The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #7 - Brian Redban

00:00:00.000 Thank you.

00:02:06.000 Hi, everybody.

00:02:21.000 Hi.

00:02:22.000 Hello!

00:02:25.000 Can they hear us?

00:02:26.000 Mm-hmm.

00:02:27.000 Oh.

00:02:28.000 Hey, there we are, ladies and gentlemen.

00:02:31.000 Tardy, but here, nonetheless.

00:02:33.000 Sort of.

00:02:34.000 It's like halfway through because the one on Ustream says 3 o'clock, and this one says... 0.99

00:02:40.000 And I said it 2 o'clock because I'm an idiot. 0.85

00:02:43.000 But it's supposed to be 3 o'clock, so we figured we'll start... 0.98

00:02:46.000 Somewhere around now. 0.98

00:02:47.000 It's all about checking out the Twitter, though, to find out when really shit's going on. 1.00

00:02:51.000 Well, that's ridiculous, Brian, because some people have lives, and they can't just be on the fucking Twitter all the time looking for you to do shit. 0.98

00:02:56.000 Have you met people that have their Twitter set up so when people twit, they automatically get, like, a text message? 0.99

00:03:02.000 That's ridiculous. 0.99

00:03:03.000 That's retarded. 1.00

00:03:05.000 I know, people get mad at me sometimes. 0.98

00:03:06.000 Hey, man, you're tweeting too much, man.

00:03:08.000 It's blowing up my phone.

00:03:09.000 I have to take you off. 0.97

00:03:11.000 Yeah, that's ridiculous. 0.96

00:03:12.000 Why would you have... 0.93

00:03:13.000 I think maybe in the beginning it was almost like an instant message for people, you know?

00:03:17.000 Yeah.

00:03:18.000 But really, that's just text messaging.

00:03:20.000 That's someone who you know, text messaging, but text messaging to all of their friends.

00:03:24.000 Right.

00:03:24.000 And then it got crazy, you know?

00:03:27.000 It's a strange way of communicating, man. 0.97

00:03:30.000 Twitter is one of the weirdest fucking inventions that the internet has ever spurned. 0.99

00:03:34.000 Spurned. 0.99

00:03:35.000 What's the word?

00:03:35.000 Spurned.

00:03:36.000 Give birth to. 1.00

00:03:37.000 Shit out. 1.00

00:03:38.000 It's amazing. 1.00

00:03:39.000 It's just, it's so simple. 1.00

00:03:41.000 Keep it to 140 characters so that, you know, you don't get too fucking verbose and stupid. 1.00

00:03:47.000 You learn how to edit your shit, you know? 1.00

00:03:50.000 You can't have these long run-on... 1.00

00:03:52.000 You ever read someone's blogs?

00:03:54.000 Even my own blogs ramble too much sometimes, but some people...

00:03:59.000 Your blogs are for smart people, like readers.

00:04:02.000 I have to be in a reader mode.

00:04:05.000 Most of the time, I'm in more of a video...

00:04:07.000 Me too! 0.99

00:04:08.000 I don't want to read people's bullshit. 0.99

00:04:09.000 I don't want to read anything like I write, but sometimes I do. 0.99

00:04:15.000 When I want to write it, I have to write it.

00:04:18.000 If I'm writing something, it's just because that's what I'm thinking about and I've been fucking with it and I've been rolling around in my head.

00:04:25.000 And they might not be correct.

00:04:27.000 I have no idea.

00:04:29.000 Most of my ideas are just pure speculation.

00:04:32.000 But the only way to really be honest about it is to write it in a blog.

00:04:37.000 You can't tell people stuff like that.

00:04:39.000 You start talking to people about your theories and you sound like a nut.

00:04:41.000 At least if you write it down.

00:04:43.000 For whatever reason, it looks more thought out.

00:04:47.000 Yeah.

00:04:47.000 Isn't that weird?

00:04:49.000 You know?

00:04:51.000 If you just tell people that you think that Technology is some sort of a symbiotic lifeform that's existing with us and eventually it's going to overcome us.

00:04:59.000 And then everybody's looking at it like we control it always, you know?

00:05:03.000 No, no, like those Terminator movies, those guys got it right.

00:05:06.000 Like that's like super possible.

00:05:08.000 It really is.

00:05:10.000 I mean, no one wants to believe it, but if you look at how fucking chaotic human life is, and not really in America, you know, this is a pretty badass country, But if you watch documentaries on that Vice Squad Guide to Liberia, is that what it was?

00:05:27.000 What is the website?

00:05:28.000 Did we talk about that last week?

00:05:31.000 What was it about?

00:05:33.000 Those Vice TV guys? 0.98

00:05:35.000 Those guys that go to Liberia and talk about all the cannibalism and shit that's going on there? 0.99

00:05:39.000 It seems like you did. 0.99

00:05:40.000 I think we did talk about it.

00:05:41.000 If you haven't seen it, I'm going to find the link and throw it up anyway because it's so crazy.

00:05:46.000 There was a link also that you talked about last week that somebody said that you didn't...

00:05:49.000 Did you ever...

00:05:50.000 Which one?

00:05:50.000 They were like, this link's not working, and a lot of people were saying...

00:05:53.000 I forget what it was about, maybe the Lions, that you were talking about the Lions last week, that amped up.

00:05:59.000 Oh, yeah, really?

00:06:00.000 That was the wrong link?

00:06:01.000 Maybe it was that one.

00:06:02.000 There was a few.

00:06:03.000 I just remember...

00:06:04.000 Because somebody said that they saw it.

00:06:05.000 It was amazing.

00:06:06.000 Maybe they Googled it or something.

00:06:07.000 Yeah, maybe they were smart.

00:06:08.000 They were like, oh, maybe we should use Google.

00:06:10.000 If I'm talking about something, I'll give you the wrong link.

00:06:13.000 Let me know.

00:06:14.000 I'm sorry.

00:06:15.000 That is annoying when you're trying to figure out what it is.

00:06:19.000 Most of the time, Google works, though, pretty well. 0.95

00:06:20.000 Don't you feel like a little genius when you figure out where they fucked up, though? 1.00

00:06:24.000 You go back to the URL, and you go, oh, there's a space.

00:06:27.000 You've got to copy and paste the whole thing they put in your browser.

00:06:30.000 It's like you're going to solve a little puzzle.

00:06:33.000 That's for you.

00:06:33.000 Oh, cool.

00:06:33.000 That's a papaya kombucha.

00:06:35.000 Shit's good for you. 1.00

00:06:36.000 Or is it mango? 1.00

00:06:38.000 Papaya.

00:06:39.000 Papaya.

00:06:39.000 Keeping them real.

00:06:41.000 What's up, Twitter people? 0.99

00:06:42.000 The fuck's cracking? 1.00

00:06:43.000 Huh? 1.00

00:06:44.000 How's life? 1.00

00:06:45.000 That lion shit was crazy. 1.00

00:06:47.000 Yeah, if you haven't seen what we're talking about with the lion shit, there was these gigantic lions that lived in Africa, and they got cut off from the rest of the continent, and they were stuck on an island. 1.00

00:07:00.000 They were like regular-sized lions at first, they presume, and because they were on the island with only water buffalo, Water buffalo are hard as fuck to kill, so these lions got gigantic. 0.99

00:07:10.000 They grew fucking huge from taking down water buffaloes. 0.98

00:07:13.000 It's really pretty fucking spooky stuff. 0.99

00:07:17.000 It's intense. 0.97

00:07:18.000 They looked like the Hulk.

00:07:20.000 They didn't look real.

00:07:22.000 Like those mice. 0.93

00:07:22.000 Yeah, those mice that have that myostatin thing, like those dogs, those whippets, when they do those experiments on them and they make them look like cartoons. 0.93

00:07:32.000 Have you ever seen that disease, I guess it would be, that makes you grow fast?

00:07:38.000 They just showed this woman that was 12 years old, but she looked like she was 62 and a smoker.

00:07:43.000 Yeah, it has to do with the fat in your skin.

00:07:46.000 It doesn't have to do with growing fast.

00:07:48.000 It has to do with the fat in your skin.

00:07:51.000 When you get older, one of the things that happens is the fat leaves your skin, and these people who are like 13 and 12, and little babies even, They have this disease where that's how their body starts treating it right away.

00:08:05.000 So their skin starts to behave like an old person's skin. 1.00

00:08:08.000 It was weird though.

00:08:10.000 I felt so bad for her.

00:08:12.000 Her mother had it too.

00:08:14.000 It was terrible.

00:08:15.000 Super rare, though, so don't worry about it.

00:08:17.000 Yeah, but it's pretty freaky when you find diseases like that. 0.99

00:08:21.000 But this Liberia shit, man, if you haven't seen this, I have to throw this link up because it's one of the gnarliest fucking documentaries I've ever seen, ever. 1.00

00:08:30.000 And these guys, I think their show's called Vice Guide TV. Yeah, Vice Guide to Liberia. 0.99

00:08:37.000 I'm going to give you exactly...

00:08:40.000 Did you watch Lost last night?

00:08:41.000 Yes, I did.

00:08:43.000 Without giving any spoilers, what do you think?

00:08:47.000 No spoilers.

00:08:48.000 No spoilers.

00:08:48.000 I think I'm getting tired of it.

00:08:51.000 You are?

00:08:52.000 Yeah.

00:08:52.000 So you didn't find it exciting last night?

00:08:54.000 It was exciting, but I was like, come on.

00:08:56.000 You're just jumping back in time, and people are dead, but then they're not, and like, come on, really?

00:09:01.000 Yeah.

00:09:02.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:09:02.000 It's like, really?

00:09:04.000 That's what's going on now?

00:09:05.000 Well, when that one thing was the one thing, and he was like, I'm sorry for being that thing, that was crazy.

00:09:09.000 Yeah. 0.92

00:09:10.000 But at a certain point in time, I was like, god damn, this is comical. 0.95

00:09:14.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:09:15.000 It was caricature-y.

00:09:16.000 You know what I really hated also is how many commercials there were.

00:09:19.000 There were, like, every three minutes there was a commercial.

00:09:22.000 In the future, hopefully, you could, like, go, all right, no, I don't want commercials.

00:09:25.000 I want pop-up ads on my TV, you know?

00:09:27.000 Yeah, it's pretty nutty.

00:09:29.000 Because that was just, like, you were into it, out of it, into it, out of it.

00:09:32.000 Yeah, it is pretty nutty.

00:09:35.000 Yeah, you've got to watch it on DVR, and even then, you've got to fast-forward through them. 0.97

00:09:40.000 Commercials are a very inefficient way of reaching people because you're enjoying the shit out of them. 0.92

00:09:44.000 If you stuff enough shit down our throats, we'll eventually take it, but putting it on in the middle of shows and stuff like that... 0.93

00:09:54.000 What if you could go to a group once a month for 10 minutes and they just showed you a bunch of products and then they're like, no more advertising for you on the internet or for the TV just because you... 0.99

00:10:05.000 You know, you went to like a group meeting just so advertisers can sell their products to you in person.

00:10:11.000 Yeah.

00:10:11.000 You know what I mean?

00:10:11.000 Like, this is Coke.

00:10:12.000 Here, taste it.

00:10:13.000 Yeah, alright.

00:10:14.000 So we won't advertise your TV anymore.

00:10:16.000 Well, I think maybe a better way would be to do it the way they do it in the movies, where they show you the ads first and then the movie.

00:10:24.000 Yeah, but you have to watch it.

00:10:26.000 That's your thing, though. 0.99

00:10:26.000 But still, it's like once the show begins, you shut the fuck up. 0.99

00:10:30.000 Right. 0.93

00:10:31.000 When you go to the movies, what you're conceding is that you give them money, so they're only going to annoy you in the beginning, and then they're going to stop annoying you.

00:10:38.000 They're going to let the thing play out in its full form, which is the most enjoyable way.

00:10:42.000 Wouldn't you appreciate any Coca-Cola or any one of those people?

00:10:48.000 Just stepped in and said, listen, we all know the TV shows are better when you let them play from the beginning to end.

00:10:53.000 You don't want to interrupt them with commercials all the time.

00:10:55.000 How about we'll do this?

00:10:56.000 We'll advertise in the beginning.

00:10:58.000 Thank you very much.

00:10:58.000 I hope you enjoy our product.

00:11:00.000 Hope you enjoy this movie.

00:11:01.000 Bam! 0.98

00:11:03.000 That's how it's supposed to be.

00:11:04.000 They got it nailed.

00:11:05.000 These movie guys got it nailed. 1.00

00:11:07.000 These TV guys are retarded. 1.00

00:11:09.000 Don't be putting shit on the middle of the fucking show, stupid. 1.00

00:11:12.000 It was dumb. 1.00

00:11:13.000 Yeah, and it was so bad last night that I was just like, really? 0.99

00:11:16.000 This is getting insane.

00:11:18.000 Every 15 minutes?

00:11:19.000 Come on.

00:11:20.000 It wasn't even 15 minutes.

00:11:21.000 Maybe every hour, if you're going to have a two-hour show.

00:11:24.000 Every hour.

00:11:25.000 Throw on a few commercials. 1.00

00:11:26.000 Fuck it. 1.00

00:11:27.000 It pretty much was one hour of show, one hour of commercials, but they billed it as a two-hour event. 1.00

00:11:32.000 Yeah.

00:11:33.000 Well, you know, it's a lot of money, man.

00:11:35.000 It's a lot of money.

00:11:36.000 I wasn't, I don't, I really enjoyed the series up until now, especially early on.

00:11:41.000 I thought it was, it's like a really creative series, but I gotta admit that last night just seems kind of like hokey.

00:11:47.000 It's like, you know, the Chinese guy who doesn't like to, oh, I don't want to say anything, right? 1.00

00:11:53.000 No, yeah, you just gotta replace everything with blah blah.

00:11:55.000 Blah blah blah.

00:11:56.000 I'm not, no, no spoilers.

00:11:58.000 I don't want to give it away if you haven't seen it.

00:12:01.000 So, that's what I think.

00:12:02.000 It's still a great show.

00:12:04.000 Still, I mean, even though it seems hokey, it's still fun.

00:12:07.000 But at a certain point in time, the whole premise is hokey. 0.84

00:12:09.000 I mean, come on, it's silly. 0.99

00:12:11.000 It's ridiculous. 0.99

00:12:11.000 It's a suspension of disbelief show. 0.99

00:12:13.000 Yeah.

00:12:14.000 You know?

00:12:15.000 Come on, you're jumping back in time with nuclear weapons. 1.00

00:12:16.000 Like, what the fuck are you doing? 1.00

00:12:18.000 You know? 1.00

00:12:19.000 What?

00:12:19.000 You can just hit that thing and you go back in time.

00:12:21.000 Oh, okay, cool.

00:12:22.000 You know?

00:12:23.000 Yeah.

00:12:23.000 It's just utter nonsense.

00:12:26.000 I want to talk about it, but there's something I want to talk about.

00:12:29.000 I'm trying to censor it, but there's no way to do it.

00:12:31.000 Yeah, you can't. 0.99

00:12:32.000 It sucks. 0.99

00:12:33.000 Well, did you enjoy it? 0.99

00:12:36.000 Yeah, I did, but I was so pissed off about the commercials that kind of upset me.

00:12:39.000 Brian gets very upset.

00:12:40.000 I like being in a world and not...

00:12:42.000 Imagine watching Avatar and every five minutes you've got to see a commercial.

00:12:46.000 No, you're absolutely right. 0.94

00:12:47.000 It's ridiculous. 1.00

00:12:48.000 There's got to be a better way to sell shit. 1.00

00:12:50.000 That's not the best way to sell shit. 1.00

00:12:52.000 That's stupid. 1.00

00:12:53.000 They think that just by conditioning people to be used to them interrupting it over and over again, that that's the best way. 1.00

00:12:59.000 Make us watch it in the beginning.

00:13:01.000 Yeah.

00:13:01.000 They're like, well, you're not going to watch it anyway then.

00:13:03.000 You have a webcam set up on top of your TV that detects if you're sitting there watching it.

00:13:07.000 You know?

00:13:07.000 Yeah.

00:13:08.000 People get excited for previews, man.

00:13:10.000 I get excited for the whole preview.

00:13:12.000 I don't know why, but I get excited.

00:13:14.000 I'm more amped up to see The Wolfman this year than I think like anything, man.

00:13:18.000 That looks awesome.

00:13:20.000 Can you do it?

00:13:21.000 That's going to be like a new gang sign.

00:13:23.000 Dude, do The Wolfman! 0.99

00:13:25.000 Dude, it looks sick.

00:13:26.000 It looks cool because it's like old school, the Wolfman.

00:13:30.000 And Rick Baker did all the makeup.

00:13:32.000 He's that dude who did Star Wars.

00:13:35.000 He's done everything.

00:13:36.000 He did an American Werewolf in London.

00:13:38.000 And this is like real old school makeup.

00:13:41.000 It's not like CGI. Parts are CGI. The transformation is CGI when it becomes the Wolfman.

00:13:47.000 But then it's like a dude in an outfit.

00:13:50.000 You know? 1.00

00:13:51.000 And Rick Baker's the master of that shit. 1.00

00:13:52.000 When I was a little kid, I used to want to be a makeup artist. 1.00

00:13:56.000 Really?

00:13:56.000 I used to want to be one of those Hollywood guys that made masks.

00:13:58.000 Did you do the makeup of the guy on the hog video?

00:14:02.000 How dare you bring that up?

00:14:04.000 How dare you? 0.99

00:14:05.000 But I used to want to do like werewolf masks and shit and like special effects, movie special effects, mask stuff. 0.99

00:14:11.000 I thought that was the coolest shit ever. 0.99

00:14:12.000 I wanted to do that for a while, man. 0.99

00:14:14.000 I was a big fan of that guy, Rick Baker.

00:14:17.000 He's the dude. 0.99

00:14:18.000 He's doing this movie too, so this movie's going to be the shit. 0.99

00:14:21.000 Yeah, it looks good. 1.00

00:14:22.000 Fuck yeah, Benicio Del Toro's a badass actor. 0.98

00:14:25.000 There's probably a part where he sings like a Wolfman song or something like that. 1.00

00:14:29.000 Benicio Del Toro can act his fucking ass off. 0.99

00:14:32.000 That dude, you know, he's one of those dudes when he's playing like angry or crazy, like he goes so far, you would worry that he's going to like, you'd worry he's going to do something fucking crazy, you know? 0.99

00:14:45.000 When he's in a role, he's one of those dudes that's like, I always look forward to his movies.

00:14:50.000 Whatever it is, he knows how to do it.

00:14:53.000 Acting is such a tricky thing.

00:14:55.000 You know, isn't it like some actors you really look forward to seeing them in movies?

00:14:59.000 You know?

00:14:59.000 Yeah, definitely.

00:15:00.000 It's a weird thing.

00:15:01.000 Yeah.

00:15:02.000 Sissy Spacek. 0.97

00:15:06.000 Some dudes get, like, super obsessed with it.

00:15:08.000 How about, like, those guys?

00:15:09.000 Guys are, like, super obsessed with movies. 0.99

00:15:11.000 Movie trivia and shit. 0.99

00:15:13.000 You know what's really gay is that, gross, is that there's a John Travolta movie that's coming out where it's a love story, and it uses a cross-movie reference. 0.99

00:15:21.000 That's how bad it is. 0.94

00:15:22.000 He's, like, in Paris and goes, I always like a Royale with cheese.

00:15:25.000 And I'm like, oh.

00:15:27.000 No way.

00:15:28.000 Oh my god.

00:15:29.000 It was like, oh, that's gross! 0.64

00:15:30.000 John Travolta seems to be losing his mind.

00:15:33.000 I would love to talk to that guy.

00:15:34.000 How dare he ruin a character?

00:15:36.000 You know what I mean?

00:15:37.000 He's not ruining it.

00:15:38.000 He's creating a new one.

00:15:39.000 I don't think he's ruining it.

00:15:41.000 You can't ruin it.

00:15:41.000 What it is is a slice of time.

00:15:44.000 You go back and you can see it.

00:15:46.000 That's as gross as commercials to me.

00:15:48.000 Well, he was good in that Pelham 123 movie. 0.99

00:15:51.000 If you didn't see that Pelham 123 movie, he was fucking good in it, man. 0.98

00:15:54.000 He plays a good psycho. 0.98

00:15:55.000 Tell you what I didn't like is The Hurt Locker.

00:15:57.000 Have you seen that?

00:15:58.000 I didn't see it.

00:15:59.000 Rent it on Amazon.

00:16:00.000 I already have it.

00:16:01.000 Oh, you already have it?

00:16:01.000 Yeah, I got it.

00:16:02.000 Everybody says it's the best movie ever.

00:16:03.000 It's so slow and boring.

00:16:05.000 It's like, hey, let's go to one mission.

00:16:08.000 Don't say any more.

00:16:08.000 No, this is really nothing.

00:16:10.000 Go to one mission.

00:16:11.000 Oh, let's go to another mission.

00:16:13.000 Oh, let's go to another mission.

00:16:14.000 That end.

00:16:16.000 Like, it's like, why am I watching this?

00:16:18.000 Like, I felt like I was just watching.

00:16:19.000 You know what I felt like that with?

00:16:20.000 No Country for Old Men. 0.96

00:16:22.000 Yeah, I never saw that.

00:16:23.000 No Country for Old Men is like, listen, I know what you're trying to do.

00:16:27.000 I know you're trying to be crafty.

00:16:28.000 I know you're trying to be unconventional.

00:16:29.000 But here's the deal. 0.99

00:16:30.000 When I go to movies, I want you to stick with the fucking framework, okay? 0.99

00:16:34.000 There's good guys and bad guys and maybe monsters, okay? 0.99

00:16:39.000 And at the end, good guys win.

00:16:41.000 Any questions?

00:16:42.000 Okay. 1.00

00:16:42.000 Make your shit. 1.00

00:16:43.000 Okay, I like watching good guys win, you fucking weirdo. 1.00

00:16:46.000 I don't like watching people just drive off. 0.99

00:16:49.000 The whole thing's fake, alright?

00:16:51.000 Are you pretending that, well, in the real world, things don't turn out... 1.00

00:16:55.000 Well, this isn't the real world, stupid. 1.00

00:16:57.000 This is a goddamn fucking movie, and I want a good ending. 1.00

00:17:00.000 I want an interesting ending with a fucking conclusion. 1.00

00:17:03.000 Avatar, I've talked to so many people that have been in the military that are pissed off at that movie for killing... 0.98

00:17:09.000 What they say represents U.S. soldiers, but yet nowhere in there did they say they're like U.S. or anything.

00:17:14.000 They're just like an army, you know?

00:17:16.000 That's a good point, really, when you think about it.

00:17:18.000 Yeah, they're mad like, well, they say hoorah or whatever that... 0.98

00:17:21.000 Yeah, well, the one guy was a fucking Marine, but he was one of the blue guys. 0.99

00:17:24.000 I can see it. 0.99

00:17:25.000 I can see it, but...

00:17:26.000 It's like, alright dude, calm down, they're smurfs, you know?

00:17:29.000 Yeah, but he's got a point, man.

00:17:32.000 You can see it that way because you're not a military person.

00:17:34.000 Right, that's what I'm saying.

00:17:35.000 Especially a military person in the middle of two wars that they may not support.

00:17:40.000 There's a lot of people that are in the military That don't think we should be there anymore.

00:17:45.000 A lot of people.

00:17:46.000 Yeah, but I think Avatar in general was just like...

00:17:48.000 It was like G.I. Joe.

00:17:49.000 It wasn't real U.S. Army troops.

00:17:51.000 There's no reason to get mad.

00:17:53.000 They're just an army.

00:17:54.000 They're representing like a space army or something.

00:17:57.000 It was so much in the future.

00:17:59.000 It was like a thousand years.

00:18:01.000 I don't know, man.

00:18:01.000 It was too human-like if you want to be real.

00:18:04.000 Yeah, but...

00:18:04.000 Predator.

00:18:06.000 I don't see anyone getting mad at Predator.

00:18:07.000 Yeah, but could you imagine, though, for real, if... 0.97

00:18:11.000 If there was such a planet and there was such a mineral and there were mercenaries who were going to that planet If it wasn't broadcast to us, we don't know what the fuck is going on in Afghanistan every day. 0.97

00:18:23.000 We don't know about these crazy drones that are firing missiles into Pakistan. 0.94

00:18:27.000 I mean, this is real stuff that's on the news.

00:18:29.000 It seems like science fiction.

00:18:31.000 This is going on every day in other parts of the world.

00:18:34.000 And that ain't that much different, man.

00:18:36.000 It ain't that much different. 0.99

00:18:38.000 It's people that don't know people jacking people for their shit. 0.99

00:18:41.000 And that's what's going on right now, and that's what was going on in the movie. 0.99

00:18:45.000 It's not that unrealistic.

00:18:47.000 You know?

00:18:48.000 In fact, it might be generous.

00:18:51.000 The idea that they would go so far as to make artificial ones to try to be friends with them.

00:18:56.000 Really? 1.00

00:18:57.000 More like kill them. 1.00

00:18:59.000 More like kill them. 1.00

00:19:00.000 I mean, that's what people do. 0.99

00:19:01.000 I mean, that movie painted a much more, a much brighter picture of humanity than the real humanity.

00:19:08.000 The real humanity, we're not making like Arab clones and we're operating them with remote control to go in and infiltrate the Taliban and go, hey guys, like, what's wrong with being American? 0.69

00:19:18.000 Maybe we can all be cool.

00:19:19.000 You know? 0.99

00:19:22.000 If the United States government had that kind of insight and innovation into the human body, could you imagine the kind of shit that they would do? 0.99

00:19:31.000 They would just make billions and billions of Republicans. 0.99

00:19:34.000 They would just start cloning Republicans and making them.

00:19:38.000 And operating with remote control. 1.00

00:19:41.000 Republican girls fucking all the important guys. 1.00

00:19:43.000 Getting all their deals passed. 1.00

00:19:46.000 That's what they would do.

00:19:47.000 Is that what you're doing?

00:19:49.000 You're shaking your poops. 0.97

00:19:49.000 I'm a really hot Republican robot girl. 0.97

00:19:52.000 That's what they would do, man.

00:19:54.000 That's an avatar for the real life.

00:19:57.000 We're not that nice, okay?

00:20:00.000 We're not going to make fake Arabs.

00:20:02.000 It's not going to happen. 1.00

00:20:03.000 Or fake whoever the fuck we're fighting. 1.00

00:20:06.000 We're going to figure out a reason to convince everybody on this side that those people are evil. 0.99

00:20:10.000 That's what we've always done.

00:20:12.000 Those people are evil, and then we jack them. 1.00

00:20:15.000 You know? 0.99

00:20:16.000 I mean, it's fucking amazing that the same game can go on for so long. 0.94

00:20:21.000 And in this age of information, it can still be passed off as the important thing to do. 0.93

00:20:28.000 You know?

00:20:29.000 The important thing to do at a certain point... 0.98

00:20:31.000 It's to try to fucking help everybody. 0.98

00:20:33.000 Try to get all these countries to chill the fuck out. 0.97

00:20:38.000 But that's never going to happen, man. 1.00

00:20:39.000 Because they live in somewhere that sucks. 0.99

00:20:41.000 And when you live somewhere that really sucks, there's a lot of goddamn conflict. 1.00

00:20:44.000 You know? 0.99

00:20:45.000 That's just a fact. 1.00

00:20:46.000 They got a terrible fucking roll of the dice. 0.99

00:20:48.000 And they're living in a part of the world that stuck hundreds and hundreds of years ago. 0.99

00:20:54.000 They've got technology, but they've got chaos and...

00:20:59.000 It's just a mess.

00:21:00.000 They've been fighting forever.

00:21:02.000 They've been fighting forever over there, man.

00:21:04.000 I mean, that's what they do. 1.00

00:21:05.000 That's what these fucking people do. 1.00

00:21:08.000 In the Middle East, war has been going on in the Middle East for so long. 1.00

00:21:11.000 You talk to Israelis, dudes who live in Israel, Ari talks about it all the time. 1.00

00:21:16.000 Those motherfuckers are hard. 1.00

00:21:19.000 Those people are different. 1.00

00:21:21.000 Those people are experiencing war on a daily basis, man.

00:21:25.000 That's like a part of their culture, almost. 0.85

00:21:28.000 It's like this conflict is going on for so fucking long over there.

00:21:33.000 And it's almost impossible to see a way without evolving, without evolving as a species.

00:21:39.000 It's almost impossible to see a way it's going to end.

00:21:41.000 It just keeps going.

00:21:42.000 It doesn't show any sign of letting up.

00:21:45.000 If you looked at it as a wave, and you see the wave bouncing back and forth, it doesn't seem like it's going away. 0.99

00:21:52.000 It seems like there's always some bullshit going down. 1.00

00:21:55.000 There's always, this motherfucker is mad at that motherfucker, and he's gonna launch bombs, and da-da-da. 1.00

00:22:00.000 It just, it seems like it takes a little time off, and then it bounces right back, and Palestine wants their land back, and da-da-da, and the settlers, and oh shit, someone got run over by a tank. 1.00

00:22:11.000 Da-da-da-da. 0.98

00:22:12.000 You know, it's like, it's always there.

00:22:14.000 This spring, back-and-forth violent tension is always there. 1.00

00:22:18.000 And it's like, something's gotta be done at the core of that shit. 1.00

00:22:22.000 Something's got to be done unless you're... 0.99

00:22:25.000 I mean, unless that's what people really want.

00:22:27.000 Unless people, what they really want is conflict.

00:22:29.000 I mean, that's just human nature, you know?

00:22:33.000 It's possible, right?

00:22:35.000 So Avatar is nicer than people.

00:22:38.000 Bring it back around.

00:22:41.000 Avatar is nicer than people.

00:22:43.000 I think.

00:22:43.000 I don't think we would make fake people to deal with our enemies.

00:22:46.000 We would fucking kill them. 0.99

00:22:48.000 So for people that say that that's, oh, you're going to pinch people in a bad light. 1.00

00:22:53.000 Mercenaries, man?

00:22:54.000 That's a crazy job. 1.00

00:22:56.000 Those guys are space mercenaries, motherfucker. 1.00

00:22:59.000 Don't you play Doom? 1.00

00:23:00.000 Alright?

00:23:01.000 Those dudes are serious.

00:23:03.000 Space mercenaries...

00:23:04.000 That's an excellent character if you're playing Quake 3. You know, he'd be a space marine.

00:23:08.000 Fuck yeah, bitch! 1.00

00:23:11.000 Tough characters. 1.00

00:23:12.000 So I have an eight-year-old poll that was revisited recently.

00:23:17.000 It was about pooping, right?

00:23:18.000 Yeah.

00:23:19.000 Poop standing or poop sitting.

00:23:21.000 Or wiping.

00:23:22.000 This is a fascinating subject.

00:23:25.000 It's pretty funny, though.

00:23:26.000 It's gained popularity again.

00:23:30.000 Do you wipe standing up or sitting down? 1.00

00:23:32.000 You know how I wipe, motherfucker. 1.00

00:23:34.000 We've talked about this. 1.00

00:23:35.000 I know, but I don't think we've talked on this. 0.99

00:23:37.000 I stand up to wipes so I can get a good goddamn wipe in. 0.97

00:23:41.000 I'll tell you this. 0.99

00:23:42.000 I was using those flushable wipes to keep my butt nice and fresh and tidy.

00:23:47.000 You got 50-50 it, man.

00:23:49.000 Those aren't good, man.

00:23:50.000 You got 50-50 it.

00:23:50.000 No, no, no.

00:23:51.000 Even if you're 50-50 it, the problem with those wipes is you can't really flush them.

00:23:54.000 They're not flushable.

00:23:55.000 They're real flushable.

00:23:56.000 They call them flushable, but I've had a porridge in my house twice. 1.00

00:23:59.000 That's how stupid I am. 1.00

00:24:00.000 Those bitches, they pack up in your pipes. 1.00

00:24:02.000 You can't flush them. 1.00

00:24:04.000 How many are you using?

00:24:05.000 Like 15? 1.00

00:24:06.000 I wet my ass a lot. 1.00

00:24:07.000 I take a lot of shit. 1.00

00:24:08.000 But you can't do that. 1.00

00:24:09.000 So then, the only other option is...

00:24:11.000 You have to either have a bidet, which I have, but I've never used.

00:24:14.000 You do?

00:24:14.000 Why don't you use it?

00:24:15.000 I would totally love one of those.

00:24:17.000 Well, because I'm an American.

00:24:19.000 I think it's great.

00:24:20.000 It's like, hey. 0.99

00:24:21.000 As an American, I want to faucet up my butthole. 0.99

00:24:24.000 It doesn't even look remotely comfortable. 0.99

00:24:26.000 Or inviting.

00:24:27.000 French are so hard. 1.00

00:24:28.000 Whoever the fuck invented that, that ass cleaning machine, they're hard people, man. 1.00

00:24:31.000 Because that thing is just like polished. 1.00

00:24:34.000 It's white and there's like steel and chrome. 1.00

00:24:36.000 It doesn't look like anywhere you want to put your asshole. 1.00

00:24:38.000 Really? 1.00

00:24:39.000 Yeah, it's not like warm and soft and inviting. 1.00

00:24:41.000 Place your asshole here. 1.00

00:24:42.000 We'll clean it off for you. 1.00

00:24:43.000 Wow. 0.99

00:24:44.000 No, it looks like metal and fucking... 1.00

00:24:46.000 It's 2010. You need a better way to clean my asshole with a machine than this stupid little monster-looking thing. 1.00

00:24:53.000 It looks like a torture contraption. 1.00

00:24:55.000 It looks like a faucet. 1.00

00:24:57.000 It looks like someone's going to shove that other stick right up your asshole and you turn it on and water goes inside your body or something. 1.00

00:25:02.000 I mean, that's what it looks like. 1.00

00:25:04.000 They should just make, like, a robot Asian face head that just eats your ass. 1.00

00:25:08.000 Like, you put your ass up and they clean it. 1.00

00:25:10.000 You just, like, lean your butt against it and they're like, yeah, clean it! 1.00

00:25:16.000 It looks like Lucy Liu or something.

00:25:19.000 What about for girls though?

00:25:20.000 We need something for girls. 1.00

00:25:21.000 Would it be a black guy? 0.88

00:25:23.000 They could use the same one. 0.76

00:25:24.000 Would they use the Asian girl? 1.00

00:25:26.000 No.

00:25:26.000 They would love it.

00:25:27.000 They wouldn't want to do that. 1.00

00:25:28.000 That's a dirty bitch that cleans their husband's asshole. 1.00

00:25:30.000 I guarantee if there was an asshole cleaning machine and it was a woman's face, like a really hot Asian woman, your wife would want her own asshole cleaning machine right next to it. 1.00

00:25:39.000 It would be Magic Johnson. 1.00

00:25:42.000 Or you send a picture, a photo to the manufacturer of your father, and they send back the father.

00:25:46.000 Could you imagine if you could do that?

00:25:48.000 I mean, why can't you do that soon in the future? 1.00

00:25:51.000 I guarantee you, in the future, there's going to be toilet seats that look like celebrities, and they can eat your asshole. 1.00

00:25:57.000 It's Julia Roberts! 1.00

00:25:59.000 Please, somebody Twitter this down.

00:26:02.000 That this is the future.

00:26:03.000 Because we're going to forget this.

00:26:05.000 Twitter me this, please. 1.00

00:26:07.000 Toilet seats that look like celebrities and they clean your asshole. 1.00

00:26:10.000 That is the future. 1.00

00:26:12.000 Genetic.

00:26:13.000 They're so close to replicating different parts of human beings.

00:26:17.000 They created a woman's bladder. 1.00

00:26:19.000 They took her bladder and they've used stem cells. 1.00

00:26:22.000 They took a piece of her bladder and they created a big bladder for her. 1.00

00:26:27.000 They're doing incredible things now.

00:26:29.000 That's going to be able to happen. 1.00

00:26:31.000 You're going to be able to have Puff Daddy in your asshole. 1.00

00:26:33.000 It's going to look like those wax figures. 1.00

00:26:36.000 Yes, except it's going to feel like flesh.

00:26:39.000 And they're going to have emotions. 1.00

00:26:40.000 And all he wants to do is lick your asshole. 1.00

00:26:42.000 That's it. 1.00

00:26:43.000 Yeah, but they have emotions.

00:26:45.000 Sometimes they will cry and be sad while they're doing it.

00:26:49.000 It's just Julia Roberts' face going... 1.00

00:26:51.000 No, no, no.

00:26:54.000 Who would you have if you had the ability to buy any celebrity?

00:26:58.000 Megan Fox.

00:27:00.000 But as a gag gif, I would get my friends like, hey, I got you at Brad Pitt.

00:27:03.000 Ha ha ha!

00:27:04.000 That would be brutal, though, if, like, what if your friends really like...

00:27:07.000 It's not even a real person, bro. 1.00

00:27:09.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:27:09.000 I want my asshole clean. 1.00

00:27:11.000 I like getting my asshole look. 1.00

00:27:13.000 What do you give a shit? 1.00

00:27:14.000 It's not even a real guy. 1.00

00:27:15.000 Because it's a guy's image. 1.00

00:27:17.000 A guy's image is eating your ass. 1.00

00:27:19.000 Who would you do? 1.00

00:27:20.000 I don't know, man.

00:27:21.000 I'd have to think about that.

00:27:22.000 I would go right for Megan Fox, but I would also have, like, a different one for special occasions.

00:27:27.000 Maybe I'd go with, like, Tracy Lord's right when she became legal. 0.96

00:27:31.000 I was thinking Tracy Chapman!

00:27:34.000 I was thinking of the violin player from Dave Matthews.

00:27:48.000 I met her on a VH1 thing.

00:27:53.000 They did a bunch of shows called The List.

00:27:56.000 And I got to sit down with Rob Halford from Judas Priest.

00:28:00.000 He was one of the guests.

00:28:01.000 Meat Loaf was one of the guests.

00:28:03.000 And I hosted it, and she was on it too.

00:28:06.000 She was one of the guests.

00:28:06.000 She's very nice.

00:28:08.000 She seems like a normal human.

00:28:10.000 But she was so super hot, man, when she was young.

00:28:14.000 Not that she's not super hot now. 0.99

00:28:15.000 It's pretty hot now, but god damn. 0.99

00:28:18.000 When she was young, it was just ridiculous. 1.00

00:28:20.000 She got into porn at like 16 and lied about her age. 0.98

00:28:22.000 They're all illegal.

00:28:23.000 Yeah.

00:28:25.000 I've never seen one or have one on my computer ever.

00:28:28.000 Yeah.

00:28:28.000 I mean, it should be illegal.

00:28:30.000 I totally understand.

00:28:31.000 I'm with you.

00:28:32.000 There's plenty of porn out there. 0.71

00:28:34.000 It's so funny. 0.95

00:28:34.000 Back then, though, the 70s looked like an old lady. 0.95

00:28:39.000 You look back at 70s videos, those kids don't look like kids.

00:28:42.000 They look like older women, like cougars or something like that. 1.00

00:28:45.000 Really?

00:28:45.000 You think?

00:28:45.000 Like their hair and their makeup.

00:28:47.000 Yeah.

00:28:48.000 They did dress crazy. 0.97

00:28:50.000 But it's so fascinating, man.

00:28:52.000 Those old porns are fascinating.

00:28:55.000 Bella Donna.

00:28:57.000 You like that one?

00:28:58.000 I like her.

00:28:59.000 She's Ari's favorite too, I think.

00:29:01.000 Yeah?

00:29:02.000 I just like her because she's like real. 0.99

00:29:04.000 She's like, hey, look, here's a picture of my butthole. 0.99

00:29:06.000 You're like, what? 0.99

00:29:06.000 Very real. 0.99

00:29:07.000 Yeah, she'll shock you with her twitters. 0.99

00:29:10.000 Yeah, she's got great twitters. 0.97

00:29:11.000 If you don't follow her, it's Bella Donna.

00:29:12.000 Yeah, she's like, not safe for work, and you click on it. 1.00

00:29:15.000 And it's a gaping butthole with cum dribbling out of it. 1.00

00:29:18.000 You're like, yeah, kind of. 0.99

00:29:21.000 I'm like, yeah, that's kind of not safe for work.

00:29:23.000 Talk about, you know, understatement of the year award.

00:29:26.000 You know, like, hey, hold on. 0.88

00:29:27.000 If you don't want to see a gaping butthole, dot, dot, dot. 1.00

00:29:32.000 It's funny because she was doing an asshole movie and so she was like practicing all week. 1.00

00:29:37.000 And she's like, I got to practice more. 1.00

00:29:38.000 And there's like a fist up her ass. 1.00

00:29:41.000 God bless her. 1.00

00:29:42.000 God bless you girl. 0.99

00:29:44.000 Keep going with it.

00:29:46.000 Enjoy.

00:29:48.000 So uh...

00:29:50.000 3D porn coming soon.

00:29:51.000 It is coming soon, man.

00:29:53.000 I was at the Sony store.

00:29:55.000 There's a Sony store at the mall, and they have a 3D TV. And you put glasses on, and you turn them on with a button, and it's just like watching Avatar in 3D. It's fucking insane!

00:30:06.000 They had sports on, they had soccer, and the soccer ball's fucking flying by you. 1.00

00:30:12.000 I mean, it's really wicked. 0.98

00:30:14.000 It's just so much more immersive.

00:30:16.000 It's really, really cool.

00:30:17.000 And that's going to be on TV soon, man.

00:30:19.000 It's coming out this summer in 2010. They're going to have the first units out.

00:30:25.000 And then it's going to just explode.

00:30:27.000 It's so crazy. 1.00

00:30:28.000 They're going to be filming shit in 3D! Everything's going to be in 3D. Hey, I got something to add to the old crop dusting theory. 0.99

00:30:35.000 I was thinking of this the other day.

00:30:37.000 The crop dusting pot on people?

00:30:40.000 Farts? 1.00

00:30:40.000 Shit, chemtrails. 1.00

00:30:41.000 Oh, chemtrails. 1.00

00:30:42.000 I got something I did the whole chemtrails discussing I thought of the other night. 1.00

00:30:45.000 So, if you're going to spray this shit over cities, where people are going to be like, what the fuck is that? 0.99

00:30:52.000 Wouldn't you do it at night? 1.00

00:30:53.000 Sure.

00:30:55.000 Yes.

00:30:56.000 I would do that.

00:30:58.000 Hey, should we do it when everyone can see it and is awake?

00:31:00.000 Or should we do it at 3 in the morning?

00:31:01.000 Well, that's part of the evil Orwell plan.

00:31:04.000 The evil plan is that they sprayed right above them.

00:31:07.000 They willingly allowed these politicians to control them with a spray from the sky. 1.00

00:31:13.000 You know who really, really, really believes that shit? 1.00

00:31:15.000 It's Prince. 1.00

00:31:17.000 Prince is like crazy by chemtrails.

00:31:19.000 He was like, you know, it was so crazy.

00:31:22.000 We would all be in the ghetto, and everybody would be playing and having a good time. 0.99

00:31:26.000 And then they'd start spraying that shit over our heads, and all of a sudden, everybody was fighting. 0.99

00:31:31.000 Like, why are we fighting? 0.99

00:31:32.000 What's it about?

00:31:33.000 Like, what? 1.00

00:31:34.000 The fuck are you talking about? 1.00

00:31:37.000 People always fight. 1.00

00:31:38.000 There's always violence. 1.00

00:31:39.000 Are you insane? 0.99

00:31:41.000 Any place where people are poor, people are violent. 1.00

00:31:43.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:31:45.000 You really think that they're spraying shit from the sky that's making people in poor communities be violent? 1.00

00:31:51.000 Wowza. 1.00

00:31:53.000 People believe some nutty shit. 1.00

00:31:55.000 Can you imagine being stuck in an elevator with Prince? 1.00

00:31:58.000 That would be crazy.

00:31:59.000 I would love it.

00:32:00.000 He's a genius.

00:32:01.000 I would love to just be in that guy's presence and just talk to him.

00:32:04.000 A fascinating dude.

00:32:05.000 But sometimes...

00:32:06.000 Even dudes who are geniuses at anything, whether it's playing chess or being a martial artist, sometimes there's something wrong with them to get them there.

00:32:17.000 There's something about getting really amazing at something. 0.82

00:32:21.000 People that are the very, very best at something, they're almost all crazy.

00:32:26.000 It's really hard not to be, you know?

00:32:29.000 Could you imagine if you were the best in the world, like a Lance Armstrong type dude? 0.97

00:32:34.000 How's that dude not fucking crazy? 0.95

00:32:38.000 And then he made pancakes. 0.99

00:32:39.000 Just thought of your pancake story.

00:32:41.000 What pancake story is that?

00:32:43.000 About waking up in the morning, making a devil's pancakes.

00:32:47.000 Oh, that story?

00:32:48.000 Yeah, I can't tell you that story.

00:32:49.000 That would be so rude.

00:32:50.000 Yeah, that would be so rude.

00:32:53.000 Personal story, ladies and gentlemen.

00:32:54.000 Protect my friends.

00:32:56.000 Who is Joe Rogan?

00:32:57.000 Who are you, man?

00:32:58.000 How dare you, Todd Jones?

00:33:00.000 Who am I? Yeah, man.

00:33:01.000 Who?

00:33:02.000 No, maybe that seems like thinking deep style.

00:33:04.000 No, I ain't thinking deep.

00:33:04.000 Who is Joe Rogan?

00:33:05.000 He ain't thinking deep.

00:33:06.000 He's being mean to me.

00:33:09.000 I don't know you either, man! 1.00

00:33:11.000 Fuck you, man! 1.00

00:33:13.000 But if you ask that same question to John Malkovich, you'd be like, who is John Malkovich? 1.00

00:33:16.000 I'll tell you.

00:33:17.000 You know?

00:33:17.000 Like, you would really look at that different product.

00:33:20.000 I gotta reboot this up. 0.99

00:33:22.000 My shit is whack. 1.00

00:33:24.000 Dude, how awesome is that Dana White's playing all the Pride shit on Spike TV? Dude, the Pride is so much fun. 1.00

00:33:31.000 That is awesome, man.

00:33:32.000 I've been addicted to it.

00:33:34.000 They're so much fun.

00:33:35.000 I showed Brian the...

00:33:38.000 The difference between the rules.

00:33:41.000 Brian was the one I talked about in my blog, where when the dude tried to stomp the dude, he went, he could do that!

00:33:47.000 Remember?

00:33:47.000 Yeah, I was really stoned and no one pre-warned me.

00:33:50.000 The next thing I know, this guy's like stomping this guy's brain and I'm like, whoa, whoa, is he trying to kill the guy? 0.99

00:33:55.000 It was pretty fucked up. 1.00

00:33:57.000 It's like when you watch those Pride fights, they were pretty fucked up. 1.00

00:34:01.000 It's like old school UFC. Yeah, but there's something about the way they did it, man. 0.98

00:34:07.000 I like it.

00:34:08.000 I love the fact that they did 10 minute rounds.

00:34:10.000 The first round is 10 minutes.

00:34:12.000 That's great.

00:34:12.000 That's how it should be.

00:34:13.000 Yeah, well, you know, and everybody says, no, bullshit, because it's too hard on the fighters. 0.84

00:34:18.000 I don't necessarily know if that's true.

00:34:20.000 You know, there's a lot of times where a momentum is being established, and it's being established, and you would like to see where it goes.

00:34:26.000 You don't want to see them, like, fuel up and have some water in the corner.

00:34:29.000 I want to see where it goes from there.

00:34:31.000 If a dude works for, like, four minutes, I think that's what the best guys would want.

00:34:48.000 The best guys would want to see that.

00:34:49.000 They would want to see a big-ass 10-minute round. 1.00

00:34:53.000 In the interest of the safety of the fighters, though, they're going to take less damage in a five-minute round.

00:34:57.000 That's why I accept it.

00:34:58.000 I accept the unified rules because if you look at it, like, in terms of, like, what's going to be the most palatable for the American public, yeah, that's the most palatable.

00:35:07.000 Five-minute rounds, you know, five rounds for championship fights.

00:35:10.000 I totally agree with all that stuff.

00:35:11.000 The only thing...

00:35:12.000 Sometimes I think that I would substitute knees on the ground for elbows.

00:35:17.000 I think knees from that position when you're holding on to a guy and you can knee him in the face... 0.99

00:35:22.000 Elbows on the ground cut the shit out of dudes. 0.99

00:35:25.000 And sometimes they fuck up fights. 0.99

00:35:28.000 They'll end a fight early that was a really good fight and it's because of a cut. 0.84

00:35:32.000 Usually that doesn't happen.

00:35:34.000 The UFC is so much better about that than boxing though.

00:35:38.000 Boxing, any kind of a bad cut, and they'll stop the fight right away. 0.88

00:35:41.000 UFC let Stefan Struve fight, and he had like a hatchet wound in his head.

00:35:45.000 I mean, it was a giant cut.

00:35:48.000 It was a giant cut.

00:35:49.000 And they let the fight go, and he eventually got the dude down and choked him out.

00:35:53.000 And it was an incredible fight.

00:35:54.000 I mean, he was busted wide open, covered with blood.

00:35:57.000 It was insane.

00:35:58.000 And after it was over, the guy was so dizzy, he had lost so much blood, he could barely talk to me.

00:36:02.000 I was talking to him after the fight.

00:36:04.000 It was incredible.

00:36:06.000 They would never let that happen in a boxing match.

00:36:08.000 I think it was kind of crazy that that fight took place in Germany.

00:36:12.000 Because the Germans were kind of reluctant to have the UFC there.

00:36:17.000 And then I was thinking, wow, this is one of the bloodiest fights ever.

00:36:22.000 This is where it's going to take place.

00:36:25.000 A place where they're apprehensive about it.

00:36:27.000 Apparently a bunch of German dudes came down to see the UFC in Vegas.

00:36:32.000 And they didn't like it.

00:36:33.000 They thought it was...

00:36:35.000 Horrific and violent.

00:36:36.000 It's kind of like pink spinning with the water.

00:36:39.000 Did you see that on the Grammys?

00:36:40.000 Dude, that girl's so talented. 1.00

00:36:43.000 That's pretty amazing, though.

00:36:44.000 She's very talented, man.

00:36:45.000 She's something about her performance charisma.

00:36:49.000 When she walks on stage, you have to step back.

00:36:53.000 She's got it.

00:36:54.000 Whatever it is, she's got it.

00:36:56.000 She's hot. 1.00

00:36:57.000 She's like...

00:36:59.000 There's something about just the way that she just walks on stage and sings so confidently and so calmly, like her energy.

00:37:07.000 It's like, that's a girl that's like born to perform. 1.00

00:37:10.000 That bitch can perform her fucking ass off. 1.00

00:37:13.000 And then when she goes up in the air, you're going to go, oh, well, the other ones are going to do the acrobatics. 1.00

00:37:17.000 She ain't going to do shit. 1.00

00:37:18.000 She's just going to kind of like get lifted up. 1.00

00:37:20.000 No, she gets all fucking crazy. 1.00

00:37:23.000 And she's like in this half-naked outfit. 0.99

00:37:25.000 And she's dunked in water. 0.99

00:37:26.000 And she's spinning around.

00:37:27.000 And then she turns up.

00:37:28.000 She's spinning with her head down.

00:37:30.000 And she's singing at the same time. 1.00

00:37:32.000 That's the baddest bitch in music. 1.00

00:37:34.000 Period. 1.00

00:37:35.000 Everybody else, shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:37:37.000 Shut the fuck up, man. 1.00

00:37:39.000 Pink just owned all those bitches. 1.00

00:37:41.000 All of them. 1.00

00:37:42.000 Lady Gaga, sit the fuck down. 1.00

00:37:44.000 Did you not see what happened? 1.00

00:37:45.000 Can you do that? 1.00

00:37:45.000 If you can't, shut up. 1.00

00:37:47.000 Lady Gaga was pretty good, too. 0.99

00:37:48.000 I didn't see it. 1.00

00:37:49.000 That fucking Poker Face song made me want to punch holes through walls. 1.00

00:37:53.000 I like Lady Gaga for some reason. 1.00

00:37:55.000 I don't know why.

00:37:55.000 You can like it all you want, fella.

00:37:57.000 That's not my cup of tea.

00:38:00.000 My, my, my, my, Poker Face.

00:38:02.000 I love chick songs.

00:38:04.000 I love when chicks sing. 1.00

00:38:05.000 Yeah.

00:38:05.000 People get in my car and they think it's a joke.

00:38:07.000 Dude, you gotta get this CD. Le Tigre.

00:38:10.000 L-E space.

00:38:12.000 Somebody else told me that, too.

00:38:13.000 I think maybe I told you already.

00:38:14.000 Yeah?

00:38:14.000 T-I-G-R-E. I think someone told me that on Twitter recently, too.

00:38:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:38:18.000 They fucking jam, man. 1.00

00:38:20.000 Yeah? 1.00

00:38:21.000 They're like punk chicks. 1.00

00:38:22.000 Punk chicks? 1.00

00:38:23.000 Yeah. 0.89

00:38:24.000 Oh, dude, I'm all over that.

00:38:26.000 Tigra.

00:38:27.000 I love chicks with great voices. 1.00

00:38:29.000 People would get in my car and I have Sheryl Crow on and they would think it was a joke.

00:38:34.000 I'm like, what are you joking?

00:38:35.000 I'm like, no, I like this song.

00:38:36.000 It's a good CD. It is.

00:38:38.000 Her voice is comforting.

00:38:41.000 Her voice makes you feel like you're going to cuddle up in the corner in front of the fire.

00:38:46.000 Sarah McLachan.

00:38:47.000 She's giving you a big hug with her voice.

00:38:53.000 It's French for the tiger.

00:38:54.000 What happened to the Breeders?

00:38:56.000 The what?

00:38:57.000 The Breeders, remember them?

00:38:59.000 The ones that had a big song in the 90s.

00:39:04.000 I mean Last Splash.

00:39:09.000 They were like big and then they just went away.

00:39:12.000 Yeah, I think it's really hard to keep a musical band together.

00:39:16.000 I know Eddie has a hard time keeping...

00:39:20.000 He does a bunch of different projects all at the same time, so he doesn't ever have to rely on any one person.

00:39:26.000 And he runs all of them.

00:39:28.000 It's got to be super hard to keep a bunch of people who are wanting to be stars and wanting to...

00:39:34.000 You just can't wait to get rich and get nutty and fucking lose their marbles and think that they're the reason why this band's there in the first place.

00:39:40.000 And how many arguments like that happen in bands? 0.97

00:39:42.000 You know?

00:39:43.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:44.000 They're all nuts. 1.00

00:39:45.000 They all want to be the alpha. 0.98

00:39:46.000 It's so very rare that a band like a Foo Fighters band or something like that could really come together and just be this badass band and keep it together and make good music.

00:39:57.000 It's so hard.

00:39:59.000 It seems like bands are good for a couple of CDs, and then it just gets rough for most of them.

00:40:07.000 The rare few can just keep jamming on.

00:40:10.000 The rare few, like the Rolling Stones, just keep it together forever.

00:40:13.000 That's nuts.

00:40:18.000 The crazy thing about the Rolling Stones is they're going out like a young rock band. 0.99

00:40:24.000 Mick Jagger still bounces around on stage and yelling and shit. 0.97

00:40:28.000 He's in incredible shape. 0.99

00:40:31.000 You know?

00:40:31.000 That's the amazing thing about how the Stones are doing it.

00:40:34.000 It's not like he's just, you know, decided in his later years he's just going to stand there and sing the song. 0.99

00:40:41.000 He's still fucking running around. 1.00

00:40:43.000 He still takes his shirt off and shit. 1.00

00:40:45.000 He looks like a monster, you know? 1.00

00:40:47.000 He looks like a bunch of knees. 0.99

00:40:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:40:51.000 It's like he just glued a bunch of knees like put the fucking lotion in the basket guy. 1.00

00:40:56.000 Yeah, it's hilarious, man. 1.00

00:40:58.000 But he's got like a six-pack and shit, you know? 0.99

00:41:01.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:41:01.000 The dude has to be in like insane shape to do that act. 1.00

00:41:04.000 That's incredible, man.

00:41:07.000 Mick Jagger's still keeping it out there.

00:41:09.000 Yeah.

00:41:11.000 So what's his name?

00:41:13.000 Springsteen and all those guys.

00:41:16.000 Springsteen?

00:41:17.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:41:17.000 Yeah, he's still out there doing crazy four-hour concerts and shit. 0.99

00:41:23.000 You know what, man? 0.93

00:41:24.000 Those guys have people that love them.

00:41:26.000 There's people that have fans, and then there's people like Bruce Springsteen that have people that worship him and live for the fact that Bruce Springsteen is alive.

00:41:37.000 And their whole day revolves around Springsteen.

00:41:39.000 And they probably post on a message board somewhere.

00:41:42.000 And their message board name is probably like B Springsteen or something like that, you know what I'm saying?

00:41:47.000 Or some obscure nickname that they know that Bruce Springsteen had when he was younger that they dropped after a while, you know what I'm saying? 0.98

00:41:54.000 You know, the fucking, the Long Island Expressway, whatever the fuck it would be, you know, whatever they would call him. 0.99

00:42:00.000 People get nutty, man. 1.00

00:42:02.000 You know?

00:42:02.000 People get nutty about people.

00:42:03.000 Especially Jersey guys. 1.00

00:42:05.000 He's from fucking Jersey. 1.00

00:42:06.000 Bruce Pinks, he's from Jersey. 1.00

00:42:08.000 Still lives in Jersey.

00:42:08.000 He loves Jersey.

00:42:09.000 They get fucking crazy, man. 1.00

00:42:11.000 Jersey people are so crazy. 1.00

00:42:12.000 They're savages. 1.00

00:42:14.000 They're savages. 0.97

00:42:15.000 That's where I was born, by the way. 0.92

00:42:16.000 Don't get angry.

00:42:17.000 I'm talking about me.

00:42:18.000 I just saw Kitchen Nightmares that was in Jersey, and the whole family was just out of their minds.

00:42:23.000 Dude, they're some of the toughest guys that fight in the UFC or from Jersey.

00:42:27.000 Really?

00:42:27.000 Frankie Edgar, Jim Miller, Dan Miller.

00:42:30.000 Those guys are all Jersey guys. 1.00

00:42:31.000 They're fucking savages. 1.00

00:42:33.000 They're different kinds of dudes. 1.00

00:42:35.000 They will fight you. 1.00

00:42:36.000 They will fucking punch you in the head. 1.00

00:42:38.000 It's a totally different type of human being than the average dude that grows up in California. 1.00

00:42:44.000 People are so much more relaxed in California.

00:42:46.000 So much friendlier, so much nicer. 1.00

00:42:48.000 Jersey people will punch you in your fucking head. 1.00

00:42:51.000 It's not all of them, you know? 1.00

00:42:52.000 And they're not bad guys.

00:42:54.000 They're not mean.

00:42:56.000 There's a level of tension in certain towns.

00:42:59.000 Philly's another one.

00:43:00.000 There's a level of tension in Philly, you know, that the dudes who come out of there are You know, so many badasses come out of Philadelphia.

00:43:08.000 Boxers.

00:43:09.000 Joe Frazier came out of Philadelphia.

00:43:11.000 Bernard Hopkins came out of Philadelphia.

00:43:13.000 In MMA, you got Eddie Alvarez comes out of Philadelphia. 1.00

00:43:15.000 I mean, Philadelphia's filled with fucking animals. 1.00

00:43:18.000 You know, that's a crazy-ass tough town. 1.00

00:43:20.000 It's weird how there's towns like that, isn't it?

00:43:23.000 There's certain towns that just have, like, you know, no one thinks of, like, San Francisco as being, like, aggressive, you know?

00:43:30.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:43:30.000 Like, it's like kind of a relaxed town.

00:43:33.000 You'd almost feel like if you got mugged in San Francisco, you're a pussy. 1.00

00:43:36.000 But no, there's like regular people in San Francisco. 1.00

00:43:39.000 There's violence there too.

00:43:41.000 But some places it's just way more violent, right?

00:43:44.000 Yeah.

00:43:44.000 Columbus?

00:43:45.000 You grew up in Columbus, Ohio?

00:43:46.000 Yeah.

00:43:46.000 Did people get tense in the winter?

00:43:49.000 No, not really.

00:43:50.000 But the worst is Cleveland.

00:43:53.000 Cleveland's getting bad.

00:43:54.000 But Michigan, driving through Michigan to go to the casinos, that was scary.

00:43:58.000 Cars on fire and houses.

00:44:00.000 They got bears walking through Detroit.

00:44:02.000 They spotted bears in the city of Detroit.

00:44:04.000 There's so many abandoned houses that bears are starting to move back around.

00:44:08.000 That's nuts.

00:44:09.000 Yep.

00:44:09.000 Bears in Detroit.

00:44:11.000 Whoa! 1.00

00:44:12.000 That's some spooky shit, man. 1.00

00:44:13.000 That's like one of my bits. 1.00

00:44:15.000 It really is. 0.99

00:44:16.000 That's like the bit I have about the dumb people outbreeding the smart people. 1.00

00:44:21.000 The smart people die off and everything shuts down and then the dumb people are stuck there. 1.00

00:44:25.000 But in this case, it's poor, unfortunate people that were actually born in this one town. 0.99

00:44:30.000 It's happening so fast.

00:44:31.000 Detroit is falling apart at this insane rate.

00:44:35.000 And it's not getting any better.

00:44:37.000 They say that it's over 50% joblessness in Detroit because they report like 20-something percent, but the rest of them are just people who have stopped counting them after like a year.

00:44:47.000 It's crazy, man.

00:44:49.000 It's scary, you know? 0.99

00:44:51.000 We used to make the coolest fucking cars ever. 0.99

00:44:55.000 If you compare just on a coolness factor... 0.97

00:44:57.000 Like some of the cars that America was making in like 1969 and then like Alfa Romeo. 1.00

00:45:03.000 Those gay looking pieces of shit. 1.00

00:45:05.000 Those goofy looking clunk boxes. 1.00

00:45:07.000 Take a 1967 Corvette over all those bitches. 1.00

00:45:11.000 You know, America was making some radical fucking cars, man. 1.00

00:45:19.000 They're still making pretty good cars. 0.98

00:45:22.000 JK just got news today that she has two recalls on her Toyota. 0.98

00:45:26.000 And she's like, holy shit, I have one of these cars! 0.95

00:45:29.000 And she's like, what am I supposed to do? 0.97

00:45:30.000 And they're like, well, you know, just drive careful and... 1.00

00:45:34.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:45:35.000 And she's like, whoa! 1.00

00:45:36.000 The floor mats get stuck on the gap.

00:45:38.000 They're not even saying that.

00:45:39.000 There's some people that are saying that whatever programming is...

00:45:42.000 Steve Wozniak said that he's figured out that it's a software error.

00:45:47.000 Oh my.

00:45:48.000 And so now we're thinking, wait, our cars would go crazy over software now?

00:45:51.000 Oh my god.

00:45:52.000 You got PC in your car now, it's got a virus, and now I can control your car and lock the doors?

00:45:57.000 Oh my god, I didn't even think about that. 0.99

00:46:00.000 Somebody could Bluetooth your fucking car. 1.00

00:46:02.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:46:02.000 They could hack your car. 1.00

00:46:03.000 They could drive up right next to you, they could hack your car.

00:46:06.000 Lock the doors like Mission Impossible style.

00:46:08.000 Shut off the brakes.

00:46:09.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:10.000 I wonder what the fuck they can do to stop shit like that from happening. 1.00

00:46:13.000 Dude, that's craziness. 1.00

00:46:14.000 I didn't even think about that.

00:46:15.000 And did you hear that 911 call of the people that were in one of the cars that led to the recall?

00:46:21.000 There's a 911 call that you can listen to where the guy's like, Hi, we're going down the freeway.

00:46:25.000 We're going about 120. Our brakes aren't working.

00:46:28.000 We can't turn off the car.

00:46:29.000 And we're going towards the end of the freeway.

00:46:31.000 And we're going through an intersection.

00:46:33.000 Ah!

00:46:35.000 Family of four or something like that.

00:46:37.000 It's awful. 1.00

00:46:38.000 All because of this Toyota bullshit. 1.00

00:46:40.000 I don't even want to hear about this, man. 1.00

00:46:43.000 That's scary as fuck, man. 0.98

00:46:45.000 Check out Google 911 call Toyota recall. 0.99

00:46:49.000 Jesus.

00:46:50.000 Well, I have a Lexus.

00:46:53.000 I mean, Lexus is made by Toyota.

00:46:54.000 Right.

00:46:54.000 I think actually it was a Lexus that...

00:46:56.000 Jesus!

00:46:56.000 Have you checked to see if your car's on a recall list?

00:46:58.000 No.

00:46:59.000 You better do it right now.

00:47:00.000 Jessica just did today two. 1.00

00:47:02.000 Two recalls on her car. 0.99

00:47:03.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00

00:47:04.000 I swear to God. 1.00

00:47:05.000 You're doing it with Lexuses too?

00:47:05.000 And the Lexus was the one that was in that car accident.

00:47:08.000 What?

00:47:09.000 Yeah.

00:47:09.000 I'm pretty sure.

00:47:11.000 Here, let's Google that.

00:47:13.000 Lexus recall.

00:47:14.000 911 call Toyota.

00:47:17.000 Toyota Lexus.

00:47:18.000 It's a matte recall.

00:47:19.000 It's a matte.

00:47:21.000 They're not saying anything about a software thing.

00:47:24.000 No, Steve Wozniak is saying that.

00:47:25.000 Pull up the link where Wozniak said that about a software thing.

00:47:27.000 It was on Engadget yesterday.

00:47:29.000 Let's post it up for people because this is kind of important.

00:47:32.000 Okay.

00:47:33.000 Otherwise we could get in trouble.

00:47:34.000 Alright.

00:47:35.000 Alright.

00:47:35.000 Not really, but okay.

00:47:37.000 Can we not for saying that he said that if he didn't?

00:47:40.000 No.

00:47:41.000 No. 1.00

00:47:41.000 We could say he fucking says he likes to suck cock, you know? 1.00

00:47:45.000 No. 1.00

00:47:45.000 How do you guys say that? 1.00

00:47:46.000 See, you just made something up about him.

00:47:48.000 You can't be saying that.

00:47:49.000 I didn't make that up.

00:47:50.000 Brian.

00:47:51.000 I'm talking about Steve Wozniak, my dog.

00:47:53.000 Is it your dog?

00:47:54.000 You guys tight?

00:47:55.000 Yeah.

00:47:55.000 I didn't know, boo.

00:47:56.000 My dog.

00:47:56.000 Have you seen that they added multi-touch to that new Google phone?

00:48:02.000 Yeah.

00:48:03.000 Just like an iPhone.

00:48:04.000 It does the same thing.

00:48:04.000 Yep.

00:48:04.000 It's about time.

00:48:06.000 Now, nobody owns the right to do that.

00:48:08.000 Nobody owns that.

00:48:09.000 Supposedly, Apple had the U.S. patent on it.

00:48:12.000 So what, are they selling it to all these people?

00:48:14.000 Probably.

00:48:16.000 But I don't know if that's all speculation.

00:48:20.000 Actually, it's probably Gizmodo that had it. 1.00

00:48:22.000 You can't find it, you motherfucker. 1.00

00:48:24.000 Watch Google it. 1.00

00:48:24.000 It's just Gizmo. 1.00

00:48:26.000 Google it, bitch! 1.00

00:48:29.000 This is ridiculous. 1.00

00:48:30.000 This is no way to run a fucking internet show, ladies and gentlemen. 0.99

00:48:33.000 Well, we're going to find out which cars were called. 0.98

00:48:38.000 And whether or not Steve Wozniak actually said it was a software issue.

00:48:41.000 Yep. 1.00

00:48:41.000 That's scary shit. 1.00

00:48:42.000 He's really pissed. 1.00

00:48:43.000 That's scary shit because that guy's a super genius. 0.99

00:48:46.000 One of the guys who helped create Apple, you know? 1.00

00:48:49.000 And, you know, that's not something that someone would say lightly.

00:48:53.000 Okay.

00:48:55.000 Toyota to borrow Steve Wozniak's Prius for a week.

00:48:58.000 No.

00:48:59.000 That's not it.

00:49:02.000 There.

00:49:03.000 Oh.

00:49:04.000 No.

00:49:05.000 That's software duplicate.

00:49:06.000 That ain't it either.

00:49:08.000 That's it?

00:49:09.000 Yep.

00:49:09.000 Toyota Prius has scary software program he can duplicate.

00:49:13.000 Told the crowd of a potential acceleration problem in the Prius.

00:49:18.000 Oh, it's not under a recall.

00:49:21.000 This is software.

00:49:23.000 It's not a bad accelerator pedal.

00:49:24.000 It's very scary.

00:49:26.000 Whoa! 0.71

00:49:27.000 Toyota has this accelerator problem we've all heard about.

00:49:32.000 I have many models.

00:49:34.000 A Prius that got recalled, but I have a new model that didn't get recalled.

00:49:38.000 This model has an accelerator that goes wild, but only under certain conditions of cruise control, and I can repeat it over and over again safely.

00:49:46.000 Whoa! 0.99

00:49:47.000 Holy shit! 1.00

00:49:49.000 That's fucking terrifying. 1.00

00:49:51.000 That's what's the greatest thing about old cars. 0.99

00:49:53.000 Old cars are fucking terrible to drive, like my old 1970 Barracuda. 0.98

00:49:56.000 Yep. 0.99

00:49:58.000 There's something about old cars where there's no computer running nothing.

00:50:02.000 There's like a direct experience between you and the engine, you know?

00:50:05.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:50:06.000 Like those old, the sound of the engine, everything about it.

00:50:10.000 It connected to the car.

00:50:11.000 It was all connected. 1.00

00:50:12.000 There ain't no fucking computer's gonna save you, bitch. 1.00

00:50:15.000 It's just a car. 1.00

00:50:16.000 You better not get crazy.

00:50:17.000 You better not think you can, you know, take that turn too quick and, you know, the wheels will lock up on the outside so you'll be alright. 1.00

00:50:23.000 No, you're fucked, man. 1.00

00:50:24.000 That's not gonna save you. 1.00

00:50:27.000 One of the many reasons not to buy a Prius.

00:50:29.000 You know what's really interesting?

00:50:31.000 I think it was a Prius that they did.

00:50:33.000 They did this because a Prius is a hybrid, right?

00:50:35.000 Yes.

00:50:36.000 Yeah, it was a Prius then.

00:50:37.000 They took a Prius. 0.98

00:50:39.000 They did this on Top Gear, that fucking awesome car show on BBC. If you haven't seen it, you can get it on BBC. You get it on DirecTV, they have BBC America. 0.98

00:50:50.000 It's an awesome car show.

00:50:52.000 They did this test where they took...

00:50:54.000 A Prius, and they ran it around a track as fast as it could go.

00:50:58.000 As fast as they could get it to go around the track.

00:51:00.000 And they followed it with a BMW M3, which has a big V8. And they found out that all the BMW had to do was to stay at the same pace as the Prius.

00:51:10.000 Just keep up with it.

00:51:11.000 That's all it had to do.

00:51:12.000 Well, when they measured it miles per gallon, the BMW got more miles per gallon than the Prius. 1.00

00:51:17.000 It's like when you drive it fast, It's like, it's a piece of shit. 1.00

00:51:21.000 It's like, that's ridiculous. 1.00

00:51:23.000 Yeah, there's no reason to, in the long run, the price also costs so much more money that you'll be spending on the car that it's not even worth the money you save on gas. 0.98

00:51:31.000 It's ridiculous. 0.90

00:51:32.000 They're gross looking, too. 0.98

00:51:33.000 And it was, uh, I think they said it was like the difference between, like, the Prius was only getting like 14 miles to the gallon, and the BMW got like 17 or 18. Yeah.

00:51:41.000 By the way, I posted the, uh, Don't quote me on those numbers.

00:51:44.000 Steve Wozniak video has posted at my Twitter, which is backslash redband.

00:51:48.000 I'm going to retweet. 1.00

00:51:49.000 Retweet my shit. 1.00

00:51:51.000 Retweet like a motherfucker. 1.00

00:51:53.000 You know how we do. 1.00

00:51:56.000 And what's also weird, we're talking about the iPad now.

00:51:58.000 So a manufacturer that's going to fix iPads.

00:52:04.000 He has a company that fixes iPhones, fixes a third-party warranty guy.

00:52:08.000 Did you tweet that?

00:52:09.000 Yeah.

00:52:10.000 He just got it.

00:52:12.000 Just now.

00:52:14.000 I don't see it.

00:52:16.000 That's because you're using that.

00:52:18.000 I don't see it, dude.

00:52:20.000 Go to my Twitter page. 0.98

00:52:22.000 Goddammit. 0.98

00:52:23.000 Do it how you're supposed to do it. 0.98

00:52:25.000 That's gross.

00:52:26.000 Use a Twitter page?

00:52:27.000 If you don't use TweetDeck, man, you live in so 2009. I don't tweet that much.

00:52:32.000 Oh, yeah.

00:52:33.000 Whatever.

00:52:35.000 Lies. 0.99

00:52:35.000 I forget what I was saying. 0.99

00:52:36.000 Yeah, because you're stoned.

00:52:39.000 Oh, so this iPad manufacturer that is going to fix iPads, he fixes iPhones, just got a shipment of replacement bezels for the iPad, so if he ever has to replace that, and it has a spot for a camera in it. 0.99

00:52:51.000 Damn.

00:52:51.000 And the software has calls to a camera and all those other things, so the iPad, they might not even be done with the iPad.

00:52:58.000 Like, it's going to come out with a camera and all these other things, probably. 0.99

00:53:00.000 Damn. 0.99

00:53:01.000 That's what it looks like. 0.99

00:53:03.000 So this is just the beginning.

00:53:05.000 So the first one is just this plain one.

00:53:07.000 The first one was not finished is what a lot of people are thinking.

00:53:10.000 It was like a prototype, because that's why it's two months away and stuff.

00:53:13.000 They were still...

00:53:14.000 Really? 1.00

00:53:15.000 This sounds like some fucking conspiracy type shit, my man. 1.00

00:53:19.000 Some marketing shit, too, probably. 1.00

00:53:20.000 You think? 1.00

00:53:21.000 Probably.

00:53:21.000 Why would you do that, though?

00:53:22.000 Why would you release a crappy one?

00:53:24.000 Or not a crappy one.

00:53:24.000 Because people are going to be talking about it every time there's a new rumor.

00:53:27.000 Like, oh, now it has a...

00:53:29.000 Well, maybe they'll hold off for a few months and then come out with a version 2. Maybe they'll do that.

00:53:34.000 But if they're doing anything like the iPhone, it's probably once a year.

00:53:38.000 Yeah.

00:53:40.000 They got it down, man. 1.00

00:53:41.000 They got people that are bitches. 1.00

00:53:42.000 Apple has more people that are bitches than any other company in the world. 1.00

00:53:46.000 Did you see the spy shot of the next iPhone? 0.99

00:53:50.000 Which is funny because I was just thinking how... 0.99

00:53:52.000 I'm a little bit of an Apple bitch. 0.99

00:53:54.000 I'm going to be honest with you. 0.99

00:53:55.000 They got me a little. 0.52

00:53:56.000 I get all fucking hyped up when I find out they have a new announcement. 0.85

00:53:59.000 I get fired up. 0.84

00:54:00.000 I don't remember the last time I ever got fired up for anything that Microsoft makes.

00:54:05.000 It's funny because these photos that get released, like this photo of the next iPhone, is so awful.

00:54:10.000 It could be just like a box on the ground, and it's like people are freaking out about this.

00:54:14.000 You know what's really funny?

00:54:15.000 People, yeah, what is that? 0.99

00:54:17.000 Who knows what the fuck that is? 0.93

00:54:18.000 What people are hilarious about. 0.99

00:54:20.000 That looks like an iPhone, man. 1.00

00:54:21.000 People are retarded. 1.00

00:54:22.000 I know! 1.00

00:54:24.000 Who gives a shit whether they use Windows or Mac? 0.99

00:54:27.000 Everybody gets nutty. 0.99

00:54:28.000 That's what's really crazy about all this shit is that people pick teams, you know, with their own team Windows or team Mac. 1.00

00:54:35.000 Like, what the fuck do you care? 1.00

00:54:37.000 Like, really? 1.00

00:54:38.000 Why does everybody want everybody else to be using the same shit? 1.00

00:54:42.000 If you don't prefer it, that's fine. 1.00

00:54:43.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.98

00:54:44.000 I have taken pictures and had a picture online. 0.99

00:54:46.000 You know, of me on a laptop and you see the little Apple thing? 1.00

00:54:50.000 Oh, Joe, what the fuck? 0.99

00:54:51.000 Didn't know you used Mac. 1.00

00:54:52.000 So gay. 1.00

00:54:53.000 Like, what? 0.99

00:54:53.000 You're upset at the choice of computer I make? 0.99

00:54:56.000 Yeah, that's weird.

00:54:58.000 I'm on the wrong computer team?

00:55:00.000 Really?

00:55:00.000 We have computer teams?

00:55:01.000 We team up for everything. 1.00

00:55:03.000 We are fucking dumb. 1.00

00:55:05.000 Goddamn people are dumb. 1.00

00:55:06.000 We argue over fucking operating systems. 1.00

00:55:09.000 People get mad if you choose the wrong brand of car. 0.99

00:55:12.000 There's dudes who get mad at their buddies for buying Chevys. 1.00

00:55:15.000 What the fuck, bro? 1.00

00:55:16.000 Ford for life. 1.00

00:55:17.000 We were Ford for life, bro.

00:55:18.000 We were Ford for life. 1.00

00:55:20.000 Those dumb assholes. 1.00

00:55:21.000 They have the picture of the Calvin and Hobbes peeing on the Chevy logo. 1.00

00:55:26.000 And there's weird things.

00:55:27.000 There's just certain things that are like Coke and Pepsi.

00:55:30.000 Dude, you like Pepsi? 1.00

00:55:31.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:55:31.000 What the fuck is wrong with you? 1.00

00:55:33.000 Is there a definitive difference between the two of them? 1.00

00:55:35.000 Who cares?

00:55:36.000 Especially when they come out of a fountain.

00:55:37.000 When you go to a sub shop and you go in the fountain, that could be anything.

00:55:42.000 That's not Diet Coke. 0.99

00:55:44.000 What the fuck is that? 0.99

00:55:45.000 That doesn't taste like anything like Diet Coke. 1.00

00:55:47.000 It's like there's a certain amount of sweetener and a certain amount of color and you shut the fuck up and drink it. 1.00

00:55:52.000 That's pig slop, man. 1.00

00:55:54.000 That's from shit you only drink because you're starving or you're drunk. 1.00

00:55:59.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:59.000 Those motherfuckers. 1.00

00:56:00.000 People are so goddamn dumb. 1.00

00:56:05.000 Us included sometimes, but not as much. 1.00

00:56:08.000 Not as much as last year.

00:56:10.000 Moving forward for the future.

00:56:12.000 Always trying to evolve.

00:56:15.000 Hey.

00:56:15.000 Ho.

00:56:16.000 Did you see that video of somebody filmed of the space shuttle blowing up?

00:56:19.000 Yeah, it's pretty trippy.

00:56:20.000 George, something's weird there, George.

00:56:23.000 Is that trouble?

00:56:24.000 We got something hangering up in the hall.

00:56:26.000 No, when it exploded in the sky and started spinning around in separate pieces, that's not trouble.

00:56:33.000 No.

00:56:35.000 Oh, it's split in two like a heart!

00:56:37.000 Brighter than usual.

00:56:39.000 Guy sounded like Jiminy Cricket.

00:56:40.000 I know.

00:56:41.000 Hey, Pinocchio!

00:56:42.000 You're going to get in trouble!

00:56:44.000 You've got to go to school!

00:56:46.000 Pinocchio, come here and look at this!

00:56:47.000 Is that troubling this guy?

00:56:49.000 Ha ha ha!

00:56:49.000 What a horrible challenge.

00:56:50.000 Where's my handkerchief?

00:56:51.000 There was like a female, the woman, not to belittle the challenger exploding. 0.90

00:56:55.000 I remember I was watching that, I was at this girl's house.

00:56:58.000 I was like, it was 1986, so I was, wasn't it?

00:57:01.000 86?

00:57:02.000 Yeah, I was in elementary school.

00:57:03.000 So I was like 19 years old, completely lost, had no idea what I was doing with my life.

00:57:07.000 I had a hard time getting laid.

00:57:08.000 Very difficult.

00:57:10.000 So this ex-girlfriend, who lived like an hour and a half away, and I was talking to her on the phone, and we were talking dirty, and she wanted me to drive up to visit her. 1.00

00:57:17.000 And it was such a fucking long drive, and it was the winter, it was snowing out, and I'm an idiot, and I went out there and... 0.98

00:57:22.000 Completely forgot what I was talking about. 0.99

00:57:25.000 How high am I? You're watching Challenger.

00:57:29.000 What?

00:57:30.000 So we're sitting there, and we're sitting there in front of television in the morning, and she goes to the bathroom... 0.98

00:57:36.000 And I turned on the TV, and right when I turned on the TV, it fucking exploded. 0.96

00:57:40.000 It was that second. 0.98

00:57:41.000 Wow.

00:57:41.000 Right when I turned on the TV, they were showing it.

00:57:43.000 And I don't know if it was a replay.

00:57:45.000 I don't think it was.

00:57:46.000 It's hard to remember.

00:57:47.000 But I remember, like, very clearly, that the moment I turned on the TV, the image of the thing exploding was happening right there. 0.97

00:57:54.000 And you were seeing it spiral, and you were like, what the fuck is that? 0.72

00:57:57.000 It was like a weird, like, what is that? 0.97

00:57:59.000 What's going on over there?

00:58:01.000 And then people started talking about it, and then it took like a while before they just flat out admitted, okay, everybody's dead. 1.00

00:58:08.000 That shit just blew up. 0.98

00:58:09.000 I think for a while they were wondering whether or not the people had survived, if the capsule had made it to the ground. 1.00

00:58:15.000 They were looking for parachutes and shit.

00:58:17.000 There was all sorts of different kind of reports. 0.99

00:58:19.000 But I remember thinking, holy shit, those people just got shot through the fucking air and exploded in the sky. 0.99

00:58:26.000 What a crazy way to go! 1.00

00:58:29.000 What a crazy thing to do!

00:58:32.000 You know what's so weird?

00:58:32.000 When I saw it, I saw it with a bunch of people, and we all had to watch TV because we were in middle school, and then it happened and everyone started crying, and I just remember going, oh, what's going on?

00:58:42.000 And the teachers were all freaking because you couldn't just text your mom like, hey mom, did you know what happened?

00:58:46.000 So you had to get these birds and tie messages too.

00:58:49.000 Yeah, you had to grab a runner.

00:58:52.000 A man who's swift of foot, knows the way home.

00:58:55.000 Here's the letter.

00:58:56.000 Quickly run.

00:58:58.000 It's so amazing how back in the day you just had no communication with friends and family.

00:59:04.000 You called people and if you got a hold of them, you got a hold of them.

00:59:07.000 Yeah.

00:59:07.000 And if you didn't, I mean, it must have been so easy to get away with everything back then.

00:59:12.000 Everything. 0.92

00:59:12.000 I was thinking about having sex. 0.92

00:59:14.000 Nobody knew who you were. 0.98

00:59:15.000 When I was a teenager, I would have sex in public places because I wasn't allowed to have sex at home. 0.99

00:59:19.000 So I'd go to, like, behind Little Caesar's Pizza and fuck beside the dumpster. 0.99

00:59:23.000 And one time this guy came out and was, like, shocked. 0.97

00:59:25.000 Like, he worked at a pizza place and goes, Oh, I'm sorry, you want some pizza?

00:59:28.000 Because he thought we were homeless or something.

00:59:30.000 Oh, my God.

00:59:31.000 But I'm thinking nowadays...

00:59:32.000 Are you on the ground?

00:59:33.000 Lying on the ground?

00:59:33.000 Yeah, laying on the ground.

00:59:34.000 It was just like...

00:59:35.000 God.

00:59:36.000 On the ground, on the dirt?

00:59:37.000 Dude, we used to do it in movie theaters.

00:59:39.000 They used to do it in movie theaters all the time.

00:59:41.000 Like, you just get her to, like, climb on top and you go see Fern Golly. 0.59

00:59:44.000 You know, because no one else is there during the day watching Fern Golly, but you're in the back half of Fern Golly having sex. 0.86

00:59:49.000 But nowadays, can you imagine? 0.96

00:59:50.000 I can't do that because it would be filmed on YouTube, on YouPorn. 0.99

00:59:54.000 It's like everyone is filming and shit. 0.99

00:59:57.000 I wonder if kids are having a hard time finding places to have sex without, like, cameras or being caught. 1.00

01:00:02.000 Yeah.

01:00:03.000 It's not like nice to be. 0.95

01:00:05.000 You know what's really fucked up is this whole sexting thing with young kids. 0.66

01:00:09.000 And what's happening, if you don't know, is that these young kids are sending... 1.00

01:00:12.000 You know, you give a 13-year-old a cell phone, they're going to take pictures of their dicks. 0.99

01:00:16.000 They're going to send it to girls. 1.00

01:00:18.000 Girls are going to take pictures of their pussy. 1.00

01:00:19.000 They're going to send it to boys. 1.00

01:00:21.000 High school musical girl. 0.99

01:00:22.000 There's always going to be one freak bitch in the class that's willing to take it to the next level. 1.00

01:00:26.000 There's always one girl... 1.00

01:00:27.000 Whose dad just was not around and she needs male attention and she needs it extremely bad and she's willing to fucking loke out. 1.00

01:00:34.000 We are so lucky because my shit would have been everywhere. 1.00

01:00:37.000 There would be live videos of me just having sex on webcams. 1.00

01:00:41.000 It gets pretty crazy. 0.94

01:00:43.000 It could get pretty crazy. 0.99

01:00:44.000 You know, it's just really wrong that kids, when you're that young, you make all kinds of fucking mistakes. 1.00

01:00:51.000 People, they do all kinds of stupid shit. 1.00

01:00:53.000 You're dumb. 1.00

01:00:53.000 The fact that Kids today, anything you say and do back then, that shit is like a record forever. 1.00

01:01:01.000 Any blog you write, any MySpace pics you post up, that shit's a record of you for the rest of your life. 1.00

01:01:08.000 And for some kids, they fuck up and picture them sucking a dick. 1.00

01:01:14.000 And then some dude who ordinarily would really love this chick but can't get over the fact that there's this picture that every one of his friends has of her sucking her ex-boyfriend's cock and it's online. 1.00

01:01:25.000 And he just freaks out. 1.00

01:01:26.000 He can't fucking deal with it. 1.00

01:01:27.000 And it ruins the relationship because this dude can't deal with the fact that there's a picture online that anybody could see of his wife, you know, the mother of his children supposedly someday, sucking some other guy's dick. 1.00

01:01:39.000 Especially if it's a black guy. 1.00

01:01:42.000 Right? 0.96

01:01:43.000 Then we go back to the Julia Roberts 20. Something about a black eye just hurting, hurting it.

01:01:49.000 You know, black eyes, let's be honest, you know, for the most part, except for, I always say Brock Lesnar, he says that Brock Lesnar is like a white guy with black eyes genetics. 1.00

01:01:59.000 Check this shit out. 0.99

01:02:00.000 This is a great email I got today from my dad. 0.99

01:02:02.000 Listen, man, we're on a very tricky subject.

01:02:04.000 You can't just interrupt me when talking about genetics and black people until I clarify that I'm not a racist.

01:02:09.000 How dare you?

01:02:11.000 It's very important, Brian.

01:02:12.000 It's going to go into another medical thing. 1.00

01:02:14.000 It's a funny thing that you would think that people would think that, like, saying that a black guy having a bigger dick and a black guy being better sexually and, you know, more troublesome to white dudes. 0.99

01:02:23.000 How would that be racist? 0.99

01:02:24.000 Wouldn't that be, like, positive for black guys?

01:02:26.000 Could you imagine if people were saying that about you?

01:02:29.000 Why is he racist, though? 0.64

01:02:32.000 There's a lot of people that if you say that, if you put it that way, like, there's people that think that black guys being over-sexual or black guys being... 0.89

01:02:40.000 More well and down. 1.00

01:02:41.000 God damn it. 0.99

01:02:43.000 Hold on, ladies and gentlemen. 0.99

01:02:44.000 Let me shut this off.

01:02:47.000 Is that your pager making that noise?

01:02:50.000 I don't have the pager anymore, son. 1.00

01:02:53.000 I keep that shit up for length. 1.00

01:02:56.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:02:57.000 What the fuck, cocksucker? 1.00

01:02:59.000 Put away the whip. 1.00

01:03:00.000 The homie's dead. 1.00

01:03:05.000 Anyway, ladies and gentlemen.

01:03:07.000 What were we talking about? 0.99

01:03:08.000 Plot guy's dicks. 0.99

01:03:10.000 If you're not scared, you're not paying attention. 0.99

01:03:12.000 Go online. 1.00

01:03:13.000 There's some incredible fucking porn out there where you can't believe that's really that guy's dick. 1.00

01:03:18.000 There's a lot of them that's fake, though. 1.00

01:03:20.000 Yeah, there's a lot of them that's fake. 1.00

01:03:23.000 There's a lot of them that are real giant dicks. 1.00

01:03:26.000 There's a lot of them, dude. 0.99

01:03:27.000 There's some dudes like...

01:03:28.000 What's that guy's name?

01:03:28.000 Lexington Steel?

01:03:29.000 His dick's like 14 inches long. 1.00

01:03:31.000 And it's like an arm. 1.00

01:03:33.000 It's huge.

01:03:34.000 It's gigantic.

01:03:35.000 That's real.

01:03:36.000 There's no white guys like that online. 1.00

01:03:39.000 Even like John Holmes, you want to go old school, John Holmes had a big dick, but he would club you with it. 1.00

01:03:44.000 He wasn't stabbing you with it. 0.99

01:03:45.000 It was so big it never totally got hard.

01:03:47.000 It was like an elephant's trunk.

01:03:49.000 It never got hard.

01:03:51.000 It was disappointing. 1.00

01:03:52.000 He had these super hot chicks and they were trying to suck his dick, but he was all heroined out with this giant rubber monster dick. 1.00

01:03:57.000 He was trying to snake it into their mouths. 1.00

01:04:00.000 It was never like a black guy's giant dick. 1.00

01:04:03.000 Black guy's giant dick is... 1.00

01:04:04.000 That thing's gonna do something. 1.00

01:04:06.000 Some shit's going down. 0.99

01:04:07.000 Have you been to the Playboy Mansion before? 0.99

01:04:09.000 Yeah, I was there a couple times for the Strikeforce fights.

01:04:12.000 I went there for once.

01:04:13.000 I had to do a Fear Factor broadcast.

01:04:16.000 It was early in the morning.

01:04:17.000 And for a marijuana project.

01:04:19.000 Were you the one that told me that everything's so antique?

01:04:22.000 It's very old, yeah.

01:04:23.000 There's something cool about it.

01:04:24.000 I mean, there's something ridiculous about it that they haven't upgraded it and changed it for the time.

01:04:28.000 But there's something kind of cool about it, too.

01:04:30.000 Because if you really stop and think about it, I mean, this is just a party house, right?

01:04:33.000 Right.

01:04:33.000 Isn't it kind of dope that this is the same phone from 1970?

01:04:37.000 True. 0.99

01:04:37.000 I mean, it's like a rotary phone and shit, man. 0.99

01:04:40.000 Wow. 0.99

01:04:40.000 Or if it's a push-button phone. 0.99

01:04:42.000 I can't remember if it's a rotary or a push-button. 1.00

01:04:44.000 It's some old, wack-ass looking shit. 0.99

01:04:46.000 But that's kind of cool. 0.99

01:04:49.000 Part of it is like, yeah, they should upgrade it.

01:04:52.000 That's not even cool anymore. 1.00

01:04:53.000 That shit's tired. 0.99

01:04:55.000 But there's so much history to it that it's almost like a living museum to Hollywood. 1.00

01:05:01.000 Think about how many people partied in that place.

01:05:04.000 You know, that's like where James Caan was always hanging out.

01:05:07.000 Pauly Shore.

01:05:08.000 Pauly Shore.

01:05:09.000 Have you seen the biodome thing?

01:05:10.000 Fred Durst is always hanging out there.

01:05:12.000 Have you seen the biodome thing that's been abandoned by scientists?

01:05:14.000 Remember that thing, like the movie, the biodome?

01:05:17.000 It was all about the indoor dome.

01:05:18.000 That was with Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin.

01:05:21.000 That's a real dome, though.

01:05:22.000 That's a real biodome.

01:05:23.000 Really?

01:05:23.000 Yeah, and now it's like abandoned.

01:05:25.000 And like they showed it.

01:05:26.000 Oh, so this is like where they were doing experiments, just seeing people could live together.

01:05:29.000 Right, right.

01:05:30.000 And they abandoned it.

01:05:31.000 What happened in those experiments?

01:05:32.000 I don't know.

01:05:34.000 I thought that was a funny movie at the time.

01:05:36.000 I thought Biodone was funny. 0.98

01:05:37.000 It was silly. 0.80

01:05:38.000 It was funny. 0.92

01:05:40.000 Andrew Dice Clay's old movie, Ford Farrell.

01:05:42.000 That was funny too.

01:05:43.000 Where he's jumping off the building and he's like, My hair!

01:05:45.000 My hair!

01:05:46.000 Back when that came out, I was a Dice Clay fan.

01:05:48.000 Not that I'm not anymore, but I am.

01:05:50.000 I am still.

01:05:51.000 I think he's hilarious.

01:05:52.000 He is hilarious.

01:05:52.000 I've got to see him I've got to see Dice the Comedy Store.

01:05:55.000 So many nights go up and he was just crushing people in the audience. 0.97

01:05:59.000 He's a nut. 0.54

01:06:00.000 He's a fun dude.

01:06:01.000 You know, I like his whole thing.

01:06:05.000 I like his whole attitude, his demeanor.

01:06:08.000 I think he's hilarious.

01:06:09.000 But when I was a kid, he was gigantic.

01:06:12.000 There was no comedian the kids were more excited about when I was a kid than Dice Clay. 0.94

01:06:16.000 When Dice Clay blew up and when he started doing Madison Square Garden and shit, that's all anybody talked about, dude. 0.93

01:06:22.000 There was kids all day in school. 1.00

01:06:24.000 Everybody would be like, you know, what's in the bowl, bitch? 1.00

01:06:27.000 You know, people would say it everywhere. 1.00

01:06:29.000 Yeah, I mean, it was something.

01:06:30.000 Everybody was doing dice clay lines.

01:06:33.000 You do a good dice clay.

01:06:35.000 I've been around him so many years, you know, at the comedy store.

01:06:38.000 That was one of the craziest things about being a kid and being a fan of his and then being, you know, then starting to be an amateur comedian and then, you know, doing...

01:06:46.000 Getting paid gigs after a couple of years and then moving to California years and years later is that I would go on and I would have to introduce Dice.

01:06:56.000 The comic store, the way it used to work, it still does, but the way it works is each comic brings up the next comic.

01:07:03.000 I got brought on stage by Martin Lawrence.

01:07:06.000 It was one of the first times somebody famous ever did it. 0.93

01:07:10.000 You know, he brought me on stage and I was like, holy shit, like Martin Lawrence just said my name and brought me on stage. 0.94

01:07:15.000 Like, to me, that was like a crazy deal. 0.99

01:07:17.000 Like, you know, you see that guy on TV and movies and all of a sudden I'm shaking his hand and now I gotta go on stage after him and nobody knows who the fuck I am. 0.88

01:07:24.000 But Dice Clay was the coolest. 0.95

01:07:26.000 That was the craziest one ever.

01:07:28.000 That was like, you know, getting the, who's next?

01:07:31.000 Joe Rogan? 0.99

01:07:32.000 Who the fuck is Joe Rogan? 1.00

01:07:34.000 I don't remember how it said it, but when he brought me on stage, I was like, holy shit. 1.00

01:07:38.000 Dice fucking Clay just brought me on stage. 0.98

01:07:41.000 To me, that was a fun moment. 0.99

01:07:43.000 That was a crazy moment in comedy.

01:07:45.000 When I was a kid, that guy was the most hyped up comic ever.

01:07:51.000 Mark Hayden.

01:07:52.000 Yes, you did open up for me in England.

01:07:57.000 Mark Hayden is going to freak out.

01:08:00.000 He keeps insisting that this Mark Gayden guy is not him, but whoever this Mark Gayden guy is, I think he's representing Mark Hayden very well.

01:08:07.000 So I'm going to keep pretending that he is him.

01:08:10.000 Who is Joe Rogan?

01:08:12.000 You doing stand-up in CO before the versus...

01:08:15.000 Oh, who is Joe Rogan?

01:08:17.000 Hmm.

01:08:17.000 Is that like how these kids are talking these days?

01:08:19.000 Who is Joe Rogan?

01:08:21.000 Is that like a new way of talking to people?

01:08:22.000 That doesn't make any sense?

01:08:24.000 That sounds cool?

01:08:24.000 That does kind of sound cool.

01:08:26.000 You know?

01:08:27.000 What is your name, dude? 0.56

01:08:31.000 Carperversion? 0.92

01:08:32.000 Carperversion? 0.84

01:08:33.000 Who is Carperversion?

01:08:34.000 You know, if that's what you say when you see people.

01:08:36.000 Instead of like, hey, what's up, dude, say, who is Joe Rogan?

01:08:39.000 Am I doing stand-up in Colorado?

01:08:41.000 Yeah, I'll be doing it somewhere.

01:08:42.000 I don't have anything booked.

01:08:43.000 But I will definitely be there the night before whatever the, I think the UFC fights are on a Sunday night, I think.

01:08:51.000 I'm not sure.

01:08:52.000 But whatever night they're on, the night before that, whether it's Saturday or Friday, I'll be doing stand-up. 0.97

01:08:57.000 And I'll put it on Twitter, and I'll let you bitches know. 1.00

01:09:02.000 Have you heard of the cat that has predicted over 50 deaths in a nursing home? 0.97

01:09:05.000 You know what that's like?

01:09:06.000 That's like predicting alcoholics are going to drink. 0.99

01:09:09.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

01:09:10.000 That's a terrible fucking prediction. 1.00

01:09:12.000 No, no, no, no. 1.00

01:09:13.000 Tell that fucking faggot cat to go predict. 1.00

01:09:16.000 I know what he's doing. 1.00

01:09:16.000 He curls up around people when they're going to die. 1.00

01:09:18.000 Yeah, right when they're about to die.

01:09:19.000 It's luck.

01:09:20.000 They're dying.

01:09:20.000 They're dropping like flies.

01:09:21.000 They're a thousand years old.

01:09:23.000 They're a bunch of old people living with other old people that are dying. 1.00

01:09:25.000 It's not a fun environment.

01:09:26.000 It just goes back to the whole weird thing about how animals might have senses that we don't even know about.

01:09:31.000 They might.

01:09:31.000 Kind of cool, like that video of the dog in the earth.

01:09:34.000 It might be, or it might be these people are hanging on by a thread so thin that when a cat hops in their lap, they're like, fuck it, I'm doomed! 1.00

01:09:40.000 And then just kick the bucket that night. 1.00

01:09:42.000 That's possible too, man.

01:09:44.000 You've got to admit, it's all possible.

01:09:45.000 Can you discuss vaporizers?

01:09:47.000 I would recommend vaporizers. 0.99

01:09:50.000 The Volcano is a very good one, but it's sometimes kind of a pain in the ass. 0.99

01:09:55.000 I mean, at the end of the day, you don't want to be that guy that's Sucking out of a plastic bag. 0.99

01:09:59.000 It just seems like a junky move.

01:10:00.000 I'm not a fan.

01:10:01.000 Right?

01:10:01.000 It seems like junky behavior.

01:10:03.000 To be sucking out of a plastic bag, something seems wrong.

01:10:05.000 But there's another vaporizer that I enjoy.

01:10:07.000 It's like a glass pipe, like a glass lip, sort of like a bong with a tube attached to it.

01:10:13.000 And you stick it on this thing and...

01:10:15.000 Yeah, that's a cool one.

01:10:17.000 You know what I like about that one?

01:10:18.000 You don't need five friends around you to get high.

01:10:21.000 When that bag fills up, you don't know when to stop.

01:10:23.000 You keep sucking it in, and then you're too high, and then you're like, I can't even think.

01:10:27.000 That's not good.

01:10:28.000 The other vaporizer, you can take one hit, and bam, and you know it's up.

01:10:31.000 I like that one better.

01:10:33.000 But if you've got a party, if you've got a bunch of people hanging around, and you're all medical patients...

01:10:37.000 Gravity bongs! 0.99

01:10:38.000 No, that's good. 1.00

01:10:39.000 If you've got a bunch of people around, then the volcano's the shit. 1.00

01:10:43.000 Then it's perfect. 1.00

01:10:44.000 Because if we're all being junkies together, man, let's all suck out of this plastic bag. 0.99

01:10:49.000 It's weird. 0.99

01:10:50.000 Well, I'll keep it together.

01:10:51.000 Yeah, there's something weird about sucking out of a plastic bag.

01:10:53.000 To me, I'm just like, you know, I like a joint.

01:10:54.000 Just give me a joint.

01:10:55.000 That's cool.

01:10:56.000 I'm a fan of the joint, too.

01:10:57.000 You know why I like joints?

01:10:59.000 First of all, because you don't have to keep lighting it.

01:11:01.000 I hate the taste of lighter fluid. 1.00

01:11:03.000 That shit's nasty. 1.00

01:11:04.000 If you have a glass pipe and you keep tasting that lighter fluid, that shit ain't good for you. 1.00

01:11:08.000 Especially when somebody has a Zippo. 1.00

01:11:10.000 You're like, oh, really?

01:11:11.000 You got a Zippo? 1.00

01:11:12.000 That shit ain't good for you, man. 1.00

01:11:13.000 I don't like it. 1.00

01:11:13.000 I like joints. 1.00

01:11:14.000 I'm a converted joints man. 1.00

01:11:16.000 I like that shit with a match, if I can. 0.99

01:11:19.000 Or if I'm doing it with a lighter, I get it real quick and I let it sit for a minute and then I... I think there's a residue, man, that gets on the weed with those lighters, and I think that shit's bad for you. 1.00

01:11:29.000 It's probably worse for you than smoking for some people, like for your lungs. 0.99

01:11:32.000 It's got to be very unhealthy, man.

01:11:34.000 It's like a toxic fume you're inhaling, you know?

01:11:36.000 That ain't good, you know? 0.97

01:11:38.000 There's no studies done on how many times you can fucking suck off lighter fluid and breathe it into your lungs and not do permanent damage, you know? 1.00

01:11:47.000 Joints, bitches. 1.00

01:11:49.000 Matches and joints. 1.00

01:11:49.000 Stop fucking around. 1.00

01:11:50.000 Matches and joints. 1.00

01:11:51.000 Or go with the vaporizer.

01:11:53.000 If you don't know what the vaporizer is, the beautiful thing is there's no fire.

01:11:56.000 There's no smoke.

01:11:57.000 It's like a mist.

01:11:58.000 And what it is is you pack the product, the marabona, and put it into this little filtered area.

01:12:04.000 And then you connect that to this machine.

01:12:06.000 And then it heats up.

01:12:08.000 And then you inhale.

01:12:09.000 And it's literally like mist.

01:12:10.000 And that mist is just the pure THC. It's a very heady experience.

01:12:16.000 You'll come up with some of your craziest thoughts on vaporized weed.

01:12:22.000 Except the only thing crazier is eating it.

01:12:24.000 When you eat it, that's the craziest.

01:12:25.000 I don't like that anymore.

01:12:28.000 Eating it gets scary.

01:12:29.000 We've talked about that.

01:12:30.000 Ever heard of nutmeg?

01:12:31.000 Yeah, man.

01:12:32.000 Your mama.

01:12:33.000 Oh, one, oh, eight, nine, three?

01:12:36.000 Yeah.

01:12:37.000 Yeah, I heard you can get high off nutmeg somehow or another.

01:12:39.000 One of the guys on our message board, HR, I think he did it.

01:12:43.000 He tried it and documented it.

01:12:44.000 He said it was really trippy and it lasted a long time and it's kind of gross.

01:12:49.000 I think anything that's really good, people would be doing it left and right. 0.99

01:12:52.000 And I think there's plenty of shit to get high on. 0.99

01:12:54.000 Right. 0.99

01:12:55.000 But the one thing that I think is interesting, they came up with a new marijuana.

01:12:58.000 It's a synthetic marijuana and it gives you the same effects as regular marijuana, but you don't test positive.

01:13:03.000 Really?

01:13:04.000 Yeah, and they're scrambling right now to make it illegal, and they call it K2. It's called K2, named after that mountain.

01:13:09.000 And it's a synthetic version of marijuana. 1.00

01:13:11.000 So if you're a cop, if you have a government job, and you have to piss test all the time, you could smoke this shit. 0.99

01:13:17.000 Dude, I used to, in Ohio, had to piss test all the time. 1.00

01:13:19.000 I'd go to the store and buy this shit. 1.00

01:13:21.000 It was scary. 1.00

01:13:22.000 Let me ask you this, man.

01:13:23.000 Why would we be keeping cops from smoking weed? 0.94

01:13:26.000 If anybody should be smoking weed, it's cops.

01:13:29.000 If anybody.

01:13:30.000 What?

01:13:31.000 Cops should be smoking weed. 1.00

01:13:32.000 Cops should be smoking weed? 1.00

01:13:33.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

01:13:34.000 Calm down, everybody. 1.00

01:13:36.000 Calm the fuck down. 1.00

01:13:37.000 These are like intense people on weed. 1.00

01:13:39.000 To be a cop, you kind of have to be like a bully, like I'm a soldier.

01:13:43.000 No, not always.

01:13:44.000 I know a lot of guys who became cops and a lot of them became cops because it's good money and they're tough guys.

01:13:51.000 They do martial arts and they figure, you know what?

01:13:53.000 I can handle most situations.

01:13:55.000 I'm pretty friendly.

01:13:56.000 I can handle this.

01:13:56.000 This is good money.

01:13:57.000 It's a good career.

01:13:58.000 I could set myself up.

01:13:59.000 Have a nice pension.

01:14:00.000 You gotta look at it realistically.

01:14:03.000 It's an economic choice for a lot of people.

01:14:05.000 I have a lot of buddies that became cops.

01:14:07.000 It's an economic choice.

01:14:08.000 It's a great job, man. 0.99

01:14:10.000 If you can get in the Boston Police Department, that's good fucking money. 0.97

01:14:13.000 You can make a nice living. 0.99

01:14:14.000 You can get some detail work on the side on weekends and shit like that. 0.95

01:14:19.000 You pick up big money guarding places and shit like that. 0.80

01:14:22.000 It's a good job, man. 0.98

01:14:25.000 It's not all douchebags. 0.91

01:14:27.000 But there's a lot of douchebags that work for better cops that if they were stoned would be horrible. 1.00

01:14:32.000 Maybe not, man. 0.96

01:14:33.000 Maybe they'd be more sensitive.

01:14:34.000 Weed's not for everyone, that's for sure.

01:14:35.000 It's not.

01:14:36.000 It's not for everyone.

01:14:37.000 Well, they don't have to do it.

01:14:38.000 But I think, you know, if they wanted to, if they wanted to mellow out over the weekend, like Serpico.

01:14:42.000 Remember when Serpico got high back in the 70s?

01:14:44.000 Serpico didn't have, they didn't have a drug test for Serpico.

01:14:47.000 Al Pacino, when he was a cop, he was sitting smoking weed with his girl, hanging out, just like that movie Superfly.

01:14:54.000 Don't you remember?

01:14:54.000 Yeah.

01:14:55.000 I've never seen Superfly.

01:14:56.000 You've never seen Superfly?

01:14:57.000 Ladies and gentlemen, if you only watch one blaxploitation movie from the 70s, it should be Superfly.

01:15:04.000 It's one of the most... 0.97

01:15:05.000 Goddamn brilliant films to have ever been created. 0.99

01:15:08.000 And when you're high, it becomes a motherfucking masterpiece because it's real. 0.99

01:15:13.000 I mean, this is a real movie where they're playing off real cool cats. 0.97

01:15:17.000 And one time this guy says, you know, he's thinking about getting out of the game.

01:15:21.000 I got everything I ever wanted.

01:15:24.000 My hall, my vines, a white woman like you. 1.00

01:15:28.000 My hall, my vines, my car, my vines, my clothes, and a white woman like you? 1.00

01:15:36.000 Wow.

01:15:38.000 It's genius, dude.

01:15:39.000 It's hilarious.

01:15:40.000 It's such a bad movie. 0.98

01:15:42.000 It's so fucking good. 1.00

01:15:44.000 It's so bad and so real. 0.97

01:15:46.000 You can take a parody like Airplane and they'll be funny, but they'll never be as funny as something that's supposed to be good but isn't and is funny on accident.

01:15:56.000 There's something about those that's like a different kind of funny.

01:15:59.000 You know what I mean? 0.96

01:16:00.000 Like a holy shit funny. 0.99

01:16:01.000 Like, what the fuck were they thinking funny? 0.99

01:16:03.000 You know? 0.99

01:16:04.000 And Superfly is one of the best at that.

01:16:06.000 Like, sort of like Showgirls is. 0.99

01:16:08.000 You know, Showgirls, you see Showgirls and it's like, what the fuck are they doing? 0.99

01:16:12.000 This movie's crazy. 1.00

01:16:14.000 You know?

01:16:15.000 It's one of them.

01:16:16.000 What other movies are like that?

01:16:19.000 Well, I just can't believe some of the movies from the 80s, I just can't believe people actually bought, like, you know, like the Howard the Duck movie.

01:16:25.000 I'm like, are you serious?

01:16:26.000 It's a cartoon or a comic book, though.

01:16:28.000 It's Marvel Comics.

01:16:29.000 Yeah, I know, but I can't believe it.

01:16:30.000 Yeah, but he was cool in the 70s, man, and cool in the 80s, too.

01:16:33.000 When I was a kid, I was a Howard Duck fan.

01:16:35.000 I would buy Howard the Duck comic books.

01:16:37.000 Really?

01:16:37.000 Yeah.

01:16:37.000 That's weird.

01:16:38.000 I was a Marvel Comics fan, and Howard the Duck was a big part of Marvel Comics.

01:16:41.000 He would drift in and out of all sorts of comic books.

01:16:43.000 Wow. 0.99

01:16:44.000 They did a lot of cool shit with Howard the Duck. 0.99

01:16:46.000 I saw that movie in the theater, and it was great, because I was a kid, and I remember he pulled out condoms, and she's like, oh, Ducky! 0.99

01:16:52.000 And I'm like, yeah, condoms!

01:16:54.000 Dude, Howard the Duck was cool when I was a kid, because he was a duck, but he was like an adult. 0.90

01:16:59.000 He was like a creepy duck.

01:17:01.000 He was trying to get laid. 0.92

01:17:02.000 I never read it.

01:17:03.000 Dude, Howard the Duck was dope.

01:17:05.000 I was a huge Marvel Comics fan.

01:17:07.000 Me too.

01:17:07.000 I was Spider-Man mostly.

01:17:09.000 I loved the X-Men.

01:17:10.000 I loved Spider-Man.

01:17:12.000 The Hulk.

01:17:13.000 I was a big The Hulk fan.

01:17:13.000 I was a big Conan the Barbarian fan.

01:17:15.000 God damn, I loved Conan. 0.98

01:17:17.000 I wish someone would have done, someone would do a real Conan. 0.99

01:17:21.000 Like, almost in the style of Gladiator.

01:17:23.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:17:24.000 Like a real high-end.

01:17:25.000 Not a cheeseball one.

01:17:27.000 I think they're doing another one, but it seems, I don't know.

01:17:29.000 It's got the rock in it.

01:17:31.000 I hate to be prejudiced.

01:17:32.000 Oh, you mean the Tooth Fairy guy?

01:17:34.000 Listen, he's Conan now.

01:17:36.000 And there's an image of him as Conan.

01:17:38.000 I mean, he certainly looks the part.

01:17:40.000 And who knows?

01:17:41.000 Maybe he could pull it off.

01:17:42.000 But there's a certain amount of movies when you do a certain amount of kids' movies. 0.77

01:17:46.000 You know, after a while, I just go, it's hard for me to watch you in something where you're crazy, you know?

01:17:52.000 He's making crazy money in it.

01:17:54.000 I just don't want it to be fake aggression.

01:17:57.000 Conan the Barbarian, if you ever read the books, man.

01:17:59.000 That would be an awesome movie to read.

01:18:00.000 I was a big fan of the books.

01:18:01.000 This guy, Robert E. Howard, wrote them.

01:18:03.000 And he was this mad genius who was super depressed. 0.99

01:18:06.000 Wrote all these books, and I think he was only like 36 when he blew his fucking brains out. 0.99

01:18:10.000 Just couldn't take it anymore. 1.00

01:18:11.000 Just lived a terrible life.

01:18:13.000 Lived with his mother. 1.00

01:18:14.000 He was super depressed, apparently, and just wrote these incredible fantasy books about far-off lands and a fucking conqueror who could not be beat and would destroy and cut men down and fight monsters and shit and all fucking all these chicks and drinking wine. 0.99

01:18:30.000 He was just a human but yet hyper-human character that represented all of this guy's frustrations. 1.00

01:18:39.000 Fucking genius shit, man. 1.00

01:18:41.000 Especially if you think about the fact that the guy was writing it in the 50s. 1.00

01:18:44.000 By the time they made it a movie, Arnold Schwarzenegger was like, damn dude, why are you so monster? 0.98

01:18:50.000 Why are you big? 1.00

01:18:50.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00

01:18:51.000 What's the reason for that? 0.97

01:18:53.000 That's not Conan.

01:18:55.000 Conan is more like a George St. Pierre type build. 0.96

01:18:59.000 That sounded gay.

01:19:02.000 More like James Irvin's build. 0.96

01:19:05.000 That would be a good Conan.

01:19:07.000 Like, thick, but looks like an athlete, you know?

01:19:10.000 Like a Herschel Walker.

01:19:11.000 Like Herschel Walker.

01:19:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:19:13.000 How about that motherfucker? 1.00

01:19:14.000 47 years old, dude. 1.00

01:19:16.000 Has his first MMA fight. 1.00

01:19:18.000 Beats a shit-ass on young boy. 1.00

01:19:20.000 Herschel Walker's 40-fucking-7, dude, and he looks like a Goliath. 1.00

01:19:24.000 He's still just swole as fuck and chiseled and just cutting dudes down. 1.00

01:19:29.000 That guy's a super athlete. 0.99

01:19:31.000 They should be saving his DNA. I don't know how many kids that guy's got.

01:19:34.000 How many kids does he have?

01:19:35.000 I have no idea.

01:19:35.000 Does he have kids?

01:19:36.000 I have no idea.

01:19:36.000 If he doesn't have kids, they need to get the guy to shoot some loads into some cups.

01:19:40.000 For sure, right?

01:19:41.000 Don't you think?

01:19:42.000 Get him.

01:19:43.000 You imagine if you got Herschel Walker and one of the Williams sisters?

01:19:47.000 Ha ha ha.

01:19:49.000 And they fell in love.

01:19:51.000 I mean, I don't know.

01:19:51.000 No disrespect to Herschel.

01:19:52.000 I believe he's married.

01:19:53.000 And I don't know if the Williams sisters are married. 0.97

01:19:55.000 So let's just hypothetically make them...

01:19:58.000 This is not in the real world.

01:19:59.000 This is the fake world.

01:19:59.000 Nobody get upset.

01:20:00.000 But I'm saying, you know, you get two super athletes like that and put their genetics together, it would be incredible.

01:20:07.000 Incredible.

01:20:09.000 You know who Lucia Riker is?

01:20:11.000 Lucia Riker is a female boxer. 1.00

01:20:13.000 This chick could punch harder than men. 1.00

01:20:15.000 She was incredible.

01:20:17.000 She was so good. 0.95

01:20:18.000 All the other female boxers avoided the fuck out of her. 1.00

01:20:20.000 This was back in the Tonya Harding days. 0.90

01:20:22.000 This chick was like leaps and bounds above other female boxers. 1.00

01:20:26.000 She was just a freak athlete. 0.98

01:20:28.000 I don't remember what nationality she was.

01:20:30.000 I feel like I want to say something Latin American.

01:20:33.000 But she was from Holland.

01:20:35.000 I don't remember her nationality.

01:20:37.000 I'm totally guessing.

01:20:38.000 She was a dark-skinned chick. 1.00

01:20:39.000 But goddamn, she was just this fucking freak athlete. 1.00

01:20:42.000 Just beat the fuck out of chicks. 1.00

01:20:44.000 She even fought dudes. 1.00

01:20:45.000 She got flatlined, though.

01:20:46.000 She fought a dude, and the dude connected on her jaw. 1.00

01:20:48.000 She went nighty-night.

01:20:49.000 It was weird to see, man.

01:20:50.000 Yeah.

01:20:51.000 Because she was attacking.

01:20:52.000 She was trying to cut this dude down. 1.00

01:20:54.000 And the dude just bang!

01:20:56.000 And she just flatlined, stiffened up, and face-planted. 0.99

01:21:00.000 Yeah, but it looked like before the flatline, she was getting the best of the dude.

01:21:04.000 The dude just hit too hard.

01:21:06.000 There's a thing about bone structure, I think.

01:21:09.000 One of the things, if you meet a guy that's a big puncher, like I met Michael Moore once.

01:21:14.000 Michael Moore was the boxing heavyweight champion of the world.

01:21:18.000 And he was the light heavyweight champion at one time, too, for a long time.

01:21:21.000 He was badass as a light heavyweight.

01:21:24.000 I just couldn't keep cutting the weight.

01:21:25.000 He was too big.

01:21:26.000 But he was one of the best light heavyweights ever.

01:21:27.000 But he's got a frame.

01:21:30.000 You meet that dude.

01:21:31.000 His frame is heavy.

01:21:33.000 His fists are heavy.

01:21:34.000 His shoulders are heavy.

01:21:35.000 That's the type of dude, when he hits you, it's just...

01:21:37.000 Boom! 0.99

01:21:38.000 There's so much to him.

01:21:40.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:21:41.000 And a chick, even if a chick is really talented, ultimately, they're not built the same way. 1.00

01:21:47.000 So it just makes you think, a chick like that, like a Lucia Riker... 1.00

01:21:52.000 You know?

01:21:52.000 Matching her up with like an Anderson Silva, some other freak athlete, you know?

01:21:56.000 Ooh! 0.99

01:21:58.000 Goddamn! 1.00

01:21:59.000 I sound like some sort of a genetic engineer. 0.99

01:22:01.000 I'm trying to make future warriors.

01:22:04.000 It's gonna happen.

01:22:05.000 It is gonna happen.

01:22:06.000 Well, you know what's gonna happen?

01:22:07.000 It's gonna happen in a laboratory before it's gonna happen with two people having sex. 0.55

01:22:11.000 It's not going to happen the old-fashioned way where the gladiator meets the warrior princess.

01:22:14.000 It's not going to happen like that.

01:22:15.000 The way it's going to happen now is someone's going to take the attributes. 0.97

01:22:19.000 You're going to get some fat, dumpy dude who's got a little dick, but he's got a lot of money because he's crazy, and he's invested all of his time to learning the stock market and swindling people, and he's going to have children that are psychotic, warrior, genius offspring because he's going to manipulate all his shitty genes, and it's going to create some super offspring. 1.00

01:22:40.000 And why he's a fucking young wife and killing him. 1.00

01:22:42.000 Brock Lesnar is Conan. 1.00

01:22:44.000 Yeah, Brock Lesnar is Conan.

01:22:46.000 That would be a real Conan.

01:22:47.000 Yeah, that's a real Conan.

01:22:48.000 That's exactly what I'm talking about.

01:22:50.000 Like, Brock Lesnar is like...

01:22:51.000 Did somebody put that up there?

01:22:52.000 Yeah.

01:22:53.000 Whoever put that up there, we lost it already.

01:22:55.000 Money Japan.

01:22:55.000 Yeah.

01:22:56.000 Yeah, Money Japan.

01:22:57.000 You're correct, sir.

01:22:58.000 That's the perfect build.

01:22:59.000 That's what you're talking about. 1.00

01:23:00.000 Just a big, giant motherfucker. 1.00

01:23:02.000 Doesn't look like a bodybuilder. 1.00

01:23:03.000 Looks like a dude who'll smash you.

01:23:05.000 The best fighters, I don't want to say all of them, but most of them don't look that ripped.

01:23:12.000 Except George St. Pierre. 0.98

01:23:14.000 He's fucking chiseled. 0.99

01:23:15.000 But BJ, when he's in his best shape, he still has a good layer of fat on him. 0.99

01:23:20.000 And BJ, I think, also has thick skin, too.

01:23:22.000 I think that's one of the reasons why B.J. doesn't cut that easy.

01:23:26.000 Nobody's got a tougher face than B.J. B.J. will fight a five-round fucking war and come out of it with a couple little scratches.

01:23:32.000 It's crazy. 0.99

01:23:34.000 It ain't just that he's fucking awesome, which it is. 0.94

01:23:37.000 I mean, he is, but there's something about that dude's genetics. 0.87

01:23:42.000 Everybody's got different genetics, man.

01:23:43.000 That's one of the most amazing things about life is the variation amongst human beings.

01:23:49.000 We vary so much more than any other animal.

01:23:53.000 The only animal that comes close is dogs.

01:23:56.000 And dogs supposedly are like that because we engineered them. 0.99

01:23:59.000 Which makes you wonder what the fuck made so many people so different. 0.97

01:24:03.000 Because we vary so much. 0.99

01:24:06.000 The fact that a Chinese midget could have sex with Shaquille O'Neal and make another baby And that baby would look like a combination of those two. 1.00

01:24:16.000 And there's that much variation between, like, pygmies and women from Iceland, you know? 0.96

01:24:22.000 You know, like, Sylvester Stallone's ex-wife, Brigitte Nielsen, that big giant Icelandic, Nordic-looking chick, you know? 1.00

01:24:31.000 That, her and Flava Flav, they can have babies, you know?

01:24:34.000 I mean, they're so different.

01:24:35.000 There's so much diversity.

01:24:37.000 There's no other animal like that except dogs, you know?

01:24:40.000 Rhinos? 0.51

01:24:40.000 They look like rhinos, you know what I'm saying? 0.51

01:24:43.000 Some fish look different.

01:24:44.000 You get a smallmouth bass.

01:24:46.000 Fucks a largemouth bass. 0.99

01:24:47.000 They get crazy. 1.00

01:24:48.000 They get freaky with it.

01:24:49.000 And you get a hybrid.

01:24:50.000 That's possible.

01:24:51.000 Tigers and lions make ligers.

01:24:54.000 But for the most part, man, human beings, we're the most diverse. 0.99

01:24:57.000 We're a weird fucking species. 0.96

01:25:02.000 It's kind of incredible, too, when you think about the fact there's so many of us. 0.99

01:25:06.000 There's so many humans. 0.98

01:25:07.000 You would think by now we'd all be a big fucking blurry mess. 0.96

01:25:10.000 It's crazy when you see countries like Asian countries where almost everyone has a very similar appearance. 0.99

01:25:17.000 You know, almost everyone has dark hair.

01:25:19.000 Almost everyone is, you know, within a certain height.

01:25:22.000 It's changing now.

01:25:23.000 Like in Japan, they're making big giant dudes now.

01:25:25.000 You know, big giant athletic dudes.

01:25:27.000 A lot of them are changing their diet, too.

01:25:29.000 I think it has something to do with that. 1.00

01:25:30.000 Look at you, you motherfucker. 1.00

01:25:31.000 What kind of show are you running here, man? 1.00

01:25:33.000 The phone ringing?

01:25:34.000 How dare you?

01:25:35.000 How dare you?

01:25:38.000 What is this guy saying? 1.00

01:25:39.000 Fish, I fuck, talk, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

01:25:42.000 What does that mean, sir? 1.00

01:25:44.000 I shouldn't encourage that guy. 0.97

01:25:45.000 He's talking nonsense.

01:25:46.000 Why are you encouraging him?

01:25:47.000 Joe, talk about Nibiru.

01:25:51.000 Listen, folks.

01:25:53.000 I'm going to tell you right now.

01:25:54.000 Nibiru is not going to save you.

01:25:56.000 Okay?

01:25:56.000 It's not happening.

01:25:58.000 It's a myth.

01:25:59.000 Not Nibiru is a myth.

01:26:00.000 I don't know if Nibiru is the truth.

01:26:02.000 But there's something that we have in our head about someone coming down and fixing everything.

01:26:07.000 And... 0.99

01:26:08.000 I don't think that shit's happening. 0.99

01:26:10.000 I think we're looking for Daddy to come down and throw down the rescue boat and pull us out of this mess. 0.99

01:26:16.000 And I think that's why people look at it.

01:26:18.000 If you don't know what Nibiru is, there's people that believe that there's a planet that's in an elliptical orbit.

01:26:24.000 And every 3,600 years, it travels between Mars and Jupiter.

01:26:28.000 It travels very close to Earth.

01:26:30.000 Or between us and Mars, rather.

01:26:31.000 And this gigantic, huge planet is responsible for many, many catastrophic events in Earth's history.

01:26:38.000 And it's also responsible for these beings called the Anunnaki to come from this planet and go on Earth and create human beings with genetic engineering. 1.00

01:26:49.000 I mean, it's some fascinating shit. 0.81

01:26:51.000 It's all from the Sumerian text, and the Sumerian text is the oldest known written language. 0.97

01:26:57.000 It's called cuneiform, and they write it in these little weird strokes.

01:27:03.000 They're one of the oldest civilizations that we know of.

01:27:06.000 They had the first astronomy, the first astrology, including, they had detailed depictions of the solar system, with planets in all the right orbits.

01:27:16.000 They had Mars, and they had Pluto.

01:27:18.000 They even had Pluto.

01:27:19.000 We didn't know about Pluto until 1970, and they had a drawing of Pluto that was carved in a stone, or that was rolled onto a tablet.

01:27:27.000 6,000 years ago?

01:27:29.000 5,000 years ago?

01:27:30.000 I mean, it's really, really crazy stuff.

01:27:32.000 And when this guy, Zachariah Sitchin, and this is where it gets controversial, because some guys who are scholars, who are language scientists, and guys who are archaeologists breaking down ancient languages and trying to figure out the roots of the word, where they don't necessarily believe that Sitchin's right, and they think that maybe he's leapt to some conclusions in his depictions.

01:27:55.000 I don't know.

01:27:56.000 I have no knowledge when it comes to foreign languages, so I don't understand the argument.

01:28:01.000 So I see it back and forth.

01:28:03.000 It's fascinating to me.

01:28:05.000 It's interesting.

01:28:05.000 You can't prove it.

01:28:06.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99

01:28:07.000 But what is interesting is that culture, the Sumerian culture, is crazy. 0.99

01:28:11.000 They had the first everything, the first mathematics.

01:28:13.000 They had the first use of the wheel. 1.00

01:28:16.000 What the fuck, bro? 1.00

01:28:17.000 Shut your shit off, man. 1.00

01:28:18.000 I thought I did. 1.00

01:28:19.000 How dare you?

01:28:20.000 Anyway. 1.00

01:28:21.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.98

01:28:23.000 What's more fascinating than this idea of a planet, because there's not enough evidence that there's another planet. 0.98

01:28:29.000 But there is enough evidence that these people back then, 6,000 years ago, had some amazing view of the world.

01:28:36.000 They had some amazing technology.

01:28:39.000 They knew about the DNA, the double helix of the DNA. That was their sign for medicine, their sign for pharmacy.

01:28:45.000 They drew a caduceus, which they still use today as a sign of medicine. 1.00

01:28:50.000 That's crazy shit, man. 0.99

01:28:51.000 They had all these depictions of... 1.00

01:28:54.000 There was like large people...

01:28:56.000 With small people in their laps and the small people had tails.

01:29:00.000 And the people that look at these go, look, this is genetic engineering.

01:29:03.000 The giants, they made the monkey too.

01:29:06.000 The DNA of the alien, they created this hybrid. 0.77

01:29:10.000 Maybe. 0.99

01:29:11.000 Maybe they just draw on a fucking big guy with a monkey in his lap and make the monkey look like Curious George and look like a person. 1.00

01:29:16.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

01:29:18.000 How can you tell me that's exactly what that is? 1.00

01:29:20.000 I mean, it could be like their cartoon.

01:29:21.000 This is their little character. 1.00

01:29:23.000 This is the crazy monkey that looks like a human and wants to ask stupid questions. 1.00

01:29:27.000 Sit in my lap. 1.00

01:29:29.000 That could be it, right?

01:29:30.000 I forgot what you were... 1.00

01:29:31.000 Nibiru, bitch! 1.00

01:29:33.000 You don't even pay attention to me anymore. 1.00

01:29:35.000 This relationship is going down a crapper.

01:29:37.000 You go so deep into stuff that like halfway through I'm like, alright, my brain can't even catch up anymore.

01:29:42.000 Well, to be honest with you, half the time I don't know what I started talking about by the time I got to the end.

01:29:47.000 What I found is that I'm a conduit, ladies and gentlemen.

01:29:50.000 These thoughts come to me and I just have to let it go. 0.91

01:29:53.000 That sort of sounds faggy. 0.99

01:29:55.000 It sounds completely faggy, but that really is the truth. 1.00

01:29:58.000 The better I get at comedy, the more I feel like I'm not really responsible for what I'm doing.

01:30:02.000 It's like I gotta just do the work.

01:30:05.000 I gotta write and I gotta perform enough.

01:30:07.000 But when I get it, when I nail it, whatever it is, when I tune back into the frequency, whenever it is, I just ride it.

01:30:13.000 It's almost like the easiest thing in the world.

01:30:15.000 It's like it's difficult to maintain.

01:30:17.000 You've got to maintain your enthusiasm and maintain your writing and maintain your performing. 0.98

01:30:22.000 But when you're in that groove, when you lock in and it's the fucking show, it's fun! 0.99

01:30:26.000 BAM! When that's going on, that's just a ride. 0.99

01:30:30.000 You're just riding a ride.

01:30:31.000 You're not doing anything.

01:30:32.000 I don't feel like...

01:30:33.000 It's like if I dig a hole in the dirt in the backyard, I feel like I just did something. 0.99

01:30:37.000 You know, I started that fucking hole. 1.00

01:30:38.000 It sucked every dig. 1.00

01:30:39.000 But I got to the end. 0.88

01:30:41.000 I got this feeling of satisfaction.

01:30:43.000 When I go off stage, I never have a feeling of satisfaction.

01:30:46.000 I always have a feeling of, ooh, that was crazy.

01:30:48.000 Really?

01:30:49.000 Yeah, it's like I rode something.

01:30:50.000 Like I just got off a crazy ride.

01:30:54.000 I'll be like, wow, that was fun.

01:30:56.000 Or that was a cool set.

01:30:57.000 That was a great audience.

01:30:58.000 But I never feel like I just did anything.

01:31:00.000 I always feel like I just rode a crazy ride.

01:31:04.000 That's what it feels like.

01:31:05.000 It's like you have to do it enough so that you're comfortable enough so that when you get up, It's all smooth.

01:31:13.000 It's all fun.

01:31:14.000 You know what you're talking about.

01:31:15.000 You know what you want to say.

01:31:16.000 And you're working on what you want to say all the time so that it's always fresh.

01:31:20.000 So it's always relevant in your mind.

01:31:22.000 So the enthusiasm is there.

01:31:23.000 And if the enthusiasm is there, and then the audience is enthusiastic, and then you lock those things together, and then you just ride it.

01:31:31.000 And once you get the laughs start going, you just start riding it.

01:31:33.000 It's so much fun.

01:31:35.000 It's like you're skiing downhill.

01:31:37.000 I think you're going to get a segway.

01:31:39.000 Yeah, but where am I gonna go with it?

01:31:41.000 Dude, you live in mountains.

01:31:42.000 You can be like all up in the mountains chasing coyotes with your segway. 0.89

01:31:46.000 I wanna be able to jump off right and quick.

01:31:48.000 You gotta get a segway.

01:31:49.000 I had a crazy jaguar dream last night, man.

01:31:51.000 Really?

01:31:51.000 I had a dream that jaguars, big ones, were trying to break into my house.

01:31:55.000 I'm having very strange apocalyptic dreams lately.

01:31:58.000 Really?

01:31:59.000 No, not serious ones because I survived the apocalypse.

01:32:03.000 The real apocalyptic dream is everything ends.

01:32:06.000 I haven't been having dreams pretty much at all lately.

01:32:09.000 Or ones that I remember for some reason.

01:32:11.000 Yeah, I get every now and then I get these, the system fails dreams, you know?

01:32:15.000 Right. 0.99

01:32:16.000 Every now and then, like some Mad Max type shit. 1.00

01:32:19.000 Maybe it's just because all these assholes are screaming, the sky is falling. 0.99

01:32:23.000 One of the things that was really interesting, I was listening to some recordings of Hunter S. Thompson speaking at the University of Colorado, and it was like 1974. And he was talking about the CFR, which is supposedly the group of people that control the world, the global bankers, the Bilderberg Group, that type of shit. 0.99

01:32:42.000 And he was talking about what's going on overseas and what the United States is up to and how corrupt the political system is and how it's probably, if it goes this way much longer, the country's going to fall apart. 0.99

01:32:55.000 But then you look at it like 30 years later, it's still the same shit. 1.00

01:33:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:33:00.000 It's still the same shit. 1.00

01:33:01.000 Right. 1.00

01:33:01.000 It's like, is it getting any worse? 1.00

01:33:03.000 Well, there's more people, so it seems to accelerate a little bit because there's more activity.

01:33:07.000 There's more humans.

01:33:08.000 But it all seems to be going along the same lines. 1.00

01:33:11.000 You know, the sky is falling, crazy shit. 1.00

01:33:14.000 Like, really? 1.00

01:33:15.000 I mean, it would take something big, man.

01:33:17.000 And if it takes something big, you're probably going to be dead anyway.

01:33:19.000 If the sky is really going to be falling, it takes like a meteor.

01:33:21.000 We need like a volcano, like a Yellowstone.

01:33:24.000 Which, by the way, ready for this?

01:33:26.000 This is January 17th.

01:33:27.000 There's been over 1,600 earthquakes in Yellowstone.

01:33:31.000 Wow. 1.00

01:33:32.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:33:33.000 It's coming. 1.00

01:33:34.000 If you don't know, Yellowstone is a giant volcano.

01:33:37.000 See, nobody ever taught me this in school.

01:33:39.000 Did they ever teach you this in school?

01:33:40.000 Do you remember this?

01:33:41.000 Yeah.

01:33:42.000 Do you?

01:33:42.000 Yeah.

01:33:43.000 The caldera?

01:33:44.000 Well, the whole volcano thing.

01:33:46.000 That it's going to blow?

01:33:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:33:47.000 I think it's weird when you live there, too.

01:33:49.000 A lot of people can't live there because they're in constant fear of it, too.

01:33:52.000 How could you not?

01:33:53.000 I forget who it was.

01:33:54.000 I think it was Adam Carolla or somebody was talking about...

01:33:58.000 When I was in high school, I don't...

01:33:59.000 Well, I'm older than you.

01:34:01.000 How old are you?

01:34:03.000 Shh! 0.97

01:34:03.000 Don't tell these people. 0.97

01:34:05.000 They're cruel.

01:34:06.000 So I'm seven years older than you.

01:34:07.000 So you have to think about it.

01:34:09.000 Like, if we were in high school, like I was in high school earlier than you, they probably didn't even know yet.

01:34:14.000 Because one of the things they found out about with these Yellowstone...

01:34:18.000 They had satellite images.

01:34:20.000 And when they took the satellite images, that's when they realized that what they were dealing with was a caldera, which was a volcano that was so explosive that the top literally disappeared. 0.93

01:34:29.000 Like, be like Hawaii, but Hawaii fucking explodes.

01:34:32.000 And it's just flat. 0.98

01:34:34.000 I mean, that's how big this volcano is.

01:34:36.000 It's 300 miles across.

01:34:39.000 That's insane!

01:34:40.000 And when it blows up, you imagine 300 miles of explosion straight up into the air.

01:34:47.000 Lava, everything.

01:34:48.000 Would it be okay here? 1.00

01:34:49.000 No, we'd be fucked. 1.00

01:34:50.000 The whole continent would be fucked. 1.00

01:34:52.000 We'd be fucked. 1.00

01:34:53.000 But we would have like a good one hour slow lava? 1.00

01:34:57.000 No, it wouldn't be lava. 0.99

01:34:58.000 You'd be fucked because the ash would rain and fuck everything up. 1.00

01:35:01.000 It would kill animals. 1.00

01:35:02.000 It would pollute the water supply. 1.00

01:35:05.000 It would fuck everything up, man. 0.97

01:35:07.000 You think about how much... 0.60

01:35:08.000 It's like...

01:35:09.000 Heavy, soot is like snow, except it's much heavier, so roofs would collapse, so you would get 2-3 feet of soot that would come down, and even if you stayed inside your house and relaxed, your house would very likely get crushed from this fucking soot, because this soot would be thousands and thousands of pounds on your roof. 0.98

01:35:30.000 So it's going to cave your fucking house in. 0.98

01:35:32.000 You can't breathe outside. 1.00

01:35:33.000 The sky is filled with soot.

01:35:36.000 You don't understand.

01:35:37.000 Everywhere. 1.00

01:35:37.000 And it's heavy, thick shit. 1.00

01:35:39.000 Volcanic ash. 0.99

01:35:41.000 Soot. 1.00

01:35:42.000 You're fucked. 1.00

01:35:43.000 You're fucked. 1.00

01:35:44.000 And it covers the continent. 1.00

01:35:46.000 It comes over us like a cloud spreading out from there.

01:35:48.000 After the volcano, how long do you have any idea?

01:35:51.000 They don't have any idea.

01:35:52.000 Well, they know that there's been smaller ones where it's just killed a lot of things, and then there's been these gigantic earth-shattering ones every six to eight hundred thousand years.

01:36:01.000 And the last time there was one was six hundred thousand years ago.

01:36:04.000 What if it was something like it wouldn't hit you for like a week? 0.99

01:36:08.000 Goddamn! 1.00

01:36:10.000 What the fuck would you do? 1.00

01:36:12.000 You would have to leave the continent. 1.00

01:36:14.000 I think you could be okay if you could get off in North America.

01:36:17.000 If you could go to Europe.

01:36:18.000 Even Florida or something. 0.99

01:36:19.000 If you knew that shit was going down and you could get on a plane and fly to England, just take your family and fly to England. 1.00

01:36:25.000 That'd be a crazy movie. 1.00

01:36:26.000 Like, evacuating the whole United States.

01:36:29.000 Well, you know, there's a rock shelf in Africa.

01:36:33.000 That if it breaks off, they have these underwater landslides occur where these big shelves of these mountains fall off.

01:36:43.000 And it's happened thousands of times throughout history.

01:36:46.000 Well, if this one particular rock flat, this whole area which they predict one day will break off and go into the ocean, this one particular side of a mountain, if it does that, it's going to create a gigantic tsunami.

01:36:59.000 That engulfs the whole east coast of the United States.

01:37:02.000 Like miles in.

01:37:04.000 It's just going to be miles in water.

01:37:06.000 I mean, just a gigantic chunk of rock pouring into the ocean. 0.99

01:37:10.000 And these fucking waves that are like a mile high just going to roll in and wreck everything. 0.99

01:37:16.000 It's going to be insane. 0.99

01:37:18.000 Or it's just going to be mildly irritating.

01:37:20.000 It's going to be insane and it's probably going to happen.

01:37:24.000 It might not happen in our lifetime.

01:37:26.000 But you can't say.

01:37:28.000 Odds are so against it though.

01:37:30.000 They're not though.

01:37:31.000 They probably are.

01:37:32.000 There's so many things.

01:37:34.000 But there's so many things, dude.

01:37:36.000 There's so many different things.

01:37:37.000 The odds aren't against it.

01:37:38.000 If you look at all of them together, the odds aren't against it. 0.97

01:37:41.000 Because if you look at like meteors, man, they don't know when the fuck those are coming. 0.98

01:37:45.000 They have no idea how many asteroids are out there, how many big chunks of fucking rock and metal and iron are flying through space. 0.99

01:37:52.000 And any one of those could jack us. 0.98

01:37:54.000 And they've happened so many times over history.

01:37:56.000 It's been proven.

01:37:57.000 There's so many planets that are scattered with craters.

01:38:00.000 There's no way we can predict it.

01:38:01.000 I mean, they could martyr the sky and hope they catch most of them.

01:38:05.000 But there's always ones that are sneaking right by us that we miss.

01:38:08.000 It's happening left and right, man. 1.00

01:38:10.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:38:13.000 That's the government, man. 1.00

01:38:15.000 Can you guys still hear us?

01:38:17.000 Well, it's still recording.

01:38:19.000 Hmm.

01:38:20.000 Well, refresh your browser. 0.87

01:38:22.000 refresh that I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about This is interrupting my flow, ladies and gentlemen. 0.51

01:38:36.000 On a long time scale, everything is inevitable. 0.89

01:38:38.000 Yeah, that's really...

01:38:41.000 That dude just nailed it on the head.

01:38:43.000 That guy.

01:38:43.000 Money Japan again!

01:38:44.000 Money Japan for the win! 1.00

01:38:45.000 Damn. 1.00

01:38:46.000 Motherfuckers. 1.00

01:38:46.000 Who's Money Japan? 1.00

01:38:47.000 Two good quotes.

01:38:48.000 If he lives in Japan, he's money. 1.00

01:38:50.000 I love Japan.

01:38:51.000 Yo, money, money, money.

01:38:52.000 Have you talked to Eddie about being in Japan and how cool it was?

01:38:55.000 No, he just got back last night.

01:38:57.000 I haven't seen him yet.

01:38:58.000 I'd love to get to Japan.

01:38:59.000 Yeah, he's been to Japan when he used to work for Pride.

01:39:03.000 Where did Money Japan sit? 0.88

01:39:05.000 Yeah, on a long time scale, everything is inevitable.

01:39:07.000 That's what people have to realize.

01:39:08.000 We know for sure that human beings have a lifespan.

01:39:12.000 You're going to die.

01:39:13.000 As much as you plan for the future, you're going to die.

01:39:16.000 We know that planets have a lifespan. 0.99

01:39:18.000 As much as you plan for the future, fucking suns eventually run out of energy. 0.98

01:39:21.000 It might take billions of years, but it's going to happen. 0.98

01:39:24.000 And what we have to worry about is not just that.

01:39:27.000 Not just Earthquakes.

01:39:29.000 Not just supervolcanoes.

01:39:31.000 Not just meteors.

01:39:32.000 We have to worry about gamma-ray explosions.

01:39:34.000 We have to worry about, like, supernovas that happen out in space that make these giant gamma-ray bursts and fucking flood the Earth, crushing all our communication systems, crushing all our satellites, breaking everything.

01:39:46.000 No wireless internet.

01:39:48.000 No Oprah. 0.99

01:39:49.000 Everything shuts the fuck down. 1.00

01:39:51.000 I mean, that shit's all possible. 0.99

01:39:52.000 Giant crazy solar flares. 1.00

01:39:54.000 There's a lot of shit that could fuck human beings up. 1.00

01:39:57.000 There's a lot of shit. 1.00

01:39:59.000 They say that the polar ice caps have shifted more than once in the past. 0.99

01:40:03.000 They also say that 10,000 years ago, during the last ice age, the North American continent, half of it was under a mile of ice. 0.99

01:40:12.000 North America was fucked up, dude. 0.96

01:40:14.000 It was all ice. 1.00

01:40:17.000 That's crazy shit. 1.00

01:40:18.000 That's only 10,000 years ago, man. 1.00

01:40:20.000 Crazy things can happen.

01:40:21.000 How would we stop North America from turning all ice again if the earth got that cold again? 0.98

01:40:26.000 What the fuck would we do? 0.98

01:40:27.000 What would we do? 0.99

01:40:27.000 Turn on the heat? 0.99

01:40:28.000 What the fuck would we do? 1.00

01:40:30.000 What would we do if all of a sudden North America started turning into a fucking mile-high sheet wall of ice? 0.99

01:40:36.000 But odds are... 0.99

01:40:38.000 Dinosaurs would come back first.

01:40:40.000 Why?

01:40:40.000 Why do you say that?

01:40:42.000 Listen, Brian, you can't say that because what makes these climate changes is very mysterious.

01:40:48.000 You most likely have nothing to worry about.

01:40:50.000 Maybe, yes, most likely.

01:40:51.000 But there's been some gigantic things that have happened to the Earth over a short period of time. 0.98

01:40:56.000 I could freak out about that shit or I could just be like, hey, let's talk about real things that are freaking me out. 0.98

01:41:01.000 I've got to pay my bill tomorrow. 0.99

01:41:03.000 I think people avoid it, though.

01:41:06.000 I think people...

01:41:06.000 It's not just the fact that people choose not to think about it.

01:41:09.000 I think they typically avoid it.

01:41:10.000 So they don't ever have to think about the real big picture.

01:41:15.000 The real big picture is very frightening to a lot of people.

01:41:18.000 There's the big picture, like what are you going to do with your life?

01:41:21.000 You know, you're going to get married.

01:41:21.000 You're going to have kids.

01:41:22.000 You're going to get a good job.

01:41:23.000 You're going to be able to put your kids through college.

01:41:26.000 That's the real picture.

01:41:27.000 And then the big picture. 0.99

01:41:28.000 And the big picture is what the fuck are we doing? 0.98

01:41:31.000 We're involved in two wars. 0.98

01:41:33.000 It's 2010.

01:41:34.000 This is the age of information. 0.99

01:41:36.000 We see everywhere that we're being fucked left and right. 0.90

01:41:38.000 You know that your bailout money is going to these corporations. 0.98

01:41:41.000 And the corporation CEOs are taking hundreds of millions of dollars in payouts for bonuses and all this insanity. 0.99

01:41:48.000 And you're like, what fucking bonus? 0.96

01:41:50.000 Like, they used the United States taxpayers' money to bail out the company. 0.99

01:41:53.000 And now they get to get money.

01:41:55.000 They get bonuses.

01:41:55.000 Big, giant checks.

01:41:57.000 For what? 0.99

01:41:57.000 For fucking up? 0.99

01:41:58.000 Like, what kind of a criminal organization is this? 0.99

01:42:01.000 And we're accepting it? 1.00

01:42:02.000 What the fuck is this country running under? 0.99

01:42:05.000 That's part A of the big picture. 1.00

01:42:08.000 And then part B of the picture is, what the fuck? 0.99

01:42:10.000 We're in space? 1.00

01:42:11.000 That's the crazy one.

01:42:13.000 The part B is, we are on a planet.

01:42:16.000 And this planet is one of an infinite amount of planets and an infinite amount of solar systems and an infinite amount of galaxies spread throughout an infinite amount of space.

01:42:28.000 And that space and the universe itself may be some sort of a geometric pattern that you can duplicate and model.

01:42:35.000 You always get on the space thing.

01:42:36.000 Well, that's the most amazing thing.

01:42:38.000 I do always get on the space thing.

01:42:39.000 But it's because I get on the space thing in life.

01:42:41.000 When I think about life, when I think about anything, when I think about Obama talking about gays in the military, we must repeal, don't ask, don't tell. 0.91

01:42:50.000 people go to die too. 0.99

01:42:51.000 Like, this is nuts. 1.00

01:42:53.000 Like, you know, who the fuck wants to be in the military now? 1.00

01:42:55.000 Like, at this point in time, they're saying to him, you know, like, look, okay, we need gay people. 1.00

01:43:00.000 Let's just be cool about this and get gay people. 0.99

01:43:02.000 We're running out of people who want to join the military. 0.97

01:43:04.000 Let's get some gay people in it too. 0.97

01:43:06.000 Right. 1.00

01:43:07.000 The military, I think, in our grandparents' era, I think they were at least less under the illusion that they were getting fucked. 0.94

01:43:18.000 I've talked to so many dudes that come back and are so disillusioned. 0.67

01:43:22.000 That Pat Tillman guy, that's the best example ever.

01:43:25.000 There's a dude who's an NFL football star who decides that he wants to go fight for his country.

01:43:30.000 The noblest of virtues.

01:43:32.000 For a man to want to represent his country in a time of need...

01:43:36.000 To realize that he has to step up.

01:43:38.000 There are certain times in history where men have to do things. 0.99

01:43:41.000 And fuck all the glory from being an NFL player. 1.00

01:43:43.000 He's going to do the right thing and fight for his fucking country. 1.00

01:43:46.000 And he goes over there and gets killed in friendly fire. 1.00

01:43:49.000 you know, gets killed.

01:43:50.000 Pretty quick too. 0.98

01:43:51.000 Well, the crazy thing was how quickly he was talking about how fucked up it is over there and how disillusioned he is and how it's a mess and his brother's talking about it and they're completely incompetent and he was talking about how just completely unorganized it is over there and chaotic and how he didn't believe, you know, in what he joined up for the army in the the crazy thing was how quickly he was talking about how fucked He was being tricked and that's not what it was. 0.98

01:44:12.000 And it was a fascinating, fascinating fucking story. 0.98

01:44:15.000 You know, and that represents everything that's best about America. 0.98

01:44:18.000 Like a guy who is willing to look at it and say, man... 0.88

01:44:23.000 I need to fucking do something. 1.00

01:44:24.000 Fuck all this football playing. 1.00

01:44:26.000 I'm gonna go over there. 1.00

01:44:26.000 I'm gonna make a difference. 1.00

01:44:27.000 And then when he gets there, he's mad enough to go, oh shit, this is a mess. 0.99

01:44:31.000 Like, this is not what I wanted. 1.00

01:44:33.000 I'm not gonna be United States' bitch over this. 1.00

01:44:35.000 This is craziness. 1.00

01:44:36.000 This is chaos.

01:44:37.000 And then he's dead.

01:44:40.000 You know, I mean, which is what happens, man. 1.00

01:44:42.000 You know, you go to fucking war, people die. 1.00

01:44:44.000 It's terrible. 0.99

01:44:45.000 But it's just, at this point in time, man, you know, there's gotta be better ways around this. 0.98

01:44:50.000 There's gotta be better ways to, and I don't know what the fuck they are. 0.96

01:44:56.000 What are you doing? 0.99

01:44:57.000 Put that shit back so we can see each other. 1.00

01:44:59.000 I want to read the fucking trap, man. 1.00

01:45:02.000 Don't be going on TMZ. You got your laptop right there? 0.99

01:45:04.000 Shit. 1.00

01:45:04.000 Yeah, but I'm looking at yours, so I don't do like this, so we don't look at two totally different things like a couple of weird geeks. 1.00

01:45:10.000 What about the ether?

01:45:11.000 Who's doing the ether?

01:45:13.000 That was a good Nas song.

01:45:14.000 I'm getting into Nas again lately.

01:45:17.000 Nas?

01:45:18.000 Yeah.

01:45:19.000 You don't like Nas?

01:45:19.000 You need to move on, man.

01:45:20.000 You should listen to Kid Cudi.

01:45:21.000 Don't tell me I need to move on.

01:45:23.000 I like Nas.

01:45:23.000 There's some good music.

01:45:24.000 How dare he?

01:45:24.000 I hate Nas now.

01:45:25.000 How dare he?

01:45:26.000 I've overheard too much of his stuff now. 1.00

01:45:28.000 Oh, don't be a bitch, Brian. 1.00

01:45:29.000 You don't get sick of the same music? 1.00

01:45:30.000 I do, but I like going back to it on occasion.

01:45:34.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:45:35.000 I tried to listen to Nas recently, but I was like...

01:45:37.000 How dare you?

01:45:39.000 Kid Cudi, though, I recommend.

01:45:40.000 Kid Cudi.

01:45:41.000 Kid Cudi.

01:45:41.000 What does Kid Cudi do, this Kid Cudi fellow?

01:45:43.000 He's just a smooth little rapper.

01:45:46.000 Okay, this is the song...

01:45:47.000 Whenever I travel, this is the move.

01:45:49.000 You eat a pot cookie, like, right before you get to the airport.

01:45:53.000 So then you're bored.

01:45:54.000 You're not riding dirty.

01:45:55.000 You don't have to worry about anybody arresting you.

01:45:57.000 It doesn't even kick in until, like, an hour into the flight, you know?

01:46:00.000 An hour into the flight, then you're barbecued.

01:46:03.000 And then, that's the best way to fly.

01:46:05.000 I mean, it's not like you're going to operate in any heavy machinery.

01:46:07.000 You're going to think about yourself.

01:46:09.000 You're going to think about life. 1.00

01:46:10.000 You're going to think about a lot of deep, important shit when you're high on an airplane. 0.99

01:46:13.000 That's the only way I travel. 0.99

01:46:14.000 That's the best way to do it.

01:46:15.000 But then when I land, every time I land, I land to this song.

01:46:20.000 Think about yourself.

01:46:21.000 You're going to think about life. 1.00

01:46:22.000 You're going to think about a lot of deep, important shit. 0.99

01:46:24.000 That's me with a delay. 0.99

01:46:24.000 I don't want to listen to that. 0.99

01:46:25.000 This Hip Hop Is Dead song by Nas.

01:46:34.000 As soon as I land.

01:46:37.000 This is the best way to travel.

01:46:39.000 You're barbecued, okay?

01:46:42.000 You're contemplating your role in the universe, seeing all these different characters walking through the airport, got the big Dr. Dre Beats headphones on, and I get out of the plane like this.

01:46:52.000 It makes it like a ride You tell me you don't like this?

01:47:00.000 Yeah, but I've heard it a million times. 1.00

01:47:02.000 Who gives a shit? 1.00

01:47:03.000 Same shit over and over again. 1.00

01:47:04.000 Who gives a shit? 1.00

01:47:05.000 I like new music. 1.00

01:47:07.000 Yeah, but there's some classics, bitch. 1.00

01:47:10.000 This is a goddamn classic. 1.00

01:47:11.000 Look at this thing. 1.00

01:47:12.000 It's like Nirvana. 0.98

01:47:13.000 Somebody tell me what the fuck is wrong with Ustream. 0.99

01:47:16.000 What? 0.98

01:47:16.000 Ustream, get it together, people. 0.98

01:47:18.000 What?

01:47:18.000 I know you're free.

01:47:20.000 This shit is whack. 1.00

01:47:21.000 Can I read this social stream? 1.00

01:47:23.000 Yes, RyanLeg10, I can.

01:47:28.000 But here's the deal, son. 0.99

01:47:30.000 We've got to keep this bitch flowing. 1.00

01:47:31.000 And sometimes we're going to look at what you have to say, and sometimes we're not. 0.99

01:47:34.000 There's no rhyme or reason.

01:47:36.000 Don't get crazy.

01:47:37.000 Don't spam.

01:47:38.000 Let the universe be your guide, son!

01:47:43.000 Let the universe be your guide.

01:47:47.000 It just went down a notch.

01:47:49.000 And my book, jamming to that.

01:47:52.000 The other song I like to listen to, in all fairness, is Jimi Hendrix's Voodoo Child.

01:47:56.000 That's another badass landing song.

01:47:58.000 I used to have that one as my main one.

01:48:00.000 I would land and listen to what? 0.82

01:48:01.000 And the other one is, it's a little gay, Tori Amos, Crucify. 1.00

01:48:06.000 I like that song.

01:48:08.000 What is wrong?

01:48:09.000 I like that song.

01:48:10.000 I like it landed at Tori Amos.

01:48:12.000 Oh my gosh.

01:48:13.000 Why do we crucify ourselves every day?

01:48:19.000 Her playing the piano. 0.57

01:48:21.000 Sexy and white.

01:48:23.000 Sheets.

01:48:24.000 She's white.

01:48:26.000 I get to see you in your car with your fanny pack on.

01:48:30.000 Blasting out the Tori Amos.

01:48:32.000 Most of the time I don't drive with my fanny pack on.

01:48:34.000 The only time I do is when I'm on the way to the airport.

01:48:38.000 People give the fanny pack a hard time.

01:48:40.000 Matt Serra, I saw you on your video blog, which is fucking hilarious, leading up to this week's UFC, and I'm very much looking forward to your fight with Frank Trigg, but I saw you coming down on the fanny pack, my brother, and you gotta let it go.

01:48:53.000 Nothing wrong with a fanny pack, okay? 0.96

01:48:55.000 The only reason there is something wrong with a fanny pack is because you know you can't get laid if you wear a fanny pack. 1.00

01:48:59.000 So who gives a fuck? 1.00

01:49:02.000 Anybody that won't fuck you because you wear a fanny pack, you don't want them. 1.00

01:49:05.000 That's what I have to say. 1.00

01:49:06.000 That's a functional piece of wardrobe.

01:49:08.000 It's excellent. 1.00

01:49:09.000 You fucking strap that bitch on right there and you got all your shit right here. 1.00

01:49:13.000 It's nice. 1.00

01:49:14.000 It's right there.

01:49:14.000 You go to the airport.

01:49:15.000 You take it off.

01:49:16.000 Bam! 0.98

01:49:16.000 You walk through the metal detector. 0.98

01:49:18.000 I'm not saying you have to wear it every day. 1.00

01:49:19.000 But if I wear it, fuck you, man. 1.00

01:49:22.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:49:22.000 I got a fanny pack on. 1.00

01:49:23.000 I've worn that shit on stage before. 1.00

01:49:25.000 People get all angry. 1.00

01:49:26.000 Think it's a prop.

01:49:27.000 Am I saying a prop? 1.00

01:49:27.000 This is my fanny pack, bitch. 1.00

01:49:29.000 It seems like it would be a prop. 1.00

01:49:31.000 Yeah, because it's very unstylish.

01:49:33.000 But guess what?

01:49:34.000 The reality is I'm a 42-year-old married dude with a family. 1.00

01:49:38.000 So you're trying to cover your dick. 1.00

01:49:40.000 I'm not trying to fuck you. 1.00

01:49:41.000 I'm trying to walk into the airport with my shit in one place. 1.00

01:49:43.000 You're trying to cover your hog? 1.00

01:49:45.000 How dare you?

01:49:46.000 We're going to have to pull that. 0.98

01:49:49.000 Fanny packs hide a boner really well. 1.00

01:49:51.000 Not my boner, bitch. 1.00

01:49:52.000 Maybe your boner. 1.00

01:49:56.000 Maybe, I guess. 0.88

01:49:58.000 Maybe.

01:49:58.000 Maybe it would hurt.

01:49:59.000 If you had like a cell phone digging into your dick, you know? 1.00

01:50:03.000 I like more of like a little backpack sling box. 1.00

01:50:05.000 It's very rare that I walk with boners anymore though. 0.84

01:50:09.000 When I was a younger man, I used to have boners like, you know, walking to the airport.

01:50:14.000 For some reason, you just got this random boner cooking.

01:50:16.000 I don't get those.

01:50:17.000 You don't have random boners anymore? 0.70

01:50:18.000 I get morning boners, but I don't get no random daytime boners.

01:50:21.000 Especially if I do a lot of jujitsu. 0.98

01:50:23.000 And that makes jujitsu sound very gay because it kills your boners. 0.98

01:50:27.000 I guess I never was, yeah. 0.97

01:50:29.000 If you do a lot of jujitsu, you're tired all the time.

01:50:31.000 Your testosterone's down.

01:50:32.000 You know, you're worn out.

01:50:34.000 And if you're getting laid all the time, do those two things keep your boners from just occurring randomly?

01:50:40.000 But if you're not getting laid and you're not even working out, you're not doing anything, your boners will just start firing up.

01:50:45.000 So what's up?

01:50:46.000 Come on, what's up?

01:50:47.000 What's up, bro? 1.00

01:50:48.000 Who's the fuck, bro? 1.00

01:50:50.000 What's up, bro? 1.00

01:50:51.000 You want to get some turkey sliders?

01:50:52.000 Yeah, if you're not paying attention... 0.99

01:50:54.000 If you're not giving your dick the proper maintenance work, and you know, I had a joke that was in one of my CDs from way back. 0.99

01:50:59.000 I don't remember which one. 0.99

01:51:00.000 I think it was Shining the Happy Jihad. 0.97

01:51:02.000 It was that you got to jerk off first and then think about what you're doing. 0.97

01:51:05.000 You should always do that. 0.98

01:51:06.000 It's really important because your biology will trick you.

01:51:09.000 Your biology will have you convinced that you should go follow some crazy girl home who lives in a bad neighborhood and leave your car on the street. 1.00

01:51:17.000 Why? 0.98

01:51:18.000 Because you're horny. 1.00

01:51:20.000 You'll do some dumb shit. 1.00

01:51:21.000 You'll do some silly shit. 1.00

01:51:23.000 And if you jerk off, you're much less likely to do any of that. 1.00

01:51:26.000 Do you ever play racquetball? 0.96

01:51:28.000 No, that's the funny thing you say that, because I was just at a gym the other day that had all these racquetball courts, and I was like, that was one of the first times I've ever seen racquetball in a show in a long time.

01:51:35.000 Oh, really?

01:51:36.000 You would seem like I'd be a scary racquetball partner.

01:51:39.000 You'd be one of those guys who'd be like...

01:51:40.000 You know what, man?

01:51:43.000 This is what I don't like about racquetball.

01:51:44.000 I've had two knee surgeries.

01:51:45.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:51:46.000 I've had both my ACLs reconstructed and I had another meniscus surgery on my left knee.

01:51:52.000 And they work great now.

01:51:53.000 I have no problem doing jujitsu and they're fun and it's fine.

01:51:57.000 But I think if I did stuff like that, like cutting back and forth all the time, you run the risk of injuring yourself.

01:52:04.000 Jujitsu, I can kind of control the movements a little bit more, especially if you pull guard and you control where your legs are going.

01:52:11.000 When you're going back and forth like that, you're putting a tremendous amount of pressure on your joints. 0.99

01:52:16.000 Any explosive movement like that, it's an interesting thing to watch athletically, but for your body, eventually that shit's going to wear the fuck out of you. 0.99

01:52:25.000 You know what's the craziest thing, man? 0.99

01:52:28.000 It's when you see old football players, man. 0.99

01:52:30.000 You gotta respect the fucking dedication that goes into that sport. 0.98

01:52:34.000 The amount of pain those guys have to deal with. 0.99

01:52:37.000 Those guys get fucking clipped. 0.99

01:52:39.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

01:52:41.000 Some fucking football games that you see, like we see the clips on YouTube, where dudes are running full steam and just... 0.99

01:52:50.000 Right into another dude and send him smashing to the ground and another guy fucking piles into it at the same time. 1.00

01:52:57.000 You watch and you just go, Jesus Christ! 1.00

01:53:00.000 Your body, your fucking body is just going to get mangled. 1.00

01:53:04.000 And some of these guys, like running backs, they're like not that big dudes. 1.00

01:53:07.000 You know, these big fucking gorillas, you're trying to get at them. 1.00

01:53:10.000 Woo! 1.00

01:53:12.000 Football's a crazy ass game, man. 1.00

01:53:14.000 You know when football will be the shit? 1.00

01:53:16.000 When they can fix any injury. 0.99

01:53:18.000 Anything they have, anything that happens, they just zap you and it's like they have Apple backup for your hard drive.

01:53:25.000 That's all they have for your life.

01:53:26.000 Right before you go in and do anything dangerous, they back up your life, you know, like a couple weeks ago, and then they reload you back into the grid.

01:53:32.000 Like, oh, I'm back.

01:53:33.000 Did you die?

01:53:34.000 Yeah, I died, dude. 1.00

01:53:34.000 I fucked up. 1.00

01:53:35.000 You know, I got crazy. 1.00

01:53:37.000 You know?

01:53:38.000 How crazy would that be?

01:53:39.000 Yeah.

01:53:40.000 I mean, look, if you believe in like Ray Kurzweil and these futurists that believe that one day you were going to be able to download consciousness into a computer...

01:53:48.000 I mean, at a certain point in time, the real question becomes like, what is reality then?

01:53:53.000 If you're downloaded into a computer, who keeps the computer on?

01:53:56.000 The computers keep the computers on? 0.99

01:53:57.000 And then we're part of this new life, this new world that exists inside a fucking machine? 0.99

01:54:02.000 And then your consciousness exists in a machine? 0.99

01:54:04.000 And what happens to the original version of your consciousness?

01:54:06.000 What does Gaia have planned for you after you die?

01:54:08.000 Do you really go into some great well of souls and go into the next stage of existence?

01:54:13.000 Does that happen?

01:54:14.000 And if that does happen, you're already downloaded into the machine.

01:54:17.000 Does the well of souls accept you? 0.97

01:54:18.000 Or does the well of souls go, listen bitch, I don't accept software privacy up in heaven. 1.00

01:54:23.000 You can't be copying my shit and putting it on BitTorrent down on earth And having all these, you know, come on, man. 1.00

01:54:28.000 Your time's up, bitch. 1.00

01:54:29.000 It's over. 1.00

01:54:30.000 You have to move on.

01:54:31.000 You know, maybe it doesn't accept you if there's a version of you running in this parallel dimension.

01:54:35.000 Maybe heaven won't accept you because you've got to let go.

01:54:38.000 That's the whole idea of living and dying is to know that this is a stage.

01:54:41.000 Don't be greedy.

01:54:42.000 Don't try to live for a thousand years. 1.00

01:54:45.000 Just get the fuck out of here. 1.00

01:54:46.000 Go, go, go, go! 1.00

01:54:47.000 Don't download yourself.

01:54:48.000 Stop it! 0.99

01:54:50.000 You know?

01:54:51.000 It's almost like a kid who wants to go down the slide and he's holding onto the back of the slide...

01:54:56.000 And he wants to go down the slide and hold on at the same time.

01:54:58.000 Well, you can't. 1.00

01:54:59.000 Either you go down the slide, or you hold on, you'd be a bitch. 1.00

01:55:02.000 So either you download yourself into a computer, live forever, or you see what's next, like you're supposed to. 0.99

01:55:09.000 Right?

01:55:10.000 Aubrey de Grey believes we will live forever in biological form.

01:55:15.000 Yeah, I've seen that guy, that Professor Aubrey de Grey, day sleeper, 1988. He's that crazy English dude with the big, long, crazy beard who drinks a lot of beer. 0.90

01:55:23.000 Yeah, he's a fascinating guy. 0.94

01:55:25.000 He's, you know, some crazy, mad scientist genius character who is working on changing human beings at the molecular level to prevent aging, to change aging, and working on all these different science things.

01:55:37.000 For our anti-aging.

01:55:39.000 And the idea is that if you can survive for a few years, the next 20 or 30 years, you're likely that you can live forever.

01:55:45.000 Which is really crazy.

01:55:47.000 Just insane to think about.

01:55:48.000 There's so many people as it is right now.

01:55:52.000 Did you see Pandorum, by the way?

01:55:55.000 Unsolicited plug here.

01:55:56.000 Hold on a second, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

01:55:59.000 I'm gonna grab this bitch so you know what the fuck I'm talking about. 1.00

01:56:02.000 I watched this the other night on Blu-ray. 1.00

01:56:09.000 It's called Pandorum.

01:56:10.000 And this is a movie that Kung Lee is in.

01:56:12.000 And that's, I think, how I found out about it the first time.

01:56:15.000 And then a dude named Angry Amadeus on my message board made a post about it.

01:56:20.000 And he's a pretty smart guy and he was talking about how great it was. 0.99

01:56:22.000 I said, alright, fuck it, I'll give it a try. 0.99

01:56:23.000 That guy is an intelligent dude. 1.00

01:56:26.000 And it's a space horror film.

01:56:29.000 And Kung Lee is in it.

01:56:30.000 Dennis Quaid is in it. 0.99

01:56:32.000 Pretty goddamn fucking good movie, man. 0.99

01:56:34.000 What is it? 1.00

01:56:34.000 Pretty fun fucking movie. 1.00

01:56:35.000 It's a horror movie in space. 0.99

01:56:38.000 Kind of surprised that it didn't get more people into it.

01:56:41.000 It was good, man.

01:56:42.000 What's the Rotten Tomatoes score?

01:56:44.000 I didn't even look.

01:56:45.000 Let's look.

01:56:46.000 The Rotten Tomatoes score for Pandorum. 1.00

01:56:48.000 I pretty much trust that shit. 1.00

01:56:50.000 Rotten Tomatoes? 1.00

01:56:51.000 Yeah.

01:56:53.000 It's pretty good.

01:56:54.000 Pretty accurate, usually.

01:56:59.000 What do I think about the Nexus One?

01:57:00.000 I think it's got a lot of problems now, but once it comes to Verizon, it might be interesting to see what happens.

01:57:08.000 I'm kind of more excited about the Tour 2 now, I think.

01:57:10.000 Yeah, you know, the thing about the Tour 2, which means a lot to me, is that it's a world phone.

01:57:15.000 I need a world phone. 0.99

01:57:16.000 I travel, bitch. 1.00

01:57:16.000 I'm international, you know what I'm saying? 1.00

01:57:18.000 Sometimes I'll be visiting my homies in the UK, you know what I'm saying?

01:57:21.000 Whoa! 0.71

01:57:21.000 28% of Rotten Tomatoes. 0.71

01:57:23.000 28%? 1.00

01:57:25.000 Damn! 1.00

01:57:30.000 Okay, I completely disagree. 0.99

01:57:37.000 Yes, it was not perfect.

01:57:39.000 Nor was Avatar.

01:57:40.000 I'm not looking for perfect movies anymore.

01:57:42.000 I'm looking for an escape.

01:57:43.000 I'm looking for some fun. 1.00

01:57:44.000 If I want to be intellectually stimulated, it's not going to be from your gay fucking movie, okay? 1.00

01:57:49.000 It's going to be from a documentary. 1.00

01:57:51.000 It's going to be from some real life shit. 0.99

01:57:53.000 It's going to be from something on space. 1.00

01:57:55.000 If I'm watching a movie, I want crazy shit with monsters and explosions, and I want excitement, and I want some tits. 1.00

01:58:02.000 And that movie had all that. 0.99

01:58:03.000 Click on top critics and read some of the top critics. 1.00

01:58:05.000 Is that a hot bitch that was kicking over his ass? 1.00

01:58:07.000 Top critics. 1.00

01:58:08.000 Yeah, and then read some of the just little blurbs from what their reviews are.

01:58:10.000 are because I'm kind of interested to see if because if you like it so much what they have to say about it.

01:58:21.000 Hmm.

01:58:22.000 Threw out some obvious questions pop up immediately.

01:58:26.000 Yeah, no kidding.

01:58:27.000 Jesus Christ, folks.

01:58:29.000 Lazily derivative.

01:58:30.000 Perhaps.

01:58:31.000 Perhaps a bit.

01:58:32.000 But so what, man? 1.00

01:58:34.000 It's like a fucking cheeseburger, okay? 0.99

01:58:36.000 Way too much Tori Amos in soundtrack. 1.00

01:58:38.000 How dare you?

01:58:39.000 Did they say that?

01:58:41.000 My Tori?

01:58:43.000 Listen, folks.

01:58:44.000 You know what I'm looking forward to?

01:58:46.000 The Wolfman, okay?

01:58:47.000 The Wolfman with Benicio Del Toro's coming out. 1.00

01:58:50.000 I know the fucking plot. 0.99

01:58:51.000 I know it's been done a thousand times before. 1.00

01:58:54.000 I don't give a shit. 0.99

01:58:56.000 I want some escape. 0.99

01:58:57.000 I want to see the Wolfman.

01:58:59.000 I want to see, like, it's an old school Wolfman 2. This is going to be badass.

01:59:02.000 Did you like the old ones?

01:59:03.000 Yeah, I loved all of them, dude.

01:59:05.000 I loved American Werewolf in London.

01:59:07.000 I loved the old Wolfman.

01:59:09.000 I loved, there's so many different ones that came out, you know?

01:59:13.000 There hasn't been a good one in a long time, though. 0.98

01:59:15.000 Those Lycan movies, the vampires and the fucking, those are cool looking werewolves. 0.98

01:59:20.000 They're kind of crazy looking, but they're so CGI that it's hard to take them serious. 1.00

01:59:23.000 They look dope, but they look fake as fuck. 0.99

01:59:26.000 You know? 1.00

01:59:26.000 Anyway, a lot of people thought that movie sucked. 1.00

01:59:29.000 And you might think it sucks too. 0.98

01:59:30.000 Be a huge Teen Wolf fan? 0.96

01:59:32.000 No.

01:59:32.000 But I like some science fiction.

01:59:34.000 I love horror and science fiction movies.

01:59:36.000 I like aliens.

01:59:37.000 Old school aliens.

01:59:37.000 I like that kind of...

01:59:38.000 Oh, old school aliens and shit. 0.99

01:59:39.000 But this was one that was like that that I hadn't seen. 0.98

01:59:42.000 So it was fun, man. 1.00

01:59:43.000 I'll watch that shit again. 1.00

01:59:44.000 I liked it. 1.00

01:59:45.000 I like that! 1.00

01:59:46.000 I like some stupid shit. 1.00

01:59:47.000 Stupid shit is not always bad, folks. 1.00

01:59:50.000 It's like what I was saying about cheeseburgers. 1.00

01:59:51.000 Sometimes you want a fucking hot dog. 0.98

01:59:53.000 Sometimes you want to eat a gourmet meal and you want to have a nice, healthy salad first. 0.99

01:59:57.000 You want to have spring water with lemon in it.

01:59:59.000 You want to feel good about yourself.

02:00:00.000 You want to feel... 1.00

02:00:01.000 Sometimes you want a fucking hot dog. 0.99

02:00:02.000 And you want a hot dog with chili on it, alright? 1.00

02:00:04.000 And that shit's good. 1.00

02:00:05.000 When you want it, it's good. 1.00

02:00:07.000 You know it's... 1.00

02:00:08.000 Pig assholes and horse dicks. 1.00

02:00:10.000 You don't give a fuck. 1.00

02:00:11.000 It tastes good and you've got sauerkraut in it and mustard. 1.00

02:00:15.000 That's what this fucking movie is. 1.00

02:00:16.000 It's a hot dog. 1.00

02:00:17.000 I live by Wienerschnitzel.

02:00:18.000 And have you ever been there?

02:00:19.000 I think so.

02:00:20.000 I haven't been there a long time.

02:00:20.000 It's amazing.

02:00:20.000 You can get pretty much whatever you want.

02:00:22.000 They have a chicken corn dog hot dog.

02:00:24.000 Oh, yeah.

02:00:24.000 I think I went to one in Colorado, actually.

02:00:27.000 Yeah, that's a good place.

02:00:27.000 That was one of the first ones I went to.

02:00:29.000 Corn beef hot dog.

02:00:30.000 It's great.

02:00:31.000 Colorado.

02:00:32.000 Okay.

02:00:33.000 Unoriginal plot like Carlos Mencia.

02:00:35.000 How dare you, your mama. 1.00

02:00:37.000 Well, you were doing so well before that. 1.00

02:00:39.000 Let's not bring up that fool. 0.97

02:00:41.000 Red Band doesn't like old music. 0.98

02:00:42.000 Oh, I do love old music.

02:00:43.000 But he likes old music.

02:00:44.000 You don't know what you're talking about, Frank over there. 1.00

02:00:46.000 You don't know shit, bro. 1.00

02:00:47.000 I love Beatles. 0.99

02:00:48.000 Mostly Beatles is my favorite, and Zeppelin is probably my second favorite old music.

02:00:53.000 Yeah, dude.

02:00:53.000 Whole Lotta Love is one of my favorite songs of all time.

02:00:56.000 There was something about the 70s, man.

02:00:58.000 They had a certain...

02:00:59.000 The 60s and the 70s.

02:01:00.000 They had a certain energy to their music.

02:01:03.000 That was representing the changes that were going on in the culture that we haven't had in a long time.

02:01:09.000 The thing about Jimi Hendrix and the thing about the Doors and the Beatles and all the Zeppelin, the bands from that era is they were bursting to the scene in one of the most One of the biggest changes in our human culture ever. 0.99

02:01:25.000 Like, between the 50s and the 70s, shit just went haywire and whacked out of fucking control. 0.97

02:01:31.000 And all of a sudden there's, you know, love power and stop the war and everyone's doing acid and Ken Kesey and the fucking Merry Pranksters and they're all doing acid. 1.00

02:01:40.000 Hanging out with fucking Timothy Leary and Hunter Thompson. 0.96

02:01:43.000 And everyone's trying to change the world. 0.99

02:01:45.000 And everybody's fucking everybody left and right. 0.97

02:01:48.000 And Jimi Hendrix is on stage just jamming to his guitar. 1.00

02:01:51.000 Doing the Star Spangled Banner with his fucking guitar. 0.99

02:01:54.000 And it's the craziest version of it ever. 1.00

02:01:56.000 And there's dirty hippies on acid wallowing in the mud in front of them. 0.98

02:02:00.000 I mean, there was nothing like it. 0.95

02:02:02.000 There was nothing like it before.

02:02:03.000 It changed the culture. 1.00

02:02:05.000 You know, so that music, when I listen to it, man, I feel that shit in it. 0.99

02:02:09.000 When I listen to some old Hendrix or some Stones from that era, you feel the fucking time. 0.99

02:02:15.000 You feel that era. 0.93

02:02:17.000 It's imprinted in the really great art of that era.

02:02:21.000 Like Voodoo Child. 1.00

02:02:23.000 So many fucking songs. 1.00

02:02:26.000 Mother's Little Helper. 1.00

02:02:27.000 So many Stones songs.

02:02:30.000 Brown Sugar.

02:02:32.000 Come on, man.

02:02:33.000 Digital Underground.

02:02:35.000 You just ruined the whole...

02:02:36.000 You don't even know what you're talking about.

02:02:38.000 You know what I'm talking about.

02:02:39.000 They were good, dude.

02:02:40.000 Digital Underground was good when they first came out.

02:02:42.000 You know what else was good, man?

02:02:45.000 Who does OP Pooh?

02:02:46.000 Naughty by Nature. 1.00

02:02:46.000 Naughty by Nature was the shit. 1.00

02:02:48.000 Young MC used to be the shit, too. 1.00

02:02:50.000 Yeah, but Naughty by Nature, yes. 0.99

02:02:52.000 But I liked Young MC a couple of songs.

02:02:55.000 But Naughty by Nature, what I liked about them was that dude's flow was so original.

02:03:00.000 Third Bass? 0.99

02:03:01.000 No, they couldn't fuck with nothing. 0.99

02:03:02.000 You didn't like their bass? 0.99

02:03:03.000 That dude, Tretch, had that rhythmic flow that was like, he made all the words rhyme cool, but he also did it almost like he was singing. 0.99

02:03:11.000 Like he was talking shit and singing at the same time. 0.99

02:03:14.000 And doing it really fast to show you that he's good at it. 1.00

02:03:17.000 You know?

02:03:18.000 I mean, he was like way more skilled than most of those guys.

02:03:21.000 Like way more transitions and way craftier.

02:03:24.000 You know, when you have it with that doo-doo-doo-doo, you know that, you down with LPP? Yeah, yeah. 0.91

02:03:29.000 That was a great fucking song, man. 1.00

02:03:31.000 That was a great fucking song. 1.00

02:03:33.000 That's a perfect example. 1.00

02:03:33.000 That song I overkilled. 1.00

02:03:34.000 Never wanted to listen to that song again.

02:03:36.000 Now I could probably listen to it.

02:03:37.000 Yeah, I know what you mean.

02:03:38.000 Like back then, after a while it got on the radio and you're like, Jesus Christ.

02:03:42.000 It's like the Poker Face song.

02:03:43.000 It's like, enough!

02:03:45.000 Enough! 1.00

02:03:46.000 NWA Express Yourself.

02:03:47.000 Express!

02:03:48.000 I'm expressing with my full capabilities.

02:03:50.000 And now I'm living in correctional facilities.

02:03:53.000 Because some don't agree with how I do this.

02:03:56.000 I get straight and meditate like a Buddhist.

02:03:58.000 Like a Buddhist. 1.00

02:03:59.000 Yeah, that shit was revolutionary. 1.00

02:04:00.000 Up early in the morning, dressed in black. 1.00

02:04:02.000 You know what was freaking me out?

02:04:04.000 I first got into NWA, I'd heard about NWA like a little late to the game.

02:04:08.000 And this was back when I was still fighting.

02:04:09.000 And I was on the treadmill doing my workout and I had the Walkman on.

02:04:13.000 It was a Walkman back then, a cassette one.

02:04:16.000 And I was listening to it, I think.

02:04:17.000 I might have been a CD player.

02:04:18.000 I don't know.

02:04:19.000 It definitely wasn't an MP3 player.

02:04:21.000 Sony cassette.

02:04:21.000 Yeah, it might have been a CD player.

02:04:23.000 I can't recall, but I remember listening to it.

02:04:25.000 I think it was a cassette.

02:04:25.000 I remember listening to it and go, God, these guys are so mean.

02:04:28.000 Like, they're all, like, anti-white people and white bitch and white this. 1.00

02:04:32.000 What? 1.00

02:04:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:04:33.000 You know? 0.99

02:04:33.000 They want to shoot people. 0.99

02:04:34.000 Like, wow, this is crazy.

02:04:35.000 I'm listening to music about... 0.99

02:04:37.000 Then I started getting into, like, ghetto boys and shit. 1.00

02:04:39.000 It's all, like, people wanting to kill people. 0.99

02:04:40.000 Ice-T. Like, there was nothing before that.

02:04:43.000 You know, like, the rock stars of, like, the 60s and the 70s, nobody ever talked about killing anybody.

02:04:48.000 And then all of a sudden, all these rappers, you know, are killing people.

02:04:52.000 Colors. 0.99

02:04:53.000 I am a nightmare walking. 0.84

02:04:55.000 Psychopath talking. 1.00

02:04:56.000 Let's get butt naked and fucked tonight. 1.00

02:04:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:04:59.000 Well, that was, like, later stuff.

02:05:00.000 But the early stuff that he came out with...

02:05:03.000 H-U-S-T-L-E-R, Hustler. 0.83

02:05:06.000 Remember Two Live Crew?

02:05:09.000 I used to listen to Two Live Crew and it's weird. 0.99

02:05:12.000 I grew up listening to black people talk about sex. 1.00

02:05:16.000 I know. 1.00

02:05:17.000 They talk nasty about it.

02:05:19.000 People were freaking out. 0.60

02:05:20.000 People were putting Two Live Crew in jail for being too dirty.

02:05:24.000 They were so dirty they wanted to lock them in cages and they did it.

02:05:27.000 You know, that's how crazy Florida is. 1.00

02:05:29.000 In Florida, you can get OxyContin's everywhere you fucking turn. 1.00

02:05:32.000 You can go to a store, you know, right next to, you know, a fucking apartment building, and they got a pain management center, and you go to these pain management centers, and there's all these OxyContin junkies who's sitting around wanting to get their shit. 1.00

02:05:45.000 That's okay, but you can't have a black guy talking about eating pussy. 1.00

02:05:48.000 Getting his dick sucked. 1.00

02:05:52.000 You know, what is that? 1.00

02:05:54.000 We're terrified of that.

02:05:56.000 Stop doing that.

02:05:57.000 Why? 1.00

02:05:58.000 Because I want to read the stream, faggot. 1.00

02:06:00.000 Damn. 1.00

02:06:01.000 Why do you keep fucking around? 1.00

02:06:02.000 I'm trying to read what people have to say. 1.00

02:06:04.000 Public Enemy minus Flavor Flavor.

02:06:06.000 Don't hate on Flavor Flavor just because he got paid.

02:06:09.000 Don't hate on Flavor because he figured out a way to turn his eccentricities into a show.

02:06:13.000 Cool G Rap.

02:06:14.000 Cool G Rap and DJ Polo. 1.00

02:06:16.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:06:17.000 The Beatles or the Stones. 1.00

02:06:18.000 Depends on the mood, sir.

02:06:20.000 You know, what do you think?

02:06:21.000 Beatles or the Stones.

02:06:23.000 Beatles.

02:06:24.000 By a million.

02:06:25.000 Really?

02:06:26.000 Well, the Beatles are definitely...

02:06:27.000 I never really liked the Stones too much.

02:06:28.000 You know who I really like, man?

02:06:30.000 That I don't think got enough credit was Soundgarden.

02:06:32.000 I think Soundgarden...

02:06:33.000 I just love Soundgarden, yeah.

02:06:35.000 Soundgarden's...

02:06:36.000 Blow Up the Outside World?

02:06:37.000 I'm sorry, man. 0.99

02:06:38.000 That's one of the greatest fucking... 0.98

02:06:39.000 Temple of the Dog? 0.99

02:06:40.000 Yeah, Temple of the Dog was great.

02:06:43.000 But Blow Up the Outside World, just that song alone, that's one of the greatest songs ever, man.

02:06:46.000 They had some really creative fucking songs, and Chris Cornell, his voice just worked so well with that band, you know? 0.97

02:06:53.000 His other shit that he's been doing, I'm not really into it. 0.99

02:06:56.000 Yeah, I can't get into it at all. 0.99

02:06:57.000 But goddamn, he was awesome with Soundgarden. 0.99

02:07:00.000 You know, his new shit that he did, like the pop shit, like, I'm like, oh, maybe I give the guy a chance once the fuck around, you know? 1.00

02:07:08.000 People don't know. 1.00

02:07:09.000 Sometimes you take chances. 0.99

02:07:09.000 You don't know what the fuck you're doing. 0.99

02:07:11.000 That new Gorillaz is awful. 1.00

02:07:13.000 Is it?

02:07:14.000 Yeah.

02:07:14.000 Really?

02:07:14.000 Yeah.

02:07:15.000 God, they were so good.

02:07:16.000 It just has this guy screaming jazzy type bluesy stuff in it.

02:07:21.000 I don't know.

02:07:22.000 It wasn't good.

02:07:23.000 The first time I made out with a chick, I listened to Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd.

02:07:28.000 I was watching WWF number two. 0.91

02:07:32.000 In the basement of my friend's house the first time I ever had sex.

02:07:35.000 WWF number two.

02:07:36.000 Or whatever it used to be called.

02:07:37.000 Which one was that?

02:07:38.000 I don't remember.

02:07:39.000 But it was on the TV and it was the first time I ever had sex.

02:07:42.000 So it was wrestling.

02:07:42.000 Pro wrestling.

02:07:43.000 Yeah.

02:07:43.000 WWF. So you were fucked into pro wrestling.

02:07:45.000 While pro wrestling was on. 1.00

02:07:46.000 Wow.

02:07:47.000 Did she make like little muffled moans? 0.99

02:07:49.000 I don't remember.

02:07:50.000 To let you know that she liked it?

02:07:51.000 I don't remember.

02:07:51.000 She didn't want to get too loud so nobody could hear?

02:07:53.000 It's so weird.

02:07:53.000 I don't remember.

02:07:57.000 No, because it was like after homecoming and my friend was upstairs having sex on the family room. 0.79

02:08:01.000 Oh, so you were just jamming it. 0.97

02:08:02.000 Yeah.

02:08:02.000 So nobody was home.

02:08:03.000 Exactly.

02:08:03.000 Yeah, so then you put on a show.

02:08:05.000 You're trying to...

02:08:05.000 Trying to make your friends hear how loud you are, right?

02:08:08.000 No, I didn't.

02:08:09.000 I don't think I did that. 1.00

02:08:10.000 Smack around shit. 1.00

02:08:10.000 Shut the fuck up and suck it! 1.00

02:08:12.000 Let them know you're doing crazy shit down there so they feel uncomfortable. 1.00

02:08:15.000 It's funny, I don't remember it at all. 0.96

02:08:16.000 Did you try to do that?

02:08:16.000 Try to kill your friend's boner?

02:08:17.000 Just by over-freaking? 0.97

02:08:20.000 No.

02:08:20.000 In the room down the hall?

02:08:21.000 No.

02:08:22.000 Not at all. 0.98

02:08:24.000 I'm a quiet sex man. 1.00

02:08:26.000 You gotta gorilla fuck him every now and then, dude. 1.00

02:08:28.000 You probably scream and everything while you're having sex. 1.00

02:08:31.000 Yeah, I'm quiet, man. 0.99

02:08:32.000 I drew into a pillow. 0.97

02:08:34.000 A lot of rape jokes. 0.50

02:08:36.000 A lot of positional dominance.

02:08:38.000 I'm very good at guard passing. 0.99

02:08:40.000 I know what the fuck I'm doing. 0.99

02:08:42.000 Guard passing? 1.00

02:08:44.000 Shit. 1.00

02:08:47.000 It's funny how, you know, you can date one girl and think that, like, it's cool to choke girls, because that's what they want. 1.00

02:08:54.000 Like, choke me, choke me, and you're like, what the fuck? 0.99

02:08:56.000 I don't like that at all. 1.00

02:08:57.000 I don't like that.

02:08:57.000 That's confusing.

02:08:59.000 You don't want to associate that with sex, Ari.

02:09:01.000 Ari Shafir.

02:09:02.000 Yeah, Ari loves that. 1.00

02:09:03.000 He likes smacking girls, too. 0.96

02:09:04.000 Yeah. 0.96

02:09:05.000 But it's like slapping him in real life. 0.98

02:09:07.000 It's like slapping him when he's boning him. 0.98

02:09:09.000 I don't want to connect those two things together, violence and sex. 0.98

02:09:13.000 Because I think you can connect things in your head.

02:09:16.000 You can set up little pathways, and like it or not, they're in there.

02:09:20.000 I think sometimes dudes get obsessed with feet. 0.92

02:09:22.000 I don't know what the fuck that is, but it's a thing, and dudes get horny and excited about feet. 0.99

02:09:28.000 Well, that same shit can happen with slapping people. 1.00

02:09:30.000 Duncan likes to be spanked. 1.00

02:09:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:32.000 You could date a girl and she likes you to slap her and then you get into that and you guys have loco sex because you're slapping her and then fucking her in the ass and she's nutty and then, you know, that's your shit now. 1.00

02:09:42.000 Like, you're all fired up and the next girl, you're trying to slap her and fuck her in the ass and she's like, you fucking asshole, you piece of shit. 1.00

02:09:47.000 And you ruin, like, the best relationship ever. 1.00

02:09:50.000 Why? 1.00

02:09:50.000 Because you're addicted to ass-fucking and slapping bitches. 1.00

02:09:53.000 And that's just wrong, man. 1.00

02:09:54.000 You need to get your shit together. 0.99

02:09:56.000 It's funny how different every girl is, too. 1.00

02:09:58.000 Because, like, some girls just want to be fucked. 1.00

02:09:59.000 And other girls are like, why are you doing it so rough? 1.00

02:10:01.000 You know? 1.00

02:10:02.000 And some girls, they want you to lick their clit like this. 1.00

02:10:04.000 Right. 1.00

02:10:04.000 They want you to go like this. 1.00

02:10:08.000 And other girls, they want you to lock on that thing and fucking shake your head like a wolf. 1.00

02:10:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:10:14.000 They want you to punch it. 0.99

02:10:16.000 They want you to get crazy with it. 1.00

02:10:18.000 They want you to go nutty.

02:10:20.000 Some girls want the whole thing. 1.00

02:10:22.000 They want fingers. 1.00

02:10:23.000 They want you to fuck their face. 1.00

02:10:25.000 They want nutty shit. 1.00

02:10:25.000 But if you try that with other girls, you got problems, son. 1.00

02:10:28.000 That's why I just let them take control.

02:10:32.000 Sometimes you got to take a chance.

02:10:33.000 Sometimes you got to roll the dice.

02:10:34.000 But you got to know how freaky a girl is. 1.00

02:10:36.000 And some girls would have never done it before, but you just tried it. 1.00

02:10:39.000 And then all of a sudden, your party's on.

02:10:41.000 I would recommend, as a man of experience, In his elder years. 1.00

02:10:45.000 Don't get all excited about that ass-fucking. 1.00

02:10:47.000 That shit is not sanitary. 1.00

02:10:49.000 It's not good for anybody. 1.00

02:10:50.000 It's only...

02:10:51.000 It doesn't feel better.

02:10:52.000 It's just because it's taboo.

02:10:53.000 It's nutty.

02:10:54.000 That's the trick.

02:10:55.000 And it's unsanitary. 1.00

02:10:56.000 And you could ruin your wife's butthole. 1.00

02:10:58.000 Right? 1.00

02:10:59.000 You could break that shit. 1.00

02:11:00.000 They're all going to have problems shitting within, like, 20 years. 1.00

02:11:02.000 Well, dudes... 0.99

02:11:03.000 When they get old... 0.81

02:11:04.000 Dudes who are gay... 1.00

02:11:05.000 A lot of gay dudes just go with the blowjob. 1.00

02:11:08.000 Blowjob jerking each other off. 1.00

02:11:09.000 They give up on their ass-fucking. 1.00

02:11:10.000 Yeah, a lot of gay dudes, they're like... 1.00

02:11:11.000 It's hard to get your asshole pounded. 1.00

02:11:13.000 Some big dick, Lexington Steel-type character ripping your asshole apart. 1.00

02:11:18.000 And there's a lot of that online. 1.00

02:11:20.000 We were talking about that, about how easy it is to see porn online. 1.00

02:11:22.000 Like, ass-fuck porn. 1.00

02:11:24.000 Bam! 1.00

02:11:24.000 Like, within a couple clicks. 1.00

02:11:26.000 All you have to do is just put it in your Google, go to a site, and it's free. 0.95

02:11:30.000 You just have to pay a lot of money for little, shitty-ass, tiny videos that you can download online. 0.89

02:11:35.000 Or magazines, or Sears catalogs, you know? 0.99

02:11:38.000 Yeah, but I mean the porn, just the evolution of porn over the last few years.

02:11:42.000 I mean, now you get like these YouPorn sites and, you know, Pornhub.

02:11:46.000 Submit your flicks.

02:11:46.000 They're giant big pictures.

02:11:48.000 I mean, it's a giant big image, and it's high quality, and it's free. 0.95

02:11:52.000 Like, how the fuck are they able to do that? 0.59

02:11:54.000 Is everybody getting paid? 0.98

02:11:56.000 How does that work? 0.99

02:11:57.000 And if that's happening, who the fuck is buying porn these days? 0.98

02:12:00.000 How down are their sales? 0.99

02:12:02.000 If anybody needs a bailout...

02:12:03.000 Porn in period, it's down.

02:12:05.000 Yeah.

02:12:05.000 There's no reason for porn anymore.

02:12:06.000 People have moved on where people with webcams are now giving it for free on their Facebook pages.

02:12:11.000 Well, I've always said about porn, why would you need to make more porns?

02:12:15.000 There's like billions of porns. 0.99

02:12:17.000 You couldn't possibly have jerked off to all of them. 0.99

02:12:18.000 It's not even possible. 0.98

02:12:20.000 There's so many. 0.94

02:12:21.000 Unless you're so goddamn specific... 0.95

02:12:23.000 You know, like you follow one girl and you know, it's a... 0.99

02:12:26.000 A fantasy adventure porn.

02:12:27.000 It's all acted out. 0.98

02:12:28.000 There's only three fuck scenes in the whole hour and a half movie, but there's a lot of bad acting. 0.94

02:12:32.000 There's dudes who are into those. 0.83

02:12:33.000 They follow one particular porn star and they get into her and get obsessed by her and go to meet her at the AVN Awards and sign autographs with them.

02:12:41.000 Some dudes just lock onto one chick. 1.00

02:12:43.000 But if you're just looking to jerk off to stuff, you don't have to ever make new porns. 0.98

02:12:47.000 There's plenty of porns. 0.98

02:12:48.000 Nobody's seen them all.

02:12:49.000 It's impossible.

02:12:50.000 How many porns are there?

02:12:52.000 Do you know Twitterverse?

02:12:53.000 Anybody have any idea?

02:12:55.000 Yeah, a lot of these porn stars have moved on to just paying per, like, live, like, this kind of web streaming.

02:13:01.000 Like, you rent them for an hour.

02:13:02.000 Oh, really? 0.98

02:13:03.000 You're like, alright, I want you to put this at your butthole and stuff like that. 0.99

02:13:05.000 That's a good move. 0.99

02:13:06.000 I should probably do that.

02:13:07.000 I wonder how much I can get. 0.99

02:13:08.000 Something in my butthole. 0.99

02:13:11.000 Um... 0.99

02:13:12.000 What was I talking about?

02:13:13.000 Oh, um... 0.99

02:13:14.000 Tyler Knight is a dude who's a porn star. 0.94

02:13:16.000 His name's Tyler Knight. 0.71

02:13:17.000 He's a guy who played, um...

02:13:19.000 He was in the, uh, the Bill Cosby one.

02:13:21.000 the Bill Cosby porn that Thomas Ward was in.

02:13:26.000 Thomas Ward played Cosby. 0.92

02:13:27.000 They did a porno thing.

02:13:29.000 He's a real cool dude.

02:13:31.000 He's this porn actor who is also a really good writer.

02:13:35.000 He's got this great, I don't know his blog title, unfortunately. 1.00

02:13:38.000 But he's, you know what, I'm going to find it for you because he really writes some crazy shit. 0.95

02:13:43.000 But he's a really cool dude. 0.98

02:13:44.000 And he does jiu-jitsu with us at 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu in Hollywood.

02:13:48.000 The Cosby show.

02:13:48.000 Yeah, he's a really tough guy, too.

02:13:50.000 He had a boxing match with Mario Lopez, but Mario laid them fangs on him!

02:13:55.000 Mario gave a beating.

02:13:57.000 Not a beating, but he beat him.

02:13:59.000 I shouldn't say that.

02:14:00.000 Does Mario Lopez fight a lot?

02:14:03.000 I think he has fought a bunch of times.

02:14:05.000 He's a tough dude, man.

02:14:06.000 He likes to box, and he's really athletic.

02:14:09.000 He's really good at it.

02:14:13.000 He's...

02:14:14.000 Oh, Tyler Knight...

02:14:18.000 Here we go.

02:14:19.000 Tylerknight.com.

02:14:21.000 Yeah.

02:14:22.000 Why do you already have that in your bookmarks?

02:14:24.000 I don't.

02:14:25.000 He's my buddy, man. 0.99

02:14:26.000 Don't be gay. 1.00

02:14:28.000 Alright, I'm going to book here. 0.98

02:14:29.000 Check out Tylerknight's blog.

02:14:35.000 Hold on a second.

02:14:38.000 It's a really interesting story. 0.98

02:14:40.000 It's because he's a porn star, but he's a really intelligent dude and a good writer and a really fucking cool guy. 0.97

02:14:46.000 Like a really nice guy. 0.95

02:14:47.000 Rogan Bord is not accepting new people to register.

02:14:50.000 It's not?

02:14:51.000 That's what somebody's just twitted.

02:14:52.000 No, it is.

02:14:53.000 I'll accept people.

02:14:54.000 You just gotta give me a day or two.

02:14:56.000 I do it myself.

02:14:58.000 Because I don't want anybody getting crazy.

02:15:01.000 I don't want to keep track of this whole thing.

02:15:04.000 I'm gonna follow him.

02:15:06.000 There we go.

02:15:07.000 Following Tyler Knight. 1.00

02:15:09.000 My large penis friend. 1.00

02:15:13.000 I haven't seen his cock. 1.00

02:15:14.000 Alright, here it goes. 0.99

02:15:14.000 So hold on. 0.99

02:15:15.000 What nasty.

02:15:28.000 How dare you.

02:15:31.000 We're just getting started, son.

02:15:33.000 Alright, that's it.

02:15:34.000 The Tyler Knight thing.

02:15:35.000 We're going to address a few more questions and then we're going to get out.

02:15:37.000 We haven't been doing it for two hours, man.

02:15:39.000 It's only been doing it for two hours.

02:15:41.000 No, I'm just saying, I'm just running out of steam.

02:15:43.000 Where can I watch such great heights?

02:15:45.000 What are you talking about, son?

02:15:46.000 Oh, the video. 0.99

02:15:47.000 The porno video. 0.99

02:15:48.000 I'm sure you can you-porn it or something. 1.00

02:15:50.000 I mean, those fucking things are everywhere. 0.99

02:15:51.000 What I want to know about these things, about these you-porns, is how do they make money and how do porns make money now? 0.99

02:15:58.000 I mean, are a lot of people that are doing that?

02:16:00.000 Are they still filming things and paying for them?

02:16:06.000 Yeah, I think right now it's things like the Cosby Show type porn stuff where it has to be something like a gag gift almost type thing.

02:16:13.000 I wonder, man, because they're still filming a lot of them.

02:16:15.000 Derek's always working.

02:16:16.000 I wonder where, I mean, maybe websites are eventually going to start sponsoring their own porn, you know?

02:16:22.000 Well, that's why I was saying most porn stars have gone to doing their own webcam type thing.

02:16:26.000 No, but what I meant was websites getting exclusive content deals with porn stars who are filming their own porns, you know, and like people get to write in suggestions, you know, hey, I want to watch... 0.99

02:16:35.000 Jesse James sucked Lexington Steel's dick on a boat wearing a Japanese samurai outfit. 0.99

02:16:43.000 Okay, we're going to film that. 1.00

02:16:44.000 And they filmed that and put it online.

02:16:45.000 Still, I would never pay for it.

02:16:47.000 There's no reason to pay for it.

02:16:47.000 Well, you wouldn't pay for it, but if you felt like you were creating it, you know, maybe it's like one of those build-a-shoe websites where you could put your own purple stripe on your Nikes.

02:16:55.000 If you go to Ustream at night, you can find the same shit for free. 0.93

02:16:58.000 Maybe not, man. 0.99

02:17:00.000 There's a whole website devoted to that.

02:17:01.000 Maybe this is the future.

02:17:02.000 How about this? 1.00

02:17:03.000 Maybe the future is people will fuck live in front of you and you can tell them what to do. 0.99

02:17:07.000 Yeah, but they do that already. 0.99

02:17:09.000 They already do that though.

02:17:10.000 No, but I mean like hot chicks. 1.00

02:17:12.000 Yeah, I mean there's pretty good hot chicks. 1.00

02:17:13.000 Come on.

02:17:13.000 There's a lot of websites that do that.

02:17:15.000 Where girls like sit in front of the TV or sit in front of the laptop and then you go, all right, suck it, suck it. 1.00

02:17:20.000 That happens all the time. 1.00

02:17:21.000 Really?

02:17:21.000 Every day, yeah.

02:17:22.000 That's been happening for a long time.

02:17:23.000 There used to be a thing, whatever that pal talk. 1.00

02:17:25.000 This guy's a dirty pervert. 1.00

02:17:27.000 Pal talk is that. 1.00

02:17:28.000 That's all Pile Talk is. 0.99

02:17:29.000 It's people having sex. 0.99

02:17:30.000 There's people that like people to watch them have sex. 0.98

02:17:33.000 Really? 1.00

02:17:34.000 And people are just sitting there like, oh, do it in your butt. 1.00

02:17:36.000 Wow. 1.00

02:17:37.000 And they do that?

02:17:37.000 Yeah, that's been happening since AOL days.

02:17:39.000 We're going to have to get on Pile Talk.

02:17:40.000 That's the problem with having a Mac.

02:17:41.000 It's not even on Pile Talk, I don't think, anymore.

02:17:43.000 They cut it out.

02:17:43.000 Well, it's on everything now.

02:17:44.000 It's on Ustream.

02:17:45.000 It's on Justin TV. What the fuck? 1.00

02:17:47.000 Where are the links? 0.99

02:17:48.000 There's actually links.

02:17:49.000 Somebody posted a couple weeks ago. 1.00

02:17:51.000 I want to watch people fuck. 1.00

02:17:54.000 What is it about fucking that's so private? 1.00

02:17:57.000 It's funny. 1.00

02:17:58.000 It's like we want to do it so badly.

02:18:00.000 Everybody lives for it.

02:18:01.000 We all acknowledge that we all live for it.

02:18:02.000 But if anybody catches you doing it, anybody catches you engaging in that sort of pleasure, it's so intimate and revealing about you.

02:18:09.000 It's like we're so terrified of revealing things about ourselves.

02:18:12.000 And that's the big one. 1.00

02:18:13.000 It's people seeing you fuck. 1.00

02:18:14.000 People seeing, you know, you suck someone's pussy. 1.00

02:18:17.000 People seeing you fuck some girl and ever suck your dick. 1.00

02:18:19.000 Oh, crazy. 1.00

02:18:20.000 That's craziness.

02:18:21.000 You know, there's something about that, that people associate that with, like, almost like madness, you know? 1.00

02:18:26.000 Like, the people that are willing to, like, watch, you know, stand there while people watch them fuck. 1.00

02:18:30.000 Like, wow, they're crazy. 1.00

02:18:31.000 They're crazy. 0.99

02:18:31.000 Like, they can just do it, perform in front of everybody. 0.99

02:18:34.000 Like, dudes get creeped out. 1.00

02:18:35.000 But if a guy, you're at a party and everybody's having a good time, it's over your house, and this dude just goes crazy and pulls his dick out and this girl starts sucking it right at your party, you're going to be uncomfortable. 1.00

02:18:45.000 You're going to be nervous, right? 1.00

02:18:46.000 Why is that?

02:18:47.000 Because if he had a knot in his neck, it's like, ugh, my neck's killing me.

02:18:51.000 And his girlfriend was massaging him while you guys were all talking, that would be cool.

02:18:55.000 Like, oh, we're having a nice conversation, everything's cool.

02:18:57.000 She's just making him feel better. 1.00

02:18:59.000 But if he's like, let me suck my dick real quick. 1.00

02:19:01.000 How come everybody can't go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha? 1.00

02:19:03.000 Look, he's getting a pillow drop right there in front of us.

02:19:05.000 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. 0.69

02:19:06.000 No, everybody gets really freaked out.

02:19:09.000 Because it feels too good. 1.00

02:19:10.000 It's like the back rub feels good, but sucking your dick is just too crazy. 1.00

02:19:14.000 He's got his dick in our mouth right in front of everybody. 1.00

02:19:16.000 You know? 1.00

02:19:17.000 There's something about that, right?

02:19:19.000 It's weird.

02:19:20.000 Clothes are weird, too.

02:19:21.000 It's almost like... 1.00

02:19:22.000 Clothes and covering your dick, covering your pussy, is like somehow or another we've intellectualized That not only do we have to survive in all these different climates and we have to, you know, make sure that we have some stuff to cover us and keep us warm, but we also gotta slow the fuck down. 1.00

02:19:39.000 Make it tougher to fuck. 1.00

02:19:40.000 It can't just be like right there. 1.00

02:19:42.000 It can't just be dicks hanging out, pussies hanging out, cause we're just gonna fuck. 1.00

02:19:45.000 We're just gonna make too many people. 1.00

02:19:46.000 Even in like hot weather, it's totally unacceptable to walk around naked everywhere and just start fucking people at the supermarket. 0.98

02:19:52.000 But that's what would happen. 0.99

02:19:54.000 If everybody was naked, if you lived in Florida, when it's 110 degrees, you don't have to wear fucking clothes, okay? 0.99

02:19:59.000 And if there was no laws against wearing clothes and people just started walking around naked, people would fuck everywhere. 0.99

02:20:04.000 They'd be fucking in bushes and trees. 1.00

02:20:05.000 They'd fuck in the car. 1.00

02:20:07.000 There'd be chicks sucking guys dicks while they were driving. 1.00

02:20:09.000 Everywhere you looked, it would be going on. 1.00

02:20:11.000 It would be everywhere. 0.99

02:20:12.000 There would be way more crashes from getting your dick sucked driving than there would be from twittering or from texting while driving. 1.00

02:20:17.000 Or it might be the exact opposite and you're seeing people's floppy tits everywhere. 1.00

02:20:20.000 You're like, ugh, look at these. 1.00

02:20:22.000 Floppy tits everywhere. 1.00

02:20:22.000 I can't see this floppy tits. 1.00

02:20:24.000 Yeah, that'll annoy you for about a day. 1.00

02:20:26.000 And then you're going to want to get your dick sucked. 1.00

02:20:27.000 Alright, trust me. 1.00

02:20:28.000 Trust me. 1.00

02:20:29.000 Alright, you're going to fuck. 1.00

02:20:30.000 It might be creepy as fuck. 1.00

02:20:32.000 I might be at Starbucks and I'm like, God, everyone shits everywhere. 1.00

02:20:35.000 Yeah, maybe you can't handle it. 1.00

02:20:37.000 It's because the dude right next to you has got a big giant ass snake dick. 1.00

02:20:41.000 There we go. 1.00

02:20:41.000 Fucking this white woman's mouth. 1.00

02:20:43.000 Why are you trying to enjoy your latte? 1.00

02:20:45.000 It could take one 80-year-old lady tit to ruin my whole day. 1.00

02:20:49.000 Come on. 0.99

02:20:50.000 You 18-year-old lady tit. 1.00

02:20:51.000 You say that, but if Jessica Biel's naked fingering herself right next to that 80-year-old lady, you'll snap out of it. 1.00

02:20:56.000 Maybe. 0.95

02:20:57.000 You'll snap out of it.

02:20:57.000 You'll forget about that old lady.

02:20:59.000 Get out of my mind. 1.00

02:21:00.000 Maybe Jennifer Biel has a hairy asshole and is going to be like... 1.00

02:21:02.000 I don't mind. 1.00

02:21:03.000 I got a razor and I got some free time.

02:21:05.000 I don't care if she's got a hairy bottle. 1.00

02:21:07.000 I'll get in there.

02:21:07.000 I'll clean it all up.

02:21:09.000 I'll polish it down.

02:21:10.000 I'll buff it.

02:21:11.000 I'll put a little cream on it.

02:21:14.000 I'll do whatever she wants.

02:21:16.000 What, I got a shaver?

02:21:17.000 That's it? 0.90

02:21:19.000 That's kind of a weird thing that all women agree that hair is gross. 0.98

02:21:23.000 It's like, this is what we look like, goddammit. 0.97

02:21:25.000 Okay, we grow hair. 1.00

02:21:26.000 I mean, some women like this kind of shit. 1.00

02:21:28.000 They like men to have hair. 1.00

02:21:29.000 Or men having hairy chest or hairy legs. 0.98

02:21:31.000 But they all agree that women with hair is gross. 0.95

02:21:33.000 No one is all psyched up about girls being hairy. 1.00

02:21:37.000 Some like that shit, man. 1.00

02:21:38.000 Hairy feet and hairy legs and shit? 1.00

02:21:40.000 Really? 1.00

02:21:40.000 Especially hippie dudes. 1.00

02:21:42.000 Really?

02:21:43.000 You think so? 1.00

02:21:43.000 Oh, fuck yeah, man. 1.00

02:21:45.000 Well, okay, maybe. 0.99

02:21:46.000 But almost universally, I mean, there's got to be a few exceptions, but almost universally we've accepted the fact that girls' hair is not sexy, right? 0.89

02:21:53.000 Right.

02:21:53.000 I don't think so.

02:21:54.000 I think fucking hair is disgusting. 1.00

02:21:55.000 Especially when they have it on their back. 1.00

02:21:57.000 Isn't that amazing, though?

02:21:58.000 But it's amazing that we make girls take stuff off their body that grows naturally to perpetrate some new look, some new sleeker model that's coming in the future that's less monkey. 1.00

02:22:07.000 You know, that's clearly what we're trying to do. 0.98

02:22:09.000 When you're into shaved pussies and shaved legs and even when dudes shave themselves down and get all oiled up and try to look all sexy, what you're trying to do is you're trying to get as far away from the monkey as possible. 0.99

02:22:21.000 You're becoming some sleek, you know, almost like silver surfer looking thing, you know, where you're like evolving, you know, you're a form, you know, you're round and smooth and You're not hairy and fucking primitive and ape-like. 0.99

02:22:37.000 Whatever we're trying to do, that's about evolution. 1.00

02:22:41.000 We're trying to get rid of as much monkey as possible before we fuck you. 1.00

02:22:45.000 We don't want no crazy bitch that's going to go nutty and eat the babies. 1.00

02:22:48.000 We want this bitch to get rid of all the hair. 1.00

02:22:51.000 Get rid of everything. 1.00

02:22:52.000 What's this shit? 1.00

02:22:53.000 Are you going to bleach that? 1.00

02:22:53.000 Can you bleach that? 1.00

02:22:54.000 No, let's just wax that shit. 1.00

02:22:55.000 Wax it, wax it. 1.00

02:22:56.000 But I'm going to keep waxing it.

02:22:57.000 Just shave it.

02:22:58.000 We're going to get rid of it.

02:22:59.000 We're going to give you hormones. 1.00

02:23:00.000 Get rid of that.

02:23:00.000 You've got to get rid of all this.

02:23:02.000 Why is this down here?

02:23:03.000 Why do you have hair right there?

02:23:03.000 Can you wax that?

02:23:04.000 Can you wax that? 0.95

02:23:05.000 Whatever we want to do, we want to make you as less monkey as possible. 0.63

02:23:09.000 That's weird, man. 0.83

02:23:10.000 I mean, when you see a big hairy dude...

02:23:12.000 Do you remember George the Animal Steel from wrestling? 0.98

02:23:15.000 George the Animal Steel was this fucking badass pro wrestler. 0.97

02:23:17.000 And one of the things about him was he was so hairy. 0.98

02:23:20.000 I mean, it was incredible.

02:23:21.000 He was like an animal.

02:23:23.000 He really was like a monkey. 0.99

02:23:25.000 I mean, he was just this thick fucking bald dude who had just hair everywhere. 0.99

02:23:30.000 His back, his arms... 0.97

02:23:32.000 He had been in a bunch of movies, too, because he's such a character, such a unique-looking guy.

02:23:36.000 But, man, if there's anybody that ever looked more like an ape, I mean, he's so hairy.

02:23:41.000 Like, that's why his nickname worked.

02:23:43.000 I mean, if it was the same guy, but you shaved all that hair off, you couldn't call him George the Animal Steal.

02:23:48.000 It wouldn't be nearly as good. 0.99

02:23:49.000 The part that was cool was that he was a fucking gorilla, man. 1.00

02:23:53.000 It was crazy to see. 1.00

02:23:57.000 Three girls in a cup made you gag? 1.00

02:23:59.000 This is one of those guys that fucks up everything. 0.98

02:24:01.000 You know those guys that tell you a story? 1.00

02:24:04.000 Who's that fucking guy? 1.00

02:24:05.000 They hit three cups. 1.00

02:24:06.000 Five girls.

02:24:07.000 Tracy Morgan guy.

02:24:10.000 I never saw three girls, one cup.

02:24:14.000 I don't need to see that.

02:24:15.000 I saw two girls, one cup. 1.00

02:24:16.000 That was bad enough.

02:24:18.000 I'm surprisingly soft when it comes to shock sick stuff.

02:24:21.000 How dare you, Eddie Strike?

02:24:23.000 How dare you question my manhood?

02:24:25.000 Yeah, no, you're right.

02:24:26.000 You know what?

02:24:27.000 I think too much. 1.00

02:24:29.000 So when I see something really fucked up, I don't just go, eh, faggot's dead. 1.00

02:24:33.000 I think of all the different shit that led up to it and how it happened and who did it and what the fuck is going on. 1.00

02:24:39.000 Look, Dan Cook is having a live exclusive comedy show. 0.99

02:24:43.000 Oh, order.

02:24:44.000 You have to pay for it?

02:24:45.000 Whoa.

02:24:47.000 Wow, that's what they're doing now?

02:24:48.000 People are doing live shows and you pay for them?

02:24:50.000 Some people, when you're selling out theaters, there's a reason for that.

02:24:56.000 He's not selling out theaters, he's selling out arenas.

02:24:59.000 There's a reason for that.

02:25:00.000 You've got a different beast.

02:25:01.000 You've got people that are just 14 and ready to go. 0.95

02:25:06.000 Maybe it's the ejaculation at the end.

02:25:08.000 No one wants to get hit. 0.85

02:25:09.000 I don't know what that guy's talking about.

02:25:11.000 That was too long ago.

02:25:12.000 Sometimes people post something about what we were talking about five minutes ago. 0.97

02:25:15.000 We don't remember the fuck we were talking about five minutes ago. 0.98

02:25:18.000 Mr. Hands is horrific. 0.99

02:25:20.000 Yes, it is horrific.

02:25:21.000 If you haven't seen it, you must watch it.

02:25:24.000 What are my thoughts on breast implants? 0.97

02:25:26.000 Is it a ridiculous concept? 0.98

02:25:28.000 Vic NorCal. 0.98

02:25:29.000 Yeah, it is, right?

02:25:30.000 What?

02:25:30.000 Breast implants are one of the weirdest things about human beings.

02:25:33.000 It makes a girl more attractive if you stick some things under her chest. 1.00

02:25:37.000 And parts of our body are pressed forward and are larger. 0.99

02:25:41.000 I like bigger nipples.

02:25:42.000 Do you like that? 0.99

02:25:43.000 I love it.

02:25:44.000 Do you like silver dollar ones or big pointy ones?

02:25:48.000 Big silver dollar areolas.

02:25:50.000 Those are great.

02:25:51.000 God, those are awesome. 1.00

02:25:52.000 I like big tits. 1.00

02:25:53.000 I like big tits. 1.00

02:25:55.000 You know what's strange is how many people are getting butt jobs these days. 0.99

02:25:58.000 Apparently it's a real issue.

02:25:59.000 Butt job? 0.83

02:26:00.000 I have a buddy. 0.86

02:26:01.000 Do you think Coco has a butt job or do you think that's real? 0.96

02:26:03.000 No, it's real apparently. 0.75

02:26:03.000 That's awesome. 0.75

02:26:04.000 Yeah, she's always had that.

02:26:06.000 It's not like there's any pictures of her back in the day.

02:26:08.000 Right.

02:26:09.000 You know, she's just got those freak genetics. 1.00

02:26:10.000 But there was a buddy of mine and he was joking around.

02:26:15.000 He's been dating this girl for like four months. 0.88

02:26:17.000 He's joking around, would you get a butt job? 0.99

02:26:18.000 Like joking around about her ass being nice. 1.00

02:26:20.000 And she goes, actually, I did. 0.99

02:26:22.000 And he's like, what?

02:26:23.000 And it turns out, like, girls are getting them left and right. 0.93

02:26:25.000 They're getting butt implants to make their butt stick out more. 1.00

02:26:29.000 How about you just go to the gym, you fucking lazy bitches, okay? 1.00

02:26:33.000 You crazy lazy bitches. 1.00

02:26:36.000 Put some weights on your back and do some fucking squats, okay? 1.00

02:26:41.000 What, is your whole 24-hour day filled? 1.00

02:26:44.000 You can't do some of this? 1.00

02:26:45.000 Yes, you can, you lazy bitch. 1.00

02:26:47.000 Don't go to a fucking doctor's office and have them cut a hole in your snatch and stuff some fucking airbags up there. 1.00

02:26:53.000 That's ridiculous, okay? 1.00

02:26:55.000 You need to go to the fucking gym. 1.00

02:26:57.000 If you want to grow an ass, go to the fucking gym. 1.00

02:27:00.000 Jesus. 1.00

02:27:02.000 Right?

02:27:02.000 Am I right, Brian?

02:27:03.000 No.

02:27:04.000 No? 0.99

02:27:04.000 You like fake butts? 0.99

02:27:05.000 I think there's nothing wrong with the difference between fake boobs and fake butts. 1.00

02:27:08.000 I think... 1.00

02:27:08.000 You're crazy! 1.00

02:27:09.000 You're not getting the real genetics. 1.00

02:27:11.000 Let me tell you something.

02:27:12.000 It's like fake steak, okay? 1.00

02:27:15.000 Girls who have like a real juicy ass, the real wide hips, small waist, those girls are freaks, okay? 1.00

02:27:22.000 That's why guys are attracted to them. 1.00

02:27:24.000 They have so much hormones in their body.

02:27:27.000 They have so much going on. 1.00

02:27:28.000 Those girls are horny as fuck. 1.00

02:27:29.000 It's nature. 1.00

02:27:31.000 Little waist, big ass. 1.00

02:27:32.000 That's why you're attracted to them because they're the most capable of giving birth. 1.00

02:27:36.000 They have birthing hips and we find those attractive and they have enough fat on the ass to ensure that they're going to survive during the pregnancy. 1.00

02:27:43.000 We like that. 0.99

02:27:43.000 We like a little plumpness. 0.99

02:27:45.000 It's attractive to us.

02:27:48.000 That feels better.

02:27:49.000 Trust me.

02:27:50.000 Those are freaks. 1.00

02:27:51.000 Yeah, that's her real ass though. 1.00

02:27:53.000 That's her real ass. 1.00

02:27:54.000 I don't think it is. 1.00

02:27:55.000 It is! 1.00

02:27:57.000 Dude, it's her real ass. 1.00

02:27:58.000 It's been confirmed. 1.00

02:27:59.000 Scientists and the fucking Mythbusters got involved. 1.00

02:28:03.000 They know it's a real ass. 1.00

02:28:06.000 Fake tits look ridiculous. 1.00

02:28:07.000 I think IT's like, yo, we're not going to tell anybody. 1.00

02:28:09.000 Fake tits do ridiculous, but they still do look good sometimes too, man. 1.00

02:28:13.000 You know, I'm not going to lie. 1.00

02:28:14.000 I know as a human being, I know it's completely ludicrous that I find a girl more attractive because she's got these bags in her skin and they make her... 0.99

02:28:21.000 Tits hang out more. 1.00

02:28:22.000 But still, you do.

02:28:24.000 You're more attracted to the frame.

02:28:26.000 It's like there's something going on in our bodies.

02:28:29.000 There's a frequency that we try to hit physically, that men try to hit and women try to hit to make themselves attractive to the opposite sex. 0.99

02:28:37.000 And whatever the fuck it is, we try to be in it and we try to nail it. 0.99

02:28:42.000 It's being a certain weight and being healthy and smelling good. 0.99

02:28:46.000 It's also being a certain shape.

02:28:48.000 There's like women want a certain shape to men. 1.00

02:28:50.000 There's guys who get like peck implants because they can't grow.

02:28:53.000 They don't grow muscle very well, I guess.

02:28:55.000 And they try to do a lot of bench pressing.

02:28:57.000 They get lazy. 0.93

02:28:58.000 And so they just stick these plastic things in their chest and make their own boobs grow out. 1.00

02:29:03.000 And they have things for their arms too and for their calves to make their bodies look bigger. 0.96

02:29:07.000 I mean, it's all craziness.

02:29:10.000 But it's all desire to be loved.

02:29:12.000 It all comes from some weird thing we want to be...

02:29:14.000 We want to be the desirable shape that everybody's looking for.

02:29:17.000 Very strange, you know?

02:29:22.000 What else we got here?

02:29:25.000 The painting behind me, what is it?

02:29:26.000 It's not a painting, it's a photograph.

02:29:28.000 It says, an American girl in Italy in 1951, and it's by this lady, Ruth Orkin. 0.99

02:29:35.000 And she took a picture of this poor girl walking down the street, an American girl, and she's in Italy, where my ancestors are from, all those fucking savages, and they're all grabbing their dicks. 0.99

02:29:46.000 Look at this. 1.00

02:29:46.000 Look at this picture, man. 1.00

02:29:47.000 This guy's grabbing his dick, and he's making them... 1.00

02:29:51.000 That face. 1.00

02:29:52.000 And these guys are all laughing.

02:29:54.000 There's an old guy. 0.99

02:29:55.000 And he's got a fucking cigarette out here like this. 1.00

02:29:57.000 And this guy's got his pants up to his ribcage. 1.00

02:29:59.000 And they're all staring mercilessly at this one chick. 1.00

02:30:02.000 And she walks through this fucking snake pit of men. 1.00

02:30:06.000 This gauntlet of shitty dudes just hanging out in the street looking for trouble. 1.00

02:30:10.000 Looking to stick the dick in somebody. 1.00

02:30:12.000 Those people are savages. 1.00

02:30:14.000 Look at them, they got loafers on with no socks. 0.97

02:30:17.000 1951. And, you know, when people talk to you about the good old days, and, you know, you watch TV and you see Father Knows Best, and you think that's what people were really like?

02:30:24.000 No.

02:30:24.000 That's what the people on TV were really like.

02:30:26.000 This shit was still going on. 1.00

02:30:28.000 Human beings, don't get tricked. 1.00

02:30:30.000 We're not crazy.

02:30:31.000 We've always been crazy. 0.99

02:30:32.000 It's not like this generation's fucked up. 1.00

02:30:34.000 Every generation's fucked up. 0.99

02:30:35.000 So, that's why I like that picture. 0.99

02:30:37.000 And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, I think that should be it, right?

02:30:43.000 Anything else?

02:30:46.000 What about stick cam was a no-go?

02:30:48.000 What are you, a stick cam junkie fella?

02:30:49.000 Is that your favorite site?

02:30:51.000 I don't know if...

02:30:52.000 I don't know if stiff cam will be better, but Ustream seems to be pretty good.

02:30:56.000 Except right now it's frozen.

02:30:58.000 No, I just paused it.

02:30:59.000 Oh, okay.

02:31:01.000 Our upload is not as good as our downstream.

02:31:04.000 That's way more sinister than I expected.

02:31:07.000 What is sinister?

02:31:08.000 What did I say?

02:31:08.000 Alright.

02:31:14.000 Alright. 0.52

02:31:15.000 The Taliban is putting explosives in women's suicide bombers, this guy just said.

02:31:19.000 Yeah.

02:31:21.000 I did hear about that.

02:31:22.000 That's pretty nutty.

02:31:23.000 Yeah.

02:31:25.000 I don't know how they talked those chicks into it. 1.00

02:31:28.000 I heard what they're doing is they're raping women and they're getting these women and humiliating them and getting them to the point where they... 1.00

02:31:36.000 Coco's butt implants! 1.00

02:31:37.000 Oh my goodness! 0.99

02:31:38.000 This gentleman here just nailed it.

02:31:41.000 We're gonna find out if you're correct, sir, if this guy's right. 0.99

02:31:44.000 We got a fucking scandal on our hands. 0.98

02:31:46.000 And this will be another case, by the way, if it is right, of Brian being able to spot the phony. 0.99

02:31:51.000 Brian is awesome at spotting the phony. 0.99

02:31:55.000 Brian spots more fake shit on the internet than anybody I've ever met in my life. 0.99

02:31:59.000 I think that's true, right? 1.00

02:32:00.000 I think you deserve that designation. 1.00

02:32:03.000 Look at that dirty bitch. 1.00

02:32:05.000 Oh, that's her? 1.00

02:32:06.000 Yep. 1.00

02:32:06.000 Oh my god, it's a fake ass. 1.00

02:32:08.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

02:32:09.000 Oh my god. 1.00

02:32:10.000 What makes you think that was real?

02:32:11.000 Oh, wait a minute.

02:32:13.000 What makes you think that's real, really?

02:32:16.000 Oh my god.

02:32:18.000 Oh my god, it's so real.

02:32:20.000 Oh, Jesus.

02:32:23.000 Coco before butt implants. 1.00

02:32:25.000 God, she ruined a perfect ass too. 1.00

02:32:27.000 Look at her ass before implants. 1.00

02:32:29.000 It looks pretty fucking hot. 1.00

02:32:31.000 Now? 1.00

02:32:31.000 Hell yeah, it's cartoon ass. 1.00

02:32:33.000 That's like Pamela Anderson back in the day. 1.00

02:32:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:32:37.000 Now that I find out there's some bags of shit in there, no. 0.99

02:32:40.000 I'm not into it. 0.99

02:32:41.000 I like the old one. 1.00

02:32:42.000 That one's a beautiful ass. 1.00

02:32:44.000 Did you put it online? 1.00

02:32:45.000 Did you retweet that gentleman?

02:32:48.000 Did you tweet that to me, buddy? 1.00

02:32:50.000 I'll retweet that shit. 1.00

02:32:54.000 That's pretty powerful. 1.00

02:32:57.000 So it looks like Coco has a goddamn butt implant, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

02:33:01.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00

02:33:03.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:33:04.000 Is there anything sacred in this world anymore? 0.99

02:33:07.000 Hmm?

02:33:07.000 Dude, Twitter that to me, man, my friend.

02:33:10.000 Twitter that to Joe Rogan, D-O-T-N-E-T, and I'll retweet it, that Coco's butt implants thing.

02:33:16.000 Otherwise, if you can post it.

02:33:17.000 Post that link.

02:33:19.000 Post that link.

02:33:21.000 What is it?

02:33:22.000 I'll get it.

02:33:22.000 I'll do it right now.

02:33:23.000 So that's really what's important in the world, ladies and gentlemen. 0.54

02:33:33.000 We went from space to Coco's butt implants. 0.97

02:33:37.000 That's how we roll here in the Joe Rogan Podcast.

02:33:41.000 I think that's the end, ladies and gentlemen.

02:33:43.000 Brian and I are going to go get something to eat.

02:33:45.000 You hungry?

02:33:46.000 Actually, no.

02:33:47.000 I'm going to try to beat the traffic.

02:33:49.000 Alright.

02:33:50.000 Producer Jill Scott, you can't leave me.

02:33:52.000 I don't know who that is.

02:33:53.000 I'm happy.

02:33:54.000 I'm happy I don't know who that is.

02:33:55.000 Ladies and gentlemen, I've been inundated by human beings and information.

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 03, 2010

Joe Rogan Experience #7 - Brian Redban

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript