This week, the boys are joined by a special guest, Allison Shula, a stand-up comedian from the West Palm Beach Improv. We talk about how she got her start in comedy, how she's been with the boys for 6 years, and how much she's grown since then. We also talk about the new chairs we got at Ari's house and how they're going to be used in the future. Also, we discuss how much money it takes to be a professional photographer and why we should have a website with all the pictures we've taken of each other over the past 6 years. And of course, there's a new segment called "The Joe Rogan Experience" where we get to hear some of our favorite moments from the past and present. We hope you enjoy this episode and can't wait to do it again next week! -Joe Rogan and the Boys Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Subscribe to the pod and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Have a question, suggestion, suggestion or topic request? or a rant about anything else you d like us to feature on the next episode? tag us on Insta: and we'll get back to you in the pod! Thanks again for listening and sharing it! :) Timestamps: 5 stars! 5 stars is much appreciated and really really helps spread the word out there about the podcast. Thank you so much love you guys. I appreciate it. -Timestamps 6 stars is a lot of love 7 stars 8 stars is all over the world 9 stars 10 stars is enough 11 stars is more than enough, thank you enough, enough is enough, really really means it really means the world to thank you, really appreciate it, really mean it really does mean it 12 thanks you really much appreciate it really really much, really much more than you appreciate it <3 - Thank you, bye, bye XOXO, bye. xoxo, bye! -JOE ROGAN <3, bye -JOBY, EJOGAN XO -Elliott & JOBY xOJOGA -ROBBIE -SORRY FOR ALL THE LOVE AND KIM
00:11:10.000There was no 48-year-olds that were built like that when I was a kid.
00:11:14.000When you were 48, you were someone's dad and maybe had old man strength in your arms, but you probably had a pot belly or at least a little bit of a gut, and you were probably scary because you would hit someone first.
00:11:25.000But no one looked like fucking Herschel Walker.
00:11:28.000He doesn't look like an old man that you shouldn't fuck with.
00:11:31.000What, is he like a Bowflex body or something?
00:12:25.000Yeah, so maybe the part that works out is different than the part that talks, and the part that talks doesn't get access to all the information.
00:15:10.000You just had five cheese pizzas one night or something?
00:15:12.000I was 15 years old, and in the lunch line they had these cheese and egg bagels that were so good, so I got one and I ate it, and I was supposed to meet this guy I had a crush on after school, and I'm walking to his house, and halfway through I'm like...
00:17:03.000The first couple days is good, but it's kind of not healthy that milk just sits in your fucking refrigerator for two weeks and doesn't go bad.
00:17:10.000That seems like the worst milk you could ever drink, though.
00:17:12.000That seems like the most hardest core milk ever.
00:17:14.000Okay, I watch Dirty Jobs, you know, on TV. That show's awesome.
00:17:43.000Get a little poo in your body and then you can fight off disease better.
00:17:46.000We had this podcast last night, the Naughty Show podcast number two.
00:17:49.000We had this porn star on and she was talking about how she, right after, she was, I forget what it was, she was getting fucked in the ass or something like that.
00:18:02.000Never in life should you ever be in a position to be like, I was getting fucked in the ass or you know, whatever, whatever.
00:18:49.000And then he fucked her in the mouth, and then in between shoots, she had to go to the bathroom, and she said she spent for like 15 minutes picking shit out from her teeth.
00:20:17.000I mean, literally, you can go on like ujizz.com and look up loads in the mouth and there'll be like a fucking hundred thousand videos of girls with their mouths open and guys jerking off in their mouths.
00:20:27.000She goes to this website you need to check out, because every time she's on it, I'm just like, wow, that's a cool video.
00:20:32.000But I have a feeling it's one of those websites that everybody goes to, and I was just the last to know about it.
00:21:20.000So they're like playing the cello while they're both looking at each other and they're like trying to be hardcore and stuff and then it starts going...
00:27:56.000Before the internet was around, you know, like back when, you know, you had to like find things in magazines or, you know, it's like, it was a lot different.
00:28:03.000If you wanted to see some weird shit, you had to really, really go out of your way to see it.
00:30:21.000The way one person's brain works and another person's doesn't.
00:30:24.000I was telling you guys about this before we started the podcast and I saw this horrible video online of this two kids that are skateboarding in front of this guy's house.
00:30:32.000And the guy comes out to tell them to stop skateboarding.
00:30:57.000When you think that an argument between someone who wants a skateboard and some guy who doesn't want to hear noise can turn into some man gunning down someone's children.
00:31:18.000Marco that I was telling you about, he was walking in North Hollywood and some guy just came up to him the other day and just put a gun to his head and was like, give me your wallet and your cell phone.
00:31:35.000Look, man, it's a fucking nutty world, and as the economy gets shittier and shittier, people get more and more desperate, and more and more things like this are going to happen, unfortunately.
00:34:33.000But, you know, why do all that hard lifting when you can just be some badass in some fucking wooden-faced, wooden-lyriced movie, you know, that just makes $100 billion in the box office?
00:34:43.000He's the master of those expendable type movies.
00:34:45.000At least they didn't put some Jersey Shore guy in there.
00:36:02.000Well, that's what these reality shows are.
00:36:03.000It's like a bunch of scientists putting a bunch of rats in a little glass cage and like, let's see the males mate with all the females and fight.
00:36:10.000They're sending Josie Shore to Italy for Season 4. They just announced in, like, whatever the Italian-American interest group UNICO or whatever said that they're just pissed.
00:37:34.000It's from a world where you grow up around people like that, and that kind of behavior is acceptable.
00:37:38.000I mean, I never lived in Jersey Shore, but I was born in Newark, and I lived in New Jersey, and I have relatives from New Jersey, and I grew up in Boston, and that behavior is a lot more fucking common than you think.
00:37:51.000You know, and if everybody in your house behaves like that, it's always like, Joey, what the fuck is this?
00:37:56.000Man, you don't fucking see I'm on the phone here!
00:37:59.000If that's every day, I mean, that's a real, those are real live people out there, man.
00:38:03.000There's a bunch of people that, that's their every day, yelling and screaming shit at each other.
00:38:07.000Come on, bro, this fucking guy doesn't know who I am, bro.
00:39:20.000If you're born into that situation, what the fuck?
00:39:23.000You know how hard it must be to try to not be that?
00:39:25.000If you're growing up around your dad and you're in a tight-knit family, so they're all together, they all act just like each other, and there's fucking ten of them in a house.
00:39:32.000For real, those are very family-oriented people, the Armenians.
00:40:13.000And the place where I get my haircut, which is like Fantastic Sam's or $8 haircut type place, and there are Armenians in there too that are all the family members of the guys that are playing poker outside.
00:40:23.000And so they kind of like know who you are from just going to Starbucks every day.
00:40:29.000So I sit down, and it's the most uncomfortable haircut ever.
00:40:32.000It feels like I always think that she's going to take the scissors and just stab it through my head.
00:40:37.000So that's what I'm thinking when I'm getting my haircut.
00:41:51.000When you get stuck with one of those motherfuckers and you realize, like it starts off as a normal conversation, like, what's going on, man?
00:42:29.000I even saw once when this waitress at the Ice House, Pasadena Ice House, this waitress was talking so much, finally he goes, please, you're giving me an ear beating.
00:43:19.000Some people need those checks, because they're always going to do it unless somebody says something.
00:43:24.000Wouldn't it be fucking badass if you could test drive people's brains, if you could be like, I wonder how dumb this motherfucker really is.
00:43:30.000Can I just climb inside your head for five minutes?
00:43:32.000Well, you'll be able to rent it someday, probably.
00:46:20.000They keep this alien baby at this laboratory, and it grows into a full-grown human in a couple of months, and they just keep it in the basement.
00:46:29.000And they're just hanging out with her in the basement.
00:46:31.000Now, all of a sudden, she's a chick, and she's kind of hot, except her eyes are too far apart.
00:46:35.000That's the only thing that you can tell.
00:46:36.000So this thing is maybe three months old, and it's an attractive woman thing, and it gets scared, but if it wants to, it can kill you.
00:47:41.000And then, at the end of the movie, it becomes a male.
00:47:44.000Something happens, something happens, it goes through some, really, it's not feeling well, and some weird, they think it's gonna die, and it becomes a male.
00:47:51.000And Andrew and Brody have sex with it.
00:47:52.000Yeah, and the male starts jacking, and I think it kills Andrew and Brody at the end.
00:50:16.000Yeah, man, you might have cost yourself 50 million bucks.
00:50:19.000I was doing tech support two months ago, and as I was working from home, I'd watch horror movies over and over again, just random ones on Netflix.
00:50:27.000And I would watch probably two a day, to the point where two weeks went by, and I'm like, I need to switch it up.
00:50:33.000I've been watching this shit too much.
00:53:04.000Yeah, that Shutter Island one, it looked badass and it seemed kind of interesting, but when you found out that he was crazy, like halfway, there was one point in time when you kind of knew that things were a little wonky.
00:53:16.000Like, okay, all of a sudden we've entered into this unrealistic, like, how's he climbing up these mountains, you know, and by the ocean.
00:53:23.000Remember that part by the ocean when he climbed in the cave?
00:55:12.000And he's been in a bunch of different films.
00:55:14.000So anyway, he's performing the scene, and he'll come in and hit it his way, but there's all these, no one knows who this guy is, right?
00:55:21.000So there's all these, like, suits in the room, and these guys with, like, fucking expensive cufflinks and Rolex watches and suspenders, and they're giving this dude, literally giving him takes, like, do it like this.
00:55:32.000Like, when you walk in, I want you to...
00:55:36.000I watched this guy do this and I'm like, this is what happens when these motherfuckers get power.
00:55:41.000All of a sudden they think that they're creative.
00:55:43.000All of a sudden they want to influence these funny people making their shit.
00:55:46.000Just because you've backed a bunch of movies and you've got a bunch of successful movies under your belt doesn't mean you know how to make something funnier.
00:55:53.000But they all just want to get their greasy fingerprints on it.
00:56:20.000It's like, say if someone was building a car, they were making a Porsche, and you're like, I don't like the way this front end looks, but I want the front end to stick up like this, like a cobra, like it's coming at you.
00:56:32.000And they'd go, that doesn't work, because there's aerodynamics.
00:57:55.000I thought it was like, you know, there's a big article, I think it was Vanity Fair, some dude that Travolta used to bone just talked about how he would just go to bathhouses and shit and just hook up with dudes.
00:58:07.000Remember the family guy, the last family guy, I think it was, where it shows the grease where they fly out into the air, you know, like in the car, and it was like the bonus scene that they cut out of the movie where they're just like, Oh my god, it's cold up here!
00:58:41.000If he was, I totally understand him not wanting to tell people because of his business.
00:58:45.000You don't get to play the lead in movies if they know you're gay.
00:58:48.000Because there's just a big chunk of America, like, you know, fucking probably like 30 or 40 percent is just not going to go see a movie where John Travolta is kissing girls and has a girlfriend or a wife if you know that he's gay.
00:59:00.000Don't you usually get to a certain point in money, at least, where you don't need to worry about not getting lead roles anymore?
00:59:08.000You could still probably make money, especially if you're gay.
00:59:19.000One of the reasons why certain alleged organizations protect their members from homosexual rumors and anybody finding out that they're gay is because they're trying to protect them as a business.
00:59:31.000They're trying to use a systematic approach as a business to maximize their opportunity.
00:59:36.000Like, look, you can come out, but if you do, here's what's going to happen.
00:59:39.000First of all, you're only going to come out to strangers.
00:59:41.000Your friends all know you're gay anyway, right?
01:00:12.000There is this ad, maybe like a preview on the news, and it's like, Oprah tells a big secret next week at 4. And I'm like, isn't it always kind of questionable?
01:05:25.000Even though the reason why it works is because you're tricking yourself into believing that this 2,000-year-old book written by people who thought the world was flat and the sun was 17 miles away has all the fucking answers.
01:07:11.000God's going to come back and if you're not saved.
01:07:13.000That's why these nutbags like Kirk Cameron...
01:07:15.000That's why you see him talking to gangbangers and trying to get them to come to God.
01:07:21.000He really believes that Jesus is going to just show up and everybody's going to be taken to heaven and everybody else is going to be stuck and fucked and left back behind here on earth in a godless world with no laws and all the good Christians will be gone.
01:09:00.000Where he says the banana was designed by God, and this is how he can prove it.
01:09:04.000He shows that the banana fits in your hand, and he peels the banana and eats it, and shows this is an evolutionist nightmare, because this is clear evidence of creation, that God has created this fruit.
01:09:15.000He fucking really meant that when he was saying it.
01:09:36.000He would have to be a way better actor than he's capable of because these two guys are so dumb in these debates and they're so fascinating.
01:09:42.000There's no way you could not believe what they're saying.
01:11:08.000Yellowstone National Park, you know, has a caldera supervolcano that erupts every six to eight hundred thousand years and just fucking, it's a continent killer.
01:11:17.000It kills like almost everything on the continent.
01:11:19.000It'll kill like two-thirds of all living things on North America.
01:11:23.000Well, the magma has been bulging, and it's got these bulging pocket swells where the earth is lifting.
01:11:32.000And there's all these photos of them online, and they're starting to freak out.
01:11:45.000They said they were concerned for a while, but then they're not.
01:11:48.000Now they're not anymore because it stopped doing what they were worried it could do.
01:11:52.000But the bottom line is it's completely unpredictable.
01:11:55.000They don't know when it can happen or why it happens or what causes it.
01:11:59.000When they say it's a continent killer, like it could destroy the whole continent, is that like maximum and then the minimum is like, oh, it will ruin the Taco Bell next door?
01:12:14.000And it's a super volcano, which means when it blows up, you know, Mount St. Helens is like a volcano, and then at the top, there's a small area where all the lava was shooting up in the air.
01:14:14.000Like, their lungs were filled with, like, volcanic ash.
01:14:17.000And so what happened was, they just got caught in some big volcano eruption, and they just breathed in all that smoke, and it literally, like, turned their lungs into rocks.
01:15:53.000There was this documentary on lost tribes and all these different people that are still living like they lived thousands of years ago all over the world.
01:16:04.000And I was watching it and I was thinking to myself, man, what the fuck would I do if it all went back to this?
01:16:13.000Like, what if society ended and all of a sudden you're making bows and arrows out of fucking bamboo trees and making your own twine and you're trying to feed your family by hunting food?
01:16:29.000It'd be fun for a week and then you're like, I'm fucking hungry and there's nothing to eat around here except this bird that won't sit still and I need to make a...
01:16:46.000Well, there's no animals to hunt anymore.
01:16:49.000It's not like it used to be 300 years ago where you could go anywhere near here and there'd be deer everywhere and all sorts of other animals to eat like that.
01:18:00.000This is The Huffington Post, which is sometimes almost as funny as The Onion, but in a different way.
01:18:05.000Anyway, this is, what they're saying is that there's chemicals that are sold as bath salts, and people are taking these and they're getting high with them.
01:18:19.000Like this one guy took a skinning knife, it says, slit his face and stomach repeatedly.
01:18:24.000He survived, but other people haven't been lucky as they've been snorting, injecting, and snorting powders such as innocuous sounding names as Ivory Wave, Red Dove, and Vanilla Sky.
01:18:36.000So it basically turns you into some fucking homicidal, suicidal maniac.
01:22:07.000Yeah, have it playing on and then get it to a certain point where it's like where you're just not even talking anymore and then just start explaining things.
01:22:16.000This is what was going through my head.
01:24:17.000I was like, how can I make out with all these, take advantage of all these girls at the same time?
01:24:22.000And so I thought up this idea where I took Saram Wrap and I would put it in between my mouth and the girl's mouth and go, if you want to make out, you're not touching me.
01:24:31.000So we can pretty much make out as much as you want and it will feel real.
01:24:35.000They were like, holy shit, that's awesome.
01:24:54.000And then I started taking saran wrap, putting on my hands, being like, I could touch your boobs because I'm not actually touching your boobs.
01:25:39.000Then the one girl I was fucking with, I went and had sex with her later that night, and the other girls passed out in the living room.
01:25:47.000I came out, and this one girl was still awake, horny, and she called me over, and we started making out, and we had sex in there, and then it led to sex, even.
01:25:55.000So I think you started a competition by feeling up all these girls and being the only male.
01:26:30.000Yeah, if you had a really strong plastic, like a really strong one, and you could put your whole body and cover your entire body in this sheet of plastic.
01:26:45.000On today's big thing, that website I said earlier, they have this thing where it's called the creepiest man alive, and he blows himself up in balloons, and he like sits in there and hangs out.
01:28:15.000Dude, I got one today that was so hilarious.
01:28:18.000It was from Microsoft Xbox Award Show Soccer at Gmail or something like that.
01:28:26.000And it says, oh my goodness, you have won the grand prize of the Microsoft Word National Holiday, something like that, sponsored by soccer.
01:28:50.000But I loved how they were throwing in so many keywords that even if my mom saw it, she'd probably be like, well, it is from Microsoft Word, you know?
01:29:29.000It's from Microsoft2011gmail at fifaworldcuplottery.com.
01:29:38.000It says, Dear winner, please check the attachment below.
01:29:43.000Dear winner, Microsoft Corporation Management worldwide are pleased to inform you that you are a winner of your annual Microsoft Word lottery conducted in Africa, being the host of the present FIFA World Cup Mega Jackpot winning program.
01:30:02.000Your personal Gmail address or company email attached to the Microsoft Word with serial number, you are a lucky number, and you won.
01:30:11.000You've therefore been approved for lump sums of 1.1900,000...
01:30:21.000Payable in cash, credited to file number, BT something, from total prize money of 50 million United States dollars.
01:30:33.000It says, all participants were selected from Gmail worldwide websites throughout our Microsoft computer ballot system, drawing from 21,000 names.
01:31:04.000No, it says name, address, nationality, sex, age, occupation, um, No, it looks like I just have to call this person back, and that's when they start asking for numbers.
01:31:12.000Yeah, and they probably, when they get all that information, like name and all that jazz, they probably zoom in on you.
01:31:17.000Then they do an internet search for you.
01:31:58.000It's a bitter experience, and I was hurt on my right hand, but I think I'd be just fine.
01:32:03.000I'm sending you this message because I don't want anyone to panic.
01:32:07.000I want you to keep it that way for now.
01:32:09.000My return flight leaves in a few hours, but I'm having trouble sorting out my hotel bills, wondering if you loan me some dollars to sort out the hotel bills and also take a cab to the airport.
01:32:36.000You know, and all you need is a few bites.
01:32:37.000If you could do this with a computer, if a computer can generate a whole gigantic email list that you can steal from something or buy, like a lot of them, I bet you can buy them.
01:32:45.000You know, I mean, there's a bunch of different corporations for sure.
01:32:48.000Like they've gone on a business and you ordered something online and they sell your email address and they have a database.
01:33:38.000I talked to this photographer and he has a friend that does this organization called Project Child Save where they get a bunch of money together and this guy flies out to other countries and Takes back, like, kidnapped kids.
01:33:49.000Like, they may be taken and brings them back here.
01:35:04.000I am Mr. James Lewis, the director, international remittance department of this bank, comma, my boss, comma, Mr. Jacobs, no comma, just a slight space, M. Smith, comma, the managing director CEO of this bank is now on compulsory leave and all power have been vested on me to make all international payments.
01:35:48.000There's a part of me that is absolutely fascinated by this because what I'm getting here, right?
01:35:53.000Again, I'm sitting in front of my computer and I'm getting this direct connection with some fucking guys who are basically like Gollum from the Lord of the Rings.
01:36:03.000You know, I mean, like, think of, like, some of the people in Nigeria.
01:36:05.000You know, Somali pirates and all these fucking nuts that they've got.
01:36:09.000I mean, it's a wild, crazy, savage world out there, and there are just millions and millions of email just trying to fuck people out of their money.
01:36:16.000I watched this episode of Intervention on A&E and one of the guys was getting interventioned because he was addicted to replying to those kind of spam emails.
01:36:25.000He blew his whole retirement and he'd be on the phone with Africa and they'd be like, we need 30 more dollars.
01:37:40.000So he was contacting these child molesters and then take all the fucked up shit that he would say to them, pretending he was a little kid, and they would put it online.
01:37:51.000There was a whole website, baiting.org.
01:42:25.000Your body's probably so mad that you're such a dumb cunt that you snort bath salts that your body's like, oh, we're gonna kill ourselves now.
01:43:19.000It trips your pores open and it gets in there and washes around.
01:43:24.000Yeah, it causes intense cravings for it and they'll binge on it for three to four days before they show up in an ER. And even though it's a horrible trip, they want to do it again and again.
01:44:42.000The problem grew in rural Mississippi after a law began restricting the sale of pseudoephedrine, the key ingredient in making methamphetamines.
01:45:23.000I bet there was some fucking crazy guy, like in that Breaking Bad show, there was some sort of a scientist character, and he realized that bath salts will fuck you up, too.
01:45:31.000So he just started giving them to people.
01:46:54.000If you get caught with any kind of acid, anything where they think you're doing that, where you're making your own drugs, that's even crazier than mushrooms or pot.
01:47:26.000It took me five years to make this ass because every time I would like to splash it, I would die for like two months.
01:47:32.000Listen, I met this girl a couple years ago and she told me that she has this friend who like obviously went crazy and moved away to a different state, but she got pulled over by the cops and had a whole vial of acid on her.
01:48:17.000I think acid, any psychedelic, even DMT, I think if you do it a certain amount of times, you're probably not going to be the same as before.
01:48:26.000I knew a dude who did it a hundred times and he totally became crazy.
01:48:41.000When you have a DMT experience, a lot of it is marked by communication with whatever the fuck it is.
01:48:47.000It could be that you're communicating with some other part of your consciousness that you don't normally have access to, or it could be the great beyond, like this well of souls, or it could be aliens in another dimension.
01:49:24.000You know, man, until they figure out a way to let people do whatever the fuck they want with their bodies, do whatever the fuck you want, you're going to always have a gang of different drug problems.
01:49:35.000What people are afraid of, though, is that when you start making everything legal, well, then, you know, well, kids could get a hold of it, and everyone could get addicted, and that is definitely true.
01:50:08.000I want to make sure you don't drive home drunk.
01:50:10.000People can navigate their way through a lot of different substances in this society if you just allowed us to.
01:50:16.000But as soon as you start making shit illegal and restricting the access to a bunch of different things, people can't figure out what's good and what's bad.
01:50:23.000That's why there's a lot of people that think that mushrooms will fuck your mind up.
01:50:27.000Smoke pot, you're becoming a lazy piece of shit.
01:50:31.000If everybody had access to it, especially weed, if everybody had access to weed, we would all think of it the same way that stoners think of it.
01:50:38.000Stoners pretty much universally look at pot and say, well, it's very beneficial to me.
01:51:30.000If you're looking at things the exact same way, you can get locked into a mental pattern where you think that things make sense.
01:51:36.000And then you need a good, really fucking...
01:51:40.000A good, real good bake session where you just completely float away.
01:51:45.000You know, when you and your friends are sitting around like me, how many times have we had these conversations, especially after shows, where we're just completely barbecued, like eating dinner, and we're all just breaking down the universe or figuring out life or just having these conversations where you almost can't get there on your own.
01:52:02.000There's some conversations that you get to when you're high where you're like, man, I don't think I can take responsibility for this conversation.
01:52:08.000I don't think I ever would have gotten here if I wasn't high.
01:52:12.000Of course, a lot of those conversations are not as cool as they would be, and they're just talking about how Fritos would be good in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
01:52:21.000No, I like those talks, those really, really nice marijuana-driven talks, because you can't get that when you're hammered.
01:55:36.000So then they get to work with him and then they're judging their own performance against his and trying to think if they're better than him.
01:55:40.000There's so much jealousy with comedy, especially the guys that are like, I could do better than this person.
01:55:46.000Well, there's a lot of guys that are just starting out or they've been doing it for a couple years that for some reason they feel like your success takes away from their success and they should have more success than they do.
01:56:10.000You know you gotta be fucking crazy to want to do that.
01:56:13.000And so a lot of these people, they're like so desperate to even out their life.
01:56:17.000They're so desperate to finally get some success.
01:56:20.000It's so desperate to put it all together and have the big picture in front of them and finally move on past this disaster of a childhood that they, you know, they didn't want to claim ownership of their life.
01:56:28.000So they get like super hyper ambitious.
01:56:30.000I've met people who are like, you know, I hate stand-up.
01:56:34.000I just get up on stage because it's challenging for me, but I hate it every second of it.
01:57:39.000It's very difficult to maintain a sense of humor, first of all, as your body starts to decay.
01:57:44.000And second of all, as you have all these relationship problems, which they always do.
01:57:49.000You just have these fantastic weddings that turn into...
01:57:52.000bitter divorces their spirits start dying yeah and then you wonder well this is it I'm here already and now I'm 45 or something like that and I'm a movie star and I'm making all this money and I don't even enjoy myself and I don't even enjoy the product and what is funny anymore and when you're not doing stand up when you don't have that immediate for me at least I would not be confident in whether or not what I think is funny I know I know that I know how to make things fun I know what things are funny and aren't funny because I do stand-up so much.
01:58:20.000So it's like you become immersed in the language of comedy.
01:58:23.000But when you're removed from that completely, removed from the idea or the act of creating the comedy and then producing and then putting it on stage and then performing it and then honing it and then sharpening up the bits and you learn things from that.
01:58:35.000Like, oh, that was way better when I did it this way because I got to it quicker and the people understood it better.
01:58:40.000You become immersed in the language of comedy.
01:58:54.000You're walking around in a plastic bubble and people are getting you, you know, bagels and locks at the craft service table and you're pulling up in a Ferrari and complaining, you know, because there's a knock in it.
01:59:14.000And you're walking down the carpet and that's your interaction with humans.
01:59:17.000Your interaction with humans is on the set And people serving you and then your next project.
01:59:21.000And it's always this weird relationship where you're a star and they're the underlings and they all need to keep you happy to keep their job.
01:59:28.000And so everyone's like super supportive and you don't even know what the fuck is up and what's down.
01:59:32.000You're just drunk all the time, fucked up on pills.
01:59:38.000That's the reason why so many of these guys become completely insane.
01:59:42.000That world, the idea of living like that, you've got to be out of your fucking head.
01:59:47.000One of the most frustrating things ever when I first moved to Hollywood was just dealing with actors.
01:59:52.000Guys who had done it their whole lives and guys who had been involved in the business for just decades and you'd be dealing with them like, you aren't even fucking real.
02:00:00.000You're so odd and fake and everybody's fake and it's like everybody accepts that everyone's fake.
02:00:06.000No one's calling anybody out on any of this.
02:00:08.000And the behavior is so strange, you know?
02:01:26.000I didn't know what LL Cool J looked like, but someone pointed him out to me, and he's going up all on set, all around like the girls, and he's like, hey ladies, how you doing?
02:02:12.000No, it's just weird that he does it because he's LL Cool J. Because a regular guy who's not his status wouldn't walk around like, yeah, what's going on?
02:03:56.000I bet if he felt a thing, he felt the green light, I'm gonna go for it.
02:04:01.000I bet he whipped out his dick and like 80% of the time it was a home run.
02:04:05.000But it was those, the awkward 20 that would just, it would just crash into the woods like he misread them or they just got so offended that he would do that that they just flipped over the other way.
02:04:48.000If I was a chick, and I was really into it, it was a perfect situation, the perfect circumstance, and the guy pulls his dick out, and you gotta go, what the hell?
02:04:54.000I think there's a difference, though, if, like, really liking LL Cool J, because he's, you know, a celebrity, and liking his rap, and then thinking, okay, now he has his dick out, wait.
02:05:02.000Okay, we're not talking about LL Cool J now.
02:06:15.000This is the second time we've talked about LL Cool J and then you've defended his honor.
02:06:18.000So I'm thinking that you are involved with LL Cool J. I probably wouldn't want to hang out with the dude, but I defend his right to be cocky.
02:06:32.000It's attractive to know a guy is physically fit and has, like, physical fitness, but it's not, like, hot all because they're, like, muscular or built, you know?
02:08:02.000Do you think the majority of your friends are to blame and that they're the crazy person?
02:08:07.000A lot of the girls I'm friends with, they'll be like, so I have an issue with my boyfriend, but I think I'm just not going to tell him and see if it will go away without me telling him, but I'm going to act mad at him next time I see him.
02:08:20.000When you're around a bunch of people and you keep having relationships like this over and over and over again where you're with crazy people, you have all these problems, how do you stop that?
02:08:28.000How do you reset and how do you somehow or another move forward without all this bullshit in your life?
02:08:35.000I try to, like most of my crazy ass bitches, I try to remain friends with them and have some kind of cool level with them where it makes yourself kind of heal that way to think, okay, this person's fucking crazy, but I could still be friends with this crazy bitch, you know?
02:08:49.000Right, but I'm saying, how do you move forward in your own life and stop this from happening?
02:09:18.000Some of those uncomfortable moments in the drunk cast, especially the first one, when you guys were hanging on each other, I'm like, wow, do you really want this out there, man?
02:09:50.000I walk around naked like a caveman, bro.
02:09:52.000One of my good friends I grew up with, I've known him since we were like 10, he says he was watching it and he's like, honestly, I got like kind of uncomfortable feeling as I was watching it.
02:10:01.000Yeah, a lot of people actually said the same thing.
02:13:12.000Winds up hydroplaning, and we hit a tree, going like 55 miles an hour.
02:13:17.000And I wake up covered in blood, and everyone had to pretty much get cut out of the car.
02:13:22.000And my boyfriend was pronounced dead, but he lived but was in a coma for two months and had brain surgery, all because my cheekbone hit his temple, and it severed an artery, and his brain got pushed over to the side.
02:13:35.000And the other kid was pronounced dead but lived, but he's kind of brain damaged.
02:14:35.000My first car was a 68442. Not my first car.
02:14:39.000My first car was a 73 Chevelle, but my first car that was worth more than $10 was a 68442. It was an old hot rod, and it had a 400 cubic inch engine.
02:14:49.000It was way too much power for a retard like me when I was 16, maybe 17 at the time.
02:14:54.000And I hydroplaned right in front of my school.
02:17:19.000We need something to just cling us to the idea that money is a real thing.
02:17:24.000When it all just becomes zeros and ones and zeros and people just start jacking each other for their ones and zeros and adding ones and zeros where they don't belong.
02:20:21.000I'm sure someone on Twitter will tell me almost immediately.
02:20:23.000He was a really articulate guy, but for whatever reason, he did this one speech where while he was doing the speech, the homeboy started yelling.
02:20:41.000And he was like at a rally and he didn't realize, you know, that the microphone, you know, when you think you're screaming and yelling, you know, and you think that the sound of the crowd is like, you're at the same level, the sound of the crowd, so you can't even hear your own voice.
02:20:52.000Well, the microphone's right in front of his face.
02:20:54.000So the microphone is only picking him up.
02:20:56.000So it sounded like extra, completely crazy.
02:24:03.000Yeah, I guess you get in the house, and then you do all these competitive-type things where you battle for a WWE Diva, where you do interviews and fights sometimes.