The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #754 - Brian Redban

00:00:01.000 Yes!

00:00:03.000 We're live.

00:00:05.000 That was like a modified Brody.

00:00:08.000 That was like Brody with somebody else.

00:00:10.000 Who's the other person?

00:00:11.000 It was like, I copied two people's voices there.

00:00:15.000 Yes!

00:00:16.000 Like Brody's more like, yes!

00:00:18.000 Yes!

00:00:19.000 Positive!

00:00:20.000 Right?

00:00:20.000 That's more like Brody.

00:00:22.000 Yes!

00:00:23.000 A little buffer, a little drawn out.

00:00:24.000 Maybe.

00:00:25.000 Maybe a little buffer in there.

00:00:26.000 Buffer.

00:00:28.000 It's time!

00:00:30.000 That dude blew his knee out once doing that.

00:00:33.000 He blew his ACL. That's how much he explodes into that jump when he goes, it's time.

00:00:38.000 I'm not bullshitting.

00:00:39.000 Did he do it live?

00:00:40.000 Yes.

00:00:41.000 Yes. 1.00

00:00:41.000 He popped his fucking ACL out. 1.00

00:00:43.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00

00:00:44.000 Did he fall or did he just kind of like catch himself? 1.00

00:00:46.000 He just walked it off.

00:00:47.000 Walked it off and then got surgery.

00:00:49.000 Wow. 1.00

00:00:50.000 Yeah, and he had to be like ginger on it for a while because he used to do crazy shit, man. 0.98

00:00:55.000 You know, when you filmed him doing the Buffer 360? 0.98

00:00:58.000 A lot of people forgot about that. 0.99

00:01:01.000 He's a madman, that guy. 0.96

00:01:03.000 Do you remember what UFC it was? 0.99

00:01:05.000 100. Oh, that he hurt his knee?

00:01:08.000 I wonder if he had to do it after he tore it.

00:01:11.000 He had to go back on in the ring.

00:01:13.000 On a torn ACL. I think if he did, it wasn't for very long.

00:01:18.000 I think he just went ahead and got it fixed real quick.

00:01:21.000 And then, you know, because if you get your ACL fixed and they give you like these pretty lightweight carbon fiber braces, you could walk around in it like okay.

00:01:32.000 Like it's not cool, like it's not, you don't want to go long distances, but they can kind of brace you up pretty good with a minimal brace post-surgery.

00:01:41.000 You just got to be real careful with it.

00:01:42.000 You know, you don't want to hurt it again.

00:01:44.000 When I hurt my knee recently, I had to go to CVS and get like one of those knee things for my knee.

00:01:49.000 I had to buy like a cane and so I have all these like knee things.

00:01:52.000 Dude, how bad you hurt your knee?

00:01:53.000 Pretty bad.

00:01:54.000 I couldn't walk on it to the point where I bought a cane.

00:01:56.000 The same knee that you had problems with?

00:01:57.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:01:58.000 What was the original problem with it?

00:01:59.000 I have this problem where my knee pops out of place and like it For like a week or so, I could almost not even walk on it.

00:02:07.000 It pops back in okay.

00:02:09.000 It's only happened a few times, but it happened recently, and it was so bad that I couldn't walk.

00:02:14.000 And when you go to CVS to buy a cane, all the canes are like feminine. 0.99

00:02:18.000 They all have glitter on them.

00:02:20.000 There's not like an old man cane that's gray or something.

00:02:23.000 No, it's all like sparkly.

00:02:25.000 So I have a nice blue sparkly cane.

00:02:26.000 What do you think that is?

00:02:27.000 Is that a marketing move?

00:02:28.000 Is there a lot of ladies that are hurting themselves? 1.00

00:02:31.000 I don't know.

00:02:31.000 I think it's just so old people can see it.

00:02:33.000 They're like, oh, sparkly canes.

00:02:34.000 I guess when you get old, you don't care about if it's sparkly.

00:02:38.000 Is that what it is?

00:02:39.000 I don't know.

00:02:39.000 You can see it.

00:02:40.000 I have no idea.

00:02:42.000 It was weird.

00:02:44.000 Hurting your knees is not good, man.

00:02:46.000 It's not.

00:02:46.000 And I constantly think about it too because it's it always happens when I'm just like doing something mild like I'll turn to the side But I'll pivot on it or something that just pops out you probably have at the very least like something wrong with your meniscus it could be like I used to have this thing called a bucket handle tear and What it would be is you know like a bucket handle like flip over?

00:03:09.000 You know one way or the other well it gets stuck and Like flipped.

00:03:14.000 Like a piece tears and then it gets stuck like wedged up.

00:03:18.000 It's terrible.

00:03:19.000 Yeah.

00:03:20.000 And I had that where it was bad for a while.

00:03:23.000 It would just kind of give out on me.

00:03:25.000 And then one day in jujitsu class, it just got wrapped up the wrong way, like upside down.

00:03:33.000 Like my leg kind of got yanked in some way.

00:03:35.000 My leg completely locked up.

00:03:37.000 It was brutal.

00:03:38.000 But it was a pretty quick fix.

00:03:41.000 It's a way easier fix than an ACL. Because with an ACL, they have to replace your ligament.

00:03:47.000 It takes a long time to heal.

00:03:48.000 But with the meniscus, like six weeks later, you can do jiu-jitsu again.

00:03:51.000 Hmm.

00:03:52.000 Yeah.

00:03:52.000 My old roommate had this thing where his shoulder would always pop out of place and he'd be like, oh my god, ow, ow, but then he would have to hit it against the wall to pop it back in.

00:04:01.000 Like Mel Gibson?

00:04:02.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:04:03.000 It was exactly like that. 0.99

00:04:05.000 Damn, that's not good. 0.98

00:04:06.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:04:06.000 Yeah, see, like, stuff like that, they can fix that. 0.99

00:04:10.000 You should get that fixed.

00:04:11.000 Yeah, I don't talk to him anymore. 0.95

00:04:13.000 Doesn't that surgery suck? 1.00

00:04:15.000 Sucks. 1.00

00:04:16.000 With all the rehab? 1.00

00:04:17.000 Yeah, people that have serious shoulder surgery are pretty universal in saying it sucks, depending upon how badly you fuck it up.

00:04:24.000 But like, you know, like a guy like Cain Velasquez, he's had it, and he came back from it, but it took a long-ass time before he was fighting again.

00:04:33.000 You know?

00:04:34.000 Those are bad surgeries.

00:04:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:04:36.000 And the knee one, though, man, they might be able to just trim that shit. 0.99

00:04:41.000 Like, you should find out what it is. 0.98

00:04:43.000 Because if it's just a meniscus tear, dude, I'm telling you, they go in there, they scope it.

00:04:49.000 And if it's not that aggressive, it's not a gigantic tear, you'll be fine.

00:04:54.000 It's only happened like three or four times my whole life, so it's like, I'm 41, it's fine.

00:04:58.000 If it happens, it happens.

00:04:59.000 As long as you just don't move a lot.

00:05:01.000 Right, exactly.

00:05:02.000 Continue your sedentary lifestyle, semi-sedentary.

00:05:06.000 Are you still doing your losing weight thing?

00:05:08.000 Yeah, I just did my first month, finished my first month, and it was 17.3 pounds, I think it was.

00:05:14.000 That's incredible.

00:05:14.000 Yeah, in one month.

00:05:15.000 That's incredible.

00:05:17.000 Yeah, it's incredible, but then I think, alright, I still have 23 pounds for two months.

00:05:22.000 Don't think like that.

00:05:23.000 Think that you're committed.

00:05:25.000 Dude, that's amazing.

00:05:26.000 That's a very impressive accomplishment.

00:05:29.000 It's hard to do.

00:05:30.000 It is.

00:05:31.000 I miss bread so much, though.

00:05:32.000 I haven't had any bread since then.

00:05:34.000 I haven't had any cheese or anything like that.

00:05:38.000 I almost snapped the other day.

00:05:39.000 I was just so hungry.

00:05:40.000 I was like, I just can't eat chicken or vegetables anymore.

00:05:43.000 Well, this is what it's like.

00:05:45.000 As you get older, your body just sucks more and more at processing the kind of food that you love. 1.00

00:05:52.000 Your body's like, dude, enough with the fucking spaghetti. 1.00

00:05:57.000 Jesus Christ! 1.00

00:05:59.000 It's just like glue.

00:06:01.000 It tastes so good, though.

00:06:04.000 One thing I noticed though, immediately, all my acid reflux, gone.

00:06:08.000 Like all that, like burping and just like stomach acid, completely gone from that.

00:06:14.000 I don't know if it's the cheese or if it's the bread or...

00:06:18.000 That's fascinating, man.

00:06:20.000 You know, we had this guy on Mark Sisson the other day, and he's the author of The Primal Blueprint, and he was talking about he had irritable bowel syndrome, which whenever I hear that, I don't even want to know what that is.

00:06:33.000 I feel like I have that.

00:06:34.000 What does it mean? 0.99

00:06:36.000 Yeah, IBS, you get shitty. 0.99

00:06:39.000 Diarrhea all the day. 0.99

00:06:40.000 Diarrhea all the time.

00:06:41.000 All day.

00:06:41.000 I usually have that, but that's from drinking.

00:06:43.000 That's not IBS. That's just death.

00:06:46.000 That's just death making its way through your veins.

00:06:48.000 The evil alcohol.

00:06:50.000 Yeah, well, he told me that he cured it all.

00:06:54.000 By just eliminating grains.

00:06:56.000 He doesn't take in very many carbohydrates at all.

00:07:02.000 He doesn't do any breads or pastas or things like that.

00:07:06.000 Most of it comes from fruits and vegetables.

00:07:10.000 Mostly vegetables, right?

00:07:11.000 And meat.

00:07:13.000 It was essentially saying that he had all these issues.

00:07:16.000 And obviously, what works for one person might not necessarily even be as good for another person.

00:07:22.000 They say that there's different styles of human.

00:07:25.000 You know, the people who are your ancestors come from specific backgrounds.

00:07:30.000 Your diet is going to be like... 0.98

00:07:32.000 I should find out if that's bullshit, though. 0.99

00:07:35.000 Because, you know, I've heard that before. 1.00

00:07:37.000 That always seemed like bullshit. 0.99

00:07:39.000 You know? 0.99

00:07:40.000 It was like a recent study.

00:07:42.000 They were talking about it.

00:07:44.000 That there was like...

00:07:45.000 To eat your DNA... You know what I'm talking about?

00:07:50.000 Remember that thing?

00:07:51.000 Like your genetic ancestors or something?

00:07:54.000 Yeah, they were trying to, like, say, oh, you're a specific type, and that type needs a lot of red meat.

00:08:00.000 You know, you're this type, that type needs a lot of carbs. 0.85

00:08:03.000 It seems like that makes sense, getting some kind of, like, you know, scan of your body, of what your body needs or lacks or needs more of than other people.

00:08:11.000 It just makes sense, right?

00:08:13.000 Yeah, it totally makes sense.

00:08:14.000 Yeah, especially if your body's like developed, like your ancestors developed in an area where they needed specific types of foods.

00:08:22.000 The ancestral diet, that's it.

00:08:24.000 Should you eat like your ancestors?

00:08:26.000 Is that it?

00:08:27.000 I mean, this came out pretty recently.

00:08:29.000 This was just at the end of last year.

00:08:30.000 But I think, is this saying that there's more than one type of person?

00:08:34.000 More than one type of diet?

00:08:36.000 I think this is just talking about a specific ancient diet.

00:08:40.000 Yeah.

00:08:40.000 That's what I think this is.

00:08:41.000 Because I think that's what the ancestral diet idea is.

00:08:45.000 The idea this Mark Sisson guy was talking about that's really fascinating to me is that when you're taking in all these carbs, you're taking in a lot of sugar.

00:08:57.000 And when you eliminate sugar and eliminate inflammatory foods, your body operates more efficiently.

00:09:05.000 It's just healthier.

00:09:06.000 It has more resources to fight off illness and inflammation and things like that.

00:09:13.000 It's a fascinating concept.

00:09:15.000 So I think it might not work for everybody.

00:09:17.000 I don't know. 0.91

00:09:18.000 What the fuck do I know? 0.99

00:09:19.000 But I'm going to give it a shot for a little while. 0.99

00:09:20.000 I'm going to see what it's like.

00:09:21.000 It's pretty interesting because my diet went from McDonald's to Wendy's every day to pizza every day.

00:09:28.000 I really had the worst diet ever, and now it's just tons of vegetables, a little protein, and I don't feel tired anymore.

00:09:36.000 I feel like I can feel the food work almost.

00:09:39.000 It's interesting how just changing your diet from just crap to super healthy, how much you can feel it immediately almost.

00:09:49.000 Yeah, it's incredible, right?

00:09:52.000 And working out.

00:09:53.000 Getting the endorphins.

00:09:54.000 I've never had that in my life.

00:09:56.000 Two hours later, I'll be like, why am I so happy?

00:10:00.000 I'm bouncing around.

00:10:01.000 I've never felt that before.

00:10:02.000 I've worked out before.

00:10:03.000 I've never felt that.

00:10:04.000 But for some reason, this time around, I'm just like, oh my god, I'm happy.

00:10:07.000 For no reason.

00:10:08.000 I'm happy.

00:10:09.000 It's so weird.

00:10:10.000 They've said that they've done studies that show that depression can be cured just as easily with alcohol.

00:10:16.000 That's hilarious.

00:10:17.000 With alcohol.

00:10:17.000 Thanks, Joe.

00:10:17.000 I'm out of here.

00:10:19.000 With exercise, rather.

00:10:20.000 Yeah.

00:10:21.000 They were comparing it to people that got on SSRIs, and they were saying they're pretty similar results in a lot of people.

00:10:28.000 Mm-hmm.

00:10:28.000 People that really started doing a lot of cardio, doing a lot of running and things along those lines, that's something that's supposed to be specifically good.

00:10:38.000 You need both kinds of things for your life.

00:10:41.000 You need some kind of strenuous stuff, whether it's body weight stuff, push-ups or something like that, or anything that really gets your strength going.

00:10:52.000 And then you need something that's just cardiovascular.

00:10:56.000 When you do those things together, man, your body just relaxes.

00:11:01.000 It's more adaptable.

00:11:06.000 It's more just loose.

00:11:08.000 Is your bedroom completely blacked out, darkened?

00:11:13.000 When you wake up, do you see sunlight when you wake up in the morning?

00:11:17.000 Very little.

00:11:19.000 Yeah, why?

00:11:20.000 I just blacked out my room recently.

00:11:22.000 My window is right next to the sun.

00:11:27.000 When you wake up, it's just right there.

00:11:28.000 I've always done that in hotel rooms, and I've always felt like a creep.

00:11:32.000 Yeah, you feel like when you're in Vegas or something like that.

00:11:35.000 Well, I always feel like when I'm in a hotel room, when I'm closing all the windows, closing all the curtains, there's something about locking yourself in a totally dark room in a strange place.

00:11:45.000 It's just bizarre.

00:11:46.000 It is.

00:11:47.000 And I took, like, I found, like, there was a little crack where I couldn't, like, my blinds didn't fix it or anything.

00:11:53.000 So then I went to the store, the hardware store, and they had, like, these decals where you can, like, put it on your window.

00:11:58.000 So I made my windows, like, stained glass, thinking that way.

00:12:01.000 So now it's like I have this weird, like, blue room that just glows blue. 0.85

00:12:06.000 But it sucks, though.

00:12:07.000 I was like, why did I do this? 0.95

00:12:08.000 Because now...

00:12:09.000 I have no idea if it's daylight or nighttime anytime I'm in my room.

00:12:13.000 That's not good for you.

00:12:14.000 It's not good.

00:12:14.000 You need a circadian rhythm thing going on.

00:12:16.000 Speaking of blue, did you see that thing that I posted today?

00:12:20.000 I retweeted, rather.

00:12:22.000 It was about some blue lava.

00:12:26.000 There's a place in the world that has blue lava.

00:12:29.000 Whoa.

00:12:29.000 Dude.

00:12:30.000 Why is it blue?

00:12:31.000 I don't know. 0.99

00:12:31.000 It's fucking Avatar. 0.99

00:12:33.000 That's Narnia or wherever the fuck those people are from. 1.00

00:12:36.000 Where were they from? 0.98

00:12:38.000 On Obtanium Island or something? 0.99

00:12:40.000 Where the fuck were they from? 0.98

00:12:41.000 I can't remember the name. 0.99

00:12:42.000 I can't remember their planet.

00:12:43.000 It made me think of something.

00:12:44.000 Have you ever heard of the Kentucky Blue People?

00:12:46.000 There's something like that.

00:12:48.000 While I'm looking this up, I'm going to look that up too.

00:12:50.000 Kentucky Blue People.

00:12:50.000 Someone told me about that and I didn't believe them.

00:12:52.000 Is that like the Jersey Devil?

00:12:54.000 Have you ever heard of the Jersey Devil?

00:12:55.000 Yeah.

00:12:56.000 It's supposed to be like a flying demon that lives in the woods of New Jersey.

00:13:00.000 Remember that guy that got poisoned and he was all blue?

00:13:02.000 I wonder if it...

00:13:03.000 What's his name?

00:13:04.000 The Russian... 0.86

00:13:05.000 Was it a Russian guy?

00:13:06.000 And he got poisoned.

00:13:07.000 Oh, the guy that got poisoned.

00:13:08.000 Yeah.

00:13:09.000 His face changed color.

00:13:10.000 Turned into Papa Smurf.

00:13:11.000 Well, he had all the scar tissue all over his face.

00:13:14.000 Remember that, too?

00:13:15.000 Yeah, that guy.

00:13:16.000 Well, that was the crazy guy that did the... 1.00

00:13:18.000 That guy was using that colloidal silver shit. 1.00

00:13:23.000 He was on Oprah. 1.00

00:13:25.000 He passed away recently, unfortunately.

00:13:30.000 From this?

00:13:31.000 That guy, specifically, the guy that was on Oprah that was blue, he passed away recently.

00:13:35.000 I'm pretty sure.

00:13:37.000 I read a story about it somewhere.

00:13:39.000 He says this was an entire family.

00:13:41.000 Oh, that's different then.

00:13:43.000 This is a different guy.

00:13:44.000 I wonder if that was their diet, too.

00:13:46.000 Real blood disorder.

00:13:47.000 Oh, blood disorder.

00:13:48.000 Weird.

00:13:49.000 Why did I have to repeat that?

00:13:51.000 Blood disorder.

00:13:53.000 Like we don't speak the same language.

00:13:55.000 Oh yes, blood disorder.

00:13:58.000 Now the other guy was...

00:13:59.000 There's the blue lava.

00:14:00.000 But the other guy was blue because he drank colloidal silver every day because he thought it would like...

00:14:08.000 Heal, you know, like fixed diseases or something like that and Someone explained some scientists explained it might have been Neil deGrasse Tyson.

00:14:16.000 I forget who it was but they explained why Drinking colloidal silver would have that effect on your body.

00:14:24.000 I don't think it was Neil deGrasse Tyson I can't remember who it was.

00:14:27.000 But anyway, they went into this scientific explanation of why drinking colloidal silver can permanently stain You're body purple like that guy.

00:14:36.000 He must have drank like massive quantities of it.

00:14:39.000 But I forget what the reaction is, but the reaction's permanent. 1.00

00:14:43.000 Like fucking what the fuck? 1.00

00:14:45.000 Jesus! 1.00

00:14:47.000 Oh my god.

00:14:48.000 I wonder if the blue is just like...

00:14:51.000 Like almost kind of like a fire that's around the lava that looks blue, kind of like a flame.

00:14:57.000 Oh, and this thing?

00:14:58.000 Yeah, that's...

00:15:00.000 Wow.

00:15:00.000 No, it doesn't look like...

00:15:01.000 What is that?

00:15:02.000 It makes no sense.

00:15:08.000 The gas vents, called fumaroles, which blast hot sulphur gas, stain the surrounding landscape of bright yellow, and the ignited sulphur burns with a blue thing.

00:15:21.000 My name is Reuben Wu.

00:15:22.000 I'm a photographer and a filmmaker from Liverpool, UK, but currently based in Chicago.

00:15:28.000 The blue flame is too dim to be seen in the daylight, so I had to wait until dusk for it to be seen.

00:15:33.000 And the moonlight was dull enough to show the flames as well as reveal the surrounding landscape.

00:15:39.000 I also used long exposures in many of my images, which allows for pictures which show an extended period of time rather than a split second.

00:15:48.000 I'm playing a horrible instrument while talking.

00:15:51.000 Wait a minute.

00:15:53.000 Why does that look so fake?

00:15:54.000 He used a photo trick.

00:15:58.000 What was that?

00:15:59.000 Is that a real photo?

00:16:01.000 Was that real that we were just looking at?

00:16:03.000 Really?

00:16:04.000 Why does it look almost like comic book-ish?

00:16:08.000 Yeah, it does.

00:16:10.000 Wow, these pictures are incredible.

00:16:17.000 This is incredible. 0.99

00:16:18.000 This photographer is fucking amazing. 0.99

00:16:21.000 He has a good camera. 0.99

00:16:23.000 But look at this. 1.00

00:16:25.000 The fact that he's captured this shit. 0.99

00:16:27.000 Is he the first guy to ever capture this stuff? 0.99

00:16:31.000 Is this something that people have known about?

00:16:34.000 I want to see video of it live, though.

00:16:36.000 See, that's the problem.

00:16:37.000 I wonder if this is just a photo trick, like, yeah, there's a little blue flame to it, so I'm going to keep the exposure open a little so it looks a little bit more blue than it would with your naked eye.

00:16:45.000 This is video.

00:16:45.000 Oh, yeah, I guess you're right.

00:16:48.000 That just looks like fire or something.

00:16:49.000 Yeah, that's kind of what he said it was.

00:16:50.000 It was like the methane.

00:16:52.000 The sulfur.

00:16:53.000 Yeah, red and orange.

00:16:54.000 Dude, it's incredible.

00:16:56.000 It's incredible.

00:16:57.000 They have sulfur problems here in Los Angeles.

00:16:59.000 You go through some of these places, it just smells like farts everywhere because of the sulfur.

00:17:04.000 Sulfur?

00:17:04.000 Yeah, I think it's sulfur.

00:17:06.000 In Calabasas, when I lived there, sometimes it would just smell like eggs everywhere.

00:17:12.000 And it's because of sulfur.

00:17:14.000 What, is it like a natural sulfur that comes out of the ground or something?

00:17:18.000 Yeah, it comes out of the ground.

00:17:21.000 Speaking of that, what is up with that gas leak?

00:17:23.000 Gas leak, yeah.

00:17:24.000 Apparently it's horrific.

00:17:25.000 Yeah, it's really bad, right?

00:17:27.000 Yeah, and it's going to take the months to try to figure it out and close it off.

00:17:34.000 It could get worse, right?

00:17:36.000 Something could happen.

00:17:37.000 It seems like somebody could accidentally smoke a cigarette and we blow up.

00:17:40.000 All of us blow up.

00:17:41.000 I don't know how flammable it is.

00:17:43.000 I don't know if it's something like that.

00:17:45.000 I don't know if it's something that's easy to ignite.

00:17:48.000 But I know it's a health concern.

00:17:51.000 I think there's a concern, too, that it might collapse further.

00:17:56.000 Like, they don't know exactly how to shut that thing off quick.

00:18:02.000 It's gonna take them some time and some engineering.

00:18:05.000 Couldn't they just pour a shitload of concrete all over it and just walk away?

00:18:08.000 I don't think you can, man.

00:18:09.000 It's gas.

00:18:10.000 I don't know how they do this. 0.99

00:18:12.000 I couldn't even begin to wrap my mind, my puny little mind, around what kind of knowledge it takes to stop a fucking gas leak. 0.99

00:18:23.000 A pipe. 0.99

00:18:24.000 It's natural gas, too.

00:18:24.000 It's different than like...

00:18:25.000 Is it?

00:18:26.000 I'm kind of asking.

00:18:27.000 I don't know.

00:18:28.000 I thought it was a pipe.

00:18:30.000 California gas hasn't dropped like it has all over the country.

00:18:33.000 It's pretty, it's like almost, it was under a dollar for a little while in Ohio.

00:18:37.000 And it's still well over three, almost four dollars someplace this year.

00:18:40.000 People love to hear that.

00:18:41.000 We're going back to the 70s, man.

00:18:43.000 It's great.

00:18:45.000 But what do you think?

00:18:47.000 I think it's a methane, though, isn't it?

00:18:49.000 I don't think it's car gas, so I was kind of wondering.

00:18:51.000 Yeah, I think it is a natural gas.

00:18:53.000 I think that's the whole point.

00:18:54.000 But it's a pipe, right?

00:18:56.000 Right.

00:18:57.000 A pipe that pumps gas to all these people, and it broke.

00:19:01.000 And they say that the hole is really big now. 0.99

00:19:04.000 And it's like they have this fucking eight foot wide hole. 0.98

00:19:08.000 I think there's people that live around there that can't go home. 0.99

00:19:11.000 They had to replace whole neighborhoods of people and they still can't go home to this day.

00:19:17.000 No, they can't go home.

00:19:18.000 That's crazy.

00:19:19.000 No, they had to evacuate.

00:19:21.000 2.5 million pounds of methane every day?

00:19:26.000 Let's be honest.

00:19:27.000 Methane's air, so it doesn't really weigh anything.

00:19:29.000 So it could be a billion pounds.

00:19:33.000 50 billion pounds of methane.

00:19:36.000 That's true.

00:19:37.000 How do they measure it?

00:19:39.000 What's a pound?

00:19:40.000 Maybe it actually has weight to it.

00:19:42.000 That's how you get to a pound.

00:19:43.000 It still has to have weight.

00:19:44.000 That's how you're measuring a pound.

00:19:46.000 That's a lot then.

00:19:47.000 It has to be a lot.

00:19:48.000 When it weighs nothing, it's a lot.

00:19:50.000 It can float.

00:19:51.000 It's like saying, right?

00:19:53.000 A ton of feathers and a ton of bricks.

00:19:54.000 Like, it's still a ton. 0.99

00:19:55.000 Yeah, but this is 2.5 million pounds of shit so light it can float. 0.98

00:20:00.000 So it's like the individual particles are very light. 0.99

00:20:03.000 They're floating, right?

00:20:04.000 They're gases.

00:20:05.000 Maybe we're getting scammed and we don't even know it.

00:20:07.000 This Jackson guy is like, we need more money to get all those pounds of gas.

00:20:13.000 Yeah.

00:20:13.000 That's a very good point.

00:20:15.000 BP. Bro, you gotta weigh the can.

00:20:17.000 Gotta weigh the can too, bro.

00:20:21.000 Maybe that's what it pumps into things.

00:20:25.000 And then now it's like just blowing out into the air.

00:20:27.000 Maybe that's how they're measuring it.

00:20:28.000 That's what pumps through there.

00:20:31.000 The whole thing is nuts, man.

00:20:33.000 Yeah, it says they tried using mud.

00:20:35.000 They tried doing the concrete.

00:20:36.000 They tried covering it up and it didn't work.

00:20:38.000 You know what? 0.98

00:20:39.000 When I hear they tried to do it, but it didn't work, I fucking freak out. 0.96

00:20:44.000 I really do.

00:20:46.000 That is like the last thing I ever want to hear when there's a national crisis.

00:20:50.000 You know, well, they tried to do this, but it didn't work.

00:20:53.000 Like, oh, Christ.

00:20:55.000 Like, this is a hard one.

00:20:58.000 This is not easy.

00:21:00.000 We're just so lucky there's smart people out there. 0.99

00:21:03.000 We'd be so fucked. 1.00

00:21:04.000 We would be so fucked. 1.00

00:21:06.000 We're so lucky there's engineers that work on this kind of shit. 1.00

00:21:10.000 You don't even think about it. 0.99

00:21:12.000 We don't think about the streets. 1.00

00:21:14.000 Think about the fucking highway system and you complain. 1.00

00:21:18.000 You're like, oh, they're fucking working. 1.00

00:21:20.000 Jesus Christ, they got this lane cut off so they could fix the road. 1.00

00:21:25.000 What the fuck? 1.00

00:21:26.000 But think about... 1.00

00:21:28.000 How, in general, how fucking cool it is that we've hardened the ground and smoothed it out all across this motherfucker, you know? 1.00

00:21:39.000 And everybody's like, man, the fucking roads ruin the landscape. 0.99

00:21:42.000 Absolutely, in a lot of places. 0.99

00:21:44.000 And this place is one of them, right? 1.00

00:21:45.000 It looks like shit. 1.00

00:21:46.000 It's just a bunch of roads. 1.00

00:21:48.000 We overdid it.

00:21:49.000 We overdid it.

00:21:50.000 We got crazy.

00:21:51.000 We put too many roads in one spot, too many buildings.

00:21:54.000 We ignored the rules.

00:21:58.000 Having food nearby and vegetables and stuff.

00:22:01.000 We ignored all that. 0.97

00:22:02.000 We just said, no, let's just fucking pile on top of each other. 0.99

00:22:05.000 Woo! 0.99

00:22:06.000 And that's what we did. 0.97

00:22:08.000 But the idea is fucking amazing. 0.97

00:22:11.000 When you're in a place like Montana and you're driving through these mountain ranges, the roads don't bother you, man. 0.96

00:22:19.000 They don't bother you.

00:22:20.000 You don't care if there's a road there.

00:22:21.000 Because you're looking up at this...

00:22:23.000 Insane natural beauty. 1.00

00:22:26.000 And you're just like, just fuck! 1.00

00:22:27.000 This is crazy! 1.00

00:22:30.000 This is like the most insane artwork you could ever buy.

00:22:35.000 Could never look as beautiful as this.

00:22:38.000 Like, really amazing artwork.

00:22:40.000 It's always amazing to see someone's expression, and when someone does something that's really dope, it's cool, it gives us all this good feeling.

00:22:46.000 Like, wow, that was amazing.

00:22:48.000 That's a cool piece of art.

00:22:50.000 That's a beautiful sculpture.

00:22:52.000 God, that's a pretty painting.

00:22:53.000 But when you see the mountains, man, there's something about those things. 1.00

00:22:57.000 Like a snow-capped mountain, you're like, fuck. 0.99

00:23:02.000 And it's limited if you think about it. 1.00

00:23:03.000 Yeah, like that. 1.00

00:23:04.000 Look at that fucking view. 0.99

00:23:06.000 That's not going to exist in 100 years, that view right there. 1.00

00:23:08.000 There's going to be so many drones flying around, Amazon Prime crap. 1.00

00:23:11.000 There's going to be people with their hoverboards up in the air.

00:23:15.000 That's not going to exist in 100 years, that view.

00:23:18.000 Well, we would have to preserve it.

00:23:22.000 That's what the idea of having...

00:23:25.000 Public wilderness, public forests, the stuff that's supposed to be ours.

00:23:30.000 That's what Teddy Roosevelt wanted to do way back in the day when they instituted these ideas and got public land, like signed off to us.

00:23:45.000 So that, like, there's giant swaths of this country that are ours as American taxpayers.

00:23:52.000 And you can go camping in them.

00:23:54.000 What's that?

00:23:54.000 But does that include the sky in the future?

00:23:56.000 Probably not. 0.99

00:23:57.000 That shit's going to be filled with advertising and stuff. 0.99

00:24:00.000 There's going to be a drone that just sits there for years. 0.99

00:24:04.000 They'll probably try to make some laws against that if it becomes a real problem.

00:24:08.000 But like Yellowstone, look at Yellowstone National Park. 0.94

00:24:11.000 That place is fucking amazing, man. 0.97

00:24:14.000 And it's an incredible place to visit. 0.99

00:24:17.000 It's incredible. 0.99

00:24:18.000 Like, you have a real good chance of seeing, like, bisons and shit. 1.00

00:24:22.000 You got a good chance of seeing a fucking bear, too. 0.99

00:24:24.000 You got to be real careful. 0.99

00:24:26.000 Because they've killed hikers, like, more than, I think it was...

00:24:33.000 More than one attack, and I know at least one dead, over the last five or six years, because they think that these bears are getting too accustomed to being around people.

00:24:43.000 They know that if you break into someone's car, they usually have food in there.

00:24:47.000 They know that coolers usually have food in them.

00:24:49.000 They get smart. 0.99

00:24:50.000 And so once they come around people once, like, fuck, then they start coming around all the time. 1.00

00:24:56.000 I've been fucking with my neighbor. 1.00

00:24:59.000 I don't want to admit this. 0.99

00:25:02.000 It's all funny.

00:25:03.000 I don't know.

00:25:04.000 He must have got a new router because out of nowhere I got a new Wi-Fi network to join and it's unlocked.

00:25:13.000 I just used it the other day just to see how fast it was just in case if I needed to use it or whatever.

00:25:20.000 I forgot that I had it.

00:25:21.000 I think that's illegal.

00:25:22.000 Is it?

00:25:23.000 Especially when you're admitting it.

00:25:25.000 You can't be like, oh, I thought this was my router's other name.

00:25:28.000 This is all a dream.

00:25:30.000 I used to read Word Up magazine.

00:25:32.000 Exactly.

00:25:32.000 But I forgot that I had done it on my phone, and I've been connecting to it.

00:25:38.000 Every time I come home, it just connects to his Wi-Fi.

00:25:41.000 You know what I mean?

00:25:42.000 So the other day, if you have Apple TV, you can play things on your Apple TV from your phone.

00:25:48.000 It's called AirPlay.

00:25:49.000 So I wanted to show a video to somebody, and I did it, and I'm like, why is this not working?

00:25:54.000 And I'm like...

00:25:55.000 Wait a second, what Wi-Fi am I on?

00:25:56.000 I'm like, I'm on the other guy's Wi-Fi Apple TV. So, like, I've just been going, YouTube, gay porn. 0.99

00:26:03.000 No. 0.99

00:26:04.000 And the other day...

00:26:05.000 Dude, that's illegal.

00:26:07.000 You better stop right now.

00:26:10.000 It's so fun to do, though.

00:26:12.000 I was just like...

00:26:13.000 Yeah, but it's super illegal.

00:26:14.000 Is it?

00:26:15.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:26:16.000 Playing gay porn on... 1.00

00:26:17.000 I guess it is. 1.00

00:26:18.000 What if he had kids in there? 1.00

00:26:19.000 I'm just playing gay porn to so much kids. 1.00

00:26:20.000 That's exactly what I'm saying. 1.00

00:26:22.000 That dude's gonna buy kids just so he can sue you. 1.00

00:26:26.000 Right, exactly.

00:26:28.000 Wow. 1.00

00:26:30.000 I love that shit. 1.00

00:26:32.000 That and printers. 1.00

00:26:33.000 When people have printers on their Wi-Fi, you just print out dick pics all day on their printers. 0.94

00:26:38.000 That's rude as well. 0.98

00:26:40.000 That's rude as well.

00:26:42.000 Let me ask you this.

00:26:44.000 Have you ever wondered if we can feel Wi-Fi?

00:26:50.000 Have you ever wondered if we can feel electricity in a room?

00:26:54.000 Maybe it's not enough where we can tell for sure if it was happening or if it's not happening, but enough where there's just a subtle underlying thing that your body's experiencing.

00:27:06.000 It doesn't really make sense like a radio wave like radio waves Wi-Fi satellites I mean satellite radio and TV satellite signals GPS signals What's all this we're sure for sure is this not doing anything to us because we haven't really been doing that for that long Is that something to be worried about you know If you take a cat who's the most sensitive animal ever,

00:27:33.000 that cat's just sitting there, and you turn on something right next to it that has wifi, right next to his little whiskers, you would think it would even maybe twitch just a teeny bit.

00:27:43.000 I'm sure it doesn't.

00:27:45.000 Do you think so, man, when you remote control your cat? 0.99

00:27:49.000 If you remote controlled your cat, your cat would be like, hey, what the fuck are you doing to me, man? 0.99

00:27:54.000 I think if there's anything, the cat would feel it. 0.99

00:27:56.000 I think if any animal, the cat would be the first thing that...

00:27:58.000 I mean, the cat's tripping on ghosts, you know?

00:28:02.000 Yeah, cats have amazing senses, except the sense...

00:28:07.000 Like, they're not intelligent.

00:28:09.000 They're not intelligent like a person, but they have amazing senses.

00:28:12.000 Like, their senses are off the charts, for sure.

00:28:14.000 Yeah.

00:28:15.000 I would think, if anything, a cat would be perfect.

00:28:17.000 But I would think that their senses are only around to do what they need to do in the natural world.

00:28:23.000 I mean, that's why their senses are senses of smell.

00:28:26.000 They can feel things.

00:28:28.000 They can feel the ground moving.

00:28:30.000 Their pads on their paws are really soft. 1.00

00:28:34.000 And they can walk really quietly when they're sneaking up on shit. 0.99

00:28:37.000 Cats are fascinating little animals, man. 0.99

00:28:40.000 Have you watched any of the cucumber videos?

00:28:42.000 The cats?

00:28:43.000 It's probably one of my favorite things.

00:28:44.000 For some reason, don't do this to your cat.

00:28:47.000 Supposedly, it's mean.

00:28:49.000 But if you take a cucumber, put it behind your cat when it's not looking... 0.61

00:28:53.000 If the cat turns around and looks at the cucumber, it will freak the fuck out.

00:28:57.000 Like, something in its DNA makes it think it's a snake or something.

00:29:01.000 But there's videos, thousands of videos on YouTube of people trying it.

00:29:05.000 Almost all the time, if a cat sees a cucumber just laying behind it, it will jump up and run away or break things.

00:29:12.000 Have you seen these videos?

00:29:13.000 Why a cucumber?

00:29:15.000 I think it's something in their DNA that just thinks it's like, oh, danger, snake.

00:29:20.000 But for whatever reason, somebody just found out by mistake that if you put a cucumber behind a cat, it'll freak it out.

00:29:26.000 And then there's all these animal people that are like, don't do that.

00:29:29.000 You're stressing your cat out.

00:29:31.000 And I can see because all the cat's reactions are like death. 0.99

00:29:34.000 Like, get the fuck out of here immediately. 0.97

00:29:36.000 It's pretty funny, though. 0.81

00:29:37.000 It's some of the funniest videos you'll ever...

00:29:40.000 See, it's cat and cucumber on YouTube.

00:29:42.000 Yeah, you don't want to freak cats out, man.

00:29:44.000 They start pissing all over the place.

00:29:45.000 Yeah, right.

00:29:46.000 Exactly. 1.00

00:29:46.000 If you freak your cat out, they will fucking piss in your pillow. 1.00

00:29:50.000 For sure. 0.99

00:29:50.000 I haven't had a cat in almost a year, and I don't miss the litter box. 0.99

00:29:54.000 I don't miss that smell.

00:29:56.000 I don't think I might.

00:29:57.000 I might never get a cat again. 0.99

00:29:58.000 The litter box thing's a fucking real issue. 1.00

00:30:00.000 You have a box of shit in your house. 1.00

00:30:02.000 A box of shit and cat piss from an ungrateful roommate that doesn't pay shit, that gets mad at you when you try to trim their hair. 1.00

00:30:10.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:30:14.000 My cats get trimmed and they freak out about it.

00:30:18.000 It doesn't hurt them and I pet them the whole time when the lady's grooming them. 0.97

00:30:22.000 But one of my daughters is allergic to cats and it makes a big difference if we trim the cat's hair. 1.00

00:30:28.000 She doesn't have a bad allergy but it's certainly an allergy and she's been tested for it. 0.90

00:30:32.000 So when I'm Doing this, I have to fucking just hang out with the cat the entire time. 0.89

00:30:39.000 Like, just chill, man. 0.95

00:30:40.000 I'm telling you, there ain't nothing.

00:30:42.000 It's just a little massage with a little thing.

00:30:44.000 Do you trim it or do you have somebody to trim it?

00:30:46.000 No, the lady does it. 1.00

00:30:46.000 She's a professional. 1.00

00:30:48.000 But it's weird to see them fucking freaking out about it. 0.96

00:30:52.000 I had a cat once that loved it. 0.97

00:30:54.000 She loved it.

00:30:55.000 Spaz. 0.93

00:30:56.000 Like, Spaz would just chill.

00:30:58.000 Like, you would do it, and she'd just hang out.

00:31:01.000 Spaz is not around anymore?

00:31:03.000 Oh, I'm sorry.

00:31:05.000 Spaz. 0.93

00:31:05.000 Yes, she was 19. Damn. 0.93

00:31:08.000 She made it a long time. 1.00

00:31:10.000 That was a cool cat.

00:31:12.000 She's a very cool cat.

00:31:13.000 I've been thinking, though, because, I mean, I've lived with cats my whole entire life.

00:31:17.000 I've been thinking of getting one, but I don't...

00:31:19.000 The pee thing is a real problem, man.

00:31:20.000 They get mad at you, they pee places.

00:31:23.000 Yeah.

00:31:24.000 For whatever reason.

00:31:25.000 And if you have another animal, it's just a lottery if it gets along with the other animal or not.

00:31:30.000 It's a total lottery, especially cats.

00:31:32.000 Cats usually don't get along with other cats.

00:31:34.000 Like, it took my 19-year-old cat a solid five years to get used to Oliver.

00:31:42.000 Oliver's like the easiest-going guy, too.

00:31:46.000 I love cats, man.

00:31:47.000 They're cool.

00:31:47.000 They're like having these weird little things that live with you.

00:31:51.000 You know, they're these weird little warm love buckets.

00:31:55.000 They just come over and just want love.

00:31:57.000 They just want to cuddle with you.

00:31:59.000 Like, my cat Oliver is brutal, man. 1.00

00:32:01.000 I can't watch TV without this motherfucker demanding massages. 1.00

00:32:04.000 He just like literally like headbutts me, drops his body into my lap, rolls around. 1.00

00:32:10.000 He like demands massages.

00:32:12.000 He's hilarious.

00:32:13.000 You gotta cucumber that cat. 1.00

00:32:15.000 He's a funny cat, man. 1.00

00:32:16.000 My cat is funny as fuck. 0.99

00:32:18.000 He's so smart. 0.99

00:32:20.000 He just likes to chill and hang out.

00:32:24.000 And the other cat, the fluffette, the white one...

00:32:28.000 That one is...

00:32:29.000 She's a little bit more assertive. 0.97

00:32:32.000 It's funny.

00:32:33.000 She attacks him.

00:32:35.000 You know, a cat's like, we'll play fight.

00:32:36.000 It's always her jacking him.

00:32:39.000 It's always her around a corner, and he'll be hanging out, and she'll be like...

00:32:46.000 He doesn't know that she's back there, so she knows he doesn't know, so her little legs start shaking, and her tail starts flickering, and she's moving real close, and then she pounces on him! 1.00

00:32:57.000 And fucks him up, and then he, what the fuck, bitch? 1.00

00:32:59.000 And he backs up, and they chase each other for a couple feet. 1.00

00:33:03.000 It's hilarious, man. 0.99

00:33:05.000 But they're both such pussies. 1.00

00:33:07.000 Because they're both ragdolls. 1.00

00:33:09.000 Like, they're the nicest cats.

00:33:11.000 Even when they fight, they don't even fight. 1.00

00:33:13.000 Even when they fight, they're like, ooh, you fucking bitch. 1.00

00:33:16.000 It's like, they barely do anything to each other. 1.00

00:33:19.000 They're like fake fighting.

00:33:20.000 You know, they like each other.

00:33:22.000 They have fun together.

00:33:23.000 Yeah, I mean, cats are some of the funniest animals that exist. 1.00

00:33:29.000 I wish you could let them outside to shit, though, like a dog. 1.00

00:33:31.000 It's just gross. 1.00

00:33:33.000 Do you think these work?

00:33:35.000 Yeah, they actually work pretty well, actually.

00:33:38.000 You would think that that wouldn't work, but I know, like, three people that do it, and it worked almost immediately.

00:33:44.000 The great Robert Schimmel had a bit about it.

00:33:47.000 He goes, you know, they can train cats to use your toilet.

00:33:53.000 He goes, yeah, great. 1.00

00:33:54.000 Now when you have to go, the fucking cat's in there. 1.00

00:33:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:33:58.000 And he goes, well, fuck it, I'll use his litter box. 1.00

00:34:01.000 And he goes, then your friend comes over, would you have a fucking mountain lion for a pet? 1.00

00:34:07.000 Robert Schimmel. 1.00

00:34:09.000 God damn, I miss that guy. 0.99

00:34:11.000 One of the first people I ever saw do comedy. 0.99

00:34:14.000 He was so nice. 0.99

00:34:16.000 God damn, that guy was nice. 0.98

00:34:18.000 He was like one of the nicest people I've ever met. 0.99

00:34:21.000 He was so friendly.

00:34:24.000 Like, every time I saw him, it's always like a happy, like, warm moment. 1.00

00:34:29.000 It was so sad when that guy got sick, and then to recover from that, and then the car accident, it was, fuck, man. 1.00

00:34:34.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:34:39.000 There's a lot of people that, you know, like, you go to the comedy store and you look at the walls of how many, you know, great comics that just fucking disappeared.

00:34:50.000 And I'll sit there sometimes and just Google everybody's name that's on the wall, like, you know, see where they're at now.

00:34:57.000 It's amazing how they just fall off, like, just disappear and never do anything.

00:35:02.000 Like, what happened to this person, this person, and this person? 0.97

00:35:06.000 Yeah, I mean, people get lost in life and people move on to other shit, too, though. 0.84

00:35:11.000 You know, sometimes people just decide they don't want the stress of performing anymore. 0.84

00:35:15.000 Maybe they like other creative endeavors.

00:35:18.000 You know, you and I talked about that for a while when you weren't doing stand-up.

00:35:23.000 You know, you were making these funny videos and you were like, well, you know, I'm already kind of a comedian.

00:35:28.000 You know, it's just my audience is the internet when you were doing videos, which...

00:35:32.000 That was an excuse because I didn't want to do stand-up.

00:35:35.000 I mean, after I did that Bob Hope joke, I'm like, I'm good.

00:35:37.000 I'm done.

00:35:38.000 I don't want to ever feel that pain ever again.

00:35:41.000 Yeah, and some people, the risk of that pain, it's just not worth it.

00:35:46.000 It's not worth it to do that to your life.

00:35:48.000 You maybe also like painting, or maybe also like writing books, or maybe, you know...

00:35:54.000 Some people, you don't have to do it.

00:35:56.000 You know, like, that's the thing about stand-ups, though.

00:35:58.000 Like, if you do it and you don't want to do it anymore, everybody's like, boo!

00:36:01.000 You don't even want to do it anymore. 0.98

00:36:03.000 Like, you know, you fucking sell out. 0.98

00:36:06.000 Like, people will say that about Aidy Murphy. 0.99

00:36:09.000 You know, like, man, he's not real stand-up.

00:36:11.000 He doesn't do stand-up anymore.

00:36:12.000 You hear, like, the hardcore bros talking like that.

00:36:15.000 I can see, it's hard, because to be a stand-up, you really still, even know how rich you get, if you become a movie star, you're a millionaire, you still have to go in practice and go to the comedy club.

00:36:26.000 So I can see where it's easy to quit if you get to a certain point where you're like, you know what, I'm a grown adult, I'm rich, I have a wife and kids, I don't want to go to this little shitty club and practice these new jokes, you know?

00:36:37.000 So I can see how it's easy to get out of comedy, you know?

00:36:41.000 Yeah.

00:36:42.000 You just don't want the pain of it.

00:36:45.000 It's exhausting.

00:36:47.000 Say if you started some pursuit in your life, like if you started off and you were a painter. 0.99

00:36:54.000 You went to painting school and all that shit and you got through it and you became a respected artist and you were painting all the time, but you fucking hated painting. 0.98

00:37:05.000 Like, you were done with it. 0.99

00:37:06.000 Like, you were done with it.

00:37:08.000 You wanted to go build sailboats.

00:37:10.000 You wanted to...

00:37:10.000 You have these other ideas in your head that you want to pursue.

00:37:13.000 Like, that happens to people, you know?

00:37:16.000 So, if they quit doing stand-up, you know, that's okay.

00:37:20.000 Do you ever think...

00:37:21.000 Listen to me, I'm all philosophical.

00:37:23.000 Do you ever think there's something that you haven't started yet?

00:37:26.000 Like, you know, I'm going to learn how to play guitar this year.

00:37:29.000 Is there anything in the back of your head that you've kind of fucked around with, like the idea of? 0.99

00:37:34.000 No, because I suck so hard at the new things that I'm doing already. 0.99

00:37:39.000 That's not true. 1.00

00:37:40.000 You started becoming an archer, now you're fucking Robin Hood. 0.98

00:37:43.000 Well, I'm not good at all. 0.99

00:37:46.000 I'm constantly practicing at archery.

00:37:49.000 But if you compare me to somebody who's really good...

00:37:53.000 I put a lot of hours in.

00:37:55.000 I practice a lot.

00:37:57.000 I'll shoot sometimes 100 hours in a day.

00:37:59.000 Wow.

00:38:00.000 Yeah.

00:38:02.000 But it's because I'm kind of obsessed with it in some sort of a weird way.

00:38:06.000 You know, it's fascinating to me. 0.89

00:38:07.000 So that's one thing I'm already obsessed with that I suck at.

00:38:11.000 And when I meet you, like, compare me to someone like Cameron Haynes or a professional archer that you, like, might see.

00:38:17.000 Like, a friend of mine just sent me this photo.

00:38:19.000 My friend Johnny Rivett sent me this photo of this young girl.

00:38:22.000 She's, like, 20 years old.

00:38:24.000 And she's won, like, I think he said three world championships in a row.

00:38:30.000 And she's an archer. 0.76

00:38:31.000 You know, like, those people are, like, really good with bows and arrows.

00:38:34.000 Like, there's a total next level.

00:38:37.000 When it's, like, they're shooting at, like, 50 yards.

00:38:40.000 And they're hitting the bullseye every time.

00:38:43.000 And on the axe itself, at 50 yards.

00:38:46.000 They're just dead calm.

00:38:48.000 And just dead on the inside.

00:38:50.000 And when they release that string, nothing moves.

00:38:52.000 And that arrow goes sailing right into that axe.

00:38:56.000 And they can do it repeatedly.

00:38:57.000 They can do it, like, ten times in a row sometimes.

00:39:00.000 These people were freaks.

00:39:01.000 It's really interesting to watch.

00:39:03.000 We used to do archery in elementary school.

00:39:06.000 That was a part of our physical education.

00:39:08.000 And I'm sure you can't do that anymore.

00:39:11.000 Yeah, I bet not.

00:39:12.000 Is it illegal to walk around Robin Hood style with a bow and arrow?

00:39:18.000 Can I walk into an Olive Garden and not get kicked out if I have a...

00:39:21.000 No, they wouldn't let you in.

00:39:23.000 Really?

00:39:23.000 It's a weapon.

00:39:24.000 It is a weapon.

00:39:24.000 Yeah, it's a weapon.

00:39:25.000 It's a slingshot, too.

00:39:26.000 I had some friends who brought their bows to Vegas, and the hotel wouldn't let them take them up to their room.

00:39:34.000 Wow, really?

00:39:35.000 Yeah, they had to check them.

00:39:37.000 Yeah, they had to check in with the hotel.

00:39:39.000 It doesn't seem right.

00:39:40.000 No, it seemed...

00:39:42.000 Well, yeah, though it does.

00:39:43.000 Like what? 1.00

00:39:44.000 Some fucking asshole's gonna be on your elevator with a bow and arrow? 1.00

00:39:48.000 Yeah, but you have a steak knife. 1.00

00:39:49.000 Just shooting people in the aerial?

00:39:51.000 But you can't, like, trust these people.

00:39:53.000 You don't know them.

00:39:54.000 These people, they come in, they're not even Americans. 0.99

00:39:57.000 They got a bow and arrow. 1.00

00:39:58.000 They're crazy. 0.99

00:39:59.000 I mean, what? 0.71

00:40:00.000 No, you can't have this in your room.

00:40:01.000 Give me that thing. 1.00

00:40:02.000 You know, like you come to the saloon, put your fucking gun in the bucket, sir. 1.00

00:40:06.000 You know? 1.00

00:40:06.000 You come to our hotel, give me your fucking bow and arrow. 1.00

00:40:10.000 No, you can't practice in your room and accidentally shoot the fucking television. 1.00

00:40:14.000 I don't know you. 1.00

00:40:15.000 What if you get whiskied up and you're working on your fucking draw length in your hotel room and you send your arrow flying through the middle of the electrical box and cause a fucking 13-story fire that kills a thousand people? 0.99

00:40:27.000 Yeah, but what if you use the steak knife from your steak and you just start stabbing everybody? 0.99

00:40:31.000 I would think that a steak knife would be way more dangerous than a bow.

00:40:35.000 You've got to stop putting ideas in people's heads.

00:40:38.000 It's like airplanes. 0.98

00:40:39.000 I always freak out where you can't have a razor blade on the airplane, but yet you can have a MacBook Pro that you can smack over the head of somebody and probably kill them.

00:40:48.000 It's hard to grip those for real impact, but a skateboard. 0.99

00:40:52.000 You could fuck somebody up on a skateboard. 0.99

00:40:58.000 They were going to change it, but I don't think they did. 0.99

00:41:00.000 They were going to make it so that it's legal to bring pool cues on.

00:41:05.000 But I think they made it so that it's not anymore.

00:41:10.000 Because, like, they thought that you beat people up with a pool cue.

00:41:13.000 But a skateboard's probably a better weapon than a pool cue.

00:41:17.000 Maybe.

00:41:18.000 More distance.

00:41:19.000 Certainly more distance than you and the person you're trying to hit with a skateboard.

00:41:22.000 Yeah.

00:41:23.000 Which makes it more effective in a lot of places because you could hit somebody and they can't hit you yet.

00:41:27.000 Pool cue's gonna break pretty quick, right, though?

00:41:29.000 Yeah.

00:41:29.000 One good hit.

00:41:30.000 Maybe.

00:41:30.000 That skateboard's got trucks, metal.

00:41:32.000 Depends on what it's made out of.

00:41:33.000 But most pool cues have multiple pieces.

00:41:37.000 And that's part of the problem.

00:41:39.000 It's not one gigantic piece of wood.

00:41:42.000 Because for the most part, if you see a beautiful pool cue...

00:41:47.000 What a lot of players like, they like the cue to be 19 ounces.

00:41:51.000 So they work on making...

00:41:55.000 There's a few people that like 20. 20's rare.

00:41:58.000 Sometimes you'll find the outliers that like something heavy.

00:42:01.000 But they're pretty specifically between 18 and 20 ounces.

00:42:05.000 Now, for a normal person, that would seem like, well, what's the difference?

00:42:08.000 Well, to the pool players, the professionals...

00:42:12.000 It's a touch that they develop where they know the exact weight of their cue.

00:42:16.000 And so the exact impact is going to have.

00:42:18.000 So they have to balance it out.

00:42:19.000 And a lot of times the way they balance it out is by using different kinds of wood.

00:42:22.000 So they use one kind of wood for what you see, but another kind of wood for under the wrap.

00:42:27.000 And it'll be a lighter, like a maple, similar to maybe shaft wood even.

00:42:31.000 And then on the outsides of the...

00:42:34.000 The front and the back it might even just be cored where they they drill through the actual hard wood and they stuff a core in there of a softer wood so the cue achieves like the desired look and maybe uniform feel but it has a lower mass a lower weight so you can get it down to like maybe even below 19 ounces or you know for reasonably well done cue but if you hit somebody ahead with that it's gonna break For the most part,

00:43:02.000 possibly. 0.96

00:43:03.000 Yeah, but if you get one of those fucking house cues, like those full splice house cues, and you grab the hard end, the dark end, you can beat the fuck out of somebody with one of those. 0.99

00:43:15.000 That's a different animal. 0.99

00:43:17.000 Because that's one solid piece of wood.

00:43:20.000 Especially those old school ones, those are like the Dufferin blanks, you know?

00:43:24.000 It's like a rosewood on the bottom and a maple on the top.

00:43:28.000 And right from the splice where it's white, that stuff's gonna break.

00:43:31.000 But the stuff above it, you could beat the fuck out of somebody with the stuff above it. 0.99

00:43:37.000 That hard shit, you could hit them as hard as you want, you probably wouldn't break it. 0.99

00:43:42.000 Probably be pretty hard. 1.00

00:43:43.000 People are like, I'll fucking do it, bro. 0.99

00:43:46.000 Okay, maybe you can. 0.99

00:43:47.000 But maybe like a normal person, it would be very hard to break that on somebody.

00:43:53.000 You could do it. 0.94

00:43:54.000 You could be some fucking, you know, Incredible Hulk type character and just smash on the first attempt, but I would imagine, like, it's a much harder and denser, like, weapon than a standard, 0.99

00:44:10.000 like, very pretty pool cue. 0.98

00:44:12.000 A lot of pool cues are, like, artistic.

00:44:15.000 It's really interesting because People outside the pool world, they would think, like, what are you talking about?

00:44:22.000 There's a collector's group of pool cue addicts, and they're addicted to pool cues?

00:44:28.000 They collect cues?

00:44:29.000 But dude, you'd be surprised.

00:44:31.000 There's guys out there that have collections that are worth a million bucks and more in pool cues.

00:44:36.000 Yeah, there's people that have coin collections of butterfly things, like people that collect butterflies. 0.99

00:44:41.000 That's the creepiest shit ever. 1.00

00:44:42.000 Yeah, dead. 1.00

00:44:42.000 You got a dead bug. 1.00

00:44:44.000 Pins all over it.

00:44:45.000 I've got a new one.

00:44:47.000 I've got a new one.

00:44:51.000 Terence McKenna in an old lecture was talking about catching bugs and that there's something like because we used to eat bugs a lot when we were like primates that there's almost like this genetic excitement thing that comes when you catch a bug that's similar to what happens when you catch a fish.

00:45:11.000 You know that thing that happens when you catch a fish?

00:45:14.000 You've fished before, right?

00:45:16.000 Have you ever fished and then ate it?

00:45:19.000 Once, yes.

00:45:20.000 Just once?

00:45:21.000 Yeah.

00:45:21.000 I haven't been fishing since dad, like 14, 15. He would always take me fishing.

00:45:26.000 Wow.

00:45:27.000 That's, wow.

00:45:28.000 Yeah, from Fishinson.

00:45:29.000 Fishing's fun, man.

00:45:30.000 It's awesome.

00:45:31.000 It's a great way to catch a meal, too, right? 0.94

00:45:34.000 But there's some weird fucking primal thing that happens when you pull it out of the water. 0.97

00:45:40.000 You feel like Smeagol-like or something, you know? 0.98

00:45:43.000 It's like, oh, he gets this.

00:45:45.000 He pulls this out of his mouth.

00:45:48.000 Oh, out of its water!

00:45:50.000 It's flopping around the deck.

00:45:51.000 How's this here?

00:45:53.000 You know, there's something weird about it.

00:45:55.000 There's something weird about a fish.

00:45:58.000 Like you're catching something in some alien world and yanking it out of there.

00:46:02.000 It lives in the water.

00:46:03.000 There's a living thing in the water.

00:46:06.000 And you can see them down there. 1.00

00:46:07.000 You fucking cast to him. 1.00

00:46:09.000 And you throw a piece of meat that's covered by a hook. 1.00

00:46:14.000 And he bites the meat and you will fucking yank that hook through the top of his mouth. 1.00

00:46:21.000 A giant steel barb digs into his face. 1.00

00:46:25.000 And then he's still fighting.

00:46:27.000 Like hard.

00:46:28.000 Like pulling left and right and left.

00:46:32.000 The rod is pulling. 1.00

00:46:34.000 The reel is fucking... 0.99

00:46:35.000 What is that thing called? 0.99

00:46:37.000 The clicky thing on the wheel?

00:46:38.000 The drag.

00:46:39.000 The drag on the reel is...

00:46:40.000 It's peeling. 0.99

00:46:42.000 Because this fucking fish is pulling out line, and you finally get him in there, and you suck him out of his dimension, and he's flopping around in your boat. 1.00

00:46:49.000 That is a crazy experience. 1.00

00:46:52.000 It's a crazy...

00:46:53.000 You just pulled some alien creature.

00:46:55.000 It lives in the water.

00:46:56.000 500 years from now, let's say, 500 years, they're definitely going to figure out how to take animals and make them be able to communicate to us.

00:47:05.000 They're going to make that crossover.

00:47:07.000 500 years? 1.00

00:47:08.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:47:08.000 Maybe not even 500 years, right? 1.00

00:47:10.000 But when that happens, we're not going to go fishing anymore because we're going to be talking to a fucking fish. 1.00

00:47:16.000 We're all going to die. 1.00

00:47:17.000 We're all going to be vegans.

00:47:18.000 We're going to be forced to be vegans because of technology.

00:47:21.000 Well, if we do know for sure what an animal's feeling when it dies, it would definitely be way harder to eat meat.

00:47:29.000 Way harder.

00:47:32.000 That's... 0.99

00:47:33.000 That's the argument of like the the vegan movement that makes the most sense because if we really knew but here's the thing A lot of these motherfuckers, they don't even care about each other. 1.00

00:47:45.000 Like those deer that I eat, they kill each other all the time. 1.00

00:47:48.000 They fucking stab each other with the horns that grow out of their heads. 1.00

00:47:50.000 Bears? 1.00

00:47:51.000 Bears are like cannibals. 1.00

00:47:52.000 They're all cannibals. 1.00

00:47:54.000 People get angry like if you eat black bear. 1.00

00:47:56.000 Like first of all, black bear is delicious and bears are fucking monsters. 1.00

00:47:59.000 They're cannibals. 1.00

00:48:01.000 It doesn't mean we don't want to kill them or don't want to let them live or want to extinguish all of them. 1.00

00:48:07.000 No. 0.99

00:48:07.000 No, they're cool. 0.99

00:48:08.000 It's cool having these animals. 0.99

00:48:12.000 But they don't give a fuck about you. 1.00

00:48:15.000 Gotta recognize that they do not give a fuck about you. 0.99

00:48:19.000 Until they start talking to us and then we find out they're just very hard to get to know but they really love you. 0.97

00:48:27.000 You just gotta take your time.

00:48:28.000 But could you imagine if you found out what they were thinking?

00:48:31.000 Could you imagine if you could read minds and you just looked out into a pack of wolves that was chasing elk up to the top of a mountain?

00:48:38.000 Do you know how terrified you would be if you could read the mind of a wolf? 1.00

00:48:42.000 You'd be like, oh my god, we've got to kill them all. 1.00

00:48:45.000 Oh my god, we've got to kill them all. 1.00

00:48:47.000 Dude, all they want to do is kill. 1.00

00:48:49.000 That's all they want to do is kill. 0.96

00:48:51.000 If we could read, but we don't read their minds, so we look at them like, oh, listen to them how. 0.97

00:48:57.000 They're just jacked that they got to kill again today.

00:49:01.000 You know, they have a problem with these elk that they find where wolves get into these elk populations and they decimate the herds.

00:49:12.000 They don't even eat everything they kill.

00:49:14.000 It's crazy.

00:49:15.000 They'll kill like many elk and just leave half the body behind or more. 0.91

00:49:20.000 They don't just sit and eat it until they're done. 0.70

00:49:23.000 They kill again.

00:49:24.000 They kill again.

00:49:25.000 Just like dogs do.

00:49:26.000 You know, you ever heard of it like, my dog got at my chickens once.

00:49:30.000 My dog has killed two of my chickens. 0.99

00:49:32.000 It's a fucking real drag. 0.99

00:49:34.000 But it's instinct. 0.99

00:49:35.000 He's not a bad dog.

00:49:37.000 He can't talk.

00:49:39.000 He doesn't know.

00:49:40.000 In his mind, chickens are death. 1.00

00:49:42.000 You've got to kill that fucking thing. 1.00

00:49:43.000 There it is. 1.00

00:49:43.000 Go get it. 1.00

00:49:44.000 It's programmed in him.

00:49:46.000 It's always a dog.

00:49:48.000 You literally cannot take it out of them.

00:49:52.000 I mean, you could grow them up with, from the time they're puppies, with chickens, just like I did with my cats or the dogs.

00:49:58.000 Don't think of the cats as the enemy. 0.99

00:50:00.000 But if they don't grow up with them, they don't just accept chickens into the fucking yard. 0.99

00:50:04.000 And the dog's seven years old. 0.99

00:50:06.000 He's like, what? 1.00

00:50:07.000 The fuck it is? 1.00

00:50:08.000 Oh, the chickens live with us. 1.00

00:50:09.000 They're our friends.

00:50:10.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:50:10.000 Your friends?

00:50:11.000 Yeah, your friends?

00:50:12.000 Your friends?

00:50:13.000 Okay.

00:50:13.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:50:14.000 Just leave me alone with your friends. 1.00

00:50:15.000 I want to talk to them. 0.99

00:50:16.000 Just jack him. 0.99

00:50:18.000 He was just jacking. 0.91

00:50:19.000 It's not his fault.

00:50:20.000 It's his dog instincts.

00:50:22.000 He never knew that you're not supposed to eat chickens before.

00:50:25.000 He's a grown dog.

00:50:27.000 Wolves are very similar in that way.

00:50:29.000 They want to kill things.

00:50:31.000 And they're beautiful and they're amazing.

00:50:33.000 I'm not saying we shouldn't have wolves. 1.00

00:50:35.000 But people have this idea that we shouldn't keep an eye on those fucking things. 0.99

00:50:42.000 I'm tired of talking to people about this. 0.99

00:50:44.000 Yeah, wolves are awesome.

00:50:46.000 In Canada, they're using helicopters to shoot wolves.

00:50:53.000 Because the caribou population is getting decimated.

00:50:56.000 They just go on a jack and spree.

00:51:00.000 The wolves just take over.

00:51:02.000 They just run rampant.

00:51:04.000 When they get to a sufficient population where they can just dominate herds and surround them, they're raising them like cattle. 0.91

00:51:12.000 They're monsters, man.

00:51:14.000 They jack gigantic numbers of them if they want to. 0.98

00:51:17.000 They're not conservationists.

00:51:20.000 Have you heard about the people taking dogs into New York City at night to take and hunt out rats?

00:51:25.000 Whoa.

00:51:26.000 Good luck with that.

00:51:27.000 Like, little dogs, too.

00:51:27.000 Like, little, like, fun-loving, like, even, like, shih tzus and things.

00:51:30.000 And they just fucking just, just, you made me picture it, because I remember hearing, uh, I think Mike Rowe, the guy from Dirty Jobs, talking on, uh, the Opie and Jimmy show one day about it.

00:51:39.000 Like, he went out, I think he went out with these people for a few nights in a row and made a little documentary online. 0.95

00:51:43.000 I'm trying to find it right now, but, uh.

00:51:45.000 They said it was crazy.

00:51:46.000 They go after their backs and just break their backs and toss them around and just throw them and go after another one.

00:51:50.000 Oh my god. 0.99

00:51:51.000 Hundreds will come out of a rat pile or in a dumpster and shit like that. 1.00

00:51:54.000 And the dogs just jacking them. 0.99

00:51:56.000 Oh my god.

00:51:57.000 That's so crazy.

00:51:59.000 But they just do that.

00:52:00.000 That's their instinct. 1.00

00:52:03.000 As an adult, I haven't looked at a chicken's butt, but is it like an asshole in a vagina like every other animal? 1.00

00:52:10.000 No, it is a... 1.00

00:52:12.000 I forget the word.

00:52:14.000 Egg hole?

00:52:15.000 Succulent?

00:52:16.000 What is the word?

00:52:16.000 There's a word of the opening.

00:52:18.000 I forget what the word for the opening, rather.

00:52:22.000 I forget what it is.

00:52:23.000 But it's a hole that everything comes out of. 1.00

00:52:25.000 Piss, shit, babies, everything. 1.00

00:52:28.000 That seems like an upgrade. 1.00

00:52:30.000 What's the name of that?

00:52:31.000 Do you know what the name of that hole was?

00:52:33.000 Find out what a chicken's hole. 0.96

00:52:35.000 I just remember that old porn video. 0.97

00:52:39.000 I've seen this.

00:52:40.000 Have you seen this? 0.98

00:52:41.000 What we're looking at is a chicken wearing sweatpants and it's fucking adorable. 0.98

00:52:45.000 It's so funny. 0.99

00:52:47.000 It's really funny.

00:52:48.000 It's adorable. 0.99

00:52:49.000 I just remember that old video of that dude fucking that chicken. 0.99

00:52:52.000 Oh my god. 0.98

00:52:53.000 And I just wondered, you know, if that's legit. 1.00

00:52:57.000 People definitely fuck chickens. 1.00

00:52:59.000 Apparently. 1.00

00:53:00.000 It just seems soft.

00:53:01.000 Well, if you think about it, it's made out of feathers.

00:53:04.000 It's called a vent?

00:53:05.000 A vent, that's it.

00:53:07.000 That's the word I was trying to, the technical word.

00:53:12.000 But vent sounds like I can remember that.

00:53:15.000 But yeah, everything comes out of one hole.

00:53:17.000 That's interesting.

00:53:18.000 It has to be pretty dirty in there. 0.86

00:53:22.000 Oh my god, these dogs are just letting them loose on rats.

00:53:25.000 Oh god.

00:53:26.000 Oh, this is so crazy.

00:53:28.000 Oh my god, this is so crazy.

00:53:33.000 This doesn't show a ton of it.

00:53:34.000 I guess this is just a little portion of it.

00:53:37.000 There's more of it online if you want to look it up.

00:53:38.000 Powerful, Mike Rowe.

00:53:40.000 That's pretty funny.

00:53:41.000 Mike Rowe has some cool-ass subjects.

00:53:44.000 His show is fascinating.

00:53:46.000 That's the Dirty Jobs guy, right?

00:53:47.000 Yeah.

00:53:48.000 He did another one, too, right?

00:53:50.000 Did Dirty Jobs and another one. 1.00

00:53:52.000 This is fucking nuts! 1.00

00:53:54.000 These dogs jacking rats. 1.00

00:53:56.000 Oh, this is so fucked up. 1.00

00:53:59.000 Wow. 1.00

00:54:00.000 That's fucked up. 0.99

00:54:02.000 He says down here it's unlike anything he's ever seen, which, after doing all the Dirty Jobs, that's pretty fucked up. 0.99

00:54:08.000 I've talked about this, I believe, before once, at least. 0.86

00:54:12.000 But there was one time where I was in New York, and yet I had to use a payphone.

00:54:18.000 I didn't have a cell phone at the time.

00:54:20.000 And it was early 90s, I guess.

00:54:23.000 Real early 90s.

00:54:24.000 And I parked my car at this gas station.

00:54:27.000 I was pumping the gas, I set the pump on it, and then I went over to the payphone.

00:54:32.000 And in the time it took me to walk from that car to the payphone, put the coins in and turn around, there was three rats on my car.

00:54:41.000 They were running over the top of my wheel wells. 0.75

00:54:44.000 They were running over the top where the wheel is and then down under. 0.99

00:54:47.000 And then another one would come up and jump up and go down under and I was like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:54:52.000 Like, they were everywhere, man. 1.00

00:54:55.000 There were so many of them.

00:54:56.000 It's so creepy.

00:54:58.000 Because I was watching it going, you can't stop these things.

00:55:02.000 Look how many of them there are.

00:55:04.000 And I was just thinking, like, what is it like to sleep in these buildings and hear those things running through your walls? 1.00

00:55:10.000 Yeah, this is fucked, dude. 1.00

00:55:12.000 But these rats can have, like, rabies. 1.00

00:55:15.000 Well, one of them made it.

00:55:17.000 One of them made it into the sewer, huh? 1.00

00:55:19.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:55:20.000 Killer rap. 1.00

00:55:22.000 They give the dog a rabies shot.

00:55:24.000 Simple.

00:55:26.000 Duh.

00:55:27.000 I did this podcast with Tiffany the other day in my backyard and it ran right over her foot.

00:55:33.000 I think it might have ran in my house, though.

00:55:35.000 And so now I've been freaked out thinking there's a rat in my house. 0.99

00:55:38.000 My cat, Fluffette, we're eating and the cat walks over to the fucking table with a dried out rat. 0.99

00:55:46.000 Like an old dead rat. 1.00

00:55:48.000 Oh, gross. 0.98

00:55:49.000 Dude!

00:55:52.000 I had some some work done on my basement and I'm just thinking maybe there was like something trapped in the wall that like as They were cut into the wall.

00:56:04.000 She got the old dead rat. 0.98

00:56:06.000 I have no idea where the fuck it came from But it was in my house and it was like a mummy man. 1.00

00:56:10.000 Oh, maybe it was under a couch or something or maybe it doesn't make sense We've tried to figure it out I'm trying to figure it out. 0.99

00:56:17.000 It's fucking so disconcerting. 0.94

00:56:19.000 I hate this mystery. 1.00

00:56:19.000 But cats will find shit. 1.00

00:56:21.000 You know, cats will find shit, man. 1.00

00:56:23.000 Don't they bring it to you, like a present? 0.99

00:56:26.000 Yeah, it's weird, dude.

00:56:27.000 It's so weird.

00:56:28.000 It's so weird.

00:56:29.000 They do that.

00:56:30.000 It's so weird. 1.00

00:56:31.000 They're like little fucking massage demanders. 1.00

00:56:34.000 That's what they are. 1.00

00:56:35.000 They're little tiny massage demanders. 1.00

00:56:38.000 I make the mistake sometimes of trying to write on the couch, like with the laptops, trying to write shit. 1.00

00:56:43.000 And this motherfucker just is relentless. 1.00

00:56:46.000 He'll come up and just bang, headbutt my hand, step on the keys. 1.00

00:56:50.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:56:51.000 And you push him off, he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00

00:56:53.000 I know you pushed me off, but now I'm back.

00:56:55.000 And I want the exact same thing I wanted a couple of seconds ago.

00:56:58.000 But I'm just going to try to do it a little slower, maybe. 0.99

00:57:01.000 He doesn't give a fuck. 0.99

00:57:02.000 He just wants massages, period. 1.00

00:57:04.000 Give it to me. 0.91

00:57:06.000 I would have to spray him with water to get him off me.

00:57:10.000 They hate that.

00:57:11.000 They hate even just the sound.

00:57:13.000 But I don't want to do that.

00:57:14.000 I just want them to chill out.

00:57:16.000 Why don't you just relax?

00:57:17.000 Just hang out with me, man. 1.00

00:57:19.000 I don't have to demand attention, you fucker. 1.00

00:57:21.000 You know? 1.00

00:57:23.000 Did you see that?

00:57:24.000 There's, I guess, a new either movie or series, O.J. Simpson versus The People.

00:57:28.000 Yeah, you know, I was talking about this with someone, and it was a good point.

00:57:37.000 That the people that are growing up today, like the 20-year-olds, they don't even know that story. 0.77

00:57:44.000 Like, for us, it was a part of our life growing up because we were like, holy shit, he got off. 0.99

00:57:49.000 He got off. 0.99

00:57:51.000 Oh my god.

00:57:52.000 Everybody was pretty much convinced he was guilty.

00:57:55.000 Except those people that needed to be convinced.

00:57:57.000 And the lead-up to it, some of the most popular movies, the Naked Gun series, we all kind of fell in love with this guy.

00:58:03.000 It was kind of like, what?

00:58:05.000 Not that guy.

00:58:07.000 And out of nowhere, that took two years of everyone's life following this guy's story.

00:58:11.000 And still, it's still fascinating to this day.

00:58:14.000 When you see him on TV, when there's some sort of a prison thing going on, and you see they have photos of him, and they're moving him around or something like that, it's like, whoa.

00:58:24.000 This is strange to see, man.

00:58:26.000 I wonder if there's any way to do any new evidence using today's DNA technology to find out if he, you know, like this making the murder, you know, you haven't watched it yet.

00:58:35.000 No.

00:58:36.000 Just making this murder things interesting because of like, you know, like the technology that they're using like and stuff like JonBenet Ramsey, like it seems like they should be able to find who killed her now using today's technology.

00:58:47.000 Yeah, I don't know how much evidence they still have that they have saved.

00:58:51.000 I don't know how that works.

00:58:53.000 Do you know how that works?

00:58:55.000 I'm sure they have evidence.

00:58:57.000 I would imagine.

00:58:58.000 Yeah.

00:58:59.000 Right?

00:58:59.000 They can go back in there and, you know, use the...

00:59:03.000 I don't know, man.

00:59:04.000 I think the real problem with that JonBenet thing is that they had fucked up the evidence. 0.84

00:59:08.000 One of the parts of the murder case that was fucked up is there was like fresh snow. 0.86

00:59:13.000 And these people would have been able to find footprints in the fresh snow. 0.95

00:59:18.000 And these cops tread all over everything.

00:59:23.000 That was a big mistake.

00:59:24.000 And the way they investigated it, apparently there were a bunch of criticisms about the way they handled it.

00:59:29.000 They just had never handled a case like that before.

00:59:32.000 It was the Boulder Police Department.

00:59:34.000 Boulder's a small town. 1.00

00:59:36.000 And you don't have a lot of fucking crazy people murdering their kids. 1.00

00:59:39.000 Or, you know, allegedly. 1.00

00:59:42.000 They don't even know who did it, right?

00:59:44.000 They never figured out who did it.

00:59:45.000 Yeah, I still think it's the family. 0.99

00:59:47.000 Well, everybody thinks it's the family, but that's a fucking crazy indictment if you're wrong. 0.82

00:59:52.000 I told you about that crazy conspiracy theory the other day that the online world thinks there's some... 0.99

00:59:59.000 Crazy serial killer that's tied to this.

01:00:01.000 Oh my god. 0.96

01:00:02.000 They've linked him to that JonBenét Ramsey thing too, the same serial killer.

01:00:04.000 He's done these crazy stories that have no explanation for who did what and someone else has got blame for it.

01:00:10.000 It's a crazy story too, but who knows if there's anything in there.

01:00:15.000 Well, I don't know, man, but the point being, if they wanted to try to figure out who the murderer was today, you would have a real problem, I think, with the evidence being contaminated.

01:00:29.000 I mean, how much evidence do they have?

01:00:30.000 How long does a body last before you can exhume it and examine it?

01:00:36.000 What can you get from that? 0.99

01:00:39.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.99

01:00:40.000 I don't have those answers. 0.99

01:00:41.000 Remember those HBO shows, though?

01:00:43.000 The real autopsy series?

01:00:45.000 I can't watch it.

01:00:45.000 Dude, that guy used to freak me out.

01:00:49.000 Yeah.

01:00:49.000 That Michael Baden?

01:00:51.000 You know that guy, the autopsy guy?

01:00:53.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:00:53.000 I couldn't watch those shows, but I'm not into that.

01:00:57.000 I don't know if we talked about this, but there's this bridge in Pasadena called Suicide Bridge, and it was made in, I believe, the 30s.

01:01:04.000 And people die all the time off this bridge.

01:01:08.000 They just go there and kill themselves.

01:01:09.000 I know somebody that was hiking...

01:01:11.000 And he was just hiking, and there's just a girl dead on the trail, because there's like a trail that goes on the bottom of it.

01:01:19.000 And then somebody told me, I don't know if this is true, but somebody told me that when they have huge rainstorms, that all these bones just kind of wash down from this big... 0.98

01:01:27.000 Okay, that sounds like some Scooby-Doo shit.

01:01:32.000 But yeah, they say the bones washed down the mountain and then like in the trail that you'll just like see like little bone here and there that From bodies that like jumped and were never found in this like side of this Wow, if there's that many people have done it. 0.97

01:01:47.000 I mean, it's totally It's not like they're gonna do a thorough job of cleaning you if you jump off a bridge and splatter all over the rocks Yeah.

01:01:54.000 How much can they clean up?

01:01:55.000 I think it's over a hundred people though jumped off.

01:01:58.000 The last girl, the girl that my friend took, he sent me a photo of her body just laying there.

01:02:03.000 But I guess that girl lived in Woodland Hills and she was like 38 and she just, that's it.

01:02:10.000 I'm just going to go to this suicide bridge and do it.

01:02:12.000 Oh my god. 0.99

01:02:13.000 That's awful.

01:02:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:02:15.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:02:17.000 Falling does not seem like the proper way for suicide. 1.00

01:02:20.000 It's fucking real, though. 0.99

01:02:21.000 I bet the rush when you realize you've pulled that trigger and done that. 0.99

01:02:26.000 I saw that video you posted that Andy Stumpf just was teasing you guys to go jump with him.

01:02:30.000 It looked like he landed on the ground at the end of it, but I think he was triggering his parachute.

01:02:35.000 Yeah, no, he triggered his parachute.

01:02:36.000 Oh, he's terrifying.

01:02:38.000 I don't know what it's called, but there's this thing in Mexico where it's a restaurant that's up in the air where you're sitting, glass bottom, in the middle of the air just eating.

01:02:47.000 Like a hot air balloon?

01:02:48.000 No, it's like a...

01:02:50.000 I don't know if you can find it, but it's like you sit down on these chairs and the whole thing is just kind of way up in the air.

01:02:58.000 There it is.

01:02:58.000 What?

01:02:59.000 And you eat super high up.

01:03:02.000 Oh my...

01:03:03.000 It's called Dinner in the Sky.

01:03:04.000 It's 150 feet in the air.

01:03:07.000 Why would you ever want to do that? 1.00

01:03:08.000 Dude, seriously, fuck that. 1.00

01:03:10.000 What if you have to go to the bathroom? 1.00

01:03:11.000 Yeah, man.

01:03:12.000 What if you do?

01:03:14.000 What if you're eating with Mike Goldberg?

01:03:16.000 Yeah, but you have to put seatbelts on.

01:03:17.000 Sorry, we're going to have to lower this.

01:03:20.000 Like you eat with this...

01:03:21.000 Yeah, how do you... 1.00

01:03:22.000 Oh, fuck the fuck out of here! 1.00

01:03:24.000 Oh my god, it's on a crane, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00

01:03:27.000 And it's in Mexico, so you don't even know. 0.96

01:03:29.000 You're strapped in and they're giving you food while this whole thing fucking sways back and forth in the breeze. 0.95

01:03:36.000 They're taking selfies. 0.98

01:03:38.000 Oh my god, you people are freaking me out.

01:03:40.000 I'm nowhere near that thing and I'm freaking out.

01:03:43.000 Yeah.

01:03:43.000 My toes are crunched up.

01:03:45.000 My fingers are crunched up.

01:03:48.000 Heights, man.

01:03:49.000 I can't do it.

01:03:50.000 Oh my god. 1.00

01:03:50.000 The shit you used to do on Fear Factor, man. 1.00

01:03:52.000 I don't even understand how those people can do it. 1.00

01:03:54.000 I'm so glad that nobody ever got hurt doing that.

01:03:59.000 You could do a show up there if you want.

01:04:00.000 Oh, Marriage in the Sky.

01:04:01.000 Yeah, we could do a comedy show.

01:04:03.000 Wow.

01:04:04.000 Let's just promote other people doing it.

01:04:06.000 Coco in the Sky.

01:04:08.000 I'll promote a Joey Diaz performance up there. 1.00

01:04:11.000 Hey, cocksuckers, welcome to Mexico, bitch. 1.00

01:04:14.000 From the clouds. 1.00

01:04:15.000 Dude, last time I did his podcast, him and Lee just dropped acid.

01:04:21.000 And then he gave us these stars.

01:04:24.000 And I wasn't going to eat one, but I ate one.

01:04:27.000 I was with George Perez.

01:04:28.000 George couldn't feel his whole entire face, the whole thing.

01:04:31.000 And then near the end...

01:04:32.000 Maybe he's like that song.

01:04:33.000 Yeah.

01:04:35.000 Feel my face when I'm a Jew.

01:04:37.000 I look over at Lee, though, and his eyes are rolled back in his head.

01:04:42.000 Whoa.

01:04:42.000 And, like, that guy, man.

01:04:45.000 He, like, Joey really... 0.57

01:04:47.000 He's an animal.

01:04:49.000 He's not here to play games.

01:04:50.000 Yeah.

01:04:51.000 Who drops acid to, like, nine at night on a Sunday?

01:04:54.000 Like a soldier. 1.00

01:04:56.000 Like a fucking soldier. 1.00

01:04:58.000 He's an original. 1.00

01:05:00.000 You gotta let him be him.

01:05:01.000 He knows what he's doing.

01:05:02.000 Oh yeah, I know he does.

01:05:04.000 Poor Lee, though, spent the night at the studio, though, and I'm just like, man, if you eat acid, that's like a 10 to 11 hour trip usually.

01:05:11.000 So Joey, after the podcast, was probably like, alright, Lee, take care.

01:05:14.000 And this poor Lee's just sitting there tripping on acid in this random office building somewhere.

01:05:21.000 Oh, how long does acid typically last?

01:05:24.000 It used to last, I would say, about 11 hours, too.

01:05:27.000 You're like, alright, I think I can go to bed now.

01:05:29.000 Oh my god.

01:05:30.000 Yeah, it's not cool.

01:05:33.000 It's like mushrooms times five.

01:05:36.000 It used to be.

01:05:36.000 I don't know if it's the same.

01:05:37.000 My friend just did a peyote ceremony.

01:05:40.000 Oh, holla. 0.98

01:05:41.000 Native American.

01:05:42.000 Yeah.

01:05:42.000 Would you ever do that?

01:05:43.000 Would you ever do the peyote?

01:05:45.000 Here's the problem with ceremonies.

01:05:48.000 You're doing them with a bunch of people you don't even know.

01:05:50.000 And there was kids around here.

01:05:52.000 You don't know who's going to freak out.

01:05:54.000 You know, when you want to do your peyote, man, you should probably be alone.

01:05:57.000 Yeah.

01:05:58.000 Or be with someone you trust.

01:06:00.000 I think, you know, if you get lucky and catch a good group, you might have the time of your life at a peyote ceremony. 0.99

01:06:06.000 Or you could just be hanging out with people who are completely out of their fucking mind and also do drugs. 0.99

01:06:13.000 That's possible, too. 1.00

01:06:14.000 Like, you don't have any control.

01:06:16.000 You're just guessing whether or not this is going to make sense.

01:06:20.000 No, thank you.

01:06:21.000 I think peyote, that's the one where you puke all the time and then it lasts days or something.

01:06:26.000 Peyote's a tricky one, man.

01:06:27.000 It's some sort of a...

01:06:29.000 It's from a cactus, right?

01:06:32.000 And there's another drug that's just like peyote that's also from a cactus that...

01:06:37.000 That I think you can also get similar effects from.

01:06:40.000 I can't remember the name of the cactus, but I guess in Mexico, you can find them all over the place.

01:06:46.000 Really?

01:06:47.000 There's a movie about it, too.

01:06:49.000 I forget the name of the movie, but there's a movie about this guy that's just trying to get this cactus and trip on.

01:06:53.000 What is the active ingredient in peyote, right?

01:06:56.000 Isn't there a...

01:06:57.000 Mescaline.

01:06:58.000 Mesk, yeah.

01:06:59.000 When I was in high school, it was mesk. 0.99

01:07:01.000 The kid dropped two hits of mesk.

01:07:04.000 And they'd say mush, mush, the kid dropped two hits of mesk. 1.00

01:07:07.000 He was fucked. 1.00

01:07:09.000 Like, I remember, like, dropping mescaline. 1.00

01:07:12.000 Like, people would talk about dropping mesk. 1.00

01:07:13.000 And I'd be like, you gotta be out of your fucking mind. 1.00

01:07:16.000 There's no way. 1.00

01:07:17.000 You people are animals.

01:07:19.000 Yeah, there's a few drugs, like, in the early 80s, 70s, that it seems like people used to always talk about that, like, that don't exist anymore.

01:07:28.000 Like mescaline.

01:07:28.000 Yeah, like mescaline.

01:07:29.000 And there was something that... 0.99

01:07:30.000 Joey Diaz showed me a bottle of recently that I was like, what the fuck? 0.99

01:07:34.000 I didn't know that existed. 0.99

01:07:36.000 Quaaludes, yeah.

01:07:37.000 That's the Bill Cosby drug.

01:07:38.000 Is that the Quaalude?

01:07:40.000 Yeah, well, allegedly.

01:07:42.000 That's what he allegedly was in trouble for, was procuring or giving these girls this stuff, allegedly.

01:07:52.000 You know, they're saying now that there's...

01:08:14.000 Oh yeah, he made a deal.

01:08:17.000 I heard that Bill Cosby was about to buy NBC and the Illuminati.

01:08:24.000 Yeah man, the Illuminati.

01:08:27.000 They're all trying to take him down, man.

01:08:29.000 What?

01:08:30.000 I've heard that too.

01:08:31.000 Yeah, where did I read that?

01:08:33.000 So this guy was essentially saying that he's not on Bill Cosby's side, but that the actual law, the way the law is written, he gave him some sort of a deal Yeah.

01:08:53.000 Yeah.

01:08:57.000 Yeah.

01:09:08.000 Prosecuted for it.

01:09:10.000 So now that they want to prosecute him for the same case, this guy thinks that that is not legal.

01:09:18.000 How old is he?

01:09:19.000 Double Jeopardy kind of thing?

01:09:20.000 I don't know.

01:09:21.000 I don't know.

01:09:22.000 We're talking about the same cases?

01:09:24.000 There's so many cases.

01:09:26.000 Yeah, it's another smoke and fire.

01:09:29.000 That's a terrifying one, though, that this guy was doing that to people.

01:09:36.000 We all know people like that, though. 0.98

01:09:39.000 Just creepy-ass guys. 0.94

01:09:42.000 Yeah, but that's such a deep level, man. 0.97

01:09:44.000 That's such a scary level.

01:09:46.000 Scary level of creepitude.

01:09:48.000 That's the scariest.

01:09:50.000 I mean, you're watching, you're looking at people lying unconscious.

01:09:53.000 You know? 1.00

01:09:54.000 And then you're fucking them. 1.00

01:09:55.000 Is it lying unconscious or just not remembering, though? 1.00

01:09:59.000 Is it just blacking out?

01:10:00.000 Who knows, man?

01:10:02.000 I don't know.

01:10:03.000 I think a lot of them are saying it's blacking out.

01:10:05.000 You know, man, the trauma of that, can you imagine?

01:10:09.000 If you just thought that guy was really cool and you wanted to hang out with him and you woke up with one shoe on and your panties are down by your ankles and you realize what happened, you'd be like, what?

01:10:18.000 And you don't even know what to say.

01:10:20.000 You don't even know what to say.

01:10:22.000 You're like, what happened?

01:10:24.000 What?

01:10:26.000 And especially if you're drinking together, you're having fun, having a couple of cocktails, you don't think anything's going wrong.

01:10:35.000 This diet, now I have one drink.

01:10:37.000 I'm wasted.

01:10:38.000 And the other day, luckily I didn't drive, the other day I had like two or three drinks and super bravo blackout.

01:10:46.000 Like I had no idea how I got home.

01:10:49.000 I had no idea like anything that happened. 0.99

01:10:52.000 But that shit's scary because I existed as a human for at least three to four hours. 0.98

01:10:57.000 I even like I checked my phone. 0.99

01:10:59.000 I was texting people.

01:11:00.000 Well, they say honestly when you drink a lot that's it starts happening like later in your life that like people that are They're getting drunk like five six nights a week and I'm not saying you necessarily were but their their tolerance Starts to like drop off their body's ability to fight it off starts to like drop off and the propensity towards blackouts and It's when the way it's been explained to me by someone who had a problem with it,

01:11:30.000 that it gets to this point where it's just like super common to black out, where it didn't used to be.

01:11:36.000 So it just wears on you over time.

01:11:40.000 It's definitely where I've been like, oh, I don't remember.

01:11:43.000 Did I talk to you last night?

01:11:45.000 Like that stuff.

01:11:45.000 But it's just like you remember pieces.

01:11:48.000 This is the first time that I can remember that.

01:11:51.000 It was such a straight blackout.

01:11:53.000 I was freaked out.

01:11:54.000 I just sat there and I was just trying to remember anything that happened in the last four hours or whatever.

01:12:00.000 Cut to, why is my bathroom covered with blood?

01:12:03.000 I don't know.

01:12:06.000 Yeah man, blackouts are terrifying because people, they black out and they get behind a wheel. 0.99

01:12:10.000 Yeah.

01:12:11.000 It is so insane that we have a culture that sells alcohol everywhere.

01:12:18.000 You can buy guns everywhere. 0.99

01:12:20.000 You can do all this crazy shit, but you still can't openly buy weed. 0.99

01:12:29.000 As if that's going to be the tipping point. 1.00

01:12:31.000 If this whole country just says, alright, let's all just relax.

01:12:37.000 Alright, we're going to let it through.

01:12:39.000 As if that would somehow or another make this whole thing fall apart.

01:12:46.000 I'm sorry, go ahead.

01:12:47.000 The whole marijuana thing recently, I keep on forgetting that it's illegal.

01:12:55.000 The other day, I was just like, wow, this is actually illegal, what I'm doing right now.

01:13:02.000 You just kind of forget that marijuana is still illegal.

01:13:05.000 Well, Brian, you have a prescription.

01:13:07.000 Right, right.

01:13:08.000 But the number one thing that cops are being trained for and And the court cases is marijuana DUIs now.

01:13:18.000 Really?

01:13:19.000 Yeah.

01:13:19.000 My friend's a lawyer and he goes, dude, it's surpassing drunk driving now.

01:13:24.000 As far as like the money?

01:13:25.000 Just how many people they catch for marijuana DUIs.

01:13:31.000 And it's the same DUI. Driving under the influence is the same as alcohol.

01:13:35.000 How do they prove it?

01:13:36.000 They have tests now that they can immediately just test you and they're not the most accurate.

01:13:41.000 So that's the only thing that you have going for you.

01:13:44.000 But if they pull you over and there's smoke coming out of your window or they see a joint on you that just got burnt, they can test you now and go, oh yeah, you have marijuana in your system, you got a DUI. No matter if you have a license no matter if you have anything and it's totally like one of those things he's telling me I'm like Jesus Christ you know like I you don't think about that it is still illegal and yeah well even if it wasn't Illegal,

01:14:13.000 okay, let's just say it's legal right.

01:14:14.000 I think we can all Point to like at least one or two people that we know that probably shouldn't drive high and Yeah.

01:14:25.000 Yeah.

01:14:25.000 Absolutely.

01:14:26.000 So they're impaired.

01:14:27.000 Right. 0.99

01:14:28.000 But it's a fucking way different kind of impairment than the kind of impairment that you would get from alcohol. 0.97

01:14:35.000 Like, it's not like a muscular coordination type of impairment. 0.98

01:14:40.000 It's a different impairment.

01:14:40.000 It's like a judgment impairment, perhaps, or just freak out, anxiety, like that kind of impairment and inability to recognize when to merge, when not to merge.

01:14:50.000 Oh, I'm fucking freaking out, man. 0.93

01:14:52.000 That could happen for sure. 0.99

01:14:54.000 That can definitely happen.

01:14:55.000 And that should be taken into consideration whenever you make it legal to do anything.

01:14:59.000 We agree that it's all legal to drink caffeine and get in your car.

01:15:04.000 We all agree that.

01:15:05.000 It's speed.

01:15:06.000 You could have a monster energy drink sitting in your cup holder when a cop pulls you over.

01:15:10.000 That's meth, man.

01:15:11.000 Right.

01:15:12.000 It's an awesome meth.

01:15:13.000 It's delicious.

01:15:14.000 But it's obviously not meth.

01:15:16.000 But it's like probably like how much caffeine is in one of those monster energy drinks?

01:15:23.000 A lot.

01:15:24.000 Dude, those things, if you don't want to play games, if you want to just get crazy, just chug one of those big ones, like the ones that look like the lemonade cans, those giant lemonade cans. 1.00

01:15:35.000 Chug one of those fucking things. 1.00

01:15:37.000 Monster Energy drink. 1.00

01:15:38.000 Those big giant tall boys. 0.99

01:15:40.000 Those things are ridiculous. 0.99

01:15:43.000 Not that much. 0.98

01:15:44.000 Really?

01:15:44.000 This says 160 milligrams per 16 ounce can.

01:15:47.000 Wow, what about Starbucks?

01:15:49.000 That's interesting.

01:15:50.000 So what else is in there then?

01:15:52.000 Well, there's probably a lot of sugar, for sure. 1.00

01:15:54.000 Fuck yeah. 0.99

01:15:56.000 What about sugar-free? 1.00

01:15:57.000 They won't have sugar-free ones.

01:15:59.000 That's interesting.

01:16:00.000 I would have thought it was way more.

01:16:01.000 I was going to add to what you were just saying, though, but there's a certain amount of people you know that shouldn't be driving anyway, even when they're stone sober. 0.99

01:16:06.000 They just suck. 0.99

01:16:07.000 They can't handle all the input. 1.00

01:16:09.000 We have a winner!

01:16:11.000 Jamie Vernon!

01:16:13.000 We're the winner!

01:16:15.000 Yeah, I know a girl that... 1.00

01:16:17.000 I don't think she knows she's driving when she's driving.

01:16:20.000 You know what I mean?

01:16:21.000 I'm constantly like, you know, the light's red.

01:16:23.000 The light's red.

01:16:25.000 If I wasn't here, you would have just ran that.

01:16:27.000 I was watching this lady text and drive yesterday. 1.00

01:16:30.000 Completely in the wrong lane. 1.00

01:16:31.000 I was like, look at this bitch. 1.00

01:16:33.000 Completely in the oncoming lane. 1.00

01:16:35.000 Just crossing over two double yellow lines.

01:16:39.000 Phone in her hand.

01:16:40.000 Texting.

01:16:40.000 Looking up.

01:16:41.000 Swerves back in.

01:16:42.000 I was like, oh my god.

01:16:44.000 She just crossed right over into this.

01:16:47.000 Oncoming Street.

01:16:49.000 Have you ever had any kind of panic attack or panicky feeling from weed recently?

01:16:56.000 No.

01:16:57.000 If I have...

01:16:59.000 Any panic attacks I've had from weed have been...

01:17:03.000 The big ones have all been from edibles.

01:17:05.000 And the panic attacks have been more like...

01:17:09.000 Just a super hard, introspective...

01:17:15.000 objective view of life and death and the cycle of things and the Sun running out of fuel eventually, this planet no longer being viable for life, that all those things are gonna happen millions and millions of years in the future.

01:17:31.000 For you, not so much time.

01:17:33.000 Everybody, not so much time.

01:17:35.000 If you're born today, well, congratulations.

01:17:37.000 You only have a hundred years if you're really, really, really, really lucky.

01:17:42.000 So for all of us, This whole thing is a quick flash where we try to figure out what's going on.

01:17:50.000 It's a quick flash.

01:17:51.000 It's happening right in front of our faces.

01:17:53.000 And we're living it.

01:17:54.000 And while we're living it, we're going, what is going on here?

01:17:57.000 What are we exactly doing?

01:18:00.000 What are we exactly doing?

01:18:01.000 We're working and sleeping and eating and funking and going to the movies, but what are we doing?

01:18:05.000 What is this race?

01:18:07.000 What is this race of people doing? 1.00

01:18:09.000 What is this weird thing that only has a hundred years of life and just starts to figure out how bizarre and weird this whole thing is before it's snuffed out?

01:18:19.000 And the new ones, what they're Similarly short lifespan, benefit from all the information passed on by the ones before them, but still, go through life like it's a dream.

01:18:31.000 Still, do everything you do and think, is this real?

01:18:35.000 What is this life?

01:18:37.000 Like, what is the sky?

01:18:38.000 What is this infinity above my head that no one talks about?

01:18:42.000 Every day, infinity is above your head.

01:18:44.000 What do you do? 1.00

01:18:45.000 You pull the visor down, put your fucking shades on. 1.00

01:18:47.000 God, it's fucking so bright out. 1.00

01:18:51.000 You're looking at the reflection of the sun off gases in the atmosphere above your head that you need to sustain life. 0.96

01:19:01.000 And we're just so used to it, we don't even think of it as interesting.

01:19:05.000 It takes a hundred years to stop you.

01:19:09.000 You could do your best, but you hit a hundred years, it's over.

01:19:14.000 It's not enough time.

01:19:16.000 So you just start to recognize the hustle as you get older.

01:19:20.000 Well, I think...

01:19:21.000 I think, you know, if you had kids today, I think they're a little bit luckier because I feel like we're on the cuff of being able to download us, you know, very soon.

01:19:32.000 And I don't think we might miss it just by like a couple years.

01:19:35.000 I think we will become incredibly annoying spammers of ourselves.

01:19:40.000 That's what we're going to do. 0.97

01:19:42.000 We're going to be able to download ourselves, then we're just going to fucking shoot ourselves into BitTorrent and mega-upload. 0.78

01:19:47.000 We're going to put ourselves everywhere. 0.52

01:19:48.000 Like, I want to go everywhere. 0.99

01:19:49.000 I want to go to fucking Europe. 0.99

01:19:50.000 I want to be in Turkey. 0.98

01:19:51.000 And there'll be doubles and triples of people all throughout this artificial world that we've created of hyperspace. 0.91

01:19:58.000 We're going to have like a hyperspace cloud drive of humanity that's going to be just as fucking crowded as Earth. 0.99

01:20:05.000 And we're going to go, shit, we don't have enough hard drive space in the fucking cloud, and these assholes keep copying themselves because they want to be immortal. 0.98

01:20:14.000 So rich guys would have a cloud server of 200 trillion terabytes, and it would just be filled with copies of themselves. 1.00

01:20:21.000 And then they would just send out fucking fake emails. 1.00

01:20:24.000 Click here to see some dick. 1.00

01:20:26.000 Whoa, I want to see some dick. 1.00

01:20:27.000 And you click there. 1.00

01:20:28.000 Boom.

01:20:28.000 It's an exploit.

01:20:29.000 It gets into your server.

01:20:30.000 Bang! 1.00

01:20:31.000 Makes copies of himself everywhere.

01:20:33.000 Yeah, you'll be able to get Joe Rogan in your cars.

01:20:36.000 Your car has your brain and all your past and all your memories, but your car's talking to you, and it's you.

01:20:43.000 It's like, where am I, bro?

01:20:44.000 Dude, imagine if they figure out a way to...

01:20:51.000 Not just download your consciousness, but take parts out you don't need.

01:20:55.000 Yeah.

01:20:56.000 Like, take parts out that you don't need, like your ego.

01:20:58.000 Take the ego out and have this consciousness be completely compliant.

01:21:03.000 We figured out a way to isolate the ego.

01:21:04.000 We're gonna remove it.

01:21:05.000 And we're gonna put this brain in cars.

01:21:08.000 So you get in your car and you're talking to you, but you don't have your own ego.

01:21:13.000 You're like, hey man, I want to have a say where we drive. 1.00

01:21:17.000 You can't have that shit coming out of your car. 1.00

01:21:19.000 Your car has to be completely compliant, right? 1.00

01:21:21.000 That's how I drive. 1.00

01:21:22.000 I don't take advice from my fucking car. 1.00

01:21:25.000 I'm driving, bitch. 1.00

01:21:26.000 Relax. 1.00

01:21:26.000 But if you could download your consciousness, your own consciousness, in your car, your car would be literally an extension of you. 1.00

01:21:33.000 And the car thinks it's you.

01:21:34.000 Yeah.

01:21:35.000 The car totally thinks it's you.

01:21:36.000 I can't see.

01:21:37.000 Well, the car knows that you and it are one.

01:21:41.000 And that when you're together, you're the same.

01:21:43.000 But his place in life is to be your car. 1.00

01:21:47.000 It's so fucked up. 0.99

01:21:48.000 And you could start downloading you and everything. 1.00

01:21:50.000 So you could download you in the toilet, microwave.

01:21:52.000 You'd just have little Joe Rogan who thinks it's a real person.

01:21:55.000 Yeah.

01:21:55.000 You'd get invaded.

01:21:57.000 Like someone would rig your door up.

01:21:59.000 Ding dong.

01:22:00.000 You open the door.

01:22:01.000 A million Bill Burrs come piling into your house.

01:22:03.000 Because someone decided to just copy Bill Burr and put all the Bill Burr files out into the internet. 0.94

01:22:11.000 You have to kill them all because you don't want a bunch of Bill Burr's talking all day.

01:22:14.000 So you have to be like, I'm sorry, Bill Burr toaster. 1.00

01:22:16.000 I'm gonna kill you now. 1.00

01:22:17.000 They would be like wolves. 1.00

01:22:18.000 They're really cool, but you have to control the numbers.

01:22:24.000 That many of any of us.

01:22:26.000 Imagine if there was a hundred million Jamie Verners. 0.94

01:22:28.000 You would go, listen, dude.

01:22:31.000 Enough! 1.00

01:22:31.000 There's too many of you fuckers. 1.00

01:22:34.000 If people don't think about that shit, man, if it's possible to download consciousness, it's possible to copy it. 1.00

01:22:40.000 If it's possible to copy it, it's possible to spam it. 1.00

01:22:43.000 We're fucked. 1.00

01:22:44.000 Joe Rogan dildos. 1.00

01:22:45.000 Don't put that there!

01:22:46.000 No!

01:22:47.000 Get me out of here! 0.99

01:22:48.000 Well, do you remember when we were talking a long time ago about being able to recreate a celebrity in some sort of an artificial life that will have sex with you? 0.96

01:22:57.000 Mm-hmm.

01:22:57.000 That you could do that.

01:22:58.000 Like, you could make your own, you know, fill in the blank.

01:23:03.000 You could make your own Hillary Swank. 1.00

01:23:05.000 Maybe get a Hillary Swank fetish. 1.00

01:23:07.000 You could literally have a robot sex doll that is her. 1.00

01:23:12.000 Right. 0.99

01:23:13.000 Like it is her.

01:23:14.000 Like if you become like some super billionaire Donald Trump type character and you got long paper, you know what I'm saying?

01:23:20.000 That guy could, he has the cash, or one of those things when they first start get designed, he could do that.

01:23:27.000 He could do whatever he wants.

01:23:29.000 We're going to get there within the next, I'd say 100 years, where they're going to have these artificial people that you can have sex with that are, you're not going to be able, they're going to be like Blade Runner things.

01:23:39.000 You're starting to describe an episode of Black Mirror that you haven't seen yet. 0.99

01:23:42.000 God damn it! 0.99

01:23:44.000 Listen, folks. 1.00

01:23:46.000 I swear to God, I haven't seen that show.

01:23:48.000 I'm not stealing.

01:23:49.000 It's so weird.

01:23:50.000 Yeah, I have to see it. 0.99

01:23:51.000 I only saw the pig fucker one. 1.00

01:23:53.000 It was good. 0.99

01:23:53.000 The one you're talking about is really cool. 0.99

01:23:55.000 Really?

01:23:55.000 Yeah, it's a really interesting idea.

01:23:57.000 And the way they show you how it works is cool.

01:24:00.000 Wow.

01:24:01.000 They're starting it up again, too.

01:24:02.000 How many episodes?

01:24:04.000 There's six, and then there's a special Christmas one they made a little after, and now they're going to start some more.

01:24:09.000 What's the name of the one I need to see?

01:24:11.000 The name of it?

01:24:12.000 I'm not sure.

01:24:13.000 Like I said, there's only six of them, so it's not that hard to find it. 0.98

01:24:19.000 Damn it. 0.94

01:24:20.000 I have the picture over here, but it doesn't say the name. 0.98

01:24:23.000 I think it's totally possible that we're going to be able to replicate what we are.

01:24:30.000 It might not happen in our lifetime or even our children's lifetime, but it just seems to me that they just keep getting better and better at fixing things and using, like, Willie Nelson just had a stem cell operation to fix his lungs. 0.90

01:24:42.000 Willie fucking Nelson, you know?

01:24:45.000 Do you think, like, Obama recently said something about how he's putting an end to cancer. 0.99

01:24:52.000 A wall?

01:24:53.000 An end to cancer. 1.00

01:24:55.000 Like, he's like, we are going to solve this shit. 0.98

01:24:59.000 It was kind of weird, because it's like, oh, yeah, no one's talked about cancer recently. 0.99

01:25:02.000 Why is that not cured?

01:25:03.000 Because they don't want to let us know that the Zitka virus is coming. 0.64

01:25:06.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:25:07.000 Sounds like an old school high school football coach that's ready to fuck up the world. 0.99

01:25:11.000 The Zitka virus is here! 0.99

01:25:13.000 The second, though, you can cure cancer by taking a shot or whatever, eating a pill.

01:25:18.000 Do you think cigarette smoking will come back?

01:25:21.000 Oh, yeah.

01:25:22.000 And I think everybody that's been pitching about it, everyone's just going to start smoking.

01:25:26.000 Yeah, if they figure out a way, well, listen.

01:25:29.000 It's super possible that they're going to be able to figure out a way to make tissue healthier than it is now, right?

01:25:35.000 It's for how long, at what price do you pay?

01:25:38.000 You're always going to pay a price.

01:25:39.000 If you use something abrasive on your lungs, like cigarette smoke, like even joints, I've got to imagine that if you're like one of those hardened leather-lunged hash heads that's just constantly... 0.66

01:25:53.000 Dabbing it.

01:25:54.000 I just gotta think that there's gotta be at least some like irritation of your lungs from the hot smoke.

01:26:02.000 Just some.

01:26:03.000 Vaporizers none.

01:26:04.000 Vaporizer doesn't do any of that.

01:26:06.000 But I would think that just smoke in general is not the best idea for you to take in.

01:26:12.000 Right.

01:26:12.000 So cigarette smoke is real bad because there's all these chemicals.

01:26:15.000 So they might be able to figure out something that can regenerate healthy tissue and get rid of the bad tissue.

01:26:22.000 Maybe they could give you some sort of a flush, you know, where they would fill your lungs up with something and it would just eradicate all the bad tissue. 0.99

01:26:28.000 Who the fuck knows? 0.98

01:26:30.000 They'll figure it out, though, dude. 0.99

01:26:32.000 Whatever it is.

01:26:33.000 They'll fix everything.

01:26:34.000 It's going to be so many people.

01:26:36.000 It's going to be such a problem.

01:26:38.000 Because they're going to be able to fix everything.

01:26:40.000 Within, like, another...

01:26:42.000 How many...

01:26:42.000 Let me make a guess again.

01:26:45.000 Fucking totally unqualified guesses. 0.98

01:26:47.000 That's why airplanes still have ashtrays, because they're, like, waiting for it to come back. 0.98

01:26:51.000 I think airplanes still have ashtrays, just for nostalgia's sake.

01:26:57.000 They don't have the new ones, don't.

01:26:58.000 Some new ones do, and they even put them in the bathroom.

01:27:01.000 They put them in the bathroom, because if they're going to smoke, they want you to be able to put it out.

01:27:04.000 What?

01:27:05.000 There's no country you can still do it.

01:27:07.000 It's not like it's just an American thing, right?

01:27:09.000 I don't know.

01:27:09.000 That's a good question.

01:27:10.000 Is that true? 1.00

01:27:11.000 I bet in Vietnam or some shit. 1.00

01:27:15.000 Get on a plane with one of those fat stogies. 1.00

01:27:19.000 All flights in Philly.

01:27:22.000 Do you remember...

01:27:24.000 Do you remember cigarettes on planes?

01:27:28.000 No.

01:27:29.000 No?

01:27:29.000 I didn't fly until I was a freshman in high school.

01:27:34.000 My first time was flying to Chicago.

01:27:36.000 And it was when AOL first came out.

01:27:38.000 It was the first girl I've ever met on the computer.

01:27:42.000 And I met her in Chicago and I took all these photos of her.

01:27:44.000 And I found the camera the other day.

01:27:45.000 I never got developed.

01:27:46.000 All these photos that are on it.

01:27:48.000 I should do that.

01:27:50.000 But that was the first time I ever flown.

01:27:53.000 And that was already past the cigarette thing.

01:27:55.000 It used to be really strange.

01:27:57.000 It used to be this section.

01:27:58.000 Sometimes the only place you'd get a seat on the plane was in that section.

01:28:02.000 So you'd have to be in the smoking section.

01:28:04.000 It was like a joke.

01:28:05.000 Like a hack joke.

01:28:06.000 Like a reused premise over and over again.

01:28:08.000 The smoking section on a plane.

01:28:10.000 Like a dice clay had the best take on it. 1.00

01:28:12.000 You're in a fucking tube. 1.00

01:28:14.000 He's like, you're in a tube. 1.00

01:28:16.000 The fucking smoke's going everywhere. 1.00

01:28:19.000 It's true. 1.00

01:28:21.000 It's the preposterous idea that you could smoke in one area and it wouldn't affect the rest of the plane.

01:28:27.000 I just googled it.

01:28:28.000 Apparently there's still a rule in the federal code of regulations that they have to have an ashtray.

01:28:34.000 And I think it's only because in 1973 a flight crashed and killed 123 people and the attributed reason was because a cigarette was improperly disposed of.

01:28:44.000 Right.

01:28:44.000 So someone still has to light one up because they break the rule.

01:28:47.000 They still have to have somewhere to put it out.

01:28:48.000 Right. 0.99

01:28:49.000 Wow, what a crazy concession to the most bizarre fucking habit we accept. 1.00

01:28:55.000 It's so common. 1.00

01:28:57.000 It's one of the most common bad health habits.

01:29:01.000 It's such a strange one, man.

01:29:03.000 It's so persistent.

01:29:04.000 So many people are willing to sell their health short in the wide range of their life.

01:29:11.000 All the bad ears. 0.97

01:29:12.000 Just get rid of them. 0.83

01:29:14.000 Enjoy your life with cigarettes.

01:29:15.000 That's what people say.

01:29:16.000 That's what they always say.

01:29:17.000 That's the excuse.

01:29:18.000 I mean, I have a bit about it, but there's some kind of science where they say every pack of cigarettes takes off 30 minutes off your life or something like that.

01:29:27.000 They've figured out what...

01:29:28.000 The averages.

01:29:29.000 And then if you figure out how many years you smoke, then you're like, yeah, I don't want to live to be 100, so I'll live to be 77. That's fine.

01:29:38.000 There's a bunch of those bits out there that are exactly the same as that bit.

01:29:42.000 Right.

01:29:43.000 Well, my bit was, yeah, it takes 30 minutes off your life. 1.00

01:29:47.000 Fuck that. 1.00

01:29:48.000 I'll just wake up an hour early every day and have two packs. 1.00

01:29:53.000 Red Band Mac.

01:29:54.000 That's funny.

01:29:56.000 The other premise though, it's like, that's a beaten premise.

01:29:59.000 The premise of it, but what am I going to miss? 0.88

01:30:02.000 Drooling and shitting myself? 0.96

01:30:04.000 That was one of those things. 0.93

01:30:06.000 It's the last 20. Like, there was a bunch of people that did that.

01:30:09.000 Yeah, there's a few bits that I have retired, and it's just amazing how, you know, with all this Amy Schumer stuff and all that, I saw a I met a girl the other day.

01:30:21.000 I didn't even know she was a comic.

01:30:22.000 And she told me her website.

01:30:24.000 And so later, after I hung out with her, I went home, went to her website.

01:30:28.000 And she's just a new comic. 1.00

01:30:29.000 Opened up her front page.

01:30:31.000 On the front page, she had a video.

01:30:32.000 Press play.

01:30:33.000 It was almost word for word, one of my bits.

01:30:36.000 And I was just like, wow, that's how...

01:30:39.000 Easy it is.

01:30:39.000 She's never seen me.

01:30:40.000 I've never seen her.

01:30:42.000 We've never met.

01:30:43.000 I've only done that bit a few times, but how she said it was almost exactly how I wrote it.

01:30:49.000 There's definitely going to be cases of that.

01:30:52.000 There's no way around it, and it's totally normal.

01:30:55.000 You know, Kurt Metzger had a real good point about it, and he's one of the guys who's involved in this whole thing.

01:30:59.000 He's the head writer of Amy's show.

01:31:01.000 And he said that there's oftentimes, and it's a fact, that people write the exact same premise.

01:31:10.000 And they have no idea.

01:31:11.000 They write it completely independently.

01:31:13.000 They know they wrote it independently.

01:31:15.000 And then they'll see it on something.

01:31:17.000 And it had already been done.

01:31:18.000 They're like, oh, no.

01:31:20.000 Happens all the time because if you can see funny in something other people could see funny in something It's not we're not talking about some insane bizarre esoteric Mr. Show with Bob and Dave sketch like they had some really bizarre if you stole one of those sketches like Dude,

01:31:36.000 it's pretty obvious that this they have like really bizarre original subjects It's a very strange show and the way it's seamless it goes from one scene to the next and and one each show is like an entire piece It's all connected Have you seen the new show?

01:31:50.000 I love it.

01:31:51.000 The Netflix one?

01:31:52.000 It's amazing.

01:31:52.000 It's great.

01:31:53.000 It's really, really good.

01:31:54.000 But if you're just dealing with, like, standard subjects, like sex and relationships and marriage and diseases and work and drinking and, you know, whatever the fuck it sketches on, just normal stuff, normal life stuff, if you...

01:32:09.000 Other people talk about that too, especially with sketches. 0.98

01:32:13.000 Do you know how many fucking sketches have been put out? 0.98

01:32:16.000 We were thinking about this because of this whole thing. 0.99

01:32:18.000 Think about all the years of Saturday Night Live.

01:32:20.000 Saturday Night Live has been on for how many years?

01:32:22.000 What is it, like 30?

01:32:23.000 30. 30 years.

01:32:24.000 Okay.

01:32:25.000 So 30 years of 52 weeks a year.

01:32:28.000 How many weeks are they up though?

01:32:29.000 Are they up every week?

01:32:30.000 No, not every week.

01:32:31.000 They do seasons.

01:32:33.000 Seasons?

01:32:33.000 Okay.

01:32:35.000 So, just whatever the number is.

01:32:37.000 33 or something like that?

01:32:38.000 Probably more.

01:32:39.000 Probably more.

01:32:39.000 To think of all those years of sketches, and each one of them is, how long is it?

01:32:44.000 An hour and a half?

01:32:45.000 Saturday Night Live is long, right?

01:32:46.000 Hour and a half.

01:32:47.000 Hour and a half. 0.99

01:32:48.000 How many fucking sketches is that? 0.99

01:32:50.000 Over all those years, it's hundreds and hundreds of premises. 0.99

01:32:53.000 And then you have Mad TV, which went on forever.

01:32:56.000 People forgot Mad TV went on forever. 0.99

01:32:58.000 And they had some great fucking premises. 0.99

01:33:00.000 Think about how many premises they burned or used, you know? 0.96

01:33:04.000 You know, they burned off, meaning you can't use them anymore because the sketch has already been done.

01:33:08.000 Like, there's so many of them.

01:33:10.000 And you can come up with the same ideas completely independently. 0.99

01:33:13.000 And you think that you're a fucking trailblazer. 0.99

01:33:17.000 You're like, oh, man. 0.99

01:33:18.000 I don't think that's the case in Amy Schumer's stuff, though.

01:33:20.000 You don't?

01:33:21.000 No, because there are multiple sketches from the same sketch.

01:33:24.000 You know what I mean?

01:33:24.000 It's like the slap thing, the other thing.

01:33:27.000 What I think you should find out, if Kurt's headed brighter, you should find out who's the one that took that or wrote that sketch.

01:33:34.000 You know what I mean?

01:33:35.000 Maybe hold that person responsible, you know?

01:33:40.000 It is entirely possible that people could come up with either one of those things independently.

01:33:48.000 Entirely possible.

01:33:49.000 Absolutely.

01:33:49.000 Where it gets weird is that they're both back to back in the exact same order.

01:33:53.000 That's where it gets weird.

01:33:55.000 So is it possible for that to happen?

01:33:57.000 Yeah, it's totally possible.

01:33:58.000 It's all...

01:33:59.000 I think...

01:34:01.000 He put it best when he was criticizing his own show.

01:34:05.000 He's like, if we're guilty of anything, we're guilty of being hacky.

01:34:08.000 He goes, a lot of the stuff's kind of hacky.

01:34:11.000 It's not true, though.

01:34:12.000 Some of those sketches...

01:34:14.000 No, I mean, yeah, it's true.

01:34:15.000 It's hacky, but that's not true of what happened in this case.

01:34:17.000 Because these are multiple incidences of the same...

01:34:20.000 Like, as an example, the slap-shap and the shaky thing.

01:34:24.000 That's two things.

01:34:25.000 Well, the thing is that they're back-to-back.

01:34:27.000 That's what makes it weird.

01:34:28.000 Because you've seen the Flintstones thing, right?

01:34:31.000 Yes.

01:34:31.000 So the Slap Chef, the Kathleen Madigan joke, although I know Kathleen, she's hilarious, and I'm sure she came up with it on her own.

01:34:40.000 She probably didn't know that that had been a part of the Flintstones.

01:34:45.000 She probably forgot it or never saw it or who knows.

01:34:47.000 The magician thing.

01:34:48.000 Almost copied exactly.

01:34:49.000 Yeah, almost exactly.

01:34:49.000 The girl...

01:34:50.000 In the same order.

01:34:51.000 The black girl or the black person at the retail store, you know, the Keenan Peel thing or whatever. 0.55

01:34:57.000 It doesn't look good. 0.92

01:34:59.000 Yeah.

01:35:00.000 It wasn't Keenan Peel.

01:35:02.000 They were on Mad TV, actually, at the time.

01:35:04.000 Yeah.

01:35:05.000 No, it doesn't look good.

01:35:05.000 No, I mean, it doesn't look good, but what I think...

01:35:10.000 I don't think she's guilty.

01:35:11.000 I think it was writers, and I think she needs to kind of stand up and be like, look, it wasn't me, and this guy stole two bits, and this guy stole two bits.

01:35:21.000 We're assuming they did.

01:35:23.000 Allegedly.

01:35:24.000 The problem is, first of all, for her, she's in the worst position, right?

01:35:30.000 Because it's her show.

01:35:32.000 She's got her name on it.

01:35:33.000 But if I was...

01:35:34.000 I looked at this completely honestly.

01:35:36.000 As little as I watch sketch comedy...

01:35:39.000 I didn't know that any of those bits had been done before.

01:35:41.000 I didn't know that the...

01:35:43.000 All of them.

01:35:44.000 Pretty much all of them.

01:35:45.000 I didn't know.

01:35:46.000 So if somebody tried to sell those to me, I'd be like, oh, that's a good sketch.

01:35:51.000 So I guess every time a sketch comes up, you've got to enter that premise into Google.

01:35:57.000 Jim Norton and I were just talking about it this weekend.

01:35:59.000 If you're writing hundreds and hundreds of sketches, if you're doing a Saturday Night Live or something like that, how do you find out whether or not this premise has been done before?

01:36:09.000 You don't have to worry about it.

01:36:10.000 What you have to do is do your own version of that premise.

01:36:13.000 But in this case, The Magician was an exact rip-off.

01:36:17.000 It was like buying a fake iPhone from China.

01:36:21.000 It wasn't a premise that they both played around in.

01:36:25.000 It was an exact rip-off.

01:36:27.000 It was almost filmed exactly the same.

01:36:30.000 Let's say it was the exact same sketch in the exact same order.

01:36:33.000 Whether it was a rip-off...

01:36:37.000 Those...

01:36:37.000 It's hard to say whether someone...

01:36:41.000 Unless they come out and say, hey, I saw that guy do it, and that's where I came up with the bit, and I tried to pretend I wrote it myself.

01:36:47.000 Unless they come out and say that, it's so hard to figure out what's going on.

01:36:51.000 Just being completely fair.

01:36:53.000 It's always hard.

01:36:54.000 The problem is there's multiple instances.

01:36:58.000 I get it.

01:36:59.000 I get it.

01:37:00.000 I agree.

01:37:01.000 Those premises, though, hmm...

01:37:04.000 There's a few of them that are pretty original.

01:37:07.000 I thought the counter guy, like her not being able to talk to the black guy, was pretty original. 0.99

01:37:13.000 But who the fuck knows, man? 0.99

01:37:17.000 Who knows? 0.99

01:37:19.000 It's possible if one person came up with it, another person could come up with the same thing.

01:37:23.000 Just you don't know.

01:37:24.000 And the real problem lies in when people lie and steal and then pretend they didn't.

01:37:31.000 So if someone is, you know, you have a bit, it's a killer bit, and this guy just swipes it and starts doing it and goes, dude, I came up with the exact same bit.

01:37:39.000 I'm so sorry.

01:37:40.000 And then starts doing it.

01:37:41.000 Well, then you got an ethical problem.

01:37:43.000 Then you got a real problem.

01:37:44.000 But if you both come up with the same bit, like a tell is probably the best at it.

01:37:50.000 And one of the things that Norton and I were talking about, like a tell will go up to everybody when he has a new bit.

01:37:56.000 If it seems like it came too easy, if he's like, where'd that come from?

01:38:00.000 Have I heard this before?

01:38:01.000 He'll text you.

01:38:02.000 Hey man, have you heard this before?

01:38:03.000 He'll call you.

01:38:04.000 Like he's real diligent about that.

01:38:06.000 And if somebody else already has one, just chucks it aside.

01:38:10.000 And I think...

01:38:12.000 That's probably the best way to be.

01:38:14.000 Just do what you think is original and try to find out if anybody's already done it, I guess. 0.97

01:38:24.000 But how the fuck do you do that? 0.95

01:38:25.000 See, what I do, or what I try to do, I've always tried to do this. 0.99

01:38:29.000 Except for you or Don Barris or Brody Stevens, I don't watch comedy.

01:38:36.000 I don't like watching other comics.

01:38:38.000 I don't want to be influenced by it.

01:38:40.000 And I think if you...

01:38:41.000 As a comic, if you follow that kind of rule where you're not really watching comedy, even if you did come up with the same present, you could say with a straight face, look, I've never seen you.

01:38:51.000 I don't watch comedy.

01:38:53.000 That's what I thought of.

01:38:54.000 That's true.

01:38:55.000 You could definitely look at it that way.

01:38:57.000 But there's other comics that you always see in the back of the room.

01:39:00.000 They love comedy, like watching comedy.

01:39:02.000 So if that happened to somebody like that, you'd be like, dude, you've watched me do that joke 500 times.

01:39:08.000 Right.

01:39:08.000 But that's why I would have to tell you, in certain circumstances, jokes that are really common, like the one that you did know that was really common about the last 20 years.

01:39:20.000 What years are you missing?

01:39:23.000 Like, if you smoke cigarettes, it takes 20 years off your life.

01:39:26.000 I like your take on it, though.

01:39:28.000 Your take on it's pretty funny, because it's a ridiculous red band math equation.

01:39:31.000 Yeah, well, I mean, it's like 30 minutes a day, just wake up an hour early.

01:39:34.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.62

01:39:36.000 It's a ridiculous red band math equation.

01:39:38.000 But, um...

01:39:41.000 Can you copyright jokes?

01:39:43.000 I mean, I'm looking at it right now, you can, but would you, have you heard of someone doing it?

01:39:48.000 You know, I think, look, there's a lot of us, man.

01:39:52.000 I mean, if you think about all the stand-up comics in the world, there's probably...

01:39:57.000 Thousands of us, right?

01:39:58.000 And for the most part, there's very few problems.

01:40:00.000 And one of the reasons why there's very few problems is because we kind of police ourselves.

01:40:04.000 And we make it a big point about being fair and about supporting artists that don't do it.

01:40:14.000 And not supporting artists who do do it.

01:40:16.000 And just because someone has done it in the past, too, it doesn't mean that they're a terrible person.

01:40:22.000 They can never redeem themselves.

01:40:24.000 They can never...

01:40:25.000 No, it doesn't mean that at all. 1.00

01:40:26.000 It means they fucked up. 1.00

01:40:27.000 People fuck up. 1.00

01:40:28.000 People make mistakes. 0.99

01:40:29.000 It doesn't...

01:40:32.000 It'll take care of itself, sort of?

01:40:34.000 I think more than anything, man, it's comedy fans that are policing it now.

01:40:38.000 It's really interesting.

01:40:40.000 And I say fans, and I use it in the loosest term possible, because some of them are actual fans of the person they're going after, and some of them are just not.

01:40:49.000 You know, some of them, they've been looking for some reason why this person is no good for a while, and then when they find this, they just go wild with it, and they love it.

01:41:00.000 So they're not necessarily fans of the person.

01:41:02.000 So if they're making a video about her, they're not necessarily fans of her, but they might call themselves comedy fans.

01:41:09.000 And so they see something like this happen and they get furious.

01:41:13.000 Just have to be real careful because there's a giant issue with it being a bunch of people writing on a show and doing sketches.

01:41:23.000 It's so fucking hard to know where those things are coming from.

01:41:27.000 It's just real hard to know. 0.96

01:41:29.000 It's interesting, though, that it always seems to happen.

01:41:32.000 You know, like you had The Mind of Mencia.

01:41:35.000 You got Amy Schumer's show.

01:41:38.000 I saw the other day a John Heffron bit that made it up in Key and Peele.

01:41:43.000 Oh, really?

01:41:44.000 Yeah, and it seems like that maybe...

01:41:50.000 The people that write for these kind of shows don't think it's that bad, especially since it's all the same network.

01:41:57.000 Well, I think, first of all, there's some people that write, and this isn't to hold stand-up comics in some crazy high form of ethics and morality, but there's some people that write on shows that are not stand-up comedians, and their ideas about ideas are different than our ideas about our ideas.

01:42:16.000 What I mean by that is...

01:42:19.000 They can get away with it.

01:42:20.000 Some of them will pilfer an idea whether it's take it from a book and rearrange it Take it from a video and transcribe it and don't give the person credit who said it the first time when when people are taking Jokes from comedians and using them to create sketches with them and pretending that they came up with them on their own It's you know,

01:42:42.000 it's not it's not cool.

01:42:44.000 It's right. 0.97

01:42:45.000 It's fucking gross But they probably aren't comedians. 0.98

01:42:49.000 So it's like if you had a really funny line for a joke that was a lyric of a song, and you heard it in a song, and you're like, ooh, I'm going to put this in my act. 0.99

01:43:01.000 I'm going to have this amazing punchline in my act that is from this song.

01:43:07.000 So the joke in the song is, I'm going to pretend I came up with it on my own, put it in my act.

01:43:12.000 It's like similar in that kind of a way, you know what I'm saying?

01:43:14.000 Absolutely.

01:43:15.000 So like someone who's not a comic, I don't think...

01:43:18.000 I don't wonder if they would...

01:43:19.000 They're not even a part of the comedy community.

01:43:21.000 They're a writer. 1.00

01:43:21.000 Like, fuck this dude. 1.00

01:43:23.000 He's gonna gank his shit. 1.00

01:43:25.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:43:25.000 He's just gonna become productive. 1.00

01:43:28.000 What are the odds these people are gonna watch an old 20 years episode of What's Happening?

01:43:34.000 You know, or 40 years.

01:43:35.000 How long ago was that on?

01:43:36.000 A long time ago, right? 0.97

01:43:38.000 Who the fuck's gonna watch What's Happening? 0.96

01:43:39.000 You gonna go over all those premises? 0.98

01:43:41.000 No, there might be a hilarious premise that they could pull out of that.

01:43:45.000 Why did I say What's Happening?

01:43:46.000 What's Happening?

01:43:47.000 It's terrible for sketches. 0.87

01:43:49.000 I was trying to think of some, like, a ridiculous old sitcom. 0.87

01:43:53.000 I drew a blank!

01:43:56.000 One thing I always thought was interesting is, because just from watching so many roast battles and stuff like that, is how...

01:44:02.000 Roast jokes are like the same jokes that they've used for, you know, years and years and years and years just kind of rebranded and like, and it used to be totally acceptable before there was internet before there was TV shows, you know, like the Friars Club and all that stuff like that.

01:44:20.000 They're all kind of like, Taking from each other and reusing shit that Charlie Chaplin may have said.

01:44:27.000 It's just interesting that that's one of the few things in comedy that it's kind of like an unspoken thing, but who cares? 0.97

01:44:37.000 No one's getting mad if you reuse a roast joke that Milton Berle's mom made.

01:44:44.000 Yeah, but they probably would if they were roast fans.

01:44:47.000 Hinchcliffe would probably be mad because he's a roast fan.

01:44:50.000 Yeah, well now, with TV and stuff like that, it's interesting because if they have a roast show on Comedy Central, or somebody does a joke on that, and they reuse it in their roast a few years later, now it's like, oh, you can't do that anymore,

01:45:06.000 even though you used to be able to do it, and that was the whole thing.

01:45:09.000 I wonder if that's what the whole thing was.

01:45:11.000 I mean, that's what it was in the Catskills days.

01:45:15.000 Right.

01:45:15.000 In the old days, they would have these resorts from Dirty Dancing.

01:45:22.000 That was Catskills, right?

01:45:23.000 Wasn't it?

01:45:26.000 Man. 1.00

01:45:27.000 That's how fucked up cigarettes are, man. 1.00

01:45:30.000 Cigarettes took Patrick Swayze. 1.00

01:45:32.000 Yeah.

01:45:33.000 Dude, we lost Patrick Swayze to cigarettes.

01:45:35.000 We lost the dude from Roadhouse with the flowing locks.

01:45:39.000 Yeah, Sylvester Stallone flexes in the mirror every day.

01:45:44.000 He's still alive.

01:45:45.000 He's like seven.

01:45:45.000 He looks great.

01:45:46.000 You know how popular Dirty Dancing was and how popular that soundtrack was that they released a soundtrack like two months after that had none of the music from the movie, but it was just called like Dirty Dancing Soundtrack Part Two.

01:45:59.000 It was just a way to sell another CD. That is every girl's dream.

01:46:04.000 A beautiful man who can dance is a really manly man who will fight to defend his right to dance.

01:46:12.000 He's got perfect cheekbones.

01:46:14.000 If I say that to any other girl...

01:46:16.000 Are you kidding me?

01:46:17.000 This guy dances.

01:46:18.000 Get out of here. 0.99

01:46:19.000 If I was a girl, I'd have babies with that dude. 1.00

01:46:21.000 Totally.

01:46:22.000 Yeah, you're on vacation.

01:46:24.000 You meet this guy.

01:46:25.000 He's dangerous.

01:46:26.000 He's got perfect hair.

01:46:28.000 Beautiful features.

01:46:29.000 He's supple.

01:46:30.000 He knows how to move.

01:46:31.000 He smokes cigarettes.

01:46:32.000 He looks cool.

01:46:34.000 Cigarettes got him.

01:46:35.000 Dude, Patrick Swayze's not that old.

01:46:38.000 Do you understand? 0.99

01:46:39.000 Like, this fucking guy died from cigarettes, and he's not that old. 1.00

01:46:45.000 There's a lot of people that are way older than him that are doing great. 1.00

01:46:50.000 And there's women that have been smoking two packs of cigarettes every day since their whole life, and they're 102. Right, right, but they look like monsters. 1.00

01:46:59.000 They become monsters.

01:47:01.000 Their body morphs and changes to accept the cigarettes. 1.00

01:47:06.000 When you're like 100 and you're still smoking, you're like some fucking cigarette burning beast. 0.99

01:47:14.000 Some thing that's inhaling this chemical that's a new part of your system. 0.99

01:47:19.000 I've been smoking for about 26 years and I look like a fresh little baby.

01:47:22.000 You're a part of the system now.

01:47:24.000 You're in the matrix.

01:47:27.000 Everybody, NBC. Everybody.

01:47:29.000 How many do you do every day?

01:47:32.000 Like a pack.

01:47:33.000 A whole pack a day?

01:47:36.000 But you know, sometimes it's more, sometimes it's less.

01:47:40.000 I think that's another thing that I might do on my podcast.

01:47:42.000 Jesus.

01:47:43.000 That's one of my other issues.

01:47:44.000 Look at that.

01:47:44.000 That was him in the bitter end.

01:47:46.000 He was still smoking.

01:47:47.000 His body was rotting away and he had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

01:47:51.000 Doesn't seem like a good idea to continue to smoke when you have cancer.

01:47:55.000 Jesus.

01:47:55.000 Look at that.

01:47:56.000 Look at him.

01:47:58.000 Wow.

01:47:59.000 That's craziness.

01:48:00.000 But it's weird because he was still getting treatment.

01:48:03.000 It's weird, man.

01:48:04.000 I wonder if he laid off of it for a while.

01:48:07.000 Man, it's sad.

01:48:09.000 And he did a television show because he was hot.

01:48:12.000 He was hot while this was all happening.

01:48:14.000 So he did a TV show, and I'm sure that didn't help him, man.

01:48:17.000 The long hours and the stress of the TV show.

01:48:20.000 I forgot about that TV show.

01:48:21.000 What was it?

01:48:21.000 I don't remember.

01:48:23.000 But he went out the hard way. 1.00

01:48:29.000 Shit's real. 1.00

01:48:30.000 Oh, that's what it was. 0.99

01:48:30.000 It was called The Beast. 0.99

01:48:32.000 Mm, 2009. Wow.

01:48:34.000 Patrick Swayze. 0.99

01:48:36.000 Damn, that's weird. 0.99

01:48:38.000 Roadhouse. 1.00

01:48:38.000 Rest in peace. 1.00

01:48:39.000 He's the motherfucker, dude. 1.00

01:48:40.000 Roadhouse is the shit. 1.00

01:48:42.000 To this day, right? 1.00

01:48:44.000 To this day, if you're flipping channels and Roadhouse is on, just watch it.

01:48:48.000 Just watch it.

01:48:49.000 It's on.

01:48:50.000 It's perfect.

01:48:51.000 It's a pretty classic movie.

01:48:52.000 It's a slice of Americana.

01:48:55.000 It's like a piece of civilization just strapped into some cultural, iconic, ridiculine movie.

01:49:05.000 They just remade another movie that was a good one of his called Point Break, which I heard...

01:49:09.000 I didn't see it, but I heard it wasn't great.

01:49:11.000 The premise wasn't even the same movie, though, but are you worried about Roadhouse coming back out and being a totally different kind of thing?

01:49:17.000 Isn't it Rhonda?

01:49:17.000 Rhonda's gonna do Roadhouse.

01:49:19.000 It's gonna be different. 1.00

01:49:19.000 She has a vagina. 1.00

01:49:20.000 It's totally different. 0.99

01:49:21.000 Did you see her on Saturday Night Live?

01:49:23.000 No, I didn't.

01:49:24.000 Her hair was good, though.

01:49:26.000 Did you hear it was good?

01:49:27.000 You know, certain people really invest in making it their own, I think.

01:49:33.000 And then there's other people that kind of just go through the motions.

01:49:36.000 From what I saw, it just seemed like the latter.

01:49:38.000 It just seemed...

01:49:40.000 I don't know.

01:49:41.000 She seemed like she did a great job, but she didn't like... 1.00

01:49:43.000 She's not a public speaker. 0.99

01:49:45.000 Probably hard as fuck to do for someone that isn't a public speaker. 0.99

01:49:48.000 Can you imagine? 0.99

01:49:50.000 You know?

01:49:51.000 Yeah, I mean...

01:49:53.000 I wonder.

01:49:54.000 Definitely.

01:49:55.000 Especially if you're not used to it, but...

01:49:56.000 Yeah, it's an iconic thing to do, man. 0.98

01:49:58.000 I'd be nervous as fuck. 0.99

01:50:00.000 Out of all years I've done stand-up, if I had to host Saturday Night Live, I'd be nervous as fuck. 0.99

01:50:04.000 Really? 0.91

01:50:04.000 Would you try? 0.91

01:50:05.000 No.

01:50:05.000 If you ever asked, we wouldn't do it?

01:50:06.000 I'm not interested in working.

01:50:09.000 Yeah, that'd be just interesting, though.

01:50:10.000 I've done...

01:50:11.000 I think I've done too much work.

01:50:13.000 I really do.

01:50:14.000 I'm interested in enjoying myself.

01:50:15.000 I just think at this stage of my life, what I'm becoming more and more cognizant of as I get older is you can work too much.

01:50:23.000 It's not good.

01:50:25.000 It's not good to work too much.

01:50:26.000 There's a good amount of work you should do, but there's a lot of people that pride themselves in working too much and wearing themselves out.

01:50:33.000 It's something they carry around like a shield.

01:50:37.000 If you don't have to do it, I understand if you have to do it, but if you don't have to do it, you should probably have some fun.

01:50:45.000 Don't get overwhelmed with the desire to succeed. 0.99

01:50:50.000 Your whole life could pass you by if you're one of those Gordon Gekko assholes. 1.00

01:50:54.000 Your whole life could pass you by if you're some crazy hedge fund sociopath on the loose just sucking numbers out of the matrix with his fucking computer algorithms. 1.00

01:51:02.000 Like, that guy is just connected to it. 1.00

01:51:05.000 He's a part of it.

01:51:06.000 So he's successful.

01:51:08.000 But along the way, he's not even having any fun. 1.00

01:51:10.000 You know, he's just living life in this constantly stressed, Adderall-induced, like, speedy, fucking decision-making, ass-kicking, fucking mode all the time, you know? 0.99

01:51:26.000 That guy ain't happy. 0.99

01:51:28.000 That's, um...

01:51:31.000 It's a weird way to live life.

01:51:34.000 Isn't it funny that somebody asked me the other day if I can find them Adderall.

01:51:38.000 I was like, no, I don't know anyone, but if you need cocaine, I can get that.

01:51:43.000 Like, how weird is it that backwards? 1.00

01:51:47.000 You've ever been whitewater rafting?

01:51:49.000 No.

01:51:50.000 That's something you should try sometime.

01:51:51.000 That's crazy.

01:51:52.000 I've gone canoeing down the whitewaters.

01:51:55.000 Not whitewaters. 0.97

01:51:56.000 I shouldn't even say whitewaters.

01:51:57.000 Down a river.

01:51:58.000 There's some tricky spots like some spots near rocks and stuff like that, but nothing like real fast. 0.95

01:52:03.000 The white water stuff looks fucking dangerous.

01:52:06.000 Yeah, my dad almost died doing it once because he got caught underneath the raft and he said he couldn't breathe and he just gave up and then at the last second we was floating down somebody just grabbed him out of the water.

01:52:17.000 My friend Remy Warren, who's done the podcast a few times, not the last time that he was on, but the time before that, I think the first time he was on, he told me a story about he was in the woods and he saw a body come down the river.

01:52:35.000 The guy was face down in the water.

01:52:37.000 He saw some clothes.

01:52:39.000 And then he saw some gear floating down.

01:52:43.000 And then he saw a body. 1.00

01:52:45.000 And he realized, oh, shit. 1.00

01:52:47.000 And then he saw a woman. 1.00

01:52:49.000 And the woman was bobbing her head up in the air and trying to survive and getting caught up in the current. 1.00

01:52:54.000 And he ran into that fucking water, thinking that he was going to die. 0.99

01:52:59.000 Thinking, like, I just made the biggest mistake. 1.00

01:53:01.000 I'm going to try to help this lady. 0.91

01:53:02.000 I'm going to wind up dying.

01:53:04.000 He's a strong guy, and he's in really good shape.

01:53:07.000 He hikes a lot in the mountains.

01:53:09.000 He's very fit.

01:53:10.000 For his television show, it's called Apex Predator.

01:53:18.000 He did these VO2 max tests where they made him do sprints.

01:53:22.000 They found out he's got a very high level of endurance just because he's constantly hiking in the mountains, but still.

01:53:28.000 You jump into the water and you grab ahold of somebody, they can drown you.

01:53:32.000 They could flail and you might not recover and while you're flailing around you might hit a log.

01:53:37.000 You're going down this water, it's going really fast and what happened to these people was they were doing that in a raft and the current got really fast and they hit a downed tree. 0.98

01:53:47.000 And they got fucked up. 0.98

01:53:48.000 And the dude drowned. 1.00

01:53:49.000 And he died.

01:53:50.000 And the woman survived, but barely.

01:53:53.000 And she was freezing to death.

01:53:54.000 The water was insanely cold.

01:53:56.000 So this dude jumped in the water and pulled him out.

01:53:59.000 Find out what number podcast it is so we can tell people that are listening to this right now.

01:54:03.000 But it's Remy Warren.

01:54:04.000 I'm pretty sure it was the first time he was on.

01:54:07.000 That famous country singer just died.

01:54:10.000 Kind of the same kind of situation.

01:54:12.000 439 with Dan Doty.

01:54:14.000 Episode 439 with Dan Doty.

01:54:17.000 That's the one?

01:54:18.000 Yeah, we also have it re-uploaded.

01:54:20.000 How many times did he come on by himself?

01:54:21.000 Oh, the story's uploaded?

01:54:23.000 The story's up by itself.

01:54:24.000 Oh, beautiful, beautiful.

01:54:25.000 Episode 439. He's awesome.

01:54:27.000 That guy's a good dude.

01:54:29.000 What was the question about this country singer?

01:54:31.000 Oh, the country singer.

01:54:33.000 They found his body and it seemed kind of like a similar thing.

01:54:36.000 Yeah, he died of hypothermia.

01:54:39.000 They were in a boat, apparently, and it just overturned.

01:54:44.000 And it was in the water and the storm was insane.

01:54:47.000 They tried to risk it.

01:54:49.000 They tried to go out there and he even made a tweet about it the night before.

01:54:53.000 Saying he hopes he doesn't die. 1.00

01:54:56.000 Like, man, the storms are no fucking bullshit, man. 1.00

01:55:01.000 They're no bullshit. 0.99

01:55:02.000 Like, there's a video that I posted today that I retweeted that someone sent my way about lightning striking. 0.91

01:55:09.000 Oh, it was a Matt Staggs one.

01:55:11.000 Matt Staggs sent it to me.

01:55:13.000 Lightning striking in the middle of this, like, there's a storm going on.

01:55:18.000 These guys are out on the patio, and they're like, wow, this is crazy.

01:55:21.000 And the guy's like, I wouldn't go out there, not with this weather.

01:55:24.000 And then, boom, the lightning hits the ground right in front of them. 1.00

01:55:27.000 Play this shit. 1.00

01:55:28.000 Wait till you see this. 1.00

01:55:33.000 No.

01:55:35.000 Dude, don't go outside.

01:55:40.000 No, I'm not.

01:55:41.000 Oh, Jesus. 1.00

01:55:43.000 Holy shit! 1.00

01:55:44.000 Oh my god! 1.00

01:55:46.000 Dude. 1.00

01:55:47.000 Shit myself. 1.00

01:55:48.000 First of all, fuck lightning. 1.00

01:55:51.000 Fuck lightning. 1.00

01:55:53.000 Lightning is an asshole force of nature. 1.00

01:55:56.000 That is a shitty, dirty, cheap-shotting motherfucker. 1.00

01:56:00.000 Lightning is crazy. 1.00

01:56:02.000 There's no rules, either.

01:56:04.000 Remy Warren got hit by lightning, too.

01:56:06.000 How about that?

01:56:06.000 I got two Remy Warren stories.

01:56:08.000 Remy Warren, when he was a kid in high school, got hit by lightning. 0.97

01:56:11.000 Woke up with his fucking ears going, He told that story on the podcast as well. 0.99

01:56:17.000 I think that was the same story. 1.00

01:56:18.000 Goddamn, Remy Warren's amazing. 0.98

01:56:20.000 That's what it all boils down to. 0.98

01:56:22.000 Remy Warren is amazing.

01:56:23.000 Lightning hit right in front of me once.

01:56:25.000 I was in the basement.

01:56:26.000 That's not the same as getting hit by me.

01:56:27.000 I know. 1.00

01:56:28.000 He got hit and he was fucked up. 0.97

01:56:29.000 I was in the basement and they have those windows in the basement, like they have window wells and stuff like that. 0.96

01:56:34.000 And I was doing my laundry or something and lightning hit right in front of me outside though.

01:56:40.000 And then like the arms of the electricity like went all over like everything.

01:56:44.000 And it scared the shit out of me.

01:56:45.000 Maybe it was actually an evil villain teleporting from the future. 0.96

01:56:49.000 Terminator style.

01:56:50.000 Maybe you thought it was lightning.

01:56:51.000 Right?

01:56:52.000 Remember that scene when Arnold is naked and his giant Austrian schlongs hanging out? 1.00

01:56:57.000 Give me your clothes.

01:56:59.000 Remember that? 1.00

01:57:00.000 That movie was the shit. 1.00

01:57:03.000 Meanwhile, that's about to happen. 1.00

01:57:05.000 Automated cars. 1.00

01:57:07.000 Fucking drones. 1.00

01:57:09.000 Look at this. 1.00

01:57:14.000 That's what it was.

01:57:14.000 It just appears in that bubble that cut right through everything that was around it.

01:57:18.000 Remember?

01:57:19.000 Yeah.

01:57:19.000 Like a little circle.

01:57:21.000 It popped up. 1.00

01:57:22.000 That red big old dick. 1.00

01:57:24.000 It's supposed to be like burnt metal. 1.00

01:57:26.000 Why couldn't they give him some clothes? 1.00

01:57:27.000 Why do you got to pretend that you can't teleport clothes, you fucks? 0.99

01:57:31.000 You know, why does he got to be naked? 1.00

01:57:33.000 You know, get out of here. 0.53

01:57:35.000 What?

01:57:36.000 Fuck out of here with that. 1.00

01:57:40.000 That's probably what it's gonna be though, right? 1.00

01:57:42.000 It is probably gonna be once they figure out teleporting.

01:57:44.000 You have to be by yourself.

01:57:47.000 The first day someone gets scrambled because there's a glitch in the matrix when they're teleporting someone and they come out a bucket of feet and eyeballs and dicks in their mouth and they're twisted like a pretzel.

01:57:59.000 The first time that happens, whoa.

01:58:01.000 That's gonna be a tough day.

01:58:04.000 But we accept a certain amount of car accidents, you know?

01:58:08.000 We accept thousands and thousands of car accidents every year.

01:58:11.000 We just think about how many people die.

01:58:13.000 If we were thinking, like, our real enemy is the automobile.

01:58:17.000 Automobiles are killing people with, you know, people driving them.

01:58:20.000 But the automobiles hitting into people, people hitting things in their automobiles, that's what's killing people.

01:58:25.000 If you really looked at it that way, the numbers are pretty high.

01:58:28.000 I think it's like 30,000 people or something crazy die in automobile accidents every year.

01:58:32.000 Yeah. 0.95

01:58:32.000 If that was an enemy, you know, a robot enemy that came from space, was killing 30,000 people a day, we wouldn't be so fucking nonchalant about it, you know? 0.95

01:58:42.000 But because we're driving around, oh, the fly.

01:58:44.000 Is he doing teleportation, that what he was working on back then?

01:58:47.000 Yes.

01:58:47.000 Well, this was actually a remake of a really old movie from the black and white days.

01:58:54.000 It was awesome.

01:58:56.000 It was really awesome.

01:58:57.000 Find the old Fly.

01:58:59.000 I need to re-watch that.

01:59:00.000 But the Fly, the 19...

01:59:01.000 Was it 86?

01:59:02.000 Yeah.

01:59:03.000 88?

01:59:04.000 Yeah.

01:59:04.000 86 for that first one, but here's the other one.

01:59:06.000 Oh, okay. 0.95

01:59:07.000 So for the Jeff Goldblum one, it's fucking awesome. 0.97

01:59:11.000 It's really good. 0.98

01:59:12.000 I loved it. 0.99

01:59:13.000 Jeff Goldblum was such a bad motherfucker when he was young, man. 1.00

01:59:17.000 Especially in that movie. 1.00

01:59:18.000 Like, I really believed...

01:59:20.000 That's the original one.

01:59:21.000 Is that Vincent Price?

01:59:22.000 Mm-hmm.

01:59:23.000 That's amazing.

01:59:24.000 Look at that!

01:59:25.000 That's crazy! 1.00

01:59:27.000 Look at that fucking picture! 1.00

01:59:29.000 Oh my god, Vincent Price. 1.00

01:59:31.000 He was the man when it came to old school monster movies.

01:59:35.000 But like, Jeff Goldblum in that Fly movie, you believe that he was really a mad scientist.

01:59:40.000 Like, I believe, like, this guy, the way he talks, he's just so different and interesting.

01:59:45.000 He had a way of talking about him, like, this guy could be some hyperhuman who could figure something like this out.

01:59:50.000 I totally bought it hook, line, and sinker. 1.00

01:59:53.000 Like, there's some people that play scientists, and I'm like, bitch, you ain't fucking smart. 1.00

01:59:58.000 Come on, son. 1.00

02:00:00.000 Did you ever see the movie Sunset Boulevard?

02:00:02.000 Look at that.

02:00:03.000 Where's his dong?

02:00:04.000 Yeah.

02:00:05.000 Way different.

02:00:06.000 I bet he's got a giant dong.

02:00:08.000 Look at his confidence.

02:00:09.000 Look at his face.

02:00:10.000 Large hands. 0.99

02:00:10.000 Bet it's a hog. 0.99

02:00:12.000 Yeah, he's got a huge dick, you can tell. 1.00

02:00:14.000 It's crazy to fly. 1.00

02:00:15.000 Let a fly in there. 1.00

02:00:17.000 Did you ever see Sunset Boulevard?

02:00:19.000 No, what was that?

02:00:20.000 That's a great movie.

02:00:21.000 I highly recommend.

02:00:21.000 I watch it.

02:00:22.000 That's my go-to.

02:00:23.000 I put it on every night before I go to bed.

02:00:25.000 That's not the mockumentary or a dramamentary or whatever they call it.

02:00:31.000 It's a movie.

02:00:32.000 Yeah, this is an old school classic movie.

02:00:34.000 Oh, old school.

02:00:35.000 Wasn't there a recent movie about Sunset?

02:00:37.000 Yeah, that was a documentary about Sunset Boulevard.

02:00:40.000 It was a documentary?

02:00:41.000 It was a documentary.

02:00:42.000 So there was no acting in it at all?

02:00:44.000 Okay, I got confused.

02:00:46.000 There's more than one that was out at the same time?

02:00:48.000 One was a film?

02:00:52.000 No, I think it's the same one.

02:00:54.000 I think it's...

02:00:54.000 I keep hearing I have to check that out, though.

02:00:57.000 The documentary.

02:00:58.000 Yeah.

02:00:58.000 Yeah, it's good.

02:00:59.000 It's interesting.

02:01:00.000 You really learn about the Sunset Boulevard.

02:01:02.000 You know, I was on Frazier's radio show the other day.

02:01:05.000 Frazier Smith?

02:01:06.000 Yeah.

02:01:07.000 I love Frazier Smith.

02:01:08.000 He's a great guy.

02:01:10.000 There's not much left on Sunset.

02:01:13.000 Besides the rainbow and the comedy story, there's not much...

02:01:18.000 That's it.

02:01:19.000 Everything's getting torn down and become condos now.

02:01:22.000 It's almost dead. 0.99

02:01:25.000 Dita Von Teese, rat. 0.95

02:01:27.000 I just went to the Whiskey at Go-Go for the first time on Friday. 0.96

02:01:29.000 Oh, really?

02:01:30.000 I was surprisingly small.

02:01:32.000 It would have been awesome to see Motley Crue and Jimi Hendrix or anyone in the doors back in the day, but I saw a band for the first time when I was a teenager in high school, Orgy.

02:01:42.000 I saw they were on the billboard so I went and saw them and I probably should have just stayed home.

02:01:46.000 How dare you?

02:01:47.000 That's where Lemmy's birthday party was right before he died.

02:01:50.000 Yeah, the Roxy and the place next to it, the rainbow, those are icons, man.

02:01:57.000 That rainbow is an icon.

02:01:59.000 The Rainbow feels like it was made by the same person as the Comedy Store.

02:02:03.000 You go in there and you go like, I feel like the same here.

02:02:06.000 It's a legit old school Hollywood place.

02:02:09.000 You ever eat at Dan Tana's?

02:02:11.000 Dan Tana's on Santa Monica.

02:02:13.000 Dude.

02:02:14.000 It's like you go into the past.

02:02:16.000 Like the menus, the way the waiters are dressed, the food's amazing.

02:02:18.000 It's really small, right?

02:02:19.000 Yep.

02:02:19.000 Well, it's not really small, but it's not giant.

02:02:22.000 One side's more of a bar, but there's tables on that side, but the food is amazing.

02:02:26.000 The food is incredible, and it's like so old school, man.

02:02:30.000 The whole place is just, it feels it when you get in there. 1.00

02:02:32.000 You feel like you got class, like you want to order a martini just to be an asshole. 1.00

02:02:36.000 Like, come on, gentlemen. 1.00

02:02:39.000 It's right next to the Troubadour on Sunset.

02:02:42.000 That's the coolest place I've ever seen a concert in my life.

02:02:45.000 I've never been to Red Rocks, which I've heard is also cool.

02:02:47.000 That's a big place to see in Denver, but as far as a small venue where you can see a real awesome concert with maybe 200 people and real big names play there frequently.

02:02:57.000 Just for fun?

02:02:58.000 That's where they work out?

02:02:59.000 That's awesome, man. 1.00

02:03:01.000 Goddamn. 0.98

02:03:02.000 Yeah, it's a crazy spot, that Sunset Strip. 0.99

02:03:05.000 Yeah, but it's on the way out.

02:03:07.000 Well, it's becoming something different, for sure.

02:03:09.000 Like that giant billboard that's right in front of the store.

02:03:13.000 It's movies. 0.99

02:03:14.000 Whose idea is it to take a fucking road that already has plenty of accidents and put up A giant, fucking, multi-colored, super bright billboard that you almost need sunglasses to look at, and it's playing videos. 0.99

02:03:27.000 So you're watching videos as you're driving. 0.99

02:03:29.000 Well, what is this?

02:03:30.000 Well, what's he doing?

02:03:31.000 Well, that's wacky.

02:03:32.000 He just do a flip, crash!

02:03:34.000 Yeah, it should be so illegal.

02:03:35.000 People, you're not even allowed to text.

02:03:37.000 If you're not allowed to text, why are you allowed to read? 0.99

02:03:40.000 Why do you have a gigantic 100-foot fucking TV screen? 1.00

02:03:43.000 That's not a billboard, asshole. 1.00

02:03:44.000 If you want to have a billboard, have a billboard. 1.00

02:03:46.000 That's a movie theater.

02:03:48.000 You get a movie screen up there. 1.00

02:03:50.000 The fuck? 1.00

02:03:51.000 It should be so illegal. 1.00

02:03:52.000 Well, they let it be legal.

02:03:54.000 It's there. 1.00

02:03:54.000 So as we're driving, we're watching shit. 1.00

02:03:58.000 What do they do? 0.99

02:03:59.000 Is it still images that keep changing?

02:04:01.000 No, it's moving images.

02:04:02.000 You'll see Chris D'Elia, like, Undateable!

02:04:04.000 This Thursday!

02:04:05.000 And they're moving around, throwing things and stuff.

02:04:07.000 It's completely just commercials.

02:04:09.000 For sure?

02:04:09.000 Yeah, for sure.

02:04:10.000 I see it every day.

02:04:13.000 Even if it's still, when still images are moving or changing them every couple seconds or so, you're like, what are you doing?

02:04:19.000 Why are you distracting people?

02:04:20.000 I think they've made it illegal in a lot of cases.

02:04:23.000 It should totally be illegal.

02:04:25.000 I think that for some reason has like a get out of free jail card or something.

02:04:29.000 Get out of free jail?

02:04:31.000 Whatever.

02:04:32.000 Well, it's kind of like Times Square.

02:04:34.000 Times Square's got that path, too.

02:04:35.000 It's almost like part of the charm of the place that you go there.

02:04:39.000 You're just going to be, wow, look at all the lights.

02:04:41.000 This is crazy.

02:04:42.000 But the idea of Times Square is you're getting out of a cab or you're climbing off the subway and you're looking around. 0.99

02:04:47.000 You're not driving in that fucking thing. 0.99

02:04:49.000 How many people go visit New York and drive in Times Square? 1.00

02:04:52.000 I go, Jesus Christ.

02:04:54.000 That's a giant ball of neon.

02:04:57.000 It's chaos.

02:04:58.000 Like Vegas is the same way.

02:05:00.000 You ever see some of those casinos? 1.00

02:05:01.000 They have goddamn huge movie screens playing on the outside of their casino, showing you people singing, fucking rocking out, carrot topping, pow! 1.00

02:05:11.000 All this shit's going on as you're driving down the street. 1.00

02:05:14.000 And you're on coke. 1.00

02:05:16.000 And you're trying to drive slow.

02:05:19.000 Trying to keep it together. 1.00

02:05:21.000 What's this fucking movie? 1.00

02:05:23.000 Why are they showing me this? 1.00

02:05:24.000 Cirque du Soleil? 0.98

02:05:26.000 That's something that's pretty fucking specific. 0.98

02:05:29.000 Think about that show. 0.96

02:05:31.000 If you go to Cirque du Soleil, you need to see almost superhuman feats of physical fitness.

02:05:38.000 They had one of those Cirque du Soleil dudes.

02:05:40.000 This is like a perfect contrast to what we were doing.

02:05:44.000 We were eating over at, I guess it's like Wolfgang Pucks is right over by the Cirque du Soleil place.

02:05:50.000 We were eating and this dude was coming from the Cirque du Soleil like he had been working there.

02:05:57.000 And in the middle of the hallway while we were stuffing our face with food, this dude just starts doing backflips. 0.78

02:06:02.000 He did like one, two, three, four, five backflifts and landed and laughed and laughed with his friend and fucking buttoned up his shirt and got out of there.

02:06:11.000 But this dude just flipped through the air and then started going, feet to hands, feet to hands, feet to hands, jump!

02:06:18.000 And we were like, whoa.

02:06:20.000 We got a mouthful of linguine with clams. 0.99

02:06:24.000 Trying to put a fucking damper on this buzz before I go to sleep. 0.99

02:06:27.000 You know? 0.99

02:06:28.000 This dude is flipping, doing flips down the hallway.

02:06:33.000 Yeah, what is that?

02:06:34.000 Parkour?

02:06:35.000 Yeah.

02:06:35.000 Those guys, I saw a video the other day, this guy's just like on top of this building and just jumps down through this thing, like, jumps in through a window.

02:06:45.000 It's amazing what those guys do.

02:06:47.000 That's craziness.

02:06:48.000 I'm becoming a grumpy old man because this lady was like her son broke his arm doing parkour. 1.00

02:06:59.000 And I'm going, oh, is that what they're calling it these days? 1.00

02:07:03.000 Because when I was a kid, that was called being an asshole. 1.00

02:07:06.000 That's what I wanted to say. 0.99

02:07:07.000 I didn't say that.

02:07:08.000 I went, wow, is he okay?

02:07:09.000 That's what I said.

02:07:10.000 I said, wow, is he okay?

02:07:12.000 But, like, why is it...

02:07:13.000 How come it has to have a French name?

02:07:15.000 How come it has to be international? 1.00

02:07:17.000 What you're doing is, you're a crazy fucker, you're running and doing flips off of railings and shit. 1.00

02:07:22.000 Alright, be careful. 1.00

02:07:23.000 This kid I know that, for his birthday, he does that.

02:07:26.000 That's what kids do nowadays.

02:07:27.000 They run out...

02:07:28.000 Rooms that just sort of look like...

02:07:30.000 Well, dude, I passed by this place, and right next to the place I was going, there was a parkour studio.

02:07:36.000 I was like, what is this?

02:07:38.000 They're teaching people how to do this?

02:07:39.000 And apparently they're all over the place now.

02:07:41.000 They're super popular, and they have ones that look like Super Mario Brothers.

02:07:46.000 Oh my god.

02:07:49.000 Yeah, this one.

02:07:50.000 Oh my god. 0.99

02:07:51.000 This one's in Los Angeles and it's just like grown adults fucking jumping around. 0.99

02:07:56.000 These are kids, man. 0.99

02:07:59.000 No, cats are kids.

02:08:01.000 This little boy.

02:08:02.000 This little child is doing flips.

02:08:04.000 Wow, these kids are freaks.

02:08:06.000 Wow, that's pretty impressive though.

02:08:08.000 Who's going to pay for their ACL surgeries? 1.00

02:08:11.000 Exactly. 1.00

02:08:12.000 Damn, that is really impressive shit, though. 1.00

02:08:15.000 That kid just doing that flip off the building. 1.00

02:08:17.000 You know, that is really impressive stuff.

02:08:20.000 Come on, man.

02:08:21.000 And they're just doing it to look cool.

02:08:25.000 I guess, right?

02:08:26.000 Are there competitions?

02:08:27.000 I mean a little bit.

02:08:28.000 Look at this!

02:08:29.000 American Ninja Warriors really picked up and that's kind of what these, that's the main competition I think these guys can go do.

02:08:33.000 What that guy just did was exactly what that dude did in front.

02:08:37.000 Back it up like a little bit.

02:08:41.000 Like to the dude that's doing, no, before that.

02:08:43.000 The dude that was doing the flips.

02:08:45.000 Right there.

02:08:46.000 Look at this.

02:08:46.000 That's what the guy was doing in the hotel.

02:08:49.000 Like, no bullshit. 0.99

02:08:50.000 Hand, feet to hand, feet to hand. 0.73

02:08:51.000 Have you ever even tried to do that, like on a diving board or water?

02:08:56.000 Yeah, I've done it on diving boards.

02:08:57.000 No consequences.

02:08:59.000 Yeah, you gotta be careful. 0.98

02:09:02.000 I've hurt my back and neck before, too, so I'm very wary about things that might potentially be horrible for my fucking spine. 0.98

02:09:10.000 Whoa! 1.00

02:09:11.000 These people are crazy! 0.99

02:09:14.000 It seems so strange. 0.98

02:09:16.000 To watch people move their bodies in ways you know you can't move yours.

02:09:20.000 Like, how?

02:09:21.000 What?

02:09:22.000 Mind off.

02:09:22.000 Like, if you saw yourself doing that, you'd be like, how can I do this?

02:09:26.000 What, do I have superhero powers now?

02:09:28.000 I find it more interesting watching people doing this kind of stuff in real life situations, like around the streets, because it's like they're ninjas. 0.98

02:09:37.000 They can break into buildings just by doing this parkour shit. 0.98

02:09:41.000 I know, right? 0.99

02:09:42.000 Like, double jump.

02:09:43.000 I know, it's weird.

02:09:44.000 Do a barrel roll.

02:09:46.000 It's weird.

02:09:47.000 They can do things with their bodies that regular people just can't.

02:09:49.000 You just keep practicing.

02:09:51.000 But these are all like cement things they're jumping around on, are they?

02:09:54.000 What are these things made out of?

02:09:56.000 I don't know.

02:09:56.000 It's probably drywall.

02:09:57.000 Drywall, yeah.

02:09:58.000 But wouldn't it just cave in?

02:10:00.000 I don't know.

02:10:00.000 They're running around on drywall like that?

02:10:02.000 That shit has to be super flimsy. 0.99

02:10:05.000 It would have to be more than drywall. 1.00

02:10:07.000 That's wood.

02:10:07.000 It's probably like what they make skate ramps and stuff out of.

02:10:09.000 Yeah.

02:10:10.000 This is crazy.

02:10:11.000 It just keeps going.

02:10:12.000 Is that a girl or a guy with a long-ass ponytail?

02:10:15.000 Is it a girl?

02:10:15.000 Yeah.

02:10:16.000 Whoa. 1.00

02:10:16.000 She's doing flips and shit. 1.00

02:10:18.000 What if the future of UFC and shit is a room like this and both fighters just start on each side of their room and they're allowed to jump around and do ninja moves? 0.98

02:10:29.000 Dude, that's actually a great idea. 0.92

02:10:31.000 Like a quake room.

02:10:32.000 Yeah, like a quake room.

02:10:33.000 Entering into a quake room.

02:10:34.000 Yeah.

02:10:34.000 Wow.

02:10:36.000 Imagine if that would be the more sophisticated, high-level version of MMA, when we do it virtual reality style, that two guys start out in a building, and they don't know where the other person is in the building.

02:10:50.000 And so you have to be real sneaky and walk around, and you're allowed to hit the person if they don't see you.

02:10:56.000 Exactly.

02:10:57.000 It's more realistic.

02:10:59.000 In a house? 0.99

02:11:01.000 Look back at boxing and you're like, look how dumb that is. 0.97

02:11:03.000 They can't jump on the ground and they can't do it. 0.99

02:11:05.000 Now, imagine doing this and be like, look how dumb that is. 0.91

02:11:08.000 We're in like an octagon? 1.00

02:11:09.000 What the fuck? 1.00

02:11:10.000 No, how about a building and this guy's trying to rape you and you're using shadows on walls and like... 1.00

02:11:17.000 I wonder if people would give up weight classes if they were willing to use weapons. 0.94

02:11:23.000 Like, okay, look, I'll take a 50-pound weight disadvantage, but I want brass knuckles.

02:11:29.000 You know?

02:11:32.000 I'm remembering this TV show.

02:11:33.000 I really cannot remember the name of it, but...

02:11:36.000 Double Dare?

02:11:37.000 It's almost like that.

02:11:37.000 No, it was like a real-life...

02:11:39.000 Roadrunner?

02:11:39.000 It was fake, but it was like real-life Mortal Kombat.

02:11:41.000 Killigan's Island?

02:11:42.000 And they shot around Universal Studios, and they'd go to different sets, and they'd be in a central area, and be like, this team versus this team, and the first fight's going to be here, and they'd go off to the lake, and they'd go fight at the lake, and then they'd come back...

02:11:53.000 Oh, yeah!

02:11:53.000 What the hell was that?

02:11:55.000 I'm trying to look for it.

02:11:55.000 I have no idea what it was.

02:11:56.000 Oh, my...

02:11:57.000 I totally forgot about that.

02:11:58.000 It's almost like what you're saying, but, I mean, it was the wrestling WWE version of it.

02:12:02.000 Wow.

02:12:04.000 That's right.

02:12:05.000 See?

02:12:06.000 There you go. 0.78

02:12:06.000 I'm a thief. 0.78

02:12:07.000 That's how easy it is to be a thief. 1.00

02:12:09.000 That shit... 1.00

02:12:10.000 We were talking about something that's completely out of the ether. 1.00

02:12:15.000 Yeah, but I like the idea of...

02:12:17.000 What if it was like the real world, there's a camera in every room, and one person started in the attic, one person started in the basement, and you're trying to beat up the other person.

02:12:28.000 But I think there's got to be an element of virtual reality.

02:12:32.000 To watch it, because we can't be there, right?

02:12:34.000 But to watch it and get the best angles, you should be able to watch the perspective of both people.

02:12:40.000 The perspective of the guy doing the beating up and the perspective of the guy getting beat up, the perspective of the guy that doesn't know the guys behind him, and the perspective of the guy who knows that the guy doesn't know and is sneaking up on him, ready to jack him.

02:12:52.000 That would be wild, man.

02:12:54.000 It would be wild.

02:12:56.000 To see something like that.

02:12:57.000 Like UFC mixed with like a horror movie.

02:12:59.000 Imagine if you could see the punches coming your way and see yourself getting knocked unconscious.

02:13:04.000 Like, boom!

02:13:05.000 Like, how's he seeing it?

02:13:06.000 Like, you see it.

02:13:07.000 You see the sparks that he sees in front of his eyes. 1.00

02:13:09.000 And your fucking consciousness dims in and out, just like he does. 1.00

02:13:12.000 It might be a way that they could almost experience getting fucked up and beat up to know how bad it is. 1.00

02:13:22.000 Would have a reboot? 0.99

02:13:22.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:13:23.000 How dare.

02:13:24.000 Ladies and gentlemen, do not panic.

02:13:26.000 If you're just listening to the audio version of this podcast only, you know what happened. 1.00

02:13:30.000 What happened is this goddamn TriCaster shit out again. 1.00

02:13:35.000 Is that like a normal thing with the TriCaster? 1.00

02:13:37.000 It's happened a couple times, but it hasn't happened for a long time.

02:13:39.000 It's just...

02:13:40.000 It's happened multiple times over our podcast.

02:13:44.000 Yeah, different versions of it.

02:13:45.000 This was a complete PC freeze.

02:13:47.000 Otherwise, other times it's been just an internet disconnection kind of thing.

02:13:50.000 Do we have to make an upgrade?

02:13:53.000 Is there anything we need to do?

02:13:55.000 I don't know.

02:13:56.000 Should we upgrade our system?

02:13:58.000 That's like the best you can get.

02:14:00.000 You really can't get any better than a TriCaster.

02:14:03.000 Seriously, man.

02:14:04.000 If we can do it at the level that he's been doing it right now with something like that, you don't want it to be more complicated than that.

02:14:09.000 It's perfect.

02:14:10.000 That thing's perfect. 0.91

02:14:12.000 It just fucks up every now and then. 0.99

02:14:13.000 And then it gives us something to bitch about. 1.00

02:14:16.000 Fucking TriCaster. 1.00

02:14:18.000 TriCaster. 1.00

02:14:19.000 I don't know, man. 1.00

02:14:20.000 Those things, they're complicated as fuck. 0.99

02:14:22.000 They're gonna shit out on you every now and then, I think. 0.99

02:14:25.000 We're streaming things in HD. MKBHD, he stopped by here one time. 0.98

02:14:30.000 He makes those cool YouTube videos, sort of like Unbox Therapy.

02:14:33.000 I think he's friends with them.

02:14:35.000 He made a cool video recently talking about 4K and the state of it now.

02:14:39.000 Kind of like where we are.

02:14:41.000 You can watch 4K on a TV like that.

02:14:44.000 You can watch some of it on your phone, but really you can only get it from Netflix and YouTube.

02:14:48.000 It's going to take a long time before...

02:14:50.000 It would take what happened for us to get really good internet here.

02:14:53.000 You have to dig up the ground.

02:14:55.000 Put in some new cables to get the bandwidth to go.

02:14:57.000 Because it's a lot of information you're trying to send.

02:15:00.000 Yeah, but they could just also fix the math of it.

02:15:03.000 The compression could easily be fixed by like a JPEG version for 4K. You know, like something that compresses 4K down into something that, you know.

02:15:11.000 But would it have the same image quality?

02:15:13.000 Yeah, I mean, like look at bitmaps and JPEGs.

02:15:16.000 You can't tell the difference between those two.

02:15:18.000 With the naked eye, you can't, right?

02:15:20.000 But can you tell it if you're looking at it through a lens or anything like that?

02:15:23.000 People that are really...

02:15:24.000 T-Mobile just got in trouble recently because...

02:15:27.000 T-Mobile, what did you do?

02:15:30.000 Because unlimited data or whatever for like...

02:15:32.000 It's not unlimited?

02:15:33.000 No, what they do is they downgrade it to 480p. 0.81

02:15:37.000 So when you're on your phone watching 480p, you're not going to know the fucking difference between 720p and 480p on your phone. 0.95

02:15:45.000 I would know, bro. 0.99

02:15:46.000 I would know.

02:15:47.000 Horizon for life, bro.

02:15:49.000 For most people's phones.

02:15:50.000 Verizon for life, bro. 1.00

02:15:52.000 Fucking Sprint for the win. 1.00

02:15:53.000 Fuck Verizon. 1.00

02:15:55.000 Tang for the win. 1.00

02:15:56.000 AT&T. Yes.

02:15:59.000 Who was it that did it to you?

02:16:00.000 T-Mobile. 1.00

02:16:01.000 Fuck you, man. 1.00

02:16:01.000 No! 1.00

02:16:02.000 T-Mobile was my friends. 0.99

02:16:04.000 Like, 480s bullshit, bro. 0.99

02:16:06.000 Who do you have right now? 0.99

02:16:07.000 This one's Verizon.

02:16:09.000 Verizon?

02:16:10.000 And then the same phones for the studio.

02:16:12.000 Yeah.

02:16:13.000 I like the new Galaxy phones.

02:16:16.000 I think this is the first series of Galaxy phones where they have features that are sort of built in that make you go, whoa.

02:16:24.000 Don't they all have wireless charging now?

02:16:28.000 Uh, yeah.

02:16:29.000 A gang of them do, right? 0.97

02:16:31.000 Yes, but you know what I've noticed with wireless charging is that it charges slow and sometimes you'll put your phone on the little dock thing and it doesn't sit right and then you don't have it charged and so then you're like, what the fuck? 0.81

02:16:46.000 I don't know, it's still there.

02:16:47.000 Right now there's a company, I forget who it is, I think it's Apple that just filed a patent for wireless charging.

02:16:54.000 We're gonna die.

02:16:55.000 Yeah.

02:16:56.000 We're not gonna be able to breathe the air, it's gonna be filled with electrical currents.

02:16:59.000 How is that possible?

02:17:00.000 Well think about a dude, 250 billion gallons of methane are being pumped in the air.

02:17:05.000 Okay, and that's floating.

02:17:06.000 How many pounds of Wi-Fi are we eating right now while we're eating this podcast?

02:17:10.000 Maybe that's what's going on with America.

02:17:12.000 We're so overweight because we're eating Wi-Fi.

02:17:14.000 That's my new theory.

02:17:16.000 We're eating Wi-Fi and 4G LTE. The only thing it's doing is making more autistic people. 1.00

02:17:22.000 We were okay with 3G, up to 3G, and then we fell apart.

02:17:25.000 We're just eating too much.

02:17:27.000 It's weight.

02:17:30.000 And autism.

02:17:32.000 Well, you think it gives people autism?

02:17:33.000 For real?

02:17:34.000 Are you being serious?

02:17:34.000 Yeah.

02:17:36.000 I think there's something to it.

02:17:37.000 Autism is just on the rise.

02:17:39.000 Autism is so hot right now.

02:17:44.000 I think there's a bunch of different causes that they think.

02:17:47.000 I think they think genetics, they think people when they get older and have children, much more likely that the children are going to have autism.

02:17:56.000 They become much more susceptible as the parents get older and older.

02:18:00.000 It's directly proportionate, they think.

02:18:02.000 But there's a lot of questions.

02:18:04.000 But what causes it, and whether or not it's more prevalent today, or whether the diagnosing of it is more prevalent, I believe that's debatable.

02:18:15.000 There's more people today, so obviously there's going to be more cases of it, but are they the same percentage of cases?

02:18:21.000 One of the things that they've always tried to correlate is marijuana with schizophrenia.

02:18:25.000 And the problems that were exposed, I think in the culture high they had this, where they were saying that the instances of schizophrenia have been uniform throughout history, when we've been monitoring it.

02:18:38.000 It's like 1% of the population.

02:18:40.000 1% of the population is schizophrenic.

02:18:42.000 Just because that 1% may or may not have smoked marijuana, it doesn't raise it.

02:18:47.000 When marijuana becomes more popular, when it gets used more, it still stays at 1%.

02:18:51.000 It doesn't seem to vary from 1%.

02:18:53.000 It's just a 1% deviation.

02:18:55.000 It's like the quality control of God is not the best in the world.

02:19:00.000 Yeah, I don't think it's weed.

02:19:01.000 I think it's mushrooms and acid and psychedelics that actually speed up that kind of stuff.

02:19:06.000 I mean, I know so many people that have tripped and never came back.

02:19:11.000 If you have mental health issues, anything is not good for you.

02:19:16.000 Alcohol is certainly not good for you.

02:19:17.000 Mental health issues, you have a hard enough time just remaining stable when you're sober.

02:19:24.000 They're so good in bed.

02:19:26.000 Some of them.

02:19:27.000 Yeah, unfortunately.

02:19:29.000 Unfortunately.

02:19:29.000 Why is that?

02:19:30.000 You know Tony?

02:19:30.000 Tony Zara from Columbus?

02:19:32.000 Remember Tony?

02:19:33.000 Oh yeah.

02:19:33.000 Rancid Turtle.

02:19:34.000 Rancid Turtle had always the best fucking explanation for that. 0.99

02:19:39.000 He made some play of words with psychotic and erotic. 0.99

02:19:43.000 We always talk about it.

02:19:44.000 But it's so true.

02:19:45.000 It's the common theme that everybody always says. 0.97

02:19:48.000 Like, the crazy girls are the best in bed. 1.00

02:19:51.000 True. 0.76

02:19:51.000 And probably girls think crazy guys are the best in bed, which is why dirty dancing was so appealing to young ladies in the 1980s. 0.76

02:19:58.000 Patrick Swayze, smooth, hairless chest, sleek body, moves like a dancer, flies across the room.

02:20:06.000 Is that I Had the Time of My Life?

02:20:08.000 Is that the one?

02:20:08.000 And I had the time of my life.

02:20:13.000 Well, listen, bitch, you're only 18, okay? 1.00

02:20:16.000 There's plenty of years coming. 1.00

02:20:18.000 Don't get so crazy about nostalgia.

02:20:20.000 Oh my god, the good old days when I was 18. What the fuck is wrong with you? 1.00

02:20:24.000 How about you keep running it? 0.99

02:20:25.000 Don't get us kicked off YouTube.

02:20:26.000 What are you trying to do? 1.00

02:20:27.000 Son of a bitch. 1.00

02:20:32.000 Have you ever had a clit that something pops out of it, almost like a cow tongue comes out? 1.00

02:20:39.000 Did you say a clitoris or a clit? 1.00

02:20:41.000 Yeah, but it pops out. 1.00

02:20:42.000 Just so randomly in the middle of talking about dirty dancing. 1.00

02:20:45.000 We were supposed to know what the fuck you just said. 1.00

02:20:48.000 Like a pussy boner, but when it actually comes out, sticks out and goes in. 1.00

02:20:52.000 It's called a dick, Brian. 1.00

02:20:54.000 You're fucking a guy. 1.00

02:20:56.000 Fucking a guy again? 1.00

02:20:57.000 Is it a bodybuilder? 1.00

02:20:58.000 No.

02:20:59.000 No.

02:20:59.000 That does happen with bodybuilders.

02:21:01.000 Really?

02:21:01.000 Yeah, with female bodybuilders if they take steroids.

02:21:04.000 But it was like a pussy. 1.00

02:21:06.000 It was like a boner that was in the pussy that just came out. 1.00

02:21:08.000 I've never seen it before. 1.00

02:21:10.000 It freaked me out. 1.00

02:21:10.000 There's some crazy fucking videos. 1.00

02:21:13.000 Well, you're grabbing it like it's a fucking giraffe's neck. 1.00

02:21:16.000 Look at the hand gestures you're making are not polite. 1.00

02:21:21.000 It was a dainty little penis. 1.00

02:21:23.000 It was a tiny little thing. 1.00

02:21:24.000 Nothing to be offended by.

02:21:26.000 It was nothing that's going to scare children.

02:21:28.000 It's nothing that's going to hurt anybody's feelings. 1.00

02:21:30.000 Just a little tiny penis that's inside the woman's vagina. 1.00

02:21:33.000 I don't know why it's there. 1.00

02:21:34.000 Maybe you fucked her hermaphrodite. 1.00

02:21:36.000 Is that how it works? 1.00

02:21:36.000 No, I was eating it and it just started hitting me in the chin. 1.00

02:21:40.000 Okay, you're sucking a dick. 1.00

02:21:41.000 You're sucking a dick and you're on mescaline. 1.00

02:21:43.000 Okay, valiums. 1.00

02:21:44.000 You were talking about valiums.

02:21:45.000 I get it.

02:21:46.000 Dude, somebody drugged you and made you bomb. 1.00

02:21:48.000 I'm like, yeah, there's a fucking nice dick inside my pussy, right? 1.00

02:21:52.000 And you're like, yeah, pussy's so hot. 1.00

02:21:56.000 You don't know why you're gagging. 1.00

02:21:59.000 I'm just eating pussy that feels like I'm sucking a dick. 1.00

02:22:05.000 Smelling that dude's butt. 1.00

02:22:06.000 You're like, that is not a girl's butt. 1.00

02:22:08.000 There's no way. 1.00

02:22:11.000 You like that big dick inside that pussy? 1.00

02:22:13.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:22:14.000 Meanwhile, you wake up all quaaluded out. 0.99

02:22:17.000 What the fuck happened? 0.99

02:22:19.000 Who dosed me? 0.99

02:22:20.000 I just never saw it that violent before, like it actually come out.

02:22:24.000 You're getting just choked.

02:22:26.000 It looked like it. 1.00

02:22:27.000 Giant, fat, fucking... 1.00

02:22:29.000 Like a small boxer's arm. 1.00

02:22:34.000 Like a 135-pound champion arm. 1.00

02:22:38.000 You know, like a fucking one of them Mexican dudes that throws a nasty left hook to the body. 1.00

02:22:43.000 Like a Salvador Sanchez arm. 1.00

02:22:46.000 Ropey and fucking sinewy. 1.00

02:22:48.000 Slamming in the back of your throat. 1.00

02:22:53.000 Fucking quaaludes. 1.00

02:22:54.000 Okay, so an asteroid's coming. 1.00

02:22:58.000 And you have 10 minutes to run out in the street.

02:23:04.000 Do what? 1.00

02:23:05.000 Just fuck everyone that's else in the street taking off their clothes. 1.00

02:23:08.000 I don't think anybody's getting it up. 1.00

02:23:10.000 It's going to be the saddest thing in the world.

02:23:11.000 You get hit in the head by a rock and you're too nervous to get it up. 0.99

02:23:16.000 You're ready to bang your sister. 0.99

02:23:19.000 Finally! 1.00

02:23:19.000 We get to do this. 1.00

02:23:20.000 We've been staring at each other for 35 years. 1.00

02:23:23.000 Let's fucking do this. 1.00

02:23:24.000 She's like, fuck yeah. 1.00

02:23:25.000 I always wanted to fuck my brother. 1.00

02:23:27.000 You know, he spits on his dick and he's trying to get it hard and that fucking thing keeps getting closer and closer. 1.00

02:23:32.000 And she's like, come on! 1.00

02:23:34.000 Come on, we're gonna die! 1.00

02:23:35.000 You're such a fucking loser. 1.00

02:23:37.000 I always knew you were a loser. 1.00

02:23:38.000 Give me a chance to fuck me! 1.00

02:23:40.000 The asteroid is coming and you fucking blew it, Charlie Brown! 1.00

02:23:44.000 You blew it, Charlie Brown! 0.99

02:23:46.000 And you see the asteroid getting bigger and bigger, and the last memory this guy has as he transforms and changes and connects with hyperspace is him not being able to get it up while his sister screamed at him in the street staring at an asteroid. 1.00

02:24:01.000 It makes me wonder, though, because I feel like there's going to be a large amount of people, if that happens, that will run into the street and be like, that's it, let's just fuck each other. 0.99

02:24:07.000 All the people that no one wants to fuck. 0.99

02:24:08.000 They're like, finally! 1.00

02:24:10.000 Let's do this! 1.00

02:24:12.000 No, they're gonna run past you and they're gonna bang that hot milf that fucking mows her lawn in high-heeled shoes. 1.00

02:24:20.000 Every fucking street has that one crazy lady that just puts out the scent. 1.00

02:24:26.000 Puts that heat scent out in the air. 1.00

02:24:30.000 It is probably going to be mass rapes. 1.00

02:24:32.000 People just busting down doors.

02:24:34.000 That girl. 0.91

02:24:35.000 That's what I'm talking about.

02:24:36.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:24:38.000 Miss Parker from Friday.

02:24:38.000 Who is that?

02:24:39.000 Miss Parker.

02:24:39.000 Miss Parker from Friday?

02:24:41.000 Oh, please go full screen with this.

02:24:43.000 Let me see her.

02:24:44.000 Whoa. 1.00

02:24:45.000 God damn. 1.00

02:24:48.000 Exactly! 1.00

02:24:50.000 The asteroid flies by. 1.00

02:24:53.000 The asteroid flies by, and there's all these people that fuck that shouldn't have fucked. 0.99

02:24:57.000 Then they have babies like Kanye and Catlin have a kid together, and it's called the asteroid generation. 1.00

02:25:01.000 I don't mean to objectify this young lady, but that is a very strong part of her anatomy. 0.99

02:25:09.000 Very strong.

02:25:10.000 I don't need to objectify her, but congratulations on hitting the genetic lottery. 1.00

02:25:14.000 Look at the height of that ass. 1.00

02:25:17.000 In that position, it should retain a little flatness. 1.00

02:25:22.000 That thing must look ridiculous when she stands straight up. 0.99

02:25:25.000 Let's see it now, Jamie. 0.99

02:25:27.000 Ridiculous. 0.97

02:25:27.000 Let's see her now. 0.97

02:25:28.000 No, no, don't do that.

02:25:29.000 Don't blow this whole thing.

02:25:30.000 Look at that butt shadow. 1.00

02:25:31.000 Don't be so mean about the universe in time. 0.98

02:25:34.000 Is there a photo of her butt just standing there? 1.00

02:25:37.000 Is that her right above? 0.99

02:25:39.000 Mark!

02:25:40.000 Mark!

02:25:40.000 It's not her right above, is it?

02:25:41.000 No.

02:25:42.000 Does that hurt down there too?

02:25:43.000 Watering?

02:25:43.000 Right there?

02:25:45.000 Oh, good lord.

02:25:48.000 What is it about hips to waist ratio?

02:25:51.000 You know?

02:25:52.000 Oh my goodness.

02:25:54.000 What a good kid. 0.99

02:25:57.000 The genetic motherfucking lottery. 1.00

02:26:03.000 That's why it must fucking suck. 1.00

02:26:06.000 It must fucking suck if you wished you looked like that and you didn't. 1.00

02:26:11.000 Just looking at her. 1.00

02:26:13.000 Especially if you're a guy.

02:26:15.000 Say if you're a guy and you feel like you identify being a woman, but you really want to look like that. 1.00

02:26:21.000 But meanwhile you look like Ralphie Mae.

02:26:23.000 Or you look like Joey Diaz. 1.00

02:26:25.000 I think I'd be a sexy as fuck woman. 1.00

02:26:27.000 I've never dressed up as a woman. 1.00

02:26:29.000 That's not true.

02:26:29.000 I think I'd be gorgeous.

02:26:30.000 I'm just clearing that up right now.

02:26:32.000 That's so not true.

02:26:33.000 Look at these hips. 1.00

02:26:34.000 You definitely have womanly hips. 1.00

02:26:36.000 You would look like you already shout out all your kids though.

02:26:39.000 Dude, we should dress up as a woman one episode. 1.00

02:26:42.000 She used to be a Barker Beauty, apparently, too. 1.00

02:26:44.000 Really?

02:26:45.000 Yeah.

02:26:45.000 Back in the day.

02:26:46.000 What a good kid.

02:26:48.000 We should see who could be prettier.

02:26:49.000 She was a Playboy?

02:26:50.000 What's that right there?

02:26:51.000 Why does it say Playboy? 0.96

02:26:53.000 She's got naked pictures. 1.00

02:26:55.000 Good for her. 0.98

02:26:56.000 Good for her.

02:26:57.000 You know, that's another thing, I think.

02:26:59.000 There's nothing wrong with Playboy, folks.

02:27:02.000 Nothing wrong with naked bodies. 0.81

02:27:05.000 But there's nothing wrong with porn, either.

02:27:07.000 But we're not there yet, right?

02:27:10.000 Getting close.

02:27:11.000 People are getting closer, for sure.

02:27:13.000 It's way more acceptable nowadays.

02:27:15.000 Kids know what it is nowadays. 0.99

02:27:16.000 I didn't know that there was all this crap. 0.99

02:27:19.000 Anyone can just look at porn. 0.98

02:27:21.000 Do you think that VR stuff can save porn?

02:27:23.000 Save it?

02:27:24.000 Where's it going?

02:27:25.000 That's like, do you think that better cooking can save food?

02:27:28.000 They won't give it away for free, so you have to buy it.

02:27:31.000 They won't give it away for free.

02:27:32.000 Yeah, but see, dude, I think in a lot of ways, what's going to happen with some of the artists...

02:27:39.000 I use the most respectful term possible.

02:27:42.000 They can make personal appearances.

02:27:44.000 They can make a ton of money doing that.

02:27:47.000 Almost like musicians that don't sell too many CDs now.

02:27:51.000 It's hard. 1.00

02:27:51.000 Other than Apple, maybe Apple should get in the porn business and say, fuck it. 1.00

02:27:56.000 Stop being pussies about it. 1.00

02:27:57.000 Just get in. 1.00

02:27:58.000 You should have done it well.

02:27:58.000 Can you imagine if Apple just decides to go whole hog and has an adult app, okay?

02:28:03.000 And you open up their adult app, it comes on the operator, it's just called adult.

02:28:07.000 And you enter in all your information that shows that you're of a certain age.

02:28:10.000 And you know how you do the thumbprint thing?

02:28:12.000 You have to do the thumbprint thing to activate it so they know it's you and not someone using your phone that knows your code that isn't of age. 0.99

02:28:18.000 And then you watch as much fucking porn as you want. 0.99

02:28:22.000 They should do it. 1.00

02:28:24.000 They're stupid not to do it. 1.00

02:28:25.000 You could buy it. 1.00

02:28:26.000 Then the actors could get paid.

02:28:28.000 Exactly.

02:28:29.000 Notice I said actors.

02:28:30.000 Actors.

02:28:31.000 Models.

02:28:31.000 Luckies.

02:28:32.000 You ever see that Bill Hicks battle about models? 1.00

02:28:34.000 Like, here's Debbie modeling a 12-inch dick in her mouth. 1.00

02:28:40.000 I did it no justice. 1.00

02:28:42.000 I'm trying to remember it as I'm saying it.

02:28:44.000 You know Bill Hicks is Alex Jones, right?

02:28:47.000 That's what I heard.

02:28:48.000 What is this?

02:28:49.000 Your iPhone can be hacked with a photo of your thumb.

02:28:52.000 Jesus!

02:28:52.000 Of course it could be.

02:28:53.000 Your iPhone could be hacked while you're asleep.

02:28:56.000 Yeah, the government is already reading your tweets.

02:29:00.000 Your Twitter messages.

02:29:02.000 I tried that, though.

02:29:03.000 I was dating a girl and I did the whole thumb to see if it would work. 0.96

02:29:06.000 I did.

02:29:07.000 You did?

02:29:08.000 I'll watch you asleep.

02:29:09.000 Watch you asleep.

02:29:10.000 That's so rude.

02:29:12.000 So rude.

02:29:12.000 Not as rude as what Esther does.

02:29:14.000 Little Esther goes while her boyfriend's in the bathroom and turns on location shit so she can just track them all day long. 0.98

02:29:23.000 Oh, Christ. 0.99

02:29:23.000 Isn't that weird? 0.99

02:29:24.000 That's an option in your phone that a lot of people don't know is I can turn on my location tracking and send it to you so you can just track me for life if you wanted to.

02:29:31.000 That is so weird that people even want to do that.

02:29:34.000 They want to follow people. 1.00

02:29:35.000 What the fuck are you up to, Jamie? 0.99

02:29:37.000 How about people that would do that to their employees? 1.00

02:29:40.000 Make sure their employees stay within a certain range.

02:29:42.000 I don't want you going out on the road this weekend and getting all tired.

02:29:47.000 I want you to be fresh for work Monday.

02:29:49.000 But, Mr. Wilson, you can't tell me where to go on the road this weekend.

02:29:53.000 Well, if you want a promotion, you'll be the guy that stays in and gets some rest.

02:29:59.000 Is that possible?

02:30:01.000 I mean, if bosses can tell you that you have to have a piss test, okay?

02:30:05.000 If they can piss test you, what they're saying is they want to make sure you didn't smoke some pot on the weekend, right?

02:30:11.000 If you get there Monday...

02:30:12.000 I know guys who won't smoke pot because they worry they're going to get tested randomly at work and it would cost them their job.

02:30:18.000 You get fired.

02:30:19.000 So if you smoke a joint on Friday after work, you know, the fights are on, you get a pizza with your friends, you guys smoke a joint, you have a laugh, you watch pizza, and then you show up Monday morning.

02:30:30.000 Do you really think they're going to be affected by that joint?

02:30:33.000 Nope.

02:30:33.000 Not at all.

02:30:34.000 But they'll test positive.

02:30:36.000 They're going to test positive.

02:30:38.000 That's the same thing.

02:30:40.000 It's just like your boss is telling you mentally to stay put.

02:30:43.000 I mean, that's the same thing.

02:30:45.000 That's what they're doing.

02:30:46.000 I used to have to do that. 0.99

02:30:47.000 I remember when I would smoke weed, and I'd be like, God damn, I smoked weed. 0.96

02:30:50.000 Now I better not get tested in the next couple weeks. 1.00

02:30:52.000 I would be freaking out looking at the calendar like, shit. 1.00

02:30:55.000 And they can have a zero-tolerance policy. 1.00

02:30:57.000 They can write it into their contract because it's an illegal drug.

02:30:59.000 And they just fire you, man.

02:31:01.000 And you can have totally non-psychoactive levels in your system.

02:31:05.000 Doesn't matter.

02:31:06.000 Totally sober.

02:31:07.000 And also, there's no science that backs that there's long-term effects of, you know, you smoke a joint on Friday night and, you know, a Monday morning, some sort of a long-term...

02:31:16.000 Right.

02:31:16.000 There's nothing.

02:31:17.000 And if there is, judge the person based on their performance at work.

02:31:21.000 Don't, you know, you can't, if someone's not doing their job at work, I mean, that's why they check each other out, and that's why they have assessments and stuff, and that's why you have meetings with your supervisors, and that's what that's for. 1.00

02:31:32.000 Okay, it has nothing to do with what, like, one person could be a fucking moron and never touch a drop of alcohol and never smoke and never do anything their whole life, and they could be a fucking moron. 0.99

02:31:42.000 You don't get brownie points. 1.00

02:31:43.000 You don't get extra points for not doing drugs.

02:31:45.000 You just don't.

02:31:46.000 It's like, what happens when the guy does?

02:31:48.000 Is he okay? 0.95

02:31:49.000 What if he has a couple of drinks on Friday, and he shows up Monday morning fresh as a daisy, he worked out the gym at 530, and he's fucking here ready to rock and roll. 1.00

02:31:57.000 What do you give a fuck? 1.00

02:31:59.000 Like, it's stupid. 1.00

02:32:00.000 It's a stupid, like, distinction to put on someone, to think that somehow or another it's bad. 1.00

02:32:06.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:32:07.000 I read an article this weekend about Netflix.

02:32:09.000 They offer unlimited vacation time to their workers as long as they get their work done.

02:32:14.000 Theoretically, I guess you go get high and take two weeks off and come back. 0.99

02:32:18.000 Fuck yeah, Netflix. 1.00

02:32:19.000 Killing it again. 1.00

02:32:21.000 I'm addicted to Narcos, man. 0.75

02:32:23.000 I'm like seven episodes in now.

02:32:25.000 I did the seventh one last night. 1.00

02:32:27.000 Fuck, that show's good. 1.00

02:32:29.000 God damn, it's good. 1.00

02:32:32.000 It's a fucking well-made show. 1.00

02:32:34.000 It's like a movie every week. 1.00

02:32:36.000 You know?

02:32:38.000 It's crazy that it's all based on a true story.

02:32:40.000 Pablo Escobar was insane!

02:32:43.000 Like, you gotta watch this series, folks.

02:32:46.000 You gotta watch this series, because it's all based on real events.

02:32:49.000 And you realize how unbelievably insane Escobar was.

02:32:54.000 And the amount of power and money that guy had.

02:32:57.000 It's incredible.

02:32:58.000 It's beyond imagination.

02:32:59.000 And they did such a great job of building up the production, of showing how they started making it and selling it and showing the impact of it. 0.99

02:33:09.000 Fuck, it's good. 1.00

02:33:11.000 Fuck, it's good. 1.00

02:33:12.000 Did you hear about the guy in Miami who recently bought a house, and when they were excavating some of the property, they found a safe, and it was Pablo Escobar's former house. 1.00

02:33:20.000 Oh, shit. 0.94

02:33:20.000 So he told the press, and the first safe got stolen, and they found a second safe, and they told the press again. 0.94

02:33:26.000 I don't think it's now being kept somewhere, so I don't think they've opened it or found out what's in it, but... 1.00

02:33:31.000 Guy's an asshole. 1.00

02:33:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:33:32.000 Keep your mouth shut, son. 1.00

02:33:33.000 Don't you have friends? 0.97

02:33:34.000 No.

02:33:35.000 Get a friend and a shovel and a pickup truck.

02:33:38.000 It's time to get rich.

02:33:41.000 I wonder if that money's flagged, you know?

02:33:45.000 Probably if there's money in it.

02:33:46.000 If it's gold.

02:33:47.000 Open up the safe and it's just another safe.

02:33:50.000 All people that Pablo Escobar hated.

02:33:53.000 Safe found within concrete of the late drug king.

02:33:57.000 Wow, that's amazing. 1.00

02:34:00.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

02:34:01.000 They said the mansion was believed to just be used to stash cash, so... 1.00

02:34:04.000 Dude, you gotta watch this series.

02:34:06.000 It's incredible.

02:34:07.000 It's incredible.

02:34:08.000 When you realize how much money that guy had, and how much power, and how much havoc he caused, and that it wasn't that long ago.

02:34:15.000 And now they say Columbia is, like, really safe and really nice.

02:34:18.000 Like, Columbia is a totally different place now. 0.99

02:34:21.000 Now that all that shit's done with, they're like, no, it's nice. 0.99

02:34:24.000 Like, they figured it out. 0.99

02:34:25.000 Like, Bourdain went there for a show.

02:34:27.000 And you see what it's like now, and it's like, it's really beautiful.

02:34:31.000 They actually worked their way through this issue.

02:34:33.000 It's crazy.

02:34:34.000 Because people think of Colombia, and you think of the Medellin cartel, you think of the drug killings of, you know, it's like one of the most iconic things about it, right?

02:34:42.000 And then coffee.

02:34:43.000 Yeah.

02:34:44.000 Right?

02:34:44.000 I also saw the drones being used to carry drugs over the border in Mexico this weekend.

02:34:49.000 And to prisons, even.

02:34:50.000 People are using drones to do things.

02:34:52.000 Madness. 0.98

02:34:53.000 Goddammit. 0.99

02:34:54.000 Alright, I gotta get the fuck out of here. 0.97

02:34:55.000 It's 4.17 right now. 0.78

02:34:58.000 Wednesday, Brian Redband.

02:35:00.000 I believe there's a show going on.

02:35:01.000 Yeah.

02:35:02.000 We're doing a Death Squad secret show with you and Ari Shafar.

02:35:06.000 How is it a secret if you're telling everybody right now?

02:35:08.000 Because there's a secret guest that I'm not gonna tell you about!

02:35:12.000 Oh, you're so tricky.

02:35:13.000 But John Heffron, Rory Scoville, Dean Del Rey.

02:35:16.000 Nice.

02:35:17.000 And that starts at?

02:35:18.000 8.30 Comedy Store Main Room.

02:35:20.000 We're full.

02:35:21.000 And I'm doing Dom Herrera's show today at the Laugh Factory at 8. And then the Dean Del Rey show after that.

02:35:30.000 The 50th birthday show.

02:35:31.000 That's at the El Rey Theater.

02:35:33.000 And that's Brian Redband.

02:35:36.000 Chris, who else is with you?

02:35:37.000 Chris D'Elia, Bill Burr, Joe Bartnick.

02:35:39.000 Joe Bartnick.

02:35:40.000 Bill Burr, Chris D'Elia, and me.

02:35:42.000 We're going to have some fun.

02:35:43.000 And Dean Del Rey, of course, who's turning 50. Alright, you fucking animals. 1.00

02:35:47.000 Thank you very much. 1.00

02:35:48.000 Appreciate the hell out of you people. 0.95

02:35:49.000 The hell? 0.99

02:35:50.000 The hell? 0.99

02:35:51.000 The heck? 0.98

02:35:52.000 How about that? 1.00

02:35:52.000 I want to say fuck, but I don't want to say fuck twice in a row like that because it sounds ignorant. 1.00

02:35:56.000 Good night. 1.00

02:35:57.000 Goodbye.

02:35:58.000 Much love.

02:35:58.000 Big kiss.

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 02, 2016

Joe Rogan Experience #754 - Brian Redban

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript