The Joe Rogan Experience - February 24, 2010


Joe Rogan Experience #9 - Brian Redban (Part 2)

Topics
weed experimentation fat people and airlines radio gig weed cigarettes cigarettes cocaine addiction cigarette collection smoking weed message board House of Blues costs
Hosted by
Joe Rogan
Guests
Brian Redban
Mentioned
Joey Diaz Brian Conan O'Brien Doug Stanhope Kevin Smith Firefox Norm Macdonald Tom Segura Wyatt Earp Val Kilmer Eddie Ift David Lee Roth Bud Light-style Jimmy Fallon Doc Holliday Aaron Della Vadova Remshoe Gallery Comedy Store Hillary Clinton Dennis Quaid and 53 more
JRE MMA Show #8 with Jimmy Smith JRE MMA Show #10 with Tyron Woodley

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 13 minutes

Words per minute

194.9

Word count

14,309

Sentence count

1,805

Harmful content

Misogyny

61

sentences flagged

Toxicity

695

sentences flagged

Hate speech

67

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

The boys are back, and things are not as bad as they seem to think they are. We talk about the latest in Mac vs. PC debate, and how stupid people are for not getting a Mac, and why you should get a Mac instead of a PC. Also, we talk about how much better a Mac is than a PC, and what it's like to be on a Mac. We also talk about why we should all go buy a Mac and why it's better than an old fashioned PC. And of course, we take a look at the dumbest thing a person has ever said about the NFL and why they should support the Washington Redskins and the Miami Dolphins. And finally, we answer the question, "Is it better to be a Mac or a PC?" and why the answer is no. Subscribe to the podcast and rate/subscribe in Apple Podcasts! Subscribe, review, and tell a friend about this podcast if you like it! Thanks for listening and Good Luck Out There! XOXO, Brian and David xoxo - The Brian and Dave Show is back. - Brian & David - David Lee Roth Brian & Dave - The Bah Face - Xoxo, and the rest of the crew at , is back! Brian is back and back from the holidays. and we are back with a new episode of the bah face, and we will be back next week! . We hope you enjoy this episode! , and we can't wait until next week for the next week's episode of Outlawd! (and we'll be back with another episode next week, so stay tuned for that's coming soon! - we'll see you soon, we'll hear from you guys next week and we'll send you guys back with more of the Bah face next week!! next week... (hopefully next week ) Thank you for listening to this episode of The Brian/Rothy Show! :D - Brian and Raldy and David Lee and the boys . . - XOXOXO! xOXO & the boys at , David Lee BOOFFH! and ? - BOBBY AND GABY - RYAN AND GRABFFHORDS

Transcript

Transcripts from "The Joe Rogan Experience" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:03.000 We're back.
00:00:04.000 It was a mess, ladies and gentlemen.
00:00:06.000 We tried to come back online.
00:00:09.000 I was trying to put up an image of me and David Lee Roth, and what the fuck ever, Firefox crashed on me.
00:00:19.000 But I was trying to show you the bah face. 1.00
00:00:22.000 We're all back, right?
00:00:23.000 Everything's good?
00:00:25.000 I'm gonna try to unload it through here.
00:00:32.000 Flickr also has a nice desktop loader you should download sometime.
00:00:36.000 Oh.
00:00:36.000 You just drag it to it.
00:00:38.000 Oh, really?
00:00:38.000 Yeah.
00:00:39.000 Okay.
00:00:40.000 I'll get that shot. 1.00
00:00:41.000 Shit. 0.99
00:00:43.000 Put the picture up right now. 0.99
00:00:45.000 I think today is the last day of Firefox. 0.99
00:00:48.000 Firefox can suck it. 0.98
00:00:50.000 It's gotten bad lately. 0.99
00:00:53.000 I've noticed Chrome's been really good. 0.94
00:00:55.000 Yeah, I've been crashing a fucking lot with Firefox. 0.95
00:00:58.000 Like, a lot. 0.97
00:00:59.000 Yeah.
00:00:59.000 I stopped using it.
00:01:03.000 Yeah.
00:01:03.000 Okay.
00:01:04.000 We're back, ladies and gentlemen.
00:01:05.000 I apologize.
00:01:06.000 I apologize.
00:01:07.000 And it's saved, though.
00:01:08.000 So if you are just coming in now, the first hour and a half is already saved.
00:01:14.000 Oh, that's annoying, right?
00:01:15.000 It's better if I have a white thing on my screen because it acts as a light.
00:01:18.000 Look.
00:01:21.000 Oh, look.
00:01:22.000 There's a light on.
00:01:23.000 But it's not a light.
00:01:25.000 It's just a little window I open.
00:01:27.000 Hmm.
00:01:28.000 I'm so clever.
00:01:29.000 Hmm.
00:01:34.000 If you've got a light behind your monitor, it actually eases your eyes and puts less strain on your eyes.
00:01:39.000 Listen to you, Dr. Phil.
00:01:41.000 Dr. Oz.
00:01:42.000 Dr. Oz is a real doctor, right?
00:01:44.000 Dr. Phil?
00:01:45.000 Yeah.
00:01:47.000 Firefox does blow.
00:01:48.000 You're right.
00:01:49.000 We're using Safari right now. 1.00
00:01:51.000 All you fucking silly cunts. 1.00
00:01:54.000 All these fucking Mac guys. 1.00
00:01:57.000 Get a PC! That Mac garbage! 1.00
00:02:00.000 Oh, it's the same guy. 1.00
00:02:01.000 Over and over again.
00:02:04.000 NNICOFAN2009. You are dumb. 1.00
00:02:07.000 Okay? 1.00
00:02:07.000 You're dumb. 1.00
00:02:08.000 You're a dumb person. 1.00
00:02:10.000 This whole Mac versus PC thing. 1.00
00:02:13.000 What do you give a fuck? 0.99
00:02:15.000 And you're telling me that PCs are somehow or another better than Macs? 1.00
00:02:17.000 Guess what, douchebag?
00:02:19.000 PCs get viruses, Macs don't. 0.95
00:02:21.000 It's that, but there are viruses!
00:02:22.000 They've written viruses! 0.99
00:02:24.000 You bring me one dude who's ever had a virus on his fucking Mac. 1.00
00:02:28.000 One. 0.99
00:02:29.000 I know everyone I know who's had a PC, except Voodoo Chicken. 1.00
00:02:32.000 He claims to have never gotten a virus.
00:02:34.000 That's a lie.
00:02:35.000 I think that's a lie.
00:02:36.000 Everybody gets viruses on PCs.
00:02:38.000 Just that alone, it's better to get a Mac. 0.94
00:02:40.000 Second of all, Macs don't fucking crash nearly as much. 0.72
00:02:43.000 This wasn't a Mac problem. 0.95
00:02:44.000 This was a Firefox problem.
00:02:46.000 Everything else on the computer worked fine.
00:02:48.000 That's why I was able to reboot. 1.00
00:02:49.000 Faggot! 1.00
00:02:50.000 Listen, stop worrying about Mac versus PC. 1.00
00:02:53.000 It's just a goddamn operating system. 0.99
00:02:55.000 It's like the Republicans versus the Democrats. 1.00
00:02:57.000 Most of the people on one side or the other are just on a fucking team, and their simple little brains are stuck on that team. 0.99
00:03:03.000 They might not even agree with half the shit the Republicans say, but they support them and even say, well, we've got to support our team. 0.99
00:03:09.000 I don't agree with what they're doing right now. 0.98
00:03:10.000 But what's important is that we support them and we push forward and we get a Republican in office in 2012. They're just the Washington Redskins versus the fucking Miami Dolphins. 0.99
00:03:22.000 That's all that shit is. 1.00
00:03:23.000 It's teams. 1.00
00:03:24.000 It's just like, Boston versus Philly. 1.00
00:03:26.000 Philly sucks! 1.00
00:03:27.000 Boston rules! 1.00
00:03:28.000 That's the same moronic bullshit. 1.00
00:03:30.000 There is no fucking Philly. 1.00
00:03:32.000 There is no Boston. 1.00
00:03:33.000 It's nonsense. 1.00
00:03:34.000 You're a dummy. 1.00
00:03:35.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:03:36.000 Alright? 1.00
00:03:37.000 How dare you?
00:03:38.000 Where was I? Anyway.
00:03:39.000 Did you upload that photo?
00:03:40.000 Of course I did.
00:03:41.000 It's not on there.
00:03:41.000 How dare you?
00:03:45.000 Oh! 0.60
00:03:47.000 I swear to God, I pressed that thing.
00:03:49.000 They all saw it.
00:03:50.000 That thing with the thing! 1.00
00:03:50.000 Look how quick it is, though. 1.00
00:03:51.000 Oh, it's so beautiful.
00:03:52.000 They just told me that they're upgrading my download speed to, like, 30 megs next month.
00:03:57.000 Oh, my Jesus!
00:03:58.000 It's like, thanks!
00:03:59.000 I don't even have 20. I have, like, I think 16 or 18. 18, it said.
00:04:04.000 Last time it said 18.
00:04:05.000 Alright, I got the picture of David Lee Roth.
00:04:08.000 Cool now.
00:04:14.000 That's great. 1.00
00:04:15.000 Motherfucker. 1.00
00:04:16.000 uh, That's hilarious. 1.00
00:04:22.000 Alright, this is what caused all the fucking trouble, ladies and gentlemen. 0.99
00:04:26.000 A goddamn picture of me and David Lee Roth. 0.99
00:04:28.000 But it was just to prove that Brian has been making this crazy boff face for... 0.99
00:04:34.000 Years, because this picture of Davey Lee Roth was like, what was that, like from 2005?
00:04:37.000 It's like three or four years ago.
00:04:38.000 It was before we got banned from the Comedy, or that whole Comedy Store thing.
00:04:42.000 Yeah, because it was at the Comedy Store.
00:04:44.000 So that's 2006, maybe?
00:04:49.000 It was right before he got back together with Van Halen, before they announced that they were going to get back together.
00:04:54.000 He was telling us about it there though.
00:04:56.000 Yeah.
00:04:56.000 Alright, I just put it on my little Twitter.
00:05:05.000 Sure.
00:05:06.000 And then you see Brian in the background making that crazy face.
00:05:10.000 He did that. 1.00
00:05:11.000 No bullshit. 1.00
00:05:12.000 Fucking hundreds of thousands of times. 1.00
00:05:17.000 That was a long odyssey just to get one picture put up. 0.99
00:05:19.000 I know.
00:05:20.000 It really wasn't worth it.
00:05:21.000 Epic fail.
00:05:22.000 Indeed.
00:05:23.000 Indeed.
00:05:24.000 Always talking about that Ann O'Keefe and that fella.
00:05:28.000 Try out chat roulette.
00:05:29.000 You know what?
00:05:29.000 I would think about doing that, but I don't want to see any dudes cocks randomly.
00:05:33.000 I did it.
00:05:34.000 I tried it out.
00:05:35.000 I put...
00:05:35.000 I found this...
00:05:37.000 Somebody already did this before, but I found this big black chick, and I put her on loop, and then... 1.00
00:05:43.000 Check it out?
00:05:45.000 Did it just and recorded the screen and stuff, but it was like maybe 90% Cox.
00:05:51.000 It's not even funny.
00:05:52.000 It's really sad that there's so many creepy people out there.
00:05:57.000 Come on! 0.61
00:05:58.000 Well, you know what? 0.98
00:05:58.000 It's dudes that want to show their dicks at work and they just never get the opportunity. 0.98
00:06:02.000 But they get at home and they're wearing a fucking wrestling mask and they go crazy. 1.00
00:06:05.000 And it's just oppression, man. 1.00
00:06:08.000 It's like Catholic school girls. 0.96
00:06:09.000 Remember Catholic school girls when you were a kid? 0.99
00:06:11.000 They were always the biggest sluts, right? 1.00
00:06:13.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:06:13.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:06:14.000 Why? 0.99
00:06:14.000 Because they never seen a dick. 0.99
00:06:16.000 They're whisked away to some fucking magical place where only girls exist. 1.00
00:06:20.000 They have all-girl teachers and shit, and they're told that dicks are evil, and they just can't wait to suck one. 1.00
00:06:25.000 They can't wait. 1.00
00:06:26.000 Those bitches can't wait. 1.00
00:06:27.000 They can't wait to get a dick in their mouth. 1.00
00:06:29.000 They just want to do the forbidden thing, you know? 1.00
00:06:31.000 They can't suppress human beings, man.
00:06:32.000 I would like to do it with maybe like a five-year-old girl on loop just sitting there going like this, you know, like that, and see if any of these guys with the...
00:06:41.000 Dicks, if they put it away, or if they sit there. 0.99
00:06:43.000 No, they would fucking love it, man. 1.00
00:06:44.000 You think? 0.98
00:06:45.000 Well, we can record them and put them on YouTube.
00:06:47.000 That's not a bad idea.
00:06:48.000 If we get a fake loop of a girl.
00:06:51.000 Just a little kid just sitting there going, like she's looking at the monitor, and see if the guy immediately disconnects, or if he sits there an extra couple seconds.
00:07:00.000 Well, how does it work? 0.82
00:07:01.000 Do they pull their dicks out immediately, as soon as you log in? 0.72
00:07:03.000 Yeah, what it is, it just automatically puts you in with a room with another person, both on webcam. 1.00
00:07:08.000 And do they have their dick out When I was doing it, it was just guys stroking it. 0.99
00:07:15.000 So right when you went in there, you're like... 0.99
00:07:16.000 Okay, so that's what you should do. 0.81
00:07:18.000 We should get a video of a five or six-year-old girl just freaking the fuck out from the beginning. 1.00
00:07:24.000 Right.
00:07:24.000 So it would only work on the guys that had already beaten off.
00:07:26.000 Right.
00:07:26.000 Because otherwise we'd have to time it.
00:07:28.000 Time it normally and then go, oh my god!
00:07:31.000 Yeah.
00:07:31.000 Yeah.
00:07:33.000 Yeah, and have her scream, call the police! 1.00
00:07:35.000 Call the police!
00:07:36.000 We didn't even have to do it.
00:07:37.000 We just had the girl go, You know, that kind of like, no, better just call him this. 1.00
00:07:42.000 Let's freak this motherfucker out. 1.00
00:07:44.000 You know? 1.00
00:07:46.000 Yeah, because they can catch you.
00:07:48.000 The freaky weird dudes are mostly straight... 1.00
00:07:51.000 Gay get sex all the time. 1.00
00:07:54.000 We are less repressed. 0.99
00:07:56.000 Yeah, right. 1.00
00:07:57.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:07:58.000 Let me tell you something. 1.00
00:08:00.000 Everyone's fucked up. 1.00
00:08:01.000 Don't you tell me that gays are less repressed. 1.00
00:08:04.000 Of course you're more repressed. 1.00
00:08:05.000 Society represses gay sex. 1.00
00:08:08.000 Gays are just as fucked up as religion repressing straight sex. 1.00
00:08:13.000 And a lot of gays grow up in religious households, too. 1.00
00:08:15.000 And that makes them extra fucked up. 1.00
00:08:18.000 It's not like a coincidence that gay people do so much crystal meth and there's so many gay people that love to party and their lives become a wreck and they fucking torch their immune system. 1.00
00:08:28.000 Gay people, there's a lot of crazy fucking gay people. 1.00
00:08:30.000 And not repressed doesn't always mean that you're not fucked up. 1.00
00:08:35.000 I mean, how about bug chasers? 1.00
00:08:37.000 How about gay dudes that are purposely trying to get AIDS? You know that? 0.99
00:08:40.000 Gay dudes who purposely try to get HIV, they want to get it. 1.00
00:08:43.000 They think there's something hot about it, and so they go and have unprotected sex on purpose, hoping to get HIV. That's fucked up. 1.00
00:08:52.000 You know, you can't say that gay people are less fucked up sexually than straight people. 1.00
00:08:57.000 Everyone's fucked. 1.00
00:08:57.000 Humans across the board, universally, are fucked up. 1.00
00:09:02.000 It's just way too difficult to come out and have your shit together. 1.00
00:09:05.000 I mean, how many people, like, really have their shit together? 1.00
00:09:08.000 If you had to guess, the numbers. 0.99
00:09:11.000 I don't think anyone really has their shit together. 0.99
00:09:13.000 No, but I mean, have your shit together to a point where, you know, like, oh, he's not doing anything. 0.99
00:09:17.000 Oh, right. 1.00
00:09:17.000 He's self-destructive. 1.00
00:09:18.000 He's being productive and positive.
00:09:20.000 It's like, maybe one out of a hundred, man.
00:09:23.000 Maybe.
00:09:23.000 Out of the people that you meet, one out of a hundred.
00:09:25.000 The other 99 are nuts. 0.99
00:09:27.000 You know? 0.95
00:09:27.000 Half nuts, partially nuts. 0.95
00:09:29.000 You're nuts. 1.00
00:09:29.000 I'm nuts. 1.00
00:09:30.000 We're both nuts. 0.99
00:09:31.000 You know? 0.99
00:09:31.000 I mean, how many... 0.99
00:09:31.000 I mean, even the Dalai Lama's fucking nuts. 0.99
00:09:34.000 You know what the Dalai Lama said? 0.99
00:09:35.000 He called, uh... 0.99
00:09:36.000 He said that oral and anal sex were, were, um... 0.99
00:09:39.000 I forget the exact terms he used. 0.99
00:09:42.000 Sexual deviations or something like that. 0.99
00:09:46.000 I forget the term that the Dalai Lama used, but basically he was saying that oral sex is really bad. 0.99
00:09:53.000 It's terrible for you. 0.99
00:09:54.000 You shouldn't do it. 1.00
00:09:56.000 Like, you shouldn't eat pussy. 1.00
00:09:58.000 Girls love it. 1.00
00:09:59.000 It feels good, and I like doing it, right?
00:10:02.000 You like doing it?
00:10:02.000 Yeah, we've talked about this, but there's actually science now saying that it can cause cancer in the person that's eating out the girl now, or something like that.
00:10:11.000 What are you fucking talking about? 0.97
00:10:12.000 Remember, we talked about this once. 1.00
00:10:14.000 Science?
00:10:14.000 No, we never talked about eating.
00:10:16.000 Eating pussy gives you cancer. 1.00
00:10:16.000 Yeah, we made a video. 1.00
00:10:17.000 We made a video about it where I talked about eating pussy and we were talking about it in that video. 1.00
00:10:21.000 Yeah, but we didn't say eating pussy gives you cancer. 1.00
00:10:23.000 Yeah, it was something that came out that... 1.00
00:10:24.000 You were talking about how you like to lock on it like a slug.
00:10:27.000 I know, but that's how we started talking about it.
00:10:28.000 Remember that? 1.00
00:10:29.000 I don't remember eating pussy gives you cancer, dude. 0.99
00:10:32.000 I think you might have just made that up. 1.00
00:10:33.000 No! 1.00
00:10:34.000 Oral sex. 1.00
00:10:36.000 Please, Twitterverse, tell me, sweet Jesus. 1.00
00:10:39.000 Please, please, please tell me that you don't get cancer from eating pussy. 1.00
00:10:43.000 There was some kind of study that oral sex increases throat cancer risk, serial scientists say. 1.00
00:10:50.000 No, that's for girls because dudes who have fucking dick warts shove their dick into a girl's mouth and the girl's mouth gets infected. 1.00
00:10:58.000 Like if you have the human papilloma virus. 1.00
00:11:00.000 Yeah, but that goes both ways.
00:11:03.000 Girls and guys can both get the HPV virus. 1.00
00:11:05.000 From eating pussy? 1.00
00:11:07.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:11:08.000 It's even worse for chicks because you're mixing up with fucking blood in their... 1.00
00:11:12.000 You know, you might get a clot back there in the corner that gets inside an open sore in your mouth. 1.00
00:11:17.000 That does sort of make sense, you know?
00:11:20.000 Eural sex can cause throat cancer.
00:11:22.000 March 9th, 2007. Man.
00:11:26.000 Kinda sucks though, because that's my favorite thing to do, so I've moved on to the ass. 1.00
00:11:33.000 Fuck, son. 1.00
00:11:35.000 What's wrong with you, boy? 1.00
00:11:39.000 What time we got here?
00:11:41.000 4.43, but we were down for 10 minutes. 0.99
00:11:46.000 Who's this one dummy that keeps saying, have I ever shit my pants? 1.00
00:11:51.000 You know, there's something wrong with you as a human being if you keep asking the same stupid fucking question over and over and over again. 1.00
00:12:00.000 That's what's interesting to you? 1.00
00:12:02.000 That's what's interesting to you.
00:12:04.000 All right, let's go to, we're going to go to forums.joerogan.net and see what the questions are. 0.92
00:12:17.000 We put up a thread, like we do every week, where people ask questions and shit. 0.64
00:12:30.000 Dallas this weekend, Addison Improv, three nights, almost sold out. 1.00
00:12:34.000 That's right, bitches. 1.00
00:12:36.000 It is almost sold out. 0.99
00:12:38.000 Late show Saturday night is sold out.
00:12:40.000 There's only 40 or 50 tickets left for both shows on Friday and the first show on Saturday.
00:12:48.000 So it's selling out quick.
00:12:49.000 So if you want to come to Dallas, by the time we get on the radio...
00:12:53.000 When we get on the radio, it's going to sell out quick.
00:12:55.000 We're going to do Lex and Terry and a couple other radio stations.
00:12:58.000 So that's, you know, if you want to jump on it, you've got to jump on it now.
00:13:03.000 When are you going to get your tattoo done?
00:13:05.000 The new one?
00:13:06.000 It's going to start in April.
00:13:07.000 I'm getting another sleeve.
00:13:09.000 I just thought of what I want to get covered up on mine.
00:13:12.000 Get the cat on top of that. 0.99
00:13:14.000 What cat?
00:13:14.000 Your crazy explosion cat?
00:13:18.000 I'm going to go and get this lasered off. 0.98
00:13:22.000 Oh, you are?
00:13:23.000 Lasered?
00:13:23.000 Yeah, this one.
00:13:24.000 The old one I have up here because I'm doing the whole sleeve.
00:13:28.000 Does he do laser there? 1.00
00:13:30.000 No, you have to go to a clinic and it hurts like a motherfucker. 0.99
00:13:32.000 It hurts more than a tattoo. 0.99
00:13:34.000 Let's see, let's see. 1.00
00:13:35.000 Don't be a pussy. 1.00
00:13:39.000 Did I ever tell them how I found out with my tattoo? 1.00
00:13:45.000 No, tell that story.
00:13:46.000 Show the tattoo first.
00:13:48.000 Tell the whole story.
00:13:49.000 Okay, so when I was younger, I was a manager of a movie theater.
00:13:51.000 One of my employees wanted to be a tattoo artist.
00:13:54.000 While he tells the story, I'm going to pee right back.
00:13:56.000 One of my employees wanted to be a tattoo artist, and her boyfriend owned a tattoo studio.
00:14:02.000 So the whole time, she's like, you know, he's teaching me every day how to do tattoos, and I do it on, like, watermelons or something like that to practice, and she's been doing it forever.
00:14:11.000 And finally, one day, she's like, you know what?
00:14:12.000 I'm going to start doing tattoos now, so if you know anyone that needs a tattoo, and she's like, I'll hook them up.
00:14:17.000 And I go, wow, how much are you charging?
00:14:19.000 And she's like, for you, I'll do it for free or something like that, because you'll be my first person to ever do it.
00:14:26.000 So I'm like thinking, free tattoo?
00:14:29.000 That's awesome.
00:14:30.000 So I went there.
00:14:31.000 It took her eight hours or something ridiculous to do this tattoo. 0.98
00:14:36.000 And it originally was supposed to be an Egyptian turtle with my name in Chinese or the letter R in Chinese in the middle of the turtle in Chinese. 0.99
00:14:47.000 It was some stupid. 0.99
00:14:48.000 I was really stoned or whatever. 1.00
00:14:49.000 And it hurts so bad she did nothing but scar me.
00:14:53.000 So I have tons of scar tissue. 0.94
00:14:55.000 And it's like the gayest looking tattoo. 0.71
00:14:57.000 It looks like Spider-Man was in a gang fight or something like that.
00:15:03.000 So one time I'm at this bar and this Chinese girl goes, let me see a tattoo. 0.99
00:15:11.000 And she goes, why do you have that on your arm?
00:15:13.000 Did she really talk like that?
00:15:15.000 It was worse than that. 1.00
00:15:16.000 She had a cock in her mouth. 1.00
00:15:17.000 But she looked at it and she goes, let me see that. 1.00
00:15:20.000 And she goes, why do you have that on your arm?
00:15:21.000 I'm like, what are you talking about?
00:15:22.000 That's an R in Chinese.
00:15:23.000 My last name.
00:15:24.000 Blah, blah, blah.
00:15:25.000 She goes, that's not an R. That's like flowing water.
00:15:28.000 That's like a waterfall.
00:15:30.000 Do you like waterfalls?
00:15:31.000 So I guess my tattoo means waterfalls.
00:15:33.000 Let me see it again. 0.99
00:15:34.000 So gay. 1.00
00:15:35.000 Anyways, I was thinking about getting the... 0.97
00:15:38.000 Getting the, you know how there's cats in Chinese restaurants?
00:15:41.000 Yeah, they have a clock.
00:15:43.000 That could be like the clock.
00:15:44.000 Dude, get me.
00:15:45.000 I'll have Aaron Della Vadova from Guru Tattoo.
00:15:47.000 We'll do it together.
00:15:48.000 That'd be awesome.
00:15:49.000 Or we'll have someone else's guru. 1.00
00:15:51.000 They have like seven fucking killer artists. 1.00
00:15:53.000 He can recommend somebody. 1.00
00:15:54.000 We'll have him draw it.
00:15:55.000 Honky Kong.
00:15:56.000 I got my tattoo done at Guru Tattoo in San Diego.
00:15:59.000 They rule.
00:15:59.000 And they're awesome.
00:16:01.000 Killer artists.
00:16:02.000 My guy, the guy that did me, is Aaron Della Vadova.
00:16:04.000 And he only does big, giant pieces.
00:16:06.000 He did my whole sleeve.
00:16:07.000 50 hours.
00:16:09.000 We went down there, I think, seven times, right?
00:16:11.000 And that's going to be the same with the right one.
00:16:12.000 We used to do this there.
00:16:14.000 Remember that?
00:16:14.000 We're going to do this there, too.
00:16:15.000 Remember that?
00:16:16.000 Yeah.
00:16:16.000 So, we're going to do Brian's...
00:16:18.000 We'll find you a good artist there, man.
00:16:22.000 He's got a whole killer staff of killer artists.
00:16:25.000 I wonder if Honky Kong's still there, because I wear a shirt every day, almost.
00:16:28.000 I bet he is.
00:16:29.000 I bet he is.
00:16:30.000 We can find out, man.
00:16:33.000 When does Red Band start stripping? 1.00
00:16:34.000 Oh, it's Edward Catflappo.
00:16:37.000 Hi Flapple!
00:16:39.000 Hello Kitty is worse than waterfalls. 1.00
00:16:41.000 It's not the Hello Kitty, man.
00:16:43.000 How dare you, bro?
00:16:44.000 Hello Kitty?
00:16:45.000 It's the good luck hack.
00:16:47.000 I didn't take a bump.
00:16:47.000 I peed.
00:16:48.000 I've never done a bump in my life.
00:16:50.000 It's one of the few drugs that I've never done.
00:16:52.000 There's a bunch of them that I've never done.
00:16:54.000 I've never done anything addictive.
00:16:55.000 There's Honky Kong in there.
00:16:57.000 Artists. 0.52
00:16:58.000 They got a bunch of killer artists, man.
00:16:59.000 That place is awesome.
00:17:01.000 It's in Pacific Beach down in San Diego.
00:17:04.000 I don't think so.
00:17:05.000 I don't think so.
00:17:05.000 I think that guy lost his marbles.
00:17:09.000 Anyway, what the fuck were we talking about? 0.99
00:17:11.000 Tattoos. 0.99
00:17:12.000 No.
00:17:13.000 Doing cocaine in the bathroom.
00:17:15.000 Oh, I've never done any coke.
00:17:16.000 I've never done coke any.
00:17:17.000 Ever.
00:17:18.000 Because when I was in high school, my friend Jimmy, his cousin, was selling coke.
00:17:22.000 I shouldn't even have said my friend who. 0.99
00:17:24.000 I'll let you fucking guess. 0.98
00:17:26.000 But he was selling it and when he was doing that he lost all this weight and he would hide in the basement or in the attic rather and they would do coke and watch TV and him and his girlfriend were just zombies. 0.99
00:17:40.000 And I saw his whole life fall apart.
00:17:42.000 I watched it happen. 1.00
00:17:43.000 And I remember saying, that fucking stuff's bad for you. 0.99
00:17:47.000 I just remember nothing but bad things from high school and right after high school of people and coke. 1.00
00:17:54.000 It was very obvious to me that coke was the worst thing you could do.
00:17:58.000 Can I do nitrous?
00:17:59.000 No.
00:18:00.000 Oh, like from Whippets?
00:18:02.000 Yeah, I did it once.
00:18:03.000 When I worked at an ice cream place.
00:18:06.000 I didn't like it.
00:18:07.000 It just gave me a headache.
00:18:09.000 I've done MDMA. Some guy asked me if I've done it.
00:18:12.000 I did ecstasy once.
00:18:13.000 Only one time.
00:18:15.000 And it was awesome.
00:18:16.000 But the next day was so bad. 1.00
00:18:18.000 The next day, I was so stupid. 1.00
00:18:20.000 My brain was like... 1.00
00:18:21.000 It felt like a sponge that had been just wrung out, dry, and then just left in the sun.
00:18:27.000 You know?
00:18:28.000 And then you try to...
00:18:29.000 Like, clean something with it.
00:18:30.000 It was just like...
00:18:31.000 It was so... 1.00
00:18:34.000 My brain was so dumb. 0.99
00:18:36.000 It just... 0.99
00:18:36.000 I was feeling so bad the next day. 0.99
00:18:39.000 I was like, this cannot be good for you. 0.99
00:18:41.000 It's gotta be fucking terrible for you. 0.99
00:18:43.000 Who knows what was in it, though? 0.99
00:18:45.000 It might not have just been MDMA, pure MDMA. It might have been, like...
00:18:49.000 They say that people cut it with speed and shit like that, you know? 0.98
00:18:52.000 Mm-hmm. 0.99
00:18:53.000 But anyway...
00:18:54.000 Yeah, I couldn't read the next day.
00:18:55.000 That guy...
00:18:56.000 Remshoe Gallery.
00:18:59.000 Remshoe Gallery.
00:19:00.000 Yeah, I couldn't read the next day, man.
00:19:02.000 Literally, I was sitting in... 0.94
00:19:03.000 A Starbucks and I was trying to read a magazine and I was like, I can't even fucking concentrate on this.
00:19:09.000 I literally couldn't focus. 0.85
00:19:11.000 It was bad. 0.99
00:19:12.000 It was a fucking great time, though, that night. 0.98
00:19:14.000 I can understand why people do it. 0.99
00:19:16.000 And I guess if you're not a big reader and you don't mind feeling stupid, the next day wouldn't be a problem. 0.95
00:19:21.000 But for me, man, I've talked to people who say this. 0.98
00:19:25.000 The next day they feel fine.
00:19:26.000 It just depends how much like strychnine is in it and stuff like that.
00:19:30.000 Have you ever candy flipped where it's a piece of candy and has ecstasy on one side and acid on the other side?
00:19:36.000 I heard that's crazy though.
00:19:37.000 It's a great combo.
00:19:38.000 Yeah?
00:19:39.000 Yeah.
00:19:39.000 But I heard it's like whenever you combine things like that, the recovery times just accelerated.
00:19:44.000 Oh yeah.
00:19:44.000 It's even more time.
00:19:45.000 I want to do it nowadays.
00:19:46.000 So, what else?
00:19:52.000 What's the best weed? 1.00
00:19:53.000 The best weed is the weed that you got, bitch. 1.00
00:19:57.000 You know, if you have the options... 1.00
00:19:59.000 See, the beautiful thing about California is this... 0.99
00:20:01.000 There, that guy's fucking great. 0.99
00:20:04.000 Go with that guy, man. 0.99
00:20:05.000 That's the perfect style.
00:20:06.000 Look at his style.
00:20:07.000 Yeah.
00:20:08.000 I could totally see that guy doing it.
00:20:10.000 Adam Hawthorne.
00:20:12.000 I think the thing that's cool about California is the fact that you get to go to these places and experiment with all these different strains.
00:20:21.000 Joey Diaz mixes it up every day.
00:20:23.000 He thinks that's... 1.00
00:20:24.000 Ooh, that shit is badass. 1.00
00:20:25.000 What is that right there? 1.00
00:20:28.000 Joey Diaz thinks that...
00:20:30.000 Let's see what this guy's tiger looks like.
00:20:32.000 Ooh.
00:20:33.000 Joey Diaz thinks that he should mix your weed up every day.
00:20:36.000 We're on gurutattoo.com.
00:20:38.000 G-U-R-U tattoo. 0.98
00:20:41.000 Joey says that if you smoke the same weed every day, you get used to it.
00:20:44.000 But if you mix up strains every day, that every day is like boom, boom.
00:20:47.000 So Joey buys like a little bit of weed every day.
00:20:49.000 It's like a ritual.
00:20:50.000 If you smoke weed every day, you get used to it.
00:20:52.000 I mean, I have to take a good three days off nowadays.
00:20:55.000 But Joey smokes weed every day.
00:20:56.000 I try not to.
00:20:57.000 Joey smokes weed every day.
00:20:59.000 Joey ain't taking no days off.
00:21:01.000 Yeah.
00:21:01.000 You know, when you go, when we're on the road...
00:21:03.000 We pass by Joey's hotel room.
00:21:05.000 We're all staying in the same hotel.
00:21:07.000 When you go to get Joey, his room stinks of weed. 1.00
00:21:10.000 I mean, fucking stinks. 1.00
00:21:12.000 Every day it stinks of weed. 1.00
00:21:13.000 He always knows the right guy in every town to get him weed.
00:21:18.000 And he always gets it.
00:21:20.000 Joey's an everyday weed guy.
00:21:21.000 I don't smoke weed every day.
00:21:23.000 I like to take days off.
00:21:25.000 I think it's better.
00:21:27.000 I don't like being completely obliterated every day. 0.99
00:21:32.000 I don't think that shit's healthy. 0.98
00:21:34.000 Alright, let's go to the questions on the message board. 0.99
00:21:39.000 Oh, your Charlotte, North Carolina date changed.
00:21:42.000 It changed?
00:21:42.000 Or the venue changed.
00:21:44.000 It did?
00:21:44.000 Yeah.
00:21:45.000 What is it?
00:21:46.000 Now it's Amo Southland?
00:21:52.000 Hmm.
00:21:56.000 Amos Southend.
00:21:58.000 Okay.
00:21:59.000 Whatever.
00:22:01.000 We're there for a UFC. The way it always works is whenever I'm in town for a UFC, I always do a gig the day before.
00:22:11.000 So let's go to the message board.
00:22:13.000 I did a gig in Sydney. 0.99
00:22:14.000 Had a great fucking time. 1.00
00:22:16.000 Australian people are the shit. 1.00
00:22:17.000 That show was fun, man. 1.00
00:22:18.000 But the show was...
00:22:20.000 Could have been better because I got too drunk the night before.
00:22:23.000 Oh, we got too drunk.
00:22:24.000 My brain was... 0.99
00:22:25.000 First of all, I was fucked up because I could not sleep. 0.99
00:22:27.000 Because you're 19 hours ahead when you go to Australia, so your body doesn't know what time it was. 0.99
00:22:31.000 I'd be exhausted.
00:22:33.000 I'd go to sleep.
00:22:33.000 Three hours later, I'd wake up.
00:22:35.000 And I didn't know what...
00:22:36.000 I thought I was taking a nap.
00:22:37.000 Like, my body had no idea.
00:22:38.000 I could not sleep for like eight hours in a session.
00:22:40.000 I couldn't do it.
00:22:41.000 So I'd sleep by three hours.
00:22:43.000 I get up.
00:22:43.000 I try to read.
00:22:44.000 I beat off.
00:22:45.000 I try to go back to sleep again.
00:22:46.000 I sleep for another hour and I wake up again.
00:22:48.000 It was so confusing, man.
00:22:50.000 But Friday night when we got there, it was me and Eddie and Tom Segura. 0.82
00:22:59.000 Me and Eddie and Tom Segura, we went to a bar and got fucking blitzkrieked. 0.60
00:23:04.000 We just pulled up to the bar. 0.64
00:23:06.000 We set up shop right by the bar at this club.
00:23:10.000 And just start buying people drinks.
00:23:12.000 Just went nutty. 1.00
00:23:13.000 I must have bought a hundred fucking drinks. 1.00
00:23:15.000 Really? 0.99
00:23:15.000 Just pointing at people. 0.99
00:23:16.000 Is drinks cheaper or more expensive?
00:23:18.000 No, I don't know.
00:23:18.000 It's all the same.
00:23:19.000 It's very close.
00:23:20.000 What's the dollar like?
00:23:21.000 It's like 92 to our dollar.
00:23:24.000 It's worth 92 cents.
00:23:26.000 Or it might be the opposite.
00:23:27.000 It's probably the opposite.
00:23:28.000 Ours might be worth 92 cents.
00:23:29.000 I'm not sure which one.
00:23:32.000 People are so cool.
00:23:33.000 You see any kangaroos anywhere?
00:23:34.000 Yeah, we did at the zoo.
00:23:35.000 They were depressed.
00:23:36.000 Depressed kangaroos just laying around like this. 1.00
00:23:38.000 Like, motherfucker. 1.00
00:23:39.000 That's what we were talking about earlier. 1.00
00:23:40.000 We were talking about the killer whale that killed people. 0.93
00:23:43.000 Yeah, the zoo's bummed me the fuck out, man.
00:23:45.000 I would like to see a kangaroo in the wild, but they're dangerous. 0.99
00:23:48.000 They'll fuck you up. 0.99
00:23:49.000 Was there anything in Australia that was just completely insane? 1.00
00:23:52.000 Like, their bathrooms have weird purple lights in them.
00:23:55.000 It's like, you know how you grow up?
00:23:56.000 We were talking about this, me and Eddie and Tom... 0.97
00:23:58.000 About how you know when you grow up you're taught that everything sucks except America. 0.97
00:24:02.000 Right. 1.00
00:24:03.000 It's all bullshit. 1.00
00:24:04.000 They're all the same. 1.00
00:24:04.000 Australia is the shit. 1.00
00:24:06.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:24:06.000 I mean, it's beautiful. 1.00
00:24:07.000 It's clean.
00:24:08.000 Really nice houses everywhere.
00:24:10.000 The restaurants were great.
00:24:12.000 The people were friendly. 0.88
00:24:14.000 You know, the economy's not completely fucked.
00:24:16.000 You're driving on the left side of the road, which is weird. 0.92
00:24:18.000 But other than that, you get used to that.
00:24:20.000 What's the difference?
00:24:21.000 You know, it's just what you're used to. 0.97
00:24:23.000 But other than that, it's fucking phenomenal. 0.97
00:24:25.000 I mean, other than that, what a great country, man. 0.98
00:24:28.000 I mean, it's amazing.
00:24:29.000 And comics, like my friend Eddie Ift, he's huge over there.
00:24:33.000 Huge.
00:24:34.000 The guy sells out all over the place.
00:24:36.000 Does TV shows.
00:24:37.000 People come to see him.
00:24:38.000 He told me they write about him in the paper when he's at a bar. 0.98
00:24:41.000 But in America, you can't fucking get traction for whatever reason. 0.96
00:24:46.000 Arge Barker. 0.98
00:24:47.000 That was an awesome UFC. Yeah, it was a great UFC. Arge Barker's gigantic in Australia.
00:24:52.000 Fucking monstrous. 0.99
00:24:53.000 He sold out someplace supposedly. 1.00
00:24:55.000 It was like a 1,500 seat place.
00:24:57.000 Sold it out something like 20-something nights in a row.
00:25:00.000 I mean, just craziness. 0.99
00:25:03.000 They love American comedians over there, so the show was fucking fantastic. 0.97
00:25:06.000 I had a great time. 0.97
00:25:07.000 A few people walked out, but that's going to happen, man.
00:25:10.000 If you don't know what you're getting into, you know?
00:25:13.000 I always try to tell people that if...
00:25:15.000 There was a big sign in front of the show that said, warning, this show will contain language and material as extreme as you could possibly imagine. 0.97
00:25:25.000 But apparently, some of the shit I said people couldn't imagine. 0.97
00:25:29.000 So... 0.99
00:25:30.000 They didn't know what to expect.
00:25:34.000 Sorry, you got bombed out. 0.99
00:25:35.000 But 99% of the people had a great fucking time. 0.99
00:25:38.000 But yeah, it was a pretty wild and crazy show. 0.99
00:25:39.000 But also, it was because we were hammered that night too.
00:25:42.000 So two nights in a row we got barbecued.
00:25:44.000 So I was planning on going to Australia and doing all this writing, but alcohol just sticks a fork in all those plans, you know?
00:25:52.000 You said that when you flew to Australia, it was like 17 hours.
00:25:56.000 Was the flight really, did it really feel like 17 hours? 0.98
00:25:58.000 Was it the point where you were just like, fuck this, I need to jump off this plane, this is too much? 0.99
00:26:02.000 No. 1.00
00:26:03.000 No?
00:26:03.000 No.
00:26:03.000 It wasn't that bad?
00:26:04.000 You know, you just, the cats are fighting.
00:26:07.000 You know, you just... 1.00
00:26:09.000 You read, you watch a fucking movie, get on your laptop. 0.99
00:26:12.000 I was going over some material on the way over there. 1.00
00:26:15.000 The real problem was once I got there, I thought I was going to write, but it was all get drunk, recover from the drunk, drink a lot of water, get drunk again, recover.
00:26:25.000 You had like small little bedrooms almost on the plane, right?
00:26:29.000 The plane was dope.
00:26:30.000 We flew first class on Qantas and then some, I think it's called an A310 or something like that. 1.00
00:26:34.000 Giant ass fucking plane. 1.00
00:26:35.000 And they're huge, man. 1.00
00:26:38.000 It's like a little apartment, man.
00:26:40.000 Was Coach like...
00:26:42.000 I don't know.
00:26:43.000 Foutons?
00:26:44.000 There's like futons?
00:26:45.000 No. 1.00
00:26:45.000 Coach is just fucking coach, man. 1.00
00:26:48.000 Business class is pretty dope. 1.00
00:26:49.000 Business class is just as good as first class.
00:26:51.000 Wow.
00:26:52.000 Pretty close to it. 1.00
00:26:52.000 But coach, fuck you, they say. 1.00
00:26:55.000 That sucks. 1.00
00:26:55.000 Yeah, go on. 1.00
00:26:56.000 I'd been like, hey, let me hang out in your bedroom up here, man. 0.99
00:26:59.000 I can't imagine flying 16 hours in one of these ass chairs. 1.00
00:27:03.000 Fuck that. 1.00
00:27:04.000 Jam next to Ralphie Mae on one side and Kevin Smith on the other. 1.00
00:27:09.000 Both after they ran a marathon. 1.00
00:27:11.000 I can't believe that somebody kicked Kevin Smith off a fucking plane. 1.00
00:27:14.000 It's so stupid. 1.00
00:27:14.000 How dumb are you? 1.00
00:27:15.000 It's so stupid. 1.00
00:27:15.000 I guess a lot of people don't know who he is, the way he looks. 1.00
00:27:20.000 They don't know that that's that famous director. 0.99
00:27:23.000 You might want to shut the fuck up. 0.99
00:27:24.000 That guy's on Twitter all day, every day. 0.99
00:27:26.000 He probably ruined Southwest.
00:27:28.000 That cost them money, for sure.
00:27:30.000 Don't you think?
00:27:32.000 Well, part of me thinks so, but then the other part of me is like, they just got so much attention, you know? 0.99
00:27:37.000 Especially if you hate fat people, you'd be like, fuck yeah, I'm going to Southwest all the way. 0.99
00:27:42.000 But they lost the fat dollar. 1.00
00:27:43.000 I bet there's a lot of fat people that got bummed out.
00:27:45.000 How does Ralphie Mayfly?
00:27:47.000 Dude, you know how much money that probably saved him?
00:27:49.000 All these pissed off fat people that aren't flying southwest now just saved them all. 0.98
00:27:53.000 There's already studies that they were thinking, this is ridiculous, they were thinking about making you take a shit before you flew because they found out that if they made everyone go to the bathroom before they got on the airplane that they would save so many dollars per year. 0.99
00:28:05.000 Like this was a real study that they were going to do. 0.98
00:28:08.000 This was Southwest?
00:28:08.000 This wasn't Southwest.
00:28:09.000 This was American Airlines or something like that.
00:28:11.000 Oh my God.
00:28:12.000 So can you imagine now that they have all these fat people pissed off that we're not going to fly Southwest.
00:28:17.000 It's probably, they're probably earning $5 million a year.
00:28:20.000 I wonder how much it costs them more to fly like fuel wise to Australia for a fat guy than for like a small guy.
00:28:27.000 Oh, I'm sure it's big enough times a hundred than you would imagine.
00:28:32.000 Oh my God.
00:28:34.000 Huh.
00:28:35.000 Yeah, that kind of makes sense.
00:28:36.000 Maybe Southwest paid Kevin Smith and this is all just to save them a couple million a year.
00:28:42.000 Kevin Smith would never do that.
00:28:43.000 He's like, the fat people would be pissed.
00:28:44.000 Kevin Smith has integrity.
00:28:46.000 I met him.
00:28:47.000 He was cool.
00:28:47.000 He wouldn't do that.
00:28:48.000 Yeah.
00:28:49.000 He is really cool.
00:28:50.000 He's a very nice guy.
00:28:52.000 Yeah, I met him when I came in to do KROQ once.
00:28:55.000 KRQ in LA. Very fun radio.
00:28:58.000 The last of the terrestrial radio stations in LA. Fucking radio in LA has vanished. 0.99
00:29:06.000 I wanted to do radio for a long time. 0.99
00:29:07.000 I was thinking about doing it.
00:29:09.000 I was thinking, what a cool thing that would be.
00:29:11.000 We have some interesting conversations. 0.99
00:29:13.000 You take callers, talk to people online and shit. 0.99
00:29:16.000 But it just died. 0.98
00:29:18.000 When they had that 97.1 FM talk, I was like, how cool would that be? 1.00
00:29:22.000 Let's get a fucking radio gig. 0.98
00:29:24.000 Well, you were going to do it in Denver before you moved back. 0.99
00:29:27.000 Yeah, I was thinking about doing it in Denver.
00:29:29.000 When you're going back to Denver, people keep on asking me that.
00:29:32.000 Well, this is UFC in March, but I haven't gotten a venue to do stand-up at, so I might just go back and no stand-up, just have fun.
00:29:41.000 Just do the UFC. I want to go back and check out my house and see if I can find a fucking mountain lion that ate my dog. 0.96
00:29:47.000 What if you came there and your dog was sitting on the front porch? 0.99
00:29:50.000 He's been living off the land, and he's this big, butch, lassie-looking dog now.
00:29:55.000 He's a little dog, man. 0.80
00:29:57.000 He got jacked. 0.53
00:29:58.000 Believe me, he was gone for weeks.
00:29:59.000 There's no way. 1.00
00:30:02.000 Your dog does not appreciate black peoples. 1.00
00:30:04.000 Peoples. 1.00
00:30:05.000 Well, if dogs aren't around black people and then all of a sudden they see a black person, they're like, what the fuck? 1.00
00:30:11.000 Why is he that color? 1.00
00:30:12.000 What's going on?
00:30:12.000 Can dogs see color?
00:30:14.000 Maybe they just see darkness.
00:30:15.000 Don't dogs see in black and white?
00:30:18.000 Maybe you think it's a dude with a mask on.
00:30:24.000 Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
00:30:26.000 Let's go to the message board.
00:30:28.000 I'm taking Conan's new look.
00:30:29.000 Conan O'Brien has a new look?
00:30:31.000 Oh, with the beard?
00:30:32.000 You know what?
00:30:33.000 He's got $35 million in the bank now.
00:30:36.000 Just kicking it, you know?
00:30:40.000 Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial.
00:30:44.000 Somebody help me.
00:30:48.000 Conan O'Brien now has a Twitter, by the way.
00:30:50.000 It's Conan O'Brien.
00:30:52.000 I love the whole Conan story. 0.73
00:30:55.000 It just shows you how retarded networks are, you know? 1.00
00:30:58.000 And first of all, they should have never changed shit. 0.99
00:31:00.000 You know, what they should have done, I appreciate the Jimmy Fallon, people enjoy Jimmy Fallon's show, but you know what? 0.99
00:31:06.000 Put that on after Conan O'Brien.
00:31:08.000 Go back to the way you had it. 1.00
00:31:10.000 Don't be stupid. 1.00
00:31:11.000 You want to go Jay Leno Tonight Show while you want to go Middle America and throw softballs and not offend anybody. 1.00
00:31:19.000 And then keep the Conan O'Brien show where it was because when Conan's on, he can do all that craziness, the fucking insult dog, masturbating, but he can do it late at night because... 1.00
00:31:29.000 You're allowed to do more crazy shit late at night. 0.99
00:31:32.000 You know, what's his face? 1.00
00:31:33.000 Remember when we were talking to Norm MacDonald outside the ice house?
00:31:36.000 He had the best point. 0.97
00:31:37.000 Norm MacDonald goes, he goes, what fucking difference does it make what time he's on anyway? 0.98
00:31:41.000 Nobody watches it. 0.99
00:31:42.000 You watch it on your fucking DVR or you see it on YouTube. 1.00
00:31:46.000 Who cares if you're on 11.30 or 12.30? 1.00
00:31:49.000 12.30 is better. 1.00
00:31:50.000 You can get away with more shit. 1.00
00:31:51.000 He was totally right. 1.00
00:31:53.000 I like how he's saying all this, but yet his phone was from 1982. So I was like, you don't have it on TVO. The fact that he had a phone at all.
00:32:00.000 When I ran into him, I ran into Norm MacDonald once when I was doing some Canadian gigs like a couple of years ago.
00:32:06.000 And when I ran into him, he didn't have a cell phone.
00:32:08.000 I had to call his home phone.
00:32:10.000 That's right. 1.00
00:32:10.000 He didn't have a fucking cell phone. 1.00
00:32:12.000 He didn't have one. 1.00
00:32:13.000 He goes, I don't want people to just be able to get in touch with me. 1.00
00:32:16.000 Sometimes I will just run, fuck off, and disappear. 1.00
00:32:19.000 I love that dude. 1.00
00:32:21.000 Yeah, he's hilarious, man. 1.00
00:32:24.000 Norm MacDonald hosting a talk show would be the shit. 0.99
00:32:26.000 I would tune into that talk show because he wouldn't let people get away with anything. 1.00
00:32:32.000 He's nuts. 0.99
00:32:33.000 He's a loose dude. 1.00
00:32:35.000 He's wild.
00:32:35.000 He would be a good couch guy for Conan.
00:32:37.000 Have you ever seen him on the couch with...
00:32:39.000 I forget who it was.
00:32:41.000 The whole time he was cracking jokes.
00:32:42.000 That was awesome.
00:32:44.000 He would be a good side guy.
00:32:47.000 You have a straight guy and he's the side guy.
00:32:51.000 What is my take on the weed stores in LA getting raided? 1.00
00:32:55.000 It fucking sucks. 1.00
00:32:56.000 The whole thing makes me sick. 1.00
00:33:00.000 The whole thing is so...
00:33:02.000 It's so strange, man. 0.98
00:33:05.000 It's so strange that they're still fucking with people.
00:33:08.000 Apparently the way the law is presented though in California, and I'm not sure of this, is that they believe that the way the law is presented is that you can give weed away and you can sell it as long as you're not making a profit and that these collectives are supposed to be to provide Medical patients with marijuana. 0.95
00:33:29.000 But apparently there's people out there that are flaunting the wealth and they're making a fuckload of money off of it.
00:33:35.000 Millions and millions of dollars off selling weed.
00:33:37.000 Now, if that's the case, there's two parts of me.
00:33:41.000 One part of me that says, well, you know what? 1.00
00:33:43.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:33:44.000 They should be able to sell it. 1.00
00:33:45.000 You know, you guys are douchebags. 0.96
00:33:47.000 But another part of me says, hmm, maybe it'd be better. 0.98
00:33:50.000 Maybe it'd be really in the spirit of weed if it was free.
00:33:54.000 Maybe it really would be in the spirit of weed that it isn't...
00:33:57.000 There isn't for profit.
00:33:59.000 You know, people go, well, man, these stores couldn't exist and they couldn't sell it.
00:34:03.000 Yeah, but weed's not that hard to grow, man.
00:34:05.000 People would still grow and sell weed.
00:34:07.000 And, you know, people would sell it illegally.
00:34:09.000 I mean, there would be plenty of people that would, you know, if you want good weed, you got to talk to this guy and it's expensive.
00:34:15.000 But I kind of like the idea of it not being for profit.
00:34:18.000 There's something about it that bugs me, that people are overcharging for this plant just because it's illegal. 0.99
00:34:24.000 I mean, it's fucking... 0.97
00:34:25.000 Some places it's super expensive, you know? 0.99
00:34:28.000 Five, six hundred dollars an ounce for like really powerful potent weed.
00:34:31.000 You know, which I understand the guy should get paid for his growing and this and that.
00:34:35.000 I totally respect that.
00:34:37.000 You should be able to make a certain amount of money for it.
00:34:40.000 But if it was legal, it would be way fucking cheaper than it is right now.
00:34:44.000 The reality is, the reason why it's expensive at all, the reason why these guys can make millions of dollars in profit off of selling weed...
00:34:51.000 It's only because it's illegal and difficult to get and you have to get it from these places.
00:34:55.000 If marijuana was legal and you could grow your own, which is how it should be, you would have no need to buy it. 0.99
00:35:00.000 You could have a little fucking plant in your backyard or in your closet. 0.98
00:35:03.000 It pretty much already is like that, though. 0.99
00:35:05.000 But it's not. 0.99
00:35:05.000 This guy got fucking arrested. 0.99
00:35:07.000 It's not. 0.99
00:35:08.000 This guy just got arrested.
00:35:09.000 This guy just got arrested with 24 different counts.
00:35:12.000 And they're going to charge him.
00:35:14.000 And the way it works apparently is what Obama has said is that they're not going to charge people who are only violating federal law.
00:35:22.000 Because federally it's illegal.
00:35:23.000 They're going to go after people who are going to violate both federal and state laws.
00:35:28.000 So you have to follow the state law to the letter.
00:35:30.000 And they're making an example out of this one dude apparently.
00:35:33.000 Well, I mean, if you go and get a license, you're allowed to grow, what, seven plants or something like that?
00:35:38.000 Yeah, you're allowed to grow a lot.
00:35:39.000 You're allowed to have like a half a pound of weed.
00:35:41.000 Yeah, and you could even get the other license that you can do up to like 21 plants.
00:35:46.000 Yes, I got that.
00:35:47.000 Yeah, you have that for some weird reason.
00:35:50.000 They asked me if I needed an exemption, and I said, what's an exemption for?
00:35:54.000 He goes, well, you know, the regular amount of weed is not enough.
00:35:57.000 I'm like, yes, the regular amount is not enough.
00:35:59.000 I need more.
00:36:00.000 So you could pretty much anyone, anyone can get that. 1.00
00:36:03.000 Even kids could probably get this shit. 0.99
00:36:06.000 But they can get that license. 0.99
00:36:07.000 So if you just grow within your amount, you could pretty much do that now.
00:36:11.000 And even if the cops came over to your house.
00:36:13.000 Right.
00:36:13.000 But it could be people that don't have the room to grow.
00:36:16.000 They don't want to be hassled.
00:36:18.000 And they want to be able to go out and purchase it at a reasonable rate.
00:36:20.000 And I agree.
00:36:21.000 There is a reasonable rate.
00:36:23.000 But right now, the rate is so high that marijuana is worth more than gold.
00:36:27.000 Marijuana is worth more per pound than gold is.
00:36:30.000 That seems a little crazy.
00:36:32.000 You know, I mean, it's definitely inflated because of the fact that there's no competition because of the fact that it's illegal. 1.00
00:36:37.000 And it's a fucking plant! 0.99
00:36:38.000 It should be legal. 1.00
00:36:40.000 Everybody should be able to grow it.
00:36:41.000 If it was legal, there would be nobody making millions and millions of dollars off it. 0.84
00:36:44.000 The real problem is it would fuck the economy up because pharmaceutical companies would just fucking nosedive. 0.98
00:36:51.000 There'd be so many different pharmaceutical products that would be They would be useless. 0.99
00:36:58.000 I believe that to a point.
00:37:00.000 Right now, I have weed whenever I want to have weed, but I still have Tums for my stomach.
00:37:05.000 I still have aspirin for headaches.
00:37:06.000 They didn't replace any of that. 0.99
00:37:08.000 Right, but you don't have fucking glaucoma, dude. 0.96
00:37:11.000 There's a lot of different medications for ADD. Those are the billion dollar medicines. 0.99
00:37:16.000 It's not Tums, bro.
00:37:18.000 It's prescription pharmaceuticals.
00:37:20.000 Most of these people that are saying it's the best drug for glaucoma are just hippies wanting weed to be Because if you look at the medication for glaucoma in comparison, I bet you it's better than weed.
00:37:31.000 No, it's not.
00:37:32.000 You don't think?
00:37:33.000 No, marijuana is the best for interocular pressure.
00:37:36.000 I believe that's what it's called.
00:37:38.000 When glaucoma apparently is very painful for people and marijuana apparently is the best at relieving that.
00:37:44.000 It's the best at restoring people's appetite when they have chemotherapy.
00:37:48.000 That's why cancer patients like it. 0.76
00:37:50.000 It's the best that a lot of different things do.
00:37:53.000 There's people that have had kids that have autism.
00:37:56.000 There's a video that we showed and we played that clip.
00:37:58.000 The kid that had autism and it was the only thing that calmed the kid down and made him normal was weed.
00:38:03.000 It's great for a lot of different things and all those different things are prescription drugs that are worth fucking billions of dollars every year to pharmaceutical companies which is why They lobby against recreational drugs, so-called recreational drugs, which is why, to this day, Partnership for a Drug-Free America, to this day, gets money from pharmaceutical companies. 0.98
00:38:24.000 They got money from alcohol companies and tobacco companies, millions and millions of dollars in the past, and because of that, there was a lot of criticism, so they no longer get money from alcohol and tobacco companies, but they still get money from fucking pharmaceutical companies. 0.97
00:38:35.000 And pharmaceutical companies are responsible for Oxycodone, Vicodin, Percocet, all that shit. 0.73
00:38:41.000 I still don't think it's gonna be like, if they made it legal, all these companies are gonna go out of business. 0.85
00:38:45.000 I know my mom's not gonna be smoking weed. 1.00
00:38:47.000 She's gonna be like, no, I'll take the other thing. 0.99
00:38:49.000 Well, some people would be dumb enough for a few generations. 1.00
00:38:53.000 Yeah, they would be dumb enough for a few generations. 1.00
00:38:54.000 Well, there's just people that weed just doesn't work with. 0.99
00:38:55.000 And that's like 50%, 60%.
00:38:57.000 That's never going to change.
00:38:59.000 For the things that we've talked about, it's not 50 or 60%.
00:39:02.000 Weed is a real effective medicine for a bunch of different things.
00:39:05.000 But more importantly, it would be great for textiles.
00:39:08.000 It would be great for, you can eat it.
00:39:10.000 I mean, it has all the essential fatty acids and the seeds, you know, amino acids. 0.97
00:39:15.000 There's a lot of different fucking things that marijuana is good for besides just... 0.98
00:39:19.000 It's just getting you high. 0.99
00:39:20.000 It's incredible that it's illegal.
00:39:22.000 It's really mind-blowing that it's illegal. 0.98
00:39:25.000 In 2010, with the access to information that we have today, the fact that it's still illegal, that's fucking insane, man. 0.93
00:39:33.000 Is Ustream laggy?
00:39:34.000 Yeah, Ustream's always laggy, man.
00:39:35.000 Anything on the internet's laggy.
00:39:37.000 Nothing works perfect.
00:39:39.000 The internet is in a stage right now.
00:39:41.000 It's not done yet.
00:39:45.000 The IRS plane-crasher guy having a hangar co-leased by a member of Homeland Security and having ties to intelligence agencies.
00:39:55.000 Is that true?
00:39:56.000 Well, I know that he stole that plane, so I don't know.
00:39:59.000 It wasn't his plane, if that's what you're talking about.
00:40:01.000 Oh, really?
00:40:02.000 But, you know what?
00:40:02.000 I'm all for that guy, because...
00:40:05.000 What?
00:40:05.000 You're all for that guy that crashed his building?
00:40:07.000 Did anyone die in that?
00:40:09.000 Yes.
00:40:09.000 Oh, they did.
00:40:10.000 Alright, I'm sorry for this, but I died, but fuck the IRS. I'm still dealing with that bullshit. 1.00
00:40:18.000 Bad Bobby is telling me that gold is $1,100 an ounce in British Columbia and the best weed is $3,200 a pound. 0.99
00:40:30.000 It ain't more than gold.
00:40:32.000 It's going for less than $17,000 a pound here in the US. Oh, I stand corrected.
00:40:37.000 Thank you very much, sir.
00:40:38.000 It sounds better than that.
00:40:39.000 It sounds better.
00:40:40.000 The way I said it.
00:40:41.000 It's worth more than gold.
00:40:42.000 I know what's worth more than gold.
00:40:44.000 Hash.
00:40:45.000 Hash is worth more than gold, isn't it? 1.00
00:40:47.000 Damn, hash is expensive as fuck. 1.00
00:40:49.000 How much does a pound of hash go for? 1.00
00:40:52.000 More than a pound of hash. 0.99
00:40:53.000 A pound of hash will fucking punch a hole through to another dimension. 0.99
00:40:58.000 Can you imagine if we smoked a pound of hash? 0.99
00:41:00.000 Hash they make out of weed somehow or another.
00:41:02.000 It's the resin.
00:41:04.000 How do they do it, though?
00:41:05.000 Do you know how they make it?
00:41:07.000 Some sort of a complicated process.
00:41:09.000 But I've had it before, and it's a strange high.
00:41:13.000 It's very, very strong.
00:41:16.000 I want to do opium again.
00:41:18.000 Opium's awesome.
00:41:18.000 You did opium?
00:41:19.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00
00:41:20.000 It's not much different than hash. 1.00
00:41:22.000 Really?
00:41:22.000 Yeah.
00:41:23.000 But isn't opium like opiates?
00:41:26.000 Isn't that heroin?
00:41:27.000 No.
00:41:28.000 No, it's like...
00:41:29.000 It looks like a piece of soap.
00:41:31.000 It smokes like hash, and it smells like a hippie, like patrulli. 0.95
00:41:38.000 It smells like patrulli when it burns.
00:41:40.000 Really?
00:41:41.000 Yeah.
00:41:41.000 It's kind of like, I don't know, like a hash kind of feeling.
00:41:47.000 Hmm.
00:41:48.000 I don't know.
00:41:49.000 I'm scared, man.
00:41:52.000 Yeah, the gold thing, I didn't really research that very well.
00:41:56.000 It was something else.
00:41:57.000 Sorry if I said that incorrectly.
00:41:59.000 There's something else that marijuana was more expensive than per ounce.
00:42:04.000 Maybe it was oil.
00:42:06.000 Does that make sense?
00:42:08.000 Worth more than oil?
00:42:09.000 Worth more than something that's worth a lot.
00:42:13.000 Whatever.
00:42:14.000 Let's go with some other questions here. 0.99
00:42:18.000 Damn it, the Ustream. 0.99
00:42:19.000 Powerful Ustream. 1.00
00:42:20.000 Opium smells like flowers and is super addictive from the poppy. 1.00
00:42:24.000 There, faggot. 1.00
00:42:25.000 Why are you doing something super addictive? 1.00
00:42:27.000 Brian's already addicted to cigarettes, though.
00:42:28.000 Oh, okay.
00:42:28.000 It's not addictive.
00:42:29.000 Brian's cat had a hangnail, and that got him to start smoking again.
00:42:33.000 No, it wasn't.
00:42:34.000 I got audited by the IRS. But before that, it was your cat got a hangnail.
00:42:38.000 No. 0.99
00:42:38.000 It was my cat had a fucked up foot. 0.99
00:42:41.000 Cat had a fucked up foot. 1.00
00:42:47.000 Dude, cigarettes are the worst because cigarettes out of nowhere, you'll be like, dude, I need a cigarette. 1.00
00:42:52.000 I need a cigarette.
00:42:53.000 It's one of those things, once you do it, it opens up a door that's always going to be open.
00:42:58.000 And it's weird.
00:42:59.000 Look at this guy.
00:43:00.000 Did you know you can activate your pineal by saying the word love at a certain frequency? 1.00
00:43:06.000 Shut up. 1.00
00:43:07.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:43:08.000 Like the new Mariah Carey song has a high enough pitch to open up your garage doors. 1.00
00:43:13.000 No it doesn't Shut the fuck up People love to say stupid shit People love fucking magic They love magic and nonsense. 1.00
00:43:24.000 They love to think that there is something like that. 1.00
00:43:27.000 There's real magic.
00:43:29.000 Eat a pound of mushrooms.
00:43:31.000 You want to see something magic? 1.00
00:43:33.000 Instead of having a 16 ounce steak, have 16 ounces of mushrooms, motherfucker. 1.00
00:43:39.000 That's magic. 1.00
00:43:41.000 You'll magically be retarded for the rest of your life. 1.00
00:43:44.000 You'll probably be communicating with aliens permanently.
00:43:46.000 you'll probably be locked into another dimension.
00:43:49.000 You know?
00:43:50.000 Tell Jerry Garcia smoking opium wasn't addicted.
00:43:58.000 He moved to smoking black tar heroin after that. 0.94
00:44:02.000 Well, it's for sure, Dick.
00:44:03.000 They used to have opium dens back in the Wild West, don't you remember?
00:44:06.000 Sure, but I never once did opium the next day thought about, oh my god, I need it!
00:44:10.000 You know, it was never like that.
00:44:12.000 Cocaine was kind of like that, but for me.
00:44:14.000 But opium never was like that.
00:44:16.000 That was more of like a treat, like a dessert.
00:44:18.000 Well, you know, that's a good argument because this argument was on the message board as well.
00:44:23.000 People were talking about things being addictive and the problem with even alcohol being addictive is that it's not addictive to everybody.
00:44:29.000 You know, I'm not addicted to alcohol.
00:44:31.000 I could not have a drink every day for the rest of my life and I'd have no problem with that.
00:44:35.000 But I like to have a drink sometimes and go on stage.
00:44:38.000 I like to have a drink sometimes with my buddies just to make things fun.
00:44:41.000 You get crazy.
00:44:42.000 You pay for it the next day, though.
00:44:44.000 Especially our age.
00:44:45.000 Yeah, man.
00:44:46.000 You get older, you pay for it more.
00:44:48.000 But the bottom line is it's not addictive.
00:44:50.000 I don't hurt when I don't have it, but for some people it is.
00:44:53.000 Some people have to have a drink.
00:44:55.000 When I was doing construction when I was a kid, there was a dude who had a Mountain Dew bottle. 0.98
00:45:00.000 And he would fill it up with fucking beer, like cheap beer, like Colt 45, and he would drink beer all day while we worked. 0.98
00:45:07.000 All day. 0.99
00:45:08.000 This guy was, he was a shaky, jonesing dude.
00:45:11.000 He would show up for work, though. 0.99
00:45:12.000 He was there every fucking day, 7 in the morning, swinging that hammer. 1.00
00:45:15.000 You know, he was there, pissing every five minutes. 1.00
00:45:18.000 Guy was always hammered, though.
00:45:20.000 He was drinking beer all day.
00:45:21.000 For that dude, though, I think it's like everybody's got their own biochemical makeup.
00:45:25.000 It's like you're addicted to cigarettes.
00:45:27.000 But like Tom Segura, Tom Segura smokes cigarettes when he drinks, but doesn't smoke other times.
00:45:32.000 And he can go years without cigarettes with no problem.
00:45:34.000 But when he drinks, he likes to have a cigarette.
00:45:37.000 When was the last time he went a year with no problem, though?
00:45:39.000 Well, he said he's taken a long time off.
00:45:41.000 He's taken time off a bunch of times.
00:45:42.000 And he won't smoke for months.
00:45:44.000 And then he'll have a cigarette.
00:45:46.000 He'll have a cigarette when he drinks.
00:45:47.000 I definitely think cigarettes is like that one thing that even if you quit smoking, it can be three years later and out of nowhere you'll start smoking again.
00:45:55.000 No reason why.
00:45:56.000 No, you've said that and so has Ari.
00:45:57.000 So I think, you know, I think they're doing something.
00:46:00.000 Remember that movie The Insider with Russell Crowe?
00:46:02.000 You see that movie? 0.99
00:46:03.000 It's all about like all the shit that they do to cigarettes to make it even more addictive. 0.99
00:46:07.000 Like hundreds of different additives. 0.99
00:46:09.000 Hundreds of different additives just to make it more addictive.
00:46:13.000 And I totally believe that's true.
00:46:15.000 Totally, 100% believe that's true. 0.98
00:46:17.000 And if that's the case, man, I mean, who the fuck knows? 0.91
00:46:20.000 I mean, they say that cigarettes are more... 0.97
00:46:22.000 It's not as dangerous as heroin, because heroin will kill you quicker and you can overdose from it, but cigarettes will get you hooked quicker than anything.
00:46:29.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:46:29.000 Like, apparently, if you have that thing inside you that gets you hooked to shit, like most people do. 0.99
00:46:33.000 But I don't, but I... 0.99
00:46:35.000 Cigarettes are totally different.
00:46:37.000 You do with cocaine too, you said.
00:46:43.000 You were allegedly...
00:46:44.000 Allegedly selling it.
00:46:46.000 Not really selling it.
00:46:46.000 Not really selling it.
00:46:47.000 This is just for fiction.
00:46:48.000 This is like a character that would buy a large amount so he could give it away and have some extra for free.
00:46:54.000 It was Peter Pan of...
00:46:56.000 No, not Peter Pan.
00:46:57.000 Robin Hood of cocaine.
00:46:58.000 It was like one month of my life back in 95. In this fictional story.
00:47:02.000 In this fictional story.
00:47:04.000 But anyways...
00:47:05.000 But if you were rich, okay, what if you were like...
00:47:07.000 If I was rich and I was getting all the time?
00:47:09.000 What if you were like Jay-Z, Baller, you know, Private Jet Rich, and you could just get pure cocaine shipped right over here from the CIA. The CIA would drop it off on your doorstep.
00:47:18.000 Well, I think I like...
00:47:19.000 Mr. Reichel, package of cocaine?
00:47:20.000 I think the only reason it was kind of addictive to me because I am one of those people that never go to the doctors and I probably need to be one of those people that are on speed or something...
00:47:29.000 I like having a thyroid condition.
00:47:32.000 Most of my day is spent moping around, no energy, and stuff like that.
00:47:37.000 But with cocaine, I felt like I was alive for the first time.
00:47:42.000 I think that's what was addictive.
00:47:44.000 I felt like I was out of some kind of coma.
00:47:47.000 Sometimes I'm having a normal day.
00:47:49.000 I'm not really into anything. 0.92
00:47:51.000 I'll have a cup of coffee and I just get fucking fired up. 0.81
00:47:54.000 I feel great. 0.97
00:47:55.000 I feel good about life. 0.99
00:47:56.000 It fucking feels like the warm sun feels better. 0.98
00:47:58.000 I want to clean my office. 0.99
00:47:59.000 You get a little fired up from stimulants.
00:48:02.000 That's what they're there for.
00:48:04.000 I don't know what cocaine is like but I know that I've had problems with coffee.
00:48:08.000 You would never stop talking.
00:48:10.000 You talked about this.
00:48:11.000 I told you I did that tea once.
00:48:12.000 You would be talking so fast your jaw would fly off and hit somebody in the face.
00:48:16.000 I have this thing called mate de coca and it's a tea that's made out of...
00:48:22.000 I guess I'm talking to myself from now on.
00:48:24.000 I'm talking to you.
00:48:26.000 Mate de coco is a tea that's made out of coca leaves.
00:48:30.000 So it's like cocaine, the plant that they make cocaine from.
00:48:33.000 But it's the unprocessed form, which is, it's actually like indigenous people chew that. 1.00
00:48:39.000 I think it's in Peru, they said.
00:48:40.000 It's like really common.
00:48:42.000 Isn't it Peru?
00:48:43.000 He doesn't know he's outside, smoking cigarettes.
00:48:45.000 Talking to myself.
00:48:46.000 Um, they, uh, they chew this leaf, and it's, um, for, especially people that, uh, are at high altitude, like, uh, high altitude, uh, herding communities, they, they eat this, uh, they chew this tea, this tea leaf, but I had it in a tea form, and when I had it, it was not good for me. 0.98
00:49:02.000 I couldn't shut the fuck up. 0.95
00:49:04.000 Me and Doug Stanhope were doing, uh, shrooms. 0.98
00:49:06.000 It was the day the Iraq war started, and we were in the middle of the desert at my friend Jan's house.
00:49:12.000 And it's pretty crazy because we're shrooming.
00:49:14.000 And right when the shrooms were kicking in, we noticed on the television set that they were saying that the war coverage begins at 5. And Stan Hope looked at me and he goes, there's a fucking kickoff for the war. 0.97
00:49:27.000 I mean, that's really what it was like. 0.98
00:49:29.000 They were telling us when the war coverage was going to start.
00:49:31.000 Tune in at 5 for war coverage!
00:49:33.000 It was like a kickoff.
00:49:35.000 It was like that's when the program, the war program was going to start.
00:49:38.000 And that's when this guy, Jan, my friend Jan, who's like, he's done more psychedelics than anyone I've ever met ever.
00:49:45.000 He's definitely probably fried his brain.
00:49:47.000 He's got a cool podcast though.
00:49:48.000 But he was talking about, hey, take this mate de coco.
00:49:53.000 It'll help the mushrooms kick in quicker. 0.99
00:49:56.000 Maybe it did, but I could not shut the fuck up. 0.99
00:50:00.000 And I was telling Doug while I was doing it, I was like, I can't shut the fuck up. 0.99
00:50:03.000 This is driving me crazy. 0.98
00:50:04.000 And he was laughing uncontrollably because he thought it was hilarious that I was talking about how I couldn't shut the fuck up, yet aware of it and still talking. 0.96
00:50:12.000 It's the worst, but you know what? 0.97
00:50:14.000 That's one of those drugs that, thank God you never tried, because you would freak out and love it.
00:50:18.000 Because it makes your mind open up and just think so...
00:50:23.000 Clear.
00:50:24.000 Wow.
00:50:24.000 Because you're just non-stop thinking of new stuff to talk about.
00:50:28.000 I think for me, that's how it works.
00:50:29.000 My friend Jimmy said that when we were kids.
00:50:31.000 We had the cousin that had the problem with it.
00:50:34.000 He told me not to do it.
00:50:35.000 He told me, you smell so bad, dude. 0.97
00:50:37.000 That is so nasty. 1.00
00:50:39.000 Cigarettes are so fucking gross. 1.00
00:50:40.000 They are nasty. 1.00
00:50:41.000 But you kept on talking about them.
00:50:42.000 And Daddy needed a taste.
00:50:43.000 Oh, Daddy needed a taste.
00:50:45.000 You can't go two hours without...
00:50:46.000 He had a cigarette right when we started, too, by the way.
00:50:49.000 I had the other half. 1.00
00:50:49.000 Oh, shut your fucking hole. 1.00
00:50:51.000 You had your fix. 1.00
00:50:53.000 Goddamn it. 1.00
00:50:54.000 Had your goddamn fix. 1.00
00:50:56.000 Anyway, cigarettes are bad, okay? 1.00
00:50:59.000 Good.
00:51:00.000 Very bad, okay?
00:51:02.000 You know what though?
00:51:02.000 What's interesting in California, I don't know if this is in all states, that they have changed cigarettes to go out by themselves now.
00:51:10.000 So if you don't hit it long enough, it will just go out because of the fires out here.
00:51:15.000 Really?
00:51:15.000 So cigarette companies had to make something in the cigarette so if you don't hit it after a while, it will go out by itself.
00:51:22.000 And it just makes me, what is that?
00:51:24.000 Yeah.
00:51:24.000 That can't be good.
00:51:26.000 In doing something like that, man, they've...
00:51:29.000 Probably made it extra addictive along the way. 0.93
00:51:32.000 Oh, it's just, well, we can do that, but unfortunately it causes psychotic episodes that make you fucking mortgage your house for extra cigarettes. 0.60
00:51:40.000 You might start hoarding cigarettes.
00:51:41.000 You know, if they could figure out a way...
00:51:43.000 To put something in cigarettes that would make you completely insane and have this insane desire to collect cigarettes.
00:51:50.000 Could you imagine if that started happening? 0.78
00:51:52.000 You know how a lot of black dudes collect sneakers?
00:51:54.000 You go into their house, I got MTV Raps or MTV Cribs rather.
00:51:58.000 You go and they have a whole room filled with sneakers.
00:52:01.000 They're hiding their junk from somebody. 0.98
00:52:02.000 Their junk was touched or it's too big and they think they have a horse cock so they want you to look at their shoes. 1.00
00:52:07.000 What the fuck is he talking about? 1.00
00:52:08.000 He's like the chicks. 1.00
00:52:11.000 No.
00:52:12.000 They're just, for whatever reason, they're into collecting shoes.
00:52:14.000 What if people just started collecting cigarettes?
00:52:17.000 Like hoarding cigarettes.
00:52:19.000 Like roomfuls of cigarettes.
00:52:20.000 And cigarette companies were like, well, you know, we make a fantastic product.
00:52:24.000 We can't help it if people get excited about it.
00:52:26.000 They're just excited about our product.
00:52:27.000 And we found out that they had added something to cigarettes that make people want to hoard cigarettes.
00:52:32.000 They would totally do it. 0.99
00:52:33.000 If some fucking scientist came up with a formula where he could have a certain amount of chemicals... 0.99
00:52:39.000 And if you put those in cigarettes, and the people who smoke the cigarettes, they would have this insatiable desire to collect cigarettes and buy way more than they need. 0.99
00:52:46.000 You don't think they would put that in the cigarettes?
00:52:48.000 Of course they would. 1.00
00:52:49.000 Fuck yeah, they would do it. 1.00
00:52:50.000 They don't give a fuck about you. 1.00
00:52:51.000 They sell shit that kills you. 1.00
00:52:53.000 They shit... 1.00
00:52:54.000 They don't... 1.00
00:52:54.000 It's not like they didn't know. 1.00
00:52:56.000 We didn't know cigarettes kill you. 1.00
00:52:57.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:52:57.000 We're gonna stop. 1.00
00:52:58.000 We're sorry.
00:52:58.000 No.
00:52:59.000 Cigarettes kill 400 fucking million people every year, and no cigarette companies have even thought about slowing down. 0.98
00:53:05.000 And no politicians have ever thought about banning them. 0.99
00:53:08.000 You never hear a peep out of politicians. 1.00
00:53:10.000 All those faggots want to talk about fucking banning pot and, you know, we've got to stop marijuana and illegal drugs. 1.00
00:53:17.000 Meanwhile, cigarettes are killing way more people than everything else combined. 1.00
00:53:22.000 Cancer, AIDS, Fucking heroin, meth, coke, all that shit. 1.00
00:53:28.000 Pull it all together with alcohol. 1.00
00:53:30.000 It can't put a fucking dent, not a scratch, into what cigarettes kill every year. 0.99
00:53:36.000 If they could figure out a way to make you want to hoard cigarettes, for sure they would do it. 0.99
00:53:41.000 And the people hoarding it, they would give testimonials.
00:53:43.000 I don't have a problem with it.
00:53:45.000 I enjoy my cigarette collection.
00:53:47.000 When I go out into the garage and I look at all my...
00:53:49.000 I like the smell.
00:53:50.000 I get out there.
00:53:51.000 It's not like I'm smoking more.
00:53:53.000 I smoke the same amount.
00:53:54.000 People kind of do that with cigars.
00:53:54.000 Three packs a day.
00:53:55.000 People kind of do that with cigars.
00:53:56.000 You're right.
00:53:56.000 They do do that with cigars.
00:53:57.000 But cigars are totally different. 1.00
00:53:58.000 They like to savor the taste and shit. 1.00
00:54:01.000 That shit makes no sense to me. 1.00
00:54:02.000 No, different cigars have different flavors, too. 1.00
00:54:04.000 They taste different. 1.00
00:54:05.000 Yeah, but they all taste like shit to me. 1.00
00:54:07.000 It all tastes like you're sucking on a fucking... 1.00
00:54:09.000 I don't know... 1.00
00:54:10.000 A tree or something.
00:54:12.000 I like them.
00:54:12.000 I like cigars.
00:54:13.000 I think they taste good.
00:54:15.000 Really?
00:54:15.000 Yeah.
00:54:15.000 When you have a fat steak and a glass of wine, you get a nice Cuban cigar with a fucking good taste to it.
00:54:21.000 You know, it's just like you take it in and you get a good taste in your mouth. 0.99
00:54:24.000 It's fun.
00:54:25.000 Gives you a buzz. 0.99
00:54:26.000 Crazy fucking negative buzz. 0.99
00:54:26.000 It's weird that you don't like splits then. 0.99
00:54:29.000 I don't like spliffs because you don't inhale cigars.
00:54:31.000 You don't have to inhale.
00:54:32.000 You put it in your mouth.
00:54:33.000 Yeah, you do.
00:54:33.000 If you're going to get high?
00:54:34.000 No, the science between getting high is that once it hits your mouth, it's immediately in your stream.
00:54:39.000 Is that true?
00:54:39.000 Yeah, they did a study where it showed people that used to think you're supposed to inhale it and hold it in as long as you can.
00:54:46.000 I guess suppose that you get 99% of the THC immediately when you suck it.
00:54:51.000 Twitter-verse, is this true? 0.99
00:54:53.000 Because if this is true, I will stop smoking weed from now on, and I'll just put it in my mouth.
00:54:57.000 I'll just put it in my mouth, take a deep breath, and then blow it out.
00:55:00.000 I always thought the people who were doing that were like Bill Clinton.
00:55:02.000 I always thought that.
00:55:04.000 Bill Clinton did not inhale, but it's because he was crafty.
00:55:07.000 He didn't know that he didn't have to inhale.
00:55:09.000 He knows the science.
00:55:09.000 He knows the science.
00:55:10.000 Whoa, is that real science?
00:55:11.000 It is science.
00:55:13.000 Is that real science, Twitter-verse? 1.00
00:55:16.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:55:17.000 Is that true? 1.00
00:55:18.000 People are Googling right now.
00:55:20.000 I love Google.
00:55:21.000 We're going to Google right now.
00:55:22.000 You do not have to inhale marijuana to get high.
00:55:27.000 I have to inhale marijuana to get high.
00:55:35.000 Yeah, I always thought you had to hold it in for the long thing too.
00:55:39.000 Wiki answers.
00:55:40.000 What if you do not inhale marijuana?
00:55:44.000 Answer.
00:55:45.000 No, it has to go in your lungs to get you high, meaning you have to inhale to get high. 1.00
00:55:49.000 Well, I'm not going to listen to this stupid fuck because this stupid fuck spelled high two different times and then wrote HAVE in capital letters. 1.00
00:55:57.000 Not very scientific, faggot. 1.00
00:55:59.000 Next try. 1.00
00:56:00.000 Here's your try.
00:56:01.000 Do you have to inhale when smoking weed?
00:56:03.000 Yahoo answers.
00:56:05.000 Uh, don't do it, best answer chosen by Asker. 1.00
00:56:09.000 You fucking dummy. 1.00
00:56:11.000 This is what the girl says. 1.00
00:56:12.000 Uh, don't do it, but if you must know, you have to keep the smoke in your lungs longer than you normally would a cigarette.
00:56:20.000 So you inhale it and then keep it in there for as long as you can, then exhale.
00:56:24.000 That's not true.
00:56:25.000 That's not true. 1.00
00:56:26.000 This dumb cunt too. 1.00
00:56:27.000 Uh, don't do it. 1.00
00:56:28.000 Why, Alyssa? 0.84
00:56:29.000 Because you don't want to have fun?
00:56:31.000 Why should he not smoke the pot?
00:56:33.000 Because he doesn't want to be friendly?
00:56:34.000 Because he doesn't want to be more sensitive?
00:56:36.000 Because he doesn't want to tune into the universe more? 1.00
00:56:39.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
00:56:41.000 Don't do it. 1.00
00:56:44.000 You can't tell me not to smoke pot, because I'm a goddamn comedian, and that's like telling a basketball player to not play with basketballs. 1.00
00:56:55.000 I can't find the answer to this shit. 1.00
00:56:57.000 Yeah, I forget where I read it. 1.00
00:56:58.000 I read it somewhere.
00:56:59.000 You read it the same place I read that gold is the same amount as weed.
00:57:03.000 I know. 0.97
00:57:04.000 No, because I was on your side where that's bullshit, and my girlfriend who's going to school for nursing, she's like, that's totally untrue. 0.97
00:57:11.000 And then she showed me all these studies, and I'm like, oh, okay. 0.97
00:57:14.000 It was a...
00:57:16.000 If she's watching, text me.
00:57:22.000 You need to fully inhale it to get high.
00:57:25.000 Take a big breath in. 1.00
00:57:26.000 See, these are people like fucking 18. You have to inhale weed in your lungs to get high. 1.00
00:57:31.000 It won't do anything.
00:57:32.000 Weed does not cause cancer.
00:57:34.000 Okay, this guy's got a cancer article. 1.00
00:57:36.000 We're not talking about cancer, you fuck! 1.00
00:57:41.000 Alright, we have no correct answer, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00
00:57:43.000 We tried.
00:57:44.000 We cannot find the answer to this.
00:57:46.000 Yahoo answers are all written by 16 year olds or 40 year old retards, one or the other. 1.00
00:57:53.000 This guy says he knows everything about cannabis.
00:57:56.000 More in 7 seconds.
00:57:57.000 Alright, these guys.
00:57:57.000 Yahoo answers.
00:57:58.000 Yeah, we looked at those Yahoo answers, man. 0.88
00:58:00.000 That doesn't mean shit. 1.00
00:58:02.000 It's something about your mouth. 1.00
00:58:04.000 It's filled with whatever the...
00:58:08.000 Makes sense. 1.00
00:58:09.000 Because you don't inhale tobacco smoke when you smoke a cigar and you get high as fuck. 0.99
00:58:15.000 You get really high from cigars. 0.99
00:58:17.000 Cigars give you a serious nicotine rush.
00:58:20.000 Like, woo! 0.93
00:58:21.000 Like a good one.
00:58:22.000 And if that happens, why wouldn't that happen with marijuana too?
00:58:26.000 You don't inhale the cigar smoke.
00:58:28.000 You take it in your mouth and then you blow it out.
00:58:30.000 You don't take a deep...
00:58:31.000 Head of it like you do with cigarettes.
00:58:35.000 Yeah, that's a tough Google search.
00:58:38.000 I'll have to just actually find that.
00:58:40.000 Yeah, we don't know.
00:58:41.000 We don't know, ladies and gentlemen.
00:58:42.000 It was a recent article, though.
00:58:43.000 It was about six months ago I read it.
00:58:45.000 Some people, weed is not for them.
00:58:47.000 That really is true.
00:58:48.000 You know, like, Stanhope doesn't like weed.
00:58:51.000 Stanhope hates weed, which doesn't make any sense, because he likes everything else.
00:58:54.000 But I think he probably got too high and he got paranoid.
00:58:56.000 He got too high once, yeah. 0.99
00:58:58.000 If you get too high, weed will fucking rock your world, man. 1.00
00:59:01.000 Shit makes you really... 1.00
00:59:03.000 The last UFC I was at, I was tripping my ass off. 1.00
00:59:06.000 I almost had to run out.
00:59:07.000 I was thinking, like, okay, I am just going to leave and go to my room and take a nap.
00:59:11.000 Because I was tripping too hard.
00:59:13.000 From weed.
00:59:14.000 Wow, this is just...
00:59:15.000 Rivalry says, opium trivia.
00:59:17.000 The term, are you hip, comes from opium dens.
00:59:21.000 You would lay on your side, on your hip, and smoke.
00:59:24.000 Hence the term, are you hip?
00:59:25.000 That kind of makes sense, because if you ever watch those old West movies where dudes are doing heroin, or opium, they are lying on their side.
00:59:32.000 Like, what was that movie where...
00:59:34.000 Wyatt Earp?
00:59:35.000 Was it Wyatt Earp?
00:59:37.000 One of those movies.
00:59:38.000 Buffalo Bill or Wyatt Earp.
00:59:39.000 I think it was... 0.99
00:59:41.000 I don't remember who the fuck played him. 0.99
00:59:43.000 Well, remember, um... 0.99
00:59:45.000 What was the movie where Doc Holliday? 0.98
00:59:48.000 The one where fucking... 0.99
00:59:50.000 Dennis Quaid played, um... 1.00
00:59:53.000 Dennis Quaid played Wyatt Earp and Val Kilmer played Doc Holliday.
00:59:59.000 He was the dopest Doc Holliday ever.
01:00:01.000 Before Val Kilmer just ate everything that existed. 1.00
01:00:06.000 Val Kilmer's all fat and fucked up now. 0.99
01:00:08.000 He was like, go back to Top Gun days. 1.00
01:00:11.000 Jack and Ripper?
01:00:11.000 Tombstone.
01:00:11.000 Tombstone, that's it.
01:00:12.000 You go back to Val Kilmer in the old days, Val Kilmer was a handsome motherfucker. 0.99
01:00:18.000 You know? 0.99
01:00:18.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:00:19.000 And then you start hanging out with Tom Sizemore.
01:00:20.000 You know this whole weed thing? 0.97
01:00:22.000 We could just fucking... 0.98
01:00:23.000 Next time we're sober, we'll just try it. 0.98
01:00:25.000 Yeah.
01:00:26.000 Ooh, okay, look at this.
01:00:27.000 It says, Red Band is right.
01:00:29.000 Arrowhead.
01:00:29.000 Here we go.
01:00:30.000 Robberies comes clean.
01:00:32.000 Oh, yeah.
01:00:32.000 Here we go.
01:00:34.000 You do not...
01:00:35.000 Read it to us.
01:00:36.000 Okay, here it is.
01:00:37.000 Mouth-smoking cannabis.
01:00:39.000 One of the primary health issues with cannabis is the effect of smoke on the lungs, while the risks from long-term cannabis smoking are not fully understood.
01:00:45.000 It is assumed by...
01:00:47.000 Before I do this, I will take this copy Mouth smoking is not as efficient as lung smoking and requires approximately three times the material for the same level of effect, but for some people, efficiency is not an issue.
01:01:03.000 I would say it's not an issue, you know, because weed's not that expensive.
01:01:07.000 We were talking about how it's worth a lot of money, but it's not that much.
01:01:12.000 I mean, one marijuana joint is like, what is it, like $10 or something like that, probably?
01:01:18.000 How much is a joint?
01:01:19.000 A joint, $10.
01:01:20.000 Right, $10.
01:01:21.000 But that's a California weed. 1.00
01:01:22.000 A joint will, for sure, fuck you out of your mind. 0.99
01:01:26.000 Half the joint. 0.99
01:01:27.000 Even if you smoke a lot, if you actually inhaled a full joint, you would be blitzkrieg.
01:01:33.000 California weed.
01:01:34.000 California weed. 0.99
01:01:35.000 So if you take California weed and you mouthfuck it, you could probably... 0.99
01:01:41.000 Get by on like two hits of California weed from a joint and you're gone. 0.98
01:01:46.000 And one of the things that you can do also is if you inhale it and you breathe it out your nose.
01:01:51.000 So you put it in your mouth and then you blow it out your nose.
01:01:54.000 But you're not inhaling it if it even increases it. 0.98
01:01:58.000 Alright, well let's post this up online just so everybody knows what the fuck we're reading. 0.91
01:02:03.000 Yeah, but I used to... 0.72
01:02:04.000 I remember...
01:02:06.000 There was somebody I used to know that would smoke.
01:02:08.000 She would only smoke with me, but she would say, I'm not going to inhale it, but I'll smoke it with you if it makes you feel better.
01:02:13.000 I'm like, ha ha ha, okay. 0.99
01:02:15.000 So, she would always get fucked up, and I'm like, wow, she's not stoned, but why is she acting so fucked up? 1.00
01:02:22.000 So I look back at it now, and she was fucked up. 1.00
01:02:24.000 Okay. 1.00
01:02:28.000 I just put that shit up online. 0.99
01:02:32.000 So you can Twitter that. 1.00
01:02:33.000 And have a...
01:02:34.000 So now we learned something, ladies and gentlemen.
01:02:36.000 Thanks, Rivalries. 0.95
01:02:37.000 Thanks, Rivalries. 1.00
01:02:39.000 Rivalries, you know a lot of drugs, motherfucker. 1.00
01:02:41.000 This is the dude, he runs the whole thing. 1.00
01:02:44.000 He owns a pool hall somewhere in Georgia.
01:02:50.000 I forget where it's from.
01:02:53.000 Make them Georgia, I believe. 0.99
01:02:54.000 But it's a pretty famous pool hall.
01:02:56.000 This guy owns it.
01:02:57.000 Why does he have the douche squad there? 0.98
01:02:59.000 I don't know.
01:02:59.000 There's a bunch of dudes with the douche squad.
01:03:00.000 You know, some members of my board break off into little separate sects.
01:03:04.000 Like little gangs.
01:03:05.000 Little gangs.
01:03:06.000 I don't know what they're doing.
01:03:07.000 If you've never been to my message board, I got the craziest message board. 0.99
01:03:10.000 I don't know how the fuck it happened. 0.97
01:03:12.000 I don't know what caused it. 0.97
01:03:14.000 But I've had this nutty message board since like 1998. And right now there is more than two and a half million posts on it.
01:03:25.000 I'll put it up online.
01:03:26.000 I started smoking when I was 15, Ray.
01:03:37.000 And anyway, this message board. 1.00
01:03:41.000 There's so much fucking nutty shit on that board. 1.00
01:03:44.000 That's how I met Brian. 1.00
01:03:45.000 I met Brian from the message board.
01:03:47.000 It's really got a life of its own.
01:03:48.000 I mean, it's got my name attached to it, and I pay for it to keep it running.
01:03:53.000 But there's like a bunch of different dudes who are cool people that I've met in real life.
01:03:59.000 Most of them that are the moderators on the board. 0.80
01:04:03.000 And, you know, it's anything fucked up in the world. 0.83
01:04:06.000 Anything weird, crazy, any nutty news... 0.90
01:04:09.000 If you're looking for a video, like I heard this is a crazy video out, my board is going to have it.
01:04:13.000 For sure, right?
01:04:15.000 It's a crazy place. 0.95
01:04:18.000 It's pretty nutty, ladies and gentlemen. 1.00
01:04:20.000 And on that note, it's fucking 536. That's two hours, two and a half hours. 0.99
01:04:25.000 We can't do more than two hours, folks.
01:04:26.000 It gets boring.
01:04:27.000 But, we are at the Addison, Texas Improv this weekend, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. 0.99
01:04:34.000 And I'm going to take a link right here, motherfucker. 0.98
01:04:38.000 And I'm going to open this bitch and I'm going to put that on Twitter so everybody knows what's up. 1.00
01:04:42.000 Almost sold out. 0.97
01:04:43.000 Yeah, it is very close to sold out.
01:04:45.000 Like all the shows.
01:04:46.000 What about Houston?
01:04:48.000 A lot of Houston people wondering if you're coming back to Houston.
01:04:50.000 Yeah, I'm coming back.
01:04:50.000 We're right now trying to figure out whether we're doing the improv or whether we're doing the House of Blues.
01:04:55.000 There was a problem with the House of Blues initially where they said the House of Blues could not seat everybody.
01:05:00.000 And I did not want to do a show where people have to stand. 0.94
01:05:03.000 And we talked about this before, that we went to the Doug Stanhope show when he was in LA, and I love Doug, but I fucking can't stand and just watch a show for an hour and a half.
01:05:12.000 It just hurts your feet, your back starts hurting, your neck gets cramped up, and then I realized, like, this is uncomfortable. 0.98
01:05:17.000 Like, sitting and watching a show is awesome, but standing and watching a show sucks.
01:05:21.000 It gets annoying.
01:05:22.000 I'm not a big fan of the House of Blues. 1.00
01:05:24.000 I just went through to see a concert last week, and I had a horrible experience with those fuckers. 1.00
01:05:29.000 With, um... 1.00
01:05:29.000 House of Blues. 1.00
01:05:30.000 Which one, though?
01:05:31.000 The one on Sunset.
01:05:32.000 What happened?
01:05:34.000 When you go through, they stamp your hands, they put wristbands on, they check your IDs, they scan the tickets, right?
01:05:40.000 So we went there and it was general admission.
01:05:43.000 We found a place that we wanted to sit and lean up against the wall.
01:05:47.000 It was perfect for the concert.
01:05:49.000 Halfway through the opening act or whatever, opening band, security grabs my girlfriend coming out of the bathroom and goes, where's your hand stamped? 1.00
01:05:57.000 She goes, I don't know.
01:05:59.000 Maybe it washed off?
01:06:00.000 I have a wristband.
01:06:01.000 Here's my ticket.
01:06:03.000 He goes, no, your hand's not stamped.
01:06:04.000 You're out of here.
01:06:05.000 And she's like, what?
01:06:06.000 I have my ticket right here.
01:06:07.000 And he goes, I don't care.
01:06:08.000 You're supposed to have a hand stamp.
01:06:09.000 She goes, my boyfriend's right there.
01:06:10.000 And he goes, go get him.
01:06:12.000 And he's kicked out, too.
01:06:13.000 And it was like, what are you... 0.97
01:06:15.000 Okay, but that's just L.A. douchebags. 1.00
01:06:18.000 No, no, but then the manager got involved.
01:06:19.000 Right, but that has nothing to do with Houston, Texas.
01:06:22.000 Or even House of Blues as a company.
01:06:24.000 Yeah, it is House of Blues as a company. 0.99
01:06:25.000 No, it's just dickheads. 0.98
01:06:26.000 He's like, sorry, corporate policy. 0.99
01:06:27.000 You're supposed to get hand stamped.
01:06:28.000 I'm like, it doesn't matter.
01:06:30.000 I'm in here.
01:06:30.000 I have tickets.
01:06:31.000 What the fuck? 0.99
01:06:32.000 And the manager goes, I'm sorry, but let's go downstairs. 1.00
01:06:34.000 Let's get your hand stamped. 0.99
01:06:35.000 Let's figure this out together.
01:06:37.000 I'm like, the concert's on right now. 1.00
01:06:39.000 God damn. 1.00
01:06:39.000 It was just like the biggest, like, fucking corporate bullshit. 1.00
01:06:42.000 You know, that shit wouldn't happen at fucking Improv. 1.00
01:06:44.000 You don't think so? 1.00
01:06:45.000 No.
01:06:45.000 You don't have your hand stamped, but you have a ticket?
01:06:47.000 Come on.
01:06:48.000 So you think that that, so what happened then you think would not happen? 0.98
01:06:52.000 So you think that if we have a show at the House of Blues, people might get fucked? 0.90
01:06:55.000 My problem with the House of Blues, it's a corporate thing. 0.94
01:06:58.000 The whole not being able to bring cameras. 0.98
01:06:59.000 Did I have a great fucking time at all the House of Blues? 0.97
01:07:01.000 Yeah, well you have any time when you're in front of a good crowd of people, right? 0.98
01:07:04.000 Yeah, but that's one of the few venues where you guarantee that everything's going to run smoothly.
01:07:08.000 They get rid of douchebags in the audience. 0.99
01:07:10.000 You're not allowed to record your own set. 0.67
01:07:12.000 That is true.
01:07:13.000 Fans aren't allowed to bring cameras into the place, or they have to leave them at the box office. 0.98
01:07:18.000 Well, the problem with that is these motherfuckers want to stick cameras in your face while you're on stage and constantly record things and put them on YouTube. 0.97
01:07:25.000 They're going to do that regardless, though. 0.99
01:07:26.000 Very distracting.
01:07:27.000 They're going to do that regardless, though.
01:07:28.000 But it is annoying for them and for the bands and for different people who feel like they don't want their stuff pirated.
01:07:33.000 They're just protecting the artist.
01:07:35.000 That makes sense to me.
01:07:36.000 I agree, but it's...
01:07:37.000 I don't know.
01:07:38.000 You had a bad experience, but I think you had isolated douchebags. 0.99
01:07:41.000 I mean, people that run the House of Blues in Vegas are fucking awesome. 0.95
01:07:46.000 Those people are super cool. 0.65
01:07:47.000 That's the one we go to the most.
01:07:49.000 House of Blues in San Diego...
01:07:50.000 But we also know it has a performance side, not a customer side.
01:07:54.000 That's true.
01:07:54.000 I've never heard any complaints though.
01:07:56.000 If you guys have had complaints about the House of Blues, let a nigga know. 1.00
01:08:00.000 I need to hear that shit. 1.00
01:08:03.000 Maybe. 1.00
01:08:04.000 Dan Aykroyd's House of Blues in Connecticut at the Mohegan Sun.
01:08:08.000 Deal fell through.
01:08:10.000 Gigantic fail.
01:08:11.000 Why did I read that?
01:08:13.000 I don't know. 1.00
01:08:14.000 You fucking motherfucker. 1.00
01:08:17.000 House of Blues charges a buttload. 1.00
01:08:19.000 That is true.
01:08:19.000 They have a lot of built-in costs.
01:08:22.000 It costs...
01:08:22.000 I get paid the same amount to do a 300-seat room in Vegas as I do to do the House of Blues, which is like 900 seats, which is pretty crazy.
01:08:31.000 Yeah, that's kind of fucked up. 0.99
01:08:32.000 Yeah, that's kind of fucked up. 0.99
01:08:33.000 It's because they have all these built-in... 0.99
01:08:34.000 They have built-in costs connected to it.
01:08:37.000 They have built-in pockets. 1.00
01:08:39.000 Oh shit, built in pockets. 1.00
01:08:41.000 Yeah and their prices, that's another thing, the prices were ridiculous. 1.00
01:08:44.000 Like a Bud Light was six bucks or something like that.
01:08:47.000 Is it really?
01:08:48.000 Yeah.
01:08:48.000 What is it in most bars?
01:08:50.000 Bud Light?
01:08:51.000 Usually, I mean outside of Los Angeles, usually it's like three bucks, two bucks for a Bud Light.
01:08:56.000 Outside of Los Angeles?
01:08:57.000 Yeah, in Los Angeles under five dollars at least.
01:09:01.000 Easily. 0.99
01:09:02.000 Okay, well someone just fucking bitch slapped rivalries. 1.00
01:09:05.000 BBJ Jones says that shit we said about hip, the opium dens. 1.00
01:09:09.000 He says the actual is... 1.00
01:09:15.000 The answer of are you hip being opium dens lying on... 0.64
01:09:20.000 He says it's not true. 0.99
01:09:22.000 It says too ingenious, too convoluted, and too silly.
01:09:25.000 It's wiki44.
01:09:27.000 That's wiki.
01:09:28.000 This is just opinion.
01:09:29.000 Who cares about it?
01:09:29.000 There's often a great deal of uncertainty in tracking word origins since we have written word record to go on.
01:09:35.000 Phrase may have been in common use long before anybody wrote it down.
01:09:38.000 After all, one doesn't use slang phrases in most writing.
01:09:41.000 Such as newspapers, certain columnists accepted.
01:09:43.000 They should use slang in everything.
01:09:45.000 That's how we talk.
01:09:47.000 Why would we pretend to not talk the way we talk?
01:09:49.000 I always thought that writing professionally, when I write in my blogs, I write exactly the way I talk.
01:09:54.000 I wrote an open letter to Kellogg's, which more or less I did as a writing exercise.
01:09:58.000 I was writing every day for a month, the month my Spike TV special was being recorded, so I wrote my material out every day. 0.99
01:10:08.000 I wrote new blogs every day and I just needed shit to write about. 0.92
01:10:12.000 And one of them was this Kellogg's banning Michael Phelps because he smoked weed. 0.97
01:10:16.000 And because I wrote this open letter and I wrote it the way I talk with swears and just the way I normally talk. 0.95
01:10:20.000 People are like, yeah, they're going to read that open letter. 1.00
01:10:22.000 I didn't want them to read it, stupid. 1.00
01:10:24.000 I'm just writing. 1.00
01:10:26.000 You can read it or you don't read it.
01:10:27.000 But I'm not going to write something.
01:10:28.000 You have more impact.
01:10:30.000 They're going to listen. 1.00
01:10:31.000 They're going to listen to a fucking pothead comedian slash cage fighting commentator. 1.00
01:10:36.000 Kellogg's is going to make their Their decision is based on that. 1.00
01:10:39.000 No, it's for you guys.
01:10:40.000 It's for humor.
01:10:41.000 It's for entertainment.
01:10:44.000 Does the word hip really hail from a West African language?
01:10:49.000 It could be either or, though.
01:10:51.000 I mean, it could be that the original hip that Rivalry has talked about is right. 0.75
01:10:58.000 I mean, if there's no real...
01:11:01.000 If the origins of it are murky, it could be both.
01:11:05.000 It's not saying anything to discredit that. 0.99
01:11:09.000 Anyway, who gives a fuck? 0.99
01:11:11.000 Red Band is totally right about the cigars. 0.99
01:11:13.000 Oh, is he really?
01:11:15.000 He's totally right.
01:11:17.000 I am totally right.
01:11:18.000 No. 0.99
01:11:18.000 No, it's a fucking taste thing. 0.99
01:11:20.000 I think cigarettes are disgusting, and you're sucking on them every day. 1.00
01:11:22.000 You wouldn't think they're disgusting if you smoked them for a week. 0.99
01:11:25.000 Yeah, you're totally right about that, too.
01:11:28.000 You're right.
01:11:28.000 If I was a junkie, I wouldn't think they're disgusting.
01:11:32.000 This guy had a shitty experience at the Anaheim House of Blues. 0.92
01:11:35.000 Same deal as Red Band except they had to make me re-stamp my hand and I lost my stool.
01:11:41.000 Exactly!
01:11:41.000 That's what happened to me.
01:11:42.000 I lost my stool and I almost got in a fight with a bunch of Persians. 1.00
01:11:46.000 And the guy felt bad, his friend felt bad, and he kept on buying me bad tequila all night, and next thing I know, I was like six shots. 0.96
01:11:52.000 Don't be racist, bro.
01:11:53.000 What?
01:11:54.000 Oh, wait, isn't that what they're called?
01:11:55.000 They're Persians, man. 1.00
01:11:55.000 They're called Persians. 1.00
01:11:56.000 They're Iranians.
01:11:57.000 Yeah, but they don't want to be called Iranians.
01:11:59.000 They want to be called Persians. 0.99
01:12:00.000 Are you sure?
01:12:00.000 Yeah.
01:12:00.000 Are you sure?
01:12:00.000 They don't want to be confused with Irania here.
01:12:06.000 Talk about the fights at 110. It was fucking awesome! 0.96
01:12:10.000 Cain Velasquez, that guy's a legend. 0.99
01:12:13.000 He's going to go down in history.
01:12:15.000 It's like one of the greatest ever, I think. 1.00
01:12:17.000 That was just some stellar shit. 0.98
01:12:20.000 Cain Velasquez is going to be... 0.99
01:12:21.000 Him against Brock Lesnar is going to be insane.
01:12:24.000 I want to see him against Fedor, really.
01:12:26.000 I would love to see Cain Velasquez against Fedor.
01:12:28.000 I think every time Cain fights, he gets better. 0.98
01:12:31.000 You know, the heavyweight division is a motherfucker right now. 0.95
01:12:33.000 Shane Carwin versus Frank Mir and Brock Lesnar is going to fight the winner. 0.99
01:12:37.000 And, you know, who knows what the fuck is ever going to happen to Fedor. 0.99
01:12:40.000 If Fedor ever gets to the UFC, the fucking universe might collapse. 0.99
01:12:43.000 It might be insane. 0.99
01:12:44.000 Alright, ladies and gentlemen.
01:12:45.000 We've had a long-ass show.
01:12:47.000 It's 544. So that means, even with our downtime, we did like an hour and 20 minutes at least.
01:12:52.000 Maybe an hour and a half.
01:12:54.000 Love ya.
01:12:55.000 Thanks for tuning in.
01:12:57.000 Addison, Texas, this weekend.
01:12:59.000 Next week...
01:13:00.000 Where are we next week?
01:13:03.000 Oh, Canada.
01:13:04.000 I'm in Canada next week. 1.00
01:13:06.000 Shazam, bitches. 1.00
01:13:07.000 I'm in Toronto. 0.99
01:13:09.000 I'm in a couple other places. 0.99
01:13:10.000 I don't know where the fuck I am. 1.00
01:13:12.000 But we'll talk about that shit next week. 0.99
01:13:13.000 Thank you very much for tuning in. 1.00
01:13:15.000 I love you, bitches. 1.00
01:13:16.000 And that's it. 1.00
01:13:19.000 Alright, I gotta find out how to end this.
01:13:21.000 It would have been cooler if I figured out a way to say thank you.
01:13:23.000 I love you. 0.99
01:13:23.000 Shut up. 0.99