The Joe Rogan Experience - February 10, 2011


Joe Rogan Experience #79 - Jon Lajoie

Topics
open houses Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas subscribe porn circle early 20s development early 20s moral decisions magic mushrooms mushrooms selling illegal mushrooms UFOs organic celery chemicals snakehead invasion piranha pets Grizzly Man Diaries pack of wolves in Russia vodka ad viral video spiders vipers and spiders instincts and genetic transmission abortion porn Naughty Show podcasts drinking UFC commentary
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Jon Lajoie
Mentioned
Joey Diaz Brian Dude Eddie Bravo John L.A. John Locke Jean Lajoie Timothy Treadwell Terrence McKenna Prince Albert Werner Herzog Grizzly Man Dana White Cupcake Jason Tebow Philip Michael Hall Edward James Olmos Michael Hill Pete Johansson Magic Johnson and 57 more
JRE MMA Show #78 with Andre Ward JRE MMA Show #80 with Evander Holyfield

Episode Stats


Length

2 hours and 7 minutes

Words per minute

209.14

Word count

26,596

Sentence count

3,252

Harmful content

Misogyny

142

sentences flagged

Toxicity

1,437

sentences flagged

Hate speech

109

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Comedian Jean-Lajoie joins us to talk about his love of the butthole, and what it's like to be a man in his late 20's who doesn't know the difference between a real and fake butt. We're sponsored by The Fleshlight, and if you enter the code "Rogan" at checkout, you get 15% off the entire site. If you go to joe.roogan.net and enter "code name Rogan" and enter in the code name "ROGAN" you get $15 off the whole site, plus free shipping on all orders. Joe Rogan is a stand-up comedian from Los Angeles, California. He's been in comedy for over 20 years, and is one of the funniest people I've ever met. He's funny, smart, and has a great sense of humor, which is what makes him even funnier than you'd expect from someone who's not even half of his age yet. Enjoy this episode, and don't forget to give us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and subscribe to our other podcast, The Creepy Butthole. It'll help us spread the word about this podcast to the rest of the world. Cheers! -Joe Rogan and the Creepy Bunch! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Artwork by Ian Dorsch. Thank you for listening to this episode of the podcast and supporting us on Soundcloud. Please rate, review and review us on Anchor.fm, and share the podcast on your thoughts, and tell us what you think of this podcast! and we'll be listening to it in the next week's episode on your social media platforms! if you like it, we'll get a shoutout on the next episode! thank you! :) and tag us on insta on Insta: . and if it's a good one! or you leave us a review on Instapod or a review or review on the pod? or review it on Instafoodie and a review is a star rating on Instagrasmatic and/or a review we'll have it on the podcast is a shout out on Instacart? and you'll be notified about it!

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 We're a phone company.
00:00:01.000 I make 12 bucks an hour, but that's all I need.
00:00:04.000 I live in a small apartment on a quiet street.
00:00:06.000 I don't go out too much.
00:00:08.000 I like to watch TV. I can't afford a car.
00:00:10.000 I use public transportation.
00:00:12.000 I don't mind. 0.98
00:00:13.000 I read till I reach my destination Sometimes a newspaper, sometimes a book The amount of money I save, this shit is off the hook And I'm not very good with the women I'm a pretty shy person and I'm average looking Last time I had sex was in 2003 and I'm ashamed to admit, but it wasn't free. 0.98
00:00:32.000 I'm just a regular, everyday, normal guy. 1.00
00:00:34.000 I get nervous in social situations, motherfuckers. 1.00
00:00:38.000 I'm just a regular, everyday, normal guy. 1.00
00:00:40.000 I get constipated once a And I make pretty good spaghetti sauce, motherfucker. 0.99
00:00:49.000 And I get scared when I go see the dentist. 1.00
00:00:57.000 Oh, no you didn't.
00:00:58.000 The Pauly Shore of Everyday Life.
00:01:00.000 Oh, dude.
00:01:02.000 I'm so worried.
00:01:03.000 I'm not going to meet him.
00:01:05.000 He doesn't know about it.
00:01:06.000 No, I know he doesn't, because he asked me.
00:01:08.000 Buddy, I'm too busy.
00:01:11.000 He actually called my manager and wanted me to do something like some special he was doing.
00:01:15.000 I'm like, he does not know.
00:01:17.000 He's never heard anything I've done.
00:01:19.000 He just wants you because you're becoming famous.
00:01:22.000 We are joined on the podcast today by Jean Lajoie.
00:01:26.000 That is the correct pronunciation, sir?
00:01:28.000 I got it right?
00:01:29.000 Thank you.
00:01:31.000 Fantastic comedian from Montreal, Canada.
00:01:36.000 One of my favorite cities in the world.
00:01:38.000 Before we even get started, we are sponsored by The Fleshlight.
00:01:40.000 If you go to JoeRogan.net and enter in the code name Rogan, you get 15% off.
00:01:45.000 Have you ever used one of those things, man?
00:01:46.000 You know what?
00:01:47.000 I'm going to be weird.
00:01:48.000 I've used, like, I don't know if it's a competitor thing.
00:01:51.000 Like, I haven't, but no.
00:01:52.000 How could you know any word?
00:01:53.000 I mean, how could you not know? 1.00
00:01:54.000 If you guys have one for me, I'd definitely, I'd love to fuck it too. 1.00
00:01:57.000 I love that shit. 1.00
00:01:58.000 Well, this one has been around, and everybody's been fingering it since the beginning of the year, so we're going to have to get you a new one. 1.00
00:02:03.000 No, I'll take that one.
00:02:04.000 You sure you want it? 0.79
00:02:05.000 It's the butthole version, bro. 0.78
00:02:07.000 It's good. 0.92
00:02:07.000 You don't want to be caught at home with the butthole version. 0.92
00:02:09.000 At least if you're caught with the vagina version, it's like, yeah, you're a pervert, but, you know, whatever. 1.00
00:02:14.000 If you just run around, just... 0.99
00:02:15.000 Why?
00:02:15.000 It's just tighter.
00:02:16.000 That's better. 1.00
00:02:16.000 Fucking rubber buttholes. 1.00
00:02:17.000 Tighter's better, right? 1.00
00:02:17.000 Tighter girls are better. 1.00
00:02:19.000 It's just what it represents, man.
00:02:20.000 It represents... 0.96
00:02:21.000 Girls' buttholes! 1.00
00:02:22.000 You want to fuck girls in the butt so bad, you have a fake one. 1.00
00:02:25.000 And not even, like, the rest of the girl attached to it. 1.00
00:02:27.000 You don't even have a fake body. 0.99
00:02:28.000 You just have the fake butthole. 1.00
00:02:30.000 You're just stuffing it in that fake butthole like some fucking fiend. 1.00
00:02:33.000 Ha ha! 1.00
00:02:34.000 Some butt-sex fiend. 1.00
00:02:36.000 Way to sell them, man. 1.00
00:02:37.000 Way to sell them. 1.00
00:02:38.000 It's a fucking fantastic thing, though. 1.00
00:02:40.000 Here, feel it. 0.99
00:02:40.000 You feel what it feels like. 0.99
00:02:41.000 This one no one has had sex with. 0.96
00:02:43.000 A couple dudes have fingered it. 0.98
00:02:44.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:02:45.000 I think Eddie Bravo might have licked his finger before he stuck it in there.
00:02:49.000 Oh, yeah, I did.
00:02:50.000 Weird, right?
00:02:50.000 Dude, I'm not weird about it.
00:02:52.000 It's fucking good. 0.98
00:02:52.000 Like, I don't care. 0.98
00:02:53.000 Like, what's that, or me fucking this, or fucking my hands? 1.00
00:02:56.000 Yeah, exactly. 0.99
00:02:57.000 It's a weird thing, though.
00:02:59.000 It's most certainly absolutely embarrassing.
00:03:02.000 It's embarrassing to a lot of people.
00:03:03.000 I think buying it would be the worst, but now you can get it online, which is...
00:03:07.000 But you know, it's like they only get you with stuff like that if you get embarrassed by it.
00:03:13.000 Then it becomes a shameful thing. 1.00
00:03:14.000 Like if someone comes in my office and goes, what do you, fuck this thing? 1.00
00:03:18.000 Do you fuck this thing? 1.00
00:03:18.000 I'd be like, yeah. 1.00
00:03:20.000 Yeah, fuck it. 1.00
00:03:21.000 Like, what do you care? 1.00
00:03:22.000 You know, you can't get me with that. 0.99
00:03:23.000 But to a lot of people, you say to them, hey, what are you, fucking that tube over there? 1.00
00:03:28.000 And they get red and they feel like a loser. 1.00
00:03:30.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:03:32.000 Can't let other motherfuckers define you, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00
00:03:34.000 That's my message, alright? 1.00
00:03:35.000 You wanna fuck that tube? 1.00
00:03:36.000 Fuck that tube, son. 1.00
00:03:38.000 Fuck it all. 1.00
00:03:39.000 My cleaning lady just, like, she comes in and, like, I have shit, you know, that I don't necessarily hide. 1.00
00:03:44.000 Tissues and shit? 0.99
00:03:44.000 Well, not even just, like, just, like, stuff, you know, some fun toys that I use with, you know, some ladies. 0.99
00:03:49.000 Oh, dildos and shit. 0.98
00:03:51.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:03:51.000 Goddamn, my man goes deep. 1.00
00:03:53.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:03:54.000 No, like, my cleaning lady, I love it.
00:03:56.000 She's like, she'll clean my plate, and she'll be like, oh, she'll find them and just put them on top of a dresser. 0.98
00:04:01.000 And she'll be like, I don't know where to put these, John. 0.99
00:04:04.000 Yeah, what the fuck is that like for her? 1.00
00:04:06.000 Picking up your dirty, slimy, frosted... 1.00
00:04:10.000 It looks like a donut. 1.00
00:04:11.000 Like, frosted donut dildo. 0.86
00:04:13.000 Unclean, just lying under the bed.
00:04:16.000 Recently, have you noticed, like, girls...
00:04:18.000 Like, different girlfriends don't like using, like, old dildos? 0.99
00:04:22.000 Like, would they...
00:04:23.000 I always had, like, dildos.
00:04:24.000 Of course, girls.
00:04:25.000 Well, I started to, like, try to put them in its own packaging and stuff like that.
00:04:29.000 No, dude.
00:04:30.000 So I would keep the packaging mint. 1.00
00:04:31.000 You're just a cheap motherfucker. 1.00
00:04:33.000 Yeah, that's ridiculous. 1.00
00:04:34.000 How much is a dildo? 0.99
00:04:35.000 They're only, like, $10.
00:04:35.000 No, I would buy, like, I'd buy good ones, you know, like the, whatever, the dolphins and the dolphin.
00:04:40.000 A dolphin?
00:04:41.000 It was, like, $90.
00:04:42.000 Really? 1.00
00:04:43.000 That's, like, the PlayStation of a fucking dildo. 1.00
00:04:45.000 Wow. 1.00
00:04:45.000 Dude, that girl's, like, this has been inside some other girl's pussy with you and, like, push-shoving it in there, like... 1.00
00:04:52.000 She doesn't want... 1.00
00:04:53.000 Yeah, but she wants these fingers. 1.00
00:04:55.000 They're washed.
00:04:56.000 That's a good point, man.
00:04:58.000 It is a good point.
00:05:00.000 But it doesn't matter because it's still your body and somehow or another it makes it okay. 0.99
00:05:04.000 Instead of some rubber rabbit that you stick in a chick's neck and asshole at the same time. 1.00
00:05:09.000 Is that what it was? 1.00
00:05:09.000 Yeah, it was a rabbit. 1.00
00:05:10.000 And it's worse also that you bought it specifically to fuck some other girl with it. 1.00
00:05:14.000 It wasn't like, oh, I found this lying around and I just fucked this other girl. 1.00
00:05:18.000 It was like you bought it with this other chick and fucked her. 1.00
00:05:22.000 And then you're like, oh, I'm not with her anymore, and now I'm with this other girl. 1.00
00:05:25.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:05:26.000 You've got to be careful getting into that fucking robotics world. 1.00
00:05:30.000 You know? 1.00
00:05:31.000 You're fucking setting a pace you can't really match up with. 1.00
00:05:33.000 Once you fuck a chick with one of those rabbit things, and it's beating the fuck out of the sides of her pussy, it's just Anderson Silva kneeing the sides of her pussy, just slamming it. 1.00
00:05:42.000 Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. 1.00
00:05:43.000 And that little rabbit ears are jamming her in her butthole. 1.00
00:05:46.000 What the fuck are you going to do? 1.00
00:05:47.000 What are you going to do with your average dick? 1.00
00:05:49.000 With your human dick. 1.00
00:05:50.000 Yeah, what are you going to do with that fleshy little soft thing that you've got to worry about if she gets on top and she might break it? 1.00
00:05:57.000 You ever have that happen, man, where it almost breaks?
00:05:59.000 No.
00:06:00.000 Where you get a fallout and then it hits the taint?
00:06:02.000 Oh, yeah.
00:06:02.000 When it pulls out.
00:06:03.000 Dude, guys have gone to the hospital for this shit. 1.00
00:06:05.000 Are you serious? 1.00
00:06:05.000 Yes, yes. 1.00
00:06:06.000 You can tear. 1.00
00:06:07.000 Your dick breaks. 1.00
00:06:08.000 And not only does it break, but a lot of times it stays crooked forever. 1.00
00:06:12.000 Oh, I think I broke my dick before then. 0.99
00:06:14.000 I bet you did, man. 1.00
00:06:15.000 I think I broke mine a little.
00:06:16.000 I didn't think it was possible, so I always just went, oh, yeah, it feels like it's going to break.
00:06:20.000 No, no.
00:06:21.000 Mine kind of broke over time.
00:06:23.000 Really?
00:06:24.000 It's just like an old ship. 1.00
00:06:26.000 It's fucking hit too many rocks. 0.99
00:06:28.000 Yeah, mine looks like a broken nose. 0.99
00:06:29.000 Waves.
00:06:30.000 A lot of waves, man. 0.99
00:06:31.000 A lot of spilled beer rotting the dick. 0.99
00:06:33.000 A lot of waves hitting the left side. 0.99
00:06:40.000 There's this dude on my message board.
00:06:42.000 I'm sorry, man.
00:06:43.000 I forget your name. 1.00
00:06:44.000 But he has a fucking giant hog. 0.99
00:06:46.000 And his picture's totally bent. 1.00
00:06:48.000 His dick's completely bent to the right. 1.00
00:06:50.000 So much so that it's subverter. 1.00
00:06:52.000 That's who you're at.
00:06:53.000 And that's his name on the message board. 1.00
00:06:54.000 His dick is so ridiculous, it looks like it's photoshopped. 1.00
00:06:57.000 I mean, there's no way it could be that fat because he's a little dude. 1.00
00:07:00.000 Giant dick. 1.00
00:07:01.000 And no way it could be taking such a hard angle. 1.00
00:07:04.000 And he sends it to chicks and shit. 1.00
00:07:06.000 I would have created some drama online because he sent it to some girls. 1.00
00:07:10.000 So he sent you a picture of his dick. 1.00
00:07:12.000 He puts them online, man. 1.00
00:07:13.000 This guy puts them online for everybody to see. 1.00
00:07:15.000 I would love to have my dick pointed up, like bent up, so it just hit the top of the girls. 1.00
00:07:19.000 How many cock pictures have you seen online of dudes that you know online? 1.00
00:07:22.000 Millie! 1.00
00:07:23.000 I mean... 1.00
00:07:27.000 I mean, on the message board, everybody's always pulling their dick out. 1.00
00:07:30.000 More in person, unfortunately. 0.98
00:07:30.000 Well, because we hang out with comics. 0.98
00:07:34.000 John is from Montreal, Canada.
00:07:35.000 Is it like that up there? 0.92
00:07:37.000 Do dudes whip their dicks out all the time, or is it too cold? 0.97
00:07:39.000 I think it's a little cold. 0.99
00:07:41.000 I had a buddy who had the Prince Albert thing.
00:07:43.000 Oh, piercings? 1.00
00:07:45.000 Yeah, and he just loved whipping out his dick and showing people. 1.00
00:07:48.000 What the fuck is up with that guy? 1.00
00:07:49.000 Oh, dude. 1.00
00:07:51.000 Seriously. 1.00
00:07:51.000 That's some fucking crazy shit. 1.00
00:07:53.000 I've never looked at my dick and thought about throwing some metal through it. 1.00
00:07:56.000 Like a hole through the tip of your dick. 1.00
00:07:59.000 What are you fucking like? 1.00
00:08:01.000 It's cut open like a sausage. 1.00
00:08:02.000 Have you seen that?
00:08:03.000 Oh, I've seen that.
00:08:04.000 That's Prince Albert, right?
00:08:06.000 No, no, no.
00:08:07.000 That's another one.
00:08:08.000 What's that called? 1.00
00:08:09.000 There's like a ring right through the tip of the dick. 0.99
00:08:11.000 Yeah, that's the Prince Albert. 0.99
00:08:12.000 But the other one that you're talking about is more of a body modification thing. 1.00
00:08:15.000 They cut into the penis and they slice it open like a hot dog. 1.00
00:08:18.000 Yeah, like a hot dog. 1.00
00:08:19.000 Whoa.
00:08:21.000 It's common.
00:08:22.000 It's common.
00:08:22.000 It's really common.
00:08:24.000 Hot dog in the microwave. 1.00
00:08:28.000 Yeah, it must just spray all over the fucking place. 1.00
00:08:30.000 They have no control over the piss. 1.00
00:08:32.000 It looks horrendous, too.
00:08:34.000 It looks terrifying.
00:08:35.000 But it's become some barb.
00:08:37.000 No, it's like to be cool.
00:08:39.000 Yeah, some weirdo just wants to change the way he looks. 0.96
00:08:42.000 Dude, how about listening to some fucking, I don't know, indie rock albums to try to be cool? 0.97
00:08:46.000 Buy some records, dude. 1.00
00:08:49.000 You don't have to butcher your dick. 1.00
00:08:51.000 Oh, God, man. 1.00
00:08:52.000 It's a weird thing, man.
00:08:53.000 It's a weird thing.
00:08:54.000 It's like, where do you draw that line?
00:08:56.000 When you see a chick with a lip ring, like, ooh, you got a ring on your lip. 1.00
00:09:00.000 Your upper lip, there's a ring on it.
00:09:01.000 A metal ring.
00:09:02.000 Okay.
00:09:03.000 How far are you willing to go?
00:09:04.000 Because you're already in crazy town. 1.00
00:09:06.000 You've already got staples in your face, you fucking freak. 1.00
00:09:08.000 What are you doing? 1.00
00:09:09.000 You ever had a girl with the clit ring? 1.00
00:09:12.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:09:13.000 That's kind of cool, though.
00:09:14.000 It's kind of cool, but it also kind of seems like she's a mess.
00:09:17.000 Oh, and you know that if you're decorating down there, it's because you have open houses all the time.
00:09:26.000 And you're going down here, and I'm like, wait a minute.
00:09:28.000 Ah!
00:09:29.000 Dude, you gotta write that down. 1.00
00:09:31.000 If that's an ad-lib, shit. 0.99
00:09:33.000 Please, that's a bit. 0.99
00:09:35.000 Don't forget that one, dude.
00:09:36.000 We'll hold here. 0.99
00:09:38.000 That's a goddamn genius bit. 0.99
00:09:40.000 That's hilarious. 1.00
00:09:41.000 There's a thing about girls with clit rings. 1.00
00:09:43.000 You gotta know that if a girl's decorating down there, she's having open houses all the time. 1.00
00:09:48.000 Dude, that shit is brilliant. 1.00
00:09:49.000 See, I can't sit down and write comedy, and then all of a sudden, I just fucking... 1.00
00:09:54.000 Yeah, I do the same thing, man. 0.58
00:09:55.000 I have ideas, and I have to slam them onto a piece of paper, or I have to get it down as quick as possible, too. 1.00
00:10:00.000 Because five minutes later, I'm like a fucking idiot savant. 1.00
00:10:03.000 I won't know what I said. 1.00
00:10:04.000 That's why these podcasts are actually pretty good, because you can actually write comedy while you're talking.
00:10:09.000 Sort of, yeah. 0.98
00:10:09.000 There's been so many times where, like, I do Spider-Man, me talking about Spider-Man, where it's me throwing cum on walls of hotels, and I do it on stage now, and it fucking kills. 0.98
00:10:17.000 That's great. 0.98
00:10:18.000 Did you do that for real?
00:10:19.000 Yeah, I really did. 1.00
00:10:20.000 He's a mess, motherfucker. 1.00
00:10:22.000 It's walls that you and I have to go and touch. 1.00
00:10:24.000 I know.
00:10:24.000 You know, you're in your underwear, and you're putting your socks on, you might lean against the wall, and you could easily be touching this creep's loads.
00:10:29.000 Even worse, I play chicken, I throw it on the ceiling, I keep my mouth open, and...
00:10:35.000 Yo, to play chicken, you have to play with someone else. 0.99
00:10:39.000 That's just an excuse to be gay for yourself, bro. 0.98
00:10:41.000 It's as if I dart out of the way, but I don't, and that's why I get ID for cigarettes. 0.91
00:10:44.000 Look at my skin, so... 0.98
00:10:45.000 That is an excuse for you to be gay for yourself. 0.99
00:10:48.000 I'm not playing a part of this. 1.00
00:10:50.000 I play cum chicken with myself. 1.00
00:10:52.000 Like, how fucking gay. 1.00
00:10:55.000 But that's not even gay, that's like... 1.00
00:10:57.000 No, it's just recycling. 0.91
00:10:59.000 It's just bizarre.
00:11:01.000 Jim Norton has this great bit about this chick that used to make him do things. 0.61
00:11:05.000 I guess it's his girlfriend.
00:11:07.000 She tells him what to do. 0.91
00:11:09.000 She used to be a dominatrix or something nutty like that. 1.00
00:11:12.000 And Jim comes on her tits and she makes him lick it up. 1.00
00:11:15.000 And it's a true story. 0.99
00:11:17.000 And he's talking about it. 1.00
00:11:18.000 It's fucking hilarious, but it's also your fucking toes curl up, your butthole crunches up, you close your nostrils when you hear it, your whole body constricts, you're like, don't eat your own cum! 1.00
00:11:35.000 Dude. 1.00
00:11:35.000 There's something about it. 1.00
00:11:36.000 It's just...
00:11:37.000 Yeah, well, you guys were talking on one of the podcasts this week.
00:11:40.000 Some guy was...
00:11:41.000 Who was he?
00:11:42.000 Was it Ift?
00:11:43.000 Eddie Ift?
00:11:43.000 Yeah, Eddie Ift.
00:11:45.000 Funny guy.
00:11:45.000 Yeah.
00:11:46.000 He was talking about some guy sucking some guy... 1.00
00:11:49.000 Or letting some guy suck his dick so that he can fuck this hot chick. 1.00
00:11:52.000 Oh, it's Fred. 1.00
00:11:52.000 Oh, yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:11:53.000 That was Eddie Ift.
00:11:54.000 Yeah, his friend did that.
00:11:55.000 Yeah.
00:11:55.000 Yeah, and you're like...
00:11:57.000 My manager tells me the story of him and his buddy.
00:12:01.000 They hooked up with these two chicks, and they're at the hotel room with these two chicks, and the two chicks start making out and everything, and they go, if you guys make out, we will just do everything, but you guys have to make out. 1.00
00:12:15.000 And my manager's just like, okay, fuck it, I'm out of here, and the guy's chasing him around the room going, stop being such a fucking pussy and make out with that. 1.00
00:12:23.000 Oh my god! 1.00
00:12:24.000 Stop being such a...
00:12:25.000 Come on, dude. 0.96
00:12:26.000 Just make out with me, dude.
00:12:28.000 And you're like, really? 1.00
00:12:29.000 What the fuck, man? 1.00
00:12:30.000 How bad do you need to get laid, you creep? 1.00
00:12:33.000 You need a scar in your brain for life? 1.00
00:12:35.000 Because the moment you nut, the moment you... 1.00
00:12:38.000 What the fuck have I done? 1.00
00:12:40.000 He would immediately recognize the depths of your depravity. 1.00
00:12:44.000 And I think I'd let some guy suck my dick before I make out with a guy. 1.00
00:12:48.000 That's way more intimate. 1.00
00:12:49.000 I don't know, man.
00:12:51.000 Listen, at least you can control yourself.
00:12:53.000 I mean, you can defend yourself. 1.00
00:12:55.000 Some dude has his mouth over your dick. 1.00
00:12:57.000 He could just clamp down on that thing at any moment, and that's the end of your dick. 1.00
00:13:00.000 Yeah, that's true. 1.00
00:13:01.000 Fuck all that, man. 1.00
00:13:02.000 How do people on Saturday Night Live do a thing? 1.00
00:13:04.000 They suck dicks on Saturday Night Live? 1.00
00:13:05.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00
00:13:07.000 I mean, like, everybody does that. 1.00
00:13:09.000 Everybody sucking dick on Saturday Night Live? 1.00
00:13:11.000 They make out with each other and shit, right? 1.00
00:13:13.000 I guess when there's a live studio audience, it's different than being in, like, a hotel room. 1.00
00:13:16.000 Hey, there's a lot of guys who think it's funny to just be nutty like that.
00:13:19.000 You know, that was a big thing the Hells Angels used to do in the 60s.
00:13:22.000 Hunter S. Thompson wrote about it.
00:13:23.000 You know, about how in that movie...
00:13:26.000 The Hells Angels book that he wrote.
00:13:28.000 He wrote about how they would try to freak out squares.
00:13:31.000 Like, when they were around, like, regular people, they would just start making out with each other.
00:13:34.000 Big, burly guys.
00:13:35.000 Like, tongue and all.
00:13:36.000 They're just...
00:13:39.000 There's all this video of it.
00:13:41.000 The documentary Gonzo, great documentary.
00:13:44.000 That was narrated by Johnny Depp.
00:13:47.000 Super inspirational, makes you want to write, makes you really appreciate his whole outlook on things.
00:13:52.000 And also recognize him for real.
00:13:55.000 They didn't try to make him look like anything other than what he was.
00:13:58.000 Flawed, brilliant but flawed, crazy all over the place, but look what he produced.
00:14:04.000 But it was also like, look how he fell.
00:14:06.000 Like, look how it all fell apart for him.
00:14:08.000 Look how his, you know, his whole life and career.
00:14:10.000 Yeah, when he starts losing hope in the end, when he said all the uphill battles, he said that, yeah. 0.93
00:14:14.000 Scary shit, man, because, you know, as any artist, I think, I think we all look at ourselves and, you know, you look at, you know, what's your eventual take on this going to be? 0.97
00:14:23.000 Like, what's your body of work going to be like after 20 years or 30 years? 0.99
00:14:27.000 And at the end, are you going to still be enjoying this?
00:14:29.000 Like, look at this brilliant guy.
00:14:30.000 Like, what did he do wrong? 0.99
00:14:32.000 Like, why was some of his shit so good? 1.00
00:14:34.000 Some of the shit that he wrote. 1.00
00:14:36.000 Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is still one of my favorite books. 1.00
00:14:38.000 Just a fucking mad, crazy book. 1.00
00:14:42.000 This dude and his friend just dropping acid and just fucking people over on hotel bills. 1.00
00:14:47.000 It's a great fucking book. 0.99
00:14:50.000 It's alive. 0.99
00:14:51.000 You know what I mean?
00:14:51.000 It's like his writing.
00:14:53.000 There was some shit in there that was alive. 0.98
00:14:55.000 And it's not everybody can do that. 0.99
00:14:56.000 I don't know what it is or why a person can or can't.
00:14:59.000 But what drives me crazy is when they can do something like that and then they just still fall apart.
00:15:04.000 You know, it's like it's almost like what brings them to the dance kills them when they get there.
00:15:08.000 Yeah.
00:15:09.000 Well, it's because nothing is constant, you know?
00:15:11.000 Like, if you're so passionate about something, there's something that you need to nurture in that.
00:15:16.000 And we're constantly changing.
00:15:18.000 Nothing is, like, forever going to be that way.
00:15:20.000 So, five years from now, like, if you don't cultivate that kind of life and everything, you can all of a sudden, five years down the road, just not give a fuck about, like, and just completely, like, be a completely different...
00:15:31.000 Which is fine. 0.78
00:15:32.000 We need to...
00:15:33.000 You have to be comfortable in the struggle.
00:15:36.000 And part of the struggle is constantly creating, constantly coming up with new things.
00:15:41.000 Because as soon as you stop doing that, if you stop creating and you stop exploring it and utilizing that part of your mind and whatever it is, your spirit, it goes away.
00:15:51.000 The only reason why it's there is because it took you fucking 10, 15 years of going on stage over and over again to cultivate this thing where you know how to do it correctly.
00:15:59.000 You get into this groove. 0.98
00:16:01.000 But that can easily slip away from you. 0.99
00:16:03.000 When I was on news radio, There was like two years when I was on where I didn't write a fucking single joke. 0.86
00:16:11.000 All I did was perform at the Laugh Factory and I performed at the Comedy Store and I didn't do any road work at all. 0.96
00:16:17.000 And I didn't write at all.
00:16:18.000 I did the sitcom and the sitcom was a lot of work.
00:16:21.000 We'd work long hours and I'd be tired and I would show up at the comedy clubs and I just had no ambition.
00:16:27.000 You know, I didn't have any new material.
00:16:28.000 It was all the stuff that I'd been doing for years already, and I'd lost all connection with what I was saying.
00:16:33.000 You know what I mean?
00:16:34.000 Like, some bits, they get to a point where you're just kind of saying a bunch of things that you know will work.
00:16:39.000 It's like, I'm not even thinking about this.
00:16:41.000 I'm not in the moment where I'm saying this.
00:16:42.000 And anyway, I didn't realize it until I had some writers come to see me, some guys that were writers on news radio.
00:16:49.000 Oh, it was ugly.
00:16:50.000 And it was a late night set at the Comedy Store. 0.99
00:16:53.000 And the late nights at the Comedy Store in the main room when there was only like fucking 15 people, that place is a vacuum, man. 0.99
00:16:58.000 It's a cavern. 0.99
00:16:59.000 And I went up there and just really had a shitty set.
00:17:02.000 It just felt uncomfortable.
00:17:04.000 And that made me really realize, like, God, you don't even work on your comedy anymore. 0.99
00:17:07.000 Like, what the fuck are you doing? 0.99
00:17:08.000 Like, it's going to go away. 0.99
00:17:09.000 Like, the thing that was the most fun for you to do, now you're not doing it anymore.
00:17:13.000 And now when you do it, you're like weird about it.
00:17:15.000 Mm-hmm.
00:17:16.000 So it made me sort of reorganize and figure it out.
00:17:19.000 But I think for a lot of guys, they just start doing...
00:17:22.000 They become successful or they somehow or another get enough success so that they can make a living.
00:17:29.000 And then they just kind of stop.
00:17:31.000 It's weird.
00:17:32.000 That's when you kind of die.
00:17:34.000 It's so sad.
00:17:36.000 I feel myself.
00:17:37.000 I constantly have to keep...
00:17:39.000 I go...
00:17:40.000 I'm so new to this comedy game and...
00:17:44.000 I find myself like when I was just in my little tiny apartment.
00:17:47.000 I mean now I'm still in a tiny apartment in Hollywood.
00:17:50.000 But you just change your surroundings and the changes of people around you.
00:17:54.000 And now all of a sudden it's a business and you have an agent and a manager and they have plans, a career plan.
00:17:59.000 And all of a sudden you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:18:01.000 What's that little spark that I had inside me?
00:18:03.000 What was pushing me to do this in the first place?
00:18:05.000 And as soon as you lose that...
00:18:09.000 You're just completely lost.
00:18:10.000 And it happens so easy.
00:18:11.000 They can talk you into being business-minded and business-oriented.
00:18:15.000 I've talked to comics that I really like.
00:18:18.000 They're interesting guys. 0.97
00:18:19.000 And they'll start talking to you about liquor sales and shit. 0.86
00:18:22.000 I'm like, how do you even know that? 0.96
00:18:24.000 Why are you talking about this?
00:18:26.000 Have you ever thought about doing a song about Mountain Dew, though?
00:18:30.000 Dude, I've approached...
00:18:31.000 When you're online, you have a following.
00:18:35.000 Dude, you get approached by so many people.
00:18:37.000 Yeah, well, your videos have ridiculous numbers.
00:18:39.000 The average everyday normal guy is like, what is it, 20 million?
00:18:43.000 Yeah, almost 21 million.
00:18:44.000 That's some serious numbers, man. 1.00
00:18:47.000 Do you put ads on those and make money off that shit? 0.99
00:18:50.000 Well, there's a partnership program at YouTube, and they'll put the little ads at the bottom. 1.00
00:18:54.000 And so they send you checks for that shit? 0.98
00:18:56.000 Yeah, I make a little bit of money on there. 1.00
00:18:58.000 It's not nothing spectacular?
00:18:59.000 No, it's nothing.
00:19:00.000 I have to do other things, even to pay just my bills.
00:19:05.000 I heard that there's some dudes that have kids' ones on there.
00:19:08.000 And these kids' videos have such ridiculous, very regular, repeated customers.
00:19:15.000 And so the numbers are huge, like 5 million.
00:19:18.000 And now these guys are making ridiculous money from YouTube ads.
00:19:22.000 I've always heard that too, but I've never really thought it was real.
00:19:26.000 This is coming from Dana White.
00:19:27.000 Really?
00:19:28.000 Yeah, so it's real.
00:19:29.000 No, there are some kids who...
00:19:31.000 Like, I put out videos, and mine's more like content.
00:19:33.000 You allow sketches and songs, and I create the content, and I'll shoot it, edit it, and put it out.
00:19:38.000 It's like, you know, I don't have a TV show, so this is me doing my own content, and I fucking love it, and the creative freedom that comes along with it.
00:19:46.000 No one's looking over your shoulder.
00:19:47.000 You're just doing whatever you want.
00:19:49.000 And I get a decent amount of hits.
00:19:50.000 That's why it's so good, too.
00:19:51.000 Oh, it's amazing.
00:19:52.000 I'll never give that up.
00:19:54.000 I'll never give that up.
00:19:54.000 It's also why your stuff is so good, because it's coming from you.
00:19:58.000 When one person does this, and it sounds crazy, but I really believe this, when one person is involved in creating something and then they put it out, it's almost like you get a sense of their personality.
00:20:09.000 You get a glimpse into their creative, whatever the frequency they tune into.
00:20:15.000 When a bunch of people When people get in it, it can be really funny, but you might not enjoy it as much.
00:20:19.000 It gets watered down a little.
00:20:20.000 I don't know if that's real. 0.97
00:20:21.000 That sounds like totally hippie nonsense.
00:20:24.000 It's why we appreciate people so much when they do something and we enjoy it.
00:20:29.000 Think about what that's like.
00:20:31.000 If it's a band, some band that you fucking love, you gotta hang out with Trent Reznor when you were a kid. 0.84
00:20:36.000 What are you doing? 0.84
00:20:36.000 You're appreciating something this guy's producing and creating. 0.84
00:20:39.000 That's really what it's all about.
00:20:40.000 That's what being a fan is about.
00:20:42.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:20:42.000 It's a trippy fucking thing, man. 1.00
00:20:44.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
00:20:44.000 No, it's crazy. 1.00
00:20:45.000 And I don't really even think about that.
00:20:47.000 I don't know how you get, like, I do the shows and people, anyone just goes, dude, I love what you do.
00:20:51.000 I'm so, like, taken, and I'm so...
00:20:54.000 It's weird. 0.98
00:20:55.000 I'm very recently in this, but, like, I'm always like, fuck, so thankful. 0.99
00:21:00.000 I'm like, wow, dude, like, you know, you're watching, you enjoy it, and, wow, fuck, it's just a beautiful thing. 0.98
00:21:07.000 Yeah, it's a great exchange. 1.00
00:21:09.000 Of course you gotta deal with a bunch of nuts.
00:21:10.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:21:11.000 Did you ever watch his video, High as Fuck? 1.00
00:21:13.000 Yeah, I've seen that one too. 1.00
00:21:14.000 That's great.
00:21:15.000 We'll play that one at the end.
00:21:16.000 Alright, cool.
00:21:17.000 That's a teaser, ladies and gentlemen.
00:21:18.000 We'll let you know at the end we're going to have a juicy song for you.
00:21:21.000 Anybody who's having a problem with this podcast, getting it from iTunes, looking for the latest episodes every time, it's way easier if you just subscribe.
00:21:28.000 If you subscribe, you get them as soon as we put it up there.
00:21:31.000 But apparently Apple has some weird new way they're handling podcasts now where it doesn't allow you to ping the server.
00:21:38.000 This is all complicated shit, but the long and short of it is The best way to get the podcast the quickest is just subscribe on iTunes.
00:21:45.000 Or you can always go to JoeRogan.net and right after the podcast is over, within a couple hours, Brian has a link up and you can download it from that. 0.97
00:21:53.000 So that's easy too.
00:21:54.000 So that's the way to do it.
00:21:56.000 Don't be whining anymore.
00:21:57.000 How does that work on your website?
00:21:59.000 Does it go?
00:22:00.000 Because I'm so, like, technologically, I download on iTunes, go straight to my library, syncs with my iPod.
00:22:05.000 Like, if I go on your website, does it go right into the iTunes or drag and drop?
00:22:09.000 Well, it's just a file.
00:22:10.000 Yeah, you just download an MP3. Yeah, it's just an MP3 file.
00:22:14.000 Because I want it to be available not just for iTunes.
00:22:17.000 You know, I want it on Zoom.
00:22:19.000 And even if you've got some wonky old MP3 recorder, one of them little USB jammies that doesn't even have, like, a...
00:22:24.000 Yeah, if you're in the Zune marketplace, just hold down your power button, wait for it to reset, and then relaunch it.
00:22:31.000 Are you making jokes?
00:22:32.000 Is that a Microsoft joke, Brian?
00:22:34.000 Yeah, I'm so clueless.
00:22:36.000 He tried to sneak a Microsoft joke in there.
00:22:38.000 You have to rewrote the device.
00:22:40.000 The device is no good. 0.99
00:22:41.000 Hey, Verizon, you cunts. 0.99
00:22:43.000 What's up with this? 1.00
00:22:44.000 The new iPhone has a world chip in it, but you don't turn it on, you fucking weirdos. 1.00
00:22:50.000 You're scared. 1.00
00:22:51.000 You're scared your network's going to crumble, bitches. 1.00
00:22:53.000 That's what it is. 1.00
00:22:54.000 They've been talking so much shit on AT&T. They don't understand the power of the iPhone. 0.99
00:22:57.000 When that motherfucker comes, a wave of freaks are going to come over to your side. 0.98
00:23:00.000 It's going to be like 15% of the people from AT&T they're estimating are going to vacate their contracts early. 0.99
00:23:07.000 That's a large number, man.
00:23:08.000 They're seeing even more, like business partners.
00:23:10.000 You know what?
00:23:11.000 I was doing an AT&T commercial last night.
00:23:13.000 I was sitting there, and I was sending all these photos to my Flickr, and I was also trying to download this YouTube video, and then somebody calls me. 0.97
00:23:21.000 If somebody would have called me during that on the Verizon network, all that shit would have, like, failed. 0.95
00:23:25.000 You're right. 0.98
00:23:26.000 You're right.
00:23:27.000 And so I was, like, thinking, that's pretty big for me.
00:23:29.000 For you.
00:23:29.000 I'm a heavy user of internet and multitasking and stuff like that.
00:23:33.000 That's what's called a power user.
00:23:34.000 Yeah, but even TwitVid.
00:23:35.000 If you're on Twitter and you're loading a video and then somebody calls you halfway through it, guess what?
00:23:39.000 That video's not loading up.
00:23:41.000 That's right.
00:23:41.000 Yeah, that's a good point.
00:23:42.000 Fuck that. 1.00
00:23:43.000 That's a good point, if you look at it that way. 1.00
00:23:45.000 Yeah, I don't understand why Verizon can't do that.
00:23:48.000 From what I understand, though, when they get to 4G, that won't be an issue anymore.
00:23:52.000 Is that correct?
00:23:53.000 Yeah.
00:23:53.000 Yeah, 4G won't have it.
00:23:55.000 So 4G, even though it's CDMA as opposed to...
00:23:58.000 See, Verizon's network's good, but it's actually just older, like an older technology.
00:24:02.000 It's older technology, and it's called CDMA, right?
00:24:04.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:24:04.000 And for some reason, even though it's older technology, it penetrates deeper into buildings.
00:24:08.000 Yeah, I guess that's one of the...
00:24:10.000 So it gives you more cancer.
00:24:12.000 It gives you better cancer.
00:24:13.000 But I got a new title to my book. 1.00
00:24:16.000 It's called, If You Get Cancer From Your Cell Phone, You're a Fucking Pussy. 1.00
00:24:20.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:24:20.000 I know what you really wanted to say. 1.00
00:24:22.000 What? 1.00
00:24:23.000 Pussies. 1.00
00:24:23.000 Your retired word. 1.00
00:24:24.000 No.
00:24:25.000 No, I wouldn't say no. 1.00
00:24:27.000 It'd be more you're a pussy than an F.A. word, F.A. G.G. word, O.T. word. 1.00
00:24:33.000 You know what, though?
00:24:34.000 I mean, has anyone done research like on ball cancer?
00:24:36.000 Is ball cancer up right now? 1.00
00:24:37.000 Because your fucking cell phones buy your balls 90% of the time. 1.00
00:24:41.000 Yeah, I don't know what the fuck you're doing with your phone, man. 1.00
00:24:43.000 Don't stick it under your balls. 1.00
00:24:44.000 Well, it's on the pocket. 1.00
00:24:45.000 That's like being on the side of your head, right?
00:24:47.000 Same distance?
00:24:48.000 I guess so. 0.99
00:24:48.000 It's pretty close to your balls. 0.99
00:24:49.000 I hear people talking about having a laptop on your lap. 1.00
00:24:53.000 It's so close to your balls and all your shit. 1.00
00:24:55.000 I can imagine some kind of... 1.00
00:24:57.000 The laptop, though, it's heat.
00:24:59.000 It's the battery.
00:25:00.000 I use that for it as a form of birth control right now.
00:25:02.000 Do you? 1.00
00:25:02.000 Kill your balls? 1.00
00:25:03.000 Yeah, I do it on purpose. 1.00
00:25:04.000 Torture those little faggots. 1.00
00:25:05.000 Oops, I said it. 1.00
00:25:06.000 It tricked me.
00:25:07.000 It tricked me.
00:25:08.000 It tricked me to put it in my head.
00:25:10.000 I'm Canadian.
00:25:10.000 We don't have that word in Canada.
00:25:12.000 Well, it shouldn't be in America either.
00:25:13.000 I mean, not that it shouldn't be said.
00:25:15.000 It just shouldn't be a word that has all this power, especially a good, juicy one.
00:25:18.000 Jamie Kilstein told me he retired it recently, too.
00:25:21.000 Really?
00:25:21.000 Every time you accidentally say it, you should do something like you have to buy an Elton John CD or you have to buy...
00:25:26.000 You know what I mean?
00:25:27.000 You have to watch one episode of Ellen.
00:25:29.000 I have to watch a full George Michael video.
00:25:31.000 Yeah, you have to give something back.
00:25:33.000 I love that Freedom song, man.
00:25:35.000 Remember that time we sang it on the podcast?
00:25:36.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:25:37.000 That's a great goddamn jam. 0.99
00:25:38.000 Remember when I sang it in the hot tub? 0.99
00:25:39.000 No.
00:25:40.000 I blocked that out, Brian. 1.00
00:25:42.000 Shut up. 1.00
00:25:43.000 Shut up, Brian. 1.00
00:25:45.000 What the fuck, bro? 1.00
00:25:47.000 So are you touring? 1.00
00:25:49.000 Do you do...
00:25:50.000 Yeah, I mean, I've been touring quite a bit for the past two years.
00:25:53.000 I took a little break because I wanted to write some stuff and do some more of the internet stuff.
00:25:57.000 But when you do it, do you do it like go out for a weekend, come back?
00:26:00.000 Yeah, I started doing that.
00:26:02.000 I have Minneapolis.
00:26:05.000 I'm so bad.
00:26:06.000 I don't even know my dates.
00:26:07.000 But I'd like to have some Minneapolis and like March or April.
00:26:11.000 What's your website?
00:26:13.000 Yeah, let's check out the website.
00:26:15.000 He's got a cool website.
00:26:16.000 Michael Keaton's on it.
00:26:17.000 Yeah, it's johnlejoie.com. 1.00
00:26:20.000 And spell that motherfucker. 1.00
00:26:22.000 Yeah, good luck. 1.00
00:26:22.000 J-O-N-L-A-J-O-I-E. Or just go to, like, YouTube and, like, Google, like, and just search showing genitals. 1.00
00:26:29.000 I'm sorry, go ahead.
00:26:30.000 Have you ever thought about just changing your last name, like, John L.A. or something?
00:26:33.000 Yeah.
00:26:34.000 Johnny L.A. Like, Kevin James had to do that.
00:26:36.000 His last name was Nipfing.
00:26:38.000 Really?
00:26:39.000 Yeah, it was really tricky.
00:26:39.000 And him and his brother Gary.
00:26:41.000 And Gary picked Valentine and Kevin picked James because it was the name of his old Kung Fu instructor.
00:26:46.000 My last name's not Red Band.
00:26:50.000 Where did Red Band come from?
00:26:52.000 The movie trailers, when you see a movie.
00:26:54.000 Oh, the Red Band trailer.
00:26:56.000 I used to be a projectionist most of my life.
00:26:58.000 I like his videos.
00:27:00.000 They're really good.
00:27:02.000 We've got to figure out how to make money with it.
00:27:04.000 Anybody out there with a suggestion, keep it to yourself, freaks, because I don't know you. 0.98
00:27:08.000 Porn stars? 0.98
00:27:09.000 Porn stars is the way to go? 0.99
00:27:11.000 Comedy porn? 1.00
00:27:11.000 Comedy porn. 1.00
00:27:13.000 Yeah, making money on the internet. 0.96
00:27:14.000 That's what Brian needs. 0.99
00:27:15.000 Brian needs more porn stars in his life. 0.99
00:27:16.000 For sure. 0.99
00:27:17.000 I know.
00:27:18.000 How do you get into the porn circle? 0.69
00:27:20.000 Oh, he's deep.
00:27:20.000 It's really easy.
00:27:21.000 You went into a podcast?
00:27:23.000 Is that all it takes?
00:27:25.000 Go to my house. 0.99
00:27:26.000 We'll have a podcast and you can interview a porn star from behind. 0.99
00:27:30.000 Jesus. 1.00
00:27:30.000 Get deep in the crazy, son. 1.00
00:27:32.000 Now, do you write all your stuff yourself?
00:27:34.000 And, like, do you just sit there and think of a good idea?
00:27:36.000 And, I mean, did you start off, like, doing, like, you know, just using a cell phone camera, playing around?
00:27:41.000 What it was was, like, I was, I went to theater school in Montreal, then I graduated, and I got a role on this French-language TV show, which, it was, you know, it was cool.
00:27:51.000 It was great.
00:27:52.000 I appreciate it.
00:27:52.000 It's a great job and everything, but it wasn't really what I wanted to do, you By the way, how much does it help with chicks being bilingual and the other languages?
00:27:59.000 French! 0.98
00:28:00.000 Suck! 1.00
00:28:02.000 You must seem so sophisticated, especially if you know something about wine. 1.00
00:28:07.000 That's all you need.
00:28:08.000 I mean, so many girls, you just tripped them so quickly. 0.98
00:28:11.000 Dude, you can know nothing about wine. 1.00
00:28:12.000 All you'd have to do is just start talking about the area of France where these grapes are grown, and that bitch should get all moist on you. 1.00
00:28:18.000 Oh, Jean Lajoie. 0.99
00:28:20.000 Oh, Jean Lajoie.
00:28:22.000 Yeah, no, it helps a little bit.
00:28:24.000 But it's weird in Montreal, like, if you don't, like, being an English dude in Montreal and on a French show, like, chicks like me because I had the English, the English side.
00:28:33.000 Oh, so the French chicks like you because you spoke English as well. 1.00
00:28:36.000 Yeah, and then out here, it's kind of like, oh, really?
00:28:39.000 You're the The French thing is cool.
00:28:40.000 I thought you guys didn't like French people. 0.99
00:28:42.000 What's all that freedom fry shit? 0.99
00:28:44.000 Well, French Montreal is okay. 1.00
00:28:45.000 France is a different animal. 0.66
00:28:48.000 We don't like that.
00:28:50.000 No one likes it.
00:28:51.000 We don't even like French fries anymore, bro.
00:28:53.000 It's freedom fries.
00:28:54.000 Ratatouille all the way.
00:28:54.000 So you were on this show, so you were on this French-speaking show, and you speak fluent French as well as English?
00:29:00.000 Yes.
00:29:00.000 Well, not as well as English.
00:29:02.000 My dad's French-Canadian, so...
00:29:04.000 Is there a different...
00:29:05.000 I mean, the language is structured different.
00:29:08.000 Is comedy structured different when you do it?
00:29:11.000 Yeah, I don't really do comedy in French.
00:29:13.000 It's a completely different beast.
00:29:15.000 They have a bunch in Montreal.
00:29:17.000 In Montreal, when they do the Just Full House Festival, they'll have all these guys speaking in France.
00:29:22.000 It's really weird.
00:29:23.000 And they have super stars in French Canada.
00:29:26.000 Huge, that people have never heard of.
00:29:28.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:29:28.000 Just to give you an example, there are 7 million or 8 million people in Quebec.
00:29:32.000 The show that I was on had 1.2 million people watching it every week.
00:29:38.000 On The League, that's what we get that's broadcast all over the United States.
00:29:43.000 They're very supportive of their culture, and they consume Quebecois culture, and they have huge comedy stars.
00:29:51.000 That's why they want their own country, because it's like a little country on its own.
00:29:55.000 On the French side, the English side is like English Canada anywhere else.
00:30:00.000 Quebec is a very strange area in and of itself that they want to separate from the rest of Canada.
00:30:06.000 It's like a constant issue.
00:30:08.000 What's that about?
00:30:10.000 Well, I mean, it goes way back, but it's basically, you know, New France became, like, the English beat the French, and then, like, you had all this huge French population, and now it was English territory, and they were kind of, like, lax enough to go, okay, you can keep practicing your Catholicism and your things, we'll let you alone, but you're, you know, this is the British Empire, da-da-da. 0.77
00:30:34.000 But they kind of...
00:30:38.000 Yeah, I think.
00:30:52.000 Like, signs have to be more French than, larger in French than in English.
00:30:57.000 Like, a lot of things like that.
00:30:58.000 That are very controversial.
00:31:01.000 Equal rights, right?
00:31:02.000 Well, it's just that you have to have, it has to be in French at all. 0.98
00:31:07.000 Like, you can go to Chinatown and there's some shit that has nothing in English on it. 0.97
00:31:10.000 And that's okay, right? 0.99
00:31:11.000 Right. 1.00
00:31:11.000 Yeah, I don't feel sad to fuck. 1.00
00:31:14.000 It's ridiculous. 1.00
00:31:16.000 No, I know. 0.88
00:31:17.000 It's very controversial.
00:31:18.000 But there are many things that they're trying to protect.
00:31:20.000 Because the fear is basically that 100 years down the road...
00:31:24.000 The French culture is going to go away. 1.00
00:31:26.000 But I mean, you know, things change.
00:31:27.000 Guess what, man?
00:31:28.000 What are we going to do once we start reading minds and we can travel through time? 1.00
00:31:32.000 Are we still going to have to talk French, you fuck? 1.00
00:31:34.000 Is it that important, goddammit? 1.00
00:31:36.000 You're slowing down evolution, cunty. 0.99
00:31:38.000 If the language dies, it dies, man. 0.99
00:31:40.000 Isn't what you mean...
00:31:43.000 That's what's supposed to be important, right?
00:31:45.000 Your intent. 0.99
00:31:45.000 The way you fucking say it. 0.99
00:31:49.000 Language is neutral. 0.99
00:31:50.000 They don't want their language to evolve.
00:31:52.000 If it gets absorbed, it gets evolved.
00:31:55.000 That's what happens.
00:31:55.000 Sorry.
00:31:56.000 Doesn't mean it's bad.
00:31:57.000 No, I'm not.
00:31:59.000 Right, Brian? 0.97
00:32:00.000 Goddammit? 0.99
00:32:00.000 I'm going to get shit for this a little bit. 0.99
00:32:03.000 From the French? 0.99
00:32:04.000 I'll just go, I'm not going to.
00:32:05.000 No, because I know.
00:32:07.000 How important it is?
00:32:08.000 Especially artists on the French side, I've worked with quite a bit on that TV show.
00:32:12.000 Most of them are sovereignists or separatists.
00:32:15.000 Because they probably know they wouldn't survive if the full country could hear them.
00:32:19.000 They want to stay in one area and only speak French.
00:32:23.000 I'm going to stay neutral on this topic.
00:32:27.000 Listen, I love Montreal and I love French Canada.
00:32:28.000 Don't get me wrong.
00:32:29.000 That's not what I'm saying.
00:32:30.000 As a human being, I don't like getting attached to anything, man.
00:32:35.000 Especially getting attached to the way you say things in certain languages. 0.99
00:32:38.000 Who gives a fuck? 0.99
00:32:39.000 And everybody's like, someone said that to me, man. 1.00
00:32:41.000 You're not careful, man. 0.99
00:32:42.000 Fucking English is going to be a second language and everybody's going to speak Spanish first. 1.00
00:32:46.000 I go, well, then I'll learn Spanish, you fucking dummy. 1.00
00:32:49.000 Guess what? 1.00
00:32:49.000 Guess what, stupid? 1.00
00:32:50.000 It's not going to happen within my lifetime. 1.00
00:32:52.000 And if I grew up learning Spanish instead of English, does that really make a difference, goddammit? 1.00
00:32:56.000 Of course it doesn't, you fucking stooge. 0.99
00:32:59.000 What you're thinking is what's important. 1.00
00:33:01.000 It's not what language you think it in. 1.00
00:33:03.000 That's dumb. 0.97
00:33:04.000 It's better if we all have one language. 1.00
00:33:05.000 Let's get rid of...
00:33:06.000 I mean, we got rid of Latin, okay? 1.00
00:33:08.000 Can't we get rid of Chinese? 1.00
00:33:09.000 Let's do this. 1.00
00:33:10.000 Kick that shit out. 1.00
00:33:11.000 You guys know how to say English things. 1.00
00:33:13.000 I don't think Chinese is going anywhere.
00:33:14.000 Come on. 0.54
00:33:14.000 Get rid of it. 0.54
00:33:16.000 The ultimate of a president got into office. 0.99
00:33:18.000 It's like, first of all, everybody's got to fucking learn English. 0.99
00:33:21.000 Done. 0.98
00:33:22.000 You want to really communicate?
00:33:23.000 It's real simple.
00:33:25.000 Learn English.
00:33:26.000 We won't bomb you.
00:33:27.000 You learn English.
00:33:28.000 Is that a deal? 1.00
00:33:29.000 The fuck? 1.00
00:33:30.000 Is it so hard? 1.00
00:33:31.000 And no secret languages. 0.98
00:33:33.000 Kill all your other languages. 1.00
00:33:34.000 Because I don't want you to be saying some shit that I don't understand. 1.00
00:33:37.000 Okay? 0.99
00:33:37.000 When I was 17, I was on spring break. 0.99
00:33:40.000 But there's probably a lot of dudes that are listening to that going, Well, fuck yeah, man. 1.00
00:33:45.000 He's got a fucking good point. 1.00
00:33:47.000 We do have all the bombs. 1.00
00:33:49.000 Fuck all those brown queers. 1.00
00:33:53.000 All those brown queers in Quebec speaking French. 1.00
00:33:56.000 All over the world.
00:33:57.000 All of them, anyway. 1.00
00:33:59.000 Fuck even English if the Spanish win. 1.00
00:34:00.000 I'm on the Spanish side. 1.00
00:34:01.000 I'm on whoever's winning. 0.98
00:34:02.000 I'm with evolution, goddammit. 1.00
00:34:04.000 If Mexico comes over and takes over America, well, I guess we should have made cocaine legal, you fuck. 1.00
00:34:09.000 Look what you did, stupid. 1.00
00:34:10.000 The fucking Mexican gangsters take over the country. 1.00
00:34:13.000 They realize how soft we are. 1.00
00:34:15.000 We're creating a whole nation of savage killers down there. 1.00
00:34:18.000 Have you seen those video footages from LiveLeak where the 12-year-old hitmen are fucking torturing people before they kill them? 1.00
00:34:24.000 Yo, I mean, that's right there. 0.99
00:34:27.000 You can drive there.
00:34:28.000 This is nuts.
00:34:29.000 The fact that we're not dealing with that. 1.00
00:34:30.000 We shouldn't be in fucking Afghanistan. 0.99
00:34:32.000 It takes like 12 hours to get there on a plane. 1.00
00:34:35.000 We shouldn't be right next door where everyone's crazy, they're cutting people's fucking heads off and selling coke. 1.00
00:34:42.000 God damn, motherfuckers! 1.00
00:34:44.000 How about on Hollywood fucking Boulevard? 1.00
00:34:46.000 The Mexicans are mad at me. 1.00
00:34:48.000 The French Canadians are mad at me. 1.00
00:34:50.000 I'm trying to piss off everybody today. 0.79
00:34:52.000 Okay, who haven't you? 0.99
00:34:53.000 Are they gay? 1.00
00:34:54.000 I already said faggot. 1.00
00:34:55.000 Yeah, dude, so they're mad at me too. 1.00
00:34:57.000 Everyone's on Verizon.
00:34:58.000 French Canadians, you know I love you.
00:34:59.000 I love you and I love your poutine.
00:35:01.000 I love the comedy works in Montreal, that little club.
00:35:04.000 I did it last time I was in Montreal.
00:35:05.000 It's a great little club. 0.99
00:35:05.000 Fucking great, man. 0.99
00:35:07.000 You know, Montreal always confused me because I lived in Boston and I had this cold weather douchebag theory. 0.99
00:35:14.000 I was like, well, the reason why Boston people are so douchey is because it's cold as fuck up there and you get angry like six months out of here. 0.95
00:35:21.000 You know, mass holes, we call them. 0.98
00:35:23.000 And, you know, but I was like, but wait a minute.
00:35:25.000 I go up to Montreal.
00:35:26.000 It's, you know, three hours north or more, right?
00:35:29.000 Like, more driving.
00:35:30.000 Isn't it like four hours north?
00:35:31.000 It's like four hours from Boston. 0.99
00:35:32.000 Four fucking hours in a car north of Boston. 1.00
00:35:35.000 And the people are cool as fuck. 1.00
00:35:36.000 And it's like a European city. 0.99
00:35:38.000 It's more sophisticated.
00:35:39.000 It's like the culture's totally different.
00:35:42.000 The women are so much nicer. 1.00
00:35:43.000 You know?
00:35:44.000 It's weird, man.
00:35:45.000 It's a weird, weird thing.
00:35:47.000 Yeah.
00:35:47.000 And also, we're very polite.
00:35:48.000 So we kind of hide that shit. 1.00
00:35:50.000 Like, you guys are just like, fuck you. 1.00
00:35:51.000 And we're like... 1.00
00:35:52.000 Fuck this guy. 1.00
00:35:55.000 Yeah, but fuck this guy's way nicer to be around. 1.00
00:35:57.000 Keep it together, shithead. 1.00
00:35:59.000 No, you guys, Boston, everyone from 18 to 20, everyone's always up in Montreal just partying. 1.00
00:36:06.000 I still don't understand 21 to drink.
00:36:10.000 It's good.
00:36:10.000 It's good because it makes it harder for people to get into bars that shouldn't be in bars.
00:36:14.000 And it's good because they don't know how to not drink and drive yet. 1.00
00:36:18.000 That's the scariest shit to me. 1.00
00:36:18.000 They just got the license. 1.00
00:36:20.000 The scariest shit to me is kids that don't know how to drive and they're drinking. 1.00
00:36:23.000 I've seen stupid shit, man. 1.00
00:36:26.000 I've seen people, rear-end people. 1.00
00:36:28.000 I've seen many things.
00:36:29.000 I think it's a good thing.
00:36:30.000 I think they shouldn't be able to drive until they're 21. I shouldn't have been able to drive, but the problem is you have to work.
00:36:34.000 So you've got to let them drive at 18 or 17 or whatever the fuck it is. 0.99
00:36:37.000 I saw some fucking kid down the street the other day in his mom's Lexus. 1.00
00:36:41.000 It was a big Lexus truck and SUV. He couldn't have been more than 15, 16 years old. 1.00
00:36:45.000 And this kid was fucking riding my ass and weaving through traffic and cutting lanes off and going way over the speed limit. 1.00
00:36:52.000 I'm like, kid, you don't know how to drive yet. 1.00
00:36:54.000 You're taking a big chance with a large vehicle that doesn't stop well.
00:36:58.000 It doesn't turn well at all.
00:37:00.000 They're giant trucks. 1.00
00:37:01.000 And this fucking kid is driving like he's doing Formula One racing. 1.00
00:37:05.000 Scary as shit. 1.00
00:37:06.000 He got away with it. 1.00
00:37:08.000 I mean, he got home.
00:37:08.000 He didn't die.
00:37:09.000 But something could have happened easily. 1.00
00:37:11.000 Someone could have fucked up. 0.99
00:37:12.000 Someone could have ran off a curb. 1.00
00:37:14.000 He could have had to make a split-second move, and it would have been a wrap.
00:37:17.000 Well, you think about it.
00:37:18.000 At 15, 16 years old, I was retarded. 0.99
00:37:21.000 Totally retarded. 1.00
00:37:22.000 Like an idiot. 1.00
00:37:24.000 And to be behind the wheel controlling this huge hunk of metal, like around thousands of people, yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. 1.00
00:37:33.000 It's funny, this has been a topic of conversation recently, even on my message board, about people that were like 20. When I was 20, I was retarded.
00:37:41.000 Like, you know, don't tell me what the fuck is going on when you're 20. I don't want to hear you talk about, you know, what's wrong with the world when you're 20. And a lot of people are like, you know, back in the fucking middle ages, you know, 20 was middle-aged. 0.99
00:37:55.000 Don't discount my opinion because I'm 20 years old. 0.97
00:37:58.000 I totally agree with that.
00:37:59.000 Do you have 10 kids and have you killed 15 people?
00:38:02.000 No, you're not the same person. 0.87
00:38:06.000 You're playing World of Warcraft in your mom's basement.
00:38:08.000 You're not the same 20 year old.
00:38:09.000 And it's not to undervalue your opinion or your observations.
00:38:13.000 You might be very intelligent.
00:38:14.000 You might have some observations that are very valid.
00:38:17.000 It's not saying that.
00:38:18.000 It's just that the fact that you're even confident enough to want people to listen to your opinion at 20 shows me you're on the wrong road.
00:38:26.000 Stop being cocky.
00:38:27.000 You should be just asking questions and looking around.
00:38:31.000 Just jumping in and trying to force your opinions on when you're 20. You don't really know that much.
00:38:36.000 You might have some information, but man, you look back on what you were like when you were 20. There's no 20-year-old that is going to be able to stand on television with a microphone and tell the world what needs to be fixed.
00:38:46.000 Just fucking stop, dude. 0.99
00:38:48.000 It's a developmental cycle. 1.00
00:38:49.000 You're very confident.
00:38:50.000 You're very intelligent.
00:38:51.000 Congratulations.
00:38:52.000 But don't get ahead of yourself.
00:38:54.000 Yeah, of course. 1.00
00:38:55.000 When I was 20, I was fucking dumb. 0.99
00:38:56.000 But I thought I was smart. 0.99
00:38:57.000 And I was right about a lot of things.
00:38:59.000 I had a good point of view. 1.00
00:39:00.000 But still, you're just fucking spastic. 1.00
00:39:03.000 You're just like that 15-year-old kid driving that truck. 1.00
00:39:05.000 You don't know what the fuck you're doing. 1.00
00:39:06.000 You're slamming into walls and shit. 1.00
00:39:08.000 You don't know how to use the brakes. 1.00
00:39:09.000 I have once in a while, I have to check in with early 20s, John.
00:39:13.000 I mean, morally.
00:39:14.000 Because I was so like, oh, this.
00:39:16.000 I'm reading.
00:39:17.000 And I'm still very curious.
00:39:19.000 But at early 20s, I thought I figured it out.
00:39:22.000 My moral code.
00:39:23.000 And I was so like, we're going to do this.
00:39:26.000 Oh, I don't know.
00:39:27.000 I was very much...
00:39:28.000 I was like a vegan for a while.
00:39:30.000 Oh, really?
00:39:30.000 Yeah, but like...
00:39:31.000 I know, I know.
00:39:32.000 But that took me a little while to go, okay, no, because I was reading a lot.
00:39:37.000 Like, I'm trying to figure out what is a right decision, what is a wrong decision.
00:39:41.000 Like, everything's figuring it out.
00:39:42.000 Sure.
00:39:43.000 And that was part...
00:39:44.000 Now, like, I'm totally in a different...
00:39:46.000 Completely different person.
00:39:47.000 But in my early 20s, everything was an important moral decision.
00:39:50.000 And my parents are really Pentecostal, really religious, very good people, but very religious people.
00:39:58.000 So I kind of have that baggage where I'm trying to... 0.97
00:40:01.000 You know doing good is like what makes my parents proud and as opposed to like oh I have all these fans and stuff like if I do something like really nice or something like that that's when my parents are really proud of me right like I kind of have this thing so I was trying to figure like and now you know you know I'm 30 and like I'm living in LA and you know like I have a bit of success and so once in a while I have to go okay early 20s John Am I being an asshole right now? 0.87
00:40:28.000 And am I being a good person? 0.51
00:40:29.000 What do you think? 1.00
00:40:30.000 And a lot of the time he's like, fuck you, asshole. 1.00
00:40:32.000 Don't talk to me. 1.00
00:40:33.000 Well, was early 20s John a radical, though?
00:40:35.000 Was he delusional?
00:40:37.000 No, no, no.
00:40:37.000 No, I'm still very close to who I was, but I was much more, I guess, rigid about things.
00:40:43.000 So there's more like...
00:40:44.000 I don't know.
00:40:45.000 When I'm shopping, I try to give my money where it's because buying is voting. 0.96
00:40:55.000 But back in the day, it's that early when you're figuring shit out. 0.98
00:40:59.000 You're like, I just read this book, Naomi Klein's, you know, whatever the fuck it was called. 0.97
00:41:05.000 And I'm like, okay, I get it. 0.96
00:41:07.000 And then, you know, you try to like...
00:41:08.000 I don't know.
00:41:09.000 Everything's kind of black and white when you realize you get older.
00:41:12.000 You're like, oh, it's just all gray.
00:41:14.000 And you try to figure it out.
00:41:15.000 You try to be a good person as much as you can and try to approach things with love and all that kind of stuff.
00:41:21.000 It's very tricky.
00:41:22.000 The eating of animals thing is a really very controversial subject.
00:41:26.000 And I know a lot of people that have a lot of different opinions of it.
00:41:29.000 And they're all very, very adamant about how they are.
00:41:33.000 The people who eat meat just really want to justify it.
00:41:35.000 And they get super aggressive about it. 0.98
00:41:37.000 And, you know, the people that don't, I mean, I've had some annoying motherfuckers on my message board that want to talk to me about eating animals. 0.99
00:41:44.000 Like, don't, dude. 1.00
00:41:45.000 Just try being, like, on and on and on, just trying to shove it in your throat. 1.00
00:41:48.000 Like, god damn, you annoying fuck. 1.00
00:41:49.000 You socially retarded dunce. 1.00
00:41:52.000 Whatever you're doing is going to make me not want to do it. 1.00
00:41:54.000 Do you not get that?
00:41:55.000 Yeah, of course. 0.99
00:41:55.000 When people, like, say annoying shit like that, I'm like, you're going to make a mistake. 0.99
00:41:59.000 You know, think of karma. 1.00
00:42:01.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:42:01.000 Think of kicking you in the dick, stupid. 1.00
00:42:03.000 Get away. 1.00
00:42:04.000 Get away with your nonsense. 1.00
00:42:05.000 Everyone hates those people. 1.00
00:42:06.000 Those beans are alive, you fuck. 1.00
00:42:08.000 Those beans you're eating, they're screaming as you bite down on them. 1.00
00:42:11.000 You boil them, they're dying in there.
00:42:13.000 They're rotting in boiling water. 1.00
00:42:15.000 That lettuce screams in agony as you rip it from its fucking mother. 1.00
00:42:19.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:42:21.000 That's life too, stupid. 1.00
00:42:22.000 It's like, why is animal life more important than plant life? 1.00
00:42:25.000 Because we're semi-related? 1.00
00:42:27.000 That's fucking stupid because you step on bugs all the time. 1.00
00:42:30.000 We're convenient shitheads, all right? 1.00
00:42:32.000 And the funniest thing is that eating meat and the animal proteins helped us develop and come to the point in our consciousness of where we are because it helped develop the brain rapidly, which is the funniest thing. 0.70
00:42:45.000 Well, that's actually a controversial theory.
00:42:47.000 Is it?
00:42:47.000 Yeah, because it doesn't work that way with other predators.
00:42:49.000 I mean, jaguars don't have big brains.
00:42:51.000 And by the way, that theory, I believe, was formulated before they realized how many monkeys chimpanzees eat. 0.98
00:43:01.000 They didn't realize how fucking ruthless and violent chimps really were until they started doing some studies. 0.82
00:43:08.000 I forget the guy's name who ran the show. 0.99
00:43:12.000 It was like a BBC show.
00:43:13.000 But he was the first one to get footage of chimps eating monkeys, and I think that was in the 90s.
00:43:18.000 So I think these ideas that they had about that, there's two other theories.
00:43:22.000 One of them is a throwing arm, and that when people develop the ability to throw things, that that sort of kicked off our evolution, because we started killing things that were far away from us.
00:43:34.000 We started getting better at hunting, and we thrived, and as we thrived, we got a little bit more confidence, and we started thinking about things more. 0.84
00:43:41.000 It's like the more calm you can get, the more control over your environment, the more you have free time to think about shit, because you're not always fighting off jaguars and all these different things. 0.92
00:43:50.000 So we figured out how to do things like throw spears, throw rocks. 0.98
00:43:54.000 That's one theory.
00:43:55.000 That's another theory.
00:43:55.000 The other one is psychedelics.
00:43:57.000 The other one is psychedelic mushrooms.
00:43:59.000 And that's the most controversial one, but really the most fascinating one.
00:44:02.000 And it's Terence McKenna's stoned ape theory.
00:44:05.000 And this theory is that somewhere along the line, and this is the undisputable fact, somewhere along the line, the human brain size doubled over a period of two million years.
00:44:14.000 And that is, in the entire fossil record, the most confusing thing.
00:44:18.000 More than anything.
00:44:19.000 They're like, well, how does this happen?
00:44:21.000 It's weird for any organ to grow double the size.
00:44:24.000 But the most spectacular organ as far as creating things on the planet is in no question the brain.
00:44:30.000 The human brain.
00:44:31.000 We alter our environment.
00:44:32.000 We create nuclear bombs. 0.86
00:44:34.000 Beyond a doubt.
00:44:36.000 It all happens supposedly inside this area, and this area doubled in two years.
00:44:40.000 Well, it's coincidentally also the same time that the rainforest receded into grasslands, there was a climate change.
00:44:47.000 And Terence McKenna's theory is that monkeys were forced, or lower primates, were forced to come out of the trees and experiment with new food sources because the rainforests were gone.
00:44:57.000 And these animals that were in this once lush tropical environment had to adapt to this new environment.
00:45:02.000 And one of the things they did was there was a lot of cows that were eating the grass and they would flip over cow turds looking for bugs.
00:45:08.000 And that's the best place for Cubensis mushrooms to grow. 0.99
00:45:11.000 So these Cubensis mushrooms would You grow in this cow shit and these chips and whatever the fuck they were, lower primates, Australopithecus, whatever the fuck it was, they would eat these mushrooms. 0.99
00:45:20.000 And the idea is twofold. 0.99
00:45:22.000 One, that there was a direct increase in their ability to see things.
00:45:27.000 Because when you eat psilocybin, especially in low doses, it increases your visual acuity.
00:45:31.000 And the other thing was that it would give them this sort of community-loving atmosphere, protecting atmosphere, and that would also aid in their less conflicts.
00:45:43.000 The less conflicts that they had would aid in their innovation, just like with the other thing.
00:45:48.000 Also, they would start having psychedelic experiences, and in large doses, these psychedelic experiences would slowly help them evolve much, much quicker and sort of figure things out that they maybe not have figured out.
00:46:00.000 And the idea, the really weird part of the idea, is that they think, and this is all McKenna and a few other psychos, they think that what mushrooms are is some sort of an alien intelligence that has come here from an asteroid.
00:46:13.000 Because the reason for that is there's no...
00:46:17.000 Like, there's nothing that can survive in a vacuum better than spores. 0.89
00:46:20.000 And we know that a bunch of shit has come here on asteroids from other planets like DNA or, excuse me, like amino acids and the building blocks for life and water. 0.95
00:46:31.000 Water comes on comets and asteroids. 0.98
00:46:33.000 And we know that spores can survive in a vacuum.
00:46:37.000 And the idea is that somewhere on some other planet, there was some type of a spore, and it came here on an asteroid, landed, and the way it communicates with people is you eat it.
00:46:50.000 And that this is what caused human beings to evolve out of monkeys.
00:46:54.000 I mean, it is one of those five-bong hit, stare at space, and think it through for like 10 hours. 0.98
00:47:00.000 At first, it sounds totally ridiculous that mushrooms are silly. 0.84
00:47:05.000 But if he's one scientist or whatever that thinks that... 0.80
00:47:10.000 Well, he's not even a scientist, really.
00:47:12.000 I mean, he was a scholar.
00:47:13.000 I mean, I don't know what...
00:47:14.000 He was the ethnobotanist, I think, was his chosen study.
00:47:17.000 So if you ask any of the other thousands of scientists that would know anything close to what he's talking about, wouldn't they think, all right, he's very high?
00:47:25.000 Yes, sure.
00:47:25.000 Well, first of all, you have to realize that as a scientist, first of all, getting behind anything that advocates a completely new direction in evolution and one based on psychedelic mushrooms, illegal drugs...
00:47:39.000 That's a tough fucking sell.
00:47:41.000 So most scientists would never choose that as a point of study. 0.99
00:47:45.000 Is it that or is it just like, no, come on.
00:47:47.000 It could be that.
00:47:48.000 It could be that too.
00:47:49.000 But it's also they discount the idea that mushrooms could be some sort of potential human evolution tool.
00:47:57.000 They discount that because it sounds ridiculous that an illegal drug could potentially aid in your evolution.
00:48:02.000 And most of them are ignorant of the experience itself. 0.99
00:48:06.000 I mean, maybe some of them are fucked around with it, had a little bit. 0.97
00:48:08.000 But to have a real full-blown psychedelic experience, I guarantee you, you wouldn't discredit it. 0.99
00:48:14.000 So what if these monkeys, instead of taking the cow turds, they took one bite and were like, ew, this is gross.
00:48:19.000 And they told their friends, don't eat this mushroom.
00:48:21.000 No, it's food, dude.
00:48:21.000 Come on, man.
00:48:22.000 They eat bugs.
00:48:22.000 They eat everything.
00:48:23.000 That's dumb. 1.00
00:48:24.000 That's dumb. 1.00
00:48:24.000 But if they don't eat those magic mushrooms, this whole theory makes no sense, right? 1.00
00:48:28.000 Right, but they do.
00:48:29.000 They've observed them eating mushrooms.
00:48:31.000 Back a long time ago?
00:48:33.000 No, monkeys now eat them.
00:48:35.000 You know, a lot of animals target psychedelic substances.
00:48:39.000 Like reindeer target the Amanita muscaria mushroom.
00:48:41.000 In Siberia, they're famous for it.
00:48:43.000 They knock people over to get the mushrooms. 0.99
00:48:46.000 They fucking love them. 1.00
00:48:47.000 My dog used to knock shit over to get to my weed, man. 1.00
00:48:51.000 Really? 0.99
00:48:52.000 Really?
00:48:52.000 Weed?
00:48:53.000 Wow, that's so crazy. 0.94
00:48:54.000 I'd smoke and I'd leave like little butts and he'd just go.
00:48:56.000 And I'd come back and be acting all weird and look in the ashtray.
00:49:00.000 It's just like all empty. 1.00
00:49:01.000 I'm like, motherfucker. 0.99
00:49:01.000 You know, this subject is a very controversial one because a lot of people have a very strong opinion against this idea. 0.99
00:49:11.000 And they're just like, that's ridiculous. 0.64
00:49:13.000 That doesn't make sense. 1.00
00:49:14.000 Think about what the fuck mushrooms do do to you. 0.99
00:49:18.000 If you've done it, if you've ever done it, you know what they do to you. 0.99
00:49:21.000 It's fun. 0.99
00:49:21.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.99
00:49:23.000 Beyond description, your whole world changes. 0.99
00:49:26.000 Everything around you becomes interlocking geometric patterns that you can see through to infinity.
00:49:32.000 Just that experience itself. 0.99
00:49:34.000 What the fuck is happening? 0.94
00:49:35.000 Why is it so powerful and why it's so unanimously positive? 0.99
00:49:41.000 Why does it do that to your mind?
00:49:43.000 What's going on?
00:49:44.000 If it is an agent of evolution, you're not being poisoned. 0.98
00:49:48.000 The LD50 rate for psilocybin mushrooms is like fucking 50 pounds or something. 0.99
00:49:53.000 That's like what you have to eat to kill half the people. 1.00
00:49:55.000 It's ridiculous. 1.00
00:49:56.000 It's like you can't die from it. 1.00
00:49:57.000 We're talking about like hundreds of times more than the effective dose it would take to kill you. 1.00
00:50:02.000 You'd have to be a total idiot to die from mushrooms. 1.00
00:50:04.000 And you'd just probably throw up anyway. 1.00
00:50:08.000 I don't think anybody's ever died.
00:50:09.000 Unless there's some toxic mold that was on it, which is very common in mushrooms. 0.98
00:50:13.000 Or not only that, mushrooms that look like psilocybin mushrooms, but there's some other fucking one that completely jacks your system. 0.97
00:50:19.000 But that's the problem with anything. 0.94
00:50:20.000 You could say, yeah, there's no mold on these mushrooms, you're not going to die, and there could be mold on those mushrooms.
00:50:24.000 Well, guess what, dude?
00:50:25.000 You're supposed to be buying, or not buying, you're supposed to be eating them right out of the ground.
00:50:28.000 They're supposed to be legal.
00:50:29.000 This is all a subject of what we're doing to food.
00:50:35.000 We don't let anybody grow their own mushrooms. 0.94
00:50:39.000 It's fucking really hard to get, too. 0.83
00:50:41.000 So you don't know who's handling it and how the guy's growing it. 0.95
00:50:43.000 If you had it yourself, it was legal. 0.99
00:50:45.000 You could have it in your goddamn backyard or in your basement. 0.99
00:50:47.000 You could grow a whole shelf of mushrooms. 1.00
00:50:49.000 It's easy as fuck. 0.98
00:50:50.000 I got a dude who's got mushrooms out here. 0.99
00:50:54.000 Back home, I used to have a reliable source where it didn't kill me and it was awesome.
00:50:58.000 But it's so weird when it's not controlled.
00:51:02.000 Not only that, dude.
00:51:04.000 He's selling something illegal and that's where it gets tricky.
00:51:07.000 The real problem with illegal drugs is that you've got to talk to people to get them.
00:51:11.000 That's the deal with some dude and he wants to sell you mushrooms.
00:51:16.000 Come on, man.
00:51:16.000 Who is this guy?
00:51:17.000 You're selling mushrooms?
00:51:18.000 Where are you at in your life that you're selling mushrooms? 0.99
00:51:21.000 How crazy are you? 0.99
00:51:22.000 Are you wearing a wire? 1.00
00:51:23.000 Get the fuck over here. 1.00
00:51:26.000 That's the problem. 0.99
00:51:28.000 You shouldn't have to deal with some person who's willing to break the law. 0.99
00:51:31.000 What it should be is there's no fucking law. 0.96
00:51:33.000 And by the way, there's a lot of cool people who sell mushrooms. 0.99
00:51:35.000 Don't get me wrong.
00:51:37.000 I'm just teasing.
00:51:38.000 But what I'm saying is valid in a lot of cases, man.
00:51:40.000 I remember the guy, we used to deal with this dude named Jake the Snake.
00:51:43.000 That's how he used to get weed before I got a medical card. 1.00
00:51:46.000 This motherfucker was so annoying. 1.00
00:51:47.000 He was so annoying that Eddie Bravo had to choke him out like three times. 1.00
00:51:50.000 He couldn't believe that Eddie could choke him out. 1.00
00:51:52.000 He's like, man, if it's a real fight, dude, I'd kick your ass. 1.00
00:51:54.000 And so Eddie's like, come on, you act like an asshole. 1.00
00:51:57.000 And the guy's like, I'm telling you, man, that jujitsu shit ain't gonna work on me. 1.00
00:52:00.000 And Eddie's like, okay, let's go out in the yard and let's fight. 0.98
00:52:03.000 So Eddie takes him down, strangles him, puts him to sleep, wakes him up.
00:52:07.000 This didn't happen, man. 0.99
00:52:08.000 It didn't fucking happen. 1.00
00:52:09.000 That's bullshit. 1.00
00:52:09.000 You got lucky. 1.00
00:52:10.000 So they do it again.
00:52:11.000 Let's go again.
00:52:12.000 Let's go again.
00:52:12.000 Eddie takes him down, chokes him out, puts him to sleep.
00:52:15.000 Like, you fucking dummy. 1.00
00:52:16.000 That's a black belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu. 1.00
00:52:18.000 Like, really? 1.00
00:52:18.000 You think you're just tough enough to fight that shit off? 1.00
00:52:21.000 This is where we used to get our weed from. 1.00
00:52:23.000 It was so annoying. 1.00
00:52:24.000 This guy was so dumb. 1.00
00:52:26.000 He was like a dude whose half his head was made of cardboard. 1.00
00:52:28.000 It was just like there's something in there that's dulling your electrical circuits.
00:52:31.000 It's like...
00:52:33.000 This wet cardboard is leaking on the circuitry. 0.99
00:52:36.000 This whole fucking thing is shorting out. 1.00
00:52:37.000 He was just dumb. 1.00
00:52:38.000 This motherfucker sold weed. 1.00
00:52:40.000 Yeah, that was his name. 1.00
00:52:41.000 Jake the Snake. 0.99
00:52:43.000 He's such a knucklehead. 0.96
00:52:45.000 The monkeys and mushrooms. 0.99
00:52:47.000 It's very possible, man.
00:52:49.000 I find it way harder for me to go, I believe in something, than for me to not dis... 1.00
00:52:55.000 Whoa, fuck. 0.99
00:52:56.000 I just lost my... 1.00
00:52:56.000 I know what you're saying. 1.00
00:52:57.000 But, like, I remain... 0.99
00:52:58.000 To remain open, like, dude, it's just the fuck that we're... 0.99
00:53:02.000 We used to be bacteria on this rock, and now we're sitting here talking with headphones about shit on computers. 1.00
00:53:09.000 That's fucking weird. 0.99
00:53:10.000 So you go, oh, maybe that happened. 0.99
00:53:13.000 Yeah, maybe it did happen.
00:53:14.000 I'm not going to disbelieve.
00:53:15.000 But for me to go, for sure this thing happened, that's harder to do.
00:53:18.000 My point exactly.
00:53:20.000 I love that you just said that.
00:53:21.000 I always say the exact same thing when it comes to UFOs and stuff.
00:53:24.000 And I'm like, why do you want to believe?
00:53:26.000 Do you have personal experience with a UFO? You've been taken aboard.
00:53:29.000 How do you not know that all these people are crazy? 0.99
00:53:31.000 Because I know a lot of crazy people, man. 1.00
00:53:33.000 People are full of shit. 1.00
00:53:34.000 They lie a lot. 1.00
00:53:35.000 You have to always keep that.
00:53:36.000 Brian always says it best.
00:53:37.000 You always got to keep...
00:53:38.000 What do you say?
00:53:39.000 You always got to keep all doors open.
00:53:41.000 What do you say?
00:53:42.000 What?
00:53:43.000 We were talking about this once before, when it was about UFOs.
00:53:45.000 Oh, keep everything on the table.
00:53:47.000 Oh, keep everything, yeah.
00:53:48.000 Keep everything on the table.
00:53:49.000 Right.
00:53:50.000 Don't just commit to one thing or the other, man.
00:53:52.000 Yeah, right. 1.00
00:53:53.000 When you're speaking about life, and this is, I mean, think about, this is the nuttiest fucking shit ever. 0.99
00:53:58.000 There's a new study that they found, and that life today resembles life of a billion years ago. 0.99
00:54:06.000 Or cancer today, rather, resembles life of a billion years ago.
00:54:10.000 Yeah, I saw that.
00:54:10.000 That's weird.
00:54:10.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:54:11.000 Yeah, I'm going to try to find the...
00:54:13.000 It's very scary.
00:54:14.000 Because what it implies is that, you know, what we came out of, we came out of...
00:54:18.000 Here it is, right here.
00:54:19.000 Here's the article.
00:54:20.000 Life resemble...
00:54:21.000 Cancer cells resembled life one billion years ago.
00:54:24.000 And they have all these comparisons and, you know, this is all like some serious scientific study. 0.91
00:54:29.000 About the origins of life and the origins of cancer and the idea, and this is where it could be completely insane, but the idea is if human life becomes so fucked up and chaotic and so unnatural and so polluted by chemicals and destroyed by ideology and nonsense and we just breed ourselves down to mush, this is the mush.
00:54:53.000 What this is, is this is what started life in the first place.
00:54:56.000 Life was just a series of fucking cells that grew out of control and became eventually human beings. 1.00
00:55:02.000 And for this shit to be growing inside of us at an ever-expanding rate constantly is like the primordial ooze trying to reclaim its creation. 1.00
00:55:12.000 This is the universal fucking etch-a-sketch and they're shaking it right now. 1.00
00:55:16.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:55:16.000 Wrap your fucking head around that, man. 1.00
00:55:18.000 That's what cancer is, man. 1.00
00:55:20.000 What cancer is is absolute proof positive that this is the wrong path and the universe is slowly swallowing the human race back up. 1.00
00:55:29.000 Wrap your shit around that, homie. 1.00
00:55:31.000 That's the universe's Noah's Ark. 1.00
00:55:34.000 Fuck, man. 1.00
00:55:35.000 You know, and we don't look at it that way. 1.00
00:55:38.000 I mean, we're obviously just learning this, but we don't look at it as being like something that could like be reversed that quickly.
00:55:44.000 But look at like, you know, they're talking about like cancer of like 10,000, 100,000 years ago.
00:55:50.000 The people didn't get cancer.
00:55:51.000 They didn't get cancer. 0.99
00:55:52.000 There's a lot of scientists that believe that all cancer is within the industrial age and previously before that, any exposure to chemicals and things, carcinogen shit, but that this shit doesn't really exist in nature. 0.99
00:56:04.000 And when you're eating a primate, what would you call it, a paleo diet of all vegetables and all clean animals that you kill, you're not getting introduced to any of the shit that creates cancer. 0.99
00:56:17.000 I don't know if that's right or not. 0.99
00:56:19.000 I mean, I don't know how the fuck they could ever prove it. 0.99
00:56:21.000 They would have to go back in time, you know, whatever, 100,000 years or whatever the fuck it was before people ever figured out how to fuck with chemicals. 0.99
00:56:26.000 What was that, 10,000 years ago? 0.98
00:56:28.000 Not even.
00:56:29.000 Probably only a couple.
00:56:30.000 Chemicals?
00:56:31.000 When was the first cancer?
00:56:33.000 When was the first cancer ever, you know, recorded? 1.00
00:56:37.000 Fuck. 0.99
00:56:37.000 It's a really interesting thing, man. 0.99
00:56:38.000 Yeah, it really is.
00:56:39.000 Let's just get crazy and let's give it a few thousand years.
00:56:42.000 Let's say the first cancer started like 2,000 years ago.
00:56:45.000 If that is the case, think about what a short period of time that is.
00:56:50.000 2,000 years to today and you compare how much more people have cancer now and how many more people are around now than before.
00:56:57.000 And constantly we're working on a cure for it.
00:56:59.000 We're going to figure it out.
00:57:00.000 We're going to figure it out.
00:57:01.000 It's like, whoa, what is this? 0.99
00:57:03.000 What the fuck is cancer? 0.99
00:57:06.000 It's life growing out of control. 1.00
00:57:08.000 This is the crazy thing about life growing out of control in cancer. 1.00
00:57:11.000 The way they kill it is they fucking poison the shit out of you. 1.00
00:57:15.000 They poison the shit out of you and they hope that this thing dies before the host does. 1.00
00:57:19.000 That's what chemotherapy is. 0.99
00:57:21.000 That's terrifying, man.
00:57:23.000 That's a terrifying notion. 1.00
00:57:25.000 It's like you have a parasite inside you, and we're going to slowly bring you to death's door, and hopefully it'll kill the parasite. 1.00
00:57:31.000 And then you get to, like, start eating oatmeal again and walking without a limp, and then as soon as that happens again, oh, your friend is back for another fucking round. 1.00
00:57:39.000 Oh. 0.99
00:57:39.000 He grabs ahold of you, tries to choke you and drag you to the ground. 0.99
00:57:42.000 My brother had Hodgkin's when he was like 14 years old.
00:57:46.000 Oh my God.
00:57:47.000 He had lumps and stuff.
00:57:48.000 He went to see a doctor.
00:57:49.000 First doctor he went to see, like, yeah, you're working out.
00:57:51.000 It's normal.
00:57:52.000 Something in your glands or whatever.
00:57:54.000 Oh, okay.
00:57:55.000 Go to the second doctor.
00:57:56.000 No, no, you have cancer.
00:57:58.000 Wow.
00:57:59.000 Yeah, no, he did the chemotherapy and everything.
00:58:01.000 He's fine.
00:58:02.000 What were the lumps like?
00:58:03.000 Dude, he had this huge lump right here.
00:58:05.000 Oh, like a Joey Diaz lump.
00:58:07.000 Well, that's what Dexter had.
00:58:09.000 What's his name?
00:58:10.000 Philip Michael Hall?
00:58:10.000 Michael C. Hall.
00:58:11.000 Michael C. Hall, is that his name?
00:58:12.000 Who's Philip Michael Hall?
00:58:13.000 The guy from the 80s movies.
00:58:16.000 The little blonde kid.
00:58:18.000 So yeah, it's a really common thing, right?
00:58:20.000 Yeah.
00:58:20.000 What do they think it's caused from?
00:58:22.000 Do they have any idea?
00:58:22.000 Is it genetic?
00:58:23.000 No idea, man.
00:58:24.000 I mean, it's the same time we grew up.
00:58:26.000 We're just eating.
00:58:27.000 I have a big family.
00:58:28.000 They're brothers and sisters.
00:58:30.000 So we'd eat hot dogs and hamburger helper.
00:58:33.000 You never know where it could come from.
00:58:36.000 It could come from anywhere.
00:58:37.000 It could be genetic and all that stuff.
00:58:39.000 My aunt died of the same thing when she was 24. Like, way back when she was young.
00:58:46.000 So it's somewhat in the genetics.
00:58:48.000 But at the same time, you never know.
00:58:49.000 Are you paranoid?
00:58:50.000 Do you go to the doctor like twice a year?
00:58:53.000 No, I don't go to the doctor probably for that reason.
00:58:56.000 I probably should do it.
00:58:57.000 Wow, that's terrifying.
00:58:58.000 Yeah.
00:58:59.000 No, it is.
00:58:59.000 Do you eat really healthy?
00:59:00.000 Yeah, I eat well.
00:59:01.000 I know a dude who eats really bad and he's got cancer right now. 1.00
00:59:04.000 Oh, fuck. 1.00
00:59:04.000 But he's got really pale skin and he's always out in the sun. 1.00
00:59:07.000 Apparently he's got some skin cancer.
00:59:09.000 Skin cancer, yeah.
00:59:09.000 And he eats terrible.
00:59:10.000 It's all mashed potatoes and fucking meatloaf and shit. 1.00
00:59:13.000 You know, no vitamins. 1.00
00:59:14.000 So homeboy's got to start eating like a serious, serious heavy green diet.
00:59:18.000 Very leafy, thick green vegetables.
00:59:19.000 Whenever I do that, man, whenever I get really heavily into like eating salads, like big salads every day, I really feel way better.
00:59:26.000 It's really amazing. 0.96
00:59:27.000 It's like most of our food is so fucking... 0.99
00:59:29.000 Dead. 0.99
00:59:30.000 You can get something.
00:59:33.000 There's something out of eating plants, out of eating live things.
00:59:35.000 You really do get something from it.
00:59:37.000 But the scary thing is you've got to get fresh and organic.
00:59:42.000 In Montreal, I just went back there last week.
00:59:45.000 It's a snowstorm.
00:59:46.000 Nothing fresh is growing there.
00:59:48.000 So everything's imported from all around the world. 0.99
00:59:51.000 If you're not getting organic and fresh, It's fresh, like the shit's been in a freezer, sitting in chemicals. 0.99
00:59:58.000 You gotta wash your lettuce. 0.99
00:59:59.000 My brother worked at a fruit and vegetable place.
01:00:02.000 He said they used to take the celery out.
01:00:04.000 You have to wear gloves when they'd unload it from the boxes and put it in the front because he'd get burns on his hands from the chemicals that were on the celery. 1.00
01:00:13.000 Think about that shit. 1.00
01:00:14.000 You're putting that in your body, man. 1.00
01:00:17.000 And how long do you have to wash the celery for that shit to get off? 1.00
01:00:20.000 How long would it take before he started getting burns? 1.00
01:00:23.000 Oh, he said you learn right away.
01:00:26.000 You handle it a bit and it's just the chemicals, especially on celery for some reason. 1.00
01:00:30.000 Fuck, I love celery, man. 0.99
01:00:31.000 I make celery juice all the time. 1.00
01:00:33.000 Well, if you get, once again, organic and fresh.
01:00:36.000 I do, but still. 0.99
01:00:37.000 I've heard a lot of organic is bullshit, too. 0.99
01:00:39.000 They label it as organic and it's not really organic. 0.98
01:00:42.000 What does organic stand for?
01:00:43.000 I mean, what is the actual definition of organic?
01:00:46.000 Does it mean no chemicals, no pesticides, no genetically modified?
01:00:50.000 I think that's what it's supposed to mean.
01:00:51.000 It's supposed to mean that. 0.99
01:00:52.000 But as we know, if you watch those documentaries like Food and Inc., the genetically modified, this shit flies all over the place. 1.00
01:01:00.000 That's nuts. 0.98
01:01:01.000 Well, that's what's really crazy about genetically modified crops is how they affect other farmers have gotten sued because the shit flew through the air and landed on their fields and they found these crops and they'll do a test on them and then these guys have to go to court and they want money from them. 1.00
01:01:18.000 It's the most evil shit ever. 1.00
01:01:20.000 Monsanto is one of the most evil corporations ever. 1.00
01:01:22.000 By the way, there was some fucking thing online about them buying Blackwater. 0.99
01:01:27.000 I don't know if they did. 0.99
01:01:29.000 I don't know if they did, but people were like, this is the end of the world.
01:01:33.000 This is the most evil organizations ever, and one's going to buy the other, and they're going to become one massive, super evil organization.
01:01:39.000 Could you imagine? 0.99
01:01:40.000 They want to fuck over the whole world. 0.99
01:01:42.000 They want to take over the food industry. 0.99
01:01:43.000 They want to make sure that people have to pay them for their crops.
01:01:46.000 You don't own your crops.
01:01:47.000 You don't own the seeds.
01:01:48.000 You can't replant the seeds.
01:01:49.000 And we got an army.
01:01:53.000 We got an army.
01:01:54.000 A private army that will do anything we tell them to do.
01:01:57.000 Yeah, I need to find out if that actually is still happening. 0.96
01:01:59.000 Or if it was bullshit or if they just hired him for something.
01:02:03.000 Yeah, there's this great French documentary, Life According to Monsanto, which is on Google. 0.95
01:02:08.000 Yeah, I watched it.
01:02:09.000 It's crazy.
01:02:10.000 What's the seed called?
01:02:11.000 The one that doesn't, you know, you have to keep buying it.
01:02:14.000 Yeah.
01:02:15.000 It's not the shotgun.
01:02:17.000 It's something like...
01:02:19.000 It's a seed that doesn't...
01:02:20.000 It's not a crop that will keep coming back.
01:02:23.000 You have to plant it every season. 1.00
01:02:25.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:02:27.000 I don't remember it. 1.00
01:02:27.000 The genetically modified seed that you have to just... 1.00
01:02:30.000 The farmers are at Monsanto's mercy because they can't just keep some of the crops and these things die every year.
01:02:37.000 Right, right.
01:02:37.000 So you have to keep buying from your dealer.
01:02:38.000 They've engineered them that way, right?
01:02:40.000 Yeah, they engineered the...
01:02:41.000 What's it called?
01:02:42.000 It's crazy.
01:02:43.000 Anyway, but yeah, no, they're like, you've looked at it.
01:02:46.000 Well, okay, here's the answer.
01:02:47.000 They're hiding it because one article said Monsanto buys Blackwater.
01:02:54.000 And then another article says Blackwater has been sold via a shell company and a pair of private equity firms.
01:03:02.000 So does this mean Monsanto has actually bought into Blackwater?
01:03:06.000 And they're saying there's no way to know. 1.00
01:03:09.000 How creepy and scary are these motherfuckers? 0.99
01:03:12.000 When one of the biggest corporations that controls the food on this planet has its own private army. 1.00
01:03:18.000 Do you know how crazy that is?
01:03:20.000 How come this isn't being discussed? 1.00
01:03:21.000 Everybody wants to talk about how many black guys Kim Kardashian's fucked. 1.00
01:03:24.000 Everyone wants to talk about, oh, gay people shouldn't get married. 1.00
01:03:28.000 Yeah, this is scary. 1.00
01:03:29.000 People are taking over the world and you're worried about fucking guys getting married. 1.00
01:03:32.000 Well, the crazy thing is people think this is ridiculous. 1.00
01:03:34.000 This is like hippie nonsense, all this fucking, you know, what are you doing? 1.00
01:03:37.000 No, no, no. 1.00
01:03:38.000 This is big business is what this is.
01:03:40.000 It's the biggest business in the world.
01:03:41.000 The number one business in the world besides drugs is food.
01:03:45.000 And the only reason why drugs is more than food is because drugs is illegal.
01:03:47.000 You know?
01:03:48.000 Food's worth way more than drugs.
01:03:49.000 Drugs should be cheaper, but they're illegal.
01:03:51.000 You know? 1.00
01:03:52.000 I mean, fuck, man. 1.00
01:03:53.000 But it's probably not even close anyway. 1.00
01:03:55.000 More people spend way more money on food than drugs anyway, even though drugs are illegal.
01:03:58.000 Oh, of course. 1.00
01:03:58.000 Even if you're fucking something like a maniac. 1.00
01:04:01.000 Yeah, you'd have to be off the charts. 1.00
01:04:04.000 Everybody would have to be off the charts. 0.99
01:04:05.000 But anyway, so how the fuck, man? 0.99
01:04:08.000 How could this happen? 0.99
01:04:10.000 Man, dude, I... That's so scary.
01:04:14.000 It's very scary.
01:04:15.000 I mean, I just read, like, on another similar kind of thing, I just read about they're going to start selling genetically modified salmon that grows twice as big in half the time.
01:04:24.000 And they're like, oh, we're not too worried about these salmon and going into the wild.
01:04:30.000 Of course you're going to go in the wild.
01:04:32.000 You'd have no...
01:04:33.000 And they're like, oh, the tests have proven that it's fine.
01:04:36.000 Like, there's no...
01:04:36.000 Really?
01:04:37.000 How long?
01:04:38.000 Have you tested this on a generation of people?
01:04:40.000 No, you haven't. 1.00
01:04:41.000 No one has a fucking clue. 1.00
01:04:43.000 No fucking idea. 1.00
01:04:44.000 They're like, oh, we tried for three months. 1.00
01:04:46.000 No one got sick.
01:04:47.000 Let's put a new species of animal that would be out on the market for people to eat.
01:04:52.000 There's a fish that, I mean, just whenever an animal comes from another ecosystem and invades as an alien, they can ruin everything, man.
01:05:01.000 I think it's called a snakehead.
01:05:03.000 I think that's the name of the fish.
01:05:04.000 But it's a fish that, I believe it's from Africa. 1.00
01:05:06.000 I'm just talking out of my ass right now. 0.99
01:05:08.000 I'll find out what it is. 0.99
01:05:09.000 But snakehead invasion is what I'm going to look up. 0.93
01:05:11.000 Because these fish, they started showing up in lakes and ponds and just eating everything, dude.
01:05:19.000 Eating everything.
01:05:21.000 Yeah, snakehead.
01:05:21.000 That's exactly what it is.
01:05:23.000 Jeez.
01:05:23.000 Yeah, they've turned up in lakes and rivers all over the country.
01:05:27.000 And it's a real big problem because they're like invincible.
01:05:32.000 Do they know where they came from? 1.00
01:05:33.000 They just breed like a motherfucker. 1.00
01:05:34.000 I'm looking for it on here. 1.00
01:05:36.000 It doesn't say what country it comes from.
01:05:40.000 Cobra Island.
01:05:42.000 Wikipedia.
01:05:44.000 Let's see.
01:05:46.000 It's a scary thing, though, man. 0.99
01:05:48.000 They just come in, and imagine if you're a guy who likes going fishing, and they're scary as fuck looking, man. 1.00
01:05:53.000 They look like some fucking crazy dinosaur thing, man. 1.00
01:05:56.000 Okay, they are from Africa, so I wasn't talking on my ass. 1.00
01:05:59.000 So this is the fish. 0.99
01:06:02.000 It looks like... 1.00
01:06:03.000 Look at this shit. 1.00
01:06:05.000 It looks like a dinosaur. 1.00
01:06:06.000 Holy shit. 0.99
01:06:07.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:06:09.000 Looks like a dinosaur. 1.00
01:06:10.000 I mean, look at that fucking thing. 1.00
01:06:11.000 That's a creepy-looking fucking fish. 1.00
01:06:14.000 And dudes just have them for pets. 1.00
01:06:16.000 I had piranhas for pets, and it was against the law.
01:06:20.000 Because of that very reason, yeah.
01:06:22.000 But I know a dude who knows a dude, you know what I'm saying?
01:06:24.000 We'll get you some piranhas, yo.
01:06:25.000 I had to, like, get illegal piranhas.
01:06:27.000 That's pretty badass having piranhas.
01:06:29.000 It was, but it wasn't.
01:06:30.000 Did you have to, like, throw, like, your cat in there to feed them?
01:06:32.000 Like, what do you do?
01:06:33.000 No, I love my cat, man.
01:06:34.000 Come on.
01:06:35.000 Well, how do you feed them?
01:06:36.000 No, I feed them goldfish.
01:06:38.000 Goldfish.
01:06:38.000 Yeah, goldfish is what they love.
01:06:42.000 Yeah, it's a trip watching them feed, too, man. 0.99
01:06:45.000 You can feed them hot dogs and shit like that, too, if you're really not into watching them kill something. 1.00
01:06:49.000 But there's something so primal about watching those fucking things just attack a school of goldfish. 0.99
01:06:55.000 And the goldfish, it was really a sick thing that I used to do. 0.99
01:06:58.000 I used to get a bag of goldfish, and then I would sit, I'd pull my bar stool in front of this giant tank.
01:07:04.000 How many of the piranhas?
01:07:05.000 Piranhas?
01:07:06.000 At one point, I had 30. Jesus.
01:07:08.000 Yeah, it was a big tank.
01:07:10.000 It was huge.
01:07:11.000 The tank was...
01:07:12.000 I don't know, hundreds of gallons.
01:07:14.000 I forget how many hundreds, but it was really big.
01:07:16.000 Anyway, it was maybe over 1,000.
01:07:17.000 It might have been over 1,000 gallons, I think.
01:07:19.000 Whoa.
01:07:20.000 I don't even remember anymore.
01:07:21.000 It's been so many years.
01:07:22.000 Anyways, big tank.
01:07:23.000 I had too many when I had, like, 30. It was a good number when I had, like, five.
01:07:27.000 Five is a good number.
01:07:28.000 Because they get crazy and they start killing each other.
01:07:31.000 If you have too many of them.
01:07:33.000 Not even if you have too many of them.
01:07:34.000 Just one of them shows up with a limp.
01:07:36.000 Mmm, that's a wrap.
01:07:37.000 Mmm.
01:07:37.000 That's wrap, Daisy.
01:07:38.000 Even if they're not hungry, they just attack them. 1.00
01:07:40.000 They just attack them and fuck them up. 0.99
01:07:42.000 So I would dump the goldfish in there, and they would look at the goldfish for a second, and they would slowly move closer, slowly move closer, and then one of them would go for it. 0.98
01:07:52.000 And when one of them would go for it, they would just dart, snap, I would snap and cut a goldfish in half, and then the blood would be in the water, and then it was on like Donkey Kong. 0.98
01:08:00.000 And then I would sit there and watch them go back and forth and chasing them around these little driftwood things and shit, and the goldfish don't know what the fuck is going on. 0.99
01:08:08.000 And they're just getting cut down like a goddamn horror movie. 1.00
01:08:12.000 And they're primal, man. 1.00
01:08:13.000 They are fucking savage. 1.00
01:08:15.000 They're stealing dead goldfish from each other. 1.00
01:08:17.000 Like one's got a half a goldfish and the other one comes up and bites it off of his face. 1.00
01:08:20.000 So after like a good like killing when they would go nuts, they would be missing lips and shit. 0.99
01:08:26.000 Their lips would be because they would be stealing from each other and they cut their own lips off. 0.99
01:08:30.000 So they were always like this really... 0.99
01:08:32.000 They're creepy looking anyway, but they were even more creepy when their white teeth were exposed and they'd be swimming around this fucking tank. 0.99
01:08:39.000 And a lot of people cut their lips off just so they can see the white teeth. 0.99
01:08:43.000 You pull them out and you remove their lips and then you put them back in the water.
01:08:47.000 And they swim around and they swim around like monsters.
01:08:49.000 They look even scarier that way.
01:08:51.000 Modified piranhas. 1.00
01:08:52.000 Dude, there's a fucking crazy piranha. 1.00
01:08:55.000 It's like a cousin to a piranha. 1.00
01:08:57.000 And they just, fuck, what is the name of it? 0.99
01:09:00.000 This big tigerfish. 0.99
01:09:01.000 And they just caught one in the Congo.
01:09:03.000 This guy went and they had this TV show about it.
01:09:05.000 He caught this thing in the Congo.
01:09:06.000 It's the nuttiest thing you've ever seen in your life.
01:09:09.000 It's got teeth that are as long as great white shark teeth. 0.54
01:09:13.000 Enormous teeth. 0.93
01:09:13.000 And it looks like a monster. 0.93
01:09:15.000 It does not look like a real fish. 1.00
01:09:17.000 Just this ridiculous mouth of giant fucking teeth. 1.00
01:09:21.000 And just these Dead eyes and this big fucking plate-covered body of death just swimming through incredibly fast waters and fucking things up and it's huge. 1.00
01:09:32.000 It's a hundred pounds, 150 pounds. 1.00
01:09:35.000 They kill people. 1.00
01:09:35.000 They've bitten people's legs and shit, taken chunks out of them. 1.00
01:09:38.000 You fall in, man. 1.00
01:09:39.000 They bite you.
01:09:39.000 If you're still in there, they're gonna keep biting.
01:09:41.000 That's it.
01:09:42.000 It's a wrap.
01:09:42.000 If there's a bunch of them there, they really are like a giant piranha.
01:09:46.000 Thank God we're separated from these guys. 1.00
01:09:48.000 Fuck yeah, man. 1.00
01:09:48.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
01:09:50.000 If those things had legs, we'd all be fucked. 1.00
01:09:52.000 Dude, well, we're fucked if fucking mountain lions increase in population. 1.00
01:09:56.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:09:56.000 You know, in California, especially Southern California, it's every couple of years some asshole on a bike gets jacked by a cougar. 1.00
01:10:02.000 I know. 1.00
01:10:03.000 I know. 0.99
01:10:03.000 I love fucking hiking, but I get so – I love smoking and going hiking. 0.99
01:10:07.000 And I get so – I walk around. 0.99
01:10:09.000 My brother came to visit me.
01:10:10.000 I was walking around with rocks because I saw a Discovery Channel thing.
01:10:13.000 But people getting attacked by mountain lions.
01:10:15.000 Bring mace if you want to bring something.
01:10:17.000 I had bear mace that I used to bring.
01:10:19.000 When I would live in Colorado, when I lived in Colorado, I used to carry a gun.
01:10:22.000 I carried two guns once.
01:10:24.000 A gun always and mace.
01:10:26.000 I bring mace.
01:10:27.000 Because bears, you don't really want to shoot bears, man.
01:10:29.000 Because first of all, the 9mm, you shoot a bear, guess what?
01:10:32.000 You're not going to kill them. 0.99
01:10:33.000 You're just going to make them really, really fucking mad. 0.99
01:10:37.000 And Colorado doesn't have too many grizzlies. 0.99
01:10:39.000 A lot of it was black bears.
01:10:40.000 But they could. 1.00
01:10:41.000 I mean, shit. 1.00
01:10:42.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:10:42.000 I mean, they're in Montana. 1.00
01:10:43.000 They're in a lot of places.
01:10:44.000 You don't know.
01:10:45.000 I mean, they don't have a real accurate number of how many grizzlies are out there.
01:10:49.000 And they've found a few in Colorado.
01:10:50.000 It was because there was a zoo that we went to that they had two grizzlies that were in the zoo.
01:10:55.000 And the reason why they had them in there was because they had gotten too used to people.
01:11:00.000 They started jacking people's garbage. 0.97
01:11:01.000 And once they start jacking your garbage, that's it. 0.97
01:11:03.000 They know that that's a food source and they never quit.
01:11:05.000 They just never move on to like a new neighborhood.
01:11:08.000 They just will camp out and just jack your garbage every night.
01:11:11.000 So it becomes an issue.
01:11:12.000 And they have to kidnap them. 1.00
01:11:14.000 Fuck it, man. 1.00
01:11:14.000 When you see them out there, I mean, I never saw a bear in the wild, but I did see a mountain lion. 1.00
01:11:19.000 But seeing a bear in the zoo and just thinking about this thing is allowed to roam around in the same area as you.
01:11:26.000 Like, this is a monster! 1.00
01:11:28.000 This is a giant, fucking enormous monster. 1.00
01:11:31.000 And sometimes they get really hungry. 1.00
01:11:33.000 Oh.
01:11:34.000 And they'll eat your kids. 1.00
01:11:36.000 They'll fuck you up, man. 1.00
01:11:37.000 Yeah, dude. 1.00
01:11:37.000 Did you see Grizzly Man? 1.00
01:11:39.000 No, no, no.
01:11:40.000 Dude.
01:11:40.000 Yeah, it's the best comedy ever.
01:11:42.000 Yeah?
01:11:42.000 Oh, my God.
01:11:43.000 What's Grizzly Man?
01:11:44.000 Grizzly Man is a documentary about this guy named Timothy Treadwell.
01:11:47.000 Yeah.
01:11:47.000 And Timothy Treadwell was this guy who was, like, in love with grizzlies.
01:11:50.000 It was one of the weirdest things ever, man.
01:11:52.000 Really strange.
01:11:53.000 And the guy was... 0.83
01:11:56.000 Uber gay. 0.98
01:11:57.000 Just really gay and completely in denial. 1.00
01:12:00.000 And the way he would, like, face his gayness was to live in the woods with these fucking bears. 1.00
01:12:05.000 It was the strangest thing ever. 1.00
01:12:07.000 This guy, there was so many deep psychological issues going on with this guy.
01:12:11.000 He's in like a bear closet.
01:12:12.000 Yeah, like they interview his friends and they're like, well, he used to talk in an accent, but then he stopped.
01:12:16.000 He's one of those guys. 1.00
01:12:17.000 I mean, he's completely nuts. 0.99
01:12:17.000 And he'd be out there... 0.99
01:12:19.000 I'm the only one who's out here saving these bears.
01:12:22.000 Meanwhile, the park ranger is like, you don't have to save them.
01:12:24.000 They're bears.
01:12:25.000 No one's here.
01:12:26.000 You're not doing anything. 1.00
01:12:27.000 You're crazy. 1.00
01:12:28.000 You're living with these bears. 0.99
01:12:29.000 You're actually endangering the bears because you're getting the bears used to being in contact with humans.
01:12:34.000 And that's what gets bears in trouble.
01:12:35.000 They get used to people being around because he's around all the time.
01:12:38.000 And they go, oh, well, let me go just jack this dude's picnic basket. 1.00
01:12:40.000 And then you got to shoot him. 1.00
01:12:41.000 So what he's actually doing is fucking these bears over. 1.00
01:12:44.000 So this guy is just out there every year. 0.97
01:12:46.000 I'm here saving these bears.
01:12:48.000 These bears without me, they'd be nowhere.
01:12:50.000 And he's like, he calls them, he has a bunch of names for them.
01:12:53.000 Hello, Mr. Cupcake. 1.00
01:12:54.000 You know, and the bear takes a shit and he runs over to the bear shit. 0.99
01:12:57.000 He goes, it's warm. 1.00
01:12:59.000 Oh, it just came out of her butt. 1.00
01:13:01.000 It just came out of her butt. 1.00
01:13:03.000 This is warm. 1.00
01:13:04.000 This guy is touching it, and he's excited that he's in contact with this shit that just came out of her ass. 1.00
01:13:10.000 And I'm not kidding. 1.00
01:13:11.000 And he thinks it's a magical shit. 1.00
01:13:12.000 He's amazed by it. 1.00
01:13:14.000 This is amazing.
01:13:15.000 It's warm.
01:13:16.000 He actually said this. 1.00
01:13:16.000 He's feeling her shit, saying that it's warm. 1.00
01:13:19.000 Could you imagine if he was doing that to a woman? 1.00
01:13:21.000 If there was a woman, a woman runs into her bathroom and fucking jacks her shit, and he's holding on to it. 1.00
01:13:26.000 It's warm. 1.00
01:13:27.000 It just came out of her butt. 1.00
01:13:28.000 It's warm. 1.00
01:13:29.000 It's just as bizarre. 1.00
01:13:31.000 Just as bizarre to be doing that with a fucking bear, you weirdo. 1.00
01:13:34.000 Great movie. 1.00
01:13:35.000 And at the end, he dies.
01:13:36.000 Yeah, I'm sure it is.
01:13:37.000 It's Werner Herzog film.
01:13:40.000 It's fucking fascinating because it seems like Werner Herzog is not in on the joke, which makes it even more interesting. 0.82
01:13:45.000 It's like, this guy's a brilliant documentarian. 0.92
01:13:48.000 Does he know how How hilarious this is?
01:13:50.000 Because it doesn't appear that he does.
01:13:51.000 Because it doesn't seem like he's playing it off that way at all.
01:13:54.000 And even when he talks to the woman at the end, I would love to sit down with him off the record and ask him a question.
01:13:59.000 I would love to go, did you know that was funny when you were doing it? 0.98
01:14:03.000 Because it's goddamn brilliant, dude. 0.94
01:14:05.000 It's hilarious. 0.97
01:14:06.000 It's so funny.
01:14:07.000 Sounds like a great Christopher Guest movie.
01:14:09.000 They deadpan everybody, too.
01:14:10.000 They bring in the sheriff from up in Alaska.
01:14:12.000 Well, I knew he was going to get in trouble up there.
01:14:16.000 They have these interviews with these people, and they're talking about how he had to recognize the body, and how they had to shoot the bear, because the bear was still there, like, guarding over the bodies.
01:14:26.000 Yeah, the guy had flown over. 0.99
01:14:28.000 Oh, yeah, you have to kill them. 1.00
01:14:29.000 Once they start killing people, you have to kill them. 1.00
01:14:31.000 Ah, yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:14:31.000 But it was an old, what it was was, the guy, they called it suicide by bear. 1.00
01:14:36.000 And what happened was the guy had just decided to stay way past you're supposed to.
01:14:40.000 And when you get to a certain point in time, the bears that are conscious or that are up, that aren't hibernating, are all the ones who are dying.
01:14:47.000 They're all really old.
01:14:49.000 And the really old bears get desperate and they can't get any food.
01:14:52.000 And they started killing their own babies. 0.99
01:14:54.000 And when you see bears kill their own babies, you're supposed to get the fuck out of there. 1.00
01:14:58.000 Because if they're killing their babies, they're desperate as fuck. 1.00
01:15:00.000 You know, they're eating anything. 1.00
01:15:01.000 They eat their own goddamn babies. 1.00
01:15:03.000 And he basically went back in like October and November when the bears are camping in. 1.00
01:15:08.000 And a bear killed him.
01:15:10.000 And it took a long time.
01:15:11.000 And there's a video, but there's no image because the lens cap was on.
01:15:16.000 But the camera was running.
01:15:17.000 And they have like seven minutes of him getting torn apart by bears.
01:15:22.000 By this one bear.
01:15:23.000 Because the thing about bears is, they just start eating you.
01:15:27.000 See, a real carnivore, or rather a real predator like a cat, cats kill you first because they want to keep killing things, and they don't want to have to worry about fighting you.
01:15:39.000 Hyenas, though, hyenas just start eating.
01:15:41.000 And that's the same with bears.
01:15:43.000 Bears, they get you down, they just start eating.
01:15:44.000 Monkeys, chimps, when chimps kill monkeys, they just eat them.
01:15:48.000 They don't kill them first.
01:15:49.000 There's videos of chimps screaming, monkeys rather, screaming while a chimp has a hold of its little body and is biting its legs off.
01:16:00.000 Pulling it apart.
01:16:01.000 And this monkey's screaming.
01:16:04.000 And it looks like a little person.
01:16:06.000 It looks like a weird little person in an outfit. 0.51
01:16:09.000 And it's getting ripped apart by this chimp who's just... 1.00
01:16:13.000 Chewing on it. 1.00
01:16:14.000 It's fucking dark, dude. 0.99
01:16:16.000 And that's what bears do. 0.99
01:16:17.000 And that's what Bear did to Timothy Treadwell.
01:16:19.000 Just ate him.
01:16:20.000 For seven minutes until he died.
01:16:22.000 Somewhere that footage exists, too.
01:16:23.000 No video, man.
01:16:24.000 Only audio.
01:16:25.000 There was no video footage.
01:16:26.000 Yeah, but Werner Herzog listened to it. 0.99
01:16:28.000 That fuck, and he didn't play it for us. 0.99
01:16:29.000 And he said, this is too much for people to handle. 1.00
01:16:32.000 You need to burn this. 0.84
01:16:34.000 Burn this. 1.00
01:16:35.000 Like, bitch! 1.00
01:16:36.000 Why don't you let some other people decide? 1.00
01:16:38.000 Maybe you're just being a little overreactive.
01:16:40.000 Well, when did they shoot that?
01:16:42.000 How long ago?
01:16:43.000 Phew.
01:16:44.000 It's a few years ago.
01:16:45.000 It's like 2000. Five years ago, maybe.
01:16:47.000 Maybe even more than that.
01:16:48.000 It might have been like 2004. Everyone watches videos.
01:16:51.000 Every time someone gets their head chopped off, my brother's like, yo, check out the video. 1.00
01:16:54.000 I'm like, what are you fucking nuts? 0.99
01:16:55.000 Well, there's nothing graphic about it. 0.99
01:16:57.000 2005. There's nothing graphic about it.
01:16:59.000 I mean, they don't really show you.
01:17:00.000 But when they say the way they found out that the guy had died was that they flew in with some supplies for him.
01:17:07.000 And as the guy was flying in a plane, he saw a bear that was out, which he thought was unusual, and he saw the bodies.
01:17:14.000 Like he flew over and saw like this – the white rib cage poking up of a guy that had just been eaten.
01:17:19.000 He ate two people.
01:17:20.000 He ate him and he ate his girlfriend too. 1.00
01:17:22.000 They were both fucked up there. 1.00
01:17:23.000 So they landed and they had to land with rangers and rifles and shit and they had to kill the bear. 1.00
01:17:28.000 And the bear, they killed the bear and they left the bear. 0.98
01:17:31.000 This is the really crazy thing. 0.99
01:17:33.000 And then they came back a couple of months later, fucking nothing left. 0.99
01:17:36.000 Nothing of the body. 0.99
01:17:37.000 It had all been absorbed.
01:17:39.000 Animals had eaten it.
01:17:40.000 Other bears had eaten it.
01:17:41.000 The bones were all crushed up.
01:17:42.000 It was incredible.
01:17:43.000 They found a couple of rib bones.
01:17:44.000 It's really amazing.
01:17:45.000 You're talking about this giant grizzly bear.
01:17:48.000 I mean, they had photos of the bear and video footage of the bear from previous stuff that he had gotten before the bear killed him. 0.98
01:17:54.000 Back when there was salmon running, like they got the bear eating fish and shit. 0.99
01:17:57.000 Dude, it's a giant animal. 0.98
01:17:59.000 Within a few months, it's gone.
01:18:01.000 Get really big before you watch it, though.
01:18:03.000 Oh, dude, it's one of the greatest documentaries ever.
01:18:07.000 Most unintentional comedy, I think, ever in a documentary.
01:18:10.000 It's like Richard Simmons out in the woods.
01:18:12.000 It's like a Coen Brothers movie.
01:18:13.000 It really is like the Coen Brothers did it as a goof.
01:18:17.000 I mean, I was amazed.
01:18:19.000 But it's kind of perfect that the bear ate him, in terms of the documentary.
01:18:23.000 Sure.
01:18:24.000 Herzog was probably there going, yeah.
01:18:26.000 Yeah, well, I believe he started the documentary after the guy died.
01:18:29.000 Oh, okay.
01:18:30.000 Well, how did they... 0.83
01:18:31.000 He had video footage that he had shot himself for years and years by himself, and he's so crazy.
01:18:38.000 He would set up the camera, and he would look into the camera. 0.99
01:18:40.000 I'm out here alone in this forest protecting these bears because no one else gives a shit. 1.00
01:18:46.000 No one gives a shit. 1.00
01:18:47.000 So fuck you, park ranger. 1.00
01:18:49.000 Fuck you, United States government. 1.00
01:18:50.000 Fuck you, Alaska. 1.00
01:18:51.000 Like, he's just going off, like screaming. 1.00
01:18:54.000 Okay, let's try this again.
01:18:55.000 Take three.
01:18:55.000 And he'll do it, like, over and over and over again, and he obsessively filmed himself.
01:18:59.000 So they have, not only do they have this incredible wealth of footage from here, but I watch the Grizzly Man Diaries, okay? 0.82
01:19:05.000 Because he has so much footage, they turned it into a fucking reality show seven years after this dude's dead, okay? 0.86
01:19:11.000 And I watch it all the time. 1.00
01:19:13.000 There's a fucking reality show. 1.00
01:19:14.000 I didn't know that. 1.00
01:19:15.000 Dude, I watch it all the time!
01:19:16.000 You wanna watch it?
01:19:16.000 So it's just like all the bonus cuts?
01:19:18.000 After we're done here, bro, let's get something to eat, we'll hit the fucking vaporizer, and we'll fucking have a good time. 0.99
01:19:23.000 It's genius, man. 0.99
01:19:25.000 He's just gold.
01:19:26.000 He's gold all day. 1.00
01:19:27.000 I wish the motherfucker was still alive. 1.00
01:19:29.000 I'd have him on the podcast in a hot... 1.00
01:19:32.000 Wasn't there a part in it where he goes, everyone, did you already say this?
01:19:35.000 Everyone thinks I'm gay.
01:19:36.000 He talks about it.
01:19:37.000 Well, he walked with a camera.
01:19:39.000 He's like, well, you know, I guess, no, this is what he said. 0.86
01:19:42.000 He goes, it'd be so much easier if I was gay.
01:19:44.000 You know, I just can't find a girl.
01:19:47.000 I can't find the right girl.
01:19:48.000 I can't find the right girl. 1.00
01:19:49.000 Maybe it's because you're living in the woods with monsters, you fuck. 1.00
01:19:55.000 Chicks want to be putting a nice roof over their head. 1.00
01:19:58.000 They want to be taken care of.
01:19:59.000 They want a man who loves them and supports them.
01:20:02.000 Let's go live in a house made of fabric amongst monsters.
01:20:08.000 You want me to sleep outside on the ground with no more than fabric above me while monsters roam around.
01:20:15.000 They're my friends.
01:20:16.000 Look, it's Mr. Cupcake.
01:20:18.000 Hey, Mr. Cupcake.
01:20:19.000 When you eat me in a couple of months, can you think you could start from the head first so I die quicker? 1.00
01:20:25.000 Ass first. 1.00
01:20:26.000 Seven minutes this guy dies. 1.00
01:20:28.000 Think about how fucking long... 0.99
01:20:29.000 Think about holding your breath for seven minutes, right? 0.99
01:20:31.000 That's a long-ass time.
01:20:33.000 Now think...
01:20:33.000 You can't do it.
01:20:34.000 Now think about something...
01:20:35.000 Eating! 0.95
01:20:36.000 Eating you for seven minutes before you die. 1.00
01:20:39.000 Eating you. 1.00
01:20:41.000 Just pulling chunks out. 0.99
01:20:43.000 You're screaming.
01:20:44.000 And it's just eating your feet.
01:20:45.000 And you're just squirting blood like a broken faucet.
01:20:49.000 When do you just pass out?
01:20:51.000 I don't know, man.
01:20:52.000 I don't know.
01:20:52.000 You're like, okay, I'm dying.
01:20:54.000 And you accept it. 1.00
01:20:54.000 And then you wake up when it bites your dick off. 1.00
01:20:57.000 Six more minutes. 1.00
01:20:59.000 You're like, okay, I'm dying. 0.92
01:21:00.000 Okay, I'm gonna die.
01:21:01.000 Still conscious. 1.00
01:21:03.000 He just starts eating your asshole. 1.00
01:21:06.000 Just big chunks. 1.00
01:21:07.000 He's got his giant paw and he puts it on your cheek. 1.00
01:21:10.000 And he's just ripping out your asshole. 1.00
01:21:12.000 Just pulling out. 1.00
01:21:13.000 Literally eating your asshole while you're still alive. 1.00
01:21:17.000 Dude, man. 1.00
01:21:18.000 Fuck a bear, man. 1.00
01:21:19.000 Fuck a bear. 1.00
01:21:20.000 People in my neighborhood, too, when I lived in the Colorado mountains, are like, well, if you see a bear, you report it. 1.00
01:21:24.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00
01:21:25.000 I'm going to shoot that thing. 1.00
01:21:26.000 I'm going to shoot the fuck out of that thing. 1.00
01:21:29.000 If I had a rifle? 1.00
01:21:30.000 Not with a pistol, though.
01:21:31.000 With a pistol, you've got to use the mace, man. 1.00
01:21:33.000 Fucking scary animals, goddammit. 1.00
01:21:35.000 We need them. 1.00
01:21:36.000 We need them.
01:21:37.000 We need them in our woods. 1.00
01:21:38.000 Fuck you, we do. 1.00
01:21:39.000 Fucking kill them all. 1.00
01:21:40.000 Put them in zoos. 1.00
01:21:41.000 That's why I don't do the whole...
01:21:42.000 I don't know if you guys surf, but I have a bunch of friends that surf and they want me to go, I'm like...
01:21:46.000 You have any idea of the size of the monsters that are in there?
01:21:50.000 Guy just died recently in Santa Barbara, man.
01:21:52.000 Yeah, man.
01:21:53.000 Bit in half in front of his friends.
01:21:55.000 Like, if sharks were walking on land, you'd go, I'm not going where those monsters are hanging out.
01:22:03.000 Right.
01:22:03.000 You're going really on this little board.
01:22:05.000 You're going where there are, like...
01:22:08.000 Things that eat people that are twice or three or four times the size of you.
01:22:13.000 You know what?
01:22:14.000 If I'm going to surf, I'm going to do it on the Xbox.
01:22:18.000 This is what I tell people.
01:22:20.000 If there were three werewolves in the country, fact proven three werewolves, would you ever be in the woods at night on a full moon?
01:22:29.000 Ever! 1.00
01:22:30.000 Why the fuck would you take that chance? 0.99
01:22:32.000 You wouldn't, okay? 1.00
01:22:33.000 Well, there's a million sharks, you fuck, and they're not just sharks when it's a full moon. 1.00
01:22:37.000 They're sharks every day, and they can't even stop, because if they stop, they drown. 1.00
01:22:41.000 So they have to keep swimming, and they have to keep eating, and they eat shoes and license plates and tires, and they'll eat you.
01:22:46.000 They'll eat you, bro, and they'll eat you quick. 1.00
01:22:49.000 They take giant bites out of you, and you're fucked. 1.00
01:22:51.000 I'm sure surfing is awesome. 1.00
01:22:53.000 But it ain't that awesome.
01:22:55.000 I wear shoes in the ocean. 0.96
01:22:56.000 I won't even fucking know that. 1.00
01:22:57.000 I'd be like the biggest pussy thing ever. 1.00
01:22:59.000 Give me some knuckles on that shit, sorry. 1.00
01:23:00.000 Give me some knuckles on that smart thinking right there. 1.00
01:23:02.000 Yeah, I mean, people will always like...
01:23:05.000 There's another subject where people go, Joe needs to lighten up.
01:23:08.000 He's so scared of things.
01:23:09.000 So paranoid of things.
01:23:10.000 Like...
01:23:11.000 Obviously a lot of this is for entertainment, folks.
01:23:13.000 I'm not shaking every time I walk by the ocean.
01:23:15.000 But the point being, logically and realistically, we're all going to die eventually.
01:23:20.000 Absolutely.
01:23:20.000 But that's not the fun way to go.
01:23:23.000 The fun way to go is you live a long life, you fucking party your ass off, you make a lot of good friends, and people miss you when you're gone, you're surrounded by your friends and loved ones as you pass through the next stage of existence.
01:23:32.000 Not... 0.91
01:23:32.000 Ooh, look how pretty the water is. 0.91
01:23:35.000 Where's my legs? 1.00
01:23:37.000 And some fucking thing is just taking chunks out of you. 1.00
01:23:41.000 I mean, fucking huge, man. 1.00
01:23:43.000 I mean, there are sharks that are 30 feet long out there. 1.00
01:23:46.000 What are you talking about?
01:23:48.000 30 feet long!
01:23:50.000 30 feet long with giant mouths that have so many teeth.
01:23:54.000 If one breaks off, another one pops into its place.
01:23:57.000 There's no animal like it in the world. 1.00
01:24:00.000 Every other animal, when they lose a tooth, they're fucked. 1.00
01:24:02.000 Okay? 1.00
01:24:03.000 If a lion loses his tooth, man, that's just a new young lion's gonna take over, motherfucker. 1.00
01:24:07.000 You can't be gum and no gazelles. 1.00
01:24:09.000 How you protecting me with them fucking shitty teeth? 1.00
01:24:11.000 That lion dies up. 1.00
01:24:12.000 Not a shark.
01:24:13.000 They can lose a hundred teeth. 0.68
01:24:14.000 Whatever.
01:24:15.000 Clink, clink.
01:24:15.000 Oh, I got more.
01:24:16.000 Clink, clink. 1.00
01:24:17.000 Just designed to fuck you up, man. 1.00
01:24:19.000 And you're drowning at the same time. 1.00
01:24:21.000 How fucking horrible is drowning? 0.99
01:24:24.000 You're drowning while something is eating your entire body. 1.00
01:24:27.000 Like those piranha, fucked up those goldfish, man. 1.00
01:24:29.000 I'm just scared of karma, man. 1.00
01:24:30.000 I've fucked a lot of goldfish over. 1.00
01:24:34.000 A lot of goldfish to a watery grave. 0.99
01:24:36.000 If there's any karma out there, I mean, the universe, does it really give a fuck about the difference between the life of a goldfish or the life of a person? 0.96
01:24:41.000 I mean, I took some pleasure in the death of goldfish, and I set it up. 0.67
01:24:45.000 I introduced some alien fish that aren't even supposed to be in this environment.
01:24:48.000 I had a fake artificial environment in my own home, and I would use it for a little goldfish coliseum.
01:24:54.000 You're playing God, man.
01:24:55.000 I'm playing God, man.
01:24:56.000 I ain't going in that water.
01:24:57.000 I know what I did wrong.
01:24:58.000 I'm not Someone's going to make a genetically modified goldfish that's going to get huge and it's going to come for you, man.
01:25:03.000 It's going to grow legs.
01:25:04.000 It's going to come knock on your door. 1.00
01:25:05.000 Did you hear about the shit that's going on in Russia, man? 1.00
01:25:08.000 What's going on in Russia? 1.00
01:25:09.000 Dude, the wolves...
01:25:10.000 What is this going on on the screen there, Brian? 0.99
01:25:12.000 Some weird shit right there. 0.99
01:25:14.000 It's always been like that. 0.99
01:25:15.000 What is it?
01:25:15.000 It's just design.
01:25:17.000 Oh, you put it there?
01:25:18.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:25:18.000 Oh, you fucking weirdo. 1.00
01:25:19.000 Trying to be artistic. 1.00
01:25:20.000 Anyway, there's a pack of wolves in this area of Russia.
01:25:24.000 There's unprecedentedly big.
01:25:26.000 400 wolves.
01:25:28.000 And they're acting together and they're killing livestock like horses.
01:25:32.000 They're acting together as a group.
01:25:34.000 It's really scary.
01:25:35.000 And they have groups of hunters that are going after them.
01:25:38.000 Let me pull it up real quick. 1.00
01:25:40.000 Holy shit. 0.99
01:25:40.000 It's really scary. 0.99
01:25:41.000 Can you imagine you're in the woods taking a little stroll, 400 wolves in front of you?
01:25:46.000 Dude, it's really scary.
01:25:47.000 There's a video of wolves in Russia.
01:25:49.000 Have you ever seen the video on YouTube?
01:25:50.000 No.
01:25:50.000 Yo, you've got to check out this video.
01:25:52.000 It's fucking badass. 0.96
01:25:53.000 Have you ever seen it, Brian? 0.99
01:25:54.000 No.
01:25:54.000 Some people think it's fake.
01:25:56.000 I do not believe it's fake.
01:25:57.000 It's a video of these guys that are pulling over people in Russia.
01:26:01.000 They're pulling people over for traffic violations, and they're right by the woods.
01:26:06.000 And as they're in there, one guy is pulling a guy over.
01:26:11.000 Have you ever seen it Brian?
01:26:11.000 A guy yells, who's on the other side of the street.
01:26:13.000 And as he yells, the guy who's the cop panics.
01:26:16.000 He yells something in Russian.
01:26:18.000 Panics and gets into the car of the people he pulled over.
01:26:22.000 Jumps in it, quick.
01:26:23.000 And as he jumps in it, this pack of wolves runs down the street. 1.00
01:26:27.000 It's a motherfucker, dude. 1.00
01:26:28.000 And as they're running, they go... 1.00
01:26:31.000 Why do people think it's fake?
01:26:33.000 A lot of people don't think it's real.
01:26:35.000 People call fake...
01:26:36.000 I mean, look at you.
01:26:37.000 You call fake on everything. 0.61
01:26:40.000 Pack of wolves police officer.
01:26:43.000 Pull that up on YouTube. 1.00
01:26:44.000 But anyway, so this super pack of wolves is terrorizing this fucking town. 1.00
01:26:49.000 They've killed 30 horses in four days. 1.00
01:26:52.000 Yeah.
01:26:53.000 What?
01:26:54.000 They've never seen anything like it before, and they've had to put bounties on wolves' heads.
01:27:00.000 So they're poking 210, I don't know what it is, because it's pounds, I believe it is.
01:27:04.000 It might be euros, 210 euros.
01:27:05.000 It's probably euros, right?
01:27:07.000 Do they go under the euro?
01:27:09.000 That was a vodka, by the way.
01:27:10.000 It was a vodka.
01:27:11.000 Was it fake?
01:27:12.000 Yeah.
01:27:12.000 It was fake.
01:27:12.000 Okay.
01:27:13.000 Well, this is fake.
01:27:14.000 How did you find those so quickly?
01:27:15.000 How did they make it a vodka ad?
01:27:17.000 I searched it and it says, Wolf Attack Video is a viral ad for a vodka brand.
01:27:23.000 But it doesn't even have the vodka in it.
01:27:25.000 How does that advertise vodka?
01:27:26.000 Pull the video.
01:27:27.000 It's pretty dope.
01:27:28.000 I think once people find out.
01:27:28.000 It does seem a little bit too well filmed.
01:27:31.000 Yeah.
01:27:32.000 It did too good of a job. 1.00
01:27:35.000 So anyway, think about this shit, man. 1.00
01:27:38.000 The temperatures up there are minus 49 degrees Celsius, and it killed off all the normal prey of these wolves. 1.00
01:27:46.000 So these wolves thrive in cold weather, but there's a lot of animals.
01:27:50.000 What are you doing, man? 1.00
01:27:52.000 Just cue that shit up so we don't have to watch this guy's gay ad. 1.00
01:27:57.000 Presents. 1.00
01:27:58.000 I present.
01:28:00.000 Here it goes.
01:28:01.000 So, yeah, see, that looks like too well-framed, you know?
01:28:05.000 Yeah, that's a good traffic camera.
01:28:07.000 Both cars are in frame.
01:28:10.000 But it's pretty dope, man.
01:28:11.000 I like when it happens.
01:28:12.000 I wish it was real.
01:28:13.000 Yeah.
01:28:14.000 I wish it was a werewolf.
01:28:16.000 Yeah.
01:28:16.000 So, I mean, think about that temperature right there, 49 degrees Celsius.
01:28:20.000 That's fucking crazy. 0.97
01:28:21.000 That's Edmonton. 0.99
01:28:22.000 Minus 49 degrees, yeah.
01:28:24.000 Yeah.
01:28:25.000 And so these wolves have nothing to eat, so they all figured out how to get together.
01:28:30.000 And this population, this town, is only 1,300 people.
01:28:33.000 So wrap your head around that.
01:28:35.000 1,300 people, 400 wolves.
01:28:39.000 Wow.
01:28:39.000 So, almost for every three people, there's a wolf.
01:28:43.000 Oh, man. 1.00
01:28:46.000 Get the fuck out of that town, dude. 0.99
01:28:49.000 Every three people, there's a wolf? 1.00
01:28:50.000 Jesus!
01:28:52.000 The chances of you dying by wolf attack are like, the chances of you dying of old age are nothing.
01:28:57.000 It's terrifying, and it's just started to happen again.
01:28:59.000 There's been two instances in the last fucking hundred years or so, and they've both been within the last ten years of people getting killed by wolves. 0.93
01:29:08.000 It's on record. 0.97
01:29:09.000 We used to think that like wolves are cool, man.
01:29:11.000 They're like dogs, man.
01:29:12.000 They're like rebels. 1.00
01:29:13.000 No, they're fucking killers. 1.00
01:29:15.000 They'll kill you too. 1.00
01:29:16.000 You know, if they catch you alone, we used to have like all the, remember the old Walt Disney movies? 0.89
01:29:20.000 There was like the wolves would like try to get Beauty and the Beast. 0.98
01:29:23.000 The wolf would fucking sneak up on him. 0.99
01:29:25.000 Yeah, he would have to fucking fight off the wolves that wanted to kill Beauty, right? 1.00
01:29:29.000 Remember that shit? 1.00
01:29:30.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00
01:29:30.000 They attacked him. 1.00
01:29:31.000 That's real.
01:29:32.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:29:33.000 We just have fucked them over so bad in this country that we started to have respect for them again. 0.99
01:29:37.000 Like, aw, wolves aren't so bad. 0.99
01:29:39.000 They're cool, man.
01:29:40.000 We need them.
01:29:41.000 They're beautiful.
01:29:42.000 You know, they represent freedom.
01:29:44.000 Wolves represent freedom.
01:29:46.000 I never think about wolves, but this guy thinks about wolves every day.
01:29:49.000 Yeah, I think about all animals.
01:29:50.000 Because I'm closer to an animal than you are.
01:29:53.000 For sure. 0.98
01:29:54.000 There's 1% DNA differential, whatever the fuck it is, between humans and chimpanzees. 0.99
01:29:59.000 I'm closer to a chimp. 0.99
01:30:01.000 I'm more cat. 0.99
01:30:02.000 Goddammit. 0.95
01:30:02.000 I'm too close. 0.95
01:30:03.000 I want to go into the woods.
01:30:05.000 I'm gravitating.
01:30:06.000 I gravitate towards wild. 0.99
01:30:08.000 If there was a rainforest, I'd fucking live in it. 0.98
01:30:10.000 If we had a rainforest right here, I'd figure out, how do you kill the bugs? 0.99
01:30:14.000 Electricity?
01:30:14.000 Can you zap them?
01:30:16.000 I need to have an area around, but we live in a fucking rainforest. 1.00
01:30:19.000 That would be the shit. 1.00
01:30:21.000 Yeah, by shit you mean insanely dangerous and boring. 1.00
01:30:25.000 Anywhere where spiders can kill you. 1.00
01:30:27.000 If spiders can kill you, I'm not going there.
01:30:29.000 How about spiders that destroy your hormones, man? 1.00
01:30:32.000 There's a fucking Brazilian spider that we talked about. 1.00
01:30:35.000 What the fuck was that thing called? 1.00
01:30:36.000 I'm just I don't remember. 0.99
01:30:37.000 I'm just scared of regular spiders in my bed because you read that some of these spiders are poisonous here in California and they hide in your shoes in your bed.
01:30:45.000 Are there black widows here that have them? 1.00
01:30:47.000 Yeah, they're black and brown.
01:30:49.000 Yeah, I saw a brown outside my house the other day.
01:30:51.000 Recluses are the scary ones. 1.00
01:30:52.000 Yeah.
01:30:52.000 Because recluses, they do something to your skin that causes your skin to die.
01:30:57.000 So it causes your tissue to dissolve. 0.99
01:30:59.000 It's really fucked up, man. 0.97
01:31:02.000 Necrosis, I believe it's called. 1.00
01:31:03.000 And when they bite you, you know, they unload on you with all this fucking toxin and it just crushes your skin. 0.98
01:31:10.000 Whereas like... 0.99
01:31:11.000 Giant gaping wounds occur from one little spider bite because all the area around your skin dies and rots. 1.00
01:31:18.000 It's scary shit, man. 1.00
01:31:20.000 Really spooky shit. 1.00
01:31:22.000 Let me find this fucking... 1.00
01:31:23.000 I'm never going out again. 1.00
01:31:24.000 I'm taking this fleshlight home.
01:31:25.000 Brazilian Wandering Spider.
01:31:26.000 That's what it is.
01:31:27.000 And I believe we've talked about it on the podcast before.
01:31:29.000 You gotta look this up.
01:31:31.000 Were you always a musician growing up?
01:31:35.000 Did you rap growing up? 1.00
01:31:36.000 Don't change subject, motherfucker. 1.00
01:31:38.000 We're talking about vipers and shit. 1.00
01:31:39.000 We're talking about spiders. 0.99
01:31:39.000 I wanted to bring up this one thing when we're talking about that. 0.99
01:31:43.000 I watched the hornets versus wasps thing that you mentioned.
01:31:48.000 Was it hornets versus wasps?
01:31:50.000 When the hornets attack the bees' nests or whatever?
01:31:53.000 Yes.
01:31:53.000 Did you see that?
01:31:54.000 I watched that, dude. 1.00
01:31:55.000 That was military shit. 1.00
01:31:57.000 Dude, that's scary. 1.00
01:31:58.000 Those are monsters.
01:31:59.000 I mean, if they were big, they were like horses.
01:32:00.000 Can you imagine if a bee was the size of a horse?
01:32:02.000 Yeah.
01:32:02.000 This is what it's called, the Burmese Russell Viper.
01:32:05.000 That's what it is.
01:32:06.000 It's a Russell Viper.
01:32:06.000 And what these things, they cause uncontrollable hemorrhaging of your pituitary gland where all your sex hormones are controlled.
01:32:13.000 So if you get bit by this fucking thing and if you survive the bite, which you probably won't, you'll be permanently impotent. 0.99
01:32:19.000 And you become like a eunuch. 1.00
01:32:21.000 You lose all your pubic hair.
01:32:23.000 You stop producing testosterone.
01:32:26.000 Your body just gets jacked.
01:32:28.000 You get neutered.
01:32:29.000 You get neutered by a bite. 0.69
01:32:30.000 No, this is a python.
01:32:31.000 Oh, it's a python. 0.99
01:32:32.000 What the spider does is the spider breaks your dick by forcing you to have raging, uncontrollable heart-ons that you can't... 0.99
01:32:39.000 Like painful, agonizing heart-ons. 1.00
01:32:42.000 And when the heart-on's over, your dick's broken. 1.00
01:32:45.000 So either you're dead, either you die, and by the way, it's the most potent toxin of any spider. 1.00
01:32:51.000 So it either kills you, or you live and your dick's broken forever. 1.00
01:32:55.000 So both animals break your dick. 1.00
01:32:58.000 No wonder instinctively we're afraid of spiders. 1.00
01:33:03.000 You can see just a tiny spider, like, because some of those can fuck you up. 0.97
01:33:09.000 Yeah, there's genetic memories. 0.90
01:33:10.000 I'm absolutely convinced, and I've read about it before.
01:33:14.000 This guy, Rupert Sheldrake, was talking about, I believe he's an evolutionary biologist, and he was talking about how animals are what people are really terrified of, monsters.
01:33:24.000 No matter what the real dangers of your environment, if you're a child and you live in New York City, You're not worried about car accidents or rapists.
01:33:31.000 You're worried about monsters. 0.99
01:33:33.000 And the reason being is because there's some ancient, ancient memories of us when we used to get killed by jaguars and shit. 0.99
01:33:38.000 And we're scared of the night and we're scared of monsters. 0.97
01:33:41.000 Because that's really what they were, man.
01:33:43.000 And the ones that survived of this had carried this incredibly potent, terrifying memory.
01:33:48.000 And it's actually imprinted into people genetically.
01:33:52.000 We have this idea of instincts.
01:33:54.000 People have certain instincts.
01:33:56.000 But then what does that mean?
01:33:57.000 Okay, what does instincts mean?
01:33:59.000 You know something already, okay?
01:34:01.000 How do you know something already?
01:34:02.000 Is it because of past experience of your ancestors?
01:34:05.000 And is it comes through your genetics?
01:34:07.000 Well, how much stuff goes in there?
01:34:08.000 How much information is there?
01:34:09.000 What they've shown is that memes and some ideas, even useless ones like racism, can be transmitted through genetics.
01:34:16.000 So the same thing that causes you to have an instinct to not do something like, don't go near heights.
01:34:23.000 You already know it instinctively.
01:34:25.000 The same thing...
01:34:26.000 You can transmit other ideas into people's heads.
01:34:30.000 You can transmit even talent maybe into people's heads. 0.93
01:34:33.000 It's pretty fucking trippy when you think about it.
01:34:35.000 Because we don't have a documentation of where all our information comes from.
01:34:39.000 How much of your information is from your ancestors?
01:34:42.000 How much of it is from all these people that have lived before you that have made mistakes and learned from them and you sort of have this internal wisdom thing going on because of that?
01:34:50.000 I believe that.
01:34:51.000 Totally, right?
01:34:52.000 Yeah.
01:34:52.000 When you meet someone who's wise beyond their years, is it that they've had an incredibly difficult life?
01:34:57.000 That's a possibility. 0.97
01:34:58.000 Or is it that somehow or another they have gotten a rich history of people who have survived and learned shit and it's incorporated into their DNA? Yeah. 0.98
01:35:08.000 Yeah, and it's very egotistical also to think that, oh, I'm just a smart person or I'm very careful because I'm afraid.
01:35:16.000 It's like, no, you're afraid.
01:35:18.000 You have millions of years of people going, that is bad, that is good, that is bad, that is good.
01:35:24.000 And it's not either or.
01:35:24.000 It's not either or.
01:35:26.000 I mean, you certainly have learned.
01:35:27.000 You certainly are smart. 0.97
01:35:28.000 And some people most certainly do learn better from fucked up situations. 0.94
01:35:33.000 There's a lot of them that absolutely do. 0.99
01:35:35.000 Yeah, I got a lot of buddies who don't learn shit about them. 0.98
01:35:37.000 Man, there's a lot of that going on, man. 0.99
01:35:39.000 Yeah, man. 1.00
01:35:40.000 There's a lot of people that don't ever learn, and you just gotta constantly fucking talk to them about shit. 1.00
01:35:44.000 Dude, come on, really? 1.00
01:35:46.000 What? 1.00
01:35:46.000 Fuck him, man. 1.00
01:35:48.000 What? 1.00
01:35:51.000 I've got a buddy who's got a third DUI. And I'm like, really?
01:35:54.000 Like, third?
01:35:56.000 I don't get that, because I am very bad at drinking and driving.
01:36:02.000 Are you bad or are you good at it?
01:36:04.000 No, I'm really good at it.
01:36:06.000 And I think, I don't know if it's video games.
01:36:07.000 Do you drink and drive a lot?
01:36:08.000 Well, how often do you drink and drive?
01:36:10.000 Well, I mean, I think having a few beers is considered drinking and driving, so I probably drink and drive every day.
01:36:16.000 Whoa! 0.71
01:36:18.000 Dude, listen, first of all, you're just kidding, because people can hear this, and cops listen to this, dummy, if they ever pull you over and go, I'm a fan of the podcast.
01:36:29.000 Get out of the car!
01:36:30.000 What I'm saying is that anytime you go out, you have maybe a couple drinks.
01:36:36.000 You go in your car, that's considered drinking and driving.
01:36:39.000 If you have two beers in you, that's drunk.
01:36:41.000 I know whenever Brian is wrong about something, he gets very excited and raises his voice.
01:36:46.000 How much do you want to bet?
01:36:47.000 I'll bet you money.
01:36:48.000 Two beers is drunk and you get pulled over.
01:36:50.000 Oh yeah, you can't.
01:36:51.000 That's what I'm saying.
01:36:53.000 I can't do cash.
01:36:54.000 A cab, man.
01:36:55.000 That's what I do.
01:36:56.000 What?
01:36:56.000 A cab?
01:36:56.000 If I'm going out anywhere, I'm drinking alcohol.
01:36:58.000 My problem is I don't do the two.
01:37:01.000 If I have two or three even, I'm like, all right, I'm a big boy.
01:37:04.000 I know how to stay in between the lines and stuff.
01:37:07.000 But the problem is if I did get pulled over, of course I could get a DUI. What I want to know is these people that have three of them, is that usually the case?
01:37:17.000 Is your friend blackout drunk driving or is he just screwed?
01:37:23.000 I don't know. 0.97
01:37:24.000 Maybe he's just got bad luck.
01:37:25.000 No, no, no.
01:37:26.000 This guy does not have bad luck.
01:37:28.000 It's the only three times I've ever had more than one drink in my life.
01:37:30.000 No, this guy's got good luck.
01:37:32.000 Oh, really?
01:37:32.000 It's worse than that?
01:37:33.000 Oh, that's scary.
01:37:35.000 After three, he's done because he may go to jail.
01:37:38.000 You're like, oh, I'm never going to do that again.
01:37:39.000 Really?
01:37:40.000 After two?
01:37:40.000 Oh, God.
01:37:41.000 People are scary.
01:37:43.000 Drunks in cars, man.
01:37:45.000 People are scary.
01:37:47.000 That's the real problem. 0.99
01:37:48.000 There's too many of us and we can't help everybody get their shit together. 0.98
01:37:52.000 So you're always going to be around a bunch of people that are broken. 0.98
01:37:55.000 The way our society exists, it's just too goddamn big.
01:37:59.000 It's too big and the competition is too powerful and too strong for us to pay attention to all these people that are falling by the wayside. 1.00
01:38:05.000 So if you don't pay attention to them, well, all these fucking idiots, they're just running around, slamming into people. 1.00
01:38:09.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:38:10.000 You know, and you can't fix them.
01:38:11.000 You can't fix them, man.
01:38:13.000 You can't evolve the whole world. 0.98
01:38:15.000 It's like, God damn, I only got a certain amount of years. 1.00
01:38:18.000 This is ridiculous. 0.99
01:38:19.000 There's nothing you can do to help them. 0.92
01:38:20.000 They have to help themselves, and they don't want to.
01:38:22.000 They don't even think there's anything wrong with them. 1.00
01:38:24.000 You know, like, fuck you, bitch. 1.00
01:38:26.000 Ain't nothing wrong with me, bitch. 1.00
01:38:27.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:38:28.000 Can you imagine you, the end of your life is some idiot who's just like, fucking wasted, gets this car. 1.00
01:38:34.000 I can drive home. 1.00
01:38:35.000 It happens all the time, man.
01:38:36.000 And you just smack it.
01:38:37.000 It's terrifying.
01:38:38.000 And there's so many of them out there that there's almost nothing you can do about it.
01:38:42.000 You just have to be vigilant, keep an eye out, be very careful as you're driving. 1.00
01:38:46.000 Getting connected in any way, randomly, on purpose, to fucking nuts, to people that suck, to dummies. 1.00
01:38:53.000 So many of them out there, man. 1.00
01:38:54.000 We all know them.
01:38:55.000 We all know dudes who are just beyond fixing. 0.99
01:38:58.000 I know a bunch of dudes that if I knew I could get away with it, I'd fucking shoot them right. 1.00
01:39:03.000 Shoot him right in the head. 1.00
01:39:04.000 If I was alone in the woods and it was like Armageddon time and there was no more media and cell phones didn't work anymore and I thought this dude would be a problem, I'd just walk him in the woods. 1.00
01:39:13.000 Come on, let's go for a walk.
01:39:15.000 Yo, man, I saw some deer over here.
01:39:16.000 You want to help me hunt?
01:39:17.000 Yeah.
01:39:17.000 Let's go hunt.
01:39:18.000 What's over there?
01:39:18.000 Boom!
01:39:19.000 Yeah.
01:39:20.000 I remember you said one of the people in Austin scared the shit out of whoever we were with.
01:39:25.000 I can't remember who we were with.
01:39:26.000 Oh, really?
01:39:27.000 They were like, is he being serious? 1.00
01:39:30.000 Kill him. 1.00
01:39:30.000 You do that like in Mice and Men. 1.00
01:39:32.000 You just bring your friend.
01:39:33.000 You're like, look over there.
01:39:34.000 We're going to go to that bar.
01:39:35.000 We're going to pick up chicks all night. 1.00
01:39:37.000 We're going to get wasted.
01:39:38.000 It's going to be a good time.
01:39:39.000 There's certain people, man.
01:39:40.000 And just keep looking there.
01:39:41.000 Pow! 0.91
01:39:41.000 Pow! 0.91
01:39:41.000 Yeah. 0.91
01:39:42.000 There's certain people that you worry when you're around them.
01:39:45.000 There's certain people that you feel like they're going to victimize your loved ones.
01:39:48.000 You know, there's certain people, like, you know, a certain level of criminal, a certain level of violent offender, you know, and random violent offender, like people raping, you know, and beat women up.
01:39:58.000 And then, you know, that could be your mom, that could be your sister, that could be your daughter. 0.99
01:40:01.000 That guy should be dead. 1.00
01:40:03.000 Dead. 1.00
01:40:04.000 Not in jail.
01:40:05.000 Not for a year.
01:40:06.000 Not for a day. 1.00
01:40:07.000 Shoot him and let's move on. 1.00
01:40:09.000 Okay? 1.00
01:40:09.000 We got a broken person. 1.00
01:40:11.000 We can't fix him.
01:40:12.000 Their favorite thing to do is to hurt people.
01:40:14.000 The favorite thing to do is to hurt people that you love.
01:40:16.000 And the vulnerable ones.
01:40:18.000 The women. 0.81
01:40:19.000 Really? 1.00
01:40:19.000 Kill it. 1.00
01:40:20.000 Kill it now. 1.00
01:40:21.000 Kill it with fucking fire or bullets. 1.00
01:40:23.000 Whatever's cheapest. 1.00
01:40:24.000 Fuck him. 1.00
01:40:25.000 Sorry. 1.00
01:40:25.000 Come back as a butterfly. 1.00
01:40:26.000 Suck my cock. 1.00
01:40:27.000 Bye. 1.00
01:40:27.000 Bang, bang, bang. 1.00
01:40:28.000 Fuck you, stupid. 1.00
01:40:29.000 Yeah, you do it humanely also. 1.00
01:40:30.000 He doesn't know he's gonna die.
01:40:32.000 We just go, yeah, yeah.
01:40:33.000 Doesn't even matter if it's humane. 1.00
01:40:34.000 Just fucking shoot him. 1.00
01:40:35.000 His last moments are important. 1.00
01:40:38.000 You know, don't torture him.
01:40:39.000 But, you know, just the police stop. 1.00
01:40:41.000 Shut the fuck up! 1.00
01:40:42.000 Doesn't matter if you yell at him. 1.00
01:40:43.000 You're going to shoot him in the head. 1.00
01:40:44.000 Was it worse to yell at him? 1.00
01:40:46.000 Yeah, right?
01:40:47.000 Well, animals in the zoo.
01:40:48.000 I mean, how many animals in the zoo need to be fed?
01:40:50.000 What are we going to give them steak? 1.00
01:40:51.000 That's stupid. 1.00
01:40:52.000 Give them live chickens. 1.00
01:40:53.000 Give them fucking people, man. 1.00
01:40:54.000 Get some cunts. 1.00
01:40:55.000 Throw cunts in there. 1.00
01:40:56.000 I bet bears would love to eat cunts. 0.99
01:40:58.000 They're tired of berries.
01:41:00.000 They're tired of picnic baskets. 1.00
01:41:02.000 Just throw a cunt in that cage. 1.00
01:41:03.000 Some fucking guy who's been busted for the fifth time drinking and driving and slides into a family of five. 1.00
01:41:08.000 Throw him in that fucking cage. 1.00
01:41:10.000 We will. 1.00
01:41:11.000 Dana White will be in charge of that in the future.
01:41:14.000 It'll be in Coliseum.
01:41:15.000 No, that's when I take over the UFC. Dana's going to retire.
01:41:17.000 They're going to ask me to take his job.
01:41:18.000 I'm going to go, okay, I got an idea, though.
01:41:20.000 Sit down.
01:41:22.000 Listen, after the nuclear war, life is cheap.
01:41:24.000 Dude, I'd watch that, man.
01:41:26.000 Yeah, I would too.
01:41:27.000 That's the problem.
01:41:28.000 If we could go back in time right now to the Coliseum, what would you do?
01:41:32.000 Would you stand up and say, you must stop this.
01:41:34.000 Please, what are you doing?
01:41:36.000 No.
01:41:36.000 You would sit down and you would go, are you going to drink that wine?
01:41:39.000 Yeah, fuck it. 1.00
01:41:40.000 We would be sitting there, we'd be drinking wine, right next to us there'd be some old dude fucking some boy in the ass. 1.00
01:41:46.000 That's how they rocked it back then. 1.00
01:41:47.000 They would just bend them over the fucking rails of the Coliseum and bang them in the ass while the things are going on. 1.00
01:41:53.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:41:54.000 Dude, they were banging little boys left and right back then. 1.00
01:41:56.000 And you just had to look away.
01:41:58.000 Look away and be glad.
01:41:59.000 How long would it take us to be banging boys?
01:42:01.000 Let's say we jump in a time machine and you're like, it's just so culturally accepted.
01:42:05.000 And everyone's doing it. 1.00
01:42:06.000 All of a sudden you're like, fuck it. 1.00
01:42:08.000 And you're like, why am I fucking this kid? 1.00
01:42:10.000 I don't know. 0.99
01:42:11.000 Can you imagine?
01:42:12.000 You're like, oh, well, it's kind of accepted.
01:42:15.000 And then you go back to the future and you're like, what'd you do?
01:42:18.000 Not much.
01:42:19.000 Not much.
01:42:19.000 Powdered wig.
01:42:20.000 That's hilarious.
01:42:21.000 That is so funny.
01:42:23.000 Oh, my God. 0.97
01:42:24.000 How long would it take you to think in jail before you started going gay? 0.99
01:42:27.000 Never.
01:42:28.000 Never?
01:42:28.000 You never go again?
01:42:29.000 Never would go again.
01:42:30.000 What if it was like a really feminine guy, like really soft, hardly any pubes? 0.92
01:42:34.000 Masturbation? 0.87
01:42:35.000 Forever? 1.00
01:42:36.000 Like everyone who says they wouldn't, like, you're like, I'm sure those fucking dudes when they were going to jail were like, I'm not gonna be gay. 0.99
01:42:43.000 And like 15 years down the line, like, well, I feel like fucking something. 0.99
01:42:46.000 I don't think it's 15 days, man. 1.00
01:42:48.000 I think they just start getting their dick sucked right away. 1.00
01:42:50.000 Fuck it, we're in. 1.00
01:42:51.000 In the Mexican community, they call it gay for the stay. 1.00
01:42:55.000 There's a thing with a lot of people that go to jail and do some gay shit, but they only do it in jail. 0.99
01:43:00.000 When they get out, they're not gay at all. 0.99
01:43:01.000 You ever see that American Me, that Edward James Almost movie?
01:43:05.000 There was a lot of that going on in that movie. 1.00
01:43:07.000 Like, he would come out, he was all fucked up sexually, just wanted to rape chicks, bang them in the ass, because that's how you'd get guys in jail. 1.00
01:43:13.000 Yeah, it was a really creepy movie, man. 1.00
01:43:16.000 It was like a first real exposure to the Mexican gang culture that I ever had, or any L.A. gang culture, you know?
01:43:23.000 That and Colors.
01:43:24.000 I watched a music video for Colors the other day, and I forgot about that movie.
01:43:28.000 Colors, Colors, Colors.
01:43:29.000 I am a night man walking, psychopath talking.
01:43:32.000 Colors, Colors, Colors.
01:43:32.000 It was Ice-T before he played a cop on TV. Isn't that the most ridiculous shit ever?
01:43:36.000 Ice-T is a cop on TV. He's like, what? 1.00
01:43:39.000 How did that happen?
01:43:40.000 He had a song called Cop Killer.
01:43:42.000 A song, okay?
01:43:43.000 It wasn't a part he was playing. 1.00
01:43:44.000 He wrote that shit. 1.00
01:43:45.000 You know? 1.00
01:43:46.000 I'm a motherfucking cop killer! 1.00
01:43:48.000 I remember Ice-T was in a rock band for a while. 0.99
01:43:51.000 Do you remember that?
01:43:52.000 Oh yeah, Body Count. 0.99
01:43:53.000 Body Count, Body Motherfucking Count. 1.00
01:43:56.000 That was some hard core shit. 1.00
01:43:58.000 I met him at the Comedy Store one night. 1.00
01:43:59.000 He was in the audience at the Comedy Store one night.
01:44:01.000 He was cool.
01:44:02.000 I made some joke.
01:44:03.000 I forgot what it was.
01:44:04.000 I was a big Ice-T fan when I was a kid.
01:44:06.000 I used to listen to newspapers.
01:44:07.000 I used to listen to Ice-T's rap albums. 1.00
01:44:10.000 Let's Get Buck Naked and Fuck. 1.00
01:44:11.000 Yeah, yeah. 1.00
01:44:13.000 Holy shit. 1.00
01:44:14.000 He had some great shit. 1.00
01:44:15.000 It's just so weird seeing him playing a cop. 1.00
01:44:16.000 It's like, what?
01:44:17.000 Huh?
01:44:18.000 Ice-T is playing a dad.
01:44:20.000 You kids sit down back there?
01:44:23.000 Yeah, he's not Ice-Q. Ice-Q, rather.
01:44:26.000 He's playing a dad.
01:44:27.000 Like, man.
01:44:28.000 I mean, he is a dad.
01:44:29.000 I understand all that. 1.00
01:44:30.000 But god damn, dude. 0.99
01:44:31.000 If EZU were alive, he'd be like on Two and a Half Men or something. 1.00
01:44:35.000 If EZU was alive, he'd take a dick out of his mouth and go, will you stop that? 1.00
01:44:39.000 That's gay. 1.00
01:44:41.000 Yeah, Body Count had this song where he kills his mom, chops her up, flushes her down the toilet. 1.00
01:44:46.000 We were kids going, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? 0.99
01:44:50.000 He went as dark as he could. 0.99
01:44:51.000 Oh, yeah, man.
01:44:52.000 It was Eazy-E, the first guy to ever die from AIDS. In the world or just the rapper?
01:44:56.000 No, in the entertainment world.
01:44:58.000 Was it Arthur Ashe or was it Eazy-E? I don't remember.
01:45:01.000 Who died first?
01:45:02.000 I think Eazy-E is the first one I know of.
01:45:03.000 Did Arthur Ashe die of AIDS, right?
01:45:04.000 Yeah.
01:45:07.000 Eazy-E was one of the rare ones.
01:45:08.000 I remember when Eazy-E died of AIDS. I was like, holy shit. 0.99
01:45:11.000 I always thought this was just the beginning and I'm looking down the line at some Mad Max situation where I'm walking around town with one of those Chinese face mask things on. 0.97
01:45:21.000 You always see the Chinese people at the airports. 1.00
01:45:23.000 I'm like, what the fuck, man? 1.00
01:45:24.000 Is this really going to happen? 1.00
01:45:25.000 Like, everyone's just going to start dropping like flies?
01:45:27.000 And then it just stopped. 0.98
01:45:28.000 And you're like, what the fuck was Eazy-E doing? 0.97
01:45:31.000 That Magic Johnson wasn't. 1.00
01:45:32.000 He was not fucking the flashlight, man. 0.98
01:45:34.000 It's weird, man. 0.97
01:45:35.000 It's weird, right? 0.98
01:45:36.000 Yeah, what the fuck's up with Magic Johnson? 0.96
01:45:38.000 Like, I'm kind of creeped out. 0.99
01:45:39.000 It's crazy.
01:45:40.000 Yeah.
01:45:41.000 I've heard a bunch of different stories, so I can't really comment.
01:45:43.000 I've heard stories about him taking medication.
01:45:45.000 I've heard stories that he doesn't need the medication anymore.
01:45:47.000 And then I heard he stopped taking the medication and his symptoms started reoccurring.
01:45:52.000 The weird thing is that he tests negative, apparently.
01:45:55.000 He tests HIV negative.
01:45:57.000 Because the way HIV works is what you can really test is you can test for the antibodies.
01:46:02.000 I don't think they can accurately test for the actual antibodies.
01:46:06.000 You know, the virus inside you.
01:46:08.000 Very tricky.
01:46:09.000 Well, the first guy ever, who was HIV positive, it's not clear how it happened, but the first HIV positive, they cured it somewhere in Sweden or something.
01:46:23.000 Oh, with stem cells, right?
01:46:24.000 Yeah, with the stem cells, right?
01:46:26.000 Yeah, that was recently.
01:46:27.000 Yeah, like a month ago or so. 0.99
01:46:30.000 It's amazing how much shit they can accomplish with stem cells. 0.98
01:46:32.000 They have to dance around stuff. 0.99
01:46:34.000 Like the skin gun, have you heard about this thing that they've got? 0.99
01:46:37.000 There's a new thing that they've figured out how to do where they can actually take cultures from your skin, they reproduce with your own stem cells, and then they spray it in sort of a gun on your skin where it's burnt.
01:46:51.000 And it only takes like a certain amount of time to cultivate, like an hour or two to cultivate.
01:46:55.000 They can do it really quickly.
01:46:56.000 They reproduce this stuff and then they spray it on you and it radically cuts down healing time.
01:47:01.000 Radically. 0.98
01:47:02.000 Like they showed this one guy who had been burnt in a fire and then he looked like he didn't have a fucking scratch on him. 0.99
01:47:07.000 They showed images of this guy, giant blistering second degree burns, big welts all over his hand and shit. 0.99
01:47:13.000 Well, they spray this shit on him, man, and it builds like within four days. 0.99
01:47:17.000 You've got like new skin and it looks healed. 1.00
01:47:19.000 It's a trip.
01:47:21.000 And it's all stem cells. 0.99
01:47:22.000 It's too bad he's going to hell, though. 0.84
01:47:24.000 It's from his own body, though. 0.96
01:47:25.000 This is what people don't understand.
01:47:26.000 You don't have to kill babies to get stem cells.
01:47:28.000 Yeah, everyone thinks that everything comes from the fetus, but you don't have to. 0.96
01:47:32.000 Now they have a way to reverse it, like to take your own and reverse it to like it's, I don't, I fucking don't know how it works.
01:47:38.000 What people thought was that they were going to encourage abortion because people needed babies. 0.75
01:47:42.000 They needed stem cells from fetuses.
01:47:44.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:47:45.000 You know, goddamn, man. 1.00
01:47:46.000 Let them work with shit. 1.00
01:47:48.000 It's like these nutty Christians that have these kooky ideas about what they should and shouldn't do with tissue and cells. 1.00
01:47:54.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00
01:47:54.000 What should you do? 1.00
01:47:55.000 If a girl has an abortion, should you just flush it? 1.00
01:47:58.000 You're telling me there's something that you can learn in there that can unlock the secret to immortality or cure cancer or whatever the fuck it can do. 0.99
01:48:05.000 You're telling me you should just throw it away because it's dead and it's immoral and somehow or another you're profiting off of abortion? 0.99
01:48:11.000 Yeah.
01:48:11.000 But the reality is people are so creepy, they probably would start doing abortion, right?
01:48:16.000 They would start encouraging them, like, you want a baby? 1.00
01:48:18.000 You want a fucking baby? 1.00
01:48:19.000 Holy shit, they yell. 1.00
01:48:21.000 Dude, how long before there was abortion porn? 1.00
01:48:23.000 Think about that. 0.89
01:48:24.000 People like just... 0.70
01:48:25.000 How long before there was abortion porn? 0.53
01:48:28.000 We had a porn star on that Naughty Show podcast I did yesterday that was eating out a girl and started bleeding and they were like, you know, she started her period and found out it was a miscarriage in her mouth. 1.00
01:48:45.000 So she was eating a pussy, probably two pussies. 1.00
01:48:48.000 A pussy and a pussy. 1.00
01:48:50.000 Guys would pay a lot of money as double pussies. 1.00
01:48:54.000 I'm so sad right now. 0.99
01:48:58.000 I'm so sad right now.
01:49:00.000 Sometimes you're like, man, human beings, man.
01:49:01.000 Wow. 1.00
01:49:02.000 Fucked up shit. 1.00
01:49:03.000 Well, that's not anybody's fault there. 1.00
01:49:05.000 No, no, that's...
01:49:06.000 That was Kayla Page.
01:49:07.000 Support Kayla Page for Penthouse.
01:49:08.000 Oh, you were telling me about her, right?
01:49:10.000 So you've been doing these Naughty Show podcasts.
01:49:12.000 Are you going to keep doing those?
01:49:13.000 Yeah, I'm going to try to do that.
01:49:14.000 Tell everybody about the other podcasts you have, because you have a website, deathsquad.tv, right?
01:49:18.000 Right.
01:49:19.000 That's where they're all located.
01:49:19.000 All the podcasts are there.
01:49:20.000 They're all on iTunes. 0.98
01:49:21.000 People ask us, like, what is this Death Squad shit? 0.99
01:49:23.000 What are you guys, badass? 0.99
01:49:24.000 No, it's totally not that.
01:49:26.000 Opie, from Opie and Anthony, nicknamed us the Death Squad a long time ago.
01:49:30.000 Because I came onto the Opie and Anthony show, and at the time, it was my friend Tate Fletcher, who was on The Ultimate Fighter, and he was on the show at the time.
01:49:37.000 He came with me, and Eddie Bravo, who's the jiu-jitsu guy.
01:49:39.000 So they're just my friends.
01:49:40.000 We were just traveling together.
01:49:41.000 And so they came into the studio and Opie goes, oh, Joe Rogan brought in the Death Squad. 1.00
01:49:45.000 And then we just started like, that's right, we're the Death Squad, bitch. 1.00
01:49:48.000 So juvenile and ridiculous. 1.00
01:49:51.000 And so over the top and retarded. 1.00
01:49:52.000 So we decided to keep it. 0.68
01:49:54.000 Yeah, so we do this Naughty Show podcast. 0.78
01:49:55.000 It's usually a porn star and Sam Tripoli's Naughty Show.
01:49:58.000 And Sam, who's our buddy, who's been on the podcast...
01:50:01.000 A bunch of times.
01:50:01.000 And I did a bunch of touring with Sam up in Canada.
01:50:04.000 We did Toronto together.
01:50:05.000 Sam's awesome.
01:50:06.000 And Jason Tebe.
01:50:08.000 And so anyways, it's once a week.
01:50:10.000 And Jason Tebe's awesome too.
01:50:11.000 I don't want to leave you out there, dude.
01:50:12.000 You know I love you.
01:50:13.000 Anyways, we're all at Desquad.TV. And so is all the pilots.
01:50:16.000 We do a lot of pilots. 0.86
01:50:17.000 And they also do, whenever there's a UFC, they get hammered and they watch the UFC together and do their own coinciding podcast, like talking shit about fights as they go down.
01:50:26.000 And sometimes you even had Joey on that one once, right? 0.97
01:50:29.000 How fucking fun was that? 0.91
01:50:30.000 It was great. 0.98
01:50:31.000 Well, you get to go watch the UFC with Joey.
01:50:33.000 I have to commentate, man.
01:50:35.000 He sits next to Joey Diaz, you know?
01:50:37.000 That's good.
01:50:38.000 You can't get any better entertainment than Joey Diaz.
01:50:42.000 The last UFC, high on acid, okay?
01:50:45.000 He drops two tabs of acid and watching cage fights, and they all, I mean, what was that like?
01:50:49.000 What was that like sitting there with him for six hours?
01:50:51.000 Well, it's like you're in bed with him because the seats are so small, so you're kind of like on his lap, like holding like a big stuffed animal.
01:50:58.000 So you got that, but then you got like the most hilarious commentary.
01:51:03.000 Ever.
01:51:03.000 And what's cool is that that's what we do on the UFC Drunk House.
01:51:06.000 We pretty much, you know, we'll have some people like that, Joey Diaz and stuff like that, and just getting drunk and watching UFCs.
01:51:11.000 And it's kind of like a commentary.
01:51:13.000 A lot of your fans like to re-watch the UFCs.
01:51:16.000 So it's like, hey, you know, turn it on with our commentary this time.
01:51:19.000 And it's just a bunch of other, you know, comics just doing your job by drinking and smoking weed and cussing.
01:51:23.000 But allow to do it the right way.
01:51:24.000 And do it the right way, yeah. 0.97
01:51:25.000 Well, I can never do it the right way, too, because a lot of things you say when you're fucking around with your friends are very disrespectful. 0.97
01:51:30.000 Right. 1.00
01:51:30.000 You know, you say, goodnight, bitch! 1.00
01:51:32.000 What the fuck? 1.00
01:51:32.000 Fuck I tell you! 1.00
01:51:34.000 You know, hope you brought your jammies! 1.00
01:51:35.000 You know, guys will sit when they're drunk and they're stoned and they're talking shit, but they would never say that to the fighter or want the fighter to hear that or want anybody else to even... 0.99
01:51:42.000 It's only between friends as a goof. 0.99
01:51:45.000 Right.
01:51:45.000 So what Joey could say is so much different than anything I could say.
01:51:48.000 Joey says crazy shit sometimes. 0.99
01:51:50.000 I saw him on the Alex Jones thing. 1.00
01:51:53.000 Oh my God. 0.97
01:51:54.000 I was so fucking... 0.97
01:51:55.000 He's the funniest guy that's ever lived, man. 0.97
01:51:56.000 We did Vegas two weeks ago, dude.
01:51:58.000 He came up and he opens up the show, which is the perfect way to do it.
01:52:01.000 Because Joey's not like an act that likes to do like an hour.
01:52:04.000 Joey doesn't have time to do an hour.
01:52:06.000 His pace, he's got this destructo 15 minute pace.
01:52:11.000 And that's what he does.
01:52:11.000 He doesn't want to do a 45 minute set.
01:52:13.000 So when I take Joey on the road with me, it's like I'm taking another headliner. 0.99
01:52:17.000 I mean, he's a fucking headliner, and he opens, and he goes up and just smashes it. 0.98
01:52:21.000 Dude, he made me laugh so hard, I literally fell down. 0.99
01:52:25.000 I was leaning against a wall.
01:52:27.000 We were all back there.
01:52:29.000 Joey was on stage, and we were in the alleyway that leads the stage where the curtains are at the Lion King Theater in Mandalay Bay. 1.00
01:52:37.000 Big giant ass fucking place. 0.99
01:52:38.000 And we're leaning up against the wall and Joey's killing so hard. 1.00
01:52:42.000 We're all rocking back and forth and dudes are bending over.
01:52:45.000 People are slapping their legs.
01:52:47.000 We're all like moving around.
01:52:49.000 We're standing still, but nobody was standing still.
01:52:52.000 You're laughing.
01:52:52.000 I literally fell down.
01:52:54.000 I fell down.
01:52:54.000 I dropped to a knee.
01:52:56.000 That's awesome.
01:52:57.000 He crushes.
01:52:58.000 He's got this bit about this yoga.
01:53:00.000 He's taking yoga lately and he's a 68 year old lady in his yoga class. 1.00
01:53:04.000 I'm gonna fuck that old bitch. 1.00
01:53:05.000 I swear to God, Joe Rogan. 1.00
01:53:06.000 He's got this bit about it.
01:53:08.000 We were crying laughing, man.
01:53:10.000 He's got this bit about getting in a fight, a true story about a fight that he got in with a nun when he was a kid. 0.99
01:53:15.000 Oh, you gotta fucking see it, man. 0.99
01:53:18.000 Is that the funniest shit you've ever seen? 1.00
01:53:19.000 Anything he says is hilarious. 1.00
01:53:21.000 He's such a fucking treat to hang out with, too. 0.97
01:53:23.000 He's gonna be in Arizona this weekend, too. 0.98
01:53:25.000 Yeah, where's he at?
01:53:25.000 The new club, I believe.
01:53:27.000 No, no.
01:53:28.000 He's on some completely different thing.
01:53:30.000 Yeah, because they got upset with him that he wasn't doing the new club. 1.00
01:53:32.000 And he's like, you're not even open yet, stupid. 0.99
01:53:34.000 Danny Murr got upset with him. 1.00
01:53:36.000 Danny Murr.
01:53:37.000 But Joey, he's one of those guys, man, that just makes you...
01:53:40.000 There's him back then when he was really young.
01:53:42.000 That's when I met Joey.
01:53:43.000 Grab that picture, man.
01:53:44.000 Grab that picture. 0.97
01:53:45.000 For the folks on Ustream, you'll be able to see this.
01:53:49.000 For folks watching on iTunes, I don't know if it's available online anymore.
01:53:54.000 I have to upload it.
01:53:55.000 But this was Joey Diaz when I first met him. 0.95
01:53:58.000 And Joey only weighed like, you know, like fucking 210, 215 pounds. 0.97
01:54:02.000 He's a big guy. 0.98
01:54:03.000 He's always been like a big football player looking guy.
01:54:06.000 And this is him, you know, like right after he started doing comedy.
01:54:08.000 I met him like a couple years after he started when he moved from Seattle to L.A. Was he a comedy store guy?
01:54:14.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:54:15.000 He's just such a fun fucking guy. 0.98
01:54:18.000 There's people that you meet in your life and they're just the life of the party. 0.98
01:54:22.000 No one in my life has ever been the life of the party like Joey Diaz. 0.98
01:54:26.000 I've met a couple of crazy people that are cool to hang around with every now and then, but no one just gets shit jumping like Joey Diaz. 0.92
01:54:32.000 He goes on stage dancing and right away just sets the tone. 1.00
01:54:37.000 He's the fucking man, dude. 1.00
01:54:39.000 He's so fun. 0.99
01:54:40.000 It's so important, man, to have fun, fucking cool people in your life. 0.51
01:54:44.000 Is that the most important thing in life? 0.87
01:54:47.000 It really is, right?
01:54:48.000 More than anything else. 1.00
01:54:49.000 Being some rich cunt who's no friends, that's gotta suck bad, man. 1.00
01:54:54.000 Being some dude, living in some giant fucking mansion, 14 Ferraris, running sweatshops and shit. 1.00
01:55:01.000 Citizen Kane or the social network. 1.00
01:55:04.000 It sucks to be rich and by yourself. 0.96
01:55:07.000 It's gotta be. 1.00
01:55:09.000 What a dumb thing to say. 0.98
01:55:11.000 Is it important to have friends? 0.99
01:55:12.000 I'm Barney.
01:55:13.000 Hi, kids.
01:55:14.000 I love you.
01:55:16.000 You love me.
01:55:17.000 We're a happy family.
01:55:20.000 That's how you see things.
01:55:21.000 When you have kids, you see everything through the eyes of children's shows. 1.00
01:55:23.000 My daughter took a fucking log, a log in her potty the other day that I swear to God looked like Joey Diaz shit in there. 1.00
01:55:30.000 I couldn't believe how big it is. 1.00
01:55:32.000 It's shocking.
01:55:33.000 I almost took a picture of it, but I just thought that's disrespectful. 1.00
01:55:36.000 Put my daughter's shits on Twitter. 0.99
01:55:38.000 I just wanted everybody to see it. 0.99
01:55:39.000 You need to take a look at this.
01:55:41.000 This doesn't even seem normal.
01:55:42.000 Do I need to go to a doctor? 1.00
01:55:43.000 Her shit was like my forearm. 1.00
01:55:45.000 Was that her first big shit? 1.00
01:55:46.000 No, she takes logs. 1.00
01:55:48.000 She's my daughter. 0.68
01:55:49.000 She's a little savage. 1.00
01:55:51.000 She's fucking eating meat and shit. 1.00
01:55:53.000 I bought venison jerky and she just tears into this shit. 1.00
01:55:57.000 She's just chewing up venison jerky. 1.00
01:55:59.000 It's really weird, man.
01:56:00.000 You know, you look at little babies, like the newest baby, Baby Rogan No.
01:56:03.000 2, she's almost nine months old.
01:56:06.000 And when she gets food, it doesn't matter.
01:56:09.000 She can eat solid food, but you've got to watch her.
01:56:12.000 You've got to be careful.
01:56:13.000 You've got to make sure that she can't get anything she can choke on.
01:56:15.000 But she always screams for food. 1.00
01:56:17.000 And one of the things she likes to do is get bones. 1.00
01:56:20.000 She likes to put bones in her mouth and lick the bones. 1.00
01:56:22.000 And it's like a big rib bone.
01:56:26.000 And it's just so weird to watch this little baby with a bone from a dead animal and she's completely transfixed on this thing. 1.00
01:56:37.000 She has one fucking tooth, man. 1.00
01:56:39.000 She's got one tooth. 1.00
01:56:39.000 And she's gnawing at this bone with this meat on it. 1.00
01:56:42.000 And like, if you try to take it from her, she will fucking scream. 0.99
01:56:45.000 I mean, scream. 1.00
01:56:47.000 The baby wants the murdered animal.
01:56:49.000 You know?
01:56:49.000 Just instinctual.
01:56:51.000 More than anything else.
01:56:52.000 I've given her apples.
01:56:53.000 I've given her bananas. 1.00
01:56:55.000 I've given her a bunch of shit before. 1.00
01:56:56.000 And she likes it. 1.00
01:56:57.000 It's all good.
01:56:57.000 It's all nice.
01:56:58.000 But nothing like that bone.
01:56:59.000 You give her a bone. 0.69
01:57:00.000 It's just like giving a dog a bone.
01:57:01.000 You know?
01:57:02.000 You give a dog dog food, they're like, hey, thanks for the dog food.
01:57:05.000 Yeah.
01:57:05.000 You give a dog a bone and you test what your relationship is with him.
01:57:09.000 You know?
01:57:10.000 Because you might want to take that back.
01:57:12.000 I want that bone back. 1.00
01:57:13.000 Oh, what's up, bitch? 1.00
01:57:15.000 I found your line. 1.00
01:57:16.000 This is the line.
01:57:18.000 My dog bit me a few times, taking his bone.
01:57:20.000 Really?
01:57:20.000 Yeah.
01:57:21.000 Well, he was a biter. 1.00
01:57:22.000 I got him at the shelter.
01:57:24.000 Oh, wow.
01:57:24.000 And right away, he was biting.
01:57:25.000 I was like, fuck, I got a biter. 1.00
01:57:27.000 How old was he? 1.00
01:57:27.000 He was a year and a half. 1.00
01:57:29.000 Whoa.
01:57:29.000 Yeah, he'd bite like...
01:57:31.000 No, no, small.
01:57:32.000 What kind of dog?
01:57:33.000 Like 25. He was...
01:57:35.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:57:37.000 A Boston Terrier and... 1.00
01:57:40.000 A Cocker Spaniel. 1.00
01:57:41.000 So it kind of looked like a baby lab, but he was fucked up in the head, man. 0.99
01:57:46.000 And young boys, like teenage boys, he did not like. 1.00
01:57:50.000 He had some fucked up owners, for sure. 0.99
01:57:52.000 He couldn't sit, give the paw. 0.99
01:57:54.000 I taught him that in 15 minutes, but he was clueless when I got him. 0.99
01:57:58.000 So he was kind of fucked up. 0.92
01:58:00.000 How long have you had him now? 1.00
01:58:01.000 You know, he's dead.
01:58:03.000 He died like last year.
01:58:05.000 Sorry.
01:58:05.000 No, no, not at all.
01:58:06.000 You have to say sorry.
01:58:07.000 I'm not really sorry.
01:58:08.000 You're not sorry about my dead dog.
01:58:11.000 You need to high-five them.
01:58:12.000 Hey, man, my dog's died too, dude, alright?
01:58:14.000 You're like, yeah.
01:58:14.000 You ain't the only one, bro.
01:58:15.000 Fucking dead dog. 1.00
01:58:16.000 You ain't the only one, bro. 1.00
01:58:19.000 But yeah, he'd bite them. 1.00
01:58:20.000 And fucking, the bone. 1.00
01:58:22.000 The bone and the weed, man. 1.00
01:58:24.000 And I don't get my dog stoned.
01:58:26.000 I'm not one of those guys that, hey, Jake, I'm gonna get my dog stoned. 0.99
01:58:28.000 But I'd see him, and all of a sudden he's stoned, and I'm like, fuck, I had a piece of cookie. 0.99
01:58:33.000 No! 1.00
01:58:33.000 And he ate the cookie. 1.00
01:58:34.000 I had a dog that was, she was a rescue dog too, and we got her high accidentally once.
01:58:39.000 Me and Joey were in my office in my old house, just hitting the bong.
01:58:43.000 And this is my early weed days.
01:58:44.000 I was just learning how to smoke weed.
01:58:46.000 And I couldn't believe that I'd gone 30 years of my life without knowing about weed, and I was just going overboard.
01:58:52.000 So me and Joey got blasted in my office and the dog was so paranoid.
01:58:58.000 It was so crazy.
01:58:59.000 She was running from everything and hiding under furniture.
01:59:01.000 I couldn't get her to come out.
01:59:02.000 It was weird.
01:59:03.000 I was like, why are you hiding? 1.00
01:59:04.000 I'm like, oh, she's high as fuck. 1.00
01:59:06.000 That dog got a contact high. 1.00
01:59:08.000 They're hanging out with us.
01:59:09.000 It's weird.
01:59:10.000 But it was a rescue dog, too.
01:59:11.000 So her being high was not like a happy puppy that you raised being high.
01:59:16.000 Like if I got high with Johnny, Johnny doesn't have any fears.
01:59:18.000 Johnny's a happy dog.
01:59:19.000 He's got a good life.
01:59:20.000 But you get a rescue dog.
01:59:22.000 That dog was like three or four years old before I got her.
01:59:24.000 Who knows?
01:59:25.000 And she was living on the street in L.A. eating out of garbage cans when they caught her. 0.95
01:59:28.000 And she had mange.
01:59:29.000 Her body was covered in mange when I first got her. 1.00
01:59:31.000 So I had to treat her with chemicals. 0.99
01:59:34.000 I had it with some sort of medicine.
01:59:35.000 I had to wash her and I had to feed her. 0.79
01:59:38.000 She ate insane amounts of food.
01:59:40.000 She could not eat enough.
01:59:41.000 She was in a voracious appetite.
01:59:43.000 So voracious, she was sneaking out of my house. 1.00
01:59:46.000 Even though I fed her, she's a fat pig. 1.00
01:59:48.000 She was sneaking out of my house. 0.99
01:59:50.000 She had a hole that she found where she would go under the fence, she would go to the neighbor's house, tip over their garbage, eat their garbage, And then sneak back in the yard, and I had no idea she was doing it. 1.00
02:00:00.000 She was doing it forever. 1.00
02:00:00.000 I'm like, this dog's fat as fuck. 1.00
02:00:01.000 I'm giving her diet dog food. 1.00
02:00:03.000 She's fatter, man. 1.00
02:00:04.000 What the fuck is happening? 1.00
02:00:05.000 She just kept eating. 1.00
02:00:06.000 Clever dog, man.
02:00:07.000 Clever dog.
02:00:07.000 Well, they have this thing where they feel like they're never going to have enough food.
02:00:11.000 They can't stop eating.
02:00:12.000 They will keep eating until they get sick.
02:00:14.000 She got into a bag once.
02:00:16.000 She ate a bag of dog food and just ate so much that her whole body was hard.
02:00:22.000 Like, it was the weirdest thing ever.
02:00:24.000 It's like, her stomach was hard.
02:00:25.000 I was worried about her.
02:00:26.000 And she threw up, and then she would eat the throw-up. 0.68
02:00:28.000 I mean, it's like, she couldn't...
02:00:30.000 She was never satisfied.
02:00:31.000 Yeah, and I think it's the same kind of thing is happening when you leave and when you come back.
02:00:37.000 Like, you walk in, literally they're so happy that you came back.
02:00:39.000 Because they can't...
02:00:40.000 They're eating, like, oh, I don't know.
02:00:42.000 Tomorrow I may not eat.
02:00:43.000 He just left.
02:00:44.000 He's probably not coming back. 1.00
02:00:46.000 Fuck, I'm fucked. 1.00
02:00:46.000 I'm alone again. 1.00
02:00:47.000 And then all of a sudden you come back. 1.00
02:00:48.000 What the fuck? 1.00
02:00:49.000 You came back? 1.00
02:00:51.000 When you think about some dogs where they've done tests where they show that when owners are coming home, that the dogs respond, even when they're coming home at not normal hours, unusual hours, that through hidden cameras they've found that dogs can anticipate when their masters are coming home.
02:01:06.000 Really?
02:01:07.000 From how, like...
02:01:08.000 I believe it.
02:01:08.000 Driving.
02:01:09.000 Driving in their car on the way over there.
02:01:11.000 Really?
02:01:11.000 Yeah, and it's not like a lot of dogs.
02:01:12.000 I don't think it's...
02:01:13.000 But it's enough that, you know, you have to go, well, what is this?
02:01:16.000 What's going on here?
02:01:17.000 Are they smelling it?
02:01:18.000 Cabo used to, like, be sleeping on the couch.
02:01:21.000 And then, like, he would just immediately wake up and then just, like, sit by the door.
02:01:25.000 And, like, ten minutes later, my girlfriend would walk in the door. 1.00
02:01:27.000 It was always so weird, and I always thought it was just the time, because the time was always kind of around the same time. 0.99
02:01:34.000 The dog doesn't have a fucking watch. 1.00
02:01:36.000 It's ridiculous. 1.00
02:01:37.000 Yeah, but the dog looks around and goes, okay, when it starts, the big rock that is bright outside goes down, and then he starts playing with that machine over there that makes the food. 0.72
02:01:48.000 That kind of problem, that means it figures out its own way.
02:01:53.000 Maybe.
02:01:53.000 Maybe.
02:01:53.000 I don't know, because what they showed was hidden camera footage.
02:01:57.000 The dog would respond and get up and start walking around as the owner was coming home.
02:02:04.000 It's a trip, man.
02:02:05.000 You wonder, what kind of a weird connection is it with dogs?
02:02:08.000 They're just always so happy, always excited to see you. 1.00
02:02:11.000 This weird fucking relationship you have. 1.00
02:02:14.000 They require food from you. 1.00
02:02:16.000 What a weird psychic connection you have to this strange animal.
02:02:20.000 They know when you're coming home. 1.00
02:02:21.000 The fuck is going on, man? 1.00
02:02:23.000 Yeah, well, who's to say? 1.00
02:02:24.000 There isn't, you know?
02:02:25.000 Who's to say?
02:02:26.000 Who's to say?
02:02:27.000 Who knows?
02:02:29.000 All right.
02:02:29.000 That's about it, right?
02:02:30.000 I guess so.
02:02:31.000 That's good.
02:02:32.000 That's the way to end it.
02:02:33.000 Where are you at, man?
02:02:34.000 When's the next time someone can see you?
02:02:36.000 I'm going to be in Minneapolis at some theater.
02:02:40.000 Some theater?
02:02:40.000 You don't know where it is?
02:02:41.000 Fuck! 1.00
02:02:41.000 I don't know. 1.00
02:02:42.000 Well, go to...
02:02:43.000 Is it jeanlejoie.com?
02:02:45.000 Yeah, jeanlejoie.com or go to my YouTube page, which is youtube.com slash J-O-N-L-A-J-O-I-E. And they're all there. 0.82
02:02:53.000 And I'm going...
02:02:54.000 It's J-O-N, jeanlejoie.com.
02:02:56.000 Yeah, no H in there.
02:02:58.000 And check it out.
02:02:59.000 And I have a new video I'm working on.
02:03:01.000 It should be out Monday.
02:03:02.000 Can you give us a sneak? 0.67
02:03:04.000 It's called I Am Very Super Famous and is from MC Vagina, the guy who brought you Show Me Your Genitals and I Kill People. 1.00
02:03:14.000 When is this going to be out? 0.87
02:03:16.000 Monday morning, I'm hoping.
02:03:18.000 I'm still editing it now.
02:03:19.000 Do you do everything yourself?
02:03:20.000 Shoot it, direct it, edit it, write it?
02:03:22.000 That's awesome, man. 1.00
02:03:23.000 Do you have High as Fuck on there? 1.00
02:03:25.000 We're going to end this with High as Fuck. 0.99
02:03:27.000 This weekend, Friday night and Sunday night, we're going to be at Sal's Comedy Hole on Melrose. 0.99
02:03:32.000 It's a little tiny spot.
02:03:33.000 It's only like 80 people. 0.99
02:03:35.000 We're just going to go there and fuck around. 0.99
02:03:36.000 Doug Benson's coming too. 1.00
02:03:37.000 Doug Benson's coming?
02:03:38.000 Oh, beautiful.
02:03:38.000 Brian's going to be there.
02:03:39.000 Little Esther's going to be there.
02:03:40.000 Who else?
02:03:41.000 Is Ari coming?
02:03:41.000 Sam Tripoli.
02:03:42.000 I called Ari today.
02:03:43.000 I haven't talked about it.
02:03:43.000 Ari might be coming too.
02:03:44.000 Ari's doing sets all over town. 0.55
02:03:46.000 Steve's going to come down?
02:03:47.000 Awesome.
02:03:47.000 Jason Tebow.
02:03:48.000 Very funny.
02:03:49.000 So that's it.
02:03:49.000 Next weekend, we're doing Brea, the Improv at Brea.
02:03:54.000 It will sell out, so get tickets if you want to.
02:03:56.000 Get them in advance. 0.86
02:03:57.000 And then in Australia, at Rudy Hill, that place that I'm doing, it's called It's called an RSL club, whatever the fuck that is. 0.82
02:04:05.000 I don't know what that is. 0.95
02:04:06.000 I'm not sure.
02:04:07.000 It's like an Italian club or something like that.
02:04:08.000 Well, no, it's like a veterans thing.
02:04:10.000 But they just added a second show.
02:04:12.000 There was an 8 o'clock show.
02:04:14.000 It's sold out.
02:04:15.000 So now there's a 10 o'clock show.
02:04:16.000 And that is Saturday the 26th, which will be like the 25th here or something like that.
02:04:24.000 It's real weird.
02:04:24.000 They're like a whole day ahead.
02:04:27.000 Have you done shows in Australia?
02:04:28.000 Yeah, it's fun.
02:04:28.000 Yeah, I'm booking some now.
02:04:30.000 I haven't been. 0.97
02:04:30.000 Fucking great, man. 0.97
02:04:32.000 Sydney's fun. 1.00
02:04:33.000 They don't give a fuck. 0.99
02:04:34.000 The men are men. 1.00
02:04:35.000 The women are women. 1.00
02:04:36.000 There's dangerous animals everywhere. 1.00
02:04:38.000 There's crocodiles and shit. 1.00
02:04:39.000 I love it there, man. 0.99
02:04:41.000 It's a great time. 0.99
02:04:42.000 And the people are friendly as fuck. 0.99
02:04:43.000 I enjoy the shit out of it. 0.99
02:04:45.000 So that's it. 0.82
02:04:47.000 Tickets go on sale for Seattle.
02:04:49.000 I'm playing the Moore Theater.
02:04:50.000 And the Moore Theater in...
02:04:53.000 I think it's in March.
02:04:55.000 Um...
02:04:57.000 Yes.
02:04:58.000 March 25th, they go on sale on Friday.
02:05:00.000 All right.
02:05:01.000 Thank you, everybody, for everything.
02:05:02.000 Next week, we're going to have Pete Johansson, a very funny comedian from Canada.
02:05:06.000 Do you know Pete?
02:05:07.000 I know of him.
02:05:08.000 I don't know him, but he's very funny.
02:05:10.000 He's hilarious.
02:05:11.000 He'll be here, and who knows who else, and eventually I'll get Dave Foley, and I've got to call Boss Rootin. 0.97
02:05:16.000 All right, bitches. 1.00
02:05:18.000 That's the end of the show. 0.99
02:05:20.000 I'll see you in a couple days.
02:05:22.000 Oh, thank you, Fleshlight, for sponsoring us and keeping the lights on.
02:05:25.000 We love you, and you love us, and that's how it should be.
02:05:29.000 Go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link.
02:05:33.000 Brian's like my mom.
02:05:34.000 He's like my mom.
02:05:34.000 He's great.
02:05:35.000 Keep me in line.
02:05:36.000 Go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link, and enter in the code word ROGAN. You get 15% off.
02:05:41.000 All right.
02:05:42.000 Thank you, everybody. 1.00
02:05:43.000 We love you, bitches. 1.00
02:05:43.000 Thanks for having me, guys. 1.00
02:05:45.000 Thank you.
02:05:45.000 Jean Lajoie, you are the man.
02:05:47.000 You ever watch the sun go down And you're thinking about the world spinning round Have you ever been high as fuck? 1.00
02:05:56.000 You're in the bathroom mirror talking to yourself And your dog's looking at you like you need help Have you ever been high as fuck? 1.00
02:06:13.000 Then you feel your heart pumping really fast And you're convinced that you're gonna have a heart attack Have you ever been high as fuck? 1.00
02:06:27.000 You close your eyes and you're on a chicken farm The only problem is that the chickens have human arms You say that's fucked up, why do the chickens have human arms? 0.99
02:06:40.000 You need snacks, so you walk to the corner store But you're scared because you think that they will know you're high So you walk around the block to buy some time We're good 0.93