The Joe Rogan Experience - November 24, 2015


Joe Rogan Experience #727 - Bill Burr

Topics
old muscle cars apocalypse vehicle football stand-up comedy Netflix specials chimpanzee behavior torture slap fights sam kinnison Jay Leno's cars Bullet old truck Cash Cab flying over ocean
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Bill Burr
Mentioned
Dude Jesus Christ Jay Leno Tony Hinchcliffe Sam Kinison Ralph Lauren Bill Parcells Eddie Griffin Rodney Dangerfield Donald Trump Kevin James Bill Cosby Don King Lenny Steve McQueen Jeff Apotheca Kevin Farrell Carl LeBeau Mike Pierce Ben Bailey and 113 more
Joe Rogan Experience #726 - Josh Zepps Joe Rogan Experience - Fight Companion - November 28, 2015

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 32 minutes

Words per minute

206.87

Word count

31,496

Sentence count

3,560

Harmful content

Misogyny

70

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,398

sentences flagged

Hate speech

69

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Bill Burr is a comedian, chef, writer, podcaster, and all-around great dude. We talk about how he got started in comedy and cooking, and how he's one of the best cooks in the whole wide world. We also talk about what it's like to be a chef on the Food Network and what it was like growing up in the 90s and early 00s, and why the food network is a waste of space. And we talk about some of our favorite chefs of all-time, from Mario Puzo to Guy Fieri to George St. Pierre. It's a jam-packed episode that you don't want to miss! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Music on this episode was written, produced, and performed by Zapsplat. We are working on transcribing this episode and putting it on a website. Please don't forget to rate, review, subscribe, and subscribe to our other episodes! If you like what you hear, please consider rating, reviewing, and/or subscribe to this podcast by clicking the link below. It helps us spread the word about what we are doing! Thank you for all the love, support, and support us! Cheers! -Jon Sorrentino. Jon & Matt. Timestamps: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 34. 35. 36. 37. Intro Music: Theme Song: Theme Music: "Goodbye" by Skynyrd (feat. & Other Music by Jeff Perla (featuring: "I'm Too Effing Goodbye" by Squeen ) & "Good Morning, Good Morning, My Name by ) & (Feat. ) by Suneaters Music by and . & ) Music by Ian Dorsch ( ) & ( ) & (Goodbye, My Girl ( ) .

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Porch Room on his show.
00:00:03.000 And we're live.
00:00:04.000 This is what I love about Bill Burr.
00:00:06.000 You're not like a regular comedian. 1.00
00:00:08.000 I mean, you're a great comic, but you do shit. 1.00
00:00:11.000 You do a lot of shit. 1.00
00:00:12.000 You don't just sit around and get lazy and fuck off. 1.00
00:00:15.000 C-A-D-D. You make cakes. 1.00
00:00:18.000 You made pie.
00:00:19.000 Homemade pie from scratch.
00:00:21.000 Bill Burr brought in pumpkin pie that I can't wait to dig into. 0.96
00:00:24.000 It smells fucking fantastic. 0.93
00:00:26.000 That's a pumpkin pie, that's a cream pie, and an apple pie. 0.99
00:00:29.000 It really smells fucking awesome. 0.53
00:00:31.000 Oh yeah, it's a butter-based crust. 0.90
00:00:33.000 I switched over.
00:00:36.000 I switched over.
00:00:38.000 I used to, my parents, the one that we grew up on was shortening, like Crisco.
00:00:43.000 Right. 0.65
00:00:43.000 And I thought it had too much salt in it and stuff, so when I bought the big green egg, Which is this insane thing that it's impossible to fuck up on. 0.65
00:00:51.000 Yeah, I'm actually learning how to smoke me.
00:00:53.000 This guy's been helping me out, and I've just been on the road, so I'm going to try starting back up again this month.
00:00:59.000 But I came with this giant cookbook. 0.54
00:01:02.000 I made this turkey pot pie and everything that tasted fucking insane. 0.97
00:01:05.000 From scratch? 0.96
00:01:05.000 Yeah, but the crust, the one from the big green egg is the recipe that I use, which is two scoops of flour, an eighth of a teaspoon of salt, and then it's like a whole stick of butter. 0.96
00:01:15.000 And then there's a little bit of shortening, like the Crisco shit in there.
00:01:18.000 So it's not like... 0.97
00:01:19.000 Mine was too greasy, too salty. 0.97
00:01:22.000 This one is like that flaky, fucking awesome crust. 0.97
00:01:26.000 Yeah, it's the best. 0.99
00:01:28.000 So you're like a chef.
00:01:30.000 You're like actively cooking.
00:01:31.000 It's like a regular thing for you.
00:01:32.000 More of a baker.
00:01:32.000 Oh, Bill Baker.
00:01:33.000 Yeah.
00:01:34.000 Yeah.
00:01:35.000 I like it.
00:01:36.000 I like degrees of difficulty, and I actually learned a lot back when the Food Network was awesome.
00:01:43.000 The Food Network is going on the same trajectory that MTV went on.
00:01:47.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
00:01:48.000 It started off MTV, it was music videos, and then now I don't even know what the fuck it is. 0.98
00:01:52.000 It's teenage pregnancy. 0.96
00:01:53.000 There's no music on it anymore.
00:01:55.000 The Food Network used to be top chefs teaching you how to cook.
00:01:59.000 Now it's a lot of just, you know, they're fighting, they're competing with each other.
00:02:03.000 Like, I don't even know what goes on in this.
00:02:05.000 And it's a lot more personality-driven.
00:02:08.000 Like that diner's driving and dives guy.
00:02:11.000 You know what I mean?
00:02:12.000 I don't know what that is.
00:02:13.000 What is that?
00:02:13.000 He just, you know, he drives around to these greasy spoons and he lets you know what's up.
00:02:19.000 But dude, the guy's restaurants get horrific fucking reviews. 0.99
00:02:23.000 One of the most epic slams of any fucking restaurant that opened was... 1.00
00:02:28.000 Oh, Guy Fieri. 0.99
00:02:29.000 Yeah.
00:02:30.000 Yeah, that guy.
00:02:30.000 Yeah, that guy.
00:02:31.000 So they went more in that direction.
00:02:33.000 They went from guys just knowing how to cook to Guy Fieri.
00:02:37.000 He's got a look.
00:02:38.000 He's got bleach blonde hair.
00:02:39.000 He wears his sunglasses backwards.
00:02:40.000 We have him drive around in the car. 0.92
00:02:42.000 I'm not really shitting on the guy, but they went more like that. 0.87
00:02:46.000 And they tried to... 0.97
00:02:48.000 Oh, and this is...
00:02:49.000 Okay, so Rachel Ray pops up. 1.00
00:02:51.000 Okay, we've got to find another one of those.
00:02:52.000 It was really sad to watch, because I used to just watch...
00:02:56.000 Molto Mario was my favorite, and he would just be in a kitchen...
00:03:00.000 And he would just...
00:03:01.000 I don't know who's any of these people.
00:03:03.000 I heard of the Guy Fieri guy.
00:03:04.000 I met him.
00:03:05.000 Mario Vitale?
00:03:05.000 No.
00:03:05.000 He's a beast.
00:03:06.000 Really? 0.99
00:03:07.000 Oh, he's a beast. 0.94
00:03:08.000 He's a cooking beast.
00:03:09.000 Dude, this guy would be like...
00:03:10.000 I'm trying to compare him to a fighter.
00:03:12.000 Jon Jones?
00:03:12.000 He'd be like someone who held the belt for a while, you know what I mean?
00:03:15.000 Like the Anderson Silva of cooking?
00:03:17.000 I would say that, or maybe J.P. What is the name?
00:03:20.000 I'm not good with the fighters.
00:03:21.000 George St. Pierre?
00:03:21.000 George St. Pierre, yeah.
00:03:23.000 The GSP of cooking, wow.
00:03:24.000 Although he was early on, so I think maybe he's more like those guys when it was literally Taekwondo versus a boxer.
00:03:30.000 He came on early.
00:03:32.000 There he is.
00:03:33.000 That's the guy?
00:03:34.000 Yeah, so it's an unfortunate picture.
00:03:38.000 It's just to highlight his mole.
00:03:40.000 Yeah, he's...
00:03:42.000 So he used to have the show Molto Mario, and it was just him in his kitchen.
00:03:46.000 It was him in his kitchen, and he'd...
00:03:49.000 Oh, God.
00:03:49.000 He needs somebody to take better pictures, though.
00:03:52.000 The sausage around the neck's a great look.
00:03:54.000 Yeah, it's supposed to look like a scarf.
00:03:55.000 I don't know.
00:03:56.000 So he would just have people over in his kitchen, and he would make authentic, from scratch, just Italian meals.
00:04:01.000 And he went over to Italy, learned how to cook.
00:04:03.000 He can tell you about all the different parts of Italy and the rivalries that they have over there with their food. 0.99
00:04:08.000 That's why Italians are the greatest fucking cookers ever, because, like... 1.00
00:04:11.000 They get upset with shit like sauces and stuff the way other people kill each other over like their football team. 1.00
00:04:18.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
00:04:18.000 Like they just don't... 0.99
00:04:19.000 Oh, this part doesn't do it right.
00:04:21.000 This is the way we do it.
00:04:22.000 And I learned...
00:04:24.000 I just watched him making these meals and it would be like he would...
00:04:27.000 Each little part of the meal would have like three or four ingredients...
00:04:31.000 And then, however, he was getting it going, and then it would all come together. 0.99
00:04:35.000 And he would just be shooting the shit, talking about Italy, as he made his friends a meal. 0.99
00:04:39.000 Which is the greatest thing you could ever fucking do. 1.00
00:04:41.000 It was cook for somebody, I think. 0.98
00:04:42.000 One of the greatest.
00:04:44.000 So it was just a simple show.
00:04:45.000 I used to come on at like noontime. 0.99
00:04:47.000 I watched it every fucking day. 0.98
00:04:49.000 I would wake up after doing spots late at the cellar and all that. 0.99
00:04:53.000 I mean, Rebecca, I was living with like... 0.97
00:04:54.000 It was after I lived with Bobby Kelly, but, you know, we'd stay out late and shit. 0.98
00:04:58.000 And I would sleep till like fucking 11 and I would wake up and rather than watching like The Price is Right or some shit, I would just pop that on and I don't know, just watching him was interesting and then I learned, I just learned how to cook, you know, making fucking pasta from scratch, 0.98
00:05:16.000 his well method. 0.98
00:05:17.000 You make pasta from scratch?
00:05:18.000 It's not hard, dude.
00:05:19.000 Really?
00:05:20.000 So you do the flour, the eggs, everything? 1.00
00:05:22.000 All it is, it's having the balls to just allow yourself to fuck it up. 0.99
00:05:26.000 Going like, I'm gonna fuck this up. 0.99
00:05:28.000 Like, I made a key lime pie and I fucked it up because they want a little bit of the, I think it's called the rind, which is just a little bit like the zest of the lime. 0.89
00:05:37.000 And I didn't know what I was doing and I went too deep and I got to the white part and that's when it gets bitter and it fucked the whole pie up. 0.99
00:05:44.000 So I was like, ah, fuck it. 1.00
00:05:45.000 I had to throw the thing out. 1.00
00:05:46.000 But then, you know, You know, it's anything. 0.99
00:05:48.000 You just fuck it up and then fix it. 0.90
00:05:50.000 It's like, if I had the time, you know, I would learn how to rebuild an engine on a car. 1.00
00:05:55.000 I love watching those fucking shows. 0.99
00:05:57.000 And I've always thought, you know, I'm going to buy like a fucking 82 Chevy Citation. 1.00
00:06:02.000 Ha ha ha! 1.00
00:06:03.000 Just some fucking hunk of shit. 1.00
00:06:05.000 Start with that. 1.00
00:06:06.000 Yeah, well, just because I don't give a fuck about it, and you can screw up on that.
00:06:10.000 Like, I try to learn how to rebuild a carburetor, and rather than doing the one on my truck, the 68 F100, I bought the same carburetor off of eBay that was fixed, and I just took it apart. 0.93
00:06:21.000 And then try putting it back together.
00:06:23.000 I fucked it up. 0.90
00:06:24.000 That's still something that bugs me. 0.92
00:06:25.000 It's sitting in my garage, like, in pieces, but like...
00:06:28.000 Now, do you take lessons, or do you just try to figure it out on your own?
00:06:30.000 Dude, YouTube.
00:06:31.000 Just YouTube?
00:06:32.000 YouTube. 0.97
00:06:32.000 Drum lessons, I take those, but like, YouTube and shit, like, there's certain things. 0.97
00:06:37.000 Like, I would take a cooking class or something, but with my fucking ADD, like, the internet is perfect. 0.99
00:06:43.000 You can shut it off when you want. 0.98
00:06:44.000 Yeah, I can read about the Illuminati, and then I'm learning how to make a pie, and then I'm watching a bear fight an eagle. 0.99
00:06:50.000 Just like, fucking the internet was made for fucking ADD psychos like me, and I just would literally just fly through all of that stuff. 0.99
00:07:02.000 I've learned to, like, I didn't think I had ADD, then my wife said I had it, and then there was that whole, well, should you fucking... 0.99
00:07:11.000 We're good to go. 0.99
00:07:15.000 We're good to go. 1.00
00:07:31.000 You know, hobbies and shit ends up informing, like, characters and shit or points of view and stuff like, you know, like shit I used to buy into that, you know, the flyover states, people down the south, down south are dumb, all that stupid shit that people on the coast thing. 1.00
00:07:44.000 And then you go there, you're like, wait a minute, these people are fucking cool. 0.99
00:07:47.000 They're doing different things. 0.82
00:07:48.000 So that's how I got into, like, barbecue and smoking and stuff.
00:07:53.000 So, like, when I go on the road, I try to do that when in Rome thing.
00:07:56.000 It's different now than I think when we were kids.
00:07:58.000 When we were kids, I think that was more applicable, but the internet has informed more people and sort of educated people in a way.
00:08:05.000 There's cool people everywhere now.
00:08:07.000 Yeah, but it also, it depends on how you use any information you get.
00:08:12.000 Like, if you just wanted to reinforce it, like the joke I always do in my act is everybody just goes to I'mRight.com and just reads a bunch of facts and then just throws it at people.
00:08:21.000 But, I mean, I'm guilty of that too, but...
00:08:24.000 I don't know.
00:08:25.000 I have faith, but like watching the kinds of people that have been coming out of the woodwork in this latest election, you know, a couple of those guys, like watching...
00:08:36.000 Ted Cruz? 0.98
00:08:38.000 No, just watching like, I would say, what's his face there, Donald Trump, the way he bullies the media and what pussies they are, how they just back down, they really just back down. 1.00
00:08:49.000 All you gotta do, every now and then you just gotta give him shit back. 1.00
00:08:52.000 He just gives them shit, and they just fucking sit there and take it. 1.00
00:08:55.000 At first it was funny to me, because I used to love watching... 1.00
00:08:59.000 Bill Parcells was one of my favorites to watch when he would do...
00:09:04.000 Coach of the Giants and Patriots, Cowboys, a bunch of places he was at.
00:09:08.000 But he would... 1.00
00:09:09.000 In his press conferences, if you asked him a stupid question, he would tear your fucking head off... 1.00
00:09:16.000 In such a perfect way that everybody else in the room was like, oh shit, I'm not asking him this one. 1.00
00:09:20.000 I gotta make sure I'm on my game. 0.90
00:09:22.000 And he took charge of it because I... That's one of the ones where I'm rooting for the guy. 0.99
00:09:27.000 Because I feel like this is a bunch of nerds who maybe they played varsity fucking baseball. 0.94
00:09:33.000 The way they come at him, like, well, why'd you do this? 0.99
00:09:36.000 Now that they know the result was something bad. 0.99
00:09:38.000 I like when he's giving them shit, but like... 1.00
00:09:41.000 I just, you know, some of the shit that, just watching him, I like that he's going back at him, but the way that they just are backing off him, like, oh, I didn't know he was going to make me look stupid. 1.00
00:09:52.000 They just, like, implode. 0.99
00:09:53.000 Like, he sat there and went, it was fucking hilarious. 0.97
00:09:55.000 He was in that first Republican debate. 0.99
00:09:57.000 They were going, you said this about women, you said that about women, you said this about women.
00:10:01.000 He goes, nah, he goes, I said that about Rosie O'Donnell. 0.66
00:10:04.000 And it got a huge laugh.
00:10:06.000 She goes, no, you said that about other blah, blah, blah, blah, other women. 1.00
00:10:08.000 And he just goes, hey, you're probably right.
00:10:12.000 And then that was it.
00:10:13.000 And it just went away.
00:10:14.000 And I think, like, he's really—it's fascinating.
00:10:18.000 He's, like, exposing, you know, that—I don't know.
00:10:23.000 It's like that Wizard of Oz thing, that there's just a little guy behind—they just have the one question, and they're waiting for you to stammer.
00:10:29.000 And if you kind of throw the—hit the ball back in their court— I just don't think they're ready for it.
00:10:34.000 They're not ready for that kind of a personality.
00:10:36.000 In politics, I don't. 0.99
00:10:38.000 But like, some of the racist people and shit, you know, whatever the fuck was going on in that conference room, I'm not saying the black dude was 100% in the right. 0.99
00:10:46.000 What are you talking about? 1.00
00:10:47.000 This guy went there and started yelling some shit at Trump. 1.00
00:10:50.000 He heckled him. 0.99
00:10:51.000 And, you know, When did this happen?
00:10:54.000 I don't know.
00:10:54.000 Do you know about this, Jamie?
00:10:55.000 Yeah, and shit went sideways, and then the next thing you know, there's a bunch of, you know, eight white people on top of the black dude, or whatever, so I don't know. 0.98
00:11:02.000 Really? 0.99
00:11:03.000 I don't know what happened.
00:11:04.000 I don't know what happened, but all I know is the quote that I read on this site was, you know, was the politician guy there, Trump, going like, well, you know, maybe he should have got roughed up.
00:11:13.000 It's just like, Jesus, dude.
00:11:15.000 Jesus, this sounds like I'm watching a mob movie.
00:11:18.000 It's really weird.
00:11:19.000 So Trump was saying maybe the guy should have got roughed up?
00:11:22.000 I think too.
00:11:22.000 Like I said, I got ADD. I was on like 20 different sites.
00:11:25.000 I think I have ADD too.
00:11:27.000 It was like clickbait.
00:11:28.000 Like I was probably, you know, I don't know.
00:11:31.000 Here it is.
00:11:31.000 Yeah.
00:11:32.000 Donald Trump on his Black Lives Matter heckler.
00:11:34.000 Maybe he should have been roughed up.
00:11:38.000 But, you know, Black Lives Matter, this movement is so strange. 1.00
00:11:43.000 They interrupt shit and scream things. 0.99
00:11:46.000 Like, you saw what happened in Dartmouth in New Hampshire. 1.00
00:11:49.000 They walked through a study hall while these kids were studying.
00:11:51.000 They just started screaming Black Lives Matter, Black Lives Matter.
00:11:54.000 Everybody's quiet in study hall.
00:11:55.000 Just they're studying.
00:11:56.000 Annoying people?
00:11:57.000 Yeah.
00:11:58.000 That's the lowest level of...
00:12:00.000 Trying to get attention. 1.00
00:12:02.000 Yeah, and not having people want to hear what the fuck you have to say. 0.99
00:12:07.000 Is it just going and annoy the shit out of somebody? 0.99
00:12:09.000 It's like those people when they ride the bikes, like a thousand of them get together and they blow through lights.
00:12:13.000 That's going to be like, you know what?
00:12:14.000 There should be a bike lane out here. 0.68
00:12:16.000 I just think I wish I had a bus and I could run over all of you.
00:12:19.000 Right? 0.88
00:12:20.000 Which is why, you know...
00:12:24.000 I don't know.
00:12:24.000 I look at those terrorist acts.
00:12:26.000 I would think that a lot of the complaints, legitimate complaints, that being oppressed, their natural resources are being pulled out of their countries and they're not getting the money for it. 1.00
00:12:36.000 But to then blow up innocent people, go in and shoot them, it kills your fucking message. 0.98
00:12:42.000 What you really need is a documentary by some bleeding heart person. 1.00
00:12:46.000 I think would do way more than a dirty bomb or whatever the fuck it is they're trying to achieve because it just makes you think like... 0.79
00:12:54.000 No matter what their point is, it's just like, yeah, but how could you do that? 0.99
00:12:57.000 Yeah, I think what their point, what they're trying to do, if I had a guess, is they're trying to get people to not like any Muslims, to hate Muslims, because there's like 1.6 billion Muslims.
00:13:07.000 If they can make it about Muslims and not just about ISIS, or just about one terrorist group, and separate people to the point where everyone is just attacking people that are of Islamic faith, then they have a holy war. 0.86
00:13:21.000 I think that's ultimately... 0.99
00:13:23.000 Yeah, and you can make a ton of fucking... 0.99
00:13:25.000 There's a very few people who can make a ton of fucking money off of it. 1.00
00:13:27.000 There's a ton of money, and they're also fucking crazy. 0.99
00:13:29.000 I mean, it's not just money. 0.99
00:13:31.000 It's ideology.
00:13:32.000 They're trying to dominate parts of the world.
00:13:34.000 I mean, money's definitely a big part of it, but...
00:13:36.000 Did you see that documentary on Scientology?
00:13:39.000 Yes.
00:13:40.000 Amazing. 0.97
00:13:41.000 Yeah, and I watched it and I was just like, if you can't see your own religion in this, if you don't see the beginning of your own religion in this, the only thing that fucks Scientology is this video of the dude. 0.90
00:13:53.000 He just started it too late. 0.96
00:13:55.000 If that guy started it in like, I don't know, 1800s, they'd still give him shit because it'd be a newer one. 0.99
00:14:00.000 But the fact that there wouldn't have been video of this fucked up teeth looking redheaded dude on some broken down boat... 0.97
00:14:10.000 Like, if there wasn't video of that, like, I think people could really see... 0.98
00:14:15.000 I mean, dude, my background, my religion, I mean, the shit that we have done, it's like everything that they're saying that every Muslim is doing right now, it's like, well, we've done that in spades. 0.92
00:14:26.000 And it wasn't a couple of extremists, it was the leaders... 0.99
00:14:31.000 Of the religion, you know? 1.00
00:14:34.000 Crusades, the Inquisition, the fucking pedophilia. 1.00
00:14:37.000 Dude, they were in bed with the Nazis. 1.00
00:14:39.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:14:40.000 You know, when Jews went to find, like, where the hell, took my riding lawnmower or whatever, they went up at the fucking Vatican. 1.00
00:14:46.000 Like, some of their shit was there. 1.00
00:14:48.000 Oh, were those yours? 1.00
00:14:50.000 Sorry!
00:14:51.000 Yeah, they were on both sides.
00:14:53.000 They were just like, listen, I don't know how this is going to shake out.
00:14:56.000 A lot of people in Europe were like that.
00:14:58.000 They've always done that.
00:15:00.000 Look at the cars that Germans make. 1.00
00:15:02.000 You've got to think they're going to win.
00:15:04.000 There's just not enough of them.
00:15:06.000 It's just too small an island or too small a country. 0.99
00:15:08.000 If it was a big country like the United States and they made shit like that, it would be pretty impressive. 0.98
00:15:12.000 One of my favorite quotes from a German general said, One Tiger tank was worth four American Sherman tanks, but the Americans always had five. 0.98
00:15:22.000 That's a great quote.
00:15:22.000 That's what it was.
00:15:23.000 It was fucking McDonald's. 0.99
00:15:24.000 We were just cranking them out. 1.00
00:15:26.000 Like fucking quarter pounders with cheese. 0.99
00:15:29.000 It is crazy when you think about the fact like Audi, Mercedes, BMW. Like BMW used to make jet engines. 1.00
00:15:35.000 Yeah, and that technology was in their tanks. 0.99
00:15:38.000 Dude, when I was, I mean, the shit I've been reading is like when American soldiers killed somebody German, they dropped the American gun and picked up the German. 0.99
00:15:46.000 Really? 0.99
00:15:47.000 Yeah, like our machine guns, I guess, overheated or there's, I don't know, you know.
00:15:52.000 Come on, man.
00:15:52.000 You like cars.
00:15:53.000 Engineering.
00:15:54.000 You know how it is.
00:15:54.000 I mean, we got the Corvette.
00:15:56.000 We got a couple, but most of them are kind of a Monte Carlo.
00:16:00.000 Yeah, we have, like, old muscle cars.
00:16:02.000 What I like is, I like the old muscle cars because of the way they look and the way they sound, but the way they drive.
00:16:07.000 If you took, like, a 1980s Porsche, or even a 70s, you could take, like, a 1973 Porsche, like a 1973 911. They handle pretty fucking good.
00:16:17.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:16:17.000 Pretty goddamn good. 0.99
00:16:19.000 I mean, not like a new car, but pretty good. 0.97
00:16:21.000 You know what the American excuse is?
00:16:24.000 Is we had all this land so we could have straight roads. 0.98
00:16:27.000 What they had over there, dude, those were like the original cow paths when they were bringing fucking provisions to town. 0.99
00:16:33.000 And they just paved over them, basically. 0.89
00:16:36.000 And then all of a sudden, how do we go 200 miles an hour on this?
00:16:39.000 That's why, you know, Formula One has right and left turns.
00:16:41.000 Best we'll do is just drive in a circle over here.
00:16:44.000 I love it, dude.
00:16:46.000 The more I travel, the funnier we are. 0.97
00:16:50.000 We're fucking loud. 1.00
00:16:51.000 We got a lot of shit. 1.00
00:16:53.000 But we're not bad. 1.00
00:16:54.000 They try to make us seem like we're bad, but we're not.
00:16:56.000 We just are a product of where we're from.
00:16:59.000 And who's kidding who, man?
00:17:00.000 Is it any more fun than just stomping on the gas?
00:17:04.000 200 miles an hour in a straight line.
00:17:06.000 Well, finally the cars they're making today, like the new Z28 or the new Camaros, the new Corvettes, the new Mustangs, they actually handle.
00:17:14.000 The Cadillacs.
00:17:15.000 The new Cadillacs are great.
00:17:16.000 Well, so much of it was the suspension. 0.96
00:17:18.000 Once we actually put some money, because all we would do is just be like, what the fuck can this thing hold in this engine bay? 0.98
00:17:26.000 Which automatically is stupid because you're adding weight there. 0.99
00:17:28.000 But we would just stick, as far as I've seen, we would just stick that in there and it was all about doing the quarter mile or something like that blowing somebody off at a fucking red light. 0.98
00:17:37.000 Even as recently as the 2013 GT500 Shelby, I think it was like a 60-40 weight balance.
00:17:43.000 Like 60% front end because it was all engine.
00:17:46.000 It's so out of balance.
00:17:47.000 Now that's a bad thing because I don't know cars.
00:17:50.000 Yeah, they plow. 0.98
00:17:50.000 It's like, if you want any, you really would like 50-50. 0.98
00:17:55.000 50-50 is ideal. 0.93
00:17:57.000 Porsche puts the engine in the rear, but they do that for traction, because the engine sits over the back wheels, and it helps you get off the line faster, and it helps you when you're going around corners to hit corners faster.
00:18:09.000 Jamie, can you make some tea? 0.98
00:18:10.000 What the fuck is going on with my throat? 0.99
00:18:12.000 But when you go around corners, it helps you get on the gas quicker, because there's more traction. 0.99
00:18:18.000 Oh.
00:18:18.000 And there's like a pendulum effect too with having the weight in the back that you could actually use and manipulate.
00:18:22.000 The guys who know how to drive Porsches really well, they know how to manipulate that so they actually steer with the throttle.
00:18:28.000 So as they're turning, they hit the gas and the ass end kicks out and it changes the angle of the turn.
00:18:34.000 That's cool.
00:18:34.000 Yeah, really badass drivers know how to manipulate it.
00:18:37.000 So once again, thank God Germany was such a small country. 1.00
00:18:40.000 I know, right?
00:18:41.000 Did you see that Norman Donald joke?
00:18:43.000 No.
00:18:43.000 I think he did it on Letterman.
00:18:45.000 Well, I forget how it went, but it was just something to the effect that Germany, how small they were, like they were basically the size of the state of Maine, and they tried to take over the world, and he goes, and they almost did it. 0.96
00:18:58.000 That's just fucking like, yeah, they almost did it.
00:19:02.000 It is amazing that one country produced so much engineering. 0.99
00:19:05.000 The automotive engineering that came out of that one spot.
00:19:08.000 To this day, the biggest car companies in the world, Porsche, Mercedes, Audi, BMW, all those are German.
00:19:15.000 That's phenomenal.
00:19:16.000 We raided their secrets afterwards.
00:19:18.000 Everything from audio tape to our NASA program was riddled.
00:19:23.000 Operation Paperclip.
00:19:24.000 A lot of sauerkraut on that paper.
00:19:26.000 Well, not just ours.
00:19:27.000 The Russians, too.
00:19:29.000 They took a lot of the engineers from Nazi Germany, too.
00:19:32.000 Oh, they did?
00:19:32.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:19:33.000 There was like a battle between their Nazis and our Nazis. 0.96
00:19:37.000 That's filthy.
00:19:37.000 Operation Paperclip.
00:19:38.000 There was like more than a hundred Nazi scientists they took over. 1.00
00:19:42.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.97
00:19:43.000 The whole Nazi, like, Werner von Braun, the guy who ran NASA, the Simon Wiesenthal Center said that if he was alive today, they would prosecute him for crimes against humanity. 1.00
00:19:53.000 He was a fucking straight-up Nazi. 0.99
00:19:55.000 Oh, he was? 1.00
00:19:56.000 Yeah, he hung Jews. 0.97
00:19:57.000 He hung the five slowest Jews in front of his rocket factory in Berlin. 0.98
00:20:01.000 The five slowest workers. 0.99
00:20:02.000 They would just hang them. 0.99
00:20:03.000 No, wait... 1.00
00:20:06.000 So this guy could build rockets, and he was also into that shit? 1.00
00:20:10.000 Because I always felt like with Germany, it was like, you're the scientist, you're under this flag, so you've got to work with these guys who are going to kill you. 1.00
00:20:17.000 I didn't know that you could actually be an egghead like that. 0.78
00:20:20.000 Usually scientists, they understand that human beings are human.
00:20:23.000 You know what I mean?
00:20:24.000 Well, he might have just complied so that he could get his rocket factory going and have the funds and have all the necessary...
00:20:32.000 Have all the tools and all that jazz.
00:20:34.000 I don't know exactly, you know, how he did it, but he was a Nazi. 0.70
00:20:39.000 I mean, why he was a Nazi is up to debate.
00:20:43.000 Jesus Christ.
00:20:44.000 Yeah.
00:20:44.000 How do you get out of that?
00:20:45.000 It's a good question.
00:20:46.000 Because you can't say no, you gotta run away.
00:20:48.000 Well, they set up a couple.
00:20:50.000 Can we just do four?
00:20:51.000 Is four cool?
00:20:53.000 They try to talk them down like...
00:20:55.000 Just one.
00:20:56.000 One guy's enough.
00:20:58.000 Oh, man.
00:20:59.000 Yeah.
00:21:00.000 I mean, obviously he was a brilliant scientist, but they got a lot of brilliant scientists they brought over from Germany.
00:21:09.000 Germany's never going to shake that one off. 0.93
00:21:11.000 That's another one.
00:21:13.000 It's on two things.
00:21:16.000 It's on video.
00:21:18.000 There's video documentation of it, and that country still exists.
00:21:23.000 You know what I mean?
00:21:24.000 They won't have Scientology.
00:21:25.000 They won't let Scientology in.
00:21:26.000 It's illegal in Germany.
00:21:28.000 Why?
00:21:28.000 Because of what happened to them.
00:21:30.000 They're nervous about people starting movements.
00:21:33.000 Oh, okay. 0.98
00:21:34.000 So any kind of cults, any kind of mind control shit, anything that looks nutty, they're like, not here, pal. 0.99
00:21:40.000 Not here, pal. 0.98
00:21:41.000 No deadheads or people following Dave Matthews.
00:21:43.000 Too much organization.
00:21:46.000 No fish.
00:21:46.000 Fish concert.
00:21:47.000 Yeah.
00:21:49.000 Fish was one that I never got.
00:21:50.000 Did you ever try to listen to that?
00:21:53.000 Yeah, I did.
00:21:54.000 I had young ears when I did, so I'd have to go back and listen to it. 0.98
00:21:58.000 I was coming right out of hair metal, just starting to accept grunge, and then I went to this fucking jam band. 0.97
00:22:03.000 I did see them. 0.99
00:22:06.000 Live. 0.99
00:22:07.000 How the fuck did I end up seeing? 0.98
00:22:08.000 I saw them at the old Boston Garden because it was... 0.99
00:22:11.000 WBCN had this thing where they had two stages going and they just had all these, like every fucking band, like the Spin Doctors and just all of these guys and then Phish closed it.
00:22:23.000 I forget who I wanted to see though.
00:22:25.000 It wasn't either one of those bands.
00:22:26.000 It was somebody else. 0.97
00:22:27.000 It was a long fucking time ago. 0.98
00:22:30.000 I remember seeing them, and the crowd was going fucking nuts, and they had these little workout trampolines. 0.98
00:22:35.000 They were jumping up and down on them as they played really long songs. 0.95
00:22:41.000 That's what I remember.
00:22:42.000 Really long songs.
00:22:43.000 But I bet if I listened to them now, I could maybe get my head around it.
00:22:48.000 But that was definitely...
00:22:49.000 That's the Grateful Dead did that too, right?
00:22:52.000 They had those really long jam songs.
00:22:53.000 They just go on and on.
00:22:55.000 Yeah, you had to go see them live to get it if you were someone like...
00:22:59.000 I went and I saw them at Sullivan Stadium and I saw them right before their keyboardist OD'd.
00:23:04.000 Like literally two months before that.
00:23:06.000 And I remember going there and I was sort of into the music, but watching how much they were connecting with the people there.
00:23:11.000 I actually...
00:23:12.000 It's like, I get this.
00:23:14.000 I get why people could get sucked into this, because what was cool was there was a ton of people there, but there was no violence vibe there.
00:23:23.000 There wasn't like, oh, hey, watch out for that guy.
00:23:25.000 Everybody was just really fucking cool and going nuts and was beyond excited that they were there.
00:23:31.000 But once again, it wasn't really for me. 0.97
00:23:33.000 But wasn't everybody on acid?
00:23:35.000 That's the whole thing about those things, that everybody's tripping.
00:23:37.000 I mean, I think it's available.
00:23:39.000 I don't think literally everybody, but there's a lot of people.
00:23:41.000 Yeah, but whatever drugs they were doing, I mean...
00:23:43.000 I had a cousin that followed him around when I was out of high school.
00:23:47.000 I guess she went to college for a little bit, and then her and her boyfriend just traveled around.
00:23:51.000 They had a VW bus, one of those buses, you know, little vans.
00:23:54.000 And out of the back of the van, they would sell scrambled eggs.
00:23:57.000 They would, like, buy groceries and make bacon and eggs and sell them to people that were coming in.
00:24:04.000 That was her gig.
00:24:05.000 She would travel around the country.
00:24:07.000 There's a beauty in that simplicity, but I think after a while you want to...
00:24:12.000 Like, dude, I got to take a shower.
00:24:15.000 I just want to be in a house, man.
00:24:18.000 Can't keep swimming in the lake.
00:24:19.000 Or sleeping up in the roof of the VW, right?
00:24:23.000 The camper.
00:24:24.000 The camper special?
00:24:25.000 I'm fascinated by those things because I'm thinking about putting together an apocalypse vehicle.
00:24:30.000 Like a Toyota Land Cruiser that has one of those tents on the roof.
00:24:33.000 You ever seen those things?
00:24:34.000 They have these tents.
00:24:35.000 They pack down to just a few inches.
00:24:38.000 They're like six or seven inches high.
00:24:40.000 Like not even.
00:24:41.000 Maybe six inches high.
00:24:43.000 And you unzip them and then unfold them and they come with a ladder.
00:24:48.000 So there's a platform on the top and the platform folds over and doubles out and extends out to the side of the truck.
00:24:54.000 And then you climb up the ladder into these tents.
00:24:58.000 I would tell you that if the apocalypse happens and you're in LA, your vehicle is useless.
00:25:05.000 Other than to hide behind when people shoot at you. 0.99
00:25:08.000 Because, you know, you can't get out of this fucking place even when it's working. 0.99
00:25:11.000 Yeah, you gotta get out. 0.99
00:25:12.000 That's why I did the helicopter thing.
00:25:14.000 That's a smart move, man.
00:25:15.000 That helicopter thing.
00:25:16.000 That's another thing you do.
00:25:17.000 Like, you're involved with so many different things.
00:25:20.000 I love that you do that because it reminds me of me in a lot of ways, and that's one of the reasons why I think I probably have ADD too. 0.96
00:25:27.000 I have to be doing a bunch of different shit. 0.92
00:25:29.000 If I'm not, I kind of get crazy. 0.97
00:25:32.000 But I haven't gotten to the point where I'm baking pies yet.
00:25:35.000 Oh, you've got to do that.
00:25:36.000 Well, you know what?
00:25:36.000 The holidays were awesome when I was growing up, so I moved so far away from everybody I know that, you know, I just got all the recipes, so I was like, I want to know how to make this.
00:25:47.000 I want to know how to pass it on.
00:25:48.000 It's not hard.
00:25:48.000 The filling isn't hard.
00:25:49.000 The thing is, is the crust.
00:25:51.000 You've got to get that down and just, you know, you make two, three of them, you know, it doesn't take that long, dude.
00:25:57.000 I'm not a bright guy.
00:25:58.000 I've done some smoking.
00:26:00.000 I've done some smoking.
00:26:01.000 I smoked a ham.
00:26:02.000 I smoked two hams.
00:26:03.000 I brine them.
00:26:04.000 Did you do it on the egg?
00:26:06.000 I did one of them.
00:26:07.000 No, both of them I've done at Electric Smokers.
00:26:09.000 But one of them I did on this, I think it's a Weber.
00:26:13.000 I forget who makes it.
00:26:14.000 Weber!
00:26:15.000 But the last one that I did.
00:26:17.000 Sorry.
00:26:18.000 Why'd you do that?
00:26:19.000 I just, the Boston accent.
00:26:20.000 I just, I have to do it every once in a while.
00:26:22.000 The last one I did, I got a pellet grill.
00:26:24.000 Have you ever used a pellet grill?
00:26:26.000 No.
00:26:26.000 That's the easiest way to smoke.
00:26:28.000 What it is, is that they use pellets.
00:26:29.000 And the pellets are like, say if you were making this desk, when you saw the wood, they take the sawdust and they compress it.
00:26:35.000 And the natural sugars in the wood, there's no additives.
00:26:38.000 You know how they get those charcoal briquettes and they light real easy? 0.97
00:26:40.000 It's because they're fucking soaked with chemicals and they smell funny. 0.97
00:26:44.000 Oh, that's the flavor. 0.99
00:26:45.000 That's the flavor.
00:26:46.000 Cancer coming right up, honey.
00:26:47.000 Now to you, Parker.
00:26:49.000 But those sawdust pellets, when they compress the sawdust, it looks like little cylinders.
00:26:54.000 And they sit in a hopper.
00:26:56.000 And then the hopper feeds down into this worm drive, and the worm drive puts it into an element.
00:27:02.000 And the element heats it up, and it turns into fire.
00:27:05.000 So it's burning wood.
00:27:07.000 It's just burning wood.
00:27:08.000 And it keeps it at the exact temperature.
00:27:10.000 It just varies one or two degrees up or down.
00:27:12.000 So you know, if you're using the green egg, you've got to adjust the openings, the baffles.
00:27:16.000 Yeah, but the green egg holds its temperature tremendously.
00:27:21.000 Yeah, it does.
00:27:23.000 Now, how's the taste on that thing?
00:27:25.000 Delicious.
00:27:25.000 It tastes awesome because it's just wood.
00:27:27.000 It's just fire and wood.
00:27:28.000 But I'm saying, is it comparable to some?
00:27:29.000 Because you've said that you can do it in everything but an actual smoker.
00:27:33.000 Yeah.
00:27:34.000 No, I've done it.
00:27:35.000 I've done it.
00:27:36.000 I have a Kamado, which is real similar to the green egg.
00:27:39.000 And I never smoked a ham in there, but I've smoked chicken in there, which is nice.
00:27:43.000 Tastes great.
00:27:44.000 You know, just slow cook a chicken, like at, you know, 200, 200 degrees, 250. And just, you know, have some wood burning, a little charcoal as well.
00:27:52.000 I just realized, is this only interesting to us? 0.99
00:27:54.000 Like, we're fucking disappearing down this rabbit hole. 0.81
00:27:57.000 And then what do you do? 0.99
00:27:59.000 No!
00:28:00.000 I'm interested in things that people are interested in. 0.87
00:28:02.000 Like, when I hear you talk about helicopter, being a helicopter pilot, I've never wanted to fucking fly a helicopter until I hear you talking about it. 0.74
00:28:08.000 I'm like, oh, that sounds badass. 0.87
00:28:10.000 I never wanted to make a fucking pie crust until I hear someone like you who's into it, and then I get into it. 0.95
00:28:16.000 I mean, that's how I am with things. 0.98
00:28:17.000 I think comics are like that, though.
00:28:19.000 Yeah.
00:28:20.000 You have to be kind of...
00:28:21.000 I think the best comic, you gotta be... 0.99
00:28:23.000 You have to have a general interest in shit. 0.99
00:28:26.000 You can't be like, I'm into this, this, and this, and then that's fucking it. 1.00
00:28:29.000 And then your act's gonna look like that. 0.99
00:28:30.000 You're gonna have like two, three fucking subjects. 0.98
00:28:33.000 You're gonna dry up like, ah, I can't come up with a new hour. 0.99
00:28:36.000 It's like, because you're not challenging yourself.
00:28:39.000 You gotta go out and try something new. 0.95
00:28:41.000 You try something new, you're gonna fuck it up, you're gonna feel stupid, and then you're gonna get a story, you're gonna get something out of it, so... 0.99
00:28:49.000 Yeah, I drive my wife a little nuts with the... 1.00
00:28:52.000 I'm trying to learn how to fucking relax a little bit more, but I can't like... 0.99
00:28:56.000 Dude, she watches that Bravo TV, man. 0.98
00:28:58.000 Oh my God.
00:28:59.000 Oh, like Housewives? 1.00
00:29:01.000 Kardashians, the whole fucking thing, dude. 1.00
00:29:03.000 Your wife's smart. 1.00
00:29:03.000 Why does she watch that? 1.00
00:29:04.000 I literally say that to her.
00:29:08.000 No, but she... 1.00
00:29:10.000 My wife either watches this sickest shit ever on TV. Like, who's that scientist guy? 1.00
00:29:18.000 The African-American guy? 0.67
00:29:20.000 Neil deGrasse Tyson?
00:29:21.000 Oh, my God.
00:29:22.000 Yeah.
00:29:22.000 Dude, that guy is, like, terrifying.
00:29:24.000 He's so fucking smart. 1.00
00:29:25.000 Just listen to the shit that he... 1.00
00:29:27.000 I was watching it the other day, and I believe we all came from the trees. 1.00
00:29:30.000 It's crazy, right?
00:29:32.000 What do you mean you believe we came from...
00:29:33.000 Because he was saying, like, people were saying we came from the oceans and blah, blah. 0.89
00:29:37.000 He had this whole theory that, you know, the, whatever, the fucking trees grew first, and we came out of that, and we're all... 0.97
00:29:42.000 Dude, and they're doing all the special effects, and then he fucking zooms in on you. 0.98
00:29:46.000 It's like one of those things where... 0.98
00:29:47.000 I feel like, yeah, like I ate a pot cookie.
00:29:50.000 Too big a pot cookie when I watched that guy.
00:29:52.000 But she'll either watch that type of stuff, or like Fargo, like really good...
00:29:58.000 Or... 1.00
00:29:58.000 Shit. 1.00
00:29:59.000 She just wants to veg out. 1.00
00:30:01.000 So how I... Make my peace with it. 0.98
00:30:04.000 I'm like, this is just as dumb as me watching every Bruins game or every Patriots game. 0.97
00:30:10.000 That's a good point. 0.99
00:30:10.000 And getting like emotionally like hating Rex Ryan on some level. 0.99
00:30:16.000 He's the coach of the Buffalo Bills.
00:30:17.000 I don't know the guy. 0.99
00:30:18.000 I'm sure if I hung out with him, he'd be a fucking great guy. 0.99
00:30:21.000 We'd be laughing our balls off. 1.00
00:30:22.000 But it's because he coaches this fucking team that plays my team that I get nothing from. 1.00
00:30:28.000 Other than, you know, fucking having a heart attack every game. 1.00
00:30:31.000 It's really, you think, why do I give a shit to this level? 0.99
00:30:34.000 I do love sports, so I just think it's fucking badass. 0.99
00:30:37.000 No, I listen to your podcast. 0.99
00:30:38.000 You fucking love sports. 0.99
00:30:39.000 I do. 1.00
00:30:40.000 You go off.
00:30:40.000 Sometimes I have to fast forward to see when you're done talking about the Patriots.
00:30:44.000 I know.
00:30:46.000 Well, sometimes that'll be 15 minutes.
00:30:48.000 But I get it, because I, you know, I'm obviously obsessed with MMA, so I get it.
00:30:53.000 I just don't follow regular, I just don't have enough time.
00:30:56.000 I just know that if I got into sports, like if I got into football, and I had a buddy of mine try to get me into football, he watched an awesome Super Bowl game once, and I was like, wow, this is amazing.
00:31:04.000 I don't have the time. 0.99
00:31:05.000 I don't have the time to follow all the games and pay attention to all the shit. 0.99
00:31:08.000 That's what I always ask people when they go, I'm not into sport. 0.99
00:31:11.000 I'm like, Jesus, I go, what do you do with all your free time?
00:31:13.000 Because the amount of time that I spend, You know, just looking at the standings, seeing who's doing what, and then it makes me think back when I was a kid, I gotta look up this player, and then I gotta see, like, all-time... 0.98
00:31:27.000 I'm big on numbers and shit.
00:31:29.000 I love that about the internet, that you can look up, like, the all-time leading pass rushers or quarterbacks or something, and then they'll have highlighted the guys who are still playing, and he's like, oh, this guy's, like, 100 yards away from passing this guy. 0.98
00:31:40.000 Let me watch the game and see if they bring it up. 0.90
00:31:42.000 That he just passed fucking slinging Sammy Baugh.
00:31:45.000 Have you ever thought about doing commentary? 0.99
00:31:47.000 Would you do commentary?
00:31:49.000 You know a lot about football.
00:31:50.000 I would do it on my own.
00:31:52.000 I would do it on my own because the thing about it is...
00:31:58.000 It's a corporation.
00:32:01.000 As much as you're enjoying the sport, like the NBA, NFL, NHL is a corporation.
00:32:04.000 And then no matter how you slice it, you're in the cubicle.
00:32:08.000 And I can't be saying certain things.
00:32:13.000 I have that same problem with the UFC, but I've been around for so long, I kind of get away with it in some sort of a weird way, but probably not forever.
00:32:21.000 It's probably going to come a point in time.
00:32:22.000 You're great at it, though.
00:32:23.000 But you don't say anything crazy.
00:32:24.000 Not during the show.
00:32:26.000 Not during the fights, but sometimes outside the fights, I'll talk about...
00:32:31.000 Fighters or fights or things and I'll say something ridiculous because, you know, especially like Tony Hinchcliffe and I got in trouble recently because we were talking about this woman Chris Cyborg.
00:32:42.000 Do you know who Chris Cyborg is?
00:32:43.000 No, great name though.
00:32:44.000 Very masculine, very muscular female fighter, excellent fighter, but she's been caught using performance-enhancing drugs. 1.00
00:32:52.000 She got caught using male hormones and Dana White was talking about roasting fighters on my podcast. 0.90
00:32:59.000 He wanted to set up a roast, and I said, look, Tony Hinchcliffe's the guy.
00:33:02.000 He's awesome at roasts.
00:33:03.000 I go, I'm not good at it.
00:33:05.000 It's not my thing, but he's great at it.
00:33:07.000 I go, you should roast Cyborg.
00:33:09.000 That would be the first one.
00:33:10.000 And he goes, I don't know where to start. 1.00
00:33:11.000 I go, her dick. 1.00
00:33:13.000 Like, that's where you would start. 0.99
00:33:14.000 And then Tony went into this whole thing about, and then she got mad, and she's upset at us now, and she says we're bullying, and...
00:33:22.000 See, it's a problem.
00:33:23.000 No, because you're a Philly.
00:33:26.000 Yeah, and then they also know them and their people and stuff.
00:33:28.000 That's another thing, too.
00:33:29.000 It's like, you know, one of the fun things in the podcast is I don't know any of these guys.
00:33:33.000 Exactly.
00:33:34.000 I don't get paid by these guys.
00:33:35.000 Well, I heard your Conor McGregor rant.
00:33:37.000 Yeah.
00:33:37.000 That was awesome.
00:33:41.000 I just felt that that guy, he earned coming out.
00:33:44.000 I know he fucking dropped his hands a little bit, but I just felt like he was doing alright for a guy that had the short thing. 0.98
00:33:50.000 I was not shitting on Conor McGregor. 0.98
00:33:53.000 The guy's obviously a great fighter. 0.76
00:33:54.000 No, but it's funny, though.
00:33:55.000 It's funny.
00:33:55.000 I said the Burger King-looking guy came out.
00:33:58.000 And attack Barney Rubble.
00:34:00.000 Yeah.
00:34:00.000 No, but there's something funny about that, like, uninformed sort of thing.
00:34:06.000 That's Joey Diaz's whole thing.
00:34:07.000 Yeah.
00:34:08.000 He always gets the names wrong.
00:34:10.000 Yeah, so I got into this business to not have a job. 0.99
00:34:14.000 I've done one gig where I actually wrote for a fucking comedian that was going to go out and do the monologue fucking thing. 0.98
00:34:25.000 Oh, really? 0.99
00:34:26.000 And it was just fucking, it was weird. 0.99
00:34:28.000 It would just be like, okay, the monologue's a little weak here. 0.99
00:34:31.000 We need more jokes about corn. 0.99
00:34:33.000 Hey, Bill, go in the room and write, give me 10 jokes about, like, whatever, about fucking... 0.98
00:34:38.000 How long ago was this? 0.97
00:34:40.000 Five, six years ago.
00:34:41.000 Who are you writing for?
00:34:42.000 Do you remember?
00:34:42.000 I don't know how to name names, but I just got into this...
00:34:45.000 I was writing for something very funny.
00:34:47.000 I did it like two years in a row, and it just became like...
00:34:50.000 A job.
00:34:52.000 What am I doing here?
00:34:53.000 And I have a tremendous amount of respect for writers now that they can...
00:34:58.000 I mean, that is like...
00:35:01.000 I remember a long time ago when Mr. Show was on the first time seeing Bob Odenkirk on stage and he was like towards the end of like the fifth season or whatever they did and he was coming in just fried from the writer's room and he was riffing about how...
00:35:16.000 He goes, you know what I do during the day?
00:35:18.000 He goes, I mind comedy.
00:35:20.000 I strip mind comedy. 1.00
00:35:22.000 You just feel like he was just like, just sitting there, like, you know, those fucking shows do. 1.00
00:35:27.000 When you start getting like 70 episodes in, you're like, fuck, now what do we do? 1.00
00:35:31.000 And you're just sitting around trying to think of something. 0.99
00:35:34.000 Um...
00:35:35.000 Don't you feel like that with stand-up sometimes?
00:35:37.000 Because you put out a new hour every year and a half or so.
00:35:41.000 Every two years I'll do a special or so.
00:35:43.000 Maybe a little bit more.
00:35:44.000 I do it in a nice, relaxed clip.
00:35:48.000 What Louis does is astounding to me.
00:35:52.000 Or back when Richard Pryor did that for a number of years, he put out an hour...
00:35:57.000 Like, four hours out in six years or something.
00:36:00.000 Carlin did it every year of his life.
00:36:01.000 Every year of his life, he put out a new hour.
00:36:03.000 Yeah, I mean, it was...
00:36:04.000 Yeah, that's astounding to me.
00:36:05.000 And Louie's the craziest because he did it while he's producing a show.
00:36:08.000 Writing, acting, directing. 0.99
00:36:10.000 Yeah, and on a high-quality, one of the funniest shows on fucking TV. And editing it! 0.98
00:36:13.000 He was editing it!
00:36:14.000 He was involved every step of the way.
00:36:17.000 No. 0.96
00:36:17.000 I would have a gun in my mouth. 0.96
00:36:19.000 I could never sit in a fucking editing room. 1.00
00:36:22.000 I can't do it. 0.99
00:36:23.000 So with the show that I have coming out, I actually was in the writer's room probably 90% of the time.
00:36:32.000 I just sat there.
00:36:33.000 Pitching jokes and all that type of stuff.
00:36:35.000 And, like, the work ethic of those guys.
00:36:38.000 Like, we'd start getting up to 5 o'clock and we'd get to the last page of the script and I'd be like, oh, thank Christ.
00:36:43.000 Alright, let's go.
00:36:44.000 Let's just read through it one more time.
00:36:46.000 Just see what we did.
00:36:47.000 See how it flows.
00:36:47.000 And I would literally be like...
00:36:49.000 No!
00:36:49.000 And it's your show.
00:36:50.000 Yeah, I'm just like, oh my god, how do these guys do this?
00:36:53.000 And then I would fucking come in the next day and the co-creator of the show, Mike Price from The Simpsons, who's just an absolute force.
00:37:00.000 And he's a sweetheart of a guy. 0.97
00:37:03.000 Um...
00:37:05.000 Yeah, I was looking at the script last night and I kind of switched a few things around.
00:37:08.000 I was like, how do you do that? 0.87
00:37:11.000 I come home and I just fucking pour a scotch and I stare at the fucking wall and watch a little ESPN and I fall asleep and then we're right back at it again. 0.96
00:37:21.000 It really takes a certain type of... 0.99
00:37:24.000 Like, you know, this guy's a comedian, or this guy's an athlete.
00:37:28.000 The top-level writers and showrunners, like Mike Price, they literally... 1.00
00:37:36.000 You look at the guy, it's like, you're born to do this shit, so... 0.99
00:37:41.000 It's a lot harder than people think it is. 1.00
00:37:43.000 It's a lot more work, a lot more concentration, a lot more effort.
00:37:46.000 And like you said, the hours.
00:37:48.000 The hours, the crazy thing.
00:37:49.000 Those guys work insane hours.
00:37:51.000 When you get it done and it doesn't work and you gotta start pulling it apart, it's just like...
00:37:56.000 And everybody's feeling it.
00:37:58.000 Everybody's like on edge. 1.00
00:37:59.000 Like, ah, fuck, here we go. 0.99
00:38:01.000 Well, right when you were done, when you were done filming, you came to the store and you were hanging out in the back and we were talking about it and you were like, I feel like, you know, I love doing it. 0.99
00:38:09.000 It's going to be hilarious. 0.97
00:38:11.000 But fuck, I could have been working on it. 0.99
00:38:13.000 You know, I could have had 10 new minutes over the time I've been doing this. 0.99
00:38:16.000 Oh, I don't know.
00:38:17.000 That was a different thing.
00:38:19.000 That was a different project.
00:38:20.000 It was?
00:38:21.000 Yeah, no, it wasn't the...
00:38:22.000 It wasn't the cartoon?
00:38:24.000 No, it wasn't the animated thing.
00:38:25.000 No, the animated thing was definitely...
00:38:30.000 Like, from start to finish, I mean, it took us a long time, and it was definitely tedious points of it, but it was fucking awesome.
00:38:35.000 When we were in the writer's room, as difficult as it was, was we laughed our asses off, like, every fucking hour, because it was perfect.
00:38:42.000 Netflix was just like, like, their network notes were push it further. 0.93
00:38:46.000 Really?
00:38:47.000 Oh, dude, it was a dream. 0.99
00:38:48.000 It was all the shit we used to talk about. 0.98
00:38:49.000 I haven't even mentioned the name of the show. 0.99
00:38:50.000 The name of the show is F is for Family.
00:38:52.000 It's a new cartoon coming out December 18th on Netflix.
00:38:55.000 And, um...
00:38:56.000 The trailer looks awesome.
00:38:57.000 Let's play the trailer.
00:38:58.000 Can we play the trailer?
00:39:00.000 Can we?
00:39:00.000 They're not going to pause.
00:39:02.000 Netflix isn't going to pause.
00:39:03.000 Well, is that going to work as far as...
00:39:06.000 Don't they need the visual, too?
00:39:08.000 Well, the people watching on YouTube will get the visual, which is a lot of people, but the people that are watching or listening to it, only listening, they will be inspired to go watch the video.
00:39:19.000 Oh, all right.
00:39:20.000 Okay.
00:39:20.000 Now that they know.
00:39:21.000 ...can drive, but when I have to, I drink White House beer.
00:39:25.000 White House beer.
00:39:27.000 The one draft you won't want to dodge.
00:39:29.000 I was watching that.
00:39:31.000 No, you weren't.
00:39:31.000 And now you're not.
00:39:34.000 Can you hold down the fort while I'm gone?
00:39:36.000 You're just gonna leave me alone with these animals?
00:39:38.000 You leave them with me.
00:39:39.000 But that's our deal.
00:39:40.000 You know what you were getting into when you let me get into you? 0.96
00:39:42.000 Gross! 0.98
00:39:45.000 Kids, don't bother your mom today. 0.97
00:39:46.000 She's busy with a little hobby.
00:39:48.000 It's a job!
00:39:49.000 Yes, fine.
00:39:50.000 Good job.
00:39:51.000 I'll make dinner.
00:39:52.000 Salisbury steak or pork medley? 1.00
00:39:54.000 Oh, not that shit again. 1.00
00:39:55.000 What was that? 1.00
00:39:56.000 Yummy!
00:39:57.000 Hey, grab me a cold one out of the cooler.
00:39:59.000 You're up, little man.
00:40:00.000 Hold the wheel.
00:40:02.000 Jeez, I wish I had me for it, Dad.
00:40:06.000 I'll be right back.
00:40:07.000 You stay here. 1.00
00:40:08.000 Do not move your ass from this spot. 1.00
00:40:09.000 You understand me, Einstein? 1.00
00:40:12.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:40:17.000 Remember the test you took? 1.00
00:40:19.000 Are you an abusive parent?
00:40:21.000 Ah, you know what? 1.00
00:40:22.000 These fucking hippies. 1.00
00:40:23.000 Christ, they're running around naked, soiling each other. 1.00
00:40:26.000 You're gonna tell me how to be a good parent? 1.00
00:40:28.000 Jesus Christ, why don't you put your goddamn clothes on? 1.00
00:40:30.000 Wait, Frank, focus! 1.00
00:40:37.000 Ooh! 0.96
00:40:40.000 Ooh! 0.96
00:40:42.000 No son of mine is gonna flunk out.
00:40:44.000 I hate school.
00:40:44.000 I hate my life, but I keep on doing it.
00:40:48.000 There's no girl astronauts. 1.00
00:40:52.000 Or vampires.
00:40:53.000 Women will be astronauts in the future, sweetie. 1.00
00:40:56.000 So, why do you lie to the girl?
00:40:59.000 Victor?
00:40:59.000 You two know each other?
00:41:01.000 He was my special after-school helper.
00:41:03.000 Remember how he cleaned the kitchen? 1.00
00:41:06.000 Yeah, you fucked the shit out of me. 1.00
00:41:11.000 I'm putting you in charge of your sister today. 1.00
00:41:13.000 You got that?
00:41:13.000 Yep.
00:41:14.000 Okay, if anything bad happens to her, I will come right home and I will put you through that fucking wall. 1.00
00:41:19.000 Have a great day, princess. 1.00
00:41:27.000 It's weird seeing a guy, like a character, with your voice.
00:41:31.000 It's like it's you, but it's supposed to be your dad?
00:41:35.000 Is that supposed to be your dad?
00:41:35.000 No, it's an amalgam of everybody's dads in the writers room.
00:41:39.000 I mean, certain things, certain catchphrases, like, I'll put you through that fucking wall. 0.99
00:41:43.000 My dad used to say that, man. 1.00
00:41:45.000 My mom used to say, I'll break your fucking legs. 1.00
00:41:47.000 Yeah, put you through the fucking wall. 1.00
00:41:48.000 Yeah, it was back then where you... 1.00
00:41:49.000 People talk to their kids that way. 1.00
00:41:51.000 Dude, I remember just how much shit has changed. 0.99
00:41:53.000 I remember one time my mother was driving, and my two little brothers were just acting up, and she just had had it. 1.00
00:42:01.000 She goes, I swear to God, if you guys don't shut up, I'm going to pull over, and I'm spanking your bare asses right on the side of the road. 1.00
00:42:06.000 And they kept testing. 1.00
00:42:08.000 Dude, she fucking pulled over, and she did it. 1.00
00:42:10.000 And people were driving by just blowing their horns, laughing. 1.00
00:42:14.000 They thought it was funny.
00:42:15.000 They just like...
00:42:16.000 They were immediately like, wow, those kids really irritated their mom.
00:42:19.000 It wasn't like, you know, there wasn't cell phones. 0.99
00:42:22.000 Yeah, and take the kids away and give them to the state and shit. 1.00
00:42:25.000 So, yeah, it takes place in like 1973. And let me read some of the names here.
00:42:28.000 So, Laura Derns plays my wife.
00:42:31.000 Dave Koechner's in it.
00:42:32.000 Justin Long.
00:42:33.000 Kevin Farley.
00:42:34.000 Joe Buck.
00:42:35.000 Phil Henry.
00:42:36.000 Haley Reinhardt.
00:42:37.000 Mo Collins.
00:42:38.000 Sam Rockwell.
00:42:39.000 Gary Cole.
00:42:40.000 Did I say him?
00:42:40.000 We got a whole bunch of people that came on...
00:42:43.000 To do it.
00:42:44.000 So what's cool is it's serialized.
00:42:46.000 So like one episode leads into the next one, which I was against.
00:42:49.000 And Netflix is like, no, trust us, trust us.
00:42:51.000 And then the second we started writing towards an overall arc, it just took it to a whole nother level.
00:42:57.000 And it was another brilliant idea by Netflix.
00:43:00.000 They've just been awesome to work with. 0.99
00:43:02.000 They're fucking killing it. 1.00
00:43:04.000 They are just killing it. 1.00
00:43:05.000 They're killing it with comedy specials.
00:43:06.000 They're killing it with series.
00:43:08.000 It's just like, it's amazing what they've been able to do.
00:43:11.000 Well, I think that they...
00:43:13.000 Where everybody kind of got caught flat-footed, they saw what it could be.
00:43:20.000 It'd be like Dane when MySpace first came out.
00:43:22.000 He saw the potential before everybody else, I feel.
00:43:26.000 He just got it. 0.83
00:43:28.000 I think he was actually doing shit on other sites before there was even MySpace, from what I heard.
00:43:33.000 I feel like Netflix, in a lot of ways, those people that get... 0.67
00:43:37.000 They'd say Jimmy Fallon. 0.57
00:43:40.000 Jimmy Fallon gets what's going online, and that's why all that stuff he has his guests do and all that shit, because he knows it's going to go viral. 0.96
00:43:47.000 So he gets him on TV, and if he doesn't get him on TV, then it goes on the internet, and all of his clips get fucking 10 zillion hits.
00:43:57.000 But there's certain people, as early on as we're... 0.96
00:44:01.000 You know the TV and the computer are all just going to become the same fucking thing. 0.96
00:44:05.000 Yeah, it's inevitable now. 0.94
00:44:06.000 Yeah, so it's the people that kind of...
00:44:10.000 I get it, I guess, is the only way I can put it.
00:44:13.000 They can see where the herd is going.
00:44:15.000 They took chances a long time ago, too.
00:44:17.000 I did a Netflix special in 2005. That was one of the first ones they did.
00:44:23.000 I would think so.
00:44:24.000 I didn't even hear it.
00:44:25.000 That's back when they used to deliver the movies to you, right?
00:44:28.000 Yeah.
00:44:29.000 Yeah.
00:44:29.000 You would get them in the mail or something like that.
00:44:32.000 Yeah.
00:44:32.000 Hilarious.
00:44:33.000 They're doing so much shit now. 1.00
00:44:35.000 They have that Marco Polo thing that's about the Mongols. 1.00
00:44:39.000 You ever watch that series?
00:44:40.000 I didn't see that one. 1.00
00:44:41.000 Fucking expensive. 0.99
00:44:42.000 I don't know how much they spend on it, but it's a period piece, and it's all these elaborate sets and incredible fucking acting. 0.99
00:44:50.000 They've done so much. 0.72
00:44:52.000 And the beautiful thing about Netflix is when a series comes out, you can binge watch.
00:44:56.000 Right away. 0.99
00:44:57.000 So December 8th, when this comes out, you can watch the whole fucking series. 0.99
00:45:02.000 Right. 0.99
00:45:02.000 And they timed it because they think young kids are going to like it. 0.99
00:45:05.000 They're like, well, let's wait till they're out of college.
00:45:07.000 Yeah.
00:45:07.000 Wait till they're home a few days.
00:45:08.000 Their parents are driving nuts.
00:45:10.000 They just want to go to the room, sit down and watch something.
00:45:13.000 That's perfect.
00:45:13.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:45:13.000 That's perfect.
00:45:15.000 They're really smart.
00:45:16.000 And then I think the first one I did with them was my first special.
00:45:21.000 And I remember it aired...
00:45:23.000 On like Comedy Central and did okay.
00:45:26.000 And then, you know, it gets thrown into their mountain of specials.
00:45:28.000 You never know when they're going to show it again.
00:45:30.000 Yeah.
00:45:30.000 Where Netflix, it was like on Netflix.
00:45:33.000 So if you saw it, you could tell your friend at work.
00:45:36.000 And then it was just like, you know, I just...
00:45:39.000 I saw them. 0.97
00:45:40.000 I was like, wow, these guys, it's almost like they've taken the best shit from YouTube and put it all in one place, you know what I mean? 0.98
00:45:47.000 But you can actually watch it because they take down so many movies and shit and comedy specials from YouTube. 0.97
00:45:52.000 And what was great was that was right then when I was starting to go to Europe and they were just starting to go to Europe. 0.82
00:45:57.000 So...
00:45:58.000 I was like half a step ahead as far as my, where initially, where I was, where I would do stand-up.
00:46:05.000 It always felt like right after I left, the next time I came, they would be there.
00:46:08.000 And then like two years later, it flipped where I would be getting there right after they got there.
00:46:15.000 And then that's when my ticket sales really started going up when I went overseas.
00:46:21.000 This show, when we were finishing them, they were dubbing them into a zillion different languages.
00:46:28.000 There's a clip of it all in Russian already. 0.98
00:46:31.000 It's fucking nuts. 0.97
00:46:33.000 Did you see a big bump when you did your Netflix special? 1.00
00:46:36.000 A big bump in ticket sales?
00:46:37.000 Yeah.
00:46:39.000 I definitely did.
00:46:40.000 And the thing about it is, but like most things, it's like you just don't get on Netflix and then that automatically means that's gonna happen.
00:46:47.000 It's the combination.
00:46:48.000 It's like if you deliver an hour that's gonna connect With people that watch Netflix, it's going to be on there.
00:46:56.000 And then it's going to start moving up and get to that front page.
00:46:59.000 And then, yeah, when that happens, that's when you definitely see a bump.
00:47:04.000 And then if you just keep coming out with good hours, hopefully you can hang on to them.
00:47:09.000 Yeah, that's what Segura said.
00:47:11.000 Segura said it had a huge impact.
00:47:13.000 As soon as he put his first special on, just boom!
00:47:16.000 Everything just took off.
00:47:17.000 Double, triple.
00:47:18.000 Now he's doing theaters.
00:47:19.000 It just made a big impact for him.
00:47:22.000 And then a year plus later, he just recorded a second one.
00:47:25.000 So he's getting ready to release that now.
00:47:27.000 Yeah, but the thing is though, Tom's also a monster common. 0.87
00:47:33.000 So there's a lot of people, you know, back in the day, like the MySpace thing, I hate to keep going back to that, but everybody's like, well, I'll get on MySpace and then I'll sell out fucking the forum.
00:47:41.000 And it's just like, well, you're not that person.
00:47:44.000 You know what I mean?
00:47:45.000 You don't have like, whatever.
00:47:47.000 Yeah, you have to have everything. 0.98
00:47:49.000 You have to have a whole bunch of shit going on at the same time. 0.97
00:47:52.000 But also, Tom's got a great work ethic. 0.99
00:47:54.000 Which you do too. 0.99
00:47:56.000 He's always working on new shit, and you are too. 0.98
00:47:59.000 I think that's one of the most important things for a comedian, is just to constantly be working on stuff. 0.99
00:48:03.000 We all know, especially where we came from, guys would develop an act, and they had that fucking act locked down for decades. 0.98
00:48:10.000 And if you're doing that then, when you go home, your hobby's getting more attention, or if you don't even have a fucking hobby at that point, if you basically have your life down, like I live here and I drive here, and this is the jokes I tell, and then I come home, you're just waiting to die. 1.00
00:48:25.000 I think it fucks with your brain. 1.00
00:48:28.000 I think your brain just turns to mush. 1.00
00:48:32.000 Is this something you read about, or is this just your instincts?
00:48:36.000 No, this is all figuring out...
00:48:38.000 Your own mind.
00:48:41.000 Yeah, how it works.
00:48:41.000 Because I feel like when you get into this business, as much as people can give you advice, you have to figure out how you create.
00:48:49.000 What works for you?
00:48:50.000 Because I used to get into brutal writer's block, and I didn't know how to get myself out of it.
00:48:55.000 And what I do now is I know these tricks that I use that fuck with my brain and open it up rather than close it down. 0.82
00:49:02.000 And basically what it is is like, all right... 0.97
00:49:04.000 I just don't have anything new to say.
00:49:06.000 I'm just going to improv on all my existing material, and I'm going to try to expand it as much as I can. 0.92
00:49:13.000 So then this old fucking thing that was weighing me down becomes, you know, it's like you crack the window. 0.90
00:49:19.000 It becomes a little fresh air comes in there, and it's really... 0.99
00:49:23.000 You know, how your mind works is really, you know, the vibe. 0.97
00:49:27.000 Like, dude, if I was in here and it didn't have all these fucking antlers, lava lamps, and the mummies, there's a vibe in this room. 0.96
00:49:35.000 But if you just had overhead fucking lighting and we were sitting at some horrible table, you get at Staples and it was just a tuba, it would affect the vibe. 0.97
00:49:43.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:49:44.000 Yeah, no, I agree.
00:49:45.000 If we never addressed it. 0.99
00:49:46.000 Maybe we could riff on how fucking sterile it was. 0.98
00:49:48.000 But so, like, mentally, you do the same thing. 0.98
00:49:52.000 Rather than sitting there at that fucking, you know, when I'm a writer's block, that's what I feel like. 0.93
00:49:56.000 I feel like I'm sitting in, like, that overhead lighting, and it's just, it's horrible. 0.98
00:49:59.000 So you just...
00:50:01.000 Do you go on stage with like a half idea and dig yourself a hole where you have to kind of figure out how to get out of it?
00:50:07.000 I do that too.
00:50:08.000 Yeah, all the time.
00:50:08.000 A lot of guys do that, right?
00:50:10.000 Yeah, I got this new thing on McDonald's of all things that I'm talking about just of how they've...
00:50:17.000 I'm trying to combine it with the bloggers, how they bully people, and if you apologize, they see the weakness, and then you become the person they're always going after.
00:50:25.000 I feel like McDonald's did that when they started making salads.
00:50:29.000 They admitted this wrongdoing, and now look at them.
00:50:33.000 Now they're serving breakfast all day.
00:50:35.000 That was the best move they ever did.
00:50:36.000 They're on the run.
00:50:37.000 Doug Benson had a bit about that years ago. 0.98
00:50:39.000 Like, why don't you fucking keep making that McGriddle? 0.91
00:50:41.000 It's the greatest thing on earth, and you stop having it at 10 a.m. 0.98
00:50:45.000 Like, it's so true.
00:50:46.000 That McGriddle is... 0.84
00:50:47.000 I don't...
00:50:47.000 I try not to eat those.
00:50:48.000 Dude, is that like where the...
00:50:50.000 Pancake with soaked in syrup?
00:50:52.000 Is that where, but like the bun is a pancake?
00:50:54.000 Yes.
00:50:55.000 Oh, dude, that is one of the worst things I've ever tasted.
00:50:58.000 I love them.
00:50:59.000 I love those things.
00:51:00.000 I love them.
00:51:01.000 I can't eat them, though.
00:51:02.000 I can't eat them. 0.99
00:51:03.000 Because it's fucking like 20 grams of sugar. 1.00
00:51:05.000 It's so bad for you. 0.99
00:51:07.000 No, everybody's got that thing.
00:51:08.000 I like the double cheeseburgers.
00:51:12.000 At Burger King?
00:51:13.000 At McDonald's?
00:51:14.000 I can't eat McDonald's cheeseburgers.
00:51:15.000 I'm not a Burger King guy.
00:51:17.000 I can't eat them either.
00:51:18.000 If I eat at those places, I have to eat something chicken or fish. 0.99
00:51:21.000 I just know that that burger is just, who knows what the fuck is in there. 0.99
00:51:25.000 Well, you don't go there for that. 0.99
00:51:27.000 Yeah.
00:51:27.000 I know, but...
00:51:28.000 Why would you start serving salads?
00:51:30.000 I'm gonna go to a salad bar. 1.00
00:51:31.000 I'm not gonna go to your stupid place with the playroom next to it. 1.00
00:51:34.000 Because you're stuck. 1.00
00:51:35.000 If you're stuck somewhere and there's only one thing to eat, like if you're on a truck stop on the highway and it's just a McDonald's, try to get something with some kind of vitamins in it.
00:51:42.000 Dude, you know what they're like?
00:51:44.000 They're like, you know when like a filthy comic decides he's gonna work clean?
00:51:48.000 That's what they're doing.
00:51:51.000 You're McDonald's.
00:51:51.000 You work blue.
00:51:53.000 That's the best. 1.00
00:51:54.000 When you see a filthy comic trying out for The Tonight Show, their fucking act is empty. 1.00
00:51:58.000 It's like an empty box. 1.00
00:51:59.000 No, you can do it, though.
00:52:00.000 You can do it, but it's not...
00:52:02.000 Look, if you're just...
00:52:02.000 It's not you.
00:52:03.000 Look, if you're just being dirty because it's punching up your jokes, that's one thing. 0.64
00:52:08.000 All right?
00:52:09.000 But if it's really how you are...
00:52:11.000 I mean, how I talk on stage is how I talk.
00:52:13.000 That's how I talk.
00:52:14.000 So for me to go up there and actually to work clean...
00:52:17.000 And do all of that is me being a character.
00:52:22.000 Yeah.
00:52:22.000 So that's why I just...
00:52:24.000 I think, you know...
00:52:26.000 Dude, George Carlin, you could consider that guy blue.
00:52:29.000 Sure.
00:52:29.000 Prior.
00:52:30.000 Those guys were fucking brilliant. 0.99
00:52:31.000 As Bill Cosby. 1.00
00:52:33.000 You know, Bill Cosby himself, to me, is arguably the greatest special of all fucking time. 0.99
00:52:37.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:52:37.000 You know what I mean? 0.98
00:52:38.000 It's a shame what he did after the specials.
00:52:40.000 Or before.
00:52:41.000 Or before.
00:52:42.000 During.
00:52:43.000 Yeah, I mean, I guess he was just always doing that.
00:52:45.000 Yeah, I have no idea.
00:52:46.000 Do you...
00:52:47.000 I think you and I are the last two that he never tried to roofie.
00:52:50.000 I feel left out.
00:52:53.000 Tom Herrera says that too.
00:52:56.000 He always gets there first.
00:52:57.000 He's already on stage with that.
00:52:58.000 He always gets there first.
00:52:59.000 But do you think that...
00:53:01.000 You know how we were talking about your mom could pull you over and spank you on the highway? 1.00
00:53:06.000 Someone could do that.
00:53:07.000 My mom could say that. 0.99
00:53:08.000 I didn't even realize what my mom was saying was fucked up until her brother... 1.00
00:53:12.000 Goes, Jesus Christ, what the fuck are you saying? 1.00
00:53:13.000 She would just yell at me, I'm going to break both your fucking legs. 1.00
00:53:16.000 And my uncle was like, Jesus, don't talk to the fucking kid like that. 1.00
00:53:20.000 And then I was like, yeah, that is kind of fucked up. 1.00
00:53:22.000 But I didn't even think anything of it because I was seven. 0.98
00:53:24.000 Normal.
00:53:24.000 It's normal.
00:53:25.000 Do you think that back in Cosby's day, like back in the 60s, do you think that that was a regular thing?
00:53:30.000 That people just would roofie chicks, or they would give them quaaludes, or they would give them a mickey. 1.00
00:53:35.000 They used to call it dropping a mickey.
00:53:37.000 Do you think that that was like a more normal thing?
00:53:41.000 I have no idea.
00:53:43.000 I have no idea.
00:53:43.000 I have no idea, but I do know back then there was all that, what were you wearing?
00:53:48.000 What did you think was going to happen?
00:53:50.000 I mean, it was really...
00:53:51.000 It was...
00:53:54.000 Yeah, dude.
00:53:54.000 It was...
00:53:55.000 I mean, all of that... 1.00
00:53:59.000 Frat boys shit. 1.00
00:54:00.000 All of that reputation was earned. 1.00
00:54:02.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:54:02.000 Just some of the shit. 1.00
00:54:03.000 Dude, I've talked to guys like 10 years older than me and they tell me like half the shit that they, you know, not half the shit, but a sizable chunk of some of their stories with the hazing and shit they did with chicks would be like, dude, you guys would all be in fucking jail, 1.00
00:54:19.000 man. 0.99
00:54:19.000 For a long time. 0.99
00:54:20.000 Yeah, like the 70s.
00:54:22.000 Those guys that came of age in the 70s?
00:54:24.000 Yeah.
00:54:25.000 I remember...
00:54:25.000 Oh, God.
00:54:26.000 I can't remember.
00:54:26.000 I'm not going to name names.
00:54:28.000 I remember one night, I'm riding in a car.
00:54:31.000 It was me and another comic and this other comic who was older.
00:54:35.000 And we were driving, killing time. 0.99
00:54:37.000 We started telling pussy stories. 0.99
00:54:39.000 Dude, and this guy's stories. 1.00
00:54:42.000 Every fucking other story, me and the other comic were looking at each other like, dude, what the fuck? 0.99
00:54:47.000 I remember one of his stories ended with, yeah, there were a lot of no's that night. 1.00
00:54:51.000 Just like, dude, what the fuck? 0.99
00:54:54.000 We literally changed the subject. 0.99
00:54:57.000 Jesus Christ.
00:54:58.000 Yeah, and he was sitting there laughing because, like, to him, that was what was done.
00:55:05.000 So, you know...
00:55:10.000 Anybody that says from back then that that was done to them, after just listening to that guy talking about the 70s, I'm like, Jesus Christ, what the 60s were like.
00:55:18.000 So I believe...
00:55:20.000 You know, all of them.
00:55:21.000 Yeah, I think that's what, I think the behavior that people had, if you've watched like those old movies where men would smack women all the time, I mean, it was all the time. 0.89
00:55:30.000 Like, you know, someone would say something, backhand them, shut up!
00:55:33.000 Dude, there was no pedophiles back then. 1.00
00:55:35.000 They were considered dirty old men. 1.00
00:55:37.000 Stay away, he's a dirty old man. 1.00
00:55:38.000 That guy's a drunk, he's a bum. 1.00
00:55:40.000 It was very just sort of broadly defined. 0.98
00:55:43.000 Yeah.
00:55:44.000 There wasn't even like a Catholic pedophile scandal back then.
00:55:49.000 Was there?
00:55:50.000 My man, that's when it was going on.
00:55:52.000 We knew about it, right?
00:55:53.000 We knew there was certain priests that you had to stay away from.
00:55:55.000 Dude, this is so beyond anything that I even investigate. 0.98
00:55:59.000 I have no fucking idea. 0.96
00:56:01.000 I just, in general, I adhere to the thing that we're basically hairless apes that can drive a car. 0.98
00:56:07.000 I mean, I really just think that that's what we...
00:56:09.000 That's how we...
00:56:10.000 Like, when I watched...
00:56:11.000 When they first discovered that chimpanzees...
00:56:14.000 Like, ate other monkeys. 0.99
00:56:16.000 And that when they fucking killed a monkey, they got off on it. 1.00
00:56:19.000 And they almost like walk around talking shit about what they did. 1.00
00:56:22.000 And just like... 0.99
00:56:23.000 I saw this thing where they talked to this one chimpanzee how to do sign language. 0.98
00:56:28.000 And within like a fucking month, his ego went through the roof. 1.00
00:56:31.000 Things started sexually assaulting other fucking... 1.00
00:56:34.000 It was acting like it got its own show. 1.00
00:56:35.000 It was unreal.
00:56:36.000 It was walking around like some spoiled star.
00:56:40.000 And... 1.00
00:56:42.000 When I just see the behavior of those fucking things. 1.00
00:56:45.000 I saw when this chimpanzee caught this other smaller monkey, right? 1.00
00:56:49.000 And it's standing on the fucking thing. 0.99
00:56:51.000 He's up in a tree, and the thing can't move. 0.99
00:56:53.000 And rather than killing it, it was just taking its index finger and its thumb was just digging meat out of the thing's back.
00:57:00.000 And the thing was screaming. 1.00
00:57:01.000 And the fucking chimp was getting off on, like, torturing this thing to death. 1.00
00:57:06.000 And it really was, like, it was fucking depressing. 1.00
00:57:09.000 To watch. 0.98
00:57:10.000 I'm like, that's...
00:57:11.000 So much of that is in it.
00:57:14.000 I really believe that.
00:57:15.000 I don't know. 1.00
00:57:15.000 I'm a pessimistic guy when it comes to that shit. 1.00
00:57:17.000 Well, I mean, that's undeniable when it comes to chimps. 1.00
00:57:20.000 And we are a close relative to chimps.
00:57:22.000 But when they found that video, when they first started filming that, I think that was a David Attenborough nature documentary.
00:57:28.000 I might be wrong.
00:57:29.000 But when they first filmed it, that was the first time they realized that chimps even ate meat.
00:57:34.000 Yeah.
00:57:34.000 They didn't even know.
00:57:35.000 No.
00:57:36.000 They eat monkeys all the time.
00:57:37.000 It's like one of their favorite things to eat.
00:57:38.000 And they have these sophisticated ways of capturing them.
00:57:40.000 Did you see all that?
00:57:41.000 Yeah.
00:57:41.000 Yeah, the way they flush it out and everything, and then they surround it, and then they just get into it.
00:57:45.000 And the way they, in the end, they're all amped up when they killed the fucking thing. 0.99
00:57:52.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:57:52.000 And they eat them from the asshole first. 1.00
00:57:55.000 They eat their guts. 1.00
00:57:57.000 They pull them apart.
00:57:58.000 They hold onto their body.
00:58:00.000 There's a video of one literally biting it through the hips and pulling it apart from the hips.
00:58:07.000 Is the thing still alive?
00:58:08.000 Oh yeah, it's screaming.
00:58:09.000 It's screaming.
00:58:10.000 It's got this little face. 0.92
00:58:11.000 A little face and its little hands and it's screaming and this chimp is just eating it alive. 1.00
00:58:15.000 I mean, that's our closest relative.
00:58:19.000 It's crazy.
00:58:19.000 But you know what else is crazy?
00:58:20.000 That's fucking gross, man. 1.00
00:58:21.000 That really just made me feel fucked up, just visualizing that. 1.00
00:58:24.000 You can watch it. 0.98
00:58:25.000 We can pull it up.
00:58:26.000 No.
00:58:27.000 I saw the back one.
00:58:29.000 I had to shut it off.
00:58:30.000 It was on YouTube.
00:58:31.000 There's a bunch of them now.
00:58:32.000 They've got quite a few videos of it now. 0.98
00:58:34.000 But what's more fucked up is... 1.00
00:58:36.000 I fucking hate chimpanzees now. 1.00
00:58:37.000 But those other chimps, the bonobos. 0.99
00:58:38.000 I think they should be able to live, but I don't want to be anywhere near one. 0.69
00:58:42.000 They're scary.
00:58:43.000 They're very scary. 1.00
00:58:44.000 We had this idea that they weren't scary because of BJ and the bear and all that stupid shit from television. 1.00
00:58:51.000 We decided they were these peaceful banana eating. 1.00
00:58:54.000 We thought they ate bananas until like a decade ago.
00:58:57.000 We didn't even know.
00:58:58.000 Do you ever hear why they're so strong?
00:59:00.000 Why? 0.98
00:59:00.000 I saw this whole fucking thing, is the way when they, their brain fires a message to whatever, the nerve endings or whatever, when they, they can't do, obviously they can't sit down and like play a guitar. 0.98
00:59:13.000 Like they don't have that type of thing. 0.99
00:59:14.000 It's just like, when they, they want their right arm to do things, like all the muscles from the tip of their fingers, all the way to their shoulder, all the way to their back or whatever.
00:59:23.000 I mean, I think you're using those anyways, but like our stuff is more like precision. 0.99
00:59:27.000 Their shit is just like a defensive blitz, like everybody's fucking coming. 0.99
00:59:33.000 So, I mean, I don't know. 1.00
00:59:35.000 I just realized halfway through that it was beyond my fucking understanding of the human body. 0.99
00:59:40.000 But evidently, they just say giant areas of muscle all just enact at the same fucking time. 0.98
00:59:47.000 Have you ever seen what one looks like without their hair? 0.99
00:59:50.000 They're jacked, right?
00:59:51.000 Oh my god.
00:59:52.000 Pull up a hairless chimp, because sometimes they get mange. 1.00
00:59:54.000 I know, but you know something?
00:59:55.000 But you look at them, but they don't outweigh you. 1.00
00:59:57.000 So you feel like, all right, you fucker, let's, you know, no biting. 1.00
01:00:00.000 No biting, all right? 1.00
01:00:02.000 I ought to be able to come out of a dojo, right, with a brown belt in jujitsu. 0.99
01:00:07.000 And if you looked at the fucking weight difference. 0.99
01:00:10.000 Look at that. 1.00
01:00:11.000 Look at his balls. 1.00
01:00:12.000 Jesus Christ. 1.00
01:00:13.000 Look at the size of the sack on that guy. 0.98
01:00:15.000 Dude, that looks like Ivan Putzky.
01:00:18.000 Polish power!
01:00:19.000 WWE. That guy, oh my god.
01:00:21.000 Dude, look at those fucking hands. 1.00
01:00:23.000 Oh, now you know what? 1.00
01:00:23.000 Now I don't wonder. 1.00
01:00:25.000 Yeah, look at the size of the arms on that fucker. 1.00
01:00:27.000 Yeah, he's probably 170, 180 pounds. 0.99
01:00:30.000 Probably like as big as a man, but the strength they have is just unbelievable.
01:00:36.000 I had a baby monkey on me.
01:00:38.000 A baby chimp on me once on news radio. 1.00
01:00:41.000 We had this episode that they brought in a bunch of animals for the scene.
01:00:44.000 He was a baby.
01:00:45.000 He was like two years old.
01:00:46.000 And this little guy was on top of me, and he just started hitting me in the back.
01:00:50.000 And I was like, whoa! 1.00
01:00:52.000 Like, what the fuck? 0.99
01:00:53.000 Like, it didn't make any sense. 0.99
01:00:54.000 Was it testing you? 1.00
01:00:55.000 No, it just beat my ass. 1.00
01:00:56.000 It was a little tiny thing. 1.00
01:00:57.000 Just decided to start beating my ass. 1.00
01:00:58.000 I mean, he was little. 1.00
01:00:59.000 Like, I could pick him up, and I could hold him like this. 0.98
01:01:01.000 But I knew, like, just from this two-year-old chimp, that if he decided to just fucking go crazy on me, I would have to fight for my life. 1.00
01:01:08.000 This little two-year-old chimp. 0.99
01:01:09.000 Oh, yeah, absolutely. 1.00
01:01:10.000 Two-year-old person, you beat the fuck out of a two-year-old. 0.98
01:01:13.000 Every two-year-old on earth doesn't stand a chance. 1.00
01:01:14.000 Because we're so slow.
01:01:16.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:01:16.000 I used to do a bit of how, like, if a fucking squirrel ran up your arm and started eating your ear, like, how far that thing would get before you even just grabbed its tail. 0.99
01:01:24.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:01:25.000 Like, you wouldn't even know what to do.
01:01:26.000 Like, everything.
01:01:27.000 Snakes, just lightning quick. 0.99
01:01:29.000 Like, how fucking... 0.99
01:01:30.000 Like, the fastest hands in boxing is nothing compared to reptilian speed. 0.99
01:01:37.000 Yeah.
01:01:37.000 Yeah.
01:01:38.000 They're fucking strong. 0.99
01:01:39.000 They don't have any fat either. 1.00
01:01:40.000 There's a theory because of that.
01:01:42.000 It's called the aquatic ape theory.
01:01:43.000 They think that people evolved around water.
01:01:46.000 And that's one of the reasons why you throw a baby in the water, they close their mouth and they hold their breath immediately.
01:01:51.000 And they can actually kind of float.
01:01:53.000 They float up to the top.
01:01:54.000 I don't know.
01:01:55.000 Have you tried that?
01:01:57.000 I've only watched videos.
01:01:58.000 I just pictured people in lab coats just grabbing babies by the back of their pants and just throwing them in the pool.
01:02:04.000 See?
01:02:04.000 That's what I'm talking about.
01:02:05.000 Right there.
01:02:06.000 Look at that.
01:02:06.000 But if you throw a chimp in the water, they drown.
01:02:09.000 If you throw a baby chimp in the water, they just start breathing water. 1.00
01:02:12.000 They don't know what the fuck to do. 0.99
01:02:13.000 But babies instinctively hold their breath. 0.99
01:02:15.000 Baby humans. 1.00
01:02:16.000 Did you see that video of those chimps fucking with that otter or some shit? 1.00
01:02:20.000 No. 1.00
01:02:20.000 It's one of those overseas zoos where they just stick animals together that fight because they don't give a fuck. 1.00
01:02:26.000 I don't know why. 1.00
01:02:27.000 Definitely, there's no way with PETA and shit you could do that in this country with some sort of fucking... 1.00
01:02:32.000 Otter or some shit. 1.00
01:02:34.000 They do that in China. 1.00
01:02:34.000 They'll put like a bear in with a lion. 1.00
01:02:36.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:02:36.000 And then watch it as they eat some fucking yak gonad. 1.00
01:02:40.000 Just make a video of it. 1.00
01:02:41.000 Because they think it makes a dick hard. 1.00
01:02:43.000 That was very stereotypical. 1.00
01:02:45.000 So this fucking otter or whatever the fuck it was. 1.00
01:02:48.000 Sea lion. 1.00
01:02:49.000 I don't even know what it was. 1.00
01:02:50.000 They kept slapping the fucking thing. 1.00
01:02:53.000 Like that thing was slapping your back. 1.00
01:02:54.000 And what ended up happening is they got hold of one of them. 0.97
01:02:57.000 And they just fucking dragged it, and the monkeys were flipping out, and they couldn't save it. 0.99
01:03:01.000 Dragged it into the fucking water, and they drowned it. 0.99
01:03:03.000 The otter? 1.00
01:03:04.000 Yeah, or whatever the fuck it was. 0.98
01:03:05.000 A seal or something? 0.98
01:03:06.000 It was something like that.
01:03:08.000 Dragged the chimp into the water and drowned it? 1.00
01:03:10.000 Dragged it and fucking dragged the fucking thing in there, and the fucking monkeys were flipping out. 1.00
01:03:15.000 And I, on such a sadistic level, enjoyed that video. 1.00
01:03:19.000 Like, yeah, you fuckers. 1.00
01:03:21.000 Because I don't like bullies. 1.00
01:03:22.000 I just felt like they were bullying whatever the fuck was in the water. 0.99
01:03:25.000 This is going to torture. 0.99
01:03:27.000 Your listeners, because I can't remember what animal it was.
01:03:30.000 Because like I said, I was probably doing 20 different things at once, and I watched that.
01:03:35.000 I don't know.
01:03:36.000 If you go on there, monkey versus something, eventually you ought to get to it.
01:03:39.000 Was it a chimp or a monkey?
01:03:42.000 Oh.
01:03:43.000 No, it wasn't a chimp. 0.97
01:03:44.000 It wasn't big enough.
01:03:45.000 If it was, it was a baby one.
01:03:47.000 I don't know.
01:03:49.000 It was small enough that this little brown thing could drag it in the water. 0.99
01:03:52.000 That's the best you're going to get out of me.
01:03:56.000 I would be the worst witness in a bank robbery.
01:03:59.000 They had legs.
01:04:01.000 And they were yelling a lot.
01:04:02.000 Pretty sure they were people.
01:04:04.000 Yeah.
01:04:04.000 And I think they got what they wanted because they left.
01:04:09.000 Does that help you guys out? 0.99
01:04:12.000 There's a lot of those fucking videos out there, too. 0.99
01:04:15.000 If you go bear versus, or chimp versus, or tiger versus... 1.00
01:04:20.000 Oh, I watch them all the time.
01:04:21.000 I watch slap fights.
01:04:24.000 You know what's the funniest thing ever?
01:04:25.000 Slap fights? 0.99
01:04:25.000 What's slap fights? 0.99
01:04:26.000 Just people...
01:04:27.000 It always ends up in a real fight.
01:04:29.000 Or somebody gets knocked out. 0.55
01:04:30.000 It's just I stand with my hands behind my back, you go first, and you just wind up and slap me in the face. 0.92
01:04:35.000 What?
01:04:36.000 And then it's my turn.
01:04:37.000 Whoever quits first...
01:04:39.000 So there's always that one guy who slaps with this meaty part here and catches you on the jaw.
01:04:44.000 Yeah.
01:04:44.000 And then the person gets knocked out.
01:04:46.000 You know one of my favorite things is?
01:04:48.000 Is the people, when they scream Worldstar, like at this point, they're so excited that they're finally part of it that they filmed another human being getting knocked out.
01:04:57.000 Like the level... 0.99
01:05:06.000 It's amazing that one site became the spot where you would go watch people get their asses kicked. 0.98
01:05:16.000 It's just not like... 0.98
01:05:18.000 You know what it is with them?
01:05:20.000 They had a standard.
01:05:22.000 Like, you couldn't just get knocked out.
01:05:24.000 You had, like, the base level is knocked the fuck out all the way up to, like, I guess, you know, is that guy dead? 0.99
01:05:30.000 I mean, it's fucking insane. 0.98
01:05:31.000 There's some brutal ones. 0.98
01:05:32.000 Yeah, there are.
01:05:33.000 There are, without a doubt.
01:05:34.000 Like, I have a certain...
01:05:35.000 Like, my thing is, I like...
01:05:36.000 If two people are squaring off...
01:05:39.000 They go at it, and one person gets knocked out, and after they're knocked out, that's it.
01:05:43.000 I can watch those.
01:05:44.000 But like, you know, when the person's on the ground, and then they catch like another two, three...
01:05:48.000 Or they kick them when they're down.
01:05:49.000 There's a horrible video of this one guy who was drunk, and he was mouthing off to all these people, and one guy stepped up to him and knocked him out.
01:05:57.000 And after he knocked him out, while he was laying on his back, people came over, they pulled his pants down, people started kicking him in the face while he was unconscious.
01:06:04.000 And then he was like making these horrible moaning noises and guys would just run up and punt him in the face.
01:06:10.000 Not just one.
01:06:11.000 Like many, many people did it.
01:06:12.000 Did he die?
01:06:13.000 I don't know.
01:06:14.000 He could have easily died.
01:06:15.000 He could have easily died.
01:06:16.000 No, there was that kid knocked out that kid.
01:06:18.000 The kid was getting bullied by the other kid.
01:06:20.000 He knocked him out and he was like, I don't know, I don't know, in the area where the kid hit the classic thing.
01:06:25.000 He hit his back of his head and he went into a coma and he died.
01:06:28.000 That happened with a guy that Kevin James worked with.
01:06:31.000 Kevin James worked as a bouncer in Long Island, and one of the guys he worked with got in a fight with a drunk, KO'd him, knocked him out, the guy fell back, hit his head on the curb, dead.
01:06:42.000 And the guy wound up doing time. 0.99
01:06:43.000 You know, I mean, he was just stupid fucking, you know, $10 an hour job as a bouncer. 1.00
01:06:48.000 And maybe shouldn't have hit the guy. 1.00
01:06:51.000 I don't know.
01:06:51.000 I don't know what happened.
01:06:52.000 I don't know what the circumstances were.
01:06:53.000 I can't picture Kevin James as a bouncer.
01:06:55.000 He's such a sweetheart of a guy.
01:06:57.000 He can fight.
01:06:58.000 I know he can fight.
01:06:59.000 He's a tough guy.
01:07:00.000 I mean, you don't think that looking at him, but Kevin James hits hard.
01:07:04.000 No, no, I wasn't saying that.
01:07:05.000 I'm just saying he's such a nice guy.
01:07:07.000 He's a nice guy, but he's got to switch. 0.99
01:07:09.000 Like, if people pissed him off, he's a fucking gorilla, that guy. 0.97
01:07:14.000 Because he looks, he's this sweetheart, and he does all this, like, physical comedy and laughing and joking around. 0.99
01:07:19.000 But he's like...
01:07:20.000 No, I opened with him a long time ago.
01:07:21.000 5'10", 250. He was a great guy.
01:07:24.000 Like, certain people become, like, bouncers.
01:07:27.000 Yeah.
01:07:27.000 You know what I mean?
01:07:28.000 They want to fight.
01:07:29.000 And they, like...
01:07:30.000 I had a couple buddies of mine...
01:07:33.000 From high school and on a slow night, they would just walk up to somebody and just say, all right, you got to go.
01:07:39.000 You got to go.
01:07:41.000 And they would just escort them just because it was funny to them.
01:07:44.000 So they pretend to be a bouncer?
01:07:46.000 No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:07:47.000 They were bouncers.
01:07:47.000 But if it was a slow night, they would just pick some nerdy guy and just say, listen, you got to go.
01:07:53.000 You got to just watch the guy and then every once in a while they'd get somebody that would get upset and would start fighting them and then they would beat the shit out of them.
01:08:00.000 We'd just be like, that doesn't sound like a good time to me.
01:08:03.000 I saw a guy one time in Boston, right? 0.99
01:08:06.000 He got into this fucking fight and the fucking bouncers came in and grabbed him. 1.00
01:08:12.000 And I remember they just picked him up by his fucking neck. 1.00
01:08:15.000 Two guys and just started running with him. 0.99
01:08:19.000 It was the worst secure because it was all these people that had to scamper to get out of the way.
01:08:23.000 And they're running with this guy.
01:08:25.000 Like, I swear to God, the guy's head was, like, nine feet in the air.
01:08:27.000 And he was up there, like, going, all right, all right, all right, all right, screaming, all right, as they're running across.
01:08:31.000 And all the dance floors partying. 0.98
01:08:33.000 And they got to the fucking door where they were going to go out. 0.98
01:08:37.000 And the door was a typical, was only, like, eight feet high. 1.00
01:08:40.000 Oh, no.
01:08:40.000 So, like, his shoulders and head were above it.
01:08:42.000 And they were running like a 440. And just, boom, he folded in half.
01:08:49.000 And then they just threw him out into the street. 0.85
01:08:52.000 And I remember even back then just going like, that was so fucking overly excessive. 0.57
01:08:58.000 And if I was running this club, I would be like, dude, do you realize that you almost just ran over 80 innocent people? 0.71
01:09:04.000 I mean, at this point, dude, I'm 47. So, like, my idea of the way young people think is from fucking 25 years ago. 0.96
01:09:10.000 So, like, my idea of what a bouncer is. 0.91
01:09:14.000 And to me, they were just guys... 0.89
01:09:16.000 Who used to beat the shit out of people in school and now just wanted to do it for a living. 0.94
01:09:23.000 Yeah, there's definitely that. 0.69
01:09:25.000 I think Kevin got the job, though, because his kung fu instructor.
01:09:28.000 Kevin used to be really into martial arts, and his kung fu instructor worked there, and he got him a job.
01:09:32.000 It was just a thing that he needed.
01:09:34.000 I think he quit when all this was going on.
01:09:37.000 When I was 19, I worked as a, not a bouncer, but I guess like a security person at this place called Great Woods.
01:09:45.000 You know where Great Woods is?
01:09:46.000 I saw Eddie Murphy on the Raw tour.
01:09:48.000 Did you really?
01:09:49.000 I saw Rodney Dangerfield right after back to school when he got big again.
01:09:54.000 I was probably working there.
01:09:55.000 When you saw Rodney Dangerfield, I was probably working backstage because that was when Rodney was wearing a bathrobe.
01:10:01.000 Was it those days?
01:10:02.000 That's when his hair was like yellow, almost orange.
01:10:05.000 Did he have the bathrobe on?
01:10:07.000 No, I think he came out on tux.
01:10:09.000 Oh, really?
01:10:10.000 I can't remember.
01:10:11.000 I remember Eddie came out in the blue suit, but go ahead.
01:10:14.000 I saw Bill Cosby there, too.
01:10:16.000 Bill Cosby was there.
01:10:17.000 I saw Kinnison there, like right after his first special.
01:10:22.000 That was interesting because Kinnison did his HBO special. 0.96
01:10:25.000 HBO's special was fucking giant, right? 0.98
01:10:27.000 He was the biggest guy. 0.98
01:10:28.000 But then he had to write a whole new hour.
01:10:30.000 And he didn't have a whole new hour.
01:10:31.000 And it was kind of obvious.
01:10:32.000 Like, you could see, there was a lot of filler.
01:10:34.000 And I remember thinking, like, wow, this is interesting.
01:10:37.000 Like, I hadn't even thought about doing stand-up yet.
01:10:39.000 Because it was, like, 1986. But I remember seeing him, I was going, whoa.
01:10:43.000 Like, this guy doesn't even have the...
01:10:44.000 He doesn't have, like, the jokes.
01:10:46.000 Like, Carl LeBeau would go on before him.
01:10:48.000 And there was a couple other guys, too, I think.
01:10:50.000 And Carl had a pretty good act.
01:10:52.000 But Carl's act, his act was...
01:10:54.000 It might not have been as good as Kinnison's was back in the day, like, you know, during the HBO special time, but it was tight.
01:11:00.000 Like, you could tell.
01:11:01.000 His punchlines were solid.
01:11:02.000 He knew where he was going with it.
01:11:04.000 But with Kinnison, you could tell that he was, like, kind of filling time, you know?
01:11:07.000 It wasn't there anymore, you know?
01:11:10.000 Right.
01:11:10.000 Because he had worked for probably 10-plus years on that one hour.
01:11:14.000 I never saw a guy, like, so adversely affected by fame.
01:11:18.000 Maybe because I was such a fan of his, just watching...
01:11:22.000 Like he kind of was every cliche and what kills me is when right when he died was he was getting sober and he was gonna like he was gonna turn it around I thought.
01:11:30.000 No, he died with coke in his system.
01:11:33.000 Like I said, I mean...
01:11:34.000 He had coke in his system when he died.
01:11:37.000 His autopsy revealed that he had done coke.
01:11:39.000 I think he died, the ironic thing, he was killed by a drunk driver because he used to do that bit.
01:11:45.000 We're gonna drink!
01:11:46.000 We're gonna drive!
01:11:47.000 We're gonna pull it off!
01:11:48.000 You know why? 1.00
01:11:48.000 Because we do it every fucking night! 1.00
01:11:51.000 That was one of his things. 1.00
01:11:53.000 That was one of his filler bits. 1.00
01:11:56.000 The first shit was so good. 1.00
01:11:59.000 The homosexual necrophiliacs and the fucking starving kids in Africa. 1.00
01:12:05.000 There's a clip of him early on. 1.00
01:12:09.000 On YouTube where he doesn't have control of the yelling yet.
01:12:13.000 So it's really just like, you know, because he learned by the time of the HBO special, you know how to bring it really down, right?
01:12:20.000 Yeah. 0.97
01:12:20.000 And then just fucking launch it and then go back to being quiet again. 0.97
01:12:24.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:12:24.000 There's a great one where you're watching him... 0.99
01:12:27.000 The clip that you see, it's before he quite has it figured out and he's just way more yelling than he needs to do.
01:12:33.000 But I get chills when I watch the video because I was just like, this guy is like, like knows he's on to something.
01:12:40.000 And he has like sunglasses on on stage.
01:12:43.000 He's got like driving gloves.
01:12:44.000 It's before the trench coat and all that.
01:12:47.000 Oh, I've seen that video.
01:12:48.000 He has a comb over.
01:12:49.000 Yeah, he had a brutal comb over.
01:12:51.000 Thank God he went to the hat.
01:12:53.000 Yeah.
01:12:53.000 The beret.
01:12:54.000 Remember the beret?
01:12:55.000 The beret, yeah.
01:12:56.000 And in the end, he switched from the beret to like these rock and roll poison style bandanas.
01:13:01.000 Remember?
01:13:02.000 He had those crazy bandanas and they would get long and his hair was long and the whole thing.
01:13:07.000 And he got really fat.
01:13:09.000 He got big.
01:13:09.000 He got so fat.
01:13:10.000 Nah, he just every...
01:13:12.000 Indulgence.
01:13:13.000 He just, I mean, Jesus Christ.
01:13:15.000 I mean, he's one of those guys that probably, you know, his autobiography would be like 12 books.
01:13:19.000 Yeah, his biography is good.
01:13:21.000 It's called Brother Bill.
01:13:23.000 His brother Bill wrote it.
01:13:26.000 It's called Brother Sam, My Brother Sam.
01:13:28.000 Oh, I gotta read that.
01:13:29.000 It's really good.
01:13:30.000 Because it talks about how he had a head injury.
01:13:32.000 Like, a bad head injury.
01:13:33.000 He was hit by a car when he was a little kid.
01:13:36.000 And it changed him, totally.
01:13:38.000 It's one of the things that happens to people that have head injuries.
01:13:41.000 Like, sometimes they get crazy impulsive.
01:13:43.000 And they lose, they lose, like, whatever personality they used to have.
01:13:47.000 Dude, comics are insane.
01:13:49.000 Yeah.
01:13:50.000 Completely. 1.00
01:13:51.000 Fucking insane. 1.00
01:13:52.000 Yeah, completely. 1.00
01:13:52.000 Insane people. 1.00
01:13:53.000 But he got hit by a car, got all fucked up, and when he got out of it, when he healed up, he was just this fucking maniac. 1.00
01:14:00.000 Just didn't give a shit. 1.00
01:14:02.000 It was like the devil entered him or something like that. 1.00
01:14:03.000 He was just a wild man.
01:14:05.000 Just had no impulse control.
01:14:08.000 Just was going crazy.
01:14:10.000 And it was also when he was trying to be a preacher, too.
01:14:12.000 So, like, it sort of fueled his preaching.
01:14:15.000 Yeah, man.
01:14:15.000 It's a really good book because his brother Bill is very honest in it.
01:14:20.000 And he even talks about Sam, just Sam stopped writing.
01:14:23.000 He was just partying all the time.
01:14:25.000 He wasn't coming up with new material.
01:14:26.000 And he talked about how Sam, before he made it, was just this machine.
01:14:29.000 It's just like he was partying a lot, but he was also working on his act and it was important to him.
01:14:35.000 Oh yeah, the difference between his first and second letterman.
01:14:38.000 You can already see the fame thing coming in. 0.99
01:14:40.000 His first letterman is just fucking, it's unbelievable. 0.99
01:14:44.000 It's unbelievable. 0.99
01:14:45.000 The Rodney Dangerfield one, though, when he was on the Rodney Dangerfield special, that was it.
01:14:50.000 That was it.
01:14:50.000 That was just boom.
01:14:51.000 You know, the owner of Dangerfield, Tony, told me one night, That, you know, how they used to just let Sam do whatever he wanted, but it was just fucking crazy. 0.80
01:15:01.000 One night he went on stage. 0.93
01:15:03.000 This probably isn't funny now because of all the shit that's happened in the world, but he was standing there with this trench coat in front of this late night crowd, right? 0.96
01:15:10.000 Probably a half full Dangerfield, you know? 0.96
01:15:12.000 And he's just sitting there when he had his hands in his pockets.
01:15:14.000 He just came on stage, right?
01:15:17.000 And he's going, look at you people.
01:15:20.000 You guys just sitting there drinking, you know?
01:15:22.000 You guys on a date?
01:15:23.000 You having a good time?
01:15:24.000 You just sitting there.
01:15:27.000 How do you guys know what I have under this coat? 1.00
01:15:32.000 How do you not know that I don't have two 12 gauges under this fucking coat? 1.00
01:15:38.000 I could just bring them up and just fucking blow all your brains out. 1.00
01:15:41.000 And he didn't let up. 1.00
01:15:42.000 He just kept going with that.
01:15:44.000 And going and going. 0.99
01:15:45.000 Gradually, people started getting up and fucking walking out. 0.99
01:15:48.000 And he just kept... 1.00
01:15:49.000 You know that low, evil fucking voice he would do? 1.00
01:15:51.000 He just kept doing like, how do you know? 1.00
01:15:54.000 How do you know?
01:15:54.000 And people just kind of...
01:15:55.000 Fucking looking around and gradually... 0.99
01:15:58.000 And Tony was telling me... 1.00
01:16:00.000 Yeah, he fucking walked... 0.99
01:16:02.000 Like, half the room. 0.99
01:16:03.000 He goes, I was pissed because they were buying drinks or everything, but, you know, that's how Sam was, but, you know, he ended up working out.
01:16:10.000 He ended up getting a good bit out of it or something, but he used to, like, to me, what I think is cool about that is the 80s just seemed like it was so much like, you know, so many comics that were just...
01:16:20.000 Because they needed a warm body.
01:16:22.000 We're actually getting, like, TV credits. 0.99
01:16:23.000 And to know that it just wasn't all fucking big hair and, you know, what's the deal with this and what's the deal with that, that there was actually a fucking guy doing that. 0.98
01:16:31.000 Taking crazy chances. 0.98
01:16:33.000 Yeah.
01:16:33.000 Well, that's one of those things.
01:16:34.000 You're just going up there, you're sick of your fucking act. 0.99
01:16:37.000 You're hating people or whatever, and you just feel like doing that. 1.00
01:16:40.000 But I never had the nerve to start walking the crowd.
01:16:43.000 I never did that.
01:16:44.000 I was like, alright, I'm supposed to do a job here.
01:16:46.000 Did you ever listen to The Day the Laughter Died?
01:16:48.000 The Dice Clay special?
01:16:49.000 Oh my god, I love that.
01:16:50.000 I love that album.
01:16:51.000 That's great.
01:16:52.000 It's a two-disc album, like a two-disc CD of him bombing.
01:16:57.000 At Dangerfields, unannounced, decided to film or record his comedy CD after he did Dice Rules, right?
01:17:04.000 It was the first one just called Dice, right?
01:17:06.000 First one just called Dice?
01:17:07.000 The first one was a monster. 0.98
01:17:09.000 I fucking love that album. 0.99
01:17:10.000 The Day the Laughter Died is him going up to a crowd of tourists. 0.99
01:17:14.000 They have no idea he's going to be there.
01:17:15.000 There's not that many people in the crowd. 0.99
01:17:17.000 It sounds like there's probably like 50 people in the whole fucking room. 0.99
01:17:20.000 And he's just ad-libbing. 1.00
01:17:22.000 Just ad-libbing, and he doesn't give a fuck. 0.99
01:17:24.000 And I remember this one guy gets up, and as he's leaving, the guy's leaving, he goes, You're about as funny as a glass of milk! 0.99
01:17:32.000 That's what the guy said to him.
01:17:37.000 As funny as that line.
01:17:38.000 I just remember my favorite one was when he was talking about how not to get into a relationship.
01:17:43.000 Remember that bit?
01:17:43.000 No, how did he do it?
01:17:44.000 He was just, I can't listen to it in years, but he was just being like, you know, you meet some chick, you know, you like her, you take her out, you whiner, you diner, and all this shit, and saying she's not gonna fuck you, so you just keep taking her out until you're gonna fuck her. 1.00
01:17:57.000 So then, as she finally lets you, you meet her parents and all that, you're banging away, and as you're banging her, you're thinking, ah, fuck. 1.00
01:18:05.000 Now I'm in a relationship with this girl. 0.99
01:18:07.000 She thinks I like her.
01:18:08.000 He goes, this is how you get out of it.
01:18:09.000 He goes, you keep tagging her.
01:18:11.000 And right before you come, you go, okay, sweetheart, get ready for the gook. 0.97
01:18:18.000 Something like that.
01:18:19.000 Or here comes the gook. 0.98
01:18:21.000 I remember listening to that by myself.
01:18:24.000 And I literally fell off the couch. 0.99
01:18:26.000 It was so fucking gross. 0.98
01:18:28.000 And so... 0.99
01:18:30.000 It was just so like...
01:18:31.000 I can't even describe it. 0.99
01:18:32.000 It was one of my favorite fucking... 0.99
01:18:34.000 Now, I saw him at the Worcester Centrum. 0.99
01:18:38.000 Wow.
01:18:39.000 At the height of when he first...
01:18:42.000 Right after that New Year's Eve special that he had.
01:18:46.000 This is like 88, 89?
01:18:47.000 88. I saw him like November 88. So it was just like...
01:18:51.000 You know, everybody liked the end of 87. Alright, Happy New Year.
01:18:54.000 See everybody.
01:18:55.000 Or maybe it was 89. It might have been 89. I remember he had some special that came out towards the end of one of those years.
01:19:04.000 And I was working in a warehouse unloading trucks and shit.
01:19:06.000 And we were all just like, just one of those classic moments back then when there was only so many channels. 0.89
01:19:10.000 So we were just like, alright, see you later. 0.99
01:19:12.000 Nobody said, I'm watching that Dice shit. 0.98
01:19:14.000 But we came back Monday, everybody had saw it. 0.99
01:19:17.000 And it was just weird.
01:19:18.000 It felt like everybody you knew saw it. 0.98
01:19:21.000 Somehow, everybody fucking saw it, right? 0.87
01:19:24.000 And then he became the biggest thing ever, and I went and I saw him, and there was an unknown Eddie Griffin opened. 0.95
01:19:30.000 Really?
01:19:31.000 Yeah, I mean, I was thinking, like, I think, believe it or not, I'm like a year older than him, or he started really young.
01:19:36.000 Eddie Griffin?
01:19:37.000 Yeah.
01:19:37.000 Really?
01:19:38.000 Yeah, Eddie's not even 50. What?
01:19:40.000 That guy's like 46, 47. Google it, man, something like that.
01:19:42.000 Wow.
01:19:43.000 He opened up, and people were being rude and booing.
01:19:46.000 I was doing the same thing.
01:19:47.000 Oh, bring on dice! 0.98
01:19:48.000 Like, I thought it'd make...
01:19:49.000 So I kind of deserved the Philly thing.
01:19:51.000 But I thought Dice would be backstage going, yeah, these guys really like us.
01:19:55.000 It didn't dawn on me like, hey, maybe he's friends with Eddie and he respects his comedy, which now I know that that was the case.
01:20:02.000 And I just remember Dice came out and he came out and he did like 10 nursery rhymes that we had all heard.
01:20:11.000 So he would do the beginning and then everyone would yell out the punchline.
01:20:15.000 And then he got to a certain point and you'd be like, oh, that's good.
01:20:18.000 You did your homework.
01:20:20.000 Well, I too have also been working.
01:20:22.000 And then he just busted out like five new ones, dude. 0.99
01:20:24.000 And it was just, it was the sickest fucking thing ever. 0.99
01:20:28.000 Place was going crazy. 0.99
01:20:30.000 There was something, some starlight, star bright, something. 0.95
01:20:33.000 I just remember it ended my girlfriend's twat. 1.00
01:20:36.000 The pun twat is such a funny fucking word. 1.00
01:20:40.000 And the place, dude, I'm telling you, like murdering. 1.00
01:20:44.000 Yeah.
01:20:45.000 Just murdering this place.
01:20:46.000 I never got a chance to see him live in his peak.
01:20:47.000 I only saw him live once I started working at the store and saw him there.
01:20:51.000 We went to see him live.
01:20:52.000 Me and Norton and Bobby Kelly and Anthony from Opie and Anthony and Red Band went to see him live at the Riviera like a few years ago.
01:21:01.000 Oh, okay.
01:21:02.000 In the upstairs room, that big room upstairs, it was fucking awesome. 0.60
01:21:06.000 We were in town for the UFC. I wasn't working on Friday night, and they were like, Dice is in town. 0.57
01:21:10.000 Let's go, let's go.
01:21:11.000 So we went and got a steak like gentlemen, went to a nice restaurant, had a great time, had some wine, clinked glasses, got on a limo, went to the Dice show. 0.98
01:21:20.000 Oh, it was fucking legendary. 0.99
01:21:22.000 That's fucking great. 0.99
01:21:22.000 It was so much fun. 0.99
01:21:23.000 But he still does a little bit of nursery rhymes and stuff, but he's got a bunch of new shit now. 0.92
01:21:28.000 The thing that was different about him than anybody else was that it was good that you knew the bits. 0.93
01:21:35.000 You could sing them like a song. 1.00
01:21:37.000 You would yell them out like, What's in the bowl, bitch? 1.00
01:21:41.000 Oh! 1.00
01:21:42.000 Everybody would go crazy.
01:21:44.000 No, he was giving you what you wanted, and then he was also still moving it forward.
01:21:48.000 So it was...
01:21:50.000 Yeah, and the new ones were every bit as good as the other ones, and they were new, and then you were trying to remember them.
01:21:57.000 So I remember you go to the warehouse and tell me, he's got new ones!
01:21:59.000 He's got new ones! 0.96
01:22:00.000 Yeah, it's fucking awesome. 0.78
01:22:03.000 Isn't it crazy though, because back then, there was no YouTube, you had to go see it on something.
01:22:09.000 Yeah, you had to go see it.
01:22:10.000 And that was another thing too, when there was so few channels, even then there was still like 80 channels or whatever.
01:22:14.000 But there was always those things.
01:22:16.000 Nobody said, I'm watching that Dangerfield special.
01:22:19.000 Right.
01:22:19.000 It was just all of a sudden, Monday, everybody came in and everybody...
01:22:22.000 Did you see that guy moving where the food is? 0.99
01:22:24.000 Everybody knew who fucking Kinnison was. 0.98
01:22:26.000 Everybody knew who Dice was. 0.99
01:22:29.000 Eddie Murphy, Delirious.
01:22:30.000 I remember when that came out.
01:22:31.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
01:22:32.000 That came out and everybody just fucking saw it. 0.99
01:22:35.000 Everybody saw it. 0.99
01:22:36.000 If a special came out back then, it made you a star.
01:22:39.000 It was a different thing as today.
01:22:41.000 An HBO special today... 0.99
01:22:43.000 You don't hear shit. 0.99
01:22:44.000 You know, they come out, nobody hears anything about it, and it's gone. 0.99
01:22:47.000 Oh yeah, your mom TiVos it.
01:22:48.000 She'll watch it like 30 days later.
01:22:49.000 Yeah, you know, I finally sat down.
01:22:50.000 I watched part of it, and then I had to go.
01:22:53.000 Well, they're figuring it out now with HBO Go.
01:22:55.000 You know, they're making HBO On Demand and stuff like that.
01:22:57.000 They're figuring it out.
01:22:58.000 They're catching up to Netflix.
01:22:59.000 Netflix, yeah.
01:23:00.000 They are.
01:23:00.000 I found out about Kinnison because of a girl I worked with.
01:23:03.000 I was working at the Boston Athletic Club.
01:23:05.000 I was 19. And this girl I worked with, she was fucking hilarious. 1.00
01:23:10.000 Just big Boston girl. 0.98
01:23:11.000 She was like 5'11". 1.00
01:23:12.000 She was hot, but she was just this fucking big, brash girl. 1.00
01:23:16.000 And she goes, oh my god, there's this fucking guy named Sam Kinnison. 1.00
01:23:20.000 Have you heard of him? 0.99
01:23:21.000 Oh my god, he was so fucking funny. 0.60
01:23:23.000 I go, what did he do? 0.98
01:23:24.000 She goes, come here. 0.96
01:23:25.000 She goes out in the parking lot and she does the homosexual necrophiliac bit for me in the parking lot. 1.00
01:23:30.000 She's lying on her stomach. 0.99
01:23:32.000 Oh my god. 1.00
01:23:33.000 You mean life keeps fucking the ass even after you're dead? 1.00
01:23:35.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:23:37.000 It never ends!
01:23:38.000 It never ends is the greatest line ever. 0.87
01:23:39.000 And I remember thinking, like, laughing at this girl, who wasn't a comic, she was a fucking fitness trainer, telling me about this guy, and then I had to go see him.
01:23:48.000 And then I think I got it on VHS tape, if I remember correctly, the first time I saw it, his HBO special. 0.57
01:23:55.000 And I was like, whoa, this was a game changer.
01:23:58.000 He was the first guy that made me think that maybe I could do comedy.
01:24:01.000 Because before...
01:24:03.000 I would see, like, Seinfeld, or I would see, like, you know, someone who was, like, just an Evening at the Improv type guy with the rolled up sleeves, and, did you ever notice?
01:24:13.000 And I'm like, God, it's not me. 0.99
01:24:15.000 I'm just, I'm too fucked up. 1.00
01:24:16.000 My sense of humor's too fucked up. 1.00
01:24:18.000 Too fucked up. 1.00
01:24:20.000 And then I saw Kinnis, and I went, oh, that's comedy, too. 0.99
01:24:23.000 Oh, comedy just has to be funny.
01:24:25.000 Like, maybe I could do it.
01:24:26.000 Maybe I could do it.
01:24:27.000 He was a game changer.
01:24:29.000 I liked all of those guys.
01:24:31.000 I liked Seinfeld, Dice, Kinison, I liked all of those guys.
01:24:38.000 Basically, if you were funny...
01:24:40.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:24:41.000 You know, I totally, I got into all of that shit. 0.97
01:24:44.000 But what made me think I could do comedy was actually those VH1 stand-up spotlights towards the end. 0.98
01:24:51.000 Towards the end when they'd go and guys were doing like their fifth one.
01:24:55.000 Oh! 0.60
01:24:56.000 Just scraping the bottom of the barrel.
01:24:58.000 And I remember this guy I worked with, we used to, before we'd go out, we'd drink beers in his room.
01:25:06.000 I'd go over to his house, hey, Mrs. Whatever, and we'd fucking go in his room to save money. 0.99
01:25:11.000 Before we'd go out and try to hit on chicks, we'd drink like a six-pack or something. 0.99
01:25:16.000 So he was in the stand-up the way I was, and we'd fucking watch it. 1.00
01:25:20.000 That's so fucked up. 0.99
01:25:21.000 We would get legally drunk and then get in the car to go drive. 1.00
01:25:25.000 This was like the late 80s and 90s, just what you did.
01:25:29.000 Did they have breathalyzers back then?
01:25:32.000 Yeah, that came out in somewhere like the late 80s or something like that.
01:25:38.000 Something like that. 0.98
01:25:39.000 But I had the total fucking... 1.00
01:25:42.000 Classic, you know, Boston upbringing where it ended with a fucking DUI and all of that shit. 1.00
01:25:47.000 Did you get a DUI? Yeah. 1.00
01:25:49.000 Spent a fucking couple hours in jail. 0.99
01:25:51.000 My dad came down and got me out and stuff. 1.00
01:25:52.000 Does that fuck with you now if you try to get into Canada? 0.97
01:25:55.000 No, because it doesn't officially show up on your record until you get the second one. 0.99
01:26:00.000 That's how it worked in the state I was in.
01:26:02.000 And then the second one, then it says you got two. 0.87
01:26:06.000 But what it would fuck with is my pilot's license.
01:26:08.000 Like, if you get a DUI, you're done. 0.88
01:26:10.000 Oh.
01:26:10.000 It's over.
01:26:11.000 Really?
01:26:12.000 Yeah, you're done.
01:26:12.000 Yeah, dude.
01:26:14.000 I'm sober now, guys.
01:26:15.000 Can I take this thing up here? 0.99
01:26:17.000 Landing, plowing to somebody's fucking house? 1.00
01:26:19.000 No, you can't do it. 0.99
01:26:20.000 But now you can get a pilot's license.
01:26:22.000 You can now, even though you have a DUI. Yeah, wait, but I mean, it's not officially on my record.
01:26:28.000 Oh, okay.
01:26:28.000 So if you had the second one...
01:26:30.000 If I just got one.
01:26:31.000 I think once you're a licensed pilot, if you just get one, you just...
01:26:34.000 They just take it away.
01:26:34.000 It's gone, yeah.
01:26:35.000 Yeah, that makes sense. 0.99
01:26:37.000 Yeah, that's a fucked up thing to do when you're drunk. 0.99
01:26:39.000 Didn't, like, Patrick Swayze do that and he crashes plane drunk and then fucking run? 0.99
01:26:44.000 Didn't he do that, like, towards the end? 0.86
01:26:46.000 I'm pretty sure.
01:26:47.000 Well, I mean, if there's ever a time to leave a scene...
01:26:50.000 Well, I think he was...
01:26:52.000 I think it was when he had cancer. 1.00
01:26:54.000 I think when he had cancer, he just said, well, fuck it, let's just burn this baby down to the core. 1.00
01:27:00.000 I think he decided to just go out, guns blazing. 1.00
01:27:04.000 He did.
01:27:04.000 He didn't quit smoking or anything.
01:27:05.000 He really went out like, you know, I didn't see all the things he did, but he wouldn't stop smoking. 0.99
01:27:12.000 He's like, I don't give a shit. 1.00
01:27:13.000 Yeah, I think he just decided to just burn it out, just ride that bitch right into the rocks. 1.00
01:27:19.000 Which is his right. 0.99
01:27:20.000 I think, you know, that's how he wants to go.
01:27:22.000 Well, if you don't do that, you die eventually anyway.
01:27:26.000 Right.
01:27:26.000 You know, why not end the game when you want to end it?
01:27:37.000 It's hard to imagine that you wouldn't just try to clean your life up, try to soak some more life out, start eating kale and doing yoga and going on a juice cleanse.
01:27:49.000 But the phoniness of it, you'd probably be like, this isn't me. 0.99
01:27:52.000 I'm just doing this because of all this shit. 1.00
01:27:55.000 He likes smoking. 1.00
01:27:56.000 He likes drinking.
01:27:58.000 Christopher Hitchens, he died the same way.
01:28:01.000 I don't think he tried to clean himself up.
01:28:04.000 You know who that is?
01:28:05.000 I know the name.
01:28:06.000 Famous, intellectual, very famous atheist.
01:28:09.000 Oh, that's why I don't know.
01:28:10.000 Intellectual.
01:28:13.000 Brutally honest and articulate gentleman.
01:28:17.000 Wrote some great books.
01:28:18.000 He also had that very funny...
01:28:20.000 He read that Vanity Fair article, Women Aren't Funny. 1.00
01:28:24.000 And then backed it up with a video explaining why the women that are funny are all butchy. 1.00
01:28:30.000 They're all like men. 0.99
01:28:31.000 Because women don't need that sort of skill in order to attract men. 1.00
01:28:35.000 All they have to do is be nice and we like them.
01:28:37.000 But men need that.
01:28:38.000 It's pretty interesting because it got a lot of people pissed off.
01:28:41.000 Oh, I remember that, yeah.
01:28:42.000 Remember that?
01:28:43.000 Yeah, he's like one of the four horsemen of atheism.
01:28:46.000 He's like one of the more famous of the atheists with Dawkins and Sam Harris.
01:28:51.000 He seems like that guy is like one of those guys that gets a feather in your cap if he goes to your party.
01:28:56.000 Oh, yeah, for sure.
01:28:57.000 Socialites.
01:28:58.000 I was always fascinated by that.
01:28:59.000 Like, you could make a living doing that.
01:29:00.000 Oh, it's a socialite.
01:29:01.000 Yeah, it's just really great at parties.
01:29:03.000 So you just invite them and they...
01:29:05.000 Well, do you know anybody that's an artist that's involved in, like, the art scene where they have, like, art galleries and people go to galleries and you have to, like, become friendly and hobnob in these social circles with people that buy art?
01:29:16.000 Yeah, I don't know. 1.00
01:29:17.000 I fucking hate that shit. 1.00
01:29:20.000 I can't even tell you how much I hate museums. 1.00
01:29:22.000 If it's a car museum, or if it's got some tanks and shit in it, I'm like a little kid.
01:29:28.000 If it's stuff like that, I like it, but I don't look at a bunch of old plates.
01:29:32.000 Oh, worse.
01:29:33.000 You should go to the L.A. County Museum of Art.
01:29:35.000 LACMA, I think it's called. 1.00
01:29:37.000 It's the fucking worst. 1.00
01:29:39.000 It is the fucking worst. 0.99
01:29:40.000 They have a box, a plexiglass box, an empty box on the ground, and that's a piece of art. 0.99
01:29:46.000 It's roped off.
01:29:47.000 You can't go near it.
01:29:48.000 You can't touch it.
01:29:48.000 And I go, what is that?
01:29:49.000 Is that the art?
01:29:50.000 That's the art.
01:29:51.000 Yeah.
01:29:51.000 I go, well, what is it?
01:29:52.000 Well, it's supposed to represent space.
01:29:54.000 It's the artist's representation of the spaces encapsulated, and you just sort of, with your own imagination, you decide what's in it.
01:30:02.000 You don't want imagination.
01:30:03.000 You create it, because he's not going to. 1.00
01:30:05.000 It's shit. 0.99
01:30:06.000 There's one giant wall of videos, and the videos is like a guy throwing a basketball to another guy, and then another one, there's a guy who pulls a chair away from a desk and sits down, and then another one, a guy plops down on a couch. 0.99
01:30:19.000 It's just nothing.
01:30:20.000 It's just people doing shit, but it's all in a bunch of different videos that are spliced together on a big wall. 0.98
01:30:26.000 And like, this is art? 0.99
01:30:27.000 This is art. 0.99
01:30:28.000 Oh, and those big fucking canvases where they didn't draw anything. 0.99
01:30:31.000 They just scribbled all over the place. 1.00
01:30:33.000 Shit on it. 1.00
01:30:34.000 Or put paint on their chest and rolled around on it. 1.00
01:30:36.000 And it's just like, yeah, man.
01:30:38.000 It's so bad.
01:30:39.000 Yeah, I don't get any of that.
01:30:41.000 Like, what does that say to you?
01:30:42.000 What does it say? 0.98
01:30:43.000 And it's like, I don't know, that looks like the shit I used to draw when I was five years old. 0.99
01:30:47.000 My mother would put it on a refrigerator. 0.98
01:30:49.000 You know when you didn't know how to draw anything?
01:30:50.000 You'd just take every marker and zigzag with it?
01:30:53.000 You know Bob Gersh, the guy who owns the Gersh Agency?
01:30:56.000 I went to a party at his house.
01:30:57.000 He's got a house in Aspen, Colorado, a rich ski town.
01:31:05.000 Beautiful house. 1.00
01:31:05.000 I mean, fucking staggering house. 1.00
01:31:07.000 And he had this piece on the wall. 1.00
01:31:08.000 And I literally said, is this something his kid made?
01:31:11.000 Because it was framed.
01:31:13.000 Ah, that's awesome.
01:31:15.000 And they go, no, no, this is a They go, that's like $25,000. 0.99
01:31:22.000 I go, you've got to be fucking chitting me. 0.91
01:31:24.000 This cost $25,000 or whatever it cost. 1.00
01:31:27.000 It was so stupid looking. 1.00
01:31:29.000 It was like a bunch of pieces of paper that were crumpled up and painted different colors and they were glued onto a piece of paper. 1.00
01:31:35.000 Nah, dude, it's bullshit. 1.00
01:31:38.000 It's bullshit. 1.00
01:31:39.000 It's fucking bullshit. 1.00
01:31:39.000 It's total bullshit. 1.00
01:31:40.000 But why do people buy into it? 1.00
01:31:42.000 What is it?
01:31:42.000 Because what makes that art and the difference between of a kid...
01:31:46.000 Because a kid can't sit here and draw you how you sit.
01:31:49.000 Right.
01:31:49.000 Okay?
01:31:50.000 But those guys can and they choose not to.
01:31:52.000 That's...
01:31:53.000 That's...
01:31:53.000 That's what's in the brochure as to why that's...
01:31:57.000 The brochure?
01:31:58.000 As far as like their philosophy.
01:32:00.000 Right.
01:32:01.000 Like they're bored, man. 0.99
01:32:02.000 They don't want to fucking... 1.00
01:32:04.000 Draw faces anymore. 1.00
01:32:06.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:32:06.000 So they want to fucking do some abstract shit. 1.00
01:32:09.000 It's like, all right, but you got to kind of keep the face there. 0.99
01:32:11.000 You want to draw some funhouse mirror looking face?
01:32:14.000 That's fine.
01:32:15.000 But if you just want to take every color in your crayon box and just start scribbling around... 1.00
01:32:21.000 I mean, if you can get some asshole to pay 25 grand for that, all right. 1.00
01:32:24.000 Good for you. 1.00
01:32:25.000 Good for you, you know?
01:32:26.000 Well, how does one guy like that get super famous?
01:32:29.000 Like Jackson Pollock.
01:32:30.000 He's a perfect example.
01:32:31.000 I didn't even watch the movie.
01:32:33.000 It was an interesting movie.
01:32:34.000 And I love Ed Harris, but I didn't even see them.
01:32:37.000 I don't know anything about the guy.
01:32:39.000 But I just don't give it to somebody who takes a paintbrush and then splatters.
01:32:42.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:32:43.000 It's shit. 1.00
01:32:43.000 It's dog shit. 1.00
01:32:44.000 But they sell for like a million bucks. 1.00
01:32:47.000 Like an original Pollock is worth a fuckload of money.
01:32:50.000 Because you know why? 1.00
01:32:50.000 I think when you have shit like that, it makes people think that you're intelligent. 1.00
01:32:55.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:32:55.000 You're worldly. 1.00
01:32:56.000 You're cultured.
01:32:57.000 You need the colors, man.
01:32:59.000 It's like a warm kind of thing.
01:33:02.000 I don't get it.
01:33:03.000 I don't get it.
01:33:04.000 But I do get it when people collect cars.
01:33:06.000 Like I went to Jay Leno's place.
01:33:08.000 Have you been to Jay Leno's place?
01:33:10.000 I'll take you.
01:33:11.000 You want to go?
01:33:11.000 Yes.
01:33:12.000 It's the craziest shit ever. 1.00
01:33:13.000 He has 11 buildings. 1.00
01:33:15.000 What kind of pie does he like?
01:33:17.000 Whatever you want.
01:33:18.000 I bet he likes pumpkin.
01:33:20.000 The pumpkin smells wonderful.
01:33:21.000 He's got 11 buildings filled with cars.
01:33:24.000 That I totally get. 1.00
01:33:25.000 Like, if you're gonna spend your money on shit, that I totally get. 1.00
01:33:27.000 Yeah, he could have his own traffic jam on the 405. He could have... 1.00
01:33:31.000 I mean, it's legitimately better than any car museum I've ever seen in my life.
01:33:35.000 I've been to the...
01:33:36.000 What's the big one?
01:33:38.000 Is it off La Brea?
01:33:39.000 Peterson.
01:33:39.000 Is that the Peterson?
01:33:40.000 Yeah.
01:33:40.000 I've been to the Peterson.
01:33:41.000 It's very nice. 1.00
01:33:42.000 You can't fuck with Jay Leno. 0.99
01:33:43.000 Jay Leno's got way more space. 1.00
01:33:46.000 You know who has a sick car collection?
01:33:48.000 Ralph Lauren.
01:33:49.000 Does he?
01:33:50.000 Unbelievable.
01:33:51.000 They were doing a thing one time.
01:33:53.000 They were having this debate.
01:33:54.000 Are cars art?
01:33:56.000 So the whole thing was...
01:33:57.000 They were taking Ralph Lauren's... 0.97
01:33:59.000 Or how the fuck do you say his name? 0.99
01:34:01.000 Is it Lauren? 0.99
01:34:02.000 Lauren.
01:34:02.000 Lauren.
01:34:03.000 Ralph Lauren.
01:34:04.000 Ralph Lauren. 1.00
01:34:05.000 He's probably fucking Italian. 1.00
01:34:09.000 They fucking were trying to figure out how to get his cars into this museum. 1.00
01:34:14.000 It was one of those museums in New York. 0.99
01:34:16.000 Can we get it up to the second floor?
01:34:17.000 So half the documentary was about... 0.97
01:34:20.000 You know, just the physical endeavor, the physics involved of the crane they had to create to get these fucking cars into this museum without damaging other pieces, without ruining the integrity of the structure and all that shit. 0.96
01:34:30.000 But in the process, they were showing his fucking cars and did a brief interview on him on how he comes, you know, how he gets ideas for his clothing line off of, like, the lines of, like, these... 0.98
01:34:41.000 Dude, he had all, like, it was all, like, Ferraris, Lamborghinis, like... 0.99
01:34:45.000 Oh, wow, look at that. 0.99
01:34:47.000 Like, whatever the fuck that is. 0.99
01:34:48.000 I mean, it's just like old... 0.98
01:34:49.000 I think that's an old Jaguar.
01:34:50.000 I think.
01:34:51.000 But I don't know what it is in the back.
01:34:52.000 Dude, what is that on the back, right?
01:34:54.000 What is it?
01:34:54.000 There's a whole website for it.
01:34:55.000 Ralph Laurencarcollection.com Alright, so flip through a couple, if you don't mind.
01:35:00.000 No, please do. 0.99
01:35:00.000 Whoa, what the fuck is that? 0.99
01:35:02.000 Yeah, it's all like... 0.99
01:35:03.000 A Bugatti.
01:35:03.000 That's a Bugatti.
01:35:04.000 1938, and it's all, like...
01:35:06.000 Wow.
01:35:07.000 Pristine.
01:35:08.000 Look at that Bentley.
01:35:10.000 1929 Bentley.
01:35:12.000 God. 0.99
01:35:13.000 Wait till you get to his newer shit. 1.00
01:35:15.000 Look at that Mercedes. 1.00
01:35:16.000 Hold on.
01:35:16.000 Back up to that Mercedes.
01:35:17.000 Look at that thing. 0.92
01:35:20.000 19...
01:35:20.000 Whoa.
01:35:21.000 Look at that.
01:35:21.000 That's amazing.
01:35:23.000 1930 Count Trossi.
01:35:25.000 Oh, that's the sound of the engine?
01:35:27.000 Yeah.
01:35:27.000 Oh, you click on it.
01:35:28.000 You get the sound of the engine.
01:35:29.000 This is why their tanks were better than ours.
01:35:30.000 Look how pretty that is, though. 1.00
01:35:31.000 Our shit in 1930s is like, oh, God! 0.99
01:35:40.000 That's the exact sound. 1.00
01:35:41.000 Whoa, look at that thing. 0.92
01:35:43.000 An Alfa Romeo from 31. That's fucking beautiful. 0.99
01:35:46.000 No, and the whole thing, it's all mint condition, too. 0.98
01:35:49.000 Like, if they have, like, you know, those old leather straps that held down the hoods, like, there's not even, like, a piece of thread hanging out of it. 0.98
01:35:56.000 Look at this, fucking 55 Mercedes. 0.91
01:35:59.000 Yeah, those are worth, like, baby boomers paid, like, over a million dollars for those. 1.00
01:36:03.000 The Gullwing.
01:36:03.000 Leno's got one of those.
01:36:05.000 Oh, he's got everything.
01:36:06.000 I've watched almost every video on that Jay Leno's garage.
01:36:09.000 It's amazing. 1.00
01:36:10.000 His fucking garage is amazing. 0.99
01:36:12.000 No, because he's got the sickest cars, and he knows about them, and he brings people in, like, you know. 0.99
01:36:16.000 He had, like, Carroll Shelby in there.
01:36:17.000 Yeah.
01:36:18.000 Yeah, he's got everything.
01:36:20.000 Jay Leno's got several cars that are worth more than a million dollars.
01:36:24.000 And he keeps them at the airport, at the Burbank Airport, because Homeland Security guards the airport. 0.98
01:36:29.000 And he's like, if the alarm goes off, they fucking move in with tanks. 1.00
01:36:32.000 Like, they don't fuck around. 1.00
01:36:34.000 That's amazing. 1.00
01:36:34.000 Look at that Ferrari. 1.00
01:36:35.000 Click on that Ferrari, you just head right to the right of that.
01:36:37.000 Right to the right of that.
01:36:38.000 Look at that. 1.00
01:36:40.000 God, look at that fucking thing. 1.00
01:36:42.000 1962 GTO. Yeah, there's one of those. 1.00
01:36:44.000 I read this book one time called The Limit.
01:36:46.000 The Limit, and it was about the first American Formula 1 racer that won the Formula 1 championship. 0.98
01:36:53.000 And they were just talking all the shit that Ferrari would do.
01:36:56.000 For some reason, if you're going to race in the race, they had to make a certain amount of the cars available to the public, too. 0.98
01:37:07.000 They wouldn't be hopped up.
01:37:09.000 So what they did was they were required to make 100 of this one car.
01:37:13.000 In classic Italian, what they did was they just started numbering them at like 63, and they only made like 37 of them, and now the car's like super, super rare.
01:37:23.000 They just acted like that they made 100 of them, because they didn't come down and check it out.
01:37:26.000 They're like, yeah, there's 67, there's 83, there's number 100 over there.
01:37:30.000 All right, see you later. 0.94
01:37:32.000 No one ever said, where's number one through fucking 50 or whatever. 0.74
01:37:35.000 They started number, like, they knocked off, like, 40-some cars. 0.92
01:37:39.000 But the book The Limit's unreal, like, just as far as the fatalities.
01:37:43.000 Dude, these guys would be coming flying by, and, like, the crowd would be standing on the side of the road behind a rope, and someone would get hit, and they'd just go into the crowd and just kill people.
01:37:50.000 Ugh.
01:37:51.000 Look up that Count Vaughn Crash or something like that.
01:37:55.000 They have his fatal accident on YouTube.
01:37:58.000 He just goes into the crowd with his car.
01:38:01.000 Takes out a whole row of people.
01:38:02.000 He's still alive.
01:38:03.000 And he ricochets back out into the track, gets T-boned, and then I think ejected from the car.
01:38:07.000 I'm not sure.
01:38:08.000 But the American guy, when he got his first Ferrari.
01:38:11.000 Oh, here you go.
01:38:12.000 Watch this.
01:38:12.000 Look how old this is.
01:38:13.000 Right to the crowd.
01:38:14.000 Right to the crowd. 0.98
01:38:16.000 And he gets killed. 0.93
01:38:17.000 Oh, my God. 0.88
01:38:18.000 Yeah.
01:38:19.000 Watch this slow motion.
01:38:22.000 Oh, this is from the spectator's point of view.
01:38:25.000 Somebody who died.
01:38:25.000 Oh, my God.
01:38:26.000 That person died.
01:38:27.000 Jesus Christ.
01:38:29.000 Well, those cars, they're so primitive in the way they can handle and the way they moved and broke.
01:38:34.000 Like, when you lost in one of those cars...
01:38:36.000 I think that's him flying out on the left.
01:38:38.000 That might be him getting thrown from the car.
01:38:40.000 Dude, they got another one.
01:38:42.000 Oh, dude, they got some sick...
01:38:43.000 Oh, is that him laying there? 1.00
01:38:45.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
01:38:46.000 Dude, there's some sick ones. 1.00
01:38:48.000 There was, like, this one guy went to a spin and his fucking hood came off and, like, went to the crowd like a Chinese star and just, like, decapitated a whole row of people. 1.00
01:38:56.000 Like, shit like that happened. 0.99
01:39:00.000 Did you ever see LeMond? 1.00
01:39:01.000 The Steve McQueen movie?
01:39:02.000 There he is.
01:39:03.000 You saw him laying in the road. 1.00
01:39:05.000 These are all the spectators and shit. 1.00
01:39:08.000 All the people that got killed. 1.00
01:39:10.000 Yep.
01:39:10.000 That's horrific.
01:39:11.000 Look at that guy's limp arm hanging under the stretcher.
01:39:15.000 Yeah.
01:39:16.000 So anyway, so the American guy, when he first gets the car... 0.74
01:39:19.000 The last driver had just died in it, and there was a fucking hole drilled through the floor pan, because the guy got decapitated and bled out in the car, so they just drilled a hole in the bottom of it and drained it out.
01:39:31.000 And when you talk about primitive, you'd think they'd at least weld that over, because you wouldn't want the air to get in it for that extra hundredth of a second, but that's how he got the car. 0.97
01:39:40.000 Whoa. 1.00
01:39:42.000 That's a fucking sick book, dude. 1.00
01:39:43.000 They drained it through a hole in the floor. 1.00
01:39:46.000 Well, there was so much blood in there, you know?
01:39:49.000 Jesus Christ.
01:39:50.000 The book's called The Limit.
01:39:51.000 I gotta get it.
01:39:52.000 Did you see Steve McQueen, that movie Le Monde?
01:39:54.000 Have you seen that?
01:39:55.000 Long, long time ago.
01:39:56.000 It was like the 8 o'clock movie. 1.00
01:39:57.000 It's a good fucking movie. 0.99
01:39:58.000 They don't even talk for the first 10 minutes of the movie. 0.99
01:40:00.000 It's amazing.
01:40:01.000 They go through all these things.
01:40:02.000 People do things.
01:40:03.000 They're just doing stuff, setting things up.
01:40:05.000 Nobody talks.
01:40:06.000 It's amazing.
01:40:07.000 It's like those old movies were just so different.
01:40:09.000 So different what they could get away with.
01:40:11.000 Like the attention span that people had.
01:40:13.000 Yeah.
01:40:14.000 You know, like Bullet.
01:40:15.000 I saw Bullet recently too.
01:40:17.000 It's another one.
01:40:18.000 It's like long scenes where no one's talking.
01:40:20.000 Like there's this whole chase scene where Steve McQueen is running after this guy in the airport.
01:40:24.000 No one's talking.
01:40:25.000 Yep.
01:40:25.000 Just one thing after another thing and it's just, it's kind of realistic.
01:40:29.000 It's just, it feels different.
01:40:30.000 It feels different than what you're watching today. 1.00
01:40:32.000 I like that old shit. 1.00
01:40:33.000 Although I'm trying to get into new shit. 1.00
01:40:35.000 I'm sick of being the guy that likes old shit because it's such a pain in the ass to keep it going. 1.00
01:40:41.000 How so? 1.00
01:40:42.000 I got old drum kits.
01:40:43.000 I got an old truck.
01:40:45.000 I bought this old lighter.
01:40:47.000 Had to send it to some guy from Michigan.
01:40:49.000 The old stuff, there's something about it that you just can't recreate.
01:40:53.000 New things are cool, like a Tesla.
01:40:55.000 Those are cool.
01:40:56.000 They're cool to drive.
01:40:57.000 They're cool.
01:40:58.000 It's new.
01:40:58.000 But that 1968 truck you have, there's something about that, too.
01:41:02.000 Oh, it's cool.
01:41:03.000 But you know what it is? 0.99
01:41:04.000 You know what sucks is when somebody fucking... 0.99
01:41:07.000 How much I have to slow down just to go around a turn. 0.99
01:41:10.000 I just feel like the suspension is so primitive on it.
01:41:13.000 I feel like it's going to tip over.
01:41:15.000 Would you consider putting a modern suspension on it, or would you want to keep it original?
01:41:21.000 I, for the longest time, because when I got it, it was all original. 0.96
01:41:25.000 Three on the tree, drum brakes all the way around, the original radiator, the whole fucking thing. 0.93
01:41:30.000 So since then, I put an aluminum radiator in because those old ones ran a little hot. 0.94
01:41:34.000 Titus showed me how to do the front.
01:41:36.000 He basically did the brakes, but I did one side.
01:41:38.000 He was just telling me what to do.
01:41:40.000 You did it yourself?
01:41:41.000 Really?
01:41:41.000 Disks on the front, yeah.
01:41:43.000 Titus is a fucking nut with that shit. 1.00
01:41:44.000 He loves it. 1.00
01:41:45.000 Yeah, yeah, I know.
01:41:46.000 He's born to do it, man. 0.99
01:41:47.000 He's just, he's fucking great at it. 0.99
01:41:50.000 But then... 0.98
01:41:51.000 So you changed the brakes.
01:41:52.000 You changed that.
01:41:53.000 You changed the radiator. 0.99
01:41:54.000 Yeah, but then what happened, too, is I needed leaded gas, and it was a fucking pain in the ass, and somebody had put too much unleaded, and I put a little unleaded in there, and what ended up happening was... 0.98
01:42:05.000 The valves got a little gunked up and ended up cooking the valves. 1.00
01:42:09.000 So I just said, fuck it. 0.99
01:42:10.000 And we rebuilt the whole thing. 1.00
01:42:12.000 I say we.
01:42:12.000 I sent it to a guy.
01:42:13.000 He rebuilt the thing from the crankshaft all the way up to the carburetor.
01:42:16.000 And they came with the Autolite 2-barrel.
01:42:18.000 I now have a Holley 4-barrel on it, which is cool because the barrels are actually smaller.
01:42:22.000 So when I'm just cruising around, I get better gas mileage.
01:42:24.000 But if I step on it, I get that extra...
01:42:26.000 That sound you get from a 4-barrel.
01:42:30.000 Yeah, so it's... 0.99
01:42:32.000 I love, like Fast and Loud's one of my favorite fucking shows. 0.98
01:42:36.000 I watch all of those shows. 0.99
01:42:38.000 We were talking about that.
01:42:39.000 But I hate it.
01:42:39.000 So many of those shows are trying to be Fast and Loud.
01:42:42.000 Yeah.
01:42:42.000 So it's just like, I just wish that they would, you know, because, you know, it's a television.
01:42:46.000 They're like, all right, this is the formula.
01:42:47.000 We got to have this guy.
01:42:49.000 Yeah.
01:42:49.000 We got to have the Richard Rollins guy.
01:42:51.000 And then we got to have the other, you know, it's just, I wish they would just be themselves.
01:42:55.000 And like, you know.
01:42:57.000 Everybody builds different types of stuff, but like...
01:42:59.000 You're looking at it like an artist.
01:43:01.000 They're looking at it like they're just trying to make widgets.
01:43:03.000 Yeah.
01:43:03.000 Yeah, they're like, well, these widgets are selling if you make them orange in this size.
01:43:06.000 Like, I was devastated when that paint guy, KC, left. 0.99
01:43:09.000 I was like, fuck! 1.00
01:43:10.000 KC left? 1.00
01:43:11.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:43:12.000 Shit. 1.00
01:43:13.000 Are you making fun of me? 1.00
01:43:16.000 No, he left, but he did...
01:43:17.000 When they let him... 1.00
01:43:19.000 When they let him do his fucking thing, he did a lace top one time that was the shit. 1.00
01:43:24.000 He did another one when they were making a lowrider. 1.00
01:43:26.000 Like, when they would let him, rather than be like, paint it green, paint it black, you know? 0.94
01:43:31.000 Like, I really wish that he had done more, they'd let him do more, like, two-tone shit and stuff. 0.97
01:43:36.000 I like it! 0.95
01:43:39.000 That's funny to you?
01:43:40.000 It's funny because you get upset at your wife watching Bravo. 1.00
01:43:43.000 When you're watching this guy, I would appreciate it if he did more of a- He's a fucking artist! 1.00
01:43:47.000 He's not some fucking whore walking around making a porno that gets- How dare you! 1.00
01:43:53.000 You know what? 1.00
01:43:53.000 If I had some place to go, I'd walk out on this podcast right now. 1.00
01:43:57.000 Please don't.
01:43:57.000 I just turned my phone on because I want to show you this.
01:44:00.000 I bought this thing because I'm also a fan of old movies.
01:44:03.000 So, Humphrey Bogart's one of my favorites.
01:44:06.000 And I was watching this thing.
01:44:10.000 On the Maltese Falcon. 0.99
01:44:12.000 And he's got this thing, this cool thing in the beginning when he goes to light the fucking cigarette. 0.99
01:44:17.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:44:18.000 I thought it was a match he stuck in there.
01:44:21.000 And I thought it struck it.
01:44:22.000 But it's actually a metal wand with a little bit of flint or something on the end of it.
01:44:26.000 It's called a Ronson Touch Tip Lighter.
01:44:28.000 And I actually bought one and found a guy in Michigan that rebuilds the whole thing for you.
01:44:34.000 Really? 1.00
01:44:35.000 Yeah, this thing's foolish shit. 1.00
01:44:37.000 Jamie, pull that shit up. 1.00
01:44:38.000 Ronson Touch Tip Lighter. 1.00
01:44:40.000 Oh, here it goes.
01:44:44.000 Just say Humphrey Bogart, Maltese Falcon, I guess lighting his...
01:44:51.000 Oh, that's it right there.
01:44:53.000 Yeah, watch this thing.
01:44:58.000 Huh. 0.97
01:44:59.000 How fucking cool is that? 0.98
01:45:00.000 I just saw that. 0.97
01:45:01.000 I was like, what is that thing?
01:45:02.000 I gotta get one.
01:45:03.000 Do you use that to light cigars?
01:45:06.000 I have it more just as a showpiece.
01:45:08.000 Every once in a while, I get a real cigar smoker comes over.
01:45:11.000 I'll be like, alright, you want to see something cool?
01:45:13.000 And I'll actually break it out.
01:45:14.000 The real cigar guys, though, they want to use a lighter, they want to use a match that's a wood match, and then they want to light a piece of cedar.
01:45:23.000 Yeah.
01:45:23.000 And then they light...
01:45:24.000 So none of the chemicals enter the end of it.
01:45:26.000 They get really crazy with it.
01:45:27.000 Absolutely they do.
01:45:28.000 Yeah.
01:45:29.000 I have a locker with my business manager at one of those fancy schmancy places.
01:45:35.000 Yes, I do.
01:45:35.000 I've had one for 10 years.
01:45:37.000 I've got the same Cuban cigars in there for 10 years.
01:45:40.000 Anytime you want to go, let me know.
01:45:42.000 All right, here we go.
01:45:43.000 The Havana room.
01:45:44.000 Here it is.
01:45:45.000 Oh, really?
01:45:46.000 Yeah, I'll definitely go.
01:45:47.000 Let's go.
01:45:48.000 So here it is.
01:45:50.000 Oh, wow, that is pretty slick.
01:45:52.000 How cool is that?
01:45:53.000 Now, does it put any flavor on the cigar?
01:45:55.000 No.
01:45:56.000 No? 1.00
01:45:56.000 Not that I could tell, but I'm not the greatest when it comes to that shit. 1.00
01:45:59.000 Right. 1.00
01:46:00.000 I like it.
01:46:00.000 So, uh...
01:46:01.000 Oh, no, if you find a real cigar smoker, they think it's the shit. 0.98
01:46:05.000 They have all these different ones out there, I got some cigars here where they dried out. 0.98
01:46:08.000 They're from that Michael Dowd guy, who's from that documentary, The 7-5.
01:46:13.000 We just left him here.
01:46:14.000 We didn't put him in a humidor.
01:46:15.000 You know what that documentary is?
01:46:17.000 DePaulo turned me on to it.
01:46:19.000 It's a crazy documentary about police corruption in the 1980s in New York, during the crack epidemic. 0.98
01:46:26.000 And these guys are just fucking out of control, just completely out of control. 0.98
01:46:29.000 It's a crazy documentary. 1.00
01:46:31.000 Keeping all the money and shit? 1.00
01:46:33.000 Oh, not just that, just robbing people, being involved in drug deals, and just fucking insanity. 0.99
01:46:39.000 But one of the guys, Michael Dowd, just got out of jail a few years ago, and they put together this documentary, and now he does podcasts and shit. 0.98
01:46:49.000 And he came on and hung out with us.
01:46:51.000 You know what's funny? 0.97
01:46:51.000 When you go to jail for some serious shit, when you get out, there's like two jobs you can get. 0.97
01:46:56.000 It's either you can get into sales, you can like sell cars, they don't give a fuck, or you get into entertainment. 0.99
01:47:01.000 Or you go back to crime. 0.98
01:47:04.000 Yeah.
01:47:04.000 But dude, you could literally come out from a double murder.
01:47:07.000 For some reason, they let you out. 1.00
01:47:09.000 You could just go sign up for a fucking open mic. 0.99
01:47:12.000 And it's like, there's no background check. 1.00
01:47:15.000 You're in show business.
01:47:16.000 It's true.
01:47:17.000 Yeah, I've never heard of anybody coming out of jail for murder and going into comedy.
01:47:21.000 Have you?
01:47:23.000 But you could.
01:47:24.000 Well, there was that one guy who... 0.99
01:47:26.000 I don't know his fucking name. 0.99
01:47:28.000 I want to say he was on... 1.00
01:47:30.000 The fuck show was he on? 0.99
01:47:33.000 I remember him being on Letterman. 1.00
01:47:34.000 They were talking about he got into a fight and he killed somebody and went to jail.
01:47:38.000 And then he got out and was... 1.00
01:47:41.000 Oh shit, Don King. 1.00
01:47:43.000 Don King. 1.00
01:47:43.000 Don King killed two people. 1.00
01:47:46.000 One, I know he beat somebody to death.
01:47:48.000 Yeah, one of them I think he was acquitted for.
01:47:50.000 One of them I think they decided it was like self-defense.
01:47:53.000 And then the other one was a manslaughter charge.
01:47:56.000 He beat some guy to death that owed him money.
01:47:58.000 Like when he was a loan shark.
01:47:59.000 I think he stomped him to death.
01:48:01.000 I interviewed him.
01:48:03.000 I interviewed him for the UFC. I don't even know if it ever got anywhere.
01:48:07.000 I don't know if the UFC ever did anything with it, because I never saw it.
01:48:10.000 But it was a crazy interview, man.
01:48:12.000 He just doesn't answer questions.
01:48:14.000 Like, you go, okay, so what was it like, you know, blah, blah, blah.
01:48:17.000 He'll go, only an American can a man of my fortitude and magnitude and cum laude come down from what we're dealing with today is equality between the races and the sexes and women today.
01:48:30.000 They're suppressed and I'm affected.
01:48:32.000 I'm a feminist like he's like he's got this crazy thing He's covered with flags and he's dripping with diamonds.
01:48:39.000 I go I mean like covered with Tyson's one-man show.
01:48:43.000 Yes. 0.99
01:48:44.000 It's amazing how crazy and keeps keeps calling Don King yeah piece of shit He owes me a hundred million dollars. 1.00
01:48:51.000 He sounded like a comic talking about club owners. 1.00
01:48:53.000 That fucking piece of shit. 1.00
01:48:55.000 He fucked me on this gig. 1.00
01:48:56.000 You know, you never forget either. 1.00
01:48:57.000 Does he owe him a hundred million dollars?
01:48:59.000 Is that what he owes him?
01:48:59.000 Something like that?
01:49:00.000 I mean, who knows?
01:49:00.000 Yeah.
01:49:01.000 Who knows?
01:49:01.000 But I asked him, like, what's it with all the gold?
01:49:03.000 It's not gold, like, platinum or white gold.
01:49:05.000 He's covered in diamonds.
01:49:07.000 He's got, like, literally, like, hundreds of thousands of dollars in diamonds on him.
01:49:11.000 And he's like, that's for the ladies. 0.88
01:49:12.000 The ladies love it. 1.00
01:49:13.000 They love diamonds.
01:49:14.000 Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
01:49:16.000 He's just got an anecdote and a saying for every single thing.
01:49:21.000 He's just prepared and ready to go.
01:49:23.000 But you never get to the real guy.
01:49:25.000 You know, you just get to the show.
01:49:27.000 But you don't ever get to the real guy.
01:49:30.000 That's old school.
01:49:31.000 Yeah.
01:49:32.000 Well, he's as old school as it gets.
01:49:34.000 He's as old school as it gets. 1.00
01:49:36.000 Kills people. 0.98
01:49:37.000 Yeah, we did. 1.00
01:49:38.000 He was a fucking loan shark. 1.00
01:49:39.000 There you go. 1.00
01:49:40.000 I want to talk to you about Madison Square Garden.
01:49:42.000 You did Madison Square Garden. 0.99
01:49:43.000 What the fuck was that like? 0.99
01:49:44.000 It was amazing. 0.99
01:49:45.000 It was fucking awesome. 0.95
01:49:46.000 It's crazy. 0.98
01:49:47.000 I got my money's worth because I rented a drum kit and some amps and me and my friends came in. 0.97
01:49:53.000 The guys from the goddamn Comedy Jam, we came in. 0.97
01:49:56.000 And Ben Bailey, which is hilarious because me and Ben have been trying to get together to play for fucking ever. 0.99
01:50:01.000 And I finally, like, hey, I'm in New York.
01:50:03.000 You want to come and play?
01:50:04.000 Who's Ben Bailey?
01:50:05.000 Ben Bailey, Cash Cab?
01:50:07.000 Cash Cab guy?
01:50:07.000 You don't watch that?
01:50:08.000 Stand-up comedian?
01:50:09.000 No, no, no.
01:50:09.000 Oh, New York guy.
01:50:10.000 Well, I mean, he never lived out here, so.
01:50:13.000 What's Cash Cab?
01:50:14.000 Cash Cab was a TV show where you'd think you were getting into a taxi cab, and then you got in and all of a sudden you were on a game show.
01:50:21.000 Oh, really?
01:50:21.000 Yeah.
01:50:22.000 And I asked him about it.
01:50:23.000 I go, did anybody ever get pissed because they were going to the airport?
01:50:25.000 And he'd laugh.
01:50:25.000 He'd go all the time.
01:50:26.000 Dude, what the fuck? 0.99
01:50:27.000 I don't got time for this. 1.00
01:50:28.000 I thought this was a real cab. 0.95
01:50:29.000 But he had to get his real taxi hack license and all that type of shit. 0.66
01:50:32.000 It's really interesting, that whole thing. 0.94
01:50:35.000 But anyway, so we went in there at fucking from like 2.30 to 4.00. 0.79
01:50:39.000 In an empty Madison Square Garden. 0.97
01:50:41.000 Like we just fucking played all this arena rock, Motley Crue, Guns N' Roses and all that. 0.91
01:50:46.000 Did you film it? 0.90
01:50:47.000 Film some of it, sure.
01:50:48.000 What are you gonna do with it?
01:50:49.000 Ah, it's just for me, man.
01:50:51.000 Oh, you gotta put that on YouTube.
01:50:53.000 Now, so what? 0.53
01:50:53.000 Somebody can tell me I suck at my hobby? 0.53
01:50:55.000 No, because it's cool.
01:50:57.000 People who like you will think that's fun to watch a guy they like doing something that he always dreamed of.
01:51:02.000 I'll see if I can.
01:51:03.000 I want to see it.
01:51:04.000 I'll show you some pictures.
01:51:05.000 I want to see it.
01:51:06.000 So what is it, like 14,000 people in there?
01:51:09.000 Something like that.
01:51:10.000 But what was cool, because I went in there, and we played there, that it wasn't intimidating.
01:51:16.000 I felt like I kind of got in there, and I got the feel for the room.
01:51:19.000 Oh, right, right, right.
01:51:21.000 And when I went up, the lights were in my eyes, so I couldn't really see anybody.
01:51:28.000 So it wasn't bad.
01:51:30.000 It was weird, dude.
01:51:30.000 I was oddly not nervous.
01:51:32.000 And I went up, and I had a great time.
01:51:34.000 I was like...
01:51:35.000 After we played, I went back to...
01:51:38.000 I'm showing them pictures right now.
01:51:42.000 That's awesome.
01:51:44.000 A smile on your face.
01:51:46.000 Oh, yeah.
01:51:47.000 Oh, that looks so cool.
01:51:49.000 So, yeah, I just went back to my apartment, you know, right after that.
01:51:53.000 You keep an apartment in New York?
01:51:55.000 Yeah.
01:51:56.000 Do you?
01:51:57.000 How often are you out there?
01:51:58.000 Well, I bought a place back there a long time ago.
01:52:00.000 And you just leave it there?
01:52:01.000 Well, I had a tenant for a while.
01:52:03.000 I was renting it out to DeRosa.
01:52:05.000 And then once he left, it's like, I don't want to deal with having somebody else.
01:52:09.000 Like, I got the thing paid off.
01:52:10.000 It makes me a local hire.
01:52:12.000 If I ever get acting work, they don't have to put me up in a hotel. 0.93
01:52:15.000 Although, that's never fucking worked out for me.
01:52:17.000 I never get kicked out. 0.99
01:52:18.000 Everything's shot in, like, fucking New Orleans now. 0.99
01:52:20.000 Yeah, right? 0.99
01:52:20.000 I'm trying to find this. 0.99
01:52:21.000 There is a...
01:52:23.000 There is a clip here somewhere.
01:52:25.000 We just had the best time, man. 0.90
01:52:27.000 It was fucking awesome. 0.73
01:52:28.000 I'll play it for you when it's off the air. 0.88
01:52:30.000 That sounds like a fun gig.
01:52:32.000 It's one of those gigs that's an iconic place to perform.
01:52:36.000 It's not just a regular place.
01:52:39.000 Yeah, no, it's definitely totally lived up to the hype, but I went up there and I did 90 minutes, dude.
01:52:45.000 I did all of my jokes, and I said at one point that I didn't feel like leaving, but I did record it, and I'm going to do something with the recording of it.
01:52:52.000 I don't know what yet.
01:52:54.000 Like an audio recording or a video?
01:52:55.000 Yeah, just audio, not the video thing. 0.98
01:52:57.000 I just, you know, it's just little me on that giant stage, you know, with the fucking 200-foot curtain behind you. 0.91
01:53:03.000 I just don't think it looks good. 0.96
01:53:05.000 Did they have screens up so people could see you?
01:53:08.000 Yeah, they had all of that. 0.87
01:53:09.000 So it was fucking awesome. 0.91
01:53:13.000 And wire to wire, I had the best time. 0.96
01:53:15.000 DeRosa and Verzi opened up for me. 0.99
01:53:17.000 DeRosa had this fucking old lady sweater that he had on. 1.00
01:53:22.000 And it was bugging me when I was backstage, and then he was just up there and nobody heckled him for it, so I just went on stage, and the first thing I did was just shit on what he was wearing. 0.99
01:53:31.000 So it was very, like, you know, comedy club kind of vibe, and the people were just... 0.84
01:53:36.000 They were just in it from the second I got on there, and I... Yeah, I just woke up the next day.
01:53:45.000 There was no letdown.
01:53:46.000 There was nothing. 0.97
01:53:46.000 I was like, that was fucking awesome. 0.97
01:53:48.000 I did every joke I wanted to do. 0.94
01:53:49.000 I can't believe I got to do that.
01:53:51.000 It was totally one of the most satisfying things I ever did. 0.99
01:53:55.000 And then the next time I did stand-up, I was running like fucking... 0.72
01:53:59.000 20 people down at the comedy store, but there wasn't like that, oh, now what? 1.00
01:54:03.000 That dumb shit, I was just like... 1.00
01:54:05.000 Well, there's never that, right? 1.00
01:54:06.000 No, I know what's what. 1.00
01:54:08.000 Fucking write some more shit. 1.00
01:54:09.000 That's the thing about comedy as opposed to, I think, music, too, is that we always have to be... 1.00
01:54:13.000 You always have to perform.
01:54:15.000 You gotta keep banging at it.
01:54:16.000 You always have to keep coming up with new stuff.
01:54:18.000 Well, the guys that stay, like you, Chris Rock, Louis, you know, it's a handful of guys that never stop doing the clubs.
01:54:25.000 I even think those guys...
01:54:27.000 That once they get their following, where they just, you know, work out their shit in front of their own crowd, I think that even, that makes, it hurts you a little bit, because if you go down to, like, the comedy store, you know, as much as somebody, if they're a fan of comedy, might know who you are,
01:54:43.000 there's gonna be a bunch who don't, and there's gonna be people, and so...
01:54:46.000 And the energy is going to be different.
01:54:48.000 They don't feel like, oh, I paid to see Joe Rogan.
01:54:50.000 It's like, oh, cool, he's here.
01:54:51.000 And then after they get over the five minutes, then it's more difficult as opposed to if you're just doing your show and you're a headliner tonight. 0.92
01:55:02.000 I did Melbourne a couple weeks ago, and Melbourne's fucking great.
01:55:06.000 Yeah, it's awesome. 0.86
01:55:06.000 And I did the Comics Lounge on Friday night. 0.86
01:55:09.000 My theater shows were on Saturday night, but they have that comedy club in town, and we called up, let them know we're coming in, and they gave us a spot, me and Hinchcliffe, and it was fucking great because nobody had any idea I was coming there.
01:55:22.000 They weren't necessarily fans of mine, and I got just this fresh, packed crowd.
01:55:28.000 And legitimate response to your material.
01:55:31.000 That's awesome.
01:55:31.000 I also feel like there's something about knowing that the people aren't there to see you, it puts you in a different state of mind.
01:55:37.000 You tighten everything up.
01:55:41.000 You polish it up a little bit.
01:55:43.000 You make sure that your delivery is a little sharper.
01:55:45.000 Because you want to make sure you let them know.
01:55:47.000 You know that feeling that you would get when you first started?
01:55:50.000 When you'd open up, you'd have to open up strong. 0.99
01:55:53.000 Because these people are like, who is this fucking guy? 0.99
01:55:55.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
01:55:56.000 Like, you had to open up strong, and then once you got them, you get a couple laughs.
01:56:00.000 Then they get a little confidence in you.
01:56:01.000 Hey, this guy's pretty funny.
01:56:02.000 And then you could kind of carry it on.
01:56:04.000 So I kind of felt like that. 0.99
01:56:05.000 I kind of felt like coming out of the gate, like I had to have some good shit right away. 0.99
01:56:10.000 You know? 0.99
01:56:11.000 Yeah.
01:56:11.000 I think that's important.
01:56:12.000 I think that's important to do those random things.
01:56:14.000 You just show up at these places.
01:56:15.000 Yeah, you get soft if you don't.
01:56:17.000 Yeah.
01:56:18.000 Definitely get soft.
01:56:19.000 I know a lot of guys, they don't go to anywhere.
01:56:21.000 They just work out new material in the middle of their theater sets.
01:56:26.000 Yeah, I don't know how they do it. 0.97
01:56:28.000 If I'm on a roll, I'll fucking throw something out there like anybody. 0.97
01:56:31.000 The great thing coming up in the Boston scene was you got to see at a very high level what killing is. 0.98
01:56:40.000 There's just a lot of guys I've run into wherever they came up.
01:56:43.000 I don't know what the headliners were doing there, but Boston was like...
01:56:47.000 Death. 1.00
01:56:48.000 Yeah, it sounded like a fucking train was coming through the room. 1.00
01:56:52.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:56:52.000 When Noxie would start, would get on a roll, or Gavish Sweeney, and those guys, when they would get on a fucking roll. 1.00
01:56:57.000 To this day, people don't know. 0.98
01:56:59.000 They don't know.
01:57:00.000 It's hard to go, and you watch their YouTube clips, and you go, I don't see it.
01:57:04.000 You had to be there in, like, 1989. You had to be there when the thunder was happening.
01:57:09.000 Those guys were just on the top of their game.
01:57:12.000 People get tired of me talking about it on this podcast. 0.98
01:57:14.000 Dude, you know what was fucked up? 0.92
01:57:15.000 There was almost like a height requirement, too. 0.98
01:57:17.000 They were all, like, 6'2", 6'3".
01:57:19.000 All of those guys.
01:57:20.000 Lenny...
01:57:21.000 All of those guys are like at least six foot tall. 1.00
01:57:24.000 They were just big fucking guys. 0.99
01:57:26.000 And they were men. 1.00
01:57:27.000 They would punch you. 0.98
01:57:29.000 They would do coke.
01:57:31.000 Yeah, those stories of Lenny punched somebody out one time because he stole his joke. 0.99
01:57:36.000 Guy got off stage, he broke his fucking nose and then went up and closed out the show. 0.99
01:57:40.000 Yeah, Lenny was an animal. 0.99
01:57:42.000 He was one of the first guys, the first guy I worked for, where I opened for, Warren McDonald, who was, who was the guy who used to fucking do the open mic night? 0.96
01:57:52.000 Bill McDonald? 0.67
01:57:53.000 No.
01:57:53.000 Who was his name?
01:57:55.000 Michael.
01:57:55.000 Michael McDonald?
01:57:56.000 Yeah, he had the same name as the same guy with the ponytail.
01:57:59.000 No, no, it wasn't him.
01:58:01.000 George.
01:58:01.000 George McDonald, yes.
01:58:02.000 George McDonald used to host the open mic night.
01:58:04.000 His brother, Warren, took me on the road with him one night.
01:58:06.000 That was the first time I ever got paid.
01:58:08.000 The second time I ever got paid was opening for Lenny.
01:58:10.000 I was at Jay's in Pittsfield, Massachusetts.
01:58:13.000 Oh, God.
01:58:13.000 Did you ever work for Norm LaFoe?
01:58:15.000 Did you ever do any of those gigs?
01:58:16.000 Pittsfield, is that way out?
01:58:17.000 Yeah, west.
01:58:17.000 Like Lee?
01:58:18.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:58:18.000 It's north, northwest.
01:58:20.000 Yeah, kind of, yeah. 0.73
01:58:21.000 Not quite like Amherst way, but like, it was fucking boondock, but it was a great gig.
01:58:26.000 It was a great gig. 0.97
01:58:27.000 I fucking loved that gig. 0.96
01:58:29.000 It was so fun. 0.99
01:58:30.000 I remember doing Lee, Massachusetts, I think, for Jeff Apotheca.
01:58:35.000 Who's that?
01:58:36.000 You just call up, just back the day, you called up Answer Machines, and the Answer Machine would just go like, You've reached Jeff Apotheca.
01:58:42.000 No, you've reached Master of Ceremonies.
01:58:46.000 Jeff Apotheca.
01:58:47.000 Something like that.
01:58:48.000 And you're like, Hey, my name's Bill Barrero.
01:58:51.000 I'm...
01:58:52.000 I got 10 clean minutes.
01:58:54.000 I can do 15. You know, trying to get your spot.
01:58:57.000 So he booked me. 0.98
01:58:59.000 In Lee, Massachusetts, I remember it was exit two off of the Mass Pike and I went out there and it was the biggest fucking hell gig I ever did. 0.52
01:59:06.000 It was this restaurant area and then next to it was a function where a bachelor party was going on and there was no door between their room and where I was doing comedy. 0.99
01:59:16.000 So I was standing on stage and these guys started gathering from the bachelor party and just seeing this fucking redheaded jerk-off. 1.00
01:59:24.000 The baby face bombing in front of three people eating chicken pot pie. 1.00
01:59:30.000 And I was looking over.
01:59:31.000 I was like, I didn't get what was going on. 0.99
01:59:33.000 Because I was so dumb. 0.79
01:59:34.000 I was just like, hey guys, you want to come into the show? 0.97
01:59:36.000 There's plenty of seats.
01:59:37.000 I don't know why you got to stand over there, right? 0.99
01:59:39.000 And I fucking looked away. 0.97
01:59:41.000 And then I just heard, boom! 0.99
01:59:43.000 I turned around and somebody would throw this fucking dinner roll like 90 miles an hour at me and just miss me. 0.98
01:59:49.000 And I looked and they were all gone. 0.99
01:59:51.000 And then I was on the mic, you know, and I snapped, you know, as you always do when you're like that. 0.99
01:59:56.000 And I forget what the fuck. 0.99
01:59:57.000 I was saying a bunch of shit about them. 0.99
01:59:59.000 And then they started gathering at the door. 0.99
02:00:01.000 And then I was finishing my set. 0.98
02:00:03.000 And I was like, these guys are going to beat the fuck out of me. 0.86
02:00:06.000 And I'm looking at the owner. 0.96
02:00:07.000 Now, the owner told me before I went on stage, he goes, he goes, yeah, um...
02:00:12.000 Or the bartender says, he goes, yeah, this is the owner.
02:00:14.000 You know, he also does stand-up comedy.
02:00:16.000 And I was like, really?
02:00:17.000 And the guy goes, yeah.
02:00:19.000 He goes, I got like two and a half hours of material.
02:00:22.000 I go, oh yeah?
02:00:23.000 Two and a half hours?
02:00:23.000 He goes, yeah.
02:00:24.000 And after tonight, I'll have about three. 0.99
02:00:26.000 So I thought he was fucking with me. 0.97
02:00:28.000 So as I'm standing on stage, after they throw the fucking dinner roll and shit, and they're gathered over there or whatever, I'm trying to go back into my act, and I look out in the crowd, and I finally notice it, and the owner is sitting there writing down... 0.98
02:00:40.000 What I'm saying. 0.98
02:00:42.000 On stage.
02:00:44.000 And so long story short.
02:00:45.000 I ended up leaving.
02:00:46.000 Get off stage.
02:00:47.000 And I was just feeling them.
02:00:50.000 Like to the side of me.
02:00:51.000 As I was getting paid by this guy.
02:00:53.000 All I had to do was look at them. 0.99
02:00:55.000 And they were going to beat the fuck out of me. 0.99
02:00:56.000 It was one of those things where. 0.99
02:00:58.000 I had to literally just.
02:00:59.000 I so wanted to just. 1.00
02:01:01.000 Just tell them to go fuck themselves. 1.00
02:01:03.000 But I mean, I would have probably lost to one of them. 1.00
02:01:04.000 I'm not the best fighter, but I was fucking enraged. 1.00
02:01:07.000 And I just remember getting into my fucking 83 Ford Ranger, driving out of there, yelling at them as they were like, fuck yeah, you fuck! 1.00
02:01:16.000 All high-pitched and just driving home. 1.00
02:01:21.000 Screaming at my windshield as I was driving home. 1.00
02:01:24.000 What the fuck? 1.00
02:01:25.000 I have a fucking owner has a fucking bachelor party and you're writing down my material. 1.00
02:01:30.000 I had a total meltdown driving home and I had to be back at work the next day at like 7 in the morning. 1.00
02:01:36.000 But what got me through it was I came home that night.
02:01:39.000 And I either called Dane or Patrice, rest his soul, and I told the story and they were just laughing, which just brings you back down.
02:01:48.000 And then they go, ah, you know, I had this gig and this happened and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
02:01:51.000 But that's probably the closest I ever came...
02:01:55.000 Getting into at least wanting to get into like forgetting that I didn't know how to fight.
02:01:59.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
02:02:00.000 Like, you know, I mean, I could do some bullshit, but I mean, there's no way I'm taking on fucking five fucking guys, but I just remember them standing there. 0.99
02:02:07.000 I still remember the guy that threw the roll. 0.99
02:02:09.000 I still remember the smile on his face who he was just like Almost lustfully wanting me to fucking say something so he could just fucking beat the shit out of me like and that would have been one of those Boston beat downs where you Somebody fucking bites your ear off or something. 0.99
02:02:24.000 Like, there was always that story. 0.99
02:02:25.000 Dude, a kid I went to fucking high school, bit a guy's ear off. 0.99
02:02:28.000 Oof. 0.99
02:02:29.000 He was biting his ear, and the guy pulled his head away.
02:02:31.000 Oh, God.
02:02:32.000 Took that away. 0.99
02:02:32.000 I met another guy, another comic I knew, had his fucking tip of his nose broke, bit off. 0.99
02:02:38.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
02:02:38.000 He got into a fight at some frat, and he fucking hit this guy right in the nose, and the guy's nose fucking exploded, and his frat brothers grabbed him, and they wrestled to the ground, and this dude, he fucking... 1.00
02:02:48.000 Did it too. 1.00
02:02:49.000 Got on his chest and he goes, payback's a bitch. 1.00
02:02:52.000 And as they held him down, he fucking bit the end of the guy's fucking nose off. 1.00
02:02:56.000 Oh my god. 1.00
02:02:57.000 And that kid was a rich kid, so when they sued him and shit, like, uh, it... 0.99
02:03:02.000 They got like just enough money to reattach the fucking, the guy's nose. 1.00
02:03:07.000 Fuck! 1.00
02:03:08.000 Yeah, that's why I, those stories were always fresh in my fucking head. 1.00
02:03:11.000 It's why I stopped, I mean, I think like the last fight I had was at somebody's fucking, playing street hockey or something, so it was probably like junior high. 0.94
02:03:20.000 But after that, everybody hit a growth spurt, and that's when like blood and missing teeth started coming into fights, and I was just like, you know what, I think I'm going to stick with being funny. 0.65
02:03:28.000 Ha ha! 0.86
02:03:30.000 I didn't have that.
02:03:33.000 Despite my anger, I didn't want that to happen to me, and I didn't want to do it to somebody either.
02:03:39.000 I really didn't.
02:03:40.000 Well, if you saw enough of it, that stale, awful taste of violence that just sticks with you for weeks after it happens, it just shies you away from ever being involved in anything like that again? 0.99
02:03:52.000 I avoided all that shit when I was a kid. 0.95
02:03:54.000 Yeah, it definitely changes you if you... 0.99
02:03:56.000 Look, if somebody's picking on you and you knock them out, I think that's fucking great.
02:04:00.000 I think you'd feel good about yourself. 0.88
02:04:01.000 But there's something about like...
02:04:03.000 You know, just to have friends, their idea of a weekend was going out, getting into fights.
02:04:09.000 You want to go dogging?
02:04:10.000 You want to go dogging this weekend?
02:04:11.000 Dogging?
02:04:11.000 That's what you call it?
02:04:12.000 That's what they used to call it. 0.99
02:04:13.000 They'd do this shit where everybody had a chain in the 80s, so all of a sudden when shit was getting tense, they'd all be taking their fucking chains off and putting them in their pockets with their big Z-Cabarichis. 0.99
02:04:24.000 I mean, dude, it was fucking... 1.00
02:04:26.000 Insane. 0.99
02:04:27.000 I had those. 0.99
02:04:28.000 And then there'd be like those 20 on 20 fights and some chick would always try to run in and she'd always get fucking blasted in the face and then everybody would fucking run. 1.00
02:04:37.000 It was brutal. 0.99
02:04:38.000 It was fucking brutal. 0.99
02:04:38.000 I'm not saying this was all my friends. 0.99
02:04:41.000 This was just the environment. 0.55
02:04:43.000 And I never noticed how fucked up it was until about seven years after leaving Boston and really spending long periods of time away from there that I finally came back and went into a bar and just felt the vibe that somebody's gonna get suckered vibe. 0.85
02:05:01.000 And I was just like... 0.94
02:05:02.000 You just could feel it.
02:05:03.000 It was weird.
02:05:04.000 You could just feel it.
02:05:05.000 I was just like, wow. 0.99
02:05:06.000 I live in New York, and New York has this fucking crazy thing about riding subways and shit, and the Warriors, and you think all of that type of stuff. 0.98
02:05:12.000 But I don't feel that vibe in New York. 0.99
02:05:16.000 I think the great thing about New York is that the riding of the subway actually keeps it safer.
02:05:21.000 I think the fact that everybody's mixed in together, the fact that you're on foot...
02:05:26.000 There's no getaway car.
02:05:28.000 There's none of that.
02:05:29.000 You kind of had to, you know...
02:05:31.000 Be more civil.
02:05:31.000 Great word.
02:05:33.000 Exactly.
02:05:34.000 You had to be more civil. 1.00
02:05:35.000 Where that shit where you can just fucking go fucking nuts, throw a bottle at somebody, then jump in your IROC-Z and fishtail down the street. 1.00
02:05:45.000 I remember the first time I took Ari to Boston. 1.00
02:05:48.000 I took him to Faneuil Hall when they had the comedy connection up there.
02:05:52.000 Which is about the most pedestrian place you could have taken him to. 0.92
02:05:54.000 And still, filled with psychos. 0.96
02:05:57.000 All the bars down there are filled with psychos. 1.00
02:05:59.000 And as we're leaving, we're walking to the hotel, we're seeing fucking street fights left and right. 1.00
02:06:04.000 They were waiting in line at McDonald's. 0.98
02:06:06.000 They just decided to get out of there.
02:06:07.000 They're like, this is too dangerous.
02:06:08.000 We gotta get out of here.
02:06:09.000 And then he goes, you grew up here?
02:06:11.000 I'm like, this is the spot.
02:06:12.000 This is what it's like.
02:06:14.000 They fight here.
02:06:15.000 They fight here.
02:06:16.000 It's different.
02:06:16.000 Philly's got a creepy vibe too.
02:06:18.000 Same vibe.
02:06:18.000 Philly, late night, getting a steak and cheese, you start feeling like, somebody's going to catch one and it ain't going to be me.
02:06:23.000 I'm going to get this to go.
02:06:26.000 What is it?
02:06:26.000 Is it the cold weather?
02:06:28.000 Is it the ancestors of the people that came over on boats?
02:06:33.000 It's like they're all stuck in this...
02:06:34.000 I don't know.
02:06:35.000 There's a...
02:06:35.000 Because to me, New York, Philly, Boston, there's a through line of sameness to those kinds of people.
02:06:43.000 But I think the thing that struck me about New York was...
02:06:48.000 They used to try to equate it to the sports teams, that New York would win championships in Boston other than the Celtics didn't.
02:06:55.000 But now that we've fucking won a zillion in each, it still hasn't gone away.
02:07:03.000 What you were saying, how you have to act more civil... 0.94
02:07:07.000 There just is that thing in New York where everybody is in tight quarters.
02:07:14.000 So there's a level of common courtesy that you have to sort of abide by or you're not going to survive. 0.99
02:07:23.000 You can't walk around being like those fucking guys late at night when you're going to get that slice. 0.99
02:07:31.000 You know, to absorb the alcohol so you can drive home, which was so fucking nuts back then. 0.99
02:07:36.000 You're not going to survive doing that. 0.83
02:07:39.000 There, you're just not going to.
02:07:41.000 So people, I feel like they behave more civilly, but sports people try to make it about the Yankees and Red Sox and how...
02:07:49.000 It was so funny to me.
02:07:51.000 Boston has an inferiority complex.
02:07:53.000 It's like, dude, they don't even know New York exists.
02:07:57.000 You don't understand.
02:07:58.000 The same way New Yorkers are all about New York, Boston is all about Boston.
02:08:02.000 They know New York. 0.99
02:08:03.000 New York knows Boston, but they don't know shit about each other. 0.95
02:08:06.000 Unless you've been there and lived there, you're not thinking about it. 0.97
02:08:09.000 You're thinking about your life, your chick, your world.
02:08:11.000 You're not going like, you know...
02:08:13.000 Yeah.
02:08:13.000 I wish we won World Series.
02:08:15.000 Yeah, you don't even think about it until the playoff series happens.
02:08:19.000 So I think that that whole thing was just like a romantic version of it.
02:08:24.000 But I really just think of socially when you have a city like New York.
02:08:29.000 I mean, look at LA. Shit, everybody's in cars. 0.99
02:08:32.000 You don't talk to anybody. 1.00
02:08:34.000 People are fucking shooting each other on the freeways. 0.99
02:08:36.000 There's that thing when you're in your car. 0.99
02:08:37.000 You just feel like...
02:08:39.000 Like, outside of your car, it's a movie.
02:08:41.000 It's not really happening, and then all of a sudden your car won't start, and then it's like, oh, this is really happening.
02:08:46.000 Also, I think the separation of the classes in New York is different, because everybody gets together on the subway.
02:08:52.000 Rich people, poor people, they're all together, walking down the street together.
02:08:56.000 In L.A., there's none of that.
02:08:57.000 There's very few interactions between people from Beverly Hills and people from Compton or people from, you know, East L.A. Oh, there's none, unless there's like a benefit. 0.98
02:09:07.000 Or some shit, you know what I mean? 0.84
02:09:09.000 There's some political thing and somebody's down there. 0.99
02:09:11.000 That's, yeah, 100% true.
02:09:13.000 It's a big problem with the culture here. 0.98
02:09:15.000 There's a great fucking documentary. 0.98
02:09:18.000 Which, of course, I don't remember the name of it. 0.99
02:09:22.000 What's his face?
02:09:24.000 Forrest Whitaker does the voiceover for it.
02:09:27.000 I believe it's Forrest Whitaker.
02:09:28.000 And it's just about the history of the Crips and the Bloods. 0.91
02:09:32.000 But what's cool about it is it starts off and it outlines the neighborhoods.
02:09:36.000 You know, you always hear Compton.
02:09:38.000 You hear Watts.
02:09:39.000 You hear all these.
02:09:39.000 But you don't really know where it is.
02:09:41.000 You know, it's south or whatever.
02:09:43.000 But when they would say it, they'd show a map and then they would outline the neighborhood.
02:09:46.000 But...
02:09:47.000 But they just showed how, like, with, like, racism, how they got, where they got all African Americans to live, and just all the stuff they built.
02:09:55.000 But it was a really interesting thing as far as, like, neighborhoods in L.A. because L.A., when you come out here, I still, after being out here for eight years, there's no center to the city.
02:10:06.000 It's just, like... 0.96
02:10:08.000 It's just this sprawling fucking thing that makes no sense. 0.97
02:10:12.000 You know, like, the original center of L.A. was supposed to be Long Beach? 0.99
02:10:15.000 Which makes sense.
02:10:16.000 You'd want to have it on the water.
02:10:18.000 Really?
02:10:18.000 Like, most major cities.
02:10:20.000 Yeah.
02:10:20.000 Like, that's where it was supposed to be.
02:10:22.000 Like, that...
02:10:22.000 Whatever that...
02:10:23.000 Pier is out there.
02:10:25.000 That's like the second or third largest one in the world, I think.
02:10:28.000 Like, just the amount of product that goes in and out during the course of the day.
02:10:32.000 So, like, the major downtown area was going to be there.
02:10:34.000 But it was just like...
02:10:36.000 L.A. very subtly is one of the most gangster towns...
02:10:43.000 Yeah.
02:10:51.000 Yeah.
02:10:53.000 Yeah.
02:11:02.000 Like, what they did with Dealey Plaza, which I actually think they went overboard. 0.98
02:11:05.000 They kept the entire fucking plaza the exact same. 0.95
02:11:08.000 You walk there, you feel like in the Zapruder film. 0.99
02:11:10.000 It's weird.
02:11:10.000 But, like, they did the Ambassador Hotel.
02:11:13.000 That's where he got whacked, right?
02:11:14.000 Well, they crushed it.
02:11:15.000 They took it down there.
02:11:16.000 We used to film Fairfax there. 0.97
02:11:18.000 I was going to say, they used to film shit in there, and then they took that out, and now it's like condos or a school or something. 0.98
02:11:23.000 Something like that. 0.98
02:11:23.000 I think somewhere there's a little plaque, like, oh, by the way, By the way, Robert Kennedy got killed here. 0.98
02:11:29.000 We walked through the kitchen where he got shot.
02:11:31.000 We were hanging around there when we were filming there.
02:11:34.000 We were just trying to figure out where he got shot.
02:11:36.000 We're like, I think it was like right here.
02:11:38.000 Yeah, they didn't have it roped off.
02:11:40.000 There was no memorial. 0.99
02:11:41.000 Nobody gave a shit. 0.98
02:11:42.000 Nope. 0.99
02:11:43.000 Yeah, that hotel was creepy.
02:11:45.000 It wasn't being used for a long time.
02:11:48.000 It was just for filming stuff.
02:11:50.000 There's a lot of those things like that.
02:11:51.000 Do you know the original LA Times building was a terrorist act?
02:11:54.000 It was blown up.
02:11:55.000 I forget why.
02:11:56.000 I was reading this thing about it.
02:11:57.000 But there's no information that I can find on the internet where the original one is.
02:12:01.000 There's no plaque downtown.
02:12:03.000 It just didn't happen.
02:12:04.000 All right, it's over.
02:12:05.000 Clean it up.
02:12:06.000 Bury him. 1.00
02:12:07.000 Let's just fucking move on. 1.00
02:12:09.000 Well, I remember from... 0.98
02:12:10.000 Remember the Sopranos episode where they were talking about how many actual shipping containers they actually inspect?
02:12:17.000 Like what a small percentage of shipping containers are going to get inspected.
02:12:21.000 I thought about that when we were filming Fear Factor in Long Beach, too, because we used to film there all the time.
02:12:25.000 And we used to be there, and we'd just see these gigantic ships coming in, these cargo ships filled with these containers... 0.93
02:12:32.000 Who knew what the fuck was in each one of those things? 0.96
02:12:34.000 And they were all right there, just coming in, big giant boats full. 1.00
02:12:39.000 Everything from bootleg shit, drugs, blood diamonds, people to work in fucking rub and tug. 1.00
02:12:47.000 Prostitutes. 1.00
02:12:47.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:12:48.000 Yeah, yeah.
02:12:48.000 All on these little weird little boxes.
02:12:51.000 L.A.'s a strange place.
02:12:52.000 It's strange when you watch those old movies about L.A. But it's also great.
02:12:55.000 I fucking love it out here. 0.89
02:12:57.000 It's amazing. 0.98
02:12:57.000 It is a great scene. 0.98
02:12:58.000 I also love New York, but I... Kind of learned, because the first time I lived out here, I hated it, but I just learned that I was not going to hate where I was going to live.
02:13:05.000 Like, I was going to give it a fair shot, you know what I mean?
02:13:09.000 And it's, you know, the driving is obviously the worst part of it. 0.97
02:13:14.000 Both the traffic and just how fucking awful the drivers are out here. 0.98
02:13:17.000 They're just so fucking... 1.00
02:13:19.000 They're maniacs on the highway. 1.00
02:13:21.000 Yeah. 0.82
02:13:21.000 And then when they get off, it's like they took a pot cookie. 0.82
02:13:24.000 Like them making a right-hand turn, how fucking long it takes. 0.93
02:13:27.000 Or if somebody's car is just a little in their lane, how they have to stop. 0.99
02:13:32.000 They can't just fucking drive around. 1.00
02:13:34.000 God forbid your fucking tires go into... 1.00
02:13:36.000 There's nobody coming. 1.00
02:13:36.000 Just go. 1.00
02:13:37.000 They won't go. 0.97
02:13:38.000 It's just fucking unreal. 0.99
02:13:40.000 They're terrible with the left lane. 0.99
02:13:41.000 That's a bad one.
02:13:42.000 Like, people get in the left lane, they never move out of it.
02:13:44.000 They're straight up terrible.
02:13:45.000 Yeah. 0.84
02:13:45.000 They're just terrible. 0.84
02:13:47.000 It's unreal. 1.00
02:13:47.000 And then they get on the fucking highway, and they will drive past you 100 miles an hour, past you on the right. 1.00
02:13:52.000 And you're trying to get off. 0.99
02:13:54.000 That's why you're supposed to pass on the left, because people are trying to get off.
02:13:56.000 You've got to go, like...
02:13:58.000 The amount of times people flip me off. 0.99
02:14:00.000 It's like, dude, I'm trying to get off this fucking thing. 0.99
02:14:01.000 You're passing me on the right. 0.99
02:14:03.000 There's like no... 0.95
02:14:04.000 I think because people who like commute on the highway, it's such a motherfucker every day that if they see any bit of daylight, they just pin it and try to go as far as they can before they're going to come to a dead stop again. 0.60
02:14:16.000 Just to deal with their frustration.
02:14:18.000 I don't know.
02:14:19.000 Yeah.
02:14:19.000 These are just all theories, Joe.
02:14:21.000 I have no idea.
02:14:22.000 Do you think you could live in New York again?
02:14:23.000 Or do you like living out here?
02:14:25.000 I could live outside of the city.
02:14:28.000 Once you get a house and you don't have to worry about where I'm going to park. 0.91
02:14:32.000 I don't think people who've never lived in a city understand how fucking great it is.
02:14:37.000 To just drive home, pull into your driveway. 0.96
02:14:40.000 Yeah.
02:14:41.000 Right? 1.00
02:14:41.000 And just shut the fucking car off and go in. 1.00
02:14:44.000 No, I am a... 1.00
02:14:46.000 No, I don't think...
02:14:48.000 I would live outside of the city.
02:14:49.000 I love New York.
02:14:52.000 And...
02:14:52.000 Like Westchester or something?
02:14:54.000 Yeah, whatever.
02:14:55.000 Long Island?
02:14:56.000 Someplace up there.
02:14:57.000 I don't know, Long Island.
02:14:58.000 That's a hall.
02:14:59.000 Yeah, and there's just a lot of meatheads out there. 1.00
02:15:02.000 I just... 1.00
02:15:03.000 It's like you're either fucking... 0.99
02:15:04.000 Yeah, you're either like... 1.00
02:15:07.000 You're either like a Freemason or you're like the dumbest person ever. 1.00
02:15:10.000 That's my experience with Long Island. 1.00
02:15:12.000 And that's doing like the comedy clubs or like...
02:15:15.000 It's either like you got the money to live in the Hamptons and like, you know, Tom Hanks is at your brunch every other week or like...
02:15:24.000 Like Howard Stern. 1.00
02:15:25.000 Or, yeah, you got these fucking... 0.99
02:15:27.000 Yeah, you either got that kind of money or you just... 0.99
02:15:31.000 I don't know.
02:15:32.000 You know, I did a lot of hell gigs out there, so I probably shouldn't judge it that way.
02:15:35.000 I did a lot of hell gigs in Long Island, too.
02:15:37.000 Long Island was brutal.
02:15:39.000 Jersey hell gigs and Long Island hell gigs I think were worse than the ones that I did in New England, because at least in New England, I was part of the same drinking water.
02:15:47.000 Right. 0.98
02:15:48.000 It was the same meathead that we were running to when you went to fucking some gig in Western Mass or up in fucking God knows where in New Hampshire or something. 1.00
02:15:55.000 Maine. 0.99
02:15:56.000 Maine gigs were weird.
02:15:57.000 Oh, just all those, what are all those, M-Towns? 1.00
02:16:01.000 Malden, Medford, all of those fucking... 0.99
02:16:06.000 Somerville. 1.00
02:16:07.000 Somerville now is like...
02:16:09.000 Nice.
02:16:09.000 It's gentrified.
02:16:10.000 It used to be called Slummerville when we used to do... 0.99
02:16:13.000 Yeah, there's like hipsters and cupcake shops and all that shit. 0.99
02:16:15.000 Seriously, they're a... 0.99
02:16:17.000 Handcrafted coffee.
02:16:18.000 But like, yeah, like Revere.
02:16:20.000 Yeah.
02:16:20.000 East East.
02:16:21.000 East Boston.
02:16:22.000 I lived in Revere. 1.00
02:16:22.000 All of those fucking places. 1.00
02:16:23.000 Those gigs were brutal. 1.00
02:16:25.000 Revere was a brutal spot.
02:16:27.000 That's one of the most brutal spots still, I think.
02:16:29.000 I don't think that place has been gentrified.
02:16:33.000 Malden, Medford, and there was one other one.
02:16:34.000 I lived in Medford.
02:16:35.000 Yeah, all on the scene.
02:16:37.000 Lynn.
02:16:37.000 I did gigs in Lynn.
02:16:39.000 Lynn was a rough one, too. 1.00
02:16:41.000 I think Connecticut's the worst, though.
02:16:42.000 Because Connecticut's depressing to me.
02:16:44.000 Like, Massachusetts was okay, because that's where I was living.
02:16:47.000 It felt normal to me. 0.98
02:16:49.000 Like, even if it was a hell gig, I was like, ah, whatever, it just sucks.
02:16:52.000 But there's something depressing about Connecticut where, like, Connecticut always feels like there's no hope.
02:16:56.000 Like, it doesn't feel like a real state.
02:16:58.000 It feels like a highway between Boston and New York. 0.92
02:17:00.000 And then these people just living on the highway and then they would come to gigs like to this day like I did one of the casinos a few years back we did a You know a weekend at the casino and I was like I don't ever want to fucking do this again. 0.62
02:17:13.000 This is horrible One of those one of those Indian casinos I was like this this place is fucking depressing these people are like what you want to do next time you stay in New York and Then you go to the west side you just chop her over To it. 1.00
02:17:29.000 Chopper over to Connecticut? 0.99
02:17:30.000 Yeah.
02:17:30.000 Do you chopper everywhere now?
02:17:31.000 It would be just a straight line.
02:17:33.000 Like if you went to New York, would you rent a chopper and fly?
02:17:36.000 No.
02:17:37.000 No?
02:17:37.000 I wouldn't.
02:17:38.000 Why not?
02:17:38.000 I wouldn't because I'm not familiar with the airspace.
02:17:41.000 I'm not familiar with the amount of work that I would have to do.
02:17:46.000 And then also, you can get lost up there really easily.
02:17:49.000 You know what I mean?
02:17:50.000 And plus, you're also like...
02:17:52.000 I mean, dude, there's three international airports there. 0.97
02:17:54.000 So that's all Bravo, Airspace, Psycho, fucking, what are you doing here? 0.97
02:17:59.000 Right, right, right. 0.99
02:18:00.000 Type of stuff.
02:18:00.000 So when you transition Bravo, Airspace over by LAX, there's specific...
02:18:09.000 Like, rules of, like, hardcore, like, you have to say your whole tail number, and the guy has to repeat your entire tail number.
02:18:16.000 And if he doesn't, you gotta repeat, you gotta say your whole tail number, just making sure, you know, November 323, Sierra Hotel, you know, clear the transition, you know, 500 feet Sepulveda, whatever, right? 0.96
02:18:26.000 But, you know, you go by regular fucking airports, it's not that, but the level of traffic that they're, I mean, you're talking about, you're in the vicinity of something, you could kill 300 people, plus people on the fucking ground, so it's like... 0.98
02:18:38.000 And you. 0.99
02:18:39.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:18:39.000 Well, I mean, I look at it, if I did it, then fuck me. 1.00
02:18:43.000 You know what I mean? 1.00
02:18:44.000 Because I'm an idiot. 1.00
02:18:44.000 I'm the idiot who did it. 1.00
02:18:47.000 So if I was to rent something there... 1.00
02:18:49.000 And the other thing, too, is you have no idea what's going on with that helicopter, either.
02:18:55.000 Where I fly out of, I fly the same place where they taught me.
02:18:59.000 And those guys, it's a great school.
02:19:01.000 And, you know, the 90% of the flying of those helicopters is basically done with an instructor in there.
02:19:09.000 So they're looking...
02:19:13.000 Really?
02:19:22.000 Yeah.
02:19:29.000 Wow. 0.95
02:19:30.000 Yeah, and the overhaul is a zillion fucking dollars, which is why if you ever look at a helicopter, like, why is this thing only 30 grand? 0.97
02:19:36.000 It's because it's due for an overhaul. 0.92
02:19:38.000 And how much does an overhaul cost?
02:19:40.000 Like hundreds of thousands.
02:19:42.000 Hundreds?
02:19:43.000 Yeah, it's like you almost got to buy the thing again.
02:19:45.000 Wow.
02:19:45.000 And so you have to do that every 2,200 miles?
02:19:48.000 2,200 hours.
02:19:49.000 2,200 hours.
02:19:50.000 2,200 hours of flight.
02:19:52.000 But here's the thing.
02:19:53.000 So if something has 1,500... 0.91
02:19:56.000 Hours on it, but somebody's been flying it like a jerk-off like just fucking yanking the guts out of the fucking thing is then what happens is is that 2200 hours where something could go wrong now becomes 2000 hours or 1800 hours because the thing about mental fatigue is Like a weld failing or something like that, 0.93
02:20:15.000 is you can't see that until it basically happens. 0.99
02:20:19.000 So if somebody is flying it like an asshole and they're not maintaining it, you know, like if, you know, you give somebody a fucking car and they change the oil, keep it lubed up and all that, and they're not redlining it, that car's going to last 10 years. 1.00
02:20:32.000 You give it to some fucking jerk-off and they just start it up and step on it, it's a shitbox within fucking a couple of years. 1.00
02:20:40.000 So that... 1.00
02:20:43.000 It's, for me anyways, like, just the hours that are on it is just the first thing.
02:20:49.000 I need to know, like, I'd have to know the school, I'd have to know who's been flying the fire.
02:20:53.000 There's no fucking way I would, I wouldn't, I just wouldn't.
02:20:56.000 So, do you own your own helicopter, or you rent one? 0.95
02:20:59.000 No.
02:20:59.000 You rent one?
02:21:00.000 No, I rent.
02:21:01.000 I can't justify doing that, so I can just fly over Dodger Stadium.
02:21:04.000 Oh, that was cool, and put it back down, you know?
02:21:07.000 But you fly to gigs, right?
02:21:09.000 Like, didn't you fly to San Diego for a gig?
02:21:11.000 Yeah, I flew down, and I flew down with an instructor, because it was the first time I was doing it, I wasn't familiar, and he was handling a lot of the radio and the calls and that type of shit, but I flew the thing, and I flew an R44, which is a four-passenger, it's fucking awesome.
02:21:25.000 So you go down there, does he come with you to the gig?
02:21:28.000 Oh yeah, yeah, it was perfect. 0.99
02:21:29.000 Him and his brother came, and then Kevin Shea rode in the back, and they had a great fucking time.
02:21:37.000 It would have been cool if we could have landed right at the venue, but what it was, was it was in this canyon area, and there was a bunch of high wires, and by the time we got out, it was going to be nighttime, and we didn't want to fly out of that. 0.94
02:21:47.000 So that was the only sort of buzzkill.
02:21:49.000 What's it like flying at night?
02:21:51.000 Oh, I got video, dude. 0.95
02:21:52.000 It's fucking unreal. 0.68
02:21:53.000 It's really, it's really, it's a beautiful thing, dude. 0.99
02:21:57.000 Flying out over the ocean and just seeing the shit that's out there, that's left, compared to what the fuck we did to it. 0.99
02:22:03.000 But like, just the amount of times I've flown out over there and I just see, like, looking down, like, what the fuck is that? 0.99
02:22:08.000 And then you look up a couple hundred yards and somebody's sitting on a surfboard. 0.96
02:22:12.000 Waiting to catch a wave.
02:22:13.000 You want to be like, dude, there's something that could swallow you whole.
02:22:15.000 Like, what'd you see?
02:22:16.000 I don't know what it was.
02:22:17.000 Like, a shark or something?
02:22:18.000 I don't know what...
02:22:19.000 I mean, you're...
02:22:19.000 It's weird.
02:22:20.000 Like, when you're up high, like, you know, 1,500 feet or whatever, when whales come up, like, when they're just right at the surface, because their body is obviously all wet, when the sun hits it, they look like almost like glow sticks. 0.89
02:22:30.000 It's really fucking weird. 0.87
02:22:31.000 Yeah. 0.98
02:22:32.000 Like, almost like a... 0.99
02:22:33.000 I don't know what the fuck. 0.99
02:22:34.000 Is it a caterpillar that glows? 1.00
02:22:36.000 One of those fucking glowing things. 1.00
02:22:37.000 That's what it looks like. 0.99
02:22:37.000 But when you're down low, there's been a couple of times... 0.99
02:22:39.000 And I've had buddies, too.
02:22:41.000 I know a guy, he was doing...
02:22:42.000 You know, he was flying the thing out for a shoot.
02:22:45.000 And then he's really yanking the guts out of it, you know, just on that one flight. 0.98
02:22:48.000 But he said he fucking was coming back around. 0.97
02:22:50.000 They were filming like a boat race. 1.00
02:22:51.000 And he fucking came around like that. 0.99
02:22:52.000 You know, he was on his side. 0.99
02:22:53.000 He looked down.
02:22:53.000 He went, whoa!
02:22:54.000 It was a big fucking great white shark. 0.99
02:22:57.000 Um, near the surface. 0.99
02:22:59.000 I mean, they weren't like real low to the ground. 0.95
02:23:00.000 I mean, they're like, you know, 500 feet up, but like you can't miss, you can't miss a 30 foot, 25 foot fucking, uh, great white or something. 0.77
02:23:08.000 I don't think I've ever seen a great white, but I've seen like, you can't believe in, maybe it's cause we're up in the air. 0.98
02:23:13.000 It seems like it's closer to the coast, but you can't believe what the fuck is, dude, that's like literally like no one would walk into the jungle. 0.98
02:23:23.000 You know what I mean? 0.98
02:23:23.000 Because you're like, dude, there's like tigers and lions and cobras in here. 0.98
02:23:26.000 I'm not doing this shit. 0.98
02:23:27.000 But the ocean is the water version of a jungle. 1.00
02:23:30.000 And you're just walking into this shit. 1.00
02:23:32.000 And your head, where your fucking eyes are, where you can see everything. 1.00
02:23:36.000 Would you ever walk into a jungle? 1.00
02:23:38.000 Like, you know when somebody finishes their basement?
02:23:40.000 You know, you can push your head through those tiles?
02:23:41.000 Right.
02:23:42.000 Have one of those on your head, and you can't see where you're going.
02:23:44.000 And just walk into the jungle.
02:23:46.000 You would never do that.
02:23:47.000 Right. 0.80
02:23:47.000 Dude, the ocean is absolutely fucking terrifying to me. 0.80
02:23:50.000 And... 0.91
02:23:52.000 I will never, never, ever go in it.
02:23:55.000 So one time I did a flight to Catalina Island.
02:23:59.000 And we're literally...
02:24:00.000 When you do that, man, you're flying over water.
02:24:03.000 It's a single engine.
02:24:04.000 So you got to have flares. 1.00
02:24:05.000 You got a fucking life jacket on and shit. 1.00
02:24:07.000 And that was the only thing I was worried about. 1.00
02:24:09.000 I was just like, dude, I'm not even worried about dying right now.
02:24:13.000 I'm worried about... 1.00
02:24:14.000 Crash landing into this shit, living, and then waiting to fucking die. 1.00
02:24:19.000 It doesn't happen often, but when it happens, I never forget it. 1.00
02:24:22.000 There was a guy just a couple of years ago, I think maybe just last year in Santa Barbara, a surfer got killed by a great white. 0.98
02:24:28.000 And my favorite story was a guy in San Diego training for a triathlon.
02:24:32.000 It was him and a few other people. 0.99
02:24:34.000 They were all in a row, and they were all swimming in this fucking whopper. 0.98
02:24:38.000 They said it had to be like 18 plus feet. 0.99
02:24:40.000 Came along, bit the guy in half in front of everybody and just severed him in half. 0.91
02:24:46.000 Killed him right there. 0.99
02:24:48.000 Just bled out. 0.99
02:24:49.000 Everyone screaming.
02:24:50.000 That's the best way.
02:24:50.000 And they all swam away.
02:24:52.000 The best way? 0.87
02:24:53.000 Yeah, just bite me in half. 0.98
02:24:54.000 Get it over with. 1.00
02:24:55.000 Dude, if I saw a shark coming at me, I would fucking swim towards my head. 1.00
02:24:59.000 Just shove it right in there. 1.00
02:25:00.000 I'm not going to have you take a bite of my leg and see if I'm edible.
02:25:04.000 And see if you can get a tourniquet on it before you can hobble to shore. 1.00
02:25:07.000 No, fuck all that. 1.00
02:25:08.000 Fuck all of that. 1.00
02:25:09.000 Yeah, it's a weird way to go. 1.00
02:25:11.000 It is a crazy thing because if...
02:25:14.000 Sharks and monkeys, dude.
02:25:16.000 That's it, dude.
02:25:16.000 I'm with you.
02:25:17.000 That fucking ripped that woman's face off. 1.00
02:25:20.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
02:25:20.000 Dude, you know when they fight each other? 1.00
02:25:22.000 They fucking twist the foot off and they fucking yank the fucking ball bag off. 1.00
02:25:30.000 That's the first thing they go for. 1.00
02:25:31.000 Fuck that. 1.00
02:25:32.000 They know what makes you a person. 1.00
02:25:34.000 They know your fingers.
02:25:35.000 They go for your fingers.
02:25:36.000 They tear your fingers off.
02:25:37.000 They bite them off. 1.00
02:25:38.000 They bite your balls off. 1.00
02:25:39.000 Yeah. 1.00
02:25:40.000 They're ruthless.
02:25:41.000 They think, too.
02:25:42.000 That's the problem.
02:25:43.000 They're thinking.
02:25:43.000 Dude, my dog thinks.
02:25:45.000 Forget about those things.
02:25:48.000 Dude, that is like... 0.99
02:25:51.000 You know like when there's just that big guy in a bar who's a fucking psycho and you're just sitting there going, I wish there was somebody big enough to fucking handle this so I can feel better? 0.99
02:25:59.000 Like, that's that times a thousand. 0.99
02:26:01.000 If a chimp just goes... 1.00
02:26:02.000 You know, one of the guys, bringing it back to F is a fan, one of the guys that I work with got attacked by a monkey one time when he was a kid.
02:26:09.000 And to this day, he had the funniest thing.
02:26:12.000 He goes, I hate when I go on shoots and there's monkeys. 0.99
02:26:14.000 He goes, I fucking hate it. 0.98
02:26:16.000 He goes, because what's going to happen is, you know, you're going to get two or three takes. 0.99
02:26:20.000 Everybody knows. 0.99
02:26:21.000 He goes, you do two or three takes, and then after that, the monkey's just going to do whatever the fuck it wants to do. 0.99
02:26:26.000 And then the handler's going to try to get it back under the hood or whatever the fuck it's doing. 0.99
02:26:32.000 And, yeah, he... 0.98
02:26:36.000 I've never heard any good things about monkeys.
02:26:38.000 When we were in Costa Rica, we were staying at this nice resort, and they had monkeys.
02:26:42.000 The howler monkeys?
02:26:43.000 Howler monkeys.
02:26:44.000 Oh, they're the worst. 0.82
02:26:45.000 And there was the other ones, just pale-faced monkeys. 0.95
02:26:47.000 They weren't the howler ones.
02:26:48.000 Howler ones don't come close to you, but the other ones, these little white-faced monkeys. 0.99
02:26:51.000 Yeah, but they won't shut the fuck up. 0.99
02:26:52.000 I was in Costa Rica, and fortunately we didn't have those, but we wanted to rough it. 0.97
02:26:58.000 My wife was just like... 1.00
02:26:59.000 Yeah, I just want to go out in the middle. 0.98
02:27:00.000 We fucking slept under a mosquito net, dude. 0.96
02:27:03.000 Where? 0.99
02:27:03.000 In the jungle? 0.99
02:27:05.000 Put it this way.
02:27:06.000 We did a zipline tour through the northern part of the rainforest. 1.00
02:27:08.000 We did that shit. 0.99
02:27:09.000 That's awesome. 1.00
02:27:10.000 Yeah, we were right there. 0.99
02:27:10.000 So we're staying under this fucking mosquito net. 0.99
02:27:14.000 And we have, like, United States of America bug spray in, like, the rainforest. 1.00
02:27:19.000 And they're just laughing at the shit. 1.00
02:27:21.000 It's like... 1.00
02:27:23.000 It's like I'm shooting a pellet gun and the guy's got a.44.
02:27:26.000 Dude, it was like I might as well put A1 on me. 0.98
02:27:29.000 Dude, I had welts all up and down and they were biting the shit out of us. 0.96
02:27:32.000 And I remember like the second day... 0.99
02:27:37.000 These fucking army ants just took over our fucking little... 1.00
02:27:41.000 I don't even know what you'd call it. 1.00
02:27:42.000 There was like these expatriates had a fucking... 1.00
02:27:44.000 Literally this giant tree fort that they lived in. 0.99
02:27:46.000 And then they had these little bungalows that you had to walk up a ladder to get into. 0.99
02:27:50.000 And these fucking things just took over the place. 0.99
02:27:54.000 And the guys like came walking. 1.00
02:27:56.000 I go, yeah, I came out. 0.98
02:27:57.000 There's like a fucking thousand ants in there. 0.99
02:27:58.000 Like they were all in single file. 0.99
02:28:00.000 And he just came watching.
02:28:01.000 He goes, yeah, those are the army ants.
02:28:03.000 He goes, yeah, you just can't do anything about it.
02:28:05.000 We're standing there looking at them.
02:28:07.000 And I got like these flip-flops on.
02:28:08.000 And he goes, you can't do anything about them.
02:28:10.000 You just got to let them pass through.
02:28:11.000 It'll take a couple of hours.
02:28:13.000 And he goes, watch out, though.
02:28:14.000 They bite. 1.00
02:28:15.000 And right as he said that, one of them fucking bit me. 1.00
02:28:17.000 And I was just like, dude, you got to be fucking kidding me. 0.99
02:28:20.000 So they had a monkey. 0.99
02:28:22.000 They had a spider monkey.
02:28:24.000 A pet?
02:28:25.000 Yep.
02:28:25.000 Not really a pet.
02:28:26.000 I mean, not a pet by its choice.
02:28:28.000 But he hung out.
02:28:29.000 They had it as a pet by their choice.
02:28:33.000 The monkey was a prisoner.
02:28:35.000 Oh.
02:28:36.000 So he's in a cage.
02:28:38.000 So I went over there.
02:28:39.000 No, it's sitting on top of what looks like a birdhouse. 1.00
02:28:42.000 So like an asshole, I walk over to this fucking thing, like giving it food and everything, and it fucking jumps on me. 1.00
02:28:49.000 In two seconds, it jumped on me. 1.00
02:28:52.000 Inverted, had its tail wrapped around my neck, reached into my pockets, took my bungalow keys, and then ran up the fucking tree with the keys to my bungalow so I couldn't fucking get into it. 0.99
02:29:02.000 And it all went down in like fucking like.3 seconds. 0.99
02:29:08.000 The thing just went right up the bucket and I was standing there. 0.99
02:29:12.000 Feeling subhuman.
02:29:13.000 I was like, I just got outsmarted by this thing.
02:29:15.000 Like, this is one for their side.
02:29:16.000 And the monkey was up there looking at me. 1.00
02:29:18.000 And I know it's fucking laughing at me going like, oh, you dumb motherfuckers. 1.00
02:29:22.000 Keep it right in your right front pocket. 1.00
02:29:24.000 I get it every time. 1.00
02:29:25.000 So then I was sitting there going like, all right, all right, motherfucker, right? 0.99
02:29:29.000 You want to have a battle of wits? 1.00
02:29:31.000 Here we go.
02:29:32.000 So I get some food, right? 0.99
02:29:35.000 So I come down, and I know, I'm judging its fucking leash, how far it can jump. 0.99
02:29:40.000 So I get all the way back down on its little fucking birdhouse, which was probably about three feet long. 0.98
02:29:45.000 So I'm sitting there walking with the food, and it knows I want the key. 0.99
02:29:48.000 And it's actually holding the fucking key away from its body, seeing if it can have its cake and eat it. 1.00
02:29:53.000 Like a fucking human being. 1.00
02:29:55.000 So, yeah. 1.00
02:29:56.000 Wow. 0.97
02:29:56.000 So I get the food, and what I did was I set it I took a big chunk of whatever the fuck it was, so it would need two hands. 0.97
02:30:06.000 So it set down my keys. 0.99
02:30:07.000 So it set down the keys on the other side of the fucking thing. 0.98
02:30:11.000 And then it was walking, it was slowly walking towards it. 0.99
02:30:14.000 And right as it got to the food, this is why I'm a sadistic asshole, right as it got to the food, I fucking slapped the food off the house so it would be out of its reach. 1.00
02:30:22.000 And then I grabbed the fucking keys and ran. 1.00
02:30:26.000 And this thing fucking leapt at me. 1.00
02:30:29.000 Screamed. 1.00
02:30:31.000 I swear to God, I could feel its breath. 0.99
02:30:33.000 And I fucking made it away to the other side of it. 0.99
02:30:37.000 And it was fucking pissed at me. 0.99
02:30:39.000 And I was standing there. 1.00
02:30:40.000 This is the middle of Costa Rica going, yeah, fuck you, motherfucker. 1.00
02:30:43.000 Fuck you, right? 1.00
02:30:44.000 So here's the funniest part, right? 1.00
02:30:47.000 So I go to my bungalow. 0.99
02:30:49.000 And I'm fucking still kind of pissed at that fucking thing. 0.99
02:30:53.000 And I go in, unlock the door, and I'm sitting there for like 20 minutes reading a book or whatever. 0.99
02:30:59.000 And then I just got, I don't know, I just started thinking about the monkey. 0.61
02:31:02.000 And I fucking looked out the window and it was sitting there all by itself looking all sad and everything. 0.94
02:31:07.000 And then I felt bad. 0.98
02:31:08.000 So then I went and I got food.
02:31:10.000 And I didn't have my keys this time.
02:31:12.000 And I actually kind of made friends with the thing after that.
02:31:14.000 But I felt when I saw it all lonely and she was like, you know what, this thing's a prisoner. 0.99
02:31:17.000 It doesn't want to fucking be here and I'm being a dick. 0.99
02:31:19.000 I gotta give it the food. 0.99
02:31:21.000 So I gave it back to her.
02:31:22.000 Yeah, I felt bad.
02:31:23.000 That's a happy ending.
02:31:24.000 That's a happy ending.
02:31:26.000 I felt bad.
02:31:26.000 I don't got it in me.
02:31:27.000 Aw, that's cute.
02:31:29.000 In the moment, I do.
02:31:30.000 You know what else is cute?
02:31:31.000 F is for family.
02:31:32.000 Yes, let's end it on that.
02:31:33.000 Okay. 0.99
02:31:34.000 Because that's a fucking fantastic story. 0.98
02:31:36.000 And F is for family, December 18th. 0.99
02:31:38.000 Yep.
02:31:38.000 Billburr.com.
02:31:39.000 Is that your website?
02:31:40.000 Yes, it is.
02:31:41.000 Billburr on Twitter.
02:31:42.000 Six episodes, and thanks to everybody involved with the show, Netflix, Mike Price, everybody over at Wild West, Vince Vaughn, Peter Billingsley, Mike Lagnese, Victoria Vaughn, all those guys, everybody that helped me out.
02:31:55.000 And we'll definitely be tweeting it the week it comes out, let everybody know when it comes out.
02:31:59.000 I'm thinking people will get it.
02:32:00.000 I hope they're going to like it.
02:32:01.000 It's hilarious.
02:32:02.000 The preview's hilarious. 0.76
02:32:03.000 I know it's going to be fucking awesome. 0.67
02:32:05.000 Cool. 0.53
02:32:05.000 Alright, brother. 0.53
02:32:06.000 Thank you very much, man.
02:32:06.000 It's always a pleasure.
02:32:07.000 Let me know what you think of the pie.
02:32:08.000 It smells great.
02:32:09.000 I can't wait to dig in.
02:32:11.000 Alright, buddy.
02:32:11.000 I'm going to give you some elk, too.
02:32:12.000 Don't leave without it.
02:32:13.000 Alright, folks.
02:32:14.000 We'll see you soon.
02:32:15.000 Later.