The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #58

00:00:00.000 Thank you.

00:02:44.000 But dude, you dismantled him.

00:02:46.000 That was the cleanest, most precise performance of your career.

00:02:52.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:02:54.000 I was just like, alright, do this, this, and this.

00:02:56.000 Dude, you did it all perfect.

00:02:58.000 It was perfect.

00:02:59.000 It was just perfection.

00:03:00.000 That poor guy.

00:03:01.000 Yeah, that's business, you know?

00:03:03.000 It is business.

00:03:03.000 I'm going to get old?

00:03:04.000 Yeah.

00:03:05.000 I'm going to get old?

00:03:06.000 And hopefully you'll slide out before that guy.

00:03:09.000 After Melvin Manhoof, he should have been like, wait, wait, wait, wait, what's up?

00:03:12.000 Exactly, yeah.

00:03:13.000 Fuck, dude.

00:03:14.000 That's business.

00:03:16.000 It's kind of like a guy I looked up to for so long, and one of those things.

00:03:20.000 I feel a big respect to the guy, and I feel like a lot of my career is due to him.

00:03:27.000 Really?

00:03:27.000 Yeah, definitely.

00:03:28.000 Well, for those who don't follow mixed martial arts, Sakuraba is a famous Japanese guy who was one of the first guys to beat the Gracies, and he fought a bunch of them.

00:03:37.000 He fought Hoist a couple of times.

00:03:39.000 They fought for 90 minutes once.

00:03:40.000 He had a legacy, that guy.

00:03:41.000 Yeah, I mean, that is as legacy as legacy gets.

00:03:45.000 You list all-time favorites.

00:03:48.000 Goddamn, Sakuraba's on everybody's list.

00:03:50.000 Some of those fights that he had...

00:03:52.000 Always fought guys way bigger than him.

00:03:54.000 That's what I mean by that.

00:03:56.000 Exactly the mentality that you would always take into a fight is what I did when I was younger.

00:04:02.000 What I always was thinking, that's what you have to be to be a fighter.

00:04:09.000 It built my value system.

00:04:11.000 I'm like, yeah, you have to do that.

00:04:12.000 Which kept me working hard in mixed martial arts all the way to this point.

00:04:18.000 They say, you want to fight him?

00:04:20.000 I'm like...

00:04:21.000 Yeah, I have to fight him.

00:04:22.000 Right, right.

00:04:23.000 I respect, you know, I can't.

00:04:24.000 Oh, no, I'm not going to fight Sakuraba.

00:04:27.000 You know, like, come on.

00:04:28.000 I'm going to fight Sakuraba.

00:04:29.000 Someone's going to fight him.

00:04:30.000 What other place in life do you get to walk up to your hero and punch his fucking face?

00:04:36.000 Where does that happen?

00:04:38.000 You're my hero.

00:04:38.000 I get to punch your fucking face.

00:04:40.000 Damn, what a trip that must have been.

00:04:42.000 Yeah, you know what I mean?

00:04:43.000 I was like, man, you're my hero, but I'm going to try to smash you.

00:04:46.000 Is there a moment in your mind in the fight while you're realizing you're doing this, or are you so in the moment?

00:04:53.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:04:54.000 Yeah, because I remember the exact moment that I was like, I got him in this one move, and then I put my hand on his face, and I put my hand on his face and punched him.

00:05:03.000 And I'm like, man, I'm punching Sakuraba right now.

00:05:07.000 Wow.

00:05:08.000 Wow.

00:05:09.000 There was that brief, like, little blink of a moment.

00:05:11.000 And then you went back.

00:05:12.000 Yeah, and then I was like, oh, gotta beat him up.

00:05:15.000 I was like, oh, no.

00:05:16.000 To me, it was like, okay, I'm a robot.

00:05:18.000 Like, I wrote for Fight Magazine before that, like, I'm a robot.

00:05:22.000 Or, no, I think it was on my blog.

00:05:23.000 And I wrote, I'm a robot.

00:05:25.000 In there, I just, like, go in there and, like, I feel like I'm driving a robot.

00:05:29.000 So I'm just doing this, you know, like.

00:05:32.000 Right.

00:05:32.000 You know, I'm just doing, like, I'm behind my eyes.

00:05:35.000 Right.

00:05:35.000 Playing video games.

00:05:36.000 Right.

00:05:36.000 You know what I mean?

00:05:37.000 Like, oh, I'm playing Xbox right now.

00:05:38.000 Is that the best way to keep emotions out of it?

00:05:41.000 Yeah, fuck yeah, because I fought, like, messed up my fights before where I'm like...

00:05:46.000 And then I'm like, oh, I'm tired right now.

00:05:48.000 Like, what the hell?

00:05:48.000 You know, you got to be like- You get looked out.

00:05:50.000 Yeah, it's more, for me at least, I know some guys have to get more psyched up, you know, but for me, I just know that I have to like chill myself out so I don't go to bananas.

00:05:59.000 So you just fight.

00:06:00.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:06:00.000 Just do it.

00:06:01.000 I'm a robot.

00:06:02.000 Yeah, you're a robot.

00:06:02.000 But every once in a while, you got to go into your crazy gene and get retard strength.

00:06:06.000 And that's when you're in a bad spot.

00:06:07.000 Yeah.

00:06:08.000 Yeah, that's when you just gotta get like, I gotta like Hulk out of this, like Hulkamania.

00:06:11.000 That was what, remember when you were fighting GSP and that's what...

00:06:16.000 Yeah, I know.

00:06:16.000 It's famous.

00:06:17.000 Yeah.

00:06:18.000 I know.

00:06:19.000 What's his face?

00:06:20.000 Why am I blanking on his name?

00:06:21.000 I don't know.

00:06:22.000 Mark Lehman?

00:06:22.000 Mark Lehman.

00:06:23.000 Jesus Christ.

00:06:24.000 I'm blanking on Mark Lehman's name.

00:06:25.000 But when Mark Lehman is yelling, retard strength, and I was saying, his corner is yelling out, retard strength.

00:06:30.000 Wait, you said that on the fucking thing?

00:06:32.000 Yeah, I said that on the air.

00:06:32.000 It became famous.

00:06:33.000 Oh, I did?

00:06:34.000 It became famous.

00:06:35.000 Yeah, retard strength.

00:06:36.000 Oh, I remember.

00:06:36.000 No, I remember the people.

00:06:38.000 Because I was like, I wanted everybody to know.

00:06:40.000 I'm like, his corner is calling out for retard strength.

00:06:43.000 I'm like, you need to know this.

00:06:45.000 That's awesome!

00:06:45.000 Lehman is the shit, man.

00:06:47.000 Lehman is, he's not only just a really good jiu-jitsu instructor, but he's like a cool dude to talk to.

00:06:53.000 No, he's an interesting dude.

00:06:54.000 Super smart.

00:06:55.000 Very smart.

00:06:56.000 I know, yeah.

00:06:58.000 Smart dude.

00:06:59.000 That's why he's so into jiu-jitsu.

00:07:00.000 He breaks things down.

00:07:02.000 He's a fascinating dude.

00:07:04.000 He's a character.

00:07:05.000 I love that guy.

00:07:06.000 Yeah, he's a fascinating dude.

00:07:08.000 Jiu-jitsu's filled with fascinating people.

00:07:10.000 That's what a lot of people don't understand.

00:07:11.000 They think of jiu-jitsu as being some sort of a meathead thing.

00:07:14.000 Nah, it's art.

00:07:15.000 It's just for people that don't know that.

00:07:16.000 They think that, though.

00:07:17.000 But a lot of the guys that we train with are computer guys, or guys who are not that athletic.

00:07:23.000 Back in the day, I felt like jiu-jitsu was this exclusive and expensive thing.

00:07:28.000 You know what I mean?

00:07:28.000 Like, not many people did it, but the people who did it were, like, well-educated.

00:07:33.000 Right.

00:07:33.000 You know what I mean?

00:07:34.000 Because they know about the latest thing.

00:07:36.000 Right.

00:07:36.000 And it was Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, you know?

00:07:38.000 So, when I remember, I would be in there broke as hell, you know, training, and then there would be, like, lawyers and, you know, doctors and chiropractors and whatever, you know?

00:07:47.000 Like, and I'm just, like, some poor kid.

00:07:49.000 Like, I would go to the gyms, you know?

00:07:51.000 It is expensive.

00:07:52.000 That does keep a lot of people out.

00:07:53.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:07:53.000 Like, ah, it keeps out the riffraff.

00:07:55.000 Yeah.

00:07:56.000 Yeah, that's a funny way of thinking it, right?

00:07:58.000 Jiu-jitsu is super expensive.

00:08:00.000 Yeah.

00:08:01.000 Well, not anymore.

00:08:02.000 Really?

00:08:03.000 Not anymore.

00:08:04.000 A lot of guys have like $1.75 a month, $2.50 a month.

00:08:07.000 I read that all over the place.

00:08:08.000 $2.50 a month, dude.

00:08:10.000 That's strong money.

00:08:11.000 That's strong money.

00:08:12.000 If you're making like, you know, $700 a week, which like a lot of people are, that's what you bring home.

00:08:17.000 If you're doing well, you're doing pretty well there.

00:08:19.000 Man, but that's where you live.

00:08:21.000 Where do you see that?

00:08:22.000 Wait, what gym are you driving by right now, Joe Rogan?

00:08:26.000 Well, it's not driving by.

00:08:27.000 I'm, like, reading shit online.

00:08:29.000 I'm, like, looking at how much people charge for jiu-jitsu classes.

00:08:32.000 People put their prices up online.

00:08:33.000 I think Henzo's somewhere around there.

00:08:35.000 I think John Jock's over, like, $175, I think it was.

00:08:38.000 Especially when a lot of people use it as an exercise.

00:08:40.000 And I pay, like, $39 a month for my gym.

00:08:43.000 Man, you go down there.

00:08:44.000 Bro, you go down there.

00:08:44.000 You're learning something.

00:08:45.000 You go down there.

00:08:46.000 You could talk him down.

00:08:47.000 Yo, you could talk Machado down.

00:08:48.000 Just talk Machado down.

00:08:49.000 Just come on.

00:08:50.000 He's a cool guy, right?

00:08:53.000 He's worth everything and more.

00:08:55.000 He's great.

00:08:56.000 But I understand if people are broke.

00:08:59.000 I understand.

00:09:00.000 No, I'm saying if I was a broke motherfucker, I would roll up in there and be like, dude, come on, man.

00:09:05.000 Just give me some jiu-jitsu.

00:09:06.000 Just a little bit.

00:09:08.000 Just give me some, bro.

00:09:09.000 Just give me some.

00:09:11.000 Six weeks out.

00:09:12.000 Don't worry.

00:09:13.000 Come on, man.

00:09:13.000 I'll pay you.

00:09:14.000 That's cute.

00:09:15.000 I don't like this new setup.

00:09:16.000 Look at this.

00:09:17.000 What's what?

00:09:18.000 Because it's me and Red Band sitting here, man.

00:09:20.000 That's so we can see each other.

00:09:21.000 But now we look like we're in goddamn aliens.

00:09:24.000 Like we're in the bunker right now.

00:09:26.000 We're in a bunker over here and Joe Rogan is Missile Command right now.

00:09:30.000 Joe Rogan is like...

00:09:31.000 I'm touching you.

00:09:32.000 I know you're touching me, but I can't even tell we're in the same room right now.

00:09:36.000 You shouldn't be paying attention to these electronics.

00:09:37.000 You're just looking at the screen.

00:09:39.000 Look at me, man.

00:09:40.000 I know, but this is what everyone else sees.

00:09:42.000 No, most people don't see shit.

00:09:43.000 Look, me and him, look.

00:09:44.000 We're in a bunker.

00:09:45.000 Me and Redman are in a bunker right now.

00:09:47.000 Like, Joe Rogan is somewhere in this house.

00:09:51.000 Joe Rogan is here.

00:09:54.000 I guess people don't...

00:09:55.000 Sometimes they just listen to this thing.

00:09:56.000 Most people are listening.

00:09:57.000 Oh, my bad.

00:09:58.000 It's a tiny fraction that people are actually watching.

00:10:00.000 Man, but what about my screenshot?

00:10:02.000 What about my screenshot?

00:10:04.000 They're like, this guy is loud as fuck.

00:10:06.000 Oh, my bad.

00:10:06.000 And what is he talking about?

00:10:08.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:10:08.000 They don't even know we're talking about the computer screen.

00:10:09.000 They have no idea what you're talking about.

00:10:10.000 Oh, well, here's the punchline, everybody.

00:10:13.000 It's the computer screen I was talking about.

00:10:15.000 Yeah, he's looking at the computer screen, what the live viewers are saying.

00:10:19.000 Jason Mayhem Miller...

00:10:20.000 Taking some big shots since the last time I seen him.

00:10:23.000 Yeah, I've been taking some shots, man.

00:10:25.000 But hey, what's the deal with the...

00:10:27.000 What is the most you've ever felt like after a sparring session or after a fight?

00:10:32.000 What's the most you've ever felt like?

00:10:33.000 Whoa, I just gotta settle the fuck down after this one.

00:10:36.000 What's the most?

00:10:37.000 Which fight was the most?

00:10:39.000 I can't remember.

00:10:39.000 Do you remember?

00:10:39.000 After a fight?

00:10:40.000 Or a sparring session?

00:10:43.000 I don't know.

00:10:44.000 Because you've had some crazy sparring sessions.

00:10:45.000 I had some dumb ones.

00:10:47.000 Like Barone, you and Barone used to slam it out.

00:10:49.000 Me and Barone used to damn box it out.

00:10:51.000 Like, man, I'm like, yeah, this is fun.

00:10:54.000 But afterwards, you're like, oh, man, I'm stupid right now.

00:10:59.000 There's a lot of guys.

00:11:00.000 I mean, how many guys do you know that did that too much and they're just not there anymore?

00:11:04.000 I don't know.

00:11:05.000 There's a few guys, right?

00:11:06.000 I know one guy.

00:11:07.000 42. I know a few guys.

00:11:09.000 Yeah.

00:11:09.000 I'm starting to know guys.

00:11:10.000 Guys that used to be okay, now they're not.

00:11:12.000 Well, I mean, I don't really know Nick Diaz, but you know what I'm saying?

00:11:15.000 Right.

00:11:17.000 The signs are there.

00:11:18.000 If you don't know, this has been addressed on a previous podcast with Jason Mayhem Miller, but there was a big incident at CBS where Jason got into the cage and asked Jade Shields a question.

00:11:28.000 He got jumped by everybody, and it was nuts.

00:11:31.000 Nick Diaz was one of the guys that was involved.

00:11:34.000 Did he throw the first punch?

00:11:35.000 Allegedly?

00:11:36.000 Is that what happened?

00:11:37.000 No.

00:11:39.000 Simultaneously with like three other people.

00:11:41.000 It's probably the best picture ever.

00:11:43.000 Me with my hands up like, what's up guys?

00:11:44.000 So ridiculous.

00:11:45.000 That's the best picture ever taken.

00:11:47.000 It was so unnecessary.

00:11:49.000 It was so unnecessary on so many fronts.

00:11:51.000 And we talked about this the last time, but we should bring it up again.

00:11:53.000 I think it was bullshit that you got in trouble for it.

00:11:55.000 I think, I go, he got jumped, he got assaulted.

00:11:58.000 Yes, he shouldn't have been in the cage, but it doesn't mean you should be assaulting him.

00:12:01.000 And I don't even think it's their fault because it's so many fucking people in the cage that shouldn't have been in there.

00:12:05.000 You can't have that many people.

00:12:07.000 So who are you blaming right now?

00:12:08.000 I'm blaming Strikeforce for letting you guys get close to each other.

00:12:11.000 They should have been regulating it.

00:12:13.000 They should have watched the cage.

00:12:14.000 I think they were fucked up to jump you for sure.

00:12:17.000 But I think the reason why they jumped you is you were allowed to get into that cage.

00:12:20.000 You shouldn't have been allowed to.

00:12:21.000 You should have had it all set up.

00:12:22.000 It should have been like how they would deal to the UFC. If you were going to come in and you were going to challenge him after a fight, you would wait.

00:12:28.000 And then when Jake was done talking, then we'd say, all right, now I have a guy who would really love to sit down and talk to you right now.

00:12:35.000 Jason, Mayhem, Miller, and you would come in.

00:12:37.000 So it's like respectful.

00:12:39.000 They fucked up by just leaving the door open.

00:12:42.000 What are you going to leave the door open and do this to get hyped up?

00:12:45.000 When you want to do something simultaneous on TV, when you're doing something on TV, so I'm sure you're thinking like, fuck, what am I doing?

00:12:50.000 I'm going to get in.

00:12:51.000 All right, here we go.

00:12:52.000 I'm just going to do this.

00:12:53.000 It makes perfect sense.

00:12:54.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:12:56.000 I was like, yeah, let's do this.

00:12:57.000 There's very little filter on my brain.

00:12:59.000 Were you sober at the time?

00:13:00.000 Yeah.

00:13:01.000 Totally sober.

00:13:02.000 Yeah, I was like, but, hmm, is this a good idea?

00:13:04.000 I just fought earlier that night.

00:13:05.000 Right, that's right.

00:13:06.000 I fought earlier that night, so I was already still psyched.

00:13:09.000 I'm like, yeah, okay.

00:13:09.000 Oh, so you're flying high.

00:13:11.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:13:11.000 So I was real pumped.

00:13:12.000 I mean, you know.

00:13:13.000 Right.

00:13:14.000 I don't know.

00:13:14.000 And then all of a sudden, I'm in a brawl, and I tweet, whoops.

00:13:18.000 So you start up this website, don'tbescaredhomie.com, because Nick Diaz, is it difficult to get a fight with him?

00:13:26.000 Is that what's going on?

00:13:27.000 What's the actual real...

00:13:29.000 He's scared, homie.

00:13:30.000 All I know is what I read on the internet.

00:13:32.000 Tell me what's going on.

00:13:33.000 Man.

00:13:34.000 He says, don't be scared, homie, all the time.

00:13:38.000 Right.

00:13:38.000 That's his...

00:13:39.000 He says, don't be scared, homie.

00:13:40.000 That's his little tagline.

00:13:41.000 I stole it.

00:13:42.000 It's mine now.

00:13:45.000 That's awesome.

00:13:46.000 And look, the guy...

00:13:47.000 So you own Don't Bescared Homie.com?

00:13:49.000 Yeah!

00:13:50.000 And that site is all dedicated to you getting a fight with Nick Diaz.

00:13:53.000 Well, you know, to me, I like, yeah, definitely.

00:13:57.000 You are a nightmare.

00:13:59.000 Can you imagine if you pissed Mayhem off and Mayhem was coming after you?

00:14:03.000 Oh, no!

00:14:04.000 What a nightmare!

00:14:05.000 He's relentless!

00:14:07.000 He's relentless!

00:14:10.000 It's not like you're just calling some random person out.

00:14:13.000 You're calling a guy out who's an MMA fighter who you have an altercation with.

00:14:18.000 He's fought so many times, 183. He always fights there.

00:14:23.000 But then when it's me, somebody he's talked shit about, like, for years the guy's talked shit about me, and without saying my name, all these guys, these F-bombs with painted hair, these Joe Rogan words with painted hair, you know, like, he's, you know...

00:14:40.000 He said all these terrible things about you.

00:14:41.000 Yeah, all the time.

00:14:43.000 So what is the...

00:14:44.000 When it comes down to signing a contract, what is the problem?

00:14:48.000 Yeah, no, his manager comes on and says, Oh, yeah.

00:14:52.000 Well, if he fights at 178, I'm like, okay, cool.

00:14:56.000 I'll fight Alistair Overeem.

00:14:58.000 He just has to make 190. That's it.

00:15:01.000 I'll fight him.

00:15:02.000 I'll fucking fight this motherfucker this weekend.

00:15:04.000 I bet you will.

00:15:04.000 190. He's got to make 190. Right.

00:15:07.000 Yeah.

00:15:08.000 I think that mic is loose.

00:15:09.000 Can you push that?

00:15:10.000 Yeah.

00:15:10.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:15:11.000 Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.

00:15:12.000 Ow.

00:15:13.000 That hurts my ears.

00:15:13.000 Oh, sorry, bro.

00:15:14.000 There we go.

00:15:15.000 It's loose a bit.

00:15:16.000 Here.

00:15:16.000 I got it.

00:15:18.000 I got it.

00:15:18.000 Come on.

00:15:18.000 Don't touch me, red man.

00:15:19.000 So, he's saying that he wants you to get down to 178, which is highly unlikely.

00:15:25.000 You would be so drained.

00:15:26.000 They want to do it in January.

00:15:28.000 Like, yeah, there's no way.

00:15:30.000 Jason used to fight.

00:15:31.000 He fought in the UFC at 170. And you saw me?

00:15:33.000 I was a goddamn skeleton.

00:15:35.000 God, dude.

00:15:36.000 I was a skeleton.

00:15:37.000 It was the dumbest thing I ever did.

00:15:38.000 You were so drawn out.

00:15:40.000 Yeah, I was like, why did I do that?

00:15:41.000 Like, I was...

00:15:43.000 Dude, you and I had a conversation about it where I was yelling at you.

00:15:46.000 I was like, you can't do this, man.

00:15:50.000 I'm like, this is too much, man.

00:15:52.000 This ain't good.

00:15:53.000 There's a lot of guys, man, that I think fight better when they don't have to cut weight.

00:15:58.000 They just feel better.

00:15:59.000 Like, look how much better BJ looked in his last fight.

00:16:01.000 And I don't know if that's just the way they match up with him and Matt Hughes, but he just looked like going into the cage.

00:16:07.000 Healthy.

00:16:07.000 He did not look healthy when he made 155 last time.

00:16:10.000 He always does.

00:16:11.000 He always looks a little drawn out.

00:16:12.000 He always looks great during the fight time, but he always looks a little drawn out.

00:16:16.000 That takes something out of you, man.

00:16:17.000 That's a magic that you don't...

00:16:18.000 Man, it's hard to do.

00:16:19.000 You make sure to...

00:16:21.000 Even cutting a little bit of weight is scheduling yourself really well.

00:16:24.000 You know what I mean?

00:16:25.000 You gotta be real disciplined.

00:16:27.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:16:28.000 Suck the water out the right way and rehydrate the right way.

00:16:32.000 Do you use IVs?

00:16:33.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:16:34.000 You should always use IVs, right?

00:16:36.000 Yeah, of course.

00:16:36.000 Because I hear about some guys don't like to use them.

00:16:38.000 I'm like, God damn.

00:16:40.000 They feel like they're doing something gross if they're sticking a needle in them.

00:16:43.000 You know what I mean?

00:16:43.000 Yeah, whatever.

00:16:44.000 That's science.

00:16:45.000 You should put more in there.

00:16:46.000 That's the way to do it, if you're going to do it at all.

00:16:48.000 Yeah, because you have to drop weight.

00:16:50.000 That's the thing.

00:16:51.000 What do you think about guys like Frankie Edgar, guys that just don't cut any weight at all?

00:16:55.000 They just fight at what they fight at?

00:16:56.000 No.

00:16:57.000 I mean, you know, that's awesome.

00:16:59.000 Do you think there's a benefit to that?

00:17:01.000 There's got to be a benefit physically, right?

00:17:02.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:17:03.000 You don't have to cut the weight, so you don't have to damage yourself that bad.

00:17:06.000 How much do you damage yourself?

00:17:07.000 I don't know, man.

00:17:08.000 I think sitting in a hot box for a long time will take years off your life, for sure.

00:17:13.000 Oh, fuck yeah.

00:17:13.000 Oh, thanks.

00:17:17.000 He reached in and adjusted the microphone like he was changing the collar on a tiger.

00:17:22.000 I pre-planned it for like 10 or 15 seconds.

00:17:26.000 I was looking at it like, alright, I'm just going to go in there real quick and be like, I even thought about, hey Jason, look at that over there, and doing one of those things.

00:17:32.000 So if you, let me get back to the subject, because this is a fascinating subject for me.

00:17:36.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:17:36.000 If you lose weight, so say if, what do you walk around, like 210, something like that?

00:17:41.000 Yeah, well, actually, less than that, 207, 208. When you get to the point where you're about to cut weight, like when you're in training camp, when do you start to dehydrate yourself?

00:17:51.000 Do you take like just a couple of days?

00:17:53.000 Yeah, like three days out.

00:17:53.000 Three days?

00:17:54.000 Well, two really.

00:17:56.000 And so when you start at two, how heavy are you?

00:17:59.000 I don't know, probably 203, 202. So you've got to lose somewhere between 15-17 pounds?

00:18:05.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:18:05.000 Wow.

00:18:06.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:18:07.000 But I've already reduced my calories at the beginning of the week, so I'm losing some...

00:18:13.000 Like salad, I'm really light, and most of my calories are from water, calories.

00:18:20.000 So I'm hydrated, then boom, and then drop my weight all the day down there.

00:18:25.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:18:26.000 I mean, I know it'll take some time off your life because I'm sitting in the sauna box with the damn plastic suit on doing hoppies.

00:18:32.000 Right.

00:18:32.000 One, two, three, four, five, six.

00:18:34.000 But you think the benefit that it gives you on your page is well worth it?

00:18:37.000 Well, I mean, both of us are doing it.

00:18:39.000 Right.

00:18:40.000 So, you know what I mean?

00:18:41.000 Like, both guys are, like, bigger anyway.

00:18:43.000 Isn't that crazy, though?

00:18:44.000 Yeah.

00:18:45.000 Well, what the hell?

00:18:46.000 Every competitive edge.

00:18:47.000 I know, but if you're both trying to find it.

00:18:49.000 If you're both doing it, is it a competitive edge?

00:18:52.000 Yeah, I mean, it would be better if you could just shake hands.

00:18:55.000 Shake hands and both don't do it.

00:18:57.000 Shake hands and fight.

00:18:58.000 Yeah, just say, listen, man, you weigh what you weigh.

00:19:01.000 Don't get crazy.

00:19:03.000 Everybody's nervous, you know, whatever.

00:19:04.000 I know, it's a funny thing, though.

00:19:06.000 It has to be like that.

00:19:07.000 I wish we could just shake hands like, yo, let's just do it like this weekend, bro.

00:19:11.000 Like, you know?

00:19:13.000 Like, no cutting weight.

00:19:14.000 Come on.

00:19:15.000 Like, let's just step off our bar stools right now.

00:19:19.000 The cutting weight thing is, I think it's a very unfortunate situation.

00:19:23.000 Hey man, look, you're not fucking doing it, bro.

00:19:25.000 It's a fucking headache.

00:19:26.000 It's the only part of my job that I'm like, this is bullshit.

00:19:29.000 It's the only part of my job, like, man, I wish I could just go, hey dude, let's keep it real right now.

00:19:35.000 The fights would be better too, right?

00:19:36.000 Everybody would have more energy.

00:19:37.000 But that was the question.

00:19:38.000 What percentage do you think it takes away from you?

00:19:41.000 Say if you're at 100% at 210. I don't know, man.

00:19:45.000 I want to say 100%.

00:19:47.000 I'm back.

00:19:47.000 I want to say that.

00:19:49.000 Yeah, I want to say that.

00:19:50.000 You want to say that when you rehydrate, you get back to 100%?

00:19:53.000 I think so.

00:19:54.000 I've had it where I'm like, yeah, 24 hours.

00:19:57.000 So you've got it down to a science now.

00:19:58.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:19:58.000 When I'm 24 hours, most of them, I've fucked up before, for sure.

00:20:02.000 Like, I've had bad equipment and that kind of thing.

00:20:04.000 Fucking, in Chicago, we didn't have a damn dry sauna.

00:20:07.000 Oh, really?

00:20:08.000 Yeah, no dry sauna.

00:20:09.000 It's, you know, fucking sucks.

00:20:10.000 So what do you do then?

00:20:11.000 Do you turn the heat on or something?

00:20:12.000 Oh my god, we're in there anyway, trying to sweat the weight out.

00:20:15.000 And it took forever, and I was fucking dying.

00:20:18.000 And I had to go 5'5", 25. But, you know, 5 by 25, you know.

00:20:22.000 But, damn.

00:20:25.000 What do you call it?

00:20:27.000 It's just like part of the game, you know.

00:20:29.000 So what?

00:20:30.000 Don't cry about it.

00:20:31.000 You chose this life.

00:20:32.000 Right, so you just figure out another way to cut.

00:20:34.000 What do you do if you don't have a sauna?

00:20:36.000 So you have to cut.

00:20:36.000 How many pounds of water are you trying to cut by the last day?

00:20:39.000 Uh...

00:20:41.000 10-ish?

00:20:42.000 10, yeah.

00:20:43.000 Well, maybe like...

00:20:45.000 I've tried to make it like 9-ish, but...

00:20:47.000 I've cut weight perfect before, but, you know, sometimes it'll be 10 or 11. So how do you do that if you don't have a sauna?

00:20:56.000 Does anyone try to trick you?

00:20:58.000 We did it, bro!

00:20:59.000 I did it before that fight!

00:21:02.000 Yeah, but you said you didn't have a sauna, right?

00:21:04.000 Yeah, we didn't have a sauna, but I did it.

00:21:06.000 What'd you do instead?

00:21:07.000 It was a steam room.

00:21:08.000 It was a steam room.

00:21:09.000 Oh, so you did it in a steam room.

00:21:11.000 Yeah.

00:21:11.000 Wow.

00:21:12.000 Yeah, so we didn't have the sauna.

00:21:13.000 It's the same thing, right?

00:21:13.000 You sweat it out, right?

00:21:15.000 Is it the same?

00:21:15.000 It's not really, right?

00:21:16.000 Yeah, it's not the same.

00:21:17.000 It's all the moisture on you.

00:21:17.000 Yeah.

00:21:18.000 It cools you off, so it takes longer?

00:21:19.000 It makes you die.

00:21:20.000 But, you know, whatever.

00:21:21.000 That just means I had a bike harder and stuff like that.

00:21:23.000 I had to, like, sweat myself out worse, you know?

00:21:26.000 So you think that after the IVs and everything like that, your performance is at 100% of your capacity?

00:21:31.000 If you do it right.

00:21:33.000 If you do it right.

00:21:34.000 If you fuck up, I mean, that's just how it is.

00:21:36.000 Man, there's a fucking science to this shit.

00:21:37.000 Yeah, of course.

00:21:38.000 I mean, but, you know, and my coach knows how much I sweat.

00:21:42.000 Like, he's like, oh, we got it timed out about right.

00:21:44.000 Like, oh, he's got to do this.

00:21:46.000 You know what I mean?

00:21:47.000 Like, we time it.

00:21:48.000 Because everybody is different, right?

00:21:50.000 Yeah, for sure.

00:21:50.000 And a good coach has to recognize that and be working with a bunch of different guys to see a bunch of different variables.

00:21:56.000 There's some dudes who can't really cut that much weight.

00:21:58.000 They get to a certain point, their body just doesn't work anymore.

00:22:00.000 And some dudes can do it.

00:22:02.000 Some dudes can do superhuman amounts.

00:22:04.000 You know, like Tiago Alves, like Gleason Tebow.

00:22:07.000 What the fuck, dude?

00:22:08.000 Gleason Tebow fights at 155, and the dude is huge.

00:22:12.000 He's gigantic.

00:22:14.000 When he gets in the cage, he's got these bodybuilder arms and back and shit, and you're like, this motherfucker weighs 155?

00:22:21.000 He looks like he's easily 185. He looks like he's 30 pounds heavier.

00:22:25.000 I mean, I don't know what he actually weighs when he gets in the cage.

00:22:27.000 They do that with boxing.

00:22:29.000 They make the guys weigh in the day of.

00:22:31.000 I don't think they want to see those numbers in the UFC. I know, they're so different.

00:22:34.000 I don't think they want to see no 30s.

00:22:37.000 You might see a 30 with Thiago Alves.

00:22:40.000 You would, yeah.

00:22:40.000 You might see a 30. You might see a 200. 200 pound welterweight.

00:22:45.000 Holy shit, dude.

00:22:47.000 That's a lot of goddamn weight to lose.

00:22:49.000 I don't know how these guys do it.

00:22:51.000 They all have different methods and every camp has their own dude who's the master at that shit.

00:22:57.000 What camp is the best at cutting weight?

00:22:59.000 There's some camps that are just known for cutting tremendous amounts of weight.

00:23:02.000 Like ATT. They're known.

00:23:03.000 American Top Team.

00:23:04.000 They're known for doing it.

00:23:06.000 They cut a lot of weight?

00:23:06.000 I don't know.

00:23:07.000 Do they have a guy?

00:23:08.000 How does that work?

00:23:09.000 Do they have one guy who's the master trainer and master weight cut strategist?

00:23:14.000 I don't know.

00:23:15.000 How do you guys do it?

00:23:17.000 Does Ryan?

00:23:18.000 Ryan Parsons?

00:23:19.000 More so, you need somebody who can...

00:23:22.000 Because you kind of know yourself.

00:23:24.000 So, moreover, you need somebody to know exactly when to do it.

00:23:29.000 Like, be your coach.

00:23:30.000 You know what I mean?

00:23:31.000 Through it.

00:23:32.000 And Ryan, he knows how to...

00:23:35.000 Don't do it.

00:23:36.000 You guys have such an interesting relationship.

00:23:37.000 Now, for people who don't know, Ryan Parsons, he's been around for many, many years.

00:23:44.000 Coached some of the great guys in the business.

00:23:47.000 Spent a lot of time with Dan Henderson and Randy Couture.

00:23:50.000 He's a brilliant guy.

00:23:52.000 A very, very brilliant guy.

00:23:53.000 He's a manager and trainer to you and just a couple other fighters.

00:23:57.000 You and King Mo and this new guy, what's his name, Pat?

00:24:01.000 Yeah, Pat.

00:24:01.000 Yeah, Pat Cummins.

00:24:02.000 Durkin!

00:24:03.000 And he works with just a few guys.

00:24:05.000 You guys have this incredibly tight relationship, man.

00:24:09.000 That's a trip, you know?

00:24:10.000 Good guy.

00:24:11.000 Great guy.

00:24:13.000 But the whole setup, the way you guys have it, you know?

00:24:16.000 Like this one guy running around training and managing this fucking select group of killers and guiding them.

00:24:22.000 Yeah, it's cool.

00:24:22.000 It's an interesting situation.

00:24:24.000 It is.

00:24:24.000 It's great.

00:24:25.000 It's like, you know, we're a tight-knit group and we all train hard and whatever.

00:24:29.000 You know, it's like we don't need to...

00:24:31.000 Open the floodgates and...

00:24:33.000 Right, right, right.

00:24:34.000 Yeah, individualized attention is definitely better, right?

00:24:37.000 Yeah, yeah, definitely.

00:24:38.000 And a core, tight group that you can totally, completely count on.

00:24:41.000 Yeah.

00:24:42.000 And yo, that's a team.

00:24:43.000 We're a team, but we're not like, hey, everybody come hang out with us and train with us.

00:24:48.000 We're a tight-knit team.

00:24:50.000 Yeah, for people who don't know, like, you're such a wild dude.

00:24:53.000 You're always crazy and yelling and shit, but you're very disciplined, right?

00:24:57.000 And that's what people probably either wouldn't expect or don't understand.

00:25:01.000 You're very disciplined.

00:25:03.000 Even though you're wild, you don't show up for fights out of shape.

00:25:07.000 Maybe there's one or two times in your whole career where you haven't taken someone as seriously as you should have.

00:25:12.000 But you're pretty goddamn disciplined.

00:25:14.000 Yeah, I am.

00:25:16.000 I'm a dork.

00:25:17.000 I want to play video games.

00:25:20.000 Right, but look how much time you spend training.

00:25:22.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:25:23.000 No, but what I'm saying is you go train and then you play video games.

00:25:28.000 That's like, yeah, I'm going to play video games after this.

00:25:31.000 Or, you know, yeah, that's my reward.

00:25:33.000 Or, you know, whatever.

00:25:34.000 Like, I don't know.

00:25:34.000 I like to read and write stuff.

00:25:37.000 It's easier to live that way.

00:25:38.000 So going back to this Nick Diaz thing.

00:25:40.000 So you've been trying so hard to get this fight.

00:25:42.000 And what are they saying?

00:25:43.000 They're just saying no.

00:25:44.000 The only way to do it is if you'll fight at 178. They're saying no.

00:25:48.000 That's saying no.

00:25:50.000 That's saying no.

00:25:52.000 178 is saying no.

00:25:54.000 But he's fought at 183. Yeah, plenty of times.

00:25:58.000 He fought Scott Smith.

00:26:00.000 He's fought Frank Shamrock.

00:26:01.000 Who else did he fight that way?

00:26:02.000 I don't know, guys that he could beat up.

00:26:04.000 But he can't beat me up.

00:26:07.000 This is a fucking very important fight for you, huh?

00:26:09.000 Yeah.

00:26:09.000 I mean, I don't know.

00:26:10.000 I'm angry about the whole thing.

00:26:11.000 I'm like, I need this.

00:26:13.000 Right.

00:26:14.000 Like, I'm going to beat you up.

00:26:15.000 Right.

00:26:16.000 You shouldn't have jumped me.

00:26:16.000 I'm a nice guy.

00:26:17.000 He bullied me.

00:26:18.000 He bullied me.

00:26:19.000 Right.

00:26:19.000 He bullied me.

00:26:20.000 You need to beat him down.

00:26:21.000 Yeah, bully beat down.

00:26:22.000 That's right.

00:26:23.000 Oh yeah, Thursday's at 10.30.

00:26:26.000 Thursday's at 10.30.

00:26:27.000 I need a Thursday's at 10.30.

00:26:29.000 On MTV. On MTV. There's a clip from season three, which is fantastic that you should watch.

00:26:34.000 What?

00:26:35.000 The clip?

00:26:36.000 Yeah, where you got in there.

00:26:37.000 You got in the ring.

00:26:38.000 Oh, wait.

00:26:39.000 Tweet it at me, bro.

00:26:41.000 Why don't you tweet me, bro?

00:26:42.000 I did.

00:26:42.000 I tweeted it today.

00:26:43.000 Did you tweet it today?

00:26:44.000 Yeah.

00:26:45.000 I'm looking back through Red Band, and if you didn't tweet it today, I'm going to get so bummed right now.

00:26:50.000 I tweeted it today.

00:26:51.000 Actually, somebody tweeted it to me, and I retweeted it.

00:26:53.000 Oh, so you just gave me a retweet.

00:26:55.000 Listen, man.

00:26:56.000 I don't know, bro.

00:26:59.000 If it doesn't have your name on it, I feel a little fucking hurt.

00:27:01.000 It does have your name on it.

00:27:03.000 See, look.

00:27:03.000 I'll show it to you right here.

00:27:05.000 No, it doesn't have your name on it.

00:27:06.000 Joe Rogan, Red Bam.

00:27:07.000 Have you seen Mayim Miller beat down this bully?

00:27:10.000 Huge slams and grappling ground, effortless omissions.

00:27:13.000 Hell, man.

00:27:14.000 Yo, actually, yo, bro, I put the guy on a fillotine.

00:27:20.000 Phil Barone used to have this...

00:27:21.000 I don't know if he still does it.

00:27:23.000 I hope he still does it.

00:27:24.000 If he still does it, he's going to break someone's neck.

00:27:26.000 He does a front headlock choke, but you keep your belly on top of his head so you can lift him off the ground with his neck.

00:27:34.000 Scott Jorgensen did that to somebody in the WEC. He fillotined somebody?

00:27:38.000 It's like a front choke.

00:27:39.000 Lin-Lin does it too, right?

00:27:40.000 Yeah, kind of.

00:27:41.000 Yeah.

00:27:42.000 Yeah, kind of.

00:27:43.000 Yeah.

00:27:44.000 Man.

00:27:44.000 You just jujitsu dorked everybody.

00:27:46.000 I just realized I jujitsu nerded everybody right now.

00:27:49.000 My bad.

00:27:50.000 Me and you were like, sorry everybody.

00:27:53.000 That wasn't very, you guys don't get that joke.

00:27:56.000 It's a technique, yeah, we were totally indescriptive.

00:27:59.000 Yeah, we were.

00:28:00.000 You get a guy, you get your hands locked under his chin and then you place your body, your belly, over the top of the back of his head and as you lift him up, his neck is basically trapped against your chest cavity.

00:28:11.000 So he kind of Yeah, you hoist him up in the air by his fucking neck.

00:28:15.000 It's gnarly.

00:28:16.000 And it's very hard to stop.

00:28:17.000 If a guy, a strong guy, a strong wrestler, gets that shit locked up.

00:28:21.000 It's like doing a backwards row.

00:28:23.000 Yeah.

00:28:24.000 You just go like this.

00:28:25.000 It's nasty.

00:28:26.000 It's nasty.

00:28:27.000 Oh, man.

00:28:28.000 I'm sorry.

00:28:29.000 I'm sorry, Eric.

00:28:30.000 Eric.

00:28:32.000 Eric.

00:28:34.000 Last time he was Chris, right?

00:28:36.000 I know.

00:28:37.000 He was Chris, and you called him Chris, and then he was Chris on the message board for like weeks afterwards.

00:28:41.000 People just kept fucking torturing him, calling him Chris.

00:28:44.000 I'm Chris, I'm Eric.

00:28:46.000 Chris.

00:28:47.000 Chris, I'm Eric.

00:28:48.000 Eric.

00:28:48.000 I'm Christy.

00:28:49.000 Let's play nice-nice, Mr. Miller.

00:28:53.000 So when you do that show, I mean, without giving away too much of how the show is done.

00:28:59.000 What do you mean?

00:29:00.000 That episode was amazing.

00:29:01.000 Oh yeah, tweet it at me again and I'll tweet it back at you.

00:29:04.000 And we'll fucking do a double tweet back right now.

00:29:07.000 I mean, I had never been so happy.

00:29:09.000 That was like one of the most happiest episodes ever.

00:29:11.000 But this was the question, like how much is that coached?

00:29:14.000 Is that kid just being a douchey, that's his douchey self?

00:29:16.000 Is that real?

00:29:18.000 Dude...

00:29:19.000 It's totally real.

00:29:20.000 Nobody tells him, listen, let's ham it up for the camera.

00:29:23.000 We could go, let's...

00:29:25.000 We're beating up mentally disabled people.

00:29:28.000 I'm just joking.

00:29:32.000 Oh, man.

00:29:33.000 No, I don't know.

00:29:34.000 These guys are just, you know...

00:29:35.000 They're just super cocky.

00:29:36.000 They're knuckleheads, yeah.

00:29:37.000 They're knuckleheads.

00:29:38.000 Everybody has a knucklehead on the block, man.

00:29:40.000 Watch this joke.

00:29:41.000 So this kid...

00:29:42.000 This kid who got in there with you, this kid has no martial arts experience.

00:29:45.000 The best part about the whole thing is that the guy called me out, too.

00:29:49.000 And I was like, man, what a coincidence.

00:29:50.000 I was like, hey, buddy, what a coincidence.

00:29:52.000 He's like, you're next, bro.

00:29:54.000 And I'm like, I'm next.

00:29:55.000 I'm like, yeah, I am next because there's nobody in front of me.

00:29:58.000 Because he doesn't know.

00:29:59.000 He doesn't know that it's me.

00:30:01.000 And I busted out.

00:30:02.000 Man, it's a great episode.

00:30:03.000 I watched it.

00:30:04.000 Oh, you did?

00:30:05.000 Yeah.

00:30:05.000 Yeah, I watched it, dude.

00:30:07.000 It was like a tiger and a mouse.

00:30:09.000 You beat the fuck out of that kid.

00:30:10.000 You manhandled him.

00:30:12.000 But what people don't know is you were being very nice.

00:30:14.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:30:14.000 No, I was being surgical.

00:30:16.000 Surgical.

00:30:17.000 I was like being surgical.

00:30:19.000 I was like, all right, here he comes.

00:30:21.000 Even when you punched and kicked him, I could see you weren't kicking him that hard.

00:30:24.000 I'd just go give him one good one.

00:30:26.000 One good one, and that was it.

00:30:27.000 I knew you're not going to hurt him real bad if you just kick his leg.

00:30:31.000 Oh, my leg!

00:30:33.000 By the end of it, he was like, okay, I'm over this.

00:30:35.000 And you hit him with a body kick, is that what stopped him?

00:30:37.000 Yeah, the first thing I did, yeah, I hit him with a body kick.

00:30:40.000 I just let him come and kicked him with a body kick.

00:30:42.000 Yeah, and you didn't even hit him that hard.

00:30:43.000 No, no, it was with the shin pads on, too.

00:30:45.000 I'm like, man, come on, dude.

00:30:47.000 I was like, really?

00:30:48.000 It's kind of crazy, though, that you could ever get in a situation where a kid who's just some punk bully kid could ever get into a situation where he's on television and he's fighting you.

00:30:59.000 Well, welcome to America.

00:31:01.000 What a fucking...

00:31:03.000 Who sanctions this shit?

00:31:05.000 Who says this is okay?

00:31:07.000 Is it because it's a sparring session?

00:31:08.000 Is that what it is?

00:31:09.000 Yeah, we're in sparring gear.

00:31:10.000 Because you easily could have been the Strikeforce champion.

00:31:13.000 If you had ten more seconds in that round when you had Jake's back...

00:31:16.000 I say three.

00:31:17.000 Really?

00:31:17.000 You think you haven't?

00:31:18.000 Yeah, I had it.

00:31:19.000 You had it dark.

00:31:20.000 He was turning purple, the whole deal.

00:31:22.000 So, okay, you could have potentially been a world champion, and you're allowed to just get in there and beat the fuck out of some kid who's never really sparred, never really fought before, never competed.

00:31:33.000 It was beautiful.

00:31:35.000 Poor fuck.

00:31:36.000 That kid.

00:31:37.000 That kid, he might just...

00:31:39.000 I feel like there's some professional courtesy.

00:31:41.000 Turn into a gay hooker now.

00:31:42.000 He might just...

00:31:42.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:31:43.000 I mean, when somebody just...

00:31:44.000 A tranny hooker?

00:31:46.000 I think you'd be the hottest tranny hooker.

00:31:47.000 He might have so little self-esteem.

00:31:49.000 He might just start...

00:31:50.000 Just give up on life.

00:31:52.000 Ah, come on.

00:31:52.000 We're in America, bro.

00:31:53.000 That shit would devastate you, dude.

00:31:55.000 You're a young man, you think you're the shit, and you're an asshole, and you're an asshole on television, and these guys, he's really an asshole to those guys?

00:32:05.000 That wasn't bullshit?

00:32:06.000 If this guy grows from it, well, there you go.

00:32:11.000 I'm doing a service.

00:32:12.000 If he grows from it.

00:32:13.000 Yeah, if he grows from it.

00:32:14.000 He seems like it did, too.

00:32:15.000 Yeah, it's like, it grows or it's going to kill you.

00:32:17.000 You get two options.

00:32:18.000 Yeah.

00:32:19.000 Wait, are you trying to say that one of my contestants is going to go jump off a bridge because we got beat up on MTV's Bully Beatdown?

00:32:25.000 I think a lot of douchebags are in utter pain, and that's why they're douchebags.

00:32:30.000 Any big, huge, devastating thing like this could go one or two ways.

00:32:35.000 They could either learn from it and grow from it and realize they were being a shithead, or they just become devastated.

00:32:41.000 Dish!

00:32:41.000 Oh my god.

00:32:42.000 You just hit the rocks like this.

00:32:43.000 You're making me depressed about my job, Joe Rogan.

00:32:45.000 You just hit the rocks like this.

00:32:46.000 Boom.

00:32:47.000 That's just life.

00:32:48.000 What?

00:32:48.000 You think they're going to jump off into a harbor of some sort?

00:32:51.000 No.

00:32:51.000 I think they're in a boat, a speedboat, and they're headed towards the cliff.

00:32:54.000 They don't even bother slowing down.

00:32:56.000 You know what I think is going to happen?

00:32:57.000 I think that guy is going to go and beat the fuck out of those two guys that put on the show now.

00:33:02.000 I think he's going to be a super bully now, and he's going to hate them even more and fucking steal money for a moment.

00:33:06.000 And then I'll fight him in a cage to the death.

00:33:08.000 Whoa.

00:33:09.000 With a tire iron and a trash can lid as a shield.

00:33:13.000 Wow.

00:33:14.000 You've thought this out.

00:33:15.000 Would you have one of those leather straps inside the trash can?

00:33:18.000 Are you kidding me?

00:33:19.000 Why the hell not?

00:33:20.000 You don't want to hold the trash can handle, right?

00:33:22.000 You would want to customize that.

00:33:24.000 Yeah, to cover it around.

00:33:25.000 Actually, maybe we could do pipes.

00:33:28.000 Pipes that look cool.

00:33:29.000 Isn't it crazy that just a thousand years ago, that's how they were rocking it?

00:33:33.000 They had a shield and a sword, and that's how you took over a town.

00:33:37.000 Yeah.

00:33:38.000 Fucking A, man!

00:33:39.000 Could you imagine?

00:33:40.000 I'm just trying to think, what, in a thousand years or not?

00:33:42.000 Just trying to mind your own business, just chilling, hanging out with your wife and kids, and you see, over the horizon, a group of men with swords and shields.

00:33:51.000 You're like, these motherfuckers.

00:33:53.000 And they're just gonna come, and everybody they don't know, they're gonna fuck or kill.

00:33:57.000 What is it gonna be?

00:33:58.000 Fuck or kill.

00:34:02.000 Fuck then kill.

00:34:03.000 Kill then fuck.

00:34:04.000 That's the whole deal.

00:34:06.000 I think it sucks no matter who's coming over the hill trying to fuck or kill you.

00:34:10.000 It's amazing that people didn't just kill us.

00:34:12.000 I mean, I think there would be...

00:34:13.000 What?

00:34:13.000 Back then?

00:34:14.000 What are you talking about?

00:34:15.000 Get out of here, bro.

00:34:16.000 In the medieval days when people were hacking each other with swords, it's amazing people didn't say, I'm just going to jump off a fucking cliff.

00:34:21.000 Life sucks.

00:34:21.000 This is ridiculous.

00:34:23.000 Everywhere we go, there's fucking courts of barbarians coming over the hills with axes and shit.

00:34:27.000 That doesn't happen all the time.

00:34:28.000 That would happen one side every, you know, 16 weeks.

00:34:32.000 Like, you wouldn't like, you know, you'd just fucking leave.

00:34:36.000 You just leave?

00:34:37.000 Yeah, you just leave.

00:34:38.000 You're like, whatever.

00:34:38.000 All those fucking guys that Genghis Khan killed, they're just lazy.

00:34:43.000 Yeah.

00:34:43.000 They're just laying around.

00:34:45.000 They should have got out of there.

00:34:46.000 That's business, bro.

00:34:47.000 Everybody's gonna die.

00:34:48.000 I'd rather get hacked up by barbarians than fucking go out the way I'm probably gonna go.

00:34:52.000 Whoa, wait a minute.

00:34:53.000 How are you planning on going out?

00:34:55.000 How are you planning on going out that's worse than getting hacked up by barbarians?

00:34:58.000 Did you talk to Dr. Phil about this when you were on the show?

00:35:02.000 Whatever, bro.

00:35:03.000 That would be more fun.

00:35:04.000 Worst ways to die?

00:35:05.000 That's right up there, bro.

00:35:06.000 No way, bro.

00:35:06.000 You'd just be like, oh shit, and then dead.

00:35:09.000 Maybe not.

00:35:10.000 Maybe they gut you.

00:35:11.000 Maybe they hang you by your ankles.

00:35:12.000 I'm saying, but I would fight the guy for sure.

00:35:14.000 They would have to fucking kill me.

00:35:15.000 Okay.

00:35:16.000 I'm fighting him back.

00:35:17.000 Sure.

00:35:17.000 I hear you.

00:35:18.000 Right?

00:35:18.000 You wouldn't fight him back?

00:35:19.000 You might get a couple of them.

00:35:21.000 Do him with a sword and doesn't know what you can do?

00:35:23.000 Fuck it.

00:35:24.000 I'll double leg the dude and then fucking steal his sword.

00:35:26.000 Right off his fucking back of his horse.

00:35:28.000 Man, I already thought about this.

00:35:30.000 Tackle the dude off of his horse.

00:35:32.000 Then fucking grab his sword and just take out as many as I can.

00:35:35.000 Hopefully it'll be a Jackie Chan scene.

00:35:36.000 But if not, fuck it.

00:35:38.000 Whatever.

00:35:38.000 I'll just go out and fucking arm his arm.

00:35:42.000 Fuck!

00:35:42.000 Would you have a different strategy if a dude had a double-edged sword or a single-edged sword?

00:35:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:47.000 You would look at him, you'd say, the single-edged sword, this guy fucked up.

00:35:49.000 I would try to make an assessment as much as possible, but if they're just coming, they're coming.

00:35:54.000 Oh, man.

00:35:55.000 I hit your microphone.

00:35:56.000 Man, this fucking bunker's falling apart, bro.

00:35:58.000 Let me fix it.

00:35:59.000 Patch this place up, man.

00:36:00.000 I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

00:36:03.000 There is, obviously.

00:36:04.000 I think you just keep hitting it.

00:36:05.000 All right, there.

00:36:06.000 Nah, man.

00:36:07.000 Oh.

00:36:07.000 Hello?

00:36:08.000 All right.

00:36:09.000 Anyway, what the hell are we talking about, barbarians?

00:36:11.000 Let's get into something different.

00:36:12.000 Because now I'm talking about...

00:36:13.000 What a strange conversation that is that dudes always have.

00:36:16.000 If a guy was coming at you with a sword...

00:36:18.000 Yeah, I know.

00:36:19.000 We're totally dooting out right now.

00:36:21.000 Yo, bro, you know what?

00:36:22.000 A bear could fucking definitely kill a walrus so quick.

00:36:26.000 Those are the best, though, when there's instructionals online where dudes are defending against swords.

00:36:31.000 Yeah, what do you mean?

00:36:32.000 I've seen it.

00:36:33.000 Well, you know, sometimes you've got to worry about that.

00:36:35.000 When I was a kid, I was, like, always reading those karate magazines, like, well, why would you have to fight a dude with a knife?

00:36:41.000 I'm like, damn, that sucks.

00:36:42.000 And if he...

00:36:43.000 I figured the guy already knows...

00:36:45.000 If you're getting stabbed, the dude's just going to stab you anyway, right?

00:36:49.000 Right.

00:36:50.000 You know what I mean?

00:36:51.000 If he's not going to show you, that would be the best way to get stabbed.

00:36:56.000 No one's going to come at you for the karate chop.

00:36:59.000 Well, maybe if they want to threaten you, they want to show it to you before they stick you.

00:37:01.000 Oh, but you know that now you have to jump and do the disarm?

00:37:03.000 Yeah.

00:37:03.000 Most people will stab you.

00:37:04.000 They don't even want you to know they're going to stab you.

00:37:06.000 Right?

00:37:06.000 They try to sneak in on you.

00:37:08.000 Ding!

00:37:09.000 Well, like what?

00:37:11.000 That was racist, bro.

00:37:12.000 A little racist, bro.

00:37:13.000 Red band, what?

00:37:13.000 Isn't that amazing that just saying noises like that could be racist if you said that?

00:37:16.000 Would you say ping-ping-chong?

00:37:18.000 No, I just said ding-dong.

00:37:20.000 No, you said ching-chong, bro.

00:37:21.000 You sounded like an Asian person from a 1950s movie.

00:37:24.000 I know I would never offend Asians around man.

00:37:27.000 You know what's the craziest thing?

00:37:29.000 In the back of the day, man, those black and white movies, they used to have, what was that fucking...

00:37:34.000 There was one television show that they used to do, or a movie series they used to do, about a Chinese detective.

00:37:43.000 And they had a white guy playing the Chinese detective.

00:37:47.000 Is this Jeopardy?

00:37:47.000 I know, man.

00:37:48.000 You're like...

00:37:49.000 It's an old-ass show.

00:37:51.000 I'm sure someone on Twitter will know what it is.

00:37:53.000 It was an old-ass show.

00:37:55.000 What was it again?

00:37:55.000 It was a white dude, but he played this Chinese detective.

00:37:59.000 Oh, really?

00:38:00.000 This wise, old Asian detective.

00:38:02.000 But it was a white dude who played it.

00:38:04.000 And they had him in all this goofy...

00:38:05.000 It was goofy-ass makeup.

00:38:06.000 Because it's like 1930 and shit.

00:38:08.000 Oh, that?

00:38:09.000 Yeah.

00:38:10.000 And so they had this dude...

00:38:12.000 Well, you know what?

00:38:12.000 I can understand that.

00:38:13.000 Back then, nobody knew Asian people.

00:38:15.000 You couldn't get a good Chinese actor.

00:38:16.000 You couldn't get a good Chinese actor in that.

00:38:18.000 And they didn't want to give the job to the actor.

00:38:20.000 Charlie Chan, thank you.

00:38:21.000 How did I not remember that?

00:38:23.000 I almost had that without even knowing what the fuck you were talking about.

00:38:26.000 I think I blocked Charlie out of my mind because of Jackie.

00:38:29.000 I think I was going to say because of Vietnam.

00:38:31.000 Jackie Chan?

00:38:32.000 No.

00:38:33.000 Vietnam.

00:38:34.000 Oh, the word Charlie?

00:38:36.000 What the fuck?

00:38:38.000 What the fuck is wrong with you?

00:38:41.000 That's so crazy.

00:38:43.000 I was like, how did Joe Rogan not get that?

00:38:46.000 Charlie Chan.

00:38:46.000 He never watched Army movies, bro?

00:38:48.000 He never played Call of Duty Black Ops?

00:38:50.000 He hasn't.

00:38:51.000 No, I haven't.

00:38:51.000 I've been trying to get him to play that.

00:38:52.000 But Bruce Buffer, when I was at the airport, Bruce Buffer was playing Call of Duty while I was waiting for his plane.

00:38:57.000 Yeah.

00:38:57.000 We were in England.

00:38:58.000 Bro, I have played EA Sports.

00:38:59.000 Jack's dudes with his laptop.

00:39:02.000 Really?

00:39:02.000 Yeah.

00:39:02.000 That's awesome.

00:39:03.000 Yeah, he was sitting there with his fucking...

00:39:04.000 He's got his, like, diamonds on and shit, and his, you know, his silver Distinguished hair, and he's sitting there on his MacBook playing Call of Duty Jack of Duty.

00:39:11.000 How could he do it with his mouse pad, though?

00:39:13.000 That seems so hard.

00:39:14.000 Oh, he just doesn't.

00:39:14.000 I don't know.

00:39:15.000 I don't know.

00:39:15.000 He's moving his fingers around.

00:39:16.000 It does seem pretty hard.

00:39:17.000 Yeah, that ain't the way to run.

00:39:18.000 I'll try that, though.

00:39:19.000 Whatever.

00:39:19.000 Well, I mean, he seemed to be doing it, you know?

00:39:23.000 Yeah, I got it in 3D, Jay.

00:39:25.000 Have you played in 3D yet?

00:39:26.000 What?

00:39:27.000 Oh, yeah!

00:39:28.000 And you can look down the sniper thing and it looks like it's just this huge sniper tunnel.

00:39:33.000 No way.

00:39:34.000 It's so cool.

00:39:34.000 And this is because you have the 3D TV too, right?

00:39:37.000 I have that too, bro.

00:39:38.000 I know.

00:39:39.000 Bump it.

00:39:39.000 Boop.

00:39:41.000 Both of you have 3D TVs.

00:39:42.000 We're nerds!

00:39:43.000 Innovators, motherfucker.

00:39:44.000 You are a nerd.

00:39:45.000 That's what a lot of people don't know, man.

00:39:46.000 You're a big-time computer nerd.

00:39:48.000 I like computers.

00:39:49.000 Who doesn't?

00:39:50.000 They're fucking amazing.

00:39:51.000 I like this information in a box.

00:39:54.000 It's something more than that, man.

00:39:56.000 It's everything.

00:39:57.000 It's people.

00:39:58.000 The whole fucking universe is connecting through these things.

00:40:01.000 We're going to eventually share one giant consciousness.

00:40:04.000 It's all going to be connected through electronics.

00:40:07.000 Yeah, huh.

00:40:07.000 That's what it is.

00:40:08.000 Yeah, right?

00:40:08.000 It's just happening nice and slowly.

00:40:10.000 Nice and slowly, it's inevitable.

00:40:12.000 It's going in that direction for sure.

00:40:14.000 All this WikiLeaks shit, what this WikiLeaks shit represents is a new ethic.

00:40:19.000 What's going on is that there's going to be no more secrets anymore.

00:40:23.000 You can't have them anymore.

00:40:25.000 The exchange of information between people is going to be, at one point, it's going to be instantaneous and it's going to be all-encompassing.

00:40:31.000 We're going to have everything I know about you and everything you know about me, we're going to know everything about each other.

00:40:37.000 It's just inevitable.

00:40:38.000 You're telling me you're going to plug a chip into my brain?

00:40:40.000 We're going to blend into one thing.

00:40:43.000 I'm telling you, this is without a doubt where we're headed.

00:40:46.000 There's no question.

00:40:47.000 You're talking in a year or 3,000?

00:40:49.000 Well, obviously, look, if something crazy happens, like an asteroid or a tsunami...

00:40:53.000 Oh, we're fucking each other up, for sure.

00:40:55.000 Yo, I was talking to my manager the other day, my business manager, Matt, who's a great guy, and he's not a conspiracy theorist.

00:41:00.000 He's a real level-headed dude, and he lives in...

00:41:03.000 I don't want to say where he lives, but I said, do you ever think about living near the ocean?

00:41:07.000 Do you ever think about getting a place on the water?

00:41:09.000 That'd be kind of dope.

00:41:10.000 And he goes, yeah, but I think about tsunamis.

00:41:14.000 And I'm like, wow, yeah, you should think about tsunamis.

00:41:16.000 Fuck, we all should think about tsunamis.

00:41:18.000 At any point in time, the Earth could just decide to move a little bit, and a mile-high wall of water heads towards Los Angeles.

00:41:27.000 Like, that shit's real, man.

00:41:29.000 That could happen.

00:41:30.000 Absolutely.

00:41:30.000 Or we get hit by an asteroid, something falls into the ocean, and a mile-high wall of water heads towards Los Angeles.

00:41:37.000 Could you fucking imagine?

00:41:39.000 Could you imagine?

00:41:41.000 It's part of the charm of the city.

00:41:42.000 Yeah.

00:41:45.000 You're going to die at any time.

00:41:47.000 It might be the only time.

00:41:47.000 Every time I'm in a parking garage in Los Angeles, I'm like, oh, this might be the time.

00:41:50.000 Is that why you live in the fucking top of a goddamn mountain?

00:41:52.000 Is that where you're getting at?

00:41:53.000 Yeah, absolutely.

00:41:54.000 You live on a...

00:41:55.000 I have to drive all the way up a mountain because you're worried...

00:41:58.000 You're lucky I don't live in Colorado, bro.

00:42:00.000 We'd only be seeing each other when I come to LA. If it wasn't for my wife getting pregnant, I'd still be in Colorado.

00:42:05.000 You're worried about the water?

00:42:07.000 Dude, I worry about everything.

00:42:08.000 I'm a fucking freak.

00:42:09.000 I worry about meteor impacts.

00:42:10.000 I worry about the shifting of the polar ice caps.

00:42:13.000 I worry about pollution.

00:42:14.000 I worry about war.

00:42:15.000 Bro, you should go downhill mountain biking.

00:42:18.000 That's going to fix everything?

00:42:19.000 No, I think it needs to go skiing.

00:42:20.000 Nah, bro.

00:42:21.000 Well, I would, except I watched a detailed report on TV where a lady who was downhill mountain biking got attacked by a fucking mountain lion who ate her head.

00:42:29.000 Nice.

00:42:30.000 Don't you want to die like a cool wave?

00:42:32.000 Her friend was beating the mountain lion with a stick as it was dragging her screaming, bleeding friend with her face torn off into the bushes, and he's beating it with a stick.

00:42:42.000 So?

00:42:44.000 I saw that lady on TV, man, and I'm like, I don't think I'll be mountain biking.

00:42:48.000 That shit didn't happen to you, but it could have shit.

00:42:51.000 So that shit didn't happen to you.

00:42:52.000 That's hilarious.

00:42:54.000 Yeah, who cares?

00:42:55.000 You should do something outside your comfort zone, bro.

00:42:58.000 You think?

00:42:59.000 Yeah, yeah, for sure.

00:43:00.000 Skiing or something.

00:43:00.000 But I'm not comfortable with anything.

00:43:02.000 Oh, you're not?

00:43:04.000 Water boat.

00:43:04.000 What do I need to do that's outside my comfort zone?

00:43:06.000 Tell me, master.

00:43:07.000 I just feel like, don't be scared of life, bro.

00:43:11.000 No, listen, I'm half fucking around.

00:43:14.000 I would totally mountain bike.

00:43:15.000 You're making me nervous.

00:43:16.000 I would half fuck around.

00:43:16.000 But you know, my dog was eaten by a mountain lion.

00:43:18.000 And I saw the mountain lion.

00:43:20.000 Wait, so you think there's some mountain lion with a, like, help for you?

00:43:23.000 Out to get him.

00:43:23.000 You understand what I'm saying, right?

00:43:30.000 I'm saying I have personal experience with them.

00:43:33.000 I know that they're dangerous as fuck.

00:43:36.000 If you're going to go mountain biking around here, you're going to run into mountain lions.

00:43:39.000 Nah.

00:43:39.000 You can.

00:43:40.000 It's possible.

00:43:41.000 Whatever.

00:43:42.000 Percentage-wise, you'd probably be okay.

00:43:45.000 I would fight them for a minute.

00:43:46.000 Oh, you'd be fine.

00:43:47.000 You know what to do, but a girl on a fucking bike.

00:43:51.000 Very rare.

00:43:52.000 Very rare.

00:43:53.000 They don't fuck with men.

00:43:53.000 They have killed women.

00:43:55.000 They killed a 19-year-old girl last year in Canada.

00:43:57.000 Singer.

00:43:58.000 Is this a recording contract?

00:43:59.000 It's because of the period blood.

00:44:00.000 It's hot shit.

00:44:04.000 He wasn't even trying to be funny.

00:44:07.000 That's because he's got an animal mind.

00:44:10.000 Mayhem's got an animal mind.

00:44:12.000 Just thinking about it.

00:44:14.000 He's just thinking about it.

00:44:15.000 That's what I would smell.

00:44:16.000 I'd smell her period blood, for sure.

00:44:18.000 I'd be smelling that shit, and I think I'm going to eat this bitch.

00:44:20.000 How do you think I'd get all my girlfriends, bro?

00:44:22.000 Yeah, man.

00:44:23.000 Getting killed by wolves is pretty rare, too.

00:44:25.000 We've talked about that recently on the podcast.

00:44:28.000 I didn't know that wolves have killed people as recently as this year.

00:44:31.000 Yeah.

00:44:32.000 Wolves killed some women.

00:44:33.000 You're a food source, and you're in their little sector by yourself?

00:44:37.000 Yeah.

00:44:38.000 Oh, you're fucked up.

00:44:38.000 Isn't it weird, though, that we have this weird thing with wolves where, you know, it used to be everyone was aware that wolves were really dangerous.

00:44:45.000 Yeah, but we came backwards now, huh?

00:44:48.000 We went backwards.

00:44:49.000 We're like, because wolves are, we dumbed down the wolf.

00:44:52.000 We fucked up.

00:44:53.000 We fucked them up so hardcore that we feel bad that we fucked them up.

00:44:56.000 But the reason we fucked them up is because wolves were eating babies and shit.

00:44:59.000 They were eating people.

00:45:01.000 Wolves have eaten people before.

00:45:03.000 There was a kid in 2005 that got eaten by a wolf, and there was this woman that got killed by a wolf this year.

00:45:07.000 They fucking killed people.

00:45:08.000 Wait, so I take it you don't go camping or anything?

00:45:10.000 Dude, I've been camping once, and a bear attacked our cooler, walked all over our car, tore our cooler to shreds.

00:45:16.000 Bro, maybe it's your destiny to get eaten by an animal.

00:45:18.000 You should just fucking Do it, bro.

00:45:20.000 Should I go with it?

00:45:21.000 Yeah, bro!

00:45:22.000 Or you should unsubscribe to Discovery.

00:45:23.000 Yeah, I'd be the first dude to die by ostrich bite.

00:45:25.000 Bro, you maybe...

00:45:26.000 You just need to turn off the Discovery channel at your house.

00:45:30.000 That would be embarrassing, man, for all my friends.

00:45:33.000 How'd he die?

00:45:34.000 Fucking ostrich kicked his ass and ate him.

00:45:37.000 Right?

00:45:38.000 Like, fuck, he was covered in feathers, bro.

00:45:40.000 Look at Steve Irwin.

00:45:41.000 Meanwhile, ostriches, if they kick you, you're fucked.

00:45:43.000 Oh, of course.

00:45:44.000 Your guts will fall out of you.

00:45:46.000 They have giant...

00:45:49.000 I just got a whole new box set.

00:45:54.000 Can I get your leftovers every once in a while?

00:45:57.000 Can I? I'll turn you on to some shit.

00:45:58.000 Yes!

00:45:59.000 No, I don't mean to turn me on like, I don't want to buy it myself.

00:46:02.000 Just let me borrow some DVDs.

00:46:03.000 Okay, I'll give you some DVDs.

00:46:04.000 I got some shit for you.

00:46:05.000 I got some interesting stuff.

00:46:06.000 You should switch to cartoons for a year or two.

00:46:08.000 I can't do it, dude.

00:46:09.000 I can't do it.

00:46:10.000 You know, this is what I do.

00:46:11.000 Okay, I'll go through my DVR. I'll see like, I watch HDNet fights.

00:46:15.000 I'll watch like that Anthony Bourdain no reservation show.

00:46:18.000 I see if there's any boxing matches that I missed.

00:46:21.000 And then I just go straight to all the space shows.

00:46:23.000 It's all the universe or it's all like some crazy shit on the science channel.

00:46:28.000 That's the only thing that's interesting to me.

00:46:29.000 I can't watch shows like a drama or a sitcom.

00:46:33.000 I can't do it.

00:46:34.000 I just, I can't do it.

00:46:35.000 I'll watch it for five minutes and I'll just go, oh!

00:46:40.000 Every now and then, Breaking Bad, I'll watch a cool drama.

00:46:43.000 Those are fun.

00:46:44.000 When I was getting tattooed, I was watching Breaking Bad.

00:46:48.000 I watched a bunch of it.

00:46:49.000 I watched two seasons of it.

00:46:50.000 It's pretty awesome.

00:46:51.000 I watched Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

00:46:52.000 Is that good?

00:46:53.000 God, it's a funny show.

00:46:54.000 What's that?

00:46:54.000 It's probably one of the best shows ever, man.

00:46:57.000 I think so, man.

00:46:58.000 What network is that on?

00:46:58.000 It's so well written.

00:47:00.000 It's a great man.

00:47:01.000 It's damn well written.

00:47:03.000 I think it's FX. It is FX, right?

00:47:06.000 FX, FX, yeah.

00:47:08.000 It's on FX. I think it's the same night as my show.

00:47:10.000 Really?

00:47:11.000 Damn, you're fucking pumping up a competitor.

00:47:12.000 No, I know, but I watch it.

00:47:14.000 It's like my show's on, and then you can change the channel, and there's your...

00:47:18.000 We live in TiVo land.

00:47:19.000 Yeah, that is so true.

00:47:21.000 You're really not competing with anything.

00:47:22.000 We're not competing with anything.

00:47:23.000 Just save this.

00:47:24.000 The only time I watch things as they're happening is fights.

00:47:26.000 Yeah, me too.

00:47:27.000 If you need to know that it's...

00:47:28.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:47:29.000 I mean, that's just how life is, but Oysun is really good, man.

00:47:32.000 They have so many great characters and stuff, and it's well-written.

00:47:35.000 Did you watch the Manny Pacquiao fight man?

00:47:38.000 Yeah, man with my dad and a hunting trip It was awesome like sit out there in the country watching many back Yeah, my dad like screaming and yelling like for the wrong guy like what man that's not even pack Yeah, that's slingbox.

00:47:50.000 I watched it on my laptop in London.

00:47:53.000 Oh, yeah Glory damn that motherfuckers good.

00:47:57.000 Yeah, he's I wonder, though, with his style, though, you know, I wonder if he could fuck with Floyd Mayweather.

00:48:03.000 No, I know.

00:48:03.000 That's what everybody wants to see.

00:48:04.000 I still don't know.

00:48:05.000 I still don't know.

00:48:06.000 If you look at the way Floyd Mayweather, the way he just handled Manuel Marquez.

00:48:12.000 Yeah.

00:48:12.000 You know?

00:48:13.000 Yeah.

00:48:13.000 Juan Manuel Marquez.

00:48:16.000 Style-wise, though.

00:48:17.000 I think style-wise, it matches up pretty good.

00:48:19.000 Like, I think Manny matches up pretty good.

00:48:21.000 I think that...

00:48:22.000 Yeah, Marquez couldn't do shit to Floyd, though.

00:48:24.000 And Marquez and Mayweather went to war.

00:48:26.000 They went to war twice.

00:48:27.000 Yeah, I know.

00:48:28.000 Dude, Floyd just shut all that shit down.

00:48:30.000 But Pacquiao's fast.

00:48:32.000 Pacquiao is pretty good.

00:48:33.000 He's fast, and he moves well, takes a good shot.

00:48:36.000 And Mayweather got rocked real bad by Mosley.

00:48:40.000 That kind of showed that, oh, okay, you can get touched.

00:48:43.000 Yeah, he got tagged.

00:48:45.000 Yeah, he got tagged real good.

00:48:46.000 That one punch really kind of fucked it up for Mosley because he stopped boxing and started bombing.

00:48:51.000 He lost his rhythm.

00:48:53.000 He got angry.

00:48:54.000 Yeah, he lost his rhythm.

00:48:56.000 That was a tough fight for him anyway.

00:48:57.000 That dude is...

00:48:58.000 It's amazing.

00:48:59.000 When you see boxers, it's so strange that boxers can compete at that high a level when they're like 40. He's like 39, right?

00:49:06.000 Yeah, it's business.

00:49:07.000 Some guys can keep going, and some guys, it just all falls apart.

00:49:12.000 It's interesting.

00:49:12.000 Look at Hopkins.

00:49:13.000 Is he so technical?

00:49:15.000 45, 46 years old.

00:49:17.000 He's still fighting.

00:49:18.000 That's incredible, man.

00:49:19.000 Yeah, it is.

00:49:20.000 Undoubtedly, man.

00:49:21.000 At the end of the day, that's what's the most important in every combat sport.

00:49:25.000 It's technique.

00:49:26.000 All that ferocity and everything, it's so important.

00:49:28.000 You have to have it.

00:49:30.000 You have to have strength.

00:49:30.000 You have to have endurance.

00:49:31.000 You have to have fighter spirit.

00:49:33.000 But what's most important is technique.

00:49:36.000 All that other shit, you can have too.

00:49:38.000 All that other shit has to be processed through technique, though.

00:49:41.000 And guys that just rely on one thing, that just rely on their aggressiveness or rely on their athleticism.

00:49:46.000 How many times have you watched guys fight in MMA on TV and you see...

00:49:51.000 Like a guy that's like super hyper-aggressive, but yet he's got all these holes in his stand-up, and he's dropping his hands goofy, and he's not turning his kicks over, but he's just super aggressive, and that's how he's winning.

00:50:00.000 He's beating guys by just being...

00:50:01.000 And you're like, this guy's just like...

00:50:03.000 Eventually, he's going to run into a guy that's as tough as him, but is technical, and then he's fucked.

00:50:08.000 Yeah, of course.

00:50:09.000 That always happens.

00:50:09.000 It's just the style.

00:50:10.000 I was like, this guy's got smarter technique.

00:50:13.000 You know what I mean?

00:50:14.000 That's like the big battle, isn't it?

00:50:15.000 Isn't it?

00:50:16.000 You know?

00:50:16.000 Isn't it?

00:50:17.000 Yeah.

00:50:18.000 Man, the life of a martial artist, a professional mixed martial artist, that has got to be a trippy way to fucking pay your bills, son.

00:50:25.000 Isn't it?

00:50:26.000 I know.

00:50:27.000 There's been moments where I've stood across the ring from someone, and I'm like, I'm about to fight another grown man on national television.

00:50:36.000 I'm like, this is my life right now.

00:50:37.000 Do you try to squash those thoughts, or you just go, well, it is what it is?

00:50:41.000 No, what do you mean?

00:50:42.000 I just go, ha, ha, ha.

00:50:44.000 I'm about to fight somebody on TV. So you laugh.

00:50:48.000 So you think it's funny.

00:50:48.000 In my head, yeah.

00:50:49.000 I'm like, it's so weird.

00:50:50.000 Like, whatever.

00:50:51.000 You know, you just take a different path in your life.

00:50:53.000 You're like, oh, this is what I'm doing.

00:50:54.000 You know?

00:50:55.000 It's, I don't know.

00:50:56.000 It's very strange.

00:50:57.000 It's very different.

00:50:58.000 But, I mean, you know, it's just my job.

00:51:00.000 Like, this is what I'm going to do.

00:51:02.000 It's a crazy-ass way to make a living, son.

00:51:04.000 Yep.

00:51:05.000 That's a crazy-ass way.

00:51:08.000 It's business.

00:51:09.000 Don't cry for me, bro.

00:51:11.000 What are you talking about?

00:51:11.000 I'm not crying.

00:51:12.000 We're just talking.

00:51:13.000 I know.

00:51:13.000 That's what I mean.

00:51:14.000 My life to other people would be horrific.

00:51:17.000 Getting on stage and doing comedy or talking in front of you.

00:51:20.000 I never even realized that that is a lot of people's number one fear.

00:51:24.000 I'm like, what?

00:51:25.000 Why?

00:51:26.000 Have you done it lately?

00:51:27.000 I don't want to be judged.

00:51:28.000 Have you done it lately?

00:51:29.000 Me?

00:51:30.000 No.

00:51:30.000 I mean, Ella's show and...

00:51:33.000 Right.

00:51:34.000 There's a new place you need to check out.

00:51:35.000 They want me to do a show on the 16th.

00:51:39.000 On what?

00:51:40.000 Huh?

00:51:41.000 A show on the 16th?

00:51:42.000 Yeah.

00:51:43.000 Of what?

00:51:43.000 December?

00:51:44.000 Yeah.

00:51:44.000 Should I do it?

00:51:45.000 Joe Rogan?

00:51:46.000 A comedy show?

00:51:46.000 Yeah.

00:51:46.000 Hell yeah.

00:51:47.000 You could totally do it.

00:51:48.000 All right.

00:51:48.000 What do I talk about, though?

00:51:49.000 Anything.

00:51:50.000 Write a bunch of shit down.

00:51:51.000 All right.

00:51:51.000 The 16th, what's today's date?

00:51:53.000 Talk about the blood in your store.

00:51:54.000 Today is the 29th?

00:51:56.000 December 16th.

00:51:56.000 Oh, so you've got like, how many days are in November?

00:51:59.000 November 30?

00:52:02.000 Yeah.

00:52:02.000 30?

00:52:03.000 So I've got that long to do it.

00:52:04.000 I can do it.

00:52:05.000 17 days, man.

00:52:06.000 I'll say some funny shit.

00:52:07.000 Yeah, you know what?

00:52:07.000 How much time do you have to go up for?

00:52:09.000 I don't know.

00:52:10.000 I'll figure it out.

00:52:10.000 This is the key word I want you to use.

00:52:12.000 Period blood.

00:52:13.000 Those two words.

00:52:14.000 Yeah.

00:52:14.000 Use those.

00:52:15.000 And coyotes.

00:52:16.000 That was a zinger, right?

00:52:17.000 Period blood.

00:52:18.000 No.

00:52:19.000 I'm going to steal that shit.

00:52:20.000 No, it's good.

00:52:20.000 I'm going to use it from the...

00:52:22.000 All right, you guys are seeing.

00:52:23.000 If I go up on the 16th, if they improv...

00:52:28.000 This should be the punchline.

00:52:30.000 Period blood.

00:52:32.000 That would just be the punchline.

00:52:34.000 I guess girls would think about that shit if they got in the water, too.

00:52:36.000 That sharks would bite their pussy.

00:52:38.000 Right?

00:52:39.000 You know?

00:52:39.000 I mean, my God.

00:52:41.000 Could you fucking imagine?

00:52:42.000 The thought...

00:52:44.000 That's how you dye your hair color.

00:52:45.000 The shark is going for your pussy because he smells your period.

00:52:50.000 Someone must have died like that somewhere along the line.

00:52:53.000 Some girl must have died and a pussy eaten out by a shark.

00:52:56.000 She must have.

00:52:57.000 You're right.

00:52:57.000 It must have happened.

00:52:58.000 With all the people that have been killed by sharks for all the hundreds of thousands of years people have been on this planet.

00:53:02.000 Undoubtedly.

00:53:03.000 Fuck yeah.

00:53:04.000 Yeah.

00:53:04.000 Dude, you can't get me in that fucking water.

00:53:06.000 That water can suck my dick.

00:53:08.000 What's wrong with you, dude?

00:53:08.000 Some kid just got bit in half in San Bernardino.

00:53:11.000 Time the fuck out.

00:53:11.000 Not San Bernardino, Santa Barbara.

00:53:13.000 What's wrong with you, bro?

00:53:14.000 Why are you so scared of the entire world?

00:53:16.000 I'm not scared.

00:53:16.000 I'm fascinated.

00:53:17.000 I'm fascinated.

00:53:18.000 You're scared, though.

00:53:19.000 But I'm not.

00:53:20.000 I just don't think that getting eaten by a shark is worth the thrill of surfing.

00:53:24.000 Bullshit, bro.

00:53:25.000 You've never surfed before.

00:53:26.000 Fuck that.

00:53:26.000 I don't need to, son.

00:53:28.000 You don't want to go mountain biking because the fucking mountain lions will eat you.

00:53:32.000 You don't want to go surfing because the fucking sharks will eat you.

00:53:36.000 Breaking it down.

00:53:37.000 Exactly.

00:53:38.000 Okay?

00:53:39.000 Yes.

00:53:39.000 What the fuck?

00:53:41.000 Those are monsters, and I try to avoid monsters in my everyday life.

00:53:45.000 You don't want to go roller skating.

00:53:46.000 Especially monsters in the water, man.

00:53:48.000 At least a mountain lion, you might be able to fucking get them in a guillotine.

00:53:51.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:53:52.000 A mountain lion might fuck up.

00:53:53.000 No, you can't.

00:53:54.000 Dude.

00:53:55.000 A mountain lion might fuck up.

00:53:56.000 You might get on top.

00:53:57.000 You might sprawl.

00:53:58.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:53:59.000 You might take his back.

00:54:01.000 You might take that mountain lion's back.

00:54:03.000 Wait, now you're head shucking a mountain lion?

00:54:05.000 That's what you're going to do?

00:54:06.000 You're going to sling them down to the ground?

00:54:08.000 You're darting a mountain lion.

00:54:09.000 I'll dart the fuck out of him in his stupid, fucking, dirty, stinky, shit-covered paws.

00:54:14.000 Fuck a mountain lion.

00:54:15.000 But a shark will eat your asshole.

00:54:17.000 There's not much you can do about it.

00:54:19.000 Wait, you're bleeding out of your asshole a lot?

00:54:21.000 He's going to eat you.

00:54:22.000 He's going to come up from behind so you don't even see him coming.

00:54:25.000 And he's just going to start eating you.

00:54:27.000 So what, bro?

00:54:28.000 That's the risk we all take of living here on Mother Earth.

00:54:31.000 The Great Gaia.

00:54:32.000 That's beautiful, man.

00:54:33.000 I know, right?

00:54:33.000 I try to avoid being a part of the food chain, except the top part.

00:54:36.000 Yeah, but nobody...

00:54:37.000 Listen, the chances that you're going to get eaten by an animal while doing an outdoor activity are very low.

00:54:45.000 They're way, way higher than if you don't go to those places where the monsters are.

00:54:49.000 Yeah!

00:54:52.000 I find that the best way to cut down on the possibility of getting eaten by monsters is to not go near the monsters.

00:54:59.000 Bro, so would you go hang gliding?

00:55:02.000 What am I, a fucking bird?

00:55:06.000 Listen, man, that's a dumbass way to go.

00:55:09.000 Smashing into the rocks from an errant breeze.

00:55:11.000 Oh, whoops, now I'm dead.

00:55:13.000 He doesn't want to go hang gliding because he might get eaten by a pterodactyl.

00:55:17.000 Brian, why don't you tell him the story about your dad and parachuting?

00:55:20.000 Yeah, no, paragliding?

00:55:21.000 Why don't you tell it?

00:55:22.000 Wait, I already know this story before you even tell it.

00:55:25.000 But that's the type of thing...

00:55:27.000 I bet you don't.

00:55:27.000 Parachuting or paragliding?

00:55:29.000 Parachuting.

00:55:30.000 So he jumped out the fucking thing and died?

00:55:32.000 No, no, no.

00:55:32.000 This is his dad.

00:55:33.000 His dad.

00:55:34.000 Brian.

00:55:35.000 My dad worked with somebody that every week she was like, Hey, you need to come...

00:55:39.000 You know, skydiving with me, because she did it every weekend.

00:55:42.000 And he was, like, thinking about it, even though he didn't want to.

00:55:45.000 And one day, she died.

00:55:46.000 She jumped out, and I guess, like, her emergency parachute went with her regular parachute.

00:55:51.000 She dances with the devil, bro.

00:55:53.000 To me, that was, like, one out of one million, though.

00:55:56.000 I would never parachute, but...

00:55:58.000 I think Joe should go roller skating, and if not, I want to know what it's excuses.

00:56:00.000 I've heard plenty of bad stories.

00:56:02.000 I'm not scared.

00:56:04.000 Don'tbescaredhomie.com.

00:56:06.000 That's what I should use that website for, to put, like, don't be scared, homie.

00:56:10.000 Sure, after the fight.

00:56:11.000 Yeah, that is a good idea, man.

00:56:13.000 Look, you know, think about, like, what would Tyler Durden do.com.

00:56:17.000 They have that site.

00:56:18.000 They have that?

00:56:18.000 Yeah.

00:56:18.000 Oh, yeah, it's a cool site.

00:56:19.000 The biggest company.

00:56:20.000 Brian's friend.

00:56:21.000 Yeah.

00:56:21.000 Brian interacts with that guy.

00:56:23.000 Oh, I want him to help me.

00:56:24.000 He's funny.

00:56:25.000 Dude, man.

00:56:25.000 What would Tyler Durden guy...

00:56:27.000 It's WTDD. He says some funny shit, man.

00:56:30.000 He's got some really good, like, one-liners on things that are going on the news.

00:56:35.000 He's a funny guy.

00:56:36.000 Yeah, he's funny.

00:56:37.000 And he hates Paris Hilton a lot.

00:56:39.000 Oh, he's the anti...

00:56:40.000 He's the anti...

00:56:41.000 Perez Hilton?

00:56:43.000 Perez Hilton.

00:56:43.000 No, Perez, yeah.

00:56:44.000 No, you're not Paris, bro.

00:56:45.000 I mean, the guy.

00:56:46.000 No, no, no.

00:56:47.000 He hates Paris.

00:56:48.000 Oh, he hates Paris.

00:56:48.000 Yeah, his tweets on Paris are hilarious.

00:56:52.000 Really?

00:56:53.000 Yeah.

00:56:53.000 Why would he hate her?

00:56:54.000 She's just some lost child.

00:56:55.000 Why would he give a fuck?

00:56:57.000 Because it's funny.

00:57:00.000 It's in right now to make fun of Paris Hilton.

00:57:02.000 Again?

00:57:03.000 Yeah.

00:57:03.000 I thought that died off.

00:57:05.000 Yeah, it did.

00:57:06.000 Yeah, it has to die off.

00:57:07.000 Because at a certain point in time, you become the joke for caring about her.

00:57:11.000 Why are you still talking about this one person out of a river of humans?

00:57:15.000 No, what do you mean?

00:57:16.000 It's the next one, the next one, the next one.

00:57:18.000 It's amazing, though.

00:57:19.000 I can't believe that people stay irrelevant.

00:57:21.000 Like, to me, it's like, why?

00:57:23.000 Like, why are these people famous?

00:57:25.000 I was like, this is kind of sad.

00:57:26.000 It's amazing.

00:57:26.000 It's like sad with our culture.

00:57:28.000 Like, I feel bad for us.

00:57:29.000 Like, man, and I start caring because the other people care.

00:57:33.000 I'm like, man, damn it, why do I care?

00:57:35.000 I don't want to pretend that I know what's going to happen in the future because I obviously don't.

00:57:39.000 I don't know whether or not we're going to pull ourselves out of this downward spiral, this humanity downward spiral with some sort of a technological innovation or something.

00:57:47.000 But if it doesn't happen, I'm so hyped.

00:57:52.000 Man!

00:57:53.000 You are fucking deep in the damp.

00:57:55.000 What were we talking about before he said that?

00:57:58.000 Paris Hilton?

00:57:59.000 Paris Hilton.

00:58:00.000 This is a quote that he did.

00:58:01.000 Paris Hilton, everyone hates you.

00:58:03.000 No one is going to watch your dumb show.

00:58:04.000 No one cares anymore.

00:58:05.000 Go kill yourself.

00:58:07.000 That's the meanest tweet ever.

00:58:10.000 It's so mean that it was funny.

00:58:12.000 It was so mean that it was ridiculous.

00:58:13.000 It sounded like Ari Shaffir wrote that.

00:58:15.000 Yeah.

00:58:16.000 Oh, this is what I was going to say.

00:58:18.000 I don't know whether or not we are ever going to pull ourselves out of this downward spiral, but if you look at a civilization, if you look at a civilization right before it was going to fall, like Rome or the Greek Empire, all you hear about is them going crazy.

00:58:36.000 All you hear about is feathers, and they're eating, and they're throwing up, and they're fucking everything, and they're fucking little boys and shit, and there's lions versus Christians.

00:58:45.000 It's always the craziest, craziest shit goes down, and that's what everybody talks about after it falls apart.

00:58:50.000 Well, isn't that what's happening right here?

00:58:52.000 I mean, it has to be.

00:58:53.000 It's happening slowly.

00:58:54.000 That's what it is.

00:58:55.000 I mean, we were talking, Brian and I were looking at the pictures of the Colosseum in Rome.

00:58:59.000 We were having lunch at this Italian place today, and they had this photo of the Colosseum in Rome, and the photo was from 2010, right?

00:59:06.000 So the Colosseum is this fucking incredible old piece of architecture where people fought fucking lions.

00:59:12.000 It's right there in the center of that bitch.

00:59:14.000 And there's cars just driving around it.

00:59:16.000 And the cars, the distance between the curb and the fucking walls of this insane old building is what?

00:59:22.000 15 feet?

00:59:23.000 10 feet?

00:59:24.000 It's like there's no space.

00:59:25.000 It's like car and this insane old building.

00:59:28.000 Yeah.

00:59:29.000 People are probably peeing on it now.

00:59:31.000 That shit just fell apart.

00:59:32.000 It fell apart and nobody fixed it.

00:59:34.000 Yeah.

00:59:35.000 It just fell right apart.

00:59:37.000 That could easily happen with us.

00:59:39.000 And if it does, they're going to be talking about us the same way we talk about the Romans.

00:59:44.000 So mountain biking.

00:59:45.000 They'll be like, these crazy assholes had TV shows where regular people became famous.

00:59:50.000 Girls became famous because they were showing their pussies, they'd get out of the cars.

00:59:53.000 How many girls became famous or got massive publicity for showing their pussy on TV? Or showing their pussy, rather, in publicity for these magazines?

01:00:03.000 How many times that happened?

01:00:04.000 So, 14. That would be something...

01:00:08.000 I think that's incorrect.

01:00:10.000 You don't think 14 is right?

01:00:12.000 I think 14, maybe.

01:00:13.000 Maybe 14 girls are showing their pussy.

01:00:15.000 Pretend that they've accidentally shown their pussy.

01:00:17.000 You think it's 14?

01:00:18.000 Somebody researched that.

01:00:20.000 Probably not that many.

01:00:21.000 Probably like six.

01:00:22.000 The point is, that's going to be something they would talk about in the future when they study ancient history.

01:00:26.000 They talk about the fall of the American empire.

01:00:28.000 What are they going to talk about?

01:00:29.000 They're going to talk about how nutty we were.

01:00:31.000 The girls would just show their pussies.

01:00:32.000 Girls became famous for leaking sex tapes.

01:00:35.000 Just fucking sucking cock.

01:00:39.000 Yeah.

01:00:39.000 Like Kim Kardashian.

01:00:40.000 She got famous.

01:00:41.000 I know.

01:00:41.000 For hanging out with a girl who should have been, you know, there should have been no reason for Paris Hilton to become famous.

01:00:47.000 Why was she famous?

01:00:47.000 Well, she just figured out how to do it.

01:00:49.000 Don't hate.

01:00:50.000 There she is.

01:00:50.000 And so Kim Kardashian was hanging out with her and goes, you know what?

01:00:53.000 I got to kick this up a notch.

01:00:54.000 I'm going to do a porno with a black guy.

01:00:56.000 So she does the porno with this dude.

01:00:58.000 She sucks his dick, fucks him, everything.

01:01:01.000 It's all real legit porno.

01:01:03.000 And then it's like, oh, how did that get out there?

01:01:05.000 Darn it.

01:01:06.000 And then that becomes a huge hit show.

01:01:08.000 And then she becomes a mainstream celebrity on the cover of almost every magazine.

01:01:12.000 Every goddamn time I go to the magazine stand, her face is on the cover of some magazine.

01:01:17.000 Whether it's a fitness magazine or...

01:01:19.000 Anything.

01:01:20.000 It's amazing.

01:01:21.000 That would be something that people would look at and say, look how crazy they got.

01:01:25.000 They just made regular people.

01:01:26.000 Like, you don't have to sing.

01:01:27.000 You don't have to dance.

01:01:28.000 You don't have to write.

01:01:29.000 You don't have to create.

01:01:29.000 Well, she has charisma.

01:01:31.000 She's got an ass.

01:01:32.000 She's got an ass and she has some charisma.

01:01:34.000 You think so?

01:01:34.000 Charisma meant ass.

01:01:37.000 So, yeah.

01:01:38.000 No, I don't know.

01:01:39.000 But don't you think that if you were looking at a culture...

01:01:41.000 If people like...

01:01:41.000 I know.

01:01:42.000 Yeah.

01:01:42.000 If you looked at it for the future.

01:01:44.000 Yeah, of course.

01:01:44.000 That's what you would say.

01:01:45.000 You'd say, look at these crazy assholes.

01:01:46.000 No, maybe some people are just going to...

01:01:48.000 Have the charisma, and then all of a sudden, they're going to be awesome.

01:01:51.000 I don't think we're on the same track.

01:01:56.000 Everybody will have it.

01:01:56.000 Have you guys seen that movie, Christine?

01:01:58.000 How about everybody will just be famous, and we're all like, whoa, wait!

01:02:01.000 We just connected the two things right now.

01:02:03.000 That's what I was just thinking.

01:02:05.000 Everybody has a computer chip in their brain, and then you walk up to this guy and go, oh, he's awesome.

01:02:09.000 And then everyone will just shine in a magical land.

01:02:12.000 Well, I think eventually your phone number will be like a channel.

01:02:17.000 Right to the brain?

01:02:18.000 Like, oh, bro, let me get your channel number because I really want to dance around in your head right now.

01:02:23.000 That'll be right before the final immersion.

01:02:26.000 That's what will be the last step.

01:02:27.000 What's the final immersion?

01:02:28.000 Oh, my God.

01:02:29.000 Final immersion is no consciousness other than the one, everybody together.

01:02:33.000 So we're going to get all linked up like the matrix right now?

01:02:36.000 That's what's gonna happen.

01:02:37.000 No emotion, no bullshit, no negativity.

01:02:40.000 Oh, we're gonna be aliens, and then we're gonna send ourselves back all the way through the universe, back in time to us.

01:02:46.000 Oh man, you're freaking me out, man!

01:02:51.000 That's ultimate stoner talk.

01:02:53.000 There's no more ultimate stoner talk then.

01:02:55.000 What happens when you die?

01:02:57.000 Or future?

01:02:59.000 Aliens in the future.

01:03:00.000 And what's going to happen, man?

01:03:02.000 When's it going to end, man?

01:03:04.000 I know.

01:03:05.000 That's all I do.

01:03:06.000 That's all I do.

01:03:07.000 I'm a fucking fool.

01:03:08.000 All I do all day is not even think about the moment.

01:03:11.000 Just worry constantly about what is going to happen in the future.

01:03:14.000 Bro.

01:03:15.000 Man, I feel like this...

01:03:17.000 It's a little therapeutic right now.

01:03:19.000 It's a breakthrough.

01:03:20.000 Look, to me, it's all just hyper-fascinating.

01:03:23.000 It's all hyper-fascinating.

01:03:24.000 It's not that I'm not...

01:03:25.000 I have been hanging out with Dr. Phil.

01:03:27.000 How is that?

01:03:27.000 You got any secrets of the Dr. Phil?

01:03:29.000 I don't know.

01:03:30.000 Dr. Phil was...

01:03:31.000 I was like, damn.

01:03:31.000 That was just as weird as me getting ready to fight.

01:03:34.000 I'm like, man, I'm about to fight a man.

01:03:36.000 Man, I'm about to go on a Dr. Phil show.

01:03:39.000 Were you nervous?

01:03:40.000 No, I was just like, this is so weird.

01:03:42.000 I was nervous.

01:03:43.000 I was just like, what the hell am I doing?

01:03:44.000 This is so funny.

01:03:45.000 Did he give you a massage or anything?

01:03:46.000 Is there anything that he did when the cameras were off?

01:03:48.000 I wanted to touch his head, but that's disrespectful.

01:03:51.000 Right.

01:03:51.000 I mean, just to say I did it, you know?

01:03:53.000 Was he a nice guy?

01:03:54.000 Yeah, he was a nice dude.

01:03:55.000 Really nice guy?

01:03:56.000 Yeah, Dr. Phil's cool.

01:03:57.000 I was like, man, this is the...

01:03:58.000 No, he had a weightlifter hand grip.

01:04:01.000 Really?

01:04:01.000 Yeah, I'm like, yeah.

01:04:02.000 A weightlifter hand grip?

01:04:03.000 Yeah, a little bit.

01:04:04.000 I was like, hey, man, Dr. Phil's kind of buff.

01:04:07.000 Wow.

01:04:07.000 I swear.

01:04:08.000 I was like, really?

01:04:09.000 Yeah, he played football in high school.

01:04:11.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:04:12.000 College, maybe.

01:04:13.000 If Dr. Phil called you up, hey, Jason, I'm down here at the bar thinking about getting a beer.

01:04:19.000 Would you like to join me?

01:04:21.000 Hell yeah, I want to talk to Dr. Phil.

01:04:23.000 I'd like to talk to Dr. Phil.

01:04:25.000 What would you do if Dr. Phil just started talking pussy?

01:04:27.000 Man, I would...

01:04:28.000 Let's cut the bullshit.

01:04:33.000 Dr. Phil just started talking crazy pussy stories back before I was married.

01:04:41.000 Remember when I was supposed to be on that Dr. Phil show, or the doctors, and you talked me out of it?

01:04:45.000 What was it about?

01:04:46.000 For salvia.

01:04:47.000 Oh, yeah.

01:04:47.000 And they were going to show my video and everything.

01:04:50.000 Don't, dude, I told them, don't be going on.

01:04:52.000 Aw, you're going to do something?

01:04:53.000 First of all, that's going to contribute to the end of that salvia.

01:04:56.000 Right, I know, that's what I was thinking.

01:04:58.000 That shit is so fragilely legal.

01:05:00.000 It's not anymore.

01:05:01.000 I don't think it's legal anymore.

01:05:02.000 It's still legal in California, I'm pretty sure.

01:05:04.000 I thought it was.

01:05:05.000 Some states.

01:05:06.000 It's legal in some states still.

01:05:07.000 Some states made it illegal, and I think they just made it illegal in Florida.

01:05:10.000 That's fucked up.

01:05:11.000 What does it do to you?

01:05:12.000 It doesn't hurt anybody, man.

01:05:13.000 This is why it's weird that they're making it illegal.

01:05:15.000 The problem is, it's sort of a guilt by association thing, because if you consider it, and even though you look at the statistics, and there's no deaths, and there's no immediate danger...

01:05:25.000 You know, health-wise, like, why should it be illegal?

01:05:27.000 Well, because it's like all this other shit that's illegal.

01:05:29.000 Salvia is one of the most potent psychedelic drugs in the world, and it's available at head shops, whereas, you know, it's really hard.

01:05:36.000 It's available at Target.

01:05:37.000 What are you talking about?

01:05:37.000 They sell Salvia at Target.

01:05:39.000 Do they really?

01:05:39.000 Salvia plants.

01:05:40.000 Oh, salvia plants.

01:05:42.000 Yeah, that's pretty trippy.

01:05:43.000 Yeah, you're right.

01:05:44.000 It's sage.

01:05:45.000 Right.

01:05:45.000 I mean, that's what salvia is.

01:05:47.000 Oh, what?

01:05:48.000 That's it?

01:05:48.000 That's it.

01:05:49.000 I don't know if it's the same strain.

01:05:51.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:05:52.000 No, what it is is they extract it, and they condense it down, and they extract it.

01:05:57.000 So you get salvia times 60. So it's like this little condensed form, or not condensed, or whatever.

01:06:03.000 Wait, and then you wait.

01:06:04.000 Do you put that in your coffee?

01:06:05.000 No, no, no.

01:06:06.000 It's like weed, and you have to get this.

01:06:08.000 Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

01:06:09.000 You get this lighter that you have to have one of the crack lighters with the blue torches and it gets it up to a certain temperature and it releases a, pretty much it's like a whippet of mushrooms.

01:06:19.000 You know, you're just doing, oh god, I'm shrooming, oh my god, my face is on fire, I'm melting, I'm dead, oh hey, I'm back.

01:06:26.000 But the problem is, is kids were doing this, you know, and...

01:06:28.000 50 times a day.

01:06:29.000 50 times a day, right.

01:06:31.000 Making the most hilarious YouTube videos in the world.

01:06:33.000 If you ever want to see some of the funniest shit, just go on YouTube, type in Salvia.

01:06:38.000 Oh, the kid and the kid...

01:06:39.000 Yeah, the kid's doing all that shit.

01:06:41.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:06:43.000 Or...

01:06:43.000 Alright.

01:06:45.000 Was that a good impression of...

01:06:47.000 I never watched it.

01:06:48.000 It looked like a seizure, though.

01:06:49.000 Was that a good impression of a seizure?

01:06:51.000 I've seen a few seizures.

01:06:51.000 I'm just saying, was that a good seizure?

01:06:53.000 That was decent.

01:06:53.000 That's a good seizure.

01:06:54.000 That's a good seizure.

01:06:55.000 I told the story about, or told it before, but I used to have my friend Johnny.

01:06:59.000 His girlfriend used to fake seizures.

01:07:01.000 Why?

01:07:02.000 He did, the girl, she wanted attention so bad, she used to fake seizures.

01:07:05.000 She would fall down and, like, fake a seizure, and he would use it as an excuse to slap her in the face.

01:07:10.000 Ha ha!

01:07:11.000 He's like, honey, wake up!

01:07:12.000 Wake up, honey!

01:07:13.000 Wake up!

01:07:14.000 And I'd see him bite his lip while he was hitting it, like, fucking bitch!

01:07:18.000 Like, he'd really give her slaps in the face.

01:07:20.000 Why?

01:07:21.000 That's the most healthy relationship I've ever heard of.

01:07:24.000 Chaos.

01:07:25.000 That's the most amazing thing about knowing a lot of fucked up people.

01:07:30.000 What, everyone saw you have a story like that?

01:07:33.000 Yeah.

01:07:34.000 It puts it all in perspective, too.

01:07:35.000 You realize...

01:07:37.000 Damn, man.

01:07:37.000 My girl sucks.

01:07:38.000 At least she's not faking seizures in a fucking grocery store where you have to slap the shit out of her in front of everybody.

01:07:44.000 That's the saddest thing ever.

01:07:46.000 Yeah.

01:07:46.000 Pretty goddamn ridiculous.

01:07:48.000 Yo, you got this chick's number or what?

01:07:49.000 She's dead.

01:07:50.000 Damn.

01:07:51.000 She's dead?

01:07:51.000 She deserves to be.

01:07:53.000 Wow.

01:07:54.000 I love she's dead.

01:07:55.000 I don't know if she's dead.

01:07:56.000 He's dead, though.

01:07:57.000 Oh, poor bastard.

01:07:58.000 Yeah.

01:07:59.000 He was my best friend.

01:08:00.000 Fascinating dude.

01:08:01.000 Yeah.

01:08:02.000 Hung out with a lot of crazy bitches.

01:08:04.000 Yeah, you know, that can get easy to do, man.

01:08:06.000 Because, you know, a chick is beautiful.

01:08:08.000 Sure.

01:08:08.000 You don't know that she's banana sandwich.

01:08:10.000 And you don't care either because once you start having sex with them.

01:08:13.000 You deal with it and then you're like, oh, what am I doing right now?

01:08:16.000 The problem with dudes is once you start having sex with them, if it's good and they're hot.

01:08:19.000 Wait, you have sex with dudes?

01:08:21.000 What?

01:08:21.000 You just said.

01:08:22.000 Yeah.

01:08:23.000 No, no, no, no.

01:08:24.000 Listen to me, you fucking clowns.

01:08:27.000 The problem with us is that when you have sex with a girl and she's hot, you get addicted to it.

01:08:34.000 You got one, and she's super hot, and she's sexy, and she's got a killer body.

01:08:38.000 You're like, you could get that again.

01:08:39.000 You could always get that again.

01:08:40.000 So even if she's crazy, you start going, fuck.

01:08:44.000 You want, alright, well, I don't know.

01:08:46.000 Okay, what are you doing?

01:08:47.000 You want to go out tomorrow?

01:08:48.000 And then the next thing you know, you're fucking her again.

01:08:50.000 The next thing you know, this is your girlfriend.

01:08:52.000 This crazy bitch is your girlfriend.

01:08:54.000 And just because she's hot and she's got a good, you know.

01:08:56.000 I know.

01:08:57.000 She's a freak.

01:08:58.000 And the crazy ones, a lot of times, they're more fun in bed because they want to please you.

01:09:02.000 They want to, you know, they really want you to be rocked.

01:09:05.000 So they'll freak you out more.

01:09:07.000 And then you're even extra stuck.

01:09:09.000 Mm-hmm.

01:09:09.000 Right?

01:09:10.000 Because if you get used to that, you get used to what my friend Tony always says, that erotic and psychotic are like, they're like next door neighbors.

01:09:18.000 What are you doing over there, Brian?

01:09:19.000 He was looking for something to drink, so I gave him some check.

01:09:21.000 You want another coconut drink?

01:09:22.000 Yeah!

01:09:24.000 Coconut drink!

01:09:25.000 Thanks, dude.

01:09:26.000 You're like the best intern ever, Joe.

01:09:28.000 Thank you.

01:09:29.000 Thanks.

01:09:31.000 I like how he's wearing a paperboy cap too, man.

01:09:33.000 I know.

01:09:34.000 Hey, mister.

01:09:35.000 Hey, Skippy.

01:09:35.000 Here's your coconut water.

01:09:37.000 Exactly.

01:09:38.000 Ha ha!

01:09:40.000 Man!

01:09:41.000 You need like one in the couch, Joe Rogan.

01:09:44.000 That's one of the best ones.

01:09:46.000 You have regular water?

01:09:47.000 I know you have regular water in there.

01:09:49.000 Damn it, bro!

01:09:50.000 That's alright, you know what?

01:09:52.000 I was drinking it out of the sink.

01:09:54.000 I like to do it old school, like, you know, grab to the thing and go underneath.

01:09:56.000 That's his jerk-off sink, though.

01:09:58.000 Ah, I drink out of the jerk-off sink?

01:10:00.000 Yeah, he puts his dick underneath the sink and it drops the water on it like a girl does in a bathtub.

01:10:04.000 What?

01:10:05.000 I don't know.

01:10:06.000 Have you ever heard of girls that do that, that masturbate by putting their pussy right underneath the faucet and they just slowly turn it on?

01:10:12.000 That's got to be a benefit of being a chick.

01:10:14.000 It must be way easier to masturbate.

01:10:16.000 Open wound.

01:10:16.000 Yeah, totally.

01:10:17.000 You think so?

01:10:18.000 Fuck yeah.

01:10:19.000 Yeah.

01:10:19.000 I don't know, man.

01:10:20.000 They've got a lot of arm motion.

01:10:22.000 They stick stuff in there, bro.

01:10:23.000 Yeah, they're allowed to put things in there.

01:10:27.000 If a girl gets used to that, that's the real problem.

01:10:29.000 She gets used to a vibrator.

01:10:31.000 Some girls get broken.

01:10:32.000 Their pussies just get broken to regular stimulation.

01:10:35.000 They're just so oversensitized.

01:10:37.000 That happens a lot more than I thought it did.

01:10:40.000 They've got to cycle off, like coffee.

01:10:42.000 Yeah, you stop doing coffee for a while, and then all of a sudden you're like...

01:10:48.000 Drink a coffee, you're like, oh yeah, I'm freaking pumped!

01:10:51.000 It's true, right?

01:10:51.000 Big difference.

01:10:52.000 Yeah, right?

01:10:53.000 It's like, you just stop.

01:10:54.000 The weirdest thing, I know when I'm drinking coffee too much, when I can drink it and then get sleepy.

01:10:59.000 Yeah.

01:11:00.000 That's when you know, like, you gotta stop drinking coffee, dude.

01:11:02.000 What?

01:11:03.000 You know, if you drink it so much, you can drink it, and all of a sudden you get sleepy.

01:11:05.000 I wonder why that is, right?

01:11:06.000 I don't know.

01:11:07.000 It's probably not good.

01:11:08.000 Probably your liver, like, going, oh, too much coffee!

01:11:11.000 Your kidneys trying to shut you down, going, dude.

01:11:14.000 They say a little bit of coffee is not bad for you, but you can get...

01:11:17.000 The problem with, like, Starbucks coffee is if...

01:11:20.000 What?

01:11:20.000 Which is the best.

01:11:21.000 Don't be hating on Starbucks right now.

01:11:22.000 What did I say?

01:11:23.000 The best fucking thing you say is bad about Starbucks.

01:11:25.000 Listen, bro.

01:11:26.000 I'm a gold card member.

01:11:26.000 Okay, man.

01:11:27.000 I know there's a coffee bean thermos in front of me, but that's not because I'm disloyal.

01:11:31.000 It's not product placement?

01:11:33.000 But the problem is that Starbucks coffee has a fuckload of caffeine in it.

01:11:37.000 Not enough.

01:11:38.000 Wait, not enough?

01:11:39.000 That's why I drink it, man.

01:11:41.000 My new thing is getting iced coffee unsweetened with three shots.

01:11:46.000 In an IV? Three espresso shots.

01:11:48.000 Three, man.

01:11:50.000 But they say espresso is not as much caffeine as coffee is.

01:11:53.000 No, but that's on top of a...

01:11:54.000 So it's three cups of coffee, though.

01:11:56.000 Yeah, that's...

01:11:56.000 Three cups of espresso.

01:11:59.000 Three shots is like three cups of coffee, right?

01:12:02.000 A shot of espressos?

01:12:03.000 It's like three cups of coffee?

01:12:04.000 Almost, yeah.

01:12:05.000 No, no, no, no.

01:12:06.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:12:07.000 No, it's like a weak cup of coffee.

01:12:09.000 Like it's three weak cups of coffee, but they're like condensed into small.

01:12:12.000 I'm sorry.

01:12:13.000 I thought you were saying that each shot is three cups.

01:12:15.000 It's not quite a cup of coffee.

01:12:17.000 A shot is espresso.

01:12:19.000 It's like slightly below an average cup of coffee.

01:12:21.000 Sort of.

01:12:21.000 But that's how they make Americanas.

01:12:24.000 It's a fucking fascinating subject because you can get...

01:12:27.000 I mean, look.

01:12:27.000 You go and get a Venti.

01:12:28.000 You go and get a Venti Starbucks.

01:12:30.000 You take somebody who has never drank coffee before.

01:12:32.000 Someone who doesn't take any stimulants.

01:12:34.000 And you just give them that Venti.

01:12:36.000 They might have to sit down.

01:12:37.000 They might be so jacked.

01:12:39.000 They might be like, my heartbeat is beating too fast.

01:12:41.000 But that's the nature of coffee.

01:12:42.000 Your hands can be shaken.

01:12:44.000 You have to get used to it.

01:12:45.000 You get drugged up and boom.

01:12:48.000 It's a legal drug.

01:12:49.000 What are you talking about?

01:12:49.000 Yeah, it is.

01:12:50.000 It's legal.

01:12:51.000 It's a drug.

01:12:52.000 How many coffees a day do you have, Jason?

01:12:54.000 I don't know.

01:12:55.000 Like two?

01:12:56.000 Fourteen?

01:12:56.000 No, I know.

01:12:57.000 I'm real high tension.

01:12:58.000 I don't allow myself more than one.

01:13:00.000 Oh, really?

01:13:01.000 The only time it's two is if I'm really busy working.

01:13:03.000 That's what I mean.

01:13:04.000 I'll go like in the morning and then in the afternoon sometimes.

01:13:08.000 Bam!

01:13:09.000 I'm hyped.

01:13:10.000 At Starbucks.

01:13:11.000 I would like to see you on a muscle relaxer.

01:13:12.000 I bet you'd just be like, hello guys, how are you doing today?

01:13:14.000 I bet that shit would have no effect.

01:13:16.000 I think this shit's broke!

01:13:18.000 I think it's fucking broke!

01:13:20.000 Muscle relaxer don't work!

01:13:24.000 That's you, dude.

01:13:25.000 They had to juice me up with a lot of that stuff to put me to sleep, though.

01:13:29.000 Really?

01:13:30.000 Yeah.

01:13:30.000 When you got operated on?

01:13:31.000 Yeah, when I got operated to put a plate in my thumb.

01:13:34.000 And they're like, alright, we're going to pump you full of stuff.

01:13:37.000 And he goes in there to put you in there.

01:13:39.000 And I'm like, whoa!

01:13:41.000 I feel like a giant rush over my whole body.

01:13:43.000 I'm like, oh my god!

01:13:45.000 And they're like, okay, just relax.

01:13:47.000 And I'm like, no, no, I'm not.

01:13:50.000 I'm like, man, I'm high right now.

01:13:53.000 Wait a minute.

01:13:53.000 You're about to be operated on?

01:13:55.000 This is the type of shit you're saying?

01:13:57.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:13:57.000 I'm like, man, I'm high right now.

01:13:59.000 I was like that, and the guy looks at me like, oh, and I realize that the stuff is too weak, and I'm like, you can't knock me out!

01:14:06.000 Ha ha ha ha!

01:14:07.000 No way.

01:14:08.000 that laugh the guy was laughing i like i remember as i'm all blurry like with all the drugs like and i'm like man i look and i remember him like smirking at me and then going back oh man i shouldn't talk shit to him like that wow because because i came out of it like thinking i was in a fight like like and like kicking at the nurses and everything like that and i was like oh And I was like, oh, my bad.

01:14:32.000 Like, I was like, oh, sorry.

01:14:33.000 Then I felt so sick because he pumped me so full of that stuff that, like, I was like, man, what did I do?

01:14:41.000 Can you imagine being a fucking nurse?

01:14:44.000 Oh, they were kind of used to it, honestly.

01:14:46.000 They're used to dudes kicking them?

01:14:47.000 Yeah, they're like, yeah, because they do all extreme athlete crazy dudes.

01:14:51.000 Really?

01:14:51.000 And they're like, yeah, we've seen people jump up out of their seats.

01:14:56.000 So they were like, it was mellow.

01:14:57.000 And I was like, oh, I'm very sorry.

01:14:58.000 I was apologizing.

01:14:59.000 It's a weird feeling going out like that.

01:15:00.000 Going under and waking up and you're operated on already.

01:15:03.000 Your knees stitched up together.

01:15:05.000 Yeah, weird.

01:15:06.000 It's very strange.

01:15:07.000 How many operations have you had?

01:15:09.000 Only like, I don't know, four or something.

01:15:11.000 What have you had done?

01:15:13.000 Knees, like cleaning out stuff, and ACL replacement, and putting a plate in the tub.

01:15:19.000 Just one ACL replacement, or did you have another one?

01:15:21.000 Yeah, both of them.

01:15:22.000 Both of them done?

01:15:23.000 Yeah.

01:15:24.000 And I had the middle of my knee cut out, because it was gnawing the hell out of me.

01:15:30.000 I cut it out.

01:15:30.000 What is it?

01:15:31.000 What do you mean the middle of your knee?

01:15:32.000 It was a meniscus.

01:15:33.000 It was sticking out, a punch.

01:15:36.000 Oh, a bucket handle.

01:15:37.000 Yeah, a bucket.

01:15:37.000 Wow, you know.

01:15:38.000 I had that.

01:15:39.000 I had that on my left.

01:15:40.000 Oh yeah, we talked.

01:15:40.000 I had that shit out, but it clicks.

01:15:42.000 It would click, it would get stuck, and I'd be like, oh god!

01:15:45.000 And I'm just like, yank that thing out of there.

01:15:47.000 That shit is a ferocious pain, too.

01:15:48.000 That meniscus pain, that's tough to fade.

01:15:51.000 Yeah.

01:15:52.000 Very difficult to ignore.

01:15:53.000 It's not something you just walk off.

01:15:54.000 No, no.

01:15:55.000 It's a bone-piercing pain.

01:15:58.000 Weird.

01:15:58.000 Knees are so fucking painful.

01:16:01.000 Yeah.

01:16:01.000 Did you have a couple testicles added?

01:16:03.000 Yeah.

01:16:04.000 I have like 17 testicles.

01:16:09.000 Brian, why are you looking?

01:16:10.000 He just checked your package too.

01:16:12.000 17 testicles.

01:16:13.000 Seems like you might have a few more than the other guys.

01:16:17.000 He's got extra balls.

01:16:21.000 Yeah, it's amazing that they can stitch you up and put you back together again now, though.

01:16:26.000 Isn't that fucking cool?

01:16:27.000 Like, how many guys do you know that have...

01:16:28.000 I know guys that have had discs replaced, you know, artificial discs stuck in between and have their discs fused.

01:16:35.000 Yeah, Tito had that done.

01:16:37.000 Who else had that done?

01:16:38.000 Nate Marquardt?

01:16:39.000 No, Nate Quarry had that done.

01:16:41.000 Yeah.

01:16:41.000 A lot of guys have had that done.

01:16:42.000 They blow out their discs, and they get their shit replaced, and they can go back and fight again.

01:16:47.000 It's fucking crazy.

01:16:48.000 That used to be a deal-breaker.

01:16:51.000 Your discs were jacked.

01:16:52.000 Forget about competitive athletics on the highest level.

01:16:55.000 There's no way, man.

01:16:57.000 It used to be ACL got jacked.

01:16:59.000 My friend Steve...

01:17:00.000 Yeah, nothing, and you were done forever.

01:17:01.000 I was shocked when I said ACL, and they're like...

01:17:04.000 Nah, you just go and we put you back together.

01:17:07.000 I'm like, oh, awesome!

01:17:08.000 And it's more powerful than the original ACL. Yeah, it is!

01:17:11.000 My ACL, man, it's stronger than it was.

01:17:14.000 I was like, what the hell?

01:17:15.000 And you do the workouts and whatever, and then it's stronger.

01:17:17.000 Did you use a cadaver?

01:17:18.000 Yeah.

01:17:19.000 Well, you know they use an Achilles tendon.

01:17:20.000 That's what they use.

01:17:21.000 It's a big, fat fucking cable.

01:17:23.000 Crazy.

01:17:23.000 It's bigger than what's naturally in there.

01:17:25.000 What's naturally in there sucks.

01:17:26.000 Wow, you're saying that I have illegal me?

01:17:28.000 I got both mine are done.

01:17:30.000 This one was done with a patella tendon graft, though, which kind of sucks, where they...

01:17:34.000 They take a chunk out of your bone and a strip of meat where your tendon is and it's attached to your shin and then they open you up and then they screw it in place.

01:17:42.000 It takes a long ass time to heal from it.

01:17:44.000 It's much longer recuperation time because you've got a hole in your shin or a hole in your kneecap and a hole in your shin.

01:17:50.000 They cut it out so you're Your tendon's been all fucked up.

01:17:53.000 So it's a way more invasive thing.

01:17:55.000 This one, I had done, they did a cadaver, my right one.

01:17:59.000 And there's just like two little tiny holes, and they stitched them up, and that's it.

01:18:03.000 It was all fixed.

01:18:03.000 I mean, it's crazy.

01:18:04.000 They just get in there and screw this new joint in place.

01:18:07.000 That used to be, if you lived a thousand years ago, man, you were a cripple.

01:18:11.000 You were fucked.

01:18:13.000 You were that guy that would fall down if the wind blew too hard.

01:18:16.000 Come on, dude.

01:18:16.000 Black president.

01:18:17.000 We're in the future right now.

01:18:19.000 What?

01:18:20.000 The year 2000. I just think it's so cool that they could patch you up and put you back together again, you know?

01:18:25.000 Yeah.

01:18:26.000 We live in the future.

01:18:27.000 I don't have a jetpack, but whatever.

01:18:29.000 Have you ever had your elbows done?

01:18:31.000 Nah.

01:18:32.000 Shoulders are supposed to be the worst.

01:18:33.000 Nah.

01:18:34.000 Tear your shoulders.

01:18:35.000 That's supposed to be the biggest pain he has to recoup.

01:18:37.000 Yeah.

01:18:38.000 Dancing with the devil is what I do every day.

01:18:41.000 You do.

01:18:41.000 You ever think that?

01:18:42.000 Like, man, I'm fucking staking my living on my physical flesh.

01:18:48.000 Yeah.

01:18:49.000 Dancing with the devil is fun.

01:18:51.000 It is the funnest thing for you, right?

01:18:53.000 Right.

01:18:53.000 I can't help it.

01:18:55.000 It's so fun.

01:18:55.000 I like doing crazy stuff all the time.

01:18:57.000 Do you think you're going to have a long career?

01:18:59.000 Are you going to be doing this for a long time?

01:19:00.000 I think, yeah.

01:19:01.000 I think I can do it.

01:19:03.000 I can do it for a long time, but that's my job.

01:19:08.000 I feel good.

01:19:09.000 You're definitely better now than you've ever been before.

01:19:11.000 I know.

01:19:11.000 And what are you, 29 now?

01:19:13.000 Yeah.

01:19:13.000 Oh yeah, I'm about to change it up.

01:19:16.000 You about to hit 29?

01:19:17.000 About to hit 30. 30?

01:19:18.000 God damn.

01:19:19.000 That's like when you're an adult, dude.

01:19:20.000 I know!

01:19:21.000 Bro, I've been feeling it.

01:19:22.000 I feel kind of happy about it.

01:19:23.000 I'm like, I'm going to be an adult.

01:19:25.000 We've got to get you over in the UFC, man.

01:19:27.000 All this Strikeforce nonsense.

01:19:29.000 If this Nick Diaz thing doesn't work, man, I hope the UFC picks you up.

01:19:34.000 We have to go get Joe Silva a massage somewhere.

01:19:37.000 Maybe you have to get him a fucking gift certificate for...

01:19:41.000 Somewhere cool.

01:19:44.000 Some wonderful restaurant.

01:19:46.000 Have a nice meal.

01:19:47.000 I'll take them to the Olive Garden.

01:19:50.000 What are we doing with this Strikeforce nonsense?

01:19:53.000 You know, Mayhem, Miller, UFC, fighter.

01:19:57.000 I got a good thing going with Strikeforce.

01:19:59.000 Let's see if Diaz will not be scared, homie.

01:20:04.000 We'll go from there.

01:20:06.000 When you watch the Anderson Silva-Chel Sonnen fight, now I know you train with Chel, right?

01:20:10.000 I fought Chel.

01:20:12.000 Oh, why'd you find him?

01:20:13.000 Yeah, but I trained with him too.

01:20:15.000 I fought him in like 19. Man, I was like 18 years old.

01:20:20.000 Really?

01:20:20.000 Yeah, we fought.

01:20:22.000 19?

01:20:23.000 Yeah, he just kept taking me down.

01:20:24.000 We crashed through the cage.

01:20:26.000 Wow.

01:20:26.000 There's video of it somewhere.

01:20:28.000 Man, I was so young, man.

01:20:31.000 We were like kids, man.

01:20:32.000 Wow.

01:20:32.000 It was crazy.

01:20:34.000 How old is he?

01:20:36.000 He's in his 30s, right?

01:20:36.000 Yeah.

01:20:37.000 He's a little older than me.

01:20:38.000 When you watch this fight with Anderson Silva, so Anderson Silva, pound for pound, best fighter in the world, you know, UFC long-running middleweight champion, what did you think when you saw that fight?

01:20:47.000 Yeah.

01:20:48.000 The Chael Sonnen fight?

01:20:48.000 Were you thinking, I mean, you know, you're a guy competing for the Strikeforce title at 185. Yeah.

01:20:53.000 When you see Anderson, you know, and you see that, you know, that Chael is handling him.

01:20:58.000 Yeah.

01:20:58.000 What did you think?

01:20:59.000 Does that, like, pump you up?

01:21:01.000 I think that style-wise, yeah, definitely.

01:21:02.000 I mean, but, you know, like...

01:21:04.000 Of course.

01:21:05.000 My weight.

01:21:06.000 That was the most intense I've ever watched a fight, really.

01:21:09.000 Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

01:21:10.000 It must be, right?

01:21:11.000 Yeah, of course.

01:21:12.000 Because I'm in the little soap opera, kind of.

01:21:15.000 Right, right, right.

01:21:16.000 I'm watching this.

01:21:18.000 We're all the same weight.

01:21:20.000 You could be fighting that guy easy.

01:21:21.000 Yeah, I know.

01:21:22.000 Soon.

01:21:22.000 Yeah.

01:21:22.000 Yeah, easy.

01:21:23.000 Both guys, really, right?

01:21:25.000 Yeah, exactly.

01:21:26.000 Anything could happen.

01:21:27.000 Of course.

01:21:28.000 How long is your contract at Strikeforce?

01:21:30.000 I believe?

01:21:31.000 I don't know.

01:21:31.000 Do I have a fight left?

01:21:32.000 One fight left?

01:21:33.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:21:34.000 So that if you beat Nick Diaz, then do you get to fight Jacare for the title?

01:21:40.000 I have a couple fights left.

01:21:45.000 Two fights?

01:21:45.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:21:47.000 So, what are they talking about now?

01:21:48.000 If Nick Diaz doesn't want to fight, do you get to fight Jacare?

01:21:52.000 Do you have to fight Tim Kennedy?

01:21:53.000 Like, what do you do?

01:21:54.000 What's next?

01:21:56.000 I don't know, man.

01:21:57.000 They don't know?

01:21:57.000 They're just trying to get the Nick Diaz fight.

01:21:58.000 Well, I mean, that's the fight that everyone wants to see.

01:22:00.000 That's cool.

01:22:01.000 And, you know, I'm down.

01:22:02.000 You know, it's like, that's my job.

01:22:04.000 I'm down to do whatever, you know.

01:22:06.000 Does it get in the way when you're filming Bully Beatdown?

01:22:08.000 You know, does it get in the way with your training?

01:22:10.000 Like, do you have to, like, train, like, when you're filming that show, do you have to, like, make sure that you don't have any fights scheduled for a while it's going down?

01:22:17.000 Yeah, yeah, of course.

01:22:18.000 Like, you know, I don't want to run it concurrent with that training camp.

01:22:21.000 It would fuck it up hard, right?

01:22:23.000 Yeah, yeah, it would fuck it up.

01:22:23.000 What kind of hours?

01:22:24.000 But I took, I don't know, you know, for training...

01:22:30.000 The Bully Beatdown only takes two weeks.

01:22:32.000 What is that monkey on?

01:22:34.000 What did you do, Brian?

01:22:34.000 It's a mayhem monkey.

01:22:35.000 Oh.

01:22:36.000 Wow.

01:22:36.000 Did you just cut and paste that?

01:22:38.000 Yeah.

01:22:39.000 It's pretty cool.

01:22:40.000 Yeah, it is pretty cool.

01:22:41.000 I don't know.

01:22:42.000 It only takes two weeks to do the Bully Beatdown.

01:22:44.000 For the whole season?

01:22:46.000 Yeah.

01:22:46.000 It's easy.

01:22:47.000 That's amazing.

01:22:47.000 I mean, it's more than two weeks because I have to go to do voiceover or whatever.

01:22:51.000 How many episodes do you guys do?

01:22:52.000 Ten at a time, usually.

01:22:54.000 Wow.

01:22:54.000 Yeah, so it's a fun...

01:22:57.000 It's like a fun little summer camp.

01:22:59.000 Like, yay!

01:23:00.000 Let's go film.

01:23:00.000 We'll be done.

01:23:01.000 It's going to be hilarious.

01:23:02.000 Well, it must have been way more fun coming into this season now that it's a big success.

01:23:06.000 Yeah.

01:23:06.000 Like, now, everybody wants you there and is happy to see you and all excited.

01:23:12.000 What?

01:23:12.000 It's all pumped up.

01:23:13.000 What do you mean?

01:23:13.000 Like, people that network, people in the studio, like, you're on a successful show.

01:23:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:23:17.000 That's when it starts.

01:23:18.000 That's when it's fucking badass, right?

01:23:20.000 It is, yeah.

01:23:20.000 When it's successful.

01:23:21.000 Exactly, yeah.

01:23:22.000 It feels good.

01:23:23.000 When things are rolling.

01:23:25.000 That third season of it, I've never seen an audience so pumped up.

01:23:30.000 Yeah, they're fans.

01:23:32.000 They're super fans.

01:23:33.000 At first, there was just people who were like, what?

01:23:36.000 What is this?

01:23:36.000 When we used to film news radio, there's a big difference between the first season of news radio, like the audience, and the third season.

01:23:44.000 When it gets into where the fans come to watch the show, that's when it becomes fun.

01:23:50.000 Yeah.

01:23:51.000 It's a crazy experience.

01:23:53.000 Filming shows is so hard in the beginning because no one knows what the fuck is going on.

01:23:57.000 You're trying to establish a rhythm.

01:23:58.000 It's like you know you're awesome, but nobody else knows you're awesome.

01:24:02.000 I wasn't going to say that.

01:24:04.000 What I was saying is it just takes a long time.

01:24:05.000 I just feel like everybody who works on that show is awesome people.

01:24:11.000 You know what I mean?

01:24:12.000 They're all cool people.

01:24:13.000 I got more into doing the Bully Beatdown job by the fact that the people who work on it are just so awesome people.

01:24:20.000 They're just such awesome people.

01:24:22.000 So I'm like, oh, I really want to do a good job because these people right here are cool.

01:24:27.000 So let me try to do a really good job because you don't see them working, but they're working really hard.

01:24:33.000 Now, when all this shit went down with the CBS thing where you got in trouble and the big fight and the brawl on television...

01:24:39.000 Did they give you a hard time over that?

01:24:41.000 What do you mean?

01:24:41.000 What are they gonna give me a hard time about it for them?

01:24:44.000 Nobody gave you a hard time.

01:24:45.000 Who, bully beatdown people?

01:24:46.000 Yeah, like, no one says, like, you know, hey, you know, we can't get involved.

01:24:49.000 I don't even think that that, yeah, I don't even think they were worth, what do you mean, get involved?

01:24:52.000 You know, you know what I'm saying?

01:24:53.000 What are they going to do?

01:24:54.000 No, no, no, no, what I'm saying is, like, when a controversy happens like this, like, they don't want you involved in anything that's, like, negative or anything that's, like, you know, like, they don't have, they don't sit down with you and say, hey, you can't be getting into brawls because, you know, you represent the show.

01:25:08.000 Nobody said anything.

01:25:09.000 No.

01:25:09.000 No?

01:25:10.000 I think they understood my side.

01:25:14.000 You know what I mean?

01:25:15.000 They understood how the whole thing went down.

01:25:17.000 Right, but in the news it wasn't clear cut.

01:25:21.000 There was a lot of people that were blaming you.

01:25:22.000 Yeah, well.

01:25:24.000 They're just jerks.

01:25:25.000 They didn't get that mad about it.

01:25:27.000 Not bully beatdown.

01:25:28.000 That's like my fighting career.

01:25:30.000 They don't worry about my fighting career.

01:25:32.000 I don't feel like they...

01:25:33.000 What do you think?

01:25:34.000 That MTV is going to spank me for that?

01:25:36.000 No, no, no, no.

01:25:37.000 I don't understand.

01:25:37.000 I'm probably happy about it.

01:25:39.000 I was wondering whether or not anyone was concerned.

01:25:41.000 Bro.

01:25:42.000 Whether anyone said anything to you.

01:25:44.000 No, what?

01:25:44.000 Nobody talks to me.

01:25:45.000 I'm just mayhem.

01:25:48.000 It's so funny.

01:25:49.000 You say it like it's ridiculous to ask.

01:25:53.000 Yeah, what do you mean it is?

01:25:54.000 You got in a bench-clearing brawl on national television.

01:25:57.000 But he's a fighter, though.

01:25:58.000 That shit happens.

01:25:59.000 I know.

01:25:59.000 That shit happens.

01:26:00.000 That shit happened.

01:26:02.000 I can't help it.

01:26:04.000 It's not VH1. I know.

01:26:08.000 Yo, man, they have the...

01:26:09.000 Man, come on.

01:26:10.000 They have the Jersey Shore on.

01:26:11.000 I know.

01:26:12.000 They don't fuck around now.

01:26:13.000 People are just roofing each other.

01:26:14.000 Rolling on there.

01:26:14.000 Yeah, it's banging.

01:26:16.000 When I saw that girl get punched in the face, did you see that online?

01:26:19.000 Oh, yeah.

01:26:19.000 I saw it online, yeah.

01:26:20.000 I don't think they showed it on the show.

01:26:21.000 They blacked it off on the show.

01:26:22.000 They didn't?

01:26:22.000 Yeah, I think they...

01:26:23.000 Yeah, they blurred it or something.

01:26:24.000 Why would they blur it?

01:26:25.000 We don't want people to see a girl get punched in the face and then say...

01:26:28.000 But it was on.

01:26:29.000 Because they could show, look, we have a giant rating spike right as this girl gets punched in the face.

01:26:33.000 This is what we need.

01:26:34.000 We need more girls getting punched in the face.

01:26:35.000 Oh, my bad.

01:26:37.000 Did you see the girl that's on Dancing with the Stars, Sarah Palin's daughter or whatever, talking to the situation?

01:26:45.000 Yeah, it was pretty fun.

01:26:46.000 That was one of the most ridiculous...

01:26:48.000 I saw it on The Soup.

01:26:49.000 The Soup is the best show because I get to see the normal everyday funny stuff that I would never see because I never watch a show like that.

01:26:56.000 Man, The Soup had it on there and it was...

01:27:00.000 Man, bring it up.

01:27:00.000 Just bring it up.

01:27:01.000 How strange is it that Dancing with the Stars has a vice presidential campaigner's daughter Who's like 18 or something like that now?

01:27:18.000 19 now?

01:27:19.000 Something really young?

01:27:20.000 How is that?

01:27:21.000 She's a celebrity?

01:27:23.000 Because she was pregnant?

01:27:24.000 Because it was a story that she was in the news?

01:27:27.000 That's ridiculous.

01:27:28.000 How is that a celebrity?

01:27:29.000 That's so weird.

01:27:33.000 Dancing with the stars, that's what they're calling a star.

01:27:35.000 They're calling this young girl whose mom was running for vice president, who just happened to get pregnant and everybody knew about it, they're calling her a star.

01:27:42.000 That's so odd.

01:27:43.000 You'd have that as dancing with the stars.

01:27:46.000 Why?

01:27:46.000 She's a star.

01:27:47.000 And the situation is...

01:27:49.000 Check this out.

01:27:50.000 You look at me like I just hit you with some zen cone.

01:27:53.000 Like, what is the sound of one hand clapping?

01:27:54.000 Exactly.

01:27:57.000 No, she is.

01:27:58.000 But it's like the line is getting blurry.

01:28:00.000 Now it's like anybody who's in the news.

01:28:04.000 Dancing with the Stars is no longer entertainers.

01:28:07.000 It's no longer anybody that anything happened to where they got famous.

01:28:11.000 They're stars.

01:28:13.000 It's like idols.

01:28:13.000 In Japan, they already have that.

01:28:15.000 Idols.

01:28:15.000 And then you become like a show that they'll check in on.

01:28:18.000 They'll check in on you to see what the fuck's going on with you.

01:28:20.000 What are you doing today, crazy?

01:28:22.000 You know?

01:28:23.000 Like that Carrie Prejean chick?

01:28:25.000 Remember the chick who ran for, was it Miss USA? Yeah, yeah.

01:28:29.000 She's got a show.

01:28:30.000 She's always got something, man.

01:28:31.000 There's always something in the mix.

01:28:33.000 Wait, you're talking about the girl from the Miss South Carolina pageant, right?

01:28:38.000 Such as, like as...

01:28:39.000 No, no, that girl was hilarious.

01:28:42.000 But that was just a brain fart.

01:28:43.000 That poor chick.

01:28:44.000 She just got caught in the headlights.

01:28:46.000 Whatever, that was adorable.

01:28:47.000 Was it adorable?

01:28:48.000 Yeah.

01:28:48.000 You liked it?

01:28:49.000 I like my girls to be all scatterbrained.

01:28:53.000 When you see a girl gingerly bambi like that, does that get you excited?

01:28:58.000 You're like, look at this girl.

01:28:59.000 I just drag her into the mayhem void.

01:29:01.000 Oh, man.

01:29:02.000 You think I club chicks over the head and drag them to my lair?

01:29:04.000 No, just with your personality, bro.

01:29:06.000 Just with your personality.

01:29:07.000 You can just overtake them.

01:29:08.000 You think so?

01:29:09.000 Hey, let's run over here.

01:29:10.000 You see a girl saying like, as, and you can just dominate her with your will.

01:29:15.000 So you're trying to tell me to have sex with me.

01:29:16.000 With your mind.

01:29:17.000 She's not retarded.

01:29:18.000 She's just easily led.

01:29:22.000 So mentally handicapped supermodels is what I'm looking for?

01:29:25.000 Maybe.

01:29:26.000 Sometimes it's not the worst thing.

01:29:28.000 That's all I'm saying.

01:29:29.000 Not totally mentally handicapped.

01:29:31.000 There's a lot of people that are really happy just hanging out with their dog.

01:29:35.000 Think about it that way.

01:29:36.000 There's a lot of people that are super smart and super healthy and they're just hanging out with their dog.

01:29:40.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

01:29:41.000 But a lot of people get plenty of companionship just from their dog.

01:29:44.000 So if that's the case and they're super happy for the rest of their life, you could date someone who's really dumb.

01:29:49.000 As long as they're nice to you, who cares?

01:29:51.000 They're cute.

01:29:52.000 Just like having a dog.

01:29:53.000 Somebody like this?

01:29:58.000 What are you doing, Brian?

01:29:59.000 That's that video that we were talking about.

01:30:00.000 Excuse me, miss.

01:30:02.000 Have you ever had a situation with the official situation?

01:30:06.000 Excuse me, Sitch?

01:30:07.000 Oh snap, B. Palin.

01:30:09.000 You mean to tell me that girls actually fought for that line?

01:30:11.000 Come on, I mean, if those words don't work, I got the situation right there.

01:30:17.000 I hope you're as committed to safe sex as you are those abs.

01:30:20.000 I know you're all about that abstinence thing, you know, but, I mean, come on, B Palin, are you serious?

01:30:26.000 Like, you're not gonna hook up with, like, before you married?

01:30:28.000 For real.

01:30:29.000 For real.

01:30:30.000 For real, for real, for real.

01:30:33.000 All right.

01:30:33.000 Well, you know what?

01:30:34.000 I mean, just in case you do get into a situation, I want to make sure that you are situated.

01:30:38.000 Because if you do get into a situation with your situation, you may end up with a situation.

01:30:42.000 And you may not like that situation.

01:30:44.000 Trust me, though.

01:30:45.000 I'm not getting myself into another situation.

01:30:47.000 I know how hard it is to be a teen parent.

01:30:49.000 You know what?

01:30:49.000 I totally respect that.

01:30:51.000 And I totally respect abstinence.

01:30:53.000 I mean, it actually has the word abstinence.

01:30:54.000 I mean, come on.

01:30:55.000 I'm the situation.

01:30:56.000 I love that.

01:30:56.000 Very funny.

01:30:57.000 But I'm worried about you and you practicing safe sex.

01:31:00.000 I actually practice a whole lot.

01:31:02.000 I mean, a whole lot.

01:31:03.000 Talk about the safe part of that.

01:31:04.000 Ah, the safe part?

01:31:05.000 We got the safe part down pat.

01:31:07.000 One pile.

01:31:10.000 Magnums.

01:31:12.000 You know what?

01:31:12.000 I might be able to spare one.

01:31:14.000 I mean, you know, I'll give you one.

01:31:16.000 It's fine.

01:31:16.000 I avoid situations.

01:31:18.000 Alright, good, good.

01:31:19.000 If you're good at avoiding situations, and you're situated, and I'm situated, situations under control.

01:31:26.000 Well, I'm glad that we agree on one thing.

01:31:28.000 Pause before you play.

01:31:29.000 Pause before you play, that's probably the most important.

01:31:31.000 You know what?

01:31:31.000 What is this?

01:31:31.000 A fucking high school video?

01:31:33.000 It is.

01:31:33.000 Who made this?

01:31:34.000 No, it is.

01:31:35.000 What was this on?

01:31:36.000 Hold on, what was this on?

01:31:37.000 The...

01:31:38.000 The Candies Foundation?

01:31:40.000 I don't know.

01:31:41.000 What was it on, television?

01:31:42.000 What was it, a commercial?

01:31:42.000 What was it?

01:31:43.000 I don't know.

01:31:44.000 It was a PSA, bro.

01:31:45.000 From...

01:31:45.000 The situation...

01:31:46.000 Yeah, it's a PSA of some sort.

01:31:48.000 Dude, that shit was designed by the terrorists.

01:31:52.000 That's designed to lower our standards and weaken our wills, and they're gonna fucking cross our borders and just start raping and pillaging.

01:31:59.000 Totally.

01:32:00.000 Motherfucker, that was dumb.

01:32:02.000 Yeah.

01:32:03.000 Holy shit, that was scary dumb.

01:32:05.000 What's the situation?

01:32:06.000 The situation ain't situating.

01:32:08.000 It's got abs in it.

01:32:08.000 The situation situation.

01:32:10.000 Whoa.

01:32:11.000 Whoever wrote that, they're just trying not to get...

01:32:13.000 You should tie a bicycle chain around your neck and jump into the ocean.

01:32:18.000 They're trying to give the kids a bicycle chain?

01:32:20.000 Yeah.

01:32:20.000 So that means they can, like, pedal out of it, baby.

01:32:23.000 So it can slowly drown.

01:32:24.000 What?

01:32:24.000 I want them to slowly drown.

01:32:25.000 A bicycle chain?

01:32:26.000 I can swim out.

01:32:28.000 I'm dropping you in the middle of the ocean.

01:32:30.000 Oh, in the middle of the ocean.

01:32:31.000 I just want, you know, you got to get that chain off first.

01:32:33.000 Yeah.

01:32:34.000 Fuck, I'm sick of that.

01:32:36.000 What I'm saying is, fuck you, bitch.

01:32:38.000 Goddamn, man.

01:32:39.000 Jesus.

01:32:40.000 Stop knocking the microphone, man.

01:32:41.000 You son of a bitch.

01:32:42.000 Fuck, aren't you hearing that?

01:32:44.000 No, I don't even hear it.

01:32:45.000 Does it hurt your ears?

01:32:46.000 Yeah.

01:32:47.000 Dude, it hurts everybody who's listening, too.

01:32:49.000 That shit's loud as fuck.

01:32:50.000 I'm so sorry.

01:32:51.000 Okay, here's the situation.

01:32:53.000 The situation's parents out town.

01:32:54.000 They just don't want people to, like, you know, bang each other.

01:32:58.000 Well, what is that about?

01:33:00.000 She's pretending she doesn't take dick anymore.

01:33:01.000 How dare you?

01:33:03.000 Right.

01:33:03.000 How dare you?

01:33:05.000 He's acting like he doesn't have sex without a condom or whatever.

01:33:09.000 Raw dog chicks?

01:33:09.000 Yeah, he's pulling out condoms.

01:33:11.000 That dude's had sex in a tanning bed.

01:33:13.000 He's probably not wearing a condom.

01:33:14.000 You don't think so?

01:33:15.000 No.

01:33:16.000 Did he have sex in a tanning bed on the show?

01:33:18.000 Probably.

01:33:18.000 Whoa, that's gotta be bad for your eyes.

01:33:22.000 Have you ever masturbated on a tanning bed?

01:33:24.000 No, I have not.

01:33:24.000 I sometimes masturbate about the chick that checks me in at the tanning bed because she's so fucking hot and she has huge tits and she's...

01:33:30.000 Oh wait, never mind.

01:33:31.000 Well, they say they have a problem with women doing that in tanning beds.

01:33:36.000 I've heard that.

01:33:36.000 The women like to masturbate in tanning beds.

01:33:38.000 Who wouldn't want to masturbate in a hot room?

01:33:40.000 Right.

01:33:41.000 Well...

01:33:44.000 We're in a little bubble.

01:33:45.000 You got nothing to do with it.

01:33:46.000 Maybe an Eskimo.

01:33:47.000 The worst is if you spray, though, and then it's early on in the tanning, it starts to sizzle.

01:33:52.000 Oh, yeah.

01:33:52.000 It cooks.

01:33:53.000 You're cooking jizz omelets on your stomach?

01:33:56.000 That's disgusting, though.

01:33:57.000 It sounds like it's a little 7-Up can by your ear.

01:33:59.000 That's the low point of this podcast, folks.

01:34:02.000 Jizz omelets Cooking jizz omelets Toastity go too far period blood How many times you walked out of the house with dry loads on your stomach?

01:34:15.000 Man, never.

01:34:16.000 Never?

01:34:16.000 I felt my belly like I missed a spot or something like that.

01:34:21.000 I feel a little crunchiness.

01:34:23.000 Jim Norton had a load in his belly button from the night before, and we were on Opie and Anthony, and he was telling everybody, he's like, oh, I'm smelling it.

01:34:31.000 Hold on a second.

01:34:31.000 And he dips his finger in it, and he gave it to one of the interns.

01:34:34.000 I forget who it was, and he made smell it.

01:34:36.000 And he almost threw up.

01:34:38.000 And then he goes, you want to try it?

01:34:39.000 I go, alright.

01:34:40.000 What?

01:34:41.000 So he sticks the smell.

01:34:43.000 I mean, basically, I smelled it.

01:34:45.000 So that dead, horrible smell.

01:34:48.000 Why would you say yes?

01:34:48.000 Because I was there.

01:34:49.000 I was on the radio.

01:34:50.000 Fuck it, I'll smell it.

01:34:51.000 So you sniffed Jim Norton's belly load?

01:34:53.000 Some of his belly load came into my nose in the form of fumes.

01:34:58.000 Basically.

01:34:59.000 I would say no to that, wouldn't you?

01:35:01.000 Yeah.

01:35:02.000 Yeah, I should have said no.

01:35:03.000 Well, on the radio...

01:35:05.000 I'm just trying to think of Joe...

01:35:06.000 Sure, I'll do it.

01:35:07.000 Yeah, but it's the...

01:35:08.000 Listen, the radio...

01:35:09.000 When you're on the radio, it's just like on this podcast.

01:35:11.000 Everybody's at 10. You're just trying to have fun.

01:35:12.000 Right.

01:35:12.000 Trying to do what's the funniest thing.

01:35:14.000 The funniest thing is the guy says, you want to smell my stinky load?

01:35:16.000 You go, okay.

01:35:18.000 Fuck it.

01:35:18.000 Come on.

01:35:19.000 We're on the radio, you know?

01:35:20.000 I'll smell your load if you really want me to.

01:35:23.000 You know, and he was kind of shocked, as I was, that I was smelling it.

01:35:25.000 Can I go to the bathroom?

01:35:26.000 Yeah, go ahead, man.

01:35:27.000 I'm just going to jerk off and put a load in my belly button.

01:35:30.000 Don't do it.

01:35:31.000 Don't do it.

01:35:32.000 There's something about the shape of the belly button that makes the loads ferment and fester.

01:35:37.000 And again...

01:35:38.000 Are you going right now?

01:35:38.000 Are you really moving?

01:35:39.000 No, he doesn't really have to go to the bathroom.

01:35:41.000 He's kidding.

01:35:41.000 I don't have to go to the bathroom.

01:35:42.000 Thanks, dude.

01:35:43.000 Brian didn't see it.

01:35:44.000 He didn't see the joke.

01:35:45.000 Man, good job.

01:35:46.000 You didn't even get my jokes?

01:35:47.000 It was an awesome joke, Brian.

01:35:49.000 You just totally missed it.

01:35:49.000 I was doing something.

01:35:50.000 I can't remember what I was doing.

01:35:54.000 We've got it down to a science of how much pot you should smoke before one of these things.

01:35:57.000 No, I was finding another video for you when you guys were talking.

01:36:01.000 The stars don't align.

01:36:03.000 What was another video?

01:36:04.000 Another PSA with the situation?

01:36:05.000 No.

01:36:06.000 Because I don't know if I can fucking take it.

01:36:07.000 Bro, I felt like you wasted moments of my life.

01:36:09.000 But at the same time, I think it's a step in the right direction that abstinence people have gone, well, people aren't going to stop fucking, so try to wear a condom.

01:36:18.000 Is that what they're doing?

01:36:19.000 Yeah, because before people...

01:36:21.000 But the abstinence people are all religious.

01:36:22.000 It's all religious people.

01:36:24.000 No one who has a brain is talking about abstinence.

01:36:27.000 That's just against human nature.

01:36:29.000 You can't stop people from touching each other.

01:36:31.000 If that's true, why would they even think for a second that the situation would best represent that PSA? I think because they think of him...

01:36:37.000 He's the guy who bangs a lot.

01:36:39.000 I mean, whatever.

01:36:40.000 They're trying to paint it in a nice way.

01:36:42.000 I think they just think he's famous.

01:36:43.000 I think it's that simple.

01:36:45.000 And he'll do that thing.

01:36:46.000 Yeah, as simple as he's famous, he's in the news, if they can get him to do it, people will pay attention.

01:36:51.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:36:52.000 But that shit is so bad.

01:36:54.000 That whole, the situation, you know, if you get in a situation, and her talking, I mean, it's so dumb.

01:36:59.000 Joey Diaz.

01:37:01.000 This better not be who I think it is.

01:37:02.000 Call from January.

01:37:07.000 I think it is Joey Diaz.

01:37:10.000 How dare he?

01:37:12.000 I'm not answering shit.

01:37:14.000 So Joey Diaz, we're not fucking picking up the phone, bro.

01:37:17.000 I need to remember to unplug this phone.

01:37:19.000 Most people don't call me when we're doing a podcast, but occasionally someone gets confused.

01:37:24.000 Robot off.

01:37:25.000 I know, I need one of those, right?

01:37:27.000 Yes.

01:37:27.000 I just need to unplug it.

01:37:28.000 The problem is the bass is not in this room.

01:37:30.000 I'm a disorganized motherfucker, Brian.

01:37:33.000 I wish I had an Ewok.

01:37:34.000 I've made great strides, though, in creating this room.

01:37:38.000 We actually have a place where we do the podcast every week, and it feels like this is where it all comes from.

01:37:43.000 It feels like it's right.

01:37:44.000 It's a desk.

01:37:44.000 It's like we've got a soundboard.

01:37:46.000 It's all professional equipment and shit.

01:37:48.000 A friend of mine just started watching the podcast, and he started with episode one, and he's like, holy shit, dude, this is the craziest thing ever.

01:37:55.000 You guys were just sitting in front of a laptop, and you had snowflakes coming down.

01:37:59.000 That's right.

01:38:00.000 We did all kinds of stupid shit.

01:38:01.000 It was like Christmas Eve or something like that.

01:38:03.000 Yeah, was it?

01:38:04.000 Something like that.

01:38:05.000 Why don't I get any snowflakes?

01:38:07.000 We lost that technology.

01:38:09.000 Listen, it's hard enough to keep the image on the air.

01:38:12.000 With these Ustream feeds, a lot of times it cuts out and a lot of times our internet will shut off and it cuts out.

01:38:21.000 It's a pain in the ass, man.

01:38:22.000 You just want to make sure that you just...

01:38:24.000 The most important thing is the audio.

01:38:27.000 Where do you get a tube that goes right to the internet?

01:38:30.000 I'm not even sure what the internet is.

01:38:32.000 Me neither.

01:38:33.000 Do you know what it is?

01:38:33.000 Like, if someone said, hey, you gotta go fix the internet.

01:38:36.000 It's broke.

01:38:37.000 I know, like, where would you walk to with your tool belt?

01:38:40.000 Like, you're like, is it the end of this hallway?

01:38:43.000 I mean, it would be broke forever if it was just left out.

01:38:47.000 Yeah, we're stupid.

01:38:49.000 Well, you'd be like, where the fuck is it?

01:38:52.000 And how do you fix it?

01:38:53.000 You'd have to relearn the whole thing.

01:38:55.000 I figure it's like in Tron.

01:38:57.000 What's that?

01:38:58.000 What about Tron?

01:38:59.000 It's going to be very strange when everything's wireless, which is going to be inevitable.

01:39:03.000 What are you talking about?

01:39:04.000 When there's no difference between being plugged in and not being plugged in, which is probably inevitable.

01:39:11.000 What are you talking about?

01:39:12.000 It's like that now.

01:39:13.000 Yeah, but it's not totally like that now.

01:39:14.000 There's a lot of places that don't have Wi-Fi.

01:39:16.000 There's a lot of people that have their computer plugged in.

01:39:18.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:39:18.000 This computer's plugged in.

01:39:19.000 But eventually, that's not even an option.

01:39:22.000 Why would you get a plug?

01:39:23.000 Are you stupid?

01:39:24.000 You just turn it on.

01:39:25.000 It just picks it up.

01:39:26.000 It's everywhere.

01:39:27.000 That's the next step.

01:39:31.000 It's fucking fascinating shit, man.

01:39:33.000 Fascinating shit where all these computers and technology...

01:39:35.000 It sucks when the shit starts going wrong, though.

01:39:37.000 Like, my shit's just altogether going wrong at the same time, and I feel like I'm just in a disaster right now.

01:39:43.000 Wait, have you had superpowers?

01:39:45.000 My technology, my computers, everything...

01:39:46.000 Yeah, you've had a bunch of problems, and one of them that you shouldn't talk about too much because of the nature of the problem.

01:39:51.000 Oh.

01:39:52.000 You know, that one with the software issue?

01:39:55.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:39:56.000 Yeah.

01:39:56.000 No, no, like...

01:39:58.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:39:59.000 Right.

01:39:59.000 Follow back.

01:40:00.000 You need a flashlight?

01:40:01.000 No, no, no.

01:40:02.000 Like, all my shit...

01:40:02.000 Oh, wait.

01:40:03.000 What were you talking about again?

01:40:05.000 Put it in your eyeball.

01:40:06.000 What?

01:40:06.000 No, all my shit's, like, breaking at the same time.

01:40:08.000 Like, all my...

01:40:09.000 Like, my dog decided to eat my laptop cable, and my battery decided to die.

01:40:14.000 My hard drive's dying.

01:40:15.000 And then, like, my TV, my HDMI cable shorted out.

01:40:19.000 My washing machine broke the other day.

01:40:21.000 It's like, everything is breaking right now.

01:40:23.000 It's the beginning of the apocalypse break.

01:40:24.000 It is.

01:40:24.000 It's a little mini apocalypse in your house.

01:40:26.000 It's my own little technology 2012. I just thought you had, like, superpowers or something to magnetize the broken cables.

01:40:34.000 I thought, what are you doing?

01:40:36.000 I'm putting it inside out.

01:40:37.000 That looks fucking disgusting!

01:40:38.000 Brian, don't do that.

01:40:39.000 Bro!

01:40:40.000 This is the flashlight that our guests have to touch.

01:40:43.000 Man, wait, you're...

01:40:43.000 And you're just abusing it and manhandling it.

01:40:45.000 And I feel it's really dirty when you take it out of the sleeve to clean it.

01:40:49.000 Like, it looks really disgusting.

01:40:51.000 Is that the butthole one?

01:40:52.000 This is either one that you actually used, remember?

01:40:54.000 Ew, no, it's not.

01:40:57.000 Man, that looks like a real-life butthole, I have to say, man.

01:41:00.000 I've seen a butthole or two in my time.

01:41:01.000 They make an actual mold of a real-life butthole.

01:41:04.000 Well, you know, if you weren't into doing gay porn, but they offered you a million bucks for a foam mold of your butthole, they said, listen, we're going to give you a stone-cold, solid $1 million.

01:41:19.000 All we need, we're just going to throw some plaster of Paris over your butthole and make a little impression.

01:41:23.000 Of me?

01:41:24.000 Yeah, and sell your rubber butthole.

01:41:25.000 Would you do it?

01:41:26.000 I would do it for like $16. $16. dollars that's That's so random.

01:41:38.000 Brian, for publicly, for a mold of your butthole, this would be like an argument that I'd have to have with my manager.

01:41:43.000 They'd be like, don't do it.

01:41:44.000 I don't think you should do it.

01:41:45.000 Oh, I gotta put my name on it?

01:41:47.000 It's a million dollars.

01:41:48.000 You wouldn't do it?

01:41:49.000 Yeah, you gotta sell your butthole.

01:41:51.000 Are you gonna do it?

01:41:52.000 Well, I'm putting it out there right now.

01:41:54.000 I'm putting it out there to all the would-be butthole toy manufacturers.

01:41:56.000 You think people are going to pay a million dollars for your butthole?

01:41:58.000 No, I don't.

01:41:59.000 I don't think they are.

01:42:00.000 Your ass is a little over bright.

01:42:01.000 I don't think you can get a million dollars.

01:42:03.000 I think you're right, but that's my price.

01:42:05.000 A million?

01:42:06.000 One million, yeah.

01:42:07.000 I won't do it for any less.

01:42:08.000 You're pricing yourself out, bro.

01:42:10.000 Yeah, but I'm not.

01:42:10.000 But I'm not.

01:42:11.000 If some crazy old gay freak with a lot of cash steps up.

01:42:15.000 Let's talk you down.

01:42:16.000 No, what do you mean?

01:42:17.000 It's mass-produced.

01:42:19.000 How much for mass-produced?

01:42:20.000 It has to be $1 million.

01:42:21.000 Simple.

01:42:21.000 It's very simple.

01:42:22.000 You wouldn't go down.

01:42:23.000 You could get a rubber mold of my butthole and it will cost you $1 million.

01:42:27.000 I think I'm quite clear.

01:42:29.000 I would do it for $10,000, Chris.

01:42:30.000 I don't need to negotiate.

01:42:32.000 Either way, I'm happy.

01:42:34.000 I'm happy if it's yes, I'm happy if it's no.

01:42:37.000 I don't care.

01:42:38.000 I'm glad you have your price, Joe Rogan.

01:42:40.000 If it's no, I keep some self-esteem points.

01:42:43.000 I feel good about myself.

01:42:44.000 If it's yes, holy shit, I just made a million bucks to lie down with some plaster of Paris over my butthole.

01:42:49.000 All right, let's take it the other way then.

01:42:50.000 Okay, let's do this.

01:42:51.000 All right.

01:42:53.000 At what point do you sell yourself so bad, you know what I mean, that you can't recover?

01:42:58.000 All right, how much money would it take you to, like, suck a horse?

01:43:02.000 You know, you could go that far.

01:43:03.000 Yeah, you can go too far.

01:43:05.000 Ha ha!

01:43:06.000 You could certainly go too far.

01:43:08.000 But could you?

01:43:09.000 Okay, how long is it taking to suck this horse's dick?

01:43:11.000 What if you only had to suck a horse's dick until he came?

01:43:15.000 Well, what if horses come really quick?

01:43:17.000 You know, I don't know.

01:43:18.000 I bet they're super sensitive.

01:43:19.000 Are you talking pre-cum or full-cum?

01:43:21.000 I'm talking a full load.

01:43:22.000 A load.

01:43:23.000 You don't have to swallow it because you can't.

01:43:26.000 A pre-cum's probably a 12-gallon.

01:43:29.000 Someone might be able to get fucked by a horse, but I don't see anybody swallowing a horse load.

01:43:33.000 You will fucking drown.

01:43:35.000 And that's the worst way to call the paramedics, when you're drowning by horse load.

01:43:40.000 And that shit would happen, man.

01:43:41.000 Remember that old man show guy that would chug the beers?

01:43:43.000 Imagine him just trying to keep up with a horse's load.

01:43:46.000 Well, it's like, of course you wouldn't want to do that.

01:43:49.000 Of course that would be a terrible thing to do.

01:43:50.000 But what if it was, and this is the ultimate hack premise, but what if it was for $100 million or something crazy like that?

01:43:57.000 Or a billion?

01:43:58.000 I know, dude.

01:43:58.000 Suck a horse's dick for an hour for a billion dollars.

01:44:01.000 For an hour?

01:44:02.000 My bad.

01:44:02.000 I should have never said that, man.

01:44:04.000 Well, you don't have to actually suck it for a whole hour because it probably won't take that long.

01:44:08.000 But you're committed to attempt it for one hour.

01:44:11.000 Does this have to be a horse or can it be a pony?

01:44:13.000 Wow.

01:44:16.000 I was thinking.

01:44:19.000 I was thinking like...

01:44:21.000 That's how juvenile I am.

01:44:22.000 Yeah, I know.

01:44:22.000 I'm so juvenile, that was the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life.

01:44:26.000 I paused for a second and pictured you blowing a pony.

01:44:30.000 That's all I could think of.

01:44:31.000 The pony was brown and white, too.

01:44:34.000 It was really cute.

01:44:35.000 Wow.

01:44:36.000 Mine had red ribbons in it, too.

01:44:38.000 Red ribbons!

01:44:39.000 Yeah, I was like, why does it have red ribbons in it, too?

01:44:41.000 What is it about little kids that love ponies and horsies and shit like that?

01:44:44.000 What is it, man?

01:44:45.000 No idea.

01:44:46.000 Having little kids, man.

01:44:48.000 My daughter loves horsies.

01:44:49.000 She loves horsies and ponies.

01:44:51.000 It's a giant nice animal that you can ride.

01:44:54.000 But she doesn't know you can ride it.

01:44:57.000 What?

01:44:57.000 She doesn't know.

01:44:58.000 She's two.

01:44:59.000 She doesn't know you can ride a fucking horse.

01:45:00.000 That's ridiculous to her.

01:45:01.000 She must have seen somebody at a fair.

01:45:03.000 She's seen Barbie.

01:45:04.000 Yeah, Barbie.

01:45:05.000 Maybe she's seen it on movies.

01:45:07.000 She's seen it in movies.

01:45:08.000 Animated movies.

01:45:10.000 For no reason.

01:45:11.000 But what is it about girls and horses?

01:45:12.000 Do you think it's something sexual?

01:45:15.000 Absolutely.

01:45:15.000 I've talked to a few people before and they all say it feels fucking great.

01:45:20.000 Yeah.

01:45:20.000 It's constantly rubbing their pussy.

01:45:23.000 If you look at where their sexual organs are, it's like they're constantly titty-fucking that horse.

01:45:27.000 Why do you think?

01:45:28.000 I live in an equestrian district and every time I go to Starbucks, there's at least four of them in there.

01:45:33.000 They are always plain Jane girls because they can't I agree.

01:45:49.000 They're like, what?

01:45:50.000 That's so weird.

01:45:50.000 Come on.

01:45:53.000 You believe that?

01:45:54.000 All the women that ride horses around me, all the women in my neighborhood who ride horses, look like they're getting away with something.

01:46:01.000 Yeah.

01:46:01.000 They're smirking, and they're looking you in the eyes.

01:46:06.000 They're looking you in the eye while they're nutting in their jeans.

01:46:09.000 While there's this huge brown muscle underneath them, just fucking tightening up.

01:46:14.000 And it's moving, clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop.

01:46:17.000 Watching iPhone porn as they're riding the...

01:46:20.000 No, holding the hair.

01:46:21.000 The standard excuse for why a woman lost her hymen.

01:46:26.000 The number one excuse was, oh, she lost at horseback riding.

01:46:29.000 Right.

01:46:30.000 Did you know that?

01:46:31.000 Now I do.

01:46:32.000 Because, you know, it was always, hey, you know, they check to make sure a version.

01:46:35.000 What's going on, Hooker?

01:46:36.000 You been getting dick stuffed in there?

01:46:37.000 No, I ride horses.

01:46:38.000 Like, oh, okay, that's cool.

01:46:40.000 Wow.

01:46:41.000 So it was legit to bust your hymen?

01:46:43.000 Yeah.

01:46:43.000 Legit to bust your hymen and bust a nut.

01:46:46.000 I bet they do.

01:46:47.000 Cowboys used to carve out their saddles and make little holes when they ride.

01:46:50.000 Really?

01:46:50.000 Did they?

01:46:51.000 Yeah.

01:46:51.000 Just stick their dick in there?

01:46:52.000 Mm-mm.

01:46:53.000 You just made that up.

01:46:54.000 Mm-mm.

01:46:54.000 You fuck.

01:46:54.000 That's what I would do.

01:46:55.000 Is that what you would do?

01:46:56.000 Fuck yeah.

01:46:56.000 I would think of something like that.

01:46:57.000 Make a flashlight somehow to attach to my saddle.

01:47:00.000 So you jerk off when you're driving?

01:47:01.000 On a long road trip, you jerk off?

01:47:04.000 Just jerk off the whole time.

01:47:05.000 I've jerked off once in a car that I can remember.

01:47:07.000 I don't think I did it again.

01:47:09.000 I definitely did it once, though.

01:47:10.000 And I was working.

01:47:11.000 And I remember very clearly after I came thinking, I'm definitely going to do this again.

01:47:16.000 I'm such an idiot.

01:47:17.000 Like being disappointed with myself.

01:47:19.000 Like I know I'll be doing it.

01:47:20.000 It's not like I just jerked off all over myself while I'm driving once.

01:47:24.000 Like this is going to be a regular occurrence.

01:47:25.000 So I'm thinking this is eventually going to become embarrassing for me.

01:47:29.000 Ha ha ha.

01:47:29.000 But then what happened, man?

01:47:31.000 I just never did it again.

01:47:31.000 I don't know what happened.

01:47:32.000 You just lost your will.

01:47:34.000 I guess maybe I just rationalized.

01:47:36.000 I looked at, like, am I really that horny?

01:47:38.000 Am I really that horny, or am I just looking to be distracted while I'm driving?

01:47:42.000 Like, what am I doing?

01:47:43.000 This is stupid.

01:47:44.000 This is poor time management.

01:47:47.000 Plus, it's hard to look at your GPS and imagine it's a girl.

01:47:50.000 No.

01:47:51.000 Didn't you have a chick that got jealous?

01:47:53.000 Yeah, my GPS wants your voice.

01:47:55.000 Listen to this.

01:47:56.000 He had a fucking GPS thing where it was an English woman's voice.

01:48:00.000 Yeah.

01:48:00.000 And his girl got jealous.

01:48:02.000 She kept on making me change it to guys.

01:48:04.000 And then I would download the British chick.

01:48:06.000 It was a TomTom.

01:48:07.000 And I would download the British chick.

01:48:08.000 And she'd be like, what the fuck is this chick?

01:48:11.000 Just turn it to the regular guy.

01:48:13.000 What do you think?

01:48:14.000 She's hot?

01:48:15.000 What is...

01:48:15.000 Whoa!

01:48:17.000 That is so fucking crazy!

01:48:22.000 What kind of a hell were you living in?

01:48:24.000 It was when GPS first came out.

01:48:26.000 Was it a fiery, lava-filled, hot sticker up the ass hell?

01:48:31.000 Tell me about that thing.

01:48:33.000 It was just when GPS came out and for some reason it annoyed her.

01:48:36.000 She didn't like that it was a girl talking.

01:48:39.000 But she said, do you think she sounds hot?

01:48:41.000 She asked why I just didn't have a normal guy voice.

01:48:44.000 She thought it was odd that I always made it a sexy Asian girl speaking English voice or whatever.

01:48:50.000 What?

01:48:51.000 They have that option?

01:48:53.000 They have British woman, UK, Asian, American, Asian, Asian.

01:48:58.000 Really?

01:48:59.000 Did you ever get to the point where you were hearing that, where you were going, I have to get out of this relationship?

01:49:03.000 No, it came out to the point where they had it where you could make your own recordings of it.

01:49:08.000 She did it?!

01:49:09.000 What the hell is wrong with you, man?

01:49:12.000 You did it?

01:49:14.000 Why would I want to hear myself talk to me?

01:49:17.000 I want to hear the chick say, I'm like, thanks, lady.

01:49:20.000 Or I want to be like, yeah, thanks, baby.

01:49:24.000 I did it, so it's like, turn the fuck up here.

01:49:27.000 I just cussed and stuff.

01:49:29.000 And she was happy with that?

01:49:30.000 Yeah, well, we broke up after, I think, around that time.

01:49:34.000 Bro, I would have broke up with her.

01:49:35.000 Oh, my God.

01:49:36.000 I would have kicked her out of the car.

01:49:37.000 Like, right there.

01:49:38.000 Wyatt was still moving.

01:49:40.000 Have you ever kicked a girl out of your car?

01:49:42.000 Yeah.

01:49:43.000 What the hell are you talking about?

01:49:44.000 The way he said it.

01:49:46.000 Wait, you said yeah.

01:49:48.000 Yeah, I kicked you out.

01:49:49.000 You were saying yeah, but what you were really saying was, of course, stupid.

01:49:52.000 Yeah, I was saying of course, stupid.

01:49:54.000 That was my next thing, of course.

01:49:56.000 Of course.

01:49:57.000 I've only kicked out one girl in my car ever.

01:49:59.000 I think it was like high school time, though.

01:50:01.000 I was like, dude.

01:50:02.000 Get out of my car.

01:50:03.000 It was like little kids.

01:50:05.000 I have one crazy bitch that I dated when I was 21. Just loved to fight.

01:50:10.000 Just loved to, for whatever reason, just start picking fights.

01:50:14.000 When you date people, you figure out some people are out of their minds.

01:50:17.000 This one was nuts.

01:50:18.000 She used to like to fight, and then she used to like me to go, Hey, what the fuck is wrong with you?

01:50:23.000 Stop picking on me.

01:50:24.000 Stop yelling at me.

01:50:25.000 Just fucking chill out.

01:50:27.000 You're acting like an asshole.

01:50:28.000 I'm not doing anything to you.

01:50:30.000 And then she would go super submissive.

01:50:32.000 It was really crazy.

01:50:33.000 And then want to fuck.

01:50:34.000 That was like her constant strategy.

01:50:36.000 So after a while, it was like she wanted to be handled.

01:50:40.000 So she wanted to rise up.

01:50:41.000 She wanted to say shitty things.

01:50:42.000 And it would build.

01:50:43.000 She would start with like a little insult.

01:50:45.000 And then it would go on.

01:50:47.000 And I would ignore it.

01:50:48.000 I would try to just like, please, let's not fight.

01:50:50.000 And then we get to the point where she would say something really stupid.

01:50:52.000 And I have to go, hey, what the fuck are you doing?

01:50:54.000 Do we like each other?

01:50:55.000 Why are you talking to me like this?

01:50:57.000 Like, what's going on here?

01:50:58.000 This is dumb, dumb shit.

01:50:59.000 Like, you're not considering my feelings.

01:51:03.000 And then she would go, I'm sorry.

01:51:04.000 You're right.

01:51:05.000 I'm sorry.

01:51:06.000 Fuck, I'm an asshole.

01:51:06.000 I'm a loser.

01:51:07.000 I don't know what's wrong with me.

01:51:08.000 And then she would want to crash.

01:51:10.000 And she would want me to fuck her.

01:51:11.000 What is that?

01:51:12.000 Is that life smaller or what?

01:51:14.000 I date the same kind of girls.

01:51:16.000 It's a sort of like a distraction, sexual reward game.

01:51:21.000 You're just bored.

01:51:21.000 You want to fight.

01:51:22.000 Well, it's just they also have that pattern.

01:51:24.000 It's usually every relationship they've had has had that pattern.

01:51:27.000 They have drama with their friends.

01:51:29.000 They usually have drama at home.

01:51:31.000 It's like some people become addicted to drama.

01:51:33.000 And the big thrill you get from sort of overcoming drama.

01:51:37.000 You know, how many dudes do you know that just like, you have to fucking get in a yelling match with this asshole before you can be friends with him?

01:51:42.000 I mean, how many guys have you ever met?

01:51:44.000 I mean, in our circles and circles of guys who train and MMA guys and high testosterone individuals, there's always this one guy where you have to go, bro, what the fuck?

01:51:52.000 And then he's okay.

01:51:54.000 Are you trying to say that about me right now, man?

01:51:56.000 No.

01:51:57.000 I'm just kidding.

01:51:58.000 I'm just kidding, bro.

01:52:00.000 What the fuck?

01:52:01.000 That sounds like something I would say.

01:52:04.000 Oh, coconut juice.

01:52:06.000 It's the shit, isn't it?

01:52:08.000 I got a fucking complaint from a young man on Twitter.

01:52:10.000 What?

01:52:11.000 Saying that the coconut juice, I was steering him wrong.

01:52:14.000 That coconut juice tastes like shit.

01:52:15.000 Yeah, well, he's done.

01:52:16.000 You gotta get the right stuff.

01:52:17.000 You gotta get the right stuff.

01:52:18.000 And, you know, I bet there's some people out there like, man, I like Mountain Dew gold.

01:52:22.000 Joe Rogan made me smoke, you know, drink this coconut juice.

01:52:25.000 Well, I like Mountain Dew gold.

01:52:27.000 I don't have a problem with Mountain Dew gold.

01:52:29.000 No, you know what I'm saying, though?

01:52:30.000 They're just like, whatever.

01:52:31.000 They drink Mountain Dew every day, and that's it.

01:52:34.000 You know, think guys like that.

01:52:36.000 Like, the same people that make fun of me for enjoying grape vodka.

01:52:39.000 What do you like?

01:52:40.000 Flavored vodka, you faggot?

01:52:41.000 You need to drink Budweiser.

01:52:43.000 Sorry for dropping the F-bomb again.

01:52:45.000 You can say whatever you want.

01:52:46.000 Bro, I'm allowed to do that.

01:52:47.000 Yeah, I don't care.

01:52:48.000 I only retired it because I saw that.

01:52:51.000 I know.

01:52:51.000 I stopped doing it too.

01:52:53.000 Really?

01:52:54.000 Yeah, and I want to say it sometimes because I'm used to it because to me it means something way different.

01:52:59.000 I saw that show, Louie, and I saw the guy and I was like, oh, I get it now.

01:53:06.000 I see why gay people hate that word.

01:53:08.000 It's not correct.

01:53:09.000 But it's PH. No, but to them, it's like real hateful heart.

01:53:13.000 And I'm like, oh, to me, it's like what we say when we're little kids.

01:53:17.000 You're just like, whatever, fag.

01:53:20.000 You don't mean it at anything.

01:53:21.000 I've been saying it for so long.

01:53:23.000 That was a great scene, but what I was saying is not correct is when he was saying that the origin of the word faggot meant that you would throw them on the fire just like faggots of wood.

01:53:33.000 Oh, that's not true?

01:53:34.000 No, that's not the correct, what they call etymology.

01:53:37.000 It's not etymology?

01:53:38.000 No, the correct one is that A faggot, like a bundle of wood, was a burden and it was difficult to carry.

01:53:45.000 So a woman became a faggot.

01:53:47.000 So women were faggots because they were a bundle of wood that was difficult to carry.

01:53:51.000 They became burdensome.

01:53:53.000 And then when they would talk about guys who were gay, they would call them faggots too because they were women.

01:53:58.000 They would just, look at him, he's a faggot.

01:53:59.000 He's a burdensome woman.

01:54:00.000 That's what the correct...

01:54:02.000 So me calling Jason's mom a faggot was actually proper terminology.

01:54:04.000 Well, I don't know if his mom was a burdensome woman.

01:54:07.000 She might have been a joy to be around and a wonderful companion.

01:54:10.000 Like a bundle of wood.

01:54:12.000 Could have been.

01:54:13.000 I don't know.

01:54:14.000 But either way, yeah.

01:54:15.000 The problem is that it has a different definition for gay people than it does for us.

01:54:19.000 Yeah, that's the only reason that I don't want to say it.

01:54:21.000 Oh, my bad.

01:54:23.000 How long ago did you retire?

01:54:25.000 I don't know.

01:54:26.000 A while ago.

01:54:27.000 That's really...

01:54:28.000 Whenever I saw that...

01:54:29.000 It took a while.

01:54:31.000 I saw it and I thought about it.

01:54:32.000 And I'm like, yeah, that is like hate, like hateful word, like such a to them.

01:54:37.000 And to me, it's not that way.

01:54:39.000 And I understand why people say it.

01:54:40.000 Cause when you want to like disrespect a dude as much as you can, then you just say that, but you're not thinking you're gay.

01:54:46.000 Like it just has a nice ring to it.

01:54:48.000 It just sounds like mean.

01:54:50.000 That's why people, you know, say it.

01:54:52.000 Yeah.

01:54:52.000 It sounds very dismissive.

01:54:53.000 I never said it to a gay dude ever.

01:54:55.000 I don't think.

01:54:55.000 No, I never have either.

01:54:56.000 Yeah.

01:54:57.000 I know.

01:54:57.000 Yeah.

01:54:58.000 Lucy can't have that great joke about it unless he was being a faggot.

01:55:01.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:55:02.000 He said something about, all the people from Phoenix are Phoenicians.

01:55:07.000 Shut up, you faggot.

01:55:08.000 You know, that's...

01:55:09.000 Hey, you're not about to say it anymore.

01:55:11.000 I'm just quoting Louis C.K. Oh, dude!

01:55:14.000 You're just going to start quoting people all the time.

01:55:16.000 That's what I'm going to do.

01:55:18.000 This is how I'm going to keep saying faggot by bringing up that I'm not saying it.

01:55:21.000 Until the end of time.

01:55:28.000 The loophole.

01:55:29.000 Well, you know, there's always another time.

01:55:31.000 Look, I'm not going to ignore topics.

01:55:33.000 We're not going to pretend it's not real, ladies and gentlemen.

01:55:35.000 Okay?

01:55:35.000 All I'm saying is I'm not going to use it as a slander, as a slur.

01:55:39.000 It's not a slander.

01:55:40.000 You're going to be mad at somebody.

01:55:41.000 You're going to be like, if I didn't retire that word faggot right now, it would be a proper time to use that answer.

01:55:48.000 I wonder if I can still say faggotry, because that's not even the same word.

01:55:51.000 It's like saying niggardly.

01:55:53.000 Yeah, that's the trick.

01:55:55.000 That's a tricky word.

01:55:56.000 That means stingy.

01:55:57.000 It has no origins.

01:55:59.000 It's not related to the word.

01:56:00.000 At all.

01:56:01.000 At all.

01:56:01.000 I know, it's so weird.

01:56:03.000 The word nigger.

01:56:04.000 It's close.

01:56:05.000 I said it.

01:56:06.000 I said it and I don't give a fuck.

01:56:08.000 I'm not calling anybody it.

01:56:09.000 We're just admitting that it's real.

01:56:11.000 So you're more scared of gay people than black people?

01:56:13.000 No!

01:56:13.000 I'm not saying...

01:56:14.000 I'm not calling anyone it.

01:56:15.000 I'm just saying that it's a word.

01:56:17.000 And sometimes when you're talking about the N-word, it's more offensive to me to say the N-word.

01:56:22.000 Oh, Joe.

01:56:23.000 Here we go again.

01:56:24.000 You silly bitch.

01:56:26.000 We're going again with you.

01:56:29.000 You fucking terrible person.

01:56:32.000 Did you call someone's mom a faggot?

01:56:34.000 Oh, I did not.

01:56:36.000 You called my mom a faggot, bro.

01:56:38.000 And I fucking forgot about it.

01:56:40.000 Jason T-Ball, he called his mom a faggot.

01:56:44.000 Oh, really?

01:56:45.000 Yeah, Brian did.

01:56:46.000 He just didn't give a fuck.

01:56:47.000 Look at him.

01:56:47.000 He's reckless.

01:56:48.000 Whatever.

01:56:49.000 Brian's doing stand-up.

01:56:50.000 Why?

01:56:50.000 Does she have like a short haircut or something?

01:56:52.000 No, she's a lesbian.

01:56:54.000 She's a real lesbian.

01:56:55.000 I know.

01:56:55.000 She's a real live lesbian and he's running around calling her a faggot.

01:56:57.000 Why?

01:56:58.000 Because that's Brian.

01:56:59.000 That's how he rolls.

01:57:00.000 He doesn't give a fuck.

01:57:00.000 And the reason I called your mom a faggot...

01:57:02.000 Yeah, why'd you call my mom a faggot?

01:57:03.000 Because the fella was tight like an asshole.

01:57:06.000 What?

01:57:07.000 What?

01:57:07.000 She was tight like an asshole.

01:57:09.000 Brian.

01:57:10.000 Man.

01:57:11.000 This is the worst showstopper you've ever thrown.

01:57:13.000 I know, dude.

01:57:14.000 Why would you say that to Mayhem's mom?

01:57:16.000 Dude, my mom downloads the podcast, bro.

01:57:19.000 Does your mom download the podcast?

01:57:20.000 Yeah.

01:57:20.000 Oh, bro.

01:57:22.000 Why did you just do that, man?

01:57:24.000 What did you just do?

01:57:25.000 You're going to have to go back and edit this.

01:57:27.000 This is going to be the lost tapes.

01:57:29.000 Listen, somebody tweet me the time here.

01:57:32.000 My mom wakes up in like four hours, bro.

01:57:35.000 Bro, how dare you, man?

01:57:36.000 That is not cool at all, dude.

01:57:38.000 Oh, whatever.

01:57:39.000 And she's very sensitive about that.

01:57:40.000 I'm sure that's a good thing.

01:57:41.000 If she was sitting around, at least she didn't say I was sloppy, you know?

01:57:45.000 I'm sure she probably is happy about that.

01:57:47.000 But you're insinuating you fucked his mom.

01:57:48.000 I did not.

01:57:49.000 You didn't fuck my mom?

01:57:50.000 She said she came out here.

01:57:54.000 She said you guys talked on Twitter.

01:57:57.000 Huh?

01:57:58.000 My mom said you guys talked on Twitter.

01:57:59.000 How crazy is that LeBron James story where one of his teammates was fucking his mom?

01:58:05.000 Yeah, that's crazy.

01:58:07.000 Do you know that story?

01:58:08.000 Wow.

01:58:08.000 One of LeBron's teammates was fucking his mom.

01:58:12.000 Makes sense.

01:58:15.000 That's gotta be rough, though.

01:58:16.000 Wait, and what team?

01:58:18.000 The Miami Heat?

01:58:19.000 Yeah, whatever.

01:58:19.000 No, the other one.

01:58:21.000 Oh, yeah, in Cleveland.

01:58:22.000 There's not a lot to do up there in Cleveland.

01:58:23.000 So they just fuck people's moms?

01:58:25.000 Yeah.

01:58:25.000 Fuck people's moms.

01:58:26.000 This has got to be a lot of things ahead of fuck this guy's mom.

01:58:28.000 I'm from Columbus.

01:58:29.000 It's true.

01:58:30.000 We just fuck each other's moms.

01:58:31.000 Dude, how happy are you when it gets to be like November, December, like right now?

01:58:36.000 I'm not kidding.

01:58:36.000 Really?

01:58:36.000 My mom is from Columbus, Ohio.

01:58:38.000 That makes sense.

01:58:38.000 That's where I met her.

01:58:40.000 Perfect.

01:58:43.000 That's where I met her.

01:58:45.000 You're not letting this go.

01:58:46.000 This is horrible.

01:58:47.000 So creepy.

01:58:48.000 Man, my mom's gonna be pissed watching this podcast.

01:58:50.000 Yeah, man.

01:58:50.000 Mrs. Mayhem, I'm sorry.

01:58:52.000 Yeah.

01:58:53.000 For my friend Brian, most of what he says is just for comedic value.

01:58:57.000 He doesn't really mean that.

01:58:58.000 Dude, this whole thing is, you can't take anything serious on this podcast.

01:59:01.000 Please don't.

01:59:01.000 I would like to kiss her in the Buckeye.

01:59:02.000 It's ridiculous.

01:59:03.000 Please don't take anything I say ever, anywhere, seriously.

01:59:07.000 I know.

01:59:07.000 That's the problem I have.

01:59:09.000 It's not worth it.

01:59:10.000 It's not worth it.

01:59:11.000 It's too much of an investment.

01:59:13.000 Right?

01:59:14.000 You know, I wouldn't take anything I said seriously.

01:59:18.000 We're just saying silly things because it's fun.

01:59:20.000 Yeah, I mean, that's what the beauty of podcasts are, folks.

01:59:23.000 You're getting a little window into a retarded conversation that Mayhem and I would have probably had with or without you.

01:59:28.000 Yeah!

01:59:30.000 Probably, right?

01:59:31.000 Fuck yeah!

01:59:31.000 That's one of the coolest things about doing this podcast, is basically hanging out with your friends, except other people all throughout the world.

01:59:38.000 And I'll tell you, man, I've gotten all these fucking emails, and I've met all these people that tell me how they don't have anybody like these people.

01:59:47.000 They don't know anyone like you, or like a lot of the guests that I have.

01:59:50.000 They don't know these fucking people.

01:59:51.000 They don't have anyone like this in their life.

01:59:53.000 They don't have friends that talk to us.

01:59:54.000 They don't have people that talk to us.

01:59:55.000 But by listening to this thing three, four hours every week or so, You get all these weird different people become a part of your daily conversations.

02:00:06.000 This is like super hyper-accelerating shit for some people.

02:00:10.000 From people that live in shitty places where they have poor conversations with people and they long for someone who can bring challenging ideas to their head.

02:00:20.000 Yeah.

02:00:21.000 Radio has always been a format of smart people, I think.

02:00:27.000 Or people who you want to...

02:00:30.000 Yeah, communication.

02:00:32.000 Higher levels of communication.

02:00:34.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:00:35.000 I mean, there's obviously a lot of bad shit, like a lot of the right-wing, rah-rah talk radio.

02:00:39.000 Yeah, but that's for those people.

02:00:41.000 You know what I mean?

02:00:43.000 People want something to rally against.

02:00:45.000 People want something to be a part of.

02:00:47.000 We all do.

02:00:48.000 I do.

02:00:48.000 I always wanted to win a radio call-in contest.

02:00:51.000 I always wanted to hear my name on the radio when I was driving somewhere.

02:00:55.000 Dude, you should totally host some sort of a regular radio show.

02:01:00.000 What?

02:01:00.000 You could totally do something like that.

02:01:02.000 What?

02:01:03.000 Host some sort of a regular radio show.

02:01:05.000 MMA hour?

02:01:06.000 Yeah.

02:01:07.000 Yeah.

02:01:07.000 You want me to crank up a podcast?

02:01:09.000 You could totally do something for Sirius or something like that.

02:01:12.000 It's called blowing your speakers.

02:01:13.000 You doing it just...

02:01:14.000 Yeah.

02:01:15.000 You, an hour.

02:01:16.000 I didn't even know.

02:01:17.000 One time a week?

02:01:18.000 Just throw it in one time a week?

02:01:20.000 Do it for an hour?

02:01:21.000 Are you offering me a job at Sirius right now?

02:01:23.000 I'm telling you, Brian can set up a podcast for you.

02:01:25.000 He has a little podcast studio, Red Band Studios, in his house.

02:01:29.000 He's rocking right now, and we did one with Tom Segura and his lovely wife the other day.

02:01:33.000 He's done it with Ari and Jason.

02:01:35.000 We have a new one coming up with Sam Tripoli.

02:01:37.000 It's all about zombies.

02:01:39.000 Really?

02:01:39.000 Yeah.

02:01:40.000 Zombies?

02:01:41.000 Yeah.

02:01:41.000 Sam Tripoli's doing a zombie podcast?

02:01:43.000 Yeah.

02:01:44.000 Starting tomorrow.

02:01:45.000 What more can you say about zombies?

02:01:46.000 I don't know.

02:01:47.000 It's going to be interesting.

02:01:48.000 They're all pilots.

02:01:50.000 They're all pilots.

02:01:50.000 I predict by episode three, he'll just start calling people a zombie so he can talk shit about them.

02:01:54.000 Yeah, George Bush, he's a zombie.

02:01:56.000 See him on TV? That fucking...

02:01:58.000 It was kind of like that one I used to do with the podcats with Joey Diaz.

02:02:00.000 It was all about cats, but like, hey, so let's talk about cat litter.

02:02:04.000 Oh, anyways, you used to rape guys?

02:02:06.000 It had nothing to do with cats.

02:02:09.000 I've never listened to Joey's podcast, but it's called Beauty and the Beast, right?

02:02:12.000 Yeah.

02:02:12.000 How is it?

02:02:13.000 Yeah, it's pretty good.

02:02:14.000 I like it.

02:02:15.000 That girl has such a cute voice.

02:02:17.000 I could listen to her all day.

02:02:18.000 Does he get as worked up when he's with her?

02:02:21.000 Does he get crazy and start yelling and shit?

02:02:22.000 Yeah.

02:02:23.000 And sometimes, yeah.

02:02:24.000 It's exactly what you would expect your ideas to be.

02:02:27.000 Jason has to use the potty.

02:02:29.000 You know who's a big fan of that is Miss Miller.

02:02:31.000 Miss Miller used to...

02:02:32.000 Really?

02:02:32.000 We used to...

02:02:33.000 We used to drive home, you know...

02:02:36.000 I like how you called her Miss.

02:02:38.000 Miss Miller?

02:02:38.000 Not Mrs. Yeah.

02:02:40.000 Um...

02:02:41.000 Miz.

02:02:42.000 Remember that shit for a while?

02:02:43.000 Yeah.

02:02:43.000 You were trying to rock Miz?

02:02:44.000 Yeah.

02:02:45.000 You don't know what I am, bitch.

02:02:46.000 I don't even know what...

02:02:47.000 That's one of those things I just haven't cared enough about to learn the miss.

02:02:52.000 The metric system?

02:02:52.000 Yeah, the metric system with the misses and the misses and the missers.

02:02:56.000 I still don't know.

02:02:57.000 There's only one for men, mister.

02:02:58.000 Well, I still...

02:02:59.000 You're like, you're adding shit.

02:03:00.000 You're like, the Missouri.

02:03:01.000 Well, there's something else, right?

02:03:02.000 You don't even think about voting, right?

02:03:04.000 When voting comes around, you're like, what do I give a fuck?

02:03:06.000 No, I don't want fucking any court dates.

02:03:08.000 I don't want to get audited or any...

02:03:10.000 I don't want to be in the system as much as possible.

02:03:13.000 Like, did you just hear that the government just closed down like 80 websites the other day?

02:03:18.000 Just pulled them off the internet.

02:03:19.000 Well, weren't they selling a bunch of pirated shit?

02:03:22.000 So?

02:03:23.000 I mean, can you just overtake somebody that has, you know, you know what torrents are, right?

02:03:29.000 They're just like, they're not.

02:03:30.000 Was that what it is?

02:03:31.000 It was torrents?

02:03:31.000 Yeah, torrent websites.

02:03:32.000 Well, I thought some of them were also like piracy websites like where people were selling like counterfeit jewelry and shit like that.

02:03:38.000 Okay, maybe, but it's still kind of weird that they're allowed to just go bam, you know.

02:03:41.000 I know what you're saying.

02:03:42.000 saying.

02:03:42.000 Seems weird.

02:03:42.000 Well, you know, obviously it is.

02:03:44.000 And it's once they can start shutting down websites.

02:03:47.000 But if they're doing, see, it's the tricky thing.

02:03:50.000 Like a lot of people, you know, you've got to recognize that the courts have decided that torrents and downloading copyrighted material is is stealing.

02:04:00.000 That's how they're looking at it.

02:04:02.000 So if they've made decisions like that, and then you're gonna run a website or some sort of a torrent site where you're gonna get people access to a bunch of illegal shit, you gotta assume that eventually someone's gonna shut you down, right?

02:04:15.000 Right.

02:04:16.000 Well, look at the Pirate Bay.

02:04:18.000 I don't know if you saw that.

02:04:19.000 They just went back.

02:04:19.000 They lost, right?

02:04:20.000 And then they lost the rebuttal or whatever it's called.

02:04:23.000 And now they're going to jail.

02:04:25.000 The website's still up, though.

02:04:27.000 It's like, wait.

02:04:29.000 So some people are going to jail.

02:04:33.000 How do those guys make money?

02:04:35.000 Advertising, man.

02:04:36.000 There's so much advertising on that website, it's ridiculous.

02:04:39.000 And people pay just to have an ad there?

02:04:41.000 Because nobody pays attention to those fucking ads.

02:04:43.000 When you go to a website, when was the last time you clicked an ad?

02:04:46.000 Something has to be absolutely fucking outstandingly interesting for me to click it.

02:04:50.000 They're the kind that you just go there and it says, Congratulations!

02:04:53.000 You won a gift card to the Olive Garden.

02:04:55.000 Click here.

02:04:56.000 So it's crappy, like websites.

02:04:58.000 So nobody, like, legitimate is going to...

02:05:01.000 But they're paying them, they must be paying them mad loot, right?

02:05:04.000 I don't know.

02:05:04.000 In order for them to be fighting this like this, they're not?

02:05:07.000 So you think they're just fighting it just because they want freedom?

02:05:09.000 They want to be able to just trade numbers?

02:05:12.000 I don't know.

02:05:13.000 I mean, that's all it is, really.

02:05:14.000 I think that's the whole point of, you know, you can't bust somebody for having, you know, you can't bust somebody for stealing whatever, a Milli Vanilli CD if you don't have the Milli Vanilli CD on something you're serving.

02:05:27.000 You're just pointing it to all these different directions, you know?

02:05:31.000 I see what you're saying.

02:05:32.000 It's like torrents.

02:05:32.000 Yeah, you're going right to the people?

02:05:34.000 Yeah, torrents are just using, like, you have a piece of a file on your computer.

02:05:39.000 Somebody else has a piece of a file on their computer.

02:05:41.000 And all this website, like Pirate Bay, is pointing, like, hey, this is where to go to join this group.

02:05:45.000 This is the hallway to walk down.

02:05:46.000 Yeah, this is the hallway down there to walk down in this group.

02:05:49.000 But it's coming from someone who already bought it, and they should be able to give it away.

02:05:53.000 Is that what you're saying?

02:05:55.000 No.

02:05:55.000 No, I'm just saying...

02:05:56.000 Someone somewhere had to attain a copy of it.

02:06:00.000 Oh, well, yeah.

02:06:01.000 Absolutely.

02:06:02.000 So either they bought it or they stole it.

02:06:04.000 I'm saying what's scary about the Pirate Bay and what's scary about a lot of these places is if they don't actually have files on their computer and they're getting arrested for things, then what makes it stop you getting arrested because somebody put a torrent file on your form, even though it's not hosted?

02:06:18.000 Right, but their whole entire purpose for existing on the internet is to connect people with other people that have things available for download that are illegal.

02:06:28.000 Yeah, so Google has maps and it tells you where to go to murder people if you want to.

02:06:33.000 Oh, but that's a big leap, though.

02:06:35.000 It's not like Google's called Murder Google.

02:06:38.000 It's like Google's advertising.

02:06:41.000 Hey, check if they got MurderGoogle.com.

02:06:43.000 I want to start that.

02:06:44.000 Serial Killer Google.

02:06:46.000 I see what you're saying.

02:06:48.000 I totally see what you're saying.

02:06:49.000 But I also see that if these companies...

02:06:54.000 Look, for sure music companies have suffered big time because of the internet.

02:06:58.000 Well, yeah.

02:06:58.000 They're just going to shake it up.

02:07:00.000 Eventually, if shit is like...

02:07:02.000 For me, clicking on iTunes is so easy that I go, okay, I'll just click on iTunes.

02:07:06.000 Me too.

02:07:07.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:07:07.000 I'll just buy it.

02:07:09.000 And not because I have a boatload of money because I would buy about the same amount of music as I do now.

02:07:14.000 But, like, if I was, like, super poor.

02:07:16.000 But, like, it's, like, so easy to do, and I don't even want to steal this stuff.

02:07:21.000 The only time I ever download something is when it's not available for sale.

02:07:24.000 You know, if I can buy it, I buy it.

02:07:26.000 I buy everything.

02:07:27.000 Or when it's not out yet.

02:07:28.000 Yeah.

02:07:28.000 It's just they're finding that equalized, like, pressure.

02:07:32.000 And I think that those torrent files, that's an awesome technology.

02:07:35.000 Like, they need to...

02:07:38.000 Use that in legal ways.

02:07:39.000 You know what I mean?

02:07:40.000 That's just how it is.

02:07:41.000 Yeah.

02:07:42.000 The whole issue is a very tricky issue.

02:07:45.000 Because on one side, you have to say, well, you're stifling innovation by stopping all these people from doing all this stuff and by putting on the brakes on all these sites.

02:07:53.000 But on the other side, you go, well, wait a minute.

02:07:55.000 How the fuck are these people supposed to make money?

02:07:57.000 You can't just have something for free that I want to sell for $20 on Amazon.com.

02:08:01.000 You could download it in 10 minutes.

02:08:02.000 Yeah.

02:08:03.000 What I'm saying is, it's the same as, oh my god, CDs are going to make everybody, you know, writable CDs are going to ruin it for the music industry.

02:08:12.000 No, they've got to find an equal pressure.

02:08:13.000 Well, writable CDs did a little bit of a dent, but the big dent was done by the internet.

02:08:19.000 Yeah, of course.

02:08:19.000 I mean, look, man, do you remember when there was record stores?

02:08:22.000 Yeah, but they wanted records.

02:08:23.000 Now it's so easy just to click.

02:08:25.000 You know, life is getting better, but some people are going to suffer for sure.

02:08:29.000 I'm lucky.

02:08:30.000 I live across the street from a record store that does used records and regular records.

02:08:34.000 So every time I want a CD, I just go there and spend $3.99 for a used CD. What's the name of the store?

02:08:40.000 Don't say it, because then people will know exactly where you live.

02:08:42.000 Right.

02:08:42.000 You live right across the street from it, Brian.

02:08:44.000 I was testing you.

02:08:45.000 I've been to Amoeba.

02:08:46.000 Amoeba Records is pretty dope.

02:08:48.000 Amoeba Suite.

02:08:49.000 It's like some weird link to the past where you're holding a vinyl album.

02:08:53.000 You're like, whoa, this is a disc, and you spin this and something scratches it.

02:08:57.000 And how often do you buy a record?

02:09:00.000 I'll buy a CD, though.

02:09:01.000 I'll buy CDs still if I'm someplace.

02:09:04.000 If I'm at Best Buy and I want to listen to something, like we have a rental car or something like that.

02:09:09.000 But now that I have my phone or my iPod hooked up to my car...

02:09:14.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:09:15.000 You have all your media in your hand.

02:09:17.000 What I miss though is a real DJ. I miss DJs.

02:09:21.000 What?

02:09:21.000 What are you talking about?

02:09:23.000 There's personalities.

02:09:24.000 Cool DJs.

02:09:26.000 Hey!

02:09:27.000 It's mayhem in the a.m.

02:09:32.000 96.7.

02:09:34.000 We're getting wacky this morning.

02:09:37.000 It's a big drive on the highway today.

02:09:39.000 I could see that.

02:09:40.000 Mayhem in the A-hem.

02:09:41.000 Mayhem in the A-hem.

02:09:42.000 I could see that radio show now.

02:09:44.000 You would have to get a black chick sidekick.

02:09:46.000 Yeah!

02:09:47.000 You would have to get two.

02:09:49.000 The first one you're going to fire.

02:09:50.000 She's just really...

02:09:51.000 And then the second one will know.

02:09:53.000 Listen, bitch, you get crazy.

02:09:54.000 We're going to fire you.

02:09:54.000 This is the Mayhem show, right?

02:09:56.000 This is the Natanya show.

02:09:57.000 Oh, man.

02:09:58.000 Wendy Williams will be my sidekick?

02:10:01.000 Me and Wendy Williams talking shit about MMA. Yo, did you see the fight this weekend?

02:10:06.000 And Wendy Williams would be like, no.

02:10:09.000 That's so funny.

02:10:11.000 Oh, whatever.

02:10:12.000 And you're going to do traffic for me, right?

02:10:13.000 And then we got the traffic.

02:10:14.000 We got the seating, the 101. Yeah, if I would have traffic, it would be like kittens would be falling from the sky in his videos.

02:10:20.000 Right when you were tuning into the clouds, it'd be some fucking flaming skull face that scares the shit out of you.

02:10:25.000 I had a little bit of blood on my toilet bowl seat when I got off today.

02:10:30.000 Have you seen that video of that rat attacking cats?

02:10:33.000 Yeah.

02:10:34.000 Wow.

02:10:35.000 Wait, is this a Brazilian jungle rat or something?

02:10:37.000 It's some crazy rat.

02:10:39.000 I don't know where it was, but there's this rat running after these cats and one time bites this one cat and it's stuck to him and the cat's running trying to shake the rat off.

02:10:47.000 This rat doesn't give a fuck.

02:10:49.000 These cats are so confused.

02:10:50.000 Well, I mean, they're domesticated house cats.

02:10:52.000 They're not fighting giant mega monster rats that have been mutated by ooze.

02:10:57.000 And you realize when you see how high rats can jump.

02:11:00.000 They jump up to bite.

02:11:01.000 Those motherfuckers jump high.

02:11:02.000 They're like an athletic animal.

02:11:04.000 Yeah, they're pretty low, man.

02:11:06.000 We're lucky rats are little.

02:11:08.000 If rats were big, we'd be fucked.

02:11:10.000 We'd really be fucked, man.

02:11:11.000 I killed a rat once in my garage and I left it there because I was lazy.

02:11:14.000 That's why I lived in Encino.

02:11:16.000 And it was a big fucking rat because I used to leave the garbage back there and I would hear like these in my garage like clang, clang, clang.

02:11:23.000 I would hear these loud ass noises and I opened up my garage.

02:11:26.000 I opened up the door and I hit the light switch and this fucking rat moved across my garbage and it was like attack size.

02:11:33.000 Like it could attack me.

02:11:34.000 Like, this is a big, dangerous, threatening animal.

02:11:37.000 I was looking at this like, holy fuck, that's a big rat.

02:11:39.000 That's called a possum, bro.

02:11:41.000 It was big, dude.

02:11:41.000 It was a rat.

02:11:42.000 But it was big, man.

02:11:43.000 It was like half the size of a cat.

02:11:44.000 How do you know it was a rat?

02:11:45.000 Because I killed it.

02:11:46.000 So I set up a trap.

02:11:47.000 Got a rat trap, set it up there, and I came back and it was fucking...

02:11:52.000 Big, man.

02:11:52.000 Like, big and fat and fucking.

02:11:54.000 I'm like, this is eating all my garbage.

02:11:56.000 I would have put that on JoeRogan.net if I were you.

02:11:59.000 I fucked up.

02:11:59.000 This is before I even had JoeRogan.net.

02:12:01.000 The trap was in his ass.

02:12:03.000 If I had acted back then, I would have owned JoeRogan.com.

02:12:06.000 But I was sleeping.

02:12:07.000 That motherfucker!

02:12:09.000 To me, he's one of my greatest losses.

02:12:11.000 He's a real estate guy.

02:12:13.000 Very nice guy from Boise, Idaho.

02:12:15.000 He wanted a shitload of money for it.

02:12:17.000 He wanted like 80 grand.

02:12:18.000 Something crazy.

02:12:19.000 I was like, what?

02:12:20.000 I'm like, I can't give you that much money, man.

02:12:22.000 I have.net.

02:12:23.000 They can find it.

02:12:23.000 Now with Google, if you want to find my website, you can find it.

02:12:26.000 It's not that hard.

02:12:27.000 I can't give you that much for fucking.com.

02:12:29.000 Crazy asshole.

02:12:30.000 I know, yeah.

02:12:31.000 You're Joe Rogan.

02:12:32.000 Give me some money.

02:12:34.000 There's another guy that has an issue with that.

02:12:36.000 Tom Green.

02:12:37.000 Why?

02:12:38.000 Because there's another dude named Tom Green.

02:12:40.000 You're on there tomorrow, by the way, right?

02:12:41.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

02:12:41.000 I'm doing Tom Green's...

02:12:42.000 What time are you doing that?

02:12:43.000 I don't know.

02:12:43.000 It's a good question.

02:12:44.000 Tom Green's podcast tomorrow at the Smodcastle.

02:12:48.000 I guess Kevin Smith has some sort of a whole podcast, like a studio set up.

02:12:53.000 Oh, yeah?

02:12:53.000 Just to do podcasts.

02:12:54.000 Yeah.

02:12:55.000 Podcasts are fucking taking off, man.

02:12:57.000 They are, man.

02:12:57.000 They are.

02:12:58.000 How about Mayhem and the Ahem, a podcast?

02:13:00.000 Mayhem and the Ahem.

02:13:01.000 If you want to do it, man, we could set it up.

02:13:03.000 We could do it at Brian's place.

02:13:04.000 You can come to my house.

02:13:05.000 You can't rape him, though, man.

02:13:06.000 No rape.

02:13:07.000 Promise.

02:13:08.000 Who, Eric?

02:13:09.000 You.

02:13:10.000 My Chris.

02:13:10.000 Promise not to rape me.

02:13:11.000 Chris over here, you can't scare him.

02:13:13.000 His name's fucking Eric, bro.

02:13:15.000 That's today.

02:13:16.000 It used to be Chris, which is for the record.

02:13:19.000 He changed his name.

02:13:20.000 Brian first, but then Chris after he met you, and then Eric after today.

02:13:25.000 Yeah.

02:13:26.000 I always can't remember your name.

02:13:29.000 Yep.

02:13:30.000 You're Red Band.

02:13:31.000 I can't call you.

02:13:32.000 I get a nickname in my head for somebody and I get stuck.

02:13:35.000 You don't think I'm Eric.

02:13:36.000 You're Red Band.

02:13:37.000 Whatever.

02:13:38.000 You're just trying to play with my emotions.

02:13:43.000 Dude, that fucking laugh, this whole attitude you have towards life, this I'm not scared to be around mountain lions and sharks and shit like that.

02:13:51.000 Why would you be?

02:13:53.000 Man, whatever.

02:13:54.000 I'm not saying you're wrong.

02:13:56.000 I'm not saying you're wrong.

02:13:57.000 I'm not arguing it.

02:13:58.000 I think everybody's scared to be around.

02:13:59.000 I think you only think about it more, though.

02:14:01.000 Me?

02:14:02.000 Yeah, you're constantly thinking about it.

02:14:03.000 I am too aware.

02:14:05.000 I just feel like I'll deal with that when it comes up.

02:14:09.000 I'm like, oh, right now I'm going to live my life, and then I see a fucking mountain lion while I'm mountain biking, which makes sense because they both have mountain in them.

02:14:18.000 I would fucking deal with it then.

02:14:20.000 It's a very weird thing when you lock eyes with a big predator like a mountain lion in the wild.

02:14:26.000 I only locked eyes with the one that I saw.

02:14:29.000 I only locked eyes with it for a couple seconds.

02:14:31.000 But that's a very weird moment.

02:14:33.000 You saw it with your dog?

02:14:34.000 Don't you have a giant dog?

02:14:36.000 Yeah, my giant dog was inside.

02:14:37.000 It was my little dog that was outside that got jacked.

02:14:40.000 My giant dog is a big Mastiff.

02:14:41.000 It stole it from you?

02:14:42.000 No, no, no.

02:14:43.000 My Mastiff was injured.

02:14:45.000 So he had injured his paw.

02:14:47.000 So I left him in the house.

02:14:48.000 I didn't want him running around up in the mountains.

02:14:50.000 They would run all over the place up there.

02:14:52.000 Just kidding.

02:14:53.000 You know, they'd get a pack, there's three of them together, and they would have a good time.

02:14:56.000 Just go run and play.

02:14:57.000 And that kept animals away.

02:14:58.000 But I have a bulldog, and he's lazy.

02:15:01.000 And then this little dog, which was a Chihuahua, excuse me, Pomeranian-American Eskimo mix.

02:15:07.000 And that one's the one that got jacked.

02:15:08.000 Because he was out there wandering around basically by himself.

02:15:11.000 He's only 20 pounds, and he doesn't have his 140-pound buddy to look over his shoulders.

02:15:15.000 And he doesn't have the bulldog, because the bulldog would go with them if the two of them were going.

02:15:20.000 Even though he's lazy, he would go with them.

02:15:22.000 So there was a lot of action there.

02:15:23.000 There was a pack that would keep the animals away.

02:15:25.000 But something had been stalking my house for a while because the dogs would just go crazy.

02:15:29.000 They'd be on the porch.

02:15:30.000 You just start barking at the top of their lungs.

02:15:32.000 And you'd hear things like snapping in the distance, in the dark.

02:15:36.000 It's a trip, man.

02:15:37.000 Do I have to worry about...

02:15:38.000 I probably don't, but I'm pretty sure I don't have to.

02:15:41.000 If I was you.

02:15:43.000 Crows.

02:15:44.000 Crows don't kill dogs, right?

02:15:47.000 Did you not see the movie?

02:15:49.000 Well, I'm not talking about...

02:15:51.000 Alfred Hitchcock?

02:15:51.000 Brandon.

02:15:53.000 Crows are ruthless.

02:15:54.000 Crows are ruthless, right?

02:15:56.000 They'll kill your dog.

02:15:57.000 They think they can?

02:15:58.000 There's this guy and this girl crow that just sit out and make these clicking noises, like the whole time.

02:16:03.000 And then my dog will come out there and just be looking up at it, and then once in a while the crow just swoops down, doesn't attack it or anything, but it's kind of like he's just like...

02:16:11.000 Like about to do it.

02:16:12.000 Seeing if you can eat it.

02:16:13.000 I left a steak outside.

02:16:14.000 It was partially thawed and not totally thawed out and I was going to barbecue.

02:16:18.000 So I left a steak outside for 10 minutes.

02:16:21.000 I came back.

02:16:22.000 There was two crows on it just jacking the steak.

02:16:24.000 Just pulling out chunks of the meat and squawking.

02:16:28.000 So I do have to worry about crows.

02:16:29.000 Yo, dude.

02:16:30.000 Fuck yeah.

02:16:30.000 You have to worry about crows.

02:16:31.000 You can't leave your dog outside if that's what you mean.

02:16:33.000 Dude, in Japan, they have monster crows.

02:16:35.000 Your dog's three pounds and she's a whore.

02:16:37.000 Three pounds?

02:16:37.000 She's a three pound whore.

02:16:38.000 I'll come out and my dog's fucking the crows.

02:16:40.000 Yeah, the crows are gangbanging your dog.

02:16:42.000 Hey, you get over here.

02:16:43.000 You missed the story.

02:16:44.000 Twixie vixen.

02:16:44.000 He brought his dog to a party where a bunch of people had dogs and they all took turns just gangbanging his dog.

02:16:50.000 So I'm at the same time.

02:16:51.000 All the dogs did?

02:16:53.000 Yeah, ten dogs.

02:16:54.000 It's a giant pile on.

02:16:55.000 What a slut.

02:16:56.000 Yeah.

02:16:57.000 Man, I love her.

02:16:58.000 Twixie.

02:17:00.000 Sweet Twixie Vixie.

02:17:01.000 My hot dog dog is gay, for sure.

02:17:03.000 Is he?

02:17:03.000 Oh, yeah.

02:17:04.000 He had a little tiny dog, a two-pound dog like that that he was talking about.

02:17:08.000 And he was not interested, but he had this little tight, athletic, muscular...

02:17:16.000 Little dude dog.

02:17:18.000 And he was just like all over it.

02:17:20.000 Banging him.

02:17:20.000 Front headlock.

02:17:21.000 Banging him.

02:17:22.000 Really?

02:17:22.000 Yeah.

02:17:22.000 I was like, what are you?

02:17:23.000 Alright.

02:17:24.000 Like, wow, you're into dudes, huh?

02:17:26.000 I guess.

02:17:27.000 I figure if I was just running around with just like a collar on, I would be, you know, whatever.

02:17:31.000 The line is blurred at that point.

02:17:34.000 The line is blurry.

02:17:35.000 Like, you're running around in a collar.

02:17:37.000 You're a wild animal.

02:17:38.000 Well, whatever.

02:17:39.000 If the female's in heat, then it becomes very clear.

02:17:40.000 Yeah, that's what I mean.

02:17:41.000 He was sniffing at the coochie-coo, like, quite a bit.

02:17:44.000 He was like...

02:17:45.000 My pit bull was, um...

02:17:47.000 He was in agony one night.

02:17:49.000 Like, in serious, serious agony.

02:17:50.000 Where I thought he said something wrong with him.

02:17:52.000 I'm like, he's got cancer or something.

02:17:54.000 This is crazy.

02:17:54.000 He was, like, whining and yiping.

02:17:56.000 And I'd come near him.

02:17:57.000 I'm like, what's up, buddy?

02:17:58.000 You okay?

02:17:58.000 Yeah.

02:18:00.000 And I'm like, whoa, this is crazy.

02:18:02.000 My dog's fucked up.

02:18:03.000 Like, he'd go down the stairs and he'd be, like, limping as he was going down the stairs.

02:18:06.000 And you jerked him off.

02:18:07.000 I feel real sad.

02:18:08.000 I'm like, my dog's gonna die.

02:18:10.000 Something's wrong with my dog.

02:18:11.000 I gotta get him to the vet.

02:18:12.000 This is horrible.

02:18:12.000 He's, like, whimpering.

02:18:13.000 So I take him to the vet.

02:18:15.000 The vet looks at me.

02:18:16.000 He starts checking out my dog's balls.

02:18:18.000 Yeah.

02:18:18.000 Checking out his dick.

02:18:19.000 And he's like, you see this?

02:18:20.000 You see this right here?

02:18:21.000 See how inflamed this is?

02:18:22.000 Okay, there's a dog in your neighborhood that's in heat.

02:18:25.000 And that's what's going on.

02:18:27.000 I'm like, whoa!

02:18:28.000 Really?

02:18:29.000 He's in agony from his heart on.

02:18:31.000 His dick was so swollen.

02:18:34.000 It was so, like, the glands.

02:18:37.000 Like, here's the balls, and then there's these weird glands by the side of the dick that are just like...

02:18:41.000 My dog has that sometimes.

02:18:43.000 Is your dog fixed?

02:18:44.000 No.

02:18:45.000 No, my dog isn't either.

02:18:46.000 Is he jerk your dog off?

02:18:47.000 That's what I just said.

02:18:48.000 I said he shouldn't jerk the dog off.

02:18:50.000 They can't do anything.

02:18:51.000 You can if you want to jerk your dog off.

02:18:52.000 You can't.

02:18:54.000 Red Rocket.

02:18:55.000 How many times are you going to do that in a row?

02:18:56.000 It just depends.

02:18:58.000 If I had to do it every, I don't know, couple weeks, I guess I could do that.

02:19:02.000 I mean, he's a good friend.

02:19:04.000 My friend Dimitri used to jerk off his dog.

02:19:08.000 I'm going to answer the phone.

02:19:09.000 It's right there.

02:19:11.000 Same person.

02:19:12.000 Disrespectful fucks.

02:19:14.000 They don't know we're on the podcast right now.

02:19:16.000 Bullshit, man.

02:19:16.000 You know what it tells me?

02:19:17.000 It tells me they're not watching.

02:19:18.000 They're not friends of yours.

02:19:20.000 They're just hurting my feelings.

02:19:20.000 Same person keeps calling, man.

02:19:22.000 They don't follow you on Twitter.

02:19:23.000 What the fuck?

02:19:25.000 It's probably...

02:19:26.000 It's over, folks.

02:19:28.000 With that ring comes the end.

02:19:31.000 That is the end of the show.

02:19:33.000 There's no reason to keep going.

02:19:34.000 No.

02:19:35.000 It's 8.30, 8.30 p.m.

02:19:36.000 It is late.

02:19:37.000 Oh, man.

02:19:38.000 Late as fuck.

02:19:39.000 Whatever.

02:19:39.000 Son...

02:19:41.000 Mayhem Miller, you are always one of the most fascinating people to talk to.

02:19:45.000 Thanks, bro.

02:19:46.000 Always a fun guy to be around.

02:19:47.000 Mayhem, by the way, writes a really great article in Fight Magazine.

02:19:50.000 He's one of my favorite writers.

02:19:52.000 Now, I'm not bullshitting, not just as a fighter.

02:19:54.000 And I told him very early on, I'm like, dude, you've got real talent, and I really hope you write a book someday, because I think you could write some crazy Hunter S. Thompson shit.

02:20:03.000 His writing is really good.

02:20:04.000 Thanks, man.

02:20:04.000 I mean, it's excellent.

02:20:05.000 The latest one you'll appreciate, because I'm in Rio de Janeiro.

02:20:08.000 Oh, man.

02:20:09.000 Alright, and you're writing about your experiences?

02:20:10.000 Because you were there for a couple weeks, right?

02:20:12.000 Yeah, so I was out there for a while, so I did everything you could do.

02:20:17.000 Tell me about that real quick before we take off.

02:20:18.000 I don't know.

02:20:19.000 Because what is Rio like, man?

02:20:21.000 Man.

02:20:22.000 Is it scary?

02:20:23.000 Is it scary?

02:20:23.000 Read the article.

02:20:25.000 It's awesome.

02:20:25.000 I'm trying to read the article.

02:20:26.000 Give us a little taste.

02:20:27.000 I see the article.

02:20:28.000 I'm here right now.

02:20:29.000 Give me a little bit of a taste.

02:20:30.000 That's like a whole new...

02:20:31.000 I don't know.

02:20:32.000 It's crazy.

02:20:32.000 It was like the next level...

02:20:34.000 I don't know.

02:20:35.000 I always had my...

02:20:37.000 Preconceived notions about Brazil due to movies and due to whatever the hell's going on.

02:20:45.000 My friends, my Brazilian friends, the fighters, what they tell me about it.

02:20:49.000 I have a new found respect for that city and I understand my Brazilian friends a little bit more now.

02:20:56.000 Really?

02:20:56.000 Yeah.

02:20:57.000 So the article really...

02:20:58.000 I can just see why they think that everything...

02:21:02.000 They have such passion for their country because...

02:21:07.000 Everybody there has a lot of passion.

02:21:09.000 It's like that.

02:21:10.000 It's a passionate place.

02:21:12.000 People love to do stuff.

02:21:13.000 People are good at things.

02:21:15.000 They really love it.

02:21:17.000 The stuff that's dirty is supposed to be dirty.

02:21:20.000 It's kind of dirty, of course, but it's supposed to be dirty.

02:21:23.000 What do you mean?

02:21:24.000 You say dirty...

02:21:26.000 But in a bad way, that sounds bad, but it's like the streets are dirty.

02:21:32.000 Everybody drives with a vengeance.

02:21:35.000 Right.

02:21:35.000 They drive crazy.

02:21:36.000 Yeah, they drive crazy, but it seems skillful.

02:21:38.000 I saw less car wrecks there than I ever saw here in L.A. Well, it's all with That's what you get used to.

02:21:44.000 You get used to that sort of hyper-driving.

02:21:46.000 Yeah, everybody's used to it.

02:21:48.000 Exactly.

02:21:49.000 Everybody just drives through.

02:21:50.000 I don't know, man.

02:21:50.000 There's so much stuff.

02:21:51.000 Fight Magazine.

02:21:52.000 We'll have it, man, for December.

02:21:55.000 You've got to check out the article.

02:21:57.000 Did you see anything crazy while you were there?

02:21:59.000 Any violence?

02:21:59.000 Anything nutty?

02:22:01.000 Anything that made you feel unsafe?

02:22:03.000 No, we went to the favelas.

02:22:04.000 We went to a couple times to, like, the ghetto.

02:22:07.000 Like, yeah, we went to the favelas.

02:22:08.000 And, you know, I write about that in this article, too, man, about going there and people are, like, collecting rainwater and these drums, you know, to drink.

02:22:18.000 Yeah, to drink.

02:22:19.000 They're poor.

02:22:19.000 And they have, like, they're tapping into the telephone poles to get electricity.

02:22:26.000 Wow.

02:22:26.000 Yeah, and the streets are all jagged, and people own that area.

02:22:31.000 The drug dealers own the favelas and stuff, but they have the boppies coming in, which are the Brazilian kick-ass police force.

02:22:39.000 The police station is right there in the middle of the thing, and everyone's running out.

02:22:46.000 It feels like a military presence instead of an army, the ones that have taken over and been nice again.

02:22:53.000 Whoa.

02:22:53.000 Yeah, it's crazy.

02:22:54.000 There's a big article, I think it was on CNN this morning about that, but there's tanks moving back in.

02:23:00.000 Yeah, right now it's like a little bit of like...

02:23:02.000 Marcel Alonso, this journalist that I was out there with, he kind of told me that it's dying down right now, but there's like a lot of guys, the drug dealers doing crazy terrorist stuff right now in Rio.

02:23:17.000 It sucks that...

02:23:18.000 That's happening right now.

02:23:20.000 I was in Sao Paulo in 2003 and a friend of mine went back in 2008, I believe it was, and he was arrested.

02:23:29.000 There was so much violence between the police and the drug dealers that they were closing down streets and highways.

02:23:35.000 And they were driving to a Chuhascarilla with some business clients, and everybody was pulled out of the car at gunpoint.

02:23:42.000 They had fucking, you know, they wanted to make sure they weren't, they were in a nice car, and they didn't know who these people were, and they wanted to make sure they weren't drug dealers.

02:23:47.000 So they were just pulling people out and sticking guns in their faces.

02:23:50.000 Yeah, of course.

02:23:51.000 They said it was pretty fucking scary, because they were killing police officers' families.

02:23:54.000 They would go to their family and just kill everyone.

02:23:57.000 Really?

02:23:57.000 Yeah.

02:23:57.000 They were doing it for a while, man.

02:23:59.000 They were declaring war.

02:24:00.000 On the police officers.

02:24:02.000 It was pretty, it was pretty loked out.

02:24:04.000 No way!

02:24:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:24:06.000 Brazil, you know, and the crazy thing about Brazil is, you know, Brazil's a beautiful, insane, like, tropical jungle country.

02:24:13.000 Yeah.

02:24:13.000 And the favelas, where all, like, the chaos has taken place, is above the regular city.

02:24:19.000 I know, yeah.

02:24:20.000 Rio, which is, like, the main city, is in the bottom.

02:24:22.000 Yeah.

02:24:22.000 And then, where the beautiful view is, Yeah.

02:24:25.000 That's all the projects.

02:24:26.000 Yeah, of course.

02:24:27.000 They have the richest, most beautiful view in the world.

02:24:31.000 Yeah.

02:24:31.000 You know?

02:24:32.000 And they're living in cardboard houses and shit.

02:24:34.000 Yeah.

02:24:34.000 No, they put that stuff together on their own.

02:24:36.000 It's like crazy.

02:24:37.000 Yeah.

02:24:37.000 But, you know, I mean, I can understand why people love the country.

02:24:41.000 You know what I mean?

02:24:42.000 Yeah.

02:24:42.000 I can understand why.

02:24:43.000 It's definitely a passion-filled country, man.

02:24:45.000 Yeah.

02:24:46.000 That's what I mean.

02:24:47.000 Yeah, it's great, man.

02:24:48.000 I don't know.

02:24:48.000 I had a great experience out there.

02:24:50.000 Their economy is booming right now, too.

02:24:54.000 They have so much going on right now, and they also found oil off the coast of Brazil, so there's a lot of money in Brazil right now.

02:25:02.000 Their economy's not fucked up like ours is.

02:25:04.000 It's moving in a better direction.

02:25:06.000 They're talking about doing a UFC there eventually.

02:25:08.000 That would be fascinating.

02:25:10.000 But, you know, you talk to, like, Vinny Magalese.

02:25:15.000 Yeah, Vinny.

02:25:16.000 Yeah, baby Vinny.

02:25:16.000 Yeah, sure.

02:25:17.000 He was talking about, on the underground, he was talking about doing a UFC in Rio.

02:25:22.000 And he posted, I think it was him, who posted some link of some, no, somebody else posted a link of the Formula One drivers.

02:25:27.000 Formula One drivers were in Sao Paulo, and they got fucking shot at in their armored car.

02:25:33.000 Someone was trying to carjack them.

02:25:35.000 They were in armored cars.

02:25:37.000 What?

02:25:37.000 Yeah.

02:25:38.000 Man.

02:25:38.000 They're trying to kidnap them.

02:25:39.000 Damn.

02:25:40.000 Yeah.

02:25:41.000 Kidnap them or just rob them.

02:25:43.000 Rob them at gunpoint.

02:25:44.000 Hoping they can get some watches or something.

02:25:46.000 Ooh, crazy.

02:25:48.000 Yeah.

02:25:48.000 A buddy of mine was there, and he was with a friend of his that was doing something, and he had a pocket full of money in his lap.

02:25:57.000 And he was looking through it and trying to fish through it.

02:25:59.000 And as he was doing this, a guy came up in a motorcycle, looked at his money, pulled out a gun, tapped on the windshield, told the guy to pull over, and they just robbed him.

02:26:10.000 They robbed everybody.

02:26:11.000 Just stuck a gun in their face and just took everybody.

02:26:14.000 And he said the guy would just drive around looking in people's cars to see if they had nice watches or what they had that looked cool and they would just steal it.

02:26:21.000 Man.

02:26:21.000 Yeah.

02:26:22.000 You might be in the wrong place at the wrong time, son.

02:26:24.000 That's me, bro.

02:26:25.000 The voice of doom.

02:26:26.000 Dude, you are.

02:26:27.000 You're the most bumming me out guy on earth right now.

02:26:31.000 Joe Rogan is scared of the world.

02:26:33.000 It's not.

02:26:33.000 I'm just aware.

02:26:34.000 I'm not scared.

02:26:35.000 Yeah, just pay attention.

02:26:36.000 Don't get jacked.

02:26:37.000 But, you know, as a person who's constantly thinking about shit, I always have to be aware of all the variables.

02:26:43.000 You think way too much, bro.

02:26:44.000 You think so?

02:26:45.000 I think you think a lot.

02:26:46.000 You think so too?

02:26:47.000 I think you think deep into some things you don't need to think that deep into.

02:26:50.000 Can't help it though.

02:26:51.000 It's probably a sickness.

02:26:53.000 It's a sickness that manifests itself as an excellent career.

02:26:58.000 You know?

02:26:59.000 The sickness of constantly thinking about shit and breaking things down to the finest minutia.

02:27:03.000 That's true.

02:27:04.000 Isn't that OCD though or something like that?

02:27:06.000 Something probably like that.

02:27:07.000 That's awesome.

02:27:08.000 Makes sense.

02:27:09.000 The hard thing with me is just finding the right things to break down.

02:27:12.000 Things that are productive to tune my energy to.

02:27:15.000 Because you can easily get lost.

02:27:16.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:27:17.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:27:18.000 Masturbation or online arguments or video games.

02:27:21.000 You can get lost in a bunch of unhealthy channels.

02:27:24.000 Hopefully you got some good stuff, though, that you OCD about, like butthole tidiness and trimming and stuff like that.

02:27:31.000 The show was going to end.

02:27:33.000 It was going to be fine.

02:27:34.000 Right there.

02:27:35.000 And you had to come in, Brian.

02:27:37.000 No, man.

02:27:38.000 He wants to talk about your butthole.

02:27:39.000 He's all about buttholes.

02:27:40.000 I told you, bro.

02:27:41.000 One million.

02:27:42.000 One million dollars.

02:27:43.000 And no less.

02:27:44.000 And I don't need that million bucks.

02:27:45.000 I'll tell you that right now.

02:27:46.000 I would like it.

02:27:47.000 I'd like it.

02:27:47.000 But if I don't get it, I'll be okay.

02:27:49.000 God damn it.

02:27:51.000 Jason Mayhem Miller.

02:27:52.000 That was a good time.

02:27:54.000 Yeah, it was always a good time with you, my friend.

02:27:56.000 Mayhem Miller at Twitter.

02:27:57.000 I'm so hungry right now.

02:27:58.000 Twitter.com.

02:27:59.000 Okay, cool.

02:28:01.000 I've got another coconut juice for you, fella.

02:28:04.000 Yeah!

02:28:06.000 Brian's Twitter is Redband.

02:28:07.000 We want to thank The Fleshlight for sponsoring the podcast.

02:28:10.000 And again, if you would like to feel what it feels like to masturbate into one of those fine, sweet bitches, all you have to do is go to JoeRogan.net and click that fleshlight link and you get 15% off when you put in the code name.

02:28:21.000 What is it?

02:28:22.000 Rogan.

02:28:23.000 Rogan.

02:28:24.000 Very simple.

02:28:26.000 The tickets for the New Year's Eve show at Mandalay Bay will go up very shortly.

02:28:30.000 We should have all that done within a couple of days.

02:28:32.000 And as soon as I get it done, I'll let you guys know.

02:28:35.000 And we might be doing one more podcast this week.

02:28:38.000 We're going to try to get Ralphie May in here on Wednesday.

02:28:40.000 Oh, I just hung out with Ralphie May.

02:28:42.000 He's awesome.

02:28:43.000 If Ralphie's got the time off, we've got to talk to him later.

02:28:45.000 All right, bitches.

02:28:46.000 I love you.

02:28:47.000 And I'll see you soon, somewhere.

02:28:50.000 Maybe not even see you, but I'll be there.

02:28:52.000 And you'll be there, too.

02:28:53.000 And let's pretend we're all in the same place.

02:28:56.000 What?

02:28:57.000 Is this Ice-T? Is this Ice-T saying suck my dick?

02:29:01.000 No.

02:29:02.000 Yeah, it is.

02:29:04.000 Sounds like it.

02:29:07.000 This sounds like a black guy, but not too black.

02:29:10.000 Yeah, he's not like Africa black.

02:29:12.000 You know, he's not like Czech-Congo black.

02:29:15.000 Light-skinned.

02:29:16.000 He's light-skinned.

02:29:16.000 Yeah, he's light-skinned.

02:29:18.000 He might even rock an afro just to try to accentuate his more African side.

02:29:24.000 Yeah, but he has braids in the summer.

02:29:26.000 Yeah, because if he had a shaved head, you might think he was an Arab or something, right?

02:29:29.000 Yeah, maybe.

02:29:30.000 Light-skinned.

02:29:31.000 Probably light-skinned.

02:29:31.000 High yellow.

02:29:32.000 Maybe he even got a little bit of, like, white features, which is why he's got such an extra-aggressive attitude.

02:29:37.000 Yeah.

02:29:38.000 He's trying to, like, prop himself up.

02:29:41.000 Let you know.

02:29:42.000 You know?

02:29:44.000 You're racist.

02:29:44.000 Hear him, hear him.

02:29:46.000 That's not racist, bro.

02:29:47.000 This is observant.

02:29:49.000 See, I break it all down.

02:29:50.000 I know.

02:29:52.000 Alright folks, most likely we'll be back on Wednesday.

02:29:55.000 I'm doing the Tom Green thing tomorrow.

02:29:57.000 I don't have any details.

02:29:58.000 That's Tom Green's thing.

02:29:59.000 You can follow him on Twitter.

02:30:01.000 I think it's TomGreenLive.

02:30:02.000 That's it, bitches.

02:30:03.000 I love you.

02:30:03.000 And I'll see you next week.

02:30:05.000 Or sometime soon.

The Joe Rogan Experience - November 29, 2010

Joe Rogan Experience #58 - Mayhem Miller

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