:31:28.000 Yeah.

02:31:29.000 There's something going on there. 0.99

02:31:30.000 You could have full fucking four bars when you drive up that Hyatt parking lot, and then you look at your phone once you step into the fucking hollowed walls. 0.99

02:31:38.000 It's so true. 0.99

02:31:39.000 It is.

02:31:40.000 It's the paint.

02:31:40.000 It's so true.

02:31:41.000 Is it the lead paint?

02:31:42.000 Even the parking lot.

02:31:43.000 Even the parking lot.

02:31:45.000 There's nothing.

02:31:46.000 Oh.

02:31:46.000 Did you know that Paulie's trying to get people to stop smoking pot there?

02:31:49.000 I heard a rumor of this.

02:31:51.000 I haven't seen it directly.

02:31:52.000 I actually talked to Paulie yesterday for a moment in the parking lot.

02:31:56.000 I'm pretty sure I was smoking pot while talking to him.

02:32:01.000 How's he doing?

02:32:03.000 You know, he's Paulie.

02:32:06.000 He's a character, man.

02:32:09.000 Indeed.

02:32:10.000 So like Donald Duck or...

02:32:12.000 Yeah.

02:32:14.000 Yeah.

02:32:15.000 Like The Undertaker.

02:32:17.000 Are they really going to try to do that?

02:32:19.000 Try to get people to stop smoking pot at a comedy club?

02:32:22.000 That's just a rumor.

02:32:24.000 Absolutely impossible.

02:32:25.000 That is something that could never be done at the comedy store.

02:32:28.000 The last thing they want is their entire...

02:32:32.000 Line up out on the sidewalk smoking pot because they're not a loudsies to smoke pot wherever they want.

02:32:38.000 A loudsies.

02:32:40.000 Hilarious.

02:32:40.000 Maybe they should have a smoking lounge like they do at the airport.

02:32:43.000 They do have a smoking lounge at the Comedy Store.

02:32:45.000 It's called Everywhere Around the Comedy Store and inside of it.

02:32:49.000 Maybe they should have a card.

02:32:52.000 You swipe it.

02:32:53.000 You have a little membership.

02:32:54.000 You go in.

02:32:55.000 It's a hot box.

02:32:56.000 Everybody's in there barbecued.

02:32:58.000 You go in there.

02:32:58.000 Have you ever passed those smoking things, especially in Europe?

02:33:01.000 You don't realize how much people smoke in other countries. 1.00

02:33:05.000 Holy shit. 0.99

02:33:06.000 When I was in Germany, I took these photos of it because it didn't seem real. 0.99

02:33:10.000 And it had all these warnings on it.

02:33:12.000 It was like this smoking station where you could go into this, literally this glass box that they created at the airport.

02:33:19.000 These people went in and it was filled with smoke.

02:33:21.000 It was so bizarre.

02:33:23.000 Like we stopped.

02:33:23.000 It was me and Eddie Bravo.

02:33:24.000 We stopped and we looked at it.

02:33:26.000 We were like, look in there.

02:33:27.000 This is crazy. 1.00

02:33:29.000 Like these fucking people are, they're all like surrounding themselves with each other's smoke. 1.00

02:33:35.000 They're just sitting there. 1.00

02:33:37.000 It was really creepy.

02:33:38.000 I remember being at the Denver airport or somewhere, some airport a few years ago, and I'm at a layover, and I saw one of those, and I went inside, and it was exactly like the waiting room from Beetlejuice, like all these creepy people with something missing or something weird,

02:33:56.000 and they're just slowly smoking.

02:33:57.000 It's awful.

02:33:58.000 Remember that waiting room from Beetlejuice where the guy sprinkles dust on the guy's head and it shrinks?

02:34:03.000 Beetlejuice holds up, by the way.

02:34:05.000 Does it?

02:34:06.000 Oh, God.

02:34:07.000 Michael Keaton's best work, Tim Burton's best work, perhaps Danny Elfman's best work.

02:34:13.000 Well, Michael Keaton's best work, and you've seen Batman?

02:34:17.000 Yeah.

02:34:17.000 Yeah, well, that's also Tim Burton.

02:34:19.000 I mean, they went into that post-Beetlejuice.

02:34:22.000 Two different characters, by the way.

02:34:23.000 I mean, like, you know, they're both amazing works of art in two different takes from Michael Keaton.

02:34:29.000 What was the Michael Keaton one where he played a dude that was like, there's a hundred of them?

02:34:32.000 Multiplicity.

02:34:33.000 Oh, it's so funny.

02:34:35.000 Is it?

02:34:36.000 Oh, it's so funny.

02:34:37.000 Is it good?

02:34:37.000 Oh, yeah.

02:34:38.000 Yeah.

02:34:39.000 What about the other one, Johnny Dangerously?

02:34:42.000 Yeah.

02:34:43.000 Wasn't he in that?

02:34:44.000 Yeah, I don't think I've seen that, though.

02:34:45.000 Him and Joe Piscopo?

02:34:46.000 I've heard good things about it, but I don't think I've seen it.

02:34:49.000 My mother hung me up on a hook once. 0.80

02:34:50.000 Michael Keaton's a monster. 1.00

02:34:52.000 Your testicles and you. 1.00

02:35:16.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

02:35:19.000 Huh.

02:35:23.000 I haven't seen him in anything in a long time.

02:35:25.000 You know, it's weird when you see a guy like that and they kind of fade out a little bit.

02:35:29.000 Yeah.

02:35:29.000 Well, he's sort of chilling.

02:35:30.000 I'm pretty sure he likes living the mellow life.

02:35:38.000 What are you showing us, Brian?

02:35:40.000 Why'd you put this up?

02:35:42.000 What is that?

02:35:43.000 It's got a new movie.

02:35:44.000 That's Michael Keaton's movie?

02:35:45.000 Yeah.

02:35:45.000 Yeah, that's what I read.

02:35:46.000 What does it say?

02:35:47.000 Human foibles? 0.60

02:35:48.000 What?

02:35:48.000 Human foibles give Birdman its superhuman wings.

02:35:52.000 Foibles is a weird word to use.

02:35:54.000 Have you ever had anybody use it in a conversation?

02:35:56.000 I don't even know what that means.

02:35:57.000 And I'm a wordsmith.

02:35:58.000 I'm in the writer's guild.

02:35:59.000 How could you be a wordsmith and don't know what foibles means?

02:36:01.000 I have no idea.

02:36:02.000 I'm an honest wordsmith.

02:36:06.000 Foibles is a minor weakness or eccentricity in someone's character.

02:36:11.000 They have to tolerate each other's foibles.

02:36:15.000 Huh.

02:36:17.000 Joe, you don't remember this part in that movie we were just talking about? 0.99

02:36:21.000 Your testicles and you. 0.99

02:36:22.000 No, I don't remember. 0.99

02:36:23.000 I don't remember Johnny Dangerously that much.

02:36:25.000 It was really funny.

02:36:26.000 I kind of remember that now that I'm seeing it. 0.97

02:36:28.000 Yeah, it's just like guys walking around with huge balls. 0.82

02:36:31.000 It's guys with like... 0.97

02:36:32.000 Oh, yeah.

02:36:34.000 Teams of doctors are at work around the clock. 0.98

02:36:38.000 These guys whose balls grow too big, is that the idea? 0.97

02:36:41.000 Yeah, I think so. 0.99

02:36:41.000 That is real, man. 0.99

02:36:42.000 You ever seen those poor fucks where their balls swell up to the size of... 1.00

02:36:46.000 They've had them on television before. 1.00

02:36:47.000 Ari's got a weird nut. 1.00

02:36:49.000 Yeah.

02:36:50.000 You ever seen Ari's ball?

02:36:51.000 One ball?

02:36:53.000 Has he ever gone to the doctor about his ball?

02:36:56.000 He might just have rampant cancer.

02:36:58.000 Ignoring it.

02:36:59.000 Remember that video on the end of Jew Clam? 0.63

02:37:01.000 It had like Skittles in it.

02:37:04.000 It looked like a bunch of weird... 0.99

02:37:06.000 No, I don't have really any intense recollections of his balls. 0.98

02:37:10.000 That was a weird time period. 0.99

02:37:11.000 You're saying Ari's balls look like they had Skittles in them? 1.00

02:37:13.000 Yeah, if you look at Jew Clam. 1.00

02:37:15.000 Did you taste the rainbow?

02:37:17.000 Smell the rainbow.

02:37:19.000 He couldn't help himself.

02:37:21.000 Can't help himself.

02:37:23.000 Yeah, there's a...

02:37:23.000 I think he's in Michigan.

02:37:28.000 Yeah.

02:37:29.000 Who?

02:37:29.000 Michael Keaton.

02:37:30.000 Montana.

02:37:31.000 Is it?

02:37:31.000 Montana?

02:37:32.000 Yeah.

02:37:32.000 I read the amazing interview in Esquire, Michael Keaton.

02:37:36.000 I mean, it's crazy.

02:37:38.000 I couldn't believe how good it was.

02:37:39.000 I read it yesterday.

02:37:41.000 Really?

02:37:41.000 Ah, so good.

02:37:42.000 This guy's living a cool life, man.

02:37:44.000 And he's just a cool dude.

02:37:46.000 This journalist, you know, explains it like...

02:37:48.000 When I got the assignment, here's what happened.

02:37:51.000 And I talked to Michael Keaton's manager, and here's what he told me I should look into before I meet him.

02:37:56.000 Next thing you know, I'm on a plane, and Michael Keaton's calling me at 6.30 a.m.

02:38:01.000 Like, I hope it's not too early.

02:38:02.000 I'll meet you for lunch, ba-ba-dee-ba. 0.99

02:38:04.000 Like, Michael Keaton's just the man, pretty much, you know.

02:38:08.000 You're a big fan.

02:38:09.000 Oh, come on. 0.87

02:38:10.000 If anybody born in 1984, if you don't like Michael Keaton, then you know what?

02:38:16.000 Get out of the world.

02:38:17.000 Go to the ocean and just swim the direction not of land.

02:38:25.000 Just keep swimming until you're nothing.

02:38:28.000 If you're anti-Michael Keaton, you're anti everything that's good.

02:38:33.000 Beetlejuice, The Best Batman, Multiplicity. 0.98

02:38:36.000 He's a monster.

02:38:37.000 What is it, that movie he played, there was him and it was a couple that was renting him an apartment and he didn't want to leave. 0.99

02:38:46.000 Remember, he was like some crazy scammer.

02:38:49.000 It was like San Francisco. 0.84

02:38:51.000 It was about San Francisco because San Francisco has like insane real estate.

02:38:55.000 Remember that?

02:38:56.000 Yeah.

02:38:56.000 Yeah, I'll find it.

02:38:59.000 He, um, yeah, it was like, I forget the name of it, but I think it was with a dude from Vision Quest 2. Did you ever see that movie, Vision Quest?

02:39:08.000 The original Vision Quest, the wrestling movie?

02:39:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:39:11.000 Matthew Modine, remember?

02:39:12.000 I think he was in that movie.

02:39:14.000 Wow.

02:39:15.000 Night Shift?

02:39:16.000 No.

02:39:17.000 No.

02:39:18.000 I'll find it.

02:39:19.000 The Squeeze.

02:39:20.000 It was like Pacific something or another. 0.54

02:39:23.000 Pacific Heights?

02:39:24.000 Yeah.

02:39:24.000 Yeah, that's it.

02:39:25.000 That's it. 1.00

02:39:26.000 That was a good fucking movie. 0.99

02:39:27.000 He's been in a lot of... 0.99

02:39:28.000 He was in Noah's Ark.

02:39:30.000 The New Beginning.

02:39:31.000 He was a voice of Noah. 1.00

02:39:33.000 What kind of a piece of shit was that movie? 1.00

02:39:36.000 Was that the one we watched? 1.00

02:39:37.000 No.

02:39:38.000 We tried to watch, you should say.

02:39:40.000 We tried to watch the new Noah movie with Russell Crowe. 0.99

02:39:44.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:39:45.000 Shit was that bad. 1.00

02:39:47.000 And he only watched part of what was bad. 1.00

02:39:51.000 You didn't watch.

02:39:51.000 You gave up.

02:39:52.000 Yeah.

02:39:53.000 We all gave up.

02:39:54.000 Jamie gave up, too.

02:39:55.000 But I hung in there. 0.99

02:39:56.000 I fucking took more blows than both of you. 1.00

02:39:58.000 I tapped. 1.00

02:39:59.000 It was gross.

02:40:00.000 It was so bad.

02:40:02.000 And then it got to like, so it became, at first it was like, there was like monsters and stuff, like rock monsters and bad people and it was so like predictable and goofy.

02:40:12.000 But then when it got on the boat and when they were dealing with the flood, then it became like this weird, you know, sort of like when Walking Dead got all about people, you know, and everybody got kind of bummed out. 0.76

02:40:22.000 It's just like interpersonal shit between people. 0.99

02:40:25.000 That's what it is on this stupid boat with Noah. 1.00

02:40:28.000 You would think this story would have a better arc, but it just doesn't. 1.00

02:40:34.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

02:40:35.000 You can't help yourself! 1.00

02:40:36.000 I really can't.

02:40:37.000 You can't help yourself!

02:40:38.000 I can't.

02:40:40.000 So what's new in Tony Hinchcliffe's life?

02:40:41.000 What's cracking?

02:40:42.000 What do you got going on?

02:40:43.000 Just having fun, man.

02:40:44.000 Just did a lot of touring with you.

02:40:46.000 I'm really excited about some little things coming up, a little few writing projects that I already sort of pitched and waiting for the good word for that.

02:40:56.000 Really, I'm most excited about Kill Tony.

02:40:58.000 I care about it a lot, and I love it.

02:41:00.000 That should be a TV show. 0.98

02:41:01.000 It really should.

02:41:02.000 I just love it.

02:41:03.000 We're having so much fun every Monday.

02:41:05.000 The last ten episodes have been our best episodes.

02:41:07.000 It's running like a machine.

02:41:09.000 The room is packed every Monday.

02:41:11.000 There's buzz.

02:41:13.000 I feel like it's just fun and cool.

02:41:17.000 I'm bringing it to Columbus, Ohio, too.

02:41:19.000 Yeah.

02:41:19.000 Are you guys gonna do it live?

02:41:21.000 Yeah.

02:41:21.000 Now when you do it live, you're gonna use local comics?

02:41:23.000 Yeah.

02:41:24.000 How many comics do you have in Columbus?

02:41:26.000 A lot.

02:41:27.000 Yeah.

02:41:27.000 How many?

02:41:27.000 When I used to do open mic there, there was at least 50 comics that would sit there and we would all have to audition.

02:41:34.000 In front of other comics just to do three minutes. 0.99

02:41:37.000 No shit. 0.99

02:41:37.000 Fifty. 0.99

02:41:38.000 Yeah, there was a lot back then.

02:41:40.000 Wow.

02:41:40.000 I had no idea.

02:41:41.000 So many people, you know, ask.

02:41:44.000 They get a tweet a day at least.

02:41:46.000 Hey, bring it to Vancouver.

02:41:47.000 How do you pick?

02:41:49.000 Like, for folks who don't know how the show works, everybody goes up and does a minute.

02:41:52.000 How many comics do you have on a show?

02:41:54.000 Well, usually about 20 to 30 sign up and usually about 12 to 15 get on.

02:42:00.000 And you decide how many go on how?

02:42:03.000 It just depends.

02:42:04.000 See, that's the part of the format that's a little bit more loose is how long we spend on each person is totally dependent on how we feel with them up there.

02:42:12.000 Right.

02:42:13.000 So for folks who don't know, the person does a minute and then the professional comics goof on them.

02:42:18.000 Oh, we talk to them.

02:42:19.000 Maybe we try to coax them into writing a new bit by asking them questions about their life, where they're from, bah-ba-dee-bah. 1.00

02:42:26.000 Or goof on them.

02:42:27.000 Or goof on them, right. 0.88

02:42:29.000 We had a guy wearing what looked like cum-stained shorts on for his first movie.

02:42:33.000 He's like, I came here all the way from Tuscaloosa, Alabama to do my first set of stand-up.

02:42:37.000 And he's wearing these terrible shorts, and of course, I'm going to light him up.

02:42:42.000 He probably lives in Silver Lake and it's a character he's working on.

02:42:45.000 He's probably totally fake.

02:42:47.000 He's probably a hipster.

02:42:48.000 Right. 1.00

02:42:49.000 Just fucking with you. 1.00

02:42:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:42:50.000 Just decided to make an art piece out of doing really bad, obvious stand-up. 1.00

02:42:54.000 We used to make fun of people a lot harder.

02:42:56.000 Really?

02:42:57.000 Yeah.

02:42:57.000 What changed?

02:42:58.000 Death threats?

02:42:59.000 No.

02:42:59.000 Violence itself?

02:43:00.000 No, I think the show is a little bit cooler and more positive.

02:43:04.000 Something that I found out through the show, because I like making fun of people and roasting.

02:43:10.000 It's definitely a part of my...

02:43:13.000 Whatever.

02:43:14.000 Toolbox.

02:43:15.000 But I think the show organically grew.

02:43:19.000 I think it's more satisfying for somebody to come up with something that's genuinely funny and only they can do and try to figure out what that is in a short allotted amount of time.

02:43:30.000 It's like watching a baby being born.

02:43:32.000 Like a little comedy baby.

02:43:34.000 Like if, you know, whatever.

02:43:36.000 The guy's an Indian guy from whatever and it turns out to be I don't know.

02:43:42.000 We just had Sinbad also on recently and Jeff Garland.

02:43:45.000 And you guys did that at the Comedy Store, right?

02:43:47.000 Yeah.

02:43:48.000 Nice.

02:43:48.000 Yeah.

02:43:50.000 We've done most of the episodes out of there.

02:43:54.000 Every Monday 8 o'clock at the Comedy Store.

02:43:56.000 And if anybody wants to sign up, how far in advance do they have to get there?

02:43:59.000 That day?

02:44:00.000 That day?

02:44:00.000 Yep.

02:44:01.000 Just show up, do it.

02:44:02.000 Just show up.

02:44:02.000 That's the same way with the open mic there, right?

02:44:04.000 Still?

02:44:05.000 Yep.

02:44:05.000 It's one of the few places like that.

02:44:07.000 The lab factory signed up, but you have to wait in line, and then you're waiting in line for the next week, right?

02:44:12.000 Yeah.

02:44:13.000 So crazy.

02:44:14.000 Yeah. 0.98

02:44:15.000 Let's just torture people that are going to work for free for you. 0.83

02:44:19.000 Right. 0.58

02:44:20.000 Yeah.

02:44:21.000 Well, the idea is to make them work hard for some reason.

02:44:24.000 Make them earn it.

02:44:26.000 Yeah.

02:44:27.000 I don't get it.

02:44:28.000 You can just as easily have them go up that day.

02:44:31.000 And why do you have to have them wait in line?

02:44:33.000 Make them sign up and then pick from the people that sign up.

02:44:36.000 For the same reason that the Laugh Factory does everything that they do.

02:44:39.000 Because they think a line outside of their place makes them look busy.

02:44:42.000 That's how they do it.

02:44:43.000 That's why they'd rather not sell drinks on a patio or in a back bar or an upstairs or in anything.

02:44:51.000 They'd rather make it look like it's busy by putting a little line around the front.

02:44:56.000 That's their whole trick.

02:44:57.000 Yeah.

02:44:58.000 Oh yeah, there's something happening.

02:45:00.000 Look, there's people waiting on a sidewalk.

02:45:02.000 No, those are young comics standing in 95 degree heat for no reason for five hours a day.

02:45:08.000 Literally for hours and hours.

02:45:10.000 People will get there.

02:45:11.000 Yeah, I've passed by there.

02:45:13.000 I did Don Marrera's podcast and it was during the day.

02:45:16.000 And there was a bunch of people that were there.

02:45:18.000 Well, it was actually Eliza's podcast I did out of there recently during the day. 0.99

02:45:22.000 There was a bunch of people there just sitting there for no fucking reason. 0.98

02:45:24.000 And they have to stay there. 0.99

02:45:26.000 Which is like ensuring someone that they can't make a living.

02:45:29.000 Right.

02:45:29.000 Like, you don't require anything of them.

02:45:31.000 Why are you making them stay there?

02:45:32.000 Right.

02:45:33.000 How hard is it to...

02:45:34.000 Jesus, Jamie Masada. 0.99

02:45:35.000 This is two days in a row we've been talking shit about you. 0.99

02:45:38.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:45:38.000 Meanwhile, it's the first 15 people or whatever that get there. 0.99

02:45:41.000 But they'll make them wait all day.

02:45:43.000 Body is very important, body.

02:45:45.000 We have to get them to sit.

02:45:47.000 You know, we have system.

02:45:48.000 We teach.

02:45:49.000 We teach them.

02:45:50.000 They do good jobs.

02:45:51.000 They do what we tell them.

02:45:52.000 You should get him on the podcast, Joe.

02:45:53.000 Nope.

02:45:54.000 Nope.

02:45:54.000 I did a podcast with him and Don Marrera, if you want to listen to it.

02:45:57.000 I love Jamie, don't get me wrong.

02:45:58.000 I do love the guy.

02:45:59.000 And the guy is responsible for keeping open one of the top clubs in the country.

02:46:03.000 That club is one of the best clubs in LA, which makes it one of the best clubs in the country.

02:46:08.000 Why are you making that face?

02:46:10.000 What did you want to say?

02:46:12.000 No?

02:46:13.000 No.

02:46:13.000 I don't like it.

02:46:14.000 You don't like it?

02:46:15.000 I don't think the colors yellow and blue and orange belong anywhere near.

02:46:19.000 Because you're a dark man with a dark soul. 1.00

02:46:20.000 You're damn right, baby. 0.97

02:46:21.000 That's why you should be dressed in gold, dancing around, going, THE UNDERTAKER STREAK HAS BEEN BROKEN! I can't believe it! 0.85

02:46:28.000 So silly. 0.99

02:46:30.000 You're right though. 0.98

02:46:31.000 There's something about comedy like dark.

02:46:33.000 Dark seems to be like...

02:46:34.000 Yeah.

02:46:35.000 Give me a low ceiling.

02:46:36.000 Pitch it black.

02:46:37.000 Dark. 0.73

02:46:38.000 Just a mic and a mic stand.

02:46:39.000 A stool. 0.99

02:46:40.000 That's all I fucking want. 0.98

02:46:41.000 Speaking of which, you're going to be at the Comedy Works. 0.98

02:46:43.000 You're going to get a date there to headline after you work there with me.

02:46:46.000 Yeah.

02:46:47.000 Amazing.

02:46:48.000 I was so happy I picked that place.

02:46:50.000 She's the best.

02:46:51.000 That's the spot.

02:46:51.000 Yeah, Wendy's awesome.

02:46:52.000 She really is.

02:46:53.000 But that club is also the perfect setup.

02:46:56.000 Literally the perfect setup for comedy.

02:46:58.000 Totally.

02:46:58.000 Hanging out with her was really interesting because I never really got to hang with Mitzi.

02:47:07.000 I know it's two different people and everything, but the amazing maternal...

02:47:12.000 energy that I felt from her and love of stand-up comedy made me feel like I sort of got it from being a comedy store guy but in a post-Mitsy era. 0.91

02:47:25.000 It was amazing to get to hang with a powerful comedy woman like that. 1.00

02:47:30.000 Yeah, she's awesome. 1.00

02:47:31.000 There's only a few people like that in the country that are responsible for scenes.

02:47:35.000 The comedy scenes in cities can be directly dependent upon a single club sometimes.

02:47:42.000 Cap City is a big one for Austin.

02:47:45.000 That's another place we worked at recently.

02:47:47.000 That's the hub.

02:47:48.000 That's the big spot in Austin.

02:47:50.000 That is the big club in Austin, Texas.

02:47:53.000 And there's a few of those all across the country.

02:47:57.000 It's kind of amazing that they haven't tried to move in with an improv in Austin.

02:48:01.000 How has the improv missed on Austin, Texas?

02:48:04.000 I mean, they have one in Houston, but it's kind of in a sketch neighborhood, apparently.

02:48:11.000 But there's no more independent club in Houston anymore.

02:48:15.000 There used to be the Laugh Stop, which was one of the greatest of all time.

02:48:19.000 And that club, the Laugh Stopper, is responsible for Bill Hicks...

02:48:24.000 Sam Kinison.

02:48:26.000 Even Janine Garofalo, I think, did a lot of her early stuff out of the Laugh Stop. 0.69

02:48:33.000 It was just a completely different kind of club.

02:48:36.000 And that one club defined that whole town's comedy scene.

02:48:40.000 Houston, at one point in time, was one of the best comedy scenes in the country.

02:48:44.000 Some of the best up-and-coming young talent was coming out of Houston.

02:48:48.000 It was weird, but that club goes under, that one club goes under, and then the whole thing just kind of like drifts off.

02:48:54.000 It's hard.

02:48:55.000 It's hard to keep a scene. 0.81

02:48:56.000 So when you find someone like Wendy, you gotta appreciate the fuck out of them. 0.92

02:48:59.000 Yeah. 0.61

02:49:00.000 And I love that, you know, I mean, anybody who would see me talking a bunch of crazy, dark, evil stuff before you and go, hey, you're cool.

02:49:10.000 You want to do a weekend here?

02:49:12.000 Like, it's like, wow.

02:49:13.000 What are you talking about?

02:49:14.000 You're funny.

02:49:15.000 Yeah, but, you know, everybody's always looking for an excuse why to not...

02:49:19.000 Even though it's funny, it's like...

02:49:21.000 Everybody's always like, oh, you know, it's so dark.

02:49:25.000 Why don't you do some more happy stuff?

02:49:28.000 Why do you keep saying so dark?

02:49:28.000 You're just funny, man.

02:49:30.000 It's not like it's disgusting or ridiculous. 0.92

02:49:33.000 I know. 0.97

02:49:33.000 Are you looking down on your own act or something? 0.97

02:49:36.000 What are you doing?

02:49:37.000 It's so dark, so dark.

02:49:39.000 You're not that dark.

02:49:40.000 Well, I always get told...

02:49:43.000 People's theories on why this and why that.

02:49:46.000 Why things aren't happening?

02:49:47.000 Is that what you're saying?

02:49:48.000 Right.

02:49:48.000 Who are you talking to?

02:49:49.000 Agents?

02:49:50.000 Managers?

02:49:51.000 Yeah.

02:49:51.000 Those people, you shouldn't talk to them.

02:49:54.000 You know what my manager told me the other day?

02:49:55.000 Please tell me.

02:49:56.000 He goes, you need to not be so much of a wrestling villain. 0.51

02:50:01.000 You're like a pro wrestling villain.

02:50:03.000 And I don't think that goes well with stand-up comedy.

02:50:05.000 Nobody's ever done that before.

02:50:06.000 And I go, did you hear what you just said?

02:50:08.000 I go, nobody's ever done that before.

02:50:09.000 You just said it. 1.00

02:50:12.000 He's an idiot. 1.00

02:50:13.000 Get a new one. 1.00

02:50:14.000 Get a new manager.

02:50:16.000 You can't tell someone they're too much of an anything.

02:50:18.000 He doesn't have any idea why you're funny.

02:50:20.000 No one has any idea why you're funny other than you. 0.95

02:50:23.000 That sounds ridiculous, but... 0.88

02:50:25.000 No, you're absolutely right.

02:50:26.000 The only people that can help you are other pro comics that work with you, that kind of see things, they go, maybe if you're this or maybe if you're that, and then you take it into consideration.

02:50:34.000 Knowing it's coming from someone who actually knows what they're talking about, but someone who's never done stand-up trying to tell you what does or does not make you funny, they can't do it.

02:50:43.000 They can't do it.

02:50:44.000 It's just a wasted conversation.

02:50:46.000 Buddy, you should be Generation X guy.

02:50:49.000 Go on stage.

02:50:50.000 Everything come out of your mouth is about Generation X. Jamie Masada actually said that to one of my friends.

02:50:56.000 You know what Jamie told me.

02:50:57.000 I've told you this, right?

02:50:58.000 I have the best one ever.

02:50:59.000 Please.

02:51:00.000 You used to have to do the...

02:51:01.000 You'd wait for hours to do the open mic, and then you go, Hey, everybody, if you want, if you stick around after the open mic, you can go up to Jamie, and the owner of the Live Factory, Jamie, will give you his advice on your career.

02:51:12.000 What'd he say to you?

02:51:14.000 Buddy, buddy, very funny.

02:51:16.000 You wear a cowboy hat.

02:51:17.000 You make it.

02:51:18.000 Come back with cowboy hat.

02:51:19.000 I put you on stage.

02:51:21.000 So did you?

02:51:22.000 I took...

02:51:23.000 I didn't go back there.

02:51:25.000 There's a cartoon.

02:51:26.000 You're already in it.

02:51:27.000 No, it's me. 1.00

02:51:28.000 You're gonna die. 0.99

02:51:31.000 Did you think about it? 0.99

02:51:33.000 Like thinking if you came back with a cowboy hat, at least you'd get another spot?

02:51:35.000 No. 0.99

02:51:36.000 That'd be a funny bit if you had a fucking cowboy hat that you kept in your trunk just when you did the laugh. 1.00

02:51:40.000 Right. 0.99

02:51:42.000 That's a great idea.

02:51:44.000 Jamie, remember me?

02:51:46.000 It's Tony Hinchcliffe.

02:51:47.000 I took your advice, got the cowboy hat. 1.00

02:51:50.000 Shit's been booming. 1.00

02:51:51.000 Do you ever do the Laugh Factory? 0.99

02:51:52.000 Yeah, do it when I do Dom's show.

02:51:54.000 I'm doing it next Tuesday before I do Ari's TV show. 0.98

02:51:57.000 I'm going to warm up at the Laugh Factory Tuesday night, tell my story at the Laugh Factory, and then go do Ari's storyteller show.

02:52:04.000 Next Tuesday the 9th in Hollywood.

02:52:06.000 Miss Pat will be in town.

02:52:08.000 Yeah! 0.98

02:52:09.000 Alright, ladies and gentlemen, it's fucking podcast over. 0.99

02:52:11.000 You can find Tony Hinchcliffe on Twitter. 0.98

02:52:14.000 His Twitter handle is Tony Hinchcliffe.

02:52:18.000 It should say Super Twink in the title, but it does not.

02:52:22.000 I don't understand.

02:52:24.000 I went looking, but it just doesn't seem to be up there.

02:52:28.000 Super Twink.

02:52:29.000 Come see me, Red Band and Tiffany Haddish in Michigan, Columbus, and Phoenix.

02:52:34.000 Phoenix, yeah.

02:52:37.000 So look for those dates.

02:52:38.000 Yeah, go to deathsquad.tv for all that information.

02:52:41.000 Tony Hinchcliffe is T-O-N-Y-H-I-N-C-H-C-L-I-F-F-E on Twitter.

02:52:48.000 And what's your website?

02:52:50.000 TonyHinchcliffe.com.

02:52:51.000 And please listen to the Kill Tony.

02:52:53.000 If you haven't listened to Kill Tony, why don't you start with your pal Joe Rogan and Dom Irera.

02:52:57.000 I believe it's episode 48 for some reason, I remember. 0.99

02:53:00.000 Enjoy it, you fucks. 0.98

02:53:03.000 And thanks to our sponsors. 0.98

02:53:05.000 Thank you, thank you, thank you to ZipRecruiter.

02:53:08.000 Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash Rogan and you can post jobs for free.

02:53:16.000 By going to ZipRecruiter.com forward slash Rogan.

02:53:21.000 And with one click, you can get your job up at 50 plus job sites, including Craigslist, LinkedIn, and Twitter.

02:53:29.000 All with a single click.

02:53:30.000 So thank you to them.

02:53:32.000 And thanks also to DraftKings.

02:53:34.000 Go to DraftKings.com.

02:53:37.000 Enter in the code word Rogan to get a free entry into week one.

02:53:42.000 One.

02:53:42.000 Five million dollar kickoff bash.

02:53:46.000 What did I say? 1.00

02:53:47.000 I said five million dollars, you dirty fuck. 1.00

02:53:49.000 So go to DraftKings.com, enter in the promo code ROGAN. And thanks also to Onnit.com, that's O-N-N-I-T. Use the code word ROGAN and save 10% off any and all supplements. 1.00

02:54:00.000 Alright, we'll be back next week. 1.00

02:54:02.000 Until then, enjoy your life, you dirty fucks. 1.00

02:54:04.000 Big kiss. 1.00

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 04, 2014

Joe Rogan Experience #545 - Tony Hinchcliffe

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Transcript