The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #94 - Joey Diaz (Part 3)

00:00:00.000 You don't want to be here.

00:00:01.000 You want to be in the mountains in Montana.

00:00:03.000 Yeah, now you're talking to me.

00:00:05.000 Not even Colorado anymore. 1.00

00:00:06.000 There's too many fucking momos in Colorado. 1.00

00:00:08.000 The fucking money came in, the fake fucking money, and bought the hillbillies out. 1.00

00:00:12.000 The real motherfuckers that you needed in case shit went down. 1.00

00:00:15.000 You gotta go to like Woody Creek to find those people, right? 1.00

00:00:18.000 No, Woody Creek, that's still fucking amateurs too. 0.94

00:00:21.000 Really? 1.00

00:00:21.000 A bunch of fucking boozers up there. 1.00

00:00:23.000 Really? 1.00

00:00:24.000 You gotta go deep, deep in the mountains of Gunnison and shit like that. 0.98

00:00:29.000 Gunnison? 0.98

00:00:29.000 Gunnison. 0.98

00:00:30.000 Brian, you got your volume on.

00:00:31.000 We're echoing.

00:00:33.000 Gunnison.

00:00:34.000 Gunnison.

00:00:35.000 Where's that?

00:00:35.000 That's down south.

00:00:36.000 What do you think about all that shit about the Denver Airport? 0.99

00:00:39.000 Do you know anything about the conspiracy behind the Denver Airport? 0.99

00:00:41.000 Where is it now?

00:00:42.000 The Denver Airport, first of all, they moved way more dirt than they needed to.

00:00:46.000 Right.

00:00:46.000 And so there's all this thought that there's some sort of subterranean tunnel system.

00:00:49.000 It's all based on the end of the world.

00:00:51.000 Oh, like shelters. 1.00

00:00:53.000 They fucked up. 0.99

00:00:54.000 Stapleton Airport was a brilliant airport. 1.00

00:00:56.000 It was like Burbank. 1.00

00:00:57.000 You could smuggle a fucking dead fucking kilo of coke in there. 1.00

00:01:00.000 Nobody said nothing. 1.00

00:01:01.000 And all of a sudden they came up with a bright idea. 0.99

00:01:04.000 Let's fucking make an airport 90 miles farther out by Kansas. 0.99

00:01:07.000 So when it snows, we really get fucking buried. 0.99

00:01:10.000 We have no protection. 0.99

00:01:12.000 That's a bunch of cowboys, bro, making decisions. 1.00

00:01:14.000 And trust me, they're too stupid to even know what a conspiracy theory is. 1.00

00:01:18.000 They have a great airport. 0.99

00:01:19.000 The people that built it, maybe, but if the government was really truly behind it, like all these people think, what it is is that they made an airport there, but in constructing the airport, they also built some sort of underground safeguard threshold. 0.99

00:01:32.000 So there's got to be some kinky shit. 1.00

00:01:34.000 Well, you know, if it's close, I mean, that would be a move, right? 0.99

00:01:37.000 Build an airport and then build some shelters. 0.99

00:01:39.000 I mean, that airport is by fucking Kansas. 0.99

00:01:41.000 When you go out to that airport, there ain't dick out there. 0.99

00:01:44.000 That's what they call it, the airport in Kansas. 0.95

00:01:45.000 It was easy, man.

00:01:46.000 When I lived in Denver, or in Boulder, rather, it was easy to drive there.

00:01:49.000 How far was the drive? 0.99

00:01:50.000 Fucking hour. 1.00

00:01:51.000 Nothing. 1.00

00:01:51.000 Never any traffic. 1.00

00:01:52.000 It used to be 25 minutes.

00:01:53.000 Here's the deal, though, bro.

00:01:54.000 There's no traffic out there.

00:01:55.000 It don't matter.

00:01:56.000 It used to be 25 minutes with no traffic, no drama. 0.99

00:01:58.000 Put on some fucking tunes, crack the window a little bit. 1.00

00:02:01.000 They built this monster to spend money. 1.00

00:02:03.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:02:03.000 They built this monster to just, you know, like when I went to fucking Newark to see the fights with you. 0.99

00:02:09.000 They redid Newark. 0.98

00:02:10.000 They built a soccer stadium.

00:02:12.000 Right. 1.00

00:02:12.000 Fucking soccer stadium in Newark. 1.00

00:02:14.000 They're spending money left and right, but they still can't put in a left-hand turning signal. 1.00

00:02:19.000 So if you gotta make a left, 29 fucking miles of people gotta make a left with you. 0.88

00:02:23.000 Well, they're trying to keep up their reputation as the carjack capital of the world. 0.97

00:02:26.000 And if you got, like, some left turn signals, you got some outliers.

00:02:29.000 People can escape.

00:02:31.000 Can escape the drama. 0.99

00:02:33.000 Fucking amazing. 0.98

00:02:33.000 But that's the thing about that. 0.98

00:02:35.000 It's like, you know, they think that there's something really going on inside that Denver airport.

00:02:38.000 There's all these documentaries dedicated to it.

00:02:41.000 And one of the reasons for it is because...

00:02:44.000 There's these crazy murals that are painted up in the Denver airport.

00:02:48.000 And they're really disturbing, man.

00:02:50.000 They're apocalyptic. 0.99

00:02:51.000 Like, one guy's got a fucking gas mask on with a giant sword. 0.99

00:02:55.000 And there's, like, pictures of children in coffins. 0.99

00:02:58.000 And there's fire in the background. 1.00

00:02:59.000 Have you ever seen that shit? 0.99

00:03:00.000 Yeah, but we've actually talked about it on this podcast before. 1.00

00:03:03.000 We did?

00:03:03.000 Yeah.

00:03:03.000 But do you think that has anything to do with that?

00:03:07.000 I don't think that it does, definitely.

00:03:10.000 But it's interesting.

00:03:12.000 You know, I mean, I don't have opinion one way or another. 0.86

00:03:14.000 I've listened to the people talk about how it's just some great escape base and that 2012 there's gonna be, you know, fucking asteroids gonna hit, they're tracking, it's gonna kill everybody except the people that are in this underground bunker. 0.98

00:03:26.000 I don't know, man. 0.98

00:03:27.000 I watched a TV show on those dudes, those dudes that have, they've bought like fucking condos out in these shelters, out in like Death Valley and shit. 0.96

00:03:36.000 Have you seen those? 0.98

00:03:37.000 People have space in Death Valley, and so they have a condo inside this underground bunker thing. 0.98

00:03:42.000 It's out in the middle of fucking nowhere.

00:03:44.000 You have to drive, and you go out there, and they had these shows. 0.99

00:03:48.000 I forget who was the host of the show, but they took you on a tour of these fucking... 0.98

00:03:51.000 It might have been Jesse Ventura. 0.98

00:03:53.000 No, it wasn't him, because they had a sense of humor.

00:03:55.000 But whoever it was was like, really? 0.99

00:03:57.000 And they take you on this fucking tour of these underground bunkers that they have set up where they can survive a fucking nuclear bomb. 0.99

00:04:04.000 I mean, these guys are like... 1.00

00:04:06.000 A half a mile deep into the fucking earth. 1.00

00:04:07.000 So you survived the bomb. 1.00

00:04:09.000 Now it's you and eight fucking momos looking at each other. 1.00

00:04:11.000 Eight assholes. 1.00

00:04:12.000 Looking at each other. 1.00

00:04:12.000 Listen, just live your fucking life. 1.00

00:04:14.000 These people that dig into that shit, just live your fucking life. 1.00

00:04:18.000 If we get hit by a bomb, the best thing you can do is move on to the fucking next life and pray to God it'll be fucking better. 1.00

00:04:23.000 You understand me? 1.00

00:04:23.000 I hear that Doors music. 1.00

00:04:25.000 Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with people? 0.99

00:04:27.000 I'm gonna live in a bunker. 0.99

00:04:28.000 Can you imagine living your life consumed with what happens when the bomb drops? 1.00

00:04:32.000 After 1960, those people, that shit wore off. 1.00

00:04:35.000 In the 60s, they all moved into buildings with underground drops, with little fucking sandwiches. 1.00

00:04:40.000 That's how Tang was fucking invented. 0.99

00:04:41.000 What do you think they invented Tang for? 1.00

00:04:43.000 So when we go in that fucking tunnel of doom and after the Russians fuck everybody in the ass, we come out and we got vitamin C from the fucking Tang. 1.00

00:04:50.000 That's what Tang was invented for. 1.00

00:04:52.000 But guess what?

00:04:53.000 Our fears aren't the Russians anymore. 0.99

00:04:55.000 It's a lot bigger than that. 0.94

00:04:56.000 And whatever's going to hit now, right now there's a thing going on in Japan where we don't fucking know. 0.95

00:05:00.000 They're lying to the people just like everything else. 0.95

00:05:02.000 They're lying at 20 mile radius. 1.00

00:05:04.000 That shit's horrible. 1.00

00:05:05.000 That shit is horrible. 1.00

00:05:06.000 Radiation is fucking horrible. 1.00

00:05:08.000 And the best is all these people are raising their hands now. 0.99

00:05:10.000 We have radiation in Key West. 1.00

00:05:12.000 Don't blame it on fucking Japan. 1.00

00:05:13.000 Don't blame it on Japan now. 1.00

00:05:15.000 That's not Japan's fault.

00:05:16.000 You guys have had radiation on your own. 1.00

00:05:17.000 You greasy motherfuckers down there off the coast of Florida. 1.00

00:05:20.000 You filthy cocksuckers. 1.00

00:05:22.000 Now you want to blame on the poor fucking Japs walking around with fucking masks and eggs. 1.00

00:05:26.000 There's radiation in Florida that's primarily from coked up whores jerking guys off and creating heat in the air. 1.00

00:05:32.000 That fucking sperm that they put in the fucking beach during CSI Miami. 1.00

00:05:36.000 They see all these chicks, Brazilians, jumping up and down with that ass. 1.00

00:05:39.000 That's what that fucking is. 1.00

00:05:40.000 Pussy. 1.00

00:05:41.000 Fucking nasty radiation. 1.00

00:05:42.000 There's something extra dirty about porn that you get from Miami. 1.00

00:05:45.000 You ever watch porn from Miami? 1.00

00:05:47.000 Because it's almost like they're like retarded people fucking. 1.00

00:05:49.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:05:50.000 And they're always oiled up too.

00:05:52.000 Yeah, oiled up.

00:05:53.000 And there's something about it like you can't relate. 0.99

00:05:55.000 It's hard to even jerk off to. 0.99

00:05:56.000 We're in trouble, Joe Rogan. 0.99

00:05:57.000 Never mind the Martians and what's going on. 0.99

00:05:59.000 We're in fucking trouble. 1.00

00:06:00.000 We're in trouble. 1.00

00:06:01.000 This thing in Japan is a lot worse than what they're saying. 0.96

00:06:03.000 You think so? 1.00

00:06:03.000 Fuck yeah. 1.00

00:06:04.000 What makes you say this? 1.00

00:06:05.000 Just know our society, and they don't want to scare us. 1.00

00:06:08.000 Wait until those fucking Japanese start coming out with six fucking eyes, and you don't know which one's looking at you. 1.00

00:06:12.000 Then they're going to say, what the fuck? 1.00

00:06:13.000 Is that better so you can see better? 1.00

00:06:15.000 The fuck? 1.00

00:06:15.000 Yeah, that would be better. 1.00

00:06:16.000 Maybe that's 2012. That'll be our next mutation.

00:06:19.000 This is not good.

00:06:19.000 An adaptation to radiation.

00:06:21.000 This is not fucking good. 0.99

00:06:22.000 Are there any animals besides roaches that are really good with radiation? 0.99

00:06:25.000 Roaches are supposed to be the best at it, right? 0.71

00:06:27.000 Yeah.

00:06:27.000 They can pretty much live through everything.

00:06:28.000 But is that even just like a joke?

00:06:31.000 A wives' tale?

00:06:32.000 Yeah.

00:06:32.000 I don't know.

00:06:32.000 Someone should do us a favor.

00:06:34.000 Now we know that Japan is fucked. 1.00

00:06:35.000 Send a box of cockroaches over there with a webcam on it. 1.00

00:06:38.000 Let's see what's up.

00:06:39.000 I'm telling you, man. 1.00

00:06:40.000 If you love America, go over there and do that, stupid. 1.00

00:06:42.000 All that fucking water, all that soil. 1.00

00:06:44.000 And they don't know what the fuck's going on. 1.00

00:06:46.000 And you know what? 0.99

00:06:46.000 Now, besides that, we're all spread out. 0.99

00:06:49.000 We're in Libya. 1.00

00:06:49.000 We're in this fucking place. 1.00

00:06:50.000 place. 1.00

00:06:51.000 Yeah, what the fuck are we doing in Libya, man? 1.00

00:06:52.000 Are you fucking crazy? 1.00

00:06:54.000 Are you fucking crazy? 1.00

00:06:54.000 These guys are just sitting there waiting. 1.00

00:06:56.000 It's like you're just waiting for us to wear out before you fuck us in the air. 1.00

00:07:00.000 Yeah, why in Libya? 1.00

00:07:01.000 What's that guy we've been looking for for 11 years?

00:07:03.000 Yeah, he's just sitting there going, oh, we got him now. 1.00

00:07:05.000 Just spread out like motherfuckers. 1.00

00:07:07.000 We'll just light a firecracker in Kansas. 1.00

00:07:10.000 CNN breaking news.

00:07:12.000 I get CNN breaking news sent to my phone?

00:07:14.000 Holla.

00:07:15.000 U.S. intelligence source CIA is operating inside Libya to help U.S. increase military and political understanding.

00:07:24.000 What? 1.00

00:07:25.000 That means somebody's about to get jacked, bitch! 1.00

00:07:28.000 What kind of horse shit quote is that? 1.00

00:07:32.000 Oh, the CIA is there to increase military and political understanding. 0.99

00:07:38.000 No, this is what we want you to do.

00:07:40.000 Do you understand?

00:07:41.000 Okay, here's the political understanding. 1.00

00:07:42.000 We got the bombs, bitch, okay? 1.00

00:07:44.000 We got fucking robots that we can operate from Nevada, okay? 1.00

00:07:48.000 And you don't even see them because they blend in with the sky and they don't make any noise because they're fucking solar powered and they contain Hellfire missiles. 1.00

00:07:57.000 Hellfire! 0.94

00:07:57.000 That's what they decided to name them. 0.94

00:07:59.000 Not, you know, the beautiful flower missile or, you know, lick my asshole missile. 1.00

00:08:04.000 No. 1.00

00:08:04.000 Hellfire. 1.00

00:08:05.000 Hellfire missiles and they're shooting them from another fucking part of the world. 1.00

00:08:09.000 Imagine the lag they have. 1.00

00:08:10.000 They must have to really plan a shot in advance. 0.97

00:08:13.000 It's just like playing Quake online when you've got lag if you have a 56k connection and there's some asshole you're playing against who's got a cable modem. 0.72

00:08:19.000 No, he gets to move quicker than you because his downtime, his ping time between connecting to the server and back is much quicker. 1.00

00:08:25.000 So you're fucked. 1.00

00:08:26.000 So these guys must have super lag. 1.00

00:08:28.000 Listen dog, in 1985 we went to see Rambo too and that motherfucker took an arrow out on an explosive at the end. 0.99

00:08:34.000 And when he shot it, all of us lost our mind. 1.00

00:08:36.000 Nobody liked the black people. 1.00

00:08:38.000 Black people love arrows with explosives at the end. 1.00

00:08:40.000 I've seen that movie on 178th Street. 1.00

00:08:42.000 I've never seen black people go fucking crazy in my life. 1.00

00:08:45.000 When Rambo came out of the mud and his eyes opened up and choked the motherfuckers, black people went bananas. 1.00

00:08:50.000 They're like yelling, we should have thought of that. 1.00

00:08:52.000 What is it about black dudes that love watching martial arts? 0.97

00:08:56.000 Love it.

00:08:56.000 They love anything special.

00:08:58.000 Like a dude doing some crazy shit like... 1.00

00:09:01.000 Oh, that motherfucker got a gun in his shoe. 1.00

00:09:03.000 Check that shit out. 1.00

00:09:04.000 There's something about a dude pulls his shoe off and guns down the bad guy. 1.00

00:09:07.000 You're like, oh shit, no he didn't. 0.99

00:09:09.000 What is that? 1.00

00:09:11.000 They're just very vocal.

00:09:13.000 They're excited.

00:09:15.000 The best thing about this is that was 20 years ago. 1.00

00:09:18.000 The shit we got now as bombs and stuff is off the charts. 1.00

00:09:23.000 We got a bomb that comes at you as a car that follows you to the gas station, bro. 1.00

00:09:28.000 And while you're pumping gas, it turns into a bomb.

00:09:30.000 A guy pops out and taps you on the shoulder and says goodbye. 1.00

00:09:33.000 That's the shit we got. 1.00

00:09:35.000 We got shit that comes to your house dressed up like a cake. 1.00

00:09:37.000 Happy birthday. 1.00

00:09:38.000 And when you go to blow out the candles, it just fucking blows up. 1.00

00:09:41.000 We got some shit now. 0.99

00:09:42.000 You know what I saw that was really crazy? 0.99

00:09:43.000 They got this rover, this remote-controlled drone rover that's moving around that can jump in the air. 0.98

00:09:51.000 It gets up to a fence, and I think it can go like eight or nine feet in the fucking air. 0.98

00:09:55.000 Wow. 0.99

00:09:55.000 And it moves up to the fence, and then it just goes... 0.99

00:09:58.000 Doink! 0.92

00:09:58.000 And flies through the air and lands on the other side. 0.92

00:10:00.000 And it looks like, it basically looks like some sort of a flat box, you know, where all the electronics is, with like two tractor, two rubber tractor things on the side of it, I guess. 0.99

00:10:10.000 And the fucking thing flies through the air. 0.99

00:10:12.000 I mean, what? 1.00

00:10:14.000 What's next?

00:10:15.000 You know, that's the other thing that people are thinking about. 0.99

00:10:18.000 A lot of the shit that's going down in Afghanistan, a lot of the shit that's going down in the Middle East period, is that the CIA has got all kinds of shit going on. 0.99

00:10:25.000 All kinds of little drones and explosives blowing up in convenient spots to spark anger. 0.99

00:10:32.000 That's what they do.

00:10:33.000 They cause...

00:10:34.000 That's what they do.

00:10:34.000 ...and spark war and get, you know...

00:10:36.000 They've always done that.

00:10:37.000 And the bottom line of this, what do you think is really going on?

00:10:39.000 They figured out... 1.00

00:10:40.000 Some Libyan doctor figured out a way how to grow 50 kilos of heroin in your bathtub, and the United States finds out, and they're jacking that motherfucker. 0.99

00:10:49.000 Gaddafi's got an army of motherfuckers around this guy with missiles and explosives, but the United States is jacking this guy. 0.99

00:10:54.000 It's got something to do with HIV. It's got something to do with fucking why we're over there in the fucking first place. 1.00

00:10:59.000 The whole nucleus of this thing. 1.00

00:11:01.000 People are dying in Detroit from heroin.

00:11:03.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:11:03.000 From this fucking war. 1.00

00:11:05.000 And we're still, now we're gonna take over Libya. 1.00

00:11:06.000 Boxes of money.

00:11:08.000 Isn't it amazing how many people think you're crazy when you start talking about the fact they're in Afghanistan for heroin? 0.95

00:11:14.000 People go, what are you talking about? 1.00

00:11:17.000 They'll look at you like you just fucking ate a bowl of shit. 1.00

00:11:21.000 They'll look at you like, oh, you're a ridiculous person. 1.00

00:11:24.000 Yeah, we're at war for heroin. 1.00

00:11:26.000 Where do you think that money's going, man?

00:11:28.000 Where's that money going?

00:11:30.000 You know how much money we're talking about?

00:11:32.000 They're going to ignore that? 1.00

00:11:33.000 You're fucking crazy! 1.00

00:11:34.000 We want to take over a country so we can eat better gyros. 1.00

00:11:36.000 That's what you're telling me?

00:11:37.000 Gyros. 1.00

00:11:38.000 Go fuck yourself. 1.00

00:11:39.000 We're taking over a country so we can take over that fucking loot, dog. 1.00

00:11:42.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:11:42.000 That's the bottom line, man. 1.00

00:11:43.000 That's the bottom line.

00:11:44.000 There's all sorts of loot over there.

00:11:46.000 And there's all sorts of loot in Libya, too. 0.99

00:11:48.000 I mean, is it a fucking coincidence that for whatever reason we decide to attack Libya instead of going to Mexico and straighten out that bullshit that's right next door? 0.99

00:11:58.000 But all Mexico's got is burritos. 1.00

00:12:00.000 Burritos and hookers and donkeys and tequila. 1.00

00:12:03.000 There's not a lot of shit to offer. 1.00

00:12:04.000 Mexico's getting ready, though. 1.00

00:12:06.000 Mexico's got some crazy motherfuckers down there. 1.00

00:12:08.000 Well, they gotta clean up their problem. 1.00

00:12:10.000 They got a big problem, and it's because of the United States.

00:12:12.000 It's a big part of it.

00:12:13.000 They wanted to make everything legal.

00:12:15.000 You know, they did.

00:12:16.000 Do you know that?

00:12:17.000 Here's a little-known fact.

00:12:19.000 Mexico has decriminalized everything.

00:12:21.000 Small amounts when you're not selling it, everything's legal now.

00:12:24.000 You could get acid in Mexico.

00:12:25.000 You can get mushrooms in Mexico. 1.00

00:12:27.000 They decriminalized everything just because they had to allocate resources to fight these fucking drug lords. 1.00

00:12:32.000 I mean, that's a gone country. 1.00

00:12:34.000 That country's gone.

00:12:35.000 That country doesn't have a government anymore.

00:12:36.000 And it's right next door.

00:12:37.000 Right next door. 1.00

00:12:39.000 The fucking drug army is, it's like going to war with someone who lives in your country. 1.00

00:12:43.000 It's like if we were fighting Al-Qaeda, but Al-Qaeda had billions of dollars and was way more armed, and they were living here. 1.00

00:12:50.000 That's what it's like. 1.00

00:12:51.000 That's what it's like being a fucking cop in Mexico. 1.00

00:12:53.000 And here's the crazy thing. 1.00

00:12:54.000 Mexico's coming back to get what's theirs, bitch. 1.00

00:12:57.000 California and Texas. 1.00

00:12:58.000 It's like getting ready to rock, though.

00:13:00.000 You can't take Texas.

00:13:01.000 It's not going to happen.

00:13:01.000 You can't take Texas.

00:13:02.000 You can't take Texas. 0.54

00:13:03.000 Even the Mexicans will. 1.00

00:13:03.000 They'll go around Texas and Jack, Wyoming. 1.00

00:13:05.000 Jack, Dallas, Arcana and shit. 1.00

00:13:08.000 Don't give them a beat. 1.00

00:13:09.000 Nah, you can't. 1.00

00:13:10.000 The outskirts of Texas, they'll come out of their hunting blinds and kill you. 0.98

00:13:14.000 You don't have a chance. 0.98

00:13:16.000 He already lives there.

00:13:17.000 Ted Nugent lives in Waco now. 1.00

00:13:18.000 Yeah, you can't fuck with Texas. 1.00

00:13:19.000 Fuck yeah, he does. 1.00

00:13:20.000 He's got a high fence. 1.00

00:13:22.000 I've always admired... 0.87

00:13:23.000 I think he's a retard, but I think he does a lot of things that I really agree with. 1.00

00:13:27.000 And one of the things that I agree with is when he lived in Michigan, he had this badass compound. 0.98

00:13:31.000 We had 2,000 acres or something like that, and it was all fenced in.

00:13:34.000 And he had all these animals living inside his compound, and he would just go and jack them.

00:13:39.000 And that's where he got all his food from.

00:13:40.000 He got all his food from hunting on his own property. 0.99

00:13:43.000 And I'm like, God damn it, that's fucking brilliant. 0.99

00:13:45.000 That's how I want to live. 0.99

00:13:46.000 I would love to live like that.

00:13:47.000 Just eat what you hunt.

00:13:48.000 Yeah.

00:13:49.000 That's one of the reasons why I was into moving to Colorado.

00:13:52.000 One of the reasons why I was up there. 0.99

00:13:53.000 I was like, look, if the shit hits the fan, you're living in the woods. 0.99

00:13:55.000 You know, there's a lot of animals out here in the spring water that comes out of... 1.00

00:13:58.000 Can you imagine fucking shooting a pig? 1.00

00:14:00.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:14:00.000 And cooking them in a fucking cave with your kids? 1.00

00:14:02.000 A cave? 1.00

00:14:03.000 Oof. 1.00

00:14:04.000 Just giving them all fucking silverware and living in a tent with fucking heaters and... 1.00

00:14:08.000 If the shit ever went down and got kinky, can you imagine that? 1.00

00:14:11.000 Kinky. 1.00

00:14:12.000 Kinky dog, kinky. 1.00

00:14:13.000 Shit gets kinky dog in that cave with my haters. 1.00

00:14:16.000 Listen, I don't know about you motherfuckers. 1.00

00:14:17.000 I'm excited about Oregon. 0.99

00:14:19.000 Oregon's one of those states. 0.99

00:14:20.000 Yeah, we're going to have a good fucking time. 0.99

00:14:21.000 Oregon's one of those states that's been on the grid for years, but nobody knew about it. 0.99

00:14:25.000 They kept it hush-hush. 0.98

00:14:26.000 I used to get some good weed in Oregon 15 fucking years ago. 0.99

00:14:29.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:14:29.000 Bass, Ashland, Eugene, Bend, Oregon's a hippie fucking foundation over there in Portland's a pretty hippie place too, isn't it? 0.99

00:14:36.000 A very hippie place up there. 1.00

00:14:37.000 Girls have dirty feet up there. 1.00

00:14:39.000 Yeah, girls have dirty feet. 1.00

00:14:40.000 You gotta make them put socks on. 1.00

00:14:42.000 Fuck socks. 1.00

00:14:43.000 Put socks on and don't breathe in my mouth. 1.00

00:14:45.000 Portland was the place that I went to last year and we were trying to find the most attractive person in a Costco for like a half hour meeting the girl I was with.

00:14:54.000 Oh, see who would Yeah, and we couldn't find anyone.

00:14:57.000 That's a Costco, though, dude.

00:14:59.000 Go to a Costco in Burbank. 0.77

00:15:00.000 You're dealing with a bunch of cripples there, too. 1.00

00:15:02.000 I know, but that's a packed Costco.

00:15:03.000 I usually can find one string.

00:15:05.000 You need to go to better places.

00:15:07.000 So there's a smaller amount. 1.00

00:15:08.000 Smaller amount of people you'd want to fuck. 0.99

00:15:10.000 That's okay, dude. 1.00

00:15:11.000 You're going to be okay.

00:15:12.000 I'll be okay.

00:15:14.000 Got to live somewhere if this place falls apart.

00:15:17.000 There's too many humans here. 1.00

00:15:19.000 There's too many fucking people. 1.00

00:15:20.000 Too many. 1.00

00:15:20.000 Yeah, but we keep on saying that, but we're not doing anything about it. 1.00

00:15:22.000 I did.

00:15:23.000 I did. 0.99

00:15:24.000 I fucking moved, man. 0.99

00:15:25.000 The only reason why I came back is because Mrs. Rogan got pregnant and because the dog got eaten by a mountain lion. 0.99

00:15:29.000 Yeah, if it wasn't for that, I would stay up there.

00:15:32.000 Well, that's my next move, man.

00:15:33.000 You ain't going back.

00:15:34.000 What are you talking about?

00:15:35.000 Oh, it's not like I'm already talking to real estate agents. 1.00

00:15:38.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:15:41.000 She'll let you talk all that nonsense! 1.00

00:15:44.000 This is the move. 0.97

00:15:46.000 The move is you go and you get a summer place and you try it out and you live there for a summer and then it becomes like you'd be super nice while you're there so it becomes all nostalgic you know so I just every time we're there I'll just bring home flowers and shit and then we come back to LA and then it's all jujitsu and loud music and too much pot smoke and L.A.'s negative. 0.98

00:16:03.000 Daddy's crazy in L.A. Daddy just wants to fight and smoke pot, and he's walking around naked. 0.98

00:16:09.000 No!

00:16:10.000 In Colorado, Daddy wants to go get ice cream, and Daddy's bringing flowers home.

00:16:15.000 See?

00:16:15.000 You just train them, bro.

00:16:16.000 Here's the problem you got, Joe Rogan.

00:16:18.000 I love you to death. 0.99

00:16:19.000 I got a whole fucking deal here. 0.99

00:16:20.000 Here's the problem Joe Rogan's got. 0.99

00:16:22.000 Joe Rogan's got a great wife.

00:16:24.000 And Joe Rogan, I went to his home last week.

00:16:26.000 And that was one of the first times that Mrs. Rogan was home a couple times.

00:16:29.000 And I've been up there like four times.

00:16:31.000 Mrs. Rogan likes to rock the house.

00:16:33.000 Mrs. Rogan don't like to sit at home. 1.00

00:16:34.000 And the problem is, all up where you live now, all you gotta do is go down the hill and she can get the party started. 1.00

00:16:39.000 Where you put her before, motherfucker, that's a witness relocation plan. 1.00

00:16:43.000 She had to drive 90 miles before she even seen a Denny's, dog. 1.00

00:16:46.000 It was another 20 miles.

00:16:47.000 She was from all the way up in Boulder. 0.99

00:16:49.000 The first mall that she cares about is Cherry fucking Creek. 1.00

00:16:52.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:16:53.000 So you had her too far away.

00:16:53.000 Was that Denver?

00:16:54.000 Yeah, you had her too far away from the mall.

00:16:56.000 Too far away from the mall?

00:16:58.000 You got to keep her closer to the mall. 1.00

00:16:59.000 You had her 90 fucking miles, dog. 1.00

00:17:01.000 And then she slipped on the ice. 0.99

00:17:03.000 You know what I loved the most living up there?

00:17:04.000 What I loved the most living up there was that there was a small amount of people, man.

00:17:10.000 Boulder's only got 100,000 plus people.

00:17:12.000 Not that much, man.

00:17:13.000 And people are friendlier like that.

00:17:14.000 There's a more relaxed vibe. 1.00

00:17:16.000 And I think that shit is healthy. 0.98

00:17:18.000 I think there's something exciting about living in a big city, especially if you're involved in the hustle and bustle and you're really trying to make something happen. 0.99

00:17:27.000 What's a bustle?

00:17:28.000 I don't know.

00:17:28.000 I can't believe you're talking to a realtor again.

00:17:31.000 If you got divorced, you probably get married again after a week, you dumb fuck. 1.00

00:17:34.000 You talking to a realtor again? 1.00

00:17:35.000 Are you really talking to a realtor about it?

00:17:37.000 Mr. Brogan's gonna shut that party up. 0.99

00:17:39.000 You gotta figure out a way to get a fucking car for her to the mall quicker where the action's at. 1.00

00:17:43.000 I can do that. 0.99

00:17:44.000 Don't worry about this.

00:17:44.000 And you gotta move a little closer.

00:17:45.000 That was too much.

00:17:46.000 Yeah, the next move is a little closer.

00:17:47.000 And you just need to move to Texas.

00:17:49.000 Texas is cool.

00:17:50.000 Texas is the answer, too.

00:17:51.000 I like Austin.

00:17:52.000 I'm a big fan of that Austin, Texas.

00:17:53.000 I'll tell you that.

00:17:54.000 I'd live there.

00:17:54.000 If I was going to live, but...

00:17:56.000 More land.

00:17:56.000 Still, weed is not legal there.

00:17:58.000 The thing about Colorado is it's just like California.

00:18:00.000 You could just go rock weed everywhere.

00:18:02.000 Will Mrs. Grove move to Austin?

00:18:03.000 No.

00:18:04.000 No.

00:18:04.000 Not yet.

00:18:05.000 Not yet. 1.00

00:18:05.000 If shit hits the fan, anything can happen. 1.00

00:18:07.000 When the shit hits the fan, then everybody gets scared, and then you start making survival choices. 1.00

00:18:11.000 You can move anywhere. 1.00

00:18:11.000 You can live in Kansas. 1.00

00:18:13.000 You'd rather be healthy in Kansas.

00:18:15.000 But the weed stores in Colorado are just like out here, bro.

00:18:18.000 They're everywhere. 0.99

00:18:19.000 There's one place in Denver where there's fucking seven of them on a street. 0.99

00:18:22.000 Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. 1.00

00:18:24.000 They're everywhere.

00:18:25.000 Is it easier to get a license, though?

00:18:26.000 Same deal.

00:18:27.000 I get headaches.

00:18:29.000 Bang! 1.00

00:18:30.000 Prescription, son.

00:18:31.000 We don't want you to have a headache.

00:18:32.000 They had them 20 minutes away from me when I was shooting that movie.

00:18:35.000 Right in the mountains, they had them.

00:18:36.000 Nice.

00:18:37.000 Like a doctor.

00:18:37.000 Oh, yeah.

00:18:38.000 There's a place that I used to go to in the mountains.

00:18:39.000 It was like a gift shop.

00:18:41.000 And they were doing...

00:18:42.000 They were struggling.

00:18:42.000 They were doing terrible.

00:18:43.000 And, you know, they were about to lose their business.

00:18:46.000 And then they started selling weed in the back of the gift shop.

00:18:48.000 Legal.

00:18:49.000 They got a legal license.

00:18:50.000 Boom! 0.99

00:18:50.000 Now they're balling! 0.99

00:18:52.000 Now they're about to...

00:18:53.000 The one place they open up in Boulder is supposedly, I don't know if it's open yet, but they were talking about it was going to be 30,000 square feet.

00:19:00.000 It was going to be three floors.

00:19:01.000 I don't know if they went through with it.

00:19:02.000 I need to find out if they did. 1.00

00:19:03.000 Because that's just the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard. 1.00

00:19:05.000 That's a goddamn shopping mall. 1.00

00:19:07.000 That's a Walmart of weed. 1.00

00:19:07.000 Yeah, a Walmart of weed. 1.00

00:19:09.000 But they had great spots there, man.

00:19:11.000 They had great spots where you can get weed. 0.99

00:19:12.000 I got some fucking weed two days ago in Hollywood. 0.99

00:19:16.000 It's 31% THC level. 1.00

00:19:19.000 This shit ain't even necessary. 1.00

00:19:20.000 What kind was it again? 1.00

00:19:21.000 It's Matt's OG. I've been smoking Matt's since 2006. And you gotta figure that every year it gets a little strong.

00:19:28.000 It's their trade weed.

00:19:29.000 They pay this grower.

00:19:30.000 I forgot to bring a bud.

00:19:31.000 It looks like one of the Martians from Independence Day.

00:19:34.000 You can see the sativa and the indica growing around it.

00:19:37.000 It's like a hybrid? 0.99

00:19:38.000 It's fucking beautiful. 0.99

00:19:39.000 What if I tell you I had a joint of that right now? 0.99

00:19:41.000 Did Ari give it to you?

00:19:42.000 No, I went and got it.

00:19:43.000 No, you didn't.

00:19:44.000 Yeah, I did. 1.00

00:19:44.000 Don't get that shit, son. 1.00

00:19:45.000 Do you really have some? 1.00

00:19:47.000 What's it called?

00:19:48.000 Max, number one OG. Bring it back and spark it, kid! 0.89

00:19:51.000 Oh, that shit is fucking strong, bro. 1.00

00:19:52.000 I had to go to the gym, but I was fucked up, bro. 1.00

00:19:55.000 Sounds good. 0.99

00:19:57.000 Oregon's gonna be fun.

00:19:58.000 Last time I went to Oregon, I went to Eugene, Oregon with Jody Ferdy.

00:20:01.000 And we had a Saturday night there for a one-nighter for Tribble.

00:20:04.000 But it was the same night that there was a convention for the American Association of Retarded Children.

00:20:09.000 I don't want to say it wrong.

00:20:11.000 But it was like the children that, you know, Special Olympics.

00:20:14.000 Right.

00:20:14.000 And they had a lot of little retarded kids running around.

00:20:16.000 So when I go to check in, I'm high as a motherfucker. 0.99

00:20:18.000 There's all these kids with balloons. 0.99

00:20:19.000 And I'm just freaking because Oregon got some deep weed.

00:20:22.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:20:23.000 Right, right, right.

00:20:23.000 We got some at the gas station.

00:20:25.000 Brian, you're going to love this shit. 1.00

00:20:26.000 I got a lighter. 1.00

00:20:27.000 We check into the hotel and Eugene and Joe, this is not 10 or 15 of them.

00:20:31.000 This is 600 children, you know, Special Olympics, 200 retarded ones and their parents. 0.99

00:20:38.000 So I go to my room, you know, we smoke, we do the show.

00:20:41.000 The show is in the hotel but on a different part.

00:20:43.000 They're having a little dance.

00:20:44.000 You had to see this.

00:20:45.000 They were all holding hands with little balloons and the disco.

00:20:48.000 And it was very cute to see. 1.00

00:20:50.000 But the story that a lot of people don't know is retarded guys, boys, are the strongest motherfuckers in the world and they're most perverted. 1.00

00:20:57.000 Really? 1.00

00:20:58.000 Oh, I've heard that before. 0.99

00:20:59.000 Like a retarded boy. 1.00

00:21:00.000 They go fucking nuts if you show them your pussy. 1.00

00:21:03.000 Really? 1.00

00:21:03.000 So listen to me. 1.00

00:21:04.000 We're in the fucking comedy club and often they switch it at 10 o'clock. 0.99

00:21:07.000 They switch it and turn it into a disco. 0.99

00:21:11.000 And Jody's got a couple cocktails in it. 1.00

00:21:12.000 She started dancing. 0.98

00:21:13.000 She got big titties at the time. 1.00

00:21:15.000 And there's this little retarded boy who breaks away from the fucking pile and goes into the dance and he starts to look at Jody. 1.00

00:21:21.000 And you can see, Joe Rogan, that he's losing his fucking mind. 1.00

00:21:24.000 Oh, no. 1.00

00:21:25.000 And finally he goes on the dance floor and starts dancing with her.

00:21:27.000 And he starts to dance with him and he starts grinding with him and Jody thinks it's cute.

00:21:31.000 And all of a sudden, they come in and they're like, there he is, there's little David. 0.99

00:21:35.000 And they come to grab him and David fucking snaps like one of those fucking gorillas in the zoo. 0.99

00:21:39.000 Right now, they had three black doormen that were trying to tackle little Timmy. 1.00

00:21:44.000 Little Timmy was throwing him around like Brock Lesnar throwing around fucking John Fitch. 1.00

00:21:49.000 Just picked the whole offensive line of the Giants, couldn't have this little retard down. 1.00

00:21:54.000 Three fucking black gorillas. 1.00

00:21:55.000 And he's just pushing them. 1.00

00:21:59.000 He's seen those titties. 1.00

00:22:00.000 He went fucking apeshit. 1.00

00:22:02.000 He's pushing them. 1.00

00:22:03.000 The counselors came. 1.00

00:22:04.000 They had to throw him on the fucking floor and put his hand. 1.00

00:22:07.000 He's seen them titties. 1.00

00:22:08.000 He went fucking apeshit, dog. 1.00

00:22:11.000 Those little tarts go fucking bananas when you show them. 1.00

00:22:13.000 Those little what? 0.99

00:22:14.000 Tarts.

00:22:15.000 And it was just titty.

00:22:16.000 Can you imagine if it was the monkey who would have jumped?

00:22:18.000 Bro, this is the University of Eugene.

00:22:21.000 These are big black football players.

00:22:22.000 They couldn't control this little 12-year-old. 0.81

00:22:25.000 He was banging them, throwing them around.

00:22:26.000 He was only 12? 1.00

00:22:28.000 12 or 13, just throwing these fucking black guys around. 1.00

00:22:31.000 That's craziness. 1.00

00:22:32.000 And I'll never forget that, that they had to put them on the floor, handcuff them, shoot them, tranquilize them. 1.00

00:22:37.000 This little fucking poor kid seen titties, and he went fucking bananas. 1.00

00:22:41.000 Bananas. 1.00

00:22:43.000 That's crazy. 0.99

00:22:43.000 I wonder if they're just doing what everybody wants to do, but just doesn't have the balls. 0.99

00:22:47.000 They don't have the walls to break down. 0.97

00:22:50.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:22:52.000 I wonder if that's what people instinctively want to do.

00:22:55.000 You're born that way. 1.00

00:22:56.000 Yeah, retards can't be extra more horny, right? 1.00

00:23:00.000 No. 0.99

00:23:01.000 They're probably not extra horny. 0.61

00:23:02.000 Put that fan on him.

00:23:03.000 I'm sweating like Joe Rogan's house without the electricity.

00:23:06.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:23:06.000 You're killing me here.

00:23:08.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:23:09.000 Bro, this kid went fucking bananas. 0.99

00:23:11.000 He ripped his shirt. 0.99

00:23:11.000 That's scary. 0.99

00:23:12.000 Because you can't even beat them up.

00:23:14.000 What do you do? 1.00

00:23:14.000 You can't drop a bomb on a fucking... 1.00

00:23:16.000 But the funny thing was that they built like a wall at first and they threw him out. 1.00

00:23:19.000 First they asked him to leave and he was like, the black guy's got shoulder to shoulder. 0.57

00:23:23.000 Right.

00:23:23.000 And he was grabbing their shoulders.

00:23:26.000 Whoa. 0.98

00:23:27.000 I mean, it was fucking scary for them. 0.99

00:23:28.000 They don't know they look bad, you know? 0.99

00:23:30.000 That's one of the weird things about people that are retarded or Down syndrome or whatever. 1.00

00:23:34.000 They don't seem to know.

00:23:36.000 They just kind of are.

00:23:38.000 They just behave. 1.00

00:23:39.000 They're not like, God, why am I so fucking stupid? 1.00

00:23:41.000 You're so smart. 1.00

00:23:43.000 No, they're not like that.

00:23:44.000 They're just themselves.

00:23:45.000 You know what I mean? 1.00

00:23:46.000 It's like, that must be a strange, strange existence where that's part of being dumb is that you're too dumb to realize you're dumb. 1.00

00:23:54.000 I'm not saying dumb like they're lazy. 1.00

00:23:56.000 They have an issue. 1.00

00:23:57.000 There's a mental issue. 0.61

00:23:58.000 There's a mental imbalance. 1.00

00:23:59.000 Whatever the fuck it is. 1.00

00:24:00.000 But I mean, they're impaired. 1.00

00:24:02.000 But they're so impaired, they don't know they're impaired. 0.55

00:24:04.000 They've lost the ability to see that they're impaired.

00:24:07.000 What if they all have an inner voice that's completely normal, but they can't take A to B? You know what I mean?

00:24:14.000 So the whole time they're just like, I can't believe how much they treat me so horrible.

00:24:20.000 But when they try to say it, it's like...

00:24:23.000 Well, there's probably a lot of that, yeah. 0.99

00:24:27.000 I think there's a bunch of different types of, you know, being fucked up. 0.97

00:24:31.000 You know, for sure there's that, too. 0.96

00:24:32.000 You know, it's not just simple as, you know, there's varying degrees. 0.97

00:24:38.000 Yeah, there's varying degrees along the way that are, you know, I mean, it's a fucking crazy thing, man, to have your mind impaired, you know? 0.95

00:24:45.000 And like, look, our minds are impaired in comparison. 0.99

00:24:47.000 I was watching this fucking 12-year-old kid, this autistic kid with 170 IQ, doing his take on the theory of relativity, and he's writing out equations on this fucking window. 1.00

00:24:57.000 And I'm watching this kid, I'm like, this kid might as well be a fucking alien. 1.00

00:25:02.000 Alright? 0.99

00:25:02.000 I don't know what he's doing. 0.99

00:25:03.000 I have no idea. 0.99

00:25:04.000 He's explaining this like this is all simple, simple shit. 0.99

00:25:07.000 When this is so far beyond my capacity. 1.00

00:25:10.000 To him, to this autistic kid, I'm retarded. 0.99

00:25:12.000 Okay? 1.00

00:25:13.000 I am this guy who he has to humor because I can't understand a fucking word, a letter, a single part of his equation. 0.98

00:25:20.000 I don't know what's going on up there. 0.99

00:25:22.000 It's chaos to me.

00:25:23.000 But to him, it's so clear.

00:25:24.000 It's a language.

00:25:25.000 It's like, well, quite simply, you have to move this and this becomes X equals Y equals 2. We are the retards to that kid. 0.87

00:25:32.000 You know, maybe like...

00:25:33.000 Maybe like, you know, people with Down Syndrome, they feel bad when people don't have Down Syndrome.

00:25:38.000 Maybe it's just like us, we feel bad when people have autism.

00:25:40.000 Like, oh, this poor kid's got autism, man.

00:25:42.000 He can't engage in all the normal emotional things that we do. 1.00

00:25:45.000 Meanwhile, this motherfucker's, you know, count... 1.00

00:25:47.000 Counting to a billion in his head while he's talking to you about how a television is constructed. 1.00

00:25:53.000 You know, maybe we're retards to them. 1.00

00:25:55.000 Maybe, you know, they look at us and they go, these poor fucks. 1.00

00:25:58.000 They can't even do math in their head. 1.00

00:25:59.000 They can't see through walls.

00:26:01.000 They can't read people's minds, you know?

00:26:04.000 Well, but some people are just...

00:26:05.000 I had a kid in the eighth grade.

00:26:07.000 His name was Michael Allegretta, a Sicilian kid. 0.99

00:26:09.000 He had been fresh off the boat in the fucking sixth grade. 1.00

00:26:12.000 By the eighth grade, this motherfucker spoke three languages. 1.00

00:26:15.000 Well... 1.00

00:26:19.000 All that Sicilian shit. 1.00

00:26:20.000 He picked up Spanish, and he picked up English, and I used to just sit and look at him in awe. 1.00

00:26:25.000 Do you know what I'm saying? 0.99

00:26:26.000 He was such a cool motherfucker that I just wanted to hang with him. 0.99

00:26:29.000 He was a nerd. 0.99

00:26:30.000 We used to play, when we used to play hockey, we hit him in the chins with the hockey stick, and he'd go, "Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." So I would die a lot. 0.72

00:26:39.000 He was an immigrant to the back. 1.00

00:26:40.000 He was my dog, Michael Allegretta.

00:26:42.000 That's hilarious.

00:26:43.000 But this kid knew nothing when he came off a boat January in the sixth grade. 0.99

00:26:48.000 By the eighth grade, he knew three fucking languages. 0.99

00:26:50.000 He would talk to me in Spanish, talk to you in English, like nothing, and get A's. 0.99

00:26:54.000 You know, some people are brilliant.

00:26:55.000 It's work ethic, too.

00:26:57.000 Some people just, they have this insane work ethic.

00:26:59.000 And people that get a chance to come to America, it's so much different than being born in America. 0.98

00:27:04.000 We don't have any fucking idea. 0.96

00:27:06.000 I did. 1.00

00:27:06.000 You're living in fucking Guatemala or some shit. 1.00

00:27:09.000 Your opportunities are fucking few and far between. 1.00

00:27:12.000 You're living in some place that's impoverished. 1.00

00:27:15.000 You're kind of fucked, man. 1.00

00:27:16.000 But when you're in America, dude, holy shit. 1.00

00:27:19.000 So these guys, their family gets them together. 0.99

00:27:21.000 Look, we're going to move to America.

00:27:22.000 I want to have a better life.

00:27:23.000 And you realize you're leaving everything behind. 1.00

00:27:25.000 You're putting all your fucking ship in cargo planes. 0.99

00:27:28.000 And you're all sitting together crammed in coach and, you know, eating fruit out of your mom's purse. 0.99

00:27:33.000 And, you know, just hoping that when you get there, things are going to be better.

00:27:36.000 And you don't know anybody there.

00:27:37.000 And how scary is this? 1.00

00:27:38.000 So when those motherfuckers get to school, they come out guns blazing. 1.00

00:27:42.000 You know, they appreciate the fact that, holy shit, I used to live in Italy. 1.00

00:27:46.000 Now here I am in the land of the free, the home of the brave. 0.99

00:27:49.000 I'm in America, and I'm in school, and I'm learning English, and I'm just going to go fucking crazy over here. 0.95

00:27:55.000 They're just so happy. 0.65

00:27:57.000 And Joe Rogan, that's the one half of it.

00:27:59.000 Because I didn't leave Cuba crying.

00:28:01.000 I woke up on 89th Street and Riverside Drive. 0.99

00:28:04.000 I had all the fucking things that a rich kid would have at that age. 0.99

00:28:08.000 And here I was, walking around this fucking city, but I didn't know English. 0.99

00:28:12.000 And all you want to do in your heart is just fit in. 0.99

00:28:14.000 And you have no idea.

00:28:15.000 This is not trying to fit in when you're in grammar school and you should get a tattoo or long hair.

00:28:20.000 All you want to know is for them not to know that you came from somewhere else.

00:28:24.000 I can't describe it to you. 0.98

00:28:26.000 I can't even fucking start to tell you. 0.93

00:28:28.000 Like sometimes I have this anger at me and it's because I... We were so lucky. 0.95

00:28:34.000 We were so lucky. 1.00

00:28:35.000 Any three of us could have been born one of those black kids in fucking Haiti with flies on you. 1.00

00:28:39.000 Any three of us. 1.00

00:28:40.000 And we have so many fucking opportunities. 0.99

00:28:43.000 And sometimes I wake up in the morning and this really hits me sometimes. 0.98

00:28:46.000 I go, how fucking lucky am I that my mother came here? 0.96

00:28:49.000 And here I am sitting here smoking dope. 0.99

00:28:50.000 I gotta go mug somebody.

00:28:52.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:28:53.000 Like, think about it.

00:28:54.000 That's what an immigrant was like. 1.00

00:28:55.000 You know, I'm telling you, for a long time I've been writing this thing.

00:28:58.000 And that's how it starts with it.

00:29:00.000 You know, I don't remember anything.

00:29:01.000 I don't remember the plane ride from Cube.

00:29:03.000 I remember nothing. 0.99

00:29:04.000 All I remember is crossing the fucking street on 89th and Broadway up to PS1, C66, and thinking to myself, finally, I'm going to be a fucking American. 0.99

00:29:13.000 What does that mean? 0.99

00:29:15.000 Looking at that flag and really believing something, dog. 1.00

00:29:18.000 It's not just a piece of fucking rag. 1.00

00:29:21.000 Looking at that flag and going, what the fuck? 1.00

00:29:23.000 Like looking at the wind, blowing that flag and going, what the fuck? 1.00

00:29:27.000 That flag is the answer to all my fucking problems. 1.00

00:29:30.000 That's the answer right there. 1.00

00:29:32.000 But even at that age, I knew my mother was fucking crazy, so I knew I was in a full-fledged American. 0.98

00:29:37.000 But looking at that flag... 0.96

00:29:38.000 When you look at that flag and you just come here, they have a scene in the beginning of Scarface when they're on the boat and they finally see land and they show the American flag and the director, whoever the guy, is brilliant enough to show, he showed it from a different angle what that flag looks like. 0.97

00:29:53.000 It's not just, we overlook that flag every fucking day. 0.77

00:29:56.000 We overlook that flag. 1.00

00:29:58.000 You don't know what it is to look at that flag when you first come here and to know that that's your fucking, that's your magic carpet. 0.99

00:30:04.000 It's the highest ideal in the world. 0.99

00:30:06.000 It's the highest ideal. 1.00

00:30:07.000 That's why it's so infuriating when politicians are fucking corrupt. 0.99

00:30:10.000 That's why it's so, you know, people say, you know, why do you criticize what America does overseas? 0.99

00:30:14.000 Don't you love America? 0.97

00:30:15.000 Yeah, if you love it, you want to tell the fucking truth about what it's doing. 0.99

00:30:18.000 You know, if you love it, you're supposed to stand up and go, what the fuck is going on? 1.00

00:30:21.000 It's like, you don't love it by letting it get away with stupid shit because there's some corrupt cunts at the wheel. 1.00

00:30:27.000 That's not, it doesn't mean you don't love the idea of America. 1.00

00:30:30.000 I fucking love the idea of America, for sure. 0.75

00:30:32.000 I've Always remember, we only see the one side of that flag. 0.98

00:30:35.000 We never see both sides together, gentlemen.

00:30:38.000 And that's the point.

00:30:39.000 We only see that one side of the flag.

00:30:41.000 Right now you discussed that the CIA is setting up things in Libya.

00:30:45.000 What are they setting up?

00:30:46.000 They're starting a war.

00:30:47.000 They're starting business.

00:30:48.000 They're getting things going.

00:30:49.000 That's the other side of that flag that we're never able to see.

00:30:52.000 We only see one side of the flag.

00:30:53.000 If you put a mirror on the other side of the flag.

00:30:55.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:30:56.000 That's the one side of the flag that we have since we accept this side of the flag.

00:30:59.000 We've got to accept that side of the flag. 0.99

00:31:01.000 Yeah, the only way this side is possible where it's easy to drive around is if they're doing all this creepy shit. 0.94

00:31:07.000 Unless we bring the whole world together in on everything. 0.65

00:31:10.000 And that's just not going to happen. 0.99

00:31:11.000 And we've done creepy fucking shit as Americans. 1.00

00:31:13.000 And they're going to do creepy shit too? 1.00

00:31:14.000 We can't trust them. 0.99

00:31:16.000 You know, you can't trust people to be cool.

00:31:18.000 Look, the natural instinct, if someone can get into a position of power, is to be Gaddafi. 0.80

00:31:23.000 That's the natural instinct. 1.00

00:31:24.000 The natural instinct is to get Botox when you're 80, have this big stupid-looking rubber face, wear goofy clothes, and just be running shit. 1.00

00:31:32.000 Even though you're this old cunt, you know, living in some fucking castle with billions of dollars. 1.00

00:31:37.000 Now, why is he doing that job? 1.00

00:31:38.000 Can you tell me why is he doing it?

00:31:39.000 Maybe we put that dude in there. 0.87

00:31:40.000 Billions of dollars for money.

00:31:42.000 The other side of that flag is money, Joe Rogan.

00:31:44.000 That's what a lot of people never comprehend.

00:31:46.000 But that's the reality of it.

00:31:47.000 Stand-up is a beautiful thing to do.

00:31:49.000 Some guys are brilliant, some guys aren't brilliant.

00:31:52.000 They're millionaires, the other fall between the cracks.

00:31:54.000 The other side of the stand-up, it's a business. 1.00

00:31:56.000 It really is a fucking business, guys. 0.99

00:31:58.000 And it's like anything else. 1.00

00:31:59.000 The other side of that flag is a business, guys. 0.99

00:32:02.000 And the same way we watch Social Security when we're 65, our country has to sell a couple kilos every once in a while to replenish those fucking funds. 0.99

00:32:09.000 You know what I'm saying? 0.98

00:32:10.000 And that's a side the American public don't want to know.

00:32:13.000 That's a side that included Kennedy.

00:32:15.000 That's a side that Alex Jones talks about.

00:32:17.000 Whether it's true or not, that's a side we're not supposed to see.

00:32:20.000 We're supposed to be focused on the other side, on what that machine is supposed to mean to us.

00:32:25.000 And for guys like you and I, I like looking behind the curtain, but I don't.

00:32:29.000 I don't, because I grew up in a corrupt hometown, and I've seen what politics is at a minute level. 0.99

00:32:35.000 I can't even dream of what it is at a national fucking level when I'm taking political contributions, but I'm going to pass your fucking bill so you can pass that law that'll make people's hands grow back, but they're also going to give them cancer in the eyeballs. 0.99

00:32:49.000 That's part of it. 0.99

00:32:51.000 I grew up in it when it was in a micro process.

00:32:54.000 Now the national level of corruption is in a macro process.

00:32:58.000 And it starts with little things and townships.

00:33:01.000 Isn't macro smaller than micro?

00:33:03.000 Yeah, micro, macro.

00:33:04.000 I'm a little high.

00:33:04.000 I'm sorry, guys.

00:33:05.000 But you understand my point.

00:33:06.000 I know exactly what you're saying.

00:33:08.000 It's very interesting.

00:33:09.000 Corruption, if not checked, grows.

00:33:11.000 It all just keeps getting bigger. 1.00

00:33:12.000 It's not like they go, hey, we've got to cut the shit. 0.99

00:33:14.000 I know we've been making millions of dollars on the sneak tip, but everybody's got to stop right now, and I'm not kidding. 0.99

00:33:19.000 Why are you still making money?

00:33:21.000 These WikiLeaks things are pretty cool for the country, I think, in general.

00:33:24.000 Huge! 0.99

00:33:24.000 That's why these assholes want to put that guy in jail. 0.99

00:33:26.000 They want to say he compromises American security. 1.00

00:33:28.000 No, it doesn't.

00:33:29.000 He did exactly what the New York Times was supposed to do if they got that information.

00:33:33.000 They should have done that on Twitter, though.

00:33:34.000 Can you imagine if there was just this Twitter address that everyone followed?

00:33:37.000 Well, they have a WikiLeaks Twitter.

00:33:39.000 By the way, JFK, here's pictures of JFK selling cocaine, too.

00:33:42.000 Dude, WikiLeaks has a Twitter.

00:33:44.000 Really? 1.00

00:33:44.000 They do the same shit on Twitter? 1.00

00:33:45.000 They released an article about how different parts of the American economy are influenced by genetically modified foods and how we are trying to force them on other countries. 0.99

00:33:57.000 And we're fucking with other countries if they don't go into the genetically modified food. 0.95

00:34:01.000 If they don't start growing Monsanto corn and shit like that, these giant companies are way too embedded into the political system. 0.98

00:34:09.000 They're not doing stuff for the greater good of people. 0.96

00:34:11.000 They're doing stuff for the profitability of giant corporations that moved them into position in the first place.

00:34:16.000 The whole thing has been corrupted.

00:34:17.000 To sit down and pretend that it's real is insulting. 1.00

00:34:22.000 It's like a stupid argument. 1.00

00:34:24.000 It's like people who argue about pro-wrestling. 1.00

00:34:26.000 It's like, what are you arguing about?

00:34:28.000 This is a fake nonsense process.

00:34:30.000 If you can't notice that from Obama, Obama's going to pull all the troops out of Afghanistan.

00:34:35.000 Oh, he's not. 0.99

00:34:37.000 Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, and then he sent 30,000 more fucking troops to Afghanistan? 0.99

00:34:42.000 I mean, come on, man. 0.99

00:34:43.000 Thank you. 1.00

00:34:43.000 Look at all the shit that he's done to allow these cunts to get away with stealing all that fucking money and that bailout. 1.00

00:34:48.000 I watched that Inside Job movie. 1.00

00:34:50.000 Dude, that shit is disgusting. 1.00

00:34:53.000 It's disgusting how deep the corruption is in the whole financial sector. 1.00

00:34:57.000 It's scary, dude.

00:34:59.000 They have the people that are regulators eventually get jobs with the banks. 0.99

00:35:03.000 Like, how the fuck? 0.98

00:35:05.000 You're telling me you work as a guy who's working for the SEC, and you're looking into banks and corruption and shit like that, and then when you quit, you get a job with the bank? 1.00

00:35:13.000 How the fuck are you not in jail? 0.99

00:35:16.000 How the fuck are you not in jail? 1.00

00:35:18.000 You were the one responsible for looking over these motherfuckers while they were doing all sorts of crazy shit, betting on things failing and betting three times more than a business is worth, and Speculatives and betting again and fucking forcing clients to buy shit they knew wasn't good. 1.00

00:35:36.000 Like, they did a lot of crazy, creepy shit and got away with it. 1.00

00:35:40.000 And the only one who got popped is that Bernie Madoff. 1.00

00:35:43.000 Those motherfuckers should all be in jail. 1.00

00:35:45.000 They should be a mass jailing. 1.00

00:35:48.000 And they're not?

00:35:48.000 They're not jailing anybody.

00:35:50.000 Then it's bullshit. 1.00

00:35:52.000 Then it's all bullshit. 1.00

00:35:53.000 It's all bullshit. 1.00

00:35:54.000 You gotta hold them the most accountable you can, and it's barely at all. 1.00

00:35:59.000 People's dreams.

00:36:00.000 People's dreams. 0.99

00:36:02.000 When you steal people's dreams, that's the worst thing in the fucking world. 0.98

00:36:05.000 You're 63 years old, all of a sudden somebody calls you and says, you're not going to get your money at 66 or 67. 0.99

00:36:12.000 All that money you put away.

00:36:13.000 That happens to those guys a lot, too. 1.00

00:36:15.000 It's happened to a lot of fucking people. 1.00

00:36:17.000 People at 60. 1.00

00:36:17.000 I just watched them about a month ago. 1.00

00:36:19.000 People 71 getting part-time fucking jobs now. 0.99

00:36:22.000 69. 1.00

00:36:23.000 This fucking movie showed, I believe it was Iceland, how they went in and jacked the Icelandic economy in like a couple of years. 1.00

00:36:32.000 These banks went in and just fucking created bubbles and started making crazy money, spending in excess, and then it all failed and people are fucked. 1.00

00:36:41.000 They had like the most stable, the most normalized economy. 0.99

00:36:45.000 Like it was a beautiful economy.

00:36:46.000 Everything was running smooth.

00:36:48.000 People were hard workers. 0.97

00:36:49.000 People got shit done.

00:36:50.000 They lived a life of, you know, relative prosperity. 1.00

00:36:53.000 Now they're fucked. 0.99

00:36:54.000 Everybody lost everything. 1.00

00:36:55.000 Everyone's fucked. 1.00

00:36:56.000 Everyone's pissed off. 1.00

00:36:57.000 Do you think that could happen here in the States?

00:36:59.000 I think it already has.

00:37:00.000 It already has.

00:37:01.000 What is this bailout?

00:37:02.000 What is this?

00:37:02.000 How do these people get money when their banks failed?

00:37:06.000 Well, they have bonuses in their contract.

00:37:08.000 Bonuses? 0.68

00:37:09.000 How the fuck do you get a bonus when the bank fails? 0.91

00:37:12.000 Like, the idea that you have to respect them and that they can't lose, that's just... 1.00

00:37:16.000 It's so corrupt.

00:37:17.000 Have you seen the size of the bonuses? 0.99

00:37:20.000 It's disgusting.

00:37:20.000 Millions and millions of dollars.

00:37:21.000 And this is from banks where we had to pay them.

00:37:25.000 We gave them money, and they're giving out money. 0.98

00:37:28.000 Either way, if your bank fucking fails, you can't get a bonus. 0.98

00:37:32.000 You can't get a bonus. 0.99

00:37:33.000 I'm sorry. 0.99

00:37:33.000 The bank fucking failed. 0.99

00:37:35.000 Do you take no personal responsibility? 1.00

00:37:37.000 Like, who takes responsibility?

00:37:39.000 Somebody.

00:37:39.000 And shouldn't it be the guy that stands to make a bonus if the bank does well?

00:37:43.000 That should be the guy who takes personal responsibility. 1.00

00:37:46.000 So when the bank fucking fails, you don't get your bonus, cunt face. 1.00

00:37:49.000 It's it. 1.00

00:37:49.000 It's that simple. 1.00

00:37:50.000 Why the fuck can't the president say that? 0.99

00:37:52.000 Instead, he's like, we're going to limit it to half a million dollars. 1.00

00:37:56.000 Half a million fucking dollars for a bonus when your bank fails. 1.00

00:38:01.000 These motherfuckers are so not living in reality, in most people's reality. 1.00

00:38:06.000 These cunts cost so many fucking people their life savings, and they have to get their bonuses. 1.00

00:38:11.000 And the president's like, well, we have to give it to them. 1.00

00:38:13.000 What the fuck are you talking about? 1.00

00:38:15.000 You have to give it to them. 1.00

00:38:16.000 You can't just step in and go cut the shit. 1.00

00:38:19.000 Are you fucking crazy? 1.00

00:38:20.000 No, you can't get $30 million after your fucking bank fails. 1.00

00:38:24.000 No, in the middle of a crazy downed economy where billions of dollars from taxpayers' money has been funneled to fucking banks to keep them afloat. 1.00

00:38:31.000 No, you can't get a bonus, fuckhead. 1.00

00:38:33.000 You're lucky you have a job. 1.00

00:38:34.000 You're lucky your head is attached to your fucking shoulder. 1.00

00:38:36.000 You're lucky you're not getting 90 fucking years. 1.00

00:38:38.000 Yeah, you're lucky you're not in jail forever in Haiti. 0.99

00:38:41.000 Can I ask you a question?

00:38:41.000 Have you followed what's going on in the city of Bell?

00:38:44.000 Bell?

00:38:44.000 Where's Bell?

00:38:45.000 Bell, California. 1.00

00:38:46.000 It's a city that the fucking guys just jacked them! 1.00

00:38:49.000 What happened? 1.00

00:38:50.000 You gotta get up early in the morning for this because they're talking about KTLA. It's the city here of Bell off the 605 or something.

00:38:57.000 And all the mayor, everybody, it was as corrupt as can be.

00:39:01.000 They've been jacking millions!

00:39:03.000 So if it's at that city of Bell, if the corruption is that deep, the cops were having ticket contests...

00:39:09.000 Really?

00:39:10.000 Oh, this is... 1.00

00:39:11.000 Every day on the news, they come up with more shit. 1.00

00:39:13.000 The guy just got re-indicted. 1.00

00:39:14.000 This is old school Jersey shit. 1.00

00:39:16.000 Really? 1.00

00:39:17.000 Where's Bell?

00:39:18.000 Bell, California.

00:39:19.000 I think, like...

00:39:21.000 Northern?

00:39:22.000 30 minutes from here south.

00:39:24.000 Really?

00:39:24.000 Yeah, 30, 45 minutes from here.

00:39:25.000 It's close.

00:39:26.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:26.000 And they've just been having this shit in there lately. 1.00

00:39:29.000 It's a shitstorm. 1.00

00:39:29.000 They were all stealing. 1.00

00:39:31.000 All five guys were stealing big balls. 0.96

00:39:33.000 I don't understand how they feel like no one's going to get caught.

00:39:36.000 It's like Goodfellas.

00:39:38.000 Remember Goodfellas and Robert De Niro how to start killing people because they're spending too much money? 0.99

00:39:42.000 That's the same goddamn thing, man. 0.99

00:39:44.000 That was a great scene, wasn't it? 1.00

00:39:46.000 Where you realize the guy came in, his wife had a fucking beautiful fur coat on. 1.00

00:39:49.000 It's like, what the fuck are you doing? 1.00

00:39:51.000 And then they have to kill this guy. 1.00

00:39:52.000 And then there's photos of him and his wife shot in the car. 1.00

00:39:55.000 What a great goddamn movie that was. 0.99

00:39:57.000 That movie was on the other night. 0.99

00:39:58.000 And I walked in the park with her at the mother's house.

00:40:02.000 And they're borrowing the knife.

00:40:04.000 But you gotta think of that whole scene.

00:40:05.000 They're borrowing a knife to stab this guy in the car. 1.00

00:40:08.000 Meanwhile, while they're eating, the guy's in the trunk of the fucking car. 1.00

00:40:11.000 And they're eating like it's the 4th of July. 1.00

00:40:13.000 They're eating eggs and bread and fucking telling stories. 0.99

00:40:16.000 Remember the painting? 1.00

00:40:17.000 Yeah.

00:40:18.000 Three dogs.

00:40:19.000 What do you want from me? 1.00

00:40:20.000 That is such a sick fucking movie right there. 1.00

00:40:24.000 It's a great movie. 1.00

00:40:25.000 What do you want from me?

00:40:25.000 There's not that many of those.

00:40:27.000 There's very few of those that ever get that good.

00:40:29.000 There's very few movies that ever hit that.

00:40:31.000 That's like a perfect movie. 0.99

00:40:33.000 Goodfellas is like a perfect fucking movie. 0.99

00:40:35.000 Everything about it. 0.99

00:40:36.000 Especially when you see it 20 years later. 1.00

00:40:38.000 When she was screaming at Ray Liotta and he starts laughing and runs away because he's gacked out of his fucking mind. 0.99

00:40:43.000 She's screaming at him and he's laughing. 0.99

00:40:45.000 Remember when they were packaging up the coke and his girlfriend was getting pissed off? 0.99

00:40:50.000 Because he's got her just fucking making coke for him now. 0.99

00:40:52.000 He was banging her on the side, still with his wife, and he's got her packaging coke for him. 1.00

00:40:56.000 And then he leaves laughing and she fucking throws the coke at the door. 1.00

00:41:00.000 You remember that shit? 1.00

00:41:01.000 Here's the craziest thing ever. 1.00

00:41:02.000 It's a great goddamn movie. 0.99

00:41:03.000 Here's the craziest thing ever. 0.98

00:41:04.000 When he gets to that scene, and I did coke for 30 years, when he gets to that scene and he snorts and he pops his head up and his eyes dilate right in front of the camera, that scene is where I turn the movie off.

00:41:16.000 Really?

00:41:17.000 It bothers me to no end.

00:41:18.000 You know why it bothers me?

00:41:19.000 Because he steals it, dog.

00:41:21.000 He taps into the coat.

00:41:22.000 When he's standing there with his arms, watch it again, when she's weighing it, and he's standing there with his arms folded.

00:41:28.000 How many times have you seen him with my arms folded?

00:41:30.000 That means your potential energy, you're ready to explode. 1.00

00:41:32.000 You can't even take watching that, fill that fucking envelope. 0.99

00:41:36.000 When he sees the fucking helicopter and you know it's behind you, the chitter-chatter they have, that's paranoid talk. 0.99

00:41:43.000 Why can't we go to your mother's house when they drop the guns off? 0.99

00:41:46.000 Can you imagine, Joe, why can't we go to your mother's house and drop off guns?

00:41:49.000 They had this chitter-chatter when he gets out of jail and he's fiending for the coke and he comes home and he's trying to tell her that he wants it for money.

00:41:58.000 He wants to get high.

00:41:59.000 I've been there.

00:42:01.000 Karen!

00:42:01.000 Karen, what'd you do?

00:42:03.000 That was all we had, Karen!

00:42:05.000 That whole Chinichap. 1.00

00:42:07.000 Look at how high they were.

00:42:09.000 He just passes out.

00:42:11.000 They just pass out.

00:42:11.000 That's so perfect.

00:42:12.000 Yeah, they just pass out from the fucking side. 1.00

00:42:15.000 That was all we had! 1.00

00:42:15.000 Yeah, that's all we had. 1.00

00:42:17.000 $60,000 in a fucking thing he had in the ceiling. 0.99

00:42:20.000 The cops wouldn't have found it. 1.00

00:42:22.000 Great fucking movie that was. 0.99

00:42:23.000 But it's amazing. 0.99

00:42:24.000 When he's looking up at the helicopters and he's driving and he's so fucking paranoid.

00:42:27.000 Yes, when he was in the car and he thought it was over. 0.93

00:42:30.000 And he's getting rid of guns, right?

00:42:32.000 Wasn't he?

00:42:32.000 Yeah.

00:42:33.000 You have no idea what it is to get coked up in this little room and look out that window all night by the blonde. 1.00

00:42:40.000 And there's like, there'll be a, what do you call those things?

00:42:43.000 A fire hydrant?

00:42:44.000 Uh-huh.

00:42:44.000 But in your mind it becomes a dog.

00:42:47.000 Could you imagine if you got, like, Osama bin Laden coked up?

00:42:51.000 Could you imagine if you got someone like Gaddafi coked up right now?

00:42:54.000 How paranoid he would be?

00:42:56.000 He probably does it.

00:42:58.000 You think he does coke?

00:42:59.000 Of course. 1.00

00:43:00.000 You're a fucking terrorist. 1.00

00:43:01.000 You're probably fucking hookers. 1.00

00:43:03.000 Well, Gaddafi's not a terrorist. 1.00

00:43:04.000 He's a dictator.

00:43:05.000 Or, I mean, Osama. 0.77

00:43:08.000 He's the same thing. 1.00

00:43:09.000 He's a bad person. 0.99

00:43:11.000 Enemy. 1.00

00:43:12.000 Bad person.

00:43:12.000 There was a guy called Carlos something that was part of the Medellin cartel in the 80s.

00:43:16.000 Bad motherfucker. 0.99

00:43:17.000 The one that was in charge of bringing up all the blow. 1.00

00:43:20.000 He got so crazy.

00:43:21.000 Not Nadir.

00:43:23.000 Carlos, yeah, what's his last name?

00:43:25.000 Was it Nadir, Carlos Nadir?

00:43:26.000 I don't know.

00:43:26.000 Yeah, yeah, he was the one that did Blow about it.

00:43:28.000 I might have made that up. 0.97

00:43:29.000 Blow was the guy on the island that he went to visit, Johnny Depp, the guy with the blue eyes, who had the machine guns and shit. 0.91

00:43:35.000 Well, this guy, his name is Carlos Lader. 0.94

00:43:37.000 Yes, it is Carlos.

00:43:38.000 Lader, Lader.

00:43:38.000 Carlos Lader.

00:43:39.000 Carlos Lader got his sentence reduced.

00:43:41.000 He got like 900 years knocked off his sentence.

00:43:44.000 He's still got 1,400 more to do.

00:43:46.000 He's the one that went to the government and said, dog, I gave Fidel envelopes face-to-face.

00:43:50.000 Wow.

00:43:51.000 And Carlos laid there, how they nailed him was, he was actually getting cameras, like Brian does, setting him around a room. 1.00

00:43:57.000 He'd get a plate, blow, he'd sit there naked with a towel on, and just do bumps, and every once in a while he'd go like this, a chick would come and suck his dick, he'd smack him up! 0.99

00:44:07.000 He'd do more blow, and... 1.00

00:44:09.000 And he'd just tell poetry all day.

00:44:12.000 And finally, the Medellin cartel got their hands on this.

00:44:15.000 And they were like, this can't happen.

00:44:16.000 Get Bush on the phone.

00:44:17.000 Bush, we got something for you, right?

00:44:20.000 I'll tell you exactly where he is.

00:44:21.000 We're going to email the tape to you.

00:44:22.000 Really?

00:44:23.000 That's how it ended?

00:44:23.000 Yeah, the Medellin cartel gave him up.

00:44:25.000 Really?

00:44:26.000 Exactly, yeah, because they couldn't take that.

00:44:28.000 This guy was folding.

00:44:29.000 He's making videos of himself naked, sweating with his eyes this big, doing blow for 24-hour pops. 1.00

00:44:35.000 Fuck Charlie Sheen. 1.00

00:44:37.000 This guy was naked, doing bumps, and, you know, saying, talking about La Luna, you know, stars in the mountains. 1.00

00:44:46.000 And then he would go, and a chick would come and suck his dick, and he would like, shoot her! 1.00

00:44:51.000 And they would just shoot her on tape, and they would just keep, you'd see him pulled up by her ankles, and she'd be bleeding. 1.00

00:44:56.000 Fuck her! 1.00

00:44:57.000 And then he'd do more blow, and I wish I was lying to you. 1.00

00:44:59.000 This guy was killing people on tape, doing blow, just sweating, not eating for days. 1.00

00:45:05.000 Brilliant shit! 1.00

00:45:06.000 And then one of the Medellin cartels got this and they're like, we can't have this. 1.00

00:45:10.000 They went and got him and brought him back.

00:45:11.000 They still have those pictures of him on the plane next to the Marines. 0.98

00:45:14.000 He's just looking around like, what the fuck do I do? 0.90

00:45:17.000 He knew exactly what he turned him in. 1.00

00:45:18.000 Holy shit. 1.00

00:45:20.000 You saw Cocaine Cowboys, right? 1.00

00:45:22.000 Yeah.

00:45:23.000 You know that woman? 1.00

00:45:24.000 What's her name?

00:45:24.000 I don't know.

00:45:25.000 Giselda?

00:45:25.000 Giselda.

00:45:26.000 She's out.

00:45:27.000 She's back in Columbia, man.

00:45:30.000 They get pictures of her in Columbia at the airport, hanging out, free.

00:45:33.000 And the movie, just detail after detail, how many people she had killed.

00:45:39.000 Wow. 0.99

00:45:39.000 That bitch, the godmother, I think they called her, Griselda, she made so much money, hundreds Hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars in coke money, man. 0.99

00:45:48.000 She was killing people left and right. 1.00

00:45:49.000 They got this guy, her hit man, who's in jail, and they interview him in jail, and he's just telling them all the different times Griselda made me kill this guy, so I had to go do some business, and I killed this guy, I had to do some business, and I said I wouldn't do that because they wanted me to do a drive-by, and there was a baby in the car.

00:46:04.000 Like, whoa! 0.99

00:46:05.000 Those fucking Colombians, they used to shoot anything, bro. 1.00

00:46:08.000 This is a picture, if you go on Daily News Archives, 1984, a Colombian family in Brooklyn got slaughtered. 1.00

00:46:16.000 The room for the wake was 14 bodies, and there was 12 kids. 1.00

00:46:20.000 And they sat the kids down, 2 of the 12, and put bullets in their fucking foreheads. 0.99

00:46:25.000 And the pictures just, they don't show the bodies, but they show the funeral parlor. 1.00

00:46:30.000 And just a row of fucking bodies, these Colombians. 1.00

00:46:33.000 Phew! 1.00

00:46:33.000 And over nothing. 1.00

00:46:35.000 This is in the 80s when they were shooting you over $2, just to make that point. 1.00

00:46:38.000 You know, you owe this fucking money. 1.00

00:46:40.000 We're going to shoot you. 1.00

00:46:41.000 That was the big thing about them, right? 0.99

00:46:43.000 The Colombians were always thought to be the most, like, Colombian necktie.

00:46:45.000 They go for kids. 1.00

00:46:46.000 Cut your fucking throat out, pull your tongue out. 1.00

00:46:48.000 They wanted intimidation at the maximum. 1.00

00:46:52.000 People are fucking savages. 1.00

00:46:54.000 That's right next door to us, buddy. 1.00

00:46:56.000 That's just like what's going on in Mexico.

00:46:57.000 That's happening right now, in an even bigger scale.

00:47:01.000 Because the Colombians, even though they were selling drugs and they were bringing drugs in, they weren't getting that much resistance from their government.

00:47:07.000 You know what I mean? 0.96

00:47:08.000 It was kind of corrupt.

00:47:09.000 The government was part of their action.

00:47:10.000 Yeah, it was kind of corrupt.

00:47:11.000 But in Mexico, it's not the same, man.

00:47:13.000 Mexico, they get a lot of resistance.

00:47:15.000 But it doesn't matter.

00:47:16.000 They're still doing it.

00:47:17.000 They're still doing it.

00:47:17.000 So it's scarier.

00:47:18.000 Because it's more like militaristic.

00:47:21.000 What's the expression in Spanish?

00:47:26.000 Plomo o plata.

00:47:28.000 That's the expression, bro.

00:47:30.000 Silver or cash?

00:47:32.000 That's a finish from the rubber guard.

00:47:34.000 Plomo or plata?

00:47:35.000 No, it's called either bullets or money.

00:47:38.000 Which one?

00:47:39.000 They just show up at your house.

00:47:39.000 Which one's bullets?

00:47:41.000 Plomo.

00:47:41.000 Plomo is bullets?

00:47:43.000 Yeah, plata is cash. 0.82

00:47:44.000 Plata is cash.

00:47:45.000 Plomo or plata?

00:47:46.000 They just show up at your house, put a gun down with an envelope.

00:47:48.000 Plomo or plata?

00:47:49.000 That should be a new rap song. 0.99

00:47:50.000 Which one you want to choose?

00:47:52.000 Plomo or plata. 1.00

00:47:53.000 Your call, bitch. 1.00

00:47:55.000 That's how they were corrupt in Colombia. 1.00

00:47:58.000 This poor fucking girl who was... 1.00

00:48:02.000 Remember that girl was trying to be a sheriff in some town near Juarez? 1.00

00:48:06.000 Remember that shit? 1.00

00:48:07.000 She was 20 years old. 1.00

00:48:08.000 It was a big story because this college girl decides she's going to fucking get a job as a sheriff and try to clean up the town. 1.00

00:48:15.000 Within months, this poor girl is trying to seek asylum in America because they're trying to kill her. 1.00

00:48:19.000 A little slice your fucking throat. 1.00

00:48:21.000 You're either in or you're out. 1.00

00:48:23.000 There's no coming back.

00:48:25.000 There's no no.

00:48:26.000 That's a different society.

00:48:28.000 This isn't...

00:48:32.000 It's terrifying shit. 1.00

00:48:33.000 It's terrifying that we're not doing anything about it, but yet we're fucking around in Libya. 1.00

00:48:38.000 Hey bro, 1984, December 12th of 1984, I was minding my business, or 83, I was minding my business at Snowmass Village. 0.55

00:48:45.000 I didn't know nothing about nothing.

00:48:47.000 I was just snorting coke and going to school at night, and I just had an electrician's job, and I heard this baboom, and I didn't know what happened. 0.99

00:48:54.000 I just went to bed.

00:48:55.000 The next day they were telling me a story about this drug dealer named Stephen Graybo. 1.00

00:48:58.000 He got in a fucking car, went to start it up, and they put a bomb under his fucking car in Aspen, Colorado. 1.00

00:49:03.000 Damn! 1.00

00:49:04.000 Some white dude. 1.00

00:49:05.000 And I asked around, and in the papers, he was about to go on trial for tax evasion.

00:49:10.000 Whoa! 0.71

The Joe Rogan Experience - March 31, 2011

Joe Rogan Experience #94 - Joey Diaz (Part 3)

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