The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #84 - Duncan Trussell

00:00:04.000 The Joe Rogan Experience.

00:00:06.000 I miss the girl.

00:00:34.000 Would the girl Joe Rogan experience one?

00:00:37.000 I miss her.

00:00:38.000 I'll switch it up next time.

00:00:39.000 Yeah, that girl. 1.00

00:00:40.000 I miss her.

00:00:41.000 Maybe we'll even throw in a robot one or something.

00:00:43.000 Let's get crazy.

00:00:44.000 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.

00:00:47.000 Excuse me.

00:00:48.000 I just got back from Australia.

00:00:50.000 My body's very taxed.

00:00:51.000 I don't even know who I am right now. 0.99

00:00:54.000 I'm in a fucking fog. 0.97

00:00:55.000 I was on the other side of the planet just hours ago. 0.99

00:00:57.000 I'm here with Duncan Trussell, ladies and gentlemen.

00:00:59.000 Duncan Trussell has joined the podcast.

00:01:01.000 That's T-U-R... Yeah. 1.00

00:01:05.000 Double S, double L. There you go.

00:01:07.000 No, there's an E in there, too.

00:01:08.000 Oh, yeah.

00:01:08.000 Don't say double S, double L. Trussell.

00:01:11.000 Trussell.

00:01:11.000 Duncan.

00:01:12.000 T-U-R-S-S-E-L-L. That's what it is. 1.00

00:01:17.000 He's joined us because he's the fucking greatest podcast guest in the history of the universe. 0.99

00:01:21.000 Ah, come on. 0.97

00:01:22.000 And we've even toned the lights down because Duncan's here.

00:01:26.000 Because I took a nap, I slept an hour in the plane, flew all the way from Australia, it's twelve and a half hours, slept an hour in the plane, took a nap for an hour, and then boom!

00:01:35.000 So, I'm on momentum right now.

00:01:37.000 Right.

00:01:38.000 What's that noise, bro?

00:01:39.000 I don't know, I'm trying to figure that out.

00:01:40.000 It's weird.

00:01:42.000 I don't know.

00:01:43.000 It's all the STDs Brian picked up this weekend.

00:01:47.000 Tuning into the Wi-Fi signal.

00:01:49.000 By the way, Fleshlight, real quick.

00:01:52.000 If you go to Joe Rogan's website, you can click on the banner and it will take you right to the Fleshlight website.

00:01:57.000 And if you put in the coupon code ROGAN, you'll save, what is it, 15%?

00:02:01.000 15% off. 0.96

00:02:02.000 It's a discount masturbation session, Duncan Trussell. 0.98

00:02:06.000 And I successfully got Brody and Danielle Stewart to put their fingers in my really used fleshlight on the drunk cast and smell it. 1.00

00:02:15.000 Danielle Stewart being Jason Thieb's girlfriend, you fuck? 1.00

00:02:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:02:18.000 You're a problem.

00:02:19.000 He's possessed by his aides and it's controlling him to spread it around. 1.00

00:02:25.000 It's like some sort of a parasite, right? 0.98

00:02:27.000 Like that aquatic worm.

00:02:28.000 No, or that mushroom that falls on the ants and the ants go and wander into the pool and drown themselves.

00:02:34.000 I don't know about this one.

00:02:35.000 You haven't seen that?

00:02:36.000 The parasitic fungus?

00:02:38.000 Maybe we're talking about the same thing.

00:02:39.000 No, I was talking about an aquatic worm that grows into a grasshopper's body, gets to a certain size, and then convinces the grasshopper to go swim.

00:02:50.000 Grasshopper can't swim.

00:02:51.000 What is this fungus?

00:02:52.000 This is different.

00:02:53.000 But what is that grasshopper thinking?

00:02:55.000 He's not thinking anymore.

00:02:57.000 What happens is the aquatic worm rewires his brain somehow or another.

00:03:03.000 It's the weirdest, like, how did that work with evolution?

00:03:06.000 There's a bunch of other ones out there, too.

00:03:08.000 I know there's one that makes some bug's head glow.

00:03:10.000 I forget what the bug it is, but it completely zombifies the bug, takes over.

00:03:15.000 What's the matter?

00:03:15.000 Just lift your mic up a little.

00:03:17.000 It's not facing you.

00:03:18.000 I think that might be what the sound kind of distortion is.

00:03:20.000 Really?

00:03:21.000 Yeah.

00:03:22.000 Does that sound better?

00:03:23.000 People at home say, yes!

00:03:25.000 Yeah.

00:03:25.000 People at home on the treadmill.

00:03:27.000 Yes! 0.99

00:03:28.000 Talked to a lot of fucking people in Australia that listened to the podcast. 0.99

00:03:31.000 It was kind of a trip. 0.99

00:03:32.000 You know, because last year when I was there, I didn't have the podcast.

00:03:35.000 I didn't do it.

00:03:37.000 Or if I did do it, it was only like we'd done like a couple of them and nobody knew about it. 0.98

00:03:41.000 But now, you know, when we were in Rudy Hill and I mentioned the podcast and all these people cheered, I was like, wow, like how many of you fucking people? 0.98

00:03:50.000 And then I started thinking about it. 0.71

00:03:52.000 Has there ever been a medium like that where you can just put something online and someone on the other side of the continent can be a weekly listener of this thing? 0.98

00:03:59.000 That's fucking crazy. 0.97

00:04:01.000 No, I don't think so. 1.00

00:04:02.000 It's amazing.

00:04:03.000 Is there a lot of people?

00:04:04.000 Yeah, it's packed.

00:04:05.000 And then we did another show on Sunday night after the UFC. Sunday night the UFC was over at 5 because the way it was set up so it could be live on pay-per-view in America on Saturday night, which is Sunday early afternoon in Australia.

00:04:19.000 So 7 p.m.

00:04:21.000 here is, you know, like...

00:04:24.000 2?

00:04:25.000 2 there.

00:04:26.000 2 p.m.

00:04:26.000 there.

00:04:26.000 Oh, so it was live.

00:04:28.000 It wasn't recorded and reprogrammed?

00:04:29.000 No, no, no.

00:04:29.000 It was live, but we shot it on Sunday.

00:04:32.000 So then we were there Sunday night, and we were like, well, hey, we're going to be out of here at 5 o'clock.

00:04:36.000 So the woman who runs a local club, her name's Jules. 1.00

00:04:40.000 It's called The Laugh Garage.

00:04:41.000 We said, hey, well, let's go do a set there.

00:04:45.000 So we hooked it up, and just on Twitter, packed the place.

00:04:49.000 Really?

00:04:49.000 Yeah, just We just threw out some Twitter messages, said, hey, we're doing an impromptu ninja show.

00:04:54.000 And then we went down there. 0.99

00:04:56.000 All these cool motherfuckers came out. 1.00

00:04:58.000 It was a really fun show. 1.00

00:05:00.000 It was really fun.

00:05:01.000 It's a small place.

00:05:02.000 It only seats like 150 people.

00:05:03.000 And it's real tight and intimate.

00:05:05.000 Just the perfect size comedy club.

00:05:08.000 You know what I mean?

00:05:08.000 Yeah.

00:05:08.000 It's got the perfect vibes, got all the shitty headshots on the wall, all the exact things that you want from a great club, good bar, great owners, people that love comedy.

00:05:17.000 So we did that on Sunday night. 0.76

00:05:18.000 We had a show there. 0.95

00:05:20.000 It was fucking fun as hell. 0.94

00:05:21.000 That's awesome. 0.91

00:05:22.000 Isn't it amazing that you could do that now? 0.95

00:05:24.000 You don't have to fucking go on radio stations, put out advertisements in newspapers. 0.99

00:05:28.000 You just fucking put it on your cell phone. 0.99

00:05:30.000 Hey, I'm going to be here at this time. 1.00

00:05:32.000 Go here.

00:05:32.000 This is the first time I really did it like that, where I did a show from a few hours to, let's do a show in a few hours, ready, go.

00:05:40.000 And it all did it wirelessly from cell phones.

00:05:44.000 It's incredible.

00:05:45.000 The connection that you have with people now is just off the charts. 0.85

00:05:49.000 Yeah, it's causing some insane shit to happen in the world right now.

00:05:53.000 All the stuff in Libya and the Middle East is... 1.00

00:05:55.000 And Charlie Sheen.

00:05:56.000 I blame it.

00:05:58.000 Charlie Sheen. 1.00

00:05:59.000 Apparently, Mrs. Rogan was ecstatic about the newest Charlie Sheen interview because apparently he comes off crazy than a fucking loon. 0.99

00:06:07.000 Yeah, I haven't heard any of it. 0.99

00:06:08.000 He did a new one and he goes, the only drug I'm on is Charlie Sheen.

00:06:12.000 Charlie Sheen.

00:06:13.000 I need to hear that.

00:06:14.000 I need to hear those actual words.

00:06:16.000 Because on the way over to the airport, me and Ari were listening to the one when it was on the Alex Jones show, which, by the way, got him kicked off that show.

00:06:25.000 They canceled production of the show for the rest of the season because of that one interview.

00:06:29.000 I heard just recently he said he's not quitting or he's back on it or something like that.

00:06:34.000 Because I know there was a while they were going to have Amelia Estevez fill in, but then I thought I just said that I read on TMZ that now he's like, no, I'm not leaving the show or quitting the show.

00:06:44.000 Well, it wasn't his choice.

00:06:45.000 It was them.

00:06:46.000 I don't know where you're getting this from.

00:06:48.000 They fired him.

00:06:49.000 Why don't you look that up?

00:06:50.000 Because what they were saying was that they were canceling production of the show for the season because of his erratic behavior and that he needs to seek help.

00:06:59.000 He goes, I'm just tired of pretending that I'm not freaking winning at every corner, at every turn.

00:07:03.000 Just delivering the freaking goods over and over again.

00:07:06.000 And they ask him about piss tests. 0.98

00:07:08.000 And he goes, yeah, I'll pass the first one. 0.97

00:07:10.000 Second one's in your mouth, okay?

00:07:12.000 It's called winning.

00:07:16.000 I'm tired of pretending.

00:07:17.000 I'm here with the goddesses.

00:07:18.000 I'm tired of pretending that I'm not living the perfect freaking life.

00:07:22.000 And I'm out there delivering the goods at every turn.

00:07:26.000 I love him.

00:07:27.000 I love him too, man.

00:07:28.000 I love him.

00:07:29.000 Because you got two archetypes going on with Charlie Sheen.

00:07:34.000 One of them is he's just doing what really powerful guys have been doing for thousands of years when they have a lot of money.

00:07:41.000 They try to establish a harem.

00:07:44.000 That's like a basic thing.

00:07:46.000 That's been in society for a very long time.

00:07:49.000 That's all he's doing.

00:07:50.000 He's just living like...

00:07:52.000 The western version of some Roman emperor.

00:07:55.000 I misread.

00:07:56.000 He was saying that he was going to sue and stuff like that.

00:08:01.000 Meaning, no, he's not quitting.

00:08:02.000 This is not happening.

00:08:04.000 That's not misread. 1.00

00:08:04.000 You didn't read it at all, bitch. 1.00

00:08:06.000 Well, no, that's what he was saying. 1.00

00:08:07.000 That's what...

00:08:08.000 That's what he said, though.

00:08:10.000 Yeah, they don't back down that easy.

00:08:11.000 This is a gunfight right now between him and the executive producer.

00:08:14.000 I know how this works.

00:08:15.000 Did you hear him? 0.99

00:08:15.000 The shit he talked about on the executive producer? 0.99

00:08:17.000 Yeah, he talked a lot of shit. 1.00

00:08:19.000 And he was upset that the guy said something at one of the closings of the show. 1.00

00:08:22.000 He said, you know, that I eat right, I exercise, I get my colon checked twice a year.

00:08:28.000 If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm going to be really pissed.

00:08:30.000 I would think that's funny.

00:08:32.000 I would take that as a joke if I was Charlie.

00:08:34.000 I would be like, you know, I mean...

00:08:36.000 He's going out Hunter S. Thompson style, man.

00:08:39.000 Yeah.

00:08:39.000 In front of the whole world to see.

00:08:41.000 Yep. 0.97

00:08:42.000 I'm delivering the freaking goods at every turn. 0.95

00:08:44.000 Okay? 0.96

00:08:45.000 It's called winning.

00:08:48.000 He's got that long breath that he does.

00:08:50.000 It's called winning.

00:08:51.000 Yeah, he's... 0.98

00:08:52.000 Delivering the freaking goods. 0.96

00:08:54.000 This stuff on paper is a lot better than when you hear it live. 0.95

00:08:58.000 Find the interview.

00:09:00.000 Find the most recent one. 0.98

00:09:02.000 Because apparently it's just fucking gold. 1.00

00:09:03.000 And he looks crazy as shit. 1.00

00:09:05.000 And his eyeballs are bugging out while he's talking. 1.00

00:09:08.000 The only drug I'm on is Charlie Sheen. 0.79

00:09:10.000 He just did a piss test for Radar Online.

00:09:13.000 And it came up negative.

00:09:14.000 Like he flew from the Bahamas and pissed in a cup in front of him.

00:09:17.000 Supposedly.

00:09:18.000 I don't think cocaine stays in your system that long.

00:09:20.000 That's not that impressive.

00:09:21.000 No, they had a list.

00:09:22.000 They said that it would have...

00:09:23.000 Well, I mean, I'm sure he's got...

00:09:25.000 There's a trick or something, I'm sure, so that it doesn't show up.

00:09:28.000 Well, maybe he's not. 0.99

00:09:28.000 Maybe he's just crazy. 0.99

00:09:29.000 Maybe he's not even hot. 0.90

00:09:30.000 Do you want to hear audio from this morning?

00:09:31.000 He's on the Today Show.

00:09:32.000 Yes. 0.98

00:09:34.000 Delivering the freaking goods. 0.98

00:09:36.000 I'm going to get a Charlie Sheen impression. 0.98

00:09:37.000 I'm working on it.

00:09:38.000 Sounds decent, right?

00:09:39.000 No, that's really good.

00:09:40.000 It's on its way. 0.56

00:09:43.000 I'm tired of pretending I'm not living the perfect freaking life.

00:09:47.000 It's called winning. 0.89

00:09:49.000 The only drug I'm on is Charlie Sheen.

00:09:55.000 You gotta do a little sniffle after it.

00:09:57.000 I'm here with the goddesses.

00:09:59.000 No, that one was good.

00:10:00.000 That was not good.

00:10:01.000 I need to hear them, and then I'll do it.

00:10:03.000 It's like, I need to hear people.

00:10:04.000 There's only a few...

00:10:05.000 I'm not a good impressionist.

00:10:06.000 I'm only good for, like, Joey Diaz.

00:10:08.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:10:09.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:10:09.000 Like, there's a few people cocksucker that I got nailed. 0.99

00:10:11.000 I know where to go. 1.00

00:10:12.000 I know how to fucking talk like them. 0.99

00:10:14.000 Like, Alex Jones. 0.99

00:10:15.000 I can do Alex Jones.

00:10:16.000 Charlie, okay, Charlie, basically, you're clean, and you've been clean now for two years... 0.87

00:10:22.000 I'm tired of pretending I'm not delivering the freaking goods. 0.97

00:10:25.000 Fucking hilarious, dude. 0.98

00:10:27.000 I need to put it all together with some material. 0.98

00:10:29.000 Hey, isn't Sheen a 911?

00:10:32.000 Yes.

00:10:33.000 Oh yeah, a truther.

00:10:34.000 He's gone as far as...

00:10:36.000 Hold on one second real quick while we get over this.

00:10:38.000 Because this is interesting.

00:10:40.000 He's gone as...

00:10:41.000 Interesting.

00:10:42.000 He's gone as far as to write a fake question and answer with Obama, where it looked like an interview with Obama. 0.98

00:10:49.000 When I first read it, I'm like, what the fuck is going on here?

00:10:52.000 And then it gets to the end, and then he tells you that it's fiction, and wouldn't it be amazing if he actually had the opportunity to sit down with President Obama and talk to him about this. 0.98

00:11:02.000 I'm thinking Charlie Sheen might be a government agent.

00:11:04.000 This whole thing might just be his way of being a patriot and really discrediting the 911 truther movement. 0.99

00:11:11.000 And what he's doing is he's just banging all these whores for America. 1.00

00:11:14.000 That's what I'm thinking. 1.00

00:11:15.000 And all the coke and all the whores and all the erratic behavior is really just to make the 911 truther movement look ridiculous. 0.99

00:11:23.000 This is what I think, man. 0.98

00:11:26.000 I think that's high, like 99% probably.

00:11:28.000 Mostly, likely.

00:11:30.000 Yeah, totally.

00:11:31.000 I'm just trying to pretend I'm not living the perfect freaking life.

00:11:34.000 Just delivering the goods at every turn. 0.88

00:11:37.000 He's trim, drunk.

00:11:39.000 He's faking the whole thing, man.

00:11:41.000 He's an agent.

00:11:41.000 He's working for America.

00:11:43.000 Well, this 9-11 truther movement can really fuck up the foundation of this country. 0.88

00:11:47.000 Erode confidence in the base.

00:11:49.000 And so...

00:11:50.000 When Charlie Sheen goes out there on a deep end in Bahamas with a suitcase full of heroin with different color socks on, you know, I mean, Charlie Sheen is out there doing it.

00:11:59.000 Like 30 years ago, the CIA was like, get me a baby Estevez.

00:12:03.000 We're gonna train him.

00:12:05.000 We're gonna get him huge.

00:12:06.000 That's what we're gonna do.

00:12:06.000 We're gonna start him off super legit.

00:12:08.000 Oliver Stone movies, Platoon, Wall Street. 0.97

00:12:11.000 He's going to be a fucking huge, successful mainstream actor. 0.96

00:12:15.000 Then massive just horrors and drugs and then a rebirth on television. 0.99

00:12:21.000 And once we get him on television, then we've hit the final phase.

00:12:24.000 Yeah.

00:12:24.000 Because when he's on television, then he's in the people's homes.

00:12:27.000 And he's a little bit humbled because he's not a movie star anymore, right?

00:12:30.000 I mean, now he's a television star.

00:12:32.000 It's not quite the same.

00:12:34.000 He's already lost a little bit of credibility.

00:12:36.000 Maybe he's already sliding.

00:12:38.000 But then you hear he's making millions of dollars a week, and he's blowing and doing crazy things.

00:12:42.000 Well, now Charlie Sheen's out of control.

00:12:44.000 So then you've got to say, well, okay, why is Charlie Sheen into the 9-11 truth movement?

00:12:48.000 Why is he doing that?

00:12:49.000 Because Charlie Sheen works for the government.

00:12:52.000 It's a perfect plot. 1.00

00:12:53.000 Do you really think they would pay him $2 million a week for that shitbag fucking show? 1.00

00:12:57.000 That show's goddamn terrible. 1.00

00:12:58.000 That show is a goddamn atrocity. 1.00

00:13:00.000 Of course they don't pay him $2 million a week. 1.00

00:13:02.000 This is just the mainstream news reports what the CIA tells them to report.

00:13:06.000 Yep.

00:13:08.000 Okay, I'm in there working for America. 0.97

00:13:11.000 At every freaking turn. 0.98

00:13:12.000 I gotta tell you, man, if you watch that show, I can believe it, because that has to be one of the most miserable shows I've ever seen. 0.77

00:13:17.000 There is something about working at, like, I said this about Grace Under Fire, remember when Brett Butler had that TV show, Grace Under Fire? 0.99

00:13:23.000 Brian, what the fuck are you doing, son? 0.98

00:13:25.000 I can't do anything. 1.00

00:13:26.000 You got your whole shit on autoplay. 1.00

00:13:28.000 Anyway, when Brett Butler was on that show, Grace Under Fire, and she started going nutty, like, throwing fucking glasses of water in people's faces. 1.00

00:13:36.000 I heard a lot of shit. 0.99

00:13:38.000 Like, that was when I was on Hardball, the first sitcom that I was on. 1.00

00:13:43.000 It was, like, even before news radio, when she was going nutty.

00:13:46.000 Just, like, screaming at people.

00:13:48.000 Like, she...

00:13:49.000 There's one thing where they...

00:13:51.000 I believe they canceled the show.

00:13:52.000 This was the infamous statement that she said in front of, like, a table read. 1.00

00:13:56.000 If you fuck your wife the way you write comedy, no wonder why you're divorced. 1.00

00:14:03.000 She apparently said that at a table read in front of network executives and all these people and threw something at them. 1.00

00:14:10.000 That's one of the great getting shows, canceled screaming rants.

00:14:16.000 I've heard two good ones.

00:14:18.000 Chris Titus is a good one and then this one.

00:14:20.000 But Chris Titus is a nice guy, so I won't say his over there.

00:14:22.000 You're going to have to ask him about that. 0.98

00:14:23.000 But man, you gotta look at like, I think that if you look at how being an American celebrity carries with it this bizarre psychological danger, because a pretty large percentage of our celebrities go fucking insane. 0.98

00:14:40.000 Well, when you're working on something bad, you're miserable. 0.99

00:14:43.000 And when you're a good comic, like Brett Butler, as crazy as that bitch was, was a good comic. 1.00

00:14:47.000 She was a legit stand-up comic. 0.91

00:14:49.000 And if you're doing some show that you know is just not good...

00:14:53.000 She was a Bill Hicks fan.

00:14:54.000 She was in the Bill Hicks documentary talking about how great he was.

00:14:58.000 She was stuck.

00:15:01.000 She was stuck making a fuckload of money on something that's absolutely terrible. 1.00

00:15:04.000 And that's some soul-stealing shit. 1.00

00:15:07.000 Like Tim Allen. 0.99

00:15:08.000 Tim Allen was a legit stand-up comic at one point in time.

00:15:12.000 And literally quit it all for that show.

00:15:16.000 Did his show.

00:15:16.000 Did his Tool Time show.

00:15:17.000 Whatever the fuck it was called. 0.99

00:15:19.000 Brian, we got you one right here. 0.99

00:15:20.000 No, I was going to entry this off.

00:15:22.000 Why are you going to do that? 0.99

00:15:24.000 Who gives a shit? 0.99

00:15:25.000 Folks, you hear that thing? 1.00

00:15:26.000 It's called a refrigerator.

00:15:27.000 Don't go crazy.

00:15:29.000 Okay?

00:15:31.000 Problem is, we did that before and then we never plug it back in.

00:15:33.000 Then all my food goes bad.

00:15:35.000 And my pot soda gets warm.

00:15:36.000 That's what I put in front of you, son. 0.98

00:15:37.000 If you're feeling really fucking frisky. 0.97

00:15:39.000 Where? 0.98

00:15:39.000 I didn't know that. 0.98

00:15:40.000 I thought this was ginger grass.

00:15:42.000 No.

00:15:45.000 I was ignoring that for you.

00:15:46.000 Let's go deep juice.

00:15:48.000 Can we hear the interview?

00:15:49.000 Yes.

00:15:50.000 Let's hear some Charlie Sheen.

00:15:51.000 I don't blame Charlie Sheen. 1.00

00:15:53.000 The show he's on sucks. 0.99

00:15:54.000 There's a reason why he's doing drugs. 0.99

00:15:55.000 Okay?

00:15:56.000 That's what I have to say.

00:15:57.000 I said this about Brett Butler back in 94. Let's see here.

00:16:03.000 men's star took his guest and pull any punches here we go tired of pretending like I'm not special tired of pretending like I'm not bitching a total freaking rock star from Mars and people can't figure me out they can't process me I don't expect them to you can't process me with a normal brain the troubled actor also from 2 million to 3 million an episode You want a race?

00:16:24.000 Well, yeah.

00:16:25.000 Look what they put me through.

00:16:26.000 When it comes to any apologies from Sheen, he says CBS execs shouldn't hold their breath.

00:16:31.000 Do you owe CBS an apology?

00:16:33.000 No.

00:16:34.000 They owe me a big one, publicly, while licking my feet.

00:16:37.000 But in his interview with Good Morning America, Charlie said he's clean, sort of.

00:16:42.000 Yeah, I am on a drug.

00:16:43.000 It's called Charlie Sheen.

00:16:46.000 It's not available, because if you try it once, you will die. 0.92

00:16:49.000 Your face will melt off, and your child will weep over your exploded body. 0.98

00:16:52.000 Not so sure that's working for you, Charlie.

00:16:56.000 He's the most amazing guy ever.

00:16:58.000 Wait a minute.

00:16:59.000 Pause.

00:17:00.000 Back that up to the beginning of the interview.

00:17:02.000 And let's go over this again, shall we?

00:17:03.000 As Duncan Trussell, a professional stand-up comedian, and I break down the brilliance that is the man, Charlie Sheen.

00:17:11.000 Charlie Sheen, let's hear it.

00:17:12.000 Tired of pretending that I'm not special.

00:17:14.000 Let's hear that again.

00:17:15.000 He asked to Morning TV, starting with the Today Show.

00:17:18.000 And he didn't pull any punches.

00:17:21.000 Tired of pretending like I'm not special. 0.98

00:17:23.000 Tired of pretending like I'm not bitchin' a total frickin' rock star from Mars. 0.98

00:17:26.000 Pause, please. 0.98

00:17:27.000 Pause.

00:17:27.000 Tired of pretending I'm not special.

00:17:29.000 Did he say bitchin'? 1.00

00:17:30.000 Bitchin' a total rock star from Mars. 1.00

00:17:32.000 From Mars. 0.97

00:17:32.000 I need to listen to that a bunch of times and get it down. 0.97

00:17:35.000 Tired of pretending I'm not special.

00:17:36.000 Okay, let's...

00:17:37.000 For a second, though.

00:17:38.000 And by the way, I kind of feel vile about getting... 1.00

00:17:42.000 The way everyone gets sucked into this shit. 0.99

00:17:45.000 Because, like, it's just gross when the locusts... 1.00

00:17:47.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:17:48.000 Listen, this is awesomeness. 1.00

00:17:50.000 100% pure, unadulterated.

00:17:52.000 There's no need to make excuses.

00:17:53.000 This is one of the greatest occurrences in modern pop culture. 1.00

00:17:56.000 You've got a fucking guy who makes $2 million a year. 1.00

00:17:59.000 Or a week, rather. 1.00

00:17:59.000 And he's imploding in front of everybody with coke and whores and braggadocious behavior. 1.00

00:18:04.000 Okay, so what... 0.98

00:18:06.000 Let's just say, even though he seems to think he's not on any drugs, what drug is it?

00:18:11.000 Is that cocaine in your hair?

00:18:12.000 That's definitely cocaine. 1.00

00:18:13.000 Fuck, whatever he's on. 1.00

00:18:14.000 You can just look at his face and see if he's on cocaine, man. 1.00

00:18:16.000 He's starting to look like a skeleton.

00:18:18.000 He looks completely wired.

00:18:19.000 I'll give that.

00:18:20.000 He looks like Lohan.

00:18:21.000 He definitely looks wired.

00:18:22.000 Or meth or something?

00:18:23.000 It could be meth.

00:18:24.000 I think that's just Cokes.

00:18:26.000 Piles of Coke.

00:18:27.000 Yeah, you think?

00:18:28.000 Yeah.

00:18:28.000 Well, if he tested negative for Radar Online, I don't think you need more than three days clean.

00:18:35.000 I think three days and you'll test negative, especially if you take cleansers and drink water. 0.98

00:18:39.000 So that doesn't mean shit. 0.94

00:18:40.000 When did he test? 0.94

00:18:42.000 Monday?

00:18:43.000 Especially when you're Charlie Sheen, you just go, hey, I'm going to give you $4 million, make this test right, and I'm like, okay.

00:18:48.000 No, we are not. 0.99

00:18:50.000 That's dumb. 1.00

00:18:51.000 He could be manic depressive. 1.00

00:18:53.000 That sounds like someone having either a drug-induced manic episode Or just a manic episode because their brains fucked up from all the blow and they're starting to melt down. 0.74

00:19:03.000 Well, what's amazing about it is there's two things. 0.97

00:19:06.000 One, I wish he was a guy who was doing this that wasn't obviously insane.

00:19:10.000 It would be so cool if he was just really having fun.

00:19:14.000 But it's the way he's doing it that he doesn't realize how that's going to come off.

00:19:18.000 He's like, I'm trying to pretend I'm not special.

00:19:21.000 I'm trying to pretend I'm not delivering the frickin' goods.

00:19:23.000 I'm a rockstar from Mars.

00:19:26.000 You know, like, whoa, what are you talking about?

00:19:27.000 Because you're good at pretending? 1.00

00:19:30.000 Like, what the fuck are you saying? 0.99

00:19:31.000 Like, you should be weirded out by the fact that you have any success. 0.99

00:19:34.000 Anybody that's a performer that's not weirded out by the fact that, how the fuck did I get to do this for a living? 0.80

00:19:41.000 You know, you think you're special? 0.81

00:19:43.000 No one who does...

00:19:45.000 Stand-up or acting or music is truly special.

00:19:49.000 They're just people that may accomplish special things.

00:19:52.000 And the reason why they're doing this is because they're on a path and they get on it and then they get better and then they tune into it and they figure it out.

00:19:59.000 And that might be special, like achieving that level of proficiency with music or with comedy or with acting.

00:20:05.000 That is kind of special.

00:20:07.000 But the person that's doing it, it's just because he kept going.

00:20:11.000 You're not special.

00:20:13.000 The most talented person ever is not really a special person.

00:20:16.000 The acts that they may achieve for whatever reason, whether it's because they're missing some sort of a social thing.

00:20:23.000 Some people don't get nervous around other people.

00:20:25.000 They can open themselves up because of whatever weirdness that happened to them in their childhood.

00:20:30.000 Or some people just have this unbelievably exorbitant need for attention that expresses itself in this really powerful, dramatic performance style.

00:20:38.000 Right.

00:20:39.000 You know, that they can just really do something that really rocks you and moves you because they need you to love them that much.

00:20:44.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:20:44.000 But at the end of the day, even the most amazing one ever, it's just a fucking person. 1.00

00:20:48.000 And anybody like Charlie that really starts thinking they are special. 0.99

00:20:52.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:20:52.000 I mean, I don't know how much of him is just bullshit or how much of it is just him... 0.99

00:20:55.000 Being on fucking Xanax or whatever the hell he's on. 1.00

00:20:58.000 But when you start thinking that you actually are special... 1.00

00:21:02.000 Do you think he's just fucking around also? 0.99

00:21:04.000 Could be. 0.99

00:21:04.000 I mean, think about it. 0.99

00:21:05.000 He doesn't look like you, though. 0.99

00:21:06.000 A lot of people don't care about the fucking media and what the news things are. 0.98

00:21:10.000 He's probably just sitting there getting high laughing about this whole thing, probably. 0.99

00:21:14.000 Don't you think? 0.99

00:21:15.000 I don't think he's taking any of this shit seriously. 0.99

00:21:18.000 I mean, the drugs Charlie Sheen, do you really think he's thinking that? 1.00

00:21:20.000 I think he's sick.

00:21:22.000 Are you kidding me?

00:21:23.000 You don't think there's something wrong with him? 1.00

00:21:24.000 I think he's just fucking around. 0.99

00:21:26.000 He seems a little erratic. 1.00

00:21:28.000 These interviews are erratic, bro. 0.94

00:21:30.000 These are not interviews by a man who has calculated and gone out there and decided, you know, I'm going to act like a loon for a goof.

00:21:37.000 That's not what you've got going on here.

00:21:39.000 Charlie Sheen's not that good an actor.

00:21:41.000 There's no way.

00:21:43.000 You've got an issue now.

00:21:45.000 There's an issue with him.

00:21:46.000 Back that up a little bit and let's listen to that.

00:21:48.000 One more time. 0.71

00:21:51.000 I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching a total frickin' rockstar from Mars. 0.88

00:21:54.000 And people can't figure me out. 0.91

00:21:56.000 They can't process me.

00:21:57.000 I don't expect them to.

00:21:58.000 You can't process me with a normal brain.

00:22:01.000 Keep it going.

00:22:02.000 Keep it going.

00:22:03.000 And he wants a raise from two million to three million an episode.

00:22:07.000 You want a raise?

00:22:09.000 Well, yeah.

00:22:09.000 Look what they put me through.

00:22:11.000 When it comes to any apologies from Sheen, he says CBS execs shouldn't hold their breath.

00:22:16.000 Do you owe CBS an apology?

00:22:17.000 No.

00:22:18.000 They owe me a big one publicly while licking my feet.

00:22:21.000 But in his interview with Good Morning America, Charlie said he's clean, sort of.

00:22:26.000 Yeah, I am on a drug.

00:22:28.000 It's called Charlie Sheen.

00:22:31.000 It's not available because if you try it once, you will die. 0.96

00:22:33.000 Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. 1.00

00:22:37.000 He's not fucking around. 1.00

00:22:45.000 I think he's just having fun. 0.99

00:22:46.000 I'm Charlie Sheen. 1.00

00:22:47.000 I like hookers and porn. 1.00

00:22:48.000 I'm just going to make a mockery of this whole entire fucking bullshit. 1.00

00:22:51.000 Well, there's a little bit of that, for sure. 1.00

00:22:53.000 But there's also the words he's saying. 0.96

00:22:55.000 Those are the words of an insane man. 0.98

00:22:57.000 But somebody needs to animate a guy smoking some Charlie Sheen and his body blowing up. 0.96

00:23:05.000 And his kids coming up and weeping over the corpse.

00:23:08.000 Because that's hilarious.

00:23:09.000 We love when someone's off the deep end like this.

00:23:12.000 We love it.

00:23:13.000 Society, we love it.

00:23:14.000 Lohan.

00:23:14.000 Yeah.

00:23:15.000 This is way better than Lohan. 0.63

00:23:17.000 This is Lohan if she had a brain and she could talk.

00:23:20.000 Lohan's just slurring and stumbling around. 1.00

00:23:22.000 She didn't do shit, dude. 1.00

00:23:24.000 This is a thousand times better. 0.99

00:23:25.000 This is an archetype.

00:23:26.000 And this archetype shows up in religion, it shows up in culture, not to take it too deep, but it's the idea of God coming to earth and his followers eating him.

00:23:37.000 Dionysus, Jesus, it happens again and again.

00:23:40.000 This is a recurring thing, and that's what we do. 1.00

00:23:42.000 We get people really famous, we worship them, we call them idols, and then we fucking kill them. 1.00

00:23:49.000 I got news for you, bro. 1.00

00:23:50.000 Nobody worships Charlie Sheen.

00:23:52.000 I bet they do.

00:23:54.000 No, there are a few.

00:23:55.000 There's a few, like, you know, confused two-and-a-half Ben star fans out there.

00:23:59.000 Oh, I'm sure he's flooded every day with messages from weird, mediocre people.

00:24:04.000 That's why he's tired of pretending he's not special.

00:24:05.000 Yeah, that's what it gets to your head. 0.98

00:24:07.000 What a freaking rock star from Mars. 1.00

00:24:10.000 Especially when you're generating that much fucking money. 1.00

00:24:12.000 It's got to get to your... 1.00

00:24:13.000 He probably was sick of that show. 1.00

00:24:15.000 He's just sabotaging himself to get off that fucking show. 1.00

00:24:19.000 I don't know about that, dude. 1.00

00:24:21.000 That's what I was wondering.

00:24:22.000 This is going to carry on much further than that.

00:24:24.000 There's obviously some sort of a bad relationship between him and the guy who's the executive producer of the show.

00:24:29.000 But that's really normal.

00:24:30.000 What's that guy's name?

00:24:31.000 I don't know.

00:24:32.000 I can't remember.

00:24:32.000 Yeah, that's really normal, though.

00:24:34.000 That shit happens all the time. 0.99

00:24:35.000 I've seen it happen. 1.00

00:24:36.000 There's always a battle of egos between the talent.

00:24:38.000 No way.

00:24:39.000 Really? 1.00

00:24:40.000 I unplugged that fucking thing. 1.00

00:24:42.000 I swear to God I did. 1.00

00:24:44.000 Don't answer it.

00:24:44.000 I have to.

00:24:45.000 I'm in your house.

00:24:47.000 I'm calling you from your house.

00:24:51.000 Joe pretty much cock-blocked us for the Charlie Sheen interview, though.

00:24:57.000 We could still get him.

00:24:59.000 So, Doug, how's your podcast doing?

00:25:00.000 Doing good?

00:25:01.000 Yeah, it's doing good.

00:25:02.000 The Lavender Hour on iTunes. 0.96

00:25:04.000 I don't listen to that many podcasts, but I listen to yours because I fucking love... 0.50

00:25:10.000 Anything you do, obviously.

00:25:11.000 Thanks.

00:25:12.000 But you and Natasha work so well together.

00:25:14.000 We just had my friend Emil on the show, and he told me one of the most horrifying stories I've ever heard in my life.

00:25:21.000 What?

00:25:21.000 He almost got raped while he was on acid.

00:25:24.000 He tells this story on the podcast, but it's just the most...

00:25:27.000 And this is a Lavender Hour.

00:25:29.000 Which episode is it?

00:25:30.000 This one, I haven't put it up yet.

00:25:31.000 I'm going to put it up.

00:25:32.000 It just happened.

00:25:33.000 It's just my friend. 0.97

00:25:34.000 It was my friend who's this musician in a band called Om, which is an awesome fucking band and the Holy Sons. 0.91

00:25:39.000 But basically, he just tells the story about getting in the back of his friend's car while he's on acid. 0.86

00:25:44.000 He kind of knew this guy.

00:25:45.000 I didn't know him that well.

00:25:46.000 And his friend's car, the sides of it had been greased.

00:25:51.000 Oh, yeah.

00:25:52.000 You told me about this.

00:25:53.000 So if you were struggling in the back.

00:25:54.000 What?

00:25:55.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:25:55.000 And so he's just starting to trip.

00:25:57.000 In his mind, he's like, okay, I'm probably being paranoid. 0.99

00:26:01.000 This guy didn't intentionally grease this fucking car. 0.99

00:26:04.000 And the guy pulls up into this house and he's like, I just got to do a quick drug deal. 0.99

00:26:10.000 And he goes into the house and Emil goes into the house with him.

00:26:14.000 I guess he didn't want to sit in the car.

00:26:15.000 He's stuck in the car. 1.00

00:26:16.000 He goes in the fucking house. 0.99

00:26:17.000 This guy takes him into a back room where there's a dude in full Michael Jackson costume. 1.00

00:26:25.000 And on the wall is a picture of Janet Jackson naked with candles around it like a shrine.

00:26:33.000 What?

00:26:34.000 Yeah, and his friend...

00:26:36.000 You sure this wasn't all part of the acid trip and he was really just sitting on the couch like watching two and a half men?

00:26:41.000 This happened.

00:26:42.000 And then like one of the guys started like...

00:26:45.000 Dancing next to him, but there's no music playing, and he's doing air dancing.

00:26:50.000 And then both the guys leave for a second and come back, and they're standing right next to him, air dancing.

00:26:56.000 And then the guy pressed play on a CD player and started playing Loser by Beck. 0.94

00:27:00.000 And looking on the wall, there's all these fucking posters on the wall of dudes having three-ways. 0.98

00:27:05.000 And he's like, oh, look, three-way, three-way, three-way. 0.99

00:27:09.000 My friend's tripping out. 1.00

00:27:11.000 They fucking play loser by Beck and start dancing next to him because they're just trying to fuck him and he said he ran from the house screaming. 1.00

00:27:18.000 He ran from the house screaming and he said the guy leaned out the window and yelled to him, don't tell anybody! 1.00

00:27:27.000 That doesn't sound like he was almost raped. 1.00

00:27:29.000 It sounds like he was almost fucked. 0.99

00:27:31.000 There's a difference there, right? 0.99

00:27:33.000 Yeah, that's a good point.

00:27:34.000 There's a distinction. 0.99

00:27:35.000 He got mind raped. 1.00

00:27:38.000 That shit never happens to me anymore. 1.00

00:27:40.000 Thank God. 1.00

00:27:43.000 What, has it ever come close?

00:27:45.000 What do you mean anymore?

00:27:46.000 No, I'm just kidding.

00:27:47.000 Can you imagine just walking into that room and seeing somebody dressed up as Michael Jackson?

00:27:51.000 You've got to be careful when you do acid, man.

00:27:53.000 You leave yourself at the mercy of the universe.

00:27:56.000 Yes, you do.

00:27:56.000 And if you're going to go do acid and then climb in someone's car that you don't know that good, then go to his house.

00:28:01.000 You're up.

00:28:02.000 Or go to the UFC. Or do anything.

00:28:05.000 Do anything where you're going to be out there with a bunch of people.

00:28:08.000 I want to know what Charlie's doing.

00:28:10.000 Right now?

00:28:11.000 I want to know what he's doing.

00:28:11.000 No, no, no.

00:28:12.000 I want to know what he's doing drug-wise.

00:28:14.000 And all these girls are saying cocaine. 1.00

00:28:16.000 I believe it.

00:28:16.000 I'm sure it's cocaine.

00:28:17.000 I'm sure it's just 100% cocaine.

00:28:18.000 It's obviously an amphetamine.

00:28:20.000 It's like maybe Adderall.

00:28:21.000 Maybe he's taking Adderall.

00:28:22.000 Yeah, on top of it.

00:28:23.000 Maybe he's on some kind of pharmaceutical speed.

00:28:25.000 A lot of people are on Adderall.

00:28:26.000 It's the best.

00:28:27.000 But people are on it.

00:28:29.000 Fitzsimmons is on it every day.

00:28:30.000 Oh, really?

00:28:30.000 Takes it every day.

00:28:31.000 I learned how to code an action script on Adderall.

00:28:35.000 Is that good, though?

00:28:36.000 Action script? 0.99

00:28:38.000 Sucks. 1.00

00:28:40.000 I hate it. 0.99

00:28:42.000 No, Adderall's a great trick.

00:28:43.000 It's like scientists studied cocaine and they came up with a wonderful version of it.

00:28:49.000 I took half of one recently.

00:28:51.000 My first time I ever did it.

00:28:52.000 I took half of one.

00:28:53.000 It was great.

00:28:54.000 I took the second half.

00:28:54.000 I felt like I was too much cocaine.

00:28:58.000 You start doing the mouth thing and you have the drips and stuff.

00:29:01.000 It felt like all of that.

00:29:02.000 It was horrible.

00:29:02.000 Yeah, it's a pretty intense drug.

00:29:04.000 And I know people are taking it.

00:29:07.000 I guess it gets prescribed for attention deficit disorder.

00:29:11.000 Yeah.

00:29:12.000 And it does.

00:29:13.000 It focuses you.

00:29:14.000 What's the name of that drug that makes you smarter?

00:29:16.000 What's that called?

00:29:17.000 Nootropics?

00:29:18.000 Is that what that is?

00:29:19.000 Nootropics.

00:29:21.000 Nootropics.

00:29:22.000 Yeah, I love that, man.

00:29:23.000 I love the idea that they're going to come out with a pill that you're going to be able to take and get so...

00:29:27.000 Super, super.

00:29:28.000 Well, what they are, they do have right now, they have supplements that aid the function of the brain, you know, that help you, supposedly help you retain memories and help get blood flow to the brain.

00:29:38.000 I don't, you know, I mean, I don't know.

00:29:39.000 Yeah, there's studies that have been done on certain substances.

00:29:42.000 They've showed some sort of a cognitive advantage in using them.

00:29:47.000 Chris, Chris Marcus, the guy from The Fleshlight, him and I are putting together like a little pack.

00:29:51.000 We're going to try it out. 0.99

00:29:52.000 And what we're doing is like putting together a pack of all the best shit. 0.99

00:29:56.000 All the stuff that's supposed to be really good for your brain and put it in a pack so that you don't have to go buy 20 fucking bottles of things and sort it all out yourself. 0.99

00:30:04.000 That's cool. 0.96

00:30:04.000 Yeah, and so for the lazy, wannabe smart people, you can just buy these. 0.96

00:30:09.000 That's awesome.

00:30:09.000 But what's he going to do if now no one wants to buy a Fleshlight because they're too smart?

00:30:13.000 He quit the Fleshlight.

00:30:14.000 Oh, he did?

00:30:14.000 Yeah, he left.

00:30:16.000 It's his birthday today, by the way.

00:30:19.000 Happy birthday, man.

00:30:19.000 Oh, yeah, Monday.

00:30:20.000 Happy birthday, bitch. 1.00

00:30:21.000 Happy birthday, bitch. 1.00

00:30:22.000 So we're going to come up with some. 1.00

00:30:23.000 So we'll find out.

00:30:24.000 We're going to try them and test them out and see what the, you know, it's one of those weird things though.

00:30:28.000 It's like, how do you know, you know, like I take vitamins and the only way I know that vitamins help me is when I don't take them.

00:30:35.000 If I don't take, I've done that before.

00:30:36.000 I took a couple weeks off vitamins and I felt like flat and everything.

00:30:39.000 I just didn't feel as vibrant.

00:30:40.000 And then I started taking the vitamins again.

00:30:42.000 And then within a week, I was like, whoa, I feel good again.

00:30:44.000 Like, this has got to be the vitamins.

00:30:46.000 It must be.

00:30:46.000 Definitely.

00:30:47.000 It makes sense. 0.99

00:30:48.000 I mean, you're supposed to be eating vegetables all fucking day. 0.99

00:30:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:30:50.000 You're not supposed to be eating cheeseburgers and soda and whatever the fuck you're eating. 1.00

00:30:54.000 Red Bull. 0.99

00:30:54.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:30:55.000 I mean, the amount of vitamins that you're supposed to get is supposed to what you do get.

00:30:58.000 And when you do give yourself what you need, like, man, it's just everything feels clean.

00:31:02.000 Like, it's working smooth.

00:31:03.000 Yeah.

00:31:04.000 So, I don't know.

00:31:04.000 We're going to try this out.

00:31:06.000 And if it works, you know, if it becomes something that's interesting, we'll start selling it.

00:31:11.000 Is that something you have to get, like, I mean, does he have to have, like, some kind of license to do this?

00:31:16.000 Good question.

00:31:16.000 Or is it, like, the supplement thing, you could pretty much do whatever you want to do?

00:31:19.000 Well, it's not a...

00:31:20.000 The thing about it being, like, you know, it's not, like, they're not regulated like the Food and Drug Administration.

00:31:26.000 It's not FDA regulated, you know?

00:31:28.000 It's, like, that's one of the problems with supplements.

00:31:30.000 They can say they do a lot of things that they don't really do.

00:31:32.000 Right.

00:31:33.000 You know, it's...

00:31:34.000 It's hard to tell. 0.98

00:31:35.000 It's hard to tell what the fuck is weird or what's fake. 1.00

00:31:38.000 And then mixing shit. 1.00

00:31:39.000 Yeah, and then at one point in time, they were going to call them nutraceuticals and they were going to have them prescribed. 0.99

00:31:45.000 described, it was a big push that the pharmaceutical companies did, I think it was in the 90s, to try to take over the vitamin business. 0.99

00:31:52.000 When they saw that all these people were spending all this money on homeopathic cures and vitamins and stuff like that and health things, they said, well, hey, we'll just fucking lock that shit down too. 0.96

00:32:02.000 Like Monsanto was going to fucking put a patent on vitamin C and the only way you get vitamin C is from Monsanto. 0.98

00:32:08.000 I mean, that's not outside the realm of possibility with corporate America. 0.91

00:32:12.000 What they've done with food in this country, for folks that don't know, you've got to watch some of the documentaries that are available on Monsanto and see what they've done with What they've basically done is they've genetically modified food so that it doesn't have the same effect when you spray pesticides on it.

00:32:28.000 It doesn't get killed by the same bugs.

00:32:30.000 They have a bunch of different things that they've done to various plants.

00:32:34.000 But once they have this genetically modified seed, you owe them money.

00:32:40.000 This is how it works.

00:32:41.000 You can't just grow plants and then take the seeds from those plants and grow new plants.

00:32:46.000 You're not allowed to do that.

00:32:47.000 It's illegal.

00:32:48.000 You have to buy a new set of seeds from them.

00:32:50.000 And you own those seeds just for that season.

00:32:53.000 You buy them to use them.

00:32:55.000 It's like you lease them.

00:32:56.000 And then this is where you owe the money because their seeds go in the air, the cross-pollination. 0.97

00:33:02.000 And they fucking fly off and land in some other guy's field. 0.79

00:33:05.000 And he starts growing Monsanto genetically modified food. 1.00

00:33:09.000 And then they come in and they go, hey, you got our fucking corn growing, bitch. 1.00

00:33:12.000 You owe us money. 1.00

00:33:13.000 And they just take your money. 1.00

00:33:14.000 I mean, it becomes like a crazy legal battle with these poor fucking farmers. 1.00

00:33:18.000 Right. 0.99

00:33:18.000 You know, and with, you know, you could say that some of them might have stole the seeds. 0.99

00:33:22.000 That's possible.

00:33:22.000 But with a lot of them, it's been proven that it's just cross-pollination.

00:33:25.000 And so then it becomes a real trip because these people might be organic farmers, too. 0.98

00:33:29.000 They don't want this mutant freak fucking genetically modified food growing out of their soil. 0.96

00:33:33.000 Monsanto is trying to, they're trying to not just do that with food, but they're trying to do that with animal food. 0.99

00:33:40.000 They're trying to do that with pigs. 1.00

00:33:42.000 They're patenting pig parts.

00:33:44.000 They're genetically modifying pigs, and then they're going to patent those pig parts.

00:33:48.000 But the problem is there's all this debate about them doing that because they're saying, you're patenting things that have already existed for a million years. 0.89

00:33:56.000 That's absolutely ridiculous.

00:33:57.000 You can't do that. 0.95

00:33:59.000 You can't just patent. 1.00

00:34:00.000 Patent fucking parts of animals and shit. 1.00

00:34:03.000 Can you make an animal that you own? 1.00

00:34:05.000 Like you own the patent to it?

00:34:07.000 And then what if you want to commit genocide on the animal that you own?

00:34:10.000 Are you allowed to just do that?

00:34:11.000 Just shut them all off?

00:34:13.000 You created it.

00:34:14.000 It's yours.

00:34:14.000 It's artificial.

00:34:16.000 Supposedly.

00:34:17.000 Monsanto sounds like the same company that made Robocop.

00:34:24.000 Like they're going to unleash some terrible thing on the world.

00:34:27.000 Yeah, it's a weird thing, man.

00:34:30.000 They filed an invention. 0.98

00:34:32.000 They filed a patent for the new invention, the pig.

00:34:35.000 This is an article on Greenpeace. 1.00

00:34:36.000 It's fucking crazy, man. 0.99

00:34:38.000 It's very weird, man. 1.00

00:34:40.000 Wait, they called their invention the pig?

00:34:41.000 No, it's a joke.

00:34:42.000 I mean, that's the joke title of this, you know, but their patent plans. 0.99

00:34:48.000 Nothing tastes better than Monsanto pig! 0.92

00:34:51.000 They're out to own the world's food supply, man. 0.96

00:34:55.000 It's just amazing that it's gotten to this point where they've let anybody put any sort of a patent on life.

00:35:01.000 I understand that once you start to alter that life, then it becomes a real question.

00:35:06.000 In a sense, you're sort of playing God.

00:35:09.000 You're genetically modifying the structure of a plant to your liking.

00:35:15.000 And then you own a patent on that piece of life.

00:35:19.000 I mean, we're allowing people to patent life. 0.98

00:35:22.000 And if it sounds ridiculous with a pig, well, guess what? 1.00

00:35:25.000 It's just as ridiculous with a fucking head of lettuce. 1.00

00:35:27.000 It's all ridiculous. 1.00

00:35:28.000 But a patent is, you know, the thing about it is... 0.56

00:35:31.000 The most disturbing thing is the idea of some corporation just for profit meddling around with the DNA of things that haven't been meddled with for a very long time.

00:35:41.000 That's bizarre.

00:35:42.000 That's much more bizarre than the patent because the patent is just an imaginary thing anyway.

00:35:47.000 Yeah, well, what's really scary about it is the idea that they can stop other people from growing it.

00:35:53.000 They can stop other people from having it. 1.00

00:35:55.000 I must be naive right now because this shit going on in Egypt and Libya makes me think that The corporate bullshit like that is just such a pipe dream. 0.99

00:36:07.000 They will invoke things like that and there'll be a period of time where the belt gets too tight, but I just don't think it works. 0.99

00:36:14.000 Yeah, I don't know what's going on in Egypt and what's going on in Libya and what's going on in Iran, but I don't think anything really happens without the CIA being involved.

00:36:24.000 Yeah, I agree with that.

00:36:26.000 I don't think these things just start happening. 0.99

00:36:28.000 I think someone, some fucking dude who works for America is over there and he's helping organize shit. 0.99

00:36:35.000 And not to take anything away from the heroic effort that these people have done, especially in Egypt. 0.99

00:36:40.000 Mubarak is gone.

00:36:41.000 And in Libya right now, they're getting gunned down the street.

00:36:44.000 There's videos, I've seen a bunch of them online, of people getting hit by snipers. 1.00

00:36:48.000 It's fucking dark shit, man. 1.00

00:36:49.000 They're just blowing dudes' heads off in the middle of the streets. 1.00

00:36:52.000 Not to take anything away from that.

00:36:54.000 I mean, these people really are doing something courageous, but for sure there's some influence there.

00:36:59.000 For sure.

00:36:59.000 Our government's involved in everything.

00:37:01.000 I think our government does not want what's happening in the Middle East to be happening. 1.00

00:37:06.000 Really? 0.99

00:37:06.000 If there are people out there, if there's some conspiracy, no, because you've got fucking... 0.99

00:37:11.000 Right after everything went down in Egypt, they were showing pictures of Mubarak on mainstream press as though we were kind of a good guy. 0.97

00:37:21.000 I mean, it's so cool to watch mainstream news because it's like they have to spend a few days deciding what tone they're going to take with it.

00:37:29.000 And when the Egyptian revolution started, the United States government didn't come out and do much at all because they were waiting to see if they would be able to push them down, to hold them down.

00:37:38.000 You know, and then they kind of came out in favor of the people, but they had to.

00:37:41.000 But there's pictures of Obama meeting with him, many presidents meeting with him.

00:37:48.000 I think he was already ours.

00:37:49.000 I don't think we wanted to get rid of him.

00:37:51.000 I think we liked him right where he was at.

00:37:53.000 But, you know, how do you know, though?

00:37:54.000 It's all speculation.

00:37:55.000 He might have, like, run his course because at one point in time we wanted Hussein in there. 0.97

00:37:59.000 You know, Hussein was our boy.

00:38:00.000 Donald Rumsfeld shaking his hand is a famous photo.

00:38:03.000 You know, he was our guy over there when they were at war with Iran.

00:38:06.000 I mean, unless...

00:38:07.000 Our guy, listen to me.

00:38:09.000 There's no way to, like...

00:38:10.000 Our team.

00:38:11.000 I wouldn't be surprised if this is some...

00:38:14.000 I mean, I'm such a fucking new age hippie sometimes, like, you know, with 2012 coming up and the acceleration of technology, what I like to think of this as is the beginning of people having the ability to organize themselves in a way that's never been possible in human history, mixing in with the ability to get information that you could never get. 0.89

00:38:36.000 So that motivates people to revolt against liars. 0.99

00:38:39.000 And that's what the Internet's doing, just showing who the fucking liars are out there. 0.99

00:38:43.000 Yeah, I think you're right about that. 0.99

00:38:44.000 I definitely think it's that as well.

00:38:45.000 I definitely think that the social media and using Facebook and Twitter to get messages out to where we're going to protest and where we're going to meet.

00:38:53.000 I mean, that's one of the first things they did in Egypt and one of the first things they did in Libya is cut off their supply to the Internet.

00:38:59.000 They cut off their connection to the world.

00:39:00.000 First thing. 0.99

00:39:00.000 But, you know, I mean, don't think that the CIA isn't fucking super savvy about that kind of shit, too. 0.99

00:39:06.000 You know, I mean, because of course they are. 0.99

00:39:08.000 And I'm not saying that this isn't, you know, it's not possible that it's just a plain old-fashioned revolt.

00:39:14.000 I just think that the United States is so clever about, you know, The foreign policy and how they interfere with other countries, that they don't ever allow anything to really slip by.

00:39:24.000 When this guy got arrested in Pakistan for shooting down some people who tried to rob him, and then it turned out the guy was a CIA operative that was embedded into the system over there.

00:39:32.000 When you find out stuff like that, it's like, wow, how many of these guys are there?

00:39:36.000 How many?

00:39:37.000 I have a buddy, and I've talked about it before.

00:39:39.000 He doesn't like talking about it, but his dad was in the CIA. He didn't find out until he was fucking 30 years old. 0.98

00:39:44.000 He didn't know. 0.99

00:39:45.000 He thought his dad was a banker.

00:39:47.000 Wow, that's cool, man.

00:39:49.000 Yeah, it's a trip.

00:39:50.000 It's interesting.

00:39:51.000 It's very interesting.

00:39:52.000 Who knows?

00:39:53.000 I think what happens is something like this goes down.

00:39:56.000 They had statistics.

00:39:58.000 They probably had think tanks who were like, there's a possibility that this is going to happen in the Middle East.

00:40:04.000 And when it happens, here's our plan.

00:40:06.000 We know this guy out there, this guy out there, this guy out there.

00:40:09.000 Then let's move in to try to...

00:40:12.000 Make the situation to our advantage.

00:40:15.000 But I'm skeptical for no reason other than it just seems like this doesn't work with my understanding of the way Empire likes to run.

00:40:26.000 It's my opinion that this is the people doing this.

00:40:30.000 More than it is a CIA-instigated thing.

00:40:33.000 And I think even if it was a CIA-instigated thing, it might have turned into something they didn't expect.

00:40:38.000 Because really, the one thing we don't want over there is for, what's it called?

00:40:43.000 A hegemony?

00:40:44.000 We don't want it to become a theocracy.

00:40:49.000 You know what I mean?

00:40:50.000 We don't want that.

00:40:51.000 That's another thing that I was concerned about.

00:40:53.000 I'm sorry.

00:40:53.000 But this Muslim Brotherhood thing that we keep hearing about lately.

00:40:57.000 Yeah, who are they? 1.00

00:40:58.000 What the fuck is this? 0.99

00:41:00.000 How is this just coming up now? 0.99

00:41:01.000 How did they just appear in the comic book?

00:41:03.000 This is like an episode of Lost where there's the last season and they have to introduce some new character and this new magic guy. 0.90

00:41:10.000 That's one of the reasons why I fucking gave up on Lost.

00:41:13.000 The last season when they started bringing people back from the dead and Jack started walking through his lines. 1.00

00:41:17.000 That fuck... 1.00

00:41:18.000 I'll never watch anything with that guy. 1.00

00:41:20.000 Yeah, until you see the end and figure out, oh, it all makes sense.

00:41:22.000 No, it doesn't because they don't get me.

00:41:25.000 You don't get me.

00:41:25.000 You ruined me, Jack.

00:41:27.000 You fuck. 1.00

00:41:28.000 You fucking goofball walking through all your scenes. 1.00

00:41:31.000 He just was mad that he wasn't like a super cool guy anymore like he was in the beginning of the show. 1.00

00:41:35.000 The beginning of the show, Jack was the bomb diggity.

00:41:37.000 He had a great character.

00:41:39.000 He was an amazing guy.

00:41:40.000 He was out there doing it. 0.99

00:41:41.000 He was a fucking hero. 1.00

00:41:42.000 And then somewhere along the line, I bet that actor pissed people off by being a cunt. 1.00

00:41:46.000 And they slowly started making him a cunt. 1.00

00:41:48.000 It is... 1.00

00:41:48.000 He became a junkie and a failure and a zero. 1.00

00:41:51.000 His character went into the shitter hard in a way that you would never have expected from the first season. 0.98

00:41:58.000 What the hell did that guy do behind the scenes? 0.96

00:42:00.000 He's probably having an affair with one of the writers. 0.77

00:42:03.000 Broke up with her.

00:42:06.000 I think they just, they get to know your real personality after a while.

00:42:10.000 Yeah.

00:42:10.000 And they just start incorporating your douchiness into the script, you know?

00:42:15.000 Because I know they do that on shows all the time.

00:42:17.000 They do that on shows all the time, and people complain. 0.96

00:42:20.000 Apparently, like, that girl, what's her name, Catherine Hegel, that's in, like, all those romantic movies that make you want to fucking hurl. 1.00

00:42:26.000 Yeah.

00:42:26.000 The movie with Josh Duhamel when they have a kid together, and they're not really the real parents, and they fell in love.

00:42:32.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:42:33.000 Well, she was on that show, what the fuck is that stupid show with Dr. McDreamy, whatever the fuck, what is it? 1.00

00:42:41.000 Grey's Anatomy. 1.00

00:42:42.000 Grey's Anatomy, yeah. 0.98

00:42:43.000 And apparently they just fucking, they just started giving her like really shitty parts and not writing her in too much because she started getting an attitude. 1.00

00:42:51.000 Right. 0.99

00:42:51.000 That happens. 0.99

00:42:52.000 It's a Charlie Sheen situation, man.

00:42:54.000 Look what they've done with him.

00:42:55.000 They cut off the last four seasons, the last four episodes of the season.

00:42:59.000 They stopped filming.

00:42:59.000 That's going to cost Charlie $8 million.

00:43:02.000 And it's going to cost them a fuckload of money, too, because they've already sold the advertising for those.

00:43:07.000 They've already committed to selling them for syndication.

00:43:10.000 It's a syndicated show.

00:43:11.000 That's a big loss for them.

00:43:13.000 They're hoping that Charlie pulls it together, and then by the time it goes around next year, they can add four to next year and make up for what they owe.

00:43:20.000 So this is basically like for the corporations, this is the same thing as when like a Roman emperor had a favorite gladiator.

00:43:28.000 And the people loved the gladiator, but he got a big head and started going a little crazy.

00:43:33.000 That's what this is.

00:43:34.000 Their little puppet is kind of like misfiring a little bit.

00:43:37.000 Well, you can't have a successful show without someone being a star.

00:43:41.000 They become a star.

00:43:42.000 Whether they were a star at first, like Charlie was already, or whether they become one like Brett Butler or Chris Titus or anybody else.

00:43:49.000 When you get on a show, that's what happens.

00:43:52.000 You get a successful show and all of a sudden this one person, you really do fucking need that one person more than everyone else. 0.99

00:43:58.000 And that is a mindfuck. 0.98

00:44:00.000 That's a mindfuck, especially for actors, because for a giant chunk of their life, not necessarily with Charlie Sheen, he was pretty much instantly successful, but for most actors, it's a long series of failures and disappointments and rejections, and then finally you make it with something, and you have a fucking chip on your shoulder for all those people that caused you pain. 0.99

00:44:18.000 I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with famous dudes that we'll talk about still to this day, about horrible fucking casting sessions that they had, horrible... 0.99

00:44:27.000 You know, auditions where it went wrong and, you know, all the scuffling around and all the humiliating auditions that they had to go on. 0.98

00:44:33.000 You know, it's like fucking, you know, people, they get in there and they, you know, they become famous and they just want to get back at all those people that hurt them all that time. 0.95

00:44:43.000 It's like they needed all that exorbitant amount of attention. 0.99

00:44:46.000 They needed to be fucking special and everyone was saying, no, you're not. 0.98

00:44:49.000 No, you're not. 0.98

00:44:50.000 No, you're not.

00:44:50.000 No, you're normal.

00:44:51.000 No, you're not good enough. 1.00

00:44:52.000 No, fuck you. 1.00

00:44:53.000 And then finally you become famous and you're like, yes, I I am! 1.00

00:44:57.000 It's like this bounce back.

00:44:59.000 The other direction is so enormous because of how much is pushing them down in the beginning, you know, how they feel.

00:45:05.000 Well, you know, man, when you run into an actor or a comedian or anybody who seems proud of themselves, it's automatically so disappointing because it's like, oh, you think...

00:45:20.000 You're the thing that's making this.

00:45:23.000 You really think you're responsible.

00:45:27.000 And that's the most...

00:45:28.000 It's like a radio thinking that it's awesome for playing a song.

00:45:32.000 Or a volcano thinking it's awesome for the lava that comes spraying out of it.

00:45:35.000 It's like...

00:45:36.000 Yeah, you're kind of like...

00:45:38.000 You're a conduit.

00:45:39.000 You're a conduit. 1.00

00:45:40.000 You're not the fucking thing, man. 1.00

00:45:42.000 That sounds ridiculous to people that don't create things, though. 0.99

00:45:45.000 If you talk to a person who's not creative, doesn't write a lot or perform a lot, they really don't have any idea what you're talking about.

00:45:51.000 And most people out there, they don't make a living being creative.

00:45:56.000 A lot of people never achieve that zen state where whatever you've gotten good at it, whether it's art or music or Even dance, they say that.

00:46:06.000 And martial arts, they say that.

00:46:08.000 Anything you get really good at, you get into this sort of zone where it's no longer you.

00:46:13.000 It's like you've practiced it enough to the point where you can become subconscious.

00:46:16.000 And then once you do it, it's like you're just tuning in. 0.96

00:46:19.000 You're tuning in to whatever the fuck it is out there that makes things awesome. 0.95

00:46:23.000 Yeah. 0.92

00:46:23.000 And people don't understand that. 0.92

00:46:24.000 They don't do it.

00:46:25.000 It sounds like such an ethereal, ridiculous notion, but it's so widely accepted.

00:46:30.000 You know, the concept of the muse, you know, it's so widely accepted that you're getting these ideas from somewhere else.

00:46:36.000 That's what I mean when you say, you know, I'm trying to pretend I'm not special.

00:46:40.000 I'm trying to pretend I'm not a freaking rock star from Mars. 0.99

00:46:43.000 When he says shit like that, that is the exact opposite of the true creative mindset. 0.99

00:46:49.000 You cannot tune in to the greatness of the universe if you really believe that. 0.99

00:46:54.000 Unless it's performance art. 0.99

00:46:56.000 And then it's fucking brilliant. 0.97

00:46:57.000 If he's really doing his own Coen Brothers movie. 0.97

00:47:01.000 I don't know how many times... 0.99

00:47:04.000 I've watched an asshole on TV and in the back of my head thought, if this was performance art, this would be the greatest artist of all time. 0.99

00:47:12.000 You know, performance art turns everything into... 0.99

00:47:15.000 Yeah, but aren't you guys more skeptical when you see people like Brody Stevens, where the normal person will see Brody Stevens and go, well, that person is just fucking crazy and angry mad, but then you talk to him backstage and you're like, oh, I get it.

00:47:27.000 He is being almost like a character of himself.

00:47:30.000 No, Brody's so obviously a character, dude.

00:47:31.000 It's so obvious he's on stage.

00:47:33.000 No, most people that think Most people that see Brody think that that's him.

00:47:36.000 Yeah, I think there's a big difference between Brody Stevens and Charlie Sheen.

00:47:40.000 There's a huge difference between how they're doing it and so obvious. 0.97

00:47:42.000 Yeah, one of them is fucking funny. 0.97

00:47:42.000 Brody's telling jokes, man. 0.97

00:47:44.000 And I mean Brody.

00:47:46.000 Yeah, Brody's going, I was over there in Iraq.

00:47:50.000 Okay?

00:47:51.000 I was there.

00:47:52.000 I was in Desert Storm.

00:47:55.000 Yeah, I was an Iraqi soldier, but that's neither here or there.

00:47:58.000 It's really obvious he's joking.

00:48:00.000 It's really obvious.

00:48:01.000 He's hilarious.

00:48:01.000 What's his name?

00:48:02.000 The redneck comic this night.

00:48:03.000 You know, that's the whole character.

00:48:05.000 The big guy that's on the tour.

00:48:06.000 Get Her Done?

00:48:07.000 Yeah, Get Her Done guy. 0.50

00:48:08.000 That guy is a complete character.

00:48:10.000 But most people think that's exactly him.

00:48:12.000 I thought it was him.

00:48:12.000 Right, but that's just a good character, dude.

00:48:13.000 There's a difference between that and an angry person. 0.88

00:48:16.000 An angry, crazy person.

00:48:17.000 He's not acting crazy. 0.91

00:48:18.000 He's just being a character.

00:48:19.000 Yeah, he's funny, man.

00:48:21.000 Brody is like...

00:48:23.000 Brody's someone where no matter what's happening, if you're around him, something funny is happening.

00:48:29.000 He has a constant gravity of absurd, hilarious things happening.

00:48:33.000 Either things that he's making happen or just stuff that happens.

00:48:37.000 Yeah, I don't just think of him as being this... 0.99

00:48:41.000 It's not like watching an asshole and saying, is this guy faking it? 1.00

00:48:45.000 It's like it's obvious he's faking it. 1.00

00:48:47.000 It's fun.

00:48:47.000 It's fun to watch.

00:48:49.000 When you watch something like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and you see fucking Kelsey Grammer's ex-wife, holy shit! 1.00

00:48:56.000 What a... 1.00

00:48:58.000 Reprehensible human being. 1.00

00:49:00.000 What a lizard person. 1.00

00:49:02.000 What a just a creepy, manipulative, nasty little dried up hooker. 1.00

00:49:09.000 Holy shit, she scares me. 1.00

00:49:11.000 Yeah, like almost like a demon. 1.00

00:49:12.000 Like almost like some low level demon.

00:49:14.000 Like in the upper echelons of hell. 0.97

00:49:19.000 Just like some nasty... 0.99

00:49:20.000 Death worm. 1.00

00:49:21.000 And she goes on Howard Stern and starts talking shit about Kelsey Grammer. 1.00

00:49:26.000 Meanwhile, you were married to him for how long? 0.99

00:49:30.000 You have children with him? 1.00

00:49:31.000 And your children are going to hear you talking shit about him? 1.00

00:49:34.000 You're going to go on the Stern show just so you can get some press for your fucking shitty Beverly Hills housewife thing? 1.00

00:49:40.000 And you're going to sacrifice all these years of this relationship, the intimacy that you guys shared? 0.99

00:49:45.000 You're just going to blurt that out? 1.00

00:49:46.000 Like, you're a piece of shit! 1.00

00:49:48.000 You're not a 20-year-old girl that's making a mistake. 1.00

00:49:51.000 You're some 40-year-old hooker that's cashing in her chips and talking about how she wants more. 1.00

00:49:56.000 I want all this money. 1.00

00:49:57.000 I want this.

00:49:58.000 He left me.

00:49:59.000 What did they have to deal with while he was with you, you fucking monster? 1.00

00:50:04.000 That's a price you pay, man, for all those people. 1.00

00:50:07.000 I did Us Magazine.

00:50:09.000 Me and Chris McGuire, we used to do these things where you look at the way people are dressed and you write things about it.

00:50:15.000 You write little quotes about it.

00:50:17.000 I'll never forget this one guy.

00:50:18.000 It was Kelsey Grammer standing there with Camille when she was in her prime. 1.00

00:50:23.000 It's when she was a Playboy Playmate. 0.54

00:50:25.000 She was way too hot for him.

00:50:26.000 And the quote underneath it said, it's a story as old as time.

00:50:31.000 That's all the guy said, whoever the writer was that said that.

00:50:34.000 And I was like, bingo.

00:50:35.000 He just nailed it.

00:50:36.000 You don't even have to pretend. 1.00

00:50:38.000 Here's this ugly, goofy-looking fuck who just happens to be rich and famous. 1.00

00:50:41.000 And he's with this vapid, super hottie. 1.00

00:50:44.000 You know, ba-bang! 0.81

00:50:45.000 There it is!

00:50:46.000 Ta-da! 1.00

00:50:47.000 And he's so happy with himself.

00:50:48.000 And he will go and do these interviews and talk about how much he loves her and how amazing it is.

00:50:51.000 And she completes him.

00:50:52.000 Then he leaves her for a flight attendant. 0.99

00:50:54.000 I mean, it's fucking great stuff. 0.98

00:50:56.000 If she was doing performance art, if she was faking it, you know, it would be absolutely brilliant. 0.98

00:51:01.000 But she's not.

00:51:02.000 There's no way she's that good an actress. 0.99

00:51:04.000 She would have been fucking Oscar-runner by now. 1.00

00:51:05.000 She wouldn't be some 40-year-old lady with a bunch of 20-year-old boyfriends and she flaunts on the show. 1.00

00:51:11.000 Before she was even divorced on the show, I can't believe I'm talking about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but I get sucked in.

00:51:17.000 Before she was even divorced with them, she was hanging out with all these young guys that were her friends.

00:51:22.000 And that drives me fantastic. 0.98

00:51:24.000 We're fucking bananas. 0.96

00:51:27.000 I have friends that have girlfriends that have guy friends, and they'll go and pal around with these guy friends. 1.00

00:51:32.000 And I'm like, yo, dude, you need to fucking nip this shit right in the butt. 0.99

00:51:36.000 Your girlfriend is hot, and she's hanging around with a bunch of guys that she's been pals with since she moved here to Hollywood two years ago, whatever. 1.00

00:51:44.000 They want to fuck her, for sure. 1.00

00:51:46.000 She might want to be their friend. 1.00

00:51:47.000 She might think there's somehow or another to keep this platonic.

00:51:50.000 But any of those.

00:51:51.000 Weird, creepy situations where you got a girl with a bunch of guy friends. 1.00

00:51:55.000 They all want to fuck her. 1.00

00:51:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:56.000 All of them. 1.00

00:51:57.000 Have you ever had a girl that was hot that you were friends with and you weren't somehow or another trying to think, how am I going to get to fuck her? 0.99

00:52:03.000 How am I going to get to move this into us having sex? 1.00

00:52:06.000 My mother. 0.87

00:52:08.000 I never once thought that about her.

00:52:10.000 Duncan.

00:52:11.000 Sorry.

00:52:12.000 It's a bad joke.

00:52:13.000 Sorry.

00:52:13.000 Duncan just went straight red balance.

00:52:15.000 Why not?

00:52:16.000 Let's break this up real quick while we're here because I'm glad you're here because I wanted to talk to you about this.

00:52:21.000 There's a Cornell study that was just put online.

00:52:26.000 A lot of people are debating what exactly this means.

00:52:29.000 But what they're saying is that there's an error in the orbit of the moon.

00:52:33.000 There's an eccentricity in the orbit of the moon that they think would be...

00:52:38.000 What are you doing over there, fella?

00:52:40.000 Toothpicks.

00:52:41.000 Okay.

00:52:41.000 There's an error in the orbit of the moon that they believe is going to be...

00:52:49.000 They believe you can... 1.00

00:52:51.000 Listen to me, stubborn fucking shit brain from 12 hours in a fucking airplane. 1.00

00:52:56.000 I'm tired of pretending I'm not delivering the freaking goods at every turn. 1.00

00:52:59.000 What they're saying is there's something wrong with the orbit of the moon that can be attributed to a large extra solar system planet.

00:53:05.000 They're thinking there's something out there that's It's much, much bigger than Jupiter, about four times the size of Jupiter.

00:53:11.000 And this is just one of several things that I've been following over the last couple of months where there's a bunch of different studies that are talking about this Planet X thing.

00:53:21.000 But apparently, they're really close to saying that there is something beyond Neptune, beyond, you know, Pluto's not real anymore, but something out there, like way out there, that's four times the size of Jupiter. 0.98

00:53:35.000 Some enormous fucking planet. 0.97

00:53:37.000 How would we not have seen that? 1.00

00:53:38.000 How have we missed it?

00:53:40.000 I don't know.

00:53:40.000 It's a big question.

00:53:41.000 They don't know.

00:53:42.000 It might be just so fucking far out there. 0.81

00:53:44.000 It might be really cold, so we can't see it.

00:53:47.000 They're thinking that this thing is, by calling it inside our solar system, I think what they're saying is that it's further away from Pluto than Pluto is from us, but yet it's still in some sort of an orbit.

00:54:00.000 And it's huge, and it's way out there.

00:54:03.000 So this is like, this is the Planet X, Nibiru thing everyone talks about?

00:54:07.000 Yes, yes.

00:54:08.000 And what's the idea?

00:54:09.000 That it smashes into us every certain amount of time?

00:54:12.000 Well, it depends on who you're asking.

00:54:13.000 I mean, you know, if you talk to the people that believe that, you know, Earth was created this way, and, you know, it's actually detailed, according to Zacharias Hitchin in the Sumerian text, what they think is that somehow or another this extrasolar planet or this planet is on an elliptical orbit, rather.

00:54:31.000 And it takes 3,600 years to come into line with Earth.

00:54:36.000 And it comes near us and fucks everything up.

00:54:39.000 And then the Anunnaki jump off and they leap off their boat onto our boat and go, hey, what's going on over here? 1.00

00:54:44.000 And then they come check us out and make us slaves for a little bit, make us mine for gold and erase our memories and fly back into space. 0.98

00:54:50.000 I mean, I don't know what the fuck they exactly think, but... 0.94

00:54:53.000 You know, when you look at, you know, the really interesting shit about what they figured out was that they already knew back then, according to Zachariah Sitchin, that Earth had been hit by a large planet. 0.99

00:55:05.000 And that's what created the moon. 0.83

00:55:07.000 We didn't know that until, like, fairly recently.

00:55:10.000 That's, like, one of the most recent theories.

00:55:11.000 There's Earth 1 and Earth 2. And Earth 1 was hit by something like the size of fucking Mars, some enormous planet. 0.97

00:55:18.000 And it also created the asteroid belt. 0.92

00:55:20.000 That's another theory about that.

00:55:22.000 There's a giant...

00:55:24.000 This is another thing I read.

00:55:25.000 I need to find out if this is true or not.

00:55:27.000 But that Bode's Law is a law that you look at the gravity of one planet and you can extrapolate where the next planet will be based on how dense the planet is and what the gravity of it is and what the mass of it is.

00:55:40.000 And it works on every planet in our solar system except for Mars and Jupiter.

00:55:45.000 There should be a planet in between there. 0.99

00:55:47.000 And that's where the asteroid belt is.

00:55:49.000 So the idea is that, you know, something was there, collided.

00:55:52.000 What's the reason why there's not a planet there?

00:55:54.000 Did they have any idea?

00:55:55.000 No, no, no, no.

00:55:56.000 I mean, look, there's a bunch of theories about why the asteroid belt exists, you know, and one of them being that it's like some of the fabric of the very solar system.

00:56:05.000 That it's just like, you know, from the forming of the solar system, this is like, you know, some just leftover shit that's there.

00:56:10.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:56:10.000 And then the other one is that it's, you know, a planet got fucking nailed and just destroyed and became this gigantic belt of rocks and shit. 0.99

00:56:18.000 I believe that. 1.00

00:56:19.000 It's fucking crazy. 0.97

00:56:20.000 The idea that planets, we know this for a fact, that not only do planets slam into each other, but galaxies slam into each other. 0.99

00:56:28.000 Right.

00:56:28.000 They hit each other.

00:56:29.000 Sure.

00:56:30.000 Sure. 0.99

00:56:30.000 Fucking A, man. 0.99

00:56:31.000 Could you imagine you look up in the sky and every day this star just keeps getting brighter? 1.00

00:56:37.000 And you're some asshole caveman. 1.00

00:56:39.000 You have no idea what the fuck is really going on. 1.00

00:56:41.000 And this thing is coming down and it's going to slam into the moon and kill everybody. 0.99

00:56:47.000 There's a lot of theories about the solar system that are really odd.

00:56:50.000 And some of them are that some of the planets that exist now weren't there before, like Saturn.

00:56:54.000 That Saturn is a fairly recent occurrence in the solar system. 0.83

00:56:57.000 I mean, it sounds like total complete horseshit. 0.91

00:56:59.000 Where did it come from? 0.98

00:56:59.000 Star explosion or something? 0.98

00:57:01.000 Well, you know, the idea on planets that, you know, like rogue planets, I guess they get sucked in.

00:57:08.000 They come from somewhere else and they get sucked into our solar system and get sucked into our gravity or any other solar system's gravity.

00:57:16.000 And there's an interesting thing about this Pluto, this planet that's outside of Pluto, is that they're saying the gravity of this thing, one of the reasons why they figured out that there's something huge out there, the gravity of this thing is hurling comets in our direction.

00:57:33.000 Weird. 0.86

00:57:33.000 It's fucking weird, man. 0.86

00:57:35.000 You never know. 0.98

00:57:36.000 The thing that freaks me out is the, what are they called, pulsars?

00:57:39.000 Or they say a star close enough could have a super pulse that just flashes.

00:57:45.000 Hypernova.

00:57:46.000 Hypernova.

00:57:47.000 And we're just dead instantly.

00:57:49.000 You're just driving home and suddenly the sky turns purple.

00:57:52.000 Yeah, but you drive home and a semi hits you.

00:57:54.000 You're just dead. 1.00

00:57:55.000 Same shit. 1.00

00:57:57.000 It's kind of different. 1.00

00:57:58.000 No, you'd both die.

00:57:59.000 Both things. 0.92

00:58:00.000 Getting killed by a semi and a supernova.

00:58:04.000 It's a little different. 1.00

00:58:04.000 Well, for you, if you're a selfish cunt who doesn't think about the whole rest of the world, yes, it's the same thing, Brian. 1.00

00:58:12.000 And this is just like the whole world? 1.00

00:58:14.000 It's just like me taking pills.

00:58:15.000 The world will die right now. 1.00

00:58:17.000 I'm going to listen to some fucking Pixies music. 0.99

00:58:20.000 Yeah, you might not know the difference, or you might. 0.98

00:58:23.000 Did you see that new LCD screen that Microsoft announced the other day?

00:58:28.000 They showed what's in their labs right now, what they're working on, what the future of LCD screens on.

00:58:33.000 It's called a...

00:58:36.000 Steerable auto stereo 3D display.

00:58:40.000 And what's cool is it's pretty much like a Surface.

00:58:43.000 And you can see the Surface.

00:58:45.000 So imagine like an iPad on a table, but really big.

00:58:48.000 Kind of like their Microsoft Surface.

00:58:50.000 I've seen Surface.

00:58:51.000 Yeah.

00:58:51.000 But now you can grab things and it knows how the distance up and down is.

00:58:56.000 And you can do like 3D kind of just like the future when you see in the movies where they're like pulling up displays and tapping things and stuff like that.

00:59:04.000 And they have this really cool video.

00:59:05.000 The name of the video is called Applied Sciences Group Smart Interactive Displays Microsoft.

00:59:12.000 Great name.

00:59:13.000 Yeah, I'll tweet it.

00:59:14.000 And what's so cool about it?

00:59:15.000 It's just the future of surfing the internet.

00:59:19.000 Pretty soon you're just going to be like this.

00:59:20.000 You're going to take your hand, grab a browser, just sit there and play with it.

00:59:25.000 Air.

00:59:26.000 Right.

00:59:26.000 And you're going to be able to just move things around.

00:59:29.000 It's kind of like Kinect for Microsoft.

00:59:32.000 It's interactive surfaces.

00:59:33.000 Everything's going to become an interactive surface no matter what it is.

00:59:36.000 Right. 0.97

00:59:36.000 You won't be able to sell shit unless it's got some access to the internet. 0.97

00:59:41.000 Right. 0.99

00:59:41.000 Everything. 0.99

00:59:42.000 Like this table, everything.

00:59:43.000 But what's cool is the depth of it.

00:59:45.000 And they also, in the same video, they were showing the future of 3D where it's...

00:59:50.000 Flashing these lights at your face so fast that you can't even tell.

00:59:54.000 So it will give you 3D images without the glasses, of course.

00:59:57.000 But it shows how they do it.

00:59:58.000 He goes into it and explains and shows how it works and stuff.

01:00:01.000 It's a pretty interesting video.

01:00:02.000 I'll post it right now.

01:00:04.000 Wow. 1.00

01:00:06.000 It's trippy shit. 1.00

01:00:09.000 This planet thing is really fucking freaking me out, man. 1.00

01:00:13.000 Well, yeah. 0.88

01:00:14.000 A lot of this stuff...

01:00:15.000 Something that I think about all the time is like...

01:00:19.000 How much are we affected by the solar flares in, like, a sociological way?

01:00:24.000 And it's such a crazy idea, but...

01:00:26.000 Well, it's not if you consider that the moon's orbit affects people's behavior.

01:00:30.000 Yeah.

01:00:31.000 I mean, say there's no statistics to back up, you know, like that there's more activity during lunar, you know, lunar events.

01:00:39.000 Right?

01:00:39.000 Isn't that true?

01:00:40.000 Yeah.

01:00:40.000 There's no statistics to back that up.

01:00:42.000 Isn't that true?

01:00:43.000 I... Because cops always swear by it.

01:00:45.000 Yeah, no, I think there are, I've heard, I don't know, I never really investigated them, but I always thought that was true.

01:00:52.000 If they can figure out that there's a planet deep, deep somewhere in our galaxy that they don't know about just from the effect that it has on the moon's gravitational field, then that means it must be having an effect on us, too.

01:01:05.000 Like, if it's literally like some planet far away is so powerful that it's altering the moon a little bit, then that same minor pull would be affecting us, too.

01:01:16.000 Maybe the storms, maybe the weather.

01:01:18.000 That's what I think.

01:01:19.000 It certainly does.

01:01:20.000 Look at what sun does, just lack of vitamin D. We know it actually makes something in your body.

01:01:25.000 It actually causes a vitamin to be produced by your body that makes you happy, that aids in your happiness and your health.

01:01:31.000 When you don't get that all the time, for long periods of time, people get sick and depressed.

01:01:37.000 It's called seasonal affective disorder.

01:01:39.000 Yeah, I mean, that's seasonal if you're in a place where that is a seasonal event.

01:01:44.000 Like in Boston.

01:01:45.000 In Boston, during the winter, people do get depressed.

01:01:47.000 And that's why.

01:01:48.000 It's called...

01:01:49.000 It's vitamin D deficiencies.

01:01:51.000 It's a lot of it. 0.99

01:01:51.000 But it's also just fucking dreary. 0.99

01:01:53.000 Yeah, that's why they have the sunlight lamps that are supposed to help. 0.94

01:01:56.000 Did you know it snowed in Burbank?

01:01:57.000 Did it?

01:01:58.000 Like huge chunks of snow fell from the ground two days ago.

01:02:03.000 Hail or snow?

01:02:05.000 Well, it wasn't hail because hail is usually hard, but it seemed like really wet snow.

01:02:10.000 Wow.

01:02:10.000 But it covered the whole roads and stuff like that.

01:02:13.000 Were you driving?

01:02:14.000 No, it was really early in the morning.

01:02:16.000 And then it melted super quick.

01:02:17.000 But, I mean, it snowed all day. 0.50

01:02:18.000 It was ridiculous. 0.66

01:02:20.000 Wow. 0.57

01:02:21.000 And a couple of websites here I'm looking at when it comes to the moon.

01:02:25.000 And one of them is saying that the claims of a correlation between lunar phases to human behavior does not hold up under scientific scrutiny.

01:02:33.000 So they're saying that there's no connection.

01:02:37.000 But then other people are saying that there is a connection.

01:02:39.000 It's interesting.

01:02:40.000 Other people think that it's really difficult to quantify.

01:02:47.000 How do you know?

01:02:50.000 If it really is a psycho, how do you know whether or not it's actually caught?

01:02:53.000 I guess you should be able to see just by hospital reports and police records.

01:02:59.000 Shouldn't you be able to see?

01:03:00.000 I would imagine so.

01:03:01.000 I mean, even if it's a little bit of a difference, like a 1% difference, you should be able to see.

01:03:06.000 Yeah, but maybe that's just small enough that it's the rate of inaccuracy.

01:03:10.000 You know what I mean?

01:03:10.000 This test is only 99% accurate, so it's kind of like the...

01:03:17.000 Yeah, this one site is saying, despite the fact that no evidence of a significant correlation between phases of the moon, the menstrual cycle, and fertility exists, some people not only maintain that there is, but have a scientific explanation for the non-existent correlation.

01:03:29.000 It could be that just people want to believe it.

01:03:32.000 Or it could be just like people would go nutty because back in the day it was like bright outside at night. 0.99

01:03:37.000 Whereas before you had to watch where the fuck you walked and it was super dark out. 0.95

01:03:41.000 You know, like a couple of times a year or a couple of times a month rather, you know, for a few days you get a giant spotlight in the sky. 0.99

01:03:49.000 So you could walk around at night. 0.99

01:03:51.000 And probably people did nuttier shit back then. 0.92

01:03:53.000 But if the moon affects the tides, it's powerful enough to make tides come in and tides go out, I could totally see how it would affect whatever weird oceans in your brain, whatever quantum oceans floating around up there. 0.96

01:04:06.000 I'm sure it affects that.

01:04:08.000 Yeah, there's that question, right?

01:04:09.000 It's like, how much of you is the chemical reactions that's going in your body and how much of that can you manipulate?

01:04:15.000 How much of that can you manipulate with exercise to maintain your hormone levels and for Drinking water to maintain your hydration.

01:04:25.000 How much of you is a bunch of these chemical reactions?

01:04:29.000 Your personality, how much of that is dictated by what you're taking into your body?

01:04:34.000 It's got to be a percentage. 0.99

01:04:36.000 That's a much bigger percentage than the fucking moon. 0.99

01:04:39.000 Well, one thing's for certain. 1.00

01:04:40.000 If you are in pain, you're going to probably be an asshole to the people around you in some way. 1.00

01:04:46.000 If you're fucking hurting... 1.00

01:04:47.000 You know the old classic, when you walk into the dishwasher with your shin and somebody's nearby and says anything to you, like, are you okay? 0.99

01:04:55.000 I'm fucking fine! 0.60

01:04:57.000 I'm fine! 0.98

01:04:58.000 Because it hurts so bad.

01:05:00.000 Right.

01:05:00.000 You know what I mean?

01:05:01.000 So if you're in pain, if you feel like shit, in whatever way you feel like shit, for whatever reason, you're probably treating the people around you like shit. 1.00

01:05:10.000 You know the opposite of it? 1.00

01:05:12.000 Take ecstasy and sit next to the stupidest person on the planet. 1.00

01:05:15.000 You feel so good. 1.00

01:05:17.000 You're like, I love you.

01:05:19.000 You really are amazing, man.

01:05:21.000 You really are.

01:05:22.000 Your ideas are good.

01:05:24.000 Okay, but that's not good, right?

01:05:25.000 Right.

01:05:26.000 Is it good to be in wonder of everyone, even retards? 1.00

01:05:32.000 Or is it?

01:05:34.000 Yes.

01:05:34.000 You think?

01:05:35.000 I think it's whenever you get around that kind of energy coming from someone or for whatever reason when you run into someone really smart, you get the sense that they've managed to turn the judgment thing off on their computer and they just like you just because you're having this bizarre experience on the planet with them and they kind of get it.

01:05:56.000 That's one of the most healing things.

01:05:58.000 I used to, at one point in my life, when someone would be judging me, and I would know they would be judging me, I would feel insecure, I would get upset, I would get like, wow, you know, like, man, maybe I'm a loser.

01:06:08.000 But if I felt like I was being unfairly scrutinized, I would just think it was, I'm just obviously, I'm a loser, I'm losing at this, whatever this is right now, and this person doesn't like me.

01:06:17.000 Now, I have a completely different effect. 0.99

01:06:20.000 Now, when I feel like someone's judging me or someone's being hypercritical or shitty to me, I'm like, why are you being a cunt? 0.99

01:06:26.000 Because I'm nice. 0.98

01:06:27.000 I try to be nice to everybody.

01:06:29.000 There's no reason why this has to be a douchey conversation.

01:06:32.000 If it's douchey, you're the one who's starting the douchiness. 0.97

01:06:35.000 And I think for a lot of people, man, that's one of the biggest things they worry about in life is getting judged and criticized and shit on. 0.99

01:06:44.000 It's the worst. 0.98

01:06:45.000 Yeah.

01:06:46.000 It's terrible.

01:06:47.000 And especially if you're a kid and you're around someone with a powerful personality who's like decided that you're bad. 1.00

01:06:53.000 Decided you're a loser. 1.00

01:06:54.000 Keep you down. 1.00

01:06:55.000 It draws that out of you.

01:06:56.000 It's like we're talking about the gravity of the planet.

01:06:58.000 It's like if someone's judging you, there's a gravity that they're exerting on you that can lead you into being the thing that they think you are.

01:07:06.000 It's like what's that bizarre idea where it's the observer's effect when you're looking at an An atom or an electron or a photon, I think it is.

01:07:14.000 That weird thing where at the quantum level, things seem to go in the direction of the way you expect them to.

01:07:20.000 They seem to be where you're looking.

01:07:21.000 It's affected by you viewing them.

01:07:23.000 That, that.

01:07:24.000 I don't know the name for that.

01:07:25.000 I probably just butchered it.

01:07:26.000 What I'm saying is I think that that... 1.00

01:07:28.000 It can happen when you're around someone who has a firm belief that you suck. 1.00

01:07:34.000 You can suddenly, it'll start drawing out of you the shitty behavior because it's like it will start blossoming out of you and it fucking sucks. 0.99

01:07:42.000 In the same way, if you're around somebody who really sees you and sees how cool you are, then all of a sudden you're funnier. 0.99

01:07:49.000 You know what I mean?

01:07:50.000 Because they're drawing the positive out of you.

01:07:53.000 Well, when you first start dating a girl and she really likes you and she's really new, how funny are you?

01:07:57.000 The funniest.

01:07:58.000 The funniest.

01:07:58.000 You're hilarious.

01:07:59.000 Every time you go to the movie, you have the wittiest shit to say. 1.00

01:08:02.000 You go out to dinner, you have the funniest thing to say. 0.99

01:08:04.000 I mean, this is where so many guys I know that started out doing stand-up comedy, the reason why they got funny was to make girls laugh.

01:08:12.000 Sure.

01:08:12.000 They started out trying to be the most charming and fun guy in the beginning of the relationship when you first meet each other.

01:08:18.000 Yeah.

01:08:20.000 I think I'm way funnier when I'm broken, though.

01:08:22.000 I'm miserable.

01:08:23.000 I don't know when I'm happy.

01:08:27.000 I'm being nice and funny to that person. 0.99

01:08:29.000 But when I'm miserable, I fucking think of evil, deep, dark, crazy shit, it seems like to me. 1.00

01:08:34.000 But imagine when you're around someone who you know thinks that you are a fucking asshole. 1.00

01:08:41.000 Who you know thinks that you're a moron. 1.00

01:08:44.000 And you're around them? 1.00

01:08:45.000 Well, I think Brian's just talking about performing on stage.

01:08:47.000 You're kind of going off in a different direction, but I know what you're saying.

01:08:50.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:08:51.000 I know.

01:08:51.000 I mean, that was Kinnison's whole thing.

01:08:53.000 I mean, Kinnison became really funny because of pain.

01:08:56.000 Right. 0.99

01:08:56.000 You know, because of, you know, I was married for two fucking years! 0.99

01:08:59.000 I was! 0.99

01:09:00.000 Wow!

01:09:00.000 Look at his face!

01:09:01.000 You know?

01:09:02.000 Does this look like a man that's happy? 0.99

01:09:03.000 All that shit was his, you know, that wasn't him happy. 0.99

01:09:06.000 That wasn't, you know, beautiful life and everyone being cool to you. 1.00

01:09:09.000 Well, see, here's the thing, man.

01:09:10.000 This idea of happiness, we were just talking about it on my podcast and someone's like, why are you obsessed with being happy?

01:09:15.000 Being happy is not what life's about.

01:09:17.000 It's not about getting, it's not about, you know, oh, I feel good today.

01:09:21.000 Who said that?

01:09:22.000 It was, um, they made a really good point because, um, Happiness and sadness are two sides of the same thing that if you pay too much attention to them, you'll begin to get caught up in chaos and randomness.

01:09:37.000 In the Bhagavad Gita, there's this great verse that says,"...a wise man is not disturbed." By either happiness or sadness.

01:09:48.000 Your mind does not shift according to your mood states.

01:09:52.000 You're not plugging into the chemicals that are making you feel stressed out or making you feel happy.

01:09:59.000 You're above it.

01:10:00.000 You're transcendent.

01:10:01.000 You've transcended it.

01:10:02.000 And that's what I think happiness would be.

01:10:05.000 As opposed to the other kind of happiness, which you were saying, isn't that bad?

01:10:08.000 which is the ecstasy happiness or the kind of like happiness that comes when Charlie Sheen does a line of blow or the kind of hat that kind of happiness induces them allegedly allegedly I don't think he's really on cocaine at all I don't think it's on any drugs except Charlie Sheen which is apparently the name of some new kind of meth it's probably just a new method they invented we'll call this Sheen but I I think that

01:10:34.000 So that's my idea of happiness, is not to get caught up in the mood states. 0.98

01:10:40.000 Because you're going to feel like shit on this planet. 1.00

01:10:44.000 You have to feel like, you will feel like shit. 1.00

01:10:46.000 You know why? 1.00

01:10:47.000 Because everyone you know is going to die.

01:10:49.000 And if they don't, it's because you died before them. 0.99

01:10:52.000 And when someone dies, it sucks. 0.88

01:10:54.000 Right, but that's just when someone dies. 1.00

01:10:57.000 I think a lot of people think that your everyday life has to be filled with shit. 1.00

01:11:02.000 That's part of being a human. 0.99

01:11:05.000 You're saying that happiness is somehow or another transcending above emotions.

01:11:09.000 I don't think it is.

01:11:10.000 I think my personal happiness has been fun.

01:11:14.000 It's been laughter, having a good time, hanging out with friends, laughing with friends, laughing, doing shows, laughing on stage.

01:11:22.000 That's real happiness.

01:11:24.000 So is happiness possible?

01:11:25.000 Yeah.

01:11:26.000 But you've got to be around a bunch of other people that also commit to the same ideas.

01:11:29.000 You have to be around a bunch of other really fun, happy people.

01:11:32.000 It's very difficult to go in on your own.

01:11:34.000 The only way you can is if somehow or another you attract people as you're going in on your own and you're committed to a life of happiness that also kind of like catch into your vibe and then pick up what you're doing and do the same thing.

01:11:47.000 And then you gravitate more people.

01:11:49.000 But you can do it.

01:11:50.000 And I don't think it has to be that you have to be above happiness and...

01:11:54.000 It's like my concept of guerrilla Buddhism.

01:11:55.000 I told you this before.

01:11:56.000 People always say that to be truly happy, you cannot be attached to objects and you should transcend objects and material possessions. 0.99

01:12:05.000 I say, horseshit. 0.99

01:12:07.000 I say, material possessions are fucking awesome. 0.99

01:12:09.000 Some cars are badass. 0.93

01:12:10.000 It's cool to drive.

01:12:11.000 TVs are awesome to own.

01:12:13.000 Stereos are great to listen to.

01:12:14.000 It's cool to eat a good meal.

01:12:16.000 It's nice to live in a house that's cool to look at.

01:12:18.000 These are They're all good things.

01:12:20.000 The problem is, for most people, you become so attached to them because they're so difficult to attain.

01:12:24.000 So the true way of enlightenment isn't to just be without any possessions.

01:12:28.000 The true way is to get to a point where you don't worry about the possessions, but you appreciate them when they're there.

01:12:34.000 It's not that you become completely attached to them.

01:12:36.000 But the only way to really do that, I think, is to make enough money so that it's not that big a deal.

01:12:40.000 If someone steals your car, you can just get another car.

01:12:42.000 But the thing people like about possessions...

01:12:47.000 It's not the possession.

01:12:48.000 The thing people like is the way the possession makes them feel.

01:12:52.000 The feeling state that is induced from the thing.

01:12:57.000 People like feeling in love and people begin to associate I think that there's a place...

01:13:22.000 Maybe it's legendary and I shouldn't even believe in it, but a lot of the saints and a lot of gurus and a lot of people who seem very advanced seem to point to a place that is not dependent on being triggered by things in the material universe.

01:13:39.000 In other words, the feeling that you get from amazing stuff is a pre-existing feeling inside of you.

01:13:45.000 You already have that inside of you and you're letting stuff be the excuse to feel that way.

01:13:50.000 Whereas the idea is you can pop into a state where you're always experiencing that type of excitement and pleasure that you've limited to, if I get a great job, if I get a nice house, if I book some other thing again, or if I get a brand new car, if I get the new Mac.

01:14:07.000 I'm going to feel great.

01:14:09.000 It's like that old Buddha quote, enlightenment is possible in this lifetime.

01:14:12.000 Yes, that's exactly right.

01:14:14.000 Can't it be both?

01:14:15.000 Can't you have a badass car and still try to be enlightened?

01:14:19.000 Is that possible?

01:14:20.000 Yes!

01:14:20.000 Well, that's the thing, man.

01:14:21.000 I think there's something negative about eschewing those things.

01:14:25.000 I do too. 0.99

01:14:26.000 I think it's retarded because then you get fucking people who are lying to themselves and pretending to be a certain way. 1.00

01:14:32.000 How many people drive a Prius just for the social crisis? 0.99

01:14:35.000 I'm an environmentalist!

01:14:37.000 I'm an environmentalist!

01:14:39.000 I love the Earth!

01:14:40.000 I love this sweet Earth!

01:14:41.000 I think a lot of people buy it just for the mileage.

01:14:43.000 I'm down.

01:14:44.000 Seriously.

01:14:44.000 Yeah, sure.

01:14:44.000 I mean, it's $4 today.

01:14:46.000 But guess what?

01:14:47.000 Brad Pitt doesn't, okay?

01:14:48.000 No, people, here's the thing.

01:14:51.000 People want to put off meditating or experimenting with different forms of spirituality until they're good, until they feel like they're perfect. 0.98

01:15:01.000 They want to approach, they're like, you know, I'm going to be happy soon, but let me get rid of this other shit first. 0.74

01:15:06.000 I've got to take care of this stuff. 0.97

01:15:08.000 That's not it.

01:15:09.000 The idea is you approach understanding yourself and the universe and your connection to the universe not from a place where you think you're going to be, but from where you are right now is some filthy, filthy thing.

01:15:22.000 No matter what, if you haven't really meditated a lot, the chances are you're absorbed in some... 1.00

01:15:27.000 If you're on Earth, you're absorbed in some really stupid, crazy shit. 1.00

01:15:31.000 And if you wait till you're better balanced to start meditating, you're not. 1.00

01:15:34.000 You're never going to meditate.

01:15:36.000 Right. 1.00

01:15:36.000 You're never going to get into just from exactly where you're at as a fucking sex crazed beast or an alcoholic or with seven heroin needles falling out of your arm. 1.00

01:15:48.000 Approach it from that place. 0.99

01:15:50.000 And that's where you start getting really cool results, man.

01:15:53.000 When you come at it from where you're at.

01:15:54.000 Well, it's like everything else.

01:15:55.000 You just have to do it.

01:15:56.000 It's like, well, I'm going to start exercising soon.

01:15:58.000 I'm going to quit smoking soon.

01:15:59.000 I'm going to do this soon.

01:16:00.000 Just start doing it.

01:16:01.000 It's the same thing as everything else. 0.98

01:16:03.000 You have to somehow or another trigger that action in your brain to force your body to move in the direction of whatever the fuck it is you need to do. 0.83

01:16:11.000 Hopefully we can hack our brains in the future where we know exactly what to do to motivate them. 0.99

01:16:17.000 I don't want to be the first, though, because there's a bunch of dudes that are going to turn gay because they try to get smarter. 1.00

01:16:24.000 Because for sure that's going to happen, man. 1.00

01:16:26.000 They're going to fucking stab the wrong part of your cortex and you're just like, yummy cock. 1.00

01:16:30.000 Why does cock seem so yummy? 1.00

01:16:32.000 Could you imagine? 0.99

01:16:33.000 Coming to?

01:16:34.000 You come to from your operation and you're like, oh.

01:16:37.000 You just want to get.

01:16:37.000 Oh, you look at the doctor.

01:16:39.000 God damn, he's hot. 1.00

01:16:40.000 Yummy, yummy cock. 1.00

01:16:42.000 You can't stop saying. 1.00

01:16:43.000 What if like you could live forever, but for whatever reason, like every couple minutes you just start going, yummy cock. 1.00

01:16:48.000 Yummy, yummy. 0.99

01:16:50.000 You can't even help it.

01:16:51.000 You're on a date, you know, having some meat.

01:16:53.000 Well, you know, I've gone to a few plays lately, Yummy Cock. 0.98

01:16:57.000 Yeah.

01:16:58.000 You know, the interviews, you know one of the great things about being immortal is just the Yummy Cock.

01:17:06.000 He's immortal, but it's messy.

01:17:09.000 Well, I don't know, man. 0.99

01:17:10.000 It's easily possible that they could fuck up the first couple of times to try to rewire the brain and just create psychopaths. 0.97

01:17:15.000 Listen, I love the idea of going to the gym and putting my brain in the same place where the kids play while my body goes and works out. 0.99

01:17:22.000 That would be the fucking best. 0.63

01:17:24.000 Do you think that if there was a place where you could go where you could go and just lie down in a machine and the body would be forced to do all this work without you ever having to exert effort mentally, you would be down with that? 0.99

01:17:40.000 Yeah.

01:17:40.000 I'd do it.

01:17:41.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:17:42.000 But you would miss out the whole thing.

01:17:43.000 The whole thing is developing the character to push through the hard workout, which elevates your human potential.

01:17:51.000 Sure.

01:17:52.000 Or get really good at StarCraft while your body's working.

01:17:55.000 Yeah.

01:17:57.000 Let your body do the hard part.

01:17:59.000 But that's how you develop character, though.

01:18:02.000 I mean, that's a big way.

01:18:04.000 There's something that's definitely to be learned from separating your body and your mind and forcing your body to work for your mind. 1.00

01:18:11.000 When your body's struggling, your body wants to quit, and you go, shut up, bitch, keep going. 1.00

01:18:15.000 And then when it's over, you're like, wow, I did it. 0.99

01:18:17.000 I got through it.

01:18:18.000 This is a tough struggle.

01:18:19.000 Because when you're doing like, you ever do bodyweight squats?

01:18:21.000 You know what they are?

01:18:22.000 Hindu squats? 0.94

01:18:24.000 Yeah, I think I tried squats once.

01:18:26.000 Well, it's very easy to do one, you know? 0.98

01:18:28.000 Anybody can go down on your, you know, put your ass to the back of your ankles and then stand back up again. 0.99

01:18:34.000 It's not hard. 0.99

01:18:34.000 Very few people can do 500. And it's one of those things where when you start doing it, you get into it, you do like 25 and then you're like, holy shit, 26, 27, the lactic burn. 0.99

01:18:46.000 You know, the muscle burn in your legs. 0.95

01:18:48.000 It starts getting pretty intense.

01:18:49.000 But it's not a difficult thing to do.

01:18:52.000 It's not difficult to just stand up.

01:18:53.000 So in your mind, it's very hard to accept that when should I stop?

01:18:57.000 Should I stop now?

01:18:58.000 I can't do another one.

01:18:59.000 You can't stand up?

01:19:00.000 You really can't stand up one more time just with your own body weight?

01:19:04.000 So you have to like figure out how to order your brain to work for you and push through it.

01:19:10.000 And sometimes for like a couple of minutes you'll be in agony taking big deep breaths and then push out another one and go down and big deep breaths.

01:19:18.000 When do you want to quit?

01:19:18.000 Well you want to quit at like 25 or 26 when it starts getting a little bit difficult.

01:19:22.000 Your brain starts going, alright, let's stop, let's stop, let's stop. 0.99

01:19:25.000 Your body's going, I'm sending you these signals, this shit is not fun, let's cut it off. 0.99

01:19:28.000 And then you have to figure out a way to manage that and balance that. 0.96

01:19:31.000 And once you do, once you do have the ability to push yourself through brutal workouts, push yourself through like jiu-jitsu class and kickboxing class and stuff like that, when you develop a character, you develop something, you develop a control over your body that the average person doesn't have.

01:19:47.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:19:48.000 Like those fucking guys who can do those divers, free divers, that, I respect the shit out of that. 0.99

01:19:54.000 I think it's a crazy thing, but some of those guys who can go underwater for like seven minutes. 0.99

01:19:58.000 Oh, that's crazy, man.

01:19:59.000 That's one of my favorite things to watch.

01:20:01.000 Yeah, me too. 1.00

01:20:02.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:20:03.000 How do you do that? 1.00

01:20:04.000 Power over your body, using your mind and your willpower to control your body.

01:20:10.000 I mean, it takes a long time for them to get up to that amount of weight in your breath.

01:20:14.000 But God, man, perfect example. 0.97

01:20:16.000 Every second you want to quit, every goddamn second, your body is sending signals like, enough, enough, enough, let's get some air! 0.98

01:20:21.000 When I was in Hawaii, stoned out of my mind from drinking pot tincture, we went snorkeling. 0.98

01:20:27.000 And there was our group snorkeling.

01:20:30.000 And then I realized there was a guy with a snorkel who wasn't in our group.

01:20:34.000 And there's no boat anywhere to be seen.

01:20:37.000 And, like, land is far the fuck away.

01:20:39.000 And this guy's swimming around and, like, we're all snorkeling.

01:20:41.000 He goes under.

01:20:43.000 And I'm watching him go...

01:20:46.000 Way, way, way, way, way down.

01:20:48.000 And he's staying down there.

01:20:49.000 And he knows we're watching him.

01:20:50.000 And he's staying down there for an impossibly long time. 0.99

01:20:53.000 And I'm like, it went from eating like, wow, that guy's great to like, my heart started beating because I was like, oh, fuck, I think this guy's drowning. 0.99

01:21:00.000 Like, I think this guy's going to die. 0.99

01:21:02.000 He turns over on his back.

01:21:04.000 Right?

01:21:05.000 And his arms go out loose and limp.

01:21:07.000 And his body starts floating up to the surface.

01:21:10.000 And then he just smiles and waves at us.

01:21:12.000 He was faking drowning. 0.95

01:21:13.000 Because he could just hold his breath so fucking long. 0.96

01:21:15.000 And I guess one of the things he liked to do in Hawaii was to snorkel out to the groups and make them think that he had drowned. 1.00

01:21:22.000 Holy shit. 0.99

01:21:23.000 So he practices his free diving by freaking people out? 1.00

01:21:26.000 Yeah!

01:21:26.000 Because I really thought he was under so impossibly long.

01:21:31.000 It was crazy.

01:21:32.000 Whoa. 1.00

01:21:33.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:21:34.000 Yeah, man. 0.99

01:21:35.000 I would love to be able to do that.

01:21:37.000 That would be so amazing.

01:21:39.000 That's pretty awesome, man.

01:21:42.000 You must have the most healthy lungs to be able to do that.

01:21:45.000 That guy's probably never even had secondhand smoke.

01:21:47.000 I don't know.

01:21:48.000 I think it's something you build up to.

01:21:49.000 I think it's something just like everything else.

01:21:51.000 The only way you can do 500 bodyweight squats is you've got to start off with 25 and work your way up to 500. I think they just developed the ability to hold their breath.

01:22:00.000 I know Egan Inoue, who is an MMA fighter.

01:22:04.000 Him and his brother Ensign are pretty famous pioneers and his brother Egan is famous for being a freediver.

01:22:10.000 I think he won some sort of crazy title.

01:22:13.000 I think at one point in time he held his breath longer than anybody else. 1.00

01:22:19.000 Maybe SEALs and shit train you to do that. 0.99

01:22:21.000 It's part of boot camp, probably. 0.99

01:22:23.000 I would imagine, you know?

01:22:23.000 Dude, I told you about my friend Eric, Eric Crisp, the guy who went to, he makes pool cues, makes these badass pool cues.

01:22:30.000 He's in the military, and he had tried out for the SEALs, and one of the things they make you do, I believe it was the SEALs, it might have been one of the special forces, one of the other groups like that, they make you drown.

01:22:40.000 Like, you literally go underwater until bubbles come up, and then your team has to rescue you.

01:22:46.000 So you have to trust in them to bring you back to life. 1.00

01:22:48.000 Fuck! 1.00

01:22:49.000 Like, you go unconscious, you drown, they pull you out before your body's totally dead, they pump the water out of you, they give you CPR, and then they bring you back to life. 1.00

01:22:56.000 And that's when he was like, I tap, I'm done.

01:22:58.000 That's enough. 1.00

01:22:59.000 Fuck this. 1.00

01:22:59.000 Yeah, he's like, I can stay up for days and go running through the woods, but I'm not gonna let you drown me. 1.00

01:23:04.000 Have you seen that video on the internet?

01:23:05.000 There's a video on the internet of an artist doing that, drowning himself in his bathtub.

01:23:09.000 Have you seen that?

01:23:09.000 What?

01:23:10.000 Yeah.

01:23:10.000 And then someone brings him back to life?

01:23:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:23:12.000 He puts a fucking concrete block on his chest in his bathtub. 1.00

01:23:18.000 Drowns. 1.00

01:23:18.000 Because basically when you suck in water, there's a reaction I think your body has where it automatically knocks you unconscious. 1.00

01:23:26.000 Really?

01:23:26.000 So yeah, he knew he would go out and his friend had to resuscitate him.

01:23:30.000 Oh my god.

01:23:31.000 Did you find it?

01:23:31.000 No.

01:23:32.000 I think look up performance artist drown self and bathtub. 0.95

01:23:36.000 I guess.

01:23:37.000 Like I'm telling you out of Google, we're both internet junkies.

01:23:41.000 Go to the Google website and type...

01:23:44.000 I prefer Bing.

01:23:46.000 Me too. 0.95

01:23:47.000 Drowned alive.

01:23:48.000 Performance art performance stunt.

01:23:50.000 Talentless self-indulgence taking the stage.

01:23:53.000 Yeah, this is...

01:23:54.000 Yeah, you piss people off.

01:23:55.000 Yeah, a lot of people are upset at him.

01:23:57.000 Talentless.

01:23:58.000 Yeah, well, maybe, but no one's saying that it's a talent thing.

01:24:01.000 Yeah, talent.

01:24:01.000 It's a crazy ball.

01:24:03.000 I'm really good at drowning myself.

01:24:04.000 I was born with this bizarre talent where I can drown myself with anything. 0.99

01:24:09.000 This fucking wonky website doesn't work. 0.99

01:24:12.000 Yeah, I don't... 0.99

01:24:13.000 It was like on a weird site where I saw...

01:24:15.000 I can't remember.

01:24:16.000 I think that was when I still used to go to...

01:24:18.000 Yeah, Toxic Junction. 1.00

01:24:19.000 Crazy Idiot Drowns Himself for Art. 1.00

01:24:21.000 That's funny. 1.00

01:24:22.000 The first one was like a critique of it, and this one is... 1.00

01:24:26.000 Crazy Idiot. 1.00

01:24:28.000 Yeah, all these sites are fucking wonky. 1.00

01:24:30.000 This one ain't working either. 0.97

01:24:31.000 Yeah, it's because we're streaming video right now, probably.

01:24:35.000 Really?

01:24:36.000 No, come on, man.

01:24:37.000 We've got cable here.

01:24:38.000 That's not what this is.

01:24:39.000 The sites are coming up instantly.

01:24:41.000 That's not what it is. 0.95

01:24:42.000 It's like, the internet just sucks. 0.95

01:24:44.000 My website sucks lately. 0.91

01:24:45.000 Yeah, but it doesn't matter what your download speed is.

01:24:48.000 Your upload speed is probably bottlenecked at something like that.

01:24:52.000 Brian, I've got a question for you.

01:24:54.000 I've got a technological question.

01:24:58.000 Why does Korea have faster internet than us?

01:25:01.000 Most countries have faster internet than us.

01:25:05.000 Why?

01:25:05.000 We're just behind.

01:25:07.000 Because we're out there kicking ass and making freedom, Brian. 1.00

01:25:10.000 Some shit that gets left behind. 0.99

01:25:12.000 Same reason why there's cell phones, you know, or there are video games, everything. 0.99

01:25:15.000 Here it is.

01:25:16.000 Here's Homeboy.

01:25:17.000 If you just look up drowning performance art, go look at it up on YouTube.

01:25:22.000 I'm going to watch it real quick and see if it's worth it.

01:25:24.000 How can you not?

01:25:26.000 Oh, he talks about it.

01:25:27.000 Okay. 0.97

01:25:28.000 Go to it, Brian, because this guy is actually going to explain what the fuck he's going to do before.

01:25:35.000 has on YouTube.

01:25:36.000 How many?

01:25:36.000 Let's guess.

01:25:37.000 I say 35,000.

01:25:39.000 I want to know what advertisements comes up.

01:25:40.000 How many do you say?

01:25:41.000 I say 35,000.

01:25:43.000 How many?

01:25:43.000 I got to put that in 100,000.

01:25:45.000 100,000.

01:25:46.000 Let's say 27,000. 1.00

01:25:48.000 Shit. 1.00

01:25:48.000 Really? 1.00

01:25:49.000 You overestimate the Justin Bieber fans of the world. 1.00

01:25:53.000 But then again, you know, look, Justin Bieber is at least singing a fucking song. 0.97

01:25:58.000 This But no, you put Justin Bieber as the soundtrack to a guy drowning himself in the bathtub, it'll quadruple the views. 0.98

01:26:06.000 You know, I don't know what Justin Bieber sounds like.

01:26:08.000 I have no idea what a Justin Bieber song is.

01:26:10.000 He's looking like an angel.

01:26:11.000 Is that it, Brian?

01:26:12.000 Yeah, just do the commercial first.

01:26:13.000 That one has a commercial?

01:26:14.000 What commercial?

01:26:15.000 What product are they selling with this guy's drowning video?

01:26:18.000 Starcraft, it looks like.

01:26:19.000 No.

01:26:20.000 Some kind of a video game.

01:26:21.000 Yeah, weird.

01:26:24.000 Halo or StarCraft?

01:26:26.000 I did another podcast on a plane with Ari Shaffir.

01:26:29.000 Oh, how'd it go?

01:26:29.000 We were Blitzkrieg.

01:26:31.000 We ate an edible before we got on the plane.

01:26:33.000 It's the best.

01:26:33.000 Dude, we were gone.

01:26:35.000 Scary gone.

01:26:37.000 My whole body was tingling with vulnerability.

01:26:41.000 You get to that state.

01:26:43.000 But you're still taken care of on a plane.

01:26:45.000 It's the perfect place to do it.

01:26:47.000 Until you freak out and you can't get off the plane.

01:26:49.000 Last time Ari was on a plane and did it, he almost had to tell the stewardess that, hey, I need to get off the plane. 0.79

01:26:55.000 Could you land a plane?

01:26:55.000 That's a bit of an exaggeration.

01:26:58.000 This is the time he was with me.

01:27:00.000 He said, I almost had to get off the plane.

01:27:03.000 I was like, really?

01:27:04.000 Not really.

01:27:05.000 It was just a thought in his head, but he never really actually did it.

01:27:08.000 Like you press the stewardess button and ask if they would mind landing the plane for a second?

01:27:12.000 I don't mind landing in Phoenix really quick.

01:27:13.000 I just have to run into the woods.

01:27:14.000 I don't want to be rude.

01:27:14.000 I don't want to run out into the desert and find myself.

01:27:20.000 Ari goes deep because... 1.00

01:27:22.000 I'd like to introduce myself.

01:27:23.000 My name is Jonathan Murphy.

01:27:25.000 I'm a performance artist.

01:27:27.000 Oh, I hate him already.

01:27:28.000 My work is heavily influenced by Chris Burden's performance art from the 70s.

01:27:35.000 He's the artist most famous for his piece shoot in which he had his friend shoot him in the arm with a.22 caliber rifle.

01:27:42.000 That was a wonderful piece.

01:27:44.000 What you're about to see next is a piece of mine entitled Drowning.

01:27:51.000 I feel that this piece requires a little bit of explanation.

01:27:57.000 When water enters the airway, the vocal cords constrict and seal off the air tube, thus preventing any water from entering the lungs.

01:28:08.000 This is called a laryngospasm.

01:28:12.000 During this initial phase of drowning, very little water, if any, actually enters the lungs.

01:28:19.000 It actually fills up the stomach.

01:28:25.000 My hands were bound and a concrete block was placed on my chest.

01:28:29.000 This was done in order to weigh me down, but it also would help force air out of my lungs once I lost breath.

01:28:37.000 You'll see that nose clips were used as well in order to ensure safety.

01:28:43.000 My friends were instructed to wait for me to go unconscious and then immediately pull me out of the water.

01:28:50.000 That incocks, it sounds like. 0.98

01:28:52.000 So, I think that's pretty much it.

01:28:56.000 Let's watch.

01:28:57.000 His friend, like how many minutes did his friend think about not picking up that lock?

01:29:03.000 I wonder how long you went under for.

01:29:04.000 So this guy's in his underwears now. 1.00

01:29:07.000 First of all, that's a bitch-ass move. 1.00

01:29:08.000 If you're gonna drown, you should be balls out. 1.00

01:29:11.000 Fucking let your cock hang out, son. 1.00

01:29:13.000 Shit yourself. 1.00

01:29:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:29:15.000 Come on, man. 1.00

01:29:16.000 You're afraid we're gonna see your penis while you're drowning? 1.00

01:29:19.000 You know, you're showing us your ass there, sonny boy. 1.00

01:29:21.000 You're dying in a tub, and you're worried about people seeing your penis? 1.00

01:29:24.000 You fucking pussy. 1.00

01:29:26.000 I'm a performance artist. 1.00

01:29:28.000 You fucking fake crazy person. 1.00

01:29:29.000 There's a cinder block on his chest. 1.00

01:29:31.000 By the way, that cinder block ain't stopping me from drowning, bitch. 1.00

01:29:34.000 I'll stand right the fuck up with that thing on me. 1.00

01:29:35.000 What the fuck is that? 0.99

01:29:36.000 Is that real? 1.00

01:29:37.000 He's dumb. 1.00

01:29:38.000 So is this guy just gonna start breathing now? 1.00

01:29:40.000 What happens here?

01:29:42.000 He's just lying there with this finger block on his chest and somehow Somewhere around the...

01:29:54.000 I guess he's gonna take a breath of water?

01:29:57.000 Yeah, he's gonna have to get air and he won't be able to get out.

01:30:00.000 So he's just holding his breath right now as long as he can?

01:30:02.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:30:03.000 So what the fuck happened to this guy while we're going through this? 0.99

01:30:06.000 Because this is probably going to take a minute. 1.00

01:30:07.000 What the fuck happened to this guy that he wants to drown himself in a tub? 1.00

01:30:10.000 Watch too many episodes of Two and a Half Men. 1.00

01:30:12.000 That affected way he talks makes me want to kick him in the balls, doesn't it? 0.99

01:30:15.000 Oh, this is for the arts, Joe. 1.00

01:30:17.000 You don't understand.

01:30:18.000 My work was heavily influenced by another douchebag from the 70s. 0.96

01:30:21.000 He shot himself in the arm. 0.81

01:30:23.000 It's an amazing piece.

01:30:24.000 This piece called Shoot Me.

01:30:26.000 And this is called Bathtow Drowning.

01:30:28.000 This is called...

01:30:29.000 The most unoriginal names.

01:30:30.000 This is called Drowning.

01:30:32.000 Well, I mean, that's what it is.

01:30:34.000 Why call it anything else, right? 0.99

01:30:35.000 Just fucking put some icing on it. 0.99

01:30:37.000 Come up with something. 0.99

01:30:38.000 I don't know, man.

01:30:40.000 So while we're pausing, folks, this guy's still just lying there in the tub holding his breath.

01:30:45.000 With his eyes open.

01:30:45.000 Yeah, he hasn't given up yet.

01:30:48.000 And he's getting ready to give up.

01:30:50.000 He's starting to spouse because it's towards the end of the video.

01:30:53.000 The beautiful thing about YouTube is you can see that little bar at the bottom.

01:30:56.000 There he goes.

01:30:58.000 There he goes.

01:30:59.000 He's breathing now.

01:31:01.000 Oh, wow. 1.00

01:31:02.000 Oh, this is fucked. 1.00

01:31:04.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

01:31:05.000 Whoa.

01:31:16.000 So they got him on the floor now, and now they're doing CPR to him.

01:31:26.000 All right. 1.00

01:31:35.000 Oh, this is so fucked. 1.00

01:31:36.000 The guy's blowing in his mouth right now, and he's still not back. 1.00

01:31:39.000 He's still done.

01:31:40.000 I guess this guy, hopefully this guy really knows how to do CPR.

01:31:50.000 I took this class a couple years ago.

01:31:52.000 Ever done this to a live body before?

01:31:54.000 You want a real experienced lifeguard type character.

01:31:58.000 It seems like it's taking a long time. 0.99

01:32:00.000 This is scary as shit. 0.99

01:32:02.000 He's counting. 0.99

01:32:04.000 He's looking up and counting and blowing into this guy's...

01:32:06.000 I don't see a lot of effort on his part either. 0.91

01:32:08.000 I don't see him really fucking pushing that air out. 0.87

01:32:10.000 I wouldn't try. 1.00

01:32:11.000 This is fucked, man. 1.00

01:32:12.000 This guy's still under. 1.00

01:32:13.000 Or dead or drowned or whatever.

01:32:15.000 I mean, isn't brain cells dying right now?

01:32:18.000 Yeah.

01:32:18.000 Well, I mean, how many minutes does it have to be?

01:32:20.000 Because it hasn't been that many minutes since the guy was completely under.

01:32:23.000 Well, he was under the bath.

01:32:25.000 Seems like they got it back.

01:32:28.000 Yeah, what if they didn't and they're both assisted murderers, you know?

01:32:30.000 The sound that you heard was his friend running back into the room.

01:32:33.000 Wow.

01:32:40.000 Wow.

01:32:41.000 And now he's back to life. 1.00

01:32:42.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:32:45.000 Holy shit. 1.00

01:32:47.000 What the fuck, man. 1.00

01:32:49.000 That took a long ass time. 1.00

01:32:51.000 Holy fuck. 1.00

01:32:59.000 Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. 1.00

01:33:01.000 Dude, that is a trip. 0.99

01:33:05.000 Let's see at the end, Brian. 1.00

01:33:07.000 Let's see if he's got something stupid to say. 1.00

01:33:09.000 I'm like, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. 1.00

01:33:12.000 Don't try this at home. 0.99

01:33:18.000 We are all fascinated by that transition, you know, from here to there, from present to not, from life to death, from here to gone, you know?

01:33:28.000 We're all fascinated by that, man.

01:33:29.000 The death of the body.

01:33:30.000 How often do you trip about that?

01:33:32.000 Dying.

01:33:33.000 Oh, look what I got for you, by the way, that you keep forgetting.

01:33:35.000 I got your notebook that you left here when you lived here.

01:33:39.000 We're not going to read from it.

01:33:40.000 Joe's already read through it.

01:33:42.000 I heard about what you have to say about ponies.

01:33:46.000 Yeah.

01:33:47.000 Thanks.

01:33:48.000 This thing has been burning a hole through my chest.

01:33:50.000 You're just lucky that you didn't become famous. 1.00

01:33:53.000 You're lucky that you didn't become famous in the time between living here and going out on your own, because I would have sold that fucking thing. 0.99

01:34:00.000 If you were Charlie Sheen, I'd be on the Today Show right now. 0.99

01:34:03.000 I have the documents.

01:34:04.000 That is a true friend to give this embarrassing journal back.

01:34:07.000 Well, this is a journal that Duncan got the boot from his missus back in the day and lived with me for a few months.

01:34:13.000 Best roommate ever, by the way.

01:34:15.000 The only one that's ever cleaned.

01:34:16.000 I've had a couple guys live with me.

01:34:17.000 The only one that ever, like, actually kept his room clean is Duncan. 0.98

01:34:21.000 Tate lived with me for a few months and was like a goddamn tornado in there. 1.00

01:34:24.000 Tate's a fucking savage. 1.00

01:34:25.000 Tate might as well, I just might as well just cut a hole in the side of the hill and Tate would have lived in there just the same. 1.00

01:34:31.000 Tate's crazy.

01:34:33.000 But anyway, Duncan wrote this journal about his feelings and the relationship.

01:34:37.000 And the reason why I brought this up, the reason why my mind even went to it in the first place, is because a lot of people are scared of the isolation tank for the same reason they're scared of death.

01:34:46.000 Right.

01:34:46.000 Because it almost is like a personal death of you.

01:34:48.000 You know, like a temporary death of you.

01:34:50.000 Yeah.

01:34:51.000 For a brief moment.

01:34:52.000 You cease to exist when you go into that tank.

01:34:54.000 That tank is also something that helped you.

01:34:57.000 And this is where the connection to this journal comes from.

01:34:59.000 When you were going through this breakup, you kind of reassessed your whole life.

01:35:03.000 It was really interesting to watch.

01:35:05.000 You came when you called me up and you were really bummed out.

01:35:09.000 And she kicked you out and you were in a hotel room.

01:35:12.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:35:12.000 And I'm like, hey, fucking come live with me. 0.99

01:35:14.000 And then you moved and you were like a little frazzled. 0.99

01:35:16.000 You were like...

01:35:16.000 Thanks a lot, man.

01:35:17.000 I really appreciate it.

01:35:18.000 I'm like, hey, I'm living by myself.

01:35:19.000 This is all good.

01:35:20.000 You know, Duncan's living with me now.

01:35:21.000 We're going to have some fun.

01:35:22.000 It's been great, dude.

01:35:22.000 Everything's going to be fine.

01:35:23.000 But you were clearly, like, lost. 1.00

01:35:26.000 You know, when you get dumped, man, it's like this fucking feeling of shit. 1.00

01:35:32.000 I don't have a home anymore. 1.00

01:35:34.000 Like, where am I sleeping now?

01:35:36.000 Massive, like, just 100% change.

01:35:39.000 Complete.

01:35:40.000 You've been living this certain way long enough to get used to it, and then all of a sudden, everything absolutely changes.

01:35:46.000 Like, just a huge turn that...

01:35:51.000 You probably thought could happen, but you're, you know, trying to imagine that it wasn't even a possibility and it happens.

01:35:57.000 Well, that, yeah, that's like, you go into shock, you're attached to a certain rhythm, a certain pattern, a certain set of surroundings.

01:36:05.000 That massively changes you. 0.98

01:36:07.000 You go into shock, and that is the perfect time to get in a fucking flotation tank when everything's discombobulated and floating around inside of you and all the weird assemblage of emotions and More than anything, though, what's cool about that shit is you get a real taste of truth. 0.99

01:36:23.000 Like that's what truth is right there. 0.98

01:36:25.000 That's like the experience of truth, which is change, which is dramatic, radical change. 0.99

01:36:32.000 Fucking unavoidable. 0.97

01:36:34.000 Happens all the time. 0.99

01:36:35.000 The isolation tank keeps you from distracting yourself and makes you think about your life.

01:36:40.000 Yeah.

01:36:40.000 It makes you think about what's going on.

01:36:41.000 So, for me, it was so fascinating having you here at a real low point and watching you pull right out of it.

01:36:50.000 Right out of it.

01:36:51.000 Like, very quickly. 1.00

01:36:52.000 Like, when you got into that tank, within a few weeks, man, you were laughing about shit and joking around about shit. 1.00

01:36:58.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:36:59.000 Yeah, it was cool.

01:37:00.000 It was...

01:37:00.000 Yeah, it definitely, definitely helped.

01:37:03.000 And that's why you're...

01:37:04.000 That's why friends are so important, because, like...

01:37:07.000 If you don't have friends and you get into that predicament, oh.

01:37:13.000 Terrible.

01:37:14.000 It's worth feeling alone.

01:37:15.000 You feel completely alone.

01:37:16.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:37:17.000 But, you know, even if you don't have friends, you can still pull yourself out of it.

01:37:22.000 But you have to, I guess, really want, you know, you have to want to.

01:37:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:37:28.000 Well, look, anyone can improve their surroundings.

01:37:31.000 You can improve your situation.

01:37:32.000 But it was really interesting for me watching you because it was such an unusual opportunity for both of us.

01:37:39.000 It was an unusual opportunity for me to watch someone who didn't have a lot of experience with a tank, but who was such a curious person and psychedelically experienced like you, and then have access to this thing on a daily basis.

01:37:52.000 And for me to watch you go from this really low point to really gaining ground, you came out of it stronger.

01:38:01.000 It was so fucking cool climbing out of that thing in that state of being, in the state of having had...

01:38:09.000 Because psychedelics are not limited to drugs. 0.70

01:38:14.000 There are many ways to induce a psychedelic state of mind, the tank being one of them.

01:38:20.000 Another way to induce a psychedelic state of mind is to have dramatic change happen in your life that rips back whatever delusion you are living by and shows you the true universe.

01:38:32.000 Yeah, the term psychedelic to a lot of people means like seeing things that aren't there, hallucinations. 0.90

01:38:39.000 Dancing mice, you know, shit like that. 0.94

01:38:41.000 Pink elephants flying through the sky. 0.99

01:38:42.000 That's not a real psychedelic state.

01:38:45.000 The real psychedelic state is the dissolution of cultural conformity and your ideas of the universe, all your predetermined patterns of thinking, all your...

01:38:55.000 Your adopted behavior patterns, all that gets stripped away and you're left with the core of you and your decisions and what you can and can't change and how you led yourself into a position where you were so weak in the first place that you needed saving from.

01:39:11.000 Why did you have no foundation?

01:39:13.000 Why did you fall apart?

01:39:14.000 What is it about life and about trying to get by in this world that leaves us so fucking vulnerable sometimes and so in need of other human beings to stack us up and to hold us up?

01:39:25.000 And watching you, man... 0.80

01:39:27.000 It was really fucking cool. 0.98

01:39:28.000 It was really cool because you really used it, man. 0.99

01:39:30.000 You got in there all the time, you know, and you were getting out and talking about it, and it was a fucking trip. 0.93

01:39:35.000 I don't know if you wrote about it in the thing, because I didn't read it. 0.97

01:39:39.000 I've had that thing for years.

01:39:40.000 You didn't even take a look at that.

01:39:42.000 I read to him over the phone, and then he made me stop, and I said, all right, I won't read any more of it.

01:39:47.000 I believe you.

01:39:47.000 That's insane!

01:39:49.000 This is years ago. 1.00

01:39:49.000 That thing has been sitting in my fucking office for... 1.00

01:39:52.000 Oh, I'm terrified. 0.99

01:39:53.000 I think it's like 2004 or something.

01:39:55.000 What year was this?

01:39:56.000 I can't wait till...

01:39:56.000 I didn't date it.

01:39:57.000 2004 or 2005, I believe it was.

01:40:00.000 I didn't date it.

01:40:01.000 Yeah.

01:40:01.000 Ugh.

01:40:02.000 It's cool, though. 0.99

01:40:03.000 I mean, you got a window into a certain time in your life, you know, where you were in the shits. 0.99

01:40:09.000 Well, I'll tell you, man. 0.99

01:40:11.000 That unfortunately happens.

01:40:14.000 But...

01:40:16.000 You say that, but I don't think it's unfortunate at all.

01:40:18.000 Oh, right.

01:40:19.000 Imagine if you were stuck with that chick now. 1.00

01:40:20.000 No.

01:40:21.000 Jesus Christ.

01:40:21.000 Think about that.

01:40:22.000 Think about your situation now and think about your situation then, how much happier you are now.

01:40:26.000 You could have been stuck.

01:40:27.000 If you talked her into taking you back or something gross.

01:40:32.000 With a child or something?

01:40:33.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:40:34.000 Stop right there.

01:40:36.000 I mean, it's funny how you're a different human now than you were then.

01:40:40.000 You're so much more confident.

01:40:41.000 You know, it's one of the things that I saw when you went up in Montreal.

01:40:44.000 Like, even your sets now, you're so much more confident.

01:40:47.000 You go up there, you're so much more, you know, you're so much more, what's the word?

01:40:53.000 You're resigned to who you are.

01:40:56.000 Yeah.

01:40:56.000 Not resigned, rather.

01:40:59.000 I'll take it.

01:40:59.000 But it's not resigned.

01:41:01.000 Because that sounds like you're giving up.

01:41:02.000 That's not what I mean.

01:41:03.000 You are completely aware of who you are.

01:41:06.000 That's the best way of saying it.

01:41:07.000 Yeah.

01:41:07.000 And that when you're going on stage now, you're going on stage not trying to convince them of anything.

01:41:13.000 You're just, this is me and this is what I'm doing.

01:41:15.000 This is what I have to say.

01:41:16.000 Whereas before, you were like, hey, I hope you like me.

01:41:19.000 Yeah.

01:41:19.000 Do you like me?

01:41:20.000 You don't like me?

01:41:21.000 Well, here, I'm going to say something.

01:41:22.000 I guess...

01:41:23.000 Let me just say, I think the reason the word resigned popped out of your mouth first is because I think there is a certain level of being, and it sounds like it's like I'm giving up, but resigned can also be like a kind of surrender, where you're like, I'm just no longer going to spend time, whether on stage or off stage, Yes.

01:41:53.000 Yes.

01:41:55.000 Which is not a perfect place for most people. 0.78

01:41:58.000 Most of us are, you know, have fucked up things that we do. 0.55

01:42:04.000 And why wouldn't you? 0.65

01:42:05.000 I mean, you're going to look at where you're at. 1.00

01:42:07.000 Like you say, we're in a fucking ball flying through fucking space. 0.99

01:42:10.000 How are you supposed to adapt to this in some brilliant way right off the bat? 1.00

01:42:16.000 You know, you can't.

01:42:17.000 You can't.

01:42:18.000 You're in this insane dimension where we're getting rocketed through space, where you're gonna die.

01:42:23.000 You're surrounded by people who call themselves your family that you're supposed to have attachments to.

01:42:29.000 They're gonna die.

01:42:30.000 You're in a life where you've just adopted certain modes of being.

01:42:34.000 I didn't have a baby.

01:42:35.000 I didn't get married.

01:42:36.000 But a lot of people do when they weren't ready and they weren't supposed to.

01:42:41.000 And they get married and they have a baby. 0.98

01:42:43.000 And they are, theoretically, for this incarnation, pretty fucking trapped. 0.98

01:42:48.000 A lot of people are. 0.90

01:42:50.000 They have all kinds of weird situations where the relationship, they're stuck somehow or another, whether it's because of a mortgage or because of a business that they started together.

01:42:58.000 Or a mental idea of how things are supposed to be.

01:43:01.000 You're stuck with some person.

01:43:01.000 Or you give birth to a child that...

01:43:03.000 It has like a melted brain and you've got to take care of like a little like sick kid for 12 years or like there's so many different ways that your particular DNA can get rivuleted down into a shitty trap where you're just like there it's like that's why I like that movie you said you didn't want to see it and I'm sorry if you've seen it didn't like it but what was that 127 hours did you see that? 0.99

01:43:29.000 No, I didn't see it because I knew the story and I, you know, I don't want to watch some dude hack his fucking arm arm. 0.99

01:43:34.000 Yeah, that's just a torture movie. 0.99

01:43:35.000 There's no reason to watch it.

01:43:36.000 Dude, everybody says that it's a torture movie, like it was fixated on the gore or the...

01:43:41.000 But it wasn't. 0.99

01:43:42.000 It's a fucking metaphor, which is that sometimes doing the thing you love to do, whatever it is, and that's for a lot of people, is fucking. 0.99

01:43:52.000 Doing the thing you love most, you can end up getting your goddamn arm pinned So you're connecting someone having a baby to cutting your arm off. 0.99

01:44:00.000 That's funny. 0.99

01:44:01.000 No, I'm kidding.

01:44:02.000 No, I'm not connecting.

01:44:03.000 If you have a baby for the right reason...

01:44:05.000 No, I know what you're saying for the wrong reason.

01:44:07.000 I know what you're saying.

01:44:08.000 Look, you're saying what a lot of single people with no children say.

01:44:11.000 And what you're saying is, you know, we were talking about our friend who tweeted something about having a child is like the exact opposite of winning the lottery.

01:44:18.000 Yeah.

01:44:18.000 I used to think the exact same way until I had children.

01:44:21.000 But my situation is very different in that, first of all, I'm...

01:44:26.000 I've had more experience in life and I'm secure financially and happy in the relationship.

01:44:32.000 So it was all good things at a good time.

01:44:35.000 But when I look back on past relationships, some of them, there's a bunch of relationships that I've been in. 0.97

01:44:40.000 You know, like way back in the day when I was younger and I really didn't know what the fuck I was doing. 0.98

01:44:46.000 I was hanging around with chicks that I probably really didn't even like that much, but I was still having sex with them. 1.00

01:44:50.000 And sometimes you'd have like a crazy fucking breakup or crazy bad relationship. 0.99

01:44:54.000 That person could be out there with your kid and then you have to deal with all kinds of the nonsense that comes with that. 0.99

01:45:01.000 I mean, we all know somebody that has kids, you know, that's in some shit situation. 0.99

01:45:05.000 Yeah. 0.99

01:45:06.000 So I hear what you're saying, man.

01:45:09.000 Yeah, what I'm really saying is the idea, and it goes back to- Of being comfortable, resigned to who you are.

01:45:16.000 Yes, that's where I think- I didn't like the way I said resigned, though.

01:45:19.000 I didn't mean resigned.

01:45:20.000 I don't mind.

01:45:21.000 Sometimes you have to be resigned.

01:45:23.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

01:45:23.000 Not all of us are fucking Charlie Sheen. 0.99

01:45:25.000 Not all of us are rock stars from Mars. 0.99

01:45:28.000 Not all of us are... 0.96

01:45:29.000 A freaking rock star from Mars.

01:45:30.000 Yeah. 0.69

01:45:31.000 Some of us are like...

01:45:32.000 Trying to pretend I'm not special. 0.99

01:45:34.000 We're fucked up in a lot of ways, man. 0.99

01:45:36.000 And that's... 0.99

01:45:36.000 If you start from... 0.99

01:45:37.000 It's like...

01:45:39.000 You know one thing that I would try to do when I used to work out and when I first started working out?

01:45:44.000 I would try to lift weight that was so much more heavy than what I should have been lifting out of this sense of like, I could lift heavy weights!

01:45:54.000 And so now I'm trying to lift way too... 0.95

01:45:57.000 I should be at the fucking pink weights. 0.94

01:45:59.000 And I'm like trying to do, you know what I mean? 0.98

01:46:01.000 I'm trying to do like really fucking heavy weights because it's like, this is how I see myself down the line after I've been lifting pink weights for a while. 0.85

01:46:09.000 That's how you get to the heavy weights. 0.98

01:46:11.000 But if you start off right away trying to pump those fucking heavy weights, then it's disaster. 1.00

01:46:16.000 You're going to pull your fucking muscles. 0.99

01:46:19.000 Like people, you know, like dudes who lifted weights. 1.00

01:46:22.000 One guy I think came up to me, he's like, looking at me like, what are you doing?

01:46:26.000 He's like, that's way too much weight.

01:46:29.000 And so this is like having a kid when you're 16. Having a kid when you're 16 or deciding that you're a famous comedian before you are.

01:46:36.000 Getting on stage after a couple of months and getting in your fucking head that you've been doing stand-up for 15 years or being a fucking painter and just immediately thinking you're a great painter. 0.98

01:46:48.000 Because I've had friends who've gotten into painting, right? 0.99

01:46:50.000 And they've only painted for a year.

01:46:52.000 And they show me some of their paintings.

01:46:53.000 And the look on their face is like, I'm supposed to react to it like I'm seeing a Picasso or something.

01:46:58.000 It's like...

01:46:58.000 I hate almost everyone that shows me things that I'm supposed to look at that they did.

01:47:03.000 I know.

01:47:04.000 Almost every time someone does that to me, I'm like, are you really going to do this to me, man?

01:47:08.000 Please, no.

01:47:08.000 Don't do this to me.

01:47:09.000 Don't make me read your fucking script. 1.00

01:47:12.000 Don't ask me to read your script, you fuck. 1.00

01:47:15.000 I hate that. 1.00

01:47:15.000 You think you can read my script, bro? 1.00

01:47:17.000 It's the worst.

01:47:18.000 The worst is when it's bad.

01:47:19.000 And then you're obligated to talk to them and go, here's the situation.

01:47:23.000 You basically did Men in Black meets Back to the Future written by a 12-year-old.

01:47:31.000 You can't say that.

01:47:32.000 You can't even say that.

01:47:33.000 You have to go, wow, that's pretty good, man.

01:47:35.000 It's pretty good.

01:47:36.000 Well, no, that's the thing.

01:47:38.000 That's where you get, and I think kind of what we're talking about, which is like, at some point you have to make a decision.

01:47:44.000 Am I going to spend the rest of my life lying to the world?

01:47:49.000 Am I going to spend the rest of my life trying to manipulate people around me because I'm too lazy to tell them the truth?

01:47:56.000 Or am I just going to start telling the truth?

01:47:58.000 Well, what if, though, it's a friend that's written something really cool?

01:48:01.000 What if someone has got a script? 0.96

01:48:02.000 That's the problem with all the shitheads that want you to read their scripts. 0.60

01:48:05.000 It makes you super skeptical for the occasional rare person to actually write something good. 0.98

01:48:09.000 Right.

01:48:09.000 And it's just like, hey, I think this is pretty good.

01:48:11.000 Do you want to read it?

01:48:12.000 And then you're like, yeah, all right, I'll read it.

01:48:13.000 But how many of those are there?

01:48:15.000 Most people I know who are really good at things, they don't ask me to look at it.

01:48:19.000 I end up looking at it because I want to.

01:48:22.000 Yeah. 0.98

01:48:22.000 Like my friend Emoli just visited, like his music's fucking good. 0.98

01:48:26.000 So like I try to get new CDs of his because I want to listen to it because it's really fucking good. 0.94

01:48:31.000 But sometimes somebody else sends you something. 0.97

01:48:33.000 Or somebody, you'd be in their car if they're a musician and then they'll put their shit on and you have to listen to it. 0.99

01:48:38.000 That's the worst! 0.99

01:48:40.000 Never do that!

01:48:42.000 Never let a musician drive.

01:48:44.000 You always have to drive.

01:48:45.000 And never let them get in your car with a CD. What's in your hand, bitch? 1.00

01:48:48.000 What's in your fucking hand? 1.00

01:48:49.000 What's in your fucking hand? 1.00

01:48:51.000 You know why? 1.00

01:48:52.000 Because you're forced suddenly, not just to evaluate how miserable an artist they are, how cliche and shitty their music is, but also you realize that the fact that they felt comfortable playing this for you means they think it's good. 0.98

01:49:06.000 So they're so deluded and so fucked up, they're like, oh yeah, they've been waiting all day to play their music. 0.98

01:49:12.000 You get really attached to a script or a piece of music or a joke. 0.98

01:49:16.000 I mean, how many times have you had a friend who's just starting out and they have a bit and you want to tell them, like, hey man, you need to drop that bit.

01:49:22.000 That bit ain't good.

01:49:23.000 I'm like, no, no, no, it's good.

01:49:25.000 It's good.

01:49:26.000 This is a bad crowd tonight.

01:49:28.000 I've been doing it.

01:49:29.000 It's been killing.

01:49:29.000 Terrible crowd.

01:49:30.000 But you're fundamentally looking at the whole premise and what he's saying and you're like, this is a shit joke, dude. 1.00

01:49:34.000 This is terrible. 1.00

01:49:36.000 It's a clunker.

01:49:37.000 If someone's been doing stand-up for less than a year, I don't even critique their material because I know they're going to grow out of it and it's going to change.

01:49:46.000 The first year of stand-up, you can't...

01:49:51.000 You're lucky if you're really fine.

01:49:53.000 Well, isn't that like any bit, it only takes a couple things to add to something.

01:49:58.000 That's the whole point.

01:49:59.000 No bit starts off like a grade A bit from the beginning, usually.

01:50:02.000 It's usually you have some kind of idea and you try to go through it and add to it and make it an actual bit, right? 0.87

01:50:08.000 No shit, dude. 0.98

01:50:08.000 So that's what's weird about me, because I'll go on stage and people come up to me and go, dude, that bit sucks or whatever. 0.98

01:50:13.000 But I'm like, yeah, but this is like the second time I've ever said it, you know?

01:50:16.000 So... 0.95

01:50:17.000 Well, you know, the thing is, it's like there's no fucking rules about it or anything. 0.95

01:50:21.000 It just takes a long time. 0.94

01:50:22.000 I mean, it takes a long time.

01:50:23.000 Brian, you're more advanced than someone who's only been doing comedy for a year.

01:50:26.000 You know, you're doing pretty good right now.

01:50:27.000 Yeah.

01:50:28.000 You've also had the opportunity to do stand-up, take off for five years, and be around high-level stand-up comedy on a regular basis.

01:50:37.000 You're always at the improv.

01:50:38.000 You're always at Sal's.

01:50:40.000 You go on the road, you see Joey Crush and Ari Crush.

01:50:42.000 You see me do my sets.

01:50:44.000 All this comedy is in your head.

01:50:46.000 You get to see Bill Burr all the time whenever he's in town.

01:50:51.000 You see Louis C.K. You've seen Chappelle.

01:50:53.000 You've seen so many fucking comics, man. 0.99

01:50:55.000 Your exposure to high-level stand-up comedy is much deeper than the average open-miker. 1.00

01:51:03.000 Definitely, but it doesn't help me write anymore.

01:51:05.000 That's what I did yesterday.

01:51:07.000 Yesterday I was like, alright, I'm going to do no new, like this is all new jokes night, you know, yesterday. 0.96

01:51:14.000 And I was like, but fuck, I didn't write anything. 0.59

01:51:16.000 So I'm like looking through my notes going, okay, there was an idea, there's an idea. 0.99

01:51:18.000 I'm trying to make bits, but I didn't write any of this shit out. 0.92

01:51:21.000 So I went on stage, I pretty much had nothing. 0.88

01:51:23.000 You know, it's funny, like writing into me, or at least thinking of bits.

01:51:27.000 You can't go on stage balls out like that with nothing in your head.

01:51:31.000 You have to have some material first.

01:51:32.000 The only way you can do that is if you're Joey Diaz or if you're doing it a long time. 0.97

01:51:36.000 I'll go on stage sometimes and I'll fuck around and I don't know what I'm going to... 0.98

01:51:40.000 I came up with that bit about the birds. 0.99

01:51:43.000 There's birds that are falling from the sky and everyone's like, oh, it's a fucking apocalypse, man. 0.98

01:51:47.000 Look, the birds... 0.99

01:51:49.000 One thing that you don't consider is that birds are cunts, okay? 0.99

01:51:52.000 First of all, who cares about birds falling from the fucking sky? 1.00

01:51:55.000 Birds don't give a shit about you. 1.00

01:51:56.000 They're surviving dinosaurs. 0.99

01:51:58.000 And second of all, why do we think that it's apocalypse? 0.99

01:52:00.000 Maybe it's some one badass worm becomes a sorcerer and just decides to get back all these cunty birds that have been fucking with his family for generations. 0.99

01:52:09.000 You know, he's wearing a wizard's robe and he's just... 0.99

01:52:12.000 It's called winning.

01:52:13.000 Yeah.

01:52:14.000 So this bit, it's turned into a bit, and it came out out of nowhere.

01:52:19.000 Literally, I had no idea what I was going to say.

01:52:20.000 But I knew that if I had nothing there, I have another bit ready that is actually a bit.

01:52:26.000 And so because you have these little bridges that you know that you have, this bridge is built.

01:52:33.000 I'm going to go right into fire at the San Francisco Hotel.

01:52:35.000 Boom.

01:52:36.000 It's right there.

01:52:37.000 It's solid.

01:52:37.000 And so I know that I can take a chance.

01:52:39.000 Like, let's just swing off this vine and hope I can catch that bridge or catch a vine that I didn't know was there.

01:52:45.000 How cool is it when you start killing and you're improvising and you're in that bizarre wave where suddenly you're not doing any jokes and then...

01:52:55.000 Sometimes I've improvised and done well and then tried to go back into a joke, and it doesn't do as well because they were so used to that stuff that was coming in the moment.

01:53:06.000 That's a weird thing, man.

01:53:08.000 They can tell, too.

01:53:08.000 They feel it.

01:53:09.000 They sense it.

01:53:10.000 He's doing material now.

01:53:11.000 Also, they can tell that you're freeballing, too.

01:53:14.000 They can tell.

01:53:14.000 When Joey Diaz freeballs, sometimes I'll run up to him offstage.

01:53:17.000 I'll go, did you plan that one? 0.98

01:53:19.000 And they'll go, nah, I fucking came up with it right there. 1.00

01:53:21.000 He did a joke about his dick. 1.00

01:53:23.000 He was doing this thing about Viagra. 1.00

01:53:25.000 This is the Sunday night show in Brea. 1.00

01:53:26.000 He was doing a thing about, you never copped a dead dick. 1.00

01:53:29.000 You never copped a dead dick. 1.00

01:53:30.000 He goes, if your dick's dead, this is what you do. 1.00

01:53:32.000 You go out to the fucking refrigerator, you get those popsicle sticks, and you wrap that dick up like a fucking wounded soldier. 1.00

01:53:37.000 Send it back in. 1.00

01:53:38.000 He was talking about putting your dick in a splint with popsicle sticks. 1.00

01:53:42.000 And the way he was saying it, it was fucking... 1.00

01:53:44.000 It was so funny. 0.99

01:53:44.000 It was so... 0.99

01:53:45.000 There's a feeling of magic as he was saying this.

01:53:48.000 And he is killing before he says this.

01:53:50.000 So he goes into this, like, red-faced, like Joey Diaz, purple-faced, screaming, spits flying out. 1.00

01:53:57.000 You never copped a dead dick. 1.00

01:53:58.000 You send that dick in like a wounded soldier. 1.00

01:54:00.000 And me and Ari were fucking crying laughing. 1.00

01:54:03.000 And I couldn't wait for him to get off stage so I could ask him. 0.98

01:54:07.000 Was that off the top of your head?

01:54:08.000 That...

01:54:09.000 He said it came out of nowhere.

01:54:10.000 It just came out of nowhere.

01:54:11.000 Like, all of a sudden, it seemed like a bit.

01:54:13.000 Like, it was all there.

01:54:14.000 And it was because he was willing to swing.

01:54:17.000 Just take this chance and see where it brings you.

01:54:19.000 You know, to be able to do that, though, in front of several hundred people is rare.

01:54:23.000 Like, with you, your stage right now, you can't quite do that yet. 0.98

01:54:27.000 With your stage right now, what you've got to do is you've got to write things down and then fuck around with them. 0.99

01:54:31.000 Well, one of my biggest bits I did that, though, was the cum on your face. 0.99

01:54:34.000 That was made up on stage. 0.98

01:54:36.000 What bit is that?

01:54:37.000 The Pets.

01:54:38.000 Oh, well, yeah.

01:54:39.000 That was a line.

01:54:40.000 You came up with a line for an already existing bit.

01:54:43.000 No, no, no.

01:54:43.000 That whole bit was written on stage.

01:54:45.000 Really?

01:54:46.000 Yeah.

01:54:46.000 And it just came up on one day.

01:54:48.000 It was a Sunday show.

01:54:49.000 I mean, that's what I've been talking about.

01:54:50.000 I'll do that all the time where I'll think just like either on stage or right when I'm going to...

01:54:54.000 Like the other day I had this thing where...

01:54:55.000 You were talking about that before you ever did it on stage, Brian.

01:54:58.000 You talked about that a few times.

01:54:59.000 What?

01:55:00.000 Before you ever talked about the ex-girlfriends, how you have these pets from them and they all have the same personality.

01:55:05.000 Yeah, but I didn't, I mean, the first time I thought of that bit, I was seriously waiting for the comic in front of me to get off stage, and I'm just thinking, like, I've got to do something about my animals, because I feel like I'm a single mom right now.

01:55:17.000 And so I went on stage and said, hey, you know, I feel like a single mom.

01:55:20.000 Oh, so maybe when you talked to me about it, you had already done it on stage.

01:55:23.000 Maybe it's that.

01:55:24.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:55:24.000 I don't like when people do that.

01:55:26.000 When they pretend they're having a conversation with you and really they're trying out material.

01:55:30.000 That's just the worst.

01:55:31.000 What's worse is when it's very obvious.

01:55:33.000 Some people can actually get away with it because you're telling the joke and they think it's funny.

01:55:37.000 But some people, you can tell they're just doing bits.

01:55:40.000 There's a dude I used to play pool with and it was brutal.

01:55:42.000 He was a comic and he used to go, tell me if you think there's anything in this.

01:55:45.000 What?

01:55:46.000 No!

01:55:47.000 Oh, that's the worst.

01:55:48.000 And I dropped my head down.

01:55:49.000 He didn't have a whole lot of friends and he was like really into his comedy. 0.98

01:55:52.000 And he was one of those guys, he was a decent comic, but he wrote out every fucking joke as he would say it on stage. 0.97

01:55:57.000 So it never seemed like when he was on stage that he was really just up there fucking around. 0.97

01:56:02.000 It always seemed like, here's some material that I wrote today. 0.92

01:56:06.000 Yeah.

01:56:06.000 And so he like holds me hostage there while we're playing pool.

01:56:12.000 And while he...

01:56:13.000 He says out the whole joke, you know?

01:56:15.000 Like, literally, have you ever noticed?

01:56:17.000 Like, he gives me a have you ever noticed.

01:56:19.000 Oh, no. 1.00

01:56:20.000 I'm like, you motherfucker. 1.00

01:56:21.000 Did you just give me a have you ever noticed? 1.00

01:56:23.000 Have you ever noticed? 1.00

01:56:24.000 I notice a lot of shit, dude. 1.00

01:56:26.000 You want to talk about other shit I notice? 1.00

01:56:28.000 Man, that's the problem with comedy, man. 1.00

01:56:30.000 There's good comedy, but the shitty comedian is a pathetic figure, man. 1.00

01:56:36.000 It's just such a rough mode of being, man. 1.00

01:56:39.000 It's such a silly, embarrassing existence. 0.88

01:56:43.000 What's the idea that you command the attention of the crowd, your voice is amplified, there's a light spot put on you, and you are supposedly so entertaining and interesting that all you have to do is talk, and you're going to grab the attention of all these people in this room. 0.94

01:57:01.000 You're requesting this exorbitant amount of attention, and it's because you claim to have this skill, and this skill is you're going to elicit laughter, you're going to extract laughter from the audience.

01:57:11.000 Good luck.

01:57:13.000 What's really weird lately, I have been noticing, there's this whole breed of comic, open mic mostly, that does their whole act, but not once did you think, no, there's a joke there.

01:57:25.000 Meaning they're just talking, and they're forgetting that this is supposed to be funny almost.

01:57:31.000 They're almost saying a story, and when they're done with the story, they expect you to clap, but then you...

01:57:36.000 Nothing in it was even a joke.

01:57:38.000 Where it's like, is that their sense of humor is that bad?

01:57:41.000 Or they just don't get...

01:57:42.000 They're open micers.

01:57:43.000 You're dealing with open micers.

01:57:45.000 That's like saying, how come this guy who doesn't know how to throw a punch at all thinks he's going to be on The Ultimate Fighter?

01:57:52.000 They're not good. 0.99

01:57:53.000 They're incompetent. 0.95

01:57:54.000 It's so amazing that people could be that bad, though. 0.99

01:57:56.000 What's amazing is they could be that bad forever.

01:57:58.000 How many dudes have you ever seen at the comedy store that have been doing stand-up for 10 plus years doing open mics and they're still brutally bad?

01:58:04.000 It's so insane.

01:58:05.000 You should progress.

01:58:08.000 You're talented in the opposite way.

01:58:10.000 The fact that you haven't gotten better at all and you've been doing it for some people 15 years.

01:58:15.000 I don't think you can get better if you're not good at all.

01:58:20.000 I think, you know, there are some guys that get into comedy that truly don't understand what comedy is, and they see other people doing it and talking it, but they're so socially unaware that they don't know how they come off to other people.

01:58:31.000 And they probably don't have the tools, the psychological tools, the cognitive tools to really objectively assess their own personality.

01:58:39.000 So they're never going to be able to do it.

01:58:41.000 They literally are never going to be.

01:58:42.000 You have to have a certain amount of awareness.

01:58:44.000 In order to do stand-up.

01:58:46.000 And there's a lot of people that attempt it that just don't have that.

01:58:48.000 They don't have it.

01:58:49.000 And if you don't have it, man, something has to happen dramatic.

01:58:53.000 You've got to go to Mexico and do Ibogaine.

01:58:56.000 Ayahuasca, maybe.

01:58:57.000 Yeah, something like that.

01:58:58.000 Get your mind blown.

01:58:59.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:58:59.000 You'll be able to come back.

01:59:00.000 Yeah, you literally have to become a different person.

01:59:03.000 The person that you are is just, what you have is like, it's like, I want to race in the Formula One Grand Prix, but I have a Toyota Camry.

01:59:09.000 What do you think I should do? 1.00

01:59:11.000 Well, you're fucked. 1.00

01:59:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:59:13.000 These fucking cars go 250 miles an hour and they're three inches off the ground. 1.00

01:59:18.000 What are you going to do? 1.00

01:59:18.000 You're not going to do that. 1.00

01:59:20.000 You're not equipped for it.

01:59:21.000 You have to change your equipment.

01:59:22.000 You know?

01:59:23.000 That's it.

01:59:24.000 That's what it takes. 1.00

01:59:25.000 The snake must shed its goddamn skin from time to time. 1.00

01:59:29.000 This is the end. 1.00

01:59:29.000 Praise Jesus. 1.00

01:59:30.000 Praise the Lord.

01:59:32.000 My only friend.

01:59:34.000 The end.

01:59:35.000 Well, you're all slaves.

01:59:38.000 Dude, ride the snake. 0.99

01:59:40.000 Dude, you know, this is kind of like a weird off-topic idea that I've had, but I wanted to tell you about it because you were Catholic.

01:59:49.000 This whole thing is off-topic.

01:59:50.000 You can never say this is off topic in this podcast.

01:59:53.000 This is off the script that we've been rehearsing for the last few days.

01:59:55.000 Yes, I was raised Catholic, yeah.

01:59:57.000 And in religion, there's this idea of tithing, where you're supposed to get 10% of your income to the church.

02:00:05.000 So, dude, I've started thinking about that.

02:00:07.000 And I've started thinking, like, how fucking interesting would your life get if you decided to give 10% of your income, not to the church, but you decided to, like, give 10% of your income to do, like, really cool things for people randomly.

02:00:25.000 You know what I mean? 0.60

02:00:27.000 Right.

02:00:27.000 I see what you're saying.

02:00:27.000 You know what I'm saying?

02:00:28.000 Create your own sort of church offering.

02:00:30.000 Yeah, but it's not no church is involved or anything.

02:00:33.000 I know what you're saying. 0.99

02:00:33.000 Because, like, man, like, to go back to the idea of psychedelic states, things that induce psychedelic states, fucking. 0.99

02:00:41.000 Fucking helping someone randomly that doesn't expect you to. 0.99

02:00:45.000 Like, if you go out and you think, I'm going to go... 1.00

02:00:47.000 I'm not a big fan of giving money to people in front of 7-Eleven who are covered in sores.

02:00:52.000 I think that that's kind of like a way of killing somebody.

02:00:55.000 But if you go out and have some extra money and decide, I'm going to do something cool with this.

02:01:01.000 Or you just try to convert your financial energy into some positive thing that you randomly do for someone.

02:01:08.000 And you decide, I'm going to do this...

02:01:10.000 from two to four o'clock today.

02:01:12.000 Right.

02:01:13.000 That puts you in the weirdest, most psychedelic state.

02:01:16.000 And when you do some random good thing for somebody, dude, it blows people's minds.

02:01:21.000 Yeah.

02:01:21.000 Like they freak the fuck out.

02:01:23.000 Like the look on their face is like, what just happened to me? 0.81

02:01:27.000 Because everything is inverted in our society towards the self.

02:01:31.000 Everyone's always thinking about themselves.

02:01:34.000 Everyone's always fixating on themselves. 0.99

02:01:36.000 If for two hours you don't fixate on yourself long enough to go do some random fucking thing for somebody, dude, it's trippy. 0.51

02:01:44.000 I definitely think that putting energy in towards any sort of charitable notion, anything where you're helping people, it definitely is the right kind of energy to put out there in the world.

02:01:55.000 It definitely can induce a different state of mind, a different state of being.

02:01:59.000 But the charity thing, which is great.

02:02:02.000 I mean, anything's good.

02:02:03.000 But when, you know, you call in and you give money to somebody or you have some kind of fund that you put money into that helps something.

02:02:09.000 I'm talking about, like, physically.

02:02:11.000 Right.

02:02:11.000 I know what you're saying.

02:02:12.000 Oh, okay.

02:02:12.000 Yeah.

02:02:12.000 I mean, charitable.

02:02:14.000 I mean, like, going out and helping people.

02:02:15.000 I definitely agree. 0.99

02:02:16.000 I mean, how many of these fucking organizations keep getting busted? 0.99

02:02:19.000 Charitable organizations when you find out, like, the Wyclef Jean thing for Haiti. 0.99

02:02:23.000 And, you know, you find out they're all stealing money.

02:02:25.000 Yeah.

02:02:25.000 It's like, it's always, something like that is always going down.

02:02:29.000 Doing random cool things for people, it does, it gives you like, it definitely gives you some sort of a weird charge. 0.91

02:02:35.000 You know, when I gave away my isolation tank online, that was one of the coolest things that I ever did because I, I mean, it's a fucking $8,000 piece of equipment.

02:02:44.000 And some dude I don't even know. 0.92

02:02:45.000 And then bought salt.

02:02:47.000 Salt was like $1,200.

02:02:49.000 And then had it moved to his house.

02:02:50.000 You know, I had to pay for a moving company.

02:02:51.000 And then I had to pay for an installer to go install it in his house. 0.99

02:02:54.000 Meanwhile, the fucking guy doesn't even use it. 1.00

02:02:56.000 That bastard. 1.00

02:02:57.000 Yeah, man. 1.00

02:02:58.000 I want to ask him for it back.

02:02:59.000 I can give it to you.

02:03:00.000 Do you have a place that works out?

02:03:02.000 Oh, he has the best place ever now.

02:03:04.000 I got a perfect place for a tank.

02:03:05.000 You need to get one.

02:03:05.000 I want a float tank.

02:03:06.000 You gotta see his man cave.

02:03:07.000 Yeah, we need to get you a tank. 1.00

02:03:09.000 I got a fucking man cave. 0.99

02:03:10.000 I got a place right next to a shower where I could just... 1.00

02:03:13.000 I could just basically go right from the flotation tape into the shower. 0.99

02:03:17.000 The world needs Duncan Trussell to have a fucking isolation tank. 0.99

02:03:19.000 Please, God, hear my prayer. 0.99

02:03:22.000 Really, you need to make some money.

02:03:24.000 And a Verizon iPhone.

02:03:25.000 Yeah, you're with...

02:03:26.000 Well, you've got a couple different projects going on.

02:03:30.000 But when one of these hits, man, when you get your first fat check, we're going to get you...

02:03:34.000 If this guy won't give up the tank...

02:03:35.000 I don't think this guy wants to give up his tank.

02:03:36.000 He's going through a divorce now, though.

02:03:38.000 So he might have to move the tank.

02:03:40.000 He might not have the money to reset the tank up.

02:03:42.000 Right.

02:03:42.000 I'll store it for him.

02:03:43.000 I talked to him about it like a year after I sent it to him.

02:03:46.000 And he's like, yeah, I hardly ever use it. 1.00

02:03:47.000 I'm like, you fuck. 1.00

02:03:49.000 I'm like, god damn it, dude. 1.00

02:03:50.000 That's what happened to do it randomly. 0.98

02:03:52.000 Yeah, but I figured anybody that was...

02:03:54.000 And the guy was like a wannabe stand-up comedian.

02:03:56.000 He's like trying to be a comic.

02:03:58.000 It's like, Jesus Christ, dude. 0.98

02:04:00.000 I gave you a fucking doorway to the universe, and you don't open it and go through it every now and then? 0.98

02:04:03.000 I bet he's got his old checks in there. 1.00

02:04:05.000 I bet there's no water in it.

02:04:07.000 He just puts old boxes in it.

02:04:09.000 If I was thinking, I would have just built a shed.

02:04:11.000 I just built a shed for a washer and dryer.

02:04:13.000 You know how easy it would have been just to build a shed for that?

02:04:15.000 Would you have used it, though?

02:04:17.000 I've never been in one, so probably.

02:04:19.000 You think?

02:04:20.000 I've never been in one, so probably.

02:04:22.000 Yeah, but I've offered you to go to that Soothing Solutions.

02:04:24.000 You've never gone to that.

02:04:25.000 You want to go to that?

02:04:26.000 I've never made the call.

02:04:27.000 You want to do it?

02:04:29.000 I'll do it.

02:04:29.000 We'll set it up.

02:04:30.000 Okay, we'll set it up.

02:04:31.000 Or you can go to Float Lab.

02:04:32.000 That's the best place.

02:04:33.000 The Float Lab ones are on another level.

02:04:34.000 That guy, Craig...

02:04:35.000 If you're in a tank, go to FloatLab.com and look at what this guy's doing. 0.69

02:04:39.000 This guy's making these super fucking thick stainless steel insulated tanks. 0.50

02:04:44.000 They're the greatest... 0.97

02:04:45.000 The apple of flotation tanks. 1.00

02:04:47.000 Yeah, he's just a bad motherfucker. 1.00

02:04:49.000 He's like this crazy mad scientist dude. 1.00

02:04:51.000 He's like really into floating. 0.94

02:04:52.000 He's trying to invent some new screen where you can watch.

02:04:56.000 It's the lowest amount of light is coming through these LCD screens so you can watch documentaries inside the tank and you can learn from it somehow or another.

02:05:04.000 It helps you.

02:05:04.000 Seems like it defeats the purpose.

02:05:06.000 I think so.

02:05:07.000 I'm not into it at all.

02:05:08.000 Maybe there's a way to have information blasted into your brain.

02:05:12.000 What he's saying is that when you have an absence of sensory input, you can really absorb information at a much faster rate.

02:05:19.000 And it totally makes sense on paper because the whole idea...

02:05:22.000 I mean, look, it's very difficult to watch a movie if there's jackhammers going on behind you, distracting you.

02:05:28.000 If you had a float tank that had an interactive surface on the top of it, so that it can turn completely dark if you wanted to.

02:05:38.000 But if you want, you could light the entire fucking thing up with the universe, the Milky Way, the, I don't know, just blue sky or whatever. 0.60

02:05:47.000 Just fucking Sanskrit verses from all the great scriptures flying on there. 0.96

02:05:53.000 It'd be incredible. 0.99

02:05:54.000 Sanskrit verses.

02:05:56.000 Well, hopefully there'll be a translation.

02:05:58.000 How long would it take to learn Sanskrit?

02:06:02.000 Is that like a 10-year project? 0.98

02:06:03.000 I think it would take a long fucking time, but I don't know. 0.98

02:06:06.000 If anybody would be into that, I would think it would be you. 0.99

02:06:08.000 I'd love to.

02:06:09.000 Just because it's Sanskrit and Tibetan...

02:06:14.000 When I'm on mushrooms and I start, like, you close your eyes and you see those weird symbols.

02:06:19.000 I see Egyptian stuff.

02:06:20.000 See, that's the thing.

02:06:21.000 And I always wonder, these symbols you're seeing, I always think...

02:06:24.000 Mayan-looking things.

02:06:25.000 If I knew how to read this, would I be reading, like, some kind of message here?

02:06:30.000 Am I actually looking at some kind of...

02:06:33.000 You know what McKenna believes, actually?

02:06:35.000 What he thought was that when you do a psychedelic, what you're doing is you're taking part in the experience of everyone else who's also done that psychedelic.

02:06:44.000 That's why he described ketamine as such an odd psychedelic, because it seems like its database of users was very, very small.

02:06:52.000 So he said ketamine felt like an office building that was empty.

02:06:56.000 You'd go in there and it's just empty cubicles.

02:06:59.000 Like, where is everybody?

02:07:00.000 Whereas mushrooms, you're dealing with 10,000 years of obsessive daily use by millions of people all over the world.

02:07:08.000 And a lot of those being the Mayans.

02:07:10.000 I mean, the Mayans were heavily, heavily into mushrooms.

02:07:12.000 You know, when I was...

02:07:14.000 When I was in Chichen Itza and I went on a tour, the guy that took me on a guide was a really, really interesting guy.

02:07:20.000 He was a local university professor who also did guides, like did tours and shit like that.

02:07:26.000 It was just really deep into the history of it.

02:07:29.000 And he just openly talked about the psychedelics, like how they would take psychedelics.

02:07:33.000 And they had all different rooms that they would practice different rituals in.

02:07:36.000 And it's well known that there was a deep, deep history in Mexico of psychedelic mushroom use.

02:07:40.000 So it's not surprising that when you do mushrooms, and especially if you do mushrooms that you buy in California, you know, I mean, you're probably getting the same strains that the Mayans got.

02:07:50.000 I mean, you're probably getting those Mexican mushrooms.

02:07:53.000 And you see all sorts of weird Mayan symbols.

02:07:56.000 It's almost like what you're doing is you're somehow or another tapping into their, the past people's psychedelic experiences.

02:08:02.000 Obviously, this is all just...

02:08:04.000 We're all going to go eat shrooms.

02:08:06.000 Me, us three.

02:08:07.000 We should do it. 1.00

02:08:07.000 We should just go fucking on the beach somewhere. 1.00

02:08:09.000 As long as they don't have psilocybin in them. 0.99

02:08:11.000 I love to eat mushrooms with you guys.

02:08:13.000 Psilocybin?

02:08:14.000 What do you mean?

02:08:15.000 That's what makes you trip.

02:08:16.000 As long as they don't have psilocybin in them?

02:08:18.000 I don't want to announce eating mushrooms to 500 billion people, of which by now at least 3,000 are police officers intently listening with a notepad.

02:08:28.000 They just said they're going to the beach! 0.98

02:08:30.000 It's just as ridiculous that mushrooms are illegal as Monsanto trying to patent a pig. 1.00

02:08:36.000 It's just as ridiculous. 1.00

02:08:37.000 How the fuck is one person going to tell you that some spore, a fucking plant, a living organism, by the way, which is actually closer to a human than plants are to humans. 1.00

02:08:48.000 Spores are closer to us. 1.00

02:08:50.000 Well, because they eat organic matter.

02:08:52.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:08:53.000 But dude, how fucking crazy. 0.98

02:08:55.000 It's not just that someone feels okay enforcing the law. 0.99

02:08:59.000 If you eat those fucking things that make you see some kind of weird transcendental language that the Mayans were trying to copy down, that's what I think. 0.98

02:09:07.000 I think they were seeing a language and they're like, alright, this is the best way we can replicate this weird language that we were seeing. 0.99

02:09:13.000 I think that's what happens.

02:09:14.000 It could be, yeah.

02:09:15.000 But to think that something that produces that effect... 1.00

02:09:19.000 There are people right now in federal fucking penitentiaries right now laying in a cot in a federal penitentiary listening to fucking white Aryan resistance murderers jerking off just because you wanted to fucking see the mothership for a second. 1.00

02:09:36.000 You're three doors down from a guy who fisted a six-year-old. 1.00

02:09:42.000 I know.

02:09:43.000 How is that possible?

02:09:44.000 I know.

02:09:45.000 Well, actually, you know, nonviolent drug offenders don't get locked up in the same place as people that fist six-year-olds.

02:09:49.000 But I know what you're saying.

02:09:50.000 Oh, really?

02:09:50.000 Just the fact that they're in a cage at all.

02:09:52.000 I mean, maybe you do once you get in there and they, you know, one of the fucking Hispanic guys wants to fight with you and you stab them in the neck and, you know, you wind up getting a murder rap on top of it. 0.99

02:10:01.000 Sure. 1.00

02:10:01.000 Which happens. 1.00

02:10:02.000 Sure.

02:10:02.000 It happens to nonviolent drug offenders.

02:10:03.000 They wind up getting, you know, much deeper penalties for something they do while they're actually in prison. 0.99

02:10:08.000 Dude, my friend got a DUI, went to fucking county jail. 0.98

02:10:12.000 His jaw was broken within six minutes. 0.99

02:10:15.000 It was like a Saturday night and there were gangbangers there. 0.81

02:10:17.000 He had to take a piss.

02:10:18.000 They wouldn't let him get to the toilet.

02:10:20.000 He's like, I've got a piss.

02:10:22.000 And they just were like, what'd you say?

02:10:24.000 What?

02:10:25.000 Boom! 1.00

02:10:26.000 Broke his fucking jaw. 1.00

02:10:28.000 For what? 1.00

02:10:29.000 Because he fucking drove from a club after one extra beer? 1.00

02:10:34.000 That's insane. 1.00

02:10:35.000 Fuck that. 1.00

02:10:35.000 You shouldn't be lumped up in the same group of people. 1.00

02:10:37.000 But, you know, then again, what if your friend slammed into a fucking car and killed someone's kid? 1.00

02:10:41.000 Well, yeah. 1.00

02:10:42.000 I mean, obviously, you don't know how drunk he was, and I'm just guessing, but it's the same thing.

02:10:46.000 You know, yeah, I understand.

02:10:47.000 You shouldn't drive drunk, and God knows.

02:10:49.000 Like, I'm not saying drive drunk.

02:10:50.000 Well, he won't do that again, right?

02:10:51.000 I'm just saying that's not the...

02:10:52.000 Yeah, well, I don't know. 0.99

02:10:53.000 Well, did you get raped? 1.00

02:10:54.000 Well, you shouldn't have had that beer. 1.00

02:10:56.000 Yeah, that's what you get.

02:10:57.000 I guess that's what you get. 1.00

02:10:59.000 It's so fucked up, man. 1.00

02:11:01.000 Well, I definitely think that people should be penalized for putting other people in danger because they're drunk and irresponsible. 0.99

02:11:07.000 But when it comes to things like mushrooms, when it comes to psychedelic experiences and the idea that you can make any sort of plant that grows here or fungus that grows here naturally, it's a part of the ecosystem already, way before we invented it. 0.99

02:11:20.000 This is fucking completely ridiculous. 0.95

02:11:22.000 Especially when you look at all the stuff that is legal and all the stuff that can kill you and all the stuff that you could buy at any store. 1.00

02:11:28.000 It's completely silly. 0.91

02:11:30.000 There's no logic behind it. 0.96

02:11:32.000 It's not like this is a rational decision.

02:11:34.000 You're obviously deciding what I can and can't do.

02:11:37.000 You're deciding what kind of experiences I have.

02:11:39.000 And there's no science behind it.

02:11:41.000 This is not 1950. You can't pull some McCarthyism bullshit on me. 0.99

02:11:45.000 I can get online and I can say, well look, no one's died from psilocybin. 0.99

02:11:48.000 How come psilocybin's illegal?

02:11:49.000 Well look, Here I can show you a thousand different people that'll tell you that they've got over post-traumatic stress disorder, they've gotten over addictions, they've gotten over all these things because of psychedelic experiences.

02:12:00.000 And you're telling me that it's illegal.

02:12:02.000 You're telling me that it's bad.

02:12:03.000 Why is it bad?

02:12:05.000 Here's the deal with anything. 0.99

02:12:07.000 Whenever there's something that people can benefit from and people have all these stories about and there's an area to explore and someone's keeping you from doing that and trying to lock you in jail if you do do that, they're the fucking criminals. 1.00

02:12:26.000 They're the monsters. 1.00

02:12:27.000 They are the fucking criminals of the human race. 1.00

02:12:30.000 You are putting a crime on people. 1.00

02:12:34.000 You are literally stopping people from evolving. 1.00

02:12:38.000 Those are the fucking demons, man. 1.00

02:12:39.000 Stop doing it, Duncan. 1.00

02:12:41.000 I like to put people in jail.

02:12:43.000 Duncan's all about constricting.

02:12:46.000 I love it.

02:12:47.000 There's nothing I love more than having a mushroom addict in the back of my squad car.

02:12:50.000 We're going to have to explore ball gags and whips someday with you. 1.00

02:12:53.000 Oh yeah, diapers.

02:12:55.000 I remember when the...

02:12:56.000 Diapers.

02:12:57.000 Do you remember coming up and saying that to me?

02:12:59.000 That's hilarious.

02:13:01.000 Ball gags, dog.

02:13:02.000 Alright, just kidding.

02:13:02.000 I won't say it.

02:13:03.000 Hey, we talked to Steve-O today, and he's completely sober now.

02:13:07.000 He stopped smoking cigarettes, stopped drinking.

02:13:10.000 He said he was doing so much drugs the last couple years of his life, there was people walking around his house that didn't exist.

02:13:16.000 That's how bad it got.

02:13:17.000 But now he just quit everything and now is vegan. 0.99

02:13:20.000 Isn't that crazy to you to think that somebody that gets in a toilet with shit is so concerned about his health that he's eating vegan and not on anything? 1.00

02:13:28.000 Well, yes, he's probably realizing how silly his life was. 1.00

02:13:31.000 And it's like, you know, putting himself back in line.

02:13:33.000 It's like, well, what's the logical step to put yourself as far in line as you can and go vegetarian and vegan?

02:13:39.000 There's a guy named John Fitch that fought in this last UFC and he went he had a vegan diet.

02:13:43.000 I thought it was really interesting.

02:13:44.000 I wanted to see how he did.

02:13:45.000 He wound up winning.

02:13:46.000 He beat BJ Penn.

02:13:47.000 It was sort of.

02:13:48.000 No, I'm sorry.

02:13:48.000 Sorry, he didn't beat BJ Penn.

02:13:49.000 No, a draw.

02:13:50.000 It was a draw, but he won the final round.

02:13:51.000 His cardio was really good.

02:13:53.000 It was really solid.

02:13:54.000 He was talking about his cardio.

02:13:55.000 It was off the charts now.

02:13:56.000 Does draw mean refight?

02:13:59.000 They just have to refight?

02:13:59.000 I don't know.

02:14:00.000 They have to decide now. 0.99

02:14:02.000 They have to figure out what the fuck to do. 0.99

02:14:04.000 Because this was for the number one contender spot. 0.97

02:14:07.000 And Fitch is still pushing.

02:14:08.000 After the post-fight interview, his coach was like, ask for a title shot.

02:14:12.000 And I'm like, well, you can't ask for a title shot after you get off of a draw.

02:14:15.000 It's just like too tough to sell.

02:14:16.000 What did you think was going on with that fight?

02:14:18.000 Who did you think?

02:14:19.000 A draw could be expected.

02:14:21.000 It depends on how you score the third round.

02:14:23.000 The third round was a pretty decisive victory for Fitch.

02:14:26.000 Some people thought that was a 10-8 round.

02:14:27.000 You know, I'm not really...

02:14:29.000 It depends on how you use 10-8 rounds.

02:14:31.000 Because the 10-8 round, the system that they use now, I think it's like they don't give out enough 10-8 rounds.

02:14:36.000 But you have to decide when is it a 10-8 round.

02:14:38.000 When you're inside a guy's guard and you just punch him to the body and to the head, I'm not sure if that's a 10-8 round.

02:14:43.000 I could see it argued.

02:14:43.000 But those were very close, too.

02:14:47.000 I could see it argued.

02:14:48.000 Fitch did, too.

02:14:50.000 Fitch won one of them.

02:14:51.000 Because, you know, BJ got his back.

02:14:53.000 BJ took him down.

02:14:54.000 BJ got his back.

02:14:55.000 But then he lost position and Fitch got on top of him.

02:14:57.000 So the question is, what's worth more?

02:15:00.000 Is it worth more to take a guy down and to get a dominant position where you're close to finishing a fight but then losing it and getting reversed and wind up being your guard with the guy on top of you throwing punches?

02:15:10.000 Is that better or is it better to take the guy's back?

02:15:13.000 What's worth more on points?

02:15:14.000 Well, that's a subjective thing, so it's tricky.

02:15:16.000 I could see the first two rounds score for BJ, and I could see someone scoring one of them for Fitch, and I could also see the third round being 10-8.

02:15:25.000 So I could see a draw.

02:15:27.000 We were split, too, when we were watching it.

02:15:29.000 It's tricky, man.

02:15:30.000 It's tricky. 0.99

02:15:31.000 I mean, BJ's a bad motherfucker, but he's small for that weight class. 0.99

02:15:34.000 When he's fighting, he's weighing 166 with his pants on, and he's fighting Fitch. 0.99

02:15:39.000 But this is the thing about Fitch, the reason why I brought this up.

02:15:41.000 He was, at one point in time, like 200 pounds, and he would cut down to 170. But now he's all organic and vegan, and he's wearing around 180, which is really light for him, and then dropping a little weight.

02:15:51.000 But his cardio is way better now, too.

02:15:53.000 I've entertained trying a serious vegan diet for a while.

02:15:57.000 Me too. 0.86

02:15:57.000 But I heard Travis Barker, after he crashed in that plane and he had to get skin grafts and shit like that, they didn't take until he started eating meat. 0.86

02:16:06.000 And he stopped being a vegan in his recovery from that. 0.53

02:16:09.000 He was a vegan before that, and then when he started eating red meat, then all of a sudden his healing went through the roof. 0.95

02:16:16.000 Whenever I eat vegan food at a vegan restaurant, I fucking love it. 0.99

02:16:21.000 Oh, swingers. 0.98

02:16:22.000 I think if I could make this myself, I wouldn't care about it.

02:16:26.000 Well, you could make it yourself easily. 1.00

02:16:27.000 It's a pain in the ass. 1.00

02:16:28.000 Yeah, but it seems like it's a pain in the ass. 1.00

02:16:29.000 I could be wrong. 1.00

02:16:30.000 With our friend, when I dated her, it was like having to go to certain restaurants, having to do all this bullshit. 0.99

02:16:37.000 She's not even a vegan anymore now. 0.99

02:16:38.000 She gave up?

02:16:39.000 Yeah, she eats vegan here and there, but she's... 0.99

02:16:41.000 But isn't meat just fucking filled with hormones right now? 0.97

02:16:44.000 Well, just get... 0.99

02:16:45.000 Some meat is.

02:16:46.000 Yeah.

02:16:46.000 Yeah, it depends on where you're getting it.

02:16:48.000 Free-range.

02:16:48.000 You want free-range organic meat.

02:16:50.000 And you want grass-fed, too.

02:16:51.000 I prefer the taste of grass-fed.

02:16:53.000 There's a discussion that Ari and I actually had on the podcast on a plane, the difference between grass-fed and grain-fed beef.

02:16:59.000 Beef is not natural for them to be eating grain.

02:17:02.000 They're not supposed to eat corn. 0.99

02:17:03.000 We give them corn because it makes them fat as fuck, which makes the meat so delicious and tender when you cook it because there's all this fat... 0.99

02:17:10.000 Bubbling up inside of it and melting and it just gets awesome like a big fat fucking grain fed steak. 1.00

02:17:16.000 It just melts in your mouth. 0.98

02:17:18.000 But the reality is they're supposed to be eating grass and when you taste grass fed beef it has a distinctly different flavor.

02:17:24.000 I prefer it.

02:17:26.000 But I like game.

02:17:27.000 I like venison and elk.

02:17:30.000 I like eating those meats. 1.00

02:17:31.000 I have my theories about that shit. 1.00

02:17:33.000 I feel like anything that's tough to catch is easy. 0.99

02:17:36.000 Or tough to catch, rather, is really good for you.

02:17:38.000 And things that are easy to catch, like cows. 1.00

02:17:40.000 You can just walk right up to a cow and shoot them in the fucking head. 1.00

02:17:42.000 They're stupid. 1.00

02:17:44.000 You'll shoot a cow in the head and a cow right next to him will be like... 1.00

02:17:47.000 He doesn't even freak out and go, holy fuck! 1.00

02:17:49.000 But you try to shoot a pig, pigs will run from you, man. 1.00

02:17:53.000 And wild pigs, like wild boar, very good for you. 1.00

02:17:56.000 Cows are fucking sweet creatures. 1.00

02:17:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:17:59.000 Well, they're cows.

02:18:00.000 They're sweet.

02:18:01.000 They're cattle.

02:18:02.000 I mean, the idea of cattle being at our mercy.

02:18:06.000 No, they're like in India how they worship cows. 0.99

02:18:10.000 So in India, in the streets, there are these cows that have just been being petted by people like dogs.

02:18:17.000 Right. 1.00

02:18:17.000 They are fucking sweet. 1.00

02:18:19.000 Don't you think, though, that that docile behavior has been engineered through years of breeding for them to be, you know, farm animals, for them to be used, to be killed? 0.99

02:18:29.000 It's an unnatural thing for people to just walk right up to an animal and be able to pet it. 0.99

02:18:32.000 People are creepy fucks, you know? 0.99

02:18:34.000 I mean, you have to engineer an animal to be that docile. 1.00

02:18:38.000 Yeah, oh yeah, it comes from a long relationship with humans, for sure.

02:18:41.000 Sure. 0.97

02:18:42.000 Yeah, wild cows and shit like that, they don't have that sort of... 0.99

02:18:45.000 Are there wild cows? 1.00

02:18:47.000 What the fuck am I talking about? 0.99

02:18:47.000 Sure, there is. 0.99

02:18:48.000 There must have been at some point in time.

02:18:49.000 It must have been wild, right?

02:18:50.000 Sure, sure, there still is.

02:18:51.000 Well, cows are so valuable, very few of them are wild, right?

02:18:54.000 No, no.

02:18:54.000 Cows aren't valuable, are they?

02:18:56.000 Like, is there like...

02:18:57.000 Wait...

02:18:57.000 Cows are very valuable.

02:18:58.000 Really?

02:18:59.000 They're worth a lot of money, sure.

02:18:59.000 Cows are worth a lot of money.

02:19:00.000 Of course, man.

02:19:01.000 Steak is expensive.

02:19:02.000 I would think that cows are a dime a dozen. 1.00

02:19:03.000 How much would it cost to buy a cow?

02:19:05.000 That's a good question.

02:19:06.000 I think...

02:19:07.000 Look it up, man.

02:19:08.000 I would love to do that, man.

02:19:09.000 I would love to have my own farm someday and just have animals that, you know, you know what they're feeding, you know what you're feeding them rather.

02:19:15.000 Yeah.

02:19:15.000 If you're going to eat them, you know how they're treated, you know that it's all humane.

02:19:19.000 Dude, I think about my dream idea of that, which is like this crazy place out in the woods with solar panels where the majority of your electricity or all of it is coming from the sun and you're feeding yourself from this place.

02:19:35.000 That's feasible here.

02:19:36.000 Yeah, it's feasible, but it's so much work to run a farm.

02:19:41.000 It's insane.

02:19:42.000 It's not like either you have people working for you and doing it, or if you're involved in it, you just work all day and sleep, and you wake up and work all day and sleep.

02:19:53.000 Yeah, but you can be self-sustaining, which is very rewarding for a lot of people.

02:19:57.000 The idea that you grow all your own food, you grow all your own vegetables, and you grow all your own animals as well.

02:20:02.000 But yeah, you can hire a few people to run.

02:20:04.000 I mean, if you just wanted a farm only for your family's sustenance, that's kind of an interesting theory, an interesting sort of concept.

02:20:12.000 Set up a farm where all the vegetables that you grow are vegetables that you eat, and then I guess, you know, in the wintertime you can them or something or you have a greenhouse or something.

02:20:21.000 You can them.

02:20:21.000 Looks like cows are about a thousand bucks.

02:20:23.000 Thousand bucks for a cow. 0.99

02:20:25.000 That's a bargain.

02:20:26.000 Think about all the meat on that thing.

02:20:27.000 So you can either buy two cows or buy the new MacBook. 1.00

02:20:30.000 Oh, fucking new MacBook all the way. 1.00

02:20:32.000 You guys... 1.00

02:20:33.000 Well, let's end on this, because you guys are fucking goofy Mac heads, as am I. iPad 2 in two days. 0.99

02:20:39.000 What is the new... 0.99

02:20:40.000 What is the deal with these MacBooks that you guys keep ranting about? 0.95

02:20:42.000 They just look fucking amazing. 0.97

02:20:43.000 They look amazing? 0.98

02:20:44.000 Well, the biggest thing is the new technology, the Thunderbolt technology, which is like...

02:20:47.000 Thunderbolt, bro!

02:20:48.000 ...10 gigabytes per second.

02:20:50.000 That's what they call it, Thunderbolt?

02:20:51.000 Yeah.

02:20:51.000 There's a phone called the Thunderbolt, too, that's out now.

02:20:53.000 Yeah.

02:20:54.000 Who copied off who?

02:20:56.000 It's 10 gigabytes per second.

02:20:57.000 So what that means is live.

02:20:59.000 You're pretty much going to be able to hook up an external hard drive and edit HD video easily and run multiple streams.

02:21:06.000 It's going to help video editing and transferring files.

02:21:09.000 Nowadays, when you want to back up your computer, 10 gigabytes a second?

02:21:13.000 Come on.

02:21:13.000 That's insane.

02:21:15.000 And it has HD video cameras now.

02:21:18.000 Also, a bigger solid state drive.

02:21:19.000 You can get up to, what was it?

02:21:22.000 Everybody's going to think you got sponsored by Mac.

02:21:25.000 You think so?

02:21:25.000 We already do.

02:21:26.000 We use laptops that have the big Apple logo on it.

02:21:29.000 It was like one of the people that tried to sponsor us who was asking, like, does Apple pay you?

02:21:34.000 You guys have Apple out there.

02:21:35.000 I wish.

02:21:35.000 Apple, please sponsor us.

02:21:36.000 But it was like...

02:21:37.000 Quad cores.

02:21:38.000 That's 50 times faster than the last bit of MacBooks.

02:21:42.000 50 times?

02:21:43.000 Yeah, some of the early benchmarks are showing anywhere from the 13-inch model being about 12% faster to up to 53% faster.

02:21:51.000 Oh, okay, that's not 50 times.

02:21:54.000 No, no, I'm sorry, 50%.

02:21:55.000 50%.

02:21:56.000 50%, sorry.

02:21:57.000 Yeah, Jesus Christ.

02:21:58.000 Quad core, you know, double core, quad core.

02:22:00.000 That's pretty interesting.

02:22:02.000 So that would be what you would need if you were doing video rendering and shit like that. 0.99

02:22:05.000 But for most people, what the fuck? 0.95

02:22:07.000 It's just a matter of transferring things. 0.99

02:22:09.000 Well, even, I mean, have you noticed even, I don't know on your laptop, but I know on this one, like fucking YouTube or YouTube videos or any kind of HD video still is struggling.

02:22:17.000 Even though this is a pretty fast laptop, it still struggles.

02:22:20.000 It's the graphics card. 0.99

02:22:22.000 It's mostly the graphics card and just the fucking shitty flash and the video card. 0.98

02:22:27.000 Then these new ones have video cards up to one gigabyte now, which is crazy. 0.97

02:22:31.000 And they switched from NVIDIA, which has been having a lot of problems with the MacBooks lately, with overheating and problems with them.

02:22:38.000 Now they switched back to AMD or whatever.

02:22:41.000 See, this is interesting to me.

02:22:42.000 It's exciting, but not that exciting. 0.99

02:22:44.000 I need some new shit. 1.00

02:22:46.000 I need some next level shit. 1.00

02:22:48.000 Right. 0.98

02:22:48.000 Just transferring gigabytes real quick. 0.98

02:22:50.000 That's all good and everything like that. 0.99

02:22:51.000 But what is the next thing that a fucking computer is going to do that's really going to blow you away? 0.98

02:22:55.000 It's not going to be that. 0.99

02:22:56.000 I think if we're going more towards tablet, more towards projection.

02:22:59.000 Quantum computing. 1.00

02:23:00.000 No, it's that fucking computer that just beat people at Jeopardy. 1.00

02:23:04.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:23:05.000 No, seriously.

02:23:06.000 It used to be a computer that could play chess and beat people was a big deal.

02:23:12.000 Now everyone has a computer that can beat you at chess.

02:23:15.000 Eventually, the next thing you're talking about is interactive surfaces where you tell it exactly what you want.

02:23:21.000 Well, I'm actually more excited about this iPad 2 announcement March 2nd, which is supposedly going to have cameras in the front and back.

02:23:28.000 So that's going to change the whole thing with being able to do FaceTime and watching Ustream.

02:23:32.000 Now you're going to be able to Ustream from your iPad.

02:23:34.000 This is what's really trippy.

02:23:36.000 Quantum computing. 0.99

02:23:37.000 That's the really weird shit. 0.99

02:23:39.000 Because, first of all, try to wrap your head around what a quantum computer really is. 0.99

02:23:44.000 You have to really kind of understand what the idea behind quantum mechanics and what it basically is.

02:23:49.000 This is how it's listed in Wikipedia.

02:23:51.000 A device for computation that makes direct use of quantum mechanical phenomena such as superposition and entanglement.

02:23:58.000 And if you don't know what that means, superposition means that an object can be both moving and still. 0.93

02:24:03.000 I mean, when you get into the idea of quantum mechanics, you get into, like, that's weird voodoo shit. 1.00

02:24:11.000 Subatomic particles that blink in and out of existence, and the idea of it being able to be affected by the user.

02:24:16.000 I mean, those are all quantum mechanical ideas. 0.99

02:24:18.000 Talk about quantum entanglement, because that really is voodoo shit. 1.00

02:24:22.000 And that's a computer. 0.99

02:24:23.000 Quantum entanglement...

02:24:26.000 As I understand it, is the idea that if you take two particles and put them together and then move them apart, they still are somehow connected, and you can transfer information down that line.

02:24:37.000 It's one of those things when I talk about it, I say what I've heard said, but I don't know what it means.

02:24:43.000 I'm talking about superpositions, and I'm talking about entanglement, and I'm saying all those things.

02:24:49.000 All I'm doing is making the right noises with my mouth. 0.98

02:24:52.000 My brain barely makes the connection to what the fuck that truly means. 0.96

02:24:57.000 My connection is just this rudimentary thing where I think of like two round things that have what appear to be a really long hair attaching them or something. 0.95

02:25:05.000 Like the idea that things just kind of like...

02:25:09.000 Have some invisible or tiny relationship that just stretches apart.

02:25:14.000 But the reason I say that's voodoo or witchcraft is because it's like Rosemary's baby. 0.98

02:25:20.000 Remember the guy called and he was missing his glove?

02:25:23.000 Like one of the things witches are always trying to do is... 1.00

02:25:26.000 Steal a little piece of you.

02:25:26.000 Get your hair.

02:25:27.000 And if quantum entanglement's true, then that would mean that there's some connection between you and the thing that came from you that they could start shooting bad energy down that line.

02:25:36.000 Whoa! 0.99

02:25:37.000 Holy shit. 1.00

02:25:39.000 Yeah, it's fucking crazy. 1.00

02:25:39.000 So all that stuff's kind of real. 1.00

02:25:41.000 They just didn't have the words for it.

02:25:43.000 Well, I always thought about alchemy, like the idea of alchemy.

02:25:46.000 When people are trying to make gold out of lead and using magic and all sorts of different things.

02:25:53.000 What's that?

02:25:55.000 If we really do break down things as far as their elemental structure, is it possible to turn lead into gold someday?

02:26:04.000 Is someone going to be able to adjust what the molecules that differentiate between gold and lead and platinum and silver?

02:26:11.000 Is that possible?

02:26:12.000 Absolutely.

02:26:13.000 They can do it with diamonds.

02:26:14.000 I mean, they're like the 3D printers, Jeff.

02:26:15.000 Sort of, but diamonds, that's like you're smashing something with intense pressure and creating a new thing with it.

02:26:21.000 But you're not turning something into something that's not.

02:26:24.000 It's like a natural sort of metamorphosis, right?

02:26:28.000 Doesn't that make sense?

02:26:29.000 Yeah, well...

02:26:30.000 Because we know what the chain reaction that causes diamonds, or the chemical reaction, the pressure and carbon and millions of years or... 0.98

02:26:38.000 Some crazy fucking thing that the Russians invent that makes diamonds out of nothing. 1.00

02:26:42.000 Well, have you ever heard the idea that alchemy was a code for a secret society that was trying to teach people to become enlightened through science? 0.99

02:26:52.000 Really?

02:26:53.000 Yeah, lead into gold.

02:26:54.000 The idea of the transmutation of lead into gold.

02:26:57.000 Even though it was a focus of alchemy, there was a deeper level, which was the idea that they're talking about the transformation of the human consciousness from going to...

02:27:08.000 A useless, empty, robotic state to a fully realized state.

02:27:13.000 And once you go to that state, you don't care if something's gold.

02:27:18.000 The material universe doesn't mean anything anymore.

02:27:21.000 I'd never heard that before.

02:27:22.000 I'd always heard it just described as someone trying to manipulate one form of matter to turn it into something more valuable. 0.96

02:27:28.000 There's a great movie by this guy, and it's fucking trippy, dude. 0.81

02:27:31.000 You know who Jodorowsky is? 0.92

02:27:32.000 You ever heard of him?

02:27:33.000 No.

02:27:33.000 How do you say his name?

02:27:34.000 Jodorowsky?

02:27:35.000 Joe Jodorowsky.

02:27:36.000 Oh, dude.

02:27:36.000 J-O. I'm going to spell it wrong.

02:27:38.000 That's his last name.

02:27:39.000 Joe Jodorowsky.

02:27:40.000 His last name?

02:27:41.000 Joe Jodorowsky.

02:27:42.000 Alejandro Jodorowsky.

02:27:44.000 And there's a movie that he made called The Holy Mountain.

02:27:48.000 Alejandro Jodorowsky.

02:27:49.000 Yeah, look up Alejandro Jodorowsky.

02:27:50.000 It's actually W-S-K-Y. J-O-D-O-R-O-W-S-K-Y. I think John Lennon paid for the movie, The Holy Mountain.

02:28:03.000 But like, check it out.

02:28:05.000 It was like at the time he had this teacher who was telling him, well, while you're making this movie, just take as much LSD as you can.

02:28:14.000 Always sound advice.

02:28:15.000 Check it out.

02:28:16.000 It's on YouTube. 0.97

02:28:17.000 Why don't you have a part of your website that has all these movies you recommend and all this shit? 0.99

02:28:21.000 Because you always bring out this crazy shit out of nowhere. 0.99

02:28:24.000 You should totally have that. 0.99

02:28:25.000 I should have a little listing or something.

02:28:27.000 You really should.

02:28:28.000 Throw it on your Amazon marketplace.

02:28:31.000 You need to be more active with your web presence, fella.

02:28:34.000 Well, I mean, I got the podcast and I tweet.

02:28:37.000 Yeah, but your website, you know?

02:28:40.000 I used to do a lot more work on it now until I've been working on this book.

02:28:44.000 I haven't been really writing it this much.

02:28:46.000 I gotta update it, man.

02:28:47.000 I do.

02:28:47.000 I love your website, by the way.

02:28:48.000 I put it on a couple computers at Apple the other day.

02:28:51.000 Ah, thanks.

02:28:51.000 Homepaged it.

02:28:52.000 Is it Artistic Terrorism?

02:28:54.000 No, it's DuncanTrustle.com.

02:28:56.000 You used to have the other one. 0.99

02:28:57.000 Artistic terrorism got yanked by me from some fucking Russian punks. 1.00

02:29:01.000 What? 1.00

02:29:01.000 I didn't renew it. 1.00

02:29:03.000 Oh.

02:29:04.000 And then the next thing I knew, I went to artistic terrorism.

02:29:06.000 It's like some Russian site.

02:29:08.000 You can't get it back?

02:29:09.000 No.

02:29:09.000 See you later.

02:29:10.000 It's gone.

02:29:10.000 Really?

02:29:11.000 Is that how it works?

02:29:12.000 It's pretty easy for that to happen.

02:29:14.000 That happens all the time.

02:29:16.000 A lot of people think it's their hosting.

02:29:18.000 That sounds like a name the guy who drowned himself in the bathtub would come up with.

02:29:23.000 Artistic terrorism.

02:29:24.000 That was just a long time ago. 1.00

02:29:26.000 Fuck that name. 1.00

02:29:27.000 Do you remember when you worked at the Comedy Store and I used to call you up and we'd have long ass fucking crazy conversations while you were working there? 1.00

02:29:34.000 Yeah, that's how we got to be friends. 0.75

02:29:36.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:29:37.000 Well, I used to know Duncan from Duncan hanging out there and then Duncan started working for the store and I would call up and Duncan and I would have long fucking bizarre conversations that would last for hours while you were working.

02:29:50.000 Pretty much this would happen over the phone.

02:29:53.000 And Duncan, here's proof that Duncan practices what he preaches.

02:29:57.000 When he was working at the Comedy Store, that's when the Pauly Shore reality show came around.

02:30:02.000 Oh, yeah.

02:30:02.000 And everybody else went along with it.

02:30:04.000 And Duncan's like, you know what?

02:30:05.000 I don't want to be a part of this.

02:30:07.000 And you quit.

02:30:08.000 I quit.

02:30:08.000 Yeah, you didn't have an option.

02:30:09.000 I didn't want to be on that show.

02:30:11.000 Well, man, what started happening is like, it seemed like, you know, he was talking about trying to make a show happen.

02:30:19.000 And then the show started happening for real and all of a sudden I couldn't sleep at night and I was grinding my teeth because of the idea of having to be on this reality show. 0.69

02:30:30.000 And I would wake up and my teeth would be grinding and I'd be like, oh, and this fucking feeling in the pit of my stomach like, oh no, this is it? 0.88

02:30:40.000 This is how you're going to... 0.99

02:30:41.000 Because I didn't know at the time I was like, fuck, what if the show takes off? 0.99

02:30:44.000 What if you're the fucking guy who works with Polly at the comedy store? 1.00

02:30:50.000 You're not a comedian. 1.00

02:30:51.000 You're just a guy behind a desk answering the phone from Mitzi.

02:30:54.000 It was just like the most humiliating.

02:30:56.000 It would have been the worst thing ever.

02:30:59.000 Yeah, I gave you props.

02:31:00.000 That was cool.

02:31:01.000 That he did that.

02:31:01.000 Yeah, you really had a reaction to it.

02:31:06.000 A very, very, very strong reaction.

02:31:08.000 Which a lot of people wouldn't because this was an opportunity for you to get on television.

02:31:11.000 I'm going to get on TV. Ooh, I got to get on TV. I just got to get in front of those cameras at all costs.

02:31:16.000 Do you think you could have done Fear Factor?

02:31:18.000 What do you mean?

02:31:19.000 If someone came up to you and said, Hey, Duncan, we have this show.

02:31:21.000 We want you to host Fear Factor.

02:31:23.000 It's going to be this network reality show.

02:31:26.000 I don't think that would have been your...

02:31:28.000 You might not have done it. 0.73

02:31:30.000 You're a weird dude, man.

02:31:31.000 You might have walked away from it.

02:31:32.000 Let me explain the difference between...

02:31:34.000 And by the way, because I do not want to come off like I'm some kind of like saint or self-righteous, like super, like my artistic integrity.

02:31:43.000 Yeah, it wasn't just any reality show, by the way.

02:31:46.000 You had worked there and saw the toxic environment that you were dealing with for a long time.

02:31:52.000 And then saw that the most toxic of all was in control of this sort of project.

02:31:57.000 And it was going down all the wrong paths.

02:31:59.000 And you made a conscious decision. 0.95

02:32:02.000 I needed a way the fuck out of that job. 0.94

02:32:04.000 It was a desk job. 0.99

02:32:06.000 I needed to get the fuck out. 0.99

02:32:08.000 It seemed like a lot of things were aligning at the same time that gave me a way to move on instead of continuing in this job. 0.99

02:32:20.000 By the way, it was like a job where I was tired of it.

02:32:22.000 The guy who's the current talent coordinator was obviously really into the idea of having that job.

02:32:28.000 Like, for him, he wanted to do it.

02:32:31.000 Whereas for me, it was like it had gotten to the point where I wasn't inspired by it.

02:32:35.000 And it just seemed like... 0.70

02:32:38.000 To continue on would be the ultimate hypocrisy and would be a shitty move on every single level.

02:32:44.000 It's interesting because a lot of people would have never thought about it that way. 0.69

02:32:47.000 They would have thought, well, here's an opportunity.

02:32:49.000 Honestly, me, me personally, I probably would have thought about it and said, well, if I was working there, at least I'll get on television.

02:32:55.000 This will give me an opportunity to maybe branch off and do other things.

02:32:59.000 Yeah.

02:32:59.000 Yeah, well, you know, man, I've got a really weird hang-up when it comes to performance, which is that I think that people, if they're performing for something that's making money, deserve to get paid for it.

02:33:14.000 And so when I do our comedy show at the cemetery...

02:33:17.000 Thursday.

02:33:17.000 Oh yeah, it's Thursday.

02:33:19.000 We pay our comedians, we pay everyone who performs.

02:33:22.000 And if I'm shooting something, even if it's something that I'm not getting paid for.

02:33:28.000 If someone comes and is in a sketch I come up with, I pay them. 0.97

02:33:33.000 I give them money because they drove out there and gave me their time and they fucking deserve it.

02:33:37.000 I believe that you should be compensated for art. 0.81

02:33:41.000 I think that it's one of the highest things ever.

02:33:44.000 Another thing that was a little off-putting about that show is that I was clearly going to...

02:33:49.000 It wasn't just like they were going to film me at my desk doing my job.

02:33:53.000 It was like they wanted to create a heightened reality.

02:33:57.000 what i mean which they wanted you to fake shit and yeah and follow a script and so i brought it was a bad script and so i said you know well what what it i mean for one i was i was even then i was in a after i was in an actor's union it's like so wait a minute you're not gonna pay me for acting You have to. 0.90

02:34:16.000 I know that you're making money. 0.94

02:34:18.000 Anyone who's acting and spending their time involved in this thing should be getting paid.

02:34:22.000 They should get a little piece.

02:34:24.000 But you weren't going to get paid.

02:34:25.000 The producer said to me...

02:34:28.000 Absolutely not.

02:34:30.000 No way.

02:34:31.000 This is a documentary.

02:34:32.000 We're shooting a documentary.

02:34:34.000 You're not.

02:34:35.000 There's no... 0.99

02:34:36.000 That's fucked up. 0.99

02:34:37.000 There's no payment involved. 1.00

02:34:38.000 Wait a minute.

02:34:39.000 Who is the producer?

02:34:40.000 Whoever was producing the show.

02:34:42.000 They literally told you that you were going to be on the show and not get paid at all?

02:34:46.000 Yeah.

02:34:47.000 So you were going to be on TV making your salary from the comedy store?

02:34:50.000 Correct.

02:34:51.000 Whoa! 0.71

02:34:52.000 I didn't know that. 1.00

02:34:54.000 Whoa, what a bunch of cunts. 1.00

02:34:56.000 I did not know that at all. 1.00

02:34:59.000 Does that surprise you, given the toxic environment that we were talking about where you knew about comics opening for him and not getting paid and all sorts of other shit? 0.92

02:35:08.000 Yeah, you're doing it for the store, buddy.

02:35:10.000 See, and that's the problem about that attitude, which is in so many different aspects of society, which is where the artist is given the impression that they are lucky to be doing their art in a certain place.

02:35:28.000 Yes. 0.99

02:35:29.000 That is fucking Satanism. 1.00

02:35:31.000 That is not how it works, man. 1.00

02:35:32.000 It's like, I don't care what the fucking place is. 0.99

02:35:35.000 If it's a place that's making money and generating money off the artist, the artist is at the top of the fucking pyramid. 0.99

02:35:41.000 That's just logic. 0.98

02:35:43.000 If there's a fucking guy who makes beautiful cabinets, the most beautiful cabinets in the world, that guy is not going to be like, man, I am so lucky to be in this workshop where they let me make these cabinets. 0.99

02:35:56.000 No. 0.99

02:35:56.000 The Comedy Store is the worst case example of a place that thinks it's the star. 0.99

02:36:01.000 The place that thinks it's what's important.

02:36:03.000 Well, let me just say...

02:36:03.000 It's changed a lot lately.

02:36:05.000 Yeah, it has.

02:36:05.000 It's a totally different place.

02:36:07.000 I have to stick up for the place because...

02:36:11.000 Well, I go up there regularly and I... The comics kind of took it back.

02:36:16.000 The comics kind of took it back.

02:36:17.000 But that's not just it.

02:36:18.000 How's that possible?

02:36:19.000 Honestly, the place is under...

02:36:20.000 Is Dean still the manager?

02:36:21.000 I've never seen him there anymore. 0.99

02:36:23.000 The place has undergone a fucking geologic shift. 0.99

02:36:27.000 They're putting on really good acts right now. 1.00

02:36:29.000 It's fucking packed all the time. 0.86

02:36:32.000 It's got a really exciting, good vibe there. 0.97

02:36:35.000 And that period of stagnation and weirdness that when you...

02:36:39.000 Which made you...

02:36:40.000 Which drove you out...

02:36:41.000 That's long gone.

02:36:43.000 Really?

02:36:43.000 Yes!

02:36:43.000 So what do you think killed that?

02:36:45.000 Mencia not being around anymore?

02:36:46.000 I wouldn't...

02:36:47.000 Or changed it?

02:36:48.000 Because he's still welcome to go there, right?

02:36:50.000 Mencia?

02:36:51.000 Yeah, he can still go there and go out anytime he wants.

02:36:53.000 I don't know.

02:36:54.000 I think he has to call in now where he needs to have to.

02:36:56.000 I think Sarah Silverman just went up there.

02:36:58.000 She's there all the time.

02:37:00.000 Every time I go in there, I'm like... 1.00

02:37:02.000 What the fuck? 0.99

02:37:04.000 It's generally just like burgeoning. 1.00

02:37:06.000 You know what it seems like?

02:37:07.000 It seems like the management kind of took a couple steps back.

02:37:10.000 I don't know if they were told to or that they just kind of got bored of trying to be...

02:37:14.000 Because now it seems like really you just see the comics.

02:37:16.000 Like the comics are just all...

02:37:18.000 That's always best case scenario.

02:37:20.000 You know, this talk about people getting paid.

02:37:22.000 Here's another interesting topic that I wanted to bring up to you.

02:37:24.000 And we'll just end on this because we've been going on forever.

02:37:27.000 There's a lot of podcasts that are doing podcasts now in front of live audiences.

02:37:31.000 And it's a way of generating revenue for the podcast.

02:37:34.000 But they're not paying the people that are guests on the podcast.

02:37:38.000 And one invited me, and I'm not going to name any names, but invited me to go and be on one of their podcasts in front of a live audience.

02:37:45.000 And I said, no.

02:37:48.000 No one's getting paid.

02:37:50.000 Someone's going to drive an hour away.

02:37:52.000 And I've done this before, by the way, because it's kind of a...

02:37:56.000 You know, it's an opportunity to go and be on something and, you know, have some fun and, you know, and network with all these other people that are doing these things.

02:38:03.000 But at a certain point in time, you're like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

02:38:05.000 How much do you charge?

02:38:06.000 It costs 20 bucks to get in or 30 bucks to get in and you've got 500 people in here.

02:38:11.000 What's going on here?

02:38:12.000 Is this a comedy show?

02:38:14.000 Because if it's a comedy show, then it makes sense that, you know, you're the headliner, but you have to pay the opening act.

02:38:18.000 You gotta pay the middle act.

02:38:19.000 You gotta pay everyone who performs on your show.

02:38:21.000 You know, with the bandwidth, though, that podcasts have been racking up on some people, like, what was Adam Carolla saying that he was paying up to $5,000 a month?

02:38:29.000 I think he said $10,000.

02:38:30.000 $10,000 a month. 1.00

02:38:30.000 I mean, that shit's real shit, man. 1.00

02:38:32.000 That fucking bandwidth. 1.00

02:38:34.000 Podcasts are usually about 100 megabytes each. 1.00

02:38:36.000 He times that by, I don't know, a couple hundred thousand people. 0.75

02:38:38.000 That's ridiculous. 0.90

02:38:40.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

02:38:40.000 Yes, but you know what? 0.99

02:38:41.000 Guess what?

02:38:43.000 How much does it benefit those comics to be on the show?

02:38:45.000 It benefits them a bit, but it definitely benefits the person who's running the podcast to have a star on their podcast.

02:38:52.000 If you're going to do it in front of a live audience...

02:38:54.000 It's a weird situation right now.

02:38:56.000 It's a weird dynamic.

02:38:57.000 It almost feels like we need a union to step in.

02:39:00.000 How can you do that?

02:39:02.000 There's just a basic logic...

02:39:04.000 That should go behind...

02:39:06.000 If you're making a show, if you're producing a show, there's just a basic logic.

02:39:09.000 The basic logic is the performers are the heart of the show.

02:39:13.000 If you're making money, you have to compensate them.

02:39:17.000 That's just logic.

02:39:17.000 You're not doing them a favor by letting them perform.

02:39:20.000 But you are kind of a little bit because you're giving them exposure.

02:39:24.000 Think about every time you come on this show.

02:39:26.000 This show, obviously, we're not getting paid except for the sponsor.

02:39:30.000 And the sponsor basically...

02:39:32.000 It's all gone.

02:39:32.000 I mean, the sponsor pays for bandwidth and Brian and a bunch of other things, and it's all gone.

02:39:36.000 But you get on a show like this, and for sure, it elevates you and makes people aware of you.

02:39:42.000 But on the other hand, the show's way better when you're on.

02:39:46.000 It benefits us, too.

02:39:47.000 That used to bother me a lot about radio shows.

02:39:50.000 Someone would say something douche about someone, the person wouldn't want to do the show anymore, and they would say, hey, didn't we help you?

02:39:55.000 Didn't we help you out?

02:39:56.000 Yeah, but you can look at it that way, but you'd also look at it like you need to have funny people on your show for your show to be good.

02:40:02.000 You should be happy they go on.

02:40:06.000 Here's the difference, man.

02:40:07.000 This show, for one, I've made a fortune in flashlights. 0.98

02:40:12.000 I've had so fucking many. 0.79

02:40:14.000 And the other thing about it is we're friends and there's no sense of like, you're lucky to be here. 0.97

02:40:24.000 This is the best venue for you, though, man.

02:40:26.000 This is the best opportunity that people have ever had to get a look at what's special about you and weird about you. 0.99

02:40:33.000 To have these long-ass two-and-a-half-plus-hour conversations where you get into weird depth about shit. 0.93

02:40:39.000 People get a chance to see your personality in a way you would never get exposed to on a talk show. 0.98

02:40:44.000 There's no way in some seven-minute clip on, you know, name the show.

02:40:49.000 I don't know anything.

02:40:50.000 Jimmy Fallon.

02:40:51.000 Name, you know, whatever the show is.

02:40:52.000 Any of those shows.

02:40:53.000 What are you going to do?

02:40:54.000 Are you going to talk about something for seven minutes?

02:40:55.000 You mean sitting at the desk when you come up with a cup of coffee?

02:40:58.000 You don't know people.

02:40:59.000 The way people know us from doing this show, they know you in a deep, deep way.

02:41:04.000 There's no other opportunity to get this close to people, this close to the workings of the mind. 0.94

02:41:10.000 Dude, I have fucking still ongoing conversations happening on Facebook with people from this podcast who like, I'll tell them something crazy and then they'll email me like the most insane, subversive fucking video or just like... 1.00

02:41:26.000 Really crazy shit. 0.99

02:41:28.000 Sometimes I can't go on Facebook if I'm too stoned because I'll start getting paranoid because there'll be some heavy-duty, weird fucking shit up there. 1.00

02:41:36.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:41:36.000 Well, you know what, man? 0.99

02:41:37.000 This is what's going on.

02:41:38.000 This is what's going on.

02:41:40.000 We are connecting with like-minded people in a way that's never been available before, and it's starting a network.

02:41:45.000 It's not just a network with podcasts, with the Death Squad podcast and yours, the Lavender Hour.

02:41:50.000 You know, it's that, but it's also a network with all these fucking people on Facebook, and all these people on Twitter, and these people that I met in Australia that came to the show, and these people that are, I've got a show this weekend, or this week, rather, Wednesday night, yeah, Wednesday night, I'm at the Louisville, Kentucky Improv.

02:42:06.000 That's my next gig. 0.94

02:42:07.000 And that's another one.

02:42:08.000 This is all promoted just strictly straight from Twitter.

02:42:11.000 You're going to have fun there, man.

02:42:13.000 I'm sure.

02:42:13.000 We have fun everywhere, and that's the deal.

02:42:16.000 I mean, I have fun in Australia.

02:42:18.000 We're bringing these people all together, and people are getting connected, and there's a movement going on.

02:42:24.000 There's a movement of the mind.

02:42:26.000 This is an opportunity for people to find and connect with like-minded people about things that they thought were interesting that fucking was not available just a year ago.

02:42:35.000 It was not available two years ago or three years ago.

02:42:37.000 It's like this new thought, this new hive mind that's being created.

02:42:43.000 And I'm not taking responsibility for it.

02:42:45.000 It's creating itself.

02:42:46.000 It's always been things that I've always been interested in, and it's always been things that you've always been interested in.

02:42:50.000 But it's refining and altering the way that I think about the world, because I'll say... 0.99

02:42:56.000 I'll obviously say some pretty stupid shit that I haven't thought about. 0.99

02:43:00.000 And I'll get an email or five Facebook messages correcting whatever fact. 1.00

02:43:06.000 And usually very politely.

02:43:07.000 Usually, yeah, very politely.

02:43:08.000 And it's just like, oh, okay.

02:43:09.000 And then I'll find myself walking the next day, like walking my dog and just thinking about that way that my new version of the universe.

02:43:18.000 Absolutely.

02:43:18.000 And that's evolution.

02:43:20.000 Yes.

02:43:21.000 It's ours.

02:43:21.000 It's theirs.

02:43:23.000 I've said this many times that I've talked to a bunch of people that have said they don't know anybody like us.

02:43:27.000 They don't ever have the chance to have these opportunities to have these conversations with people that are near them.

02:43:31.000 But they get to sit in on these conversations and it's changing the way they think.

02:43:35.000 Well, it changes the way I think, too, because we're having these conversations on a really regular basis where we know we're broadcasting them. 0.98

02:43:41.000 So we know a lot of the shit we say, we have to check it. 0.97

02:43:44.000 We have to correct it. 0.99

02:43:45.000 We have to do some Google searching.

02:43:47.000 We have to consider our options, consider the contrary argument.

02:43:50.000 And then we'll get all sorts of different cool comments and different links and different things.

02:43:55.000 Here's another thing that they're doing on my message board.

02:43:57.000 Every time there's a podcast, they'll start a thread where they analyze the podcast as it goes along.

02:44:03.000 And then they'll put links up and videos up to things that we're talking about. 0.97

02:44:07.000 It's fucking amazing, man. 0.95

02:44:08.000 And it's all natural. 0.99

02:44:10.000 It's all just a natural occurrence.

02:44:12.000 It's all just...

02:44:13.000 It's just grown out of interest, and it spreads, and then people contribute to it, and then it gets larger and larger.

02:44:20.000 I mean, it really is.

02:44:21.000 There's a hive mind. 1.00

02:44:22.000 It's going on, bitches. 1.00

02:44:24.000 It's going on right now, and that's how we're going to end this fucking thing. 1.00

02:44:25.000 Can I say something I've got coming up? 0.99

02:44:27.000 No!

02:44:28.000 Please!

02:44:28.000 No plugs!

02:44:30.000 I forgot.

02:44:31.000 Capitalism boy!

02:44:32.000 Comedy is dead.

02:44:33.000 Yes, when is it?

02:44:34.000 This Thursday.

02:44:34.000 This Thursday?

02:44:35.000 We've got this gay, this gay. 1.00

02:44:37.000 And it's at a funeral, by the way. 0.99

02:44:39.000 It's not a funeral, it's a cemetery.

02:44:41.000 Comedy's Dead is at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

02:44:43.000 Well, no.

02:44:43.000 It's not a live funeral.

02:44:45.000 Occasionally someone will die on stage.

02:44:46.000 It's in a Masonic Lodge at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.

02:44:50.000 And this...

02:44:51.000 What's the address?

02:44:52.000 Uh, 6000 Santa Monica Boulevard.

02:44:54.000 And we've got Neil Hamburger.

02:44:56.000 Yes.

02:44:56.000 If you haven't seen him, you have to see him.

02:44:57.000 But this guy I'm really excited about.

02:44:59.000 We have Mary Lynn Rice Cub from 24. Yes.

02:45:02.000 And we've got, uh, this guy I'm super excited.

02:45:04.000 You should give her that book I just gave you.

02:45:07.000 You should read that on stage. 1.00

02:45:08.000 Shut up! 1.00

02:45:11.000 There's a guy named Kay Strauss, who's the yo-yo guy who invaded all these TV stations in the Midwest. 1.00

02:45:18.000 Oh, I saw that.

02:45:19.000 And he's going to be performing on the show.

02:45:21.000 Explain that real quick.

02:45:22.000 This will be the end.

02:45:23.000 Because this guy, he went on these shows and pretended that he knows how to do the yo-yo for kids.

02:45:29.000 He did a character on these morning shows.

02:45:31.000 Apparently, you could just send them a letter and say, I'm traveling through schools doing environmental lessons and using yo-yos to do it.

02:45:38.000 And it kind of seems like a nice, feel-good story.

02:45:41.000 And so they invite him in. 0.96

02:45:42.000 He's wearing this ridiculous outfit. 0.82

02:45:45.000 He's a character actor on the level when Kaufman would do his stuff. 1.00

02:45:49.000 He's that fucking good. 0.98

02:45:51.000 And he's this addled guy who comes on stage with a yo-yo and doesn't really get to the yo-yo. 0.99

02:45:59.000 They finally end up having to ask him to do it.

02:46:01.000 And every time they...

02:46:03.000 And every time they ask him to do it, something awful goes wrong.

02:46:07.000 The yo-yo breaks.

02:46:09.000 He can't yo-yo.

02:46:10.000 He's terribly yo-yoing.

02:46:12.000 And he just leaves them hanging every time.

02:46:14.000 Well, it's awkward and they want to make him feel better, but he's clearly out of it.

02:46:21.000 It's all on YouTube.

02:46:23.000 What's his name again?

02:46:23.000 K-Strauss.

02:46:24.000 S-T-R-A-S-S. The yo-yo guy. 0.96

02:46:28.000 K-Strauss?

02:46:29.000 K-Strauss.

02:46:30.000 The letter K? K, yeah.

02:46:32.000 The letter K and then S-T-R-A-U-S-S? S-T-R-A-S-S. A-S-S? Yeah.

02:46:37.000 And what is he going to do at your show?

02:46:39.000 He's got a show based around, the character is going to, his character will be there and he does a yo-yo show for everybody.

02:46:44.000 So it's basically the same thing?

02:46:46.000 Kind of.

02:46:47.000 Well, you don't know, right?

02:46:48.000 Well, no, I saw him do it.

02:46:49.000 Has he been doing stand-up or is he just doing this kind of weird performance art thing?

02:46:53.000 He just does this performance art character.

02:46:54.000 How long has he been doing it? 0.98

02:46:56.000 He's obviously been doing some form of character comedy for a while because he's too good at it to not have fucking practiced a lot. 0.99

02:47:04.000 Or he could be crazy, right? 0.99

02:47:05.000 I met him.

02:47:06.000 He's not.

02:47:06.000 He's a super nice guy.

02:47:07.000 He's like a really cool...

02:47:08.000 Is he on drugs?

02:47:09.000 No.

02:47:10.000 Is he on Charlie Sheen?

02:47:11.000 Do you want to hear a little bit of them?

02:47:13.000 What?

02:47:13.000 On the news?

02:47:14.000 Nah, we're done. 1.00

02:47:15.000 This fucking thing's been gone for three hours now. 0.99

02:47:18.000 Thank you, Duncan Trussell, for coming on. 0.99

02:47:20.000 You're the man.

02:47:21.000 No, I shouldn't even say you're the man.

02:47:22.000 You're a fascinating human being.

02:47:25.000 One of my best friends, and I'm honored that you could be my friend and come on the podcast. 0.95

02:47:29.000 You're cool as fuck, and it's awesome having you on here.

02:47:31.000 And Lavender Hour, you can download off iTunes. 0.94

02:47:34.000 And you guys have a website?

02:47:36.000 LavenderHour.com.

02:47:37.000 And it's him and Natasha Leggero.

02:47:39.000 Leggero.

02:47:40.000 Leggero.

02:47:40.000 And it's a very, very funny podcast.

02:47:43.000 Thank you to The Fleshlight for sponsoring the show.

02:47:46.000 If you go to joerogan.net and click the link and enter in the code name ROGAN, you get 15% off.

02:47:52.000 Louisville Improv.

02:47:53.000 I don't know if there's tickets still available.

02:47:55.000 There wasn't very many left.

02:47:56.000 But it's this Wednesday night with me and my man Tom Segura. 0.99

02:48:00.000 Shit's jumping off. 0.98

02:48:02.000 And then we'll be back at... 0.99

02:48:03.000 We'll be back at Sal's Comedy Hole next Wednesday.

02:48:06.000 And we'll also have a couple of podcasts next week.

02:48:09.000 I got a couple of good things cooking.

02:48:10.000 So Brian Callen will be on this Friday.

02:48:13.000 So that'll be the next one.

02:48:15.000 And I'll also put up the podcast on a plane with Ari Shafir. 0.97

02:48:19.000 All right, that's it, bitches! 1.00

02:48:21.000 That's the end of this fantastical podcast. 0.99

02:48:23.000 And listen to our Steve-O podcast over at the Death Squad and our Blackout.

02:48:26.000 Yeah, don't listen to the Blackout one. 0.99

02:48:28.000 UFC Blackout and the Super Blackout.

02:48:31.000 Yeah, the UFC Blackout maybe.

02:48:32.000 That Super Blackout one.

02:48:33.000 I'm going to step in and intervene.

02:48:35.000 Joe, you've got to listen to it at least before you judge it.

02:48:38.000 It's hilarious. 0.89

02:48:39.000 He gets drunk with crazy broads and literally they get hammered and slobber over each other and threaten to kill each other. 1.00

02:48:48.000 Why would anyone want to watch that? 0.61

02:48:49.000 It's awesome.

02:48:50.000 All right, folks.

02:48:51.000 Yeah, well, if you've got nothing to do, check it out.

02:48:52.000 It sounds awesome. 0.99

02:48:52.000 All right, bitches. 0.99

02:48:53.000 We will see you soon on Friday, and I'll see you crazy freaks in Louisville, Kentucky, and maybe I could talk you out of escaping or creating something better in Louisville. 0.99

02:49:04.000 Bye!

02:49:05.000 Maybe a bit of anarchy.

02:49:06.000 All right.

02:49:06.000 Thank you.

The Joe Rogan Experience - February 28, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #84 - Duncan Trussell

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript