The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #843 - Tony Hinchcliffe

00:00:00.000 You should say that on the podcast.

00:00:04.000 What were you just saying, young Tony Hinchcliffe?

00:00:07.000 That I love fanny packs and I've been using them continuously.

00:00:10.000 Yeah, that's right, folks.

00:00:11.000 Don't get scared.

00:00:13.000 The Illuminati and the elite, they want to keep you from embracing the fanny pack.

00:00:17.000 They want to emasculate you.

00:00:19.000 It's probably not them.

00:00:20.000 That's like our group name.

00:00:21.000 You've heard of the Rat Pack or the Fanny Pack.

00:00:25.000 Brian's never dared one.

00:00:26.000 Yeah, I have yours.

00:00:28.000 I wear it all the time.

00:00:29.000 I've never seen you wear it.

00:00:30.000 But you know what's cool is those little ones that stretch.

00:00:32.000 Have you ever seen those?

00:00:33.000 Oh, I've seen those.

00:00:33.000 Like, super small, and they stretch big, so you can put a couple things in it or nothing, and you can't really see it.

00:00:39.000 Yeah, those things are good for jogging.

00:00:41.000 They pull tight to you.

00:00:43.000 It's a smaller pocket, though.

00:00:45.000 See, the thing with these things is, if you travel as much as we do... 0.98

00:00:48.000 You just have all your shit in that thing and you just drop it off. 0.99

00:00:51.000 Just take any thought out of your head you might have about getting laid. 1.00

00:00:55.000 Yeah.

00:00:56.000 That won't be happening.

00:00:57.000 If you are a single person, you're a single man.

00:01:00.000 Single girl could pull it off. 1.00

00:01:01.000 We don't give a fuck. 1.00

00:01:03.000 A girl had a penny pack would not make her any less hot. 1.00

00:01:06.000 No need to put a condom in a fanny pack. 0.68

00:01:07.000 You'll never use it.

00:01:08.000 Ha! 0.89

00:01:09.000 Your fanny pack, though, isn't really cheesy or anything.

00:01:12.000 It's actually cool looking.

00:01:13.000 It's Roots.

00:01:14.000 Slim.

00:01:15.000 We sell them.

00:01:16.000 They put a higher Primate logo on it.

00:01:18.000 Roots does.

00:01:19.000 But it's a Roots fanny pack.

00:01:21.000 They are the ones that Dice was wearing.

00:01:23.000 That's how I found out about it.

00:01:24.000 Dice came in, and I had instant fanny pack envy. 0.64

00:01:27.000 I was like, what do you have here?

00:01:28.000 What do you have?

00:01:30.000 Oh, this is the one I got! 1.00

00:01:32.000 Oh, for fucking Canada! 1.00

00:01:35.000 When I'm in the line at TSA, I eyeball everybody that's emptying their pockets. 1.00

00:01:39.000 I just look at everybody and then I snap and drop it like a mic into the things that everybody just saw me.

00:01:46.000 And it zips up.

00:01:47.000 Your pockets don't zip up.

00:01:49.000 It's better.

00:01:50.000 Everything falls out of pockets on an airplane.

00:01:52.000 There's something about it.

00:01:54.000 I've worn it on stage maybe four times.

00:01:56.000 You've worn it on stage?

00:01:59.000 Yeah, I wore it on stage in Utah.

00:02:00.000 It gets in the way, though.

00:02:02.000 Flopping around if you're moving too much.

00:02:04.000 Yeah, there's certain places where I can't wear a fanny pack.

00:02:07.000 The only way it would work is if you actually moved it to your fanny, and there's just something about that that's not going to happen.

00:02:13.000 Yeah.

00:02:14.000 If you're going to have a fanny pack, it's got to be in the front.

00:02:16.000 And waterproof.

00:02:18.000 Waterproof fanny packs might be next.

00:02:20.000 Why not shower with it?

00:02:23.000 Bar of soap in there, pull it out. 1.00

00:02:26.000 If you have like a secret and you keep it in that fanny pack, it's like a picture of your dick or something like that. 1.00

00:02:32.000 You don't want anybody having it. 0.99

00:02:33.000 An actual physical picture.

00:02:36.000 What was the one Bobby Kelly was wearing?

00:02:38.000 It was like one that went over your shoulders.

00:02:40.000 Bandolero.

00:02:42.000 Bandolero!

00:02:43.000 What is it?

00:02:44.000 It's like a fanny pack that's on your chest.

00:02:47.000 It's like for people who are scared of wearing a fanny pack so they pretend they're world travelers with skinny soles.

00:02:52.000 You know those dudes who wear like suede shoes of muted colors with thin soles?

00:02:57.000 Yeah.

00:02:57.000 You know those kind of guys?

00:02:58.000 And they have like skinny pants on and then they wear like a satchel.

00:03:02.000 I have a satchel.

00:03:03.000 I just got back from Buenos Aires.

00:03:06.000 It's amazing this time of year.

00:03:09.000 Yeah.

00:03:09.000 That guy wore a satchel.

00:03:11.000 I like to take those people's satchels from them and just wear them around my waist.

00:03:14.000 Did you just turn my satchel into a fanny pack?

00:03:17.000 It's more of a butcher's apron.

00:03:21.000 Yeah, there's something about them.

00:03:22.000 For whatever reason, not only did they not catch on, they became gross.

00:03:27.000 Like, fanny packs are gross.

00:03:29.000 They're way more than didn't catch on.

00:03:30.000 Ooh, this man has a satchel.

00:03:33.000 Oh, no.

00:03:33.000 This man is very involved in UNICEF and the Red Cross.

00:03:38.000 He goes to foreign lands and delivers malaria medicine.

00:03:46.000 Right?

00:03:47.000 Look at that guy.

00:03:49.000 Oosh, there's something about you.

00:03:51.000 When I'm not on the Big Bang Theory, I carry around my satchel.

00:03:54.000 I ought to blow a guy to get this roll.

00:03:57.000 What's in that saddle? 1.00

00:03:57.000 Just a bunch of dicks. 1.00

00:03:59.000 Pubic hair and dicks. 1.00

00:04:01.000 It's filled with cum. 1.00

00:04:03.000 13 pounds of cum. 0.99

00:04:05.000 He's sloshless when he walks. 0.99

00:04:06.000 Alright, how much do you think it would weigh if that was filled with cum? 0.98

00:04:09.000 How heavy is cum? 0.88

00:04:11.000 It's a little thicker than water, so... 0.92

00:04:13.000 Probably about 9 pounds.

00:04:15.000 Gown of milk.

00:04:16.000 9 pounds.

00:04:18.000 Well, I should know. 0.97

00:04:20.000 We had pictures of cum on Fear Factor. 0.90

00:04:23.000 It was actual pictures. 0.98

00:04:25.000 What kind of cum? 0.99

00:04:26.000 It was donkey cum. 1.00

00:04:27.000 Oh, man. 1.00

00:04:29.000 Donkey cum is the cheapest cum you can get because donkeys are hybrids and they're not viable. 1.00

00:04:34.000 So that donkey cum is just useless. 1.00

00:04:38.000 When you had that much cum, did it separate? 1.00

00:04:40.000 You didn't have to blend it.

00:04:41.000 No.

00:04:42.000 You didn't have to shake it like a lemonade.

00:04:44.000 It's like a curdle at the top.

00:04:46.000 Scoop off.

00:04:47.000 No.

00:04:47.000 No, you didn't have to shake it.

00:04:48.000 I know what you're talking about.

00:04:49.000 Like some of those energy drinks that you mix in a water bottle and then it settles to the bottom. 0.98

00:04:55.000 No, cum is just cum. 0.99

00:04:58.000 It's basically cock snot. 1.00

00:04:59.000 There it is. 0.99

00:05:01.000 Oh no. 1.00

00:05:01.000 Those girls, one of them drank a glass of cum and one drank a glass of urine. 1.00

00:05:09.000 There's two times ever doing that show where I was like, what in the fuck are you doing? 1.00

00:05:15.000 You can't do this. 0.99

00:05:16.000 You guys are going too far.

00:05:17.000 Oh.

00:05:20.000 That's Donkey Cum?

00:05:21.000 Donkey Cum. 0.98

00:05:22.000 A whole beer mug full of Donkey Cum.

00:05:25.000 God, I miss that show.

00:05:26.000 Somebody sat down.

00:05:26.000 This is how crazy this show was.

00:05:28.000 Somebody sat down, said, I got an idea.

00:05:32.000 I started pitching that people would have to drink Donkey Cum.

00:05:37.000 It blows my mind that it was on NBC. Yeah, and then other people said, yeah, I like what you're saying.

00:05:44.000 Makes sense.

00:05:45.000 Let's do it.

00:05:46.000 NBC is as mainstream as it gets.

00:05:48.000 Like, hey, after you're done enjoying Donkey Cum, watch the nightly news with Tom Brokaw.

00:05:53.000 God, as mainstream as possible.

00:05:56.000 And the girl did it. 1.00

00:05:57.000 She's pretending like she didn't love it, though.

00:05:59.000 She liked it.

00:06:00.000 Ugh.

00:06:02.000 It's not even our first time drinking Donkey Kong. 0.98

00:06:04.000 Dude, it was so ridiculous. 1.00

00:06:06.000 That's a shit I would love to have seen. 1.00

00:06:08.000 The Donkey there? 1.00

00:06:10.000 Such a ridiculous show. 1.00

00:06:12.000 The show was so silly. 1.00

00:06:13.000 That's overkill, like being able to look at the Donkey. 0.99

00:06:18.000 Oh, the guy.

00:06:19.000 I love that you're just yelling at these guys.

00:06:21.000 Come on, chug it! 0.99

00:06:22.000 That guy just chugged it so quick.

00:06:24.000 Now they're hugging, they're getting calm on each other.

00:06:26.000 So strange.

00:06:28.000 It's just, it's so, then they get to throw up.

00:06:30.000 They have to hold it in their mouth for like a few seconds or something.

00:06:33.000 His buddy's throwing up and he didn't even drink it.

00:06:36.000 I don't need to relive this, Jay.

00:06:37.000 We could stop this right now.

00:06:39.000 This is so unnecessary.

00:06:40.000 That's incredible.

00:06:41.000 Incredible.

00:06:41.000 It's just amazing that that was an actual show.

00:06:44.000 You know?

00:06:44.000 It's amazing, as amazing to me as it is to anybody that was watching it.

00:06:48.000 It doesn't even feel like it was me.

00:06:50.000 Like, I watch it now, and even though I know it was me, I'm like, I didn't do that. 0.92

00:06:54.000 It's crazy because most shows, like, for comedians to host suck and aren't fun at all. 0.55

00:07:00.000 You know what I mean? 0.92

00:07:01.000 But that show seems like it was, you were surprised.

00:07:05.000 Like, it's like, you get to watch, you're like, oh, we're making these people drink.

00:07:08.000 Donkey come today?

00:07:09.000 Like, how do you not enjoy that?

00:07:11.000 It's hard.

00:07:13.000 It's hard to drink.

00:07:15.000 You gotta help these people.

00:07:16.000 You gotta root them on.

00:07:17.000 Out of all the things on Fear Factor, did you ever, like, sample anything?

00:07:21.000 Like, dip your finger in anything and try it? 0.99

00:07:22.000 Yeah, I ate a bunch of shit. 1.00

00:07:25.000 The first episode, I felt bad. 1.00

00:07:27.000 The people had to eat sheep's eyeballs. 0.92

00:07:28.000 I said I would eat one, too.

00:07:30.000 Wow.

00:07:30.000 Just for a goof.

00:07:31.000 But I don't even think we put that on camera.

00:07:33.000 I just said I would do it for you guys.

00:07:34.000 Did it taste bad?

00:07:36.000 It's a sheep joke. 1.00

00:07:37.000 You son of a bitch! 1.00

00:07:38.000 You fucking can't help yourself. 1.00

00:07:40.000 You literally can't help yourself. 1.00

00:07:42.000 Wow.

00:07:44.000 No, it didn't taste that bad.

00:07:45.000 It was not that big a deal.

00:07:47.000 It's more of in your head than anything.

00:07:50.000 I ate a tomato hornworm. 0.53

00:07:53.000 Again, all in your head.

00:07:54.000 The actual taste, not that bad.

00:07:56.000 Not that big a deal.

00:07:57.000 Those were the big ones that popped in your mouth.

00:08:00.000 Yeah, it exploded in my mouth.

00:08:02.000 Didn't taste bad at all.

00:08:03.000 It's like nothing.

00:08:05.000 Cockroach. 0.96

00:08:06.000 I had a big-ass cockroach. 0.95

00:08:07.000 What was that? 0.97

00:08:08.000 A Madagascar hissing cockroach. 1.00

00:08:10.000 Was it alive?

00:08:11.000 Well, there was a young lady that was on the show, and she was going to get kicked off if she didn't do something else. 1.00

00:08:17.000 She had to do something to stay in the show.

00:08:18.000 It was all for charity, right?

00:08:20.000 Because it was a celebrity fear factor.

00:08:23.000 Allison Sweeney, I believe her name is, from Days of Our Lives.

00:08:26.000 And so I said, look, if you eat one of these roaches, I don't know who came up with this idea.

00:08:33.000 Someone in the office.

00:08:35.000 I'm like, if you eat one of these roaches, you can stay.

00:08:38.000 And she said, I can't eat a roach.

00:08:41.000 I go, what about a worm?

00:08:42.000 I go, what about two worms?

00:08:43.000 I think we made a deal.

00:08:46.000 Maybe she ate two worms or something like that? 1.00

00:08:48.000 And I had to eat a roach. 1.00

00:08:50.000 So stupid. 1.00

00:08:51.000 It's just such a ridiculous show. 1.00

00:08:53.000 But anyway, the point is, this roach tasted like nothing. 0.98

00:08:58.000 It's like, there's nothing.

00:08:59.000 Look at you, you got it.

00:09:04.000 It made me cough, because of like, all the little legs.

00:09:09.000 I was kind of, I thought.

00:09:11.000 But all the little legs and the parts and stuff.

00:09:14.000 Why?

00:09:15.000 Why would you do that?

00:09:18.000 You love it.

00:09:21.000 That's hilarious.

00:09:23.000 Ooh, a Baldwin brother.

00:09:24.000 Yeah, the Baldwin brother.

00:09:26.000 Wow.

00:09:26.000 Steven.

00:09:27.000 He's a nice guy.

00:09:28.000 Very nice guy.

00:09:30.000 I would have loved to have seen him.

00:09:32.000 He won.

00:09:32.000 He did?

00:09:33.000 Yeah, he won.

00:09:33.000 Yeah.

00:09:35.000 He was a funny dude.

00:09:36.000 He's all ate up with the Jesus, though.

00:09:39.000 He's with pro-Jesus? 0.50

00:09:41.000 Oh, all up with Jesus.

00:09:43.000 Wow.

00:09:43.000 Yeah, he's like a big Jesus, like a proselytizer.

00:09:47.000 He does like retreats and shit or something like that. 0.99

00:09:51.000 Very Jesus-oriented individual. 0.99

00:09:53.000 But a happy guy.

00:09:54.000 Very nice guy.

00:09:55.000 Yeah.

00:09:56.000 Kirk Cameron style.

00:09:57.000 No, not that far.

00:09:59.000 No?

00:09:59.000 Kirk Cameron's in some wacky place where they, you know, look at a banana and they go, this has to be a sign of God.

00:10:06.000 Look how the banana fits in your hand.

00:10:08.000 It is the perfect shape.

00:10:10.000 Note how it peels.

00:10:12.000 Designed by the creator himself to fit in your hands.

00:10:16.000 Have you ever seen that?

00:10:17.000 Ray Comfort explains a banana.

00:10:20.000 We gotta watch this, because this is his boy. 1.00

00:10:22.000 Like, these two guys, they get together and they don't fuck. 0.99

00:10:25.000 They just look at each other and they want to and no one does anything and they just keep doing it night after night. 0.98

00:10:29.000 They just talk about Jesus and stare into each other's eyes.

00:10:32.000 But this is his buddy that he does- Daniel Baldwin.

00:10:35.000 No, no, no.

00:10:36.000 The other one.

00:10:37.000 Kirk Cameron.

00:10:38.000 Oh, yeah.

00:10:38.000 This is his buddy.

00:10:39.000 It's like off the deep end Jesus guy. 1.00

00:10:42.000 And this is the guy that he holds up a fucking banana. 1.00

00:10:46.000 And it's the atheist's nightmare, he says. 1.00

00:10:50.000 He's like, this is a banana, and it is the atheist's nightmare. 1.00

00:10:53.000 The atheist's nightmare. 1.00

00:10:55.000 If you study a well-made banana, you'll find on the far side, there are three ridges.

00:11:00.000 On the close side, two ridges.

00:11:02.000 If you get your hand ready to grip a banana, you'll find on the far side, there are three grooves.

00:11:06.000 On the close side, two grooves.

00:11:07.000 The banana and the hand are perfectly made one for the other.

00:11:11.000 You'll find the maker of the banana, Almighty God, has made it with a non-slip surface.

00:11:16.000 It has outward indicators of inward contents.

00:11:18.000 Green, too early.

00:11:20.000 Yellow, just right.

00:11:21.000 Black, too late. 0.54

00:11:23.000 Now, if you go to the top of the banana, you'll find, as were the soda can makers, they placed a tab at the top, so God has placed a tab at the top.

00:11:30.000 When you pull the tab, the contents don't squirt in your face.

00:11:34.000 You'll find the wrapper, which is biodegradable, has perforations.

00:11:38.000 Notice how gracefully it sits over the human hand.

00:11:41.000 Notice it has a point at the top for ease of entry.

00:11:43.000 It's just the right shape for the human mouth.

00:11:45.000 It's chewy, easy to digest, and it's even curved toward the face to make the whole process so much easier.

00:11:52.000 Seriously, Kurt, the whole of creation testifies to the genius of God's creative heart.

00:11:57.000 Kurt was about to jump in.

00:11:59.000 Oh, you just totally made sense. 0.97

00:12:01.000 What you said wasn't fucking ridiculous at all. 0.98

00:12:04.000 Look how Jesus designed this banana. 0.98

00:12:06.000 Does that get us kicked off YouTube?

00:12:08.000 Yeah.

00:12:09.000 We're going to have to edit that out?

00:12:10.000 We're going to have to edit it out.

00:12:12.000 Yeah, most likely.

00:12:14.000 It's not our content.

00:12:15.000 And we don't want to get booted off YouTube.

00:12:17.000 But, um, Ray Comfort Banana.

00:12:19.000 Google it.

00:12:20.000 It's awesome.

00:12:21.000 God, it's awesome. 0.99

00:12:22.000 All the god shit to the side. 0.99

00:12:24.000 Like, it is sort of crazy, if you think about fruits, how amazing they are. 1.00

00:12:29.000 Like, it's like candy in a wrapper.

00:12:32.000 You know...

00:12:33.000 Well, it's like a delivery system trick. 0.58

00:12:35.000 It's like there's seeds inside these plants, and if you eat it, it goes through your body, you shit it out, so it literally comes with manure. 0.99

00:12:43.000 It's got a seed, it's got some manure, it's got shit, so the seed can grow in. 0.99

00:12:48.000 It literally comes out with fertilizer. 0.99

00:12:51.000 There's a way, especially with animals like undulates, like cows and stuff like that, they're shitting out almost like mulch.

00:12:59.000 They're shitting out compost. 1.00

00:13:01.000 I mean, you take cows' shit and you take that shit and you grow things with it. 1.00

00:13:05.000 I mean, it's a great fertilizer. 1.00

00:13:06.000 People use it on their crops.

00:13:08.000 So it's, in a lot of ways, I would imagine, this is just me thinking, that this is what it is.

00:13:14.000 It's like some sort of a transportation device for seeds, right?

00:13:19.000 Doesn't that make sense?

00:13:19.000 It's crazy.

00:13:20.000 I never thought of it that way, though.

00:13:22.000 They're like animals eat the seeds and then they're pooping out the next thing.

00:13:26.000 Bananas don't have seeds.

00:13:28.000 No, don't.

00:13:29.000 Do they?

00:13:30.000 If it was really Jesus's, if it was really an atheist nightmare, I think there'd be seeds in there. 1.00

00:13:34.000 No, it's seedless.

00:13:35.000 Beautiful.

00:13:36.000 If bananas had seeds, they'd be bunk, man.

00:13:38.000 Fits in the mouth perfect.

00:13:40.000 I wonder if that dummy knows that we've actually, like, changed the shape of bananas.

00:13:44.000 Go look at a wild banana. 1.00

00:13:45.000 Those little scrubby-ass, bitch-ass bananas. 1.00

00:13:48.000 Those aren't like those dull bananas. 1.00

00:13:50.000 Those big Whopper bananas were like, jeez, those GMO bananas that you can hit now. 1.00

00:13:54.000 Yeah, they're just sprayed with steroids.

00:13:56.000 They're like a ten-year-old's arm. 1.00

00:13:58.000 Like, these GMO bananas are fucking ridiculous. 1.00

00:14:01.000 Yeah, the Brock Lesnar of bananas. 1.00

00:14:04.000 Yeah, tell that to Ray Comfort.

00:14:05.000 He doesn't understand agriculture. 1.00

00:14:08.000 Silly fuck. 1.00

00:14:09.000 The way Jesus made this banana is incredible, isn't it? 1.00

00:14:13.000 It's just such a strange argument.

00:14:15.000 But it's just- if that's what you want to believe, if you really want to believe that God designed a banana so perfectly to let you know that it's food, explain coconuts.

00:14:24.000 Coconuts are fucking awesome for you.

00:14:26.000 It's so hard to get to them. 1.00

00:14:28.000 You gotta chop through that husk and pull away all that bullshit that's on the outside. 1.00

00:14:32.000 Climb a huge tree first. 1.00

00:14:34.000 You gotta crack them open.

00:14:36.000 And then you gotta take the milk out and the meat.

00:14:39.000 And you gotta like scoop the meat of it up.

00:14:41.000 And if you want to get the oil, or you want to take all that coconut and turn it into coconut oil? 0.99

00:14:45.000 Oh, what a pain in the dick that's gonna be. 0.99

00:14:49.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:14:50.000 Have you seen certain foods that are going to get more and more expensive because of global warming and stuff like that?

00:14:56.000 The price of chocolate and the price of coffee is just going to go through the roof.

00:15:01.000 Pistachios, I guess, this year were on a shortage, so you're going to see pistachios double in price in the next couple months.

00:15:09.000 It's really weird what foods are on the endangered species list, almost.

00:15:13.000 Maybe we shouldn't live in a place that's really fucking hot right now when the earth is getting hotter.

00:15:19.000 Yeah. 0.98

00:15:20.000 I mean, what the fuck is LA going to be like? 0.99

00:15:22.000 LA's going to be like Phoenix, right? 0.99

00:15:24.000 Like Phoenix is like a bump hotter than LA. Definitely.

00:15:28.000 Wouldn't you say?

00:15:29.000 Yeah, a lot.

00:15:29.000 Yeah, like a bump.

00:15:30.000 A good solid bump.

00:15:32.000 But everything's shifted.

00:15:33.000 Earthquakes, hurricanes, everything's kind of like...

00:15:35.000 Oklahoma had an earthquake the other day.

00:15:37.000 Yeah, but that's because of fracking.

00:15:39.000 Yeah, that is no joke, man.

00:15:42.000 They're having so many earthquakes because of fracking.

00:15:45.000 I think Oklahoma just put a pause...

00:15:50.000 I don't know if it's a pause on drilling new wells or it's a pause on like it can't be a pause on operating the wells.

00:15:55.000 I think it is.

00:15:56.000 I think it's like 41 different fracking sites.

00:15:59.000 Oh really?

00:16:00.000 Well, let's find out what it is.

00:16:02.000 Young Jamie.

00:16:03.000 They're going crazy with fracking.

00:16:05.000 Ohio's been doing it and they've been getting earthquakes too.

00:16:07.000 Isn't it crazy?

00:16:08.000 It's like we get most of the oil now, I guess, from Earth here, from America?

00:16:13.000 Oklahoma ordered shut down of 37 wells after earthquake. 1.00

00:16:17.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

00:16:20.000 That's crazy. 1.00

00:16:21.000 Good lord.

00:16:23.000 And then there's been like the Iraqi... 1.00

00:16:25.000 Look how hot this girl is. 1.00

00:16:26.000 Yeah, it's so hot.

00:16:27.000 Telling you the news.

00:16:27.000 That's the new thing.

00:16:29.000 All newscasters are super hot.

00:16:30.000 CNN has this like supermodel lady. 1.00

00:16:34.000 She's beautiful.

00:16:35.000 Have you ever seen the Fox News girls?

00:16:36.000 They're all like seven feet tall blonde. 0.93

00:16:39.000 Let's not listen to her, but let's watch her face move.

00:16:42.000 Yeah, they're just getting the hottest women. 1.00

00:16:44.000 The Mexican weather girl with a butt. 1.00

00:16:46.000 Oh my god, I've seen that lady. 1.00

00:16:48.000 I love her. 0.98

00:16:49.000 That's ridiculous. 0.85

00:16:50.000 But that's kind of like a gimmick, right? 0.98

00:16:51.000 And that's Mexico.

00:16:52.000 This is CNN. They're just hiring the best looking people.

00:16:57.000 Yeah, you know there's a bunch of...

00:16:58.000 The super sexy, light-skinned black chick... 1.00

00:17:02.000 Beautiful lips.

00:17:03.000 And she's talking to this man, well, I believe in Jesus, and Jesus wants us to dig oil.

00:17:08.000 Look at my tie.

00:17:09.000 Look at my haircut.

00:17:10.000 It's conservative, as is my approach to language.

00:17:14.000 Ma'am, you won't hear me using any forbidden words.

00:17:17.000 You know, we need to keep the oil prices low.

00:17:21.000 The way to keep the oil prices low is to continue safe and ethical fracking.

00:17:26.000 And that's what we're going to do.

00:17:29.000 Meanwhile, get back to the hot chick. 0.99

00:17:31.000 Let me see her face.

00:17:33.000 You don't get to see it. 1.00

00:17:35.000 What the fuck are they doing? 0.99

00:17:36.000 Like all these shows like Fox News and all the- there's- There's gotta be something to like the fact that propaganda being delivered by someone who is so hot you just want to stare at them. 1.00

00:17:49.000 Oh yeah.

00:17:50.000 Like those Fox Ice Queens. 1.00

00:17:51.000 Totally.

00:17:52.000 There's a bunch of them that are just like, they're so hot.

00:17:55.000 You just want to look at their face.

00:17:56.000 Like little kids get compelled to look at pretty women's faces. 0.99

00:17:59.000 Oh yeah.

00:18:00.000 Fox News has a bunch of stuff strategically to keep you watching.

00:18:03.000 Like spinning things and it's all like, it's all mental.

00:18:06.000 Dude, we were watching once, and who was it? 0.99

00:18:08.000 Was it the Megyn Kelly lady that was crossing and uncrossing her legs like 30 fucking times? 1.00

00:18:14.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:18:14.000 And she's wearing this little skirt. 1.00

00:18:16.000 Fine, it might not have been her.

00:18:18.000 It might have been one of those other hotties. 0.99

00:18:19.000 That was hot.

00:18:19.000 One of those other Fox hotties.

00:18:21.000 But it was ridiculous, because she's wearing literally, like, she's got a napkin over her vagina. 1.00

00:18:25.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:18:25.000 It's a small napkin. 1.00

00:18:26.000 I mean, it's not as much of a skirt at all.

00:18:28.000 She has these super long legs and high heels on. 0.99

00:18:31.000 And she's doing...

00:18:33.000 Does she have a little bush? 1.00

00:18:34.000 Could you see her eye?

00:18:35.000 No, you don't get a chance to see.

00:18:36.000 She's very calculated.

00:18:39.000 Very calculated.

00:18:40.000 But if I was sitting with a dude who moved his legs that much, I'd be like, bro, are you okay? 1.00

00:18:45.000 Why do you keep crossing your legs like a fucking cricket? 0.99

00:18:47.000 You trying to sing me a song? 1.00

00:18:49.000 You see the girl that was twerking and her butt popped open in her underwear? 0.97

00:18:54.000 Yes, I did see that. 0.98

00:18:55.000 That was a good one.

00:18:56.000 Was that on Fox News?

00:18:58.000 I don't think that's related.

00:18:59.000 I don't think Brian watches Fox News.

00:19:01.000 They say Fox News is hurting.

00:19:03.000 That's what I keep hearing.

00:19:04.000 Fox News is hurting.

00:19:05.000 I watch Reuters.

00:19:06.000 And who was it that was saying that they had heard... 1.00

00:19:10.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:19:11.000 I'm trying to remember who was telling me this. 1.00

00:19:13.000 Me.

00:19:13.000 Was it you?

00:19:14.000 I think so, yeah.

00:19:15.000 Were you telling me the thing about Trump and a television network?

00:19:19.000 I was trying to remember where I heard it, and I think it was a radio show or something, but there's a lot of people he's at, like Sean Hannity, and I think the guy that's taking over his campaign that used to run Fox, are taking over his spot.

00:19:30.000 I don't know how they're going to transition if he loses, but that a Trump news channel is going to be started up next year, at the end of this year.

00:19:36.000 Trump news channel?

00:19:37.000 24-hour Trump news channel.

00:19:39.000 Here's what he does.

00:19:40.000 If he was smart, I mean, he's obviously smart, right?

00:19:44.000 He's obviously really good at making money. 0.99

00:19:46.000 He's obviously, whatever you can say about the outrageous shit that he says, that guy's ridiculously successful. 0.99

00:19:51.000 Ridiculously, right? 1.00

00:19:53.000 I mean, yeah, his dad gave him a big loan to start out with, but what the fuck ever. 0.98

00:19:57.000 At the end of the day, that guy's ridiculously successful. 0.99

00:20:01.000 If he wanted to open a television cable network and use that as a platform to set him up for four years from now, I don't like the kind of fucking shit that he would say about Hillary and other candidates that no one would have the balls to say. 0.99

00:20:18.000 He takes it to this non-political place. 0.99

00:20:21.000 You know, like he insults Hillary Clinton all the time.

00:20:24.000 He calls her Crooked Hillary. 0.61

00:20:26.000 Has there ever been two presidential candidates where one of them had nicknames for all the other people?

00:20:32.000 No, he's a genius.

00:20:33.000 He made fun of everybody.

00:20:35.000 Lying Ted.

00:20:37.000 And he keeps repeating it and it becomes like that's who she is.

00:20:41.000 That's Crooked Hillary. 1.00

00:20:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:20:42.000 It's fucking crazy. 1.00

00:20:44.000 It's amazing what he did. 1.00

00:20:45.000 If she just started calling him, like, Orange Donald or something, it'd be killer.

00:20:49.000 She could really fire back.

00:20:50.000 She needs a little, like, roast help. 1.00

00:20:52.000 Because he's digging in deep.

00:20:54.000 It's not just that.

00:20:55.000 There's an uncomfortable sound that she makes when she speaks, when she gives speeches.

00:21:01.000 They're not soothing, and they don't draw you in.

00:21:04.000 Like, as much as she is way more qualified to be a leader than he is, right, knows way more about foreign policy, knows way more about how Washington works, she's deep, right?

00:21:15.000 She'd be a way more qualified leader.

00:21:17.000 There's something about the quality of her voice. 1.00

00:21:20.000 She needs to drink some donkey cum. 1.00

00:21:22.000 Which, by the way, isn't that the Democratic... 1.00

00:21:25.000 If she wins, I think you're going to jail for that.

00:21:27.000 That's the Democratic...

00:21:29.000 I like her just because she at least has Bill.

00:21:32.000 But Bill's not Bill anymore, man.

00:21:35.000 He's Bill enough.

00:21:39.000 He's kind of the stand back and take naps in the background guy now.

00:21:42.000 Have you noticed that?

00:21:43.000 Yeah.

00:21:44.000 There was a speech he was giving and he was falling asleep in the middle of the speech.

00:21:48.000 And you know, he's just in really poor health apparently.

00:21:51.000 His body's just not doing so well. 0.99

00:21:53.000 That's what happens when the blowjobs stop. 1.00

00:21:55.000 Wow. 0.99

00:21:56.000 You can't have fun anymore.

00:21:57.000 You just can't help yourself.

00:22:00.000 I mean, it's true.

00:22:00.000 He was a machine back in the day.

00:22:02.000 He just came too much.

00:22:03.000 He's all dried out.

00:22:05.000 Hang on, Elvin Laird.

00:22:07.000 Just dried out.

00:22:09.000 Just shot so many loads.

00:22:10.000 Poor guy.

00:22:13.000 Well, he was a two-term president.

00:22:15.000 I wouldn't say poor guy.

00:22:17.000 He was the best.

00:22:17.000 Guy made a mad run for it.

00:22:20.000 I mean, regardless of all the dick pulling out and all that stuff, he's a madman. 1.00

00:22:25.000 What do you expect from a madman? 1.00

00:22:27.000 He's doing some madman type shit. 1.00

00:22:29.000 All I remember is everybody was taking vacations, owning houses, and gas prices were like 45 cents a gallon. 1.00

00:22:35.000 Right.

00:22:35.000 So, I mean, he should...

00:22:37.000 I don't know enough.

00:22:38.000 I don't know enough about the economic cycles, but I do know that the people that are smart that talk about it say that there's like these upturns and downturns that you can almost calculate.

00:22:48.000 They're just gonna happen.

00:22:50.000 We have a weird economy, and that these people that are the experts, they can kind of predict how things start happening, and deregulation moves things along a little bit, and this moves things along, tax incentives moves things along a little further, but then somewhere along the line,

00:23:06.000 the house of cards comes falling down.

00:23:08.000 They say the big one was the mortgage crisis of 2008. We avoided an even bigger one with the commercial real estate crisis.

00:23:19.000 They were saying that they were worried about that more than anything.

00:23:23.000 Because if you drive...

00:23:25.000 Down, like, any place in the valley.

00:23:27.000 Just go drive down the valley and look at all the buildings for sale.

00:23:30.000 Look at all the buildings for lease.

00:23:32.000 It's way more than you used to see.

00:23:35.000 Like, as you're driving down, you see available for lease, available, for sale, available, available, available. 0.98

00:23:42.000 You see available, like, all over the fucking place. 0.98

00:23:45.000 Like, that could fall apart too, man. 0.99

00:23:47.000 Apparently that's a big one. 0.99

00:23:49.000 Apparently there's like a lot of people that are like leveraging all these commercial properties and moving things around, selling things here, but there's a lot of vacant office shit. 0.96

00:23:59.000 Well, there's this whole flip your house movement, too. 0.95

00:24:03.000 And those channels.

00:24:04.000 When I'm at hotels and stuff, I end up sticking on it.

00:24:08.000 They're trying to convince everybody that they can just go buy a house and flip it and sell it.

00:24:12.000 Make money.

00:24:13.000 It's so easy.

00:24:14.000 Look, you just come in, tear down a wall, and then sell it for twice as much more.

00:24:18.000 Yeah, they're characters, too, right?

00:24:19.000 They're all like, I'm going to do my own grout. 0.99

00:24:21.000 And out there laying tiles and shit. 0.99

00:24:23.000 Right. 0.99

00:24:24.000 And they edit it down to make it look like it took 12 seconds on a TV. Yeah.

00:24:28.000 This Old House, remember that?

00:24:29.000 That was one of my favorite shows growing up with Bob Vila.

00:24:33.000 And that's pretty much the original Flipping House show, but they made it a whole story almost.

00:24:37.000 It went on for days.

00:24:38.000 What happened to Bob Vila?

00:24:41.000 Is he alive?

00:24:42.000 That's a good question.

00:24:43.000 That is a good question.

00:24:44.000 I forgot about him.

00:24:45.000 That guy was huge.

00:24:45.000 Me too.

00:24:46.000 He was a hero.

00:24:47.000 Yeah, this old house was like a giant show, right?

00:24:51.000 Well, at least it was for me growing up because we watched it every day.

00:24:54.000 That and the Antique Roadshow is another one that I just love on PBS. It was for me too.

00:24:58.000 He's still rocking.

00:24:59.000 That might not be real.

00:25:00.000 One million followers.

00:25:01.000 It is.

00:25:01.000 Look at him.

00:25:02.000 Verified. 1.00

00:25:02.000 Handsome bastard. 1.00

00:25:03.000 He looks exactly the same. 1.00

00:25:04.000 Cleaner AC coils mean higher efficiency and lower energy bills.

00:25:08.000 How clean are yours? 1.00

00:25:09.000 I just had that one of those air conditionings, fuck me for life. 1.00

00:25:12.000 Fucked you? 1.00

00:25:13.000 Yeah, because it has like a drain and it's supposed to be tilted a little so it could drip out. 1.00

00:25:18.000 Mine was dripping the other way.

00:25:19.000 Like I didn't even know it was going underneath my carpet.

00:25:21.000 So now it got underneath to my wood floors and now there's big buckles.

00:25:26.000 So when you walk, it's like speed bumps underneath my carpet.

00:25:29.000 And there's probably black mold in there and probably gonna die.

00:25:33.000 Is that how black mold is from that, right?

00:25:35.000 Like water?

00:25:36.000 It's from moisture.

00:25:37.000 Yeah, from water damage.

00:25:38.000 But it has to be present.

00:25:40.000 You know, it has to be present and then it can grow.

00:25:42.000 Like, I know, well, Tom Likas was a big one because he would talk about it on television.

00:25:47.000 Or on the radio, rather.

00:25:49.000 Like, his whole house had to be gutted.

00:25:51.000 Like, down to the studs. 1.00

00:25:52.000 Shit. 1.00

00:25:52.000 That was in Hollywood. 1.00

00:25:54.000 He's feeling like shit for years. 1.00

00:25:56.000 Just like, just health was poor, just really didn't have any energy, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. 1.00

00:26:02.000 And they brought in a black mold specialist and they're like, dude, your fucking house is infected. 0.99

00:26:08.000 So he's breathing in all these spores. 0.99

00:26:12.000 These black mold spores just being poisoned all the time.

00:26:15.000 Do they have home tests for that?

00:26:16.000 I bet you anything I have so much black mold.

00:26:18.000 Black mold matters. 1.00

00:26:19.000 You fucking son of a bitch. 1.00

00:26:23.000 You son of a bitch. 1.00

00:26:27.000 Gotta keep an eye on it. 1.00

00:26:28.000 You can't help the jokes.

00:26:30.000 They come.

00:26:30.000 They just come.

00:26:32.000 Yeah, man, I think they do a lot of testing for it.

00:26:35.000 You should probably get it checked out.

00:26:37.000 Some people have it, man.

00:26:38.000 Do you ever see one of Jim Norton?

00:26:40.000 Jim Norton, was it Jim and Bobby?

00:26:42.000 Jim and Bobby Kelly lived in an apartment, and they had black mold on the wall so bad that you would take the picture off the wall, and it was just like you could see it all over behind the picture.

00:26:52.000 It's probably not.

00:26:53.000 Is it as common, though, in Los Angeles, since we're a desert and everything's dry, you know?

00:26:58.000 That's a good question. 0.98

00:26:58.000 I think if there's water, like if you have water damage, like say if you have a leaky pipe or something like that for long periods of time, see that shit dripping down? 0.98

00:27:06.000 That's black mold juice. 0.92

00:27:08.000 Those lines.

00:27:09.000 Oh my god.

00:27:09.000 Now watch, they pick up the, uh, it's, um, Cribs.

00:27:13.000 Jim Norton is, uh, if you want to find it.

00:27:16.000 That's the video. 0.97

00:27:17.000 And they say, brace yourself, so they push it aside, and the fucking wall is just covered with black mold behind the photo. 0.98

00:27:24.000 I mean, like, someone spray-painted all over it. 0.98

00:27:27.000 You need a priest to come in and give an exorcist to your house.

00:27:30.000 How did it happen, though?

00:27:32.000 Like, what was leaking?

00:27:33.000 They're slobs. 1.00

00:27:34.000 They're fucking slobs. 1.00

00:27:35.000 Who knows? 1.00

00:27:35.000 Somebody might have come on that picture. 1.00

00:27:37.000 You know, it's Jim Norton.

00:27:39.000 Who the hell knows? 1.00

00:27:39.000 He's a savage. 1.00

00:27:40.000 Look at him. 0.99

00:27:41.000 Oh my God.

00:27:42.000 He's playing chess, listening to CDs.

00:27:43.000 CDs.

00:27:43.000 That's pretty much your apartment, Red Band.

00:27:46.000 Yeah, it looks like my apartment.

00:27:47.000 Every comedian's apartment.

00:27:49.000 Pretty much every comedian. 1.00

00:27:51.000 Ridiculous people. 1.00

00:27:52.000 Yeah, that black mold's no joke. 1.00

00:27:54.000 Don't get it in your life, Tony Hinchglove.

00:27:56.000 I keep an eye on all the black mold.

00:28:00.000 Yeah, it's, um, I don't think, is there more than one variety of black mold?

00:28:04.000 I don't know.

00:28:05.000 And does it have to be, like, water damage for a long time?

00:28:07.000 Because I'm sure if it's underneath my carpet, it probably dried out, you know, if I caught it.

00:28:11.000 Yeah, could be.

00:28:12.000 Could be.

00:28:13.000 I don't know enough.

00:28:14.000 I don't know enough.

00:28:15.000 You know, I know that mold and spores thrive in moist conditions, you know, like the forest.

00:28:21.000 Yeah.

00:28:21.000 But I have no idea, man.

00:28:23.000 That's creepy stuff.

00:28:24.000 That's creepy.

00:28:26.000 Yeah, fungus and mold and shit like that, it's just so weird.

00:28:30.000 There's like these life forms that live on life forms, you know?

00:28:34.000 They're like, you leave a pair, leave it sitting around somewhere and forget about it, come back in a couple of days, and it's got this little green civilization growing on it.

00:28:43.000 Like, who are you?

00:28:44.000 Where'd you guys come from?

00:28:46.000 Like, what are you doing here?

00:28:47.000 Unlike the banana, which has a skin that protects it from these things, because Jesus loves bananas.

00:28:53.000 You gave him a southern accent, even though he's from New Zealand.

00:28:55.000 Interesting.

00:28:56.000 It's an interesting choice.

00:28:59.000 I ate a bunch of mold the other day.

00:29:00.000 It was late at night and we bought strawberries.

00:29:04.000 Underneath the strawberry was green and stuff.

00:29:05.000 I had no idea because it was dark.

00:29:07.000 I was eating strawberries and the next day I go in to get some more and I'm like, they're all moldy.

00:29:12.000 I'm like, was I eating moldy?

00:29:14.000 Yeah, I was.

00:29:15.000 You were eating moldy strawberries in the dark?

00:29:17.000 Yeah.

00:29:19.000 It's probably not even that bad for you.

00:29:20.000 It's probably just all in your head.

00:29:22.000 I mean, otherwise people would be dying left and right, right?

00:29:25.000 Right, right.

00:29:25.000 Because everybody eats strawberries and doesn't pay attention.

00:29:28.000 Or blueberries. 0.99

00:29:30.000 Blueberries, they always have fucking mold on them. 0.99

00:29:32.000 Cheese. 0.99

00:29:32.000 Sometimes blueberries have mold, like, right when you buy them. 0.99

00:29:35.000 Like, you buy them and bring them home. 0.99

00:29:36.000 You're like, fuck, you're already moldy? 1.00

00:29:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:29:38.000 Trader Joe's. 1.00

00:29:39.000 A lot of times cheese, too.

00:29:40.000 Like, you'll eat a slice of cheese and now you don't realize half of it's white and green.

00:29:44.000 Mmm.

00:29:45.000 Well, some cheese is supposed to be that way.

00:29:46.000 No, that's just you, Brian.

00:29:48.000 Nobody else is eating green cheese.

00:29:50.000 Well, where are you leaving your cheese?

00:29:52.000 I remember my mom would always say, just pull off the mold part and just, you know, it's still good.

00:29:56.000 I wonder if that's true.

00:29:58.000 You ever pull a piece of cheese out of the glove compartment and it's green, you're eating it?

00:30:02.000 I just don't think that the kind of mold that we're talking about is toxic.

00:30:06.000 I just bet it's not.

00:30:07.000 Like, Jamie, look up mold on strawberries.

00:30:10.000 Is it okay to eat moldy food?

00:30:14.000 What does it say?

00:30:16.000 May have invisible bacteria along with the mold.

00:30:18.000 Yes, some molds cause allergic reactions, respiratory problems, and a few molds in the right conditions produce mycotoxins, poisonous substances that can make you sick.

00:30:27.000 Yeah.

00:30:28.000 Huh.

00:30:30.000 Okay, just Google strawberries.

00:30:32.000 Moldy strawberries.

00:30:33.000 Can you eat moldy strawberries?

00:30:34.000 Oh, God.

00:30:36.000 Google, can Brian Redman eat moldy strawberries?

00:30:38.000 So you've done something like this before, like your fruit had mold, and it's just like, I just bought this also.

00:30:43.000 So have you ate mold also, Joe?

00:30:46.000 Um, sure I have.

00:30:48.000 Quick answer.

00:30:48.000 The most likely result of eating moldy fruit is absolutely nothing unless the person eating the mold is allergic.

00:30:54.000 However, while the majority of molds are not dangerous, moldy fruit is more likely to be spoiled and spoiled fruit may cause illness.

00:31:01.000 Because mold may form on fruit without the fruit spoiling, simply cutting the moldy area off is also a solution.

00:31:22.000 I've always been scared of mold.

00:31:25.000 Well, fungus in general is a freaky, freaky organism because it's not really a plant.

00:31:31.000 A fungus actually breathes in oxygen and breathes out carbon dioxide.

00:31:36.000 And they say it's closer to an animal than it is to a plant in like what it is, like what kind of a being it is.

00:31:44.000 Very, very bizarre.

00:31:45.000 Well, what magic mushrooms does to the brain, I mean, there's definitely some stuff going on there.

00:31:50.000 That's crazy.

00:31:52.000 Yeah, that feels like you're communicating with like...

00:31:56.000 It's like you tap in through this organism to this matrix of like...

00:32:02.000 Not just like plant intelligence, but the intelligence of the actual Earth itself.

00:32:08.000 It feels almost like you're being transmitted in a way where you can now understand all these things that are around you all the time, but they're muted because you just lack the ability to perceive them.

00:32:19.000 Like the Earth itself, like we walk around and we're like, wow, it's so pretty today.

00:32:23.000 But you don't really feel what the Earth is.

00:32:28.000 The way you feel it when you're on mushrooms.

00:32:30.000 When you're on mushrooms, you feel the actual grass as like a type of an organism.

00:32:35.000 There's a thing like this.

00:32:36.000 The grass, it stops being like a couple of leaves and some dirt and some water.

00:32:42.000 And then it becomes instead this feeling like you're connected to this almost like...

00:32:50.000 Like a circuit, you know, like a biological circuit.

00:32:54.000 That's what like a beautiful, thick lawn feels like when you're on mushrooms.

00:32:59.000 Like when you're standing in it, you feel like you're connected to this very strange life form.

00:33:03.000 And that is what it is.

00:33:05.000 I mean, that's not even a hallucinatory sort of feeling.

00:33:09.000 But I think pretty much everybody that does any sort of psychedelic, plant-based psychedelic, like mushrooms, animal-based, whatever you want to call it, fungus-based...

00:33:19.000 You reach these weird places where you go, okay, am I talking to that thing?

00:33:24.000 Did I eat that thing?

00:33:25.000 That thing's talking to me now?

00:33:27.000 Is it communicating with me through me digesting it?

00:33:30.000 Is that what's happening?

00:33:32.000 Does it let me go into some strange dimension when I eat it?

00:33:35.000 It is amazing.

00:33:36.000 I miss this year's Shroom Fest.

00:33:38.000 That's normally the one time a year where I do it.

00:33:40.000 We go out in the desert, but I was on the road or something.

00:33:44.000 And I miss it, man.

00:33:45.000 I'm overdue for one.

00:33:46.000 It's like you'll be so connected to the universe and you feel it and you just try to remember what happened.

00:33:52.000 You try to stay in that, but it goes away.

00:33:55.000 And it's amazing because you're out in the desert, or at least that's where I normally do it, and you're looking at the rocks and the moon and the stars are just beaming out there.

00:34:05.000 And you'll feel, you know, as lost in the universe as ever.

00:34:09.000 And then all of a sudden you'll hear like one of your buddies fart.

00:34:11.000 You'll come back and laugh for 20 minutes straight about it.

00:34:16.000 Yeah, it's a very strange life form.

00:34:20.000 Very strange thing that you take into your body that does that.

00:34:24.000 There's a gang of them, too.

00:34:25.000 It's just so weird.

00:34:26.000 So, I don't, you know, I really don't know what's going on with that.

00:34:29.000 Isn't it crazy that it comes from cow poop?

00:34:32.000 Yeah, well, that's where it grows.

00:34:34.000 It doesn't really come from it, but it grows really good on it.

00:34:38.000 Because the stomach of a cow, I guess, the double unulate, you know, they make that stuff, that manure.

00:34:45.000 It's just so rich for things to grow in it.

00:34:47.000 So rich.

00:34:48.000 Did I do the thing with my finger?

00:34:50.000 It's a spicy meatball. 0.99

00:34:52.000 This is the kind of fucking manure that you're gonna need to grow these mushrooms. 1.00

00:34:57.000 This is the manure. 1.00

00:34:58.000 These cows are just eating alfalfa all day. 0.94

00:35:02.000 Alfalfa.

00:35:02.000 It's delicious.

00:35:05.000 Mushrooms just grow.

00:35:06.000 When Duncan went to school, Duncan went to school in super hippyville. 0.98

00:35:10.000 He grew up in Asheville, North Carolina, which is a fucking great town.

00:35:16.000 Have you ever worked Asheville? 0.99

00:35:18.000 You gotta come with me to Asheville. 1.00

00:35:20.000 Asheville's fucking... 0.98

00:35:22.000 I almost don't want to tell people about it because I don't want people moving there and ruining it. 0.99

00:35:26.000 Because it's like you could walk around.

00:35:29.000 Like it's a small town. 0.99

00:35:31.000 But the people are cool as fuck. 0.98

00:35:33.000 And it's like a part of the community of the college, of the university. 0.99

00:35:37.000 And the university is super lefty.

00:35:39.000 Super lefty, like super hippies. 1.00

00:35:42.000 All like Duncans. 0.99

00:35:43.000 Living up there in the mountains of North Carolina in some of the most beautiful landscape you're ever going to see in your life.

00:35:50.000 Just out and out.

00:35:52.000 Amazing scenery.

00:35:53.000 Incredible scenery.

00:35:56.000 I love that there's still places like that.

00:35:59.000 Yeah.

00:35:59.000 Like, it's crazy.

00:36:00.000 Like, my buddy Little Landy with the glasses, he's from South Carolina, and he went home to visit his family, and he's walking around the park with his mom, and Bill Murray's just sitting on a bench.

00:36:12.000 Where was he?

00:36:13.000 Just chilling.

00:36:13.000 Wherever in South Carolina where Bill Murray lives, that's where he's from, too.

00:36:17.000 I thought Bill Murray lived in, like, the upper...

00:36:22.000 On the East River or one of the rivers, he lives like upstate New York.

00:36:28.000 There was a whole Anthony Bourdain episode about it. 0.94

00:36:31.000 He lives like way the fuck up there, up a river. 0.96

00:36:32.000 Maybe he was just hanging out in this place. 0.99

00:36:34.000 Maybe he lives in a bunch of places.

00:36:35.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:36:36.000 He's just a baller.

00:36:37.000 Yeah.

00:36:37.000 Bill Murray Anthony.

00:36:38.000 Oh, Beauty of Charleston, South Carolina.

00:36:40.000 Oh, you know what?

00:36:41.000 That's right.

00:36:42.000 This was the new episode that he did.

00:36:44.000 He moved to a new place.

00:36:46.000 And Bill Murray does not have a girlfriend.

00:36:48.000 He's like, this dude, he's like, yeah, I'll just be by myself.

00:36:51.000 Just leave me alone, please.

00:36:52.000 I'm just gonna go have my life.

00:36:53.000 He did this interview about it where he's talking about it.

00:36:56.000 He's like, I'm not really interested in all that goes along with that.

00:36:59.000 He did it, man.

00:37:00.000 He's the coolest ever.

00:37:02.000 He's a great, great representative of cool.

00:37:05.000 The leader of the real Ghostbusters.

00:37:09.000 They killed him in the new movie.

00:37:10.000 What?

00:37:12.000 The new Ghostbusters movie.

00:37:13.000 They kill Bill Murray.

00:37:14.000 Oh, well. 1.00

00:37:15.000 They can go kill themselves because I'm never watching a garbage pile. 1.00

00:37:18.000 He's a bad guy. 1.00

00:37:19.000 I didn't know.

00:37:20.000 Really? 0.98

00:37:20.000 They kill him. 0.98

00:37:22.000 He's a skeptic.

00:37:24.000 It's like the whole thing.

00:37:25.000 It's very, very what?

00:37:28.000 That's what it's like.

00:37:29.000 It's like, what?

00:37:30.000 My point was about Asheville, is that there were so many kids getting high off mushrooms, off of these cows, because they're up in this farm area, and it's raining all the time. 0.99

00:37:39.000 Everything's wet as fuck. 0.98

00:37:41.000 It's lush and green. 0.99

00:37:43.000 And these mushrooms just grew like weeds everywhere.

00:37:46.000 And it was so bad that they had to give the cows food, special food that made their manure so that the mushrooms, if they did grow in them, they wouldn't be potent.

00:38:01.000 They wouldn't work.

00:38:02.000 I remember when we were in college, we'd go to certain places and get trash bags worth of mushrooms because some areas, just because of the weather and the farms and stuff like that, it just grew mushrooms like crazy.

00:38:14.000 You've got to be so careful, though, with mushrooms, like what you're taking.

00:38:18.000 Like, if you think it's one kind of mushroom, but it's another kind of mushroom, there's some mushrooms that'll kill you in seconds.

00:38:25.000 That happened recently on this old folks' home.

00:38:28.000 These old folks were hanging out and this lady went out and gathered up some mushrooms. 1.00

00:38:33.000 She's probably out of her fucking head on... 0.99

00:38:35.000 You know, what kind of Alzheimer's medicine or anything they give them. 1.00

00:38:39.000 Like, when you're in old folks' homes, dude, they will throw some pills down your throat. 1.00

00:38:43.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:38:44.000 Like, you get to choose how fucked up you want to be all day. 0.99

00:38:47.000 And so this lady's out there picking mushrooms and just got a gang of poison ones, cooked them all up for everybody. 1.00

00:38:54.000 Everybody died.

00:38:55.000 Wow.

00:38:55.000 Yeah.

00:38:56.000 Whoa.

00:38:57.000 She cooked them at the old folks' home, brought them back?

00:38:59.000 Yeah.

00:39:00.000 She cooked them for the old folks at the old folks' home, just whacked the whole crew. 1.00

00:39:04.000 Yeah.

00:39:05.000 I don't remember how many people died, but it was more than one.

00:39:09.000 Did you hear about all those people dying from heroin?

00:39:10.000 Two elderly women die, four people sickened after eating wild mushrooms. 1.00

00:39:15.000 Yeah, so crazy shit. 0.99

00:39:17.000 Did you hear about all those people dying from heroin overdoses because there was a bad batch of heroin in like Ohio or something? 1.00

00:39:23.000 And like 41 people have overdosed on like the same heroin or something.

00:39:27.000 I did hear about that.

00:39:28.000 I did hear about that.

00:39:30.000 Did you hear about that?

00:39:31.000 How do you say that stuff?

00:39:33.000 Kratom?

00:39:33.000 How do you say it?

00:39:34.000 Kratom?

00:39:35.000 K-R-A-T-O-M? How do you say it?

00:39:42.000 I don't know how to say it.

00:39:43.000 I've never said it, but I've read about it a lot.

00:39:46.000 And it's a plant that helps people overcome opiate addiction, apparently.

00:39:52.000 And the FDA just moved it to Schedule 1, or they're going to move it to Schedule 1, or the DEA, I should say.

00:39:58.000 I guess it's the DEA, right?

00:40:00.000 But it's a plant.

00:40:03.000 And apparently it helps a lot of people that have heroin addiction problems and opiate addiction problems.

00:40:08.000 And even some people said it helps with marijuana, not marijuana, but alcohol withdrawals.

00:40:14.000 People are alcoholics and they try to break free and get sober.

00:40:18.000 This stuff can help with that too.

00:40:19.000 I don't know enough about it.

00:40:22.000 I'm gonna have someone on to talk about it, but there's no need to make anything else illegal.

00:40:27.000 This thing where they're doing, what they're doing is they're behaving like an archaic society.

00:40:33.000 They're not behaving like America 2016. They're behaving like the people who enacted the very first sweeping Psychedelic laws of 1970. They're behaving like they behaved.

00:40:46.000 If you've got this plant, this kratom or however you say it, and it doesn't have any history of people dropping dead from it.

00:40:53.000 It's not like some threat to the communities.

00:40:56.000 It's not like this terror that's sweeping the streets and it's ruining lives.

00:41:01.000 You're not hearing that.

00:41:02.000 All I'm hearing is it helps people with heroin addiction.

00:41:05.000 We all know how many people are addicted to heroin.

00:41:08.000 So the fact that they just want to step in and immediately not just make this like a Schedule 2 or a Schedule 3 or have some scientists come in and testify about it and have some sort of public hearings where they discuss the merits of keeping this drug legal and should this be regulated?

00:41:23.000 Should it be prescribed by doctors? 0.94

00:41:24.000 Like reasonable adults would do if they actually gave a fuck about each other. 1.00

00:41:28.000 But instead, they have these fucking ridiculous amounts of power. 0.99

00:41:35.000 Where they could just step in and just make things illegal. 0.99

00:41:39.000 They have a ridiculous amount of power when it comes to legislating what we can and can't do with our bodies. 0.61

00:41:45.000 This is not something anybody's voting on, this Kratom stuff.

00:41:48.000 So for the DEA to just step in and make that Schedule I... It's blasphemy.

00:41:54.000 What they're doing is such an abuse of the function of the office.

00:41:59.000 The idea of the office is you're supposed to be protecting people.

00:42:02.000 Protect people from meth. 0.99

00:42:03.000 Protect people from bad shit. 0.99

00:42:05.000 Don't let people come home to find their children that have overdosed because someone gave them bath salts. 0.99

00:42:12.000 That's what everybody wants from something like the DEA. But they're so far-reaching.

00:42:18.000 With their efforts that they step into all these areas where we know you're full of shit now. 0.99

00:42:23.000 You step into these areas like marijuana. 0.99

00:42:25.000 Are you gonna save people from pot?

00:42:28.000 Congratulations! 1.00

00:42:29.000 You fucking cock blocker! 1.00

00:42:31.000 What are you gonna do? 1.00

00:42:32.000 You gonna save people from giggling or eating yummy food or having a good time with their friends?

00:42:37.000 What are you stopping?

00:42:39.000 This is not anything that we should ever ask for from our leaders, in quotes, and definitely not anything we should ever tolerate for no reason whatsoever.

00:42:49.000 There's no reason whatsoever why they would keep marijuana illegal.

00:42:53.000 There's no reason whatsoever why they'd make this Kratom stuff Schedule 1. There's no fucking reason. 0.99

00:42:58.000 It's money. 1.00

00:42:58.000 It's a sure sign that it's a corrupt system. 1.00

00:43:02.000 And if the Kratom stuff helps with alcohol withdrawals, then you've got to know that these big, you know, Why wouldn't they pitch them some money to be like, hey, let's keep people drinking?

00:43:15.000 Even if they didn't do it blatantly, even if they didn't do it blatantly, if they're entangled with each other, you can best believe that if you are entangled with some sort of an alcohol company, you're going to do your best to maximize the profits of that alcohol company.

00:43:31.000 It's just the way it is.

00:43:32.000 If you're entangled with some donor to some political campaign or some foundation that you run, and they give millions of dollars, you guys have a little agreement going on there.

00:43:44.000 You don't have to even say it.

00:43:45.000 You don't have to have it written down. 1.00

00:43:47.000 You don't have to be stupid about it. 0.99

00:43:48.000 But it's pretty obvious if someone gives you millions of bucks, you guys are doing business. 0.99

00:43:55.000 Something's happening here.

00:43:57.000 You're going to do nice things for each other now. 0.99

00:44:00.000 And that's where a lot of this shit comes from. 0.99

00:44:03.000 The fact that we, the people, the people that are supposed to be represented by these clowns, can sit back and just be frustrated and not do anything. 0.99

00:44:14.000 We can vote for it when it comes up in our states, but federally, it's a giant issue federally. 0.84

00:44:20.000 Federally is the real problem. 0.96

00:44:21.000 Because there's a bunch of states now that made it legal, including Washington fucking D.C. There's a bunch of states that have made pot legal.

00:44:28.000 They're like, look, it's ridiculous.

00:44:30.000 The science doesn't fit.

00:44:31.000 And then they start taxing it.

00:44:33.000 And then they make unbelievable amounts of money.

00:44:34.000 And then they have massive resurgences in their economy, like you're seeing in Colorado.

00:44:38.000 And now you're seeing in Seattle and Washington State as well.

00:44:42.000 What they're doing is they're being tyrannical.

00:44:46.000 This is not reasonable people acting in a reasonable way.

00:44:50.000 They're locking people up.

00:44:53.000 For a long time.

00:44:54.000 Oh my god. 0.99

00:44:55.000 There was this fucking thing the other day where they were comparing that kid who raped the girl in what university was that? 1.00

00:45:01.000 Who's got a ridiculously short amount of time. 0.99

00:45:04.000 What's that?

00:45:05.000 You don't have a mic on.

00:45:07.000 Stanford.

00:45:08.000 Is that what it is?

00:45:09.000 Yeah.

00:45:09.000 That guy.

00:45:10.000 So they compared that guy to some poor bastard that... 0.99

00:45:15.000 Oh my god, I think he got 30 years for growing pot. 0.99

00:45:20.000 Yeah.

00:45:20.000 Did you see that picture?

00:45:22.000 Did you see it?

00:45:23.000 Dude.

00:45:24.000 I think it was even longer than 30 years.

00:45:26.000 Man, it might have been.

00:45:27.000 It might have been like 30 to life or something. 0.90

00:45:29.000 But it's just the idea that you would lock that guy away for that long for something so fucking innocuous.

00:45:35.000 Well, don't break the law.

00:45:36.000 Well, don't break the law.

00:45:38.000 It's real simple.

00:45:38.000 We got a law, and you don't want to break it.

00:45:41.000 Okay?

00:45:42.000 You take your consequences.

00:45:43.000 We're adults here.

00:45:45.000 We're all adults. 1.00

00:45:45.000 These laws are stupid. 1.00

00:45:46.000 We're being handicapped by these ancient systems. 1.00

00:45:49.000 These ancient systems of control.

00:45:51.000 They're not valid anymore.

00:45:53.000 You can't just lock people up for pot. 1.00

00:45:55.000 It's stupid. 1.00

00:45:56.000 Here it is. 1.00

00:45:58.000 Lee Carol Brooker, a 75-year-old veteran, served at a life sentence in prison without parole for being caught growing three dozen marijuana plants behind my son's house.

00:46:08.000 Wow.

00:46:08.000 Oh my God.

00:46:09.000 And it says, Hi, I'm Brock Turner, 20-year-old who raped a woman on campus.

00:46:13.000 I just got six months in prison.

00:46:15.000 I'm also promised that with good behavior that would be cut down to three months.

00:46:19.000 Jesus Christ.

00:46:21.000 Wow.

00:46:21.000 Yeah, he's already out.

00:46:22.000 Yeah.

00:46:23.000 And there's like armed protesters outside of his house.

00:46:25.000 Oh my god.

00:46:27.000 Oh my god. 1.00

00:46:28.000 Rape before joints, guys. 1.00

00:46:30.000 Yeah. 0.96

00:46:31.000 That's just crazy. 0.99

00:46:32.000 If you're gonna rape a girl, don't do it on a pile of marijuana plants. 0.99

00:46:36.000 That's what we learned here. 0.99

00:46:38.000 That'd be a good pardon.

00:46:39.000 Life plus three months.

00:46:42.000 That'd be a good pardon from Obama, I think.

00:46:45.000 That guy, yes, but can Obama, like, reverse a sentence and put that kid back in jail?

00:46:50.000 Put the rapist back in jail?

00:46:51.000 Yeah.

00:46:52.000 Did he admit to doing it?

00:46:55.000 I don't know.

00:46:56.000 I think they, didn't they?

00:46:57.000 It was one of those things, I think, where, like, she got drunk, she fell asleep.

00:47:02.000 And he banged her while she was out cold.

00:47:03.000 Yeah, I think so.

00:47:04.000 Was it behind a dumpster, though?

00:47:05.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

00:47:06.000 Oh, that's the one, right?

00:47:08.000 Yeah.

00:47:08.000 Ugh.

00:47:09.000 God.

00:47:10.000 I passed out behind a dumpster. 1.00

00:47:12.000 God damn, man. 0.99

00:47:13.000 Yeah, I've, like, heard of that, but I've never actually, you know, I didn't realize people actually could pass out behind a dumpster. 1.00

00:47:19.000 I've never been that drunk to where that's where I would lay down. 0.75

00:47:22.000 I fucked by a dumpster, but never slept there. 1.00

00:47:25.000 You fucked by a dumpster? 1.00

00:47:26.000 Look at all that dumpster grease on the ground? 1.00

00:47:27.000 No, I put pizza boxes down.

00:47:30.000 Oh my god, what a classy girl you must have been with. 0.99

00:47:33.000 I told you about this and the guy came out and he caught us having sex and he's like, oh, he got nervous.

00:47:37.000 He's like, do you guys want some pizza?

00:47:39.000 Because he thought we were homeless.

00:47:41.000 Homeless people bang too. 0.93

00:47:42.000 Homeless people bang on pizza boxes next to dumpsters. 0.85

00:47:46.000 That's pretty much it.

00:47:47.000 There's this homeless guy that lives on the bench outside my Starbucks and he has gangrene or diabetes or something so bad that his legs are just like purple and black and I was behind him in Starbucks walking in and every time he took a step like this open sore would just like squirt blood on the floor of Starbucks.

00:48:06.000 It was the grossest thing in the world.

00:48:09.000 What did he get to drink?

00:48:10.000 I don't know, two waters.

00:48:11.000 He was taking a bath or something.

00:48:14.000 Yeah, that's a problem if you're running a business and that guy walks in.

00:48:18.000 What do you do?

00:48:19.000 They're super nice to him, too, because he's there every day just sleeping on the bench.

00:48:23.000 The homeless thing is weird, right?

00:48:25.000 Because those are people.

00:48:26.000 They are people. 1.00

00:48:27.000 But, goddamn, they stink. 1.00

00:48:30.000 And they're around you, they're reaching their hands out. 1.00

00:48:33.000 If you run into one of them kooky homeless people that doesn't bathe ever, and they have those dirty caked feet and they're wandering around, what I see is a mentally ill person.

00:48:44.000 What I see is a failure of the healthcare system. 0.66

00:48:47.000 How do you just let this person wander around like this? 1.00

00:48:50.000 They're having conversations with themselves and rummaging through their fucking shopping cart. 1.00

00:48:54.000 It's a very serious problem in LA. The other day I saw something gross right in my neighborhood too, like right at my intersection. 1.00

00:49:02.000 I saw a homeless lady sitting on a bus bench, and it looked like she was wiggling her pants down a little bit, and she did, and she's just sitting on the bench, and you know, it has like those grates, it's not just like a solid bench, it goes through.

00:49:15.000 And she peed. 0.99

00:49:17.000 Right through?

00:49:17.000 Right through the grates, like it was nothing.

00:49:19.000 Oh Christ. 0.69

00:49:19.000 Just pee flying out of her. 0.69

00:49:21.000 Oh my God.

00:49:22.000 And I couldn't stop watching.

00:49:24.000 I mean, all of a sudden, I'm just like, you know, amazing because you're looking at the amount of pee that's coming out of this human being.

00:49:33.000 It's just sad because we just leave those people out there.

00:49:36.000 And I think this guy's a vet.

00:49:37.000 Like, that's what's even crazier, that he fought for us and now he can't get, like, medical attention for free.

00:49:43.000 Well, it's also, some of them, you have to think, probably just left.

00:49:48.000 Like, they didn't want to deal with the healthcare system.

00:49:50.000 They didn't want to be medicated all the time.

00:49:52.000 They didn't want to stay in a loony bin.

00:49:54.000 But then there was, like, Reagan.

00:49:56.000 During the Reagan administration, they let them loose on the streets like zombies.

00:49:59.000 They changed the, uh, whatever the standard of treatment. 0.57

00:50:03.000 Like, you know, you had to treat someone if they were X amount of crazy. 1.00

00:50:06.000 They're like, oh, you're on your own, crazy fucks! 1.00

00:50:08.000 And they just pushed them out into the street. 1.00

00:50:10.000 And there was just like, influx of homeless people.

00:50:12.000 You'd find them all over the East Coast.

00:50:14.000 It was, it was real weird.

00:50:15.000 It was a big problem.

00:50:17.000 I remember that, like, in, I think, San Francisco, it was a big deal up there.

00:50:21.000 It's a real big deal in places like Boston.

00:50:24.000 That's where homelessness is a big deal. 0.99

00:50:26.000 Because when they're out there, they can fucking freeze solid. 0.99

00:50:29.000 Like, you can die out there. 0.99

00:50:32.000 I was with Jeff Ross when he taped his special, uh, Roast the Police, where we did, like, ride-alongs with the Boston Police Department during the winter, and these cops, they know all the homeless people, every single one of them,

00:50:48.000 and they show genuine concern and, like, you know...

00:50:51.000 We're good to go.

00:51:12.000 Tell homeless people to get to the shelter.

00:51:15.000 They're just gonna freeze.

00:51:16.000 It's pretty much what Boston cops are doing during the winter unless there's a crazy call.

00:51:20.000 It's just a such a sad aspect of our society like the people that are just it's just for whatever reason whether it's a mental issue just doesn't click there's just something that's not clicking in there right and then just wandering around through the streets and there's no one with them.

00:51:36.000 You know?

00:51:37.000 And they're just living in this strange life.

00:51:38.000 I always wonder, like, what is reality to those people?

00:51:42.000 I was just gonna say, I always wonder what they're thinking.

00:51:45.000 Like, sometimes it seems like they're having so much fun.

00:51:47.000 Do you remember that Robin Williams movie?

00:51:50.000 Robin Williams played a crazy homeless guy that lived in Central Park and used to think he was a knight or something like that.

00:51:57.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

00:51:57.000 What the fuck was that movie? 0.99

00:52:00.000 It was like a mental illness movie. 1.00

00:52:02.000 It was a movie about, uh...

00:52:03.000 The Fisher King.

00:52:04.000 The Fisher King, yeah.

00:52:05.000 Robin Williams was completely out of his mind.

00:52:09.000 And he played this really...

00:52:11.000 I believe that's the plot of the movie. 0.92

00:52:15.000 I hope I'm not fucking it up.

00:52:17.000 But that was the thing, is that this guy was seeing some things that just weren't there.

00:52:22.000 Obviously, when you see those people talking to themselves, there's something going on there.

00:52:25.000 Yeah.

00:52:25.000 I wonder what it's like.

00:52:27.000 I wonder if it's like the Simpsons ride at Universal.

00:52:29.000 Like, everything they see is like, Whoa!

00:52:31.000 Hey! 0.99

00:52:32.000 Hey! 0.99

00:52:33.000 I like to think that they're smarter than us and then they're like talking to people that they can see that are actually there but we are...

00:52:40.000 we can't figure it out.

00:52:42.000 A former radio DJ suicidally despondent because of terrible mistakes he made finds redemption in helping a deranged homeless man who was an unwitting victim of that mistake.

00:52:53.000 Huh.

00:52:54.000 I don't remember much about this movie.

00:52:56.000 Suicidally despondent. 0.71

00:52:58.000 Crazy, right? 0.98

00:52:59.000 Yeah.

00:53:03.000 Have you ever ridden that Simpsons ride at Universal?

00:53:07.000 No, not yet.

00:53:07.000 Drop everything!

00:53:08.000 Oh wait, I have!

00:53:09.000 With the shooting one, right? 0.94

00:53:10.000 You like shoot things?

00:53:11.000 No, no, no, no.

00:53:12.000 The Simpsons ride, like you sit in a car.

00:53:16.000 But it sort of like spins?

00:53:16.000 And everything is happening.

00:53:17.000 The car moves around a little bit left and right, but everything that's happening is happening on the screen in front of you. 0.93

00:53:24.000 Like, the screen is this gigantic high-def screen where you're in a first-person perspective and, you know, it's taking on this wild, crazy, fucking, amazingly illustrated cartoon rut. 0.99

00:53:38.000 It's fucking fun, dude. 0.98

00:53:40.000 It's really fun. 0.99

00:53:41.000 It's got smells, too.

00:53:42.000 Remember the baby powder smell?

00:53:43.000 It smells like when Maggie's on the screen.

00:53:45.000 It's one of the best rides ever.

00:53:48.000 It's so good.

00:53:48.000 I was really surprised at the Transformers ride, too.

00:53:51.000 Is that good?

00:53:52.000 It's great.

00:53:53.000 Wait a minute.

00:53:53.000 I was on that one.

00:53:54.000 I didn't like it.

00:53:55.000 Really?

00:53:55.000 Yeah, I thought I was like...

00:53:56.000 Because I went to The Simpsons first.

00:53:59.000 Oh.

00:54:00.000 It's not the move.

00:54:01.000 Have you been to the Harry Potter thing yet?

00:54:03.000 Yeah, the Harry Potter ride's amazing.

00:54:04.000 It's so weird because I live next to Universal and you're just driving and now there's a castle that you just drive by and you're like, what?

00:54:10.000 Is there a castle?

00:54:10.000 Oh yeah, Harry Potter.

00:54:12.000 It's cool. 0.86

00:54:12.000 It's a long ass ride too. 0.86

00:54:14.000 The Harry Potter ride is really long. 0.55

00:54:16.000 I don't know how long it takes, but you're like, whoa, this ride keeps going.

00:54:19.000 How do you go to Universal?

00:54:21.000 You go when it's like closed or something?

00:54:23.000 Just go.

00:54:24.000 Whatever.

00:54:25.000 Just go.

00:54:25.000 That place is crazy for anybody.

00:54:29.000 I can't imagine what it's like for you.

00:54:31.000 Just go.

00:54:32.000 You're in a disguise?

00:54:34.000 No, I don't wear a disguise.

00:54:35.000 You're definitely not rocking your fanny pack at Universal Studios.

00:54:38.000 I wear my fanny pack there.

00:54:39.000 Heck yeah, that's the best place to wear it.

00:54:41.000 How dare you say I won't.

00:54:43.000 I want my fanny pack at Disneyland.

00:54:45.000 You get swamped.

00:54:46.000 Just say hi to people.

00:54:47.000 Say hi and keep moving.

00:54:49.000 Yeah.

00:54:50.000 Did you talk about this George Carlin CD that he recorded the day before 9-11?

00:54:56.000 No.

00:54:56.000 Have you heard about this?

00:54:57.000 No.

00:54:57.000 He recorded a special the day before 9-11.

00:55:00.000 It was actually called I Kinda Like It When A Lot Of People Die.

00:55:04.000 Oh, no.

00:55:05.000 And then the following day, 9-11 happened, so they had to shelve it. 0.96

00:55:08.000 And I guess even in it, he talks about Osama Bin Laden and shit like that.

00:55:14.000 And so they're about to release it, or they just released it. 0.88

00:55:17.000 They've held onto it this long just because of 9-11.

00:55:20.000 Whoa.

00:55:20.000 It's really creepy.

00:55:21.000 There's a bunch of weird 9-11 things like that.

00:55:23.000 I found a couple yesterday, actually.

00:55:26.000 There's a band that was called We Are the World Trade Center, or I Am the World Trade Center.

00:55:32.000 It was like a synth-pop band.

00:55:34.000 And in April of 2001, they released a song.

00:55:39.000 Again, the name of the band, We Are the World Trade Center.

00:55:41.000 And track 11...

00:55:44.000 On that album that came out in April.

00:55:47.000 Track 11 was called September.

00:55:50.000 So like if you look at their album, it says, we are the World Trade Center.

00:55:53.000 11.September.

00:55:55.000 That's crazy.

00:55:55.000 So insane.

00:55:56.000 And then there's another thing.

00:55:57.000 Illuminati planned it!

00:55:58.000 And then there's another thing.

00:55:59.000 I can't remember which cartoon.

00:56:01.000 It's either like Futurama, I think it is.

00:56:03.000 It's the craziest thing I saw in a long time.

00:56:06.000 In one of these weird cartoons, there's a moment where it pans over from them and there's a movie poster.

00:56:12.000 We're good to go.

00:56:35.000 Whoa.

00:56:36.000 It's the craziest thing I've seen in a long time.

00:56:38.000 I think it's either Futurama or...

00:56:39.000 You've got to think, though, as much content as people put out, and the World Trade Center was always these iconic references.

00:56:45.000 I mean, it was in a Biggie song.

00:56:46.000 You know, blow up like the World Trade.

00:56:48.000 Yeah, album cover.

00:56:50.000 Yeah, and those people did try to blow it up in, what was it, like, 96 or something like that?

00:56:55.000 They blew up that car bomb inside the basement.

00:56:58.000 So, it makes sense that somebody would have caught it, but that 11 in September, that's bananas.

00:57:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:57:04.000 That's some fucking premonition shit. 1.00

00:57:07.000 It happened. 1.00

00:57:08.000 Scary.

00:57:08.000 Do you think they planned that like that?

00:57:10.000 Of course.

00:57:10.000 Like, knowing that 9-11 would...

00:57:12.000 But, like, knowing that if we do it on 9-11, it's 9-1-1, it's, like, emergency numbers.

00:57:17.000 Marketing 101, it was easier, you know, they knew it was going to be a bigger deal, because it's 9-11, like, 9-1-1, you know, the...

00:57:24.000 Maybe.

00:57:25.000 Maybe. 0.99

00:57:26.000 Yeah, maybe it would have happened in 9-12 and been just as fucked up. 0.99

00:57:30.000 Yeah. 0.97

00:57:31.000 People find reasons to attach numbers and meanings to things, but it's totally possible that they know our...

00:57:38.000 I mean, obviously they know 9-1-1 is for emergency, that they did it on 9-1-1 because of that, but it would have made any difference if it was 9-9 or 9-10.

00:57:46.000 It was a devastating attack and tragedy.

00:57:49.000 The other stuff is just like, really?

00:57:51.000 If they did it on July 11th, 7-Elevens would have gone out of business everywhere.

00:57:56.000 7-Elevens.

00:58:02.000 What about July 4th?

00:58:04.000 July 4th would be a big smack in our face. 0.89

00:58:06.000 And March would be really gay if it was March 11th. 0.89

00:58:09.000 3-11. 0.76

00:58:11.000 Oh, is that that band?

00:58:12.000 Yeah.

00:58:14.000 They make good weed pens.

00:58:15.000 Yeah, they do.

00:58:16.000 I was one of the first people to smoke the prototype last year on the 311 cruise with Peanut the bass player.

00:58:21.000 How strong has that been?

00:58:22.000 They make their own weed pens.

00:58:24.000 It's a very strong move.

00:58:25.000 They're the coolest, man.

00:58:26.000 They've always been ahead of the game.

00:58:29.000 Great live show.

00:58:30.000 It's because they're all generic Chinese models, so anyone can make their own weed pen by just putting their logo on it. 1.00

00:58:38.000 You can buy them in bulk.

00:58:39.000 Yeah.

00:58:39.000 I've seen all the same weed pins.

00:58:41.000 There's this website, you can buy like 300 of them, and they'll even put a logo on it for you so it looks like your weed pin.

00:58:47.000 They were really hands-on with this one, though.

00:58:49.000 They tried out a ton of...

00:58:51.000 I know, because he told us all about it.

00:58:53.000 But that would just be the oils, or they tried out a ton of canisters, too?

00:58:58.000 I just know that it took them...

00:59:00.000 They went through a long process, so probably both.

00:59:04.000 It's good stuff.

00:59:05.000 Two thumbs up.

00:59:06.000 I highly approve.

00:59:07.000 Did you try the orange one?

00:59:08.000 I don't know what one I tried.

00:59:09.000 That's what I remember is it tasted like an actual orange and got me wrecked.

00:59:13.000 Yeah, no, that's good stuff.

00:59:15.000 It was an atheist nightmare. 1.00

00:59:16.000 An atheist nightmare. 1.00

00:59:19.000 It's this...

00:59:20.000 Well, it is intelligent design, though.

00:59:23.000 Somebody made it.

00:59:26.000 Those bands, what kind of band is 311?

00:59:30.000 311 is really their own type of thing because it's like reggae mixed with heavy rock.

00:59:36.000 They go back and forth.

00:59:38.000 Sometimes you'll just forget that they're about to drop.

00:59:43.000 They have killer guitarists and high energy.

00:59:45.000 They have two lead singers, one guy with a really smooth voice, and the other guy's sort of like a rapper.

00:59:51.000 And they do all this while they're high.

00:59:53.000 I'd imagine so.

00:59:54.000 But also, I feel like a lot of those guys have families now and stuff, and they might calm down a little bit, but I'm sure they have to get stoned.

01:00:04.000 I used to like them.

01:00:05.000 I haven't heard anything from them in a long time.

01:00:08.000 Well, they made a Greatest Hits album way back in, like, 98 or something like that, you know?

01:00:14.000 They're notorious for being one of the best live bands to see.

01:00:19.000 So you did, like, a whole cruise ship with them, right?

01:00:22.000 Yeah, it was the coolest thing I've ever done.

01:00:24.000 How long was it?

01:00:25.000 It was actually five days.

01:00:27.000 I did two shows, and I was, like, shaky about it because this was back when, like, toilets exploded on that one cruise or whatever.

01:00:35.000 Everybody died.

01:00:36.000 Well, everybody was freaking out.

01:00:37.000 That was the one where the guy was trying to wave to his girlfriend, came around with the boat, and he hit the ground and killed a ton of people.

01:00:46.000 A bunch of people drowned.

01:00:47.000 I'm talking about the carnival one that got all poopy everywhere.

01:00:50.000 Oh, that one too, yeah.

01:00:51.000 I remember that.

01:00:51.000 That happened right around then, and I'm like, man, a cruise ship, we're going to see.

01:00:55.000 But I knew 311 was an awesome live band.

01:00:57.000 I've seen them actually quite a few times, like in high school and stuff.

01:01:01.000 Dude, there's a railing, and below that railing is the ocean, and you're going 50 miles an hour.

01:01:04.000 Good luck.

01:01:05.000 It's awesome. 1.00

01:01:06.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:01:07.000 I had so much fun. 1.00

01:01:08.000 Because they're performing on the main deck. 1.00

01:01:10.000 Fuck cruises. 1.00

01:01:11.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:01:11.000 No, I'm telling you. 1.00

01:01:12.000 I agree. 1.00

01:01:13.000 Fuck cruises. 1.00

01:01:14.000 So tell me what it was like. 1.00

01:01:16.000 It was the greatest thing ever.

01:01:17.000 I came back from that five day cruise and got everything in my life done.

01:01:21.000 Really?

01:01:22.000 It was crazy.

01:01:23.000 Because it's so...

01:01:25.000 It's literally perfect.

01:01:27.000 Going to Jamaica, the most boring part of the whole trip was the half a day we spent in Jamaica before getting back on and going.

01:01:34.000 I stepped on some needly sponge in the ocean. 0.91

01:01:37.000 I'm like, this sucks. 0.78

01:01:38.000 Get back on this luxury cruise ship. 0.96

01:01:40.000 Bunch of shows going on.

01:01:42.000 There's a casino.

01:01:42.000 You can get away to your room if you want to disappear.

01:01:45.000 It's really a thousand times better than I thought it was going to be.

01:01:49.000 You didn't like Jamaica?

01:01:51.000 No, it's no.

01:01:54.000 Good God, no.

01:01:56.000 Hey, welcome.

01:01:57.000 Try the chicken.

01:01:57.000 It was like just bad.

01:01:59.000 Everybody's cooking and it's just dirty.

01:02:01.000 There's bees everywhere. 0.56

01:02:03.000 You know, nature like sucks, but cruise ships are great. 0.91

01:02:06.000 That's not nature. 0.82

01:02:09.000 Going 50 miles an hour with Caribbean air around you is perfect. 1.00

01:02:14.000 I mean, it's the perfect life. 0.99

01:02:18.000 Wow, you're going to live on a boat when you're an old crazy man. 1.00

01:02:20.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:02:21.000 You're going to be like one of them Howard Hughes type dudes just out on a boat.

01:02:24.000 Just peeing in jars.

01:02:25.000 L. Ron Hubbard style with your own captain's outfit.

01:02:27.000 You'll give yourself medals every year.

01:02:29.000 Hi, I wrote a new joke today.

01:02:30.000 I'm going to give myself a medal.

01:02:31.000 And you just pin a medal onto your...

01:02:33.000 You would have like a camel colored coat.

01:02:35.000 Maybe a light camel.

01:02:37.000 Something sophisticated.

01:02:38.000 Probably will.

01:02:38.000 My older brother just got like way into it.

01:02:41.000 Bought a boat and everything.

01:02:42.000 He's been sailing for like a decade, but he's like way into it now.

01:02:46.000 Yeah?

01:02:46.000 Yeah, he's got a cool apartment right on Venice Beach and a boat right in the docks.

01:02:50.000 And he just goes...

01:02:50.000 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:02:52.000 I'm going to go in the ocean.

01:02:53.000 It makes sense.

01:02:54.000 I mean, it's like a giant, uncharted area.

01:02:59.000 There's no roads.

01:03:01.000 You can go wherever you want.

01:03:03.000 That's the cool thing about being in the ocean if you have a boat.

01:03:06.000 There's no road.

01:03:07.000 You have to go here, you have to take it right there, and you take the 110th, the 118th.

01:03:11.000 No.

01:03:12.000 Just go wherever you want to go.

01:03:13.000 What do you want to go?

01:03:14.000 You want to go to Catalina?

01:03:15.000 Go to Catalina.

01:03:16.000 And there's crazy life under there.

01:03:17.000 You throw a fishing pole out there, you catch something, you throw it on the grill right there.

01:03:21.000 You just skin it.

01:03:23.000 You don't even have to skin it, you just gut it.

01:03:25.000 You know, they're finding out that a lot of those tropical fish are making their ways into the waters around Southern California because of the global warming.

01:03:34.000 So they're having like yellowfin tuna or all over Southern California waters.

01:03:38.000 You used to have to go to like Hawaii to catch those things.

01:03:41.000 You can catch them right here now.

01:03:42.000 That's awesome.

01:03:43.000 Getting your boats on.

01:03:46.000 In the cruise ship thing, I'm telling you, I mean, it's a whole thing.

01:03:50.000 What if someone's really annoying and they just follow you around that cruise ship?

01:03:53.000 That doesn't happen.

01:03:54.000 It doesn't happen?

01:03:55.000 No.

01:03:56.000 You can lose them.

01:03:57.000 You can lose them?

01:03:57.000 Did you ever lose anybody?

01:03:58.000 These things are huge.

01:03:59.000 You have to understand how huge this is.

01:04:01.000 So it's like a mall?

01:04:02.000 It's like a small city, yes.

01:04:04.000 It's like a giant mall or a small city.

01:04:07.000 How long does it take to walk around the whole thing?

01:04:08.000 Because there's also like six or seven floors.

01:04:11.000 You know what I mean?

01:04:11.000 So boom, boom, boom, boom.

01:04:13.000 So it's like a hotel almost.

01:04:15.000 Like a Vegas-style hotel that's floating.

01:04:17.000 That's what it's like.

01:04:18.000 It's like a Vegas-style huge hotel.

01:04:20.000 Like how the MGM's connected to New York, New York, or whatever.

01:04:24.000 It's like super-duper huge.

01:04:27.000 And the main deck, I mean, they're doing shows at nighttime.

01:04:31.000 And it is...

01:04:33.000 Unbelievable.

01:04:34.000 Going to a normal concert where you're just not moving after that, sort of like, eh, I'm missing something here.

01:04:39.000 They must have cruises that go successfully every day to their destination.

01:04:45.000 Smooth.

01:04:46.000 Everyone has a great experience.

01:04:47.000 There's no issues whatsoever.

01:04:49.000 It's like airplanes.

01:04:50.000 All it takes is one poopy mistake.

01:04:53.000 There's a website.

01:04:54.000 Or one dude who wants to wave at his girlfriend and beaches the boat and drowns a bunch of people.

01:04:59.000 Or one husband who throws his wife over the side.

01:05:04.000 Did you hear about that guy?

01:05:05.000 Yeah.

01:05:06.000 There's a guy who threw his wife over the side.

01:05:09.000 Like newlyweds. 1.00

01:05:11.000 Dude, there's some fucking creepy people out there, man. 0.98

01:05:14.000 There's a cruise ship website, like cruiseshipreports.org or something like that, and it tells you every time there's a problem with a cruise ship, and it's shocking how many there are. 0.99

01:05:23.000 There's problems all the time, and it shows how many people died and stuff, and why, and how.

01:05:28.000 How often do people die from cruise ships? 0.98

01:05:29.000 A lot of crazy shit happens on cruise ships. 0.99

01:05:31.000 You saw the elevator, right? 0.99

01:05:32.000 The guy that got stuck in the elevator, and it started dripping down blood of his body because he got crushed on the cruise ship.

01:05:38.000 What?

01:05:39.000 That happened a couple months ago.

01:05:40.000 Are you dripping down blood?

01:05:41.000 What?

01:05:41.000 This guy working on an elevator, the elevator crushed him.

01:05:44.000 Oh, he was working on the elevator and went up to the top?

01:05:47.000 Yeah.

01:05:47.000 And so there's video of just blood gushing down the elevator door and people are like, what the heck is that?

01:05:53.000 And it's just blood.

01:05:54.000 It looks like a horror movie.

01:05:55.000 Oh my god.

01:05:57.000 Is that real?

01:05:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:05:59.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:06:00.000 You haven't seen the video? 1.00

01:06:01.000 You gotta see the video.

01:06:02.000 I don't need to see that.

01:06:03.000 It's scary.

01:06:04.000 That's a weird way to go though.

01:06:05.000 Getting squashed in an elevator.

01:06:08.000 This is why I don't work on elevators.

01:06:10.000 Uh, People ask me all the time, Tony, we have a problem with the elevator.

01:06:15.000 Can you get on top of it and fix it?

01:06:16.000 Have you been stuck in an elevator before?

01:06:18.000 No.

01:06:19.000 Yeah, when I was a little kid.

01:06:20.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:06:20.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:06:21.000 Yeah, I was like seven years old, but it was only 20 minutes. 1.00

01:06:23.000 You know, I probably blew a fuse or something like that.

01:06:26.000 But I was in New York recently at one of the theaters.

01:06:30.000 I think it was the Beacon.

01:06:32.000 And they have this dude who runs the elevator back there.

01:06:35.000 Yeah, I was with you.

01:06:36.000 Oh, that's right.

01:06:37.000 You remember that?

01:06:37.000 The guy had like the handle and the...

01:06:40.000 It's like an old-schooly, old-school elevator where you have to have an operator.

01:06:45.000 There's no buttons to press.

01:06:47.000 This guy had to get you up and down.

01:06:49.000 What did he say?

01:06:49.000 From the 1920s or something like that?

01:06:51.000 Yeah.

01:06:52.000 Old school.

01:06:53.000 Yeah.

01:06:54.000 What's that?

01:06:54.000 It might have been before that.

01:06:55.000 1929. Oh, that's it.

01:06:58.000 That's right.

01:06:58.000 I took a video of the dude.

01:06:59.000 That's right.

01:07:00.000 What's your name, brother?

01:07:01.000 Jose, that's my name.

01:07:02.000 Jose, this is an old-school-y elevator we're in here, man.

01:07:07.000 Sorry.

01:07:08.000 Like, how long has this kind of elevator been here for?

01:07:11.000 1929. Wow.

01:07:13.000 Yeah.

01:07:14.000 Wow, that's it.

01:07:15.000 That's it.

01:07:15.000 Yeah, it was the old ones on Instagram.

01:07:17.000 You could only get 15 seconds out or 30 seconds or something like that.

01:07:21.000 Yeah, but that dude was operating that thing.

01:07:24.000 Like, he had this little lever to pull up and pull down.

01:07:29.000 It's a badass old elevator, but I'm sure they fix it all the time.

01:07:33.000 Yeah, there's things that, too.

01:07:34.000 There's always that thing on the inside.

01:07:37.000 When I was in Italy, I got in an elevator from the 1800s.

01:07:40.000 The hotel had an 1800s elevator.

01:07:43.000 Hmm.

01:07:44.000 Yeah.

01:07:45.000 It's super weird, those old ones.

01:07:46.000 You've got to shut the door in front of you.

01:07:48.000 You've got to shut the door.

01:07:48.000 You've got to get inside.

01:07:49.000 It'll still work, but...

01:07:51.000 Yeah, you can just leave the door open.

01:07:53.000 It'll still work, right? 1.00

01:07:53.000 Yeah, you could just leave the door open and grab a floor as you're passing and rip your fucking arms off. 1.00

01:07:57.000 You could do that. 0.99

01:08:01.000 If you looked at, like, how many people have died from elevators versus how many people have died from coconuts, you'd be shocked.

01:08:07.000 No one's scared of coconuts, but coconuts fuck up about 150 people a year.

01:08:12.000 Did you know that? 0.99

01:08:13.000 No.

01:08:14.000 Do you know how many people die from deer every year?

01:08:16.000 A lot.

01:08:17.000 200 in the United States.

01:08:19.000 Wow.

01:08:19.000 200 deaths.

01:08:20.000 They die from deer.

01:08:23.000 Oof.

01:08:24.000 Every year.

01:08:25.000 Every year. 1.00

01:08:26.000 You're driving down the road, listening to Led Zeppelin, and you hit this stupid fucking cunty forest horse, and it goes flying through your windshield and kicks your brains out. 1.00

01:08:38.000 Yikes. 1.00

01:08:40.000 200 people a year.

01:08:41.000 How many people do you think die, on average, in elevators per year?

01:08:45.000 I know.

01:08:45.000 Six.

01:08:46.000 In the U.S. Six.

01:08:47.000 Prince is one of them.

01:08:49.000 26. 26. Did he die in an elevator?

01:08:51.000 Yeah.

01:08:52.000 For real?

01:08:52.000 Yeah.

01:08:53.000 26 die in elevators every year in the United States?

01:08:57.000 Jesus.

01:08:57.000 How many die from coconuts?

01:08:59.000 I'm saying coconuts is over 100 a year.

01:09:02.000 I think so.

01:09:03.000 Worldwide?

01:09:03.000 I will say worldwide.

01:09:05.000 More than 100 people a year die from coconuts.

01:09:09.000 You're saying like coconuts dropping?

01:09:10.000 Coconuts falling on their head.

01:09:11.000 Okay, it's like not allergy.

01:09:12.000 Just getting jacked.

01:09:14.000 It says 150, yeah. 1.00

01:09:15.000 Yeah, bitch. 1.00

01:09:16.000 Worldwide. 1.00

01:09:16.000 That's worldwide. 1.00

01:09:17.000 Worldwide, good.

01:09:18.000 Imagine if it was all in like Jakarta. 0.92

01:09:20.000 Jakarta coconuts just murking people.

01:09:26.000 Walking home from school with your buddies, two of them die.

01:09:28.000 And what just an embarrassing way to die, right?

01:09:32.000 Oh no!

01:09:35.000 That husky sound, those things clobbering you on the head.

01:09:39.000 The last thing you hear is your friends laughing at you.

01:09:43.000 That's probably how they figured out that coconuts were edible. 0.83

01:09:45.000 It killed someone's friend.

01:09:47.000 Someone freaked out and hit it with a rock and went, oh, look at this. 1.00

01:09:50.000 There's some shit in here. 1.00

01:09:51.000 You killed my friend! 1.00

01:09:53.000 Yeah, back then. 0.98

01:09:54.000 And you are delicious.

01:09:55.000 They didn't know that a coconut wasn't alive. 1.00

01:09:58.000 If something came out of the sky and killed your friend, and you were so stupid that you didn't even have clothes yet, that's probably the first people that figured out they could eat coconuts. 0.99

01:10:06.000 Those had to be like the first balls, right? 1.00

01:10:08.000 Fruits.

01:10:09.000 Probably.

01:10:10.000 Sort of just hit me right now.

01:10:11.000 They realized they could play soccer and stuff.

01:10:13.000 Yeah, for sure.

01:10:14.000 Definitely.

01:10:15.000 Wow.

01:10:16.000 Dude, I saw a demonstration the other day. 0.95

01:10:18.000 We've showed demonstrations of that Line-X stuff before, but this was the most ridiculous one.

01:10:22.000 Line-X is this plastic stuff that they can spray on things, and they spray it on the undercarriages of some trucks and four-wheelers that go out into the country. 0.96

01:10:32.000 Those dudes do those four-wheel crawl fucking things and smash them up against rocks. 1.00

01:10:38.000 They'll Line-X their whole truck. 0.99

01:10:40.000 That'll be the paint for the outside of it.

01:10:42.000 Well, they took a watermelon.

01:10:43.000 They sprayed a watermelon with Line-X and dropped it off of, I think it was from 450 feet up.

01:10:51.000 This is the brick one.

01:10:53.000 This is one we've already seen.

01:10:54.000 But this one's kind of fascinating, too.

01:10:56.000 Like, check this out.

01:10:57.000 Just show how they did it before.

01:10:58.000 So they dropped this brick off the top of the building.

01:11:03.000 Now, and without the Linux...

01:11:06.000 Oh, that's when they shot the wall. 0.99

01:11:09.000 This is the Watermelon Villio, but there's a bunch of shit before it. 0.98

01:11:11.000 Oh, is it the Watermelon Villio? 0.98

01:11:12.000 Oh, yeah, it is.

01:11:13.000 There it is.

01:11:14.000 Trying to find it.

01:11:15.000 There, it's right there.

01:11:16.000 These guys.

01:11:18.000 So anyway, there's one of them where they're on a tower.

01:11:21.000 The tower one is a watermelon one, dude.

01:11:23.000 I think it's a different one.

01:11:25.000 Yeah, it's not the same video.

01:11:26.000 There it is right there.

01:11:27.000 Is that it?

01:11:27.000 Yeah.

01:11:28.000 Okay.

01:11:29.000 It's like all of these are in there. 0.98

01:11:30.000 This is a different one because this one, it's red, but it's the same goddamn thing. 0.99

01:11:34.000 So I guess they're just gonna hit it with a hammer here. 1.00

01:11:36.000 They sprayed this shit on a watermelon. 1.00

01:11:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:11:39.000 But the watermelon, he's like hitting it with a hammer, it's just bouncing.

01:11:42.000 But that's not as impressive.

01:11:43.000 See if you can find the one where they drop the watermelon off the tower.

01:11:47.000 Line-X watermelon, 450 feet drop.

01:11:50.000 I mean, they threw this watermelon off the tower without the Line-X, and it hits the street and literally vaporizes.

01:11:57.000 They hit it, they throw the Line-X one, it hits the ground, it bounces 10 feet in the air.

01:12:02.000 Yeah, the inside of it was just watermelon juice.

01:12:04.000 It just became watermelon juice.

01:12:05.000 But this stuff is so tough.

01:12:07.000 It's just some weird, freaky plastic.

01:12:09.000 That'd be fun to, like, prank Gallagher before he goes on stage and sprays watermelon with that.

01:12:14.000 Break his back open.

01:12:16.000 His arms would literally fly off his body.

01:12:18.000 So can you buy this consumer style?

01:12:20.000 Yeah, it's just...

01:12:21.000 I know my friend Remy, his dad actually owns a shop up in Reno where they spray trucks with this stuff.

01:12:27.000 Wow.

01:12:28.000 Yeah.

01:12:28.000 People that want a really heavy-duty application of their trucks are going to drive in the woods and branches are going to smack up against it all the time.

01:12:37.000 They just spray their whole truck with this shit. 0.99

01:12:39.000 That's cool. 1.00

01:12:40.000 Yeah.

01:12:40.000 There's a company called...

01:12:44.000 I think it's called Devrolo.

01:12:46.000 D-E-V-R-O-L-O. And they make these ridiculous, souped-up Toyota Tundras that are bulletproof. 0.67

01:12:55.000 And they spray Line-X all over them.

01:12:58.000 So they make them regular and they make them bulletproof.

01:13:02.000 They make them for like... 0.89

01:13:03.000 You know, some royal family or some shit that comes here from somewhere else. 0.95

01:13:08.000 And they have this... 0.98

01:13:09.000 What is this?

01:13:10.000 This is the video of the...

01:13:11.000 Yeah.

01:13:12.000 But this isn't...

01:13:12.000 Linex didn't make this.

01:13:13.000 Some other guys just put this video out this past month.

01:13:16.000 Linex didn't make the video, but they did use Linex.

01:13:19.000 So let's watch it.

01:13:20.000 Here you go. 1.00

01:13:21.000 So he throws this watermelon off this ridiculous fucking tower. 1.00

01:13:27.000 Look at this. 1.00

01:13:28.000 It hits the ground.

01:13:30.000 That's crazy.

01:13:32.000 Yeah.

01:13:34.000 Wow.

01:13:34.000 Now, can you cut into it?

01:13:36.000 Like, is it possible to get to that watermelon now?

01:13:38.000 Yeah, you can cut into it, but look at this.

01:13:40.000 Look how it hits the ground.

01:13:41.000 It's like a ball.

01:13:43.000 That's incredible.

01:13:44.000 I mean, it seems like a medicine ball.

01:13:46.000 Like someone threw a medicine ball.

01:13:47.000 What about bullet versus that?

01:13:48.000 What happens?

01:13:48.000 No, a bullet would go through it.

01:13:50.000 It has a unique ability to disperse shock and rebound and not break open.

01:13:56.000 That's really cool.

01:13:57.000 See if you find those trucks.

01:13:59.000 DevRolo, it's called.

01:14:00.000 I think it's like some Russian company or something like that. 1.00

01:14:02.000 They make these souped-up Cars that are covered in this shit. 0.99

01:14:06.000 A lot of companies do that, I guess. 1.00

01:14:08.000 They cover cars in this Line-X shit. 0.98

01:14:11.000 To protect it from accidents? 0.98

01:14:13.000 It would definitely protect you more from accidents than not having it, for sure.

01:14:17.000 It would definitely make it harder for an impact to get...

01:14:21.000 If your car has a certain thickness of steel on the door, and you had double that thickness, I would just assume that would be safer, right?

01:14:31.000 Doesn't that make sense?

01:14:33.000 Well, it makes you wonder, like, if it caves in, then that also absorbs a lot of the energy, but if you bounced off, it seems like there'd be more snapping of your head and everything.

01:14:44.000 I'll take the snapping.

01:14:44.000 I'll take the snapping to the penetrating.

01:14:47.000 That's how your body gets crushed, by a truck hitting you on the side.

01:14:51.000 I don't know.

01:14:52.000 Maybe a combination of the two.

01:14:53.000 Yeah, I don't, I think maybe, um...

01:14:57.000 It just makes sense that if it was a thicker, stronger material, like if you were driving around in a tissue paper car, you'd feel real nervous, right?

01:15:03.000 It just seems to reason that if you would get a thicker and thicker gauge of metal.

01:15:07.000 So if you took like the regular gauge metal that they have on like a Chevy Silverado or something like that, and you sprayed this Line-X shit over it, this has got to make it stronger. 0.86

01:15:15.000 There's just no way it doesn't. 0.93

01:15:17.000 If that's what it does with a watermelon off a 450-foot tower, What was, you remember Saturn's where you couldn't scratch them, you could kick them, and they'd, you know, never...

01:15:28.000 Yeah, they were made out of plastic.

01:15:29.000 Was it plastic?

01:15:30.000 Yeah.

01:15:31.000 Wouldn't that be, like, a safety hazard then, if it was plastic? 0.93

01:15:35.000 No, no, because as long as it's strong, like, plastics can be really fucking strong.

01:15:40.000 Like, there's certain types of plastics, like certain types of composite fibers that are, like, technically plastics that are ridiculously strong. 0.75

01:15:49.000 Like, they use resins, and they have these types of plastics That they can, you know, they can make plastic where you can make a plastic knife, where you could kill somebody with it.

01:15:59.000 I mean, plastic can be really hard.

01:16:01.000 That was probably such a good feature of that car.

01:16:03.000 I loved my Saturn, and when I sold it, it was like 12 years old, and it looked like the day I bought it, like brand new, because it didn't scratch or denture.

01:16:10.000 Do they make those anymore?

01:16:11.000 No, they went out of business, but that technology that you think they would use it in other cars are...

01:16:15.000 Yeah, that's probably not the best move.

01:16:17.000 I think cars don't want to last.

01:16:18.000 I think cars want to break and get more parts.

01:16:21.000 Like GMs are like, they like biodegradable.

01:16:24.000 This is an apocalypse mobile.

01:16:26.000 Wow, that looks great.

01:16:27.000 Isn't that thing insane?

01:16:29.000 One mile per gallon.

01:16:31.000 Yeah.

01:16:32.000 Click on one of the pictures of them things.

01:16:34.000 Like the Interceptor, the Challenger, the Expedition.

01:16:38.000 Yeah, so all that stuff is Linux. 0.99

01:16:40.000 The entire outside of the truck, the bumpers, everything is covered in that Linux shit. 0.98

01:16:46.000 That's neat. 1.00

01:16:47.000 That's a goddamn tank. 1.00

01:16:49.000 Look at that thing. 1.00

01:16:50.000 If you got a little dick, that's your ride. 1.00

01:16:53.000 If you're like, look, I want to distract you! 1.00

01:16:56.000 I think they're not like bullet tests on it or anything, you know?

01:16:59.000 Well, they do have bulletproof versions of the car.

01:17:01.000 I don't know if that stuff is bulletproof.

01:17:03.000 I would doubt that it is.

01:17:05.000 But I would say, you know, it's definitely better than not having it on.

01:17:08.000 But look at that thing. 0.93

01:17:09.000 It's so manly.

01:17:10.000 Ooh.

01:17:10.000 I got to be in Kevin Pereira's auto drive car the other day.

01:17:13.000 Oh, the Tesla?

01:17:14.000 That's so cool, man.

01:17:16.000 So weird, isn't it?

01:17:17.000 Yeah, when he did it, it's hard to trust that.

01:17:19.000 Like, it's weird him just, like, letting go.

01:17:22.000 And he said that when he first bought it, he was really scared and nervous. 0.75

01:17:25.000 But now he's, like, you know, laptop out, like, doing shit he shouldn't be doing.

01:17:29.000 And I watched it, like, detect the, you know, the side car and stuff like that.

01:17:33.000 And it...

01:17:34.000 It stopped.

01:17:35.000 It slowed down.

01:17:36.000 It's scary because you know the guy that designed the self-driving car was Asian. 1.00

01:17:40.000 And you're like, you know.

01:17:42.000 How do you know he's Asian?

01:17:43.000 He's not Asian. 1.00

01:17:43.000 Asian computer people. 1.00

01:17:45.000 This is a bad attempt at some racist humor and I'm not going to stand for it.

01:17:49.000 I guarantee you the person that...

01:17:51.000 Find it, Jamie.

01:17:52.000 Engineer the self-driving cars in Asia. 1.00

01:17:54.000 If you're wrong, you have to suck Brian's cock right here on the show. 1.00

01:17:57.000 No, I'll take donkey cum. 1.00

01:17:58.000 Just a couple of strokes. 1.00

01:18:00.000 A couple of strokes in your mouth. 1.00

01:18:01.000 No, I'll take the donkey cum. 1.00

01:18:03.000 Listen, just a real quick little... 0.99

01:18:05.000 I think you're wrong.

01:18:07.000 The iPad or whatever, the display and stuff is so sexy.

01:18:11.000 Oh yeah, it's a crazy screen.

01:18:13.000 I would think that uses up a lot of juice.

01:18:16.000 Why would you have such a giant screen?

01:18:18.000 True.

01:18:20.000 I didn't know about the fast charging, because we always talked about this in the past, about how you can't drive to Vegas, though.

01:18:26.000 Well, they also have a stop in Vegas that you plug it in for five minutes and you get two more hours.

01:18:31.000 Here's the fact, though.

01:18:32.000 When was the last time you drove to Vegas?

01:18:34.000 I hardly ever drive.

01:18:35.000 I did last weekend.

01:18:36.000 That's right.

01:18:37.000 You drove up for the fight.

01:18:38.000 For the fight.

01:18:38.000 I always drive.

01:18:39.000 Do you?

01:18:40.000 It's cheap.

01:18:40.000 Well, it is cheap, but don't you get annoyed being in the car for four hours?

01:18:44.000 No, I'm used to four hours.

01:18:46.000 I had fun.

01:18:46.000 Me and Pete smoked joints the whole way.

01:18:49.000 Let's say that you were driving back, though, when you were in that Vegas traffic on the way back.

01:18:52.000 It was terrible. 0.99

01:18:53.000 You would be fucked. 1.00

01:18:54.000 Your car would die halfway through. 1.00

01:18:55.000 That's true.

01:18:56.000 Jamie just owned you.

01:18:57.000 Yeah, but you're stuck though.

01:18:58.000 There's two lanes for 400 miles.

01:19:01.000 Yeah.

01:19:02.000 She's right.

01:19:03.000 You couldn't make it to the stop.

01:19:04.000 You'd be three hours away from it.

01:19:05.000 He's right. 1.00

01:19:06.000 Fuck you. 1.00

01:19:07.000 No, I mean, it has... 1.00

01:19:09.000 There's not just one.

01:19:10.000 There's not just one thing.

01:19:12.000 There's a lot.

01:19:13.000 But he's got a really good point.

01:19:14.000 If you're stuck in that crazy Vegas traffic coming home, you know how ridiculous that traffic is.

01:19:19.000 That's traffic that makes you wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning just to avoid it.

01:19:22.000 I did it once.

01:19:23.000 I did it once and I barely made it because I left at 7.30.

01:19:27.000 I was like, I'll just get up before everybody else.

01:19:29.000 Oh no!

01:19:31.000 No, people are already up and driving at 7.30.

01:19:33.000 It messed me up last weekend coming back from McGregor Diaz because they're like, you gotta beat the traffic.

01:19:39.000 I'm like, whatever.

01:19:40.000 If we get there, whatever.

01:19:41.000 I ended up missing the SummerSlam party.

01:19:44.000 I missed SummerSlam last week, which was huge.

01:19:47.000 Poor baby.

01:19:47.000 How long did it take you to drive home?

01:19:49.000 It was like six, seven hours, something like that. 1.00

01:19:52.000 Yeah, see, that is fucking ridiculous. 0.99

01:19:55.000 I've never been caught in that. 1.00

01:19:56.000 So ridiculous.

01:19:57.000 But if you had a gasoline, like a buddy of mine has a 50 gallon tank in his truck. 0.80

01:20:03.000 50 gallons.

01:20:04.000 So he could just drive. 0.99

01:20:06.000 He just fills that bitch up and just, I mean, it gets shitty gas mileage. 0.99

01:20:10.000 There's a catch-22 because you're packing around all that weight. 0.99

01:20:13.000 But if he's driving from Vegas, he doesn't have to pull over.

01:20:17.000 It's like the opposite of a Tesla.

01:20:20.000 Yeah, my car's dead right now, and I tried to jumpstart my car with my girlfriend's car, which is a Prius, and you can't do that.

01:20:29.000 Because it's like a little 12-volt battery inside those cars.

01:20:33.000 So it wasn't effective enough?

01:20:34.000 No, you can't do it.

01:20:35.000 It says in the book, do not do it.

01:20:37.000 You could just destroy this car.

01:20:38.000 Oh, that would be crazy if you blew that car up.

01:20:40.000 I know.

01:20:41.000 Yeah, those cars blow up, man.

01:20:43.000 How'd your car die?

01:20:44.000 My car's got dead.

01:20:46.000 So many things are wrong with it right now.

01:20:47.000 Did you ever see that, uh, remember when those Fisca Karmas blew up? 1.00

01:20:52.000 The Fisca Karma was that dope-looking, space-age electric car that actually had a solar panel on the roof, and that solar panel on the roof charged up your radio, so your radio wasn't draining the battery as you were driving around.

01:21:06.000 And they were cool-looking cars, like definitely the best-looking out of all the electric cars.

01:21:11.000 And they left a bunch of them on a dock in Brooklyn, I think it was, or no, North Carolina or something like that?

01:21:18.000 Anywhere, somewhere by the water.

01:21:20.000 And the water came in, the sea level rose, flooded the parking lot, and all the cars went underwater and started exploding.

01:21:27.000 Wow.

01:21:28.000 Boom! 0.99

01:21:29.000 Boom! 0.99

01:21:30.000 Boom, boom, boom! 0.95

01:21:30.000 Was your video that? 0.95

01:21:31.000 I don't know.

01:21:33.000 We tried to find it last time, right?

01:21:34.000 We couldn't find it.

01:21:35.000 Look, look at them all.

01:21:36.000 They all just blew up.

01:21:38.000 Wow.

01:21:40.000 Pintos?

01:21:40.000 Is that what it was in the 80s that were blowing up?

01:21:42.000 Yeah.

01:21:43.000 Is that the right cars?

01:21:44.000 Yeah.

01:21:45.000 Because it said Tesla under there.

01:21:46.000 Oh, okay.

01:21:47.000 Superstorm Sandy.

01:21:48.000 Yeah, 16 Fisker Karma.

01:21:50.000 Yeah, and everybody was like, yeah, we're good.

01:21:54.000 And that company just went under.

01:21:56.000 It's like those SpaceX rockets that keep blowing up on the thing.

01:21:59.000 They're like, hey, it's pretty soon.

01:22:00.000 We'll fly you out to Mars.

01:22:02.000 But meanwhile, they can't even get out of Florida. 0.99

01:22:04.000 Dude, I wouldn't fly on one of those fucking things for a hundred years before they got it right. 0.99

01:22:10.000 Yeah, it's obnoxious. 0.99

01:22:11.000 Pull up a real Fisker Karma so you can see what one actually looks like.

01:22:15.000 It was a beautiful car.

01:22:17.000 Justin Bieber had one and it was totally chrome.

01:22:19.000 Oh, that's it?

01:22:20.000 Yeah, I like that car. 1.00

01:22:21.000 He chromed that bitch out. 1.00

01:22:22.000 Why couldn't that one blow up? 1.00

01:22:23.000 Oh, are they back?

01:22:24.000 Are they back?

01:22:25.000 I like Rivero.

01:22:26.000 Yeah, me too.

01:22:27.000 Oh, they have a new car.

01:22:27.000 The Rivero.

01:22:28.000 Ooh.

01:22:29.000 Why karma?

01:22:30.000 It's always been karma.

01:22:32.000 Okay.

01:22:32.000 I saw Bieber driving that car once, and that should be illegal because you ever see that episode of Chips where there was a truck driving a bunch of mirrors and the sun hit the mirrors and all these people were flying off the freeway?

01:22:46.000 Same thing with that.

01:22:47.000 It was just like this giant glare coming down the street.

01:22:50.000 Jamie, go back.

01:22:50.000 Go back to the actual car.

01:22:52.000 I want to see it.

01:22:52.000 Scroll down what you were looking at right here while Brian was talking.

01:22:55.000 Right there in the middle.

01:22:56.000 This is a picture of the car rat.

01:23:00.000 That's a wrap?

01:23:00.000 Yeah, it's got a wrap on it.

01:23:02.000 Oh.

01:23:02.000 God, it's so pretty.

01:23:04.000 Is that a Karma?

01:23:05.000 Yep.

01:23:06.000 That is so pretty.

01:23:07.000 Is that a Karma Revero?

01:23:08.000 Looks like they just brought it back.

01:23:09.000 That is a beautiful car, man.

01:23:11.000 That is without a doubt the best looking out of all those electric cars, like by far.

01:23:16.000 Does this have a gas tank option on it?

01:23:18.000 That's what I want.

01:23:19.000 I don't think so.

01:23:20.000 I think this is all electric. 0.99

01:23:21.000 God damn, that thing is sweet. 0.99

01:23:24.000 That is sweet. 1.00

01:23:25.000 That's so much better looking than all the other ones.

01:23:28.000 Because that looks like a Maserati or something, doesn't it?

01:23:32.000 I kind of like the BMW that's like that, though. 0.95

01:23:34.000 That looks like a Maserati fucked a Jaguar.

01:23:36.000 That's electric? 0.97

01:23:37.000 We're going on a vacation.

01:23:39.000 Come on! 0.61

01:23:40.000 Maserati came in a Jaguar and made that thing.

01:23:44.000 What's the BMW electric sports car that kind of looks like that?

01:23:47.000 I don't like that one.

01:23:49.000 I like it.

01:23:49.000 Well, it's kind of cool looking on the outside, but the issue is it has really skinny tires, and it has piss-poor performance.

01:23:56.000 It's not a fast car.

01:23:58.000 It's a super expensive car, and it's a super space-age car, but you look at it, it's like 0 to 60 in comparison to other cars that BMW makes, like the M4, and look at its track time or trackability.

01:24:10.000 See how skinny its tires are?

01:24:11.000 See the back tires?

01:24:12.000 Oh, yeah.

01:24:13.000 Those are really skinny.

01:24:14.000 You can't get bigger?

01:24:15.000 Well, no.

01:24:16.000 That's just what it comes with.

01:24:17.000 This is not like a performance car.

01:24:19.000 It's a beautiful, sleek piece of amazing automotive engineering.

01:24:24.000 Its design is incredible.

01:24:26.000 But that's not what I like.

01:24:28.000 I like a car that looks like that and actually goes fast.

01:24:31.000 That's not... 1.00

01:24:32.000 I mean, it probably goes fast in comparison to a lot of shit. 0.96

01:24:34.000 But if you compare the numbers, I bet, to like between that and like a Porsche 911 or something like that, it's probably not even close. 0.96

01:24:42.000 Kevin did his Tesla like 0 to 70 while I was in the car and I've been in like your cars before in the past but it went like three seconds and there was no engine sound so it kind of freaked you out.

01:24:53.000 It was like being on a roller coaster.

01:24:54.000 It took my breath away.

01:24:55.000 It was like...

01:24:56.000 Yeah, those cars are ridiculously fast.

01:24:58.000 That's crazy.

01:24:59.000 And they're four-wheel drive, too, right?

01:25:00.000 Yep.

01:25:00.000 It's four-wheel drive, and it has this ridiculous engine where there's no transmission in terms of gears.

01:25:06.000 It's like a direct drive, so it just goes.

01:25:11.000 It's like instant on.

01:25:12.000 The solar roof will create enough energy to power the car.

01:25:15.000 No other vehicle sold in the U.S. has ever offered this capability.

01:25:19.000 Our owners consider our solar roof an important element in our brand identity, and we listened.

01:25:26.000 Two days.

01:25:26.000 It's about to come out.

01:25:27.000 Oh, in two days it comes out.

01:25:29.000 This whole episode has been a long commercial for this car. 0.99

01:25:34.000 That is dope, though, that the fucking car, I mean, especially in L.A. In L.A., that means you can drive that thing around all the time because it's always sunny. 0.99

01:25:43.000 So if that thing actually can power the car, that's amazing.

01:25:46.000 That does not seem right.

01:25:47.000 As soon as it hits a rock, it's going to explode.

01:25:50.000 How much is this?

01:25:51.000 Yeah, I know.

01:25:52.000 How much is this car?

01:25:53.000 I would assume we'll find out in two days.

01:25:55.000 I would bet it's over $100,000.

01:25:58.000 I think those are super expensive cars.

01:26:00.000 See if you can find out how much the car was.

01:26:03.000 Is that just the power of the car for the electronics and display, but not driving?

01:26:07.000 No, I'm saying the first one to be able to power the car.

01:26:10.000 Wow.

01:26:10.000 Yeah.

01:26:11.000 That's insane.

01:26:12.000 That is insane.

01:26:12.000 If they really did figure that out, it's over.

01:26:15.000 If you can figure out a way to make a car run, especially here where it's sunny every day, just on solar power, and you can listen to your radio, there's no restrictions, and if you're stuck in traffic, not only is it not draining your battery, it's probably better because it's not using up much energy,

01:26:31.000 but it's just being blasted by the sun and recharging. 1.00

01:26:35.000 Nighttime, you're fucked. 0.99

01:26:36.000 Yeah, but I feel like you would store enough, like a Tesla does, you know, if it kept it at 100%, it'd be just like a cell phone. 1.00

01:26:43.000 That'd be amazing, man.

01:26:44.000 If they really could figure out how to do that, that would be amazing.

01:26:48.000 I mean, that would, at least around here, in like Arizona, and places like Colorado, places where it's sunny, they would put other cars out of business.

01:26:57.000 It doesn't seem possible, though, because that's such a small solar panel that I didn't think was that powerful enough to actually power a car.

01:27:04.000 I think solar panels are getting more efficient.

01:27:07.000 Crazy, I guess.

01:27:07.000 They must be.

01:27:08.000 Well, I know that Elon Musk has this new solar bank thing that they're doing for your house where they'll put solar in your house and the batteries themselves are so much smaller than they've ever been before.

01:27:22.000 They're cool looking.

01:27:22.000 They stick to your wall.

01:27:25.000 You have them mounted on the wall, and it's not like a whole room.

01:27:29.000 You used to need a whole room filled with batteries to run a house on solar power.

01:27:34.000 It's not really that way anymore.

01:27:36.000 Just the idea that you could power a house on solar power today is crazy, but true.

01:27:42.000 So if you can power a house...

01:27:44.000 It's just a matter of time before that stuff gets better and better and better to the point where, I mean, you could probably wind up doing it in Seattle with what minimal sun comes through the clouds.

01:27:54.000 That's gonna happen.

01:27:56.000 They're going to keep making these things better, just like they've done with everything else, whether it's televisions or cell phones or cars themselves.

01:28:03.000 Cars today, dude, this is the golden era for automobiles.

01:28:08.000 People look back and say, oh, nobody designs cars like they did in the 60s to look at.

01:28:15.000 To look at.

01:28:16.000 You're right.

01:28:16.000 Yeah, those 60s cars were amazing to look at.

01:28:18.000 But try steering one of those pieces of shit. 1.00

01:28:21.000 Try hitting the brakes if a fucking stroller rolls out in front of your car. 1.00

01:28:25.000 Those things were terrible. 1.00

01:28:27.000 They were terrible handling.

01:28:29.000 They were terrible.

01:28:29.000 On every corner, the car went...

01:28:32.000 Bent sideways and then you had to like hang on to it while it righted itself.

01:28:37.000 Like the whole car was made out of like a flexible piece of aluminum tray. 1.00

01:28:42.000 They were shit. 1.00

01:28:44.000 Those cars were pieces of shit. 1.00

01:28:46.000 The design was terrible. 1.00

01:28:47.000 Like they literally would, the air would hit them when they would drive.

01:28:51.000 Not only were they not aerodynamic, they were like scoops.

01:28:55.000 There were like a sail.

01:28:56.000 It was like driving with a sail.

01:28:59.000 Like the front actually caught the air and it slowed the car down.

01:29:05.000 I don't know much about old cars.

01:29:06.000 I didn't have a dad growing up.

01:29:08.000 Oh, Tony.

01:29:10.000 Yeah.

01:29:11.000 Poor baby.

01:29:12.000 Well, I didn't learn from my dad either. 0.99

01:29:14.000 My dad really doesn't give a shit about cars. 0.99

01:29:16.000 My stepdad. 0.99

01:29:18.000 But if you've ever seen like an old... 0.81

01:29:20.000 Like show a 1970 Dodge Charger.

01:29:24.000 Here's a perfect example. 0.99

01:29:26.000 This shit is so un-aerodynamic. 1.00

01:29:29.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:29:29.000 But... 1.00

01:29:31.000 Undeniably dope.

01:29:32.000 One of my favorite movies, Death Proof.

01:29:34.000 I'm pretty sure that's around the type of car.

01:29:36.000 It's a Dodge Challenger.

01:29:37.000 That's a Challenger.

01:29:38.000 Or that's a Charger.

01:29:39.000 Yeah.

01:29:40.000 Not a Challenger.

01:29:41.000 But Kurt Russell's car in Death Proof.

01:29:42.000 Have you seen that movie?

01:29:43.000 I think that's a 70?

01:29:45.000 That's interesting.

01:29:46.000 I thought that was a 69. Maybe they did something different to the bumper.

01:29:49.000 Because a 70, it let go right above it.

01:29:51.000 Go to right above it, the black one, sorry. 0.98

01:29:53.000 That's one too, but that black one, that's a 70. See how the bumper goes around the top, all the way around like a fish with its mouth open?

01:30:02.000 I think that other one is a 69, that far left one, but that far left one is fucking beautiful. 0.98

01:30:07.000 Look at that thing. 0.97

01:30:09.000 God, I think that's a 69 though.

01:30:11.000 Unless maybe they changed the bumper. 0.99

01:30:13.000 Look how fucking sick that is. 0.99

01:30:15.000 Have you seen Death Proof? 0.99

01:30:16.000 I don't know.

01:30:17.000 Is that the Quentin Tarantino thing?

01:30:19.000 No.

01:30:19.000 You would love it.

01:30:20.000 Look what they just did.

01:30:21.000 They just reversed the picture.

01:30:23.000 Right hand, left hand drive.

01:30:24.000 They just flipped this picture around.

01:30:26.000 God, that thing's so pretty.

01:30:29.000 So that car was in that movie?

01:30:32.000 That I'm not exactly sure of, but that's the car right there.

01:30:37.000 Yeah, that's a Charger for sure.

01:30:40.000 There was one that they had in Fast and the Furious that was all bare metal.

01:30:46.000 And it cost more than a million dollars to make. 0.90

01:30:50.000 It's ridiculous. 0.80

01:30:53.000 It's silver. 0.94

01:30:55.000 Now there's a silver one.

01:30:57.000 Silver Dodge Charger.

01:30:59.000 Just Google Silver, Jamie.

01:31:02.000 Silver Dodge Charger Fast and the Furious.

01:31:05.000 Do you miss Sickfish, your old car?

01:31:07.000 No.

01:31:07.000 Is it still alive?

01:31:09.000 No, Fast and the Furious, Jamie.

01:31:12.000 Yeah, that Reggie Bush character has it.

01:31:17.000 That's it right there.

01:31:18.000 Look at that thing. 0.92

01:31:19.000 Wow.

01:31:20.000 That's cool.

01:31:20.000 There's no paint on that thing.

01:31:21.000 There's just clear coat over the bare metal, and it took forever to make.

01:31:27.000 That car took years to make.

01:31:29.000 It's like literally a rolling work of art.

01:31:34.000 It's a crazy looking car. 1.00

01:31:36.000 No, that Sick Fish was a piece of shit, man. 1.00

01:31:38.000 It looked great, but it was just not sorted out right. 1.00

01:31:41.000 It was not built correctly, and that Reggie Bush guy had to do a bunch of things to it after I did a bunch of things to it.

01:31:49.000 I keep calling him that Reggie Bush guy.

01:31:50.000 If you're hearing this, Reggie, I'm just high.

01:31:52.000 Don't listen to me, dude.

01:31:54.000 No disrespect.

01:31:55.000 Did they make electric motorcycles?

01:31:57.000 Yes.

01:31:58.000 It's a dope-looking car, though.

01:31:59.000 Yeah, I miss it.

01:32:01.000 It wasn't a fun car to drive, though.

01:32:02.000 I'll tell you that.

01:32:03.000 Is that you?

01:32:04.000 Yeah, it's me.

01:32:06.000 I was going to say, the guy looks like you're this picture.

01:32:10.000 That's how high I am.

01:32:11.000 I had that car made for a TV show in 2005 or something like that.

01:32:18.000 It was really pretty, but the insides and the way it drove, it was designed to look really pretty.

01:32:24.000 It wasn't designed to drive well.

01:32:25.000 The sound of it, when you would pull into the comedy store, that was so awesome. 0.89

01:32:29.000 It was ridiculous.

01:32:30.000 Giant engine, 528 Hemi.

01:32:33.000 Just roared.

01:32:34.000 It was like 600 and something horsepower. 1.00

01:32:36.000 Such a stupid car. 1.00

01:32:38.000 Just sounds like Joey Diaz murdering. 1.00

01:32:40.000 Yeah.

01:32:41.000 Yeah, it sounded like war.

01:32:43.000 It sounded like some death machine, you know?

01:32:45.000 It just wasn't safe.

01:32:47.000 Like, I had to get a bunch of things done to it.

01:32:49.000 The suspension detached from the frame in my driveway after I'd been on the highway going 70 miles an hour just 10 minutes before.

01:32:57.000 I pulled in, pulled into my driveway, and my car went sideways. 0.99

01:33:01.000 And I was like, what the fuck? 0.98

01:33:02.000 And I get out, and the wheel is like half hanging off and dug into the quarter, the fender. 1.00

01:33:07.000 I was like, what the fuck? 0.98

01:33:08.000 I was just on the highway. 0.99

01:33:10.000 Like, if that broke loose on the highway...

01:33:13.000 Could have easily been dead.

01:33:14.000 When you're going 70 miles an hour and you start flipping, good luck.

01:33:17.000 Who knows what's going to happen.

01:33:18.000 I was once in a car going fast on the freeway with Tripoli and all these guys were on a road trip and a tire popped.

01:33:25.000 That's crazy.

01:33:26.000 Oh yeah, man.

01:33:27.000 Dangerous.

01:33:27.000 That in itself, it's just...

01:33:29.000 Yeah, very dangerous.

01:33:30.000 Crazy.

01:33:31.000 I ran over a, you know those metal things?

01:33:34.000 Not the railroad.

01:33:36.000 When you think of a railroad tie, not the wooden piece, right?

01:33:42.000 Oh, that metal bar?

01:33:44.000 The metal stuff that would be a piece of like a railroad track?

01:33:48.000 Yeah.

01:33:48.000 Somebody had left a piece of a railroad track on the highway, like a 12-inch section of it.

01:33:54.000 And I hit that thing, and it was like someone shot my tire out with a rifle.

01:33:59.000 My car went ba-boom!

01:34:01.000 My car literally caught air.

01:34:03.000 It was a small car, too.

01:34:04.000 I think it was my Supra. 0.99

01:34:05.000 Caught air, blew my fucking wheel apart. 0.99

01:34:09.000 Like, literally blew it apart. 0.98

01:34:11.000 And blew the tire half apart, too.

01:34:12.000 And I was in the middle of the highway, and I was a mile from the exit.

01:34:16.000 And I was gonna pull over, and I was gonna call AAA. But a kid I went to high school with did that and died.

01:34:22.000 He got hit by a car.

01:34:24.000 He was on the side of the road and he was trying to change a tire and a guy just plowed right into him and killed him.

01:34:30.000 And I never forgot that.

01:34:31.000 And I just drove gangster style on a completely blown out wheel.

01:34:36.000 It was banging and sparking and it smelled like fire.

01:34:42.000 It was like bang, [...

01:34:45.000 Wow.

01:34:45.000 Just sparks and the rubber, because the rubber was like half hanging on, half hanging off.

01:34:50.000 It was just ripping and flying around when I was driving. 0.87

01:34:53.000 I drove all the way to that fucking exit and all the way to the side. 0.98

01:34:57.000 I just kept driving. 1.00

01:34:58.000 It was chewing up the sidewalk. 0.73

01:35:00.000 It was probably fucking up the road, like all the asphalt. 0.88

01:35:03.000 Asphalt's not that hard, you know? 0.95

01:35:05.000 Did it fuck your rims up or did you have to get any rims? 0.95

01:35:07.000 Oh, the rim's dead. 0.98

01:35:07.000 Yeah, there was no rim left. 0.98

01:35:09.000 Jeez.

01:35:09.000 It wasn't a rim anymore.

01:35:10.000 I mean, the whole outside of it was completely destroyed.

01:35:14.000 I fucked up a lot of suspension parts, too, I think, if I remember correctly. 0.99

01:35:18.000 They towed it and fixed it, but I was like, at least I'm alive, bitch. 0.99

01:35:21.000 I would way rather, or I would have left it there and just ran down the side of the road and made sure I was way off to the right. 0.99

01:35:30.000 I'm not staying in my fucking car on the road. 0.99

01:35:32.000 It's just... 1.00

01:35:33.000 Too goddamn dangerous, especially today. 0.99

01:35:35.000 I see so many people fucking on their phones, driving on the highway at night, where you see their face lit up by the phone. 1.00

01:35:43.000 It's so distracting. 0.99

01:35:44.000 I mean, you see cops with their lights on getting hit continuously.

01:35:48.000 So, I mean, a normal car, it's gotta happen all the time.

01:35:52.000 Yeah.

01:35:53.000 Yeah, it's happening all the time.

01:35:54.000 But, um... 0.99

01:35:56.000 Yeah, so that was the most fucked up thing I ever drove over in my car, but goddamn, that was loud. 0.99

01:36:01.000 Like, BLAM! I saw it too, like last second. 0.99

01:36:05.000 I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck! 1.00

01:36:06.000 Like, you know, you just realize there's not a goddamn thing you can do. 1.00

01:36:09.000 If you swerve and you don't hit that... 0.92

01:36:11.000 I was like, if I swerve, I'm probably going to flip this car. 0.99

01:36:14.000 Or something fucked up is going to happen. 0.97

01:36:16.000 I'm definitely going to lose control of it. 0.99

01:36:17.000 I might be able to just ride out this impact.

01:36:20.000 That's what I wound up doing, but oof.

01:36:24.000 That's nothing.

01:36:25.000 That's nothing.

01:36:26.000 You know, I watched this video once of this car.

01:36:30.000 It was on a snowy road, and they were driving in one direction, and there's a semi driving in the other direction, and the car on the snowy road starts fishtailing, and they lose control of the car, and they go right into the oncoming lane and get hit by a semi and literally disintegrate.

01:36:45.000 It is one of the best examples of how fleeting life can be.

01:36:49.000 Like, you're watching these people, they're driving this car, and then it goes sideways, and then, zoom!

01:36:54.000 They're facing the truck, and the truck hits them head-on, 60 miles an hour.

01:37:01.000 Boom! 0.99

01:37:02.000 Over.

01:37:02.000 It just destroys the car.

01:37:04.000 The car just becomes like little pieces of things that go all up in the air.

01:37:08.000 It's, uh... 0.99

01:37:10.000 It's fucked up to look at, man. 0.96

01:37:12.000 This weekend I did the Oddball Comedy Fest in Detroit, Chicago, and Toronto, and Brian Regan has his own tour bus. 0.99

01:37:22.000 That stuff is crazy.

01:37:26.000 Because you don't even feel like you're moving at all.

01:37:29.000 You're just chilling, hanging out.

01:37:31.000 Oh, you're just hanging like in his apartment.

01:37:32.000 Yeah, he has like a real state-of-the-art one like the newest newest newest and he helped design it all this stuff like he like got to like play architect with it like I want this there I want to counter their chairs there make those captain chairs instead of couches and it was just It was like being in the future because you're moving in a house that It doesn't feel like it's moving.

01:37:56.000 So does he stay in hotels or does he just stay in his tour bus all the time?

01:37:58.000 Stays in the tour bus, has a master bedroom, has everything.

01:38:02.000 You don't ever need to do anything again.

01:38:04.000 What a weird relationship he has with that guy who drives him around now.

01:38:07.000 The guy that drives him around is a second generation tour bus driver.

01:38:11.000 He's been doing it 30 years.

01:38:13.000 His father was a tour bus driver for all these big things.

01:38:16.000 And he basically bought him.

01:38:18.000 It's like when he's on tour, that's his guy.

01:38:21.000 And he's a super pro.

01:38:23.000 So he knows what he's doing like a surgeon.

01:38:25.000 And he's cool.

01:38:26.000 Obviously, he doesn't bother him or whatever.

01:38:28.000 You know what I mean?

01:38:30.000 What a weird life.

01:38:31.000 It is unbelievable.

01:38:33.000 And it's the best thing ever because you know how after a show we have to go back to the hotel and then the next morning you have to get up and go to the airport and that takes an hour and then you have to spend an hour there early.

01:38:45.000 He leaves the venue and immediately outside of whatever the closest back door is is the door to his bus which is the house So then you leave the venue and you're immediately at your own after party.

01:38:59.000 You're immediately where you want to be.

01:39:01.000 Whoever you invite can come with you, but you leave then.

01:39:04.000 And that driver drives all night to wherever you want him to.

01:39:07.000 And you wake up the next morning in your bed.

01:39:10.000 At your destination.

01:39:12.000 Instead of waking up at a hotel and having to go to the airport, and then having to get on the plane, and then having to get out of LAX or wherever you are, you just walk out that door that you walked in from the venue, you walk out the door again, and you're at your house.

01:39:26.000 Yeah.

01:39:27.000 I realize that this is the actual, like, new goals.

01:39:30.000 I got new goals.

01:39:31.000 It's called bus goals.

01:39:33.000 Bus goals.

01:39:33.000 You're trying to sleep, he slams on the brakes, you wake up, you get in a car accident, you catch on fire.

01:39:39.000 Didn't Ralphie have a bus?

01:39:40.000 Ralphie is a bus.

01:39:43.000 Ralphie is a mansion.

01:39:45.000 No, yeah, Ralphie has a bus.

01:39:46.000 But this, and it's cool.

01:39:49.000 But this bus, I've been on some cool buses.

01:39:51.000 I'm friends with John Rich, who's like a huge country music star.

01:39:53.000 Awesome bus.

01:39:54.000 But this bus?

01:39:56.000 State of the art.

01:39:57.000 Kevin James has a bus.

01:39:59.000 He did the bus thing for a while.

01:40:01.000 He had a bus, and he would bring the bus to movie sets, too.

01:40:04.000 You know, like, his kids could hang out in the bus.

01:40:06.000 Bus was dope.

01:40:07.000 Fully set up.

01:40:08.000 And then he drove across the country in the bus, and what he did was, his family was on the bus, and he was behind them on a motorcycle. 0.97

01:40:16.000 So it's like, so he could just ride his Harley on the fucking highway, right behind the bus, across the country. 0.97

01:40:23.000 He's just living fantasies at this point. 0.98

01:40:27.000 Can I put a Sea-Doo on top of my bus and, uh...

01:40:31.000 Yeah.

01:40:31.000 But yeah, it's crazy.

01:40:33.000 You ever work with Brian Regan?

01:40:34.000 Yeah.

01:40:35.000 Well, I've done some stuff with him.

01:40:36.000 He's done this podcast.

01:40:37.000 I know I've done some gigs with him back in New York, like back in the day.

01:40:40.000 He's a great guy.

01:40:41.000 He was so much fun.

01:40:45.000 You know, I've gotten to like meet all my heroes.

01:40:47.000 Ron White's been hanging out like an animal at the store, which is Super surreal because it was him and Brian Regan were our Comedy Central guys growing up.

01:40:54.000 You know, that's sort of like all you had that wasn't on HBO. So, like, you know, it was a super surreal weekend because he was very Ron White-esque.

01:41:04.000 You know what I'm talking about?

01:41:05.000 Like, he's down to hang with comedians.

01:41:07.000 He's funny all the time.

01:41:09.000 He's not one of those guys that, like, shuts down.

01:41:13.000 And he was just a blast.

01:41:15.000 Like, he is that guy.

01:41:16.000 So, like, if there's ever a dull moment, he can pretty much say anything, and it's funny, because it's just sort of like, you know, and it's just boom.

01:41:24.000 He's just laying everybody out.

01:41:26.000 It was a blast.

01:41:27.000 It was one of those great ones.

01:41:28.000 Like, they say don't meet your heroes, but, like, he was a fun one.

01:41:32.000 Yeah, you can meet some of them.

01:41:34.000 You can meet Ron White.

01:41:35.000 Yeah.

01:41:37.000 Yeah, it's a cool time at the store with guys like Ron White hanging out.

01:41:43.000 Everybody's hanging out there now.

01:41:44.000 It's crazy.

01:41:45.000 I told Brian Regan all about it.

01:41:46.000 I said, you know, you have to come.

01:41:48.000 What does he do when he does LA? I don't think he does.

01:41:53.000 I don't think he really does it.

01:41:55.000 If he does, I'm sure it's like the Wiltern or something like that.

01:41:58.000 Well, when I was talking to him, he was saying he pretty much just kind of writes and does the material at his shows. 0.97

01:42:05.000 You know, he just writes new shit and does it at his shows in front of his audiences. 0.98

01:42:09.000 I'll tell you this. 0.99

01:42:10.000 It was my second year doing these oddballs and I've never seen comedians or myself.

01:42:15.000 I haven't laughed like I was laughing at him since I was a child.

01:42:19.000 Since I very first started stand-up.

01:42:22.000 You know how when you really start and you're watching guys for the first time and you're just dying?

01:42:25.000 You're like, how are they doing that?

01:42:27.000 It was like that.

01:42:28.000 Just his premises, his...

01:42:31.000 Delivery is everything.

01:42:33.000 It was surreal to watch.

01:42:34.000 Every single joke that he went into, I thought to myself, how have I never thought of that?

01:42:39.000 One of those things where over and over and over again, you're like, whoa, he's about to talk about that?

01:42:44.000 I thought only I noticed that.

01:42:46.000 And boom, you're watching an amphitheater just continuously.

01:42:52.000 He's constantly touring, too.

01:42:54.000 Yeah.

01:42:54.000 I mean, Brian, he's everywhere.

01:42:56.000 Like, that's all he does now.

01:42:57.000 It's interesting, because he's one of those guys that, like, I feel like Bill Burr and Chappelle are always in the thing, you know what I mean?

01:43:02.000 But he is...

01:43:04.000 I mean, I'm not saying he's better or whatever, but I mean, like...

01:43:06.000 No, he's fantastic.

01:43:07.000 Yeah.

01:43:07.000 You know what the difference is, though?

01:43:08.000 He's clean.

01:43:09.000 Yeah.

01:43:09.000 And so people think of him as being not as funny because he's clean.

01:43:13.000 Because you go, oh, well, you can take your kids to go see Brian Regan.

01:43:16.000 It doesn't matter. 1.00

01:43:17.000 He's a killer. 1.00

01:43:18.000 Lays them out. 1.00

01:43:19.000 You don't even notice that he's not clean.

01:43:21.000 No.

01:43:21.000 Or that he is clean because he's so funny.

01:43:23.000 It's totally irrelevant.

01:43:24.000 Yeah.

01:43:25.000 Yeah, it's just funny.

01:43:26.000 But there's been a lot of guys like that.

01:43:27.000 Like Mitch Hedberg is a perfect example of that.

01:43:29.000 Mitch Hedberg, people forget, was very clean.

01:43:32.000 He hardly ever swore, and if he did, it was totally unnecessary.

01:43:35.000 He was just having fun.

01:43:36.000 Like, Mitch's jokes were all, like, surreal weirdo jokes, you know?

01:43:40.000 There's been a lot of people like that.

01:43:43.000 Like, Jerry Seinfeld, perfect example, you know?

01:43:45.000 Not only was he clean, like, he didn't even ever touch on controversial subjects.

01:43:51.000 I had to follow him at the comedy store a few weeks ago talking about Mitzi Shore and how she has Parkinson's and she said he wasn't funny three decades before.

01:44:00.000 Whoa.

01:44:00.000 It was unbelievable.

01:44:02.000 Out of everything I've done in stand-up in nine years, I've never been in a tougher position than following Jerry Seinfeld.

01:44:07.000 I always like following good people, but he just went off on a rant about how this lady that owns this club told me...

01:44:16.000 38 years ago, whatever it was, some crazy number.

01:44:19.000 I know it's more than 30, like 34, 36 years.

01:44:21.000 She told me 37 years ago that I wasn't funny.

01:44:24.000 What's the deal with that?

01:44:26.000 You know what I mean?

01:44:27.000 Like the room was just dying.

01:44:29.000 It was crazy.

01:44:31.000 Speaking of dying.

01:44:31.000 And then he basically dropped the mic and I had to go up there.

01:44:34.000 It was horrendous.

01:44:35.000 Speaking of dying.

01:44:37.000 Tell me about Ann Coulter.

01:44:39.000 Oh, yeah.

01:44:40.000 That's what I'm dealing with all day.

01:44:42.000 This Ann Coulter situation.

01:44:43.000 So Ann Coulter was at the Roast of Rob Lowe.

01:44:45.000 It wasn't live, right?

01:44:46.000 No, it was on last night.

01:44:47.000 But when did they film it?

01:44:49.000 Last Saturday.

01:44:50.000 Last Saturday.

01:44:51.000 So only a week away.

01:44:52.000 Yeah.

01:44:53.000 So what happened?

01:44:55.000 Well, you know, this is the sixth roast that I've written for, the third one that I've been a staff writer on, and it's always interesting when someone gets booked, you know, what's gonna happen, blah blah blah blah, and Ann Coulter was one of the last bookings that we had, and We're good to go.

01:45:30.000 Anyway, she bombed really bad.

01:45:32.000 She bombed really bad, but what was she trying to avoid?

01:45:34.000 Like when you said she didn't want to do what they wanted her to do.

01:45:37.000 Well, we wanted her to write.

01:45:39.000 We had stuff in her voice, like with her angle, and a little bit of self-deprecating at the top.

01:45:45.000 You know what I mean?

01:45:46.000 Right.

01:45:46.000 It was supposed to be like, hey, I'm Ann Coulter.

01:45:49.000 You know, you might be wondering why I'm here at the Rob Lowe roast.

01:45:52.000 It's because it's the first time that I'm not the most hated person in the room.

01:45:57.000 You know, sort of like, put it off on her.

01:46:00.000 You've got to acknowledge who you are.

01:46:02.000 But instead, she's like, nah, I don't like that. 0.99

01:46:04.000 I'm not going to shit on myself. 0.99

01:46:09.000 It's a roast. 0.98

01:46:10.000 Why would I do that?

01:46:11.000 That's what she said.

01:46:11.000 No awareness.

01:46:12.000 There's no...

01:46:13.000 I mean, those weren't her exact words, but she just said she wasn't going to do that.

01:46:17.000 She would just cut out...

01:46:18.000 You go back and forth via emails, and then all of a sudden all the good stuff is cut out, and there's bad stuff, and some of the stuff's rewritten.

01:46:25.000 Did you meet her in real life?

01:46:27.000 Yeah.

01:46:27.000 Did you meet her in real life before the actual roast, or the day of?

01:46:30.000 The day of.

01:46:31.000 I talked to her on the phone five days out, which she was okay on that.

01:46:36.000 She's like laughing at the script, but then once it's in email, you know, she rewrote it.

01:46:40.000 It was bad.

01:46:41.000 Do you really think that she's less hated than Rob Lowe?

01:46:45.000 No.

01:46:45.000 Not at all.

01:46:46.000 Everyone loves Rob Lowe.

01:46:49.000 Who is the most hated person in the room besides her? 0.67

01:46:53.000 Was the joke about Rob Lowe?

01:46:54.000 Yeah, the joke is like, you know, she's saying that she's hated.

01:46:59.000 She's acknowledging that.

01:47:01.000 And she's saying that Rob Lowe's hated, so it's a joke.

01:47:05.000 That part doesn't need to be funny, though. 1.00

01:47:07.000 We just needed her to acknowledge that she's a piece of shit. 1.00

01:47:11.000 And she didn't want to do that. 1.00

01:47:13.000 Instead, she came out and literally is like, you might be wondering why I'm here.

01:47:17.000 It couldn't possibly be to promote my new book. 0.96

01:47:20.000 And she leans down all awkwardly and pulls out Her shitty book, In Trump We Trust, E Pluribus Awesome. 0.97

01:47:27.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 0.98

01:47:31.000 Her new book is In Trump We Trust.

01:47:34.000 Yeah.

01:47:35.000 Wait for it.

01:47:36.000 E Pluribus Awesome.

01:47:38.000 That's like the tag of the book.

01:47:40.000 Wow.

01:47:41.000 And she said it.

01:47:41.000 And just the roar of booze from this crowd.

01:47:44.000 What is this book?

01:47:46.000 She loves Trump.

01:47:47.000 You ready for this? 1.00

01:47:48.000 She's catching in on that Trump shit money. 1.00

01:47:49.000 She wrote, that is her 11th book. 1.00

01:47:52.000 She's written 11 books.

01:47:53.000 She's worth a good amount of money. 1.00

01:47:56.000 Jesus Christ.

01:47:57.000 What was the purpose of having her on the roast to begin with?

01:48:01.000 It seems like the roasts have always had kind of like a goat.

01:48:04.000 You know, like Jersey Shore, they had the situation on the Trump roast.

01:48:08.000 They had that one.

01:48:08.000 Pull that back up.

01:48:10.000 I want to read this description.

01:48:12.000 Make it smaller.

01:48:13.000 There we go.

01:48:14.000 Donald Trump isn't a politician. 0.71

01:48:16.000 He's a one-man wrecking ball against our dysfunctional and corrupt establishment.

01:48:20.000 We're about to see the deluxe version of the left's favorite theme. 1.00

01:48:23.000 Vote for us, or we'll call you stupid. 1.00

01:48:26.000 It's the working class against the smirking class. 1.00

01:48:29.000 Now, Ann Coulter, with her unique insight, candor, and sense of humor...

01:48:35.000 Makes the definitive case for why we should all join his revolution.

01:48:40.000 Wow, she just bent over. 0.99

01:48:44.000 She bent over for the man who might be king.

01:48:48.000 Yeah, she wants to play that character, but... 0.99

01:48:51.000 Well, if he wins and she wrote a book like that, she's in deep, deep, deep, deep, deep.

01:48:56.000 She would be the one to defend him every time there's any sort of a public...

01:49:00.000 He doesn't like her, by the way.

01:49:02.000 He doesn't like her.

01:49:03.000 He doesn't like her.

01:49:04.000 And one of the really funny things is that he changed his immigration policy, like, tweaked the tone of it the day before that book came out, and it sort of, like, messed things up.

01:49:15.000 For her book?

01:49:16.000 Yeah, because he's sort of, like, you know, this book's, like, all about, like, Yeah, don't let anybody in.

01:49:22.000 Zero immigration. 1.00

01:49:24.000 And he was sort of just like, you know, he visited Mexico like out of nowhere, like the day before her book came out.

01:49:30.000 And she's like, uh, you know, it just wasn't good press for her.

01:49:33.000 What is he saying now?

01:49:34.000 He's saying the Mexicans have to leave and they're going to have to go through the proper channels in order to legally immigrate to the United States.

01:49:41.000 You're going to have to go back to Mexico first. 1.00

01:49:43.000 Hmm.

01:49:44.000 He knows no one's doing that.

01:49:46.000 No one's going back to Mexico, dude.

01:49:48.000 Stop.

01:49:49.000 Definitely not.

01:49:49.000 Did you know that...

01:49:50.000 Who was it that tweeted this?

01:49:53.000 Pete Dominick tweeted this.

01:49:54.000 That there is like a literal 0% gross migration from Mexico.

01:50:02.000 Like, the amount of people that come over here from Mexico versus the amount of people that leave here and go to Mexico, it evens out.

01:50:10.000 There's like a zero percent migration.

01:50:13.000 That sounds like a study written by a Mexican.

01:50:18.000 Well, I was wondering whether or not it takes into account illegal immigration, and if it does, how could they possibly know what the numbers are?

01:50:24.000 They don't.

01:50:24.000 It seems like they don't.

01:50:25.000 Otherwise, you're watching the people come in, you're counting them, and then you know where they are.

01:50:29.000 Then you're like a part of the problem.

01:50:31.000 You're like letting them come over the border. 0.90

01:50:33.000 Like, how many people come over the border every day and get away with it?

01:50:36.000 A lot.

01:50:37.000 Oh, yeah.

01:50:38.000 I know like five people that came over here from Mexico.

01:50:42.000 They just come over.

01:50:43.000 Yeah, they just come over.

01:50:45.000 Yeah, I mean, I think I would too, for sure.

01:50:49.000 I just think there's two ways to handle this, is what I think.

01:50:54.000 I think if you want to go into the magical mystery world of impossible ideas, the best impossible ideas...

01:51:03.000 Help Mexico so much that they don't want to come over here. 1.00

01:51:06.000 Because it's awesome over there, too.

01:51:08.000 Like, help them figure out how to make Mexico awesome.

01:51:11.000 But they're not going to do that.

01:51:12.000 Because the best way to get people to work for a buck a day in some fucking Under Armour factory or Nike factory or whatever they do down in Japan, which is totally legal, you know, if they want to do that down in Mexico or... 0.81

01:51:25.000 Yeah, I mean a bunch of companies make shit down in Mexico and the reason why they do it is they bring jobs to impoverished communities These people get a chance to make money more than they ever would have made on their own without these plants But they're working for significantly less than they would if they were living in the United States So it gets it gets real weird. 0.92

01:51:45.000 It's like Is it better for them than it used to be? 0.70

01:51:49.000 Absolutely.

01:51:50.000 But is it as good for them as it is here? 1.00

01:51:52.000 Fuck no! 0.98

01:51:53.000 Well, is it okay for a company to keep people in a position where they're never going to be in as good a position as they would if they were working in the United States with our laws? 0.99

01:52:02.000 Is it okay?

01:52:03.000 I don't know.

01:52:04.000 I don't know.

01:52:05.000 It's true.

01:52:05.000 If you buy an iPhone, you're kind of a part of the problem.

01:52:08.000 If you're buying sneakers, most likely.

01:52:10.000 They're not making sneakers in Columbus.

01:52:13.000 Do they have iPhones in Mexico?

01:52:15.000 They make them.

01:52:16.000 No.

01:52:16.000 They make some of them.

01:52:17.000 Do they make some of them in Mexico?

01:52:19.000 Some of them in China.

01:52:20.000 What if they jump off in Mexico? 1.00

01:52:21.000 No, because they're fucking hard-working people. 1.00

01:52:23.000 They're not going to dive off the building like a pussy. 1.00

01:52:25.000 They're going to finish their job, and they're going to have some tequila and party. 1.00

01:52:29.000 Yeah.

01:52:31.000 They do that.

01:52:32.000 Mexicans have fun. 0.99

01:52:33.000 They're the wrong people to hate.

01:52:35.000 Mexicans have awesome food. 0.97

01:52:37.000 They're festive.

01:52:38.000 They're very family-oriented.

01:52:40.000 I mean, yeah, there's drug violence, but that's just human beings.

01:52:44.000 The Mexican culture is... 1.00

01:52:46.000 They're pretty fucking chill. 1.00

01:52:47.000 As far as having neighbors, dude, your next-door neighbors could be some crazy North Koreans that want to kill you. 1.00

01:52:56.000 If you're living in South Korea, you've got real immigration problems. 0.96

01:52:59.000 You've got a real problem with your border, because you've got North Korea and South Korea. 1.00

01:53:02.000 Your fucking next-door neighbors run by a murderous dictator. 1.00

01:53:06.000 That's worse! 1.00

01:53:08.000 That's way worse!

01:53:10.000 What do we got?

01:53:10.000 We got beaches?

01:53:12.000 Taco stands? 0.99

01:53:13.000 People are cool as fuck. 0.99

01:53:14.000 They like bullfighting. 0.99

01:53:14.000 That's a little weird. 0.99

01:53:16.000 Dude, that's the best. 1.00

01:53:18.000 That's the shit. 1.00

01:53:19.000 I watched an amazing documentary on Netflix about bullfighting. 1.00

01:53:23.000 What an...

01:53:23.000 I sort of want to go see it, but I want to go to Spain to see it, I think.

01:53:27.000 The big ones are in Spain.

01:53:28.000 You're gonna have to do it soon. 0.99

01:53:30.000 I have a feeling they're gonna slowly make that shit illegal. 0.99

01:53:32.000 People, there's so much pressure. 1.00

01:53:33.000 Wait till you see the...

01:53:34.000 I mean, there's stadiums filled.

01:53:36.000 I mean, it's like...

01:53:37.000 No, I understand.

01:53:38.000 But there's also a lot of protesters, even in these European countries, where it's been a tradition. 0.99

01:53:44.000 It's a fucked up way for these animals to die. 0.98

01:53:47.000 It is very weird. 0.99

01:53:49.000 I mean, occasionally the matador gets it, and that's something that you don't see in America.

01:53:54.000 There's not a single thing that we do where you have that much of a possibility of getting murked by a huge animal with horns on its head.

01:54:02.000 I mean, bull riding, I guess, sort of, but...

01:54:05.000 I guess those guys do get stomped. 1.00

01:54:07.000 Yeah, they do.

01:54:07.000 But they're not trying to kill the bull.

01:54:09.000 It's a totally different kind of an exchange.

01:54:11.000 The bull rider is a guy who's just trying to hang on for eight seconds. 0.99

01:54:14.000 The matador, I mean, that shit will take a while. 1.00

01:54:17.000 And they're going to stab the fuck out of the thing. 1.00

01:54:19.000 People are going to hand him different swords. 1.00

01:54:21.000 He's going to try to stab it in the back of the neck. 0.98

01:54:24.000 And you've got a bunch of people that are helping him, too. 0.99

01:54:26.000 And they're poisoning that thing and throwing poison darts into it.

01:54:29.000 Yeah.

01:54:30.000 And to get bigger, to get more famous as a matador, you take more chances.

01:54:37.000 There's this thing, one move, where you just get down on your knees and spread your legs before they let the bowl out.

01:54:44.000 And your whole thing is like that first move because it comes out of the...

01:54:47.000 You see it coming around the corner when they release it.

01:54:49.000 And you have your back to the bull?

01:54:51.000 You are starting like...

01:54:53.000 Yeah, like down.

01:54:54.000 Not back to the bull.

01:54:56.000 That would be the gangster move.

01:54:57.000 You're down on your knees.

01:54:58.000 Someone's got to do it that way.

01:55:00.000 Put your back to the bull like...

01:55:01.000 I think that's a little...

01:55:03.000 Like blade.

01:55:04.000 Wesley Snipes? 0.99

01:55:06.000 Just jump up and slice its neck off as it comes towards you. 0.98

01:55:08.000 Celebrity Matador would be a great show. 0.99

01:55:11.000 Wesley Snipes versus a bull... 1.00

01:55:12.000 Did you see the most recent bull attack matador thing where it went up his asshole? 1.00

01:55:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:55:18.000 The horn literally went up his asshole, tore his insides apart, and this thing is just ragdolling him with a horn in his asshole. 1.00

01:55:26.000 God. 1.00

01:55:27.000 I think he died.

01:55:28.000 Yeah, I think he did too.

01:55:29.000 He died, right?

01:55:29.000 Yeah.

01:55:30.000 Whoops.

01:55:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:55:32.000 I mean, that shit can happen. 1.00

01:55:35.000 But, I mean, I think they eat the bowl. 1.00

01:55:37.000 But it's just a fucked up way to do it. 0.98

01:55:39.000 I guess it's a tradition, but you gotta think this is like a barbaric tradition from days gone by when people didn't know any better. 0.99

01:55:48.000 It's a very slow death, too.

01:55:50.000 Did they eat all those dead reindeers that got electrocuted by lightning?

01:55:53.000 That's a good question.

01:55:53.000 I was thinking about that.

01:55:54.000 Is reindeer good meat?

01:55:55.000 Yeah, it's caribou.

01:55:57.000 Reindeer and caribou are basically the same thing.

01:55:59.000 It's just different names for it.

01:56:00.000 Caribou is one of the most delicious of all game animals, apparently.

01:56:04.000 They're also one of the rare deer where the females have antlers, too. 1.00

01:56:10.000 Like, the male and the female have antlers. 0.87

01:56:12.000 They all have antlers.

01:56:14.000 It's to fight off wolves, apparently.

01:56:16.000 So the males have antlers to, like, headbutt each other. 1.00

01:56:19.000 I'm like, what, bitch? 1.00

01:56:21.000 But the females have antlers to, like, protect their children. 1.00

01:56:24.000 Maybe that's just a theory.

01:56:26.000 Maybe they're all androgynous. 1.00

01:56:28.000 Maybe they're just living up in the tundra that just makes hard bitches. 1.00

01:56:31.000 A lot of the women in Alaska look like they could be. 1.00

01:56:34.000 It's Pat. 0.99

01:56:35.000 Even the female deers are giant lesbians. 1.00

01:56:40.000 It's a hard life up there for a caribou. 0.99

01:56:42.000 Plus, they're all in this migration.

01:56:44.000 So when you see caribous marching across the field, you'll see maybe even hundreds of them, but they're all in a line. 0.98

01:56:50.000 There's a line of them.

01:56:51.000 So you see them coming from a mile away.

01:56:53.000 So you just get in position, find out where they're going to be, go down past where they are right now.

01:56:58.000 They seem to be going in this direction.

01:57:00.000 Sit down, wait, set the gun up, and let them walk close.

01:57:04.000 That's what people do.

01:57:05.000 They let them walk close and ba-blang! 0.98

01:57:08.000 Blam, blam, we're eating ham.

01:57:12.000 Delicious ham.

01:57:13.000 So good though.

01:57:14.000 Caribou's delicious.

01:57:16.000 So 300 of them died because they were all in a rainstorm and they were all on wet grass and the electricity hit, the lightning bolt hit and they all got cooked.

01:57:25.000 That would have been a crazy video.

01:57:26.000 It says there was five still walking around when they showed up, too.

01:57:29.000 But they had to put them down.

01:57:31.000 Why? 1.00

01:57:32.000 Because they saw too much crazy shit? 1.00

01:57:34.000 With PTSD. They were like, Vietnam bats. 1.00

01:57:38.000 Fuck, man. 1.00

01:57:40.000 Look what they did to my crew! 1.00

01:57:42.000 They were all sad.

01:57:44.000 Caraboo who? 0.99

01:57:45.000 Lightning is fucking crazy. 0.91

01:57:47.000 You really stop and think about the fact that there are these things that float in the sky and out of them come impossibly powerful beams of electricity that split trees down the middle and cook people. 0.96

01:58:00.000 My friend Remy, who I was talking about earlier, where his dad owns that Line-X place, he got hit by lightning when he was in high school.

01:58:09.000 And he, uh, he talked about it on the podcast, and he said it was just, like, he didn't even realize what happened until after it happened, like, way after it happened.

01:58:17.000 He was just trying to come to, try to figure out why the fuck he was on the ground, and, like, what happened?

01:58:22.000 Like, it just shuts. 0.99

01:58:23.000 Your whole system just gets barbecued!

01:58:26.000 Where I'm from in Youngstown, Ohio, we had this old legendary guy called Green Guy, and he got struck by lightning as a kid and literally was green forever.

01:58:36.000 What?

01:58:36.000 Some green dude.

01:58:39.000 What, he was a real guy?

01:58:40.000 Yeah, a real guy that was just green.

01:58:42.000 Maybe he was purple.

01:58:43.000 It's been a long time, but...

01:58:45.000 Purple guy or green guy?

01:58:46.000 Here it is.

01:58:47.000 There you go.

01:58:47.000 Green guy.

01:58:48.000 Green man.

01:58:49.000 That's him?

01:58:50.000 Where's that photo?

01:58:51.000 That says Western Pennsylvania, but that's next to me.

01:58:54.000 I'm in Eastern Ohio.

01:58:55.000 Jamie, what's that photo?

01:58:56.000 Beaver Falls, yeah.

01:58:59.000 He looks like Snoopy or something.

01:59:01.000 He lost his face?

01:59:03.000 Is that what it is?

01:59:03.000 This is a black and white picture, so you can't really tell that he's green.

01:59:06.000 Find a better version of the story so you can read it.

01:59:09.000 He lost his eyes, nose, and one arm.

01:59:12.000 Oh yeah, he got electrocuted.

01:59:14.000 That's what it is.

01:59:15.000 There was a story that I was seeing on some...

01:59:19.000 I believe it was a YouTube video the other day of this guy who was hiking and he saw a bear that was dead.

01:59:25.000 This giant bear.

01:59:27.000 And he went up to it and poked it with his knife.

01:59:31.000 And immediately exploded in electricity.

01:59:34.000 He lost his arm, lost his vision, lost, I think it lost his hearing, might have lost one of his legs.

01:59:39.000 Just got hit with an impossible bolt of electricity because the bear had dug into a power wire and bitten into the power wire and he just, by touching it with his knife, he just tapped right into that power and blew his arm completely off of his body.

01:59:54.000 Yeah.

01:59:55.000 I've seen, you know, a few of those videos.

01:59:57.000 And what's crazy about electricity also that a lot of people don't factor in is that it sticks you right where you are.

02:00:02.000 I once got electrocuted really badly at my grandma's house when I was a kid.

02:00:07.000 You know, she had like these old, those old type of light bulbs that were like old.

02:00:12.000 Oh, fluorescent ones.

02:00:13.000 Yeah, fluorescent ones.

02:00:13.000 Those tubes.

02:00:14.000 Yeah, they were like...

02:00:14.000 Yeah.

02:00:16.000 And, you know, a little metal handle on the sink.

02:00:19.000 And I remember I grabbed the handle and bam!

02:00:21.000 And you can't get your hand off the handle.

02:00:23.000 That's the thing with electricity is you're stuck. 0.95

02:00:25.000 So you're like, this sucks!

02:00:27.000 And you can't pull away. 0.97

02:00:29.000 You're trying, but it sticks you there. 0.98

02:00:32.000 So imagine, like, a lot of people have just had creepy fucking deaths from electricity. 0.98

02:00:37.000 You can't get away from it. 0.99

02:00:39.000 It keeps you there.

02:00:39.000 Yeah.

02:00:40.000 Electric fence.

02:00:40.000 When I was a kid, I was trying to climb up this fence to...

02:00:48.000 It's like five seconds, but it feels like forever.

02:00:53.000 Electricity is so bizarre.

02:00:55.000 The fact that we have electrical signals in our own body and that electricity is in everyone's house.

02:01:00.000 Like this room.

02:01:01.000 Think about how much you take electricity for granted, but how much it shapes modern life.

02:01:06.000 It's very rare you're not around electricity.

02:01:09.000 But electricity itself is only like a couple of hundred years old.

02:01:12.000 Like as an invention, like people harnessing it.

02:01:15.000 Like what the Ben Franklin...

02:01:16.000 When was that experiment, if you had to guess?

02:01:18.000 When did Ben Franklin have that kite with the key hanging from it?

02:01:26.000 1760. 1760. I would say...

02:01:30.000 Wow, that's a crazy one to think of.

02:01:34.000 1876. Well, he was like a 1776 guy, right?

02:01:37.000 He said he was a part of the...

02:01:39.000 He was one of the founding fathers, so...

02:01:43.000 1752. 1752, this motherfucker's out there with a kite. 1.00

02:01:47.000 First of all, how baller must America have been back then? 1.00

02:01:50.000 Just no lights.

02:01:53.000 Benjamin Franklin was a beast, man.

02:01:55.000 He did, like, a lot of stuff. 0.62

02:01:57.000 Smoked a lot of weed.

02:01:58.000 Is that true?

02:01:59.000 Yep, I just made it up.

02:02:00.000 That's from, like, Dazed and Confused or something, how high that was.

02:02:05.000 Huge pod head.

02:02:06.000 Who else flies a kite?

02:02:07.000 You guys are talking over each other, Jamie.

02:02:08.000 What did you say?

02:02:09.000 That was in How High, that was this bong at the end of the Method Man movie. 1.00

02:02:15.000 It probably was a pothead because...

02:02:17.000 I think he grew it, didn't he?

02:02:18.000 Yeah, I think so, for sure.

02:02:20.000 Yeah, if you Google Ben Franklin weed, I'm pretty sure he, like, not only did he grow it, I think he talked about smoking it.

02:02:27.000 Dazed and Confused, there was that whole scene about how he grew weed and smoked it.

02:02:31.000 Yeah, Ben Franklin, man, he grew his weed.

02:02:35.000 They all were getting high back then.

02:02:36.000 Of course, they knew about it.

02:02:38.000 If they knew about it, they were using it.

02:02:40.000 It just didn't have the stigma it does today.

02:02:42.000 America's founding fathers loved hemp.

02:02:44.000 Yeah, didn't he write something?

02:02:45.000 George Washington wrote something about it as well?

02:02:48.000 I sort of saw it said that he had a hemp paper mill.

02:02:51.000 Yeah, man.

02:02:52.000 But this is back when they, you know, the whole thing that fucked hemp up was the cotton gin. 0.99

02:02:59.000 When Eli Whitney came up with a cotton gin, it made it easier for them to process cotton, because before they had to use slaves. 0.99

02:03:05.000 And it was, you know, it was a real pain in the ass. 0.99

02:03:08.000 And the same thing with hemp. 0.99

02:03:10.000 Like, what they had to use with hemp was they used to have to beat it down to get to the fiber.

02:03:15.000 You used to have to smash it, and it was like a long, laborious process.

02:03:19.000 But that's what they used for everything.

02:03:21.000 The reason why canvas is called canvas is from the word cannabis.

02:03:26.000 Like hemp is what the actual paper that's used to make canvas.

02:03:31.000 Like when you make a painting, you see like the Leonardo da Vinci paintings or Mona Lisa or something like that.

02:03:38.000 That stuff is all on hemp.

02:03:41.000 Like, they made them on hemp.

02:03:42.000 Like, one of the first drafts of the Declaration of Independence, they wrote it on hemp, because hemp paper was real common.

02:03:48.000 But then they came up with a more economically efficient way to process cotton, and hemp fell off.

02:03:56.000 Then when slavery became abolished, hemp really fell off.

02:04:00.000 Because, you know, it wasn't economically feasible until the 1930s.

02:04:05.000 In the 1930s, they invented this thing called the decorticator.

02:04:08.000 And the decorticator allowed them to, like, really effectively and almost instantly process the hemp fire.

02:04:13.000 It's this big crazy machine that you crank. 0.99

02:04:15.000 And as soon as that came out, that's when William Randolph Hearst started running all those ads about black people and Mexicans smoking marijuana and raping white women. 0.99

02:04:24.000 It was all just to try to stop the hemp industry. 0.99

02:04:27.000 They turned it into a marijuana thing.

02:04:29.000 We're still suffering to this day.

02:04:31.000 Amazing.

02:04:33.000 You can grow hemp now, right, in the United States?

02:04:35.000 Some spots, yeah.

02:04:36.000 Is Onnit getting it yet?

02:04:37.000 Well, we're being real careful with this marijuana thing.

02:04:43.000 Because, well, one day we're for sure going to get involved in either Colorado or Washington State.

02:04:48.000 For sure.

02:04:49.000 Why wouldn't we sell, like, super healthy weed? 0.76

02:04:52.000 We'll find it.

02:04:53.000 But this is just too touch and go right now with legalization.

02:04:57.000 It's too sketchy.

02:04:58.000 Federal government is still telling people that they can't get guns. 0.99

02:05:01.000 This is the most recent ruling that you can't have a gun if you have a medical marijuana card, which is fucking insane. 0.96

02:05:07.000 Because you could drink booze all day long. 0.93

02:05:10.000 You could take pharmaceutical pills, opiates, all day long if you wanted to.

02:05:15.000 You can do a bunch of different mind-altering things and still legally possess a gun, but you can't smoke pot.

02:05:21.000 If there's any drug that you should have while you're high, when you have a gun, rather, it's pot.

02:05:27.000 If there's any drug, it's pot.

02:05:29.000 Because that's the drug that's going to make you go, I don't want to shoot anybody, man.

02:05:32.000 Right.

02:05:32.000 You know?

02:05:33.000 Like, all the other ones are going to, like, displace your reality.

02:05:37.000 All the other ones are going to put you in a position where you're probably going to feel less inhibition.

02:05:42.000 And you're probably more likely to shoot someone if you're drunk.

02:05:45.000 You're probably more likely to shoot someone if you're on pills. 1.00

02:05:49.000 Crazy fucks. 1.00

02:05:50.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:05:51.000 That whole pot thing's messed up.

02:05:53.000 So, uh, back to Ann Coulter.

02:05:55.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:05:55.000 This is a silly bitch. 1.00

02:05:57.000 So what does she try to do? 1.00

02:05:58.000 She tries to write her own jokes, then? 0.98

02:06:01.000 Yeah, you know, there's, you know, I, like, I worked with Martha Stewart for the Bieber roast.

02:06:06.000 And she crushed it.

02:06:07.000 Crushed it.

02:06:08.000 And the first thing she said to me was, I want to kill as hard as I can, so hook it up. 0.99

02:06:12.000 Martha Stewart's done time. 0.98

02:06:14.000 That's what I want you to do.

02:06:15.000 Yeah, she's the best ever.

02:06:16.000 She's been in the pokey. 1.00

02:06:17.000 She understands shit. 1.00

02:06:19.000 At a level, Ann Coulter with her privileged lifestyle of white people everywhere she goes. 1.00

02:06:24.000 Correct.

02:06:25.000 And so Ann Coulter basically says that, you know, she doesn't like this joke, she doesn't like that joke, she rewrites this, she puts a pitch for a book at the top.

02:06:34.000 Hmm.

02:06:34.000 First off, she was like third to last.

02:06:37.000 She was second to Rob Lowe.

02:06:39.000 It went Ann Coulter, Jeff Ross, Rob Lowe, end of show, right?

02:06:42.000 So all these people went before.

02:06:43.000 Ralph Macchio, Nikki Glaser, Pete Davidson, Jimmy Carr, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

02:06:50.000 Anyway, and she got lit up.

02:06:52.000 And I mean big time.

02:06:54.000 Peyton Manning, Jewel, everybody.

02:06:56.000 They'd hit everybody on the dais, you know, because you always make fun of everybody at a roast.

02:07:01.000 Of course.

02:07:01.000 And then you get the main target at the end of your thing.

02:07:03.000 But when people went in on Ann Coulter, they went in hard.

02:07:07.000 You know, like, very hard.

02:07:09.000 Like, Jimmy Carr had this one joke, which I loved, which I'm gonna completely, you know, destroy right now, because I don't know exactly how he's set up, but it was something like...

02:07:20.000 Ann Coulter is here. 1.00

02:07:21.000 Ann, you ugly, ratchet-faced piece of shit scumbuck. 1.00

02:07:25.000 It's like something like that. 1.00

02:07:26.000 Just like five insulting words.

02:07:28.000 Just gag at it, gag at it, gag at it. 0.99

02:07:31.000 He goes, you are one of the most insufferable human beings on the planet. 0.99

02:07:34.000 But it's not too late. 0.85

02:07:36.000 You can change. 1.00

02:07:37.000 You could kill yourself. 1.00

02:07:39.000 And the crowd just... 0.99

02:07:41.000 I mean, just...

02:07:42.000 Everybody hated her.

02:07:43.000 So she was great to have on the dais.

02:07:45.000 Wow.

02:07:46.000 She could have killed me and Mike Lawrence, who's a huge pro wrestling fan, and Sarah Tiana, who's an old school pro wrestling fan. 1.00

02:07:54.000 We looked at her like, wow, we can write her as a heel. 1.00

02:07:57.000 She'll own it.

02:07:58.000 It'll be great.

02:08:00.000 We're all going to look like superstars because we were able to make Ann Coulter funny.

02:08:04.000 But instead, halfway through the week, we realized like, oh no, she doesn't get it and she wants to do this.

02:08:11.000 And you don't want to scare her away from not being on the roast.

02:08:14.000 You know what I mean?

02:08:14.000 You don't want to be like, hey, you're going to do terrible.

02:08:18.000 Because then, you know, there's a chance that she might not do it and we wanted her there.

02:08:22.000 Because, you know, if she's going to do good, great. 0.99

02:08:25.000 Everybody's going to shit on her. 0.99

02:08:26.000 But also, you know, worst comes to worst, people love a train wreck. 0.99

02:08:30.000 And this was a train wreck.

02:08:31.000 Super train wreck.

02:08:32.000 Can we play any of it, you think?

02:08:34.000 No.

02:08:35.000 This was like a gif of a train wreck.

02:08:37.000 I gotta watch it.

02:08:38.000 Boom, boom, boom.

02:08:39.000 She was terrible.

02:08:40.000 And the one thing Comedy Central did do, which is hilarious, is the reaction shots that they chose for her jokes, like when she was on stage, are hilarious.

02:08:53.000 Like it just cuts to just people just...

02:08:56.000 Sort of just studying.

02:08:58.000 Well, she made her bones in the safest, softest world, which is the world of like political commentary where there's five different people and everybody's shouting over everybody and you don't have to say anything that's really relevant.

02:09:09.000 Right.

02:09:09.000 And especially her because she's just a button pusher.

02:09:12.000 She's a white lady button pusher and she gets up there and she says crazy things like if Canada doesn't like it, we'll invade them. 1.00

02:09:17.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:09:17.000 She says stupid shit like that that she doesn't even mean. 1.00

02:09:20.000 And this is what she does. 1.00

02:09:22.000 She pushes buttons and Bill Maher calls her his friend and they laugh together.

02:09:27.000 And she lives in this soft world.

02:09:29.000 That world that she stepped into is not just one of the hardest worlds.

02:09:34.000 But for a person like her to go on after someone like Jimmy Carr and get crushed and then attempt to plug her book and all that jazz, I bet she has no idea what the average person's perception of her is. 0.99

02:09:48.000 Because she's dealing with that bubble, that fucking talk show. 1.00

02:09:52.000 Bunch of DC crazy idiots. 1.00

02:09:54.000 That weird bubble where she's kind of legitimate in that bubble. 1.00

02:09:58.000 She's the button pusher. 1.00

02:09:59.000 Oh, here comes Crazy Ann. 1.00

02:10:01.000 She thinks she's wacky.

02:10:03.000 And another thing is, you know, one of the main things that a roast is, when you get made fun of, you should laugh.

02:10:09.000 Yeah.

02:10:10.000 Because it shows that you have a sense of humor.

02:10:12.000 That's, like, the main thing.

02:10:13.000 That's why Trump did it.

02:10:14.000 Now he could be president.

02:10:16.000 Charlie Sheen did it.

02:10:17.000 You think that Trump could be president because he did a roast?

02:10:19.000 Hey, you've...

02:10:22.000 Justin Bieber's the number one artist in the world.

02:10:24.000 Oh, it's all roasts.

02:10:26.000 That's what it is.

02:10:27.000 If you can handle the roasts.

02:10:28.000 I'm trying to get you to want to do a Joe Rogan roast.

02:10:30.000 That's what we want. 0.99

02:10:31.000 Get the fuck out of here. 0.99

02:10:32.000 Joe Rogan. 0.99

02:10:32.000 So when Ann Coulter does this, I'm changing the subject immediately. 0.99

02:10:35.000 Immediately.

02:10:35.000 Look at that.

02:10:36.000 I'm not doing your roast.

02:10:37.000 I'm not being mean to you, and I don't want you being mean to me.

02:10:41.000 But when you do this roast with Ann Coulter, what happens when people are joking about her?

02:10:45.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:46.000 Well, that's the best thing, is she did not laugh at anything about her, and she always just had the same look on her face, and it stuck.

02:10:55.000 That's it.

02:10:56.000 Every single joke. 1.00

02:10:57.000 Like, you just put in, just basically, hey, we want you to die.

02:11:01.000 That's the look that it would cut back to, and the crowd, when you're watching it on TV, that's funny, because she's not laughing. 0.92

02:11:09.000 He called her hatchet-faced?

02:11:10.000 Oh, ratchet, hatchet, something.

02:11:12.000 That's a horse face.

02:11:14.000 Peyton Manning said, I'm not the only champion up here.

02:11:16.000 Ann Coulter won the Kentucky Derby a couple weeks ago.

02:11:20.000 Peyton Manning annihilated.

02:11:22.000 Now that's a guy who, you know, and Sarah Tiana was really hands-on with him.

02:11:26.000 And, you know, he got his script, made tweaks, studied it all week.

02:11:31.000 He put it in prompter himself.

02:11:33.000 He's with the prompter guy, you know, before the show, making sure that every word is perfect exactly where he wants it.

02:11:39.000 And he stole the show.

02:11:41.000 Him and Jewel were the two best.

02:11:43.000 Jewel the singer?

02:11:44.000 Yeah.

02:11:44.000 Yes.

02:11:44.000 No shit.

02:11:45.000 She was so great. 1.00

02:11:47.000 Really?

02:11:47.000 One of the things she said right at the top of her set, you know, she's like, you know, as a feminist, I can't agree with everything that I've heard up here tonight, but as a person who hates Ann Coulter, she annihilated.

02:12:03.000 She's so good.

02:12:05.000 That's awesome.

02:12:06.000 Who wrote for her?

02:12:08.000 That was sort of the room, hands on a lot, was a guy named George Reinblatt, good roast writer.

02:12:15.000 Some other people.

02:12:16.000 Such a smart move.

02:12:17.000 Sarah Tiana's in on that too.

02:12:18.000 Such a smart move to pair them up with comics and coach them through it.

02:12:22.000 Oh, well, I mean, they wouldn't have a chance on their own.

02:12:24.000 I know, but I mean, as far as like entertainment value, like it could have been a gross clusterfuck if you got to see their own real ideas.

02:12:32.000 Right.

02:12:33.000 But yeah, it's definitely better.

02:12:34.000 And you know, they're reading an awesome prompter.

02:12:37.000 It's show business.

02:12:38.000 So you would say that Martha Stewart's like the best ever?

02:12:41.000 I mean, you know, I'm a little bit biased, but yeah.

02:12:44.000 She's the best ever roaster? 1.00

02:12:45.000 She's just a freakishly great human being at everything she does. 1.00

02:12:49.000 She's, like, the best.

02:12:50.000 She's a baller, dude. 1.00

02:12:52.000 Not only did she have more prison time than all those other people on the dais like Snoop and Sha... 0.99

02:12:56.000 You know, like, she's just a killer. 0.98

02:12:58.000 She killed. 1.00

02:12:59.000 She's a billionaire. 1.00

02:13:00.000 She's a, you know, assassin. 1.00

02:13:02.000 They put her in jail for some weird shit, too, right? 0.99

02:13:04.000 Was it, like, knowledge of a stock sale or something like that? 0.99

02:13:07.000 Insider trading.

02:13:08.000 Insider trading?

02:13:09.000 How does that work?

02:13:10.000 So, say if you have a stock...

02:13:12.000 Okay, and you know, you're working in some company like, hey dude, I'm just letting you know right now.

02:13:17.000 We're about to sell, sell, sell.

02:13:20.000 So if you want to get out, get out now. 0.98

02:13:21.000 And I'm like, oh shit, thanks dude, I'm getting out. 0.94

02:13:24.000 And then I do that? 0.99

02:13:25.000 I'm supposed to just sit by and not do that and lose money?

02:13:30.000 Like, how does that work? 0.98

02:13:31.000 Like, if you tell me that some shit's going down and I should bail out immediately. 0.97

02:13:34.000 And I don't bail out and I lose all my money. 0.99

02:13:37.000 Then I get to stay out of jail?

02:13:39.000 Is that how it works?

02:13:40.000 I'm pretty sure, like, you just can't be super blatant about it, like the SEC or whatever it is.

02:13:45.000 I can't remember what it is.

02:13:48.000 Securities and Exchange Council.

02:13:50.000 Yeah.

02:13:51.000 Commission?

02:13:52.000 Commission.

02:13:53.000 Like, if they see that you just sold, you know, millions of dollars worth of stocks the day or two before something absurd happens with that company, then, you know, it's sort of blatant.

02:14:03.000 Did you ever see all that stuff that's connected to 9-11?

02:14:05.000 There's another 9-11 thing.

02:14:06.000 It's how many people sold American Airlines stock.

02:14:10.000 How many people predicted that American Airlines stock would crash.

02:14:13.000 It's all like Illuminati type Bloom...

02:14:17.000 Not Bloomberg.

02:14:17.000 What are those people?

02:14:19.000 Bilderberg.

02:14:19.000 Bilderberg characters.

02:14:21.000 Yeah.

02:14:22.000 Selling American Airlines stock. 1.00

02:14:23.000 It's probably bullshit. 1.00

02:14:24.000 Did you ever snopes that? 1.00

02:14:26.000 It says false.

02:14:27.000 It says false?

02:14:29.000 But wait a minute.

02:14:30.000 I saw this documentary on YouTube...

02:14:34.000 Put paid.

02:14:35.000 What does it say?

02:14:37.000 On September 11th, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

02:14:39.000 The operation had taken years to plan.

02:14:42.000 What's it saying, Jamie?

02:14:43.000 False.

02:14:43.000 Status false.

02:14:46.000 Only to delay the takeoff, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

02:14:49.000 This is a long-ass paragraph.

02:14:52.000 I'm surprised it wasn't Spirit Airlines that went into them. 1.00

02:14:55.000 Oh, shit. 0.99

02:14:55.000 I wish it was. 0.99

02:14:56.000 Spirit's a real airline?

02:14:58.000 They're the worst.

02:14:59.000 No.

02:14:59.000 What's Spirit Airline?

02:15:01.000 It's like all the planes that get, like, graffitied and stuff.

02:15:04.000 They just turn them into Spirit Airlines.

02:15:07.000 Goodwill?

02:15:07.000 Goodwill Airline?

02:15:08.000 Yeah, it's like they get, like, push started and shit. 1.00

02:15:11.000 They're terrible. 0.96

02:15:12.000 You have to pay just to print out your itinerary.

02:15:15.000 Ticket.

02:15:16.000 Yeah, and you have to pay per bag, like, any bag.

02:15:18.000 Like, your purse is a bag, anything.

02:15:20.000 They would charge you for your fanny pack, dude.

02:15:22.000 Yeah.

02:15:22.000 They'd be like, what are you doing?

02:15:24.000 What?

02:15:24.000 Well, there was a time where the lady told me that I had to take it off and put it under the seat.

02:15:28.000 Your fanny pack?

02:15:29.000 Yep.

02:15:30.000 Yep.

02:15:30.000 Get out of here.

02:15:31.000 She was just a cunt. 1.00

02:15:32.000 Weren't you the one that told me that you couldn't use Bluetooth headphones on a plane? 1.00

02:15:36.000 I use them all the time.

02:15:37.000 I've never been told anything.

02:15:38.000 Yeah, you're not supposed to.

02:15:40.000 According to the lady that talked to the guy who was sitting next to me, she said he couldn't do it.

02:15:45.000 He can't do it.

02:15:45.000 Sir, are those Bluetooth?

02:15:47.000 You're going to have to take them off.

02:15:49.000 Different lady, not the same lady.

02:15:51.000 My goodness.

02:15:52.000 But one person ever has told me I have to take the fanny pack off and put it under the seat. 1.00

02:15:57.000 I'm like, that is so stupid. 1.00

02:15:58.000 It's like connected to me. 1.00

02:16:00.000 It's your belt.

02:16:01.000 It's just like a type of pocket.

02:16:03.000 Yeah.

02:16:04.000 Can I just put it in my pocket?

02:16:05.000 Where do you travel?

02:16:05.000 Stuff it in my pocket?

02:16:06.000 Yeah.

02:16:08.000 I stuff my fanny pack in my pocket. 1.00

02:16:10.000 She was just being a cunt. 1.00

02:16:11.000 But we've all seen that, you know? 1.00

02:16:15.000 Yeah.

02:16:15.000 People.

02:16:16.000 Do you remember that Airbus that used to take you to Columbus?

02:16:18.000 What was that bus?

02:16:19.000 It was Airbus.

02:16:20.000 It was called Airbus.

02:16:21.000 Was it?

02:16:21.000 JetBlue?

02:16:22.000 Yeah.

02:16:23.000 No.

02:16:23.000 No, it wasn't JetBlue.

02:16:25.000 Airbus.

02:16:25.000 It was just called Airbus?

02:16:26.000 It was just called Airbus?

02:16:27.000 Yeah, it was like $40.

02:16:28.000 Well, we flew once. 0.99

02:16:29.000 We took this shit once and the guy fucked up his landing and had to start all over again. 0.99

02:16:36.000 He went down and then pulled out and we go back up again. 1.00

02:16:39.000 I was like, this motherfucker just had a panic attack. 0.99

02:16:41.000 I had that happen to me a few months ago. 1.00

02:16:43.000 Oh my god.

02:16:44.000 But it was like, you know, $40 a ticket.

02:16:46.000 Yeah, so cheap.

02:16:48.000 And there was a direct flight, which they don't have that.

02:16:50.000 They have one direct flight to Columbus, Ohio nowadays.

02:16:52.000 Really?

02:16:53.000 Yeah.

02:16:53.000 That's whack.

02:16:54.000 I had that happen to me a few weeks or months ago or something.

02:16:57.000 And it was flying back home to LA. And that was not cool.

02:17:02.000 It's a scary thing because...

02:17:05.000 You get used to landing.

02:17:07.000 You know, in your first, whatever, 20, 30 flights, you're like, whoa, we're landing, look out!

02:17:12.000 But then you get so used to it that you know what happens.

02:17:15.000 It's gonna just jerk a little bit.

02:17:17.000 But what's crazy is that to get it back up after going down, like, they have to go full steam all the way, engines that normally are actually pretty chill, because like a bird, they sort of just, you know, you don't have to go full blast. 0.98

02:17:31.000 But when they do go full blast, shit gets crazy. 0.98

02:17:33.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99

02:17:33.000 And they really had to do that there. 0.99

02:17:35.000 I mean, we are down, like, we are very close to landing.

02:17:39.000 But he was coming in too fast, he said, afterwards.

02:17:42.000 And just, you just hear...

02:17:43.000 Like, engines just...

02:17:47.000 And all of a sudden, everything's shaking.

02:17:49.000 And you're like, like that.

02:17:51.000 They had to, like, really pull up hard.

02:17:53.000 It was scary, man.

02:17:55.000 Yeah, one of those, like, one out of every whatever thousands that probably that happens to.

02:18:00.000 There was a Trump plane that didn't have the landing gear pop out once.

02:18:03.000 Remember when Trump had an airlines?

02:18:04.000 Trump Airlines?

02:18:05.000 Do you remember that?

02:18:06.000 No.

02:18:06.000 Trump had a Trump Airlines.

02:18:08.000 And they were landing, and the landing gear didn't come down, so they skid in.

02:18:14.000 The bottom of the plane just scraped against the ground.

02:18:18.000 Sparks were flying.

02:18:20.000 Yeah.

02:18:21.000 Trump Airlines.

02:18:22.000 Donald Trump.

02:18:23.000 He had that airlines when he was younger than me. 1.00

02:18:26.000 Like, this motherfucker's been... 0.99

02:18:28.000 He's been rich for a long-ass time. 1.00

02:18:30.000 Look at him there.

02:18:31.000 Donald J. Trump!

02:18:33.000 Is that him?

02:18:34.000 Is that him in the police car?

02:18:35.000 That's Bobby Kennedy.

02:18:37.000 Is it?

02:18:40.000 So, 29th of September, you and I are in Columbus.

02:18:44.000 Yeah, that's right.

02:18:47.000 At the Palace Theater, and then we're at the Tower Theater in Philly on October 1st.

02:18:52.000 Mm-hmm.

02:18:53.000 And I'm at Boston's Wilbur Theater October 8th.

02:18:56.000 Oh my goodness.

02:18:57.000 That's huge.

02:18:57.000 Young Tony Hinchcliffe.

02:18:58.000 Are you filming something there?

02:18:59.000 I'm gonna try to.

02:19:01.000 Yeah?

02:19:01.000 Yeah.

02:19:01.000 You thinking about it?

02:19:02.000 Yeah.

02:19:03.000 It's just something.

02:19:03.000 We'll see.

02:19:04.000 We'll see what it turns into.

02:19:05.000 How many shows are you doing that night?

02:19:06.000 Just one.

02:19:07.000 Just one.

02:19:08.000 In and out.

02:19:09.000 Easy breezy.

02:19:10.000 And you film it.

02:19:12.000 Am I filming it?

02:19:12.000 Yeah.

02:19:13.000 Yeah, I got nothing to lose.

02:19:15.000 It's a good spot.

02:19:15.000 It's a good pot.

02:19:15.000 Who knows what can happen.

02:19:17.000 Well, you were well-received last time you were there with me.

02:19:19.000 Yeah. 0.89

02:19:20.000 Bunch of savages there. 1.00

02:19:21.000 That's my kind of city, man.

02:19:23.000 Those are people that like it hard, continuous, rough, no oohs and ahs, just...

02:19:29.000 Plus, you're gonna be there in October, which is like the last bursts of excitement before the freeze.

02:19:35.000 Yeah.

02:19:35.000 Like in November and December and January and February and then March, people start coming back to life again.

02:19:41.000 And guess where I'm going?

02:19:42.000 October 18th to the 30th. 1.00

02:19:43.000 Where are you going, bitch? 1.00

02:19:43.000 Place I've been to with you before. 1.00

02:19:45.000 We saw a little lady get kicked in the head. 1.00

02:19:47.000 Place called Australia, my friend.

02:19:50.000 I am headlining shows all by myself like a big boy.

02:19:54.000 We did see a lady get kicked in the head. 1.00

02:19:56.000 Sydney...

02:19:58.000 Melbourne and Brisbane.

02:19:59.000 Beautiful.

02:20:00.000 At the end of October in Australia.

02:20:02.000 Dude, that's awesome. 0.94

02:20:03.000 Yeah, we did see her get kicked in the head. 1.00

02:20:05.000 We did.

02:20:05.000 Are you going to that same place that we went to in Melbourne?

02:20:08.000 I'm not exactly sure.

02:20:09.000 The venues, I know I'm doing the Comedy Store in Sydney.

02:20:12.000 You ever done that?

02:20:13.000 Comedy store in Sydney, I did do.

02:20:15.000 Yeah, I did it with Ari.

02:20:16.000 We did a show at a theater, and then on Sunday we came back and did, I think what we did was, the fights were Sunday, because the fights were a day ahead, but they were Sunday in the morning.

02:20:28.000 And so that day we contacted the comedy store and said, hey, we want to do a show.

02:20:31.000 So we decided to do a show that night.

02:20:33.000 That's what we did.

02:20:34.000 So yeah, I definitely did it.

02:20:35.000 It's a nice little club.

02:20:36.000 I'm super excited, because I guess that's the beginning of their summer or something at the end of October?

02:20:41.000 Yeah.

02:20:41.000 I don't think it gets cold there, though.

02:20:43.000 I don't really get it at all.

02:20:44.000 It's a joke.

02:20:45.000 Summer, winter, it's a joke.

02:20:46.000 It's always warm.

02:20:47.000 Like, Australia, like, Sydney is pretty much perfect weather.

02:20:50.000 Yeah.

02:20:51.000 They say it's like the Dallas of Australia.

02:20:55.000 They're like, what do they call them?

02:20:57.000 The TV show or the city?

02:20:58.000 No, no, like the city.

02:21:00.000 The Dallas.

02:21:01.000 I don't even remember that TV show.

02:21:03.000 But they, what do they call them?

02:21:05.000 Cashed up Bogans.

02:21:06.000 Do you know what a cashed-up bogan is?

02:21:08.000 You're going to have to learn this terminology.

02:21:10.000 A cashed-up bogan is like a really rich redneck. 0.99

02:21:14.000 If a guy in Dallas had a Jeep Wrangler with fucking 45-inch tires and a light bar on the roof, and he's driving by the club with music playing, and he's got a Rolex on with diamonds on it, but he's obviously trash. 0.99

02:21:30.000 That's a cashed-up bogan in America. 0.99

02:21:33.000 Get it?

02:21:34.000 That makes sense.

02:21:34.000 I feel like there's gonna be some cash that Bogans at some of my shows.

02:21:38.000 They'll definitely be there, for sure.

02:21:39.000 They're gonna know you.

02:21:40.000 They're gonna know, what do you think about Cyborg, mate? 1.00

02:21:43.000 Is she gonna fuck you? 1.00

02:21:45.000 You know how often I get that, by the way, just randomly? 1.00

02:21:48.000 I was at the grocery store the other day and someone hit me with that.

02:21:51.000 You better look out.

02:21:53.000 And at the UFC on Saturday, I got it a couple times actually.

02:21:57.000 You gotta find her and take a picture with her.

02:21:59.000 Totally.

02:21:59.000 Make the internet explode.

02:22:01.000 Ease everything up. 0.79

02:22:01.000 Let her get you in a headlock. 0.79

02:22:02.000 Yeah.

02:22:03.000 Take a picture. 0.84

02:22:04.000 She could put me in a headlock. 1.00

02:22:05.000 I'll grab her dick and squeeze it. 1.00

02:22:07.000 There you go again! 1.00

02:22:08.000 I did it again, you motherfuckers! 1.00

02:22:10.000 You think I'm afraid? 1.00

02:22:12.000 Do you really think I'm afraid?

02:22:13.000 Where is it?

02:22:14.000 This one?

02:22:15.000 Come on! 0.61

02:22:17.000 Tony, good lord.

02:22:18.000 Hey man, you got a shot at the Joker now, Jared Leto.

02:22:23.000 They didn't enjoy him as the Joker.

02:22:25.000 I thought he looked great.

02:22:26.000 He's a wonderful actor.

02:22:28.000 I don't know what went wrong, but he's not really working out for America.

02:22:33.000 Now's your chance.

02:22:34.000 I'm totally ready.

02:22:36.000 If you want to help me produce it, we could do it, dude.

02:22:39.000 The one somebody made, they put that head on a better Joker body for that thing that he just Instagrammed.

02:22:47.000 And it's a better version of it, but I really want to do it.

02:22:49.000 Yeah, that Suicide Squad movie was not well received.

02:22:52.000 Did you see it?

02:22:52.000 I didn't see it.

02:22:53.000 But you know what I saw that was fucking good? 0.99

02:22:56.000 Hell or High Water. 0.99

02:22:59.000 Dude, it's really good.

02:23:00.000 It's like a western, right?

02:23:01.000 Yeah, it's Jeff Bridges, and what is his name?

02:23:04.000 Ben Cohen, is that the guy's name?

02:23:07.000 Ben Foster, is that his name?

02:23:09.000 Ben Foster, who's a really good actor.

02:23:11.000 He's been in a gang of movies.

02:23:13.000 He's like one of those guys who just steals movies in the background.

02:23:16.000 You know what he was awesome in?

02:23:17.000 One of my favorite vampire movies ever. 0.57

02:23:19.000 I know it sounds ridiculous. 0.95

02:23:20.000 I sound like a 12-year-old. 0.95

02:23:22.000 But 30 Days of Night.

02:23:23.000 Did you ever see 30 Days of Night?

02:23:24.000 There he is.

02:23:25.000 Him and that other dude, the Star Wars dude, Captain Kirk, the new Captain Kirk. 0.99

02:23:29.000 It's a good fucking movie, man. 1.00

02:23:31.000 Good fucking movie. 1.00

02:23:32.000 Fun. 1.00

02:23:33.000 I saw Don't Breathe the other day in theaters, and that's a good one, too.

02:23:38.000 What's that?

02:23:38.000 It's about a bunch of kids that go around and steal stuff from houses, and then they find out that there's this old Vietnam vet who...

02:23:47.000 Who won a huge settlement and they have a feeling that he probably has it in cash and they show up to his house and, you know, he's blind, it turns out.

02:23:58.000 So they're like, ooh, he's blind. 0.95

02:24:00.000 This is gonna be fucking great. 1.00

02:24:01.000 Well, the catch is he can hear you and he can smell you and shit gets crazy. 0.99

02:24:09.000 The trailer is really good. 0.99

02:24:10.000 And who is he? 1.00

02:24:11.000 A bad motherfucker. 1.00

02:24:13.000 I don't know, but I've been seeing him in my nightmares and picturing his head poking in my bedroom door lately. 1.00

02:24:17.000 That movie Kevin Smith made, Red State, I think it was called, where he was the preacher.

02:24:22.000 Oh, that guy's excellent.

02:24:23.000 What is his name?

02:24:25.000 Find out his name.

02:24:26.000 That guy's excellent.

02:24:27.000 He's so scary.

02:24:29.000 Did you ever see Red State?

02:24:30.000 Like, do you see that?

02:24:31.000 No.

02:24:31.000 Do you see that one there next to the one that says, don't breathe, where he's just walking by?

02:24:36.000 Don't you spoiler alert me, fuck. 1.00

02:24:37.000 Don't you spoil it, man. 1.00

02:24:38.000 But he's blind.

02:24:39.000 So imagine...

02:24:39.000 Anyway.

02:24:40.000 Don't you spoil it, man.

02:24:41.000 Alright, well you gotta see it.

02:24:42.000 You gotta see that in Death Proof.

02:24:43.000 That's not the same guy.

02:24:44.000 That's a different guy.

02:24:45.000 That's the guy from Avatar.

02:24:46.000 Is he the guy from Avatar?

02:24:48.000 He's the Marine from Avatar.

02:24:49.000 He might be right, yeah.

02:24:50.000 Yeah, so you're thinking of a different guy.

02:24:53.000 But you also have to see Death Proof.

02:24:54.000 You have to make up for that, because that's all about stunt cars, and Kurt Russell kills it in this movie.

02:25:00.000 I feel like I've told you this like 20 times.

02:25:02.000 I think you have told me a few times.

02:25:03.000 You've got to see Death Proof.

02:25:04.000 Brian, I love it.

02:25:05.000 It made me never put my legs up outside the window when you're in the passenger.

02:25:09.000 Spoiler alert.

02:25:09.000 That's good.

02:25:10.000 There you go.

02:25:10.000 You saw Jungle Book, right?

02:25:11.000 Yeah, I didn't like it.

02:25:13.000 You didn't like it?

02:25:13.000 No.

02:25:15.000 He's the guy from Avatar, not what I said.

02:25:16.000 Yeah, Steven Lang. 1.00

02:25:18.000 He's a bad motherfucker, too, though. 1.00

02:25:20.000 This guy's excellent. 1.00

02:25:21.000 He's excellent in everything.

02:25:22.000 Kills it.

02:25:22.000 He's one of those guys that you just see in the background.

02:25:26.000 Avatar, too.

02:25:26.000 But Ben Foster, that's his name, right?

02:25:29.000 That 30 Days of Night performance, that's when I first found out about him.

02:25:32.000 He played the vampire familiar.

02:25:34.000 They had these vampires that would go to Alaska because it wouldn't get light out for a month.

02:25:39.000 There's spots in Alaska where they have a never-ending winter.

02:25:43.000 You ever work in Alaska?

02:25:44.000 No.

02:25:45.000 Dude, we've got to do a gig in the summer in Anchorage.

02:25:48.000 Let's go.

02:25:49.000 Take me hunting.

02:25:50.000 It's a two-part trip.

02:25:51.000 Nah.

02:25:53.000 You need some work.

02:25:55.000 It's hard enough for me.

02:25:57.000 I can't hold your hand.

02:25:59.000 But fishing's easy.

02:26:00.000 Okay. 0.93

02:26:01.000 And fishing in Alaska is fucking awesome, too. 0.61

02:26:03.000 So you go salmon fishing, and then you do shows at night. 0.89

02:26:05.000 You come out.

02:26:06.000 You do a midnight show.

02:26:07.000 It's 2.30 in the morning.

02:26:08.000 You go outside.

02:26:08.000 It's light out.

02:26:10.000 That's cool.

02:26:11.000 It's just light.

02:26:12.000 It's just light.

02:26:12.000 It barely gets dark.

02:26:13.000 It gets dark for the tiniest amount of time, but it's not really dark.

02:26:16.000 It gets like 7.30pm dark, and then it becomes light again.

02:26:21.000 It's real weird.

02:26:22.000 I like that.

02:26:22.000 Those are my hours.

02:26:23.000 That might as well be when the sun's up for me. 0.99

02:26:26.000 Yeah, Alaska is cool as fuck too. 0.97

02:26:29.000 Anchorage in particular, people up there are super nice. 0.96

02:26:33.000 Normal, fun.

02:26:35.000 You can hang out with them and talk to them.

02:26:36.000 And they're hearty people.

02:26:39.000 You know what I mean? 0.99

02:26:40.000 There's not a lot of pussies that live up there. 1.00

02:26:42.000 You just really can't. 1.00

02:26:43.000 You really can't be a pussy and survive in Alaska. 1.00

02:26:47.000 It's not the way the people are, and it's not the way the environment is. 0.99

02:26:52.000 In order to survive in that environment, you've got to be a self-sustaining person.

02:26:55.000 You've got to be able to change a tire.

02:26:57.000 You've got to be able to dig yourself out of a snowstorm.

02:26:59.000 You've got to be able to start a fire.

02:27:01.000 You might have to make an ice tent, one of those ice igloos to survive.

02:27:05.000 That's where Jewel's from, Alaska. 1.00

02:27:06.000 She is.

02:27:07.000 Do you know her family is those people that are on that reality show?

02:27:11.000 Yeah.

02:27:13.000 Somebody had the joke.

02:27:14.000 They're like the Kardashians if they were freezing to death.

02:27:19.000 She seems very smart, too.

02:27:21.000 Jewel, I'm telling you, man, this was the one.

02:27:25.000 I mean, her and Peyton both.

02:27:27.000 For example, one of the cool things was doing soundcheck earlier in the afternoon.

02:27:32.000 There was a part where they had to reload the prompt or something like that.

02:27:36.000 She's just doing a run-through.

02:27:37.000 But she did her performance with a guitar in her hand.

02:27:39.000 And she would only play in between... 0.86

02:27:41.000 While, like, people are dying of laughter.

02:27:43.000 You know, just like that.

02:27:45.000 And then she would stop and she would start her next joke. 0.82

02:27:47.000 Oh, that's hilarious.

02:27:48.000 What a great idea.

02:27:50.000 I mean, if you have all the writers of the roast laughing, then you did it.

02:27:55.000 You know what I mean?

02:27:56.000 Because we've been laughing about these jokes for a week already.

02:27:59.000 So if we're watching you for your third time saying them and we're still cracking up, then...

02:28:05.000 What did you think about Rose Battle being on television? 0.98

02:28:08.000 Were you happy with the way it came out?

02:28:09.000 Or did you feel like it was too big?

02:28:12.000 I love it.

02:28:13.000 I think that it's gonna get better.

02:28:15.000 I feel like that's like UFC 1. You know what I mean?

02:28:18.000 If that makes sense?

02:28:19.000 Yeah.

02:28:19.000 I think that it should be regular.

02:28:21.000 I think that it should get bigger.

02:28:22.000 I think they shouldn't just make it a once a year special event.

02:28:25.000 I want to see it every week.

02:28:26.000 I want to see it get bigger and breathe and let it grow and get the cameras right.

02:28:30.000 How often should they have Ralphie Maybach?

02:28:34.000 I don't think Ralphie will do it anymore.

02:28:36.000 Do you think that they, like, the way they're doing it right now in these big environments, do you think that it takes anything away from it?

02:28:42.000 Like, don't you think that, like, I was watching it, and I'm, like, looking at where the judges are and the performers are, and everything's all so lit up, and I'm like, this is not the belly room.

02:28:50.000 Like, part of the beauty of Roast Battle is how intimate it is.

02:28:54.000 You're preaching to the choir on that one.

02:28:55.000 Why don't they just do it in the belly room? 1.00

02:28:57.000 You're preaching.

02:28:58.000 I mean, I'm the guy that literally, like, I mean, I've been annoying, you know, Jeff and Brian and everybody about this since they started it years ago.

02:29:05.000 I literally was going, you should be doing with this show what we're doing with Kill Tony and just get it out there.

02:29:11.000 I mean, if they put that thing on the internet...

02:29:15.000 That would be huge!

02:29:17.000 Huge.

02:29:18.000 And you become a bigger fan as you see it more, and you learn the characters more.

02:29:25.000 There's literally 75 UFC analogies with this thing, with Roast Battle, because there's different styles and all this stuff, and you sort of have to be good at everything.

02:29:34.000 You have to be able to hit a rebuttal, and you have to be able to just do a joke right in the pocket.

02:29:40.000 And, you know, it's timing and execution.

02:29:43.000 The haters' table, too.

02:29:45.000 It's been, like, clipped.

02:29:46.000 It's been edited.

02:29:47.000 It's been censored.

02:29:48.000 It's not the roast battle that we know, because it's kind of like the TV version of it.

02:29:52.000 Even the wave didn't make sense. 0.93

02:29:53.000 Well, the racist stuff that Skigel says is so ridiculous and over-the-top, but so hilarious.

02:29:59.000 Certainly some things aren't going to make it to Comedy Central. 0.92

02:30:01.000 They already pushed the limits.

02:30:02.000 Well, they should put them on YouTube.

02:30:03.000 Totally.

02:30:04.000 They should have just done it on YouTube from the jump.

02:30:06.000 Totally.

02:30:06.000 Well, the podcast, you know, you can download the podcast.

02:30:09.000 That's at Death Squad.

02:30:10.000 What, Roast Battle?

02:30:11.000 Yeah, it's called Verbal Violence.

02:30:13.000 So we have the Roast Battle uncensored on there, so you can hear all the stuff.

02:30:17.000 You can hear everything?

02:30:18.000 Yeah.

02:30:18.000 How come you don't talk about that?

02:30:20.000 Play the Roast Battles?

02:30:21.000 Yeah, it's called Verbal Violence.

02:30:23.000 We're on, like, a lot of episodes.

02:30:25.000 We've been doing it for a while.

02:30:26.000 How come you never talk about that?

02:30:28.000 I always talk about it.

02:30:29.000 I've never heard you talk about that once.

02:30:31.000 Yeah.

02:30:31.000 I've literally never heard you talk about a podcast where you take all the roast battles and you put it online.

02:30:37.000 Do the roasters all know they're being put online?

02:30:39.000 Oh yeah.

02:30:39.000 It's been on for over a year.

02:30:42.000 How do I not know this?

02:30:43.000 Do you know this?

02:30:45.000 Jamie, you know it?

02:30:46.000 Coach T records them all.

02:30:47.000 They're sounding pretty good.

02:30:48.000 Coach T does a real good job on it.

02:30:51.000 They do something like they'll have Kim as a guest, Kim Congdon.

02:30:56.000 Then they'll interview her about her battle and they'll play the whole battle.

02:31:00.000 So they make it like special events.

02:31:02.000 So it's not like last night's is going to be on there.

02:31:05.000 They just pick out all the good ones.

02:31:07.000 They interview the people and they'll reflect on the battles.

02:31:11.000 They don't play the whole battles the whole way through.

02:31:14.000 Yeah.

02:31:15.000 They don't play all of them, though.

02:31:16.000 They'll play the whole thing, and then in between they'll interrupt a little.

02:31:20.000 Oh, so he just edits it and does whatever he wants and cuts in and out of it?

02:31:22.000 Yeah.

02:31:23.000 So it's good for podcasts, because they kind of have to explain some of the battles, because a lot of the battles are inside jokes and stuff, and so that's why they have kind of cuts in between where they talk.

02:31:33.000 Why don't you film it?

02:31:34.000 They do.

02:31:35.000 They film it on Periscope.

02:31:37.000 Why don't you put it on YouTube?

02:31:39.000 I don't know why they don't do it.

02:31:41.000 I don't think they're allowed to.

02:31:43.000 Not anymore, yeah.

02:31:44.000 With the Comedy Central deal?

02:31:46.000 The new thing?

02:31:46.000 Yeah, but they've been doing this for over a year.

02:31:49.000 That's what I'm saying.

02:31:50.000 I don't think these networks get it yet.

02:31:54.000 If they had...

02:31:56.000 If they had a huge built-in following, then you get those numbers when they switch over.

02:32:02.000 Those people are always going to go find the TV show.

02:32:05.000 Well, they figured it out with This Is Not Happening.

02:32:06.000 Yeah.

02:32:07.000 They figured it out with Ari's show.

02:32:08.000 I mean, Ari's show started out as a Comedy Central internet show, which was basically uncensored and had much longer stories.

02:32:16.000 Like, Joey could tell a 10-minute story or something on that, whereas now, everything has to fit into those commercial breaks.

02:32:21.000 So they're editing a lot of stories.

02:32:23.000 They chop stories up and they shorten them and take a little of this out and take a little of that out.

02:32:29.000 The best way is to see them live.

02:32:32.000 Especially Roast Battle.

02:32:33.000 Same thing with the actual roast, too.

02:32:35.000 I wish that it was more live and you would see the highs and the lows because it makes the highs a lot better.

02:32:41.000 Yeah, why don't they do them live? 0.79

02:32:42.000 Why don't they just have a live event?

02:32:44.000 Is it too difficult to film a live TV event?

02:32:47.000 It's expensive, right?

02:32:48.000 It's a lot more expensive.

02:32:49.000 I think they just get to go in and really perfect it.

02:32:52.000 The little bit that I did watch last night, Joel Gallen, the EP of that roast, who's done every single roast, all the MTV video awards, he's a genius.

02:33:03.000 And to get to see the reaction shots that he does match them up with, that you can only get halfway there live, but to see...

02:33:12.000 You get more bang for your buck because you get the joke, Then you get the reaction from the person who was made fun of.

02:33:20.000 Then you get the audience.

02:33:21.000 And if you match all those things up right, you get the joke, reaction, boom.

02:33:24.000 You're laughing at four things at once.

02:33:27.000 I think going in and doing the surgery to that probably benefits the show.

02:33:31.000 But still, I think that's too long of a turnover a week.

02:33:33.000 It should be the next night or something.

02:33:35.000 They could do that continuously.

02:33:36.000 Kill Tony is another show that works best in that little room.

02:33:40.000 It's great in the big room, but it's just not as good.

02:33:44.000 We're getting better at it though.

02:33:45.000 We've been doing every other Monday in the main room and it's getting like big and fun and cool.

02:33:50.000 We got, you know, Pat Reagan and Jeremiah Watkins, Joel Menezes.

02:33:53.000 So it just has a different feeling when you do the bigger one?

02:33:55.000 It's getting bigger and better.

02:33:56.000 We're getting better at it.

02:33:57.000 So you like it, but what do you prefer?

02:34:01.000 Really, honestly, I sort of like what we're doing right now.

02:34:04.000 We really should just take over Mondays in the main room and commit to it and have special ones, you know, like a chill one, be in the belly room once in a while, just a throwback episode, because I'm starting to fall in love with the main room.

02:34:16.000 And I think that if we keep doing it there, it's just going to keep getting bigger.

02:34:19.000 And to have the chance of having... 0.74

02:34:22.000 400 people every Monday at 8pm, like have it be like a Fuck Mondays show pretty much, which it's sort of turning into. 0.81

02:34:30.000 Like we had like, I don't know, 100 people there last night. 0.74

02:34:32.000 Over 100 last night, yeah, it was amazing.

02:34:34.000 Now...

02:34:34.000 With Dom Irera, as the only guest announced.

02:34:38.000 Dom Irera's perfect.

02:34:39.000 That's all you need. 0.98

02:34:39.000 And just murder the whole time. 0.98

02:34:41.000 Do you feel like there's something extra creepy about watching somebody bomb in front of 80 people though? 0.99

02:34:46.000 It's like there's a feeling in the in the belly room when someone's eating a plate of shit in the belly room. 0.99

02:34:52.000 It's a different feeling. 0.98

02:34:53.000 Yeah, you can hear their heartbeat.

02:34:56.000 It's so intimate. 1.00

02:34:58.000 It's so fucked up that you smell them. 1.00

02:35:01.000 You smell the fear. 1.00

02:35:02.000 You smell their insecurities.

02:35:04.000 You see the sweat start to pour on.

02:35:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:35:07.000 Boy, who the fuck stole that joke? 1.00

02:35:09.000 Who stole that idea? 1.00

02:35:11.000 What?

02:35:11.000 Didn't someone steal the idea?

02:35:13.000 Oh, the Kill Tony?

02:35:14.000 Yeah.

02:35:15.000 I wouldn't say stolen.

02:35:16.000 I mean, we'll see, like, what happens.

02:35:19.000 But according to some of our friends in New York, like, the guy who's doing it's cool and, like, wouldn't do that type of thing.

02:35:26.000 Who's that?

02:35:27.000 Ron Bennington.

02:35:28.000 Bennington?

02:35:29.000 Bennington?

02:35:30.000 That's the Ron and Fez guy.

02:35:31.000 Yeah, seems very cool.

02:35:32.000 I don't know him, though.

02:35:33.000 What I've heard, though, is it's actually a company that just takes a lot of West Coast's ideas, like Roast Battles.

02:35:38.000 They made a generic version of Roast Battle for the East Coast.

02:35:41.000 Same people?

02:35:41.000 Yeah.

02:35:41.000 And so they're just kind of picking and choosing what they want to steal, and they rebrand it.

02:35:48.000 I was upset the first day or so, but like Tony said, let's just see what happens.

02:35:53.000 Once Big Jay Oakerson and a couple other people were like, I think Ari hit me up, and it's like, yo, just let you know, Bennington guy's cool.

02:36:01.000 Let it die out.

02:36:02.000 And I'm like, alright, you got me.

02:36:04.000 Because I love those guys.

02:36:05.000 So, I mean, if they're saying that, we're basically like brothers across the country.

02:36:09.000 What's sketchy, though, is because Joe Rogan podcast has been on Sirius for the last couple years.

02:36:15.000 I don't know if it's on anymore, but they used to rebroadcast it.

02:36:18.000 And for years, we've talked about Kill Tony and the format and stuff.

02:36:21.000 And the same show is on the same network.

02:36:23.000 So that's a little kind of creepy.

02:36:24.000 And we've had everybody on the show.

02:36:26.000 Well, listen, you guys have been doing Kill Tony for how many years now?

02:36:29.000 Over three years.

02:36:30.000 Yeah, everybody knows about it.

02:36:31.000 It's not a surprise.

02:36:33.000 And it's an interesting format.

02:36:34.000 It's a funny format.

02:36:35.000 Yeah.

02:36:35.000 You know, and limiting them to a minute, like, gives plenty of time for awkwardness, but it doesn't let it get completely out of control.

02:36:42.000 And that's the part where they messed up.

02:36:44.000 Like, if they were gonna do it, they made a huge fundamental mistake, because they just made it so that the comedian, I guess, can, like, just ring a bell at any point, which, of course, these New Yorkers...

02:36:56.000 You know?

02:36:57.000 Think it's hilarious to probably interrupt seven seconds in.

02:37:00.000 Ding!

02:37:01.000 Oh, I got one for you!

02:37:02.000 You know what I mean?

02:37:04.000 New York comedy!

02:37:06.000 Just unstoppable!

02:37:07.000 Sure.

02:37:07.000 Anyway.

02:37:08.000 Do you have a problem with New York comedians?

02:37:10.000 Come on.

02:37:10.000 I mean, I don't have a problem, but, like, they're, you know, come on.

02:37:14.000 Anybody that knows what I'm talking about knows what I'm talking about.

02:37:16.000 East Coast, West Coast, man.

02:37:17.000 Oh, I got something for you!

02:37:20.000 What's going on?

02:37:21.000 What is this?

02:37:21.000 The elbows and the shoulders.

02:37:23.000 What are you doing here?

02:37:24.000 Nothing.

02:37:25.000 You know, they're the best out there.

02:37:26.000 Are you mocking New York comedians?

02:37:28.000 They're the best.

02:37:29.000 No, you seem to be mocking them.

02:37:30.000 What?

02:37:30.000 I started in LA. Are we going East Coast, West Coast?

02:37:32.000 I just need to know.

02:37:33.000 Tupac, baby.

02:37:34.000 I just need to know where I stand because I'm going to be in the East Coast soon in November and I don't want any issues.

02:37:40.000 I just want to say that I was born in New Jersey.

02:37:43.000 Do you identify with East Coast in some ways?

02:37:45.000 I actually think East Coast comics are nicer and less backstabby and more real.

02:37:52.000 Go move to New York for a year, Brian.

02:37:55.000 Interesting.

02:37:56.000 You mean they're nice to you when they're in town and want to do your podcast to promote something? 0.99

02:38:00.000 No, no, it's weird because out here it's like you don't really, you know, there's a lot of fake shit out there. 0.99

02:38:05.000 Well, that is true. 0.99

02:38:07.000 This is a climate of fakeness with auditions and meeting producers and all the bullshit that comes with trying to be a working actor in L.A. It definitely taints comedy. 0.96

02:38:18.000 There's a lot of people that you all know that are semi-comedians that do a little stand-up here and there, but they never record anything, and they occasionally go on the road, but really what they do is they work as actors, and then they dabble in comedy.

02:38:32.000 Right? 0.99

02:38:32.000 Those are weird fuckers. 0.99

02:38:34.000 Because they're not fully in, and the way they behave and talk and think is just a little shade off. 1.00

02:38:41.000 It's like a hybrid between an actor and a comedian.

02:38:45.000 Yeah.

02:38:46.000 And they, you know, I don't know.

02:38:48.000 They're different in New York.

02:38:50.000 It's like, hey, I did 17 sets tonight.

02:38:52.000 It's like, well, that's good.

02:38:54.000 Well, how much value are you putting on those 17 sets?

02:38:58.000 Because I did one set at the Comedy Store and know that this new two minutes works exactly like this and, like, it's a higher level.

02:39:07.000 Yeah.

02:39:08.000 I don't know, man.

02:39:09.000 It depends on how much time you're getting.

02:39:11.000 If you're doing 15 minutes at the Comedy Store, it's a decent amount of time.

02:39:16.000 One of the problems with those short sets is you're doing five and seven minute sets and there's a bunch of people doing them.

02:39:22.000 Those are really hard to get anything weird going.

02:39:25.000 They're really hard to express points of view on things and elaborate on those points of view and have those points of view tie in with other ridiculous things that you notice in life.

02:39:34.000 You don't have enough time.

02:39:35.000 And I love New York comedians, don't get me wrong.

02:39:38.000 I'm just hating on this show specifically.

02:39:40.000 Like, what I heard of this show that's like the people said where they kill Tony ripoff is just a bunch of people ringing the bell immediately.

02:39:46.000 Yeah, they don't even let the poor comic even do their first joke without them bashing them.

02:39:51.000 Because they think it's funny to interrupt.

02:39:53.000 And so, like, without that tension being built over 60 seconds, you don't know whether you like them, whether you hate them.

02:40:00.000 You just know that this, you know, person on the panel is just being annoying.

02:40:05.000 Well, when I do your show, it's always this weird combination of, like, I try to be funny, but there's part of me that just wants to give, like, actual advice.

02:40:12.000 It's part of it.

02:40:13.000 It's like a balance of the two.

02:40:14.000 And then part of me wants to, like, let people know, like, whatever you're thinking is happening right now, like, whatever you think, like, this is work, this is a mess.

02:40:22.000 Like, someone needs to explain this to you that this is all a mess.

02:40:25.000 And, like, if you just...

02:40:26.000 Last night we had people bombing one after the other, after the other, after the other, and you thought that the show was just Bombers Row, and then finally we go to the bucket one last time, and there was one, you know, this young black guy, 22 years old, 1.00

02:40:42.000 that's been doing it for five years, fucking destroys, and you're like, holy shit. 0.99

02:40:48.000 He's a wrestler? 1.00

02:40:49.000 Mm-hmm.

02:40:49.000 He just moved here from New York.

02:40:51.000 Well, he's not a wrestler anymore.

02:40:53.000 He went to high school with John Jones.

02:40:55.000 He wrestled in high school, he wrestled in college, and now he's grown up. 0.99

02:40:59.000 And he's a killer. 0.96

02:41:01.000 He's coming. 1.00

02:41:01.000 22 years old. 1.00

02:41:02.000 There's a lot of them out there.

02:41:05.000 Something Shine.

02:41:06.000 David Shine, I think his name was.

02:41:08.000 Now, do you think anybody bombs on purpose?

02:41:11.000 Is there anybody that goes out there and purposely tanks it?

02:41:14.000 There's been a few trolls.

02:41:16.000 I think people want to do good.

02:41:18.000 Yeah, there's been a couple trolls, but they don't last a second.

02:41:21.000 I immediately get rid of them.

02:41:23.000 You can't just come on and plug something.

02:41:25.000 You're done.

02:41:26.000 Like a book?

02:41:28.000 Yeah, exactly.

02:41:30.000 And Coulter. 1.00

02:41:31.000 Alright, let's bring this bitch home. 1.00

02:41:33.000 It's 4.30. 1.00

02:41:34.000 Good night, everybody.

02:41:35.000 Kill Tony on Monday's Comedy Store.

02:41:38.000 Alternating between Main Room and Belly Room.

02:41:42.000 Wednesday, we're both at the Death Squad show at the Comedy Store.

02:41:45.000 Wednesday night, 8.30.

02:41:46.000 Is that when it starts?

02:41:47.000 8.30.

02:41:48.000 Burt Kreischer, Christina Piszewski, Steve Renazzisi, George Perez, a bunch of people. 0.65

02:41:51.000 Yeah, it's a big-ass show. 1.00

02:41:53.000 Big-ass show, you fucks. 1.00

02:41:54.000 And then September 29th, Tony and I are at the Palace Theater in Columbus. 0.99

02:41:59.000 What did I say?

02:42:00.000 30th?

02:42:00.000 Oh, yeah, 30th.

02:42:01.000 Don't go to the 29th.

02:42:02.000 We won't be there.

02:42:03.000 Go to the 30th.

02:42:04.000 The 30th, we're at the Palace Theater in Columbus.

02:42:07.000 And then the first, we're at the Tower Theater in Philadelphia. 0.99

02:42:12.000 That's it, you fucks. 0.99

02:42:13.000 Red Band on Twitter. 1.00

02:42:14.000 Red Band on Instagram. 0.99

02:42:15.000 Tony motherfucking Hinge Club. 0.99

02:42:17.000 I'm touring like crazy. 0.99

02:42:19.000 Come see me, please.

02:42:20.000 TonyHinchCliff.com. 0.92

02:42:21.000 Like a loony person. 0.52

02:42:22.000 We're doing Kill Tony at the Come and Take It Festival, November 18th. 0.79

02:42:25.000 Houston, Texas.

02:42:26.000 And in the Podfest.

02:42:26.000 Beautiful.

02:42:27.000 September 23rd.

02:42:28.000 All right, folks.

02:42:28.000 We'll be back tomorrow with Andreas Antonopoulos.

02:42:31.000 See ya!

The Joe Rogan Experience - September 06, 2016

Joe Rogan Experience #843 - Tony Hinchcliffe

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript