The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #654 - Rich Vos

00:00:00.000 We're all in captivity in Ontario.

00:00:01.000 That's beautiful.

00:00:05.000 We live?

00:00:06.000 Hey! 0.99

00:00:06.000 I just got a tweet from Phil Demers, that dude who's on, the trainer, Wallace trainer. 0.99

00:00:12.000 They banned killer whale captivity in Ontario. 0.98

00:00:15.000 Rich Voss doesn't give a fuck about that, though. 0.95

00:00:17.000 Do you, Rich Voss? 0.99

00:00:18.000 Are you kidding me?

00:00:18.000 One of my biggest missions in life is the killer whale.

00:00:24.000 The killer whale.

00:00:26.000 There's too much feedback.

00:00:28.000 I'm trying to get this.

00:00:29.000 Too much feedback?

00:00:30.000 What are you, Jimi Hendrix?

00:00:32.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:00:34.000 Is there a hum?

00:00:36.000 How do I turn it down?

00:00:38.000 There's knobs, right?

00:00:39.000 Is there a hum?

00:00:40.000 Not a hum. 0.99

00:00:41.000 I lied because I fucked up, so I wanted to make it look like there was a reason I fucked up. 0.98

00:00:45.000 Where do you turn it down? 0.99

00:00:46.000 What knob?

00:00:48.000 This one right here?

00:00:49.000 Oh.

00:00:50.000 Is that better?

00:01:03.000 I'm like a prima donna when it comes to sound.

00:01:08.000 To tell you the truth, I hate wearing headphones.

00:01:10.000 Don't do you?

00:01:11.000 You don't have to wear them.

00:01:11.000 I don't?

00:01:12.000 No, take them off. 1.00

00:01:13.000 Fuck those things. 1.00

00:01:14.000 I like the little ones I put in. 1.00

00:01:15.000 Oh, okay.

00:01:17.000 Look how perfect it is.

00:01:18.000 Sounds like we're talking.

00:01:20.000 Jesus Christ.

00:01:21.000 Let's do this.

00:01:22.000 I know.

00:01:22.000 We'll let Jamie handle everything.

00:01:24.000 Jamie, if shit gets weird, let us know. 0.98

00:01:26.000 Brian, are you going to go crazy and stick with the headphones? 0.99

00:01:28.000 I like the headphones.

00:01:29.000 You do? 0.96

00:01:30.000 He's a gangster. 0.98

00:01:31.000 Look at him over there. 0.93

00:01:32.000 Are you periscoping?

00:01:33.000 Yeah.

00:01:34.000 Let's live your life.

00:01:35.000 Okay.

00:01:35.000 Did you go back to the little phone?

00:01:36.000 Oh, that's the Samsung.

00:01:38.000 No, I'm using the Samsung Edge.

00:01:39.000 It's really nice.

00:01:39.000 Oh, very nice.

00:01:40.000 It actually works very well.

00:01:42.000 I'm very happy with it.

00:01:43.000 It's great.

00:01:43.000 I like that phone.

00:01:44.000 It's a very sweet phone.

00:01:45.000 Yeah, I got it for the Ting. 0.79

00:01:46.000 I got a GSM card.

00:01:50.000 Yeah, that's what I did.

00:01:51.000 Unlocked phone.

00:01:52.000 And it's cool.

00:01:53.000 The camera is so amazing compared to it.

00:01:56.000 And if you compare the iPhone 6 with it, it's like night and day difference how much better.

00:02:01.000 The camera?

00:02:01.000 Yeah, the cameras.

00:02:02.000 I'm a big fan of that Samsung phone.

00:02:04.000 They make a slick phone.

00:02:05.000 That new one, the new Galaxy, the S6 and the S6 Edge, the quality is so much better than the 5. But I really wish they didn't have to go with the...

00:02:16.000 Now it's not waterproof anymore, and you don't have replaceable media storage.

00:02:20.000 You can't take the battery out.

00:02:22.000 You know what's really good, though, is this one, I was completely dead, and it has such a fast charge on it in my car.

00:02:27.000 In like 30 minutes, it charged up to 56% of the battery.

00:02:31.000 In like 30 minutes, it was almost completely...

00:02:33.000 It's great.

00:02:35.000 I like them, though.

00:02:35.000 I like them.

00:02:36.000 Are you anti-technology, Rich Ross?

00:02:38.000 Well, I got this, the iPhone 6 Plus, because I want to make my little hands even look smaller when I hold this thing. 0.98

00:02:44.000 I can't tell you how many times I lay in bed trying to play Scrabble, and it falls out of my fucking hands, and it's just the most aggravating thing on the planet. 0.89

00:02:52.000 But, you know, what do I use it for? 0.96

00:02:54.000 I take some pictures, and maybe I'll record something, internet, Twitter. 0.99

00:03:01.000 What else do I need a fucking phone for? 0.99

00:03:04.000 I hear ya. 1.00

00:03:07.000 Recording, that's it.

00:03:08.000 The videos I take of my kids, and that's it. 0.99

00:03:12.000 The cameras in these new phones are fucking incredible. 0.97

00:03:14.000 The people that make cameras must be so bummed out. 0.99

00:03:17.000 Because they used to think, those little point-and-click cameras that everybody used to have, who the fuck buys those now? 0.80

00:03:21.000 A lady the other day took a picture, not only that, how about the people that buy the ones that are disposable? 1.00

00:03:27.000 How white trash are you that you're buying a disposable fucking camera? 1.00

00:03:32.000 You've got to bring it somewhere and get it developed. 1.00

00:03:35.000 These pictures are great, because then I'll send this to my iPad, to my MacBook, and I'll send them...

00:03:43.000 I don't even send them.

00:03:45.000 I put it right next to it, and it downloads to my iPad.

00:03:49.000 Did you ever see that Robin Williams movie, 24-hour photo?

00:03:52.000 Oh yeah, it's one of my favorite movies.

00:03:53.000 It's a great movie.

00:03:54.000 Amazing.

00:03:55.000 But today you'd be like, why would you go?

00:03:56.000 It doesn't make any sense.

00:03:58.000 Why would you get developed?

00:04:00.000 Don't you have a printer?

00:04:01.000 That wasn't that long ago.

00:04:02.000 Do you have any film that you haven't developed?

00:04:04.000 I just found a camera that when I was 20, I met a girl on AOL, and she lived in Chicago.

00:04:09.000 My mom's like, I'm going to Chicago for work.

00:04:11.000 Wait a minute, that was 20 years ago?

00:04:12.000 It was like the first girl I ever met on AOL. So 95. AOL 1 or 2. And I met her on Thing, and we used to go back and forth, and my mom's like, I'm going to Chicago for work.

00:04:21.000 And I'm like, hey, that girl lives in Chicago. 0.99

00:04:23.000 So I met her, and we spent a day together in Chicago.

00:04:26.000 Don't remember what she looked like, but...

00:04:28.000 That text you sent me, someone's trolling you, obviously, right?

00:04:30.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, I found out.

00:04:31.000 Of course.

00:04:32.000 Yeah, he thought it was funny to say that he was my son.

00:04:35.000 Well, you'd have to be, you would have to have been like 16. 17. 17?

00:04:39.000 But I was looking, and there was one girl that I had sex with that I don't remember who she was, and it could have been her. 1.00

00:04:45.000 I'm sure she doesn't either.

00:04:47.000 What did you tell him?

00:04:47.000 Send me the pictures of me.

00:04:49.000 Well, he said it was Asian.

00:04:49.000 I was like, oh, I had my first Asian a couple years ago.

00:04:51.000 The worst is when you met her. 0.98

00:04:54.000 Like, I met this girl once, and she was hot, and I flew to Florida a couple days to have sex. 1.00

00:05:00.000 You know, and then, like, all of a sudden, I'm going out to lunch with her and her mother. 1.00

00:05:05.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00

00:05:06.000 She's probably a stripper, so she's pure dysfunction. 1.00

00:05:11.000 And we go to a hotel. 0.99

00:05:13.000 All of a sudden, I fucking... 0.99

00:05:14.000 Right when I bust a fucking nut, All I think is, how am I going to get out of this whole situation? 0.99

00:05:21.000 I mean, I'm talking another day and a half of this fucking horribleness. 1.00

00:05:26.000 And she was hot. 1.00

00:05:28.000 It doesn't matter.

00:05:29.000 It doesn't matter.

00:05:30.000 But it matters enough to get you into the mess.

00:05:33.000 Oh, yeah.

00:05:34.000 Yeah.

00:05:35.000 Well, it's like anything. 0.97

00:05:37.000 Like when you're copping fucking freebase or crack, the whole excitement is going up there and getting through the guns and, you know, dealing, you know, and not fucking, you know what I mean? 0.97

00:05:46.000 And then you get, it's like you get to home and boom, now I got it. 0.99

00:05:49.000 I made it through, you know, the minefields. 1.00

00:05:52.000 I got the fucking crack. 1.00

00:05:53.000 I smoke it. 1.00

00:05:54.000 All right. 0.98

00:05:54.000 But the whole excitement leading up to it, you know, the best thing that ever happened to me with these fucking broads, when I pick them up and take them back to my place, In my city apartment, they can never stay. 0.98

00:06:08.000 I said, listen, you got to leave because my ex-wife drops my kids off in the morning and I can't have my kids seeing, you know, you. 0.97

00:06:17.000 Okay.

00:06:18.000 I don't want my ex-wife seeing you knowing that I went from her to you.

00:06:23.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:06:25.000 That's hilarious.

00:06:26.000 Getting them out is, you know, when you talk about traveling and getting laid.

00:06:30.000 It's just amazing the difference.

00:06:31.000 And I don't know if women... 1.00

00:06:33.000 I don't think they have this experience. 0.96

00:06:34.000 The difference in perspective of before you have sex with them and then after you have sex with them.

00:06:39.000 It's so radically different. 0.97

00:06:41.000 Like, before you have sex with them, you can't wait. 1.00

00:06:43.000 You're like looking at her ass and looking at her waist and her tits. 1.00

00:06:47.000 You're like, oh, this is going to be a mess. 1.00

00:06:49.000 And then when you're done, you're like, oh, God, what am I doing?

00:06:53.000 That's the difference between being with a girl you really do care about and being with a girl that...

00:06:59.000 Your body just tricked you, you know?

00:07:01.000 And that can happen to a guy. 0.78

00:07:02.000 And that's why you know, like, if you have sex with a girl and then afterwards, you're hanging out and talking and cuddling and you love it.

00:07:08.000 You're like, oh, she's really nice.

00:07:11.000 I really like her.

00:07:12.000 I didn't get tricked this time.

00:07:14.000 It's like, you don't even know until the fog clears.

00:07:16.000 I go, oh, where are I? Oh, hello.

00:07:20.000 Hi.

00:07:20.000 It's so weird how instant it is also.

00:07:22.000 It's immediate. 0.84

00:07:23.000 It's so disgusting. 1.00

00:07:24.000 You could be with a girl and everything's great, like you say, and then all of a sudden, the way she throws a piece of garbage in the wastebasket in your room, you go, I hate her. 1.00

00:07:40.000 Just one little thing. 0.97

00:07:41.000 I was with this girl.

00:07:42.000 I'm telling you, it was right after my first divorce.

00:07:46.000 I was working South Carolina and I met this girl.

00:07:49.000 You couldn't have been any better looking.

00:07:51.000 Smart, great career, newscaster.

00:07:55.000 So in South Carolina, we're fooling around.

00:07:58.000 It was great.

00:07:59.000 I'm like, did I really find love again?

00:08:02.000 Right?

00:08:02.000 You know what I mean?

00:08:03.000 I was like, ah, she's beautiful, fun to be with.

00:08:06.000 She came to Alabama where I was working.

00:08:09.000 I guess, whatever.

00:08:10.000 It wasn't far.

00:08:11.000 Great weekend.

00:08:13.000 Then I'm in Florida and she flies down to see me.

00:08:18.000 And we're laying in bed.

00:08:20.000 And I'm really sick.

00:08:22.000 I have a fever.

00:08:24.000 And she goes to touch me.

00:08:26.000 She goes, what can I do? 1.00

00:08:27.000 And I go, well, the first thing is get your fucking arm off me. 1.00

00:08:30.000 Not like that. 1.00

00:08:31.000 I said, don't touch me.

00:08:33.000 And then I knew, like, you have to get out of here.

00:08:39.000 I can't do this.

00:08:42.000 And she was perfect. 0.96

00:08:45.000 Because I'm so fucking damaged. 0.98

00:08:48.000 In life that I'm going to destroy everything around. 0.98

00:08:52.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:08:53.000 When you have that damaged personality and that, you know, the whole, I'm not good enough, somehow you're going to fuck it up. 0.93

00:09:02.000 You know, that's what's great about Bonnie. 0.97

00:09:05.000 She's as damaged as I am.

00:09:07.000 Is she really?

00:09:09.000 Really?

00:09:10.000 Really?

00:09:11.000 Let me tell you a story, okay? 1.00

00:09:15.000 And we told on our radio, she grew up on a fucking farm, okay? 0.97

00:09:20.000 When she, I guess 11 or 10, she had to have a major operation, you know, something removed from down here. 0.99

00:09:29.000 I don't know what it was. 0.99

00:09:30.000 A penis? 1.00

00:09:31.000 No, God, I wish she still had one of those. 1.00

00:09:34.000 So, she had to have it removed.

00:09:37.000 Right.

00:09:38.000 11 years old and she lived in Cold Lake and her parents put her on a bus to go have the operation in like Toronto or wherever, 10 or 11 years old,

00:09:53.000 maybe 9. By herself, because her parents couldn't leave because it was harvest season, and they were farmers.

00:10:00.000 They put a nine- or ten-year-old girl on the bus to go have part of her body taken out in the hospital, you know, and then come home.

00:10:12.000 You know what I mean?

00:10:12.000 I think maybe they visited her at one point, but she grew up, you know, poor in the beginning, sleeping on dirt floors, you know, and then they're You know, farmers and killing chickens and this and that.

00:10:28.000 And, you know, but she was always creative. 0.99

00:10:31.000 Brilliant fucking... 0.99

00:10:32.000 I read one of her books she made as a kid called Chicken Island. 1.00

00:10:37.000 You know, she wrote a book as a kid.

00:10:39.000 Just brilliant, brilliant.

00:10:40.000 And that's how my kid is.

00:10:41.000 And then if you don't think she's damaged...

00:10:46.000 She went out with Mark Cohen, who's a guitar act.

00:10:48.000 How can you not...

00:10:49.000 Nothing against a guy.

00:10:52.000 Good songs.

00:10:54.000 But she's a comic and a female. 1.00

00:10:56.000 What happened to that guy?

00:10:58.000 Huh?

00:10:59.000 I don't know.

00:10:59.000 He was married, had kids, and his wife...

00:11:03.000 Did some cancer stuff or whatever.

00:11:07.000 I always got along with him.

00:11:08.000 He was a good guy.

00:11:09.000 He was a nice guy.

00:11:10.000 He was a great guy.

00:11:11.000 Everybody liked him.

00:11:12.000 He was a great guy.

00:11:13.000 He was funny.

00:11:14.000 Is he out of business?

00:11:15.000 I don't think so.

00:11:16.000 He's probably just doing whatever, you know.

00:11:18.000 Just never hear his name anymore.

00:11:20.000 Sometimes that happens, you know?

00:11:22.000 Like, you're around a guy all the time and then, for whatever reason, you don't hear their name anymore.

00:11:26.000 They just stop, like, exchanging circles, or, you know, your circles stop interacting with each other.

00:11:33.000 Yeah, there was this guy, Anthony, I knew, and you would always hear his name.

00:11:36.000 Anthony...

00:11:37.000 Kuma.

00:11:38.000 Kuma?

00:11:38.000 Kuma, yeah.

00:11:41.000 And you don't hear his name anymore.

00:11:44.000 He's still preaching to the converted.

00:11:46.000 Do you know how many podcast subscribers he has?

00:11:50.000 Because he's subscription only, right?

00:11:52.000 Yeah.

00:11:53.000 Which I think...

00:11:54.000 22. 22 people?

00:11:57.000 No, I think he's doing all right.

00:11:59.000 I think he's doing all right.

00:12:00.000 He charges like five bucks a month or something, is that what it is?

00:12:02.000 I think he's doing...

00:12:03.000 I've done this podcast.

00:12:04.000 It was a lot of fun when I went out there.

00:12:05.000 If he was in New York, and they are setting up in New York, then it'd be...

00:12:09.000 He needs to move to ad base, though. 0.97

00:12:12.000 If he moves to ad base, he'll be fucking huge. 0.96

00:12:14.000 He's really good. 0.98

00:12:15.000 He's funny. 0.99

00:12:16.000 He's a funny fucking guy. 0.99

00:12:17.000 Not only is he... 1.00

00:12:18.000 He's very smart.

00:12:19.000 He's politically smart.

00:12:20.000 Yes, very smart.

00:12:20.000 He knows politics.

00:12:22.000 He knows what's going on.

00:12:24.000 But people are not going to pay...

00:12:26.000 They're not paying to subscribe to things.

00:12:28.000 Especially when, for the same amount, you can get all the channels on Sirius?

00:12:33.000 All of them?

00:12:35.000 How many shows do you do a week?

00:12:37.000 You do like three a week?

00:12:38.000 Do you do four a week?

00:12:40.000 Yeah, but what's five dollars a month?

00:12:41.000 I mean, really, if you think about it...

00:12:43.000 To me?

00:12:43.000 It's not that much, but if you're broke, and you have to make your decisions, there's a lot of people that are broke.

00:12:50.000 A lot of people don't like Sirius for that very reason.

00:12:52.000 Because they have to think, okay, that's another five bucks, and this is another five bucks.

00:12:57.000 It all adds up.

00:12:59.000 If you're chipping away, that all adds up.

00:13:01.000 Especially when there's so much free content nowadays.

00:13:04.000 Even with Periscope, I was just watching Burt Kreischer the other day for like an hour, and that's all free, and that was just like a podcast, but it was live.

00:13:12.000 Well, Joey does the morning joint.

00:13:14.000 Joey Diaz, every morning, gets up at 7 o'clock.

00:13:17.000 He lets everybody know.

00:13:18.000 He gives you a 10-minute warning on Twitter. 1.00

00:13:20.000 And at 7 o'clock, he lights a joint and starts talking shit. 1.00

00:13:23.000 And he talks shit for like five minutes. 1.00

00:13:24.000 And then he says, all right, go wash your pussy. 1.00

00:13:26.000 Have a good day, you motherfuckers. 1.00

00:13:28.000 Go kill it! 1.00

00:13:28.000 Go kill it out there! 1.00

00:13:30.000 And he gives you a little motivational speech. 1.00

00:13:32.000 But I think that that kind of shit is the future. 0.99

00:13:36.000 And he's going to get ads for Periscope. 1.00

00:13:39.000 That's what he's going to do.

00:13:39.000 That's how he's going to handle it.

00:13:41.000 That's the future.

00:13:42.000 Yeah, I mean, look, Anthony, they're all set financially.

00:13:45.000 I don't know how long it's going to last.

00:13:47.000 I don't know how, you know, they did pretty well.

00:13:49.000 You know, his house.

00:13:50.000 Have you been to his house?

00:13:51.000 No, I've seen pictures of it, though.

00:13:53.000 It's beautiful.

00:13:53.000 It looks like Victoria Gotti used to live there.

00:13:56.000 It's fucking beautiful. 1.00

00:13:57.000 You know, it's real, you know, fucking statues, pouring, whatever. 1.00

00:14:01.000 It's got money. 1.00

00:14:02.000 It's got fucking money. 1.00

00:14:03.000 It's real Italian. 1.00

00:14:03.000 So that was from Syria? 1.00

00:14:04.000 Syria gave him a ton of money?

00:14:05.000 Yeah.

00:14:05.000 Yeah, you know, he was with them forever, those guys.

00:14:08.000 They were with N.E.W. and Sirius, you know.

00:14:10.000 So did Sirius want to get rid of him because they were paying so much money?

00:14:14.000 I doubt it.

00:14:15.000 Is that part of it?

00:14:15.000 No, I think...

00:14:16.000 No, no.

00:14:17.000 Because they're corporate.

00:14:18.000 And once you say...

00:14:19.000 Brian thinks yes.

00:14:20.000 Huh?

00:14:20.000 Brian thinks yes.

00:14:20.000 You think it was over money?

00:14:22.000 Oh, I think that there's a lot of money problems over at that place.

00:14:25.000 Oh, yeah.

00:14:26.000 There was an article about them cutting Howard Stern's money.

00:14:28.000 I think they're cutting the fat is pretty much what they're probably thinking about right now.

00:14:33.000 Yeah, but I... They just took a huge loan out.

00:14:37.000 Seriously?

00:14:37.000 Yeah, like it was a year ago.

00:14:40.000 Millions and millions of dollars.

00:14:41.000 And this was like the second huge loan I think that they did just to kind of bail them out and give them some time.

00:14:46.000 But I thought their stock went up.

00:14:47.000 I thought they were down to like...

00:14:48.000 Yeah, to $1.30.

00:14:50.000 Yeah, but it was at $0.10.

00:14:52.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:14:52.000 So, I mean, you could have became rich all the time.

00:14:55.000 It was real high at one point in time.

00:14:56.000 Was that $4 or $8, you know?

00:14:59.000 I don't understand stocks.

00:15:01.000 I really don't.

00:15:01.000 It just makes no sense that a company could be worth four times as much with the products exactly the same.

00:15:06.000 Like, what's happening?

00:15:08.000 It can crash.

00:15:09.000 The stock can crash.

00:15:10.000 But what changed? 0.99

00:15:12.000 I think the idea of stocks is fucking completely ridiculous. 0.98

00:15:15.000 Do you buy stock at all, Joe? 0.99

00:15:16.000 No!

00:15:16.000 You should invest in Twitter right now, though, with this Periscope.

00:15:19.000 Twitter doesn't make any money at all, man.

00:15:22.000 I have people that do it.

00:15:24.000 I mean, I do have stocks.

00:15:25.000 I have...

00:15:26.000 I have funds.

00:15:27.000 I invest in a bunch of different things.

00:15:29.000 But quite honestly, I think the days of people making fuck-tons of money just on stocks, those days are numbered.

00:15:37.000 So it's weird times now.

00:15:39.000 I don't really know what I'm talking about.

00:15:40.000 I should say that.

00:15:41.000 I know almost nothing about finances.

00:15:43.000 I invested, and this was years ago, I think maybe $2,000.

00:15:48.000 And my problem is I have...

00:15:51.000 A gambling problem like every other problem.

00:15:54.000 So every day I'm looking at it to see if it went up or down, you know, and then it's, you know, I'm going, this is doing great. 0.99

00:16:02.000 Then all of a sudden it dropped and I just said, fuck it, I got to stop just because... 0.98

00:16:06.000 All I'm doing is thinking about is this thing, and it's only like fucking 2,000 bucks or 3,000, but... 0.99

00:16:12.000 What did you invest in? 0.84

00:16:13.000 It was a mutual fund.

00:16:14.000 So it was a bunch of things together, right?

00:16:17.000 And I ended up saying, I'm done with this.

00:16:20.000 I made like 400 bucks, but I would have lost it all.

00:16:23.000 I would have lost.

00:16:24.000 And it wasn't much, but it just, it consumes your head.

00:16:27.000 You know, because if you're in Vegas gambling... 1.00

00:16:32.000 You're thinking, oh fuck, I lost this here. 0.98

00:16:34.000 If I get it back here, if I do this, if I just get 300 today, you know what I mean? 0.99

00:16:40.000 Then if I get even, then maybe I can fucking win a little here. 0.87

00:16:44.000 And that's all your head's going on when you're gambling in Vegas. 0.99

00:16:48.000 Numbers and numbers are going through your fucking head nonstop in Vegas or at any casino. 0.99

00:16:54.000 And I can't even imagine what stocks... 0.99

00:16:57.000 It's the same thing.

00:16:59.000 It's the same exact thing.

00:17:00.000 Yeah, you're sitting there all day.

00:17:02.000 Say you're investing in 10 different companies.

00:17:08.000 All day long, you're back and forth. 1.00

00:17:09.000 This fucking company's losing. 1.00

00:17:11.000 I gotta throw money over here from here, you know? 1.00

00:17:14.000 Fuck, it's too much. 1.00

00:17:15.000 Just go, shoot craps, and either win or fucking lose. 1.00

00:17:18.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:17:19.000 It certainly is gambling in that a lot of guys that are attracted to gambling, they get involved in stocks.

00:17:25.000 And they get the same itch.

00:17:27.000 The same itch.

00:17:28.000 It's going up. 1.00

00:17:29.000 And fuck it, Salick! 1.00

00:17:29.000 Look at the floor! 1.00

00:17:30.000 When you see the floor and they're yelling and screaming at each other, which I don't even think they do anymore.

00:17:35.000 I don't think they do it the same way.

00:17:37.000 I mean, I think when we were talking about that with people that understand... 0.95

00:17:42.000 Who the fuck was it we were talking with when they were talking about how they've... 0.93

00:17:46.000 That people have bought property closer to Wall Street so they could trade quicker because they're trading with algorithms. 0.99

00:17:54.000 And it's all about, like, nanoseconds.

00:17:57.000 Like, literally.

00:17:58.000 The distance in the pipe.

00:18:00.000 Between the office and the floor, the trading floor, makes the difference between selling and buying at the right time.

00:18:08.000 Wow, it's like a ping.

00:18:09.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:18:11.000 So they invested in all this real estate around that area. 0.97

00:18:14.000 Real estate around Wall Street is fucking worth astronomical amounts of money. 0.95

00:18:19.000 All you need is a small office. 0.84

00:18:21.000 You take that small office, you put all your servers and all your stuff in there, you do all your transactions from there, and it's amazing.

00:18:27.000 Well, a lot of the stuff I learned about Wall Street and stock was from Trading Places, so I know a lot about it.

00:18:35.000 That's a good reference point.

00:18:37.000 They know.

00:18:38.000 That was a good movie.

00:18:41.000 I see these guys, but during the whole market crash and the banking, and I'm not really... 0.99

00:18:48.000 The smartest when it comes to the subject, when people lost their homes, their fucking life earnings, not one of those cocksuckers went to jail, okay? 1.00

00:18:58.000 But you fucking, you know, do whatever, you know, throw, you know... 0.99

00:19:04.000 You know, Martha Stewart in jail for a couple, but no one from Wall Street was ever indicted for anything. 0.99

00:19:11.000 Yeah, no one other than that Bernie Madoff guy, but that guy was just stealing.

00:19:14.000 That was a totally different animal.

00:19:15.000 That wasn't Wall Street.

00:19:16.000 That was to divert your attention from Wall Street.

00:19:19.000 That was just a Ponzi scheme.

00:19:21.000 Well, no.

00:19:22.000 He had nothing to do with Wall Street.

00:19:23.000 That was a Ponzi scheme.

00:19:24.000 He wasn't working out on Wall Street.

00:19:26.000 He was just scamming people for money.

00:19:29.000 That wasn't the banking, giving mortgages to people that can't afford them.

00:19:35.000 It started off with the real estate salesman.

00:19:39.000 Yes, we can get you into this house.

00:19:41.000 Then to the broker, then to the bank. 1.00

00:19:43.000 And they're giving out these fucking houses to people. 0.99

00:19:46.000 That kept people's minds off of really what was going on down in Wall Street. 0.99

00:19:51.000 Because it happened at the same time.

00:19:53.000 What amazed me about that Bernie Madoff thing is that people that understood money got robbed.

00:19:58.000 A lot of people, I guess it was just greed. 0.99

00:20:01.000 He was offering such a large percentage of return on your money that people just said, look, I'm going to take a chance, this fucking guy. 0.98

00:20:10.000 Whatever he's doing, he's doing it right. 0.96

00:20:12.000 People make it 25% returns, all those crazy returns.

00:20:15.000 But he just banked on people not cashing in.

00:20:19.000 Which is just amazing.

00:20:21.000 But when's enough enough, too?

00:20:22.000 Like, how much money?

00:20:23.000 Like, there's people that lost millions.

00:20:25.000 You know, so when's enough enough for a person?

00:20:28.000 You know what I mean?

00:20:29.000 Like, look, take corporations. 1.00

00:20:31.000 When's enough enough where you're going to start treating your fucking employees like human beings? 0.98

00:20:36.000 Corporations are very tricky, because with corporations, it's all about they have to continue to make more money than they made the last year. 0.99

00:20:43.000 It's all about infinite growth.

00:20:44.000 So, like, if you made a million dollars this year, you have to show them, you know, in the first quarter of the next year, we're up 5%.

00:20:51.000 And you have to keep doing that.

00:20:52.000 If you don't keep doing that, then you're losing money because you have stockholders.

00:20:56.000 And your main obligation is to earn these stockholders' money.

00:21:01.000 That's what you have to do.

00:21:02.000 And if you don't do that, they'll get rid of you as a CEO. Well, it's the same as any comedy club.

00:21:07.000 If I go in a comedy club, if they make money and I make money, we're happy.

00:21:10.000 As long as you don't lose, you know, I fight with comedy clubs.

00:21:13.000 I go, well, you didn't lose last time I was there.

00:21:15.000 Well, we didn't make well.

00:21:16.000 Look, you didn't lose.

00:21:18.000 There's a profit, okay?

00:21:20.000 I talked to these employees from Costco after a show a couple weeks ago. 0.97

00:21:25.000 They're fucking paid 30-something an hour, health insurance, you know, kickbacks from whatever they spend there. 0.96

00:21:34.000 I mean, this corporation is great to their employees. 0.99

00:21:38.000 Costco is. 0.99

00:21:38.000 Yeah, they're fucking great. 0.99

00:21:40.000 I'm talking to these ladies that have been there 20 years, 18 years, that are making, you know, 35 bucks an hour and getting health benefits. 1.00

00:21:48.000 And whenever they buy products there, a percentage of that goes into their...

00:21:54.000 Whatever fund.

00:21:55.000 So, I mean, it's a great corporation. 0.83

00:21:57.000 But there's other ones, I don't want to say names because I don't want to get fucking sued, but you know. 0.95

00:22:03.000 When's enough enough? 0.99

00:22:04.000 How much money does a certain family need before they start taking care of their fucking employees? 1.00

00:22:11.000 For a lot of folks, I think what happens is that's the only way that they keep score at things. 0.99

00:22:15.000 You know, the only way you keep score is money.

00:22:17.000 And if you're not making more money than you were making before, you feel like you're losing.

00:22:22.000 They never feel like they're accomplishing anything unless they're making money.

00:22:25.000 They don't have a quantifiable score on anything else.

00:22:30.000 It's not like, you know, like if you were doing something else that you really enjoyed doing on top of making that money, you know, like something competitive maybe.

00:22:38.000 I think there's a lot of what goes on in business is competition, you know?

00:22:43.000 I mean, it's a lot of it...

00:22:44.000 Is sort of what made human beings human beings in the first place It's like this desire to constantly move ahead constantly, you know Make everything better progress keep pushing forward like that whole desire that led to cities agriculture That's the same sort of instinct that leads people to continually pursue and you get greedy and greedier Yeah,

00:23:07.000 it's drive.

00:23:08.000 Yeah.

00:23:09.000 The best point is when they don't have anything else to fall back on.

00:23:12.000 You know, when they...

00:23:13.000 I don't know.

00:23:14.000 I mean, look, you look at Trump.

00:23:18.000 I don't know about his... 1.00

00:23:20.000 I know he knows how to build fucking golf courses. 1.00

00:23:22.000 This fucking guy knows how to build a golf course. 1.00

00:23:25.000 Well, you're a golfer, so you understand that. 1.00

00:23:26.000 And I've been to some of his courses.

00:23:27.000 Does he golf?

00:23:28.000 Yeah, he golfs.

00:23:29.000 You know, I've heard stories, but he golfs.

00:23:31.000 Heard stories about what? 1.00

00:23:32.000 He sucks? 1.00

00:23:33.000 No, I heard he's okay. 1.00

00:23:34.000 I heard he's okay.

00:23:35.000 What stories have you heard?

00:23:36.000 That he plays a lot of golf.

00:23:39.000 Does he gamble?

00:23:40.000 Oh, I don't think so.

00:23:42.000 I don't know.

00:23:42.000 I never...

00:23:43.000 I don't know.

00:23:44.000 No, I'm just saying he'll fly it on his helicopter, you know, but he likes to win.

00:23:49.000 He likes to win in life.

00:23:51.000 And maybe, like, say, let's even say we'll use a Malcolm X term by any means necessary.

00:23:57.000 He likes to win.

00:23:59.000 Okay, so I don't know.

00:24:01.000 I feel racial tension in the room.

00:24:02.000 No, no, no.

00:24:03.000 Do you feel it?

00:24:05.000 Awkward boner.

00:24:05.000 But, okay, so he's his...

00:24:08.000 He's well off in life.

00:24:09.000 But at least on the side, he's doing something that gives him passion.

00:24:15.000 He's building these golf courses and he's going to play.

00:24:17.000 And I'm not pro-Donald Trump or anti.

00:24:20.000 I'm just saying that this is a guy that... 0.98

00:24:23.000 Besides building big fucking skyscrapers all over New York and everywhere, his thing is building and playing golf. 0.98

00:24:31.000 Remember when he was trying to say that Obama wasn't born in America? 0.99

00:24:34.000 He was chasing that down.

00:24:36.000 Obama was born in Kenya and his birth certificate was fake.

00:24:40.000 But you know what's gonna be funny?

00:24:41.000 When that all comes out and Obama says, you know what, you guys?

00:24:44.000 After it's over, after he did eight years.

00:24:46.000 He's done luck.

00:24:47.000 All right. 0.99

00:24:48.000 In the interest of total disclosure, I am, in fact, a radical Muslim terrorist. 0.88

00:24:53.000 I've been infiltrating and trying to weaken America from the inside. 0.98

00:24:56.000 All of you white people in Iowa, you are all right. 0.94

00:25:00.000 Yeah, the white people in Iowa. 1.00

00:25:02.000 All those fucking crazy Christians, the Take Back America folks. 1.00

00:25:05.000 Have you heard the Rick Santorum song, Take Back America? 1.00

00:25:08.000 We played it yesterday.

00:25:10.000 Who's ever in office, the other side's going to hate him and trash him and do whatever. 0.66

00:25:16.000 I mean, look, it but stunk. 0.85

00:25:18.000 Obama's not the best president on the planet either. 0.99

00:25:20.000 None of them, none of, you know, if you're a fucking Jew that votes for Obama, there's got to be, I mean, he's not really, really pro-Israel. 0.97

00:25:29.000 You know, he's not anti, but he's not the pro-Israel. 0.99

00:25:30.000 So if you're a Jew, you have to be pro-Israel. 0.86

00:25:33.000 Is that the deal?

00:25:33.000 Well, no, because here's the thing.

00:25:34.000 You don't have to be pro-Israel, but anti-Semitism that runs rapid throughout Europe.

00:25:39.000 Rampant?

00:25:41.000 That's the word.

00:25:41.000 I guess it's rapid as well.

00:25:43.000 No, I'm rampant. 0.96

00:25:44.000 This isn't fucking Bonnie or Norton correcting me. 0.95

00:25:48.000 I say some wrong words every now and then, but you know what I'm saying. 0.95

00:25:51.000 But you know what I'm talking about.

00:25:52.000 What did I say?

00:25:53.000 Rampant.

00:25:54.000 I'm pretty sure you say rapid.

00:25:56.000 Did you say rapid?

00:25:57.000 No, rampant or rapid.

00:25:59.000 I bet you can say ramp.

00:26:00.000 It runs rampant or rapid.

00:26:03.000 Rampant or rapid.

00:26:04.000 I said rampant.

00:26:05.000 Let's look it up.

00:26:06.000 Rampant is not it.

00:26:07.000 Rampant.

00:26:08.000 I said rampant.

00:26:11.000 What did I say?

00:26:12.000 It's rampant.

00:26:14.000 Rampant.

00:26:15.000 Okay, what did I say?

00:26:15.000 Rampant?

00:26:16.000 You said rapid.

00:26:17.000 I'm pretty sure.

00:26:18.000 It runs rapid.

00:26:19.000 It could have been anything.

00:26:20.000 It could have been.

00:26:21.000 But you knew what I was talking about.

00:26:23.000 Basically.

00:26:24.000 Okay.

00:26:24.000 Anti-surgery.

00:26:25.000 Just in case someone listening is young and impressionable, and they might go use that same word, like when they're going for a job interview or something like that.

00:26:33.000 Well, you know, I think disinformation runs rapid throughout this world.

00:26:37.000 Okay.

00:26:38.000 Okay. 0.90

00:26:39.000 We'll talk about a couple things I know that I can't fuck up. 0.99

00:26:45.000 Jews, Obama, what? 0.99

00:26:47.000 Okay, so the anti-Semitism throughout Europe, that's out of control.

00:26:51.000 Have you seen that thing in France?

00:26:54.000 They had this guy dressed up as a Jew walking through these Muslim neighborhoods in Paris.

00:27:00.000 Like, whoa! 0.99

00:27:01.000 There's some fucking serious... 0.99

00:27:03.000 That's obviously where Charlie Hebdo happened, where they killed those guys for drawing those cartoons of Mohammed. 0.99

00:27:09.000 There's a lot of anti-Semitism in Europe.

00:27:12.000 I was talking to Ari about it and Ari and his brother, his brother actually lives in Europe and he said that essentially they were just like really tolerant of all sorts of different religions and a lot of like really radical people moved there because of that because it was a good place for them.

00:27:29.000 Well, it's going to overflow.

00:27:31.000 Whatever happens, it overflows.

00:27:34.000 The anti-Semitism in this country.

00:27:36.000 The people in this country really think Jews run this country.

00:27:40.000 They really think that, huh?

00:27:41.000 They don't?

00:27:43.000 I've been getting these newsletters.

00:27:45.000 I was explaining to a comic, you run this country.

00:27:48.000 There's 3% of us in this country.

00:27:51.000 3%.

00:27:51.000 Now...

00:27:52.000 They've done really well, though.

00:27:53.000 Yes, yes.

00:27:54.000 Yes, we're good.

00:27:55.000 Yeah, but how could you...

00:27:56.000 If we did, that would say the other 90%. 0.99

00:27:59.000 97% is pretty fucking... 0.98

00:28:02.000 We need to get this number down. 0.99

00:28:04.000 3%.

00:28:04.000 Now, wait a second.

00:28:06.000 Now, wait a second.

00:28:06.000 And I'm saying this is...

00:28:08.000 You know the wasps run this country, fucking Walmart, Chase Manhattan, it's all fucking waspy old school money. 1.00

00:28:17.000 Right. 1.00

00:28:18.000 But this fucking world and country could not survive without Jews. 1.00

00:28:22.000 Medicine, science, the arts... 1.00

00:28:26.000 We have given back more to this country.

00:28:29.000 You?

00:28:30.000 You're a part of that?

00:28:31.000 Yes, I am. 0.79

00:28:32.000 I kill on stage every time. 0.91

00:28:33.000 Listen to me.

00:28:34.000 If you're in Ventura this weekend at the Ventura Harbor...

00:28:37.000 Oh, the Harbor Comedy Club?

00:28:38.000 Yeah, I'm there Friday.

00:28:38.000 I heard it's a great place.

00:28:39.000 Friday through Sunday.

00:28:41.000 I heard they have top-notch comedians there.

00:28:42.000 I'm there this week.

00:28:43.000 You're there this week!

00:28:44.000 I don't fail. 0.97

00:28:45.000 Okay, a word or two might get messed up, but you'll know what I'm saying, but I'm not going to fucking fail. 0.97

00:28:51.000 So, Jews have given back to society. 0.93

00:28:54.000 We've won more Nobel Prizes percentage for science and medicine than anybody else.

00:29:01.000 That's true.

00:29:02.000 European Jews.

00:29:03.000 They're like number one when it comes to Nobel Prizes for science.

00:29:06.000 These phones right here, where do you think that technology came from?

00:29:09.000 LSD. Koreans. 0.98

00:29:11.000 Jews.

00:29:12.000 Jews.

00:29:12.000 No, no, they're Chinese people and Steve Jobs.

00:29:14.000 He did acid.

00:29:15.000 Steve Wozniak.

00:29:17.000 He was the genius behind it all.

00:29:19.000 Is he Jewish?

00:29:20.000 No, no.

00:29:21.000 They're the ones who throw the technology in them. 0.89

00:29:24.000 Oh.

00:29:25.000 Jews? 0.60

00:29:26.000 Yes.

00:29:26.000 Are you sure?

00:29:27.000 Yes.

00:29:27.000 Do you know what he's talking about?

00:29:28.000 There's part of the phone right here to hear Jews.

00:29:32.000 Okay?

00:29:33.000 Three-fifths of this phone.

00:29:34.000 That's the part where the notifications pop up.

00:29:36.000 Right here, this area.

00:29:38.000 We're Asian, okay?

00:29:39.000 Asian?

00:29:39.000 Yeah.

00:29:40.000 Okay.

00:29:41.000 This area right here down in the bottom corner?

00:29:43.000 Mm-hmm.

00:29:44.000 You know.

00:29:44.000 Italians.

00:29:45.000 My people don't contribute shit. 1.00

00:29:47.000 Yes, you do. 1.00

00:29:47.000 I'll never buy a Ferrari, ever. 1.00

00:29:49.000 The fucking tires will fly off on the highway. 1.00

00:29:51.000 You guys are great. 1.00

00:29:52.000 My people don't pay attention.

00:29:53.000 Construction?

00:29:53.000 What, are you kidding me?

00:29:54.000 You run the construction?

00:29:55.000 Maybe.

00:29:56.000 Barely.

00:29:56.000 Artistic stuff, but nothing engineering-wise.

00:29:59.000 I don't trust them.

00:30:01.000 You know, Italians, I've got to admit, they've had it a lot.

00:30:05.000 I'm not impressed.

00:30:06.000 Oh, you're not?

00:30:07.000 I'm not impressed with my own people.

00:30:08.000 I don't know.

00:30:10.000 You didn't see Boardwalk Empire?

00:30:11.000 I did.

00:30:12.000 I saw a little bit of it.

00:30:15.000 I think that when it comes to technology, the people that I'm most impressed with are the Japanese and the Germans. 0.99

00:30:20.000 The Japanese and the Germans seem to, especially when it comes to engineering, like cars, automotive engineering, It's hard to fuck with those two people. 1.00

00:30:28.000 The Japanese and the Germans, like, that's it. 0.99

00:30:31.000 You know, Americans are like a third now. 0.99

00:30:34.000 Americans, like, the new American cars are pretty fucking good. 0.93

00:30:38.000 Like, have you seen those new Cadillacs that look like spaceships? 0.98

00:30:41.000 CTSVs? 0.99

00:30:42.000 Fucking beautiful, man. 0.99

00:30:43.000 I mean, they finally nailed it. 0.99

00:30:45.000 Like, I drove one of those Escalades, I rented an Escalade, It's amazing. 0.98

00:30:49.000 The new one is fucking fantastic. 0.94

00:30:51.000 It is a great car. 0.99

00:30:53.000 It handles like a much smaller car.

00:30:56.000 I mean, it's an enormous SUV, but they have this magnetic control suspension, and it handles like an S-Class Mercedes.

00:31:04.000 It's incredible.

00:31:05.000 The entire dashboard is a screen.

00:31:08.000 The dashboard is like a laptop.

00:31:10.000 There's no real gauges.

00:31:13.000 It's a laptop screen.

00:31:14.000 It's an LCD screen.

00:31:16.000 Very nice.

00:31:16.000 That seems like also a bad idea in some ways, doesn't it?

00:31:18.000 No, it's great.

00:31:18.000 You know what else is great?

00:31:19.000 The navigation system is fucking huge. 0.98

00:31:21.000 So you get this huge screen that's all your gauges, your gauge cluster, it's all LCDs, and then to the right, the navigation screen is fucking massive. 0.98

00:31:30.000 How much does that start off at?

00:31:31.000 They're expensive.

00:31:32.000 And if it's really daylight, can you not see?

00:31:35.000 No, it goes dim.

00:31:37.000 It has a light sensor in it.

00:31:38.000 So it turns dark.

00:31:40.000 It turns black when it's at nighttime, and it turns white when it's at daytime.

00:31:43.000 That's what it looks like.

00:31:45.000 Look at that.

00:31:46.000 See that LCD cluster there?

00:31:47.000 That is all one big screen. 0.94

00:31:50.000 Like all that shit you see where it's two gauges, it's not really two gauges. 0.93

00:31:54.000 That's all one flat screen, and so is the thing to the right, the navigation screen. 0.98

00:32:00.000 I was very impressed.

00:32:01.000 Why is there a face right there? 0.99

00:32:02.000 That's someone's tits. 1.00

00:32:04.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:32:05.000 It's probably someone calling you or something.

00:32:06.000 I would totally buy one of those.

00:32:08.000 You know, I have the Lexus, that big Lexus SUV, which I love, but I would definitely buy one of these Cadillacs.

00:32:13.000 You know, it's so funny.

00:32:14.000 I have two German cars, but I don't have navigation in them.

00:32:19.000 What?

00:32:20.000 Well, I have a 2013 Mercedes.

00:32:23.000 No navigation.

00:32:24.000 But I have...

00:32:25.000 You know what's funny?

00:32:26.000 I have a Garmin or whatever, but you can tell it's getting old.

00:32:29.000 And this isn't a bit.

00:32:30.000 This is true, but it will be a bit as of this weekend.

00:32:35.000 When she talks to me, she's breaking up.

00:32:38.000 It's like she's getting old and dying, the voice in my Garmin.

00:32:42.000 Like, she'll go, make a turn, exit, and then it'll stop.

00:32:46.000 And she'll stop talking.

00:32:48.000 And then it'll pick up again.

00:32:50.000 And I feel like the whole thing is she's dying.

00:32:53.000 Whoever the lady is, you know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:32:56.000 Right. 0.99

00:32:56.000 It's so outdated that the fucking, you could feel, I have to put it to rest. 0.99

00:33:02.000 And get a car with navigation in it. 0.99

00:33:05.000 You know what the problem is? 0.99

00:33:05.000 All of them can't fuck with this. 0.99

00:33:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:07.000 This is the best. 1.00

00:33:08.000 When I Google something, I want to know what it is, and then it says directions, and I press directions, and it goes Bluetooth through my stereo.

00:33:16.000 Oh, Waze, man, with the police?

00:33:17.000 Like, you know when the police are up ahead?

00:33:19.000 Do you know the police are using Waze, and they're faking police stops?

00:33:23.000 Yeah. 0.90

00:33:23.000 They're calling in fake ones to Waze just to fuck with the whole system? 0.90

00:33:27.000 Yeah. 0.95

00:33:27.000 Well, I haven't used this yet. 0.95

00:33:30.000 It eats up a lot of data, doesn't it?

00:33:33.000 I guess so.

00:33:34.000 I don't know.

00:33:35.000 It doesn't?

00:33:36.000 What, are you worried about your data?

00:33:38.000 Yeah, switch to T-Mobile.

00:33:40.000 Cutting on your prices down at the Ventura?

00:33:41.000 Well, let me explain something to you, okay? 1.00

00:33:44.000 I have three fucking kids. 1.00

00:33:46.000 Two of them else are on my phone. 1.00

00:33:49.000 Okay, two older daughters that I have to cut loose. 1.00

00:33:52.000 How old are they?

00:33:53.000 24 and 22. They're still on your plan?

00:33:55.000 Yes.

00:33:58.000 I know. 0.99

00:33:59.000 Cut them loose. 1.00

00:34:00.000 Get a fucking job, kid. 1.00

00:34:01.000 No, my daughter, 22 years old, just moved to Houston, called me last week, 22. I just got hired starting at $50,000 a year. 1.00

00:34:11.000 That's pretty fucking good for a 22-year-old, isn't it? 0.89

00:34:13.000 In Houston, in New York. 0.99

00:34:15.000 What does she do for a living? 1.00

00:34:15.000 Huh? 1.00

00:34:16.000 She's a buyer for clothing. 0.99

00:34:20.000 My other daughter graduated.

00:34:22.000 For 22, that's a great gig. 0.99

00:34:24.000 That's fucking a real good gig. 0.98

00:34:27.000 I'll put her on my family plan. 0.99

00:34:29.000 Give me her a number. 1.00

00:34:32.000 I'd rather give her a number to Farrakhan than give it to you.

00:34:37.000 Seriously, if you're concerned about data, as an example, I just switched over to T-Mobile.

00:34:42.000 $100 a month, you could have up to five phones and unlimited everything, data, everything.

00:34:46.000 You could have up to five phones on it.

00:34:48.000 That's pretty amazing.

00:34:49.000 On what, T-Mobile?

00:34:50.000 T-Mobile, and it's got the best network, at least in Los Angeles, it's the best network.

00:34:54.000 Way better than Verizon.

00:34:55.000 Better than Verizon as far as phone calls?

00:34:58.000 I've had both Verizon, AT&T, and Sprint compared to T-Mobile in the last six months.

00:35:04.000 And Verizon actually was the worst where I lived in Los Angeles.

00:35:07.000 It might just be where you live.

00:35:09.000 And that's important.

00:35:10.000 You've got to find out where you live.

00:35:11.000 I used to live in a spot where I could only use AT&T. AT&T was the only thing that worked in my house.

00:35:17.000 Comedy store, Verizon, was almost zero bars.

00:35:22.000 On T-Mobile, it's like 30 upload.

00:35:25.000 Well, that doesn't make any sense, because I use the Verizon at the Comedy Store all the time, and it works perfect.

00:35:30.000 Yeah, I'll do a speed test with you tonight or tomorrow.

00:35:32.000 With a download test?

00:35:33.000 Download and upload.

00:35:34.000 It's amazing.

00:35:35.000 Maybe that, but as far as phone calls, which is all I use it for, other than occasionally I do Periscope from there, which I like doing now.

00:35:43.000 It's fun.

00:35:44.000 Yeah, but this phone, I bought this iPhone 6. I bought it through Verizon, not through Apple.

00:35:50.000 You just take that phone in.

00:35:50.000 They'll buy it from you.

00:35:52.000 They'll pay your contract charge.

00:35:54.000 They'll pay me off.

00:35:55.000 They'll get me...

00:35:56.000 Because once you're, you know... 0.95

00:35:57.000 I mean, I'm fucking locked in with Verizon... 0.95

00:36:00.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

00:36:01.000 It's just some gangster shit they're doing. 0.99

00:36:03.000 They'll pay all the contracts and everything off. 0.99

00:36:04.000 Just to get you out of it?

00:36:06.000 They're losing money like crazy, but this new president that T-Mobile has, he's an amazing guy.

00:36:12.000 Dude, I've made fun of T-Mobile my whole entire life.

00:36:15.000 It was the best switch I've ever made.

00:36:17.000 Now you're saying it's unlimited data.

00:36:19.000 Unlimited everything.

00:36:20.000 How long before they have it where it's like in China?

00:36:23.000 In China, you could be in the middle of the forest and you get five bars. 0.61

00:36:26.000 They say that it's unbelievable.

00:36:27.000 Like, they have the best cell phone signals everywhere.

00:36:29.000 Is that 5G? I don't know what they have.

00:36:31.000 5G is about to come out.

00:36:32.000 Is it really?

00:36:33.000 Yeah.

00:36:33.000 When is that coming out?

00:36:34.000 The next three years, I think is what they're saying.

00:36:36.000 What is that going to be like?

00:36:38.000 Instant.

00:36:38.000 Crazy fast.

00:36:39.000 Like, yeah, super stupid fast. 1.00

00:36:39.000 Instant movies. 1.00

00:36:40.000 Yeah.

00:36:41.000 Yeah.

00:36:41.000 HD, 4K. Like, as you're taking off, you go, oh, I need this movie.

00:36:45.000 And before it hits the air...

00:36:46.000 Yep.

00:36:47.000 You have the movie.

00:36:48.000 It's awesome.

00:36:49.000 I love this phone.

00:36:50.000 It's a great phone.

00:36:51.000 I love this phone.

00:36:52.000 It's a great phone.

00:36:52.000 The top-end phones now, like the Samsung, the Galaxy S6, and the iPhone 6, they're amazing.

00:36:59.000 It's hard to complain. 0.99

00:37:00.000 Fucking Skyping with my kids. 0.99

00:37:02.000 Yeah, it's amazing. 0.99

00:37:03.000 It's just amazing, this stuff.

00:37:05.000 What is that?

00:37:06.000 How fast?

00:37:06.000 10 gigabytes per second, so 10 gigs per second.

00:37:10.000 Oh my god, that's insane!

00:37:12.000 Oh my god.

00:37:14.000 Fast enough to deliver a full-length HD movie on your phone in a matter of seconds.

00:37:18.000 10 times faster than Google Fiber and 40 times faster than 4G. That is fucking incredible. 0.98

00:37:25.000 10 times faster than Google Fiber is mind-blowing. 0.99

00:37:28.000 Yeah.

00:37:29.000 Well, you know what?

00:37:29.000 We're probably going to wind up doing the podcast through that.

00:37:33.000 Oh yeah.

00:37:33.000 Once it's up.

00:37:35.000 We'll probably wind up doing that.

00:37:36.000 And when you start using that, thank the Jews.

00:37:40.000 The Jews. 0.64

00:37:41.000 I guarantee it's like a Korean dude who created that. 0.99

00:37:44.000 Let's find out.

00:37:45.000 Jamie, get on it.

00:37:46.000 Nokia.

00:37:47.000 Korea.

00:37:47.000 No, that's like Sweden, isn't it?

00:37:50.000 Nokia.

00:37:50.000 Nokia is European.

00:37:51.000 Might be Jews. 0.98

00:37:51.000 The ringtone sounds Jewish. 0.98

00:37:52.000 Might be the Jews. 1.00

00:37:53.000 Might be the Jews if it's Nokia. 1.00

00:37:55.000 I think Nokia is a European company.

00:37:59.000 What is Nokia?

00:38:00.000 Find out.

00:38:01.000 I'm pretty sure.

00:38:03.000 What is Nokia?

00:38:04.000 But Nokia sounds Japanese.

00:38:06.000 It's a Finnish.

00:38:08.000 Finnish.

00:38:09.000 Sounds Japanese though, right? 0.71

00:38:11.000 Nokia.

00:38:12.000 Hi!

00:38:12.000 What, Nokia?

00:38:15.000 Yeah.

00:38:15.000 Finnish.

00:38:16.000 Whatever Finnish is.

00:38:17.000 From Finland.

00:38:18.000 No Jews in Finland. 0.73

00:38:19.000 They hide. 0.56

00:38:19.000 They run from Finland. 0.56

00:38:20.000 They're all Vikings up there. 1.00

00:38:22.000 Do you fucking watch the Americans? 1.00

00:38:25.000 The Russians are kidnapped. 1.00

00:38:26.000 You and everything Voss is like, didn't you see Trading Places?

00:38:31.000 Don't you watch the Americans?

00:38:33.000 Okay.

00:38:35.000 You learn.

00:38:35.000 I'm telling you.

00:38:36.000 You learn from the TV box.

00:38:39.000 That's how it works. 0.99

00:38:41.000 It's a fucking rapid ascension to grace or whatever it is. 0.99

00:38:47.000 Rapid discrimination. 0.99

00:38:49.000 Here's what Joe Rogan started, and he didn't even know he started this.

00:38:56.000 We're doing our podcast, Bonnie and I. And I don't know if we got a tweet or a message that Rogan...

00:39:04.000 And we look up, we respect you, we like you, we think you're great, and, you know, we're big fans.

00:39:11.000 But...

00:39:11.000 No, no, no, no, that's the...

00:39:14.000 No, the but is what you did.

00:39:16.000 And there's no reason for us to even worry about this, but when we heard Rogan...

00:39:33.000 I'm sorry.

00:39:41.000 I've never met them.

00:39:42.000 I hear his name and her name.

00:39:44.000 I never heard them.

00:39:45.000 I never heard their podcast.

00:39:46.000 But Bonnie and I, we put it out there.

00:39:49.000 If you listen to our podcast, it's a long thing.

00:39:52.000 Tom and Christine cease and desist.

00:39:56.000 Stop.

00:39:57.000 We were the first, but then we looked into it.

00:39:59.000 They did their podcast before ours.

00:40:01.000 But we challenged everybody.

00:40:03.000 Any comedy couple to tennis.

00:40:05.000 Okay, that's not comedy, though.

00:40:07.000 I didn't say they were the best tennis comedy couple.

00:40:10.000 Well, I mean, I don't believe in competing.

00:40:13.000 How about wrestle them?

00:40:13.000 No, tennis.

00:40:14.000 How about let's have an oil wrestle match? 0.96

00:40:15.000 Tennis, you know, and we said, you know, we will play them in tennis.

00:40:20.000 Who's better at Monopoly?

00:40:20.000 Roast battle.

00:40:21.000 Roast battle.

00:40:22.000 Oh, yeah.

00:40:25.000 There we go.

00:40:26.000 Double team roast battle.

00:40:27.000 I don't even know them, but I'm going to tell you right now, they don't want to get involved in a roast battle with Rich Voss and Bonnie McFarlane.

00:40:35.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:40:36.000 I'm telling you, man.

00:40:37.000 I'll do it in their house.

00:40:39.000 Look, you are a very funny comic, and so is Bonnie, and so are they. 0.92

00:40:45.000 I haven't seen Bonnie do stand-up in a long time, but Bonnie is fucking hilarious. 0.98

00:40:49.000 She's brilliant. 0.94

00:40:49.000 She's a very funny comic. 0.94

00:40:51.000 And your movie that you did, we should plug that movie because it's fucking awesome.

00:40:54.000 Okay. 0.99

00:40:54.000 Women aren't funny. 0.99

00:40:56.000 It's great. 1.00

00:40:57.000 It's fucking great. 0.99

00:40:58.000 It's really great. 0.99

00:40:59.000 And you can get it on iTunes. 0.91

00:41:00.000 It's out there right now and you should get it to support it because Bonnie edited that whole fucking thing herself. 0.99

00:41:05.000 She directed it and edited it. 0.99

00:41:07.000 She's a monster. 1.00

00:41:08.000 She knocked it out of the park. 0.96

00:41:10.000 But I'm just, I'm around Tom and Christina on a regular basis.

00:41:14.000 If I was around you guys, I'd probably maybe say the same thing about you guys, but I'm around them all the time.

00:41:18.000 I'm telling you, Christina Pazitzky murdered at the Comedy Store last week so hard.

00:41:24.000 It was painful to watch.

00:41:26.000 It wasn't last week, because last week I was in Vegas, so it had to be the weekend before. 0.99

00:41:31.000 She fucking destroyed. 0.98

00:41:32.000 I mean leveled the place. 0.99

00:41:35.000 And she said afterwards, she goes, I'm finally starting to get this room.

00:41:39.000 She had a late spot.

00:41:41.000 And it was a long show.

00:41:43.000 She actually went on after me.

00:41:45.000 I brought her up. 1.00

00:41:46.000 She fucking murdered, dude. 1.00

00:41:47.000 She's really good. 1.00

00:41:48.000 I'm not saying stand-up.

00:41:51.000 I've heard nothing good about her.

00:41:53.000 Well, that's all I've said.

00:41:55.000 What you're saying, but I'm talking podcast.

00:41:57.000 Has he ever made her cry and walk off the podcast?

00:42:00.000 No, they have a really good relationship.

00:42:02.000 It's very different than yours.

00:42:04.000 Yeah.

00:42:04.000 Okay.

00:42:05.000 All right.

00:42:06.000 Has she ever blown him on their podcast?

00:42:10.000 Probably.

00:42:11.000 I don't know.

00:42:12.000 Maybe.

00:42:13.000 Has Bonnie blown you while you guys were doing a podcast?

00:42:15.000 Of course.

00:42:15.000 Yes.

00:42:16.000 We'll do anything for hits.

00:42:17.000 Yes.

00:42:18.000 Yes.

00:42:19.000 That's what we're about.

00:42:20.000 Did you get hard or only like three quarters?

00:42:23.000 You know what's the worst? 1.00

00:42:24.000 When you're fucking jerking off and you're not really hard and you cum and you're going, how the fuck did I cum and I'm not even hard? 1.00

00:42:31.000 I'm just getting old. 1.00

00:42:33.000 It's also just disinterested because I did it once when I was 23. Bonnie says...

00:42:42.000 Bonnie says every year she gives me one extra second.

00:42:45.000 This is so funny.

00:42:47.000 I could do anything with a girl.

00:42:49.000 So I'm up to nine seconds.

00:42:51.000 We've been married nine years, right?

00:42:55.000 So I have nine seconds where I can do anything I want with a girl for nine seconds. 1.00

00:42:59.000 So you can fuck a girl for nine seconds. 1.00

00:43:00.000 Are you going to hang on for 20? 1.00

00:43:02.000 For the 20 year anniversary?

00:43:03.000 Yeah.

00:43:04.000 The other day...

00:43:06.000 The other day she blew me and I came so quick and she started, she said, I'm starting to rethink that whole nine second thing. 1.00

00:43:16.000 Isn't it funny that if a girl just puts your dick in her mouth, that's not as bad as if you cum. 1.00

00:43:23.000 If you come, then it's like you've finalized the agreement. 1.00

00:43:26.000 You've signed the mortgage papers.

00:43:28.000 It's great. 1.00

00:43:30.000 It's a human car wash for your dick. 1.00

00:43:33.000 Not only does it feel good, you're getting your dick cleaned as she's blowing you with her fucking mouth. 1.00

00:43:38.000 That's one way to look at it. 1.00

00:43:39.000 But what I was saying is, it's weird that she's concerned not just that a girl's blowing you, because a girl is still blowing you for the nine seconds, but that you came. 0.97

00:43:49.000 Like, that's the issue, that you cum. 0.97

00:43:51.000 Like, if you didn't cum, it wouldn't be as bad. 0.98

00:43:52.000 Like, if a girl blows you for nine seconds, time's up, oh, I was so close. 0.99

00:43:56.000 Like, that's better. 1.00

00:43:57.000 But if a girl sucks your dick and you're like, Yahoo! 1.00

00:44:01.000 Well, here's what I would do. 1.00

00:44:02.000 If I ever use this nine-second rule, obviously I would jerk off until the point of entry. 0.93

00:44:08.000 Now do it. 0.99

00:44:09.000 Now do it for nine seconds, and then I'd fucking explode. 0.99

00:44:12.000 But you would have a lot of pressure. 0.99

00:44:13.000 I mean, you might not.

00:44:15.000 There's no pressure for me when it comes to coming.

00:44:16.000 There's none. 0.99

00:44:17.000 I'm going to fucking bust the... 1.00

00:44:18.000 I am the most disappointing person when it comes to sex. 1.00

00:44:22.000 I am fucking the worst. 0.99

00:44:23.000 I bet there's a lot of dudes out there that are up in arms right now. 1.00

00:44:26.000 They'll tell you they're more disappointed than you.

00:44:28.000 No, I just...

00:44:29.000 Because when you get...

00:44:31.000 You know, you don't do it for so long when you're married.

00:44:33.000 You know, two weeks, three weeks, whatever.

00:44:35.000 You know, we'd rather...

00:44:36.000 You know, do you want to do it?

00:44:37.000 Eh, let's get a snack.

00:44:39.000 Whatever.

00:44:39.000 You know what I mean.

00:44:40.000 Right.

00:44:41.000 And it's just not...

00:44:41.000 We don't love each other.

00:44:42.000 Just, yeah, what the fuck? 1.00

00:44:43.000 So then it builds up. 1.00

00:44:45.000 You know the fucking buildup. 1.00

00:44:46.000 Mm-hmm. 1.00

00:44:47.000 You know, and then, you know, I just go, tell me one dumb story of you fucking a professor or anything. 1.00

00:44:52.000 And then I... Boom. 1.00

00:44:53.000 Boom.

00:44:53.000 What do you think you're going to use your nine seconds on?

00:44:56.000 Have you got to pick the girl? 0.52

00:44:57.000 Are you going to go old and black? 0.96

00:44:58.000 Are you going to go young and red?

00:45:01.000 He's got to be uncut.

00:45:03.000 I mean cut.

00:45:07.000 Ethiopian.

00:45:08.000 A bushman. 1.00

00:45:10.000 Leaves over his dick. 1.00

00:45:12.000 Put the spear down and suck it. 1.00

00:45:14.000 The best way for fucking for me, and I don't know how I got this, is from behind. 1.00

00:45:21.000 That's your best way? 1.00

00:45:22.000 Yeah, well, you don't come as quick.

00:45:23.000 You don't have to look at the person.

00:45:24.000 You know, it's just...

00:45:25.000 It's kind of like...

00:45:27.000 It's a good...

00:45:28.000 More animalistic? 1.00

00:45:29.000 Yeah, it's more fucking... 1.00

00:45:30.000 It's more control. 1.00

00:45:32.000 You can imagine it's a guy.

00:45:33.000 Huh?

00:45:33.000 You can imagine it's a guy.

00:45:35.000 Nah, let's not get crazy.

00:45:36.000 I'm not Norton.

00:45:38.000 So...

00:45:39.000 Whatever.

00:45:40.000 So we hear this thing that you say about Tom and Christian.

00:45:44.000 We don't know them.

00:45:44.000 So you want to play tennis against them?

00:45:46.000 Well, now I'm starting to think about this roast battle.

00:45:50.000 I'm kind of liking that other idea of the roast battle.

00:45:53.000 That'd be great.

00:45:54.000 Double team?

00:45:57.000 It'd be great as long as you can pick the judges.

00:46:00.000 Roast Battle is very dependent upon judges.

00:46:03.000 You gotta make sure you get actual comics as judges.

00:46:05.000 Not some friend of someone that sneaks on or someone that's grandfathered in.

00:46:10.000 You gotta make sure you get good comics.

00:46:12.000 That's a big part of Roast Battle. 0.73

00:46:14.000 Make sure you get good judges.

00:46:16.000 I went the other night to the store and Jeff goes, do you want to help?

00:46:20.000 Jeff's perfect at it. 0.99

00:46:21.000 It's a goddamn great show. 0.99

00:46:23.000 When they do that Roast Battle, when those guys jump up, when someone nails somebody, those guys jump up and do their dances. 0.99

00:46:29.000 Oh my God.

00:46:31.000 They had a suicide bomb once where the guy had a vest on, pressed a button, some things flew up.

00:46:37.000 They got confetti that flies through the air. 1.00

00:46:38.000 I mean, they do some wild shit. 1.00

00:46:41.000 It's a great goddamn show. 1.00

00:46:42.000 It's a good idea. 0.99

00:46:43.000 It's very funny.

00:46:44.000 But they've had people write articles about it, negative articles about it, because they'll say anything.

00:46:51.000 All bets are off. 0.99

00:46:52.000 It is the fucking nastiest show in Hollywood. 1.00

00:46:55.000 But that's what you know going in. 1.00

00:46:58.000 It is fiction. 1.00

00:47:01.000 Part of comedy sometimes is saying really low, fucked up, racist, homophobic, sexist shit. 1.00

00:47:10.000 Including whites to blacks, blacks to whites, women to men. 1.00

00:47:15.000 It's the most hurtful, cutting shit you can say. 1.00

00:47:19.000 And everybody knows what you're doing. 1.00

00:47:20.000 Everybody knows that's the jokes.

00:47:22.000 That's how Roaster's set up. 0.98

00:47:25.000 And they even had the racist guy in the corner.

00:47:27.000 They have a white table.

00:47:29.000 What's his name?

00:47:31.000 Earl.

00:47:31.000 What's Earl's last name?

00:47:34.000 Hilarious comics.

00:47:35.000 This guy is funny.

00:47:36.000 They're playing characters.

00:47:36.000 They're playing racist characters.

00:47:38.000 But people have complained about it and wrote blogs about it. 1.00

00:47:41.000 We should find who those fucking people are and ban them from every comedy club in the country. 1.00

00:47:45.000 Just fuck you. 1.00

00:47:46.000 How can you not get it? 1.00

00:47:48.000 How can you not get it?

00:47:49.000 Well, how can you pretend that what that is is, you know, that these are real statements?

00:47:54.000 Look, the Comedy Central roasts, some of the most vile things are said.

00:47:58.000 But just because it's Comedy Central, they can get away.

00:48:01.000 And I'm for it.

00:48:02.000 Listen, Comedy Central roasts, take that, multiply it by five, and that's roast battle.

00:48:07.000 Like, literally.

00:48:08.000 The next one's going to be amazing.

00:48:09.000 It's Kimberly Condon versus PDC. Pete's going down.

00:48:13.000 I don't know.

00:48:14.000 Pete's in deep trouble.

00:48:15.000 Kim's 4-0, and I think Pete might be 1-5 or something.

00:48:19.000 Pete's a monster.

00:48:21.000 1-5 means he won one time and lost five times. 0.55

00:48:23.000 5-1, I mean.

00:48:24.000 Yes.

00:48:24.000 That's a numbers game.

00:48:25.000 It's not a good statistic.

00:48:26.000 People don't understand sports.

00:48:28.000 I give it all quotes.

00:48:29.000 I'm like, wait, what?

00:48:30.000 Put it all on the team.

00:48:33.000 The two guys the other night, they both were, I think, 4-0.

00:48:37.000 That's the first time I've ever went to it.

00:48:39.000 One was Indian and one was some sloth. 1.00

00:48:43.000 Sloth? 0.96

00:48:43.000 I mean, just big. 0.96

00:48:44.000 Big fat guy?

00:48:45.000 But he was fun.

00:48:46.000 They had some great lines.

00:48:47.000 Were you there?

00:48:48.000 I watched it on Periscope. 0.99

00:48:51.000 They had some good fucking lines. 0.99

00:48:53.000 It's a joke writing thing. 0.99

00:48:56.000 I mean, that's really what it is.

00:48:56.000 It's a great show, though.

00:48:58.000 It's perfect length.

00:48:59.000 You go, it's like an hour long.

00:49:00.000 It's amazing.

00:49:02.000 It was a lot of fun.

00:49:03.000 The comedy store...

00:49:04.000 It is on fire right now.

00:49:06.000 Last night, okay? 0.99

00:49:08.000 Last night there was two shows, two sold-out shows in the fucking belly room. 0.99

00:49:12.000 We do this, um... 0.99

00:49:14.000 We just started doing this.

00:49:15.000 Nick Youssef and I started doing this new material show. 0.99

00:49:18.000 When you go up there, you have to do all your new shit. 0.97

00:49:21.000 Like, you can't do any established jokes. 0.98

00:49:23.000 If you've done a bit more than, like, I think we came up with a number, like, five to seven times.

00:49:27.000 It's like, after that amount, like, it's over.

00:49:29.000 Like, you can't do it anymore.

00:49:30.000 It's not new.

00:49:31.000 You know?

00:49:32.000 And...

00:49:33.000 We had all these comics go up, did that.

00:49:35.000 That was sold out.

00:49:36.000 Then there was a dollar show.

00:49:38.000 One dollar to get in.

00:49:39.000 And it was like a doorman, all the doorman put together.

00:49:41.000 That was sold out too.

00:49:43.000 D'Elia did that show.

00:49:44.000 Then I go over to the main room and Bill Burr, Magical, Bert Kreischer, I went up there.

00:49:51.000 That was sold out too.

00:49:52.000 That was last night?

00:49:53.000 Yeah, that was packed.

00:49:54.000 At the same time, the ORs got a show. 1.00

00:49:56.000 At the same fucking time. 0.99

00:49:58.000 And that's packed. 1.00

00:49:59.000 It was madness.

00:50:00.000 That's how that place it should have been for like the last 20 years.

00:50:03.000 You walked in last night, it was just magical. 1.00

00:50:05.000 They got rid of the shit manager. 1.00

00:50:07.000 They got rid of the shit manager and exploded. 1.00

00:50:10.000 It had just flourished. 1.00

00:50:11.000 But how does a manager completely...

00:50:13.000 Because he was deaf. 0.69

00:50:14.000 He was death. 0.87

00:50:15.000 He was just AIDS. He was Ebola.

00:50:16.000 He was all the above. 1.00

00:50:17.000 He was a shit sandwich served to you on a fucking dog dick platter. 1.00

00:50:22.000 It was the worst. 1.00

00:50:23.000 Everybody avoided the guy.

00:50:26.000 Kreischer was there last night for the first time in ten years.

00:50:29.000 He goes, I'm never there because of that guy.

00:50:31.000 The guy who used to be the manager. 0.97

00:50:33.000 And now they've got Eric, and they've got Adam from the Tempe Improv, and it's fucking fantastic.

00:50:38.000 Next Wednesday, I got Dane Cook on a show, which is crazy, because Dane grew up with the Laugh Factory and never went to that comedy store.

00:50:45.000 It's even more crazy that you got him on.

00:50:46.000 There's a lot of crazy things in this world.

00:50:48.000 Last night, I went out to improv.

00:50:51.000 That place was packed.

00:50:52.000 Hopping.

00:50:52.000 Comedy right now, we were talking about this, that comedy is probably right now in the golden age.

00:50:58.000 I think this is the golden age of stand-up comedy.

00:51:00.000 You know, I mean, last night at the fucking store, that show they did in the main room between Magical and Kreischer and Bill Burr was hosting it. 1.00

00:51:09.000 It's a monster fucking show. 0.99

00:51:11.000 And I'm thinking about this. 1.00

00:51:12.000 I'm like, look at how many great comics there are today.

00:51:15.000 It's amazing.

00:51:16.000 It's such a great time to watch comedy.

00:51:19.000 It's an amazing time.

00:51:21.000 It is.

00:51:21.000 There's so many...

00:51:23.000 Good, great comics.

00:51:24.000 And it's New York and L.A. are like the two hubs.

00:51:27.000 That's like the big epicenters.

00:51:28.000 Yeah, I mean, you go in New York and there'll be a lineup and you're like, whoa, you know what I mean?

00:51:32.000 Yeah, like you look at the stand.

00:51:33.000 I looked at the stand lineup. 1.00

00:51:35.000 It was DePaulo and Ari and a bunch of other fucking killers. 0.99

00:51:39.000 It's like you're getting this, like in these two places especially. 1.00

00:51:43.000 And other states can do it.

00:51:45.000 You know, like Boston, of course, used to have it.

00:51:47.000 Doesn't really have it anymore, but it could come back. 0.94

00:51:50.000 Well, Boston used to be fucking, when they had all those, Rogerson and Tingle and fucking Gavin and Lenny and, you know, what's his name, Kevin Knox. 0.99

00:52:01.000 I mean, it was just fucking murder. 1.00

00:52:06.000 Steve Sweeney, monsters. 1.00

00:52:08.000 Don Gavin, monsters.

00:52:09.000 I've never seen somebody kill like I've seen Gavin and Sweeney kill back then, or Rogerson.

00:52:14.000 People don't know.

00:52:15.000 They weren't there back then.

00:52:17.000 Those guys, man, they existed in a bubble, and they never left.

00:52:21.000 They never left town. 1.00

00:52:22.000 And because they never left town, they fucked themselves. 1.00

00:52:24.000 They never developed a draw on the road. 1.00

00:52:26.000 You gotta go to a place, and you gotta go to a place once, and then you gotta come.

00:52:30.000 Then people go, oh, Rich Voss is back, and then again. 0.98

00:52:33.000 And it takes fucking years to develop a crowd, you know? 0.98

00:52:38.000 Also, too, those guys in Boston made so much fucking money, they didn't have to leave, too. 0.99

00:52:42.000 Also, they got paid in Coke. 0.98

00:52:44.000 I was doing Coke back when I used to go up there.

00:52:46.000 That was part of the problem.

00:52:47.000 There was a lot of Coke up there. 0.99

00:52:49.000 There was a lot of fucking Coke back there. 0.99

00:52:50.000 It's hard to get paid in Coke in Oregon. 0.99

00:52:52.000 Like, what am I doing here with this check? 0.99

00:52:54.000 I did a fucking... 0.99

00:52:55.000 I did a show at a one-nighter in Scranton. 1.00

00:52:58.000 It was me and Sandler.

00:53:00.000 He was middling, and it was a one-nighter, and the owner took us in the back, and I guess...

00:53:07.000 He was getting 70 and maybe I was getting 90 or 68, whatever.

00:53:12.000 Right. 0.99

00:53:12.000 So the owner pulls out this fucking, I mean, and says, you guys want any, you want Coke and share your money? 0.99

00:53:17.000 And Adam said, no. 1.00

00:53:18.000 I said, fuck yeah. 1.00

00:53:20.000 Right? 1.00

00:53:20.000 I probably got two and a half grand. 1.00

00:53:22.000 I got double the money in Coke, you know, at least.

00:53:27.000 Did you go sell the Coke or did you just do it?

00:53:29.000 Did I sell it?

00:53:30.000 I had intentions to sell it.

00:53:33.000 I had intentions to sell it.

00:53:36.000 Yes, like all the other times I had big, big bags of coke.

00:53:41.000 Did you ever cut coke?

00:53:42.000 Did you ever take coke and cut it with like...

00:53:44.000 Yeah, I had...

00:53:46.000 Oh man, this is...

00:53:48.000 I'll tell you this story.

00:53:49.000 This dude came up from Florida, a friend of ours, and he brought three ounces. 0.99

00:53:55.000 I'm talking fucking some of the best coke ever. 0.99

00:53:59.000 How big is an ounce of coke? 1.00

00:54:00.000 It's 28 grams.

00:54:02.000 No, it's 28. No, it's 28. 16 ounces a pound.

00:54:08.000 How many ounces is 28?

00:54:10.000 28 grams is an ounce.

00:54:13.000 Yeah, so I said 28. What's 21 grams of that movie where they say the soul weighs 21 grams?

00:54:21.000 Okay.

00:54:21.000 I might make a mistake on words.

00:54:23.000 You don't know grams. 0.88

00:54:24.000 I don't know.

00:54:25.000 Metric system?

00:54:27.000 Millimeter?

00:54:27.000 You can tell me.

00:54:29.000 Centimeter?

00:54:29.000 What is it?

00:54:30.000 Okay.

00:54:31.000 So, I mean, what does it look like?

00:54:33.000 I guess maybe this much.

00:54:34.000 It's like two of those, right?

00:54:36.000 An eight ball's that much Coke?

00:54:37.000 No, I don't know.

00:54:38.000 It's like a bag.

00:54:39.000 What are you doing?

00:54:40.000 In between your fingers?

00:54:41.000 Yeah.

00:54:41.000 Oh, okay.

00:54:42.000 Oh, that much?

00:54:43.000 Yeah.

00:54:43.000 That's a lot.

00:54:44.000 That seems like a lot.

00:54:45.000 Yeah, it's like an eight ball, right?

00:54:45.000 What are you talking about?

00:54:46.000 An eight ball.

00:54:47.000 An ounce or an eight ball?

00:54:48.000 Eight ball.

00:54:49.000 What's an eight ball?

00:54:50.000 It's three and a half grams.

00:54:52.000 Oh, wait.

00:54:52.000 Three and a half grams.

00:54:54.000 What are you showing us, Jamie?

00:54:55.000 Ounce of Coke.

00:54:56.000 Which one's an ounce?

00:54:58.000 I need a point of reference.

00:54:59.000 No, that's not.

00:55:00.000 That's a quarter.

00:55:00.000 What is that thing on the scale?

00:55:01.000 What does it say on the scale?

00:55:03.000 That's not an ounce.

00:55:03.000 The far right?

00:55:04.000 Far right?

00:55:05.000 What does that say?

00:55:06.000 Two ounces.

00:55:08.000 Two ounces.

00:55:09.000 Oh, okay, so anyhow.

00:55:10.000 Oh, there we go.

00:55:11.000 So you asked if I could go, wow, that's a lot.

00:55:13.000 That's a lot.

00:55:14.000 That's amazing.

00:55:15.000 Oh, God.

00:55:16.000 So you had two ounces of Coke.

00:55:17.000 No, my friend came up with three ounces to sell.

00:55:19.000 Three ounces.

00:55:20.000 Three ounces of, two or three ounces. 0.99

00:55:22.000 I mean, fucking as good as you can get. 1.00

00:55:24.000 Okay. 0.99

00:55:26.000 And my mother was gone for a weekend.

00:55:28.000 Somehow we were in my building.

00:55:30.000 And people are selling coke like it's crazy, right? 0.99

00:55:34.000 And smoking it, you know, just fucking freebasing and cooking. 0.99

00:55:37.000 He fell asleep. 0.99

00:55:39.000 He fell asleep.

00:55:40.000 I can tell you a couple of stories.

00:55:42.000 I'll tell you two other ones that are funny. 1.00

00:55:45.000 He fell asleep and I took his fucking coke. 0.99

00:55:49.000 No, I pulled it out from under where he had, and I took, you know, three and a half, an eighth out, and I put an eighth of lactose in, which you can't even tell the difference. 0.99

00:55:59.000 This Coke was so strong.

00:56:00.000 And, you know, I took like three and a half grams of his.

00:56:03.000 But...

00:56:04.000 Here's two funny stories.

00:56:06.000 One time, my friend said, get me an eighth of Coke, three and a half grams, and stick it under my door, and you could have a half a gram, whatever.

00:56:15.000 So I left three grams under his door.

00:56:19.000 Well, I did it.

00:56:21.000 I went back, smoked my half a gram.

00:56:24.000 I went back to his place, and I took a hanger, and I pulled it back out.

00:56:30.000 I made about five trips there.

00:56:37.000 So now here's another story. 0.99

00:56:41.000 This fucking guy, John, I was on the road doing comedy. 0.99

00:56:44.000 He hasn't seen me. 1.00

00:56:45.000 He goes, look, I haven't seen you in a while.

00:56:46.000 I'm going to buy an eighth of Coke.

00:56:48.000 Okay, so that's three and a half grams.

00:56:52.000 It cost him $250, right?

00:56:55.000 He goes, we're going to do a gram, which leaves two and a half grams left.

00:57:00.000 That he'll sell for $100, $150.

00:57:03.000 But he actually cut it in five half grams.

00:57:05.000 That'll sell five half grams to get his $250 back.

00:57:09.000 And we have a gram that we'll smoke together.

00:57:11.000 He goes, I haven't seen you.

00:57:13.000 I'll smoke.

00:57:13.000 So we smoked a gram.

00:57:15.000 There's two and a half grams left that he's going to sell to get his money back.

00:57:18.000 He falls asleep.

00:57:21.000 Okay?

00:57:22.000 I don't know how I found out where he hid it.

00:57:24.000 So I would go where he hid it and take a half a gram out.

00:57:30.000 That I would drive to the store and buy pneumonia.

00:57:36.000 Ammonia?

00:57:36.000 I don't know.

00:57:38.000 What is it?

00:57:38.000 Ammonia or pneumonia?

00:57:40.000 I don't want to fuck this up.

00:57:41.000 Ammonia.

00:57:42.000 Yeah.

00:57:43.000 And it had to be clear.

00:57:45.000 And I would cook it.

00:57:46.000 There's a way to cook it.

00:57:47.000 So, I go there, I buy a bottle, come back, cook a half a gram, smoke it, pour out all the ammonia, right? 0.98

00:57:55.000 I'm not fucking in there. 0.89

00:57:56.000 What do you do with the ammonia? 0.99

00:57:58.000 You can make crack.

00:57:59.000 You can make free base with ammonia. 0.98

00:58:00.000 So, I fucking, I took the first half a gram, right? 0.99

00:58:07.000 His first half a gram, I went to the store, bought the ammonia, cooked the half a gram, poured the ammonia out, so I wouldn't steal any more, and fucking smoked it. 0.99

00:58:17.000 I go, oh, I can't stop. 0.98

00:58:19.000 Okay? 0.99

00:58:20.000 Fucking, I'm back up. 0.99

00:58:22.000 I made five trips to the convenience store buying a Mona, right? 1.00

00:58:29.000 And I'm so fucking whacked out and fucked up. 0.99

00:58:32.000 And the guy's going, why does this guy keep coming in every hour? 1.00

00:58:35.000 I go, look, I got a cleaning business, right?

00:58:37.000 Oh, my God.

00:58:39.000 So all of a sudden he wakes up and I hear, now no coke left, I'm drinking pure straight vodka to try, and all I hear is a big...

00:58:49.000 Him yelling upstairs, where's my, he came down, where's my cocaine?

00:58:54.000 I go, look, don't worry, I sold it for you while you were sleeping on credit to this guy.

00:58:58.000 I stole, I paid him back, but I just stole it. 1.00

00:59:02.000 I was a scumbag. 1.00

00:59:03.000 I was a drug addict. 1.00

00:59:04.000 That's a lot of cocaine.

00:59:06.000 And you were doing the vodka to calm your body down because you're all whacked out? 0.72

00:59:10.000 I was so, I had a, and there was nothing worse than when sun up, sun up, I'm walking home, All fucking coming down, knowing I have no money, nothing. 0.98

00:59:24.000 It was the worst fucking, it was the worst life on the planet.

00:59:30.000 It was such a bad life, you know, and then the running would, you know, into New York. 0.99

00:59:36.000 What does it feel like that you have to drink vodka?

00:59:39.000 Like, what is like, you're trying to calm your body down.

00:59:42.000 You're just going to explode.

00:59:45.000 It's like being really high on caffeine and then alcohol kind of takes you down a few notches.

00:59:50.000 It slows you down.

00:59:52.000 It counteracts it.

00:59:53.000 Yeah, it's just, I don't know, you never snorted coke?

00:59:56.000 You never did coke in your life?

00:59:57.000 No.

00:59:57.000 Get out of here, really?

00:59:58.000 No, never did it.

00:59:59.000 Oh, wow.

01:00:00.000 Have you done coke?

01:00:01.000 Of course. 1.00

01:00:01.000 I saw way too many people when I was young just lose their shit. 1.00

01:00:06.000 Did you ever smoke it? 1.00

01:00:08.000 Uh-huh. 0.97

01:00:09.000 So you know how fucking the rush, and the problem is, and I'm not glorifying it. 0.98

01:00:15.000 Smoking it gives you more of a rush? 0.99

01:00:16.000 Are you kidding me?

01:00:17.000 I did not like smoking it.

01:00:20.000 That's where you just like...

01:00:22.000 Heart pounding.

01:00:22.000 It's a rush that you'll never ever The first one you won't repeat it till maybe a day later So you keep trying to chase that fucking that first hit my friend Johnny This is back when I lived in New York It was the real Times Square like Times Square was a real thing like you go to Times Square There was peep booths.

01:00:42.000 It was dirty. 0.93

01:00:43.000 It was a dangerous spot.

01:00:44.000 He would go he would smoke crack and And he'd go to Times Square, and he'd go to those peep booths, and he would beat off in these peep booths, like, forever.

01:00:52.000 And he goes, you didn't even come.

01:00:53.000 You just kept playing with yourself. 0.99

01:00:55.000 Like, you just kept watching porn and watching girls, like, finger themselves in front of you. 0.94

01:01:00.000 And I go, what'd they look like? 1.00

01:01:01.000 He goes, oh, they were fucking disgusting. 1.00

01:01:03.000 It didn't matter. 1.00

01:01:04.000 It was just that it was deviant.

01:01:05.000 You were just doing... 1.00

01:01:06.000 It's like, for whatever reason, the smoking crack made him just want to do dirty shit. 1.00

01:01:12.000 Just do... 1.00

01:01:12.000 Just be a dirty, naughty person, you know? 1.00

01:01:15.000 I smoked so much one night. 1.00

01:01:17.000 My dick shriveled up so much. 1.00

01:01:18.000 I couldn't... 1.00

01:01:19.000 And I looked at my pants and I was so fucked up. 0.99

01:01:21.000 I thought it went into my body. 0.99

01:01:23.000 I thought I lost it completely.

01:01:25.000 Like, it just sucked into my body.

01:01:27.000 And I'm going... 1.00

01:01:28.000 Your dick shrinks when you do coke? 1.00

01:01:29.000 Yeah, when you do coke. 1.00

01:01:31.000 Yeah.

01:01:31.000 And I go...

01:01:33.000 Like, I was so fucked up. 0.99

01:01:35.000 I go, is it? 0.99

01:01:36.000 Oh, I'll deal with it later.

01:01:37.000 I'm going to get high.

01:01:38.000 Right? 1.00

01:01:38.000 I thought my fucking dick was... 1.00

01:01:40.000 We used to go to this fucking peep booth. 1.00

01:01:42.000 It was funny. 0.99

01:01:43.000 One night, God, I think we've told the story on ONA, but like in Philly, there was these fucking peep booths on the way home from Philly. 0.98

01:01:53.000 And you'd go in. 1.00

01:01:56.000 And you would pay a girl to watch you jerk off. 1.00

01:01:59.000 Right. 1.00

01:02:00.000 And she would, like, move around for you or something?

01:02:03.000 No.

01:02:03.000 Couldn't touch you, but she'd watch.

01:02:05.000 Maybe go, ah, ooh, you know.

01:02:09.000 But you got to do it in front of somebody. 0.98

01:02:11.000 So, it was fucking great. 0.99

01:02:14.000 What a deal. 0.98

01:02:15.000 Why would you want that?

01:02:17.000 Don't look at it.

01:02:17.000 Get him out of here.

01:02:18.000 Are you kidding me?

01:02:19.000 I'm so excited.

01:02:20.000 So, one time, I mean, Norton and all of us used to go, but one time it was...

01:02:25.000 Me, Levi, and Florentine.

01:02:30.000 So Florentine's in the booth.

01:02:31.000 Bob Levy, Jim Florentine.

01:02:32.000 Well, Florentine's in the booth first, in one of the booths.

01:02:38.000 And all of a sudden, I swear to God, you hear over the loudspeaker, a mop to booth four, right? 0.99

01:02:43.000 To fucking clean up his jizz. 0.99

01:02:45.000 And then... 0.99

01:02:47.000 You find out your buddy's in booth four, and you hear that?

01:02:50.000 You're like, oh no. 0.99

01:02:51.000 So then fucking Levy. 0.99

01:02:53.000 Now, there's curtains on the door. 0.99

01:02:55.000 You know, there's a shade.

01:02:57.000 But there's this much space. 0.99

01:02:59.000 So, Levy's in the room and we can see the shadow of a fucking hand flying back and forth, right? 0.99

01:03:06.000 We can see the shadow of his hand jerking himself off on the fucking floor under the chain. 1.00

01:03:13.000 And this hand was moving fucking fast. 1.00

01:03:17.000 I've never seen somebody jerk off that fucking fast. 1.00

01:03:20.000 How many times have you seen guys jerk off? 1.00

01:03:22.000 Do you have like a whole thing? 0.99

01:03:24.000 In my database of men jerking off. 0.98

01:03:27.000 It's mostly slow. 0.90

01:03:28.000 Over a lifetime of observing.

01:03:29.000 Well, you know, as a judge.

01:03:31.000 I'm a studier.

01:03:33.000 And then...

01:03:34.000 One time we went in there, me and Norton, and I got kicked out because I was trying to negotiate with a girl. 0.99

01:03:39.000 I go, look, what the fuck? 0.99

01:03:41.000 Take $15. 1.00

01:03:43.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:03:44.000 You don't have to do nothing but sit and watch. 1.00

01:03:46.000 What were they supposed to take?

01:03:47.000 Like $25.

01:03:48.000 And that was a lot of money back then after these one-nighters.

01:03:51.000 I go, take $15.

01:03:53.000 And I got kicked out of the people.

01:03:55.000 For negotiating. 0.98

01:03:56.000 Well, sometimes I got him down, but I got kicked out and fucking Norton walks out the car and goes, how could you possibly get kicked out of a peep booth? 0.98

01:04:05.000 How could you get kicked out of a... 0.99

01:04:06.000 How fucked up is your life that you got kicked out of a peep booth? 0.99

01:04:10.000 And this is... 1.00

01:04:11.000 Norton was totally sober back then.

01:04:13.000 We all were.

01:04:14.000 Well, Norton was...

01:04:15.000 He only did drugs until he was, like, 18 or something like that.

01:04:18.000 Yeah.

01:04:18.000 He got sober, like, really young.

01:04:20.000 Yeah.

01:04:20.000 It's kind of crazy.

01:04:21.000 Think about it.

01:04:22.000 Like, you realize at 18, like, I can't do this.

01:04:24.000 I can't do this anymore. 1.00

01:04:25.000 He was fucked up. 1.00

01:04:26.000 Did you ever hear the Central Park story with me and Norton? 1.00

01:04:29.000 No.

01:04:30.000 Oh, this is a classic.

01:04:32.000 Here we go.

01:04:35.000 Let me tell this story.

01:04:36.000 Let me crack my fingers.

01:04:38.000 Okay.

01:04:38.000 We, uh...

01:04:40.000 We're coming out of somewhere.

01:04:42.000 Maybe a 12-step meeting or whatever. 0.93

01:04:45.000 And there's a hot, hot black chick. 1.00

01:04:49.000 Walks by and recognizes me.

01:04:51.000 And I wasn't even maybe from a club.

01:04:53.000 Maybe I did one TV show or two in my life.

01:04:57.000 So I said to her, do you want to go out for bagels?

01:05:00.000 We're going for bagels.

01:05:01.000 She said, okay.

01:05:01.000 So we went and had bagels.

01:05:03.000 Then we said, hey, we're going to go uptown to the peep booths, you know, on like 54th or whatever.

01:05:09.000 Classy broad.

01:05:10.000 I'm not trying to judge. 0.99

01:05:12.000 Is she a prostitute? 1.00

01:05:12.000 I'm not fucking judging people. 1.00

01:05:14.000 We're not here to judge. 1.00

01:05:15.000 But I mean, did you know she was a prostitute? 0.95

01:05:17.000 No, she wasn't a prostitute. 1.00

01:05:18.000 But you invited her to a peep booth. 0.80

01:05:20.000 Yeah, she already likes us. 0.99

01:05:23.000 She already got a fucking free bagel. 1.00

01:05:27.000 Okay, so you're not thinking this is going to be your girlfriend someday. 1.00

01:05:31.000 No, no.

01:05:32.000 But you got it so...

01:05:33.000 It's hilarious.

01:05:35.000 So we go, hey, we're going...

01:05:36.000 We were planning on it.

01:05:37.000 We're going up there anyhow.

01:05:39.000 So we go up to, you know, the quarter booth, the people.

01:05:44.000 And she comes into a booth with me.

01:05:46.000 But we get kicked out. 1.00

01:05:47.000 The fucking Indian fucking... 1.00

01:05:49.000 Get out. 1.00

01:05:49.000 You know, no couple. 1.00

01:05:51.000 No couples? 1.00

01:05:51.000 No couples in the booth. 1.00

01:05:53.000 In those quarter booths.

01:05:54.000 You can't bring somebody in. 0.98

01:05:56.000 So now, this is no fucking lie. 0.96

01:05:58.000 I'm not lying. 0.96

01:05:59.000 We're standing...

01:06:02.000 Right across from the Ed Sullivan Theater, right?

01:06:06.000 And there's like a newspaper kiosk, and we're leaning on a car, and I'm making out with her, and I'm fingering her on Broadway. 1.00

01:06:17.000 So she fucking... 1.00

01:06:18.000 And Norton's just grabbing her ass like a little fucking... 1.00

01:06:21.000 Like it's... 1.00

01:06:23.000 A toy.

01:06:24.000 He's playing with her, right?

01:06:25.000 So, I think, and she comes, right? 0.96

01:06:28.000 She has an orgasm, standing on Broadway from everything.

01:06:31.000 So then we get in the car. 0.93

01:06:32.000 Allegedly has an orgasm.

01:06:33.000 Who does?

01:06:34.000 Allegedly.

01:06:35.000 No, she had an orgasm.

01:06:37.000 You could tell.

01:06:37.000 You could feel it.

01:06:38.000 Well, she didn't piss on my finger. 1.00

01:06:40.000 But you could tell when a girl has it. 0.96

01:06:43.000 She wasn't faking it.

01:06:44.000 She wasn't in a rush.

01:06:46.000 Okay.

01:06:46.000 So it was a, you know, she had an orgasm.

01:06:48.000 I'm not saying it was the best one. 0.99

01:06:50.000 She might have just been tired of your fingering her. 1.00

01:06:51.000 No, my stubby little fingers know what they're doing. 0.64

01:06:54.000 Okay, but you're being Nicky negative.

01:06:56.000 This is a good...

01:06:57.000 No, no.

01:06:58.000 I'm just trying to get a real clear picture of what actually happened.

01:07:02.000 Okay.

01:07:02.000 Could it be any clearer than what I said?

01:07:03.000 Norton's playing with her ass, your finger in her... 1.00

01:07:05.000 That must have looked like a sight also, by the way. 1.00

01:07:07.000 Just like you with your back and her in the middle and Norton grabbing the butt. 1.00

01:07:11.000 No, you can confirm all of it. 0.96

01:07:13.000 Okay.

01:07:13.000 So then we go, let's take a ride up to Central Park.

01:07:15.000 We're walking through Central Park.

01:07:18.000 And then she's blowing me, right?

01:07:22.000 She's blowing me. 1.00

01:07:24.000 And then I look down and I see Norton eating her ass, right? 1.00

01:07:30.000 But it's like a little kid in candy, right? 1.00

01:07:34.000 And I'm trying not to crack up because I'm getting fucking blown. 0.99

01:07:37.000 You don't want to fucking laugh as you're getting blown. 0.98

01:07:40.000 But this has got to feel good for her. 1.00

01:07:42.000 She's getting her ass eaten. 1.00

01:07:44.000 And now I'm getting blown. 1.00

01:07:47.000 So, I shoot a load, we get back in the car, and we're driving, and I go to Norton, you have a good time.

01:07:55.000 He goes, well, I was a little uncomfortable.

01:07:57.000 I got my pants dirty. 1.00

01:08:00.000 I go, you'll fucking eat out a strange girl's ass, but you're worried about getting your fucking pants dirty? 1.00

01:08:07.000 What, are you gonna get home? 1.00

01:08:07.000 Your mom's gonna say, look at these grass stains. 1.00

01:08:10.000 Were you eating out ass again, Norton? 1.00

01:08:12.000 Like, he was upset that he got grass stains on his pants as he was eating his fucking strange girl's hair. 1.00

01:08:20.000 That's so hilarious. 0.99

01:08:21.000 That so sounds like Norton, too. 0.99

01:08:23.000 That's so ridiculous. 0.95

01:08:24.000 I mean, I was obviously single and young. 1.00

01:08:27.000 I was dating this girl that was so fucking hot. 0.86

01:08:33.000 And we were in the car and she was blowing me and Norton was walking by. 0.93

01:08:36.000 I go, hey, you want to watch?

01:08:37.000 And he goes, yeah.

01:08:38.000 He comes in and he's in the back of the car. 0.99

01:08:40.000 He's just fucking, you know, we picked up this fucking... 1.00

01:08:43.000 He starts jerking off while she's blowing you? 1.00

01:08:46.000 Yeah, but I come so quick. 1.00

01:08:47.000 He goes, fuck, man, hold off. 1.00

01:08:52.000 One time we pick up this hottie. 1.00

01:08:54.000 I pick up, it's always me picking up.

01:08:56.000 I picked up this girl up front of the commies.

01:08:58.000 So we're going back to Norton's house.

01:09:02.000 And she's blowing me and whatever. 0.99

01:09:05.000 And Norton's jerking off. 1.00

01:09:06.000 And next thing you know, I see a load fly and hit Norton in the fucking head. 1.00

01:09:13.000 She's blowing me. 1.00

01:09:15.000 He jerks off. 1.00

01:09:16.000 He hit himself? 0.98

01:09:17.000 Yeah, he hit himself in the head. 0.99

01:09:18.000 I was so fucking impressed that it flew that high and hit himself. 0.99

01:09:23.000 I was like, it was fucking very impressive. 1.00

01:09:27.000 He's a creep. 1.00

01:09:30.000 What the fuck about you? 1.00

01:09:32.000 I'm just getting blown. 0.99

01:09:33.000 I didn't do anything deviant.

01:09:35.000 I didn't do anything wrong.

01:09:40.000 He's so honest about his perversions.

01:09:42.000 It's hilarious.

01:09:43.000 Has there ever been a guy on the radio that's as honest about his perversions as Norton?

01:09:48.000 I don't even think there's a close second.

01:09:50.000 No.

01:09:51.000 No one. 0.99

01:09:52.000 Like a regular radio guy that's as honest about being a pervert and trannies and all the crazy shit that Norton does? 1.00

01:09:59.000 I mean, that's very unique. 0.99

01:10:00.000 That's, you know...

01:10:02.000 Yeah, but I think Opie and Anthony, when they were together, brought... 0.98

01:10:07.000 Really, we're good to get the truth out of all of us, from Colin to fucking Bobby. 0.95

01:10:13.000 I mean, we've spilled our guts in there. 0.98

01:10:15.000 Patrice.

01:10:16.000 I mean, really have told stories... 0.75

01:10:19.000 You know, I mean, that are like really fucking deep about our parents and upbringing.

01:10:24.000 You know, and that's what, you know, people think they know. 0.99

01:10:27.000 That's why I hate fucking some of these guys on Twitter. 0.99

01:10:30.000 They think they're, just because we, you're not my friend. 0.99

01:10:33.000 Don't ever, you know, so you can't say the things Norton and Bobby and, you know, Patrice and whatever Colin could say to me.

01:10:40.000 That's why they think, but, because they got so, they know so much about our lives.

01:10:44.000 But Norton brings it to a whole nother level, like you say.

01:10:48.000 Like, you know what I mean?

01:10:51.000 You know...

01:10:52.000 You know what I mean?

01:10:55.000 You get uncomfortable even thinking about it.

01:10:57.000 You know, look at every...

01:11:02.000 No, there's nobody like Norton.

01:11:04.000 Norton is a completely unique individual.

01:11:07.000 And always has been.

01:11:08.000 You know, always has been.

01:11:09.000 He's found his voice more as a comic.

01:11:13.000 You know, now than ever before.

01:11:15.000 But he's always been this really unique guy.

01:11:17.000 Well, I can tell you what he does.

01:11:19.000 I don't watch a lot of comics stand-up.

01:11:22.000 I just don't watch a lot.

01:11:24.000 Once on a blue moon, I'll see a little of this, a little of that.

01:11:27.000 But on radio, there is no one quicker at comebacks than Norton.

01:11:32.000 No.

01:11:32.000 No, hands down.

01:11:34.000 He's my favorite all-time radio personality.

01:11:36.000 He's in...

01:11:39.000 I know him as a... 0.99

01:11:42.000 I'm just saying he's quick as fuck on radio. 1.00

01:11:45.000 He's in a class by himself. 1.00

01:11:46.000 He really is.

01:11:47.000 But that also, too, when you're going in there, you know, if Colin's in and Bobby and me and when Patrice was there, you're going walking into the lion's den.

01:11:57.000 Yeah.

01:11:57.000 You've got to be, you know, boom.

01:11:58.000 There's no fucking... 0.99

01:12:00.000 I mean, we will... 0.99

01:12:02.000 You've got to be ready to go.

01:12:03.000 Just tear... 1.00

01:12:04.000 Fucking Patrice laid into... 1.00

01:12:06.000 He laid into me... 1.00

01:12:09.000 First he attacked my...

01:12:11.000 I had a Rolex.

01:12:12.000 Somehow he attacked me having a Rolex.

01:12:15.000 Okay?

01:12:15.000 Because it wasn't a Breitling.

01:12:16.000 It was a Rolex.

01:12:17.000 Where I bought it from...

01:12:19.000 A Breitling is better than a Rolex?

01:12:20.000 To him it was.

01:12:22.000 He's... 0.88

01:12:22.000 You know, black guys don't... 0.88

01:12:23.000 You know, they like those big fucking, you know. 1.00

01:12:26.000 Then he attacked me. 1.00

01:12:28.000 He attacked me.

01:12:29.000 You know what I'm saying. 1.00

01:12:30.000 From asses to watches. 1.00

01:12:32.000 So, then he attacked me. 0.99

01:12:34.000 I had...

01:12:35.000 I was driving at the time a Porsche Boxster.

01:12:38.000 Right?

01:12:39.000 And he had, I think, an Escalade or whatever.

01:12:42.000 And he was calling me selfish.

01:12:45.000 I'm driving this little car. 0.73

01:12:47.000 And he's killing me.

01:12:50.000 And I'm driving home from ONA and I can't let... 1.00

01:12:52.000 I'm going, wait, you fucking fat fuck. 1.00

01:12:55.000 You're driving an Escalade that's fucking... 1.00

01:12:58.000 You know, using all this gas, all this, you know... 1.00

01:13:04.000 You're the selfish one because you could not stop eating fucking fruitcakes. 1.00

01:13:11.000 And now, so... 1.00

01:13:12.000 And then he's saying how crappy my car is. 0.98

01:13:14.000 Two days later, I'm online looking at the price of a Boxster new against his car new and all the stats, and I fucking email it to him. 0.96

01:13:24.000 He calls me cracking up. 0.89

01:13:26.000 He goes, you're still thinking about this?

01:13:29.000 You're still thinking about this?

01:13:31.000 I walked out of the studio and forgot.

01:13:33.000 It was radio. 0.99

01:13:38.000 He fucking ripped me down so hard. 0.99

01:13:44.000 Patrice was an overpowering guy. 1.00

01:13:46.000 Even if you were right, he just so...

01:13:52.000 Verbally overpowering.

01:13:53.000 You know how big he would be today?

01:13:55.000 As a comic?

01:13:57.000 He hands down would be...

01:13:59.000 He'd be right up there with anybody.

01:14:01.000 Any of the biggest comics in the world today.

01:14:04.000 As talent-wise.

01:14:05.000 He did sabotage a lot because...

01:14:09.000 No, I'm wrong.

01:14:11.000 He knew what he wanted.

01:14:12.000 He turned down a lot.

01:14:13.000 He didn't sabotage it.

01:14:15.000 What kind of stuff did he turn down?

01:14:17.000 Spike Lee liked him, but I guess the money wasn't right, what he was offered.

01:14:21.000 For what?

01:14:22.000 For a movie?

01:14:24.000 Whatever.

01:14:25.000 To do whatever with Spike.

01:14:27.000 When Puffy had that show on...

01:14:32.000 HBO, whatever.

01:14:34.000 It wasn't Dev Jam.

01:14:35.000 It was another black comic thing.

01:14:37.000 They asked him to host it.

01:14:39.000 He didn't like the deal.

01:14:40.000 He turned it down.

01:14:42.000 When he had VH1, I think he wanted his own billboard in Times Square.

01:14:47.000 You know, whatever.

01:14:49.000 Well, he deserved it, though.

01:14:51.000 Yeah.

01:14:51.000 He deserved it.

01:14:52.000 And they said no, so... 1.00

01:14:53.000 Eh, fuck you. 1.00

01:14:54.000 But whatever. 1.00

01:14:54.000 He was offered... 1.00

01:14:55.000 But he knew what he wanted.

01:14:57.000 He was offered many roasts before he did that Charlie Sheen one.

01:15:01.000 And he was right. 0.99

01:15:02.000 He's going, why am I going to do a fucking roast... 0.99

01:15:05.000 With these comics that aren't in my league and are not my friends. 0.98

01:15:09.000 Yeah, well, he mocked them while he was up there.

01:15:12.000 He was the best at that roast.

01:15:14.000 Yeah, he's like, who are they going to...

01:15:15.000 Was it Charlie Sheen?

01:15:16.000 Was that the roast he was on?

01:15:18.000 Yeah, and Jess O'Neck and Schumer were on it. 1.00

01:15:21.000 Damn, he murdered it on that roast. 0.98

01:15:22.000 Let me tell you, he went last, and a lot of that was just... 1.00

01:15:26.000 Off the top of his head.

01:15:27.000 Because I went over a lot of his stuff before we talked, you know what I mean? 0.99

01:15:31.000 So I go, and stuff was, and then he started getting mad because they're talking about his diabetes, and he's like, who the fuck are they to talk about me like this? 0.98

01:15:40.000 Right. 0.97

01:15:40.000 You know, and that was his whole mindset before even going into the roast. 0.97

01:15:44.000 So they multiplied it by saying shit about him. 0.99

01:15:47.000 Right, right, right. 0.99

01:15:47.000 Because he goes, they're not my fucking friends, you know what I mean? 0.99

01:15:50.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:15:52.000 He clearly stole that roast.

01:15:55.000 Yeah.

01:15:55.000 Clearly hands down.

01:15:57.000 From there, there would have been no stopping Patrice.

01:16:01.000 None.

01:16:01.000 Yeah.

01:16:02.000 So sad. 0.99

01:16:03.000 You know, it's so fucked up that some of the funniest guys have all these self-sabotaging traits like bad diet and drugs. 0.99

01:16:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:16:11.000 Not taking care of themselves. 0.99

01:16:12.000 So fucking sad. 0.99

01:16:16.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:16:17.000 But he wasn't a drug addict.

01:16:21.000 He didn't drink.

01:16:22.000 He didn't do drugs.

01:16:22.000 Yeah, but he didn't take care of his body.

01:16:23.000 Didn't take care of his diet. 1.00

01:16:24.000 I mean, he had fucking diabetes. 1.00

01:16:25.000 He didn't take care of it. 1.00

01:16:26.000 He died from something that other people haven't died from.

01:16:30.000 I mean, if he just lost weight and ate healthy and started eating vegetables, he could have lowered his blood sugar.

01:16:35.000 He could have dealt with it in a healthy way. 1.00

01:16:38.000 But what makes a guy that fucking funny is kind of the same shit that I don't give a fuck attitude. 1.00

01:16:44.000 You can't have that I don't give a fuck attitude and be, you know, drinking green tea instead of eating cheeseburgers, you know? 1.00

01:16:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:16:51.000 It comes with the thing.

01:16:53.000 It's a lifestyle.

01:16:55.000 Yeah.

01:16:55.000 See, there's comics that do comedy from their head.

01:17:01.000 And there's funny guys.

01:17:03.000 He came from...

01:17:04.000 To me, the best comics on the planet are comics that talk from their heart.

01:17:09.000 That talk from within them.

01:17:10.000 You know what I mean?

01:17:11.000 They're not...

01:17:12.000 They didn't figure it out.

01:17:13.000 They lived it or they experienced it.

01:17:16.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:17:17.000 You feel...

01:17:18.000 So, Patrice wasn't... 1.00

01:17:19.000 He was brilliant.

01:17:20.000 He had to think of it.

01:17:21.000 But it really came from here.

01:17:24.000 This was how he was in real life. 0.99

01:17:26.000 You know, he didn't go on stage and, hey, let me do my fucking act. 0.99

01:17:31.000 Right. 0.98

01:17:31.000 You know, in a good comic, you know, you take, like, Louie and Stanhope and Voss. 0.98

01:17:37.000 You take guys like that.

01:17:39.000 Rich Voss?

01:17:40.000 Yeah, but he's at Ventura Comedy Club Friday to Sunday.

01:17:42.000 This weekend?

01:17:43.000 Friday through Sunday.

01:17:44.000 California, Ventura, California.

01:17:45.000 Yeah, Ventura Harbor. 1.00

01:17:46.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:17:47.000 But you see what I'm saying? 1.00

01:17:48.000 You take these guys, like Stanhope, I think is fucking a genius. 0.99

01:17:52.000 Yeah, me too. 0.98

01:17:52.000 I think he's just at a whole nother level. 0.98

01:17:55.000 I read some of his blogs and just the guy...

01:17:58.000 He's awesome. 1.00

01:17:58.000 His fucking mind... 1.00

01:18:00.000 He's at a whole nother level. 1.00

01:18:01.000 Well, he's really living it.

01:18:02.000 You know what I mean? 0.96

01:18:03.000 Stan Hope lives in Bisbee, Arizona, in the middle of fucking nowhere, in a multicolored, bright orange house, or bright yellow house. 0.95

01:18:13.000 He has Super Bowl parties. 0.96

01:18:15.000 He invites the world.

01:18:17.000 Literally gives out his address on my podcast and says, come to my Super Bowl party. 0.98

01:18:22.000 So he has hundreds of people, he has no idea who they are, fly in to Tucson, then drive to Bisbee and show up at his fucking house and he lets them inside where he sleeps and eats and... 0.99

01:18:34.000 They're all wandering around his house, drinking and smoking, and he doesn't give a fuck. 1.00

01:18:39.000 Like, there's a lot of guys pretending to not give a fuck. 0.99

01:18:43.000 Stanhope is that guy, you know, wearing those ironic suits. 0.99

01:18:46.000 And he's like, I kind of have to stop wearing these because other people think I'm serious.

01:18:51.000 And now wearing ironic suits has become a thing.

01:18:57.000 It's almost like a hipster thing.

01:18:59.000 I watched him on a show I think he was doing with Norton and Artie Lang in Atlantic City.

01:19:05.000 We went down to hang out. 0.99

01:19:07.000 It could have been a bright yellow fucking blazer. 0.99

01:19:09.000 You would think he was going to introduce acrobats. 0.99

01:19:15.000 Yeah, he's a burlesque MC. We did the End of the World show, the December 21st, 2012 show at the Woltern.

01:19:22.000 It was Honey Honey, Joe Diaz, Stan Hope, and me. 0.93

01:19:26.000 And Stan Hope wore this ridiculous suit. 0.99

01:19:28.000 It was just ridiculous. 1.00

01:19:29.000 It was half of what made it awesome was him and his fucking stupid suit. 1.00

01:19:33.000 Look at his house. 1.00

01:19:35.000 You got a photo of his house?

01:19:37.000 Look at his house.

01:19:38.000 I mean, if anybody wants to visit Doug Stanhope, you can't miss it.

01:19:41.000 Just drive through Bisbee.

01:19:43.000 You'll find it in five seconds.

01:19:44.000 You go, oh, there he is.

01:19:45.000 But also what I love about him, he calls his own shots in this business.

01:19:51.000 Oh, yeah.

01:19:52.000 You know what I mean? 0.92

01:19:53.000 He was one of the first guys to do these promotions where he was like, you know, I'm tired of working at these comedy clubs and they're giving me shit money and I know how much I'm bringing in. 0.98

01:20:03.000 That's his house. 0.99

01:20:05.000 That's fucking... 1.00

01:20:06.000 That's his house. 1.00

01:20:08.000 That's what you would see on the internet that somebody made from an ex-cargo...

01:20:12.000 Yeah.

01:20:14.000 He's got pebbles instead of a lawn.

01:20:17.000 This is just a bunch of people probably...

01:20:21.000 That's probably a party that he had on purpose. 0.99

01:20:23.000 That's a fucking great house, though. 0.99

01:20:25.000 Yeah, it's cool. 1.00

01:20:26.000 Probably a Super Bowl party.

01:20:26.000 Yeah, but I mean, he has these Super Bowl parties, and I don't know if all of them are photos.

01:20:30.000 There's other photos where there's even more pictures.

01:20:32.000 That looks like a next storage bin, like one of those things you would see.

01:20:35.000 Is that his podcast down there?

01:20:36.000 What is that?

01:20:37.000 Scroll down a little.

01:20:38.000 Because he has a podcast now.

01:20:39.000 Is that the studio?

01:20:40.000 Click on it.

01:20:41.000 Let me see that.

01:20:42.000 Which one?

01:20:42.000 The one with the podcast.

01:20:43.000 Oh, this.

01:20:43.000 Yeah.

01:20:45.000 Oh, look at that.

01:20:47.000 Bingo!

01:20:48.000 Who's that with him?

01:20:49.000 That's his girl.

01:20:50.000 No, the other guy.

01:20:51.000 Quinn from Impractical Jokers.

01:20:54.000 So that's his...

01:20:55.000 He's got his own podcast studio now.

01:20:57.000 Good for him.

01:20:58.000 And that's all in his wacky house. 1.00

01:21:00.000 He's a maniac. 1.00

01:21:02.000 I fucking love the fact that he's just like... 1.00

01:21:04.000 He goes into rock, does what he wants to do. 0.99

01:21:07.000 I love fucking comedy. 0.99

01:21:08.000 Well, he'll do comedy clubs now because he's undeniable. 1.00

01:21:11.000 Now they have to give him the door or whatever the fuck the deal is.

01:21:13.000 But he doesn't usually do weekends. 0.95

01:21:14.000 He'll do a Tuesday, Wednesday in a comedy club.

01:21:16.000 But if he wants to do a weekend, he'll do a weekend.

01:21:18.000 But it's one of those things where they were trying to tell him what he was worth.

01:21:22.000 And he was like, why am I giving you guys anything?

01:21:25.000 And I can just sell out a rock club.

01:21:27.000 The problem with those rock clubs is we saw him once in LA. We went to see him in LA. You have to stand up.

01:21:32.000 It was a concrete floor.

01:21:34.000 You're standing.

01:21:35.000 And after like a half hour, I was like, this is the last...

01:21:37.000 I'm never going to do a standing...

01:21:39.000 Because I had done a few standing shows.

01:21:40.000 I'm like, I'm never doing one of these ever again.

01:21:42.000 Well, we saw him in Philly.

01:21:44.000 We went down to watch him in Philly do one of those things.

01:21:46.000 And it's kind of uncomfortable standing. 1.00

01:21:49.000 Standing is bullshit. 1.00

01:21:50.000 Standing is bullshit. 1.00

01:21:51.000 I mean, his stuff... 1.00

01:21:53.000 You got to talk into the microphone.

01:21:54.000 That's why you should wear headphones.

01:21:56.000 Okay, I missed the microphone for one second.

01:21:59.000 You know, look it, everybody's not perfect. 0.99

01:22:01.000 But I do know how many grams in a fucking ounce. 0.99

01:22:04.000 Is it 20 or something? 0.99

01:22:07.000 What is it, 32? 1.00

01:22:08.000 You know, the fucking smartest guy. 0.99

01:22:10.000 Ventura? 0.99

01:22:10.000 Where is it? 0.99

01:22:11.000 Ventura.

01:22:13.000 But his act, what I've seen of him...

01:22:16.000 He doesn't have to...

01:22:18.000 Like, some comics really have to connect with...

01:22:21.000 He's so smart and brilliant.

01:22:24.000 He could do his act laying down on a couch with his head.

01:22:28.000 Do you get what I'm saying?

01:22:29.000 You think so?

01:22:30.000 I think he's so smart...

01:22:32.000 As a person that you can listen to him and you don't have to see him to get what he's saying.

01:22:38.000 You mean like a comedy album?

01:22:40.000 Yeah.

01:22:41.000 No, no, but in a...

01:22:42.000 I'm saying...

01:22:43.000 You're saying a comedy club where people are sitting down so focused.

01:22:48.000 You know, when I do stand-up, a lot of times I'll sit and I'll need their attention.

01:22:53.000 Right.

01:22:54.000 On the, you know, focused.

01:22:56.000 Right.

01:22:56.000 But someone...

01:22:57.000 I mean, I can't... 1.00

01:22:58.000 He is just so smart that you could close your eyes and listen to what he's saying, going, this is some brilliant shit. 0.99

01:23:07.000 That doesn't make sense. 0.99

01:23:09.000 I mean, I think he's brilliant.

01:23:10.000 I don't know what you're saying, though.

01:23:12.000 You're not really doing a good job of talking.

01:23:13.000 Well, because you're saying the standing up, he would do better sitting down?

01:23:19.000 No, that's not what I said at all.

01:23:21.000 I meant when you're in the audience...

01:23:23.000 Yeah.

01:23:24.000 It's uncomfortable to stand for a long period of time.

01:23:26.000 And I'll never do a standing show where the audience has to stand.

01:23:30.000 Because they're not comfortable.

01:23:31.000 They don't enjoy it the way you enjoy it if you can sit down and relax.

01:23:35.000 But you're saying if it's not comfortable, then you're not taking in everything that's being said because you're not comfortable.

01:23:45.000 It's not as good as an experience because discomfort is a part of the experience.

01:23:49.000 If you're sitting down watching a show, you can just concentrate on the show.

01:23:52.000 But 45, an hour and a half into a show, and you're standing for that whole time, your feet start to hurt.

01:23:57.000 Don't do that for a rock band.

01:23:59.000 I bet you're dancing around and stuff.

01:24:01.000 Like, my legs were locking to the point where I felt like I was almost about to fall over.

01:24:06.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:24:06.000 Because we could not move.

01:24:07.000 Okay, my point was, the fucking guy is brilliant. 1.00

01:24:10.000 Oh, he's definitely brilliant. 1.00

01:24:11.000 I don't even think he does standing shows anymore.

01:24:13.000 I don't think he does.

01:24:13.000 He might, but most people have abandoned him.

01:24:15.000 All it takes is being an audience member once. 1.00

01:24:19.000 And you go, oh, well, fuck this. 0.99

01:24:20.000 You know, that's why I stopped doing the House of Blues in Vegas. 1.00

01:24:23.000 They used to have that fucking standing part on the side. 0.99

01:24:25.000 Oh! 0.99

01:24:26.000 It's the worst.

01:24:27.000 They have the seated part, which is awesome.

01:24:29.000 And then they have the top seating, awesome. 0.98

01:24:31.000 Then they'd have the bar area was filled with people just standing and it was fucking terrible. 0.98

01:24:36.000 It was terrible. 0.96

01:24:38.000 It's like, they would talk, like, you would literally, you would have, like, I would, like, be trying to do stand-up at a nightclub.

01:24:44.000 Like, when there's a full-on, like, bar scene happening.

01:24:48.000 And, you know, attention to everyone, just like you're, you know, like, interrupting conversations.

01:24:52.000 Instead of, if you go to a comedy club, everybody's seated, the show starts, and they're there to see a comedy club.

01:24:58.000 There's too much room for variables.

01:25:01.000 Some comedy clubs, though, like, I've done some rooms, like, in...

01:25:04.000 Casinos, whatever, where the seats are too comfortable, and now they're too fucking relaxed.

01:25:10.000 And, you know, those cushion seats, and they're laying back, and they're not real. 0.93

01:25:14.000 Yeah, couches are not good for comedy. 0.81

01:25:16.000 You can't be too comfortable. 0.86

01:25:18.000 The Ha Ha has couches in the front, and it's like, this is a little too goddamn casual. 0.99

01:25:22.000 What the fuck is that in LA here? 0.98

01:25:24.000 It's a North Hollywood, smaller club. 0.99

01:25:27.000 So, you can't be too comfortable.

01:25:29.000 You can't be too uncomfortable.

01:25:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:25:31.000 Like, I went to Sturgill Simpson, did Conan the other day, and I went to watch, and it's fucking cold as shit in there. 0.99

01:25:39.000 They've got that thing going on like Letterman likes to do. 0.99

01:25:42.000 Like, we used to crank down the temperature, like, way down, like in the 60s.

01:25:46.000 Isn't that for the lighting?

01:25:48.000 A little bit, but I think the idea behind Letterman was that when you are cold, you have a little bit more energy.

01:25:55.000 You're more likely to laugh than if it's really hot.

01:25:57.000 If it's really hot in the room, people don't laugh as much.

01:26:00.000 Kind of makes sense. 1.00

01:26:01.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

01:26:02.000 I'm going to pass out dry ice this weekend. 1.00

01:26:05.000 At the Ventura Harbor Comedy Club in Ventura, California?

01:26:08.000 Friday through Sunday.

01:26:10.000 Are you there on Sunday, too?

01:26:11.000 Yeah.

01:26:12.000 Wow.

01:26:13.000 You say that like you're not happy about that.

01:26:14.000 Well, I am happy, but here's the problem.

01:26:17.000 Sunday day, I was invited to play golf at Bel Air Country Club.

01:26:25.000 So I'm going to drive from Ventura to Bel Air.

01:26:28.000 That's like two hours.

01:26:29.000 No, how come some people tell me 40 minutes, some team 45?

01:26:34.000 That's not 40 minutes.

01:26:35.000 They're lying to you.

01:26:36.000 An hour?

01:26:37.000 It can't be two hours from Ventura to...

01:26:40.000 What?

01:26:40.000 You sure can.

01:26:41.000 I bet if you look it up on MapQuest.

01:26:43.000 No, no, no.

01:26:43.000 With traffic?

01:26:45.000 There's no traffic on Sunday morning at 7 a.m.?

01:26:47.000 You're adorable.

01:26:49.000 You're adorable.

01:26:50.000 You don't know Los Angeles, do you?

01:26:51.000 7 a.m.

01:26:52.000 there's traffic on Sunday morning.

01:26:53.000 Easily.

01:26:54.000 If you go to Orange County, you might be stopped dead.

01:26:56.000 You might be stopped dead on the highway at 7 a.m.

01:26:59.000 On the 5?

01:26:59.000 Take the 5 Sunday morning.

01:27:01.000 Might be stopped dead.

01:27:02.000 Okay.

01:27:03.000 I'm not lying.

01:27:04.000 This is an overpopulated place.

01:27:06.000 No, I get that.

01:27:07.000 Go outside.

01:27:07.000 Look how beautiful it is.

01:27:08.000 It's like that in February.

01:27:10.000 Yeah.

01:27:11.000 It's perfect.

01:27:11.000 Perfect weather.

01:27:12.000 But look at the distance.

01:27:13.000 A lot of people find out about it.

01:27:15.000 They move here.

01:27:16.000 They have cars.

01:27:17.000 They drive.

01:27:17.000 They go, you know what?

01:27:18.000 I'm just going to get up 7 o'clock in the morning.

01:27:20.000 Who's going to be up on Sunday morning? 0.98

01:27:22.000 Oh, there's only 90 fucking million people live here. 0.98

01:27:25.000 Jesus Christ, you really know how to depress a person. 0.99

01:27:27.000 I was looking forward to my day at Bel Air.

01:27:30.000 Well, you can do it.

01:27:31.000 You just gotta leave early.

01:27:32.000 Well, I gotta be there by like 9, so I'll leave at 7. Yeah, you'll be fine.

01:27:37.000 Yeah, right now it's an hour and 40 minutes.

01:27:40.000 An hour and a half now?

01:27:41.000 An hour and 40 minutes?

01:27:42.000 From Bel Air to Ventura, California.

01:27:44.000 It's an hour and two minutes without traffic.

01:27:47.000 Which is adorable.

01:27:50.000 Why don't they just say, if you fly. 1.00

01:27:53.000 Oh, fuck. 0.99

01:27:56.000 So how is that Ventura Harbor? 1.00

01:27:57.000 Have you done that before?

01:27:58.000 I've never done it.

01:27:59.000 I heard good things.

01:28:00.000 Yeah, I heard it's a good coming.

01:28:03.000 But I've never been there.

01:28:04.000 Have you ever been there?

01:28:05.000 No, but some guy contacted me from there, I think.

01:28:07.000 But I mean, how come, like, guy, like, especially you, where you're doing, like, weekend rooms, going to San Diego, this and that place.

01:28:16.000 No, I do the Stanhope Tuesday, Wednesday stuff.

01:28:18.000 You do what?

01:28:19.000 Well, you do weekends, too.

01:28:20.000 Yeah, but some weekends, but yeah, mostly Tuesday and Wednesdays.

01:28:23.000 Oh, okay.

01:28:23.000 I love Santa Barbara.

01:28:25.000 Oh, I love it up there.

01:28:26.000 Just a little bit further north.

01:28:27.000 That's one of my favorite spots.

01:28:29.000 That's where I got my way pregnant. 1.00

01:28:30.000 When I become like Dennis Miller, become some old conservative man with a radio show.

01:28:34.000 Is that where he's out of Santa Barbara?

01:28:35.000 Yeah, he lives up there with all the white people. 0.83

01:28:38.000 It's all white people. 0.98

01:28:39.000 They just rally on against Mexicans. 1.00

01:28:42.000 We get angry about black people up there. 1.00

01:28:44.000 Wow, you could do that anywhere. 0.91

01:28:46.000 Yeah, but you can't do it exclusively.

01:28:51.000 You're preaching to the choir, everyone around you.

01:28:54.000 This is like zero diversity.

01:28:56.000 Do you know San Jose is the number one less amount of black people in the United States of America?

01:29:02.000 San Jose?

01:29:02.000 And number two is San Francisco.

01:29:05.000 San Francisco is the least amount of black people in the United States?

01:29:08.000 That doesn't make sense.

01:29:09.000 Well, what is Oakland, number one?

01:29:11.000 Oh, yeah.

01:29:12.000 It's all black people. 1.00

01:29:13.000 They all moved to Oakland and they can't afford San Francisco.

01:29:15.000 Actually, I heard Oakland is now, like, it's totally different now.

01:29:19.000 See, I've always thought San Francisco was really diversified.

01:29:23.000 Yeah, with Asians. 0.99

01:29:24.000 Well, their mindset is diverse. 0.99

01:29:27.000 Well, San Francisco, the real estate is so fucking ridiculous now. 0.99

01:29:33.000 The tech boom has fucked that place up so bad. 0.99

01:29:36.000 The prices are just...

01:29:38.000 They don't make any sense. 1.00

01:29:39.000 Like, you'd be an asshole to buy a house in San Francisco now. 0.99

01:29:42.000 Unless you've got, like... 1.00

01:29:45.000 Elon Musk money, and you don't give a fuck. 0.99

01:29:47.000 I saw a house for $3 million, my jaw dropped. 0.99

01:29:51.000 I was like, this doesn't make any sense.

01:29:52.000 This is a $400,000 house.

01:29:54.000 How is this $3 million? 0.89

01:29:56.000 It's a little shithole, right?

01:29:58.000 It was a house. 0.79

01:29:59.000 It was a nice house, but it wasn't $3 million.

01:30:01.000 I mean, it didn't make any sense. 0.98

01:30:03.000 Well, I look at these people in New York that fucking get these apartments. 1.00

01:30:06.000 Oh, they're crazy. 1.00

01:30:06.000 That are as big as this table. 1.00

01:30:08.000 They're fucking crazy. 1.00

01:30:09.000 I go, all you have to do is move 20 minutes into Jersey, and you could buy a fucking house. 1.00

01:30:17.000 I looked at house apartments in New York for a bit. 0.99

01:30:20.000 There was a time where I was thinking about moving to New York, just to mix things up.

01:30:24.000 But it just didn't make any sense.

01:30:26.000 And you know the one thing that gets me about New York?

01:30:30.000 The sets that you do around town, they're real short.

01:30:33.000 Everyone's doing like 15 minutes, 10 minutes.

01:30:36.000 I'm like, that is not enough.

01:30:37.000 That's not enough time to really get busy.

01:30:40.000 Yeah, but you'd be able to do more time in places.

01:30:45.000 You know, when Rock walks in, he's doing what he wants to do.

01:30:48.000 When certain comics walk in, you know...

01:30:51.000 Louie or whatever.

01:30:52.000 I'm sure you could do a half an hour.

01:30:55.000 They wouldn't have a problem.

01:30:56.000 I don't like to walk in and do that.

01:30:58.000 I want to schedule that.

01:30:59.000 You know what I mean?

01:31:00.000 It's one of the reasons why I like doing the belly room. 0.63

01:31:02.000 We do those weekends in the belly room.

01:31:03.000 I could do 45 minutes in town on a Friday, Saturday night.

01:31:06.000 You know, like that.

01:31:08.000 If you're going to...

01:31:09.000 Really hone your act.

01:31:11.000 Yeah, I'm not working on one bit You know, I'm working on six seven bits and trying to put together You know like a real hour for my next special and if I'm doing a 10 or a 15-minute set There's not enough time for that, and I don't want to do that whole trek around doing seven,

01:31:28.000 eight sets a night.

01:31:29.000 I just think that's foolishness.

01:31:30.000 No, I wouldn't do that ever.

01:31:31.000 I'd do maybe two.

01:31:32.000 I never did it.

01:31:33.000 One or two.

01:31:34.000 I mean, I did it years ago in New York, but I work out my material on the road, you know, because that's where I work it out, in the comedy clubs.

01:31:42.000 Because I'm going to have enough good stuff around it.

01:31:44.000 If a bit doesn't work, then the next one's gonna.

01:31:47.000 Well, when I lived in New York, when we were doing stand-up together, I hardly ever did the city.

01:31:51.000 Because I could do Connecticut, or I could do Long Island, or I could do Jersey, and I'd make $150.

01:31:57.000 I could make real money and get paid, versus if I was in town.

01:32:01.000 You get $25 here, $10 there.

01:32:04.000 It's like, what?

01:32:04.000 I'm not doing 10 sets a night to make $100.

01:32:07.000 It just seems so stupid. 0.93

01:32:08.000 Comics that can't get road work are in the city bouncing from club to club. 1.00

01:32:12.000 You know, there's guys that do seven sets a night.

01:32:15.000 You know what? 1.00

01:32:16.000 Getting a job on fucking Wall Street because there's no way this old cocksucker is running around town. 1.00

01:32:21.000 But luckily, I can work on the road. 1.00

01:32:24.000 And like you said, you can work in D.C., Baltimore.

01:32:27.000 These are all driving distance where you could drive home Saturday night.

01:32:31.000 I drive home.

01:32:32.000 Philadelphia, even Boston is three and a half, four hours, whatever.

01:32:38.000 So you could do, you could make a great living.

01:32:42.000 There's so much around there.

01:33:01.000 Is that still around?

01:33:02.000 Yeah, I think so.

01:33:04.000 I think so.

01:33:04.000 But Silicon Valley, where's Silicon Valley?

01:33:07.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:33:08.000 It's the San Francisco area, yeah.

01:33:10.000 Is it up?

01:33:11.000 Yeah, it's up in the area.

01:33:12.000 It's way up there.

01:33:12.000 Oh, that's not driving distance from here, then.

01:33:14.000 You could drive, but it's going to be six plus hours.

01:33:16.000 Okay, that's too far.

01:33:17.000 Depending on traffic.

01:33:19.000 There's... 0.96

01:33:20.000 Unlike LA, New York, or Jersey where I live, you could work fucking almost all year round and make a good living in weekend comedy, you know. 0.94

01:33:29.000 Yeah. 0.66

01:33:30.000 Are you doing weekday gigs anywhere?

01:33:32.000 No, we do...

01:33:34.000 Once in a while I'll get a private or a fundraiser.

01:33:37.000 You know, like Tuesday night we'll do our radio show on Sirius, and then we'll do a spot in the city here and there.

01:33:44.000 Because you do on Tuesday, Sirius is in the city?

01:33:47.000 Yeah, in the city.

01:33:47.000 In Opie, we do Opie Studio.

01:33:49.000 Me and Bonnie do our radio show from 7 to 9. My wife hates me, the radio show.

01:33:55.000 And so then I'll do a spot after it, maybe at the cellar to hang out or whatever.

01:34:03.000 And then Wednesday I probably will stay home because I'm going to leave Thursday, Friday, whatever.

01:34:10.000 So I try to be home Wednesday.

01:34:12.000 Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, as much as I can.

01:34:15.000 You know what I mean?

01:34:16.000 To be with my kid.

01:34:17.000 And then I'll leave Sunday.

01:34:20.000 You know, once in a blue moon on Wednesday night, we'll go over to the Stress Factory on open mic night.

01:34:27.000 And do some time, because it's 20 minutes from our house.

01:34:30.000 So we go, well, we want to work out something.

01:34:33.000 Why go into the city?

01:34:34.000 We just go to the open mic night at the Stress Factory.

01:34:36.000 How's the crowd at the Stress Factory on those nights?

01:34:38.000 Some nights it's crowded, you know, some nights it's tons of comics.

01:34:43.000 But, you know, it's okay.

01:34:45.000 It's 20, we go there, we take our kid on a Wednesday.

01:34:48.000 Not a lot of clubs in New Jersey, huh?

01:34:51.000 Other than a stress factory, that's all you really hear about.

01:34:54.000 Bananas.

01:34:55.000 Bananas.

01:34:55.000 Bananas in whatever.

01:34:57.000 What is that?

01:34:59.000 Point Pleasant or something?

01:35:00.000 No.

01:35:00.000 Bananas is in Saddlebrook or something.

01:35:03.000 There's a Bananas in Poughkeepsie, right?

01:35:04.000 Isn't there?

01:35:04.000 Yeah.

01:35:05.000 But that's closed.

01:35:06.000 That's closed.

01:35:06.000 It's closed?

01:35:07.000 Yeah.

01:35:08.000 Where was that sushi place we did?

01:35:09.000 Was that Jersey?

01:35:11.000 Remember, it was like an old Chinese restaurant for some reason, and it had a weird stage, like the stage looked like a town or something.

01:35:18.000 And it was like a restaurant, but they did comedy.

01:35:21.000 Well, Uncle Vinny's does comedy.

01:35:23.000 When was this?

01:35:24.000 Five years ago.

01:35:25.000 It was me, you, Joey Diaz, I think.

01:35:27.000 What was it?

01:35:29.000 They had sushi there?

01:35:31.000 It was like a sushi restaurant.

01:35:33.000 And it was in New Jersey?

01:35:35.000 It was either New Jersey or upstate New York.

01:35:37.000 Were you dreaming?

01:35:37.000 No, no.

01:35:38.000 You don't remember?

01:35:39.000 It was a restaurant and the stage looked like a fake town.

01:35:43.000 Like it was a fake house.

01:35:44.000 And you came out and it looked like you were on the front porch of a house or something.

01:35:47.000 Oh, no, no, no.

01:35:48.000 You're wrong.

01:35:49.000 That was Western Massachusetts.

01:35:50.000 That's a Chinese restaurant.

01:35:53.000 That's the Kahuki Lau. 0.66

01:35:54.000 That's for the Comedy Connection.

01:35:56.000 Yeah, yeah, you do you would do Friday night in the city and then you do your Friday night in Boston you do Saturday night out the hooky lao or Sunday at the hooky lao those death I do a new well Jersey has there's a place uncle Vinny's chickopee that's what it was uncle Vinny's but there's no liquor license it's bring your own beer whatever you know they can't afford a liquor license but he gets big acts there but you can bring your own booze I guess they show up with a bottle of wine Yeah,

01:36:23.000 whatever.

01:36:23.000 Wine.

01:36:24.000 Jack.

01:36:25.000 And he does always...

01:36:26.000 I mean, the Stretch Factory obviously is the big club in Jersey.

01:36:31.000 Bananas brings in big acts.

01:36:33.000 You know, they'll open the door.

01:36:36.000 I'm doing one in Boston.

01:36:37.000 It's a great new club in Boston.

01:36:41.000 Laugh Boston.

01:36:42.000 Laugh Boston.

01:36:43.000 I've done that. 0.98

01:36:43.000 I fucking love it. 0.98

01:36:44.000 It's great. 1.00

01:36:44.000 The fucking hotel is beautiful. 1.00

01:36:46.000 You stay right there. 1.00

01:36:47.000 Right there.

01:36:48.000 Just come on down.

01:36:48.000 Come down.

01:36:49.000 Boom.

01:36:50.000 The people that own it are great.

01:36:52.000 They're great.

01:36:52.000 I did it recently.

01:36:53.000 It's a great gig, yeah. 0.99

01:36:54.000 What a fucking great gig. 0.99

01:36:55.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:36:56.000 Yeah, I usually do the Wilbur, but somebody already had it.

01:36:59.000 It was a last-minute thing, because there was a UFC in Boston, and I wasn't supposed to work it, because it was a Fox Sports 1 gig.

01:37:06.000 I usually do either pay-per-views or the big Fox gigs, but for whatever reason I wanted to do it, or they wanted me to do it, I forget how it worked.

01:37:18.000 Boston used to have so many good clubs.

01:37:26.000 It's so sad to go back.

01:37:27.000 But there's a little bit of a scene there now.

01:37:29.000 A little bit of young comics coming up that are trying real hard.

01:37:45.000 Well, no, I bet...

01:37:49.000 It was the clubs that didn't last.

01:37:52.000 I mean, Knicks...

01:37:53.000 Why do you think they didn't last?

01:37:54.000 I mean, there's a part of that was that guys stopped writing.

01:37:57.000 I guess, yeah, because they were using the same guys.

01:38:00.000 Same guys, same act.

01:38:02.000 Same act.

01:38:02.000 It's still fun to watch, but if you knew, if you would go back to see Steve Sweeney every year, you knew he was going to have a new act that's like the one that you saw before.

01:38:11.000 Like I say, if you went out And you could guarantee that you're going to see a half hour new material from Sweeney and then a half hour of that old killer stuff that he had.

01:38:21.000 You would love it.

01:38:23.000 That's a good point.

01:38:25.000 Yeah, I do blame a lot.

01:38:27.000 You're right.

01:38:27.000 It was the culture back then because they didn't know.

01:38:29.000 I mean, with the internet, you can't do that.

01:38:31.000 You can't do that anymore.

01:38:33.000 So now everybody's doing the George Carlin method.

01:38:36.000 We try to do a whole new special between a year and a year and a half, two years, depending on...

01:38:42.000 You know, how you feel.

01:38:44.000 Like, some guys think that a year's too soon, the material's not good enough, and some guys think, you know, that you waste Waste time developing.

01:38:52.000 You should just move on to the next act.

01:38:53.000 In five minutes, Kathy Griffin will have another hour. 1.00

01:38:57.000 Five minutes?

01:38:58.000 She puts out an hour every two hours.

01:39:01.000 An hour every two hours?

01:39:02.000 Yes.

01:39:03.000 She puts out a lot of hours. 0.79

01:39:04.000 She puts out a lot of hours. 0.79

01:39:05.000 But she's not doing punchline jokes. 1.00

01:39:07.000 A lot of them are stories.

01:39:09.000 Stories about her hanging out with Cher.

01:39:10.000 Yeah, and stuff like that.

01:39:11.000 Cher stopped returning her call.

01:39:12.000 She'd lose half her act. 1.00

01:39:19.000 Gypsies, tramps, and thieves. 1.00

01:39:21.000 That's what the people of the town they call us. 0.96

01:39:24.000 I try to do a new CD every two years.

01:39:27.000 Every two years I try to do a new CD. Yeah, two years is a good time because that means you work on it for a solid year and a half and then the last six months you're just fucking sharpening that sword. 0.96

01:39:37.000 And then by the time it comes around, you're filming, you're sick of it.

01:39:40.000 You don't want to do it anymore.

01:39:41.000 But see, I add and take out, add and take out.

01:39:45.000 I think Chris, I've seen Chris, I think maybe even Louis does it.

01:39:51.000 I'll see Chris go on a stage with a whole...

01:39:55.000 No, you know, he's trying to do a whole new half or 45 at once, get it all together.

01:40:02.000 You know, I throw in a new bit, drop a bit, throw in a new bit, drop a bit. 0.99

01:40:06.000 But some of these fucking guys like Louie and Chris, they're fucking, they could just write an hour like that. 0.99

01:40:11.000 You wrote for Chris. 0.99

01:40:12.000 You helped him write when he was doing, like, some of his specials, right?

01:40:16.000 No, I wrote, I was...

01:40:17.000 When he did it on the Oscars, I wrote his last movie, Top 5, I wrote on that.

01:40:24.000 You know, I helped you punch up.

01:40:26.000 Right.

01:40:26.000 You know, and Chris is smart.

01:40:29.000 He had a couple of...

01:40:30.000 DiPaolo, right?

01:40:32.000 DiPaolo wasn't on the movie.

01:40:33.000 He was on the Oscars.

01:40:34.000 The Oscars.

01:40:34.000 And he used to use Rich Jenny a lot as well.

01:40:37.000 When we did the Oscars, fucking Jenny. 1.00

01:40:40.000 You know, the problem with a lot of big comics... 0.99

01:40:49.000 A lot of people aren't honest with them.

01:40:53.000 Everybody, when you get to a certain level, has a lot of, yeah, that's great, that's great, that's yes.

01:40:58.000 And it's really not to their standard.

01:41:03.000 And when we wrote on the Oscars...

01:41:06.000 Jenny had no problem saying to Chris, that stinks.

01:41:09.000 Don't do it.

01:41:10.000 It's not right. 0.96

01:41:11.000 And obviously, Jenny knew what he was talking about because he was one of the best fucking comics in history.

01:41:18.000 I talk about him all the time on this show, that he was like the one guy, when people talk about some of the all-time greats, he's the one guy that they leave out.

01:41:24.000 I'm like, you didn't see him in the 80s.

01:41:26.000 You missed it.

01:41:28.000 If you saw Jenny in the 80s, early 90s, he's one of the best of all time.

01:41:32.000 How could you not think this guy...

01:41:35.000 You had to see him, though, the way we saw him.

01:41:38.000 He would take a premise and bring it to a whole other level.

01:41:42.000 He was the guy, when people say, your jokes, you take a premise and you squeeze all the juice out of it.

01:41:49.000 Right when you think you can't get any more out of it, you take it to another place.

01:41:52.000 I learned that watching Jenny.

01:41:53.000 I really did.

01:41:54.000 Because I remember thinking that...

01:41:57.000 I was just scratching the surface of these subjects.

01:42:00.000 Whereas he understood how to explore all of them.

01:42:05.000 I'll tell you another one I watched.

01:42:08.000 When I watched Dom Irera, I'm going, this is one of the funniest guys alive.

01:42:12.000 Yeah, no doubt.

01:42:13.000 He just...

01:42:15.000 A powerhouse. 1.00

01:42:16.000 He's a murderer. 1.00

01:42:17.000 A fucking powerhouse. 1.00

01:42:18.000 He's the best at talking shit. 1.00

01:42:19.000 Like, he's one of the best guys ever on Kill Tony. 0.99

01:42:22.000 Like, Kill Tony is this podcast that we do, and they'll have, like, new comics.

01:42:27.000 Like, Open Micros will go up and do one minute.

01:42:29.000 And then it'll be, like, Dom Herrera, Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian, maybe me, and different comics.

01:42:34.000 You know, like, Russell Peters.

01:42:36.000 All these different comics will sit in and do a guest spot. 1.00

01:42:39.000 And Dom Herrera murders these fucking guys. 1.00

01:42:41.000 I mean, murders them. 1.00

01:42:43.000 He breaks it down. 0.96

01:42:44.000 I mean, and it's effortless for him.

01:42:46.000 You're crying and laughing.

01:42:47.000 I mean, that's...

01:42:48.000 If you guys ever wind up doing that as a television show, you really should have Dom on, like, permanently.

01:42:52.000 Like, he's the guy.

01:42:53.000 He should be the Patriot.

01:42:55.000 The Patriot is unnecessary, as is the singer guy.

01:42:58.000 I think we did that in New York.

01:43:01.000 Sherrod had a show at the comic strip where new comics would go on, like five of them, and then we'd sit there and judge.

01:43:10.000 But they did like five minutes.

01:43:12.000 Right.

01:43:13.000 And you don't want to...

01:43:15.000 Destroy their dreams, but you have to be honest with them, right?

01:43:18.000 You know cuz they're just gonna have false hope right and a lot of comics do have false hope because No one will tell them exactly.

01:43:27.000 No one will tell me you know This is how you do when I first started.

01:43:30.000 I mean I stunk last year, but I really stunk when I started You don't find your voice to who knows when.

01:43:38.000 There's a lot of work, and there's a lot of being honest, and there's a lot of listening to yourself, and there's a lot of correction, and everybody doesn't start from the same spot.

01:43:46.000 Some guys start out funnier than you, and you just got to accept that, and you can't judge yourself by that.

01:43:51.000 You just got to keep going.

01:43:53.000 Just keep going and keep trying to improve on what you do.

01:43:57.000 This is what I want to ask.

01:43:58.000 When you would write for Chris, what was it like?

01:44:01.000 Did you guys meet in an office?

01:44:03.000 How did it work?

01:44:04.000 For the Oscars?

01:44:05.000 For any of the things you did.

01:44:07.000 Well, the movie, we'd sit on the set.

01:44:11.000 And if you saw him do one thing...

01:44:14.000 And it didn't always have to be funny.

01:44:15.000 You can go, maybe say it that way.

01:44:19.000 Or walk in from here.

01:44:20.000 Or take your shirt off.

01:44:22.000 You know what I mean?

01:44:23.000 He just had different eyes on him.

01:44:25.000 Because he was directing besides starring.

01:44:29.000 Acting and writing.

01:44:29.000 You know, starring and writing.

01:44:31.000 So, you know, when he has different eyes, you know, he had, you know, another comic...

01:44:37.000 His name slipped my mind, and another director, Nelson George.

01:44:43.000 And his acting coach was on the set, too.

01:44:46.000 This was all for top five.

01:44:48.000 And not every day.

01:44:53.000 And you'd see something, or you'd say a line, you know.

01:44:58.000 And when Chris liked it, you could tell he liked it.

01:45:00.000 And if he didn't like it, you'd go, hmm.

01:45:02.000 You know.

01:45:02.000 Right.

01:45:03.000 And for the Oscars, he pretty much had his own stuff.

01:45:06.000 He kind of knew what he wanted to do for the Oscars.

01:45:08.000 But he would say to the comics, and he had like 13 writers.

01:45:11.000 He had, you know, Chef wrote, Apollo, Lance, and his crew.

01:45:17.000 And Stillson was the head, you know, I guess the head writer, Jeff Stillson.

01:45:22.000 You know, me.

01:45:23.000 And, you know, he'd go out to the comedy club.

01:45:27.000 And he goes, well, I'm going to Laugh Factory tonight.

01:45:30.000 Who wants to come?

01:45:31.000 Whoever wants to come, I'll be at...

01:45:32.000 And some of them didn't go.

01:45:34.000 But I went every night to sit and watch.

01:45:38.000 And, you know, this is the set he's going to do at the Oscars.

01:45:42.000 And then you give notes.

01:45:44.000 But with the Oscars, I didn't give notes right there.

01:45:48.000 I sent mine in.

01:45:49.000 And I think they went through Stilson...

01:45:53.000 Then to him.

01:45:54.000 You know?

01:45:55.000 So, I mean, I'm not going to say...

01:45:57.000 I got one or two things on, which was great.

01:46:00.000 You know?

01:46:01.000 I just wrote for the Commie Central roast for Bieber.

01:46:05.000 And I'm not a writer like that.

01:46:07.000 Bonnie's the writer.

01:46:08.000 Bonnie can write. 0.99

01:46:08.000 You want something fucking written? 0.99

01:46:10.000 You ask Bonnie. 1.00

01:46:11.000 She'll fucking write a book. 1.00

01:46:13.000 I mean, this bitch knows how to write. 1.00

01:46:16.000 I'm not fucking... 1.00

01:46:17.000 She knows how to write. 0.99

01:46:20.000 Right.

01:46:20.000 So...

01:46:21.000 But Ro's stuff, I can come up with some stuff, you know, and punching up, I'm good at, because I could see from my, you know, just from being a stand-up for 30 years and watching, you know, that there were certain things that Chris goes,

01:46:37.000 yeah, that's right.

01:46:37.000 You know, and the other comic, yeah, he's smart.

01:46:40.000 Chris is smart.

01:46:41.000 He keeps funny people around him to tell him, you know, You know what I mean?

01:46:47.000 Well, that's one of the reasons why his career's lasted so long, is that he's open-minded like that.

01:46:51.000 Yes.

01:46:52.000 You know, because there's a big drop-off in a lot of people's acts.

01:46:55.000 You know, you'll see, like, early sets are really, really good, and then, you know, as they get older and older, they become almost like a caricature of themselves.

01:47:02.000 Kinnison is always my best example of that.

01:47:04.000 Kenison, I think in 86, if he wasn't the greatest of all time, it's him in prior.

01:47:11.000 I feel like from 86 to 88, he was the greatest of all time.

01:47:14.000 I mean, he was a monster.

01:47:16.000 And people who are alive today, you have to look at him in perspective.

01:47:20.000 You have to look at him in perspective of what was around back then.

01:47:24.000 There was nothing like that then.

01:47:25.000 He came out of nowhere.

01:47:27.000 And he just didn't last. 1.00

01:47:29.000 The stuff that he put out before his death was dogshit. 0.96

01:47:33.000 It was like an open-miker doing an impression of Kinnison. 0.99

01:47:35.000 It was terrible.

01:47:36.000 Yeah, you know what?

01:47:37.000 I did. 0.99

01:47:38.000 I heard one of those albums, and I'm going, But he was way ahead of his time, you know, when it came to such edgy fucking material. 0.90

01:47:50.000 Well, he just was doing coke and partying and hanging out, and there just wasn't a lot of writing going on. 0.99

01:47:56.000 And I'm sure there was a lot of yes-men in his fucking corner. 0.99

01:48:00.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

01:48:00.000 All those guys were... 0.99

01:48:02.000 Like when Jenny... 1.00

01:48:03.000 Jenny worked with him on his specials, too, right?

01:48:05.000 Didn't he work with him on some of his material?

01:48:07.000 I don't know who worked with him on his specials.

01:48:08.000 I was always fascinated, like, how they did that.

01:48:10.000 If they sat in a room and went over material, if they...

01:48:13.000 I've seen Chris prepare.

01:48:14.000 I've seen him come down.

01:48:16.000 I was at Bananas one night on a weekend, the one in Jersey, and I saw him at the...

01:48:22.000 He goes, so you're at Bananas this weekend.

01:48:25.000 I go, if you want to stop, stop in.

01:48:27.000 He stopped in on Saturday.

01:48:30.000 This was two years ago.

01:48:31.000 And did 45 minutes.

01:48:32.000 But he was working out stuff.

01:48:35.000 It was all new stuff.

01:48:38.000 So when is he stopping in?

01:48:39.000 Is he doing it after your set or something like that?

01:48:41.000 No, he went on before me.

01:48:42.000 You were the headliner?

01:48:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:48:44.000 So you wait an extra 45 minutes before you go out?

01:48:47.000 No big deal.

01:48:48.000 The middle, we took off the show.

01:48:51.000 We took the middle off.

01:48:57.000 Right, right, right.

01:49:11.000 And some killed some.

01:49:12.000 You know, when you're Chris Rock and you're Seinfeld or Louie, you have, I guess, a three-minute pass to walk on stage and the audience is like, whoa!

01:49:25.000 But you have to be funny.

01:49:27.000 Right.

01:49:27.000 After you get that...

01:49:28.000 Right, don't periscope the fucking show. 1.00

01:49:30.000 Just stop. 1.00

01:49:31.000 Just stop.

01:49:32.000 Just pay attention.

01:49:32.000 Just talk.

01:49:33.000 Jesus Christ.

01:49:34.000 So, you know what I mean?

01:49:36.000 You get a free few-minute pass.

01:49:39.000 But even with his new stuff...

01:49:43.000 It was almost honed, so he had it, you know.

01:49:46.000 And you would see Chris walk up to the cellar, come in, when he's working on a new, walk in with his notebook, put it down, you know.

01:49:53.000 And he would throw old stuff in to, you know, to keep the crowd going, you know.

01:50:00.000 But you watch him.

01:50:04.000 And it's brilliant, but the thing I love about, love about, he loves comedy.

01:50:09.000 He knows comedy.

01:50:10.000 Like, we'll sit and talk and, like, we'll say Rita Rudner.

01:50:13.000 He'll go, one of the best joke writers ever.

01:50:15.000 And she is a great joke writer.

01:50:17.000 Rita Rudner knows how to write a joke. 0.99

01:50:19.000 You know, and Chris knows fucking comedy. 0.99

01:50:22.000 He could talk. 0.99

01:50:23.000 He said to my wife, he goes, look, if you have a fucking hour of good material and you're a female and you're not famous, something's fucking wrong. 1.00

01:50:30.000 Right? 0.99

01:50:30.000 You know? 0.99

01:50:31.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:50:32.000 I mean, a good hour, you know, for a female, a good hour, you know, he knows comedy. 1.00

01:50:39.000 He fucking loves comedy. 0.95

01:50:41.000 And that's why I love being with Bonnie. 0.99

01:50:43.000 She loves comedy.

01:50:45.000 She knows comedy.

01:50:47.000 She could break down and see, you know... 0.82

01:50:49.000 What's good and what's bad.

01:50:50.000 What's bad and what's hacked.

01:50:51.000 She'll tell me, you can't do that.

01:50:53.000 Do you write, like, in front of a computer, on a piece of paper, or do you just write on stage?

01:50:58.000 It just got to come to me on stage.

01:50:59.000 Like, I... I have this...

01:51:03.000 The best bit I read recently came to me from being on stage and it just kills. 0.99

01:51:12.000 It just fucking kills. 0.98

01:51:14.000 I'm opening my hour with it. 0.99

01:51:15.000 You don't ever try to like sit down in front of a computer?

01:51:18.000 Never.

01:51:18.000 Never in a million.

01:51:19.000 If I was writing for like Tough Crowd or on Red Eye or, you know, when I was on one of those roundtables, yeah, you gotta write fucking dumb jokes. 0.99

01:51:26.000 And even for Red Eye, I barely, I write a line and hopefully I can ad-lib my way through the show because, you know, it's fucking the day. 0.99

01:51:34.000 I'm not getting paid anyhow. 0.99

01:51:35.000 So what the fuck? 0.99

01:51:36.000 How much? 0.99

01:51:36.000 But with Tough Crowd, I wrote stuff. 0.99

01:51:39.000 What is that Fox News show?

01:51:41.000 Yeah, Fox late at night.

01:51:43.000 It's a roundtable.

01:51:44.000 Do you film it late at night?

01:51:45.000 No, they film at 8 a.m.

01:51:49.000 And it comes on at night.

01:51:51.000 It's a good show for what it is.

01:51:54.000 Bonnie's guest hosting it tonight.

01:51:56.000 She's guest hosting.

01:51:57.000 She'll be on tonight.

01:51:58.000 I've never watched it.

01:51:59.000 I've seen a couple clips of comics on it or people saying controversial things on it, but I've never understood what it is.

01:52:06.000 It's like any of the other roundtable shows.

01:52:08.000 It's on Fox News?

01:52:10.000 Yeah, I used to do Joey Behar when she was on CNN, and that was Roundtable.

01:52:16.000 She's a bright woman. 0.99

01:52:17.000 She's fucking smart. 0.99

01:52:18.000 Very bright. 1.00

01:52:19.000 But she's so left.

01:52:21.000 Look, when you're so left and so right, to me, a lot of it...

01:52:28.000 You become delusional.

01:52:29.000 Well, it gets ideological, like you're locked into a certain rigid way of thinking.

01:52:34.000 You've got to have a bending point.

01:52:36.000 It can't be all white and black.

01:52:38.000 It just can't be.

01:52:39.000 What is her big issues? 1.00

01:52:41.000 Well, I mean, she's just so left.

01:52:43.000 She hates the right.

01:52:46.000 Bush, everything he did was completely wrong.

01:52:48.000 Everything Obama does is completely right.

01:52:50.000 So she's an Obama supporter even after all these years?

01:52:54.000 Well, I haven't done her show in so long, but she's very left-wing. 1.00

01:52:59.000 Is she still on that show?

01:53:01.000 No, no, it's gone.

01:53:02.000 But she was so pro-comic and so, you know, I mean, her show, she had comics on all the time.

01:53:09.000 I did her show 23 times, you know, two emails.

01:53:14.000 She sent you two emails?

01:53:16.000 No, from fans.

01:53:17.000 That's all you got?

01:53:18.000 No.

01:53:19.000 Her fan base was a little older.

01:53:21.000 They don't get online?

01:53:23.000 No, they don't go. 0.99

01:53:23.000 They don't fucking write you emails. 0.99

01:53:25.000 You get emails from NIST. Old Democrats that live in the city. 0.99

01:53:28.000 Is that what it is?

01:53:29.000 Yeah.

01:53:30.000 They're going to email me.

01:53:31.000 You were funny. 1.00

01:53:32.000 That the fuck? 1.00

01:53:33.000 But she's pro-comic. 1.00

01:53:35.000 She was great in our movie. 0.96

01:53:37.000 She did our movie.

01:53:40.000 You know, so her Red Eye is basically that type of show. 1.00

01:53:43.000 To me, you know, People say Bill Maher's show was the first, but Tough Crowd was the first of comics pretty much saying what they wanted to say, 1.00

01:53:59.000 and saying what you couldn't say on other shows, and not only disagreeing with somebody, smacking them around a little for being stupid. 0.99

01:54:08.000 Okay, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:54:10.000 Yeah, it was a great show.

01:54:11.000 Why don't they bring that back?

01:54:14.000 Tough Crowd, bring it back.

01:54:17.000 I mean, Colin Quinn's still alive. 1.00

01:54:18.000 What the fuck? 0.99

01:54:20.000 Is he doing a podcast? 0.99

01:54:21.000 Because it's not even going to be a good podcast, Tough Crowd podcast.

01:54:24.000 Comicery.

01:54:24.000 It might be better that way, actually.

01:54:26.000 Colin puts out one-man shows.

01:54:28.000 He's working on his next one.

01:54:29.000 He did Unconstitutional.

01:54:32.000 He did the one before it.

01:54:34.000 Does he like doing that better than stand-up? 0.97

01:54:36.000 Well, I guess he's so fucking brilliant, man.

01:54:41.000 I guess stand-up is too easy for him, or he's not saying anything he wants to say like he's doing in these one-man shows, you know? 0.91

01:54:50.000 Maybe it feels confined by the desire to get, you know, you have to get laughs every X amount of seconds.

01:54:59.000 He can go into theaters and do these shows.

01:55:02.000 You can't do these shows in comedy clubs, really.

01:55:05.000 Right.

01:55:05.000 It's a different kind of show.

01:55:07.000 Yes, it's a whole different thing.

01:55:09.000 I just talked to him when I was driving here.

01:55:12.000 I go, you done with your thing?

01:55:14.000 He goes, yeah, a book deal.

01:55:16.000 He's done with his book. 0.99

01:55:18.000 But the guy's always fucking creating. 0.99

01:55:20.000 He's always creating. 0.98

01:55:24.000 Is he a happy guy?

01:55:25.000 I think he's really centered.

01:55:28.000 You know, I think he's really centered. 0.95

01:55:30.000 Because I called him about something one day that I was really fucking torn apart about.

01:55:36.000 He goes, did you go to a meeting? 0.90

01:55:39.000 Or whatever.

01:55:40.000 He goes... 1.00

01:55:42.000 It's all bullshit. 1.00

01:55:44.000 Go fucking get in touch with what's really bothering you. 1.00

01:55:48.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:55:49.000 So he's pretty centered as a person.

01:55:51.000 And I think he's comfortable in his own skin.

01:55:58.000 You know what I mean?

01:55:59.000 So many people are not comfortable in their hiding. 0.87

01:56:04.000 Well, that's why he's really good at playing that silly part on Twitter.

01:56:09.000 If you go to Colin Quinn's Twitter, if you don't understand his sense of humor, people are like, where's the funny?

01:56:16.000 I'm not seeing how you're funny.

01:56:19.000 You're missing what he's doing.

01:56:21.000 And he doesn't try to convert those people, ever.

01:56:23.000 You don't see him arguing with them.

01:56:25.000 He doesn't block him like I will. 1.00

01:56:27.000 He's fucking... 1.00

01:56:28.000 It's so... 1.00

01:56:30.000 They don't get the fact that he's making fun of everything and he's playing a character on there. 0.99

01:56:37.000 It's so fucking... 0.97

01:56:38.000 They had a big article in New York Times about him on Twitter. 0.99

01:56:42.000 How good he is on Twitter.

01:56:44.000 He's like the number one.

01:56:46.000 I heard Norm McDonald's really funny.

01:56:51.000 He does golf, play-by-play golf. 0.99

01:56:54.000 I heard it's fucking brilliant. 0.97

01:56:57.000 Norm's just funny. 0.98

01:56:57.000 Period. 0.98

01:56:59.000 So yeah, Colin.

01:57:01.000 Probably the reason the show never came back.

01:57:03.000 Well, one...

01:57:05.000 It leaned a little to the right.

01:57:08.000 You know, I mean Nick leaned to the right.

01:57:11.000 Colin leaned to the right.

01:57:13.000 I guess Geraldo was neutral.

01:57:15.000 He was a little more left.

01:57:16.000 Yeah, he was who Geraldo?

01:57:17.000 Yeah, he was left.

01:57:18.000 He was left.

01:57:19.000 Norton's a little right.

01:57:20.000 Was at the time a little to right.

01:57:22.000 Norton's more neutral now.

01:57:24.000 Yeah.

01:57:24.000 I was...

01:57:25.000 More to the right then, but I'm neutral now.

01:57:27.000 Well, I think what Norton was, he was, and still is, I think, he's anti the hypocrisy of the left. 0.99

01:57:33.000 That's what I, that's completely the hypocrite. 0.90

01:57:36.000 Yeah, because it's like all the idea, if you put it on paper and you had a checklist of what do you actually support, gay marriage, check, you know, racial equality, check, like all the things that the left pushes for, I'm in their corner on almost all of it. 0.99

01:57:50.000 But then it gets to certain things that That you just go, well, you guys are just silly.

01:57:55.000 There's certain aspects of any all-left or all-right ideology. 0.67

01:58:01.000 The worst thing to me is when I'm talking to someone and they talk about the Democrats, like, look, we got a win in 2016. What is this we?

01:58:09.000 Are you...

01:58:11.000 Are you running for president?

01:58:12.000 We gotta win?

01:58:14.000 Is this a team for you?

01:58:15.000 And then you realize, well, it kind of is a team for them. 0.99

01:58:17.000 It becomes this, you know, Patriots versus the fucking Steelers or something. 0.99

01:58:21.000 It just gets to one of those things. 0.99

01:58:23.000 People voted for Obama.

01:58:29.000 See, a lot of young...

01:58:30.000 If you're under 25, you're not supposed... 0.91

01:58:33.000 You shouldn't have a point of view. 1.00

01:58:34.000 Shut your fucking mouth. 1.00

01:58:35.000 You haven't lived long enough to know. 1.00

01:58:38.000 Yeah, you probably shouldn't be able to vote unless you could write a paper explaining why you want Obama or this guy.

01:58:48.000 And then you could have it read by people who, you know, have a brain, have life experience.

01:58:54.000 But that doesn't make sense either because...

01:58:56.000 Well, people, when he won, people wanted something different.

01:59:01.000 But people voted the first election out of emotions, not out of intellect.

01:59:07.000 Well, I thought he was good out of intellect.

01:59:09.000 I thought he was good.

01:59:10.000 First of all, he was so much more articulate than Bush.

01:59:14.000 But he wasn't running against Bush.

01:59:15.000 But it doesn't matter.

01:59:16.000 It's like, coming back from that, it's like, okay, now we have someone who actually can talk, who's obviously brilliant.

01:59:23.000 He's a very smart person. 0.97

01:59:24.000 And his ideas, like the ideas about closing Guantanamo Bay, getting out of his fucking wars. 0.98

01:59:29.000 Did it happen? 0.99

01:59:30.000 No, it didn't.

01:59:30.000 But that's what you learn.

01:59:32.000 You learn from a guy like Obama that it doesn't matter.

01:59:35.000 That this...

01:59:38.000 What politics is really all about is about stroking the back of the people that got you there.

01:59:44.000 It's a business.

01:59:45.000 What you got to do to keep your business running. 0.99

01:59:49.000 Farrakhan is a fucking brilliant speaker. 0.99

01:59:52.000 Have you ever heard him speak? 0.99

01:59:54.000 He's a great speaker. 0.99

01:59:56.000 He fucking captivates. 0.98

01:59:58.000 He keeps you... 0.99

02:00:04.000 But what are they saying? 0.99

02:00:05.000 What is any politician saying that hasn't been fucking said before? 0.98

02:00:10.000 Not much. 0.99

02:00:10.000 Okay? 0.99

02:00:11.000 They're saying the same thing in a different change. 0.99

02:00:15.000 Yeah, well, of course everybody wants fucking change. 0.97

02:00:18.000 Nobody's fucking happy that, you know... 0.98

02:00:23.000 Mortgages are sky high. 0.98

02:00:24.000 Interest rates are fucking less than half a percent. 0.88

02:00:28.000 Nobody wants to, you know, at times the gas prices were $4 a gallon. 0.98

02:00:32.000 Yeah, of course you want change. 0.99

02:00:34.000 But all that other stuff is bullshit. 1.00

02:00:36.000 It's all bullshit. 1.00

02:00:38.000 It's just them trying to keep their business fucking running. 1.00

02:00:41.000 That's my opinion. 0.98

02:00:42.000 And their business involves having people donate money to them to get them into office.

02:00:45.000 Yeah.

02:00:45.000 And then keeping those people happy once they get in office.

02:00:47.000 I mean, that's what we found out about Obama.

02:00:49.000 Obama just, if you look at him on paper, first of all, the stuff that he's done against whistleblowers, that was a whole part of his campaign, that if someone comes forward exposing illegal activity, we will protect them.

02:01:01.000 I mean, that was a part of The We Are Change website.

02:01:04.000 They redacted that from the website in light of the Edward Snowden and Chelsea Handler shit. 0.98

02:01:12.000 Chelsea Handler. 0.98

02:01:13.000 Chelsea Manning.

02:01:15.000 What if she take off her shirt again? 0.99

02:01:18.000 No, that's how strong Chelsea Handler is as a personality. 0.96

02:01:21.000 You say the word Chelsea, you have to say Handler after it.

02:01:24.000 Not even Clinton.

02:01:26.000 Not even Chelsea Clinton. 0.89

02:01:28.000 You know, all that shit that happened with WikiLeaks, you know, the idea that they're protecting whistleblowers has been debunked. 0.92

02:01:38.000 I mean, there's none of that. 0.94

02:01:40.000 I mean, that was part of the promise that they were saying in office, like, if people come forth and expose illegal activity, we're going to protect them.

02:01:46.000 Well, they did, and you didn't. 0.98

02:01:48.000 And that was a core component of what people were looking forward from him, that he was going to be different than these fucking criminals that were in charge before he was in there. 0.99

02:01:56.000 Fucking the FBI, even your local detective, is not going to fucking burn their informants. 0.99

02:02:03.000 Because their informants are what are giving them numbers. 0.99

02:02:08.000 But the problem is, what these guys, what Edward Snowden did, what Chelsea Manning did, was expose them.

02:02:16.000 And, you know, that's the government.

02:02:18.000 That's the very people that he works for.

02:02:20.000 So the idea of whistleblowers wasn't nearly as attractive when they were blowing the whistle on the actual government themselves. 1.00

02:02:25.000 The guys in your fucking building. 0.97

02:02:26.000 They weren't like whistleblowing on corporations or whistleblowing on, you know, the people that fucking spilled the oil out in the middle of the Gulf Coast. 1.00

02:02:33.000 It was the actual government itself, the NSA, the CIA. Do you think since he's been in office, and this is...

02:02:42.000 I mean, racial divide has grown, I think, immensely since he's been in office.

02:02:50.000 In some ways.

02:02:50.000 In some ways it's actually come around.

02:02:53.000 I think people are united in a sense in a lot of ways because they realize how much racism there really is.

02:02:59.000 How much racism black people have to deal with when it comes to the police.

02:03:03.000 When you watch all these videos of black people being harassed by the cops or beaten up by the cops or that Eric Gardner guy getting choked to death in New York. 1.00

02:03:10.000 Ridiculous. 1.00

02:03:10.000 It should never happen. 1.00

02:03:11.000 Should have never happened.

02:03:12.000 It probably wouldn't happen if there was a white guy in a suit, and we all know that. 0.98

02:03:18.000 But you know, as much as the media exploits, every now and every fucking time you see now there's a cop doing something wrong or doing this wrong or doing... 0.99

02:03:30.000 You're not seeing, you know, four fucking criminals walking down the street. 0.99

02:03:37.000 You don't know if they're fucking packing a weapon. 0.99

02:03:40.000 You don't see them harassed. 0.99

02:03:42.000 It's all, right now, what's selling fucking papers now. 0.99

02:03:46.000 And we're saying papers loosely, is what are the cops doing to black people? 0.99

02:03:51.000 That's what's selling right now.

02:03:53.000 That's what's headlines are.

02:03:55.000 And look, as many bad cops, and you know it's maybe one out of 20. One out of, you know, the percentages, you know, like this.

02:04:07.000 This lady, I didn't see the documentary, made a documentary about AA. All the predators in AA, all the criminals and this and that, and people taking advantage.

02:04:17.000 Well, guess what? 1.00

02:04:18.000 You got fucking people in rooms that were fucking ex-heroin addicts, in and out of jail, some killers, some this. 1.00

02:04:31.000 Yeah, there's going to be some fucked up people. 1.00

02:04:33.000 What's the numbers that you're dealing with? 0.99

02:04:34.000 You're dealing with millions and millions of people.

02:04:36.000 Look at it this way. 0.98

02:04:37.000 How many people do you think get arrested by the cops or have interaction with the cops every fucking day of the week across the entire country? 0.98

02:04:45.000 It's got to be in the hundreds of thousands of interactions every day. 1.00

02:04:49.000 So these glaring instances like the guy in South Carolina that shot that guy, fucked up. 1.00

02:04:54.000 Unbelievably fucked up. 1.00

02:04:55.000 What happened in Baltimore? 1.00

02:04:57.000 Fucked up. 0.95

02:04:58.000 What happened in Ferguson? 1.00

02:04:59.000 Fucked up. 1.00

02:05:00.000 Those fucked up instances, those become like something that they can focus on. 1.00

02:05:06.000 Because those are these blips. 0.80

02:05:09.000 And in the overall scheme of things, in comparison to how many interactions people actually have with the cops...

02:05:16.000 The amount of times people get shot in those situations are fairly small.

02:05:21.000 But we're dealing with hundreds of millions of people and the interactions of hundreds of millions of people on a daily basis.

02:05:27.000 And you're going to find things to focus on.

02:05:29.000 Does it mean there's no problem? 1.00

02:05:31.000 No, there's definitely a fucking problem. 0.99

02:05:33.000 If one of those things happen, that's a problem. 0.99

02:05:36.000 That one instance is a problem.

02:05:38.000 That thing in Staten Island was unwatchable.

02:05:40.000 Which one?

02:05:41.000 Oh, the choke?

02:05:42.000 Yeah, it was unwatchable. 0.99

02:05:46.000 Do you think the cops went in there with the mindset, I want to kill this guy? 0.99

02:05:51.000 Well, they fucked up because they were getting, well, first of all, they use cops to collect revenue. 0.99

02:05:56.000 That's a problem. 1.00

02:05:57.000 That's part of the problem.

02:05:59.000 It's like they use cops to write tickets, they use cops to make arrests, they have quotas. 0.99

02:06:04.000 That's fucked up. 0.98

02:06:05.000 They're doing that because they want to make money and they want these cops to be profitable for them. 1.00

02:06:09.000 If no one did any crime, what the fuck would cops do if they have quotas? 0.99

02:06:14.000 If there was no crime, if the whole country agreed to have a moratorium on crime for like three weeks, What the fuck would everybody do? 0.99

02:06:22.000 They would have to start planning crime. 0.99

02:06:25.000 They'd have to start faking crime and arresting people for shit that didn't happen. 0.97

02:06:28.000 Yeah, but that's the same as saying if there was no fires, firemen wouldn't have to... 0.98

02:06:31.000 No, it's not.

02:06:32.000 Because there's oftentimes no fires for years, and no one ever talks about, like, hey, we don't need the fire department anymore.

02:06:39.000 Everybody knows that fires are always possible.

02:06:41.000 So you want to keep a fire department.

02:06:43.000 If anybody ever ran for mayor and said, look, we don't need a fire department.

02:06:47.000 Everybody just stop playing with matches.

02:06:48.000 All right, we're good.

02:06:49.000 We just cut money off the budget. 1.00

02:06:50.000 They would go, well, what the fuck are you talking about? 0.99

02:06:53.000 But the idea of having no cops because there's no crime, people would welcome that. 0.99

02:06:59.000 They would welcome that.

02:07:00.000 Like, oh, we don't need cops.

02:07:01.000 There's no crime anymore.

02:07:02.000 Like, you can't...

02:07:04.000 You can't, like, force these people to make arrests.

02:07:08.000 And the idea of putting quotas on cops, if you have lazy cops that don't go out and enforce the law, well, then you need to get better cops.

02:07:16.000 But what you can't do is you can't make people arrest people.

02:07:19.000 Because if you make people arrest people, you're assuming someone's gonna do something bad.

02:07:23.000 If no one did anything bad, isn't that the whole point of having a police presence?

02:07:28.000 Like, the whole point of having a police presence is people realize, oh, there's cops, I don't want to do anything bad. 0.99

02:07:34.000 But if that happened, those cops would be fucked, because they have quotas. 0.99

02:07:38.000 You know, and people try to say there's no quotas. 1.00

02:07:41.000 Bullshit! 1.00

02:07:41.000 Of course there's quotas. 1.00

02:07:42.000 Traffic quotas. 1.00

02:07:42.000 Bullfucking shit. 1.00

02:07:43.000 I know, cops. 1.00

02:07:44.000 They tell me.

02:07:45.000 Even if there's unwritten quotas, there's quotas.

02:07:47.000 There's pressure on them to arrest people.

02:07:49.000 And it's been proven time and time again that there's quotas.

02:07:52.000 And it varies by department.

02:07:55.000 It varies by city and state.

02:07:57.000 But without a doubt, there's a lot of pressure on people to arrest people.

02:08:00.000 So they can get funding.

02:08:02.000 Yes, yes, of course. 0.95

02:08:03.000 I mean, that's how they make money in these fucking asset forfeiture situations where people are getting their money taken from them. 0.99

02:08:12.000 This fucking kid, there was one on Amtrak. 0.99

02:08:15.000 The DEA is catching people on Amtrak because some kid had money saved up. 1.00

02:08:21.000 He had $16,000 on him.

02:08:22.000 Clean criminal record. 1.00

02:08:24.000 No fucking history of drug sales. 1.00

02:08:26.000 No history of drug use. 1.00

02:08:28.000 They took his fucking money. 1.00

02:08:30.000 What do you mean? 1.00

02:08:31.000 Amtrak.

02:08:32.000 Civil forfeiture.

02:08:33.000 The DEA is involved in these civil forfeiture cases. 1.00

02:08:36.000 It's fucking disgusting, man. 0.99

02:08:37.000 Here's one of them. 1.00

02:08:39.000 Richland.

02:08:39.000 $4.1 million police station funded by civil forfeiture.

02:08:44.000 You fucking criminals. 1.00

02:08:46.000 Criminals! 1.00

02:08:47.000 You're stealing money from the people that you're supposed to be fucking protecting. 1.00

02:08:52.000 They steal, and then you have to take them to court, and you have to try to get that money back. 0.99

02:08:56.000 Even if somebody made money from selling drugs, even if they made money from selling drugs, that's not the fucking police department's money. 0.98

02:09:06.000 They can't take that money and buy margarita machines and all this shit they've been accused of doing. 0.97

02:09:11.000 Because that's what they have been- they've been convicted of doing that. 0.99

02:09:14.000 It's awful.

02:09:15.000 Well, it's a whole corrupt society, you know, I mean... 0.99

02:09:18.000 Well, it's corrupt because they've been allowed to be corrupt, because they've got incompetent shitheads that are running these police departments, and good cops are forced into bad situations. 1.00

02:09:27.000 If you have it on the books that they're allowed to take money from people, then it's up to their discretion, and then you have these fucking idiots that, you know, just decide to pull the trigger, and you're gonna have... 1.00

02:09:38.000 A certain amount of idiots in any group of people. 1.00

02:09:41.000 If you have 500 people, you've got five idiots no matter what you do. 1.00

02:09:45.000 No matter what you do, you poll any 500 people. 1.00

02:09:48.000 Five of them you're going to want to kill with a fucking hammer. 1.00

02:09:50.000 They're assholes. 1.00

02:09:52.000 No matter what you do, there's a certain amount of people that are just dumb as shit. 1.00

02:09:55.000 There's four in this room, and I know one of these is an idiot right here, me. 1.00

02:09:59.000 You're not an idiot, bitch. 1.00

02:10:00.000 You just occasionally sound like one. 1.00

02:10:03.000 Here's... 1.00

02:10:05.000 Look, if they want to take your property and build a highway through your fucking property, they'll do it. 0.99

02:10:12.000 No, they're not. 0.99

02:10:12.000 They're not going to do it. 0.99

02:10:13.000 They're not doing it anymore.

02:10:14.000 They're not doing it anymore because of stories like that, because people find out about asset forfeiture.

02:10:18.000 They've started to rescind those laws.

02:10:20.000 They've started to pull those laws back. 0.92

02:10:22.000 They shouldn't just pull those balls back. 0.99

02:10:24.000 They should put everyone who fucking was a part of that in jail. 1.00

02:10:27.000 Everyone who let people take some kid's $16,000 and you make them go to court for it. 0.99

02:10:32.000 You know how much money it costs to fight against, and then you have to pull receipts for how you made that $16,000?

02:10:39.000 This is supposed to be America, okay? 0.65

02:10:42.000 You're supposed to be innocent until proven guilty. 0.99

02:10:45.000 $16,000 isn't that much fucking money. 0.98

02:10:48.000 It's not like the guy had $2 billion in gold bullion. 0.99

02:10:51.000 Like, where'd you get it? 1.00

02:10:52.000 Fuck you! 1.00

02:10:53.000 Like, hey, settle down, buddy. 1.00

02:10:55.000 You might have done something illegal to get $2 billion.

02:10:58.000 You're only 12. No, this is a kid who earned money, and they stole it from him because they decided it was reasonably suspicious.

02:11:05.000 But you're going from a whole different... 0.99

02:11:10.000 The police officer on the street doing what they got to do to stop crime and stay alive to the bureaucrats that are passing these fucking laws. 0.99

02:11:20.000 And they're just pawns. 0.99

02:11:22.000 The cops are just pawns in the chess game. 0.99

02:11:24.000 Well, they may start out as pawns, but somewhere along the line, a lot of times they wind up being fucking... 1.00

02:11:29.000 Legal criminals. 1.00

02:11:30.000 They wind up doing what should be illegal shit, but it is legal. 1.00

02:11:34.000 So does half the club owners we work for. 0.99

02:11:35.000 So does half the corporations.

02:11:39.000 One just got caught dumping... 1.00

02:11:41.000 They're all fucking... 1.00

02:11:44.000 The banks are the biggest... 1.00

02:11:47.000 Less than half a percent interest, but when a loan, you take out a loan, you're paying, what, 4%, 5% interest, 6% on a loan?

02:11:56.000 But you agree to do that.

02:11:58.000 I mean, that's something you say, well, okay, I'll agree to this.

02:12:00.000 I need that money.

02:12:01.000 You have no choice.

02:12:02.000 The choice is to not get that loan.

02:12:05.000 There's a big difference between that and someone stealing your money when they pull you over because they decide you shouldn't have $10,000 on you.

02:12:12.000 They've been doing that for a long time.

02:12:14.000 They've been pulling people over for a long time just taking their money.

02:12:17.000 Because if you have money on you, you have to prove that you got that money through legal means. 0.99

02:12:21.000 That is bullshit. 0.98

02:12:22.000 And, you know, it's situations like that that engender or create this lack of trust in law enforcement. 1.00

02:12:31.000 You created an enemy.

02:12:33.000 You created an enemy in that kid.

02:12:34.000 That kid is going to distrust the DEA and the FBI and the CIA. And anybody that pulls him over, he's going to distrust them forever because you ruined his life for a long period of time.

02:12:44.000 The time he's got to go to court, the sleepless nights he spent thinking of this smirking cunt That stole his fucking money with a badge on. 1.00

02:12:51.000 That criminal with a fucking badge on. 1.00

02:12:53.000 But you know what? 1.00

02:12:55.000 Look.

02:12:55.000 I'm a little upset.

02:12:57.000 You didn't even take money from me, Rich.

02:12:59.000 What am I pitching on? 0.89

02:13:00.000 Black people. 0.99

02:13:01.000 You can't even imagine a struggle because you're not black. 1.00

02:13:04.000 White liberals go, oh, I know your struggle. 0.99

02:13:06.000 You don't know the struggle.

02:13:06.000 No, they don't know.

02:13:07.000 You don't know the struggles.

02:13:08.000 You don't leave the house every day in fear.

02:13:11.000 Okay.

02:13:12.000 How about that stop-and-frisk shit they were doing in New York? 0.99

02:13:15.000 That's all being exploited. 0.99

02:13:18.000 And I agree.

02:13:19.000 I grew up in a black nation.

02:13:21.000 I've seen it.

02:13:22.000 I never felt it or lived it, but I've seen it.

02:13:25.000 Okay?

02:13:25.000 Because that's where I grew up.

02:13:26.000 So I had the feeling of anti-Semitism that I could feel because that's what I see and feel. 0.97

02:13:35.000 But you will never see the story of the cops that went in and stopped a gang war or broke up, you know, a husband from killing his fucking wife on a domestic call that saved his wife and that family's life. 0.97

02:13:51.000 And risked their lives. 0.99

02:13:52.000 And saved two kids because the fucking father or even the mother... 1.00

02:13:57.000 Fucking lost it. 1.00

02:13:58.000 Some dummy, some bureaucrat, some dummy, some administrator, whoever the fuck, passed those regulations that allowed cops to steal money from people. 1.00

02:14:05.000 They're the problem. 0.99

02:14:06.000 You gave them legal power.

02:14:08.000 You gave them a green light, and you made it where it's not even against the law.

02:14:12.000 And so they feel like they're justified in doing that.

02:14:14.000 You've got to be very careful of the power that you give people, because it's very difficult to take that power back.

02:14:19.000 And it's also very difficult to take that righteous attitude.

02:14:22.000 They have this attitude like what they're doing is just because it's legal.

02:14:26.000 Because they can't look at it objectively.

02:14:27.000 It's hard.

02:14:28.000 But don't you think...

02:14:30.000 In the morning...

02:14:34.000 Five cops.

02:14:35.000 You take five cops.

02:14:38.000 Roll call.

02:14:39.000 They listen.

02:14:40.000 Don't you think...

02:14:41.000 I don't know what percentage, but let's even say seven out of ten...

02:14:47.000 Five, and then there's seven out of ten.

02:14:49.000 No, no, I was just going to use five cops.

02:14:50.000 I don't even know how many grams were announced.

02:14:52.000 But say whatever the percentage is.

02:14:54.000 Okay.

02:14:54.000 That most of those cops aren't going to work going, I'm going to find somebody and take money.

02:14:59.000 I would bet that most of those cops are going, I'm going to try to do something good today.

02:15:05.000 I'm going to try to stop.

02:15:07.000 I'm sure a lot of them do. 1.00

02:15:08.000 I'm sure more are there to protect and serve than there are to fuck you over. 0.99

02:15:16.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

02:15:17.000 So the ones that are there risking their lives, because they're going to a job where they might not come home. 0.98

02:15:23.000 They might not fucking come home. 0.97

02:15:25.000 Like I said, it's not them. 1.00

02:15:26.000 It's the fucking people that give them laws, that pass laws that allow them to do these things. 0.99

02:15:32.000 They make it legal. 1.00

02:15:33.000 But the law you're talking about is where they can take that money.

02:15:36.000 That's just one of them.

02:15:37.000 How about stop and frisk? 1.00

02:15:39.000 Imagine if you're a black guy and you're walking down New York and you've done nothing wrong, you're going to school, and some asshole with a fucking chip on his shoulder thinks it's okay for him to touch your body and start rifling through your fucking pockets for no reason. 1.00

02:15:52.000 Maybe he calls you a racial slur in the process if you resist him. 1.00

02:15:56.000 And there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it. 0.97

02:15:58.000 But do you don't think that Happens in in white areas. 0.96

02:16:01.000 It doesn't matter if it happens in white areas I'm just saying like it's not just happening at all because you gave them the possibility you let them on paper You made it legal for them to do that as soon as you make it legal for them to do things that are inappropriate that don't make any sense like if there's no there's no real reasonable Like,

02:16:20.000 reason to search someone.

02:16:22.000 They're not in the middle of something criminal.

02:16:24.000 They're not doing anything suspicious.

02:16:26.000 They're just walking down the street.

02:16:27.000 That's discrimination.

02:16:29.000 And you're giving them a legal precedent. 0.99

02:16:31.000 You're giving them a legal, on paper, reason to pull someone over and be a cunt. 1.00

02:16:35.000 Okay. 1.00

02:16:36.000 And you're right.

02:16:38.000 But how many serial killers, how many rapists, how many kidnappers have been caught due to profiling?

02:16:49.000 The FBI, I mean...

02:16:53.000 That's not profiling.

02:16:55.000 Stop and Frisk is not profiling.

02:16:57.000 Yes, it is profiling because they're looking at people...

02:16:59.000 Black people? 0.77

02:17:00.000 How many people were white that got pulled over for Stop and Frisk?

02:17:05.000 How do you know in Ohio that you're just looking at...

02:17:08.000 That's a New York City law. 1.00

02:17:10.000 That stop and frisk shit? 0.99

02:17:11.000 It was only in New York. 1.00

02:17:12.000 That was where it was widely criticized.

02:17:14.000 I'm sure cops do similar things in other places. 0.81

02:17:18.000 Well, yes, they stop you. 1.00

02:17:19.000 If you're going through fucking Toledo, Ohio, and you see four white kids that look like trouble, that fit a profile, cops will fuck with them. 0.99

02:17:30.000 Well, they'll ask me questions, but they're not legally allowed to start searching through their pockets like they were in New York. 1.00

02:17:35.000 What they were doing in New York that's stop and frisk shit is bullshit. 1.00

02:17:39.000 That's fucked up. 1.00

02:17:40.000 Okay, I don't know enough about it. 0.99

02:17:41.000 I don't know the crime statistics.

02:17:43.000 I do, do believe...

02:17:46.000 In certain types of profiling.

02:17:48.000 But we wouldn't catch half the...

02:17:50.000 You know, all the terrorism that has been stopped in this country, which we don't even know about.

02:17:55.000 And there's been a lot. 0.99

02:17:56.000 Okay, since 9-11, they have caught a lot of fucking people. 1.00

02:18:00.000 They've also entrapped a lot of people and forced them into doing terrorist shit. 1.00

02:18:04.000 Like that guy in Dallas. 0.99

02:18:05.000 They took some guy who was mentally challenged.

02:18:07.000 They forced him into this situation where they gave him a fake bomb and gave him a cellular phone to detonate it.

02:18:14.000 And then as soon as he tried to detonate it, they arrested him.

02:18:17.000 Serious?

02:18:17.000 Yeah, that's a famous case.

02:18:19.000 They tricked this dummy and they talked to him.

02:18:22.000 The guy probably would have never found the means or the resources to have this bomb in the first place.

02:18:27.000 Now he's in jail for the rest of his life.

02:18:28.000 But wait, was he... 0.54

02:18:30.000 He was willing to make that call and blow that bomb up. 0.93

02:18:33.000 Okay, well guess what?

02:18:35.000 You can convince people to join Scientology.

02:18:38.000 You can convince people. 0.97

02:18:39.000 Once they join Scientology, should you arrest them for being retarded? 0.99

02:18:42.000 Okay, here's the thing. 1.00

02:18:43.000 I don't know the story, but if a cop can convince them, so can a fucking... 0.99

02:18:49.000 Yes. 0.99

02:18:50.000 So can...

02:18:50.000 So true.

02:18:51.000 So true. 1.00

02:18:52.000 But there's a lot of idiots out there. 1.00

02:18:54.000 And guess what? 1.00

02:18:56.000 Profiling helps stopping those fucking idiots from committing these fucking atrocious attacks. 1.00

02:19:02.000 You can make that argument. 1.00

02:19:03.000 You could also make the argument that what they're doing is they're taking advantage of someone who's stupid. 1.00

02:19:07.000 And they're being very persuasive. 1.00

02:19:10.000 And they're getting some dummy to do something he probably would have never done in the first place.

02:19:14.000 And may have never even made contact with those kind of people in the first place.

02:19:17.000 Or people that have the resources to do those things.

02:19:20.000 Why would they pick somebody like that unless there was a reason?

02:19:23.000 Because they want to make arrests.

02:19:25.000 It's a scorekeeping thing.

02:19:27.000 I mean, they want to make arrests.

02:19:29.000 A lot of them, yes.

02:19:30.000 A lot of them are trying to prevent crime.

02:19:32.000 They're trying to do good.

02:19:33.000 The vast majority. 1.00

02:19:35.000 But the problem is, there's enough wiggle room there for assholes. 1.00

02:19:39.000 And assholes get involved in police and law enforcement, and they fuck it up for everybody else. 1.00

02:19:44.000 Because all the good cops, they have to think about that guy in South Carolina that shot that guy Fucking ridiculous. 1.00

02:19:51.000 Exactly. 0.99

02:19:52.000 That becomes a part...

02:19:53.000 But how come you don't hear about...

02:19:55.000 The good cops.

02:19:56.000 No, not even that.

02:19:57.000 How come you don't hear...

02:19:58.000 Look at that.

02:19:58.000 What is this?

02:19:59.000 In 2012, New Yorkers were stopped by the police 532,911 times in one year.

02:20:07.000 473,644 were totally innocent.

02:20:11.000 89%.

02:20:12.000 That's criminal.

02:20:14.000 Okay, guess what? 0.80

02:20:14.000 55% were black. 0.80

02:20:17.000 32%...

02:20:19.000 Latin.

02:20:20.000 Yeah, 10% white every time. 0.98

02:20:21.000 And the white people play with no teeth. 0.85

02:20:23.000 You know what happens out of this? 1.00

02:20:24.000 Crackhead looking motherfuckers. 1.00

02:20:25.000 You know what makes me happy about this? 1.00

02:20:27.000 What?

02:20:27.000 No Jews?

02:20:28.000 No Jews. 1.00

02:20:28.000 Jews are white. 1.00

02:20:29.000 They have Jews in the white category. 0.96

02:20:31.000 No, it would be Jews. 0.98

02:20:33.000 Where do you fall into?

02:20:34.000 I fall into Jews. 0.98

02:20:35.000 If I look to you, I'd say maybe Latin.

02:20:37.000 If you started talking Spanish, if I ran into you, see, papi, you know, you started... 1.00

02:20:41.000 When someone, people, trash white people, I don't give a fuck. 1.00

02:20:44.000 If they trash Jews, I get upset. 1.00

02:20:45.000 But white people are Jews. 0.99

02:20:47.000 Jews are white people. 0.97

02:20:47.000 Yeah, but not, not WASP or white people. 0.97

02:20:49.000 That was right after, you know, it's weird, because look at 2012, how big it is, and then look how, in 2014, the big drop.

02:20:57.000 What was it like?

02:20:58.000 They stopped doing it.

02:20:59.000 They stopped it.

02:20:59.000 They got in trouble.

02:21:01.000 What was 2011? 0.95

02:21:01.000 They sued the fuck out of people. 0.95

02:21:02.000 But wait a second, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 0.60

02:21:04.000 A lot of lawful...

02:21:05.000 Does it say...

02:21:06.000 Look at 88% in 2011. But guess what?

02:21:09.000 Guess what they're not saying?

02:21:11.000 Almost all of it is 80 plus percent innocent.

02:21:14.000 But guess what?

02:21:15.000 In these statistics, they're not saying whether crime has risen or dropped. 0.99

02:21:21.000 Who gives a fuck? 0.99

02:21:22.000 It doesn't matter. 0.99

02:21:24.000 You can't just ruin people's lives. 0.99

02:21:26.000 You can't just arrest people, frisk them, fuck with them, give them all this crazy stress if they're totally innocent. 0.99

02:21:31.000 In 2006, it was 90% innocent. 1.00

02:21:33.000 It's ridiculous. 1.00

02:21:35.000 It's a stupid policy. 1.00

02:21:36.000 Did this start right after 9-11? 1.00

02:21:38.000 No!

02:21:39.000 Well, it started after 9-11, but they're deep into 2012 when they were doing it.

02:21:43.000 That's when it first started.

02:21:44.000 Yeah, 2002, 86% were totally innocent.

02:21:47.000 Who was mayor at the time when this started?

02:21:49.000 82% in 2002. Who was mayor?

02:21:51.000 Was it Giuliani?

02:21:51.000 Giuliani, right?

02:21:52.000 Yeah.

02:21:52.000 Well, he was a head district attorney.

02:21:55.000 This guy was, you know, he was... 0.97

02:21:57.000 Cocksucker. 1.00

02:21:58.000 Nine out of ten. 0.97

02:21:59.000 Nine out of ten.

02:22:00.000 Stop and frisk New Yorkers have been completely innocent. 0.98

02:22:02.000 That's not good.

02:22:04.000 And it makes you wonder, like, what is that one, oh, they had some weed on them, or, you know, they had, like, an expired driver's license.

02:22:12.000 Okay, yeah, injustice. 0.99

02:22:14.000 There's fucking injustice throughout this world. 1.00

02:22:16.000 There's injustice amongst blacks, whites, Jews. 1.00

02:22:23.000 But obviously more blacks than whites, and if you know the numbers, there's way more white people than black people in New York. 0.54

02:22:29.000 That's racial profiling.

02:22:31.000 That's an illegal policy.

02:22:34.000 It might be legal, but it's an immoral, unjust, unethical, racist policy.

02:22:40.000 Should there be racial profiling towards Middle Easterns?

02:22:43.000 No!

02:22:43.000 You don't think so?

02:22:44.000 No!

02:22:44.000 At all?

02:22:45.000 No!

02:22:46.000 No racial profiling at all? 0.99

02:22:47.000 No, look, if you know something about someone's past, do you know how many fucking people are in the Middle East? 0.99

02:22:52.000 You know how many people that are in the Middle East that aren't terrorists? 0.99

02:22:54.000 The vast majority!

02:22:56.000 Yes, you're right.

02:22:56.000 So you're saying, like, because a small percentage are terrorists, you should racially profile the vast majority of innocent people and subject them to all sorts of scrutiny that you wouldn't white people only at the airport.

02:23:08.000 Why is it the airport?

02:23:09.000 I know. 1.00

02:23:11.000 When are they going to pick fucking the NASCAR races and shit? 1.00

02:23:15.000 It seems like there's a lot more people to be killed at larger areas. 1.00

02:23:19.000 There's something about airplanes.

02:23:21.000 They're terrifying already, so terror in airplanes just ramps it up even further.

02:23:25.000 We have the smartest people in the world that are supposedly running these countries, these airlines.

02:23:31.000 Do you know history... 1.00

02:23:34.000 How different history would be with a fucking... 1.00

02:23:37.000 If there was a $5 deadbolt on that fucking cockpit door. 1.00

02:23:42.000 Okay? 1.00

02:23:43.000 Just a deadbolt.

02:23:44.000 Okay?

02:23:45.000 How...

02:23:45.000 After all the hijackings...

02:23:48.000 How about if there were sky marshals on planes?

02:23:51.000 If there were sky marshals on planes before 9-11, 9-11 would have never happened. 0.98

02:23:56.000 They would have just taken those fucking guys out, that would have been a wrap, that would have been the end of it. 0.99

02:24:01.000 You have highly trained cops, you know, mercenaries, you get some black water guys, whatever the fuck you gotta do, guys have been to war, know how to kill people, and you put them on these planes to guard them from assholes with box cutters, and you're done. 1.00

02:24:13.000 I mean, you cost a little money, and The idea that they were unprotected from something like that, and the idea that you could use a plane as a weapon, and that had been considered long before September 11th. 0.95

02:24:25.000 I mean, they had talked about that many, many times, about what would happen if terrorists took over.

02:24:30.000 I mean, that was not like an unthought-of scenario. 0.99

02:24:34.000 So how come none of these fucking CEOs or heads of these airlines said, We fucking locked the pilots in. 0.99

02:24:43.000 They don't open the door under any circumstances. 0.99

02:24:46.000 How about that fucking guy in Germany? 1.00

02:24:47.000 The pilot went to take a shit. 1.00

02:24:49.000 The co-pilot, who's depressed, decides to fly the plane into a mountain and they can't even get inside. 1.00

02:24:56.000 I mean, that's insane. 0.99

02:24:57.000 They're pounding on the door and this asshole just drops the plane right down into a mountain. 1.00

02:25:02.000 I mean, how the fuck is that possible? 1.00

02:25:04.000 How is there no fail-safe method to get inside that plane? 0.97

02:25:07.000 Or how do they not have a phone where they can override, where they can call someone who could override the controls?

02:25:14.000 It seems to me like there should be another way into that. 0.99

02:25:17.000 And I wonder how hard it is to break that fucking door down. 0.99

02:25:20.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:25:21.000 Well, now it's probably like a vault.

02:25:23.000 I don't know.

02:25:24.000 It's probably one of those big, heavy metal doors.

02:25:26.000 It seems pretty big, but I wonder.

02:25:28.000 I wonder how hard it is.

02:25:30.000 I wonder how hard it is to break down.

02:25:31.000 Was that proven that your co-pilot just flew into the mountain?

02:25:35.000 Yeah, totally intentional.

02:25:37.000 He was depressed.

02:25:37.000 He was on antidepressants.

02:25:39.000 He was suicidal. 1.00

02:25:40.000 He was all fucked up. 1.00

02:25:42.000 I mean, suicide is selfish to begin with. 1.00

02:25:44.000 I mean, I can't deal with it.

02:25:45.000 I don't know.

02:25:46.000 I don't know anybody. 1.00

02:25:47.000 But to take a whole fucking plane down, you know, what a fucking motherfucking piece of... 1.00

02:25:52.000 And again, you know, we focus on that. 1.00

02:25:55.000 Meanwhile, how many thousands of planes fly successfully every day?

02:25:59.000 And we don't even think about that.

02:26:00.000 Why is there not one parachute on the plane, though?

02:26:03.000 Well, you know what?

02:26:04.000 You would die anyway, man.

02:26:06.000 You're going 30,000 feet. 0.71

02:26:08.000 You wouldn't have any air when you jumped out.

02:26:10.000 You probably would die of having no air. 0.98

02:26:12.000 And on top of that, it'd be freezing fucking cold. 0.96

02:26:16.000 The idea that you would be fine and you'd make it, like when you parachute, you don't really parachute from that high. 0.95

02:26:23.000 It's very rare. 0.89

02:26:24.000 And when they do, they have all sorts of special equipment, oxygen tanks and shit. 0.95

02:26:33.000 It was on, I don't know, 60 Minutes or something. 0.79

02:26:35.000 I didn't see it, Bonnie told me.

02:26:36.000 And it makes sense.

02:26:39.000 If you went on a plane wearing a helmet or brought a helmet on, your chances of survival are a lot better because most people... 0.99

02:26:49.000 When a plane crashes, hit their head on the fucking seat or whatever. 0.99

02:26:53.000 They get knocked out unconscious and they burn to death. 1.00

02:26:56.000 So if you got a fucking helmet, boom, you hit your head after crash. 1.00

02:27:00.000 You're probably going out anyway. 1.00

02:27:01.000 I got news for you. 1.00

02:27:02.000 You get hit going 500 miles an hour and your fucking head is jello. 1.00

02:27:08.000 When they catch guys who die in motorcycle accidents, they call them squids. 1.00

02:27:13.000 Because they have helmets on, but their neck gets snapped anyway.

02:27:17.000 And so they're like a squid.

02:27:19.000 Everything below the hard stuff is just mush.

02:27:22.000 Or how come?

02:27:23.000 I'm waiting for the airplane. 0.99

02:27:25.000 Oh man, that really fucking defeated my fucking theory. 0.99

02:27:28.000 Because every time I go on a plane now, I try to get a blanket in case it's going to crash. 0.99

02:27:32.000 I wrap my head up like a turban. 0.97

02:27:34.000 We've got to wrap this up.

02:27:35.000 I've got to get out of here, unfortunately.

02:27:37.000 How come they don't make... 0.96

02:27:39.000 Goddamn, when I'm on, it just flows. 0.98

02:27:41.000 How come... 0.99

02:27:42.000 I don't know.

02:27:43.000 I bring it to another level.

02:27:44.000 I don't know if Tom and Christine does what Bonnie and I do.

02:27:47.000 Well, there's only one way to find out.

02:27:48.000 The roast battle.

02:27:49.000 The roast battle.

02:27:50.000 The roast battle.

02:27:51.000 Roast battle.

02:27:52.000 Roast battle.

02:27:53.000 Will you guys be willing to fly in for this?

02:27:56.000 Yeah, probably.

02:27:57.000 We can book something around it.

02:27:57.000 We want to do a week vacation in here anyhow.

02:28:01.000 Okay.

02:28:01.000 Well, tell me when you're doing it.

02:28:02.000 I'll have you guys both in studio together, and we'll promote it.

02:28:06.000 Yeah, but we got to do it in a club, you mean, right?

02:28:08.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:28:08.000 No, I'm saying you and Bonnie have you guys in studio to promote it, and maybe I'll have Tom and Christina in studio as well.

02:28:15.000 That sounds fun.

02:28:16.000 On a different day, or maybe even the same day.

02:28:17.000 Same day.

02:28:18.000 Chaos. 0.98

02:28:18.000 Yeah, that sounds fucking fun. 0.98

02:28:20.000 Total chaos. 0.90

02:28:21.000 Yeah, we'll do it.

02:28:22.000 Alright, we gotta end this, though.

02:28:23.000 Thanks for having me this weekend.

02:28:24.000 You're the best.

02:28:25.000 Love you, buddy.

02:28:25.000 Friday through Sunday, Ventura Comedy Club.

02:28:27.000 Thank you for having me again. 0.99

02:28:28.000 You're fucking hilarious. 0.98

02:28:28.000 I fucking love doing this. 0.98

02:28:29.000 And go see him this weekend. 0.97

02:28:31.000 I guarantee you're gonna have a good time. 1.00

02:28:32.000 If you don't have a good time, you're a shithead, and you have a terrible sense of humor. 0.99

02:28:35.000 Rich Voss would be at the Ventura Comedy Club Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. 0.99

02:28:39.000 Ventura Harbor Comedy Club.

02:28:41.000 Google it.

02:28:42.000 You can find it.

02:28:43.000 Rich Voss on Twitter.

02:28:44.000 Love you, buddy.

02:28:45.000 Thanks for having me.

02:28:45.000 Alright.

The Joe Rogan Experience - May 29, 2015

Joe Rogan Experience #654 - Rich Vos

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript